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GOOD MORNING.
/
Social Etiquette
OR
Manners and Customs of
Polite Society
CONTAINING
RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR ALL OCCASIONS, INCLUDING CALLS;
INVITATIONS; PARTIES; WEDDINGS, RECEPTIONS; DINNERS
AND TEAS; ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET;
PUBLIC PLACES, ETC., ETC.
FORMING A
COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF-CULTURE
THE ART OF DRESSING WELL; CONVERSATION; COURTSHIP;
ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN; LETTER-WRITING;
ARTISTIC HOME AND INTERIOR
DECORATIONS, ETC.
BY
MAUD C. COOKE
The Well-Known and Popular ArrTHOR.
EMBELLISHED WITH SUPERB PHOTOTYPE ENQRAVINOS
McDERMID & LOGAN,
LONDON, ONTARIO.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year ^896, by
J. R. JONES,
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, ;it Washington, D. C.
AU Rights Reserved,
PREFACE.
IITvRE is much truth and force in the old saying,
that "Manners make the man." All persons
should know how to appear to the best advan-
tage in polite society. This very attractive
volume furnishes rules of etiquette for all occa-
sions, and is a complete guide for daily use in
all matters pertaining to social intercourse.
The first department treats of Introductions
and Salutations. The rules given under this
head are those constantly observed in the best society The same is
equally true of all the instructions throughout the book, which is the
most complete work on this subject ever issued.
The next department treats of the very important Art of Conversa-
tion. It has been said, with trutli, that " a good talker is always a
social success." The reader is here taught how to converse agreeably
and with ease. To be a bright, witty, interesting talker, is a most
charming accomplishment. This volume is a help in this respect, the
value of which cannot be overestimated.
Visiting Cards and Customs are next treated, and all the perplexing
questions which they occasion are fully answered. With this very
comprehensiv^e volume at hand, no person will be guilty of blunders
and humiliating mistakes.
Invitations, Formal and Informal, Acceptances and Regrets, form
another topic. The work furnishes full information and is authority
upon all matters of social etiquette.
All young persons, and some older ones, are deeply interested in
the Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage, Weddings and Wedding
Anniversaries. These subjects are treated in a manner at once practical
and instructive.
The usages of the best society in giving Parties, Dinners, Teas,
Receptions, Breakfasts, Luncheons, etc., are minutely described. Also,
Home Etiquette and Etiquette for Children. With this volume in the
home, parents can easily teach the young polite and winning manners.
Miscellaneous Entertainments form a department that is bright and
• • •
iv PREFACE.
sparkling. Tin; dark side of life is not <n'crlookc(l, Etiquette of
Funerals forming a separate topic. How the young lady should
"come out" is stated in full, with invaluable instructions to her
parents and herself.
Then we come to Etiquette of Public Places, followed by that t>f
Walking, Riding, lioating. Driving, etc. l^tiquette for Bicycle Riders
receives full attention. Here arc Hints for Travelers, for Hostess and
Guest, General P^tiquette and Delsarte Discipline, Musicales, Soirees,
l^wn Parties, etc. Washington P^tiquette is described and all the
proper titles for professional and public men are given.
The Art of Dress receives exhaustive treatment, and the rules to
be observed by those who would dress tastefully are very complete.
They who are well dressed have already made a favorable impression
upon others. Suggestions and rules upon this subject are important
to all who would shine in social life.
Letter-Writing makes constant demands upon nearly al! persons,
yet its difficulties are perplexing. Here are plain directions upon this
subject, which should be .studied and followed by all who would suc-
ceed in the great art of elegant correspondence. It is essential often
to have the best P'orms for Letters, happily expressed, choice in the
use of words and easy and correct in grammatical construction.
Artistic Home Decorations are fully treated, showing how to have
a pretty, tasteful and inviting home at least expense. This subject
is receiving great attention everywhere, and this delightful volume
should be in every household in the land, as it furnishes just the
information needed. Fireplaces and Windows, Stairways, Woodwork,
Doors, Lighting, Decorating, Furniture and Paintings, are among the
topics treated in this part of the volume.
In short, this work is a treasury of rules and information on every
subject of Social Etiquette, Self-Culture and Plome Life.
An entirely new and very important feature is the beautiful Photo-
type P^ngravings in rich colors. The publishers consider themselves
fortunate in being able to present these new and admirable embellish-
ments, which have been pronounced gems of art.
CONTENTS.
PAGB
Title-Page i
Preface iii
Contents v
The Essence of Etiquette 17
Introductions and Salutations 23
Art of Conversation 37
Visiting Cards 51
Visiting Customs 69
Invitations, Formal and Informal 83
\cCEPTANCES and REfiRETS 107
Etiquette of Courtship and Marriage 116
Weddings and Wedding Anniversaries 143
Home Etiquette 165
Etiquette for Children ... 180
Dinner Giving 180
Table Etiquette 211
Evening Parties, Receptions and Suppers 227
Balls, Dancing and Masquerades 241
Soirees, Musicales and Lawn Parties 261
Preakfasts, Luncheons and Teas ........... 274
vi CONTENTS.
PAGIl
Miscellaneous F^ntertainments , . . 206
cliklstenings, con'firnlvtions and graduations 315
IvriQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MoURNING 323
EriQUErTE OF PuiJLic Places , . 328
Walking, Ridinc;, I^oaiing, Driving 334
BicvcLE Htiquette 343
Club Etiquette , 302
SociETv 358
General Ivitouette 364
WAsniNTiroN Etiquette 374
Delsar'ikan Discipline 378
Art of Dri:ss .388
CoT^oRS AND Complexions 308
Dress for Spixial Occasions 408
Letter Wriitng 420
Forms fof-: Letters 452
Artistic Mome Decorations 467
I low to be Beautiful 492
"v
'J
O
o
H
O
The Essence of Etiouette.
UK old chronicler says, " Manners
maketh man." " Manners are not
tlie character, but they are the
dress of character," adds a modern
writer. Manners are not the pure
gold of the mind, but they set the
\^ mint stamp upon the crude ore
antl fit it for circulation, and few
there be who may dare to set aside
their valuation. To genius only is
this privilege granted, and genius
is exceeding rare.
It should be remembered that mc-re people can
give the list of Dr. Samuel Johnson's sins against
good manners than can quote from his " Rassalas " and " Rambler,"
while there will al\va)-s be more who can descant upon the selfish,
tyrannical ill-breeding of Thomas Carlyle than can estimate the value
and immensit)' of his literar}' labors.
The essence of all etiquette will be found in that Golden Rule from
Holy Writ that enjoins upon us to "do unto others as we would that
they should do unto us," and whereon Lord Chesterfield based his
maxim for the cultivation of manners :
"Observe carefully what pleases or displeases you in others, and be
persuaded that, in general, the same things will please or displease
them in you."
The social code, even in its smallest particulars, is the outgrowth
of a kindh' regard for the feelings of others, even in the little things
of life, and a kindl}- sympathy for all that interests your compatiions
a I?
iS THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE.
" Be hospitable toward the ideas of others," s:i\s Dr. George Ripley,
" Some people," he asserts, " onh' half listen to \'ou, because they are
considering, even while you speak, with what wealth of wit they will
reply." Such people ma)- be brilliant, but they can never be agree-
able. You feel that they are impatient to have their own turn come,
and have none of the gentle receptiveness so pleasing to our own ego
that rebels against their egotism.
It is the kind and sympathetic soul that wins friends, and
' ' He who has a thousand friends
Has not a friend to spare,
But he who has an enemy
Will find him everywhere."
Our first impressions of a man are impressions of his manners. We
designate him from the first glimpse of his face, first sound of his
roice, as an affable, agreeable and sincere individual ; or as cnibbed,
cross-grained and suspicious in his temperament, and are attracted b\',
or repelled from him, according to the characteristics with which his
manners have clothed him.
The Influence of Good Manners.
So potent is this power exercised over the world by the gentle sway
of manners that their possession is worthy the cultivation and care we
put forth for the attainment of all gracious, pleasant things, ami to
their possessor is given the key to which all doors opjn.
Emerson was one of the most acute observers of manners that
culture has ever produced, and he wrote : " The longer I live the
more I am impressed with the importance of manners. When we
reflect upon their persuasive and cheering force, how they recommend,
^:>repare and draw people together ; when \\e think what keys they are,
a;.d to what secrets ; what high and inspiring character they convey,
and what divination is required of us for the reading of this fine tele-
graphy, we see what range the subject has."
Manners, with some, are the gracious legacy of inheritance, educa-
tion and environment ; with others they are the growth of the careful
THE ESSENCE OF ElIQUETrE. lb
cultivation *jf years, and carry with them the calm self-poise of the
man who has conquered circumstances and established his own
position. In such as these there inheres a certain power that impresses
itself upon all who come in contact with its influence.
The self-possession and certainty stamped upon the face of a man
who inherited, or won for himself, the sure and perfect armor of good-
breeding, is but the outer stamp of the man himself.
Manners are profitable as well as pleasant. They carry with them
a measureless weight of influence. A gentleman once brought into his
library a costly subscription book. " My dear," said his wife, " }ou
already had a copy of that work." " I knew I did," he replied, " but
the manners of the lad who sold it were so elegant that it was a
pleasure to jjurchase it."
The charm of good manners is not a qualification belonging to an)-
particular station in life, for, to the poor and unlettered oftimes may
be traced deeds and actions that mark them as nature's noblemen.
Education, wealth and social station do nut al\\a\'s confer them, but
the outer grace may be acquired b\' all.
In this wa\- it has come to be known that a refinement of laws in
any countr\' indicates that a gradual refinement of manners has led up
towards, and finall\' crystallized into a refinement of the hearts and the
laws of the people.
The Marks of True Politeness.
True politeness is always know n by its lack of assumption. Presi-
dent Tyler, in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her
position as lady of the White House, used these noteworthy words :
" It is, I trust, scarcely necessary to say that, as upon }-ou will devolve
dre duty of presiding at the White House, you should be equal and
untiring in your affabilities to all. You should remember that nothing
shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of aii's or assumptions
under any circumstances."
The minor observances have much to do with the polishing and
perfecting of the manners of men. These little things that mark on-^
20 THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE.
as being "to the manor born" are not the growth of moments but
the slow accretions of years ; neither can their use be dropped in the
privacy of home to be assumed at pleasure for the outside world to
admire, else they will fit but illy, as borrowed plumes arc wont to do.
The best-intcntioned and best-hearted people that the world has
ever known are too often careless in the slight observances that mean
so much to the cultivated. Thoreau says, " I could better eat with
one who did not respect the truth or the laws than with a sloven and
unpresentable person. Moral qualities rule the world, but at short
range the senses are despotic."
"The code of society is just a little stronger with some individuals
than the code of Sinai, and many a man who would not scruple to put
his fingers in your pocket, would forego peas rather than use his knife
as a shovel."
The Great Value of Courtesy.
" Be courteous," is an apostolic command that too many earthly
followers of the Twelve woidd do well to consider. They are just,
they are truthful, sometimes agressively so ; they are conscientious,
they wear}' not in well-doing, but — they are not courteous. They are
not good mannered, and b\' so much as they sin in this regard do
they lose their power to win.
'* Gootl manners," says one, " are more serviceable than a passport,
than a bank account, than a lineage. They make friends for us ; they
are more potent than eloquence or genius without them." They adtl
to beauty, they detract from personal ugliness, they cast a glamour
over defects, in short, they work the miracle of mind over mattef
exemplified in the case of the extremely plain Madame de Stael, \\"ho
was repated to "talk herself beautiful in five minutes,"
They teach us the beauty of self-sacrifice, they constrain us to listen,
with an appearance of interest to a cv/ice-told tale, they teach the wife
to smile over the somewhat worn jest of the husband, as she smiled in
like fashion in the days of auld lang syne, or, harder still, they enjoin
upon us f:o follow the Due de Morny's definition of a poUte man, as
THE ESSENCE OF ETIQUETTE. 21
' ohl- who listens with interest to things lie knows all about, when they
are told by a person who knows nothing about them."
They impress upon us to guard the feelings of others, they wain us
to avoid the familiarity that breeds contempt, and, above all, they are
contagious !
There is much to be said as to the true definition of those beautiful but
abused terms, lady and gentleman, each with its strong, sweet meaning.
"A lady is one who, to inbred modesty and refinement, adds a
scru[)ulous attention to the rights and feelings of others, and applic
the Golden Rule of doing as she would be done by, to all who aio
connected with her, both at home and in society."
While a gentleman has been described as : " Whoever is true, loyal
and candid ; whoever possesses a p -casing, aftablc, demeanor ; who*
ever is honorable in himself and in his judgment of others and requirct
no law but his word to make him fulfil all engagements."
Such men and such women are *' ladies " and " gentlemen" whether
they are found in the peasant's hut or the prince's palace.
Rules of Etiquette.
The following rules, published some time ago as a receipt for that
beauty of expression so much more lasting and attractive than mere
beauty of feature, were written orignally for the guidance of woman,
but they are equally applicable to the needs of man.
" I, Learn to govern yourself and to be gentle and patient.
" 2. Guard your temper, especially in seasons of ill-health, irrita-
tion, and trouble, and soften it by a sense of your own shortcomings
axid errors.
" 3. Never speak or act in anger.
" 4. Remember that, valuable as is the gift of speech, silence is
often more valuable.
"5. Do not expect too much from others, but forbear and forgive,
as you desire forbearance and forgiveness yourself.
" 6. Never retort a sharp or angry word. It is the second word
that makes the quarrel.
O'?
THE ESSENCE OK E TlOl EITE.
"7. BL-narc of the first disagreement.
" b!. Learn to speak i." a gentle tone of voiee.
** 9. Learn to say kind and pleasant things when opportunity offers.
" 10. Study the charaetcrs of those with whom you eonie in eon-
taet, ;uul sympathize with them in all their troubles, however small.
"II. Do not negleet littL- things if they can affect the comfort of
others in the smallest degree,
" 12. A\"oiil moods, and pets, and fits of sulkiness.
** 13, T>earn to deny yourself and prefer others.
" 14. Ix'ware of meddlers antl tale-bearers.
'* 15. Never charge a bad motive, if a good one is cc^nceivable."
Courtesy, charily and love are one, and, when all good deeds are
done the warning comes; "If \e have not charity " all is naught.
Therefore :
"A sweet, attractive kind of grace,
A full assurance given by looks,
Continual comfort in a fare,
The lineaments of gospel-books. "
Do yc all things courteously, founding precept and practice upon
that okl rule, the Golden Rule, which is the Alpha and the Omega of
all good manners and the very Essence of all Etiquette.
' 'ANO<-v/
X DISCRIMINATE introduc-
tions arc ahva)-.s in bad taste,
'j1 yet, since the sweetest of our
1 fricndsliips are wont to reach us
throut:^]i the medium of a formal
presentation, it is well that wc understand how, when and where these
introductions should properly take place.
As a rule, introductions, to be agreeable, should be desired before
being given ; and since wc are, or should be, in a measure, the
endorsers of those whom wc present to our friends, a due degree of
care shoukl be exercised in so doing, lest inadvertently we force upon
another what may prove an undesirable acquaintance.
Introductions are driven in cases of nccessit\', such as business trans-
actions, or emergencies that may arise in traveling, as when we wish
to consig-n some friend to the care (^f another, Thev are given at
balls, that partners may be found for all the dancers. Here, however,
care must be taken beforehand to ascertain if the parties will dance,'
for such is the selfishness and, shall it be said, ill-breeding of our
society young men that not unfrequently they will walk away without
even offering the lady the courtesy of the next dance. In this way
her hostess unwittingly exposes her to a marked slight, since the ball-
room introduction is supposed to mean an intention on the part of the
gentleman to show some attention to the lady, with whom he should
either dance, promenade, or talk through one set.
23
24 INTROni- .IONS AND SAMTATIONS.
Neither arc youn<::j ladies quite guiltless in this respect, since it
often happens that they refuse partners (yom simple caprice, and no
gentleman likes to i>e refused, even for a (luatlrille. It may be added
that these introductions necessitate no after acknowledgments on
eitlier side unless mutualh" agreeable.
Introductions are given at card parties when necessary to fill out
tiibles for a game, anil they occur also where one person especially
wishes another to become acc^uainted with .i friend.
An English Custom.
Strangers arc alwaN's introduced to \ isitors, ami at dinners, if pre-
vioush- unacquainted, the gentleman is introduced, a few minutes
beforehand, to the l.id\' he is to take out to the table. In h'ngland,
however, where the)- exercise great care in giving introductions, even
this formality is not always complied Avitli. Richard Gr.mt White
speaks of l)eing informed at the last moment, in some house whose
owner boasted many titles, that he was to take down "the lady in
pink over there in the ]>ay window," to whom, therefore, he duly
went, and, bending an inviting elbow, said in his most persuasive
tones: "May I have the pleasure?" The proffered honor was
accepted, and he and the lady, each equiil'y ignorant as to the other's
identity, went out to spend a long two hours in entertaining one
another.
The one redeeming feature of this hjiglish custom is that cverj-one,
at private entertainments, talks to everyone else without an introduc-
tion, considering that the fact of their being guests under the same
roof is a species of endorsement for all, and, better still, this sociability
carries with it no after obligations, because, since they are not intro-
duced, they are not acquainted. In this country, owing probably to
the unfortunate frequency of introductions among us, a certain chill
pervades the atmosphere when a portion of the guests are unacquainted
with one another, for, as a rule, no one here attempts to converse with-
out having been properly presented.
In metropolitan circles, however, this is not so much the case, and
INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 25
as our country throws older it is to be hoped that "a change will lomc
o'er the spirit of our dream" in this respect, thus lessenini; the present
responsibility of our hostesses, who, torn between two opposing fac-
tions, feel that " If I introduce Mrs. So-and-so to Mrs. I^lank she will
never forgive me, and if I do not introduce Mrs, IMank to Mrs. So-
and-so I sh.dl have made a mortal enemy."
At a party given in behalf of a debutante she is to be introduced to
ever)' lady present, and every gentleman is to be presented to her.
In case there should be a distinguished guest present at any entertain-
ment, all other guests must be made acquainted with the favored one.
You May Introduce Yourself.
There are also times when it is eminently proper to introduce one's
self, such as when you find upon entering a drawing room that the
hostess has forgotten \-our name ; or if it should have been wrongly
announced ; or if you arc an entire stranger to the hostess, it is not
only prop:r, but imperative, to introduce yourself at once. Then, too,
it occasionally happens that a gentleman, wishing to render some
assistance to a lad\' who is traveling alone, prefers to introduce him-
self beforehand. This, of course, leaves the lady perfectly free to
recognize him or not at any future time. Occasions such as these are
constantly arising, and tact and judgment must be used to decide the
question for one's self.
Watering-place introductions are frequently given for the conve-
nience and pleasure of the time being. They are usually made by the
eldest lady of either party and further recognition in the future is
optional.
Do not introduce people in public places. Do not, even if a friend
should overtake you and walk by your side for some distance, or
should meet and talk with you, introduce him to another friend with
whom you are also walking. You may do it, however, in exceptional
cases. Do not, as a rule, introduce two people who arc inhabitants
of the same town ; it is to be supposed that they could have known
one another had they cared so to do. Still, it is well to exercise
INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS.
jii(l<;mcnt in this one particular, since what could he done unques-
tioned in a city parlor cannot always be accomplished without exciting
comment and ill-fcelin<;^ in a country town.
Do not introduce j^entlemen to ladies without first beinjr sure thit
the acquaintance will be agreeable to the lady, since it is nnich more
difficult for a lady to shake off i\n undesirable ac([uaintance than it is
for a gentleman. In the case of foreigners it is always well to be
careful before intrc^ducing them to young ladies at their own request,
since it often happens that foreign titles, found upon this side the
water, are extremely dubious. Hence one is clearly justified in refer-
ring them to her parents or guardians for the rec^uired favor.
A Custom Out of Date.
Introductions at evening parties are, fortunately, very much out of
date, except it is for partners in dancing, or unless there should be so
many .strangers present as to threaten overwhelming the entire party
in speechless gloom. Occasionally in the country some old-fashioned
hosts persist in handing each newcomer around the room like refresh-
ments for an introduction to each one present. This custom puts the
later arrivals in the position, as some one says, "of making a semi-
circular bow like a concert singer before an audience," and this, to
non-professionals, is not a little embarrassing.
Timid people, and people unaccustomed to the rules of social
etiquette, always feel a certain dread 'i going through the slight
formality of an introduction. Nothing, however, if one remembers a
few timely hints, can be simpler than this little ceremony so necessary
for each of us to perform many times in our intercourse with others.
Recollect always to introduce the gentleman to the lady, never the
lady to the gentleman, except in the case of very exalted rank, ex-
treme age or the possession of great eminence in intellectual or artistic
life ; otherwise, the rule is inflexible save in introducing a youthful
"rosebud" formally to an elderly gentleman, in which case you would
present her to him. The chivalry of etiquette assumes that a man is
always honored by prescnt-tior] to a ladv. r
IXrRODUCTIOxNS AND SALUTATIONS. 27
In introducing ladies, present the youn<::jer to the elder, unless in
case of some ni. irked excej)tic)n such as tinxse given above.
The simplest form in presenting one person to another is ahva)s the
best. A wife presents her husband iiA " Mr. Xorth," *' Colonel North,"
or ** Doctor North," always giving him his rightful titles. The wife
of the President slmuld introduce him as " The President," while wc
should address him as " Mr. President."
In introducing a gentleman to a lady one should say, " Mrs. A.
allow (or pjrmit) mc to introduce (or present) Mr. R. ; Mr. B., Mrs.
A.," being sure that the names are distinctly pronounced. If this
should not be the case, let the parties themselves ask it at once, a
simple "I beg pardon, I ditl not understand the name," saving much
future annoyance.
Forms of Introduction.
In introducing two ladies the same formula may be used, as : " Mrs.
Y. allow me to introduce Mrs. Z. ; AFrs. Z., Mrs. Y." Or one may
say: "Mrs. Y., this is my friend Mrs. Z. ; :\Irs. Z., Mrs. Y." A
still further variation is to .say: "Mrs. Y., I believe you have never
met Mrs. Z. ; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y." In introducing two gentlemen any
of the above forms may be used. If the introduction is given simply
for business purposes it should be short and concise, as : Mr. A., Mr.
B.; Mr. B., Mr. A. •-
In introducing a stranger it will always be well to make some little
explanatory remark that may be used as a stepping-stone toward be-
ginning a conversation, thus: "Miss S., allow me to present Mr. T.,
who is just back from Africa," or, " Miss PI, this is my friend Mr. P\,
the composer of that little song you sang just now." Any remark
like this always serves to make the opening of the conversation easier.
An introduction received, or solicited, simply for your own conve-
nience, as a business recommendation, or otherwise, entitles you to no
after benefits, or social recognition.
Where there are several waiting for an introduction to the same
individual, name the latte. first, then in succession name the others.
28 INTRODUC TIONS AND SALUTATIONS.
bowing slightly, as each name is pronounced, in the direction of the
one named. Thus : " Colonel Parker, allow me to present to you
Mrs. Roe, Miss Doe, and Doctor Brown," being sure always to give
every one their full honorary title in making the introduction.
In introducing relatives be very sure to give their full name. A
sister, for instance, should be introduced as, " My sister, Miss Roe ;"
or, "]\Iiss Mary Roe," or, "My sister, Mrs. Doc," as the case may
be, making sure always never to say " My sister Mary," or, " My
brother Joe," thereby leaving the stranger ignorant as to name or
estate.
A mother is always at liberty to introduce her son or daughter ; a
husband is supposed always to introduce his wife, and a wife her
husband.
What Should Follow the Introduction.
Nowadays, the usual recognition of an introduction is by a formal
bow. Handshaking rarely occurs and a gentleman introduced to a
lady never offers his hand unless she should first extend her own.
The inclination on the part of the lady is slight, that of the gentle-
man deeper. The custom of a courtesy by the lady has scarcely
taken root in this countrv.
A hostess receiving in her own parlors is at liberty, if she should
wish, to extend her hand to all comers.
A gentleman upon being introduced to a lady usually suggests that
he is " Happy to make her acquaintance," or, " Delighted to make
the acquaintance of Miss B ," though, if he choose, he may simply
bow, repeating her name. A lady, upon introduction to a gentleman,
simply bows, possibly repeating his name, but never is "happy" or
"delighted" to make his acquaintance. The pleasure is supposed to
be upon his part, the condescension upon her side. She should, how-
ever, upon his expression of pleasure, bow', with a slight smile, or a
murmured "Thank you," in return, though, a married lady, especially
if she be a little the elder, may cordially say she is " glad to meet
him."
INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 29
It is the place of a gentleman, after an introduction to a lad}-, to
mr.ke some remark calculated to set the conversational ball rolling,
and she should endeavor to supplement his efforts sufficiently to keep
up the conversation. If, however, the gentlem.m be younger than the
lady and somewhat embarrassed, she should show sufficient tact to
open the conversation herself If the introduction is between two
ladies, the one who is introduced should make the first remark.
Letters of Introduction are fully commented upon and explained in
this volume in the Department on Correspondence, where the proper
forms for such letters are given.
All introductions, however anno\'ing, should be received pleasantly
and acknowledged fully while under the roof where they are given,
though, an hour after, the two might pass one another in .speechless
silence. This is for the hostess' sake, and so great is this solicitude
on the part of the well-bred that mortal enemies have met and smiled
across the mahogan.y of a mutual friend, thus pre\enting the utter
chas^rin of a hostess who discovers, hv frowniuLT fices and a\ertetl
gaze, that her carefull\- arranged tlinner is a partial f lilure.
A Lady's Wishes Should be Respected.
Gentlemen rareU* ask for introiluctions to one another, but, should
a lady, for any cause, e.xpress a desire to present two men i)C her
acquaintance to one another, the)' must, e\"in if not .inxious for the
honor, acquiesce instantly in her request.
An introduction given between two visitors callinir ;it the same
house need not carry with it any weight unless both parties so desire.
At the time, a bow is the most that is demanded; afterward, it is the
individual having the most social prestige, or, if there is no difference
in standing, the one having most confidence, to whom this privilege 's
given of acknowledging or ignoring the introduction. A bowing
acquaintance with a person thus introduced cannot in the least injure
the social position of an individual.
An introductit)n given on the street needs no after recognition. At
the time, a gentleman simply lifts his hat, a lady bows, cmd that is all.
30 IXTRODLcTioSS ANT) SALL lATIONS.
After any introduction (except the one just mentioned) never give
the cut direct save for very good cause. It is too often an uncalled-
for insult.
SALUTATIONS.
The style of salutation differs among nations, but there hav^e been
none yet discovered so low in the social scale as to be entirely des-
titute of some sign for expressions of respect or fear between man
and man. Fear is, perhaps, the origin of respect, for every form of
salutation among us to-day may be traced back to a source that
plainly affirms it to be the survival of some attitude of deference from
the conquered to the conqueror, or some habit of adoration of an
unseen Power.
In our own customs of salutation we bare the head in token of
respect, never thinking that in the olden time it was an act of adora-
tion practiced before gods and rulers. C^ur formal bow is simph' the
modification of a servile prostration, and the graceful bow of a lad\' of
society is but the last remaining trace of a genuflection. When we
rise and stand as our friemls enter, or leave, our reception-room, it is
an act of respect, it was once an act of homage. The throwing of a
kiss is an imitation of an act of worship that de\out Romans practiced
before their gods, anil the wa\'e of the hand to a friend across the
street is a modification of the same Ccistom.
The removal of a gentleman's ghne in shaking hands with a lad\-
is the relic of a habit basetl on necessitv, ami datini/ back to a dav
when the knight of old removed his iron gauntlet, lest he crush the
maiden's hand within its grasp. The removal of the glove was prac-
ticed between men also at a later date, when, too often, beneath the
heavily embroidered gauntlet, lurked the assassin's dagger, so that to
unglove before a hand-clasp grew to be considered an act of good
faith.
The bow, the hand-clasp, and the kiss are the jjrincipal methods of
salutation employed by the most highly civilized nations of this era
of the world.
INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. M
llie how is the most proper salutation among friends and acquaint-
ances meeting in public It is also frequently resorted to en private
occasions.
The bow should never degenerate into a nod ; this is both ungracious
and ungentlemanly. The hat should be lifted sufficiently to clear the
head, and the bow, in the reception-room, should slightly incline the
body also. Ladies should incline their heads gracefully and smile
upon their friends pleasantly, but not broadly.
Removing the Hat.
A. gentleman should remove his hat from his head with the hand
farthest from the person saluted. This turns the hat from instead of
towards them. If you see that the person saluted is going to stop
to shake hands, use the left in order to leave the right free.
A gentleman, in giving assistance to a lady in any difficulty (which
should be offered immediately), should do so courteously, lifting hi£
hat and requesting the pleasure of assisting her. This rule, unfortu-
nately, is much more frequently observed on the Continent of luirope
♦:han in England or America.
Gentlemen meeting and passing ladies on hotel stairs, or in the
corridors, should lift their hats, whether acquainted or not. The
sam.e courtesy should be observed on entering an elevator where there
are one or more ladies, or in opening a door for a LuIn' and giving
her precedence in entering.
All these observances, slight as they are, mark the thorough gentle-
man who respects all women, whether or not there has been a formal
presentation between them.
In gix'ing up a seat to a lady in a street car, or a crowded room, a
gentleman will do so with a slight bow. Such a kindness should
always be acknowledged by the lady with a ]:)ow and a polite " Thank
you." American women are too prone to take this altogether optional
courtesy on the part of men as a matter of course, deserving no thanks
at their hands, or to look upon its omission as an infringement of
their rights. No true lady will ever fail to acknowledge such cour-
32 INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS.
tcsies. Any aid given, or information furnished, should also call forth
her thanks.
A gentleman walking with a lad}' will salute with a bow any person
they may meet to whom she extends the same courtesy, even should
the party be quite unknown to him.
Where two gentlemen are walking together and they chance to
meet a lady with whom one is acquainted iind the other not, both
should bow, the one because of his acquaintance and the other out
of respect.
The Privilege of Recognition.
A gentleman should usually wait for a lady to recognize jim first
on the street. This privilege of recognition is her prerogative.
Especially is this the case if he is simply the acquaintance of a
single evening's entertainment. Acquaintances of long standing,
however, do not wait for such formalities, usually speaking at about
the same moment.
When a gentleman and lady are walking together and another
gentleman, also a friend of the lady, should meet or overtake the
couple, a l)ow and smile and a word of greeting are all that can be
permitted the newcomer, when he should at once pass on. By doing
otherwise he affronts the lad\''s escort, and should she, by word or
look, endeavor to retain him at her side, she also sins against that
conventional code which argues that by her own consent she has
granted her company, for the time being, to her first escort.
As before said, introductions are not to be given in public places,
but should it happen -Mt a lady walking with a gentleman meet
another lady, and either pause for -i few words, or else walk on beside
her for a few steps, the gentleman, at her departure, should lift his hat
politely in farewell.
If a gentleman should .stop a lady on the street for conversation,
and she should be desirous of discontinuing it, she should bow slightly,
whereupon the gentleman must instantly take his leave. If she
should walk on without breaking up the conversation, he is bound
to accompany her.
INTRODUCrriONS AND SALUTATIONS. 3S
Absolute good form, however, dcmancls tliat a jrcntlcman, wisliiiifj
to converse with a lady on the street, should, instead of stopping; her,
turn and walk with her for a short distance in the direction in which
she may be going. When the conversation is finished, he should lift
his hat, bow, wish her " Good morning" or " Good afternoon," as the
case may be, and retrace his footsteps in the direction in which he was
previously going.
Young ladies show the same deference in awaiting a bow from a
woman much their senior that a gentleman does towards a lady.
A gentleman, in bowing to a lady, if he should be smoking, remove's'
his cigar from his lips ; anil if, alas ! his hand or ha.nds should be in
his pockets, withdraws them inmiediately.
Returning Salutations.
A lady's bow should always be returned by a gentleman; if he
should be determined not to recognize Jier he should take the pains of
crossing the street or in some other manner avoiding the meeting.
Bows from persons not recognized at the moment should Ije returned,
as it may be some one, not recalled at the moment, yet who has a
claim upon your politeness.
If the same friend is met several times in the course of a walk or
drive, the first bow is all that is required, a smile, or a glance answer-
iiii; all purposes of recognition at after meetings.
A gentleman lifts his hat on passing a funeral procession or a group
of mourners ; he removes it entirely on entering a church, and he
should remove it on entering a private offire ; he should remain un-
covered while talking to a kuly at a door, unless, after the kindly
custom of French ladies, she should request him to replace his hat, on
account of wind or weather ; in short, he should be with uncovereil
head much more than American men are apt to be.
Gentlemen, who are acquainted, should lift their hats slightly upon
meeting one another, but should never fail to do so should either one
be walking with a lady. Under such circumstances a simple nod
Would be a slight towards her.
li iNTRODtlCri'IONS AND SAl^UTATrONS.
A recognition, by bow or smile, is not required from opposite sides
jf the street, or across hotel dinin«^ rooms. Gentlemen riding oi
driving, and having both hands occupied, are not compelled to lift the
hat on bowing.
If saluted by an inferior, do not fail to return the courtesy in kind,
emembering Henry Clay, who, when asked why he lifted his hat to
an old colored ^nan who had paiil him the same deference, replied, " I
never allow j ^Kg *o to outdo me in politeness, sir."
Shaking Hands.
Gentlemen, as a rule, shake hands upon being introduced to one
another. The lady of a house usually shakes hands with all guests
whom she receives in her house for the first time. Gentlemen do not,
however, offei to shake hands with the hostess, leaving it to her to
put the stamp of cordiality upon the ceremony (jf 'ntroduction, or to
.•-imp'.y pass it with courtesy.
If a lady extends her hand to a gentleman, he does not, as of old,
remove his glove, nor does he make use of the out-of-date formul.i,
" Excuse my glove." At his departure the laily bows her adieu, but
does not again extend her hand.
The hand-clasp is a cordi d expression of good will, but there are
degrees of cordialit)' to be observed in the performance of this cere-
mony. Iwery one knows, and shudilers at, the woman who gives
two, or at most, three fingers of a cold and lifeless hand for a. momer.l
into your keeping, and every one recognizes and fears the man wh(.
swallows up and crushes the entire hand within his powerful grasp
Ivich extreme is to be avoided.
A lady should give her whole hand, not her fingers ; a gentleman
should receive it cordially, holding it neither too tightly nor too
loosely, shaking it very slightly and not presuming to retain it.
Should a gentleman sin against any of these particulars, a lady is
justified in I'efusing to offer her hand next time.
A young lady simply gives her hand to a gentleman, neither press-
ing nor shaking his, unless it be in the case of especial friends. Two
]N"rk()i)i(^rio\s ANT) sata'Tations. 35
ladies shake hands quietly Both l.idics and gentlemen always rise to
shake hands. Elderly people, or invMlids, are permitted to exeusc
themselves and keep their seats.
Ball-room introductions for danciii*,^ do not necessitate hand-
shaking, a bow being all that is required. A very particular intro-
duction, wherever given, such as one prefaced by some remark like,
' I want you to kn(nv my friend So-and-So," merits a hand-shake on
your )>art, together with some cordial remark.
Inferiors in social position should always wait until their superiors
offer the hand, never taking the initiative in this respect. This precau-
tion will sometimes save them the pain of a marked slight.
Words of Salutation.
Verbal greetings ought always to be quiet and respectful; they
should never be shouted across streets, nor called when the parties
are at any distance from each other. Nicknames should not be used
])ublicly and promiscuously, in short, all possible respect should be
paid to the feelings of other persons on public occasions.
The phrases, "Good morning," "Good evening," "Good after-
noon," "How do you do?" "How are you?" are the usual forms
employed. Sometimes the name of the person addressed is added,
thus: "Good morning, Mrs. Smith."
i Replies to these salutations are sometimes simply a bow from a
I lady to a gentleman, or perhaps a bow and a repetition of his greet-
i ing, as: "Good morning, Mr, Jones." "How do you do," should
I)' replied to by the same phrase, never, as is often the case with the
n >vice in social arts, by: "I am very well, thank you." A special
inquiry after one's health, however, as: "How do you do, T.Irs.
Jones?" fallowed, after her acknowledgment, by: "How are you?"
or, " How is your health?" should receive the response, "I am very
well, thank you." After an acquaintance has been ill, the first inquiry
by a friend should be one concerning health. This is a rule that
should never be neglected : to do so would be an oversight.
Kissinfj is a custom which the code of English and American eti-
ji INTRODUCnoNS AND SAlArr.VriQNS.
quottc relegates as niucli as jxissihle to the privacy of home. A kiss.
tlic outward exprrssioii of cur closest affeetion and our wannest lovi'.
should lu-vcr he ULuk- a puhlic show whereat the outsitle world may
smile. Hence, the clTusivc kissini;- between -iris and women at their
mectin<; and their parting;-, is to be ret;retted as a specimen, to say the
least, of very bad taste on their part. Indiscriminate kissing of
children and infants is also objectionable on the score of health.
Happily, kisses and embraces among men are never .seen in this
country, though, in some jKU-ts of l-airope they are constantly to be
observed, both in public and private.
H
o
w
«
/^
o
I— (
<1
S.
o
o
>
H
u
O
\h
ttcir"
^<'^;^..^
^M Vii#5!i^'^^^^^ often,"
/Ma^r&€#jiM<!ji>*s»i-;0 X says Loril
L/M^<t?^^<5k.->^ft8»fc.yi X says Loril
Chesterfield,
•• but never long ; in that
case if you do not please,
at least you are sure not
to tire your Jiearers. Pay
your own reckoning, but do not treat the entire company: this being
one of the very few cases in which people do not care to be treated,
every one being fully convinced that he has the wherewithal to pay."
All other arts pale before the art of conversation as a source of
popularity, and no other accomplishment tends so much toward social
success. The contact of many minds is a constant stimulus to mental
activity and its outward expression in animated conversation. It lends
new power to brilliancy of talent, and quickens, to a certain extent,
even then the lowest and dullest of intellects.
Everyone has been surprised and delighted at times by some
unexpectedly brilliant remark that has flashed from his lips during
the course of some animated exchange of badinage and repartee, and
there is no one but reali/.es how the mind acquires breadth and the
opinions grow tolerant as one converses with persons of intelligence
and culture.
Since, however, according to Cicero, " Silence is one of the greatest
arts of conversation," there may be added, with ecjual wisdom, to the
above counsel, " Listen often and well." Be not an impatient listener,
nor yet an impassive one, but pay the compliment of attention and
interest to the subject in hand, and your company will be sought as
an acquisition.
!8 ART OF CONVERSATION.
Any l.idy, by profound attention to, and a pleased interest in the
subject under consideration, may promote the conversation moi^l
skillfully and delightfully. Knowletl^'e of the subject is not alw.iys
necessary. An Kuj^jlish savant, dee[)ly interested in I'-^^yptology, once
escorted a younj^ lady out to dinner. His conversation, as a matter
of course, turned entirely upon excavations, hiero^l\phics, and kindred
topics. Upon all these the younj; lady was profoundly ignorant, hut,
if unversed in l^<,ryptian lore, she was most thoroughly versed in con-
versational arts, and, by hi ..peaking glances of intelligence and her
pleased smile, so fascinated the man of science that he enthusiastic.dly
declared afterward that " Miss L was one of the best conversa
tionalists and the most mtelligent young lady he h.id ever nivt, antl
that her knowledge of Egyptology was something wonderful." This,
to one who had sat opposite them at table, and could have vcjuched
that the lady in question had not spoken a single word through the
entire dinner, was slightly amusing. So strong, however, was the
impression left upon the mind of the savant by her interested attention^
that it would have been difficult to convince him of the fact.
The Good Listener.
This, even if an exception, shows what attentive listening may
accomplish toward social success. Let it be mentioned here, how-
ever, that no one individual should be so carried away by a pet hobby
as to force conversation into a monologue. A very well-bred man,
no matter how great his interest in or eloquence upon any topic may
be, always catches at the slightest hint to close the conversation.
A man will always bear in mind that the greatest compliment he
can pay a woman is a respectful, deferential attention to her words.
There arc men whose very manner of listening conveys, in itself, the
most delicate flattery.
A woman, in her turn, should always remember that, however
interesting her conversation may be, there is always danger that a
man may possibly weary of its protracted continuance, and so she
should forebear leaving him no loophole for escape. Louise Chandlci
ART OF CONVERSATION. .31)
Moulton enjoins one thinjr on women wliich they would do well to
recollect, and that is, "if they want a man to st.iy with them to make
it evidently and entirely easy for him to get away. There is some-
thin" lawless and rebellious in even the best of men ; they hate do'uv^
thinj^s because they are oliliged."
Suitable Topics.
To render conversation ai^reeable, suitable topics for the company
present, if possible, must be chosen. Neither soar above the level of
their conversation, nor sink so far beneath it, as to lead them to infer
thit \'ou possess a very slight opinion of their merits.
In conversiuLj, too many educated men fall into the error of talking
commonplaces to all women alike, as if "small talk," to the exclusion
of all W-ightier matters, were the only species of conversation suited
to a wom;ui's ear. On the contrary, she is more often either hurt or
angered at \our evident condescension, or, on the other hand, she
credits you with just the amount of knowledge that you have evinced
in your conversation with her.
In the search after suitable topics it is well to remember that all are
pleased b) a display of interest in their especial affairs. Thus, by
leading th artist to talk of his pictures, the lady amateur of her music,
the primct donna of her successes, the mother of her children, the
author of nis book, you may rest assured that they will always speak
of you a^ a person of great discrimination and a very interesting con-
versation dist. They in their turn, unless extremely devoid of tact and
eminentl/ selfish, will display sufficient regard for your feelings to give
an opportunity for waxing eloquent on your part over your own pet
topics. Be very careful then not to fall into that besetting fault of
good I.Jkers, a monologue, which is fatal to all conversation.
Richard Steele gave a most desirable maxim for conversation when
he said: "I would establish one great rule in conversation, which is
this, that men should not talk to please themselves, but those that
hear them — adapting their words to the place where, the time when,
and the person to whom they arc spoken,"
40 ART OF CONVERSATION.
Misuse of Quotations.
Do not use classical quotations before a woman unless you know
that, by virtue of a classical education on her own part, she is capable
of appreciating the point. Remember, too, that there are a great
many men who, not having enjoyed your educational advantages, are
annoyed, rather than edified by your display of learning.
Do not make a point of exhibiting your learning aggressively any-
where. " Classical quotation is the literarj,- man's parole the world
over," says Dr. Samuel Johnson, but he savored somewhat of the
pedant, and his imitators, by too frequent an indulgence in this habit,
may run the risk of aping his pedantry without possessing his genius.
Neither is it well to interlard conversation Avith too frequent quotations
from luiglish authors, no matter how well they may fit the occasion.
This is a habit that easily becomes tiresome.
"Small Talk."
The current change of society is the light coin of" small talk" that
breaks with chink and shimmer the heavy bills of large denomination,
that else would overwhelm social conversation with their size.
Wiseacres may meet and learnedly discourse on all manner of sage
subjects, but that is discussion, debate, argument, what you will, not
conversation. Conversation is light, brilliant, and tossed back and
forth from one to another with the grace and ease of the feathered
shuttlecock.
A lady of high literary attainments was seen in a gay gathering sit-
ting quietly by herself in a corner, and, being questioned by a friend
as to her silence, replied, half bitterly, " I have no 'small change,' and
my bank bills are all of too large denomination for the occasion."
This is a difficulty that one should strive to overcome, for, after all,
it is small change, rather than bank bills, that society in general
requires.
Given the foundation of even a moderate education, the aspirant for
social success will gain more ideas from modern fiction than from any
ART OF CONVERSATION. 41
other source whatever. No historian presents the social manners and
customs of his time with half the accuracy displayed by our best
fiction writers. A well-known society woman, familiar with its usages
both at home and abroad, declares that "a course of Anthony Trol-
lope is as good as a London season," and we all know that Howells
and James and other authors of that ilk have lifted the portieres of our
own drawing rooms and shown us what is transpiring therein. Gai!
Hamilton says 'hat to be " well-smattcred " is next best to being
deeply learned and nowhere can a smattering of almost everything be
better gained than from the modern works of fiction.
A Valuable Source of Knowledge.
h. .riend of the writer, a talented elocutionist, and socially brilliant,
once said with reference to her (juiet country home and her sudden
emergence therefrom to mingle in Washington society, that she found
herself perfectly at ease in those circles so widely different from her
previous experience of life, and that "she attributed it wholly to her
knowledge of social customs and the social atmosphere, as gained
from the best society stories." It was in this manner that she served
her social novitiate and the result bore testimony to its efficacy.
Where one is not quite sure of rising to the occasion it is well to be
provided, before attending a social gathering, with several topics that
will be suitable to bring forward in conversation. Many are in the
habit of doing this constantlv. Some new book, one that created a
little sensation, some course of lectures, some late theatrical or operatic
entertaiimient, anything, in short, that is generally popular. Be careful,
however, in broaching such subjects not to egotistically give your own
opinion at the outset by saying decidedly, " I think that book is a
perfect failure, quite absurd in fact. What is your opinion?" This
course of action, if your companion is younger or more timid than
yourself, will probably reduce him to the point of having no opinion
whatever, or at least to being afraid to express it, and the conversa-
tion, as such, will fail completely. Whereas, if you had quietly asked
liun if he had read the book, how he enjoyed it, etc., you would have
42 ART OF CONVERSATION.
j:^r,i'Jually entered upon a conversation wherein you would have drawn
out his ideas and at tlie same time have been enabled to display your
own.
Cultivate Your Mind.
One of the first requisites of social success is a cultivated mind.
You cannot hope to hold your own in society without at least a
general knowledge of the events of the last few years in historical,
scientific, artistic and social fields. Such knowledge is easily gained
by a little stud}' and a great deal of observ^ation, the pains taken
being more than recompensed by the ease and assurance with which
one enters society.
If a musican or an artist, vou should be sure to know something of
your chosen art aside from the mere technicalities. Be well versed in
the various schools of painting, the varied merits of the musical mas-
ters of the past and present. Be filled with the spirit as well as the
technique of your profession and you cannot fail to converse pleas-
antly upon these subjects. Always remember, however, not to
advance your opinions to the utter exclusion of every one else, or
your companionship will become tiresome to the best of listeners.
"Drawing Out Others."
The very essence of the art of conversation is to draw others out
and cause them to shine ; to be more anxious, apparently, to discover
other people's opinions than to advance your own.
Who does not remember gratefully and admiringly the sympathetic
people who seem to draw out the very best there is in us — in whose
company wc appear almost brilliant, and actually surprise ourselves
by the fluency and point of our remarks ? Such people are a boon
to society. No one sits dull and silent in thtnr presence, or says
unpleasant, sarcastic things before them, and, while never seeming to
advance any views of their own, and certainly never forcing them
upon our attention, we involuntarily learn of them and love them,
scarcely knowing why.
ART OF CONVERSATION. 43
Malcbraiichc showed his knowledge of human nature when he
wrote: '* He who has imparted to others his knowledj^e witliout any-
one perceiving it and without drawinj^ from it any advantage, neces-
sarily gains all hearts by his virtuous liberality. Those who would
be loved, and who have much wit, should thus impart it to others."
The Passion for Argument.
Never permit yourself to be drawn into an argument in general
society. Nothing can be more provocative of anger on one side or
another, or more destructive to conversation, than a lengthy and, too
often, bitter argument. Good breeding would suggest that the sub-
ject be changed at once before the controversy becomes heated.
Ivspecially should any debate upon politics or religion be avoided as
subjects upon which two seldom agree, but which are so close to the
hearts of the majority as to cause serious annoyance if their pet
beliefs are touched upon or questioned. Be careful, also, not to take
the opposite side of every question that is brought up in conversation.
Wit and Humor.
Sidney Smith once said : " Man could direct his ways by plain
reason and support his life on tasteless food ; but God has given us
wit and flavor, and laughter and perfumes, to enliven the days of
man's pilgrimage, and to charm his jjiiined footsteps over the burning
mar!." And Sidney Smith was so much the life and soul of every
.social gatheri'ig that, while the English language is spoken, his wkty
^■cmarks will be quoted with delight.
Wit, however, is too often but another name for sarcasm.-, and
ridicule, that, like a barbed arrow, rankles long in the soul of its
victim. True humor, it should be remembered, is neither scathing
nor insolent ; it is simply that bright repartee that someone aptly calls
the " spice of conversation." Hence it would be well to smother the
temptation to be witty at the expense of another, and crush back the
brilliant but -. jtting retort meant only to wound, not to amuse.
44 ART OF CONVERSATION.
Evil Speaking.
Beware of evil speaking. In the eyes of all right-minded persons
much that you have said recoils upon your own head, for no one has
quite the same opinion of an individual after having listened to a series
of scandalous stories from his lips. Hence, for your own sake, as well
as for that of others, eschew the vice of evil speaking as a very
pestilence.
Let young ladies have a care how they speak lightly or contemp-
tuously of one another at any time, but more especially when convers-
ing with men. Nothing, as a rule, is more prejudicial to a woman, in
the estimation of a man, than this all-too-prevalent habit. No matter
what the faults of your sister-woman may be, condone them gently,
or, if this be impossible, let a silence that is golden fall about the
subject.
Unhesitatingly acknowledge a woman's beauty or talent, and,
instead of detracting from your own merits, it will enhance them
in the eyes of all. A young man was once heard by the writer
counselling his sister from the depths of his own experience as a
social favorite. '* Never," said he, " say one word against a girl to
any young man. It only puts you down in their estimation. Say
something pretty and complimentary about them if you can ; if not,
keep still." And his advice was words fitly spoken, that are, indeed,
" like apples of gold in pictures of silver."
"Telling Stories."
Stories should never be introduced into general conversation unless
they meet several requirements. In the first place, they should be
short and well told. Secondly, they should be new to the company
where they are told. Nothing is more tiresome than listening to a
twice-told tale, though the height of good breeding is to smile over its
tediousness.
One way to avoid inflicting this martyrdom is to ask beforehand if
any one present has heard such and such a story. Then, in the third
"SOCIETY IS QUICK TO TRACE
THE MAGIC OF A PLEASING FACE."
ART OF CONVERSATION. 45
place, it must be straight to the point, and dinxtly called for as an
illustration of the case in hand.
Do not tell more than two or three stories or anecdotes in the same
evening. Never be guilty of relating in company a narrative that is
in the least questionable in its import. This is utterly inexcusable,
and, to so sin, is to render one's self unfit for social companionship.
Avoid repetition. If some portion of an anecdote has met with
cipplause, do not repeat it. Its unexpectedness was its only charm.
Absent-Mindedness.
This is a sin against good manners which cannot be too greatly
condemned, being, as it is, in some measure an insult to the company
in which you find yourself No one cares to be of so little importance
as to find the person addressed totally oblivious of his presence or
remarks, and no one can blame him if, as Chesterfield suggests,
"finding you absent in mind, you should speedily find them absent
in body."
Profuse Compliments.
To be endurable, compliments should be made use of in a very
cautious ano' nrtful manner. If permitted to degenerate into gross
flattery they are far from complimentary to the understanding of the
individual addressed. The day, happily, is long since past when con-
versation between men and women was confined to unmixed flattery
on the one side and blushing acceptance on the other. That "the
best flattery is that which comes at second hand," no one can de y,
yet, judicious praise is not only acceptable but useful many times in
giving the needed incentive, without which the flagging footsteps
might have faltered on their way.
Contradictions and Interjections.
Never be guilty of abrupt contradictions. If you differ decidedly
from some given opinion, soften the expression of your difference by
such modifications as, "I hardly think so," or, " My idea is rather
4« ART OF CONVERSATION.
different," or, "I beg to differ." This is much more polite and less
likely to arouse antagonistic feelings. ■
In conversation never allow yourself to fall into the habit of using
constantly such phrases as "You don't say! " ** Uo tell!" "Did you
ever?" "Is that so?" and many others that will come to mind as you
recall your own faults in this respect, and the faults of your friends,
An equal avoidance should be cultivated of such interjections a.s
" Say," "Well," etc., with which we often begin our sentences. Tlie.se
habits are all to be condemned an I should be corrected ns .speedily as
possible.
Voice and Manner.
Let youi ^ice be low and pleasantly modulated and your enuncia-
tion clear, distinct and musical. All these things are marks of good
breeding, and, if not yours by birthright, may be acquired by patience
and perseverance. Avoid high tones and nasal tones. Do not talk
rapidly, or in a hesitating, stumbling fashion. A partial course in
elocution and voice training will work wonders in this direction, -^nd
any one determined to succeed will never regret the time or money so
spent.
Cultivate also, if shy and timid by nature, self esteem sufficient tc
imagine that you are quite the equal of those with whom you are
about to meet. This resolution will enable you to say what you wish
without fear of mistake, and without showing too much respect of
persons. The above-mentioned elocutionary lessons will also be an
; i 1 toward acquiring self-possession.
Repose of manner should be assiduously cultivated. Do not fidget
or loll about in your chair, or twist your fingers constantly, or play
with something while you talk, or restlessly beat a tattoo with fingers
or feet. All such faults render your companionship a burden to those
about you.
Indulge in no facial contortions, as they rapidly become habits diffi-
cidt to break and usually leave their traces on the face in lines
impossible to effixce. Lifting the eyebrows, rolling the eyes, opening
ART ()? rO\\T.R?;ATTON. 4?
them very widely, tuistinj^ the mouth and opening it so as to show
the t()n<;uc in t ilkinj^r, arc all disagreeable habits, that, once acquired,
can only be broken by ceaseless vigilance. Practice talking without
moving the facial muscles but slightl)'. Do this before your mirror
daily, if necessar}-, and before the same faithful mentor learn to open
the eyes less widely, parting the lids only just so far as to show the
colored iris without a glimpse of the white portion, or cornea, of tlie
eye above or below it. The time thus spent will result in a change
most gratifying to yourself and frienciS,
Conversational Sins.
Never interrupt a person who is talking. Never take the words
out of anyone's mouth and finish the sentence for them. To do this
is ill-brcil and does not bespeak your superior discernment, but your
ignorance (^f polite society.
Puns, unless exceptionally witty, are to be carefully avoided.
Young ladies, especially, should beware of establishing any reputation
for punning. At all events, puns should never be far-fetched.
Do not whisper in company; nothing can be more vulgar. Neitlier
should two in a gathering converse together in a foreign language, not
understood by the others present, or talk blindly in a manner unintelli-
gible only to themselves. Should, however, a distinguished foreigner to
whom the language is almost unknown be among the guests, it is a mark
of courtesy for as many as possible to converse in his native tongue.
Do not immediately break off the conversation upon persons entering
the room. It is too a])t to leavx^ the impression upon their minds
that the discourse was of them. In carrying on a conversation after
newcomers enter the room, briefly recapitulate what lias gone before,
that the thread of the story may be complete for them. Look at those
with whom you are talking, but never stare.
Profanity is the last and most inexcusable sin committed against
good manners and propriety. The man who will deliberately use
profane language in the drawing-room, or before women and children,
or aged men, should be considered without the pale of .^ood society.
48 ART OF CONVERSATION.
I.arifTuarrc coarse in its tendency is open to the same criticism, anil
.'cmarks and stories tliat carry a double meaiiini^ cannot be too
severely condemned. If it is at any time possible for a woman to
receive such a story in its innocent sense, let her do it, showing by
some remark the lij^ht in which it is taken ; otherwise, she should be
apparently blind and ignorant as to its meaning.
Avoid affectations. In conversation make use of lon<z; words as
little as possible, and wherever a short and easily iniderstood one i?^
suitable to express your meaning, choose it in preference to one of
polysyllabic proportions.
Use of the Lips and Facial Expression.s
Do not cover the lips with the hand, or a fan, while speaking. Tc
do so shows nervousness and a lack of social traininij. Besides this,
much of the expression of the face lies in the mouth. This is shown
by all actors, readers and public speakers, who, as a rule, appear be-
fore their audiences with closely-shaven faces, that no portion of the
varying changes of the lips may be lost.
Never, if you are a man, speak lightly of women. Nothing so
surely lowers your own standard in the eyes of all sensible people.
Never hurt the feelings of others. Never allude publicly to times
when you have known them in less affluent circumstances than the
present.
Be very careful to guard against over much laughing. Nothing
gives a sillier appearance than spasms of laughter upon the slightest
provocation. It .soon grows into a very disagreeable habit. Smile
frequently, if need be, but be moderate in laughter. A very littlr
reasoning will serve to do this; and the reflecticMi that few grown
people laugh well will aid still farther in curbing the propensity.
Let your greeting of acquaintances be free from boisterousness
and flimiliarity. Do not bring your hand down heavily upon their
shoulder, nor emphasize your sentences with pushes and punches of
an active elbow, nor fling your arms about their necks or shoulders.
To some fastidious persons these boorish acts are a positive insult.
ART OF CONVERSATION. 4i
An affectation of boisterous familiarity more often betrays a feeling d
sot i.il inferiority than absolute shyness or timidity does.
Never permit yourself to correct other pe()[)le in matter or manner,
unless it should be absolutely necessary to protect some one else,
Untier .dl ordinary circumstances tlo not betr.iy a confulential conmui-
nication made you by a friend. Set the seal of the ccmfessional upon
it. If it should be sorrowful in its nature, tlo not mention it even to
the friend who has confided it to your keepin-; unless he or she
should first refer to it. It may have been confessed in a moment of
confidence and rej^retted almost as soon as spoken, hence, do not
revive the memory yourself
Control Your Temper.
Keep your temper under all circumstance while in company. Even
if some remark has been made with plain intent to injure your feelings,
an absolute ignorin<^ of the intended sting will prevent others, and,
most of all, the guilty party, from perceiving, the tlcpth of the wound.
A true gentleman, or lady, is never c^uick to take offense.
Never ask impertinent or personal (questions, uidess these latter are
called for by the nature of the con\ersation. Be careful not to give
advice unless it is sought, and remember then that it is a commodity of
which a very little goes a long way.
And last, but not least, utterly eschew all slang. There are some
young ladies who apparently think that a little slang, to spice their
remarks, is piquant and saucy, but, in the majority of cases they so
soon overstep the mark and fall into the deplorable habit of constantly
and copiously interlarding their speech with all manner of slang
phrases, that one is forced to advocate total abstinence as the only
safeguard.
The too common habit of exaggeration, on the part of so many
schoolgirls and young ladies is also to be deplored, a c|uiet unobtru-
siveness of speech always marking the true lady.
Do not, in speaking, too frequently mention your hearer by name.
To do so implies either great familiarity on your part, or social in-
A.
7>0 ART Ol- COWT.RSATION.
ftriority on theirs. In this latter case it savors strongly of patronage.
\n speaking to people always give them their proper titles, a.s :
•* Colonel," " Doctor Jones," " Professor Gray." Never make a prac-
tice of saying: "That is so. Colonel," but, "That is so. Colonel
Sharp."
In mentioning a married daughter, unless to a very intimate friend,
give her married title, as : ".Mrs. Milkr," or, " My daughter, Mrs,
Miller." In speaking of unmarried (laughters, or of sons (unless to
servants), give them their Christian name, as Ilattie or George, or else
mention tliem, and this is better before strangers, as : "My daughter,"
or, "My son."
Misuse of Initials.
Never address persons by their initials, as: "Mrs. W.," "Miss C,"
"Mr. D.;" give them instead their full name. Neither should }'oi/
call young ladies, "Miss Mollie," or "Miss Jennie;" "Miss Smith,'
or, " Miss Hrown," being in much better taste. Their Christian names
shoukl only be used to distinguish them from other sisters, Nevet
address people by iheir Christian names unless' very familiarly ac-
quainted. This practice savors of ill-breeding and is often very
annoying to the person so addressed.
In speaking of persons who are absent, mention them by their last
name, as: "Mrs. Roe," "Mr, Doe," imless the intimacy is very great ;
even then care should be taken not to use their Christian names too
freely among persons to whom they may be strangers.
A wife in speaking of her husband should rather say " Mr, Smith,"
than " My husband ;" but, above all, let her refrain from referring to
her liege lord as "he," as if the whole wide world possessed no other
mortal to whom that pronoun was applicable. Husbands should
follow the same rules in referring to their wives.
Be careful not to interlard conversation with 'sir," or "ma'am,"
In Europe these terms are relegated to the use of the lower cla.sses.
YisiTiNG Cards.
ARDS arc the sign manual of society. Their
use .'ind development belongs only to a hisj,!:
order of civilization. They accompany iis,
as one writer lias justly remarked, all lIic
\\a\' from the cradle to the <^n-ave. They
begin with engraved announcements of tliC
birth of a child, then cards for its christening,
and, later on, daintv little cards of invitation
for children's parties, until, in due time, tho
girl crosses that line
"Where the brook and river meet
Womanhood and childhood sweet,"
sets up a card of her own, and blossoms forth into a young l;idy.
They c'mnounce the gaieties, the pleasures, the anniversaries of life :
they inquire for us during our illness and sorrow, they return thanks
for our gifts and attentions, and, finally, they commemorate to ou
friends the last, sad earthly scene and ring the curtain down.
The stress laid by society upon the correct usage of these magic
bits of pasteboard will not seem unnecessary when it is remembered
that the visiting card, socially defined, means, and is frequently made
to take the place of, one's self. It will be seen, therefore, that one of
the first requisites for social success is to understand the language, so
to speak, of the visiting card. With this end in view the following
suggestions on the subject have been carefully arranged with due
regard to brevity, accuracy and ease of reference.
Style of the Card.
The card should be perfectly plain, fine in texture, thin, whit<\ un-
glazed and engraved in simple script without flourishes. Gilt edges.
61
52
VISITING CARDS.
rounded or clip/-^d corners, tinted surfaces or any oddity of lettering,
such as Germ/n or Old English text, are to be avoided. A photo-
graph or any ■.' rnamcntation whatever upon a card savors of ill-breed-
ing or rusticity. Have the script engraved always, never printed.
The engrav-^d autograph is no longer considered in good taste, neither
are written :ards as elegant ;is those that are engraved.
Size of the Card.
The tribulation size, both in this country and England, for a lady's
visiting" ,:ard is three and one-half inches in length and two and one-
half i>-^jies in widtli. This oblong form is most generally used, but
r
there is an almost square shape, two and a half inches by three, also
in favor, and especially used by unmarried ladies where the shortness
of their name would be too much emphasized in the longer card. For
instance : " Miss Ray" would be c[uite justified in choosing the square
style, while "Miss Ethelinda Crane" or " Mrs. Algernon Spencer"
would find the length of their names displayed to better advantage on
tl'.e oblong card.
K'i.f.ds Lir gentlemen arc much smaller than those for ladies, This
VISITING CARDS
53
holds good in both England and America, where the required size is
three inches one way by one inch and a half the other.
r
Ui' f.'&i^ffe^j-/i' ^. ^Q'>j/if'cA'C
i<zz:)
The largest card in use is the one sometimes adopted by the ncwly-
irarried and engraved with their joint names. Thus :
Mr. and Mrs. Grant Trowbridge
va\/ make use of a card four inches long by three and one-half !.i
width, but a lady and her daughter, where their names appear to-
gether, should use the first-mentioned oblong size for ladies.
Engraving the Name.
Married ladies make a point of using their husband's name or
initials upon their cards instead of their own, as :
Mrs. CiEORfiE B. Cleveland,
Or:
Instead of :
Mrs. G. B. Cleveland,
Mrs. Grace K. Cleveland.
It occasionally, however, happens that some lady, unwilling to so
lose the identity of her own name, prefers this latter form. Or, if her
family name be an old and honored one, she frequently retains it, thus:
Mrs. Grace Kthridge Cleveland.
But, though the married woman make use of her husband's name,
she has no claim to his titles \ so that while others may address her
54 VlSITINCx CARDS.
as " Mrs. Judcjc So and So," " !Mrs. Dr. So and So," she must care-
fully avoid all such display. Let her be comforted, liowever, as her
just pride in lier husband's honors is easily j^ratified, since she is
expjcted, on all formal occasions, to leave one of his cards, wherein
liis titles are set forth, with her own.
Occasionally a lady contents herself with having engraved upon her
car Is a simple :
Mrs. CouRTiiopE.
This, however, is unwise unless the nanu; is a very uncommon one,
and even then, should there be more than one branch of the family in
the vicinity, the wife of the oldest member of die family only woL:^<i
have a riij'ht to make use of it.
Newly married couples frecjuently send out for their first cards the
largest size mentioned engraved thus :
Mr. AM) Mrs. ITouiax ]>. IIun'T.
Occasionallx' they preserve this custom througjiout the entire first
season, liut this is all; from thenceforth husband and wife havetlicir
own sejDarate c;irds. They may, however, be used at times through-
out tlie married life to convey messages of sympathy, congratulatioi.,
or to accompany gifts.
Widows hav'C always hesitated about exchanging the beloved and
accustomed name upon their cards for their own signature. This,
however, in many cases, is a necessity, especially where there is a son
bearing the f ither's name. This is sometimes thought to be avoided
by the use of the distinctive "Senior" or "Junior," a custom obviously
wrong, since after the death of Francis ]iro\vn, Senior, Francis ]>rown,
Junior, becomes at once Francis Ijrown, ami liis wife, Mrs. Francis
Brown. Hence, while we have no such convenient title as " Dow-
ager," the widowed Mrs. Francis Brown will be obliged to drop her
husband's name in fi\-or of her son's wife and thenceforth appear
before the world as Mrs. Mary 1^'. Brown. Where there are no
children, or immediate relatives, change of title on the part of the
widow is a mere matter of sentiment
VISITING CARDS. 55
The black border upon a widow's cards should never be over a
quarter of an incli in depth : more than this savors of ostentation
rather than affliction.
Young ladies, especially if it is their first season in society, will find
it the best form to have their names engraved upon the visiting card
of their mother. Thus, if it is the eldest daughter :
Mrs, Wilfrid Ferguson.
i\Iiss Ferguson.
If a younger daughter :
Mrs. Wilfrid Furguson,
Miss Ivihel Furguson.
A.nd if it should chance that two daughters "come out" in consecu-
tive* seasons both of their names are frequently engraved upon their
mother's card, thus :
Mrs. Wilfrid Furguson.
Miss Furguson.
Miss Ftiiel Furguson.
Thjugh It often happens that, for convenience sake, by the time the
second rosi:bud is "out," the first has established a cardcase of her
own. Yet as neither custom nor etiquette sanctions young girls in
having cards of their own, a mother often continues to have the name
of her young daughters engraved upon her own card.
Young ladies should always prefix " Miss" to their names, as :
M:ss AiicE Creighton Wright,
there being a certain forwardness about announcing one's self as :
Alice Creighton Wright.
Especially is this so among strangers, the prefix " Miss " carrying with
it a certain quiet reserve and dignity.
66 VISITING CARDS.
The eldest daughter of a family announces herself upon her card»
as " Miss Wright," unless there arc several of the same name m town,
while the others are respectively "Miss Alice Creighton Wright" and
"MissKthel May WTight." Occasionally a card is used for sisters
engraved as follows :
Misses Wright,
All pet names are to be avoided upon visiting cards and "Nettie
Cranston" very properly becomes "Miss Annette Cranston" upon
her cards.
Neither are initials good form for young ladies, though after an
unmarried lady has reached a certain, or rather an " uncertain," age,
she may, if she choose, be permitted to place upon her visiting cards :
Miss A. C. Wright.
It the young lady be motherless she often has her name engraved
beneath that of her father, using not the smaller card of a gentleman
but the first given oblong card for ladies. In England unmarried
ladies, unless they have reached a very " uncertain" age indeed, follow
the above fashion, and quite young ladies leave their chaperon's card
as well. This fashion is often followed here, and when so done
signifies that they will be inseparable for the season.
Address on Cards.
There is much question as to whether the address should be
engraved on a lady's card, some very exclusive circles prohibiting it
entirely on a young lady's card and questioning its use for a married
lady, suggesting that in case a )'oung lady desires to give her address
to any particular indivichial it may be easily pencilled on one of her
cards for the occasion, antl that married ladies have the privilege of
leaving one of their husband's, with engraved address, in connection
with their own. This custom, while it may seem an over-nicety to
those outside the great centers of metropolitan life, will be appreciated
by all those to whom the "ins and outs" of city life are familiar. It
should be said that while engraving the address is still a mooted ques'
VISITING CARDS. 57
tion, except for youn<^ ladies, each individual is at liberty to use her
own judgment on the question.
Cards for Gentlemen.
The size and style of a {gentleman's card has been already given,
but a few words as to name and titles will be necessary here. Custom,
with reference to the cards that a man must carry, is considerably less
arbitrary than towards women in the same respect. He may use his
initials or his full name, as it pleases him. He may inscribe himself
" Mr. John Smith," or simply " John Smith," and be quite correct in
so doing, though just now there is a little inclination in favor of the
more formal " Mr," an English custom we do well in copying.
Mititary, not militia, naval and judicial titles, may always be used.
Physicians and clergymen have the same privilege ; honorary titles,
however, should be avoided.
A private gentleman would have his card as: Mr. Howard Mason,
24 Union Square. If he were a club man, the club name, providing
it were a very fashionable one, would take the place of the address,
as: Mr. Howard Mason, Union League Club. For a military card:
Captain Arthur Coleman, U. S. A. For a naval card : Admiral
Porter, U. S. N. A medical man might use the following : George
H. Harrison, M.D.
Some eminent men go to extreme simplicity, as, for instance,
** Mr, Webster " being all that graced the cards of that celebrity.
It is hardly necessary to say that a business card should never be
used as a visiting card. A gentleman carries his cards cither in his
pocket or in a small leather case sold for that purpose.
Cards for Receptions.
Cards used for receptions, lawn-tennis parties, afternoon teas, etc.,
in place of more formal invitations, have been fully described under
'• Invitations." One example will suffice here : Mrs. Law'rexce
Barrett, July ist, at 4. p. m. The object of the entertainment being
written in the corner of the engraved card.
58 VISITING CARDS.
Cards for receptions are a necessary convenience in this era ol
lengthy visiting lists. Without tliem there would be no possibility of
leisure or of seeing one's friends at their own homes. The fol'.ow-
ing is an example: Mrs. Emmons B. Churchill, Thursdays. Or:
Thursdays, Three o'clock to five, may be substituted ; the latter form,
however, usually meaning that a simple afternoon tea will be served
on the day mentioned.
A young lady never sends out a reception card in her own name
alone, but her name is engraved upon her mother's card or that of
her chaperon, thus : Mrs. Harold Grav ; Mlss Gray, Wednesdays,
Four o'clock to seven. Or, in case of a chaperone: Mrs. George M.
Jansen; Miss Alice LeVictoire, Wednesdays, Three o'clock to five.
Foreign Phrases.
There arc a certain number of French phrases that custom has
declared shall take the place of that "pure English undefiled "
whereof Spenser wrote. In a few cases these chance to be shorter,
more euphonious, and more directly to the point than the correspond-
ing English phrase. For instance, the word " chaperon," so impor-
tant in its signification at the present, has no adequate English
translation. Below is given an alphabetical list of those phrases in
most frequent use, together with the abbreviations that ofttimes serve
in place of the full phrase :
French Phrases. Abbrevl^tions. Translations.
Bal masque A masquerade ball.
CJuxpcron An older woman attending
a girl in society.
Costume de rigucur Costume to be full dress.
Debut First appearance.
Debutante A young girl making her
first social appearance.
En ville E. V. ... In town oi" city.
fete Chamjfetu , A rural or outdoor enter-
tainment.
VISITING CARDS. 50
Matinee A morning or daylight en
tcrtainmcnt.
.}fa/iuce musicalc A daylight musical enter
tainment.
^^llsicaIc Musical entertainment.
Poiti- (fire adieu P. D. x\. . . To say farewell.
Pour peudrc conge P. P. C. . . . To take leave.
Protege One under protection.
Pcpondez s' il voHs plait . . . R. S. V. P. . . Reply if you please.
Soiree An evening party.
Soiree dansante A dancing party.
Soiree mitsicale A musical entertainment.
The term en villc, when used in the place of " city," in addressing a
note that is to pass through the postman's hands, is a needless and
annoying affectation, since it is hardly to be expected that a knowledge
of the French language forms one of the qualifications for a letter-
carrier's position, and if delay ensues in delivery, the writer, not the
carrier, is to blame.
P. P. C. Cards.
In the event of leaving town for a long absence, P. P. C. cards arc
frequently sent out. This is especially convenient where the length
of one's visiting list renders the personal making of farewell calls an
impossibility. The cards arc sent out upon the eve of departure, and
all persons receiving them are expected, upon the arrival of the
absentee, to return the courtesy by cards (which may also be sent by
mail) and by invitations. The ordinary engraved visiting card is used,
and the initials P. P. C. (an abbreviation of the I'rench phrase " to
take leave ") are written in capitals in the lower left hand corner of
the card. P. D. A. (to say farewell) is occasionally used, but is not
in general favor. If the address should happen to be engraved in the
lower left hand corner, P. P. C. may be written in the lower right
hand corner, cither way being permissible at any time. The large
card inscribc'l jointly with the name of husband and wife is frequently
used in this connection. P. P. C. cards are especially appropriate
60 VISITING CARDS.
where there arc no calls clue. If possible, unpaid personal call«
should be answered in person on the eve of departure.
Turning Down the Corners.
This custom is almost out of date, and in consequence of the
various interpretations liable to be given to the act, its disuse is a
satisfaction to all parties concerned. To briefly explain the custom, a
card turned down at the corner, or across one end, signifies that the
call was made in person, and is sometimes very convenient when one
wishes it distinctly understood that the card was brought in person, not
sent; while one folded through the center denotes that the call in-
cludes all members of the family. A man should not turn down the
corners of his cards.
Minor interpretations, such as which end or which corner is to be
turned down on different occasions, even the surviving adherents of the
custom do not pretend to agree upon.
How to Leave Cards.
In leaving cards follow the fashion of those who have paid you the
same courtesy. If a call has been made upon you, return it by a call,
as to return a personal visit by the sending of a bit of pasteboard
would partake of the nature of a slight. If cards only Imvc been sent
you by a servant, return cards in the same manner by messenger or
servant ; if they were sent by mail, return by mail. If the cards of
any of the gentlemen of a house are left, always leave the cards of any
gentleman of your family in return.
Of course first calls should be made and returned in person, the
card-leaving formalities coming later on. This rule is departed from
only by a few ladies whom age, health, social or literary duties will
excuse from making personal calls. These frequently permit them-
selves to send out cards in place of a first call, either accompanying
them with, or immediately following them by an invitation to some
entertaiment. This attention should receive the same notice as a first
call; cards should be sent in return, together with an answer to the
VISITING CARDS. 61
invitation, if it is of a nature to require it, and a personal call must be
made thereafter, unless it was simply an afternoon tea, and an invita-
tion sent in return speedily as possible.
A lady leaves a card for a lady only, a gentleman leaves cards for
the host and hostess of a house. Some authorities assert that a man
makin^j the first call of ceremony should, in addition to the first-
mentioned cards, if none of the family arc at home, leave another
folded down throuf^h the center for the other members of the family.
The foldin<r, however, is questionable taste and the requisite number
of cards would be better left in their oriifinal state. Cards should be
left for the dau<^hters of a house ; if there are sons, a lady may leave
one of her husband's for them also.
Number of Cards to be Left.
After this first visit of ceremony it is only necessary to leave one
card at any following call throughout the season. As a rule in
country towns but one card is left at any call, unless it is at the iirst
calls of a bride, when, if her husband's name is not engraved upon her
card, she leaves one of his with her own.
A gentleman and lady calling together and finding the mistress of
the house, only, at home, would leave but one card, that of the gen-
tleman for the master of the house. Finding no one at home, they
would leave three cards, one of her's and two of his. A lady calling
under the same circumstancos would leave one of her own cards and
two of her husband's.
When one lady calls upon another, if the hostess be at home she
does not send in her card (unless she is an entire stranger), nor docs
etiquette strictly enjoin her to leave it in the hall, unless it is upon her
hostess* reception day, when, on account of the large number of
visitors, it would be difficult to remember all. It then becomes a very
desirable custom for a lady to leave a card, together with two of her
husband's. Also when the servant is somewhat dull of comprehen-
sion as to the name it will be well to send in a card to prevent mis-
takes. On reception days in very f ishionable houses it is the custom
62 VISITINC. CARDS.
to announce the guests by name as they enter the room, so that cards
need not be sent in.
Never liand your own card to your hostess. If it be necessary, in-
troduce yourself verbally, doin^ so quickly and clearly, and bein^ sure
to mention yourself, if a )dun^ lady, as " Miss."
Busy, elderly, and even young men are very prone to leaving their
cards in the hands of mother, sister, wife, or .ui\' other lad}' of the
house for distr'lration, though after an elaborate entertainment it is
much more indicative of good breeding that a )'oung man should pa)'
liis respects in person to his hostess.
Calls upon Young Ladies.
Young men in this country leave cards for the young ladies of a
house, but they should always leave one at the same time for her
mother or chaperon. In I'urope the)" are never permitted to leave a
card for a young lady at all. They call upon the mother or chaperon,
and while they may offer to send for the young lady, she is never
asked after.
If a gentleman, in calling where there are several young ladies,
especially wishes to see one of the number, he may ask for her, but,
before the call is o\'er, should say he would be pleased to see the
other ladies ; more especially is there no excuse for ignoring the
existence of the mother or chaperon of the young girl.
If a gentleman knows the ladies of the house well, it is not neces-
sary for him to send in a card if they are at home, unless it be the first
call of the season, when it is well to leave one in the hcdl. In a
household consistin;/ of two or more ladies not closelv related a card
should be left for each one.
When ladies are visiting in a house where the caller, whether man
or woman, is unacquainted, he or she always leaves a card for the
lady of the house and requests to see her: a request which she may
not grant, l)ut one which it would be a marked slight to omit.
In leaving a card for a friend visiting at a private house, never write
her name upon it ; depend upon the servant, or whoever opens the
VISITING CARDS. C^
door, to remember for whom it is intended. This is only permissible
when vour friend is at a hotel. In doing this write the name above
}'ours.
When a newly-married man sends cards immediately after his mar-
riat^e to his bachelor friends it ni:,\ bi- expected that he wishes to
retain them as such in his new life. L'pon the reception of tliese
cards they are expected to call upon the bride at once.
How to Send Cards.
Cartls sent by messen<^er are enclosed in a siuL^le unsealed envelope ;
sent by mail this envelope is enclosed within another and lar<^er one
which is sealed. Cards handed in at the door are received by tiie
servant on a salver to prevent beinj^ soiled by handling.
When to Leave Cards.
First Calls of the season necessitate the leaving o'f cards. Let them
be left quietly in the hall. This custom assists the lady of the house
in revising; her visitin"; list.
Letters of Introduction necessitate that those who have received
courtesies in response to such, should, upon tlu;ir departure, send P.
P. C. cards to those that have thus remembered them.
A Change of Residence renders it desirable to send cards by mail to
one's friends with the new address engraved thereon. However,
should there be unpaid calls, the cards to these should be left in
person.
The Return from an Absence, including any length of time, should
be announced by sending out cards having the address and re-
ception day engraved upon them. Where P. P. C. cards have been
issued previous to departure these should always follow the return.
Preceding a Debut. Previous to the date decided upon for the
presentation of a debutante to the social world, the young girl's
mother calls upon those of her friends whom she desires to be
present upon the occasion and leaves them her own and her husband's
cartls, and, if she have grown sons, their cards also.
64 VISITLNC; CARDS.
Reception Invitations to a full dress reception are preceded by a
call by card upon all the acquaintances to whom the hostess may be
indebted.
After Cartls is the name applied to those that are sent to friends
after a marriage and are engraved thus :
Mr. AM) Mrs. Charles E. Smith.
Later on, however, when the bride returns visits, she usually leaves
her own card with her married name engraved upon it, thus :
Mrs. Charlks K. Smith.
at the same time leaving her husband's separate card with her owri,
l^efore Marriage, the bride expectant in paying her farewell calls.
leaves her own separate c;ird, together with that of her mother oi
chaperon, with all acquaintances she may wish to retain in her new
life.
Entertainments and Calls.
After luitertainments, a card, in large cities, is sufficient, unless it
be after a dinner or a wedding reception, when a personal call is made.
If the wedding invitations have been to the church only, not including
the gathering at the house, some most exclusive people send cards to
the bride's parents, afterwards inviting the young people to their ente>-
tainments. But a dinner absolutely requires a personal call.
Even gentlemen, usually so remiss in such matters, are rather ex-
pected to leave a card in person after a dinner. Any invitation,
however, coming from a new acquaintance, necessitates a personal
call, unless the intercourse is not to be kept up. In towns and smaller
cities, a personal call is made after entertainments of any size.
After a Tea a visit is paid and thus the visiting etiquette for a year
is established. Before the season is over, however, the lady, if she
expects to retain her position in society for the next season, must give
a tea, or a series of teas, inviting all who have similarly honored her.
This must be done before the season closes. Where the tea is not
attended, cards should be sent to the house the same day.
VISniNC. CARDS. G5
Special Receptions, such as those dress affairs given once or twice
in a season, require a personal card.
General Receptions, or "at homes," given in a series, the dates of
which are all mentioned on one card, need neither cards nor calls in
return. Your presence there is a call in itself. A card may be left
in the hall upon the day of reception to assist the memory of the
liostess.
Other Hints.
Ladies in a strange city, staying either with friends or at a hotel,
are privileged to send cards, giving their address, to any acquaint-
ances, either lady or gentleman, from whom they may wish to receive
a call. If desirable, they may send a note i'l preference, giving date
or hour when they will be at home.
Special Pursuits. Ladies having special pursuits, literary, or pro-
fessional, often permit this fact to cover remission in social demands,
in fact do not "visit" at all.
For a S(jn, upon his introduction to society here in America, there
is ver)' little display made. His cntnc is usually very gradual, but if
he has been closely kept at school his freedom from this is often an-
nounced by his mother leaving his card with her own when she makes
her visits at the beginning of the season. This is taken as a sugges-
tion that, in future, his name is to be included among the invited
members of the family.
Cards for an unmarried gentleman should never be left by a lady,
except in the case of his having given an entertainment at which
ladies were present. In this case the lady of the house should drive
to his door with her own cards and those of her family. Names of
the young ladies should be engraved for the occasion upon the card
of their mother or chaperon. The cards should be sent in by a
servant. If a call is made upon a lady's regular reception day, it is
rude to leave a card only, without entering and inquiring for the
hostess. The time spent inside the house may be very brief, but even
a few moments will satisfy the demands of etiquette, which without
these would be rudely violated.
66 VISITING CARDS.
Cards may be made to accomplish so much of the multifarious
duties of society that one can scarcely imag. le the social world
revolving safely upon its axis without their intervention. Far be it
from any to look upon the custom as a hollow mocker)', for, without
the system of formal visiting, or calling, society as it now stands could
not exist. Such, too, are the complexities of modern existence that life
would be all too short for the fulfillment of its demands were it not for
these useful bits of pasteboard that do so much of our work by proxy
and dispose of our undesirable acquaintances so speedily by the simple
cessation, on our part, of leaving cards at their door.
Various Cards.
Among the cards as }'et not referred to in this department may be
mentioned the following :
Cards of Congratulation, such as those sent the parents of a newly-
betrothed couple upon the announcement of the betrothal ; those sent
the happy parents of a lately arrived son or daughter, etc. Cards of
this description should be left in person, though it is not expected that
you should enter and make a formal visit. The leaving in person,
however, is a compliment.
Cards of Betrothal are distributed by the parents of the newly-
engaged pair, leaving their cards with their own on all friends of the
family. Individuals receiving these cards should call as soon as
possible.
Cards of Courtesy are sent on many occasions. For instance, to a
house where the children or youth of their family have been invited
without including the ciders. This is done in acknowledgment of the
courtesy extended to their children. Again, a gift however simple,
even flowers, should always be accompanied by a card of courtesy.
The simple visiting card is usually sufficient, though a " Merry
Christmas," " Happy New Year," or " Many happy returns of the
day," may be penciled beneath the name. If there are many words
to be written, however, a little note of courtesy is far better. (See
Notes.) The recipient of the gift should answer by a note of thanks.
VISITING CARDS. 67
never by a card simply. Cards should also accompany, or be attached
to, P.owers sent to a funeral, that the family may know friends remem-
bered them in their sorrow.
Cards of Inquiry are frequently sent, or better still, left in person,
at the homes of friends prostrated by severe illness, or by recent
bereavement. These usually have the words, "To inquire," or "With
kind inquiries," pencilled above the name. These are many times a
source of relief during the weary days of convalescence, or the heavy
hours of seclusion after affliction, when the voices of friends would be
too hard to bear, but the thought of their loving remembrance yields
a healing balm. In cases of bereavement the cards should be sent
about one week after the sad occasion that called them forth
Acknowledgment of Inquiry Cards.
Cards of Thanks are usually sent out in reply to these cards of
inquiry, since the answering in any other fashion would prove too
great a task. The regular visiting card may be used in this case,
pencilling the words " With thanks for kind inquiries," or, "With
thanks for the kind inquiries of Mrs. ," beneath the engraved
name ; or cards especially engraved for the occasion may be substi-
tuted, thus : " Mrs. presents her sincerest thanks for recent kind
inquiries." These may be sent by mail, but really should be carried
by special messenger. Enclose in two envelopes. There is another
method of acknowledging attentions during a period of bereavement,
viz., the notice in the daily papers. This, however, does not usually
meet with favor in large cities, but the example set by Mr. and Mrs.
Secretary Blaine upon the death of their son, is, from its heartfelf
pathos, worthy of imitation. The card appeared in all the Washing-
ton papers as follows :
"The sympatliy of friends has been so generously extended to Mr. and Mrs.
Blaine in the great grief which has befallen their household that they are unable to
make personal response to each. They beg, therefore, that this public recognition
be accepted as the grateful acknowledgment of a kindness that has beeu most
helpful through the days of an irreparable loss."
m VISITING CARDS.
Birth cards are frequently sent to all friends, at home and abroad,
as soon as the child is named. One very pretty style now in mind
read as follows : Ethel May Toucev, Half-pabt twelve o'clock,
January 12, 1895. This was enclosed in two small envelopes and
sent by mail. These are more especially useful for sending to friends
at a distance.
Christening and Funeral Cards are considered in their respective
departments. Families in deep mourning are not expected to send
out return cards under the first year. .Some prefer, however, to send
cards of thanks very soon to those who have inquired, leaving ordinary
visiting cards unanswered the usual length of time.
THE customs of society in
regard to visiting or "call-
ing," and the rules that
govern these customs, are well
worthy of our attention and care,
since they in a great measure
underlie and uphold the structure of our social life. No one, there-
fore, need consider these details trivial or of little account, since,
according to Lord Chesterfield, " Great talents are above the appre-
ciation of the generality of the world, but all people are judges of
civility, grace of manner, and an agreeable address, because they feel
the gocd effects of them as making society easy and pleasing."
Length of Visits.
Ceremonious visits should always be short, fifteen to tuxnity minutes
being the outside limit, and a shorter time often sufficing. Even
should the conversation become very animated, do not prolong your
stay beyond this period. It is far better that your friends should
regret your vithdrawal than long for your absence. A lull in the
conversation, a rising from her seat, or some pretext on the part of
the hostess, or the arrival of a guest, all give an opportunity for leave-
taking which should be made use of at once.
The Art of Leaving.
Cultivate the art of leaving ; nothing will contribute more to your
social success. It is said of so brilliant a woman as Madame de Stacl
70 VISITING CUSTOMS.
that she failed lamentably in this particular, and, on the occasion of
her visit to Weimar, made with the avowed intention of intellectually
captivating the literary lions of the age, Goethe and Schiller, she
made one fatal mistake, she stayed too long ! Goethe wrote to
Schiller: *' Madame dc Stael is a bright, entertaining person, but she
ought to know when it is time to go ! " It is also evident from her
own statement that she did not know Jiozv to go. She lingered after
she hatl started, and if this were an unpardonable sin on the part of so
marvelous a woman, it is surely a capital crime on the part of ordinary
mortals.
The art of leaving is more thoroughly understood by men than by
women. The necessities of business life teach the value of time, and
the press and hurry of city circles teach them the art of leaving
?,uickly, so that a social call on the part of a business man is a model
3f good manners. When he has "had his siy" and politely listened
to yours, he takes his hat, says "good day," and is gone from your
presence without giving opportunity for those tedious commonplaces
of mutual invitations and promises to come again which seem a social
formula with so many women.
When Ready to Leave, Go at Once.
Never say, "I must go," but, when you have finished your visit
and rise to depart, go ! Never permit yourself to be drawn into touch-
ing upon any subject at this critical moment that will necessitate
lengthy discourse for yourself and hostess, or force upon you the
awkward alternative of reseating yourself to finish the conversation.
There is always a certain awkwardness in thus repeating the ceremony
of leave-taking which may be avoided by a quick and graceful depar-
ture that leaves both host and guest with feelings of the utmost
amiability toward one another.
On the other side it is necessary that the host and hostess supple-
ment this laudable endeavor on the part of their guests in order that
the departure may be gracefully accomplished. Never detain the
visitor, who is attempting to leave, by protests, by inquiries, or by the
VISITIXG CUSTOMS. 71
introduction of new subjects. One writer very pertinently says : "The
art of leaving on the part of the guest needs to be supplemented by
the art of letting go on the part of the host."
First Calls.
There is, possibh', more difference of opinion on the subject o{ zvho
shall make the first visit or call and wJun it shall be made, than almost
any other point of ctic^uette. At the same time more importance is
attached to it than to almost any other social question, and it touches
more uniformly every phase of city or country life than any other
canon of courtesy.
Neither neighborliness, nor good-Samaritan feeling, can exist with-
out the civility of a call, and, when there is too great a hesitancy on
.1 e part of a resitlent to call upon the newcomer, one is reminded
LMther of the priest or the Levite as they "passed by upon the other
>ide," or is forced to recall the parvenue's dread of losing a footing in
social circles.
Common sense and kindliness of heart are always to be relied upon
in matters of this nature, and the -nitiatlve may safely be taken by
those who have social position, age, or length of residence on their
side. Of course in large cities the immense demands of social life
give a certain immunity from anything like promiscuous calling to
those whose circle of acquaintance has already grown beyond the
limits of their time. In towns and villages, however, no such immu-
nity exists, and a call may be easily made, or a card left, while, on the
other hand, should the new accjuaintance prove "pushing," or in any
way obnoxious, one simply ceases to leave one's cards and the evil is
done away with.
Many elderly ladies, and others whose time is very much occupied
Dy social or other duties, excuse themselves from calling customs.
Under such circumstances, they frequently send their cards, accom-
panied by an invitation, to newcomers younger in years, thus entirely
omitting the personal visit. Such invitations, whether accepted or
not, should be iionored in the same manner as if preceded by a call.
72 VISITING CUSTOMS.
If two people meet pleasantly at a friend's house and wi'sh to con-
tinue the acquaintance so begun, let them not hesitate, shouUl none of
the before-mentioned distinctions exist, as to which should make tlie
first visit. Still, it is ofttimcs wise not to call too hastily upon the
newcomer, especially in- cities, where it is well first to be properly
introduced, and further still to have some assurance tliat your ac-
(juaintance is desired by them as well. As before stated, priority of
residence, age, or pre-eminence in social position, should properly be
upon the side of the one making the first iidvances. If none of these
exist, let the braver of the two break the social ice.
The etiquette of summer resorts demands that the owners of cot-
tages call first upon renters, and afterward that both unite in calling
UDon later comers and arrivals at hotels or boarding houses. Of
course, such intercourse is simply for the pleasure of the time being,
and carries with it no responsibility of recognition in the future, unless
such recognition should be satisfactory to both parties. It would be
well for the "summer girl" and the "sumnn^r young man" to remem-
ber this canon whereby "society" guards the doors of its exclusive'
ness, enjoy the "good that the gods give" and expect no more.
Substitute for First Call.
In continental countries, and in cosmopolitan Washington, new-
comers make the first advances themselves, leaving cards with those
whom they wish to number among their acquaintances. Every one
returns these cards, and invatations flow in upon the aspirant for
social honors. This custom, unfortunately, does not hold good any-
wdiere else in this country, though a polite expedient is sometimes
adopted by persons entering upon life in a new city. This consists in
the newcomer sending out her cards for several reception days in a
month. These may be accompanied, or not, by the card of some
friend well known in social circles, if such she have, to serve as
voucher. If not, she relies upon her own merits and sends out her
cards unaccompanied. According to the varied authorities recom-
mending this course of action^ those rudely ignoring this suggestion
VISITING CUSTOMS. IS
are few in number, and the lady is permitted at once to feel that she
has commenced her social career.
Morning and Evening Visits.
Any visit made between the hours of twelve and six is to be looked
upon as I. morning visit, though there is a little difference in various
cities with regard to the exact time. Where one expects to touch
upon reception hours, from three to five is usually a safe limit. In
country towns or the small cities, from two to five are the usual hours
for p;i\'ing visits. Evening visits should be made between the hours
of eight and nine, and ordinarily should never extend in length
beyond the hour of ten.
Sunday Visits.
Gentlemen are permitted to call upon lady friends, Sundays after
church and Sunday evenings, business cares being their excuse for
not availing themselves of the other days of the week. Of course, if
there exists any known objection in the fmiily to Sunday visiting all
their friends are bound to respect it.
Reception Days.
If a lady have a known reception day, callers are bound, in common
politeness, to make their visits, as far as possible, upon that day. If
this is not donj, either a card only should be left, or, if a personal
visit is intended, particular instructions should be given to the servant
to the effect that if " Mrs. Brown is otherwise enraged she is not to
trouble herself to come down." For which thoughtfulness, " Mrs,
Brown," if she be a busy woman, and troubled with many social
cares, will cordially thank you.
Unfortunately, it often happens that many of our friends have the
same reception day, and one's own'" day " may conflict with that of
one's nearest friend, so that, where the circle of acquaintance is large,
much good nature, a few apologies and a great many cards are nec'^d
Ko safely balance the social accounts.
74 VISITING CUSTOMS.
It is considered a rudeness to simply leave a card, when one hap-
ens to arrive upon a lady's reception day, without entering the room
.or a few moments' visit.
"Not at Home," "Engaged."
The simple and necessary formuht of, " Not at home," or " En-
gaj^ed," are more frequently questioned than any other social custom.
Nevertheless their use is often a necessit\', while, on the contrary, theii
abuse is to be regretted. No suspicion of an untruth need apply to
either, for the phrase, " Not at home," is used with the accepted
signification of, "Not at home, for the time being, to any visitors,"
If, however, conscience rebels against this so transparent fraud, there
is always the alternative of " Engaged," which carries not the least
suspicion of deception with it, but is somewhat less gracious to the
car.
Indeed, were it not for these safeguards, the woman of societ)' must
bid good-by to all opportunities for solitude, self-improvement, or the
fulfillment of her owii social duties.
The servant should be \'er\' carefullv instructed each morninLT as to
the formula,' to be employed through the day, or such portion of the
day as the lady of the house shitl require to herself. No lady, after
a servant has informed her that the mistress of the house is " not at
home," will question as to her whereabouts, or the probable length of
her absence. If she should so far forget her dignity, the well-trained
servant will answer all inquiries with a respectful, " I do not know,
Madame," adding, if such be the case, *' Mrs Brown receives on
Thursdays."
Should a servant show evident hesitation upon receiving your card,
and say, "I will see if Mrs. Brown is in," enter the parlor, at the
same time saying, " If Mrs. Brown is otherwise engaged, or going out,
begf her not to trouble herself."
Never, except upon urgent necessity, insist upon pencilling a word
or two upon a visiting card and sending it up, where a lady is
•'engaged," as a demand upon her attention. If a servant has said
VISITING CUSTOMS. 75
the lady is "not at home," she has a perfect right to refuse the
message.
In suburban towns and small cities, where reception days are not
common, the lady of the house must be very careful how and when
she denies herself to visitors. Intleed, in all cases much discrimination
must be shown in this respect, as great inconvenience may result, and
some injustice bo done, by an indiscriminate denial. But, as before
said, in towns, it is better, if possible, to receive guests. Even if no
servant is kept, the mistress can usually, by the exercise of a little
care, keej) herself neat and presentable. If at any time some slight
alterations are necessary to the toilet, let the interval thus employed
be very short.
Some one has said that it would be well for a lady having a recep-
tion day to devote a part of the morning of the same day to business
'-.alls, and to instruct her servants to inform all comers of this custom.
Visiting List.
It is well for all ladies having a large list of acquaintances to keep
a carefully revised visiting list to assist their memories as to addresses,
names of persons to invite, reception days of acquaintances, and, if
possible, a list of their own ceremonious visits for the season, noting
those that have been returned. The time thus expended is amply
repaid by the convenience of reference and the avoidance of the pos-
sibility of making a second visit when the first is unreturned. Also
this list serves as a basis for the visiting list of the next season ; those
having failed to return calls or cards being dropped from the new list.
Visits Between Ladies and Gentlemen.
A gentleman, as a rule, should not ask a lady for permission to call
upon her. It is very easy for her, if she desires his company, to say :
"I receive Thursdays," or, "I shall be at home Monday." It is a
great discourtesy for a gentleman not to call at the time mentioned, or
in a very few days, after being thus invited by a lady. Some gentle-
men, if simply asked to "call sornetime/' will ask, "when may I hav^
76 VISITING CUSTOMS.
the pleasure of seeing you?" To this question a definite answer
should be returned, if possible. Very young ladies do not thus invite
gentlemen; the invitation coming from either father, mother, or
chaperon.
A gentleman does not call upon a lady without some intimation of
her wishes in the matter, unless he is the bearer of a letter of intro-
duction, or is taken to lur home by some friend siifficiently well
acquainted to warrant the liberty. He ma)', however, seek an intro-
duction through some mutual acquaintance.
Ladies may express regret at being out when a gentleman called ;
he also should regret the absence. If it should happen that a gentle-
man should call several times in succession and be so unfortunate as
to miss the lady each time, it would be quite proper foi her to write
liim a note, regretting her absence and appointing an evening when
she would be at home for his next call. This would remove any
feeling of annoyance on his part that perhaps her absence had been
premeditated.
Gentlemen frequently call upon their married lady friends, doing so
without the slightest appearance of secrecy and with full knowledge
of all parties concerned. Indeed, the right of entrance to some of
these pleasant home parlors is a great boon to the unmarried men of
our cities. Ladies do not call upon gentlemen except professionally
or officially, or, it may be, in some cases of protracted invalidism.
"Out of Society."
It sometimes happens that a newly-married lady, or a newcomer in
some city, through severe illness, a season of mourning, or devotion
to home duties, finds herself, in a year or so, completely "out" of a
society with which she had scarcely become acquainted. If she be
timid and non-assertive, she will sink back dismayed at the prospect,
but if energetic and aspiring, she will at once win her way back by
giving a series of receptions, either formal or informal, to all her old^
time friends; or, by entering into charities, or joining literary or musical
clubs, she will quickly reinstate herself in the memory of society.
VISITINc; CUSTOMS. 7?
Conduct of the Hostess.
A hostess docs not necessarily advance to receive her guests, simply
rising and moving forward a step in order to shake hands (if she
should so wish), remaining standing till they are seated, and, if pos-
sible, keeping the latest comer near her side. Gentlemen should
always permit the lady to make the first advance in the matter of
hand-shaking. It is her prerogative.
As the guests depart, the hostess does not accomp^my each one to
the door, but rising, remains standing until the guests have quite left
the room, when it is to be supposed they will be met by a servant. In
country towns the hostess usually accompanies the guest to the door,
if there are others present, excu ing herself to them and remaining out
of the room but a moment.
Entertaining Callers.
Where there are several guests in the room at once the hostess
should try to make the conversation general and pay equal attention
to all, save that for a few moments, the latest arriv^al engages her
more intimatel)-, or some guest of great intellectual or artistic genius
may be honored among the rest, as a lion of the hour.
If }'ou should chance to find, at once, in your reception room, two
friends with whom you are upon equal terms of intimac}', treat them
with the most absolute impartiality, being demonstrative toward
neither, for there is too much truth in the saying that "there is always
a feeling of jealousy on the part of each, that another should share
your thoughts and feelings to the same extent as themselves," There
are other occasions where the same care against wounding their feel-
ings should be observed.
If there should be any preference with regard to seats, one sug-
gestion is that a lady should be seated on a couch or sofa, unless
advanced in years, when she should be asked to accept an easy chair ;
an elderly gentleman should be treated in the same manner. If a
young lady should be occupying a particularly comfortable seat, she
must at once arise and offer it to an older lady entering the room.
7ft VISITING CUSTOMS.
Should the hostess, upon the arru^il of occasional visitors, twd
engaged upon Avork requiring any attention, she must at once rehn^
quish it ; but should it be light, ornamental, and not at all confining,
she may continue it, if so requested. It would be well, however, to
drop it at intervals, lest it appear as if there were more interest in the
work than the visitor.
Refreshments are not offered to visitors unless it is a regular recep-
tion day with afternoon tea.
Conduct of the Guests.
If a visitor on entering the room finds that name or face has not
been rer-<embered by the hostess, let the difficulty be rectified by the
guest pronouncing the name instantly and distinctly, the hostess, on her
part, to rem(;mber names and faces. A bad memory is inconsistent
with good mannc>rs. In v^ery fashionable houses a servant announces
the name of each guest as they enter, thus saving any confusion.
Should you find yourself ushered into a room where there are
several inmates, all strangers, ask for the individual you wish to see
and introduce yourself distinctl)'.
If your friend is at a hotel, wait in the parlor until the servant wha
carries up your card has returned to tell you whether you can be
admitted. Never follow him as he goes to make the announcement.
A little formality is the best preservative of friendship.
If, while you are paying a visit, other guests arrive, you should,
providing your stay has been sufficiently long, arise so soon as they
are quietly seated, make your adieus to your hostess, bow politely to
the other inmates of the room and take your departure. If you
should be calling upon a lady and meet a lady visitor in her drawing
room, you should rise when that lady takes her leave.
The style of coiiversation should always be in keeping with the cir-
cumstances under which the visit is made. Common sense alone
should teach us that where a short morning call is in question, light,
witty and quickly- changed subjects only should be entered upon^ the
nature of the case plainly prohibiting discussions on many topics.
VISITING CLsrOxMS. 79
Gentlemen arc expected not to use classical quotations before ladies
without a slight apolo<(y and a translation, unless they are aware that
the lady's educational training has made it possible for her to appre^
ciate them. It would be well if they would use the same courtesy
toward other men not gifted like themselves. For a general maxim,
it may be here recommended not to air one's classical learning un-
necessarily, lest it savor of pedantry.
Guests should greet their hostess cordially, but a bow is usually
sufficient to include the others present.
Young ladies visiting a strange city should not receive calls from a
gentleman without requesting the privilege from their hostess, and
hostess and daughters should be introduced to him. Always avoid
the slightest appearance of seeming to use )'our friend's house for a
rendezvous.
Deference to Ladies.
A gentleman rises when ladies leave the room. Ladies bow if it is
a gentleman, rising if it is a lady acquaintance, or a lady much oUki
tiian themselves. A gentleman rises when ladies enter a room, bui
never offers them his chair unless there should be no other in the
room.
A gentleman carries his hat and cane into the drawing room with
him in making a visit. His hostess should no more offer to relieve
him of them that she would take fni and handkerchief from the hands
of her lady guests. If he wears an outer coat he leaves that in the
hall; if there should be no hall the hostess may ask him to put it on
a chair or in another room. His hat and cane he either holds if he
chooses, or places beside him on the floor, never on a chair or other
article of furniture. If he intends spending the evening, he can, if he
choose, leave hat and cane in the hall. Gentlemen should never bring
friends with them to call upon ladies urless they have first received
permission from them so to do.
I After escorting a lady on the previous evening the gentleman should
make a call upon her the following day, if possible. Gentlemen
should not consult their watches during a ceremonious visit. If son>«
80 VISITING CUSTOMS.
pressing engagement should render this necessary, they should offer
both an apology and an explanation.
A gentleman, unless invited, should never seat himself beside his
hostess, but should take the chair pointed out to him.
Gentlemen, in receiving other gentlemen, go to the door to meet
them and furnish them with seats.
The man of the house should escort ladies to their carriage, should
they call while he is at home. If it be raining or otherwise disagree-
able, and they have their own coachman, they should, however, beg
him not to trouble himself.
Gentlemen should decline an invitation to spend the evening when
making a first visit ; indeed, such an invitation should never be given.
A man is usually asked to repeat his visit by the mistress of the
house, not by the daughters, or else it is given by their chaperon.
What Not to Do.
Do not, according to the author of " Don't," be in haste to seat
yourself; one appears fully as well and talks better, standing for a few
moments. A man should always remain standing as long as there
are any women standing in the room. A man should never take any
article from a woman's hands — book, cup, flower, etc. — and remain
seated, she standing. This rule is an imperative one ; he must always
rise to receive it.
Do not take young children when making formal calls ; the
hostess will be in terror as to the fate of her bric-a-brac, and the
mother in dread as to what her }-oung hopefuls may say or do.
Do not take pet dogs with you into the drawing room. Their feet
may be dusty, they may be boisterous in expressing their feelings,
and besides, some people have a perfect aversion to dogs, so that your
visit, thus accompanied, is likely to be far from pleasant.
Do not meddle with, nor stare at the articles in the room. Do not
toss over the cards in the card receiver, if there be one, ana, while
your name is being announced, do not wander impatiently around the
room handling everything within reach.
VISITING CUSTOMS. 81
Do not loll about in your chair, if a ijcntlcman (a lady scarcely
needs this caution), keep your feet squarely in front of you, not cross-
ing them ; ladies would do well to heed this also. Do not torment
pet dogs or cats, or tease the children. Do not call the length of the
room if you wish to address any one, but cross the room and speak to
him quietly. Neither should you whisper to some one of the com-
pany, twist or curl your thumbs or hands, or play with the tassels on
the furniture or window curtains, or commit any of the thousand and
one blunders that mark the underbred and nervous visitor and render
his presence an unwelcome trial.
There are a few other rules that would seem unnecessary to men-
tion here were it not that they are so constantly sinned against.
Among others it may be suggested not to do anything disigreeble in
company. Do not scratch the head or use a toothpick, earspoon or
comb ; these are for the privacy of your own apartment. Use a
handkerchief whenev^er necessary, but without glancing at it after-
wards, and be quiet and unobtrusive in the action as possible. Do
not slam the door, do not tilt your chair back to the loosening of its
joints, do not lean your head against the wall, as it will soil the paper-
iuLT; in short, do unto others as vou would be done hv.
Do not tell long stories, more especially if they are about yourself;
do not iirgue ; do not talk scandal, and be sure not to attack the
religious beliefs of any one present. Do study the chapter on the
"Art of Conversation," and cultivate, as much as possible, that self-
repose of manner that is, above all things, a sign of the lady or
gentleman.
The Reception-Room.
T'.e arrangement of the reception-room itself has much to do with
the pleasure of the visitor. Who does not remember those delightful
parlors where the guests dropped into pleasant convesational groups
as by magic, and contrast them mentally with those other chilly
apartments where a sort of mental frost seems to settle over one's
faculties and incapacitate them for use. Much of this may be
avoided by a judicious arrangement of chairs and couches, just where
S2 visri'ixo cus'i'OxMS.
people drop naturally into easy groups, or, for the time being, suf-
round their hostess.
Propinquity is a great incentive to pleasant conversation, for there
are few people that can talk the pretty nothings and sparkling witti-
cisms, whereof parlor conversation properly consists, across space to
people stranded against the opposite wall. Therefore let the hostess,
who would have her symposiums remembered with delight, see to it
that she has an abundance of chairs, both easy and light, easy ones
for the refreshment of the weary in body and light ones that may be
quickly moved when the spirit moves toward some other group.
A clever woman, to whom all social arts were long-solved problems,
once said that she alwa}'s observed how the chairs were left in a
drawing room where sev'eral people had been sitting and put them in
the same position next time. A group near the door where tb'='
casual caller will naturally drop into one and the hostess into anotha
without the least effort, will b'^ placed in the best possible position for
a little chat. Fulfill these conditions and your drawing room will be
often filled and the fame of it will go abroad.
Formal calls, as a rule, are at best but a duty performed that brings
a satisfaction in itself, but it sometimes happens that, as a reward for
our well-doing, some word may lie said, some friend may be met by
a happy chance that is like a gleam of sunshine on a cloudy day.
(govern our best society
THERE arc certain rules to be obs. rved
in the writing of invitations that can-
not be transgressed without incurring
a just suspicion as to the degree of one's
acquaintance witli the laws and canons that
For instance. Mrs. John Doe issues invita-
tions for a ball or evening party ; these, if issued in her own name
or in the name of herself and daughter, or lady friend, would, very
properly, find them "at home" on a certain evening. Should, how-
ex or, the invitations be sent out in the name of herself and husband,
then it is that " Mr. and Mrs. John Doe request the pleasure of Mr.
and Mrs. Richard Roe's company" at a certain date. We will also
fincJ that Mr. Dick Roe is never "at hon^c " but " requests the pleasure
of your company."
To widely depart ti-om any of these received canons of etiquette is
to commit a decided solecism and to discov^er an utter unfitness for
the desired social rank. Fortunately, there is no need, even for those
not to the manor born, of displaying any ignorance in this matter when
the simple consultation of a standard work on social etiquette will give
the needed information and save the credit of the individual.
At first sight, it would seem a very easy thing to invite a friend to
come to you at a given day and hour, and to accept or declir^ said
invitation would appear a matter scarcely worth considering. This
rash conclusion, however, disappears from view when it is recollected
that the proper phrasing, the suitable signature, and the appropriate
^i INVITATIONS, FORxMAI. AND INFORMAL.
paper, arc all matters of the nicest choice, and indicate with the most
unerring accuracy the good or ill breeding of the parties interested.
From two to three persons only are invited from one family to the
same entertainment, and, in the event of a small dinner party, two
would be the limit. The invitations would be addressed, not to
Mr. Coates and family, but one to " 'Sir. and Mrs. Coates," ;inother
to "The Misses Coates," or to "Miss Coates." If there are brothers,
and they are to be invited, a separate invitation is required for each
one of them; a sinsrle one addressed to the " ^Messrs. Coates" beinsjf
considered in bad taste. To one son and one dautrhter a ioint invita-
tion may be extended in the name of "Miss Coates and Brother."
On rather informal occasions where the family, and perhaps their
guests also, are desired to be present, the invitation may be sent in the
name of " Mr. and Mrs. James B. Coates and Party."
Note Paper for Invitations.
Note paper for invitations should be plain, unruled, heavy in texture,
creamy-white in tint, and of a size to fold once to fit the large, r juare
envelope of the sr.me size and tint. Monogram, if used, or crests, if
they may be rightfully claimed, should be stamped or embossed in
white directly in the center of the upper portion of the sheet and on
the upper flap of the inner envelope only. This envelope should bear
the name simpl}' of the invited guest, and is to be enclosed in a per-
fectly plain, somewhat larger envelope, which bears the entire address
and protects the enclosure from the soil of frequent handling by post-
man or messenger.
Invitation Cards.
Invitation cards, if they arc used, should be heavy, creamy-white,
and of a size to fit the large, square envelope. Such a card is suffi-
ciently large to contain any ordinary invitation, and should be enclosed,
as above, in two envelopes.
Writing the invitation should receive the greatest care, especial
attention being given to securing each phrase a line to itself. For
instance, the names of host and hostess should never be separated.
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 85
but i^ivcn an entire line, tlie same rule applying to the npmes of the
invited guests.
Invitations written in the third pcison should always be replied to
in the tliird person, care being taken to permit no change of person
from beginning to end of the note. This rule holds good in whatever
person the invitation mnv have been written ; regrets or acceptances
must be sent in the same manner.
Xo one, nowadaj's, "presents his (or her) compliments" in giving
or accepting an in\'itation ; neither is "your polite invitation" any
longer the best form. " Your kind," or "your very kind invitation,"
being the most graceful manner of acknowledging the courtesy
extended.
Written Regrets.
Always, if possible, accept a first invitation if the new acquaintance
is to be kept up. In case inexorable circumstances prevent this
acceptance, the regret sent shouUl explain these circumstances fully
and be \'ery cordiidly written ; while the earliest opportunity must be
taken of extending some courtesy in return.
Even should you not desire the acquaintance, your regrets should
be courteous and cards should be left at the house in response to their
ci\'ility. It is then at your own option whether or not to acknowledge
the acquaintance farther.
Invitations can be written or engrav^ed on the large cards, or small
sheets of note paper, that are used for this purpose, though, on all
formal occasions, engraved forms in clear, fine script are preferable,
and for weddings absolutely necessary. If written, black ink should
be invariably used.
A young lady never sends out invitations in her own name; instead,
" Mrs. and Miss Hoyt " are " at home," or the name of the youiig
lady's chaperon appears with her own, as: " Mrs. Haviland and Miss
Hoyt, at home, etc."
Uninvited Guests.
Should it so happen that an uninvited guest finds, accidentally, his
vay into the festivities, let the strictest politeness mark his reception^
86 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
neither word nor glance betraying the slightest surprise at the unex-
pected arrival.
Inviting Married People.
A married man should never be invited to an entertainment without
his wife, nor a married woman without including her husband also in
the invitation. An invitation erring in this particular should be looked
upon as an insult, and should never be honored by an acceptance.
This category, however, does not include gatherings, such as ladies'
luncheons or gentlemen's game suppers, that are wholly confined to
the members of one sex.
Dinners.
Ladies who give many dinner parties usually keep on hand the
engraved invitation cards, with blanks left for the insertion of name
and date. The invitation for a dinner party is always sent out in the
ivame of both host and hostess, and the usual fonn is as follows :
rr,^r/ ^(V/ff^ J£ir,,^/ Qf,
'/^er/eteJi //le // leaJef ie </^ f/ctti^ rr^/y/v^^/^'-y/ €t/ f/t^j^i^n^i.
ji. ei'efi^t^in.
7'
R. S. V. P.
The letters R. S. V. P. are simply the initials of the French words,
K*:pondcz s'il vous plait, meaning, " Reply, if you please."
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 87
Some very stylish people now use, in place of these letters, the
Enijlish phrase : " The favor of answer is requested."
Written invitations, or those engraved for a single occasion, would
read as follows : -
)7
(y//^- rf-^ir/ {//'/hi. ((jY/J -^y^ti/u^irt^/i.^d
The favor of an ansiver is requested.
t\. S. V. P. can be substituted for the last phrase, if desired. If the
hcst be a widower with a young 1 idy daughter, the invitation can be
isjaed in the name of father and daughter, as : " Mr. and Miss Van
Vleit, etc.," or, a lady and her daughter, under similar circumstances,
would issue invitations in the name of " Mrs. Holt and Miss Holt."
Persons who make a point of strictly observing the usages of
polite society are extremely careful, having received any invitation,
to take immediate notice of it, according to proper form. This is
only a courtesy due to the one who has sent the invitation, which
should be accepted or declined promptly, in order that the hostess
may know what to depend upon.
If the dinxier party is given to introduce cither a friend or some
88 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
person of distinction, an extra cartl, inscribed as follows, is enclosed ii\
the same envelope: To meet Mk. — :— . Another form rvould be :
rrr/i^Je^ii.
R. S. V. P.
t
It is well, if the party is given in honor of some celebrated pcr.s(, i,
to give them the choice of several dates before issuing the ger.ei il
invitation, thus assuring yourself that no conflicting engagement w'U
rob the entertainment of its bright, particular star. An invitation tc a
dinner is the highest social compliment that can be offered. It shouid
be sent out about ten days in advance, and requires an immediaf'^ a-td
positive answer, for it is to be supposed that the hostess wishes to
make up her table at once. Both invitation and answer should be
sent by messenger ; all other invitations, and replies to the same, may
be sent by mail. In London, however, where distances are so great,
all invitations, without exception, are sent by post.
In case of an informal dinner, a verbal invitation is sometimes sent,
one or two days beforehand, by a servant, and a verbal answer is given
at the time. The principal objection against this method is that the
iNvnwrioxs, formal and informal. 80
date, having no written reminder, maybe confounded with some other
engagement. Where the affair is not too statel}', an informal invita-
tion, written in the first person, may be pleasantly exchanged between
ft'iend and friend. I-'or instance :
My Dear Mrs. Rok:
My avnit, Mrs. LeFcvrc, of New York City, is here with me for a short
stay, and Mr. Doc and 1 ho])e that you and Mr. Roe can give us the pleasure
of your ( onipany at dinner, on Tuesday, October nintli, at seven o'clock,
when, with a few other friends, we hojjc to pass a i)leasant hour in your
society. Cordially yours,
Marian Dor
Mrs. Marian J)oc, Si. Carolhics Court,
Asking for Invitations.
Asking for invitations for one's visiting friends, while permissible on
some occasions, such as requesting the fax'or of bringing a gentleman
to a ball where dancing men are always at a premium, or an unex-
pected guest of }'our family to a reception or evening party, should
never be resorted to when a dinner party is in question, for, to gratify
the request would, in all probability, throw the whole of a carefully
arranged tabic into disorder. This rule is only to be broken when
the guest to be included is some really celebrated character whose
addition to the company woidd compensate for the extra covers to be
laid and the re-arrangements to be made before the unexpected guest
can be accommodated. No one, however, should feel offense when a
request of this nature is refused. The hostess, in all probability, had
good and sufficient reasons for her course of action. Invitations for
a married couple should never be requested.
Evening Parties, Balls snd "At Homes."
Invitations to these entertainments are issued in the name of the
hostess only, and are sent out from ten days to two weeks in advance.
Informal occasions, however, give very short notice, and it is well to
use the word " informal " in the invitation, that guests may not put
no INVrrATlv)NS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
themselves to inconvenience as regards dress. It must be remem-
bered that this term is too often misleading in its niiture, and many a
sensitive guest lias been seriously annoyed by finding herself, after a
too literal interpretation of the "informal" character of the entertain-
ment, in a crowd of gay butterflies, a misuse of the word that should
be seriously protested against.
Invitations to evening parties and private balls arc less elaborate
than formerly; the word "party" or "ball" is never used unless on
the occasion of some public affair, such as a charity ball, but any
especial feature of the evening may be mcntic""'ed in the invitation.
To an evening party where dancing may, or may not, be a feature
of the entertainment, the following, either engraved or written on a
small sheet of note paper, is a very good form :
(^^^^ .rM./ (#^^ (^^..-^// ^-^^^u^e^.
Informal.
All invitations are to be considered as "formal" unless the word
"informal" appears on the card. If the card states that the enter-
tainment is to be "informal," the invited guest is fully justified in con-
sidering it so, and dressing accordingly. Neither host, hostess, nor
other guests can take any exception if the invitation is treated just as
it reads.
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORlViAL. 91
If dancing is tlic feature of the evening, the same form may be used
u'ith the word '* Dancing" added in the lower left hand corner. Or:
CI>T%Jid. J^i^/i^^i /je^Ul€)^e^j
i^-'i^/ie^
Quadrilles at ten.
If the ball is at a public place, as at Dclmonico's, in New York, the
following form is appropriate, always making use, in case of so public
an entertainment, of the host's name in connection with that of the
hostess :
'(a. II- e^tte^it^tr/', (^ecej-j^v-ei. /u^e^u^^t^,
Delmonico' s.
imaTATIONS, FORMAT- AND INFORMAL.
Another form that would be equally appropriate is as follows
German at nine. R- S- ^ • P-
If any of these occasions are intended to introduce a debutante, hei
card may be enclosed. If they are f^iven in honor of a friend, or
some celebrated individual, the following form is appropriate :
y//u. j2^€J^ly- (^^/r.rrrjifteic:::^
684 West 49th Street. ^. S. V. P.
iNvrrATioxs, formal and informal. 93
Or, if very formal, the name of the guest may be given first, as :
To meet the Chief Justice of the United States and Mrs. Fuller.
Mrs. Harold Courtright, At Home, from eight to eleven o'clock,
Thursday, February seventh. R. S. H P,
This same precedence may be given to the name of an honored
guest in a dinner or other invitation. Still another form is where the
name of the guest is written on a separate card, thus : To meet
Mrs, Summerville. Enclose this in the same envelope.
For a club party tlie following may be used : The La S.-vlle Clui;
requests the pleasure of your attendance Wednesday evening, June
eight, at nine o'clock. 555 West 51st Street, R. S. V. P.
A still more simple form for a party invitation is an "At Home"
card filled out thus : ■Mrs. Don Carlos Porter, At Home, Tuesday
evening, ^Lirch fourth. I03i Broadway. Cotillion at ten. A'. .S". V. P.
Masquerades.
Tb/^ entire invitation for a masquerade may be engraved, or it may
be written, with the exception of the word "Masquerade," which
should be engraved on the card. For example :
It )asa ucpade.
R. S. I. P. J J East Thirtieth Street.
&4 INVitAtlONS, FORMAL AXt) INFORMAL.
Musicales, Soirees and Matinees.
Invitations to a Musicale are simply written on "At Home" cards,
thus :
Music at half-past three.
Or: Mrs. P. V. VanV'echton, At Home, Tuesday afternoon, April
second, from half-past three to five o'clock. Matinie Jfiisica/i.
If the Ivlusicale is t(i be an evening affiiir, and dancing is to follow
the music, the following form of invitation may be used : Mrs.
HERbERT Hughes, At Home, Friday evening, January tenth, at eight
o'clock. 200 Winchester Avenue. Music. Dancing at ten.
Precisely the same form is to be used in giving out invitations for
a soiree, save that the word "■soiree'' is substituted for that of '' Musi-
cale" or "matinee miisieale." It may be farther added that the term
'^matinee'" applies exclusively to entertainments given in the morning,
or at any time before dinner, a distinction to which our custom of late
dinners gives a wide latitude, so that any entertainment up to eight
o'clock in the evening may receive the name of matinee, notwithstand-
ing the fact that drawn curtains and gas-lighted rooms may give all
the semblance of night-time. ** Soiree " however, is used only where
an evening party of a semi-informal character is denoted.
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. »?>
Garden Parties.
Precisely the same form of "At Home" cards can be used for these
entertainments, substitutini^ the words "'Garden Party" in the left
hand corner and sending them out some two or three days in advance.
Or, if a more formal affair is intended, use the following : Mrs. Waitf
Talcott requests the pleasure of the company of Mr. and Mrs
John Clav, on Monday, / -gust fifth, at four o'clock. Garden Party.
"The Oaks."
If it should be desirable to include the entire family in the invita-
tion, the wording would be as follows :
^ ^-rfA."
Garden Party. R, S. V. P.
Carriages will meet the j.40 train from Union Depot.
This clause to be added only when the party is to be given at sonu
distance from the station. If preferred, these directions may be
written on a separate small card and enclosed in the same envelope.
In this country we are not so accustomed to giving garden parties
as people are in England, but a garden party may easily be made ont
of the most inviting and enjoyable of any.
06
iNvrrATioxs, formal and informal.
Breakfasts, Luncheons and Suppers.
Breakfast invitations may be engraved or written upon a lady's
visiting card, thus :
7/ 7~^ . >.J^^ / y^" .C_>7 V' /' /ry,\^
(^fj >er{/iyrfl /. /, fr/j/fJr/r/ y , rr/ /(J/ <^ r/fr/f.
O
34 ( rrrAy ^^^:e
/irff.^z:^
A written invitation is usualK' in the first person, and should read
somewhat as follows :
Dear Mrs. Oracie:
I should be pleased to have the company of you and your husbarnl at
breakfast with us, Wednesday morning at ten o'clock.
Cordially yours,
Mrs. George Horton. Gertrude Horton.
The inx'itations should be sent out a week or five days in advance,
and should be r.nswered at once.
Luncheons, in this country, are very apt to possess much of the
formality of a dinner, and are written or engraved, according to the
degree of stateliness that is to mark the occasion. Ver)' formal invi-
tations are sent out ten days or two weeks in advance, and are couched
in precisely the same terms as a dinner invitation, save that the word
"Luncheon" is substituted for " Dinner." Written invitations, also,
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL. 97
follow the same plan as those written for dinners, and are not usually
issued more than a week or five days in advance. Some ladies use
their visiting card, thus : Mrs. Frank K. Wentworth. Luncheon,
Wednesday, at one o'clock.
A later hour, say two o'clock, is usually adopted for a more formal
affair. Replies should be sent at once that the hostess may be enabled
to make up her table.
Teas and "Kettledrums."
Teas and "Kettledrums," High Tea and Afternoon Receptions,
have come to bear a strong resemblance one to another, in fact to
infringe so much upon the same territory that it is very difficult at
times to distinguish between them sufficiently to apply the appropriate
n;une. A simple affair is announced thus by those ladies who have a
regular reception day : Mrs. John St. John. Thursdays, Tea at
five o'clock. 40 West 49th Street.
Or : Mrs. John St. John. Five o'clock tea. Thursday, February
fifth. 40 West 49th Street.
The words "kettledrum" or "afternoon tea" are not to be used,
and these cards may be sent by mail, enclosed in a single envelope.
They require no answer. Where the lady has not a regular reception
day and wishes to give an afternoon tea, an engraved card, like the
following, is usually sent out : Mrs. Arthur Merrhx. Miss Mer-
rill. Monday, February third, from four to seven o'clock. 274
Chestnut Street.
In case of the hostess having no one to receive with her, her name
would appear alone upon the card. The name of any friend may take
the place of a daughter's. Such an entertainment partakes more of
the nature of an afternoon reception, or higli tea. It may be adapted
also to other occasions, such as the introduction to one's friends of a
guest who is to make a prolonged stay, as tor instance : Mrs. Arthur
Merrill, At Home, Monday, December seventh, from one until
seven o'clock. To meet Mrs. Frances Elmer. 55 Vine Street.
Invitations like this and the one just above are to be enclosed in
7
dd INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
two envelopes, same as for dinners and sent out ten days or two
weeks in advanee.
Kaffee Klatsch.
This furnishes very much the same class of entertainment that is to
be found at an afternoon tea, save that coffee is the predominating
beverage. The invitation is precisely the same as for teas, simply sub-
stituting the words " Kaffee Klatsch."
Suppers.
For the evening supper, invitations are issued in some cne of th'?
forms presented for dinner parties, substituting the word " Supper."
Answers should be returned at once.
Coming-out Parties.
These special festivities may take almost any form, so that the
presentation of the blushing debutante may be at a dinner, ball, recep-
tion, evening party or afternoon tea ; which latter custom has become
very frequent of late. So much is this the case that it is somewhat tc
be reprehended as rendering afternoon teas too ceremonious in char-
acter. There is this in its favor, however ; it relieves young girls
from the strain incident upon a large party or ball. In some cases,
the invitations preserve their usual form (whatever that may be) and
the card of the debutante is enclosed in the same envelope. Even
this distinction is sometimes wanting. Again, in the case of "At
Homes " and " Teas," the name of the young lady is engraved
beneath that of her mother : if it is the eldest daughter, the form
w^ould be : Mrs. Arthur Holt. Miss Holt.
A younger daughter, under the same circumstances, would pose as :
Miss Edith May Holt.
Such cards do not need a reply, but the guest will remember to
leave cards in the hall for the debutante as wcW as her mother or
chaperon. It may be said here that, should it for any reason occur
that the young lady is " brought out " under the wing of some friend
instead of under her mother's care, the relative position their names
INVITATlOxVS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
dd
will occupy on the cards is precisely the same, as : Mrs. D. G. Havi-
LANi). Miss Holt.
A more formal presentation would be in the style of an engraved
note sheet :
v/(f //^■ ( ^///rf // ,
•a
.O
28 St. Caroline'' s Court.
R. s. r. r
This invitation, of course, implies a large evening party, reception
or ball, and should be sent out ten days or two weeks in advance of
the event.
Receptions.
Informal receptions and full-dress occasions of the same kind are
announced somewhat differently. In the first case the affair partakes
so closely of the nature of an afternoon tea that the same form of
invitation is used : Mrs. Howard Post, At Home, Tuesday, October
second, from four to seven.
If a series of receptions arc planned the form would be : Mrs.
Howard Post, At Home, Tuesdays in November, from four to six
o'clock.
100 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
Full-dress receptions arc frequently given both afternoon and
evening, sometimes in the evening only. Invitations to these should
be engraved on square cards or note sheets, and sent out two weeks
previous to the reception day. A very good form is :
rrr JhiPao' Strrrt. R. S. \'. P
If a daughter <^r a friend is to assist in receiving, tlu; invitation
should include her name also : IVIks. Jerome Hastings, Miss Hast-
ings, At Home, Thursday, November twelfth, from five until ten
o'clock. 7 1 1 DuPage Street.
When the reception is given by a gentleman, and its object is to
enable his friends to meet some distinguished guest, the following
form is used : Mr. Howard Post requests the pleasure of the com-
pany of Mr, Alonzo Metcalf to meet General E. L. Bates.
Union Lcagvic Club. lOO Cedar Street. R. S. V. P.
Though some prefer placing the name of the honored guest first,
according to the form given under dinner invitations. The answer
should be :
Mr. Alonzo Metcalf accepts with pleasure Mr. Howard Post's kind invi-
tation to meet General E. L. Bates.
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
101
Weddings.
Wedding invitations arc issued two weeks in advance, sometimes
earlier to friends at a distance, in order that they may lay their plans
accordingly. They are engraved in fine script on small sheets of
cream note, and the form most used for church weddings is as
follows :
j'/y
^2- <'^ tce^f-fiff ff , Jffjit
Still another form would give the daughter's name as " Miss Guen-
dolen Earle."
There may or may not be a monogram on the sheet of paper, but,
if used there, one to correspond must be placed on the inner envelope
also. The envelope, however, may be stamped with a monogram and
102 INVri'ATiUNS, PORMAL AND INFORMAL.
the paper left plain, this latter style bcinfj much in favor. Where the
wedding is in church, it is usually followed by an after-reception, cards
for which are engraved in some similar form to the following : Recep-
tion from one until three o'clock, 107 Washington Street. Or: At
Home after the ceremony. 107 Washington Street.
A still more ceremonious invitation to the reception may be issued
in the i)arents' name, and in the usual form of similar invitations, as :
Mr. and I\Iks. Richard I'^aklf. request the pleasure of your com-
pany at the wedding reception of their daughter, Guendolen, and
]\Ik. ]v;nERT Rav Cranston, Tuesday evening, June eighteenth, 1895,
from nine to eleven o'clock. 107 Washington Street.
If there is reason to believe that the church will be crowded with
uninvited guests, admission cards are engraved as follows : Christ
Church. Please present this card to the usher. Tuesday, June
eighteenth.
How Invitations are Sent.
Several of these cards are usually enclosed for distribution to friends
of the invited and for the use of servants that have accompanied
guests to the church. This custom is hardly necessary in country
towns. All of the cards and the invitation are enclosed in one
envelope superscribed with the name only of the person invited, and
re-inclosed in another envelope bearing the full address. All formal
invitations are to be enclosed in the two envelopes as above ; less
stately affairs requiring but one envelope ; send by mail.
In Englmd, wedding invitations are issued in the name of the
mother of the bride only ; here custom sanctions the use of the
father's name as well. If the invitation is issued in the name of some
other relative, then the word "granddaughter," "niece," etc., should
be substituted for that of " daughter." If the future home of the
young couple is decided upon, "At Home" cards also should be
enclosed for all the invited guests that the bride desires to retain upon
her visiting list. The following form is appropriate : Mr. and Mrs.
Egbert Rav' Cranston, At Home, Thursdays in September, from
four until six o'clock. 48 Washington Street.
INVrrATlUNS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
103
Or, in place of tlcsifrnatinff especial days, it may read : Mr. and
Mrs. Egmert Rav Cranston, At Home, after September first.
48 \Vashin<^ton Street.
Where the list of acquaintances is very larj^^e it sometimes happens
that a portion of the guests are invited to the church only. When
this is the case the reception card is omitted from the envelope ; but
if a visiting acquaintance is to be maintained, "At Home" cards must
be enclosed.
Wedding Invitations.
The home wedding is, perhaps, less stately in appearance, but,
involving as it does, less care on the part of friends and less nervous
strain on that of the bride, is frequently adopted. The invitations are
precisely the same as for a church wedding, merely inserting street
and number in place of designating the church, omitting, of course,
the card of admittance and that for reception. The "At Home "
card of the newly-married couple should always be enclosed lest
doubt as to their new address prove perplexing to their friends.
Sometimes, where life is to be commenced in their own home, the
wedded pair, soon after their establishment therein, send out "At
Home " cards for a few evenings after this style : Mr. and Mrs.
Egbert Rav Cranston, At Home, Tuesday evenings in September,
from eight to eleven o'clock. 48 Washington Street.
Gatherings such as these partake of the nature of semi-formal
receptions and present a delightful opportunity for welcoming friends
to the new home, and at same time arranging a visiting list for the
season, no one receiving a card to these entertainments that is not to
be honored with a place thereon. These invitations are to be sent out
after the return from the bridal tour, and, when thus used, the first-given
"At Home" card is omitted in sending out the wedding invitation.
If the wedding is to be a morning affair from the church, followed
by a breakfast, the first given invitation is issued and the following
engraved card enclosed in the same envelope : Mr. and Mrs. Richard
Earle request the pleasure of your company at breakfast, Tuesday,
June twentieth, at half past twelve o'clock. 107 Washington Street.
104 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
"At Home" cards and cards to the church should be enclosed as
before. The time should be carefully arranged so that not more than
half an hour is allowed to elapse between the ceremony at the church
and the reception or breakfast at the house.
A home wedding with a breakfast simply sends out the ordinary
wedding invitation, indicating the hour and giving the street and
number.
Sometimes, at a home wedding, it is desired that no one but rela-
tives or very particular friends should be present at the ceremony.
Under these circumstances the usual invitations are issued. Then, for
the favored few, ceremony caids are enclosed, on which the words are
engraved : Ceremony at half past eight.
"At Home " cards may be enclosed as before.
Wliere the wedding has been entirely private, the mother, or some
other relative of the bride, frequently gives a reception upon the
return home of the young couple, invitations to which are issued as
follows : Mrs. Richard Earle, Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston. At
Home, Wednesday, September first, from four to ten o'clock.
107 Washington Street.
For an evening reception the form is a little different : Mr. and Mrs.
Richard Earle request the pleasure of your company, Thursday,
September second, from nine to eleven o'clock. 107 Washington
Street. Enclosing the card of Mr. and Mrs. Egbert Ray Cranston.
Announcement Cards.
Announcement cards, where the wedding has been strictly private,
are sent out after the following style : Mr. and Mrs. Richard Earle
announce the marriage of their daughter, Guendolen, to Mr. Egbert
Rav Cranston, Tuesday, November nineteenth, 1895. 107 Wash-
ington Street.
The before-given "At Home " cards may be enclosed, or the neces-
sary information conveyed by having engraved in the lower left hand
corner of the sheet of note paper : At Home, after December first, at
48 Washington Street.
INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
lO:)
Another form of announcement is also used : Egbert Ray Cran-
ston. GuENDuLEN Karle. Married, Tuesday, November nineteentli,
1895. Binghamton. With this f(>rm use "At Home" cards, or
enfrrave the street and number in the lower left hand corner of tiie
announcement card. This form is permissible in any case, but is more
frequently employed where there are neither parents nor relatives to
send out the announcement.
If the w^cddinjjj should have taken place durinj^ a season of family
mourninLT or misfortune, the bridcLrroom himself issues the followiiv'
announcement: INIr. and IVIrs. FxiBERT Rav Cranston, 48 Washing-
ton Street.
These cards arc large and square, and in the same envelope with
them is enclosed a smaller card engraved with the maiden name of
the bride : IVIiss Guendolen Karle.
Wedding Anniversaries.
/Mj.
■/S^O.
//I. rrjin
c^/'/^;
€>JJ/f
/
dyv/ //eiiy' AfT)/ rrr/// / r- r/r-c/y.
263 East Thirteenth Street.
In sending out invitations for the various anniversaries that pleas-
antly diversify the years of a long w^edded life, the simplest form will
106 INVITATIONS, FORMAL AND INFORMAL.
always be found in the best taste. There arc varied devices for
rendering these invitations striking in effect, sucli as silvered and
gilded cards for silver and golden weddings, thin wooden cards for
the wooden wedding, etc., but good taste would indicate that none of
these, not even gold and silver lettering (though this last is least objec-
tionable of all), should be used. The large engraved "At Home"
card, or tlic small sheet of heavy note paper, also engraved, are the
most elegant.
'' No Presents Received."
The words, "No presents received," arc sometimes engraved in the
lower left hand corner of the note sheet, or card. A much-to-be-
admired custom, since the multiplicitx' of invitations requiring gifts,
is, in more cases than one, burdensome to the recipient.
Revise the Visiting List.
Now, that it has become the custom to engage the services of an
amanuensis to direct the invitations for a crush affair by the hundred,
,t would be well for every hostess to frequently revise her visiting
list, in order that the relatives of lately deceased friends may not be
pained by seeing the dear lost name included among the invitations of
the family ; also, this care is necessary to remove the names of those
who have recently departed from the city, and those whose acquaint-
ance is no longer desired.
GCEPJANCES
ElTS
fg^^/ /T^IIK essence of all ctiquc
'^^y>^:M^ JL ^J*^' observance of the
etiquette is to be found in
spirit of the Golden
Rule. Perhaps in no one point is the "do
unto others as yc would that they should do unto
you," more applicable than in the prompt acknowledgment of either
a formal or a friendly invitation. This acknowledgment may be either
denial or assent, but whatever the form, it is requisite that the prof-
fered courtesy should be answered by a prompt and decisive accept-
ance or refusal. This is a duty owed by an invited guest to his
prospective liost or hostess and one th.it should never be neglected.
Answering an Invitation.
In accepting or declining an invitation close attention should be paid
t(j the form in which it is written and the same style followed in the
answer. For in.stance : shoukl the invitation be formal, the answer
should preserve the same degree of formality ; while a friendly
invitation in note form slu^uld meet with an acceptance or regret
couched in the same terms. Another rule to be rigidly observed
is, that the acceptance or refusal must be written in the same person
that characterized the invitation. For instance : if '* Mr. antl Mrs.
Algernon Smith request the pleasure of the company of Mr. and
Mrs. Joseph lironson at dinner, etc.," with e([ual stateliness " Mr. and
Mrs. Joseph Bronson accept with pleasure the kind invitation of Mr.
and Mrs. Algernon .Smith." To do otherwise would imply ignorance
of the very rudiments of social or grammatical rules.
107
108 ACCF.PTANCKS AM) RI<:GRETS.
A friendly note of invitation, bcginninf^ somewhat after this fasliion:
" Mr. Smith and I would be pleased to have you and Mr, Brown,
etc.," would be accepted or declined in tlie same fishion and person,
as : *' Mr. Brown and I accept with pleasure your kind invitation,
etc." To answer such an invitation with a formal acceptance, or
regret, written in the third person, as given above, woukl display
profound ignorance of social customs.
An acceptance or regret, written in the first person, receives the
sifmature of the writer, but one written in the third person remains
unsigned. To sign it would produce a confusion of persons and be
unorammatical to the last degree. Another error to be avoided is
that of beginning in this fashion : "I accept with pleasure the kind
invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Jolm Jones," this also producing a change
of person altogether inadmissible. Neither must one be betrayed
into the mistake of using the words, " will accept," thus throwing the
acceptance into the future tense, when, in reality, you c/o accept, in
the present tense, at the moment of writing.
Accepting a Dinner Invitation.
Incumbent upon us as it is to answer tlie majority of our invitations
in cither the affirmative or negative, there are degrees of necessit5
even here, for, sin as we may in all other particulars, there is an
unwritten code like unto the laws of the IVIedes and Persians which
declareth that the -invitations to a dinner are not to be lightly set
aside. First, an invitation to a dinner is the highest social compliment
that a host and hostess can pay to those invited, and, second, the
guests are limited in number and painstakingly arranged in congenial
couples by the careful hostess. Judge, then, of her disappointment,
when, at the last moment, some delinquent sends in a hasty regret
leaving little or no time to fill that terror of all dinner-givers, that
skeleton at the feast, an empty chair. One such failure is sufficient to
ruin the most carefully-arranged table and is an injury to host and
hostess that only the occurrence of some unforeseen calamity can
justify.
ANSWERINC AX INVITATION.
109
110 ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS.
In answcrlnf^ an invitation it is well to repeat the date, as : " Your
kind invitation for Tuesday, May fifth." This will give an oppor-
tunity, if any mistakes have been made in dates, to rectify them at
once. This caution it would be well to observe in answerin<j any
invitation.
Answer decisively as well as promptly. Do not, if there is a doubt
as to your being able to attend, selfishly keep the lists open in your
favor by suggesting that "You hope to have the pleasure," etc., or, if
married, that "one of us will come." This is an injustice to those
inviting you, who, to make a success of their entertainment, must
know at once the number to be depended upon. Say "yes" or "no"
promptly and abide by your decision. To do this will, in case of
refusal, give time to fill )-our place at table.
Accepting a Dinner Invitation.
In accepting a dinner invitation the following form is very suitable
This, of course, pre-supposes that the invitation has also been writter
in the third person. (See Invitations.)
Mr. and !Mrs. Harvey Pratt accept with pleasure the kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December fifteenth, at
eight o'clock. 24 Abercrombie Street. Wednesday.
A gentleman might respond thus :
Mr. Fremont Miller has much j^leasure in accepting the very kind invi-
tation of Mr. and Mrs. Paul Potter for dinner on Tuesday, December
fifteenth, at eight o'clock. Union League Club. Wednesday.
To answer a formal invitation carelessly and familiarly is to show a
degree of disrespect to the sender, but, if the invitation be in note
form, first person, answer in same fashion, it being usually safe to
follow the style of invitation in either accepting or refusing the
proffered pleasure.
Never " present one's compliments" in response to an invitation. It
is entirely out of date; neither should one say "the polite invitation
of Mr. John Jones." All ii vitations are presupposed to be "polite."
ACCEFrANCES AxND REG RE IS. Ill
"Your kind" or "very kind invitation" is a gracefully-turned and
.uiiply sufficient phrase for all occasions.
Declining a Dinner Invitation.
An unexplained regret is (jften (as before mentioned) wounding to
die feelings of a sensitive person, leaving at times the impression that
one did not care to come. This can always be avoided by particular-
izing the cause of refusal. A plea of expected absence, a previous
engagement to dine elsewhere, a recent bereavement, or sudden illness
in the family, are each of them good and sufficient reasons for non-
acceptance and should alwax's be mentioned. Thus, in reply to a
formal dinner invitation, a " regret" might be sent iv the following
terms:
Mr. and Mrs. Harvey Patten sincerely regret that, owing to the sudden
illness of their daughter I'^leanor they will be dcjjrived of the pleasure of
accepting the very kind invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Taul I'otter for dinner
on Tuesday, December fifteenth. > 24 Abercrombic street. AVednesday.
This form of refusal will be found suitable for all formal occasions,
varying the name of the entertainnjent and the cause for non-accept-
ance to suit the circumstances.
Persons in Mourning.
Invitations to those in mourning should be sent as a matter of
course, except during the first few w'eeks of deep bereavement, when
their sorrows are not to be intruded upon by the gayeties of the outer
world. After this first season of sorrow, invitations, which neither
custom nor their own feelings permit tlu;m to accept, should be sent,
that they may know that they are not forgotten in their solitude.
To these there is always given the privilege of declining all invita-
tions without any specifietl cause therefor, their black-bordered sta-
tionery showing all too plainly the sad reason that prompted their
refusal. They should then send their cards (black-bordered) by mail
enclosed in two envelopes. These will take the place of a personal
call and should be the same in number. It may bo mentioned here
WILL VOL' i:ntektal\ the company?'
112
A.CCEPTANCKS AND REGRETS. 11 Ji
that while people in deep mournini; are not usually invited to dinners
or luneheons, it is customary for them to receive invitations to all
\veddin<;s and other social ^atherin^^s, and thf»ui^h they may not
accept, still it is gratif>in<; for them to know that they are remem-
bered in their seclusion.
Addressing the Answer.
The answer to an invitation should always be addressed to the
person in whose name it is sent. If "Mr. and Mrs. Richard Roe
request the pleasure," etc., address the answer to " Mr. and Mrs.
Richard R(^e." If "Mrs. Richard Roe is At I lome" on a certain
date, address the reply to her alone. In case of wedding invitations,
address all answers to the parents of the bride, in whose name they
are sent out, never to the bride, althouj^h she may be your only
personal acquaintance in the fmiih', the ci\ilit\' beini^ due to the
issuers of the invitation. This is customary in the case of all
invitations.
Wedding Invitations.
Wedding invitations are usually thought to require no answer unless
it be to a sit-down wedding breakfast. In this case the same exact-
n ss in reply and the same form is demanded as for a dinner invitation.
If the invitation is extended to friends at a distance and pre-supposes
un intention to entertain the recipients for any length of time, the obli-
gation for speedy reply is equally necessary.
If the invitation is given by an informal note, as is the case with
some very quiet weddings, an answer must always be returneil and in
the same note form. This attention is demanded by courtesy.
To a large crush wedding a regret, accompruiied or not by a gift,
may be sent if desired ; an acceptance is not necessary. W' here the
invitations are to the church only, they are amply answeretl by sending
or leaving cards at the house. To receive a card stating that the
wedded pair will be "At Home" on certain dates, means that they
desire to continue their acquaintance with the parties thus invited, who
should either call in person or send cards promptly.
114 ACCEPTANCES ANT) RECRETS.
Wedding Anniversaries.
Anniversary invitations require an answer, thus givinj^ a very
pleasant oj)portunity for eonj^^ratuiatin^ the liappy couple. The fol-
lowing forms are suitable :
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Cummings accept with pleasure the kind invitation
of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth, and
j)resent their warmest congratulations on their Silver Wedding Anniversary.
45 ( "hurch Street. Thursday.
l''or a refusal :
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Cummings sincerely regret that, owing to an unex-
]x?cted absence from town, they are unable to accept the very kind invita-
tion of Mr. and Mrs. Kennet Wade for Thursday evening, October tenth,
but beg to present to them their warmest congratulations on this occasion of
their Silver Wedding Anniversary. 24 Church Street. Wednesday.
The same formuhe in answering will apply to any of the anniver-
sary festivities.
Theater and Opera Parties.
These parties are frequently made up on rather short notice and
the invitations are then sent to the house by .special messenger who
awaits the reply,' which must be written at once, that the lady or
gentleman giving the entertainment may be sure of a certain number
to fill the box or stalls, engaged for the ev^ening. Occasionally, when
the party is given by a gentleman, he takes a carriage and gives ou'"
ihe invitations in person when a v^erbal answer is returned.
Luncheons and Suppers.
Invitations for these are written in the same form as for a dinner,
merely substituting the word " luncheon" or " suj)per " for "dinner,"
and should be accepted or refused in precisely the same style.
Answers also should be sent with the same promptness that the
hostess may be certain of arranging her table satisfactorily.
ACCEP TA NC KS A N I ) R KG RETS.
lU
Other Invitations.
Other invitations, aside from tiiose already specified in tiiis depart
nient, scarcely demand an answer, except they bear the words: " Th^
favor of an answer is requested," or the initials, " R. S. \', P." Simpl-
"at home" affairs never need an answer, thou^di cards must always
be sent, or left in person, immediatel)' afterward. Garden j)artie^,
where thev are held at anv distance from the citv and carriaijes ar '.
to be stilt to conw)' the <^iiests thither, alwa}'s retjuire an answiv ;
this, however, is usually indicated upon the card.
Refusing After Acceptance.
Should it unfortunately occur, after accepting an invitation, that, by
one of the sorrowful liappeninj^s so often marring our best laid plana,
we are prevented from fulfilling our i)romise, let the regret sent he
prompt, that your hostess, especially if the entertainment be a dinner
or luncheon may jjossibly, even at the eleventh hour, be able to supply
the vacancy. Make it explanatory as well, that she may feel posit* ^e
that no mere whim has caused the disarranLjement of her plans.
What Not to Do.
Never write the word "accepts," "regrets" or "declines" u^-jon
your visiting card and send in lieu of a written note. To do so is not
only an insult to your hostess but a mark as well of your own ill-
breeding. An invitation, which is always an honor and implies the
best that your host is able to offer, should always receive the courtesy
of a civil reply.
CO
COURTSHIP,"
accordiiiL;' to
StclIU', "(.Otl-
sists in a nunihtr of
([iiict attentions, not so
pointed as to alarm, nor
so vague as not to be
understoc ,1."
In this little quotation liis the sj)iriL and the letter of ..U etiquette
regarding; courtship. The passion of love generally appearing to
everyone save the man who feels it. so entirely disproportionate to
the value of the object, so im[)ossiblii to be entered into by an\' out-
side individual, that any strong expressions of it appear riiliculous to a
third person. For this reason it is th.it all extravagance of feeling
should be carefully repressed as an offense against good breeding.
Man was made for woman, and woman equally for man. How
shall they treat each other? How shall they come to understand
their mutual relations and duties? It is lofty work to write upon this
subject what ought to be written. Mistakes, fatal blunders, liearts
and lives wrecked, homes turned into bear-gardens, tears, miseries,
blasted hopes, awful tragedies — can you name the one most prolific
cause of all these ?
If our young people were taught what they ought to know — if it
were told them from infancy up — if it were drilled into them and they
were made to understand what now is all a mystery to them — a dark,
vague, unriddled mystery — hearts would be happier, homes would be
brighter, lives would be worth living and the world would be better.
116
"Good Night! Good Night! Parting is such sweet sorrow.
That I shall j^^ -v good night till it be morrow."
A POLITE ESCORT.
ETIQUETTE OF COURrSIllI» AXI) MARRIAGE. 117
Tin's is now the matter — matter j^ravc and serious enoujjjh — whieh
we have in hand. There arc <^cni.s of wisdom founded on health,
morality, happiness, whieh should be put within reaeh of every house
hold in our whole broad land. It is a most important, yet neglected
subject. People are squeamish, cursed with mock modesty, ashamed
to speak with their lips what their Creator spoke through their own
minds and bodies when he formed them. It is time such nonsense —
iKjnsense shall we say ? — rather say it is time such fatal folly were
withered and cursed by the sober common sense and moral duty of
universal society.
Courtship! Its theme, how delightful! Its memories and associa-
tions, how charming! Its luxuries the most luxurious proffered to
mortals! Its results how far reaching, and m.omentous! No mere
lover's fleeting bauble, but life's very greatest work' None are
equally portentous, for good and evil.
Errors of Love-Making.
God's provisions for man's happiness are boundless and endless.
1 low great are the pleasures of sight, motion, breathing ! How much
greater those of mind ! Yet a right love surpasses them all ; and ean
render us all happier than our utmost imaginations can depict ; and
a wrong more miserable.
Right love-making is more important than right selection ; because
it affects conjugal life for the most. Men and women need knowledge
concerning it more than touching anything else. Their fatal errors
show their almost universal ignorance concerning it. That most
married discords originate in wrong love-making instead of selection,
is proved by love usually decl'-^ing ; while adaptation remains the
same.
Right courtship will harmonize natural discordants, much more
concordants, still more those already in love ; which only some serious
causes can rupture. The whole po'ver of this love element is enlisted
in its perpetuity, as are all the self-interests of both. As nature's
health provisions are so perfect that only its great and long-continued
]1.S ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
oiitrafTc can break it ; so licr conjugal are so numerous and perfect
that but for outrageous violation of lier love laws all who once begin
can and will grow more and more affectionate and happy every day.
Any man who can begin to elicit any woman's love, can perfectly
inf ituate her more and UK^-e, solely by courting her right ; and all
women who once start a man's love — no very difficult achievement —
can get out of him, and do with hitn, anything possible she pleases.
The charming and fiscinating power of serpents over birds is as
nothing comparetl with that a woman can wield over a man, and he
over her. Ladies, recall your love hey-day. You had your lover
perfectly spell-bound. He literally knew not what he did or would
do. With what alacrity he sprang to indulge your every wish, at
whatever cost, and do exactly as you desired ! If you had only
courted him just right, he would have continued to grow still more
so till now. This is e([ually true of a man's power over every
w)man who once begins to lovx' him. What would you give to again
wield that same bewitching wand ?
How to Carry on Courtship.
Intuition, our own selfhood, is nature's highest teacher, and infallible;
and tells all, by her "still, small voice within," whether and just
wherein they are makmg love right or wrong, lu^ery false step fore-
warns all atjainst itself ; and great is thei*- fdl who stumble. Court-
ship has its own inherent consciousness, which must be kept inviolate.
Then throw yourself, (3 courting youth, upon your own interior
sense of propriety and right, as to both the beginning and conducting
of courtship, after learning all you can from these pages, and have no
fears as to results, but quietly bide them, in the most perfect assur'
ance of their happ\' ex'entuality !
" What can I do or omit to advance my suit ? prevent dismissal ?
make m\' very best impression ? guarantee acceptance ? touch my
idol's heart ? court just right ?" This is what all true courters say.
Cultivate and manifest whatever qualities you would awaken. You
inspire in the one you court the precise feeling and traits you yourself
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 119
experience. This law effects this result. Every faculty in either
awakens itself in the other. This is just as sure as gravity itself
Hence your success must come from untJii)i, depenils upon yourself,
not the one courted.
Study the specialties, likes and dislikes in particular, of the one
courted, and humor and ailapt yourself to them.
Be extra careful not to prejudice him t)r her against you by awak-
ening any faculty in reverse. Thus whatever rouses the other's resist-
ance against you, antagonizes all the other f iculties, and proportionally
turns love for you into hatred. Whatever wounds ambition reverses
all the other feelings, to your injury ; what delights it, turns them in
your favor. All the faculties create, and their action constitutes
human nature ; which lovers will do right well to study. To give "^n
illustration :
A Case to the Point.
An elderly man with points in his favor, having selected a woman
eighteen years younger, but most intelligent and feminine, had two
young rivals, each having more points in their favor, and came to his
final test. She thought much of having plenty of money. They saw
they could " cut him out" by showing her that he was poor ; she till
then thinking his means ample. All four met around her table, and
proved his poverty. His rivals retired, sure that they had made " his
cake dough," leaving him with her. It was his turning-point. He
addressed himself right to her a^ccfions, saying little about money
matters, but protesting an amount of devotion for her to which she
knew they were strangers ; and left his suit right on this one point ;
adding :
" You know I can make money ; know how intensely I esteem,
admire, idolize, and love you. Will not my admitted greater affec-
tion, with my earnings, do more for \-ou than they with more money,
but less love?"
Her clear head saw the point. Her heart melted into his. She
said •' yes." He triumphed by this affectional spirit alone over their
much greater availability.
120 ETIQUKITE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
M;inirc.stin<^ the domestic affoctions and virtues, a warm, j^aishing
friendly nature, fondness for cliildren and home, insj)ires a man's love
most of all, while evincin<^ talents by a man peculiarly enamors
woman.
Relations, you shall not interfere, where even parents may not.
Make your own matches, and let others make theirs ; especially if
you have bunt^led your own. One siicJi bunj^le is one too many.
The parties are betrothed. Their marriage is "fore-ordained" by
themselves, its only rii^htful umpires, which all right-minded outsiders
will try to promote, not prevent. I low despicable to separate hus-
bands and wives ! Yet is not parting those married by a \o\Q-spirit,
equally so? Its mere legal form can but increase its validity, not
create it. IVIarriage is a divine institution, and consists in their own
personal betrothal. Hence breaking up a true love-union before its
legal consummation, is just as bad as parting loving husband and
wife ; which is monstrous. All lo\crs who allow it are its wicked
partakers.
Choice of Associates.
The first point to be considered on this subject is a careful choice
of associates, which will often, in the end, save future unhappincss and
discomfort, since, as Goldsmith so truthfully puts it, " Love is often
an involuntary passion placed upon our companions without our con-
sent, and frequently conferred without even our previous esteem."
This last most unhappy state of affairs may, to a great extent, be
avoided by this careful choosing of companions. Especially is this
true on the part of the lady, since, from the nature and constitution of
society, an unsuitable acquaintance, friendship, or alliance, is more
embarrassing and more painful for the woman than the man. As in
single life an undesirable acquaintance is more derogatory to a woman
than to a man, so in married life, the woman it is who ventures most,
"for," as Jeremy Taylor writes, "she hath no sanctuary in which to
retire from an evil husband ; she may complain to God as do the
subjects of tyrants and princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in
the causes of unkindness."
ETIQUKTTI': OF COURTSHIP AND ^rARR[AGE. 121
First Steps.
To .1 ma'i who has become fascinated with some womanly ideal, we
would say, if the acquaintancesliip be very recent, and he, as yet, a
stran<;er to her relatives, that he shoidd first consider in detail his
position and prospects in life, antl jutiL;e whether or not they arc such
as would justify him in striving to win the lady's ;iffections, and later
■on her hand in marriage. Assured upon this point, and let no young
man think that a fortune is necessary for the wooing of any woman
worth the winning, let him then gain the needful introductions
through some muturd friend to her parents or guardians.
If, on the other hand, it is a long acquaintance that has ripened
into admiration, this latter formality will be unnecessary.
As to the lady, her position is negative to a great extent. Yet it is
to be presumed that her preferences, though unexpressed, are decided,
and, if the attentions of a gentleman are agreeable, her manners will
be apt to indicate, in some degree, the state of her mind.
Prudence, however, does, or should, warn her not to accept toa
marked attentions from a man of whose past life she knows nothing,
and of whose present circumstances she is equally ignorant.
Character.
There is one paramount consideration too often overlooked and too
late bewailed in many a ruined home, and that is the character of the
man who seeks to win a woman's hand. Parents and guardians can-
not be too careful in this regard, and youn.g women themselves should,
by refusing such associates, avoid all danger of contracting such ties.
Wealth, nor family rank, nor genius, availeth aught if the character of
the man be flawed.
Let parents teach their daughters and let girls understand for them-
selves that happiness, or pci^ce, in married life is impossible where a
man is, in any wise, dissipated, or liable to be overcome by any of the
fashionable vices of the day. Better go down to your grave a " for-
lorn spinster" than marry such a man.
122 E'riQUETTE OF COLRISHIP AND xMARRIAGE.
Disposition.
As to temper or tlisposition, tlie man or woman can easily gain
some insiglit into the respective peculiarities of another's temperament
by a little quiet observation. If the gentleman be courteous and care-
ful in his attentions to his mother and sisters, and behave with ease
and consitleration t(nvard all women, irrc:spective of age, rank, or
present condition, she may feel that her first estimate was a correct
one. On the other hand, should he show disresiiect toward women
as a class, sneer at Sticred things, evince an inclination for expensive
pleasures in advance of his means, or for low amusements or compan-
ionship ; be cruel to the horse he drives, or diplay an absence of all
energy in his business pursuits, then is it time to gently, but firml\',
repel all nearer advances on his jiart.
As to the crentlemaii, it will be well for him also to watch carefuUv
as to the disposition of th.e lad\' ;ind In r ct)ntluct in lur own fimilv.
]f she be attentive and respectful to her parents, kind and affectionate
toward her brothers ,ca(\. sisters, not easib' ruffled in temper and with
inclination to enjoy the pleasures of home ; cheerful, hopeful and
charitable in dispositioii, then may he feel, indeed, that he has a prize
before him well wortli the winning.
If, however, she shoultl display a strong inclination towards affecta-
tion and flirtation ; be extremely showy or else careless in her attire,
frivolous in her tastes and eager for admiration, he may rightly con-
clude that very little home happiness is to be expected from her com-
panionship.
Trifling.
A true gentleman will never confine his attentiotis exclusively to
one lady unless he has an intention of marriage. To do so exposes
her to all manner of cotije<:ture, lays an embargo on the formation of
other acquaintances, may very seriously compromise her liappiness,
and by after withdrawal frequently causes her the severest mortifica-
tion. Hence a gentleman with no thought of marriage is in bono"
bound to make his attentions to ladies as general as possible.
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 123
Still more reprehensible is the conduct of the r in who insinuates
himself into the affections of a youn^ Ljirl by every protestation and
avowal possible, save that which woukl be binding upon himself, and
then withdraws his attentions with the boastful consciousness that he
has not committed himself
Again, the young lady who willfully, knowingly, deliberately,
draws on a man to place hand and heart at her disposal simply for
the pleasure of refusing him ami thus atkling one more name to her
list of rejected proposals, is utterl}' unworthy the name of woman.
Etiquette of Making and Receiving Gifts.
On the question of giits there is a point of etiquette to be observed.
Gentlemen, as a rule, do not offer ladies presents, save of fruits,
flowers, or confections ; which gifts, notwithstanding that a small
fortune may be lavished upon their purchase, art- supposed, in all
probability from their perishable character, to leave no obligation rcst-
\i^g upon the lad}'.
Should the conversation, however, turn upon some new book or
musical composition, which the lady has not seen, the gentleman may,
with perfect propriety, say, " I wish that you could see such or such
a work ami, if you will permit, I should be pleased to send you a
copy." It is then optional with the lady to accept or refuse.
Should a gentleman persist in offering other gifts there must be no
secrecy about it. She should take early opportunity of saying, in the
presence of her fither and mother, " I am very much obliged to you
for that ring, pin (or other gift) which you were so kind as to offer me
the other day, and I shall be happy to accept it if Papa or Man una
docs not object." If the lady is positive in her objections to receiving
gifts, it is easy to say, " I thank you for the kindness but I never take
expensive presents ;" or, " Mamma never permits me to accept expen-
sive presents." These refusals are always to be taken by the gen-
tleman in good part. Where a present has been unadvisedly accepted,
it is perfectly proj)er for the mother to return it with thanks, saying,
" I think my daughter rather young to accept such expensive gifts."
124 i:i'i(^rj;i ii: oi" cor risiiii' and marriaci:.
After an cn;^,ii,a-iiKnt is foniially niadu the eliijucttc of i^ifts is soinc'
what alterccl, thoui^h even then expensive ])itsents, unless it Ije the
engagement rini;, are nut in the best taste. These .should be reserved
for the marriage gifts.
Proposals of Marriage.
The proposal itself is a subject so closely personal in its nature th.at
cacli man must bt" a law unto liimself in the matter, and time and
opportunit}- will be liis onl}' guides to success, unless, m;i}'hap, his
lady-love be the brawr of the two and help him gently over the
hardest part, for there be men and men; some wlio brook not "no"
for an answer, antl some that a moment's hesitation on the part of the
one souglit would seal their lips forever.
A woman must alw.iys remember that a propcisal of marriage is
the highest honor that a man can pay her, and, if she must nfuse it,
t() do so in such fishion as to .spare liis feelings as much as possible.
If .slie be a true and \vell-l)red woman, both proposal and refusal will
be kept a profound .secret from e\er\' one save her parents. It is the
least balm she can offer to the wounded pride of the man who has
chosen her from out all women to bear his name and to reign \n his
home. A wise woman can almost always prevent matters from
coming to the point of a declaration, and, by her actions and her
promjit acceptance of the attentions of others, shoidd strive to show
the true state of her feelings.
A gentleman .should usually take "no" for an answer unless he bo
of so persevering a disposition as to be determined to take the fort by
siege; or unless the "no" was so undecided in its tone as to <^ivc
some hope of finding true the poets words :
"He gave them hut one tongue to say us, 'Nay,*
And two fond eyes to grant."
On the gentleman's part, a decided refusal should be received as
calmly as possible, and his resolve sliould be in no way to annoy the
cause of all his pain. If mere indifference be or seem to be the origin
'if the refusal, he may, after a suitable length of time, press his suit
w
c
>
H
W
o
H
<
o
'Xi
DECLINED WITH REGRETS.
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 125
once more ; but if an avowed or evident preference for another be the
reason, it beeomes imperative tliat he sliould at once witlidraw from
the field. Any reason that tlie lady may, in her compassion, see fit
to give him as cause for her refusal, should ever remain his inviolable
Secret.
As whatever grows has its natural period for maturing, so has love.
At engagement you have merely selected, so that your familiarity
slunild be unl)' intellectual, not affcctional. You are yet more
ac([uaintances than companions. v\s sun changes from midnight
d.u'kness into noonda\' brilliancy, and heats, lights up, and warms
;^r(i(/na/Iv, and as sunnner "lingers in the lap of spring;" so marriage
sliould dall\' in the laj) of courtship. Nature's adolescence of love
should never be cnnvded into a premature marriage. The more
personal, the more impatient it is ; )-et to establish its Platonic aspect
takes more time than is usual 1\' given it ; so that undue haste puts it
upon the carnal plane, which :;oon cloys, then disgusts.
Unbecoming Haste.
Coyness and modesty always accompany female love, which invol-
untarily shrink from close masculine contact until its mental phase is
sufficiently developed to overrule the antagonistic intimacies of mar-
riage.
Besides, why curtail the luxuries of courtship? Should haste to
enjoy the lusciousness of summer engulf the delights of spring? The
pleasures of courtship are unsurpassed throughout life, and quite too
:^reat to be curtailed by hurrying marriage. And enhancing or
diminishinLT them redoubles or curtails those of marriage a hundred-
fold more. A happy courtship promotes conjugal felicity more than
anything else whatever. A lady, asked why she didn't marrj', since
she had so many making love to her, replied: "Because being courted
is too great a luxur\' to be spoilt by marr>'ing."
No man should wait to make his pile. Two must acquire a compe-
tence conjointly, m order fully to really enjoy it together. This alone
can give full zest to whatever pleasures it produces.
[2i •riJQUKT'rR OI' COURTSHIP AND ^^ARRIAGE.
A formal proffer of marriaf^c naturally follows a man's selection and
decision as to whom he will mairy. Consent to canvass their nuitu;i'
a(lai)tations implies consent to marr), if all is found satisfactory; \et
a final test and consunnnation now become neccssai}', both to brin^"
this whole matter to a focus, and allow both to state, and obviate or
waive, those objections which must needs exist on both sides; includ-
ing any improvements possible in either.
How to Deal with Objections.
The best time to state and \sai\e or remove all objections, seeming
and real, not ahead)- adjusted, i ■.: his proposal, and her acceptance.
A verbal will do, but a written is much better, by facilitating future
reference. A long future awaits their marriage ; h.ence committing this
its initial point to writing, s(^ that both can look back to it, is most
desirable. And he can propose, and she accept, much better when
alone, and they have all their faculties under full control, than ver-
bally, perhaps, when exci^^etl. Those same i)rimal reasons for reducing
all other contracts to writing obtain doubl)' in reference to marriage
You who fear awkwardness on paper, remember that true lumian
nature always ai)pears well, even when poorly dressed. A diamond
is no less brilliant because set in clay. Mode is nothing, reality ever}'-
thing. All needed to appear well is to /iW right, and express natu-
rally what is felt. Saying plainly what }'ou have to say, is all required.
The acceptance or rejection should also be unequivocal, or any
contingencies stated, and waived :f minor, but if they can neither be
obvialcd nor compromised, should terminate their relations, that both
ma)' look elsewhere. If any bones of contention exist, now is tb.e
time to inter them finally, and to take the initiatory steps for perfecting
both in each other's eyes. Ik-ar in mind that as yet your relations
are still those of business merely, because neither has acquired or con-
ceded any right to love or be lov^ed. Without pretending to gi\'e
model letters of proposal, acceptance, or rejection, because varying
circumstances will vary each ^d infinitum, the following may serve as
samples from which to work :
ETiQuirm: of corkrsiiii' wn m.\rriac:e. 127
*' Mich MsiKKMri) Fkik.vi*: As \vl- liavo agreed to canvass our mutual
adaptations for marriage, and ni)' own mind is fully made uj), a final det ision
now bet omes necessary.
"What 1 have learned of and from you (onfirms that high opinion of you
which prompted my selection of you, and inspires a desire to consummate it.
Vour i)leasing manner and mode of saying and doing things ; your intelli-
gence, taste, i^rudence, kindness, and many other excellencies, inspire my
highest admiration.
"Will you let me love wliat 1 so mu( h admire?
•'But my affections are sacred. 1 can bestow them only on one who
reciprocales them ; will bestow them ti[)on }()u, if you will bestow yours on
me ; not otherwise ; for only imttiial love < an render either hai)py. 1 i an
and will love you alone, with all my heart, provided you can and will love
only me, with all of yours. Do you accord me this privilege, on this con-
dition, for life, forever? 1 (rave to make you my wife; to live with and
for you, and proffer you my whole being, with honest, assiduous toil, fidelity
to business, what talents I possess, and all I can do to contribute to your
creature comforts. Do you accord me this ])rivilege, on this condition?
May I enshrine you as ([ueen of my life?
"Say wherein you find me faulty, or ca})able of improvement in your
eyes, and I will do my utmost, consistently with my conscience, to rendei
myself worthy and acceptable to you.
"I wi«>'-. some things were different in you — that }0u had better health,
arose earlier, were less impulsive, knew more about keeping house, etc. ; yet
these minor matters sink into insignificantx' in comparison with your many ex-
cellences, and especially that whole-souled affection cbviou.sly inherent in you.
" Deliberate fully, for this is a life affair, and if, in order to decide
iudiciou.sly, you require to know more of me, ask me, or and -.
riease reply as soon as you can well decide.
" Decline unless you accept cordially, and can love me truly and wholly;
but if you can and will reciprocate my proffered affection, say yes, and
indicate your own time and mode of our marriage. Meanwhile, with the
highest regards, I am, and hope ever to remain, Yours truly,
A. B."
A true woman could give a better answer than the following, which
does not claim to be a model. It is hardly time yet for a gushing
128 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
love-letter, or we would not profane this sacred subject by making the
attempt ; yet should like to receive one in spirit somewhat as follows :
** Dear Sir : Your proffer of your hand and heart in marriage has been
duly received, and its important contents fully considered.
**I accept your offer: and on its only condition, that I reciprocate you/
love, which I do completely; and hereby both offer my own hand and
heart in return, and consecrate my entire being, soul and body, all I am and
can become, to you alone; both according you the 'privilege' you crave of
loving me, and 'craving' a like one in retvirn.
"'I'hank Heaven that this matter is settled ; that you are in very deed
mine, while I am yours, to love and be loved by, live and be lived with and
for; and that my gushing affeetions have a final resting-place on one every
way so worthy of the fullest reciprocal symjjathy and trust.
** The preliminaries of our marriage we will arrange whenever we meet,
which I hope may be soon. But whether sooner or later, or you are present
or absent, I now consider myself as wholly yours, and you all mine ; and
both give and take the fullest privilege of cherishing and expressing for you
that whole-souled love I find even now gushing up and calling for expres-
sion. Fondly hoping to hear from and see you soon and often, I remain
wholly yours forever, CD."
Sealing the Vow.
The vow and its tangible witnesses come next. All agreements
require to be attested ; and this as much more than others as it is the
most obligatory. Both need its luiequi vocal and mutual mementos,
to be cherished for all time to come as its perpetual witnesses. This
vow of each to the other can neither be made too strong, nor held too
sacred. If calling God to witness will strengthen your mutual adjura-
tion, swear by Him and His throne, or by whatever else will render it
inviolable, and commit it to waiting, each transcribing a copy for tlie
other as your most sacred relics, to be enshrined in your " holy ot
holies."
Two witnesses are required, one for each. A ring for her and
locket for him, containing the likencs.*- of both, as always showing
how they now look, or any keepsake both may select, more or less
Valuable, to be handed down to their posteriL)', will answer.
ETIQUETTE OE COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 12P
Your mode of conducting your future affairs should now be arranged.
Though impHed in selection, yet it must be specified in detail. Both
should arrange your marriage relations ; say what each desires to do,
and have done ; and draw out a definite outline plan of the variaus
positions you desire to maintain towards each other. Your future
home must be discussed : whether you will board, or live in your own
Jiouse, rented, or owned, or built, and after what pattern ; or with
either or which of your parents. And it is vastly important that wives
determine most as to their domiciles ; their internal arrangements,
rooms, furniture, management; respecting which the)- are consulted
quite too little, )'et cannot well be too much.
Famih' rules, as well as national, state, corporate, financial, must be
established. They are most needed, yet least practiced in marriage.
Without them, all must be chaotic. Ignoring them is a great but
common marital error. The Friends wisely make family method
cardinal.
A Full Understanding.
V^our general treatment of each other now especially requires to be
mutually agreed upon. Each should sa)', " I should like to treat and
be treated by you thus, but not so ; and let you do this but not that ; "
and both mutually agree on a thousand like minor points, better
definitely arranged at first than left for future contention ; each making
requisitions, conceding privileges, and stipulating for any fancies,
idols, or " reserved rights."
Differences must needs arise, which cannot be adjusted too soon.
Those constitutionally inherent in each should be adjusted in love's
early stages ; it matters less how, than whether to your mutual satis-
faction. Or if this is impossible, "agree to disagree;" but settle on
something.
A concessionary' spirit is indispensable, and inheres in love. Neither
skould insist, but both concede, in all things ; each making, not
demanding .sacrifices. The one who loves most will yield to oblige
most. What course wiil make both happiest should overrule all your
mutual relations.
9
130 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
Write down and file all. Your present decisions, subject to mutual
changes and amendments, will become more and more important for
future reference, as time rolls on, by enabling each to correct both ;
for our own changes make us think others hav^e changed. A
mutual diary is desirable ; for incidents now seemingly trivial,
may yet become important.
Important Trifles.
See or correspond with each other often. Love will not bear
neglect. Nothing kills it equally. In this it is most exacting. It
will not, should not, be second in anything. "First or nothing," is
its motto. Meet as often as possible. After its fires have once been
lit, they must be perpetually resupplied with their natural fuel ; else
they die down, go out, or go elsewhere; and arc harder to rekindle
than to light at first.
A splendid young man, son of one of New England's most talented
and pious divines, endowed with one of the very best of organisms,
'-"hysical and phrenological, having selected his mate, and plighted
..neir mutual vows, being the business manager of a large manufactory,
and obliged to defend several consecutive lawsuits for patent-right
infringen»ents, neglected for weeks to write to his betrothed, presup-
posing, of course, that all was right. This offended her ladyship, and
allowed evil-minded meddlers to sov/ seeds of alienation in her mind ;
persuade her to send him his dismissal, and accept a marriag? proposal
from another.
As he told his mournful story, he seemed like a sturdy oak riven
by lightning and torn by whirlwinds ; its foliage scorched, bark
stripped, limbs tattered, even its very rootlets scathed ; yet standing, a
stern, proud, defiant, resolute wreck. A gushing tear he manfully
tried but failed to suppress. His lips quivered and voice faltered.
Perceiving his impending fate, he seemed to dread his future more
than present ; and hesitated between self-abandonment, and a merelj
mechanical, objectless, business life. In attempting his salvation, by
proffering advice to the "broken-hearted," he respectfully but firralj
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 131
declined ; deliberately preferring old-bachelorship, with all its dearths,
of which he seemed fully conscious. He felt as if he had been deeply
wronged.
Yet was not he the _^r^/ practically to repudiate? He suffered ter-
ribly, because he had sinned grievously, not by commission, but omis-
sion. He felt the deepest, fullest, manliest love, and revelled in anti-
cipations of their future union, but did not express it ; which was to
her as if he had not felt it ; whereas, had he saved but one minute
per week to write lovingly, " I long to be with you, and love you
still," or, " Business does not, cannot diminish my fondness," he
would have saved her broken vows, and his broken heart.
Mingling other enjoyments with love, by going together to picnics
and parties, sleigh-rides and Mayings, concerts, and lectures, marvel-
lously cements the affections.
Love Feeds on Love.
Meet in your most attractive habiliments of mind and person.
French ladies will see their affianced only when arrayed in their best
toilet. Yet mental charms vastly surpass millinery. Neither can
render yourselves too lovely.
Express affectionate fondness in your visits and letters ; the more
the better, so that you keep it a sentiment, not debase it by animal
passion. It is still establishing its rootlets, like young corn, instead
of growing. Allow no amatory excitement, no frenzied, delirious
intoxication with it ; for its violence, like every other, must react only
*"o exhaust and paralyze itself by its own excesses.
iXffianced young man, life has its epochs, which revolutionize it for
gooQ or bad. You are now in one. You have heretofore afifiliated
much with men ; formed habits of smoking or chewing tobacco ;
indulged in late suppers ; abused yourself in various ways ; perhaps
be'^n on sprees. Now is your time to take a new departure from
v\..atever is evil to all that is good and pure. Break up most of your
masculine associations ; and affiliate chiefly with your affianced. Be
out no more nights. Let your new responsibilities and relations brace
132 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
you up against their temptations; and, if these are not sufficient, your
prospective spouse will help. No other aid in resisting temptation
and inspiring to good equals that of a loving, loved woman.
Break off from your cronyisms, clubs, societies, all engagements
except such as mean imperative, cold-blooded business. Your new
ties furnish an excellent excuse. All your spare time and small
change are wanted for Jicr. To give to bad habits the time and
money due to her and setting up in life, is outrageous. Bend every-
thing to your new relations, them to nothing. Now's your time to
turn over a new leaf, and turn all the angles, corners and right-about
faces needed.
Affianced maiden, you have some departures to take and corners
to turn. Your life has till now been frivolous, but has now become
serious. You have no more need of toilet fineries; for "your market
is made," and you have work on hand far more important, namely,
fitting yourself for your new ilutics. Find out what the}' demand of
you, and set right about making a premium wife and mother. Both
begin life anew. Forgetting the past, plant and sow now what you
would gather and become always.
The Best of all Possessions.
Woman is man's choicest treasure. That is the most precious which
confers the most happiness. She is adapted to render him incom-
parably happier than any other terrestrial possession. He can enjoy
luscious peaches, melting pears, crack horses, dollars and other things
innumerable ; but a well-sexed man can enjoy woman most of "'.a.
He is poor indeed, and takes little pleasure in this life, be his pcsses-
sions and social position what they may, who takes no pleasure with
her. All description utterly fails to express the varied and exultant
enjoyments God has engrafted into a right sexual state. Only few
experiences can attest how many and great, from infancy to death,
and throughout eternity itself. All God could do He has done to
render each sex superlatively happy in the other. Of all his beautiful
and perfect work, this is the most beautiful and perfect. Of all his
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 133
bcnirjnant devices, this is his most bcnij^n. All the divine attributes,
all human happiness, converge in male and female adaptations to
mutual enjoyments.
Each is correspondingly precious to the other. Man should prize
many things, yet woman is his pearl of greatest price. He should
preserve, cherish, husband many life possessions, but woman the
most. He has many jewels in his crown of glory, but she is his gem-
jewel, his diadem. What masculine luxury equals making women in
general, and the loved one in particular, happy ?
The Source of Miseries.
Beginning and conducting courtship as this chapter directs, avoiding
the errors and following the directions it specifies, will just as surely
render all superlatively happy as sun will rise to-morrow. Scan their
sen.sc. Do they not expound nature's love-initiating and consum-
mating ordinances ? Are they not worthy of being put into practice ?
Discordants, can you not trace many of your antagonisms and miseries
to their ignorant violation ? Parents, what are they worth to put into
your children's hands, to forewam them against carelessly, ignorantly,
spoiling their marriage ? Young ladies, what are they worth to you,
as showing you how to so treat your admirers as to gain and redouble
their heart's devotion ? Young men, what arc these warnings and
teachings worth to you ? God in his natural laws will bless all who
practice, curse all who violate them.
The conduct during engagement on the part of the gentleman
should be marked by the utmost courtesy toward and confidence in
the woman of his choice ; a state of feeling which she should fully
reciprocate.
In public their behavior toward one another should not be markedly
different from that displayed by them toward other men and women
of their acquaintance ; save that the bridegroom-elect should be on
the watch that not the slightest wish of the lady be unfulfilled.
As for the lady, while she is not expected to debar herself fro n
accepting the customary courtesies extended by the gentlemen of her
134 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
acquaintance, a slight reserve should mark her conduct in accepting
them. At all places of amusement or entertainment she should appear
either in the company of her fiance, or that of some relative.
She should never captiously take offense at \\<:x fiance s showing the
same attention to other ladies that she, in her turn, is willing to accept
'rom other gentlemen, and she should take the same ])ains to please
his taste in trifles that he does to gratif)' her sliglitest wish.
This does not mean, though, that in the selfishness and blindness of
love — and love is \ery blind antl selfish sometimes — she is to shut
herself up to his companionship at all times, excluding him from the
family circle of which he is so soon to become a member, and "pairing
off" on all occasions, thus rendering both the mark for silly jestings.
How to Cherish Love.
But, in sober matter-of-fact, that little ring of gold does not mean
dtter blindness. It does not mean that she is to devote her evenings
exclusively to the chosen one, ignoring her fitnil}' entirelv. It lioes
not mean that she is to accept valuable presents of all kinds at his
hands, to expect him to give up all his friends for her sake, nor t<j
confide all the secrets of the household to his keeping, but, as one
wise woman says, to " guard herself in word and i\<m(\. ; hold his love
in the best way possible ; tie it firmly with the blue ribbon of h<^pe,
and nev^er let it be eaten away by the little fox who destroys so many
loving ties, and who is called familiarity."
Neither is this counsel to be deemed over-cautious, since, alas ! even
" engagements " are sometimes broken in this uncertain world, and
surely there is no womanly woman that would not in such an event
reflect gladly, as she took up her life once more at the old point, that
she had remembered these things.
A domineering, jealous disposition on either side before marriage is
not the best possible guarantee for after happiness, and if these traits
are clearly shown during an engagement, the individual who escapes
from such thraldom before it is too late has shown conclusively that
discretion which is, at times, the better part of valor,
ETKilKlTK OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 185
Conduct Toward Parents.
The i;tiitlcin;in should exercise some tact in regard to liis conduct
toward the faniil\- of his betrothed. Marked attention should be shown
toward the lady's mother. He .should acconunotlate himself as much
as possible to the wishes, liabits aiul ways of the household, and not
beiui;, as yet, a member of the famil\-, he should not presume to show
an intrusive familiarilx' of conversation.
The lady, on her part, should strive to show consideration, friend-
liness, and a desire to please the parents of her husband-that-is-to-be.
Thus both will unite in the endeavor to overcome that loving jealousy
so natural f)n the part of those who see the claims of another grown
])aramount in the heart of one of their number, and feel that these
new links are fast becoming stronger than ties of blood and relation-
ship.
The respecliw funilies shoukl meet these advances with all kind-
ness, and sht)ukl also iiukavor, in \\c\\ of the new union pejuling
between them, to make', if this be necessar\', one another's actpiaint-
ance as soon as convenient.
Length of Engagements.
Engagements should not be entered u])on prematurely, a certain
degree of actjuaintanceship proving no mean preparation for an
arraULfement of this nature, j^ut when an engagement is once formed
it should not, in the majorit\- of cases, be of an undue length. This
is a matter to be settled by the wishes or the circumstances of the
contracting jjarties.
It is oftimes the measure of wisdom, where the obstacle is lack of
fortune, to risk some degree of deprivation, rather than submit to a
long-protracted engagement ; the man, as head of the new home,
finding a fresh motive for ambitious striving, and both parties being
preserved from that coolness of feeling too often attendant upon years
of waiting. No homes are happier than those constructed on the
])rinciple of economy and patient effort.
136 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
Broken Engagements.
Not unfrcqucntly docs it occur that circumstances arise that render
the dissolution of an engagement inevitable, and, as such a course,
unless mutual, of necessity involves an injury to the feelings of one
party, great care and delicacy should be employed in approaching the
subject.
If the occasion should arise on the lady's side, it must be remem-
bered that she is not bound to declare any other reason than her own
sweet will. It is better, however, for reasons to be frankly given,
that the step may not be attributed to mere caprice on her part. On
the side of the man the reasons must be strong, indeed, that cem
justify him in breaking a solemn engagement sought of his own free
will, and urged by him upon the object of his choice. By thus
releasing himself he not unfrequently leaves the lady in an embarass-
ing position before the public, not to mention the possible injury that
may be inflicted upon the deepest feelings of her heart.
If the cause should arise from any fault on the part of the lady, a
man of honor will ever preserve the strictest silence on the subject.
If from sudden failure in his own fortunes he should feel himself in
duty bound to relinquish his hope of present happiness lest \\c selfishly
drag another down to penury, let the reason be carefully and clearly
explained.
At the conclusion of an engagement let every gift, including the
engagement ring, and all photographs and letters that have been
exchanged between the two, be promptly returned by each that as
little as possible may remain to remind of the days that are done. It
is especially a point of honor on the gentleman's part to retain nothing
that the lady may have given, or written, him.
Etiquette of Married Life.
Marriage, to the elect, may be fitly termed a state of grace, but
without a close observance of all the courtesies that tend to uplift
everyday life in some degree above the narrowness of mere existence
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 137
it may but too easily become what the old cynic declared it to be
when he wrote, *' Marria<^e is a feast in whicli tiic grace is sometimes
better than the dinner."
Mutual confidence and mutual respect are the two principal factors
in the case. Without these there can be none of that harmony so
necessary to happiness in the state matrimonial. And not only this,
but they sliould strive to be mutually entertaining.
The pains they took during their engagement to be agreeable to
one another at a time when they were by no means entirely dependent
upon themselves for companionship, would surely not be amiss in
rendering pleasant the years, and it may be decades of years, during
which they must be to a great extent dependent upon each other for
entertainment. The young man who spent so much time at the home
of a certain lady that he was finally asked w^hy, if he was in love with
her, he did not marry her, uttered a sad truth when lie answered,
'•.\h, but where then should I pass my evenings?" A reflection
upon the agreeableness of marrieil life that might easily be avoided by
the exercise of care antl tact on both sitles.
The Art of Agreeableness.
Vhilip Gilbert llammerton, in his fnUllntital Life, wisely suggests;
"A married cou[)le are clearly aware that, in the course of a few years,
their society is sure to become mutually iminteresting unless some-
thing is done. What is that something ? Every author who succeeds,
takes the trouble to renew his mind by fresh knowledge, new thoughts.
So, is it not at least worth while to do as much to preserve the interest
of marriage? "
The wife who dresses for her husband's sake, who reads that she
may qualify herself for conversation with him, who makes him the
chief end of her cares, and the husband who brings home from the
outside world some of its life and animation to share with her, who
has a loving interest in all that she has done for his pleasure, and, if
wealth be a stranger at their door, stands ready to lift the heaviest
burdens from lier shoulders, have solved for themselves the problem
138 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
of married happiness, antl fcnnid it to be a condition wherein every joy
is doubled and every sorrow halved.
Duty Toward One Another.
Txt the ^v^fe have no confidant as to the little shortconiin^j^s of her
husbanil^ o\er which low, as well as ])ride, should draw a shelterin;^
veil. Never listen to an unkind tale of his past or present mistakes,
and count all those who would seek thus to destroy }'our peace of
mind as your bitterest enemies. Let the husband in his turn remem-
ber that an unkind or slightiuL,^ wortl spoken of his wife, touches his
own honor to the cjuick, and be instant in resentin;^ the words that
should never have been si)oken in his presence.
Another point to be rememberetl in \iiw of the ilut\' of husband
antl wife toward one another, is with refennce to attendin;^ church or
entertainments. The wife has, in all probabilitx-, Kft a lunne where
the different meml)ers of the household were reatly to accompan\' each
other whenever occasion serxed, and }'<>inii; friends \\rre])lannint^ many
a pleasant outini;, and now sjie is wholK' dependent upon her husband
for all of these thin_i;s. Let her beware, uutler these circumstances, of
allowin<^ herself to attend church, lecture, or an\- other evenin^^ enter-
tainment, in the company of well-meanini^ friends. Vor the husband,
once seeing that his wife can attend these i>laces without his assist-
ance, will soon, if such be his disposition, remain selfishly home at
all times, or, if otherwise inclined, still more selfishly find his amuse-
ment in places widely foreign to his wife's hai)piness or jicace of mind.
Th'. carelessness of many well-meanini^ men in this respect is the
cause of very much unhap})iness that might be wholly avoided by a
little consideration as to the utter dependence of the wife upon her
husband for all these recreations.
Home Attire.
This is a subject that it should be unnecessary to touch upon, but,
unfortunately, too many bright, pretty, carefully-dressed girls degen-
erate into carclcsSj fretful, untidy and illy-clad young wives, whose
ETIQUETTE OF COrRTSHIP AND MARRIAGE. 139
presence is anything; but a joy forever to tlic individuals who must
face them across the f.unily hoard for three hundred and sixty-five
days in every year. And it is this careless }ouni^ woman who is first
to complain that " John does not care for me in the least, now we are
married," while John is very apt to think, ** If Carrie would only take
just a little of the jxiins to please me now that she did six months
a^o, how much happier we would be." And John is quite ri^ht
about it. This very carelessness on the ])art of wi\'es has marred the
happiness of more than one luw home. The ribb(jn, the flower, the
color that "John likes" and thi; smile that crowns all are magical in
their effects.
Then let John always remember to bring to this home a pleasant
face, from which business cares are driven awa\', antl a readiness to
please and be pleased, that meets tin; wife's attemj)ls halfway, and the
evening meal will be madt- delightful by pleasant elial, which should
never consist of a risiinic of the dav's tribulations, but should turn on
subjects calculated to remove from the mind all trace of their existence,
and thus will they arise at its close better and hajipier for the hour
that has passed.
Household and Personal Expenses.
One of the chief sources of unhappiness in married life is the strife
arising from the vexed question of home and personal expenses. In
the first place, the husband frequently fails in regard to openness with
regard to his business concerns and profits ; thus the wife, entirely
ignorant as to what amount she may safely spend, errs too often on
the side of extravagance, finding too late, when a storm of reproach
descends upon her innocent head, where and how she has sinned.
Then, too, it is often a sore trial to the wife's pride to ask for the
money necessary to keep her own wardrobe in repair. Especially is
this the case when, before marriage, she was in receipt of her own
money, earned by her own hands. It seems to her that her husband
ought to see that she has need of certain articles, and the very fact
that he does not, leads her to the f^lse supposition that he has ceased
140 ETIQUK ITE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
to care for her, wliile he, if there was any thou<^ht about it in his mind,
would say, "Why doesn't she ask for money if she wants it? She
knows I will give it to her if I have it."
All these troubles would be avoided if married couples early came
to a definite imdcrstandin<; on this subject, and a certain sum were
set aside which tlie w ife was to receive weekly for household expenses,
her personal wants to be supplied from such surj)lus as she may be
able to save from out this sum, or in some other way provided for by
a stated amount, both of which sums should be under her exclusive,
unquestioned control.
Some simple system of accounts should then be kept and regularly
gone over together on every quarter. A mutual agreement thus
established on the money question, much annoyance and much
extravagance may be prevented. It is not too much to suggest that,
perhaps, it might not be amiss to jjresent an account of the husband's
expenses also, at these quarterly reckonings.
Above all things, never let the wife, from a weak desire to gratify
her own personal vanity, enter upon some extravagant purchase, the
amount of which she must conceal from her husband, and (vainly
often) strive to pay in small amounts saved or borrowed. The result
is usually exposure, sometimes disgrace, pecuniary loss and loss of
esteem in the husband's eyes. Perfect confidence is the only basis
upon which happiness can be safely founded.
A Pleasant Disposition.
Cultivate, on both sides, a disposition to restrain all unseemly exhi-
bitions of temper. Hysterics and prolonged and repeated fits of tears
soon lose their effect, and, at the last, a half-pitying contempt is their
only result. Let all conversation be refined in its tone. The force of
example in this respect carries with it a silent, impressive power that
is not easily resisted and lapses therefrom involve a loss of this influ-
ence that cannot be easily estimated.
Profanity, too, is a deadly foe in the household and any wife that
permits her husb^md to swear in her presence, either to herself, or
ETIQUETTP: of courtship and marriage. 141
concerning others, lessens her own self-respect eaph time it occurs.
That profanity can be repressed, has been shown her by the fact tliat,
no matter how long the previous engagement may have lasted, no
word of such import escaped the man's lips in her presence, and
surely the woman chosen to be head of his home is no less worthy of
his respect than was the girl he wooed.
The habit of indulging in cutting or liarsh remarks is one to be
guarded against. Mutual politeness should be exercised by botii
husband and wife, and in all cases watch should be set over the
mouth, and the door of the lips well kept.
Boarding Versus Home Life.
The tendency in a'l large cities, at this present time, points toward
fashionable boarding-houses, or expensive lodging-houses, as the
nuclei round which the newlj-married most do congregate.
It may be that the wife is utterl)' imused to the care of a house (in
which case the sooner she learn the art, the happier for both parties)
or, perhaps, the financial resources of the husband are unable to
support the drain consequent upon furnishing a home that shall gratify
the foolish pride of the wife. But, whatever the cause, the effects are
the same, and are to be found in the utter unfitness of women adopt-
ing this manner of existence for any of the serious duties of life that,
sooner or later, come upon all who wear this mortal garb.
Then, too, in the idle, censorious, gossiping, novel-reading life that
flourishes in this hothouse existence, the seeds of life-long misery are
not unfrequently sown.
Let a home, then, however small, be one of the first considerations
in beginning the married life, and let the adding to, and the beautify-
ing of, this precious possession be the duty and the privilege of the
years to come.
To the wife, in her housewifely role, belongs the care of overseeing
or accomplishing with her own hands, the varied duties that go to
secure the daily well-being of the home. She must see that the rooms
are bright, neat, and cosily arranged ; that the meals are appetizingly
142
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE.
and punctually served, and be herself neatly and tastefully attired to
preside at the table. .
Due allowances are to be made for the amount of manual labor she
has been obliged to perform with her own hands, still, by care and
tact a woman can always maintain a certain degree of neatness.
Let the husband, on his part, bring into the home cheerfulness,
with a quick remembrance of all those little attentions that go so far
toward making up the sum of earthly happiness. Let him see that,
to the best of his ability, the home wants are provided for, and be not
forgetful to lend the help of his stronger hand wherever needed.
(Read carefully other hints in department of Home Etiquette.)
Never demand of your wife more than you are willing to give. If
you desire to be received with smiles, enter the house with a cheerful
mein, and you will find there are few women who are not willing to
giv^e measure for measure, and even a little more than they receive of
kindly attention. For a wife will usually shine, like the moon, by
reflection, and her happiness will always reflect your own.
v.™
IN disscus.sin<j the important subject
of etiquette as connected with
\V^v mwL W weddinL,^s and wedding anniver-
^ ^'■^^^M ^ saries, it nia\' he mentioned here that the forms
f(M" invitations to all occasions of this sort, and
acceptances and regrets of the same, card-sending, etc., have been
fully treated in their respective departments. The observances imme-
diately preceding, during, and following the ceremony, are now to
receive consideration.
Paying for the Cards.
The form, size and use of these- important bits of pasteboard having
been before stated, it only remains for us to say here that all the
expenses relative to their purchase and distribution are to be borne
solely by the parents or other guardians of the bride. To have it
otherwise implies a lack of delicacy on the part of the bride, and lays
upon her a certain amount of obligation which every right-minded
girl would desire, above all things, to avoid. Hence when the parents
are financially unable to incur the expense, good taste demands that
all display be abandoned and the couple be quietly married in the
presence of the family only.
The bride should always remember that until the fateful words are
spoken that make the twain one flesh, she has no claim whatever on
the purse of her future husband, and conduct herself accordingly.
Hence it is that a very plain trousseau is more commendable to
the self-respect of the wearer, than the elaborate outfittings, toward
143
144 WEDDINGS AND WEDDlNCr ANNIVERSARIES.
the purchase of which the groom-expectant has largely contributed,
and which, in case of the oft-recurring "slip twixt the cup and the
lip," must weigh heavily upon the maiden's pride.
Even the " after cards" are usually ordered by the parents with the
others, and paid for at the same time. If, however, they are ordered
after marriage, they are paid for by the groom.
There is only one exception to the rule of the bride's parents pay-
ing for the wedding cards, and this occurs when the wedding cere-
mony is performed quietly in church and the reception, for some
reason, is held at the home of the groom's parents, in which case
they, as the entertainers, properly pay for, and issue, the cards o{
invitation.
The groom, in England, always pays for the carriage that conveys
himself and bride to the station after the ceremony and reception are
past, but in this country the f ishionable father usually claims the
privilege of sending them on this first stage (jf their married life in his
own carriage. However, the groom buys the ring and a bouquet for
the bride, furnishes dainty presents for the bridemaids, remembers the
best man and the ushers, pays the clergyman's fee, the size of w hich
is to be regulated only by his inclination, or the length of his purse-
strings, and furnishes the marriage license.
Naming the Day.
This privilege belongs b)- right to the lady herself, but, in reality,
the business engagements of the groom, and the time when he can
best leave for the bridal tour have much to do m settling the exact
date for which the invitations shall be issued. In very fashionable
circles it is the mother that names the day of her daughter's marriage.
Time was when during the two weeks, or longer, elapsing between
the issuing of the invitations and the occurrence of the wedding, the
bride-expectant was not to be seen in oublic, nor by chance callers at
the house, a custom which still prevails to some extent, but is super-
ceded in the most fashionable circles by a series of especial entertain-
ments given during this interval.
WEDDTVGS AND WEDDIXG ANNIVERSARIES. 145
It frequently happens that one, or each, of the bridemaids entertains
the bride and other bridemaids at a lunch or dinner, either informally
or on a large scale. Some married friend of the family may give a
large farewell dinner to Miss and her bridemaids ; and the bride
herself, or her mother, may give a rehearsal dinner. Ordinarj' invi-
tations, hc'wever, are not to be accepted.
If the presents are not to be exhibited ?t the wedding reception, the
bride frequently gives an informal tea the day before to her lad\'
friends for the purpose of displaying them. She should also, for her
health's sake, take a daily drive.
Announcing the Engagement.
An engagement is now frequently announced in rather a formal
manner. This, however, is not usually done until a short time pre-
vious to the marriage itself Sometimes it comes out in the society
papers mimediately after it lias been made known to the kinfolk and
ititimate friends. Felicitations follow as a matter of course.
Sometimes a dinner-party is given by the parents of the bride-
elect and the announcement is made by the host just before leaving
the table. Congratulations follow. Sometimes n(itcs are written by
the young lady or her mother in announcement.
If the families of the contracting parties have been strangers hereto-
fore it is expected that the gentleman's fimily will make the first call.
Any friends liiat choose may give entertainments in honor of the couple.
The lady does not make any ceremonious calls after this announce-
ment has been made, it being supposed that before this occurs she
shall have left cards upon all her friends. If no formal announcement
is made the bride-to-be must, before invitations are issued, leave cards
with her friends and acquaintances. In the city she need not enter to
make a personal call, in the country she will probably find it neces
sary so to do.
Wedding Gifts.
There is much to be said for and against the custom of wedding
presents. And while the fact remains that they too often become the
m
14^; VvkbblNGS AND WEDblXG ANXtVERSAklES.
v^ehiclc for an expenditure so uncalled-for as to encroach upon vul-
garity in its excess, another fact still exists, that the simple remem-
brances of friends are very <^rateful to the bride, who, perhaps, is bound
for a distant home where every loving token will recall a well-known
face.
Then remember your friends on their wedding day, wisely, and
according to their tastes and your own resources, for :
" Policy coiinselleth a gift,
Given wisely and in season,
And policy afterward approveth it,
For great is the power of gifts."
By those so desiring, the words, " No presents," or " No presents
received," may be engraved in the left hand corner of the card. This
is often a relief to many of the guests, and, at the same time does not
prevent the very intimate frientls, as well as members of the famil\',
from sending quietly such gifts as they may choose, which, of course,
are not exhibited.
Where presents are to be given they are frequently sent some time
in advance, and the bride often takes much pleasure in arranging
them for exhibition in some upstairs room. T^ach article is accom-
panietl by the card of the giver ; these arc removed or not, as may be
desired before exhibition.
The bride acknowledges the reception of each gift by a graceful
little note of thanks. Some of them doubless will come from persons
unknown to her, friends of the groom, and to these she must be
especially prompt in returning her acknowledgments.
List of Invitations.
Making up the list of invitations should be attended to carefully.
The engaged couple should carefully prepare their respective lists and
the mother of the bride should attentively scan names, for from this is
to be made up the future visiting list of her daughter, and she cannot
but hesitate at burdening her at the outset of her new life with a ho.st
WEDDINGS AND WKDDlXd ANXIVl-:kSAkIKS. M7
of calling acquaintances, hence is forced to exclude every inelii^ible
name ; a cutting painful but oftimes necessary.
Ushers.
The duties of the ushers in a church wedding are very important.
At large weddings as many as half a dozen, or more, ushers are
sometimes needed to manage the great number of guests. They
usually appoint one of their number as head usher, and to him falls
the duty of deciding on the space to be reserved for near relatives,
which is to be divided from the remainder of the church by white
ribbons. He makes sure that the organist is in place, indicates the
approach of the bridal party that the Wedding March may greet them,
and instructs the other ushers as to their respective duties.
Ushers must escort guests to their seats, and as relatives of the
groom are seated on the right of the main aisle, or center of the
church, and those of the bride on the left, it is proper for an usher t(^
ask any one with whom he ma\' l)e unacquainted whether tluir
relationship is to the bride or groom.
In escorting guests to their seats an usher gives his right arm to a
lady. A gentleman who may be in her company should follow after.
The guests assembled, part of the ushers should leave the church
at once and drive to the britle's residence in order to be there to
receive the bridal party upon their return.
"The Best Man."
The "best man" is usually an intimate friend or relative of the
groom. He drives to the church with him, stands by his side at the
altar-rails while he awaits the approach of the bride, and, stepping
back, it is he that holds the groom's hat during the ceremony i no
hands it to him at its close. To him is confided the payment of the
wedding fee, and if there is a marriage register he signs as a witness.
He then drives by himself to the bride's home, reaching there in time
to receive the bridal party and to assist the ushers in the presentation
of guests to the newly-married couple. He also makes the necessary
i48 WEDDINGS AND VVEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
arrangements about their departure, secures the tickets, and, if their
destination is to be kept a secret, to him alone is it confided.
It occasionally happens that there are as many groomsmen as there
are bridemaids, but this is the exception and the "best man" takes
their place.
The ushers frequenth' form, two and two, and precede the bridal
party up the aisle.
Bridemaids.
The number of these is optional, from one to twelve being allow-
able. Four, six or eight are usually chosen. Unmarried sisters of
the bride and groom are frequently selected. Custom emphatically
declares that they must be younger than the bride. For an elder
sister thus to officiate w'ould be extremely inappropriate.
Indeed, the favored fashion of the present time is for little tots, all
the way from three or four to eight, clad in bewitchingly quaint and
picturesque costumes and crowned by the largest of Gainsboro' hats,
to precede the bridal couple to the chancel. In addition to these, the
bride is followed by a chosen number of bridemaids as well, but often
the children are all. Frequently they carry baskets of flowers, and,
preceding the newly-made wife in her progress down the church aisle,
they scatter the blossoms in her pathway.
Sometimes this order is changed, and children rise in groups from
seats near the front, and, preceding the bridal cortege to the door,
scatter flowers before them. Children selected for this purpose should
be under ten. Young boys, selected from among relatives, are some-
times dressed as pages and accompany the bride as train-bearers.
Bridemaids usually consult the bride as to their toilets, and each
other as well, that there may be no unfortunate combinations of color
to mar the effect of the whole. They usually dress in colors, unless
the bride choose some faint tint for her costume ; then it is customarv
for them to wear pure white, and sometimes the whole group are
clad in spotless purity.
The bridemaids' gowns are w'alking length, as a rule, and they
wear large, picturesque hats, overshadowed with plumes or adorned
WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 149
w ith flowers, and carry huge bunches, or baskets, of fragrant blossoms.
Wealthy brides, who have some special fancy to carry out, often
provide tiie gowns for their maids. Historic styles arc frequently
chosen, making every gown after the exact mode of the epoch selected,
but adoping a different color for each.
Where there is but one bridcmaid, if she be escorted at all, which
is not always done, it should be by some friend, not the " best man,"
whose duties in attendance on the groom are all-sufficient.
Bridemaids should not refuse the proffered honor, if possible for
them to accept. If, after acceptance, unforseen circumstan.ccs should
occur to prevent participation in the festivities, no time should be lost
in sending a regret and full explanation, so that her place may be
supplied in time to prevent disarrangement of the entire plan.
A Church Wedding.
A church wedding is inc^re picturesque and solemn than any other
form of celebrating the marriage rite and the etiquette of all full-dress
affairs of this nature is essentially the same.
The groom drives first to the church, accompanied by his ** best
m.an " and enters either vestry or church parlor. The relatives, the
mother of the bride and the bridemaids now drive to the church in
carriages, closely followed by the carriage of the bride and her father.
By this time it is supposed that the carpet and awning, if it is a city
church, are in place, the invited guests assembled, and the bridal pro-
cession immediately forms, entering the church and passing up the
aisle to the strains of the wedding march. In England a lovely inno-
vation is made on this threadbare custom by having a chorus of boy-
voices sing an epithalamium, or wedding ode, during their progress.
This custom has found its w^ay here in some ritulistic churches where
the vested choir march, two and two, at the head of the bridal pro-
cession, singing as they march. Sometimes as high as forty, and even
seventy, in number swell the cortege.
The order of progression is as follows : first the ushers, (unless
there are choristers to take the lead) who march up the aisle by twos,
150
WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
kecpinj]^ step with the nuisic, then, i( there are child-bridemaids, they
follow ill the same order. Some brides have two, some four or six of
tliese dainty dots of maids. The children are followed by the jj^rowii
bridemaids, also two by two. Sometimes children alone fill the
place, there beint; no i;rown maids. The maids, both children antl
grown folk, are arran<^ed according to their height and the harmony
of color in their gowns.
After them comes the bride leaning on the right arm of her father.
It sometimes happens that she walks up the aisle alone, and again that
TliE M.\RKIAGE CEREMONY.
she is accompanied by some male relative who is to take a father*!
place in giving her away. Occasionally young brothers, mere boys ir
age, are permitted to assume this touching duty.
At the altar steps the ushers separate and pass to the light and
left, the bridemaids also separate in a similar manner, leaving space
for the bridal couple. The groom, having come from the vestry,
accompanied by the "best man," should be standing in readiness tc
advance, take the bride by her right hand and turn to the clergyman,
who proceeds with the marriage formula sanctioned by his faith.
WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 151
At that point in the scrvxc where the question is asked, "Who
piveth tliis woman to be married to this man?" the father, or whoever
takes his place, should bow, and then in a moment leave the group
iind seat himself beside the bride's mother in the front pew at the left.
In a ritualistic church the bride and groom at once kneel before
the officiating clergyman, who will signify to them at w'hat point of
the service to rise. Hassocks should be provided for the occasion.
The first bridemaid, or maid of honor, takes her stand close to, and
slightly back of, the bride^ that she may be ready to take her bouquet,
if she has one, remove her glove, or, as is the better custom in this
tlay of many-buttoned gloves, to turn back the neatly-ripped glove-
ingcr that the ring may be adjusted, and to hold her bouquet or
Diayer-book when necessary. In the meantime, it is the "best man"
ivho hands the ring to the clergymen in readiness for use.
After the Ceremony.
The service over, which may or may not have been accompanied
by low% slow music, the clergyman shakes hands with and congratu-
lates the newly-wedded couple (kissing being no longer permissible),
the groom draws the bride's right hand within liis left arm and con^
ducts her to the carriage, taking the center aisle if the church hiivc
one ; if not, taking the opposite from that by which they entered, the
bride, her veil over her face, neither recognizing nor paying the
slightest apparent heed to an_,' one in the church. The organ peals
forth, the procession re-forms and follows to the door, first the bride-
maids, next the ushers. If there have been choristers, they lead the
line, chanting as before, until their voices die out of hearing in the
vestibule. Often, too, the child-bridemaids precede the couple as
they leave the church, scattering flowers before them, the whole
forming a very pretty pageant to the eye. The church may have
been richly decorated with flowers and potted plants.
Where there is but one bridemaid or maid of honor, as she is then
called, she attends to all the duties necessary, but the bridal proces-
sion is shorn somewhat of its fair proportions.
loZ WKDDINCS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
The vestibule reached, certificate or church register sifrned, the
bride is cloaked, and, eiiterin<:j a carriai^e vvilii her husband, is quickly
driven home, the Ljuests remaining in their seats until the cessation o(
the weddini^ inarch, when they, too, enter their carriages. Meanwhile
the *' best man " takes the shortest route possible to the same destina-
tion in order to assist the head usher, who with, perhaps, some of the
other ushers, is supposed to be already there, in receiving the bridal
party and guests as they reach the house. The remaining ushers
busy themselves in assisting the bridemaids to their carriages and
speeding them onward that they, if possible, may reach the house in
time to receive the bride and groom.
If the church wedding be in the evening the same order will be
observed, save that the gentlemen wear evening dress.
The Reception.
At the house the ushers introduce the guests to the newly-married
cou[)le who, together with the bridemaids, form a group to receive
the good wishes of the companv'. The parents of the bride stand
a little apart from th.is party and receive the felicitations of their
guests in behalf of their daughter's welfare. The parents of the
groom, if present, form part of this group.
If the company is very large it is well to divide the centers of
attractions by placing the }-(nmg couple in one room and tht parents
in another, thus compelling a freer circulation of the guests, who else
would crowd the bridal party to suffocation.
The house may be profusely decorated with flowers, and the rooms
though daylight reign without, may have been carefully darkened only
to be re-illuminated by the softer radiance of waxen candles or shaded
gas jets.
Refreshments.
The banquet may be as elaborate as desired, but is usually served
in the refreshment room from the buffet, guests repairing thither at
any time where they are served by attendants, ushers seeing that ladies
unattended by gentlemen are invited to partake and properly served.
wr:i)Di\GS AM) WKDDLNc; anm\i:ksariks. 153
Tea or cofifcc is not consiclcrcd ii ncccssit\-, though, in compliance
with tastes that do not yield easil\- to fashion's decree, it is usually to
be had, but in winter bouillon, in cups, is usually offered. Wine,
of course, depends upon the scruples of the entertainers. Salads,
lobster, salmon, etc., birds and dainty rolled sandwiches, do duty for
meats. Fancy cakes, such as maccaroons, kisses, etc., are always
offered, together with ices. The variety of other cakes is always at the
option of the hostess, save the regulation rich black fruit, or groom's
cake, and the bride's snowy loaf. These are necessities, and if the
bride so far cc^iform to the old custom of " cutting the cake" as to
make one incision therein with a wonderful silver knife, " ye ancient
su[)crstition " is satisfied, and the work of cutting it and packing in
dainty boxes to be carried home, if this be wished, is deputed to
attendants. These boxes are tleposited in some convenient place
within reach of the departing guests.
When there arc a number of elderly guests it is generally thouglit
best to set two or more small tables in the refreshment-room, or an
ante-room, where they may be comfortal)l\' accommodated with seats,
and one of the ushers should see that they are so seated and promptly
served.
Rehearsals.
In view of the complicated arrangements made necessary for the
proper carrying out of a fashionable church wedding, and in considera-
tion of the large number of people involved in the ceremony and the
necessity of each one being in the right place at the right moment, in
order to prevent confusion, it will be seen that some preparation is
necessary before all can act in concert.
The needed drill is usually given by an exact rehearsal of the entire
iffair, to give which, the whole party meet at the church and rehearse,
so to speak, their respective parts ; the forming into procession, the
parting right and left at the chancel and the re-forming to return to
the vestibule, being all gone through with to the sound of music, until
every part of the long procession moves like clockwork.
The grouping of the bridemaids, the appointed duties of maid of
ini Avi:i)i)i\(;s and wkddinc, anmvkrsaries.
honor and "best man," even to tlic smallest details, are all made per-
fect, until even the i)rincip.d actors in the scene can retire without fear
of any disaster to come.
This rehearsal is frequeiitl)- made the occasion of a rehearsal dinner,
^iven by the mother of the bride, at which the intimate participants
of the weddin^-to-come entertain and refresh themselves.
The Wedding Breakfast.
W'edtlini; brcakfists arc an cxclusi\clv l^nLrlish fishion, but are
gradually creepini; into fiv<M" here. The breakfast does not differ
from the ordinary reception, save that it is usuiiUy at an earlier hour
and is more frequently a "sit-down aflair."
The guests all go into the refreshment room at the same time, even
though it sometimes happens that the assembU- is so large that no one
but the bridal party and immediate relatives are provided with scats
at small tables. In this case, the gentlemen help the ladies and
themselves from a \on<i table in the center of the room, the whole
affair, under these circumstances, being simply a cold collation.
Gentlemen leave their hats in the hall *, ladies retain bonnet and gloves.
After the usual greetings to the bridal p?ir and a few minutes gen-
eral conversation, the repast is announced and the guests proceed to
the appointed room in the usual fashion — bride and groom, bride's
father and groom's mother, groom's father and bride's mother, "best
man" and maid of honor, other bridemaids and gentlemen appointed,
usually ushers, etc.
A "stand-up" breakfast has many things in its favor. It is more
easily served than one where all the guests are seated at a table that,
in everything but name, is a dinner table ; it is less formal and there-
fore pleasanter, and far more guests can be accommodated. The
refreshments are the same as for a reception.
Departure.
After mingling with the guests for a short time the bride quietly
withdraws to don her traveling g^rb, and soon descends the stairwav.
WEDDIVGS AND WEDDING ANNIVF^RS ARIES. Ihi)
She is met at the foot by her bridcmaids, who part and form in line
on either hand, through wliieh dainty pathway she passes to join the
trrooni.
Quick good-bys are said, the carriage is entered and whirls rapitlly
away, followed by showers of rice and cast-off slippers, ami the pretty
scene is ended.
Home Weddings.
Home weddings arc attended with much less trouble, fatigue and
expense than fishionable church weddings. The clergyman enters
the room and stands facing the people; the bridal couple follow and
stand facing him. Hassocks are provided for kneeling, if desired.
The father, or some near male relative, stands ready, in sight of the
clergyman, to give away the bride. He should simply bow his affirm-
ation when the question is asked.
There are many additions that may be made to this simple cere-
mony, such as a troop of pretty children holding white ribbons each
side to mark the path the bridal pair must walk to reach the minister,
while the sweet strains of a hidden band of musicians may accompany
their footsteps.
Floral decorations, within limits, are beautiful and appropriate, bat
where they are so lavishly displayed as to remind more of the florist's
bill than the beauty of the blossoms, their effect is lost in a certain
vulgarity that attends all too-visible evidences of outlay.
One pretty idea is to carry out the fancy of having one kind of
flower, massed according to the chosen design, serve for the decora-
tions, at flower weddings ; for example, rose weddings, lily weddings,
daffodil weddings, etc. The design itself is according to the taste of
the florist or the family, and is a subject changing so easily with the
season or the fashion as to merit no mention here.
The supper may be as elegant an affair as one chooses to make it.
If served by caterers, all care is removed from the hostess as to 'pos-
sible accidents, and she is left free to entertain her guests.
At evening weddings the company remains late or not, according
%o the hour of the bride's departure. Sometimes dancing is arranged
156 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
as one of the evening's amusements. If so, the bride may, if she
choose, open the first quadrille with the " best man." Should she do
this, the groom is expected to dance with the first bridemaid.
The bride can slip away at any time, to reappear in traveling cos-
tume, and bidding a quick farewell, disappear from the company, who,
after this, begin to disperse.
One most pleasant custom, English in its origin, should not be
r)rgotten ; It is that of remembering all the servants with some little
^ift as a souvenir of the occasion.
Invitations to Church Weddings.
There is a good deal of dispute in regard tC' the etiquette of
acknowledgment of a card for a church wedding. Some high
authorities assert that the invitation is so general and means so
little particular attention that no notice need be taken of it except
in the regular line of future visits to the bride and to the bride's
mother. But one of our American social oracles declares that a card
is obligatory at the hour of the wedding, if one cannot attend, and
that if the house address is unknown, this card should be sent to the
church. If this is necessary, most people err woefully, for few non-
attendants send the card.
For church weddings everything pertains to formality, and the
invitation as well as the ceremony is impressive in all details. The
names of the parents heading the invitation are now more often
Avritten in full, thus insuring a good-looking line at the top of the
note. The line, "request the honor of your presence," almost invari-
ably appears on a church invitation with "honor" spelled with a "u."
The names of bride and groom are separated by the little word
"to," although some consider "and" quite as proper.
The omission of the prefix "Miss" from the daughter's name is
customary on an invitation but should never occur when the bride is
a sister, cousin or niece of the people issuing the invitations. If a
widow is re-marrying, she uses the prefix "Mrs." with her Christian
names and the surname of her deceased husband. If the bride is an
WEDDINGS AND WEDDIXG_;AXNIVERSARIES. 157
orphan, with no one to issue the invitations for her, the heading reads,
"The honor of your presence is requested," etc. When the bride
has more names than one it is customary to use all.
The address of a well-known church is generally omitted, although
it is frequently a convenience for out-of-town friends to know it.
Names of churches ending with **s," as Saint Thomas, are written
with an apostrophe "s" — thus, Saint Thomas's.
Dress for the Occasion.
The Bride's Dress may be as elegant as desired, or as simple, but
it is to be hoped that the custom of using pure white in the composi-
tion of the toilet will not be superseded by any passing freak of Dame
Fashion's for softly tinted bridal robes. This innovation should be
stoutly resisted by all brides-to-be. If the white robe is simple in
material, a simple style should be chosen for the making ; richer
goods allow of more elaboration. The bride wears no jewels, and the
typical orange-blossoms and myrtle are supposed to crown her brow.
As a fact, however, otl^jr white flowers, such as roses, lilacs, lilies-of-
the-valley, are more frequently chosen.
Where the weddmg decorations are of one flower jxclusively, that
blossom alone figures in the bridal wreath and bouquet. Some High
Church brides carry an ivory or silver-bound prayer-book in prefer-
ence to flowers ; thus associating it with the most sacred vows of theit
life and hoj)ing to preserve it as an heirloom in the family.
White shoes and gloves are to be worn with this toilet. The best
taste prescribes a high corsage for the bridal costume, and sleeves
either to the elbow or long^er, in either case to be met bv the long kid
gloves. This gives a certain modesty to the toilet that is in keeping
with the occasion. By many brides who expect to wear their bridal
costume to after evening entertainments, the wedding gown is fre-
quently supplied with two corsages ; the high for the wedding day and
the low for evening wear.
The Veil is usually of thin, sheer tulle, as this is most becoming
to the face, but those brides who can display fine old point on this
158 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
occasion will be very apt so to do. If the bridal costume is to be
worn on any other occasion, it must be divested of orange-blossoms
and worn without the veil.
The above-described costume is a}:)propriate for either a morning or
evening wedding. Ikides, who are married in traveling costume,
should wear a bonnet rather than a hat.
The Groom's Dress is decided by the hour at which the wedding
takes place. If it is in the evening, the conventional evening dress is
imperative. Black suit, dress coat, low-cut waistcoat, white tie, white
or pale pearl-colored gloves, thin patent leather shoes and possibly a
white flower in the button-hole, constitute proper costume.
Morning Costume.
At a morning wedding, that is, one taking place at any liour between
ten and seven (before which time a dress suit can by no possibility
appear) full morning costume is worn by the groom. This consists
of a dark frock coat, dark waistcoat and lighter trousers; a stiff hat,
a light scarf and gloves if desired. The glcves should be light but
not evening tints ; pale tan or gray being suitable. The Groomsmen's
Dress is decided by the hour and by the dress of the groom, of which
it is a faithful copy.
The Usher's Dress follows the same law as that of the groomsmen,
save that if wedding favors arc worn it is In- the ushers onl)'. The
other gentlemen present will find it well to copy the same stx'les, save
that those only who are immediately connected with the ceremony are
expected to wear white gloves.
The Bridemaid's Dress has been already described.
Friends in Mourning are expected to lay aside their somber robings
for this hour. Even the widowed mother is bound to don either a
pp.le gray, or a deep purple, costume for the occasion, the presence of
black at so joyous a moment always casting a certain shadow over
the party.
The Traveling Dress. This is occasionally worn by brides who do
"ot wish to incur the haste and annoyance of changing their costume
WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 159
before leavinir for the bridal tour. This is done at times even when
the ceremony is performed in church, but is almost always resorted
to where the wedding is quiet. Sometimes this dress is as elaborate
as is at all consistent with (^ood taste for travelin*^^ and when this is
the case it is usually exchan<red for the regulation traveling gown at
the first stopping place in their journe\-. !More frequently, and more
appropriately, the plain tailor-made suit, with gloves and hat in har-
mony, is made to do dut\". In an\- case where the bride chooses to
wear a tra\eling costume, even should the ceremony be performed in
the evening, the groom will wear a morning costume.
A Quiet Wedding.
To many people the idea of so much s})lendor and ceremony on the
occasion of their marriage has in it something distasteful, and to others
the physical weariness thereby incurred is almost an impossibility. In
this case the quietest of ceremonies ma}' be chosen. It ma}- take
place in church if the bride desire this further seal of solemnit}' set
upon the service, with parents and one or two frientls far witnesses; or
at home with the family cUid clergyman only present, the bridal couple
being driven from thence directly to the depot if the stereot}'ped wed-
ding tour is to follow.
Re-marriage.
A widow, re-marr}ing, no matter how youthful she may be, is pro-
hibited from wearing the white gown, veil and orange-blossoms of the
bride. Neither may she surround herself with a bev}' of bridemaids.
Her wedding, to be absolutel}- correct, should be quietly solemnized
and her garb a traveling dress.
Still, if she should wish, she may wear the most elegant of tinted
silks, the most elaborate in make-up, and have a large antl elegant
assembly to witness her marriage and participate in its festivities, but
no bridemaids are allowable.
At a church wedding she should be attended ty her fither, brother,
other male relative, or some friend. She should always remose the
first wedtling ring from her finger before the service and not again
1()0 WKDDIXGS AND WEDDIXG ANNIVERSARIES.
assume it. Invitations to the marriage of a widow are engraved with
her whole name, maiden and married, thus : Elizabeth Stuart
Fielding.
If she have sons or unmarried daughters at the time of her second
marriage she should prefix their last name to her new one on all cere-
monious occasions in which the\- also are interested, thus : Mrs.
Stuart Fielding Grant and Miss Fielding, At Home. 20 Gros-
venor Square.
The Ring.
The fourth finger of the left hand, counting from the thumb, is the
finger upon which the engagement and wedding rings are worn. The
engagement ring varies in extravagance according to the means of the
groom, and has almost alwa\'s a set of some descrijition ; the wedding
ring is always the same, a plain, roun.d-edged band of gi>ld. Initicds
and dates may be engraved in both.
The engagement ring is usuall}- worn afterward as a guard for the
wedding ring. As to its setting there is a wide latitude gi\en wherein
all the pretty conceits and superstitions attached to j)recious stones
may be exercised at will. The German consider pearls unlucky for
brides, as siijnificant of tears, l^irth-nionth stones mav be used, even
the fateful opal losing its power f >r harm when worn by an October
maiden. The turquoise is perhaps the fa\ored of precious stones for
this purpose. The old Persian proverb sa\s that "He that hath
a turquoi.se hath a friend." Its known pt»wer of turning })ale under
certain climatic influences has invested it in stor\' with the power of
not only warding off e\il influences, rendering its wearer constant and
assuring success in love, but still more of revealing by a certain ])allor
of coloring, coming danger or the existence of inconstancx" in its wearer.
It is also said that in case of a fall the turquoise takes all injury upon
itself; the stone being fractured and the owner being uninjured. Add
to this the item that the stone must be a gift, not apurchase, to posssess
these marvelous powers, and it will be .seen that it is admirably suited
to adorn an engagement ring. The diam(»nd is another very appro-
priate stone for this purpose, either solitaire or incluster.
XI
A TOKKN OF !• KIKNDSHIl'.
I6l
J 62 WEDDINGS AND WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
Reception Days.
It is necessary for the bride to include her new address with her
wedding invitations, unless, as is stiH more "chic," cards for several
reception days are issued after her return. These dates being fixed,
it is then that first calls may be made upon her at her new residence
with. the happy certainty of finding her at home.
At these quiet, informal receptions, she receives simply as a member
of society, wearing usually a rich, dark silk without any reminders of
her recent bridehood.
WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES.
The wedding anniversaries are numerous, but only a few of these
are habitually obscr\ed. Paper, wooden, tin, crystal, silver and golden
are the favorite ones, the others being so rare as to hardly merit being
included in the list.
The following complete list of the anniversaries, wi.:h the respective
dates of their occurrence, may be useful for reference:
First Anniversary Paper Wedding.
Second Anniversary Cotton W^edding.
Third Anniversary Leather Wedding.
Fifth Anniv^ersary , Wooden Wedding.
Seventh Anniversary Woolen W'edding.
Tenth Anniversary ... Tin Wedding,
Twelfth Anniversary Silk and Linen Wedding.
Fifteenth Anniversary Crystal Wedding.
Twentieth Anniversary . . . China (sometimes Floral) Wedding.
Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Silver Wedding,
Thirtieth Anniversary Pearl Wedding.
Thirty-fifth Anniversary Coral Wedding.
Fortieth Anniversary Ruby Wedding.
Forty-fifth Anniversary Bronze Wedding.
Fiftieth Anniversary Golden Wedding.
Sixty-Fifth Anniversary Crown-Diamond Wedding.
Seventy-fifth Anniversary Diamond Wedding.
WEDDINGS Ax\D WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. "^J
It maybe well to mention here that the twentieth anniv er. ..ry i?.
considered unhicky to celebrate, or even to mention.
The manner of .sendin<j out invitati ;ns and acceptin<j and refusing
the same has been fully described in the proper department, and a few
words onl\' will be necessary as to the gifts and entertainment suitable
on such occasions.
Tin ana ^Aaper Weddings and some other of the earlier anniversaries
are usually occasions for happy frolics, and merry jests as to the form
the gifts will take, though the paper wedding gives place for the
presentation of elegant books, and a supply of fashionable stationery
that is sufficient to fill the family needs for a long space of time.
Suitable Presents.
The Wooden W^edding is a little more expensive in its demands,
and the gifts range from elegant suites (jf carved furniture tlown to
diuiity bits of hand-carving in the shape of ])anLls and plactjies ; and
from rolling-pin and potato-masher all the way up to oaken mantles,
rich with all manner of iuijenious fret- work of design.
The Crystal W^edding may also show forth a glittering array ot
gifts both ornamental and useful.
The Silver Wedding is, perhaps, the most important of all tlie wed-
ding annixersaries. This arises partly from the fact that it is most
generally observed, partly because of the value of its gifts, and, more
than aught else, because the date of its observance finds the happy
pair still m the enjoyment of comparative youth and with li,'ngth of
days still before them. In the matter of presents it is almost impos-
sible to go amiss, since there is scarcely an article of use or ornament
from dining-room to reception-room and from the library desk to my
lady's toilet table, that has not been made a thing of beaut)' and a joy
forever by the silversmith's art.
The Golden Wedding, from the advanced age at which it occurs,
has an element of sadness in its celebration. The aged couple who
stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as
they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first
1G4 WKDDINGS AND WEDDINCi ANNIVERSARIES.
flush of youth, with life before them, or as tlicy look forward to the
shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here.
The gifts that are laid before them should be fitly wrouL,dit of i;okl,
since their love has been as gold tried in the furnace of life.
If the fuiiily means are insufficient for numerous valuable gifts, let
all the friends "club" together and purchase some fitting souvenir for
the occasion. Golden-rod forms an apprcipriate floral decoration.
But, after all, the chief idea and the pleasure of this anni\ersar\' is
the gathering together of as man\' as possible of the relatives that ye'
remain to greet the pair .it this, the gokleii milesivine of their life's
journt^y.
Speeches and Congratulations.
The Diamond Wedding occurs so seldom, and is so much like the
otliers i.N the manner, if not the matter of its gifts, as to scarcely
require mention lure.
The entertainment at these amiivers.ir\' celebrations is very much
the same as at weddings or other gatherings. Tlie refreshments may
be served at tabks, or a "stand up" collatit)n given. In this latter
case, there should be one or two tables set for the elders of the party.
At Silver and Golden Weddings presentation s])eeches arc frecjuently
made by some frientl, antl at golden anni\'ersaries a regular program
is oftentniu's carried out. Annivers.u-}' poems arc read, "The Hang-
ing of the Crane" recited, congratulatory .clegrams from absi:nt
friends are announced, and an\' old ac(juainta;:L.es present that can be
persuaded to say a few words of "\e oiden times" are pressed into
service. Good taste, however, would seem to pre\'ent any repetition
of the marriage service on such an occasion.
Cards in acknowledgment of bric'al presents are worded in the
following fashioti: Mr. and Mrs. Gi:<)R(iK 11. liR.wnox express sincere
thanks to for the beautiful wedding gift. June i8th. 62 Wesi
126th street.
An ultra-fashionable bride, supplying herself with several packages.
of these stereotyped acknowledgments, has nothing to do but fill in
the name of the sender and thus avoid infinite labor.
AN UNSEASONABLE CALL.
a
FTVK O'CLOCK TKA.
t[QyETT&
GOOD manners arc a plant of slow
i;n»\vth, and one that should hn
cultivated in the home circle.
"Give a boy address, and it opens
palaces to him," says ICmerson, and
nowhere is this address, "this habit of
^^^ cncoanter," so easily gained as within th",*
walls of home. There his character is formed for life.
Good breedini^, in reality, is but the outcome of "much good
sense, some good Uiiture, and a little self-denial exercised for the sak^'
of others, with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them."
These words of the scholar, Chesterfield, learned as he was in
worldly lore, and satisfied of the expediency of such observances from
a selfish standpoint, are but another, and more selfish, rentlering of
the Golden Rule, whose value as a rule of action in life is apparent.
Courtesy, it must be conceded, is not only pleasant, but profitable
in all places, and at all times, but more especially in the home circle
are its virtues most brilliantly s^t forth.
Courtesies of Married Life.
"Marriage \ery rarely mends a man's manners," is a sadly true
statement of the playwright Congrevc, and one whose truth touches
women also as concerning the marriage state.
If the slight formalities that are the bulwarks of love as well as
friendship, many forbearances, and more of the small, sweet courtesies
of life, were but permitted to blossom forth like unexpected flowers
beneath the family roof-tree, fewer unhappy marriages would catalogue
their miseries in the divorce court.
165
166 homf: r:riQLri:rrE.
The man who takes off his liat as politely to his wife when he parts
fnmi her on the street as he would to his lady acquaintance of yester-
day ; who opens the doc for lur to eiitir; who would no more speak-
harshly to her than to any other l.uly, is very likely to retain her first
.iffe-jtion and to add to it th.it sweeter, closer love that comes of
knowledge and comijanionship.
What Women Admire.
Women admire fine manners and graceful attentions. The man
who never forgets their tastes ; who remembers wedding anniversaries
and birthdays ; is interested in their pursuits, and ready with an appre-
ciative word of praise, is the man that claims their admiration by virtue
of thoughtfulness and consideration.
This man, too, would be far more apt to hold a woman's affection
ihan the best and most upright of his sex, who is thoughtless and
indifferent, not of her physical comfort, but of all her pet fancies and
sentiments, who, never saw her new gowns, and is profoundly neglect-
AjI of all those trifles, light as air, which go fir toward making up the
sum of woman's liappiness or misery.
What Men Desire.
Hepworth Dixon, on being asked what men most desire in a wife,
and what quality held them longest, unhesitatingly replied, " That she
should be a pillow," Then, noting the inquiry thus suggested, he
went on to say: " What a man most needs is that he should find in
his wife a pillow whereon to rest his heart. He longs to find a
moment's rest from the outer whirl of life, to win a ready listener that
s\-mpathizes where others wound." And she whose eyes are flatter-
ing mirrors, whose lips console and soothe, will find that she has
secured a hold upon the heart of her husband, thnt the embodiment oi
all the virtues of her sex could not secure, were she wanting in
this sympathetic tact.
Sweet-tempered people are the joy of the world. Their civilities,
their self-sacrifice^ their thoughtfulness for others it is that gils th9
wheels n( domestic life. People who, according; to the old phrase,
have "tempers of their own," are not, at the best, agreeable com-
pa!iions. We ma\' respect tluir j;ood ([ualities, but wc arc apt to give
them a wide berth where possible. liiit when they' are inmates of our
own households, the evil spirit must be confronted and exorcised if
possible.
Many a wife has, by exercising her own self-control, subdued and
shamed a tyrannical, evil-tempered husband into a better disposition,
but never by argument, dispute, or anger on her part.
Many a husband, too, has by the firmness and sweetness of his own
temper, won his young, impatient wife, tried by the half-understood
cares of her new existence, to evenness of spirit and control of temper.
"It is impossible to be cross where Charlie is," said one young wife,
taken from a home where self-control had never been taught. " 1
am always ashamed of it afterward."
Fault-Finding.
"Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil our vines," and of
the insidious foxes that spoil the tender fruitage of the household vine,
a fault-finding disposition is most dangerous.
A quick, ungovernable temper is not as destructive to household
peace and comfort as the nagging, carping, fault-finding spirit that sees
good in nothing. A temper that is like a tornado in its violence at
least clears the air as it passes, and is usually followed by quick
repentance and ready reparation. Rut the fault-finding, nagging,
suspicious temperament is a veritable foe in a man's own household.
Where no word of praise is heard, no commendation follows the
best-intentioned efforts, but the ceaseless nagging, the ever recurring
criticism meets one at every turn, it is not strange if the ties oi
affection are too often strained even to breaking.
Temper proceeds from, and is an indie ition of the character. It is
inherited, even as features are ; but, like features, it may be modified
by culture and training, and a temper thus conquered becomes i
very desirable possession.
i68
HOME ETIQUETTE.
Home Conversation.
lulucato yourself, as a wife, to keep up with the times sufficiently
to be at least a companionable c(yaversationalist. Read the papers-
read late books ; endeavor to be as entertaining to your husband as
you were to your husband-elect.
As a liusband, share your knowledge of the activities of life with
your wife, who, from the very nature of her occupation is excluded
from much of its exciting whirl. Read together, talk together of art..
ETinUETTE OF THE DRAWIXG-ROOM.
of music, of literature, of the stirring events of the outer w^or'if', and
put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall hdve. been
worn so threadbare that the average man and women must feel a
strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over.
Then, too, the children hunger for new ideas, and one of the
greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the
conversation of intelligenl; people. Too many parents who are bright
and entertainitig abroad are dull and uninteresting in their own houGc-
holds, to the great detriment of their children and to their ow^ lo3> ol
intelligent companionship in one another.
HOME ETIQUETTE.
169
"What little Jack Icarncth not, the same neither Icarncth great
John," There is a truth in this old sayini; that the parents and
guardians of chiklren would do well to pontler in tin ir hearts, for it is
a well substantiated staten>ent that the first ten years of a child's life
stamp upon his character the imprint for good or ill-breeding. Thus
is spared the after struggle on their part to attain the grace and self-
possession that should have been theirs by birthright.
Children are naturally imitative, hence the value of example over
SUXSniXK AT HOME.
precept. The children of courteous parents will im!)ibc courtesy as
naturallv and unconsciously as the growing plant .\bsorbs oxygen
from the air and sunlight that bathes its leaves and petals.
Softly modulated tones should mark the words spoken to a child,
and reproof carries an added weight when lowered toneij o'-nvcy the
rebuke. Even a baby before it can speak recognizes sh?dcS of mean-
ing in the tones the mother utters, and is sootr*cd by the on-, and
startled by the other.
170 HOMK E'rU^UErrK.
Kindliness, politeness of the p.irenls oiic towards another, arc the
first stei)s toward tr.iininL^ children in the ac([uirement of ^ood
manners. (lentleness atid sweetness of manner e.m be t.iuj^ht <it the
cradle far more surjly tlian frnm tlie schoolrcMim desk, and when
baby has learned to preface its little wants with "])lease," and M.ister
Four Years old to run and open the door for mamma, or mamma's
visitors, or to give up the easiest chair without bein^ asked, the firm
foundation has been laid for courteous behavit)r in after life.
And so on, all through the school years, boys and girls may be so
taught to respect one another's possessions, letters, feelings, and to
discriminate closely bc^tween nicum and tuiiin after such wise that they
will be made better husbands, better wives, blotter citizens, for all
their days.
Slang and Exaggerations.
By our own speech it is that we are sure to be judged, for, —
"'Pis only man can words create,
And cut the air to sounds articulate
By nature's sj)erial t barter. Nay, s])ee<-h can
i\Iake a shrewd dis( repance 'twixt man and man.
It doth the gentleman from the clown discover;
And from a fool the great jihilosopher.
As Solon said to one in judgment weak : —
'I thought thee wise until I heard thee speak.' "
And if we talk with flippancy and exaggeration, load our sen-
tences with slang phrases, and preface and punctuate them with oft-
'-epeated expressions of "Say!" "Well!" "You know," "Do tell,''
'id so on, ad infinituvi^ all wisdom, or propriety of speech will be
)St.
It is ciifficult to believe in the refinement of a girl who permits her
fresh young lips to utter the slang of the bar-room hanger-on, the
gambler and the street gamin.
Equally difficult is it to believe in the absolute truthfulness of one
who declares to you that t'"»e heat of a lovely June day is " simply
awful" or "perfectly terrible, from sheer wonder as to what terrns
Tiiii i>;dustkioi s houskwifk.
171
172 HOME irriQUETTE.
she would use to characterize the intense heat of some swecpinj^ fire.
Again, it is harti to uiulerstand the taste of one who informs )ou
f^ravely tiiat "the chicken salad was too lovely for iUUthinLj ! " or the
last evening's sunset was "perfectly elegant! " The Websterian defini-
tion of "elegant" being "polished, st)lish, refined, etc.," it is to be
wished that all perpetrators of like sins coukl meet the punishment
a }'oung latly once dealt io a gentleman who remarked with great
effusion: "This moonlight is perfectly elegant!" To this observation
she answered with graxity, " Yes, it really is \ery stylish ! "
Let, therefore, all A\ho strive f(;r the grace of good breeding, men
and women, bo\'s and girls alike, " set a watcl". over their lips and
keep tlie door of their mouth," for " words have \vings, and so soon
as their cage, the mouth, is opened, out they fly and mount beyond
our reach, and past reco\ery."
Some Do's for Girls.
The following hints f )r girls, each ])rcfaced by the auxiliary " Do,"
v\ill prove a safe guide, not onl\' for the girls but for an\' of their
eiders who ma}' choose to follow them.
Do answer xour letters soon after thev .ire received and tlo tr\' to
reply to them with some relation to their contents ; a rambling, ill-
considered letter is a satire upon }-our education.
Do, when \'ou talk, keep }-our hands still.
Do observe; the facull)' of observation, well cultivated, makes prac-
tical men and women.
Do attach as much importance to \our mind as to your body.
Do be natural ; a poor diamond is better than a good imitation.
Do try to remember where you put )'our gloves and cardcase ; keep
the former mended and the latter filled.
Do recollect that your health is more important than your amusc-
jnents; you can live without one, but you'll die early without the
other.
Do try to be sensible ; it is not a particular sign of superiority to
talk like a fool.
THE PRINCESS OF WALES.
A SOCIETY BELLE — "CALI. AGAIN."
^'^'^•iSifji'flpT?!*''"'!
A CALL FROM BABY S ADMIRERS.
173
174 HOMK ETIQUETTE.
Do be ready in time for church; if you do not respecL yourseH
sufficiently to he ininctuul, respect the feeliiv^s of other people.
Do get up in time for hre.ikfast.
Do avoid causes of irritation in your family circle ; do reflect that
home is the place in which to be agreeable.
Do be reticent ; the world at large has no interest in your private
affairs.
Do cultivat.*^ the habit of listening to others ; it will make you an
invaluable member <>f society, to say nothing of the advantage it will
be to you.
Do be truthful ; do avoid exaggeration ; if you mean a nu'le sa\- a
mile, not a mile and a half; if you mean one say one, and not r
dozen.
Young Ladies, Take Heed.
Do, sometimes, at least, allow \'our mother to know better thair
you do; she was educated before \()U were born.
Do sii/n vour full name to \()ur letters.
Do learn to say "No."
Do, if you have brothers, try to gain their confidence, to be inter-
ested in their sports, to cultivate their manners, not by censure, but
by the force of your own example.
Do laugh, girls, not boisteroush', not constantly, but clearly and
pleasantly, but don't giggle. If girls from fourteen to eighteen could
only understand the vulgarity of continually putting their heads
together and giggling, as if the whole world v/as a supremely ridicu-
lous affair, about which they must cliuckle, and whisper, when in truth
their own actions are the one thing ridiculous, they would refrain
from such unmitigated nonsense.
Do be exqisitely neat in your attire. Beware of the lawn dress., the
light kids, the collar, the laces that are worn once too often.
Do be careful about giving aw^ay your photographs, especially to
men. You would hardly like to hear the comments that are some-
times passed upon. them. If you cannot learn to say " No," refrain
from displaying them to your gentleman friends.
HOME PyriQUETTE/ 175
Some Do's for Boys.
As for boys, there arc a few " Dc's " for them to consider if they
would become that noblest work of God, a true man, a gentleman.
Do respect your father and mother and give them their proper titles
at all times. To call them " the Governor ' and "the old lady," does
not in the least add to your supposed manliness, but rather displays a
very unmanU' fear on your part tliat jjcople might suppose you were
in some degree under their authority ; not only an unmanl}', but a
foolish fear, since no one is fit for authority until he has first learned
obedience.
Do learn to respect women. Never speak slightingl}' of their
worth, nor trifle with their name. Learn the lesson now, and ^-ou
will find its value in }'our manhood.
Do treat your sisters and your girl .schoolmates in a gentlemanly
manner. Vou ha\e no idea how much it will add to your owi
appearance.
Do gu.'i d against a profusion of slang that would do credit to \
pickpocket.
Do be determined noi to use profme expressions in the presence of
ladies, children, or ministers, or anywhere else.
Do keep your lips from uttering coarse and unclean things that you
would blush to have overheard by mother or sister. More than tliis,
do not listen to them from the lips of others, A pure-minded boy
will be a pure-minded man.
Do take care of your various belongings ; do not expect mother or
sisters to pick up your necktie, your gloves, your schoolbooks, your
hat, from as many different places as there are articles, and put them
properly away. It is quite as necessary for boys oi men to have
some neatness in their habits as for girls or women. Do learn to help
yourself occasionally. It is quite possible that you should be able to
arrange a necktie, comb your hair, or get the articles together for
a fresh toilet without calling some one to your assistance. Quite
possible and vastly convenient for other members of the household.
170 liOMK ETIQUETTE.
Do close the doors uitiiout slainniinfj ; don't tear the house down.
Do lower your voice sometimes ; everyone is not deaf.
Do be neat in j)ersonal appearance ; collars, handkerchiefs and
cuffs, should be spotlessly clean, and hands and finger nails receive
careful attention.
Do not fail to use three bruslies ever)' d<i)' — the tooth-brush, the
clothes-brush and the blackiuir-brush.
Do break jourself of disagreeable ])ersonal habits. Do not )awn
in people's faces, lounge in )'our chair, scratch head or person, i»r clean
finger-nails when others are pn,'sent.
Do not forget to use your handkerchief, and that quieth' as possible.
Do decide that temperate habits are UKjre manly tlian intemiie.ate
ones, and don't think that it is one of your '* rights " to smoke
cigarettes.
Do learn to sa}' " No," to lead sometimes instead of alwa\'s following.
Do be careful of your manners Remembei- that as the twig is bent,
o the tree is inclineil, and that the ])()lished bov vvill be the polished
man. Polish, it is to be understood, is not inconsistent with strength,
but rather adds to it. The strongest machiner)- is of the finest polish,
and the Damascus blade is of the surest mettle.
Do be .sure to give up )'our seat in omnibus or car to a lady. Even
if she be not sufficiently grateful, you have shown your good breeding.
Do remember to remove your hat when you enter a house, private
office, hotel elevator (if ladies are present), when }'ou bow to a lady
or when you offer to assist a lady.
Do lay these "do's" up in your memory and practice them in your
lives.
Guard the Voice.
A harsh voice, or shrill, high-pitched tones, are a source of discom-
fort to all who hear them. Nothing gives a more favorable impres-
sion of good breeding than a voice, musical, clear, low in its key, and
careful in its articulation.
George Eliot, who had a face of extreme plainness, possessed a
low musical voice that had a perfect fascination for the listener. At
HOME KTIQUETTE. 177
times such a voice is the ^ift of nr.ture, hut usually it requires careful
cultivation, and the earlier the age at which this cultivation begins,
the surer and the simpler is the price of success.
Children can be early taught nut to raise their voices shrilly to
demand attention, but to speak softly and gently at home, anci then
their ' comixniy voice" will possess a natural quality. Train the tones
softly and sweetly now, and they will keep in tune through life.
Those whose early education in this respect has been neglected
will win success only at the price of eternal vigilance. A few lessons
in voice culture will work wonders in training the ear to appreciate
the different ke}'s, the voice to acquire lower and richer tones, and
the articulation to become clear and distinct.
Even where there are serious \ ocal defects, such as stammering,
lisping, etc., they can be relieved by some good teacher of voice-
culture. Indeed, some attention to the culture of voices ought to
become a necessary part of education. A low, sweet voice is like a
lark's song in heart and home, and the self-control necessary to
always keep it at this harmonious le\'el, exercises a most salutary
influence over mind and temper.
How to Treat Servants.
A large proportion of the domestic economy in many households is
left entirely in the hands of servants, and on the good or ill behavior
of these servants depends the comfort of the home, and the behavior
of the servants depends very greatly upon the behavior of their em-
ployers toward them. The manner even of addressing servants in
this country is rather important, offense being so readily taken at what
is deemed disrespect.
Men servants may be addressed by their last name without any
prefix. If they have been in the flimily a long time the first name
may be used, if desired. In addressing servants that are perfect
strangers it can be generally managed without the use of any name.
In writing to them audi\,se without prefix, as, Robert Johnson.
Do not be insolent towards, or demand too much of, servants.
m
17S HOME ETIQUETTE.
They have very much the same feelings of pride that the house-
mistress has, and the less those feelings are wounded the better help
they will render.
Do not reprimand them before guests. Nothing so injures their
self-respect or so tends to make them careless. Whatever the blunder,
be apparently unmoved in the presence of your guests. Save all
reproof until their departure. Have a perfect understanding of the
work you would have them perform, if you would have them accom-
plish it satisfactorily. Ignorance never yet made a good master or
mistress, and always puts a premium on incompetency on the part of
employes.
Have Rules and Enforce Them.
Require all house servants to be quiet in their mov^ements, not to
slam doors or rattle china. Impress upon them the importance of
dressing neatly. Teach them to treat all com.ers with politeness ; to
answer the door-bell promptl}' and to thoroughly understand whatever
rules you ma\' have about being "engaged" or "not at home."
If reproof is to be administered or orders given, it is much better
that the servant be called up-stairs to receive them, than for the house
mistress to descend to the kitchen. This will insure an opportunity
should dispute arise of dismissing the employe to the kitchen with but
loss of dignity on her part ; while, if it is in the kitchen that the differ-
ence of opinion may arise, the house-mistress must herself leave the
field.
Insist upon systematic arrangement of the week's w^ork, and punc-
tuality in carrying out its details. Explain carefully to all newly-
engaged servants the routine of the house and expect them to con-
form to it. Be mild but firm in exercisini'- authoritv, and servants
will respect you and your rules.
If there is a housekeeper, all these details will be committed to her
hands, and she has need to be ompetent, compelling respect, to be
fitted for the position. Teach ..• r ants not to expect fees from your
visitors.
Respect all their privileges. Se^i that their evenings out, and tlieir
homp: etiquette. 179
precious Sunday afternoons are not encroached upon. Give them all
the needed opportunity to attend their own place of worship. See
that children of the family are respectful toward them, not disturbing
them at their work; prefacing their requests with "please," and
thanking them for any favor.
Rights of Others.
Respect the rights of all members of the household. Remember
that each one has a perfect right to open his or her own correspond-
ence. No difference if one is ready to confide the contents of the
letter the moment it is read, there is still a pleasure in opening one's
own correspondence.
Respect the belongings of another, no matter how close the
relationship. The careful member of the family suffers at seeing his
belongings misused and destroyed by the careless one. Discourage
borrowing among the members of a f miily. Teach each one to have
all necessary articles of their own and to cire for them properly.
Guests in a fmiily should also be very careful in this respect.
Boxes, drawers, or any repositories of any kind, should be scrupu-
lously respected. Private papers, even if not protected by lock and
key, should not be glanced at. A due observance of these rules,
while making home life pleasanter, might in after years lead to a little
less tampering with the larger rights of law and propert)-, f)r"man
ners are but the shadows of great virtues."
mm
TEAN PAUL RICHTER, in his great work on education {fwvaiir),
I intimates that we scarcely realize the momentous possibilities that
J lie all about us folded up in the heart of childhood, as the blush-
ing petals of the beauteous blossom )'et to be lie folded close
within the sheltering calyx.
" Do you know," he queries, " whether the little boy who plucks
flowers at your side ma}' not one da\', from his island of Corsica,
descend as a war-god into a stormy universe to play with hurricanes
for destruction, or to purif)' and plant the world with harvests?"
And just because we do not know the extent of tliese possibilities,
children must be carefully trained to fill whatever post or province
ma}' be theirs in the time to come.
Now, they are in our hands to mold as we will ; then, they will be the
masters, and much of the character of their sway will depend upon the
guidance of the present. Viewed in this light, the manners and tlic
morals of children, closely associated as they are, become of the greatest
importance to the world.
Power of Example.
Teach the embryo man or woman, in the nursery, the traits, the
habits, the customs of the best etiquette, and you have stamped upon
them, at an age when the chriracter is impressible as wax, not onl}'
the outer semblance, but, in a great degree, the inner reality, of a true
man or woman.
Let the children grow up in a home where rude gestures, or
ill-tempered words are unknown, where truthfulness, kindliness, for-
1«0
ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 181
gctfulncss of self and careful consideration of others, permeates the very
atmosphere, and they will go forth into the world armed with the integ-
rity in which all men may trust, the polish that will win them admiration,
and the true refinement that will render their friendship elevating.
See, also, that there is perfect unaii!mity between the parents as to
the government and instruction of the children in the household, and,
if any difference should arise, it should be settled in private. Children,
being strongly imitative, are best taught by example. Never reprove
unless absolutely nece. 5ary, and never let the voice rise excitedly to
ensure obedience. By keeping your own voice low and calm, you do
much toward lowering the key of their high-pitched, childish treble,
and soothinij the troubled waters of their souls.
■fc>
Keeping Promises.
Never permit yourself to threaten where you do not perform,'
children arc quick to learn the value of your promises, and place very
accurate estimates, in their own minds, as to what their parents will,
or will not do under given circumscances. Absolute truthfulness can
never be taught a child by precept, when by constant example he is
taught that the wort! of his parents has little or no value in his own
case, so far as threats and punishments, or even rewards, extend. If
a punishment is the penalty for a broken law, see that it is inflicted ;
if a reward is promised, be sure that it is given.
Enjoin upon children strict justice in their dealings one with another,
even in their games, never allowing the stronger to impose upon the
weak, but teaching forbearance and tenderness in all their actions.
Talebearing.
Discourage, as far as possible, all talebearing in the home, and, as
a rule, do not listen to complaints, and long recitals of injuries received
from little playfellows. Care in this respect will nip in the bud the
tendency toward exaggeration and talebearing that so early Jevclops
in a child, and so soon matures into the "gossip" of rip^r years.
This demand for exactitude in childish statements will pave the wa.y
182 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.
for strictly truthful declarations in the more important affairs of latci
life, redounding thus to the lasting benefit of the individual and the
community.
Truthfulness.
The least approach toward prevarication, or concealment of their
childish misdemeanors, should be treated as a grave fcmlt. To prevent,
as far as possible, all attempts at disguising the truth, penalties for
faults should rarely be of so severe a nature that the little transgressor
''csorts to evasion through fear of the consequences.
Respectfulness.
Children should be taught to be respectful toward their parents and
others older than themselves, to be polite towards those of their own
age, and very thoughtful for the comfort of the sick and weak.
Respect must also be shown toward servants and dependants, and no
unnecessary demands made upon their time or services.
Obedience.
Prompt obedience should always be demanded of a child, and the
spirit of murmuring and questioning firmly repressed. None can
command except they have first learned to obey.
Do not allow children to tease, nor, having once refused on good
and sufficient ground, suffer your consent to be gained by seige.
Make your refusal final, but do not refuse thoughtlessly, or for mere
capri'^e. The wishes of a child are as real to him as those of grown
people are to them.
Manner of Address.
Rudeness and abruptness must never be tolerated in the manners
of a child. "Yes," and •' no," in reply, and "what?" in interrogatory
are uncouth and disagreeable in sound. "Yes, sir," "Yes, ma'am,'
and "What, ma'am," are much better substituted, but even these are
open to criticism. English etiquette relegates "Sir" and "Ma'am"
to the use of servants, save in case of addressing the highe. nobility
when "Sir" is sometimes used.
THE NURS.DRY.
183
181 ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN.
The liottcr and more i^raccful etiquette of the clay would teach a
child to say, "Yes, mamma," "No, papa;" or a student at school to
address the teachers as, "Yes, Prof. Stanley," " No, Miss Living-
stone." If they f lil to understand a remark, a quick, " Beg pardon,"
or, "I beg your pardon," or even, "I did not understand," can soon
be taught to even childish lips and never be forgotten as they advance
to maturity. The use of " Please," and "Thank you," or, "I thank
you," (never the thankless "Thanks,") should be early impiessed upon
their minds.
Teach them never to speak of grown people without prefixing
"Mr,", "Mrs.", or "Miss," to their name. It is very objectionable
for a child to fdl into the habit of saying "Brown did so and so,"
instead of, "Mr. Brown, etc." Insist, too, that at school they shall
never say "Teacher," but address their preceptor by his proper name.
Impress upon children that they must answer politely when spoken
to, but strictly repress any tendency on their part toward questioning
visitors at the house. 1 1 ere let it be added, for the benefit of their
ciders, that nothing can be a surer evidence of ill-breeding than for a
grown person to question a child in regard to his family ^ Pairs.
Interrupting Conversation.
Never permit children to interrupt the conversation of their elders,
and see, as a preparation for this, that among the little ones them-
selves, one who has a story to tell is permitted to finish without an
impatient brother or sister breaking in with his, or her, version of the
same tale. See that each has his turn and many of the n<.Msy dis-
agreements of the playroom will thus be done away with.
Insist, too, upon the lowering of each eager little voice, and a long
step will have been taken toward doing away with the high-I«eyed
voices and the all-talking-togethcr habits that afflict so many of *heir
elders.
See, too, that the children, while not allowed to interrupt the con-
versation of grown persons, receive in some degree the same considera-
tion from them. In other words, let the children talk sometimes, ^nd
ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN. 185
listen to tlicm sincerely and respectfully. There is no better way to
train a child in courtesy than to observe toward it the most scrupulous
politeness, and a child whose own conversation is respected can be
easily taught to respect the conversation of others, and to know when
to talk and when to be silent.
This habit of listening, inculcated in childhood, will do much
toward forming agreeable members of society in after years. If a
guest should converse with a child for a moment, watch that it does
not make itself tiresome by engaging his or her entire attention.
"Showing Off."
Never "show off" children to visitors. It fosters in them a feehng
of vanity, and is often very tedious t(^ the persons upon whom it is
inflicted, it being barely possible that your own estimate of their bril-
liancy is not shared by outsiders.
Neither should strangers be allow^cd, under any circumstances, at
home or abroad, to tease a child "just for fun." Its angry answ'ers
may be amusing, but the practice is one that works irreparable injury
to the child. As soon as this tendency is discovered in a visitor, send
the child quietly, but firmly, from the room, remarking casually, when
it is gone, "that children are apt to be troublesome when they talk
too much."
Reproof Before Others.
Never, unless it is absolutely unavoidable, reprove a child in the
presence of strangers. To do this injures their feeling of self-respect.
It is an annoyance to the visitor also. While it frequently happens
that a word of timely admonition is necessary, all extended reproof
should be left until alone with the child.
Cleanliness and Order.
Insist upon cleanliness in dress, and teach the children early that
their hair should be combed, their teeth and finger-nails clean, and
their clothing fresh and neat upon all occasions.
Teach the boys that their shoes should be polished and free from
l«n ETIQUETTE EOR CHILI )REN.
dust, and their clothes thoroughly brushed. Slippers should be fur-
nished boys f(jr house wear, and the importance of using a door-mat
before entering should be early impressed upon both girls and boys.
Te;ich them also order antl care as to their personal belongings, and
the lessons of neatness thus early inculcated will be of untold value in
their after life.
Home Hints.
Cultivate in children the habit of assuming pleasing attitudes. Do
not let them constantly lounge about over chairs, couches and tablc-^
and their company manners will not then be a terror in the house
Teach them the proper use of a handkerchief, and insist that they
observe it.
Instruct them what to do with their hands and feet, never twisting
the former, or swinging the latter. Never permit them to scratch the
head or person, to clean ears or finger nails, or to use a toothpick in
public. Teach them to suppress a yawn or to conceal the mouth with
the hand.
Do not let them pass in front of people in a room, or, if from the
arrangement of the furnitnre it is impossible to avoid so doing, let them
ask to be excused.
If they should accidently tread upon the toes, or otherwise disturb
a guest, teach them at once to apologize with an "Excuse me," or,
** I beg your pardon." Do not permit them to slam doors, or to shout
up and down stairs. Never allow requests or messages to be called
from one end of the house to the other ; insist upon a child coming
mto the room with whatever he or she may have to say.
Impress upon boys and girls not to stare at others, nor to take any
apparent notice of personal peculiarities, deformities, or oddities of
dress or demeanor. Teach the children always to play a fair game
upon the plaj^ground, and not to lose their tempers over any little
difference of opinion that may arise during its course.
Do not allow them to be cruel in their treatment of animals ; to do
so, is to deliberately teach them habits of cruelty for a lifetime and
render them brutal in disposition.
ETIQUETTE FOR CHILDREN'. 187
"Visiting."
Cliiklrcn should not be allowccl to "visit" other cliilclrcn solely
upon the request of the ehilclrcn. The invitdtion shoultl eoine from
the parents. Otherwise great annoyanee may result from such
unconsidered calls.
Do not take chiUlren ^\hile making formal visits. Tliey are often
ui iUinoNMnce, and al\va}S a check upon conversation. If they must
be taken, I'.o not .illow them to mctldle with anything in the room,
nor to interrupt the conversation. Neither should they be permitted
Lo hcUidle tb.e belongings, or finger the attire, of callers at the house.
Do not take them to art galleries, artist's or sculptor's studios, and
nevjr allow them to meddle with goods in stores.
Slang, Profanity, Intemperance.
Slang should be eliminated, as much <is possible, from the house-
hold vocabular\'. Boys should I)e taught that profanity, or vulgarity
in expression, f u- from being manly, only lowers them in the estima-
tion of all sensible people.
It should also be early impressed upon them that there is danger in
the use of liquor in any form, as well as folly in falling into the
tobacco habit.
At Table.
Punctuality ;it the table should be taught first of all. The little
table observ^ances so necessary to refinement of manner should be
early inculcated. Table manners (see proper department) should be
taught at the earliest age that the child is capable of appearing at the
table. The proper use of knife, fork, spoon and napkin should be
impressed upon their minds from the first, and much after annoyance
will be saved.
Teach them to eat quietly without any noise of mastication, swallow-
ing or drinking being audible. Insist upon their sitting still while
waiting to be served and not to play with knife, napkin ring or other
small articles on the table.
188 ETIQUETTE FOR CIIILT)RE>C.
Insi\t upon their brcakiivT bread, instead of cutting it, and never to
))ic:k u]) one piece of bread or cake from the plate and then exchan<^e
it for another,
Teacli them to eat fruit properly, to use fin^^er bowls, if such arc
provided, and to keep their lips closed as much as possible while
• ■aliuL^. Teach them to pass a pitcher with the hantlle toward the
one served, and not to eat with one hand and pass some article with
the other.
See that they do not eat too fast — both health and appearances
beiuL^ considered in this item — and that they do not talk with thei'
mouths full. Teach them to turn away their heads and cover thei.
mouth with their hand, if obliged to cough, sneeze or yawn at table,
and, as soon as possible, require them to suppress these exhibitions,
Never let them pick their teeth at the table, or lounge upon it with
their elbows while eating.
Leaving the Table.
If children must leave the table before the meal is over, thev should
ask to be excusetl, and should never rise with their mouth full. When
they have once left the table, do not, as a rule, permit them to return,
for a child soon falls into the habit, if permitted, of leaving the table to
play, and returning to complete his meal.
Teach children not to complain of the food set before them ; but, at
the same time, if a child has known likes or dislikes, they should be,
to a certain extent, gratifietl, since, to some delicately constituted tem-
peraments, a compelled partaking of some obn.oxious dish is a real
torture. Teach them also to acquire a liking for as large a variety of
food as possible. In after life, on many occasions, this may be a great
convenience.
In conclusion, let it be added that the Department on Home Eti-
quette should b'j read in connection with this, especially the section
devoted to children. See to it carefully that children are not taught
one code of manners for company use, and permitted to exercise no
mamiers for home use.
m^
?^
'lir.z
a
•s
i*' AN is essentially a dinini;
animal. Creatures of the
inferior races eat and drink ;
only man dines!" And he should do it properly.
" To invite a friend to dinner," says Brillat
Savarin, "is to beeome responsible for his happiness so long as he is
urder your roof."
If, therefore, any lady would entertain her friends in the best man
ner that her means permit, it will be well for jier to understand the
routine of the table herself, and never trust entirely to the skill of an
ordinary cook. It is hardly to be expected that she should under-
stand the preparation of each dish, but she must be capable of judging
it when served. If she distrusts her own power of arranging a viciiu,
and seeing it properly carried out, the dinner should be ordered from
the best of caterers. Then, with full assurance of perfect cookery, and
f.'ultless service, one may prepare one's list of favored guests with a
peaceful conscience and a mind free from care.
Invitations.
Forms of invitations suited to all classes of dinners, have been jrivcn
at length in the department devoted to that subject, and acceptances
and regrets for the same carefully explained, together with the obliga-
tion upon every one to answer all such invitations at once, either in
the affirmative or negative. Since a dinner is, in all respects, sc
important a social event that the least one can do is to signify imme-
diately one's course of action, Sidney Smith was not so far out of the;
vray when he burlesqued the solemnity of the occasion, and the
189
19(^ DINNER GIVING
aversion that all dinner-givers have to an empty chair, when he wit-
tily wrote : "A man should, if he die after liaving accepted an invita-
tion to dinner, leave his executors a solemn charge to fill his place."
Host and Hostess.
The hostess is expected to put lier guests, as much as possible, at
their ease. She must encourage the timid, and watch tlie require-
ments of all. No accident must ruffle her temper. In sliort, she
must, for the time, be that perfect woman who is —
"Mistress of hers-^lf though china fall."
She must not seem to watch her servants ; she must not scold
them. Her brow must remain smooth through all embarrassing
hitches, her smile be bright and quick, her attentions close and
complimentary to her guests.
On the host devolves the dutv of drawing out anv o( the i::uesLS
with whose particular specialties he is acquainted, and his manners,
too. must at least simulate ease, if he ha\e it not. Let host and
hostess refrain from boasting of the price of any article of food upon
the table.
Whom to Invite.
Ail the tact and good breeding at the command of the hostess
should be exercised, first in choosing, then in arranging, the guests to
be present. Not too many are to be bidden to the ordinary dinner ;
si.x, eight and twelve are desirable numbers, and four frequently forms
the cosiest party imaginable.
The reason of thus arranging for even numbers arises frori the fact
that, in a mixed dinner party, it is well to have as many ladies as
p.mtlemen. The conversation will then be prevented from dropping
into long, or heated, discussions, both of which are destructive of
pleasure. It will also be found pleasant to invite the young, and
those of more advanced years, together for an occasion of thi? sort.
Large parties may be made very enjoyable, but where there are
more than eight or ten at table general conversation becomes impnic-
DINNER GIVING. 191
ticable. Twenty-four, and even thirty, guests, however, when well
selected, may make a ver\' brilliant and successful gathering. Too
brilliant a conversationalist is not alwa)s a desirable acquisition, since
he may silence and put in the shade the remainder of che company to
r-n extent that is hardly agreeable even to the meekest among them.
A small dinner of one's most intimate friends is easily arranged.
A.n eminent artist, author, musician, to pose as chief guest, renders it
always easy to select among one's other acquaintances a sufficient
number who would be pleased with, and pleasing to, this bright, par-
ticular star. Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom the
courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a sufficient
number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make
the occasion a success.
There is also the satisfaction of knowing that, as one cannot pos-
sibly invite all of one's dear five hundred friends to a little dinner, no
one can be offended at being left out, thus rendering it eas\' to choose
one's list lo fit the circumstances.
Do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably scat.
Nothing s-" spoils a dinner as crowding the guests.
Seating the Guests.
Since, at no social entertainment are the guests so dependent upon
one another for mutual entertainment as at a dinner, ooth by reason
of its smallness and the compactness of arrangement, it will be seen
that an equal care devolves upon the hostess in seating as in inviting
her guests.
The most tedious of one's friends can be tolerated at a party whers
it is possible to turn to others for relief, but to be chained for two or
three hours, with the necessity upon you of talking, or trying to talk,
to the same dull or conceited individual that the fates have unkindly
awarded as your companion, is a severe social strain upon equanimity
of soul.
Hence, each hostess should strive to so arrange her guests that
Uke-minded people should be seated together, and people with hob-
192 DINNER GIVING.
bi«is should cither be handed over to those Hkewisc possessed, or into
the hands of some sympathetic listener, thus securin<^ the pleasure of
all.
Known enemies should be seated as far apart as possible, and, in
reality, should never be in\ited to the same dinner. If this should
inadvertently happen, they must remember that common respect for
their hostess dtMiiands that they recognize one another with ordinary
politeness.
Laying the Table.
Much has been said upon this subject in the department of " Table
Etiquette," and as layin«^ the table formally for a state affair approaches
so nearly the proper setting of the home table, much will be found
there that is available upon this important topic.
The table, which, since the introtluction of the exterrsion, is no
longer the cosy round form which brought the guests so comfortably
near one another, should be first coxcred with heavy felting, or double
Canton flannel. Over this is to be laid the heaviest, snowiest damask
cloth that the linen closet affords. This shoukl have been faultlessly
laundried, and is accompanied by large, fine napkins matching the
cloth in design. These should be \er\* simph' folded, and without
.starch, and are laid just beyond the plate toward the center of the tal)le.
Square is the best form for folding, and each should contain a small
thick piece of bread in its folds. This should be about three inches
long and at least an inch thick. This is to be eaten with the .soup, not
crumbed into it. A roll sometimes takes its place. Some hostesses
have the bread passed in a silver basket.
A plate is furnished each place, large enough to contain tlie
Majolica plate for raw oysters. Of course a small plain plate may be
used for these, but those designed for the purpose are much more
elegant. A tiny, fancy salt is provided for each place (see farther in
"Table Etiquette").
Two kniv^es, three forks, and a soup spoon, all of silver, are placed
at each plate. Some dinner-givers i)lace the knives, forks, and spoon,
all on the right side of the plate, excepting the small, peculiarly-
DINXER GIVING. 193
shaped oyster fork, which is placed at the lefl, it having been decided
that raw oysters shall be eaten with the fork in the left hand, pront^s
down.
Still other hostesses place the knives and spoon at the right liand,
the forks at the left, the oyster fork diagonally, with the prongs cross-
ing the handles of the others, the law of their arrangement being
nowise immutable in its nature.
Silver, glass, and china, should all be of the brightest. At the right
hand of each guest shouhl be placed an engraved glass for water. To
make certain th::t these are in line all around, it is well to measure
with the hand from the edge of the table to the tip of the niddle
finger and there place the glass ; following this rule around the entire
circumference. This glass, if wine is used, gives a center, found
which the vari-colored wine-glasses may be grouped.
A Well-Furnished Sideboard.
The sideboard should contain relays of knives, forks, and spoons, in
rows ; glasses, dinner plates, finger l)owls standing on the fruit
plates, as well as any othi'r accessories th.it may be needed. At
another sideboard, or table, the head waiter, or the butler, does the
carving. If the room is small, this last maybe relegated to hcdl or
pantry.
In luxurious houses the sideboards are often devoted to bewildering
displays of rare china, ;md cut glass, but in more modest domiciles
they are used simply for the needs of the hour.
Water caraL-s (water bottles) arc placed between every two or three
guests. The table shoukl be laid in time, — thus, if the dinner is to be
at seven, all things should be in readiness on table and sideboard at
six o'clock ; this course preventing the slightest confusion. If the
dinner napkins are to be changed for sm.iller ones, these also should
be laid in readiness. All the cold dishes, salads, relishes, condiments,
etc., should also be on han:l.
The most elegant tables frequently have a long mat, or scarf, of
ruby, or some other colored plush, with fringed and embroidered ends.
13
104 DINNER GIVING.
laid tlic entire length down through the center of the table. Thi.s
affords a charming contrast to the snowy napery, and sets the kvjynotc
of color for the floral decorations. The center decorative pieces are
now no longer high, thus rendering a glimpse of the person opposite
almost impossible, but are low and long.
A mirror, framed in silver, may be set in the center of one of these
plush mats ; and upon this artistically arranged floral decorations are
placed to be reflected in its j)olished depths. Where massive silver
table-wares are heirlooms in the family, they are used, despite their
height. Center pieces that are recent purchases, are usually of glass,
cut and jewelled, until their brilliancy is a marvel in the lamplight.
Table Decorations.
Where the resources of the dinner-giver are limited, the simple
decoration of a few flowers arranged in a fanciful basket, or a rare old
bowl filled with roses, is sufficient, and is far more indicative of taste
and breeding than many of the set floral pieces fresh from the florist's
hand, and speaking more eloquently of the size of his bill, than of taste
or appropriateness.
The fancy of the hour, and a pretty one it is, is for massing one
variety of flower for decorative purposes. Banks of crimson roses
down the center of the snowy cloth, or great clusters of vivid red
flowers, can be very effectively employed. Shells may be filled with
flowers and used as a table decoration. A large one in the middle,
and a smaller one on each side, has a pleasing eficct. At each plate
a small bouquet of flowers may be laid, those for the gentlemen
arranged as buttonholes.
In choosing the flowers for decorations, av^oid those blossoms
having a heavy fragrance, such as the tuberose, jasmines, syringas, as
their penetrating odor is productive of faintness in some, and is disa-
greeable to many, while roses, lilies, lilacs, and many other delicately-
scented blossoms, are pleasant to all.
Naturalness is to be aimed at in these decorations, ..nd set floral
pieces are in bad taste at a private dinner. Though hundreds of
DINNER GIVING. 19».
df)ll;irs may have boon spent in the flcctins^ loveliness of flowers, the
effect to i)e aimed at is naturalness rather tiian tlisplay. A border of
holly, or ivy leaves freshly gathered, may be sewed around the plush
scarf through the center of the table, and is a beautiful decoration, far
outshining gold embroidery and lace.
Harmonize the color of this scarf with the decorations of the dinintr-
room. Blue, however, or green, docs not light up well, while ruby,
or some other red, brings out the effect of glass, china, and silver to
the best advantage. Old gold, or olive-brown, is also ver\' j)rett)'.
The dining-room should be carpeted to deaden the sound of foot-
steps.
Lighting the Table.
Gas is, perforce, the most common, but not by any means the most
aesthetic means of table illumination, because of its heating and glar-
ing qualities. Wax candles are extremely pretty with tissue shades
to match the prevailing tint of the other decorations, besides giving
an opportunity for displaying all manner of pretty conceits in can-
delabra. About twenty -SIX candles will, all other conditions being
favorable, light a table for twelve guests. Much depends, however,
on whether the dining-room is finished in light or dark woods as to
the number of cimdles required. Very carefully filled and carefully
cared-for lamps of pretty designs are also, especially in country places,
an admirable method of lighting the table.
Serving the Dinner.
There are two methods of performing this most important function
of the entire dinner, namely, service a la Riissc, and the American
service. The first named, the Russian service, is universally adopted
in all countries at dinners where the re(|uisite number of sufficiently
well-trained servants are to be had.
This service, which, consists in having all articles of food carved,
and otherwise prepared, and brought to the guests separately by
waiters, or footmen, as they are called in England at private tables,
has the advantage of leaving the host and hostess free to converse
196 DINNER GIVING.
with their guests. It also has another advantage of presenting the
table, as the guests enter the room, free from dishes, save the oyster
plates, glass, silver, flowers, and perhaps at the two ends of the board,
Bohemian glass flagons, of ruby-red, eontaining such decanted wines
as do not need icing.
The table also, being so carefully cleared at th( end of each course,
should present about the same faultless appearance at the close of the
feast as at its beginning. The guests being seated at their respective
places. Majolica plates containing raw oysters on the half-shell, or
otherwise, with a piece of lemon in the center are, if not already in
place, immediately put before each guest. The roll, or piece of bread,
should be at once removed from tlie folds of the napkin, and the ser-
vants, when all are seated, pass red and black pepper. The oyster
plates are then removed and plates of soup follow, dished from a side
table by the head waiter, and served by two others, who pass down
opposite sides of the table carrying each two dishes. Where two
kinds of soup are provided, each guest is given the choice.
How the Dishes are to be Passed.
The servants, in passing the dishes, begin with the guest upon the
right hand of the master on one side of the table, ending with the
mistress of the house. Upon the other side they begin with the guest
upon her right and end with the host. As one servant passes the
meat or fish, another should follow, bearing the appropriate sauce or
vegetable that accompanies it.
The servants should wear thin-soled shoes, .step lightly, be
ungloved, and always have a small-sized damask napkin wrapped
around the thumb of the right hand, as dexterity in handling the
dishes requires that they should extend the thumb over the edge of
the dish.
They should pass all dishes at the left of the guests, that their right
hand may be free to take them. Wines only are excepted, these
being always poured at the right. Servants should never lean across
any guest at table in order to reach or pass an article.
DINNER (IIVING. 197
In passing an entree (ongtray), which is simply a dish served in the
first course after fish, the dish should be supplied with a silver spoon
and fork and held low enough so that the guests can help themselves
easily. Entries follow the roasts sometimes, as wel^ as, or instead
of, coming after fish. Sweetbreads and croquettes come under this
head. These require hot plates.
The soup removed, which should be done quickly as possible, fish
should be immediately served, together with whatever vegetables form
the accompaniment. When these plates are removed the roast meats
are served on hot plates. One vegetable is usually served with each
meat course, and occasionally some vegetable forms a course by
itself. This, however, only lengthens out the repast, and is not to be
recommended.
A fresh plate is served with each course, it being the rule that no
two meals should be eaten from the same plate.
Serving the Different Courses.
Game forms the ne.St oirsc, with such sauces and accompani>
ments as are desired. The salad follows and usually forms a course
by itself, accompanied by crackers, or thinly buttered half slices of
brown bread. These are usually passed in a silver breadbasket.
Roman punch, when it is served, comes between the roasts and the
game, thus preparing the palate for the new flaNor. Cheese follows
the salad sometimes, and sometimes accompanies it. Then the ices
and sweets. When the ices are removed, the desert plates, overlaid
with a dainty doily, upon which is set a finger-bowl, are passed, and
the fruits appear. Confections are tlien served, to be followed with
black coffee in tiny after-dinner coffee-cups, which are passed on a
salver, together with lump sugar, and small gold or silver spoons; no
cream. The strong, French Cafe et iioir, or black coffee, is always
used.
If liquors arc served they come in here, a decanter of Cognac being
frequently handed around with the coffee.
Jellies for the meats, relishes sugh as olives, celery and radishes ;
198 DINNKR GIVING.
all the sharp sauces and condiments which arc to be used during the
meal, are on a sideboard, together with a silver breadbasket contain-
ing a reserve of bread.
The butler should have some means of signalling for anything
wanted by means of a bell that rings in the kitchen, also of letting the
cook know when it is time to send up another course.
Guests, while not expected to ask for second helpings of any course,
are alwaj's permitted to ask for renewed supplies of bread, watei
or champagne when wished.
All dishes are to be removed (piietly, and either placed in a dumb-
waiter or given in charge of a maidservant just outside the door. If
it is necessary to have any dishes or silver used again, they must be
cleansed out of sight and hearing of the guests, as also no odor of
cookery must reach the dining-room. Large, flat baskets must be in
readiness to transport the china and silver to the kitchen.
To wait at a large dinner the attendants should average one to every
tliree people: hence, it will be well for the small household to engage
outside attendance. Verv skilful servants have been known to success-
fully attend to as many as six guests, but one must be sure of this
beforehand.
The Menu.
It will be seen after a perusal of this that the order of the formal,
modern dinner a la Riissc, is very much as follows : Oysters, soup,
fish, roast, entrees, Roman punch, game, salad and cheese, dessert,
fruits, sweets, coffee. To make this clearer, one bill of fare will be
given as an example, always rememi)ering that the number of courses
may be lessened in order to suit the taste or purse of the host. Many
courses are not a necessity, but the finest quality and the best of
cookery should mark each dish served.
Every dinner should begin with soup, to be followed by fish, and
include some kind of game. To this order there is no repeal, since
"soup is to the dinner," says De la Regnier, "what the portico is to
the building or the overture is to an opera." From this there is never
any deviation.
DINNER GIVING. 199
A standard bill of fare for a wcll-rcgulatcd dinner is as follows:
Oysters on the Half-shell. Mock Turtle Soup.
Salmon with Lobster Sauce. .Cucumbers. Chicken Croquettes.
Tomato Sauce. Roast Lamb with .Sj)inach.
Canvas-back Duck. Celery. Strin<^ Beans served on Toast.
Lettuce Salad. Cheese Omelet.
Pineapple Bavarian Cream. Charlotte Russe.
Ices. Fruits. Coffee.
Each course may be served on dishes different from the other
courses ; also fancy dishes, unlike any of the rest, may be used to pass
relishes, such as olives, and add greatly to the beauty of the table
service. Suitable sets for fish and game, decorated in accordance, arc
greatly to be admired.
Menu holders are frequently very pretty, and upon the menu card
itself much taste and expense are sometimes lavished. Still it is not
considered good taste to have them at every plate, for the reason that
it savors too much of hotel style. The guests are expectec^ to allow
their glasses to be filled at every course. If it is something for which
they do not care, they may content themselves with a few morsels of
bread and a sip or two of water until the next course is served. The
host should always have a menu at his plate, that he may see if the
dinner is moving properly in its appointed course.
Favors.
Very pretty favors besides flowers are frequently laid at the ladies'
plates to serve as souvenirs of the occasion. The location card or
name card may be very beautifully painted. Other articles, such as
decorated Easter eggs of plush, velvet, or satin handkerchief holders,
fans, painted satin bags, etc., are all in good taste. Each of them, if
possible, is made to open and disclose some choice confection.
They may be ordered in quantity from some house dealing in such
articles, or many of them can be prettily and inexpensively devised at
home by any one having sufificient time and taste. Baskets of flowers,
200 niNNKR CIVINC.
with bows of bro;ul satin ribbon tied on one side the handle, are also
suitable for both ladies and gentlemen.
Gentlemen's favors are usually useful, such as scarf pins, sleeve
buttons, small purses, etc.
Wines, and How to Serve Them.
Fortunately, since more than once the first lady in our land, for the
time beinj^, has proven to us b)' example that the stateliest of dinners
may be wineless, it is fir from necessary that wuie should be served.
Still, if wines are to be used, they should be brou<^ht on correctly,
each wine havini^ its proper place in the varied courses of a dinner, as
each note has its fit position in a chord of music.
By long-established custom certain wines have come to be taken
with certain dishes. " Sheriy and Sauterne," as given by a very good
authority, *' go with simp and fish ; Hock and Claret with roast
meats ; Punch with turtle ; Champagne with sweet breads or cutlets ;
Port with venison ; Port or l^urgundy with other game ; sparkling
wines between the meats and the confectionery ; Madeira with
sweets ; Port with cheese ; Sherry and Claret, Port, Tokay and
Madeira with dessert."
Red wines should never be iced, even in summer ; Claret and Bur-
gundy should al\va)s be slightU' warmed (left in a warm room is
sufficient). Claret-cup and Champagne are iced (some epicures object
to this). Cool the wines in the bottles. To put clear ice in the
glasses is sim])ly to weaken the quality and flavor of the wine, and, as
a matter of fact, to serve wine and water.
The glasses for the various wines are usually grouped at the right
of the plate, and as different styles and sizes are used for different
wines, it is well for the novice to be accustomed to these in order to
avoid the awkwardness of putting forward the wrong glass. High and
narrow, also very broad and shallow glasses, are used for Champagne ;
large, goblet -shaped glasses for Burgundy and a ruby-red glass for
Claret ; ordinary wine glasses for Sherry and Madeira ; green Bohe-
mian glasses for Hock ; and large, bcll-shapcd glasses for Port.
DINNFR (IIVINC. 201
Port, Sherry and Madeira are decanted. Hock and Champagne
appear in their native bottles. Claret and liurj^amdy are handed
around in a claret jug. In handing a bottle fresh from the ice-chest
the waiter wraps a napkin around it to absorb the moisture.
Coffee and liquors should be handed around when tiie dessert has
been about a quarter of an hour on the table. After this the ladi.s
usually retire, a custom that has happily fdlen into disrepute, the
coffee being served without the liquors, and ladies ant! gentlemen par-
taking of it together. Roman punch is served in all manner of dainty
conceits as to glass, imitations of flowers, etc.
Never allow servants to overfill the wine glasses. Ladies never
empty their glasses, anil usually take but one kind of wine. This is
especially true of young ladies, who, very often, ilo not taste their one
glass.
Gracefully Declined.
If wine is not desired from principle, merely touching the brim of
the glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant
needs. A still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and allow
it to stand untasted at your plate. In responding to a health, it is
ungracious not to, at least, lift the glass and lets its contents touch the
lips.
Never make your refusal of wine conspicuous. Your position as
guest in no wise appoints you a censor of your host's conduct in offer-
ing wine at his table, and an)' marked feeling displayed <mi the subject
would simply show a want of consideration and good breeding.
A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often
marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine.
If there is but one wine served with a simpjlc dinner, it should be
Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The
guests can help themselves ; the hostess can offer it immediately after
soup.
The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The
butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus
gloves, quietly says, " Dinner is served," or, as in France, " Madame
202 DINNKR (IIVING.
is served." Better still, ho catches the eye of the hostess and simply
bows, whereupon she imniedi.itely rises, and the guests following iier
ex.imple, the order of the i)rocession to the dining-room is formed at
onee. The waiters, aside from the head one, arc usually in livery.
Order of Precedence.
In the matter of going out to diinur the liost takes precedence,
giving his right arm to the most jionored lady guest. If the dinner
is given in honor of any particular guest, she is the one chosen, if
not, any bride that may be present, or the oldest lady, or some visitor
from abroad. The other guests then fall in line, gentlemen having
had their partners pointed out to them, and wherever necessary, intro-
ductions are given. The hostess comes last of all, having taken the
arm of the gentleman most to be honored. In the dining-room no
precedence is observed after the host, save that the younger couples
draw back and allow tlu-ir elders to be seated. Precedence of rank is
not as common here as in ICuropc.
On entering the door, if it is nut wide enough to permit of two
entering abreast, the gentleman falls back a step and permits the
lady to enter first. All remain standing until the hostess seats her-
self, when the guests find their places, either by means of name cards
at their plates, or by a few quiet tlirections, the gentlemen being seated
last. The highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the
hostess, the next, at her left, and for ladies at the right and left of
their host.
The hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet, and
neither host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation.
To draw out the guests, to lead the conversation in pleasant channels,
to break up long discussions, and to discover all possibilities of bril-
liancy in the company around their board, should be their aim.
The hostess must never press dishes upon her guests, but they arc
permitted, if they wish, to praise any viand that has pleased them.
The hostess must appear to be eating until all the company have
finished, and her watchful eye must sec that every want is supplied.
DINNER GIVING. 203
At the close of the repast the hostess sh'^ditly bows to the lady at the
ri^'ht of the host, when all the guests rise and return in order to the
drawin<;-ro()ni.
Where gentlemen remain around the tal)le for that fraction of an
hour, —
**Across the walnuts and the wine,
all rise, and the gentlemen remain standing until the ladies leave the
room. The gentleman who had the lionor ')f escorting the hostess
into the table, walks with her to the door ; here she pauses to allow
the host's companion to pass through, when the host, who has
escorted her thither, returns to the table, the other gentlemen follow-
ing his example. The hostess is the last lady to leave the room,
whereupon her escort closes the door and returns to the table, where
the gentlemen group themselves carelessly at one ijnd of the table,
for that half hour of conversation and cigars. Where wine is not
used the gentlemen frequently remain behind for smoking, and some
hosts immediately withdraw with them to the smoking-room. Coffee
is frequently served in the drawing-room, where the ladies have had
their little chat after the return thither of the gentlemen.
Informal and Easy.
The hostess, assisted by a daughter, or a young lady friend, usually
pours the beverage, and the gentlemen pass it around to the ladies,
thus forming the most delightfully informal groups for conversation.
Sugar is passed by a servant, or else the hostess drops two or three
lumps of it in each saucer, a sugar bowl, with sugar tongs, standing
beside her. Cream is not the correct thing for after-dinner coffee.
Very many hostesses, however, prefer to have coffee and fruits
finish the table menu, after which the entire party retire to the draw
ing-room, where, for the half or three-quarters of an hour preceding
their departure, soft music from some hidden orchestra may be per-
mitted to fill the air with harmony. Occasionally, a little programme
is arranged of music and song, to fill this interval. But, in many
ci:.ses, and wisely, conversation is the preferred ^entertainment.
204 DINNER GIVING.
«
French Ter-ns.
Good taste now dictates that the bill of fatv^, wnere one is printed
or written, should be couched in the "King's English," yet, one is so
frequently thrown in positions where a knowledge of the French terms
so often used in such cases is somewhat of necessity, that a short
glossary of the same may be useful:
Menu Bill of fare.
Cafe et noir Black coffee.
Cafe an lait Coffee with milk.
A dinner begins with,
Huitres Oysters.
Followed by,
Potage Soup,
Hors (V lEUvrcs Dainty dishes,
Poison Fish,
Entrements Vegetables,
Roti Roast,
Entrees Dishes after roast,
Gibier Game,
Salades Salads,
Fruits et dessert Fruits and dessert,
Frontage Cheese,
Cafe Coffee.
Right or Left Arm ?
This is a disputed question, for the solution of which each party
gives valid reasons. Most gentlemen prefer to give the right arm,
since the seating of the lady is at the right side always ; but many,
to preserve the feudal significance of the custom that bade the good
knight keep his sword arm free for defence, if need be, offer the left.
Since, too, dinner gowns have usually a train to be managed as best
it may, ladies also prefer the tender of the left arm, as that leaves
their own left arm free to manage fho trailing, silken folds, The right
DINNER GIVING. 205
arm, however, has the balance of fav'or, though gentlemen are bound
to follow the example of their host as he precedes them to the dining-
room.
Further Hints.
Members of families should never be seated together. This rule
has no exceptions. A gentlemen should never forget the wants of
the lady under his charge, but the lady should remember not to
monopolize his attention exclusively. The gentleman is supposed to
be particularly attentive to the lady at his right, to pass the lady on his
left anything with which she may be unsupplied, and to be agreeable
to the lady opposite.
He will, even if a young man, feel it a mark of respect when he is
invited to take an elderly lady down, but if the hostess is careful for
the happiness of her guests, he will probably find a young lady at his
left hand. In selecting the number of guests, care should be taken
that it is not such as shall bring two ladies or two gentlemen together.
Odd numbers will do this, while even will not.
American Dinner Services.
The American dinner service is much more simple, and is the one
usually adopted in modest establishments in this country. One well-
trained maid should be able to render all the assistance required at the
table. Given the before-mentioned maid, a lady can, with previous
management, give a dinner as elegantly, and perhaps with more perfect
hospitality, than where the whole affair is relegated to the hands of an
experienced caterer.
In laying the table the same manner of arrangement is to be
observed as for dinner a la Russc\ save that there are more dishes on
the board and the decorations are placed with a view to leaving all the
space possible.
Celery is now served in low, flat dishes, and these, together with
olives and various relishes, may be placed on the table in all manner
of dainty, ornamental dishes. Large spoons for the next course are
also supplied.
200 DINNER GIVINrx.
Oysters arc in place wlien the i^iusts enter the room, and the servant
somclimes passes brown l)recicl to eat with them ; this is cut thin, but-
tered and folded. After passin<^ this it is replaced on the sideboard ;
water is then poured, when, beginning with the oyster plate of the
guest at the rit^ht of the host, she removes it, and the others, as
rapidly as possible, leaving the under plate.
Soup tureen, ladle, and plates, or bowls, are then placed before the
hostess and the maid, standing at her left hand, takes the plates one
by one, and passes them at the i^A't hand of guests. This accf)m-
plished, the tureen is removeil, and the host, havini,^ finished his soup,
is ready for the fish, which is placetl before him tt)i^ether with hot
plates, and potatoes in some form, accompanied or not by a salad.
Directions to Waiters.
The servant then proceeds to remove the soup-pl.ites and the plates
beneath. Bv this time the host has divided the fish, and, standinir at
his left hand, the maid takes the pkites as he fills them, and passes
them, serving first the guest at his right. A piece of fish, a potato,
and a little fish sauce, are placed on each plate. If both salad and
potato arc served rt the same course, })lace the salad dish before the
hostess and let lur serve it upon smill. extra plates or dishes. If
salad alone is served, it is usually placed upon the plate with the fish.
The fish-plattcr should now be removed. The plates ma)' also be
taken when it is seen there is no more need of them, beiiinnine with
those first served, as it is presumed they will have first finished, since
it is etiquette for each guest to begin eating so soon as the plate is
placed before him.
The next course is the roast. While the host is carving this, one
or more varieties of vegetables are set at hand. Portions of the meat
and the accompanying vegetable are placed on the same plate, and
the serv^ant passes them in the same order as before, and immediately
follows them with the second or thirtl vegetable dish, if two kinds
have been placed on the plate. This is where the gentleman sitting
next the lady on the host's right can help her and then himself, after-
DINNER r.IVING. 207
wards moving" it as she passes tlic plates, so that tlic other gentlemen
can do likewise.
If a double course is served, which is hartlly advisable, save at very
large dinners, the lighter dish is placed before the hostess, and the
servant presents each plate to her for a portion before passing it.
After this the courses do not move so rapidly and the maid remains
standing a little back at the left of the hostess' chair where she can
easily observe the slightest signal. The hostess signs when the plates
are to be removed, and the principal dishes are allowed to remain until
the course is finished.
In removing courses no idling up of dishes should be allowed.
One plate in each hand is all that can be conveniently managed.
After the fish, if other forks are not on the table, they must be sup-
plied for the next course. After the plates arc removed, the roast and
smaller dishes follow.
Salads and Desserts.
Sherbet, or wines, are served here, if at all. The game, or poultry,
comes next, salads or jelly accompanying it. The salad is placed
before the hostess. If salad is served in a separate course, it is
usually accompanied by cheese, and sometimes by small pieces of
brown bread, thinly buttered and folded.
This course finished, everything is removed from the table — plates,
dishes, relishes, etc. — crumbs brushed, and the principal dessert-dish
placed before the hostess together with every requisite for serving it.
The maid then passes the tart or pudding same as the other dishes,
taking two plates at a time, and beginning with the two ladies on
right and left of host, taking the others in order.
Each person, on receiving a plate in any course, begins to eat, since
this facilitates the servins/ of the dinner antl <>ives warm dishes to all.
The maid, during this course, quietly arranges the fruit-plates, finger-
bowls, and the after-dinner coffees and tiny spoons upon the side-
board, when she is ready to remove the dishes, and place the fruit-
plates in position. The coffees are then put at each guest's right,
208 DINNER GIVING.
unless they are to be served afterward in the drawing-room, and tlic
dinner service is virtually ended.
If wine is offered, it is served between the courses, the host helping
the lady at his right, and asking the gentleman next to do the same,
and so on around the table.
Both host and hostess should have been able to keep up an interest
in the conversation at table, and not to betray the slightest anxiety as
to the success of the affair. Host or hostess should never make dis-
paraging remarks as to the quality of dishes ; and still less should they
refer to their costliness, and should know beforehand as to the edire
of the carving-knife, as the use of a steel is not permissible.
The foregoing rules will be found to embody the simplest and most
correct method of serving a dinner a la American.
Dinner Dress.
Ladies dress elegantly, and in any manner, or color, that fancy or
becomingness may dictate. Corsages, however, while open at the
neck in either square, or heart-shaped fashion, are not as low-cut as
for a ball-dress, while the sleeves are usually of demi-length. Gloves
are always worn, and not removed until seated at the table. They
are not resumed afterward unless dancing fellows.
Very young ladies wear less expensive toilets of white or delicately
"inted wools, or light-weight silks.
Gentlemen are expected to wear the conventional evening dress.
To be gloved or not to be gloved is a v'exed question with them. It
is well to be provided with a pair of light glovss, and let your own
self-possession and the example of others decide for you at the
moment. A gentleman faultlessly gloved cannot go far wrong.
Coming and Going.
Promptness in arriving is a virtue, but remember that you have no
claim upon the time of your host or hostess, until ten or fifteen minutes
before the hour appointed, and, if you madvertently arrive too soon
you should remain in the dressing-room until very near the hour.
DINNER GIVING. 209
Departure is from half to three-quarters of an hour after the repast,
and no matter what the entertainment, eleven o'clock should find every
dinner guest departed.
Functions.
The practice of calling the ordinary reception, ball, party or dinner a
"function" is simply a bad habit It comes to us from England,
where a confusion of ideas has made this word the popular synonym
for any social happening. The error in England is perhaps pardon-
able, for the reason that very many of the society performances there
are actually functions, and in course of time the unlearned and the
careless have come to call every society performance a function. The
royal " drawing-rooms" (so-called) are functions, and the Lord Mayor's
dinner is a function — in fine, that is a function which is " a course of
action peculiarly pertaining to any public office in church or state."
The receptions and dinners which, in his official capacity as Presi-
dent of the \Vorld's Eair, Mr. Higinbotham gave were functions. But
the receptions, dinners, high teas, given by people holding no official
position whatsoever, do not partake of the nature of " functions."
Dinner Favors.
Favors may be simple or elaborate, as the purse of the giver may
dictate. Appropriateness and simplicity, however, show better taste
than the extraordinary vagaries in which some indulge.
Among the really admirable selections which are offered by dealers
of many sorts, nothing is better than the bonbonnieres shown by con-
fectioners of the higher grade. They are delightful in color, exquisite
in design, and while the\' are made into receptacles for sweets for the
time being, they can later be turned to a dozen more permanent uses.
One design which is, perhaps, the most elegant of all, takes the form
of an opera bag. It is made of the heaviest cream-white silk and has
embroidered on it in dainty ribbon work forget-me-nots, tiny rosebuds,
or jessamine. At the top it is finished with the popular extension
Clasp of fine burnished gilt, and when in use as a favor is lined with
tinted pai)er and filled with the finest chocolates or with candied violets.
14
210 DINNER (ilVING.
Slippers, too, are seen, and, while not of j:j]a.s.s, are suggestive of
Cinderella's tiny foot. They are crocheted of fine colored cord, are
stiffened and molded over a form, then fitted with a bag of silk and
tied with ribbons of the same shade. Like the bags, they are made
the excuse of sweets, and, like them, they add to the decorative effect,
for they stand in coquettish fishion before each cover and challenge
the admiration inspired in the prince of fairy legend.
Books and "booklets" are much in \ogue and make as acceptable
favors as any that can be desired if onl)' selected with judgment and
with care. Small volumes of verse bound in wUum are always good.
Single poems from any one of the recognized poets put up in artistic
booklet form are as nearly perfect as fivors can be. Book covers, too,
are good, and some bookmarks are shown that are excellent both in
color and in their evident al)ilit}' t(^ witlistand the usage they are sure
to get if they ar: allowed to do any service at all.
One clever liostess who gave a dinner, and who handles her brush
unusually well, tievised a book cover and leaflet combined that proved
a great success. She had the covers made in the regulation size of
pale sage chamois skin and added the decoration h.erself She painted
each in the flower that the guest loved best, for her feminine friends,
and each in some convenient design for the men, and across the corner
was the name of each in quaint gold letters. She folded heavy parch-
ment paper in booklet form, and with her brush wrote in silver bronze
selections from the wit and wisdom of the ages. Then she slipped
the miniature books within the covers and left the brilliant thoughts
that they contained to start the conversational ball. Her dinner was
pronounced a great success, and it was remarked by many that there
uas none of that awkward silence which so often precedes the soup.
-.,.,-■ ArATII': minutix of tiiblo etiquette offers
X. t> onlook rs the best evitlenec of
iHM)
or II
m^i^
)rcc(linL,% and in the
tjraeeful ohscrvaiiee thereof is dis])la}'ecl
all the " (lifferenec between dintn'r cle-
^^
jrantly and merely consuminLC {()od," for it is at the table that the ill-
bred an 1 the well-bred man are most stronL,dy contrasted.
I low to eat soup, or part.ike of gnipes, and what to tlo with a
cherry stone, thou<^h apparently trivial in themselves, are weighty
matters when taken as an index of social standin<^. And it is safe to
s;iy that the youni^ man who drank from his saucer, or the youn<'-
woman who ate peas with her knife, would court the risk of banish-
ment from good society.
In regard to the first essentials of table m;mners we are bounti to
consider the laying of the table, the manner of being seated thereat,
the use of the napkin, the proper handling of those most invaluable
implements, knife, fork and spoon, together with a short dissertation
on those older implements, " Adam's knives and forks."
* The Breakfast Table.
This first repast of the day sliould always be d.iintil)- and appe-
tizingly spread, and the eticjuette there observed, as at all other meals
of the day, should be of a nature to render the observance on more
stately occasions secontl nature to tlie members of the familw
Children so trained will find little difficulty in after days as to their
table eti([uette.
The table itself should be spread with clean linen, first ov^erlaying
the surface with a sub-cloth of double canton flannel, felting, or a
211
212
TABLE ETIQUETTE.
white blanket that has seen its best days of usefulness. Tliis is donj
for the better appearance of thr table linen, for the deadenini^ of
sound, and the Drotection of the table from the heated dishes. The
table linen for home use need not be of tlie finest; cleanliness being,
after all, the chief requisite.
Before the mistress of the house stands the tray covered with a
large napkin, or a prettily etched tray-cloth. This is filled with cups
and saucers. The coffee-urn is at her right hand with cream, sugar,
spoons, and waste-bowl convenient. In front of the master of the
ETIOUKTTE OF THE TABLE.
house is spread a large napkin with the corner to the center d{ the
table. An ornamental carving cloth may be used in its plac< . On
this is placed whatever dish of meat it is his province to serve. On
the opposite side of the table dishes of bread and any hot breakfast
rolls or gems balance one another. The dish of potatoes stands
close to, and at the right of, the platter, ready to be served with the
meat. Any otlier vegetable served at the same meal should be placed
at the left of the platter.
Mats are wholly a style of the past. Where the dish is very hot.
TABLE KTIQUfc:TTE. 213
or liable to soil the cloth, frinijccl squares of heavy linen, etched or
embroidered, take their place.
The castor, too, is banished from tables polite, and its place may be
taken by a few flowers, or bits of vine, in a simj)le vase. The butter
dish and the individual butters should be placed by the side of the
one who is to serve it. Fancy sauce and vinej^ar cruets, and salts
and peppers are grouped at each end of the table, sometimes on small
trays of hammered brass.
Knives, Forks and Napkins.
Heatetl plates are i)laced before the carver, and the carving knife
(well sharpened) and fork are placed, with their rest at his right. On
any occasion when plates are laid at each place, turn them face up.
To the right of the plate is the knife with etige turned from the person
to use it. As to the fork, authorities differ, some contending that it
should be placed on the right hand, and the knife next, with sharp
edge turned from the user. This latter fashion is best at simple meals
where but one knife and fork are used. Others contend that the fork
should be laid at tile left. This latter fashion should be followed
where several knives and forks are necessary for an elaborate dinner.
The simply-folded napkin is at the left hand. The glass and indi-
vidual butter plate are placed near the point of the knife. To avoid
waiting where there is any haste, the butters may be filled before the
ftimily are seated.
If oatmeal, or any porridge, is to be served, the dish should be
placed upon the table before the house mistress, together with the
requisite number of small bowls, or saucers, in which she serves it,
adding sugar and cream, or passing these, as seems best to her.
Afterwards these plates and the dish itself should be removed, when
the hot plates and the remainder of the breakfast should be brought in.
Where there is fruit, as is the case in very nice homes, it is to
form a third course ; all other dishes are to be removed before the
fruit is placed upon the table, and each person provided with a small
plate with a doily, or fruit napkin, laid upon it, a silver fruit knife, and
214 TABLE KTIQUEITE.
possibly a fin^cr-bowl set upon the doily ; also a teaspoon or oraii^c-
spoon when oranges are on the table. If berries are served t'ruit
saucers will be required. In busy homes the fruit is frequently placed
upon the table at the beginning of the repast and served at its end
without change of plates. Many persons prefer to begin their break-
fast with fruit. The napery at breakfast may be colored if so desired.
The Dinner Table.
The dinner table ft>r home meals is laid very much after the fashion
of the breakfast table with the omission of the server. If there is to
be more than one course, such as a salad, another fork must be added,
in which case it will be best to place the forks at the left of the plate.
If there is fish, another extra fork, or else the appropriate little fish
knife and fork, is demanded. If a fork only is used, the flakes of
fish may be pushed upon the fork by means of a bit of bread.
A half slice of bread should lie in, or beside, the folded napkin.
The soup tureen is placed before the mistress of the house, together
with the soup dishes. Into each of these she puts a ladle full of soup
and passes it along. Where there is a servant to wait, he, or she,
takes each dish from her hand and serves those at table, alwa>'s j^iss-
ing to their left hand in so doing. When the soup is removed, the
under plates should also be taken and hot plates brought in tor the
next course.
The meat is placed before the carver, dishes of vegetables flanking
either side. The plates are filled and passed, or else handed around
by a servant. Sometimes the meat only is put on the plates and the
dishes of vegetables are passed from one to another at the table or
handed around by ;i servant. Do not place a quantity of small vege-
table dishes at each plate ; it is too suggestive of hotel and restaurant
life ; peas and some other similarly cooked vegetables are an excep-
tion to this rule. Side dishes, such as pickles, etc., are placed on the
table when it is first laid.
If a salad is to form the next course, all the dishes should be car-
ried out, the meat being taken first, then the dishes of vegetables,
TAI5LK KTH^l'irrrK. 215
after that, plates and butter plates. A tray is much better to transfer
all articles except large platters. Never permit a maid to scrape the
contents of one plate into another, with a clatter of knives and fcjrks,
and then triumphantly bear off the entire pile at once. The salad is
to be eaten with a silver fork, and is served with rolls or biscuit.
Where the home dinner is simple the salad is frec[uently served in
small dishes and passed during the progress of the repast.
Before dessert is brought on, all table furniture should be removed
save glasses and water bottle, and the cloth brushed free from crumbs
with crumb-tray and napkin, or scraper, in preference to a brush,
which is apt to soil the cloth. The dessert is then to be placed on
the table and the mistress serves the pastry or pudding on small
plates or saucers wtiich are placed before her. Tea, coffee, or choco-
late, may now be handed around, but never sooner. At a very
ceremonious dinner they appear last of all.
If fruit is to follow the pastry, fruit plates, arranged as for breakfast,
must be substituted for the dessert plates, as soon as the guests arc
done with these.
It is to be expected that each family will adai)t the above outline to
suit their own needs, omitting such features as they have neither time
to devote to nor servants to accomplish. The ideas here given, how-
ever, are suitable as the nucleus of the most elaborate dinner, or may
be simplified to fit the plainest repast.
The Supper Table.
The table for supper is laid very much after the general plan given
for breakfast, with the exception of the oatmeal. If the tea is made
at the table, which is the daintiest way, the other adjuncts of the tray
must be supplemented by a dainty brass or bronze hot-water kettle
swung over an alcohol lamp, and a pretty tea caddy. Lovely silver
caddies, with lock and key, are to be had and make an appropriate
wedding gift. A "cosy" or thick wadded cap for setting over the
teapot, to keep the heat in, is another pretty essential, which may be
made as ornamental as is liked. At supper cold meats are usually
2ir, TABi.K KTiorr.rrE.
scrv'ccl, and cake is taken with the fruit, while vegetables, unless those
scrvetl in salad fdrm, are omitted.
The Lunch Table.
In cities, the lunch tikes the place of the twelve o'clock dinner, just
as the late city dinner replaces the supper, dear to country hearts.
The t.ible for lunch is laid much like that for supper, the dishes
beinij^ all placeil at the table at one time, and the ladies of the family,
for to them it is usually devoted, gatherinj^ around it without the
formality of a servant.
Signs of Ill-Breeding.
The order of lavinif the talkie, and servinir the dishes havin<r been
given, it now remains to give some inform.ition as to the conduct of
those at the table. This is rendered more necessary from the fact
that many well-dressed, and apparently well-bred people, sin so griev-
ously against the simplest laws of table eticjuette, as not only to dis-
play their own want of breeding, but to actually annoy those about
them by their sins of omission and commission.
The most important table implements ;ire knife, fork, and spoon,
and with these we begin, in the order of their prominence.
The Fork.
Tlie fork having, as one writer happily suggests, "subjugated the
knife," demands our first attentioii. The subugation of the knife is so
complete in this country, luigland, France and Austria that any
attempt to give the knife undue prominence at table is looked upon as
a glaring offense against good taste. This aversion to the use of the
knife probably arose first from the more agreeable sensation to the
lips that is produced by the delicate tines of a fork in contrast to the
broad blade of a knife. Also the fact that the steel of which knives
w^crc, and arc still, to some extent, made, imparts, by contact, a dis-
acrrccable flavor to manv articles of food.
In the use of the knife and fork daintiness should be cultivated.
TAPJ^E ETIOrKTTE.
217
They should be hold with the handles restin^j in the palms of the
hands when cutting, or separatin;^ food ; but, in conveyin<; food to the
mouth, the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm, as
to do so \vould give it an awkward apj)ear.uice in lifting to the lips.
Fork and knife should be held firmly but without any apparent
exertion of strength.
Never stri\'e to load the fork with meat and vegetables at the same
time. To do so is to commit an offence against manners antl diges-
tion, and never push the food fn^m the fork with the knife. Take
upon the fork wh.it it will easily carry and no more.
Oyster forks ;;re usually provided when oysters on the shell are
served. Either the right or the left hand may be em])l<)yed in lift-
ing them to the lij)s. The shell shoukl
be steadied with the other hand. The
fork may be handled with either hand,
the right being more generally used. It
is well, however, to be trained in the use
of both hands, thus avoiding the slight
awkwardness attending the constant
THE CORRECT POSlTtON FOR
HOLDING KNIFE AND FORK.
changing of the fork from one hand to
the other.
In using the fork in the left hand it should be lifted to the lips,
tines pointing downward. The fork, which should convey but a very
moderate amount of food, should always be carried to the mouth in a
position as nearly parallel to it as possible. This does away with the
thrusting motion and the awkv ard sweep of the elbow that is so
annoying to the onlooker.
The fork is also used to convey back to the plate bits of bone or
other substances unfit to swallow. Eject them quietly upon the fork
and quickly deposit them upon the edge of the plate.
The softer cheeses are eaten with a fork. As to the harder varieties,
some use the fork and others break with the fork and convey to the
mouth with the fingers.
Use the fork to break up a potato on your plate ; do not touch it
218 TABLE ETIQUETTE.
with the knife. Ices, stiffly preserved fruits, etc., are all eaten with \
fork. In fact, the fork is to convey all food to the mouth that is not
so liquid in its nature as to require the iise of a spoon.
The Spoon.
The spoon comes next as an article of importance at the table.
Soups, all thinly cooked vegetables, canned and stewed fruits, peaches
and cream, melons, oranges by some, very thick chocolate, Roman
punch, and other dishes th;it common sense will dictate at the moment,
are to be partaken of by its aid. One should drink tea and coffee,
however, and not spoonful it. Use the teaspoon to gently stir up and
dissolve the sugar in the cup, then lay it in the saucer and lift the cup
to the lips by the handle. Never be guilty of leaving the spoon in
the cup and compassing it with one or more fingers in carrying it to
the lips.
In partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid
away from the person, lifted to the mouth, and the soup taken noise-
lessly from the side of the spoon. In thus lifting any liquids from
the further side of the dish, or cup, there is time for any drop adhering
to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips.
Only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted
to take soup from the point of the spoon, always providing they can
do so skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm. The gold or
silver spoons for after-dinner coffee ai 3 very small, as befits che dainty
cups of egg-shell china.
The Knife.
Properly, the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to
assist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication.
Never, no, iicvcr^ permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any
occasion whatever. To do so is the height of ill-breeding.
Adam's Knives and Forks.
There are a number of things that the most fashionable and well-
bred people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers. They are :
TABLE E'lIQUETrE. 219
Olives, to which a fork should never be applied ; asparagus, whether
hot or cold, when served whole, as it should be ; lettuce, which, when
served in whole leaves, should be dipped in the dressini^ or in a little
salt ; celery, which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth beside
the plate.
To these may be added strawberries, when served with the stems
on, as they .ire in most elei^ant houses. Dip them in cream and then
ill sugar (sometimes sugar only is served), holding by the stem end
and eating in one or more bites, according to size.
Bread, toast, and all tarts and small cakes ; fruit of all kinds,
except melons and preserves, which arc eaten with a spoon ; cheese,
except the softer varieties ; all these are eaten with the fingers, even
by the most fastidious people. Iwen the leg, or other small piece of
a bird is taken up daintil}' in the fingers of one hand at fashionable
dinners.
Water cress is taken in the fingers. It is usually served upon a
shallow dish or a basket, a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides.
Artichokes, also, are eaten with the fingers. Lump sugar may be
taken with the fingers, if no tongs are pro\ided. If a plate of hot,
unbroken biscuit is passed, one may be broken off with the fingers.
Napkin and Finger-BowL
Napkins vary in size, from the diminutive, fancy doily, for ornament
rather than use, through idl gradations, up to the largest sized dinner
napkin. In using these do not spread over the entire lap, nor fasten
under the chin bib-f ishion, nor in the buttonhole, and, if a man, do
not tuck in the vest pockets. All these are fishions which should
have been outgrov.n in the nursery. Simply unfold and lay carelessly
in the lap on one knee, use to wipe the lips lightly, or the finger tips
v/hen necessary.
Some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds, or skins, or
an}^hing unfit to swallow, from the lips into the napkin, by pressing
it against the mouth, then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon
th^ plate. All such careful observances tend to remove, as much as
220 TABLE ETIQUETTE.
possible, from the modern repast, the j^rosaic, and unromantic ideas
suggested by the idea of eating.
Finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed
and before the fruit is served. They are usually plaeed before each
individual on the fancy glass or china plate that is to be used for the
fruit, a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate. RenKJve
bowl and doily at once to the right hand side, leaving plate free for the
fruit. This doily is frequently an elaborate article of f mcy work, not
for use but ornament. Hence, unless its place is taken by a fruit
napkin or smaller napkin, as is sometimes done, passed around before
dessert, the dinner napkin is used.
Avoiding Fruit Stains.
Some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner
napkins; hence, the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the begin-
ning of dessert. This, however, cumbers the dinner with much serving
and is not to be recommended. If done, the smaller napkins are to
be passed around, and the large ones permitted to remain.
At the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded, but left
lying loosely at the side of the plate. If a guest in the house, how-
ever, unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal, they should be
folded and placed in the napkin ring.
The rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips,
and the finger-tips wiped daintly upon them, but as " nice customs
courtesy to great kings," so, to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant
mustaches, a greater freedom is permitted in its use.
The finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water,
and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the
surface of each. The fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped
in the water, rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any
odor of food, and then dried upon the napkin.
Sometimes, after partaking of meats, one may dip a corner of the
napkin in the finger-bowl, and, allowing it to drop back of the dry
portion of the napkin, wipe the lips with it. A gentleman is permitted
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 221
to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner. Remember,
always to exercise the greatest care not to have the operation a very
visible one, as it is not particularly attractive to the onlooker.
A small glass of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center
of the finger-bowl for this purpose. Lift it to the lips and sip
slightly, being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a
beverage, and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin.
While eating meats, etc., use the napkin before touching the lips to a
glass, eise the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle
to one's neighbors.
General Table Etiquette.
In seating one's self at tabic, assume a comfortable position, neither
so close as to be awkwartl, nor so far awa\' as to endanger the clothing
by dropj)ing food in its passage from table to lips. Sit upright, and
do not bend oxer to take each mouthful of food.
If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair
out from the table, and, when she is seated, assist her in outting it
back in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office
will be assumed by a waiter.
(^n being seated, remove the roll, or piece of bread, from the naj)-
kiii (the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and
about three inches long), unfold the napkin, lay it upon the knee, and
quietly wait your turn to be served. Never handle, or play with, any
articles on the table ; it bespeaks ill-breeding. Never drum on the
table with th'^ rit-.gcrs.
As soon as a bowl of soup, or a plate of oysters is offered you,
begin, without any appearance of haste, to eat. This facilitates ser\'-
ing, as, by the time the last /ire serxed, the first will have finished
their half-ladleful of soup (which is all that society allows) and the
waiter may begin to remo\e the first course. The old custom of
waiting until everyone was served before begiiming is no long counte-
nanced, since '* .soup is nothing, if not hot," and by waiting it is
decidedly cooled.
Never, unless requested so to do, pass a plate on to a neighbor
222 TABLE ETIQUETTE.
tliat has been handed to you. It is supposed that the cancer knows
what he intends lor each guest. When dishes are i)assed, help your-
self as quickly as possible, and never insist upon some one having it
first. If a gentleman, you may help the lady next you from its con-
tents, if she so desire.
Always take the food offered in a course. Quietly wait and talk
while others eat, rather than call the attention t)f the table to your
likes and dislikes, and disarrange the whole order of serving. If a
gentleman, see that the lady you ha\e brought down wants for noth-
ing, tmd let the lady, on her side, take care not to entirely monopolize
the attention of her escort.
How to Treat Waiters.
If, for an\' cause, the services of a waiter arc desired, catch his eye
quietly, and on his approach, state )-our own or the lady's wishes, in
a low tone of voice. This same rule of C(^nduct will a[)ply to public
places, where the knocking (^f spoons against cups, and other noisy
attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly dis-
couraged.
Never thank a servant for i)assing any of the dishes or wines; that
is his business ; but for any personal service, such as picking up a
fallen napkin, or replacing a dropped knife by another, it is proper to
return a murmured "Thank you," not "Thanks."
A lady should never look up in a waiter's face while giving an
order, refusing wine, or thanking him for any special service. This
savors of familiarity, and sho-ild be avoided. A man, however, that
is attentive will see that a ladv has none of these things to do.
At table one may talk to one's neighbor on either side, or to those
directly opposite, if the center decorations are not too high ; but it is
absolutely ill-bred ti> lean across an individual to converse with some
one on the other side. Of course, at a small dinner, or at the f.mily
table, conversation is expected to be general. Never attempt to con-
verse while the mouth is filled with f'-od, and never have the mouth
filled with food; it is bad both for manners and digestion.
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 223
Decline any dish passed that you do not wish with "Thank you,
not any;" if by a waiter, "Not any," is sufficient. Do not enter into
any explanations as to your tastes, nor the wins and wherefores of
your refusal. That interests no one but yourself.
If wine is served, do not call the attention of everj-onc to the fact
that you do not drink it. The table of a friend, to which you have
had the honor of an invitation, is no place for a temperance lecture.
Do not reverse the glass ; it is a needlessU' conspicuous act ; simply
motion the waiter away with )our finder on the edge of the glass, or
shake your head. Some, still more' careful, allow a glass to be fillet!
for them at first, and, by letting it stand untasted, show to the waiter
th.it further offers are useless. If a lad)- does not \vish more wine than
remains in her glass, let her make a little motion of dissent when the
waiter is about to replenish it, otherwise a good glass of wine is
wisted. In drinking wine, lift the glass In' the stem, instead of by the
bowl. Younix ladies, if the\' drink wine, had best content themselves
with one glassful. "Rosebuds" should not indulge. The latest
dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at once and not
sipped.
Sundry Rules and Hints.
Never display any hesitation in selecting food. If your host asks
what part of a fowl you prefer, at once give }-our choice. To say you
have none is an annoyance. Never tip the plate in order to dip up
the last spoonful of soup. In partaking of soup, or imbibing any
'i [uid, do so noiselessly. Be sure not to spread the elbows while
using knife and fork. Keep them close to )'our side while cutting
meats.
Never try to dispose of the hist m<Hithful of soup, the last morsel
of food. "It is not expected," s:iys one writer, " that your plate
should be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions." On
no account cool any drink or scnip with the breath. NevxT pour tea
or coffee into the saucer to cool it. Never drink from the saucer ; it
is an unpardonable sin.
With salads small knifes and forks are often furnished, where the
224 TABLE ETIQUETTE.
salad is served uncut with dressing^. Again, the uncut leaves arc
taken in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing. The roll is
to be eaten with the salad.
Individual salts are an American fashion. If used, it is proper to
take salt from them with the knife, if they are the open salts. In the
most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver salicn'S with
their accompanj'ing silt spoons or shovels. Salt, thus taken, should
be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate. The custom fol-
lowed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the tablecU)th is
very annoying to the hostess, as giving her table a shabby look during
the removal of courses. .Salt is the onl)' condiment placed upon the
table at a dinner ; the others arc passed with the course demanding
their use. Neither is butter put upon the table at an elaborate dinner ;
the small square (»f bread (»r the roll furnished, are to be eaten without.
Use of Knife and Fork.
Peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand. Never use the
other to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents.
Never cut up all the meat on }-<^ur plate at once, in morsels fit for
eating ; to do so savors of the nursery. But, on the other hand, do
not seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table. Be
sure not to insert fork or spoon too fir into the mouth. Never turn
the spoon over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its
contents. Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this
most disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be
less danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, .so as
not to cause any unnecessary clatter at table.
Waiters pass all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the
left. Wine is ])assed at the right. All dishes that are being passed
must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves
without difficulty.
W^hen there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table, the
guests should never assist in the work by piling small dishes, etc.,
upon their plate. Simply place knife antl fork upon the plate.
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 225
In passing the plate for a second helpin^% remove knife and fork
and hold easily by the handles. Never ask for a second helping of
soup, or of anything at a course dinner. At an informal repast,
where there is but one principal dish, it is proper to pass the plate for
more. A second helping of fish chowder is allowable, but not of
soup.
Food should be masticated quietly, and with the lips closed.
Drink all liquids without the slightest .sound.
Never butter bread that is to be eaten with soup. To do this i.s
only less vulgar than to thicken the s(jup with the crumbs of bread.
Simply eat the bit of bread with the soup. Take the soup that is
brought you, even if you do not care for it, so as not to interrupt the
order of the dinner by a refusal.
Disgusting Habits.
Lift cups by the handles, and wineglasses by the stem, and do not
tip theui up, until almost reversed upon the face, in order to drain the
last drop. It is not necessary, and really bad form to completely
empty a wineglass.
Never pick the teeth at the table. Such habits arc well calculated
to disgust sensitive people, and should be performed in private as
much as any other portion of our daily toilet.
Never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee, tea or
water; nothing can be more disagreeable.
Bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient foi
mouthfuls, as it is needed. Never butter a slice and cut with a knife ;
butter each piece as needed. Butter .should never be eaten in large
quantities.
Cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers. Very rich,
crumbly, or filled cake may be eaten with a fork; tarts also, unless
they are of a nature to permit the use of the fingers, and pastry of all
kinds, as well as puddings not too liquid in form.
Muffins can be eaten from the plate with a fork, or they can be torn
apart, buttered, and eaten while held in the fin^icrs, like toasted bread.
15
226 TABLE E'riQUETTR.
I lot ^cms can be torn apart and partaken of in tlie same way. Never
t ike one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another.
If any little accident should occur at table, do not apologize for it;
let it pass without note, and it will be apt to escape observation. If
there should be anything accidently spilled upon the cloth, the waiter
sliould quickly remove the traces, and spread a fresii napkin over the
soiled spot.
Fruits.
Apples arc pared with a silver knife at table, and eaten in small
sections from the fin<^ers. There is often much time devotetl to paring
fruit by lioldin^ it on a fork, not touchini^ it with the fini^ers. This is
unnecessary, unless when a gentleman is preparini^ the fruit for a lady,
or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise.
Grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the
mouth, while the fin<;ers hold the skin which is then laid on one side
the plate. This is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and
then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate. Bananas arc
peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork. Granites are skinned,
divided into sections, and eaten from the fini^ers, rejecting the seeds
into the hand. Some prefer, however, to cut the end of the orani^e
and eat the pulp with a sjjoon. Pineapple is the only fruit that must
be eaten with a knife and fork.
Silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits, as steel
becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a disa-
^^reeable flavor.
Green corn, in ear, is a stumbling-block, and perhaps one's best
phui would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may
be. In eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only. Some
hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear.
If a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table, a del' ate
compliment upon its unu-iual excellence is always pleasing ta the
hostess.
T
HE cvcniiiL^r party may be as
elaborate or as siinpK; an
affiiir as tlie hostess may
tlesire. In its elaborate form it
onl)' differs from tlie ball in the one re-
spect that dancing "liiy, or may not, bo
introdnced as a feature of the entertainment, while a ball is ^iven for
the express purpose of chmciuL;", and is always so understood.
Invitations.
Invitations for an elaborate evenini^ party arc sent out ten days or
two weeks in advance and are issued in the name of the liostess alone.
Husband ami wife may be invitcxl tot^ether, addressin^^ the envelope
to " Mr. and Mrs. John Doe;" and tlau<^diters, if there are several, may
be included in one invitation as "The Misses r)(K." Sons, if there
be more than one, receive separate invitations, thout^h they can be
included in one as " Messrs. Doe." ]?ut friends, even thout^h shel-
tered by the same rooftree, must receive separate invitations. To
invite "The Misses Doe and Roe," or "Messrs. Brown and Green,"
or even " Mrs. Doe and P^miily," would be in bad form. To invite
the husband to any entertainment where there are ladies without
including the wife would be a direct insult. Invitations may be sent
by post or carried by messengers. (1m )r forms see Department ol
" Invitations, Formal and Informal.")
Society is so complex, and there is so much ground to cover in
picking up its relations that many ladies are tempted to pay off all
social debts at once by giving one great crush of an entertainment and
inviting all those to whom they are socially indebted. To all these
one is tempted to say, " Don't." The labor is less and the pleasure
227
228 KVKNINd PAKTIKS, RKCKPriONS AND SUPPERS.
greater wiiere two or more smaller eiitert linnients are <,nven at ciifier*
ent time?;.
A hostess is at liberty to iiuite only those to whom she is sociall}'
indebted, and members of a lar«^e soeial circle from whom she has not
received recent hospitalities must not feel hurt at bein^j left out.
Where the f.imily is larj^e she may invite some members and not
others, but should she courteously invite the entire group, it is a rule
of society that never more than three members of the same family
should accept an invitation to the same entertainment, luther accej)t
or decline such in\itations at once. (For proper forms see depart-
ment of "Acceptances and Regrets.")
Receiving.
At a large evening part}' the arrangements for receiving guests, the
dressing rooms, etc., ami duties of the hostess in receiving, are the
same as at a ball, and the supper served in the same fashion.
Ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment
to their friendship. It is not their sole duty to stand beside the
hostess for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each
guest and then see no more of them that evening. When a lady
issues invitations for a large evx'ning gathering she usually decides to
ask some intimate friends "to receive with her."
If she expressed what she really meant, and what she supposes her
friends understand, she will say: "Will you come and help me in the
actual entertaining of the guests, for I shall have only time to stand
at the door and say, 'How do you do;' * Good-by.' " But no, she
phrases it conventionally: "Will you come and receive with me?"
And so they come in a (lock and do n(3thing but " receive."
Should Make Every One Happy.
A woman who is invited " to receive" should arrive at the hour of
the invitation, not one minute before, unless for some especial reason
she is requested to do so by her hostess. She should remove her
wraps and quietly join her hostess in the rooms below, where, proba-
EVKXIN(; TARTIKS, RHCKrilONS AND SlI'I'llRS. i>2:)
bly, she will have a cup of hot bcnillion brou«:^ht to her at once aiul
maybe a glass of wine. I'or a h.ilf h<>ur or so she should stand with
the hoste!?s and only take upon herself the task of t^rcctin^^ but, as
the rooms bei^in to fill, she should leave lur place and go slowly about
the rooms, not talking and visiting with friends, and having a good
time herself, bu^t p;issing by the groups of gay and lively ones, who
know every one and seek out the solitary .md alone. To these is lur
especial mission, to make them known to some of her own intimates,
whose friendship is so certain and so warm th.it it will stand this
demantl of introducing a stranger.
An acquaintance is not necessary for this giving of attention. A
member of the receiving party may speak to an)' one in the room
without even the f(M"m of introducing herself, although, if she sees
after a few words that she is imknown she will bring her own name
casually into the conversation, making no effort to do so. Any guest
will feel flattered on being addressed b\' the l.idies receivintr.
Making Things Easy for the Hostess.
Another duty she owes is keeping her eyes on the hostess and seeing
that she is never left alone for one single moment in her position by
the door. One of the receiving party ought to be beside her constantly
ready to execute any wish she may express, as, for instance, if she say :
" I see Mrs. K. coming down the stairs ; she is a perfect stranger ; see
that she meets a few — Mrs. Blank, especially." She will greet Mrs.
K., chat a second, and quietly draw her to one side continuing the
conversation all the time. Then seeing somebody near she will say :
•' I want you to know ISIrs. So-and-So ; come over here and let me
introduce you." Then she may leave Mrs. K. and look after some
other awkward one near, and, after a (c\v minutes, taking some one
else up to where Mrs. K. and Mrs. So-and-.So still stand, make them
known. If Mrs. So-and~So has a kind heart, by this time she will
have made Mrs. K. acquainted with some one else. The lady receiv-
ing should keep an eye on Mrs. K., particularly if she seems to be
afraid to move from one spot, as strangers sometimes are.
L';;o rcvKViNc pari'iks, Ri:ci:i'rm\s and slutkrs.
Mc.intiiiu;, aiK-tlKT mcmhir <>f the rccrivin^^ party noticis that the
hostess is alone, and she leaves her acts of mercy and returns to lu r
post, ready to assist in any way. To h.ive such a little i^roup of
friends transform themselves into w illin;^ slaves for the moment makes
the art of entertaining; no trouble or fitit^ue at all.
Think of the uiter loneliness t(» tin- stranijcr of enteriuL,^ the draw-
ini^-room to he j^reeted l)\' the hostess and haniled down a Ioul; line of
the reccivini; party .uid then left to "that bath of loneliness amidst
the multitude," which has its terrors for us all. It is o\'er such stra\-s
as this that the receiviuL^ party is supposed to have most careful over-
sight, since to the hostess conies sm.dl leisure for this duty.
Entertainment.
Before supper, cards, conversation, music are m.ide use of to enter-
tain the LTuests. Wluii <lancin!j; is a featuR-, it tloes not heirin until
after supper, and while this amusement is in proL;riss opportunit}- for
conversation, games, etc., should be provided in other rooms for those
who do not dance. Rules for going out to supper at a large party
are the .same as those at a ball.
Duties of the Guests.
If music is one of the features, try and suit its character to the
company. Do not play classical music where it cannot possibly be
appreciated, and, above all, attempt nothing that cannot be executed
perfectly. In singing, let gentlemen remember that if it is an amusing
song they are to render, it must be perfectly unexceptional in char-
acter. Ladies should bear in mind in singing that it is much better
taste in large assemblies to avoid the purely sentimental order of
.songs, which, with the large number of beautiful compositions at our
disposal, is easily done.
Observe scrupulous silence while others are playing and singing.
If you possess any musical accomplishments, and are asked to con-
tribute your share toward the entertainment of others, do so without
waiting to be urged ; or, if you decline, decline absolutely. Urging
EVKNING PARTIES, RIX'KI'riONS AND SriMMlKS.
2rA
should not be resorted to by the hostess, which custom would sour.
cure .1 c'Ttaiu diss ofp -rfornu-rs from the disaj^reeable habit of hold-
ENTERTAINING THE GUESTS WITH A SONG.
ing back for repeated solicitations. If you consent to play or sin<j, do
not weary }'our audience. Two o- three stanzas of a song, or four
232 EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS.
or five pages from a long instrumental piece are sufficient. If more
is greatly desired it will always be called for.
Remember, it is only the lady of the house who has the right to
ask you to play or sing, and to all other requests give a smiling
refusal.
Beware of too Much Reserve.
Remember also, that, for the time being, owing to your mutual
acquaintance with the host and hostess, you stand on a perfect equality
with all the guests present and should, therefore, without further
preliminaries, converse freely with any.
Never commit the blunder of stealing away to a side table, and
there affecting to be absorbed in some volume of engravings, or
finding some unlucky acquaintance in the room, fasten upon him or
her for the entire evening. These are social crimes that no shyness
can or should excuse.
Where the party is a small social gathering and various parlor
games are resorted to for amusement, one should always join in when
asked, even while not caring so to do. Exercise skill, appear pleased,
and while, perhaps, not enjoying the evening greatly one's self, there
will be at least the consciousness of having contributed to the happiness
of others. In reality, there is no better field for employing the Golden
Rule than in the whirl of social life — no wider field for unselfishness.
A superficial knowledge of the etiquette and rules that govern the
various social ganios of cards will be found a great advantage in
society, since, if one does not dance or play cards, he will be forced
to content himself with other wall-flowers like himself A gentleman
should never let even urgent solicitation induce him to play for stakes
at a party. There is a code of right and wrong beside which the code
of society has no weight.
Hours of Arrival and Departure.
An evening party usually begins about nine p. m. It is supposed to
end about midnight unless the devotees prefer to remain later. Some,
who do not care for this amusement retire immediately after supper.
EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 2^3
When to leave at a ball is a very elastic rule which varies to suit
the circumstances of the case. To leave as soon after supper as rm.y
be or to stay until the ball is actually over, are equally correct courses
to follow. Half past one is a very good time to depart. Here in this
busy country where the gallants of the evening will be the business
men of the morrow, earlier hours arc usual than among the leisure
classes of the Old World.
In retiring from a large party it is sufficient to bow politely when
expressing the pleasure you have received. And if the hostess or
host offer the hand, shake it cordially, but not too roughly.
An after call is required the same as after a ball or dinner party.
RECEPTIONS.
Fo\ informal receptions, invitations are most frequently written on
the left hand corner of the hostess's visiting card: Mrs. Chaki.?:3
Grev, Thursday, from five to eight o'clock.
At an evening reception, the lady should be dressed in handsome
home toilet, and receive standing. If several ladies receive together,
their cards should be enclosed with the invitation. Tlie simplicity of
the occasion leaves the hostess the more time to devote to the enjoy-
ment of her guests. Music, both vocal and instrumental, is a great
addition to an evening reception.
Refreshments are generally served informally. The table should
be set tastily in the dining-room, and supplied with coffee or chocolate
at one end and a tea service at the other. Besides these, daintily
prepared sandwiches, tuns, cakes, ices and fruits are served. If the
reception is very select, and the number of guests small, a servant
presents a tray with tea, sugar and cream, w hile another follows with
the simple refreshments that should accompany it.
A wedding reception, or a very elaborate evening reception, of
course admits of much more ceremony, as well as more substantial
refreshments, than small entertainments.
Ladies attend evening receptions in dcini-toillcttc, with or without
bonnets, and gentlemen in full morning dress.
THE CENTRE OF ATTRACTION.
234
EVEMNC; l»ARTIi:S, Ri:CKlTl()NS AM) SLPPKRS. 235
Invitations to cvoninir receptions, l.iwn or musical parties arc
informal, but require an answer, as it is agreeable to ever\' liostess to
know the number of her expecte<J guests.
C^y y//? ///<' fZ-y/^rr/j/.
/
-^
21 rcarsoii Sheet.
If the reception is given in honor of some individual or celebrity
the name of the honored guest should appear at the t()[) of the imita-
tion, as abo\'e facsimile of cartls issued b\' the Spanish Consul in
honor of the Infanta of Spain during the Columbian Exposition.
Evenmg Receptions.
Evening receptions being simpler in detail and less expensive than
parties, are becoming more fashionable every year, especially among
people of litciary and artistic tastes.
236 KVENINC; I'ARTlllS, RlXJKl'TlOxNS AND SI ri'KRS.
Guests calling, meet a select circle, among whom arc usually poets,
artists, and persons of elegant leisure, formality is readily broken, and
the occasion is always one of ple.isure.
The hour for leaving a reception is varied (anywhere from eleven
p. M. to one A. M. being usual). ICarly hours lire usual among those
who have other engagements antl who go on to other parties, remain-
ing about half an hour at each one : thus, at crowded receptions the
departures commence before the arrivals have ceased to be announced.
Morning Receptions or Matinees.
Of all the entertainments given during the daytime, luncheons,
breakfasts, afternoon teas, kettle-drums, etc., the morning reception,
so-called, although it is given in the afternoon, is perhaps the most
formal. Some hostesses adopt the French fishion of calling it a
matinee, meaniuij anv social Lfathering that is held before dinner, as
any party is calletl in 1 'ranee a soinc.
There are many advantages in a morning pari}'. It affords ladies
who do not attend evening receptions the j)lcasure of meeting on a
semi-formal occasion, and is also a well chcjsen occasion for introduc-
ing a new pianist or singer. Yor a busy woman of fashion a matinee,
beginning at two and ending at four or half-past, which are the usual
hours for these entertainments, is a most convenient time. It does not
interfere with a five o'clock tea, or a drive, nor unfit her for a dinner
party or evening entertainment. Convenient, however, as this hour is
for ladies, it is quite the reverse for gentlemen, since the majority of
them in America do not belong to the leisure class. Hence to avoid
this inequality of the sexes, ladies often give these matinees on some
of our national holidays.
When, as often happens, some great celebrity is to be presented to
a large circle of friends, there is no more satisfactory form of enter-
tainment to be afforded him than a morning reception. To this w^e
may draw to meet him many men who could not be brought together
at a late-hour, full-dress, evening entertainment. Authors, artists,
clergymen, lawyers, statesmen, editors, doctors and capitalists, as well
EVENING PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS. 237
as cultivated society women, financiers and philosophers, can all be
brought together in easy and friendly social intercourse.
But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we
must not expect to be amused onl\', we must be amusing, we must
offer some tempting equivalent ; something that has the ring of pure
gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music.
So, with an Archbishop to entertain, we may hope to attract the dis-
tinguished clergy of the city ; with a great author, other celebrities of
the pen and pencil who will gladly come to greet him ; and once
drawn to a successful and brilliant assembly, they will be easily
induced to return. Therefore, any lady who would make her home
attractive to the best society must offer some higher stimulant
than the glitter of fashion, l^'or gootl society we need men and women
who can talk. We need relaxation, and it is best sought in inter-
course of abiding value with those whose lives differ from those of
our own.
Correct Dress.
The invitations are written in the same form as those given for an
evening entertainment, and although given by daylight, the rooms are
frequently darkened and artificial illumination gives to the whole a
festive air. The hostess may be dressed in demi-toilet, somewhat low
at the throat if wished, and of the richest materials, but not in full
evening dress, laces or conspicuous jewels. She may have friends to
receive with her who will dress in the same demi-toilets. The guests
wear reception dresses or handsome street dresses. Wraps arc laid
aside, but hats and gloves are kept on. Gentlemen wear full morning
dress on all these occasions. Overcoats and umbrellas are left in the
hall or dressing-room, but h.its, if the stay is to be short, may be
carried into the drawing-room.
Visitors do not usually remain more than half an hour, though, if
the occasion is especially interesting, an hour or more is often spent.
Conversation is indulged in, and guests listen to music, or whatever
is provided for their entertainment. At an ordinary morning recep-
tion the refreshments are light, and served the same as at an evening
2:38 i:vi:nin(; partiks, rkciiptioxs and suppers.
rcci.'ption. If, liowcvcr, the occasion is unusually important, the col-
lation is more abund.uit, and the service more formal.
Visitors leave cards to serve insteatl of the after call. Those who
were invited hut unable to attend, call within a few days. (For \^cn-
cral forms of invitations see Department of " Invitations.")
Introductions are not exj)ected lo he general, except where the
reception is gi\'en in honor of some one person, wiien, of course,
all comers are presenti-d to this guest. Morning parties given in
small country tcnvns are attendetl with less formality than in large
cities, and introductions are general.
SUPPER PARTIES.
Some lover of this social repast sa}'s, "Sup[)ers have always been
invested with a peculiar charm. They are the most conversational,
the most intimate and the most poetical of all entertainments. They
are the fivorite repast of men of letters, tlie inspiration of poets, and
a form of hospitability eminent in history. Who has not heard of the
petite soiipirs o{ \.\\<^ Regency and the brilliant minds there assembled?"
Suppers are the popular entertainment of gentlemen, and usually
take some distinctive name, such as fish suppers, game sup[)ers, wine
suppers, and each has suitable supplies for the table.
Invitations to suppers may be given in person, by a friendly note.
or writing on the card of the host or hostess : "Supper at lo o'clock,
Thursday, December iSth."
The very late city dinners have prev^ented supper parties from keep-
iiig their popularit}', but there is no reason why in towns these should
not be favorite entertainments.
The same service is proper at a supper as at a dinner, with the
exception of soup plates. Oysters on the half-shell and bouillon
served in cups are the tirst two courses. Then follows the usual order
of tlishes, such as sweetbreads and green ])eas, whatever game may be
in season, salads of all kinds, then ices, fruits and coffee. It is not
quite so heavy a repast as the elaborate dinner party. Games and
salads are served together. If wine is used it is found on the table in
EVE:NIXCr PARTIES, RI':CKFrK)XS AND SI I'l'KRS. 239
handsome decanters. Three sorts may be served, such as Shcy or
Madeira and Ikirgundy. Bread and napkin are beside each plate, or
else tlie bread is passed after the guests are seated. Next, phiin pl.ites
and cups of bouillon are served, with gold teaspoons. Then follow
the other courses. The dishes are removed after each course as at a
formal dinner. At the close of the supper a tiny glass of cordial is
served to the gentlemen. Wines may be entirely omitted if against the
principles, and mineral waters may be substituted. The table may be
decorated as for a dinner party.
There is perhaps no entertainment wliere so much brilliant conver-
sation and repartee is intlulged in as at the " sit-down " supper.
Residents of large cities, possessing abundant means, can avoid
trouble by ordering supplies from the professional caterer, but in the
country home, where economy is an object, it devolves on the house-
keeper to prepare the appetizing dainties for her entertainments, l^^or
the benefit of such, we give a few items that may be useful in arrang-
ing tlie menu. Any reliable work on cookery will give the directions
for their preparation : 15oned turkey, boned ham, deviled ham sand-
wiches, salnitMi salad, chicken salad, potted fish, fish salatl, etc., etc.
A Simple Supper.
There is a much simpler supper possible to be offered by a hostess
after the opera or theatre which may be made very charming ant!
inexpensive. This is a desirable little " spread," since there are few
people who can unclergo the excitement of an evening at the opera,
phiy, concert, or card party, without a feeling of hunger; and witii
many, unless this hunger is appeased a sleepless night will be the
result ; and as the excitement is usually so good an aid tt) digestion,
no evil consequences may be feared.
This little supper is well set out with a few oysters, a pair of coUl
roast chickens, a boned turkey, or boned ham, and a dish of some
kind of salad, ami perhaps one sort of ice cream or ice and coffee.
Oysters are invaluable for a supper. Scalloped or broiled, they can
be used in place of chicken or turkey.
240 EVENINCr PARTIES, RECEPTIONS AND SUPPERS.
A Game Supper.
A game supper consists of wild fowls and fisli, with jellies, ices and
bonbons, while a wine supper admits of almost every variety of lus-
cious dishes, differing very little from dinner, except that the delica-
cies are all cold, and of course no vegetables are served. Fillets of
game, boned turkey, cold ham, fish, salads, ices, jellies and creams,
are suitable to this style of entertainmrnit.
A Fish Supper.
When a fish supper is given, dishes are generally composed of the
products of the sea or river. This is a fashionable mode of enter-
tainment for the season of Lent. Salads, olives, pickles and sauces
are served as relishes. Sweet desserts never accompany a fish supper,
but fruits are an appropriate addition. Coffee must be given with all
suppers.
^$m
i^H&
B
ALLS, to distill' aiish them from other
evening j^atherin^^s where dancing is
one of the features of the evening,
may be designated as parties given for the ex-
press purpose of dancing.
Balls should begin at about nine o'clock in the evening, and
terminate at two or three in the morning. A private ball may be a
very elaborate affair, from fifty to seventy-five guests being necessary
to make the occasion enjoyable. Where the size of the ball-room
will permit, many more are frequently bidden. Over-crowding should
be guarded against, as ruinous to the toilets of the ladies, and the
pleasure of all concerned. The invitations to very elaborate affairs
are sometimes sent out from three weeks to one month in advance.
It is always proper for an invited guest to solicit an invitation for a
young lady visitor, or some stranger of distinction, or for a young
gentleman known to be a dancing man, and it is always permissible
for the hostess, if she wish, to refuse such solicitations on the ground
that her list is full, and no one should feel offended at such refusal.
Should the request, howcv'er, be for the admission of an eligible,
dancing man, it is rarely refused.
Never more than three from one family (the mother or chaperon
excepted) should accept an invitation to a ball, or party, unless in the
case of a ball, where two brothers, if they dance, may be accompanied
by two sisters from the same fimily. Those who do not dance should
refuse invitations to balls (chaperons excepted). The most brilliant
man who does not dance is usually out of place in an entertainment
given for that sole purpose.
The ball-room should be large ; the floor well waxed, or covered
?,2 BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES.
with drugpjct, and an abundance of palms and potted plants set about
to make cosy nooks just lighted by a shaded lamp. Cut flowers may
be massed upon the mantels with gorgeous effect. If the stairway
be of sufficient breadth, it should be bravely furnished forth with
plants in bloom. If it should be a first-floor room and open into the
cool dusk of a faintly lighted conservatory, then it is everything to be
desired for the occasion. Good ventilation is an absolute necessity.
Invite at least one quarter more guests than can be comfortably
accommodated, since about that number will fail, from different causes,
to accept. If it is impossible to entertain with comfort all those to
whom one is socially indebted, then it is better to divide the entertain-
ment into two or three smaller gatherings, always leaving space for as
many mothers of daughters, or other appointed chaperons, as may
choose to attend and who should always be included in the invitations.
Sitting accommodations should be furnished for them, as well as for
those who may not be dancing. All other furniture should be
removed from the rooms.
Full-dress toilets are demanded for the occasion ; flowers, jewels,
**The gloss of satin and the glimmer of pearls,"
should mingle in tiiis festivity, the gayest of our social gatherings.
The ball-room should be brilliantly, and at the same time, softly
illuminated, the lights coming chiefly from the sides.
General Arrangements.
In a large city it is necessary to provide an awning to extend from
the carriage to the front entrance, thus screening guests from the
crowd that usually gathers on such an occasion. A carpet should
also cover the steps and walk to protect the ladies' gowns. A man-
servant in evening dress and white lisle gloves should be at the curb-
stone to assist ladies, who may have com.e unattended, in alighting,
(providing they have no footman). He also provides each party with
the number of their carriage, giving the same to the driver, in order
that he may be ready when called. This same attendant also calls
Cjr the carriages upon the departure of the guests-
BATJ.S, DANCIXCr AND MASQIKRADHS. 24;)
Anotlicr man-servant, or a white-capped maid, waits at the door,
which is opened witliout the bell bein^ touched. This functionary
receives the cards of the ^niests, and directs them to their respective
dressint;-rooms. These should be lar^e and convenient as possible.
Assistants should be provideti with thread, needles and pins to rectify-
any accidents that may occur to the ladies' toilets, and to render every
possible aid to them in makini^^ ready for the drawing rooms. Dupli-
cate tickets should also be in readiness ; one to attacli to each wrap
and one to liand its owner. These precautions lessen the confusion
and add to the comfort of all concerned.
Combs, Inrushes, and liair])ins should be in abundance, while a
powder-box and j)u ff is not amiss, ColoL;ne, camphor and ammonia
should also be in the rooms for use in cases of sudden faintness, A
couch in the room is also useful, and low ciiairs or ottomans, in case
any of the ladies should wish to change their shoes.
The gentlemens' dressing-room should also be presided over by an
attendant supi)lied with the same duplicate system of tickets and
ready to render any called-lbr assistance.
Programs with tlie order of the dances and blanks for recording
engagc^ments for each, should be distributed to the guests as they
enter the ball-room. To each card should be attached a smaU
pencil.
Concerning the Music.
Good music is a prime necessity. An orchestra, even if it must be
a small one, is needful for a ball. Four pieces are enough : violin,
piano, violincello, or harp, and cornet. If more are desired, leave the
choice to the leader, with whom the selections will have been care-
fully talked over beforehand, and who must be furnished with a copy
'^f the dancing program.
The musicians should be concealed back of a group of flowering
shrubs at the end of the hall-way, or some other convenient nook or
corner. If there should be a balcony, a shady bower can be con-
structed for them there, and by taking out the window frame they will
be heard to perfection.
ojl r.ATM.S, DWCINd AM) MASOrKRADES.
Never, (.veil at a "small and I'arly," cK[)en(l, for llu- piani.st, upon
voiunUiT servile from amniii; the _L;uesls. In the U.v>i j)laee, it is a
tiresome and unwillingly perrt)rnied ser\iei', and in the seeond, tlure
arc fi'W am.iteurs ulio i)la\- d.ince-music \\ith sufficient correctness to
render dancing after tiuir nuisic a j)leasure.
Refreshments.
At a hall elalxMMte refreshments are to he expected, and are usually
served all the evenini;' frop.i a I'^i-;- tahle loailed with silwr ant! L,dass
and softK' hut hrillianth' illumin.ited. \o one is c-xpected to sit down
at sucli a su[)j)cr, hut the- L;uests as the}' come in, a f'W at a time, arc
served hy waiters in atttudar. -e.
l^oth hot and coUl dishes are to he had ; and suhstanti.d food, as
well as all manner of sweets, should he. furnishetl for an amusement
that hcL^ets a most unromantic hunL;er. Small i^ame hirds may he
served cold; the larger f>wi hot. Ironed turke\' (cold) is especially
liked. Game pates, o\sters, cooked or raw, all manner of trufflec.
dishes, and a varietx' of s.dads an. ser\ed, while fruits, ices, con-
fections, cakes, and so on, (hi iiifniitiiin, do fith' furnish f)rth the feast.
If tile German is to finish the oveniuL;", a se|>arate, hot su])per
shoidd he ser\'ed at its close, and the all-niL;ht suj)pi'r confined more
exclusively to cold dishes, with tlu- exception of hot drinks.
hi case of a \"ery spacious mansiiMi, the lioste'ss ma\", if she prefer,
keel) the supper-room closed until half-j^ast twihe, or one, when she
will Ljive the word. Her Iiushand should le.ul the way to supper
with some lad)' to he especial!}' honoreil. Tlie liostess should not <;o
out herself until she sees that every lady has heen properly escorted,
save in cases where she is to accomp.ui}' some very distinc^uished
gentleman who is present. In this case she delcL^ates her authorit}'
titlier to a m-own son, some other rilatiw, or to some 'Gentleman
especially appointed, who takes her jjlace in sceiiiL^ that tliere are no
9^ri(otten wall-flowers left to hlush unseen.
No i^entleman should i)resunu' to offer the liostess his escort to the
supper-room, this heini; an honor she confei's at pleasure.
THK COOUETTK
BAT.LS, DANCIXr, AND l\r ASQUFRADrS. i> 15
A small tea-room on an upper floor is very (lesiral)le at a lar*;e
gatherii\L(. Here t^uests, ladies espeeially. ean, unattendecl, seek the
refreshment of a cup of tea, coffee, cocoa, or bouillon before descend-
ing to the drawing-rooms. Gentlemen, too, may escort their wearied
partners to this haven for a moment's light refecti(^n and rest after
dancing. Iced lemonade should also be served here, and the room
never left without an attendant.
Many who do not care for a hea\y supper, are wont to resort to
this room, where tiny sandwiches, maccaroons, etc., should also be in
readiness.
A smoking-room is frequentl}' provided at large entertainments
where the gentlemen may retire. Cigars, effervescent waters, and
lemonade are furnished here, and sometimes stronger drinks. This
last, however, is a question which every hostess ,nust settle according
to her own convictions. If wines are furnished, champagne and
claret punch are the usu;d choice, and a trusted attendant should be
at hand to serve them. Those who patronize this room will, if they
wish to lay any claim to the name of "gentlemen," carefully refrain
from the slightest over-indulgence in these cooling, but deceptive
drinks.
If there should be no smoking-room set aside, gentlemen nuist
never smoke in their dressing-room. To do so is especially thought-
less and impolite.
Host and Hostess.
In giving a ball the hostess, upon whom the greatest strain will
fall, must be sure of her own ph\sical .md mental strength. To
stand for two consecutive hours in one spc^t and receive eacli comer
with the same swe^t courtesy is a severe strain upon both.
Daughters, young lady relatives or ladies invited to receive, are
usually at hand to support her. Th.e host, if there be one, does not
stand beside his wife to receive, but is usually not far away and should
assist in making the occasion an agreeable one.
Sons of the house do not seek their own pleasure at such a time,
but quietly endeavor, aided by the daughters or receiving ladies, to
24G BALLS, DANCLNG AND IVL\SQUERADES.
provide dancing and supper partners for all present. Sometimes two
or three young men are appointed beforehand to attend to this duty.
The hostess, while richly dressed, should never show any desire by
the elaborateness of her costume to outshine her guests.
Should an obtuse cabman, misled by some similarity t)f name or
error in number (as may occur in large cities), permit a perplexed
guest, perhaps a stranger, to drift across the wrong threshold, let it
be a hospitable one. The hostess, though she may not be able to
unravel the mystery, should be gracious and attentive.
Arrival and Departure.
The first move after leaving the dressing-rooms is for ladies to join
their escorts and proceed to the drawing-rooms.
In going up or down stairs the gentleman always precedes the lady
by several steps, unless they walk side by side. This rule holds good
on everj' occasion. A lady, if she wishes the gentleman's assistance
should take his right arm, thus leaving her right hand free to carry
her train. Her bouquet or fan may be carried in the hand upon his
arm.
Gentlemen and ladies never enter the room arm in arm, no matter
what their relationship may be. A lady enters somewhat in advance
of a gentleman accompanying her, but at the side of a maiden whom
she chaperons. A mother precedes her daughter.
Do not offer to shake hands with the hostess as you bow, unless
she makes the initiatory move, since where the number invited is
large the process becomes somewhat wearisome. Many hostesses
prefer to sweep a graceful courtesy as they receive their guests.
Do not remain chatting with the receiving party. A bow, and a
simple exchange of kindly inquiries, is sufficient, when you should
pass on immediately to leave room for others. A gentleman's next
duty is to search out his host and exchange the courtesies of the
evening with him. Any who may arrive late should at once search
out both host and hostess to offei a belated greeting.
A stranger who has received an invitation rhrough friends, should
BALLS, DANCLNTx AND MASQUERADES. 217
be introduced to both host and hostess and to any daughters of the
house. If a gentleman, he should be sure to invite the ladies to
dance.
At a large ball any formal leave-taking is unnecessary. To
** Fold your tents like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away,"
is quite the thing. Do not make such a stir by your going as to call
attention to your departure, apparently wishing others to take notice
of it.
The Escort.
The escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others
he may meet in the ball-room. He should assist her from the carriage,
accompany her to the dressing-room door, and after due time return
to escort her to the reception-room. He must be her partner in the
opening dance and should also put his name down for the one imme-
diately preceding supper, since it is expected that the gentleman
dancing with a lady then will take her out to supper, and there see
that all her wants are anticipated. If, for any reason, he cannot do
this, he must see that she is suitably attended ; a gentleman taking a
lady into the supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room
and leave her wherever she may desire.
If there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is
provided with partners for as many dances as she may desire ; never
dancing himself unless she, too, is on the floor, or, if she prefer, sitting
out the dance with some pleasant companion. He may introduce
other gentlemen to her, after asking her permission.
It is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion, and he
first asks what the lady's costume is to be, in order to harmonize the
color of the flowers with the shade of the dress, since it would be
most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown.
It is the lady's privilege to suggest the hour of departure. After
seeing her safely within her own door he should leave ; even if she
asks him to enter he should politely refuse, remembering, however, to
call upon her within two days.
A FRIENDLY GREETING.
248
BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUKRADLS. 219
Receiving Ladies.
Ladies called upon to assist in rcccivinij arc not to consider their
; duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the tryinj^^
hours of standing to greet her guests, but are supposed (though they
too often fail in this) to mingle with the company, seeing that strangers
and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to rem.iin Wcdl-flowers
for anv lenirth of time. Bashful men, too, must not be left without
partners, and all should be provided with escorts tt) supper.
These things are a part of the h<xstess' dul\-, but in a large enter-
tainment it is quite beyond her j)ower to attend to all the claims upon
her time.
The sons of the house, and sometimes a few other especially depu-
tized young men, must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give
pleasure to others. If the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen,
these aids frequently take two out to supper.
Daughters of the house, together with receiving ladies and the
hostess, do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied
with partners. I fowever, should the hostess be expected to acct)m-
pany some distinguished gentleman to the table, she will delegate her
duties to another.
General Rules for Observance.
Gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of thiir own family
or to friends, first asking their permission or the permission of their
chaperons. Li case of a chaperon, the iiitroduction is made first to
her and then to the young lady, and the gentleman at close of the
dance returns his partner to her chaperiMi.
Where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady, a short
promenade is often indulged in ; but if the gentleman be a stranger to
'her, she should not expect this, for he may have another engagement,
and will return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some
lady friend she may designate. In luirope this promenading is not
allowed, the young lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon
after dancing.
200 BALLS, DANCING AND AL\SQUP:RADES.
Supper beinir announced, a gentleman, having no other engagement,
offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing
and escorts her out, unless some, previous partner arrives to claim her
before his invitation is given. Once given, a lady is not free (unusual
circumstances excepted) to decline it, even though she may have
expected another to offer her the same attention. If she be accom-
panied by a chaperon, the elder lady is invited at the same time, and
it is to her that his arm is offered, the younger lady walking by her
side. For two ladies to each take an arm is not good form.
A gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance, should never
ask if she is engaged for it. He may request the pleasure or honor of
her company for the next dance, and he will learn from her answer
Avhether she be free, without compelling her to acknowledge at the
last moment that she has been hitherto unsought.
Formality of Introductions.
The request for a dance should be accompanied by a bow on the
part of the gentlemen. At its close he should thank her for the
pleasu-re, and she should return this courtesy with a smile and bow,
and a murmured "Thank you."
An introduction to a lady in tlie ball-room presupposes that the
gentleman will dance with her or walk with her through one dance.
In England, where introductions are rarely given to those invited to
an entertainment, a gentleman may ask any lady for a dance. She
will probably accept, but he must not take this as the prelude to an
after acquaintance. In America, however, it is necessary to ask some
mutual friend to first request the favor of the lady, and then, if granted,
give the introduction.
However, in case of any little accident, or sudden faintness, gentle-
men should be quick to assist, bringing an iced drink, aiding to the
dressing-room, or calling a carriage, as the case may be, without the
formality of an introduction. A gentleman may also ask an older lady
who seems left unattended at supper-time, if he may bring her some
refreshments, and this without an introduction.
BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERALK"' 251
It is very bad form for j:fcntlcmcn to stand aboir.; 1 • ball-room,
especially if there be a scarcity of dancing men present. Iwen if there
IS no one in the room for whom they particularly care, they should be
unselfish though to remember that dancing is almost the only active
form of amusement in which the majority of ladies may participate.
A young man should ask the young ladies, daughters or relatives
of the hostess, for their company in the dance early in the evening.
A r.iarried gentleman should be general in his attentions in the ball-
room. I le should not dance more than once or twice with his wife,
nor should he take her out to supper ; but he must keep a quiet out-
look over her comfort, and see that she is no wise lonely or neglected.
Attentions Paid to Ladies.
Neither should he confine his attentions in a marked manner to any
one lady. It is ill-breeding to excite the comment sure to follow
such a course. It is also bad form for any gentleman to confine his
attentions to any one lady, or, as a rule, to ask her for more than
two dances. Even engaged couples arc not exempt from this law.
Gentlemen may put down their name on a lady's program for cer-
tain dances, and the engagement should never be forgotten. If, how-
ever, this lapse should occur, the humblest apology should follow,
which the young lady, no matter how annoyed, should gracefully
accept. Ill-humor is out of place in the ball-room.
If a lad\' from weariness, or any other cause, should wish to stop at
any time in Ihe dance, the gentleman must, without any comment, at
once lead her to a seat, and remain with her until the set is finished,
notwithstanding that she may, from a spirit of kindness, request him to
seek another partner. Should she show symptoms of weariness, and
be either too timid or too thoughtful for his enjoyment to ask him to
take her from the floor, he should be quick to see, and to suggest
that she rest for a moment.
Gloves form an important adjunct to a gentleman's toilet for a
dancing party. Light colored gloves arc always good form. Gentle-
men arc expected to wear gloves w^hile dancing, since their ungloved
2ry2 BALLS DANCING AND MASQUERADES.
hands woukl not only soil the tlclicatc tints of the lady's j^lovcs, but
the slightest pressure of a warm, uncovered hand is liable to discolor
the frail gauzes, or pale silks of their ball-room toilet.
It is not amiss to be provided with an extra pair of gloves which
will be very useful should the first pair come to grief Ui)on the
same principle, two fresh handkerchiefs shoukl be carried.
If dancing is not formally announced in the invitation, gentlemen
will do well to provide themselves with gloves to be donned if that
amusement is introduced in the course of the exening. Notwithstand-
ing the royal indolence or \s him of the Prince of Wales led him some
time back to discard the use of gloves at evenin.g parties, an example
which many ultra-fashionables have followed, it still remains that gloves
arc both proper and necessary. If a gentleman attempts to dance with
out them he must hold his handkerchief in his hand in such a manner
as to prevent its contact with the bodice of the lady's gown.
Loud talking and boisterous laughter are not to be tolerated.
Scruplously avoid stepping upon the train of a lady's gown. Apolo-
gize if it accidentally occurs, and if serious damage ensue from the
awkwardness, beg the privilege of taking her to the dressing-room to
have the dam.ige repaired.
For Ladies.
Young ladies must never refuse to dance with one gentleman, and
afterward gi^'c the same dance to a « .^re favored suitor. Nothing so
quickly speaks of ill-breeding as tin- course. Ball-room engagements
should not be forgotten. Young ladies should never be so unwise as
to appear on the floor at every dance.
Daughters of the hostess should not repeatedly appear upon the
floor w^hile other lady guests are neglected. Not their own pleasure,
but the pleasure of the company should be their first care.
Ladies should not cross the ball-room alone. It invites attention.
Ladies must not burden gentlemen (unless husband or near relative)
with bouquet or fan to hold while they dance. Young ladies should
not refuse a ba'1-room introduction to a gentleman without a sufficient
reason, smce to do so is always an embarrassment to the one asking it.
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BATJ.S, D.WClXr. AXT) MASQrERADFS. 2o3
Still a lady has the privilcLjc of refusal and iiia\- not be prcsseil for a
reason. \'ounL; ehaperons shouki ne\er d.mce while their /';'('A'i,''t jr are
i)n[irov'ided with partners.
A lady removes at least one _L^lo\e while partakin<^ of supper. But
when a cup of tea, or an ice, only is taken this is not necessary.
DANCING.
Pope says: " They move easiest who have learned to dance," and
while the opinit^ns of societ}' are ijreatly divided on the subject of this
amusement, it cannot be denied that there is mucii truth in tlie
assurance that Locke L^ives us in his treatise on " lulucation:"
"Since nothing appears to me to i;i\-c children so much bccomini^
confidence and behavior a.* dancing", I think they should be taught to
dance as soon as they are capable of learning it. h'or thouL^h this
consists only in outward gracefulness of motion, . . . yet it gives
children manly thoughts and courage more than anything."
For the man\', however, to whom these early advantages have not
been given, while the dowry of a c[uick ear and natural grace has
enabled them to "pick up" this social accomplishment, a few^ liints
may be of use.
Dancing is really an art, and one that the gentleman especially
should understand (since he takes the lead) before he ventures to
'^sk a lady out upon the floor.
The gentleman should be very careful in the manner of holding his
^rtner. He should give her proper support by putting his arm
firmly around her, but not drawing her too close. Her right hantl
should be held in his left, the lady turning the right palm downward
and almost straiijhtening her riglit arm. The gentleman should bentl
his left arm slightly backward. The joined hands should be liekl
steadily but kept awa)' from the gentleman's body. To rest them
upon his hip, is actual vulgarit)'. The gentleman s right shoukler and
the lady's left, should be kept as far apart as the other shoulders,
hence his right elbow must not be too much bent. The upper part
of the body should be kept quiet, and the head held naturally, not
2r,4 r.AM,S, DANCING AND MASQUERADKS.
turned one side, uiiile the eyes are neither thrown np nor cast down
in an affected style. Their steps shoukl be in liannony and the
jjentlenian must be very careful not to permit a collision with otlur
couples.
At every slightest pause in the dance the gentleman should instantly
drop his arm from the lady's waist. In these intervals it is j)ropcr to
fan her if she desire it, and to enter into chattv conversation.
Gentlemen avoid all boisterous conduct in the dance, such as swing-
ing a partner too rapidly, or lifting her too much from the lloor. .She,
on her part, should dance light!)-, never permitting her partner to
carr}' her around, hut performing her share well, or not dance at all.
The Most Desirable Dances.
In making up a dancing program, (iua(h"illes should always fintl a
place, since many can walk through its measures that will not under-
take the more active dances. It also gives opportunity for the grace-
ful cur*^sey which no lady should fail to learn, and can be enlivened
with conversation.
To the alluring round dances, polka, schottische, waltz, etc., there
are many who strongly object, but, dancetl in private luMiies and in
most cases under the eye of the young girl's mother, there can be
found nothiiig dangerously objectionable in this favorite amusement.
The minuet is a stately, beautiful old dance that is sometimes intro-
duced, enabling both old and young to join in its slow and gracious
measure.
New steps, new changes and new dances, with the technical features
of which it is not the province of this book to deal, are continually
coming into vogue with each season, A few words, however, with
regard to the general etiquette of that justly popular dance, the Ger-
man, will be in place here. The German, called the "Cotillion" in
France and in Germany% where it originated, is tlie most fascinating
dance in social use. Balls at which it is to appear, signif\-ing that
fact in the invitations sent out are more elaborate in their arrange-
ments, and are held to a later hour, since the earlier portion of the
BALLS, DANCING AND MAS(;)UERADK!^. 255
ni^ht is devoted to waltzing and other dances, and the German is not
commenced until after supper.
Many leave before it begins, especially those who expect to make
the tour of several balls and receptions during the night. A second
and hot supper is usually served at its close, to those who participate
in its measures. Be certain when the German is to be introduced
that a sufficient number of men are invited to make the affair a
success.
The leader of the cotillion is chosen by the hostess, and should be
thoroughly familiar with all its figures, new and old ; skilled to com-
mand, and prompt to bring order out of confusion ; at the same time
energetic and good tempered. .\s there will always be .some in a
German who do not understand it, the leader must be ready to help
them (H't. Such parties should take their places near the c\u\, anti, in
this way, will become familiar with a figure before it is their turn to
dance.
No Favorites to be Allowed.
The leader will also sec that gentlemen do not neglect some ladies
for the pleasure of dancing fre([uently with more favored partners. In
this he should be assisted by the hostess, and gentlemen should never
disregard her quiet suggestion on this score. After all, "the b.'.ll-
room is a more fitting field for a display of the Christian graces than
most Evangelical people are willing to admit."
All those dancing the German must consider themselves as intro-
duced, and each lady or gentleman is free to call " up " any participant
f )r his or her partner. Li fact it is desirable that they should do so,
since by devoting themselves entirely to their acquaintance there is
chuiijer of some bein'j debarred from the amusement. For these
reasons the German is unsuited for a public ball, and fitted only for a
])nvate house where the invitation is expected to certify the character
of the guest.
Varied and beautiful are the figi 'es that may be adopted, but the
scope of this book will not permit full instructions for its elaborate
changes. One suggestion, however, is in point ; do not choose those
25G BALLS, DANCING AND MASQUERADES.
"njinpinj/" fii^ures where tlie fuii i^; liable to become too fast and
fill io us tor ball-room tlecorum. The figures requiring "properties,"
such as ribbons, flags, Japanese lanterns, aj)rons, mirrors, etc., should
have all the necessarx' articles carefully pn)vided beforehand.
During most ot the figures, " favors " are distributed ; flowers,
amusing trinkets, or sometimes jiretty little souvenirs are given.
Rosettes, scarf pins, bangles, tiny flags, artificial butterflies, bonbons
in embroidered satin bags, badges, painted silk sachets, etc., are all
appropriate. Tiny lanterns filled with perfume, and sometimes amus-
ing toys will add to the fun of the occasion. It is better taste to giv'C
simple articles than to resort to the gifts of great value that some hos-
tesses hav-e bestowed, since such living always suggests ostentation.
Flowers alone are sometimes used and it is not necessary to make the
favors a source of undue expense.
Regrets must be sent one's hostess if unable to attend a German,
that the place may be filled. If a gentleman invites a lady especially
as his partner for a German, he should send her a bouquet and if
some unforseen occurrence should prevent Ins attendance, he must at
once send her an explanatory regret to that effect.
Private Balls Given m Public.
Many hostesses, feeling the inadequacy of their parlors to accom-
modate all the guests that they wish to invite at one time, without dis-
agreeable ov^ercrowding, have adopted the custom of giving their large
entertainments at public assembly rooms. This custom, while it frees
the hostess from much care, must also be deplored as depriving the
gathering of that home atmosphere which is ever a safeguard.
The etiquette is the same as that of a private ball, and after calls
are demanded within the samo lenijth of time. The decorations and
arrangements resemble closely as possible those of a private house.
Public Balls.
Much of the etiquette given for Private Balls governs the conduct
of those attending public entertainments of the same nature, Intro-
':s' II'
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THE MASOl'EKADE AS.SE.A[DLY.
o.~-
i>.^,S iiAUb, DA.NCING AND MASQUERADES.
ductions, however, must be sought before any attentions are offered
a lady, and there is much more, care exercised in granting them
than under a private roof. Gentlemen, too, use their own pleasure in
the c;hoice of partners, not having the courtesy of their hostess to
regard in this respect.
Of course, Military, Charit}- and Civic Balls are under the charge
of trustees ;uid conmiittees, who not only take ch;u'ge of the conve-
nience of the guests, but endciwor by all means within their power tc
regulate the social standing of those obtaining ciitric to the assembly.
In many of the large cities a board of lady patronesses add prestige
and a certain home jirotecticMi to the successful carrying out of a
public ball of the highest order. It seems to supply the protection q
a hostess to the/(Vr.
A young girl, even if the omission be excused at a pri\';ite ball,
does not attend a public affair of this nature without a cliaperon,
Late hours are more especially objectional)le at public balls th;ui at a
private house. One, or half-pist. should find the adieux made.
A y(umg lady, in refusing to tlance with a gentleman, is not obliged
lo sit the tlance out as she would be ;it the house o{ a mutual friend.
She may, however, if she wish, do it in deference to his feelings.
MASQUERADES.
A few words with regard to masquerades will not be out of place
here, with the one proviso added th::t they refer exclusively to private
entertainments. Public gatherings of this nature should be shunned
as questionable amusements, excepting, of course, any case where^
from want of room, a lady may choose to give the entertainment in
some public assembly-room instead of her own parlors. This course
lends the protection of home to the charm of its veiled masteries.
A masquerade is an entertainment giving much trouble to both
hostess and guests, h.laborate decorations are necessary in the ball-
room. Invitation., for it should be issued from three weeks to a
month in advance, in order to give the guest time to choose and pre-
pare the costume to be worn.
BALLS, I)AXCL\"C; AXD M \s(Jl I.R A DLS.
2')1)
Sonlo hostesses <j;ivc their invitations for a fancy dress party only,
omitting; the feature of masks. In this .ney may act their own pltasurv^
la event of permittinL^ masks tliey must be laid aside at supper hour
THE MAmJUEKAUE.
Occasionallv the hostess arrantrcs a costume scheme tor the entire
fcfc beforehand, siL,mifyin<j^ to each <^uest the charact'M", historical or
ima^i^inaiy, that it is her pleasure he shall, f )r the time being', personify.
In this way the perfection and beauty of the ball-room are assured
260 BALLS, DAXCIXC; AM) .\L\SQUERADES.
beforehand, and rc})etition.s of time-worn characters prev^ented from
appearing upon the floor.
Choice of Costumes.
Again, the hostess may content herself b\' selecting the costumes
that she wislies a few particular friends to don, sufficient in number to
f(.)rm one or more ([uadrilles to open the ball, luich set must be care-
fully arranged as for instance, a court part}', costumed after the time
oi" Louis XIW A group (^f Watteau Shepherds and shepherdesses,
or a hunting part\' garbed after an\- chosen })eriod, etc.
The remainder of the guests ma\' be permitted to use their own
taste in the selection of costumes. A full dress rehearsal of these
c'pecia.lly arranged quadrilles sliouid be iield beforehand to ascertain
the most satisfactory method of grcniping the characters in each set.
Inxitations to an entertainment of this nature are issued like those
for ordinary balls, ridding " Jui/'-z/zast/Lu-" or "Fancy Dress Ball,"
down in the kft hand corner. When the entertain merit is to be verv
elaborate these words are gix'en an entire line, extending througli the
center of the in\itation. Occasionall)' tin- words, " Ortlinary bail dress
l)ermitted," find a plact u[)on the card, to the relief of those who prefer
to appi-ar in tlu.'ir own proper character.
The ho '.t and hostess in fuicy dress, assisted b\' daughters or friends,
all Ci'tstumed, recei\'e as in other Ixills, and the etique^*:e is in all wa\ s
similar. Some latlies, and gentlemen also, wear mask and ilomino
over the regulation part}' dress, remoxing this when the others unmask.
(juests, as far as in them lies, should seek for (.)riginalit}' in their
costumes. Historical and mythological characters, personification of
the powers and attriliutes of nature — as ice, snow, stars, ])lanets, etc. —
are alwa}'s suitable. vStandard works of fiction whose characters aie
familiar to all, as well as Mother Goose and Kate (jreenawa)', are
alwax's fruitful sources for characters, .\ccurateness shoidd be souuht
after in carr}'ing the costumes out.
[Kticjuette of Ball Dress, Invitations, etc., may be found iii their
appropriate departments.]
A SOCIAL CHAT
A LEISURE HOUR IN THE PARK.
-■• ,1/i';.''"' ■■'■ •
I-'rancc .iliiKist any social
gatlicrinLj that occurs in the
\;j c\'cnin!/ is called a Siu'rt'C.
Here in this country the te-rin soirct is applied to
an evening; entertainment that p.irtakcs of the
nature of an evening party, but is not quite so elaborate and means
earlier hours both of arrival and departure.
Sohrcs, as a rule, offer some particul.ir form of amusement, such a?
music, dancinf;, a reading ; an interchange of bright ideas, such as a
conversazione. It means also pretty e\'ening dress, not elaborate, ball
costume, and a sui)per. It attracts gentlemen, who appreciate \\\i
easy-going, early-houred soiree. That is, gentlemen who do not
particularly care for the ball-room, and it is here we are sure to find
wits and the aristocracv of intellect. In short, the \-erv best elemc.:nts
of society are found in the elegant unpretentious soiree, where the
intelligent woman of fashion has the t;ict to welcome and make at
home the artist, the author, the professional man, antl the man ol
business. The soiree has still another advantage: a lady can give
one in a small house and with very little expenditure, and if she has
the gift of entertaining, her gathering will alwavs be sought after.
Suitable Dress.
Women, as before mentioned, wear pretty evening dress (not ball
costume), and remove their bonnets, and in this way differing from
vzatinees and from morning receptions, at both of which entertain-
261
202 SOIREES, MLSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES.
mcnts bonnets arc worn. [Men wear morning dress. (See Depart-
ment of Dress.)
Receiving Guests.
For small evening parties, the host and liostess during the early
part of the evening remain near the door to receive guests. Late?
they must mingle with the company to assist in entertaining. A late
arrival, however, should be noted, though it is their place to search
out their hostess and offer tlie greetings of the evening.
As guests enter the room the liostess should advance a step tc
meet them. Her words of greeting should be first addressed to the
elder ladies of an incoming group, then the young ladies, lastly the
gentlemen. The hostess should be perfectly at her ease, having
apparently no thought beyond the reception rooms.
The Entertainment.
Where the entertainment is mixed, a little music is appropriate, a
little dancing and a little card-playing. It is well to engage some one
to play for the dancing, since guests usually do not care to preside at
the Instrument. .V violin is a great addition.
If, however, the dancing is an aftjrthought, any gentleman who is
a good pianist may offer his services to relieve any lady at the
instrument.
The hostess sliould see that conversation docs not lag. She must
not interrupt an entertaining tctc-a-tctc, unless it last too long ; but, if
conversation languish between a couple thrown together, she should
bring in a third person, or drav.' away one, while substituting la "'ther.
Invitations.
If invitations arc issued a week or ten days in advance, the hostess
has a right to expect that her guests should arrive on time, and care-
fully attired.
The form of the invitation is similar to an "At Home," as : IMrs.
Emmox3 Vax Zaxt, At Home, Thursday, June sixteenth, 'xt eight
o'clock. 2040 Westmoreland Street.
S0IREP:S, MLSICALES and lawn parties. i>03
Duty of Guests.
The hostess may ask her ^^ucsts to sing or play; but, if they refuse,
It is bad taste to ur<^e them. The hostess, if she plays or sin^s, may
favor the <^uests with a single selection after others ha\'e been heartl.
It is well for amateurs to master a few pieces that they can render
without the notes. Tills relieves one of that time-worn excuse — "I
haven't my notes." This is also the case with those who sing. By
ceasing to urge performers, the companv will be freed from much of
that repeated, coy refusal that onh" needs sufficient coaxing to comply.
When a lady is asked to i)lay or sing, the gentleman nearest her
should at once escort her to the piano, remaining near her while she
plays, and turning the music, if he be competent. lie will also take
charge of her fan, bouquet and gloves, and when the music is finished,
he will again offer his arm for her return to lier seat. At the same
time he will thank her for the pleasure she has given himself and the
company. Other guests, together with the hostess, should also
express their gratification. Never comment on the quality of the
instrument. Never offer to turn the sheets of instrumental music
unless familiar with the notes.
When any one is playing or singing, let the company preserve
silence, and if they should conv^erse, let it be in the lowest tones. To
interrupt a performer is the worst possible taste. Instrumental per-
formers have as much right to expect the courtesy of silence as
vocalists. The hostess has the privilege of indicating, to a noisy
group, by a gesture, her desire for silence. Those who will talk
should at least withdraw from the immediate vicinity of the instru-
ment. If asked to play an accompaniment, do so, not to display }-our
own accomplishments, but so as to afford the best possible support
for the singer.
MUSICALES.
A musicale, or a musical reception, is a difficult entertainment. A
program must be arranged, and sufficient amateur performers secured
to make a success of the affair. Herein comes the difficulty, amateurs,
•2r>i soiri:ks, misicalks and \a\vs ?ARr!?:s.
after a \ciy iinuillin<^ consent has hern wrung from them and their
u.imc and selection placed upon the program, arc so little to be
dependetl upon. Would that there could be found some way of oiling
the machinerv ;it a musical entertainment and of soothing the ruffled
feelings of a hostess when those most depended upon to render assist-
ar- e withdraw at the last moment for some vague reason. When
one firmly refuses at the first to appear upon the program, no offence
can l)c taken, but to withdraw for any but the most urgent reason is
an actual breach of etit^uette.
]'or this reason, those hostesses whose purses are of sufficient
length, are driven to employ j)rofessional assistance upon these occa-
sions. ,\n()ther objection to am.iteur performers is the semi-
professional jealousy existing between them as to precedence on the
program.
Performers should arrive punctu.dly, and while the order of the
program should be followed as fir as possible, no one should be
offendetl at being asked, when it is nccessar}' to play or sing out
of the order agreed upon.
Arranging the Program
If the musicale is to be entirely professional, much trouble will be
saved b}- seeking some ])rominent musician, and with him arrange the
progiam, antl letting him act for the hostess in the matter.
A profession. d artist should not be kept beyond the time agreed for,
neither should he be urged to render selections entirely different, or
largely in excess of those arranged for. The hostess should express
her pleasure, and may request some little favor. Applause is allowable,
but it must be within limits.
A courteous reception must be accorded to all performers by those
who desire their talents. The hostess should see that the piano is
carefully tuned and not keyed too high.
It is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music,
followed \)y solos, duets, quartets, etc., with instrumental music between,
A successful musicale can be held with the piano alone for music.
SOIRKKS, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIKS. 2(;5
an accompanist, and a tenor and soprano of note, hut vcr}' often a
violin is added, and soinctimcs a mandolin orchcst'-.i .iiul four or more
singers vary the program. Professional singers and musicians usually
leave wlien their numbers are over, in order to protect their throats
from night air ami the strain of conversing.
Guests should arrive early so that the confusi(in of entrance and
taking seats will be over before the music begins. If late, they should
^vait until the number then in progress is finished before taking their
places. The singular impression, so common everywhere, that at all
.society gatherings it is much more genteel to appear late upon the
scene than .it the time appointetl, lias less reason to justify it when a
musicale is the entertainment than at any other entertainment or
socT.'-y event, except a dinner. "Music, interrupted by noise, is a
failure. Tlie cards of invitation arc after this fashion:
C^^^. H7^t^i^€>ii
c^".^.
C^-/ ^/^<?<f^ie.
Qj/ifl-iJt/er /t
■J—/f^'
^rr €fh/i/ ■T! C-^^.
26
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Music.
The progi.^iiiis arc usually written instead of printed, and are some-
times hand-painted and ribbon-bedecked, and again they are engraved
on dainty cards. They are frequently enclosed with the invitations.
266 SOIREES, MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES.
If dancing is included, this is the formula :
Music. Dancing at eleven.
If the musicale Is for afternoon, it partakes of the nature of the
matinee. Bonnets are to be worn. Refreshments are not necessarily
served. The afternoon is often selected when noted stars are to sing,
since their time is taken up in the evening. The even' :g musicale,
however, is a more brilliant affair.
Replies are to be sent to these invitations, since for any entertain-
ment when all are to be seated, it is a convenience to know the
/lumber of the guests.
The drawing-room is cleared of the greater part of its furniture,
tind, if dancing is to follow, the carpet is covered with canvas, or
removed, if there is there is a hard wood floor. Camp chairs aie
provided for the guests.
Arrangement of Pe^^Jn lers and Guests.
The seating arrangements should present a clear space for the per-
formers. Too close proximity is not conducive to tranquility on the
part of the singer, apd also spoils the tone effect, Professional
SOIREES, MUSICALES AND l.AWN PARTIES. 267
sirif^crs insist upon sufficient space. Remove all ornaments of break-
able china and bric-a-brac from the vicinity of the piano, which should
be bare of cover, and admit of the lid beini; easily raised and lowered.
A bowl of cracked ice, some tumblers, and a pretty jug of water
should be placed upon a table near the piano. Good ventilation
should be ensured. A reading or recitation can be introduced into a
musical program with good effect, and a long program should be
divided by a recess for conversation, and to permit those to retire who
do not wish to remain to tiie end.
If dancing follows, the camp chairs arc removed, or placed where
they can be used. Supper is also served before the dancing. Cigars,
matches and ash trays are usually found in the library by the gentle-
nun, or the cigars are placed in the cloak room to be smoked on the
journey home. Either plan, or their omission altogether, is eminently
proper.
A day musicale calls for morning dress for men, and a visiting or
walking toilet for women. An ev^cning affair, with dancing, calls for
evening dress for both.
la\a;'n parties.
"A green lawn, a few trees, a fine day, and something to cat are
really all the absolute requirements of a garden party." If true, this
places the pleasant mode of entertaining our friends in the power of
many people of moderate means. In remote country localities these
parties are very delightful, particularly if city friends are guests for the
Summer.
When properly conducted, a garden party may be given with V(jry
little trouble, and made \er\' simple and informal, brt if desired may
be made elaborate and cereuK^nious.
When only neighbors arc; to be entertained, a hasty invitation, so as
to be sure of fine weather, may be sent two or three days in advance,
but when guests are expected from any distance it is customary to
send invitations eight or ten days in advance, as suitable preparations
must be made. ,
268 SOIREES. MUSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES.
These Invitations arc usually cnLjravcd on handsome, plain note
paper, anc' may be in this form :
(^^- „..r/ ,Plji^ e/rr^^S :7?^^^
Garden Party. Jfapk Grove.
When fjuests are to eome bv mil it is well to scinl a eard statlna
tlie hours at wliicli trains arrive ami leave the station. Then if ear-
riages are to meet the train, on a eard enelosed nn'ght be printed :
Carriages Zi'ill meet the j.jo train from Union Depot.
A lady, also, may Invite licr friends to a garden parly Ijy sending
her visitinc: card with "Tennis" or "Garden Partv " written in the
lower left hand corner, and day and hour in the lower right hand
corner, or under her name. It is well sometimes to specify the time
of closing.
At a garden party the hostess receives her guests on the lawn, or
in the garden, wearing her hat and gloves. But guests should always
be Invited to the house to take off their wraps, or arrange their toilet
if desired. Of course, a maid servant should be in the dressing-room
to attend their wants.
The thoughtful hostess will take care to have everything in rcadi-
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SOIREES, MCSICALES AND LAWN PARTIES. 269
iiess for the comfort and entertainment of the company. Rugs should
be laid on the grass for the accommodation of those not accustomed
tc standing on the ground, and eas\' chairs provided for delicate or
aged ladies who may be present, so all may enjoy the party without
fear of the consequence.
Amusements to be Provided.
Much tact is required to properly entertain guests at a garden party,
and prevent them from wandering aimlessly about the grounds.
Ample amusements must, therefore, be provided.
The lawn tennis ground must be in perfect order, croquet sets in
readiness, archery tools supplied, as well as arrangements for all kinds
of suitable i^ames made. Music is a ver\' tlelightful atldition to the
pleasure of such an occasion, and should always be had, when prac-
ticable.
Ladies wear hats or bonnets at a garden party, and should dress
otherwise appropriately. If a plain, informal affiir, the (hxss should
be simple and becomin^, and if games like lawn tennis or archery are
among the amusements, light flannel dresses are suitable. But if
invited Ut a ceremonious lawn party, where st}'le will prevail, hantl-
some though simple toilets are re(|i!ired. Picturescjue costumes ma\'
be made very effective on the grass and under the trees, and ladies of
taste have a fine field for displaying it upon such occasions.
Many very fashionable people conduct the garden party in the st\ie
of an afternoon tea, receiving and entertaining their guests in the open
air until ready to serve refreslnnents, when all are invited to the
dining-room tt) partake of them. This mode is very convenient and
quite pleasant, though it divests the occasion of nmch of the novelty
and charm belonging to it.
When the refreshments are to be served in the garden or lawn, of
course the tlishes must all be cold, and may consist of salads, paics,
pressed meats, Charlottes, jellies, ices, cakes, lemonade and iced te: .
A cup of hot tea should always be in readiness in the kitchen for
those ladies desiring it.
A LAWN PARTY,
270
SOIREES, iviUSiCALEB AND LAVvX PARTIES. 2? I
Servants should be well trained when in attendance to prevent
confusion. Dishes, knives, forks and spoons should be removed wheii
used, and put in baskets or trays in readiness for them, and a fresh
supply brought to replace them.
Tables and Refreshments.
Numbers of small tables, with pretty, fuicy covers, and colored
napkins, should be set around under trees, near fountains and otlu-r
suitable places, with camp-stools for the accommodation of guests
when partaking of refreshments.
Servants should to be very careful in going from place to place with
dishes to be served never to spill or drop the contents on ladies dresses.
Gentlemen m:iy help the ladies, if they prefer, and wait on them-
sjlves, requiring the servants only to remoxe the dishes and replenish
the pitchers with lemonade, milk or water.
Fruits, pineapj)jes, strawberries, raspberries, peaches and grapes are
served at garden parties, and should be of the finest qualit}'.
Ices are a very aceej^table a'klition to an out-door entirtainment,
being light and refreshing for warm weather; the)' are serxed in fanc\-
paper cups, laid on ice platjs.
For ladies desiring t(i give garden p.arties, the following bill of fue
will be found srfhrient :
Cold Rolls. Mixed Sandwiches. Brown Bread. Pickled Tongue,
Pate de foic gras Jellied Chicken. Cold lairds.
Lobster Salad. Charlotte Russe. Biscuit. Glaces. Fancy Cakes.
Fruits. Lemonade. Iced Tea. Strawberr)' Acid.
In I^ngland the refreshments are always served in a niarqiicc (hu'ge
tent) on the lawn.
For such outdoor entertainments foods that require little use of
knife and fork should be chosen ; sandwiches should never be made of
sliced meats as they are awkward to handle. Crusts should be trimmed
off, and the filling shredded or grated to a paste, and highly seasoned.
For the same reason hot drinks should be dispensed with as far as
272 SOIREES, MUSICALES AM) LAWN PARTIES.
possible. Glasses are to be filled but two-thirds full. None of these
precautions are necessary when the refreshments arc served indoors.
For the out-of-doors feast a number of small tables should be pro-
vided ; cover with fancy cloths and on them place piles of plates
alternating with folded napkins, breadbaskets, or trays heaped with
sandwiches and buttered tea biscuit, baskets of fancy cakes, and
plenty of reserve napkins. Have some of the assistants pass these,
beginninL,^ with the plates, and to the maidservants leave the service
of tea, coffee, cream and sugar (when these are given) and other
drinkables.
hy this time the gentlemen who first assisted will have been served
and the maids can turn their attention to the ices. Ice cream can be
served as above, and ices in glass cups ; aftci this the maids can
gather up the dishes in baskets. A caterer ma\' be called upon to
furnish the feast, in v.hich event all trouble will be spared tile hostess.
Do not use the best glass and china at these entertainments ; the
danger of breakage is too great.
At man)' gatherings a special talkie is supplied for the gentlemen,
where soda-water, claret cuj), and sometimes wines are served. The
men help themselves, but a manservant is present to supply fresh
glasses, etc. Tiiis table (k-pends entireh' upon the principles of the
hostess. If no hours are mentioned, the guests usually disperse about
dusk, unless dancing is provided for those who wish to sta}' and
enjoy it.
Seats.
The business of providing seats is a comparatively trifling affair
when there are to be young people present, who prefer clean turf or
the piazza steps to any more luxurious lounging place. For the older
guests, less unconventional accommodations may be devised. Light
rockers, camp chairs, wooden or wicker settees are pretty, and in har-
mony with the rustic nature of the reception. It is well, also, to have
rugs or strips of carpet laid about, lor the benefit of those who dread
the dampness that some imagine rises from the ground even in the
midst of the most obstinate drought. Cushions are invaluable at
SOIREES, MUSICALi:s AM) I AW N PARTIES. '27:\
duch times, whether used as footstools for the more deHcate j^uests,
to soften porch steps, or to convert stumps and ijrassy knolls into
divans, for those who like low seats, but yet have a tlue regard for
their bones or dresses.
A charmini;, and thoroughly rustic style of seat, can he formed of
dry, .sweet hay. Tossed up in generous piles, to make couches, or
lieaped against the trunks of trees to simulate arm chairs, they jiro-
vide resting places that are not onl)' luxurious, but uncomnKMi. The
costliest upholsterer can furnish n(^ chairs or sofas more softly padded
or more deliciously j)erfumed than these. With rugs or sliawls
thnjwn over them, to guard the garments of their occupants from any
possible injur}' from moisture or from crushed insects, tluy are all
that the most fastidious could demand.
Hammocks, also furnished witii cushions, are always comfortable
and picturesque, v.hile screens are valuable additions to the furniture
of this open-air drawing-room. Covered with cretonne, felt or paper
of any shape and size, these are almost indispensable for shielding
from draughts in breezy weather, or sheltering from obtrusive sunlight
on a sultry day.
Lawn Parties for Charity.
In case of a charitable object, the refreshments arc disposed of at
reasonable prices. In this case the menu should be restricted to a
few articles. Berries, ice cream and cake are frequently sufficient;
coffee can be added. Dainty buttonhole boutjuets shcndd also be
provided and sold to the gentlemen for prices in advance of their
value. Afterward, with the piazza for a stage, a little program of
music, singing and recitations can be carried out.
At any garden party, music and singing are in order, and at very
grand affairs, paid musicians of note are engaged. Orchestras also are
frequently somewhere on the grounds.
i8
I •# ••••'
reQKfa5t5
•and lea5-
BREAKFAST or a
luncheon is somewhat
less formal than a din-
ner and, hence, so much the
more delightful.
The breakfast part)' includes both gentlemen and ladies while, as a
rule, the lunclieon is an entertainment given to ladies. The invita-
tions to a breakfast may be written, engraved or verbal. If a large
number of guests are invited to meet some distinguished stranger,
engraved invitations are issued.
Five days or a week's notice is usually considered sufficient, but if
distinguished wits and scholars are to be secured, it is well to give a
longer period, since their time, always in demand, should be bespoken
well in advance. A reply to the invitation is a necessity, because the
hoste.>s wishes time, in case of non-acceptance, to secure another guest.
Where the breakfast is less stately in character, an informal note,
written by the hostess, in the first person, is a pleasant method, or
simply written on the lady's visiting cards under the name in this form :
Breakfast, Tuesday, ten o'clock, February fifteenth.
Artificial light is out of place, and sunshine should flood the apart-
ment, while a certain airiness and daintiness should pervade the table
appointments, quite the opposite of the elaborate display that charac-
terizes the dinner party. Flowers should form the decorations of the
table. Breakfast parties are a very convenient mode of social enter-
tainment for those whose limited means will not admit of a more
extensive display of hospitality,
274
MtvVRFASrS, LCJNCHEOXS AND TEAS. l^To
Ten o'clock is tlie usuiil hour, though it may be as late as twelve,
thus differing from the luncheon, which is never earlier than one.
lireakfast parties are a favorite reunion with literary people, who
generally take the morning hours for leisure, leaving brain work until
later in the day, Sidney Smith said he liked breakfasts, "because no
man was conceited before one o'c'cjk in the day."
In serving breakfast the bill of fare, unless for special occasions,
should never be elaborate, but rather dainty and attractive, as the
.appetite usually needs tempting at this early liour; fewer courses of a
more delicate variety should be served than at other meals. The
hostess dispenses the coffee, tea and chocolate from the head of the
table ; the substantial are set in front of the host, who may help the
plates and hand them to the waiter to serve ; the vegetables and other
dishes may be handed from the side table.
Concerning the Viands.
It is well-bred to serve the breakfast with as little formality as pos-
sible, and with as few attendants ; one servant, a maid, or man
servant is sufficient unless the part)' is unusually large.
If grape-fruit be used for a first course, or orange skins filled with
juice, a wreath of smilax on each plate makes a pretty decoration.
A breakfast should invariably begin with fruit, followed by a course
of eggs. This latter is one of the essentials, and offers a greater
variety than is perhaps known outside of France. A Spanish omelette,
if properly made, is a thing to be treasured among the "pleasures of
memory." Stuffed eggs, or hard boiled eggs cut in slices, with a
bechamel or white sauce, are appropriate and generally liked. A fish
course, an entree, one meat, a salad and a sweet course should follow
next in order, concluding with coffee. The entree and the meat may
form one course, if a slice of duck with olives, fried chicken or some
such dish be selected.
Ices of all kinds are entirely out of place at a breakfast. An
omelette soufflee, peaches with cream, or best of all a fruit salad, are
within the proprieties. This last never fails to call forth enthusiastic
27(] BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
a])prcciation. It is simply made, and keeps perfectly ft^r two or three
days. Haifa dozen oran^^^cs should be peeled, leavinL,^ no particle t)f
the white adherin^^ and then cut in small pieces. Half a ripe pine-
apple, broken with a fork into bits and sugared to taste, and four
bananas sliced, are mixed v.ith the oranges, and the whole put on ice
for three or four hours. This will be found a dish rivalling the
ambrosi?. of high OK'mpus.
With the first course of fruit, finger-bowls are in readiness, but are
removed at its close. Hot breads and breakfist cakes are always
suitable, and oatmeal, carefully cooked and servetl with thick cream
and powdered sugar, often follows the fruit. The closing course
should be hot cakes served with Iioney or maple syrup.
If there are ladies present, or the hostess presides, the coffee,
chocolate, etc., are poured by her, and after the first course she asks
the guests when they will have it sened.
The following will be found an acceptable bill of fare for an ordinary
]:)reakfist part}'. It can of course be varied to suit the convenience
and taste of liousekeepers.
Bill of Fare for Breakfast.
Melons. Grapes. Oranges. Fried Perch with Sauce Tartare.
Young Chickens with Cream Gravy. Saratoga Potatoes.
Poached Eggs on Toast. Broiled Quails. Baked Mushrooms.
Tomatoes or Celery. Bread and Butter.
Crackers. Hot Cakes. Coffee. Tea. Chocolate.
If a butler serves at a breakf^^ist he does not wear full dress as at a
dinner.
Wedding Breakfast Menu.
A menu that would be easy to prepare for a wedding breakfast
would be two hot dishes consisting of chicken croquettes, lobster
cutlets, oyster patties or creamed oysters. Iwerything else might be
cold and as follows : salad, either chicken or lobster, pickled oysters,
a small wedding cake, little cakes for the bridemaids, Charlotte russe
and coffee. The table decorations should either be all white, or the
'4'
.f:
-'<A/*-.ii' ■■■'■■
COOLING DRAUGHT AFTER A TEN MILE RUN
o
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BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 277
colors used in the britlemaitls' costumes. Let the waitresses be
dressed in white.
The simplest costume is in good taste for breakfast parties. Men
wear mornin<^ dress, and ladies handsome but plain street costumes.
Gloves are removed before goin<;- to the table. Pxtnnets are kept on.
l^ach i;"entleman is <^iven the escort of a latU'. The host conduct.^
the lady who is the most tiistint;"uish(;d L;"uest to the table, and the
hostess follows last with the gentleman whom it is desired to honor
particularly.
L^pon entering the dining-room the ladies are assisted to their scats,
and the gentlemen then follow, and the meal is served. The signal
for rising from the table is given b\' the hostc;ss, with a smile and
simple bow, and all proceed to the parlor, exchange a few pleasant
remarks, and take their leave.
Vfir inform.il breakfasts no after-c.dl is expected, but for cere-
monious entertainments of this kind the same observance ot the rules
of eti([uette are rei[uired as for dinners and large parties.
Guests should not remain more than half an hour after le.tving tbs.
table, and many do not even return to the drawing-room.
A Bachelor Breakfast.
If a breakfast has been given by a gentleman to ladien ind gentle
men, the lady who chaperones it and presides as hostess, receives al,
the attentions of a l.uiy in her ou n home. The host calls upon her
soon after the event, and also calls upon his lady guests. Gentlemen
usually give their breakfasts at fashionable hotels or restaurants.
A Golden-Rod Breakfast.
This is a pretty countr\' entertainment. It can be given out of
doors under wide-spreading trees. For the one in mind, great roots
of golden-rod were dug up and transplanted into jardinicr.s (stone jars
in this case) and a hedge of th.c nodding \'eliow pliirres placed all
about.
The carpet was of checkered sunshine ami sh.Mk', ar.d the green
278 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
canopy of the leaves made the scene a perfect one. The <Tucsts,
arriving at ten o'clock, were ushered into tlie rustic breakfast room.
Four tables were used. On one pure white damask napery was
enlivened by low baskets of maidenh.iir fern, and spra}'s of the same
delicate plant tied with balj}* ribbon of L;reen gav'e a cool look to the
whole. The largest table was resplendent with cut glass vases filled
witii golden-rod. White asters gave a hint of autumn's snow to the
third table, and the ingenuit}^ of tin: hostess found pleasure in deco-
rating the remaining one with the delicate grasses and rich-colored
small fruits of autunm. Gold-banded china, cut glass and silver,
which had been in the family for three generations, supplemented the
tloral charms of the tables.
Choice Blending of Colors.
Autumn and vellow were the main ideas which truided the selection
of the menu for this go!den.-rod breakfast. ]'Aer\-thing possible was
in the yellow tint or rich golden brown. With plenty of cream and
fresli eirtis .ml the fresh fruits of the fu'in to work with the menu
was an easy (^ne t() furnish. Ices served in the shape of tiny melons
and cakes decorated with froste-d sugar. As a memento of the feast
each guest retained her name card which bore a spray of pressed
golden-rod fastened with narrow yellow ribbon, and on it in golden
script a verse witli some thought suggested by autumn or the flower.
Tiny garden hats of yellow straw, filled with golden-rod, accom-
panied the name cards. The golden-rotl in itself proved a veritable
gokl mine as a help to conversation. Discussions as to whether or
not it should be chosen as the national flower ; descriptions by travel-
ers of where they had seen it growing best, bright quotations of
fav^oritc authors leading to discussions of poems or books by these
authors, anecdotes of travel all followed each other and naturally,
led by the clever hostess who, in her quaint gown of yellow, with
golden-rod in her belt and a spray tucked close to the wide tortoise
.ihell comb which held her golden h lir, looked like the personification
of the flower she had honored at her breakfast,
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 27'J
Wine at a breakfast is optional. If used, two varieties arc enough,
and should be in keeping" with the prineipal dishes ; ckiret, sherry,
Burgundy are suitable.
LUNCHEONS
A luncheon is usu.dly an entertainment given by a woman to
women. From whatever cause, luncheon parties are rajndly gaining
j)opularity among us. IVIacaulay wrote, " Dinner p.irtics are mere
formalities, but you invite a man to breakfast because >'ou want to see
him," and the same may apply to luncheon parties for ladies, these
being almost exclusively their affair.
Invitations to small luncheons are usually very informal, and may
be written in the style of a familiar note of friendship ; or a visiting
card may be used, underneath the name of which is simply written :
Luncheon at one o'clock, Thursday, January eight.
The repast may l)e elaborately made up of salads, oysters, small
game, chocolate, ices and a variety of tlishes which will destroy the
ip[)etite for dinner, or it ma)' simpl\- consist of a cup (jf tea or cholo-
ate, thin sliced bread and butter, chip beef or cold tongue, but there
is the same opportunity to display good taste and a well-appointed
table as at a grander entertainment.
Latlies attentl formal luncheons in very elegant street or carriage
costumes. The\' wear rich and becoming bonnets, which they do
not take off. They appear with gloves, removing them when seated
at the table.
The toilet of the hostess may be as elegant as she wishes, any-
thing, in fact, short of an actual evening costume.
Luncheons of ceremony are sometimes given in honor of distin-
guished guests, or upon special occasions, instead of dinners, and may
then be very stylish affairs. Flowers should be artistically arranged,
both for the adornment of the parlor and dining-room and the table
more sumptuous, though always dainty; broiled delicacies, such as do
not require carving, take the place of joints, and too rich dishes, with
salads, oysters, croquettes and ices; bouillon is very generally served
at large or small lunches, as is also chocolate with whipped cream.
280 BRi:.\K FASTS, TRUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
Tea is not expected to l)e present on these occasions. Coffee,
served without cream after kmcheon in the prettiest little cups th-s
hostess can muster, is generally at hand.
The table may be decorated with flowers and fruit as a center-piece,
around which should be placed glass dishes c-f fancy cakes, and bon-
bons.
At very formal luncheons each dish is served as a separate course.
Instead of coffee being served in the drawing-room, as after dinner,
the hostess dispenses it at the luncheon table.
The invitations to fashionable, elaborate luncheons should be hand-
somely engraved after the following style :
^^^ c^^Ai./, -JU-^/^v/- _^-^.^-D
The toilets of the ladies attending should be elegant, and always
appropriate to the occasion.
The hostess usually leads the way to the table, keeping the most
distinguished guest at her right, the others following" and seating thei;i-
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 281
selves as they choose. Guests nre not cxpecterl to remain lon^ijcr
than half an hour after they return to the parlors.
Calls are a polite acknowledgment after receivin<]f hospitalities, and
should be made within a few tlays after the enttrtair.mtnt.
If gentlemen are invited, and the master of the house is present, the
guests proceed to the dining-room in the same order as at a formal
dinner 2)art\'. If the luncheon is given in honor of some particular
individual, this fact should appear upon the invitation. The following'
is a good form :
o
CZyrH^}'^. Y /-yz-^-^^v//!^
^'vHer/'ffe^i/.i ///e j/ /eef^Srr >e ^ / ^fr^rr> rrj^?Arf^/Y rr / /^fMr^^er^^/ ,
(^ji. (:^7fi'jr/'fY, cJ^/'-f
^'^'^y//^'
(&fi- -///.,f«f y<
j^e>ji(yii^coi^e J^ere-
if/afe-tz-^.^
One o'
cloik.
1 80 J Chestnut
Street.
The rooms are usually darkened for an elaborate luncheon, anc*
artificial lighting resorted to. Wax candles are the most pleasing,
their radiance having a softening effect.
Nowadays there are candles in the market warranted not to drip,
Hnd made not nlully of wax, but of some composition which burns
brilliantly and slowly. They average eight to the pound, and cost
something like twenty-five or thirty cents a pound. No li^ht is so
282 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
satisfactory or so bccomin^^ as candlclit^ht. When the" great question
of illumination and flowers is settled, there remains one more oppor-
tunity for indivitlual tast. . for uon-bons, salted almonds and olives
may be disposed here antl there in small dishes of cut glass or silver.
The usual hour at which to take leave after luncheon is three
o'clock, and, unles."* pressed to tlo so, luncheon guests should not
remain beyond this hour, thus avoiding any inconvenience to a hostess
in the matter of her afternoon engagements. Of course, the hour of
leaving depends on the hour at which the luncheon is given.
Luncheon Refreshments.
The refreshments must not be heavy, for the reason that many of
the guests may be expecting to attend a dinner or evening party that
same day. If a butler serves at a luncheon he does not wear full
dress, as at a dinner party.
Only light wines are offered at a ladies' luncheon, and more fre-
quently none at all. Mineral waters and pure water arc supplied.
Entering the Dining-Room.
Ladies who are intimate with the hostess often arrive half an hour
before the time set for the luncheon and chat with the hostess.
Usually there is no formality in entering the dining-room. The
hostess leads the way with the honored guest, if there be one, on
her right. The ladies go down together, talking as they go. If
there are gentlemen present, they follow. Once there, they seat them-
selves at random, with the exception of the host and hostess, who
seat themselves at the head and foot of the table.
Again, it may happen that the guests, when they reach the table,
find name cards at each plate to designate the place to occupy. These
often arc simple bits of pasteboard with a gilded edge which the
hostess buys and writes thereon her guests' names. This is espe-
cially the case if other favors are given.
Where the luncheon is very informal the entire menu frequently
consists of cold dishes, such as boned turkey, boned ham, raw oysters,
■' ;EAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 283
salads of all kinds, chickens, fruits, fruit salad. Bavarian cream, or
other creams, fancy cakes, pate dc foic gras, etc. The colTcc is hot.
Let the hand of the caterer be kept as much as possible out of
luncheon.
Lunch or Luncheon.
There has been much questioning; as to the distinction between the
words " lunch" antl " luncheon," which arc often used interchangeably.
The latest and best definition would be, that a lunch is a meal to be
partaken of informally by the members of a household, at midday or
before going on some pleasure excursion. Luncheon, on the contrary,
signifies a form of entertainment given after breakfast and before the
evening dinner hour. It is a meal of compliment and more frequently
extended to ladies alone.
The imitations given for a luncheon are issued on the same prin-
ciple as those for a breakfast. /\ ><Hmg perf(jrmer, vocahst or elocu-
tionist, is often introduced at a luncheon.
Luncheon Favors.
Favors for a luncheon may be very elegant, or only simple and
pretty. A single rose laid at each plate is frequently all that is given.
Name cards are often made to serve as souvenirs. A very new and
pretty design for a name card is made of a plain white or cream
square envelope, painted with a dainty design of violets.
Where the name is to be seen, an opening like that of a picture
frame is cut through the face of the envelope, a line of narrow gilding
finishing the edge. The name of the guest is written on a plain card
and put inside the env^elope so as to show through the opening.
Some other small graceful flower in place of the violet is sometimes
painted on it with good effect ; and if one color, as yellow, for instance,
predominates in the table decoration, a design of jonquils or butter-
cups is chosen.
A cardboard rest is tied in at the top of these envelope cards by
a narrow ribbon caught through two little slits in the envelope over
tng one in the rest itself. They are then stood around the tabic Uke
284 I'.REAKFASTS. LUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
dainty little pictiirc frames, which in reality they are, making the most
ciiarmin^ soiuenirs when taken home .md .i sni.ill photograph suljsti-
tutec! for the eard with the name on it.
Some (piaint and pretty conceit is .ilwa\-.s soni^lit after for f.ivors.
'loo expensive articles sugi^est a tlesire for displa\'. Painted satin
baL^s or other fancy rtceptacles, filled \\ith choice confectionery, are
always acceptable, especialK- ;'it a ladies' lunciieon. If the satin b.ii;
can be turned into an opera bag, so much the lietter. Tiny baskets,
purchased for a trifle, and metamorphosed by m^ans of a little gold
l)aint, and a bow of ribbon on the handle, into dainty flower-holders, are
also pretty. 1 land-p.iinted book covers are suitable, and, again, fms
arc much admired. Those of Japanese .style can be bought reasonably.
I'avors for gentlemen, such as fancy pocket pincushions, small coin
purses, scarfpins, sleeve-buttons, etc., are more useful than ladies'
favors, but not so ornamental on the table. A pair of oars, artisti-
cally carvetl, are appropriate' for the athletic-minded. Silk handker-
chiefs with initials are also proper. Little silver bonbonitr.^ arc nice
^or women, and silver matchboxes for men.
Some Betrothal Luncheons.
The bride-elect entertains her girl friends at luncheon, and revives
all the old innocent superstitions to add merriment and interest to the
occasion, notable among them the ring baked in the cake, the chance
recipient of which will be first to wear the orange blossoms.
One of the prettiest of these luncheons was given on occasion of the
announcement of the betrothal of the young hostess, and a veritable
"feast of roses" was the result. As was proper, everything was
coulcur de rose — even the light in which the guests saw each other
shone through dainty candle shades formed wholly of pink silk rose
petals.
The central cpcrgnc, holding a luscious mass of bridemaids' roses,
was laid on a circle of filmy, transparent "bolting cloth," the edge of
whic'i was embroidered with a WTcath of pink roses of natural size and
varied shades. Even the salt was contained "in tlie heart of a rose" —
FREE FROM THE RRSTKAINTS OF SOCIETY.
OUT FOR HEALTHFUL EXERCISE
BRKAKKASrS, TXUMCHKONS AND TKA^, 2s;i
tiny little porcelain affiiirs — orii^inaliy intended for candlesticks, but now
ap|)r()priately used for the symbol of hospitality.
Dresden cupids, in pretty and artistic poses, held dishes filled with
candied rose leaves and heart-shaped cakes covered with pink icint;.
A wreath of paper roses surrounded the drop-lii^dit above the table;
the ladies' names were written on rose-petals (t)f cardboard), the sorbet
was in the form of pink roses and flavored with the cordial parfalt
amour, while the ice cream repeated the design, and was sei ved in a
garden hat of straw-colored candy wreathed with natural roses. The
human flowers around the table aj^ainst such a back<^round of '' sweet-
ness and li.Ljht" matle the scene one to be remembered.
Blue and "White Tableware.
A contrast to the foregoing^ (which was, perhaps, rather suggestive
of languors and luxury) was a daint\-, prim little luncheon, where the
table decorations were all of the soft delf, blue and white.
The centerpiece hekl bluets and " marguerites," that carrietl one's
thoughts far afield, and brought memories of flower-scented breezes
and of jo}^s, healthful, pure and vivifying.
The service was entirely of blue and white delf china, and the
quaint candelabra, of like material, were decorated with crimped paper
candle shades repeating the same colors. Under the dish holding the
flowers was a square of linen embroidered in blue. The design was
an exact copy of that on the china.
The candlelight merely illuminated the little shades and added to
the effectiveness of the decorations, but its pale beams were lost in the
sunshine that streamed into the room and lighted up the intelligent
faces of the women about the table.
Each guest read on the reverse side of her name card a little
rhyming assurance of her welcome. For instance :
" If wishes were dishes,
These should be so rare,
You would vow that you never '
Had tasted such fare ! t
28(5 BREAKFASTS, LUXCHKOXS .^ST) TEAS.
"If wishes were riches,
A feast should be spreaa
That would tempt old Lncullus
To rise from the dead.
"But, since wishing is vain.
Take the will for the deed,
And the warmest of welcomes
I offer instead."
A Dresden Luncheon.
A Dresden luncheon is a dainty and flowery style of entertainment
for springtime, that is considered a more perfect combination of the
exquisite and the elegant than any artistic gathering yet seen. The
keynote is the blending everywhere upon the table of the delicate
Dresden china colors, blue, pink, yellow and violet.
The fine flowers seen upon the royal china are scattered in embroidery
ov^er the linen centerpiece ; on this stands a Dresden bowl holding an
old-fashioned nosegay of pink rosebuds, hot-house daisies with their
yellow centers, pansies and heliotrope. These arc tied loosely together
with a bow of blue ribbon, which gives the needed touch of that coJor,
unless one is able to get natural forget-me-nots or some other fine
blue flowers, like scillas. A few airv and smaller bunches of the same
flowers, in little cut-glass stands, are placed about the table. The
candelabra have pink rose shades.
The finger-bowl mats are embroidered to match the Dresden flower
centerpiece, and floating in the water of the bowls are the different
flowers — a few rose petals in one, a daisy in another and a pansy in
another until each has one. liv^ery cup, saucer, plate or dish used is
of Dresden china, the greater the variety of their shapes the prettier.
The ice cream is ser\ed in small satin cases, in the different pale
colors, blue, pink, violet and yellow. When boxes in these colors
cannot be procured plain white is used. On the top of each is tied a
little bunch of satin flowers composed of tiny pink rosebuds, blue
forget-me-nots, a daisy, a bit of heliotrope, or a few violets.
BREAKFASTS, T.UXCHEOXS AXl) TEAS. 287
At the place of each guest is a name card, done in the Dresden
design. The cards are made of water-colors paper and tlie design
painted in water-color. The color of the painted ribbon bows in the
designs given varies in the different cards in blue, pink, yellow and
violet, and where the loop end extend over the edge they are cut out,
making the ribbon look more realistic.
The sign of all Dresdenware from the ro}-al factories is the tiny
blue crossed swords on the rev-erse or bottom of the dish, without
which no piece is genuine ; so on the back of the cards one must be
sure to paint the sword sign in just the right shade of old blue, thus
making complete the idea of a veritable feast of royal Dresden.
CONCERNING TEAS.
The distinction between five o'clock teas, kettledrums, afternoon
receptions and high tea, is not V'ery clearly drawn. Strictly speaking,
the afternoon or morning reception is the most formal, and has been
dwelt upon in a former chapter.
High Tea.
This is really the evening supper, which has also been described in
detail, although sometimes the "high tea" is spread for an earlier
hour than the supper, say seven or eight o'clock. The ladies come in
visiting costume, and the gentlemen in morning dress in country towns.
In cities, sometimes, dress coats and light gowns are considered essen-
tial. Guests are expected to spend the evening.
Where there are two rooms, such as dining-room and parlor, or two
parlors, the tables can be laid in one room, while the guests are
assembling in the other. Often, however, the hostess can command
but one large room in which to entertain her friends. In this case,
the little tables can be brought in by a servant and spread in the pres-
ence of the guests without the least breach of propriety. After the
meal is over, the dishes are quickly carried out on trays and the tables
either taken from the room or left where they stand for cards or any of
the many pencil-and-paper games that are pleasant at such gatherings.
!>88 BRKAKFASTS, TRUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
One waitress, if quick and cleft, can readily wait on a dozen people,
especially if all the necessary articles for chani^int^ the courses, plates,
silver, etc., are arranj^ed on a side table in the room or outside the
door.
There are many attractive menus that can be suggested for teas,
but the following seems to demand as little home labor for satisfactory
results as any other. The word tea, by the way, is something of a
misnomer, as at these entertainments the beverages are almost invari-
ably coffee or chocolate, or both, tea being left entirely out of the
question.
Menu.
Bouillon. Bread. Crackers. Celery. Pickled Oysters.
Chicken Salad. Peanut Sandwiches. Olives. Salted Almonds.
Chocolate. Coffee. Ice Cream, h^mcy Cakes. P'ruit.
Serve the bouillon in cups, and be sure that it is very hot. Have
a thin slice of lemon flo.iting on the surface of each cup. Pass
crackers (the Zeph}'r or Snowflake brands are best,) with this, and
choice blanched celery. If the tables are set before the guests arrive,
it is well to have a couple of short stalks of celery laid at each plate
and spare that amount of waiting. Have each cup and saucer set in
a plate, and take all three pieces off at once. Either tea or coffee
cups may be used, and it is, of course, unnecessary to have them
match.
The pickled oysters, with not too much liquor, may either be served
on the .same plate with the salad or separately. Glass or china dishes
may hold the salad and oysters. I'^orks should be used with this
course. The sandwiches must be neatly piled on fringed napkins on
bread plates, and must be passed several times, and the oliv^es and
.salted almonds may fill small glass dishes. The olives may be helped
with a fork or spoon or w^ith the fingers, the almonds may be served
with spoons. The coffee and chocolate should be poured out at a
side table, and sugar and cream passed with them to each person.
The ice cream should also be served off the table and passed in the
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 289
plate or saucer from which it is to be eaten. The cakes should be
prettily arran<^cd in a cake dish with a doily under them. The fruit
should be placed on a flat salver, as high piled dishes are apt to be
top-heavy and difficult to pass. Oranges, bananas, grapes, the last
cut into rather small bunches, make a pretty array. Each guest must
be supplied with a fruit plate, doily, finger-bowl, fruit-knife and fork
or spoon. Souvenirs are sometimes given, or attractive menu cards
are used.
Five O'clock Teas, or "At Homes."
Some ladies make it a point to be "at home" almost every day at
a certain hour, and serve tea or cofiee in their drawing-rooms, accom-
panied by either wafers, maccaroons, fancy cakes, or small delicate
sandwiches, and perhaps bouillon for masculine callers.
Such a lady who is bright and interesting, who gives a warm wel-
come, yet does not bind any one to a longer stay than the conven-
tional ten minutes, is sure of drawing about her a delightful circle of
acquaintances, men and women alike being pleased to drop in on their
way home from the city, or from more pretentious gatherings.
This is the afternoon tea in its simplest form. In London afternoon
tea is universal. If you are calling anywhere in the latter part of the
afternoon, tea and thin bread and butter will be offered you as a matter
of course, or if it has already been handed round, you will be asked if
you have had your tea, and if not a fresh supply will be immediately
brought.
If bread is thin enough, butter fresh, cake good, and tea and coffee
perfection, you have provided all that is necessary. In warm weather
ices or strawberries could be added. In England you will very
seldom be given more than this at the best houses, and in Italy, where
the afternoon receptions are the most agreeable entertainments
imaginable, you will never be offered anything more than dainty little
cakes, chocolate and tea. These slight refreshments are usually served
in the simplest way. The hostess herself, or if the guests are numer-
ous a white-capped bonne or two, pours out the tea and chocolate and
the men of the party hand it to the ladies. Often the children of the
19
2f>0 BREAKFASTS, LUXCHF.ONS AND TEAS.
house flit to and fro, carrying cups of tea or plates of cake, and every-
body talks to everybody else. There will be the best pictures on the
walls or the easels, often the best music from people the world knows
well, and a reception thus simple in point of refreshment, but rich in
the pleasures of art, is a memorable delight.
Still other ladies are at home on some one afternoon in each week,
and announce that fact on their cards under their names as follows :
Thursdays in Februar}-. Tea at Four O'clock. Or, if for a single
occasion, it may read thus : Innir O'clock Tea. Tuesday, F'ebruary
F'ifth, Or, Mrs. GEoRCiE Green, Five O'clock Tea. Tuesday, Janu-
ary J^'ifth. 47 Sussex Place. Or, Mrs. Georci-: Green. Thursdays.
F\)ur to Seven. 47 Sussex Place. The year, or p. M., should not
appear on the card.
These invitations require no answer, and no after calls, since really
it is nothing imore than a grand calling day. Those who cannot
attend, call as soon as convenient, and those who come leave cards in
the hall. Walking or carriage costumes are worn. Men wear morn-
ing dress. Tlie hostess dons a handsome reception gown, never an
evening dress. The young ladies who assist lier are prettily clad in
fabrics that suit the season, but which must not suggest ball toilet.
The simple refreshments served must be the very best of their kind.
This style of afternoon tea is suitable for city or suburban life.
The Five O'clock Tea Table.
Beginning with the table itself, it may be a small oval, circular or
hexagon shape. Any one of these is preferable to a square one. If
the surface of the table is highly polislied and it is preferred not to
covx'r it entirely, a handsome square or round centerpiece doily, which
is only a dinner centerpiece, is used, or a tcacloth a yard square may
prettily .and wholly veil it.
F^or the actual furnishing of the table there are required a tea caddy,
teapot, a hot water kettle, a cosy, a wafer or cracker dish, two or
three pretty cups and saucers, cream jug and sugar bowl.
To measure the tea with a spoon is not considered quite so correct,
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 291
and so redolent of tlic old-time flavor as to use the cup-cover of the
caddy, " one fill to a brew." A glas.s mat may be provided to set the
hot teapot upon, and the spoons are laid loose upon the table.
Cups should hold more than an actual thimbleful, though they need
not hold a pint, and should bear some relation to the laws of gravita-
tion in their poise upon the saucer. They should liMve a smooth rim.
A fluted edge is a most uncomfortable finish for a drinking vessel.
The wafer-basket may be silver, china or cut glass.
For the winter months many hostesses have introduced a variety on
the menu of the five o'clock tea table. Tea is a doubtful beveraire in
many hands, and is wholly abjured by many women as injurious to the
complexion, hence a big, egg-shaped urn, beneath which a tiny alcohol
jet burns, is set up in the corner of the drawing-room. The urn is
filled with chicken bouillon, served piping hot in small silver cups, and
w^tii an invigorating dash of sherry f(^r those who prefer it so. With
the bouillon are served platters of toasted water biscuit that have been
sparingly butten;d and lightly sprinkled with salt. Sometimes, in
place of salt, a powdering of cheese is grated over the hot cracker, and
for a relish at five o'clock nothing could be preferable to this light,
warm repast. ]\Ien, it is well to remark, heartily advocate the change
from insipid tea to the invigorating hot bouillon.
Pages.
The special innovation for the benefit of women are two drawing-
room pages. These are small, well-trained little boys in buttons,
livery or done up in slippers, white linen and turbans, who at intervals
of fifteen minutes carr>' about among the callers large lacquer trays,
on which are spread violets and rose leaves, crystallized and saltetl
nuts with ginger. One is supposed to scoop up a few of the confec-
tions or nuts as the pages pass.
Receiving Friends.
Those friends invited to pour tea or chocolate also come at the
hour named, and after removing their wraps seat themselves at their
202 BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS
particular tables, or at their end of the one long table. It is their
duty to dispense, besides the cups that cheer, words and smiles that
cheer also to every one who comes, no matter whether they know
them or not. Usually they can do much to make it lively for all in
their immediate vicinity. If the afternoon is a long one and guests
numerous several of the receiving party volunteer to relieve those at
the urns, and they spend an hour pleasantly about the rooms and
beside the hostess.
These are the kindly things expected of a woman who accepts an
invitation " to receiv'e," and when she has done them gracefully and
prettily she is a social " sister of mercy."
If the number of guests is small the hostess herself frequently
serves, with perhaps her daughter or some friend, to assist.
The Eatables.
The tea, with its pretty equipage, is placed on the table by her side ;
sometimes chocolate is provided, and occasionally a crystal pitcher of
milk for any who may desire it. Some very thin sandwiches (rolled
ones are better), a silver basket of sweet biscuit and one of mi.xed
fancy cakes, form an all-sufficient menu. A small cluster of flowers
in a slender vase and the table is complete.
Friends greet one another, drink a social cup of tea, chat a little,
and that is all. Formal leave-taking is not expected.
Sliced lemon should be at hand for any who prefer the creamless,
sugarless Russian tea with a slice of lemon floating on its ambertide.
Some ladies invite several young girls to help serve and entertain, and,
in the eyes of the masculine half of creation, this adds greatly to the
beauty of the picture ; for ever since tea became famous in our society,
men have found much to admire in a girl who can serve it gracefully.
A kettledrum and an elaborate five o'clock tea are precisely the
same form of entertainnifint. The term "kettledrum" is not very
frequently used.
Some of the guests at "at homes" have so little judgment in the
matter of departure that experience never serves them in good stead
BREAKFASTS, LUNCH KOXS AND TEAS. 293
They arc nervous and vacillating^ when they should be neither ; they
linger and know not how to get themselves g..icefully away, and
usually succeed in making an abrupt exit. They know the right
moment at which to leave, but fail to put this knowledge into practice.
"Almost think it is time to go now," or " I wonder whether I ought
to say good-bye or wait until some one else comes in."
The regulation conventional time for a call on an "at home" day
is about twenty minutes, but this can be lengthened out to half an
hour or forty minutes, circumstances being favorable, or shortened to
ten minutes when the position is distinctly unfavorable to a longer
stay.
"Bringing Out" a Debutante.
The "bringing out" of a debutante at an afternoon tea has become,
because of its simplicity, a favorite metliod. It affords opportunity to
invite a number of young "rosebuds" to cluster about her, and it does
not subject the "bud" to the ordeal of a ceremonious, or large, ball.
The dcbiUautc's' n^xac will be engraved below that of her mother,
on at " At Home" card.
If she be the eldest daughter, her name is written Miss Manning.
If she have elder sisters, it is Miss Amv Mav Manning.
No answer is expected to these cards, but each recipient will note
the especial significance of the occasion by leaving cards in the hall
for her as well as her mother, and, if the invitation be not accepted,
they will send or leave cards within a few days, for both her and her
mother.
An elaborate afternoon tea is often given in honor of some stranger,
when the cards will read as follows : Mrs. James Ladd, At Home,
Tuesday, March Tenth, from Four until Seven o'clock, to meet Mrs.
Gordon Bennet. 5 South Fiftieth street.
This would indicate a daytime, but not usually a day-lighted
assembly, and means flowers, gaslight and music ; elaborate costumes
as may be without infringing on actual evening dress, and refresh-
ments, all too abundant for those who expect a dinner to follow.
Ladies leave outer wraps in hall, or dressing-room, but do not
20^ BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS.
remove their bonnets. Gentlemen who expect to spend but a few
moments, carry their hats with them into the drawing-room.
The table is made attractive with beautifid linen, china, and silver,
and sahids and oysters, ices and cake turn this entertainment from a
simple afternoon tea into a "higli tea." The tea-room is never
deserted, and, although servants are in attendance, there are >'oung
girls to pour the tea and add the ch arm of their presence to the hour.
Dancing even is suggested by the enchanting waltz music that
floats from some hidden nook, and a hostess with a sufficiently
spacious home often provides a room for this amusement, gentle-
men and ladies who wish to participate, disposing of their wraps in
the dressing-room.
Gentlemen Visitors.
These occasions usually capture more men than any other daytime
gathering. They attend in Prince Albert (frock) coat, neat scarf
f udtless gloves, perfect-fitting shoes, and unexceptionable hat. They
need not remain long, they need not talk much, and they are sure to
find some (cw that the)' recognize ; and besides, in the best society,
the theory of non-introduction gives each person the privilege of con-
versing with anyone present. Yet, hostesses who are strong in their
social positions are not afraid to introduce people who meet under
their roof, or to express pleasure that }'ou took the time to call. Such a
hostess brightens and warms the atmosphere, and the busy, tired man,
who does not usually enjoy such affairs, will enjoy coming to her house
and will come again.
How to Leave.
When the drawing-room is crowded it is possible to leave without
saying adieu to the hostess, and good form does not necessitate the
hostess to ask anyone to call again.
An Afternoon Tea-Saucer.
A convenience that any victim of the afternoon tea will appreciate
is a tray or elongated saucer, oval in shape. At one end is a rest
made of gold wire, in which the cup stands. The other is quite
BREAKFASTS, LUNCHEONS AND TEAS. 205
large enough to allow of serving sandwiches, biscuit, or even a bit of
salad without burdening the guest with a second object to hold. The
cup stands firm in its place. Not even the jostling common in a
crowded room will displace it or endanger that breakage which so
often follow.^ a crush. The tray is easily held in one hand, and the
other is free to handle fork or spoon without inconvenience of the
smallest .sort.
Pretty teapots for the five o'clock tea table are of rosewood in a
pinkish brown and in the usual olive coloring. The handles of the
lids are Initterflies, and a butterfly is on the handle used for pouring.
Some of these elegant little pots are overlaid with a tracery of silver.
Teapots intended for Easter favors are of brown porcelain in the form
of a chicken with the mouth doing duty for the spout.
"Pink and Blue Teas."
These liave been a great "fad," and while not quite so popular, are
pretty enough to deserve mention, A table is too often confused in
its arrangement of color on account of its changes of courses. This
can be entirely done away with b\' adopting some simple color scheme.
A luncheon, or tea, is easier to serve in this fashion because of its
simpler menu.
Amber and white will harmonize with celery, salads, ices and other
articles needed at a luncheon. The yellowish white, full of sun-
light, harmonizes with amber and can be followed up to deepest
bronze. Amber glasses, creamy damask, all the tints from white
to bronze, can be used in the dishes. Apricots heaped on amber
dishes, ices tinted in harmony, and a t'^reat mass of white roses for
a center ornament, are appropriate.
Another beautiful effect is to do away with the cloth and let the
polished wood of the table set the keynote of color. An oak table,
with its rich yellows and browns and its lurking suggestions of green,
would afford a color scheme with which all shades of amber, bronzv^
and yellow would blend. Bon Silene or Mahnaison rosej would also
'>e in harmony with the other decorations.
nteptairpmerpt§.
c
OFFERS are so exactly like teas,
with the exception that coffee is
tlie reigning beverage, that ex-
tended description is unnccessar}'. The
invitations are precisely the same as for
teas, simply substituting the word, " Coffee,"
or " Kaffee Klatsch " in the corner of the card
instead of *' Tea." The German term, " Kaff*ee
Klatsch," is f equently used. This, literally
transla1:ed, would be "Coffee Chat" or "Gos-
sip." The entertainment is of German origin,
and was adopted to fit the fiction that the
stronger sex, of whom the lateness of the hour
captures many a willing or unwilling victim, do not
revel in tea.
Chocolataire.
This is rather a new entertainment. Its novelty lier in the fad
that the beverage served is chocolate, and that chocolate enters intr
all the refreshments served, such as chocolate wafers, etc. A choco
late lemonade will be a nice addition in hot weather, chocolate bon«
bons being passed in dainty silver bon-bon baskets.
The cards are the same as for " Teas " and " Coffees," simply sub
stituting the word " Chocolataire " or " Chocolate " in the left hand
corner.
If this is used, as it sometimes is, for a church or charitable enter-
tainment, cards are not issued, but it is simply announced through the
usual channels as a " Chocolataire," and numerous other refreshments
all containing chocolate in some form can be dispensed, chocolate ice
cream, chocolate cake, etc.
2^0
MI:>('KI.LANE()US ENTERTAINMENTS. 207
Theater parties may be made into very elaborate entertainments, or
they may be simple and quietly arranged. Ladies and f.imilies often
give these parties as an easy method of repaying their soeial tlebts.
But the theater party is the entertainment, par excellence, dear to
bachelor hosts, especially those who have no homes of their own to
which they may invite guests, and wish to return some of the many
courteous hospitalities of which they have been the recipients.
In one of these elaborate affairs the host first secures some popular
lady to chaperon the party. Then he calls upon his florist, makes
arrangements with some famous restaurant and pays a visit to the
box-office of some theater where a new play is to be brought out in
ten days or two weeks.
Invitations for Theater Parties.
He then gives the invitations in person to the selected number of
his lady friends, not less than six, not more than fifteen, explaining
to the mothers who will chaperon the party and what gentlemen he
has invited. These must number the same as his lady guests and
will have been chosen from among the most eligible of his friends.
The rendezvous will be at the restaurant where dinner will be served
at six o'clock. The young ladies attended by father, brother or a maid,
come in carriages and the coachman is told at what hour to return.
This is usually half past twelve or one o'clock.
The dinner will be served in a sumptuously decorated, private
dining-room, and by eight o'clock the party are en route in drriages
for the play. Each lady is first supplied with exquisite corsage and
hand bouquets by an attentive maid.
Boxes are engaged at the theater, or in case of large parties, the
front row of the balcony. Programs printed on scented satin are
frequently placed in front of each chair and serve as souvenirs of the
occasion. When the play is over the party returns in carriages to the
same restaurant where an elegant supper is laid.
Frequently each lady finds costly souvenirs at her plate. Each
gentleman acts as escort through the evening to whatever lady he
2!>S M1SC:j:LLAN!:()L'S KNTIlKrAIN'MKNTS.
lias been asslpied by the host. At tlic appointed liour carria^jcs call
for tlie l.idiL'S ami tlic j^entlcmcn escort them thereto. If sonic male
relative come, he does not accompany her home, but if it is the niaid
on I}', he is expected so to tlo.
The youn^ ladies ami j^antlemen must call ui)on the chaperon
within a few days and the host calls upon the mothers to express
thcmks for the pleasure of the daughter's atten lance. The men
invited must each call within three days upon the especial lady to
whom they devotetl their tniie during the evening, or if this is
impossible, le.ive a card.
A simpler form of this entertainment is where the host calls upon
e.icli proposed guest, and if the invitation is accep<"ed, leaves two
entrance tickets, and one for some male relative who must accompany
her. The party meet in the box, where the host and ; \Ai\y chaperon
greet them. After the theater sup[jer is served at sowie fashionable
resort, or perhaps at the home of some friend, where dancing occas-
ionally follows the >up})er. After calls are expected.
These parties are sometimes given by a lady, when the invitations
are sent by informal notes in her own name, and a six o'clock dinner
laid in her own home precedes the opera. After the entertainment
the guests return in carriages to the house where a little supper is
served, and perhaps some dancing varies the program.
Occasionally this entertainment takes the form of a matinee party
of ladies only, who adjourn at its close to the hostess's home for
a supper.
Dress for the Opera.
When a gentleman invites a lady to the opera, he should tell her
what part of the house they are to occupy. If it is a box she must
at least wear a light opera cloak, even if she does not array herself in
lull evening dress. Howx^ver, evening toilet, no bonnet and beauti-
fully dressed hair, are the correct thing. At an opera matinee, elegant
\ isiting dress and dainty bonnets are always worn. If a gentleman is
to escort a lady to the opera in any of the public conveyances she
must we:'.r street toilet.
MISCELLANEOUS EN TERTAINMExNTS. 21)0
Picnic Parties.
Picnics and excursions arc dcliglitful summer entertainments. But
it is essential that whoever goes on a picnic should possess the power
to find " sermons in stones, books in the running brooks, and good m
everything ; " know how to dress, know where to go, and above all,
know wliat to carry to eat.
A very great variety of food should be avoided, also soft puddings
and creamy mixtures of any sort, which persistently " leak out."
Plain, substantial food, simple and well-cooked, should ever be chosen,
with a fe ■; sweet and simple dainties ti^ top off with. This can be
divided up among the party by the one who is most executive, with
the ladies to furnish the substantials and the gentlemen the beverages.
The Hjcn assume the expenses of the boats or other conveyances.
Paraffme paper is indispensable in wrapping up the viands, which
are much more wisely carried in boxes, than baskets, as the former
can be thrown away, and the fewer the burdens on the home-coming
the better. A rubber coat or mackintosh is also a necessity, for no
matter how warm the day, there is a risk of sitting out in the woods
on the bare ground. This can be easily managed in a shawl strap.
It is best not to carry a tablecloth, but if sc^mething is preferred to
spread upon the ground, a strip of enameled cloth is the most satis-
factory thing, and whatever is spilled upon it can be easily cleaned off.
Japanese napkins take the place of linen, and wooden plates, which
can be thrown away, arc most desirable, like those which the bakers
use for pies.
There are several important items which must not be forgotten, and
among them are hand-towels and soap, combs, hand-mirror, thread,
needle and thimble, a corkscrew and a can opener.
What to Eat.
There should be a clear understanding at the outset what eatables
each one is to bring. One girl may promise to furnish a certain
proportion of the rolls or sandwiches, and another, part of the cake.
300 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS.
Others may promise cold or potted meats, sardines, stuffed eg^rs,
Saratoga potatoes, olives, pickles, fruit, lemonade and cold coffee.
Salad may easily be carried if the lettuce and chicken or lobster
are arranged in a dish set in a basket, and the dressing contained
in a wide-mouthed bottle or pickle jar. The best way to transport
lemonade, if fresh water can be readily procured at the picnic grounds,
is to take the lemon juice and sugar in a jar, adding the water after
the party reach their destination. Apollinaris water is excellent for
lemonade. The coffee and milk should have been put together before
leaving home, but the sugar is carried separately.
Tongue and Sandwiches.
To begin with the substantial, a cold roast, a boiled tongue, deviled
eggs, are simple and tasty. The roast may be sliced off before going,
and carefully wrapped up, but the tongue should be carried whole and
cut up when required, or it is apt to become dry. The eggs are easily
prepared, being hcv'd boiled, cut lengthwise, the yolks taken out,
mixed in a bowl with pepper, salt and mustard, and a few drops of
Worcester and put back again in the whites.
Different kinds of sandwiches may be served. For one time there
may be finger-rolls, split, the inside hollowed out and filled with
chopped chicken or tongue, and the two sides tied together with the
narrowest of ribbon. Aga-r', bread and butter, cut wafer thin and
rolled, may appear. Sweetbread sandwiches, sardine sandwiches, egg
sandwiches, are delicious and easily prepared variations upon the ever-
lasting ham and tongue. Very dainty sandwiches are made of two
thicknesses of thin bread and butter, with a layer between of cream
cheese and chopped water cress. The fruit should be heaped in a
basket or arranged as a center-piece with the flowers.
Ice cream may be taken to a picnic without much additional trouble.
The brick molds can be so packed by a confectioner in a pail of ice
\that there will be no danger of the cream melting. For this, of course,
wooden plates are not available, but china saucers will have to be trans-
ported. For the sweets some plain cake and bon-bons, and a box of
MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 301
crystallized ginger arc all-sufficient. Cold tea, with lemon and ice, is
certainly the most refreshing and satisfactory.
If more side dishes are preferred, there are olives, salted peanuts or
pecans, gherkins, radishes or club-house cheese and wafers to choose
from, and if berries in season are desired, they arc best carried in a
glass preserve jar.
If one person gives a picnic, she should expect to furnish all the
food, the means of transportation for her guests, the plates, glasses,
knives, forks and napkins — in short, to defray all the expenses of the
trip. This is apt to prove a rather expensive proceeding, if there are
many guests invited, but it is a very pretty style of entertaining for
those whose means permit them to indulge in it. A " Basket Picnic "
is a more general affair, where each member of the party supplies a
quota of the provisions. Some one person undertakes the charge of
the party, and invites such people to join it as she thinks would make
it a success. The girls usually provide the refreshments.
Chaperons.
It might seem needless to say that there should always be a chaperon
on picnic parties if it were not that even in this day there appears, in
some places, to be a lack of proper understanding of this subject.
Dwellers in large cities see matters in a clearer light, and a young
man who is thoroughly versed in points of etiquette will not think of
inviting a young lady to accompany him to the theater without also
requesting her mother or a married friend to join them. In the same
manner he asks a chaperon to go with them when he escorts a young
lady to a ball or party.
When a number of young people get off together, they are apt,
without the least intention of impropriety, tc^ let their spirits carry
them away and lead them into absurdities they would never commit
in a graver moment. If a chaperon is brigiVr and cheery, sympathizing
in the enjoyment of the young people, and avoiding making her pres-
ence a bar upon innocent gayety, she need be no drawback to the
pleasure of the expedition. On the contrary, most young men and
"02 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS.
women will feci a security and ',cnse of comfort from having some one
along to take the responsibility of the conduct of the party that they
could never know were there no chaperon present.
It is a good rule, if possible, to have an equal number of persons of
each sex on a picnic. This is especially desirable if the party is to be
on the water, in rowboats, where each boatload must be evenly divided.
The hostess or projector of the party may arrange in whose escort
each girl is to go, or this may be left to the }'oung people themselves.
A Marshmallow Toast.
This is exclusively a girl's entertainment. A very pretty one was
given to about twenty girl friends. The guests were invited in the
afternoon from two until six o'clock. A lar<>e room had its furniture
removed and in its stead were placed small tables, which contained
trays holding marshmallow candies, skewers and lamj>s. The mallows
were toasted and eaten after a little supper. Tables were spread prettily
with white linen and decorated with flowers. The supper was arranged
as follows :
Oyster Patties. Buttered Bread. Sandwiches.
Salad with French Dressing. Assorted Cakes. Chocolate.
Toasted IMarshmallows.
The young girls had a delightful time and the entertainment was
simple and inexpensive.
Roof Parties.
Roof parties are the very latest diversion which the girl who stays
in town is enjoying. They are the very jolliest entertainments imagi-
nable, antl the best part of them is that one can go in any sort of an
outing suit without feeling dc trop. Iwen the dwellers in the big
apartment houses are able to give these high-in-the-air festivals, and
they have become very popular from the fact that they are so informal
and delightfully novel.
If your roof is spacious and walled in by a high parapet so much
the better, for, of course, one can always imagine danger if there be
only a narrow coping about the edge.
MISCKLLAXEOUS EXTERTAINMENTS. 305
Pick out a nii,dit when the clerk of tlie weather will be polite
enough to gi\e moon and stars and soft southern breezes. Then
i over the surface of the roof with rugs or else stretch a matting over
the tin. Improvise couches upon boxes covered with rugs, or bring
up a couple of cots and pile cushions upon them.
Palms and plants placed about always add to the effect, and if you
wish the place to look like a little bit of fairy land hang Chinese l.m-
terns on strings stretched about the edge, antl when they are lit they
will look remarkably pretty. If the roof be provided with ledges
between your own and )'our neighbors, the bricks can be spread with
napkins and refreshments arranged thereon.
Almost any sort of menu is permissible, but salads, sandwiches,
olives, ice cream and liquid refreshments of all kinds are always in
order.
Bachelor's Parties.
Bachelors who live in apartments are giving *' Dutch" parties on
roofs, and in those cases the refreshments consist of beer and ale
served from the wood, rye bread and cheese sandwiches, sausages
cooked in a chafing-dish and Rhine wine in the cu[).
Roof parties can be so elaborate that they will cost quite as much
as a more pretentious function, but they are more enjoyable when they
are simply gotten up. One was given in a fashionable part of the cit\',
and the aid of the caterer and the decorator had been utilized in such
a manner as to produce the effect of a gorgeous al fresco reception.
A gaily striped awning was stretched across the part of the roof where
the edibles were spread upon a table loaded with flowers. A carpet
was spread for a dance at one side with only the stars for a canojn'.
About the entire roof and reaching far up in a pyramid of light tliere
were lanterns lit by electric lamps fistened within. There was a
pleasant breeze blowing, and these man}' swaying colored lights pro-
duced a beautiful effect. Rich rugs carpeted the roof surface, and
fla< were draped about the high coping.
I'his part)' was gi\en on the roof of a largi- hotel and was such a
success that a number of similar on s were arranged for.
304 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTALNMENTS.
A Flower Party.
Another young girls' entertainment is a " flower p^trty " — an appro-
priate name, as the writer once attended one where all the young
ladies wore snowy gowns, each beautifully adorned with the wearer's
favorite flower. A large silver salver filled with sprigs of flowers
awaited the young men. in the reception-hall, and upon his entrance
each selected according to his fancy a flower from the waiter and sent
it up the decorated staircase to find its mate and the young lady wear-
ing the matching one met him on the landing, pinned his chosen
flower to the lapel of his coat and became his partner for the evening.
Bicycle Teas.
With the bicycle comes the bicycle tea. In the large cities these
teas have been given for charity and have been great successes. But
there is no reason why any girl may not give an attractive bicycle tea
and make it very original.' Sandwiches in the shape of tennis rackets,
with an olive steak in the center for a ball, are among the novelties.
Sandwiclies in the shape of a wheel and a saddle might easily be cut.
Bicycle lanterns, which resemble glowworms, should furnish decora-
tion. If possible, a bicycle tea should be given out of doors, where
outing costumes would not be incongruous.
A Barn Party.
There is a big, red barn on a fine old flirm, that is easily reached by
city friends, and there, every year, is giver an autumn revel in the
shape of a genuine "barn dance." The mow is filled with sweet
smelling hay and the cattle, stalled, are below. The big center floor
is cleared and swept and reswept and chalked to make it fit for danc-
intj feet. The decorations for the dance consume much time, and into
them the hostess throws many a loving thought. Pumpkins form the
chief theme. In flower-like or hideous forms as jack-o'-lanterns they
hold posts of honor on rafter and beam.
The lanterns used are the regular farm lanterns, though the walk
MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 305
through the old-fashioned garden to the barn is outlined by the fancy
Japanese lanterns. Kars of corn tied by fluttering ribbons, the husks
turned back to show the golden ears, cornstalks, golden-rod, milkweed,
woodbine and clusters of purple grapes are all worked into the
decorations.
The young folks learn by previous experiences not to wear perish-
able finery at the barn dance, and the girls all come in pretty wash-
dresses that will stand a good romp. Music is furnished by an old
darkey fiddler, not violinist, who plays " Money Musk," '* Fisher's
Hornpipe," "Ole Dan Tucker" and any number of plantation
melodies.
The supper, of course, is the best part of the dance to hungry city-
bred people. Hot coffee is served in bright new tin-cups, for these
young people mimic harvesters ; there is fried chicken, cold ham,
potato salad, rolls with golden country butter that melts in one's
mouth, plenty of fresh milk, pumpkin and apple pie, with cottage
cheese, ginger cakes and doughnuts, and even cider for those who wish.
The dance is always given during the full harshest moon and the
stone wall which bounds the orchard, the old farm wagons, the grain
bins and even the low apple trees furnish flirtation nooks for lovers.
One year the barn dance was also a potato roast. Huge fires were
built on the lawn, and during the intermission the crowd gathered
around the fires and roasted potatoes. This time, too, the dance was
made a house party, and the gins were stowed away in the farmhouse
while the boys enjoyed tents and the big haymow. Is it any wonder
that the pretty hostess' friends call her barn dance the big event of the
year?
Bachelor Women and their Entertainments.
The bachelor women in their cosy little city apartments, or even
their one apartment, refuse to be debarred from the pleasure and
privilege of giving the little entertainments so dear to the heart
feminine. They not only give the most charming little "teas" and
"coffees," but they are past masters in the use of the chafing dish and
those who have feasted with them will no longer deem tliat li.eried
20
mm MISCELLANEOUS ENTER! A»MVlt.NTS.
service and stately rooms are necessary to the proper receiving of
one's friends.
After all, "the highest hospitality is in giving what one has."
Hawthorne and his wife never forgot the little American studying art
in Rome, who, in her tower room, reached by many flights of stairs,
made tea before their eyes, and took from a cupboard the cake and
crackers that made her feast. Neither will the world forget iier, since
she it was, who, in the " Marble Faun,' is the Ilulda who fed the doves
from the tower.
A Sandwich Spread.
A sandwich spread is another entertainment easily given by a
" bachelor maid." This is a meal at which everything, barring the
tea and coffee, is served in the form of a sandwich. Not until one has
tried does one realize to what excellence and variety this form of viand
lends itself. Deviled ham sandwiches, egg sandwiches, cheese sand-
wiches, lettuce sandwiches, potted ham, potted fish, potted cheese
sandwiches, pineapple sandwiches, peanut sandwiches, cucumber sand-
wiches, tomato sandwiches, walnut sandwiches, oyster sandwiches and
so on indefinitely. Any modern cookbook will furnish the formulas
for all these and more.
" He or she," says one w^riter, " who partakes, forgets the presence
of the folding bed and gas stove ; of the curtained china cupboard in
friendly proximity to the writing desk or easel. There is no paint on the
artist's fingers, and the newspaper woman wears as pretty a gown as any
woman could wish."
Private Theatricals.
The etiquette of invitations is the .same for Private Theatricals, as for
musicales. Simply substituting the word, "Theatricals," "Charades,"
or "Tableaux," whichever it is to be, in the left hand corner of the
card. The .same observances as to arranging the se .ts, toilettes
of the guests, etc., are requisite, and performers should be equally
careful not to fail at the last moment in taking their part. In reality
they should be more so, since the failure of one performer might ruin
Vij entire pla\'.
MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 307
A drama entails more expense and care than characters and tableaux.
A host or hostess should never take leading part unless it be especially
urged upon them by the othiTS, and even then it is not best, first,
because the entertainers should never eclipse their <^uests, and, second,
they should be free for a general oversight of the whole affair, ready
to settle disputed points and find missing stage "properties." An
effort should be made to assign, as nearly as possible, acceptable and
suitable parts to all.
Those invited should displa\- willingness to take parts assigned
them, even if not the most important in the cast. All cannot be
Romeos or Juliets. There are minor parts to play on all stages.
Learn the part given you thoroughly, and do your b<.st to make the
play a success. If sickness or unavoidable accident intervene, inform
the hostess at once that she may be able to supply a substitute for the
part.
Guests indulge in conversation between the acts, and the music of
an orchestra often fills the pause.
A carpenter is usually called in to build the temporary stage, or a
certain is fitted to rise and fall in the archway between two parlors ;
the first parlor being used for the audience room and the second one
for stage, with dressing-room in the rear. A private billiard-room,
also, can be used to good advantage. At the conclusion of the play,
supper is served, and social conversation and dancing follow.
A Social Evening.
There are many ways of making pleasant entertainments out of
these informal gatherings. Such an evening may last from nine to
twelve o'clock. Where impromptu dancing is resorted to, as it so
often is, another hour is sometimes added. If dancing be excluded,
games, music, cards, or recitations should take its place. If neither
card-playing, nor dancing is permitted, the supper usually becomes
the feature of the evening.
When friends are in\'ited to pass an evening socially with cards and
music, refreshments are always served. They can be placed upon the
30?^ MISCELLANEOUS EXrERTAINMENTS.
dininfj-room tabic, aiid tlie company invited to partake of them.
They should con.si.-.t of sandwiches or cold meats and rolls, and cakes
and coffee or chocolate, or only cakes, ices and lemonade can be
served. The best dishes the china closet affords should be used.
Or, the supper can be made an elaborate "sit-down " baiujuet. If
the long table is not sufficient for all, the guests can be served in
relays. The table should be prettily decorated. There are tlifferent
forms of home parties, such as birtlula)' celebrations, where gifts and
toasts are in order, house-warmings, or a church party.
When the supper is served in rela}s the hostess had better wait
until the last table, and circulate about among those guests who have
not yet been served. Some aj)pointed lady can serve as hostess at
each table. The elder guests should be seated at the first. Some-
times small tables are scattered about the rooms to accommodate those
who cannot find place at the large table, thus all are served at once.
Where neither card-playing nor dancing are indulged in, it becomes
necessary to find some other amusement. Impromptu charades are
sure to break the ice. A shadow party also, where any amount
of sport can be had with a darkened room and a tightly stretched
sheet illuminated from the rear, whereon shadows can be cast for
guessing. There are also a great many interesting games of which
enough can be furnished for an entire company.
Authors' Parties
Are also amusing entertainments, but they must be arranged for
beforehand. It is usual to take the works of one author and give
out the characters to be represented to each one, that repetitions may
be prevented. Then the guessing that will follow when the company
are all together, and the conversa:ion that naturally ensues on literary-
subjects, ensures the success of the party.
Firelight Parties
Are pleasurable affairs. There is no light furnished except by an
open fire. The guests sit around in a circle and tell stories. Each
MIS('i:i,I,ANE()rS r:NTERTA[N'MENTS. 309
one is provided with a bunch of t\vi<;s, or fafjot to be thrown on the
fire, the <;ue.st being expected to sing a song, tell a story, give a
recitation, or otherwise amuse the company while his fagot burns.
Conversaziones.
These gatherings, as the name signifies, are devoted entirely to con-
versation, and are supposed to be chiefly gatherings of literary and
scientific people. Where one especially fine conversationalist is the
star of the evening, one or two lesser lights should be invited to share
with him the honors of the occasion.
A Country Dinner.
A summer dinner in the country has many pleasant features
peculiar to itself. Chief among these is its lack of formality, and city
guests are always pleasurably entertained at the country dinner table.
A good cook and a competent waitress are necessities.
The flowers that ornament the table must ])artake of the field and
forest rather than suggest the city hothouse. Slender, light, glass
vases and rose-bowls are best for the light grasses, field flowers and
garden blossoms. Prett}-, modern, inexpensive china is sufficient for
a country dinner, and not too much silverware should be used.
Light, clear soups should form the first course (mock turtle or
ox-tail soup is not in order). The roast should be carved away
from the table. Plenty of fresh vegetables should be prepared, that
being one of the privileges of country' life. Delightfully fresh salads
are also at command of the suburban householder; and if the dining-
room be cool and large, and therewith the grace be given of a beau-
tiful view, what greater gift can the gods grant!
Let the housekeeper forbear to serve hot puddings or heavy pastries.
Fruit tarts, the freshest of fruits with great glass pitchers of country
cream, cold custards, gelatine creams of all kinds and ice creSim are
always satisfactory ; and many substitute for the heavy roast the
lighter dishes of broiled fish, chicken, or chops. A cold boiled ham
on the sideboard adds another dish to the board.
SIJ MISCKM.ANEOUS KN'rKR'rAINMKN'rS.
Etiquette of Card Playing and Games.
There is a certain oticiuctte to be observed in playinqj all s?ocial
games. In cartl-playin^ especially this is a necessity. In the first
place, it is the hostess who proposes the ^ame. In the second, no one
who refuses should be ur^ed to join in the amusement. They may
have conscientious scruples, and respect should be shown their j)rinci
pies. Unless, however, this be the reason, no one should refuse to phiy
from mere caprice when their presence is required to make up a table.
New packs of cards should be provided by the hostess. Playinij
for money, even the smallest amount, should be strictly avoided. It
is unfit for the home parlor.
Those who do not understand playing should not join a set unless
especially urged, as their ignorance is apt to spoil the pleasure of the
others. The fingers should not be wet to deal the cards. Partners
should never exchange signs. Let every one play his best and not
act indifferent to the game.
Do not talk on all manner of topics ; it disturbs those who enjoy
the game.
Do not criticise, nor hurry other players.
Never lose temper over a game.
To cheat is extremely ill-bred.
If \ou have a poor partner manifest no annoyance.
Never reflect upon the playing of \'our opponents.
Those who have played together so much that they understand
one another's play should not be partners in general company.
Never manifest anger at defeat, nor undue exultation at winning.
These rules, many of them, apply to all other social games, both
outdoors and in.
Outdoor Amusements.
Coaching parties are delightful. They give much latitude for gay,
pretty costumes, and there are few brighter pictures than that of a
tally-ho coach as it dashes along the city boulevards and over the
countrj' roads to the music of jingling chains and winding horns.
:;::;;]:;p^^o^^«ii^P^
OUTDOOR SPORTS.
mi
312 MIS(T.M.\NEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS.
Appetites arc sharpened by the ion<^ drive, and hampers must be
well packed with substantial viands. Potted meats, all manner of
sandwiches, game pies, cold birds, and substantial beef and tongue,
will be sure of appreciation.
(See " Dress,'" etc., for suitable attire.)
Hunting Parties.
Hunting is very little favored by ladies on this side the water,
though it is occasionally indulged in by a few. The enthusiasm,
however, of a ride to hounds is much dampened by the knowledge
that an anise-seed bag, instead of a fox, furnishes the scent over
which the hounds give eager tongue. Those who attempt to hunt
must be at home in the saddle.
(See " Dress," etc., for appropriate attire.)
Archery, Lawn Tennis and Croquet.
These popular games have their own etiquette, rules, dress, etc., so
thoroughly established that all devotees of these sports understand
the routine without giving it place here.
Never dispute, or show any temper over the outcome of any game.
Boating and Yachting.
Many ladies are quite expert with the oars, and boating, when liot
overdone, is a healthful and pleasant amusement. When gentlemen
are with a party of ladies, one of them should step in the boat to
steady it, while another "assists" the ladies in. See that their dress
is so arranged that they will not get wet. Inexperienced rowers
should learn before joining a party.
The stroke oar is the seat of honor. It may be offered to a guest
Ladies should wear short dresses, free from encumbering draperies,
heavy shoes, and a hat with a broad brim. Heavy gloves, if they
intend rowing, should be worn.
Yachting is a delightful and rather dangerous amusement. Ladies
wear warm wool dresses that water will not injure, made short in the
MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS. 3M
skirt, and jaunty of cut, with sailor-like emblems for adornment. No
young lady should go out alone with a gentleman either yachting or
rowing. In yachting especially a boat is sometimes becalmed for
hours and even all night. A party composed entirely of young
people should have a chaperon.
Children's Parties.
The celebration of children's birthdays and other little anniversaries
by means of parties, is a pleasant custom and one worthy o! ■)bserv-
ance. Such red-letter days are long remembered by the little ones.
The invitations are issued in the children's own names, and may be
written or engravxxl. Usually they are written upon small note sheets
and enclosed in small envelopes. If the invitation is for a Christmas-
tree, or an luister-egg hunt, a tiny tree, or a colored egg, may
ornament one corner of the sheet.
The form varies hardly at all : Miss Gertrude Hall requests the
pleasure of Miss Clara Wixship's company, on Wednesday, June
twentieth. From three until five o'clock. 3 Madison Avenue.
These invitations should be carefully and promptly answered in t/ie
same form as given and in the third person. (See " Livitations," etc.)
This teaches the little host or hostess the gravity of their position
as entertainers, and impresses the little guests with the importance of
their behavior. Also giving them an early lesson in the etiquette of
social life.
If it is a birthday party, a birthday cake will be the chief feature,
and it is a pretty fancy to have it decorated with as many tiny wax
candles as there are years in the child's life in whose honor the party
is given. These tapers may be placed around the cake, or put in tin
tubes and sunk into the top of the cake. Light them just before the
little guests are called out to the table.
At the close of the supper the child whose birthday it is, blows out
the candles, and, if old enough, cuts the cake and passes it.
Presents are sometimes brought by the guests, but it is not best to
encourage this fashion.
314 MISCELLANEOUS ENTERTAINMENTS.
Dancing or games may follow the supper, and older persons should
constantly superintend the amusements to see that the merriment does
not flag, nor the little folks become too boistrous.
At an Easter party, dainty little egg-shaped boxes, filled with bon-
bons, may be placed at each plate, or else hidden in a room from
which the lighter articles of furniture have been removed, and the
children permitted to search for them. The hunt is the chief pleasure.
If it is a Christmas party the tree is the source of interest, and
often a make-believe Santa Claus adds to the merriment of the occa-
sion. The refreshments should be simple but fanciful. Make the
table bright as possible — snowballs, cornucopias, lady-fingers, assorted
cakes, love-knots, sandwiches (fancy), crystalized fruits, tarts, sliced
tongue, pressed veal, thin bread and butter, rolled and tied, ice cream
in molds, and one large heavily-frosted cake. A host of flowers, and
the Lable is complete. Lemonade for a drink, or perhaps hot
chocolate.
The good breeding learned, the opportunities of impressing upon
children the beauty of self-denial and politeness, and of teaching
them to dispense, and to receive hospitalities, and to restrain that ten-
dency toward favoring certain playmates, so strong in childhood, will
more than repay for the trouble of preparing the feast. Never permit
the party to extend to late hours, and never overdress the little folks.
White is always suitable for girls, and jacket suits for boys under the
age for long trousers.
■i^iAA-AA-i^LAAAj4»-4t-»>Li
and
ANN0UNCP:MENT Cards arc fre-
quently sent out to all friends imme-
diately upon the arrival of a little
heir or heiress. These cards are variously worded.
One seen by the writer was as foUov.s :
Arrived : In Los Gatos, Sunday morning, November third, eigh-
teen hundred and ninety-five, Florence Wescott. Weight, ten
pounds ; blue eyes and sound lungs. She sends greeting to all her
friends.
A simpler one would be: Greeting: Edith May Toucey, Novem-
ber T, 1895. Weight, Qi'^ pounds.
These cards received (or even if they arc omitted), the lady friends
and acquaintances call and leave cards with kind inquires or send them
by a servant. Gentlemen do not call, but they are expected to see
the happy father and inquire after mother and child.
When the mother is ready to receive friends she sends out cards to
all that have called " with thank.? for kind inquiries," written beneath
her name, or issues invitations for a candle or christening party.
The Christening.
The baptism or christening is performed according to the rites of
whatever church the parents may be members of If the ceremony
is performed in church, personal fancy has very little play, though it
is almost a law that flowers shall cluster about the place where little
ones are brought for dedication.
If the occasion is to be further celebrated by festivities at the house
they may take whatever form is most agreeable. When the christen
315
316 CHRISTEXIXCIS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC.
ing is held at the house and guests are invited, it is customary to
defer the ceremony until the mother is ready to take the part of
hostess ; usually until the child is a month or six weeks old.
Invitations are issued for an afternoon or early evening reception.
They may be written or engraved, and are issued in the name of both
parents, thus: Mr. and Mrs. James Gray request the pleasure of your
presence at the Christening of their son at half-past four o'clock,
Wednesday, May tenth. I2 Madison Avenue.
Or; Mr. and Mrs. Jt)HN Thurston requesi the honor of Mr. and
Mrs. I^rown's presence at the Christening of their daughter on
Thursday, May iith, at three o'clock. Reception from two to five,
150 Delaware Place. Sometimes the words, *' No presents expected,"
are added to the invitation.
Attendance at the Ceremony.
These invitations are promptly answered, and those who attend
should wear a reception dress. The solemnity of the occasion should
be recognized by the appearance, previous to the hour named, of all
who expect to be present. Those who cannot be in time to witness
the ceremony should defer their arrival until a sufficient time has
elapsed to allow of its completion.
A temporary font is placed in a central position. This is best
arranged by banking up the top of a small round table with mosses,
smilax and delicate ferns, while the top, outside the rim of the bowl
holding the china basin containing the water, is a mass of white
flowers.
The drawing-room may be decorated with blossoms, and vocal or
instrumental music is usually provided. Hired musicians are some-
times engaged. See that the selections are suitable to the sacred
character of the occasion. Friends are sometimes asked to give two
or three vocal selections.
At the appointed time the father and mother stand before the
clergyman at the font and receive their child from the nurse or some
friend; the godparents range themselves on either side, and the
CHRISTEXINOS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 317
clergyman proceeds with the service. If the parents arc able, the
clergyman is usually given a handsome fee on these occasions.
Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and tlie baby,
robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few-
moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which
is bountifully sj)read as for a reception.
A toast in the child's honor is often given at this time by one of the
sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards
left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these
parties. V ' !icn the christening is held in church, the party is set for
some hour of the same day.
Godfathers and Godmothers.
In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given pre-
cedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice,
as from Lhese godparents is to be expected much good counsel and
kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is
expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to
watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time
he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the churc'i
in some other manner.
A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother; 3.
girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to ea. t\
person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly offlci.
This request should never be refused except for good and suffirlenf.
reason.
Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally In thi, forn\
of some suitable silver ai clcle. Among the very wealthy, especially
if the child bears the godfather's name, very valuable presents are
often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large
amounts.
Caudle Party.
The modern caudle party is given when the child is about six weeks
old, and is quite a separate affair from the christening, the churci
318 CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC.
having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the
same time. Caudle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival,
.'.re frequently given when the christening is not observed.
Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the follow-
ing form : Mk. and ]\Iks. Brown request your company, Wednesday
afternoon, at three. Caudle. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents
expected.
The words, "no presents," need not prevent an}' who wish from
making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared.
The phrase, "Caudle Party," is somewhat difficult to define, but the
name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used
then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratu-
lations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel,
flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as " caudle." This was
served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed
from one to another. These were called " caudle cups," and are
much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony
was then observed when the child was three days old ; now the
" caudle party" is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old.
The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the
baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests
are served with "caudle" in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and
slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madiera or rum
added at the last until the beverage is " to the Queen's taste."
Christening Gifts.
When the announcement cards of a baby's birth are sent out, very
many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making
a present to the new arrival. This is not a new social custom, for its
origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise
men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts
of frankincense and myrrh.
The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making,
is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the
CHRIS ri:x!N(;s, confirmations, etc. 319
giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are
generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels,
coach rugs, things that every baby needs.
The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the
lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins con-
nected by deiicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a
studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear
little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been
fivorites.
One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was
recently presented to a girl. ICach of her fither's groomsmen sent a
five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and
transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the
monogram of the baby and the initi:d letter of each groomsman's name.
Dainty Presents for the Newcomer.
Another tiny new woman received from her grandmother a spoon
which was made of little bits of silver melted down. A silver piecii
taken from the pocket of a dead aunt, two or three bits left in the
purse of the grandfather, who had died ; a bit of a broken spoon used
by the baby's own mammr. — these and other souvenirs of the family
history made the gift spoon something far out of the ordinary.
One of the most magnificent and costly gifts in silver that is given
to the baby is the entire food set, consisting of plate, bowl, pitcher,
knife and fork, spoon and napkin ring. These sets come in cases and
range in prices ordinarily from $50 to $150, though some very
elaborate ones may be ordered which go far into the hundreds.
' A very pretty and surely most interesting gift that could be sent
to a baby is a baby diary in which the principal events of the little
one's life can be entered by the mother and kept in after years as a
record of those marvelously interesting days of babyhood.
A certain very sensible woman usually deposits a small sum of
money in bank and presents the bank book to her little new friend,
thus laying the foundation for future habits of economy and thrift.
.S20 CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC.
Some Birthday Superstitions,
Monday's child is fair of face.
'I'ucsday's child is full of grace.
Wednesday's child is born for woe.
Thursda) 's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving.
Saturday's child mu^.t work for a living.
15ut the child that is born on the Sabbath day,
Is bonny and happy and wealthy and gay.
CONFIRMATION.
In the Episcopal, Lutheran and Roman Catholic churches, '•Con-
firmation is the scciuel of baptism." Mere comes in one of the duties
of the godparents, ijid should the child become orphaned, or should
its parents by reason of carelessness, or irreligion, r'Cglect this impor-
tant matter, the church holds the godparents ir- a large measure
responsible that these children be brought befoie the Bishop for
confirmation.
Some weeks prior to the arrival of the Bishop, p^.rscns desirous of
admission to the church present their names to t)'A" clergymen, and
classes are formed of instruction and preparation for tUe solemn event.
The ceremony of the confirmation service is in accordance with the
forms of the church in which it is observed. The only uniformity
being in the garb of the young candidates. This for thv^ girls is
always gowns of purest white, with gloves and shoes to match. White
bound prayer-books should be carried, and in the Roman Catholic
and the Lutheran churches white veils and wreaths crown the young
heads. For the youths, black suits, black ties and gloves are tbe
proper thing.
GRADUATION.
With the important event of graduation ends the three g-t^at cere
monies of youth. The chrrch and the school have both set theiv
seal upon the young man and maiden, and tiie business world an'I f'h.'
social world are waiting to receive them.
CHRISTENINGS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC. 321
In the matter of dress for this important event, the young man is
supposed to confine himself to conventional black with white tie. The
young girl is usually in white, with gloves, shoes, hose and fan to
match.
This, however, depends upon the taste of the class, as they expect
to dress alike, and o^ten select some other delicate shade of color for;
the class costume.
Avoid all Extravagance.
There is one thing to be remembered — that is, that too much
extravagance should not be displayed in the selection and adornments
of the gown for the occasion. In the first place, simplicity is tl>;
prerogative of youth. In the second, it is bad taste to overload a
young schoolgirl with expensive materials and lavish ornaments. In
the third, there will always be found in every graduating class one or
more students to whose purse the expenses incident upon the school
course liuve been a heavy drain, and to whom compliance with the
style of dress worn by other members of the class will mean a serious
strain upon the home exchequer, or the incurring of a debt for the
future, Avhile to c'-ess as their purse affords requires more self-denial
than an outsider realizes. The slights, the sneers of insolent class-
mates have driven more than one sensiti^'e soul to solitude and tears,
and clouded what should have been the bright beginning of life w^ith
sorrow and anger.
Directors of schools have more than once striven to do away with
this abuse of the occasion by prescribing the dress to be worn, but
with poor success, since sumptuary laws are not kindly received in
this free country.
Now, the remedy lies in the hands of the girls themselves, and with
their parents. Let it be once understood that such a display is the
mark of social parvenus, of the newly-rich, and the custom will cease
to exist.
Friends bring flowers to the place of graduation which are sent up,
either by the ushers, who are chosen among intimates of the class-
mates, or by tiny boys dressed as pages. These floral offerings have
21
322
CHRISTHNINCS, CONFIRMATIONS, ETC.
come to be so extensive that the sta^^c is often banked with the beau
tiful blossoms. Here, too, is another abuse. To those who have few
friends, and less money, the absence of these remembrances is often so
marked as to cause many a heartache.
Cards with the donor's name and the words, " Congratulations,"
or "Graduation C(^ngratulations," penned in one corner, are tied
with narrow ribbons to these gifts. Presents of a more substantial
nature are also sent up ; books, watches, jewels, etc., antl have a more
lasting remembrance than the fleeting blossoms. One of the prettiest
floral gifts seen on an occasion of graduation was a graceful ship,
white sailed, and lovely, all of fragrant flowers, and full freighted w ith
the hopes and prayers for the young legal graduate, who was sole son
of the house.
Carriages conv^ey the graduates to and from the hall, and a class
reception is supposed to finish the long round of the gaieties oi
"Class Week."
^^^ i:^/t^^^
iquetlEtifdnerflis-flouji
'HE great sorrow brought upon a family by
tlic death of a loved one renders the im-
mediate members of the family incapable
of attending to the necessary arrangements for the
funeral. The services of an intimate friend, or a relative,
should, therefore, be sought. He should receive general instructions
from the family, after which he should take entire charge of the
arrangements, and relieve them from all care on the subject. If such
a person cannot be had, the arrangements may be placed in the hands
of the sexton of the church the deceased attended in life, or of ome
responsible undertaker.
The expenses of the funeral should be in accordance with the
means of the family. No false pride should permit the relatives to
incur undue expense in order to make a showy funeral. At the same
time, affection will dictate that all the marks of respect which you can
provide should be paid to the memory of your beloved dead.
Funeral Invitations.
In some parts of the country it is customary to send notes of invita-
tion to the funeral to the friends of the deceased and of the family.
These invitations should be printed, neatly and simply, on mourning
paper, with envelopes to match, and should be delivered by a private
messenger. The following is a correct form, the names and dates to
be changed to suit the occasion :
"Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funerai
of David B. Jones, on Tuesday, March i8, 189-, at 11 o'clock a. m.,
323
824 ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING.
from his late residence, 1926 Amber Street, to proceed to Laurel Hill
Cemetery."
Where the funeral is from a chureh, the invitation should read:
"Yourself and family are respi-ctfuUy invited to attend the funeral
of David 15. Jones, from the Church of the Holy Trinity, on Tues-
day, March 18, 189-, at 11 o'clock A. m., to proceed to Laurel Hill
Cemetery."
Where such invitations are sent, a list of persons so invited must
be given to the person in charge of the funeral, in ortler that he may
provide a sufficient nimiber of carriages. No one to whom an invita-
tion has not been sent should attend such a funeral, nor should those
'.nvited permit anything but an important duty to prevent their
attendance.
, When the funeral is at the house, some near relative or intimate
friend should act as usher, and show the company to their seats.
Showing Respect for the Dead.
Preserve a decorous silence in the chamber of death — speak as
little as possible, and then only in low, subdued tones.
The members of the family are not obliged to recognize their
acquaintances. The latter show their sympathy by their presence and
considerate silence.
As the coffin is borne from the house to the hearse, gentlemen who
may be standing at the door or in the street remove their hats, and
remain uncovered until it is placed in the hearse.
The pall-bearers should be chosen from among the intimate friends
of the deceased, and should correspond to him in age and general
character.
With regard to sending flowers, the wishes of the family should be
considered. If you are uncertain upon this point, it is safe to send
them. They should be simple and tasteful.
Letters of condolence are sent to those in bereavement by their
intimate friends. We append a few forms that will be helpful to all
jjersons who wish to express their symj^athy with the bereaved.
E'riQlK'I FK OK irNi:R\I,S AND MOURNING. 325
To a Lady on the Death of her Husband.
Dear Mrs. Wa,.ko,> : Cleveland, O., June 6, 189-.
Though I know that no words of mine can bring ( omfort to your sorely
tried heart, yet I < an not refrain from writing to you to express my deep
and heartfelt sympathy in your affliction.
Knowing your husband as intimately as I did, I can understand what a
blow his death is to you. He was a man who.se place will not be easily
filled in the world; how impossible to fdl it in his home!
You are, even in your loss, fortunate in this. He left behind him a name
unsullied, and which should be a priceless legacy to his children and to you.
His life was so i)ure and his Christian faith so undoubted, that we may feel
the blessed assurance that he has gone to the home prepared for those who
love and faithfullv serve the Lord |e.sus.
This should comfort you. You have the hojje of meeting him one day in
a better and a hai)pier union than the ties that bound you here on earth.
He waits fo: you, and reunited there, you will know no more parting.
I pray Cod to temper your affliction and give you strength to endure it.
May He. in His own good time, give you the peace that will enable you tc
wait with patience until He shall call you to meet your loved one in heaven.
Sincerely yours,
Mrs. Lydl\ Walrod, New York. Walter Bailey.
To a Friend on the Death of Her Sister.
,, T^ ^y Geneva, N. Y., Mav 4, 180
Mv Dear Nellie : ' ' «/ ^> ^oy •
The melancholy intelligence of your sister's death has grieved me more
than I can express, and I beg to render you my heartfelt sympathy. Truly
we live in a world where solemn shadow^s are continually falling upon our
path — shadows that teach us the insecurity of all temporal blessings, and
warn us that here "there is no abiding place." We have, however the
blessed satisfaction of knowing that death cannot enter that sphere to which
the departed are removed. Let hope and faith, my dear friend, mingle
,vith your natural sorrow. Look to that future where the sundered ties of
earth are reunited. Very sincerely yours.
To Miss Nellie Barton, Sarah Clark.
.. J. 4 Beacon Place, Boston.
32H ETIQUETTE OF FUNERALS AND MOURNING.
To a Friend on the Death of His Brother.
T^ nr s. Chicago, July 12, 180 — ,
Dear Mr. Ames : * j : > j >
In the death of your brother, you have sustained a misfortune which all
who had the pleasure of knowing him ran feelingly estimate. I condole
with you most sincerely on the sad event, and if the symi)athy of friends can
be any consolation under the trying circumstance, be a.ssured that all who
knew him share in your sorrow for his less. There is, however, a higher'
source of consolation than earthly friendship, and, commending you to that,
I remain,
Yours sincerely,
G. H. Ames, St. Eouis. Jkrome C. Hoover.
To a Friend on the Death of Her Child.
,, TA n Atlanta, Cla., November 17, iSo — .
Alv Dear Blanche : ' ' n j
I feel that a mother's sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be
assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence, yet I must write a few lines
to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief. There is one thing,
however, that should soften the sharpness of a mother's agony under such a
bereavement. It is the reflection that '-little children" are pure and
guileless, and that of such is the kingdom of heaven. "It is well with the
child." Much sin and woe has it escaped. It is treasure laid up in abetter
world, and the gate through which it has passed to peace and joy unspeak-
able is left open so that you, in due time, may follow. Let this be your
consolation.
Affectionately yours.
To Mrs. Blanche Norton, Maud Trowbridgk.
New Haven, Conn.
To a Friend on a Sudden Reverse of Fortune.
,, T^ T? Louisville, Ky., Tune k, 180 — .
My Dear Friend: » / » j o^ j
Hackneyed phra.ses of condolence never yet comforted a man in the hour
of trouble, and I am not going to try their effect in your case. And yet let
me say, in heartfelt earnest, that I was deeply pained to hear of your sudden
and unexpected reverse of fortune. Misfortune is very ha d to bear, when
it falls upon one, like a flash of lightning from a clear sky, without any
K'noiiyrrH ok i tnkkai.s and mourning.
327
warning. But do not be disrouraged. Whtn Senator Honton saw the work
of many years ( onsumcd in ten minutes, he took the matter cooly, went to
Avork again, antl lived long enough to repair the damage. So I hope will
you. There is no motto like "try again," for those whom fate has stricken
down. IJesides, there are better things than wealth even in this world, to
say nothing of the next, where we shall neither buy nor sell.
If I can be of any assistance to you, let me know it, and I will help you
ns far as I am able.
In the meantime, cheer up, and believe me as ever,
Yours sincerely,
K. R. Dkavton, James Sterling.
Covington, Ky.
•* SHE ENTERED ON UNTROUBLED REST-
ommmmm
m&M /nr^HERE is no surer mark of a well-bred man
i or woman than proper and dignified con-
duct in public. The truly polite are always
quiet, unobtrusive, considerate of others, and careful to avoid all mani-
festations of superiority or elegance.
Loud and boisterous talking, immoderate laughing and forward and
pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding. They inevitably
subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he
is thrown, and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such
a person is not used to the ways of poJite society.
Etiquette in Church.
It is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on
Sunday.
In entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to
your pew or seat. Walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the
congregation.
If you are a stranger, wait in the lower part of the aisle until tL .
sexton or ushers show you a seat, or you are invited to enter some pew.
A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner
doors of the church, and should not replace it on his head after service
until he has reached the outer vestibule.
In accompan}-ing a lady to church, pass up the aisle by her side,
open the pew doer for her, allow her to enter first, and then enter and
seat yourself beside her.
Should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next
the door, rise, step out into *^he »isle, and allow her to enter.
328
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 329
Once in church, observe the most respectful silence except when
joining in the worship. Whispering or laughing before the service
begins, or during service, is highly improper. When the worship is
over, leave the sacred edifice quietly and deliberately. You may chat
with your friends in the vestibule, but not in the hall of worship.
Remember, the church is the house of God.
Should you see a stranger standing in the aisle, unnoticed by thQ
sexton or usher, quietly invite him into your pew.
i You should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with tht
books necessary to enable him to join in the service. If he does not
know how to use them, assist him as quietly as possible. Where
thjre are not books enough for the separate use of each person, you
may share yours with an occupant of your pew.
In attending a church of a different denomination from your own
you should carefully observe the outward forms of worship. Stand
up when the congregation do, and kneel with them. A Protestant
attending a Roman Catholic church should be careful to do this. It
involves no sacrifice of principle, and a failure to do so is a mark of
bad breeding. Whatever the denomination, the church is devoted to
the worship of God. Your reverence is to Him — not to the ministers
who conduct the worship.
To be late at church is an offence against good manners.
Gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church, and
stare at the ladies as tliey pass out.
In receiving the Holy Communion both hands should be ungloved.
Etiquette of Fairs.
Fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable
purpose. At such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are
offered for sale.
Ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their
wares. Do not importune a gentleman to buy of you ; and do not
charge an extortionate price for a trifling article. A young man may
not have the courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance ; but his
380 ETIQUETTK OF PUBLIC PLACES.
purchase may be beyond his means, and may invoh'c him in scriou:
embarrassment.
Visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character o:;
quality of the articles offered, unless they can offer sincere praise.
Do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale. If you
cannot afford to buy it, decline it frankly. If you can, pay the sum
asked, although you may tliink it exorbitant, and make no comment.
A gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which
a fair is held, although it be a public hall, and remain uncovered while
in the room.
Flirting, loud or boisterous talking or laughing, and conspicuous
conduct, are marks of bad breeding.
When a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the
article, return the change promptly. Some thoughtless young ladies
consider it " a stroke of business " to retain the whole amount
knowing that a gentleman will not insist upon tiie return of the
change. To do this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill-
breeding.
A lady may accept an\' donation of money a gentleman may wish
to make at her table. The gift is to the charity, not to her ; and the
gentleman pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means cf
increasing the receipts of the fair.
Etiquette of Shopping.
In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making
purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.
Speak to the clerks and employes of the store with courtesy and
kindness. Do not order them to show you anything. Request them
to do so in a polite and ladylike or gentlemanly manner. Give them
no more trouble than is necessary, and express your thanks for the
attentions they may show you. In leaving their counter, say pleas-
antly, " Good-morning," or " Good-day." By treating the employes'
of a store with courtesy, you will render your presence there, welcome,
; nd will receive all the attention such conduct merits.
ETIQUEirE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 331
Should you find another person cxaminin<^ a piece of goods, do not
take hold of it. Wait until it is laid down, and then make your
examination.
To attempt to " beat down " the price of an article is rude. In the
best conducted stores the price of the goods is " fi.xed," and the sales-
men are not allowed to change it. If the price does not suit }'ou, you
an: not obliged to buy, but can go elsewhere.
Pushing or crowding at a counter, or the indulgence in personal
remarks, handling the goods in a careless manner, or so roughly as to
injure them, lounging upon the counter, or talking in a loud voice, are
marks of bad breecling.
Never express your opinion about an article another is purchasing,
unless asked to do so. To say to a customer about to make a pur-
chase that the article can be bought cheap jr at another store, is to
offer a gratuitous insult to the clerk making the sale.
You should never ask or e.xpect a clerk engaged in waiting upon <t
customer to leave that person and attend to you. Wait patiently for
your turn.
It is rude to make unflivorable comparisons between the goods you
are examining and those of another store.
Have your parcels sent, and so avoid the fatigue of carrying them.
It is best to buy for cash. You can always buy cheaper in this
way. If you make bills, however, pay them promptly. Make no bill
you arc not sure of paying at the time promised by you. Avoid debt
as the greatest curse of life.
Etiquette of the Theatre, Opera and Concert.
A gentleman, desiring a lady to accompany him to the opera,
theatre, or other place of amusement, must send her a written invita-
tion not later than the day previous to the entertainment. It must be
written in the third person, upon white note-paper of the best quality,
with an envelope to match. The lady must send her reply immedi-
ately, so that should she be unable to accept, the gentleman may
secure another companion.
332 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
Should the lady accept the invitation, the gentleman must secure
the best seats within his means. To ask a lady to accompany you to
a place of amusement, and incur the risk of being obliged to stand
during the performance, is to be inexcusably rude to her. Should the
demand for seats be so great that you cannot secure them, inform her
at once, and propose another occasion when you can make this provi-
sion for her comfort.
In entering the hall in which the entertainment is given, a gentle-
man should walk by the side of the lady until the seat is reached. If
the width of the aisle is not sufficient to allow this, he should precede
her. As a rule, he should take the outer seat; but if this is the best
for seeing or hearing, it belongs to the lady.
The habit of leaving ladies alone during the " waits," and going
out to "get a drink," or "to speak to a friend," is indicative of bad
manners. A gentleman escorting a lady to a place of amusement is
bound to remain by her side to the end of the entertainment.
Between the Acts.
At the opera it is customary for ladies and gentlemen to leave their
seats, and promenade in the lobbies or foyer of the house during the
intervals between the acts. The gentleman should always invite the
lady to do so. Should she decline, he is bound to remain with her.
A gentleman accompan}'mg a lady is not bound to give up his seat
to another lady. His duty is solely to the lady he accompanies. He
cannot tell at what moment she may need his services, and must
remain where she can command them.
It is rude to w^hisper or talk during a performance. It is discour-
teous to the performers, and annoying to those of the audience around
you, who desire to enjoy the entertainment.
To seek to draw attention to yourself at a place of amusement is
, simply vulgar.
It is in especial bad taste for lovers to indulge in any affectionate
demonstrations at such places.
A gentleman must sec that the lady accompanying him is provided
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
333
vvith a pro<^rainnie. If at the opera, he must also provide her with a
libretto.
Applause is the just due of the deserving actor, and should be given
liberally. Applaud by clapping the hands, and not by stamping or
kicking with the feet.
Upon escorting the lady back to her home, the gentleman should
ask permission to call upon her the next day, which request she
should grant. She should, in her own sweet way, cause him to feel
tint he has conferred a genuine pleasure upon her by his invitation.
A gentleman who can afford it should always provide a carriage on
such occasions. If his means do not permit this, he should not
embarrass himself by assuming the expense. If the evening be
stormy, he should not expect the lady to venture out without a
carriage.
A gentleman should call at the lady's house in full time to allow
them to reach their destination before the commencement of the enter-
tainment.
OUR conduct on the stnx-t should always
be modest and dignified. Loud and bois-
terous conversation or lautjhter and all
undue liveliness are improper in ])ublic, especially in a lady.
When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be so absent-
minded as to fail to recognize your friends. Walk erect and with
dignity, and do not go along reading a book or a newspaper.
Should you stop to .speak to a friend, withdraw to the side of the
walk with him, that you may not interrupt the passing of others.
Should your friend have a stranger with liim, apologize to the stranger
for the interruption. You must never leave your friend with whom
you are walking to speak to another without first askirf^ him to
e.xcuse you.
In walking with a lady on the street, give her the inner .side of the
walk, unless the outside is the safer part, in which case she is entitled
to it. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife
or a near relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her com-
fort or safety require it. At night the arm should alwa\s be offered ;
also in ascending the steps of a public building. A gentleman should
accommodate his walk to that of a lady, or an elderly or delicate
person .
When a lady with whom a gentleman is walking wishes to enter a
store, he should open the door, permit her to pass in first, if prac-
ticable, follow her, and close the door. He should always ring door
bells or rap at a door for her. A gentleman should never pass in
front of a lady, unless absolutely necessary, and should then apologize
for so doing.
S34
WAKKINC, RIDIXCi, BOATINCz, DRIVING.
Should a lady ask itiforniation of a gentleman on the street, he 'nt
raise his hat, bow, and give the desired information. If unable to do
so, he must bow and courteously express his regrets.
In crossing the street, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a
little above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both,
hands is \ulgar, except in places where the nmd is very deep.
.\ gentlema.i meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not
presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission.
It ma\' not be agreeable to her, or convenient that her most intimate
friend should join her. She has the right, after granting such per-
mission, to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may
see fit; and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such
a right. If it is inconvenient for a lady to iiccept the gentleman's
company, she should frankly say so, mentioning some reason, and
excusing herself with friendly courtesy. Gentlemen give place to
ladies, and to gentlemen accompanying ladies, in crossing the .street.
If \'ou have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to
meet in the street, however intimate you may be, do not stop Iier,
but turn round and walk in company ; you can take leave at the end
of the street.
Etiquette of the Street.
When you are passing in the street, and see coming tow'ard you a
person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you
.should offer them the wall — that is to say, the side next the houses.
If a carriage should happen to stop in such a manner as to leave only
a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and
rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expedi-
tiously. Wait your turn, and, if any of the persons before mentioned
come up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the
place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.
When two gentlemen accompany a lady in a walk, she should place
herself between them, and not unduly favor either. A gentleman
meeting a lady friend accompanied by another gentleman should not
join her unless satisfied that his presence is agreeable to both parties.
336 WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING.
A lady sliould not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By
so doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indig-
nity at the hands of the rougher class. When a lady passes the
evening with a friend, she should make arrangements beforehand for
some one to come for her at a stated hour. If this cannot be done,
or if the escort fails to come, she should courteously ask the host to
permit a servant to accompany her home. A married lady may, if
circumstances render it necessary, return home alone. An unmarried
lady should never do so.
Should your host offer to accompany you himself, decline his offer,
politely stating that you do not wish to give him so much trouble ;
but should he insist upon it, accept his escort. In the case of a
married lady, the husband should always come for her. He is an ill-
bred fellow who refuses to render his wife such attention, A lady,
upon arriving at her home, should always dismiss her escort with
thanks. A gentleman should not enter the house, although inv«ted
by the lady to do so, unless for some especial reason.
Evading a Long Talk.
Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on
dark gloves as you may soil her white o -es.
If, when on your way to fulfil an ci^fagement, a friend stops you in
the street, you may, without con^nitting any breach of etiquette, tell
him of your appointment, and release yourself from a long talk ; but
do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity,
A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to
attract the attention of the other sex, or of persons of her own sex.
Her conduct is always modest and unassuming. Neither does a
lady demand services or favors from gentlemen. She accepts them
graciously, always expressing her thanks.
A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel door-
ways, or club windows, and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass
by. This is the exclusive business of loafers, upon 'vhich well-bred
men will not trespass.
WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING. 337
Do not shout to your acquaintances from tlic opposite side of the
itreet. ]?o\v, or wave your liand, or make any courteous motion ; but
do it quietly and with di<;nit\'. If you wish to speak to them, cross
the street, signallin<^ to them your desire.
A lady walking with two gentlemen should not take an arm of
each ; neither should a gentleman walk with a lady on each arm,
unless at night, in coming from a place of amusement or passing
through a crowd.
In Walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross
the street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the out-
side unles^; the lady's comfort renders it necessary.
In walking with a lady, where it is necessary for you to proceed
singly, always go before her.
ETIQUETTE OF RIDING.
The etiquetic of riding is very exact and important. Rem.ember
that your left when in the saddle is called the utar-sidc, and your right
\he ^-i^-side, and that you always mount on the /u^ar-sidc. In doing
this, put your left foot in the stirrup ; your left hand on the saddle ;
then, as you take a spring, throw your right leg over the animal's
back. Remember, also, that the rule of the road, both in riding and
driving, is, that you keep to the ri^/if.
Never appear in public on horseback unless you have mastered the
inelegancies attending a first appearance in the saddle, wliich you
should do at a riding-school. A novice makes an exhibition of him-
self, and brings ridicule on his friends. Having got a " seat " by a
little practice, bear in mind the advice conveyed in the old rhyme —
** Keep up you J" head and your heart,
Your hands and your heels keep down,
Press your knees close to your horse's sides
And your elbows close to your own."
In riding with ladies, recollect that it is your duty to sec them in
their saddles before you mount. And the assistance they require
must not be rendered by a groorr^ ; /ou must assist them yourself.
22
3^8
WALKING, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING.
The lady will place herself on the ne?.r side of the horse, her skin
gathered up in her left hand, her right on the ponnnel, keeping her
face toward the horse's heatl. Vou stand at its shoulder, facing her.
and stooping, hold your hand so thatshs; may place her left foot in it ;
then lift it as she springs, so as to aid her, but not to give such an
impetus that, like " vaulting ambition," she loses her balance, and
^' falls o' the other side." Next, put her foot in the stirrup and smooth
the skirt of her habit — then you are at hberty to mount yourself.
THE PROPER POSITION OF A LADY AND GENTLEMAN IN RIDING.
Keep to the right of the lady or any ladies riding with you.
Open all gates and pay all tolls on the road. Never, under any
circumstances, allow a lady to attend to any duty of this kind while
under your escort. You must anticipate her every need, :.nd provide
for it ; making her comfort your first thought.
If you meet friends on horseback, do not turn back with them ; if
you overtake them, do not thrust your company upon them unless
you feel assured that it is agreeable to them for you to do so.
V/'ALKING, RIDL\G, BOATING, DRU'ING.
33f>
/ If you are on horseback and meet a lady who is walking, and with
whom you wish to speak, dismount for that purpose, and lead your
horse. To put her to the inconvenience of straining after and shouting
to you, would be a gross breach of manners.
If you enter a carriage with a lady, let her first take her place on
the seat facing the horses. Enter a carriage so that your back is
toward the seat you are tu occupy; you will thus avoid turning r^und
3^1?^^-::^ ^^'■
MODE OF ASSISTING A LADY INTO A CARRIAGE.
in the carriage, which is awkward. Take care that you do not trample
<jn the ladies' dresses, or shut them in as you close the door.
The rule in all cases is this : you quit the carriage first and hand
the lady out.
You may properly speed your horse in driving with a lady, but
remember that it is vulgar to drive too fast ; it suggests the idea ol
your having hired the "trap" from a livery stable, and is in every
respect ungentlemanly.
34<> WALKINO, KIDINC, llOAriNC. I)kI\'I\(;.
Tlic Ccirria^L;c <>r Ihi^l;}- shuulil be tlriwii close to the sidewalk, aiul
llic horses turned from the sidew.dk, so as to s[)reatl the u heels aw.iy
from the step. Tlie L^eiitleiiian should tlu ii aIiL;ht, ([uiet the liorses,
and hold the reins in his rij^lit liand as a L;uard against accidents.
The ladysliould, in lea\inL,^the carriai^e, jjlaee her hands on tlie gentle
man's shoulders, while lie should place his under her elbows, 'riien,
with iiis assistance, she should sj)rinL^ hLjhtlv to the pavement, passinj^'
him on his left side to avoid the reins Avhieh he liolds in his rii;ht.
In drivini;, the s^entlem.ui must place ;l lad}' on his left. 'J'his leaves
jiis rii^ht arm frt-e to manai^e his horses.
A ifentlenian shoiild not drive fa.st if the ladv acconii)an\ini/ him is
timid, or objects to it. lie should consult her wishes in all thitv^s,
and take no risks, as he is responsible for her s.ifetx'. .\bo\e all, he
should ne\'er race witli another team. Such conduct is disrespectful
to the lad\' v.ho accompanies liim.
THE ETIQUETTE OF BOATING.
There are certain customs and iisat^es in cc^nnection u'ith this inter-
estin<^ pastime that f'jserve to be noted and observed.
(jentlemen unaccustomed to the management of a boat should
never venture out with ladies. To do so is foolhardy, if not criminal.
Great care should be taken not to overload a boat. The frequent
boating accidents that happen are in most instances due either to ox'cr-
loading, or to the inexperience of the man at the oars. Men v,ho
cannot swim should nevt.T take ladies upon the water.
Assisting Ladies to Their Seats.
When the gentlemen are going out with the ladies, one of them
steps into the boat and helps the ladies in and seats them, the other
handing them do-wn from the bank or pier. When the ladies have
comfortably disposed themselves, and not before, the boat may be
shoved off. Great care must be taken not to splash the ladies, either
in first dipping the oars or subsecjuently. Neither should anything be
done to cause them fright.
C3
o
"> 1 '>
WALKlNCr, RIDING, BOATING, DRIVING
Who Should Row.
If a friend is with you, he must be given the preference of seats.
You must ask him to row "stroke," as that is the place of honor.
If you cannot row, do not pretend you can. Say right out that
you can't, and thus settle it, consoling yourself with the pleasant
reflection that your confession entitles you to a seat by the side of the
ladies and relieves you from the possibility of drowning the whole ^
party.
A Popular Exercise.
Rowing has become a great fad among the ladies in recent years,
and it is to be commended as a wholesome and vigorous exercise.
But it should be indulged only on quiet rivers or on private lakes.
If ladies venture into more frequented waters, they must at least have
the protection of a gentleman. And in all cases they must wear cos-
tumes proper for the exercise, which requires freedom of movement
in every part. Corsets should be left at home, and a good pair of
stout boots should complete an equipment in which a skirt barely
touching the ground, a flannel shirt and a sailor hat are the leading
features. Rovving gloves should protect the hands
The ordinary rowing costume for gentlemen is white flannel
trousers, white rowing jersey and a straw hat. Peajackets are worn
when their owners are not absolutely employed in pulling the oar.
A
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.YCLING having taken
such a mighty grasp
upon the land, it has
n/tiurally followed that an etiquette of cycling should be established,
in^cl that it should be well established and rigidly regarded by society.
T^jorc are the details of meeting, mounting, right of way and various
other points whic'i are carefully observed and give the desired air
of fasliionable righteousness, without which, for many people, the
pleasure of meeting in a social way on one's wheel would be but
legendary
It is di.\l.inctly understood in the first place that "cycling" is the
:orrect wor^ \ \ the up-to-date woman dares not speak of bicycling nor
of wheeling.
A Cycler's Guide.
If in town, ^he early hours of the morning are chosen for a ride
through the pdvU. This is on the same principle that it is considered
good form for a > vjang woman to drive only in the morning, that is,
when she herself is the whip. In the country the rules, both as
regards cycling and v^n'ving, are not as rigid. The maiden, however,
who is a stickler for form, does all her cycling in the hours which
com.:; before noon — unless there be ri special meet, a bicycle tea, for
inpjance, or a spin by moonlight.
Neither is it correct for a young woman to ride unaccompanied. In
the matter of chaperons we ire becoming almost as rigid as the
French, who scarcely allow a yo'jng girl to cross the street, to say
nothing of shopping or calling, without being accompanied by an
elder woman, her mother, relative, or a friend, as a chaperon.
243
'i44 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE.
During the past few years there has been a tendency in America
toward a closer imitation of all French etiquette which has brought in
its train a strict construction of the duties of a chaperon.
Maids Do Duty.
The unmarried woman who cycles must be chaperoned by a mar-
ried lady — as every one rides nowadays, this is an affair easily
managed. Neither must the married woman ride alone ; failing a
male escort, she is followed by a groom or a maid.
A w^oman is very fortunate if among her men or women servants,
one knows how to ride a bicycle. Ladies occasionally go to the
expense of having a servant trained in the art.
A Man's Duty.
If one possesses such a commodity as a brother or a husband, he
can always be made useful on a cycling excursion. Never is a man
better able to show for what purpose he was made than upon such
occasions.
The man's duty to the woman who rides might be made the text
for a long sermon ; but long sermons arc never popular ; therefore, it
may be better to state briefly that he must always be on the alert to
assist his f lir companion in every way in his power — he must be clever
enough to repair any slight damage to her machine which may occur
en route, he must assist her in mounting and dismounting, pick her up
if she has a tumble, and make himself generally useful and incident-
ally ornamental and agreeable.
He rides at her left in order to give her the more guarded place, as
the rule of the road in meeting other cyclers is the same as that for a
carriage, to turn to the right. In England, the reverse is the case.
Assisting the Lady.
In mounting, the gentleman who is accompanying a lady holds her
wheel ; she stands on the left side of the machine and puts her right
foot across the frame to the right pedal, which at the time must be
BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. Mh
up ; pushing the right pedal causes the machine to start and then
with the left foot in place, the rider starts ahead — slowly at first, in
order to give her cavalier time to mount his wheel, which he will do
in the briefest time possible.
Wht n the end of the ride is reached, the man quickly dismounts
and is at his companion's side to assist her, she, in the meantime,
assisting herself as much as possible. This is done — that is, dis-
mounting in the most approved style — by riding slowly, and when the
L'ft pedal is on the rise, the v.eight of the body is thrown on it, the
iight foot is crossed over the frame of the machine, and, with an
assisting hand, the rider easily steps to the ground.
In meeting a party of cyclists who are known to each other and
desire to stop for a parley, it is considered the proper thing for the men
of the party to dismount while in conversation with the ladies.
As to the furnishings of the bicycle, to be really complete, it musv.
be fitted out with a clock and a bell, luggage carrier and a cyclo-
meter, the latter being an absolute si/w qua non to the woman who
cares for records. From five to six lessons are always considered
necessary before one can master even the details of riding.
On the Road.
On the road the woman who wishes tr ride a la mode has to know
a number of little th'ngs that are overlooked by another woman, ]\.n
as the smart set have a code for riding and driving that is as inexora-
ble as that they should not cat with their knives or put sugar on
oysters. Society insists on an upright position, with, of course, no
attempt at racing pace. It also frowns upon constant ringing of the
bell — that will do for the vulgar herd who delight in noise. The well-
informed wheelwoman keeps eye and ear alert and touches her bell
rarely. She dresses daintily and inconspicuously — effaces herself, in
f.ict, as n.uch in this exercise as she does in all public places
Very gallant escorts use a towrope when accompanying a lady on
a wheeling spin. These are managed in various ways ; one consists
of an India-rubber door-spring just strong enough to stretch a little
S40 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE.
\v?th the strain, and about six feet of shade cord. One end is attached
to the lady's vlicel at the lamp bracket or brake rod by a sprin<^
swivel, and the other end is hooked to the escort's handle bar in such
a way that he can set it free in a moment, if necessar)-. Wlien he
has finished towini:^ he drops back to the lady's side, han<^ing the
loose end of the cord over her shoulder, to be ready for the next
hill. A gentle pull that is a bagatelle to a strong rider is of great
assistance to a weak one up hill or against a strong wind.
For Protection Against Dogs.
P^very bicyclist in the land will rise up and call the inventor of the
a'"nmonia gun for dogs blessed. Nothing is Tiiore anno)ing to the
rider than to have a mongrel dog barking at his pedals and scurrying
across his pathway in such close proximity to the front wheel as to be
a constant reminder of a possible "header." The gun is calculated
to make an annoying dog sneeze and sniff away all future ambitions
to investigate the pace of a rider. It is said to be a perfect instrument
in every way; The advantages enumerated for it are : Postively will
not leak ; has no spring to press or caps to remove, and will shoot
A^om* five to twelve times from fifteen to thirty feet with one loading.
A Few Don'ts for Cyclers.
Don't try to rai«e your hat to the passing "bloomer" until you
become an expert in guiding your wheel.
Don't buy a bicycle with down-curve handles. It is impossible to
sit erect and hold that kind of a handle.
Don't go out on a bicycle wearing a tail coat unless you enjoy mak-
ing a ridiculous show of yourself.
Don't travel without a jacket or loose wrap, to be worn while test-
ing. A summer cold is a stubborn thing.
Don't allow a taste for a bit of color in yoa<" make-up to tempt you
to wearing a red or other gay-colored cap.
Don't get off the old gag about "that tired feeling'' every time
you stop by the roadside for a little breathing speU.
BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 347
Don't .ibscnt yourself from church to go wheeling, as you and your
bicycle are welcome at most houses of worship.
Don't leave your bicycle in the lower iiallway of your flat-house
for the other tenants to fall over in the dark.
Don't believe the f rmer boy who says that it is "two miles to the
next town." It may be two, four, six or twelve.
Don't be more than an hour passing a given point, although
wheeling on a dusty road is honestly co';ducive to thirst.
Don't smile at the figure others cut astride their wheels, as it is not
given you to see yourself as others see you.
Don't coast down a strange hill with a curve at its bottom. There
is no telling what you will meet when it is too late.
Don't ride ten miles at a scorching pace, then drink cold water and
lie around on the grass, unless you are tired of life.
Don't try to carry your bike downstairs under your arm. Put it
on your shoulder, or you will come to distress.
Don't laugh the watchful copper to scorn because your lamp i."--
burning brightly. He can afford to wait his time to laugh.
Don't dress immodestly or in the costume of a track sprinter.
Sweaters worn like a Chinaman's blouse are almost indecent.
Don't forget that the modern law of the road requires you to turn
out to the right in passing another bicycle or other vehicle.
Women's Bicycle Rides.
"Women who ride bicycles should make it a law v/ith themselves
never to ride after a feeling of v.eariness comes over them," said a
well-known physician. " I just came from visiting a woman who tried
to ride around the city last Sunday. It was the fourth time she had
ever ridden a wheel out of doors. She got half way around, came
home in street cars and a carriage, and has been sick in bed ever
since. She ought to be an example to all- women who ride. For
those who are beginning, especially, and in a measure for all women,
there is a great danger in overdoing. Some women ride centuries, it
i.s true, but they are men in strength. No ordinary woman should
318 BICYCLE ETIQl^ETrE.
start out before knowing how far she is going. Ordinarily, though,
they ride twice as far as they ought. They start out and ride away
from home until they get tired.
"Then they ha\e to ride back, getting more anrl more cxhausteo
with every turn of the wheels. No ordinar}' woman who rides once
or twice a week should go more than ten miles at a trip. That is
perhaps an hour's ride, that may be easlK' extended to an h.our and a
quarter before that distance is covered, and if snc does not feel fresh
and in a glow w'len she stops, she may be certain that she has ridden
foo long. Naturally there is that health)- tired feeling which any one
recognizes after athletic exercise, but it is (juite tlifferent from and
never to be mistaken for the weariness which comes from too much
exertion and straining of the nerves and muscles. Very few women
hav^c ever been injured on a bicycle who kept to this rule and limited
their riding to nominal distances.
Length of the Ride.
" This limit of distance, which is designated by the feeling of weari-
ness, is only a little more important than the limit of speed which the
female frame is capable of undergoing under healthy exercising rules.
Whether a man can ride at full speed for a long distance and still
retain his good health is a doubtful question. It is certain, however,
that no woman can keep up a high rate of speed for even a generous
portion of a mile and not create the beginning of injuries. The 2,dded
strength required to increase speed even a little after a certain ? mount
of power has been expended is out of all proportion to the results.
There is no relaxation of the muscles between revolutions of the
pedals, nor any let up on the nervous and muscular strain while the
speed lasts. The heart is far more taxed than one realizes at the
moment, and that species of tingling or numbness in the nerves and
muscles which often results is only a sign that they have both been
overtaxed."
Properly used, a wheel is certainly a promoter of health. It develops
muscles that are seldom, if ever, otherwise used. It gains for w Tr-^n
BICYCLE ETIQUETTE. 340
that ideal condition of tlic flesh so prized by sculptors and artists,
namely, a firm, solid tissue when the muscles are flexed, and a soft-
ness of an infant with muscular relaxation. It develops the entire
torso and limbs, it renders one's nerves like steel and is a splendid
antidote for headaches.
An exceedin*,dy smart and yet thoroughly practical cycling costume
is known as the " Londonderry," and is made in gray-green hopsack,
a soft fabric which lends itself admirably to the full folds of the ample
knickerbockers, which form a most important part of this costume.
The " Ix)ndonderry " coat is made with long and very full basques,
which form a kind of skirt when on the machine, and which, neverthe-
less, do not interfere in the least with the rider's freedom of action.
This coat is prettily braided with black, and fastened with big black
buttons. It is so arranged in front that it can be worn either with a
shirt or over a double-breasted vest of cloth or leather.
Skirts are an Abomination.
A renowned lady writer says : " In the first place let me condemn
the skirt — not from prejudice, but from experience. Skirts, no matter
how light, how trim, how heavy, are both a nuisance and a danger.
A nuisance because they are always subject to entanglement in the
wheel ; because they fly up with every breeze and motion ; because
they have not the chic appearance of the properly made bloomer, and
because, if they are weighted, like a riding habit, they m.ake so much
more to carr)' against the wind. And breeze makes weight.
" They are a danger because with the constant pumping of the
pedals the knee is required to raise too great a weight ; this bears
upon the body just below the back of the hips, giving backache ;
often more serious troubles. I w'ouldn't wear a skirt. I had one torn
off me by the wheel ; but I rode with them long enough to give a
just comparison of the merits of skirts 7'ersus bloomers.
*' Riding suits should be of fine, light w-eight, navy blue or black
material, made with bloomers, and the blouse with tailor-made jacket.
I wear the sweater myself in preference, because it is not so apt to
350 BICYCLE ETIQUETTE.
leave one subject to changes of temperature. The Alpine hat of Tarn
O'Shanter is an fait for street, with leggings to match the bloomers
and jacket, and low shoes made broad on the ball of the foot. All
bicycle shoes should be broad on the ball, because the pedaling is
done with the ball, not with the under cur\e, as so many think. Doe-
skin gloves are best for ordinary' riding. Bloomers should be made
to fasten at the left side of the back, which leaves room for a pocket
on the right side. Tinted leggings should always match the hat and
gloves.
"Tell the ladies to have their saddles built high and wide in the
back, sloping away and downwards in front ; and that if they pedal
properly there is no reason why bicycling should not be a healthlal,
moral, modest and permanent form of exercise. For, mark it," she
added, as a parting sally, "the wheel has come to stay."
A Pace Indicator.
A man who rides for health and pleasure and not to race or score
centuries says that his plan is never to go so fast that he must breathe
through his mouth. As long as his nostrils can supply sufficient air
he knows that he is not over-exerting himself. As soon as he feels
an inclination to breathe through his mouth he slackens his pace.
Don't Dodge a Bicycle.
Before bicycling will ever become a success a meeting must be
called for the purpose of allowing the wheelmen and the pedestrian t(?
arrive at some understanding. " I am in favor of a convention o-
something of that sort," said a prominent wheelman to a reporter.
As it is now, a rider comes down the street and sees ahead of him
at a crossing a man or woman w^ho is supposed to be endowed with
reasonable intelligence. This person is in the act of crossing the
street. He looks up, sees the rider coming and stands still right in
the middle of the street. Of course, he is mentally calculating his
chances for getting across safely.
In the meantime, the rider is getting closer and closer and is in a
BICYCLE E riQUETTE. ,-551
study equally as profound as to what the person is goin^^ to do. The
pedestrian takes a step forward, takes another glance up the street,
stops, starts back, makes an effort to reach the pavement, stops again,
starts forward, stops.
0( course, by this time the cyclist is almost at a standstill and is
also zigzagging from one side to the other, waiting and muttering.
The pedestrian seems to give up all possibility t>f escape, faces the
rider, both arms extended, jumps from one foot to the other, and the
two collide. The cyclist is thrown to the ground, his wheel twisted,
and he gets the blame.
And how easily all this can be avoided! Let the pedestrian, instead
of performing all these trying evolutions, merely walk along as though
there was nothing behind him, keep his course, and the c\xlist will
know what to do. He v.ill turn his wheel to one side and slide past
with perfect ease and safety. On the crossings let a man walk along
as though there were not a bicycle in the state, and the wheelman
will judge his course accordingly. He has control of his wheel and
is as anxious not to collide as the other fellow.
LUB life in all large cities is becoming so
important a factor of social life that no
book on etiquette would be complete with-
^''•■■'(^'''^^■W out some notice of its varied features.
The membership of the smaller social clubs is chosen solely for the
purpose of social enjoyment, and they frequently blackball names that
i.re brought up for membership simply from the standpoint of some
member to whom the one proposed may not be personally agreeable.
If an iipplicant is blackballed once, his friends should not persist in
Introducing his name again.
In the larger clubs, where the members are never all thrown together
it any one time, no one should blackball a name from a personal
standpoint.
If any one, however, is aware of some blemish in the character of
the candidate for admission, he has good grounds for objection.
Observing the Rules.
A new member of a club should at once acquaint himself with the
rules and regulations that govern the organization and govern himse'I
accordingly. The courtesy that obtains in the home is to be observed
in the club-rooms. ~
Opinions of others should be respected, and exciting discussions, or
disturbing topics of conversation, are to be avoided there, as they
should be in the home circle. Remember thrt every one has the
same right to his preconceived opinions as you have to yours.
Treat all books, papers and other club property with due care.
Never take any article away from the club-house. Never monopolize
any one article to the exclusion of others.
352
CLUB etiqup:ttp:. 353
When there are certain rooms appointed for smoking, confine your-
self to them when indulgini^ in the weed. In the reading-room observe
the same respect for the readers that you would wish observed toward
yourself, only another renderini^ of the Golden Rule which is at the
foundation of all good manners. While there converse very little, and
tliat in a low tone of voice.
Do not look upon the servants of the club as your private property,
and never send them on personal errands without first obtaining the
consent of the manager. Never expect undue attention from the
waiters. Do not take dogs into club-rooms ; they are liable to destroy
furniture, and everj^one may not appreciate them as much as you do.
Morning dress is worn at the club. In the evening a dress suit
may be worn if desired, but morning costume is equally appro-
priate. Hats should be removed at luncheon or dinner.
Gentlemen will refrain from much mentioning of the names of ladies
ivhile in the club-rooms, or from indulging in scandal. Serious ill-
feeling is often aroused in this manner. ]\Iany men refuse to listen to
anything of the kind, and will retire if any such subject is brought up.
Introduction of Friends.
Some clubs have cards for introducing vi'^itors, as :
VISITING CARD.
Columbia Club, 420 Madison Square.
Admit Mr.
Introduced by Mr —
Club members are at liberty to introduce friends at ther respective
clubs, but care should be exercised in this respect, since they must
vouch for their friends' behavior, and in many cases are held respon-
sible for the debts they may contract. It is not at all necessary that
such a guest shouL^ '^'' .jrmally presented to any of the officials, nor
to many of the members, unless in the case of some guest whom the
club would delight to honor.
23
m
RECEPTlUis AT THE CLUB
CLUB ETIQUETTE. 355
The jTucst of a club is expected to conform to all rules of the asso-
ciation while enjoying its hospitalities, but he may also avail himself
of all its privileges, with the exception that he is not permitted to
introduce another stranger. A gentleman about to leave town, and
who has been entertained at a club, leaves his card in a sealed
envelope for the gentleman who introduced him.
Ladies' clubs are now coming to the front in such profusion as to
make it necessary to give them some notice. Tlie same general rules
of etiquette apply to them as to a club of men. As a rule, women's
clubs have some especial feature, some object to call them into being.
The most usual form that the club acti\'ities assume is that of liter-
ary work of some kind, either as a gathering of literary women, or
simply a gathering of women for some particular form of litcrar}'
study. They usually give club banquets and club luncheons, h\i
rarely attain to the dignity of a cafe.
Barring Out Disputed Questions.
The temper of the meetings depends very largely on the kind of
organization that holds them, whether, for instance, as in the case of
Sorosis, it is a club of refined and educated women, of literar)'' and
artistic pursuits and tastes, or whether it is one for reform, as temper-
ance, suffrage, social purity, or religious development and work. The
members of Sorosis, when in session, are well-bred, if not always clear-
headed and reasonable. Religious gatherings of women arc seldom
other than of good temper, and quiet in their tone.
Political meetings and sectarian meetings are apt to be turbulent.
This fict has been recognized bv so .le women's clubs, .Sorosis, for
example, and they will not permit the subjects to be discussed or
introduced in any way at meetings.
The various business womens' and working girls' clubs are insti-
tuted for the .sole purpose usually of furnishing good lunches at the
noon hour at reasonable rates, and combine this feature with pleasant
reception and lounging rooms, and often with various literary and
business courses of study,
356 CLUB ETIQUf:TTE.
There is one Ladies' Surburban Club — the Alexandra—the most
exclusive of London's women clubs. It is also the most successful.
No individual of the other sex above the age of twelve is admitted
beyond the doormat. Husbands, fathers, and brothers, are all ruth-
lessly excluded from within its sacred precincts. It furnishes an
admirable center for shopping operations, and for lunches, teas, etc.
It possesses the advantages of bedrooms, let at the most reasonable
rate, so that girls and young married women can spend a night or two
in town without any trouble to chaperons or maids. Women friends,
of course, may be admitted into the club, and servants and trades-
people interviewed. It is named for the Princess of Wales, and no one
ivho has not been presented to the Queen is eligible to membership.
There is also a Ladies' Suburban Club in Chicago that partakes of
the same features, save that it is not founded upon quite so aristocratic
a basis, and the suburban woman heartily appreciates its benefits. No
more does she wander aimlessly up and down the streets while await-
ing a home-bound train. She has a resting place of her own with.*/
easy reach of the shopping district, one where she can be tnade pre-
sentable for matinee or theater. Hero, on one floor, she i^nds hair-
dressers, manicurists, a cafe, a woman ready to repair damaged
garments ; and should she miss the last train, comfortable sleeping-
rooms, where she can spend the night quietly. There, the club-
shopper is ready to attend sales and do all manner of purchasing —
from ordering funeral flowers to selecting a good seat at the theater,
while the club nursery is responsible for all children left there. Their
membership hails from many states.
Presiding at a Woman's Club.
The average woman is not so well qualified to preside over meet-
ings in which continual interruptions are occurring, through the
members rising to points of order, and other questions of privilege,
because, unlike the average man, she has not given much attention to
the study of parliamentary law.
The rules for conducting a meeting do not admit of any personal
CLUB ETIQUETTE. 357
feeling or individual taste on the part of the presiding officer. On
the contrary, there is a code oi" rules expressly laid down to guide and
regulate such matters.
The presiding officer is not supposed to control the opinions of the
members, but merely to direct them. She should be in entire sym-
pathy with the objects of the meeting, and have a full and complete
understanding of all its aims, objects and purposes. This latter is a
very important consideration. Members, and especially new ones,
are constantly asking for iniL.rmation, and unless the presiding officer
can furnish it briefly and at once, delays are sure to occur, and the
meeting be anything but pleasant or satisfactory to the other mem-
jers present.
Order of Business.
Having been chosen to preside, the first duty is to call the meeting
to order. If it is a first meeting, the objects for wdiich it is called
should then be stated clearly, but in as few words as possible. If it
is not a first meeting, but a regular or constituted one, the presiding
officer should have the roll of members called by the secretary. The
minutes of the last meeting should then be read. Next, the presiding
officer should appoint her committees for the session ; or, if it is
a regular meeting, the reports of the various committees appointed at
the previous session should be heard. Next, the regular business
should be taken up, and having been disposed of, the presiding officer
should allow the introduction of any new business that may properly
come before the meeting.
It is of the utmost importance that a presiding officer should be
possessed of good eyesight, so as to be able to perceive a member as
soon as she rises. There must be no hesitation or nervousness about
a presiding officer. She must be ever on the alert, with all her facul-
ties about her. She must be broad-minded, liberal, and clear-visioned,
with a readiness to instruct the members when any mistakes are made,
and always willing to grant the full liberty of debate to all ; for out of
the widest differences vvill come the very best conclusions after full and
fair discussion.
X XOMEN are our only leisure class. This has been so often
Wi repeated that it scarcely matters to whom the credit of the
saying must be given.
In this country the burden of social work rests upon women, while
in all European countries, men, young and old, statesmen, officials,
princes, ambassadors, make it one of the duties of life to visit, leave
cards and take up all the numerous burdens of the social world.
Here it is the lady of the house that does all this. Husbands,
fathers, sons, are all too much engrossed in the pursuit of business or
pleasure to spend time in these multifarious cares. Mrs. John Sher-
wood says : "They cannot even spend time to make their dinner calls.
'Mamma, please leave my cards,' is the legend written on their
banners."
Influence of Women.
The wonderful influence of women of culture and fashion, with their
" happy ways of doing things " in the political, as well as the social
world, is as great now in Washington as it ever was in Paris, in the
palmiest days of the Imperial Sa/oii.
The graces and the courtesies of life are in their hands. It is
women who create society. It is women from whom etiquette is
learned, not from association v/ith men. The height of a stage of
civilizaiion can always be measured by the amount of deference paid
to woman. The culture of a particular man can be guaged by hia
manner when in the company of ladies.
358
\
SOCIETY. S50
Primitive niar. rridJo vomen do all the hard work of life, bear all
the burdens, cat of the leavings, and be the servants c^ the tribe.
Civilized man, on the other hand, gives precedence to woman in
every particular. He serves her first, he gives her places of comfort
and safety, he rises to assist her at every opportunity, and we measure
his culture by sins of omission, or commission, along this line.
Thus, all these small observances not only conduce to the comfort
of woman, but they refine and do away with the rough and selfish side
of man's nature, for without this /cfining contact with gentlewoman-
hood, a man will never lose the innate roughness with which nature
has endowed him.
It is women, as before said, who create etiquette, ar J Burke tells
us that "manners are of more importance than laws. " A fine manner
is the " open sesame " that admits us to the audience chamber of the
world. It is the magic wand at whose touch all barriers dissolve.
Effect of Cultured Manners.
" Give a boy address and accomplishments and you give him the
mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes. He has not the
trouble of earning or owning them ; they solicit him to enter and
possess."
Whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with
others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette, which govern
the whole machinery of society, and it is largely to women with their
leisure, and their tact, that we must look to create and sustain the
social fabric.
"To know her is a liberal education," was the stately compliment
once paid a woman, and there are women left to whom it still applies.
As Enierson says in his essay upon "Manners:" "Are there not
women who inspire us with courtesy; who unloose our tongues, and
we speak; who anoint our eyes, and we see? We say things we
never thought to have said. For once, our walls of habicual reserve
vanished and left us at large ; we were children playing with children
in a wide field of flowers. Steep us, we cried, in these influences for
860 SOCIE^rV.
days, for weeks, and we shall be .sunny poets and write out in many-
colored words the romance that you arc."
The successful society woman has a genius for leadership. She
molds and makes what she will of her surroundinijs. She under-
values the talents of no one ; she rather draws out and makes the
most of every one with whom she comes in contact.
She is quiet, she is reposeful, she has the tact that puts every one
with whom she meets at ease, and, above all, she is sympathetic. A
judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the
highest attributes of our nature,
"Unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life." It is
tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weak-
ness that we would support and conceal from others. Madame
Recamier had this gift of hidden sympathy, this power of drawing out
the best that was in those who approached her. To this gift it was
that she owed that power over all men which survived her wonderful
beauty.
A Sympathetic Nature.
It was not her wit, for with this she was not so greatly endowed ;
it was not alone her beauty, for the eminent men and women of the
day followed her when, blind and poor, she sought the solitude of the
abbey ; but it was the delicate tendrils of her sympathy and the stead-
fastness of her friendship that drew towards her all hearts, and molded
and welded her company of followers into one of the most perfect and
powerful social circles that has ever surrounded any society leader.
Many an awkward situation has been saved by feminine tact. There
was the cabinet-member's wife who drank out of her finger-bowl
because her guest, a senator, had done so. And the general's wife
who, when a clumsy tea drinker smashed a priceless cup, picked up
another of the fragile affairs and crushed it between her fingers with
a "They do break easily, don't they?" And the woman who, when
M. Blanc was mistaken at an English garden party for a page, replied,
"Well, M. Blanc is a page — of history."
This tact is in great measure a natural gift, but it can be cultivated.
SOCIETY. 361
and is well worth the trouble. Nothinfr can be so utterly painful in
society as the tactless person who is perpetually " doin^ those things
which he ought not to have done, and leaving undone those th'Ugs
which he ought to have done."
The art of conversation, too, is worth cultivating. A woman, noted
among her friends for her delightful letters and as delightful gifts of
conversation, was asked how she managed it.
"Frankly," was the reply, " I strive for it. When I see in a book
or luar anywhere a happy phrase, <^r a telling sentence, I make a
mental note of it, and watch for an opportunity to incorporate it in
my own speech or written word. I don't m^an I appropriate other
folks' ideas in wholesale fashion, but I do ste;d or utilize their knack
of expression. Another point I make is never to permit myself to
speak carelessly, that is, slovenl\', any more than I let my luiir be
untidy or my gowns mud-stained. It does not seem to me frivolous
or bestowing too much care on trifles to take this small pains for my
betterment. I pin a flower on my dress for a bit of color, or a<ljust
a bow where I know it is becoming ; why should I not apply the
decorative idea to my speech?"
Power through Repose.
Cultivate repose of manner. Be calm and restful. Do not fidget
Command of tlu^ tongue is a valuable accomplishment to cultivate.
Many a young girl is actually fidgety, because she thinks to be a suc-
cess she must be "full of life " and always "on the go." She wants
to be bright and vivacious. If such is her temperament and her
vivaciousness comes spontaneously it is perhaps attractive, though it is
very likely to get tiresome.
Nine out often women would be twice as attractive if tliey would
learn to keep still and thus gain the full social value of this ability.
Especially is this true of young girls. When a young man is intro-
duced, why plunge at him with a volley of plnases? An effect is
made twice as quickly if his look is met with steady, quiet eyes, a few
words spoken in a gentle, sincere voice, and a chance given him.
862 SOCIETY.
Presumably, he requested the introduction, and so, probably, he has
something to say. Anyway, lie is likely to have, if you are serene
and quiet.
A habit of repose will save from many a blunder. When a man,
one does not remember, plunges into a conversation, the habit of
repose enables one to keep an unmoved and quiet demeanor until
something is said that will "place" him. To be in a hurry to speak
is to betray oneself, and embarrassment ensues on both sides.
This command of quiet is also a protection against tiresome, talka-
tive, people. It enables one to preserve an air of kindly attention,
while one's thoughts, free, and untrammeled, roam at their own sweet
will, drifting back just in time to utter an appreciative affirmative, or
negative.
A Good Listener,
This repose of manner is a boon to the shy and awkward man,
ev'ho, under its influence, actually acquires some confidence in hiiHself,
which is simply impossible when he is bombarded with a volley of
vivacious conversation.
Learn to be a good listener, a sympathetic and interested listener,
and the majority of people will pronounce you "interesting." If the
partner assigned you at a dinner party seems to have no topic in
common with your thought, strive to find out what does interest him ;
a few skillful questions, and he is launched on a tide of talk, at his
ease, even brilliant, and all that is needed on your part is to appear
interested. Whether you understand the subject, or care for it, is
another question ; you have established your place in that man's esti-
mation, and he will ever thereafter have a word of praise when your
name is mentioned.
There are women who are themselves not fluent, and who enjoy
being talked to, to be spared the trouble of "making conversation."
With these women it is the ready talker who finds favor. But there
is another class of women quite as large who love to talk, and to
them the good listener is welcome ; therefore, let the man who wishes
to talk choose his audience with discretion.
SOCIETY. 363
Madame Recamier liked to be talked to, and was so sympathetic a
listener that the careful student of her tinus is forced to conclude that
was one of the chiefest of her charms, but he would have been a
bold man who would have interruptt;d the flow of Madame de StaeVs
eloquence.
Men are less inclined to certain forms of etiquette than women.
Not that they would be less polite, but, as a rule, they do not attach
so much importance to the little niceties of life, and they are too
prone to lack in certain courtesies which a society man should
practice.
How Men are Spoiled.
This process of spoiling begins with the mothers, and ends with the
young women. Women pride themselves upon being independent,
and the result is that the men naturally fall back and let them wait
upon themselves. Women take the lead, women plan entertainments
and excursions, women tolerate neglect, and all of this spoils the men.
Be a woman first and Inst, and exact all these little courter ' ^ for the
sake of your sex.
Says a v/ell-known lady: "I remember a thing that Impressed me
very much, and made me ashamed of my own sons whom I have
jilways waited upon, I am sorry to say. We had as guests a gentle-
man, wife and son, the latter about thirteen. In the morning there
was a parade; the gentleman and his wife went, while I stayed at
home with, another relative. The boys came in to luncheon, and then
as I was going up-town, Harry, our visitor, put up his wheel, brushed
his clothes, and announced that he was ready to escort me. I assured
him that we did not need him, to run along with the other boys, but
he would not hear of it. He opened the gates, carried my umbrella,
and stayed with me until he saw me safe at home. I complimented
him to his mother, but she assured me that he would never have
thought of aoing anything else, for when the father could not accom-
pany her, Harry had been taught to do so. I had always assured my
boys that I could take care of myself, but I wish now I had made
them take care of me."
chapter is devoted to the gathering up of the
igments that remain from all the other depart-
ments that cannot be rigidly classified, and yet are
useful to remember.
There are many minute points of etiquette which, although not
extremely important, often serve as a source of embarrassment to
uninitiated persons, and upon which information t.iiat can be relied
upon is desired.
Who Bows First?
Whether the lady or gentleman should bow first is a point where
many differ. That the lady should bow first, most authorities agree
in declaring. This acts as a safeguard to a lady, permitting her to
drop an undesirable acquaintance, as a failure to bow would be con-
sidered the "cut direct." But some ladies are forgetful of faces, and
some are near-sighted, thus preventing ready recognition of others ;
so that, while this custom might apply to introductions given at a ball,
still, a bow hurts no one, and an undesirable acquaintance is easily
dropped-, without this rudeness. Hence it would seem that, whichever
one recognizes first, the other ought to have the privilege of bowing
without breaking this social law, which is better observed in the spirit
than in the letter.
"Lady" or "Gentleman?"
These terms have come to be used so continuously, and sometimes
so meaninglessly that they bid fair to crowd out the sweet, strong
words, " man " and " woman," and a revulsion of taste has swept in
that goes nigh in some "sets" to utterly swamp the "lady" and
" gentleman." Either extreme is a mistake.
364
GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 365
There is a right and wrong use of these terms ; for example, one
says to one's servants, or to one's rnildrcn, " I expect some ladies to
visit me to-morrow," while later, referring to them in conversation
with a friend, one may say, "they are women of exquisite culture."
A matron may speak of young ladies as "girls," but if she be not
intimate, "young ladies," is more usual, or she may address them
collectively as *' young women."
Misuse of the Term " Lady."
The term " lady " has been more abused than that of " gentleman.''
The words " forclady," "sales-lady," "wash-lady," have rendered it
ludicrous when one thinks of contrasting it with the terms, happily
never used, of "tore-gentleman," "sales-gentleman," etc.
Formal consideration asks " if the ladies are at home," and refineci
Aistom requires it. But to express the graces and endowments of c
woman, it is her womanliness that is emphasized. " She is a gracious,
sweet-tempered, kindly woman." The same distinction applies to the
use of the term " gentleman," or "man."
Says one writer, giving some examples of the use of these words :
"A polite host would say, 'The men are looking for some ladies wlio
would enjoy a game of tennis,' or, ' I can promise the young ladies a
pleasant time, for there will be a great many dancing men present.'
One gentk^man says to another, in expressing his admiration, ' INIiss
Blank is my ideal of a lovely and lovable woman' (i;c does not say
'lady'), but in the same breath he may add, 'Let us join the ladies
(not ' women ') on the balcony.' "
One should always say "she is such a sweet old lady," rather than
"she is such a sweet old woman."
Much might be said in this regard, but after all, exact discrimina-
tion of the proper term at the proper time must be left somewhat to
the personal judgment of each man and woman.
The leading business and professional men owe their success, in
great measure, to their graciousness in business manners. It is well,
from many points of view, to form the habit of treating all, rich and
366 GENERAL ETIQUETTE.
poor, men nnd women, with uniform courtesy. The pleasant business
man draws the largest custom. - The polite professional man secures
the best clientage
Pay bills and drafts promptly, or else explain satisfactorily to your
creditor when ycu will be able to meet the obligation. If your word
has always been as good as your bond, in nine cases out often he will
gran*" the extension of time desired.
Keep appointments to the moment. If unable to do so, send a
messenger to explain. Finish your business promptly and then leave.
Time is money. Never misrepresent goods, nor allow others in your
employ so to do.
Enclose a stamped envelope for reply when asking for information
that is to benefit yourself solely. Answer letters of inquiry promptly
Do not display curiosity in regard to business matters that do not
concern you, nor try to examine the books or private papers of
another. Be polite to all employes. They will give much better
service.
Business Forms are always useful, hence we furnish some that are
in constant use:
A Promissory Note.
I300. Chicago, 111,, November 5. 189 — .
Ninety days after date I promise to pay to Charles Chapman, or order, at the
Second National Bank, Three Hundred Dollars, value received.
Martin Voorhees.
If it is intended to draw interest that should be added, thus, " with
interest at six per cent."
A Joint Note.
|2oo. Salida, Col., December 2, 1S9 — .
Three months after date we jointly promise to pay Howard Crosby, or order,
Two Hundred Dollars, value receiv^ed. ^„ „^ tt.
Grace Harding.
George Harding.
A Receipt on Account.
JR500. San Mateo, Cal., November i, 1S9 — .
Received of George Woodr-, Five Hundred Dollars, on account.
Frank James.
GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 367
A Receipt in Full.
;^2oo. L0UISA.NA, Mo., October 31, 189— .
Received of John Jenkins, Two Hundred Dollars, in full for all demands up to
date.
James Higgins.
Form for a Bill.
New York, December 3, 189 — .
Mr. John Henson.
To James Carroll, Dr.
To 10 pounds coffee, @ 30c $3-oo
To 20 pounds sugar, (5> 5C l.oo
To 2 pounds lard, @r iSc 36
To I pound tea, (5) 60c 60
I4.96
What and What Not to Say
Don't say " I feci good," for " I feel well."
Don't say " these kind," but '* this kind."
Don't say " not so good as," for " not as good as."
Don't say " between three," but " among three."
Don't describe an unusual occurence as " funny," unless something
comic is meant. Strange, peculiar, unique, odd, are better expressions.
Don't say a garment " sets good," but it " fits well."
Don't say "had rather," "had better," for "would rather," "would
better."
Don't speak of articles of diet as " healthy," but as " healthful " or
'' wholesome."
Don't say "fix my gown," " fix this room," but "arrange my gown,"
"the room." The best authorities rarely use fix, except to indicate
stability or permanence. You don't fix the house, you repair it.
Say money is " plentiful," not " plenty."
Say " between you and me."
Say " If he .should live," " If he should come," instead of " If he
comes," "If he live."
Don't say " I have saw" for " I have seen."
Don't say " dress ; " if a lady, say " gown." The word dress
applies to the entire toilet. Gown, to the one article.
.•)G8 GENERAL l'TI(;)n:'rTE.
Various Hints on Etiquette.
I'jitcr a room as if \'ou felt yourself entitled to a welcome, hut
nished to take no inidue advanta;4e of it.
Do not press a faxor where you see it will he imwelcome.
Treat all the guests you meet at }-{nir friend's tahle, for the time
hcing, as )-()ur equals.
A very triflinL^ and \'et important thini^ that e\ery woman should
aPiow is that it is e-Kceedin'-lv inele'j"ant in risin*'" from a chair to raise
herself h\' pressure on the arms, l^nless she is old or infirm she
should rise with.out assistance.
Do not rush into a fricmlship with ever\'bodv vou meet, h'riend-
shi[)s so (pnckly made are cjuickly broken.
In another man's house do not take upon yourself to play the iiosc
— not even ;it the host's re(^uest.
In m,d<in;^ i^ifts let them l)e in j)roportion to }'oiu" means. A rich
man does not thank a poor man for makiuL]^ him a present which he
knows the leaver camiot afford.
Do not claim the accpiaintance of a man t)f rank on the ground
that you once met him at a house to which you had been invited.
Let it be said of }'ou as it was said of Macaulay, that he remem-
bered ewrything, "except an injury."
In making calls, do }-(nu" best to lighten the infliction to your
hostess. Do not stay long; .md do not enter upon a subject of con-
versation which may terrify her with the apprehension that you intend
to remain untd \'ou have exhausted it.
Do not gi\e another, e\en if it be a better, version of a stf)ry
already told b}' one of your companions.
The touchstone of good ■ anners is the w.iy in which a man behaves
to his superiors or inferiors.
It is not proper for a gentleman to call u[)on a lath' unless he has
first received permission to do so.
It is not proper for a gentleman to wear his overshoes in the draw
ing-room.
HOME DELIGHTS.
24
309
370 GENEFL\L P:TIQUETTE.
Children or young people should never monopolize the most desir-
able positions and most comfortable chairs.
No gentleman Avill smoke while walking, riding or driving with a
lady, or while speaking to her in the street. Sometimes, at informal
summer resorts, there is a little latitude allowed here.
If a dinner party is gi\ en in honor of a lady, it is the host's place to
go in to dinner first, taking in the lady in whose honor the dinner is
given. Furthermore, it is proper, under some circumstances, for the
hostess to go in to dinner last with the husband of the lady whom the
host is escorting.
It is proper to help all the ladies, including those of the household,
before any gentleman is helped, no matter how distinguished a person
he may be.
First Attentions for Ladies.
When the visitors are gentlemen, and only a mother and daughter
are at the table, the maid ought first to serve the mother, then the
daughter and last the gentlemen. If the mother serves tea at luncheon
she helps the daughter first, and after her the men guests. The rule
is always that a lady takes precedence.
On leaving the table at a public place, such as a restaurant or hotel
dining-room, the lady precedes the gentleman.
Apples are pared, and eaten in small quarters, at dessert. Grapes
are plucked from their stems, and the pulp squeezed out in the mouth,
while the fingers hold the skins, which are laid at one side of the
plate. Bananas are peeled, cut in thin slices, and eaten with a fork.
Peaches are eaten after paring, with a silver knife and fork. Oranges
are skinned by cutting in quarters, or left whole, and the sections are
then pulled apart, and eaten, rejecting the seeds into the hand.
Celery is usually dipped into the salt-cellar, and eaten from the
stalk, or it can be cut on the plate, in small bits, and eaten with a
fork. When dining at a hotel you can partake of the side dishes on
the same plate that meat and potato have been served, or ask the
waiter to change your plate, as you prefer.
When fried eggs are used for a breakfast dish, they arc put upon
GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 871
your plate, from the side dish ; but in many homes, eggs are baked in
small dishes, each person being served with a dish, which should be
well buttered before putting in the e^g to be cooked.
It does not matter upon which side of her escort a lady sits at
table. The gentleman will draw out a chair for the lady, if a waiter
is not in attendance to do it, and take the next seat himself
When passing your plate to be helped a second time, lay the knife
and fork at the left-hand side.
Do not, if talking to a friend, drop all conversation so soon as a
child requires attention, or has some childish remark to make.
WHien in parlor, or drawing-room, if a woman, standing, hands a
ci.p, a book, a flower, or any article to a man who is seated, he should
rise to receive it. This rule is without exception.
Minor Usages of the Best Society.
When a man offers a lady any civility, a stranger or an acquaint-
*«,..je, opens a door, hands her a parcel she has dropped, or offers her
a scat, he should lift his hat at the same moment.
If a young lady accepts the escort of a gentleman to an entertain-
ment, she should never accompany him, at its close, to a restaurant
for refreshments unless she is chaperoned by a lady much older than
herself
*' Good-evening" is a proper salutation upon entering a room for a
call. "Good-night" upon retiring at its close.
A man on horseback, who sees a lady wishes to stop him, will dis-
mount and walk by her side, leading his horse, for there are few
occasions on which it is permissible to stand talking on the street.
A lady may permit a man walking with her to carry any small
parcel that sho has, but never more than one.
A lady wishing to avoid bowing to an undesirable acquaintance,
must look aside, or drop the eyes, for if the eyes meet a bow is abso-
lutely necessary.
If a lady asks a man to accompany her to a place of amusement,
she must provide the conveyance.
372 GENERAL ETIQUETTE.
If a lady invites a man to drive with her, he should walk to her
house, unless the distance is too great, when siie should offer to call
for him. If this is the case, he should watch, and, if possible, meet
her on the way.
Do not refuse to accept an apology; even if fr'::ndship is not
restored, an open quarrel will be averted.
Do not be familiar with a new acquaintance. One can be courteous
without familiarity.
Breaches of Etiquette.
It is a breach of etiquette to remove the gloves when making a
formal call.
It is a breactl of etiquette to stare around the room.
It is a breach of etiquette for a caller who is waiting the entrance
of the hostess to open the piano or touch it if it is open.
It is a breach of etiquette to go to the room of an invalid unless
invited.
It is a breach of etiquette to look at your watch when calling.*
It is a breach of etiquette to walk around the room when waiting
for the hostess.
It is a breach of etiquette for the caller to open or shut a door, raise
or lower a window curtain, or in any other way alter the arrangement
of a room.
It is a breach of etiquette to turn your chair so as to bring your
back to some one near you.
It is a breach of etiquette when making a call to play with any orna-
ment in the room, or to seem to be aware of anything but the company
present.
It is a breach of etiquette to remain when you find the host or
hostess dressed to go out.
It is a breach of etiquette during a call to draw near the fire to warm
your hands or feet, unless you are invited by the mistress of the house
to do so.
It is a breach of etiquette to make remarks upon a caller who has
just left the room, whether by the hostess or visitors.
GENERAL ETIQUETTE. 373
It is a breach of etiquette and a positive unkindness to call upon a
friend who is in reduced circumstances with any parade of wealth in
equipage or dress.
It is a breach of etiquette for the hostess to leave the room when
visitors are present.
It is a breajh of etiquette to assume any ungraceful or uncouth
position, such as standing with the arms akimbo, sitting astride a
chair, smoking in the presence of ladies, wearing your hat, leaning
back in the chair, standing with legs crossed or feet on the chairs,
leaning forward in the chair with elbows on the knees. All these acts
stamp you as ill-bred and unpolished.
addition to the ordinary rules of eti-
quette, offieial society in Washin^^ton
Jit}' is governed by u code of fixed
laws. The social observances of the White
House are prescribed with great exactness, and constitute the Court
Etiquette of the Republic. At the very commencement of the Gov-
ernment under the Constitution the social question became one of
^reat magnitude, and in order to adjust it upon a proper basis, Presi-
dent Washington caused a definite Codj to be drawn up; but the rules
Vere too arbitrary and exacting to give satisfaction, and society was
not disposed to acknowledge so genuine an equality as the code
Acquired among its members. Frequent and bitter quarrels arose in
:onsequence of the clashing of social claims, and at last a code was
agreed upon, which may be stated as fellows :
The Recognized Head.
The President and his family are recognized as the head and front
of the social structure. The President, as such, must not be invited
to dinner by any one, and accepts no such invitations, and pays no
calls or visits of ceremony. He may visit in his private capacity at
pleasure.
An invitation to dine at the White House takes precedence of all
others, and a previous engagement must not be pleaded as an excuse
for declining it. Such an invitation must be promptly accepted in
writing. .
During the winter season, a public reception or levee is held at
374
WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE. 375
stated times, at which guests arc expected to appear in full dress.
They arc presented by the usher to the President, and have the honor
of shaking hands with him. They then pass on, and are presented by
another usher to the wife of the President, to wliom they bow, and
pass on. These receptions last from eight until ten o'clock p. m.
On the first of January and the P'ourth of July the President holds
public receptions, commencing at noon, at which the P^jreign Ministers
present in Washington appear in full court dress, and the officers of
the army and navy in full uniform. On such occasions, the President
receives first the Heads of Departments, Governors of States, Justices
of the Supreme Court and Members of the two 1 louses of Congress,
in the order named ; then the Members of the Diplomatic Corps, who
are followed by the officers of the army and navy. The doors are
then thrown open to the general public, who for the space of two
hours pay their respects to the Chief Magistrate of the Nation.
The Vice-President of the United States is expected to pay a formal
visit to the President on the meeting of Congress, but he is entitled to
the first visit from all other persons, which he may return by card or
in person.
Formal Calls.
The Judges of the Supreme Court of the United States call upon
the President and Vice-President on the annual meeting of the court
in December, and on New Year's Day and the P^ourth of Juiy. They
are entitled to the first call from all other persons.
Membtis of the Cabinet call upon the President on the first of
January and the Fourth of July. They are required to pay the first
calls, either in person or by card, to the Vice-President, the Judges
of the Supreme Court, Senators and the Speaker of the House of
Representatives on the meeting of Congress. They are entitled to
the first call from all other persons.
Senators call in person upon the President and Vice-President on
the meeting of Congress, New Year's Day and the F'ourth of July,
if Congress is in session at the last named time. They also call first
upon the Judges of the Supreme Court, and upon the Speaker of the
a?6 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE.
Mouse of Representatives on the meeting of Congress. They are
entitled to the first call from all other persons.
The Speaker of the House of Representatives calls upon the Presi-
dent on the meeting of Congress, on New Year's Day, and on the
Fourth of July, if Congress is in session. The first call is due frotn
him to the Vice-President and the Judges of the Supreme Court, but
to him from all other jjersons.
Members of the House of Representatives call in person upon the
President on the meeting of Congress, and on New Year's Day, and
by card or in person on the Fourth of July, if Congress is in session.
They call first, by card or in person, upon the Vice-President, the
Judges of the Supreme Court, Speaker of the House, Senators, Cabi-
net Officers and Foreign Ministers, soon after the opening of the session.
Ministers from Foreign Countries.
Foreign Ministers call upon the President on the first of January
and the Fourth of July. They call first, in person or by card, upon
the Vice-President, Cabinet Officers, Judges of the Supreme Court
and the Speaker of the House on the first opportunity after presenting
their credentials to the President. They also make an annual call of
ceremony, by card or in person, on the above mentioned officials soon
after the meeting of Congress. They are entitled to the first calls
from all other persons.
The Judges of the Court of Claims call in person upon the Presiv
dent on New Year's Day and the Fourth of July. They pay first calls
to Cabinet Officers and Members of the Diplomatic Corps, and call
annually, by card or in person, upon the Vice-President, Judges of the
Supreme Court, Senators, Speaker and Members of the House soon
after the meeting of Congress.
The intercourse of the other officers of the Government is regulated
by superiority of rank in the public service.
The intercourse of the families of officials is regulated by the rules
which govern the officials themselves.
Besides the public levees of the President, the ladies of the White
WASHiiNGTON EllQUEiTE. 377
House hold receptions, at stated periods, to which hnitalions arc
rcj^ularly issued. The President sometimes appear.^ upon these
occasions, but is under no obUgation to do so.
It has lon^ been the custom for the President to give a series of
State Dinners during tiie session of Congress, to wliich tlie various
members of that body, the higher Government officials and the Diplo-
matic Corps arc successively invited. In order to show attention to
all, and offend none, it is necessary to give t[uite a number of these
dinners during the session.
[The proper titles to be used in addressinjj the President, Members
of the Cabinet, Members of Congress, Judges of the Supreme Court
and other Government officials, are found in die Department on
" Letter-Writing."]
iMJutimmiJiiJIi
h
l^vSk^lm D15CIPLINJ
"m
w^-
Tl'O,.
ra., ^r-s.
u
end and aim of all our work should be the
armonious growth of our whole being," says
Froebel. "Know thyself," quoth Kpictetus,
the Stoic, and, knowini;^ thyself, grow strong of mind,
• self-centered and self-possessed. " Know thyself," reiter-
ates the modern disciple of Delsarte, since only by knowledge of self
can be developed the real personality of the individual.
Grace and self-possession are the aim of Delsarte ; it therefore fairly
falls within the province of a work on eticjuette to look somewhat into
the subject. If one would control others he must first contr;l himself,
possess himself. Delsarte looked upon the nature of man as a trinity,
and believjd that the mental, moral and physical should be educated
at the same time. Modern education tends to develop man in special
directions to the neglect of others. Either the overstrained mental
faculties revenge themselves by giving us the nervous, broken-dovvn,
mental type so common ; or else we have the crude physical type
wherein ordinary labor has exercised but a few muscles and joints.
The Three Languages.
Again, says Delsarte, " Man has for the expn.ssion of his triune
nature three languages, the word, the tone, the gesture. Tones
express bodily conditions, pleasure or pain. Words are symbols to
interpret thought. Gestures relate to other beings and express our
emotions. Of these three, the first receives undue cultivation, since we
study all the words that have been said or written, while singers and
actors alone cultivate tone or gesture."
Thus it comes that "the soul struggles to speak through an imper-
fect instrument ; sometimes it ceases to struggle and finally has
nothing to say."
378
DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 379
In labor the man moves, special muscles do special work, but >vhcn
a ni.ui is tmncd, an undulating " wave of feeling passes over liini antl
his whole body becomes eloquent." A bow may be so careless and
jerky as to be almost an insult, or it may be so gracious as to seem a
-caress. Again, the real self, gracious and beautiful, may strive to
express itself through a set of faculties that arc liardened and nar-
rowed by decades of self-constraint on the part of himself and lii.s
ancestor:^
" Physical habits have a way of making themselves felt by a reflex
action on the inner nature," and with this axiom in view we feel that
cultivation of the Delsartean Art of Ivxpression becomes a vital i:)art of
our education to the end that all our emotions and all our tones may
become " the outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual
nature." This principle may be called the keynote <A Delsarteanism,
and P3dmond Russell, that modern exponent thereof, claims that as
these beautiful, expressive gymnastics are for the purpose of correcting
individual deviations from grace, no regular set of rules should be
printed for the use of all, but that each special angularity of person or
harshness of tone must be corrected by special exercises.
Harmonious Development of the Body.
Nevertheless, there arc many set forms of movements by the prac-
tice of which none can fail to derive benefit both for the inner and the
outer man. Other physical gymnastics seek to give strength to cer-
tain sets of muscles to the neglect of others. The rythmical move-
ments of the Dclsarte system bring into action each muscle of the
body without wearying any, to the harmonious developing of all,
since in all, save exceptional cases, it will be found, upon beginning
this treatment, that more than half the muscles of the body are unused,
while the other, and overworked half, move in stiff and angulai
fashion.
All students will discover it is first requisite that an " undoing pro-
cess" shall precede the "upbuilding process." Stiffness of joint, or
tension of muscles, whether recognized or not, must first be done
380 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE.
away with before "the body can be molded to the expression of high
thought. " For this purpose the "decomposing," "relaxing" or "de-
vitalizing" motions arc given.. The old gymnast doubled up the fist
and, with great tension, gave a blow which jarred the whole nervous
system. The "freeing" motions of Delsarte give harmonious, restful,
wave movements to all portions of the anatomy.
Graceful motions are never in the nature of a blow struck straight
from the shoulder, but curves and spirals constitute the lines of
beauty. Nature shows us this in the free untrammelled motions of a
child, or again in man, when his whole nature is so stirred to its
best and sweetest depths that he is carried out of his usual tense, con-
scious self into unconscious rythmic expression of his feeling. What
nature does for us in times of great excitement Delsarte will do for us
at all times by means of his exercises, practiced until the conscious
mechanical motion becomes unconscious, automatic, and the body
grows responsive to all high emotions and impulses.
Relaxing the Muscles.
In relaxing movements, the whole arm and hand, shoulder, elbow,
wrist, fingers, are shaken until the joints are completely relaxed and a
warm, tingling sensation passes through the entire arm. It is then
dropped at the side in perfect passivity. The result is twofold — a
feehng of repose and controlling power, and an absence of that ner-
vous tendency to "fidget," or handle something, glove buttons, or
watch chain, without which a morning call can scarcely be accom-
plished by either hostess or guest. This alone will give us a sense of
perfect rest which we have never before experienced. Similar exercises
are given for other portions of the body — legs and feet — a revolving
of the head to limber the neck ; a revolution of the shoulders and the
body to gain that flexibility which is the secret of grace.
Delsartean exercises break up constrained awkward physical habits,
establish in their stead restful, graceful, natural ones. Of these there
are many classes.
The Delsarte relaxing exercises precede and prepare the way for
DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE. 381
all others. In their restful removal of nerve-tension they appeal espe-
ciaiiy to the ovenvorked, nervous class.
The Delsarte sleep exercises are useful in overcoming insomnia.
The Delsarte laws of expression give us a key to character, study,
and the laws that underlie all art. The Delsarte work develops self-
possession. The Delsarte rythmical exercises enable one not only to
appear better and feel better, but, by a reflex action, to be better.
In this physical work the first object is an entire, absolute letting
go of all unnecessary tension, all tension that has overstrained the
muscles through an excess of effort in our daily life, though many
times this effort is purely unconscious on the part of the individual.
" How many a patient, trusting soul do we see with the muscles of
the forehead strained and elevated until the eyebrows never fall to
their normal height," or the brows are contracted until the hard lines
graven between the eyes ever bespeak either pain or care.
The founders of the Benedictine nuns caught some echo of this
truth when, by a rule of their order, no sister among them is permitted
to wear a frown upon her brow. And the placid-faced sisterhood
evidence in their sweet expressions the close relation between the
exoteric and esoteric of our natures ; the reflex action between the
physical and the spiritual entities of our being.
Art of Breathing.
There are a few general points that may be given here to the im-
provement of many little habits that unconsciously enslave us and to
the "letting go" of the "officious personal endeavor" that we make,
as it were, to hold ourselves together — never believing that nature is
more capable of the task. After the decomposing exercises comes the
practice of one of the first Delsartean axioms : " Control at the center,
freedom at the extremities." Without this control the newly acquired
flexibility will be weak and affected.
To obtain this control the art of breathing must first be acquired.
To do this properly the chest should be inflated and thrown forward
by the action of the diaphragm and held as the most prominent part
882 DELSARTKAN DISCIPLINE.
of the body; a position too often usurped by the inferior abdomen.
The same motion which throws out the chest should draw in the lower
part of the trunk, hanging it from the curve of the spine. In the
proper attitude for good breathing the hips turn slightly inward and
the chin goes back, but not up. There should be no effort to throw
back the shoulders. Take care of the chest, and the shoulders will
take care of themselves.
Position of the Shoulders.
r.Irs. Edmond Russell says she would "like to make a call that
would reach every man and woman in the country. ' Lift up your
shoulders.* When one says this nine-tenths of them stiffen at the
neck, throw themselves backward and project the body below the
Avaist, the whole figure out of line. No, }'ou should get the poise of
a Greek goddess." Lift the chest, with the shoulders down, until it is
on a line with the toes. This throws the extension on the center of
the body where it should be. The heart and lungs now have full play.
Close the lips; draw in the air through the nostrils, using the muscles
below the diaphragm as a bellows, until the pressure against the ribs
has a bursting sensation. Keep this tension firmly and steadily as
long as you can ; then slowly and gradually let the breath out through
the lips. If you wish to sing, or recite, or even to talk, see what
power is at your command.
"Try this breathing, inspiration, retention, expiration — these three
movements — at night before you go to bed, when the body is free;
in the morning before you dress. When } ou walk take in great,
glorious lungsful of air until full, or deep breathing becomes a habit.
Believ^e me, breathing properly is a certain cure for nervousness, shy-
ness and embarrassment."
It gives command and freedom of motion, a sense of power. Keep
the lips closed and breathe only through the nostrils. This is a most
important -fact to remember, and should always be impressed upon
children. The cold air should never be taken directly into the lungs
as is the case when it is inhaled through the parted lips. Children, as
l)i:LSARrEAX DISCIPLINE 3H3
well as grown people, should learn to keep the mouth closed during
sleep ; this would prevent many lung diseases, the disagreeable habit
of snoring, and the vacant, inane expression produced by an open
mouth.
There is no better exercise to acquire a good habit of breathing
than reading aloud. Try how much can be read easily, without
strain, upon a single inflation of the lungs. Never gasp, catch up,
or piece out a breath. " You may add years to your life by the
simple act of breathing." K\ery public speaker knows, or should
know, the feeling of repose and self-possession that comes over him
as he calmly, silentK', faces his audience long enough to draw three
of these deep, full breaths. Nervousness hns vanished ; he and his
audience have had time to become acquainted, and, having command
over himself, he is able to command the minds of those before him.
Standing and Walking.
When one has learned to breathe properly, then it is that standing
and walking may be practiced. Lift up the chest, inflate the lungs
naturally, as in paragraph on breathing, then step up to the front of a
door, letting the toes touch the woodwork. At the same time the
forehead should meet the upper portion of the door, when it may be
assumed that a perfect standing posture has been taken. The poise
will seem at first to be a little forward of a straight line, but to dis-
prove this it will be found that a plumb line dropped from the ear ^\•ill
fall through shoulder, hip and ankle. The head will be poised as if
to carr>^ a burden steadily on the crown and the weight of the body
will rest on the ball of the foot, not the heel.
This position may seem insecure at first, as well as stiff and self-
conscious. With some this sensation A\ill wear off sooner than with
others, according to their adaptability, and the result will be assured
power for long, graceful, strengthening walks.
In walking, a common fault is to let the knees bend continuously ;
this gives a "flabbyness" to the whole personal expression, that
always seems an outward exponent of a " weak-kneed " character.
384 DELSARTEAN DISCIPLINE.
The knees, to obviate this, sliould be stifTcned when walking. In the
other extreme, most women stiffen the ankle-joint unduly, thus giving
a straight up and down cramped walk, which is accompanied by
coming down with all force upon the heel, thereby producing a jar
throughout the entire nervous system, as well as an awkward locomo-
tion. In this way all benefit of the strong, natural spring of the
instep, which tends to lessen this jar and give grace and springiness to
the step is lost, and much weariness of the flesh is the result.
Mrs. Russell says: "We have a system of levers to do our walking
with, and they act precisely as do all levers. One leg is a lever to
pry the body over the other leg, and the latter becomes a pendulum
and swings back by force of gravity. When you walk three miles
and feel as if you could walk ten, }'ou are walking that way. When
you are tired out, you are taking irregular steps and walking on your
heels.
" In '.valking the foot should be used as an clastic arch, the ball
striking the grounti first, not the heel. Trjing to step too far is
productive of awkwardness. Hurrying is another cause. It is bad
walking to lift up your foot and put it down. If the sole of the foot
shows at all, it should be from the rear. What is wanting is elasticity.
Swinging the arms in walking, which is universal, is absolutely
unnecessary^ and purely a waste of strength. Let them hang
pendulum fashion."
Stair-Climbing.
" Tnained stair-climbers should be the healthiest as well as the
most beautiful of women, yet," says Mrs. Russell, "a town of stairs
given, and I will prophesy thin, eye-circled, cross-looking women."
All of this is to be laid to the fact that most women climb stairs in
the hardest and most awkward manner. t
" In going up-stairs there should be no waddling from side to side,
no trudging, no leaning forward, and no apparent weariness. The body
should remain erect, the step should be taken with the ball of the foot,
and the movement to the next step be made with a springing motion.
This produces a graceful, poetic elevation instead of a cumbersome
DELSARTEAN DISCIPLIXE. 385
hauling^ of the body upward, and throws all of the strain upon the
strong muscles of the calf of the leg. This slightly accented spring-
ing from stt'p to step leads the true system of pacing on level ground ;
hence, the stairway may be made the walker's gymnasium."
Art of "Letting Go."
" Relax, relax," says Edmond Russell. " Let go the tense hold
of your arms that is wearing out your vitality. You will get rest by
doing this. Sleepless people will fall asleep. Stop holding yourself
in a knot and relax. Hold up the chest, breathe slowly and deeply
through the nose, and relax the extremities."
"Try letting go," says Mrs. Russell ; "it is a great rest. You can
let yourself go for a few moments in the theater, in a crowd, in
church, in the street car, anywhere. It is the universal habit to hold
on to one's self with a grip that would almost lift one's weight, muscles
tightened, nerves strained to no purpose. The mind is too eager and
fast for the body. The result is exhaustion."
" How shall it be avoided? Take the will out of the body when it
is not in action. In walking, let the lower limbs do the work ; the
arms have nothing to do : let them be carried as attachments, pendu-
lums if you will, but at rest." Let the hands fall easily when sitting
in carriage, street car, or drawing-room.
On Corset Wearing.
The wearing of corsets meets the strong disapproval of all Del-
sarteans, as "control of the breath underlies gesture, walk and voice,"
and a tightened corset-lace necessarily cramps the breathing power.
The tight, high collar is also objectionable for the same reason.
An English writer justly observes that " all the greater harmonies
and higher courtesies of life must extend over the whole body."
Now, in great emotions the chest expands, and especially the lower
part where the ribs are freest and intended to expand most, and this
part it is that tight corsets most compress to attain the artificial waist.
The figure, trying to accommodate itself to the new conditions
25
38G DELSARTKAN DISCIPLIXE. Ji
becomes deteriorated in all directions. The bacV: j^row*. roundeci, tl.t
ribs fall in, and the stomach obtrudes itself unduly ; ill this to th*
injury of health and of harmonious beauty of form.
Mr. Russell also asserts that a forced compression of the waist
damages the power of the figure as an instrument for the expression
of emotions, the result of all this being an unfavorable reaction upon
the mind and character of the unfortunate victims. One of his maxims
is : "A beautiful woman is at her lowest plane in a tight-fittnig dress ;
an ugly woman on her highest in drapery ! "
General Remarks.
Educated men and women of to-day study social, domestic and
political economy, ft)rgetting that vital economy that Delsarte teaches
is more essential to our interests and the interests of our descendant.;.
"Relax, relax, relax!" one is tempted to cr>' in unison with
Edmond Russell. Give us what there is in you. Make yourself
"a being whose body is the exponent of the soul responsive to every
command of the spirit."
Cease limping through life on high-heeled shoes. Cease lifting the
shoulders, fidgeting the hands, painfully raising the eyebrows, and
contorting the face into a meaningless smile. Remember that all
facial contortions leave indelible traces in their wake. The laugh, or
broad smile that half closes, or squints the eyes, engraves those fine
ray-like, much-dreaded lines about the eye, known as crow's feet.
Remember that " laughter ages the face more than tears." Smile
more often with the eyes. Let them light up and laugh for you.
Trust me, in most cases a vast improvement will result, since scarcely
any adult laughs well, and if there is some trait of affectation, frivolity,
cruelty, or even coarseness in the character, uncontrolled laughter will
be the sure exponent thereof.
Rest more. Do not try to accomplish too many things at once.
Do not let your thoughts be weeks or days ahead of you and the
task in hand. This would be imp(rsing double duty upon the already
strained physique. If the body is at one store, do not let the mind
DELS A R IE A N DISCI PI .1 NE.
387
fly off to snop in half a dozen other stores to snatch "bar<^ains" from
the hands of other ovcr-burdeiicd ones.
Straighten out the frowns on your strained brows. Cease carr>'ing
numberless loose packages, and loads of heavy skirts in your hands,
and struggling with the well-dressed mob to secure coveted bargains.
They are dearly bought at the loss of beauty, youth and repose. One
such day ages the face. If you do not believe it, ye dwellers in cities,
go stand before your mirror next time ytni reach home, dusty, rasped,
fragmentary, weary from a day of counter-shoving, neither mistress of
yourself nor those about you, and the face that meets your gaze will
/ell its own stor)'.
Rightly does Herbert Spencer say, "We have had something t<io
much of the gospel of work, it is time to preach the gospel of
relaxation."
And this chapter wil) have reached its aim if it shall be the means
of inducing any to become disciples of Delsarte, restful converts of
this guspel of relaxation, which is one with the Gospel of Beauty.
^RP^SS may bo callctl the
speech of the body," says
Mrs. Haweis,
A woman's dress should be so
much the expression of herself that,
seeing it, we think not of the gown, but of the woman who is its soul.
The true art of dress is reached when it serves only to heighten the
charms of the W'earer, not to draw attention from her to center upon
her garments. One writer on beauty in dress claims that " the object
is threefold : to cover, to warm, to beautify," and in dealing with this
latter point farther says that, " rather than to beautify, it is to empha-
size beauty." To this statement should be added that its mission is
also to minimize or do away with defects.
Most dressing is done to enhance the beauty of the face, but
women should remember that the tint of the complexion, the color of
hair and eyes, are but a small part of the personnel. The physique
must be taken into account. The "type" is a fact fixed and inevitable,
and the woman is wise who sets herself steadfastly to "develop and
emphasize its beauties and overshadow and efface its defects."
It is only by real study that a w^oman grows to understand and
388
ART OF DRESS. 389
analyze her "type" and suit all accessories to her own personality ; to
adjust, as it were, lier "relations." Art, after all, is simply, as
Edmund Russell admirably defines it, " relations, the right thing in
the right place."
Study your own individuality and assert it in your dress. " No
woman need be ugly if she knows her own points," and some points
of attractiveness every woman has. Lord Chesterfield, that cynical
man of the world, assures us that "no woman is ugly when she is
well dressed." That is, dressed with reference to revealing good
points and concealing weak ones. Time spent in this study is gain,
when one remembers in how many ways actual outward ugliness is
an impediment. " fhe greater portion of ill-tempered, ugly women
are ill-tempered .simply because they believe themselves hopelessly
ugly." A woman, finding her fairer friends constantly ])referred
despite her vain att<.'m])ts to i)lease, grows disheartened, then sarcastic,
envious, ill-tempered, half unconsciously.
" Knowledge is power ; beauty and knowledge combined arc well-
nigh all-powerful."
Stout and Thin.
Texture, color and form must all be considered in relation to the
personal appearance or "type." The beautiful in itself is not always
a safe guide, but its beauty in relation to the wearer must be the test.
Fair, delicate, slender women make a great mistake when they over-
weigh themselves with rich, heavy fabrics, no matter how beautiful
these may be in themselves. Instead, they should keep to clinging,
draping materials, sheer lawns and shining silks.
On the contrary, the very stout woman may wear all manner of
rich gownings that fall in gracious massive folds. Clad thus, her size
will have about it a restful element of repose. Let her bew%are of
closely fitted gowns. These tend to enhance the size they are
supposed to conceal. Wattc:'U or Princess robes falling from the
shoulder in unbroken lines render her imposing. Little ruffles should
be avoided, or frills of lace, and whatever drapery there be should
390 ^^"^ OF DRESS.
fall from shoulder or hip ; this gives V ng curving undulations that
follow every movement.
The stout woman should leave black satin severely alone ; reflect-
ing the light, it reveals form and size relentlessly. *' Revealed form is
vulgar, suggested form poetic," says the high art of to-day, and who
would not be poetic and gracious if she could? " If stout women,"
declares Edmund Russell, "would learn to move in grand, slow
rythm, and wear textures so heavy that the lines of their figures were
concealed, they would have a grandeur and dignity that no slender
woman could hope to attain."
Women must recognize their defects before they can hope to correct
them. A tall, angular woman must adopt soft, fleecy materials, so
made that they can float and curve about all ungraceful angles, hid-
ing, or softening them. She of a deficient figure must never wear a
plain, tightly fitting gown, unless it is relieved, and filled out with soft
full vests, or veiled with falling folds of lace.
There is only an occasional perfect form that will bear the merciless
revelation of the plain, tight habit, and even then the suggestion of a
concealing drapery heightens the beauty of the revealed curves. "AH
dress should be governed by shawl instead of glove rule," assert the
latest canons of costume.
Tall or Short.
There are proportionately more women theit arc too short, than too
tall. Always a little sensitive to this defect, some try to increase their
stature by high heels, which renders their gait awkward, besides being
injurious to health. Others endeavor to add to their apparent height
by cultivating a long waist. This they do at the expense of shorten-
ing the lower limbs, thus making themselves seem shorter than they
actually are. Others strive to attain the same end by dressing the
hair high, in this way too often adding to the apparent bulk of the
head and giving a top-heavy appearance to the figure. It is here that
a full-length glass becomes almost a necessity in the dressing-room,
so that the entire effect of the figure may be observed at once, and
ART OF DRESS. 391
defects of this nature detected at a glance. Sometimes a high orna-
ment worn at the top of tlie head apparently increases height, but
beware of any bulky style.
Long lines of drapery from shoulder to foot give the effect of height.
Horizontal lines crossing the figure shorten the form.
Short, stout women, by wearing short bascjues that make a line
about the hips, or ruffles and puffs at the shoulders, increase their
bulk and shorten their stature.
Women too tall and slender use horizontal lines and puffed antl
ruffled effects to great advantage, thus increasing the apparent size of
an arm by puffs and surrounding bands, or hii)s by the descriptive
line of a basque.
The way of wearing the hair, also, may greatly change the whole
appearance. Worn at the nape of the neck it is tlomestic ; lower,
romantic ; on a level with the head, classic ; on top of the head,
stylish.
Decorations.
A tenet of Delsartean art asserts that, "A decoration is to make
something else beautiful and must not assert, but sacrifice itself
Ornament that has no use whatever is never, in any high sense,
beautiful."
A trimming with no reason for being is generally ungraceful.
Buttons which fasten nothing should never be scattered over a gar-
ment. Bows, which are simply strings tied together, should only be
placed where there is some possible use for strings tied together. In
short, according to Mrs. Haweis, " Anything that looks useful, and is
useless, is in bad taste." F^or instance, the dress imitating a peasant
or a fishwife is never so graceful or piquant as the real costume,
since the handkerchief covering the peasant's bare neck is much more
picturesque than a bodice trimmed in form of a kerchief
Slashes are at all times a most beautiful decoration. At shoulder,
elbow, breast, edge of a flattened cap, the knees, cut just where a
devotee of comfort might cut them to give more freedom of move-
ment. The slash forms an unrivalled opportunity for displays of
3()2 ART OF DRESS.
color. Deep blue, parting to display a glimpse of amber, white
through black, the combinations are endless, and the whole gives the
idea of a glimpse of an undergarment through an outer one. The
contrast of a lining of vest, sleeve or panel is also a harmonious
oinamcnt.
Decollete Costume.
It is not the province of this work to decide the vexed question of
the low-cut bodice for full dress. In this respect every woman will
be a law unto herself, and every woman knows in her own mind the
border line below which the cors c should not fall. All, however,
do not know how greatly the hard, horizontal line of the low-cut
bodice diminishes the appearance of height. Herein lies the great
advantage of the heart or square-shaped opening j-howing the throat,
since a dress high behind, or on the shoulders, gives all the height.
Last, but not least, all the lovely curves of the th"oat are shown in
this way, and any suspicion of angularity of the collar bone is hidden.
A dress should never end directly upon the skin. The line of
contact should always be softened by an edge of lace, tulle, or ruch-
ing. First, for the idea of cleanliness ; second, because "nature abhors
sharp edges." In flowers there are contrasts of color, but they are
always softened, each shade i;tealing a little from the other as they
blend.
A regularly decollete gown is properly worn only during the same
hours that a gentleman's dress suit is donned, that is, "from dusk to
dawn."
Sharp edges should be avoided as much as possible in the entire
costume. A glove that ends exactly at the wrist bone, or a boot at
the ankle joint, with a straight line, is always ugly ; so are dresses
when they are cut in a circle close to the juncture of the neck with
the shoulder, giving the neck a decapitated appearance. The line of
' contrast should always be softened with an edge of lace, or a necklace,
' and only round, pretty throats should dare such a display.
The skirt ought to appear, even if it is not, as a portion and a con-
tinuance of the bodice. That is, " if the bodicq be cut to fit the
ART OF DRKSS. ,>.3
fi<^urc tightly, the skirt ought properly to he plainly gored. If the
bodice be full at the waist line, the skirt also should contain fullness,
for this form signifies a loose, full garment bound at the wai';t with a
girdle."
Full waists and plain skirts, or 7'ice versa, betray at once that skirt
and bodice do not belong to each other. This course, however, is
admissible at times, for instance, in case of the lovely, loose tea-jackets
worn now, or in donning any cool lawn blouse, or dressing sacquc for
comfort.
The trained skirt is a most graceful garb, adding to height and
diminishing stoutness, but it is never suitable for the .street. For
house, evening or carriage toilets it is eminently proper and pretty.
All the movements of the form are softened and dignifietl by its
sweeping undulations until one comes to feel that short skirts are
really a mistake for a house gown, since so much grace and beauty of
motion are sacrificed thereby.
Graceful Sleeves.
Few women have beautiful arms above the elbow. Fatness is not
correctness of form, so that a short sleeve, no sleeve, or the painful
strap which is all so many evening dresses can boast, is by no means
always a thing of beauty,
A sleeve that falls in lace and frills just below the elbow hides
many defects, besides softening, and rendering delicate, the lower arm
and the hand.
A sleeve long enough to turn upward as a cuff, is much more effec-
tive than a simulated cuff, just as the thing itself is always better than
an imitation. A sleeve that stops short at the wrist joint should be
relieved by lace to be artistic.
Full sleeves improve every form. The very stout should never
make the mistake of wearing a very tight sleeve, since to do so
simply increases the apparent size of the arm. A full sleeve bound
to the arm between joints gives an impression of comfort and beauty
like the slashed sleeve before mentioned.
394 ART OF DRESS.
Painters have immortalized beautiful sleeves, as well as beautiful
costumes. Indeed, to decide on really beautiful gowns one must
study the great masters — Gainsborough, Reynolds, Watteau — until
the study of costume becomes what it should be — a study of art.
Purchasing.
There should never be tr^'ing contrasts in the quality of the various
articles that go to make up the sum-total of dress. To expend almost
the entire allowance on a gorgeous bonnet that puts every other detail
of the costume to blush, or to wear a shabby cloak with an elegant
gown are examples of injudicious expenditure.
Instead, let it be remembered how many articles must be purchased
and then so expend the sum to be drawn upon that it will not be
exhausted on two or three expensive articles to the neglect of the
necessary accessories.
An important point to be considered is the surroundings in which
the garments are to be worn. Whether one is to drive over country
roads or walk city streets ; whether they must last one season or more.
In this latter case care should be taken to choose quiet colors and
inconspicuous patterns.
If the gown must serve many purposes let it be of some plain wool
goods, tastefully made, hat and gloves harmonizing in tint, the whole
bearing the imprint of the true lady and suitable for almost any occa-
sion. At the same time the entire outfit will have cost no more than
the dearly-purchased silk gown that left no margin for hat, gloves, or
shoes, and must be worn on every occasion, suitable or unsuitable, ^.o
the discomfort of the wearer and the ruin of the gown.
If riding about in the country'', choose wool fabrics that will not
crease easily, or show dust, and for summer, cotton materials that
will come brifrht and fresh from the hands of the laundress.
'fc>'
The Young Girl.
Sweet simplicity alone should be the guide for the young girl's cos-
tume. The dewy bloom of the cheek, the clear young eyes, the soft
ART OF DRESS. 395
rosebud lips, the sweet curves of the lithe form that come but once in
a lifetime, are what we want most to see.
No heavy velvets or gorgeous trimmings should be worn by any
girl under twenty-one. To call attention to her ornaments is to
detract from her priceless ornament of sweet and fleeting youth.
Simple muslins and wools, soft, clinging silks and gauzes should
be worn. Flowers are preferable to jewels. A necklace of pearls
may be worn, should the complexion warrant, but other than this
is a waste of money, and a waste of beauty.
Soft colors, where the skin permits, simplicity in cut, little if any
trimming, and we have the costume most fitting for a girl to wear,
and when we say "fitting" we have found the key to perfect dressmg.
Diamonds and Precious Stones.
Women seem to look upon diamonds as a sort of social parole,
while, in truth, there are but few women who can wear them with-
out detracting from their own brilliancy; without sacrificing them-
selves to their jewels.
Dark, brilliant eyes and dazzling teeth may wear them safely, or,
very clear, cool skins with bright, blue eyes may dare them at their
own risk. Yet, to "tip the ear with diamond fire" is sure to call
attention from the best points of the face, and in too many cases
simply effaces and outshines the face itself
Edmond Russell severely criticises diamond solitaires for earrings
and esteems the stone a difficult one to wear except when small and
used in quantities as settings for other jewels.
The secret of good taste in jewels is for a woman to seek out those
gems whose colors harmonize with or heighten her own tints, as she
does the shades for her gown, and confine herself to them. It is quite
the thing now to have a special stone, as it is to have a special per-
fume. For instance, the turquoise is very becoming to some (it is
Mrs. Langtry's stone), garnets or rubies to oth_rs. The pearl, where
it can be worn, softens the face more than any other jewel. The
moonstone is very nearly as effective, as well as the beautiful opal.
396 ART OF DRESS.
; R'ln^s, some authorities say, should be worn in barbaric profusion^
or not at all. A slender, beautifully modeled hand can afford to be,
guiltless of rings. One less perfect in shape, but white, can be
enhanced in charm by a blaze of jewels.
Plump Women.
In the days of the painter Rubens stout women weic the most
fashionable creatures that walked the face of the earth, Rubens would
paint none other than those of very firm build, and so artistically did
he drape them, so cleverly did he pose them, and so well did he color
them, that every woman aspired to sit for his pictures. To be painted
by Rubens was a guarantee of beauty, grace and feminine loveliness,
of every description.
The Rubens woman is a stout woman of good figure. Stout women
nearly always have fine forms. Their bust line is good. It is low
and the neck curve full, even if not very long. The Rubens artist
makes the most of these good points and conceals others.
In modern times, however, the stout woman finds that the fashions,
are rarely meant for her. In view of this, a number of wealthy New
York women have banded themselves together in a Rubens Club,
with one of its chief aims the designing of dresses for the members,
For this purpose a professional designer is chosen, an artist of no
mean merit.
The president of the Rubens Club, who is a woman o*" beauty and
wealth and great loveliness of manner, had the honor of having the
first gown designed for herself. This was an evening robe of great
beauty, a regular Rubens gown.
The materials were dead white cashmere and dull black satin, with
a very little lace and jet. The under gown, or the gown itself,
more strictly speaking, fell from the shoulders in a long, loose
'robe. In the front there was a center trimming of black satin and
-lace and a heavy ruffle of lace outlined the bust and suggested the
waist. A few jets were added. The back fitted closely, and around
the foot extended a deep band of the black.
ART OF DRESS. 397
Over the Rubens gown fell a robe of the satin. It was caught at
each shoulder and fell into a train three feet long when the wearer
Wc Iked. In repose it lay around her feet, giving her height and a
be_jming setting.
The good points of this gown are, first, the way it showed off the
very plump neck of the wearer. The fine throat line was visible, but
at the shoulders, where too much massiveness takes the place of fine
firm flesh, the robe was draped. The arms were likewise covered at
the top, their thickest part, and, as the robe fell over them when in
repose, much of their apparent size disappeared.
The robe had one very odd feature. The train was a doublet one.
The back of the robe was little more than walking length, but the ends.
were very long indeed. This made a square court train like a mon-
arch's robe, and could be easily brought front by the hand, for trim-
ming or drapery when the wearer was not walking.
Black Satin and Sparkling Jets.
In choosing the color of the gown to be snow-white instead of
cream color, the artist knew what he was specifying. White is a dimin-
ishing color, while cream color enlarges. The same with black satin.
Satin, being full of lights and shades, is uncertain in size, and it is
preferable to silk or velvet, which makes the person thicker. The jets
are dressy, wicked little ornaments that wink at you unexpectedly and
disappear.
Much pains are taken in choosing colors, and then comes the artist's
real work. The hardest thing is to fit out his patrons with street
gowns that will be conventional, and yet Rubenesque. To do this he
takes advantage of the cape idea. A stout woman in a neat fitting
gown, not too close under the bust, looks picturesque with a golf cape
swinging from one shoulder. It gives her height. The dolmans that
open in front and fall low at each side are admirable also, according
to his ideas. ,
J- A.
. TT THING should be beautiful in itself, and it
_^~J^ should be beautiful for you." " Good dress-
ing includes a suggestion of poetry;" but to
gain this poetic grace careful study must be made of
hair, eyes and skin, for a dress that is beautiful in
itself, or ])eautiful on one wearer, may be a failure on another.
Study to " compose " your costume well ; then, donning it, cease
to think of it or yourself. Lead up gently to all contrasting colors
that are introduced into a costume for linings of loose draperies,
sleeves, or as vests. Glaring contrasts, or "spotty" effects should be
guarded against. All brilliant colors in a costume should be reached
gradually Hke a climax in music, or a high light in a fine painting.
Otherwise there is a jar, and the harmony of relation is broken.
Complexion Determines Dress Colors.
Sometimes a color used sparingly in a knot of ribbon, or glimpsed
as a lining, is becoming, while the same color, used in quantity, or as
a ground color of the costume, might prov-e inharmonious with the
complexion.
It is well for every woman to choose a certain proved range of
colors that she ran bear, and to venture cautiously or seldom on new
experiments. These colors will be found like a musical scale, to har-
monize well in almost any combination. Thus beauty, convenience
and economy are all consulted by loyalty to these proved shades.
I Endless arrangements might be suggested on the economical side
of the question. The light evening silk of the season before may be
used for lining or form the long loose front of the tea-gown of the
present. The rich draperies of last year's carriage gown may fitly
furnish forth the natty velvet vest and dainty bonnet to wear with this
year's street suit, and nothing be lost.
8S8
COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 399
One more caution as to colors. The very delicate blonde who has
reveled in palest, daintiest shades must beware of presuming too long
on that evanescent bloom, lest she find herself basing the color of her
dVess on a flower that faded years ago. Or else, ma)be, on one that
has unfolded into a richer bloom, and by not adapting her color scale
to the changes of time, she loses all the beauty of the present.
Another mistake women make is to forget that lovely childish
curves of early youth change with the advancing yeani and the babyish
st)le of dressing, so becoming then, may be worn too long. The
rounded throat of the plump woman becomes muscular all too soon,
and the delicate throat of the slender woman is too prone to lose its
soft outlines.
The changes of color that occur almost always in cool, pale blonde.s
are often but changes in beauty; still, these changes in complexion
must be met with changes in dress.
Combinations of Color.
"A secret of artistic dressing is to match the hair as nearly as pos-
sible for day and the eyes for evening."
"The producing of an all-over effect by drapery, veiling, and head-
gear of the same shade is most thoroughly artistic."
These two high art axioms may be given as a safe foundation foi
the choice of colors, in following which no one can greatly err.
The woman of mezzo-tints, of soft half-tones of complexion, hail
and eyes, loses all color and force when she clothes herself with deep,
intense hues. Low, warm, unaggressive shades are needed as a back-
ground to bring out all her own best points.
"Some people," says Miss Oakey, "have many possibilities of form
and color which may be brought out under special treatment, but
most people have only the one possibility which can l)e improved
upon." Certain women may be dressed in one set of colors that
emphasize the whiteness of their skin ; and, in still another, that
bring out their own color, while others must be content with one
certain range of tints.
400 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS.
Red Hair, with Brown Eyes.
This type of woman may wear amber, deep lined with fawn or pale
yellowish pink ; dark, rich red, like a red hollyhock ; creamy-white
(creamy-white satin with pearls and old point lace) ; olives and dark
greens, claret, maroon, plum and gold color.
Jewels — topaz, amber, pearls and gold ornaments.
All manner of lovely combinations may be made out of these '
colors ; especially dark amber, approaching brown, contrasted with
pale fawn or gold color. Topazes for jewels. Sable furs and the
deeper shade of mink are exceedingly becoming, and the same colorj
of the fur can be had in most dress materials. There is also a certam
shade of maroon which makes red hair a positi\'e golden, and throws
into bold relief the clear white tint of the complexion even when there
are freckles. These same freckles are also improved by the wearing
of this maroon color.
Red Hair, -with Gray or Green Eyes.
This type may wear all the above colors, adding to them all the
browns and purples. Amethysts may be worn with the grays. Grays
and any of the above greens contrast beautifully.
The Ineffective Type.
This style of woman has dull, light brown hair, no brilliancy of
complexion, usually gray or blue eyes. The type often numbers
some of our most spiritual and intellectual women, as well as, very
often, our constitutionally delicate women. It is a type very difficult
to dress effectively. The black of velvet may be worn, and soft wools
relieved by velvet or lace ; creamy white, by casting reflected lights,
clears the complexion. Be careful of this however. Warm, pale
pink may be worn with it. Invisible blues and greens (in other words,
very dark shades). The palest possible pink may be combined with
these as linings, vests or ribbons. Pale pink, lined with a pink almost
white ; pale, but not chalky blues. Blue should not be worn in silk,
allies* of a very dull or lusterless quality.
COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 401
Stylish and Appropriate Jewels.
If the eyes are blue, sapphires may be permitted (a gray sapphire is
best) ; pearls, the greenish turquoise, moonstones, intaglios, eameos,
antique coins.
This ineffective type frec^uently, because of better health, gains a
warmer glow to the skin and a richer tone to the hair. In this case
there may be added to the above colors yellow-browns, fawn-browns,
and a little lighter green, contrasted with the darker greens.
Brown-black hair, steel-gray eyes, fair skin with color in cheeks,
may wvar all greens (save the very light), cream-white, fawns, grays,
browns, reds, \iolet, a rich pink, and all blues. If any type can wear
black with impunity, this can. For jewels, any desired stone.
Black hair, very dark eyes, golden-brown skin, warm color, bril-
liantly white teeth, may wear rich browns, clarets, deep amber, cream-
white, warm pinks and flame-color. Avoid black and very pale
colors. Yellow may be worn sometimes, but with a warning here to
the black-haired typ(,' in general. A writer on color wisely says that
" yellow is a color that should be suspiciously approached with black
hair. It is veiy often but a vulgar contrast." For jewels, diamonds
and all rich colored precious stones.
Black Hair, Rather Sallow Skin.
This style can wear bkick, but it must be relieved by white laces to
soften and light up the face, thus giving the " effectness of a drawing
in black and white." Dark grays, the dull reds occasionally. There
is a peculiar yellow-red, dusty, unluminous, very dark, that can be
profitably worn. Flame-color can be worn as linings, or trimmings,
though since there is so little color in this style, no colors seem to
have a true relation to it.
Dull gold is about the only ornament that can be worn, save
a delicate onyx cameo. Flowers : white water-lilies, camelias, or the
darkest, duskiest, damask roses, and none of these in such profusion
as to appear conspicuous.
20
402 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS.
Black Hair, Clear Skin, Blue Eyes.
This beautiful combination gives a wide range of color for selection.
Blues, especially sapphire shades, dark reds, pale pink, blue grays,
white, both cream and blue-white, and black, solid and transparent.
For jewels, pearls, sapphires, opals, turquoise, diamonds. White
flowers, also violets, pansi(.>s, etc.
The woman with blue eyes should always have some blue about
her. It is really extremely interesting to notice how blue brought up
close to the throat and then a bow of the same in her hair intensifies
the blue in the eyes, making even the pale, wishy-washy orbs a deep
violet. When the blue beneath the face is too trying there must be
some of the same put in the hair or hat, as the case may be. This
applies to all colors.
Brown hair, warm brown skin, brown eyes, may wear browns,
yellov s, ambers, cream-white, rich blues, tans, fawns, all reds, olive-
green and maroon; flame-color, and rose pink in small quantities.
This type can wear sharp brillirnt contrasts of colors if she choose,
providing they keep within range. Black, blue, white and all cold,
pale colors are to be avoided. The jewels may be diamonds and all
rich colored stones. Brown-eyed women should wear brown for the
very same reason that the blue-eyed woman should wear blue. Not
necessarily entire brown costumes, but brown placed near enough the
face to have the desired effect.
Dark brown hair, creamy-white skin and velvety-brown eyes, this
combination is beautiful, and may wear the black of silk, or velvet
with creamy lace to relieve the face. Dark reds, purples and maroons,
peacock-green, olive-green, ambers, violet, rose pink, with pearls,
amber, topaz, ruby, gainet, diamonds.
Chestnut Hair, Fair Skin, Blue Eyes.
This type can wear almost any color, except mauve and mysterious,
pale colors. To wear yellow, she must contrast it with brown or
subdued green.
COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 403
Chestnut hair, gray or green eyes : this type must be more cau-
tious, esjx;cially if the complexion be pale or sallow. Olive-green
(not too brown), relieved with palest pink. White contrasted with old
gold. Dark and light blues ; purple with white ; lilac and burnt
cream mingled (pongee is burnt cream shade), lilack with yellow
greens. Red in small quantities. In almo.st every eye there is a touch
of green. In some cases it is the predominant color, and when that is
the case green should be worn.
lilonde, fair hair (pale gold or flaxen), blue eyes, with or without a
rose flush : this is one of the few t\'pes that Cim wear blue-white. All
cool, refreshing colors ; cold silvery blues, pale greens, pale grays,
black, even the shiny black of satin, are all becoming. Heliotrope,
purple, cool violet, pink and lavender may be worn. It may be men-
tioned here that, while there are many other colors she can wear, the
cool blonde will never be better dressed than when adhering to the
colors that rightfully belong to her, and to her alone. Her style is
never more charming than when arrayed in sheer, floating, gauzy
materials. Ikit since winter must come, silks, velvets and all wools
are at her disposal in the desired shades. Amethysts, emeralds, sap-
phires and opals should be her jewels.
Almost Any Color.
The golden blonde gradually deepens in color as time passes on ;
she has usually gray-green or hazel eyes, and a warm, rosy skin. It
is a type that has a wide range of color from which to choose.
1 Warm reds and even flame-color can be worn, but ambers, yellows
and fawns will be the more harmonious. Warm pink, too, black,
brown, warm greens, cream-white, turquoise-blue, violet, purple and
warm gray.
This same type with pale, clear skin, instead of the roseate blue,
must choose very different shades. Olive-greens, all soft yellow-
greens, cream and transparent white, pale peacock and turquoise-
blues, pale amber, mauve pinks, shades of amethyst and heliotrope
are all suited to this type.
404 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS.
Pearls, opals, moonstones, turquoise and topaz, all flowers may be
worn, also pansics, svvcct peas, iind pale tinted roses.
All blondes, save the cool blonde, deepen in color as time goes on.
Let them watch for this, drop their palest tints, and adopt a few
warmer hues.
Occasionally, we see a blonde in whom this deepenini^ process has
turned the hair to a golden brown, brought out the warm golden tints
of the skin, and with it the blue eyes. Here the mistake is often made
of ignoring the blue eyes. This should never be done. Fawns and
old golds are good for this t}'pe. lirovv'ns, deep, rich pinks, blues,
all greens but the palest, bluish grays, cream-white and pansy-purple.
Gray Hair.
Premature gray hair has a picturesque and charming effect, often
giving beauty to what might otherwise pro\e a conmionplace counte-
nance. There are several types to be considered. Greenish gray
hair, premature or natural, accom])anied with brown, or dark gray
eyes, and a skin in which the brownish tints prevail, can wear all dark
greens and olives, blue, browns, and dark amber, warm yellows and
dark, dusky reds, yellowish-pinks, dark blues and purple, especially
the brownish-purples, also cream-white. Gray or black is to be
avoided. This range of color will, of course, be chosen {torn, in
accordance with the age of the wearer. For jewels, reddish topaz,
and amethyst are beautiful for this type, and tea-roses a most effective
I'r^wer.
Gray hair with a lighter, clear complexion and, perhaps, some color
in the cheeks, can wear the loveliest harmonies in grays. Black can
also be adopted and any of the first mentioned colors except brown.
A pale complexion with gray or blue and snowy hair, will be
elegant in the black of lace or velvet.
Prematurely gray with fine clear complexion, either pale or roseate,
together with blue eyes, is a magnificent type. The gray hair gives
the brilliancy of powder, and diamonds combined with turquoise cap,
t:'^ worn with fine ':^(fec*: ; pearls also.
COLORS AND C'OMPLHXIONS. 405
The Black Gown.
Women, as a rule, consider their wardrobe incomplete unless it
embraces at least one good black gown. "So very convenient, you
know, and suitable for so many occasions." In many respects this is
very true. But there are several jioints to be c(Misidered. First,
there are some types that should never wear black. Again, there are
others that must carefully discriminate between the black of velvet,
wool, satin, or lace, and the transparent black of grenadine and gauze.
While to all comes the caution that, after thirty years of age, no
woman can safely wear all black without thereby ageing her face.
Black certainly whitens the skin by contrast, but it brings out and
deepens every line. Only j)lump, fair, unlined faces can safely bear
the contrast.
In wearing black, the material whose tone is most becoming to the
skin, must be chosen. For instance, very few skins can bear the
glossy black of satin with its reflected lights. Black, however, ma}'
be softened by a profusion or cream laces or jetted until it scintillate;!
with every motion, and for evening wear the bodice may be cut low,
*:hus removing it from direct contrast with the face.
Various Hints.
Blondes may, if thev choose, wear yellows in harmony with their
hair. This possibility was first daringly acted upon by Worth with
most charming results.
Blue eyes can always be deepened by wearing the appropriate shade
of blue. White can be worn by women of all ages, and in almost all
materials is it becoming. For evening w-ear and for day wear it is
most satisfactory. Southern women make a point of dressing in it
altogether.
For evening wear, where the complexion renders it possible, a very
pretty effect is produced by wearing colors that relate or melt into
the skin tints, such as pinky browns, soft drabs, ashes of roses or
warm, creamy tints, like the heart of a tea-rose.
406 COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS.
The Choice of Colors.
Much more lies in choosing a becoming color than people generally
imagine. There is an old story told about some celebrated man, whose
lifelong devotion to his wife was considered somewhat remarkable, as
she was a very plain woman. One of his friends asked him what had
been the first thing about her that had attracted him He said: "A
pink shawl that was lying on the back of the chair in which she was
sitting made so plea.sing a contrast to the white frock she wore that I
thought only of that, and upon asking for an introduction to her solely
on account of the pink shawl, I was then introduced to a wonderful
fascination of manner and grace of mind which have enthralled me
ever since."
A woman's surroundings of necessity play a great part in her
appearance, but it does not by any means follow that luxurious fur-
nishings have any more effect than the very simplest and plainest,
particularly if they do not throw out well the beauty of the coloring.
What shades of ribbon to choose, what colors to wear are far more
serious matters than the majority of people realize.
The most stunning gown in the world, if it be unbecoming, will not
be half so efficacious as the simplest and plainest of gowns of a
becoming color and cut. This is emphatically a picturesque era, and
Vv'ide latitude is allowed in the choice of what is becoming. But bie
hats, big ricevcs, very stand-out skirts and a general fashion-plate air
do not do for every woman, and she who has her gown made on the
simplest possible lines will create more sensation in a roomful of very
much gotten-up women than if she attempted to vie with them.
Harmony and Contrast of Colors.
The following is a list of colors which contrast and harmonize j
White contrasts with black and harmonizes with gray.
White contrasts with brown and harmonizes with buff.
White contrasts ivith blue and harmonizes with sky-blue.
White contrastiJ ^vith purple anc harmonizes with rose.
COLORS AND COMPLEXIONS. 407
White contrasts with green nnd liarmonizcs witli pca-grccn.
Coltl greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with olive.
Cold greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine.
Cold greens contrast with white and harmonize with blues.
Warm greens contrast with crimson and harmonize with yellows.
Warm greens contrast with maroon and harmonize with orange
Warm greens contrast with purple and harmonize with citrine.
Warm greens contrast with red and harmonize with sky-blue.
Warm greens contrast with pink and harmonize with gray.
Orange contrasts with purple and harmonizes with yellow.
Orange contrasts with blues and harmonizes with red.
Orange contrasts with black and harmonizes with warm green.
Orange contrasts with olive and harmonizes with warm brown.
Citrine contrasts with brown and harmonizes with green.
Citrine contrasts with crimson and harmonizes with buff.
Russet contrasts with green and harmonizes with red.
• Olive contrasts with white and harmonizes with black.
Olive contrasts with maroon and harmonizes with brown.
Gold contrasts with any dark color, but looks richer with purple,
green, blue, black and brown than with the other colors. It harmo-
nizes with all light color, but least with yellow. The best harmony
is with white.
/TAHE beautiful is the suitable." "A woman
J^ careless of her dress is either unloved,
or unhappy." "Dress is to the body what
good sense is to the mind." " Dress is really a department of man-
ners," and appeals to the eye with the same force that gracious words
and softly keyed voices appeal to the ear. Costliness is not the
measure of the beauty of dress. Nay, rather suitability, harmony,
becomingness, unobtrusiveness, fitness for the place and person are
the qualities that make it perfect.
And because these canons of good taste are so frequently sinned
against it has seemed best to give the proper dress and appointments
for the proper times. Not as to particular styles for they are fleeting
as the breath of fashion, but as to general principles which are well
nigh changeless. Once certain of these fundamental principles,
embarrassment and self-consciousness are banished.
Dress at Home.
It is, perhaps, the dress at home that tells most of the care and
character of the wearer. Much regard is given to the dress for other
occasions, but here comes the test of delicacy and refinement, the
criterion of the individual.
Neatness is the first requisite, suitability the second. There is
nothing more of an offense to good taste than seeing the delicate
fabric, the ribbons, the laces of a once elegant toilet, degraded to the
uses of the kitchen, spotted and soiled almost beyond recognition.
Have gowns adapted to the tasks for which they are intended.
The neat gingham, the plain wool gown, are pretty and appropriate
408
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 400
for tlic morning wear of any lady who must superintend the workings
of her own household. Aprons, gloves, dust caps, which can be
quickly doftcd and will leave her neat and presentable for the stray
morning caller without the necessity, on her part, of a change of
costume, and on his, of a tedious waiting.
For afternoon the prettiest of toilets may be worn in the shape of
house-dresses, or tea-jackets made of otherwise useless remnants oi
bright silks, and ribbons may be used to wear with otherwise present-
able skirts whose original bodices hav^e been long outworn. Trains,
medium, are always pretty in the house, hence tea-gowns, from thc
richest to the most modest in cost, are always in favor. Avoid very
short skirts for the house ; they are awkward, and belittle you from a
mental as well as a physical standpoint.
Observe the utmost neatness in everv detail of the toilet for home
or street. It is an old rule, but a ver}' good one, that a woman may
be judged " by her boots, gloves and pocket-handkerchiefs." To thi>
may be added "finger nails," and last but not least, skirt edges.
" No matter how elegant the general get-up may be," asserts one fas-
tidious critic, "if a woman's skirt binding is muddy, frayed, or pendant,
she is, to my mind, not a gentlewoman."
The General Fitness.
The style of the person should have much to do with choosing the
style of dress for any occasion. Only people lacking the slightest
originality of mind would think of blindly following the dictates oi
fashion without any reference to their own physical style.
Very short women should not wear very large hiits. Women with
very thin faces should avoid wide hat brims and many plumes.
Women with large, full faces should not go to the extreme in wearing
small bonnets. To do so is but to cxafrgerate the defect in each case.
No matter what the extremity of style may be, there is always a happy
medium from which to choose.
Flying curls and a great suberabundancc of ribbons and fluttering
ends belong only to a young girl. To persist in an extremely youth-
4J0 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
ful style of dress long after the passing of youth, instead of adding to
the apparent youth of the wearer, simply defeats its own end by
exaggerating the defects it was meant to conceal.
Small, thin women should not wear too much black. Let them wear
a profusion of fluffy laces about the throat; soft, puffy vests, or, as one
writer observes, " learn something from Sara Bernhardt and her con-
summate skill in concealing bones."
Short, stout women should see that all adornments, such as folds,
plaits, etc., keep as much as possible in perpendicular lines. It is a
mistake to think that perfect plainness will disguise the breadth, it
rather emphasizes it. On this style of woman a loosely-fitted wrap
has a better effect for the street than a tight, plain garment.
Common-Sense Sleeves.
A very stout or a very thin woman should never wear extremely
light sleeves, no matter what the style may be. The stout woman
should also avoid an elbow sleeve with loosely falling ruffles, and the
trimming, if possible, should run in lengthwise folds or bands. This
precaution tends to decrease the apparent size of the arm. The slender
woman, on the contrary, is much improved by the puffed elbow sleeve
ending with a fall of lace.
Let women learn to put on belts so that they will slip downward in
front and up in the back. This does everything for the waist in
making it look slender and graceful. If yokes are worn, it is well to
remember that a deep yoke is more becoming than a narrow one. If
it is short in front, it looks awkward, and if it is short behind, it gives
a round shouldered effect.
Where a rich toilet is worn for any occasion, be sure that everything is
in keeping. If the gown be of velvet do not wear with it a linen collar
or cheap lace. If real lace is beyond the means there are always the
filmy tulles and crepe lisse. If jewelry is worn, it should be of the
best, be it much or little. The fan, also, for such a costume should
carry out the idea of luxury.
Cheap, fanciful, pretty things have their place in connection with
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIOxXS. 411
soft wool, or pretty cotton costumes, but " lightness or grace is out
thing; magnificence or luxury, another."
A very young girl should never wear rich, heavy fabrics ; they are
unsuited to her youthful face and ways.
The evils of tight lacing are so pronounced that it would seem
almost unnecessary to remonstrate against them in this age of en-
lightenment, were they not so continually forced upon our view.
Nothing could be more unbecoming to the women fair, fat and forty,
who are usually the ones to adopt this custom ; an inch less in waist
is hardly gained at the price of an unbecoming flush, a labored breath-
ing, and a serious injury to the health, besides the lack of grace that
comes from binding and constricting any portion of the human form
divine.
Gloves and Shoes.
To have many dresses is always a mistake even among the very
wealthy. They are constantly going out of fashion and unless the
owner is continually seen at balls, receptions and other gatherings,
they are entirely unnecessary.
The glove of to-day is fitted comfortably. Nothing is more indica-
tive of a lack of taste than to crowd the hand into a glove that is
several sizes too small for it. The same might be said of the foot, and
with more reason, since a pai:ifully tight shoe not only injures the
health, comfort and complexion of the wearer, but is ruinous to all
grace of carriage.
There is nothing marks the true lady as much as the perfection of
neatness and style in gloves and shoes. To be well gloved and to
have one's feet neatly clad, no matter how plain the attire, is to be
well dressed.
(Other hints on this subject will be found in the departments of
"Art in Dress" and ** Colors and Complexions.")
The umbrella, too, must be carefully chosen. If it is possible to
have parasols and umbrellas for different occasions, then there is no
difficulty of choice, but where one must answer for all occasions of the
season, let it be a plain, dark or black silk. This will be suitable at
412 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
all times, but if the fancy of the moment, as to pale and delicate color-
ings be consulted, the result is too often painfully incongruous. In
buying gloves, shoes or umbrellas, it is worth while to invest in
a good article. There is no economy in the poorer grades.
Artifices of the Toilet.
All artificial aids to beauty should be sparingly used, and have no
place whatever upon the toilet table of the young girl. Powder and
paiiit are so obvious to the eye, that their use, or rather abuse, by
some othenvise sensible women, is a continual wonder. A dust of
rice powder is sometimes excusable, but there can be no possible
apology ior the " made-up " faces one sees upon our streets. They
deceive no one and have no excuse for being. The woman who stands
in the pitiless glare of the footlights must needs add color to replace
that stolen from her face by the strong white light of day, but others
have no such excuse for " frescoing " the face. It is a sin alike
against good taste and good breeding.
There are various simple preparations that can be used to clear the
skin, and various massage treatments to smooth out the cruel little
lines that time WTites on all faces, and kindly unguents to fill out the
hollow cheeks and temples, and thus keep the outlines of youth a
little longer. And there is wholesome living and vigorous exercise,
and daily and revivifying baths t<> call the flush of health to the
cheek ; and loving thoughts and kindly deeds to keep the eyes soft
and bright, and thus to set the inroads of time at defiance for many
years. And since a woman is no older than she looks, and since the
prerogatives of youth are dear to the heart, it is her bounden duty to
keep herself sweet and young.
There is one excusable addition to the personal charms and that is
where nature has denied the grace of luxuriant locks. This lack can
be so cunningly supplied by the hairdresser's art that detection is
impossible, and as it ever has been, and ever will be, that a woman's
hair is a glorj'- unto her, there can be no reason against her hiding
from view any lack of it when it is done in an artistic fashion.
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 413
When to Wear Jewels.
Mme. dc Maintenon declared that good taste simply indicates good
sense, but many women who boast of gootl sense seem not to have
the slightest idea of the times and places for wearing precious stones.
It is conceded by all authorities that articles of adornment consi::!.-
ing of or containing jewels or precious stones should never be worn in
the street. JCxception is made in favor of rings and watches. The
woman who wishes to adopt correct form in dress will never wear any
but the simplest little pin to fasten her gou n at the throat during the
morning hours and on the street.
For ceremonious visits, a prett}- and ornamental pin of gold is proper,
or of gold and enamel, but even then it should have a useful purpose;
(t should fasten some part of the toilet. The enameled and gold
wreaths of myrtle or of forget-me-nots are extremely pretty for these
simple pins. So are the true love-nots or a flower of enamel upon
gold, but without the all-prevailing diamond dewdrop t)r center.
For dinner, a woman may wear the richest gems, it being under-
stood that the function is a ceremonious one, and that she shall wear
a low gown. Should she dine in a more democratic way and the men
of the family do not wear evening dress, she naturally will wear a high
gown or one possibly open a little at the throat. She may wear a pin
with a single gem under these circumstances.
For balls, operas or entertainments of corresponding splendor, a
woman, when she is not herself the hostess, may wear any number of
well-chosen jewels. It is quite correct to be sumptuous in this par-
ticular, but well to remember that jewels, like flowers, harmonize or
tlo not harmonize, and that emeralds and turquoises, for example, may
not be worn in conjunction, because, as the French say, "they swear
at each other."
It is not iTood form to w^ear ornaments made in the form of beasts
or reptiles. The sacred emblem of the cross set in shining jewels and
worn at ball or rout, shows a most pitiable ignorance of the eternal
tltness of things.
414 DRKSS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
Well bred youn<^ girls are limited as to jewels — a string of pearls
for the slender neck, a ring with the natal stone or an armament of
turquoises and pearls, a little gold love manacle about the wrist, that
is all, and quite enough until after marriage. A bride may wear for
the marriage ceremony either diamonds or pearls — not in profusion —
but never gold ornaments.
Use of Scents and Flowers.
The use of various scents is more sinned against than any other
toilet accessory. Only the faintest suggestion of perfume should be
allowed to hang about the garments of a well-bred woman or girl.
To wear any redolence on the person in the shape of sachet bags is
unpardonable. To many people strong perfumes are extremely
unpleisant, and those who have regard for the feelings of others
would forbear their use for this reason alone, even were it not a sin
against the canons of good breeding as well.
When perfumes are used, it is a dainty custom to choose one
favorite scent and to use that, and that only, so that in time the
sweet, illusive odor becomes almost a part of the personality.
Flowers, fresh, dewy flowers seem the natural adornment of youth
especially, and to forswear the pretty custom would appear an un-
called-for giving up of the sweet thought which dedicates the flowers
of the field to their human prototypes. Yet there is reason in the
custom that has, in great measure, withdrawn them from the heated
ball-room and the artificially illuminated dinner table.
Corsage bouquets, in dancing, become an early ruin. Carried in
in the hand at a ball, they are speedily tossed aside on the nearest
point of refuge and left there to ignominiously fade. When flowers
are worn at an evening entertainment, choose those that will best
stand the light and heat.
The Face Veil.
In spite of the protestations of oculists, women continue to regard
veils as an essential part of their toilets ; first, because they are becom-
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 4U
ing ; and, second, because they keep their hair in order. Tlie plain
tulles and nets, which come in all colors, single and double widths,
are always pleasant to wear and less trying to tlie eyes than the
coarser meshes. The veil of Brussels net wrought in sprigged designs
is a failure. It is becoming to nobody, and is essentially inartistic.
Women with dark hair and eyes and a brilliant color lo<jk well in
veils with the dots larger and nearer together. If the skin is clear,
white veils are very becoming, though apt to give an impression of a
made-up comfjlcxion. The woman with fair hair and blue eyes, and
without color, generally looks best in a large meshed black veil, with
the dots — if dots are worn — far apart. A nav}' blue veil makes the
skin look clear and fair, and a gray veil should never be worn by tlv
pale or sallow woman.
^Vhen to Wear Gloves.
The question of when to wear gloves is a much disputed point in thr
etiquette of dress. They are worn to dinner parties, but custom pre
scribes that they shall be removed in sitting down at the table. After
using the finger-bowl, the gloves should be resumed before leaving
the table, or else immediately after returning to the drawing-room.
To wear gloves while assisting to pour tea for an "at home,'* is out of
place, but it is very usual to wear them while receiving in the after-
noon, though their omission at such a time is pardonable. The
visitors, of course, wear both gloves and bonnets.
At a " stand-up " evening supper it is not usual to remove the
gloves since there is really no time or place to do it, where each one
is expected to leave as soon as possible to make room for the next.
Remove the hand only of the right glove and tuck it back under the
wrist.
Dancing parties always call for gloves, preferably light in tint. To
wear gloves while playing cards is also an unnecessary affectation of
elegance. Walking, driving, shopping and all outdoor events, such
as lawn parties, etc., call for gloves. Tint and quality of these are t(^
be regulated by the occasion or the costume.
416 DRESS FOR SPECIAT. OCCASrOXS.
When to Wear Low-cut Gowns.
This question has but one answer, *' Never by daylight." in this
respect the rule that <^overns the wearing of a man's dress suit —
" from dusk to dawn," is applicable. Even on those occasions when
the jealous daylight is shut out and candlelight reigns, dress suits and
full dccolctti' gowns are not permissible. A concession can be made
by cutting the corsage a little low in the throat, and by elbow sleeves
or almost no sleeves.
1m )r every social function lield from midday to a late dinner hour,
young girls, especially, should wear their gowns cut high with long
sleeves, except on some gala occasion, when the rule may be some-
what relaxed as above.
Even at balls, evening parties, late dinners, the young girl's evening
dress, \{ dvcolcttc, should be very modest in cut. Where a dinner and
dance follow a large afternoon recejition and the men who are invited
are apt to arrive at dinner in full evening dress, a girl's dress may be
somewhat elaborated, but not to the extreme of ball costume.
Ball Dress.
For the ball-room the most elaborate dress is to be worn ; decolette
corsage, flowers and jewels are all appropriate. Those who dance
should wear pale colors and light, floating fabrics, leaving the heavy
silks and velvets for those who do not indulge in this amusement.
A low-cut corsage is not expected of elderly women unless they
wish it. Chaperons can wear an elegant dinner dress if they desire ;
velvets or brocades, cut square in the neck, with a profusion of fine
lace and rich ornaments. In short, she should be as different as
possible from her charge.
If an elderly woman of full figure wears a low-necked dress, a lace
scarf or something of that sort should be thrown over her shoulders.
Gowns cut dancing length or with train, are appropriate for the
ball-room, but where much dancing is to be indulged in, trains are
very much in the way.
[)KKSS lOK SIMX'IAL OCCASIONS. 417
Opera Dress.
For the opera the most elegant clrcs.sin<; is desirable. Ladies may-
wear evening ^owns, and men dress suits. If they occupy boxes this
is ahiiost an obli<^ation. Lii^ht colors render the lu^use more attractive —
are, in fact, a part of the whole spectacle. Jewels and flowers are there,
and those who we;ir \isitinL( or street costume are in the nu'norit}'.
If a man wear a dress suit it is expected that the woman will show
him sufficient respect to wear an evenini; j^own. The man's costume
is donned out of respect for the occasion and the woman, and she
betrays utter ii^norance or remissness of dut\' )\hen she does not
return the ccMiipliment in kind.
HiL;h hats an," an abomination at opera or theater. Where anj'thing
is worn upon tlu- lua 1 it should be in the shape of a tiny bonnet, a
dainty confection of tulle, flowers and ribbon.
This is especialK' necessary where a pul^lic conveyance must be
made use of to reach the place. At an opera matinee the bonnet
must be worn in connection with an elegant \isitinL^ or reception
costume.
Middle-a'^ed women wear the same c(^stume at the opera that they
would at a dinner party.
Theater Costume.
To dress for the theater is a much simi)ler matter than for the opera.
Display is not required here. l'>legant visiting or promenade costume
is appropriate. Dn^ssy little bonnets or small hats, i^loves, either
matching the gown or light in tint, complete the theater toilet. If a
large hat is worn to the theater, common courtesy demands its
removal that those in the rear may see the stage.
Dress for concerts admits of a little more display than for the
theater. A silk gown with a little lace and jewelry, and white or
light kid gloves.
Dinner Dress.
A lady's dinner dress may be elegant as her fancy dictates. But
if she is hostess she should never try to eclipse her guests. Trained
27
418 DRKSS J'UR SPECIAL OCvWSIONS.
gowns arc eminently suital^lc, and may be worn b}' maids or matrons
alike, l\\\\ Icnj^th trains are not necessary, and even dcmi-trains need
not be worn by ver}- )'ouni^ women. ]iut the soft sweep of a train
lends an added grace to a woman's gown, and this is one of the (cw
places where it can be appropriate!)' worn. The corsage may be cut
square, or licirt-shaped, or opened at the throat in any pretty wa\',
but never so low as for a ball dress. Sleeves are iisualK' half length,
and bracelets are given an opportunit}' for displa}'. Long gloves must
be wcrn. As to color, ail shatles, from the safe selection of a black
silk or velvet, down in the palest lints, are in (.)rder, the onl\' jiroxaso
being that color and materi.d suit the stvle of the wearer. An elderh'
lady inclined to stoutness, and with a florid cast of countenance, is at
lier worst in light silks or satin. They heighten her defects, while
darker shades subdue her coloring and serve to decrease lur ai)p.ux'nt
size and superfluous breadth.
I'or a }■ 'Ung girl, a simj)le dress of wool goods in white, or pale
becoming tints, is all that is necessary. Open it slightly at the throat,
soften it with a little lace, show the pretty arms in a demi-sleeve. autl
it is far more suited to her \-outh than an over-elaborate gown.
If the dinner is held by daylight and the men wear morning dress
the ladies must confine themseh'cs to his'h-cut ""owns turned in sliirhtlv
at the front and fastened with a simple pin of gold enamci, witli,
perhaps, a single gem at its heart.
Traveling Notes.
A dress for traveling should be pkiin and serviceable ; a tint should
be chosen that does ne>t show soil or dust. A duster, an ulster or
over-garment of some kind made of pongee silk, linen or whatever
material is in vogue, should bti worn to protect the costume from
smoke and dust.
The hat should be plain and a veil worn to shield the eyes from
cinders when traveling b\' railway. A pair of slightly smoked spec-
tacles are very good for this purpose. Carry an extra wrap and a
hand-satchel to hold the needed toilet articles. Let everythi.ig else
^^^^^^Pf^jrt^P^S:
TRAVELING COSTUME,
419
420 DRKS-^ FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
i^o In the trunk. A \vom;in burdened with "bii^ bundle, little bundle,
bandbox and umbrella," is a burtlen to herself and a terror to others.
Let the satchel contain a flask of some invis/oratinir toilet water —
Florida, lavender or whatever is most refreshing;, with a soft sponj^e to
bathe the face, hatuls and wrists, and thereby many a headache can be
warded o.T. If travelinj^ in a sleepini;- coach, a lari^cr valise should
be carried and ouu[ht t > contain a prett\' loose <rown of dark silk oi
wool to ser\'e as a slumber robe, since clad in this one may safely
\'inture from berth to dressing-room without excitinij observation.
The rule for traveliuLj dress is that there should be nothiui^ about
a lady to attract attention, but this is relaxed in cast; of ladies traveling
a short distance for a brief xisit, \\ho are privilet^ed to wear the dress
that suits Ihcir purpose.
Bridal Dress.
The conventi il bridal dress is pure white, whether the material be
fiatin, silk or nuislin. It mi)' be made trained or w.dkiuL^ lenj^th. If
a \eil is worn the L^own i^ cut en train. White satin s!i[)p.'rs must be
worn and white L,doves. Ri[) the fourth finder of the left-hand glove
-ead}' for the ring; the maid of honor will turn tliis back at the
/)roper moment. Natural flowers are carried and a wreath is won»
witii a veil. The veil should sweep to the edge of the train and may
be simpl)' a cloud of sheerest tulle or film}- lace worth a king's
'■ansom. It may be worn over the face or not, as fancy dictates.
Sometimes a white leather or pearl bound prayer-book is carried
instead of the bouquet. This custom has the adv^antage of having
the prayer-book as a memento of the occasion, while the flowers
wither. .V young girl, known to the writer, carried with her to the
altar the same prayer-book that her motlier before her had carried on
her wedding day.
The wedding dress, no matter what its material, must be cut high
in the neck and with long sleeves. This in deference to the fact that
a marriage is not simply a gala occasion, but the turning point for
weal or woe in the bride's life, and a solemn sacrament of the church,
and not t'^ be celebrated in die garb of frivolity.
DRKSS KOR SPKCIAL OCCASIONS. 42^
Wlicrc flmvcrs arc worn, oratij^c l)lo5?.soms arc particularly appro-
priate, thouLjh no German maiden would think of donning the bridal
veil without its attendant myrtle wreath. i\ny white flowers, however,
are appropriate.
Where jewels are worn the choice is absolutely confined to pearls
and diamonds (not in too Ljrcat profusion). Instead of flowers, the
veil is sometimes fastened with a star or sunburst of diamonds.
Widows, no matter how youthful, are not privilc^^ed to wear the
white bridal robe, the veil, nor the orancje blossoms. However, the
most exquisitely delicate tints may be chosen for their adornment.
If the marriage is private and the bride leaves immediately on her
wedding trip she can be married in her traveling suit. At other
private weddings, where no trip is taken, the bride usually wears a
pretty reception or visiting costume of silk or wool, choosing some
color that will be appropriate for after-wear.
The bride's mother, whether the wedding be at home or in church,
wears an elegant reception gown. Even if she be in deep mourning
she lays aside its sombre shades for this one hour. Invited guests
should also avoid mourninir crarb,
Bridemaid's Dress.
The bridemaids* dresses arc often all of white, but frequently colors
are chosen, sometimes all alike ; again, two by two of different hues.
The material of these gowns must be much less expensive than that
of the bride's. Their bouquets or baskets of flowers may be either
white or colored. They sometimes wear lovely picture hats with
broad brims and drooping plumes.
"What "Wedding Guests Wear.
If the wedding reception is held in the evening, full evening dress
is worn ; reception gowns being suitable for the elder ladies. (See
" Ball Dress.") Where children are present, the girls are dressed in
sheer muslin or lace over silk slips, and adorned with fluttering rib-
bons. The boys in fanciful costumes, such as pages' suits, etc. If
422 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
it is a morning reception, rich visitinc^ or promena'le costumes should
be worn, small dress bonnets and white gloves.
Ordinary Evening Dress.
This applies to small parties at home (^r with friends, to receiving
calls at home or in making an evening call. It should be appropriate
to the season. Pretty wool goods, exquisitely made, in winter ;
organdies, grenadines and mulls for summer ; laces, a modest bit of
jewelry or a simple flower, and one is sufficiently well-gowned.
If the gathering is a little more formal, reception dresses may be
worn by the matrons, while the young ladies garb themselves as for
receiving at an afternoon tea.
If gloves are worn at all on such cUi occasion they must be light
colored. They are really unnecessar}', unless the taste of that especial
"set" is very strongly in their favor. If in doubt, il is well to go
furnished with a pair for use in case one finds all the guests gloved,
and has not the moral courage to remain the exception.
Dress for Church.
Well-bred people attend church in simple costumes, ficc from dis-
pla\'. These may be of rich materials, but the\- are quiet in color and
make. Jewelry, other than a simple pin, should not be used ; ear-
rings, of course, if one is in the hiabit of wearing them, but not
diamonds. The church is not the place to flaunt elegant ;ittire in the
face of less fortunate worshipers in the " I-am-richer-than-thou " style
that marks the parvcmi.
Receiving Calls.
A lady with regul.'u- days for receiving calls wears a reception dress
as before described. Casual callers she receives in her morning or
afternoon house dress. Her morning dress, if she superintends her
household affairs, should be plain and neat, and be so protected by cap
and apron that by dofiRng these, she will be presentable in a moment.
Where there are no househol! cares, a daintier morning dress may
be adopted, but let it be suitable to the occasion, not some old, half-
DRKSS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 423
worn fint:iy rcv^ampcd for the occasion. If visiting, a still riclicr gown
may be worn, and for a late breakfast at a watering place one may be
c^uite luxurious.
Calling or Visiting Costume.
For morning calls dress cjuietK' in promenade costume. Wear light-
colored gloves unless in deep mourning. If driving, carriage dicss
may be worn. For day leceptions the dress may be more elaborate
and the bonnet more " dressy."
By not carefully distinguishing between the gowns for different
occasions and over-dressing at all times, women lose all the advantages
of contrast in style. If lace and silk are worn indiscriminately, what
is there left for the full dress function?
Walking Dress.
This should be plain — tailor-made is the best — walking length, and
v>f good material. "Fussy" styles should not be chosen for street
wear, and the liat or bonnet should be rather plain and harmonize
with the gow^n.
Carriage Dress.
There is much more latitude for display permitted by the carnage
dress. Rich materials, elegant wraps, costly furs, are all allowable here.
Coaching parties, too, have grown to be occasions for most gor-
geous costuming. Every hue of the rainbow is to be seen as the
lofty tally-ho rolls past, until, so great has become the license of color
and richness of material, that the " four hundred " are calling a halt,
and soberer tints are beginning to mark this amusement.
Do not wear too many fluttering ribbons, especially if occupying
that coveted position — the box seat. It does not add to the skill and
accuracy of the driver at a critical moment to have a fluttering ribbon
::ut like a whip-lash across his eyes.
Dress for Lent.
This should be the sort of gown most appropriate and becoming to
the attitude of repentance, The gowns, of course, are simple, cj^uiet
424 DRESS FOR SPECIaI^ OCCASIONS.
affairs. Symphonies in gray, poems in black and white, must, .says
(MIC writer, "reflect in their construction as well as color tlie soberness
of the event which they will grace. A train is always admissible for
the Lenten robe — that is, if it is for house wear. Otherwise the skirt
must be short — quite short enough, indeed, to give one's churchwomen
a gl'"apse of a dainty gray or black walking boot."
Any of the heliotrope, mauve or pansy shades, also, are appropriate
e.xpressions of the sorrow of the fashionable woman, thus giving a
color scheme capable of the most exquisite effects. White cashmere
is well suited for the house ; and very little draperies, but long, straight
lines, give the sought-after effect, and thus the dainty chrysalis rests
during the forty days that precede the unfolding of the gorgeous wings
of the Easter butterfly.
Dress for Riding.
The riding-habit should be made of broadcloth or some other suit
able cloth. The skirt should be weighted by sewing shot in the lower
edge of the left-hand breadths. lujuestrian tights should be worn.
The habit is sometimes worn over another dress-skirt, when, in case
of dismounting or accident, the habit-skirt can be slipped off and the
rider still left properly attired.
Very long skirts are not worn. The habit should fit perfectly and
button to the throat. Linen collar, a pretty tie and linen cuffs are
worn, and a leather glove with gauntlet. The hat should be plain,
and of the prevailing fashion.
Lawn Parties.
The dress for these occasions has been already described ; sufficient
here to say it should be light and graceful, and the bonnet or hat
ornamental and effective.
Picnics and Excursions.
Light-weight wool goods, or heavy cotton or linen material that will
wash and not tear easily, is most suitable for these occasions. Linen
or cotton duck is very serviceable.
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 425
Croquet, Archery, Skating, Etc.
All of these semi-athletic games call for bright, pretty costumes,
short enough to give the freedom of movement necessary to excel in
the game. For summer out-of-door games, pliable gloves should be
worn, and a hat to protect the eyes from the sun. For skating, rich,
warm materials, fur trimmings, fur caps, and warm, furred gauntlets
should be worn.
Bathing Dress.
Bathing calls for a costume of some material that will not cling to
the form when wet. Flannel is appropriate, and a heavy quantity of
mohair also makes a successful dress, as it resists water and has no
chnging qualities. An oil-silk cap should be worn over the hair.
The cut of the dress should be modest ; the costume loose and full,
and it should be made with a skirt. The neck should be cut quite
high.
Yachting Dress.
This is a pretty, nautical ly devised and ornamented suit, made of
warm materials and those that will stand sea water.
Dress for Gentlemen.
The subject of dress, while not so complex for a man as for a
woman, must still receive a certain amount of care at his hands, for
no gentleman can possess complete disregard of reignnig styles with-
out thereby sacrificing a certain amount of dignity in the estimation of
his associates.
As far as the cardinal points of the toilet extend, a man is bound by
the same laws of exquisite neatness that are incumbent upon a woman.
The same care of teeth, finger-nails, hands and hair is necessar}'. Don't
neglect the small hairs that sometimes project from the nostrils and
the apertures of the ears. Use a small pair of scissors.
A gentleman will have spotless collars, cuffs and handkerchiefs,
irreproachable gloves, nicely blackened shoes and thoroughly brushed
clothes. Hair oil must never be used ; it is ill-bred.
426 DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.
Clothes of plain colors arc always in good taste, and so is pure
white linen. The fancy dotted and striped collars, cuffs and bosoms,
so often worn, arc not as good taste.
Jewelry should be used very sparint^^lw Utility should be apparent
in the articles worn. Watch chain, slcexe buttons and studs (one or
three, as liked) arc necessary. Where one stutl is used, the stone,
though not conspicuous for size, should be a \cr\- fine one. A scarf
l)in is sometimes worn, and one ring is allowable, but not too large or
showy, l^on't use quantities of j)crfumcry, it is \er\' bad taste.
Keep a dressing-gown for use in the dressing-room or the sick-
room. It is not a proper garment for the table or the sitting-room.
Wear the hat properh' and squareK' upon the head. Wear a coat
at all proper times — in the sitting-room, drawing-room, and at tiible.
Lastlv', a gentleman ax'oids all conspicuous styles of dress, and con-
fines liimself to quiet colors and well-fitting, well-cared-for garments.
Evening Dress for Gentlemen.
The evening dress for gentk^men \arirs very little from year to year,
antl the time of wearing it varies not at all. From "dusk to dawn,"
in other words, a gentleman wears a dress suit during the same hours
that a lady wears an evc-ning dress.
Gentlemen's evening dress consists of black trousers, a low-cut
black or white vest, dress or "swallow-tail" coat, ;;ik1 white necktie.
The liiun must be immaculate. A young man wears a standing
collar; an elderly man, if he choose, ma\' wear his fa\orite style, with
due deference to the reigning style. One or three studs adorn the
bosom.
Properly speaking, white or very light kid gloves arc a part of
evening dress, but to say whether or not the\' shall be vvorn always at
a formal dinner is hardly safe. If worn, remove them at the table ;
but at a ball they are indispensable. On all doubtful occasions it is
well to be provaded with a pair, to use if wished.
livening dress is to be worn at balls, large dinners, parties and the
opera. It is never worn at church, save in case of an evening wedding.
DRESS FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS. 427
It is never worn anywhere on Sunday. In a small town a dress suit
on any occasion is apt to seem an affectation. Never wear a dress
suit anywhere before six o'clock in the evening.
"A gentleman never looks more thoroughly a gentleman than in an
evening dress," says one writer on etiquette, and it is well for those
to whom the occasion is liable to come to learn to wear one gracefully
and easily.
In h^'ance a dress suit is worn upon nearl}- all festi\'o occasions. In
England the same customs prexail for its use as in our own country.
Morning Dress for Gentlemen.
Black cutaway, or Prince Albert coafc (frock coat), black vest, white
in summer, light-colored trousers, silk or some other style of ctiff hat,
aiul a black necktie. \ light coat is never worn \vith black trousers.
This morning dress is worn at church, morning receptions, informal
;«irties, garden parties, win a making calls, and at places of amuse-
ment.
Wedding Dress for Gentlemen.
i\t morning weddings, that is, all w^eddings before six o'clock, the
gentlemen, bridegroom, best man, and all, wear morning dress with
light-colored ties. If gloves are W(Mmi, light-colored ones must be
selected. If there is a formal reception held in the evening, evening
dress and white or very pale gloves may then be worn. At an even-
ing w^cdding, evening dress is expected.
Gloves for Gentlemen.
Gentlemen wear gloves when walking, riding, or driving, at church
and all places of amusement, when making calls, and at receptions,
balls and evening parties. White or v^ery pale tints for balls and
vvedaings ; delicate tints for evening parties ; any shade preferred for
the other occasions.
General Hints.
A silk hat should only be worn on ajipropriate occasions. Worn
with a rough business suit, or on a picnic or mountain ramble^ it is in
t28 DRi:sS FOR SPECIAL OCCASTOxNS.
the worst possible taste. It sliould appear only with frock coats,
elrcss coats and a fine qiiaUty of cloth.
Felt or straw liats shoidd be W(xrn with short coats or business suits.
The mourning weed, convcationalK' speaking, is worn only on a silk
hat ; but there is no good reason why those who wish to wear mourn-
ip.g for lost friends should always be in dress of ceremony so to do.
Diamonds should not be worn during business hours by men who
are obliged to stand behind counters or engage in any toil.
]-iusiness suits should never be worn to an evening party in the
city, though in small country gatherings they might be permissible.
Even various styles of outing suits are allowable in some of the
informal gatherings at summer resorts.
*' Nice customs courtesy to great kings," or to occasions.
Evening Suit for Boys.
This is black cloth with the rough surfice that is seen in the
material used for grown-up, evening clothes. His trousers are the
proper width and show a slight but not too pronounced crease. His
W'aistcoat is cut low, and over it he wears <m I^^ton jacket of black
cloth that is accentuated by the deep white linen collar which turns
over it, and which is attached, like his cuffs, to his immaculate white
shirt.
He scorns all jew^elry but a little watch and the white enamel
buttons that are in his shirt. His silk hat has a lower and a some-
what broader crown than that made for an older gentleman.
A suit like this is worn by a boy from the time he is twelve until
he is eighteen, and then he is supposed to assume the regulation
evening dress worn by men.
Itm^
l^TTl'UvS arc the mcmor}' of frioncl
s1m|), "and arc tol)c rccktMicd amoni;
the chief links in tiu: social chain
that binds parent and child, lover and sweetheart,
friend and friend, in harmonious accord.
A letter may, from a business point of view, make or mar the for-
tunes of its sender, while none the less surely, from a social standard,
will our epistles approve or condenui our claim fi)r consideration
Kver)' position in life, and e\er\' occasion which may arise therein
demand more or less exercise of our epistolar)' powers, and while but
few can hope for the grace, the wit, the repartee that sparkle in the
missives of a de Stael, a Recaniier, a Walpoie, a Macaulay, e\ery one
can and should learn to write a clear, concise, intelli<^ent, appropriate
letter.
A Rare Accomplishment.
To do this properly is a social accomplishment, and one of the
greatest boons that education confers. A graceful note, a kindl}',
sparkling letter, are each the exponent of a true lacly or gentleman,
though it must be confessed, since our countr\' furnishes no so-called
"leisure class," the art of letter-writing has, in great measure, fallen
into feminine hands, the cares of business and professional life ofttimes
preventing the sterner half of creation from mere friendly exercise of
the pen. It is among women, therefore, that we will find in the
present, as we have found in the past, the best and most fluent of
correspondents.
A certain dread of letter-writing, however, seems to haunt a large
class of people. This dread, arising either from imperfect education,
a lack of practice or a fear of " nothing to say," can be overcome in
great measure by careful study jf the few main requisites of the art,
429
430 T^HTTKR \VKiriN(i.
as embraced in style, orthoj^raplu', forms to be adopted and stationery
to be used for certain occasions.
The Style,
Of course, is a subtle somethinL^ inherent in eacli individual, not to be
entirely done away with in any case, but to be im[)r(;ved b\' a careful
study cjf good models, such, for example, as the letters of the abo\e
mentioned authors. To read the best prose writers also cannot fail
to work an impro\ement. Vuv instance, the writer once, after an
enthusiastic stuck' of Taine, was rewarded b\' the assurance fn^m a
literary correspondent that he!" letter- were thorou;^]ily " Tainesque "
in style.
liy judicious reading; and carefullx' takini^ thou;j^ht, an aljrupt st\'lo
may be softened and more graceful, flowing senlen-'is substituted for
its short, sharp phrases ; while a reduntlant slyk', by the same care,
ma}' be pruned of its exuberance.
The chief charm of a letter consists in it being written naturall\- and
as one would talk. " We shouKl write as we speak', and that's a true
familiar letter which expresseth a man's mind as if he were discoursing
with the })art\' to wlioni he writes," says Howell, and, ancient as th'/
words are, no better advice can be gixen to-ehiy.
Write easih', antl never simply for eff; Jt ; this gives a constraineil,
stilted style that will soon cool the corrc -.[;ondence. Let )'our thoughts
flow as they would were }'ou conversing with }'our friend, but do not
gossip; give friendly intelligence only when certain of its truth. This
will not seem too much when it is remembered how written words
sometimes rise uj) in judgment against their authors when the .spoken
words would long since have been forgotten. A lapse of time will
brush the bloom from our sentences and nothing; can brine-' back aLiain
the tender grace that transfigured the over-sweetness of some little
written sentiment, or redeem it from the realm of the bombastic in
our eyes to-day. Then " let your communications be, not exactl\'
'yea and nay,' but do let them be such that you would not fear to
hear them read aloud before you, for more than this ' comcth of evil.' "
A ri.EASAX'1^ SURPRISE
431
432 LiyriER WKM INT..
Gramro and Orthography.
These should receive ni. t careful attention. "A great author is
one," according to Taine, " who, having passions, knows also his
dictionary and grammar." And a good letter-writer, as well, must
" know his dictionary and grammar" to render his missives presentable.
Grammatical errors are almost unpardonable, and a misspelled word
is an actual crime in these days of dictionaries. I'unctuation and
capitalization, too, must be looked after, and tile whole letter give
ev^idence of thought and care on tiie writer's part.
Handwriting, Paper and Ink
Are all of importance, and etiquette has prescribed certain formulas
for these adjuncts of a good letter, that, however the vagaries of
fishion nia>' invade the outer borders of the realm epistolary, are
always correct and in good style.
The paper in best taste is thick, white or creamy-tinted, unruled
and of such a size as to fold once for fitting sc|uare-shapetl envelopes,
creamy-white like the paper. Never use env^elopes so thin in (|ualit)'
as to permit the writing to be seen through from the outside. The
square envelope is not a necessity ; the slightly oblong is also used, the
paper being folded twice to fit this size.
This paper would be suitable and in perfect style in any portion of
the civilized world, and on any occasion, and no one with any preten-
sions to good breeding should be ft)und unsupplied. This is an item
in which we cannot afford to economize, for one judges a lady or
gentleman, unconsciously, by the contents of his or her writing desk,
as exemplified b\' the letters sent from their hands.
Monograms are not entirely "out," but they are only used by those
to whom their own especial design, through long use, has come to
seem almost a part of themselves. All fleeting fancies in stationery
should be pa.ssed by on the other side, or, at most, left to the way-
ward tastes of "sweet sixteen," or to some few whose very eccen-
tricities are part of their fame, Sarah Bernhardt, for instance, uses
LKT'lEk ARriLNG.
433
IVCORRECT MODE OP HOLDING
THK PEN.
blup paper framed in a pale ^ray line on the top of the pajrc, and the
flap of the envelope is a trai^ic mark, above whieh her initials are
traversed by a scroll bearing; her motto, '' (Juauc/ ;/ii/;h\" She is as
exact, however, in the formulas of her letters as any dowager of the
old school. The Royal Highnesses of England use the i)aper and
square envelopes before described ; initials, monograms and crests arc
left to foreigners and outsiders, and the Orleans family, of France, are
severely plain in their choice of stationery.
Given the correct paper and envelopes
and plain, jet-black ink (no other tint
should ever be used), the penmanship
must next be considered. It is very well
for Matlame Bernhardt to write an ele-
gant, graceful hand that is absolutely
impossible- to decipher, and for General
Bourb:iki to indite his epistles in a micro-
scopically minute script, but less impor-
tant people will do well to render their
chirography as perfect and legible as pos- proper mode of hoi.ding rv
sible, and not to flourish. pen.
Avoid always too near an approach
to the clerkly, commercial hand. A
talented foreigner once remarked to the
writer upon his astonishment at the pre-
dominance of this hand in America. " I
do not like it," he said; "the clerk sends correct position of thb hand.
me in my rates, the landlord my bill, and the young lady her reply to
my invitation, all in that same commercial hand. There is no indi-
viduality, no character, in such writing." And there was too much
reason in his remonstrance. We are not quite " a nation of shop-
keepers," and there is no reason why this business handwriting should
so permeate all classes of society.
The lines should be straight, and as ruled paper is not permissible
in formal notes, invitations or punctilious correspondence, savoring too
28
AU
LKITKR \VRITL\u.
nearly of the school-room and tlic cc^untin^-housc, some little practice
may be necessar\' to keep ihe liiiL-s even. Should this prove impos-
sible, let a shet.'t of paper with heavily ruled black lines that will show
through the writing paper, be kept in the desk and slipped beneath
the page as a guide. It may also be inserted in the envelope to keep
the superscription r address perfectly straight.
The lines sho' . be rather far apart, ami the fashionable hand just
now is not the jinted ICnglish style, but somewhat verging on tlie
large, rouP-I h id of the last century; the ladies, as a rule, indulging
in a rather masculine style.
Thin foreign note paper ma\'
be used for letters abroad, unless
the most formal. This is usually
ruled. So is the commercial
note used for business letters.
These forms answer for ladies
and gentlemen alike. There is
no particular objection to gen-
tlemen using in their informal
friendh" leiters, business note
with printed letter head, but
f )r C(.Temonious occasions they
must be bound by the fore-
going forms.
Very faintly perfumed paper is the prerogative of the ladies. Gen-
tlemen are denied this privilege and a lady avails herself of it with
discretion, selecting a favorite odor and adhering closely to it, so that
correspondents could tell her missives with closed eyes, by their very
fragrance.
Where black-edged paper and envelopes are used by persons in
mourning, the width of the black border varies according to the near-
ness of the deceased relative or the length of time since the loss,
though some never use more than the narrowest line of black, while
others still, with the most perfect propriety, discard it altogether. Its
PROPER POSrnON OK A LADV IN WRITING.
Li:rrEk WKiriNci.
43.1
use is a m itter of taste simply, and must cease so soon as the mourn-
in*j garb is dropped. Never be g'iilt\-, liowever, ofwritiiiL^ a letter of
conijratuiation on black-edged paper, even if in mournin;^- ; use plain
white for this purpose. At the same time, it is never necessary to
Avrite a letter of condolence on black-bordered paper, unless the writer
himself is in mourninLT.
The careful writing of a note or letter is a mark of respect to the
recipient, and blots, erasures and mended words should never be
IMPROPER POSITION.
PROPER POSITION.
permitted to disfigure it. Erasing cannot be done without marring
the entire page and a mended or rewritten word is an offense to the
eye. To copy the letter afresh is the only real remedy, and those
who value their own standing will not grudge the pains spent in the
composition of a letter that shall be a credit to the writer and a
pleasure to the receiver.
This comes under the general recomm jndation of doing everything
you do as it ought to be done. There should be no slipshod way of
writing a letter by which you are to be judged.
436 LETTER WRITING.
Figures and abbreviations arc often used. Few numerals are
allowable, except tlic dates, the street number and the hour of the
day. Very large sums of money are also stated in figures unless
they begin a sentence, when all numbers must be written out fully.
I'^igurcs are also preferable in uneven sums of money too long to be
written with one, or at most two words; per cent., as well, is rulable
in figures. Degrees should be either written "75°," or "seventy-
five degrees." Fractions, given alone, should be in words, and all
other numerals occurring in a letter must follow the same rule,
except quotations from stock and market reports. For extra pre-
caution, sometimes sums of money are written, followed b)' figures
representing the same, in parenthesis.
Common Abbreviations.
Abbreviations proper to social and formal letter-writing are few in
number. Honorary titles, such as Dr., Prof, Hon., Rev., Messrs.,
Esq., Capt., etc., are usually abbreviated a.s above, though very good
authorities advocate, and with much rciison, tlie use of the full word
" Reverend," as also the titles " Honorable" and " I'rofessor." The
scholastic titles arc also abbreviated by the proper initials, as A. M.,
AI. D., LL.l)., following the name. The names of months, of
states, tlie words " County " and "Tost Office," when used on the
superscription are also abbreviated.
The use of A. j\I., M., V. M., to mark the divisions of the day,
technical abbreviations, and the usual e. g., i. e., viz., etc., are too
familiar to the users to need mention. Further than the above,
brevity is /u>t alwa}'S the soul of wit.
The letter itself, as a whole, is now to be considered, and to facili-
tate its writinir there should be some one corner in everv home
devoted to this purpose. The incentive to letter-writing is always
damped, the happy thought we would send our friend takes flight, if
we must find the pens upstairs, the paper down, the ink bottle in the
pantry, empty or not, as the case may be, and our patience wherever
it may be after the search is ended.
LETTEU WRI TING.
437
L('tters would be more frequently written, more punctually answered,
and half the unreasonable dread of \vritin«^ done away with, were this
matter attended to properly. Let the writint^ desk stand in some
well-lighted corner of sitting, dining, or " mother's" room, and let i*"
A SCRAP OF A LETTER.
he scored with all articles necessary to the exigencies of correspond
ence Should the desk prove beyond the depth of the family purse,
then let its substitute be found in a firm, good-sized t ible or stand,
with a drawer where necessary supplies may be kept Two or more
438 T.ETIT.R WRITING.
sizes of note paper, unruled, with envelopes to match, for the elders of
the household ; writing tablets and commercial note, together with
plain envelopes, for the school-children and cvery'-day uses ; a good
dictionary, a tray with pen rack and inkstand thereon, and a goodly
supply of pens, will complete a corner that will do more toward the
family education in good breeding and culture than any other expen-
diture that can be made, and will render letter-writing the pleasure it
should be, instead of the dread it too often is.
If one possesses a permanent address, street, number and city may,
with great propriety, be engraved on the paper at the top of the sheet.
If this is not done the address should always be written clearly on all
letters. It is too much to expect one's friends to remember the priv^ate
addresses of all their correspondents, and time is too precious to be
spent searching out some missing letter in quest of street or number,
in dctault of which more than one letter has tjone imanswered.
The date of a letter, month, day, year and city is first in place
This should lie written on one line, beginning, according to length
more or less near the center of the sheet and ending at the right-hand
margin. In business letters, unless the printed letter head fixes the
place, this line should not be more than one-quarter down the page ;
while in social or formal letters it should be one-third the distance
down. If it should be desirable to give the county also, the date
may be allowed to occupy two or more lines, as follows :
Mendota, La Salle Co., III., May 29, 189 — .
In the same manner a city number and address may be given :
309 Post Street, Ottawa, III., January 30, 189 — .
In writing from hotels, the following form should be adopted :
The Arlington, Binghamton, N. Y., October 3, 189 -.
Some, in polite letter-writing, prefer to give the address at the con
elusion rather than the beginning of the letter. Under these circum-
stances the prescribed form would be:
Truly your friend. Mary N. Prescott.
Franklin Grove, Lee Co., ill., January 14, 189 — .
LFyriER WRrriNG. 430
There are several ways of writing the figures that compose the date
of a letter. Many business men and others use this form, 1—2— 189 — ,
or, 1/2/9 — ' for January 2, 189 — . Others still wou'd write as fol-
lows: Jan, 2nd, 1896. Taste and habit will decide the matter for each.
To give the name instead of the number of the month is, perhaps, more
elegant.
The address, supposing it to be a business lettcv would come ncxi
in order, beginning at the left-hand margin, nnd our letter would
stand thus :
TiproN, lov/.t, April i, 1S9.--
Mr. William H. Hill,
307 Wall Street, New York.
The salutation is a matter wherein there is g.Vr.t latitude of' usage.
In conformity with custom, some title is to b? used in addressing
correspondents, and this title differs grertly >.i accordance with the
degree of acquaintance, or friendship, with the party addressed. It
should always begin at the left of the page. In the business letter
just above, the form might be as follows :
Tipton, low ^, .\\m\ 1, 189 — .
Mr. William H. Hill,
307 Wall Street, New York.
Dear Sir : (or. Sir :)
Or, if there should be a finn name, the address i-ouU' be as follows:
Messrs. Williams & Hill, 307 Wall S.reet, Lew York.
Dear Sirs (or. Sirs : ) (or, CiKNiLEMEM :)
Again, if wished, the salutation miglit be ovaitted and the address
made to serve as title. Another form is this :
Mr. William H. Hill, 307 Wall Street, New York. Mr. Hill:
The following form, though causing an unpleasant repetition of thj
name, '"s often adopted in business letters to unmarried ladies, probably to
escape the problem that the choice of Miss or Madam offers to so many :
305 Beacon Street, Boston, Mas>., February 10, 189—,
Miss Marv Wright, Cherry Yalley, 111. Mis;: Wright :
440 LirriKR WRI 11\G.
Or, omitting the name, the simple address may be used. Ilo\v^
ever, there need not be the slightest difficulty in addre.Ss-filj^ an
unmarried lady, even should she be in her teens, as " M^^d^m," oi
** Dear Madam," it being a general term as applicable to wonvcn with-
out regard to age or condition, as "Sir" is to their brethren. This
will be easily seen when it is recollected that it is a donvation from
ma dame, my lady, and since our language is deficient iu any equiva-
lent term to the pretty French Madcuwiscllc, or the German, Fra'u-
Icin, and, as "Dear Miss" is obsolete, we must be co!'.'*ent to utilize
"Madam" on all necessary occasions. There is anotlii.r form much
used where the address is omitted :
305 Michigan Avknuk, Chicago, July 10^ 1S9 — .
Miss IIalstkad. J)kar Madam:
Or, if on friendly footing, simply: Dear Miss Halsteau :
If two young ladies ;ire to be addressed, the term "Misses" should
be used, as :
Havana, Ii.i,., February 2.", 1S9 — .
Misses Taylor iv: Watson, Stenographers,
159 Church Street, Rockford, 111. MKsnAV.tS:
The " Mesd.unes " may be omitted and the iiddress itsed alone, but
its addition indicates more polish. The translation ii " My Ladies."
Some substitute for it, simply " Ladies," which is quit: proper.
The prefix " Dear" may be omitted wherever desi. ?.blc, but never
write "J/j' dear Miss Halstead," "J/j/ dear Madam," or 'J/)' dear Sir,"
unless intimately acquainted.
In writing a social letter the address is omitted or a jded at close of
the letter. A gentleman in private or professional life would be
addressed as :
Frederic Guv, Esq. Dear Sir : (or, Sir:)
Or,
Hon. Frederic Guv. Dear Sir: (or, Sir:)
Respectfully yours, John Graceland.
The use of titles will be explained farther on, but here it may be
LETFER WRITING,. 441
said that two titles are very seldom cjivcn to the same individual ;it
once. For instance, never write Mr. Fred. Guy. Esq., nor Hon, Mr.
Fred. Guy. There are some exception^ to this rule, as where the
Rev. Mr. Churchill and the Hon. Mr, Brice are addressed under
circumstances where their Christian name is unknown, and where a
married lady makes use of her husband's title, as : Mrs. Capt. Jones ;
Mrs, Judge Snyder, and where the Rev. Prof. Dr. Kemj) shows by
his titles the weight of his learning. Never deny an individual tlie
titles that are rightfully lii;.. They sh> w that he has fought and
conquereJ men, or books, to win them, and they are the well-earned
meed of his endeav^or. But never, if \'(^u have titles, be guiltv of
bestowing them, on yourself; leave that for others.
A gentleman writing to a married ladv would address her in
friendly correspondence as, " Dear Mrs. Freueh," or, " My dear Mrs.
French." To an uianarricd lady, "Dear Miss French," or " My dear-
Miss French." A lady addresses a gentleman in the same fashion, as
"Dear Mr. Courtney," or " ]\Iy dear Mr. Courtney," or "Dear Dr.
Courtney."
The Proper Salutation.
Nearer degrees of intimacy, of course, formulate their own laws in
this reg.'ird, but even heri% be it s.iid, that discretion may be exercised
to adv^antage. It will also be observed that if the word "dear," or
any like term, begins the sadutation it is capitalized ; otherwise, not.
Thus: "My dear Friend;" not " My Dear Friend." Authorities on
etiquette differ somewhat on this score, different works in the author's
possession taking exactly opposite sides, the weight of evidence, how-
ever, falling on the form given here.
The complimentary conclusion, "Yours truly," "Very truly yours,"
"Very respectfully," etc., should begin about the middle of the page
on the next line below the body of the letter. The first word only
should be capitalized, and the expression followed by a comma. The
signature should come on the line below and end at the right-hand
margin of the page. The address also is sometimes, especially in
social notes given at the conclusion, where it should begui, one or twc?
442 LETTER WRITING.
lines below the sic^naturc, at the left-hand margin of the page, oecupy-
ing two or more lines, aeeording to its length, as:
Dear Miss Lothrop :
In reply to your kind note, I would say, ete.
Cordially jours,
Marion Kent.
2 Arcade Court, (^hicago, 111., October 5, 189 — .
Another ver\' formal stvde would be :
2\ Df.i.awakk Place, Buffat.o, N. Y., June i, 189 — .
Dear Miss Lothrop : In reply to your kind note, etc.
Truly ) ours,
Georc;e Haki.and.
To Miss Jiiia Lojiirop,
i!o Ueacon Street, I'oston, Mass.
The conclusion of a letter gives the writer fully as much latitude of
style as the salutation. Some graceful little phrase should follow the
subject-matter of the letter and lead up to the conclusion, thus:
I am, with love to the family, and remembrances to all
rny friends, You'-s cordially,
Mary Roe.
Salutation and conclusion should always correspond in formality or
friendliness with one another, thus: Mr. John Bright. Sir : would
appropriately conclude with : I am, sir, Respectfully yours, Frank B.
Foi^soM.
A friendly letter beginning: Dear Bright: or, Mv dear Bright:
would terminate thus : Cordially yours, Frank B. Folsom.
Other forms for closing business letters are: I am, respectfully,
James Ross. Or, Respectfully, James Ross.
These forms do away with the personal pronoun "Yours," which,
although custom has in reality rendered it a pure formality, still
retains a certain meaning in the mind^^ of some, as the rnan, who, in
a long correspondence with his wife-Liiat-was-to-be, never signed a
Jetter otherwise than "Truly yours," -'What more could I be," he
LETTER WRITING. 443
queried, "than hers truly, body and soul?" and with this foclin;^
could their married life have been other than it was, beautiful to look
upon ?
Never abbreviate the conclusion to "Yours, etc.;" it has too much
the careless, thankless sound of "Thanks," and neither can be suffi-
ciently condemned.
Letters bcj^inning, Mv dear Margaret : or, Mv dear Daughter:
might end, respectively: Ever yours, or. Your friend, Janic Brown.
And, Your .iffectionate mother, Gertrude IVIasox.
A gentleman, writing to a lady, could say : Very sincerely (or
respectfully) yours, P. II. Gould. Or, "Yours, with sincere regard,
IIenrv Gravsox.
The address need not be added unless the acquaintance is very
slight. At times a more elaborate closing is tlesirable and graceful, as
when the correspondent is very much higher in ;station, or older in
years, or you have been the recipient of some great favor at his or her
hands :
I am, dear madam, with the most protbund esteem,
Yours sincerely, Jamks Taliuvi.
Or, to a gentleman, imder like circumstances :
I have the honor to be, sir, \'oiirs most respectfully, J amks 'I'm, i-.or.
Such closings as "Obedient, humble servant," iirc quite too much
for Republican simplicity, and even in writing to no less a dignitary
than the President :
To THE President,
Sir :
Very respectfully,
James Taibot,
really fulfills all requirements, though one may consult his own taste
in making use of the two complimentary conclusions given above.
A lady in writing to a stranger should always suggest whether she
is married or single. This will prevent mistakes and annoyance, and
can be done in two ways. Respectfully, (Miss) Fraxces Clayton,
444 LETTER WRITING.
Or, more elaborately: Respectfully, Frances v^i.avto\. Address,
Miss Fran'CES Clavtox, 21 St. Caroline's Court, Chicago.
A lady never signs herself as Mrs. Helen B. Hayes, or Miss
Gertrude Vance, without, at least, putting the tiues in a parenthesis.
Primarily, a woman is Helen Hayes or Gertruae Vance, and should
sign herself as such. The "Miss" or "Mrs." signifies simply an
incident in her existence, and is added, as it were, in a note, to prevent
mistake on the part of others. A failure to observe this rule intlicates
a lack of culture. Neither does a gentleman ever sign himself Mr.
Brown, but George G. Brown, or G. G. Brown.
Use of the Husband's Name.
A married lady should always be addressed by her husband's name
preceded by " Mrs.," except in case of well-known names, such as
Mrs. Potter Palmer, or Mrs. Isabella B. Hooker. A widow is no
longer called by her husband's given name, but reverts to her own
christened cognomen, preceded by "Mrs." Thus, Mrs. James H.
Hayes in her widowhood is, to every one, ^Vlrs. Helen B. Hayes.
An exception to this would be in the case of such well-known names
as Abraham Lincoln, or James G. Blaine, where custom grants the
widow the right to bear the beloved title.
The superscription or address should be written plainly (if speed)'
delivery is expected) upon the lower half of the envelope, the flaj)
being at the top. The title and name form one line with about an
equal space at each end. The writing should be just below the middle
of the envelope. The street number, the name of the city and the
state each form a separate line, one below the other, and each she ''d
begin a little to the right of the one above, so that the last line will
approach nearly to the lower right-hand corner of the envelope. The
county or number of post office box may be given in the lower left-
hand corner. Where there is no street number the county, or even
the box number, may be wTitten directly beneath the name of the
town.
The stamp should be invariably placed squarely and right-side up
LETTER WRITIXG.
445
in the upper right-hand comer. A request for return in a given time
may be written, if necessary, in the upper left-haiul corner.
A physician is addressed thus: Dk. Alijkrt Vounc, Watseka,
Iowa. Or, Alijert Young, M. D., \Vatsek;i, Iowa.
In addressing the wife of a doctor the following formula may be
used : Mrs. Dk. Alijkrt Youxg, Watseka, Iowa.
The strictest etiquette, however, would involve writing: Mrs.
Albert Youxg, care of Dr. Albert Young, Watseka, Iowa.
Either of the above forms may be taken for addressing the wife ol
THE PLACE FOR STAMP AND SUPERSCRIPTION.
a professor, an army or United States official, a minister or a legal
dignitary, always remxmbering that the longer is more elegant, as :
Mrs. Melville B. Fuller, care of the Hon. Melville B. Fuller,
Chief Justice of the United States, Washington, D. C.
The President, however, would be addressed: To the President,
Executive Mansion, Washington, D. C.
This is the simplest form, and as such, in the best taste, but it is
sometimes written : To the President of the United States, Honorable
Ghover Cleveland.
446 .,Er'rF:R wRrriNv.,
" His Excellency" was formerly used in addressing the President
and the Governors of States, but it is largely abandoned as inconsis-
tent with the lack of titles in our countr}-. The same rule is observed
in writin<^ to the Governor of a State : To the Governor, Gubernatorial
Mansion, Springfield, 111. Or, To the Governor, Rouert 1*. MortoxN,
Albany, N. Y.
A member of the Cabinet : To the Honorable, the Secretary of the
Interior, VVashini^ton, D. C. A State official has the following
address: Dk, John C. Wvatt, Secretary of the State I^oard of Charity,
Springfield, 111. In addressing one person in care of another the
form would be: Mrs. John Draper, Grand de Tour, 111. Care Dr. I.
S. Prime.
A note to be delivered by a friend is always unsealed and usually
addressed: Miss Florence Waruem, Vassar College, Poughk'cepsie,
N. Y. Kindness of Mr. G. A. Rne)i)Es. A still better form is to
simply use the address of the person without farther preamble.
Always fold a letter sheet so that the opening lines face the reader
on unfoldint£.
Punctuation Marks.
Punctuation and capitalization are ver}' necessary matters in the art
of letter-writing, but in these days of common .schools, and all but
compulsory etlucation, it is to be supposed that some knowledge of
these important facts will ha\e been gaineti. It will not be amiss,
however, to mention a few of the most necessar}' rules.
The four chief punctuation points are the comma, semicolon, colon,
period. In the days of our grandmothers children were taught to
"mind their stops," with this rule for a guide: "Count one at a
comma, two at a semicolon, three at a colon, and four at a period, or
'full stop.'"
In punctuatitig the date, address, closing and superscription of a
letter, certain rules are necessary. One of these is that a period fol-
lows all abbreviations, such as those of title, state and county, and
separates and follows all initials, whether abbreviations of names or
titles ; while the slight pause occurring between such abbreviations is
LETIER VVKl'llNG. 44?
marked by a comma, and the end of the date, like the end of a sen-
tence, is closed b)' a period; for example : 540 West M.iin St., Ciales-
Durgh, 111. Or, Poughkecpsie, N. V., Jan. 10, 1 89 — .
A colon suggests something more to follow, hence in the salutation
of a letter we hnd a colon at the end. signifying that the body of the
Ltteris yet to come, as : "Dear Sir:" or, where the communication
begins on same line of salutation, we find both colon and dash, as :
" Dear Madame : — Yours of," etc. ■
Commas are used frequentl)' to divide long complex sentences, and
the sentence is somewhat further broken by the use of the semicolon
between its more decided .sections. .Vbraham Lincoln once said : "I
throw in a semicolon whenever I am at a loss what pause to use ; it
rdways fits."
The comj^limentary close of the letter is followed by a connna and
the signature by a period. A period also separates and follows two
or more ii.itials, as: Yours trul\', (Mrs.) Auei.ink D. T. \\'iiitm:v.
Writing the Superscription.
A very long complimentary conclusion should be punctuated, like a
sentence, as : 1 am, dear madam, with the most profound esteem,
Yours truly, Ja.mks T.vlhot,
The superscrii^tion on the tiu'clope is to be punctuated according 1(»
the above given rules. An interrogation i)oint (?) should be usetl at
the end of all questions. It is in truth, as the small boy said, "A
little crooked thing that asks questions." The exclamation point (!)
expressing astonishment, the dash and parenthesis, need only be
employed by those thoroughly understanding their use. Quotation
marks (" ") should ahvays be placed at the beginning and end of
words quoted from another; slang, or any fashionable "fad" if
written, should be quoted.
As for capitals, one should begin every sentence, all names of
persons and places, all appellations of the Deity, the first word of
every line of poetry, ;; td .lOW themselves in the pronoun "I," and
the exclamation "O,"
448 LETTER WRITING.
Scaling wax is to be used, or not, as inclination directs, but neatness
and skill are necessary in its use, ci' an unsightly blotch will result,
than which the self-sealing envelope is far preferable. A heavy
cream-white envelope sealed with a large, perfect seal of rich red, or
bronze-brown wax with a clear monogram or initial stamped thereon,
is always pleasing to the eye. To very slightly oil the seal will
prevent it adhering to the wax and thereby spoiling the impression.
In a foreign correspondence, the self-sealing env^elopes are better since
in tropical countries the great heat often melts the wax, and it is
always liable, during transportation in the holds of vessels, to become
cracked and loosened from the paper by the weight of other goods,
and close packing in the hold.
Final remarks are scarcely necessary, but it might be suggested that
it is rather fashionable to write one's full name, as more elegant than
initials. A lady never signs herself simply by initials. Mary
Creighton Cutter should so write her name, or, at least, Mary C.
Cutter. Ne\er M. C. Cutter. A gentleman is prixileged to do this
in business or formal letters, but in an)' others, instead of L. B. Ban-
croft he is Lucius Bright Bancroft or Lucius B. Bancroft.
Points to be Remembered.
Margins are no longer a necessity even in the most formal letters.
Sometimes in writing a long, friendly, not formal, letter, instead of
utilizing one side only of the paper, it is written across the sheet upon
the first and fourth pages, and then lengthwise upon the second and
third, though of course it is perfectly correct to write upon the pages
consecutively.
Tautology, or a continued repetition of the same word, is a disa-
greeable and inelegant fault in writing, as: "If John will come home,
we will all come, but i^ 'e fails to come, we will not come until he can
come also."
One other point remains to touch upon. Any one that has ever
glanced at the "Correspondence Column" of any paper will see how
often young women ask if it is i)roper to write to gentlemen who have
LETTER WRTTING. 449
requested the favor of corresponding with them, and which should
write first. This point is rightfully one that should be settled by the
mother or other guardian of the girl ; but let it be said here that while
this is the only country in the world where a so-called " friendly cor-
respondence" is or can be carried on between young men and young
women with, or without, any particular object in view, even here it is well
to be careful. Girls are sometimes a little too confidential, and all men
are not gentlemen, outward polish notwithstanding. A friendship too
easily won or too fully expressed is not always prized, and while manly
men are supposed never to boast of the number of their correspondents,
yet club-room walls, could they speak, would stamp many a man as
less than a gentleman.
Titles.
The proper use of titles forms an important item in letter-writing.
The slightest hesitancy on this point shows a lack of culture on the
part of the writer that lowers him at once in the eyes of the recipient.
The ordinary social titles used are simple and familiar. These are :
Mrs., Madam, Miss, for women; Mr., Esq., Messrs., Sir, for men, and
Master for boys.
Of course, in writing to an acquaintance, while the outer address
retains all its formality, the commencement will be whatever is war-
ranted by the degree of friendship between the parties.
Domestic Titles.
By the constitution of the United States it is provided that no titles
of nobility shall be granted by the government. Neither shall a
person holding a governme.ital ofiice accept any title from any king,
prince or foreign state, except express permission be given by Con-
gress. The President of the United States and the Governor of Massa-
chusetts are the only citizens possessing as officials a title by legisla-
tive act. This title is the same : "Excellency." Governors of other
states are given this title by courtesy only. However, this title may
be omitted at discretion, and indeed the simpler form given is far more
suited to our Republican simplicity of manners,
29
4o0 LETTER WRITING.
The following list will be found a complete guide in the use of all
honorary titles sanctioned by custom in the United States :
Ambassadors, Foreign, to the United States, are addressed officially
by the titles recognized in their own countries, and if they have no
title, as "Mr. ," followed by title of office. United States ambas-
sadors to foreign countries, officially as " Mr. " or " Hon, ,"
followed by title of office. There are but four ambassadors sent out
by the United States, the ministers to Russia and England having
been but lately invested with that title.
The Hon. John Jones, United States Ambassador to the United
Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, or to the Court of St. James.
Archbishop (Roman Catholic) — Letters addressed: "The Most
Reverend D.D., Archbishop of ."
Associate Justices — Addressed with: "Hon.," name and name of
office, but spoken of as Mr. Justice ."
Bishop — Addressed: "The Right Reverend D.D., Bishop of
." The address of Protestant Episcopal and Roman Catholic
Bishops is precisely the same. Bishops of the Methodist Episcopal
Church are addressed as the "Reverend Bishop , D.D."
Cabinet Members — Addressed as: " Honorable," usually contracted
to "Hon.," as: Hon. James Johnson, Secretary of State, Washing-
ton, D. C.
Cardinal (Roman Catholic) is addressed in writing, and spoken of
as : " His Eminence , Cardinal (Bishop, Priest, or Deacon,
according to rank) of the Holy Roman Church," spoken to as,
"Your Grace."
Chief Justice — Add.-essed as : " Hon. Chief Justice of the Supreme
Court of the United States."
Chief Justice's Wife — -Addressed as : " Mrs. Chief Justice -,**
by virtue of a social custom that is largely observed. This custom
does not extend to daughters.
Clergymen — Addressed as: "The Rev. ," spoken to as, "Mr.
." If a doctor of divinity, addressed as, " , D.D.," or
"The Reverend , D.D.," and spoken to or of as, "Dr. —
ft
LETTER WRITING. 451
College Degrees. — All recipients of regular or honorary degrees
should be addressed by name followed by abbreviation of degree ;
A.B., A.M., Ph.D., M.D., D.D., as, " , A.B."
Congress, members of — Addressed : " Hon. , M.C."
Esquire. — ^Justice of the peace, as well as some grades of lawyers,
are addressed in writing and spoken of as " , Esq." Any gentle-
man may be so addressed, but " Mr." is preferable.
Government — Official communications from — Always begin " Sir."
Governor. — Mu^ be addressed as " His Excellency the Governor of
." Spoken to, " Your Excellency." See, also, other forms given
before.
Governor s wife is by courtesy addressed, " Mrs. Governor .'*
This usuage does not apply to daughters.
Judges — Addressed by courtesy with the title, " Honorable," con-
tracted to '* Hon.," and the name of the office usually follows, as :
'' Hon. , U. S. Senate."
Legislature, members of. — Address as, " Hon. ," followed by
name of office.
Mayor. — "The Hon. Mr. , Mayor of ."
Minister, American — Addressed as : '' Hon. , American (or U. S.)
Minister to France."
Municipal Councils, members of. — Courtesy grants the title "Hon-
orable."
Officers of Army and Navy. — Addressed by name, followed by title
of highest rank attained, and, if in command of a military division,
naval squaoron or station, or on retired list, by a signification of the
fact, as: " , Major General U. S. A., Commanding Military
Division of the Atlantic ;" " , Rear Admiral U. S. N., Com-
manding European Squadron ;" " , General U. S. A.,
Retired."
President. — Addressed as " His Excellency the President of thd
United States." Spoken to as, "Your Excellency"
President's Wife. — Addressed by courtesy, " Mrs. President "
Usage does not apply to daughters.
LORD CHESTERFIELD says in those inimitable letters to his
son, that •' style is the dress of thoughts, and let them be ever
so just, if your style is homely, coarse and vulgar, they will
appear to as much disadvantage as your person, though ever so well
proportioned, would if dressed in rags, dirt and tatters."
So true is this that graceful commonplaces, either spoken or written,
are far more apt to produce a pleasing impression than weighLi?r
matter awkwardly uttered, or uncouthly expressed. Hence, the
length and familiarity of the friendly epistle should never be carried
into the short, concisely worded business letter, while the social note,
though brief, should differ greatly in its gracefully turned phrases from
the formal note of acceptance, regret, application, or introduction.
The following forms are to be looked upon, not as copies, but
chiefly as suggestions that may be used to solve some doubtful point.
Social and Friendly Letters.
These are less subject to rule than any other class, and the models
here given are simply to show how flowing and easy the style may be
between friend and friend, or how gracious and instructive from parent
to child. In the friendly letter great freedom of detail is allowable,
especially among near relatives. "You do not tell me half enough,"
writes H. H. from Europe. " I even want to know if the front gate
is off its hinges." But do not render a friendly letter so long as to
tax the patience of the reader. "Samivel Veller" discovered one of
the secrets of letter- writing when he made that famous love letter of
his short, "so she vill vish there vos more of it." Neither railing,
452
FORMS FOR LETTERS. 458
nor fretfulness, nor too great egotism, is wise in letter-writing, for
written words have a sad fashion of outlasting the mood in which they
were penned, nay, even the hand that penned them.
Letters of Introduction.
These are left unsealed, that the bearer may be permitted to read
the contents. They are brief, so that if read in the presence of the
person introduced, the slight embarrassment ma^^ be shortened as
much as possible. They usually contain a reference to the occupation
or character of the individual in order that some slight clue may be
given to the recipient in beginning a conversation, and usually conclude
with some pleasant, complimentary phrase.
One simple form would be :
,, ,, ,. EvANSTON, Tanuary i, i8o — .
My dear Miss Kimberlin: •' j y j
This letter will introduce to you my friend, Mr. Otis Van Orin, a member
of the Corps of Civil Engineers, to be located near your home for several
months during a partial survey of the new railroad. May I not be assured
that you will extend to him some of the hospitalities of your delightful
home, thus being to him that ** friend at court" so desirable to the
stranger in a strange land? Trusting that this will be the case, I am.
Very sincerely yours,
Charles H. Calcraft.
Another, from a mother introducing her daughter to an old friend.
would read:
T^ „ Waterbury, Conn., March lo, i8g — .
Dear Frances: > j > y
My daughter Madge will present this letter in person, as she is about to
enter school in your town for a several years' course of study. Under
these circumstances, and in memory of our own lifelong friendship, may I
not ask that you will help her to forget some of the sorrow of this, the
first parting her happy, young life has known ? Trusting that you will do
this for the sake of auld lang syne,
I am, as ever, your friend,
Mrs. Frances H. Page, Margaret M. Blatchford.
Portland, Me.
454 FORMS FOR LETTERS.
A still briefer form would be :
T^x, „ T-», ., Baltimore, Md., November 20, 180 — .
Dear Denton: ' ' ' -'
My friend, Louis Ross, will present this note. Any kindness you may
show him will confer a favor upon
Yours tmly.
To Mr. James Denton, Frank P. Breckenridge.
Ottumwa, 111.
The envelope to a letter of introduction should be addressed as
follows : ^jj^ j^j^jj^^ Denton, Ottumwa, 111.
Introducing Mr. Louis R.oss,
Letters of introduction should not be sent indiscriminately, as no one
has a right to force a possibly undesirable acquaintance upon a friend,
while, at the same time, the individual asking such a favor should be
thoroughly convinced that he is entitled to the privilege. Letters of
introduction, where they are between ladies, may be left by the caller,
together with her card. She must not, however, ask to see the lady
of the house, who is expected, shortly after the receipt of such a
missive, to call in person, and should endeavor, during her stay, to
include her in a portion of her social plans for the season ; circum-
stances, of course, governing the extent to which these attentions
should be carried.
A gentleman, in presenting a letter of introduction to a lady, may,
if she should be at home, make his first call when sending in his letter
and card, whereon should be designated his hotel or place of resi-
dence. If this should not be the case, she will answer by sending her
card with her reception day engraved upon it, or, if that be too far
distant, a note, stating when he may call, should be sent ; it may also
be expected that her husband, son or brother will call upon him and
offer what civilities are at command. Even should neither card nor
note be sent, it is still permitted him to call once more. His respon-
sibility ceases here, and if no attention follows he may conclude his
friend has overstepped the limits of a slight acquaintance in giving him
the letter of introduction.
FORMS FOR LETTERS. 455
A Letter of Recommendation
to some position or appointment is very much the same as one of
introduction. Its reception, however, does not necessitate social
attentions. The form is very simple :
644 Broadway, Nkw York, November 22, 189 — .
Dear Mr. Hn.L:
Recognizing, as I do, that your position in commercial circles; will give
your influence great weight, I take it upon myself to introduce to you
Mr. Philip Palmer, a graduate of one of the best business colleges in New
York City, and a young man of integrity and capacity. Any rec Timen-
dations which you can grant him will be looked upon as a favor by
Your friend.
To William Hill, Milton Jones.
Elmira, N. Y.
A <^eneral letter of introduction, intended for the perusal of
strangers, wouKl read somewhat as follows:
To 70)10 in it may ccih-cni :
This is to certify that the bearer of this letter. Miss Marietta Hope, was
graduated with high honors from Vassar College, and has since taught in
the schools of this city. As her principal for a number of months, I can
truthfully recommend her as capable of filling any position for which she
may apply. James H. Blanchard,
Principal of Livingston School
New York City.
Letters of Condolence
should be written very soon after the occurrence of the sorrowful
event, and, while brief, should not be cold and formal ; neither should
they touch the opposite extreme, and, by dwelling with maddening
iteration upon the fresh sorrow, harrow anew the stricken soul of the
mourner. The occasion should never be seized upon as a text for a
sermon on resignation, nor should frequent reference be made to
various like bereavements suffered by the writer. These comparisons
only wound^ for "there is no sorrow like unto my sorrow," has ever
456 FORMS FOR LETTF:RS.
been the cry of the stricken soul. And when friends have done their
little all, each mourner still feels the truth of Lowell's lines :
"Condole if you will, I can bear it,
'Tis the well-meant alms of breath,
Yet all of the preachings since Adam
Cannot make Death other than Death."
Yet friends cannot deny themselves the privilege of a few loving
words, and a letter on the loss of a beloved daughter might be as
follows :
T.. ,, o Cape May, June i, 180 — .
My dear Mrs. Sutherland: ' -^ ' y
I cannot resist my desire to write you a few words of love and sorrow ;
only a few, for my heart is full and words seem very weak. Thank God,
my friend, for the nineteen beautiful years that ended that morning in May.
If you could but know how sweet and tender a recollection she has left
enshrined in the hearts of her friends, and all the loving, gracious utter-
ances that are offered to her memory ! It is well with Alice in heaven ;
that it may be well with you on earth, in the days that are to come, is i\y
prayer of Your loving friend,
Marie.
To a friend who has sustained a financial loss might be written :
-, -n ToNAWANDA, N. Y., November 12, iSg — .
My dear Blake : ' ' ' ^
The first announcement that I had of your severe financial loss was
through the morning paper. I can only express my sorrow at the event:
and my indignation over the falsity of the cashier in whom you placed so
much confidence.
Hoping that you have employed the best of detective skill, and that you
will succeed in recovering a portion, at least, of the sequestrated funds, I am.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Fletcher Blake, George G. Parsons.
President of the First National Bank, Aurora, Minn.
It must be remembered that letters of condolence, unlike those of
congratulation, are not expected to receive an early answer, and, in
case of very deep affliction, may remain seemingly unnoticed, savu
perhaps, after a time, by cards of thanks,
FORMS FOR LETTERS. 457
Letters of Congratulation
should be sent immediately upon the occurrence of the fortunate
event that calls forth congratulatory wishes; they should be brief,
gracefully worded and contain no mention of other matter. The
occasions in life that call forth such missives are numerous : birthdays,
engagements, marriages, anniversaries, business successes, etc., each,
or all, should win some congratulatory notice. The formal congratu-
lation is in set terms, usually written in the third person, and may bf
used between individuals but slightly acquaintetl ; for example :
Mr. and Mrs. Stuart congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Fielding upon the succesfi
ful conclusion of Mr. Harold Fielding's college course and express the
pleasure with which they listened to the delivery of his eloquent oration on
Commencement Day.
8 1 St. Caroline's Court, July i, 189 — .
This, in common with all congratulatory letters, should be replied
to at once, and, wherever any missive is written in the third person,
the reply must follow the same fashion. An appropriate answer fa
the above form would be :
Mr. and Mrs. Fielding unite in sending thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Stuar*
for kindly praise awarded their son Harold on the late important event Li
his life, and also for the exquisite flowers they sent to grace the occasion.
891 Michigan Avenue, July 2, 189 — .
A friendly congratulation in the first person is less stately, as, for
instance, one friend might congratulate another upon his marriage :
T^ , Georgetown, D. C, January 10, 180 — .
Df:ar Jack: ' •' j ^ j
"And so they were married and lived happy ever after," of course. At
least, that is what you and Mrs. Julia anticipate at this present time, and is
what I, knowing you both, do confidently predict. Accept my heartfelt
congratulations, and believe me
Your true friend.
To John Myers, Esq., Richard Doe.
Yankton, Da.
458 FORMS FOR LETTERS.
Answer to the foregoing might be :
Yankton, Da., January 20, 189 — .
Dear Dick:
Julia and I received your r.ongratulations with pleasure, my only regret
being that I cannot return them in kind.
" Gather roses while ye may,
Old Time's a-flying."
A word to the wise, etc. , and let me speedly have occasion to felicitate
you in like manner.
Your friend and well-wisher,
John Myers.
Mr. Richard Doe,
Georgetown, D. C.
It should be mentioned here that while one congratulates a gentle-
man upon his engagement, or marriage, and may congratulate his
parents upon the same occasion, it is inadmissible to congratulate a
lady on a similar event, or to extend the congratulations to her parents.
Well-bred mothers have been known to resent this solecism keenly.
You may, and indeed are expected to, offer to her, and her parents,
all manner of good wishes for future happiness, but be sure not to
congratulate.
Almost any success, or pleasant happiness in life, may be made the
subject of a congratulatory letter, but a multiplicity of forms is
unnecessary here.
Proposals, Engagements, " Naming the Day,"
And other letters of this description are importent affairs that may all
be transacted through the medium of correspondence, but it is to be
hoped that a matter so closely personal will quicken the imagination
and inspire the pen of the dullest swain.
Let him woo his Dulcinea swiftly and tempestuously, as King Hai
wooed Kate, or let him serve twice seven years as Jacob served for
Rachel, but let him never search out printed forms whereby to declare
b\s passion : nor ftt the nieg,sure of his love to the lines of the " Mod^l
FORMS FOR LETTERS. 459
Letter- Writer." As to "naming tlie day," 'twere a wordless lover
indeed who could not say, as the poet says :
"Sun comes, moon comes,
Time slips away.
Sun sets, moon sets,
Love, fix a day."
The note has become a factor in modern social life. We send a
note when we send a gift, when we ask a favor, when we acknowledge
a favor, when we offer an apology, when we postpone an engagement,
and when we give, accept, or refuse an informal invitation. Those
forms will be given here for reference, excepting those pertaining to
invitations, which are discussed in their place.
Notes Accompanying a Gift
should be brief, prettily worded,, and strictly confined to the subject in
hand ; for instance, a gentleman sending flowers to a lady might say :
Mr. Irwin, hearing Miss St. John express a preference for roses, hopes
that he may ha\e the pleasure of seeing her wearing the accompanying
cluster this evening at the Opera.
91 Ashland Boulevard, October 2d.
The wearing of the flowers would be all the answer required by
this note.
With a birthday gift an appropriately worded note would be as
follows:
p,, TVT At Home, August ist.
Dear Nettie: ' =•
Remembering that your birthday is at hand, I send you this little painting
as a token of my love, together with wishes for many happy returns of this day.
Your friend,
Marie St. John.
These little notes should always receive an answer, as, for instance,
this last might be appropriately replied to thus :
,, , , 612 Corson Street, August 2, i8q — .
My DEAR Marie: ■^ » & » y
You cannot think with what delight I received your beautiful birthday
460 FORMS FOR LETTEB.
gift, rendered tenfold dearer by the knowledge that it is the handiwork of
my friend. With many thanks,
I am, as ever, yonis,
Wettie D. Caton.
Notes of Apology
are a frequent necessit}'. They should be wntten with promptness,
evince a repentant spirit, and should be acknovdeaged pleasantly and
forgivingly. Always remember in such a note to explain the cause
rendering the apology necessary. For instance, an unfulfilled engage-
ment might be apologized for thus :
Dear Miss Mason :
I cannot sufificiently regret that I was unfortunately prevented from keep
ing my engagement to drive with you on Wednesday. An important tele-
gram, received but a moment before the time set for our "outing," left
me but a brief Rve minutes to catch the first train for R , where affairs,
permitting no delay, awaited my attention.
Dare I hope that I have your pardon for so great a seeming negligence ?
Very respectfully yours,
John H. Curran.
This note being written in the first person will be replied to in the
same manner by the recipient :
Mr. Curran (or. Dear Mr. Curran, according to the degree of famiHarity) :
I accept your apology as quite sufficient, and beg that you will give your-
self no further uneasiness over so unavoidable an occurrence.
I am, sincerely,
Gertrude Mason.
Notes of Postponement
are always to be sent when the necessity arises for deferring any social
gathering. Write them promptly, and explain the unavoidable reasons
for the postponement ; for example :
Dear Mrs. Briggs :
It is with great regret that I inform you that our exhibition of private
theatricals is indefinitely postponed on account of the sudden and serious
iilness of Miss Hope I^dyard, who was the chief star of our little company.
FORMS FOR T.ETIT.RS. 461
The "Lady of Lyons," with the "I^dy" left out, would be like ** Ham-
let," with the noble Dane missing, an impossible performance; and, as
there was no one else so capable of filling the part as Miss Ledyard, we are
resolved to await her recovery. Your friend,
Elizabeth Stuart.
Notes of Request or Refusal
are frequently necessary, but care should be taken neither to make
an unreasonable request, nor to return an unjustifiable refusal. Should
denial seem imperative, strive to imitate that English statesman who
could refuse more gracefully than others could grant. The following
examples will suffice:
Dear Mrs. Winterblossom:
You remember the little picture, a Sunset View, that I admired so much
the ether evening at your home? Would you have any objection to lend-
ing it to me for a copy?
Should you have even a shadow of dislike toward my proposition, do not
jesitate to refuse at once. So many people are averse, and justly so, to
having their paintings duplicated that I feel my request almost an imperti-
nence. Believe me, truly yours,
EuiTH Granger.
Refusal to the same :
My dear Mi3s Granger:
I dread to ax.sv;er your note, since it must be a refusal of your request, for
the little painting is the property of a friend of mine, who has left it,
together with a few others, in my care during her tour in Europe. The fact
that she has a morbid dislike to having duplicate copies made of her pictures,
forces me to deny a request that, were the painting in question mine, I
would gladly grant. Sincerely your friend,
Helen Winterblossom.
Business Letters
need especial care in writing. They are to be read by men with
whom time is precious and the dem.ands upon it numerous. Hence
Uiey should be brief, clearly worded and straight to the point. Such
462 FORMS FOR LETTERS.
a letter is much more certain of speedy attention and prompt returns
than the rambling, incoherent missive of the unaccustomed writer. If
you want ten yards of ribbon of a certain color and qaality, say so,
but do not lose the order in a maze of irrelevant matter ; for instance :
Messrs. Blank & Co. Mendota, 111., April 4, 189—
Please send me:
10 yards of black silk, at $1 per yard $10 00
14 yards of green cashmere, at 75c. per yard 10 50
I pair black kid gloves i 50
I pair tan kid gloves, undressed 2 00
Total $23 00
Enclosed find money order for the above amount. Goods to be sent by
American Express. By filling the above order quickly as possible, you will
greatly oblige, Marv McNett.
Address: Mrs. W. D. McNett, Mendota, 111.
If there is any special reason for filling an order hastily, such as a
birthday gift or wedding present, mention the fact briefly, and care will
be taken that it is sent in time. Always make use of money order,
draft or registered letter, when sending other than very small amounts
of money by mail. Should you have anything to say in such a letter
aside from the affair in hand, attend first and briefly to the matter of
business, and then add whatever remarks may seem necessary.
Answers to Advertisements
should also be concisely worded, as for example :
,, ^ r. 61 Delaware Place, February 10, 180 — .
Mrs. General Channing: ' ^ v» y
Seeing your advertisement for a governess in to-day's ** Herald," I wish
to inform you that I am a graduate of Wellesley, and have, for the two
years since being graduated, taught French and German in the college.
Any references which you may desire as to my efficiency for completing
the education of your daughter will be furnished you by the College Faculty
Hoping to hear favorably from you,
I am, respectfully,
(Miss) Elizabeth Stuart.
r
FORMS FOR I.ETTERS. 463
A letter of inquiry might be something as follows :
Dr. J. H. Gratiot:
In making some inquiries relative to the present residence of a fnend of
mine, Miss Grace Gage, a mutual acquaintance of ours, Mrs. Emmons B.
Corthell, of this place, gave me your address, suggesting that you could
afford me the desired information.
This being the case, would you be so kind as to send the lady's present
address, or, by handing her this note, permit her | ersonally to furnish the
desired information. Any communication addressed, from now on, to 1267
Madison Avenue, will find and greatly oblige,
(Miss) Kate G. Cox.
A letter of resignation, being a rather formal document, should be
worded very much as follows :
To the Directors of the Owatouna Public Library .
Gentlemen: I hereby tender my resignation of the Librarianship of the
Owatonna Public Library, said resignation to take effect on the day of
189—.
'I'hanking you for the kindness and thoughtfulness with which you have
acceded to my wishes and recjuests during my late term of office,
I am, lespectfully,
George H. Graham.
Owatonna, Minn., August i, 189 — .
Some Don'ts and Do's for Letter-Writers.
Don't write an anonymous letter; it is a cowardly stab in the dark.
Don't pay any attention to an anonyn^ous letter; it is not worth
your regard.
Don't conduct private correspondence on a postal card. Many
persons consider this an insult. A purely business message may be
thus .sent, but even then the slight saving in po.^tage is small recom-
pense for the delay so often attending the delivery of postal cards.
Don't use a postscript ; it is unnecessary, old-fashioned, school-
girlish, and in a particular, punctilious letter the omission of any
important matter necessitates the rewriting of the entire letter rather
than the use of a postscript. In very friendly letters one may be per
464 FORMS FOR LE TIERS.
mittcd to add the forgotten paragraph in the form of a postscript,
omitting, however, the obsolete abbreviation, "P. S."
Don't write on a half-sheet of paper unless the nature of the cor-
respondence permits the use of the ordinary business letter-head. If
the note is short, write only on one side of the paper, but don't tear a
sheet in half for economy's sake. The rough, torn edges, denote
haste, ill-breeding, or carelessness on the part of the writer.
Don't use tablet paper for ceremonious letters.
Don't write on both sides of the paper to any but very intimate
friends or relatives, they being disposed to tolerate slight departures
from formality on our part.
Don't meddle with foreign nouns or verbs unless conversant with
the language itself; incorrect and ungrammatical usage is too apt to
be the unhappy result. Even foreign names and titles should not be
used without the exactcst care as to their orthography and applica-
tion.
This rule should be especially remembered with reference to all
matters destined to pass through hands editorial.
Don't erase misspelled words in letters of any moment. Recopy
the entire missive.
Don't quote too constantly.
Don't underscore your words, unless they express something very
important.
Don't send enclosures in a letter written by someone else; only the
greatest intimacy can excuse this practice. Write your own letters
and send in a separate envelope.
Don't write a letter in a towering passion ; you would not care to
have it confront you in some cooler moment.
Don't cross the writing in your letters. Life is too short and the
time and eyesight of your correspondent too precious for this.
Don't fill up every available blank space and margin of your letter
with forgotten messages. If these are very valuable, add an extra
sheet to your letter, thus saving its appearance and the patience of its
recipient.
FORMS FOR LE rXERS. 465
Don't divide a syllable at the end of a line. The printer may do
this, not the letter-writer.
Don't fall into the habit of usin^j ^ong words in a letter, they show
a straining after effect. One should "say," rather than "observe,"
"talk," rather than "converse," if one's missives are to be easy, well-
bred and readable.
Don't refold a letter, the marks always remain to show your care-
lessness. Fold it correctly the first time.
Do remember to answer all important questions in a letter clearly
and decisively.
Do bum the great majorit}' of your letters after answering. Those
that are to be kept should be filed away in packages adding date and
writer's name on corner of envelope and by a word or two suggesting
the topics with which they deal. This will save time in referring to
them.
Do answer your friendly letters with reasonable promptness. To
do otherwise is a breach of eticjuette. An unanswered letter is an
insult, a cut direct. Business letters, of course, must be replied to
at once.
Do send a postage stamp when \'ou write a letter of inquir)', the
answer to which is of interest only to yourself .V stamped and
addressed envelope would be a still better enclosure.
Do, if you arc an absent son or daughter, write home promptl)' and
regularly; the comfort this will be to the parents at home, and the
pain they suffer at any negligence on your part, cannot be overesti-
mated. Husbands and wives, when separated for a time, would do
well to follow this same advice.
Do date your letters carefully. F^vents and proofs of the greatest
importance have hung upon the date of a single letter.
Do put sufficient stamps upon a letter to make sure of no extra
postage falling to the lot of your correspondent.
Do put your address plainly in all letters. This ensures a prompt
answer and, in case of miscarriage, a speedy return from the Dead-
Letter Office.
■m
466
POKMS FOR LETTERS.
Do, if a business man or woman, have your address on the outside
of youi' envelope. This vvill m.ike sure of your uncalled-for letters
returning to you immediately. It is Wf^ll to do this in any case where
a little uncertain as to the exact address of your correspondent.
Do read your letters over carefully before sending, that no errors
may be overlooked.
Do give every subject a separate paragraph instead of running the
whole letter, social items and sentiment, all into one indistinguishable
whole.
Do begin the first line of each paragraph, at least, one inch frorr
:he margin of the page.
rfiSS2»S£SSffl
immiiimimiMi .i iiniiim.iti.
7i««i
Artistic tioiiie DMiiiiii
43^5^1-^1 V^' /TAHE greatest art work the individual has
A^^^B^?!^"^" 1 to do is the buildin<r of a home. "A
}W^^^^/ small and inexpensive house may be
the House Beautiful," says Edmund Russell.
A famous architect once wrote that he could furnish
I a plan for a house of a given size and cost without
knowing whether the owner was a millionaire or a day
laborer. But if he wanted a /lome the case v, as different. " I desire
then to know his antecedents, how he made his money, the size of
his famil}', the number of his servants, and how his daughters spend
their time : whether they are domestic, musical, literary or stylish.
I want to know the number and quality of his guests, whether ho
drinks wine with his dinner, and his views on sanitary questions ; for
this home-building is not mere spending, it is the shaping of human
destiny."
In a home things must be beautiful and true and good, and as a
celebrated art critic says, " related to us, belonging to us, expressing
us at our best ; our taste and culture, our personal likings, our com--
.'brts and needs, and not merely the high-tide mark of our purses."
Fireplaces and Windows.
We are all of us by nature fire worshipers and the altar of every
home is, or should be, the glowing, open fire. Next to this are the
great, clear windows meant to admit the glorious glances of the fire
worshiper's sun.
As to the first, " if you can have but one, the house or the fireplace^
give up the house and keep the fire. If you wish to test the sound-
ness of this advice, build a house, furnish it extravagantly and supply
4G7
408
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
furnace heat to all but one room, and in that room build upon an
ample hearth a gk wing- fire of hickory logs, and in the presence of
that genial blaze, upon the bare floor of that unfurnished room, will
gather the united household." The broader this family hearth the
better. The old English baronial halls with their mighty fireplaces
and their great stone hearths had more of light and beauty than all
ou) modern improvements.
^,^^^^;^==^
ARTISTIC FIKEFLACF.
Next come the broad, open windows, l^etter one window five feet
wide than two of two and a half feet. IV'tter for light, warmth or
interior fijrnishing-, and better for the illuminating effect upon the
whole apaitment.
Stairways.
Stairs are a necessity, and their comfort and sightliness depend on
several features. Steps must be broad and deep, landings wide and
windowed, if may be. If they must be crowded into a narrow hall-
way it is better that they be made deep and sloping as space permits,
and then inclosed with an archway and curtain at foot instead of a
door. This also saves heat. But where the great square reception
hall can be devoted to them they may be made a thing of beauty.
THE LOVKR-R TALH
\RTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
4G0
Woodwork.
Says one writer, "There is a widespread illusion gone out tlirough
the world that to have everything m a dwelling ' finished in hard
wood throughout,' as the advertisements say, is the only orthodox
thing. Paint smells of turpentine and heresy." In this respect it is
useless to deny that there is solid comfort in the permanency and
genuineness of oak, walnut, or ash, that paint is powerless to give.
But the natural color of woods in many cases may fail to harmonize
with the scheme of color to
be carried out in the fur-
nishings of the apartment.
In such case, the wood-
work should be subjected to
delicate, harmonious, painted
tints, or polish or gilding, as
the case may be.
There is a great variety oi
woods from which we may
choose, but to obtain from
them the finer shadings and
combinations of color is dif-
ficult, not to say impossible.
There is no necessity for
making the woodwork that
is to be painted unnecessarily substantial or elaborate. Woods such
as white maple, holly, poplar, for the light effects ; black birch, cherry,
mahogany, for darker.
"One fallacy among people," says an architect, "is an immovable
faith that the first duty of a human apartment is to look as high as
possible. A cathedral, or the rotunda of the Capitol, must have
height to produce an overpowering effect. But in an ordinary room
of ordinary size, comfort, convenience and prettiness are more to be
sought after than height."
WINDOW DECORATION.
470
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
Ordinary woodwork mu.st be painted in such shades as will debar
it from occupying the prominent position to which positive beauty is
alone entitled. Give it a similarity to the ground of the paper, but a
little darker, and the rounded surface of any fancy moldings, a shade
or two darker. Paint the doors the same, except the panels, which
CMfC^drtKCO
TfLT^y l">e decorated, in which case they must be painted the tint of the
furniture as a background for the design. This may be very simple,
a band of color, a vine in outline or flat color. Trace the outline of
wild vines, or ferns, anything graceful. Originality is not demanded.
There are good reasons why window casings should start from floor
or base, since in this way a visible means of support is griven to the
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 471
entire window, wiiicli otherwise has a suspended, insecure look. The
panel underneath may be of wood or plaster.
Doors.
Doors are the greatest problem in a room. They monopolize the
space on the floor and wall that should be free for pictures and large
articles of furniture, and otherwise completely demoralize the apart-
ment. To do away with this inconvenience substitute heavy curtains
whenever an impassable barrier is unnecessary ; closet doors, for
instance, and those between parlors. Again, doors that are much
open may be made to slide into the walls. Then, for ornament and
as a screen, the doorway may be furnished with hangings, costly or
not, as the purse may dictate.
The outer doors are intended ;is a Icfense from intrusion from
without. It is not really good taste to have these doors of plate
glass as that militates against the primal idea of strength and protection.
A Door Divan.
Chairs and sofas we have without end in variety and beauty. Every
alcove and nook in every possible sort of room has been thought of
and provided for except the one place that exists in almost every
house and is the one place where people are always wanting to sit —
that is the doorway itself. Folding doors between communicating
rooms are seldom closed. An ordinary chair within a few feet of the
soace never looks well. It shows its back to one room or the other
and is in the way.
A divan is an addition to any decorative arrangement of either
room. It does not interfere with any graceful drapery that may be
arranged at the door. It is decidedly useful, convenient and gives a
certain touch of the unusual to tl e room.
An Improvised Bookcase.
A superfluous doorway or window too often mars the effect of a
room, and the present day architecture, as found in cheap apartments
and houses, frequently abounds in this sort of generosity.
^"2 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
To surmouiit the difficulty a very useful inclosurc can be constructed
by placing two uprights and a few shelves within the door jamb, or
against it, as the case may be. Staining or painting them to match
the rest of the woodwork is a small matter, while arranging brass rods
and pretty curtains is not much more.
Screens.
Screens are a necessary object of household adornment. It is not
requisite that they should be expensive, but the uses to which they
can be put are legion. A plain frame of hard wood, or pine stained,
rectangular, three or four inches wide and one inch thick, furnished
with feet, and Vvith or without castors, is all that is necessary. Cover-
ing may be done with a great variety of materials, cheap or dear.
Ornamentation may be applied, embroidered, sketched, outlined, or
painted. If the screen is made in two or three parts to fold like
clothes bars, feet will not be necessary.
A rustic fire-screen is a unique affair, handsome and useful where
there are open fires, as a shield from heat in cold weather, and as a
screen for the emptiness of grate or fireplace during the summer. It
is formed from natural branches, two straight and two crotched ones,
from which all the smaller branches and twigs have been cut away so
as to have but little more than protruding knots. When these are
well seasoned, rub, brush and rebrush, both with a soft brush and a
stiff one, to remove from every crevice in the bark every loose particle
of moss and dust. Then, with liquid gold, gild the bark all over, or
if preferred, gild only the bare wood where it is exposed at the ends
and where the limbs are cut of, and give a touch of gold to every
crack or protuberance, or, if a smoother finish is desired, remove all
of the bark and smoothly gild or enamel the whole surface.
The screen, suspended from the upper crosspiece, is a fringed silk
rug woven on a hand loom, as old-fashioned carpets were woven. It
falls freely from the top, its own weight keeping it in place, but it
might be tied to the standards — half way down and at the upper cor-
ners — with bows of braid, soft ribbon or with heavy tassel-tipped
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
473
cords, or a smaller rug without fringe might be suspended by gilt
rings and finished at the bottom with a row of tassels in mingled
shades.
In a small apartment, where the radiator is an objection, hang on
the wall over it a large picture, placing before the unsightly heater a
screen of not too high dimensions. If a space is too large for your
picture, hang on either side a bracket, on which place a quaint jug or
j.-ir.
For a sewing-room, or, in fact, any apartment where the weekly
mending is done, a darning screen is wonderfully commodious. Its
conveniences consist of two capacious pockets, to hold stockings or
474
ARTISTIC HOME DF.CORATIONS.
any garment fresh from the laundry and needing attention ; a handy
shelf whereon to place one's sewing, a tidy little cushion with scissors
and loosely swung by ribbons to one side.
ORNAMENTAL SCREEN.
It is a delightful bit of property to serve one, while seated ?t an
open window in summer time or upon an upper veranda v.ith one's
work, looking out over the §^4 wjth the perfume of flowers in the air.
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 475
Trim the skeleton screen to harmonize with the fittinj^s of the room.
A carpenter constructed the framework for the two panels, with the
bar across the top, and the Uttle shelf for tw^enty-five cents. The pine
used was an old packing; box. The panels must be three and one-half
feet high and eighteen inches wide, made of strips three inches broad.
The shelf should be eight inches wide and twelve inches long.
Four 3'ards and one-half of chintz in cream-tinted ground, sprinkled
with Dresden nosegays gaily dashed with pink and delicate green
color, eight cents a yard. Four grades of delicate pink silesia and
two and one-half yards of unbleached muslin for interlining, made an
item of fifty cents. Hinges and corners and nail-heads of brass, satin
ribbon and tacks, by considerable calculation, can be pressed into the
am«>unt of scventv-fivc cents.
A Saturday morning industriously spent in the upholstery of the
little screen presented it in completeness.
Screens can be used to protect from drafts of air, by day «^>r night,
to keep the sun from an exposed spot on the carpet, to shade the light
from weary eyes, to temporarily close archways that have no doors,
and to conceal a iloor that is not often used. They will divide a large
room into two small ones when a sudden influx of company arrives,
or even close in a corner for the same hospitable emergency. They
make delightful nooks in sitting-rooms for the little folks' playhouse,
or they may screen off, from the morning caller, a temporary sewing-
room in the back parlor, and in sleeping-rooms, occupied by more
than one person, a cosy dressing-room may be made by their use.
Draperies.
The new swinging portieres that have appeared have a handsome
swinging crane fastened to the wall near the ceiling, upon which a
portiere or curtain is suspended. This can then be swung back against
the wall or swung out to make a cozy corner or to shut off one portion
of a room from another. These swinging portieres can in many cases
be made to take the place of screens and often fit with great advantage
where a fixed portiere of the old sort could not be used.
476 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
The handsome cranes are of course more or less expensive, but a
home-made substitute will answer the purpose very well. It is not
exactly home-made, however, for the services of a blacksmith may
have to be called in to bend the three-ei^rhths inch iron rod into shape
for use. The ends are bent to fit into screw eyes or other sockets
fastened to the wall, upon which this improvised crane can be swung.
The portiere is suspended from the iron rod by rings.
Denim is one of the best of all fabrics for a portiere in rooms con«
stantly used. It may be washed out and will look quite as well as
new. If you want a variety put one entire width in right side out,
and split another and join to the first section, putting the side pieces
wrong side out. Sew^ the seams, then fell them and featherstitch the
outside of the seams in cofored linen. Then with a teacup or saucer
drau' some circles, intersecting or lapping at one edge. W'ork these
with linen in short stitches and make eccentric lines or spider-web
lines from the central design. The edges may be hemmed or feather-
stitched or done in button-hole and cut out in scallops. It is better
to have the edge of the facing instead of making a turned-in hem.
Then denim, as a floor covering, wears far better than low-cost
matting and never becomes disagreeably faded ; for, being made for
hard usage, it but takes a quieter tone when other blues would surely
fade into unpleasant, soiled-looking hues.
Some Useful Bits of Furniture.
A settee table of oak has an adjustable top, which can be turned
over by the removal of two pegs, making a high back to the bench,
whose deep seat is utilized as a household linen closet. These tables
are in great demand where the saving of space is an object and come
in various sizes. They can be purchased without the top and used as
a window seat. One in a pretty studio of a woman artist in New
York was most artistically treated. It was painted a dull green. The
back and the lid of the seat were upholstered in an effective gold
colored tapestry drawn over a padding o^ hair and held down by gimp
and gilt nails, making a most artistic seat or table, as its use for either
\ rAINTCCG FOR IIOMii DHCORATIOX.
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 477
was required. Another one was stained green, and on the back and
lid of the seat was used natural toned burl ip, with stenciled griffins in
dark brown as a decoration.
These tables may be treated in various ways to suit tlieir surround-
ings It is suggested in TJic Decorator and FurnisJicr that one stained
the natural oak and upiiolstered in green rep, turcoman, corduroy,
burlap or denim would be most attractive, or for green, substitute brown
in the same materials and put on with dull brass nails, making an
effective seat for a hall.
Another, painted white and enameled, would be charming in a blue
and white dining-room. Upholster in dark blue denim with white
nails, and fill with a number of pretty pillows in various designs of
blue and white, and one of vivid scarlet to give a warm touch, which
is needed in these coldly decorated rooms.
The lovely liberty chintzes in dark blue and white, and sometimes
yellcvv, red and white on blue, are good to use on these settees, whicl
are first painted black.
A Hanging Desk.
The economy of space necessary in apartment living has brought
about the evolution of some remarkable pieces of furniture that may
be useful in small houses anywhere.
The writing desk may be included in the list of household wonders
directly attributable to the necessit)' of fitting that most useful Iiouse-
hold article in a six by ten apartment. When closed, it really occu-
pies the very smallest amount of room imaginable, and for the young
students' use, or in flat bedrooms, where space is at a premium, it is
unique and valuable.
The material may be oak or such wood as one fancies. Pine
enameled in white or black is as good, so long as it matches the
woodwork or furniture of the room. Two strips of the wood, each
two inches by three feet, are attached to the wall by long screws.
Across the top of these are placed three shelves about five inches
wide, supported by brackets of brass. Between the two upper ones
Vartitions arc glued in to form pigeonholes.
478 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
From four to six inches from the lower end of each of the strips
of wood is firmly placed a strip about two inches wide, to which is
hinged the shelf that forms the desk. This is upheld when open by
brass chains, and is thus made firm. When it is desired to close it, it
is merely shut to the wall, the chains falling into place. The ledge
upon which the lid is hinged forms a firm place for the inkstand and
other necessary fitments of a desk.
Against the wall, between the supporting strips, may be fixed a
Japanese panel or some tapestry or silk, as taste may dictate. A
picture can be so fastened to the panel as to form a good letter or
cardholder.
The whole affair is simple and easily managed. Any good car-
penter will make the necessary woodwork for a very small sum.
A Window Desk.
One of the most conv^enient and altogether satisfactory contrivances
quite in the power of a woman to manipulate is a window desk.
Take a board about fifteen inches wide and saw it the length of the
window sill. Put small iron hinges on it and screw it to the sill, so
that it can hang down against the under wall when desirable.
Tack a narrow strip of wood under the board, near the front edge.
Resting on the floor and wedged under this cleat there is a prop of
planed wood, slender and neat looking. Vou can put a beading
around the board, with small brads and stain it cherr>' or some other
color.
The sill holds pens, pencils and inkstands, and a large blotter laid
on the board, is a most desirable writing pad. This idea comes from
an art student in Paris, who dotes on her window desk.
It will be found useful in the nursery as a place for pasting pictures,
drawings, etc., and when done can be swung down and out of the way.
A Hall Chest.
A pretty hall chest is one of the things that may be successfully
produced at home. In a seaport town, the chest of some ancient
Artistic home decoil\tions. 479
mariner is easily procured ; otherwise, one of similar style and make-
must be fashioned for you by a carpenter. As it need only be made
of soft wood the cost is not great. After it has left the carpenter's
hands it may be decorated with the applied ornamentation in scroll
design, which is now obtainable ready to put on, and afterward treated
to a coat of stain.
Old oak is the most satisfactory, or it may be ebonized, if preferred.
Polished brass corners and hinges may be added, and a row of brass
nails set around the edge with good effect. The convenience of these
chests for hall use has been accepted. They beautifully conceal rub-
bers, mackintoshes, a storm shawl and various unsightly but useful
impedimenta of the hall rack, and if, in addition, a seat is desired, a
strip of dark leather with a light pad beneath it may be set on with
brass nails across the middle of the lid.
Cozy Corners.
They are so easy to arrange. Have your carpenter make a double
right-angle bench, with a high, straight back. The seat must be two
and a half feet wide, and the top of the back five feet from the floor.
This now looks like ?\\ ungainly three-sided square, or rather oblong,
for it is better to have one side somewhat longer than the others.
The wood should be stained cherry or oak, to match the other furni-
ture in the room, and oiled and polished so as to be smooth and of
rich appearance ; or, use hard wood, black walnut, ebony, mahogany.
The seat and inside back may be thickly and prettily upholstered,
and then piled high with pillows, or, the wood having been nicely
finished, the upholstery may cover the seat only. Be sure and have
the seat made low, otherwise the Cozy Corner will be uncomfortable,
its name will be belied, and no one will hie to what might have been
the favorite seat in the room.
Now, where shall we place the corner ? Put it in the space next to
the grate fire, and since you have had this place in view, the side to fit
in there should be made the requisite number of feet and inches so as
to actually fit.
480 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
Placed in this part of the room, two sides of the corner arc against
the wall, but the third side presents a bare and uninviting appearance.
This may be avoided by suspending a silk or gauze hanging close to
its side, in the same way that the back of an upright piano is often
screened. The seats should be piled with sofa pillows, and in the
inclosure a few hassocks would not be found amiss.
The word cozy suggests warmth and pleasantry, as well as comfort.
Therefore, this corner is always by the fire, and those occupying it are
presumably cheery and happy.
It is just the place to rest in, just the place to read in, just the place
for you and your dearest friend to chat in, just the place to play a
game in, as bags, balls, etc., could easily be tossed from one seat to
the other; just the place to lay plans in, for you are in no hurry to
move, and so your plans, not being hurriedly completed, would be
more apt to prove satisfactory; just the place to nap in, just the place
to frolic in. Indeed, just the place to add to our already comfortable
homes if we would have them one remove nearer the ideal home than
they now are.
Plenty of Pillows.
All cosy corners and all couches are incomplete without numberless
pillows of all sorts, shapes and sizes.
A serviceable pillow, and one that can be laundered, is of blue
denim, with a band of Irish point embroidery running around the four
sides of the square with the edge toward the center. A ruffie of
denim with a narrow embroidered insertion to match the edge, com-
pletes this sensible head-rest.
An Indian silk pillow is always pretty, and is pleasant next to the
face when one is lying down.
An open-work scrim with rows of ribbon placed upon the plain
stripes, made over a contrasting color of silk, with ruffle of sheer lace
over the color of the pillow, is effective and bright looking.
Any one who is fond of an Oriental effect can have it in the pillow
by sewing silks and satins hit and miss, as in making an old-time rag
carpet, then having it woven with black linen chain.
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 481
One who i.^ expert witli crochet needle can liave a creation worthy
of handing down for ages to come. Crochet a number of artistic
wheels or medalions of knitting silk in a golden yellow shade ; join
together, making a square the si/.e of the pillow desired. Place this
lace '^over over a contrasting shade of yellow, finishing the edges with
yellow silk pompons placed close together.
Yellow cheese cloth perfectly plain on both sides, with two ruffles
of the same and a fullness of lace between, makes a dainty and inex-
pensive pillow ; the under ruffle being six inches, lace ruffle five inches,
a, id the top ruffle of cheese cloth three inches in width.
I''or the W(Mnan whose tastes run to the elegant, a pillow of silk-
faced velvet and satin ribbon is grateful. A novel pillow is the clo\er
pillow, but to carry out the idea as originally designed one must await
the coming of the season when clover is at its fullest c.m\ sweetest
blossom. Then gather the large red clover heads. Take as many as
would fill a large washtub, sprinkle a pound of fine salt over them,
and stir them well, about once a day, luitil they are thorouglily dried,
without falling to pieces. This is the filling for a pillow made of white
linen duck, eml)roideretl with a straggling design of clover.
The convenien.t and ornamental floor pilk)W is especially adapted
for the summer home, the piazza, the lawn or the lounging-room.
The frame, which is made of good springs enclosed in a strong linen
covering, is on casters, and can be readily moved from place to placjr.
Covered with Bagdad stripes, tapestr)% or any artistic material, it
makes a Christmas present that would please the most fa: lidious taste.
A Corner Closet.
Lack of closet room in a house is a fruitful theme for complaint in
these days of contracted space. Architects there are who are willing
to sacrifice every consideration, not excepting internal utility, for
picturesque outside effects.
In such cases recourse must be had to wardrobes, but as these are
expensive, the busy fingers of the housewife must be depended upon
to improvise substitutes. If there is a corner in the room with suffi-
482
ARTISTIC HOME DErORATlOXS.
cicnt space (sometimes the architect denies us this small boon) it may
be utilized in the manner herewith described.
Two strips of wood as lonj^ as you desire and four inches wide by
one inch thick arc screwed in the an^le of the wall about six fci t
from the floor ; boards are cut off to fit in the corner and resting on
these strips ; this will form the roof A brass or wooden rod is then
run across the front of this board
frt)m wall to wall and from which
the curtain is suspended by rin^^s.
Cretonne, chintz or printed cot-
ton, will make a good list to
choo>e from, and are inexpen-
sive. One may screw upon the
underside of the roof and on the
cleats as many hooks as are re-
quired, and, if desired, a shelf
may be introduced about fifteen
inches below the roof, and oil
that attach the hooks. Such an
emergency closet will often be
found a great convenience, and
the cost will be trifling. It will
be well to stretch a piece of mus-
lin or paper across the upper side
of the roof to keep out the dust.
A home-made Japanese cabi-
net may be readily made of the
common materials found about
the house, such as boxes of hard or soft wood. The smoother the
boxes, the better ; but they can be pianed, if they are not.
The shelves are so arranged as to accommodate the different sizes
of Japanese bric-a-brac. The small cabinet in the upper left-hand
comer is simply a smooth bit of the board, finished with two orna-
mental hinges, either brass or bronze. The escutcheon is of the same.
REPLICA OF A GRECIAN VASE.
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 483
The circular panel can be cither of Lincrusta, bronzed, or to make it
a little more unique, a circular hole can be cut in the door, and a
pretty blue Japanese plate inserted, held in place ;it the back, and the
door lined. The supports are easily obtained by a visit to a factory
where they have a turning lathe. The orniimental finish at the bot-
tom is of lightly carved wood, if one can do these things, or a strij)
can be j)urchased at a carpenter shop t)r wall paper store. Still
another way out of the difficulty is to get just the length of Lincrusta
and tack it on neatly.
Before the hinges and escutcheon are put on, the staining .should be
done, and the simplest way out of the difficult}- is to jjurchase Pik-
Ron, stain whatever color or wood }'ou rccpiire, then afterward givi- it
a coat of \arnish, coach varnish giving a tlurable finish that is hravy
and beautiful, or the whole cabinet may be covered with the stamped
Japanese cotton goods in gilt and colors, each shelf being covered
before being put in place, and the uprights gilded or stained. Still
again, if the work is of pine, it may be stained a rich bron/e, and Kft
with dead finish, which is a very fair imitation of Japanese woodwork.
Piano Decoration.
An upright piano should be placed with its back to the room. This
position is not only good from a decorative standpoint, but a p r-
former likes to be shielded by the instrument. Here are enumerated
various graceful ways to cover the polished bareness of this musical
instrument.
To hang a square of tapestry over the back from a brass rod is
exceedingly striking. If possible, let the painted subject relate to
music or sentiment, and have it sufficiently large to cover the surface
of the piano.
If the tapestry is very fine work its surface should be unspoiled by
additions. Across the top of the piano lay a scarf of Liberty silk, or
another painted panel. The only bric-a-brac that combines wi'.';i this
drapery is a pair of candelabra, the quainter in style the better.
Algerian stripes, Bagdad tapestry or Persian prints make good back-
484 ARllSTIC HOME DFXOR/VTIONS.
grounds. Their cost is ;^i.25 a yard, and width fifty inches. With
this as a foundation many schemes may be carried out. Bas-relief
heads in plaster can be swung on it without injuring the wood of the
piano. MedalHons of Beethoven, Mozart or Wagner can be pur-
chased for $1 each. A long panel of cherubs goes well, or a line of
Delft or Japanese plates.
A low settle has a comfortable resting place underncatli this.
Either a box seat upholstered in dark, contrasting stuff, or one of the
1^4.50 green wooden settles, sold to artists, would serve. A number
of cushions placed on the seat against the piano add to the coziness
and grace of the decoration.
Lighting.
Rooms should be lighted from the sides, if possible. The great
central chandeliers, casting their downward shadows, age ever}- face
in the room by emphasi/.ing every line, and bringing out every defect
sharply.
Decorating.
In decorating a room a harmony of the shades of one color should
be used. Beware of spotty effects. It should really, according to
Edmond Russell, " be conceived, as a piece of music is, in a certain
key. There should be sympathy and harmony. Even the pictures
should be chosci: with as much regard to their surroundings as to
their individual merits."
Another important item in the decoration of the home is considering
the choice of ground tones with reference to the complexion of its
hostess. Guests appear there but casually. She is always there, and
no one should elect to occupy a room, whose color tones either totally
efface what little color one may possess, or else, by an exaggeration
of natural ruddiness, be made a rival of the setting sun.
The effect of color upon the appearance is so important that ever}^
change of color, changes not only the color of the skin, but that of
the hair and eyes as well.
Edmond Russell once studied a room with reference to complexions,
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 485
mixirif; his paints to a relative hue with the general tone of complcx-
i(Mis, making 't iluller and grayer, so that standing near it the skin
looked clear and fresh beside it.
" I made the tone," he said, " a little greener and colder than flesh,
so that one looked lighter and warmer and was enriched by the con-
trast. Any who stood in front of that wall looked five or ten years
younger tlian they were."
In using a flower, or other design, for a frieze or dado, they should
be conventionalized. This term is used to signify the modification of
a real object with its surroundings. The more formal they are the
better ; no attempt at shading or perspective is necessary', and the
square emd compass should be used as much r.s possible in their
designing.
In decorating a room, a dark floor is the beginning, and the walls
grow lighter as the ceiling is approached. The richest effects should
be congregated at the mantel, with the fire as its central object.
"The ability to combine is a nire one." Ruskin writes truly that,
"one rarely meets even an educated person who can select a good
carpet, a wall paper, and a ceiling, and have them in harmony."
There is too much of a temptation to adopt beautiful things simi^K'
because they are beautiful, without pausing to consider the weiglitier
matter c;f tlieir eternal fitness, or remembering that a tiling intrinsi-
cilly beautiful in itself may become hideous by inharmonious proximity
or combination with another beautiful object.
Home of the Soul.
A mystic German writer calls a house, properly ordered, the " home
of the soul," carrying out the idea that the house in which an orderly
soul lives, is only an expansion of the body built and adorned out of
her passing experiences. " All sorts of delicate affinities establish
themselves between her and the lights and shadows of her abode ; the
particular picture on the wall ; the scent of flowers at a particular
window until she seems incorporated into it."
In other words, one's environments, as one's dress, must be in har-
486 Airrisric: iiomi-: decorations.
tnony with tlicir individual type, or a j^jcrmancnt discord will result;
for instance, lunma Aloffctt T}-n<^ speaks of a "pond-lily type o{
woman, soft color, ^ray blue eyes, pale brown eyes," appealing to bet-
as to the "effect" of the f^orgeous, redecorated interior of her home,
A\ith flames of color in hangings and rugs, and " lua" ]'>gyptian gown
with its glow and glint of purple and gold. All these thing.-, were
artistic and beautiful, and perfect in their relations to each other," but
in their relation to her nothing could ha\e been worse. The wom^m,
lierself, was eclipsed, obliterated. "A Cleojjatra, dark and flashing,
wtiuld make the picture complete. Jhit such a colorless woman needs
repose in her siuToundings ; the low tones of blue and gray, the palest
flush of the simset heavens."
Some Lovely Rooms.
l'".dm<)n<l Russell has treated two rooms cxquisitel}'. A gold and
ivor\- j)arlor, tinted, ^\■alls and ceiling in .i gra\-ish white with a green-
ish tiuLie. and this is mottled with irold fl.cked lighth' o\er the sur-
face. The- broad frie/e is .idorneil in fi\e, simple st\ie ^\ith leaves
raid l)lossoms of m.ignolia. I'A'erything in this n>om .should be light
and delicate in color. The soft gold and i\'ory would be nullified by
heavy walnut window casings; red and green carpet, retl or bhu;
plush furnisliings, or \ ivid hangings would ruin the effect. I'iclures in
.such a room shouUl be preferably water-ciuors with pale gray mats, and
gold or white frames. Oil paintings are onl\' permissible when dreamy
and vaporous in tint. Light, delicate colors in upholstery, creimiy
madras for curtains. The carpet may be a little darker, \'erging on
some of the delicate, woody browns. .\ny bric-a-brac should be in
pale .shades of yellow or rose.
The tender li<ihts of this room seiin tei cle.ir and soften the com-
plexion of tlie occupants.
Another is a dining-room of copper, bronze antl terra cotta .shades.
A pale tint of copper to the background overlaid with dashes of bronze
and strong copjx-r color. The frieze is a succession of pine boughs,
lightly fringed with their needLb, Abo\e the sideboard is a panel
ARI'ISTIC IIOMI-: ] )i:(( )|s' A TH )NS.
487
representing magnoli.i blossoms, and their heavy polished leaves, with
brown in stem and shadows. The efieet of this eolor scheme is Ui
give a suggestion of warmth and cheer. The gold and copper used in
flecking the wall arc merely the two shades of the common bronze
\)owder.
Still another nest of a sleeping-room comes to mind, a creation of
NIoscheles. Flour covered with white bearskin rugs, furnished with
RICH riECES OF FURNITURE.
a delicate tint of robin's-egg blue. Toilet table strewn with every
imaginable l',i\ur\- in old i\-ory and silver. Panels in the wardrobe
.uid doors filled with paintings by l^urne-Jones, classic figrres given
the preference.
These rooms are given as examples of harmony of coloring. Great
expense is not always necessary to secure this artistic harmony.
Money goes a long svay, but good taste and ingenuity will go just as
far, with a minimum of expenditure.
There is a little room, a symphony in green and gold, created by
488 ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS.
one girl's taste, a pale scafoam green that is delightful to the eye.
The woodwork, banded with a narrow strip of gilt, is of this color
and the enterprising }oung woman painted it all with her own hands.
The curtains at tiie three windows are of the freshest and purest white
muslin, prettily ruffled. They are the kind that always look as if they
had just been laundered and they are tied back with pale green ribbons
that make them look the more exquisitely neat. The floor is covered
with plain matting, which particularly recommended itself, by the way,
because it was inexpensive.
As to Furniture.
Every article of furniture in the room is of the prevailing green and
there are no off shades, for they were all painted from the same can
of paint. The bedstead was nothing but common pine, made to order
at the factory, aaid it is of a quaint design that oric^inated in the same
fertile brain that is responsible for all the rest of the perfect appoint-
ments. The headboard is in the shape of a shield and there is painted
thereon a spray of wild roses to bring to the sleeper over whom they
bend sweet dreams of perpetual summer time. And the white coun-
terpane and snowy pillows in the setting of green and gold make it a
most inviting place of repose.
The chairs were resurrected from the debris in the family attic.
There are two heavy old-fashioned ones of curly maple, and they are
cushioned with a brocaded green and gold material that exactly match
the green of the furniture. Then there is a comfortable little rocking
chair cushioned with the same material and painted in green with
many stripes of gold.
But it is the dressing table that is the most charming of all the
unique devices that make the room attractive. It was a battered old
washstand at first, but now it is a work of art. It is painted, of course,
in green and gilt, and there is a spray of wild roses on the front.
Above it is a green and gilt framed mirror with a spruy of the favorite
wild roses agani overhanging the top part. Over mirror and wash-
stand and all is draped a canopy of white muslin. Among- the other
ARTISTIC HOME DECORATIONS. 489
articles that find place on the table is a little fairy lamp with a shade
of green tissue paper that gives the softest light imaginable.
A comfortable green window seat in the corner is well supplied with
pillows covered in green and gold brocade, and up antl around the
window there clambers an old luiglish i\ \-.
There is an oddly fashioned bookcase in another corner. You would
never guess it, of course, but it was constructed out of two dry goods
boxes. It is painted green inside and out and fitted up with fmir
shelves. A green silk curtain hangs from a brass rod, and about the
edge of the bookcase is a gilt cornice. The top is covered wit!
bric-a-brac.
I-'or pictures there is an etching or two on the wall in green imd
gold frames, and you have a room the very sight of which is cool and
refreshing, and which cost its owner some time and some planning,
but ver>' little money.
Pictures.
Be careful of the pictures and their relations to the walls. Rooms
should rather be a setting for a. beautiful moving picture of the shifting
groups of people in it.
Too much gilding, too many gaudy oil paintings attract the eye
and distract the mind.
There is a simple picture in my room, red curtains, a white-robed
child kneeling, that is all, but ev^erything in it harmonizes, and it
harmonizes with the furnishings of the room, and my eye is often
drawn toward it.
One authority objects to portraits as a decoration, "Their presence,
if at all impressive, is too stimulating."
Picture frames should never be so gorgeous as to distract the mind
from the picture. " Frames arc to protect the i)icture and relate it to
the walls."
Group etchings together and put engravings in the portfolio. Over
low bookcases pictures should be large, and in this form they give a
style to the room. Water colors look admirriljle if tn^ated in this
manner, and if tw < bookcases are put together so as to form one.
400
ARTISTIC HOME DK(^ORATIONS.
divide the pictures by a bracket, on which place a jar of some unique
p.ittern.
SELECTING PAINTINGS FOR HOME DECORATION.
Small rooms require medium-size pictures, which can be hung one
above the other, and three may even be placed on line with good
effect. For an ideal head in oil the frame should be of broad gilt,
ARTISTIC HOME DEf'ORATIONS. 491
ITan^ it in a j^ood li^cjlit, and on one side f:;roup two small \vatcr-col<^r
pieces in the fashionable wliite band frame. For an oblong picture a
yniall sketch under it looks wel) ecmipped.
A very large and beautiful jiicture s<;metinies sets the keynote f)f
color for the apartment. Otherwise, subordinate them as decorations
to the colorings of the room, as in the ivory and gold room.
In a room where there are to be many pictures, give rather a
neutral color to the walls, merely as a picture background. Where
there are finely decorated walls pictures are rather out of place, .since
one decoration spoils the effect of the other.
Mottoes.
The motto, whose revival is noted in the above title, is the
expre-ssion in architecture of some sentiment suitable to the place to
which it is applied. It is more fi\(|utntl\- and more noticeabh- in
domestic arcbilecl ure tlian eisrwhere th.it the motto is found. Scarcely
.1 countiy house of suffu ient size to boast a hall and fireplace but
announces in script or ti^xt a \\elconie to all guests or some a[)[)reciii-
tion of the comforts of its four walls. The fivorite place f< r this
Lnotto is o\er the fireplace, either abo\ c ( r below the mantel slu-jf, and
tif all the old ones, " b.ast or \\(.st, home is best," with its variety of
expressions, is the fa\orite. ".V man's house is .his castle."
" I Ionic is tin- resort
( )f love, of jo\, ofiieaee."
"A man's best things are nearest him ;" "Our house is ever at vour
service;" " Vou are ver\' welcome;" "Take the goods the gods pro-
vide thee" — any one of these will as appropriately welcome the
stranger as the friend.
Over the mantel of one's ])ri\Mte room tlic restful motto, " Duty
done is tiie soul's fireside," may find appropriate place.
0w to be ^
[i) begin at the beginning: to insure a good
complexion strict attention must be paid to
the diet. Wholesome, well-cooked food must
be eaten ; regular exercise in the open air is
another point, and the body must be bathed
three hundred and sixty-five times a year.
It may be considered almost supererogatory to
remark that not any amount of cerates, washes
or powders will cover or obliterate blotches, pimples and blackheads
caused by unwholesome food or uncleanly habits. \\'e may not be
able to afford elegantly-appointed bath-rooms, but we all can indulge
in a daily bath.
A quick and simple method for the busy housekeeper, which need
only occupy a few moments, is as follows : buy a yard of coarse
Turkish toweling, and make of it two mittens. Have a bowl of
warm water, in which dissolve some borax. This is soothing to tired
nerves, besides rendering the skin soft and white. When ready, slip on
one of the mittens, \vet it thoroughly, rub well w^ith soap, and quickly
wash the bod}' all over. All the impurities of the body arc now on
this mitten. Lay it to one side. Put on the other mitten, and wash
the body again. The mittens may be washed and hung to dr}% ready
for the next bath. Rub the skin briskly with a rough towel until it
C^lows.
If this treatment is followed daily, with a tub-bath weekly, you
will not complain of those tired, nervous headaches, your face will
'ose its sallowness, and your walk will gain in sprightliness. Here let
.IS say, for the benefit of those who are obliged to live in rented
492
HOW TO r,E P.EAI'TIFUL. MY.)
houses, or who have no facilities for a bath-room, that a folding bath-
tub is now offered. It folds up somewhat after the manner of a fold-
ing bed. When closed it looks like a cabinet, and is nicely finished
in oak. In connection with it is a tank and heating apparatus. The
water may be heated with gas, kerosene or gasoline.
Lemon juice, diluted, is a famous whitener for the skin, as are all
vegetable acids, such as tomato, cucum1)er and watermelon. Often-
times something is needed to he;il as well as whiten. For this, take
two tablespoonfuls of oatmeal and cook it with enough water to form
a thin gruel, strain, and when cool add to two tablespoonfuls of the
gruel one tablespoonful of lemon juice. Wash the face with this at
night, allowing it to dr\' on the skin. This is excellent f )r a shiny
face.
Another ver}' soothing j)rcparation to use at night is made of one
ounce of glycerine, half ;;n ounce of rosemary (fluid), and twent}'
drops of carbolic acid. This is excellent for an\- irritation of the skin,
and also for prickly heat. The face must always be well washed with
water and pure soap before applying any of these preparations. If
the skin is oily, bathe with diluted camphor (a teaspoonful to a pint
of water), but it is injurious to a naturally dry skin.
Treatment for a Rough Skin.
A wash for a rough face is two ounces of water, one ounce of gly
ccrine, one ounce of alcohol, and half an ounce of gum of benzoin, to
be dissolved in the alcohol first. Apply at night. For wrinkles —
do we see some of you looking interested? — take some clippings
of sheep's wool and steep in hot alcohol. It is said that the grease
thus obtained is identical with an element found in the human bile. I
know that if rubbed on the skin it not only removes but prevents
wrinkles, making the skin soft and pliable. These remedies all have
the merit of being harmless, which cannot be said of all cosmetics.
Let us give one more recipe, and that is for brightening the eyes.
When you are tired and warm, and your eyes are dull, take a cloth
and wring it out of very hot water, as hot as you can bear it. Lie
494 HOW TO V,E r.KAUTIFUT,.
down for ten minutes with this cloth spread over your burning face
and tired eyes. Vou will be surprised to see how the tired lines will
fade out and how the eyes will shine, and when your "dearest" comes
home he will pay you a compliment which will more t!\an reward \<)u.
Reducing Flesh.
The real mode of life and diet should be chanjjed if the fat woukl
be reduced. If necessar\', procure a pair of scales and weigh the dif-
ferent foods that arc taken into the S}'stem. Reduce the diet then to
about four ounces of starch or suL;;ir m;iterial per d:iy, one and a hah"
ounces of fat, taken chiefly in the form of butter, and about six or
seven ounces of albuminous food, such as lean meat or fish. This
is the minimum that should be resorted to, ;aul the patient can
take more of each at first and reduce the diet i^radualK' to tliis
point. The proportion of the different food comijountls, however,
with the exception of figs, dates, grapes ;in.d nuts, should also be
eaten daily, and one-third of a pound of some of the following' vege-
tables: asparagus, turnips, cucumbers, i:)arslcy, watercress, celer}', kale
or cabbage. L^luids ha\e a f ittening tendenc}', and they must be taken
in small quantities.
The drinking sliould be confined to tea, coffee or water, and never
should be taken at mealtime, nor within one hour of a meal. This is
peremptory, for food will produce fit nnu h quicker ami surer when
watered by some good beverage.
Refreshing Sleep.
What is tlie correct method to pursue in preparing for a trip int(^
dreamland, for there is a right as well as a wrong w;iy ? The busi-
ness of disrobing should be so systematized that attending to all the
little niceties included in the process will become, after a while, second
nature. There is something more to be done. let us assure you, in
addition to putting your hair up in curl-papers and dabbing a bit ( i
cold cream on your face, if you would wake up in the morning look-
ing as fresh as a rose. In the first place, do not put off these impor-
HOW TO BE liEAUTIFUL. 495
tant preparations until you arc so heavy-lidded that you arc ready to
give every thinfj beloni;inLj to the toilet the go by. And now for the
first step. Early in the evening your sleeping apartments should be
thoroughly aired by dropping the window from the top and raising it
at the bottom.
The current of fresh air is especially important when the room has
been, as so many sleeping apartments are, in constant use all da\'.
Ten minutes will be quite sufficient for toning up the atmosphere.
Now close the window and allow the room to become thoroughly
warmed, that }'ou may not experience a chill while taking a rub down.
Prepare a big bowl of tepid water, into which }'ou sprinkle a small
quantity of ammonia or borax. Take a Turkish towx'l, which is much
better than a sponge, wring it cnit as dry as possil.Ie, ami, grasping a
corner in each hand, give the spine a vigorous rubbing. IIa\'e at hanil
another Turkish towel, and as you bathe the body in sections, dry as
quickly as possible.
From the points of your rosy toes to the curve of your soft throat
you are a blushing model of the charming effects of the bath. When
finished, slip over your head a soft little shirt, high neck and short
sleeves (a white silk or lisle thread is the best), the rosy skin beneath
giving it the appearance of being lined with pink silk. Then comes
the nightrobe, and next the pajama or lounging robe, which ma}' be
of anything, from flannel to eider down.
Tuck your feet into a pair of bedroom slippers, and your are ready
to attend to minor details. Never think of retiring in any article of
clothing which you have worn during the day. Such a barbarous
custom has nothing whatever in comm.)n with hccdth and refinement.
Neither is it well to discanl everything Init }'(»ur nightgown, for it is
exceedingly dangerous to chill the system by night draughts.
How to Take Care of the Eyes.
Avoid sudden changes from darkness to brilliant light.
Avoid the use uf stimulants and drugs which affect the nervous
system.
496 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
Avoid rcadintj when lyin^ down or when mentally and physically
exhausted.
When the eyes feel tired rest them by looking at objects at a long
distance.
Pay special attention to the hygiene of the body, for that which
tends to promote the general health acts beneficially upon the eye.
Do not depend on your own judgment in selecting spectacles.
Old persons shoukl avoid reading much In- artificird light, be guarded
as to diet and avoid sitting up late at night.
After fift)', bathe the eyes morning and evening with water so hot
that you wonder how you stanil it; folUnv this with cold water that
will make them glow with warmth.
JJo not give up in desi)air when you are informed that a cataract is
developing; remember that in these days of advanced surgery it can
be removed with little or no danger to vision.
Never read in bed or when l>'ing upon the sofa. Sit with your
back to the light as much as possible. iVttend to your digestion.
Do not work longer than two hours without closing your eyes and
resting them for fi\'e minutes. If }'our eyes are weak, bathe them in
water to which a little salt and a little brandy have been added.
The Hair and How to Take Care of It.
If the hair has that soft, glossy look that tells of regular care, and
if it is well kept, with every pin in its place, you may rely upon it
that its owner possesses the instinct of ladyhood.
Each hair has tiny prongs or tentacles, something like those on the
cockle bur, which catch the dust ; hence the especial need of brush-
ing. At a lady's school in P^ngland, some twenty years ago, the girls
were required to brush their hair for fifteen minutes daily in the long
dressing-room, and they were timed at this exactly as if it were any
other exercise.
Occasionally the hair and the scalp need washing, as the face,
though less often if the brushing be carefully attended to. When,
however, it begins to seem dirty, give it a good shampooing. Wash
liUW ru BE BEAUTIFUL. 4^'i
onth hair and scalp tliorou^hly in a waslil^owl of warm water in
wliich has been dissolved a tablespoonful of powdered borax ; then
rinse it well in clear warm water ; you will be surprised sometimes at
the complexion of the water.
Many women dread the sh.unpooin^ because of their liability to
take cold in the process. Let such a person choose a r(H>m w here
che air is warm and ihy. After wipin^^ the hair thoroughly dry with
towels, and pinnin;^ a fresh one around the neck and shoulders, k-'. her
i^et some one to come and make a breeze with a lari^e palm-leaf fan
upon her hair while she is cnLjaged in carefully disentan^Ljlinj^ it with a
brush and comb, occasionally ^ivin^ the scalp a little \igorous rubbin<^
if it bcLjins to feel chilly. The fannini,^ <^reatly hastens the dryinL,^ pro-
cess. Another plan is to lie down with the hair spread out on cushions
*n the sunshine. Be sure to get it thoroughly dr)' before putting it up.
An Excellent Head Covering.
A very pleasant step, though not a necessary one, next to take is to
have a little thin silk mob-cap (of some pretty shade of silk, so that it
is becoming rather than disfiguring, if needful, to wear about the
home), lined, and thickly wadded with cotton-batting, well powdered
with heliotrope or some other delicate sachet powder (these come in
ten or fifteen-cent packages), and wear this from one to three hours.
Here, again, those thousands of minute tentacles come into play ;
they catch and retain (one would almost think they close over them)
the atoms of the perfume when they are thus freed from dust, and
when the hair is .^oft and light in its new cleanness — and it is atonish-
ing for how long a time the hair will retain that faint, delicate aroma
which is so truly lovely in a woman's hair; and all to be obtained in so
simple and innocent a way as with this little mob-cap, put on at the
right time.
A good rule for ensuring the regular brushing ot the hair, which
may be taught to children (and perhaps good for busy women also),
is to brush the hair with fifty long strokes both at morning and at
night.
32
498 HOW TO in-: 15EAUTIFUL.
Much also depends upon the brush. Let it not be stiff enough to
hurt the scalp. Choose a brush of medium stiffness, with bristles
long and close together, and nowhere will it pay better, " in the long
run, " to give a good price for a good article than in a woman's
hairbrush wdiich she proposes to use as described abov^e.
Do not use a fine-tooth comb, l^^requent washing will remove the
dandruff in all cases, and without the injury caused to the scalp by the
fine comb.
It is also well to clip the ends of the hair regularly once a month,
keeping it smooth and even, besides, as is thought by some stimu-
lating the growth and keeping it in a more healthy condition.
Perseverance in this treatment will give the hair a fine natural gloss,
and a healthy tone. It will tend to prevent its falling out, and will
also help to preserve its natural color much longer than it it were
neglected.
"Show me a woman," said a wise matron the other day, "though
she be in the busiest farmer's kitchen in America, who may always be
found with her hair neatly and carefully arranged aiul with a fresh linen
collar, and I will show you a lad}' in mind and manners. Those two
points always settle the rest in my opinion! "
Recipe for the Complexion.
A ii-'ixture for presemng the complexion, easily made at home, is
as follows : take a wincglassful of the best French orange flower
water. Add a tiny pinch of carbonate of soda and two teaspoonfuls of
glycerine. Melt a piece of camphor the size of a pea and three tea-
spoonfuls of cologne water and add to the orange flower water.
Shake the whole for five minutes. Apply to the face every night.
Care of the Lips.
The Cupid's bow in dainty curves has always been symbolical of a
perfect mouth, and lips most kissable have never been represented as
other than pink and perfect.
No other porJon of the face, however, so quickly responds to
HOW TO HE BEAUTIFUL. 49??
symptoms of ill-health in the body as do the lips. Fever blisters are
the disfiguring reminders of a cold ; dry, broken or bloodless lips show
that one is out of sorts, even more certainly than heavy eye or dejected
mien, and it is a woman's duty to endeavor to restore them to their
soft, rich redness, which is the outward and visible sign of good
health.
To do this the general system must be toned up, diet regulateil,
and a regular house-cleaning gone into; but there are certain defects
of the lips that can be overcome without all this trouble, because they
arise from a woman's own fault. !Manv of us, from nervousness or
habit, have a way of biting our lips which will surely result in swell-
ing, bruise or dryness that is both uncomfortable and unpleasant to
look at.
Therefore, the first step is to break off so pernicious a practice by
watching one's self ver}- carefulK'. Next, anoint the poor, bruised
members with some healing salve of a pure make.
Do not, however, think to cure chapjied lips by anointing them
after being out in the air. The time for treatment is bt;fore the mis-
chief is done, putting on a little cold cream every time you start out
for a walk, which you will find highly beneficial and will keep your
lips in winter just as sweet and rosy as when the milder zephyrs of
summer rule the air.
Remedies for the Lips.
A writer whose knowledge of such subjects is beyond question
says that glycerine and rose water should never be used to soften the
lips, as this remedy has one great drawback, namely, that it induces
the growth of superfluous hair, a warning which all women will gladly
heed, for no one desires to pose as a bearded lady. When cold sores
appear rub them with cold cream, being careful not to break them,
and they will soon disappear.
The reason that they usually cling so long is, that they are tam-
pered with by rubbing or biting, and therefore cannot have a chance
to heal properly, as they would if left alone, The same writer
500 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
who warns us against glycerine and rose water is a strong advo-
cate of hot water, and affirms that there is scarcely any aihncnt that
will not succumb to its healing virtues. Therefore, with cold cream
and hot water one should be able to present to the world a pair of
rosy lips free from any unsightly blemishes.
Smoothing Out the "Wrinkles.
Wrinkles are, of course, the special detestation of every woman, and
when they begin to make their appearance, one of the most perplexing
questions is as to how the)' can be removed, or at least the evil hour
of their coming be put off for a time. There has recentl)' been a good
deal of nonsense printed in various channel> as to this subject, aiul
one of the most cherished fads is that the steaming of the face will
remove them. This is one of those half-truths which are simply deceit
and disappointment.
Wrinkles appear because the fine muscles of the face lose their
tone, the tissue shrinks, and the r.kin fits itself to the depressions
which are thus left. It is a mistake to suppose that wrinkles can he
wholly eradicated, especialK' those W'hich are due to advancing j-ears.
Let us "grow old gracefully " and accept the inevitable with the best
grace possible. A cheerful disposition will do wonders towan) light-
ing up the face and making one's friends forget or overlook entirely
the signs of advancing years. But wrinkles frequently come on pre-
maturely, and prove extremely vexations. It is unquestionably true
that a proper, thorough and careful course of face massage will do a
good deal to help things, where the skin has become dull and lifeless,
as will especially happen in cases of general decline or ill health.
From two to four times durinij each twentv-four hours the face
should be gently but systematically rubbed, the best method being
to employ a fine towel or a bit of red flannel. The finger ends answer
very well, but it is quite difficult to use them without weariness.
It will be noticed after a few days that the skin is gaining in tone and
'"igor, when the degree of vigor employed may properly be increased.
Bad air is one of the most potent causes of wrinkles and the remedy,
HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL. 501
of course, -s the f^ettinj^ of fjood air. P^xcellence of the highest
degree may not be attainable ; if not, let us get the best we cati.
With good air should come good living and plenty of nutritious food,
especially that which has fat-producing qualities.
IMassage of the face is well recommended, using a light, gentle, cir-
ular motion of the fingers, while much may be done by cultivating
flexibility and voluntary motions of the muscles of the face, especially
those affecting the wrinkled portions. And it ma)' not be amiss,
though it be a delicate matter, to suggest that an overworked,
thankless, hopeless life will inevitabK- wrinkle the fairest face with fur-
rows that no agency this side of the grave can remove, till the cause
shall have been lifted.
The Feminine Waist.
Wc 1" ivc already had occasion to discuss the question of small
waists and the abuse of proportions that tight-lacing frec^uently entails.
We have only to consider now the caprices of fashion with regard to
length. Sometimes this fickle goddess sends our waists up under our
arms, and then a reaction sets in, and thev lengthen graduallv till the
points and basques of our bodices reach very nearK' to our knees. Of
the two extremes, the more sanitar}^ as well as the more artistic, is
the former, but these considerations have little effect on the arrange-
ments of fashion.
The w'eight of clothing should hang as little as possible from the
waist. Many w'om.en believe that it is better that it should com.e from
the hips than from the shoulders, but the testimony of all medi':al men
is clear and indisputable on this subject. Nor is it upon hygienic
grounds alone that this is objectionable. This weight from the hips
destroys all freedom of movement, just as the tight corset deprives the
body of all the suppleness and flexibUity given it by nature.
The belt is, on a perfect figure, an interruption to liarmonious lines
that could well be dispensed with. On an imperfect figure it is
excusable, when associated with a form of bodice that seems to
require to be confined, such as the loosely plaited or gathered bodice
5t)2 now TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
sometimes worn. Over a tight bodice the belt lias no reason for
being, and is absurdly out of place. For this and also sanitary
reasons we feel inclined to condemn it.
Beautiful Arms.
Beautiful arms are a powerful weai)()n in the armor}' of beauty ; but
though most women appreciate to the full the charm of this possession,
the fact remains that in v\merica undeveloped arms are the rule, and
rounded, dimpled symmetry the exception. Lately, however, the
gymnasium is producing charming arms.
Exercise is essential to the development of the arms : exercise, that
is, of the arms themselvx's. Gymnastic exercises that bring the mus-
cles of these into play should be, as far as possible, encouraged in
girls, as tending not only t>,» their improvement in this particular, but
as being beneficial to the general health.
Arms disproportionately large as c<miparetl to the rest of the frame
are, on the other hand, at least ecjually disagreeable with those we
have been discussing. \'ery large arms carry with then; a suggestion
of coarseness that is unpleasant as associated with a woman. It is, as
we have said before, impossible to give the ex.ict proportions which
one portion of the human frame should bear to the rest. The ideal
arm, however, should gradually decrease in size from the shoulder to
:he wrist, the outlines being marked by those inward curves which arc
also noticeable in well-formed shoulders. The wrist should be slender
without being thin, the bone at the outer side being well covered and
indicated rather by dimples than otherwise.
There is an old rule for measurement that approaches accuracy in
some degree. We gi\-e it for what it ma\' be worth, advising our
readers not to pin their faith to it too implicitly. Twice round the
thumb, once round the wrist ; twice round the wrist, once round the
neck ; twice round the neck, once round the waist.
The roundest arms in the world fail to be beautiful if they are red.
There arc beautiful white arms, brown arms, copper-colored arms,
and even black arms, but beautiful red arms are not. This fault is
I
HOW TO BE BEAUiIFUL. 503
seldom to be fouiul witli tlic anus of ladies, which are so constantly
kept covered as lo be protected froin tlu; influences of weather. It is
chanicteristic of a cook, a ilairyniaid, a housemaid, a fiekl-hand, to
have red arms, and it is proi)abl)' from this association that they liave
fallen inti^ such extreme disrepute.
The use of violet-powder may be cond<)ned when it modifies the
contra.st between red arms and white evenini; dresses. The applica-
tion beinL^ onl)' temporary, it can only very slit;htl)' affect the well-
beint; of the pores, but it should be very carefully u.sed, or it will come
off on the coat sleeves of the partners of the red-armed one.
When the arms arc very thin the sleeves should not be too tight,
though, as a rule, thin arms do not look at all badly in tight sleeves.
When the arms are too long, their apparent length may be dimin-
ished by crossway trimmings on the sleeve. When, on the cf)ntrar\',
the arms are disproportionately short, a lengthuist: trimming will
remedy the defect. The sleeve of to-day is a blessing in disguise for
ladies with thin arms.
The leg-of-mutton igigot) sleeve was invented to conceal defects in
the arm, and to make the waist appear small by contrast with the size
of the sleeves. Tuffs at the shoulder give grace and delicacy to the
neck and head. The pagoda sleeves, copied from the Chinese, being
wide and open, cause the hands to appear smaller by contrast with the
aperture from which they emerge ; but when the sleeve is exagger-
atedly large and wide, the effect of the contrast is lost, the sleeve
losing itself in, and mingling with, the rest of the draperies. The
epaulette worn some years ago is useful as giving width to narrow
shoulders. The Louis XV., or sabot sleeve, tight to the elbow, and
ending in a frill of lace, is perhaps the most becoming of all sleeves to
a really pretty arm, while the sleeve open to the shoulder is the most
trying to a defective outline.
Treatment for the Hands.
The hands of growing girls are often red and clumsy, and girls who
are beginning to take thought of their appearance are sometimes in
504 HOW TO BE BEAUTIFUL.
despair about them, not being aware that tliey will grow whiter and
whiter with every year. The ideal hand is white, certainly, but not
dead white. It should have a dash of healthy flesh-tints. The tips
of the fingeis and the portions that surround the palm should be
tinged with pink. The fingers should taper towards the nails, the
most approved shape for which is the " filbert," so called from its
resembkmce to the oval form of the nut of that name, cUid the simi-
larity of the direction of the lines of the nail to those on the wood of
the nut.
Scissors and Nail-brush.
The ajipcarance of white spots on the nails is caused by knocks or
blows. To obviate the appearance of such spots the hands must be
taken care of and the nails disturbed as little as possible. When the
nails become stained or discolored, a little lemon juice is the best
agent to employ as a corrective. It is equally valuable in discolora-
tion of the skin.
The care of the nails, should be strictly limited to the use of the
knife or scissors to tlieir free border, and of the ivor\' presser to their
base, to jirevent the adhesion of the free margin of tlie scarf-skin to the
surface of the nail antl its forward growth upon it. Tlie edge of scarf-
skin should never be i)ared, nor surface of the nail ever scraped, nor
should the nails be cleaned with an)' instrument whatever except the
nail-brush.
There is no rule for the management of the nail of greater importance
than that which prescribes the pressing back of the edge of the scarf-
skin which forms the boundary of the base of the nail. This margin
is naturally adherent to the surface of the nail, and has a tendency to
grow forward with it and become ragged and attenuated. When
allowed to do so, the ragged edge is apt to split up into shreds, and these
projecting from the surface, are pulled and torn, and often occasion a
laceration of the skin and a painful wound. The occurrence of these
little shreds, denominated agnails, may be effectually prevented by the
regular use of the presser once or twice a week. It must be used
with gentleness.
HOW i'U 151-: BEAUTIFUL. SOo
The following is said to be an excellent preparation for making the
hands white ; and as it cannot possibly injure them, we give it i place
here. Take as much scraped horseradish as w ill fill a tablesjooon ; jjour
on it half-a-pint of hot milk. Use it before washing, allowing it to dry
on the hands before api)l\'Ing the water. Redness and chapping are
sometimes caused by the hands being imperfectly dried. The greatest
care should be taken in drying them, more especial!}- in cold weather,
and when the hands are exposed to cold winds.
If the hands become rough from an)' cause, the following may be
applied with good effect: Half fill a basin with fine sand and soap-
suds, as hot as can be borne Brush and rub the hands thorouLrhlv
with hot sand. The best is flint sand, or the powered ([uartz sold
for filters. It may be used repeatedl)' by pouring the water aw.i)
and adding fresh. Rinse the hands in a warm lather of fine soap,
Ihen clean cold water. While they are still \\\t, put into the pahn
of each hand a very small piece of almond cream and rub it all
over them. This, again, forms a strong lather. After dr\in<' the
hands, rub them in dry bran i)r jjowdered starch till every atom
of moisture is absorbed, and finish b\' dusting off the bran or st.ireh.
This will make the hands very soft and smooth.
To Cure Burning of the Skin.
Occasionally the hands and face become red and flushed while
the feet are cold. This ver\' uncomfortable state of things mav be
effectually remedietl by bathing the feet in hot water with a table-
spoonful of Kretol in it. This will frequently be und an innnediate
cure for headache, but must not be attempted just before going
out in cold or damp weather. A simple remedy is to wash the
face and hands in very warm water, as hot as can be borne. This
will frequently dispel the burning sensation and induce a cooler
condition of the skin.
A slice of raw potato rubbed well into them will remove stains
from the fingers and hands. Lemon juice is also effective in this
way, and, if not used immoderately, may be applied without fear of evil
50o HOW TO BE UKAU riFUL.
consequences. For chapped hands and hps the following will be
found efficacious: Equal quantities of white wax (wax candle) and
sweet oil ; dissolve in these a small piece of camphor ; put it in a
jam crock, and place it upon the hob till melted. It must be kept
closely covered. It sh(/uld be applied to the hands after washinj,^
and previous to dr^'ing them.
A few drops of j^lycerine poured into the palms of the hands
after washing, and rubbed all over them before drying with a towel,
is perhaps the best and simplest remed)' for chapping ; but if good
soap is always used, and the hands well dried and protected by
warm gloves against the cold, the chapping will be prevented, which
is preferable to the very best cures.
Remedy for Chilblains.
Chilblains may be cured very speedily by rubbing into them morn-
ing and evening as much spirits of turpentine as they will absorb.
This must not be applied to broken chilblains, l)ut if taken in time
it will prevent their breaking. The water in which potatoes have
been boiled is an excellent remedy for chilblains on feet or hands.
These members should be put into the water while it is as hot as
can be borne. The same specific applies equally to what are called
"whitlows," or "felons" a gathering in the region of the finger-
nail that is extremely painful, and to which some are constitution-
ally liable.
When the feet are large, the owners should never be tempted into
wearing any but the very plainest boots and shoes. Ornamentation of
any kind makes the foot look larger. Even a pretty foot looks its best
in a perfectly plain satin slipper, with only a small rosette with buckle on
the toe. This rosette must not, however, be permitted to the large
foot. It may, certainly, be worn on the place intended for the instep,
when that ornamental rise in the outline of the foot is totally absent.
Lines of white stitching on the boot make it look larger than it really
is. The best boot for a large toot is one in which the toe-cap comes
well up on the foot. Its lines are thus broken up, and the apparent
HOW TO I]E IJEaU'I'IFUL. 507
length diminished. A pretty foot, on tlic contrary, looks better in a
boot that has no toe-cap, the "upper" of which is made all in one.
Tiiis display's to advantage the beautiful outline of the foot, and the
gentle but decided curve of the instep.
The possessors of large feet should be particularly careful to have their
boots perfectly cleaned and very glossy. The feet look much smaller
when this is the case than when the boot has a rim of mud around
the .sole and a shadow of dust ui)on the upi)ers. Where the instep is
defective or totally absent, a pretence at one ma\- be made b\' black-
ing that portion of the sole of the foot that is immediately adjacent to
the heel. This causes a kind of optical illusion which is favorable to
the flat-footed.
Patent leather is a most objectionable material for wearing upon the
feet. Through it ver.tilation is absolut^l)' impossible. So mucii for
the .sanitary part of the subject ; and as to convenience, this is as much
in the shade as sanitation, for patent leather " draws" the feet much
more than any other kind. Of late, ladies and children have begun
to l)orrow this material from gentlemen, but as much smaller shoes
can be worn with comfort in any other kind of leather, it is not likely to
become universally popular. Large feet should never be clad in satin.
Foot-Wear.
The fit of the stocking is almost as essential to the perfection of the
foot as that of the boot or the shoe itself It should be large enough
to allow freedom to the toes, and not so large as to wrinkle on the
foot. In a well-fitting stocking the foot can be more accurately meas-
ured than otherwise, and the comfort of the foot is sadly impeded by
an ill-fitting one.
The feet should be bathed every morning, and for those who walk
much, a daily change of stockings is advisable. This daily change is
more than advisable, it is necessary, for persons who suffer from
perspiring feet. Regular washing of the feet preserves their strength
and elasticity, and helps to keep them in shape. At least once a week
they should be washed in hot water, with plenty of soap, rubbing
508 liOW ru IIK liKAL I'lFL [..
tlirin with a ball of sandstone, which will be found a ven* useful article
for toilet [jurposes, also a tablcspoonful of Kretol in the water. The
nails should then be carefully pared, and, in drying the feet, much
friction should be used in order to stimulate the skin to healthy action.
When corns appear, they may be accepted with resignation as life-
Ion*^ acquaintances. .SeUU)ni, indeed, do the\' ([uit the \ictim, u ho
has invited them by ill-advised pinchin^s and squeezini^^s. All that
one can do is to keep them untler control b)' constant c;;re. The
treatment reconmiended is the same as that used for warts — \i/., to
\)are the liard and dry skin from the tops, and then touch them with
the smallest dro[) t)f acetic acid, taking care that the acid does not run
off the wart upon the neighborini;; skin, which would occasion inflam-
mation and much pain. This should be done once or twice a day
vith regularity.
We shoukl, no doubt, easily get rid of all our corns if we could
/lake up our minds to do without shoes, or even to wear them of
•iuch a large si/.e as would prevent all pressure upon the corn. This
disagreeable effect results t^uite as often fn)m badl}' made boo'^'5 as
from injudiciousK' tight ones.
There is a ])articular knack to be observed in paring a corn it
should be crt in such a manner as to excavate the center, while the
hardened sides are left to protect the more sensitive portion against
the pressure of the boot. When the corn is small and yet young, the
best application is a piece of soft buff-leather spread with adhesive
plaster and pierced in the center with a hole of exactly the size of the
summit of the corn. There are two varieties of corn, the hard and
the soft. The latter occurs between the toes, and is quite as painful
as, and less easily guarded against, than the hard variety.