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ita

ilure.

MR. HOOLEY

ON RECIPROCITY

zlc^V"

^■y-

REPRINTED FROM " INDUSTRIAL CANADA,"

rr**»v

«(

SO LONG AS TFIEY LKT US HAVK THE LEFT WAN
IN THEJR POCKKT."

MR. HOOLEY. ON RECIPROCITY AS
A\ADE IN WASHINGTON.

** Good even in' to ye," said Mr. Grogan as
be entered Mr. Hooley's cosy little bar-room.

** Hello, Grogan, have ye a dollar on ye ? "
answered Mr. Hooley, as he laid down a
paper he had been reading and leaned over
the bar. " Ah well ! 'tis mine now," he con-
tinued, having pocketed the dollar handed
him by the unwary Grogan. Then the old
man, with a shrewd smile breaking over his
face, carefully picked out a wooden tooth-
pick from a tumbler on the bar, and pre-
sented it to his little friend. " There now,''
said he, " we're square." ** Square what ? "
queried the little man. ** What do ye call
that?" *'That," said Mr. Hooley, ** is
Reciproshity as made in Washin'ton."
** Reciproshity," yelled Grogan, " I call it
Stalin'." ** P'raps it is," said Mr. Hooley, as
he calmly lit his pipe, ** but 'tis the kind they
make at Washin'ton for the frindly nations
an' the kind that we Canajins are given an'
that we take too, to the tune of millions of
dollars, an' of men too, Grogan, an' wid less
kickin' than you've made over that dollar.

" I've just been readin' a spache made at

a convintion in Washin'ton, Grogan, an'
drawin' me own sensible conclusions, an' as
the lawyers say, readin' betune the lines.

" ' Twas like this : —

** * Fellow Citizens,' sez the spaker, ' we're
the greatest nation on the earth an' the most
liberal. We have been,' sez he, Miberal in
the past, an' let us continue to thrate our
brother nations to the best advantage. The
quistion before us,' sez he, * is reciproshity
wid our Canajin brothers, an' I say, wid a
full heart— an' pocket— let us continue on
the lines we have been goin' for years, for it
has been good for us an' they're not kickin'.
Let us,' sez he, *say to our brothers in
Canada — " We will continue the same prin-
ciples that have brought gold an' glory to us,
an' may bring ' old glory ' to you." ' We
will,' sez he, * continue the same principles
of reciproshity we are now givin' you, in
effect. Lave your doors open free to our
steel rails,' sez he, * an' we, gentlemen, while
kapin' sivin dollars on our rails, will admit
your product of Wampum belts free. Give
the same low rate on agricoolthral imple-
ments an' we'll open our markets at twinty
per cint to yeer otter of roses. Lower the
bars on oats an' hay an' grain, an' we on our
part will freely meet you—Canajm brothers
— on yeer home grown tay.

" * Reduce your tariff on cattle an' horses
an' sich like, an' we, sirs, will admit skyiarks
an' canary birds at twinty per cent.

" * Make aisy the way for the intry of our
nrachinery of all kinds, an' bank drafts an'
gold will be admitted free by us.

Fling wide your gates to our sheep an'
hogs, an' hins, an' fish an' ducks, an' the air
of yeer mountains an' lakes an' seas can flow
freely :hr'>' our portals.

"'A'Tiit, *sez he,' our wire an' illictric
mao'iines an' things like that, an' we will
pi-> i>il wireless telegraphs as free as the
j5r reteriT.1 to, an' under ihe same clause of
ths taiiff

" * Wd are,' sez he, * overflowin' with love
for ye, an' if ye continue to let us overflow ye
wid our produchts, the Sunny Smile of yeer
Primer will be free to shine at our bankwets.

" ' Don't wabte yeer time in buildin' works,
sez he, ' we've plinty, an' we'll build more on
tl orders ye sind us, an' if yeer boys haven't
any work at home, sind thim over here an'
we'll keep thim busy, an' if ye continue yeer
prisinc hivin sint policy, the boys ye sind
will niver forgit home as we can keep thim
wot kin' on your own orders.

" ' Let the Canajins,' he sez, * keep their
hands on the ploughs we supply, an' all will
be well for us. Remimber what the poet

sez,' sez he, * " If I make the ploughs, I care
not who uses them." Let our Canajin frinds
till their soil, so long as we can keep on
emptin' their till,' sez he. 'Let thim keep on,'
sez he, * on their — " Tis more blissid to give
than to resave policy," an' we can stand the
resavin,' sez he. * Let us encourage thim to be
chewers of wood an' dhrinkers of wather, an'
let us continue to give thim the right hand
of frindship so long as they let us have the
lift wan in their pocket. Wid a policy such
as we have wid thim now we'll keep on
expoortin' thim from our farms an' mills an'
facthries, an' in return we only have to take
their dollars an' their young men, an' what
more do v/e w ant ? ' sez he, * what more need
we do until they kick ? ' sez he, * an' I say to
ye, fellow citizens, lave what's well for us
alone, an' wait till the fellow we are robbin'
gets on to it an' kicks, an' if he thrates us to
our own midicine, than 'twill be time to offer
better terms.' "

** Thin why don't we kick," asked Grogan,
as the old man ceased.

" Sorrow a wan of me knows," answered
Mr Hooley, as he wiped his brow after his
oratorical effort. *' They say 'tis the far-
mers that lads like him I've been tellin' ye of
do be persuadin' that 'tis best for thim to
have it so, an' they say, too, that the Goovir-

I
I

"'tis like atin' onions.'*

ment here thinks the farmers don't want to
kick, but faith, Grogan, they'll find them-
selves mistaken wan of these days, for what
wid seein' their boys havin' to go over the
border for work an' wan thing an' another
the farmers an' iv'rywan else do be wakin'
up, an' learnin' what we larnt in ould Ireland,
avick, that farmin' alone will make no land
rich, that we n_ed the lads to ate an' buy as
well as the wans to plough an' gro . We
need the mills an' foundries an' workshops
that kape our sons at home to buy what
grows on our farms, for it 'tis the man that
drives the plough that makes the whate grow,
faith, 'tis the man that makes the plough
that ates it, and it pays better to have the
lads alongside of ye to buy what ye have to
sell, than to be payin' freight to the ind of
the world, an' we know too, Grogan, that
here in Canada we could feed millions more
at good profits, an' shtill have lash ins' to
rhip away. Faith ! if they had workin' men
alongside of thim in Ireland to ate all the
praties they can grow there, it's rich they'd
be, an so would we be here too, Grogan, if we
would honld up our own heads, build up our
own fince an' keep our boys at home by givin'
them work to do makin' our own ploughs an'
binders an' machines an' iv'rything we need
instid of sendin' first our work away over the

whin the farmers get to know it,
they'll kick THO'."

bordher an' thin havin' to sind our money
an' our boys afljr it, an' we will niver see
boys or dollars back again till we change the
tune. Whin the farmers get to know it,
they'll kick tho,' Grogan, an' they'll hear the
kick m Ottawa, for they have their ears to
the ground there."

*' Mebbe thira farmers are free thraders,"
said Grogan.

•' Well," replied Mr. Hooley, " p'raps they
are, but I wud like to meet wan of thim an*
ask him, What that manes, wid a man that
won't thrade back, or shwap fair, who keeps
his fince so high that we can't reach over,
while our fince is small an' mane wid a bar
down almost all the way round. I'd say to
him, * Are ye willin ' your neighbor should be
dhrivin' his cattle through the low bar to
feed on your grass an' hay for nothin' an'
chargin' you iv'ry-time a hin hopped over
his fince, or an egg rolled under it.' I'd
say, * Tis foorce of circumstances that
makes fair thrade or free thrade right,' an'
*' Give an' take" would be both free and fair,
but all "give" is nayther the wan nor the
other.' Ah ! Grogan, 'tis like atin' onions.
If the lad ye have to lie down by is
atin' thim, ye must do the same or be
smothered, an' if the free thrade farmer
couldn't see that, what could he see ? Well,

JACK CANUCK BEGINS TO HUILU UP HIS WALL

well, they call any wan that's aisy— * a farmer'
in the United Shtates. They must have
been thinkin' of the free tradin' wans whin
they invinted the word."

" What would ye do," queried Grogan,
"What I'm goin' to do now," said Mr.
Hooley, " Shut Up the Bar."

" Not on yer loife," yelled the little man,
** till I have back my dollar." ** Well, here
'tis me son," said Mr. Hooley, '* faith ! if the
Goovirmint an' the people were as bright as J ^
you an' kicked as hard, we'd have had our |
money an' our boys too back long ago, an' a ^ « ' |
fince up that would keep all tight aM'^^ »
prosperous."

Letus a. WakEc