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Those too large ^o be entirely included in one exposure are filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrama illuatrata tha method; Un dea aymbolas suivants apparaitra sur la darnlAre Image de cheque microfiche, selon 2e cas: le symbola — ^ signifie "A SUIVRE". le symbola V signifie "FIN". Lea eartaa. planches, tableaux, etc., peuvent «tre filmAa A das taux de reduction differents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour Utra reproduit en un seul clichA. il est filmi i partir da Tangle supArieur gsjcha. de gauche A droite. et de haut en baa, en prenant ie nombre d'imagas nicessaira. Lea diagrammas suivants illustrant la mdthoda. 32X 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 '•I"I«,J « m^mm^ Thadeus O' Toole's % ^^iUt^ fr^m T phot, was'nt much diHturbed till mornin.' At ten o'clock, punctual, I pursonted myself at the giniral's quarters, and, after waitin' a couple iv hours, was at last shewn in funiint him. Bejrorra, Phelim, he's a fine lookin' man, tall, and as straight as an arrow, wid an eye on hiia like a hawk, and, barrin' the bowld look, for all the world like big Tim Delaney. the horse dealer. He was sittin' at a big table covered wid maps and papers, laffin' at aome- thin' : a littie, ould yellow officer, in a giniral's uni- form, was sayin', (I ht„rd after it was Giniral Van Molke), as J came in, and, turnin' shiirp round, he says, looking study at me for a minute or two, *' Oh I you're the gintleman from Ireland, I suppose ? Be sated." He spoke English wid a slight Cork accent, for 1 believe his mother came from thim parts. *' I am, thank ye kindly, sir," says I — ^' my lord, I mane — and proud and hapi>y I am t?^ make yer acquaintance." He bowed quite illigant, for, you see, he's been so long outside iv Paris, that he's picked up the regular French manners. " You've come, I believe," ses he, " on a mishin partly iv a philan- thropic and partly iv a business nature." '* Yes, your worship," ses I, forgettin' his title again, you see, " philanthropies and business was always my sinti- mints. May I make so bould as to offer you my THADETTB 0'T00IE*S LETTIiR&. card ?" (I had a couple iv dozen printed a purpo^j afore I started.) Ho took it, and, turnin' to the window, read—'' Mr. Thadeus O'Tooio, Pig, Pork, and Bacon. Merchant^ Dijblin, St. Fetersburj^, and China. Purveyor to the Qucon, Emperor of Kushia, and other Potentates. Armies supplied, Cities relieved, and Countriei;' re-victualled on t!'e shortest notice. Orders punctually attended to. Pigs for- warded by Balloon ];>ost, if necessary." '' Umph !'* oes he, lookin' rather dark at the last line, " this haa the appearance iv tamperin' wid tlT enemy." " Only a ^Jght of fancy," ses I, " rny lord, and intirely out iv the ordinary coorse iv business." " I think so," ses he, " a pig in a balloon would indeed be rather a strange flight. But," ses he, again smilin', " I thought that pigs, pork, and bacon meant ull the same in your laij- guage." " So they do, Griniral," ser I, gettin' more familiar wid him, ''its the vicissitud3S iv life that makes the difference. A pig," sea I, " in the mornin* iv life, beloved and respected by its relations, and admired by its master, is 'a pig;' cut down in its pride, like J ulius Sasir ; while the tears iv its family are fallin', and the loss weighin' heavy en them, its * pork ;' but when its intirely forgotten, and the grief passed away, by that time its ' bacon.' " " Ah !" ees the Uiniral, heavin' a deep sigh, " I'm afraid, Mr. 0' Toole, when our time for bein' poik airives we'll 8 THADEUS 0'T00LE*S LETTERS, r^* aisily glide out iv their memory into the bacon of oblivion — what a simple thing taches us a beautiful mora) lesson." '' Thrue for yer lordship," ses I. ''Buty Mr. O'Toole," ses he, '' though your remarks are highly instructive we must'nt give way to our feelin's ; let us, if you plase, return to business. As we're not yet quite ready to go into Paris, perhaps you would have no objection to supply our army out- side here?" '' Of coorse not, Giniral," ses I; "what peculiar breed and number would you be likely to require ?' " I am sorry to say," ses he, " me educa- tion has been so neglected as to lave me unacquainted with the different varieties of that beautiful animal, so I'll depend intirely on yourself." " Well, Giniral," ses I, 'there's a fine, hardy, little black breed from Kerry, suitable for light infantry, and I could let you have 500 iv them; for the heavy cavalry and artillery Hampshires is the best, large and nourish- ing, 500 more iv them will make 1000, to be at yer sarvice to-morrow week." " Thadeus," ses he, graspin' my hand, while the tears was in his eyes, " your our benefactor. I accept your offer with the deepest thanks, and the whole Prooshin nation will be equally griteful. Come and dine with me at 7 — only the King, Molke, and a few friends will be there, so I'll take no excuse." Wid that he squeezed my hand again, givin' me an aisy shove out to prevent me making any answer, and shut the door. THADETIS 0'TOOLE*a LETTERS. 9 That's a true account, my dear Phelim, iv all that happened, and, maybe, in my next letter, I'll tell you all about the King and nobility, and Paris, if we are in it when I write, but, bedad, its little time I'm afraid I'll have, between gettin' the pigs across and moralizing with the Giniral. 1 remain, your lovin' Uncle, till death, Thadeus O'Toole. 2nd. Prooshin Department, Varsales, 14th Feb., 1871. Mr. Phelim O'Toole, House and Land Inspector, Quebec. My dear Phelim, — Here I am still, alive and well, thank God, heepin' up the dignity iv the O'Tooles among the nobility, as becomes a descindint iv the ould ancient kings, and lowerin' it now and then in the way iv business, as becomes a dacent bacon daler, and future forefather of my own illustrious descindints. Bismarck and me is like two brothers, and, as there's no amusement worth talking about since they knocked off slaughterin' the Frinch and 10 THADEUS O'tOOLE'8 LETTERS. batterin* Paris to smithereens', he spends most iv his spare time emprovin his mind descoorsin wid me. Peacef^l employments is generally the subject ; for you see, as he's been all his life fightin' wid students, members iv parliament, ambassadors, sogers and and plinipotenshuries, he knows very little about dacent livin', and a quiet man like myself is a regular God-send to him. Quid Moltke is very gonteel and civil, but has'nt a great dale to say till he warms up towards the heel iv the evenin' after puttin' a couple of bottles out iv sight, and then he comes out purty strong ; mostly in the scientific line. He has a very purty idea of algebra, for a forriner, and knows euclid like ould Malachy Kilgobbin the schoolmaster. He gave me a recate for fortifyin the Hill iv Howth that might come in handy some iv these days, iv we were that way inclined. The king is a very dacent kind iv an ould gintleman, hasn't the laste objection in life to a good dinner, and could tell you to a spoonful how much water to put in a tumbler iv punch. He's mighty religious in the mornins, when he's writin' his despatches, and thanks Providence very devoutly whin there's plenty of Frinch killed ; but after that he takes kindly enough to the comforts iv this world. I'm tould since they made him an Emperor he's put on a good many airs, and wears his Sunday clothes every day, THADEUS o'TOOLE'S LETTERS. 11 but may be that's on account iv the objection to a change iv any soort that most Soverins' has. Though he gives me a nod when he meets me, and puts his finger to the peak iv his cap, I only took dinn^ wid him once, that was the second day I was here, and begorra, Phelim, if I don't disremember, I pro- mised to tell you iv the same dinner in my last letter. Oh ! Phelim, its you and me and the likes iv us ought to be thankful we live in a country where the aitin' anddrinkin' is carried on in an open, straightforward way, and you get your dinner like a Christian hot male, and not have one dish slapped down forninst ye at a time like a game iv '' Spoil Five," or '' Beggar Me Neighbour." Where is there a purtier or more entertainin' sight nor a table laid out wid a biled turkey at the top (if its a bird you knew from the shell so much the better), a roast shoulder iv mutton at the bottom, or may be a leg iv lamb, flanked off at the sides wid a Limerick ham and a beef tongue, to say nothin' iv the praties, cabbage and bottled porter ? There you are, Phelim, every- thing manly and honest ; you can face your enemy bouldly without fearin' any resarve more power- ful nor an apple pie or a bread and butter puddm . Butbegc/ra, Phelim, that's not the way at all wid the Prooshin nobility, as I found to my sorrah. Sevin was the hour fixed for the dinner, and after makin 12 THADEUS O'TOOLE's LETTERS. myself as dacent as possible and puttin' on the black shute I bou-ht for Counsellor O'Grady's funeral, I was at the door to the minute. Knee breeches they tell me would have been more iv a coort dress, but as I always wear Conemara stockins, bedad, I'm afeered the gentility would'nt have gone lower nor the knee. The company was'nt long behind me. Bismarck was first wid a mighty handsome young officer, an edge-e-cong, then the king and ould Moltke and by the time I had made nine ele- gant bows (four to the king, two to each iv the ginirals, and one to the edge-e-cong) the door was flung wide open and in we went. Begorra, Phe- lim, I never see such grandeur afore in all my life ; a Lord Mayor's show was nothing compared to it.^ The room was middlin' small, but splendidly painted and full iv pictures. Archangels and cheri- bums flyin' all over the ceilin', and all the Frinch kings and queens sinca Adam drawn up in a line, like sogers, along the wall. The table was covered with goold and silver pla^.es, dishes, crame yures and other utensils, and big nosegays stuck down the centre ; but the divil a haporth in the aitin' line was to be seen high or low. " Bedad," says I to* myself, " Thadeus O'Toole, this is a sorry look-out for you ; its gonteel poverty is the style here, and maybe its a plate iv mixed biscuits and a glass iv THADEUS O'TOOLE'S LETTERS. 13 onc-and-eightpenny sherry they'll be handin' round, coaxin' you not to be shy, at the same time in mortial dread afeerd you'll ate too much." While I was ponderin' over this as we sot down, in comes five or six waiters wid plates, and put one down forninst each iv us. By the smell I knew it was soup, though at first I thought it was strong tay. I was just after rutin' a little Erinch rowl out iv a napkin' by the side iv me, so I made up my mind to be as resigned as possible and take whatever Provi- dence sint, but if I was to be made a coffin for a but- tered cake I could'nt make out what soort iv a dinner it was to be at all at all. "Is it war rations we're on" says I, " or maybe the king's digestion is bad after all the bitter pills he got in .the English papers, and bein' on light diet its manners for visitors to take the same." While I was reflectin' on this and enjoying the little drop iv soup purty well, for it was hot and I think wholesome, I put down my spoon for a minute to get my handkercher,for I felt a soort iv a sneeze comin' on, when a big rapscallion iv a waiter whips it up and walks off with it as bould as brass ! ''Oh! then, sweet bad luck to you," ses I, "if that's all the manners you brought wid you, you had better get a fresh supply in Paris afore you go home." " There now," thought I, " I suppose that's the end iv the entertainment, light and elegant sure enough, 14 THADEU8 O'tOOLE's LETTERS. the divil a fear iv gout while that style is in fashion, no wonder for ycz to have plenty iv money for fightin', for sorrah much the house expenses come to." This was what was going through my mind, Phelim, but sure I was never more took in in my life. In a couple iv minutes back comes the big waiter wid a beautiful cut iv salmon on a clane plate instead iv the soup. I was always mighty partial to fish (barrin' dried ling) and from my infancy salmon has been a strong wakeness iv mine. Keepin' my eye on the waiter to puivent him grabbin' it, and puttin' on a little extra steam, I kept well up to the king and claned off to the minute with him. After that, Phelim, in comes all soort iv dishes, baked, stewed, and biled, but what they were called, or made iv, begorra, even Purfessor Owen himself could 'nt tell. Some iv them had French names a yard long, and others Prooshin titles it would take a day to drive round. I tried three or four and at last dropped on a dish of stewed chickens, (as I thought,) in a beautiful rich sauce. I was enjoyin' this when Gineral Bismarck tumin' to me wid a smile ses, " Ah ! I didn't think Mr. 0' Toole that your countrymen were so partial to " Froosha stuke." " Begorra, my Lord, ses I, " that's a new name for them, but spring chickens was always a favorite in Ireland. '^ Chickens !" ses he, laughin' outright,' 'why, Mr. 0' Toole, them's THADEU8 o'tOOLE'S LETTERS. 15 Btewed frogs." "Mother iv Moses, Gineral, you don't say so," ses I, beginnin' to feel as if I was gettin* say sick. '^ It's the truth I'm t^Uin' you, Thadeus,|'^ ses he, "but you look wake, try a glass iv brandy." The sperits brought me round, but my confidence in the victuals was shook, and I only played wid my knife and fork till the fruit came on the table. To think, Phelim, iv me, an Irishman, and a Christian, after all the trouble St. Patrick took banishin' var- mint from the Island, comin' here U> forrin' parts and devourin' them! Bedad, I'm afeerd it'll he heavy on my mind, Phelim, but sure the way they wor disguised the saint himself would'nt know whether it was from an egg or a tadpole they came. Purin' the dinner we had'nt much conversation ; a few remarks about the weather, latest news from Berlin, how they would resave us in Paris, and a little genteel civility as regards the eatables, but when the waiters was gone and the "nourishment" began to go round, we got quite confidential. The king was mighty anxious to know what we thought iv him in Ireland. Iv coorse I had my manners about me, and told him we doated on him, only it would'nt look well to show it too much, afeerd the people would think we wor runnin' after him when he was up in the world. "Oh, faith," ses Bismarck, laughing, "you have disguised your feelins' splendidly in that 16 THADEUS O'TOOLE'S LETTERJ. case, for one would think by the papers that the Irish were all for France." '' We certainly paid them a few Frinch compliments, Gineral,'* ses I, "but the raal deep feelin' was towards the Prooshins." (I did'nt think it worth while to mention what soort iv feelin' it was though, at the same time.) " The English," says the king, wid a hiccup (the decanters was goin' round purty quick by this time) "the English loved me like a father once, but I'm afeerd their affection is gone or they'd never think iv marryin' that beautiful young Princess without my advice." "Maybe, yer Majesty," ses I, "they thought you "were so busy makin' widows, you would'nt take kindly to makin' wives, and so did'nt trouble you to provide a husband to order as usual ; beside yer Majesty, the exports to Jarminy iv a matrimonial nature is expected to be more limited in fiiture." 'Twas a hard rub I gave him, Phelim, but bedad it was all true, if it was'nt very pleasant. He did'nt say much more, and went to bed shortly after lookin' mighty glum, as if he was ponderin' on what I tould him. Myself, Bismarck, the Edge-e-cong, and ould Moltke made a regular night iv it, and the last thing I recollect was givin' them the " Groves iv Blarney," and Moltke whistlin' an accompany- ment on a fruit knife. So now, Phelim, God be wid ye, and if I con- THADEU8 O'tOOLE'S LETTERS. 17 tinue in my health I'll write to you soon again, maybe from Paris itself. Your lovin' Uncle, till death, Thadeus 0' Toole. ORD. con- Paris, 4:th Marchj 1871. Mr. Phelim O'Toole, House and Land Inspector, Quebec. My dear Phelim, — We're inside Paris at last, thank God, and should have been in a week ago only the Frinch and Prooshins could'nt strike a bar- gain at all as to the price of pace. Faith, Phelim, the same pace is a curious thing, and puts me greatly in mind iv a smashed tay-cup ; its aisy broke, but it costs a trifle to patch it together again: They say the Prooshins is chargin' purty high for it, but sure that's no wonder, for there's many in Ireland works by the same rule, and raises the rints when the saison's bad. Part iv the bargain was to let the army in on the 1st March, and in coorse there was great prepurashins for the grand intrance. The sogers was polished up by all soorts iv invinshins to the veins iv niceity, and scourin', clanin', and decoratin' was the order iv the day. New flags was got for the lancers, B 18 THADETTS o'TOOLE'S LETTERS, brasB-bnll galore for the drap^oons, and, for the '' rifles/' some soort iv a black mixture that smelt like sperits, and made their belts look as polished as a miyp^ur. The bacon I pur^ ided did them a power iv good. The cavalry was like aldermen, wid the ''Hampshires," and the little blnck Kerrys gev the infantry that hard, wholesome look the army doctors admire so much. Bad scran to them same black Kerrys, Phelim, I had to hand out my twenty good lookin' goold sovrins on account iv them. What do you think, after the honor I did the spalpeens, by bringin' them here, six iv them, instead iv waitin' to be slaughtered like gentlemen, bolted clane out iv the camp wid nearly the whole army, horse and foot, after thim. Sure they might as well have been huntin the Prooshin' eagle ;• and iv the last heavy fall iv snow does'nt make the Pyrenees too stiff for thim, as the blackguards headed south, I daresay the whole half dozen is at Gibraltar by this time. As the day drew near the-e was great excitement at Varsales about the purcesshin, and particularly about tbe soort iv music they'd have, so I thought I'd do thim another kindness, and give thim the benifit of my experience on both points. I tould thim iv all the grand state funerals I had seen from Lord Kilwarrin's, in '99, to the Duke iv Wellington's, in '52, but, somehow or other, the style would'nt shute, and the way we have at borne iv THADEU8 o'TOOLE's LETTERS. 19 ifles/' )erits, The The ," and hard, oauch. I had ins on 3r the rie, six d like rly the 3 they eagle ;• ke the headed braltar s great n, and ave, GO d give nts. I id seen •uke iv le style Lome iv layin' a foundation stone, or makin' a Lord Mayor, was'ntnp to the mark ayther. " Iligant and touchiu,' »Mr. O'Toole," ses Giniral Bismarck, ''iligant and touch'n,' indeed, but not martial enough, so we must hit on some other plan ; but, as regards the musical arrangements, a native iv your melodious Island will, indeed, be hi valuable to us." I bowed and blushed a little, I think, at the complimc.c (we're a modest people, Phelini), and to oblige him wint to look for the bandmaster iv the Uhlanders to give him some instructions and advice. Herr Von Sohomderburg, the B.M., Phelim, was delighted to see me, for the poor crature was at his wits' end, havin' got only two tunes out iv the whole iv his collection that he thought would at all shute. One iv them was an ould thing they had in 1815, when they went into Paris afore, called '' Pariser Einsug," and, like a tough turkey, respectable only for its age ; the other was a new one, and purty good, cdled " Wacht am Rhein," but shure nayther of thim could hould a rushlight to our own splindid ould tunes. We got the band out prac- tisin', and I comminced by giving them " Patrick's Day," but about eight bars set them dancin' and hurrahin' like mad, so I had to lave off. " Savoureen Deelish" would' nt do ayther, their sobs was heart- breakin,' and their tears fallin' as big as marvels, so I struck a happy magoum, and gev' them '' Brian I. 20 THADliUS o'TOOLE'S LXTTBES. Borrohme'B March," which was the vc ry thing thej "aid. Its bould, martial strains mado tlnm look Uke salamandcrB, and, after tryin' it a coupW • times, me and the bandma^t^r wmt to arrange U.e muflic " Which is your favorite instrument, Mr. O'Toole ?'• ses he. " You have'nt got such a thing iitish bagpipes handy," ses I. "^^r ^ lookin- rather downhearted, " the last set wa smt to the Emperor iv the Frineh about a fortnight ago to comfort him a little, but, maybe, a v-l-'f'J'"'^ '^. shute ye instead." " No thank you," ses I, thmkin he w J tryin to take a pelt out i. me, " you can confine yer ' violent shellin' " and other big gun practices to the Frineh that is used to it ; toy my part I prefer dyin' comforUbly in my oed «Bxcx 30 me, Mr. O'Toole," ses he, "jes;-'" ^^ f" from my mind, I meant a base fiddle." " Oh I I pur- save," ses I, " why the divil did'nt you say so and thin there'd be no mistake? Unfortunatcly^its not in my line, but if we had a barrel organ I think we could manage it." He brightened up in a mmuto. "Fortune is with us," ses he, " there's oneup-stairs plays a be. uifo. set iv psalms, the King sometimes Lkes a ui^ at .t af ,.•« visitors, but I thmk he won t want any more religion till the next war so we can change a eouple iv them into " Bria Borrohme^ Well, to work we went, I liltin' the t«ue aud he THADEnS o'TOOLlt'8 I.BTTEM. » scttUn- the fixtnreR ; but, whlrx' evcrythin; was arranged, as he thought, the divil a drop .v w.rd he could get in it at all at all, the machinery beu^ too much shuk. He was in a dreadful state iv m.nd, but there was no help for it, a« he was'nt an organ builder, he had to pack it up and send ,t to Berlin where, most likely, it'll be got ready for the grand korana»hin. After this failure I was downhearted, and did't try again, so they were unable t« ha.e the advantage iv my ganius. Well, Ph.lm, the first iv March came at last, and a could ra^ mornm it was. I-was up wid the lark, for the performance was to open wid a grand review, and, after that, we wor to go inside and take up our quarters just as puhtely as if we wor invited, and they hud been expectin' us for years. The " Bois de Boulogne" (whatever the <^"^1 that manes) was the name iv the place whero tne review was, and, foUyin' up the ginirals and staff, 1 took up my position a little behind thim on the race coorse. Not, Phelim, that I felt the laste shy or bashful— for, in the black shute, a bunch iv green rib- bons in my button-hole, and mounted on a little p;e- balded pony, I was equal to the best iv them— but bekase it would'nt be manners for one iv the O'Tooles, descindid from thousands iv kings and imperors, to push forward and throw one only made yesterday into the shade. Just so, PheUm, whin yer 22 THADEU8 o'TOOLE'S LETTERS. 11 II- throwin' yer eye over the firmament, always fix it on modcBty as yer guidin' star. The review was splendid, I believe, (its little I know about army matters yet, but I'm larnin'), the King and ginirals wor highly delighted, the officers all plased, and I had no fault to find, so I suppose everything was correct and proper. Whin it was over, the King, turnin' round, smilin', ses to me, " Mr. O'Toole, this is a glorious day." "Heavenly weather, yer Majesty," ses I (by the way I thought he was talkin iv the Elemints) " we'll have a beautiful day for the purcessioii. ''I hope so," ses he, '' but I'm not goin wid ye." " No? yer majesty," ses I. '' No," ses he '' me and the young prince is goin' back to Varsales, almost immadiately." '' Between me and you, yer Majesty," ses I, " I think you're right, the Parishins is very fond iv makin* targets of kings and imperors, and if some de- luded crature happened to miss ye and kill some one else, it might lie heavy on yer mind ; so I think Varsales, where everything is dacent and quiet, and where you can get yer males comfortable, is the best after all, I'll slip down nyself in the evenin' to see if everything is pleasant and agreeable. " Thank ye Mr. O'Toole," ses he, "bongswoir." ''Bongswoir and God save ye kindly, yer Majesty," ses I. I'm gettin' on in the Frinch, Phelim. Lavin' him, I fol- lowed up the Ulanders, and about half-past two, we THADEUS O' TOOLE'S LETTEE8. 23 Oy got in at the " Graad Arch iv Triumph." It's little, however, in that line iv business, they intended it to do for the Prooshins, for it was hung wid black and all ould Bony's victories covered, which was a deli- cate compliment to the new arrivals, though they didn't seem to think so. We might as well have gone into the city iv the seven sleepers, Phelim, (supposin one or two to be just wakenin up). Every- thing was solemn and gloomy, and barrin a few gossoons, and sour-looking blaguards, no one to bid us the time iv day or take any notice iv us. Ah I ses I to myself, Thadeus 0' Toole, ye wor right after all, twas the funeral style they should have tried, and a requiem for a fallen city, they should have 'asked you to tache them. In we wint, regimint after regimint, hor«.e, foot, artillery and all soorts iv tran^orts, till nigh hand 30,000 came in, most iv them whelin off to the Elisian fields. That was a name, Phelim, the ancient Haythins had for the planes iv Heaven ; but begorra I'm thinkin on that same day the Parisins would have been mighty proud to hand over their heavenly planes to the '• gintle- man that's not as black as he's painted." Goin through the town there was a good many lookin' might^y dark at myself; and, as I took off my hat and bowed very low every couple iv minutes, a report ris that I was the Archbishop iv Prague. Bedad, 24 THADEUS O'TOOLB's LETTERS. Phelim, I never sought after ecclesiastical honors, and the first I got by mistake, was near bein* the death iv me. Lavin' a few Bavarian friends, I took a ride i.to what they called the Frinch quarter, and hadn't got half the length iv a street when I had about fifty iv the unwashed population about me. Thought I, here's a few more bows wanted, and taking oflp my hat, had made about a dozen, when it was knocked out iv my hand, and myself ofi* the pony. '' Roast him,'* "Drown him," "Hang him," was a few iv the tender recommendations for my future welfare, and "Baste, Turk, Haythin, and Spy," a few of the pulite titles 1 received. Whin I had got my breath and a little iv my senses I knew what was wrong, and wid the presence iv mind for which the O'Tooles, since Adam, have been famous, I pulled out one iv my cards and shoved it in the blaguard's hand who had the wakeness for roastin' me. Talk iv the Elixer Hair Dye for mariclesi its only soap suds compared with the effect it had. 'Twas read aloud to the multitude in about fourteen sooris of English, and at last they come to the conclusion that instead iv bein' the Archbishop of Prague, I was a Samaritan from Ireland. The reaction was wonder- ful ; I was " saluted " on both cheeks, by every man^ woman, and child that could get near me, and havin* chaved off my whiskers to be in the forrin' style, THADEUS O'TOOLE'B LETTERS. 25 they nearly drew the stumps out. Now, kissin* Phelim, ia a very healthy and invigouratin' amuse- ment whin yer courtin', and pleasant even after mattrimony, till ye get tired iv it ; but purmiscuous salutes from a population where soap is scarce is'nt refreshin', so, after a desperate struggle, I tore my- self away and ran for my life to the Bavarian lines. The pony, I never saw agin " ong mass " as they say here : but walkin' out yesterday in the shade iv the evenin' I saw what I'll take my oath was one iv his hind-legs, hangin' over the door iv a chape atin' house, and somethin' about ''splendid Gaacoigne cheval" written under it, so I suppose he's buried in a hundred walking cemetries afore this. I can't tell ye yet, Phelim, how long I'll stop, as things is mighty unsettled, and it all depends how trade goes : but, with the blessin iv God I'll write soon agin wherever I am, so no more at present frcm Your lovin' Uncle, till death, Thadeus 0' Toole. THADEUS O'TOOLE'S LETTERS. 4th. London, 24:th March, 1871. Mr. Phelim 0' Toole, House and Land Inspector, Quebec. My dear Phelim, — Whin I last wrote it was from amid strange scenes iv joy and grief, glory and abasemint, a victorious army and a fallen people ; and now its mighty glad I am to sind you this from the midst iv pace, prosperity, and rejoicin'. It's in London I am now, Phelim, havin' left Paris shortly after the Prooshins wint; for trade was'nt what I expected, and the Parishins were celebratin' thepaco by havin a shindy of their own, in which it would'nt be manners for a stranger like me to interfere. They're keepin' it up still in grand style, I believe, and, by the time the whole population is slaughtered, everything is expected to be quiet and comfortable agin. I often thought that the Irish way iv settlin' a little differance among friends at a fair or pattern was purty lively, but the Frinch pace movements throw us into the shade altogether. I come across by Calais and Dover, Phelim, and havin' a tidy lot iv business to do here, come up at once to settle it, and make everything straight afore goin' home to Dublin. There's very illigant society in I^ondon, Phelim, nobility and gentry, to any amount, and lords and V V'- THADEUS o'TOOLE's LETTERS. 27 1871. it was try and ,e ; and om the It's in shortly what I tie pace ould'nt berfere. relieve, htered, brtable settlin' pattern ements TOSS by r lot iv it, and Oublin. !*helim, ds and V dukes as plentiful as blackberries. Iv coorse ye must be one iv the right soort to jine in wid them, for they are mighty high, and particular, I can assure ye. Thadeus O'Toole, Esq., the bosim friend iv General Bismarck, and adviser iv the Emperor, just returned from the sate of war, was iv coorse a great gun ; and, although I only came to town in a quiet way, on a little private business, shure afore I was forty-eight hours in the place, they had me in the " fashionable intelligence," and my picthur and a ''biographical sketch" promised by the " Illustrated News." Invitations came pourin' in on me, but havin' my own digTiity to look after, and the credit iv the family to maintain, high conservatism was my style. I cartainly took a dinner or two wid the Duke iv Cambridge, and Gladstone humbugged me into takin' a could mutton lunch wid him (he has extended his economical principles to the family diet, Phelim) ; but otherwise did'nt "go out'' much as the sayin' is. Last Friday, however, an ould friend called and gev me an invitation, I could'nt find it in my heart to refuse. It was about three o'clock, and I was after nourishing myself wid a few cutlets and a quart of sherry (I have to be very careful iv my health, Phelim) when the waiter comes in and announces the Duke iv Argyl. We went to school together, Phelim, and many's the trouncin' I gave 28 THADEU8 O'tOOLE's LETTERS. him for stalin' my marbles — for he was the divil entirely for nailin' all before him at that time, but its to be hoped he's improved since. Wehad'nt met for manys the long day, and you may be sure we wor delighted to see each other. '' I hard tell iv ye at Varsales, Thadeus," ses the Duke, '' and must compliment ye on the proud position you held there wid the Prooshins. I daresay I ismarck was sorely grieved to lose your valuable assistance." ^' He was mighty down-hearted, yer grace/' ses I (if a man has a handle to his name Phelim, he never forgets it, naither should YOtr,) '' but he bore up like a hero, and the capture iv Paris consoled him in some degree for my loss." '' It's to be hoped so," ses he, " but, Thadeus I daresay you have some idea iv the purpose iv my business besides the pleasure iv seein' you." '' Maybe its a few hundred iv the small Kerry breed ye want, yer grace," ses I, "its a fine hardy little pig for the Highlands." " No, thank you," ses he, lafiin' " nothing iv a business nature, but surely you must have heard iv the splendid alliance we're about to make." " Iv coorse yer grace," ses I, " Is that what you mane, I was d lighted to larn it.^' The Marquis ought to be the proud and happy man, for sure its not a wife at all he's gettin', but a gift direct from Providence." '' She's a sweet crature," ees he, " and as the weddin' is comin' off next Tues- THADEUS O'tOOLE's LETTERS. 29 \ \ le divil me, but .*nt met 3ure we 11 iv ye d must d there 3 sorely He was a man forgets a hero, 1 degree , " l.ut, purpose ' you." y breed ly little ses he, ely you e about Is that rn ay happy ', but a •ature," t Tues- day, you must run down to Windsor, and honor ua wid your presence." '' Say no more, yer grace," ses I. " Weddins is things I always encourage and sorrah one I've heard iv for a long time has given me as much pleasure as this." Wid that he took his lave, and I began ponderin' as to which was the best style to appear at the ceremony. I at hst came to the conclusion that military full dress was the correct thing ; and as my brother Ulic wag aliftinint in the Ballinsloughguttry Yeomin in 1802, and I had a couple iv his uniforms at home, I just telegraphed for one and had it polished up to the nines. I must say I pursinted a splendid appearance, Phelim, forrin travellin' havin' given me a regular martial look, and as the style iv dress was rather ancient divil a one there could tell what sarvice I belonged to. The mornin' iv the 21st was beautiful and fair, and sure iv there's any truth in the ould sayin' they ought to be a happy couple, for the sun was out bright and plea- sant, waitin' to shine down on them. I got down to Windsor early, bein' always iv a punctual turn, but even then the railway station was crowded, and as I stepped on the platform the cheerin' was tremcnr'ous, as from my mixture of Irish and French style they took me for Marshal McMahon. Iv coorse I bowed perlitely as I passed to the chapel ) 30 THADEtTS o'TOOLE's LETTERS, where my card and tlie Duke's invitation made everything right. I had to wait a while for the bridegroom's party (me and the Duke was given' him away, Phelim,) so had a fine opportunity iv admirin' the grandeur all round. Eank, beauty and talent was there, sure enough. The grcntest statesmen iv the day, grandest nobles, and the purtiest girls you ever laid eyes on, mixed altogether like a splendid nosegay. The Royal party and the Duke's too soon arrived, and up we wint through the chapel, the organ pealin, out a grand weddin' march for us. The Princess, the darlint,' looked beautiful, just like an angel wid the wings cut oiF, and smothered in lace ar.d orange blossoms, and, as for the bridesmaids, I wonder they wornt afeerd to be seen lest they'd be taken up as desarters from heaven. I think I made a deep impression on one iv them, Phelim, I caught her lookin' at me sideways purty often, and if I'm not mistaken she tried a wink towards the end iv the sarvcice. The Princess, as might be expected, was mighty bashful, and the Marquis was not altogether at his aise ; but there was'nt near that amount iv agita- tion I have seen on sou^e similar occasions. Have you ever found out the cause iv all the weepin' that generally takes place at weddins', Phelim? The bride's mamma is almost sure to start it, and may be THAD2US o'tOOLE's LETTERS. 31 put down as '' first fiddle." It puts her in mind iv her own weddin,' she says, to say nothing iv " the grief iv partin' from her dear child." The brides- maids must be dissolved too, what for I never could lam unless its because they can't get marrid thim- selves. Aunts, sisters and young-lady cousins come, next all '' meltin'," and I generally remark that the bride whom you would expect to be most over- come, manages to keep ap the best iv the lot. If the bridegroom is not a brute he should be deeply affected, and a little grief will make him be considered a fine tinder-hearted man. I cried for four hours when I married Mrs. 0' Toole, and it was a dead heat with me and my mother-in-law which left off first. That's the way I believe a weddin' should be Phelim, but as I said afore there was little iv it to be seen last Tuesday. I certainly sobbed purty loud for half-an-hour, but it only made people think I was a Garmin Prince cry in' for the breech iv the marriage law, so the effect was spiled entirely. The breakfast was splendid, and I was introduced to an immense number of the aristocracy. The pipers played every second coorse for us, and the Duke tould me he found it a beautiful thing for the digestion although I must say it rather upset mine. The young couple went off to Claremout, Phelim, wid all our best wishes after them. I intinded makin' then, a 32 THADEUS o'TOOLB'S LETTERS. present afore they wint but couldn't make up my mind what to giv them. Somethin' useful is always the best for young married people, so my foelin's was upset between a warming pan and a set iv smootLiin* irons. But as I'm late now I think I'll wait and send a few bottles iv Mrs. Winslow's soothing syrup WHIN ITS WANTED. I think I'll be off home next Monday, Phelim, as I'm getting tired iv grandeur, so this is last you'll here from this side iv the channel. I remain, as usual, Your lovin' Uncle, till death, Thadeus O'Toole. SOUVENIR ALBUMS. > Pierce & Paterson, 10 FABRIQUE STREET, UPPER TOWN, QUEBEC. Opposite the Jtauit JJurracks. '^(©'Qg^? *si^TS^ry ^