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V tt-ontJon: PRINTED FORy « SOLD BY, THE BOOKSELLERS. 1797, /Co CldC f^R F^ %n i- ^4 jiv. MAQUmNA, ALIAS TAHISIM, (the meridian sun) THE KING OF NOOTKA SOUND. \l 1 1. SIR, 1. HAD the honor some time t ago of transmitting to your Majesty the opening of a Poem entitled-—" The OTTER SKIN ;" and the flattering attention it ob> tained from your Majesty's royal court of . Tashees, encourages me to lay before your Majesty the Second and concluding Parts. I blush for my country when I consider what has been done by my countrymen un- %' •. it 1 !l I 1 vt DEDICATION. I der your royal eyes : they came to you for the most equitable purposes — to cure exist- ing abuses, and to establish a fair Trade : — What has been their conduct ? — They cre- ated new abuses ! — they establised an op- pressive monopoly 1 Many vessels, English as well as American, fitted out in the spirit of adventure at an enormous expence, were, to the severe loss of their unfortunate own- ers, forced to abandon this part of the coast^ and proceed to the northward, to dispose of their articles as they could. The Cha ers sketched in these pages, your Majesty knows too w^ell by fatal ex- perience : with what fidelity they are pour- trayed, you will, therefore be able to decide. A little indignation, I confess, warmed me for the attack ; and I ventured to expose those persons who had so vehemently, and with so little scruple, exposed themselves. DEDICATION. Vil I will no longer detain your Majesty from the cares, or the delights of royalty ; but will now, with great humility and becoming re- verence, take my leave ; by wishing you a continuation of that prosperity, which has hitherto signalised the reign of Maquinna, and of which the title of Tahisim is so em- phatically characteristic. I have the Honor to be, SIR, &c. &c. &c. &c. &c. m I Yi THE OTTER SKIN. PART II. U N HAPPY Scrapeall ! — what invet'rate rage Made thy soft soul in such rude scenes eng;ige? Ahis, poor man! th' extorted sweat distils Adown thy cheeks in swiftly gliding rills ! Try on! — try on! — be resolute! — that robe Wou'd bribe the savage treasures of the globe : A dapple robe, of linsey woolsey wrought, Enchas'd with suns, with lucid jewels fraught ; There flowers cemented raise their ambient heads, And constellations glitter out in beads ; A deeper edge the weak extremes infold, Munificently trim'd with threads of gold : — Oh, arduous task! — inimitable skill! Yet. often schemes of lucre lead to ill. t' B I ,( '-^ ) Three several moons in due progression past, Smil'd at the work, but trembled at the waste .' Clippings and shavings bankruptcy presage, Expence and labor, :\rt and taste engage. But see — it comes, in gay effulgence drest, Of ev'ry gaudy blandishment possest. Oh ! my eyes swim — their weakness overflows ; Fold up! — this bright display of beauties close! Yet stay, it strikes the wond'ring Indians' sight ; They gaze, they faulter, splutter with delight : * ' Cloosh, cloosh, cloosh, cloosh!"* their throt'ling sounds impart. Dilating joys encircle Scrapeall's heart. Hope cries — " Huzza!'* and pushes Scrapeall on. They touch the robe and, lo ! the chance is gone. *' Commercial pow'rs ! have I then toil'd in vain ? " O yes, I have! — but spare, proteft my brain! *' Day after day, my whisp'ring hopes destroy'd *' The wish of food — my appetite was cloy'd. " Night after night, when vigilance opprest " My slumb'ring senses, I denied 'em rest. *' I liv'd on airy hope ; that source alone *' Supplied each caper, and supplied each groan." • " Cloosh," signifies good; therefore this is only a rap- turous exclamation. k ( 3 ) While Scrapeall thus deplores Trade's faded charms, See Bubo proudly stands and folds Jhis arms : Mistaken Bubo! — say on what pretence You forfeit the plain rights of manly sense : Why are you borne along the ruling stream ? Why are you not, false Bubo, what you seem? Why is that latent wish for skins you feel Unjustly smother'd ? — why that wish conceal? Deluded Bubo ! throw the mask aside ; Appear yourself — surrender foolish pride? What if fools sneer and venture to condemn, The winners laugh ; and so you laugh at them. " Detested trade, thy suflFrage I resign! *' Charm other hearts; thou hast no charms for mine.* " Let plodding sons of Avarice behold, " With lustful eyes the substituted gold. 1 * Our Author appears here a little inconsistent; he re- probates trading, and afterwards condemns Bubo for not trading. Vet I think he rcdifies this seeming oversight, by saying, — To decent trading I affix no shame ; 'Jis trading's warm excess — there Hes the blan^e, 8 2 ( 4 ) ^* Riches, if this way riches I must gain, " Let me be poor, and honest still remain/' Intolerable stuff! — I can't endure This boast of truth ; 'tis but a sinecure : Villains, your wary senses to beguile, Will chatter thus, and pilfer all the while. There are who a£l by mere mechanic rules. The scorn of wisdom and the sport of fools, Of ev'ry proper feeling dispossest ; Yet honor keeps its station in the breast ; * Crito — who blushes not at Crito's name ? But Crito sins secure and free from shame. What man so mad his precepts to upbraid ? Crito can fight, and " damme who's afraid!" N % ! * This false honor is but a villainous substitute for honesty. Divested of principle and feeling, a bare-faced wretch will assert and vindicate iiis claims to fhe title of gentleman, while he impudently afts in open violation of all laws human and divine. Crito was one of this description ; he was impetuous and overbearing; and from having been early initiated into the chicanery of wickedness, he was be- come callous and deaf even to the voice of Conscience. He liad fought many duels before he had reached his twentieth year ; and, if 1 remember right, he had kilhil his man in a profligate quarrel about a prostitute, whom he introduced to his adversary's wife as his own sister. . -1 ( 5 ) f" «' No, I have honor — ^honor swells my breast; " Honor each pleading wish for skins supprest.** Honor, my guide, I'll blindly follow you ; Murder a friend — a friend I'll murder too. Honor, lead on — prudential thoughts, controul: Pervert the fondest measures of my soul : Honor, proceed, point out the doubtful way> At random point — can Honor point astray? Delusive Honor! at thy earthly shrine Comforts and feelings gladly I resign. Honor — if Honor shou'd perchance mistake, And sin — I'd sin again for Honor's sake. But will not Poms trade ?-^Who, me ? — what I ? Rather than trade I wou'd submit to die. Trade — skins and copper — horrid I declare ; The thought disgusted greatness cannot bear. So trade I never will. — The time has been I've seen you jump and quiver for a skin. The time has been, when at the aweful sight, Those cheeks now red, wou'd soften into white. The time has been, when those imperious eyes Wou'd melt and leer; that breast resolve in sighs. The time has been, the time again will be, You'll trade with ardour — mark my prophecy. ( 6 ) n 5>^ Well, if I do, may thickest curses fall On this devoted head ! and I'll accept 'em all. May I relinquish selfishness and pride ! May my soul shift, and skulk on Virtue's side ! May my false tongue, and can it well be worse ? Be riveted to truth ! — Oh, heavy curse ! May I henceforth unblemish'd, free appear, Clear from dark spots, aye e'en as Hysem clear! — He stopt ; and Furius, standing by, up rais'd His worthless head to hear another prais'd, Furius, tho' really bad as bad can be, Is varnish'd over with hypocrisy. *' Hysem," he cry'd, " Hysem I like — but then Hysem has faults as well as other men. Hysem I honor much — but who denied ? What friend so warm that says he has not pride ? Go on, dear Hysem,* in that equal way You long have gone, nor be seduc'd astray ; * Reader be not surprised at this warmth in favor of Hysem — I consider the enthusiastical eulogiums a poet bestows on his dearest friends, as the tender effusions of an affection- ate heart, and should perchance, a few indiscreet, or intempe- rate expresions occur, let us not cavil or censure or condemn* but let us rather suppress any such vile sensations which may impel us to so ungenerous an office. Who Hysem is, I can- ( 7 ) Let Envy shout, and malice still declaim, And fools still scofF, while you remain the same. What mean their scofiFs ? they argue no disgrace : Satan wou'd spit in God Almighty's face, not affirm; and our author asks the same question for the purpose of bestowing a handsome and I trust a due compli- ment. 1^ 'I 11 i Si w PART III- I Hesaw,»ndwish'd,andraisdh.spona But whence this ardor '.this unusual glow This wish to give what prajses can t bestow . ^ Spea. plain, where is tlusHy.."^^^^^^^^^^ If the theme's pleasing, why tne Hysem is none of these; his sana>ond>age cLt doom to misery a suff'rmg age. Nor is be any prince: nor can h.s nod m1 bending vassals bless him for thetr God. But vet he is, nor deem the titles vain, Sus. indulgent, cheerful, and humane. Again — Believe the sense of favors past, AVith me will ever, ever last. I ' (9 ) Just gods (he cried), if ardency can win, Or supplications, this celestial skin; Full grateful is this restless heart, Tho', Hysem, sometimes doom'd to smart. From common casualties, that bring A sharp, but transitory sting. And, ah ! since smiling Peace hath spread Her olive branches round thy head, O cultivate and let them grow. To shade thee from all future woe! This sounds just and pretty, though I do not hnow on what occasion it was written ; and, with a pencil, I found the subsequent lines, which seem in allusion to Hysem's circum- stances at that time. Ah, Fate ! for 'tis, alas ! to Fate I owe this sad, unenvied state. Why am I singled out to bear The many ills that rankle here ? The taunting voice, th' invidious sneer. The Sultan's supel-cilious air? — Yet, Hyaem, stay! — thy murmurs cease! Be calm ! — be smooth as tropic seas ! Dare not the further wrath of Fate By vain remonstrances, but wait The future, glorious period) whjsn Thou'lt see thy native sliore again. Yes, the dear shore ere long will ri^e And glad once more each exile'i eyes. c ( ■> i 1 1 1\ ll , ^i ( 10 ) k If subtle tricks, or proje6ls ought avail The general cause — let not Brobdingno fail ! But let him, gods — O let him, gods, partake The casual blessing, and his fortune make ! With rising pain, as joy's excess is pain. He wav'd a sheet of copper, look'd, and wav'd agam A massy sheet — but wav'd, alas, in vain ! For Lucius, arm'd with iron bolts, survey 'd The lovely objeQ of promoting trade *. m \tl rf '^, t I profess, I do not perfeftly understand ail I transcribe ; but no doubt the persons mentioned herein, from a know- ledge of themselves and their iniquitous praftices, will be able to elucidate and apply th luhole: with this expeftation I shall insert,— At the sea*s margin Dyonisms stood. His rampant feet just «purn*d the backing flood j Hysem (he roar*d), by my best gods I swear. By glorious Beelzebub, whom 1 most revere. By him, and all the underlings of hell — I saw you titter whe« the pudding fell ! But this is absolutely unintelligible, therefore I shall say no more. * Since the first time undaunted Lucius writ, Lucius to whom e'en Leo must submit. ( 11 ) 'd A livid paleness o'er his features hung ; Doubt check'd the daring effort of his tongue ; The half-breath'd words in soft divisions ran^ And — Ma.-a-co6ke,* the clam'rous siege began. With eager steps he darts to the attack, Thrusting same forwards, pushing others back. And Leo is no little fool, for he Oiit-ftrips Pomposo in tautology. Our Author seems to take singular pleasure in ridiculing the absurdities of this junto. They were flippant and non- sensical beyond sufferance ; and were I not more merciful than my friend, whose works I am retailing, I should, like him, (to use his own words) " Flash coufusion on their closing eyes." But as I am seldom satirically, and never maliciously inclined, 1 shall draw a curtain over their weaknesses and exclaim— t( Alas, poor Human Nature ! » * Ma-a-co6ke signifies trade, and when the Indians saw an article which pleased them, they used to cry out vociferously — ** Ma-a-co6ke," to induce the possessor to part with it on commercial terms. And if the possessor assented, the word, as a demonstration of his will, was repeated by him. Hence Lucius, from hurry and agitation pronounced it tremulously, and said— Ma-a-cooke, instead of Macooke. »• C 2 i li. ■It - J- m m ( 12 ) As difFerent ranks their different ways devise, All to one end — the aggrandizing prize : But Skinaflinta, torpid witU delight, In quav'ring silence, gorg'd his vulture sight. Hegaz'd, he sigh'd — the parting breaks between In scattered brilliance silver hairs are seen ; Again they spread the well-requiting cloak; * He raves, he falls — Oh, epidemic stroke ! So the unthinking owl, in glare of day And hungry madness, reels abrpad for prey With fatal purpose — views the bursting sun, And finds the ruin Nature bids it shun. Yet see yon blust'ring hero sneak below, To do the deed he fears the world must know. Mark how he pushes to yon darken'd place, To hide at once his purpose and his face. The bargain foil'd, Pomposot now appears To deal out principle in oaths and sneers. * The otter skins made into cloaks are often the beft; and, in order to display their excellence, the Indians shake them, and thereby disclose the silver hairs in the furrows of the fur, which are efteemed the criterion of bcuiity. f Pomposo seems to have been honored with especial no- tice. In many poems he appears the hero; and in somQ •I ( 13 ) Wonders, " God blast me!" how some men can dq What he himself has done, tho' not in view. others he is glanced at with peculiar acrimony. — I have several whole pieces of composijiion, which, from their tendency, I can only retail in abstradl, as references may be wanting — ^Thus : Not so, Pomposo, impudence his screen, A cloak to hide whatevcr's foul or mean, Moft self-sufficient, yet a very fool ; Fierce to the tame, and to the fiery cool; Extremely prudent, yet extremely rash ; A Jerry Sneak, and yet a Captain Flash. ** Sir, damme, Sir!" — and mounts a dismal frown; Mount one more dismal, and the Captain's down. In argument most obstinately dull ; For ever empty, yet still thinks he's full. Lur'd by ambition — Oh ! malicious Fate, Why with such projefts did you load his pate ! Ah! sad decree, that caus*d his tim'rous youth To leave the paths of honesty and truth. And climb that mount with feeble feet, an.d slow. Whence heav'nly strains from graceful Lyrists flow ! O monstrous wish ! — with heavy steps to break Those laurel-fences, form'd for Scipio's sake ! u J And over and above 3II this, I have a multiplicity of epi- grammatic scraps, which, hi corroboration with thq preceding verses, serve to calumniate Pomposo as a charader provoking, and, consequently, deserving the attacks of satire; though, for my own part, I think my friend is often influenced by fT ( H ) -"y I; m ^■i ^ Swears paltry traffic is a lowly care, Beneath observance in a Man of War. —Dissembler, cease! — search, search thyself withiq, And then pronounce that trading is a sin ; Be not too fierce; say not too much — and why ? Stern Conscience will return thy words the lye. To decent trading I affix no shame, 'Tis trading's warm excess — there lies the blame Skins produce cash, and none, save Bub, denied, That riches are to happiness allied. Then whcre's the fault ? — why tremble to confess Thy inclination leads to happiness ? Does Clio * a6l from conscientious laws. From balanc'd wisdom, or for fools* applause ? passion or prejudice: and, as a kind pf annotator, it is in- genuous to confess as much as I know of him or his poems, &c. — But would not prudence deter him from stigmatising a clear reputation? — Certainly; and therefore I conclude Pom- poso deserves all, or the greatest part of the censure thus prodigally thrown upon him. * Clio, though rather repreheBslble in this instance, ap- pears a jreat favourite throughout the whole ; and our Au^ tbor even makes the gods astonished to see that he was capable ef an kBiwopriety.-^Thus we read of Clioia another poem — ( »5 ) Or does Opinion's tide his reason drown ? Or dreads he the ungracious Sultan's frown! No Blush, astonish'd gods, while I relate, Forc'd by convi6lion and impell'd by fate, — From hatred's source his wily maxims flow. And damn that friend whom he believes a foe. The Sultan * — does not even he degrade His courtly station with abundant trade ? But Oh, fond Muse, renew thy falling verse! Bid Gratitude arise and Clio's worth rehearse ; In thankful strains, if thankful strains can tell. Repeat his worth— *his excellence reveal : If taste and judgment, decency and sense. Words well selected tun'd to eloquence. Deserve our beft regard, our deference,— Let Clio's name, while Clio's name shall last. Grace future time, as it has gracM time past! irf. • In the papers before me, I find the Sultan impeached as follows, under the title of Dyonisius :— Coercive wretch!— and must thy recreant hands Burst thro' the Lord's ineffable commands ? Revile thy country's best support, and use The very laws to varnish an abuse ? Base as thou art, should satire bare the tale. Thy limbs would tremble, and thy cheeks turn pale. i l-x; 1 ( 16 ) Has not he sign d an edi6l, which prevents, On pain::, on penalties, on punishments. I I; 1^; f| J (Triumphant Satire, at whose laughing shrine The greatest fools their greatest faults resign ; Unbounded Satire, whose imperious sway E'en hardest hearts and softest heads obey). Tortures, the worst of tortures shou'd infest. With scorpion stings, thy self-degrading breast; Unusuiil qualms — strange feelings should arise. An! prompt Amendment's importuning cries ; And better still— «thy conscience shou'd begin To skulk on Virtue's part, and start aside from sin. - — What will he say — how answer rheir demands. When in Britannia's court he shiv'rlng stands; Where aweful Justice dives without controul Into the deepest caverns of the soul? Drags up the secret goods (a nauseous store!) To the broad day-light never seen before — What will he do, whose soul's so foul within? A brothel teeming with disease and sin ! When it is told what things he did commit — How wrong'd the whole? — but much more wrong'd was P ? Who, wild and careless, may have been to blame ; But is his conduct stamp'd with deeper shame ?— Allow it so — Is this then Wisdom's mode To flog out follies with Oppression's rod ? Did ever yet — (then answer ye that feel. To hearts, not heads, u made a fair appeal) — fi \ • iLl^i ( 17 ) His subjects the same privilege of chance, lest they By trade more thriving might retard his way ? Did evf.r yet — did ever bnital force . , . Turn the gay passions from their frolic course ? Did ever yet a gen'rous mind refuse To yield to kindness, rather than abuse ? Nay, were all Billinsgate before our eyes. Did oaths in thunder, dirt in whirlwinds rise — What then accrues ? — the storm, too fierce to last. Soon spends its fury — then the storm is past. A word, a look will do just ten times more. Make the heart throb and sicken to the core. List, Dyonisius, hear, and hearing, feel The force of truth, which flatt*ry wou*d conceal ; Attend, attend, — though, gasping, Honor lies Ptt i» ing for life, assassin, fear denies ; Panting for life — a life, already sold To selfish passions and sedudlive gold ! Alas ! poor Honor, once more rear thy head ! CP'-e, if thou canst 1 — 'tis past, the spirit's fled — 'Tis gone ! Oh, devils, catch the grateful prize ! *Tis yours — the Dyonisian sacrifice. This asperity I should hope to be the effed of indignation, and that abhorrence of vice, which every tolerable Christian ought to avow. — The Sultan is spoken of in another place, but in too figurative or fidlitious a manner to claim our serious attention. The moment previous to the Sultan's birth. Prodigious omens fiU'd the heavens and earth ; I' m r mn [■It i' I' i I ( 18 ) The same, the same — and, to ere6l his wrll On grounds more sure, more parsimonious stilly Dispatch'd informants to ransack each chest, And steal and sink the treasures it possest ? But Torpus — (vengeful devils, drag that name, In impious triumph, to the cells of shame f) — The sky, portentous, shot its meteors down. That for a second ghrM, and then were gone r From this some drew his glory wouM be bright. But fade ere long and set in darkest night. But what most shockM his labouring mother wasy Oh ! strange indeed, and terrible the cause,— Newgate's extensive portals open flew ! — Out, in confusion, burst the fellon crew ; And from on high, where hung a dismal cloud* Some god or devil unseen thus spoke aloud-^ ** Newgate, make room !— -set wide thy sounding doors ! — " Pass out, pass out, abandou'd rogues and w- ! " For soon will come a monster forth, that will, ** With loads of vice, your vacant dungeons fill !"— The spirit ceas'd — the cloud mov'd flow, they say. And toward Tyburn shapM its threatening way. ■^-Oh, memorable place ! where Ate • stood. Noosing a rope distam'd with human blood. Devising torments j and Jack Ketches too,- ^ Preparing old ones, and inventing new. * Goddess of revenge. 1.A { 19 ) <( Hark !— hark ! *' When at th^ first this motley world began, " Brute class'd with fellow brute, and man with man : " No honorary titles Abel knew, *' He was but mortal — Cain was mortal too : *' Ah, equal happy times were those ! — ^but now *' Fate sports in dalliance on a tyrant's brow ! — " Vile laws are made— and for what purpose made? *' To blast our succors, and diminish trade? — Illusive thought 1 -—curst be the stern decree ! — " Hold, hold, my bounding heart! — yet, laws must be.— i *' Still why, harsh Justice, seize my journeying stores ? *' Why stop their visit to the neighb'ring shores ?" He said — and, writhing' with excess of grief, His bursting tears afforded short relief. Prolific whispers in prediftions flew, Forming a tale, immutable as true. Persuasive Curioso, gentle youth ! Beheld the noisy contest and stept forth. A beauteous shell of polish'd worth he bore, Found 'midst the strewments of a northern shore. D 2 I C ( 20 ) 1^' . : I \y Th* inverted colors, in a different light, Now appear dull, and now appear more bright, A purple gloss the spacious concave shone ; Transfer the shade and, lo ! the purple's gone ; A lively green usurps the radiant plain ; Agatin transfer the shade, 'tis purpled o'er again. The smiling savage grasp'd the brittle shell, But, (dreadful case !) in giving back — it fell ! " By heav'n 'tis broke !" the fainting hero cried; *' 'Tis lost ! — 'tis gone ! — I saw my shell divide !" And now wild Fancy o'er the banquet roves, And what it first admir'd, disapproves. The copper cups, the iron bars, the clothes, The pans, the kettles, some defe6ls disclose : But, lo! a mantle caught her wand'ring eyes. Of ample spread, and variegated dyes ! * Not gaudier tints cou'd lavish Nature shew, In the gay rounding of her painted bow, * Fancy being perplexed and doubtful what to prefer, amid such a display of finery,* is very natural; the relinquish- ing the objefts of her first choice, and descrying hithertQ unperceived blemishes in them, and then suddenly determi- ning the contest by catching at the mantle, is expressive of the fickleness of an Indian, whom Fancy is here supposed to persorwte. ( 21 ) When show'rs descend to cool the torrid air, Or ease the lab'ring clouds of loads they can- not bear. Charm'd Fancy view'd, and forth in raptures broke, But Judgment slumber'd while the goddess spoke: ■' Oh, Skinaflinta, riot! — roar! — rejoice! *' On this sweet tulip I have fix'd my choice. *' Great gods, look down ! — admiring gods, behold " The silver-seeming streaks, the imitative gold! " What dazzling hues! — and is it, is it mine?" — ' It is/ — " Then take the skin! — the envied skin is thine!" Glad Skinaflinta clasp'd the glorious prize : He wept, he pranc'd, and his ecstatic sighs, In blasts of incense, sought the frowning skies. ies. ) ♦ I END OF THE OTTER SKIN. h it I, I ■Ill I I r ■ i',': i "ii ; , ' ;, ^ » ) I . AN EPISTLE FROM lift Z.^Dr BETTT PUTTT* TO HER SPOUSE SIR WILLIAM. r ■; 1 WRITES to Sir William, plain Billy no more, Vulgarises my pen, and such trash as before; I writes to Sir William^--bear, shoe-blaicks, the name, Thro' Glisterpipe-row, Sir William proclaim ; Sir William proclaim, and myself, Lady Betty, Clatter up and down, round about, all thro* the city. * From this lady's extreme vulgarity, it is evident she could not be entitled to the appellation of Lady Betty, for who could imagine her the daughter of a Peer? Therefore [ am inclined to think, that after the knighthood of Mr. Putty, from igno^ ranee she neglefted, on assuming her title, to omit her chris* tian n-^-^e, which was so familiar to her as Mrs. Putty. ^;ux. ( 33 ) Oh, ye songsters that warble as sweet as a crow, Clear your pipes, — and our titles let all the world know! Oh, ye organs, strike up a beautiful ditty To the tune of Sir William and me. Lady Betty. Oh, ye wenches that carry such sweet-smelling flowers, Fresh gathered from Smithfield's nice green-grow- ing bowers. Form a May-looking wreath ! — but. Sir William, attend. Lady Betty now speaks. Sir William's best friend, — Mind, Sir William, be sure don't make free With ragged a- *d scrubs; and when you names me, Don't bellow out ** Bet!" but trust it I'm true; Use the titles as often as I do to you. I pack'd off a sarvant, and am I to blame, For dropping the tally and, calling me m-a-a-m? Says I — Do you think plain mistress I still am ? Why, you hang-gallows bitch, I'm the wife of Sir William !— So I ups with the p ss pot from under the bed, And slap dash I sends the contents at her head. •i" M ^¥A w i- l! .1 ,i Ir ( 24 ) 'Tisa sad thing, dear Billy — but, in^solent pen^ Dub Sir William, how dare you write Billy agen ! 'Tis a sad thing. Sir William, for a Lady like me, To swallow the gab of a mopsy like she. But whilst I has breath, which I hopes will be long, I will live as I ought, in what they calls the tong. Sweet Sir William, consider, we must be polite. For I am, "my Lady," and you are, "Sir Knight/* It argufies nothing 'bout this and 'bout that, The pot-houses' slang, the tea-tables* chat, We must be polite ; and we ^nust buy a chair, Thensomefolkwillenvy,andmorefolkwill stare.* When we drives to the Spaw, to guzzle down tea. The lap-dogs, the children. Sir William, and me, *' O, la!" cries a tramper, " how finely they goes! ** Who the deauce can they be ? — your great ones, I 'spose." r Then somebody answers, confoundedly pretty, *' *Tis the Puttys I — Sir William, and gay Lady Betty!" O blessings onblessings ! — the blood rushes down To the tip of my toes, from the top of my crown. fin * " And more folks will stare"- this to be the case. -I should rather suspcdl 2- -^'.■ -But, Sir William, ( 35 ) Good gracious, how nice! adieu ! Lady Betty it is that thus scribbles to you ;— Lady Betty —Sir William— the w ords are so sweet ; Lady Betty— Sir William— Ah, 'tis such a treat! Lady Betty— Sir William— so pretty, so new ; Lady Betty can scarce bid Sir William* Adieu ! I have an epistle written previous to the above, intitled— ** From Betty to Billy," which is often alluded to, and more particularly in the first line : but, though it possesses some degree of humour, I cannot offer it to the public eye ; nay, its very humour is a sufficient preventive, as, I am sorry to ob- serve, that humour is indelicate, and therefore exceptionable. 'if ! li In a small book entitled " Slumbers," I find a sort of apo- logy, and the disavowal of any malicious intention toward the peibons who are the subjefts of the above : It runs thus : Scarce my eyelids were closed. When a tap on the shoulder — I instantly woke. Lo, a goddess appeared, and thus smilingly spoke :— •' My name is Good-Nature: with sorrow Pve seen ** Your petulant writings degraded with spleen: " With sorrow I read late epistles you pen*d ; ^' Pomposo says true, they were made to offend. I: iC.\ Hi. ■ Is f . i I ( 36 ) " Your Muse is a truant, severe without reason, *♦ Breaking insolent jests, and jests out of season— *' Ah, why thus unkind ! — why malice provoke ! — " Why forfeit esteem for the sake of a joke ! " Ah, once you enlivened ray gentle domain^ •* And e*en then I indulged your satyrical vein, " But not in the dress which it lately appear*d, " Insignificant, tawdry, bepatch*d, and besmearM ; " Gloss'd over, thick painted— the surface was neat ; " But scratch the enamel, and plain was the cheat ; " Too plain was the cheat — a false composition; " Little malice, less wit, and a store of derision. ** Yes, once I assisted, and laugh'd as you sung, " But then your gay theme from mere pleasantry sprung, ** Perhaps sprinkled with humour, or tinftured with sense ; " Candour heard and applauded, or fram'd a defence : " But now" Oh, goddess! I cried. Forgive what is past, and henceforth be my guide ! 1^ .1 11 \ AN EPISTLE, WRITTEN AT SEA, ^fjursUag, llaiuiatg i, 1795* T^3 j^****-]; p***X, Es$2. /x LITTLE book I have, which says There's nothing so unsafe as praise; It feeds ambition, fosters hope, And gives protrafted nonsense scope ; In fine, it says, praise turns the brain, And makes the prais'd, or mad, or vain. — Thus far my little book ; how true The words, ^vill soon be found by you ; As I, since that unlucky time You read and prais'd some foolish rhyme, Have supplicated, day and night, The Muses to assist my flight ; But not like Lucius — out of sight ; E 2 in ' I I * y m \ i 1 1! ( 28 ) For Lucius, when his loaded pen Is aim'd me and better men, When he the lyric track pursues, On his fleet hobby horsic Muse, In guest of common birds and game. As all attraft such sportsmen's aim, — Away thro' ambient clouds he flies, While Reason drops her stricken eyes ; She cannot, dares not, will not trace Th' adventurer in his covert chase. But what is Reason, pray, to him ? The rash, the senseless child of Whim- Yet, peace ! — hath Satire once again Deluded my meandering strain? Hath Satire drawn my thoughts astray From the delightful, flow'ry way, Where love — and all to love is due, Supported as it is by you — Oh, Bob! your constancy is such It cannot be extoU'd too much ! Illustrious pattern! — fit for those Who falsify their sacred oaths. — Ah, Mary ! happy is thy lot ; Tho' absent long, not once forgot. i '. it. 1 '% ( "-9 ) Yes, every day his thoughts are bent On thee, my pretty innocent! And every night, thou art the theme Of each enraptured, happy dream — Not so poor Florentina!* who The god of love shot thro* and thro', The god of love, whose missile dart Lricerates the suffering heart. Oh, Florentina ! gentle maid! Dost thou still seek the pensive shade? Dost thou at night thy sorrows tune (On thy sweet Jew's-harp) to the moon? Oh, Florentina ! tell me how Thou couldst believe his faithless vow ? How couldst thou trust the winning tongue Where late triumphant perjury hung? How couldst thou trust his treach irons eyes, Where ruin, certain ruin lies? * Alas! ill-fated Florentina! I knew thee once in the vigour and bloom of health — I knew thee ere " a cruel spoiler came and" Reader, if thou hast compassion, if thy gentle heart is capable of commiserating the misfortunes of deluded beauty— of fallen innocence! — join with me in execrating the Monster whose barbarous machinations made that villainy triumphant which he long affefted to glory in and enjoy. I < " ill ' I ml 9 m t i u .•». ( 30 ) ■A \l Each cautious fair with cause suspe£ls The looks and speeches of our sex; The softest, sweetest words we say Are often spoken to betray : And as for looks — the infeflious smile, Tho* charming, is but full of guile: Therefore I charge thee once again, Avoid deceitful barbarous men! And should they talk of friendship, be Upon thy guard, and warn'd by me: By friendship (hypocritic boast) Many a reputation's lost. Incredulously treat such friends, They only serve their wicked ends ; Their wicked ends once serv'd — no doubt The blazon'd perfidy comes out. In vain the vi6lim weeps her fate, By sad experience taught too late ! In vain she pleads his broken vov/ !— - Her fame is gone — as thine is now ! In vain, alas ! she may complain. And curse the author of her pain. The author of her pam is fled To seek some other destined maid, ni ( 31 ) To pra6lice the same perjuries o'er And lo as he hath done before. But, Oh, Bombasto, tho' thou art Thus dangerous to the female heart ; But, Oh, Bombasto, tho' we trace An angel's features in that face ; The' ev'ry beauty, ev'ry charm, Adorns thy love-inspiring form — Yet, yet forbear, for future shame Shall overtake and blast thy name ; Sorrow shall pain thy aching breast, Compun6lion shall abandon rest ; Horrors and tortures shall ensue, Thy days be wretched, and be few, As many days will not be given To importune insulted Heaven ; Thy God will leave thee, as thou left The fair *' of every hope bereft" — But stop — no further I'll proceed ! — My wounded soul begins to bleed — i can't proceed, my senses grow AfFc6ied at ^his sight of woe : Let gayer, sprightlier themes prolong My immethodic, rambling song. Hi \ -; K \:. r I'l i :; ' 11 .1 ■ J' ( y- ) jCome frolic, Fancy, and impart Fresh spirits to my plaintive heart ! Oh, heaven-fed Fancy, deign to shine! Inspirit every languid line ! Raise these drooping thoughts, and shed Thy magic influence on my head ! " Oh, hither, come!" — whilst I begin The opening of some pleasant scene; Some pleasant scene, but not severe. Fools, ye have nothing now to fear. Pomposo, Lucius, Aspen, all Historians, poets great and small — Attend, attend — whilst I begm The opening of some pleasant scene, ' # • * 'Twas in a certain shady cove. Propitious to — to — gentle love, W'lere youthful shepherds * « 4& # Alas! I was obliged to pause. And from an unexpefled cause. Ah me. Ah me ! 'tis all in vain ! Alack-a-day ! — the pastoral strain I never will attempt again. ( 33 ) Unlucky wretch! — I must forbear^ So scamper fools, and have a care. Pomposo, Lucius, Aspen, all Historians, Poets great and small — Precipitately haste away, Or else the hindmost fall.^ a prey — Begone, or else I shall catch one, And he that's caught is sure undone ; My savage, disappointed mind To boundless vengeance is inclined; Safety's in flight They all are flown— No, no, not all, but all save one, Who stands the threat'ning storm alone — It is Pomposo— then begin The opening of some pleasant scene. — « 1 J in ■ POMPOSO shew'd, from earliest days, An unabating wish for praise; T c had a most invet'rate zeal 1 : r w iting much, and writing well. Ana ti^ secure, in short, his aim. He once, and thus, petition'd Fame:— " Oh, goddess of immortal sway, " Hear what a suppliant hath to say ! \ til i ^ n ( 34 ) * Hear what his fei-vent lips implore j *, Oh, goddess, hear!— he asks no moi-e. * Pomposo longs to write— ah ! then ' Assist, inspire his ready ptn ! ^ « But for a moment don't suppose ' He longs to write in vulgar prose ; * No, no ; his fingers itch with firc, ' To bang about the poet's lyre ; ' Oft have I vied-^bm Fortune, still * Unfavoring, v iitei^work'd my will. * Verses I made, and sent me to ' The papers ; but that wott*d not do; * The editor refus'd admission, ' So desperate was my condition. ' Yet these indignities I bore; * And more repuls'd I strove the more ; ' I sweated, puttied— and again ' E'en these endeavours turn'd out vain ! ' Therefore some way. Oh, pray devise, By which thy supplicant may rise!*'-— He ceas'd. The goddess smil'd, as well she knew The most his fustian powers cou'd do ; «•>..«<•«<, 4a»-« ( 35 ) Yet rather being on mischief bent, She appro v'd, and granted her consent ; *' Dear, hopeful, precious youth," she cries. While pleasure lighted up her eyes, " Thy wrongs have been exceeding great, " For one so very obstinate ; " But since thou scorn'st abasing fear, " And boldly chose to persevere, " Tis pity — and I won't behold " Thy genius in oblivion mould. *' Then, O retain th' advice I give, , " So shall thy rescu'd honor live-r- " Seek out the temple of that goddess *' Where men repair to ease their bodies; " Hence to her golden tripod, wher^ *• Men once a day at least repair j ** Besmear the walls — the walls are fit *' To bear th' effusions of thy wit; *• Write any thing— unwearied write ! ** Success shall crown thy toil, and ^-•-"^e.' She fled. 1:1 I J: ■If! i Pomposo, comforted, began To think himself another man ; F 2 H ' i: ( 36 ) And so, alas ! resolv'd to follow The do61;rine, and insult Apollo. Each several midnight watch that came. He ponder'd o'er tha advice of Fame, While ever and anon a sigh Proclaim'd the Muse's travail nigh ; And, lo ! the midwife pencil, brought Into life each beauteous thought. — The sequel of my tale is known To many more than me alone. — Was this Pomposo ? — was this he, Whose lawless power gall'd the free? — Was this the demi-god, who made Such havoc 'midst contending trade ?— Was this the demi-god, whose soul. Fierce and tumultuous, scom'd controul? At whose imperious, aweful look, Jasper with apprehension shook? The very same! — but whence this heat? I feci my glowing bosom beat, ' I feel contempt and anger rise, . Pride, and abhorrence, and surprize, . At these strange inconsistencies. ' Yet peace ! — hath Satire once again Deluded my meand'ring strain ? ( 37 ) Hath Satire drawn my thoughts astray From the delightful tlow'ry way Where Love— whose uncontested sway This tender heart must still obey ; Still must it bounce and beat, and still Pant up and down, and throb, and thrill For thee, Sophia ! — Oh, that name Shoots sudden vigour thro' my frame ! Angels ! methinks I see her face Beaming forth etherial grace!* ...1 > . * Could our author be seriously and so strangely infa- tuated ? I knew him well ; but I never knew he could so far degrade the delicate sentiments he professed, as to lavish such indiscriminate praise on so unworthy an objeft. She appears at once, illiterate and abandoned, without even personal al- lurement to conceal these deformities: therefore let us believe Sophia, a creature of his own brain, a fiftitious charafter, in- vented, perhaps in the idleness and playfulness of fancy, for the purpose of promoting merriment and irony. — He speaks in raptures of her singing— — > ' ■ Oh, what sweet sensations had I ' ' When she sang the " Bonny Laddie !'* When she sang, and smil'd to see Her moving hints affe^led me; l^'or such plain hints on me she'd throw. And sigh, and look, and quaver so. And squeeze my hand, and pinch my toe. .» i !l ^ 'in 1 ', 4i { 38 ) And those sweet lips, and sweeter eyes. Are fix'd on me in soft disguise; F ''li *'■ ■> 1 fi' I ^ Iw While I sate trembling, and unable To lift my eyes from off the table. Save when they stole a glance, and then DropM to their humble birth again. Sometimes the company wou*d jeer. And ask me — how I felt it here ? Meaning my heart — ** Ah, will it break ? " Does the restless flutterer ache ? — • ** Alas! he minds not what wc say !— •' He's surely in a desp'rate way ! " Go to the woods, poor wretch ! and there Hide, 'midst their shades, thy love-sick care! Go to the deepest streams and drown Th? sorrows that thus weigh thee down 1— Yet, courage, lad! be not afraid! — Buck up, and kiss the willing maid!"— » Sophia who, as well as I, Disliked their ill-timed raillery. Replied with heat — '* I never saw •« Your fellers, fags, in foolish jaw !— «' The woods, and streams, and shades, and stuff!— •• I'm sure the young man's well enough : «' This blessed night you have not heard " From out his gills a single word.' €€ tt €t t€ tt it M ! 1 I i \ * • \ ( 39 ) Yes, full on me they always gaze, Altho' they swivel different ways.* Oh, that time — that time — ^Oh, when We parted, wept, and met again ! *' Take," she cried, *' young fellow, take ** These gloves, and wear for Sophy's sake! ** And when you puts 'em on — Ah! do " Remember her that thinks of youl — *' God bless me 1— fags, 'tis hard to part; ** I feels— Ah, feel this little heart!" And then the tempting syren prest Her left hand to her dexter breast ;t While I stood motionless with woe, And only sob'd out — Ah! and Oh! Which she perceiving, soon began Her consolation, thus — " Young man, *' I knows, I sees your wast distress, " But how can Sophy make it less! •Ia| T vjhend * " Yes, full on me they always gaze, " Altho' they swivel different ways" Miss Sophia squinted. f The lady's professions are to be suspedled of hypocrisy; the placing; her left hand on her dexter breast, seems as jf she was >:ven i^^norant where the iieari: lay, nnd juch a mistake could not be very riatteiing to her lover. n. \'i 1, ■ 1 > '■ 1 1 'f ; 1 ( 4<5 ) If I? 1 : 1 •1 1 n 1! 1 1 r "* To make it less, would only be .« . ' ' To wish your love might end for me. * Yet, Ah! remember when I goes, ' What, perhaps, may calm your woes — * Remember, that this heart alone, / u * This heart [to falsehood quite unknown) ' And hand, young man, are both your own! ' That is, when I can get on shore, ' And leave that lousy, stingy M r : ' You never know'd, in all your days, ' A feller of such dirty ways ; * He is so stingy, that I swear * I an't got never a gownd to vear ; * He never gid me ever since * I left Bengal, a piece of chintz ; * And smauks — I really to purtest, * This bad one is my very best : ' It was but t'other day I said — * I vants that ribband for my head, ' As he had almost sold the whole, * (But as for that, he'd sell his soul) — * Veil, so says I — I vants that blue ; ' Veil, so says he'* — ' And I do too; .Therefore pray keep those paws away, And if you vants, vhy vant you may.'- 1 .■V 'V .,;.vv*«'^,_^_ ( it ) *' Now this is shameful, for I'm sure ** I was not horn or bred up poor;, " I never sin such days as these '* Before I travcl'd the salt scas-^ : But curse the seas I and curse the place I first clap'd eyes upon hk face!" — She paused^ • nrki >o.:' ,\'r < it (< >,v At length, wiih pity and surprise, I utter'd, 'midst a cloud of &ighs, Kneeling, and weeping as I knelt, ( Oh, what my faithful bospm feltj) *' Ah, Cease! i ' " U^ownds and ymauks can make thee blest, " Hush thy tempestuous thoughts to resti *' Look forward to au5pici(Hi» scenes. Coaches -and-four, a»d pajanquius ; . c The gaudieft silks Bengal can bpall, And linen of the finest cost, , • > Jewels, and di'monds, pearl necklaces, » , Hookhas and pins, and tooth-pick-cases. Watches and rings — so be at ease! These thou shalt have, and more than these/*. f .4 i J (f (( (( t ;.. m 'S v i /i ( 4« ) —I stop'd— She rais'd her list'ning head : A lovely blush her face o'erspread, ' A lovely blush! the vermeil rose Could not a sweeter blush disclose ? • She sigh'd — I caught her in my arms : *• Whence," I exclaimed, '' these fresh alarms? ** From whence these sighs? — these blushesy whence ? — *' Speak, nor distra6l n.e with suspencel" But, as my playful spirits fail, I must cut short th* insipid talc, Which, by the bye, is known to you. Better than I could tell it now ; Besides,^ 'tis time the scroll were done, Since it commenced a year it- gone.* So compliments to all I know, J. S — t, S— *€, O — d and the beau> And to the reft unmention'd, say The best things rn the prettiest way. • This Letter was began the last dajr of the year* and fuushed in the morning of the first of Juniuiry M. ( 43 ) And, Ah, my sportive Muse, adieu ! This is our final interview ! With thee relu6lant must I part, For studies alien to my heart,* './'•« # Astronomy and Mathematics, i! • (,, y\ '> I ' » , ' ; ••! n •<• » (. , .<». /•? •. ;* :/' 1* « .' ■ .<• J _ '.< • .i-)' ,■ , iiE''Ai,^(^:hnu h > n .-..» 4 r «■*• -I ■il f*..>^.. „%a^i^»ii:n.nn'"-'r';^ '•% ^\.. ■ii-; "■• V) I r 4l :U =?=* AN ■I If it -^^ ' I 1:1 f iiliJi ■•'■f f^^'. EPISTLE, To Parson H-^-^^ll, and his Friend Dr. J — d. WRITTEN AT ;-vfi.\ , ..liSfiii.- NOOTKA SOUND, 1793- ' r I %ijd' /*'.; :».>;, !■■ 1 IS resolv'd no longer I'll carry the farce on, So adieu, O adieu, niiost irreverent parson ! No longer the Middy s, their capers and rigs, Drove poo** me astfay, like poor M'G— -'s pigs ; No longer the arts, or sciences suffer, Or thy patroness, Wisdom, no longer I huff her; No longer shall folly's fantastical train. Upturn the best ware in that locker, my brain : — Sweet Do6l:or, adieu! altho* 'tis quite plain. You have been devour'd, and spew'd up again ; A.ltho' your poor body, yet still poorer spirit, Gives freely to vice the sole tribute of merit; S ( 45 ) Altho' at M'G-— 's fflethodistical nod, The fycc^bant bow^ to the sycophant god | . Aliho' at hii* shfin6 you humbly attend^ And aft as a servant, yet still art CdHVd friend-^ Alas ! two doom'd wfetches of caprice and whitn. The Parson and you are Subservient to him ; For 'tis *' Doftor' and ' Doftor,' and Parson all day. Who I think cleans bis shoes, who I'm sure ought to pray. But where are the pigs ?— ** Go, Parson, an .. .i » O Parson ! O Parson ! tf that*s your profession. Transgress not yourself, nor aid other's transit ^ressioa, . .^,, > ^ ■ ^. . But tura to the Bible, recourse for a sinner. And best of all things, save the Governor's diiK ner — . » . Oh, turn to the Bible ! vast volume of reason, . A garden of fruits, tho' seldom in season! — Then turn to the Bible, and this recolleft, If you don't profit yourself, don't others infe£l. . 7 ■ It ' ■I ( 47 ) *A Your religion thus gone, since 'tis prov'd oa inspeftion, And gone, O Lord save thee ! past all resur- reftion, * ril resume my old theme, and with candour descant On your maxims in love, as a rev 'rend gallant. On« instance will do; turn your thoughts up to muster. Bid Memory rise, if you think you can trust her : The weather was fine, I walk'd out t'other day In the Crucifix- ground, and met you in my way : Then wits, statesmen, and poets in every station, Esgross'd a great share of our learn'd conver- sation ; Till you. Sir, I suppose to vary the theme, Told what Fsncy would blush t > relate in a dream, Of balls and amours, and high-rank and nigh- breeding, In which you ne'er mingled (B— 11 observe*) save in reading. i '. 1 1 >il n i^' ■i: ^ it-: . / V 48 ) }Ays* H—'-Yf dear name ! — Oh, nanje everid*;ar! She punftually gave you six hundred a year! O Jesu, preserve me! I laugh all the timcl Jesu, have mercy ! — I cannot find rhyme ; 1 cannot fiud numbers my thoughts to reveal ; But review your past conduft, and judge what I feel. ' '■ " "•" '. -' "' :■■'■ "<'•- "* Then it was but last night, be speedy my Muse, And blaze forth what the parson mutt blush to peruse; Be speedy, my Muse, a tjuth horrid unfold. That will make e'en an 11^ — — // abash'd to be- hold; ^ A truth that will make e'en his impudence fly ; A truth that will give supposition the lye: A truth like a shot, that will shatter his frame, And turn his pale cheeks to deep scarlet with shamC'-^ Then it was but last night, be speedy, my Muse, And blaze forth what the Parson must sink to peruse; Then it was but last night— I fijulter again, ^ And try to proceed -, but, alas I 'tis in vain — l! '). •^Sl'SlSitiiHt * * ( 49 ) Pluck up spirits, my Muse, take a dram it will do*— Out with it at once, tho* 'tis dreadful as true; — Then it was but last night, when your brains were a-float; When you put on the brute, when you threw oflf your coat. When language obscene freely flow'd from your tonjrue, When you boasted of things which you never had done. When you wanted to fight, but only were able To kick up a riot and knock down the table ; Ah, then rccolle6l the hoarse-threatening sound That foam'd from your mouth, and spread laughter around : " Come, dogs, fly upon me! unkennel your fury ! " Here I stand, as you see ; here I stand my own jury ; ** Come, all burst upon me! — will none of you fight? ** I'm ready, I'm ready" a wag added-—" To s te. i. \ S! y ( 50 ) O hell, o'er whose roof clouds of horror arise, Where the daemons new torments on torments devise; Where mad raving wretches are heard to com- plain In loud groans of sorrow and wild shrieks of pam — O ye damn'd, double damn'd, that its confines infest, Wou'd^tf not refuse such a profligate guest ? I! ' i ADVICE. ri ERE I am — nay, startle not, Once I was thy mess-mate, S— t. *' Hark I — methought I heard a sound *' Issue faintly from yon ground" — Here I am^-nay, startle not, Once I was thy mess-mate, S— t; But now plung'd in darksome shades. Through which no ray of hope pervades; Sullen, doleful ; but attend To the di6lates of thy friend : While thou liv'st — ^live ever free; Shun a ship that swims the sea, A certain ship, wherein doth dwell Satan and his flaming hell; Where confusion, madness reigns, Where Oppression clanks her chains, H 2 ■I , ,*» *?>"s-»^ i~ . .f * ?■ ■ i(. 'i ( 52 ) Where desponding viclims lie» Scarce alive, yet 'fraid to die, Wretched vi6lims, such as I; Where whatever that is bad, Mean or blackguard, may be had ; Therefore pray, O pray attend. To the di6lates of thy friend ! — While thoifiiv'st — live ever free; Shun a ship that swim^ the sea, A certain ship, "wherein doth dwell Satan and his flaming hell ; Let no promises have weight To make you change your present state- Promises — Ah ! what are they ? Jack-o'-lanterns, that betray ! 1 lA 1 I* m I AN EPISTLE To H. M. 0*****D, Esq. SHKntten at %)ta* l\ t)*****D, my monitory friend. To you this hasty verse I send ; To you, whose unassisted eye Its merits and defe6ls can spy. And candidly give both their due, By censuring and approving too. Not like my soft soothsayers here. Whose adulation springs from fear; Not like my hardier foes, who join To throw disgrace on ev'ry line, . , On ev'ry helpless line — Ah, me ! Ungenerous, unkind decree ! ■■I II .• II ' ^ tf, I , I ;■:' m ■f^4 Wif ( 54 ) But, more than even these, I dread Your critics that are over-read, Brim-full of knowledge, which they glean From some illiterate Magazine ; A few quaint words and common sense, Corre6led by the Accidence : Hear Leo, as he talks in state, The champion of some fierce debate;* • Leo, I fancy, was a member of the Notorious Club ; in those days Judiciously denominated — *' The Philosophical *• Political, and Poetical Club." They used to assemble be- fore six o'clock in the evening, and allowed themselves till nine for the discussion of different subjects : I once heard myself a debate, concerning the election of a new member, which our Author, it seems, has not forgotten :— Then, turning to his trusty prodor, A certain sly, sagacious Dodor,— «• My friend, to whose assistance I ** On perilous occasions fly — ** Tell me, as thy undoubted learning *' Is deep — so deep, 'tis past discerning— " Tell me — shall I, or we, eleft him, '* Or, as incapable, rejefthim?" He paus'd. The Dodor never said A single word, but shook his head ; And, pointing to the President, Rcfei'd the weighty argument. ■^»^»'. "^ i 53 ) in icaU J be- s till leard nber. Hear him declaiming as he sits, (Leo the very first of wits), While gay Democritus is seen Splitting his sides with merry spleen ; Then to the President once noore The words were spoke, as spoke before— ** Tell me — ^shall I, or we, cleft him, ** Or, as incapable, rejeft him?" — ** Leo," the President replied, •* Inform us how he*s qualified ; *' Say, are the membranes of his tongue " Sufficiently acute and strong, •* To argue fast, and argue long ? •* To argue on the subjefts which ** Rise far above all vulgar reach ? •* Those mighty subjefts which we chuse, •* Subtle, elaborate, abstruse? — " Say, can he argue day and night, '* Thro* thick or thin, or wrong or right ? '* Can he all common sense defy ? — '* Is he, in short, like you or I ?" •* — Like you or I ? — he ! never ! never"^ (Leo rejoins) " was half so clever !'* Yet, 'tis plain, he does inherit A share, and no small share, of merit. I've seen him oftentimes confound The gaping concourse gather'd round j Poor Bob would blush, and Hysem too. Look (as the phrase is) mighty blue. ill ii' ( 56 ) I ,< i I if ■» ' / : I ?p^ But Leo argues for his sport, Satyric poetry's his forte ; Free rush, regardless of controul. The rapid numbers from his soul, Uncircumscribed by servile art. From which a poet must depart, A free-born poet, who disdains To wear the tyrant-critic's chains ; Uncircumscribed by frozen rules, Taught in pedantic, rigid schools, As such the rant of every Muse is, That a few ill-spelt lines produces ; And, O d, wonder not that they Shou'd scamper from the beaten way Where you and I are doom'd to stray ; As, warn'd by Prudence, you and I Must with some rules, at least, comply : Yet, why detraftion ?— ought we to Blame what our brother scriblers do ? Fame spurs 'em on, and Fame oft leads To the atchievement of great deeds : Hence our brave C — re explores, 'Midst ambush'd perils, unknown shores ; And hence his philosophic mind, Calm, and intrepidly resign'd, ( 57 ) Is well prepar'd, and quite content To drawl out life in banishment ; He seeks not home, else seeks it so That none his destin'd track can know ; He seeks not home, or, with delay, Wisely prefers the longest way : Four years of labor now are gone, And )^et more labor to be done, As at the close of ev'ry year New proje£ls rise, new views appear : Yes, let us quibble as we will, Fame is our ruling bias still; Ask Stentor* what he thinks of fame; Stentor will tell you just the same, .X I t ' * I II ■^1 ♦ Stentor was, with his friends Leo and others, a member also of the Notorious Club before-mentioned *" ■ Gods, for a flow of rapid words. Such as vociferous Bab affords When he taps his pregnant topic. Wild, obscure, and philosophic : Or for a more incessant flow. Such as harsh Stentor might bestow When he twists his controversy. And contradifts one without mercy ; I ( 58 ) And he, on no wild frantic plan, As he's no speculating man, No sp(;culating man who tries To pv.zzle the dup'd world with Ires ; And ac' — will speak from what he knows, Witness his sheets of rhyme and prose ; i ' hi' To common language bids defiance. And gleans from ev'ry ar*^ and science ; And Johnson's diftatorial pages. Technical and far-fetch'd phrases — ~ Undaunted reas'ner! — how he talks! — O Bab he beats 'en, three by chalks. Not but thou art as supreme In vast stupidity, 3s him ; But he, when fault'rinp; nonsense falls. And his antagonist prevails, flies, frets and foams, and has recourse To noise, intemperance, and force; Just like his Greecian name-sake, who> If tradition tells t:s true, Cou'd fifty voices with his own subdue — Go, mount the rostrum, and display Thy eloquence in some begging way. That passengers may stand and stam At thy quaint words and rampant air. And clap their rabble hatids, and roll Their plaudits on thy breathless soul. } i; ! ( 59 ) } Sucli gentle prose ! such simple rhyme ! To slander either were a crime, A crime which I wou'd not commit For all Pomposo's subtle wit : No, thank my stars, tho' now and then I dash my ink at shameless men ; Yet to bespatter, or suppress A bard's small worth, or make it less, Is more than my sick soul cou'd do, Tho* Jasper's scrolls appear'd in view — Jasper! — be circumspeft, rash Muse! And, O some other subje61: choose! O be advised ! — a man of might Can well resent what'ere you write ; Let the great scribble as they please, Nor dare to interrupt their ease ; Fall on the unresisting, weak — Raise your loud tongue— in thunder speak; But shun the scribbling great ! — O be, Rash Muse, this once advis'd by me! In vain the wisest things we preach, Unaided by the flow'rs of speech, 'Tis rhetoric, that mellifluous art Which captivates the willing heart : m I I 2 ( 6o ) Hear graceful Caliban harangue In free, spontaneous, native slang ; Mark how his auditors, how they His oratoric pow'rs obey ; At ev'ry witty word he speaks, Laughter inflates their ruddy cheeks, At ev'ry moral sentence, then They wonder, and look grave again : — Yes, 'tis too true, in vain wc preach, Unaided by the flow'rs of speech : My Muse she points, and cries — " look there;" Who cou'd behold them, and forbear, Luccllus,* the dull wretch of pride, With prim Rodolphot at his side; * " Lucellus, the dull wretch of pride" This, 1 fear, is too satyrical. In another place Lucellus is thus spoken of: But who is he with that terrific air. That struts and frets, and seems to cry — " take care. 'n ti ! n f Prim Rodolpho> appears more absurd than criminal, and our Author only rallies a fault, instead of reprobating a vice. With implied commendation, he airily goes on Oil, blinded rage, these offerings are due. Good qualities he had — 'tis very true ; ( Gi ) I ^r?.nt it, and I must excuse The turbulent and mcriy Muse- , IS ntl cc. *' Diimme, 'tis I?" a king, beyond dispute — Ah no, a subject! — rather say — a brute! Whose pointed ears, so like the angry bear. Promiscuous thrtaten danger here, and there; Whose heavy paw, by wanton fury led. Gripes weaker creatures with its clumsy tread — Jt is Lucellus — shun liis ambient eye, P'or where t.bm' fixes, pestilence is nigh. hard words, -v i Blest with fine arts, with knowledge and hard words, A long spun pedigree of dukes and lords, And yet bold Fate one marring fault records- Whvit is this fauU ? a fault in which he glories. Of tolling o'er and o'er a freight of stories ; A fault in which a tliousand people err. And yet a i\\u\t that scarcely one can bear; A dreadful fauli — a dose of laudnum why ? Because it poisons sense, and deadens ev'ry ey^ — Oh, fatal boon! a passion to relate Dry torturing nonsense of forgotten date ! . This is /A)' fault, Rodolpho, which appears Trifling to all, but to thy neighbours' ears. That doom'd (Oh, pitious case!) to undergo The Icngthning tale, invariable and slow : Oh pr'ythee, Sir, the grievous task resign ! And then — what then ?— the offerings are thiiie. ! i ' mw ^ I { 62 ) But stay — how many times I swore I'd never deal in satire more ? Yet all the oaths we poets swear Are scatter'd to the vagrant air : Yet, hark ! hark ! hark ! — what notes are those f They had ''' a dying, dying close!" — Say, is it that pathetic bird Whose song by day is seldom heard ? That plaintive bird in hill and dale, Known by the name of nightingale ? Ah, no! 'tis he who sings so well, Known by the tuneful name of B— 1.* • Our Author, in the present Instance, has not adhered to that general plan of adopting a fiftitious name to conceal a real one ; but, as 1 have often heard him express great regard .for Mr. B — 1, I shall feel no conipuni^ion in transcribing the ensuing merry thoughts B — 1 borrows stories, and, with utmost skill, IL'nds their materials to his temp'ring will; Appropriates to himself a lucky jest, And at the * damn'd good thing,' laughs louder than the rest. And, O he warbles ! — Ileav'ns, what a strain ! lie warbles higher than the eunuch train : Orpheus, they tell us, made obedient stones 6tart from their settled beds to hear his tones ; ( 63 ) *Tis he, whose high, insidious strain, Strove my Sophia's heart to gain : But, O d, Vast a bit, while I My sonnetteering talents try. But B — ^l — have patience— — Orpheus went to hell j And B — 1 ivill go — sage gipsy people tell! dto :al a ;ard ; the rest. As 1 have printed this gentleman's name once without his permission, if I do it again, in the sanr.' clandestine way, f shall continue to hope for hii; forgiveness, more parlicularly ^5 what I am about to add does not so nearly concern him: — ■ B — 1, let me give my bursting passion vent. And swell each croudcd line with my intent To damn the Spaniards——— Damn the Spaniards — damn their limbs — Damn their edifts — damn their whims — Damn their hearts out — damn their eyes — Damn their causeless jealousies — Damn the Vice-Roy — damn 'cm all — Damn Arqualio—damn Old Saul — Damn the coast — and damn all those. Or him who will not interpose To get us damn'd Carvallos — Damn the priests — and damn the missions- Damn their wiles and superstitions — Damn their lands — and, to be brief. Damn ev'ry thing but— damn'J good beef !— ■II SONNET, OR SOMETHING IN THE SHAPE OF ONE. SOPHIA. f iH^;. % :i % rr ^* ^'l •* 1 ,l- . , 1' J. 1 WILL not, Sophy, dare to praise That lovely face of thine, Altho', too sure, that lovely face Hath won this heart of mine — 1 will not say thy lov^e-taught eyes. Those eyes so very bright. Surpass the planetary skies, That chase the gloom of night ; Nor will I say thy fragrant brcatli Is sweeter far than hay, Or flow'rs of the dulcet heath, Or newly blossom'd may : M ( 65 ) Nor will I say thy breasts are white. Or call them hills of snow ; » Nor will I say they yield^elight, Altho' these truths I know.— -- \*' > i YE pastoral deities, what rhyme f How beautiful ! and how sublime 1 Henceforth I'll have ideal flocks. And falling streams, and craggy rocks : Henceforth Sophia shall be Phillis, Or Phillida, or Amaryllis ; And I, a gentle shepherd swain, Must tuYie my pipe upon the plain ; But stay, a name I first will find, To carve upon the bleeding rind-rr- Strephon ? — yes : how fine 'twill sound To all the babbling echoes round. The babbling echoes, that repeat Our names so very soft and sweet ! Hie, barefaced RibaJ^ry, away! To love I'll trill the icnder lay, ]i 'i 'I \ ( 63 ) Love shall henceforth my thoughts empldy^ Su'eet source of ever-flowing joy ! And should I, gods, as- heretofore, Indignant break the oaths I swore, Snatch from my frantic hand the pen, Nor let it brave your wrath again ! DIALOGUE B E T W ii E N THE AUTHOR AND HIS FRIEND. d ^ Fr. JL ooLisii, the man who writes — Aiit, but more so him who fears Illiberal censures and attendant sneers — Me! — for my part, the random things I say, However stupid, in whatever way, Pass freely from my pen ; nor do I care What my detra6lors or admirers are; 1 cannot please the World — to please a few, Is all I ought, and all I wish to do. ( 67 ) < k< Fr, — Let not this itch thy wretched breast in- vade! — Ah, truft me, rhyming is a bootless trade! Aut. — Are my rhymes selfish ? do they con- descend To buoy up greatness ? or depress a friend ? Suns blaze around me ! — bring my works to light ; Inspect the whole! — examine what I write! Breathes there a verse — Oh, can one trivial line Afford objection as to bad design? Fr. — Your Muse is partial, and irregular, Somqtimps too kind, and sometimes too severe; She drives — she raves with undistinguish'd force, Nor Reason shapes her intelle6lual course : Hence, Hysem's drawn in morning colors bright; And Furius blacker than the shades of night. But think what trash not long ago you pen'd; Trash that can't please, and often may offend; Trash it must be, Pomposo calls it trash; And you may smart beneath Poniposo's lash. /iif^. — That Heav'n avert! — forbid that I should be The sport, the theme of imbecility ! Tho' it xi^'as trash, I grant, and such as might Inspire Pomposo with a wish to write, ■ n ) : ) ' \\\ ( 68 ) ?•■ t It might spur on Pomposo to excel; * * And cou'd the man forbear who writes Fr, ■ " so well ? Aut. — The man who writes so much " Fr, but seldom sense ? Aut, — Pshaw ! — when words chime ought that to give offence ? So soft, so sweet, his n ambers steal along, 'Twerc sin if sense should interrupt the song; The tuneful periods grating sense might break, And who'd negledl the sound for judgment's sake ? Glide on, soft numbers ! — Ah, Pomposo, flill Invoke the Muses, sweat, and write y( r fill ! Glide on, sweet numbers f-*-take, Pomposo, pains ;■ Cease not — do any thing; nay, burst thy brains ; Write, write. Oh, write!— be fearless, and despise The critic's suffrage, and the pedant's cries ; Dullness thy aim-. Stupidity thy guard—? Remain the same, invulnerable Bard f i^r.— Suns blaze around hin;! can one trivial line Afford objetlion— - Aut, — as to bad desi^jn? ft o Stop when presumptuous Folly lordly grows, And claims that worth " which feertse alone be- stows;" ( G9 ) i When the unblushing Jargon flaunts about^ In strumpet fintry bedizen'd out; *' Who but must laugh?" who cou'd his scorn suppress, , To see a scullion in the regal dress? ' / Fr. — Yet pause : a paper once poor C-— s found Spread to derision on the public ground ; S — o caught his animated view, L— -a in sequence, T— — e follow'd too. Oh, names ! unlucky names ! for these alone Cou'd make its unsuspe6led purport known: He read and wept ; the general disgrace, And Fear's pale ensign trembled in his face : Oh, ill-star'd maniac!— ^how wert thou diflrest ? Ten thousand furies wanton'd in thy breast : In brittle dust the trampled bottles lay, And desolatioi^ clear'd the lint-strew'd way ; So when an ox receives a mighty blow, Madden'd with pain,, he staggers to and fro; Repeat the blow — see, see, again he flies, With fury flashing in his blood-slain'd eyes ; Promiscuous ruin marks his frantic tread. And Mischief points the weapons of his head. '. V i .; K > m ( 70 ) -^M^-s— Enough, enough ; in pure compassion cease, Nor wound with retrospects my present peace. By Heav'n I grieve ! I do repent the time ' I blazon'd such stupidity in rhyme. Henceforth be free ; grub C s, grub and find How systems differ in the vivick kind : Henceforth be free ; botanic L- — »— a, still Immerse your paws in operative skill! . And, wretches, should the pregnant clouds let fall* Moijikics, baboons, and apes, dissetl: 'em all ; But, ah, preserve their skins ! for in that dress You'll figure candidates for F R S. * * ** And should the pregnant clouds let fall," Sec- This is literally founded on a true story, within my own know- ledge; but it is of such a ludicrous nature, that I cannot, wirh conlmon gravity, relate it here. — The part, too, which concerns the kirncd body denominated F R S is also, I be- lieve, autlientic ; but even here I shall remain silei^t, as it would iil-bcfit me (though the Poet has presumed to do it) to derogate from the allowed honour ^nd utility, of that illus- trious society of able philosophers. The first societies have their weak parts ; and although little anecdotes must occur in the course of centuries, in proof of this observation, i( savours too much of arrogance to expose them to the un- judging eyes of iiilterate and splenetic readers ; who, blinde4 ( 71 ) Fr. — What madness now ? is this poetic spleen? From whence this fury ? s:iy, what does it mean ? Aid. — Oh, had I but regardless P s lyre, I'd laughing set the wrangling world on fire ; Approving gods, I would ; and my despotic swa]^ The base should tremble at, and fools obey : But as it is — Pomposo, write Jigain, Nor drop, 'till death, the self-suflicient pen: But tts it is — ye whisperers, appear In prudent council at the Sultan's ear, And insolence shall crow, and merit pine, - And wondrous merit — Hysem, such as thine. Fr, — Well, take advice, nor let the empty name Of Poet, lead thee to mistaken fame : What profits cans't thou gain? — what honors- boast ? What one requital for the useless' cost ? None, none, believe me: — so the labor's lost ! Besides, let commcn sense Aut. — No, never! never whilst this ardent breast Beats with the wish, shall that wish be supprest ! by ignorance or prejudice, would meanly depreciate that knowledge, which tends, ro the promotion of their own good, and the good of the comamnity at large. '.«: m ( 72 ) Dear source of pleasure ! — gods, how 6ft I feci Transports few know, and transports none can tell ; Desist! desist ! — nor talk of common sense ; I have in view an ample recompence ; Imagination common sense supplies, Teyes And laughs, and talks, and charms my ravish'd With fairer prospers than yon Tyrian skies*. ) 'es-j • " Tyrian"— -expressive of the fine glow of equinoftial skies, under whose influence our author was when the above Poem was written. il i m \ ■ t '}, •#ife>A