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Lorsque Ie document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul clichA. il est fiimA d partir de I'angla supArieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas. en prenant Ie nombre d'images nAcessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la m4:hode. Brrata to pelure. n 32X 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 ') \\ / THE i' 1 INNOCENTS ABROAD A BOOK OF TRAVEL n PURSUIT OF PLEASURE. BY MARK TWAIN, TEE VOYAGE OUT. , * C. R. CHISHOLM & BROS. "?S \Z\'^ A I liv.a.ji % * THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. CHAPTER I. EOB months the great Pleasure Excursion to Europe and the Holy Land was chatted about in the news- papers everywhere in America, and discussed at countless firesides. It was a novelty in the way of Excursions — its like had not been thought of before, and it compelled that interest which attractive novelties always command. It was to be a picnic on a gigantic scale. The participants in it) instead of freighting an ungainly steam ferry-boat with youth and beauty and pies and doughnuts, and paddling up some obscure creek to disembark upon a grassy lawn and wear themselves out with a long summer day's laborious frolicking under the impression that it was fun, were to sail away in a great steamship with flags flying and cannon pealing, and take a royal holiday beyond the broad ocean, in many a strange clime and in many a land renowned in history ! They were to sail for months over the breezy Atlantic and the sunny Mediterranean ; they were to scamper about the decks by day, filling the ship with shouts and laughter — or read novels and poetry in the shade of the smoke-stacks, or watch for the jelly- fish and the nautMus, over the side, and the shark, the whale and other strange monsters of the deep; and at night they were to dance in the open air, on the upper deck, in the midst of a ball-room that stretched mm horizon to horizon, and was domed by the bending heavens and lighted by no meaner lamps than the stars and the magnificent moon — dance, and promenade, and awoke and ^ 171391 /: I nK*iirfW*»* Hi* t i it ldfc iMIiMii fourths of the ship's capacity. There is good reason to be- lieve «that this company can be easily niade up in this Immediate vicinity, < of mutual friends and acquaintances. The steamer wi'' ,& provided with every necessary comfort, including library and musical instruments. An experienced physician will be on board. Leaving New York about June Ist, a middle and pleasant route will be taken across the Atlantic, and passing through the group of Azores, St. Michael will be reached in about tea days. A day or two will be spent here, enjoying the fruit and wild scenery of these islands, and the voyage coiitinued, and Gibraltar reached in three or four days. A day or two will be spent here in looking over the wonderful sub- terraneous fortifications, permission to visit these galleries being readily obtained. From Gibraltar, running along the coasts of Spain and Franoe, Mar- seilles will be- reached in three days. Here ample time will be given not only to look over the city, which was founded six hundred years before the Christian era, and its drtiflcial port, the finest of the Viiikd in the Mediterraneitn, but to visit J^icris during the Great Exhibition ; and the be«ttt<|UI o^ty of L^ons, lying intermediate, from the heights of which. d A SEDUCTIVE PROGRAMME, 11 • on a clear day, Mont Blano and tho Alps can be distinotly leen. Paa- sengers who may wish to extend the time at Paris can do so, and pasiung down through Switzerland, rejoin the steamer at tieikoa. From Marseilles to Genoa is a run of one night. The excursionists will have an opportunity to look over this, the " magnificent city of palaces," and visit the birthplace of Columbus, twelve miles off, over a beautiful road built by Napoleon 1. From this point, excursions may be made to Milan, Lakes Como and Magglore, or to Milan, Verona (ftmous for its extraordinary fortifications), Fadua, and Venice. Or, if passengers desire to visit Farma (fttmous fbr Correggio's fl'escoes), and Bologna, they can by rail go on to Florence, and r^oin the steamer at Leghorn, thus spending about three weeks amid the cities most famous for art In Italy . From Genoa the run to Leghorn will be made along the coast in one night, and time appropriated to this point in which to visit Florence, its palaces and galleries ; Pisa, its Cathedral and " Leaning Tower," and Lucca and its baths, and Roman amphitheatre ; Florence, the most remote, being distant by rail about sixty miles. From Leghorn to Naples (calling at Civita Vecohia to land any who may prefer to go to Rome A-om that point) tho distance will be made in about thirty-six hours ; the route will lay along the coast of Italy, close by Caprera, Elba, and Corsica. Arrangements have been made to take on board at Leghorn a^ pilot for Caprera, and, if practicable, a call will be made there to visit the home of Garibaldi. Rome [by rail], Herculaneum, Pompeii, Vesuvius, Virgil's tomb, and i)OB8ibly the ruins of Psestum, can be visited, as well as the beautlAil surroundings of Naples and its charming bay. The next point of interest will be Palermo, the most beautiful city of Sicily, which will be reached in one night from Naples. A day will be spent here, and leaving in the evening, the course will be taken towards Athens. Skirting along the north coast of Sicily, passing through the group of .SjoMau Isles, in sight of Stromboli and Vuicania, both active volcanoes, through 'the Strait? of Messina, with "Scylla" on the one hand and " Charybdis" on the other, along the east coast of Sicily, and in sight of Mount ^tna, along the south coast of Italy, the v:"»t and south coast of Greece, in sight of ancient Crete, up Athen: Gulf, and into the Pirnus, Athens will be reached in two and a half or ifiree days. After tarrying here awhile, the Bay of Salamis will be crossed, and a day given to Corinth, whence the voyage will be continued to Constanti- nople, passing on the way through the Grecian Archipelago, the Darda- nelles, the Sea of Marmora, and the mouth of the Golden Horn, and arriving in about forty-eight hours from Athens. After leaving Constantinople, the way will be taken out through the beautiful Bosphorus, across the Black Sea to Sebastopol and Balulava, a run of about twenty-fQur hours. Here it is proposed to remain two days, visiting the harbours, fortifications, and battle-fields of the Crimea ; thence back through the Bosphorus, touching at Constanti- nople to take in any who may have preferred to remain there ; down through the Sea of Marmora and the Dardanelles, alonsr the coasts of ancient Troy and Lydia in Asia, to Smyrna, which wifl be reached in two or two and a half days from Constantinople. A sufl9cient stay will be made here to give opportunity of visiting Ephesus, filty miles distant by rail. 12 TUB INNOCENTS ABROAD, From Smyrna towards tho Holy Land tlio courso will lay through the Oreoian Arohipelugo, oloso by thu Isle of PatmoH, alon^ tho ouatit of Asia, anoiont Fampnylia, and the Isle of Cyprus. Beirout will be reached in throe days. At Beirout time will be given to visit Damat* ous ; after which the steamer will proceed to Joppa. From Joppa, Jerusalem, the River Jordan, the Sea of Tiberias, Naza- reth, Bethany, Bethlehem, and other points of interest in the Holy Land can bo visited, and here those who may have preferred to make the Journey ttora Beirout through the country, passing through Damascus, Galilee, Capernaum, Samaria, and by tho Klvor Jordan and Sea of Ti- berias, can rejoin the steamer. Leaving Joppa, the next point of interest to visit will be Alexandria, which will bo reached in twenty-four hours. The ruins of Ciesar's Palace, Pompey's Pillar, Cleopatra's Needle, the Catacombs, and ruins of ancient Alexandria, will bo found worth the visit. The Journey to Cairo, one hundred and thirty miles by rail, can be made in a few hours, and flrom which can be visited the site of anciont Memphis, Joseph's Granaries, and the PyramidB. From Alexandria tho route will be taken homeward, calling at Malta, Cagliari (in Sardinia), and Parma (in Majorca), all magnificent harbours, with charming scenery, and abounding in fruits. A day or two will be spent at each place, and leaving Parma in the evening, Valencia in Spam will be reached the next tnorning. A lew days will be spent in this, the finest city of Spain. From Valencia, the homeward course will be continued, skirting along the coast of Spain. Alicant, Carthogena, Palos, and Malaga will be passed but a mile or two distant, and Gibraltar reached in about twenty-four hours. A stay of one day will be made here, and the voyage continued to Madeira, which will be reached in about three days. Captain Marryatt writes : " I do not know a spot on the globe which so much aHtonishea and delights upon first arrival as Madeira." A stay of one or two days will be made here, which, if time permits, may be extended, and passing on through the islands, and probably in sight of the Peak of Tenerifiie, a southern track will be taken, and the Atlantic crossed within the lati- tudes of the north-east trade windsi, where mild and pleasant weather, and a smooth sea, can always be expected. A call will be made at Bermuda, which lies directly in this route homeward, and will be reached in about ten days flrom Madeira, and after spendinff a short time with our friends the Bermudians, the final departure wul be made for home, which will be reached in about three days. Already applications have been received firom parties in Europe wish- ing to join the Excursion there. The ship will at all ti'^es be a home, where the excursionists, if sick, will be surrounded by &ind friends, and have all possible comfort and sympathy. Should contagious sickness exist in any of the ports named in the programme, such ports will be passed, and others of interest sub- stituted. The price of passage is fixed at »1260, currency, for eaii^ adult passenger. Choice of rooms and seats at the tables apportidned in the order in which passages are engaged, and no passage considered engaged until ten percent, of the passage money is deposited wtth the treasurer. * •- -^b ii l Mfii i^itifcMMMMfc—fcWI— fc— * *l ii.i>ii;lii ;^ A SFPUCTIVE PROGRAMME, 13 raflsengorfl can romRln on board of tho Btpftmor, at all portfl, If they d«Hlre, without additional exponeo, and all boating at the expense of the ship. All passages must bo paid for when taken, in ordor that the most per* foot arrangements be made for starting at tho appointed time. Applications fbr passage must be approved bv the committee before tickets are issued, and can be made to trie uudorsignod. Articles of interest or curiosity, procured by the passengers during the voyage, may be brought home in tho steamer fVee of charge. Five dollars per day, in gold, it is believed, will be a fair calculation to make for all travelling expenses on shore, and at the various points where passengers may wish to leave the steamer for days at a time. The trip can be extended, and the route changed, by unanivnovB vote of tho passengers. CHA8. C. DUNCAN, 117, Wall Street, New York, R. R. G , Treasurer. J. T. H- COMMITTBE 0\ APPLIOATIONB. -, Esq., R. R. G , Esq., C. C. DUNCAN. Committee on belbotino Steamer. Capt. W. W. S , Surveyor for Board qf Underwriter a, C. W. C , Consulting Engineer for U. S. and Canada. J. T. H , Esq. C. C. DUNCAN. P.S.— The very beautifhl and substantial side-whe«l steamsliip ?uaker City has boon chartered for the occasion, and will leave New ork, June 8tli. Letters liave been issued by the Government com- mending the party to courtesies abroad. What was there lacking about that programme to make it perfectly irresistible ? Nothing that any finite mind could discover. Paris, Endand, Scotland, Switzerland, Italy — Garibaldi ! The Grecian archipelago ! Vesuvius ! Constantinople! Smyrna! the Holy Land! Egypt and ** our friends the Bermudians !" People in Europe de- siring to join the Excursion — contagious sickness to be avoided — boating at the expense of the ship — ^physician on board — the circuit ot* the globe to be made if the passen- gers unanimously desired it — the company to be rigidly selected by a pitiless " Committee on Applications"-^the vessel to be as rigidly selected by as pitiless a " Committee on Selecting Steamer." Human nature could not with- stand these bewildering temptations. I hurried 'to the Treasurer's office and deposited my ten per cent. I re- 14 TBE INNOCENTS ABROAD. ioioed to know that a fow vacant state-rooms were still left. I did avoid a oritioal personal examination into my character by that bowelless committee, but I referred to all the people of high standing I could think of in the community who would be least likely to know anything about me. Shortly a supplementary programme was issued which set forth that the Plymouth Collection of Hymns would be used on board the ship. I then paid the balance of my passage money. I was provided with a receipt* and duly and officially accepted as an excursionist. There was happiness in that, but it was tame compared to the novelty of being " select." This supplementary programme also instructed the excursionists to provide themselves with light musical instruments for amusement in the ship ; with saddles for Syrian travel ; green spectacles and umbrellas ; veils for Egypt; and substantial clothing to use in rough pil- gnmizing in the Holy Land. Furthermore, it was sug- gested that although the ship's library would afford a fair amount of reading matter, it would still be well if each passenger would provide himself with a few guide-books, a Bible, and some standard works of travel. A list was appended, which consisted chiefly of books relating to the Holy Land, since the Holy Land was part of the excursion, and seemed to be its main feature. Rev. Henry Ward Beecher was to have accompanied the expedition, but urgent duties obliged him to give up the idea. There wore other passengers who could have been spared better, and would have been spared more willingly. Lieut.-Gen. Sherman was to have been of the party, also, but the Indian war compelled his presence on the plains. A popular actress had entered her name on the ship's books, but something interfered, and«Ae couldn't go. The " Drummer Boy of the Potomac" deserted, and l0| we had never a celebrity left I However, we were to have a " battery of guns" from the Navy Department (as per advertisemeiit), to be used in answering royal salutes ; and the document furnished by **<*..«> AN OFFICIAL COLOSSl/S, 15 the Secretary of the Navy, which wa' to make ** Gen. Sherman and party" welcome guests in the courts and camps of the old world, was still left to us, though both document and battery, I think, were shorn of somewhat of there original august proportions. However, had not we the seductive programme still, with its Paris, its Con- stantinople, Smyrna, Jerusalem, Jericho, and " our friends the Bermudians ?" What did we care ? CHAPTER II. OCCASIONALLY during the following month I dropped in at 11, Wall-street, to inquire how the repairing and refurnishing of the vessel was coming on ; how additions to the passenger list were averaging ; how many people the committee were decreeing not ^ select," every day, and banishing in sorrow and tribulation. I was gfad to know that we were to have a little printing-press OR board and issue a daily newspaper of our own. 1 was glad to learn that our piano, our parlour organ and our melodeon were to be the best instruments of the kind that could be had in the market. I was proud to observe that among our excursionists were three ministers of the gospel, eight doctors, sixteen or eightoon ladies, several military and naval chieftains with sounding titles, an ample crop of ** Professors" of various kinds, and a gentleman who had " Commissioner op the United States of Amerioato Europe, Asia, and Africa" thundering after his name in one awful blast I I had carefully prepared myself to take rather a back seat in that ship, because of the uncommonly select material that would alone be permitted to pass through the camel' ^ eye of that committee on credentials ; I had schooled myself to expect an imposing array of military and naval heroes, and to have to set that back seat still further back in consequence of it, maybe ; but I state frankly that I was all unprepared for this crusher. I fell under that titular avalanche a torn and blighted thing. I said that if that potentate must go over in our ..y»-- i« fEE INNOCENTS ABROAD. f fi 1: V: 1 ^1 J^ J! ^hip, why, I supposed he must — but that to my thinking, when the United States considered it necessary to send a dignitary of that tonnage across the ocean, it would be in better taste, and safer, to take him apart and cart him over in sections in several ships. Ah ! if I had only known then that he was only a common mortal, and that his mission had nothing more overpowering about it than the collecting of seeds, and uncommon yams and extraordinary cabbages and peculiar bullfro,s;s for that poor, useless, innocent,mildewed old fossil, the Smithsonianlnstitute,! would have felt so much relieved. During; that memorable month I basked in the happi- ness of being for once in my life drifting with the tide of a great popular movement. Everybody was going to Europe — ^I too was going to Europe. Everybody was going to the famous Paris Exposition — I too was going to the Paris Exposition. The steamship lines were carrying Americans out of the various ports of the country at the rate of four or five thousand a week, in the aggre- gate. If I met a dozen individuals, during that month, who were not going to Europe shortly, I have no distinct remembrance of it now. I walked about the city a good deal with a young Mr. Blucher, who was booked for the excursion. He was confiding, good-natured, unsophisti- cated, companionable ; but he was not a man to set the river on fire. He bad the most extraordinary notions about this European exodus, and came at last to consider the whole nation as packing up for emigration to France. We stepped mto a store in Broadway one day, where he bought a handkerchief, and when the man could not make change, Mr. B. said : " Never mind, I'll hand it to you in Paris." *'But I am not going to Paris." ' .** How is what did I understanrd you to say ?" . " I said I am not going to Paris." " Not going to Paris I Not g Well then, where in the nation are you going to ?" "Nowhere at all." ** Not anywhere whatsover ? — not any place on earth but this?" SEA-GOING LODGINGS. vt " Not any place at all but just this — stay here all summer." My comrade took his purchase and walked out of the store without a word — walked out with an injured look upon his countenance. Up the street a piece he broke silence and said, impressively : " It was a lie — that is my opinion of it!" In the fulness of time the ship was ready to receive her passengers. I was introduced to the young p^entlemau who was to be ray room mate, and found him to be intelli- gent, cheerful of spirit, unselfish, full of generous impulses, patient, considerate, and wonderfully good-natured. Not any passenger that sailed in the Quaker City will withhold his endorsement of what I have just said. We selected a state-room forward of the wheel, on the starboard side,' "below decks." It had two berths in it, a dismal dead- light, a sink with a wash-bowl in it, and a long, sumptu- ously cushioned locker, which was to do service as a sofa — partly, and partly as a hiding-place for our things. Notwithstanding all this furniture, there was still room to turn round in, but not to swing a cat in, at least with entire security to the cat. However, the room was large for a ship's state-room, and was in every way satisfactory. The vessel was appointed to sail on a certain Saturday early in June. A little after noon on that distinguished Saturday, I reached the ship and went on board. All was bustle and confusion. [I have seen that remark before, somewhere.] The pier was crowded with carriages and men ; passengers were arriving and hurrying on board ; the vessel's decks I were encumbered with trunks and valises; groups of excursionists, arrayed in unattractive travelling costumes, I were moping about in a drizzling rain and looking as droopy and woebegoHe as so many moulting chickens. iThe gallant flag was up, but it was under the spell too, [and hung limp and disheartened by the mast. Altogether, it was the bluest, bluest spectacle ! It was a pleasure [excursion — there was no gainsaying that, because the pro- Igramme said so — it was so nominated in the bond — but it mrely hadn't the general aspect of one. W' ^/' ■ 18 TB.E INNOCENTS AMOAD. (•; H^ ^-\ ;? PI J Finally, above the banging, and rumbling, and shouting, and hissing of steam, rang the order to ''cast off!" — a sudden rush to the gangways — a scampering ashore of visitors — a revolution of the wneels, and we were off — the picnic was begun ! Two very mild cheers went up from the dripping crowd on the pier ; we answered them gently from the slippery decks ; the flag made an effort to wave, and failed ; the '' battery of guns" spake not — the ammu- nition was out, , , , , We steamed down to the foot of the harbour and came to anchor. It was still raining. And not only raining, but storming. " Outside" we could see ourselves that there was a tremendous sea on. We must lie still, in the calm harbour, till the storm should abate. Our passen- gers hailed from fifteen States ; only a few of them had ever been to sea before; manifestly it would not do to pit them against a full-blown tempest until they had got their sea-legs on. Towards evening the two steam-tugs that had accompanied us with a rollicking champagne- party of young New Yorkers on board who wished to bid farewell to one of our number in due and ancient form, departed, and we were alone on the deep. On deep five fathoms, and anchored fast to the bottom. And out in the solemn rain, at that. This was pleasuring with a vengeance. It was an appropriate relief when the gong sounded for prayer meeting. The first Saturday night of any other pleasure excursion might have been devoted to whist and dancing ; but I submit it to the unprejudiced mind if it would have been in good taste for us to engage in such frivolities, considering what we had gone through and the frame of mind we were ii. We would have shone at a wake, but not at anything more festive. ^^^ -- However, there is always a cheering influence about the sea; and in my berth, that night, rocked by the measured swell of the waves, and lulled by the murmur of the distant surf, I soon passed tranquilly out of all consciousness of the dreary experiences of the day and damaging premonitions of the future. 19 CHAPTER III. ' ALL day Sunday at anchor. The storm had gone down a great deal, but the sea had not. It was still piling its frothy hills high in air " outside," as we could plainly see with the glasses. We could not properly begin a pleasure excursion on Sunday, we could not offer untried stomachs to so pitiless a sea as that. We must lie still till Monday. And we did. But we had repetitions of church and prayer-meetings ; and so, of course, we were just as eligibly situated as we could have been anywhere. I was up early that Sabbath morning, and was early to breakfast. I felt a perfectly natural desire to have a good, long, unprejudiced look at the passengers, at a time when they should be free from self-consciousness — which is at breakfast, when such a moment occurs in the lives of human beings at all. I was greatly surprised to see so many elderly people — I might almost say, so many venerable people. A glance at the long lin^s of heads was apt to make one think it was all grey. But it was not. There was a tolerably fair sprinkling of young folks, and another fair sprinkling of gentlemen and ladies who were non-committal as to age, being neither actually old or absolutely young. The next morning we weighed anchor and went to sea- It was a great happiness to get away after this dragging, dispiriting delay. I thought there never was such glad, ness in the air before, such brightness in the sun, such beauty in the sea. I was satisfied with the picnic then, and with all its belongings. All my malicious instincts, were dead within me ; and as America faded out of sight I think a spirit of charity rose up in their place that was as boundless, for the time being, as the broad ocean that was heaving its billows about us. I wished to express my feelings — I wished to lift up my voice and sing ; but I did not know anything to sing, and so I was obliged to give up the idea. It was no loss to the ship though, perhaps.- ,, 20 THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. m :(' if i , . * \i It was breezy and pleasant, but the sea was still very fough. One could not promenade without risking his neck ; at one moment the bowsprit was taking a deadly aim at the sun in mid-heaven, and at the next it was trying to harpoon a shark in the bottom of the ocean. What a weird sensation it is to feel the stern of a ship sinking swiftly from under you and see the bow climbing high away among the clouds ! One's safest course that day was to clasp a railing and hang on ; walking was too precarious a pastime. . By some happy fortune I was not ^ea-siok. That was a thing to be proud of I had not always escaped before. If there is one thing in the world that will make a man peculiarly and insufferably self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are sea-sick. Soon a venerable fossil, shawled to the chin and bandaged like a mummy, appeared at the door of the after d«ck-house, and the next lurch of the ship shot him into my arms. I said — ** Good-morning, sir. It is a fine day." He put his hand on his stomach and said, " Oh my !" and then staggered away and fell over the coop of a sky- light. Presently another old gentleman was projected from the same door with great violence. I said — *' Calm yourself, sir ; there is no hurry. It is a fine day, sir. He also put his hand on his stomach and said, *' Oh my !" and reeled away I In a little while another veteran was discharged abruptly from the same door, clawing at the air for a saving support. I said — " Good morning, sir. It is a fine day for pleasuring. You were about to say " "O^my!" I thought so. I anticipated him, anyhow. I stayed there, and was bombarded with old gentlemen for an hour perhaps ; and all I got out of any of them was, "O^my!" I went away then in a thoughtful mood.' I said, this i^s TRANSGRESSING THE LAWS. 21 is a good pleasure excursion. I like it. The passengers are not garrulous, but still they are sociable. I like those old people, but somehow they all seem to have the ** Oh my'* rather bad. ; j. I knew what was the matter with them. They were sea-sick ; and I was glad of it. We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not, ourselves. Playing whist by the I cabin lamps when it is storming outside, is pleasant; walking the quaiter-deck in the moonlight, is pleasant; smoking in the breezy foretop is pleasant, when one is not [afraid to go up there ; but these are all feeble and common- jpluce compared with the joy of seeing people suffering the Imiseries of sea-sickness. • v " I picked up a good deal of information during the af^er- loon. At one time I was climbing up the quarter-deck ^hen the vessel's stern was in the sky. I was smoking |a cigar and feeling passably comfortable. Somebody ejaculated — *' Come, now, that, wont answer. Read the sign up there — No smoking abaft the wheel 1" It was Captain Duncan, chief of the expedition. I went forward, of course. I saw a long spy-glass lying on a desk [n one of the upper-deck state-rooms back of the pilot-house, md reached after it — there was a ship in the distance. "Ah, ah — hands off 1 Come out of that I" I came out of that. I said to a deck-sweep, but in a )w voice — " Who is that overgrown pirate with the whiskers and the discordant voice ?" " It's Captain Bursley— :executive ofl&cer — sailing- laster." I loitered about awhile, and then for want of something itter to do, fell to carving a railing with my knife. |omebody said, in an insinuating, admonitory voice — " Now, say, my friend, don't you know any better than be whittling the ship all to pieces that way? You ight to know better than that." I went back and found the deck-sweep. " Who is that smooth-faced animated outrage yonder in ^6 fine clothes ?" 22 THE INNOCENTS ABROAD, " That's Captain L , the owner of the ship — he's one of the main bosses." In the course of time I brought up on the starboard side of the pilot-house, and found a sextant lying on a bench. Now, I said, they " take the sun" thcough this thing ; I should think I might see that vessel through it. I had hardly got it to my eye when some one touched me on the shoulder and said, deprecatingly — " I'll have to get you to give that to me, sir. If there's anything you'd like to know about taking the sun, I'd as soon tell you as not — but I don't like to trust anybody with that instrument. If you want figuring done Ay, ay, sir!" He was gone to answer a call from the other side. I sought the deck-sweep. "Who is that spider-legged gorilla yonder with the sanctimonious countenance ?" > *# » ^^ ■.\' " It's Captain Jones, sir, the chief mate." " Well. This goes clear away ahead of snything I ever heard of before. Do you — now I ask you as a man and a brother — do you think I could venture to throw a rock here in any given direction without hitting a captain of this ship r " Well, sir, I don't know — I think likely you'd fetch the captain of the watch, maybe, because he's a-standing right yonder in the way." I went below — meditating, and a little down-hearted. I thought, if five cooks can spoil a broth, what may not five captains do with a pleasure excursion. CHAPTER IV. WE ploughed along bravely for a week or more, and without any conflict of jurisdiction among the captains worth mentioning. The passengers soon learned to accommodate themselves to their new circumstances, and life in the ship became nearly as systematically monotonous as the routine of a barrack. I do not mean .^.■v|*.v- PILGRIM LIFE AT SEA. 23 lat it was dull, for it was not entirely so by any means — it there was a good deal of sameness about it. As is Iways the fashion at sea, the passengers shortly began to bck up sailor terms — a sign that they were beginning to W at home, ^alf-past six was no longer half-past six to lese pilgrims from New England, the South, and the lississippi Valley, it was "seven bells;" eight, twelve, id four o'clock were " eight bells ;" the captain did not ' ike the longitude at nine o'clock, but at ''two bells." [hey spoke glibly of the " after cabin," the '* for'rard ibin," "port and starboard," and the ** fo'castle." At seven bells the first gong rang ; at eight there was reakfast, for such as were not too sea-sick to eat it. [.fter that all the well people walked arm-in-arm up and )wn the long promenade deck, enjoying the fine summer kornings, and the sea-sick ones crawled out and propped lemselves up in the lee of the paddle-boxes and ate their Umal tea and toast, and looked wretched. From eleven [clock until luncheon, and from luncheon until dinner at in the evening, the employments and amusements were prions. Some reading was done; and much smoking id sewing, though not by the same parties ; there were |e monsters of the deep to be looked after and woiftlered "" strange ships had to be scrutinized through opera- isses, and sage decisions arrived at concerning them ; |d more than that, everybody took a personal interest in nng that the flag was run up and politely dipped three les in response to the salutes of those strangers ; in the [oking-room there were always parties of gentlemen lying euchre, draughts, and dominoes, especially domi- ;s, that delightfully harmless game ; and down on the ^in deck, " for'rard" — ^for'rard of the chicken-coops and cattle — we had what was called "horse-billiards." ^rse-billiards is a fine game. It afibrds good, active Wcise, hilarity, an4 consuming excitement. It is a tture of " hop-scotch" and shuffle-board played with a Itch. A large hop-scotch diagram is marked out on the [k with chalk, and each compartment numbered. You id off three or four steps, with some broad wooden ra before you on t^e deck, and these you send forward ^' 24 THE INNOCENTS ABROAD, n i with a vigorous thrust of a long crutch. If a disc stops on a chalk line, it does not count anything. If it stops in division No. 7, it counts seven ; in 5, it counts five, and so on. The game is a hundred, and four can play at a time. That game would be very simple played on a stationary floor, but with us, to play it well, required science. We had to allow for the reeling of the ship to the right or the left. Very often one made calculations for a heel to the right and the ship did not go that way. The consequence was that the disc missed the whole hop-scotch plan a yard or two, and then there was humiliation on one side and laughter on the other. When it rained the passengers had to stay in the house, of course— or at least the cabins — and amuse themselves with games, reading, looking out of the windows at the very familiar billows, and talking gossip. By seven o'clock in the evening dinner was about over ; an hour's promenade on the upper deck followed; then the gong sounded and a large majority of the party re- paired to the after cabin (upper), a handsome saloon fifty! or sixty feet long, for prayers. The unregenerated called' this saloon the ''Synagogue." The devotions consisted | only ef two hymns from the ''Plymouth Collection," and; a short prayer, and seldom occupied more than fifteen i minutes. The hymns were accompanied by parlour organj music when the sea was smooth enough to allow a per- former to sit at the instrument without being lashed to hi^ chair. After prayers the Synagogue shortly took the semblance! of a writing/ school. The like of that picture was neverj seen in a ship before. Behind the long dining-tables on! either side of the saloon, and scattered from one end to! the other of the latter, some twenty or thirty gentlemen! and ladies sat them down under the swaying lamps, and! for two or three hours wrote diligently in their journals.! Alas ! that journals so voluminously begun should coniel to so lame and impotent a conclusion as most of them didll I doubt if there is a single pilgrim of all that host but caDl show a hundred fair pages of journal concerning the first) twenty days' voyaging in the Quaker City ; arid 1 '^ JACK'S journal:* 25 The semblance! hiorally certain that not ten of the party can show twenty pages of journal for the succeeding twenty thousand miles of voyaging ! At certain periods it becomes the dearest ambition of a man to keep a faithful record of his per- formances in a book ; and he dashes at this work with an enthusiasm that imposes on him the notion that keeping a journal is the veriest pastime in the world, and the pleasantest. But if he only lives twenty-one days, he will find out that only those rare natures that are made up of pluck, endurance, devotion to duty for duty's sake, and invincible determination, may hope to venture upon so tremendous an enterprise as the keeping of a journal and not sustain a shameful defeat. One of our favourite youths, Jack, a splendid young fellow, with a head full of good sense, and a pair of legs that were a wonder to look upon in the way of length, and straightness, and slimness, used to report progress every morning in the most glowing and spirited way, and say : " Oh, I'm coming along, bully 1" (he was a little given to slang in his happier moods.) *' 1 wrote ten pages in my journal last night — and you know I wrote nine the night before, and twelve the night before that. Why, it's only fun I" " What do you find to put in it, Jack ?" " Oh, everything. Latitude and longitude, noon every day ; and how many miles we made last twenty-four hours ; and all the domino-games I beat, and horse billiards ; and whales and sharks and porpoises; and the text of the sermon, Sundays (because that'll tell at home, you know) ; and the ships we saluted, and what nation they were ; and which way the wind waS, and whether there was a heavy sea, and what sail we carried, though we don't ever carry an}/, principally, going against a head wind always — wonder what is the reason of that ? — and how many lies Moult has told — Oh, everything! I've got everything down. My father told me to keep that journal. Father wouldn't take a thousand dollars for it when I get it done." *'No, Jack; it will be worth more than a thousand dollars — when you get it done." 26 TH^ INNOCENTS ABROAD^ 'I ■ ■• " Do you ? — no, but do you think it will, though ?" " Yes, it will be worth at least as muoh as a thousancl dollars — when you get it done. May be, .more." *' Well, I about half think so myself. It ain't no slouch of a journal." But it shortly became a most lamentable '^ slouch of a jcarnal." One night in Paris, after a hard day's toil in sight-seeing, I said : '' Now I'll go and stroll around the cafis awhile, Jack, and give you a chance to write up your journal, old fellow." His countenance lost its fire. He said : " Well, no, you needn't mind. I think I wont run that journal any more. It is awful tedious. Do you know — I reckon I'm as much as four thousand pages behind hand. I haven't got any France in it at all. First I thought I'd leave France out and start fresh. But that Wouldn't do, would it ? The governor would say, * Hello, here — didn't see anything in France?' That cat wouldn't fight, you know. First I thought I'd copy France out of the guide- book, like old Badger in the for'rard cabin who's writing a book, but there's more than three hundred pages of it. Oh, / don't think a journal's any use — do you ? They're only a bother, aint they ?" ** Yes, a journal that is incomplete isn't of much use, but a journal properly kept is worth a thousand dollars — when you've got it done." "A thousand 1 — ^well I should think so. / wouldn't finish it for a million." His experience was only the experience of the majority of that industrious night-school in the cabin. If you wish to inflict a heartless and malignant punishment upon a young person, pledge him to keep a journal a year. A good many expedients were resorted to to keep the excursionists amused and satisfied. A club was formed, of all the passengers, which met in the writing-school after prayers and read aloud about the countries we were approaching, and discussed the information so obtained. Several times the photographer of the expedition brought out his transparent pictures and gave us a hand- some magic lantern exhibition. His views were nearly all DANCING UNDER DIFFICULTIES. n't no slouch of foreign scenes, but there were one or two home pictures among them. He advertised that he would '' open his performance in the after-cabin at Hwo bells' (9 P.M.), and show the passengers where they shall eventually arrive" — which was all very well, but by a funny accident the first picture that flamed out upon the canvas was a view of Greenwood Cemetery 1 On several starlight nights we danced on the upper deck, under the awnings, and made something of a ball-room display of brilliancy by hanging a number of ship's lanterns to the stanchions. Our music consisted of the well-mixed strains of a melodeon which was a little asthmatic and apt to catch its breath where it ought to come out strong ; a clarinet which was a little unreliable on the high keys and rather melancholy on the low ones ; and a disreputable accordion that had a leak somewhere and breathed louder than it squawked — a more elegant term does not occur to me just now. However, the dancing was infinitely worse than the music. When the ship rolled to starboard the whole platoon of dancers came charging down to starboard with it, and brought up in mass at the rail ; and when it rolled to port, they went floundering down to port with the same unanimity of sentiment. Waltzers spun around precariously for a matter of fifteen seconds, and then went skurrying down to the rail as if they meant to go over- board. The Virginia reel, as performed on board the Quaker City, had more genuine reel about it than any reel 1 ever saw before, and was as full of interest to the spec- tator as it was full of desperate chances and hairbreadth escapes to the participant. We gave up dancing, finally. We celebrated a lady's birthday anniversary with toasts, speeches, a poem, and so forth. We also had a mock trial. No ship ever went to sea that hadn't a mock trial on board. The purser was accused of stealing an overcoat from state- room No. 10. A judge was appointed ; also clerks, a crier of the court, constables, sheriffs; counsel for the State and for the defendant ; witnesses were subpoenaed, and a jury empanelled aft^r much challenging. The witnesses were Stupid, and unreliable and contradictory, as witnesses always are. The counsel were eloquent, argumentative, A. 28 THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. ti' f and vindictively abusive of each other, an waR characteristic and proper. The case was nt last submitted, and duly finished by the judge with an absurd decision and a ridi- culous sentence. The acting of charades was tried, on several evenings, by the young gentlemen and ladies in the cabins, and proved the most distinguished success of all the amutjement experiments. An attempt was made to organize a debating club, but it was a failure. There was no oratorical talent in the ship. We all enjoyed ourselves — I think I can safely say that • — ^but it was in a rather quiet way. We very, very seldoni played the piano; we played the flute and the oloiiiiot together, and made good music, too, what there wao of ic, but wo always played the same old tune; it wpr very pretty tune — how well I remember it — I wonder ivheu I shall ever get rid of it. We never played either the melodeon or the organ, except at devotionfc! — but I am too fast : young Albert did kno\y part of a tune — something about " Something-or-Otber How Sweet it is to Know that he's his What's-his-Name" (I do not remember the exact title of it, but it was very plaintive, and full of sentiment) ; Albert played that pretty much all the time, until we contractoei with him to restrain himself. But nobody ever snng by moonlight on the upper deck, and the congregational singing at church and prayers was not of a superior order of architecture. I put up with it as long as I could, jpind then joined in and tried to improve it, but this encouraged young George to join in too, and that made a failure of it : because George's voice was just " turning," and when he was,singing a dismal sort of base, it was apt to fly off the handle i.d startle everybody with a most dip^rordant cackle oi' m^ ^PF ^tes. George didn't know the tunes, €.'Hi^;, \.iiich waaalso a drawback to his performance. I said : "Come, now, George, dorCt improvise. It looks too ^tistical. It will provoke remark. Just stick to * Core- icMon,' like the others. It is a good tune — you can't i:-'|>for ' it ar^," just off-hand, in this way. URUMBLKRi^, 20 " Why I'm not trying to improve it — and I ut>ibinging liko tho others — ^just as it is in the notes." And ho honestly thoup;ht ho was, too ; and so ho hacT no one to blame but hiioHolf when his voice caught <»n the centre ocoaHioiially •\u ?«y CHAPTER V. TAKING it " by and large," as the sailors say, we had a pleasant ten days' run from New York to the Azores islands — not a fast run, for the distance is only twenty - four hundred miles — but a right pleasant one in the main. True, we had head-winds all the time, and several stormy experiences which sent fifty per cent, of the passengers to bed, sick, and made the ship look dismal and deserted — stormy experiences that all will remember who weathered THE INNOCENTS ABROAD. M A : 1 ., i. them on the tumbling dock, and caught the vast sheets of spray that every now and then sprang high in the air from the weather bow and swept the ship like a thnnder- shower; but for the most part, we had balmy summer weather, and nights that were even finer than the days. We had the phenomenon of a full moon located just in the same spot in the heavens at the same hour Qv&ty night. The reason of this singular conduct on the part of the moon did not occur to us at first, but it did after- wards, when we reflected that we we^:e gaining about twenty minutes every day, because we were going east so fast — we gained just about enough every day to keep along with the moon. It was becoming an old moon to the friends we had left behind us, but to us Joshuas it stood still in the same place, and remained always the same. Young Mr. Blucher, who is from the Far West, and is on his first voyage, was a good deal worried by the con- stantly changing " ship-time." He was proud of his new watch at first, and used to drag it out promptly when eight bells struck at noon, but he came to look after a while as if he were losing confidence in it. Seven days out from New York he came on deck, and said with great decision * " This thing's a swindle !" ** What's a swindle ?" " Why, this watch. I bought her out in Illinois — ^gave SI 50 for her — and I thought she was good. And, by George, she is good on shore, but somehow she don't keep up her lick here on the water — ^gets sea-sick, may be. She skips ; she runs along regular enough till half-past eleven, and then, all of a sudden, she lets down. I've set that old regulator up faster and faster, till I've shoved it clear around, but it don't do any good ; she just distances every watch in the ship, and clatters along in a way that's as- tonishing till it is noon, but then eight bells always gets in about ten minutes ahead of her any way. I don't know what to do with her now. She's doing all she can — she's going her best gait, but it wont save her. Now, don't you know, there ain't a watch in the ship that's jnaking better time than she is, but what does it signify ? ~: