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MR. HOOLEY 
 
 
 ON RECIPROCITY 
 
 zlc^V" 
 
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 REPRINTED FROM " INDUSTRIAL CANADA," 
 
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 SO LONG AS TFIEY LKT US HAVK THE LEFT WAN 
 IN THEJR POCKKT." 
 
N 
 
 MR. HOOLEY. ON RECIPROCITY AS 
 A\ADE IN WASHINGTON. 
 
 ** Good even in' to ye," said Mr. Grogan as 
 be entered Mr. Hooley's cosy little bar-room. 
 
 ** Hello, Grogan, have ye a dollar on ye ? " 
 answered Mr. Hooley, as he laid down a 
 paper he had been reading and leaned over 
 the bar. " Ah well ! 'tis mine now," he con- 
 tinued, having pocketed the dollar handed 
 him by the unwary Grogan. Then the old 
 man, with a shrewd smile breaking over his 
 face, carefully picked out a wooden tooth- 
 pick from a tumbler on the bar, and pre- 
 sented it to his little friend. " There now,'' 
 said he, " we're square." ** Square what ? " 
 queried the little man. ** What do ye call 
 that?" *'That," said Mr. Hooley, ** is 
 Reciproshity as made in Washin'ton." 
 ** Reciproshity," yelled Grogan, " I call it 
 Stalin'." ** P'raps it is," said Mr. Hooley, as 
 he calmly lit his pipe, ** but 'tis the kind they 
 make at Washin'ton for the frindly nations 
 an' the kind that we Canajins are given an' 
 that we take too, to the tune of millions of 
 dollars, an' of men too, Grogan, an' wid less 
 kickin' than you've made over that dollar. 
 
 " I've just been readin' a spache made at 
 
4 
 
 a convintion in Washin'ton, Grogan, an' 
 drawin' me own sensible conclusions, an' as 
 the lawyers say, readin' betune the lines. 
 
 " ' Twas like this : — 
 
 ** * Fellow Citizens,' sez the spaker, ' we're 
 the greatest nation on the earth an' the most 
 liberal. We have been,' sez he, Miberal in 
 the past, an' let us continue to thrate our 
 brother nations to the best advantage. The 
 quistion before us,' sez he, * is reciproshity 
 wid our Canajin brothers, an' I say, wid a 
 full heart— an' pocket— let us continue on 
 the lines we have been goin' for years, for it 
 has been good for us an' they're not kickin'. 
 Let us,' sez he, *say to our brothers in 
 Canada — " We will continue the same prin- 
 ciples that have brought gold an' glory to us, 
 an' may bring ' old glory ' to you." ' We 
 will,' sez he, * continue the same principles 
 of reciproshity we are now givin' you, in 
 effect. Lave your doors open free to our 
 steel rails,' sez he, * an' we, gentlemen, while 
 kapin' sivin dollars on our rails, will admit 
 your product of Wampum belts free. Give 
 the same low rate on agricoolthral imple- 
 ments an' we'll open our markets at twinty 
 per cint to yeer otter of roses. Lower the 
 bars on oats an' hay an' grain, an' we on our 
 part will freely meet you—Canajm brothers 
 — on yeer home grown tay. 
 
 \ 
 
i 
 
 tr 
 
 " * Reduce your tariff on cattle an' horses 
 an' sich like, an' we, sirs, will admit skyiarks 
 an' canary birds at twinty per cent. 
 
 " * Make aisy the way for the intry of our 
 nrachinery of all kinds, an' bank drafts an' 
 gold will be admitted free by us. 
 
 Fling wide your gates to our sheep an' 
 hogs, an' hins, an' fish an' ducks, an' the air 
 of yeer mountains an' lakes an' seas can flow 
 freely :hr'>' our portals. 
 
 "'A'Tiit, *sez he,' our wire an' illictric 
 mao'iines an' things like that, an' we will 
 pi-> i>il wireless telegraphs as free as the 
 j5r reteriT.1 to, an' under ihe same clause of 
 ths taiiff 
 
 " * Wd are,' sez he, * overflowin' with love 
 for ye, an' if ye continue to let us overflow ye 
 wid our produchts, the Sunny Smile of yeer 
 Primer will be free to shine at our bankwets. 
 
 " ' Don't wabte yeer time in buildin' works, 
 sez he, ' we've plinty, an' we'll build more on 
 tl orders ye sind us, an' if yeer boys haven't 
 any work at home, sind thim over here an' 
 we'll keep thim busy, an' if ye continue yeer 
 prisinc hivin sint policy, the boys ye sind 
 will niver forgit home as we can keep thim 
 wot kin' on your own orders. 
 
 " ' Let the Canajins,' he sez, * keep their 
 hands on the ploughs we supply, an' all will 
 be well for us. Remimber what the poet 
 
6 
 
 sez,' sez he, * " If I make the ploughs, I care 
 not who uses them." Let our Canajin frinds 
 till their soil, so long as we can keep on 
 emptin' their till,' sez he. 'Let thim keep on,' 
 sez he, * on their — " Tis more blissid to give 
 than to resave policy," an' we can stand the 
 resavin,' sez he. * Let us encourage thim to be 
 chewers of wood an' dhrinkers of wather, an' 
 let us continue to give thim the right hand 
 of frindship so long as they let us have the 
 lift wan in their pocket. Wid a policy such 
 as we have wid thim now we'll keep on 
 expoortin' thim from our farms an' mills an' 
 facthries, an' in return we only have to take 
 their dollars an' their young men, an' what 
 more do v/e w ant ? ' sez he, * what more need 
 we do until they kick ? ' sez he, * an' I say to 
 ye, fellow citizens, lave what's well for us 
 alone, an' wait till the fellow we are robbin' 
 gets on to it an' kicks, an' if he thrates us to 
 our own midicine, than 'twill be time to offer 
 better terms.' " 
 
 ** Thin why don't we kick," asked Grogan, 
 as the old man ceased. 
 
 " Sorrow a wan of me knows," answered 
 Mr Hooley, as he wiped his brow after his 
 oratorical effort. *' They say 'tis the far- 
 mers that lads like him I've been tellin' ye of 
 do be persuadin' that 'tis best for thim to 
 have it so, an' they say, too, that the Goovir- 
 
 I 
 
I 
 I 
 
 "'tis like atin' onions.'* 
 
8 
 
 ment here thinks the farmers don't want to 
 kick, but faith, Grogan, they'll find them- 
 selves mistaken wan of these days, for what 
 wid seein' their boys havin' to go over the 
 border for work an' wan thing an' another 
 the farmers an' iv'rywan else do be wakin' 
 up, an' learnin' what we larnt in ould Ireland, 
 avick, that farmin' alone will make no land 
 rich, that we n_ed the lads to ate an' buy as 
 well as the wans to plough an' gro . We 
 need the mills an' foundries an' workshops 
 that kape our sons at home to buy what 
 grows on our farms, for it 'tis the man that 
 drives the plough that makes the whate grow, 
 faith, 'tis the man that makes the plough 
 that ates it, and it pays better to have the 
 lads alongside of ye to buy what ye have to 
 sell, than to be payin' freight to the ind of 
 the world, an' we know too, Grogan, that 
 here in Canada we could feed millions more 
 at good profits, an' shtill have lash ins' to 
 rhip away. Faith ! if they had workin' men 
 alongside of thim in Ireland to ate all the 
 praties they can grow there, it's rich they'd 
 be, an so would we be here too, Grogan, if we 
 would honld up our own heads, build up our 
 own fince an' keep our boys at home by givin' 
 them work to do makin' our own ploughs an' 
 binders an' machines an' iv'rything we need 
 instid of sendin' first our work away over the 
 
 .4 
 
T 
 
 .4 
 
 whin the farmers get to know it, 
 they'll kick THO'." 
 
10 
 
 bordher an' thin havin' to sind our money 
 an' our boys afljr it, an' we will niver see 
 boys or dollars back again till we change the 
 tune. Whin the farmers get to know it, 
 they'll kick tho,' Grogan, an' they'll hear the 
 kick m Ottawa, for they have their ears to 
 the ground there." 
 
 *' Mebbe thira farmers are free thraders," 
 said Grogan. 
 
 •' Well," replied Mr. Hooley, " p'raps they 
 are, but I wud like to meet wan of thim an* 
 ask him, What that manes, wid a man that 
 won't thrade back, or shwap fair, who keeps 
 his fince so high that we can't reach over, 
 while our fince is small an' mane wid a bar 
 down almost all the way round. I'd say to 
 him, * Are ye willin ' your neighbor should be 
 dhrivin' his cattle through the low bar to 
 feed on your grass an' hay for nothin' an' 
 chargin' you iv'ry-time a hin hopped over 
 his fince, or an egg rolled under it.' I'd 
 say, * Tis foorce of circumstances that 
 makes fair thrade or free thrade right,' an' 
 *' Give an' take" would be both free and fair, 
 but all "give" is nayther the wan nor the 
 other.' Ah ! Grogan, 'tis like atin' onions. 
 If the lad ye have to lie down by is 
 atin' thim, ye must do the same or be 
 smothered, an' if the free thrade farmer 
 couldn't see that, what could he see ? Well, 
 
 1 
 
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 ! 
 
It 
 
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 JACK CANUCK BEGINS TO HUILU UP HIS WALL 
 
12 
 
 well, they call any wan that's aisy— * a farmer' 
 in the United Shtates. They must have 
 been thinkin' of the free tradin' wans whin 
 they invinted the word." 
 
 " What would ye do," queried Grogan, 
 "What I'm goin' to do now," said Mr. 
 Hooley, " Shut Up the Bar." 
 
 " Not on yer loife," yelled the little man, 
 ** till I have back my dollar." ** Well, here 
 'tis me son," said Mr. Hooley, '* faith ! if the 
 Goovirmint an' the people were as bright as J ^ 
 you an' kicked as hard, we'd have had our | 
 money an' our boys too back long ago, an' a ^ « ' | 
 fince up that would keep all tight aM'^^ » 
 prosperous." 
 
 Letus a. WakEc