«> w. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) y A \. '\° / 1.0 I.I '- lilM ■ 50 ""'^^ Mi Mi. L25 ill 1.4 M 1.6 P^. <^ /a ^^' ^ ^%. V^V^ ^iA^ / 'c^^ .>; / y Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, NY. 14580 (716) 872-4503 |\ iV N> ^9) \ 6\ pb^ '^^ o 4io M:P-t i/x 'i CIHM/ICMH Microfiche Series. CIHIVI/ICIVIH Collection de microfiches. Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions / Institut canadien de microreproductions historiques Technical and Bibliographic Notes/Notes techniques et bibliographiques The Institute has attempted to obtain the best original copy available for filming. Features of this copy which may be bibliographically unique, which may alter any of the images in the reproduction, or which may significantly change the usual method of filming, are checked below. L'Institut a microfilmd le meilleur exemplaire qu'il lui a 6x6 possible de se procurer. Les details de cet exemplaire qui sont peut-dtre uniques du point de vue bibliographique, qui peuvent modifier une image reproduite, ou qui peuvent exiger une modification dans la mdthode normale de filmage sont indiquds ci-dessous. D Coloured covers/ Couverture de couleur I I Covers damaged/ n n D Couverture endommagde Covers restored and/or laminated/ Couverture restaur^e et/ou pellicu'ee I I Cover title missing/ Le titre de couverture manque I I C-^loured maps/ Cartes gdographiques en couleur Coloured ink (i.e. other than blue or black)/ Encre de couleur (i.e. autre que bleue ou noire) Coloured plates and/or illustrations/ Planches et/ou illustrations en couleur Bound with other material/ Reli6 avec d'autres documents r~7| Tight binding may cause shadows or distortion along interior margin/ Lareliure serr^e peut causer de I'ombre ou de la distortion le long de la marge intdrieure Blank leaves added during restoration may appear within the text. Whenever possible, these have been omitted from filming/ II se peut que certaines pages blanches ajoutdes lors d'une restauration apparaissent dans le texts, mais, lorsque cela dtait possible, ces pages n'ont pas dt6 filmdes. D D D D y n n Coloured pages/ Pages de couleur Pages damaged/ Pages endommag^es Pages restored and/or laminated/ Pages restaur6es et/ou pelliculdes Pages discoloured, stained or foxed/ Pages ddcolordes, tachetdes ou piqudes Pages detached/ Pages detach^es Showthrough/ Transparence Quality of print varies/ Quality indgale de I'impression Includes supplementary material/ Comprend du matdriel supplementaire Only edition available/ Seule Edition disponible Pages wholly or partially obscured by errata slips, tissues, etc., have been refilmed to ensure the best possible image/ Les pages totalement ou partiellement obscurcies par un feuillet d'errata, une pelure, etc., ont dtd filmdes d nouveau de fa^on d obtenir la meilleure image possible. D Additional comments:/ Commentaires suppldmentaires; This item is filmed at the reduction ratio checked below/ Ce document est filmd au taux de reduction indiqud ci-dessous. 10X 14X 18X 22X 26X 30X y 12X 16X 20X 24X 28X 32X The copy filmed here has been reproduced thanks to the generosity of: Library of the Public Archives of Canada The images appearing here are the best quality possible considering the condition and legibility of the original copy and in keeping with the filming contract specifications. Original copies in printed paper covers are filmed beginning with the front cover and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, or the back cover when appropriate. All other original copies are filmed beginning ..-'^ the first page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, and ending on the last page with a p:inted or illustrated impression. The last recorded frame on each microfiche shall contain the symbol —^(meaning "CON- TINUED"), or the symbol V (meaning "END"), whichever applies. Maps, plates, charts, etc., may be filmed at different reduction ratios. Those too large to be entirely included in one exposure are filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrams illustrate the method: L'exemplaire filmd fut reproduit grdce d la g6n6rositd de: La bibliothdque des Archives publiques du Canada Les images suivantes ont dtd reproduites avec le plus grand soin, compte tenu de la condition et de la neitetd de I'exempiaire filrn^, et en conformit6 avec les conditions du contrat de filmage. Les exemplaires originaux dont la couverture en papier est imprimde sont filmds en commenpant par le premier plat et en ten.iinant soit par la dernidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration, soit par le second plat, salon le cas. Tous les autres exemplaires originaux sont filmds en commenpant par la premidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration et en terminant par la dernidre page qui comporte une telle empreinte. Un des symboles suivants apparaitra sur la dernidre image de cheque microfiche, selon le cas: le symbole -♦' signifie "A SUIVRE ', le symbole V signifie "FIN". Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., peuvent dtre filmds d des taux de reduction diffdrents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul clichd, il est filmd d partir de Tangle supdrieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images ndcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mdthode. 1 2 3 32X 1 2 3 4 5 6 /' ■:> ) LIFE OF MRS. MARY BRADLEY. I ^ INCH "l! that li tliat di NARRATIVE OF THR LIFE AND CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE OP MRS. MARY BRADLEY, OF SAINT JOHN, NEW BRUNSWICK. WRITTEN BY HERSELF. INCLUDING EXTRACTS FROM ITER DIARY AND CORRESPONDENCE DURING A PERIOD OF UPWARDS OF SIXTV YEARS. " I am not ashamed : for I know wliom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him, against that day." — 2 Timo. 1 : 12, BOSTON: PUBLISHED FOR THE AUTHOR, BY STRONG & BRODHEAD, No. 1, Cornhill. 1849. -V 'v ;*, T> Boston : Geo. C. Rand & Co., Printers, No. 3, Cornhill. fth J 'HI. be I o( to in Chi aiK 99^^ t D E D I C A T I O N . It may be expected by many, that some reason should be assirrned for sending forth into the world, this statement of the experience and life of an individual, so little known to the community. I have only to say, that my sole object in ;^iving to the world this hitliorto private account of my Christian life, is to endeavor to promote the glory of God and the good of my fellow creatures. I dedicate this Volume to the kind atten^'cn of the Wesleyan Ministers, Trustees, Stewards and Leaders, Superintendants and Teachers of Sabbath Schools ; and request their kind co-operation in its gratuitous distribu- tion ; hoping that it may be made a blessing to the souls of many in its perusal, as it has been to myself in its prep- aration for pubhcation, so that " Graoo, all tlio work may crnwii, Tliruut^h fverlastiiiir days ; Which lays In Ht-aven the topmost stom-, And Avell deserves the jn-aise." I am affectionately yours, In the Lord Jesus, MARY BRADLEY. E- CONTENTS. — ♦— CHAPTER I. 9 CHAPTER II. 14 CHAPTER III. 23 CHAPTER IV. 33 CHAPTER V. 40 CHAPTER VI. 43 CHAPTER VII. 57 CHAPTER VIII. 75 CHAPTER IX. 84 CHAPTER X. 91 CHAPTER XI. 101 CHAPTER XII. 106 CHAPTER XIII. 112 CHAPTER XIV. 124 CHAPTER XV. 133 CHAPTER XVI. - - - ■ - - 146 CHAPTER XVII. 158 CHAPTER XVIII. 167 CHAPTER XIX. 174 CHAPTER XX. 188 CHAPTER XXI. 193 CHAPTER XXII. 203 CHAPTER XXIII. 207 B] thi jc be M. na dn foi 8ta in cor the sta; at ] ] lab( thii firsl LIFE AND KXI'KRIEXCI': or MRS. MAIIY lUJADLKV. CHAPTER I. I WAS born in GagctoAvn, Queens County, Niny Brunswick, September 1, 1771. My parents came to this province from Pomfret, State of Connecticut, in the year 1763. My father's name was Edward McCoy, l)ut being brought up by his grandratlier, wlio dro{)ped the Mc, it Avas not agai1\ resinned. My motlier's maiden name was Amy Titus. Tlicy Avere members of the Pres- byterian church, and had a hirge family, of eleven chil- dren — six sons and five daughters, of whom I was the fourth daughter and the eighth child. As th( under- standing of their children matured, they instructed them in the ways of religion, restraining them from all they conceived injurious to their best interests, and furnishing them with such education as their situation and circum- stances admitted — being little more than they learned at home, excepting the two youngest. Being among the first settlers in this new country, they labored under serious disadvantages for many years. My third sister, (as I was informed by my parents,) was the first female born of English or American parents up the 2 9 10 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF river St. John. My mother was of a weakly constitu- tion, and my father losing his eyesight, became incapa- ])lc of labor, Avhich was very detrimental to our tem- poral interests. IJut, glory be to God for all his mercies, by whose kind providence ways and means for our com- fortable support were furnished for many years before my father's death. The first revival of religion which occurred here, was eflfected through the instrumentality of a young man, who sought the Lord in his sickness, and some time before his death obtaining the salvation of his soul, immediately commenced exiiorting his neighbors and friends to seek the Lord as he had done, in such a way as proved the conversion of many precious souls — the greater part of whom continued steadfast in the truth, and were at length embodied into a Presbyterian church, which was the first Christian society formed in our infant settlement. The first check of conscience wWfch I recollect to have felt, was in the sixth year of my age, a little after our family removed from Gagetown to Maugesville, in the year 1776. While sitting in a room on the Sabbath day, I thought I would get my play things and divert myself in handling and looking them over, and when I had got them placed before me, the thought occurred to me that I ought not to play on the Sabbath day. Then I said in my heart, Why need I fear, for my parents do not know it, and there is no one present to inform them, that they should correct me ? I did not consider that there was One whom I ought to fear ; a deep impression came upon my mind that God saw me, and it was wicked to play upon his holy day. I thought he would be angry with me if I did so. I d ai b ] MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 11 constitu- e iucapa- our tem- i mercies, our com- >efore my bere, was mg man, no before nediatelj to seek oved the [■ part of at length the first to have fter our in the ith day, myself ad got e that said in t know lat they ire was e upon jo play so. I «! instantly felt such a fear come over me that I arose and put away all my toys. I was much terrified on being told there was to be a day of judgment, when this world would be burned up, and all things that are therein, and that the wicked should be burned up at that day. I was told I must pray when I retired to rest at night. I then began to be much alarmed under an apprehension of a future punishment, a place of fire and brimstone, which would never be quenched, where the souls of the wicked would be banished the moment they left the body, and there to continue to all eternity. About that time a young girl died in the settlement. It was said of her tliat she was a good girl, and that she was gone to heaven. I also heard of some others who were said to be good people. I therefore began to under- stand that there was a place of hapjiiness for the good, as well as a place of punishment for the wicked. ]>ut that gave me no comfort, for I thought that the righteous were born into the world without sin, and continued so until death, and then were received into heaven ; and that those who were bom in sin remained in that st. cg until death, and then Avere sent to hell. I did not understand the plan of redemption through our Lord Jesus Christ, or that if we repented of our sins, God, for Christ's sake, would pardon and deliver us from that awful state of punishment. My mother frequently told me that I was a sinner, and that wicked peoj)le went to hell, and I believed her. Therefore, I had not the least hope or expectation of any- thing better but that hell would be my portion after this life. These ideas made death appear awful indeed. I 12 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF thought that God was an angry Judge ; I could not endure to think of him one ininute. There was nothing before me hut a continual looking for of judgment and fiery indignation. In that situation, I could comfort myself in nothing but a promise of long life. I thought as I was then but young, and to look forward to old age seemed a great while, entertaining the hope that I should he spared until I was old in years ; but I was so alarmed at the thoughts of death, judgment, and eternity, that a wish that I had been born one of those good children that would go to heaven, was frc(iuently in my mind. I was afraid of doing that which was sinful, to speak a wicked word, or to tell a lie. I was one day alone by myself, thhiking of my awful situation ; I said in my heart, What benefit Avill it be for me to restrain myself from that which is evil and sinful, for hell will be my por- tion when I die, do what I will ? Then I felt a powerful temptation to speak whatever came into my mind. For I thought to be afraid of sin, was in some degree a punish- ment in this life. I thought I might as well fill up the measure of my days in all manner of wickedness, without any restraint. Then wicked words rushed into my mind for utterance — I opened my mouth and tried to speak them, but was restrained through fear, and had not power to speak one word, neither did I ever feel such a tempta- tion again. It was rumored, about this time, that a distant island had been destroyed and sunk by an earthquake, in the time of a dreadful storm. That news was awful to me in- deed ; I was dreadfully tempted that we should share the same fate. It was so powerfully riveted upon my mind, G£ 1 iMRS. MARY BRADLEY. 13 uld not nothing ent and nothing [len but a great ed until ihoughts b I had 1 go to speak a lone by I in my myself my por- lowerful For I punish- up the without ly mind speak power tempta- that ■when at .ra of high wind, or thunder and lightning occurred, it seemed as if the judgments of the Almighty ■were just ready to fall upon us. "• Fear and trembling took hold upon me." I was also afraid that the earth ■would open her mouth and swallow us up. I truly felt the ibrce of that passage of Scripture, " There is no peace, saith ray God, to the wicked ; they are like the troubled sea, whose waves cast up mire and dirt." About this time, the public mind became more settled respecting the American war, and my lather and family returned to Gagetown. island in the jme in- |ro the .mind, CHAPTER II til ul m Ul ai The first tliou<];hts I remember to have had about Jesus Christ were in the eighth year of my age. One of my brothers was reading about his death and sufterings — I Ustened to what lie read, and felt a strong reproof in my own lieart, because I had not loved the Lord Jesus Christ, nor felt a sympathy for him who suffered and died for me. I then began to understand that there was a possibility of sinners escaping the wrath and curse of God, by be- lieving in the Lord Jesus, and loving him. I felt an inward reproof because I took no more delight in reading my Bible on the Sabbath day. I found it rather a burden to lay aside every other employment ; therefore I took it into serious consideration. I thought I not only sinned against God by feeling an aversion to my duty, but by not delighting in my studies. I felt such a fear, thinking of the awful consequences of it, that I immediately set up a resolution in my mind that I would love my book and embrace every opportunity of reading it. I soon found that my resolution was of great service, for I not only increased in learning, but I took great de- light in reading, both on the Sabbath and week days. I 14 MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 15 ut Jesus e of my rings — ; reproof le Lord suffered >ssibility by be- delight ound it yment ; thought bion to I felt of it, that I lity of lorvice, lat de- V3. I was in tlie habit of saying the Lord's prayer, and some short scntcncec which my mother had taught me — but I felt that was not sufficient ; I wanted to pray as Chris- tians prayed, but I could not ; which gave me considerable uneasiness. For I had imbibed a notion that if I did nothing amiss, and could repeat a lengthy form of prayer upon my knees, I should bo a good Christian. After I had learned to read so as to understand one s ibject from another, I tried my best to learn a form of prayer out of a book. But I could not obtain peace or comfort to my mind in that way, for after all, these prayers seemed only lip service, and not from the heart. But it was still my supreme wish to be one of God's children. I felt then in some measure the terrors of my mind removed, through a hope that I should escape, by doing that which was right in the sight of the Lord, and restraining myself from that which was sinful. As I grew oldc-, my mother was more particular in her instructions upon the nature of reUgion. She said that God loved good children, and that those who were good never need to be afraid, let their danger be what it might. She would mention many passages of Scripture, such as, " Go I looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if any sought after him ; " Samuel and Josiah, who sought the Lord in their youth ; and admonished us never to play upon God's holy day, nor take his blessed name in vain, and to be obedient to our parents, and live religious lives. I believed all she said was right, and felt a mind wil- ling to obey ; but as yet, I had no knowledge of the mys- tery of the new birth, repentance towards God, nor faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. I had never had the privilege of hearing the gospel 16 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF preached ; the minister havin;i; removed to the United States, who had lived in our nciglihorliood. In the ninth year of my age, Mr. Henry Allen, a new- light travelling minister, came to preach. My parents took me with them twice to meeting. The first text was, " And at midnight there was a cry made. Behold the Bridegroom cometh : go vc out to meet him." Mv atten- tion was arrested, and for many days after I was engaged in ruminating and repeating over some parts of the ser- mon. The second time I heard him, the text was from Acts, second chapter, and three first verses : " And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the house where they were sitting. And there ap- peared unto them cloven tongues as of fire, and it sat upon each of them." My mind was most affected from what he said about the cloven tongues of fire, upon which he dwelt much in the latter part of his sermon. I im- agined the house was full of cloven tongues, and I looked upon the heads of the people to see if I could not sec them sitting upon each of them. I felt an awful dread ; but it brought no light nor understanding to my mind. After the sermon and worship was over, I Avas aston- ished to see the people talking and shaking hands, as I never before had witnessed. Some looked of a cheerful, loving, and happy countenance ; others were in tears, and cast down. But I did not at that time understand the cause of the movement. But young as I was, I felt clothed with shame, to see the people shaking hands in such an unusual manner, though to any part of the wor- ship I felt no aversion. MRS. MAllV r.RADLEY, 17 d. aston- as I jerful, s, and d the I felt ids in It soon became the common suhjcct of conversation that such and snch jiersons were converted, and others were under conviction for sin. My two eldest brothers professed to have met with a change, and my second sis- ter was under conviction, and received some degree of comfort, but was not brouglit into gospel liberty until sev- eral years after. My mother was much blessed, and enforced upon us with great fervency the necessity of regeneration, and that we must be born again or we never could enter into the kingdom of God, This doctrine seemed so mysterious to me, that I did not know what to think of it ; but I paid great attention to all tliat I heard concerning; it, and when I observed persons conversing upon religious subjects, I would draw close up behind them, as my interest and delight in hearing had become much increased — at the same time afraid lest any one should speak to me. 0, how many blessings to mankind has this shameful timidity sacrificed ! I soon became fully confirmed in the truth of the doc- trines above named, and felt an ardent desire that I might experience them to my own salvation. Listening one day to a conversation of three of my brothers, the second of whom was urging upon the others a preparation for death, and exhorting them to seek the Lord with all their heart, I felt as I had never done be- fore, and wished it might never leave me. I believe this was the first time I had experienced the drawings of God's Holy Spirit upon my heart. Many times I thought of it afterwards, with an anxious desire to enjoy it again. I hidulged the hope that I should at no very distant period, enjoy the blessing of God, and become one of his child- 18 LIFE AND EXl'EKIEXCE OF ren. I was afraid to do anvtbing disj)leasiii;j!; to Iiini ; and those who were wickeil and jirotanc were tlie objects of my displeasure. I could not bear to licar the name of God taken in vain. One day, being with a yoinig companion, slic often in a careless way made use of her Maker's name. I reproved her several times, and entreated her not to do it again. However, she gave little heed to what I said, and repeat- ed the same words. Then I caught her and cori-ected her until she begged, and promised not to do so any more. She maintained her promise, never repeating tlie same* in my hearing afterwards. It Avas seldom my ])arent3 sent me to meeting, it being about three miles distant. Therefore I spent much of my time on the Lord's day in reading Dr. Watts's Psalms and Hymns, and learning many of them by heart. I also took much delight in reading in the Presbvtcrian Primer ; I also learned a great part of that by heart. I took more notice of the ten commandments than any other part of it, which I thought was the standard by which we sliall be tried. I endeavoi'cd to make them the rule of my life. I read them with great attention, and compared my conduct with them ; but my conscience did not excuse me from doing any thing that was forbidden in them. It gave me no encouragement to think that I was prepared for death, because I had not felt that change take pdace in my heart which I believed Avas necessarv, and for the want of which no other performances co\dd bo of any avail to recommend me to God. I still considered myself in the broad road that leads to destruction. When I heard sub- jects of an alarmhig nature, such as the day of judgment, orl ai MRS. MARY RIIADLFA'. 19 ini ; and jc'cts of name of ten in a ■cj)roved t airain. rcpcat- Drrectod IV more. 10 j^aniG parents distant. s day in Icarninii; [light ill ned a of the licli I tried, I read t with doing me no deatli, y heart ant of vail to ni tlic d sub- ^raent. ic or the brevity of human life, terror would seize upon mo, and I wo\dtl feel the foundation I stood upon shaken. I wanted something; that 1 could not com|»rehend. I felt distress, fear, and terror in my heart, and in this un- liapf)y situation I woidd retire, and attempt to call upon God ; but alas I it added to my troiible, for I had no utter- ance when I attempted to pray. I thought if I had a suitable place of resort for that purpose, I should find greater liberty in prayer. Accordingly I sought a place in a thicket of bushes, some distance from my father's house, where I retired upon the Lord's day, for medita- tion and prayer. I many times felt very solemn while thinking upon my situation. But still my mind was dark, and I could not obtain a spirit of prayer. I met with several accidents, which caused death to appear very near, and alarmed me very much. I was one day in the chamber, walking across the floor, when a board slipping off the beam, I fell suddenly through, with the small of my back upon a stone of the hearth, which rendered breathing so difficult, that I thought I was going to die. I said in my heart, where shall I go ? shall I go to heaven, or shall I go to hell ? I felt something like an inward whisper that I should go to heaven. I felt peace> in mind ; my conscience did not accuse me, and I believed I should go to heaven ; for I never thought of death with such calmness before. But, however, when I recovered, I was much alarmed, and found the thoughts of death to be as terrifying as ever, and considered this as a solemn warning to be prepared for its approach. I set up fresh resolutions to be more earnestly engaged for the salvation of my soul ; but I lacked the power to 20 i.iFi'] A\i» i;m'Khii;nck hk perform, so as to obtain tliat glorious prize. At another time, one of my little brothers h;id stolen away, unknown to my parents, iij)on the Sabbiith day, and got a hook, in- tending to cateh fish ; he had jirepared the hook and lino, left them in tlie water, and returned again to the house. Some time after, going that way and seeing the line in the ■water, out of curiosity, I looked to see if the fish had tak m. My conscience accused rac as soon as I thought T\hat I had done, because it was on the Sabbath day ; however, I did not o])ey the voice of conscience. I thought surely such a little thing as that could be no harm, and after arguing the point in order to stifle con- science, I got upon a log that lay close to the channel, to pull up the hook ; but I fell ofl' into the water, whiclu being deep, and a smart current in the spring of the year, raised by the freshet, it was difficult for me to keep hold of the log ; however, making a powerful efitbrt and sudden spring, I recovered myself. Considering the accident I had met with, and my narrow esca{)e from being drowned, I felt it to be just upon me for my disobe- dience, and took it both as a reproof and warning, and concluded that I would never attempt the like again. I returned home with shame and confusion of mind, not so much as mentioning what I had met with to any one, resolving to be more careful in future, and not dare ven- ture to break the Sabbath of the Lord. I then felt resolved to set out in earnest to seek the Lord by prayer. Some time after, my two eldest brothers had got copies set for them, and were learning to write ; I went to the table, and out of curiosity took up a pen and attempted to make a letter, without any expectation of ever being able to learn to write. My eldest brother noticing me^ 3 -i 1^ MRS. MAUV HUMH.KV. 21 another inknowu book, in- lud line, .' liousc. no in the fish had thouL^ht ,th day ; 3nce. I d be no ;ifle con- annel, to ', which J ,g of the 3 to keep brt and ing the \)c from y disobe- ling, and gain. I I, not so my one, are ven- ;hen felt prayer, ot copies to the tempted !r being mg mcy said I ha to me. The school was kej)t in our own house, and 1 had so much work to do, that I had to gain the time that I spent in school. After the conclusion of the American war of 1783, a great number from the States fled to this place, which was a movement of i)rovidence that greatly took hold of my mind. Mv heart was filled ^^ith iiitv and affection, wiien I saw them in a strange land, without house or home, and many of them were sick and helpless. I often kxjked upon them when they passed by in boats in rainy A\eather, and wished for them to call and refresh themselves, and was glad when they did so. A family moved into one part of Ui^j^ father's house, but having no religion, Avere much given to vanity and lightness of mind. One evening, several of our family were in the room where the ncAv family lived ; they were very jolly, and indidged to a great length in mirth and levity, which seemed to reign in every heart ; but I did not join them, foi- seeing one of my bruthers partake in the mirth, who had iirufessed reli- gion, Whose face I had so often seen bathed in tears, it 3 O.) MRS. AlAUV JlUADLKY. bron^lit such a ■\vci;^ht upon mv mind, that T roprovotl liim in the midst of it, and asked hiin how ho dared to do so. roprovod dared to ciiAPTEii in. ^ Ix the twelftli year of my n^c, tlie small pox spread in the couiitrv. Mv father was anxiDus to have his familv vaccinated, to prevent them taking it the natural way. This strange thinur moved my mind very much. I was afraid to be vaccinated lest I should die ; and for which I was not i)repared. I said nothing to my father upc .i the subject, thinking he would change his mind. A short time after, I heard my mother say that father was deter- mined upon the business, at which my heart was filled with sorrow, and fear of death. But while I was thinking of those things, suddenly I felt an impression upon my mind, as if I heard a whisper, to comi)ly with my father's will, Avithout any objection, for I should not die cf this distem- per. I immediately felt a firm belief that I should not die, and that I should not have it hard. All terror and fear was taken away, and I felt entirely willing to be vac- cinated — which was done in a few davs after ; and I was not disappointed, for I had not one hour's sickness. But it was ([uitc otherwise Avith the rest of the family. My father and mother lay at the point of death for a consider- able time. My second brother died, and left a comforta- ble hope that he slept in Jesus, being in the twenty-fifth year of his age. 23 24 LIFE AN1> EXPERIENCE OF I felt much resigned to tlie death of my brother, thoulication of that precious passage came to my relief: " First seek the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all other things shall be added unto you." I then began to feel spiritual strength increase in my soul, and saw by those comforting promises that God was willing to save me, and that to put ■w 28 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF off seeking liim to some future, indefinite period, Avould be rcstin_2; upon uncertainties, as I wns not sure of one day, and did not know how soon God would call me away by the stroke of death. Neither was I sure of having the privile;^L of a sick bed, on which to repent. I thought, being fre([ucntly exposed, I might be drowned? or die suddenly, without liaving time to cry to God for mercy. Then my poor soul would be forever in misery. Alas, I could not endure the thought. eternity ! eter- nity ! a never-ending eternity ! how can I dwell in flames of fire and brimstone, through an endless eternity ! How is it that I am not willing to part with the world and. sin, for the sake of escaping that destruction which I knew would overtake me at the hour of death. I thought again, if I should be permitted to live until old age came on, and was allowed the privilege of a sick-bed, I should have enough to contend with in the pain and anguish of my body, without having then to prepare for death. Then I thought how happy I should be upon a dying-bed, to have all fear of death removed from mv mind. I was sensible that God had given me a solemn call, and prom- ised me in his Word that if I obeyed, I should receive his blessing. But if I disobeyed, I knew not that I should ever have another call. Conscience testified that I then had my choice. Life and death were set before me. I was fully con- vinced that the word of God was truth, and that he would do according to it, either upon my obedience or disobe- dience. I felt that I had power given me to choose or re- fuse, and that I was a free agent to act for eternity. I was then enabled, in the strength of the Lord, to set up a firm resolution that I would seek the Lord, and that I MRS. MAIIY BRADLEY. 20 , -would of one le away having 3iit. I fO\Yncdj jrod for misery. ! eter- Avell in :ernity ! )rld and »vhich I thought ;e came [ should ruish of Then 3ed, to I was prom- receive should I then y con- e would disobe- e or re- I was up a that I would not put off any longer malcing sure of my great salvation, for I believed God was willing to give it me, and I felt a determination that nothing should fail on my part, venturing ujion his ])romises, and seeking that I m'vAit find. That resolution was like a nail fastened in a sure y)lace — for I had no sooner formed it but I felt my strength renewed, and a firm persuasion that I should ob- tain salvation. I felt such an exercise of faith in tlic Lord Jesus, that he would save me. I evidentlv felt the 7 V striving of two spirits ; one persuading me to cleave to the world, which was aatan, and myself, and the -world were overcome, and God had possession of my heart. It was cutting to flesh and hlood to part with all its sensual delights ; but glory be to God for all his mercies! he is never at a loss to carry on his own blessed and good begun work. lie gave me strength to turn the current of my mind from the things of the world to himself, lie gave me a heart to pray, and a witness in my soul that he would answer my prayer. I felt faith to believe, that though Satan was my foe, God was my unfailing friend. AVliilo every thought was brought into subjection to the Lord, it was not without a great strug- gle. Satan strove to keep the highest ground, and claim liis ancient right to me, and would bring up every thing to flatter me, in order to retain me still under his reign and government. Then I would look earnestly unto the Lord to strengthen me, and he was pleased to draw near and fight my battles for me. When Satan tempted me, he would give me strength to resist, and answer every objection by his word. Then I felt the power of Satan in me to gvow weaker, and the word of God to be more powerful. I was enabled by divine assistance to weigh as in a scale the things of time and eternity. The former of which, with all its amusements and allurements, appeared like a vapor, or lighter than vanity, Avhen compared with eterviity. Death then seemed as present in my view as life, and eternity as present as time. Thus I saw the end of all things to be at hand. I had no sense of Christ as a mediator, but I viewed myself in his presenc as a pure Judge ; and that sin could not stand before Lim, but the '!? MRS. MARY RRADLKY 31 dcterml- d mvself, possession 1 to part (1 for all his own rength to the ■world 1 witness felt faith was my ight into at strui;- md claim srj thing bis reign unto the aw near ^ted me, r every )f Satan be more as in a •rmer of ppcared ed Avith view as the end hrist as 5 a pure but the end of it would he eternal death. I l)elicvcd I should he the ol»j(!Ct of (Jod's displeasure if I continued iu sin ; but as I had tied to him for refuse, I holieved him to he my friend. Though I was not satisfied that I had felt a broken and contrite heart for sin, or that I had a proper sense of the evil of sin, or the deep depravity of my evil nature ; being only sensible of the evil of my foolish thoughts, but not so sensible of the fountain from which they sj)rang. The Lord was pleased to show me what I must pass through before I should be fit for heaven ; how I must have a deeper sense of my guilt as a sinner, and my danger, and feel true repentance, and call mightily upon God for pardoning mercy, and that the time of my extremity would be the time of his opportunity, wherein he would deliver me from mv distresses. I thougiit, in order to feel true conviction for sin, I must bring my mind to the purity of God's holy law, and account myself the guilty criminal, against whom the pen- alty was levelled ; which I was enabled to do, and also to continue in silent prayer before God. In wliatever my hands were em[)loyed, my heart was raised to him. I did not have any set time for prayer, but I saw that in order to obtain this great, required prize, I must be earnestly engaged every moment, constantly resist the Wicked One, imploring divine assistance, to improve every opportunity hi reading such portions of ;Scripture as were suitable to instruct and encourage me. I was resolved to keep a strict watch over my words and actions. In the first place, not to ask any needless questions, nor give any needless answers, but to let mv conversation he vca, vea, and nay, nay ; for I saw whatsoever was more than that would be evil to me. 32 .MRS. MAllV lillADLKY. I felt a liard heart ; in order fo the removal of whicli I j)rayed to (lod to have a true sight of my sins, and to give me a deep sense of their oilious nature, however discour- aging. The Lord applied to my mind the words, " I will take away the heart of stone, and -will give you a heart of flesh," at which I was much encouraged to press for- ward. I then began to see the cause of my hard heart ; that it was those inbred sins which had been ever hid from my eyes ; and in this situation, " I smote upon my breast, and cried, God be merciful to me a sinner." Thus I was truly awakened, and had a deep sense of my lost and undone situation by nature. The scales of ignorance fell from my eyes ; I was truly humbled under the mighty hand of God, I discovered the fountain of original sin, the streams of Avhich had accompanied me into the world, and from whence all evil thoughts and actions proceed. Nothing tiiat ever my eyes beheld ever appeared so loathsome and vile as my own heart, by reason of sin, I also had an awful view of the pit of destruction, and my- self as hanging over it, and nothing but the brittle thread of life kept me from falling into it, I saw that if I died without being cleansed from my sins, I should be for ev^er banished there. I also saw the justice of God in pro- nouncing the sentence, if I should die without salvation. In this situation, I was greatly comforted with a hope of deliverance, and by the words, " They that seek me early shall find me," and also by a believing view of the Savior as having that righteousness of which I stood in need, and which I had a longing desire to obtain, and " Abra- ham believed God, and it was accounted to him for right- eousness. 5> i ' which I lI to give discoiir- , " I will a heart »ress for- t ; that it from my f breast, us I was lost and ance fell mighty ;inal sin, le world, 3ceed. )ared so ' sin. I and my- e thread I died lor ever in pro- ilvation. hope of ne early ) Savior n need, " Abra- r right- ClIATTER IV As I was standing one evening at the door, musing upon my situation, it occurred to me, Wiiat is there in this world that can satisfy my longing desires ? I looked up to tlie stars, ^nd thouglit, if I might have as much silver and o-old a^~ would reach to them from the earth, it would be nothi'ig to mo, in comparison to the righteousness of Jesus Christ. ! 1 thought if he would oidy give it to me, it was all I wanted ; if he took me out of the world jnimediately after applying it to me, I should be happy and willing to go. 'Ihen these words came to me, " Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for tliey shall be filled." This was like a staff to lean upon ; my strength was renewed, and my resolutions confirmed to continue striving. My heart was wounded within me to think how long I had lived without the knowledge of Jesus Christ — without being sensible that while I shut him out of my heart I grieved his holy spirit. I saw that I had never done any thing in all my life from a principle of love to God ; and for want of that, all that ever I had done appeared hateful unto me. Those performances which I before thought amiable, now ap- peared odious, because I had taken pride in them. Thus I saw that it was from a principle of selfishness I had 4 38 84 LIFK AND EXPERIENCE oF l)ccn actuatcMl. T monrncd and wept bitterly boforo the Lord at the retneinbrancc of tliosc t]ini;^s, and wliilo my lieart was broken fur sin, and while I wa^^ mourning; for a crucified Havi:;ht and consolation break into my soul. 'Pears of joy and ;;rief constantly flowed. I was then so far enlightened that I had a taste of the joys of salvation, and if to be made exceedin<^ly happy, and to rejoice in liope of eternal glory, and feel the love of God, and his word, to be sweeter than honey to my soul ; and to be filled with f^ratitude to God for his marvellous loving kindness, and to fec^l as I never before had felt, my mind continually soaring above, and my heart entirely disentangled from every earthly object, were evidences of a change of heart, then I most undoubtedly was brought out of darkness into liis. marvel- lous light ; and had met with that change wliich leJ me to conclude I had never known what happiness was before. But I soon found that when I would let my mind turn upon the world, that Satan was as ready as ever to entan- gle it, and my besetmcnts had power to entice me ; but when my mind turned to the Lora, I was so happy, that the love of this world and all the alluring charms of it ■were banished from me. Then I determined I would never think upon the world, nor allow my mind to run improperly upon any worldly object ; for I thought if I did, I might lose my heaven, and the happiness which I then enjoyed — to prevent which, I continued earnestly pleading with the Lord to give me strength to resist the devil, and also to keep my mind on things above. I also desired that the Lord would not let me rest in any thing short of true religion. I begged of him to give me the faith of assurance ; I wanted that religion that would i MIIS. MAKY nUADLKY, 35 )cf(>ro the wliile mv \\\\\^ for a 'oiisolution constantly lad a taste cccedin^i^ly , and feel lan honey rod for his /er before , and my ly object, I I most »!!!• marvel- :h lo'J me ^•as before, mind turn r to entan- me ; but appy, that arms of it I wouhl d to run ought if I s which I earnestly resist the e. I also any thin^ e me the lat would [1 stand by me in time and in eternity. I wanted l live in the enjoyment of it all my days, and not to turn back to the be;^f^arly elements of this world, and thus make ship- wreck of my faith, as I had heard of others doing, who had brouglit a reproach upr)n the cause of God. Thus I continued wrestling and striving until my flesh felt so weak that I was a burden to myself. Then I retired alone, and gave vent to my sighs and tears, and said in my heart. Must I feel this struggle all my days? Then it j»leased (Jod to apply these words to my mind, " Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee." It is beyond the ])Ower of tongue or pen to describe the change 1 then felt. If I had been all my days shut up in a dungeon, and just then brought out into the blaze of day, it wouhl be but a faint resemblance of what I then felt and saw. I exjierienced this blessed change the first of January, 1787, about four o'elof'k in the afternoon, in the sixteenth year of mv ai2;e. All my sins, a guilty conscience, my temptations, and besetments, my weaknesses, and fears, and every thing that could annoy my peace and hai)i)iness, like a dark and heavy cloud, then passed away ; and the sun of right- eousness rose upon my soul, with healing in his wings. The view I then had of the ui)per world, w^as inex- pressible. I felt a witness in my soul that there was joy among the angels in heaven at my return. The Bible seemed entirely knew to me. I had never had a clear understanding of what I read, because of the veil that was on my heart ; but then I continually felt the sweet application of it to my soul, and I constantly felt a flame of love to my dear Redeemer. I knew that he had borne t 86 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF all my sins upon tho croi^s ; aivl I hcliovcd that I should sjii'nd a nevor-LMwIiii^; I'tcrnity at lii.s riiilit hand. I conhl then call (loil inv Father, and know that he, lor Christ's sake, had }>,nrdoncMl all my sins. I entered into a solemn covenant with him, to he his, and had a witness in my Koul that he was mine. I enioved that sweet \niion with Iiim, and with the Holy Spirit, that the world knew not of. I truly enjoyed peace of conseienco, and could think of death with ]>lea3ure. I longed for that ha)>py time to come when 1 should leave tins world and go to my blessed Savior. 0, what happiness I then enjoyed ! I thought, surely my lines had fallen unto me in |)leasant ])]aces, and I had a goodly heritage ; for my Jesus had delivered mc from all my fears, and taken away the sting of death, and Satan had lost his prey. I felt I was delivered from the torments of hell, and from the power of Satan, who thought to have me for fuel for eternal hnrniiig ; hut my Jesus fiad plucked me as a lirand from thence. lie had taken my feet out of the miry clay, and set them upon a rock, and put a new song into my mouth, even praises to our God. I could then look back upon my past life with grief and astonishment, to think how long I had continued under a cloud of darkness and ignorance. I was then sensible that God had been graciously striving with mc by his spirit from an early period of life ; and if I had listened to his call and obeyed his voice, I might have long before enjoyed his blessing. But alas ! when I would feel any desire to seek the Lord, Satan would bring up immediately some trifling object to take up my attention ; and then the Spirit of God would leave off striving with mc. 0, how did I lament the hardness of my heart, and my base MRS. MARY DRADLEY. 8T I should I could • Chrirtt's a solemn ss in my 4.' iiioii ^vitll cw not of. tiiink of /■ time to ly blessed it, surely md I liad mc from :ath, and from the itan, who ; but my lie had II upon a, praises to grief and under a i sensible c by his listened w'^ before feel any nediately md then |mc. 0, my base 1 injrratitudo to mv dear llodeemcr, thus to shut him out of ray heart until his head was filled with the dew, and his locks with the rain of the iii^ht, and at the same time gratified Satan by yielding obedience to him. How cuttin;; it was to me, when I had a discovery of the purity and holiness of (Jod, and also the love he had for me, when at the same time I was in love with those thin;^s which were so hateful to him. But glory be to Ood I tor as far as the east is from the west, so far hath lie removed my transgressions from mc. I then saw my sad mistake about taking pleasure in the things of time and sense. 1 saw that there was no solid pleasure nor happiness to be taken in anything short of the enjoyment of (iod's love ; for as God breathed into man the breath of life, so noth- ing but the breathings of divine love could make him completely happy. I saw that salvation was free for all who would seek for it. I felt so weaned from the vanities of the world, ihat I could view them with perfect indifference. When I saw my young companions following the customs of the world, and taking their fill in sinful pleasures, instead of being enticed to go with them, and do as they did, my heart would ache for them, knowing that if they contin- ued in a sinful state until death, they would fall a prey to those devouring flames, from which I had but just made my escape. 1 longed for their return. I felt truly thankful that the Lord had reclaimed me. I often thought of these lines, and felt them to be the language of my soul: " I send the joys of earth away, Away, ye tempters of the mind, False us the srnootJi, deceitful soa, And einptv as the whistling ^vind. 4' 38 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF " Your streams were floating me along, I)i)\vn to the gulf of black desj)alr, And while I K^teiieil to your song, Your streams had even conveved me there.' These enjoyments were not a flight of passion, nor a mere fancy of the brain ; neither were they like a blast or flash, and then gone. No, there was a constant and durable happiness. My blessed Savior was continually in my mind. When I lay down to rest at niuld meet d in my ted state must meet — as I e vide. itly saw that whatever our hopes of lieavi'u were while in time, if they were not built upon a iiood foundation, and our hearts cleansed from sin, that we should find a guilty conscience, when brought to the bar of God — I was much concerned about my brother, who was then gone to the Uuited States, and particularly as I did not know what might have happened to him, and whether I should ever see him a^ain. But I never told the dream to any one until about seven months after, when my brother had returned, and I told it to liim, and what the Lord had done for my soul, and exhorted him to seek, as I had done, and assured him that he Avould find the same , blessing. -^ It being a dull time of religion, I kept my mind very much to myself, excepting some of my young companions, to whom T spoke of the danger of living in sin, and the vanities of the world, and the haj)pincss they would find in the ways of religion. IJut it seemed to profit them little, as I did not see fruits of repentance in any of them. However, if diev were determined to turn a deaf ear to my admonitions, and pursue the vain pleasures of time and sense, and not go with me, I was determined not to go with them, but rather go alone ; and indeed I was alone, as to any earthly companion, for I had no freedom to speak to Christians, and those who were not, did not seem to understand my language, nor incline their hearts to par- take of the blessinii;s which I enjoved. I felt a great desire awake in my soul, to be obedient to all the commands of God, and in order to understand Avhat his will was, I daily searched the Scriptures. I found great need of strict watchfulness over myself, both <• in word, thought, and deed. I found it a command to let 42 MRS. MAIIY liRADLEY. my communication be yea, yea, and nay, nay, for whatso- ever is more than these coraeth of evil. I also found it written that I must not live after the flesh ; for if I lived after the flesh, I should die; but if I through the spirit mortified the deeds of the body, I should live. I found that the apostle enjoined, not to be carnally minded, for to bo carnally minded is death ; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. I endeavored to keep my mind fixed upon God and his Word. I delighted greatly in thinking of my exit out of time into eternity. The thoughts of death were delightful. I felt my treasure was laid up in heaven, and I often longed for that happy day to come, when my soul should quit this mortal stage and fly to realms above. :■•■ f 3 r whatso- ifter the but if I I should carnally ut to be .'ored to [elighted eternity, treasure t happy al stage il- CHAPTER VI. Tii" summer following, as I was at work one day in my father's garden, pulling up the weeds, which were so thick and thrifty that they had overgrown the good seed, so that I could not see that which sprang from it, until I had looked carefully, and separated them by pulling up the weeds ; which, when I had done, that which sprung from the good seed seemed to droop and wither with the heat of the sun: it then came into my mind that this was a just resemblance of my own heart, wherein God had sown the good seed of grace ; yot the evil and corrupt thoughts, naturally springing up, if not rooted out and kept down, would soon extin^^uish the cjood seed, or render it fruitless. But, if by the assistance of God's Holy Spirit, I kept a continual watch over my thoughts, and the natural incli- nations of my heart, and kept myself under subjection to divine culture, that he would increase my graces, and I should bring forth fruit to his glory. This similitude, though weak, was to me a great caution. Some time after this, I was much tempted about prayer. I felt rather dull, and somewhat embarrassed, and a back- wardness in perfoming that duty. The tempter came to me in this kind of language : You are a Christian, the fear of death is taken away, you are sure of going to 44 MFK AND EXI'ERIENCH OF heaven, when you die. God has changed your heart, and you arc happy in him, and now your work is done. What need liavc you to pray any more ? Surely, if you say over the liord's prayer, and that wliich comes easy to you, niglit and morning, that will be sufficient. Then, I felt an inclination to take up with that easy way of living, and accordingly, I attemjjted to say over the Lord's prayer, instead of wrestling with God, as I had done. But I felt such a coldness, and darkness, come over my mind, at the time, that I thought. Surely this will not do. I felt afraid that an enemy was striving to entangle me, and as my usual custom Avas, I immediately lied to the Bible, and searched until I found that I was commanded to pray without ceasing. Then I clearly saw the temptation of Satan, to turn me out of the way. I felt thankful that I saw the temptation, and felt a disposition to strive against it. I was again tempted by the playing of a violin. A man who came, and lived in a house belonging to my father, was often playing, and when I went out of the door, I could hear it ; and being a new thing, Satan took the advantage to allure me with the music. I was urged several times to go to the house. But I refused. I Avent to the door one evening, and hearing it, I thought it sounded melodiously. I went into the garden to see the flowers, saying to myself, surely that will be no harm. In the mean time, I was nearer to the man, and my ears were attentive to the music, and I felt a secret pleasure in hearing it. But when I came to reflect upon it, my conscience accused me, fur indulging in the passion of nature, and endeavoring to excuse myself for the com- pliance. But it occurred to my mind that it was written, M\\^. MAKV HRAKI.RY, 4i eart, and ^ What you say y to you, !n, I felt ving, and i prayer, 5ut I'felt id, at the elt afraid 1 as my »ible, and to pray tation of ful that I G against iolin. A to my it of the an took But I taring it, garden ill be no nan, and a secret ect upon passion he com- ■ffritten, i--^. ?5 whatsoever I would ask of God, I should receive. T therefore hastened to retirement, and falling down with my face to the ground, and imploring divine assistance, 1 ohtaiiied an entire deliverance from the tem])tation, and an additional proof of the truth of divine revelation. At anotlier time, I was very much tried by not feeling that sensible enjoyment of God's love, as I had done, when I first experienced a change of heart. I felt for a short time as if I had lost the blessing that I had obtained. But the Lord soon comforted me again, with the words, We walk by faith, not by sight. I thought at rirst I could not trust in him, without the sweet sense of his presence. But I looked up to him for strength, and he enabled me to put my trust in him, and retain an unshaken confidence in God, and to feel that my hope was as an anchor within the veiL I was tried various ways, and tempted to partake of the vanities of the world, and to follow the practices and customs of the times. But I chose rather to walk with God ; for I found that I could not serve God and the world. I often thought how happy I should be if I had one companion in the ways of religion. I found great satisfaction in reading the Bible, and other good books ; and I rejoiced in hope of that day when I should join that happy company above, who were before the throne of God. Thus I went on, keeping a constant watch over my own heart, lest it should depart from the living God. Nothing special took place until about seventeen months after I had made a solemn dedication of myself to God, in a covenant never to be forgotten, which was about the month of June, 1788. My mind seemed to be engaged quite differently from 5 « M 4*; i-iFi; ANi> i;\i'EK1i:n(;1': uk wliat it had licon heretofore. [ Avas iiatarally of a vcrv timid make, and foiul of retirement, and kept my mind close to myself, respecting my reU<^ious exercises. IJut at tliis time, my mind seemed turned quite anotlier way ; for I was so beset with arguing upon rcUgion, and some- times I fancied myself talking with such engagedness, that I would forget myself. At other times, I would be en- gaged in writing upon some religious subjects, that I was so hurried from day to day, with such fancied employ- ments that I thought surely they were temptations from Satan, and I used every method I could to overcome them. I would be determined that they should have no place in my mind. Eut as soon as my hands were engaged in my work, my mind would be caught away as usual, engaged in discoursing or writing as before, and more I resisted, and so much tlie more I was impressed with those engagements. I then stopped, and considered that I had before been enabled to overcome every kind of besetment and tempta- tion, with which I had been assailed, and what could be the cause of this. I looked up to heaven, and said in my heart, is this a temptation from the enemy ? Or is it possible that God, in the order of his providence, hath designed that such an unworthy person as I am, should at some future period be engaged in promoting his cause ? As soon as those thoughts had passed through my mind, I was astonished beyond measure at the words which were so forcibly applied to my mind : " Even for this cause have I raised thee up." I did not hear any voice, but I was never more shocked and alarmed at a clap of thunder, in all my life. I had never read those words in the Bible, and was not aware it I' MRS. MARV LUADLLY. n Dt* a very my mind scs. But her way ; [lud somc- Iness, that lid be en- lat I was d employ- :ions from oraethem. ) place in ged in my 1, engaged I resisted, ivith those fore been nd tempta- could be id said in Or is it encCj hath should at 13 cause ? my mind, rds which n for this ;e shocked I had t aware it contained them. 1. then argued thus, ''J low can these things be ? a female to be called of God I " I always heard that women had nothing to do in public, respecting religious exercises, and that it wa? absolutely forliidden in the Scriptures for a woman to pray in public, or to have anything to Lay in the church of God. Under the consideration of tliosc things, I felt much shame, and confusion, and knew not how to endure it. The crosi, appeared too great for me to take it up. I said nothing to any one upon the subject ; but I pondered it over in my heart. I looked back upon past experience, and still felt it mv one desire to serve God, and a determination to cleave close to him. I felt an unshaken confidence in him, that he would do all things well. I thought the only way for my establishment, was to search the Scriptures ; accordingly, I began at the first of the Bible, in order to inform myself of wiiat it contained. I found it written in Exodus, 35th chapter, that women were emriloved to aid and assist in furnishing the taberna- cle. I thought surely that this Avas a figure of gospel times. I also found written that Miriam, the sister of Moses and Aaron, was called a prophetess, and took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women went out after her, Avith timbrels and with dances, and Miriam answered them : " Sing ye to the Lord, for he hath triumphed glo- riously. The horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea." — Exod. 15. This was a confirmation that although a woman was first in the transgression, that God did not debar them from sharing those triumphs of joy, when he made bare his holy arm, and wrought wonders among the children of men. 1 48 LfFK AND £XPERII;N(JE OF About tliis time, 1788, Lady Huntingdon sent out from England two ministers, with a gratuity of JJiltlcs and other books. One of them was obtained for the Presby- terian cliurch hi Sl)e!HchI, and after a short trial, he was chosen. Having been -without a minister for twelve or thirteen yeai^s, the flock was much scattered, but he made it liis busines-s to gather them together again. About the month of September following, I was at the meeting, and before the morning service began, a woman was received into the church, who had been a member of a church in the States of America. Mrs. M. stooil up in the broad aisle before all the congregation, and was requested to tell her experiencs, which she did ; after be- ing asked several questions, which she answered discreetly, she was received by the signal of holding up the right hand. After the public service was over, the sacrament of the Lord's supper was administered. During the whole of the exercises I paid the greatest attention, for it was the first experience I ever heard told, and the first time I ha', ever seen tlK) sacrament administered. AVhile I saw the pcoj)le partake of the elements, it occurred to my mind I was one of God's children, and it was my determination to serve him, and to be found in the path of duty ; and was all this nothing to me ? If it was their duty, Avas it not mine ? While I was thinking upon those things, the cross appeared so great I thought I could never take it up. But I thought again, " this will not excuse me in the o-reat dav." I then set out afresh to search the Scriptures, and when I found our Savior's own words recorded, " Do this in remembrance of me," and " Let your light so shine before men, that seeing your good works, they may glorify your Father who is in 1 MRS. MARY liRADLEY. 49 out from lies and Prcsby- , he was welve or he made ,3 at the a woman, 3mber of >cil up in and was after be- iscrectly, the right acrament krini; tho on, for it he first mcnts, ifc n, and it md in the If it was ing upon it I couhi Avill not afresh to ior's own ne," and in'jf YOur ,ho is in lieaven," 1 tliouglit how can I fulfil these commands, and live a private Christian, and liow can I partake of the sacrament without joining the church, and becoming a member of it ; and, alas ! my Hesh and spirit shrunk at the idea of taking up such a cross. But I found it writ- ten, " Whosoever shall be ashamed of me before men, of him will I be ashamed before my Father and his holy an- gels ; " and, " Whosoever will confess me before men, him will I also confess before my Father, and before his holy angels." At the reading of these words I felt ashamed and con- demned in my own conscience, for it told me I had felt that shame ; and except I denied myself, and took up my cross and followed him, I could not be his disciitle. I prayed earnestly to the Lord to bow my stubborn will, and give me a humble submission to his will ; and, blessed be liis holy name, he heard and answered my prayer and gave me a desire and resolution to go forward and join tho church. I then opened my mind to my parents, who were moml)crs of the same church, who made my wishes known to the elder and deacons, who set a time for me to come before them for examination, which took j)lace before tho next sacrament. I felt the cross lightened, and had not a doubt but I could tell my experience to their satisfaction. But I was greatly disappointed ; for when I came before a company of grave, aged men, for such a purpose,. I felt so bashful I knew not how to look up. I began to tell my experience, but was overcome with fear of man, which bringeth a snare. They asked me a few questions, but my mind was so shut up, and such darkness came over me, that I knew not how to answer as I ought to do. But one of them, who seemed to discover my confusion, said to 50 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF my comfort, tliat perhaps I could not tell at that *'mo tho 8ul)Stance of what I had experienced, adding it was often the case with youiii^ Christians. They dismissed mo, say- ing I should have to tell my experience in the meeting house at such a time, and if approved, would bo ad- mitted. It is impossible for mo to describe the feelings of my mind at the time. I said, "something is not right with mo ; perhaps 1 have committed some secret sin of which I am not conscious." I examined my motive for joining the church, and every step 1 had taken towards it, and I could not tell what was the matter. I concluded that I would go to God, as when I at first set out to seek him, in confidence that ho would hear me again. I felt myself ignorant and sorrowful ; but I endeavored to look out of myself to Jesus Christ, and thus I i)rayed and wrest'cd with him. At length, when reading the fifty-first psalm, light broke into my soul, par- ticularly the seventh verse, which was the language of my lieart: "' Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow." At tho application of these words, I fclo all my darkness and trouble to be removed. I felt a witness that all my sin was pardoned. The peace and joy I then felt was indescribable. I enjoyed sweet commuxiion with God. I thought the change was almost as great as when I at first sought the Lord ; only I was then delivered from the fear of eternal death, but now from darkness of mind and the fear of man. I felt entirely willing to take up my cross in every way. I had deeper sense of my own unworthiness and weakness than I had before, and more expanded views of religion. 1 MUS. MARY liRAftLEi'. 51 'ino tlio as often n\o, say- moeting I be ad- 3 of my r\\t Avith Df wl I it'll ,t, and 1 I at first hear me ; but I rist, and th, Avhcn loul, par- c of my an, wash plication to be d. The enjoyed igc was ;l ; only ath, but !ry way. cakness ,'cligion' I ft'It the Lord had doeponcd his work iu my heart, and my hope was founded n\)on the Rock of A^es. I searched diligently to fmd out the cause of the chas- tisement. I soon discovereil tliat I had indulged seU'-Hat- terers ansin;; from tem[)tations, such as suited my fidlen nature. I had passed smoothly aloni^ for a considerable time, without any fear of coining short. I had a bright prospect of future glory, and not one doubt of the work of grace being wrought iu my heart. I loathed atid al>- horred the vanities of tlie world, and my delight was in the things of God. 1 thought I could view the land of promise in full faith, that at some future period I should possess it. Under such bright prospects, I enjoyed great happiness; every moment seemed sweetened witli the divine presence. I said in my heart, Wliat am I, that I should be sejjarated from all the youths of ray age, and enjoy sucli privileges ? I thought, surely I am higidy favored, and one of the happiest creatures on earth. 1 thought I lived near to the Lord, and was guided by his counsel. I said in my heart, surely, I do not commit sin : for I feel no inclina- tion to it, nor guilt for it. I had heard old professors of religion say that Christians could not live one moment without Committing sin. I thought, surely then I have experienced something more than is common, for it is not the case with me. I did not perceive the tempter in all this, being ignorant of his subtil ty ; ))ut after passing through the furnace, I discovered the dross. O, how did the serpent try to hide himself while secreting my pride ! and how hateful did my heart api)car to myself, for in- dulging thoughts in my own favor ! I perceived that temptations indulged in that polished way, are far more •i 52 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF clangorous, being more imperceptible, than those of a more open character ; but, "Ilniitli mysf'll', wlion (Jodl sei-, And into notliin,£r fall ; Content if thou exalted be, And Cla-ist lie all in all." A time Avas sot for my joining the church, and I ac- cordingly went to Sheffield for that purpose. As I was ^^reatlv embarrassed on a former occasion, I now wrote a brief account of my experience, and handed it to the minister, who read it to the congregation. He expressed his entire approbation of my experience, and asked me many questions, which I answered to his satisfaction and that of the whole church ; and I was then received with their unanimous approbation. My heart was filled with a large measure of divine love, and especially to the church which I had just joined. One principal o1»ject of my joining the church was to enjoy the privilege of receiving the sacrament. My ex- pectations were high, as to the comfort and joy I should receive on the occasion ; but when I took the bread in my hand, something said, " Throw it away." " What ! " I said, " shall I throw the children's bread away, and give it to the dogs ? " This I concluded must be a temp- tation, and I ate the bread, but it was a dry morsel to me. A cloud of darkness came over my mind, and I was thrown into confusion and distress. I then retired and poured out my heart in prayer and supplication to God, without receiving any comfort. In the afternoon, I at- tended the public service, and during the time of sing- ing, my mind wis opened to a view of things such as I never had before. Suddenly, as in the twinkling of an MRS. MAUY liKAULEY. oa f a more id I ac- s I was iw wrote t to the jxprcssed ^ked mo tion and v^ed with ed with a 10 church 1 was to My ex- I should bread in What ! " ivav, and a temp- morsel to md I was ired and to God, I at- c of sing- uch as I ing of an on, eye, the whole assembly appeared changed. I had such an awful sense of their being in one mass of misery, that I seemed as if my heart would rend asunder. I could realize no part of them but from their shoulders upwards. These sensations filled me with such distress, that it was with the ;;;reatest difficulty imaixinalde that I could restrain iny voice. I folded my arms tight across me, and exerted myself with all my might to keep within bounds. But when they had done singing, those apj)earances were with- drawn, and every thing appeared natural again. Then I thought I could account for my disappointment at the sacrament. For instead of reccivinL!; such a measure of hap|iiness as I expected, from the presence of God to my soul, he gave me a deep Rcnse of the lost state of my fel- low mortals while in their sins. When I came to take a view of my present experience, I clearly saw the impropriety of my going on my way rejoicing, though I had such a bright })rosi)ect of future haiipiness. I seemed as if I had just awoke to a sense of mv dutv, and I liad found mcrcv at the hand of Cod, that I should exert myself in behalf of my fellow crea- tures. I felt such love and pity for them as I never had done before in all my life. After the service was over, I got a passage with esquire's fomily homeward, but as my father lived two or three miles I'arthcr, I consequently stayed at his house that night. My mind was constantly engaged, pondering over and wondering at the things which ha.) Lires. I ( retired before I ! stepped with my without a kvre tolled »on as I lost all :e I was. sage that e a mar- ye out to come se things coming to for such their sin, ppiness ; Ihe house indescri- ■fect love. mong us. r voice ; as if a [1 such a testified luspen ded ., looking a now can take delight in viewing," — meaning, as I thought, that we were so saved and united, and so increased each other's happiness, that it was his delight. I was filled with wonder and amazement, and thought. What place is this ? is it heaven ? am I in heaven, or on earth ? or shall I ever see the like upon earth ? That passage came to my mind, " I had rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness." Then I heard it said there was one who had not on a wed- ding garment ; at which I felt grieved, and my joy to abate. Then I said to myself, surely, this could not be heaven, for there are none in heaven but what are holy ; therefore it must be some place on earth. At this conclusion, the scene Avas immediately with- drawn, and I was still upon my knees, and in the same j)Ostiu'e as at the first. I aiose and went to the bed, and foird the young woman awake. I had no knowledge of tiij •^•h of time I was absent, neither did I ask her any quv.»< ;.., nor tell her what had happened me. I said a few words to her about her soul's salvation, but she made me no answer. I was lost in wonder and amazement at the remarkable dealings of God with me. I said in my heart, surely, the Lord is going to do wonders in the earth. I thought the sight of the miserable state of the people in the last meeting, to which the above account refers, was to show me the unhappy state of mankind in general. And the happy state in which I saw them in the evening, was to shew me his intention to bring about a general reforma- tion throughout the whole world. ^My heart was all in a flame of zeal, expecting that God would shortly accom- plish his glorious work. 'J ho next day, when thinking rx; iMIlH. MARY JiUADLEY. 11 t ■ 11 over tliose things, carefully examining my own heart, knowing I had a subtle adversary to encounter, "who could transform himself into an angel of light, and how liable I was to bo led astray l)y his devices, if I were not directed by the Word as well as by the Spirit of God, I thought, surely the Lord hath caused every thing to bo recorded in his Word, which will take place in time. I therefore felt resolved to search the Scriptures, to see if I could find a confirmation of those things which had been brought to my view. Accordingly, when I returned home, I took the Bible, and opened it promiscuously, and the passage I beheld was the first chapter of the book of Exodus, and the first thing which took hold of my mind was in the second chapter of Exodus ; Moses being raised up by the pfovidence of God, contrary to the king's commandment ; the Hebrew bondage, and Moses being raised up in Pha- raoh's hruse. I was led to read the history through, which greatly enlightened my understanding, and satisfied my mind. The third chapter was very interesting. wn heart, who could )W lial)le I t directed '. thought, recorded therefore if I could !n brought ne, I took le passage xodus, and 'as in the up by the landment ; p in Pha- through, d satisfied ng. 'I I f i CHAPTER VII. " Now Moses kept the flock of Jetliro, his father-in-law, the priest of Midian: and he led the flock to the back side of the desert, and came to the mountain of God, even to Horeb. *' And the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush : and he looked, and, be- hold, the bush burned with fire, and the bush was not con- sumed. And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burned. And when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, here am I. And he said, draw not nigh hither : put ofi' thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standcst is holy ground. Moreover he said, I am the God of thy father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face ; for he was afraid to look upon God. And the Lord said, I have surely seen the affliction of my people which are in Egypt, and have heard their cry by reason of their task- masters ; for I know tlicir sorrows : And I am come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land unto a good land and a large, unto a land flowing with milk and honey." In G 5< r.s l.Il'i: AND i;XPJ;ilIKNCH ok M- ? reu(lin,L5 those statements conccniin;^ (Jod's I.srael, I saw somctliin,^ figurative, and the |)romi.s(?s applicable, so that *'n' inliid Avas cointbrted and established; hut I thought it very mysterious that I should he exercised in such a way, being such a young, ignorant, unworthy creature as I Avas ! l^ers,' [). " iS'ow therefore, behold, the cry of the chil- dren of Israel is come unto me : and I have also seen the oj)pression wherewith the Egyptians oppress them. Come now therefore, and I Avill send thee unto Pharaoh, that thou may est bring forth my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt." Then I was struck Avith fear and amaze- ment; and said, surely this cannot be for me. No, it is never allowed for females to go on such errands ; but still, I felt the application in such a manner, that I kncAv not Avhat to do. I tried all I could to put it from me ; but I could not get rid of it. Verse 11. " And Moses said unto God, Avho am I, that I should go unto Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the children of Israel out of Egypt ?" I felt arrested, and confused in my mind, and so entangled that I knew not Avhat to do." Chap. 4 : 10. " And Moses said unto the Lord, my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant : but I am sIoav of speech, and of a sIoav tongue. And the Lord said unto him, Avho hath made man's mouth ? have not I the Lord ? NoAV therefore go, and I Avill be Avith thy mouth, and teach thee Avhat thou shalt say. And he said, my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him Avhom thou Avilt send. And the anger of the Lord xvas kindled aa'ainst Moses." I thought Moses's objections and opposition to the com mands of God, and aiguments against obeying him, and rt S( t k c* at ^s MUS. MAilY lillAJULLY'. ;VJ I saw so tliat nirlit it a way, I Avas ! e cliil- cn the Come h, that Israel, amaze- 0, it is 3ut still .ew not ; but I 1, that forth rested, - knew iOrd, ir since low of id unto Lord ? d teach send, And e com n, and refusing to take up his cross, because of his own irial)ility, seemed so much like the reasouin;^^. of my own miml ; and the words which were spoken to Moses were so ap})lied to my.-^elf; that when it was said, the Lord's anger was kindled against Moses for liis attempting to disobey his commands,! was filled with fear, and terror, and shrunk at the idea of oftendiug him. I was afraid to draw up any conclusion, leaving it all to himself; thinking we were the work of his hands, and he had a sovereign right to do what he saw fit with his own ; and that we created beings had no right to repl' ag-' 'i him who creat^il us, I felt it was my duty t. ibm ) the will of (jv, ., and wait his time to reveal it, by the opening of his providence. I Avas fully established it was the Lord's doing, however marvel- lous it was in my eyes. J'lrse 14. " And he said, is not Aaron, the Levite, tliy brother ? I know that he can speak well. And also, behold, he cometh forth to meet thue : and when he seeth thee, he will be glad in his heart. And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth : and I will be with tliv mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach vou what ye shall do." I thought surely God will provide an Aaron, in his own time, to do his work. The week following was verv remarkable, from the time 1 returned home to my father's house, Mhich was on Mon- day, until the Saturday night following. I think I may safely say that God was directing and enlightening my mind. The discoveries I had in that time, are out of my power to write. I can com[)are them to nothing more suitable, than the unfolding of volumes of past, present, and future events — religious ami {)oliiical. Time like a wheel roUing round, the events of providence a id the transactions of the world formin;' a wheel within a 60 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF ■'f n III I- 1 1^ i; wheel, while I was beholding and admiring the wisdom, power, truth, justice, mercy and goodness of God. These words were continually turning over and over in my mind : " Great is the mystery of godliness. 0, the wonderful works of God ! unto you is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God." The weight those sensations brought upon my mind was exceedingly great. While I was thinking of it, these words were applied to me : "I will give thee strength according to thy day." Then I felt I could cast all my care upon the Lord, believing he would strengthen and support me. I pondered over those things, and determined to keep them a profound secret ; but I was deeply affected under a sense of the deadness and backsliding state of professing Christians, and the wretched state of mankind at large. It appeared to me that the Lord was about to do a gi'cat work in the earth, and that he would raise up a pure church, which would be cleansed from all sin, and filled with pure love to God, and to one another. I thought it would be a general thing, and that all earthly things would be changed, and that we should be so spiritually minded, that every thing would become spiritual unto us. I thought the Lord would take to himself his great power, and reign in the hearts of the children of men ; and that joy, and peace, and happiness, would abound among them. It came to my mind to search the Scriptures to ascertain whether or not there was anything written therein which corresponded with my views. I opened to the twenty- eighth chapter of Isaiah, and read : Wo to the crown of pride, to the drunkards of Ephraim, whose glorious beauty is a fading flower, which are on the head of the fat valleys of them that are overcome with wine ! f » "t MU6. MAUV U HAD LEY. r»i irisdom, These 1 mind : >nderful nystery ind was e words cording ipon the me. I ep them inder a ofessing t large. a gveat church, th pure hat all lid be so piritual power, nd that 2: them, scertain which twenty- whose )fthe fat Behold, llie Lord lialli a mighty niid strong one, which as a tcin- pi\st of li.'iil mid a destroying storm, ns n iood of mighty waters ovcrnowing, shall cast down to the earth wuh the hand. 'I'iio crown of pride, the drunkards of Ephraiin, sliall oe trodden under feet: And the glorious heauty, which is on the head of the fat valley, shall he a fading tlower, and as the hasty fruit before the sununcr; which when he thatlooketh upon it seeth, while it is yet in his hand, he cateth it up. In that day shall the Lord of hosts be for u err ', of glory, and for a diidoni of beauty, unto the residue of his people, And for a spirit of judguieut to him that sitteth in jutlgment, and for strength to them that turn the battle to the gate. But they also have erred through wine, and through strong drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink, they are swallowed up of wine, they are out of the way through strong drink ; they err in vision, they stumble in judg- ment. For all tables are full of vomit and filthiness, so that there is no place clean. Whom shall he teach knowledge ? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine ? them that are weaned from the luilk, and drawn from the breasts. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept ; lino upon line, line upon line ; here a little, and there a little : For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people. To whom he said. This is the rest wherewith ye may cause the weary to rest; and this is the refreshing: yet thoy would not liear. But the word of the IjonI was unto them, precept upon precept, prece])t upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a litt'e and there a little; that they might go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared, and taken. Wherefore hear the word of the Lord, ye scornful men, that rule this people which is in Jerusalem. Because ye have said, We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are wo at agreement; when the ovcrtlowinn' scour<'e 6' 62 MFK AXU EXPKRIEXrn OF ahfiU pass throuijli, it shall not come unto us : for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselves : Therefore thus saith the Lord (lod, behold I lay in Zion for a foun- daiion, a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure founda- tion : he that helievcth shnll not make haste. Judgment also will I lay to the line, and righteousness to tho plummet : and the hail shall sweep away the refuge of lies, and the waters shall overflow the hiding-places. And your covenant with death shall be disannulled, and your agreement with hell shall not stand ; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, then ye shall be trodden down by it. From the time that it goeth forth it shall take you : for morning by morning shall it pass over, by day and by night: and it shall be a vexation only to understand the report. For the bed is shorter than that a man can stretch himself on it: and the covering narrower than that he can wrap himself in it. For the Lord shall rise up as in mount Perazim, he shall be wroth as in the valley of Gibecn, that he may do his work, his ucrange work ; and bring to pass his act, his strange act. Now therefore be ye not mockers, lest your bands be made strong: for I have heard from the Lord God of hosts a consumption, even determined upon the whole earth. Give ye ear, and hear my voice ; hearken, and hear my speech. Doth the ploughman plough all day to sow ? doth he open and break the clods of his ground ? When he hath made plain the face thereof, doth he not cast abroad the fitches, and scatter the cummin, and cast in the princi- pal wheat, and the appointed barley, and the rye in their place ? For his God doth instruct him to discretion, and doth teach him. ^ For the fitches are not threshed with a threshing instrument, neither is a cart-wheel turned about upon the cummin ; but the fitches are beaten out with a staflT, and the cummin with a rod. Bread-corn is bruised ; because he will not ever be threshing it, nor break it with the wheel of his cart, nor bruise it with his horse- men. This also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working. MRS. MAKV IJUAM.KY. 63 iiadclios ir afo^n- ; founda- s to tho I, and tho ind your scourge morning shall be elf on it: n it. be wroth s fetrange le strong: ion, even speech. )pen and not cast e princi- &ce? ch him. 1 niment, but the rod. sliing it, is horse - on derful While reading the above cliapter, I had such an appli- cation of it to my mind, that I had not a donht remaining ; for as face answercth to face in water, so the word seemed to correspond, and I seemed to realize every feature. I felt greatly strengthened, and my understanding much en- lightened. I was led to continue reading, and studying the Prophets, who clearly testified that we were to expect such things. fsaiah, chapters 1 1 and 1'2. — And thorc shall como forth a rod out [of the stem of Jesse, and a branch sliall grow out of his roots: And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon hiiU; the spirit of wis- dom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledire and of the fear of the Lord; And shall make him of quick understanding in tho fear of the Lord: and he shall not judge after tho sight of his eyes, neither re- prove afier the hearing of his ears : But with righteousness shall he judge the poor, and reprove with equity for tho meek of the earth: and he shall smite the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips shall he slay the wicked. And righteousness shall bo the girdle of his loins, and faithfulness the girdle of his reins. The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, ar.d the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the yoimg lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed ; their young ones shall lie down together : and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's den. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain: for the earth shall be full of knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea. And in that day there shall be a root of Jesse, which shall stand for an ensign of the people; to it shall the Gentiles seek: and his rest shall be glorious. And it shall come to pass in that day, that the Lord shall set his 64 LlFi: A\I) KXPKKIKXCK OF hfuul an:fiiii the second time to recover the rcmnrint of hia ppoplo, wliicli hIi.iII Ix' N'rt, from Assyria, mid from Hifypt, niid from T'litliros, ntid from Cd-^li, and from Mlam, and from Sliinar, and from llamatli, and from tin' islands of lliesen. And ho shall sot np nn ensign for the nations, nnd shrill assnmhlo the outcasts of Israel, and {jatlior lo;jrther the dispersed of Juduh from the lour corners of iho earth. 'i'ho t'livy also of F''i)hraim shall depart, and the adversaries of .Indiih shall ho cut off: J'lphraim shall not envy Jndah, and Judah shall not vox Kphrain), Ihit they shall lly upon the shoulders of the Pliilistines toward the west; they shall spoil them of the east tojjelhor : tht^y simll lay their hand upon Edom and Moah ; and t)ie children of Aniinon shall ohey thorn. Am I the Lord shall utterly destroy the tonjjuc of the E^ryptian sea, and with his mi;;hfy wind shall he s^hake his hand over the river, and shall smite it in the seven streams, and make men go over dry- shod. And thera shall he an Jiij^hway for the remnant of his people, Avhich shall be left, from Assyria ; like as it was to Israel in the day that ho came up out of the land of E.iiypt. And in that day thon shall say, () Lord, I will praise thee: thoujjh thou wast nnyry with nic, thine anjjer is turneil away, and tiiou comfortedst me. Behold, God is my salvation ; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my sonjj ; ne also is become my salvation. 'J'horefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salva- tion. And in that day shall ye say. Praise the Lord, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted. Sing unto the Lord ; for he hath done excellent things : this is known in all the earth. (^ry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion ; for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee. Chapter 4*2. — Behold my servant, whom I uphold; mine elect, in whom my soul dolighteth ; I have j)ut my Spirit upon him : he shall bring forth judgment to the Gentiles. £ MKS. MARY iJRADuEY. t)5 13 pCOplP, II PiilliroB, IlaiMiitli, assonihic of Juduii rsuries of [id Jiulali ownrd tlio hIiuH lay iiiiun shall Egyptian • the river, over dry- ia people , in the day e : though and thou 'raid : for become of sal va- ns name, iiis name 3 : this is the Holy elect, in : he shall lie shall not cry, nor lift up, nor cause his voice to be heard in tiie Btreot. A bruised reed shall he not break, and the sniokinfj flax shall he not quench: he .'•hall brinjj torfh judgment unto truth. lie shall not fail nor be discouraged, till he have set judgment in the earth: ond the isles shall wait lor his law. Thus saith God the Lord, he that created the heavens, and stretch, cd them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveih breath unto the people upon it, and apintto them that walk therein : I the Lord have called tlieo in righteousness, and will hold thino hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the (Jentiles ; To open the blind eyes, to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison-house. I am the Lord: that is my name: and my glo' ' will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images. Behold, the former things are come to pass, and nev thir-jj do I declare: before they spring forth I tell you of the. n. Sing unto the Lord a new song, and his praise from the ond ot th»' earth, ve that go down to the sea, and all liiat is therein ; the isi !<, and the inhabitants thereof. Lot the wilderness and the cities thereof lift up theiv voi^o, the villages that Kedar doth inhabit : let the inhabitants of the rock sing, let them shout from the tf)p of the mountains. Let them give glory unto the Lord, and declare his praise in the islands. Chapter 40. — Listen, O isles, unto me ; and hearken, ye people, from far; The Lord iiath called me from the womb ; from the bow- els of my mother hath he made mention of my name. And he hath made my moutli like a sharp sword; in the shadow of his hand hath he hid me, and made me a polished shaft; in his quiver hath he hid me ; And said unto me, Thou art my servant, O Israel, in whom I will be glorified. Then I said, I have laboured in vain, I have spent my strength for nought, and in vain ; yet surely my judgment is with the Lord, and my work with my God. 06 LIFE AND EXPEUIEXCE uF And now, snith t!io Lord, thiit formed mo from the womb to bo his servant, to britiible, and ^r private prayer before the duties of the day commenced. The state of mv mind became graduallv ditlercnt from what it was before I left home. I did not eiijov so much of the life and power of religion, nor that constant tender- ness for the souls of my fellows, and there seemed to be more care devolve upon mc in the discharge of my tempo- ral duties, than when at home ; but still I did not lose sight of the great end in view. I longed for a revival of reli- gion to take place in my own soul, and in the souls of others. No marks of it yet appeared. Preaching produced lit- tle eifect upon the i)eople. I was determined from my first setting out in th' j;ood way, to slum the com[)any of those who might provi i snare to me, and I still felt the same resolution. I W' ild introduce religious subjects to tliose with whom I conversed ; but it seemed to be labor spent in vain. I strove to maintain humbling views of myself, and watched the motions of my depraved nature, and if the pride of dress began to devolope itself — for I thought a proud heart was an abomination in the sight of the Lord — I would desist from wearing whatever would serve as a prop to my pride and selfflattery. It was my desire to walk in the strait and narrow way, laid down by my Sa- vior ; and although I did not enjoy so much of his i)rcsence, I could rely upon his promises, and })ut my whole trust and confidence in him. I continued to long for the spread 7* i 74 MKS. MAKY I3RADLEY. of liis kingdom. There appeared to be great dcadness among professors of religion. I thought they did not en- joy its life and power. They were so much taken up with the world, they had little time for religious conversation. I would pray, Lord pour out of thy Spirit upon the people of Sheffield. that our church would arise and shine, that Zion might put on her beautiful garments. I mourned because I did not feel that sweet union with vay brothers and sisters, which I thought ought to be felt, and was our great privilege ; but above all we did not love God as we ought. I would exclaim in the language of the prophet, *' that my head were waters, and my eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the daughters of my people." U CHAPTER VIII. A RiiiniiTER day now appeared to dawn. The congre- gation, and people generally, were greatly delighted with the minister, and came far and near to hear him ; and he was greatly extolled for his abilities. The church had been destitute of a minister for nine or ten years pre- vious. No wonder, therefore, their hearts should rejoice, in prospect of the means of grace. They settled a yearly salary upon him, and he became their minister. However, their joy was of short duration, for there soon appeared in him the habit which was prevalent at the time — the use of strong drink — and a train of things which occasioned altercation among the people ; some en- deavoring to conceal, and others to bring to light what they conceived to be improper. A long time of strife elapsed, before a decision could be arrived at, and the minister removed. During the delays and suspense of matters in the church, glad tidings which rejoiced my heart, reached my ears. Mr. Bishop, a Methodist minis- ter, had arrived, and there was a great reformation among the people. I was immediately filled with high expecta- tions, and longed to see him. At length the day arrived. "We heard in the morning, he was to call that day ; and when he came, I was much struck with his appearance. 75 76 LIFE AND EXPERTKXCE OF lie fippoiiited mcctin^i^ that afternoon, in the con^^rcga- tional njeeling house ; the text was, '' Is it well ^ith thee? is it well witli tliy liusband 'i is it ^Yell Nvilli the child ? And she said, It is Avell." I experienced nothing special under the sermon. lie appointed another meeting in the evening, at a private Iiouse, abo\it a mile further down the river. I also went, thinknig I coidd not be denied a blessing. I was praving as 1 went along, that the Lord would revive his Avork in my soul. I said, " U Lord, 1 beseech thee, show me thy glory." There seemed to be an echo to my petitions, imd Scripture truth applied. That evening, after the sermon, for the first time, I heard several young converts tell their experience. I was highly gratified to heai* them. I wanted a resurrection in my own soul, and then our S})irits would unite and run together as the heart of one. When the meeting was concluded, ]Mr. Bishop appointed a prayer meeting next mornmg. This was the first time I ever heard of a prayer meet- ing. When I entered the meeting, a female was })raying, which was the first female I ever heard ])ray in public, in all my life. I thought it was remarkable. It came to my mind that I should take up my cross, when she was dene, and pray. I shrunk at the idea, and thought I could not; but it occurred to mv mind I wanted a bless- ing, and if I embraced this opportunity I might obtain it. When she stopped, I commenced ; and Avhen prayer was over, and I arose upon my feet, I instantly fell to the floor. I had such an awiul sense of the presence of God, that I vras struck speechless, and all my strength left me. I was tak^n up and laid upon the bed. I could not draw I I MK.S. MAUV IJKAULI.V. < < tlicc? child ? . IIo )rivutc » went, iriiyiii;^ ork in me tliy fis, iMid time, I I was Tcction nd run g next meet- aying, jlic, in [\me to le "was i-ht I bless- obtaia prayer to the ■of Gud, ft me. t draw a breath without a lieavy groan. The holiness of God, the purity of his Word and righteous h'\w, and tho obe- dicnec he rei{uired of liis people, appeared like a flame of tire to my soul. Then several persons, and duties, were brouglit before me, while I lay upon the bed, before I could speak ; which I will relate, by divine assistance, as correctly as possible. The first person who appeared was D. M., to whom I was solemnly engaged in matrimony. The second was G. 15., my brother-in-law, Avhora I had sometime previously offended. IlimsrT and the cause of the offence were brought to view, and 1 felt it my duty to acknowledge mv fault to him. The third were the elders of the church to which I bo- longed, that I should meet them, and testify to them tho mysterious part of my experience recorded in this narra- tive. The fourth was my father's family, that I should relate to tl.cm tlic gracious dealings of God to my soul, and warn them to prepare to meet him. Those four separate objects, each one appeared at a breath, and was gone, and gave place for another. My breathings were very long, and every object brought a severe pain in my heart, which caused me to groan heavily. Afte:* these sensations passed over, my mind set- tled upon the church, which I saw to be in a cold and life- less state, destitute of the power of religion. After a while my mind became entirely settled, and my distress by degrees abated, until I could breathe quite easily. Then I spoke to Mrs. L., and told her I wanted to see Mr. B., my brother-in-law. She went to inform the people where I lived ; but Mr. M.came first, to whom I 7« lai'K AND EXJ'ErUKNOE OF related tlic state of my niiiul ; rcear, 10 — Bsion way 1 returned acrain to my father's house, where 1 contin- ued for several weeks. My mind was solemnly engaged in reading, meditation, prayer, and reHgious conversation, which was all my delight, I thought, if it were customary for femalos to preach th'C gospel, how gladly would I en- gage in the employment. I truly felt a missionary spirit. O, ln)w i longed to preach salvation to a dying world, and tell of the wonders of redeeming grace and dving luve — to invite precious souls to seek the Savior's grace ; to •^varn them to flee from the veir pros- perity, and was determined to become a member as soon as Providence should oj)Ln my way to attenil upon their ministry and enjoy their communion. 1 endeavored to walk with God, and to ^n-'^ him my whole heart ; desiring to be directed by his Vv'ord and Holy Sjiirit, and to watch and pray continually, lest I sh(;uld lose the enjoyment of roliixion. I felt so much weaned from the world and all its transi- tory enjoyments, that it seemed a burden to look forward 00 MRS. MAKY BllADliEY. and enter into a renewed cnf];agcraent in its concerns. I sliould have been «^lad could I have been exeinptod from the task, but as 1 could not fall back from my enga-^ement, 1 therefore strove to submit to the will of God, who ordevs all tliin-is for the good of those who love him f concerns. 1 :cmpteil from engagement, I, who ordc s CHAPTER X. 11 I WAS married to Mr. D. M., on the loth day of Feb- ruary, in the year 1703. The cin nstances which led to our acquaintance, and union, vicrv as t)llow3 : When I lived with Mr. and Mr '^., in Sheffield, Mr. D. M. lived on the opposite side v. .m. river, ilia house took fire and burned down. Mr. S. then kindly invited him to come to his house, and make it his home, until he could better himself ; and that the privilege should cost him nothing. Mr. D. M. accepted the kind invitation, early in the winter. He occupied one room, and boarded himsolf for nearly two years. An aged lady, motlicr of Mr. S., who lived with us, looking mc earnestly in the face one day, said to me : " Do you know that Mr. 1). M. is in love with you ? " Struck with astonisjnnent, at her speech, I replied : '' How do you know that this is the case ? She replied, I do know it : " and said farther, that he could hardly set himsoU* to work on your account, adding, he will make you a kind husband, if you can fancy him.'* I said no more to her on the subject, but I thought that could never be : though what she said, set rae to thinking, surely it is a great misfortune to any person to love another to his own injury. liut I said in my heart, surely I can never consent to become his wife. I had 91 ^a IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) V // y. M/^ 1.0 I.I ■^IM 12.5 lU ... |„„^ y^ — 2.0 2.2 1^ I4£ 18 Lil IIIIIJA 111.6 Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 872-4503 <>, 7K Wr^ ^/-^Q ^S^ m- i/.j. 92 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF 1; mnnj ohjections ; lie Avat^ not a professor of religion — a great disparity in our aire — his want uf education — his comparative poverty — what prospect couhl I have ? And the greatest ohjection ■was, I did not love him — I never had any incUiuition tor any acquaintance with liim — tliere was nothing aniiahle in his countenance — and let his affection toward me, be what it might, I had a sufficient excuse for not com].)lying, shoukl he make the re([uest. I was therefore determined to put away every thouglit of the kind. Then I thought again : God created him as well as me, and he is as good by nature as myself. I then entered into a serious consideration about the mat- ter : perhaps I am not doing right. It may be, that indulging myself in my own supposed superiority, I may be acting from a selfish motive ; for I am not capable of chooshig for myself, neither am I able to act according to the will of God, without his direction. After I cxijerienced religion, I made up my mind to depend entirely u})on the Lord to choose a companion for me, if it were his will I ever should have one. I thought : how do 1 know, but this is the very person lie hath chosen for me ; if this be the case, no excuse is a sufficient objection di my part. I thought again, his age is no dis^grace — neither was liis poverty any excuse in the sight of the Lord ; for the earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof, and the cattle upon a thousand hills ; and he was able to give to him, such a portion of it as he thought proper. His want of education demanded pity, rather than blame ; his not professing religion, was rather matter for humiliation and prayer ; for there was a time, when I had no religion ; and the Lord was as able to give him that blessing, as he I « »'KS. MAHX iflul,Li:v. 0-i was to give it to myself ^„ . \ °>™ ''ea,t,I found i \,,: V''','; ^ ™"'° '» «"™i"e m^ -do „s ,0 differ ; and t ,], ^ :,:","■= ^"""' " hioh J- I lM..i.eit,,or times running ,vere for it. '^ '°' ^"^ "^'^e AltJioufh I did t]\' ' ^'x^er aTu, astonis!:;::r "t^^ T'''"'' ^"'"'"^ "■"■ '^l-atoverlshouldaskofGodin^l/h T"' '" ""^ ™'"l' -""Oil of God, and p4 1 i. i":;;'"^^ "■'--'-• h'3 commands, Le would bv his III ' ' '"'' "''^^'^^ donee, order and direct all thin fo! ' T'""' P''""' ■"Fossed upon mv mind fo, '°°'''- ^M-adbeen l^ad something in res^orTt 1m,::' 'T; ""■" "'^ ^^^ move f..r«.ard in anythi,, "';,„?"',' ' """ ^ ''''^ ''"■™W lest I should ero,s lli^ "".' ""'°"' •''sl^ins divine counsel I t'-efor, concl : I' rr""-' "^"^'« '"^ »^ 4 ;° i-n for wisdom, and\ te ^d' ^^.f ";-^"'' ^ -"^ «o '° »«. to go to the Lord ; "; "''^^'•"'Sl/- It occurred '{ '■' >>o thy will, that I s'll, "7''" "-'"-■ Lord, '"f« «f I>. M, i beseech I .? '"'"""' '" ''•^'^'""o the '"•'- But if itbet; bV:v: r:^7^'"^^^ f f-eeome his wife, L J^s d ' f! ' ^'""" ^»"-"' -■" n>y mind towarfs hi J, b! P "'^ '""'* ""' I;"owand do thy holyand hies dl^ ''';.^'"^'I"^V tho first petition in the „e Jti u " ,.^^''"" ^ "^'^'o'l ivhen I asked the secondt. v ' "° ''''^''^"^'=°- ^ut second pet,t,on, my heart was immedi- 9[ LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF i' . atelj' Foftcncd, and a flood of tears gnshed from my eyes ; and thc30 words were instantly applied to my heart : " AVhatsoever ye shall bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven," and " What God hath joined to;^cther, let not man put asunder." The answer was so elear, and satis- l\ictory, both as to the will of the Lord, and my duty, that the following evening, when Mr. D. M., requested an in- terview, it was readily granted. He told me the wishes of his heart, which corresponded with what the old lady had told me, that it had been his desire for a long time to form an acquaintance with me ; but had kept his mind to himself, for fear of a denial. Being prepared by the previous information I had received, and the ordeal through which I had passed, a free and mutual conversation ensued ; in which was ex- pressed our past trials and difficulties, intentions and future expectations. He then said, having been greatly disappointed by a person not fulfilling her engagements to him, he had resolved to be more careful in committing himself to another. He presented a Bible, saying he hoped I had no objections to taking an oath of fidelity upon that, and he would do the same to me. The request somewhat frightened me at first ; but considering for a moment, I thought, what difference can an oath make be- tween us, for I am already bound by my convictions and conscience, and would not dare turn back from my resolu- tions ; ^ therefore consented to his request. He then pro- ceedec^ take a solemn oath upon the Bible, making use of his Maker's name, giving himself to me without reserve, to be my true and faithful husband, when his situation should be such, that he could provide me a home. Then he handed the Bible to me, putting words into my mouth, f * ■^ MR3. MARY BRADLEY. 05 litting ing he idelity [equest It for a iVe be- ts and Iresolu- jn pro- [(f use o iserve, cuation Then \outh, in the form of an oath. Thus did I hind mjself to a man Avithout asking the advice of any one on earth ; hut I -was conscientious in doing that which [ believed was riglit in the sight of the Lord, whose direction I had sought. Some time after, Mr. M. took me to my father's. But I soon found, that my rektions had many objections to him, Avhich struck a damp upon my spirits, and grieved me much to find them unliappy, thinking I had made an unsuitable choice. They were very kind to me while I stayed with them, which was but a few days at that time. I was sorely tempted to repent of what I had done, when I found my friends were opposed to it, and looked upon him with coldness ; but being convinced I had asked counsel of the Lord, and had been directed by Ilim, gave me hope that he Avould bring me oif more than conqueror. I endeavored to hide tlie state of my mind from Mr. M., and sought sup- port and direction from the Lord. When I felt my mind happy in God, I saw all was well, and endeavored as much as possible to keep in that state. The tempter woidd often come in like a flood ; but the promises of God were my support ; and I Avas often refreshed with his presence. I could commit all my cares to him ; and cast my burden upon him, and then I felt happy. Some time after, my youngest sister Avas married. When I found she Avas going to leave home, T Avas much grieved for my aged parents. I wept much, to think that my kind mother, after bringing up such a large family, must be deprived of all her daughters, noAV in her declin- ing years. W^hen I had a visit from Mr. M., I spoke something of my grief to him, not thinking he AVOuld take offence ; but he felt stirred up to Avritc me, saying, since I Avas so much grieved about the matter, he would give 90 LliE AND EXPERIENCE OF mo up, and foci himself at liberty to turn to the world again. When I saw the contents of the letter, I was over- joyed, insomuch, tliat I scarcely knew Avhere I was. I felt trulv thankful to be relieved from entering; into the marriage state, altliougli T did not say a word to him that I was so tried ; neither would I indulge my feelings to a change of mind ; but I wondered how he came to change his mind. I thouglit, if he has given me up, I am free ; and as I had not fell back from my promise, I felt no guilt, and was perfectly satisfied. A while after, I went to SheffieM, not expecting to see him, as I knew he worked in the Avoods ; but he happened to be at home, and when lie saw me, he spoke very kindly, and seemed as glad to see me as usual. I said Avliy do you speak to me ? surely you Avant nothing of me ? you have given me up, and found yourself at liberty to turn to the Avorld again. " Why," said he, " did you take me in earnest, in what I Avrote you ? " " Yes, to be sure, I replied ; and if you repented and gave me up, I am very glad." He replied, " What Avill you do Avith your oath ?" "I ansAvered, if 3'ou have broken the oath yourself, Avithout any provoca- tion, it is your own fault, and not mine." When he found I Avas in earnest about the matter, he was much cast down, and said he only did it to try me. I said, you must abide by the consequences : for I shall take you at your Avord ; and you have only yourself to blame, and bid him good-night. The next morning he sent for me, saying he Avanted to speiJv Avith me ; and said he was very sorry for Avhat he liad done ; and could I not overlook it, and pardon his fault ? I said, I could forgive him ; but I could not say I should roncAV my engagement to him. I said, you must p t MRS. MAIIV liUADLKi', 97 shall self to [ted to Ihat he [on his [ot say must pray to the Lord for true repentance and grace, to give up yourself and me to Inm ; and it may be, that Tie will turn my heart to you again. I felt very sorry for liiin, for lie looked really sick ; but I did not know what step to take. It happened that one of the local preachers was there at the time, and though a stranger to me, I related to him the circumstances, and asked his advice. His first reply was, '• Abraham travailed three days Avith his son Isaac, before he oftered him up." The answer operated as a check, not to be too absolute in the matter. After a while, Mr. II. gave me the Bible open, pointing his finger to Jeremiah 40 : 4. " And now, behold, I loose thee this day from the chains which were upon thine hand. If it seem good unto thee to come with me into Babylon, come ; and I will look well unto thee : behold, all the land is before thee : whither it seemeth good and convenient for thee to go, thither go." I then made a visit to my sister and brother-in-law, in Maugerville, to whom I related my trouble, and asked their advice. My brother went to see him, and on his return told me, he was very sick ; and did not think he could live ; and observed, there seemed to be quite a change wrought in him ; on hearing which, my heart was moved with sympathy towards him. I then prayed more earnestly that I might be directed according to the Divine will in every respect. I again returned home, and on my way, called to see Mr. M., whom I found so penitent, that I greatly hoped his trouble had been sanctified to the good of his soul ; and thought I could eye the hand of God in the dispensa- tion of his providence toward us. 9* 98 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF lie said it came to his mind, to fast three days and nights, and it might he, that the Lord would turn my heart towards him again — lie did so ; and on one of those nights when asleep, he dreamed he saw me standing at the foot of his bed, dressed in white, with a candle in my right hand. He then took encouragement, that the Lord would hear his prayer, and that he should obtain his request. I then, having such evident t( kens of his sincerity, con- sidered myself bound by my former engagement ; which I acknowledged to him, and felt much more satisfied with him than before ; and when he made me another visit, he said as I was so much grieved on account of leaving home, if it was the wish of my parents, I might remain with them after our marriage ; to which they readily acceded. At length, consent was given, a time set, and preparations were made, and Mr. M. came for the purpose of being married. At this juncture, a brother who lived at a distance, came home and set his face against it, and stirred up my father to oppose it ; saying he had heard a report that Mr. M . had a wife before he came to this country. My father was grieved, and said, if I got married, it must be without his consent. Thus was my way again hedged up ; and again I retired by prayer to my only refuge in time of trouble ; and tak- ing up the Bible, opened promiscuously upon the 27th Psalm : I ^ The Lord is my light and my salvation ; whom shall I fear ? the Lord is the strength of my life ; of whom shall I be afraid ? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. MRS. MAllY LUADLEY. 99 tired tak- 27th fear? liid? upon Thoucfh an host, should encamp againat me, my heart shall not fear; though w.-ir should rise against me, in this will I be conti- dent. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to beliold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple. For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion : in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me ; he shall set me up upon a rock. And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about luo : therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy ; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice : have mercy also upon me, and answer me. When thou saidst, Seek '''^ :iy face ; my heart said unto thee. Thy face, Lord, will I seek. Hide not thy fice far from me; put not thy servant away in an- ger; thou hast been my help ; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salva*'on. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the wil' of mine enemies : for false wit- nesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord : be of g .5 courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart : wait, I say, on the : ,ord. While reading this Psalm, I felt it so effectually applied, that it afforded me great comfort, like a light shining upon my path, enabling me to cast my burden upon the Lord. I told my father of the comfort of my mind, in taking the matter to a throne of grace, and my confirmation that I was in the way of duty ; and if the union should be prevented, the consequences must rest upon those who 100 MRS. MARY BRADLEY. T.I' prevent it. I am conscience bound, and cannot retract my solemn vow, for any iVivolons report raised against him. ein;^ able to l)oar the expenses, the loss fell upon my hushand. l^o that tlie property we both possessed was not equal to tlie debt, Avhich was c vin;j; to the merchant in !^t. Johns. Therefore, as we were ii.ible at any time to be deprived of o\ir little all, I coinited notiiing I possessed my own ; and that was like a mountain to me ; business was very dull, and he had :io way to earn any thing in the winter ; and I knew no way how wc should ever be able to pay it. Just at this critical time, it occurred to me, I will commence the business of weav- ing. Accordingly I set up my loom, and notified my neighbors, and I soon had jilcnty of work. I exerted hiv- self to the utmost of my power. I took my pay in sucii trade as was suitable for our fi\mily's use, which made the payment easy to my customers. I soon got into the way of helping ourselves greatly. My labor Avas hard ; but I was favored with a good constitution, and I felt much en- couraged and truly thankful for such a providential open- ing. I realized my situation, but I endeavored not to bo ruled by my feelings, but to make all things bow to my better judgment and circumstances. I enforced it upon myself not to crave what was out of my reach of tempo- ral good, excepting to get out of debt, for which I strove earnestly. I was content with what God in his wise prov- idence had alottcd me, both as to food, raiment, furniture, habitation, and all beside, nut desiring the company of those who were above me in life ; maintaining carefulness, prudence, and hidustry, which I considered my bounden duty ; and while my head and hands were thus employed, I might give my heart fully to the Lord, praying that it might not be unduly set upon objects here below, but MRS. AIARY I5UADLEV. 103 i \ my ppon mpo- irovc lirov- ;iire, of iCSS, lid en it it but upon thinL's above, that my treasure and heart might ho in heaven. After Air. M. gave up the lumbering business, ho en- gaged to clear land f*M' Mr. S. D. S., in Burton, at "which lie was working the sun mer previous to our marriage ; but he did not fiuisli it until lat«.« in the fall of the year follow- ing ; and as he had lived upon his wages, and hired help, ho had but little coming to him when the work was fin- islicd, and the greater part of that little was turned in favor of our creditor. When mv husband came home and told mo he had finished his engagement, I felt truly thank- ful io that kind hand which had brought us on thus far. ^V J had been married nine months, and I had been comfortahly provided for, and a g0(^d prospect for the en- suing winter. I had the privilege of two cows' milk ; one my husband brous^ht home, and the other my father gave me ; so that by an interchange of milk with my mother, I made plenty of cheese and butter for our own use. Wc raised potatoes sufficient for the family, and for fatting our pork ; so that with these necessaries of liil', milk and butter, potatoes and pork, with but little bread, we Uved ; except- ing particular occasions, I made little use of tea and sugar. I never ran my husband in debt for any thing whatever. I endeavored to supply our little wants by my own exer- tions. T felt quite encouraged to hope, by the blessing of God, tbat wc should accumulate a comfortable living. The spring came on, and my eldest brother offered us his farm, upon shares, for three years. Hay and grass being its principal productions, we had nothing to spare of all we raised, but butter and cheese. We did not raise grain sufficient for our own use ; but my weaving in the winter, when the dairy was out of the way, procured for us as .4 104 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF much bread stuff as we needed. Tlio prospect of paying our debt was not encouraging. At length my dear father died, and remembered me with a legacy in his will. I had just received the first payment, Avhen my husband received a lawyer's letter, by order of Mr. II. T., notify- ing him that if payment were not made immediately, he would be prosecuted. When I saw the contents of the letter, and the sum demanded, I said to my husband I would freely give up what I had received, which being just the amount of the debt, he went directly to the lawyer and paid it. I thought, how good has Providence been to us, that we were not distressed before we had it in our power to pay the demand. I then felt much encouraged, thinking what we should earn would be our own, and labored in hope, that at some future period, we should be in better circum- stances. The constitution of my husband was much broken ; he never Eoemed in good health, which occasioned me great anxiety ; but we got on better than our boding fears. Notwithstandinof our discouragements, I endeavored to cultivate cheerful submission to the hand of Providence. We remained upon my brother's farm four years ; then hired a small one in the same neighborhood, where we remained two years ; before the end of which, my hus- band went to St. John and hired a farm of William Ha- zen, Esq., in Portland, on the marsh. lie then made a vendue, and sold his live stock, hay, articles of furni- ture, and farming utensils. When the river opened in the spring, we removed to St. John, to commence upon our farm, the first of May, 1800. Here we resided six years, two and a half miles from the city. In 1805, my husband purchased a house and four lots MKS. iMAKY iiRADl.EY. 10. of land, in Germain street, St. John ; and in the year followin^;^, we removed to our new abode. The fii'st few years, we kept a grocery, rented a part of tlic house, and had little pros[)ect of paying for the property. At length times chanii;ed for the better, and mv husband was enabled to life the mortgages, and the property became our own. AVe then felt ourselves greatly blessed by the kind hand of Providence, Avhich had so prospered our labors that we had accumulated a comfortable home ; which we esteemed a great blessing. In the midst of all human enjoyment, and sometimes at the very top of expectation and hope, a corroding worm is discovered to be at the root of our earthly comforts. My husband's health gradually failed. Nature could no longer retain its hold of life, but gave way to death, the first day of March, 1817. Two years and four months I remained a lonely widow. 10 mce. then we lius- ila- Imade furni- id in I upon six lots I ! CHAPTER XII. As I have detailed our temporal course, during my past stage of married life, I now deem it proper to relate a short account of my mental exercises daring that period. The various modes of life, early associates and hahits, lead to certain views and sentiments, which being thus imbibed before the judgment is matured, give a certain cast to the mind, and erect a sort of standard, according to which, whether true or false, we are frequently led to look upon every person and thing during subsequent life ; and what- ever does not accord with our views is treated with con- tempt, as sadly defective in point of order, or eti- quette. When I was married to Mr. M., not having much pre- vious acquaintance with his temper and disposition, I expected to receive the greatest marks of attention, kind- ness, and indulgence from him. But I soon found that, being his wife, I Avas bound by law to yield obedience to the requirements of my husband ; and when he enforced obedience, and showed marks of resentment if his wishes were not met, I was tempted with anger, and felt a spirit of resentment arise in my heart, and retaliating expres- sions come into my mind ; but I had sufficient self-pos- 106 MUS. MARY BRADLEVT. 107 con- eti- pre- )n, I Ikind- that, Ice to lorcecl kishcs spirit Ixprcs- llf-pos- Mg session to iciVain from speaking iu an unbecoming manner. I was terrified to find that such a temper and disposi- tion remained, for I tliought I had obtained a complete victory over myself; for I could not remember that I had felt anger but once since I experienced religion. It made me grieve, and filled mc with sorrow, to find such an evil heart within ; and I found a hard strurrglf^ to overcome it. The more I thought of it, the more obdurate my lieart appeared, and a disposition to blame my hus- band for it, because he offended mc. So after I had pondered over it, and ventured to speak to him upon the subject, thinking if he would make some little apology, it Avould case my mind, and I should get over it. But instead of the softening southerly shower, it was like the creaking vessel under the harsher breeze. So when I found I had no one to whom I could make known my complaint, my heart was bound up with a hard spirit ; and in that state of mind, I could not enjoy com- munion with my Maker. Then I thought all was not right in myself. I began to look to the Lord for relief ; for my expectation was from him alone. Then I was cheered with such blessed promises as these ; " All things shall work togetlier for good to those who love God." " The hairs of 3'our head are all numbered." I began to examine myself to ascertain what was the cause of the disordered state of my mind. I thought, surely God's word is truth ; and it says, not one of our hairs can fall to the ground without his notice. If I had not offended him, he would not suffer me to be grieved in this manner : and if all things are to work together for 108 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF my ,qoo(l, this must bo among those all tilings. I feel ignorant. I will pray earnestly that (.Jot! may show mo the sin of my nature, for surely there is a corrupt foun- tain Avithin ; otherwise, I should not feel anger were I ever so much iinjiosed upon. If I had not offended, I should ]i()t need the rod of correction ; so that instead of thinking hard of my husband, I must conclude it is the hand of God. I will humble myself before him, and will not be reconciled with myself, until I feel God is reconciled Avith me. Lord, I beseech thee, show me the fountain of corrupt na- ture, wliich lurks within mv heart. Thou hast said a bro- ken and contrite heart is a sacrifice well pleasing in ihy sight. I humbly pray thee, give mo a deeper sense of my sin, and true repentance for it. I submit to the rod, and own thy dealings kind and just. I cast myself at thy feet, dispose of me as seemeth thee good. I see that my greatest enemies are those of my own heart. It is my pride which causes me to feel resentment. It is the stub- bornness of my will and perverseness of my nature, which make me loth to l)ow to the government of mv husband : it is because I do not love him as I ought, Avhich makes every rough Avord like a mountain. Lord, I beseech thee, pardon mo ; root every sin out of my heart, and fill me Avith love to thee, and love to my husband. Teach mo mv duty to thee ar.d to mv husband, that I mav be a du- tiful and obedient Avifc. Give me streni2;th to resist the temptations of Satan, Avho gocth about as a roaring lion, seeking Avliom he may devour. Arm me against all his devices, and beat him down under my feet ; tliat I may possess the gate of my enemies. Blessed be thy holy name, for the manifestation of thy love, and for the promises applied to my mind ; for the brokenness of heart and com- JIKS. MARY BRADLEY. 109 tub- iicli \nd ; Lakes eecli fill ime dii- t the lion, 1 bis may ame, nises com- fort I feci. Elesscd be thy name that thou hast heard my prayer, and I now believe thou hast pardoned, and art rec- onciled unto me again. I thank thee for the sweet peace of mind I now enjoy. I see thou dost all things well, and that this rod of correction has been sanctified to my good. I feel it is good for me to be humble before thee ; and I pray that I may be more watchful over myself in future, and guard against temptations of every kind. 0, how smoothly eve y thing goes on when my mind is centered and fixed upon my blessed Jesus, Avho is the rock of my salvation. How delightful is the thought of death, Avhich is the gate of endless joy, when I shall behold the face of him who shed his blood for me, and praise his name for ever and ever, amen. I endeavored to benefit by the painful and pleasurable exercises of the past, and keep up a vigilant lookout against the enemy ; but being one day much engaged in my doraesti concerns, and being crossed in something, I was found off my guard ; and again Satan, who is ever ready to second any outward trial, and put the worst face upon every word and circumstance, gained an advantage over my weakness — captivated my mind — cast me down • — 1 was discomfited — my peace and happiness disturbed — temptation more fierce — resistance more difficult — fiery darts took more effect — and I fell a victim. I was tempt- ed not only to be angry with my husband, but also to hate him. I was afraid to look him in the face or to speak for fear I should betray the feeling of my mind, which I en- deavored to conceal from him and every one beside. I felt as though Satan knew every thought and feeling of my mind, and as if he whispered to me, " Now you may know your husband has no love to you, although he pretended 10* 110 LIFE AXD EXPERIENCE OF SO much ; for if he had he would not so frequently hurt your feelings by such harsh expressions, and never seems to care for it afterwards ; and at the same time accusing you of hating him. Nothing unites you together ; you had better part at once." Those suggestions roused up my mind. ! thought I, part indeed! What a reproach upon my religion, should this take place. No, not for any thing in this world. This is Satan — • a powerful tempta- tion from the devil ; he must have some strong hold in my heart. I will search and find the traitor out. I would think over my past experience, the cause of our union, and the means by which it was brought about, and I could see the hand of God the sani;3 as at the first. I was convinced there existed within me a fountain of cor- rupt nature, or I should not have such unhappy reflections and feelings. This text of Scripture would often occur to me, " Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well." In comparing Sarah's disposition with my own, and looking at the con- trast, I felt much condemned, and lamented over my self- exalted, unsubmissive nature. I felt the force of this pas- sage : " If ye live after the flesh, ye shall die ; but if ye through the spirit mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live ; for to be carnally minded is death, but to be spir- itually minded is fife and peace." I felt, if I forsake my sin and repent of it, God will pardon it, and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I feel sensible there is a fleshly, unsanctified nature abiding in my heart, which produces the carnal mind, which it not conquered, would bring forth death ; as long as this is allowed to remain, I shall sink deeper into sin, and Satan will gain a greater advan- tage over me, and I shall go farther astray from the strait iMRS. MARY BRADT.KY. Ill jmy me ices •ing lall. -an- -ait and narrow path, -svliicli leadcth unto lite. I cannot rest in this state. I am resolved to look to the Lord ; 1 know he is as able and willing to sanctify me wholly, as lie was to justify me freely, and that he will strengthen mo and give me the victory ; for he has promised strength accord- ing to our day. I will take encouragement, and strive to make use of what faith and strength God has given me ; for I am convinced not one jot or tittle of his word can fail. I believe praying laith will overcome the Wicked One. " Satan trembles when lie sees The weakest saint upon his knees.'' •>• CHAPTER XIII If I knew I should be saved in the hour of death, how could I rest under the power of sin and ISatan ? God for- bid I should. I am determined, therefore, to watch and pray more earnestly, and never rest until sin be rooted out of my heart, and I have obtained a complete victory over the world, the flesh, and the devil. Lord, I be- seech thee give me faith, though it be as a grain of mus- tard seed, that I may say to tliis mountain of sin, Be thou removed. I know thou art fully able to destroy and con- quer every thing in me that is contrary to thy blessed will. 0, come and set up thy kingdom in my heart, and dwell in me, that I may live to thy glory Avhile I am in this vale of tears. Glory be to thy holy name, thou hast said, " Draw nigh to me, and I will draw nigh to you ; " blessed be thy holy name, for this sweet invitation and promise. Help me, I pray thee, to hang upon thee by faith. May my sins be all blotted out of the book of thy remembrance. I feel a hatred to the very nature of sin. I loathe and abhor mvself as in dust and ashes, on the account of sin. 0, for the sake of Jesus Christ thy dear Son, pardon me, and set my soul at liberty. I plead the merits of his precious blood to be applied to my sovd for a I bless thy holy name for this heart-melt- healing balm. 112 MRS. AlAUy liUADLllY. llo llOW I foi- and Doted ctory I be- mus- thou con- ?ssed , and Im in hast u;" and by thy sin. the dear Id the I for a [melt- ing sorrow tor sin. Thou alone canst rrivc true repent- ance. I now cast myself at tliy feet, a Iminhle penitent jileading for pardon. 1 now make a full surrender of my- self to thee. 0, let the answer to my soid he, " (Jo in peace, and sin no more. Peace I iiWc unto you, my j)eace I leave with you." 0, how good thou art ! (Uory be to thy holy name. Jesus is my hiding jilace ; he is my Savior and my God. I feel my sins are ])ardoned, and I can again rejoice in thee, believing that thou art reenu- ciled unto me. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benehv'^. Thou hast heard and answered the inter- cessions of thine own Spirit. Glory to thy holy natne I I can now rejoice. I feel happy. God doth all things well. I am reconciled to all I am called to meet Avith, let it be ever so contrarv to mv nature. I see the neces- sity of walking by faith and obeying the coumiands of God. I will make it my business to search the Scrip- tures of the Old and New Testaments, that I may i'uUy ascertain ray diity, and that I may act from a priiici[)le of love to God, and obedience to liis heavenly counnands. I will be cautious not to complain against my husband. I will be kind to him, and strive to make amends both in word and deed for what I lack in affection. I will be par- ticular in asking his advice, and never do any thing, nor go any where, without his approbation. I will pi-ay con- tinually that I may be fully reconciled to my situation and companion in life, and that I may take up my cross and follow my blessed Savior in the way he would have me to go — then Satan will miss his aim. Here I have no continuing city, but I seek one to come, whose maker and builder is God. I hope to reach that heaveidy land, behold the King in his beauty, and praise hini for ever and ever. 114 LIl'K AND KXl'EiUCNCE UF k .*> My course, a.-i above tle,"^cril)C(l, coiitinuccl lor about tbrcoycarti; sometimes rejoicing iu the Lord, and at times laboring under discouragements, much cast down, but still supported. At length it pleased tlie Lord to answer my many petitions, which were fre(puMitly with a contrite, sin- cere heart. I saw mvself in a dilFerent lii^ht — had more extended views of the holy ^cri})turcs — comprehended more clearly the omniscience of God — the fountain of pride in my own heart — the streams of evil thoughts, 'words, and actions, beclouding my mind, hiding the sun of righteousness from my view, causing coldness, deadness of mind, prevailing unbelief — and the subtilty of Satan. I saw more clearly by the eye of faith, the loving kind" ness and tender mercies of the Lord towards me. Instead of worldly gratifications, calling me to pass through the furnace of alHiction — which was a trial of my faith and patience, and proved to me as refining fire and fuller's soap, so that I could kiss the rod and him "who had ap- pointed it — I was blessed with victory over those ene- mies by which I had been so frequently assaulted, my will vas subdued ; in my heart the spirit of love, meekness, and humility prevailed. I could so eye the dealings of God with me for my furtherance in grace, that I thought myself the happiest creature on earth. I possessed the disposition of Sarah — my heart was filled with the lo\t) of God, who was all and in all to me. My peace flowed like a river. I -was led to think I should see sorrow no more. I \Ya3 so led by the spirit, that every thing seemed to teach me a spiritual lesson. I saw great beauty in the language of the prophet, " Thy INIaker is thy husband ; the Lord of Hosts is his name." The fifth chapter of St. ,MR»!. MAKY URADLI'Y. 11.". Paul to the Ephesians, appeared dolightfiil to me ; and the third cliaptcr of the lir^t epistle of Peter. — the loN'O nvcd IV no nned 11 the md ; If St. Ephesians, Chop. T). — Du yo Uicrcfuro followers of God as gor-d cliihJrt.'n ; And walk in love, as Christ also liath loved us, and liatii jrivcn himself ibr ua an olll'rinir and a bacrilice to Ciod for a swoct-sniell- ing savour. But fornication, and all unclcanncss, or covctousncss, let it not be oiico mined lunon;^ you, as bccoinelh saints ; Neither ti'thiness, nor foolish talkinj,'', nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather j,Mvinjr of tluinks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the king- dom of Ciu'ist and of (Jod. Let no man deceive you with vain words ; for because of these things Cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometime darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light; (For the fruit of the S])irit is in all goodness, and righteousness, and truth ; ) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather rei)rove then). For it is a .thame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. But all things that are reproved, arc made manifest by the light ; for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith. Awake, thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as 'vise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess ; but be filled with the Spirit ; Speaking to yourselves in psalms, and hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, no I.IFK AND CXI'liRIEN'Cb; 01' Givinjr iliaiiks ahviiys for all tliiu^^s unto God and tho Futlior, in tlin niuiK-' of our Lord Jfsiis (Jliii.st ; Siil)iiuUiiii: yoiirsrlves one to another in llio fi-ar of (iod. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own JuDsbiinds, an unto the Lord. For the hushnnd is tlio Iioiid of tho wife, even as Christ is tho head of thr church : and lie is tho Saviour of the liody. 'J'hcn'fDro as tlio church is suhject luito (^'hrist, so let tho wives 1)0 to their dwu hushands in every thiii',''. lliishands, love your wives, rjven as Christ also loved the church, and fjavo himself for it ; Tliat he mijrht sanctify and cleanse it with the wasiiing of water by the word, That he iniyht present it to himself a glorious church, not havini^ spot or writdvle, or any such thin^r ; but that it should be holy and without bloMU-sh. So ou;>ht men to lov«} their wives, as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesli ; but nourisheth and cherishoth it. even as the Lord the church : For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be jomoil unto iiis Avifc, and tliey two shall he one llesh. This is a gro.it mystery : but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every of one of you in ])articuiar so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her hus- band. 1 Peter, Chap. 3. — Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands ; that, if any obey not the word, they also may with- out the word be won by the conversation of the wives ; While they beh: Id your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearinij of gold, or of putting on of apparel ; But let it bo the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornauient of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of Giod of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who Mfta. MARV liHADLKY. 11 the |ar. |iting not |ch is who inistcfl in God, adorned tlicmselvef, being in subjection unto their own hitsbiinds: Mvi'u M!* Sar lb obeyed Abrahfiin, cnlliiinr liim loid : whoso dniigh- ters yn are, us long as ye do well, iind are not alraid with uiiy nnmzoirieiit. Lilrewisn, ye hiisb.'inrls, dwell with tlmrn nccordin? toknowK-dijo, piviiii,' iiorior iiiilo the wilo, as unto the weaker vessel, niid ns being heird loirelher of the grace ol" life ; that your prayers be not bin. dered. Finally, bo ye all of one mind, bavinp; compassion one of Qnolhcr ; love as bn'threri, be pitiful, be courteous: Not renderinjT evil for evil, or railinfj for railinjr: but contrari- wi.-e, blcssinu'; kiiowin;,' that ye are thereunto culled, that ye should inherit n bh'.ssinnj. For he that will love life, und see good days, let him refrain hia tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile : Let him eschew evil, and do good : let him seek peace, and en- eue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the riirhteous, and his ears are opiMi unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. And who is he that will hnrni you, if ye be followers of that whieh is <^ood ? Hut and if ye sufTer for righteousness's sake, happy arc ye; and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled : Rut sanctify tlie Lord God in your hearts : and be ready always to i:ive an answer to every man that askcth you a reason of the lii;pe tint is in you, witii meekness and f;ar. [laving a good conscience; that, whereas th'^y speak evil of you, as of evil-doers, they may bo ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well- doinjT, than for evil-doing. For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, :l)al he might brinsx us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit: By which also he went and preached unto the spirits in prison ; Which sotnotimo were disobedient, when once the long-suffering U 118 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF J of God waited in the days of Noah, while tlie ark was a prepar- ing, wherein few, that is, eight souls, were saved by water. The like figure wiiereunto, even baptism, doth also now save us, (not the putting away of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God,) by the resurrection of Jesus Christ : Who is gone into heaven, and is on the right hand of God ; an- gels, and authoritiefi, and powers being made subject unto him. In the miclst of my worldly cares and anxieties, T never lost sight of my past experience ; not that I placed de- pendence upon it, so as to relax in Christian vigilance, but to encourage me in mv difficulties. Sometimes my mind was low, and trials and temptations would overwhelm me ; but now clouds and storms are driven away, and my strength is renewed like the eagle's, and my mind confirmed in the power and truth of religion. I felt remarkably happy. I desired to communicate of ^7 joy to others. I was led to open my mind Avith much freedom to my brothers and sisters ; more so than I had done before, which produced confidence in them, and wo enjoyed great happiness Avhile conversing together upon the things of God. The remarkable way in which I have been exercised on various occasions, has always appeared mysterious to me. I doubt not, however, but in due time the reason will be fully explained. One morning without being able to assign any natural cause, an unusual heaviness came over me, accompanied with these words : " My soul is exceeding sorrowful even unto death." My grief increased, a dark cloud seemed to overshadow me ; the burden became heavier, with the constant recurrence of the same words. To prevent an ex. posure of my feelings, I left the house and went into the field, and such was my agony I fell npon the ground — ¥ .MIL<. .MAKV UK AD LEY, 119 had ^YC upon lave eared t'mie the d — my strength left mo — I had not povcr to move hand or foot, or to speak a word for a considerable time. At length T was constrained to cry out in the use of the same words. I thought it pleased the Savior to give mc to taste of the cup of Gethsemane. I felt as if I sliould die, and cried, O Lord, thou hast died, and dost thou require that I should die also ? I prayed if consistent with his blessed will, to be spared a little longer. Notwithstanding the coldness of the weather, and the ground frozen, such were my feelings, that I was all in a profuse pers[)iration. My strength was restored ; I arose and returned to my house, with a settled, composed mind ; thankful that T v.as able to resume my little chariic, jMv heart was tenderly and sweetly drawn to my blessed Redeemer. I never felt more solemn in all my life. I was truly humble before God. I said nothing to my husband, nor to any one, about the matter ; but like Mary, pondered it iti ray heart. My soul was truly alive to God. I felt all things were possible to those who be- lieve. It appeared to mc the latter-day glory was just at hand, when the promises to the church would be fulfilled. IIow beautifully the prophecies of Isaiah, Jeremiah, and others opened to my mind. I could see many signs of their fulfilment, and enjoyed much delight iu meditating upon them. One morning I felt the Lord present and exceedingly precious to my soul, and through the day my mind was greatly exercised ; whatever I did taught me some useful lesson. When I began to kindle up the fire, putting the dead coals to the living ones, then adding the green wood, and blowing all up into one united body of fire, the Uving coals appeared an emblem of lively and zealous Christians ; 120 LIFE AND EXPEIIIENCE Of the (lead coal-;, tlioso who once were alive, but liad lost their fire of love ami holy zeal ; tlie (rreon wood, those who put d never come niuk-r relmions nillnencc ih a I 1 b em; had together, representing promiscuous assemblies : the influ- ence of tlie fire upon the wliole, the assiniihiting power of religious n)eans, reconciling great differences ; the blowing up of the fire showing the spirit's work upon the whole, as fj b dead souh ddi ins ri^o, And swell iind rciU'ii to li uveii, Tilercy is above tlio i^kie-; We all may be turgivoii." In preparing our food and while sitting at the table, I was reminded of the Savior, the great head of the church, who is over all the families of the earth, and wdiohas richlv provided the bread and water of life for all his hands have made. '' There is a river, the streams wlicreof shall m.ake i.dad ^ MKti. MAUY DKAJjLIiY, 121 ',1 (clilv [lave the city of God : the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High." While meditating upon the compound na- ture of mankind — flesh and spirit — and how wonderfully Providence had cared for the one, and grace and mercy engage^< for the other, I felt love to God kindle up in my heart. I went on with my domestic concerns with great pleasure, my understanding being greatly assisted by a comparison of temporal with spiritual things. In the evening, my husband being weary, laid himself down to rest and went to sleep. I thought of waking him to go for the cows ; but instead of doing so, I concluded to go for them myself. Accordingly I went, with no other company than the large dog. In going through the woods I followed the cattle track, my only guide, and when I got through I heard a cow-bell, which I took for our own, across the wild meadow at a great distance, and when I came to the meadow-side, I found it difficult to cross, being very soft and grown over with weeds, grass, and thickets of alder bushes. I thought of the wild creatures, and felt intimidated. They might spring out upon me. I thought again, if I had been directed to this as a duty, I ought not to be faint- hearted ; but be of good courage and persevere to the end ; having the same object in view as when I set out. If I had consulted my own feelings, I should have turned back; but I thought that turning back for fear of difficulties would not do. It occurred to me, " Remember Lot's wife," and '' They who have put their hands to the plough, and looked back, are not fit for the kingdom." I looked to the Lord for direction, and putting my trust in him, I went forward. All the time I was going through the wild meadow in pursuit of my earthly flock, I thought, 11* 122 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF if I only find them, I shall be c'om).i..t a I,a,,,,n,o.3 and rouanl, if at last they meet ho.r var,ou. flod<,,, and sit .lown together with theif Ue, ed Lord, ,n tlie kingdom of God. CHAPTER XIV ;* The serious people in our neighborhood thinking it ne- cessary to embody themselves into a church, met together for that purpose, and finally concluded to organize them- selves into a Baptist church. At length the set time came, and the people convened together, when Mr. C C. B,, who ■was the leading man, to whom the people looked for coun- sel, stepped out on the floor, and said, if any one felt free- dom to take him by the hand a? a brother, he should be glad if they would come forward. While he was standing and giving the invitation, I felt a union for the worship of God was desirable ; and thinking, perhaps this is the com- mencement of that happy church, of which I had a vision- ary view so long time ago, I stepped forward and joined Mr. B. The nexL who came forward were those with whom I could not feel a union, and I lost that happy frame of mind, and never afterwards regained the same feeling. A sufficient number of persons went forward to constitute a church ; but for want of an ordained minister, the ordi- dances were not administered until the summer following ; previous to which we removed to the parish of Portland, about two miles from the cit^ of Saint John, so that I never became a member of that body. Some time after, a preacher visited the above named newlv formed church. 124 iUite MKS. MARY BRADLKY. 125 ieling. ititute ordi- ving ; l-tland, never fter, a lurch. aivl for a time seemed to appro^-tate and unite ^vith the peo[)le ; hut at once he he^u;an to exclaim ag;iinst rehgioiis cxiierience, and mv hroll ler ueiu: led awav wi thl lis error, renounced his profession iA' ex[)erimental religion, and en- deavored to induce me to do the same. I said to him, if you have been deluded, I am sure 1 have not. In order to be confirme(l in my mind to hold fast my integrity, I Avas led to examine myself; survey my past experience, trace my footsteps and designs in evm-y thing. Though I discovered much imperfection in myscdf, I was confident ray chief motive liad been to do the will of God, from the time he had first revealed himself to me ; therefore I did not feel condemnation before him. I knew if I had been deceived in any way, it had I'dii through ignorance, and not by wilfully departing from the path of duty. My brother's conduct had occasioned a degree of confu- sion in my mind, and painful feelings on his account, and close reasoning wiih myself. I came to this conclusion : I wish to be a true Christian; it is v»hat I have sougiit after, and whatever discouragements I may meet with, I am de- termined to fight my way throng; i. I carefullv read over what I h:id written of the exercises V of my mind, and when I came to date 1788, recorded on the oOt' page, my first experience of pardoning mercy, I was enabled to hold it fast, and Batan could not rob me of it. The first cori'cct view I had of myself, I was in a state of ignorance, darkness, and despair. I had no knowledge of the mercy and love of God, or of Jesus Christ as a Sa- vior and Redeemer. When I was first awakened to a sense of my wretched sLate by nature, I felt myself entirely unable to help my- 120 Lll'E ANI» tXl'KUlKNCi: OF 1.1: self, either to cancel my guilt or remove the Divine dis- pleasure clue to it ; and ^vhen I first heard the inviting voice of the gospel to turn to the Lord and live, I found Satan to oppose me in every effort I made to ohcy that voice ; until then it appeared as if he was perfectly qules^ cent. AVlien I first bc;^an to listen attentively to the word of God, a degree of faith and divine light were imparted, so that I then believed him both able and willing to save ; and if T sought him with my whole heart, I should surely find him, according to his promise. I felt encouraged, and strove with all the faculties of my mind, wrestling and strivhig against the world, the flesh, and the devil, until I was enabled by grace to obtain a complete victory over them. When I was made sensible of the sinfidness and odious na- ture of sin in the sight of God, with what heart-i'cndings did I bow before him, with penitential sorrow, like the publican pleading for mercy. I hungered and thirsted after righte- ousness, determined never to cease praying until I felt an application of it to my soul. Glory be to his holy name, he who led me to seek lent a listening ear to my cry, and took me out of the horrible pit and miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock, established my goings anu put a new song into my lips, even thanksgiving and praise unto him, ■who had redeemed me, and washed me in his most pre- cious blood. I w'as enabled by his grace to enter into a solemn covenant with him, never to be forgotten ; promis- ing to be his, to deny myself and live obediently to his holy gospel. My mind was placed upon heavenly things, with a blooming hope and unshaken confidence, that where my Savior is I shall be, when called from this vale of tears. Since the attainment of salvation by grace I have MRS. MAKY BRADLEY \2\ lungs, ^vhere lie of liavo often been powerfully assailed by Satan in various ways ; so that I have seen the absolu necessity of closely walk- ing with God, and looking up to him to be preserved from the delusions of sin and Satan's power. The strong and satisfactory proof that I was not delud- ed or deceived, as my brother stated, appeared plainly to mvself ; for I had deserted the service of Satan, and had been for years constantly fighting against him and had en- listed under the banner of the Lord Jesus, to whom I had fled for refuge, and found his yoke easy and his burden light ; and the ways of religion to be ways of pleasantness, and her paths peace. I have carefully marked down some of the temptations I met with the first seventeen months of my pilgrimage. In reviewing that part of my journal, I feel a firm convic- tion that I was taught of God. I felt aAvitnessin mvsoul that I had been enabled by his grace, to build my hopes of heaven upon the rock Christ Jesus, a sure foundation ; for which I felt thankful. On examining the past exercises of my mind, according to the date above named ; when I was led in a different way from what I had ever been before, and treated them as temptations, and strove against them ; but when, by the force of truth, my mind was overpowered, I was obliged to yield — I began to view them as the power of God, and strove no more against them, considering myself in the hands of God, who had a sovereign right to do as he pleased, and I became fully convinced it was the Spirit of God preparing mo for those things through which I have subsequently passed. When I was impelled to go forward to take up any cross, though ever so much against my will, if it accorded 128 LTFH AND EXPEllIEXCE OF ■'i 1 4' i ^vith the Scriptures, I felt encouraged to it by tlie prom- ises, and urged on by a burning zeal to do his will. For the space of ten years, I could not have separated things, and distinguished between righteousness and sin, truth and error, had I not been taught by the Holy Bible ; but by the many -witnesses and conhrniations of the Word of God hy the mouth of his prophets, my mind was raised to an expectation of some great events as being just at hand — the downfall of Satan's kingdom, and the ad- vancement of the kingdom of Christ. My mind -was so deej)ly engaged, and I had such a spirit of prayer given me for the fulfilment of those events foretold, that I ilattered mvsciF I should see the glorious millenium before I departed this life ; but it occurred to me, that probably there would be great overturns in the Avorld, of a different nature, before that event — perhaps wars, and distress of nations, in order to bring down the pride and haughtiness of man. Perhaps thousands, and tens of thousands '-ut oiT from the earth by pestilence, and famine, such as would not bow to the sceptre of Jesus. "Witli what tenderness of heart, and sympathy, did I meditate upon those tilings. In whatever my hands were engaged, those were my meditations, and to dwell upon them was mv chief deli::ht. But alas! bcinii! charj^ed with de- lusion, my hopes are all fallacious ; zeal for God, a false flattery : fire of love, sparks of my own kindling, and must be repented of. How shall I then reconcile those solemn Scriptural exercises, and the comfort of my mind by the application of the Word of God ? There is a way and a highway, and tlic redeemed of the Lord shall walk there. God is just and holy, and all his promises are sure ; his word is truth. Heaven and earth shall pass MKS. MA! T^RADL^ 19 those I mind ■way walk are pass away; but nr.t one jot or tittle of divine tnit will fai 'o the ground. If on any occasion we step asi !■ "vn the ./li- chanted ground, where Satan, like a roaring lion, stands readv to devour ; and if i<];norant of his devices, he inav speak with a voice to counterfeit reli,i?ion ; and if listened to, though ever so sweet at the time, we shall fuid it hit- terncss in the end ; and if this should he the ciise, we cannot charge it upon our Maker, hut upon ourselves, for want of greater watchfulness, a closer walk with Cod, and a firmer de]iendence upon our Redeemer's merits. I have endeavored to act Avith a sincere desire to do the will of (jod, nor can I accuse myself of false zeal, deceit, unwatclifulness, or want of confidence in mv Savior's merits ; therefore conscience does not accuse me. I thought, could it be possible that I could be deceived, when the Scriptures Avcre mv delight, and I was dailv 1 %/ CD ■^ %/ searching them, and endeavoring to take them for my guide ? and I could appeal to conscience, and the Searcher of hearts that it had been mv chief studv to kno-.v and do his Avill. But alas ! how shortdived -sveie the comforts I could derive from conscience, unless the Spirit of God testified that he was reconciled unto me. 1 knew my own heart was deceitful, and that I had a subtle adver- sary to op})Ose, and that I Avas liable to wander; but my great dependence had been the ariplication of God's Word to my soul, Avhich I had always taken as a pledge from him of joy to come. I had not been aware that Satan could counterfeit his voice to mv soul, to deceive me ; but when I read the account of our Savior's fasting and temp- tation in the Avilderuess, I was more reconciled to the pos- sibility of it. 12 ■ / 180 LIFK AND KXPlCKlENCli 01' Luke, Chap. 4. — And Josus beinj full of the Holy Ghost, ro- turiiod from Jordan, Jiiid wn.s led by the Spirit into tlio wihicrness, Hi'in:^ f )rty days lemptfd of the devil. And in tl)O30 dnys ho did «.';it nothing: and whun thoy were ended, he allerward hun- glared. And the devil said unto him, If thou bo the Son of God, com- niand tliis Hfone that it bo made broad. And .ft'siid answored him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, bnt by every word of (iod. And the dovi!, taking him nj) into an higli mountain, shewed unto him all tho kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto nie, and to whomso- ever I will, I give it. If tliuu therefore wilt worship me, all shall be thine. And Jesus answered and said unto him, (iet thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy Ciod, and him only shalt thou serve. And he brought him to Jerusalem, and set him on a pinnacle of the temple, and said unto him, If thou bo the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence. For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. And Jesus answering, said unto him. It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. And when the devil had ended all the temptation, he departed from him for a season. While reading the above, I thought, here is a lesson for me ; surely, if Satan was permitted in this waj to tempt the Savior, no wonder that I should be tempted. I sa\v clearly, that as Jesus, who knew no sin, was tempted, sin did not consist in being tempted, but in yielding to the temptation. St. Paul's words frequently occurred to my mind, " 1 Mttb. Al.MiV JJUAUM'A'. l'6\ ro- lon for tempt |l saw d, sin [o the L "I thpret'ore obtuindl mercv, bccfiiBo I did it iu:norantlv ; " which iMJcouraged my liopo, and s'lpportcd my mind, jiar- ticuhirly whL'n cast down by a hcmisc of my own unwor- ihincsa and i.uuK'rous omissiuns. Nciilit'i' my ton;5iie or pen can ever deacrilLE\. 137 lught, , the lined, ton of odilv Ire, I to its con- las to [those amu- (re, 1 gained strenp:ch, and got a great viotorv over those dls- trossing nervous feelings. It uiLrdcd me great encouragement to discover th;it mv nervousness and Satan were eomhined enemies against niv suul ; and instead of God hedging uj) mv -wav, and liurling his threatened judgments, it Avas a stratagem of the enemy to discoin-age, overlhrow, and drive me into despair of providential mercies, which was nearly allied to desnairlmr of mv soul's salvation. 1 found I had a groat eueuiy In my house — mv own evil heart, the oorruiitions of my nature — which took in the love of the world. I saw the necessity of being wholly given np to God, in humble submission to his holv and blessed will, to have his luve mote shed abroad in mv heart; and I felt en- couraged to believe I should obtain it. After mv husband had diseharL^ed his workmen from liav-makin'i, 1 felt truly thankful, tliinkinir 1 should have more time for meditation and prayer ; in the latter of which I immediately eni^aized with conlidenee, trusting lie would meet with me and bless me. i\ly heart was broken before him, a precious promise was appalled, and tears of gratitude flowed from mv eves; which caused me to rejoice in his tender mercv. Mr tears were before from grief, thinking I had oil'ended the iiOrd, and he had withdrawn, and 1 knew not where to fnul him ; but now I !~hed tears of gratitude, because 1 hail receive u some tokens of his favor, lii/pe sprung up in my soul, and such rays of light as discovered to me the fountain of sin and corruption which remained in my heart. I searched the Scriptures, and prayed for divine assist- ance to ascertain the Christian's pniviloge. I fjund it 138 IJI-'L; and liXPliUIK.SM^E OJ' wi'ittcn, " that mv people lunl hearkened unto me ! I those i %. soon sliouM have subdued their enemies." From ■words, I was eonvinced it was ])0S9ib!e tor God's people, by the aid of his Holy Spirit, to conquer all their spiritual enemies, and that they should be as ashes under the soles of their feet. Having obtained that faith, I was deter- mined to prove the truth of it, by exerting myself in the strength of the Lord, to watch against the evil spirit, and to resist him. I made a business of searching the commands of God, for he has said, " If ye love me, keep my command- ments," and " Love not the worhl, nor the things of the world, for Avhosoever loveth the world, the love of the Father is not in him." When comparing these words with my past anxieties about my vrorldly concerns, I saw clearly I had too much love to this world, otherwise I should not have been so much afraid of losing it ; and if my own will was in subje':;tion to the will of God, and I had such a measure of grace as 1 ought, I could have put my whole trust in the Lord, and should not have been so much overcom.e by the temptations of Satan. " l]e careful for nothing ; but in every thing by prayer and supplication, with thatd;t- eth out all fear. AVhile reading, praying, and medita- ting, I felt such a thirsting for holiness of heart, that I could say, " As the hart panteth for the water broi)ks, so mv soul panteth for the living God." I Ionise. i to have his lovely image enstamped upon my heart, and was fully determined never to rest until I had obtained it. While I was breathing out mv soul to (Jod in earnest prayer, I felt many precious promises applied to encour- age me that the Lord heard, and would answer my prayer. " Though the vision tarry, wait for it ; for in the end it shall speak, and shall not tarry." "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you." " In tjie Avorld ye shall have tribulation, but in me ye shall have peace ; be of jiood cheer, I have overcome the world." I tho\in;ht much of these -words, '• that my people had hearkened imto me ! " I thouixht this hearkenin;jr was not of the ear only, but the soul hearkening to the still, small voice of the Spirit speaking to our hearts, applying the promi- ses, and we acting faith upon them, and receiving them as from the Lord ; and in doing so, we should come oft" more than conquerors through him who hath loved us. For this faith I prayed earnestly — I wrestled for it until the break of day ; so that when I was assaulted with Sa- tan's fiery darts, which was often the case, for he still strove to keep the highest ground in my heart, I would not stop to reason with him, but would immediately look up to God for strength, and exclaim. The Lord rebuke thee. Satan. 140 MFR \XD cxfEarnxcK m- Sora3ti:ne=?, whon upon mv knees in secret, Sntan would sua:a:est thin'.'s to mo in sucli a wav tliat T would almost lost; the sons'3 of wluit I was sannir; then beino; sensible of the subtility of the alversarv, I would "wnit in silence before the Lord, and aj^peal to him who i-eads tlin heart, and knows what we stand in need of before we ask him ; and in that ^vay I would pray for Satan's downfall. I would pray that his kin^'dom nii;iht fall as lightnini^ to the iz round — that the time miii;1it soon come when he should be confined to his own place, when he should de- ceive the nations no more — and thnt the kiniidom of Christ should be advanced in the Avorhl, his name f^lori- fied, and all the nations of the earth bowed to his ri;.^ht- eous sceptre. In this way I have boon enabled to overcome tempta- tions. When I have been under any particular worldly trials, Satan had his particular temptations to a<2;f];ravato and add to my afflictions. In the mornin^u;, as soon as I awoke, he was sure to pierce rie with his fiery darts, which o-rieved and distressed me. At length I was deter- mined, if possible, to conquer. As soon as temptations assailed me. I would rise and wrestle Avitli Cod in prayer, until I would find my mind quite relieved. X went on in this way until I found a great and happj' change ; for Avhen I awoke, instead of evil presentations, I would feel the Spirit of God a})plying some sweet pas- sage of Scripture to my mind ; thus raising me from my slumbers to the delightful exercises of praise and i)rayer, in Avhich I found the Lord to be present and precious to mv soul. I found these means sireatlv baffled mv old enemy, and proved to me a great blessing, by quicken- MRS. MARY BUADLKY. 141 Itions, las- I aver, ms to old els en- ing, strengtlioning, enlivening, and increasing my zeal in the cause of (lod. I contracted a habit of awaking and rising nearly at the hour of five in th.c: morning, both summer and winter. J\Iv ^ 'ace of private devotions was an under-ground dairy room ; which in the Avinter was used fn* a cellar for veg- etables ; protected from the frost I,. ' • out-house over it, with a door to go down stairs — and this was my ])lace of devotion in winter. Many times 1 have been awoke with these words : Mary, arise ; the ^^aster is come, and call- eth for thee. I would immediately obey ; and let the weather be what it might, without any light, I would open the door and go down ; and when the door was shut down after me, all timidity and fear was dispelled, and my soul would be so happy, and enjoyed so much of the presence of God, that I sometimes f'-'lt as if the place was full of happy sjiirits -who met with me. I would pravand sinu; hvmnsof ])raiseto mv Redeemer. I was frequently greatly led out in ardent pravcr fur the enlargement of Christ's kingdom in the salvation of the souls of mankind. I have often spent two hours at a time in the Avinter, in such exercises, and in the use of such lan;2;uaiie as irveatlv astonished me, and felt, that I had, power to warn my fellow mortals, with the same liberty, jf their dauL'er of the wrath to come. "With my heart fud of love and truly alive to God, I returned from this Bethel to resume my do- mestic duties with great delight. I never confined myself through the day to any set times of retirement for devotion, but wdiile busily engaged poured out my soul to God. and lifted up my heart in ejaculatory 142 LIFE AM) EXPERIENCE OF prayer, in which the more I delighted, my thirst for it was more increased. pleased fill soul with The Lord was graciousl; peace, througli a sense of his parcionnig love, wnich num- bled me as in the dust hefo'-e him, 'ivhile with confidence I could claim him as my recoiiciled Fathci, and Jesus Christ my Savior and lledeomcr. I had never told to any one the exercises of my mind, from the time my brother said I was deluded, thinking ^vhat he said was true. I could never read a chapter in Isaiah from that time, but if I oper.ed upon it I would close up the book, because I was cut tc the heart with grief and sorrow, shame and confusion, to think of the loss I had sustained. I thought I had built upon a good foundation ; but my works were like hay and stubble, and when they should be tried, would be burned up ; but my soul would be saved through the merits of Jesus Christ, " Which was the sure foundation stone, That I had built my hopes upon." Before I received a fresh manifestation of pardoning love, I was enabled to call in my thoughts from the past, and in a great measure to forget those things which were behind, and press toward the mark for the prize of my high calling, and run with patience the race set before me, looking unto Jesus, tlie author and finisher of my faith. But ! what cause I had to praise and adorethe name of the Lord, for supporting me through so many temptations and trials, and filling my heart with such consolations as I then enjoyed. MRS. MAKY HUADLRY. hV^ I tound the TiOrd had greater blessings laid up in store past, Ave re l)f my |*e me, [faith, lime of Ltions Is as I for me. Lat( the aftei broth in to see of 'noon my urotiier came Avliicli I was glad ; but I dotenniiied to be guarded in my conversation \\'n\\ him, fearing lest he should be in the same delusion he thought himself and I were, when we last conversed together. He api)eared verysolenm. I thought it right to ask him to pi'ay, but I felt no benefit from his prayer ; it was to mo only in word. After he retired, I found a hvmn book which he had brought with him ; then it occurred to me he had set out to preach, and I felt much opposed to it, and was deter- mined to attack him and use all my influence to turn him back. In the morning, I asked him where he was going ; ho replied wherever the Lord pleased to send him. I said, vou have set out to preach, and vou ou^ht to be verv care- ful you are not deceived. lie said, if he were he should be very glad to be convinced of it. I said, Satan was a subtle adversary, and had great power to impose upon the mind, and we might be led far astrav bv his devices ; and added, you must pray earnestly to the Lord to direct you. lie said he had been praying to be delivered fi'om the im- ])ression, and he could only find peace of mind in submis- sion to the command of Christ. His words were weighty, and I gave it up, saying in my heart the will of the Lord be done. After this conversation I felt entirely relieved — again asked him to pray, which he did to edification — was hap- py under his prayer — the bar in my mind was quite re- moved — felt a union of spirit. After Itreakfast ho, took his leave of us and departed. 144 Ullu ASU EXl'liUIENCK UI I took up tho Bible, au'l oiicnin,G; in Isauili, I found a great clian;:;o in my vicN^'s aipl fV'cliiiiis. I felt as though a veil was taken from my mind, wiiich prevented me from reading it before as 1 ought to have read it. 1 was greatly a.stoni.slieil, and wondered what could have been tho cause of it. "While I was musing, my understanding was enlight- ened. 1 took a view of my past experience, over which 1 had been mourninii, and found the same change in that also. I realized my great mistake, and was happy to find I had not been deluded nor deceived, in that of which I had been accused, and imagined througli unbelief. 1 saw this had been my great sin ; which, when I gave up my confidence, took possession of my heart. I saw 1 had erred greatly in not going to the throne of grace, spread- ing my case before the Lord, and asking counsel of him ; insteu'i of which I gave way to reasoning, and looking into myself, until I lost my confidence. Then fear and unbe- lief prevailed, which procured coldness of affection. Thus, 1. loit my shield and fell a prey to my enemies, and had no power to conquer them for a great length of time. Thus being enabled again to discern between truth and error, tlie temptations of Satan and the work of the Holy ISjurit, my confidence was restored, and faith being in lively exer- cise my strength was renewed like the eagle's, and my heart was filled witli love and gratitude to my heavenly Father for his supporting grace. I cannot express the happiness and peace of mind 1 en- joyed. I could review my past experience with great con- solation. I saw truth more clearly, and my evidence of the enjoyment of it was brighter than at the first. I felt all my past afflictions were sanctified to my good. I was enabled to look to Jesus Christ bv faith, and feel r. 1" MUS. .MARY nUADLKY. 14. the application of h blood to the cl( f iiube- hus, had Tims rror, )iiit, cxer- icart atlier causing ray sv.il. Tims I had a^^ain rest from all my spiritual enemies round about. I thou;^ht surely the time is now ni;.^h at hand when the Lord will i)Our out Iiis Spirit upon the ii habitants of the earth, and cause a great reformation to take place ; then sinners will be converted \uUo him, and his name be greatly glorified. For this I lunged and prayed contin- ually. About this time the Rev. J. M. visited and preached in St. John. I went to hear him preach, which was the first time I ever saw him, though he had been previously la- boring in this country. The text was Genesis, 7:1: *' And the Lord said unto Noali, come thou and all thy house into the ark ; for thee have I seen righteous before me in this generation." I was greatly comfort- ed under his sermon, and felt a witness that my soul was set at liberty. I felt no condemnation. I rejoiced in God my Savior, and my cup was running over. I greatly desired an interview with Mr. M. 13 •I* 1 cn- con- Ice of ll felt ll. I feel CHAPTER Xyl. h: I BEGAN to feel the disadvantage of living an isolated life of seclusion from the church and people of God. I felt a desire to be become more acquainted with the rulers and privileges of the Wesleyan Society — the class-meet- ings — the love-feasts — sacraments — watch-nights, and meetings for renewing the covenant Avith God. I thought of joining the body ; and only wanted a real- izing sense of my duty to God, with whose goodness towards mc, I was deeply impressed ; and my heart over- flowed with love to him in such a manner, that I knew not how to restrain myself from talking of it to others, who were folio vrers of the Lord. I knev,- it would be difficult for me to obtain the privi- lege : therefore I kept it to myself, until my mind was so distressed, I could endure it no longer. I asked mv hus- band to let me go from home, and stay a few days ; but I could not explain to him the state of my mind, and the cause of my request, lie did not consent, and I said no more to him that day ; but my heart was uplifted to God in prayer, pleading with him to bow my husband's will, that he miiiht let me go. U6 MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 147 krivi- Ls so Ihus- lilt I the 11 no rod kill, Next morning, I asked him again, but got no satisfac- tion : therefore I concluded to commit my case to the Lord, believing if the impression was from him, he would open a way for me. I received many encouraging prom- ises, but still my heart was like a bottle without vent. My appetite,/ sleep, and health, became affected from the anxious exercises of mind. One night, I heard, (all being still,) three loud knocks, as if in the adjoining room. I concluded it was a warning for me ; perhaps in three days I should be relieved from my restrictions ; perhaps some accident might befall my husband — for he drove a high spirited horse, and many times told me how narrowly he had escaped from danger ivhen driving down steep places, which caused me great uneasiness, particularly when he stayed from home longer than I expected. Then I considered that a watchful Provi- dence had control over all persons and things, and that the hairs of our head were all numbered, and not one of rhem can fall to the ground without our heavenly Father's notice. Thus, from the deductions of: right reasoning, the preva- lency of prayer, the confidence of hope, and the assurance of faith, I was enabled to trust in the Lord, and give up my all to him. The third morning, I fc'lt unwell, and could not take breakfast ; my husband urged me to do so, but of no avail ; he looked upon me with pity, as if he knew the state of my mind ; and said, you may go in town to day, and stay as long as you please. I said, '• Are you in earnest, may I go?" He said, " Yes, and I am going with the horse, and you can ride with me." I thanked him ; but with what delisht did I sec in it the hand of God ! and how did 148 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF my heart glow with gratitude to him ! I felt like a bird released from its cage. I felt grateful to my Maker, for having instructed me to exercise faith and patience, until he saw fit, by his kind Providence, to open a way for an interview with his people. Toward the middle of the day we set out. I felt a deep sense of the divine goodness, and such an exercise of faith in him, that I was enabled to make a full surrender of my- self, and all that appertained to me, unto him. I felt if it were the will of God, I should never return to my house and husband again, I could cheerfully give them up ; the world appeared as nothing to me ; I felt my will and affections all swallowed up in God. When we parted, my husband cheerfully said, " You may stay, until I call for you : " therefore, I had no em- barrassment of mind on his account. I first went to a female member of the society of vhi. u I had some knowledge, and told her I wished to see i>' ■ M., and have conversation with him. She readily offei... to go with me, saying, she was somewhat acquainted with him ; and added, he was rather a rough-spoken maii, and those who do not know his disposition, are apt to be oifended with him ; however, regardless of fear, we went to his boarding house, and when I saw him, I said I had desired to inform him how much good I had enjoyed under his sermon on Sunday morning, naming the text; and that ray heart was full of love, and I was almost as happy as I could be to live. He looked very sharply at me and said " You are deluded, and must pray against it." His coun- tenance was dark, and his natural look rather cross. Being thus unexpectedly rebuked, I knew not for a mo- ment what to answer : but looking up for pivine assistance. r, this Iw; it W£ I happ MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 149 be rent lad ider and 'A I felt mj mind strengthened, and replied : " If I am delud- ed, it must be the effect of your preaching ; " then looking sternly at nie, he repeated, '• You are under a delusion, and you must pray against it." With no otlier encouragement, I took my leave of him. jNIrs. 0., my kind conductress, had recommended to me some of the most devoted members of the society, l\Ir. and Mrs. ]M., Mrs. W., Mrs. K., and others, on whom I called ; and conversing with whom, I took great comfort. They showed me great kindness, took me to all the meetings, and made me welcome during the time I was with them, wliich was several daj^s. One day, being at a friend's house, the preacher came in to dine, and when he saw me he exclaimed, " Bless me ! are you here yet ; what will your husband say ? " I re- plied, •' My husband gave me leave to stay as long as I pleased, or until he should call for me." Then he said, *' I suppose you teased him, until he was vexed, and then he said to you, go." I perceived he erred in his judgment, and as a son of consolation, was wanting in a consohng spirit ; but I felt the Lord was precious, and present with me, and I had no cause to fear what man could do unto me. I said to him, " Since you think me so deluded, I suppose you are not dis|)oscd to receive me into your society ? " He replied, '• .No, I will not." 'Uien I thought, surely the hand of the Lord is in all this ; and though Providence seemed to hedge up my way, I was content, thinking the Lord knew what was best, and it was for wise ends I was placed in such a position. I was not in the least cast down ; but was exceedingly happy, my affections were so placed upon things alcove. 160 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF that the things of this world had no place in my heart. All my dt'ii^^ht was to talk of the thin.i^s of God, and to enjoy the means of grace, and his promises -were continu- ally flowing through my soul with sucli delight, that when I was asleep my^ heart seemed to be awake. I could say with the spouse in Solomon's Song, chap. 5:2; I sleep, but my heart waketh : it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me,my sister, my love, my dove, my undeftled : for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night. Chap. 2,: o : — "As the apple-tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to mv taste. lie brought me to the ban- quoting house, and his banner over me was love. His left hand is under mv head, and his ridit hand doth em- brace me. Tiie voice of my beloved ! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. ]My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies." My soul, truly alive to God, longed to see a revival of religion in others. I thought if I had been a man, nothing could hinder me from going abroad to proclaim salvation to a dying world. O, how I longed to declare what God had done for my soul, and to invite sinners to flee from the wrath to come, and lay hold on eternal life. I thought I could willingly leave all, and go to the ends of tlie earth, if it might secure the salvation of one soul. I thought neither the world nor the things of it, could ever have any more place in my mind ; but one evening, while I was at Mr. M.'s, he asked me some worldly questions, which I answered. Finally, we entered into a lengthy MBS. MAIU' IIRADLEY. discourse about the things of iU ^^^ f.'^'-" lost that hiS; , ; r"' ^'■'^^ "'>-•'. I -J^Kd while conversinT; "'^' ^'="« »? n,i„d J , J «-" "'if'- those kind Christ '. T "'^ ^""^^^^ o'" reii ^I'l^^'-cc! too limited, " ^""'^'' «"■ 'vl.ich our fj, -I had taken im ' ^^' "^'^^n'r been «!n i "^Wafengthenandgrve^e he^'-T '"''"^^"^ ">-' he I determined to turn » .1"/ '°"""->'- £\-^ .-onings;:;^;!!'''^ '""-^'^ -™- i^io knew my heart, and „!,„ ?^-^, ,"'^'^" «Pon the Urd "'"1 «l,03e word of tri , • '^' '"<' P'-'^^^^ed me P-ises to eomrort JTd 1; rrt"2 T *-^"'' -^ "^ h ^ «nd to conscience, tha Id "V "'"'' ^PPO"' to '""-V )"m, and m^ fi.ed reso uS n "^ """^ '^''^'''^ to After poring over ,nv „ ",''°" '« ^«"e him. "P '0 the Wifor th 1- rncTTK""""^' -^ '-ki„. --"> e that I had no ot ^rr I?/ '; '"'^ ^pirit, bein^ nth sen "A ills Jove • so T -'"luit me -vvi «^^f";'^ of the enemv- Id' >""'" /'""^^^"•l f™". with f^eemer GoJ, through the merits 2""' '"""' <'°'""">n th ""^rits and atonement of a e lion aiy Re. ib'2 LIFE AND EXPDRIKNCE OF " How sweet the name of Jesus bounds, In ii believer's eiii's ; (^ soothes his soitows, heals his woxinds, And wipes away his fears. Wis Spirit msikes the wounded whole, And calms his troubled breast: ' 1" is nmnnato the liuiigry soul, And to the weiiry rest." My mind was graciously exercised; the Scriptures would bo opened and applied to my soul with great force ; certain texts would open to my understanding, then others, corresponding with and proving the same subject ; various events in Divine Providence, and occurrences in lite, would appear like a book open before me, and at the same time as though an interpreter was explaining everj'' thing to my mind. The powerful exercises of feeling for my own soul, in- variably led to an ardent desire for the prosperity of re- ligion in the church, and the conversion of sinners in the world. It is impossible for me to describe Avith what con- cern I viewed the awful state of sinners, rushing upon the Almighty's buckler, hasting to eternal death, and the desire I felt to warn them of their danger. In reviewing the truth of the Holy Scriptures, in how many instances the promises had been fulfilled — tlu^ many answers to prayer — the trials of my faith, never yet disappointed — the power engaged to confer all future good ; these were as clouds of witnesses, that nothing was too hard for the Lord. I felt encouraged to venture mv all upon the truth of his word, and though the vision should tarry, to wait for it, for in the end it would surely be ful- filled. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 153 how ["uturo I2; was its [0 my hiouUl ful- I My mind was constantly studying upon those deep and aolemn trutlis, or else broathinre and more esta' '■-^•-hI in mv mind. I had only been c: rred from this foi some time, from a fear of my own inability, or that it did not spring from a right motive ; that thereby I should dishonor God. I had many times Avritten short pieces and prayers, intending to resume it in future. One night I dreamed I was going to write a piece on religion, and laid the i)ayer down, and took the pen in my hand, dipped it into the u\k, and put my hand upon the paper to write ; and Satan was so angry at me for writing, that he entered into my hand and held my fingers so fast that I could not move thom. I took the Bible in my left hand, and laid it on my rv^ht hand, think- ing that Satan had such a hatred to the Kible, that he Avould soon have to make his escape. His rage was so great against me, not able to endure, he let loose my fin- gers, and my pen flew out of my hand with such force that it bounded against the wall across the room. I then thought he got upon the hack of my neck, and lay with such force that I could scarcely move. I thoiight, Satan cannot stand faith and the Bible. I was sure I should conquer him with it. I then with difificulty got the Bible on my neck, from which Satan took his flight, and 1 felt liim no more. This was only a dream ; but it was always 14 154 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF a comfort and encouragement to mo aftorwartls when I thoii;^ht of w.itin;^ ; because whatever is ^^leasin"^ to God, is displcasin;^ to Satan. I liad been many times encoura^^ed to write ; and inca- pable as I was, it proved a delightful employment ; and the })resent movement thereto seemed to be a ease of necessity ; therefore, in humble dependence upon divmo aid, I commenced, and continued to learn ten verses every day, and wrote until I filled up tbrty-three pages. I found by confining myself so closely to learning the Scripture by heart, 1 lost, in a great measure, the spirit- uality of it — being so resolute to accomplish just such a task, and many times difficult to perform. I grew weary by the constant labor of the mind ; therefore I concluded to relinquish it for a while, until my mind got relreshed and strengthened. Although I found ic necessary to lay aside my pen, I intended to take it up again, and continue until I had nar- rated the whole of my experience and course through life. 0! how thankful I felt to him who had preserved me, and influenced «ie to do that which so greatly unburdened and comforteti mj' mind ; but I Avas not satisfied with my- self for liaving lost ground in my spirituality, life, and power of religion. I concluded to set out afresh, to watch and pray, and to give up my heart, and all my care to the Lord, and plead the atonement of my Savior, for I felt I had no worthiness of my own to plead, and Jacob-like to wrestle for the bless- ing. I came to him as at the first, pleading his mercy, invitations, promises, and the worthiness of Jesus Christ, who shed his precious blood for me, and all his hands had made ; and glory be to my heavenly Father, he did not MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 155 I turn a deaf car to my prayer, for I soon felt my heart melted down before him, and his precious promises apjtlied ^vith comfort to my so\d. 0, what a deep sense I then felt, of the goodness of God, a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. If at any time I did not enjoy the divine ])resence, I could not rest until I obtained the warming influence of his love shed abroad in my heart, tlicn I could go about my domestic concerns witli joy. My mind was constantly and delightfully emjloyed, eitlicrin praying, siiiging praise to God, or repeating his Wortl. 0, how happily did my miiuitcs pn=:s away, witli rhn?;t in my soul, and by an eve of faith heaven in view. I en- joyed a little heaven upon earth, which was an earnest of my heavenly inheritance above. "Sweet the mnments, rich in blessing, Whicli before the cross I s|)eii(l ; Life and heiiltli ami |}cace possessiiig-, From the sinner's (.lying friend. I my- and id to J)lead tness [)less- jrcy, lirist, had not Here it is I find my heaven, While upon tlie f/inil) I gaze, Love I much, I've much forgiven, I'm a miracle of grace. to grace how great a debtor, Daily I'm constraine 1 to bo; Let tliat grace now like a fetter. Bind my wand'ring heart to thee." I did not allow myself to neglect meetings, wlicn it was in my power to attend them ; for it was the delight of my soul, to visit the house of God, and join in his Avorship there. I enjo3^ed so much of the presence of God, that I could 156 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF view-him iu his works, aivl receive instruction and refroah- ment to my soul in meditating u[)on tliein. Wlieti I btdield the bcautii'ul sun, and felt its invigorat- hig inHucnce, it induced a deHghtiul cuntemiihition of my Savior. I thought it was a fine emblem of himself; for he came a light into the world to enlighten our dark minds, that whosoever believeth in him should not walk in dark- ness, but should have the light of life, and to warm our frozen affections with the influences of his heavenly love. When I viewed the towering rocks they led me to think of my Savior, who is as the shadow of a great rock, for refuge ami safety to those who put their trust in him, whose promises are all yea and amen. When from my dwelling I looked down upon the waters of the sea, I was reminded of the fulness, extension, and freeness of my Savior's grace. The ebbing and flowing of the tide, from which springs are all su})plied, rivers and streams of water, all of which find their way back to the great ocean from whence they came ; so the love of Jesus flowing into ray heart, is re- flected back to him a^jain. *' ! for this love let rocks and hills, Their lasting silence breuli ; And all harmonious human tongues, The Savior's praises speak." When taking a lonely walk among the shady trees of the wood, what emblems of the human family present them- selves to my view. Trees of all descriptions, from the thrifty sapling to those in a decaying state, which have endured the changes of seasons, and storms beating upon them ; here withered branches, and there broken limbs, and others so much decayed, that they can hardly support MRS. MAUY BRADLEY. 157 of Ihem- the [have [upon Imbs, )port themselves in tiie earth, and some had (alien and were de- ca;ying ujKin the firound. Amon<^ tlie liuma!i hciiiL's uho dwell upon tlie face of the earth, from the infant, the s])riji;htly you»h, those of maidy growth, and such as are howed down with old age; all of every condition and description must be cut down by the ruthless hand of death. " No ruotn for mirth or trillin.2 here, For worlilly Impe or 'AMrldly I'ear, If life so soon is gone, If now the .Indpo is a*, tbp door, And all mankind ninst stand before The inexorablo Throne." 14* CHATTER XVII. In the order of God's kind providence, the Rev. Joshua Marsden, a Wcsleyan missionary, came to St. John, who was stationed hero a considerable time, and under whose superintendence the Germain street chapel was erected. An old acquaintance of mine removing from the country to the city, who was a member of the society, I met Mr. Marsden at her house, with whom I enjoyed some interest- ing conversation, and when lie understood I was one of his constants hearers, gave me a kind invitation to join the society. After a while Mr. Marsden appointed a love-feast, and having received a hearty invitation from him, I felt encour- aged to attend it, and strongly inclined to join his churchy but the stormy day prevented my going. The disappointment led me to think perhaps it is not the •will of the Lord I should be united to the Wesleyans, and as I continued to think upon it, one night I dreamed I was pleasantly situated on a place of my own, by the side of a beautiful river. I walked along its side, in search of a spring of water ; I found one and was glad for the spring of water ; it looked beautiful at fii'st, but on examination I ■was not satisfied with the water. I went further, and found another spring, but neither did that please me, for 168 MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 159 was of a lof a 3ring lion I and L for the water was soiuewhat turbid. I loft that and went a little farther, and came to a spot which had little appear- ance of a spring, yet it attracted ray attention, and when I had cleared away the top, I found it to be {)uro water, bubblin;^ up clear as crystal. I thought it flowed from a pure fountain. I felt greatly rejoiced for this spring ; it was just such as I wanted ; I thought now I have every thing I can desire. When I awoke I began to ponder over the dream, satisfied it was from the Lord for my in- struction. It occurred to me immediately, in the first church I joined, I met with di; appointment. In attempting to join another, I was prevented. An the third spring proved satisfactory, I felt much oncouiaged ; but durst not ven- ture without a clear view of my duty. I prayed to the Lord to make ay way plain, that I might be found in the right v'y. I thought, if I became (ne :^f their number, and the Spirit of the Lord should lead me to take up my ctosi in any unusual way, contrary to their rules or feelings, I might be opposed, and rejected ; I had far better stand alone, than either give, or recaive wounds ; for a wounded spirit who can bear ? Thus I was reasoning in my mind, until another quarterly love-feast was appointed. I felt inclined to attend it, and unite myself to thf church. It came into my .iind to write an article of agreement between the society and myself ; and take it with me, and present it to th., minister, and tell him, if he would sign it, I would jriii them, and if he objected to do so, I would take it as a sure token, it was not my providential way. Accordingly I drew up the writing, praying to the Lord, IGO LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF tliat his will miL^ht be discovered to me, and that I might act ill aeconliiiice therewith. IJetbre the commencement of the meeting, I stepped up to the minister, and gave him the writing, and after he looked it over, he said to me, " Yes, sister, I am willing to sign it ; " he did so, and gave it back to me. I have recorded the document below. I felt my mind very hap[)y, it was a covenant meeting, the first I had ever witnessed. I felt the Lord to be present and precious to my soul I felt truly thankful for the privilege I then enjoyed, and the evidence I then felt, that I was in the way of my duty. Glory be to his holy name, for ever and ever. I am struck with astonishment to observe the date, January, 1803. This being January, 1883. Just thirty years since I joined the Methodist church. Article of ajrroement between Mary Morris, and the Methodist church ; city of St. Joliu, We, the said cliurch, do receive Mary Morris into communion with us, according to our ruh's, aUowinu her all the hhertiesj, and privile^ies, our Henvenly Father doth ullow to the female sex, by the mouth of his pro|)hets and aposlU^a in his church militant : also, to iniprovc her talents and briiii^ her shifts into the sanctuary, as the Lord shall direct i.er, by his word, and Holy Spirit •, also to reprove any one, belonj,nnfj to the society, for any thing that shall come to her knowlcdije, of them, contrary to the commands of God. Also, if any one btdonijing' to the society hath any accusation against her, either great or small, they shall manifest to fier the same, taking ihc rules laid down in the Scriptures, for their direc- tion in the settlement of those matters. She also shall have liberty to plead her own cause before the church, against any perstm, who may prefer a charge against her. (mmI, and his Word, shall judge betwixt us both. I also make a free and cheerful offering of myself, soul and body, MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 161 iilist nioo , and px, by ill so, s the )rovc lie to satinu er the (lirec- Iberty , who judge body, unto God, to be faithful in all th\n^s in his service, unto whatever he inny please to call ine : also, when it shall be hia will to separ- ate Iheni, I crive my body to the dust, and my spirit to God, who gave it, throu(T[i Jesus I'hrist my Lord. Jlintn. Written by unworthy nio. This night, January 4, 1803. MARY MORRIS. (Signed,) JOSHUA MARS DEN. The next clay I went home enjoying great peace of mhid, and well satisfied. The rules of the society were given to me, which showed the obligation I was under to observe them. The distance and the badness of the way, rendered it impossible fur mc to attend my class regularly. One day returning from the city, I was much overcome with bodily weakness, to which I was subject ; I was much engaged in prayer, and when I reached home as was usual, retired into my favorite closet, my back so weak, I could scarcely support myself: but as s^on as I engaged in prayer, my heart was so filled with love to God, and my bodily strength renewed, and I experienced such a baptism of the Spirit, as I shall never forget, as long as I retain my senses. Bless the Lord, my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. I felt much engaged for the outpouring of his Holy Spirit upon the world. I did not feel satisfied to eat my spiritual bread alone ; I wanted all to share in the glorious truths of the gospel plan of salvation which I saw free for all who would believe, and seek them through the Lord Jesus. 162 LIFE AND EXPERIEXCE OF One evcninir, as T was wrestlinj^ with God, for his hlcss- 'o' in;:; upon mvsclf and tho world, I reflected upon the time when tlie Lord ;;ave me a visionary view of a <^lorious chani^e to take place in the world, which caused me to hoj)e I should live to witness something of it in my day. I prayed earnestly to the Lord, if I were not deceived, that he would ;:ive me a fresh token of it, that my faith mi,i;ht bo strengthened : That night I had a remarkable dre;un. I dreamed I was standinsz, in the silence of the night, by the side of a bed, nicely made up, and as I was lookijig )f tl le room, wiucn r'hich very earnestly toward the east comer o was very large, and liglit as day, there came a bright figui'c out of the east corner of the wall, which was the apjjcai'ance of a man, and moved slowly on the wall ; a little after, another came from the same place, which was the appearance of a boy. When I beheld them, I understood the man to be a representation of a man clothed witli the whole armor of God. The boy, to be one of the children of the resurrec- tion ; and that the Lord had sent them to me for a con- firmation of his promise, that I should see that happy day, which I had been so long expecting. I felt unsi)eakably hap[)y, and kept my eyes continually upon them, until they came to tlie west comer of the room and stopped. Then it oecurri'd to me, as the lightning Cometh out of the east, and shineth unto tho wcbL, so should also, the cominiz oC the kSon of man be. I thought the boy moved on, until he came to me, and wlien I took him into my arms — sat down in a chair, and held him in my la[), tliat his beauty tar excellcil all huuiaii beings, and that I had the greatest love for him. Lr MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 163 1 thought our spiritual union was so great, that language was not necessary to express our love to each other. Mv joy was heyond description. When I awoke, I was retharkably happy, and I firmly believed it was of the Lord. I did not lose the enioyment of it for many davs. I was greatly strengthened and encouraged, while I was led to consider, what great changes had taken place in the world, since my mind had been reliLrioasly exercised. The Scrij)ture3 wouhl occur with great freshness to my mind, and taught me the signs of the coming of the Son of man. I felt renewed zeal, and my heart glowed with love to my Savior. I never had liberty to tell those things in my class, but irt. Some- iP pond( my times in prayer meeting I would feel such a desire to take up my cross and jn-ay, that I could scarcely refiain, but the invitations being confined to the brethren, I was afraid to offend. I was many times afraid lest the fear of offending man, kept me from obeying the operation of the Spirit of God, which I felt in my heart. laud. I and luiaii ! most merciful God, the fountain of all goodness, the maker of all things, visible and invisible ; Avho knowest all things, and doest all things well. What a weak, ignorant, unworth}', and polluted creature I am, in and of myself bof)re thee. If thou hadst left me to myself, surely I should have been like those that went down to the pit. I have there- fore no claim upon divine mercy, from any good in myself, 1G4 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF nor for any thing done by me or in me ; therefore I re- nounce all rn)' own righteousness as filthy rags. It is onlv in and throun;h the merits and atonement of my Redeemer, thy only beloved Son Jesus Christ, by whom alone I can claim thee as my Father and my God. By his suffo lings and death, by his resurrection and as- cension, and intercession for me, unworthy as I am, that I can claim right to the tree of life ; and do trust through thy infinite mercy, that I shall be permitted at last to enter in through the grates into the eltv. I desire to adore thee for this blessed hope. cleanse me from all sin. Apply the virtue of my Savior's precious blood for a healing balm to my soul, that I may be made meet for the heavenly inheritance, and be found among the sheep at thy right hand. 0, happy moment when I shall realize the answer to this petition. Lord I am thine, save me ; save me from all evil ; save me from the power of every temptation. Save mo from dishonoring thy worthy name, either in thought, word, or deed. Save rae from heart wanderings, from deadness and dullness of spirit, from hardness of heart ; from light- ness and trifling. Save me from evil speaking, and from pride. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight at all times. 0, my heavenly Father, when I take a view of thy past mercies, I am astonished and lost in wonder, why such sincjular ftivors should be showed to such an unworthv worm as I am. 0, enable me to make a wise improvement of them. Suifer me not to hide my talent in the earth ; but that I may improve it to the honor and glory of thy great name. I humbly pray thee to hasten the coming of my blessed MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 165 re- ou'^h tbcni. that imc. lessfH \ Savior, that his righteousness may cover the earth, as the \Yaters cover the mighty ocean. Eiilara;e mv heart to make thee room ; mav mv faith be in full exercise, and my love abound m.re and more to thee and all mv fellow mortals. Draw them, I beseech thee, with the cords of thy heav- enly love. May Satan's kingdom fall down as Dngon before the Ark ; may he lose his power on the earth, and may he be confined to his own place ; and grant that the kingdom of Jesus Christ, thy dear Son, may be universally set up, and show forth thy praise from shore to shore, and from the rivers to the end of the earth. What blessings I humbly ask, are in the worthy name of Jesus Christ, thy dear Son, Amen. Januar)/ 2181,1^0^. — After I had joined the Wesleyan cluirch, I was informed that Mr. G., one of the members, did not live agreeably to his profession, neither j)raying in his family, nor asking a blessing at his table. It providen- tiallv occurred that the Rev. \Vm. Black, who was offici- ating in the city at the time, gave the sacrament, and held a love-feast, at which he urged us to speak of the present state of our minds. When 1 arose to speak, I could only say how much I was grieved to see an individual go forward who neglected Christian duties, and did not live a Chris tiau life. I sat down greatly relieved from the burden, and thankful to the Lord who had given mo strength to speak as I hud done, and alfording mo such enjoyment and peace of mind. I afterwards called upon the Rev. Mr. Black, with whom I had a lengthy conversation upon various subjects. I 15 16G MRS. MARY BRADLEY. received his instructions and reproofs in a meek and Inini ble spirit, determined it" possilile to profit tlicreby. Mr. (t. was prosecuted at court, and withdrew from tlic connection. 'J'iiuiii^h I had leen tried on his account, I eiijoved sucli sweet connnunion witli (lod at the time that it liad no bad clFect upon me. Dless the Lord, my soul. CHAPTER XVIII One cloudv day, late in autumn, my hushand took his hired man and my nepliew, a Httle boy, and went into the ■woods in searcliof cranl)erries. After their departure, the •\vcather changing became very raw, cold, with occasional showers of snow. Towards night, I became exceedingly uneasv about them, and concerued f )r tlieir safetv. I was obliged, being alone, to milk the cows, and take the best care of them I couM ; the night became very dark, and everv thinir looked drearv ; increased by the fear that \uv family was lost in the woods, without footures erroneuuslv, Christ (pioted them correctly. Wlieu I bc^an to feel liis tiery darts, I liad recourse to the records of (jod's lioly Wurd ; and when he sujx^ested the evil conseciuenco of our concerns, ami tempted mc to murmer a;^ainst the allot*nents of Providence, over which we coiild luivc no control, I was enai)led to resist liim in the strength t»f the Lord ; ami prayed earnestly for submission to his blessed will ; and if he saw fit to try mo in the furnace of aflliction, that he would .iiivc me patience, nnd sanctify it to the <:oo(l of mv soul. Hut Satan attacked mc with threat force, as though he would not be foiled, claiming it as his o[)portunity, to make me his prey. I was deteimined in the strength of Lord that 1 would not yield. " III all my trouble's sliiirpcst sting, My soul to .Icsiis llii'« ; My iUK'liur's liold is fiiiii in liim, When swelling billow's rii?e." I thought over my past life, and called to mind tho dealing hand of God with me, and the many victories he had enabled me to obtain over my spiritual enemies ; and I believed he was as able and willing as ever to assist mc, and therefore concluded : " Never will T remove, Out of thy hands my course, But trust ill thy rciieiining love, i\iul liuiig upon thy cross.'' CHAPTER XIX. WiiKX I tliouiilit npon the Scripture records of many valiant Sfrvjuits of" tlie Lord, \\\\n \vere called to fight his battles, and stood their ;^roiuid, if I had tlie same deu'rec of faith, and louu'ht as manfully as they did, I mii^lit con- quer too : for all things are possille to him that believeth. Only helieve, and thou shalt see the salvation of (jod. Theynho trust in the liord shall be as Mount Zion, that shall never be removed. A'lraham i).dieved, and received the ])romised blessing ; and ^\hen Joshua took the lead of the children of Israel, after they passed over Jcu'dan, went against Jericho and subdued it, with no other weapon than the sounding of ranrs-horiis. ISamson also, Avhen his enemies beset him round about, found a new jnw-boue of an ass, and put f trth his hand, and toiik it, and slow ;t thousand men therewith : Judges, \') : 1."). And when he was lioimr down to 'rinmuth with his father :ind Uiothei-, a young lion roariMl a;.',ainst him, and the Spirit of t!io Lord eame miglitily upon him, and ho rent him as ho would have rent a kid. Ihivid alsi', when ho was lut a strijjliiig, triumphed over the enemies of God, and Israel. 174 MRi^. MAPvY 15RADLEY. 1 (0 1 Srimne! Chap. 17. — Now l!it> Pliilistinos i.'at'iorcd toirotlior (heir nrmii's to l):ittle, and wnro ^atlnMiMl tnoctlier at Slioclioli, winch bo- loni^f.'tli to Jiidah, aiui pilchud bolween Sliochoh and AzL'Iiah. in Ej)hi">s-(l;iiiiiiiiiii. And Saul and the iiioti of Israrl wcro o-athpriMl toijolhor, and pitchod by tliL' valley of Elali, and sot tin; l)attlo in array aj^ainst the IMiilistitiPs. And the Philistinos stood on a tnonnfain nn the one sido, and I.sraol stood on a nioiintain on llio othorsido : and there was a valley between tlwMn. And there went out a charnf)ion ont of the camp ofthe Philistines* named Goliath, of (iath, whose hei;,'ht was six cubits and a span. And ho had an holmot of brass upon his head, and ho was armed with a coat of mail; and tho weight of the coat was five tlunjsand shekels of brass. And he had greaves of brass upon his legs, and a target of brass between his shoulders. And the staff of his spear was like a weaver's beam; and his spear's head weighed six hundred shekels of iron: and oiie bearing a shield went before him. And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them. Why are ye come out to set your battle in array ? am not I a Philistine, aud ye servants to Saul ? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to wc. If ho bo able to fight with mo, and kill me, then will we be your servants ; but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall yc bo our servants, and serve us. And the Philistine said. I defy tho armies of Israel this day ; •rivo mo a man, that \v(! may tight together. When Saul and all Israel heard those words of the Philistine, they were dismayed, and greatly afraid. Now David was the son of that Ephrathito of Betlilehem-judah, whoso name was .Tesse ; and ho had eight sous ; aud tho man Avent, among men for an old man in the days of Saul. And tho three eldest sons of Jesso wont and followed Saul to tiic battle : and the names of his three sons that went to the battle wore Eliab the first born, and next unto him Abinadab, and tho third Shnmniah. 176 LIFE AXD EXPERIENCE OF Aivl David was the younjfest : nnd the tliree eldest followed Smil. But D.ivhI wont and rrttirnod from Saul tu feed his fatiicr's sheep at Brthlohcin. And thi' Philistine drew near rnornin;^ and evening, and present- ed himself forty days. And Jesse said unto David his son, Take now for thy brethren an epliah of this parched corn, and these ten loaves, and run to the camp to thy brethren : And curry tln-se ten cheeses unto the cnptain of their thousand, and look how thy bretiiren fare, and take their pledn-e. Now Saul, and they, and all the men of Israel were in the valley of Elah, tiL''htini,' with the Plulistines. And David rose up early in the morning, and left the sheep with a keeper, and took, and went, as Jesse had commanded liim ; and he came to the trench, as the host was going fortij to the fight, and siK.utfd fur the battle. For Israel and the Philistines had put the battle in array, army against army. Attd David left his carriage in the hand of the keeper of thecar- ria^fe, and ran into the army, and came and saluted his brethren. And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the IMiiiistinc of Gath, Goliath by name, out of tlie armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the sume words : and David heard them. And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid. And the men of Israel said. Have ye seen this man that is come up ? surely to defy Israel is he come up : and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make liis father's house free in Israel. And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying. What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel ? for who is this uncircumciscd Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God ? And the j)cople answered him after this nianner, saying. So shall it bo done to the man that killeth him. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 177 Icome jilt the lichep, liee in Iwhat Inketh Hciscd shall An(\ Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spake unto the men and Eliab's anj^er wns kindled airainst Uavid, and he siiid, Why canipst ihoii down hither ? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness ? I know thy pride, and the naiiL^htiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle. And David said, What have I now done ? U there not a canse? And he turned from hitn toward another, and spake after the same manner: and the people answered him a jf the bear, and he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philu ire. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the Lord t"^ '^itit tli«e. And Say] armed David with his armour, and he put an helmet of brass ii(ion his head ; nldo he arm'-d him with a coac of mail. And David girded iiis sword upon his armour, and he assayed to ;^o ; tor he liad not proved it. And David said utJto Saul, I carir.ot {jfo with these, for I h've not proved them. And David put them otr him. And he took his staff in liis hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook and put thern in a shepherd'a bag which he 16 178 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF hful, nvon in a scrip ; and his 8lin;T was in his hand : and ho drew noar to the iMiilistiiiP. And thf I'hiliHtiiK,' caiiio on. iind drow nnar unto David ; and the niim that licai- the shield went hcforo him. .And \vli(;ii t.lic Plnlistine hxiked about, and .saw David, he dis- daiiM'(l him; lor he was bni a youth, and ruihly, and of t'air counte- nance. And the Phili.slino said inito David, Am I a dorf, that thou com- e.st to rnc with staves .- and tiie IMiilisline cursed David by iii.s gods. And the Pliilistine said to David, Come to me, and will irlvc thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field. Then said David to the Philisline, Thou romest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield : but I come to tiiee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the (iod of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast delied. This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand: and I will sniite thrse, and take thine head from thee ; and I will give the car- casses oflhtliost of the Phi'istines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the ^iid beasts of the earth : that all the earlh may know that there is a Ood in Israel. And all this assembly shall know that the Lord saveth not with sword and spear : for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give you into onr hands. And it came to pass, when the PhiUstino arose, and came and drew nigh to meet David, that David hasicd, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine. And David |.ut his liand in his bag, and look thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Phdistine in his forehead, that the stone sank into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth. So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sHno .-^1 with a stone, and etnote the Philistine and slew him : but there was no sword in the hand of David. Therefore David ran and stood upon the Philistine, and took hvs sword, and drew it out of the sheath thereof, and slow him, and cut off his head therewith. And when the Philistines saw their cham- pion was dead, they fled. And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pur- MKS. MARY li RAD LEY. 179 s\\e(] the Philistines, until thou come to the valley, and to the gates of Ekroii. And the wuiiiuli'd of the I'hilistiiios tell down by the way to Shaar.'iiin, even unto Gatii, and unto likron. And tlie children of Israid retnriuHl tVuni chasing alter the I'hilis- tint's, and they spoiled their tents. And Huvid took the head of the Philistine, and brought it to Jerusalem ; but he put iiis armour in iiikj tent. And when Saul saw David go forth ai>ainst the r'hilistino,he said (.into Abner the captain of the host, Abnrr, whose son is this youth? And Abner said, As tiiv soul liveth, O king, I cannot tell. And (he king said, fntpiire thou whose son the 6trip[)ling is. And as Diivid returned from the slaughter of the Philistines, Abner took him, and brought iiim before bJaul, with the head of the Philistin(< in ins hand. And Saul said to him. Whose son art thou, tIio\i young man? And David answered, I am tlie son of thy servant Jesse the Ceth- iemite. Wlic-ii I road those mtci'cstiu^ accounts, I considered iliein to be ii^iirative. Those professed enemies, Pharaoh, l\iii,j; of Egypt, Agag, king of the Amalekites, and Goliath of (jiatli, to rei)resent »Satan ; and tlioso under their con- trol, and ill their servieOj to represent our s[)iritual ene- mies, the depravity of our liaturc, our hesetting sins. JSatan is constantly engaged against the interests of Christ's kingdom, to devise ineaiis how to accora})lish the destruction of maid^ind. But the blessed Jesus is fully able to save to the uttermost, all wlio come to God through him fur refuge, from these nuiiierous and j)0tent foes, and from all their fierce allies. " Resist the devil, and he will flee fi'om you." It occurred to me as my enemies are spiritual, the weapons of my warfare must be spiritual also : of which I found a confirmation in the 6th of Ephesians, and tenth and following verses : 1^ 180 LIFE AND EXPKRIENC'E OF Finally my bictliren, be strong in the I.on), and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the (hvii. For wn wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against princi- palities, against powers, against the rnlers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wicl-edness in high plaees. Wherefore take nnto you the whole armotrr of God,that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand. Stand thomfore, having your loins girt about with truth, anii having on the breastplate of righteousness ; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Ai)oveall, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall quencL- all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of safration, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of Godv Praying always with II prayer and snpplicntion in the ?^pirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and su()i)lication for all saints. Thus I was plaii)fy tauglit, I>y tlic VVot-d of God, what j^ind of weapons were to be used, in order to conquer my spiritual enemies ; and when Satan should come like t* floo<], a standard was lifted up against him. The language of the prophet Habakkuk, 3 : 17, greatly encouraged me. Although the fig-tree shall not blossom, neither shnll fruit be in the vines : the labor of ihe olive shall fail, and the tields shiill yield no ment ; the fiock shall be cut r.{Tlrom the fold, and there shiill bo no herd in the stalls : Vet I will rej.iice in the Lord, 1 will joy in the God of my sa vatioii. When contrasting myself with the Word of God, I IVmnd the world swayed my heart too much; I couI«l not submif i"> loses, and crapses, and tlisapj ointments, witlioiit being >n some degi-'-.' cast down and unhnptjv. 1 had too i^reai ii desire for worldly pros|ierity. I was convince*! I had arj enemy secreted within, which must be subdued before I could cheerfully adopt the language of Ilabakkuk. MRS. MARY JiRADLEY. 181 I was sensible unless I obtained such a degree of <^raco as to enable me to be satisfied with what God in his wise rrovidencc had allotted me, whether it wore )toverty, or a conilbrtable competency, I sh .uld be at war with l*rovi- dence, and with a discontented, munTmriii;^; spirit, Satan would always find izround to shelter hiniself, and would be always disturbin;^ my ])eace, nnd I should be liable to grieve the Spirit of God, and cause him to withdraw. The idea of boin;:; left in such a state I could not bear : what fuagc me. he in yield i.-.llbo joy in (HUld ul'mii" bfing grcaJ ad arj ore I " 2so I in the strength of Jcsu», no I I never will give up my shield !" Those words were applied to my mind : " Prove me and see if I will not open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing, such as there shall not be room to con- tain." I felt thankful to the Lord for tlie temptations which I had been enabled to endure as a trial of mv faith and love, and the discovery of my own weakness, and the secret enemy of my heart, which had so bound me to the world. It seemed as if everv cord which tied me to the world gave way, and when Satan again assaulted mc, I could call to mind young David with his shng and stone, and Joshua, throwing the walls of Jericho down. Daniel, also, cast into the lion's den ; but the Lord graciously de- livered him. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, were thrown into the fire ; but the Lord rescued them. At the command of Joshua, the heavenly bodies sus- pending their operations until he gained the victory over his enemies. If Goliath had not gone forward and defied the armies 16* JOOt'Si 182 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OP of Israel, he prol)ai)ly would not liave been killed. If Satan had nut taken tlie advantage of me in my trials and afflictions, perhaps I should not have had such a discovery of liis devices, and the deceitfulucss of rny own heart ; nei- ther should 1 have had such f»roof of the lovin;^ kindness of the Lord, in enabling me by his grace to endure and stand my ground against my spiritual foes, and not let them triumph over me. Glory he to God, mv faith and love were greatly strengthened, and my resolution to obey his voice. When Satan again attacked me, I could sing with the poet : " By whom was Dftvifl tau<;ht, Toaim the dreuli 1 blow ? Wlien he (iolinth foii_'>t, Ami laid the Gittite low ! No sword nor spear the stripling took, But chose a pebble from the brook. 'Twas Israel's Ood and kinpr, Who sent him forth to fight ; Who gave him strength to sling, And skill to aim aright. Ye feeble saints, your strength endiires , Because young David's God is yours. Who( rdered Gideon forth, To storm the invader's camp ; With arms of little worth, A pitcher and a Uinip. The trumpet*^ made his coming known. And all thehoJ't was overthrown." ! how loth was Sa-tan to take his departure, for he would be stiU darting into my mind a variety of circum- etances, trying to my di8j(>osition, to prevent resiguatiou MRS. MARY BRADLKY. 183 the to God's holy will, but blcascil be hi;? name, he enabled mo to turn a deaf car to Satan at once, and to sing : " Altliongli tlie vine hi:' fruits rleny, Tlic empty stiill no herd afTord, Rut perish all the bleating race ; Yet will I triumph in the Lord, The God of my salvation praise." My heart rejoiced in the Lord, ami my mouth was filled ■with his praises, and the enemy seein;^ himself so com- pletely baffled, seemed to sneak off like a snake in tho grass. From my first sotting out in religion, I had been im- pressed with the danger of worldly entanglement ; it had been my daily prayer to be saved from its snares, and that my affections might be jjlaeed on things above. Though I have been at times greatly tempted and cast down, 1 have never indulged in any known sin, or fled to the world for happiness. Blessed be the Lord, who hath brought me hitherto, and for the settled, peaceful state of mind I continued to enjoy to the end of the year. The name of Jesus was my constant theme, and his promises ray daily delight. I had a number of favorite hymns which were expressive of the state of my mind, and being the language of my heart, I sung them with great pleasure and edification. he ixixn- Ltion 1 Lo ! I come with joy to do, 'I'he Masters blessed will ; Hitn in outward works pursue, And serve his pleasure still. Faithful lo my Lf)rd's comrnands, J still would choose the better part ; Serve with careful Martha's haiids, And loving Mary's heart. 184 Lli-K AND EXPEIUENCE OF 2 Careful wiiliotji raiQ 1 am, Nor tt:el rny happy toil ; Ki'pt ill priKM' l)y Jt'Hiis' n.iiiic, .Su[)[)()rlt'(l by Ins smilo. Jdsfiil thus my faith t< -how, I find his survH'O my reward ; Mvery work I do bplow, I do it to the L(^rd> 3 Thou, ("^ Lord, in tfndf'riove, Do^i nil my bmth'iis bear; Lifts my heart to thmirs .ibove, And fix it ever there ! Calm on tumult's wheel I sit, Midst busy multitudes alone, Sweetly wailing' at thy feet. Till all tliy will be done. 4 Thou, O Lord, my portion art, Before I hence remove ; Now my treasure and my heart Are all laid up above : — Far above all earthly things. While yet my hands are here employed Sees my soul the King of kings, And freely talks with God. 5 O that all the art mi 2 Tlioro If.'t it for tliv irlory liiirri. With iiifXtiiiLMiisliiiblu lilazt' ; And tremhlirii; to its source return, 111 luiinble love uiid fervent piuiae. 3 Jesii^, confirm my heart's desire To ' ;k, anil spe.ik, and think for thee; StiM I. i iiM <4u;ird the holy lire, A>i(J ili .-,tir np iliy irit't in me. 4 R< idy l()r all ihy perfect will, Thy acts of faith and love; repeat; Till death thy endless mercies seal. And make the sacrifice complete. 1 When quiet in my honse I sit, Thy book be my companion still ; My joy, thy sayings to repeat, Tiilk o'er the records of thy will, And search the oracles divine, Till every heartfelt word bt; mine. 2 O, may the gracious words divine, Subject of all my converse he ; So will the liord his follower join, And walk and tiilk himself with me So shall my heart hi.> presence prove, And burn with everlasting love. # ^o"-T- IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) y A 4. VL 1.0 I.I 11.25 If 1^ M U 11 1.6 Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, NY. 14580 (716) 872-4503 V iV ^^ :\ \ ^9) V CV 6^ rv '^''V<^ c^, % V^ #, ^ j^. i/l 180 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF 3 Oil as I lay me down to rest, O, may thu reconciling word Sweetly compose my «eury breast, Willie un liiij bosum ol my Lord, I siiili in blisst'ul dreams away, And visions ot" eternal day. 4 llisiniT to sinj^ my Savior's praise, Tliee may J publisii all day long ; And let tliy precious word of grace Flow I'rom my heart, and till my tongue. Fill all my heart witli purest love. And join me to the church above. 1 I '11 praise my IMaker wiiile I've breath, And when my voice is lost in death, Praise shall employ my nobler powers. ]\Iy (lays of praise shall ne'er be past, While life, and thought, or being last, Or immortality endures. 2 ITappy the man whose hopes rely On IsraePs God; he muth^ the sky, And earth, and seas, witli all their train; His truth for ever stands secure, He saves the oppressed, he feeds the poor. And none shall find his promise vain. 3 The Lord pours eye-sight on the blind, The Lord supports the fainting mind; He sends the labormg conscience peace, He helps the stranger in distress, I'he widow and the fatherless, And grants the prisoner sweet release. rv} MRS. .^lARY BRADLF.Y, 187 raj bles3C(l Lord, I tli ink th-o for tho many favors conferred on tlie least and iuM-;t unwortliv of thv crea- tures. I am entirely incipalih' of perfui niin,^' anv thinj; aright before thee of niys'df; F am de|.eiideiit up<^n divine assistance for progress in niv heavenly jonrnoy. Pardon, I beseech thee, the many defects au 1 sh -rtHMmings in my duty to thee and my fellow-travellers to eternity. 0, help me so to live hi time, rememliering that I must give account of my stewardship. () my Father, I humbly pray thee, prepare me for every event of fde, ond furnish me "With grace, that I may steadfastly persevere in every duty, and not only ^valk, but run with patience the race set before me, looking to Jesus, that at length I may safely arrive at the heavenly kingdom, and find admit- tance through the gate into the city, and have assigned me some happy place : " Where I may tcliMll thy lovely face, With stroiiir. iuimortal eyes; And feast ui-uii tliy heavenly prace, Witli iileusure aiKUurprise." These blessings I implore for myself and all believers, for the sake of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. CHAPTER XX. I CONTINUED exceedingly liappy, until I received a let- ter from my brother in-law, informing me of the death of their daughter, and enclosing a lock of her hair. It was so sudden a shock, that I was quite overcome with sor- row, sympathizing with my dear brother and sister for the loss of their only child. After continuing for many years in a delicate state of health, my dear sister was blessed with a lovely daugh- ter, the joy and hope of their earthly home ; but alas ! at eight years old the blooming hope was blasted ; en- forcing the following poeti'3al remark : " The dear delights we here enjoy, And fondly call our own, Are but short favors borrowed now, To be repaid again." Dear Brother and Sister : — I take this opportunity to write you a short lamenta- tion on the death of our gaged, and with which I was entirely unacquainted. I was afraid it might prove a snare to us in many ways. I was jealous of my own heart, lest I should crave the profits arising from the sale of liquor, which might be used in a sinful way by those who purchased it. Besides, I was always fond of retirement. Having weighed these things over in my mind, I felt my spirit embarrassed and cast down. One day I asked my husband if he was not afraid that selling liquor would 17* 193 194 LIFE AND KXTKiatlNCK OF prove a snaro to \\s. I said, nan}' ulio IoHoutmI that Itiisi- ness, fell victims to it tlieniselvfs. lie repliod. he could not live in to\\n hut by kcejtiii^ sliop, and that his health would not admit ot his rcniaiuin;:; loutxer on a farm. I endeavored to look up to the T^ord, who was mv only refuse, and the promise, " The Lord shall li;-dit for you," was applied to my mind with great comfort. 1 was en- abled to cast my care upon him, h()]iin«^ through whatever afflictions I should be called to jass, he would give me strength according to my day. I felt encouraged to hope in God, that he would, by his kind Trovidence, open a way for our temporal j)rosperity, and also give me grace and wisdom, that I might maintain a sitigle eye to his glory in all my thoughts, words, and actions, and that my heart might be wholly devoted to him. I found in our new situation, a great accession of Chris- tian privileges, and some new trials ; })articuh\rly, a con- stant interruption of that sweet retirement Avhich I so much enjoyed in the country, and the cares of worldly business under some discouragements, often weighed down my spirits, and I Avas freijuently inclined to a dis- contented state of mind ; but when the scale of pros])erity preponderated over that of adversity, I felt relieved from the fear of worldly failure, though for a time our pros- pects of accumulation were precarious. My hope was in the Lord, who made heaven and earth, whose are the cattle upon a thousand hills, and all our circumstances and affairs are under his control. I felt sensibly it was my duty to be industrious, prudent, and careful in all my domestic concerns, put my trust in the Lord, submit to his holy will, and be content in whatever situation he saw fit to place me. AIRS. iMAUY liUADLEY. 105 vou »> grace I so rorldly ;,hcJ a dis- ?})enty from pros- earth, ill our I felt and in the atcver I was afraid of the world, and determined by ^racc, whatever burthen it was to my mind and labor to my hands, it .should not have possession of my heart ; there- fore 1 kept a constant watch over my dis{,osition, praying that I might be enabled to give my heart unreservedly to God ; and when I attended religious meetings, to say to all my worldly cares, as Abraham said to his yoinig men, when he was going to the mountain to olVer up his son : " Stay you here, while I go yojider and worsiiip ; " and I was seldom troubled with them \;ntil I returned home. I never burthened my leader with a detail of my diffi- culties, because I enjoyed many mercies and comforts, both temporal and sj)iritual. I always endeavored to cultivate a grateful sense of the goodness of God toward me, and speak of my feelings under that influence, and tell of my hope in God, and not look on the dark side of every thing, complaining to my fellow creatures, who could not relieve me ; but to lay all my trials and afflictions before the Lord, and wait hi time to remove them. I kept no regular journal, and it was not in my power to call to mind but a small part of my exercises, for sev- eral years, only some particular circumstances, in order to keep an eye upon them, hoping at some future period to be able to write more particularly. November 25th, 1810. I visited a sick woman, for whom I was much concerned, fearing she was not pre- pared for death. On asking if she found any change in her mind, she replied she had not; and that her heart was very hard, destitute of every good thing, and un- alarmed at the thoughts of death. Having listened to her statement, and fearing she would die in her sins, I 190 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF laborcil with licr, pr.iycd for licr, was melted into tcndcr- no3.s before (iod, and nmch cncouraL^ed on Iier account. A pious woman came in, who liful sometime previously lost her husband, with whom I sympatiiized iu her afHic- tion, wlio said it was a I,FY. 107 cndcr- count. ,'iously iifHic- ervcd, lors of ; like a ago, sensa- have on my ugh it b a loss Black 3 rah am eivcdst ^s ; but While ou are !r such egan to until a (ceedecl thmk ave the chapel ; l)ut my hotter juilgmcut opposed it, and T felt alarmed to think that f corM n- f hear to hear the Worlia.'.ll)e no more." I have been taught a fact -wliich I hope will be of ser- vice to me all the rest of my })i1grimage ; that is, altlioiigh I were ever so happy in religion, and enjoyed everso much of the love of God, yet I had need of as constant watchful- ness against temptation as at an}^ time. It is a truth which ought always to be remembered, that Satan is an enemy to God and our own souls, a powerful ene- my, the prince of the power of the air, who rules in the hearts of the disobedient — all who continue to pursue the delights and sinful pleasures of this vain world, continue contented in their sins, until their eyes are closed in death ; conse- quently he will rule over them and in them to all eternity ; being always in misery himself, he can only communicate what he has and is to others : therefore the wages of sin is death. The people of God are liable to suffer from his evil sug- gestions, being ignorant of his devices. Satan's first design is to tempt to the neglect of duty, and just in proportion to the sin of omission, the mind be- comes dark, gloomy, cast down, and unhappy. Opposites destroy their opposites, and it is under a sense of loss, sustained by opposition, the following exclamations have emanated : " I shall one da.y fall by the hand of Saul. that it were with mo as in days past, when the candle of the Lord shone bright upon me, and I walked through dark places ; tender of scr- Ithough 50 much atchfiil- ed, that rful cne- c hearts delights mtcnted ; consc- ternitv ; lunicate of sin ;vil sug- )f duty, nind be- a sense Linations ) that it he Lord places ; MRS. MAUY UIIADLKY. 199 when the love of God was shed abroad in mv lieart, and I enjoyed sweet communion witli him, and a bright evidence of my acceptance. 0, there is nothing I desire so much as the favor of God." I have no intention to turn back to the workl, it has notliing to give which can make me happy. I would not wittingly sin against God, it grieves me to the heart to think I ever offended him. that my heart were cleansed from all sin. I know without hohness I can never see his face in glory. Sweet peace is one of the greatest temporal enjoyments, national, domestic, personal, and above all, the peace of God, -which surpasseth all understandin< 'g " Which tlie world cannot give or destroy, The hciirt-felt sunshine iind the soul's full joy." I am convinced that by refusing to receive comfort from the simple plain truths of God's word, is to resist the spirit of God, and by resisting we grieve him, and by our unbe- lief cause him to depart from us ; but glory be to God for his forbearance and patience toward me, he convinced me of my error, restored me to his favor, and renewed my strength like the eagle's. I thought I was one of the hap- piest creatures on earth, and all I enjoyed was through the merits and atonement of my blessed Savior. I began to think the Lord was preparing me for afflic- tions and trials, such as I had never before experienced. " Now no chastisement for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous, nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peace- able fruits of righteousness to those -who are exercised thereby." I thought I could say with David, " Surely I have (|uieted myself as a child that is weaned of his mother ; my 200 LIFE AND KXPERIENCE OP soul is oven as a weaned cliild." I felt afflictions had a tendency to wean mo from tlic world, and from those wtio were my earthly ties ; but my prayers were continually for them ; I thought I would rather lay down my own life than that they should die in their sins. Although my trials were great, they were profitable ; it was good for me to be afflicted. I was determined if pos- sible that patience should have its perfect work ; it was liumbling to my proud nature, my flesh would complain ; but my soul would rejoice and acknowledge the hand of God, if it be his will, and promotive of his glory, and the good of my soul, I ought to rejoice even in tribulation. " God's furnace floth in Zion stand, Bnt Zioii's God sits by ; As 11 rc'lincr views Iiis g'old, Witii an oijservunt eye." The refiner sits looking upon the crucible until he sees his own image reflected upon the liquid metal; the process is then complete. 0, what love do I see manifested towards me by a gra- cious God ; may my soul submit with Christian fortitude ; kiss the rod and him wiio hath appointed it ; as a faitliful soldier of Jesus Christ may I be faithful unto death, that J may receive a crown of life. The following lines were often a great comfort to me : O Zion, afflicted with wave upon wave, Whom no man can comfort, whom no man can save ; With darkness surrounded, by terrors dismayed, In toiling and rowing thy strength is decayed. MRS. :maiiy eradley. 201 Loud roariii; . le billows now niijii overwhelm ; But skilful tiio pilot, wlio sits at the helm ; His wisdom conducts thee, His |)ow(,«r thee defends, In safety and quiet, thy warfare He ends. fearful ! O faithless ! in niercy lie cries. My prpinise, my truth are the lij^ht in thine eyes ; Still, still I am with thee ; my promise shall stand, Through teuipest and tossinir I'll bring thee to land. Forget thee I will not, I cannot; thy name Engraved on my heart dotfi forever remain; The palms of my hands whilst I look on I see The wounds I received, when suffering for thee. 1 feel at my heart all thy sighs, and thy groans ; For thou art most near me, my flesh and my bones ; In all thy distresses, thy head feels the pain. Yet all are most needful, not one is in vain. Then trust me, and ft?ar not, thy life is seci^re ; My wisdom is perfect ; supreme is my power ; In love I correct thee, thy soul to refine. To make thee at length in my likeness to shine. The foolish, the fearful, the weak are my care. The helples;!, the hopeless, I hear their sad prayer ; From all their afflictions, my glory shall spring. And the deeper their sorrows, the louder they '11 sing. Blessed be the Lord, for his unbounded love ; what helps did he afford me in the time of my affliction ; both from his word, and from Psalms, and Il^-mns, which were so applicable to my case. I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence Cometh my help ; my help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. 18 202 LIFE ANIJ EXPEIUKNCE OF He will not suffer thy foot to bo moved ; he that kcep- cth thee will not slumber. Behold he that keepcth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is thy keeper, the Lord is thy shade on thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor ttie moon by night. The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil ; he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore. This promise also, was a great support to my mind : They that trust in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed, but abidcth forever. CHAPTER XXII. The first of May, 1816, my husband gave up business, rented the lower part of the house, and removed into the upper part ; his health being very poor, and himself ad- vanced in vears. I was greatly reheved for a httle while, being fond of retirement. In the course of the summer, I made a visit to the country to see my friends, who received me with marked kindness and love. Not having enjoyed the like privilege for many years, it invigorated my constitution, and greatly refreshed my spirits. In about four weeks I returned home again, and was kindly received by my husband and friends in the city. While in the counti'y I could say : The calm retreat, tlie silent shade, With prayer, and prais^e agree. And scein by thy sweet bounty made, For those wlio follow thee. But having so greatly enjoyed the rural scenery, my dear friends, kind hospitality, and company, I had to com- plain : Our nearest joys, and dearest friends, Tiie partners of our blood : How they divide oiu- wtivering minds, And leave but half for God. 203 204 LIFE AXI) KXPEIITENCE OF Towards the close of the year, mv troubles again revived, and like a mariner in time of danger, 1 Avas jiut to my -Nvits' end : however, 1 had cause to be thankful, the storm sometimes subsided, and a sweet calm ensued. r)n the Sabbath evening previous to the Kew Year of 1817, our minister, the ]lev. Wm. Croscomb, notified, the people, that a Watch-night would be held, to com menee at nine o'clock, and to continue until after twelve. Though it Avas with me a time of peculiar affliction and sorroAv, I anticipated much enjoyment from that solemn means of grace. I was by domestic circumstances prevented from attend- ing until ten o'clock, and then I went to the chapel with a heavily burthcncd mind ; but during the varied, and in- teresting exercises, my heart was raised to God in prayej, and considerably encouraged and relieved. Near the close, Mr. C. said, we have now ten minutes before the commencement of the I^Iew Year, which Ave Avill spend in silent prayer before the Lord ; they Avere SAveet moments to me, the clouds Avere dispersed, and my soul Avas made truly happy in God. I returned to my liouse Avith great joy, having realized that it Avas not a vain thing to wait upon the Lord : Glory to his great and lioly name for ever and ever. Many Avere the afflictions I Avas called to pass through : but I Avas greatly suytported under them. On the ninth of February, my husband Avas taken quite unAvell, and although every exertion Avas made for his recovery, he still continued to groAv Averse, and lingered until the first day of March, 1817, Avhen he departed this life. About a Aveek before his death, I Avas enabled to sign him up to the Lord : But alas ! hoAv Avas I overcome Avhen I beheld my companion a lifelesp lump of clay ? MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 205 again as put ul, the I. Year lotified. :o com welve. ion and solemn attend- ed ^^itll and in- prayej, 3ar the ore the pend in oments s made reahzcd Glory krough : n quite Ifor his ln2;ered Ited this Iblcd to lercome ? When I took my last farewell until the morning of the resurrection, my knees bent under me, and I had scarcely strength sufficient to support mo. Death and eternity are serious matters. I derived much comfort from the cheerinj; sentiments of the Psalmist : Psalm 12;J. — Unto t!ieo I lift up mine oyes, Otliou that dwellest in tlie lieavens. Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their mas- ters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress ; so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us. Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy^upon us : for we are exceedingly filled with contempt. Psalm I'jy. — O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my down-sitting and mine up-rising, thou under- standest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all n)y ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, hut lo, O Lord, thou know- est it altogether. Thou has beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for ine ; it is high, I cannot at- tain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy Spirit ? or whither shall I flee from thy presence ? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there : if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. Search me, O God, and know my heart : try me, and know my thoughts : And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. During the two years and four months of my widow- hood, the Lord was my helper, my keeper, and my king. 18* 206 MRS. MARY BRADLEY. ThcsG words were also very rcfrcsliing to my mind : " What times I am afraid, I will trust in the Lord." I saw a delightt'ul fulness and af»i)roi)riatencss in the prom- ises of God to my situation. 1 could receive k^t. Paul's declaration, " All is yours, Ye are Christ's, and Christ is God's" ev mind : ;a." I c prom- . Paul's Ilirist is CHAPTER XXIII. The tliirticth day of June, 1819, I was marricrl to Mr. Levent Pradley. The following lines I wrote a few days previous to that event : O, may our hearts be joined in one, While on this earth we rove, And when we lay our bodies down, May they ascend above. There in sweet strains of love divine, We'll s'lwr our Maker's praise, And in His grlorious image shine. Saved monun)ents of grace. We have nothing here to call our own, Our treasure is above ; We would not wish an earthly crown. Our riches be his love. We are strangers here, but travel on ; Our journey soon will end ; And when our work on earth is done. To heaven may we ascend. 207 208 LIFK AND EXI'KFirE.VCE OF The earthly rrnodd wc hero posaoss, \Vo hold with a loose luind; And wait our heavenly Father's call, And go at his coniniund. May wisdom be our constant {?uide, And {jraco our vessels fill ; Till we are seated by his side, His wondrous l<»vo to tell. O! how transporting- is the thouyht, That Jesus is our friend ; To liirn who call'd the world from nought, Be glory without end. Jan. 1, 1830. — Lord, I boscccli tlice, malcc mc truly tliankt'ul for tlic mercies ot* the day past, and for all the blessings with which a life so unprofitable and unworthy has been favored. 0, give me a humbling sense of ray sinfulness and short- coming, and help rae to lay aside every weight and the sin which most easily besets mc, that I may fight the good fight of faith, and finish my course with joy. How delightful is the expectation of beholding thy face in glory. " Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth I desire in comparison of thee. When my heart and flesh shall fail, be thou the strength of my heart and my portion for ever." Lord, I beseech thee, pity those who are destitute of this blessed hope, and give them grace to repent, believe, and seek until they find the .alvation of their souls. 36?. — Sabbath morning visited, talked, and prayed with a sick woman. Lord, I thank thee for strength of body and mind to perform so delightful a task ; may my feeble MRS. MAIIY 1!UAI)L1:Y o 209 fight face there efforts for her .c;oo;l he crowned witli tlie divine lilossin;.', tliut she may he hrou;;lit to repentance, faiili in the Lord Jesu3, and sound conversion, that the Holy {Spirit may Avitness to her soul that she is horn of God. Go with us to tliy iiouse,and hless the assenihHcs of thy saints tliis day ; may thy ministers he cU)thed witli salva- tion and thv saints shout for iov. Jlev. J. J>. Strong j)reached from 1 Chron. 20 : 5 : " Wlio then is wilUn;:; to consecrate his services this day mito the Lord." After speaking of the character, age, anrethren, that through this man is preached unto yon the forgiveness of sins : And by iiim all that ))elieve are justified from all things, from •which ye could not be justified by the law of Moses." How great is the mercy of God to us, that we have the glorious gospel i)reached in its i)urity. ( ), may it be sanc- tified to the good of every soul. 13//<. — T held a prayer meeting at !Mr. Smiler's ; con- versed with Catharine, avIio seems very desirous to obtain the knowledge of sins forgiven. ( ) Lord, I humbly pray thee to look in mercy upon her, and give her grace, faith, and zeal, and may her resolu- tion be, " Lord, I wii; ''ot let thee go, Until a blessiii'; thou bestow." -'9 From thence I went to Mr. Wm. Ilewet's ; conversed and prayed with Mrs. II. for the last time. She has been four or five weeks very comfortable in her mind, ready and waiting for the summons to come and beckon her away. She said, " When you, iSIr. Wood, and all the people ■will be praising God hero, I shall be praising him among the holy angels in heaven, where I hope we shall all meet to praise him together." 14th. — At two in the afternoon, Mrs. Ilewet, after ex- claiming happy, happy, happy, in the full triumph of faith, took her flight, from Calvary to Zion's height. May the testimony she has left prove a lasting blessing to the family MllS. MAIIY 1!UAI>LI:Y. •Jll aniiig.s on your head." 14^/i. — Rev. Mr. Strong preached from Isaiah So: 10. " And the ransomed of the Lord sliall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads; they sliall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." Bless the Lord, O my soul, for the privilege of the gospel in its purity ; blessed are the people who hear and know the joyful sound. May we prove ourselves to be the true citizens of Zion. May the Captain of our salvation enable us to fight manfully under his banner, and put to flight all our spiritual foes, that we may rejoice in our Redeemer, and be washed from our sins in his blood. In the evening, Rev. E. Wood preached from Acts 17 : 31. — " Recause he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained ; Avhereof he hath given assurance unto all men, in that he hath raised him from the dead." The Lord prepare me for the solemnities of that day, for which all other days were made, and may I be clothed with the robe of righteousness and the gar- ments of salvation. loth. — Another day is gone, never to return ! 0, hast- en that glorious day when all shall know the Lord, from the setting to the rising sun; wben peace and love shall reign in every heart. 16th. — Rev. J. B. Strong preached this evening from Malachi 3 : IG, 17. My soul was trulv dcliiihted to hear Christian communion so highly recommended and enforced by Scripture example. It is the delight of my soul to' 216 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF converse -with Christians upon religious subjects — to tell of my [Savior's love, and invite others to jiurtake \Yith nic of the gospel feast- It has heen a blessed day to my soul ; some texts of Scripture have opened to my mind with clearer light than ever before, praise the Lord, llow gently did the Lord deal with tlie first nations of men, and how gradually did the light of divine revelation discover the great evil of sin, and direct to the propitiatory means of appeasing the divine displeasure, by the sacrifice of innumerable inno- cent creatures, as types and shadows inidcr the law of good things to come. How it ought to humble us as in the dust, to thiidc of the sins of the human family since its commencement, and the vast amount of suffering it has occasioned, not only to millions of animals cruelly and piacidarly, but to myriads of mankind maliciously and wickedly ; but above all, the uidin^ the le inno- law of s as in y since ::;ring it L'llv and ily and gs and sacrifice r right- grace, nd that ;hful in deeply more ; )recious ■who is in her ars de- i empty Ivation. MRS. MARY ERADLEY. 217 Lord, scatter every cloud that veils her mind, and give her to enjoy peace with thee, and the Holy {Spirit the comforter. Rev. E. Wood preached from Colossians 8: 3. — "For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." I thank the Lord for the privilege of hearing that blessed discourse ; it was as marrow and flitness to mv soul. Mav it prove the bread and water of life to my Father's chil- dren, and the means of fastening conviction upon the hearts of sinners. 2bth. — Rev. Mr. Strong preached from Matt. 25 : 10. " And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came ; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage : and the door was shut." With how many faithful gospel sermons, and other means of grace, is this city weekly favored ! ^lay all the people see eye to eye in the Scrip- tural plan of salvation, through our glorious Redeemer. Rev. Mr. Wood preached from Acts 27 : 29 : " Then fearing lest they should have fallen upon rocks, they cast four anchors out of the stern, and wished for the day." A voyage at sea is a beautiful figure of our passage through life, exposed to various peiils and storms. I felt thankful for hearing the word so profital)ly oxpLaincd. " ilay I safely cast my anchor, And patiently wait for tlie day, When winds and storms of sorrow, Shall be forever done away." 28^/i. — Rev. Mr. Strong preached from Romans 12 : 2. " And be not conformed to this world : but be ye trans- formed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God." May I be enabled, with all who sit under the gospel this 19* 218 LIFE AND EXPERIENCK OF day to receive the instructions, admonitions, and invitations so as to be enabled to jiresent our bodies a living sacrifice, hoi/ and acce[)table to (jlod, which is our reasonable ser- vice. Bless thy servant, and crown his labors abundantly. In the evening llev. E. Wood preached from Luke IG : 19, 20. May the word preached this evening have a good effect upon every heart, that the alarm given may lead many souls to, " Shun the dreadful wrath severe, That when thou comest on thy throne, They may witli joy appear." 20th. — Our city has had a serious alarm of fire to-day, and although considerable damage is done, yet nothing more than might have been expected in such a thickly- settled place. Blessed be the Lord, for his kind providence and protection, in this time of danger. • 30^/i. — Mr. Sleep preached from Psalm 109 : 4. " For my love they are my adversaries, but I give myself unto prayer." How delightful to draw nigh and converse with him, in -whom we can place the greatest confidence. heavenly Father, give me the true and living faith, and may I always exercise a praying sfjirit, and have my heart filled with love to thee and all mankind. Bless the labors of all thy sent servants abundantly, that thousands and tens of thousands through the earth may fly to thee as clouds, and as doves to their windows. April 1. — This day the Rev. Mr. Strong delivered to me the Monday night class-book, and the charge of the class. Lord, give me grace and mental ability for the profitable discharge of this important duty, and that the love and piety of the members may be increascvi aoun- dantly, to the divine glory. MRS. MARY BRADLEY". 210 itations icrifice, ,ble ser- idantly. ike IG : e a good id many 3 to-day, nothing thickly- ovidcnce L "For elf unto ;rse with nee. lith, and ny heart tly, that may fly ered to of the for the that the d aijun- 4th. — Rev. E. Wood preached from Revelations 7 : 14 : '• These are they which cauic out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb >> I thank thee, Lord, for tlie season of comfort I enjoyed, while sitting under his Word, and for the supporting grace given to me under past peculiar adlictions and trials. " for a closer wnlk witli Cod, A calm aii(! liciiveiily tVuine ; A liglit to shine upon the roiid, That loads ino to tiie Lamb I" Rev. Mr. Strong preached fi-um Acts 8 : 8. "And there was great joy in that city." May the abundant blessing of God descend upon his ministers, and children in Zion, and his kingdom flourish as the Cedars in Lebanon, and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 0th. — I feel my own weakness and unworthiness ; but pray for divine assistance, that I may be found faith- ful, in whatever, by an unerring Providence I am called to be engaged. I feel much for the welfare of my gRiss, that the work of grace may prosper in their souls, and that it would please the Lord to Enlarge their faith's capai ♦y, Wider, and yet wider still, And then with all that is in him, Their soul's forever fill. ^th. — my blessed Savior, I adore and praise thee for thy condescending attention to prayer, and for liberty of access to the throne of grace ; may I continually feed upon that love, which is sweeter to the soul than honey, or honey-comb to the taste. 220 LIFE AND KXPERTENCE OF 9th. -—Rev. E. Wood ])rcachc(l from 1 retcr 1 : 18, U). " Forasinucli as yo know tliat vc were not redeemed witli corruptible tldu.^s, as silver and i^old, from your vain con- versation received hy traditiun from your fathers ; but "with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb ^vithout blemish and without spot. Noticed the institution of the paschal lamb, the feast of the passover, how the lamb -was killed, a figure of our Savior's being slain to make atonement for us : the blood sprinkled upon the posts of the doors, a figure of our hearts being cleansed, by the sprinkling of the blood of Jesus Christ oar Lord. Rev. Mr. Strong preached in the evening, being Good- Friday, from Luke 23, 33 : "And when they were come to the place "which is called Calvary, there they crucified him." When I consider the infinite condescension of my Re- deemer, his patient submission to the cruelties of mankind, and that he should so suffer for the sins of the fallen race, to satisfy Divine justice by the atonement of his precious blonid, to make us free from the law of sin of death, I fee. humbled and astonished beyond measure, to think, that he has not only paid my debt for sin, to deliver me from future wrath, and the tormenting fear of it ; but through grace has given me a blessed hope of a heavenly inheri- tance ; " Far from a world of grief and sin, With God etemiilly sluit in." I humbly pray that those solemn and impressive subjects may be blessed to all who heard them ; and that in this vinyard, much fruit may be found, and may I experience a lively sense thereof, springing up in my own soul. April 11th. — Rev .Mr. Strong, preached from 1st Epis- 18,1' I. id with in con- s ; but ivithout feast of of our e blood r hearts Jesus 5 Good- [;ome to rucified my Re- ankind, n race, rccious eath, I k, that lie from hrough inheri- MRS. MAllY r.IlADLEY. 2-21 ibjccts I in this krience t Epis- tle of Peter, 1 : 3, 4. "lilesscdbe the God and Fathe f our Lord Jesus Chiist, Avhich, aecordiiig to his abundant mercy, liath boi^otten us a^^ain uuto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ fr< m the dead, to an inherit- ance incorruptible, and niidefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for yo !."' He beautifidly set forth the triumphant hope of the true Christian, and the blessed etfocts j)roduccd by this hope, in the hearts aiid lives of all who possess it. In the evening Rev. E. Wood's text was, " Who is he that condemnctli ? it is Christ that died, yea rather that is risen a;^ain, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us." lie proved the doctrine of the resurrection, by various appears !ices of the Savior to difterent persons, and after blessing them, he was parted from them, and ascended up into heaven. O my heavenly Father, give me more grace, wisdom, understanding, humility, and love ; may I be emptied of self and filled with thee, and prepare me for that glorious resurrection dav. ISth. — Rev. Mr. Strong preached from Matt. 26 : 41. " Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation." He faithfully pressed upon us, this most important duty of watching over our own dispositions, and against every temptation of the adversary. I ]n\ay that I may double my diigence in this and every other duty. 11th. — I visited E. H., a member of my class, whom I felt it my duty to reprove, and after remonstrance, to ad- monish; may he who looked upon Peter, look upon her in like manner. 18th. — Rev. E. Wood, preached from 2 Cor. 6 : 17. 222 LIVE AND KXl'KRIKNCE OP " Therefore, if any man be in Cluist, he is a new creature : old things arc passed away ; beliold, all things are become new." When our souls enjoy spii-itual union with Christ, then we begin to live a life of religion, and notwithstanding the difficulties of the way, and the troubles of life, if our hearts be created anew in Christ Jesus, and we constantly and faithfully fight under his banner, we shall ultimately win the prize for which we contend. In the evening. Rev. J. B. Strong preached from Col. 1 : 27, 28. "To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Cen*'les ; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory : Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man, in all wisdom ; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus." TIiG Lord perfect the work of sanctification, and ripen my soul for that heavenly habitation, where I may behold the face of my Redeemer, and praise his holy name for ever and ever. Amen. Idth. — E. 11. visited me to-day, and manifested a better spirit ; may the work of grace be deepened in her heart, that she may conquer inbred sin, Satan, and the world ; put her feet upon the necks of all her spiritual enemies, and closely follow the Lord all the way to heaven. 20th. — Rev. E. Wood preached from John 15 : 5. Christ is the vine, the Father is the .husbandman, the Christian church are the branches, a beautiful union ! How necessary a grace is faith, and how it behoves us to be importunate at a throne of grace, for the enjoyment of every Gospel blessing. MRS. MAIIY LRADLEY. !c^W }atiirc : become 3t, then ing the if our istantly imately om Col. Avliat is en*^iles ; hom we man, in irfect in id ripen ,' behold lamc for 'csted a in her and the piritual way to 15 : 5. I an, I the in 1 loves us joymcnt 2'^)(l. — Met sister B., at three o'clock, for social con- versation and prayer, and found it very profitable. 2i')th. — Rev. J. B. Strong i)reached from Luke 17 : 32. <'Kemcmber Lot's Wife." May the awful punishment of her disobedience, prove a solemn warniug to us, lest through temptation and weak- ness, we yield to unbelief and hardness of heart and make shipwreck of faith and a good conscience. In the evening, llev. E. Wood preached from Acts 24: 25. " And as he reasoned of righttjousness, temperance, and judgment to come, Felix treml)led, and answered, Go thy way for this time ; when I have a convenient season, I will call for thee." Lord send down upon the assemblies of the people such showers of the Holy S[)irit, tliat their hearts may be soft- ened, their understandings enlightened, and war jdoclaim- ed against all their sins, until a complete victory be won, in the conversion of thousands of precious souls. 2Sth. — Lord, thou scest how I have been tempted this day ; be seech thee give me to feel a constant de- pendence upon thy mercy ; scatter the clouds that veil ray mind, that I may enjoy the constant light of thy reconciled countenance. Come in, thou blessed Savior, and take full possession of my heart, that I may rise under the full in- slampcd image of righteousness and holiness to inherit glory. May all the members of my two classes enjoy the same consolation, with all who love and fear God. 30^/i. — Lord, I feel myself an unworthy and unprofit- able servant ; my heart not so much engaged as I could wish : shed abroad thy love, and quicken me by thy Holy Spirit, and deliver me from all coldness, unbelief, and every hinderance to my intercource with thee. 224 LIFE AND EXPEUIENCE OF 4 Maif 2. — Ilov. E. "Wood, i>roucheJ from Psulin 73 : 28. *' liiit it is irood ibr inc to draw near to (iod." Lord, [ thank tlicc I do know by happy experience that it is a ^^ood tliin<^ to draw near to t)iec ; in doini; so I have found peace, comfort, consolation, and an assurance of pardoned sin. I liave been an i;^norant, guilty sinner before thee, and knew not wliich way to obtain thy favor ; but listening to thy invitations, I took encoura^^ement to draw nigh by prayer, and glory be to thy holy name, it was not labor in vain. I have this day felt my strength renewed like the eagle's, and a fresh deterniinati(jn to run my heavenly race, until I shall arrive safely in the land of everlasting rest. Rev. J. J>. Strong preached from Luke 10 : 42. "l>ut one thing is needful." lie showed there was not any thing that could possibly be obtained of a worldly nature, that could make us liappy in time or eternity, short of true religion. I pray that this interesting discourse may be made a great blessing to the congregation. 4^/i. — This evening Rev. Mr. Brown, a Wcslevanmin- CD ' •* ister from the United States, preached from tliis text : *' Behold I Avill stand before thee there upon the rock." 6t/i. — Enable me, Lord, to cast my care upon thee ; to love thee with all my heart, soul, and strength, and to submit to thy will in all things. "Jth. — Lord, thou secst how much I am like Martha, careful and cumbered with many things ; give me grace to call in all my wandering thoughts, that ray heart may open to thee, that thou mayest come in and abide with me. Wi. — I thank thee. Lord, for the relief afforded to mv soul this day, for the healing balm, the Redeemer's pre- cious b itance. It///. 1 Cor. stead fa the lioi vain ifi preachi. cth, for day, foi Wh. name ol for sjtin out my upon liii fully pr^ Christ n nth. '' Ilim t: Lord, bl ners, th[ til they i waudere that the' hope of 1 nth. journey in my ho let not ^\ my moul in thy si MU3. MARY JUIADLKV. •225 cious Itlood ; for li1)crty, an earnest of \ny licavenly inlicr- itance. U(/i. — This mornin;^ Uov. J. 15. Stron;^ preached from 1 Cur. 1."): 58. *' Therrfore, my heluveiritnal liberty, kind prayin.g friends, f^racc to work out my salvation with fear and tremblin":, and a reliance upon him, that he will not call mc out of this world until fully prepared for a heavenly mansion above, through Jesu3 Christ my Lord and Savior. 'Wth. — Rev, A. Desbrisay preaelied from John : 37. ^' llim that c uiy lu':\rt -■> fur iVuiii tlu>c ? My (!uil. my cliicl" dcli'jlit ; AVliy lire my liinuirlits no nmre with thee ]»y 'hiy ; no mure by ni^i^lit 'i "' 20^//. — Lord, pardon my manifold sins, and cleanse them root and branch from my heart ; fill me with thy love, and restore to mo the joys of thy salvation, that the con- stant lauL'uaLre of mv heart mav be, " Whom have I in ]ieavou i)ut thco ; and there is none on earth I desire in comparison to thee." '21.s•^ — What an unspeakable blessing, to feel an mv shaken confidence in the Lor.l, wlio doeth all thin^is well both in tiuio and in eternity, who cannot possibly err, and under whoso protection I feel })erfectly safe ; whose word is truth, without one mixture of error, and so firm, that not one jot or tittle of it can fail, and those who trust in him, shall be as mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but ab.deth for ever. 'I'ld. — Another week has just past into eternity. I de- sire to be thankful for all past favors, and live for the future more to the divine glor^'. 23t/. — This evening, ^Ir, McLeod preached from Ro- mans 12 : 1. "I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacri- fice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. n " My drowsy power-* why sleep yc so Awake my slii,uj,M*h !-oul ; Notliiiiu: hiUh htiir tliy work to do, Yet nothing 's half so dull." , it 228 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF V .t .."t '.-Tt ISIay the soul-anlmatin.:? truth, so beautifully and in- structively conveyed, be divhiely accomi»anied to the sal- vation of tlie hearers. Send forth the convincing spirit into every heart, and cnligliten their understandings ; storm tlie castle of Satan and sin, and capture their strong- hold ; that truth may vaniiuish error, and righteousness sin ; that a dying ^vorld may acce[)t of a free and full sal- vation, through the blood of the Lamb. 2-\:th. — I thank the Lord for his kindness to me this day, and especially this evening, for his sensible presence among us in the class meeting. Bless the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits. 2ijth. — • Lord continue thy mercies through this short life, to the unworthy -workmanship at thy feet, and at life's last gasp, receive me to thyself, to praise thy holy name for ever and ever. Amen. 2i)th. — This day has been a time of trial. Satan has shown liis craftiness in tcm[)ting those who are dear to me, to throw some of his fiery darts at me, and although slightly wounded, I am not slain. Thanks be to the Lord who is all-sufficient, upon whose promises I rely, for strength according to my day. How long, Lord, shall sin and Satan reign over the souls of mankind ? Look with pity upon that immortal spark, which can never be annihilated, nor ever happy, short of a union with thee, by faith in the blood of the Lamb. 2St/i. — Holiness becomes thy house, Lord, for ever ; cleanse me from all sin. Why this dull and lifeless frame ? Stir me up to greater diligence, and give me to eat of that living lu'cad which comcth down from heaven, and drink of that living water, that I may never thirst after tlic vo' : ties of this world. MUS. MARY DRADLEY. 229 and i li- the sal- f sjiirit ulhigs ; stroiig- :ovisncss full sal- mc this )rL'Scnce A, ') uiy his short I at life's ■Ay name «atan has \r to mc, a sli;^htly m ^vhosc the souls jal spark, I, short of (amb. for over ; Is frame ? it of that ind (Iri)ik the YO'.i 2dth. — Another week lias gone into eternity. Blessed he the Lord, though he knows nwwcakness, unworthincss, and negligence in his service, and how much time is spent in worldlypursuits, yet hitherto he has brought mc in safe- ty ; may I return to Iiiin continually, just as I am, for all the blessings 1 reipiire, that I may glorify him, in all I think and do. Wfh. — This morning, Ticv. A. ^NlcXutt, preached from John o : 11 ; " Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of Cod!" I thank the Lord, that upon a strict examination, I have a well grounded hope, that 1 am his child by adopting grace, and 1 can look up to him with confidence, through Jesus Christ my Savior. l^vodiiij. — Rev. A. McXutt preached from ]\Latt. 16 : 2o. "• For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul ? or what shall a man give in cxcluinge for his soul ? " The discourse was solemn and weighty ; may the Lord apply it to every heart, that sinners realizing their danger, may seek the Lord with all their heart. June 1. — This evening, Mr. D. preached from John 10 : 27. "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." licfore I ilrcw tlic vital breatli, Tlie Lamb lor me liiil sullcred death. May I be enabled by a well ordered life and conversa- tion to show, that I am one of his sheep ; that I hear his voice, miderstand it in every respect, and follow him closely. 20* 230 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF H M Gth. — This morning, llcv. J. Ilcncgar, preaclicd from 1 Chron. 4 : 10. " And Jahcz called on tlio (Jod of Israel, savinir. Oh that thou wouldest hlcss mc indeed, and enlarire my coast, and that thine hand mi^^ht be with me, and that thou -wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me ! And God granted him that which he reijuested." Lord, grant that the pra^Tr of Jabez may be the prayer of every soul on earth ; that all may call upon the God of Israel, iu faith, nothing doubting ; that his hand may be open to supply every human want. In the evening, lie v. J. llenegar preached from Mark 1 : 40, 41. " And there came a leper to him, beseeching liim, and kneeling down to him and saying unto him, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean." " And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and sailh unto him, I will, be thou clean." The leper figuratively represents the polluted state of all Adam's posterity. As the blessed Savior cured all who came to him while he was on earth ; so now, he has power to forgive sin, and to cleanse from ail unrighteousness, all who, like the leper, humbly approach him. I thank the Lord, who, in tender mercy, opejied the eyes of my understanding, and discovered to me my exceedingly polluted state by nature, and directed me to the cleansing efficacy of the Redeemer's blood ; and that he appeared to me altogether lovely, taking away the burthen of my sin, and removed my guilty fears, and implanted in mc a new nature, so that I rejoiced exceedingly in the God of my salvation. 8th. — The Rev. J. B. Strong preached from Ps. 103 : MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 231 15. " As for man, liis davs are as grass : as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth." Under tlie sermon, I was much impressed with a sense of the brevity of human life, infirmit}', and death ; and pray that I may as rajtidly grow in grace, and ripen for 'lorv. o lOfh. — Blessed be the Lord for what he is doing, in Ijringing souls to himself. The signs of the times speak his coming near. May my heart be all a heaven. 12th. — Lord, I thank thee for thy special favor this day, in giving me such a gracious answer to prayer. 13M. — Rev. E. Wood preached from Job 14 : 14. "All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come." Lord enable me to live in a constant preparation for death, to live every day a if it were my last, as both the time and mode of departure, are matters of such entire suspense. Death is the last of all our earthly foes ; but Jesus the compieror reigns, and through him we have a shield to quench the rage, and drive the alien army back. Deeply eustamp thy lovely, holy image on my heart, that I mav live to thv iilorv. llev. J. B. Strong preached from ^vFatt. 3 : 1, 2. "In those days came Juhn the Bajitist, preaching in the wil- derness of Judea, and saying, repent ye ; for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand." It appears that all mankind have fallen in Adam, and inherit a fallen nature, llepentance is necessary on our part, for we have no promise of pardon Avithout it, and faith in the great atonement, as the only medium of God's mercy to guilty man ; and now the gospel oifors a free, 23-2 LIFE AND EXI'EIUEXCE OF full, and eternal salvation to all, ^vlio will seek him witli their ;Yholo heart. He givos tlio jiraro, lils jinwiM- to move, U \vuiulrou« pnu'C, boundlos.^ love I June 2()fh, 18:]0.— Ilev. 8. Bushy preached from 1 Tim. () : G. " JJut ifodlincss with contentment is irreat miin." The suhject was introduced hy a few remarks ujion the efforts made hy the Judaizin^ teachers, atnal^amating the law and the gospel, in order more effectually to mislead ; teaching that gain Avas godliness, hy the addition of the word contentment, (or as Dr. Macknight has it, com- petency,) the Apostle has transposed the error into a blessed gospel truth. The text was divided as follows : 1st. Defining the term. 2d. Explaining its iiature. od. 8ho\Ning its advantages. The definition of the term godliness, was represented by a little argumentation to mean, right worship : the explana- tion of which followed, implying, light in the mind ; recti- tude in the conscience ; zeal in the heart ; sacrifice in the life. Its advantages, great gain, Avere exhibited by way of comparison. Whatever might be understood by gain, arising from office, honor, and emolument, was shown to result from godliness, in all its amplitude, enjoyment, and pcr})etuity. The application of the subject consisted in pointed inter- rogatory, as to the possession, enjoyment, and practice of godliness being absolutely necessary to entitle us to the enjoyment of heaven, and a glorious resurrection to eternal life. Glory be to God who has introduced his word and Avor- ship among us ; may the word be blessed to all Avho sat MRS. MARY r.RADLEY. 233 with Tim. ?om- jternal (1 ^vol•- [lio sat under the sound of it ; may I possess god-likeness, Avor- sliip iiim aright, he content in every state, realize the gain of godliness here, and liereai'ter forever. Kov. W. Smithson preached from Luke 1 "> : 7. "I say unto you, that likewise joy shall he in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons which need no rejientancc. AVhat encouragement to rei)entance is here aflforded, in addit'on to all the advantages which accrue to ourselves ; deliverance from sin and misery, pardon and holiness : it occasions joy amoni: the heavenly hosts to witness the increase of the Savior's kingdom, the downfall of Satan's power, and (Jod honored in the display of his mercy, grace, and love. Ride on in thy gospel chariot, thou con(jueror of the nations, until all shall have bowed themselves to thy peaceful sceptre. 22tZ. — Rev. W. Sinitlison preached from Rom. 14 : 17. " The kingdom of (lod is not meat and drink ; but right- eousness, peace, ami joy in the Holy Ghost." God has provided for the wants of the body, and it is a great blessing to enjoy competency : but he has likewise am})ly provided for the soul, and blessed arc they who hun;rer and thirst after righteousness, for thev shall he filled. The blessings named in the text were shown to bo suitable, atid necessary for an immortal soul, and without them the soul cannot be happy : righteousness, opposing all sin, peace, supi>lanting all enmity, and rebellion against God ; joy, removing all sorrow, pure, spiritual, eternal joy. what will heaven, the kingdom of God above un- fold, where peace will flow like a river, and righteous- ness as the waves of the sea ? 234 LIFE AND EXPKIUEN'CK OF ift i; i ^ ' j ^ 1 ■■y " " There wc sluill hatlio our woury pdiiI-j III -cii* (if lii'iivi'iily vo-t AikI not !i \v;ivo (if trnnlilo roll, AiMMss our [iriiccl'iil broii.-t." 2otJi. — It U our Heavenly Fatlicr's good pleasure to give us the kiugdoni. All the prouiiscs in Christ Jesus, 'ire yea and amen, to those who believe in him. May I enjoy a daily manifestation of his love, that I may drink- constantly of the strej.ms of his grace, which make glad the city of God. 26fh- — The enemy of souls is very hu^y, and having access to the carn;i!lv-minded, he sets them to work to oppose good, slander religion, and tlierehy aiTect and injure weak minds. The Lord defends his own, and can bring liiiht out of darkness, and i^'ood out of seeming evil. "o : 1 . me \\\), ; mercy nv tern- he has lessons |id pray my de- le my lirone, '' Say pleas- k1 turn lur evil wliat ii j lire 'lie riilic> we nil shall \vo;ir, And crdwiis tqidii our luvuls. !29^A. — Rev. E. Wood preaehed from John 14:0. " ][e that hath seen rae hath seen the Father." jNIay I entertain clear views of the plan of salvation, and a satisfactory evidence of my enjoyment of gospel salvation. The Lord's truth is my sliield ami buckler. May my mind he well fortified, and my hope well grounded. Jtdi/ 1. — I praise the Lord for having brought me thus far on my heavenly journey, and that I feel encouraged to press on toward the mark, for the prize of my high calling of God in Christ Jesus. }Ja_y the Lord look mercifully uyion my companion, un- der all his infirmity of body and mind ; may he confide in divine willingness and ability for present and everlasting salvation, and may his momentary aftlictions work out f jr Inm a fir more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. •3'/. — '■ Why should my foolisji passions rove V Where can such sweetness bo, As I have tasted in thy love, As 1 have found in thee V " May I never forget thy mercies, but may my heart continually glow with gratitude and love, and a warm desire for tlie increase of thy kingdom ; bless the missionaries of the cross, and crown their labors with suc- cess, all over the habitable eartli ; that many souls may be born of God. In a particular manner, bless this city ; 23G LIFE AND KXPERIKNCE OF give US liearing ears and understandiii;^ hearts ; and pre- pare us to receive tliv holy sacrament to-morrow, and may tlie woi'd lull with irrosistilde j)o\vcr upon the lu'arts of tliose wlio liear. 4//!. — Tlie religious exercises commenced with a prayer meeting at six in the morning. A heavy thunder-storm Avith lightning, and torrents of rain, continued, and detained us until wq retired to the chapel at 11, ■when the Rev. J. It. Strong preached from Isaiah 12 : 1. "0 Lord, I will j)raise thee : though thou vast angry "with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedst me. Blessed be the Lord, for the sweet peace of mind I often feel, the blooming hope springing up in my soul of eternal rest. llev. E. ^Yc h\ preached from Jer. 9: 21. "But let liim that ";lorieth dorv in tliis, that he understandeth and knoweth me, tliat I am the Lord which exercise loving kindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth : for in these things I deliglit, saith the Lord." May the constant language of my heart be, " Whom have I in heaven but tliee. God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever." I admire and adore the divine bounty, in giv- ing the Son of his love to redeem us from sin and misery ; that through the atonement made, God can justify the pen- itent believer from all sin, and still be just ; because of mercy, in which he delights, as Avell as judgment and righteousness, Avhich have been exercised in the grand economy of saving f;illen man. 6tJi. — This evening llev. J. B. Strong preached from Titus 2 : 10. " That they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior in all things." May this excellent exhortation iuo I he grano .1 3hed from |ne of God Ixhortation be a word in season to us all : that \\c may live sobcrlv, righteously, and godly in this evil world, imitating the iinital»le perfections of the adorable Redeemer. 0///. — How many are thv mercies to usward ; how little return do we make. How short the time ; how swiftly the moments roll. (), may I improve them, and employ my talents so as to bo ready at a moment's notice, whenever the summons shall come. lOfh. — How mysterious are the wavs of Providence. I have just heard of the sudden death of a young woman, who was previously in usual good health ; but droi)])ed down and instantly cxjured. This is the third sudden death this week. May these solemn warnings be duly con- sidered. " Iliipjty tlio souls to Josus joined, And siived \>y pnifc alone ; Wiilkinrcin all His ways tlicy find 'I'lieir \i uvea on earth begun." 11^/^ — This morning Mr. A. McLeod preached from Josh. 24 : 1.3. " Choose ye this day whom ye will serve." "What a great evil is indecision ; how many it keeps out of the ark of safety. 0, that every individual may determine like Joshua, " As for mo and my house we Avill serve the Lord." Rev. W. Murray preached from Isaiah GO: 1. " Arise, shine, for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen uj)on thoe." "What is there so desirable to the eye as light ? and what to all creation so animating as the ravs of the sun ? and what so desirable to an awakened con- science, as the light of God's reconciled countenance man- ifested to the soul ? Our blessed Savior came a light into 21 238 i-iri-: AM) i;\i'i;iai:Nti-: of V. tlic world, tliat whusoovor IjcHuvctli iii liiin should not wfdk iii darkness ; Imt should liavo the li^dit of \\[\). I .lohii 1 : ."), <), 7. '" This then is tho nicssa'^u which no have heartl of hiin, and declare unto you, that (lod is li^ht,and in him is no darkness at all. If wo say that wo have i'el- lowship with him, and walk in darkness, wo lie, and do not the truth : JJut it' wc walk in the lii^ht, as he is in the li.i^ht, wc have fellowshi[) one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleansi'th us from all sin." Li^^ht is not only desiraldo, hut |trofitaMe; as no reli- irion can he eniovcMl without this siiiritual liifht. Without the natural sini, there could ho no permanent livelihood {\)V man or beast ; so without tho sun of righteousness, there could bo no lile or consolation in the sovds of men. The admonition of the text is given to tho church of God, to " Arise and sliine, for her light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon her."' 'i'he pro[)hecy was ful- iilled at the resurrection and ascension of our blessed Savior, and when tho Holy Spirit fell upon the apostles and those who were assembled with them. It was a glorious dav. CD y li)f/i. — The Lord has been shaking his rod over us by threatenings of a vcrv serious kind ; but slionld he ^-ivc us to feel the heavy stroke, wc must subuiit and own it just ; for wo have sinned against him, and have provoked him in ten thousand v.ays, and acknowledge our sins and trans- gressions as in dust before him. May ho remove his judg- ments and }iardon our sins. \\Sth. — Lord, how groat are thy mercies to us un- Avorthv creatures; mavmv heart be raised with a grateful sense of thy goodness ; bo merciful to our unrlghtcoasncss, and blot our sins out of the book of tliy remembrance ; give us faith to hang witliout fear upon thy promises. y\n:<. MAiiY nuAiM.nv. li.'JO lot wfilk I John ivo have ;^ht,{iuil Kivc icl- d do not lie li.L^lit, jlood of no roli- WitliDut volihood ousnc3S, of men. of God, ho 'Aovy was i'ul- l Savior, id those s dav. T US by ' give \u it j\ist ; d him in d ti-ans- lisjudg- U3 un- grateful oasucss, brance ; >C3. ITM. — I*1oss(m1 be the Lord for anotlior davof'fle." A ])enefactor }ilaccd in autlionty, whose cars are always open and attentive to the cries, -wants, and distresses of the afHicted, is a friend tliat sticketh closer tlian a hrotlicr. How it woidd rend the heart of a teinler parent, to licar the groans, si,u"hs, and pleadin;:: cries, of children in distressed circumstances, and had it not in his power to relieve them, \\'ould lie turn a deaf ear to their cries ? Xo, surely ; can a mother foriiet her sucldiuLr child ? Yes, she mav for;i;ct, yet will I remember thee, saith the Lord. It would be well to consider the love and jaty which influenced om* Redeemer to move foi'ward in obedience to his Heavenly Father, to put himself in a capacity to sufl'er the penalty of a broken law for us, that we might be freed from the curse. 3 : five " The Gtnl of Idvc, to ofirth lio (Mine, Tliiit you niiplit come to Ih'iuch, P.t'licvo, hclicvc in J<>sii>' iiiiiiic, Ami !ill your ^iiis Ibrgivon." I visited Mrs. Ray, and found her happy in the Lord ; spent the night with her ; it Avas a cordial to my mind, to witness the gracious dealings of CJod uith her soul ; her language indicated she was ripenmg for heaven. Siic would speak in short sentences, " In what a sweet and liappy frame do I feel I My soid Is fdled with joy unspeak- able and full of glory I AVhat a ha}i]iiness, to be a follower of the meek and lo-wly Jesns I 0, I feel that the precious blood of Christ hath washed away all my sins, and soon I shall be, " Far from a world of p-riof nml sin, With God eternally shut in." 2V 242 LIFE AND EXPEIVIKNCE OF It had been for some time expected, that everj day would have ])een her last : however, she revived, and went out several times, and continued in a lingering state, better and worse, in a happy state of mind, until June U), 1881, when in the full triumph of faith, she departed this life, in the 35th year of her age. In the last attack of her disorder, she exclaimed, '' happy woman I I am going, my days are ended. death where is thy sting ? grave, where is thy victory V Thanks be to God, who givetli us the victory, through our Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed are the dead, who die in the Lord, yea saith the spirit, that they may rest from their labors." that such a happy lot may be mine ; that I may live the life and die the death of the righteous, and that my last end may be like hers. 2'1/A. — Wiien I cons'der the goodncs? and mercy which liave followed me through life ; what shall I render to the Lord for all his mercies ? But when I consider my own life, marked with so many imperfections and blunders ; if the Lord were strict to mark my misdoings, and deal with me accordingly, I could not stand justified before him : but glory be to his holy name, that he has found out a ransom, and laid help upon one who is mighty to save. The Lord look in tender j)ity upon my afliicted companion ; sanctify his afflictions, and apply the virtue of thy precious blood, a healing balm to his soul ; that he may feel the joy of [lardoning love spring up in his heart, and be willing to suffer all thy righteous will. 25M. — Rev, E. AVood preached from 1 John 3 : 3. " And every man that hath this hope in him, purifieth himself even as he is pure." Purity and holiness signify the same thing. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 243 In the evening, I was detained from the house of God, on account of my husband's indisposition, who was taken ill on Saturday night. AVhcn Dr. ]>ayard was sent for, he said inflannnation had set in, and means were used to prevent mortification. 26th. — Mr. Ji. is a little easier, but verv weak. As I know not what God has designed iu the order of his provi- dence for us, I trust he will give us patience under the affliction ; and if he sees fit to cut off my earthly comfort, I can but own it just, as his strokes have been fewer than my sins, and lighter than my deserts. May he have clear views of the way of righteousness, and partake largely of the blessing of gospel salvation. 21(h. — I continue to labor under suspense, and great anxietv of mind, concerniniz mv dear companion. I know the T rd will do right, and if he sees fit to call him from thio ■ f tears, I trust it will be to share the heavenly rest, " ..ic the inhabitants shall not say, they are sick. 2Sf/i. — I thank the Lord for s]'aring mercy, and some hope of recovery, as the inilammation is rather checked. I hope this dangerous attack will stimulate every power and faculty of the soul, to attain a preparation to meet the Lord, in the first, second, or third watch. ^dtli. — Thank the Lord, he has lengthened out the brittle thread of life. May we lay passive in his hand, and know no will but his. »'30M. — I have much to be thankfid for; my husband is in a fair way of recovering his usual health. May we aim at the divine glorv in all things. S\st. — Since the fifteenth of the month, the wcatlier, for the season, has been extremely clear and warm, most part of the time. How favorable is this for the agriculture •244 LIFE AXD EXPKRTEXCE OF or the country. Blo^s mj, ovon mo also, my Father, with tlic bles.-'hiirs of tlio new and everlastinfi; covenant that I may " Trr:iil tlli- Wn'.-lil hiMlflUll my I'l'i't, Ami i'.H till' cui'tli (vills ;;'iiiiil (iv u-i'cat.'' ]\ray the grand enemy of my soul be CMiqnered, self- sub(hied, the reign of Divine government obeyed, my nn- Avorthy petitions answered, fm* myself, my husband, rela- tives, religious connections, and all mankind, for the alone sake of Jesus Christ my Lord. AiujuHt Int. — Detained again from the public means of grace. May the refreshing dews of heavenly influence descend upon my soul, as ruin upon the meadows newly mown, that I may cheerfully travel on, with songs of joy, the church of the first born to join. Zd. — The blessed Jesus was a man of sorrows, and ac- quainted with griti, which he bore for us. Amazing love ! How he travelled in the greatness of his strength, sneaking in righteousness, mighty to save. May I cast my care upon him, for the body, the soul, the church, and the w^orld ; because he does all things well. 4ith, — This evening's paper announced the death of Ilis Majesty George the Fourth. Thus the king of terrors, is the terror of kings ; laving them low, like the poorest peasant. ISo discharge in this war. i>t]i. — Praise the Lord, for the refreshment of the body by sleep, and food, and for the comforts of the soul ])y his grace, and holy word, which I enjoyed to-day, while meditating on the seventh verse of the flrst of Revela- tions : " Behold, he comcth Avith clouds ; and every eye shall sec him, and they also which pierced him : and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him." MRS. MAllY BRADLEY. '2io the soul rhilo -ela- What a solemn thought ; that he ^vho was once a habo in Bethlehem, persecuted, sot at nought, put to death hy the Jews, will ap{)ear in the clouds, with thousands of his saints, to be admired in all those Avho believe. 1th. — Lord, I return thee hearty thanks for all thy favors, temporal and spiritual. Prone to cling to my earthly comforts, and loath to part with them, though strength according to my day is promised. May 1 sur- render my little all to thee ; little indeed that I have a right to claim as my own. What have I, that thou didst not give ? Surely then, I have no right to withhold, when the proper ovrner makes the demand. To give up myself, soul and body, with all my earthly enjoyments, is but my reasonable service. In each adverse, as prosperous event, my melting Avill must passive rest. Sth. — Once more privileged with an opportunity of ap. pearing in the house of prayer, llcv. E. Wood preached from 1 John 3: 1. "Beliold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God." Love forms the most happy union that subsists cither in heaven or on earth ; it is the very es- sence and fountain from which all our domestic and rcli gious comforts arc derived. Love to God and man, on our part, is the fulfilling of the law. I pray that this pure love may be more abundantly shed abroad in my heart ; that I may partake more largely of the happiness enjoyed among the inhabitants of the upper world, and that I may possess an abiding witness that I am sealed with the Holy Spirit to the day of redemption. Qth. — I bless the Lord for the sweet composure of mind I enjoy this day, and for Jesus Christ to save a guilty 24() LIFE AND EXPERIEXCK OF ■world ; sinners of deepest dve, if they become penitent, may find i)Urdon through the merits of hi.s blood. I thank thee for the privilege of a preached gos})el, and the many nicanj of gi'uco I enjoy ; prayer meetings and class meet- ings ; important helps to believers, and a great blessing to cn(piiring penitents. 1^)l/i. — Thy mercies arc new every morning and eve- ning, and great is thy faithfulness towards us, thy unwor- thy cicaturcs. I thank thee that my dear companion is S[)ared. I })ray thee to prepare both him and mc for thy good pleasure. l^tli. — ?^ray I cleave closer and closer continually to him whom my soul loveth, that I may 1)C strengthened by his gracious hand to ^vatch and }>ray, for " rronc to wamlor, \,r,\;\ I fc,.] it, rniiit' \n lc:i\-(' tlic (}>><[ I love ; IIcit'- my lu'arf, take and soal it, Seal it tor tliv courts aliove." I desire to cast myself at the feet of Jesus ; plead his fulness, worthiness, fdthfulness, and trust in his atonement for acceptance into his kingdom. 12//!. — our Uod, be [)leased to give us grace and "wisdom, and an understanding heart ; enlighten our minds in the knowledge of Christ, and renew our strength that ■we may mount up "with Avings as eagles, run and not be ■wearv, walk and not ftiint. loth. — "What a solemn thought that every idle word •we speak, nnist be accounted for at the day of judgment : " Wherefore seeing that all these things shall be dissolved, ■what manner of persons ought we to bo, in all holy conver- .Mils. MAUV i;kadj.i:v 24' sation and godliness." May avc gird up the loins of our mind, be sober, and watch unto the end. uig to " JldW >[\\\' iiiui .-cc'uri' ;irr lli''y, ^\'lll) (Ul t!l(' Li'iMul Slu'lilicril l-i'ly ; Ho pivos tlu'iii out strcnutli I'nr tlair day, And evil they never sluiU see." 1-1///. — Anotlier day is gone, and -we arc yet ahvc. 0, may "we live to thy ghj' ' !ind whether our time be lung or short, devoted to 'y Se 'jc, and ourselvc. ^-.epared for thy right hand. l')th. — The Lord bless the assemblies of his peo})le to- day ; may the ministers l>e clothed with righteousness ; their hearts indite irood matter ; their ton'j;ues as the i)en of a ready writer ; their words go from the heart and reach every heart under the soiuid tliereof, and as good seed, sown ujMJU good ground, spring up and bring forth to the honor and 'Aory of thv i.n"eat name. IjIcss those who are indisposed, and not able to attend public means ; be better than means unto them. iNlav tliv lovelv iuiaifc be en- stamped on my heart, and the breathings of my soul a constant jiantir.g afcer tliy likeness ; that sin, Satan, and my stubborn will mav 1)C bv irrace complotelv conquered. I desire cheerf all v to submit to the arran'j;ements of Prov- idence, and if a'i;rceable to thv liolv will, rebuke the disor- der I feel creeping on me, and restore me to wonted health. This evening I sat under the divine shadow with great delight, and the frnit was sweet to my taste, while llcv. E, Wood preached from llov. 1 : 10. '• I was in the Spirit on the Lord's day." John Avas the beloved disci- ple, and was favored with the privilege of literally leaning upon the Savior's 1)rcast, when he Avas on earth ; con^e- 248 LIFE AND EXl'ERIll.NXE OF qucntly lie was more hated by the enemies of Clirist, who persecuted him and sou;^ht liis hfe ; he was accused be- fore tlie Emj)eror Domitian of Ijoing a public subverter of the established reli^^iou of the em))ire, being conveyed in chains to Jlomc, by the decree of this barbarous tyrant. lie was thrown into a caldron of boiling oil, but the Lord was pleased in a miraculous manner to preserve him. "What an evident mark that those who trulv love the Lord, are willing to suftcr for his sake, and how evident it is, that he does not forget tlie labors and sufferings of his children. Our blessed Savior was pleased to reveal him- self to this eminent disciple after his ascension, in a most glorious manner. 2'2d. — Lord, thou knowest my down-sitting, and my \ip-rising, and art acquainted Avith all my ways. Thou knowest the exercise of my mind, and the weight of anx- iety which presses upon me, for the salvation of thy ser- vant. As far as the east is from the west, remove his transgressions from him. ]\Liv the eve of his mind be fixed upon the great atonement, that he may be justified by faith, and draw living water with joy from the wells of sal- vation. 23c?. — Blessed be the Lord for the comforts of the past day. He who keeps Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps ; but watches over and directs all the affairs of individuals and nations. The funeral procession of George the Fourth has been exhibited to-day ; may Iiis successor rule in righteousness as well as in power, and be a nursing father to the nation ; allow liberty of conscience, that every one may worship under his own vine and fig-tree witliout fear. ^•ith. — The coronation of Kin«; William has made a MRS. MARY KRADLKY. 249 t, ^vllo Hid bc- rtcr of ycd ill tyrant, c Lord c him. 3 Lord, it it is, I of his al him- a most and my Thou of anx- hv scr- ovc his 3C fixed ed hy of sal- IV ic past sleeps ; iduals Four til rule in I father 3ry one Lit fear. nadc a part of the various transactions of tlio iidiahitants of tho city. It was announced in the love-feast this evening, that Rev. E. Wood had received his appointnie'it to return to St. Kitts. I feel much for him. 26(11. — Another day is gone into eternity, -with a true account of all things that are done under the sun. When I consider the extent of judgment, my thoughts, »^'ords, and deeds, ^vith all my privileges and talents, moral and reli- gious reijuiremcnts, I am ready to say. How shall I stand before a God so pure, wise, and righteous ? I could not answer for one of a thousand of my offences ; but "Jesus' blood, tlirouah earth nml skies, ^leiry fire, hininiUess lueiry cries." His soul for my soul, his body for my body, he has borne my pain, shame, and sorrow, and by his stripes I am healed. He was crowned with thorns, that I might be crowned with ^lorv. Augii4 'lOth, LSoO. — Rev. J. B. Strong preached from Job 23 : 10. " Rut he knoweth tlie wav that I take : When he liath tried mo, I shall come forth as gold." Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgcth every son whom he rcceiveth. Notwithstanding Job's trials, he mildly observed, " Shall we receive good at the hand of the Lord, and not evil ? " Our blessed Lord said it was through much tribulation we should enter the kingdom. Thcrefurc we may safely conclude, that sanctified afflictions are Vossings in dis- guise. Rev. S. JoU preached from Job 14 : 10. " But man dieth and wastethaway, yca,man givcth up the ghost, and where is he? " 22 250 LIFE AND i:XPi:UIl,Ni.'M OF Mankind beln,i:; ;:^cncrally convinced that they must die, renders it nnnecessary to prove tlie fact : but to ))riu^ cer- tain truths to view, in order to iuijiress tlic mind \villi the su)»ject. J)cath, when e<»rnuiissioned, will take no denial, or any excuse whatever : Jle will not he hiihed tor silver, nor ^"old, nor lor a kingdom, lie will not be conquered by stren;_'th, by eunnin;^, nov by lli,L:ht. He will not be daunted by the poor, nor the rich, nor the great men of the eartli ; for what mean these emblems of mourning? "Why, death lias been making his ravages, and boldly as- cended the throne of our I'ightful sovereign, pointed his dart, and he has fell a victim ! Alas, kings and all the nobles of the land must die, as avoH as those of the least notice, for death is no respecter of persons. Look, O Lord, in tender pity, upon all ranks, and con- ditions of mankind ; solemnly im})ress their minds with a sense of their condition, that they must exist in happiness or misery to all eternity, and assist them to work out their salvation, through faith in the blood of the Lamb, who hath " Spent his life, and spilt lii^- lilood, To liriii:: u< rebels iiear to (Jod." ol.s"^ — llov. S. Joll ])rcached from Psalm 23 : 1-4. " Tlie Lord is my shepherd ; I shall not want. " lie makutli me to lie down in the green pastures : ho leadeth me beside the still waters. " He restoreth my soul : he leadeth me in the paths of riLrhteousness for his name's sake. " Yea, though I walk through the valley of the sliadow of death, 1 will fear no evil : for thou art with me ; thv rod and thy staff they comfort mc." MKS. .MARY UUADLKV. 2ol tScj'tcmUr \.st,lSoO. — 'ihis day, I am sixty years of a,L,'e. How nuinorous aro t!iy mercies, Lird ; if I wuuM declare and s|icak of them, tiiey are mure than can he nnmhercd. W'liat returns can 1 make to thee fur such favors 'r iSurely goodness and mercy have folK)Wcd mc all the days of my life. Tliou hast made nie t!iy peculiar caro frora my youth up, and even to old a-(«, thy hand has hcen with me, to hlcss me in my haskct and st(-re, with kind friends and a ^.^oodly hcrila-v. My soul has bt-en hivorcd wilh m;iny religious privileges, spiritual consolalions, and hajipiness, such as, " The world csiii ii'ltlior ^ivo or (k'^tmy, Tlu' lic;irt-l'i'lr >uiisliiije, Tlie siiulV^ ('ull Jiiy." -1//'. — I !!ni another Avcek's journey near my eternal home. I would interrogate my own heart : Am 1 another week's journey nearer to my llcavenly Father's kingdom ? i)o I feel a hright evidence of my acceptance ? AVIiat is the gromid of uiy ho|)c ? Help me to examine myself; search my heart to the bottom ; give me a true discovery of myself, that I may lean Ufion no arm hut thine; destroy all self-dc} endence, lukewarmness, and dead fornudity. htli. — Jlev. Jv. Williams preached from John T : o7. " In the last day, tliat great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying. If any man thirst, let him come unto mc and drink." Rev. S. JoU preached in the evening, from Psalm 2:12. " Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and yc perish from the way." 252 l.IFK AM) KXPKKIKNC'K OF Lord ]>1(!SJ? mo tlii-; dav with the tokens of thy love ; iniiy I read my tilhi clear, to ^^dorious mansion?} in the sky. I would not ;.'n)vel on earth, like thos elittle in.scct.s which arc afraid of the lii^ht ; l)ut soar aloft like the ca;^le ; the lii,L;hcr she rises, the greater her delight, because she feels the warming influence of the sun. ^th. — Lord enahle mo to olfcr a tribute of praise, for thy sparing mercies, though I am utterly unable to make suit- able returns : but thio is my comfort and hope, tliat when I shall SCO thee as thou art, thou wilt enable me to praise tliee as I ought. " Wliat tlifuiks I owo tlioo, Jind wliat lovo ! A l)iiiiiiillt'>s, ciiilless store, Sliall ccIk) tlin)ii;;h tlio roaliiis above, Wlu'ii time sliall be no more." 10///. — Lord, enable me to ju'csont my petition in such a spirit of faith, and frame of mind, that thou wilt hear and answer my prayer. Thou knowest the anxiety of mind which I feel for the salvation of that jirecious soul ; break the snare of Satan, enable him to repent, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and set his soul at liberty ; make him happy in thy love, give him a comi)lete victory over the world, the flesh, and the devil. Let him not go down to his grave in his sins, since Jesus hath died to save ; pluck him as a brand from the burning, and save his soul from everlasting misery. Have pity upon all mankind ; may they fly to Jesus as a cloud, and as doves to their windows. 12fh. — Rev. J. B. Strong preached from Ps. 31 : 19. " Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up MILS. .MAIIV J;ilAl)i.i:Y. '2r>^ lor tlu'iu tliiit four tliee ; which tliou hast wrought lor thetn that tnist in thoo heforo tlio S!jii,-< of men ! " Ilt'v. ;<. JoU itiviichod from Prov. 4:7. " Wisdom is the |itiiicij>;il thiin'; ihoivforc ^et \vi.s(h)m." Tlio Lord en;il)l'.' us to receive this proHtuMc instruction, Willi mucli in-iititudo to tlie autlior of \vi.sdom, and seek it with all e)ur hearts. "If any man lack v.isdom, l.'t him ask it of (Jod, wlio ^iveth to all men liherally, and u[i1)raidet!i not."' The he_:;iimin'j; of wisdom is the f-arof the Lord, and to depart from evil is under.standiii^i^. Give us that wisdom which comctli down fron: ahcvo, thai; U peaceahle, pure, identic, easy to he euLreatetl, full oi' mcrc7, and iroi^d fruits. Mav wc emhracc and lovo thee contimiallv, have a simile eve to thv dorv', continue instant in prayer, act fiitli u[>on the })reeiou3 prc^misos, feed upon divine truth with avidity ; in so doing, we should escape many snares and tem{)tation.s, for Satan cannot en- dure a prayinii; heart, warm with the lovo of God ; ho comes to tempt ; hut this spirit of (h'votion disarms him. May we he so arnu'd with rigliteousiicss, hoth on tho right hand and on the K'ft,t]iat we may jMit to Hightail our spiritual foes, througli him who loved ns, and gave himself for us. Heard this mornins: of the melancholv ^tatc into which France is thrown bv a rebellion. May those who survive tliC dreadful slaughter, seek that wisdom which will enable them to sjuido their alfairs with discretion, Avalk in the paths of virtue, and live in peace and quietness on the earth. I thank the Lord for his kindness to my dear compan- 22 oo* 254 LIFE AXD EXPERIE.VCK OF ion, who lias walkeil with me to tlie house of prayer to-day, the fii'st time .since his protracted sickness. 14:th. — Was iletaiucd at the loaders' meeting to hear Rev. J. ]j. Strong account for some dilficnlties which had arisen cut of the aj)pointment of l?ov. S. Joll, from the West Indies, to this circuit, Rev. E. Wood being unwill- ing to return to the West Indies ; ))ut concluded to take liis departure for London, to arrange the matter with the Missionary counnittce. May love to God and precious souls, he the ruling princi})le, and the advancement of the divine ;:lorv, the constant aim of these eminent ministers of tlic Lord Jesus, in all their movements, that many souls may be saved through their instrumentality. 18^//. — Another week is forever gone into eternity. 0, liow many have been the blunders, and short-comings, and wanderings of mind and heart, in attcni})ting to walk in the narrow way which leads to eternal life. May the work of grace be deepened in my heart, and my soul's capacity more enlarged to admire and adore thee, and may I have the ha})pincss to see every member of my classes flourish like a green bay tree. VdlJi.— UQv. S. Joll preached from Phil. 2:5. " Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." Rev. J. B. Strong preached from 1 Peter 4:7. " But the end of all things is at hand, be yc therefore sober, and watch unto prayer." Praise the Lord for his precious gospel ; it is to my soul like the dew descending on Mount Hermon ; the sound of it is delightful. I recall those times at an early period of life, when divine truth made a deep impression on my heart, before I enjoyed the ^jrivilege of hearing it from the pulpit. May I constantly hunger and thirst afcer righteousness, mo'^kness, and purity of MRS. MARY LRADLEY. 255 "Let heart. *' Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." What suitable admonitions in the Word of God arc given unto us, vfho are so prone to wander from the paths of virtue ; how important the duties of sobriety, watchful- ness, and prayer ; particularly, as at a moment's warning we may be called to appear before our Judge, to account for th<^ deeds done in the body ; and " Except a man be converted, and born again, he cannot enter into the king- dom of heaven." Lord, enable us to listen to thy warning voice ; im- press upon our minds the imj)ortancc of a preparation for eternity. Help us to overcome all lightness of spirit, fool- isli talking and jesting, which arc so injurious ; vain, worldly amusements, however pleasing to the carnal mind, but so frequently forbidden in the Word of God ; fur this reason the end of all things is at hand. The rich man said to himself, "• Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years, take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry." But wluit Avas the answer of God to him ? " Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be recpiired of tlioc." At so great a risk, may we shun such egregious folly ; but may we imitate t'aosc who through faith and patience inherit the promises of God, and follow on to know him, whom to know is eter- nal life. O, my adorable Savior, what shall I render unto thee for all thy benefits ? AVhat returns can such an unworthy creature make unto thee, for such love, mercy, and good- ness ? ]Ljw can I sulHciently prize the blessed hope of one day beholding thee in thy glory ? irity of " 0, Avritc the pivnloii on my lieurt, That whenso'cr I hence depart, I may depart in peace."' 2.50 TJl'K AND EXPElllhXCE OF ^21.s.^._Kev. S. Joll preachca from Psalm 11 D: 1(4. "T iiiii tliino, save me." I recognize tlic cxalle. Strong preached from John : '!"[ . " AVill ye also be his disciples ? " Showed the meaning of the term discij/le, a scholar ; the place of a scholar at the feet of his master ; what it was to be a discii'le of Jesus Christ, to enlist under his banner, renounce all unrighte- ousness, take Christ for our prophet, priest, and king, deny ourselves, take uj) the cross, follow hini closely and laith- fullv ; take his yoke, for it is easv, and his burden tbr it is light. To be taught in his school the lessons of divine truth, love, peace, joy ; to believe all his doctrines, obey his commands, and walk in all his blessed ways. To the question propounded, " Will ye also be his disci- ples ? " ]My heart replied, Yes, glory be to (Jod, I am his disciiile ; I enlisted under his banner manv vcars a'lo, and have been enabled to continue to the [iresent in the good and right -way. 'The subject was concluded with an exhortation to those who are Christ's to be more faithful in his blessed cause ; to 1)0 more ■watchful over tliemselvcs, that thev mav rrow in grace, and in ti.>' knowledge of our Lord and Savior ; be more dead to the world and more ripe for glory. The youth were exhorted to turn from nature's darkness, fur- MRS. MARY URADLEY. 257 : U4. .'ation, ;ui'rc)i- li iiiith nlll nil f judg- 0: 27. ii'nig of iit the f Jc'SUS fin;j;litc- f% (lenv 1.1 lallh- II tor it ■ divine ?s, obey lis disd- ain Lis 'lo, and lie irood to those cansG ; IV tirow sake the prince of darkness, and become valiant soldiers fur Cliri.st ; a^, ivior Tl 10 less, Ivv- " Voutli is tlip tinio to servo tlio I.nril, Tiio tiiinj I') iiHiiro tliu v;is; luwiinl." Rev. S. Joll preached from Matt. 13 : 3. "Behold a sower went forth to sow." May this prove a seasonable admonition to many, accompanied to the heart by the Spir- it's power, that we may take heed how we hear, and as we have received the Lord Jesus Christ so to walk in him; then wc shall bring forth frnit to his glory. " liaised from a death of sin to newness of life in Christ Jesus, having an abiding witness of our acceptance with him." 2\)th. — Rev. J. Jj. Strong preached from 2 Cor. 13: 5. " Examiric yourselves, whether ve be in the faith." As the way to heaven is a strait gate, and narrow way, attended with dangers and difhculties, it is highly necessary to observe the important duty of self-examination ; for without faith it is impossible to please Cod. Now the question is. How csm I know that I am in the faith ? What are the sure marks whereby I may certainly know that I have that true and savhig faith — that I may trust without fear of coming short of that rest which remains for the ])eople of Cod ? Our blessed Lord has said, " I am the door ; by mo if any man enter in he shall be saved, and shall go in and out and find pastin-c :" and " I am the resurrection and the life, he that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall he live. I am come a light into the world that who- soever believeth in me should not walk in darkness, but have the light of life." Saint Paul says, " Now if any man be in Christ he is a new creature, old things are 258 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF )cl Ijoliold all thin: ne^ n II passed away, and ijohold all thuja's ar^ r ccome those truths are contained the entiance into the church, its jirovision, salvation, lii^'ht, life, and happy change. Love is the I'ulfiilin;^ of tlu^ law ; }i(M'f(>et love castetli out le;ir. All those blessin;^s are suspended vipon faith, as their condition of en joynnent ; if I possess them, 1 must know it ; for he that believeth, hath the Avitness in him- self. This morning, llcv. E. Wood cmharked for England. The Lord bless, preserve, and give his angels charge over him, to keep him in all his ways. May he enjoy sweet peace of mind, and rest upon the divine jiromises while upon the great ocean ; find favor in the eyes of the [ico- ple, and be returned to us again in perfect peace and safety. Oct. 8t7. — Rev. S. Joll preached from Matt. G: — 14, inclusive ; being the Lord's prayer. May the admoni- tions given this morning be dulv considered, and cordiullv *J CD «/ ' %/ embraced, and produce a gracious influence on the minds and manners of all who heard them. Mr. J. said pi-ayer ought to be lively, affectionate, fervent, and short. Long praying is a bad habit, calculated to produce coldness and deadness where it was practised. llev. J. B. Strong preached from this text : " The Son of man is come to seek and to save that which is lost." The coming of tlie Son of man to save lost sinners, is the ground of all true happiness enjoyed by mankind in this world, and the theme upon which they will delight to dwell to all eter- nitv. llev. 5:1*2: — "Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, to receive power, and riches, and v\isdom, and strength, and honor, and glory, and blessing." MRS. MARY liRADLEV. *^59 ■." In cluu'ch, ^liangc. otli out iitli, as 1 must in liim- Ingland. •ge over y sweet ?s Avliile the peo- acc an. Strong preached from Nunil)er3 14: :24. " JJut my servant Caleb, because he had anotlicr spirit with him, and hath followed mc full v, him will I bring into the land whei'einto he went, and his seed shall possess it." The lanvl of Canaan is a figure to us of our heavenly country. The evil report of those faint- hearted, rebellious i)crson3, shows the evil spirit with which they were ins{)ired : and if we f jUow their exam- ple we shall never enter the ncavenly Canaan. (), how it behoves us to be in earnest, lest we should miss of heaven, lose our precious souls, and be cast away. Rev. S. Joll preached from Ilab. 8: 17. "Althou^-h the fig-tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines ; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat ; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls; yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salva- tion." A blessed example of faith, and encouragement to put our trust in God at all times, and especially in times of outward afllietions, of scarcity, and want of food and raiment. 12//,!. — ]\ev. J. B. Strong preached from Ilab. 8 : 2. " Lord, i-evivc thy work." The world was made in six days, but the work of grace may increase until the end of life. It ought to be our constant prayer, as it was ex- pressed by the prophet, " Lord, revive thy work." " Ilow sweot the name of Jesus sounds 'I'd 11 lirlicvcr's ears , It -n(itli(>s his sorriiw-, he!\l.s liis woumls, And w :p's away hi^ tears." lijtJi. — I thank the Lord for his lovin;; kindness and 200 LIFE AND EXPERIEXrR OF tender mercies toward us another week. coUImcss and indlffercncy. " \Vli\' sliiiiiM my fiKili-*!) ])i-;-ii(>ris rovo ? Wlicro can such -wcctiioss be, As I liav(! lii^toil in tliy love — As 1 have fnund in thoe V " Pardon cir )'; ,1 '* Lord, cnlarpc my scanty tliouj^lit, To know tlic \vr)ihlers tliou liast wrought ; Thy love hnniense, unse.nvlialdf, Who didst between tlie cherubs dwell." 17th. — Rev. A. McLeod preached from Luke 11 : 1o, " If ye then, being evil, know • ow to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy S})iiit to them that ask him." Rev. S. JoU preached from Matt. 25: 1 — 13. " Tlicn shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took tlicir lamps, and went forth to meet the 1 (ride- groom. And five of them were wi-se, and five were fool- ish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them ; but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. "While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a crv made, Behold the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose and trimmed tlioir lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us ()f your oil ; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise an- swered, saying. Not so ; lest there be not enough for us and you ; but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came ; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage : and the door was shut. Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us. Bui MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 261 he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not. Watch, therefore, for ye know neitl.oi ♦^he day nor the hour wherein the Son of man coir.eth." 19^/i. — Rev. A. McLeod preached from Matt. 5 : 10. " Let your light so shine before men, tl at they may sec your good works, ami glorify your Father which is in heaven." The Lord enable me to observe and obey this special command ; but we must be partakers of the true light, before we can let it shine. The light of nature is the light of this world. "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth ; and the earth was without form and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the ■waters. And God said, Let there be light ; and there was light." The light of the body is the eye. Through this valuable organ, by the medium of light, the image of things being painted v ^n the retina, are by the nerve conveyed to the brain nd the understanding. Thus may the sweet rays of divii ' light, the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, shine into our hearts. Our blessed Savior came, a light into the world, that whosoever belicveth in him should not Avalk in darkness, but have the light of life. It is not necessary to go to heathen lands to shun this light : people may use a thick veil, or simply shut their ejcs against it, and be in dark- ness anywhere. 2od. — I thank the Lord that while many of our fel- low citizens are being removed by death, we still live. Enemies lurk around me ; may I be enabled to }iut my foot upon the necks of all uiy stubborn inbred foes, that the natives of my heart may be slain, and that I may ulti- mately possess that land which Hows with milk and honey. 262 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF 1" Diffuse thy light and life through all my soul, and pre- pare me for the duties of the Sabbath ; bless thy minis- ters, dircet their studies, and may the word preached, be as eye-salve to open the eyes, enlighten the understand- ings, and change the hearts of the people, that they may be wise unto everlasting salvation. 24^A. — Key. J. B. Strong preached from Vs. 84 : 1, -2. *' How amiable are thy tabernacles, Lord of ho; 1 1 ! " My soul longeth, yea, even faintcth for the courts of the Lord : my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God." The tabernacle was a building reared up by Moses at the command of God, to put his name therein, and for his own worship. In it was the Ark of the Covenant, and the mercy seat, and the cherubims with stretched forth wings covering the mercy-seat, and in the ark was put the testi- mony which the Lord gave. And he said to Moses, there I will meet with thee, and commune with thee from above the mercy-seat ; from between the two cherubims, which are upon the ark of the testimony, of all things which I •will give thee in commandment unto the children of Israel. The cloud of the Lord was upon the tabernacle by day, and fire was on it by night in the sigiit of all the house of Israel, throughout all their journeys. David was greatly delighted with the privilege of wor- shipping God in his sanctuary, and with the melodious music, which ornamented God's house, and cheered his worshippers. Blessed are they that dwell in thy house they will be still praising thee. 'J hey go from strength to strength ; every one of theui in Ziou appeareth before God. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. •2G3 id pre- minis- hcd, be }r9tan(l- icy may [: 1,'2. ourts oi" ic living loses at 1 for his aiul the ;h wings he tcsti- s, there m above }, Avhich Avhich I dren of by day, lOUSC of of wor- elodious red his y house, cngth to before Rev. S. Joll preached from the parable of the Prodigal Son. Luke 15 : 11. And lie said. A certain man had two sons : And the yountjer of tijoin said to liis father, Father, give me the )r ffoods tliat falletli And he divided them his portion hvinjj. And not many days after, the young'er son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his sub- stance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in tliat land ; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country ; and he sent him into his tieldn to feed swine. And he would fuin have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat ; and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, ho said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger ! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto liim, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son : make me as one of thy hired servants. And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him. Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him ; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet : And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it ; and let us eat, and be merry : For this my son was dead and is alive again ; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. Now his elder son was in the field : and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 204 Lirr: an'; kxteriexce of » And he snid unto liini, Thy hrother is como ; nnd thy fathor hath killod tho fatted cull", bccuuso ho hath received him sale nnd sdiiiid. And he was an^'ry and wouhl not go in ; thurclbre cann his lather out, nnd entreated him. And he an.swerinjf, said to his fatiicr, I^o, these many years do I Berve thee, neither trnns<,'ressod I at any time thy commandment; nnd yet thou never gavest me a kid, tliat I might make merry with my friends : IJut as soon as this thy son was como, wliich hath devoured tliy living with harU)t9, thou Iiast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me ; and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and ho glad : for this thy brother was dead, nnd is alivo again ; and was lost, and is found. 1 The two sons represent tlic two dispensations of the Law and the Gospel. The Father looking out tor his Son ; tho mercy, love, and readiness of the Lord to save returning sinners. The joy and rejoicing of the household ; the in- terest which is felt in the church, for the hai)pincss of all who return to God. I do not wonder, that when tlie fatted calf was killed, and they were feasting upon it, that there was joy, music, and dancing. "Was there not a sufficient cause ? This my son was dead, and is alive, was lost, and is found. If king David was so overjoyed at the return of the Ark of God into the land of Israel, that he uncovered himself of his. kingly ornaments, and danced before it, no wonder that a precious soul, that must exist to all eternity, should rejoice when released from shi, and received to the divine favor. AVhat would Dives give to he released from his misery, or to have it mitigated by cold water ? MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 265 " It was compassion like a God, That when the Savior knew The price of pardon wan his blood, His pity ne 'er withdrew. Behold the wretch ! whose lust and wine Had wasted his estate, He begs a share amongst the swine. To taste the husks they eat. I die with hunger here, he cried, I starve in foreign lands, My father's house has largo supplies, And bounteous are his hands. I '11 go and with a mournful tongue, Fall down before his face; Father I 've done thy justice wrong, Nor can deserve thy grace. He said, and hastened to his home, To seek his Father's love, His father saw the rflbel come. And all his bowels move. He ran and fiell upon his neck, Kiss'd and embraced his son, The rebel heart with sorrow brake, For follies he had done. Take off the clothes of sin and shame. The father gave command. Dress him in garments white and clean, With rings adorn his hand. A day of feasting I ordain, Let joy and mirth abound. My son was dead and lives again, Was lost, and now is found." 23* 20G I.U-li AND EXi'iuilLNri: OF 0< 'f'l/it')' Itfi . — llev. J. 1>. Stron;^ ])rcf\chc(l ^vo! 1 Matt. 24 : v\. " n lit lie th at shall cii'luro unto the ' . '!». th'^ siuno Sllllll 1)0 ■'(!., tho ilc;^c of 10 tuilli, of the 0(1, au"l :ralt Ijc- , Clirist, ) live, is ltC3 tlio lin;^ can rtorni of r think, elp mc, ndoring lat my 0. ly, and O, that ation of nay ho is of the I know cove- may jord of the ful- MUS. MAIIV 1!UAI>M:Y. 2(37 May all the eiuls of the earth how to the sceptre of Je«?iis«, and hocome hia, hy justification, adoption, sanctification, and ho his faithful followers. Crown with success the lahors of all faithful ministers, and answer the ])rayers of all pious jtcoplo ; and may tho word of tho \jn'd ahido in us, and wo ahido in him, that whatever we ask in faith, wo may receive. " And when n)y work on cartli i-t iluno, And all lu'iiven'H host thy name iidoro, Mfiy I III' I'linnil iiniuii;; tliciii uno, To pniiM; tliy uuuie I'ur t.'vcnuorc." DeecmbiT 30///, 18o0. — () Lord, pour out thy Jloly S[)iritup(in our church, and hless \is in the services on tho Now Year's eve, that the hearts of many, hi;^ with expec- tation of a visit of special grace, and the divine presence at the watch-night, may not ho disappointed. May the hlessed -work of entire sanctification become a general enjoyment, and why not row ? O, when shall 1 see and enjoy the privilege of })cing a member of the pure church, for which I have so long looked ? may the time to favor Zion come, and our faith be increased to receive the ])romiscs. May the kingdom of God come, and his will bo done among his believing chil- dren on earth, so that he may delight to view the assem- blies of his saints. 0, for hearts to love the Lord supremely, and our breth- ren and sisters as ourselves, and that the uniting S})irit of love and power, may go from heart to heart as oil is poured from vessel to vessel, until all sliall catch, the heavenly tlame. " Oh wIr'm shall I sne Jc^ii^, And reij^u with himuhovo ; And fruni that living fo\intain, Drink cverlastinK love V" 268 LIFE AND KXPERIENCE OF <.■ December 31 8^. — Lord, thou hast crowned the year ^vith thy goodness, and indulged me with innumerable favors to its close ; for which I now record my grateful praises, and particularly, that I have been permitted to maintain the purpose formed last New Year's day, of writing a journal. May the few remaining days of ray life, be much more than the past, improved to the divine glory, and may I be preserved from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence ; under his wings may I be sheltered, and kept as the apple of his eye, and in the hollow of his hand, and guided by his counsel, may he in great mercy receive me to glory. Dec. 2^thy 1833. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from Luke 2 : 11. " For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord." The sub- ject, illustrative of the nativity, oflfice, and honor of our blessed Lord, was applied with comfort to my mind. " Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ." Jan. 1st, 1834. — Rev. S. Busby preached a fast-day sermon from Jonah 3 : 7 - 10. " And he caused it to be proclaimed and published through Nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying. Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing : let them not feed, nor drink water : But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God : yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands. Who can tell if God will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, that we perish not ? And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 2G9 of ^vay ; and God repented of the evil that he had said that he AYOuUl do unto them : and he did it not." The society of the city, Carlton, and PortLand, met together at two o'chDck, fur renewing the covenant, and ])artook of the Lord's supper ; it was an interesting season ; may it long be remembered. This day forty-seven years ago, my soul v.as made a hap))y partaker of the divine nature, and formed anew in Christ Jesus. jSIay all my future life declare that I have Christ put on. I thank the Lord for his many fixvors, victories, and par- doning love ; may the constant brcatliings of my soul ascend to him as incense, and commencing the duties of this year with fresh vigor, and strength renewed, may I travelto the mount of God. " 0, lot me climb tll()^;o lii^lior skip-;, ^VlK■l•o sf()nn> ami darUiiess iiover ri.so ; Theiv llo ilisi)liiy.-. His powers ahmad, AniUhiiies und reitriis tho incaruutc tiud." 2d. — Blessed be thv great and holv name, Lord, fur thy renewed mercy in sparing me another day ; how little has my mind centered upon thee this day, and how little have I meditated upon thy "Word. Help me to examine and call myself to an. account how I have improved my time and talents. Suflcr me not to speak peace and flat- ter myself. " Lord search my heart, and try my waj's, And make my soul sincere; Then shall I stand heibre tiiy face, And lind aocei)tance llicru."' ijd. — The mercies of God are new every morning, and 270 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF j:^rcat is his faitlifulncss ; may I never lose a sense of this, that I am always in thy immediate presence, and all that passes throuf^h my mind is known to thee, and that every moment I am drawin;^ nearer to my eternal home, the house appointed for all living, and that it is only throuj^h the merits of my lledccmer I am permitted to claim an interest in the Fatiicr's love and heavenly glory. " 0, (or a licart to praise my C!od, A lioart from sin set froc ; A licart that always feels thy blooil, So freely gjiilt I'ui' me." 4^/t. — How this important question has run through my mind to-day ! What have 1 cost my blessed Savior ? "Was ever pain, was ever love like his ? No, never ! His sold was once an offering made, for every soul of man. U, that I may always possess that Christian godliness, which is the fruit of my (Savior's passion : "l\Iilil, sweet, serene, and tender in her mo^iil, Nor JIKS. MARY lillxVDLEY. 271 His Lll. O, 13: 1 hail uglit the come town ; said 11 cli- and if Either we may understand God the Father hy him that liad the vineyard, and Clirist by him that kept it ; or Christ himself is he that hath it, and his ministers they that keep it. — Wcsh'i/. The Lord grant that this profitable discourse may bo indelibly impressed upon the memory, and evinced in the practice, of all -who sat under its sound ; that this year may be more fruitful in the divine life than the past year. Mr. II. preached from Ps'.ilm 116 : 1 - 4. " Hove the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplica- tions. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, there- fore will I call upon him as long as I live. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold up- on me : I found trouble and sorrow. Then called I upon the name of the Lord ; Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul." A blessed subject ; may it be cheerfully responded to by all who heard it. 'oth. — Glory be to thy great and holy name, U Lord, for the mercies of this day, and for the ])recious promises brought to my mind this evening ; keep us from evil, and protect us from fatal accidents, and protect the city from the ravages of fire ; may it never fall a prey to such a dis- mal fate. Give thine angels charge over us. ;.?«d keep us in the hollow uf thy hand iill the days of osir lives, and help us to grow uj) into thee our living head in all things. Qth. — U, what a calm sweet frame r '.' niiad do I eniov this evening! (ilory to God, it is n(^t for any works of righteousness I have done, or ever expect to do, that I look forwartl to another and better Wf-rld. No, I would renounce my own righteousness as filihy rags, in point of merit : but it is h, und tlirouixh the atonement of mv dear 272 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF Redeemer and his free grace alone, that I anticipate a blissful immortality. " 0, lor tliis love let rocks and hills Their lasting silence hreak ; Anil ail harmf)Minus human tonjrucs, Their Savior's praises speak 1 " 12th. — Rev. S. Rusby preached from Eph. 3 : 15, IG. " Of ^vhom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that he ■would grant you according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the mncr man. n " Onfi family, wo dwell in him, One church above, heneath ; Thoufrli iiow divided by the stream, The narrow stream of death." Rev. W. Smithson preached from Daniel (): 20. "The king spake and said to Daniel, Daniel, servant of the living God, is thy God whom thou servest continually, able to deliver thee from the lions ':' " " God of Daniel, hear my prayer, And let thy power be seen ; Stop the li(jn's moutii, and bear Mv safe out of his den: Save me in tiiis dreadful hour ; Karth, and hell, and nature join. All stand ready to de\'liiill Ijc done ! " Wth. — I adore the mercy of the Most High, for con- ducting us thus far on the journey of life, while many of our fellow citizens have been called into eternity. I pray fur ability candidly and faithfully to examine myself, and try my state by the divine standard. Does my life correspond with my profession ? Do I live a life of faith in the Son of God? Does Jesus Christ dwell in me by his Holy Spirit, and am I guided by his unerring Word in all thiniis ? Do I love him above all ? Do I fear to offend him, and love to ()l»ey him ? Do I depend wholly upon his merits and atonement for justification, and eternal sal- vation ? Am I weaned from tlie world, and from all its forbidden and ensnaring objects ? Do I resist the devil, and overcome his temptations by faith in the blood of Jesus Christ my Lord ? () thou, who knowcst my heart better than I do, ([ualify me by grace to answer une(iuivocally and affirmatively all those, and many more such interrog- atories. May the existciv-c of sin, and every root of bit- terness bo totally destroyed, and thy pure love fill up all my heart. 24 274 LIFE AND EXI'KttlEN'CE OF " Thy prosonro niukos my paradise, Aiiil wlicre tli'iu art is iicavoii." 1GM. — The promises of Christ are sure, as the liills are firm. " My peace i <^ive unto you, my peace I leave with you, not as the worhl giveth, give I unto you." In the s[)irit of meekness, humble love, and realizing faith, I would claim them as my own. With ardent breathings of unceas- ing prayer, and fresh determinations to cleave unto the Lord, may my heart go out continually after him, and in love and ])ity for those who arc out of the ark of safety, in the broad road which leadeth to destruction. May they hear Jehovah's warning voice, " Turn ye, turn ye, for why will ye die? Jjehold now is the accepted time, behold now is the day of salvation." 18th. — I confess I am unable to answer for one sin of : thousand I have committed, and were it not for a friend y-ho has stepped in between the Father's wratli and my 1 recious soul, 1 could have no hope of heaven ; ])ut blessed be the Lord who has provided a remedy, and laid help up- on one who is all-sufficient to atone for sin, remove the heavy load of guilt, and the fearful looking for of judgment, and cause joy and the hope of eternal happiness to spring up in my soul. Glory be to that unspeakably kind friend, who has given me a witness of this blessed truth, that he is al)lc to save to the utmost all who come to the Father, through faith in him. 0, come and take the entire pos- session of my heart, and reign without a rival, that I may be united to mybles.^cd Lord by thousands of lies, cords of love stronger than di r h. " Ciitilil I it/- rliinli where >h)S>'.- stood, Ami vic>v tlic huidsoapo oVt; Not .hirdiin's stream, iiu ' deatii's cold Hood, Should frieht mo from tho shore." MRS. MAllY iniADLKY. 275 :'icil(l, at he Lthcr, |)0S- 111 ay .'Js ut" 10^//. — Rev. W. Smithson proaclied from '^ Peter ') : 18. " ]>\it grow in grace, and in tlie knowledge of oiir Lord and k^avior Jesus Christ. To him ho gl^r}' both now and forever. Amen." In the evening Rev. !S. ]]ushy i)reaclied irom "2 Peter 1 : 10, 11. " Wherefore the ratlier, brethren, give dili- gence to make your calling and election sure : for if ye do these things, yo shall never fall : For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly, into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." I mourn over the imperfections which are mingled with all my performances ; cleanse me from all sin, and enable me with greater life and vigor to hear thy f)recious AVord, that I mav secure true pietv ; make mv callin'j; and dec- tion sure ; practice true piety, that I may never fall ; en- joy the rewards of true piety, so an entrance shall be min- istered unto mo abundantlv into the everlastinir kinirdom of my Lord and Sa.i.^i. 20fJt. — The dismal crv of fire -was heard in our streets ; people running in all directions ; l)ells ringing ; engines clattering, and every thing in melancholy confusion for a wliile ; but in a short time all the bustle was over. The rod was shaken over us, and again suspended. May it produce in us greater humility, gratitude, obedience to heaven, and trust in divine Providence. 2-^th. — Blessed be the name of the Lord, for the happy choice I was enabled to make in the days of my youth, to take the Lord for my portion in time and eternity. I have never repented of this act, neither am I weary of my choice, and am persuaded it will afford me matter of re- joicing to all eternity ; when I shall behold the face of '216 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF my Redeemer, and the scars uhicli he received in the days of liis liumiliation. " 0, liiijipy (lay tliat fixcil my clioico On 'riici.', my Savior ami iny (lod ! \Vi;ll may tiiis frlowing lieart rejoice, Ami tell its rajitures all abroad." 2,')tli. — Another -week's mercies call for greater grati- tude from the unworthy workmanship and purchase of the Jledcemer. AVhy do I not love thee vf\t\\ more warmth of affection ? Why do I not serve thee with greater zeal ? Why do I not feel greater sorrow for not having lived more to thy glory ? Surely it is for want of more grace, more of divine influence ; for these I humbly pray, " Tliat 1 may do His -will below, As angels do above ; Wlio always see liiin on His throne, And glory in His love." 2ijth. — Kev. S. Busby preached from Matt. 5: G. " Blessed are they who do hunger and thirst after righte- ousness, for they shall be filled." I thank thee, heav- enly Father, for the grace of repentance, and faith, and zeal to press on against the current of my own sinful na- ture, until thou didst give me to realize Jesus Christ cru- cified for me, and I hungering and thirsting after his righte- ousness, found })ardon and peace to my precious soul. I can never for;j^et the encouragement 1 derive i from the application of this text, while laboring under distress of mind ; it was to me a pledge of promised good to be ful- filled in the Lord's own time ; but how earnestly did I plead and wrestle for its fulfilment. From that time to the present he has been carrying on his work of grace. MRS. MAUY r.UADLKY. 277 G. I the ess of e ful- did I mc to grace. and I lmni1)ly trust for its continuance until death is swal- lowed up in victory. 27///. — If T am indnlirinvho revile and jiersecuto me, to love those who hate me, anil to imitate my blessed Savior in all his imitalde perfections, that I may grow up into him my living head hi all things. ith. — I thank the Lord for the degree of submission I feel, under the trying circumstance, the sacrifice of property, I have had to make to-day. I feci no dispo- sition to utter a murmuring word, or indulge an unholy thought; but listen to the dictates < livine truth, ''AH things shall work together for ; ' t those who love God," and to lay up treasure in h' u, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, nor thic\cs l^rcak through nor steal, llless my companion ; may he be still, and know his (Jod ; rijjen for glory, that as the outer man decays, the inner man may daily grow stronger ; that when ho shall be called to give up his account, it may ))e with joy, and not with grief. 5^//. — "If any of you lack wisdom, let hira ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and u}>braideth not, and it shall be given him." — Jas. L : 5. May I be di- rected by divine wisdom in the appointment of those, instead "f Mr. Mc, who is no more, who shall apply our property after our decease, to promote the glory of God and the good of his church. Qfh. — Praised be thy great and holy name, O Lord, for the peaceful and (piiet mind I enjoy this day. I feel thou art good, and doest all things well ; but how far short do I come in making suitable returns of constant, ardent love. Help us to use this world as a loose gar- A^ %. ^x.. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 5< 4^, '*' «'.. :/ 5r /^/^ 1.0 I.I L25 ill 1.4 IM IIM 1= 1.6 '/ Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 872-4503 -^ ^ ^ iV :\ \ ^\N '■^ % ' o^ % ^^ ^^ %^ 280 LIFE AXD EXPERIEXCK OF mcnt, which raav be cast oft' at any moment ; and to Uve every clay as those who must give a strict account of the deeds done in the body. 1th. — I feel thankful for the privilege of hearing to-day from my classmates, what the Lord has done for their souls ; may they hold fast whereunto they have attained, that no one take their crown ; and show to all around, by a well ordered life and conversation, that they have Christ put on ; and may these delightful seasons be but as the preceding drops of a mighty shower. 8^/i. — As our time is swiftly passing away, help us to redeem and improve it, and gather up all the fragments of it, by a constant Avatch over the dispositions and exer- cises of our minds, carefully inspecting every motion, knowing that we are constantly in that immediate presence who cannot behold sin but with the utmost abhorrence. O my Father, may I be always cheerfully rendering thee my spirit, soul, and body. Be pleased to revive thy work in the city and society ; in answer to the prayers of this evening, send down peace, and destroy sin, by the bright- ness of thy appearing. Give abundant success to the ministry of the Word, and make us all alive in thee, our living head, that we may bring forth fruit to thy glory. 9irit ; from grieving thee in any wise. May faith, love, gratitude, and true wisdom guide me, through all the journey of Hfe. 22d,— " Thou, to whose all-searching sight, The darkness shineth as tlie light : Search, prove my heart; it pants for thee; burst these bonds, and set it free ! 26* 290 LII'K AND EXPKRIENCE OF Waslj nut its i^tains, roCmo, its dro?s; Null .ny iilVoctii)iis to tlin cross ; IIiillow cacli tlioujTht ; lot all witliin IJc clean, as Thou, my Lord, art clean I " 23t/. — Rev. S. Ikisby preached from Psalm 41: 4. *' I said, Lord bo merciful unto me ; heal my soul, for I liavc sinned against tlicc." Rev. W. Smitlison preached from Romans 1 : 10. " For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ : for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth ; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek." Blessed be the Lord for the privilege of a preached gospel, and for all the blessings jnirchased by the precious blood of Jesus Christ, lie is altogether such a Savior as I need. I am unworthy ; but he is worth3^ I am weak ; but he is strong. 1 am by nature and practice sinful and polluted ; but his efficacious blood cleanseth from all sin. " God, tli.i oflonded God Most High, Ambassadors to n iicis sends; His messengers His place supply, And J(.'-;us Ijogs us to lie iVieiids." 25^/i. — Lord, thou seest my weakness, and how the enemy strives to get the advantage over me. " Arm nic for the evil day, 'J'liut I in heart with Tlioe may stay ; (iird mo witli Tliy mighty poMcr, And bring mc through the trjung hour." 2Sth. — Righteous art thou, Lord, and all thy works are done in truth. MRS. MARY BRADLliY. o 291 " I Ml inaisc my Maker wliilc I've l)n>atli, And whun my voic*> is lost in 'Icutli, Praii^o shall cmi»loy my nobler powers ; My diivR of |>niisi; shall nn'rr be past, \\ liik' lilV', ami tluniulit, ami boiu^' luit, Or iiiimortalitv ciulurcs." 'Hdth. — Thanks be unto the Lord, for his renewed mer- cies to his unworthy liandmaid, affording me such delight- ful discoveries of his infinite wisdom in the works of crea- tion ; but more especially in the glorious economy of hu- man redemption. May I l.ve to his glory, walk circum- spectly, meditate upon his Word, make it the rule of my life, and may it sink down into my heart, be a light to my feet, and a lamp to my path. Wth. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from Luke 2-4: •47. " And that repentance and remission of sins should, be preached in his name, among all natioiiS, beginning at Jerusalem." jNIay the Lord open the hearts of the people to receive the Word, to profit and ediiy thorn, as he opened the heart of Lydia. Rev. S. Rusby preached from Luke 24 : 34. " The Lord is risen indeed, and hath appeared to Simon." Our blessed Lord rose again from the dead, that the Scriptures might be fulfilled, the world redeemed, God glorified, heaven opened, the Holy S})irit sent forth, and mankind, both in body and soul, eternally saved. Joseph, Isaac, and Jonah, were types of Christ's resurrection. Joseph was sold by his brethren ; but afterwards raised up to pro- vide bread for all his father's house, and to be a great governor. Isaac was called for a sacrifice ; but became the father of a great nation, numerous as the stars of heaven, and in whose seed all the families of the earth 292 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OP 1 should be blessed. Jonali was cast out ; but raised up again to prophecy to the people. I trust all -svho heard this interesting discourse Avill experience the benefits of the Savior's meritorious death, victoiious resurrection, triumphant ascension, and prevalent intercession, and be found with their lamps trimmed, burning, and ready to meet the bridegroom of our souls at his coming. Slst, — This serious suggestion came to my mind, IIow do you know but that you are mistaken ? Perhaps when you shall be called to appear before your Maker, he will not receive you after all your comfort and hope of heaven ? My heart replied. Surely that would be a great disappoint- ment indeed ; but I have a good hope through grace of realizing better things, and believe through the atonement and merit of uw Redeemer, that he is all-sufficient to save and present me faviltless before the throne of his glory, with exceeding great joy. My delight is in the Lord ; I love his religion, and cause, and desire to see his kingdom flourish, and extend, and his name glorified in the earth, and in heaven for ever. " .Tesuf? my all to heaven is gone, He whom I fix my hope vpon ; His track I see, and I'll pursxie, The naiTow way till Him I view." April 1st, 1834. — Praised be the Lord for his loving kindness and tender mercies extended to us, while many of our fellows are laboring under heavy afflictions of vari- ous kiniiP) ; I pray the Lord mercifully to look upon them ; especially upon her who has been a great sufferer for a long time, and to all human appearance near the confines of the grave. May she have a bright evidence of her ac- MRS. MARY BRADLEY. :293 ceptance, and her heart be cheered Avith the blessed hope of entering into that rest, " Where nil tlu^ ship's company moot, W'o siiiled witii their Savior beneath; With shouting each other they greet. And triumph o cr trouble and death : The voyage of life 's at an eml. The mortal aflliction is past; The age that hi heaven they spend, For ever and ever sliall last." Qth. — Mr. Ilutchins preached from Gen. 5: 24. "• Enoch walked with God, and he was not: for God took nm ?> " 0, for a closer walk with God, A oalm and heavenly frame ; A. light to shine u[)on the road Tliat leads me to the Lamb ! " IWi. — Rev. W. Smlthson preached from Acts 1: 9, 10, 11. "And when he had spoken these things, while thej beheld, he Avas taken up, and a cloud received him out of their sight. And Avhilc thcj looked steadfastly toward heaven, as he went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel ; who also said, Ye men of Galilee, Avhy stand ye gazing up into heaven ? this same Jesus who is taken up from you into heavtjn, shall so come, in like manner as ye have seen him go into heav- en." " Two men stood by them." Doubtless, angels in hu- man shape. " In white apparel." As emblematical of their purity, happiness, and glory. *« 294 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF Rev. S. Busby preached from John 12 : 32. " And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." The subject contained in the text, is one of the most awfully sublime, and glorious events ever recorded in sacred history ; Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stum- bling block, and mito the Greeks foolishness ; but unto all who believe, the power of God, and the wisdom of God. The doctrine of the atonement, is one of the most ani- mating subjects on which we can possibly reflect, though our hearts melt under a sense of heinous offences which crucified the Savior of the world ; yet turning the eye of our faith to the efficacious blood of atonement which stream- ed down the consecrated cross, we obtain redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins. The atonement is a mystery to angels, the high way to heaven, the key of Paradise^ and the believer's consolation aiiainst the fears of death. " Jesus' Ijlood tlirougli eiirth JincI skies, !Mercy free, boundless inercy crios." Our gracious Redeemer, in the preceding verses, revealed to his disciples the awful intelligeiice of his approaching dissolution ; " Now is my soul troubled, this is the hour and power of darkness." Here his liuman nature recoiled at the sight of the tremendous billows just bm-sting on his coveted head : " But the cup which my Fatlier giveth me, shall I not drink it ? " Though our ini(|uities encompassed him about, and wore laid upon him, he was borne up through the power of his divinity ; hence, the champion of Israel looking beyond the bitter cup, saw that the dreadful conflict with the Prince of darkness would ultimately terminate in everlast- MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 295 ing triumphs. Thus his immortal mind was consoled amid the alarming c '3, while he beheld the blessinojs resultin"- from the rich •. usion of his precious blood. *' And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." We shall consider : I. What is implied in the exhibition of the Savior. II. The glorious effects. 1. The words "hftedup," sometimes signify to exalt ; here they signify first, to abase ; this spake he, signifying what death he should die ; hence he was lifted up upon the cross. Crucifixion was a Roman mode of punishment, practised in the empire as long as it continued heathen : but when the emperor embraced Christianity, this mode of punishment ceased, and was forbidden by supreme author- ity, from a due respect, and pious honor to the death of Christ. Crucifixion was so painful and shameful a death, that the Romans themselves sometimes strangled the per- son, and afterwards crucified him : but the blessed Savior was not favored with this mercy. He was probably nailed to the cross before he was lifted up, and then, as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so, was the Son of man lifted up, that whosoever bolieveth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. sinners, behold your Savior, suspended between the heavens and the earth, raised by impious hands, amid the tumults of blasphemous multitudes ; yea, the scorn and contempt of the vilest of the vile. A^iew liis passion in all its bearings, and say, " Was ever sorrow like unto his sorrow ? " This sacrificial offering, was not only designed to expiate our guilt, but to teach us to deny ourselves of all ungodli- 29G LIFE AND EXPERIEIsCE OF ncss and -worldly lusts, and to tal^e up our cross, and fol- low him, that where he is, we may he also. To lift \ip, signifies, 2. To exalt. Hence, he was lifted up from the earth in the morning of the resurrection. Behold the hriglifc sun of righteousness going down in a dark, and dismal eclipse ; he bowed his head, there was darkness throughout all the land of Judca, nature was convulsed, the rocks rent, the graves were opened, the dead arose, and death and hell were conquered. The eternal sun of righteous- ness arose, with healing in his wings, burst the bars of death and tlie tomb, re-assumed his natural body, and raised it from the dead. Angels made their appearance in token of honor. 0, my soul, join Avith them, in the victorious acclamations : death, where is thy sting ? grave, where is thy victory ? Him, hath God exalted with his own right hand, to be a Prince and a Savior, to give re- pentance and remission of sins. He not only rose again for our justification, but as a certain pledge of the resurrection of our sOuls from a death of sin, and our vile bodies from the ruins of mortality. *' I am the resurrection and the life ; he that belicveth in me though he were dead, yet sliall lie live, and he that liveth and belicveth in me shall not die eternally." 0, that I could say to each of you, my dear friends, You hath he (juickoned, who wei-c once dead in trespasses and in sins. 3. He was lifted up from the earth in his ascension. " What, and if you had seen the Son of man ascend- ing up, where he was before." This illustrious champion came from heaven as an invader, to conquer our formida- ble enemies, sin, death, and hell. Tlis crown omnipotent, MRS. MARY LRADLEY, 297 and fol- lift up, e cartli briglit dismul mgliout e rocks d death ^litcoiis- Lars of d raised in token ctorious grave, with his give re- lit as a a death Drtalitv. pveth in he that ." 0, Is, You ?ses and sion. ascend- 1 amp ion tbrmiihi- lipotent. his shiehl invincible, the heavens his throne, the earth his footstool. lie led captivity captive, and dragged the monster death at his chariot wheels. He made the clouds his chariot, and rode upon the wings of the wind. He astonished the Galilean spectators, Avhen in the presence of angels he ascended from Mount Olivet, through the starry vaults of heaven ; cherubic legions in loud acclar mations, shouting him welcome to the sky. The gates of Paradise ^vide unfold their etherial light, turning upon their everlasting hinges, while the heavenly i tclligence, exclaim : " ye gates, be ye lifted up, and let ilie King of Glory come in ! " If you then be risen with Cln-ist, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth at the right hand of God. This lifting up of the Savior implies, 4. His being exalted on the pole of the gospel ; for as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so, shall the Son of man be lifted up. Every true minister of Christ, is a ro\'al captain, com' lissioned to unfurl the banners of the cross, and extol the Captain of our salva- tion, and to make mention that his name is exalted ; to blow the trumpet in Zion, for he hath done excellent things ; this is known in all the earth. They exhibit the Saior by declaring his attributes as omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent ; his perfections as infallible, and his offices of Prophet, Priest, and King, three titles never assumed by any person, but the Infi- nite, the Man Christ Jesus. Thus they lift him up upon the pole of the gospel, and whereas, the poor envenomed, serpent-bitten Israelite look- ed to the brazen serpent and was healed, so the lin-bitten sons of Adam, must look with the eye of faith on him 2G 298 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF whom they have pierced, and be healed of all their spirit- ual maladies. The blood of Jesus is an antidote, which extracts all the venom of the Old Serpent. Moses lifted the brazen serpent so high, that all might see it. On this account, the ministers of the glorious gospel, are author- ized to cry to all. Behold the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sin of the world. This brings me to consider, II. The effects produced : " I will draw all men unto me." This is not to be understood absolutely, or uncon- ditionally ; for Jesus was constrained to say, " How often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not." Neither does Christ establish his kingdom by the sword of war, or an horrid inquisition : but by the mild banners of love, " Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out." Consider, 2. That man by nature is at an awful distance from God : " All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned every man to his own way." We have wandered on the dark mountains of error and sin ; we have loved darkness rather than light, because our deeds were evil ; the way of peace we have not known ; our hearts and affections are astray, deeply alienated from the Most High God. What a mercy, that we have not wandered so far in the deserts of sin as not to be able to return, that the judgments of God, and the fury of Satan have not precipi- tated us into everlasting ruin. let us now return unto the Shepherd and Bishop of our souls. 3. These words intimate that Christ has made a suffi- eient atonement for the sins of all men, or he could not MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 299 draw all men, for there is no other name under heaven whereby we can be saved, but through Christ. " I am the way, the truth, and the life ; " and that none might despair of mercy, he willingly gave his life a ransom for all, and graciously tasted death for every man, and his language to all men now is, come unto me all ye ends of the earth and be ye saved. 4. To draw, signifies to entice, or allure. The ministers of Christ are wise in winning souls as spiritual fishermen : they let down the net on the right side of the ship, and enclose a multitude of precious souls to the glory of God. The gospel is every way calculated to allure precious souls ; it is eyes to the blind, feet to the lame, liberty to the captive, food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, healtli to the sick, yea, life to the dead. In fact there is every thing in the gospel our souls can possi- bly need. Hear the Savior on this subject ; " Go, tell John, the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised up, and unto the poor the gospel is preached." 5. How does God entice and allure ? 1. Undoubtedly by the unction of his Spirit, by his as. cension into heaven the Holy Spirit descended : " When I go, I will send you another comforter, even the spirit of truth, and when the Holy Ghost is come, he will con- vince the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judg- ment." It is the office of the divine Spirit, to open the eyes of our understanding, and to purify our hearts by His refining influences. Let us, therefore, thus anoint our eyes with eye-salve, that we may see the things which belong to our peace, be- fore they are forever hid from our eyes. 800 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF 2. He will draw them bj tlic excellencv of his doctrine. It is so suitable, so ciicoura.^ing ; there is no state in the present life, to which it cannot administer comfort, and en- couragement to Christian believers, in temptation, afflic- tion, and death. 3. By the miracles attending the preaching of it. The High Priest of our profession did not choose the wise Scribe, or learned Rabbles ; but twelve fishermen, and those without the aid of secular interest or protection, ventured to propagate the doctrines of Christianity all abroad, at the hazard of their lives. Thus they healed the sick, raised the dead, cast out devils, vanquished their judges, confounded their adversaries ; so mightily grew the word of the Lord, and prevailed. They were stoned, imprisoned, and vilely treated : but the more Christianity was persecuted, the more the kingdom of Christ was ex- tended ; so that Jew and Gentile, were proselyted to the faith. 4. A variety of other means might be mentioned, such as the use of the press ; the Bible Society ; the prayers of the righteous ; Sunday School exertions ; the benevolence of the public. All powerful instruments, for pulling down the strong holds of ignorance, sin, and Satan. 5. Some think the text has reference to soldiers lifting up their banner,s in an enemy's country ; it certainly cor- responds with that notable prophecy in the eleventh of Isaiah, "And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth." The Captain of our salvation is now lifting up the invin- cible banner of the cross, and unto Him the nations of MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 301 The the earth arc returning ; flying as a cloud, and as doves to their windows ; the north is giving up, and the south is not keeping back. His sons are coming from far, and his daughters from the ends of the earth. Wo have abundant cause to rejoice in the prosperity of missionary exertions, and the numerous revivals of religion at the present day. May the ministers of Jesus cry aloud, speak and spare not ; lift up their voice like a trumpet, and declare unto Israel their sin, and unto the people their transgress- ion ; for if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle ? 6. It has been supposed, that our Lord had reference to the ancients, spoken of by Homer, who believed that Jupiter had a chain of gold, which he could at any time let down from heaven, and draw the earth and its inhabi- tants to himself. Though a fable, it may serve to illus- trate our Savior's design. Gold is pure ; the gospel is the pure word of God, and by its contents, purifies the soul of man ; the Word hnks, or unites all believers to Christ, and like gold, there is nothing so valuable as the gospel, except the soul it is designed to save. The gospel chain is so long, that it will reach round tba whole earth, and so strong in the hand of Omnipotence, that he will draw all in every nation who believe the gos- pel, up to heaven, to reign with him for ever. May we all be found in that happy circle. APPLICATION. 1. My dear friends, are you being drawn by the attract- ing magnet of the gospel, to the Lord Jesus Christ ? Do you experience the virtue of his death, and the power of his resurrection ? Has he quickened your souls together 26* 302 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF with him ? Are you risen with Christ, and seeking those things which arc above, where Christ sitteth at the right hand of God ? Has Christ done so miicli for yon, and will you refuse his kind offers and invitations ! ! what black ingratitude ! Did he die for you, an ignominious death, out of real pity, and mercy to your immortal spirits, and will you show no mercy, no compassion on your own souls ? Turn ye, turn ye, for why will ye die, ye house of Israel ? 2. God, in the words of the text, leaves you without ex- cuse ; he has made ample provision for your souls ; he in- vites,he allures, he declares himself a sufficient sacrifice for your sin. believe and enter into rest. 3. Happy are you who have fled to the standard of the cross and have entered into covenant with him. ! cleave unto him with purpose of heart, and he will save you for ever : But remember, wicked, disobedient soul, the text shall shortly be verified, the Lord Jesus shall be lifted up on his great white throne. Then will he draw all men unto him. All who have been unwilling to come at his kind invitation to the throne of grace, shall be compelled to come to the throne of judgment, and receive their final sentence. May you all now accept of mercy, through Jesus Christ, Amen. " 0, for n tninipe' voiro, On all the world to cull I To bid their hearts rejoice In him who died for all I For all my Lord was crucified : For all, for all, my Savior died ! " ISth. — thou, whoso all-seeing eye penetrates the most secret thought of every heart, give me unfeigned MRS. MARY RRADLEY. 303 thoso iirht 3 r _ u, and ! what ninious spirits, ur own 5 house out ex- he in- ifice for I of the I cleave you for the text e lifted all men his kind elled to sir final 1 Jesus •ates the ifeigned humility, lively faith, perfect love, and holy enjoyments; for I esteem thy favor ))cttcr than natural life. May I enjoy it in all its plenitude, for ever. 20///. — Rev. 8. Busby preached from Isaiah TjS : 1. " Who hath believed our report ? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? " May this interesting discourse, in its happy effects upon the minds of the hearers, be found after many days. " But 0, why this dull and Hfclcps fraine V Can they be worse wlio never heard thy name ? " Rev. W. Smithson preached from Rev. 20: 11, 12. " And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away, and there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God ; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life ; and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. Blessed be the name of tlie Lord for this evening's dis- course. May we all be prepared for death, judgment, and eternity, hearing the still, small voice saying unto us. This is the way, walk ye in it. 21th. — Rev. S. Busby preached from 1 John 3 : 10. " In this the children of God are manifest, and the chil- dren of the devil ; Avhosocvcr doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother." May we not be forgetful hearers of the word, but doers of the work. May those persons, whose consciences testify that they are not the children of God, be truly alarmed, and fly for refuge to the Lord Jesus, and never rest until 804 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF their hearts bo changed, and they become the children of God, in deed and in truth. " plorioiiH bliss ! blcssofl nhorlc ! I sliall 1)0 near, nml like my Goil ! " Mai/ Is^, 1834. — I rejoice in a prayer-hearing and a prayer-answering God ; may I be enabled to cleave to him with all the desires and affections of ray soul, and set out afresh in the divine life, so to run, that I may obtain the prize promised to all those who love and long for his ap- pearing. " Sweet the moments, rich In blessing, Which before the cross I spend ; Life, and health, and peace possessing, rrom the pinner's dying friend." 4^7i. — Rev. S. Busby preached from 1 Cor. 15 : 34. *' Awake to righteousness cand sin not ; for some have not the knowledge of God : I speak this to your shame." May those who have not obtained a knowledge of God, be truly humbled under a sense of their guilt and danger, and never rest without a knowledge of salvation, by the remis- sion of their sins. Rev. W. Smithson preached from Isa. bo : 6. " Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near." Glory be to thy name, Lord, for the infinite mercy, love, and goodness, extended to us thy unworthy creatures ; far from God, on the bleak mountains of sin and folly, ready to perish ; we hear thy voice, return and live ; for thy mercy endureth forever. " Take my poor heart and let it be, Forever closed to all but Thee ; Seal Thou my breast, and let me wear That pledge of lovo forever there." MRS. MARY BRADLFT. 805 11th. — Rev. A. De^^irisay preached from 2 Kings : 16. " And ho answered, fear nut : for they that he with lis, arc more tlian they tliat he with tliem." May this lii;^hly onc()ura;4in;^ |>ass5a;^e, aff'vd mo lasting conifurt, un- der all the future diiheuities of life, and greatly increase my faith in (Jod. Rev. 11. Daniel preaeliod from V^h. 1 : Dj, 14. " In Avhom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the >vor(l of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also, after that ye helievcd, ye were sealed with that Holy S[iirit of promise, which is the earnest of our inheritance, until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the jtraise of his glory." God has no child who is not a partaker of the Holy Ghost, and he who has this spirit, has God's seal that ho helongs to the heavenly family. And they who in the day of judgment are found to hear this seal, truth — truth in the inward parts, having truly repented, truly helicved, and having heen in consecpience truly justified, and truly sanctified, and having walked in truth and sincerity towards God and man, these are sealed to the day of re- demption ; for, having this seal, they are seen to have a right to eternal life. loth. — Blessed be the name of the Lord for the privi- lege of hearing his precious truth preached and liis name magnified. Great have heen his works of providence and grace, in bringing the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt by the hand of Moses and Aaron ; they went through the Red Sea on dry land. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night, to direct them until they arrived in the promised land. A beautiful figure of our spiritual journey through this world, until we arrive in 306 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF the heavenly Jerusalem above, guided by the great Cap- tain of our salvation. IGih. — " Thus far the Lord has led me on, Thus far his power prolongs my days, And every evening shall make known Some fresh memorial of his grace." ISth. — This morning Mr. II. preached from 1 Peter 1 : 8. " Whom having not seen, ye love ; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy un- speakable, and full of glory." Praise the Lord for the exalted privileges of his house ; reading and hearing the gospel. I pray that it may resemble the good seed on the good ground, and spring up and bear fruit abundantly. The Lord enable me to meditate much upon his holy Word, and give me an understanding heart. I ask not riches or length of days ; but that wisdom which cometh from above, unto which ail the riches on earth are not to be compared. *' If my Word abide in you, and ye abide in me, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be granted you." May no self exalting thought be suffered to have place in my mind or heart for one moment. It is Satan's design, by pride, if possible, to rob Christians of their armor, and weaken all the graces of the spirit, so that they lose the power and inclination to resist him. Lord help me to watch and pray, and strive to walk in the narrow way, until all the work of grace be completed, and I safely reach the fountain of joy and the life of my delights. " 0, what shall I do my Savior to praise, So faithful and true, so plenteous in grace ; So strong to deliver, so good to redeem, The weakest believer that hangs upon him ! " 25th. — Rev. R. Williams preached from 1 Cor. 9 : 24. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 307 eat Cap- Peter 1 : n, though h joy un- i for the aring the Bed on the itly. The oly Word, : riches or 'om above, compared. J, ye shall May no I my mind by pride, weaken all ower and and pray, le work of ;aln of joy " Know ye not that they which run in a race, run all : but one receiveth the prize ? So run that ye may obtain." The apostle places the Christian race in contrast to the Isthmian games, in which, though all run, only one received the prize ; in this, if all run, all will receive the prize. *' The race we all are running now ; And if I first attain, They, too, their willing heads shall bow, They, too, the prize shall gain." Rev. W. Smithson preached from Acts 8 : 35. " Then Philip opened his mouth, end began at the same Scripture, and preached unto him Jesus." What a mercy that ever the blessed name of Jesus was introduced into this world ; that ever our ears heard the joyful sound of salvation, through the atonement of Jesus Christ. *' Why was I made to liear His voice, And enter while there 's room ; While thousands make the wretched choice. And rather starve than come." Glory be to God, for his unbounded love ! The Lord prepare me for the approaching Sabbath ; all its important duties and delightful services ; may ho eradicate from my mind whatever would hinder the opera- tion of his Holy Spirit ; may my soul be greatly refreshed, and strongly fortified against all the assaults of Satan. " How very weak I am, My Savior well can see ; how exceeding short I come, Of what I ought to be ! " or. 9 : 24. June !«?, 1834. — Rev. S. Busby preached from Deut. m LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OP 33 ; 29. " Happy art thou, Israel : who is like unto tliec, people saved hy the Lord." 0, the happiness of Israel ! it is ineifahle, inconceivable, because they arc a people saved by the Lord — have such a salvation as it becomes the perfections of God to bestow ; he is their help, their never-failing strength, and the shield of that help ; he defends their defence, saves them and preserves them in the state of salvation. Rev. A. McNutt preached from Matt. 5: 20. " I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven." Unless your righteousness take in, not only the letter, but the spirit and design of the moral and ritual precept — the one directing you how to walk so as to please God ; the otlier pointing out Christ, the great atonement, through and by which a sinner is enabled to do so — it is no more than that of the scribes and Pharisees, who only attended to the letter of the law, and had indeed made even that of no effect by their traditions. I have greatly enjoyed this day's sittings under the droppings of the sanctuary. May I always have in exer- cise that faith which brings salvation to the soul, unites me to God, keeps me humble, meek, and lowly. Sth. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from 2 Thes. 3 : 1. *' Finally, brethren pray for us, that the Word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified even as it is with you." I pray to be cleansed from all sin, having an utter detestation and abhorrence of it, and the very appearance of it ; and that every temper and disposition in me may be subdued and sanctified ; that all my powers may unite to praise the Lord. I trust that the exhortation to pray MRS. MAUY BRADLEY. 309 ke unto liness of ;y are a 311 as it is their of that reserves " I say ceed the ill in no 3SS your pirit and lirecting pointing which a it of the letter of ffect by ider the in exer- nites me !S. 3 : 1. :he Lord t is with an utter )carance me may ay unite I to pray for our ministers, and for all mankind, will have a good effect. Rev. R. Williams preached from Matt. IG : 20. " For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul ? or what shall a man give in ex- change for his soul ? " The salvation of the soul is diffi- cult, necessary, and important. The world, the devil, and a man's own heart, ai'c opposed to his salvation ; therefore it is difficult. The soul was made for God, and can never he united to him nor be happy, till saved from sin : there- fore it is necessary. lie who is saved from his sin, and united to God, possesses the utmost felicity that the human soul can enjoy, either in this or the coming world ; there- fore this salvation is important. May the solemn truths spoken this evening, deeply im- press the minds of the people to be more diligent and faith- ful, to make their caUing and election sure. 11^/i. — I feel the force of the admonition, " Fret not thyself because of evil doers, neither be thou envious against the workers of inifpiity ; " having felt strongly tempted to indulge a hard spirit against an individual upon sundry occasions. May the designs of Satan against me be entirely defeated ; the Spirit of the Lord lifting up a standard against him ; and by giving me grace and strength to conquer all my inward and outward foes. Great is the mercy and love of Christ to me, that ho should have suf- fered the loss of all things, " My worthless heart to gain, The God of uU thiit breathe, W'as found in I'asliion as a man, And died a cursed deatli. (><• 310 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF " Thonpli late I all forsake, My friends, my all resign; Gr.acious Redeemer, take, take, And seal rnc ever tliine I " lith. — How empty are all worldly enjoyments, short of the love of God, that inexhaustible fountain of bliss and happiness ; briars and thorns strew all the ways of life, but glory be to that kind friend who has promised rest, and gone to prepare mansions above, where trees of life bear fruits of love. 16th. — Rev. S. Busby preached from Matt. 6: 10. *' Thy kingdom come." The ancient Jews scrupled not to say, He prays not at all, in whose prayers there is no mention of the kingdom of God. They were accustomed to say, Let him cause his kingdom to reign, and his re- demption to flourish ; and let the Messiah speedily come and deliver his people ; the universal sway of the sceptre of Christ ; God has promised that the kingdom of Christ shall be exalted above all kingdoms. — Dan. 7 : 16 - 27. Rev. W. Smithson preached from 2 Cor. 6:2. " Be- hold, now is the accepted time ; behold, now is the day of salvation." 0, may thy kingdom come in deed and in truth, with power into my heart and the hearts of all man- kind. May all our eftbrts be directed to the glory of thy holy name, and may my heart bo continually aspirin <>• after thee, the great source of all happiness, light, life, and glory ; 0, fill my heart with thy likeness, that it may reflect the same imcige in its degree. " Thy side an open fountain is, Wlijrc all may freely go, And drink the living streams of bliss, And wash them white as snow." MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 811 !, short iss and of life, ;st, and fe bear 6: 10. led not re is no istomed I his re- ly come sceptre Christ tt.6-27. "Be- day of and in all man- of thy ng after ife, and y reflect 11th. — 0,how swiftly short ! time is flitting into eternity. If thou "wast strict to mark mv defects, and I had no in- tercessor, what would become of me ? Heaven bless my dear companion ; I thank thee for sparing him to me so long ; bless all near and dear to me by the ties of nature ; may we all be found in the ranks of the glorified. 19^A. — When I read in the book of Providence, which has been opened to me in mercy ever since I have been able to comprehend and reflect, I am astonished at the goodness, patience, and forbearance, and admire the riches of grace, so bountifully extended to me : but when I survey the wonderful works of creation, the scheme of redemption, wisdom, love, pity, sacrifice, atonement, resur- rection, and ascension, and intercession of my dear Re- deemer, I am lost in thouglit, I am straightened in lan- guage, I am as nothing before thee ! " coulil I lose myself in tlico, TJiy depth of mercy prove. Thou Yii«t, niiftithomablc sea Of unexhausted love I 22c?. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from James 4 : 7, 8. " Submit yourselves, therefore, to God., Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners, and purify your hearts, ye double-minded." He, Avho in the terrible name of Jesus, opposes even the devil himself, is sure to have a speedy and glorious con- quest. He flees from that name, and from his conquering blood. Sanctification belongs to the heart, because of pollution of mind ; cleansing belongs to the hands, because of sinful acts. 312 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF When a soul sets out to seek God, God sets out to meet that soul ; so that while we arc drawing near to him, he is drawin<2: near to us. l?ev. S. Busby preached from IIcItcws 9 : 27. " It is appointed unto men once to die : but after this the judg- ment." A funeral sermon, for Miss S. Hutchison, who died happy in the Lord. May this be both warning and encouragement to our young friends, to remember their Creator in the days of their youth. Behold now is the accepted time, behold now is the day of salvation. •' Time, wliat an empty vnpor 'tis, And 'lays, haw swift they are ; Swift as nil Indian's arrow flies, And like a shooting star." 2dt7i. — Bcv. S. Busby preached from Rom. 8 : 13. " Fur as many are led by the spirit of God, they are the sons of God." The Spirit of God is the great agent here below, to en- ligliten, quicken, strengthen, and guide the true disciples of Christ ; and all who are born of this spirit are led and guided by it ; and none can pretend to be the children of God, who are not thus guided by it. " Come, Holy Ghost, for thee I call. Spirit of burning, come I " B.ev. W. Smithson preached from Ps. 40 : 3, 4, 5. " Our God shall come, and shall not keep silence : a fire shall devour before him, and it shall be very tempestuous round about him. " He shall call to the heavens from above, and to the earth, that he may judge his people. meet m, he '' It is 1, who ig and V their is the JMRS. MARY BRADLEY. 313 ^ : 13. are the to en- isciples ;d and Iren of 1, 4, 5. a fire estuous to the a Gather my saints together unto me ; those that have made a covenant with me b}' sacrifice." " The approach of the judge is proclaimed. Our God shall come. The trumpet proclaims his approach : He shall not keep silence. Universal nature shall be shaken ; the earth and its work^i be burnt up. The witnesses are summoned ; He shall call to the heavens from above, and to the earth, that he may judge his people. Orders are issued ; we are told who they are Avho shall enter into the joy of their Lord : Gather my saints together unto me — those who have entered into union with God, through the sacrificial offering of our Lord Jesus Christ. All the rest are passed over in silence. All, therefore, who do not answer this description, are excluded from glory." Jail/ Is^, 1884. — May the Lord give me patience under the many triJs I am called to pass through in this life ; may they all work for me a far more exceeding and eter- nal weight of glory ; while I look not at the things which are seen, but at those only, which are seen by an eye of faith. " This journey is a thorny maze : But we march upward still, Forget the troubles of the way, And look to Zion's hill." Qth. — Rev. W. Smithson conducted the service. The singing was delightful ; I ever before discovered such beauty in the harmony of voices, in the house of God, con- ducted witl> such regularity, spirit, and life, so pleasing and edifying to the hearers, and suitable in divine worship ; an emblem of heaven. " Savior, take the power and glory ; claim the kingdoms for thine own ! Jah ! Jehovah I everlasting God ! come down." 27* 314 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF I'Hth. — Tl\e Lord is my refuge, and strength, a present help in every time of troul)lc. I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall continually be in my mouth. May he reign in me to the utter exclusion of all sin, and every thing that is opposed to my progress in holiness. I want to glorify God at all times, and say under all my trials and afflictions, it is the Lord, let him do what seemeth to him good. \'3th. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from Acts 13 : 38, 39. *' Be it known unto you, therefore, men and brethren, that through this man is preached unto you the forgiveness of sins ; " And by him all that believe are justified from all things, from which ye could not he justified by the law of Moses." Glory be to God for his unspeakable gifts for the mani- festation of the Son of God, to take away our sin ; how refreshing to my soul is the gospel. " If such the sweetness of tlie stream, What must tlie fountain be V Where saints and angels draw their bliss Immediately from thee." 17^/i. — Blessed be the Lord for his sparing mercy, while so many of our cotemporaries are being called into eternity. Bless the Lord, for having early in life called me into the enjoyment of his light and love, and given me a bright prospect of happiness beyond the grave, which hope is still as an anchor within the veil. I do know by happy experience, that it is not a vain thing to cast my burden upon the Lord : they who trust in him shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abide th forever. I depend upon the precious promises of God, that he will neither leave nor forsake me. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 315 ■>rcsent I at all May [ every I want als and to hira ts 13 : en and you the 1 things, Moses." le mani- n ; how mercy, lied into e called iven me which know by cast my all be as forever. ,t he will " Say ye to the daughter of Zion, Behold thy salvation Cometh ; Behold, his reward is with him, and his work be- fore him." Isa. 02 : 11. 22d. — My heavenly Father, enable rao to live to thee, walk with thee, talk of thee, enjoy thee ; and may it be all my delight to do thy holy and blessed will. Touch my heart as with a live coal from off thine altar, and may it burn and flame with love, gratitude, and praise, to the triune God forever. " Blessed Jesu?!, what rlelicions fare, How sweet thine entertainments are. Never diil angels taste above Kedeeming grace and dying love." 21th. — Rev. "W. Smithson preached from Matt. 24 : 44. " Therefore, be ye also ready : for in such an hour as ye think not, the Son of man cometh." The Lord impress the minds of the careless, with a solemn sense of their danger, while indulging in the fleshly mind with the idea of pleasurable worldly enjoyment. Reli- gion is the Only thing that can make them happy in this world, and if they die without it, they can never be happy. May they sec the hateful nature of sin ; which turned the angels out of heaven, Adam out of Paradise, and brought temporal death upon all the human family ; and upon all the finally impenitent, death spiritual and eternal. How will they appear before their Judge, who live and die in their sins, unpurged and unforgiven, far distant from the living God, as far as hell from heaven ? " Xo room for mirth or trifling hero, For worldly hope, or worldly fear, If life so soon is gone : If now the Jndge is at the door, And all mankind must stand before The inexorable throne I "' 316 LIB^E AND EXPERIENCE OF Augmt Ist, 1834. — Almighty and ever livin;^ God, the maker of heaven and earth, and all things visible and invisible, the fountain of all comfort and enjoyment ; thy love is unbounded, the foundation of all happiness, present and future ; we are the clay, and thou art the potter, who hast formed us out of the dust of the earth, breathed into our nostrils the breath of life, and we become living souls tliat must exist to all eternity. Notwithstanding our crea- tion in the image of God, we have lost it by sin, and all like sheep gone astray : but blessed be the God of all grace, who hath loved, and pitied us, and was born for us ; suffered the curse due to our sins ; died to atone for sin, that he might save us from its penalty and guilt, justify us freely, and save us eternally. I pray that the whole salvation of the gospel may be accomplished in my soul, and in all for whom I am in duty bound to pray ; and 0, this salvation unto the likeness and presence of God ! how great, who can tell ? 3c?. — Rev. S. Busby preached from 1 Corinth. 3 : 21. *' For all things are yours." He that has God for his por- tion has every thing that can make him happj' and glori- ous : all are his. " The church and the soul are a building, of which God is the master and chief architect ; Jesus Christ the main foundation ; the apostles, the subordinate architects ; the bishops, the workmen ; the priests, their helpers ; good works, the main body of the building ; faith, a sort of second foundation ; and charity, the top perfection. Happy is that man who is a living stone in this building." — Qidsnel. Glory be to thy name, Lord, for Christian privileges, and for so many encouraging promises, and for so many tokens of divine, special care over us. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. IT " Sweot peace thy promifos nfTord, And give now 2:trenj,'tli to faintiiifr souls." lOth. — Rev. S. Bus1)y preached from Psalm 84 : 11. *' For the Lord God is a sun and sliield : the Lord will give grace and glory : no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. "Gives grace to pardon, purify, and save the soul from sin ; and glory to the sanctified in his eternal kingdom ; and even here he withholds no good thing from them that walk uprightly. '* ThouiTh fate command me to tlie farthest verge of the gi-een earth : Yet God is ever present, ever felt, In the wide Avaste as in tliecity full ; And when Ho vital breathes, tiiere must be joy." 12fh. — Justice and judgment are the habitations of thy throne. give to thy ministering servants who are intrusted with the enforcement of Christian discipline, that wisdom which cometli down from above ; that their decis- ions may tend to heal the wounded mind ; restore peace and happiness, and that Satan, with all his combined craft and force, may be defeated, and that Jesus may rule and reign King of Kings, and Lord of all to the glory of God. I thank thee, for refreshing showers of rain ; may the plentiful effusions of the Holy Spirit, the residue and j)len- iiude whereof, is with thee, descend upon us, to refresh, and purify us, and render us faithful in all righteousness ; that Zion may be unto thee for a name, and a praise in the earth. llth. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from 2 Tim. 4 : 6, 7, 8. " For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. 318 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF "I hfivc fouglit a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith : '* ilcncefortli tliore is hiid up fur mc a crown of righteous- ness, wliich the Lord, the righteous Judge, shall give mo at that day : and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his apjjcaring." How necessary is st'lfcxamination, on hearing subjects relating to death, and a preparation for it ; the judgment ; the crown of rigliteousucss, which the Lord, the righteous Ju.lgc, shall give at that day. The great resurrection day, when the graves of those •who have been deposited for thousands of years, and the recent dead, "with those who shall be changed in a mo- ment, at the last trump, to take their stand before the Judge in that day ; to give an account of the deeds done in the body. 0, may I so live on earth, as I shall wish I had done, when I shall be called to pass that solemn scru- tiny ; that I may lift up my head with joy ; there to appear, " Clotlied with that best wedding dress, The robe of Jesus' righteousness." '20th. — May I begin, spend, and end the day with the thoughts, love, and presence of the Lord, and with the assistance and teaching of the Holy Spirit, without whose gracious aid, I cannot do any thing pleasing to thee. " joyful sound of goF^pel grace I Christ shall in me appear ; I, even I, shall see his face ; I sliall be holy here." me 24f/i. — Rev. S. Busby preached from Ezek. 11 : 19. " And I will give them one heart, and I will put a new MRS. MARY BRADLKT. 319 spirit within you ; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them an heart offloHh." I now rejoice that in the days of youth, my mind was so ])owerrully impressod with the necessity of a change of heart, being born again in the S[»irit. \Vhen thou saidest, seek ye n\y face, my heart replied, thy face Lord will I seek. My understanding was enlightened to discover that consideration was the first step to conversion ; and religion was heart work, wrought by the sjiirit of (iod ; and the axe was so laid to the root of my corrupt, dei)raved nature, that I had no rest, by reason of sorrow for sin ; not merely because it exposed me to eternal perdition, but because it was so offensive in the sight of God. A view of the sufferings of Christ, and the atonement made for sin, to procure my pardon, fdlcd me with such an overwhelming sense of his love, and a full determination to renounce myself, and sinful nature, and never indulge in any thing forbidden in his holy Word, but to persevere to the end of life, in the uninterrupted exercises of adora- tion and praise for his kindness, in pardoning and adopting me into his family, and delivering me from those torment- ing fears, to which I had been so long subject, and giving me a blessed hope of happiness beyond the grave. Purity of heart, is Avhat I aim at ; that for whicli I long, and that in which I delight. God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, my choice, ray hope, my rest, my rejoicing, and my glory. Slsf. — liev. "\V. Smitlison preached from 1 John 3 : '2. " Beloved now arc we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be : but we know, that when he shall appear, we shall be like him ; for we shall see him as he is." 320 LIFR AND EXPERIENCE OF John had seen his glory on the Mount, when he was transfigured ; and this we find was ineffably grand ; but even this must have been partially obscured, in order to enable the disciples to bear the sight, for they were not then like him. But when they shall be like him, they shall see him as he is, in all the splendor of his infinite majesty. 0, how much I desire a full preparation for the consum- mate blessedness of my Savior's appearing to judge the world. September Isf, 1834. — This day I am sixty-three years of age. 0, my heavenly Father, what abundant cause I have to adore and praise thee, for the many benefits I en- joy, Avhile I might have been cut down as a cumberer of the ground ; but I continually enjoy that for which I be- stowed no labor. " So you, ye birds, of wond'roiis skill possess'd. Not for yourselves construct the curious nest. So you, yc sheep, who roam the verdant field, Not for yourselves your snowy fleeces yield. So you, ye bees, who every flower explore, Not for yourselves amass the honied store. So you, ye ])atient kine, inured to toil, Not for vourselves subdue the stubborn soil ! " May I see more clearly the excellencies of my adorable Redeemer, from whose benevolence I obtain the bread and water of life, the garments of salvation, the oil of joy ; and drawn by the silken cord of divine love, give up myself and all I have his name to glorify, and witness in this solemn hour for him to live and die. 1th. — Rev. S. Busby preached from Acts 12 : 24. But the Word of God grew and multiplied." " As grain, it grew, the stalk and the ear; it was mul- u MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 321 1 he was md; but order to were not ;hey shall majesty, consum- udge the tree years cause I efits I en- tnberer of lich I be- adorable bread and ■joy ; and ivself and lis solemn 12 : 24. ; vras mul- tiplied as the corn is in the full ear. It was liberally sown ; it grew vigorously, and became greatly multiplied. And why ? Because it was the Word, the doctrine of God ; there was no corruption in it ; and because God watered it with the dew of heaven from on high." " In many a soul, ^nd mine, Tliou hast displayed thy power ; But to thy people join, Ten thousand thousand more ; Saved from the guilt and stren 332 LIFE AND exi'i:iui;nce of lOth. — Jllosscd bo the Lord, for another witness of his 8in-for;.M.vin<^ and soul-savin^j; f^racc, in the relief and com- fort of his handmaid, before her 8;)irit took its fliglit into a worUl unknown. May this solemn instance i)rove a warn- ing to the careless, and an encouragement to the pious, to pray and never faint. " DyiiiR, slio hoard tlio woloome sound, And pardon in His morcy (bund." 13//i. — Blessed Jesus, what poor returns do I, can I make to thee, for such mercy shown, life spent, pain en- dured, and blood shed, to redeem a guilty world from the bondage of sin and death ! "He spent Hislifo, He spilt his blood, To bring U3 rebels near to God." 14th. — Rev. S. B. preached from Acts 19 : 2. " Ho said unto them, Have ye received the Holy Ghost since yo believed ?" . It was the common privilege of the disciples of Christ to receive, not only the ordinary graces, but also the ex- traordinary gifts of the Holy Spirit ; in this the disciples of Christ differed from those of John, and of all others. John baptized with water ; Jesus baptized with the Holy Ghost. And to this day the genuine disciples of Christ are distinguished from all false religionists, and from nom- inal Christians, by being made partakers of his Spirit, which enlightens their minds, and convinces of sin, righte- ousness, and judgment ; quickens their souls, witnesses to their consciences that they are the children of God, and purifies their hearts. I feel thankful for the privilege of hearing the truth do- MKS. MAIIY UUADLIiV. 333 ess of his and com- ^ht iuto a c a warn- I pious, to livercd in such a ploasini:; and profitable variety ; it was a feast of fat thin;^s, a satisfying portion to my soul. I sin- cerely pray that as I have put on the Lord Jesus, so I may walk with him, and feast upon him from day to day. *' My soul for nil Ills fiiltiO)«s crle?, Nothing loss will mc suflice ! " ) I, can I t, pain en- from the 2. " Ho st since vo of Christ [so the ex- e disciples all others. the Holy of Christ from nom- his Spirit, sin, righte- itnesses to ■ God, and le truth do- 20lh. — 0, what beauty I discover in true religion I It is a path that shincth brighter and brighter unto the per- fect day ; while I hold fust the beginning of my confidence steadfast unto the end. May I follow the Lord closely, love him supremely, trust him firmly ; and when my pil- grimage on earth shall be finished, may he receive mo to endless glory. 2 LsY. — Rev. ^\. S. preached from 1 Thess. 5 : 9. " For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salva- ti(m by our Lord Jesus Christ." When the Jews were rejected, and appointed to wrath, then the Gentiles were elected, and appointed to obtain salvation by oiy Lord Jesus Christ, whose gospel they gladly received, and con- tinue to prize ; while the remnant of the Jews continue, in all places of their dispersion, the same irreconcilable and blasphemous opponents of the gospel of Christ. On these accounts the election of the Gentiles and the reprobation of the Jews still continue. My blessed Savior has opened a door of mercy for me and all mankind ; salvation full and free, and all who seek may find. 25th. — Rev. S. B. preached from 1 John 3:8." For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil." For this very end, with 29 331 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF t-i this very design, that he might loose the bonds of sin, dis- solve the power, influence, and connection of sin. " Search, prove my liourt, it pants for Thee, 0, burst these bonds and set it free, Wash out its stains, refine its dross, Nail my afTections to Thy cross." Rev. W. S. preached from Luke 2: 9-14. "And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them ; and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, fear not: for be- hold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, Avhich shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, Avhich is Christ the Lord." What gratitude it ought to excite in us to know what interest those superior Beings have taken in the instruction, com- fort, and salvation of fallen, rebellious man ; and particu- larly, that " The God of all that breathe. Was found in fashion as a man, • * And died a cursed death." 21th. — Ilev. S. B. preached from Proverbs 23 : 18. " For surely there is an end, and thine expectation shall not be cut off." " There is another life ; and thy expectation of the en- joyment of a blessed immortality shall not be cut off. Wherefore, seeing that all these things are to be dissolved, what manner of persons ought avc to be in all holy conversa- tion and godliness ? " May I order all my affairs with discre- tion ; that my house may be set in order, and my heart right in the sigb*^ of God and towards all mankind, that peace, love, and joy may abound, through our Lord Jcsua Christ. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 335 s of sin, dis- sin. 14. " And d the glory sy were sore lot : for bc- lich shall be , in the city ;d." What hat interest notion, com- and particu- 31st. — Another year just gone I 0, how many of my fellow creatures have been called into eternity since its commencement, and I am yet spared. The year has been crowned with goodness ; mercies have been multiplied, and my companion, though afflicted, mercifully spared. My obligations and accountability have alike increased, and opportunities for doing and getting good afforded me ; all tend to lay me low, even as in the dust of self-abasement before the Lord ; yet I gratefully adore him for the past, and humbly trust him for all the future. I'he Lord be with us in the religious exercises of the watch-night, who are about to meet to close the old and open the new year, with singing and prayer. " And wlicii our meetings on earth are o'er, May wc meet again, wlierc pain and parting are no more; And as now is, and sliall forever be, To Fatlier, Son, and Holy Ghost, who sweetly all agree, To save a world of sinners lost, eternal gl'iry be." •bs 23 : 18. Nation shall [1 of the en- be cut off. )e dissolved, )ly conversa- ; with discre- d mv heart ankind, that Lord Jcsua fTanuari/ lst,18oi}. — I thank the Lord for the bless- ings Avhich I have enjoyed this day. May I make a wise improvement of the short space of time allotted me, to evince the sincerity of the covenant cni;-a;rcmcnt3 into which I entered in the chapel. Forty-eight years ago this day I first entered into a solemn covenant cnira foment to be the Lord's : to walk in his holy ways, and forsake all sin, under a full conviction that without holiness I could not see his face. I feel thank- ful that in the days of my 3'outh and ignorance, I was shown the necessity of a clean heart. I pray that I may go on from grace to grace, until I shall be found perfect in Christ Jesus ; by faith obtaining the promises, to conquer 3S6 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF self and sirij and put my feet on the necks of all ray spir- itual enemies. *' Far, far away must Satan fly, Nor think rnc captive to detain ; For Jesn?, wlien he deigned to die, My bondage burst, and broke my chain." 4th. — Blessed be the Lord for the privilege of his earthly courts, worshipping under our own vine and fig-tree, none daring to make us afraid. I was greatly rejoiced at the ability, strength, and talent, with which Mr. Nisbet spoke from Psalms 84 : 11. " For the Lord God is a sun and shield ; the Lord will give grace and glory : no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." T^Liy the truths adduced in this interesting discourse greatly comfort and strengthen the minds of God's Israel, in their journey to the promised land. May the love of God so delight my soul, that no object may intervene ; but that I may pray, rejoice, and give thanks always. An alarm of fire has been made to-dav, but the blow has been suspended. j\Iy nervous weakness is so great, that I am seriously affected A\ith the dismal cry of fire, which has destroyed so many cities, and villages, and people, and property ; and at last the great globe itself must be rolled together as a parchment scroll and all in smoke expire. May this city be preserved and spared, that my eyes may never witness the destruction of it, but may the angels of God keep it, and may true religion prosper and revive in the midst of it, that thousands of ])recious immortal souls may be raised up to join the heavenly hosts above in eter- nal praise and adoration to Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 337 I ray spir- ge of his d fig-tree, ^ rejoiced [r. Nisbet d is a sun ; no good :)ri'j:litlv." discourse I's Israel, le love of ,'cne ; but ys. An has been :liat I am vhich has ople, and be rolled e expire, eyes may angels of revive in »rtal souls e in eter- ly Ghost. 10th. — Preaching from Psalms, " Create in me a clean heart, God." May this be the prayer of every soul, until sin be all destroyed. 0, what beauty did I discover in the worship of God this day ! Glory be to his holy name for the whole scheme of redemption, through the atonement which infinite wisdom has contrived, and bound- less mercy has accomplished, in Jesus Christ our Lord. Thou art worthy, Lord, ten thousand times ten thousand more than men or angels can ever ascribe unto thee. *' O'erwhelmcd with thy stupendous grace, I shall not in tliy presence move ; But breathe unutterable praise, And rapturous awe and silent love." 11th. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from Mark 4 : 3-0. " Behold, there went out a sower to sow. And it cnme to pass as he sowed, some fell by the way-side, and tho ' wis of the air came and devoured it up. And some f.u n stony ground, where it had not much earth ; and immediately it sprang up, because it had no depth of earth. But when the sun was up, it was scorched ; and because it hand no root, it withered away. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit. And other fell on good ground, and did yield fruit that sprang up, and increased, and brought forth, some thirty, and some sixty, and some an hundred. And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear." Let it be observed, that to hear, to understand, and to bring forth fruit, are the three grand evidences of a genu- ine believer. He who does not hear the word of wisdom cannot understand what makes for his peace ; and he 129* 338 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF who (loos not understand what the gospel requires him to be and and to perform, cannot bring for thfruit ; and he who is not very fruitful, cannot be a disciple of Christ ; and he who is not Christ's discii)le, cannot enter into the kingdom of God. Let it be further observed, that the unfruitfulness of the different lands, was not owing to bad seed or an unskilful sower ; but because they were careless, inattentive, and worldly-minded. I beseech the Lord to crown the labor of those who have sown seed in his vineyard to day ; may it be greatly blessed to the ears and hearts on which it fell ; to enhghten the understandings of those who are dark and ignorant ; may the good spirit reach every capacity. Rev. Mr. D. preached from Acts 28 : 28. '' Be it known therefore unto you, that the salvation of God is sent unto the Gentles, and that they will hear it." God is a wonder-working, all-powerful, all-wise, and gra- cious Being ; full of compassion, and " Moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform." When I was first moved to consider the dreadful state of the world by reason of sin, and being fully persuaded that a great change would take place in the world, and that the time was near, and that it would occur suddenly, I frequently expected that it would burst forth as on the day of Pentecost. Many times in the congregation, I would be looking for a miraculous out-pouring of the Holy Spirit upon the assembl}'- ; and would feel quite disappointed, because there was no uncommon movement on the minds of the people. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 339 uires him it ; and he Df Christ ; n* into the [less of the 1 unskilful ntive, and those who be greatly > enlighten ignorant ; . '' Be it jod is sent e, and gra- adful state persuaded world, and • suddenly, 1 as on the on, I would loly Spirit sappointed, the minds From my own feelings, I had imbibed the idea that the Lord would raise up such a church as had never before existed on earth, for holiness and extension, and magnify his Holy name, and shew forth his power, and glory every where. I have been for many years eyeing with care the work- ings of Providence, in the many changes both in the polit- ical and religious world, and have thought sometimes I could see the cloud arise, little as a human hand, and that which the little stone cut out of the mountain without hands prefigured, which should fill the whole earth. Since the Bible Society, Missionary Societies, Sunday School, Tract Societies, and Temperance Associations have been formed ; these all being in active operation, are so many instruments in the hand of the Lord, to make the crooked straight, and the rough j)laces smooth. However I may have been mistaken as to the time, and the manner of bringing about the world's regeneration, I still hope and pray that the means employed, may be suc- ceeded by the divine blessing ; that all the ends of the earth may see the time, when Jesus shall reign King of nations, as he now reigns King of saints. 25//i. — Rev. S. Busby preached from 1 Tim. 6 : 11. " But thou, man of God, flee these things : and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meek- ness. rv J5 rhou, who hast taken God for thy portion, and art seek- ing a city that hath foundations, whose builder is the liv- ing God, flee these things. Escape for thy life. Follow after righteousness, justice, and uprightness in all thy deal- ings with men ; godliness — a thorough conformity to the image of God and mind of Christ ; faith in Jesus, and in 340 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF M''. K all that ho has spoken ; and ficleHtj to the talents thou hast received, and the office with which thou art intrusted. What shall I render to the blessed Jesus ? who gave himself up a sacrifice to atone for sin, without which, I never could have found pardon, No, I must have suffered under the penalty of the broken law to all eternity : But a sure remedy is found for all in Jesus' name. Feb. Id. — Rev. W. Smithson preached from John 14 : C). " I am the way, the truth, and the life ; no man com- eth unto the Father, but by me. Christ is the way : By his doctrine, by his example, by his sacrifice, by his Spirit. He is the truth : in opposition to all false religion ; to the Mosaic law, which was only the shadow, not the truth or substance of the good things which were to come. And in respect to all the promises of God, lie is the life, both in grace and glory ; the life that not only saves from death, but destroys it. No man cometh unto the Father, by any other doctrine, by any other merit, or by any other intercession than mine. My adorable Savior, who was once a man of sor- rows and acquainted with grief, is now on the throne of grace and glory, high and lifted up ; whose train filleth the heaven of heavens. Hallelujah ! the Lord omnipo- tent reigneth. 6th. — I feel my obligations to love and praise the Lord for having brought me out of my former state of darkness, ignorance, fear, and terror ; a guilty conscience, a hard heart ; not knowing how to pray, nor for what to pray ; nor did I know the Lord as a friend ; but feared him, as an enemy. But blessed be the Lord for an enlightened mind, a new heart, a spiritual birth, redemption, a hope of MRS. MARY I3RADLEY. 341 lents thou intrusted, ■who gave - Avhich, I c suffered lity : But John 14: man coin- ample, by igion ; to the truth )me. And ! life, both •om death, ' doctrine, ssion than lan of sor- throne of •ain filleth d omnipo- ! the Lord darkness, ce, a hard t to pray ; id him, as ^lightened , a hope of 5 heaven, through sactification of the Spirit, and belief of the truth. I want a constant supply of grace, and a fresli manifestation of divine love. " Kvory momont, Lord, I nooi!, Tlic merits of thy dcatli." S7/h — Rev. S. B. preached from Ephes. 3 : 10-10. " That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened ^vith might by his Spirit in the inner man ; " Tliat Chri. nay ell in your heart.. '-^ laith ; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, " May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height ; " And to know the love of Christ, which passelh knowl- edge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God." But what can the aposth^ mean by the breadth, lengtli, depth, and height, of the love of God ? Imagination can scarcely frame any satisfactory answer to this question. It takes in the eternity of God. God is love ; and in that, an infinity of breadth, length, depth, and height, is included ; or all are lost in this immensity. It comprehends all tliat is above, all that is below, all that is past, and all that is to come. In reference to human beings, the love of God, in its breadth, is a girdle that encompasses the globe ; its length reaches from the eternal purpose of the mission of Christ, to the eternity of blessedness which is to be spent in liis inettable glories ; its depth reaches to the lowest fallen of the sons of Adam, and to the deepest depravity of the human heart ; and its height to the throne of Christ. 342 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF 15th. — Rev. W. S. |)rcachcd from Isaiah 35: 10. *' And the niusomcJ of the Lord shall return, and come to Zion with son.^s and everlasting joy upon their heads : they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee awa}'." llow happy arc the souls freed from the bondage of sin and Satan I and why should any remain in thraldom, since the atonement is made, the great redemp- tion price paid, and justice fully satished V The purifying Livers and fountain oF mercy ; tlie living high Piiest, and his prevailing advocac}' ; the exalted King, with his ])ower to deliver ; are all ready, Avaiting the sinner's acceptance ; being sought, to ho exercised in his salvation, to cause sor- row and sighing to ilec away forever, and the oil of joy, and garments of praise to fill and adorn his soul. 0, joy- ful sound of gospel grace ! '22c?. — Rev. S. B. preached from John G : 27. " La- bor not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endurcth unto everlasting Hfe, which the Son of man shall give unto vou : for him hath God the Father sealed." lie w'ho labors not in the work of his salvation, is never Hkely to enter into the kingdom of God. Though our labor cannot purchase it, either in Avhole or in part, yet it is the way in which God chooses to give salvation, and he that will have heaven must strive for it. Every thing that can be possessed, except the salvation of God, is a perishing thing ; this is its essential character, it can last to us no longer than the body lasts. But, Avhen the earth and its produce are burnt \ip, this bread of Christ, his grace and salvation, Avill be found remaining unto eternal life. This is the portion after which an immortal spirit should seek. As a person who wishes to coniinunicatc his mind to MUS. MAllY BUALLKY. 343 I 35: 10. , and como leii' heads : ind si^hini' cd from the f remain in sat redcmp- puritying Priest, and h his })owei' cccptancc ; cause sor- oil of joy, 1. 0,joy- !27. " La- that meat Son of man cr scaled." n, is never 'honij-h our lart, yet it on, and he ']very thing God, is a , it can last n the earth Christ, his nto eternal ortal spirit is mind to another ^Yho is at a distance writes a letter, seals it with his own seal, and sends it directed to the person for whom it was written, so Clirist, who lay in t!»o bo«LnV. 847 20-31. eace, ac- hy sivlva- 10 oi' all .'It ill this )ur3 need ot avail a 1 is called Dur hope ; I believe, af a feast, )rld ; and ns of the soul, by receiveth renewed lO close of 111 rejoice oys of my 0. "Yea xcellency r whom I them but him, not law, but itcousness ess which stification through his Idood, sanctlfication l)y his Spirit, and eternal glory through his merits and intercession. These arc the biessinirs held out to us by the gospel, of which and the haw Jesus Clirist is the sum and substance: for whom I have thrown awjiy all things. 1 have made a voluntary (rhuico of Christ, his cross, his fioverty, and his reproach ; and lor these 1 have freely sacriticcd all 1 had from the world, and all I could expect from it ; and count it as the vilest dross or refuse. With his best things the apostle freely parted, judging them all loss while juit in the place of Christ crucified ; and Christ crucified he esteemed infinite gain, when com- pared with all the rest. May I bring forth fruit in old age, that I may be fat and flourishing in the house of my God. " 0, wliat Imth .Tcsii-i 1 onj^ht lor mo, Uc.lnrc my nivisln-d oyc-s ? Kivcrs of'lit'o diviiio I see ! Ami tiocs of I'liruili.-t.' I " Ajn'il 1st. — my adorable Savior, I praise thy holy name for the many past favors and })rcsent blessings 1 enjoy, and for the pros})cct of still greater enjoyments, if found faithful to the end. I feel conscious I do not love thee as much as T ought ; 0, why is it that I cannot love thoe with greater warmth and zeal, since all I receive from thee is lovo, and all I have ever received from thee ? Yes, when I was a stranger, and my nature at enmity to thee, ' received continual acts of kindness, which evidently showed, that as a kind and tender parent, thou didst wrtch over me. '• Closer and closer may I chv v.' to his beloved embrace ; Expect his fulness to rccoive. and praco to answer LM'ace." 848 LIFE AND KXPERIEXCE OF UJi. — Rev. S. B. preached from Gal. G : 7. "Be not deceived ; God is not mocked : for whatsoever a man sowcth, tliat shall he also reap." As the husbandman, in plou,Ldiing, sowing, and variously lahoriug in his fields, is supported by the hope of a plenti- ful harvest, which he cannot expect before the right and appointed time ; so every follower of God may be per- suaded that he shall not be permitted to pray, weep, deny liimsclf, and live in conformity to his Maker's will, without reaping the fruit of it in eternal glory. " Ami me witli joalons care, As ill tliy sijrlit to live ; And I tliy .-t'l'Viiiit, Li)r(l, jivoparc A strict acciiLiiit to ";ivi;." ^'Itli. — Bev. S. Busby preached from Titus 2 : 11. " Who gave himself fur ns, tliat he might redeem us from all iniijuity, and [airify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works." Jesus gave his life for the world, and thus has purchased men unto himself ; and, having purchased the slaves from their thraldom, he is represented as strip})Ing them of their sordid vestments, cleansing and purifying them unto him- self, that they may become his own servants, and bring them out of dishonorable and o])pressive servitude, in which they had no proper motive to diligence, and could have no atlection for the despot under whose authority they were employed. Thus redeemed, they become his willing servants, and are zealous of good works, affectionately at- tached to that noble emi)loyment which is assigned to them by that Master whom it is an inexpressible honor to serve. This seems to be the allusion in the above verse. i MRS. 3IAUY r.RADLFA'. r>40 " Cc not a man ^'ariously a plcnti- •ight and y be pcr- cp, deny I, -svitliout is2: It. 11 us from r people, urclmsed ives from m of tlicir unto hini- lud brhi.ij; , in AYliicli o\ild have ority tlicy lis Avilling nutelv at- m1 to ibcm V to serve. Praise tbo Lord, for the blessed privilep;e of sitting under the preacbing of bis gospel, delivered in its purity. O may it produce tbc desired effect, tbat we all grow in grace, and in tbe knowledge of our liord and Savior, and may be purified as gold seven times tried in a furnace, be zealous of good works, and not depend upon our works to save us, but upon tbe alone merits of Him wbo sbed bis blood to redeem us from all ini(|uity. Au:/u. port and comfort me in life's latest hour. September Cjth. — Let my grateful aspirations ascend to the throne for past favors, and for their continuance. I am only happy in tbe ardent, constant love of God, " Fill all my soul with puro>t lovp, Tlien ji)iii me to the church above."' Dec. 2()th. — Thanks be to the Lord, for bis si)ccial care and divine presence in times of trouble ; when secret plots were laid to destroy my reputation and take away that which was not their own, and I knew not how far Satan, my grand enemy, would help them to succeed in their design. But tbe Lord set a hedge about me, and all I have ! so that no evil bath come upon me, nor plague nigh my dwelling. 30* 350 LIFE AND EXPEUIENX'K OF Januar}! l.s-<, 183(5. — The past year's rnnltiiilicd mer- cies ami ilgriniage have -witnessed to me, that as a father piticth his children, so the Lord pitieth those who fear him ; and have verified to me the assur- ance given to the apostles ; " The hairs of your head arc all numbered." The person, offices, grace, promises, spirit, salvation, and glory of the Lord Jesus, I admire and adore, and hope fully and eternally to realize ! 'J'hey are now sweeter to me than honey, and the honey-comb ; and their application to my soul fill me with unutterable jov. Glory be to His holv name for ever. Sr^it. 2\i})irit, sons and daughters of the Lord Almighty ; enlisted under his banner, and grow up to the stature of perfect men in Christ Jesus. i ilicel mcr- us under lie Clod of to praise orty-cight cd to mc, rd pitieth the assur- ■ head arc promises, 1 admire cc ! They iicy-comb ; iiuttcrablo IS of God, t -we know, m ; fur we is :T:lorified like him : are now ast enemy, rave's de- , is a sove- jclf having oil our sor- ction ; the U mankind race, born the Lord w up to the MRS. MARY liRADLEY. 351 Mercifully look upon us in our debilitated state of bodily weakness, and remember us in that important hour of final scitaration between soul and body. JJcc. 4:th, 18-JtJ. — Blessed be thy holy name, Lord, that thou hast been pleased to raise me up from a bed of sickness, and restored me to such a stote of bodily strength, that after an absence of eleven weeks from the Lord's house, I have been again enabled this day to tread thy hallowed courts. I thank the Lord, that when through debility I was not able to read the word, and scarcely to think upon divine subjects^ my mind was supported with a firm confidence in his mercy, that he would not forsake me, and that ho would restore my bodily and mental energies. I desire to consecrate the grateful homage of ray spared life more than ever to his glory, who has drawn me with his love, revealed his Son in my heart, and shown me the new and living way to the holiest of all. I pray for en- largement of heart, the plenitude of divine love, and the assistance of the Holy S|)irit, to walk in the strait and nar- row way to eternal life. Jannary Int, 1837. — This day forty-nine years ago, I was enabled by grace, to enter into a solemn covenant en- gagement to be the Lord's and to walk in his holy ways. "While taking a retrospect of my past life, I sec many de- fects : had not the Lord by his special care prevented me, I fear I should have forfeited my engagements to him ; yea, if he had left me to myself, I could not have endured the temptations and trials through which I have been called to pass. Although I have not during forty-nine years journeying in the way to Canaan been weary ; but have found his yoke easy, and his burden light. 1 have not for 352 U¥E AND KXPErilEXCp] OF one moment repented my sottin,:^ out in early Hie to seek and serve the Lord ; for he hfis been tlic ;:^uide of my youth, my sure ref'ui^e, to me tlie shadow of a great rock, in a weary land, and at all times afforded me strength ac- cordinnj to mv day. Jointlv with his children, I scaled my covenant engagements, by partaking of the commemo- rative emblems of our crucified Lord and Savior's broken body, and the blood of atonement shed for the remission of sin. 0, how refreshing to the soul are the means of grace, and the ordinances of God's house ! What a mercy to the world, and a blessing to the church ! VSth. — This day my mind was peculiarly exercised, on account of my bodily weakness, and the labors to be per- formed ; indeed, my desire of retirement, that I might have more convenient opportunity for devotion, was so great that I had much rather do my own work, if I had only strength according to my inclinations. While plodding on under the exercise of my feelings on this subject, I fell down and prayed with such brokenness of heart and faith that God would answer ray petition, that I felt my sotd much refreshed, and strengthened ; and when I arose from prayer, I found the infirmity under which I had been laboring was entirely removed ! " Now, God, thine own I tun, Now I give then liack tliine own ; Freedom, iViond-;, and liealtli, sind I'iuno, Consecrate to tlice alone ; Thine I live, llirico liappy I I Happier still, if thine I die. H/Z*. — This day I enjoyed a great degree of peace, happiness, and joy ; I wanted to sing, and praise the Lord 1 MRS. MARY BRADLKY. 353 c to seek «lo of my •cat rock, ength ac- , I scaled ommcmo- ■'s broken remission 5f grace, icy to the rcised, on be per- I micht s so 2;rcat had only jclings on fokenness r petition, ncd ; and ity under f of peace, the Lord all day long. I felt tlie exercise of strong confidence iti him, and a giving up of all I have unto him. iSo true it is, tlie Lord prepares the back fur tiic burden. At half past nine o'clock in tlie evening, the dismal cry of fire was heard through the city ; I looked out and saw the light of a great burning ; and in a few minutes the whole city was in a dreadful state of alarm ; and not with- out cause ; terribic was the sight, and awful was the con- sequence ; before morning, over a hundred houses and stores were consumed, besides a great amount in goods of various kinds. Tiic neighbors about me expected their houses would bo destroyed, and packed up their goods, and told us wo were ill imminent danger, as the lire was progressing with fearful ra[tidity ; showers of burning coal wore falling on and round about our house at the time. I bless the Lord, for the peace of mind I enjoyed. I felt a small still voice speaking to my heart, " There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling : never- theless, as I was j)ressed by others to secure ray goods, I commenced packing up the best of them ; with my mind calm, believing that the kind hand of the Almighty would stop the progress of tlie flames, before they should reach us : I prayed earnestly that he would do so. I felt much encouraged, knowing that so many of our ministers were present on the occasion, and eye witnesses of the danger to which our chapel and mission premises, which had just been comjilcted, were exposed ; likewise the j.raying mem- bers of the church who had so often assembled in the cliai)el and vestry. I thought surely this occasion will call forth their united energies in prayer, that we may not be left destitute of a house in which to worship God. I 354 LIFl'] AND EXPKllIENCE OF adore thee, Lord, that thou didst in thy cvn good time, and of thy great mercy rebuke the destroyer, answer prayer, and spare to us the tabernacles of thy house and our own. Tiie sudden sliift of the wind to blow directly contrary was to us no less miraculous at that special time, than to drive back the tide, or bid the sun stand still ! For to that event, as the instrumental cause, Ave are in- debted for the preservation of all kind Providence spared us. Sept. Is^, 1844. — This day I am seventy-three years old. Glory, honor, and praise be unto Almighty God for his lovinii; kindness and tender mercv toward me, an un- worthy worm of the dust, in sparing mo to this time, with my face Zionward. I sec that imperfection, unftiithfulness, and short-coming has been mingled with my performances, and that I can place no dependence upon any person or thing beside Jesus and him crucified. I do trust that God will answer the many petitions which himself hath en- abled me, (unworthy as I am,) to p>it up to him, by his good Spirit, both for myself, the church, and the world, for the out-pouring of liis Holy Spirit, for the increase of his kingdom, and for the fulfilment of all his promises, which are " Yea and Amen in Christ Jesus, to all who be- lieve and walk accordin2; to his holv Word," and that his great and holy name may be glorified, through the merits and atonement of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. Amen. Sept. 1st, 1848. — " To-day I had the pleasure of wait- ing upon Mrs. Bradley, at her own residence in Germain street, Saint John. I fouml her verv cheerful, in irood spirits, and (juite communicative. She observed, ' this day I 'im seventy-seven years of ai>;e.' I read to her a few pages which I had transcribed from her own manu- MRS. JMARY BRADLEY. 856 good time, r, answer louse and fV directly jcial time, and still ! re are in- spared us. ree years y God for ne, an un- time, -with itlifulness, formances, person or trust that If hath cn- im, by his ;hc world, ncreaso of promises, 11 who bc- d that his the merits d Savior. script. The interview was particularly interesting, not only because of the plain, faithful testimony which she bore to the goodness, grace, and love of God to her soul ; but also the strong confidence she expressed in the blessed Jesus, as to her hope of jovs to conic." — aS'. B. EVENING'S WALK. COMPOSED O.N SEE!>0 AN OLD HOOT RAISED IP IN THE STREET, SUSPENDlNd A LAMP. 1 I once stood flourisliiiiEf and fair, Willi all my brethren bless'd ; The sun by day, tlie moon by night, With fruitful showers refresh'd. 2 But at leufrth an army came, Sudden and undismayed, Who joined to rob me of my fame. And laid me in the shade. !3 I ha been dead and buried, Fi forty years fornrotleii ; But . iw 1 have appeared again, Anu yet am not all rotten. 4 Behold me, all ye that pass by, And woi:der at the si;^ht ; I hold a lamp that dotii forewarn, The danurer in the niiriit. re of wait- 1 Germain 1, in good ,X'd, ' this to her a \vn manu- 5 O, what a lesson doth this teach. To me nnd all maiddnd ; Tliat we are born the grave to reach, To this must be resigned. () But lo! a resurrection day. Most certainly will come; When we must stand before our Judge, And hear our solemn dooui. 350 LIFE AND EXrERIENCE OJ? 7 For that tremendous day prepare, Tliat when the end shall come, We all may in whiii; robes appear. Received and taken home. MORNING MUSINGS. 1 Moses, the servant of the Lord, Forsaken and forlorn ; The laws of man his life forbad As soon as he was born. 2 Parental love and pity bled, And for his life did plead ; Have mercy, Lord, the father cried, Have mercy on my seed. 3 The Lord in mercy did reply. In answer to his prayer ; Your son shall live, I '11 raise him high ; To you I will him spare. 4 He shall a great deliverer prove, To all the Hebrew race ; The Ejiyptian bondanre to remove, And all their wrongs redress. 5 Fear not, said He, b-it follow me, As Abraham did of old ; My truth indeed shall make you free. My wonders to behold. G And when three months were pass'd awny, No longer could they hide ; Their infant son they did convey, Along the floating tide. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 7 When Pharaoh's dangfiter did repair, Alteiidrd with hor train ; To hirn she lent a li^toninnr oar And heard liini sore complain. 8 Her heart was touched with tenderness, And thus she did conceive, And called for a Hebrew nurse ! The infant to relieve. 3o7 way, i) This is a son of Israel's race. But take him, nurse, away ! I '11 raise him up to fill my place, And Efrypi'd sceptre sway. 10 The history we now will leave, And trace the hand of God, Whose mercy bade the meekest live, To show his power abroad. Jl The burningr bush, mysterious sifjlit. Was Moses called to see ; To which he turned with delight. And greatly bless'd was he. 12 And when the Lord saw with pleasure, Moses turned aside to see ; God called to him out of the fire, Who answered. Here am I. 13 Put off thy shoes from off thy feet. For this is holy ground ; I am the God of Abraham, And here I will be found. 31 858 LIFE AND EXl'EUIKXOE OF The following preliminary remarks, assign the reason fur my having written to my brother the suhjnined letter. My brother and myself were much nnited and fond of each other in childhood ; he was three years the eldest ; but I exi)crienced religion five years before him, after which, "wc became more strongly attached in the bonds of Christ- ian fellowship. Our parents were Presbyterians, and taught us the Assembly's shorter catechism, which served to impress our minds when young, witii those principles : However, the light which I received by reading the F.crip- tures and by Christian experience, led me to think diifer- cntly on some })oints ; but I was very close minded, und thought if I should dividge my sentiments, 1 should meet "with opposition, and I did not wish to occasion dispute, or have my feelings hurt. Previous to my brother's conversion, I had joined the Presbyterian church in Shellield, of which I was a member "Nvhen the Rev. Mr. liishop, Wesleyan Missionary, came up the river, who was the first Wesleyan minister I ever heard or saw ; which was about five years after I had ex- perienced religion. The Rev. William Jjlack,and liishop, ■were each allowed to preach once in the Meeting House, and the doors were shut against them, for which I was grieved to the heart ; for I had received a great blessing through their instrumentality. I talked with the deacon and elders of the church on the subject ; and begged that they might be permitted to occupy the house : and said I wondered how they dared to shut out the ministers of Christ, when they had no min- ister of their own. Thev said, how do vou know that these are the ministers of Christ V adding, there Avere false Christs, and false Prophets : I have not sent them, yet MRS. MARY liRADLKV. OoO t'lc reason ncJ letter, and tbiid of I eldest ; but after wliieh, Is of Christ- erians, and »liieli served principles : v^ the scrip- think dilfer- minded, and should meet 1 dispute, or id joined the as a member ary, came up :iister I ever :er I had cx- , and liishop, ;ethig House, which I Avas ^reat blessing he church on permitted to w they dared y had no min- low that these ■e Avere ialse cut them, yet they ran. Now it pccmcd a strange thing to mo, tliat old professors of religion as they were, should ojipose th" \vt be ecu* fiod by each other's conversation : if I mei'.i •n;a o. text of scripture, lie would take it up, and say 1 di(i -J under- stand it, and he would run through the scrii)ture3 bringing jiassages to explain it to me ; and I could not receive one spark of light to uiy understanding, from all he would say ; but my mind would become more beclouded and dark. Last fall, when ho several times called upon me, ho complained heavily of the bondage he felt in his mind, many of the members of the church to which he belongs liaving imbibed corrupt principles, and although he has labored faithfully to convince them of it, yet it is all of no avail ; on account of which, he cannot any longer consci- entiously conjmunc with them : and yet feels so peculiarly circumstanced, that he cannot join anywhere else with olher clnirches. lie says lie emjiloys a great part of his time in reading the best authors, and studying the scriptures, to get his mind fully established. Perhaps there is not a text in the scri{)tnrcs which is calculated to support Calvinism, but what in a lengthy conversation he will introduce. Such is his retention of memory and strength of mind, that to engage him a person must be well armed, with a sword of Damascus steel, and the sling of David, or they are in danger of being conquered. Perceiving his situa- tion, and feeling my own mind comfortable and happy, I thought, if I could only have an opportunity to communi- cate to him by the lamp of truth, the privileges to be en- joyed in the light of holiness, and in a friendly way give him some sound advice, it might prove a blessing to him. MR??. .MARv r!u.\r>(j;v. MW re so far >t be ear uil fl. text A uuiler- bringin;^ :civc one luld say ; lark. 1 me, he [lis mind, ) belongs li lie iias all of no jr consci- cculiarly ,'lsc with reading get his which is lengthy »f mind, 1, ■with a , or they lis situa- appy, I ommuni- be en- vay give to him. Accordin'^ly, I invited iiini to s[»ond a day with mo leforo ho shoidil return homo, and ho con'litionallv cnira-'od to do so ; but ealliiig again, he said I must excuse him. I I'dt disappointed, and charged him to call again ; tliat I wished to write l)y him, not liinting that tlie letter was for himself. When he calleut if we may judge of the great- ness, wisdom, and goodness of men, by their performances in the Avorld, what conceptions am \ to form of the Su- preme ]'cing ! AVhat wisdom has he disjtlayed in universal architecture ! and with what power did he speak the word, and it was done ! Astonished and amazed, as one awoke out of sleep : althouirh livinji in the world so manv rears, and having so manv times read the account of the creation, vet never until this time, was my mind so struck with the won- derful phenomenon. I am lost in wonder, and straitened for want of laniiuaire to express mv mind. AlthouL::h firmlv believing the record of God's word, and the inspiration of his Holy Spirit ; and have folt his ojicration in my own heart, and doubt not but many others enjoy the same ; yet 1 feel deeply sensible of the want of projicr medita- tion, concentration of faith on special objects, and under- standing scripture truths and figures, which would enlarge the soul's capacity, and afford more extended views of my Great Creator, both of his goodness, love, and mercy to me, and all mankind ; that thereby I might feel my heart more drawn out after him, and love, and serve him more perfectly. I have great reason to lament that I have been so nenTiirent as to mv reading; and improvement ; and have come far short of my duty : for " Ye are my witnesses saith the Lord." Mild. MAUY BUADLEY. obi rht (1a^\ 10 llKJl'll- iiisc,and (Icscrlp- id others 10 iircat- iriiKincos tho Sii- .uiivorsal ;lio word, 10 awoke •ear?,nnd ition, yet tlie woir trai toned [ih firmly ration of my own e same ; modi ra- id uiidor- li Avoidd extended ess, love, lierebv I and love, reason to V readiinj; nv dntv : God speaks to us iu various ways ; His six days' labor, and rest on the seventh, not only teach us diligence in six days, and to hallow the Sabbath day ; but his resting on the seventh, is an emblem ot" the rest in heaven. The darkness which was upon the lace of the deep, fitly rci>resents the darkness that was upon our souls, before the light of divine knowledge shone upon us : But God said, let there be light, and there was light. Yes, then I saw clearly the sin of Sabbath desecration, and all the sins of my life, and was greatly alarmed from the age of six years at the thoughts of death, judgment, thunder, lightning, storms, high winds, bowing the trees and their lofty branches, when terror seized u})on me ; and the fearful a})prehcnsion that the earth Avould open her mouth and swallow me up. I thought I was born into the world a wicked child, and at death 1 should go to everlasting misery. I entertained horrible ideas of the Most High ; that he had made me for the |)urpose of punishing me. The dread of God and his all-seeing eye, filled me with terror. Conscience testi- fied against me, and 1 thouglit, how shall I stand before my Judge ? If my own heart condemned me, God is greater, and knoweth all thin;_'s, and suicly he will con- demn me. I had rather bear the lashes of a thousand tongues, than the upbraidiugs of a guilty conscience. I thought, what shall I do ? Whore shall 1 flee for refuge ? ^I'j time is fast passing away, and if I die in my siiis, I shall sink into everlasting misery ; notwithstanding all Christ has done for the siulvation of tho world. All my resolutions failed to yield me comfort. More I strove, and worse I grew, and what to do, or which way to obtain re- ligion, I could not tell. I was afraid after all 1 should miss of heaven, and hell would be my portion. 368 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF I was fully convinced that sin was the infection of the heart ; and that religion did not consist in hrcakin,:^ off the outer hranches ; hut that it must bo a work wrought in the heart by ti^e Holy Spirit ; and I felt a great desire that God would accomplish this work in me. I know that I must be born again : for that which is born of the flesh, is flesh, and that which is born of the spirit is spirit ; and they who arc in the flesh cannot please God. I felt these words running through ray mind, " Behold ! now is the accepted time, and behold, now is tlie day of salvation." I thought it" 1 turn a deaf ear to these calls, what reason have I 10 believe, that I shall ever have another oppor- tunitv '( and I felt a determination to embrace them. I felt much encouraged by these words : " They who seek me early shall find me. Ask, and ye shall receive ; seek and ye shall find ; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." It was suggested to me, " What ! you become a Christ- ian ! a young girl like you ! How will it be told from one to another ! and you will be despised by all who know you ! What ! become a Christian ! You will have to sep- arate yourself from all your companions, and deny yourself of all the fashionable amusements of life, so desirable to the youthful mind ! I meditated upon it for a wiiile, and had to acknowledge that it would be the case in some degree, and felt the mor- tification of it. But I paused awhile, and saw clearly that it was the language of the enemy of God and my soul. It occurred to me : put these fancied pleasures into a bal- ance with an e' rnii^ of misery, and see how they com- pare ! estimate -heir relative .^jodness ! I felt the solemn realities had come to a serious crisis ; and the weighty MRS. MARY I'.RADLEY. 869 1 of the :» off the )n.L:;lit in it desire icw that ic flesh, it ; and )lt these w is the vation." t reason T oppor- hey wlio •eceive ; ! opened b Christ- hl from 10 know 3 to scp- yonrsclf ruble to owlcdge the mor- irlv that ny soul, to a bal- 10 V com- solemn weigh tv •u interrogatory : Will you not ■willingly ])art with these vani- ties, and pleasures of the world, and forsake all, for the favor of God, and eternal haiipiuess beyond the grave ? I replied, yes ! Lord hclj) me ; Lord, save my soul from the snares of the devil. Then it was suggested, that I might enjoy all my youth- ful pleasures, and when I was grown old, then become re- ligious and enjoy heaven at last. I replied, this also is a temptation of Satan. IIow do I know that 1 shall live until I become old ? I may be drowned, or removed suddenly by some other fatal acci- dent, or cut off by a short and painful sickness ; and pro- vided I should be privileged with a sick bed, whether in youth or old age, I should then have enough to contend ■with, in the disorders of the body, without having to pre- pare for vast eternity. I then concluded that were all the promised pleasures of time and sin, laid in the scale, and contrasted with re- ligion and its enjoyments, in time and eternity, that they are incomparably lighter than the chaff which the wind driveth away ! I was conscious of a two-fold strife ; life and death were set before me, and that I had a difficult task to perform, evil being the food my fallen nature craved ; and so inter- woven and combined with sin and temptation, that when I relaxed in my exertions, and my mind turned upon the world, and the things of it, I had no power to resist the enemy ; but when my mind centred in God and his Avord, he strengtlieued and encouraged me by his blessed prom- ises. Thus I was enabled, after d ic consideration, to set up a firm and settled resolution, no longer to neglect my salvation. S2 370 LIFE AND tXPEUIE.VCE OF This rosohitioii was like a nail fastened in a sure place, and as a confirmation of tlie divine approval, I derived great comfort from tlio passa;j;e, "Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for I'iirhteousness." I thouii;ht God had given uie this token for good, to encourage mo that I had set out in the right way, and that he would as- sist mo in my heavenly journey. As I had never yet, to my knowledge, slied a tear under a deep sense that I was a sinner against God, I thought due conviction for sin had not taken })lacc ; but all my sorrow and fear had arisen from sclfisli motives, to escape the damnation of hell, and not from a principle of love to God. I tliercfore tliought the first work upon my heart must bo repentance for sin, realizing my guilt and danger, and cx])Osure to the divine displeasure. I believerl myself a criminal and if I died as I was, I covdd not l)e saved. I apprehended all the threatenings and judgments recorded in (Jod's Word, were against me, and the more distress I felt, the more true repen- tance would be evinced. I therefore endeavored to en- courage it, and prayed and agonized unceasingly. In what- ever my hands were employed, the eye of my mind was looking to God, beL^iiinu: him to comiilete his work in me. At length I began to feel the hardness of my heart give way to penitential sorrow for my sin. Tears flowed freely from a sense of my Savior !« suffering and sacrifice. I had likewise a deep discovery of the exceeding sinfulness of sin. I was truly ashamed before God, and saw that the purity of his holy law and divine jtistice required, that if I died in my sins, I must have owned the sentence just, and said amen to my own condemnation. But although I had such a terrifying sight of my position, I was glad I saw and felt it ; for I fled to Jesus, and felt a constant hunger- sure place, .1, I derived 'liovcd God, " I thou.^ht icouragc me le would as- cver yet, to 3 that I was 1 for sin had had arisen of hell, and ore thought auco for sin, the divine nd if I died ided all the Word, were e true repcn- ored to en- y. In what- [IV mind was vork in me. )r heart give owed freely tice. I had infulness of aw that the lired, that if ntcnce just, t although I IS glad I saw tant hunger- MliS. JIAKY IJIIADLEV. 371 \1 ing and thirsting after righteousness, a longing to he made holy, cleansed from all sin. 1 was much encourngod by hope of attainment, and drawings from above, and felt I was willing to jiart with all for God. It occurred to mo that, as I loved God above every thing, and thought that I had been enabled by grace to concjuer the devil, and my own evil heart, that I might try myself, to ascertain whether I was in a safe state, by allow- ing my thoughts to turn u})on those objects, which I had strove so hard to overcome ; to see whether the inclination still remainL'd to enjoy them ; but 1 had no sooner made the experiment than I found Satan as ready to tempt as ever, and my own heart to pander to the temptation. I evidently saw that if I did not continually pray and restrain my thoughts from roving after the world and its objects, that after all my exertions, I might lose iny soul. Then I said, () Lord, strengthen mo to pray earnestly, and exert myself and all the powers and faculties of my soul against every sinful thing and k^atan's power. Give me that reli- gion tliat will stand by me in time and in eternity ; the faith of assurance that I may not doubt my salvation, or turn back to sin and folly, and bring a reproach upon the cause of God. I felt that the only way to esca})e these evils, was to cleave to the Lord with all my heart. I therefore contin- ued to strive sincerely, and said in my heart, what nuist I do ? Shall this struggle be maintained to the end of life ? Then I yielded to mercy, and fully gave myself up to God with all my heart, and sighed for salvation, and sudden relief came to my mind, with these words, '' Cast thy bur- den upon the Lord and he will sustain thee." It is utterly impossible for mo to describe the change I then felt. All i 872 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF .M% 4}' my guilt, darkness and fear, was in a moment removed, and licaven seemed to open to my view. I believed there was joy amon<^ the holy angels at my return. A happy plenitude of the love, joy, and peace of th< Lord Jesus flowed through my soul, and I felt that for his sake, all my sins were forgiven. His Holy Spirit witLes^ing with my spirit that he was reconciled to me, as though I had never sinned against him. I thought T was one of the happiest creatures in all creation. I gave myself unreservedly to him, believing that I -'as adopted into his family, and had become his child, and that he had come and made las abode with me. 0, how delightful were the thoughts of death ; I consid- ered it as the gate to endless joy, Avhen I should behold the face ot' my blessed Savior, and realize his fulness of joy, und jjioasures furevermorc. This blessed change took jdace on the first day of Jan- uary, 1787, between the hours of three and six in the af- ternoon, in the sixteenth year of my age ; a day never to be forgotten while I have a being. 0, m!iy it in the last groat day appear, That I was horn for glorj- here ! Meditating on the blessing I had just received, and looking l>ack on my past life ; I was astonished to think I had lived so long ignorantof the happiness which I might have enjoyed, if I had only known how to have obtained it. I thought, had I been all my days shut up in a dark prison, excluded from the light of the sun, and had been suddenly brought out to behold its splendor, that it would be but a faint resemblap'^e of the change which I had experienced ; for I felt that the eternal sun of righteousness had arisen upon my soul, and that he was to me the one altogether MRS. MAUY LRADLEY. 873 omcnt removed, I believed there turn. A liappy til' Lord Jesus ; his sake, all my \essmg with my ugh I had never of the hap|iiest unreservedly to family, and had i and made his death ; I consid- I should behold ;e his fulness of first day of Jan- ,nd six in the af- a day never to lovely, and the fairest among ten thousand ! I not only felt a happy chctnge within, a hope of heaven, and a deliv- erance from the fear of future punij5hm*^nt, but there ap- peared to be a change in everything beside. The word of God, which appeared a dead letter, now became a source of light, comfort, and food to my soul. Things in nature, which previously wore a dreary asjjcct, now became agree- able and lovely ; even thunder and lightning. The following lines of the poet, expressive of my feel- ings, were grateful to my mind. My soul forsakes ' f^r vai. delight, And bids the wori '•rcwell ; Base as the dust be, ji my feet, And iiiischiev us us hell. No longer will I ask your love, Nor seek your friendsliij) more ; The happiness which I approve, Lies not within your power. it received, and Dnished to think ss which I might have obtained it. in a dark prison, ,d been suddenly t would be but a .ad experienced; sness had arisen ) one altogether There's nothing round tliis spacious earth, Which suits my large desire : To boundless joy and solid mirth, My nobler thoughts aspire. Where pleasure rolls its living flood, From sin and dross refined ; Still springing from the throne of God, And fit to cheer the mind. I send the joys of earth away, Away ye tempters of the mind ; False as the smooth, deceitful sea, And empty as the whistling wind. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I 1^ 1^ L25 1 1.4 M |||M ! 1.8 1.6 — 6" Photographic Sciences Corporation 23 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 872-4503 4^ V ^v N> ^9) V ?^ ^ %^24> ^'h'- C/.A 874 LIFE AND EXPERIENCE OF Your streams were floatintr me along, Down to the gnlf of black despair, And whilst I listened to your song. Your streams had e 'en convoy'd me there. Lord I adore thy matchless grace, Which warned me of that dark abyss, Which drew me from those treach'rous seas. And bade me seek superior bliss. Now to the shining realms above, I stretch my hands and glance niine eyes ; O, for the pinions of a dove. To bear me to the upper skies. Then from the bosom of my God, Oceans of endless pleasures roll ; There would I fix my last abode, And drown the sorrows of my soul. When I surveyed the state of the human family, and thought that every individual must pass through the same ordeal, and meet with the same change ; — for as we are the same by nature, consequently, Ave must become the same by grace ; or we could not enjoy the same happiness together in eternity ; — I thought that as Jesus Christ died for all, and rose again for our justification, that the invita- tion must be for all, and that he was willing to impart sal- vation to all who repent of their sins, part with their idols, and renounce their fallen nature ; and I saw such a ful- ness in Christ, such a willingness to save all who would come unto him by faith, that I felt like the poet : " 0» for a trumpot-voicc, On all the world to call ! To bid their hearts rejoice In Him who died for all ! For all my Lord was crucified : For all, for all my Savior died I ■'ftBWiJJTV- 3re. a3. MRS. MARY BRADLEY. 375 I longed for tlicir salvation, and was persuaded, if I could only explain to them God's gracious dealings with me, and the ha])pincss I had obtained, that thev would have an inclination to seek, as I had done, till they found that full salvation, so freely offered in the gospel. 0, that they were wise, that they undc.-tood this; that they would consider their latter end. 3S nily, and the same e are the the same lappiness irist died le invita- ipart sal- eir idols, ch a ful- would " Prepare u>, L* nl, i\>v tliy rijjlit liand, Then come tlie Joyful day ; Cuiiie death, and .^onie celestial band To bear our souls ;i\vay.'' Now let us remember that we have enjoyed the morn- ing of youth, and I hope since wo professed a knowledge of tho truth, have been in some measure, witnesses for God. We have enjoyed the meridian of life, and have arrived at the evening of our davs. May we be like old Simeon and Ilannali, waiting for the consolation of Israel ; arise, trim our lamps, and be pre- pared for the coming of the Bridegroom, as gold seven times purified in a furnace ; and as shocks of corn, fully ripe, ready to be received into the garner. I am, my beloved brother, With my best wishes for your perfect happiness And eternal life in Christ Jesus, Your Affectionate Sister, MARY BRADLEY.