^ ^' IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) ^~ 1.0 If*^ is^ I.I 1.25 1^ 1^ III 2.2 2.0 lU 1.8 U IIIIII.6 ^ ^ 7 > '>> 7 -^ CIHM/ICMH Microfiche Series. CIHM/ICMH Collection de microfiches. Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions Institut Canadian de microreproductions historiques 1980 Technical Notes / Notes techniques The Institute has attempted to obtain the best original copy available for filming. Physical features of this copy which may alter any of the images in the reproduction are checked below. L'Institut a microfilm^ le meilleur exemplaire qii'il lui a 6t6 possible de se procurer. Certains ddfauts susceptibles de nuire d la qualit6 de la reproduction sont not6s ci-dessous. 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Tha following diagranr.s illustrate the method: Les cartes ou les planches trop grandes pour dtre : produites en un seul clichd sont filmdes d partir de Tangle supdrieure gauche, de gauche d droite et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images ndcessaire. Le diagramme suivant illustre la mdthode : 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 THE DISAPPOINTED WOI.VKS— IN UOVAL ],UCK. (See pa^c 15.) HAIRBREADTH ESSAPES OF MAJOR MENDAX. BY 'H,: FRANCIS BLAKE CROFTON. K.S PERILOUS ENCOUNTERS, STARTLING ADVENTURES, AND DARINO .EXPLOITS WITH INDIANS, CANNinALS, WILD BEASTS, SERPENTS, BALLOONS, GEYSERS, ETC., ETC, ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH, AND ABOVE THE CLOUDS. A PERSONAL NARRATIVE. (The Book for Boys.) WITH SPIRITED ILLUSTRATIONS BY BENNETT. A. & W. Magkinlay, Publishei^s, HALIFAX, N. S. Entered according to Act of the Parliament of Canada, in the year 1889, By F. Blake Crofton, At the Department of Agriculture. CONTENTS. In Suspense I. PAGE. '3 Up the Spout II. i6 Saved by the ^nemy III. «2 The Major on "the Giraffe IV. - 26 Finding the Magnetic Polk V. 29 A Vacillating Bear VI. 34 A Lion to the Rescue VIL 3» CONTA'M'S. A LiTTLK Gamk, ok Bluff Vlll. IX. A ]\IusicAL Tyrant A Lekk for ihr .Major 'I'liK Stiff Xkcks Sketching a Tartar X XI. XII. I'AGE. - 42 45 47 51 57 lii Passing (^n The Prophecy A Poor Imitation Xill. XIV. XV. 62 64 69 ■ The Grateful Cat A. Selfish Little Nigger \ Bovine Innovator XVI. XVII. XVIII. 71 74 78 COXTA'XTS. Misguided hy Experience XIX. I'ACK. 84 XX. A\ Endless Chase A Derivation or Two How HE GOT HIS RaNK XXI. XXII. 87 89 The Bottle Insurance Company The Major's Bridge XX 1 11. XXIV. 93 98 Denounced by his Parroi An Agreeable Surprise XXV. XXVI. 103 106 An Ill-requited Camel XXVII. [08 My own Bugbear XXVIII. 112 The "Porcupines" - XXIX. 116 8 COXTEXTS. XXX. PACK. A Useful Knot iiy ;xxi. A Bridc.I': UK Siuiis 122 XXXI I. Caught nv thk ("AXNin.vLs 126 XXXI u. The Ashus 129 XXXIV '''hased by a Hooi'-Snakk 131 XXXV. A Fire-Balloox 133 XXXVI. A Pair of Bright Kyes 137 XXXV 11. Trkasurf. Trove - 140 XXXVI 1 1. An Unixvi'/ed Balloonist 146 XXXIX. A Two-Legged Steed 150 XL. Ho>v TO Lie 157 C()X/7:\7'S. KisiiiN(; I'OK \ \aos A Casti.k i\ iiik Air - < )t l< ("lIKOMO Hkroks ai Hav I'hk Moncosling SlDK fsK OF MkDICINK Ay Over-charge of Powder r.REEDv Jack : or, the Eater Iv XLI. XM[. XI. III. XI.IV. XI.\' XI.VI. XLVll. XI.VI [I. 9 PAGE. l6l i6i> ATEK A ErG Blow Paudee and THE Great Serpen XLIX. L. T - LI. Extremes Meet 179 182 186 190 195 198 200 if 1! lO coxTiJxrs, l'A( i K. I, II. 'Ihk ICxriNtT (?) MoA 204 I. III. Skk-saw i\ an I'.I.KIMIANT I'll 209 T.IV. Thk Major as a Pokt 211 LV. Hid in his Hidk 214 LVI. Thk Catapult Snakk 2l(; LVI I. A MrSUNnF.RSTANDINa 222 LVIII. Matrrnal Lovp: 226 LIX. Thk " Howis Datkorhi" 231 LX. A Grkkn IV'^^n and a " Grekn Beast"' 233 LXI. The Bye-bye - 235 ILLUSTRATIONS. I'AC.K. I'hk Disappoiktkd Wor.VES (Fron/ispiire) Down thk Maki.strom and Up the Water-Spout ----- i(^ Departing for the Magnetic Polk - - - - - - - -31 A HiDEOLs Surprise — Hair on End -> - -*- - - - 55 Wringing King Pip's Xosb -----jy Interviewing thti: Frigmtened ])arkey ------- 75 The Major's Suspension Bridge --------- ioi A Dilemma — Stings Above, or Jaws Below - - - - - - 123 XT ' ^^ -Nip and Tuck — The Two-Legged Steed 155 siiui I if!!! ! 12 /A/.r.S7/vM77CAV.y. A MlRDKROrS iNTRKiUE L'PSET 17. /O Savkd by Seidutk PcnvDrKs — Br.owiNi; ii' rin; Liox 187 TnK (]rkki)y Sailor — Smotukkkd r\ (iKrr:r, 193 Extremes Meet — A Makvellois Deliverance 201 Out of His Hide — A Startling Development 21' Maternal Love 229 HAIRBREADTH ESCAPES OF MAJOR MENDAX IN SUSPENSE. IT is hard to believe," said Bill, looking up from his " Travels in Iceland," " that a hot spring can be teased into spouting before Its regular time by throwing in big stones or pieces of turf. Is it true, uncle, what this book says of the Strokkr Geyser? " I^ cannot vouch," said the Major, «' for another traveler's tale. But it happens that I am able to answer at least for iY^ possibility of that particular phenomenon, which, by the way, I have never heard doubted before. A pack of wolves once pursued me out in Dakota. They were gaunt and hungry, as the wolves that chase travelers commonly are. I shot one of the sleigh horses and cut the traces, as travelers in such circumstances commonly do. Then I shot the other also. The sleigh stopped. In my excitement I had overlooked the likelihood of this. A dim hope, that my gift of a horse more than they could have expected me to give might make me popular among the wolves, soon died out. I found myself really as much mistaken as tlie obnoxious Irish landlord who fancied he might prudently venture 'T^^mmm 14 //V SUSPENSE. n ' mil back among the tenantry again, when they had bagged the second younger brother whom he had left behind to act (and be acted upon) in his stead. The ungrateful wolves rushed on me from every side, their jaws snapping Hke steel t'-aps. Firing my revolver promiscuously, 1 made for a queer k)oking hole that 1 saw close by. Narrow passes, 1 knew, had sometmies been made good against incredible numbers. I thought oi Thermopylas, and resolved at any rate to die game. If I did get nito the hole m a decided hurry it was the hurry of a soldier eager to anticipate the enemy in occupying an important strategic point Down I fell perpendicularly — how many yards I cannot guess — until the passage became rounder and narrower, enabling me to catch a rocky ledge on either side with my hands and to plant my feet in a little crevice below. Thus firmly braced, I acted as a prop to a number of v.'olves that were forced into the chasm by the pressure of their companions on the surface of the prairie. The two next to me had caught each other in the dark and locked their jaws, fortunately for me. Still I did not exactly view them as agreeable neighbors ; so I withdiew my right hand from the ledge it rested on, and shrank beneath the left hand ledge, which was the broader of the two. Their prop thus removed, the wolves fell down, one by one and two by two, until I could see daylight above me. They struggled hard to stop themselves, and I could hear their hopeless howls far underneath, mingled with the plashing of water. This latter sound which apparently commenced after the first wolf had fallen past me, grew louder and louder every moment. I readied my right hand out and grasped the opposite ledge, and peered down into the abvss to see what was the matter. In a moment I was struck by a rising stream of hot water and shot up to the open air, high above the mouth of the chasm. To my surprise I did not IN SrSPL'XSL. \-G:Q\ fall to the ground, but continued spinning around on the apex of the huge fountain, like a barrel revolving on the toe of a gymnast in the •ft circus. An instant's reflection — for I revolved mentally while I revolved bodily on the spout — explained the situation. I had often seen a ball dancing for hours on the jet of a fountain, and I was passively per- forming the same feat. To make myself more like a ball I grasped my feet with my hands, for my life depended upon the geyser's con- tinuing to keep me up, as I was still surrounded by wolves. After spinning some minutes I grew less afraid of falling. Look- ing around from my high station, I began to pity the wolves. Every now and then a plaintive howl rose from them. It may have been a lament that the earth had usurped the tra.'.ilional rights of the pack and swallowed their departed brethren ; bi ': 1 fancied it expressed a sentiment more immediately connected with myself. It seemed to say " Alas ! so near, and yet so far ! " l soon found myself quite entering into the feelings of the beasts — which I much preferred to entering into their mouths. They were cold and hungry, and I was warm and comfortable, for the water of this geyser was just pleas- antly hot. Then my turning aruuid and bobbing up and down must have seemed a sort of mockery to them. And they must have ex- perienced perpetual disappointments, expecting me to tumble down every second moment, for in all probability they had never before seen a ball supported by a jet of water. After some ours the tantalized wolves were driven awa\- b\- a tribe of Indians who '^re passing by on the war-path. The savages forgot their wonted stu-control and gazed with unconcealed amaze- ment at my performance on the spout. At last 1 stretched myself and managed to wriggle off it and fall feet foremost to the ground. I found myself venerated as a great magician, and was at once ap- pointed head medicine-man to the tribe. I spent some weeks with T(^ UP THE SPOUT. thcin. under the unchristian name of ' Humming-top ' and indeed 1 felt just like one for the first half of the time. I did not know there was any geyser in Dakota," said Bill. Nor did I, said the Major, till then. Fat Bear, my kind host, told me this one only played once in a generation or so. It was proh:ib]y roused into activity before its time by the fall of the wolves. Now you know why I think your Icelandic story possible — that a geyser may be made to spout prematurely by throwing things into it I m II. UP TFIK Sl'OUT. 11 WHAT a spout; " murmured Little Bob reflectively. Waterspout, did you say ? askea the Major, looking up from his newspaper. " No," said Bob ; " I was thinking wliat a spout that one in Dakota was.'' Please excuse me, said the Major; I really had no notion of making a silly pun ; but the slightest thing always does remind mc of waterspouts ever since that awful day when I was down in the Maelstrom. Down in the Maelstrom, exclamied both bovs. " Down in the Maelstrom," repeated the Major, fjuietly and dis- tinctly. I felt a natural curiosity to explore that whirlpool. Be- sides, I thought that Poe's description of its interior needed to be verified by some thoroughly reliable person. So 1 availed myself of UP THE SPOUT. 17 a friend's offer, and went with liim in his yacht to see the mi '"-4kerchief out of my pocket— not an instant too soon, for the qui-ksand was beginning to ingulf my coatr 24 s. 117:7) lii' /•/!/■: i:.\7:m}- ffl'l' Ml taih I waved the hated color uj) and down. The bull, already furious at my shouting, lloun jed into the river and swam straight at nie. I had now sunk to my waist, and I calculated that before he rould reach me, a few more inches of my body would have vanished ^^^e liorrid luke-warm mud. lie would, then, just have time to })ut }.' horns under my armc ; and this, indeed, would be his only way to have a good, satisfactory toss. He ought to be able to take true aim, because I eguld not possibly shrink; and I was glad to see that the points uf his horns were about the width of my arm-pitb apart. When he came out of the water, I held my arms a little from my sides, as indeed I had to do to prevent my elbows entering the quick- sand. This posture of my arms, I thoaght, would give him every chance to get his horns under them ; while to raise them higher would expose them to almost certain dislocation, even if the beast should kindly prefer tossing to goring me. As he was floundering over the dozen feet of quicksand that separated me from the water's edge, I had my* eyes shut, and felt like little Tell when his papa was aiming at the ajjple on his head. The beast struck me as I hoj^ed, the tips of his horns passing under and out behind my arm-pits, without even tearing my clothes. But his horns were not quite so w^ide apart towards their roots, and they painfully compressed my upper ribs in front. Yet this was prob- ably the saving of me, for, if the whole strain had fallen on my arms alone, it would probably have wrenched them from their sockets. As it was, you may guess that the neck muscles of an angry buffalo could not jerk three quarters of a -man's body out of a very tenacious giicksand in a second without nearly splitting him in two. But luckily J :ame up whole. From a buffalo's point of view the toss was far from a success. SA VI'W ///' 7/li: KXKM]'. With all his vast iiuiscular exertion he only just threw me over liis shoulders and on i') his own back. This effort, added to his greater weieht and the comparative sniallness of his feet, had of course made him sink much more rapidly than 1 had done. When I lit on his back, his fore legs were covered and his hind legs nearly so, and in a few moments his body was as steady as a log. It would have been pleas inter for both parties had he been able to pitch me right into the river. As it was, six feet or so of treacherous sand lay between his JMnd-quarters and the water's edge. I hastily walked along his .do\vly sinking carcass, balanced myself for a spring, and barely cleared the intervening mud, flopping flat on the surface of the stream in a pose which nearly took my breath away, and would have shocked any professor of calisthenics. As I came in sight of the wagons I saw my two companions re- turning from their hunting. To my honor they instantly covered me with their rifles, with the eagerness of naturalists about to bag a new specimen. You see I had lost my hat and gun, and was wetter and dirtier and a good deal taller than my old self. " Taller, Uncle ? " cried little Bob, opening his eyes unusually wide, '' How was that.? " Why ; owing to the way my ribs and joints were stretched in that tug between the buffalo and the quicksand, of course. No wonder the fellows couldn't guess who or what I was. I had to reason with them several minutes, and to ask after their brothers and sisters, before I could convinc " them that I was not some sort of a jrorilln or cannibal who had got inside my clothes and outside myself. ■HB 26 THE MAJOR OX ''THE GIRAFFE. IV. 1! I i.|! THK MAJOR ON "THE GIRAFFE. IT AVE you seen my new book, Uncle?" said little Bob, one A evening. " I've won the prize in composition." Bravo ! said the Major, looking at the book ; that's more than your uncle ever did. Did you ever try } " asked Bob. Once, said the Major, going over and taking an old paper out of his desk. Here is the very essay. It was my earliest effort, added he, gazing fondly at it. " Let us see it," cried Bill, laying hands upon the product!':>n, and beginning to read : THE GIRAFFE. No wonder the toper in the play sighed for a giraffe's neck, or that Mr. Smith, when he saw the animal in the Park, should have ex- claimed, " Imasrme two yards of sore throat ! " The pains and pleasures of the camelopard are, indeed, intense be- yond the ordinary lot. When he reaches a spring after a weary pil- grimage in the desert, he enjoys himself hugely. The water gurgles refreshingly down six feet of neck hose, making a minature cataract. He has been seen to smile a minute or two after swallowing a pecul- iarly nice plantain, like a Scotchman laughing at a joke five minutes after its utterance. The pleasant morsel seems to grow sweeter as it goes downi, and when it comes to the last few feet of windpipe, the THE iMAfOR ON ''THE GIRAFFE." 27 animal's keen enjoyment overcomes his sense of decorum at meals, and he breaks into a chuckle. On the other hand, wlien a disappointed giraffe gulps down his bitterness at the triumpli of a favored rival, the convulsive spasm ripples painfully down till it reaches the uttermost end of his throat. The death-rattle in the throat of a departing camelopard is like a whole orchestra out of tune. The song of the giraffe once heard is never forgotten. It probably suggested to the poet the exquisite idea of " linked sweetness long drawn out." To see an unrepining giraffe swallowing bitter almonds which he has mistaken for sweet ou'js, and attempting to cover his distress, is a spectacle of patience and long-suffering, piteous as it is sublime. In running matches a giraffe can always beat a horse of exactly equal speed. At the winning post he has merely to stretch out his head a few yards and win by a neck. A lion can get better time out of a giraffe than the most skilful jockey. The lazy and voluptuous monarch of the Nevva-washees, who does not conceal his dislike for uncooked Baptist missionaries, fords the swollen Niger in a palankeen suspended from the horns of two do- mestic camelopards, and thus preserves his sacred person from con- tact with the wate'.'. It has not yet been settled by naturalists whether a giraffe, getting out of his depth, would swim with his neck as an eel, or with his legs like another quadruped. No giraffe has ever been seen out of his depth since the Flood. It is not expensive to keep a tame camelopard. If you fence in a narrow walk for him around the boundaries of your property, he will graze upon the neighbors' trees and flowers. On a nutting expedi-' tion a well-educated giraffe is more useful than a crook. They have not yet been utilized as fire-escapes in this country. A can^.elopp.rJ never bows to acquaintances. He thinks it would { : ins :;!ill ■III till! 28 THE MAJOR ON " THI-: d/RAFFE." be lowering himself too much. A reader of character, judging from ihe expression of his neck, would suppose that he was also of a far- reaching disposition. But he is really an amiable beast, and lets in- fants call him " Neck-neck " without resenting the familiarity. It is we)l this is so, for a stiff-necked and unbending giraffe would be a saa affliction to any menagerie. He would necessitate new doors in every tent or building where he was exhibited. The innocent char- acter of this animal has needlessly puzzled zoologists. His good morals are plainly owing to the fact that the rest of his body is more under control of the head than is the case with any other quadruped. Indeed, he is the only four-footed beast whose head has proper facili- ties for biting every rebellious member, and whose • ^islative depart- ment is backed by suitable executive power. *#**♦*#* " Why didn't they give you the prize. Uncle } " asked little Bob, when the reading was over. The virtuous examiner, answered the Major, thought the essay too fanciful, and so, on moral grounds, he gave the premium to an- other boy, who had " cribbed " his truthful essay from Buffon. FINDING THE MAGNETIC POLE. 29 V. FINDING THE MAGNETIC POLE. I SHOULD like to have your yachting Iriend's account of that waterspout affair," remarked Bill. " I'd like to know what he took you for as you were coming down— an angel, or a merman, or a whirling dervish } " Your curiosity can never be gratified, and your flippancy grieves me, said the Major with emotion. Poor Browne is dead. He died (or more strictly he departed) on that same voyage, a martyr to science. After my descent of the Maelstrom we sailed into the Polar seas to try and find the North Pole or the Magnetic Pole, whichever came first. I had an idea of my own about the correct principle on which to search for the latter. Wishing to keep my idea to myself, I had a couple of large magnets sewn into the lining of my fur coat. Of course I was prepared, when I should feel the attraction growing too strong, to take off the coat and, fastening it to the mast by a rope, to let it fly forwards as a guide, and partial motor, to the Magnetic Pole. It was a wonderfully open season in the Polar seas, and we had got safely up into the eighties when one day we were alarmed by a strange variation of the compass. The magnetic needle, which in the mornmg had been pointing at N. N. W., went rapidly round till It pointed almost due West. The Magnetic Pole was apparently on our starboard beam. This at least being my conclusion when the officer of the watch 30 FIXDIXG THK MAGNETIC POLE. Ill 1 i i ;ii :illil ii;j called my attention to the phenomenon. I ran to get my fur coat, which I had not worn that day owing to a singularly warm southern breeze. The garment was not in my berth, and I could not find it anywhere below. While I was lookinfj: for it the sound of laughter called me on deck, fully prepared for some nonsense on Browne's part. Poor fellow, he was too much given to fooling, and used to ask me once or twice a day whether the waters of the Maelstrom were intoxicating. There he was, sure enough, dressed in my overcoat, })acing up and down and imitating my meditative walk. The yacht had already been headed westward, in the pi-esumed direction of the IVIao^nctic Pole. I noticed that Browne seenied to feel increasing diflficulty, eacli time he turned, in walkhig aft. This could not be owing to the wind, which was blowing on the beam. It must be the magnets, it struck me all at once. '"Take care!' I shouted, as Browne rushing forwards caught wildly at the jib-boom. ' There are mag " I was too late, the attraction was resistless now. Though he man- aged to catch the boom with one hand, this only stayed his fate for a moment. In another second he was soaring into the air in front of the vessel. His skylarking in jest had ended in his skylarking in earnest. While I was gazing after my friend, the master succeeded in put- ting the yacht about with some difficulty. Fortunately for us there was no magnetized iron on board, except the needles of the com- passes ; and these iiew of¥ their fixings and made violent efforts to escape. But how is it that Mr. Browne went up in the air — one would have fancied he would have been dragged along the surface of the water or the ice ?" said Bill. One would havc'fancied so, and one would have fancied wrong, ^1 DKI'ARTINU F(»» TIIK MAONKTIO POI.E. rA) 'y M m III ! m Sill i I i il I »ii FIXDIXG THE MAGNETIC POLE. 33 for he left i,s like a bird, moving a little upwards if anythin.e bottom of the Pole. " But the Magnetic Pole isn't a pole at all !" cried Bill. Isn't it ? " said Major Mendax, " Were you ever there ? " •' No," said Bill ; " nor were you." Well, not exactly," said the Major; '« but you see I had a friend who was. i'lcuu I often lie awake at night and mnse upon the unsolved problems o Browne s fa e. Whether he reached the Pole alive; whether he p anted on ,t the British flag that he carried in his pocket or tie fooTtifflffh'" ""/ '^"'■'■"'' '" "y P^^'^'^'^ whether he froz too St ff fo the use of prudent white bears that have only their teeth and claws to depend on for their living; whether he is balanced by l.e two magnets on the top of the Pole ; or vhether he stands forth honzontally at nght angles to it. on account of the nails in his boot nd the,r suscepfb.hty to attraction-these are speculations of et t.anc>ng merest to n,e, knowing him as no one else ever did know him n,s destiny as the discoverer or rediscoverer of the North Ma^^netic ju t^idJe": s T' 'T' '"'■ '''' ^°™^ °^ ^ '■»-'^' <^'-d s he s Pf T P ,"■- "T "'' ''''"" ^'' ^°'^^ ^^^"^'^^d "^ trough he sti. , crisp Polar air. He may have felt but he resisted the temptation to exclaim ' Excelsior 1 ■ He d!^°nn/°-?V''' V *'' ^'''' ^^ "'"^ ■• ^"^ I understood him. He did not wish to go down to posterity as an ordinary Brown. I'.j iil 34 A VACILLATING BEAR. VI. A VACILLATIN^r BEAR. " /'^H, uncle, you must tell us some stones!" cried little Bob, \J running over from grandmamm.a's corner; "grandmamma says you used to tell such stories before you went to Africa, and she's afraid you'll tell more than ever now. I don't see why African stories should frighten her — / love them." My child, I never tell stories, said the Major. " One," whispered grandmamma. But, resumed the Major, if you are good boys and don't interrupt, I might tell you a few events of a highly moral kind. " Two," whispered grandmamma. These adventures, continued the Major, in his dignified manner teach that " necessity is the mother of invention," that you should " never say die," and sundry other morals. Most of them are ex- periences of my own. " Three," whispered grandmamma. One at a time is all I can manage— you mustn't bother me for more, bovs. " All serene," said bumptious Bill ; " out with Number One." A VACILLATING DEAR. 35 One morning, began the Major, my negro gardener came to me in great alarm and stated that his twin sons, Mango and Chango, had taken out his gun that morning, and had been missing ever since. I at once loaded my rifle, loosed my Cuban blood-hound, and followed the man to his hut. There I put the dog upon the children's scent, following on horseback myself. It turned out that the young scamps had gone on the trail of a large bear, though they were only thirteen years old, and their father had often warned them not to meddle with wild beasts. They began their adventure by hunting the bear, but ended, as often happens, in being hunted by the bear: for Bruin had turned upon them, and chased them so hard that they were fain to drop the gun and take to a tree. It was a sycamore of peculiar shape, sending forth from its stem many small, but only two large, branches. These two were some thirty feet from the ground, and stretched almost horizontally in opposite directions. They were as like each other as the twin brothers themselves. Chango took refuge on one of these, Mango on the other. The bear hugged the tree till he had climbed as far as the fork. There he hesitated an instant, and then began to creep along the branch which supported Chango. The beast advanced slowly and gingerly, sinking his claws into the bark at every step, and not depending too much upon his balancing powers. Chango's position was now far from pleasant. It was useless to play the trick — well known to bear-hunters — of enticing the animal out to a point where the branch would yield beneath its great weight, for there was no higher branch within Chango's reach, by catching which he could save himself from a deadly fall. Three more steps, and the bear would be upon him or he would be upon the ground. Brave as the boy was, his t^eth chattered. 36 A VAC/LLAT/XG BEAR. !l At this moment Mango, nerved to heroism by his brother's peril, moved rapidly from the opposite limb of the tree. Stepping behind the bear, he grasped with one hand a small higher bough, which extended to where he stood, but not to where his brother lay ; with the other hand he seized the animal firmly by its stumpy tail. The bear turned to punish his rash assailant; but, angry as he was, he turned cautiously. It was no easy task to right-about-face on a branch which had already begun to tremble and sway beneath his weight. Chango was saved, for the bear evidently had transferred his animosity to Mango, whom he pursued, step by step, towards the extremity of the other limb. But Chango was not the boy to leave his brother and rescuer in the lurch. Waiting until the enraged brute was well embarked upon Mango's branch, he pulled its tail, as he had seen his brother do before. Again Bruin turned awkwardly, and resumed the interrupted chase of Chango. The twins continued their tactics with success. Whenever the bear was well advanced on one limb and dangerously close to one twin, the other twin would sally from the other limb and pull the beast's tail. The silly animal always would yield to his latest im- pulse of wrath, and suffer himself to be diverted from the enemy % who was almost in his clutches. After two hours of disappointment he recognized his mistake. He was now, for the tenth time, on Chango's branch, and very near Chango. In vain Mango dragged at his hinder extremity : he kept grimly on till Mango, forced to choose between letting go the brute's tail or the higher branch which alone enabled him to keep his feet, le^ go the former. Chango could now retreat no further, and he was hardly a y^rd beyond the bear's reach. The branch was swaying more than ever, and the beast seemed quite aware that he might tax its strength too '.(' ■'•I 'i A VACILLATING BEAR. 11 far. After a pause, he advanced one of his fore-feet a quarter of a yard. To increase the bear's difficulty in seizing him, the terrified boy let himself down and swung with his hands from the bough. He was hanging in suspense between two frightful deaths. His heart was sinking, his fingers were relaxing. Then the deep baying of a hound struck his ear, and his hands again closed firmly on the branch. In a moment a blood-hound and a horseman sprang through the underwood. Chango held on like grim death — held on till he heard the sharp report of a rifie ringing through the air ; held on till the falling carcass of the bear passed before his eyes ; held on till I had climbed the tree crawled along the branch, and grasped his weaned wrists. If that bear only had understood ii. time that a boy in the hand is worth two in the bush, he might have lengthened his days and gone down with honor to the grave. " But, uncle," observed Bill, " my Natural History says that there is only a single representative of the bear family in all Africa, and it in- habits the Attas Mountains, and is scarce there." I never said I met more than one member of the family, did I ? said the Major. And I don't wonder these bears are dying off, either, if they are all equally wanting in decision of character. 38 A LION TO THE RESCUE. VII. A LION TO THE RESCUE. !H I HAD adopted a little orphaned lion, and we grew to be quite fond of each other. In the freshness ru.d fervor of youth, when one is most easily thrilled by poetry and hope, I had been deeply moved by the noble rhyme : " If I had a donkey what wouldn't go. Wouldn't I wallop it ? Oh, no ! no I " Acting on this merciful sentiment, I never walloped a vicious bull- dog, like Emily Bronte ; nor pitch-forked a bull, like certain big, bold boys that I knew; nor forced reluctant bears to stand on their hind legs and dance, as wandering Italians do. And I carried out the same benevolent principle in the education of my lion. While he was a cub, he was so funny and playful that I never thought of correcting him at all. When he grew up, I was even more gentle with him, for I shrank from lowering the self-respect of a full-grown lion, unused to confinement or restraint, by inflicting the disgrace of a whipping upon him. The affection of the lion fully repaid me for this forbearance of mine. " Li," for I always called him by this short name, would let me pull his mane and ride on his back, would eat out of my hand, and give me his paw at the command, *' Shake hands." He accom- panied me on my walks, and, when I went on my longer expeditions A LION TO THE RESCUE. 39 he would go out day after day in the hope of meeting me returning, and be sulky and restless all the time I was away. <\\ more than one occasion he proved a valuable ally to me. Li was on the best of terms with my horses and dogs. He did not indeed allow too much familiarity on the part of the latter, and once, when a bloodhound rashly seized a bone that he had dropped, he stunned the robber with a blow of his tail. When Li was just four years old, I made a short journey into the interior to trade with a chief who had captured a large lot of ostrich feathers. As his character for honesty was not satisfactory, I thousfht I would bargain that he should send the feathers and be paid on delivery. By this plan I fancied I would secure, not only the goods, but also my own safety, for he could get po pay before my return home. I v;ent accordingly without money, wagons or attendants, mounted on a horse of most remarkable strength and speed. But the chief had sold his feathers before my arrival, and, seeing no profit in lp;tting me go home, he treacherously dragged me from my horse, as he was handing me some water in a cocoa-nut. In a moment I was overpowered and bound by his attendants. In vain I appealed to his better nature, reminding him that I had never done him any harm; in vain I tried to arouse his covetous- ness by promising him a splendid ransom. Unhappily I was par- ticulaily fat just then, and he had once tasted missionary. It was past noon and I was respited to the evening, for the chief had dined. Even if I could manage to cut my cords, I had no earthly chance of escape, for my horse had galloped away when I was seized. This action of the trusty and intelligent animal sur- prised as well as disappointed me, for one night, when he had been scared by a leopard and had broken his tether, he had come back to my camp-fire in the morning, to carry his master home. 40 A LION TO THE RESCUE. 1 1 1 i 1 • II i ! \ .:■:; r 1 ! \ '■ • ■ i 1 h i: 1 : ■■ Evening came, and I was tied horizontally to two stakes and laid upon a pile of fire-wood, which women and children were industri- ously increasing every moment. The chief, with his wives and invited guests, was lying on a slope close by me. I heard one young woman smack her lips expectantly. Was she longing to kiss me, or to eat me ? Ihe thought was seemingly a strange one in my circumstances. But I had attained the calmness of despair. I had forgiven all my enemies and nearly all my false friends. At last the chief gave the signal to light the fire. But a new actor now came upon the scene. My faithful horse appeared at the head of the slope, and came down like a tornado into the assembly, wi^/i something on his back. In another second an angry lion bounded a dozen feet over the head of the galloping horse, into the very midst of the cannibals. One roar burst from his distended jaws, and it was the sweetest music I had ever heard. It was not a long roar for my Li wasted no time in noise. With one paw he brained the treacherous chief ; with a sweep of his tail he floored his three nearest wives ; while at the same moment he snapt off the head of the young lady who had been smacking her lips in such an unpleasant manner. Then he indulged in a long and thunderous roar, which knocked down all the tribe that remained standing, and put most of them into fits. He did the business pretty thoroughly, did my Li. Presently he came and tore the cords that bound me, and licked my hands and face. He took a little skin off in his excitement, but I forgave him. Li had evidently been on the look-out for me as usual, and had met my returning horse half-way. The two intelligent animals then exchanged ideas, and decided on a charge of cavalry as the fastest means of rescuing me. " What became of the lion afterwards ? " asked Bob. ' 'hi A LION TO THE RESCUE, 41 My poor Li died on the spot, answered the Major with emotion ; a cannibal's head stuck in his throat, " Slowly and sadly I laid him down, From the field of his fame fresh and gory ; I carved not a I'ne and I raised not a stone, But I leit him alone in his glory." Though the cannibals had not the slightest appetite remaining now, I thought it only prudent to ride off at once. But in a few days I returned with a party, and covered his grave with sods. We marked the spot with a headstone bearing the words, " Here Lies Li." There being a spring there, we contrived to make a little fountain, to keep the grass green and mark the place. " Where is it t " asked Bill. " I might like to visit it when I go to Africa." Ah, would you ? Well, it is between Mc-rocco and Timbuctoo, inclined a little towards the sea. The fountain will guide you, and you cannot mistake the place when you get there. The last time I made a pilgrimage to it, I found a nest of centipedes under the headstone and a leopard's den at the foot of the mound, while a lonely viper was creeping mourniully over the grass. It is easy enough to identify the spot ; but the visiting of shrines in Africa has its drawbacks. And now, my dear boy, added the Major, if you ever feel a mean temptation to poke wild beasts with sticks through the bars of their cages, just remember the lion of Androclus and my own big Li. 42 A LITTLE GAME OF BLUFF. \ i VIII. A LITTLE GAME OF BLUFF. IT seems that Pip, the wicked King of Lotoli, at first mistook me for a missionary, owing doubtless to my innocent aspect. Now Pip did not Hke missionaries, for they made him feel uneasy in his mind. In order, therefore, to get rid of an unpleasant visitor and amuse himself while doing so, he gave me a choice well calculated to embarrass a divine — to win an eating, sleeping, or talking match, or to die. A murder in his code of morals was a very slight offence, and a little fun connected with it would not make it worse, and might as well be enjoyed as not. His servile courtiers chuckled loudly at what they called the richness of the idea. Put more exactly, I was to outsleep the champion sleeper of the tribe, outeat the champion eater, outtalk the most abusive of Pip's wives, or be executed on the spot. I chose to sleep, and expressed my choice promptly and smilingly, for this was part of my game. " Guess I can sleep some^^ I observed — " just a few, as we say in New England. And with your Majesty's permission I'll put a little wager on the event — my wagon-load of beads against your Majesty's diamonds." When I made this proposal, it occurred to Pip, as he afterwards admitted, that I might not be a missionary after all and that he had anyhow condemned me for an unproved offense. But his enlighten- A LITTLE GAME OF BLUFF. 43 ment came too late to save me. His curiosity and covetousness were aroused : and he thought he had " a pretty soft thing." " Done ! " he said, promptly — " play or pay." I had placed some reliance on a bottle of patent sleeping powder that I had about me. I thought I might put myself to sleep with it, and perhaps swallow some more as often as I awoke, without being observed. But I abandoned the latter idea when I learned that my competitor had slept ten days at a stretch. To keep myself asleep ten days by the aid of drugs I should have to make my slum- ber perpetual — " to die, to sleep no more," as Dr. Pangloss neatly observed. By the terms of the bet, then and there agreed upon, my com- petitor and I were to be asleep in "lalf an hour. This period he employed in gorging himself to repletion. I spent the first fifteen minutes in carrying a number of blankets and a waterproof of tarpaulin from my wagon to the ring where our sleep was to take place in public view. These preparations roused the curiosity of the King. " What are those things for .? " he asked through an interpreter. " The weather is sultry and it is the dry season." " Yes," I replied ; " but the rainy season begins in less than two months. If I neglected these precautions I might be awakened by rheumatic pains in six weeks or so." I then rolled myself up in several blankets, with the tarpaulin outside, and laid my head on a bundle of clothes under the shade of an umbrella that I had planted in the ground. The King's eyes, I noticed, were very wide open as I closed mine. Having taken a dose of my sleeping powder, I was sound asleep in three minutes. In a very short time I was awaked by a violent shaking. The umbrella was gone and the sun was streaming in my eyes. The interpreter, who stood beside me, had applied this test to make sure lili ¥ M\ I R. macy and had not learned how n ruler's compact can be repudiated quite respectably, '* for considerations of state." " Sky," I added in thirty-two minutes more. Then Pip's forbearance ended. Me started from his throne in a towering passion, and would have broken the silence himself had not one of his subjects rashly done so before him. This reckless being was a philosopher, who owned a rude time- piece, made by himself. In his zeal for science, like Archimedes, he forgot about death. " Your majesty, he is pausing in geometrical progression and it will take him over a month to get through," he exclaimed in the same tone in which Archimedes exclaimed " Eureka." Though the wise man of Lotoli did not chuckle exactly like the Grecian sage. Here was a scape-goat for my offence. Pip could vent his rage on this self-offered victim without breaking his royal word. " Off with his head ! " roared Pip. This order and the philosopher were promptly executed. To my surprise I was allowed to go without any direct permis- sion from the King. At least, when I asked to be excused further attendance at his court, the tyrant made no answer that I could hear to my request, but only called me a name. " Goliah 1 " he shouted ; and it has puzzled me ever since to guess in what respect he thought me like that giant. " I think I can tell the King's meaning," whispered Bill to his brother : " he said ' Goliah ' in two words, and the last of them ended • >> m r. It was well for me that I went at once, for the King soon repented of his hasty sentence and laid the blame on me. In fact the ebony sage's worth began to be recognized by the whole tribe the moment the recognition could do him no earthly good. The Lotolies often wax enthusiastic at the death of their clever men. They did not. ¥' THE STIFB XECKS. 5» indeed, raise a monument to this sage ; but they held a feast in his lionor, which feast, sad to say, degenerated into an orgy. It is not uncommon in Africa, as Dr. Johnson might have observed, but for his silly prejudice against America, to. " See nations slowly rise and. meanly just To buried merit, ' start upon a bust. ' " XI. THE STIFF NFXKS. WHEN I next returned to Lotoli, I was hanged by that spite- ful brute Pip. But my neck was not broken, nor had my arms been pinioned ; and so, when the spectators dispersed, I cut myself down and walked off. I had not been a captive for six months among the Stiff Necks in vain. This singular tribe, whom I prefer to call by their nickname, practice no industry but stealing. As a natural result many of them die at the hands of the neighbors whom they rob. Among these neighbors hanging is the prevailing form of capital punishment. But the Stiff Necks usually elude the consequences of this penalty by strengthening their necks through a systematic course of training. Soon after birth their infants are subjected to the test of being lifted by their heads, and those who give way under the strain are deemed unfitted for the needs of existence. Those who survive the Spartan ordeal are often slung on the backs of their nurses and carried about by a string encircling their necks. The schools of the Stiff Necks are models of good order. There the children stand in rows on tiptoe, half suspended by ropes attached to the rafters. Troublesome boys are promptly lifted off the ground, for the other ends of the ropes, which move on pulleys, concentre at the teacher's Sa THE STIFF A'FCA'S. I ^ii K II w i,| I Ijll desk. The ordinary strain is not much felt by the children, who are relieved from it every now and then, and are, besides, allowed a long recess at noon to practise the precepts of their instructors, in stealing their dinners. The boys are even occasionally hanged with weights, increasing with their age, attached to their feet. Nor are adults exempted from a similar discipline. I myself, for they fondly hoped to make me one of them, was obliged to undergo a daily increasing strain upon my neck. I stood it, they said, un- commonly well, for an outsider. In fact the natural strength of w.y neck, seemed to show that, in spite of all the deaths 1 have escaped, I was not born to be hanged. Bowinsf is a minor exercise and stren2:thencr of the neck among: these people. It is their only niode of greeting an acquaintance, of bidding good-bye, and even of expressing thanks or veneration. 1 had occasion to regret bitterly the prevalence of this custom. I forget who it was that threw a doubt upon the boasted pain- lessness of the guillotine, as compared with the gallows, by applying galvanism to a cut-off head and finding the nerves acted for a number of seconds. Reading of this experiment, I thought at the time that, if a guillotined head could be instantly and hermetically rejoined to runk, life might possibly be preserved. While I was with the At Necks one of their chiefs was beheaded for treason, hanging of course not being a serious punishment among them. I had now a means of proving my theory, for was I not agent for a newly invented patent Invisible Cement.? A second after the execution I had united the severed chief and fitted his head accurately on its old stand. With a copious applica- tion of the magic cement I exhausted the air between the lately parted portions of the Stiff Neck, and this without interrupting the course of the veins. He drew a long breath and opened his eyes with an unutterable WE STIFF XF.CKS. 53 expression of gratitude. Me had been told that I was going tf) attempt his restoration, and that his pardon would be granted if I succeeded. Hut the excess of his gratitude proved fatal to him. Before the cement was hardened or his neck ])ermanently united, ho began to bow his thanks after the manner of his tribe ; and he nodded so very vehemently that at the seventh nod he sent his head flying into my face, in such a way that he almost succeeded in committing murder and suicide at the same instant. It was the most impolite piece of politeness I ever saw — to fling back one's gift at one in this violent way. This unfortunate finale, for which I was in no way responsible, interfered disastrously w ith the sale of ' Mendax's Mend-r.eck,' as I had thought of re-christening my cement. And, failing to induce anybody to have himself executed by way of illustrating its efficacy in a more satisfactory way, I gave up the idea of starting in business as a joiner among the Stiff Necks." " Were the Stiff Necks cannibals } " Inquired little Bob. To some extent, answered the Major. " Then why did they keep you a prisoner instead of eating you.?" asked Bill. It was owing to an accident, said the Major. A foraging party of the Stiff Necks surprised me very suddenly. Roused from my sleep by their terrific yell, my opening eyes rested on the features of Bigbone Bowza; the fiercest and most repulsive-looking man- eater of the tribe. My heart sank and my hair rose ; and, being rather long at the time, like Oscar Wilde's, my bristling locks lifted my straw hat several inches from my skull. It was then that, to prevent my head- gear tumbling off, I raised my hand instinctively, bending my head unconsciously at the same time. Ifyr- 54 THE STIFF NECKS. li My seeiping politeness at sucli a dreadful crisis quite charmed Bowza. He could appreciate any civility in the shape of bowing. Bowinq; to a Stiff Neck was like maklncf the freemason's sii>n to one of the initiated, l^owza bowed and I bowed back. He bowed aqain and so did I. Then he jumped forwards and hugged me ; and his friend- ship, which began then, often afterwards took the same unpleasantly demonstrative form. This kind of gush ma}^ be engaging in a nice young woman ; but it did not suit so well in Bowza. It was his fondness for me that kept me so long a captive among the Stiff Necks. In consequence of my training among this strange peojMC I had not trembled for my own neck when Pip ordered me to be hanged. But I did feel horribly afraid at first that he might have somebody else hanged with me. For it was one of his ghastly refinements of cruelty to string up two wretches face to face, and then promise to release the one who should smile first. The brute could s:aze at their abortive effort. He never seemed to feel any presentiment of his own approaching fate. ;'t ! W I A IIIDKOUS SUllinilSE— IIAIll ON END. (5?) 'Ml t r '' * i ' ii SKETCHIXG A TARTAR. 57 XII. SKETCHING A TARTAR. WHEN I paid my respects to Pip some months later, the sovereign of the LotoHes was startled and awed at the appari- tion of a man whom he had seen hanged. My seemingly miraculous preservation ensured me much respect and consideration at first. But no one's life was safe in the long run at the court of so peppery and whimsical a tyrant. I had felt from the first a desire to take a sketch of Pip's peculiar visage, and this desire grew stronger and stronger. But he always refused to let me. He was dissatisfied with his nose and distrusted every compliment paid to that feature. And he was right. Be. neath his many vanities and sins was a layer of sound common sense. I offered to sketch him with no nose, but he was not pleased w' ;h that idea. I offered to sketch him with an average nose, but he said it would be " too thin." His proboscis was indeed a remarkable one In quantity and quality. It was large when I first saw him, and vice and gluttony had per- ceptibly added to its size since my last visit. Its hues, too, were more checkered and luxuriant than ever. It was more like some over-ripe tuber than a feature of a human being. In size and color and shape, it in fact very much resembled the more sun-burned half of a banana which I happened to have in my pocket on the eventful occasion when I yielded to temptation and drew a portrait of Pip. I adopted the bold design of sketching him in his sleep, during his afternoon siesta. I had bribed the two guards whose turn it was to watch outside His Majesty's hut. Plying my pencil rapidly, I had 58 SKETCHING A TARTAR, l| W''\ I I iSlIf soon outlined his features and made mental notes for their colorins:. But I bent over my drawing block once too often — to complete the shading and append a title which occurred to me — " The Sleeping Beauty." When I looked up, Pip was awake and blinking spitefully at me. " It shall be roasting this time, to make sure," he muttered. " Guards ! " But the .f^uards did not stir : it was safer, they thought, to pretend they had been drugged than to admit they had been bribed. " Guards ! " repeated Pip in a tone that I feared might rouse the inmates of the nearest huts. There are moments when audacity is less dangerous than inaction. I seized Pip by his pampered proboscis with my right hand and pulled and squeezed unmercifully. "High Treason! Revolution! Civil War!" roared the dismayed monarch gutturally, I gave his nose a final wrench, taking care at the same time to cover his eyes with my left sleeve. In a second I had broken the banana in my pocket and was flourishing its sun-burned end before his eyes. " Look at your fruity old snout ! " I cried. " No one else shall lose his life by sketching it." He raised his hand some inches as if about to verify his loss. But he dropt it with a shudder: he did not want to touch the sore spot, having already had convincing proofs of his calamity. Then he lifted up his voice and wept. The guards, now thoroughly alarmed, were hurrying to the door. " Burn me," I cried, " and out goes your proboscis through the window. Pardon me, and your scent shop shall resume business and jjay one hundred cents on the dollar." " I mean," I added, seeing he did not understand my Transatlan- he \VKIN(iINU KING PIPS NOSE. m i 1 \ii 9 im i .)i 1 l!i 1 1 ^ 1 i t 11 1 I i 1! i 1 bail J u i ilL. SKETCHING A TARTAR. 6i I n tic trope, " I mean that the old prob. shall go on again, as sound and firm as ever." He naturally had faith in my healing powers. " I'll pardon you," he gasped. " And you'll excuse the guards tuo, for dozing.? " " The guards too," he groaned, to the great relief of the two soldiers, who were now trembling at the door. "Then keep your eyes shut for fear of accidents; and on she sticks," said I, winking at the astonished guards, and kneading vig- orously at Pip's bloated and smarting snout. I finished my surgical operations by emptying a water-skin upon his kingly physiognomy, bidding him to feel his cobbled nose and go to sleep in peace. I did not fear he would break his promise and put us to death for our offences of that afternoon, for I guessed he would not like to publish the humiliation of his royal nose, and he knew we would not speak of it unless driven to desperation. Yet I shrewdly suspected that he would sooner or later find a pretext and a means for putting us out of the way ; and I was about to withdraw secretly from Lotoli, taking with me the two guards whom I had led into danger, when Tehee's rebellion changed all my plans. ■fW^Wl ili'' •' I ( 'I! liiiiii m» .,1 31 I ■■ii 62 PASS/AG OAT. XIII. PASSING ON. ONE of the court games of Lotoli was known as " Passing On." King Pip, who was fond of studying strange phases of human nature, held the theory that strong passions could be passed from man to man like an electric shock. In testing this theory he invented the game. He was sitting with his council in a complete circle, the highest members on his right, the lowest on his left, when he abruptly gave his fat Chief Councillor a ringing box on the ear. The Chief Coun- cillor bit his lip and struck the giggling Second Councillor who was on his riijht. The Second Councillor looked da2:2:ers at the Chief Councillor, and avenged the insult he had received upon the Third Councillor. The latter, flushed with wrath against his immediate superiors, vented his wrath upon his immediate inferior. As the blow was passed on to the right the indignation seemed to pass on with it. The Chief Councillor had actually begun to en- joy the grimaces of his juniors before the buffet had made a com- plete round of the circle. When the second lowest struck the lowest member of the board and the latter, having royalty on his right and a superior on his left, could only dance with impotent rage, all the rest regained their spirits and enjoyed the game thoroughly. In fact so boisterous became their mirth that the unhappy junior, seeing himself a public laughing-stock, suddenly ceased his buck- jumps and fled howling to the bosom of his family. There he doubt- less found a vent for his pent-up feelings in pounding his wives or FASS/A'G on: 63 "sliaking his niotlicr " in a way that Scotty, the hero-of Buck r\an- shaw's funeral would have deprecated. The game had proved so very diverting to him that the enthusi- astic King started another round of it then and there, by hitting the now hilarious Chief Councillor upon his open mouth. This initiative, which BeWs Life would call "shutting the potato-trap" and the American small boy would call " mashing on the snoot," was pretty generally followed in the second round, which round was played with an ardor that rendered it intensely gratifying to Pip and the dentists. So pleased was the tyrant with the success of his experiment that he afterwards started the game every now and then in his court. This he alwa.ys did abruptly, generally when his parasites seemed enjoying themselves most. So that it became a hard task for his courtiers to display the needful appreciation of the royal jokes and at the same time to avoid the too broad smile that would probably suggest a rubber of " Passing on ' to a monarch so fond of startling contrasts. " He likes 'Passing on,' muttered the nimble Tehee to his two fellow-conspirators at the close of a spirited game: "perhaps he won't like ' Passing away ' quite so much." This was the day befcre the revolt. \m !' ii 64 THE PROPlIESr. '1 fvi i : XIV. I THE PROPHESY. AT last tlie cup of the cruelties of King Pip was quite full. It was the annual " custom " or annual butchery at Lotoli. The tyrant had feasted on horrors all the forenoon. Then he had dined luxuriously in the open air, surrounded by some caged canni- bals whom his warriors had captured in a raid. Their hungry faces, he said, improved his appetite, just as the sound of rain on the roof of his royal hut made him appreciate the dryness and comfort within. The crowninc: attraction of the festival came last. The con- quered rebel chieftains, Tookee, Hookee, and Tehee, were ushered into the royal presence, stepping proudly and defiantly though they were chained together. They had been sentenced to fight a huge gorilla that had been provoked into pursuing a canoe on the Gaboon, and then captured in a net and towed to shore half-drowned. Now it was caged and ready to minister to the vengeance and amusement of the King. A choice of weapons had at first been offered to the three pris- oners. But that very morning a famous soothsayer, a seventh son of a seventh daughter and born with an odd number of toes, had said ominously : The 7tational weapon shall slay the great ape, and the slayer shall die a king. In consequence of this alarming prediction the superstitious despot forbade the use of the bow, for all his coun- cillors agreed that it was the national weapon of the Lotolies. After the rebels should have been slain, Pip purposed winding up the sport, and securing himself for life upon the throne in accordance THE PROPIIESr. 65 with the prophesy, by shooting the gorilla with arrows from his safe and comfortable seat above the walls of the arena. Meanwhile he was in fine spirits and in a pleasurable state of ex- pectancy, for he had never seen a gorilla killing a human being. It would be a new sensation, and he expected to enjoy it as thoroughly as Squeers enjoyed his first opportunity of thrashing a boy in a cab. He had already rewarded the courtier to whose suggestion he owed so agreeable a prospect. Tookee, Hookee, and Tehee were finally only given three weapons — a sword, an assegai and a lasso. They drew lots for first choice. Hookee, who won, selected the assegai, thinking it mig/Uho. the national weapon. For the same reason Tookee, who drew the second longest lot, chose the sword, which was of native manufacture. The lasso only remained for Tehee, and he had never used one in his life. They were to encounter the gorilla one after the other. Tookee, who was himself of royal blood, entered the arena deter- mined not to give his cruel kinsman Pip the extra pleasure of seeing him quail. He rushed straight towards the gorilla's cage, which was not yet opened, evidently hoping to gain an advantage before the brute could get out. But the door was pulled up from above a moment too soon for the brave Tookee, and the huge ape bounded into the open arena, beating an echoing note of defiance upon his ample bosom. The undaunted chief hinged swiftly at the creature s heart with such force that the worthless blade, encountering a rib, snapt in two. One crushing blow on the forehead from his enemy, and Tookee had died like a warrior of Lotoli. Hookee had been dragged into the rebellion against his will and had vainly begged the king to pardon him on that ground. However, he entered the lists with some appearance of courage and brandishing his assegai. But the fate of his friend had unmanned him a little and destroyed his trust in his weapon. When the hideous brute re- 5 II 1: VH .'1,1 8 'I If ! i;{\ 66 r//E PROPHESV. newed his deep, angry roar, I lookce trenibled and fled, prodding blindly behind him at his pursuer. But Hookee might as well have tried to check a tornado with a paper fan. In a moment the gorilla had broken the spear's shaft. In another moment he had felled Hookee with a blow which was less effective than the one which finished poor Tookee only because the latter chief had been advancing gamely against the stroke, while Hookee was running away from it as fast as his legs would carry him. " He who fights and runs away may live to fight another day." Before the gorilla had time to make a sure end of his motionless foe, Tehee bounded from the prisoner's door with the agility of a harlequin and waved his hand gracefully to the audience. He carried no lasso, and was armed only with an inspiration. His supple frame glistened in the sun, having been freshly anointed and his new purple bathing-drawers struck some of the spectators as showing too frivolous a rec:ard for stvle in one about to die. But the medicine-man who had made the prophesy in the morning muttered " Mumbo ", which afterwards increased his credit veiy much ; for " mumbo " was a learned word, unknown to the Lotolies and which, as afterwards interpreted by the soothsayer himself, meant " appropriate." It was in facta cabalistic term whose meaning varied a good deal according to circum- stances, making it quite handy for an anti-vernacular, highly oracular, feather-his-nest old man. Tehee answered the ape's angry challenge with a loud and defiant Ethiopian chuckle, as the man and his deformed image rushed swiftly at each other. Not a woman there but trembled and prayed for the graceful and intrepid Tehee. At the decisive moment that active chieftain projected himself into the air, in a horizontal posture and headforemost, as a swimmer takes a header into the water off a spring- board. In fact he converted himself into a human missile. His head flew safely through the terrible arms of his surprised antagonist and IT THE PROPHESy. 67 struck the gorilla full butt just under the breast bone. The great ape fell without a groan, not because he felt no pain, but because he had not a single breath left in his body. His mighty right hand, which had fractured Tookee's skull, came down on Tehee only in a tremendous spank, so that it broke no bones, if it did detract somewhat from the glory of the victory and remind the victor unpleasantly of his nursery davs. m At this point in the proceedings Hookee opened both eyes. He had half-opened one a few seconds earlier, but, the contest being then un- decided, he had closed it again and resumed his judicious inaction. Now he sprang fearlessly to his feet, and, picking up the head of his broken assegai, buried it in the neck of the fallen gorilla. Then he looked proudly and victoriously around the audience. "Stand against the wall," shouted Tehee to his posing comrade. No sooner had Hookee wonderingly obeyed this mandate than the aspiring Tehee bounded on his shoulders and, grasping the top of the wall, drew himself up out of the arena. He snatched a sword from the captain of Pip's body-guard and dealt a death-blow to that cruel King. Then he seated himself upon the throne and nominated a friend of his own captain of the guard. "There is a tide in the affairs of men Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortiuK " So thought the medicine-man. Before the soldiers had decided how to act he started to his feet : " Tehee hath overcome the gorilla with the national weapon," he cried, " and he shall die a King. The headh the national weapon of the African and of the ram. Lonar live the jjreat Kino: Tehee ! " " Long live King Tehee ! " echoed the late Pip's Carolinian inter- preter; and in his enthusiasm, forgetting he no longer wore suc^ an article, he raised his hand to toss his hat into the air. He chucked lit ■ i Ii lint i 111 liwtll m \ i> IJ -i 68 TI/£ PROPHESY. up a wisp of his wool instead, and the expression of his face was not blissful when he felt his mistake. A few minutes later he was arrested on a charge of tearing his hair in spite and mortification at the change of dynasties; and he lost his valuable post of interpreter in consequence. " Long live Tehee!" shouted the spectators with one accord dazed at his audacity. '* Your Majesty will remember that I said ' Mumbo, ' that is to say, * fit and meet' — the moment I saw your Majesty enter the arena clad in purple, which is the royal color." " We shall not forget it," answered King Tehee ; " and we here- with appoint you our Prime Minister. The design of your seal of office shall be a serpent embracing an owl with the motto ' Mumbo,' which, I believe, means ' fit and meet.' " Tehee was not ungrateful, but he was a wee bit satirical. There was one incident of the revolution at Lotoli that I did not choose to look at. The starvinsf cannibals who had been forced to witness Pip's dining were uncaged and, after kissing the feet of their liberator, were allowed to eat their tormentor, Pip. Old Mumbo said this was poetic justice, but I could not see the poetical part of it myself. Next morning the gallant Tookee was buried with great pomp, 1 ehee himself beinor the chief mourner. " He was a splendid fellow," sighed Hookee, strutting home from the funeral with the mien of a hero; " but he wanted discretion or he might have lived to see the glorious victory that We won." Hi 'it A POOH IMITATION. 69 XV. A POOR IMITATION. HASTY imitation is risky, observed the Major to Bob, whose ears had been boxed that morning for mimicking, in front ot the French teacher, a grimace which Bill had been making safely behind the back of that fierv for iorner. It was rather hard lines for Bob : he was only mimicking Bill, while Bill, who escaped, was mimicking the teacher. Bill, indeed, had bravely hastened to take the blame ; but Bob had already taken the box, for the Frenchman was impulsive. " So it is, uncle," assented Bob. " Do you know that the baby poked the fire to-day with your new walking-stick ? The little beg- gar had just seen me raking the ashes with the poker." " You recollect Barnum's monkey," chimed in Bill, " which saw the cook plucking a chicken and then went and plucked every feather out of his master's pet parrot — which led the bare bird to observe ironically, on Barnum's return, ' We've been having quite a lively time.' " According to my recollection of the story, said the Major, you have garbled your quotation from the parrot, as compilers sometimes garble hymns, in the interests of orthodoxy. Anyhow I was only alluding to the risk of rash injitation to the imitator himself, as in Bob's case ; and I was going to illustrate my remark by a little inci- dent. I had a large nondescript dog, named Growler, having, I fancy, a slight strain of two or three fierce breeds. Growler had a bad habit of worrying cattle. It particularly pleased him to secure a hold upon pi • » \ I \y\ 'it If} M. I 70 A POOH IMITATION. I- 1'^ II. 11 1 i. 111 "^ , f I.IJ ...J 1 1 1 . II ''^\. the tail of an ill-tempered bull, belonging to a neighbor, and to take a long ride, or rather a long swing. It was almost impossible to call Growler away from his malicious pastime ; and, not being a chulo or a matador, I shrunk from taking any part in a bull-fight, especially on the side of a bull that might possibly misinterpret my kindness. Before I managed to reform Growler by flogging administered after his offences, I witnessed several encounters which I was powerless to stop. On these occasions the bull exhausted all the antics of im- potent rage. He flounced around, he pawed the ground, he bellowed, he even horned the hedge. He once shook off Growler oy rolling, and once by dashing him against a tree. But the dog promptly manoeuvred for a fresh grip and, having regained his position, held it till his zest or his muscles f>ave out. On one occasion there was another witness to the bull-baiting in the shape of a small cur dog. This little animal had been highly excited at the spectacle and thought it would be fine fun to play the same game. So one day it sneaked behind the bull, as the latter was sleepily chewing the cud, and fastened its teeth in his tail. But the bull's tail, though too weak to wag my large dog, was more than strong enough to wag this tiny cur. The muscular power, too, of the bull's caudal appendage had, thanks to Growler, been increased by repeated exercise. The powerful brute started to his feet and flicked his tail up with a jerk that sent the hapless cur flying high into the air, to be caught neatly on the horns of the animal he had reckoned upon worrying with impunity. After the second toss the little dog lit upon the safe side of the fence with an imperceptible tail and hardly breath enough to squeak. • It was his first and last game of pitch and toss. Head and tail — he had lost on each. The bull-dozed cur hobbled home on three legs, fully resolved never again to ape the amusements of aristocratic dogs until he could do the thing thoroughly. ■m THE GRATEFUL CAT. 71 XVI. i 3 1' i THE GRATEFUL CAT. African hunting, Bill? How do you think you'd like a little asked the Major. You'd be old enough in a few years. " I'm not particularly eager for adventures, uncle, I can assure you. I'm afraid I don't possess your presence of — imagination. Two men of resources would be too much to expect in one family, you know. On the whole, I'd rather stay safely at home with our tame cat than visit its wild relations in Africa." But one is not always safe with a domestic c..t, said the Major ; I never was in greater danger than I was from my black cat. Buster. " Why, Buster seems awfully fond of you ! " cried Bill. So he is now ; and he has good reason to be. But two years ago — " Story!" called Bill to little Bob, who had been reading. Two years ago, went on the Major, I was obliged to shoot a strange dog which had shown signs of madness. The next morning, while I was in the stable taking a look at my nag, I heard a most unearthly catcall from an unoccupied stall. I knew Buster to be capable of a vast variety of tones, but I never expected such a grave-yard growl as that from him. But there he was, perched on the rack, glaring at ). ! w 1" ff I; J' 'W • l f - 72 THE GRATEFUL CAT. me with red eyes and posing for a spring. There was no mistaking his condition. He was mad — stark, raving mad. Now, a rabid cat is an uglier customer than a rabid dog, on account of its greater agihty and its claws. It seems nearly impossible to avoid a scratch in a battle with one, when a person has neither stick, nor knife, nor missile with him; and one scratch may be fatal. To try to throttle a mad cat would be suicidal, and to hit at it would be almost as dangerous. My only chance, I saw at a glance, lay in my skill in catching. If I could avoid Buster's spring, and grasp his tail from behind before he reached the ground, I should be master of the situation. He did not keep me many seconds in suspense. " With one com- pound yell he burst, all claws, upon his foe." I dodged, and caught his tail. Then I whirled him round and round by that clawless member until he became quite familiar with the nature of centrifugal force. Of course he found it impossible to turn upon me. A cat can wag its tail but its tail can not wag a cat — as Dundreary observed about another quadruped. My only danger was that he might leave his tail behind and fly off like a slung shot and then attack me afresh. Even that, however, would give me a valuable start. I had whirled him round for some minutes, and had passed through the stable door and out into the yard, before I had at all decided what to do with my captive. It is one thing to catch a Tartar and another thing to dispose of him. A glimpse of a pond which adorned my little place, however, settled his fate. Here was the very oppor- tunity I had wanted, to try my cure for hydrophobia. I had always held, with other good temperance people, that, if you can ov\y force any creature having an aversion to water to drink that healthy fluid, you are bound to cure him of his complaint. The difficulty, I knew was that the throats of rabid beino^s are said to contract at the sisfht or sound of water. But I reflected that Buster for some minutes had THE GRATEFUL CAT. 11 been powerless to bite or scratch or even to miaul, in consequence of the rush of blood to his head. His position, in fact, had been sadly tantalizing — so near, and yet so far. The moment he was freed from this mortifying constraint, he would doubtless start a new series of squalls and bites. In these contortions of rage, I reasoned, he would swallow some water, if any rabid animal could. With such beneficent intentions, I let him fly into the pond. My idea proved correct. He sank for a full minute, and then came up an altered being. The lurid light had left his eyes, and the light of other days had taken its place. He was rounder than before, and could not walk fast, and looked ashamed. But he was grateful, and rubbed himself against me. Ever afterwards he has drunk nothing but water, and has never been known to hanker after forbidden dairy milk. Even when the cream has disappeared we never dream of suspecting Buster since his reformation. He is, in fact, the most amiable and docile cat. He jumps through my arms, stands on his hind legs, and pulls the bell rope when I tell him. He has even tried his best to help me in the feather business. In what way } " asked Bill. By killing your aunt's canaries and laying their bodies at my feet. " Uncle," said little Bob reflectively, " /sometimes think of dodges when they are too late ; but you are always ready with yours." My motto is " Toujours pret," observed the Major. " ' Toujours /rrt;/^,' you mean," said Bill. " Toujours pret, " persisted the unsuspicious Major : I fancied «' prete " was feminine." " So it is," said Bill ; " but still I think ' Toujours prate ' might be a better motto for my respected uncle." Oh, I see! laughed the Major, clapping with his thumb-mils. One for Bill — at last! Ul iSil 74 A SELFISH LITTLE NIGGER. XVII. A SELFISH LITTLE NIGGER. " A RE the stories we hear of big snakes founded on fact, Uncle?'' /~\ asked Bob. Why of course, you little villain. They are just as true as that I was twelve years in Africa. " But I thought no such big snakes had been discovered, except in ancient times," said Bill. They may have been discovered lots of times, rejoined the Major, but they have a bad habit of swallowing their discoverers. In ancient times it was different, for, some big snakes having impru- dently swallowed men in armor and died of indigestion^ the rest were scared of eating human beings. To-day I believe serpents pre- fer negroes to us whites because we wear too much clothes ; just as we prefer eating our oranges peeled. And this quite accounts for the fact that I have been able to report more first-class snakes than any of the negroes among whom I lived, though there is no telling how many big serpents they may have discovered. I once came on a negro boy who had just had the misfortune of discovering a python. When I first saw him he had begun to explore the interior of the reptile. I had fancied serpents always crushed the bones of their prey; but this one had excused the little nigger this ^ INTEllVIEWINQ THE FlUGHTENED DAIIKEY. (-6) ^lil l'^ n't |(:, .;f I'- ir; 1 1" i-i; ''Hi {lit ! \t ] T' I ■ -«T^il ill A SELFISH LITTLE A7GGER. 77 Mil part of the performance, seeing be was so small and tender. The snake had commenced with his feet and had already got outside his legs when I came up. The little cuss wanted me to take him out at once; but I thought I would let him go down to his arm-pits at least, in the interests of science. Besides, I was at the time African correspondent to " The Telegram" which the sarcastic newsboys called The Tell-a-cravi. My correspond- ence had been declined by another American paper" The Daily News. The editor thought I was too fanciful or too realistic or not realistic enough (I quite forget which) for his journal, which diurnally treated its readers to the minute horrors of a true hansfino; and which the sarcastic newsboys called The Daily Noose. But I cherished no vindictive feelings against the " News." Indeed I generally carried some copies of it about me, as a safeguard against wild beasts. There were some things in the news columns of that paper that no living creature could swallow. Here was a chance for an interview that might never occur again, and so I got out my note-book and invited the little Ethiopian to report his sensations at every stage of the proceedings. But the ugly young beggar wouldn't give me the first bit of information. He only shook and shook and roared and roared, and called out " Save me ! Save me ! " I begged him to let me record his feelings for the benefit of educa- tion. I told him the doctors would like very much to know whether he was in much pain, and, if so, whether it became greater or less as he went further down. I tried to flatter him by saying that his remarks would appear in " The Telegram" and be read before the Zoological Society. But it was no use — the young scamp was too blamed selfish. He only went on, " Oh, save me, boss ! Save me now ! " I explained to him that the python was already half torpid and that, as it could not possibly bite me^ I could cut it in two whenever *\i ^?| |{ :,£;. I - ■ -I. \ nMi, m 1 ! 4 .., 1 ill r l.,....M»»:;S 78 A BOVINE INNOVATOR. I chose. But he never heeded or stopjDed his cries : — " Save me nozv, boss. Do ! " Finding a certain sameness about these remarks of liis, I cut the interview and the snake short at once. As I bisected the reptile, it gave the youngster an extra squeeze and ran its fangs into him ; but he soon recovered from the injury and felt better than he ever did in his life. In fact the little coward never had the chills afterwards. He shivered so much when he was inside the snake that he shook out all the shakes that were in his system. XVIII. i: I; . 1 -ji ) ■ iai 1 .a; « f"; 1 ■ A BOVINE INNOVATOR. "And thereby hangs a tale." — Shakespeare. I WAS fairly parched with thirst as I reached the top of a sandy ridge and saw with delight a stream winding through an expanse of luxuriant vegetation. Stately palms stoodsingly or in small clusters, the papyrus floated on the bosom of a lakelet close by, and every here and there between me and the horizon a tall tamarind or a huee baobab dwarfed the neighboring laburnums and cassavas. Never had an oasis burst so suddenly on my sight. On one side of the ridge was a desert, on the other a paradise. My horse was not so tired as I was. He had managed to drink the last water we found, which had been a little too brackish for me. So he carried me at an easy gallop to the borders of the fertile tract. A broad and very regular trail, as if made by the feet of many ani- mals, appeared to encircle the oasis. A BOVINE INNOVATOR. 79 While I was wondering at this, I heard a monosyllabic sound on the right, then another on the left, then faint echoes in the distance, as if some curious watchword were being passed along a line of sen- tries posted at long intervals on either side. The challenge on the right sounded like " Boo " — the answer on the left like " Moo." Two buffaloes now came in view, cantering along the trodden track from either side, and I fancied I saw others some hundred yards or so behind these. The first two came on without pause or hesitation. I never had seen such presumption on the part of a buffalo before ; and not liking it now that I did see it, I raised my double-barreled rifle and bowled them over one after the other. I had scarcely reloaded when a second pair of buffaloes galloped up and I was forced to give them a similar salute. Then a third brace charged, and I repeated the dose. Others were visible behind them at regular intervals. The thing, though curious, was threaten- ing to become monotonous. But the " moo " which had passed along the line of outposts had finally reached the reserve force : and now a dense herd of beasts swept down the slope in front of me. A largt; bull brought up the rear, and now and then a commanding bellow issued from his throat ; but his forces maintained the strictest silence. There was quite a variety of tone in his " boos." Sometimes they seemed to cheer or request, sometimes to warn or threaten. But what surprised me most was that the buffalo commander appeared to carry the mark of supremacy on his tail. At all events there was a long extension to that supple section of his body, thinner and more pliant than the tail itself. It was both useful and orna- mental. It streamed like a royal standard from the upraised tail of its possessor; and it descended like a herdsmen's whip on stragglers. Bo A BO I iNE ryxo r: i ivR. I n if But these observations are siighUy premature^ being based chiefly on what I saw at much closer quarters. Gazing on this very odd spectacle, I had quite forgot the single buffaloes advancing on my right and left flank. They were within a few feet of me on either side when a sudden bound of my horse barely saved me from this pressing danger. The two bulls had no time to check their rash career, and came full butt upon each other with a loud crash. As they dropped to earth, each cast at his fellow a look of reproach, such as Caesar cast at Brutus when he felt his friend's dagger ; and the dying " moo " of each seemed to express the sentiment, " You, too, you brute! " Unchecked by the fate of their comrades, the other animals still advanced on both flanks — with better discipline than judgment, for they were bound to fall singly so long as they were unsupported and my ammunition held out. Several more had fallen before the charge of the main herd called imperatively for my attention. It looked like the shadow of a dark cloud crossing the plain, and the front rank was now barely a hundred yards off. I had often seen a stampede of American bisons, and I admit that their shaggy manes, tossing in the wind, make them look more im- posing. But the bisons' course was always away from tlie hunter, not towards liim, w^hich decidedly lessens the terrors of the situation. Besides, the impressiveness of those spectacles was further decreased by the little circumstance that I had only seen them in pictures. But these buffaloes were mooing and moving creatures ; not a mere herd either, but a regiment, obeying a despot who urged his braves on to glory by frequent applications of the puzzling article upon his tail. I gazed on and on, trying to solve the mystery of that appendage. It looked thick for a whip and narrow for a flag. At last I hit it, as I fancied. It was a single stripe with a lonely star at the end — a fit- i ^ A nOVIXE mXOVATOR. fir tin"- standard for i\\Q./irst State in the Union of Independent liuffa- loes. As the forost of horns approached nearer, I boldly determined not to stir an mc\\ from where /sat/ If my horse fled, that would be his weakness, not mine ; I merely let the reins fall upon his neck, which led him to suppose that I would not mind it very much if he did play the coward. But, of course, I am not responsible for the inferences of a quadruped. The dastardly animal did carry me off safely, but not before the herd was unpleasantly close, so close that I was able to identify the boss buffalo and the hit of rope on his tail! Yes, this bovine chief was only Bumbo, my runaway domestic buf- falo. He had always been of a dodgy and aspiring character, but it was as much by chance as by smartness that he gained his high posi- tion in the herd. When he ran away his driver had tried to lasso him; but the lasso had fallen short and only caught the beast's up- raised tail. At the first strain the rope snapped, just behind a knot by which two separate pieces had been patched together. So Bumbo got away with the seeming cncnmbrance of a notted exten- sion of his tail. Now Bumbo was not the kind of buffalo to kick aorainst the inevit- able, but rather to try and make the best of everything. The exten- sion had its drawbacks, sometimes (until he learned to look out for these dangers) catching in brambles and pulling him down on his haunches. But he soon discovered its uses, too. After half an hour's journey he was assaulted by a wild buffalo, who scorned and scoffed at the rope on Bumbo's tail, which by the by, Bumbo at first carried trailing along the ground in a way that was far from stylish. To the untamed beast it seemed a badge of slavery. Hardly, however, had the foreheads of the two joined in battle when the wild bull felt a sharp pain behind. Glancing round to i li^:TllS 82 A BOVINE INNOVATOR. I sec his new enemy, he exposed his left side to Bur bo, wlio planted his sharp horns beneath the foreleg of the foe and laid him, wounded. in the dust. It was Bumbo's despised appendage — which he had knowingly flicked round to the enemy's flank — that caused this diver- sion in his favor and won him an easy victory. Bumbo knew a cfood thinii when he saw it. He followed the beaten buffalo to its herd. He challeng-ed and defeated the stronir- est bulls in it by the aid of his artificial tail. Standing on the defen- sive at first, he would bring it into play at what invariably proved to be the turning point of the struggle. It is disastrous for a buffalo to change front in presence of the enemy. The adventurous Bumbo resolved to make a full use of the only artificial weapon ever owned by a buffalo. He practised with it until he could Hick a tsetse fly off a friend's back three yards away. He went on practising until he made it an effectual means of repression ; until in fact it served him to point a moral as well as to adorn his tail. Vast schemes of ambition now filled his mind. He would use his extension as a herder's whip to discipline his buffaloes. He would introduce something like a human system. He would choose and hold a grassy territory for his kind. He would mark the confines of the land of Moo, guard them by patrols, and organize a state militia. His subjects should have no fear and own no master save himself. The strength and numbers of the buffaloes, aided by organization, kept this land of Moo safe and inviolate from every beast of the desert. Only creatures of other elements trespassed with impunity on the don" J* is of Bumbo. The great crocodile lifted his snout and roared or grunted as of yore, and vultures still scented carcasses and flocked from invisible heights to devour them. Bumbo, like a wise ruler, did not show his weakness by resenting the presence of intruders wnom hi A BOVINE IXNOVAIDR. «3 he could not reach. On the contrary, he pretended to welcome them and proclaimed them royal scavengers. " How did you find out all this, uncle?" A very natural question indeed, my dear Bill, said the Major. A native happened to have witnessed the first battle of Bumbo after his escape from his driver, and I inferred the rest from my own obser- vation ; for I thought it quite worth while to spend a few days in a padded buffalo's skin, studying the manners and customs of Moo. I got off working with the other buffaloes by being lame ; but it was work enough pretending to chew the cud for hours at a stretch. A few of the beasts seemed disposed to be sociable and " mooed " kindly in my ears, probably inquiring after my health. But they hardly ex- pected an answer: I looked a sick and shrivelled buffalo, not fit to say boo to a goose. Whether the semi-civilized buffaloes of Moo would have introduced other modern improvements, and whether the aspiring Bumbo would have rested content with defendinu: his kins^dom without enlartiinc: it, would be interesting to know. Ikit I considered it dangerous to wait and see. Here were beasts encroaching on the aristocracy of man, and uniting his superior system with their superior strength. The spread of education among cattle would unfit them for humble toil. There were strikers enough already in the world, I thought. What would become of us, if horses and oxen should begin to waste their time on aspirations and cheap literature, and to join trades-unions and secret societies ? Such a reform had to be nipped in the bud ; and I soor returned with an army of a hundred negroes and two Gatling guns. We slew old Bumbo and routed his host. I was sorry it had to be done, for this Peter the Great of buffaloes made a s^allant resistance. I had made preparations to combine profit with philanthropy, and canned nearlv half a million poun pn upon spot. fl ";"" MISGUIDED BY EXPERIENCE. in V\, XIX. MISGUIDED BY EXPERIENCE. I ONCE started for a certain inland village with a load of mirrors to barter for ostrich feathers. The idea seemed a promising one, for on my last trip a rich negro had given me a very high price for my pocket looking-glass, and I had always found Africans as vain of their style of beauty as we are of ours. Yet I was doomed to return featherless and mirrorless. The very last day of our journey we encountered a simoom, to describe which would make my story too long. I swallowed enough sand to satisfy an ostrich, and pecks of dust got underneath the cover of the wagon and overlaid the mirrors. We had to halt at a river to polish our goods and wash ourselves before entering the Buctoo village to which we were journeying. We ranged the mirrors along the bank, and, wading into the stream, dashed water over them. While I was thus washing the large toilet glass which I designed for the Buctoo chief, one of my negroes — who was a very undemonstrative man — stopped working and gazed fixedly at me. " What are you gaping at } " I cried. He pointed calmly at my legs. A large crocodile had swum noiselessly behind me and was at that moment opening his snout with a view to amputating one of my nether limbs. I started to one side, but I was too late. The water retarded my flight, and, besides, Leviathan is not such a slow or un- wieldly creature as he appears to be. In a few seconds the brute's MISGUIDED BY EXPERIENCE. »5 long jaws protruded before me, one on each side of my right leg. I saw them closing on the endangered limb. Then I saw them open- ing with a jerk ; and to my amazement the beast rushed furiously at the largest mirror. He had seen what he thought a strange crocodile catching a man on the bank of his own river. This bold poaching on his preserves could not be allowed for an instant. The defiant trespasser on his domain had to be chastised. Such encroachments on his riparian rights should be nipped in the bud, if he knew how — and he rather guessed he did. Though he had barely made his mark on me, yet business had to be attended to before pleasure. Besides, he objected to violent exercise after meals. Hence my reprieve. He crunched the mirror into small bits, and then smiled for. a moment, fondly imagining that he had swallowed his vanished an- tagonist in the shortest time yet reported. But catching sight of the fancied intruder in another glass, he charged at it, more furious than before. He smashed all my glasses before he stopped, except one. This was a mirror that magnified and distorted objects. I brought it thinking: some one of the Buctoos mio^ht have a taste for caricatures and give an extra price for it. In this glass the crocodile saw his own open jaws much larger than life, and his own hideousness in- creased tenfold ; and he sensibly concluded not to tackle any such reptile as that. Mopping back into the river in dismay, he saw me standing on the bank at a safe distance. Then he sorrowed vainly over his lost oi> portunity. He had abandoned a substance for a shadow, and could not avoid musing desolately on what might have been. I could hardly believe at first that my leg was on my body, much less that it was only slightly scratched. Indeed I had begun to hop away on my left foot, and had not attempted to use my right leg at all until the shallow water through which I was hopping tripped me )%■ il !■■ ''t i,. . ,:■ t ■ i' f ; II 86 MISGUIDED BY EXPERIENCE. up However, the very moment I was out of danger I proved con- clusively that the limb was quite sound and strong, by kickmg the undemonstrative nigger who had stared at the crocodile commg to eat me, as quietly as he would have stared at a wild beast feedmg m a cage. As the nco-roes turned our lightened wagon homewards, I cocked mv -un and'' looked revengefully towards the reptile that had de- stroyed my goods. He was floating despondently down the stream, quite regardless of another crocodile which was swimming fiercely "" -'no more fights with phantoms for me to-day," thought the dazed and disheartened animal. And while he was thus musing, his enemy (who was a sad reality) secured a deadly grip upon him, and took him down to his quiet dinino--room at the bottom of the river. AN ENDLESS CHASE. •87 XX. AN ENDLESS CHASE. " A ^ THY does a dog run round after his tail when you hit it with V V a stone, Uncle ? " asked little Bob. Generally, said the Major, I fancy it is to bite the fly that has bitten him, as he imagines. In the case of a sane dog with a short tail the motive, of course, can only be idle curiosity — to see w/m^ in- sect has hurt him. " A bee or not a bee ? that is the question, perhaps in the dog's mind," suggested Bill. \ Other animals have the same habit];;, said Major Mendax, as I once discovered much to my disadvantage. The deer in our neighborhood had been thinned by a series of hunting expeditions, and wild beasts, being short of prey, sometimes came right up to our trading settlement. One day a large striped hyena, made bold by hunger, attacked me on a lonely path. I was walking home from a friend's house, and, fearing no danger by broad daylight in a settled district, I was quite unarmed. There was no tree nearer than my own garden, which was fully three hundred yards away, and I was bound to be overtaken before I got there. To make matters apparently worse, I stepped on a small round stone, and stumbled. When I had recovered my upright position the hyena was only a few yards from me, snarling like an angry dog. Instinctively I picked up the little stone and threw it. It just missed his head, but it 'lit his tail plump. He turned round with a jerk, and ■ ■ - 1;! ■ if Ffi &s AN ENDLESS CHASE. 1^! snapped at his tail, and, failing to catch it, waltzed fiercely after it, to the music of his growls. I did not care the least whether his head or tail won the race. " Heads I win, tails you lose, old fellow," I thought as I was running home. " I suppose he went on running after his tail while you ran three hundred yards," drawled Bill, ironically. You are a little hasty in drawing your conclusions, my young man, said the Major. The beast realized his error after a few dozen turns, and before I had run fifty yards. But he was groggy and giddy then. His head felt queer and so did his stomach ; and his movements grew like those of a landsman pacing the deck of a rolling steamer. After a few erratic steps he abandoned the chase, for his nose, etc., turned up at the very idea of food. Then the sickly animal dropt oi^ hisr haunches, and sent forth sounds of dis- tress that reminded me unpleasantly of a passenger imploring a slow steward to make haste. The people who couldn't find the morals in my former tales per- haps couldn't see the great truth that underlies this story either, if I did not write it on a blackboard or print it in large type. It is this : THE CHASE OF AN IGNOBLE END MAY PROVE AN ENDLESS CHASE. ^PUMi m. A DERIVATION OR TWO. 89 I XXI. * A DERIVATION OR TWO. HAVE known several other curiously fitting names," observed a disagreeable guest in the middle of an after-dinner chat. " In the last war between Russia and Turkey, Admiral Popoff was very appropriately placed in charge of the torpedo defences in the Black Sea. And " No doubt, said the Major, you have noticed the double appro- priateness in the name of Robinson Crusoe's man Friday — be- cause he was rescued on the sixth day of the week, and was so very nearly fried, eh ? " By the bye," asked the interrupted philologist in an ominously genial tone, " what is the origin of your own surname, Mcndax? " When I was a small boy, answered the Major, I carried a hatchet, like truthful little George, and I never denied cutting a cherry tree. I suppose my ancestors had a similar leaning toward hatchets, which would account for our family name and — veracity. It is true that my brother, after he struck oil and " located " in Fifth Avenue, adopted a spliced battle-axe at his crest, and traced us back to a bloodthirsty Warrior, who mended a broken axe during the battle of Hastings, and performed prodigies of valor with the re- paired weapon. A.nd in this way brother is fully sustained by the heralds, who have made him out a very pretty pedigree. But the r 90 A DERIVATION' 07^ TWO. inventiveness of a herald, I suppose, is sometimes freshened by a check. For my part, anyhow, I prefer the humble hatchet of peace — and truth — to the ensanguined axe of war — and heraldry. But in either case, you see, an axe is at the root of our genealogical tree, though we have dropped the final aristocratic e. " But take off the last ' aristocratic e, ' " said his rude acquaintance, " and your name means something very different in Latin — having no connection whatever with an axe or a hatchet, either." But I am not* a Latin, retorted the Major, and have no connection whatever with that race ; and besides, any Latin scholar can tell you that Mendax is a false derivation for my name. " Then perhaps " pursued the disagreeable guest, " the name was first assumed in prophetic anticipation of the 'hatciiet throwing' of some mendacious descendant." HOW HE GOT ms RANK. 9» XXII. now HE GOT HIS RANK. *' T 1[ /"ERE you a major in the army ? " asked the same clisagree- V V able guest. No, said the Major. " Or in the miHtia ? " No. " Or in the volunteers ? " No, my inquisitive friend, nor in the marines either, replied the Major. I got my title before I left America. I won it in a Western store, the resort of men skilled with the pistol and the long bow. In the winter evenings they chiefly displayed their skill with the latter arm. A friendly rivalry sprang up among these gifted men. And so one evening they agreed to organize a corps on the competitive system. This occurred, as luck would have it, on the only evening that I ventured timorously among these redoubted Western roman- cists. Each competitor — there being ten entries — was to have one shot. He who fired highest, or in other words told the tallest story, was to be Colonel ; the next. Major ; the two next, Captains ; the next, Doctor; the four next, Lieutenants. The loser was to be clubbed Private and to " pay the shot '. It had been proposed to have two Privates, but this was voted down : it was too large a pro- portion of men to officers to suit in that portion of the United States. As it was, our one Private cloaked his humble military rank under the civilian title of Professor; and two of our Lieutenants promoted themselves. ■""•^I 92 HOW HE GOT HIS RAXK'. IB n 'ti ': I i Tlic " boys " " spread themselves " on the evening of the competi- tion, and most of them were said to have beaten their record. Even the Private's story was so tall that the storekeeper, proud of enter- taining so much genius, refused to take anybody's money, and in- sisted upon " setting them up " himself. J3ut I was a stranger, and the boys out of mere hosjDitality voted my narrative the second best and saluted me as "Major"; and the title has stuck to me ever since. " Won't you let 71s hear your narrative, Major "i " asked another guest. It was not exactly original, said the Major — modesty prevented my offering any concoction of my own to such a company. It was an ingenious slander invented by a teetotal blue-nose deacon who was far too pious a man to smile while he was telling it to me — for the day was Sunday. " The * Colonel's ' story must have been something worth hearing," observed the disagreeable guest. I calculate it was, said the Major. " How is it that so great a genius is unknown to fame } " Well, you see, that story finished him. Men are never satisfied. Another evening, I believe, he tried to add something to it, and it choked him. " Would you mind telling us the Colonel's story ? " asked the dis- agreeable Q^uest. Do you want me to choke too ? said the Major indignantly. If I do sometimes tell stories, I always draw the line at falsehoods ! " I must admit," said his unpleasant acquaintance with an amiable smile, *' that you do confine yourself pretty strictly to one side of the line." THE BOTTLE IXSURAXCE CO. {LIMITED.) 93 XXIII. THE EOTTLE INSURANCE CO. (unLIMITKD). " "\ 701) didn't have too much money when you started for Africa — X eh, IMajor Mendax? " asked the same objectionable friend next day, winking at some men whom he had invited to meet the IMajor. Only a few dollars, after taking my passage for Lisbon. " And how did you manage then, to start your feather business. Major ? " Oh, I started a syndicate, answered the Major, and the syndicate started me. Besides, he resumed, after a moment's reflection, I was not nearly so poor when I disembarked as when I embarked. 1 had got myself appointed agent for an insurance company that allowed its policy holders to travel wherever they liked. This company per- mitted me to, keep a percentage of the premiums paid me. It had occurred to me long ago that there were great and neglected oppor- tunities for securing new policies on board ocean steamers. The uncertainty of human life is so painfully apparent to landsmen in a rising sea. Besides, an agent, I thought, could win the sympathies and confidence of timorous passengers by divers small attentions and cheerful words; and then there are sickly moments when people would gladly pay a premium to be let alone. There were some thirty saloon passengers, besides myself, on board the SS. Three Kings. Among these was an unusually fat New ^>. «&*>■ s^^.%% IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) k^O (./ # / M y. & %' \\j 1^ ^^ I.I 1.25 2.5 2.2 lis iio 1.8 i-4 IIIIII.6 V] <^ w /. > 'V > y >^ 'o- .^^^5> pi>^ ^ u ^^^ >* .am ^ 94 THE DOTTLE INSURANCE CO. {LIMITED.) .iMij England merchant, a man of substance in every sense. Before we had left the harbor I began considerately suggesting remedies for sea-sickness. " Don't thijik of it, my dear sir," said I, " and you will never have it. That's certain. Some silly people fancy every queer sensation must be nausea. Now a queer sensation may be caused by the smell of the ship, by depression of spirits at leaving home, or by mere ner- vousness. You may possibly feel a strange feeling yourself." He had not seemed particularly cheered by the conversation. Though he took no notice of my last suggestion, yet a moment afterwards he drew from his pocket what I thought to be a flask and applied it to what I thought to be his mouth. " I'm mighty fond of smelling salts, mister," he said, unguardedly smacking his lips. " So am I, very," I exclaimed. " Please give us a smell." " I regret to say, stranger, that the perfume has kind of evanesced." " I am sorry for that, for it smelled good — I like it preserved in rye. As I v/as saying before," I went on, " if you do feel at all queer, you have only to keep your spirits up — " " The trouble is to keep them down," he said to himself, as I guessed from the character of his smile — his faint and final smile. " And be a little particular about your diet," I continued. " If I were you, " I would not eat fat pork, or suet-dumpling, or sausages, or plum-pudding, or marrow, or — " He evidently had not needed my friendly warning against these edibles, for their mere mention seemed distasteful to him, and he left me abruptly before I had nearly ended my prohibited list, or index expurgatorius. I found my truant some minutes later, lying on the hurricane- deck, " feeling a little uneasy," he admitted now. I lay down beside him. II THE BOTTLE INSURANCE CO. {LIMITED.) 95 At this touching mark of sympathy he groaned. " Are you not afraid of catching cold ? " he asked. " The good Samaritan never thought about catching cold," I said, smiling benevolently. " I trust you don't think me too selfish to run some little risk to soothe a suffering fellow-creature. It struck me that I might set your mind at ease and that mental repose might be a solace, if not an antidote, to bodily sickni ss. If you felt that you had done your duty, that you had left no wife or children unin- sured against — " " I have no relations," he murmured. " Still a policy for fifty thousand dollars in favor of some deserving charity could hardly fail to comfort you." " I have willed all my fortune to charities." This might have discouraged an ordinary man, but I was an in- surance agent. " But there is the President of the United States, " I persisted, " ruining himself in dispensing our country's hospiiali- ties On a wretched $50,000 a year. And sinking afterwards into a poverty as honorable to himself as it is dishonorable to the public. What a noble work to provide a retiring pension for the Fathers of one's Country, and to rebuke our national penuriousness in this matter. A trifling payment of $1000 a year, beginning now — " " Are you an insurance agent ? " he gasped, in' the tone of little Red Riding-hood asking her acting grandmamma if he was a wolf. I owned the soft impeachment. " Here is the $1000 — draw me out a policy." " In whose favor.? " I inquired. " In anybody's : in your own, if you will only leave me." *' For the President of the United States," I said proudly, " I scorn to profit from my benevolence towards an afflicted fellow-man to the extent of a single cent — beyond my usual commission." I regret to say that the policy which I there and then drew out I;. ■4-1 96 THE BOTTLE INSURANCE CO. {LIMTTED.) lapsed the very next year from non-payment of the premium, and that the ex-Presidents have continued unprovided for ever since. Among the passengers was a white-tied exhorter. He was not an ordained minister but he represented that ne represented a certain missionary society, which society, he constantly reminded us, was in urgent need of funds. He was one of those people who are always worried about their neighbor's faults and never worried about their own. He was fond of singing hymns loudly and nasally at tlie piano in the saloon, especially when two worldlings were playing backgammon, a game which he strongly denounced because it in- volved the use of dice. I offered to give this apostle one dollar, after I had examined his vouchers as a collecting agent for the society ; but he never came to me for the subscription. A few evenings before I made that offer, the quasi-reverend gentleman gave the passengers a rousing address upon the sad state of unconverted negroes. He ended by commenting upon the uncertainty of our life, which he illustrated by some borrowed similes and some alarming sea stories which were undoubtedly original. He urged us to lay up lasting riches by subscribing to African missions. He seemed about pass to his hat round when I grasped his ex- tended hand. " On behalf of your hearers," I said, " I thank you, sir, for the impressive picture you have drawn of the precariousness of human existence. And I sincerely hope and trust that all persons present will take the obvious moral, and insure their lives." But the audience dispersed. I cannot tell whether they were afraid of him or of me, or whether they took my remarks for the benediction ; but the way they scattered was quite disheartening. For some days after this incident the weather was calm and business dull. At last the glass fell, the wind rose, and I doubled my attentions to a certain middle-aged widow who was supposed to be comfortably off. THE BOTTLE IXSURA^CE CO. ^LIMITED.) 97 " Is there any danger? " she asked, as the breeze freshened. " None at present, madam ; but it is always well to be prepared I presume your children are provided for ? " " I have none," she sighed ; and I echoed her sigh, for children are the best arguments for insurance men. I went sadly away to my stateroom, leaving her sitting by the bulwarks and holding on to them. My barometer, I found, was rising slightly, although the sea as yet showed no signs of abating. Putting certain articles in my pocket, I returned to the widow as a forlorn ^^'ipe. Even childless, she seemed the most promising passenger on deck. "Oh," she cried, grasping my arm as the steamer shipped a few bucketfuls of water forwards; "I'm sure we are going down." " Not so bad as that. I expect the breeze will die out before midnight.' " Oh, I shall never sleep in this aivful storms " When one's mind is at peace, one's body can rest under the most untoward circumstances." " I have forgiven all my enemies," she observed. " But is there no one you have injured yourself, madam } " " Only a girl who was once engaged to my late husband ; if it was an injury to supplant her." " Would not an insurance policy on your life, drawn in her favor, make you feel more at ease } " " How could a policy written now reach her, if anything happened to the ship .? " " Do you see these bottles ? " said I, taking a crimson .bottle from each pocket. "They are conspicuous, you observe, and can be seen far away at sea. I would enclose a copy of the policy in each. To cork and launch them would be my last official act on board. " Weeks after we had gone to pieces your peace-offering would be 7 ip 1 {■■r - t i i : '\\ ' :., .iUi^i ■'■;|s 98 THE MA rOR'S BRTDGE. wafted on the waves to her whom you supplanted. The Bottle Insur- ance Company, 1 am proud to say, has never yet failed to take up its floating obligations." A policy was written, and the premium paid. The v/idow went to sleep at peace with all the world, but woke next morning in a less enviable frame of mind, for it was calm and she seemed out of humor with herself and me. She actually wanted me to alter the life-policy in favor of her un- successful rival into an endowment policy in her own favor. XXIV. THE MAJOR S BRIDGE. " \ yl TE haven't heard a story for a week," cried Bob, whc had been V V staying with his cousins. And it may be many weeks before you hear another from me/ said the Major, " for I am off to-morrow. " Well, Uncle," said Bill, *' we both hope you may be back sooner than you expect, and that meantime you will not expose yourself to such terrific dangers as you faced in Africa. And now we are all attention for the valedictory." Sealing himself, the Major began : It was during the season when I was using chromos as a means of barter, and my wagon was loaded with them. Being in want of game, I had left my wagon and servants by a stream whose course I continued to follow for fear of losing myself. Before long I started two fine birds like pheasants, and brought down one with each barrel of my fowling-piece. The ground was pretty open, but I had not seen a lioness which THE MAfORS BRIDGE. 99 was suckling two infant cubs at some distance, though on the same side of the river as myself. I had reloaded both barrels with powder and was about to add the shot when the beast, excited by my first fire and fearing for her little ones, roared and charged. As I had no bullets with me, I made for the river. To my dismay I perceived that the stream just here formed a rapid which ended in a cataract To plunge in seemed sure destruction. How to die seemed to be the only question for me to decide. And to embarrass my choice, by offering me yet another short route to eternity, a huge tree snake that was coiling around the branches of a sycamore on the farther bank fixed his wicked eye most signifi- cantly upon me. A single palm grew near me. It was slim and straight and had no branch within many feet of the ground. There was nothing left for me except to try and " swarm" up the stem. But I had barely dropped my gun and embraced the trunk when the snake folded his tail securely round a high branch of the sycamore and let his head fall nearly to the ground. His long body swung twice like an elastic pendulum before it had acquired enough momentum. In the third swing his bod^ became horizontal and spanned the stream; and his huge jaws grasped a branch of the palm firmly. His next move would be to let go with his tail, which would then drop over to my side of the stream. But I had time enoagh to prepare and no time to hesi- tr^te. It struck me that I had better ammunition with me than bullets, for this kind of game. My pocket was nearly full of picture nails, fellows with big brass heads for hanging up the chromos. Just as the snake connected the palm and the sycamore by his huge body, I was putting a long nail, head foremost, into each barrel. The heads fitted the bore of my gun as if they had been manufactured for it. Before the serpent could uncoil his tail I fired and nailed it to the lOO rilK MAJOR'S nklDGE. % :;: 1. sycamore. Before he could ojDeii his mouth, bang went my second barrel and nailed his under jaw to the palm. I had settled i)retty promptly with one enemy ; but my last two shots had only added to tlie speed and fury of the lioness. She had now entered on that series o^ springs by which some feline animals can move at the rate of a mile an hour for a brief space. I might have trembled if I had time. As it was, I embraced the tree aiiain and swarmed up it this time with a liveliness that surprised myself. When the beast reached the tree I had just grasped the first branch. Still I might have been forced to choose between being starved or eaten, had not the great snake proved a friend in need by supplying a means of crossing the stream without descending the tree. Before embarking on this serpentine bridge, howevc, I took care to hammer a long picture nail into the reptile's upper jaw, too. This last piece of carpentering I performed with the heel of my boot. " 1 don't see how you crossed on the snake's body," observed Bob. There is a gymnastic exercise, explained the Major, that coiisists in wrifrijlinG: across a horizontal rod or bar with vour hands and feet over it and your body under it. You may see this simple feat practised in any gymnasium. It is true that I found this mode of travelling rather more tiring then than I had ever found it before. Tiie snake was inconveniently thick ; and it squirmed unceasingly, for it much preferred inside to outside passengers. The stream was too wide for the lioness to leap, and too violent at tnat spot for her to swim. After eying me for some minutes she hurried back to her cubs with mins^led feelinos crlad to have driven off an enemy, sad to have missed a meal. I recrossed the river di- rectly opposite my wagon, where the water was smooth and shallow. Having armed myself with a rifle and plenty of cartridges, I went back to the scene of my adventure to recover my shotgun, which I found lying at the foot of the palm. m TIIK MAJUU S SUSPKNiSlUN liKlDUK. (101) DEXULWCKD liV UlS PARR()l\ >o3 " Did I r.kin that snake ? " No, my young man, I did not. It was too useful precisely where it lay. There was then no bridge across the river from its fountain to its mouth. To-day a neat little suspen- sion bridge rests on my snake as its main chain. The wayfarer, as he walks over the rapids on " The Major s Bridge," calls on his idols to reward my thoughtful benevolence. I feel I hardly deserve so many blessings, for, between ourselves, I don't see how I could have got so large a skin to the wagon or the wagon to the skin. " " But hasn't the serpent decayed yet } " asked Bill. lliat is rather a simple question, said the Major; a boy of your age and intelligence might have guessed that I had its body thoroughly washed inside and outside with 's Patent Anti- phthitic Mummiline. XXV. DENOUNCED BY HIS PARROT. AT the close of this last snake story the Major's parrot did not begin lO speak, as he usually did, when his master's talk was over. In fact the bird had not uttered any wicked sentiments all day, although it had sometimes looked as if it felt them. The truth was that Bill had been finishing its education on the sly, and it was tired and disgusted with studying. But the Major was innocent of this, and so was Bob, who commented on the bird's silence. " Is Wacko sick," he said, "or is he only repenting of his sins ? " It would be useless, of course, observed the Major, to say that /never taught him any of his flippant sayings. " Quite so," ejaculated the bird, chiming into the conversation. ^K hij-^irt-i 104 DKXOUXCED liV ins PARROT. Hut he certainly has got hold of- some rude and objectionable expressions for himself. He picked up most of his English on the voyage home. " Then if he's so quick and imitative, how is it lie only speaks English } Why didn't he pick up some of the African languages also?" asked Hill. Why, bless you, he docs speak a modern African dialect most of the time. His shrieks and screams and cries, as you boys call them, are only its verbs and nouns and adjectives. He speaks it a little indistinctly, I admit, and with a foreign accent; but the gabbl is genuine Lotolese. His laugh, when it is hearty, reminds me of King Pip's chuckle when his foragers brought him the two round youths who had won the first and second prizes in the Department of Fat Children at the Central African Exposition of Live Stock. " Give us another! " cried the parrot, as a specimen of the progress of his education under his new tutor. Bob now noticed Bill winking significantly, which led him to sus- pect that his big brother had something to do with the parrot's new phrases. Wacko has a perverse aptitude for profanity, resumed the Major. His former owner won no end of feathers at a fair, bv backing: him against a notorious native swearer. The man imprudently took first innings and swore himself out of breath. Then, though he had never heard them before, Wacko repeated all the Negro's wicked words without a mistake, capping them by a few from his own list. In the opinion of the colored gentleman who acted as umpire, it was '^ finest exhibit of domestic oaths ever offered at any industrial exposition in tho«e parts. Here the parrot cried : " I am the biggest liar out " The Major laughed, — too soon. DENOUNCED BY HIS PARROT. 105 " Nearly ! " added Wacko, completing the sentence, which wa;, another of his late acquisitions. The boys were tittering now. He certainly is rather loose in his statements, remarked Major Mendax. " Like master, like man," said Wacko after a pause. Soon he began to sing according to a parrot's notions of music, which are un- conventional. " Does he sing in Lotolese too } " asked Bill mischievously. But the Major was virtuously resolving to try and reform — his nephew and his parrot. io6 AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE. XXVI. AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE. ONE day, began the Major after tea, I observed a snake behav- ing in a very odd manner. He was peering round the hori- zon from the top of a custard- apple tree. On closer inspection I found an explanation of his antics. A fat coney, or " rock-rabbit," lay dead hard by ; and I recollected that snakes, because they fall into a state of coma after gorging, and become incapable of resistance> commonly make sure that no enemy is near, before they eat a hearty meal. This snake was only a little more knowing than his fellows, and had climbed a tree to get a better view. Now, even reptiles don't like being kept waiting for dinner, so he came down to drive me off. He was a tolerably biggish fellow, and gained rapidly upon me ; and I noticed, to my terror, that he be- longed to a species said by the negroes to be extremely venomous. When a snake can outrun you, your chances of getting away are slim. No tree, hole or river is a place of refuge. So I was abso- lutely forced to risk my safety on a single shot, for it was plain that I should never have time to reload. Cocking my rifle, I faced round, steadied my nerves, brought the sight upon the evil eye of the rep- tile and calmly pulled the trigger. But my firmness left me the moment I had fired, for the serpent wriggled on and on, quicker, if anything, than before. I had barely ' "mmi w AN AGREEABLE SURPRISE. 107 time to club my rifle when he was upon me. I struck wildly, missed, and lost my footing from the violence of my ineffectual blow. His green and scarlet scales flashed above me in the sun ; his body wreathed itself into a hundred curves. Then he erected him- self, arched his neck for the final dart, and dropt like an arrow on my prostrate neck. Somehow I did not feel his fangs; but then I had iieard before of people who never felt their death-blow. It was some minutes before my senses had returned sufliciently to enable me to notice that the snake was lying still with his head on my bosom. His head! What.^* Had 1 lost my head, or had he lost his? I gradually came to the conclusion that the loss was his, for I could feel my own cranium, and I could neither feel nor see his. Yes, my nerves had been steady when I fired — I had shot the top off the fcreature. Serpents, and worms, and eels, you know, are seldom thoroughly aware that they are dead until some moments after their decease. The news of the demise of one extremity does not reach the other extremity for a minute or two ; or, if it does, the latter extremity certainly goes on wriggling in a very unfeeling and unseemly man- ner. " United in death \ *' said a greedy viper, with tears in his eyes, when his twin brother stick in his throat and choked him. If the serpent that chased me uttered his regrets, I fancy he ex- pressed a totally different sentiment. It may have been equally un- selfish, though : he may have only mourned the separation from his better half. But I could not hear his last speech — his parting words were with his head, and that was far away. ^1 1 i; . j i 1 i *• .-"•^•WWWP io8 THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. 1 1 1 \ 1 • 1 il 1 HI XXVIL THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. WAAL I, son of Hassan the camel-dealer, borrowed the finest camel in his father's stud. He was going to make a runa- way match, like young Lochinvar, and his love was daughter of a desert chieftain who hated Waali and his creed of Islam. So Waali was right to select Benazi, a camel, or, strictly speaking, a drome- dary, famed for speed, sagacity, and endurance. A leisurely ride of two days — he rode leisurely to keep his camel fresh — brought him to his rendezvous. But he arrived a day too late. The terrible father of Kuku, for this was the fair one's name, had folded his tents and gone many miles farther into the desert. But Waali gamely resolved to persevere. The trail was broad, and fresh, and easy to follow unless it should be suddenly effaced by a simoom. After sundry hardships he reached the summer resort of Kuku's tribe — a grove, watered by a pretty stream. He caught the first glimpse of it over the summit of a little knoll. At the near side of the grove stood a dark and graceful figure, which his lovers instinct told him was Kuku"s. " Kneel, Benazi ! " he commanded ; and the camel knelt, and lowered his neck too; for he understood that his rider wanted to use the knoll as a screen. Waali had not to wait for nightfall, as he intended, for Kuku's watchful eye had seen his head and the camel's at the same moment that her lover had seen her ; so she strolled towards the knoll, to ^Wm THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. 109 satisfy her curiosity. After a fond embrace, Waali placed her behind him on the dromedary's back and urged Benazi to his utmost speed. No sooner had thev left the shelter of the knoll than the chieftain spied them. He roared for his lasso and assegai, and untethered his wild zebra, whicli delighted in pursuing fugitives, but could not be forced to budge on any other errand. The chase was a notable one. The fiery zebra, fresher and less encumbered, gained slightly but perceptibly on the camel. Their wild gallo}) was unbroken when, three hours later, the sun went down and the lustrous moon of the tropics loomed above the horizon. A little stream lay before them just then, and the lovers were thirsty and Waali's water-skin was empt}''. He loosed it from Benazi's side and appealed — not in vain — to the sagacity of the noble animal. The camel reached back his head, grasped the skin in his teeth, and lowered his long neck into the stream, as he trotted through it. The water gurgled into the opened mouth of the water-skin, which was full when Benazi, still running, stretched it back to his rider ; but not a drop found its way down the parched throat of the unselfish dromedary. He would not waste one pre- cious moment on himself. On they flew through the moonlit waste. Wild beasts that joined in the chase on their own account were soon hopelessly distanced. About midnight the camel was only ten rods ahead ; but half an hour later he was still keeping the same lead. His superior staying power was beginning to show. Seeing this the savage chieftain goaded his zebra with his spear-point, and the frenzied animal made a last effort to c. i upon the fugitives. Soon only five rods divided pursuers and pursued ; then four ; then three. The gentle Kuku shut her eyes and clung closer to her lover, as the chief poised his lasso and hurled it with unerrins: aim. ^■■.1 , no THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. But the intelligent Benazi saw the danger and tossed his long neck back above the heads of hi., riders. He knew that they could be pulled off his back, but Ins neck, he reckoned, was a fixture ; and besides, he trusted in his master's aid. The noose descended on his devoted neck ; but before it stopped or stifled him,, the alert V/aali severed it with his knife. This was the end of the race, for the zebra now dropped more and more behind in spite of the threats and cruelty of his rider. At last the jaded animal fell heavily and lay motionless ; and the angry chieftain faded from the lovers' view, impotently shaking his assegai and mumbling wicked oaths in Tuaric. Poor Benazi, too, was nearly dropping before very long. The drain of that desperate race hp.d quite exhausted those wonderful reserves of fat and of water that every camel carries inside ; and next morning his hump had well-nigh disappeared. " What ! " exclaimed little Bob in bewilderment. " Camels do lose their humps from exhaustion," said Bill decisively. Benazi did, at all events, resumed the Major; not a vestige of his hump remained in the afternoc n ; for they had come to no water ever since the pursuit ended, and Waali wanted all that was in the water-skin for Kuku and himself. The young couple reached their destination that evening, having made a six days' journey in little more than one. Old Hassan hastened to congratulate his son and welcome his daughter-in-law to her new home. Her trotisseau, indeed, was sadly " conspicuous by its absence," as the reporters say ; but she brought a dower of beauty and innocence, and the camel-dealer had never learned in any centre of civilization to ignore his children's sentiments in select- ing spouses for them. But when he saw the humpless camel, he did not recognize it at <•. THE ILL-REQUITED CAMEL. \\\ all, and treated the scraggy animal's endearments with disgu^ \ scorn. He thought his son had been swapping camels ' nc „ jen beaten in the trade. " Ah, you fright of a cainel ! " he exclaimed, " why did you come to me instead of my own beautiful Benazi } " And he began belaborino- the dilapidated beast in his .'exation. " He is Benazi, and he saved my life ! " cried Waali. But the explanation was too late. The heroic animal died at the first blow. Ingratitude, more strong than traitors' arms, quite van- quished him. His heart — which had remained stout when his hump shrunk and his various stomachs failed — his heart was broken. ■■'\ On the spot where he fell a monument was erected some months afterwards by his remorseful master, with a legend in Arabic: — HERE LIES BENAZI, THE GELERT OF HIS KIND. So "nations, slowly wise and meanly just, To buried merit raise the tardy bust." 112 Mr O WN BUGBEAR, XXVIII. MY OWN BUGBEAR. AMONG Its other wasted wonders the western Sahara hid the hideousness of a native boy, called Nigg. He had a inouth reaching very nearly from ear to ear, jagged teeth, a teapot nose, and tie crossest cross-eyes to be found in the Old World. A piebald complexion and a hare-lip were among his charms ; for his beauty, like a bull-dog's, consisted in his ugliness. Moreover, he was the only negro I ever heard of who was both red-haired and partly bald. His fame was becoming so great that travelers were beginning to take him in as one of the sights of Africa. When things had come to this point I went to see him myself, and found him even more hideous than he was rumored to be. My horse bolted at the first sight of him, and I could hardly make the animal come near him, even after the youngster had closed his eyes and mouth, as his parents bid him do. I had heard of people being " frights " before, but this fellow was one in earnest. So I thought it well to secure him before his parents knew his worth or grew con- ceited about him. These simple old folk gave him up for the mod- erate price of ninety-three cents, and thought they had made a good bargain. I called for him next day, and brought a blind mule to carry him to my house. His parents ne>^er kissed him when bidding him good- ^Tl' Arr owy bugbear. "3 bye. and even his mother had to shut her eyes when he stood in front of her. lie was very docile, and kept before me all the way, as he was told, without looking round once or frightening my horse. Having fully determined to grow accustomed to him, I forced myself to look at him many times each day, and soon was able to view his face for several seconds without shuddering. After a while I even began to fear that Nigg was not so very frightful after all, at least not frightful enough to scare cannibals and beasts of prt^y, as I liad fondly hoped when purchasing him. However, I was cheered up from time to time by seeing the terrifying effect he produced on men and animals that saw him for the first time. None of these were more alarmed than he himself* was when he first looked into a mirror. He started back with a yell, and rushed to me, exclaiming: " Massa' massa ! Black debbil in a dish ! Black debbil in a dish ! " He was generally an amiable lad and so he rather astonished me one day by darting a spiteful glance at his mule, which had just thrown him. Wei! for the mule that it was blind, for I never saw so hideous a face in a dream, even after eating four platefuls of i^lum-pudding. For my part, although the sight did bring on a siif?"ht attack of the chills, I was quite charmed at this proof of Nigg's powers. If any hyena, or snake, or gorilla, could face the face Nigg made then, I wanted to see the animal. And so I took Nigg out on a hunting expedition. The first beast we came upon was a leopard, which lay on the carcase of an antelope, and growled as animals are wont to do when interrupted at their meals. " ' Make the face you made at the mule ! ' " I cried. But poor Nigg never looked more frightened and less frightful than when he tried to do so. If the leopard was not showing signs of charging, I think I should have burst out laughing at the abject terror of the boy. In another second he was runninc: for his life, and ! liH 114 liir O WiV BUGBEAR. the leopard after him. However, I managed to bowl the beast over at the first sliot, for he presented a full broadside as he bounded after Nigg._ This cowardice of Nigg seemed fatal to my hope of using him as a body-guard. He vv'as frightened by every animal that wc wanted to friqhten, and he only scared the animals we wanted to get near. 1 could not get a shot at a deer or anteloi^e closer than five hundred yards, and was soon forced to turn homewards from loss of ammuni- tion and want of meat. I spent my last cartridge, in missing a gazelle, about ten miles from home. Soon after this unlucky shot we entered a valley, through which a stream ha'' formerly flowed. Happening to look a-hc? <, I saw some creature creeping stealthily towards our path. Its outlines were obscured by the dense shade of a tamarind tree, which stood at the edge of a thicicet. My horse was too tired, and the ground ♦"oo uneven, to retreat ; besides which disadvantages a violent wind would be blowing in our faces if we turned. To go on boldly was our best chance. If I could only call forth that Gorgon glance that Nigg had once wasted on his blind mule ! There was Nigg, and there was the mule. The same causes generally produce the same effects. The question, therefore, was how to make the mule throw Nigg. Happily, Nigg had not seen the wild beast, which I could only see dimly myself, and that because I knew where to look for it. As we approached the tree, I leaned forward in my saddle and tickled the mule with my whip. Most African cattle start violently when anything like an in- sect touches them ; for some insect bites are fatal to them. Up went the mule's " business end," and down went the unexpect- ing Nigg, with his angry face happily turned from me and towards the ambushed beast. With a howl, rather than a roar, a large lion sprang from the thicket and disappeared beyond the summit of the r "ni Ml' OWX BUGBEAR. 115 right-hand slope. Such a shivering, wilted, scared animal in a lion's skin I never saw before or after." " And what became of Nigg afterwards? " asked Bill, as the Major made a pause. In spite of his usefalness on this one occasion, said the Major, I found him too unreliable to employ as a scarecrow. A friend, learning that I was disappointed in the boy, begged him of me, prom- ising to use him kindly; and so I gave him away. I did foolishly, for the rascally " friend " sold him soon afterwards for ^'2,000 as an escort to some traders from Morocco." " As an escort ! " ejaculated Bill. Yes. You see these fellows have to take a number of armed men with them in their trading expeditions, and Nigg was just as mu:h protection, for they knew hoiv to use him. I might have guessed how myself, for I had often been told in my boyhood that anybody could scare a bull by merely turning his back to the animal and bending down and gazing calmly at it through his legs. The sudden change of shape, they say, will frighten any animal unused to transformation scenes. It is true that little Washington Smith tried the dodge unsuccess- fully with our bull, Jack Horner. But Horner either understood transformations or else thought the new animal before him would toss just as nicely as a boy. After a further brief transformation into a bird, little Wash touched the ground on the safe side of the fence, thereby shortening the pleasant pastime of the bull. But then, you see, Nigg had certain advantages that little Wash had not. His face, looking at one in this inverted and unusual posi- tion, was simply diabolical. Not a lion, nor a buffalo, nor any other living thing wanted any closer acquaintance with so terrible a crea- ture. " Is he an escort still } " inquired little Bob. f : \ i: V ii6 T//£ '^PORCUPINEii. No, the poor fellovv, said the Major. The traders once came upon a short-sighted lion, wliicli did not sec Nigg, and consequently did not run away, and tlie unhappy escort was forced to stay with his head down until he died from pressure of blood upon the brain. Poor Nigg! Barring perhaps the Gorgon Medusa and the Veiled Prophet of Khorassan, he certainly was the ugliest thing out. i ■ii' ! XXIX. THE " PORCUPINES." "ARE the stories of explorers true, Uncle, about the nearly white •i\ tribes they found in Africa .'* " asked little Bob. Perhaps so, said the Major ; indeed, I have reason to believe there may be more pale Africans than would appear on the surface. " Do you mean that they burrow in the ground, like the Diggers } " Not exactly. But perhaps I can explain my idea best by telling you how I came to form it : — In one of my expeditions, my servant and I — ourselves concealed by the foliage of an aloe— saw a fierce battle between two tribes. One of these was light brown, the other apparently quite black. Contrary to the usual order of things, the sable race, though far inferior in numbers, routed their lighter enemies. What most sur- prised me in the combat was the pluck and endurance of the victors in bearing their wounds. Several of them actually joined in the pursuit with quite a dozen arrows sticking in their bodies. They did not, in fact, seem the least inconvenienced by the wounds of these missiles, although the chances were that their opponents, like " "(VIUIT TIU': '^ PORCUPINES. wj most natives of those regions, used poisoned arrows. The pursuers would even draw the shafts out of their own bodies witliout flinching and fire them at the fu<>itiv(} foes. I soon guessed the victorious tribe to be the widely-dreaded " Porcupines," and I now understood one of the fabulous stories told about them, namely, that spears and arrows grew, ready made, out of their bodies. So interested was I in their strange hardihood, tliat I lay in hidino: till the nioht, in order to survcv the battle-fiold, and find out whether these heroes were made of ordinary flesh and blood. We found only one " Porcupine," and he had been killed by an arrow in the eye. There were tb.ree or four other missiles sticking in his body. These my servant pulled out with their points quite dry ! On a closer examination of the body, we found it covered with a crust or coat of dirt, varvinq; from one to two inches in thick- ness, which rendered it almost ir .penetrable to arrows. This, then, was the secret of the " Porcupines " ! It was this that enabled them to defeat superior numbers, and made them the "boss" tribe of that portion of the desert. Their braves never washed. No, never ; not even on their marriage-days and their yearly feasts, when their neighbors sometimes did. These fellows had the same advantage ver their cleaner enemies which the mail- clad crusading knights had over the Saracens. Besides, they had a double stock of ammunition without the trouble of carrying it, for they could use the arrows which struck them, as these seldom reached the skin, andnever went an inch beneath it. The malarious dews of the- swamps, the burning sands of the desert, driven by the simoom, never entered the sealed pores of their skin. But perhaps a still greater benefit of their dirt was that no wild beast, however hungry, could manage to eat one of them. A cruel chief once exposed a captive " Porcupine " to his pet lion, which '•^■'^^i\\ ■■■ '.111 ii8 riri: " roRcupixusr h? had previously. starved for three days. Hut the most the beast did w^?, \.o craci' i/ic s/x/n v>f its victim. Tlieii it turned away vvitl\ the expression of a sick child that has taken a dose without jam, and observed in Hon-language to its mate, " JMuch shell, sour kernel." These " Porcupines " are called *' Running Quivers " v \^>other native dialect, both names having been given them froui their habit of discharging the arrows which stick in their own bodies in a battle. ** But what have these nasty * Porcupines' to do with the white tribes I asked about .-* " said Bob. Why, I thought I told you that in reality they had skins far whiter than their enemies. Doubtless this is due partly to the shelter from the sun afforded by their outer crust, and partly to their general love of shade. It was once the fashion among them, I was told, to sow cotton plants in the alluvial soil of their heads, thereby making up for the lack of shady trees and enabling them to sell all their ostrich feathers. And now, good night, boys, added the Major, yawning; it's after bed-time. " He said his servant was with him, Bob," said Bill, rising : " he can tell us more about these * Porcupines.' " Oh, its no use asking Aristides, said the Major; I had a different servant then. " But you said the other day that Aristides had been your servant ever since you went to Africa ! " I ought to have said most of the time ; but the fact is I hate to think of his predecessor. " Why so ? " Because I killed him! The poor fellow never washed and seldom worked aj^ain after he discovered the secret of the " Porcu- pines." He wouldn't wash for fear of being killed by an arrow or a A USEFUL KNOT. 119 lion; and he wouldn't work because his scales got so thick that whipping unl}^ amused him. So ore day I set to chipping off his crust with a hammer and chisel. However, I grew tired by the time 1 had cleared his right half, and I deferred the remaining half to the next day. By the morning he had died of uneven exposure — like the sheep with the two owners who could not agree upon the best time to shear it. " But I thought it was never cold in Africa," observed BilL Nor zvas it cold, said the Major ; but if you were accustomed to clothes over an inch thick, and had them suddenly taken away, 1 fancy you'd /t'^/ cold anywhere. XXX. A USEFbL KNOT. WHY do you part your hair on tJie right, Uncle ? " asked Bill. Ah ! said the Major, that is owing to a little accident that happened me in Senegal. I remember feeling like a mouse which has been cut off from its hole and sees a cat approaching stealthilv throufjli the sfrass. It was indeed a great cat, of the leopard species, that I saw creep- ing through the long, prickly underbrush, as I lay on my back under a dragon-tree, enjoymg my mid-day rest. He was some yards away at the other side of the tree, and the moment after I percei/ed him he had put the trunk between my eyes and him. Suspecting mischief, I rose and stepped instinctively towards the tree. The blanket on which I had lain helped to mufHe my footsteps, and fortunately a soft moss covered the earth between the roots. .1^ 5 f 120 A USEFUL KNOT. i •I ■.: 'i % Bn k Bh I - II ' ' ■I ' '1 ■1 ' M 1 II > n mm ' H ' I now bitterly regretted having forgotten my gun in the tent. The fact is that I had strolled our it. the dragon-tree with the sole object of escaping the noon heat beneath its ample shade, and that, having slept some nights unmolested close by, I had grown careless. There was no earthly mode of climbing the stem on the side next me ; but I had a vague hope that I might find some bush-rope or creeper on the other side, or perhaps some natural notches such as I had sometimes noticed on old trees. I moved half-way round the trunk, which was some twenty feet in girth, without finding any aids of the kind, and, stranger still, without seeing any sign of the enemy. At last I perceived the tip ot his tail moving before me round the tree. He was evidently stalking me. I followed him almost breath- lessly. Clearly, as long as I could keep his tail in sight, he could not overtake me from behind. His tail, by the by, was an unusually long one. When he had finished one circuit of the trunk he quickened his pace a little, and I quickened mine. Soon he paused to listen. His tail was now in contact with a high, exposed root of tlie draca^na. The opportunity was too good to lose. I jumped forward and in a trice had tied his tail to the root by a sailor's knot. But it was tough rope to handle, and no mistake. Before I could get away the leopard had reared round on his hind legs, and placing his fore paws one on each shoulder, had pulled me on my knees. For a .second his eyes glared into mine and I felt his unpleasant breath on my cheek. Just then he felt the unwonted drag on his tail, and faced round to attend to the assailant in the rear. It was only for a moment, but that moment .put me out of the brute's reach. One of his claws, however, divided my hair, a3 I was retreat- ing backward, scratching the scalp in a rather ugly manner. And this is the reason why I never part my hair on the left side, as you noticed. ^ff A USEFUL KNOT. \2t V. The leopard, whose tail had so traitorously helped his enemy, was delivered from his sad predicament by his consort. Soon after I had reached the tent, his roars were answered from the neiehborimr wood, and a few pretty bounds brought his fond leopardess to tho rescue. Finding him in durance vile, she howled piteously at first; but after a while she bit his tail off above the knot, and he slunk away with a shortened and shabby-looking appendage. I regret having to record that a leopardess which had so nobly helped her mate in his sore need should have then meanly deserted him. But the very next day I saw her keeping company with another leopard, who sported a long and elegant tail. This conduct of hers led her husband to remark, in the bitterness of his heart ; " Better be out of the world than out of the fashion L" And he only wished his tail was long enough to hang himself by. In which event he fondly believed his charmer would repent of her fickleness. And there I think he believed right — but whether her repentance would arise from his tragic death or rather from the restoration of his tail, recalling her wayward affections too late, I must leave to the philosophers to decide. 'U» il 122 A BRIDGE OF SIGHS. XXXI. A BRIDG£ OF SIGHS. YOU are mistaken if you think that mosquitoes exercise no dis- cretion in selecting their victims. If they acted without cau- tion, why should they prefer to bite sleeping, fishing, and spooning people } But the African mosquito beats ours in cun r. ;, as it does in size. On one of the northern tributaries of the Nige. die long trunk of a sago-palm forms a bridge. There is no other means of crossing the stream within some miles of the spot ; so that even nervous travelers are bound to risk the passage. Once embarked upon the log, it is more dangerous for one to turn back than to go on. Swimming across is out of the question. On the only two occasions that I walked over that trunk, which I never will walk over again, I saw the snout of an ill-natured-looking crocodile just under me. He opened his mouth a bit, as if to show his readiness to accommodate the traveling public. He probably waits there always. By the roots of that fallen tree dwelt a fiendish tribe of mosquitoes. I must give them thepahn for being the biggest and ugliest specimens of the genus Ciilcx. They lived in perpetual ambush, never attacking anybody until he was well advanced upon the trunk and unable to defend himself. To move one's hand rapidly there means probably to lose ones balance ; and the cunning gnats knew this too well. They lit on every square inch of your face and neck, and strolled about until they had selected a tender spot. Then they bit you at their leisure and loved to contemplate your pained expression. Their ■■ ! A DILEMMA— STINGS ABOVE OR JAWS BELOW. (12?>) A BRIDGE OF SIGHS. 125 individual hums seemed like so many mocking laughs, while the whole band played a sort of triumphal march. Most people would prefer instant suicide, if they did not dislike to gratify the crocodile, who was apparently in league with the insects. The day I crossed the trunk I was forced to return by it the same evening in order to rejoin the wagons. I covered my face and neck and hands as well as possible with palm-leaves, and puffed a cigar as fast as I could. But these mosquitoes had no objection to smoking, and my precautions did no good beyond disappointing my persecutors a little. They bit through all my armor, but they did not enjoy them- selves as much as usual. The next time I came to that tree-bridge I came as an avenger and had my magnifying glasses on. I spotted the mosquito sentinel winking a signal into a hole, which I rightly guessed to be the head- quarters. Before the guard could turn out, I clapt a poultice on the place and numbered it among the buried cities of the plain. But I had not wholly annihilated the swarm, a few members of which were out of doors ; nor indeed was this the only nest of wicked gnats in that neighborhood. True, it had claimed a monopoly of all game passing the bridge, and had driven away all poachers. Now, however, that its ascendancy was destroyed, a crowd of mixed flies rendered the sago-palm still far from a desirable promenade. I was told that a Mohammedan fakir started to cross this bridge twenty Ive times a day. He considered it the best available practice for the Bridge of Al Sirat, which, you know, spans the Seven Hells and must be crossed before the true believer gets into Paradise. But he had much less practice than he expected, for on the eighth day he fainted from loss of blood and fell into the river. The unmurmuring patience of the crocodile really deserved some encouragement about that time. It is to be hoped the holy man had better luck at the next crossing. V: I '!>' -1 126 CAUGHT BF THE CAXX/BALS. t f XXXII. CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS. STOP pinching me, you young scoundrel ! " Why are you so thin there, uncle ? " asked little Bob. Oh, that's where they carved me, replied the Major. " Who ? " cried both the boys. The cannibals. " What did they carve you for ? " For supper, answered the Major. " But I didn't think they'd eat you raw, observed Bob. Nor did they : they cooked me, or rather my chop, with the greatest care. This is the way it was : — I was going inland to secure a fine lot of feathers, and a young missionary had availed himself of my escort to return to his post in the interior. On the second night of our journey we were surprised by a wandering band of cannibals. Their chief, the redoubted N'go, felt us and numbered us, in order of merit, for his table. The mis- sionary, fat, and young, and tender, and innocent, was number one. I was number four, being classed after the negro wagoners. I accepted my ignominious position without a murmur. Unhappy Abednego Q. Smith ! He had come to open the ears and the hearts of the natives, and he only opened their mouths. He had come to cure their souls, and they cured his body — for their chief CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS. 127 had part of him pickled for his future use. They did not read mark, and learn him ; but they did inwardly digest him. The cannibals held hicfh jinks for three days, and I was '^rced to see my companions, one after the other, suffering horribly , or N'go was a luxurious liver and had adopted the Abyssinian recipe, de- scribed in Bruce's Travels, for increasing the tenderness of meat. He always insisted on having his chops or steaks cut from a living animal. The fourth morning dawned, but my doom was deferred for three days more. " Why so ? " asked Bob. The victim who preceded me had poisoned himself just before he was carved. He disasfreed with the whole tribe and took awav their appetites for a day. Next morning they came upon my keg of whisky and were dead drunk all the fifth day and night. Thanks to my almanac, I played the old eclipse dodge on the sixt^^ day, and, my prophecy proving true, they were afraid to lay hands on me for some hours after. But on the seventh day N'go's appetite overcame every scruple. Before noon I was soundly swipped by his head cook that my nervous spasms might make my flesh tender. Then he skilfully cut olY a chop for his master s supper. N go liked it and graciously 'expressed his intention of breakfasting off me next morning. I was accordingly to be kept alive another night. " But didn't you bleed awfully, uncle ? " asked Bob. Not a bit in the world, answered the Major ; the savages had an herb which was an excellent styptic, and very soothing into the bargain. But all they cared for was that it kept the meat nice and fresh. I know I was surprised at feeling so little pain or incon- venience, — in fact, I recollect noticing how savory my chop smelt when it was beine broiled. 128 CAUGHT BY THE CANNIBALS. % Nevertheless, when night had fallen I wished it was all over, and envied Ihe Rev. Abednego s fat and fate. " If one must be done, 'twere well one were done quickly," as Shakespeare remarked to the King of the Cannibal Islands. This dying by half pounds, I mused, could only happen under a bloated monarchy. Were these canni- bals freemen they would make a barbecue of me ! My regrets were ended by an appalling scream. It was the war- cry of the Xus, a hostile tribe, who burst, like famished wolves, upon their sleeping foes. To say that my captors were trussed and ready for dressing in a very few minutes would be quite unnecessary if you knew anything of the leader of the Xus, who was surnamed Gorilla, from his ferocity and strength. V'^ was very nearly as dreadful a being as a monarch whom the poet describes : — "King Boria Bungalee Boo Was a man-eating African. smell ; His breatii was a hullabaloo, His whisper a terrible yell. " Gorilla ordered me to be untied, for he generously unbinds his enemies' captives, at all events when their choicest cuts have been already used. In return I directed his attention to the whisky; and while he was in the genial stage of drunkenness he commanded six •of his followers to escort my wagon home. The suffering N'go groaned as he saw me going away uneaten : "It is truth the poet sings, That a sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier things.*' l"':l THE ASHUS. 119 XXXIII. THE ASHUS. " 1~^ID you ever meet any other cannibals ? " J_y I used to do a good deal of business with the Ashus, a small tribe who occupied the second oasis from our trading-post, answered the Major. " But weren't you afraid to deal with them, uncle ? " asked little Bob. Not at all : to eat me would have been like killing the goose with the golden eggs. Why, with the beads and shells I paid them every year for feathers they could buy a dozen blacks, younger and plumper than I. Besides, these Ashus had once been partially Christianized. Indeed, there were still some remains of Christianity among them. I was shown a missionary's skull in their chief's tent, and they say a grace for what they are about to receive — with extra fervor when they are sitting down to a good fat boy. They don't call themselves men-eaters, but " Lovers of Mankind," and they feel quite virtuous when indulg- ing in their favorite food. "Are not men better than reptiles.?" asked one of them, when somebody commented on their national diet. Not one of them would taste an oyster, or turtle, or frog ; and they would rather grill their grandmothers than chew tobacco — per- haps for the same scriptural reason that made the Russians before Peter the Great condemn smoking, so Voltaire tells us, " because not 9 ; j: In 130 THE ASHUS. that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which goeth out of the mouth." The Ashus arc bound to take care of their young children, but commonly leave them to shift for themselves at twelve. In the struggle for existence that ensues the fittest (not the fattest) survive. But they never cook relations — 'vvhen provisions are plentiful. My own host unselfishly resigned his three plumpest sisters to their admirers, though he considered all three of them likely to be young ladies of very good taste — if nicely cooked. The only mark of his emotion, as he performed these acts of self-sacrifice, was a slight swallowing in the throat. During a famine this pious Ashu ate his favorite wife, that she might not be contaminated by the teeth of strangers. " I never knew how much I loved her before ! " he sobbed, bending disconsolately over her last bone. " How charming she looked when she was dressed for dinner! She was too sweet to live long." So you see even cannibals may have their feelings. CHASED BV A HOOP-SNAKE. »3i XXXIV. CHASED BY A HOOP-SNAKE. IN the Yelgree forest, near our trading-post, there was a big snake that had adopted rapid transit. I saw him when he first learned it. He was chasing a omall hoop-snake, when the little one put his tail in his mouth, after the manner of his kind, and rolled clean out of sight. Well, what did his big snakeship do but put his own tail into his mouth and begin practising ! After a few turns he grew accustomed to the thing, and in half an hour could beat the best bicycle time on record. A few days after this I shot a deer, and was carrying its horns home. As I was passing a few hundred yards from the Yelgree forest, I saw what seemed to be a loose wheel coming out of the wood. It was the biggest wheel I ever saw. I felt almost as if the polar circle had got loose from its fixings, and was making for me at double-quick. " Hoop la ! " I cried, and then I shut up, for I saw it was the big revolving python. 'Twas no use shooting at his head, for he was revolving at the rate of sixty miles an hour ; and no use trying to escape unless I could hire an express engine on the spot. So I just lay down to make it harder for the reptile to swallow me. I meant that he should take me broadside, if at all. 132 CHASED BT A HOOP-SNAKE. When the snake came up and noticed the deer's horns, he shivered, just as a Ch isti?n would if he saw a horned man! As I lay, they must have seemed to be growing out of my head, and the python may have mistaken me for the Old Serpent himself. What- ever his idea may have been, he had not ceased shivering before he made tracks for the forest, disappeared from my gaze, and let me go in peace. On my way home I reflected that horned animals are bad for the health of serpents, which swallow their prey whole, and that, time ind again, imprudent pythons and joas have been found dead with deer all swallowed but the antlers. " A snake," I said to myself, " that is smart enough to take a hint in the way of locomotion is smart enough to take a hint in the way of feeding." Anyhow, his prudence or his fears lost him a good meal, for I was fat then and fairly young and tender. A little learning is a danger- ous thing for snakes. -^m^m^fmr A FIRE-BALLOON. ^ZZ XXXV. A FIRE-BALLOON. '* "\70U promised to show us how to make a fire-balloon before 1 my birthday," Bill reminded his uncle one day. So I will, my boy, said the Major; and I only hope you may find the knowledge as useful as I did once. " How could it have been useful ? " It only saved a thousand human beings from destruction — that was all. " Tell us the story, uncle," begged little Bob. Well, began the Major, I had just bought up all the feathers that the Kabyles had for sale, and was waiting till their ostrich hunters should return to camp with a new lot. These Kabyles are a tribe of the Tuarick nation which is scattered over the whole southern desert ; and I liked doing business with them, for I always found them friendly and fair. On the present trip I had given them fireworks for their goods, for these savages were getting tired of beads and humming tops and glass marbles. The new medium of exchange had proved attractive and successful. I had secured several thousand dollars' worth of feathers for one box of fire- crackers, two catherine-wheels, ten rockets, and thirteen Roman candles — not including a few specimens of each kind which I had let off to show what they were like. I had some ready-made fire- works still left, besides materials for making several fire-balloons. \m IIS: :f| 134 A FIRE-BALLOON. I was sitting on the ground, eating my supper with Chummi, the cliief of the tribe, when we saw a cloud of dust to the southward. At first we fancied it was a whirlwind, but presently we could see men moving beneath it, and soon shields and assegais glittered in the rays of the setting sun. Half an hour later the darkness would have been complete, and we should have been taken by surprise. As it "-as, Chummi had just time to call his warriors to arms and to man the steep bank of the Wady Waa, which lay between us and the approaching forces. Chummi was afraid they were certain can- nibals from the south who had sent out a foraging expedition which was known to be not very far away. If Chummi's surmise was cor- rect, the outlook was a gloomy one, for the best men of the Kabyles were away hunting. However, the new comers might not venture to ford the Wad)^ which luckily was full of water, in the night ; and our hunters might be back before the mornino;. When the advancing host had come to the other side of the Wady, there way just enough light remaining to see that it more than doubled ours in number ard to recognize, in its front ranks, the Kabyle hunters bound together with thongs. A cry of horror burst from the Kabyles at this sight, which confirmed their worst f^ars. The cry seemed to embolden the cannibals, who had halted and seemed doubtful about crossing in the rapidly increasing darkness. Some of them now dashed forwards ; but the first two men who entered the water fell before my rifle, and the others fled back from this unexpected weapon. They soon showed signs of leaving us in peace for that night, for they began to light fires and prepare for their horrible supper. I resolved to rescue their victims, if possible. To this end I bade Chummi to notify his warriors to expect something strange and on no account to run away. I also told him to have a dozen men in readiness to discharge the rockets at a moment's notice. Then A FIRE-BALLOON. 135 I went to my wagon, unj^acked my fiic-balloon materials, put Chummi's pet kitten in my pocket, and withdrew with my servant to the windward of the enemy. I will give you a rough idea of how I made my fire-balloon — another time I will show you, which is better. I pasted together long strips of tissue-paper, of between an oblong and an oval shape. These were joined and made air-tight at the top, but pasted round a strong circula' wire at the bottom. This circular wire had a cross wire, piercing a sponge soaked in spirits of wine, which I set fire to. The burning spirit heats and expands the air inside the paper frame until it becomes lighter than the surrounding atmosphere, into which the balloon then rises and floats away till the flame expires. Of course you must take great care that the paper does not catch fire before it swells out into its proper shape. On that occasion I made my servant sit on the branch of a tree to hold the top of the balloon while I lit the spirits of wine. It was a dry and calm evening ; so the paste soon dried, and there was no hitch of any kind. When the balloon was inflated and straining in its efforts to rise, I tied the kitten by a string to the cross wire so as to make a sort of tail to the balloon. I considered this seeming cruelty justified by its merciful object. At first the balloon would xiot carry the extra weight ; but it was a ten-footer, and in a few moments^ when the air inside grew hotter, it rose. Away it sailed majestically into the darkness — a ball of red, and blue, and white flame, for the strips of paper were of different colors. As I had started it to the windward of the enemy, of course it floated towards them, the kitten all the while piercing the air with its mewings. The fires of the cannibals were blazing now. They had cut the thongs of the fattest captives and we3^ just handing them over to the cooks, when a flight of rockets hissed through the air from the * 1 II 136 A FIRE-BALLOON. \ ■ I Kabyle side of the Wady, and burst into Balls and serpents of flame over their astonished heads. At first the savages uttered screams of terror. But their cries died away in their throats, as they beheld an unearthly visitor cleaving its way more slowly through the heavens and coming directly toward them. It was a thing of marvellous beauty, made of many-colored flame, and it floated evenly and grace- fully on. Nevertheless it was evidently a malign spirit, for its voice was harsh, and shrill, and curdling to the blood. As it came nearer and nearer, and as its screeches grew louder and louder, the canni- bals prostrated themselves before it in silent adoration. The power of motion had apparently left them. My object, which was to make them fly, thus seemed likely to fail from the very excess of their terror. I therefore walked across the Stream and exploded two boxes of fire-crackers among them. This roused them from their stupor, and, the balloon having already passed over their heads, they mustered up courage enough to flee, uttering yells of alarm and not even thinking of their captives. They never afterwards molested the Kabyle tribe, which had so evidently formed an alliance with evil genii; A PAIR OF BRIGHT Eri:S. 137 XXXVI, A PAIR OF BRIGHT EYES. " T~^ID a wild beast ever come into your house ? " asked little J_>/ Bob, one evening. Once, replied the Major, There was a door open from my bed- room into the garden, which was a foot below it. I generally took precious good care to fasten this door, but on that occasion I suppose I must have forgotten it. In the night I awoke with an uneasy sense of something being wrong. I could barely see that the door into the garden was ajar, for the night was dark, and several cotton-trees spread their branches outside. But I distinctly saw two lurid balls of fire in the direction of the aforeside door. I knew they must be the eyes of some animal of the feline tribe — a small animal, I reasoned, if it was standing on the floor ; a large one if it was standing in the garden. The eyes seemed large and far apart, but possibly that was partly owing to my fright. My doubts were soon solved, for the fiery eyes suddenly rose a foot or so higher, and at the same time a soft pat on the floor just reached my ear. The beast had placed its fore paws on the floor, its hind paws still resting in the garden. Beyond a doubt it was a lion ; and its stealthy mode of approach looked as if it meant business. Between my bed and the garden door was a table on which lay 138 A PAIR OF BRIGHT EYES. I! some matches and my firearms. They were within my reach and loaded. The barrel of my rifle nearly pointed at the door, and there- fore at the intruder. But a false aim meant instant death to me, and how could I aim truly ? I could not see the barrel, much less the sights of my rifle. To light a match would show me to the beast and make it spring at once. Nevertheless 1 felt for a match me- chanically, and found one. Fortunately I grasped it by the head, as I knew by seeing a faint glow on my finger. That gleam of phosphorus was a gleam of hope to me ! I clutched my rifle noiselessly and felt along the barrel for the sights. I rubbed them gently with the match-head, just enough to make two flickering points of light. These must have been invis- ible to the lion at first, for I took care to keep the barrel slightly raised. Pat ! pat ! Up came the beast's hind legs on the floor, with a sharper sound, as if his claws were just coming out of their pin-cush- ions. Down went his eyes, burning brighter than before. He was evidently crouching for a spring. But my rifle had been lowered a second earlier, until the points of flickering phosphorus had come into line and rested between the lion's glaring' eyes. The illuminated sights of my trusty weapon went down with him as he crouched. Then I cocked the rifle, which I thought it wise to. do the last thing. The click, click ! of the trigger broke the.silence. I cocked and fired almost simultaneously. The sharp report of the rlf\e was accompanied by another sound, which I had not calculated upon — the peculiar roar of a lion when he springs upon his prey. No wonder the Hebrews had different words to express the angry, the hungry, and the frightened roaring of this animal ; and it is this variety in his tones that has made travel- lers as trustworthy as myself give such opposite descriptions of his roar. ■81 11' ^^^ A PAIR OF BRIGHT EYES. 139 In a second I was dashed back on my bed ; the beast lay upon me, and I could hear his fearful fore-claws tearing through the mat- tress. But my terror was soon over, for the bullet had entered his brain, and his dying spasms ceased in a few seconds. The muscular exertion of his spring had probably been made before I fired. My serant, who was awakened by the noise, pulled my body from where it lay — between the lion's hind and fore paws. One ol the latter had grazed my left cheek, making the furrow which you see there. " But I thought that was a wrinkle," remarked Bill ; " and you have one like it on the right cheek" Ah, so I have, said the Major. I was a vain young dog in those days, and had the other cheek cut to match. Some men v^ould have a second story ready to account for the second cheek, but I always stick to facts. " And stick at nothing ! " whispered the irrepressible Bill '•I' "^'^••■■p 140 T/^BA SURE-TRO VE, XXXVII. TREASURE-TROVE. 1 IT is commonly, but wrongly, supposed that no African tribes practice husbandry. The little land of Boo, ruled by the amiable monarch Boo-bee, is so fertile and well-watered that it supplies all the wants of its inhabitants. They never roam the desert, like other tribes, but stay at home and support themselves by honest toil — by climbing trees and gathering dates and tamarinds. No. Bill, I cannot " t'ell you the latitude and longitude of Boo," because I never learned how to calculate those things. This educational want has actually exposed my discoveries to some sus- picion. Let my sufferings, boys, be a warning to you. In this favored land bloomed the Princess Nulla, the pride of Boo- bee and the pearl of Boo. This king's daughter was glorious to behold. The royal diamond, a magnificent gem, hung from her neck on a lovely necklace of red twine. Her teeth were white and exquisitely filed, and her nails were pared in artistic imitation of the Egyptian pyramids. She was fairer and fatter, and had more beads and lovers than any maiden in the tribe. But her beauty was softened by that nameless expression of sadness which has so often been noticed in the faces of persons doomed to extraordinary sufferings. It was an evil hour when Wagga, surnamed the Antelope, thought WP TREASURE-TRO VE. 241 of wooing the Pearl of Boo. He resembled an antelope in fleetness of foot rather than in gentleness of disposition, and was the son of a chief who had been executed for high treason. On that occasion Wagga had won the favor of the simple Boo-bee by informing against his own father; and hence it was with her parent's consent that the young man paid his addresses to Nulla. There were those who sus- pected that Wagga loved her diamond more than herself, for he had been to Sierra Leone, and had learned that Christians value these gems very much more highly than heathens, and pay amazing prices for them. At all events, he proposed and was rejected, gently though de- cidedly, for Nulla never liked to hurt her lovers' feelings. Indeed, she never coquetted, or led them on by winking, touching noses, or any other undue familiarities, like certain young ladies she could name, if heathen charity permitted her to do so. Soon after this disappointment, Wagga, relying on his speed, went early in the morning to the pool of Gu, the abode of a great snake, which was the scourge and terror of Boo. No one else would ap- proach within a mile of it. But Wagga, when the python was lazy, liked to tease it into chasing him, and to mock it when it returned, baffled, to its lair. All the way to the pool the young man was thinking about a new law enacted by the King, acting as high justice of the state. The case would seem a curious one outside of Africa. A rich man's child had been devoured by a crocodile, and the crocodile was afterwards killed by a hunter, who refused to give up the child's beads and trinkets, found inside the reptile. The father claimed that they were his, and the cause was tried before the King. The hunter's counsel argued that untamed animals being the property of no man, they and all that was in them belonged to their captor. Moreover, he reasoned, beasts were the recognized enemies of mankind, and savage |B: w::m fp" 142 TREA SURE- TRO VE. 131 *. \\ I' I I I l;iti;^-i according to the law of nations the ownership of goods ceased, or rather changed, the moment they were captured by the enemy. There were cases on record, he said, where honest men found coins or gems inside fishes, and he had yet to hear of any finder inquiring who was the owner of such an j<.rticle, This reasoning had seemed sound to Boo-beCc With the assent of his council, who were grow- ing hungry, he was graciously pleased to issue the following decree : — ♦ ' TO WHOM IT MA V CONCERN/ " Whereas, it is de'^irahle further to encourage the destruction of noxious animals within our domains, Be it therefore decreed, that now, and henceforth, such animals, with all their appurtenances, fixtures, and contents, belong, without reserve, unto their slayers. Boo-BEE, King, Commander, Priest, and Judge. ''His X mark." This proclamation had been written by the chief soothsayer in hieroglyphics, and duly filed among the official papyrus leaves. Arrived at Gu, Wagga had some trouble in tempting the serpent from its native pool. It was not torpid, but it had a memory and was sensitive to sells. However, after bearing stones and taunts with resignation for an hour, it yielded to rage and hunger, and, with a hiss that sounded like a waterspout bursting on the sea, it gave chase. At first the audacious Wagga had to strain every muscle to keep ahead of it; but after a mile's race its speed slackened, and soon Wagga, who was particularly anxious to lure it further, had to offer it extra inducements to go on. For some miles he let it keep un- pleasantly close to him. Once it came even within snapping distance of him, and he only saved himself by bounding like a gazelle. He fled in the direction of the Maiden's Well. This was a deep pond of limpid water, where Nulla, accompanied by her nurse, used to disport herself each sunny day before her noon siesta. It was nearly six miles from the python's lair, and Wagga guessed that the rpi! TREA SURE- TRO VE. M3 water-snake, after rolling and wriggling so far across the hot sand, would stay and rest there till the cool of the evening. It wanted three hours of noon when wicked Wagga reached this well, and putting on a fine spurt, made it clear that he had only been trifling with his pursuer all the way. The baiified serpent plunged into its favorite element and was gla ' <"o hide its shame and vexation at the bottom of the deepest hole. Then the crafty Wagga went back to the capital and paid a visit to the king. The hospitable Boo-bee sent two of his wives to gather dates to set before his guest, for, I need hardly observe, dignity for- bids the monarch of Boo from climbing a tree himself. While eat- ing her father's fruit, Wagga saluted the unsuspecting Princess Nulla, as she tripped forth to her bath. She was smiling, and so, I am shocked to relate, was Wagga ! He had been chatting gayly with Boo-bee for over three hours when the latter observed that Nulla was absent longer than usual. But the king did not seem very uneasy for another hour. Then, when neither Nulla nor her trusty attendant had appeared, the anxiety of the father overcame the pride of the sovereign, and Boo-bee actually climbed a tree, to see for himself if the ladies were coming. Not a human being was visible in the direction of their bathing- place. Thoroughly alarmed, the king started with ten npp&rmen to seek his daughter. Wagga went with them, bearing a broad-bladed axe. It would be useful for cutting fuel, he said, if they had to camp out. As they neared the pond, his superior speed carried him ahead of the party. The confiding Boo-bee was filled with gratitude at his zeal. An immense snake lay, gorged and torpid, at the side of the Maiden's Well. Its head was on the bank, but its long body grew dim and dimmer to the sight in the deepening water. A blow of h: ^^H '^1 ■ [ 1 M 1 jm^ m i' t^K w ' Wi V t i 'm\ J JB If s V ' 144 T/iEA SURE-l'RO VE. Wagga's axe severed the boad of the sleeping monster, and the spear- men dragged its writhing carcass from the pond. A groan burst from the unhappy father, as he pointed to a swelling on the reptile just about the length of his daughter. The nature of the tragedy was indeed clear. The python had swallowed the girl while she was swimming, and had then attacked her nurse, as the latter was scUng the rocks where her body lay. Whether from want of appetite or want of room, the snake had made no attempt to swallow the old woman, who had probably died of fright. As the younger men opened the serpent, Boo-bee sat on the rocks, nursing his sorrow with tropical intensity. He wrung his hands ; he beat his breast ; he tore his hair (to a more moderate extent) ; he cursed the day he was born ; he lamented over and over again that he had not died instead of his well-beloved. When the fair Nulla's inanimate form had been extricated from its dreadful tomb, a spearman, a kinsman of the princess, suggested that some relative ought to take charge of her diamond and other orna- ments. " Pardon me," said Wagga, striding in front of him and rudely tearing the diamond from Nulla's neck, " this is mine by the law ; / killed the snake, and the trinkets are treasure-trove I " " Take it from him! " shouted the Kinsf's kinsman. The spearmen seized him with a will, being disgusted at such an exhibition of avarice at such a time. " I appeal to the King ! " roared Wagga. " The laws of Boo," sobbed the sovereign, answering the appeal, and just even in his indignation, " alter not at the pleasure of any man. Take the baubles, ungenerous youth 1 Go, and leave me to my dead." " Excuse me, O just King," said wicked Wagga ; " you don't quite see the extent of my humble claim. This young lady's body, too, is TREA SURE-TRO I '£. 145 part of the ' appurtenances and contents ' of my snake, and therefore belongs to me by your own righteous decree. If anybody wants to buy her I'm willing to trade." And the heartless Wagga, delighted at his own sharpness, actually chuckled in a ghastly sort of way. *' She wouldn't give me her hand," he exclaimed, " and now her whole body is mine I " •' Never ! " murmured the Pearl of Boo, slowly opening her eyes. And at intervals she gasped out the same word three or four times over, as if her mind was quite made up upon the subject. She had not been dead. The serpent was so huge that it had swallowed her without breaking a single bone, and had not bitten her at all. The legal murderer started back from the ghost of his victim, as he thought. His hair rose, his jaw fell, the diamond dropped from his grasp, and he' fell dead. But the enraptured Boo-bee did not see this sudden retribution. He was running to his daughter's side. " My only child I " he cried, extending his arms. •* My only father 1 " she murmured, extending hers. " My pearl, my pride, my treasure-trove ! " ejaculated the fond parent, hugging his daughter — once — before she was washed. I'^or some days afterwards the good old king quite forgot his dig- nity, and would frolic and pelt his courtiers with cocoa-nuts, as in the mischievous days of his boyhood. The escape of the Princess Nulla was more than a nine days' wonder in Boo. Her admirers maintained that the python had swallowed her without squeezing her to a pulp merely because she was tender enough as she was. Others thought it had gulped her right down in its hurry to get at the old nurse, of whose good taste it must have formed too flattering an estimate, as they inferred from lO .1 I i ■ A r-i - # - f : 4' ' . I mf i 146 AIV UNINVITED BALLOONIST. its leaving her uneaten after catching her. A serpent cliarmer insisted that the snake, with tlie cunning and revengefulness of its species, had seen tlirough Wagga's Httle game, and had swallowed Nulla with unusual gentleness and care on purpose to disappoint its enemy and insulter. " Them critters," remarked the charmer, who spoke a charming patois, " is bound to take you in one way if they can't take you in t'other way." H XXXVIII. AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. IT once struck me that ballooning would be the plcasantest way of traveling in my business, lifting me above the sands, beasts, and barbarians of the desert. So I had a big balloon constructed with a patent rudder, guaranteed to steer against any ordinary wind. One day, when the breeze blevv from the sea, I embarked, thinking my re- turn voyage would be plain sailing, owing to the patent rudder and to the figuring of a man of science, who proved quite clearly that an upper current of air set steadily from the desert to the ocean. But either the upper current of air or the patent rudder went all wrong, and I was landed near Morocco, from which city I made my way back by sea, with the loss of four months' time, my whole cargo of feathers, and every shilling I had taken with me. For the future I confined my ballooning to short voyages. On one of these occasions my supply of water had nearly run out, when, noticing a stream, as I thought, I descended and made fast AN UXIXVITED BALLOONIST. 147 the balloon. Wliat I fancied was a brook, turned out, however, to be a wady — that is, one of the dried-up water-courses of the Sahara. As I turned back empty-handed, I saw a prettily-spotted animal, which proved to be a baby-leopard, i)laying like a kitten in the wady. I caught the creature and hoisted it into the car by a rope. Then, as no living thing was in sight, I was leisurely preparing to launch my air-ship once more. Two of the three ropes which secured it to the earth were already cut, and I was turning to cut the third, when I was horrified at seeing the mother leopard creeping toward me, noiselessly but swiftly, and with a revengeful gleam in her eyes. She was then nearly forty feet away, and I had enough presence of mind left to lose no time in cutting the last rope. The liberated balloon rose majestically in the air — about a second too late. While I was severing the rope the leopardess had reduced her distance, and when I had finished she was poised for a spring. Up she bounded, the embodiment of cruelty and grace, her paws out- stretched, her tail stiff, her jaws distended, her eyes flashing. Her fore claws only just reached the bottom of the rising car; but they grasped it like grim death, and she soon clambered into the car, nearly capsizing it in the process. Then she stood a moment over her sprawling cub and gave a roar, whether a roar of greeting to the cub or of menace to me I did not even try to guess. Just at that time I was going up the ropes which secured the car to the balloon, in a way that would have won the prize at any gymnastic exhibition. In a few seconds I was clinging to the netting of the balloon and glancing uneasily down at " the bearded pard." When I had taken in a junior " pard " I had no idea he would so soon be followed by a senior " pard," whose restless activity threatened, in low but ex- pressive parlance, to " bust the whole concern " and lead to the sudden dissolution of the firm and all its members. A glance showed me there was no immediate danger from the 4i f. ■;' M f 148 AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. leopai ]. She was now quite as alarmed as I was. Her first move- ment when she perceived the earth receding beneath her was to grasp her cub in her teeth and hasten to the edge of the car, as if about to spring to the ground. But the height was too great, and, abandoning her intention, she dropped the cub and whined in abject terror. I had now time to reflect. Even if I wished to make the balloon descend, in the hope that the frightened leopard might leap to the ground at the first opportunity, I had not the means of doing so from where I was. To go down into the car while the leopard remained there alive seemed like putting my head in '^ lion's mouth, and I had no means of killing the beast, for my fire-arms were also in the car. Meantime, though I had secured a foothold in the netting, the strain on the muscles of my hands and arms was great, and I could not support it forever. At last I drew my knife, which, in my hurry, I had luckily shoved into my pocket unclasped, and climbing around the base of the balloon, began severing the ropes which attached the car to it. As the car swung downward, sup- ported by the last two ropes, the young leopard fell to earth ; but its mother, becoming suddenly conscious of what I was doing, sprang upwards and struggled hard to climb the single rope that remained uncut — for the other, half severed, had yielded when she sprang. It was a trying moment, but the knife was sharp and divided the rope in time. Down went the car and the leopard after it, still grasping the rope with her claws. Sometimes the car was uppermost, sometimes the beast. In spite of my own perilous position, I could not help watching this terrific see-saw in the air, until beast and car, after shrinking to mere specks, were dashed to pieces on the ground. Fortunately for me, my eyes were accustomed to dizzy heights. I had provided against the too rapid ascent of the balloon, when AN UNINVITED BALLOONIST. 149 lightened of so great a weight, by cutting a small hole in its side. But this proved insufficient to stop its upward progress. So I made other small holes, with great caution — for my only chance of a successful descent was to let the gas escape by slow degrees. My task was not an easy one, for the balloon, cut loose from its ballast, now lay over considerably on one side, with me benea'h. The strain on my hands had consequently grown greater. However, I eased it somevvhat by getting one leg inside the netting, and soon I was glad to perceive, from the gently upward direction of the loose ropes, that I was beginning to descend. The motion grew more and more rapid, and though I managed to reduce its rapidity for a time by cutting off all the swinging ropes within my reach, I should probably have been maimed, or killed outright, had I not alighted on the long, feathery leaves of a date-palm, in the centre of a beauti- ful cluster of these trees. After refreshing myself with some dates, and filling my pockets with more, I struck into the desert to seek the wreck of the car, and especially my rifle and revolver, without which I had no hopes of reaching civilization again. My ruined balloon did me a last service, as it limped over the tops of the palms : it enabled me to tell the direction of the wind, which I could not have discovered otherwise, for it was nearly a dead c?Jm. By going directly against the wind I knew I must draw near the objects of my search. I found the shat- tered car and the remains of the leopard by it; but rifle and pistol were bent and broken beyond any possibility of use or repair. But I must tell you how I got home another time, for I am tired of talking now. um (<■' ^50 A TWO-LEGGED STEED. m XXXIX. w m Jl I Y A TWO-LEGGED STEED. 'OU must tell us how you got home," cried the boys next evening, cutting off the Major's attempted retreat from the tea-table. What must be, must be, he said, reseating himself. Well ; when I found my firearms smashed, I was dumbfounded for a minute or so. Then, as the sun was just setting, I looked over the wreck of the car and picked out a thin rope and the skin in which I used to carry my water, and which still held about half a gallon. I built a fire out of the remnants of the car and its contents, and, stretching my feet towards it, fell asleep almost instantaneously. I' was too tired to make any plans. Next morning I was awakened by a sharp pain on my right cheek and, opening my eyes, I saw a vulture perched upon my breast and preparing to have a second and more satisfactory peck at my face, if I should happily prove to be dead or mortally wounded. I jumped up with a shout, which scared the cowardly bird and a whole flock of his mates that were feeding on the carcass of the leopard. The course of the balloon had been nearly due east, and, as well as I could guess at its average speed, I was not much more than a hundred miles from the coast. So, after breakfasting on the rest of the dates and a small allowance of water I took Horace Greeley's advice to young men, and went west. *' How could you tell which side was the west ? " asked Bill. A TWO-LEGGED STEED. i^i The sun, my boy, very kindly got up that morning at about the usual time and in the usual place. And during the whole of the first day I was guided by a distant clump of trees which lay but little out of my course. I reached the clump half broiled and without a drop of water, having used up most of my supply in moistening my head tf> keep off sunstroke. However, the trees were date-palms, and grew over a brook, as these trees commonly do. So I found an abundance of food, drink, and fuel, and slept as soundly and safely as the night before. I started into the desert early next morning in better spirits ; for I was some twenty-five miles nearer home, and had not, so far, met a beast of prey, though I had heard one roaring near my fire. About noon I observed an animal behind me, but too far away to recognize. Some minutes later I looked round again and saw it in about the same position. This looked as if it was following me. I felt uncomfortable and glanced back a third time. It was a little nearer now, and I perceived, to my alarm, that its cole/ was tawny. Wishing to know the worst, I halted. To my surprise, the animal halted too. Its motion had been stealthy and cat-like ; but now its pose was bold and commanding, as it raised his head and contem- plated me. If I had any doubts remaining, they were soon gone, for the beast lifted its head higher, and proved its identity by roaring as only lions can roar. I had self-control enouojh not to turn and flee at this terrible summons. On the contrary, I looked the lion steadily in the face for some minutes and then calmly resumed my journey. As I had hoped, he did not charge, but continued to follow at the same interval. When I halted again, he halted too ; when I walked he walked after me. He apparently meant to attack me in the dark, when lions are boldest. i. I 51 152 A TWO-LEGGED STEED. If I Several times that day I was on the point of ending my fearful suspense by rushing at my pursuer and forcing him either to fly or to eat me for his dinner instead of for his supper. But each time some new hope would spring up in my breast, and I would trudge on still. Once I remembered Androclus and hoped that the lion might tread upon a thorn. Another time I thought of a man in a similar plight with myself, who, happily combining presence of mind with absence of body, raised his hat and cloak on a stick, and in- duced a deluded lion to spring at it and fall down a convenient precipice. Time and again I hoped for trees, and tmie and again I asked myself the conundrum, "Why is a lion like an oyster.?" and comforted myself with the answer, " Because neither can climb a tree." Yes ; if I were only up a tree, I would fear the lion no more than any oyster of the same size and weight. I think I could have climbed anything just then — a branchless palm, the North Pole, a genealogical tree. But I could see nothing higher than myself, except the sun. At last I came to a slight rise in the boundless waste. From the summit I saw neither rock nor tree. Two cassavas were in sight, but they were only stunted shrubs, a few feet high. The sun was at the horizon, and the lion had lessened his distance visibly. I felt the courage of despair, and was about to turn and tempt the wild beast to kill me then or never, when I saw something rise out oi the long shadov/ cast by the cassavas in the setting sun. It proved to be a large ostrich, which had been frightened by some sight or sound at the other side of the bushes, for it came straight towards me, using wings and legs, as ostriches do when hurried or alarmed. In a moment I had formed a plan of escape. I headed the huge bird and shouted at it. It fled in bewilderment back to the cassavas, where, according to its silly custom, it thrust its head into the leaves i ' A TWO-LEGGED STEED. 153 and halted, in the belief that not to see involves not to be seen. " But, uncle," said Bill, " don't late travelers deny that ostriches have any such habit ? " Modern ostriches, answered the Major, have reformed, like other bipeds. But mine was an ostrich of the old school. He clung to the traditional faults and virtues of a past age. He wanted no reform bill, or 1 ormed bill either. There was a double chase, continued the Major, resuming his narrative, for no sooner had I begun to run after the ostrich than the lion, echoing my shout with compound interest, started in pur- suit. To a looker-on the race would have shown strange contrast ; — the flapping, waddling, frightened ostrich ; the man running silently for life ; the roaring lion, with successive bounds, hastening after his prey. I was a good hand at leap-frog when I was at school. I had often leaped on to the sixth or seventh back at the old game of " High Cockalorum." But I had never had so high "a back" given me before, as that now offered by the unconscious ostrich. Still, I never had so much encouragement to distinguish myself at any game before, for a hungry lion had never been the next player behind me ! Mustering all my strength, I sprang into the air, tipping the ostrich's tail with my fingers as I flew over it. In a moment I was seated com- fortably on the back of the bird, holding tightly to its neck with both hands. The huge creature, terrified no less by the roaring of the lion, now hardly fifty yards behind, than by the mysterious weight on its back, hastily raised its head from the cassava bush and went off at a pace which soon distanced our pursuer. We traveled all nifrht, and on the followine afternoon struck the coast some miles below the trading-post, which we reached at sundown. " And what did the ostrich eat on the wav .'* " asked Bill. 154 A TWO-LEGGED STEED. I i rSM Chiefly money, answered the Major. » • "What! Money?" Yes ; money. I suppose you are aware that ostriches are fond of eating stones and metals. " So I have heard," said Bill. Well, I thought a few coins might be a pleasant change for my ostrich, and I had a quantity of gold coins in a belt to provide against emergencies, as my habit was when ballooning. So I threw him a sovereign, which he swallowed eagerly; then an eagle, which he seemed to enjoy still more. At least he ran to it and stooped for it with more haste, whether because it was a larger coin, or because it was of American manufacture, I am unable to decide. " How did you get him to go in one direction all the time } " queried Bill. By making a noose on my rope and lassoing his neck, keeping the ends of the rope in my hands to act as reins. I put two knots on the rope to prevent the noose from getting too tight and strang- ling the bird ; yet I managed to make it mighty disagreeable for him when he tried to alter his course. W^hile the coins lasted I had no trouble at all ; for, whenever he wanted to turn, I just threw one straight ahead, and by the time the silly bird had reached it he had quite forgotten his desire to turn. *' What a lot it cost to feed that ostrich ! " cried liitle Bob. Bless your soul, said the Major, it didn't cost a cent. If I never got home, the money, you see, was no use to me ; if I did, I knew I could get it back. I hated to shoot that ostrich ; but times were bad, and I could not afford to wait and find out whether the bird would lay golden eggs. You will find some of its feathers in your aunt's bonnet ; I brought them home as proofs of my adventure. Their yellovyish tinge is manifestly owing to the large amount of gold swallowed by my two-legged steed. .^ NIP AND TUCK — THE TWO-LEGGED STEED. (155) : f nu,i iiii«i.i«i III •"*,if IT F HOW TO LIE. 157. XL. •• HOW TO LIE, DID a beast ever take one of your men from the camp-fire," asked Bob, " the way the man-eater ran away with Gordon Cumming's man ? " No, my boy, said the Major ; but then our way of bivouacking was different from Mr. Cumming's. We used to sleep with our heads towards the fire and our feet turned outwards. This posture is not so comfortable as the ordinary one, it is true — especially toward morning, when your feet are liable to grow cold. But it is safer for various reasons. First, when you see a beast creeping towards you, you have a rest ready and can fire as you lie, like a Wimbledon or Creedmoor marks- man, with your rifle leaning between your toes. Then, if the animal is wounded and charges, you are in the best possible attitude for defence. Ycur legs have twice the strength and twice the endurance of your arms. Besides, they are armed, ^n hunting expeditions, with heavy boots, which aid you both offensively and defensively. Again, at the beginning of the tussle, the enemy is out of reach of your vital parts, while you are within reach of his. You can hit his face, but lie cannot hit yours without first carrying your exterior defences. A bleeding nose in the first round, you know, is very discouraging to the receiver and equally cheering to the giver. If the assailant were a lion, and you missed him, you would likely *^:vvi ♦a i 1 ■ V'. i i 158 J/O yV TO LIE. be a " goner," feet in or feet out — though the rest would, of course, improve your chances of taking deadly aim. But with lighter beasts, a pair of armed heels, both available at the same time, are weapons not to be despised. A she-leopard once sprang at me as I lay in my improved attitude before my fire, after I had merely grazed her with a bullet in the dark. I doubled up my legs and countered heavily on her nob with both feet. The double kick knocked her back nearly as far as she had sprung. Then she leaped again, this time a little higher and further, hoping to get past my heels and at my head. But I raised my feet with great rapidity, standing on my shoulder blades, and gave her a little uphoped-for assistance — ^just enough to carry her nicely into the fire. After which she went home. A small party might resist a pack of wolves by lying shoulder to shoulder on their backs, revolvers in hand, feet outwards, kicking with only one foot at a time, and keeping the other in reserve, like the bayonets of the rear rank in a hollow square which is about to receive cavalry. This formation is still better for repelling cannibals, as I can testify. A number of them completely surprised our party one night by our campfire, and, if they had only kept in their war-yell, might have captured every one of us. As it was, being thoroughly trained in the new tactics, each of us awoke with a kick which elec- trified the nearest man-eater. I smashed a pair of incisors belonging to one big-toothed brave and permanently spoiled his relish for boy. In two minutes we had sent the whole tribe away to the dentist. On our side we only lost one man, and he had no nails in his boots. Our loss might have been considerable had the attacking party used missiles. " And why didn't they ? " asked Bill. Cannibals, ixplai Major, prefer capti t5> no W TO LIE. 159 ling; they don't want to have too large a stock of meat on hand at one time. I had noticed in my school days, the Major went on to say, that to lie on one's back and kick up (spinning round on one's shoulder blades, should the enemy attempt to turn the position) was the only system of military tactics that gave a small boy any sort of a chance against a big one. But I never fancied then that the dodge would work satisfactorily against so very big a bully as a gorilla. Whether the gorilla I refer to was any relation of Du Chaillu's first acquaintance, I cannot say ; but anyhow, he conducted himself quite as rudely. In fact, he started from a bush in front of me, stood right in my path, and proceeded to introduce himself without the slightest formality. " Ubbubboo," observed the ugly ape. " Ubbubboo, yourself!" I retorted, assuming a bold front. If the word meant " I