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Lorsque le document est trop grand pour Stre reproduit en un seul clichd, il est filmd d partir de Tangle supdrieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images ndcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mdthode. rata elure. 32X 1 2 3 1 2 9 4 5 6 ^m i I ■iMfifiiii^^pinnvivwiwii'ppu ■ 11 1 cA^ /(^ THE MAJOR'S B I G -T A L K STORIES ■misi ■m L.. » "f- :.'>'•'' % ILLUSTRATION'S TO SUBJECTS. Front. THE MAJORS BIGTALK STORIES ul9 Front. BY FRANCIS BLAKE CROFTOX WITH ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS G/i, 7vhat a /angled 7vcb we weave When first lue practise to deceive!" mill i3£ ♦ti ^ FREDERICK WARNE AND CO. BEDFORD STREET, STRAND r88i *? ,*, d^aa/ — A^ V^o LONDON : K. CI.AY, EONS, AND TAYLOR, mSKAU s: RKKT Hll.l., I'.C. CONTENTS T/u>ic Sloiies marked* art imluded by permission of the Proprietors of "Si. A'ic'ioi.is," S:nbi,er>s Utuslraled M.igazine for Boys and Girls. * A VACILLATING BEAR 1. PAfiK I THE EXTINCT (?) MOA II. * A MISUNDERSTANDING A LION lO THE RESCUE * THE I!VE-I!VE THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL MY OWN BUGBEAR THE " PORCUPINES '. III. 1\' V. VJ. VII. Vlll. 13 19 25 27 32 39 ^ ^ ^ -^ ^ c,- vi CONTENTS. IX. rAGii A USEFUL KNOT .... . . • 44 X. * SEE-SAW IN AN ELEPHANT PIT 4^ XI. SAVED BY THE ENEMY 53 XII. THE MAJOR AS A POET 59 XIII. THE MAJOR ON "THE GIRAFFE" 62 XIV. * THE CATAPULT SNAKE » , 66 XV. CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS . , 7 1 XVI. THE ASHUS 75 XVII. * CHASED BY A HOOP SNAKE 77 XVIII. A FIRE-BALLOON 80 XIX. A PAIR OF BRIGHT EYES 85 XX. TREASURE-TROVE 89 XXI. * AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST . . . 98 g|&,:.-. m CONTENTS. vii I'Ar.E 104 XXII. * A TWO-LEGGED STEED XXIII. HOW TO LIE 118 XXIV. AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE II7 XXV. FISHING FOR A LION 120 XXVI. A CASTLE IN THE AIR I27 XXVII. * A GREEN MAN AND A " GREEN liEASl I30 XXVIII. OUR CHROMO . . . . c . . . . 134 XXIX. SIDE USES OF MEDICINK I39 XXX. THE GRATEFUL CAT I45 XXXI. * HIE " HOWIS D.VTFORUl" J4p LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PAGB FRONTISPIECE f^ • j-.i facing tttle "MANG3 SEIZED THE BEAR FIRMLY BY THE Ta:^ " 4 " AKACHU !" SAID THE RHINOCEROS. " AKACHU !" SAID THE CROCODILE. . . . i6 THE LION FLYING FROM NIGG . . , .... 36 I GO INTO THE PIT . . 49 THE RHINOCEROS GOES INTO THE PIT _j THE CATAPULT SNAKE STkUCK ME SHARPLY ON THE SHOULDER gg PARALYZING A PYTHON „q THE LEOPARD STRIVES TO REACH THE MAJOR lO, THE TWO-LEGGED STEED BESIEGED BY AN KI.KPHANT . 131 THE KANGAROO BAFFLES THE LION »So ^^MlSfl*^ C^ THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. I. A VAC1L[,ATING JiKAk. "Oil, uncle, you must tell us some stories!" cried little Bob, running over from grandmamma's corner; "grandmamma says you used to tell such stories before you went to Africa, and she 's afraid you'll tell more than ever now. I don't see wh)- African stories should frighten her — / love them.' " My child, I never tell stories," said the Major. " One," whispered grandmamma. " But," resumed the Major, " if you are good boys and don't interrupt, I might tell you a few events of a highly moral kind." "Two," whispered grandmamma. "These adventures," continued the Major, in his dignified manner, -teach that 'necessity is the mother of invention,' that B THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES, you should ' never say die,' and sundry other morals. Most of them are experiences of my own." " Three," whispered grandmamma. " One at a time is all I can manage — you mustn't bother me for more, boys." "All serene," said bumptious Bill; "out with Number One." One morning, began the Major, my negro gardener came to me in great alarm and stated that his twin sons. Mango and Change, had taken out his gun that morning, and had been missing ever since. I at once loaded my rifle, loosed my Cuban blood-hound, and followed the man to his hut. There I put the dog upon the children's scent, following on horseback myself It turned out that the young scamps had gone on the trail of fi large bear, though they were only thirteen years old, and their father had often warned them not to meddle with wild beasts. They began their adventure by hunting the bear, but ended, as often happens, in being hunted by the bear : for Bruin had turned upon them, and chased them so hard that they were fain to drop the gun and take to a tree. It was a sycamore of peculiar shape, sending forth from its stem many small, but only two large, branches. These two were some thirty feet from the ground, and stretched almost horizontally A VACILLATING LEAR. in opposite directions. They were as like each other as the twin brothers themselves. Change took refuge on one of these, Mango on the other. ■J he bear hugged the cree till he had climbed as far as the fork. There he hesitated an instant, and then began to creep along the branch which supported Chango. The beast advanced slowly and gingerly, sinking his claws into the bark at every step, and not depending too much upon his balancing powers. Change's position was now far from pleasant. It was useless to play the trick-well known to bear-hunters-of enticing the animal out to a point where the branch would yield beneath its great weight, for there was no higher branch within Chango's reach, by catching which he could save himself from a deadly fall. Three more steps, and the bear would be upon him or he would be upon the ground. Brave as the boy was, his teeth chattered. At this moment Mango, nerved to heroism by his brother's peril, moved rapidly from the opposite limb of the tree. Stepping behind the bear, he grasped with one hand a small higher bough, which extended to where he stood, but not to where his brother lay; with the other hand he seized the animal firmly by its stumpy tail. The bear turned to punish his rash assailant ; but, angry as he was, he turned cautiously. It was no easy task to right-about- THE MAJOR'S JUG-TALK STORIES. face on a branch which had already begun to tremble and sway beneath his weight. Chango was saved, for the bear evidendy had transferred his animosity to Mango, whom he pursued, step by step, towards the extremity of the other limb. But Chango was not the boy to . . ■■ ■ I ' ' " ■ i ' -.I • ■ ' " ■ ' ' ' "— — — — — — . - ■.W--'->,.x'.^i*'^ 'MANGO SEIZED THE DEAR FIRMLY BY THE TAIL," leave his brother and rescuer in the lurch. Waiting until the enraged brute was well embarked upon Mango's branch, he pulled its tail, as he had seen his brother do before. Again Bruin turned awkwardly, and resumed the interrupted chase of Chango. The twins continued their tactics with success. Whenever the A VACILLATING BEAR. .^ bear was well advanced on one limb and dangerously close to one twin, the other twin would sally from the other limb and pull the beast's tail. The silly animal always would yield to his latest impulse of wrath, and suffer himself to be diverted from the enemy who was almost in his clutches. After two hours of disappointment he recognised his mistake. He was now, for the tenth time, on Chango's branch, and very near Chango. In vain Mango dragged at his hinder extremity : he kept grimly on till Mango, forced to choose between letting go the brute's tail or the higher branch which alone enabled him to keep his feet, let go the former. Chango could now retreat no further, md he was hardly a yard beyond the bear's reach. The branch was swaying more than ever, and the beast seemed quite aware that he might tax its strength too far. After a pause, he advanced one of his fore-feet a quarter of a yard. To increase the bear's difficulty in seizing him, the terrified boy let himself down and swung with his hands from the bough. He was hanging in suspense between two frightful deaths His heart was sinking, his fingers were relaxing. Then the deep baying of a hound struck his ear, and his hands again closed firmly on the branch. In a moment a blood- hound and a horseman sprang through the underwood. THE MAJOR'S BIG- TALK STORIES. Chan<'o held on like grim death — held on till he heard the sharp report of a rifle ringing through the air ; held on till the falling carcass of the bear passed before his eyes ; held on till I had climbed the tree, crawled along the br-nch, and grasped his wearied wrists. If that bear only had understood in time that a boy in the hand is worth two in the bush, he might have 1-ngthened his days and gone down with honour to the grave. "But, uncle," observed Bill, "my Natural History says that there is only a single representative of the bear family in all Africa, and it inhabits the Atlas Mountains, and is scarce there. " I never said I met more than one member of the family, did I ? " said the Major. " And I don't wonder these bears are dying off, either, if they are all equally wanting in decision of character." ;-3fi II. THE EXTINCT (?) MOA. "By golly, ^vhat an egg I" exclaimed the little son of Slogo. chief of the Nogoes, whose guest I was at that time. The wayward chiia had wandered one beautiful morning far from the camp of the Nogoes, contrary to the orders of his papa, and had lost his way. Little Rogo, for that was his name, had just come to one of the uninhabited oases of the Southern Sahara -a jungle of tree-heaths and yams and cassavas, between which here and there a stately oil or date palm lifted its crown high into the air. "By golly, what an eggl" cried the delighted boy. as he turned over a spotted thing, as big as a water-melon, which he had found almost hidden in the sand. He examined it at. first ^vith curiosity, afterwards with appetite. Little Rogo had never been told that it was cruel to rob birds' nests and destroy their eggs. If he had been, it is very doubtful that he would have minded, for he was a spoiled child. Besides, he THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. I was growing very hungry just then ; and so after a while he broke the huge egg vvith a stone and began to eat it, although the flavour was a little stronger than he liked. Hot though the day was becoming, Rogo felt icy-cold when he glanced up, at the end of his breakfast, and saw something long reaching down towards him, from over the top of a thick shrub. It had down on it and a bill, and could hardly be a snake, though it did hiss for a moment. Visions of dragons and griffins and chimeras and other mixed monsters flashed before the eyes of the guilty boy. Oh, how sorry he was that he had disobeyed his papa ! and oh, how he longed to be at home with his mamma ! But the neck stretched down steadily towards him. For all that he knew, the creature might be all neck, for the bush over which it came was too thick to see through. Nearer and nearer approached the bill, not hissing now, but in fearful silence. It grasped him firmly by the right arm, and he felt himself rising, like a barrel lifted by a crane. On turning the top of the bush he saw that his captor was a bird something like a giant ostrich, only more erect. It was a relief to find that the creature was not all neck, as Rogo had begun to fear. When the great bird had laid him gently at her feet, Rogo felt a little hope. His terror soon changed to mei'e wonder when the bird began to spread her wings, and cluck and show symptoms I THE EXTJNCT{}) MO A. 9 Rogo when iptoms of pleasure, like those by which a hen expresses her selfish joy that a little chicken has come into a cruel world where doctors order chicken broth for sick people. After a long time Rogo guessed the reason of these demon- strations. The rnoa, for this was the bird's name, though Rogo did not know it, is a very stupid bird, as much stupider than the ostrich as it is larger. This moa fancied the little boy had come out of her own ^gg, beside whose fragments she had found him. Perhaps she was surprised at seeing that he had no feathers or wings, and so short a neck. But then, like herself, he had two legs ; and the wings of a moa are of little account, and the feathers, she may have thought, would come in due time. You have heard how tenderly a thrush or robin will rear young cuckoos which have usurped the place of its own young ones ; and how ducks will act as mothers to little orphaned chickens, and hens to orphaned ducklings. But their affection was nothing to the affection that the great, ungainly moa showed for little Rogo. She felt proud of him, knowing that no moa of her acquaintance could boast of such an infant. She lifted him time and again from the ground to her back, and from her back to the ground. She brought him two pretty little snakes to eat, and, finding that he shrunk from them, she fancied he must be ill, and went away to look for a nice tender toad, suitable for a baby moa c 10 TJIE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. that was 'off its feed.' This he was able to tell , afterwards, because when she returned she had a toad in her mouth. The way Rogo spent the tune while she was away was exciting but not pleasant. As the swamp was some distance off, she had covered him with sand to prevent his straying, leaving only his head above ground. He had struggled against this burial, not knowing how far it would go or how long it would last. But his resistance was vain : the moa was gende, but she was decided. The first thing that particularly interested him was a scorpion ; which he felt before he could see it, for it walked round his neck from behind, and then paused and looked him squarely in the face with its six eyes. Now to a young moa with a neck of the usual length and the digestion of an ostrich a scorpion would be an easy prey and perhaps a delicate morsel ; but poor Rogo nearly fainted. The only thing that saved him from a sting was that he was too closely packed into the sand to shiver or do anything to tease the ugly creature. A naturalist would have seized the occasion to take an object lesson upon the structure and character of the scorpion. But little Rogo was not a naturalist. Rather than study another such ' ped- ipalpous, pulmonary arachnid of the genus Scorpio ' from nature, as he did then, I verily believe that he would have preferred THE JiXT/NC7\}) J/0. 1. I ] I I f taking Webster's Dictionary and learning by heart the tremendous definition I have quoted. Rogo was soon roused from tlu.- stupor whicli succeed..! his fright by die swoop of a vulture which had noticed his disabl..-d condition. Hut the bird had only time to leave the prints of its talons on his head when it was seized by a jackal which envied it its easy prey. The hideous bird extended its wings and tried to raise its assailant from the ground. Failing in this, it fastened its sharp claws upon the jackal's head, whereupon the beast let go its hold with a howl of pain. What the result of this war among thieves might have been, Rogo could only guess, for jt.st then the moa reappeared. Seeing the danger of her adopted offspring, she stretched her long legs and. flapping her short wings to help her along, was soon upon the spot-not in time to punish the combatants, which separated and fled the moment they saw her The motherly moa renewed her strange caresses, and began to dig Rogo out of the sand. Before she had quite finished L's job. the affectionate bird fell dead, pierced by a flight of arrows ; and Slogo. attended by seven Nogo braves, clasped his missing child to his bosom and sobbed " My son ! my son ! " Little Rogo's hair grew white in that one morning. It might have passed for real wool, only that it had also uncurled and stiffened If 12 2V/£ MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIKS. out of sheer frij^lit, so that it looked more hkc the prickles of a burr, or cjuills upon a fretful little porcupine. *' But, uncle," remarked Bill, " I re^d that the moa was extinct ; and, anyhow, it used only to live in Australasia. " The very remark I made myself to SIoljo ! " said the Major. " And what did he say in reply ? " asked Bill. " ' Dar's moa things in Africa, sah, than's dreamed of in your philosophy,' he said in his nigger English." " I wond(;r where he learned to speak nigger English ! " exclaimed Bill incredulously. " Oh, I suppose he had been in Siberia, but I really never asked him. It is not thought polite in Nogoland to ask such l^ersonal questions. " Perhaps the dodo isn't extinct either ! " said Bill ironically. " Perhaps not," returned the Major. " Indeed I have seen spoiled litde girls and young women, too, who are so constantly coaxing somebodj- for something, and so constantly crying ' Do ! do I ' that I have sometimes fancied the dodo has only changed into a duck." III. A MISUNDPIRSTANDING. " I 'M sorry he keeps up that nasty habit." said grandnvunma. who had found the Major's snuff-box on her work-table. " Grandmamma 's sorry ycu keep up the nasty liabit of taking snuff, uncle/' repeated little Bob, delivering the snuff-box to its owner. "Perhaps," observed the Major, "she would not thmk it quite so nasty if it had saved her life as it did mine." " Saved your life ! " cried Bob. " That 's just what it did. What 's the use of repeating one's words in such a tone as that, just as if you doubted them .?" " I only wanted to hear the story, uncle." " In that case," said the Major, " I suppose you must have it :-•' Three of us, two negroes and myself, had been collecting young animals. We had caught an infant rhinoceros and a very promising little crocodile, and had tied the captives in our waggon M THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. 1 We were taking a hasty meal before starting for home, when we perceived the parent animals advancing from different quarters to the rescue of their offspring. In an Instant we had aimed our guns — two at the galloping rhinoceros, one at the waddling crocodile. One negro's bullet hit the latter on the back, but he was a hard-shelled crocodile and wasn't a bit hurt. My gun and the other negro's missed fire. In our struggle with the baby crocodile they had got under water, and we had forgotten to unload and clean them. Our waggon stood beneath a tamarind tree, which we hastened to climb. Fortunately for them, the oxen had not yet been yoked. Both negroes got up In good time, but I was indebted to the rhinoceros for a hoist. It came up before I could pull myself up to the second branch, and just managed to touch my foot with its horn, which gave me a useful and unexpected lift. The tamarind shook with the violence of the monster's charge. Soon the crocodile came up, too, and the blockade of the tree was complete. At first we hoped the animals might manage to free their young ones and retreat. But the cords had been too well tied, and the awkward beasts did not know what to do with them. So they waited on and on for their revenge. They were quite friendly to each other, and seemed to have formed a sort of alliance. .-/ MISUNDEKSTANDJNG. »5 It w„s plain they would outlast us, unless sonK-thing turned up. They had two advantages over us, in „„t bein,. obliged to cln,g to branches, and in havin. water at hand, to which the>^ could go, one at a ,in,e, to refresh then.selves. liefore clin,bin? we had been forced to drop our firearn,3, wet and dry 1 got out mj. snnfif-box and took a pinch to aid n,y delibera- tions. I wondered whether a crocodile would like snuff, or whether It would think it a " n.istv hibit " Af .,n , , i.i.,t) iiabit. At all events I thoujjht it could clo no harn, to try. One of the negroes always carried whipcord to mend the whips and the harness of the waggon. , borrowed this and crocodiles snout. Then I shook the string and scattered the snufl' A n,on,ent afterwards the crocodile n,ade a sound so htnnan that I was going to call it a remark. " Akachu ! " observed the reptile. "Akachu! Akachu i Akichi, i " ;, Akaclui! ,t repeated at ijitervals opening its jaws wide every time. The rhinoceros seenred surprised at this behaviour on the l--t of his all3.. He evidently did not like it, and secn,ed uncertain wether to take it as a personal insult or as a syn,pt„m of insanity r.s furnished n,e with an idea. , would fan the «an,e of enmity between the friendlv n.onsters and turn their brutal strength agains each other. "" 10 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. I could not get at the rhinoceros myself, but one of the negroes was just above it ; so I passed the box and string, and directed him to give the beast a few pinches of snuff as I had done to the crocodile. "AKACHU!" SAin THE RHINOCEROS. "AKACHU!" SAID THE CROCODILE. The latter animal had just done sneezing himself when, to his mortification and disgust, he heard the rhinoceros apparently beginning to mimic him. A MJSUNDERSTANDriVG. n len, to jarently " Akachu ! " said the rhinoceros ; " Akachu ! Akachu ! " open- ing his mouth in the very way the crocodile had done. This was too much for the king of reptiles to stand. To be mocked thus, and in the presence of his child ! The blood of the Leviathans was up. At this moment we scattered the rest of the snuff in the faces of both animals impartially. " Akachu ! " they roared, grimacing at each other hideously and threateningly for a few moments. Then they rushed to battle, uttering the same war-cry — "Akachu!" The rhinoceros had the best in the first round. He got his horn under the saurian's lower jaw and tossed it over on its back. The reptile now seemed helpless ; but with a sweep of its resistless tail it knocked its enemy's fore legs from beneath him and pre- vented his following up his advantage promptly. The quadruped, however, after a while got round the overturned crocodile, and was about to stamp upon the soft side of its body when a convulsive sneeze came to the reptile's aid and lent an electric energy to its muscles. With a triumphant " Akachu ! " it turned right side up and grasped a leg of the rhinoceros in its huge jaws. This was turning the scales with a vengeance on the rhinoceros, who now tried to crush the saurian's shell by means of his superior weight. Such was the blindness of their fury that I now felt it was 1) ■>4 d ■p _g THE MAJORS BIGTALK STORIES the young ones before the monsters' eyes. For the moment the.r parental affection had been fairly snuffed out. Before we were out of hearing something cracked. "Go it, you cripples!" exclaimed one of the negroes, brutally. "What did you do with the young animals, uncle?" inquired Bill- , ,. ..The snuff was indirectly fatal to them also." answered the Major " No sooner were they unloosed than they spiritedly took up the quarrel of their parents, and fought it out to the end." .. Do you remember the motto of imperial Rome, my boy ? .. . Divide and prevail,' I suppose you mean." ..precisely so," said the Major; "and 1 have found it a useful thino- to recollect on more occasions than one.' IV. A LION TO THE RESCUE. I HAD adopted a little orphaned lion, and 'we grew to be quue fond of each other. In the freshnesr. and fervour of youth when one is n,ost easily thrilled by poetry and hope, I had been deeply moved by the noble rhyme : " If I had a donkey what wouldn't go. Wouldn't I wallop it? Oh, no !,»/•' Acting on this n-.erciful sentiment. I never walloped a vicious bull- dog, hke Emily Bronte; nor pitch-forked a bull, like certain big bold boys that I knew ; nor forced reluctant bears to stand on their h.nd legs and dance, as wandering Italians do. And I carried out the same benevolent principle in the education of my lion. While he was a cub, he was so funny and playful that I never thought of correcting him at all. When he grew up. I was even more gentle w.th him. for I shrank from ,owering the self-respect of a full-grown l.on, unused to confinement or restraint, by inflicting the disgrace of a whipping upon him. 20 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. ^, The affection of the lion fully repaid me for this forbearance of mine. " Li," for I always called him by this short name, would let me pull his mane and ride on his back, would eat out of my hand and give me his paw at the command, " Shake hands." He accompanied me on my walks, and, when I went on my longer expeditions, he would go out day after day in the hope of meet- ing me returning, and be sulky and restless all the time I was away. On more than one occasion he proved a valuable ally to me. Li was on the best of terms with my horses and dogs. He did not indeed allow too much familiarity on the part of the latter, and once, when a bloodhound rashly seized a hone that he had dropped, he stunned the robber with a blow of his tail. When Li was just four years old, I made a short journey into the interior to trade with a chief who had captured a large lot of ostrich feathers. As his character for honesty was not satisfactory, I thought I would bargain that he should send the feathers and be paid on delivery. By this plan I fancied I would secure, not only the goods, but also my own safety, for he could get no pay before my return home. I went accordingly without money, waggons or attendants, mounted on a horse of most remarkable strength and speed. But the chief had sold his feathers before my arrival, and, seeing no profit in letting me go home, he treacherously dragged :$ i' A LION TO THE RESCUE. at into lot of |ctory, id be only Ibefore •ns or Ih and lI, and, i ragged me from my horse, as he was handing me some water in a cocoa-nut. In a moment I was overpowered and bound by his attendants. In vain I appealed to his better nature, reminding him that I had never done him any harm ; in vain I tried to arouse his covetousness by promising him a splendid ransom. Unhappily I was particularly fat just then, and he had once tasted missionary. It was past noon and I was respited to the evening, for the chief had dined. Even if I could manage to cut my cords, I had no earthly chance of escape, for my horse had galloped away when I was seized. This action of the trusty and intelligent animal surprised as well as disappointed me, for «.'ae night, when he had been scared by a leopard and had broken his tether, he hid come back to my camp-fire in the morning, to carry his master home. Evening came, and I was tied horizontally to two stakes and laid upon a pile of fire-wood, which women and children were industriously increasing every moment. The chief, with his wives and invited guests, was lying on a slope close by me. I heard one young woman smack her lips expectantly. Was she longing to kiss me, or to eat me ? The thought was seemingly a strange one in my circumstances. But I had attained the calmness of despair. I had forgiven all my enemies and nearly all my false friends. At last the chief gave the signal to light the fire. 22 THE MAJOR'S BIG- TALK STORIES. But a new actor now came upon the scene. My faithful horse appeared at the head of the slope, and came down like a tornado into the assembly, with something on his back. In another second an angry lion bounded a dozen feet over the head of the galloping horse, into the very midst of the cannibals. One roar burst from his distended jaws, and it was the sweetest music I had ever heard. It was not a long roar, for my Li wasted no time in noise. With one paw he brained the treacherous chief; with a sweep of his tail he floored his three nearest wives ; while at the same moment he snapt off the head of the young lady who had been smacking her lips in such an unpleasant manner. Then he indulged in a long and thunderous roar, which knocked down all the tribe that remained standing, and put most of them into fits. He did the business pretty thoroughly, did my Li. Presently he came and tore the cords that bound me, and licked my hands and face. He took a little skin off in his excite- ment, but I forgave him. Li had evidently been on the look out for me as usual, and had met my returning horse halfway. The two intelligent animals then exchanged ideas, and decided on a charge of cavalry as the fastest means of rescuing me. " What became of the lion afterwards .'' " asked Bob. ".tJ A LION TO THE RESCUE. »3 " My poor Li died on the spot," answered the Major with emotion ; " a cannibal's head stuck in his throat. "Slowly and sadly I laid him down, From the field of his fame fresh and gory ; I carved not a line and I raised not a stone, But I left him alone in his glory. " Though the cannibals had not the slightest appetite remaining now, I thought it only prudent to ride off at once. But in a few days I returned with a party, and covered his grave with sods. We marked the spot with a headstone bearing the words, ' Here Lies Li.' There being a spring there, we contrived to make a little fountain, to keep the grass green and mark the place." " Where is it ? " asked Bill. " I might like to visit it when I go to Africa." " Ah, would you ? Well, it is between Morocco and Timbuctoo, in -aned a little towards the sea. The fountain will guide you, and you cannot mistake the place when you get there. The last time I made a pilgrimage to it, I found a nest of centipedes under the headstone and a leopard's den at the foot of the mound, while a lonely viper was creeping mournfully over the grass. It is easy enough to identify the spot ; but the visiting of shrines in Africa has its drawbacks." •4 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. .. And now, my dear boy." added the Major, " if you ever fee. a n.an te.pta.on to poke wild beasts with sticks through .he bars of their cages, just re,r,e,nber the )ion of Androcles and my own big I-*' i! V. TIIK BVE-KYE. n " Dc \frican monkeys swing by their tails like the prehensile-tailed apes of South America?" asked Bill. " My Natural History says No." " I suppose your Natural History is right," answered the Major. " The monkeys of America OMght to beat those of the Old World in the item of tall tails. But the African Bye-bye, or rope-tailed ape, is an exception." " I never read of it," observed Bill. " Nor did I," said the Major. " Indeed, I never believed in its existence until one day, far in the interior, what seemed to be a lame monkey crossed our path a good way in advance. A panther was pursuing it. The monkey was trailing a long chain or rope behind it, and hobbled on with B 36 THE AfA/OA"S BIG- TALK STORIES. seeming difficulty, till it reached a tall, smooth trunkcd palm, with not a branch lower than twenty feet from the ground. Halting there, it faced its pursuer with a look of calm despair, like one who has abandoned earthly hope. "This seemed only to please the cruel panther. Me quickened his pace, and was soon within a few rods of his intended prey, when the rope before alluded to began to rise rapidly from the ground ! ' Excelsior ! ' appeared to be the motto of the erectile rope, which I now perceived was really the monkey's tail. Up and up it went, like Jack's bean-stalk ; higher and higher it mounted up the trunk. In a few seconds its end was twenty feet in the air, and was coiling round the first branch of the palm ! *' Then the ape began ascending its own tail, hand over hand, with great agility, until it reached the branch. Safely seated there, it gazed forgivingly at its baffled persecutor, only muttering now and then the strange ejaculation to which it owes its name : ' Bye-bye ! bye-bye ! bye-bye ! I j> ith VI. THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. Waali. son of Hassan the camel-dealer, borrowed the finest camel in his father's stud. He was going to make a runaway match, like young Lochinvar. and his love was daughter of a desert chieftain who hated Waali and his creed of Islam. So Waali was right to select Benazi, a camel, or, strictly speaking, a dromedary, famed for speed, sagacity, and endurance. A leisurely ride of two days-he rode leisurely to keep his camel fresh-brought him to his rendezvous. But he arrived a day too late. The terrible father of Kuku, for this was the fair one's name, had folded his tents and gone many miles further into the desert. But Waali gamely resolved to perseve.^e. l^e trail was broad, and fresh, and easy to follow, unless it should be suddenly effaced by a simoom. After sundry hardships he reached the summer resort of Kuku's tribe-a grove, watered by a pretty stream. He caught the first glimpse of it over the summit of a little knoll. At the near side of 28 THE MAfOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. the grove stood a dark and graceful figure, which his lover's instinct told him was Kuku's. " Kneel, Benazi ! " he commanded ; and the camel knelt, and lowered his neck too ; for he understood that his rider wanted to use the knoll as a screen. Waali had not to wait for nightfall, as he intended, for Kuku's watchful eye had seen his head and the camel's at the same moment that her lover had seen her; so she strolled towards the knoll, to satisfy her curiosity. After a fond embrace, Waali placed her behind him on the dromedary's back and urged Benazi to his utmost speed. No sooner had they left the shelter of the knoll than the chieftain spied them. He roared for his lasso and assegai, and untethered his wild zebra, which delighted in pursuing fugitives, but could not be forced to budge on any other errand. The chase was a notable one. The fiery zebra, fresher and less encumbered, gained slightly but perceptibly on the camel. Tiieir wild gallop was unbroken when, three hours later, the sun went down and the lustrous moon of the tropics loomed above the horizon. A little stream lay before them just then, and the lovers were thirsty and Waali's water-skin was empty. He loosed it from Benazi's side and appealed — not in vain — to the sagacity of the THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. 29 noble animal. The camel reached back his head, grasped the skin in his teeth, and lowered his long neck into the stream, as he trotted through it. The water gurgled into the opened mouth of the water-skin, which was full when Benazi, still running, stretched it back to his rider ; but not a drop found its way down the parched throat of the unselfish dromedary. He would not waste one precious moment on himself On they flew through the moonlit waste. Wild beasts that joined in the chase on their own account were soon hopelessly distanced. About midnight the camel was only ten rods ahead ; but half an hour later he was still keeping the same lead. His superior staying power was beginning to show. Seeing this the savage chieftain goaded his zebra with his spear-point, and the frenzied animal made a last effort to close upon the fugitives. Soon only five rods divided pursuers and pursued ; then four ; then three. The gentle Kuku shut her eyes and clung closer to her lover, as the chief poised his lasso and hurled it with unerring aim. But the intelligent Benazi saw the danger and tossed his long neck back above the heads of his riders. He knew that they could be pulled off his back, but his neck, he reckoned, was a fixture ; and besides, he trusted in his master's aid. The noose descended on his devoted neck ; but before it stopped or stifled him, the alert Waali severed it with his knife. ^ 30 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. This was the end of the race, for the zebra now dropped more and more behind in spite of the threats and cruelty of his rider. At last the jaded animal fell heavily and lay motion- less ; and the angry chieftain faded from the lovers' view, impotently shaking his assegai and mumbling wicked oaths in Tuaric. Poor Benazi, too, was nearly dropping before very long. The drain of that desperate race had quite exhausted those wonderful reserves of fat and of water that every camel carries inside ; and next morning his hump had well-nigh disappeared. "What!" exclaimed little Bob in bewilderment. " Camels do lose their humps from exhaustion," said Bill decisively. " Benazi did, at all events," resumed the Major ; " not a vestige of his hump remained in the afternoon ; for they had come to no water ever since the pursuit ended, and Waali wanted all that was in the water-skin for Kuku and himself" The young couple reached their destination that evening, having made a six days' journey in litde more than one. Old Hassan hastened to congratulate his son and welcome his daughter-in-law to her new home. Her tronsseati, indeed, was sadly " conspicuous by its absence," as the reporters say ; but she brought a dower of beauty and innocence and the camel-dealer had never learned in it' THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. 31 any centre of civilisation to ignore his children's sentiment?^ in selecting spouses for them. But when he saw the humpless camel, he did not recognise it at all, and treated the scraggy animal's endearments with disgust and scorn. He thought his son had been swapping camels and been beaten in the trade. "Ah, you fright of a camel!" he exclaimed, "why did you come to me instead of my own beautiful Benazi ? " And he began belabouring the dilapidated beast in his vexation. "He is Benazi, and he saved my life!" cried Waali. But the explanation was too late. The heroic animal died at the first blow. Ingratitude, more strong than traitor's arms, quite vanquished him. His heart— which had remained stout when his hump shrunk and his various stomachs failed— his heart was broken. On the spot where he fell a monument was erected some months afterwards by his remorseful master, with a legend in Arabic : — HERE LIES BENAZI, THE GELERT OF HIS KIND. So " nations slowly wise and, meanly just, To buried merit raise the tardy bust." '.T VII. MY OWN BUGBEAR. "Among its other wasted wonders the western Sahara hid the hideousness of a native boy, called Nigg. He had a mouth reach- ing very nearly from ear to ear, jagged teeth, a teapot nose, and the Grossest cross-eyes to be found in the Old World. A piebald complexion and a hare-lip were among his charmo ; for his beauty, like a bull-dog's, consisted in his ugliness. Moreover, he was the only negro I ever heard of who was both red-haired and partly bald. His fame was becoming so great that travellers were beginning to take him in as one of the sights of Africa. "When things had come to this point I \/ent to see him my- self, and found him even more hideous than he was rumoured to be. My horse bolted at the first sight of him, and I could hardly make the animal come near him, even after the youngster had closed his eyes and mouth, as his parents bid him do. I had heard of people being 'frights' before, but this fellow was one in earnest. So I thought it well to secure him before his Mi' OlFN BUGBEAR. ii parents knew his worth or grew conceited about him. lliese simple old folk gave him up for the moderate price of ninety-three cents, and thought they had made a good bargain. " I called for him next day, and brought a blind mule to carry him to my house. His parents never kissed him when biddincr him good-bye, and even his mother had to shut her eyes when he stood in front of her. He was very docile, and kept before me all the way, as he was told, without looking round once or frightenincr my horse. " Having fully determined to grow accustomed "to him, I forced myself to look at him many times each day. and soon was able to view his face for several seconds without shuddering. After a while I even began to fear that Nigg was not so very frightful after all, at least not frightful enough to scare cannibals and beasts of prey, as I had fondly hoped when purchasing him. " However, I was cheered up from time to time by seeing the terrifying effect he produced on men and animals that saw him for the first time. None of these were more alarmed than he him- self was when he first looked into a mirror. He started back with a yell, and rushed to me, exclaiming : ' Massa ! massa ! Black debbil in a dish! Black debbil in a dish ! ' He was generally an amiable lad, and so he rather astonished me one day by darting a spiteful glance at his mule, which had just thrown him. Well for the mule F -,1-i^E5= 34 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. that it was blind, for I never saw so hideous a face in a dream, even after eating four platefuls of plum-pudding. For my part, although the sight did bring on a slight attack of the chills, I was quite charmed at this proof of Nigg's powers. If any hyena, or snake, or gorilla, could face the face Nigg made then, I wanted to see the animal. "And so I took Nigg out on a hunting expedition. The first beast we came upon was a leopard, which lay on the carcase of an antelope, and growled as animals are wont to do when interrupted at their meals. " ' Make the face you made at the mule ! ' " I cried. " But poor IMigg never looked more frightened and less frightful than when he tried to do so. If the leopard was not showing signs of charging, I think I should have burst out laughing at the abject terror of the boy. In another second he was running for his life, and the leopard after him. However, I managed to bowl th*^^ beast over at the first shot, for he presented a full broadside as he bounded after Nigg. "This cowardice of Nigg seemed fatal to my hope of using him as a body-guard. He was frightened by every animal that we wanted to frighten, and he only scared the animals we wanted to get near. I could not get a shot at a deer or antelope closer than five hundred yards, and was soon forced to turn homewards _ My OWN BUGBEAR. 33 from loss of cimmunltion and want of meat. I spent my last cartridge, in missing a gazelle, about ten miles from home. " Soon after this unlucky shot we entered a valley, through which a stream had formerly flowed. Happening to look a-hell. I saw some creature creeping stealthily towards our path. Its outlines were obscured by the dense shade of a tamarind tree, which stood at the edge of a thicket. My horse was too tired! and the ground too uneven, to retreat ; besides which disadvantages a violent wind would be blowing in our faces if we turned. To go on boldly was our best chance. " If I could only call forth that Gorgon glance that Nigg had once wasted on his blind mule! There was Nigg. and thl was the mule. The same causes generally produce the same effects. The question, therefore, was how to make the mule throw Nigg. Happily. Nigg had not seen the wild beast, which J could only see dimly myself, and that because I knew where to look for it. As we approached the tree, I leaned forward in my saddle and tickled the mule with my whip. Most African cattle start violently when anything like an insect touches them ; for some insect bites are fatal to them. " Up went the mule's ' business end,' and down went the un- expecting Nigg, with his angry face happily turned from me and towards the ambushed beast. With a howl, rather than a roar. 2>(^ TJIE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. a large lion sprang from the thicket and disappeared beyond the summit of the right-hand slope. Such a shivering, wilted, scared animal in a lion's skin I never saw before or after." "And what became of Nigg afterwards?" asked Bill, as the Major made a pause. Tilt LION FLYING FROM MGG. " In spite of his usefulness on this one occasion," said the Major, " I found him too unreliable to employ as a scarecrow. A friend, learning that I was disappointed in the boy, begged him of me, promising to use him kindly ; and so I gave him away. I did foolishly, for the rascally ' friend ' sold him soon afterwards for £2,000 as an escort to some traders from Morocco" My OIVAT BUGBEAR. 37 "As an escort!" ejaculated Bill. "Yes. You see these fellows have to take a niunbcr of armed men with them in their trading e.xpeditions, and Nigg was just as much protection, for they i-naa l,„w lo use him. I might have guessed how myself, for I had often been told in my boyhood that anybody could scare a bull by merely turning his back to the animal and bending down and gazing calmly at it through his legs. The sudden change of shape, they say. will frighten any animal unused to transformation scenes. " It is true that little Washington Smith tried the dodge un- successfully with our bull. Jack Horner. But Horner either understood transformations or else thought the new animal before him would toss just as nicely as a boy. After a further brief trans- formation into a bird, little Wash touched the ground on the safe side of the fence, thereby shortening the pleasant pastime of the bull. " But then, you see, Nigg had <:ertain advantages that little Wash Smith had not. His face, looking at one in this inverted and unusual position, was simply diabolical. Not a lion, nor a buffalo, nor any other living thing wanted any doser acquaintance with so terrible a creature." " Is he an escort still } " inquired little Bob. "No, the poor fellow!" said the Major. 'The traders once 38 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. came upon a short-sighted lion, which did not see Nigg, and con- sequently did not run away, and the unhappy escort was forced to stay with his head down until he died from pressure of blood upon the brain. "Poor Nigg! Barring perhaps the Gorgon Medusa and the Veiled Prophet of Khorassan, he certainly was the ugliest thing out." VIII. THE " PORCUPINES." "Are the stories of expbrers true, uncle, about the neariy white tribes they found in Africa .' " asked httle Bob. "Perhaps so," said the Major; "indeed, I have reason to believe there n,ay be more pale Africans than would appear on the surface." "Do you mean that they burrow in the ground, Hke the Diggers ? " " Not exactly. But perhaps I can explain my idea best by telling you how J came to form it : "— - In one of my expeditions, my servant and I— ourselves concealed by the foliage of an aloe-saw a fierce battle between two tribes. One of these was light brown, the other apparently quite black. Contrary to the usual order of things, the sable race, though far inferior in numbers, routed their lighter enemies. What most surprised me in the combat was the pluck and r 40 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. endurance of the victors in bearing their wounds. Several of them actually joined in the pursuit with quite a dozen arrows sticking i- their bodies. They did not, in fact, seem the least inconvenienced by the wounds of these missiles, although the chances were that their opponents, like most natives of those regions, used poisoned arrows. The pursuers would even draw the shafts out of their own bodies without flinching, and fire them at the fugitive foes. I soon n-uessed the victorious tribe to be the widely-dreaded «' Porcupines," and I now understood one of the fabulous stories told about them, namely, that spears and arrows grew, ready made, out of their bodies. So interested was I in their strange hardihood, that I lay in hiding till the night, in order to survey the batde-field, and hnd out whether these heroes were made of ordinary flesh and blood. We found only one " Porcupine," and he had been killed by an arrow in the eye. There were three or four other missiles sticking in his body. These my servant pulled out with their points quite dry! On a closer examination of the body, we found it covered with a crust or coat of dirt, varying from one to two inches in thickness, which rendered it ahnost impenetrable to arrows. This, then, was the secret of the " Porcupines " ! It was this that enabled them to defeat superior numbers, and made them THE ''Porcupines: 4« the "boss" tribe ol that portion of the desert. Their braves never washed. No, never; not even on their marriage-days and their yearly feasts, when their neighbours sometimes did. These fellows had the same advantage over their cleaner enemies which the mail-clad crusading knights had over the Saracens. Besides, they had a double stock of ammunition without the trouble of carrying it. for they could use the arrows which struck them, as these seldom reached the skin, and never went an inch beneath it. The malarious dews of the swamps, the burning sands of the desert, driven by the sim- jm, never entered the sealed pores of their skin. But perhaps a still greater benefit of their dirt was that no wild beast, however hungry, could manage to eat one of them. A cruel chief once exposed a captive " Porcupine " to his pet lion, which he had previously starved for three days. But the most the beast did was to crack the skin of its victim. Then it turned away with the expression of a sick child that has taken a dose without jam, and observed in lion-language to its mate, "Much shell, sour kernel." These "Porcupines" are called "Running Quivers" in another native dialect, both names having been given them from their habit of discharging the arrows which stick in their own bodies in a battle. 42 THE MAJOR'S BIG -TALK STORIES. " But what have these nasty ' Porcupines ' to do with the white tribes I asked about ? " said Bob. " Why, I thought I told you that in reality they had skins far whiter tnan their enemies. Doubtless this is due partly to the shelter from the sun afforded by their outer crust, and partly to their general love of shade. It was once the fashion among them, I was told, to sow cotton plants in the alluvial soil of their heads, thereby making up for the lack of shady trees and enabling them to sell all their ostrich feathers." " And now, good night, boys," added the Major, yawning : " it's after bed-time.'' '• He said his servant was with him. Bob," said Bill, rising : " he can tell us more about these ' Porcupines.' " " Oh, it's no use asking Aristides," said the Major ; " I had a different servant then." " But you said the other day that Aristides had been your servant ever since you went to Africa ! " " I ought to have said most of the time ; but the fact is I hate to think of his predecessor." "Why so?" " Because I killed him ! The poor fellow never washed and seldom worked again after he discovered the secret of the ' Porcupines.' He wouldn't wash for fear of being killed by an arrow THE " porcupines:' 43 or a lion ; and he wouldn't work because his scales crot so thick that whipping only amused him. So one day 1 set to chipping off his crust with a hammer and chisel. However. I grew tired by the time I had cleared his right half. anJ I deferred the remaining half to the next day. By the morning he had died of uneven exposure-like the sheep with the two owners who could not agree upon the best time to shear it." " But I thought it was never cold in Africa," observed Bill. " Nor was it cold." said the Major ; " but if you were accustomed to clothes over an inch thick, and had them suddenly taken away, I fancy you'd Jhel cold anywhere." H!^ E ■^B gBJ a ul-gJu^i^^'"'UJ '■ — w" i ^ ».'^"' IX. A .JEFUL KNOT. " Why do you part your hair on the right, uncle ? " asked Bill. "Ah!" said the Major, that is owing to a little accident that happened me in Senegal. I remember feeling like a mouse which has been cut off from its hole and sees a cat approaching stealthily through the grass. It was indeed a great cat, of the leopard species, that I saw creeping through the long, prickly underbrush, as I lay on my back under a dragon-tree, enjoying my mid-day rest. He was some yards away at the other side of the tree, and the moment after I perceived him he had put the trunk between my eyes and him. Suspecting mischief, I rose and stepped instinctively towards the tree. The blanket on which I had lain helped to muffle my footsteps, and fortunately a soft moss covered the earth between the roots. I now bitterly regretted having forgotten my gun in the tent. The fact is that I had strolled out to the dragon-tree with the sole A USEFUL KNOT. 45 object of escaping the noon heat beneath its ample shade, and that, having slept some nights unmolested close by, I had grown careless. There was no earthly mode of climbing the stem on the side next me ; but I had a vague hope that I might find some bush- rope or creeper on the other side, or perhaps some natural notches such as I had sometimes noticed on old trees. I moved halfway round the trunk, which was some twenty feet in girth, without finding any aids of the kind, and, stranger still, without seeing any sign of the enemy. . At last I perceived the tip of his tail moving before me round the tree. He was evidently stalking me. I followed him almost breathlessly. Clearly, as long as I could keep his tail in sight, he could not overtake me from behind. His tail, by the by, was an unusually long one. When he had finished one circuit of the trunk he quickened his pace a little, and I quickened mine. Soon he paused to listen. His tail was now in contact with a high, exposed root of the dracsena. The opportunity was too good to lose. I jumped forward and in a trice had tied his tail to the root by a sailor's knot. But it was tough rope to handle, and no mistake. Before I could get away the leopard had reared round on his hind legs, and placing his fore paws one on each shoulder, had 46 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. pulled me on my knees. For a second his eyes glared intc mine and I felt his unpleasant breath on my cheek. Just then he felt the unwonted drag on his tail, and faced round to attend to the assailant in the rear. It was only for a moment, but that moment put me out of the brute's reach. One of his claws, however, divided my hair, as I was retreating backwards, scratching the scalp in a rather ugly manner. And this is the reason why I never part my hair on the left side as you noticed. The leopard, whose tail had so traitorously helped his enemy, was delivered from his sad predicament by . his consort. Soon after I had reached the tent, his roars were answered from the neighbouring wood, and a few pretty bounds brought his fond leopardess to the rescue. Finding him in durance vile, she howled piteously at first ; but after a while she bit his tail off above the knot, and he slunk away with a shortened and shabby-looking appendage. I regret having to record that a leopardess which had so nobly helped her mate in his sore need should have then meanly deserted him. But the very next day I saw her keeping company with another leopard, who sported a long and elegant tail. This conduct of hers led her husband to remark, in the bitterness of his heart : " Better be out of the world than out of the fashion ! " And he only wished his tail was long enough to hang himself by. In .^'.sdifta^. A USEFUL KNOT. 47 which event he fondly believed his charmer would repent of her fickleness. And there I think he believed right — but whether her repentance would arise from his tragic death or rather from the restoration of his tail, recalling her wayward affections too late, I must leave to the philosophers to decide. X. SEE-SAW IN AN ELEPHANT PIT. Some miles from the company's trading-post was a four-sided cut in the ground. It was thirty feet long by twenty broad. In depth it was over twelve feet, and its sides were perpendicular. It had been an elephant pit when elephants were plentiful and the ivory trade brisk in the district. At the time I speak of it was no longer in use. A couple of planks, covered with withered sods and brambles, were all that remained of the false roof which had served to lure unsuspecting elephants to their downfall. In this cut I was on-.e forced to take refuge by an infuriated keitloa, or black rhinoceros, at which I had rashly fired. I was obliged to throw away my ritle in my race, and had barely time to leap blindly into the pit, whose bottom I luckily reached without any injury beyond a slight shock. Here, seating myself on a pile of broken planks, which in times past had yielded beneath the weight of elephants, I began to reflect. I had enough time : indeed SEESA W IN AN ELEPHANT FIT. 49 I feared I might have a good deal too much time for reflection. A wounded rhinoceros is a stayer, and no mistalce. I GO INTO THE PIT. That I could climb out by piling up rubbish seemed likely b... I didn't want to climb out while the keitloa was on duty there' That he could jump in was certain ; and I fancied I could tease H r 5° THE MAJOR'S BIG- TALK STORIES. him into risking a leap. But I was far from wishing him to do so, unless I could go up and out ai the satue instant; and this seemed simply impossible. At last I hit upon a scheme — a dangerous one, to be sure, but not so dangerous as waiting to be starved to death. I constructed a see-saw. A strong, unbroken plank made my moving-beam ; for a stationary, or supporting-board, I put several broken planks on top of one another and bound them, as best I could, with bits of old rope. This rope had formerly served to bind the false roof, a'^^1 now lay among its ruins at the bottom of the pit. One end of the moving-beam was immediately under that side of the pit where the rhinoceros had taken his stand. Across the beam, from this end to where its centre rested on the fixed support, I tied branches and covered them with withered grass — knowing that a rhinoceros is never remarkable for intelligence and is especially easy to deceive when angry. I then took my scat on the other end of the see-saw, thereby, of course, tipping up the extremity nearest the huge brute, at which I began popping with my revolver. I also, in imitation of the natives, called him various abusive names and reflected insult- ingly upon his ancestry. At last he screamed, or perhaps I should siy grunted, with rage (whether at the bullets or the abuse, I •f'^'W SEE-SA W IN AN ELEPHANT PIT. 51 cannot say) and withdrew a few steps for a charge. Notwithstand- ing a slight sinking sensation, I fired my last cartridge and shouted r ■ THE RHINOCEROS GOES INTO THE PIT. out a name calculated to drive a sensitive keitloa wild. Then I shut my eyes and nervously awaited his descent. If he touched the sea-saw with any part of his ponderous body, s» THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES I should be shot up-where, I could not exactly tell ; if he missed the see-saw, I should stay down, and it would be all up with me. Bang! came his forefoot on the raised end of the beam, cutting short my reflections. Whiz! up went the lower end, ard I with it,, like a rocket. I fortunately alighted outside the pit, having been considerably above its brink at the height of my flight. The rhinoceros was now a captive himself. Indeed, he pos- sibly continues one to this day. for an agent of Barnum's shortly afterwards visited our station in search of new attractions for his menagerie, and I sold my prisoner in the pit for a few hundred dollars, generously refusing three times the amount of cash upon delivery. XI. SAVED BY THE ENEMY. How the buffalo bull that hunted me by the banks of the Treacherous River can have excused his behaviour to his conscience I haven't the ghost of an idea. I had neither teased him, nor shot at him, nor challenged him to a race ; and it certainly was not my fault if any other animal had put him in a bad temper. I had, it is true, just fired at a zebu; but I had not hit it, and, anyhow, th . zebu is only a distant and poor relation of the buffalo. However, I thought it more prudent to run than to protest— especially as the beast charged before I had time to reload. I had rather the best of the running while we were in the small jungle where the chase began; but when he ran me out into the open I had not the shadow of a chance, unless I could manage to reach the river before he did. It was two hundred yards away, and I had hardly forty yards' start. The heat was overpowering in the sun, and once I stumbled over the root of a withered tree, losing several precious seconds -T- 54 7V/E MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. Some fifty yards from the stream I saw that I must be overtaken ; so I stood stock-still until the buffalo was almost touching me and had lowered his head for a toss. Then I took a standing jump to one side, and halted once more. The impetus of his career had carried him half way to the river before he could turn and rush at me again. This time his speed was more moderate, and I barely managed to avoid his horns. But before he could check himself I had got a good start towards the river. He was nearly up to me again when I reached the bank and blindly " took a header." Fortunately there was a deep pool at the spot, and I kept under water half way across, in order to perple.K the bull. When my head emerged from the water I was delighted to see him standing still upon the bank, uncertain what to do. Before his mind was made up I had reached the other shore and clambered up the bank. The buffalo continued looking . at me, now and then digging up clouds of dust with his fore feet. I fondly hoped that I was out of danger. But I had yet to learn how the stream I had just crossed had gained its name of the Treacherous River. When I tried to move on, I could not stir my feet. While I was gazing at the angry but undecided bull, I had not felt them sinking ; and now I was above my ankles in a quicksand ! In my first horror I struggled wildly— which apparently made SAVED BY THE ENEMY. 55 ide me sink faster and certainly tired mc for nothing. Tiien I calmed myself and attempted to think. I could (^\pcct no aid from the savage natives, if any of them should come my way ; and I knew my own comrades had left the waggons on the spoor of a giraffe. in the very opposite direction to mine. Yet I shouted and shouted, till I grew fainter and fainter and the bull more and more excited. After a while, though, my unanswered cries had another effect : they forced me to fix my hopes upon the only creature that was close enough to help me. I saw my way plainly enough now. I would have to call my enemy to the rescue ! The horns of the buffalo should save me from the horns of my dilemma — " when in doubt, a toss up ! " I pulled my red handkerchief out of my pocket — not an instant too soon, for the quicksand was beginning to ingulf my coat-tails. I waved the hated colour up and down. The bull, already furious at my shouting, flounced into the river and swam straight at me. I had now sunk to my waist, and I calculated that before he could reach me, a few more inches of my body would have vanished in the horrid luke-warm mud. He would, then, just have time to put his horns under my arms ; and this, indeed, would be his only way to have a good, satisfactory toss. He ought to be able to take 56 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. true aim, because I could not possibly shrink ; and I was glad to see that the points of his horns were about the width of my arm-pits apart. When he came out of the water, I held my arms a little from my sides, as indeed 1 had to do to prevent my elbows entering the quicksand. This posture of my arms, I thought, would give him every chance to get his horns under them ; while to raise them higher would expose them to almost certain dislocation, even if the beast should kindly prefer tossing to goring me. As he was floundering over the dozen feet of quicksand that separated me from the water's edge, I had my eyes shut, and felt like little Tell when his papa was aiming at the apple on his head. The beast struck me as I hoped, the tips of his horns passing under and out behind my armpits, without even tearing my cL thes. But his horns were not quite so wide apart towards their roots, and they painfully compressed my upper ribs in front. Yel this was probably the saving of me, for, if the whole strain had fallen on my arms alone, it would probably have wrenched them from their sockets. As it was, you may guess that the neck muscles of an angry buffalo could not jerk three quarters of a man's body out of a very tenacious quicksand in a second without nearly splitting him in two. But luckily I came up whole. SAVED BY THE ENEMY. 57 From a buffalo's point of view the toss was far from a success. With all his vast muscular exertion he only just threw me over his shoulders and on to his own back. This effort, added to his greater weight and the comparative smallness of his feet, had of course made him sink much more rapidly than I had done. When I lit on his back, his fore legs were covered and his hind legs nearly so, and in a few moments his body was as steady as a log. It would have been pleasanter for both parties had he been able to pitch me right into the river. As it was, six feet or so of treacherous sand lay between his hind-quarters and the water's edge. I hastily walked along his slowly sinking carcass, balanced myself for a spring, and barely cleared the intervening mud, flopping flat on the surface of the stream in a pose which nearly took my breath away, and would have shocked any professor of calisthenics. As I came in sight of the waggons I saw my two companions returning from their hunting. To my horror they instantly covered me with their rifles, with the eagerness of naturalists about to bag a new specimen. You see I ha a lost my hat and gun, and was wetter and dirtier and a good deal taller than my old self. " Taller, uncle ? " cried little Bob. opening his eyes unusually wide. " How was that ? " " Why ; owing to the way my ribs and joints were stretched in that tug between the buffalo and the quicksand, o*" course. No I 58 THE MAJOR'S BJG-TALK STORIES. A wonder the feilows couldn't guess who or what I was. I had to reason with them several mhiutes, and to ask after their brothers and sisters, before 1 could convince them that I was not some sort of a gorilla or cannibal who had got inside my clothes and outside myself." iL*ik_ XII. THE MAJOR AS A POKT. " It was lucky for you that none of the animals which treed you was a grizzly bear, uncle," said little Bob. " Why so, Bob ? " " Because it would have climbed after you." "Grizzly bears can't climb," said the Major. I was treed by one when I was a boy. I did not feel very cheerful at first, I can tell you, for I knew the obstinacy and perseveranrg of the beast. But when I saw my big brothers coming to look for me with a number of young men, I regained my spirits. In my joy I placed my right thumb upon my nose and burst into poetry. Like the youthful Pope, " I lisped in numbers, for the numbers came." This was my triumphal hymn : ODE TO A TANTALIZED GRIZZLY. BY A BOY IN A TREE. t If you were here. Or I were there. You pretty dear, : I'd he nowhere I 6o THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STuRIES. You long, like sin, To take a hug And put me in Your ugly mug. But as you are A grizzly bruin, Not a black b'ar Or a baboon, You never can Get on this branch ; Therefore, old man, Vamoose the ranch. Trust me and trot, Ursus ferox, If you are not Fond of hard knocks. You cannot fly Or climb a tree ; And so bye-bye — You won't catch me. At this point my poem was cut short by a volley from my brothers. The bear seemed to hesitate between fight and flight, and I thought a good, sound lecture upon his own shortcomings i \ight decide him to retreat. This sort of discourse is nearly as improving and pleasing to bears as to human beings. t, rs IS THE MAJOR'S ADDRESS TO THE BEAR. 6i "Go home," I said, "you rampageous, plantigrade quadruped! A bear that, in this nineteenth century, cannot learn to climb a tree or dance to the barrel-organ, or carry a monkey, or eat any- thing but iiasty raw meat, is a disgrace to its family, its sub-order and its class. You great, awkward, indocile vertebrate, you! You blot upon the animal kingdom ! You cruel, irreclaimable, carnivorous thing ! You very disagreeable mammal, not to be affected by the music of my verse ! Be wise and go home, ttrsus horribilis, before it is too late : there are larger and heavier words remaining where these have come from." There was not much fight left in him after this. When I brandished my "Pocket Zoology," as if to hurl ten thousand awful names at once, he staggered away from the terrific missile. XIII. THE MAJOR ON "THE GIRAFEE." " Have you seen my new book, uncle ? " said little Bob one evening. " I've won the prize in composition." " Bravo ! " said the Major, lookini^ at the book ; " that's more than your uncle ever did." " Did you ever try ? " asked Bob. " Once," said the Major, going over and taking an old paper out of his desk. " Here is the very essay. It was my earliest effort," added he, gazing fondly at it. " Let us see it," cried Bill, laying hands upon the production, and beginning to read : THE GIRAFFE. No wonder the toper in the play sighed for a giraffe's neck, or that Mr. Smith, when he saw the animal in the Park, should have exclaimed, " Imagine two yards of sore throat!" The pains and pleasures of the camelopard are, indeed, intense beyond the ordinary lot. When he reaches a spring after THE MAJOR ON ''THE GIRAFFEr 63 » I a weary pilgrimage in the desert, he enjoys himself hugely. The water gurgles refreshingly down six feet of neck hose, making a miniature cataract. He has been seen to smile a minute or two after swallowing a peculiarly nice plantain, like a Scotchman laughing at a joke five minutes after its utterance. The pleasant morsel seems to grow sweeter as it goes down, and when it comes to the last few feet of windpipe, the animal's keen enjo>ment overcomes his sense of decorum at meals, and he breaks into a chuckle. On the other hand, when a disappointed giraffe gulps down his bitterness at the triumph of a favoured rival, the convulsive spasm ripples painfully down till it reaches the uttermost end of his throat. The death-rattle in the throat of a departing camelopard is like a whole orchestra out of tune. The song of the giraffe once heard is never forgotten. It probably suggested to the poet the exquisite idea of "linked sweet- ness long drawn out." To see an unrepining giraffe swallowing bitter almonds which he has mistaken for sweet ones, and attempting to cover his distress, is a spectacle of patience and long-suffering, piteous as it is sublime. In running matches a giraffe can always beat a horse of exactly equal speed. At the winning-post he has merely to stretch out his ^4 THE MAJOR'S BIG- TALK STORIES. head a few yards and win by a neck. A lion can get better time out of a giraffe than the most skilful jockey. The lazy and voluptuous monarch of the Nevva-washees, who does not conceal his dislike for uncooked Baptist missionaries, fords the swollen Niger in a palankeen suspended from the horns of two domestic camelopards, and thus preserves his sacred person from contact with the water. It has not yet been settled by naturalists whether a giraffe, getting out of his depth, would swim with his neck as an eel, or with his legs like another quadruped. No giraffe has ever been seen out of his depth since the Flood. It is not expensive to keep a tame camelopard. If you fence in a narrow walk for him around the boundaries of your property, he will graze upon the neighbours' trees and flowers. On a nutting expedition a well-educated giraffe is more useful than a crook. They have not yet been utilized as fire-escapes in this country. A camelopard never bows to acquaintances. He thinks it would be lowering himself too much. A reader of character, judging from the expression of his neck, would suppose that he was also of a far-reaching disposition. But he is really an amiable beast, and lets infants call him " Neck-neck " without resenting the familiarity. It is well this is so, for a stiff-necked and unbend- ing giraffe would be a sad affliction to any menagerie. He would necessitate new doors in every tent or building where he was <^ . TJIE MAJOR ON " THE GIRAFFE." 65 exhibited. The innocent character of this animal has needlessly puzzled zoologisto. His good morals are plainly owing to the fact that the rest of his body is more under control of the head than is the case with any other quadruped. Indeed, he is the only four- footed beast whose head has proper facilities for biting every rebellious member, and whose legislative department is backed by suitable executive power. * * * # # "Why didn't they give you the prize, uncle.?" asked little Bob, when the reading was over. " The virtuous examiner," answered the Major, " thought the essay too fanciful, and so, on moral grounds, he gave the pre- « mium to another boy, who had 'cribbed' his truthful essay from Buffon." X ' f XIV. THE CATAPULT SNAKE. •' Sc you believe there were no such things as flying serpents in ancient times, Major ? " If the ancients were right, my boy, then flying must be numbered among the lost arts of snakes. There is a kind, though, that can as good as fly, and this may have deceived some respectable old pagans. J It was owing to my unlucky balloon that I got the chance of seeing this shy and retiring reptile I was sailing over a grove, watching the antics of a parrot perched on the very top of a tall palm, when suddenly something like a bent arrow, or rocket, shot out of a lower tree, struck the bird, and sank down with it through the leaves of the palm. Unlike an arrow in one respect, the strange missile coiled and curved in its passage through the air. Perhaps I should have likened it to a sling, dragged from the hand of an unskilful slinger by the force of the slung stone, and following the latter in its flight. ( • . THE CATAPULT SNAKE. 67 Anxious to read the riddle, I descended and anchored my balloon. Here, perhaps, I thought, was some new weapon, marvellous as the Australian boomeranfj, to grace my collection of savage arms. However, I saw no lurking savage, and no strange new missile, from the top of the tree on which I alighted ; but I saw a family party of snakes on the ground beneath. Two young ones were evidendy being drilled by their parents in the mode of warfare peculiar to their race. Placing the dead parrot aside, as the prize of valour or skill, the parent snakes formed a ring with their bodies. On entering this arena, each young one — by a strange contortion — formed a knot upon its gristly tail, and attacked the other with this artificial weapon. They would advance to the attack spinning like wheels, and, once within striking distance, down would come their knots with a surprisingly quick jerk. They could convert a circle into a straight line and a straight line into a circle, more rapidly than any professor of geometry I ever met ; yet, though they hit each other several times, they seemed to do little damage, for these youngsters, of course, could not be expected to tie such hard and tight knots as their elders. A combat between two hardened old catapults — as I named these reptiles — would be a very serious matter, I should judge. This spirited tournament came to a suddsn close. As I was ' 68 THE MAJOR'S JUG-TALK STORIES. '\ straining forward to get a better view, a branch cracked beneath my foot, and the sound caught the heedful ear of tlie mother snake. In a second the wary reptile called " time," and Issued a warning hiss ; at which her well-trained offspring hastily retreated, jumping down her throat for protection. THE CATAPULT SNAKE STRUCK ME SHARl'LY ON THE SHOULDtR. The catapult is a great inventor — an Edison among snakes; yet it cannot justly claim a patent for this mode of sheltering its young in time of danger. Vipers and rattlesnakes are said to have practiced the same trick for a great many years. i I THE CATAPULT SNAKE. 69 The colour of the catapi;'*: is green ; but it is not half as green as it looks. This I found out to my cost ; for, although the mother had vanished beneath the long grass, the male began to make mysterious preparations for war. He began operations by knotting his tail with an audible crack. He twisted its knotted end firmly around a projecting root of the tree on which I was perched. Then he reared his head toward a branch which lay directly between his tail and me This branch, though seemingly too high, he reached with ease by simply shooting out an extra joint— for the catapult is the only serpent that is built upon the telescopic plan. Having grasped the branch in his jaws, he began shortening himself with wonderful contractile power, until his body, stretched between the root and the branch, looked like the string of a bent bow, or of a catapult at full cock. I now thought it high time to set about unmooring my balloon, as I did not exactly know what to expect next. But, before I had untied the first rope, the snake unwound his tail from the root of the tree, let go his hold of the branch, shot himself into the air, and struck me sharply, with his knot, on the left shoulder. The shock of the contact with my shoulder changed tiie snake's course in the air. He fell to the ground some little dis- tance away. He was quite unhurt, and hastened to prepare for a i 70 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TAl.K STORIES. second assault. However, I happened to be in as irreat a hurry as he was, and just when he had taken position for another (light, I let go my anchor-rope, and up went the balloon. I had discovered what missile it was that killed the parrot, but I paid dearly for the knowledge. My shoulder ached for week;-, afterward. XV. CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS. •' Stop pinching me, yoa young scoundrel ! ' " Why are you so thin there, uncle ? ' asked little l^ob " Oh, that's where they carved me, ' replied the Major. " Who ? " cried both the boys. " The cannibals. " What did they carve you for ? " " For supper,'' answered the Major. " But I didn't think they 'd cat you raw, observed Bob. " Nor did they : they cooked me, or rather my chop, with the greatest care. This is the way it was : " — I was going inland to secure a fine lot of feathers, and a young missionary had availed himself of my escort to return to his post in the interior On the second night of our journey we were surprised by u wandering band of cannibals. Their chief, the redoubted N'go, felt us and numbered us, in order of merit, for his table. The missionary, fat, and young, and tender, and innocent 72 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. was number one. I was number four, being classed after the negro waggoners. I accepted my ignoniinious position without a murmur. Unhappy Abednego Q. Smith ! He had come to open the ears and the hearts of the natives, and he only opened their mouths. He had come to cure their souls, and they cured his body — for their chief had part of him pickled for his future use. They did not read mark, and learn him ; but they did inwardly digest him. The cannibals held high jinks for three days, and I was forced to see my companions, one after the other, suffering horribly ; for N'go was a luxurious liver and had adopted the Abyssinian recipe, described in Bruce's Travels, for increasing the tenderness of meat. He always insisted on having his chops or steaks cut from a living animal. The fourth morning dawned, but my doom was deferred for three days more. •' Why so .? " asked Bob. The victim who preceded me had poisoned himself iust l^efore he was carved. He disagreed with the whole tribe and took away their appetites for a day. Next morning they came upon my keg of whisky and wer^ dead drunk all the fifth day and night. Thanks to my alman-^c, I played the old eclipse dodge on the sixth day, and, my prophecy proving true, they were afraid to lay hands on m.e for some hours after. CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS. But on the seventh day N'go's appetite overcame every scruple. Before noon I was soundly whipped by his head cook that my nervous spasms might make my flesh tender. Then he skilfully cut off a chop for his master's supper. N'go liked it, and graciously expressed his intention of breakfasting off me next morning. 1 was accordingly to be kept alive another night. " But didn't you bleed awfully, uncle ? " asked Bob. " Not a bit in the world," answered the Major ; " the savages had an herb which was an excellent styptic, and very soothing into the bargain. But all they cared for was that it kept the meat nice and fresh. I know I was surprised at feeling so little pain or in- convenience, — in fact, I recollect noticing how savory my chop smelt when it was beincr broiled. Nevertheless, when night had fallen I wished it was all over, and envied the Rev. Abodnego's fat and fate. "If one must be done, 'twere well one were done quickly," as Shakspearc remarked to the King of the Cannibal Islands. This dying by half-pounds, I mused, could only happen under a bloated monarchy. Were these cannibals freemen they would make a barbecue of me ! My regrets were ended by an appalling scream. It was the war-cry of the Xus, a hostile tribe, who bur.-,t, like famished wolves, upon their sleeping foes. To say that my captors were trussed and ready for dressing in a very few minutes would be cjuite L 74 rJlR MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. unnecessary if you knew anything of the leader of the Xus, who was surnamed Gorilla, from his ferocity and strength. He was very nearly as dreadful a being as the monarch whom the poet describes : — " King Uoria Bungalee l!oo Was a man-eating African swell ; His breath was a hullabaloo, His whisper a terrible yell." Gorilla ordered me to be untied, for he generously imbinds his enemies' captives, at all events when their choicest cuts have been already used. In return I directed his attention to the whisky ; and while he was in the genial stage of drunkenness he commanded six of his followers to escort my waggon home. The suffering N'go groaned as he saw me going away uneaten : " It is truth the poet sings. That a sorrow's crown of sorrow is RUKniLering happier things." XVI. TIIK ASIIUS. " Did you ever meet any other cannibals ? " asked Bill. " I used to do a good deal of business with the Ashus, a small tribe who occupied the second oasis from our trading-port," answered the Major. " Hut weren't you afraid to deal with them, uncle ? " asked little Bob. Not at all : to eat me would have been like killing the goose with the golden eggs. Why ; with the beads and shells I paid them every year for feathers they could buy a dozen blacks, younger and plumper than I. Besides, these Ashus had once been partially christianised. Indeed, there were still some remains of Christianity among them. I was shown a missionary's skull in their chief's tent, and they say a grace for what they are about to receive — with extra fervour when they are sitting down to good fat boy. They don't call them- selves men-eaters, but " Lovers of Mankind," and they feel quite virtuous when indulging in their favourite food. " Are not men THE MAJOR'S BIG TALK STORIES. better than reptiles?" asked one of them, when somebody com- mented on their national diet. Not one of them would taste an oyster, or turtle, or frog ; and they would rather grill their grand- mothers than chew tobacco — perhaps for the same scriptural reason that made the Russians before Peter the Great condemn smoking, so Voltaire tells us, " because not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which goeth out of the mouth." The Ashus are bound to take care of their young children, but commonly leave them to shift for themselves at twelve. In the struggle for existence that ensues the fittest (not the fattest) survive. But they never cook relations — when provisions are plentiful. My own host unselfishly resigned his three plumpest sisters to their admirers, though he considered all three of them likely to be young ladies of very good taste — if nicely cooked. The only mark of his emotion, as he performed these acts of self-sacrifice, was a slight swallowing in the throat. During a famine this pious Ashu ate his favourite wife, that she might not be contaminated by the teeth of strangers. " I never knew how much I loved her before ! " he sobbed, bending disconsolately over her last bone. " How charming she looked when she was dressed for dinner ! She was too sweet to live long," So you see even cannibals may have their feelings. XVII. CHASED BY A IIOOP-SNAKU. In the Yelgrec forest, near our trading-post, there was a big snake that had adopted rapid transit. I saw him when he first learned it. He was chasing a small hoop-snake, when the little one i)ut his tail in his mouth, after the manner of his kind, and rolled clean out of sight. Well, what did his big snakeship do but put his own tail into his mouth and begin practising! After a few turns he grew accustomed to the thing, and in half an hour could beat the best bicycle time on record. A few days after this I shot a deer, and was carrying its horns home. As I was passing a few hundred yards from the Yelgree forest, I saw what seemed to be a loose wh(;el coming out of the wood. It was the biggest wheel I ever saw. I felt almost as if the polar circle had got loose from its fixings, and was making for me. "Hoop la!" I cried, and then I shut up, for I saw it was the big revolving python. I 78 THE MAJOR'S niG-TAI.K STORIES. I 'Tvvas no use shooting at his head, for he was revolving at the rate of sixty miles an hour ; and no use trying to escape unless I could hire an express engine on the spot. So I just lay down to make it harder for the reptile to swallow me. When the snake came up and noticed the deer's horns, he shivered, just as a Christian would if he saw a horned man! As PARALYSING A PYTHON. 1 lay, they must have seemed to be growing out of my head, and the python may have mistaken me for the Old Serpent himself. Whatever his idea may have been, he had not ceased shivering before he made tracks for the forest and let me go in peace. On my way home I reflected that horned animals are bad for the health of serpents, which swallow their prey whole, and that, CHASED BY A HOOP-SNAKE. 79 time and again, imprudent pythons and boas have been found dead with deer all swallowed but the antlers. " A snake," I said to myself, " that is smart enough to take a hint in the way of locomotion is smart enough to take a hint in the way of feeding." Anyhow, his prudence or his fears lost him a good meal, for I was fat then. A little learning is a dangerous thing for snakes. XVIII. A FIRE-BALLOON. "You promised to show us how to make a fire-balloon before my birthday," Bill reminded his uncle one day. "So I will, my boy," said the Major; "and I only hope you may find the knowledge as useful as I did once." " How could it have been useful ?' " It only saved a thousand human beings from destruction— that was all." "Tell us the story, uncle," begged little Bob. "Well," began the I^Iajor, I had just bought up all the feathers that the Kabyles had for sale, and was waiting till their ostrich hunters should return to camp with a new lot These Kabyles are a tribe of the Tuarick nation which is scattered over the whole southern desert; and I liked doing business with them, for I always found them friendly and fair. On the present trip I had given them fireworks for their goods, for these savages were getting tired of beads and humming A F/ RE BALLOON. Si tops and glass marbles. The new mccHum of exchange had proved attractive and successful. I had secured several thousand dollars' worth of feathers for one box of fire-crackers, two catherine- wheels, ten rockets, and thirteen Roman candles -not including a few specimens of each kind which I had let off to show what they were like. I had some ready-made fireworks still left, besides materials for making several fire-balloons. I was sitting on the ground, eating my supper with Chummi, the chief of the tribe, when we saw a cloud of dust to the south- ward. At first we fancied it was a whirlwind, but presently we could see men moving beneath it, and soon shields and assegais glittered in the rays of the setting sun. Half an hour later the darkness would have been complete, and we should have been taken by surpns(;. As it was, Chummi had just time to call his warriors to arms and to man the steep bank of the Wady Waa, which lay between us and the approaching forces. Chummi was afraid they were certain cannibals from the south who had .sent out a foraging expedition which was known to be not very far away. If Chummi's surmise was correct, the outlook was a gloomy one, for the best men of the Kabyles were away hunting. However, the new comers might not venture to ford the Wady, which luckily was full of water, in the night; and our hunters might be back before the morning. M IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I 1.25 120 u 1.8 i-4 IIIIII.6 V] <^ ^a w ^A °> } '/ /A •vv 82 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. When the advancing host had come to the other side of the Wady, there was just enough Hght remaining to see that it more than doubled ours in number and to recognise, in its front ranks, the Kabyle hunters bound together with thongs. A cry of horror burst from the Kabyles at this sight, which confirmed their worst fears. The cry seemed to embolden the cannibals, who had halted and seemed doubtful about crossing in the rapidly increasing darkness. Some of them now dashed forwards ; but the first two men who entered the water fell before my rifle, and the others fled back from this unexpected weapon. They soon showed signs of leaving us in peace for that night, for they began to light fires and prepare for their horrible supper. I resolved to rescue their victims, if possible. To this end I bade Chummi to notify his warriors to expect something strange and on no account to run away. I also told him to have a dozen men in readiness to discharge the rockets at a moment's notice. Then I went to my waggon, unpacked my fire- balloon materials, put Chummi's pet kitten in my pocket, and withdrew with my servant to the windward of the enemy. I will give you a rough idea of how ! made my fire-balloon — another time I will sJiow you, which is better. I pasted together long strips of tissue-paper, of between an oblong and an oval shape. These were joined and made air-tight at the top, but pasted round A FIRE-BALLOON. S3 a strong circular wire at the bottom. This circular wire had a cross wire, piercing a sponge soaked in spirits of wine, which I set fire to. The burning spirit heats and expands the air inside the paper frame until it becomes lighter than the surrounding atmosphere, into which the balloon then rises and floats away till the flame expires. Of course you must take great care that the paper does not catch fire before it swells out into its proper shape. On that occasion I made my servant sit on the branch of a tree to hold the top of the balloon while I lit the spirits of wine. It was a dry and calm evening; so the paste soon dried, and there was no hitch of any kind. When the balloon was inflated and straining in its efforts to rise, I tied the kitten by a string to the cross wire so as to make a sort of tail to the balloon. I considered this seeming cruelty justified by its merciful object. At first the balloon would not carry the extra weight ; but it was a ten-footer, and in a few moments, when the air inside grew hotter, it rose. Away it sailed majestically into the darkness — a ball of red, and blue, and white flame, for the strips of paper were of different colours. As I had started it to the windward of the enemy, of course it floated towards them, the kitten all the while piercing the air with its me wings. The fires of the cannibals were blazing now. They had cut the thongs of the fattest captives and were just handing them over to 84 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. the cooks, when a flight of rockets hissed through the air from the Kabyle side of the Wady, and burst into balls and serpents of flame over their astonished heads. At first the savages uttered screams of terror. But their cries died away in their throats, as they beheld an unearthly visitor cleaving its way more slowly through the heavens and coming directly toward them. It was a thing of marvellous beauty, made of many-coloured flame, and it floated evenly and gracefully on. Nevertheless it was evidently a malign spirit, for its voice was harsh, and shrill, and curdling to the blood. As it came nearer and nearer, and as its screeches grew louder and louder, the cannibals prostrated themselves before it in silent adoration. The power of motion had apparently left them. My object, which was to make them fly, thus seemed likely to fail from the very excess of their terror. I therefore walked across the stream and exploded two boxes of fire-crackers among them. This roused them from their stupor, and, the balloon having already passed over their heads, they mastered up courage enough to flee, uttering yells of alarm and not even thinking of their captives. They never afterwards molested the Kabyle tribe, which had so evidently formed an alliance with evil genii. XIX. A PAIR OF BRIGHT KVKS. " Did a wild beast ever come into your house ? " asked little Bob, one evening. " Once," replied the Major. There was a door opening from my bed-room into the garden, which was a foot below it. I generally took precious good care to fasten this door, but on that occasion I suppose I must have forgotten it. In the night I awoke with an uneasy sense of something being wrong. I could barely see that the door into the garden was ajar, for the . night was dark, and several cotton-trees spread their branches outside. But I distinctly saw two lurid balls of fire in the direction of the aforesaid door. I knew they must be. the eyes of some animal of the feline tribe— -a small animal, I reasoned, if it was standing on the floor ; a large one if it was standing in the garden. The eyes seemed large and far apart, but possibly that was partly owing to my fright. My doubts were soon solved, for the fiery eyes suddenly rose 86 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. a foot or so higher, and at the same time a soft pat on the floor just reached my ear. The beast had placed its fore paws on the floor, its hind paws still resting in the garden. Beyond a doubt it was a lion ; and its stealthy mode of approach looked as if it meant business. Between my bed and the garden door was a table on which lay some matches and my firearms. They were within my reach and loaded. The barrel of my rifle nearly pointed at the door, and therefore at the intruder. But a false aim meant instant death to me, and how could I aim truly .? I could not see the barrel, much less the sights of my rifle. To light a match would show me to the beast and make it spring at once. Nevertheless I felt for a match mechanically, and found one. Fortunately I grasped it by the head, as I knew by seeing a faint glow on my finger. That gleam of phosphorus was a gleam of hope to me! I clutched my rifle noiselessly and felt along the barrel for the sights. I rubbed them gently with the match-head, just enough to make two flickering points of light. These must have been invisible to the lion at first, for I took care to keep the barrel slightly raised. Pat ! pat ! Up came the beast's hind legs on the floor, with a sharper sound, as u his claws were just coming out of their A PAIR OF BRIGHT EYES. 87 pin-cushions. Down went his eyes, burning brighter than before. He was evidently crouching for a spring. But my rifle had been lowered a second earlier, until the points of flickering phosphorus had come into line and rested between the lion's glaring eyes. The illuminated sights of my trusty weapon went down with him as he crouched. Then I cocked the rifle, which I thought it wise to do the last thing. The click, click! of the trigger broke the silence; for I cocked and fired almost simultaneously. The sharp report of the rifle was accompanied by another sound, which I had not calculated upon— the peculiar roar of a lion when he springs upon his prey. No wonder the Hebrews had different words to express the angry, the hungry, and the frightened roaring of this animal ; and it is this variety in his tones that has made travellers as trustworthy as myself give such opposite descriptions of his roar. In a second I was dashed back on my bed ; the beast lay upon me, and I could hear his fearful fore-claws tearing through 'the mattress. But my terror was soon over, for the bullet had entered his brain, and his dying spasms ceased in a few seconds. The muscular exertion of his spring had probably been made before I fired. My servant, who was awakened by the noise, pulled my body from where it lay — between the lion's hind and fore paws. One r,rt THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. of the latter had grazed my left cheek, making the furrow which you see there. " But I thought that was a wrinkle," remarked Bill ; " and you have one like it on the right cheek." "Ah, so I have," said the Major. "I was a vain young dog in those days, and had the other cheek cut to match. Some men would have a second story ready to account for the second cheek, but I always stick to facts.' 'And stick at nothing!" whispered the irrepressible Bill. XX. TREASURE-TROVE. It is commonly, but wrongly, supposed that no African tribes practice husbandry. The little land of Boo, ruled by the amiable monarch Boo-bee, is so fertile and well-watered that it supplies all the wants of its inhabitants. They never roam the desert, like other tribes, but stay at home and support themselves by honest toil — by climbing trees and gathering dates and tamarinds. . • No, Bill, I cannot " tell you the latitude and longitude of Boo," because I never learned how to calculate those things. This educational want has actually exposed my discoveries to some suspicion. Let my sufferings, boys, be a warning to you. In this favoured land bloomed the Princess Nulla, the pride of Boo-bee and the pearl of Boo. • - This king's daughter was glorious to behold. The royal diamond, a magnificent gem, hung from her neck on a lovely necklace of red twine. Her teeth were white and exquisitely N 90 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. filed, and her nails were pared in artistic imitation of the Egyptian pyramids. She was fairer and fatter, and had more beads and lovers than any maiden in the tribe. Bi:t her beauty was softened by that nameless expression of sadness which has so often been noticed in the faces of persons doomed to extraordinary sufferings. It was an evil hour when Wagga, surnamed the Antelope, thought of wooing the Pearl of Boo. He resembled an antelope in fleetness of foot rather than in gentleness of disposition, and was the son of a chief who had been executed for high treason. On that occasion Wagga had won the favour of the simple Boo-bee by informing against his own father; and hence it was with her parent's consent that the young man paid his addresses to Nulla. There were those who suspected that Wagga loved her diamond more than herself, for he had been to Sierra Leone, and had learned that Christi 9* THE MAJOR'S BIG TALK STORIES. " TO WHOM IT MA Y CONCERN I "fVj/£j{£As, ii is desirable further to encourage the destruction of noxious animals within our domains^ Be it therefore decreed, that now, and henceforth, such animals, with all their appurtenances, fixtures, and contents, belong, without reserve, unto their slayers. "■Boo-£££, King, Commander, Priest, and Judge. ''His X mark." This proclamation had been written by the chief soothsayer in hieroglyphics, and duly filed among the official papyrus leaves. Arrived at Gu, Wagga had some trouble in tempting the serpent from its native pool. It was not torpid, but it had a memory and was sensitive to sells. However, after bearing stones and taunts with resignation for an hour, it yielded to rage and hunger, and, with a hiss that sounded like a waterspout bursting on the sea, it gave chase. At first the audacious Wagga had to strain every muscle to keep a-head of it ; but after a mile's race its speed slackened, and soon Wagga, who was particularly anxious to lure it further, had to offer it extra inducements to go on. For some miles he let it keep unpleasantly close to him. Once it came even within snapping distance of him, and he only saved himself by bounding like a gazelle. • He fled in the direction of the Maiden's Well. This was a deep pond of limpid water, where Nulla, accompanied by her nurse, used to disport herself each sunny day before her noon TREASURE-TROVE. 93 siesta. It was nearly six miles from the python's lair, and Wagga guessed that the water-snake, after rolling and wriggling so far across the hot sand, would stay and rest there till the cool of the evening. It wanted three hours of noon when wicked Wagga reached this well, and putting on a fine spurt, made it clear that he had only been trifling with his pursuer all the way. The baffled serpent plunged into its favourite element and was glad to hide its shame and vexation at the bottom of the deepest hole. Then the crafty Wagga went back to tlie capital and paid a visit to the PCing. The hospitable Boo-bee sent two of his wives to gather dates to set before his guest, for, I need hardly observe, dignity forbids the monarch of Boo from climbing a tree himself. While eating her father's fruit, Wagga s.duted the unsuspecting Princess Nulla, as she tripped forth to her bath. She was smiling, and so, I am shocked to relate, was Wagga! He had been chatting gaily with Boo-bee for over three hours when the latter observed that Nulla was absent longer f^ian usual. But the king did not seem very uneasy for another hour. Then, when neither Nulla nor her trusty attendant had appeared, the anxiety of the father overcame the pride of the sovereign, and Boo-bee actually climbed a tree, to see for himself if the ladies were coming. f I. 94 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. Not a human being was visible in the direction of their bathing-place. Thoroughly alarmed, the king started with ten spearmen to seek his daughter. Wagga went with them, bearing a broad-bladed axe. It would be useful for cutting fuel, he said, if they had to camp out. As they neared the pond, his superior speed carried him a-head of the party. The confidiag Boo-bee was filled with gratitude at his zeal. An immense snake lay, gorged and torpid, at the side of the Maiden's Well. Its head was on the bank, but its long body grew dim and dimmer to the sight in the deepening water. A blow of Wagga's axe severed the head of the sleeping monster, and the spearmen dragged its writhing carcass from the pond. A groan burst from the unhappy father, as he pointed to a swelling on the reptile just about the length of his daughter. The nature of the tragedy was indeed clear. The python hzs^. swallowed the girl while she was swimming, and had then attacked her nurse, as the latter was scaling the rocks where her body lay. Whether from want of appetite or want of room, the snake had made no attempt to swallow the old woman, who had probably died of fright. As the younger men opened the serpent, Boo-bee sat on the rocks, nursing his sorrow with tropical intensity. He wrung his hands ; he beat his breast ; he tore his hair (to a more TREASURE- TRO VE. 95 moderate extent) ; he cursed the day he was born ; he lamented over and over again that he had not died instead of his well-beloved. When the fair Nulla's inanimate form had been extricated from its dreadful tomb, a spearman, a kinsman of the princess, suggested that some relative ought to take charge of her diamond and other ornaments. " Pardon me," said Wagga, striding in front of him, and rudely tearing the diamond from Nulla's neck, "this is mine by the law! / killed the snake, and the trinkets are treasure-trove!'' "Take it from him!" shouted the King's kinsman. The spearman seized liim with a will, being disgusted at such an exhibition of avarice at such a time. " I appeal to the King!" roared Wagga. " The laws of Boo," sobbed the sovereign, answering the appeal, and just even in his indignation ; " alter not at the pleasure of any man. Take the baubles, ungenerous youth ! oc, and leave me to my dead." " Excuse me, O just King," said wicked Wagga ; •' you don't quite see the extent of my humble claim. This young lady's body, too. is part of the 'appurtenances and contents' of my snake, and therefore belongs to me by your own righteous decree. If any- body wants to buy her I'm willing to trade." 96 rHE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. And the heartless Wagga, deh'ghted at his own sharpness, actually chuckled in a ghastly sort of way. " She wouldn't give me her hand," he exclaimed, " and now her whole body is mine ! " " Never ! " murmured the Pearl of Boo, slowly opening her eyes. And at intervals she gasped out the same word three or four times over, as if her mind was quite made up upon the subject. She had not been dead. The serpent was so huge that it had swallowed her without breaking a single bone, and had not bitten her at all. The legal murderer started back from the ghost of b's victim, as he thought. His hair rose, his jaw fell, the diamond dropped from his grasp, and he fell dead. But the enraptured Boc-bee did not see this sudden retribution. He was running to his daughter's side. " My only child ! " he cried, extending his arms. " My only father ! " she murmured, extending hers. " My pearl, my pride, my treasure-trove ! " ejaculated the fond parent, hugging his daughter— once — before she was washed. For some days afterwards the good old king quite forgot his dignity, and would frolic and pelt his courtiers with cocoa-nuts, as in the mischievous days of his boyhood. . . i J i TREASURE-TROVE. ^^ The escape of the Princess Nulla was more than a nine davs wonder in Boo. Her admirers maintained that the python had swallowed her without squ-zing her to a pulp merely because she was tender enough as she was. Others thought it had gulped her right down in its hurry to get at the old nurse, of whose good taste it must have formed too flattering an estimate, as they inferred from its leaving her uneaten after catching her. A serpent charmer insisted that the snake, with the cunning and revengeful ness of its species, had seen through Wagga's little game, and had swallowed Nulla with unusual gentleness and care on purpose to disappoint its enemy and insulter. "Them critters," remarked the charmer, who spoke a charm- ing patois, " is bound to take you in one way if they can't take you in t'other way. ' . f XXI. AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. It once struck me that ballooning would be the pleasantest way of travelling in my business, lifting me above the sands, beasts, and barbarians of the desert. So I had a big balloct; constructed with a patent rudder, guaranteed to steer against any ordinary wind. One day, when the breeze blew from the sea, I embarked, thinking my return voyage would be plain sailing, owing to the patent rudder and to the figuring of a man of science, who proved quite clearly that an upper current of air set steadily from the desert to the ocean. But either the upper current of air or the patei L rudder went all wrong, and I was landed near Morocco, from which city I made my way back by sea, with the loss of four months' time, my whole cargo of feathers, and every shilling I had taken with me. For the future I confined my ballooning to short voyages On one of these occasions my supply of water had nearly run out, when, noticing a stream, as I thought, I descended and made f AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. 99 fast the balloon. What I fancied was a brook, turned out, however, to be a wady — that is, one of the dried-up water-courses of the Sahara. As I turned back empty-handed, I saw a prettily- spotted animal, which proved to be a baby-leopard, playing like a kitten in the wady. I caught the creature and hoisted it into the car by a rope. Then, as no living thing was in sight, I was leisurely preparing to launch my air-ship once more. Two of the three ropes which secured it to the earth were already cut, and I was turning to cut the third, when I was horrified at seeing the mother-leopard creeping towards me, noiselessly but swiftly, and with a revengeful gleam in her eyes. She was then nearly forty feet away, and I had enough presence of 'nd left to lose no time m cutting the last rope. The liberated balloon rose majestically in the air — about a second too late. While I was severing the rope the leopardess had reduced her distance, and when I had finished she was poised for a spring. Up she bounded, the embodiment of cruelty and grace, her paws outstretched, her tail stiff, her jaws distended, her eyes flashing. Her fore claws only just reached the bottom of the rising car ; but they grasped it like grim death, and she soon clambered into the car, nearly capsizing it in the process. Then she stood a moment over her sprawling cub and gave a roar, whether a roar of greeting to the cub or of menace to me I did not even try to guess. Just at that time I was going up the ropes which secured the car to the balloon, in a way that would have won the prize at any gymnastic exhibition. In a few seconds I was clinging to the netting of the balloon and glancing uneasily down at " the bearded pard." When I had taken in a junior " pard " I had no idea he would so soon be followed by a senior " pard," whose restless activity threatened, in low but expressive parlance, to "bust the whole concern" and lead to the sudden dissolution of the firm and all its members. A glance showed me there was no immediate danger from the leopard. She was now quite as alarmed as I was. Her first move- ment when she perceived the earth receding beneath her was to grasp her cub in her teeth and hasten to the edge o^ the car, as if about to spring to the ground. But the height was too great and, abandoning .ler intention, she dropped the cub and whined in abject terror. I had now time to reflect. Even if I wished to make the balloon descend, in the hope that the frightened leopard might leap to the ground at the first opportunity, I had not the means of doing so from where I was. To go down into the car while the leopard remained there alive seemed like putting my head in a lion's mouth, and I had no means of killing the beast, for my fire-arms were also in the car. Meantime, though L AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. lOI I had secured a foothold in the netting, the strain on the muscles of my hands and arms was great, and I could not support it for ever. At last I drew my knife, which, in my THE LEOPARD STRIVES TO REACH THE MAJOR. hurry, I had luckily shoved into my pocket unclasped, and climbing around the base of the balloon began severing the ropes which attached the car to it. As the car swung downward, X ^^i£mt^ »o« THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. supported by the last two ropes, the young leopard fell to earth; but its mother, becoming suddenly conscious of what I was doing, sprang upwards and struggled har i to climb the single o rope that remained uncut-for the other, half severed, had yielded when she sprang. It was a trying moment, but the knife was sharp and divided the rope in time. Down went the car and the leopard after it, still grasping the rope with her claws. Sometimes the car was uppermost, sometimes the beast. In spite of my own perilous position, I could not help watching this terrific see-saw in the air. until beast and car, after shrinking to mere specks, were dashed to pieces on the ground. Fortunately for me my eyes were accustomed to dizzy heights. I had provided againt the too rapid ascent ot the balloon, when lightened of so great a weight, by cutting a small hole in its side. But this proved insufficient to stop its upward progress. So I made other small holes, with great caution-for my only chance of a successful descent was to let the gas escape by slow degrees. My task was not an easy one, for the balloon, cut loose from its ballast, now lay over considerably on one side, with me beneath. The strain on my hands had consequently grown greater. However, I eased it somewhat by getting one leg inside the netting, and soon I was glad to perceive, from the gently upward AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. ,03 direction of the loose ropes, that I was beginning to descend. The motion grew more and more rapid, and though I managed to reduce its rapidity for a time by cutting off all the swinging ropes within my reach, I should probably have been maimed, or killed outright, had I not alighted on the long, feathery leaves of a date-palm, in the centre of a beautiful cluster of these trees. After refreshing myself with some dates, and filling my pockets with more, I struck into the desert to seek the wreck of the car, and especially my rifle and revolver, without which I had no hopes of reaching civilisation again. My ruined balloon did me a last service, as it limped over the tops of the palms : it enabled me to tell the direction of the wind, which I could not have discovered otherwise, for it was nearly a dead calm. By going directly against the wind I knew I must draw near the objects of my search. I found the shattered car and the remains of the leopard by it ; but rifle and pistol were bent and broken beyond any possibility of use or repair. But I must tell you how I got home another time, for I am tired of talking now. I I XXII. A TWO-LEGGED STEED. "You must tell us how you got home," cried the boys next evening, cutting off the Major's attempted retreat from the tea-table. "What must be, must be, he said, reseating himself. Well; when I found my firearms smashed, I was dumbfounded for a minute or so. Then, as the sun was just setting, I looked over the wreck of the car and picked out a thin rope and the skin in which I used to carry my water, and which still held about half a gallon. I built a fire out of the remnants of the car and its contents, and, stretching my feet towards it, fell asleep almost instantaneously; I was too tired to make any plans. Next morning I was awakened by a sharp pain on my riirht cheek, and, opening my eyes, I saw a vulture perched upon my breast and preparing to have a second and more satisfactory peck at my face, if I should happily prove to be dead or mortally wounded. I jumped up with a shout, which scared the cowardly A TWO-LEGGED STEED. 105 bird and a whole flock of his mates that were feeding on the carcass of the leopard. The course of the balloon had been nearly due east, and, as well as I could guess at its average speed, I was not much more than a hundred mile's from the coast. So, after breakfasting on the rest of the dates and a small allowance of water I took Horace Greeley's advice to young men, and went west. *' How could ycu tell which side was the west ? " asked Bill. The sun, my boy, very kindly got up that morning at about the usual time and in the usual place. And during the whole of the first day I was guided by a distant clump of trees which lay but little out of my course. I reached the clump half broiled and without a drop of water, having used up most of my supply in moistening my head to keep off sunstroke. However, the trees were date-palms, and grew over a brook, as these trees commonly do. So I found an abundance of food, drink, and fuel, and slept as soundly and safely as the night before. I started into the desert early next morning in better spirits ; for I was some twenty-five miles nearer home, and had not, so far, met a beast of prey, though I had heard one roaring near my fire. " . . • , . About noon I observed an animal behind me, but too far p io6 THE MAJOR'S BrCTALK STORIES. away to recognise. Some minutes later I looked round again and saw it in about the same position. This looked as if it was following me. I felt uncomfortable and glanced back a third time. It was a little nearer now, and I perceived, to my alarm, that its colour was tawny. Wishing to know the worst, I halted. To my surprise, the animal halted too. Its motion had been stealthy and cat-like ; but nr>w its pose was bold and commanding, as it raised its head and coritemplated me. If I had any doubts remaining, they were soon gone, for the beast lifted its head higher, and proved its identity by roaring as only lions can roar. I had self-control enough not to turn and flee at this terrible summons. On the contrary, I looked the lion steadily in the face for some minutes and then calmly resumed my journey. As I had hoped, he did not charge, but continued to follow at the same interval. When I halted again, he halted too ; when I walked, he walked after me. He apparently meant to attack me in the dark, when lions are boldest. Several times that day I was on the point of ending my jj fearful suspense by rushing at my pursuer and forcing him either to fly or to eat me for his dinner instead of for his supper. But each time some new hope would spring up in my breast, and I would trudge on still. Once I remembered Anarocles and hoped M ■ A TWO-LEGGED STEED. 107 that the lion might tread upon a thorn. Another time I thought of a man in a similar plight with myself, who, happily combining presence of mind with absence of body, raised his hat and cloak on a stick, and induced a deluded lion to sijring at it and fall down a convenient precipice. Time and again I hoped for trees, and time and again I asked myself the conundrum, "Why is a lion like an oyster } " and comforted myself with the answer, " Because neither can climb a tree." Yes; if I were only up a tree, I would fear the lion no more than any oyster of the same size and weight. I think I could have climbed anything just then— a branchless palm, the North Pole, a genealogical tree. But I could see nothing higher than myself, ex.spt the sun. At last I came to a slight rise in the boundless waste. From the summit I saw neither rock nor tree. Two cassavas were in sight, but they were only stunted shrubs, a few feet high. The sun was at the horizon, and the lion had lessened his distance visibly. I felt the courage of despair, and was about to turn and tempt the wild beast to kill me then or never, when I saw something rise out of the long shadow cast by the cassavas in the setting sun. It proved to be a large ostrich, which had been frightened by some sight or sound at the other side of the bushes, for it came straight io8 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. towards me, using wings and legs, as ostriches do when hurried or alarmed. In a moment I had formed a plan of escape. I headed the huge bird and shouted at it. It fled in bewilderment back to the cassavas, where, according to its silly custom, it thrust its head into the leaves and halted, in the belief that not to see involves not tc be seen. "But, uncle," said Bill, "don't late travellers deny that ostriches have any such habit .? " " Modern ostriches," answered the Major, " have reformed, like other bipeds. But mine was an ostrich of the old school. He clung, to the traditional faults and virtues of a past age. He wanted no reform bill, or reformed bill either." " There was a double chase," continued the Major, resuming his narrative, for no sooner had I begun to run after the ostrich than the lion, echoing my shout with compound interest, started in pursuit. To a looker-on the race would have shown strange contrasts ;— the flapping, waddling, frightened ostrich ; the man running silently for life; the roaring lion, with successive bounds, hastening after his prey. I was a good hand at leap-frog when I was at school. I had often leaped on to the sixth or seventh back at the old game of " High Cockalorum." But I had never had so high " a back " given A TWO-LEGGED STEED. 109 me before, as that now offered by the unconscious ostrich. Still, I never had so much encouragement to distinguish myself at any game before, for a hungry lion had never been the next player behind me I THE TWO-LEGGED STEED. Mustering all my strength, I sprang into the air, tipping the ostrich's tail with my fingers as I flew over it. In another I was seated comfortably on the back of the bird, holding tightly to its neck vtrith both hands. The huge creature, terrified no less by the roaring of the lion, now hardly fifty yards behind, than by the mysterious weight on its back, hastily raised its head from the ^'° THE MAJORS BIG-TALK STORIES. I cassava bush and went off at a pace which soon distanced our pursuer. We travelled all night, and on the following afternoon struck the coast some miles below the trading-post, which we reached at sun-down. "And what did the ostrich eat on the way?" asked Bill. "Chiefly money," answered the Major. " What ! Money .? " "Yes; money. I suppose you are aware that ostriches are fond of eating stones and metals." "So I have heard," said Bill. " Well, I thought a few coins might be a pleasant change for my ostrich, and I had a quantity of gold coins in a belt to provide against emergencies, as my habit was when ballooning. So I threw him a sovereign, which he swallowed eagerly; then an eagle, which he seemed to enjoy still more. At least he ran to it and stooped for it with more haste, whether because it was a larger coin, or because it was of American manufacture, I am unable to decide." " How did you get him to go in one direction all the time } queried Bill. "By making a noose on my rope and lassoing his neck, keeping the ends of the rope in my hands to act as reins. I put A TWO-LEGGED STEED. II] two knots on the rope to prevent the noose from getting too tight and strangling the bird ; yet I managed to make it mighty dis- agreeable for him when he tried to alter his course. While the coins lasted I had no trouble at all ; for, whenever he wanted to turn, I just threw one straight a-head, and by the time the silly bird had reached it he had quite forgotten his desire to turn." "What a lot it cost to feed that ostrich!" cried little Bob. "Bless your soul," said the Major, "it didn't cost a cent. If I never got home, the money, you see, was no use to me ; if I did I knew I could get it back. I hated to shoot that ostrich; but times were bad, and I could not afford to wait and find out whether the bird would lay golden eggs. "You will find some of its feathers in your aunt's bonnet; I brought them home as proofs of my adventure. Their yellowish tinge is manifestly owing to the large amount of gold swallowed by my two-legged steed." i XXIII. i HOW TO LIE. •' Did a beast ever take one of your men from the camp-fire,* asked Bob, "the way the man-eater ran away with Gordon Cumming's man ? " " No, my boy," said the Major ; but then our way of bivouacking was different from Mr. Cumming's. We used to sleep with our heads towards the fire and our feet turned outwards. This posture is not so comfortable as the ordinary one, it is true — especially toward morning, when your feet are liable to grow cold. But it is safer for various reasons. First, when you see a beast creeping towards you, you have a rest ready and can fire as you lie, like a Wimbledon or Creedmoor marksman, with your rifle leaning between your toes. Then, if the animal is wounded and charges, you are in the best possible attitude for defence. Your legs have twice the strength and twice the endurance of your arms. Besides, they are armed, on hunting expeditions, with heavy boots, which aid you both offensively and HOW TO HE. "3 defensively. Again, at the beginning of the tussle, the enemy is out of reach of your vital parts, while you are within reach of his. You can hit his face, but he cannot hit yours without first carrying your exterior defences. A bleeding nose in the first round, you know, is very discouraging to the receiver and equally cheerful to the giver. If the assailant were a lion, and you missed him, you would likely be a " goner," feet in or feet out — though the rest would, of course, improve your chances of taking deadly aim. But with lighter beasts a pair of armed heels, both available at the same time, are weapons not to be despised. A she-leopard once sprang at me as I lay in my improved attitude before my fire, after I had merely grazed her with a bullet in the dark. I double up my legs and countered heavily on her nob with both feet. The double kick knocked her back nearly as far as she had sprung. Then she leaped again, this time a little higher and further, hoping to get past my heels and at my head. But I raised my feet with great rapidity, standing on my shoulder blades, and gave her a little unhoped-for assistance— just enough to carry her nicely into the fire. After which she went home. A small party might resist a pack of wolves by lying shoulder to shoulder on their backs, revolvers in hand, feet outwards, kicking with only one foot at a time, and keeping the other in reserve. 114 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. like the bayonets of the rear rank in a hollow square which is about to receive cavalry. This formation is still better for repelling cannibals, as I can testify. A number of them completely surprised our party one night by our camp fire, and, if they had only kept in their war-yell, might have captured every one of us. As it was, being thoroughly trained in the new tactics, each of us awoke with a kick which electrified the nearest man-eater. I smashed a pair of incisors belonging to one big-toothed brave and permanently spoiled his relish for boy. In two minutes we had sent the whole tribe away to the dentist. On our side we only lost one man, and he had no nails in his boots. Our loss might have been considerable had the attacking party used missiles. " And why didn't they ? " asked Bill. " Cannibals," explained the Major, " prefer capturing to killing ; they don't want to have too large a stock of meat on hand at one time. " I had noticed in my school days," the Major went on to say, that to lie on one's back and kick up (spinning round on one's shoulder blades, should the enemy attempt to turn the position) was the only system of military tactics that gave a small boy any sort of a chance against a big one. But I never fancied then that the dodge would work satisfactorily against so very big a bully as a gorilla. " • HOW TO LIE. "5 Whether the gorilla I refer to was any relation of Du Chaillu's first acquaintance, I cannot say; but anyhow, he conducted himself quite as rudely. In fact, he started from a bush in front of me, stood right in my path, and proceeded to introduce himself without the slightest formality. •' Ubbubboo," observed the ugly ape. " Ubbubboo, yourself!" I retorted, assuming a bold front. If the word meant " How do you do ? " it seemed just as well to return the civility ; but if, as I somewhat suspected, it was a term of abuse, it only served him right to tell him. " You're another ! " In a twinkling he jumped at me. I could hardly have cocked my rifle, even if I had not just discharged it ; I had only time to throw myself on my back and receive him with a tremendous left- heeler in the pit of the stomach. At the same instant his heavy hand descended numbingly on my thigh. Had I foolishly squared up to him with my fists his blow would have reached a more vulnerable spot, and perhaps have fractured my jaw, or an arm, or a rib. But thigh-bones are hard to break. My kick caught him in the wind and nearly doubled him up. He put his hand to the part affected, and looked pained. He muttered " Ubbubboo " in a whisper that was pathetic. Even a gorilla is helpless while he is " winded." In the brief respite I leaped to my feet and stood facing him. Soon a long-drawn sigh showed that his breath and strength were about to return. So I had to hit him in the wind again, and again he stood gaping and bent up and powerless. This gave me time to reload and cock my gun. Then, feeling tolerably safe, I walked away, giving him a parting dig in the wind to keep him quiet, for his own sake. I gladly spared his life, for I rightly guessed that he would not care to follow me, and I was ready for him if he should. Besides, I felt mean enough already at hitting the poor fellow below the belt. I rather flatter myself that I am the first naturalist who ever used these simple but effective tactics. It does not appear that either Buffon or Cuvier, or the Rev. Dr. Livingstone, ever tackled an ape in this particular attitude. XXIV. AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE. "One day," began the Major after tea, I observed a snake behaving in a very odd manner. He was peering round the horizon from the top of a custard-apple tree. On closer inspection I found an explanation of his antics. A fat coney, or "rock-rabbit," lay dead hard by; and I recollected that snakes, because they fall into a state of coma after gorging, and become incapable of resistance, commonly make sure that no enemy is near, before they eat a hearty meal. This snake was only a little more knowing than his fellows, and had climbed a tree to get a better view. Now, even reptiles don't like being kept waiting for dinner, so he came down to drive me off. He was a tolerably biggish fellow and gained rapidly upon me ; and I noticed, to my terror, that he belonged to a species said by the negroes to be extremely venomous. , *t^ When a snake can outrun you, your chances of getting away Il8 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. are slim. No tree, hole, or river is a place of refuge. So I was absolutely forced to ''isk my safety on a single shot, for it was plain that I should never have time to reload. Cocking my rifle, I faced round, steadied my nerves, brought the sight upon the evil eye of the reptile and calmly pulled the trigger. But my firmness left me the moment I had fired, for the serpent wriggled on and on, quicker, if anything, than before. I had barely time to club my rifle when he was upon me. I struck wildly, missed, and lost my footing from the violence of my ineffectual blow. His green and scarlet scales flashed above me in the sun ; his body wreathed itself into a hundred curves. Then he erected himself, arched his neck for the final dart, and dropt like an arrow on my prostrate neck. Somehow I did not feel his fangs ; but then I had heard before of people who never felt their death-blow. It was some minutes before my senses had returned sufficiently to enable me to notice that the snake was lying still with his head on my bosom. His head ! What .? Had I lost my head, or had he lost his ? I gradually came to the conclusion that the loss was his, for I could feel my own cranium, and I could neither feel nor see his. Yes, my nerves had been steady when I fired — I had shot the top off the creature. 1 AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE. "9 Serpents, and worms, and eels, you know, are seldom thoroughly aware that they are dead until some moments after their decease. The news of the demise of one extremity does not reach the other extremity for a minute or two ; or, if it does, the latter extremity certainly goes on wriggling in a very unfeeling and unseemly manner. "United in death!" said a greedy viper, with tears in his eyes, when his twin brother stuck in his throat and 'loked him. If the serpent that chased me uttered his regrets, I fancy he expressed a totally different sentiment. It may have been equally unselfish, though: he may have only mourned the separa- tion from his better half. But I could not hear his last speech— his parting words were with his head, and that was far away. XXV. FISHING FOR A LION. Another of my feather expeditions led me to the southern extremity of the desert, into the zone of the baobabs and custard-apple trees. I was doing a day's canoeing on a lake which touched three or four oases that I had to visit for trading purposes. I had grounded my canoe on the southern shore to inspect the largest baobab I had ever seen. It stood in solitary state on a sandy plain, close to the water's edge. Taking a lasso with me, for the double purpose of measuring the trunk and noosing some of the fruit, I found the tree to be about a hundred feet in girth. " A hundred feet ! " echoed Bill, with the air of a critic making mental notes. " Yes," said the Major, meekly — nearly as large as the baobabs seen by old Cadamosto in the fifteenth century. Forty feet up the stem my baobab split into two colossal branches, and these, in their turn, sent forth boughs that, by themselves, would be good-sized trees. From these sprang a forest of smaller branches, clothed with large FISHING FOR A HON. 121 palmatcd leaves, covering- an acre of ground with their shade. At the roots was a cavity with an entrance at one side only. I had lassoed one of the yellow-brown, oval fruits, about eleven inches long, and was poising my lasso to snare another equally fine specimen, when I heard a distant roar, and saw an animal, which proved to be a lioness, coming quickly from the desert. Answering growls from the hollow in the tree soon showed me the pretty pickle I was in. The hollow was tenanted by a family of young lions, and the lioness was hastening to protect her cubs. It was too late to retreat to the canoe, and it seemed rather difficult to climb a tree with a very smooth bark and a girth of a hundred feet, and with not a single branch that stooped within four yards of the ground. However, necessity is the mother of invention, and, having nothing to help me but my lasso, my thoughts naturally turned to it for aid. There was a stunted and leafless bough some fifteen feet beneath the main fork. A stronger and more healthful companion bough left the parent stem at the same point, and, reaching upwards, was lost to view in the maze of light green foliage overhead. I lassoed the stunted limb and, drawing the noose tight, began to ascend the hanging rope with some misgivings. Being in the best condition, and accustomed to climbing, I feared the branch's weakness much more than my own. 122 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES, Before I was half way up, the tawny body of the lioness appeared in the air, her head as high as my knees ; and she turned aln'ost upside down in her convulsive attempt to seize me. Unused to such perpendicular jumping, she had misjudged her first spring, and before she made her second I was far above her reach. For a moment indeed, I seemed to lose control over my muscles, and with a strange fascination I watched her as she descended to the ground, alighting on her feet, as cats somehow manage to do, whatever may have been their posture in the air. But I soon regained my senses, and made the rest of the ascent without pausing once or even thinking of the insecurity of my support. I had some difficulty in grasping and getting upon the sound branch, which was as thick as my body. But once on it, I had no trouble in mounting higher and trans- ferring myself to a larger, horizontal branch. On this I rested for a while. I had now a good opportunity of studying the habits of a lion family at home, for the male lion soon appeared, dragging an antelope, which the young ones devoured — not without some fights for the titbits, as I guessed from the growlings. The parent lions, I found, generally spent the day at home, except when they went singly to the lake, or when the mother escorted her cubs for a ramble or to drink. At night one or the other of the old ones used FISHING FOR A HON. 123 to go out hunting ; but one always remained on guard, for they never forgot my presence in the tree." " Why, how long were you there, uncle ? " asked Bill. " Just eleven days," answered the Major. " And what did you eat ? " "The fruit of the baobab, the 'monkey-bread.' It has a sourish, but rather pleasant taste." " And what did you drink } " " Water ; there was a natural tank of it at the main fork of the tree, which, like most old baobabs, had begun to decay down- wards. Happily, with a fruit diet, I did not need much water, for it was far from nice." " And where did you sleep .-* " pursued Bill. " There were several large horizontal limbs, and one of these was nearly flat in one place. I used to sleep on this, making myself fast to a higher branch with my lasso, which I had hauled up into the tree on the first day. Until the tenth day it never struck me that the said lasso might enable me to run the blockade. Ikit that night the lion went out hunting later than usual, and, though the moon was nearly full, I was obliged to defer my sclicme for want of light. On the following night it was the lioness's turn to hunt. She left the den before sundown, for her mate had been unsuccessful T 124 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. the night before, and it was absokitely necessary to replenish the larder. The necessity which made her go out early would probably ensure her absence for some time. No sooner did I think she was out of hearing than I let down the noose of my lasso to the top of the den, and drew the lion forth by making a little noise. As he was re-entering the hollow I tried to snare his tail, without success at first. Three times I enticed him into the open air in vain. The fourth time, just as the daylight was giving out, I caught him and the tug of war began. When he first felt bis tail gripped he lashed it angrily, which only served to make the slip-noose tight. Then he commenced to pull in earnest. "Then, like a noble courser When first he feels the rein, The fiirious lion struggled hard And tossed his tawny mane." He roared and raged and ramped so that I feared the rope would snap. He even managed to redeem part of his tail from confine- ment; but at the tuft which ended it the noose finally stopped. I had of course taken care to tie the upper end of my lasso to a branch, not wishing to pit myself against the king of beasts in a tugging match. At first I merely sat astride on a branch and let him tire himself. After a while, however, I began to draw in the rope, whenever it became slack, and to wind it round a stout knob which I had prepared with my pocket-knife to serve as a sort FISHING FOR A LION. 125 of belaying-pin, for I had no reel suited for this particular kind of angling. It was essential to shorten his tether somewhat, to prevent his reaching me when I should drop to the ground. Besides as the rope became shorter and more perpendicular, he would have less chance of breaking it with a spring. Bit by bit I drew it in and wound it round the knob, until the lion could hardly move a yard in any direction. At last, taking him off his guard, with a vast effort, I jerked his hind feet some inches off the ground and put a last coil round my belaying-pin, leaving the beast supported by his fore-legs and tail. While he was in this constrained posture, the behaviour of the cubs would have been laughable if it were not pitiable. His roars had roused them some time ago, and now, misconstruing the sad plight of their parent, they began to frolic around him. Their alarm in fact had changed to amusement at the unlionlike attitude of their papa. They thought he was playing monkey, or some other game in which sober lions forget their dignity to please their little ones. According to their light he was only hanging on by his tail to a bush-rope, like a prehensile-tailed ape. His vain efforts to reach me, when I dropped to the ground a few feet from him, certainly seemed ludicrous. But I did not laugh. I never laugh at a hero forced by disaster to figure as a clown. Besides, I actually thought he would get loose when I made for the 126 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. canoe with his favourite cub under my arm. His roaring grew terrific — beating Stentor and the HowHng Monkeys of Brazil. And all the young lions now took parts in the chorus. Just as I was launching the canoe, this leonine telephone was answered from afar by the angry voice of the lioness. She might have been too late to save the cub had I wished to test what a lioness can do in the swimming line under strong provocation. But under the circumstances mercy prevailed, and I left the little one behind. When I was a few rods out from the shore, an animal bounded down the bank, seized the cub in its mouth and hastened back towards the baobab. Whether it was the lion or the lioness I could not discern, for the short twilight was now over. " But, uncle, I thought there were no lakes found in the desert," commented Bill, at the end of the Major's story. " Nor was this lake ever ' found ' before I found it," said the Major. " But," pursued Bill, " have any late explorers come across it ? " " Not very likely, I reckon : the whole Sahara, you know, was once an inland sea, as its sand attests. The lake I saw was the last part to be soaked up, and it was drying fast when I was there. In fact my canoe was some yards farther from the water at the end than at the beginning of my sojourn in the tree, and the delay caused by this circumstance was near proving fatal to me." \ Jl XXVI. A CASTLE IN THE AIR. "A LARGE thing in trees that baobab you spent eleven days in " remarked Bill next evening, closing the eye that was farthest from his uncle. " A pretty good size for Africa," returned the Major ; " but the ' big tree ' of California — Sequoia gigantica they call it in the books — is just as thick and several times as tall. Soon after my return to America I was up in one, house and all." Here Bill shut his sleepiest eye again. Perhaps you don't know that I tried mining in California when I was a lad. I built a ranch between two " big trees," and worked a claim, and found an ounce of gold one day and lost it the same night, and for the rest of my mining days could hum a tune or enjoy a joke in the presence of a dozen highwaymen. So after a few months I '* vamoosed the ranch " and went to Africa. Twenty years later, however, when I again found myself in California, with a little money in my pocket, I felt like seeing the i A r 28 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. old spot. The diggings, I was told, had been abandoned years ago, and the whole neighbourhood had become a solitude. Some miles from the place I found the mule path impassable, and was forced to finish my pilgrimage on foot. I had already sighted the clump of "big trees" where my hut stood, and had noticed the ruins of some other huts beyond, when I heard an Indian war-whoop, and saw a number of braves galloping their horses down the gulch behind. As a matter of course our mine had a gulch in its vicinity. It had all the belongings of a first-class mine except the gold. My only chance was to gain my old hut before I was shot. Arrived there I could bolt the door, if the bolt remained, and perhaps pick off the Indians one by one. But when I got beneath the " big trees " there was no vestige of a hut there, and so I hastily decided upon climbing a tree. As I did not fancy doing so v/ith my rifle loaded, I first brought down a redskin who had already fired at me. I knew, however, that some one of the others was sure to si-iit me soon through some opening in the foliage either from the ground or an adjoining tree. I was barely fifteen feet from the ground when the first of them reached the clump and sprang from their horses. But at that moment I saw a welcome sight. There was the open door of my old hut on a level with me A CASTLE IN TIJE AIR. I2() a few yards out from the stem of the sequoia! The hut was hanging between two large branches, partially supported by a smaller one beneath. I popped into it and slammed the door, without stopping to consider how the mischief it had got there. I counted eight redskins below. I bagged four of them through holes in the floor and walls — "vents" I used to call them in the old mining days, Then the rest resolved to go to their wigwams. I sent a couple of bullets after them, which materially aided two of them in keeping their resolution. I was now able to take a leisurely look at my old cabin and to find out the secret of its starding rise in the world. It had been built between two sequoias, as I said before. Each big tree had got an arm under the eaves. Between them they had gradually lifted it from the ground and suspended it in the air, like a sedan-chair. Almost hidden by the leaves, I had not noticed it from below. • XXVII. A GREEN MAN AND A "GREEN BEAST." One season I ?ot tired of African vegetables, and concluded to erow some corn and asparagus in a field about half a mile from my house. I bad inclosed the land with a strong fence, and was on my way to paint the fence green, with a view to preserving the wood and keeping off certain insects. I had nothing in my hand but the paint-pot, never dreaming that I should meet any dangerous brute so close to the company's station. Just as I got inside the inclosure I heard the trumpeting of an elephant, and saw a huge animal charging at me. trunk in air. It is very uncommon for an elephant to attack a man unprovoked ; but this one was a "rogue," which, being driven out from the herd, becomes the most vicious and dangerous of its kind. This I found out afterwards ; for, at the time, I bent all my thoughts and all my energies upon reaching the nearest large tree knowing that I should not be safe in a small one. My tree of refuge was a baobab, small of its kind, not being over fitteen feet A GREEN MAN AND A " GREEN BEAST." 131 in circuit. It was easy to climb, and so, hardly knowing what I was doing, I took my paint-pot up with me. On came the elephant, right through the fence, which snapped in pieces before him, only seeming to increase his rage. 'lESlUGliU UV AN ELEl'HANT. I knew I was in for a long siege unless some one should come that way, for one of my negro labourers was laid up, and the other was out fishing, and might be out all night. Nor was there any 132 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. hope of escaping when the brute went to water, for there was a brook in sight of the tree. After sunset the elephant did withdraw to take drink, but came straight back, and lay down beneath the tree. About that time I thought my case hopeless, for I was already suffering from thirst. I might last till the morning, but when the heat returned I must faint and fall. I wondered whether it would be pleasanter to be trampled by an elephant or to poison myself with green paint. It was a lucky thing that I thought of that paint, for it put an idea into my head. Acting upon this idea I began to tease the brute and disturb his repose, by throwing broken twigs and shouting at him. I wanted to make him particularly mad with vte, so that he would let anybody else pass him unmolested. Then I took off all my outer clothes, and having made them fast where I had been sitting, I painted myself green from head to foot ! Of course he could not see what 1 was doing in the dark. At the first signs of dawn 1 descended to a lower bough, taking my snuff-box with me. This I opened and threw at his head, thinking it advisable to impair his sense of smell, if possible. He started to his feet and looked about him. It was lighter now. for it lightens quickly in Africa; but he could not see me, as I was the same colour as the leaves of the baobab. So he merely fixed his gaze on my clothes and sneezed. • A GREEN MAN AND A " GREEN BEAST.' K\.] Just then I slipped down to a still lower branch, and from that to the ground, and walked away — coolly, in one sense of the word — for I was shivering with fright. He looked at me for one moment only : it was not a green man nor a green monkey that he was after. So I left him sneezing and trumpeting furiously — at my garments. The elephant was wrong in believing the common adage that *' the tailor makes the man." .11 .c XXVIII. OUR CHROMO. It was a bright thought on the part of our Feather Company to tempt the natives with the untried allurements of the chromo. They were growing weary of Paris beads, and plaster-of- Paris candies, and the coming of our grand " Beatrice " — 44 inches by 34 — was greeted with enthusiasm. A waggon-load of feathers was justly deemed a small price for this superb masterpiece. Only a few copies remain for sale at the office of the Metropolitan Feather Company. They are a little cheaper now. Birds pecked at the original painting, mistaking the lips for cherries, or the whole head for a squash, — I forget which. The holes thus made, which alone prevent the picture from being perfect, are faithfully reproduced in our " Beatrice." '• Beatrice what ? " asked little Bob. " What was her other name : " Whether the young person," said the Major, " is Dante's Beatrice, or Thackeray's Beatrice, or Beatrice Cenci, or the Princess OUR CHROAfO. '35 Beatrice, I never knew. She usually accommodates herself to circumstances. Customers can have their choice. I only know she is a ' wondrous creation,' and that the Feather Company, in offering her at the very low figure of fifty pence a copy, is simply rushing into bankruptcy out of pure amiability and love of art. All families of culture have this chromo." " None of our friends have that I know of," remarked Bill. " You may not see it in their houses, it is true," rejoined the Major. Only vulgarians expose the ideal beauty of our " Beatrice," to be gaped at by everyday visitors. One chief offered me his second-best wife, and another the fattest of his captives, for this marvel of art. But I preferred selling for feathers or gold. Hearing at a village of the Booboos that a neighbouring chief possessed a quantity of that metal, I walked over to see him, taking only one servant, who carried a number of chromos and a pot of paste in a wheelbarrow. Frames were too heavy to carry, and we had found that pasting the pictures on smooth logs came quite up to the Booboo standard of decorative art. We secured the chief's whole stock of gold for less than half the chromos, and turned our steps back to the village. Crossing a deep stream, my poor servant, who had poised the wheelbarrow on his head, was cut in two by a crocodile. I caught the barrow in time, and reached the other bank in safety. 136 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. I liad now to pass a small forest. About half way through, a herd of five elephants chased me. I hastily pasted five chromos to as many trees, and fled onwards with my precious barrow-load. Each elephant, as I had hoped, furiously charged one of the "counterfeit presentments " of *' Beatrice," and imbedded his tusks in the tree. Chromos have charms to catch the savage beast. Please don't interrupt me now, Bill — you can look up the quotation afterwards. Further on, in the open, I met a hungry lion. I remembered Una's lion, and thought it might be a good thing to stick a chromo on my back. But this beast was hard-hearted, and was not a bit softened by the innocent look of " Beatrice." On the contrary, he roared more hungrily than before, seeing so very tempting a morsel, and doubtless resolved to eat my pretty side the first. Finding I could not get away from him with my valuable burden, I lay down, cocked my rifle, used the wheelbarrow as a rest, and scored a bull's eye.. You jce I was ready to fight when I was put to it, though I generally preferred running away — out of kindness to the brute creation. I now found that my excitement had made me lose my way. I thought, however, that I recognised the hill that overhangs the Booboo village whence I had started in the morning. As this hill was several miles distant and it was just nightfall, I deemed it safi'st to pass the night where i hapiiened to be then. A ii... limb of a OUR CHROMO. 137 a the baobab, which stood beside a clear pond, offered me security and rest. I left the gold in the barrow, for I had no fear of thieves, but took my remaining chromos up to my roost, lest they mi'^ht be damaged by wild beasts. Two of the chromos, I found, had become pasted together, back to back, through the upsetting of the paste-pot. The i)ond turned out to be a lions' watering place ; and after midnight four of these animals lay down to sleep beneath my tree. This might have proved extremely awkward, for I had only a couple of cartridges left. But " Beatrice " again helped me out of the scrape. I made a temporary frame out of four rods, which I bound together at the corners. In this frame I set my double chromo, making holes in its side, and tying it to the rotl frame with strips of my handkerchief During the night I wandered about the branches of the huge tree, until I found one long and straight, and slender enough for my jiurpose. This I cut, and to its end I hung the upper side of the frame. As day dawned 1 lowered the two-faced chromo to the ground, in a straight line between two lions who were sleeping some yards apart. Then I coughed loudl)-. They awoke, and a tender young creature met the hungry gaze of each. They took a few short, stealthy steps, and then sprang together. I gave i3« THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. the pole a quick jerk. Up jumped "Beatrice" unscathed; and her would-be de\ourers met each other in mid air. The meeting was a cruel disappointment to each, and neither lion forgave his fellow for not being a young lady. They ramped and roared in a way that would have charmed Tippoo Sahib or the King of Oude. After the deaths of the first two lions I passed several weary, thirsty hours before the two remaining- fellows took their next snooze. Then I lowered the pole again and placed the double " Beatrice " exactly between them. This time one awoke before the other, and sprang the instant he awoke. Before I could move it he went through the chromo in magnificent style, like a circus rider leaping through a hoop. I could hardly help crying " Bravo I " as he swooped down like an ugly nightmare on his sleeping chum, 1 did not see the end of this last fight. Fearing that one of the combatants might survive and still prove troublesome, I clambered down and made for the Booboo village. I arrived there safe, with my barrow and my gold, but inclined, nevertheless, to agree with the woeful Hassan in the "oriental eclogue": — *' The lily, peace, outshines the silver store. And life 's more precious than the golden ore." XXIX. SIDE USES OF MEDICINE. "Your health appears to have been wonderful, uncle," saiil Bill the next evening: "were you never ill in all your travels,^" " Once or twice," answered the Major, but never long — I made a point of taking medicine with me on all occasions. When I was a very small boy I used to wonder why Indians called any worker of marvels a medicine-man. Rut I gradually stopped wondering. Even the nan.e of medicine, I found, may have almost supernatural effects. For example, I seldom took to bed at my boarding-school but that I felt quite well, and even eager to get up, the moment I heard that the housekeeper was coming with a dose. And I began in my boyhood to see that physic can do great things besides curing sickness. When our bull-terrier quarrelled with the Browns', the two dogs got their jaws locked, and no one in the crowd could separate them. One man pinched their tails and another cruelly suggested pouring hot water on thenj, and I40 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. actually ran into a house to get some. But I had heard from my father that anger was a disease, and so I just gave each dog a teaspoonful of the castor-oil I was fetching home from the druggist's. I had to put it into the corners of their mouths, which they could not shut just then. It raised the blockade in a moment. The two dogs made faces, opened their mouths with one accord, and became friends and sympathisers. I acted for the best on the occasion, and quite forgot Dr. Watts's advice to " let dogs delight to bark and bite." When I grew up and went to Africa I always carried a few bottles and pill-boxes. I found it a capital plan, when lion-hunting, to load one barrel with ball and the other with pills. They were larger than No. I shot, and were old-fashioned pills with no sugar- coating and made of rhubarb and jalap. If the bullet missed a vital spot, the lion would rush at me, open-mouthed. When he got near enough I would give him a charge of pills, a few of which, scattered like shot, were sure to get into his mouth. Wild beasts always found the dose quite big enough, and retired. They would not come back soon either, preferring to let a few hours intervene between doses, according to the instructions on the box. It was seldom, indeed, that my first bullet failed to kill, for I aimed calmly and steadily, owing to the just confidence I had in the contents of my second barrel. The pain of a wound, I knew, SIDE USES OF MEDICINE. 141 only enrages, but the pain of a jalap pill disheartens and disgusts a beast. One time, when we were camping out, the native who was on watch fell asleep. A hungry panther, waiting till the fire had burned down, leaped into the circle of sleepers with a roar and seized my faithful servant by the collar. As the unhappy man was being dragged away, the agitated negroes rushed here and there, some looking for their guns, and some trying to kindle torches. But I took out my solution of quinine and dashed the liquid after the retreating beast. It fell chiefly on my servant's neck and shoulders ; but the panther instantly loosened his grip and fled. He had no desire to eat a man with such a bitter taste ! And indeed no one who has ever taken the mixture can help pitying the poor beast's disappointment. On another occasion, I heard a piteous wailing in the bush, and, dropping my gun, I ran with my medicine box to the relief, as I thought, of a suffering fellow-creature. I found myself, how- ever, face to face with the laughing hyena described by Captain Marryat, " which simulates the cries of mortal distress, and then devours the unwary traveller whose benevolence has drawn him to the spot — a sad instance of the ingratituf'^. of human nature." Keeping my presence of mind, I took some capsules of laughing- gas out of the box and threw them into the treacherous animal's open mouth. This direct appeal to the risibility of his nature was too much for him, it tickled him to death. He grinned so immo- derately that he could not get a bite at me, or even close his jaws, before I had drawn my pistol and forced him to laugh at the wroncf side of his mouth. But though I say it myself, I never knew any medicine save more human lives or kill more wild beasts and cannibals, all in a lump, than my own Equatorial Chill Cure. To prove the efficacy of this great discovery I put the first batch of negroes who wanted to be cured into a swamp of the worst possible character. This made them shake twice as much as before. Yet, at the first taste of the Equatorial Cure, they bounded from their constrained attitude and rushed home, as lively as grasshoppers. " They didn't want a second taste, I'll bet ! " said Bill. " No, my dear boy ; they did 7tot^' said the Major emphati- cally. " One was quite enough for any sick man, unless he had wholly lost the use of his senses, or was loo ill to move." " So I thought," whispered Bill. " I wanted to get photographs of some of the niggers," con- tinued the Major, to print upon my labels as " Before " and " After " ; but they shook too fast before, and ran too fast after physicking. Chance, however, made my recipe for the shakes (Price Four Shillings — no family should be without it) suddenly famous SIDE USES OF MEDICINE. H3 con- throughout North-western Africa. On one of my expeditions in search of ostrich feathers our camp was surrounded by a tribe of ferocious cannibals. These abandoned characters were leaping for- ward with yells and assegais, with a grim determination to make mince-meat of us. I directed my negroes to fire, but the whole lot of them were shivering like aspen leaves, and could not hold their guns, much less take aim. The situation was truly critical. In desperation I uncorked a bottle of the Chill Cure and dashed its contents in the faces of my quivering followers. In a twinkling their shaking ceased, and they braced up. Every man felt like a hero and brought down his cannibal. The tribe took to flight, and, together with their conquerors, spread abroad the rumour of my remedy for shakes. The price rose as the demand increased, and I soon got too many feathers in exchange. "Too many ostrich feathers.^" cried Bill. "Yes; too « many ostrich feathers. There were such a lot coming in that I loaded a ship with them. You see they are a light freight, and so, after filling the hold of the vessel, we lashed stacks of them to the upper deck. This gave the wind such a strong grip upon the ship that the first violent gust sent her over on her beam ends, and she soon became water-logged. The crew took to the boats and were picked up by a British barque. The THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. 141 'Z^^^^^^^^^^^^^.i.A for weeks, however, with her whole lull "'twao you Unow how long she floated. Did the British barque stand by and watch her ? " _ ..There goes that dreadful boy again, asking questions Why, . „o„th after she becanre a wreck, her nrasts were seen dnfung ,„ the rocks of TenerifTe ; and nrost of the sea-btrds on that ,,„a Wit their nests of ostrich feathers ne.t season. She .. 1 . oJn hut rr-urrections at sea are out ot have sunk and risen again— but rr my line of narrative." XXX. THE GRATEFUL CAT. " How do you think you'ld like a little African hunting, Bill ? ' asked the Major. " You'ld be old enough in a few years." " I 'm not particularly eager for adventures, uncle, I can assure you. I m afraid I don't possess your presence of — imagination. Two men of resources would be too much to expect in one family, you know. On the whole, I'd rather stay safely at home with our tame cat than visit its wild relations in Africa." " But one is not always safe with a domestic cat," said the Major : " I never was in greater danger than I was from my black cat. Buster." " Why, Buster seems awfully fond of you ! " cried Bill. " So he is now ; and he has good reason to be. But two years ago " " Story ! " called Bill to little Bob, who had been reading. " Two years ago, ' went on the Major, I was obliged to shoot a strange dog which had shown signs of madness. The ne.xt morning, while I was in the stable taking a look at my nag, u 146 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. I heard a most unearthly catcsll from an unoccupied stall. I knew Buster to be capable of a vast variety of tones, but I never expected such a grave-yard growl as that from him. But there he was, perched on the rack, glaring at me with red eyes and posing for a spring. There was no mistaking his condition. He was mad — stark, raving mad. Now, a rabid cat is an uglier customer than a rabid dog, on account of its greater agility and its claws. It seems nearly im- possible to avoid a scratch in a battle with one, when a person has neither stick, nor knife, nor missile with him ; and one scratch may be fatal. To try to throttle a mad cat would be suicidal, and to hit at it would be almost as dangerous. My only chance, I saw at a glance, lay in my skill in catching. If I could avoid Buster's spring, and grasp his tail from behind before he reached the ground, I should be master of the situation. He did not keep me many seconds in suspense. "With one \ compound yell he burst, all claws, upon his foe." I dodged, and caught his tail. Then I whirled him round and round by that clawless member, until he became quite familiar with the nature of centrifugal force. Of course, he fo "'d it impossible to turn upon me. A cat can wag its tail, but its tail can not wag a cat — as Dundreary observed about another quadruped. My only danger was that he might leave his tail behind and fly off like ? THE GRATEFUL CAT »47 a slung shot and then attack me afresh. Even that, however, would give me a valuable start. I had whirled him round for some minutes, and had passed through the stable door and out into the yard, before I had at all decided what to do with my captive. It is one thing to catch a Tartar, and another thing to dispose of him. A glimpse of a pond which adorned my little place, however, settled his fate. Here was the very opportunity I had wanted, to try my cure for hydro- phobia. I had always held, with other good temperance people, that, if you can only force any creature having an aversion to water to drink that healthy fluid, you are bound to cure him of his complaint. The difficulty, I knew, was that the throats of rabid beings are said to contract at the sight or sound of water. But I reflected that Buster for some minutes had been powerless to bite or scratch or even to miaul, in consequence of the rush of blood to his head. His position, in fact, had been sadly tanta- lizing — so near, and yet so far. The moment he was freed from this mortifying constraint, he would doubtless start a new series of squalls and bites. In these contortions of rage, I reasoned, he would swallow some water, if any rabid animal could. With such beneficent intentions, I let him fly into the pond. My idea proved correct. He sank for a full minute, and then came up an altered being. The lurid light had left his eyes, and T \ I ,48 T//£ MAJOR'S BIGTALK STORIES. the light of other days had taken its place. He was rounder than before, and could not walk fast, and looked ashamed. But he was grateful, and rubbed himself against me. Ever afterwards he has drunk nothing but water, and has never been known to hanker after forbidden dairy milk. Even when the cream has disappeared we never dream of suspecting Buster since his reformation. He is, in fact, the most amiable and docile cat. He jumps through my arms, stands on his hind legs, and pulls the bell rope when I tell him. He has even tried his best to help me in the feather business. " In what way ?" asked Bill. •• By killing your aunt's canaries and laying their bodies at my feet." "Uncle," said little Bob reflectively, *' / sometimes think of dodges when they are too late ; but you are always ready with yours." " My motto is ' Toujours pr6t,' " observed the Major. " ' Toujours prate', you mean,' said Bill. " ' Toujours pret,' " persisted the unsuspicious Major : " I fancied ' prete was feminine." "So it is," said Bill; "but still I think 'Toujours prate might be a better motto for my respected uncle." " Oh, I see ! " laughed the Major, clapping with his thumb- nails, "One for Bill— at last!' -1 XXXI. THE " HOW IS DATFORHI." The second time I was at Goalonga, a lovely oasis not marked on any map (I fancy no white man's foot had ever rested there before), " Weren't you a white man the first time you were there ? ' you may ask. Perhaps so, but I didn't happen to get out of my balloon on that occasion, I must reply. And, to resume, the second time I was at Goalonga, I saw the Howis Datforhi, as the natives call it, or River Kangaroo {Macropus Fluviensis), The forte of the river kangaroo, as of his tribe generally, is leaping. He can beat the great kangaroo of Australia at long jumps, while at high jumps he can lick any living thing except the cow that jumped over the moon, and Macbeth, who was prepared to "jump the life to come." But the animal soon tires, and, when overtaken by a beast of prey away from a stream, he speedily falls a victim nowadays. But the lions and panthers are more knowing than they used »?» p I^O THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. to be. When the river kangaroo is tired out and overtaken, he •1 llli KANGAKUU llAKKLES THE LION. trie.'; to baffle his pursuer by a series cw' springs, about a hundred THE ''HO WIS DATFORHir «S» feet high. These give him less labour than long jumps, for the balls of his feet are more elastic and rebound better than the liveliest India-rubber ball. He is obliged to exert his muscles afresh only once in about twenty ascents : the other nineteen are nothing but rebounds. The twentieth jump is, of course, the highest, and it is then that he utters a curious cry, very much resembling his native name, " Howis Datforhi." The blacks say that carnivorous animals do not know how to deal with the river kangaroo, when thus at bay. It was vain to place themselves beneath his descending body, for, whatever part of their backs or heads he touched first with his elastic feet, off he bounded quite far enough to enable him to launch himself upward again, and commence a new set of springs. In fact, the beasts of prey who chased this strange animal only exposed themselves to kicks for nothinfj. Now the lions, at least, know how to catch the river kangaroo when they surprise him far from water. I myself saw the finish of an exciting chase, when the hunted animal, wearied of forward jumping, waited for the lion to come up and then began his old tactics. After watching his wonderful bounds for some time with apparent interest, the lion suddenly sprang to one side, guessing correctly the spot where his victim would reach the ground. There he turned upon his back, and with his four paws in ,52 THE MAJOR'S BIG-TALK STORIES. the air, awaited the doomed kangaroo, which he caught as neatly as if he were the catcher of a champion Nine. There was no rebounding from that grip! - '• But how is the river kangaroo better off beside water ? " you may ask. Why, he jumps across the river, to be sure, and has lots of time to rest while his enemy is swimming it. Then he jumps back again. He can keep this game up all day, and seems rather to enjoy it. In fact, young and adventurous Howis Datforhis go a litde away from the banks to try and tempt some ferocious animal to chase them, just for the fun of disappointing it. But, perhaps you may remark that yoa never heard of kangaroos out of Australia. And it does puzzle me how the beast can have got into Africa. The blacks have a ridiculous fable that, ages ago, two gigantic Howis Datforhis leaped across the sea from some foreign land. But, of course, such bounds as these are beyond the bounds of human faith. I can only vouch for what I sav/ niyself THE END. »