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The following diagrams illustrate the i.iethod: Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., f. filmds d des taux de reduction diff^re Lorsque le document est trop grand ( reproduit en un seul cliche, il est film de Tangle sup^rieur gauche, de gaud et de haut en bas, en prenant le nom d'images n^cessaire. Les diagramme: illustrent la m^thode. 1 2 3 1 (gS-v ..■^. ' VJt/ 4 «-H-K THE LIFE . — OF '•■) '^■.^~n.*>C\n'* 'll-i^r. r W'STi-.: : rjCOi C'i •i/f,i\- yv ._A^^AVV- Q^ J-i'i-'UOll l/j1„i^.^f«' V/» -on 'HIE- Adventures of a Push-cart. HY ta:\i,kn reysii. '^' *> •*" TouoNTo. 1881. Entered according to Act of Parliament in the year 1881. In the Office of the Minister of Agriculture. THE LIFE -or- OR THE — Adventures of a Push-cart, BY TAMEN REYSH. '''ORONTO, 1881. iJ f :; '■ H' . 'I * ■■' ■,;) M '• ■' ■ I M ,-. ( : ! '' H '• '• I I ■ ' »->• \ ,.1 ,>!,,.<• ; Johnston Buothkus, PpvINterh, 35 LoMiiARD St., Toronto. CHAPTER I. " Hang that tlieer boy, where kin he be ?" queried in excited tones an old man in a pleasant and flourishing village known as Te-wanta, in the southern part of the State of Tennessee, one sun shiny spring afternoon in the month of April, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and one, and the aged speaker flourished a stick the size of which was a guarantee company liability un- limited in itself — of the absence of the "boy." He was not a pleasant old man to look upon, and although he had grey hairs on his little bullet head, his watery wandering blue eyes has a vicious twinkle in them ill according with his otherwise respectable elderly aspect. Again he squeaked, for his every tone suggested "rats" and presently a small head comically resembling his own popped over the line of the f^nce just behind him and a small dirty fist the thumb of which touched a nose that had no particular apex, opened and waved its fingers gently and meditatively. Presently his father for there could be no doubt as to the relationship, caught a glimpse of the mocking imp over his shoulder, and straightway in spite of protesting yells "that theer boy" was receiving absolution at a rate that promised considerably to atone for his offences whatever they might be. " Now you Imp," he concluded after a liberal suppl}' of hickory " that 11 teach ye to hook off when I set ye weedin them taters." The boy howling started " weedin" diligently rubbing himself with one hand and indiscrim- inately pulling potato plants and weeds as they happened to have fraternized with the other. The old man meandered slowly up to the cottage still shaking his stick — 0— and muttering to liiniself, wlule the boy spying,' a cat wliich from tije woodshed had heeu hsteninj,' with a])parent uuvy to the bov'a squeals, saUitcMl it with a whirlwind of broken l)ottlea and clods- The cat evidently not wishing,' to become an interested party in the disc\Lssiou, disai»i)eared with a rapiditv that excited admiration in the lieart <>f tlu.' projec- tor, liis iather turned at the noise but seeitij,^ every sign of licked repentance in the boy retired into tlie house. The licked one following; suit, immediately retired to a seat on the fence, and surveyed the situation with a severely critical air. There were more comfortalile places than that fence and more handy ones, but this didn't seem to occur to the boy, or perhaps he thought the fence wanted kee])ing down, but at any rate he sat there and the prospect was not a happy one— seven acres of potatoes and Aveeds, in fact it would be more correct to say of weeds and potatoes, nine billions seven hundred and tv;enty three millions five thousand and two potato bugs, and three small ones not worth counthig, having started a new Syndicate on an opposition nr .ive weed. Johnnie, for he had a name other than "the boy," looked at his two hands and then at the broad expanse of acre's, and wonde; d why a small boy was created with onhf two hands and a potato patch force- ably brought under his notice. To introduce Johnnie more particularly it may be stated that he was the son of his father, and Avas a widower, of suiiicient means to support himself and son comfortably, having little more to do than superintending a Bmall but choice orchard, and the potato-patch refcred to and by far the lieaviest duty endeavouring to keep his sou John out of mischief. Presently a 'Caw' was heard, and Johnnies' face bright- ened, an answering ' Caw ' issued from his lips, and im- mediately^ one coukl have sworn that a rookery existed in the immediate neighbourhood. Caws sounded on every nand and mysteriously a number of small figures appeared in a line on the fence v/ith our hero and an animated dis- cussion on ways and means followed^ The difficulty was explained amid sympathizing caws, and Jonnie insinuated that if the " hull lot would help weed that theer patch, he would assist in a raid on the peaches" — 7— appertaining to his fathers orcl.iard. This was a.qreed to unanimously, and soon the auiience was hard at work, •lolnmie sitting on the fence with a patronizing air inciting them hy euggestions of how hig and juicy the fruit was, ann how the "dad" was going to send some to the fair. In a fc;v/ liours the weeds were hanish«;d and the potato bugs had departed to meet those gone before, inchiding the three lonely ones, and an adjoiirnment was made to the limbs of a neighbouring oak tree, wher-3 after many ' caws ' and tiutterings, intended to represent a rookery, ihe 'crows' roosted down to their satisfaction. Johnnie suggested that the usual oath should be taken to swear in the crowd, and in every variety of squeaks the ])oy8 choruased : " Thro' black night or sunshine, That 'eer fruit will be mine.'" "But will we git it soon," enquired Tommy Baxter, " To-night to he sure, when I mix the old man's pois(m I'll make it strong enougli to lift liim into bed. But don't yer think we, kin git at them pears too, I kin hold a fearful lot, an' Pete Nudel kin tell when tiiat peeler as boards next door to hira won't be round." Johnnies" eyes snapped with delight, but he cautiously waited with a meditative air before answering: "Well if Jim Hanford does the climbin' we might, I'm not much on the botanize myself." A still small voice here proceeded from a good looking little fellow, with the expression of a Spanish Duke, "Look 'ere Cullv, ye better not tell ' Pankv ' Kallam about this 'ere botanizin' biz, you see that purp Tallygram toilers him round, and if he gets noise he '11 riz the devil — sec Cully '? He's rhe smartest pui'j) roun' these 'ere diggins." (Loud caws and groans of disgust). " Well fellers, be round uliout ten o'clock to-night fl,nd don't caw too much, and now this meetins' dissolved with a 'siney diney' as the papers say." Ten o'cdock came, and ]\[acdonald was sleeping the sleep of the unsuspecting and the reverberating thunder of his snoring eddied and stormed through the frail tenement, and in the clear summer night in the orchard adjoining a r — 8— cautious and ])rolonged caw was lieard. The cool night hreezes were whispering to the fluttering leaves who pighed their answers back while the stars winked and blinked knowingly. A shaking of branches not caused by the /.ephers, and a dull sound of falling fruit could be dimly observed while low whispers not of the leaves were heard on livery hand. The purp was remarkable for its absence and the fruit "dropped" lively, all wns " hunky, ye moind now,"' as a small voice curiously like Pete Nudel's cauiiousiy observed. Suddenly piercing the still night air a shrill squeal broke forth, and a general cry of the "Purp" which animal coming on the scene, unobservedly, had fastened on the hdHc-wovkti of Bob Shanly — wai*ning ' caws ' sounded forth and a disorderly retreat followed. Meanwhile in ^he midst of the confusion that prevailed Johnnie Avith great presence of mind struggled with the animal trying to open his jaws with a stick while Tony Piper coaxed off the small black-an-tan, which had set up a terrible lit of barking that threatened to throw it into convulsions and terminate its small existance. But the mischief had been done, Macdonald was awakened by the noise, and was now heard swearing and howling for Johnnie who kicking off his nether garments as he ran, dived into jiis bedroom-window and appeared before his irate ]iarent with what he conceived to be an expression of mjured innocence on his precocious countenance, namely shutting one eye and opening his mouth in a perfect (lemocratic gape, the combination having in his idea a charming effect. "You infernal limb what noise was that in my orchard," howled Macdonahi, "What noise?" (innocently) "You know what noise and by Judas' money bag, I'll skin you alive if ye had." " I don't know what yer mean, I never had no bag with Judas' money — yer allers lickin' me for nothin." "Don't stand talkin' there, bring that lantern and foilor me," and the old man with a musket that for size would have been invaluable to Esau and enabled him to circumvent Jacob, it being one-half stock the other an unrijlcd barrel with no stevl to it, and Jacob could never have coaxed it to go off. — 9— Johnnie trotted along in the wake of his father gaping and yawning audibly, too audibly for he caught a back- handed whack that effectually removed any necessity for disguising his feelings, he yelled, and he yelled so loud +hat his voice reached through and through the orchard, giv. )g ample warning to any reckless straggler to leave or faie the aqiKill. Another cuff caused him to subside. They had now arrived at the part where they could hardly move without crushing choice fruit under their feet. The old man's wrath was withering, Johnnies' indignation was hardly less so — assuming it was real — with deep lamentations he felt around the ground, and after reefing in his shirt he filled it with fruit. Meanwhile his father was dancing round })oking his gun up at every dark cluster of foilage under the impression that a depredator was concealed therein. Tree after tree was examined while he "cussed" with a vigor that disheartened Johnnie. He could never hope to compete with the pure native talent of his father, and the bad boy surrepticiously swallowed a peach and groaned. Suddenly the gun pointed up to a particularly favourite tree, and Johnnie was called to throw the light of the lantern up, and to his surprise he saw a small figure hidden in the foilage near the top. The reckless man tried to fire hia gun, but it missed fire (Johnnie chuckled) but not to be foiled the gun was dropped, and grasping a limb, up he went, when about half way up a twig snapped and down he came on the run. With a very earnest cry of alarm Johnnie dropped the lantern, and lalUjgram who now had returned grasped the old man in the unceremonious manner he had treaiedthe boy Shaniey — and now an extraordinary scene took place — in the darkness the " purp " chewed and tore — Johnnie at a short distance earnestly cawed. The old sinner's yells, howls, and squeaks. The solemn caws. The old man still endeavouring to encircle the tr» e with his arras while wrestHng with the dog. However, a small figure did descend and disappear over the fence with a mocking caw. Let us draw the veil of mercy over the scene. Nfxt day the old man held an investigation and a large number of the boys were examined who duly testitied to their own innocence in particular and the iniquity of other boys in general, and the boy Shaniey who specially —10— fell uiuler suspicion, wns warned not to l)rin ho wouhl smile : finally lie wound up hy eulogizing the masteidy nninne)' in wliich the raid was accomplislied on the previous evening, a^iparently without the vaguest idea that it was a material infringement of tlio commandment " Thou shalt not steal," an, and invested hin littk- all in a Push- cart. This Push-cart was at first an uni'athonahle mystery to tlie viUagers. In appearance it was a nondescript sort of machine, mounted on two large wheels and reversible, that is it had handles at both ends. As time however marched on witli solemn footsteps so did tlie Push-cart, and with it was developed the wonderful faculty of absorp- tion. Poultry never lingered around that Push-cart. As soon as the procession came in sight, the cart first and the Doctor hoofing along in the rear, cackle, cackle, skedaddled abs(iuatulat(;d vamoosed every winged creature to the tem- porary seclusion of its roost. Not that the Doctor as \w was called (doubtless from his professional instincts) would have touched them. lie would have scorned such an action and so would tlie Push-cart, but out of the corner of his t-ye a sure ni'mi«is would follow them. The Doctor's full name was appalling in its grand and awful character DOCTOR EAPHAEL ASSASINATION POMPEY SHEPHERD, but it was all his own, no one could ever deprive lum of one of those noble and expressive names. The Doc's ostensil)le means of support were de- rived from what he always explained by "de bone and iron industry," some envious persons said it ought to have been " by honing de iron industrys." In appearance tlie Dr. was a True type of the African race, average height, black as the ace of spades, curly and melodious. The most geogi'aphically important feature was undoubtedly his lips, they were so large that it was said the Dr. used on cold days to tie the —14— iictlier ono round his head to keep his ears warm, however this may have heeii, the Dr. exphiined on one oeeasion when interrogated by a deputation of inquisitive villajrers " ff dem war large, dar war no fear of i,rehin' on dem." certainly the Dr. was right, his feet projected so far forward as well as backwards that the lips were safe. I]ut shortly after the advent of the Push-cart, sin crept into the garden. The trail of the serpent (not the Pusli- ilt'il Ejj^s, Johnny Cake, Jam Fingers, and a small hoMo of Bear, which was drank from ont of the bottle, each drink l)eit)p; carefully superintended liy a ri4'roslinient committee eonsistin.ii; of the whole Society. The only draw bai^k was that Pete Nudel was cauf:;ht hidin*,' a piece of Johnnie Caki- in his hat, for which he was severely re})remandcd, Tlu' meetinf]; then dissolved with the understavding that Johnnie under the escort of Pelc|; (.'loose ajid Charley lliniei-od pro- ceed hom^s 'hone' all the ared trembling in his shirt tail, so the old man arose int last and grasping a stick whic-h was handy, and carelu'ly bending it, to show how limber it was, witb a wicked chuckle put for tl]e door, in his hurry barking his shins on a box which btood near the door. IIopele:isly calm witii wrath he attempted to open the door which resisted his efforts. Then with a Commauche yell he pwued and -27- J pulP'fi— door quite indiiferent and firm— in bis wrath he ima-uied he could hear Johnnie snickering in the hall, and with a frantic pull the door gave wa}-. There was a sound of broken glass, and as he picked himself up, and pulled a rocking-chair out of his l)ack, the aged sinner could see that he had pulled the sash out of the wall and broken every pane of glass. In a second he was in Johnnies room— which of course was empty. A few minutes inves- tigation made it apparent that'Jobnnie had sloped, and he meandered down stairs. He reached his hand into the pantry for the bottle, for he could have put his hand on it immediately in the dark, but the bottle was gone, and as Johnnie had remarked its spirit had departed. A further search showed that his pipe and 'baccy' had disappeared. The old man had nothing equal to the occasion, so he deliberately knelt down and prayed. On several occasions the Dr. was observed hanging suspiciously round in the neighbourhood of small parties of Crows apparently anxious to over-hear their conversations, and being on friendly terms with Macdonaldhewas suspected of wanting to (five airay Johnnie. On one occasion several Crows caught him behind a fence listening to their conversa- tion and threw several large rocks forhim tocatch. TheDr. refused to receive any, and returned them. In the anxiety of l)oth sides to get rid of their surplus mineral wealtb, the Dr. received a severe impression of a rock on his head, two Crows went into mourning with tbeir eyes, while the third Crow who had been trying to calm the agitation around him was laid out with a sample machine-pressed brick. He didn't want tbat brick, but it was sprung on him so suddenly that he gave way. Poor little peacemaker if he had only had tmietohave pressed the Dr. by the hand and thanked' him, and said do it again on the other side— do it all you want to, it would not have been serious he would have got well right off, because when a fellow does a noble deed like that he can't die, it's, just when he trys to kick soniv gentle innocent looking stranger he gets chawed up and spat into kmgdom come. So the Dr. hoofed off without being thanked, and didn't look mournful either, and tlie two Crows carried the "little earth angel" to a stream and poured muddy water down his throat until he came to, for fear of being strangled, and got mad and kicked one of them in the shius. —28— Soon after this oeeurance an important additon to tlio landscape of the place appeared in the shape of hand hills, ot which the following is a copy : " "la Saiiom it man (Tonccm : " WHEREAS, ray son John, a boy of fourteen " years or thereabout, possessed of a Devil or a " score of them, has left ray alwdeand habitation " without leave. " TAKE NOTICE, that any person or per- " sons harbouring him will be prosecuted, and I " will pay the sum of Twenty Shillings for his " apprpxiension. (Signed.) " Otter-wa. JOHN MACDONALD." Strangely enough one of those Bills was posted on the old barn, and it was the lirst thing that caught Johnnie's eye wlien he emerged from the barn. Johnnie read it carefully through and through, and then stood on his head with his feet restin- on the biil and read it again. This attitude seemed favourable for mental concentration, for he stood in this position for a short time occasionally squinting cross-eyed at the obnox- ious bill. He then advanced his thumb to his nose, and was about to further insult the unconcious poster when he suddenly collapsed and rolled over. In a few minutes Scouts came hastily in and informed their ch-ct how the Printer had struggle.! with the old man lor an hour endeavouring to make him " let up " on the Drnis, but m vain, and how the Peeler was on the war- l.ath with a Warrant, which old Squire Henderson had —29- An informal meeting was immediately formed, but ))efore proceeding to business a difficulty arose. There were only five present, and it took six to constitute a " korara," Johnnie however fixed this to the satisfaction of the meeting, by bringing in the poster, which he stuck on the end of a pole and stood it up in the corner. "The ole man won't make no row, and won't vote neither way," he explained. Johnnie then in a short speech said : " Feller Crows and Marters in a noble cause, (loud cheers and hear, hear) youre here to-day (hear, hear, but checked). Youre here to-day I say, for to see what's best tew be done about this yere cus' in the corner, (pointing to the poster) as also what we will do 'bout keepin' yer great instewshun, yer own noble chief, (hear, hear) from the risk of bein' pulled, and I calls on yer to sustain me, (bet yer pants we will) and as how I ain". going to take any back water no how. I takes my seat. (Loud applause.) Piper rose to follow, but was pulled down and squeaked " I ain't goin' to be sot on cully, I'll speak," upon threats of of being *' fired out" he subsided. " Yer worships and Ryall 'ighness," commenced little Tom Berginson, who was a new member, and was making his maiden speech, " I lows with what yer said. But if ye gets copped by the Jedge, ye'll get Pinitintiary for life at least, and me'be be hanged besides, and we kint save ye then, no how, (deep gloom) but ye would go heaven, if the devil don't ^it hanged people, and be happy and know all 'bout how we're gittin' on. (Deeper gloom observed on Johnnie's face.) And then Tommy paused, not knowing how to wind up, and said "Amen." Groans resounded vigorously in the room, and little Tony Piper moved to tears by this eloquent speech was caught praying, with his eyes directed beseechingly at the Poster. Upon being puiled away, he attempted with some vague idea of comforting Johnnie to sing " Sweet bye and bye." This wouldn't suflice him, "give us a rest, ' failed, and in his mental grief he took off his hat, and attempted to take up a collection, but the lioys getting mad shoved liim into the barrel where tuey could hear him squeaking out ; "Now I'll lay me down to sleep," &c. —80— The sat round in dead silence, and when suddenly the door ojiened their faces blanched, and Tony from the barrel squeaked : — " Oh, they'll hang ye Cully, Amen." It was only a 'Crow' however who had entered, and in revenge for their fright Tony was pulled out by the legs and 'basted' with Johnnie's club of ollice, the most fright- ened mem})er3 putting in the hardest licks. The newly arrived member had nothing of consequence to communicate, and after a short gloomy debate as to the procedure to be followed in such a case, it was resolved to hold a funeral service oA'er their Chief in accordance Avith their rites, which was done by Johnnie being laid out in a sheet, and then Toney Piper as representing thr religious element made a funeral oration : " Feller Crows, our noble Chief is now dead, (groan from the corpse) dun tew death by ther' laws — of — of — ther' land, you know, (hear, hear.) He died happy from fright (kick in the shin from tlie corpse). Well, what did yer die of then if yer didn't. (Corpse subsided). I feel tew, like dyin'. VVlier ther' angels ai'e look fur our Chief. (Here a grin was observed on the face of the coqjse, to represent sui)remo happiness.) Let's sing our Sunday School Hymn, you know — about " Fare you well." The Crows sang (includ- ing the corpse). *" My dear comnanions, fare yon well, I cannot go with you to hell ! My journey lies the other way. Fare vou well, fare von well." Johnnie then arose, and solemnly shook hands with the memljors, who promised to look round as often as possible, and left. *The author remembers a hymn commencing with the above Unes with exception of third line, and frcqutnily heard it sung with great gusto in Sunday School when a boy. —31- CHAPTER IV. -o- Tlie soft s^Yeet air mingles with the pleasant fragrenee of the pines, which make that indescribahle perfume of summer, the gentle lulling murmur of the breezes swaying the tops of the lofty pines, picking up stray leaves with invi8ai)le fingers and laying them gently at your feet. The soft kiss of the perfumed wind on your cheek," more delicious than "the caress of the fair hps of a beautiful woman. Who has not realized all this and more, and felt that strange mystic yearning after something, you know not what, but something as immeasurably above you as the lieavens are above the earth. The heart swells and throbs, the eyes fill with tears. It is a pr.tch of bush, of about five acres, and on a large rotten trunk of a fallen tree Doc. Sheppard sat com- muning with Jiimaelf as follows : '"Dar am tew ways oh doin' a ting — doin' it an leabin' it alou'. When I kint do it de one way, I does it do oder, 80 I'se boun' to seceed in dt; end — dat's lo(fi<\ Now I did i)of togeder dat time, when I jist walked 'long behind dat brindle heifer, an she jist walked to whar I wase goin" myself,— an she didn't want ter go l)ack no how— dat's logic tea-. Sho' dis ain't bad country no how. Now dar's dat 'ere Pushcart, he ain't no great shakes to look at but him a debil fur bizness — dat 'ere Pushcart kin mos find him way hum his-self on a "mergency. But 1 ain't trubbled 'bout dat, I'se tinkin' 'lK)utiULharik'rouvt ob mine. It am just two picayunes mo' or less, an it am no mo' certain. Now dar's dem dar Crisey Bown & Co., dey am crissen gemmen, an I ain't no how "bove habin' dealins wid dem. 1 will rise an go an trade wid dem decent ])USBens. And the Dr. gently arose and took hold of his Pushcart and —32— wended his wa}- toward the villa<,'e, and arriving there paused in front of a wholesale biscuit factory, where a tire liad occurred a few days before .Mid damaged a large amount of stock. The Pushcart was carefullv tied to a post, and the Dr. after a loud "Whoa' dp.ie — stan' dare now!" passed into the factory. Here in a large room were several hundred Hour bags, all slightly damaged by smoke or water. The Dr. eyed them, and a smile as gentle as an infants illuminated his countenance. " Whar's my deah brudder Bown dis fine day, Sah :'" he inquired of a clerk who was busily sorting the bags. "He's inside there Sir. in the office, Sir," replied the clerk deeply impressed by the " Deah Brudder." The Dr. passed in, and bowed lowly to the gentleman busily working in the office, removing his hat as he did so. "How is my deah brudder Bown to-day, Sah ?" queried the Dr. The gentleman appeared slightly surprised, but replied courtiously : "Very well, I thank you." " Dis yere berry fine day, Sah," pursued the Dr. "It is indeed, Sir. May I ask what I can do for you to-day ?" and here the gentleman felt in his left hand pants pocket where some coin jingled. " What you mean, Sah ? I's a merchandiser ob dis yere town, an I'se wantin' tew buy dem ycr bags out on a Bpeculashun." " Oh ! I really beg your pardon. Sir. I remember — Oh yes, you're a gentleman of means here, I am really ashamed not to have remembered you," hastily answered the gentleman, confused by his mistake. "Your name is ?'' "Dr. B. A. P. Sheppard, Sah >" " Oh yes ! [uite familiar indeed. Weil we will take twelve cents a piece for the bags. They are nearly as good as new." " Yea Sah, I'll gib yer eleben cents and a half, Sah ?" " W^ell, we won't quarrel over half a cent in the trans- action. You may have them at that." " All rite, Sah. My deah brudder, I will take dem a» a crissen gemmen. Eite off, Sah." "Well, as to the cash, Sir, of course?" —33— "Oh yes, Sah. I sells dem rite off, and gibs my cheque fur de cash, when I gets the cheque rite off from de pussen dat buys dem frum me — my deah Brudder Bown." " Yes, I see, you have a customer already — but you have capital yourself?" " Ya ! my deah brudder, dat's all rite. I'se got my wealth whar dar aint no fear ob thieves breakin' in an stealin', but I'se not got de cheque book wid me, my deah brudder." "All right Mr. Sheiipard, ask the clerk to superintend the counting and removal of the goois." And the gentle- man resumed his seat and continued his work. " Good day, my deah Brudder." " Good day. Sir." And as the Dr. left the gentleman exclaimed " Well, that is a simple-minded honest fellow. [ would trust him with a thousand dollars. Got wealth too — where thieves don't break in and steal — quite scriptural really." And a happy smile stole over his face. In twenty-nine seconds a large express cart was at the door, and the Dr. re-entered the factory, where he addressed the young man : — " Yung man, I orders yer to help carry dem bags out while / counts dem, as my doah fren' brudder Bown tole me." The astonished young man looked at tiie Dr., but he still more imperatively exclaimed "Don't stan' dare wastin' my valleyable time yung man — You'll nebber grow wealthy bv wastin' time. / nebber waste time, an look at mr." And the Dr. looked so wild that the young man concluded that he would waste his whole life, and eternity, before he would look Hke that. However, he picked up a pile of bags the Dr. hastily threw towards him, and with the expressman's assistance loaded the waggon. '-^ •■ - Off drove the driver to deah Brudder Lumbers, as the Dr. called him. And t)ie ill-used young man starterl load- ing the Pushcart. When full, the" Dr. posted hira off with it, cautioning him to bo careful and not let it run away. Load after load was carried awuy, till the last our towered up ten feet above the cart,— and the Dr. triuni ■ untly sitting on top holding tlie Pushcart by the string disappeared :n a halo of business and bags to the great anil —34— )>ermaiiont, as he believed, relief of the young man. Arrived at ^fr. Lumbers, the Dr. sent the l''xj)resHman back to AfesHrH Criney Bown & Co., to collect his c-harges. And in ten minutes was hooting back to that identical stumj) with a cheque for Sixty Dollars in his pocket. While Mr. Hown, who had just discovered that the Dr's. wealth icos where thieves do not usually operate, groaned and softly whistled " One more ribber to cro?s." The "young man" executed a war-dance of rage that would have made Sitting Bull's heart burst with envy, if that noble old fellow hadn't been buried for (5, 000 years, and his heart presumably past careing for war-dances. As the Dr. meandered along, he was heard to murmur " Yah, dean Brudder Bown, 'it am more blessed to gib' den to receibe.' " In the forest glade once more the Dr. tested a tree as to its soundness, and satisfied that it shewed no immediate disposition to abscond, carefully tied the Pushcart to it. He seated himself on the stump and mused : " Now dis "ere cheque is rite 'ere in dem hands ob mine. De pussen dat gib it tew me, wud ab liked tew freeze to it, but dey dassen't. My deah Brudder Bown wud ab liked it also, but dey must lern dat riches am fleetin' and bags am risky capital." And the Dr. sighed and whispered softly : "Oh, lub far a yere, Oh, lub fur a day, But dod rot de lub, Dat last alway." "Now dem deah Brudders will cus' a little, kinder, an tiing roun', but dey will see dat if dey lay up der treasures on high, dey ken find dem when d*y die. Dat's logic, I tinks, but I'se not shur. Now I sole dem bags fur tweUe picayunes by de bag, I tinks dat Massa, I means my deah Brudder Lumbers wud mcs' take thirteen cents each fur dem, pay'ble when he gets it. I aint no how proud, an I'se agoin' down to trade wid my deah brudder. I'se mcs sure him a pussen ob de 'ighesi specability." And the Pushcart was again pointing for the village, but this time the Dr. came round by the other end of the — R5— village — the Pushcart wanted to go this war, and he hum- ored it. Arrived at Mr. Lumbers' lie gently slid in and found that Mr. Lumbers was out, as also the clerk who had a knowledge of the previous transaction. The clerk ho found there was a stranger to him not having been present at the former negotiations. " Yoah don't know whar' my deah Brudder Lumbers is ?" "No, I do not. May I ask what you want ?" asked the clerk. The Dr's. lips moved spasmodically, his eyes rolled, his ears wagged, and his knees shook, as he thought of all he did want but soon the usual confiding smile appeared on his face, meandered round his cheeks, absorbed his ears and climbed up the back of his head, and he gently answered "Yung man, dat queshion am a sneezer ob de fust water, an a cornuudrura ter boot, an I ain't in dat line, but if yer want ter know what I'se heah fur, I'se cum ter buy dem bags." "Well, what about them ?" " Wall, I wants dem bags at de market price ob dem, rite off. I's in de trade. I'se sufferin' fur want ob dem bags. I cums fur dem rite off. I ain't proud, yu' heah ?" "Well, you can have them for cash ?" " Cash ! Sail. Do I eber deal 'cept fur cash. Am 1 de kin of i)U8sen ter want tew. Look at dat Pushcart tied to dat post dar. Ain't I a pussen ob means. Ain't dat my property. Tell me dat ?" And the Dr. fingered the two cents in his pocket ostentatiously, and quietly hugged the cheque. " Well of course you can have them at the price, thir- teen cents apiece." " Wall Sah, I will take de fust load on de Pushcart." And the Dr. bent down, and grabbed about fifteen in one vast comprehensive spread. But, the door had opened quietly, and a ftumber nine boot gravitated towards hii:i with that peculiar impulsiveness of a walking-beam, and the Dr. was not there. He didn't know where he was for a moment, but just as he was about to alight, he struck against that vast fateful loot agahi ; and in a few minutes when the dust had settled the Dr. was seen two miles away climbing a hill with the Pushcart waltzing ahead. —36— The Dr's. remarks showed that he had lost faith in that loj,' in the forest, and wasn't going hack there for any more inspiration. The burih.jn of his^ remarks as he hoofed along was : " I heered de voice thou kint no heah, A foot thou kint no feel." There was great consternation in Tewan-ta a few days after the bag transaction. A Peddler, tired with the heat of the day, had gone to sleep in the shelter of a bush near the village, and when he awoke found his Pack missing. The Pack was valuable, in fact there were several hundred dollars worth of goods in it. The Peddler threatened to sue the Township for damages, and the Township looked round to see where the missing goods had gone to. The Dr. having appeared in public with rather more style than usual, having had soma buttons placed in different locations about his apparel where their utility had been previously ignored, with that child like innocence that is supposed to distinguish a native African, immediately fell under suspic- ion and was arrested. His Counsel in the law Mr. Bedford Brake was sent for. Mr. Brake was a man of distinguished talents, and had on several occasions been engaged in important diplo- matic missions for the Government in which he gained considerable credit. A description of the learned gentleman might be in- teresting. About forty-three years of age, height perhaps five feet eleven — he was well built and of sturdy appearance. But there was more than this, if there was not his description •would end here. Mr. Brake always wore a slouch felt hat, that in its vast gloomy over-reachiness cast a pyramidal shadow on the grand but absorbed countenance that looked forth with unseeing stoney gaze from beneath. A pair of spectacles mounted guard on the advanced picket of his nose, while the mouth "spoke volumes" for the determina- tion and will of the owner. Mr. B. never saw anyone or anything. Erect and silent, v\*«h the mildewed hetacombsof learning of the past —37— apjea radiating from liim with the cold hrillnncy of a ^Yinters frost, he moved along with a certain resistless pressure that seemed to force aside all rash influences that would obstruct his path. So crushing would be that fateful Pre- sence. So suggestive of a mighty Avalanche, slowly but surely gliding down, bearing inevitalde destruction to you that you mistake your stick for an nlpanstock and jump half way across the road. But the Presence never strikes anything, but goes gliding by witliout so mucdi as honour- ing you with a look, and you draw a long breath and wonder what would hapi)en if you were to crawl up and kick the Presence from the rear. Would IT turn slowly round and fix that Cyclops gaze upon 3^011, and would you slowly congeal and stiffen and become a thiiip with frozen eye-balls and icy form— horrible — you don't think you u-iU mind that kick then. ^ J hit now Mr. Brake stands in the presence of the .T)r. " Well JJoc, so you are * sowed up ' again, eh ?" " Ya, Pse impounded by de laws ob an outraged madjesty ob an ilh gal country. An Pse charged by de 'diteui'-nt wid wholesale larceny and vagrancy ob a Ped- lers trap, ya, dat's it. An I ain't guilty no how, and de law ain't worth shucks dat Pse impounded on, dar, dats what 1 tink "bout (l((t. " Well Doc, hows the a.crhnqucr .'" The Dr. jumped about six feet. " Who tole yu dat, I ain't i/ot no chrqucr. Dat's lil), 1." " I mean hows spotts' to-day'.^" " I don't spon nuftin. Pse wantin' yur 'pinion 'lout dis heah case. Pse agoin tew sue de Gubelment fur $'2(' ■•.- ()()() fur religious persecutsliun, and annoder $].'.)(), (*;()'; fur de foolin wid de sacred })usseji ob de rites ob de subjtct. " " liut Dec, hows ca ?" / "Ya, Pse got berry str(;adinary good case, and de ('!ub- erment am shakin in dare lioots, but Pse not gwhie ti w let dem off one picayune less den dat. i ain't goiji to leab dis cell till 1 gets my rites." " But Doc, hows vour ffan '?" " Ya, Pse got a J'nw Inuid ob trumps, and de Gr.be-.-- ment kuouH dat, and iU-y aint got nulJiii to j-laista::! lier position in dis matter.'" ~S8- "But Doctor Pi. A. P. Sheppavd, liows cash, finances, wealth, spons, retaiuers, dishursements, fees, gold, dollars, crowns, shillings and pence, with you — eh ?" The Dr's. hands sank slowly down his pockets — lower and lower they went, till they sank down into his boots ; l)ut suddenly springing up with an anxious air he exclaimed " Who stole dat air Porimanshe ob mine, wid $400 and a postage stamp. Who took dat wealth out ob dat lef ban" pocket. Who ware I neah last '?" and the L)r. gazed sus- piciously around. " Well Doc. I cannot undertake your defence on the strength of the wealth you have lost, and 1 must wish \ou a good day." " But Massa Brake, I aint goin' ter stick at a few dollars no how. Pll gib yer a monkey on de Pushcart, an my note-ob-hand fur collatral skurity." " A monkey, what in goodness is that ?" enquired the Presence. " A Chattel Morgagc, long tail on hum " The Dr. was alone. In the solitude of his cell the Dr. whispered : " Dat Sary's got de money fur dat cheque, an I'll ncbber see it again, sure. Dat's do way dat woman lubs yer." The Government not having taken " back water" nor made any offer to compromise theDr't claim I'or $^00,000. in due course the trial came on, and the Dr. was unpro- vided with funds for his defence. Sarah had refused to risji the money the Dr. had obtained by tlie bag transacti(U» in the precarious result of the trial, the Dr. was lu-oiight into the crowded court room by the Sheriff, and the Judge looked at his indignant bearing with an amused smile. The Clerk of the Court read the indictment as follows; '• You, Doctor Sheppard, stand indicted by the name of Doctor B. A. P. She])pard, charged with stealing bcning carrying away and sloping with one hundred pocket brjoks, Batchels, valises, trunks, sales and packing cases from u lane, field, concession, township, county and state, and appropriating it to your own use interest and behoof, what Bay you Doctor K. A. P. Sheppard, are vou guilty or not guilty?" —39— " I aint charged wid stealin' de whole village, am I ?" queried the Dr. " You have heard tne indictment, answer to it, are you guilty or not guilty?" replied the Clerk. " Bet yur hald head I aint !" A verdict of not guilty was recorded. A jury was now impannelled, and the clerk started to swear them one hy one. The Dr. arose in the dock, and as the first man was about to kiss the book, gently remarked "Don't want 'um." The next man was also challenged, and tl'e next, and so on, till all twelve stepped down and out. Another jury met with the same ill-luck, and another, and the clerk was getting last exhausted, for the Dr. invariably allowed him to proceed till he reached the concluding words of the oath " so help you " and the sanguine juryman would be just kissing the book when " Don't want him," would calmly issue from the Dr's. lips, and the clerk would in- warrisoners, or the prosecution having challenged s tme till exhausted as aforesaid; then and in such case the Sheriff shall and uill draft a fresh Panel ad infinitum, or io long as a necessitg for the same shall exist.'' "What de meanin ob infer kiteum /" enquired the Dr. The Judge explained to him very clearly the meaning of the words ad injinitum. And the Dr. warmly congratulated His Lordship on knowing so much, but explained that " dem tings yer find out axedental," and further asked His Lordsliip whether he had a " white plug," the Dr. received no satisfactory unswer to this. The Clerk had heard in a dim kind of way that such a section in the Statute diil exist, but had never any occasion to refer to it before, and when he read the concluding part —40— iirid tlunight he (liseornerl the torriblo piirjiose of the Dr jus heart sank witln'n him. His office liad boon ivf^mrdcd ]>y some as a sort of sinecure, hut at this rate $50,000 a year wouldn't remunerate him. The wretched man drew anotlier panel and outn-ardly wireci otf tlie oath m tlje usui.,1 plain unornamental stvle wniie inthn shades of Hades the cus, cus, cus, towerino cussmnr, ancient and modern architectural cussing, taiier*^ mg mmerets, solemn pyramids, flat mansard roof cussm'^ temple., mosqnes, medieval gods and modern jackasses.' Whole processions of sable ancestry (not his own) marching' l)elore him, having their most sacred feelings lacerated and torn . \\ hirl winds, cyclones, tempests and the universe mingled in one grand burst of— not //armony— as the second panel was exhausted. A third panel was drawn and the exhausted man tried to continue adininisterin" the oath, hut his tongue clave to the roof of his mouth. "For twenty years he had never been able to repeat the oath without the aul of the book, but now he could stand on his head and squeal it through his ears. The Judge leaned over and whispered to him, and the Dr. immediately asked : " What's dat deadwood yer tryin' ter get on me '?" He was assured that the Court did not mean anything against him by whispering and he subsided. The Court now picked on a fellow who had a mouth in all respects hke a fancy hen house and he cackled away at tlie oath while the Slieriif an^' his assistants were awav drawing reserve panels all over die Township. But the day passed a^ay and not one Juryman had yet l)een selected. The Dr. was led away murmnring " Many am called but lew war chosen." The next day the Sheriff had 4000 men ready in a hundrea acre field, each with a dollar bill in his fist, and the trial continued. The first twelve men were called, and m^orn the Dr. remarking "Dems de twelve decent men dat Ise been waitin' fur." The Sheriff dismissed his armv and waltzed into Court with a shot gun in each hand, and his sword in his teeth, but was prevented with great diffi- culty from giving the Dr. a Free Pass to the Supreme Court where there is no Appeal. —41— The Dr. calmly turned to the Court and said "Ain't dat Sheriff an officer oh dis Court ob Law '?" Upon heing assured that ho was, he exclaimed : " Den I reject to dib heah trial on de groun' dat a officer oh dis Court am ])er- judieed agin me." The Counsel for the Crown Mr. T^Iervin rose and spoke against tlie objection, which was over-ruled l)y the Court, and the first witness was called. Mitchel McConnel, sworn :— "I am a spiritualist by profession. I am acquainted with the Dr. He called on me t(; give him a scarce. I told him I would show him the spirit of his Grandfather, but he insulted me and wanted iutiled spirits. 1 felt his head before he left. Yes of course there were bumps tliere. I left them there. Well, I don't know anything against him particularly. Mrs. Sarah Barncart, sworn ;—" I am a music teacher. I met the Dr. b} a little accident. I gave him music lessons on the Jew's harp. He had a good ear. I know nothing against bim. The Chief of Police was called, and testified to the Dr. having had seven new buttons on his clothes. Here the Dr. cross-examined him. "Whar dem oh a nater dat dey war ornormental on my pusHon ?"' he enquired '* Can't say they were," replied the witness. " Den dey ware necess'ry tew de decent observashun of my pusaon ?" " I thmk they were decidedly." .. " Dat's all rite. Y'u may leab de box." The Podler was called, but could not identify the buttons, and the Dr. refused to cross-examine him. The Counsel for the prosecution then addressed the Court at some length, violently abusing the Dr., attacking his profession and casting serious reflections on the Push- cart. On the conclusion of the learned Counsel the Dr. geiitiy rose up and wiped a tear from his eye and in a voice' broken with emotion addressed the Jury : " Y'ur Lordship and y'ur Worships, Gem'men ob de Jury, I kin hardly find de words tew 'xplain de ferroneous 'pinion dat de pussen hah giben yer as just sot down. 1 aint a man ob words, but ob deeds. Does / look hke a man as wud steal. What does de 'ditemeut say— dat I stole —42— moali truck dan war eber in dis yer cussed village. Cad I do it? Cud do Paslicart do it? Dat pint I It-ab to yer. But dat Sheriff, aint he perjudiced tt ^v agin me ? What fur ? Cos' lie am jdous oh viy interJt'ct and caracter. I seed it in his eye. I'se a poor black man ob color wid only two pore hands, and a I'uslicart. ]3ut I'ho got a caracter, an h's jelous ob it. / wudn't be a Sheriff wid a Pushcart thrown in ter boot. I aint infallerable, nor per- fect, but I prays dat I nebber be 'pointed a Sheriff. I'se pore Gem'man ob de Jury, but I'se honest an data my consolashun in de red sea ob de trubbles dat oberfiow me. I'se frum de Town ob Ilotclgrecne and PnitangisJien or some oder seaport town. Tse taken my golden rule frum de twelve commandments in de book ob Golerashuns or some order part ob de works ob de same author as say : "When yere persemeated in one place free to anoder. An I freed and freed and my wings am gettin' tired and dey droop berry low. De plumage am gettin' soiled an dirty an I'se afraid Vll he left. Soon dis pore sufferin' uiggar will be whar de wicked am no trubble, and de weary gone ter roost. Far from hum de wind ob perversity carry me, and I'se mos loosin' sight ob de shinin' walls. Ebery tear yer shed Gem'men ob de Jury will be a pearl in dd robe ob charity dat will shine so brite dat yer sins won't be seen. But here great confusion was observed in the back of the Court room, and a small squirming figure was led forward by the ear, Johnnie with his face blackened was in the clutches of his father. The Dr. paused and his eyes rolled in great perplexity as he waited to see what was in the wind. The Judge asked sternly what the interruption meant. Mr. Macdonald explained that his son knew something about the case. The Judge ordered him to be sworn. The Crown Counsel examined him. " What's your name ?" " Crow in Chief." " You young Scallawag," yelled his father. " Order !" shouted the Clerk. " Well, you look something like one," observed the Counsel, " But what are you called ?" —43— " Sometimes yer Lordship and Sometimes yer E'yall Highness," repHed Johnnie looking round with an air of cahn superiority. "Oh, 80 you are an important individual?" continued the learned gentleman in a playful tone. " Well kinder," replied Johnnie. " Weil, you're a modest young man. Now, what do vou know about this case '?" " I saw a fellar running away with the Pack that fellar )iad," replied Johnnie pointing towards the Pedler. " How do vou know it was the same Pack ?' "Well, 1 was kinder foolin" roun' ther ' leinpli; of the r Sun r " The ivJidt ?" exclaimed the amazed lawyer. " I mean the Barn, and the Grand Torturer had " " Great powers what (ire you driving at ?" " I mean a fellar had just slid off, an the Chief Priest of the Ordeal of Fire of the Temple of the Sun, and ther Grand Torturer, and the Chief Priest of the Ordeal of Fire— " Wliat next /" howhd the lawyer. " Nothin " replied Johnnie, "I was just going to say that the Lvjhter of tlte 'Termd Fire, and ther Grand Pile Driver " " Go on I" yelled the lawyer in dippairing tones. " Had just gone with the Grand Torturer, an I was foolin' roun' with ther Grand Tyler, when we saw the Pedler go by with his Pack, an we just hi •, an about some time after a fellar came runnin' by with the Pack the Pedler had, an he wasn't Doc. either." ' •' You're quite sure of this *?" " Ask ther Grand Tyler if he didn't sec it, and if ther Grand Torturer, an ther Lighter of the Tei-nal '" << Oh ! Please Stop .'" groaned the Counsel. " Well, all right. 1 thought yer asked me," replied Johrjnie in an injured tone, turning round with an appeal- ing look to the Judge. He was told he coul.1 go, but scHMued to bo in no !i;irry. Presently he turned to the Judge and asked him to ordcv his father not to wallop him if he went home with liiut. The Judge drew tlie state of facts out of l:ini and ;>e\('r( !_.- i'eprimandeJ Miicdcuuld telling hiu) that if the l)oy should receive any further criult}- at bis liaiuls, steps M-ould he taken to enquire into tlie matter. T:iis was satisfactory, and Johnnie meandered iiome with his father. Tlie Dr. was discharged immediately, and h>ft tlie dock with his face ilhiniinated with a smile of sul)dued triumph, remarking as lie swung out : " Dar am no terror Cassns in yer threats, Fur Tse armed so strong in honesty, Dat dey pass me by as de idle wind. Which I don't care 'bout." The unexpected a])pearance of Johnnie at the trial is owing to the fact that he had determined to"see how the Dr. fared, and disguising bimself as far as possible by blackening his face and hands, and tearing iiis clothes so as to make himself look as disreputable looping thereby to escape attention. He took a position in the crowd at the back of the court room and might have escaped had he not made a remark to another 'Crow' who was witJi him the tenor of which showed that he knew something about tlie true facts of the case. There was several who over- heard the remark, among them his father, who had entered after Johnnie had arrived, and was standing immediately behind him at that very moment wondering where his son was. Judge of his surprise when he recognized Johnnie's voice in connection with the villaninus looking little swt ep immediately in front of him. For tlie life of him hv couldn't help it, and Johnnie was across his knee and whacked almost before he was conscious of it. Johnnie gave him a hint as to his knowledge of the matter with the result above stated. Johnnie accompanied his father home in close eom- l)anionship, rcri/ close for the old man Jrdiiu/lij took hoid of Johnnie's left ear with a lingering pressure that pained Johnnie, for he saw more grey hairs on his fathers Ik ad than were there before, and his father never Kscd to linger any. He used to bring on all his pressure at once and concentrate it in one spot, and he hadn't had even the —45— benefit of tlu' old saying ' That lightening never strikes twice in tlie saine spot."' It used to strike him any number of times and rcry often in the same spot. This proves that those ohl sayings are not infaUible. There's another ()ne you ciint depend on ' It's a Avise child knows its own father.' This is very misleading, because the wdser a child is the less likely it would be to express any doubts especially in its fathers presence. A father is as a rule very thin- skinned as to any calculations of the kind in which he does not figure as the principal factor. No, thfre never was a child with any sense that placed any confidence in this saying in an emergency. Johnnie was soon home, and his father placed him in a chair and extracted a confession from him as to the adventures he had had while away. The old mai; seemed very much subdued and as Johnnie warmed up and told him how he had never retired to rest without thinking of him and wishing he had forgiven him, and how bad he felt at having run away and put him to the expense of that Poster, the old man became quite afifected. Then Johnnie told him how he had prayed for him and sang nice little hymns, and passed resolutions of condolence, and the old man became quieter and more subdued. Then Johnnie began to become affect&d himself and the tears gathered in his eyes, as he told the old man how he sat shivering on the fence all one wet night just to get a glimpse of his dear dear father. And then the old man suddenly fetched Johnnie a cuff that knocked him sprawling on the floor. But thu old man didn't mean it. He only meant for Johnnie to let up, ind not harrow his feelings up in that way. His feelings as a father should bo respected no matter how gifted his son might be or how brilliant an imagination he might have. The pair were on affable terms for the rest of the day, and several Crows who had come round to atteua the inquest as they expected remained to congratulate. —47— CHAPTER V. " COFFINS TLADED FOR CORDWOOD. "MARRIAGE LICENSES ISSUED. " BABIES CHRISTENED for 25c. Apiece. " REDUCTIONS MADE FOR FAMILIES. "APPLICATIONS FOR LIFE INSURANCE RECEIVED AND POLICIES ISSUED on APPROVAL." This notice was stuck up prominently on a corner store on tlic outskirts of the village, and the Doctor stood earnesly t'yeing it one afternoon a few days after his discharge from custody. The Pushcart was tied to a telegraph pole a few paces off. The Dr. was evidently contemplating busmess, for he was talking earnestly to himself, and listening to his own remarks with intense interest. This peculiar habit the Doctor had in a great degree of perfection. But he grew more earnest "C#«s traded fur Cordwood r Well, dats mean tew want 'er dead-man ter swop his firewood fur a coffin, dats an insult terde sufferin' family ter say dat . Fust I traded dem thirty seben Barshutali wifes away to de traders fur a bar'l ob forty rod whiskey, 'fernal suck-in dat war, an a shot-gun an I potted all mj' muder'um laws — den, den I traded do fuliiih fur a bottle ob pain-killer, an gib'd dat tew de trader — he didn't want 'um, but I gib'd it tew 'um all at once — an nearly gib'd 'ura de bottle tew, but 'um got his cheques marked fust, an de bottle was sabedfrum de burnin'. Den / eramegrated and jined dat Pineyfoah Cumpany, an played ve Little Buttercup. Den I mislayed my complex- shun, and I got tired an left dat Cumpany just tew seconds in frunt ol) de man'gers golosh. I perberred my own boots fur trabblin', so 1 left uar in a hurry. Den I trabbled liten' rods, an de fust rod f put up dat heifer got de end in 'um mouf an ciiawed an chawed till *um got 'umall masti- cated, an de litenin' struk dat heifer an blew 'um in de air clare away, an de farmer mourned dat heifer an took stock »)b my ranclie, an de funny part of 'um war dat de heifer war dar stockBtill and stark wid 'um throat cut, it got l)lown dar I spects by de liten'. Den I retired frum dat 1)iz, and took tor i)reachin' line, an dat pai/fd fur a while till I took de loan ob dat collexshun frum de deah brudders l»y misteak, an dey got der mad up and caused me ter lose faith in der tempers, an 1 resigned frum dat. •'De bone an iron industy aint what dey war. I tinks I'se most out libed my usefulness dar, an I'se left on dat. Wlmrl'oah kin de honest man turn do sweat ob 'um brow ter now. Now dars de pervision line, Sassages am berry skarce, an cats air as de dust on de hous' top an de fence. De huntin' instinks ob my foahfathe)-« am Ijerry rash in me, so dat I'll gvvine inter de Sassag industy, — de nice fresh incoiv meow Passages. An de Pushcart am useful in dat, hold 'um pile." And the Dr. arose and took his Pushcart and hoofed off singing : " Man mus' work and woman mus' weep, I'll kill some cats afoah I sleep. The' de Thomas cat be moanin'." That night there was war and rumours of war among the felines, and great lamentation arose among the female relations of those that were not. —51— Seventy- tliree nocturnal singers found a temporary resting place in the Pushcart. The Dr's. heart was light as he hoofed home merrily singing : " Sweet warblur when de radslmnt moonlite falls, In meller splendur on de hanted shed, Oft hab I listened to yer plaintiff wauls, An cussed thee fur my snooze deserted bed,, Plow hab I wept to heah yer long drawn shout, Moria ! Oh-ho, Ma-ri-ah comin' ou-out !" Why dost yer rage cussed cat, when sabel-nite Wid dewy freshnuss fills de air. Fur why yer dumb de roof ter yell and fight, An rip an spit an snort an claw an swar. Bus yer not blush, sweet eat, when rosy dawn Sees haf yer fur clawed out an one eye gon." The Dr. was soon fairly launched in a flourishing business. Every morning the Pushcart would poke sharply round the corner with the Dr. on the run trying to keej) up with it. He rang a large dinner bell from time to time, and Sausages at ten cents a pound went off lively. The usual quantity disposed of during the morning would be fifty or sixty pounds. But people wondered at the strange manner in which a stray cat would act when the Pushcart approach \ One look of frozen horror at the machine, and then iiere would be a mottled streak of lightening and that cat would lire itself over a church and land on the shady side of a telegraph pole a quarter of a mile away, and the Dr. would wonder "What de matter wid dat foolish cat an3-how ?" Wealth flowed in and the Dr. invested in a brass watcham, a shirt and a Saratoga trunk and rejoic- ed. Many a boarder in his boarding house also rejoiced in t^ae disappearance of the household cat, and discussed its possible whereabouts while determined to get his $5 wx)rth, modestly asking for " Just a few more of them Sausages, please mem ?" little dreaming that he was taking that hated feline into the privacy and sacred threshold of his Btomach. Many a mourning spinster took the lost one back, and welcomed it in the frying pan, but knew it not, —52— and as it climbed into her swee* Yipa no sorrowful meon- warned her, no 'feelin' ' hinted that her sweet Thomas ■while it would never again swear on the house top would nn-Hc (course) in e\>ry rein through her l)eing. It was a sight to make angels cry and seraphs weep over, hut not one returned from the shades of the feline Hades to warn. But even cats are not eternal though infernal, and the sausage supply got smaller by degrees and beautifully less, and the household poodle and terrier soon became mtro- duced to the interior economy of the pushcart, but still the ■upply grew less., and the Dr. remembered the thirty-eight i.ur.sutali wives, and that dead trader and those prime mealy mother-Iii laws and mourned and wept and sat down by the beautiful banks of the Classic Don, and hung hig Jacs harp on a peg, and was very very sad. But a storm cloud was gathering over his devoted head that he little recked of. A breath of suspicion in a large boarding house and the Dr. was a ruined man. A committee was hurridly appomted, aad the next day the rejoicing and unspecting Dr. sold his entire stock out to the committee, who straightway departed to a lonely and awful spot and dissected eveyy one With pale faces, com- pressed lips, eyes starting (but never going) It will protest those unhappy young men gathered positive and irrefutable evidence of the Dr's. guilt and departed to report that worse had been revealed than they had ever dreamed of. Then a voice arose in the land and lamentation and wailing was heard on every hand. Young men reclined on clothes lines and hung out of five storey windows with pack thread fasten- ed securely round their diminished waists, while one no- toriously greedy sausage grabber twisted his shadow round his neck to hang himself with but couldn't do it without tying a flat iron to his feet, which his stoney hearted boarding mistress refused to lend him, because she wanted them all for her friends. The Undertaker of the town sent to the ajoining State for a compltte staff of asBistanta. The Churches were draped in mourning and the surviving felmes travelled round in broad day light with cambric handkerchiefs held to their eyes. But when one appeared it had the street to itself, for even the whole fire-brigade — 53— refused to a man to approach the tiro until the mournln^ fehno thoughtfully clnuhed a fence and disappeared. Aextday the Pushcart, clearly defined in the golden sunh-ht, approached the Nillage casting merry andgrotescnie shadows at every move. TJiere was a 'hum' of huamesB in the Dv s. manner and lie piiahed on lively. J Jut is there no i)itying voice to warn him noi to approach the village to-day ? Is there no kind hearted being to hold up a hnger m protest- -none— and the soft mur]uuhn<' breezes gently whisper "none!" ,. . . •. . ., '^ And now the J^ushcait draws nearer-it is at the corner -- he bel nngs An awful hush falls on the place but still the J)r. recks not of harm, nivf, dom/, di,u, do,nf. (rmtt W'urenH ! he is in the middle of tlie village. And suddenly thtre is a murmur and rush in the air— a nusl, out ol hve hundred windows. The street is filled wi+h wild avengnig fiends, and the Dr. and the Pushcart are hidden in a cloud of dust. Five hunhred left legs rise a»i one Five hundred feet furiously kick a hidden sometldmi and millions of splinters are floating in the air— and the i ushcart IS dissolved— matter is extinguished and annihil- ated Anu a figure, like earths first man, is totterin" and tumbling out of that place crauimed with thirty pounds of sausages. Heavens u-hat a fate. The Dr. with not even a pound of strung feline to clothe himself with, climbs a hill and stops where a sweet cascade of water dances and jumps from rock to rock. He gazes earnestlv into the water— and what a gaze— does he see ten tbousaiid shadowy hends w'ltii cat tails beckoning him to take a mad leap and cause a fearful wfastrophe. No one can tell— but he didnt leap. And now his whole lieing writhes and wriggles- convulsive upheavings of his system come and— ^ a dusky streak of shadow approaches Sarah, and as she screams oui^ tlimking aghost in dishabille is drawin" nidi the Dr's. vdee is faintly heard : « fe ' " De .Angler Saxon am turned agin de African, an war am declarci' lew de hatchet. De Pushcart am in de hands oh -Oh- ;»// pore poreftd, Yvtn — yum — dats de las atrair on dis mhthells hack. Hi— hi— hi." And the Dr. who had missed the hat and 'busted' his foot on a stone strongly attached to the ground, • 'apt aloud as he liopped round holding his Foot in his moutn while the large tears rolled down his sable cheeks. He got a large clothes prop, not that he ever used any, but he always had a large and varied assortment lying round which had come in the way of business, and he mashed that white plug till the atmosphere got viol-ntly agitated and Sarah came out and asked if it was going to rain as she saw lightenimj, and told him to come in or he might get .'itruck. The Dr. desisted muttering " Allah is Allah, an Ma- humet am his profit." Then the Dr. went into the hou4e and barred his door and nailed his windows, and wrote on the door in white chalk letters : BEWAR OB YELLER FEVER, LEAB YER PERVISHUNS ON DE DOAHSTEP. Lay yer treasures up on high. Amen. And many who came to scoff, remained to pay— and mercifully left toll on the doorstep. —55— CHAPTER VI. -0 Weeks passed away, and early one morning a farm laborer crossing a field a few miles from the vilFaae dis^ cov(n-ed the Dr. lying motionless on the ground. The laborer tmi.dly approached to vvitiiin a few feet of the silent fiaure and poked it with a long handled rake he had. There was no response and as the body was damp with night-dews and apparently quite stiff the man hurriedly returned To the village and stopped at the 'Model Lodging House Inn ' kept by one Mary McMurray. Here he renewed his nerve's with a Btrong horn of brandy, and described to a number of people congregated there how he had smelt a strange and aw tul sine 1, and guided by his nose had discovered the 1 eless body of the Dr. lying in a hayfield, and how he had felt his pulse and looked at his tongue (not with a rake) and found there could be no doubt about his being lifeless. Tiie only coroner of the place was a gentleman of the name ol lelahokey who was alHicted with a slight impedi- ment m his speech. Word was immediately sent to him and in a few minutes he was seen streaking down the street his long coat-tails streaking behind, and his hands (ieBcribing strange mesmeric passes, designed probably to clear his path. Soon a motly crew gathered in the rear of him. Men droi)i)ed their tools and joined the throng women shoved their babies into coal-scuttles, and in their haste stuck a bunch of matches or a poker or something equally Jippropnate into their mouths, and ran. Children joined hands and skipped along. Carts, waggons, carriages and even a hearse joined in the strange procession, while a goat ol the Biily persuasion amused himself by testing the theory of materialism in the matter supplied by the backs 01 the hurrying crown. —56— While the processionists are on their way to the Tnti, the reader will kindlv allow the author to make- a few remarks on the nature of that remarkahle animal the ;^oat. Goats are essentially curious animals gifted with i^rervt penetration and wi h a perfectly headstrong' love of inves- tigation. They love to frequent lonely and secluded spots wliere there are natural facilities for climbing with the aid of their horns. And a man will sometimes realize this hahit so forceably that Ivi will sit down even in a crowd and count how many i^^dople noticed this remarkable trait in the animal. And he won't call it an animal either— any other name will do for the occasion. And even the most serious reflections on the ancestry of the Goat won't hurt its feelings any— in fact they seem to enjoy them. They don't make good pets— no matter how much you lavish the warm affection of a naturallv loving disposition on the goat, It will go ])ack ou you and take a mean advan- tage of you behind your back, ana you won't contest the point. You will let it go and order a new pair of pants and command the tailor to leave out lonely and seclud<>d spots, and threaten to assassinate him if he makes them with any natural facilities for climbing. The goat has no feelings of honor, and will hit belowthe belt in fact seems to prefer doing so, but is plucky and comes up to the scratch every time. It is strange that Noah saved a pair in the Ark, but doubtless his strict conscientiousness induced him to do so in spite of his private forebodings. It may have been con- scion^ous, but there have been moments in my life whim I doubted the wisdom of the thing, and then mv consola- tion was that Noah found it out pretty soon. But why didn't he fire them overboard even then. Tii.it is what I never could make out. Instead of sending t'le Dove nut why didn't he tie the goats legs round th* '^- nocks and hitch them on to a spare Hhect-aiichor and ,••!/ "Gove forth, and if ye return not I'll know you'r gon somewhere anyhow." But he didn't, he kc. r tliem mi. :>vl aUo^ved them to upset the harmony of the whole men.^g'>rl.^ IjU'Ti when he sought the seclusioii of the :r;irret to ^-lke_up lus lo" and take an obBervation, or a glass or s .•i'"fching. .le would suddenly get jerked against t' ccili;) and coiue —57— down with bis eyes full of plaster tliinkiu^ that the ark had run on a rock, and just an he started off to ston the leiik — ^^hack — would come the ark aQ:ainst tliafc rock a«ain and that unys limit lije to one per diem. ■•' ■ -•■' !'■" But to return to the subject in hand. In front of the Inn the street is block' d up, and inside the (Joroner hastily Bwore in twelve men, and sent another batch off for the " body." The Pwev. Mr. Rainsfall came in now and addressmg the Coronor said : " These are very mournful tidings Dr., and calculated to teach us the shortness of hunmu life ?" •'In — in — deed," replied the Dr. t •> h ,ui -, , " A i-erif sudden snHf)ping of the vital thread Dr. "?"< > • V, " Qui-- (pii — quite a—a — snap" replied the Dr. ,i But now a sudden bush fell on all present as the Dr's lo«ly was borne in on a shutter one arm hanging stilHy down. Women commenced to wipe their eyes and sobs be';une painfully frequent, while the Goat trotted in and pli'.yiuUy started butting at the rear man holding the , ah alter. He was promptly retired, ni ni y.iui-' i!<'r r.ijb } - i The body was gently laid on a table in an inner room, and the Reverend gentleman with a Hoiiriah of his cambric —58— haiifi kerchief, and after gently adjusting his eye-glasa at a correct angle with hie mustache addressed those present : " Friends it is an awful thing to stand in the presence of the ilhistrioQs and awl'ul, ahem (the Dr. coughed) the honoured, ahem, the respectahle dead. Our departed brother was one of those humble and unostentatious workers who silently, through life and without praise, and may I say often without even respect, performed those humble duties which we are often too prond to do for ourselves. How often bave I wished that I could cast aside my loitier pur- suits and assisted and encoura,u;ed him in the humble path which he filled with such discretion. " Take heed then l)rethren and be more like the brother who lies so silent in the next room, and be not proud of your different t-tations in life. " Let us now sing that beautiful hymn so appropriate to out deceased brother : " From Greenlands icv mountains But here the Coronor who had l)een impatiently listen- ing, rose and in a very im})atient tone said "Are you— you— vou going to— allow the in— in— quest on this (we will drop the stamm-.'r) dead niggar to proceed, or do you want to hold a funeral service over him first." (Groans.) In no way disconcerted the Reverend gentleman gently observed " We will have an opportunity after the inquest to continue our remarks, in the meantime let us remain and profit by what takes place. The Coroner hereupon took the jury ii/ to view the body, who to a man placed their backs to the wall farthest from the body, and held theur noses while the Coroner gently took the Dr. by the nose and turned his head on one side. The rustics looked on horror bound — half ex- pecting to see the Coroner bite the nose off. But he .idn't and they returned to the other room where the man with the longest nose was appointed foreman. The Coroner then addressed the Jury. " Gentlemen, you have examined the body (first lie) ana you have to enquire how and by what means the deceased came to his death. Evidence will be called to show you the possibilities of the case, and we will hope a —59— post mortem will not be necessary (seconil lie) and you will give a true verdict according to the evidence, so help you ahem, (the reveiend gentleman coughed) who knows anything ahDiit tiie Dr. ?" Constable Healy stepjied forward and being sworn deposed " T knew the Dr. he was a darned " " Order," yelled the Ccn-on r, while the reverened gentleman frowned. " Well, I take that back. Tie was a pusher of a Push- cart. He used to go about tiie village a good deal, and had an interest in railway iron and rolling stock generally carried on in connection with his Pushcart. Yes, he thought I had a spite against ]n"rn l^eeause 1 stopped him when he was tryhig to g"t a loaded freight-train (m his Pushcart. He had a general l)ermis^i()i) to take scrap iron but not to take anything he could iiot lift. Tinifs all I know about him. ConstaMe Kayborn, sworn— " I knew the deceased. I saw him last week, he appeared r/^'^^r.-.s-.s'/v/. 1 was club- bing him at the time to make him drop a car wheel he was trying to throw at me." Dan DeWan, sworn—" I knew the Dr. T saw lihn about two weeks ago. I helped him up hot mi: r hill wiWi his Pushcart. 1 did'nt hook a water melon out of his cart. He had something hidden in a l)ag ii the Pushcart. 1 asked him what it was. He said it was the "deblie!." No f didn't believe him I'ecause it croiml." Here the Coroner incited by the last evidence suggested searching ths body. The Foreman cautiously put his hand in one of the coat pockets of the deceased, and pulled out a handker- chief marked lioultry raiser saw a vision IL- saw whata))peared to be the spirit of the *].)r.' with a devil on his back si)itting fire and smoke as lie rushed across a held. He .ieclared that strange inlernal music was wa ted t.0 him of which the words were distinguished :- •'Dem Golden Slippers." •= • . Soon the village was aroused. Lights flickered through the streets, dogs l^irked, the tire bell rang, and great ex- citement prevailed. A crowd congreoated in front of the Model Lodging Inn and steadfa-tly remained there till morning wlien it rapidly swelled *in numbers, till the seethin- tumuli nous crowd beat back and forth like the angry wa\es on the sea shore. As the golden ravs of the sun began to creep here and there lightmg every' tinsel or gleanmig object with a golden lustx ; the Coroner and the Lev. A r. Bamsfall appeared, and the Lmke. per tremblinHv hamied over the \i^y of the dvmi room. The door was un- locked and a hasty rush into the room of a ])ortion of the crowd followed. It was empty. The Dr. had departed and with Inm was missing a red table cloth, a lamp, case of —62— instruments, a sheet, and part of a stove There was a veil of rase, and the crowd becawe extremely excited. J he ilevd. Gentleman reproved them severely, and with coat- tails clasped in his hands, and his eyes earnestly bent on his watch-chain departed. , , ^i i. -i i ■ Who can tell the sorrowful thoufjhts that prevailed m him as he departed. Had he said too littU' and n()t aroused them to a sense of their misdeeds, or on the other hand liad he said too much and wounded their gentle suscepti- bilities, and liow. oh how would it effect next sabbath days collections, and many other sabbath days collections. But the day passed away and nothimr w;is heard of the " Dr." although an advertisement appeared m a local sheet as follows : — , , , , r t-» " $100 reward is offered for the whereabouts of Dr. K A. P. Sheppard, who is believed to l)e a rdic of the pre-Adamite race, closely allied to the race of men who walked under the sea, and referred to by Jeremiah the Prophet while residing in Ireland on a visit to bt. 1 atrick. (Signed.) Revd. John Vera Wyld. Years afterwards "a stranger calling at the village stated that he had Heard of a man answering the descrip- tion of the " Dr." who had been elected Governor of th3 State o.- Yahfoolem. But this was not generally believed. Till we hear further we leave Dr. B. A. P. Sheppard an, I his eventful life. ^OTE —Since writing the above a despatch has been received that the Bight Honourable Gentleman at Otter-wa has squared the circle of his difficulties by appointing the subject of this sketch to the Office of Collector of Customs for the Port of Muddy York. — o^^f^ 'hcailcvi/* tiork 'lea Wout>c. ) liQJ-t 'i^'i)'^ (4)|tt) ^\5)-'^ R KIDNEY, Family Grocer, Wine & Spirit Merchant, Teas and Coffees a Speoially. rirs'lJoardinjs' IToiiat'H. Scininarit^s and the like will liiid it Btrongly to their interests to - niimher lit> takes ()i\)w;s that they are the best in the city. :F'0^:JTZ T^O'J^ so Cexits. Thk cheapest place in ink CITY fok all kinu.s or FRAMES. .'•■ 114 Adelaide Street East, •. ^ . ' PRACTICAL . -. :' ' . " Plumber,Gas&SLeam Filter BRASS FINISHER. &c. : Baths, Water Glosets, White Globes, Burners, &c. ALWAYS QN HAND. Ai! Worlv wiUTanteil and d«nie on tlu' best pvincii)al and and iii(>st ica.sonable tcnnn. m_^ ■ ■