# ^5^^^o. IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) A^ N^ ^^^ m. 1.0 I.I 1^1 I 40 M 12.0 1.8 1.25 M 1.6 — i .4 6" — ► V] <^ /i ^a "^ y ^ Photographic Sdences Corporation 33 WEST MAIN STREET WEBSTER, N.Y. 14580 (716) 872-4503 %^ ..^ ^i> s ii? Ua t CIHM/ICMH Microfiche Series. CIHIVI/ICMH Collection de microfiches. Canadian Institute for Historical Microreproductions / Institut Canadian de microreproductions historiques Technical and Bibliographic Notes/Notes techniques at bibliographiques The Institute has attempted to obtain the best original copy available for filming. Features of this copy which may be bibliographically unique, which may alter any of the images in the reproduction, or which may significantly change the usual method of filming, are checked below. D D □ D D D D Coloured covers/ Couverture de couleur I I Covers damaged/ Couverture endommagde Covers restored and/or laminated/ Couverture restaurde et/ou pelliculde I I Cover title missing/ Le titre de couverture manque I I Coloured maps/ Cartes gdographiques en couleur Coloured ink (i.e. other than blue or black)/ Encre de couleur (i.e. autre que bleue ou noire) I I Coloured plates and/or illustrations/ Planches et/ou illustrations en couleur Bound with other material/ Reli^ avec d'autres documents Tight binding may cause shadows or distortion along interior margin/ La re liure serrde peut causer de I'ombre ou de la distortion le long de la marge intdrieure Blank leaves added during restoration may appear within the text. Whenever possible, these have been omitted from filming/ II se peut que certaines pages blanches ajout^es lors d'une restauration apparaissent dans le texte, mais, lorsque cela dtait possible, ces pages n'ont pas 6t6 filmdes. Additional comments:/ Commentaires suppldmentairesr L'histitut a microfilmd le meilleur exemplaire qu'il lui a dtd possible de se procurer. Les details de cet exemplaire qui sont peut-dtre uniques du point de vue bibliographique, qui peuvent modifier une image reproduite, ou qui peuvent exiger une modification dans la methods normale de filmage sont indiquds ci-dessous. D Coloured pages/ Pages de couleur D D D D HShowthrough/ Transparence Pages damaged/ Pages endommagdes Pages restored and/or laminated/ Pages restaur^es et/ou pelliculdes Pages discoloured, stained or foxed/ Pages d^colordes, tachetdes ou piqudes Pages detached/ Pages ddtachdes I I Quality of print varies/ Quality indgale de I'impression Includes supplementary material/ Comprend du materiel suppldmentaire Only edition available/ Seule Edition disponlble Pages wholly or partially obscured by errata slips, tissues, etc., have been refilmed to ensure the best possible image/ Les pages totalement ou partiellement obscurcies par un feuillet d'errata, une pelure, etc., ont dt6 filmdes d nouveau de fapon d obtenir la meilleure image possible. This item is filmed at the reduction ratio checked below/ Ce document est filmd au taux de reduction indiqud ci-dessous. 10X 14X 18X 22X 26X SOX 7 12X 16X 20X 24X 28X 32X The copy filmed here has been reproduced thanks to the generosity of: Library of the Pubiic Archives of Canada L'exemplaire film6 fut reproduit grAce d la g6n6rosit6 de: La bibliothdque des Archives publiques du Canada The images appearing here are the best quality possible considering the condition and legibility of the original copy and in keeping with the filming contract specifications. Les images suivantes ont 6t6 reproduites avec le plus grand soin. compte tenu de la condition et de la nettetd de l'exemplaire 1t\m6, et en conformity avec les conditions du contrat de filmage. Original copies in printed paper covers are filmed beginning with the front cover and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, or the back cover when appropriate. All other original copies are filmed beginning on the first page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impression. The last recorded frame on each microfiche shall contain the symbol — ^> (meaning "CON- TINUED"), or the symbol V (meaning "END"), whichever applies. Les exemplaires originaux dont la couverture en papier est imprimis sont film6s en commandant par le premier plat et en terminant soit par la dernidre page qui comportu une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration, soit par le second plat, salon le cas. Tous les autres exemplaires originaux sont film6s en commenpant par la premidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration et en terminant par la dernidre page qui comporte une telle empreinte. Un des symboles suivants apparattra sur la dernidre image de chaque microfiche, selon le cas: le symbols — ► signifie "A SUIVRE", le symbols V signifie "FIN". Maps, plates, charts, etc., may be filmed at different reduction ratios. Those too large to be entirely included in one exposure are filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrams illustrate the method: Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., peuvent dtre film6s A des taux de reduction diffdrents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul clichd, il est film6 d partir de Tangle sup6rieur gauche, de gauche d droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d'images n6cessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la mdthode. 1 2 3 32X 1 2 3 4 5 6 CANADA PUBLIC ARCHIVES ARCHIVES PUBLIQUES THE GREAT CONVENTION: BEING A FULL ACCOUNT OP ITS INCEPTION, RECEPTION, DECEPTION EXCEPTION, AND CONCEPTION. BY A YOUNG DEFORMER, WHO LOTBa HIS COUNTRY, PATS THB TAXB8, AND, BBINO OUT OF DEBT, OOM't CAM A. BOaua BILL FOB AHT BOOT. THIS IS THB ONLY TRUE SOLUTION AND DILUTION OF THE DISSOLUTION OF THE UNION- ?• ^•— Take notice, oh Reader, that thou oughtest to be plaffued and physicked .or thy stupidity, if thou findest not instruction as well fts pleasure m the within pages. TOBONTO: PRINTED FOR THE AUTHOR. 1859. / 1 SJ CHAPTER I. The mellow beams of the Indian snmmcr sun had scarce pene- trated through the douse woods that cnvironnd the ancient, loyal, retro{^rossivc. ajjf^rossive, and cnlineriil, when a question relative to the irrcgtdarity of the iiuiils has been unexpectedly pro- pounded by an impertinently inquisiti\ e member. But for all that the Little Squire — Squire Little was his proper name — was so uu- communicative to the Avife of his bosom, a stranger— supposing such an individual to have intruded himself into such an awk.vard posi- tion as the Squire's bed-chamber — could not have; failed to perceive that matters of the greatest importance occupied his attention. At times he wou^i sigh deeply, and mutter incoherent sentences about " ruination, starvation, spoliation, tergiversation, and damnation." Then he would suddenly break out into a brilliant apostrophe, as if addressing an admiring audience, and ask the basin-stand, with all the gravity in the world, if it " was going to stand it any longer?" concluding his query by giving it such a thump that this article of domestic economy more than once gave unmistakeable signs of noi standing it any longer. Nor did the eccentric conduct of the good squire stop here. At breakfast he partook of raw beefsteaks, much to the horror of his wife, whom he appeased by stating that " the situation of the country was such that no man, deserving to be called a man, — the squire was always magniiicent on his manhood — should be particularly fastidious as to a shade of Brown; and, if any- thing, blood agreed with his present disposition." lie then strug- gled into his top coat. — it would be ironical to call it his big coat — and having girded on an old rusty sword that had been his grandfather's, and embraced his Aveeping wife, who was now sure that the poor man was clean daft, he sallied out, swearing by tiie dust of his father's bones that the crisis of the country had come at last, and de- nouncing vengeance and heaping responsibility upon those by whom it had come." A short walk brought the squire to that time-honored building which the sportive citizens of Small Village had misappropriately christened the "Town Hall." Uaving ascended one flight of steps and fallen down another, owing to his sword getting between his legs, he enten^d the building in which the trusty burghers of Small had been duly summoned by sound of Bell and Proclamation to meet, in order that they might deliberate on the state of the Nation, and devise such remedies for its dreadful condition as seemed best to their enlightened wisdom. The body of the Uall could not be said 8 to lie "crowded," or "jammed to the door," or "filled to fiiiffociition," or any thing (A' tliat sort, iiidiilpi'd in by niondacioius ponny-a-Iincrs. Xor, on tlujotlier liaiid, (vjuld it be said to bo empty: it was occupied l>y one tabby cat, who licked her whisk(!rs and bawked in the sun, as if Upper ('ariada were serenely happy instead of being on the brink of destruelion. On the ])lat(V)rm -wero four men, who rose to greet the S(piire, or rather to |iick him up, but he was too nimble for them. The lirst individual, KbiMiezer Longlegs, the od'Lor of the Small Sneezer, was a tall, thin man. The H(iuire was a short fat man, hence they wero called the long aud the short of tic village. The second was a grufl", nnddle-si/ed, i)udding-headed rascal, named Xathan Numskull, He was a lawyer by prtifession — a loafer by trade. The third was a good-humored, {deasaiit man, named Jack .folly; and the fourth was a snivelling, cringing lujund, known as Sam Sneek. As soon as the scjuiro had taken his s(>at, Mr. Sn'kkiv moved that Squire Little d(j take the Chair. Mr. LoNXii/Kos seconded the motion, and the S(iuire accordingly, figuratively siwaking, took the Chair, and was soon lost to sight in its ample proportions. Recovering himself, or to speak more correctly, discovering him- self, with a little difficulty, the Squire read the requisitii)n calling the meeting. It was a weighty document, and set forth that whereas the prer'iut administration was conceived in sin and begotten in per- dition; and whereas. Upper Canada Avas ruled over wMth a rod of iron by Lower Canada; and Avhereas, Upper Canada paid all the t.ixes and Lower Canada spent them; and whereas, Upper Canada yielded all the revenue and Lower Canada received all the income; and whereas, Lower Canada was a beastly ignorant place and had no confidence in George Brown, or any ministry he might form; that therefore, meetings be held all over Upper Canada to elect delegates to attend a great meeting to be held by George Brown in Toronto, for the purpose of demanding a Dissolution of the Union, and secur- ing the overthrow of the present ofBce-loving ministry, and the in- stallation of the said George Brown. The Chairman oflercd a few remarks on the above. The people of the Western Province, he said, and especially the thinking portion of the inhabitants of the illustrious village of Small then assembled, had sufiered in silence the great and hideous wrongs which were daily being inflicted upon them by the present corrupt ministry. They had forborne until forbearance ceased to be a virtue; aud now the time for action had arrived. (Cheers.) The maimer in which the country was to be saved was very simple. The inhabitants of his illustrious native village then assembled could do it — nay, would do it — but that it might seem presumptions in them to monopolize all of the good work to themselves. Toronto, Hamilton, and other places of some note — though node of them could boast of men of the same grasp of intellect as his native place could — yet, they had a right to be heard on the present occasion, and in accordance with that right he dosircd the Smallonions then present to elect deleg'at'\'^ to go down and hear thenr\. After reading the rc([uiHition, the election of dolegatcH commenced. Mr.Snef.k moved, that inasmuch as the present meeting,coriipo.scd of the cnlighted inhabitants of Small, had full conlidence in the integrity ofScpiire Little, and in his ability to save Upper Canada from the pit of destruction, over which she was* at present Ixn-ering, that therefore the said S(fuirc Little be elected a delegate. The motion was carried amid enthusiastic applause. Nathan Numskull moved that Ebenezar Longlegft, Esq., the talent- ed editor of Sneezer, whose articles shook monarcfis on their thronob and derided the destinies of nations, be elected a delegate. Carried amidst tumultuous ciiecring. Jack Joixy moved that Numskull be elected a delegate, as he was a good hand to mix whiskey punch, and had credit at most of the taverns on the road. Carried nem.con. Squire LrriLR, left the chair and moved that Jack Jolly bo elected a delegate, because he was a capital hand to tell good stories and loved his country withal. Carried unanimously. Sam Sneek, as nobody else would do it for him, moved that he himself be elected a delegate ; and as none of those then assembled took any notice him, he considered himself elected. CHAPTER 11. The village of Small is distant from Toronto about six and sixty miles, and t!)e road which connects those famous places is generally passable in fine and impassable in bad weather. There are no rail- ways in the regions surrounding this famous village. The morning was bright and clear in which our five heroes found themselves seated in a box waggon, and jogging along at the rale of three miles an hour to Toronto. But although the pace was slow the way did not seem to be tedious to the travellers. They begui'ed the time by dwelling on the grievous wron2;.s of Upper Canada. " Yes, sirs," says Mr. Longlegs, " for years and years past I have pointed out, through the Sneezer the dreadful calamities towards which the present corrupt ministry were steering the Provincial Bark — but my warning voice was unheeded. It was in vain that 1 warned the people from Gaspe to Sandwich that unless my advice was taken the Constitution could not be maintained intact. All was in vain. The crisis has at last conrae. The constitution must be set aside, and a now order of things instituted." Mr. Sneek — " What did the Attorney General say to your last article, Mr. Longlegs ?" It is said," quoth Mr. Legs, " that when he read it he grew pale, and called for" — «' Pale brandy," suggested Mr. Jolly, ilcgato» monced. |)o.sod of iitt'grity roni the iig, that talent- ■ thi-onoy s he vvas st of the elected ories and d that he issembled and sixty generally re no rail- roes found the rale of IS slow the 'gui'ed the ^ast I have ards which Bark— but varned the 3 taken the irain. The side, and a your last grew pale, " Not so," says Legs," " he called for Sniiih, the P. M. G , and says he, ' Smith, my boy, wc can't hold out much longer agninst articles like this,' {)ointirig out the one in question. ' It's pretty hard indeed,' says Smith. ♦ Sposin' we make him a SheridT says the Attorney. ' He can't be bought nor sold,' says Smith. 'We'll have lo resign then,' says McDonald. " You don't say so," says old .lolly, who didn't seem lo believe the story. "Oh, the country's in an awful position," again breaks out Mr. Longlegs, closing his i-yos, and throwing himself back in a woeful manner — lo signify that the recovery of the country was extremely doubtful. '♦ Dreadful," responded Sneak. ♦' Excruciating," replied the Squire. "Fearful," says Mr. Numskull. "Exactly" chimes in old Jolly. "The people of Toronto," says the Squire, "are, I understand, in a great excitement to know what part we will lake in the Convention. I only hope they will allow us to go to our hotels in quietness, and dispense with levees, torch-light processions and such nonsense." " Let us hope so," says Snet- k. With these and such like reflections, our five heroes travelled on, until they came to the first halting place, where they had dinner. After dinner Squire Little was so tffected at the dreadful position of the country, that he was observed to weep. Shortly afterwards he became speechless — and finally he had to be carried back to his place in the box waggon, and deposited at the bottom of it, among the straw. Mr. Jolly said the Squire was drunk. None of the other delegates seemed to be in a position to correct this slander on the Squire's char* acter. Mr. Longlegs would have done so, no doubt, but he was too busily engaged in climbing into the waggon, with the aid of Mr. Sneeic — a feat which he did not accomplish until he had slipped twice or thrice, to the great damage of his inexpressibles and to the wound- ing of his shins. Numskull did nothing unustia', except driving the horses into the inn door in making a weak-m : led attempt to turn them round the other way. Mr. Longlegs sat on one end of the wag- gon composing aloud a smashing article for the Sneezer. Mr. Jolly took his place and lit his pipe at the other end, as if nothing was the matter; and Mr. Sneek made himself as small as possible in a corner of the waggon. The jolting of the waggon soon roused the Squire from his stupour, produced solely by his reflections on the slate of the country, and, taking a fancy to driving, he demanded the reins from Numskull. "Let's have the re-reins. Numskull, said the Squire, "you know you're in-in-intossicated and ca-can't drive." Mr. Numskull excused himself, as the horses were rather flighty, and as the Squire thought undoubtedly tight, could not hold them tightly enough. 6 At this llie S(|uiro waxed wratliy. and, p^cllinp: up 'n tlie wuf^iron, aiintd 11 fierce blow at llie (hiver. Pnliaps ii was owiii^r lo ihe I'uol that lie saw two drivers or to some ollu-r cause iliat llie Scjuire missed his mark. However it was, his arm passed liarmlessly through tlieair. and instead ot'assailirijjf Numskull, In; fell over willi the momentum of the blow atri embraced liitn round the neck; so suddenly and unex[){'ct- cdly was it done that the reins fell from Numskull's hands, and in a trice the box-waggon and its occupants were going- down the road at a runaway pace. The fright of the travellers was great. Mr Longlegs hollowed for mercy, vowing ho was the greatest sinner live, and the Squire the greatest fool unhung. Mr. Sneek fell into the bottom of the waggon and howled for help. ThoS'iuire and .Mr. Numskull fought savagely, unconscious of all danger; and Mr. Jolly sat in a corner and quietly dropped out when he came to a soft spot in the road. After the horses had run a quarter of a mile, a sudden turn in the road occurred, where •was a ditch, into which the travellers were unceremoniously turned, waggon and all. There they lay groaning, until some persons came lo their rescue, and in consideration of their mission, helped theu» out, mended their waggon, and put them once more on the road. CHAPTER III. Arrived in town our five friends were agreeably surprised — at least they said so— to find that tlie people of Toronto were not guilty of the bad taste of meeting them with any public demonstration. " Such things " said they, "would do very well if the country were not in such a diabolical position ; but as it is, it is the mark of true greatness to labor unrecognized for the public good." As our friends had a day to spare, they concluded that despite the dreadful position of Upper Canada, they would make themselves com- fortable. Accordingly they adjourned to the Rossin House. Mr. Jolly proposed that they should go to the Theatre in the even- ing, and finish up with any oyster supper in the Terrapin. To this th -y all agreed. ScjuiRE Little suggested that, it would not be a had idea if they would call on the Attorney General and ask him what he meant by treating Upper Canada as he did. Mr. Jolly overruled this suggestion, and proposed that until the t leatre opened they should amuse themselves pitching pennies. This was finally agreed upon ; and a sufficient supply of lemon whiskey, hot water and sugar having been brought in, the door was shut, and. the game commenced. In the course of an hour, Mr. Jolly won every penny in the company — except from Sneek, who wouldn't play. At seven o'clock they adjourned to tlie theatre and took thcirplace.s in the pit. Here they were soon surrounded by a dozen wags, who neither respected their country, nor looked upon its saviours with be- coming reverence. «« May I pruiuirp," sai I one of them to tlic Squire, •« who hnd the lionur of makiiiir your tile !" •♦ How is the Convcniijn, sir?" says anotlier. *» I'ray, sir, does your inaiiunu know you arc out?" enquired a tliird. " I hc'^r your pardon, sir," says anolht'r who had knocked the wind out of the poor S(iuire, by a hearty thunii) ou the back, "I mistook you for Jones !" " Mow's Smith, from y(»ur ])art of ilio country ?" encpiired a y^unff gentleinon with an (!ye-t;las,s, of Mr. IjOMjrleg.s. •'Be kind enough to remember me to him wlicn you pro back." " Have you ii^ol such a ihiiiir as an acre of land in your pocket, sir?" (isk-cil a tall man o( Niimf-kull. '• VVliat's your opinion of the concretion of abstract matter, taken in a uniform manner, and apart from ilie recognized principles of political economy, sir?" another asked. To these fpiestions, the S(|uire and Numskull made what they considered suitably polite answer — except to the last which was a stag- perer. Just as the play commenced, there was the usual cry of "hats off." The moment was too exciting to allow of Numskull paving any attention to it, and in a moment he suddenly found liimseli' in the dark — his hat being driven over his eyes by a dexterous youth. All tliis time Mr. Sneek and Mr. Longlegs sat as mute as mice — while Mr. Jolly sat and laughed until he had like to split. Indeed, Sneek afterwards; said it was Jolly who " bonneted " his friend, Numskull. The play passed off without any incident worth mentioning, except, that (during the performance) some sacrilegious person filled the Squire's pockets with paving stones and painted a ridiculous cartoon on the broad back of Mr. Numskull's white top coat. Mr. Longlegs on looking for his hat was also horrified to find it under the seat full of water ; and Mr. Sneek on rising to go away was in no small de- gree astonislied lo find his coat tails inextricably tied to the feet of his seat. With these little draw-backs our heroes enjoyed the play vastly^ After the curtam fell on the last piece, ihey adjourned to the Ter- rapin according to determination, and had a glorious oyster supper — over which the quintette once more grew eloquent over tiie wrongs in- flicted upon the country and its terrible position. This theme was so exciting that the Little Squire at last insisted on getting upon the table and making a speech, wliich, no doubt, he would liave done if had not quickly falU'n from liis elevated position on top of surly Mr, Nutmskull, who took it in such ill part that the police were on the point of being called in to settle the dispute. After this, these five saviours of their country prepared to go home. No sooner, however, liad they reached the street than the Squire's limbs failed him, and in a vain attempt to support him, Mr. Num- skull had the misfortune to fall down, bringing with him by way of company, his other three companions. There those poor men lay in the mud, quite weighed down by the dreadful position of the country, until the night-watch found them, and packed them oQ'to the Station House in a cab. ClIAPTEH IV. The long-looked for Dth of November, which was to decido the fato of Canada — to extinguish all her evils and introduce u long reign of prosperity — at last, arrived. Delegates from all parts of Western Canada were assembled in the St. Lawrence Hall. What n motley collection! Broken down Editors, — political black legs, idiotic backwoods man, half starved reeves, ragged members of Parliament, hungry lawyers, simple-minded yeomen and cuiming sharks — to say nothing of the honest men present, and our five friends from the Vil- lage of Small. At twelve o'clock, Sam. Somehody, Esq., moved that Mr. Num- skull take the chair, he being one of the oldest and most enlightened Reformers above ground. Squire Little was proceeding to take umbrage at being thus orerlooked, but before he could make himself seen, the motion was carried, and he had to sufl'er in silence the cruel mortification of see- ing such a fellow as Numskull preferred before liim. Letters of apology were next read from many of the leading men of the world. The following are some of them : From Garnbaldi.— (Translation) Italy, Oct. '59. Dear Sir — I am sorry that I cannot attend the Convention. My hands are full now. I have the Pope in one hand and the Emperor of Austria in the other — and with my feet I am kicking the Emperor of the French. Were it not for that I would come over and drive the French out of Lower Canada in short time, very. Wishing you a speedy riddance of them, I remain, yours, &c., GARRIBALOI. P.S. — If Mr. Brown says he is a relation of mind, both our families having come from the same place in Scotland, it must be so — though I have no recollection of him, his lamily or country. G. A Front the Emperor of Morocco. — (Translation.) Palace, Oct., '59. To THE Toronto Convention, grektino — We would to a certainty do ourselves the pleasure of being present at the convention to be held on the 9th Nov., but that we are just now engaged in licking the blackguard Spaniards, whom may his Infernal Majesty for ever confound. Touching the Convention, we advise you to have an immediate dis- solution of every French Canadian in the Province. If you would prefer it we will place a desert Island at your disposal, to which you can banish them as St. Patrick banished the reptiles from Ireland. (Signed) IZLBUKTOOYEOT. Emperor of Morocco. From the Envpemr of Chiia. — {Translating,) I'Ar.ACK, I'kkin, IS51). Grketino — We ncvc.T ullow (/onveiilions in our reiilrn. Conventions, it spcm lo us, ulvvay product! oontentioiif and with us such things iminL'tliuto- ly end in ih'tijnsions and cxteiiiions. As, however, you wiint to pet rid of those French fellows, and us we don't love them in our heart, wo will send you over our preat captain Yeh with a picked hand of Kvecutioners, and if all tho Lower Canadians in Canada are not decapitated before they are aware of it, then may China, to use a homely ex[,.ession, "dry up." TSU FEW KEVV. Emperor of China. Ftom the Proprietors of the •' Great Eastern^ London, Oct. 1839. Dear Sirs, — In reply to your urgent demand, as to whetlier the owners of the Great Eastern would place that vessel at the disposal of the Convention for the purpose of transporting all the French Canadians into the mid- die of tho ocean, and there scuttling her, we beg to say that we cannot comply with your request, unless you hand us over first the sum of £1J,00(),00() sterling. If you do this you can have the ship, and do whatever the devil you like with her. Yours, &c., SCOTT RUSSELL, For tlie owners. From Virginian Brown, State Prison, Viuoinia, Nov. '59. Dear Conventionist, — I w^ould most willingly attend the Convention if Wise would let mc. However, he is too wise for that. Perhaps I'll drop in and see you in the spirit, if they drop me in lime. Being a spirit by that time, I wouldn't take it unkind if you .d a drop in the bottle for me. Yours in trouble, JOHN BROWN. From an Eminent Engineer. London, Oct., 1859. Dear Sir, — a In reply to your note of enquiry, Lbeg to stale that I have devised a plan by which the waters of Lake Ontario might be suddenly turned 10 looso over ihc whole of Lower Canada. If my plan were adopted, I would cnfrage to drown every mother's son in Lower Canada any ni'frht in the year. If you wish you can advertize for tenders. Yours, »fec., NENA SAHIB. Z'V&m Squire Jones. Otterville, Nov. 7, '59. Dear Sir, — I would most willingly attend the Convention but that the Missus has locked up my boots and clean shirts, and says I shan't go. Yours in sorrow, SaUIRE JONES, From BiVy Barlow, E.^.q. Snowville, Nov, 8, '59. Dear Sir, — I intended to go to your Convention, but you see as how Molly, tlie mare, lias got the lieaves pretty bad, and Jack, the ould horse, is Jame, and Jenny, my wife, lias got a could in her head, and two o' the chil- dren has got the measles, and Tim, the boy, nearly cut his fut off with tlie reapin' hook, and you see I'm pretty much on my own hook. However, I'd be oblieed to you if you'd tell the people of Toronto that them's my sentiments to a dot, and I'll stick them while there's a blast of breath in Yours for ever WILLIAM BARLOW. CHAPTER V. The letters having been dispatched, the work of the Convention com- menced. The Chairman called on the delegates to unravel the bright and glorious schemes for the redemption of their country, which were entombed in their ponderous biains. The time was when he hllle thought — he had no allusion to his friend Squire Little — that he would be called upon to play so promi- nent a i)art in the affairs of state, and although the present moment was the proudest one of his life, yet he could wish from his heart that the occasion ibr it had never arisen. ( Symptoms of droivs ness manifested amongst I he auclience.) They all knew the objects for which they were met there that day. Mr. Jolly.— J 'II be i^hot if I do ! Chairman. — His friend, Mr. Jolly, was pleased to be in a merry humor ; and, of coij|se, notwithstanding his assartion, the delegates would please to take notice, that Mr. Jolly did know what he was at present in the St. Lawrei\ce Hall for. 11 Mr, Jolly. — I tell you T don't ! (Apj)laiise.) Chairman. — And 1 tell you you do ! (Sensation.) Mr. Jolly. — I don't ! (Cheers.) Chairman. — I .say etiiphatically, you do, sir ! (Excitement.) Mr. Jolly. — And I say, most emphatically, i don't, sir-eo ! (Great excitement.) Chairman. — Haven't you met here because the country's in an awful state? (Cheers.) Mr. Jolly. — I don't know. (Counter cheers.) Chairman.— You do ! (Great applause.) Mr. Jolly. — I dont ! (Violent excitement.) Chairman. — Isn't the country ruined ? (Cheers.) Mr. Jolly.— Devil a bit ! (Cries of" Hurrah !") CiiAiiiMAN. — Don't swear, sir ! Mr. Jolly. — I didn't. Capt. Robert Moodik. — As the question is an open one, let the gentle- men toss up to see who is rijfht. Hon. Geo. Bkown', M. P.P. — Phew — ew ! How did you cet inhere, you pickled adjunct of Charon's ferry boat ! (Hear, hear, from several ♦leop'e.) £^Capt. MooDiK — ^^"hy, you see, gentlemen, as you were scurvy enough to slam the door in my face, I took the liberty of coming in through the window ; and now that I am here, there ain't a man in the room fit to put me out ; and Til stop here. Jiy tlie sacred tip of Neptune's terrible trident, I will, and have my share in saving the province. (Cheers and hisses.) With that, Bob took off his coat, and danced about in such an excited manner, that no one had the courage to touch him, and the discussion of hoA- to save the nation was renewed. 'i'he Chaiuman resumed, and after a few remarks, drew attention to the fact that Jjower Canada, with a population not half as large as that of Upper Canada, made fill the laws for the province, spent all the revenue of the province; yet that she contributed none of the taxes — that her debt was paid by Upper Canada — that her inhabitants vveio slaves and tools of the priests — that not one in every ten thousand of them could reail — that they could be bought and sold like sheep at eleciions— and in short, Lower Cana- da, he believed, was a part and parcel of the lower region, and all the Lower Canadians had the mark of Cain upon theuL (Tremendous applause.) Srpii e Hazy (Delegate from Nowhere,) — Concurred in the remarks that lia'! fallen from the worthy chaiiman. It was quite true the Lower Cana- dians were a marked race. (Hear.) It was also true that they had Uiils, "f- — (Hear, hear,)— which sliowed (hat they were not many degrees removed from moakey.!. (Hear, hear, hear.) Was Upper Canada going to be rid rough-shod over by such abortive specimens of ihe f/enus hunio? (Cries of Lower Canada that wer-^ many and gri-at. In th.i first place, the people were " No, no !" and " V\'L^ a he ?") Other charges were brought against Frenchmen. Now, what right had they to be Frenchmen ? Why couldn't they be Dutchmen, Irishmen, or even Musselmen, or well as Frenchmen? In the second place, I^ower Canada had not the same population as Upper Canada. Why was this? He sought no physiological reason, — though, 13 perliape, one could be found. The true reason was greed : — Lower Cana'la wanted to monopolize a'l she could, and to divide it amongst as few mouths as jiossihle. In the third place, Lower Canadians were Roman Catholicf, and lived on {'roj»s, — both of which were insuperable obji'ction^ to the maintenance of the Union. (Cheers.) In the fourth place, Lower Canada will not assimilate her laws to ours. What ris^ht had Lower Canadians to have different lawr», manners, and custom"^ from Upper Canada 1 Tt was presumption in them to do so. It was part of that system by which thev hoped one day to sweep away Upper Canada altogether ; but it wouldn't do. Upper Canada was now going to assert her rights. (Great applause.) In the fifth place — Farmer Tom Noddy (Delegate from Mudville.) — Would like to know how many mote places Squire Hazy had. (Hear, hear ) He seemed to have as many places at his disposal as a Minister of the present corrupt Government. (Laughter and violent demonstrations.) He (Tom Noldy) didn't come down to hear Squire Hazy's opinion of things in general. (Cheers ) He came d »wn to give his own opinion. (Great applause.) And his opinion was that the present state of the country was very bad, and that it was the duty of (he people to make it better. (Applause.) There was no denying th;it the state of the country was very bad. (Hear, hear.) The Globa said so— the Sneezer said so — the Reformers said so — that is, some of them — and it must be so. (Cheers.) Well then, there was no denying that the country was ruined. Was there? (Cries of "No, no.") Very well then. Now for the second part of his argument : namely, that it was the duty of the people to make the state of the country better. Would any one say that it was not tho duty of the people to make the state of the country belter? (Ciies of " No, no," and '* Yes, yes.") Very well. Would any one deny that a country ou'd make a country better ? (Applause.) Very well, then ; let vs make the country better as soon as possible. (Applause.) Will we do so or will we forbear? (Cries of " Certainly not," "Never," and " Decidedly so.") Very well. How are we to do so ] The question only admitted of one answer — " a dissolution of the union !" (Wild applause.) With these few remarks, containing in his (Tom Noddy's) opinion, a clear view of the dreadful position of the country, and its only cure — he begged to take his seat. (Tremendous cheering.) Ebknkzer Longlegs, Esq., had 1 stened with intense delight and un- bounded satisfaction to the eloquent speech of his friend Tom Noddy. That gentleman had taken a correct and statesman-like — indeed, he might say, the only correct and statesman-like view of the subject — (hear, hear.) Thomas Noddy was a man of no ordinary giasp of intellect, as they all knew — (cheers)— and as his telling speech had evinced— (cheers.) 'J hat gentleman had been pleased to refer to his feeble efforts (cries of "no, no, strong efforts,") he felt flattered, but must persist in repeating, his feeble efforts ill the good cause, through the columns of the Soeezer, He could say without being guilty of egotism, that the Sneezer y/'d.^ a great Jack Jolly — (sol.) — Humbug! (applause.) Mr. LoNGLKos thought that some persons had brass enough in their face* to bottom the Oreat Eos' em. Capt. Moodie, would like to enquire of that son of a sea gull, Longlegs, 13 what he meant \>y speakinjr of a ship's bcttcm being covered with brass ? — (hear, hear, and cheers.) Every fool knew — though tliat was not the reason he, [the Captain] did —that a ship's bottom was covered with copper, — • (cheers). Mr. Longlegs of the Sfieczer, was a pretty specimen of a dele- gate to be sent to save the country from ruination and damnation, and all the other ations that afflicted it — when he did n(jt know what a ship's bottom was covered with. — (wild cheering.) Joseph Gould, M.P.P. — 'J bought it was a very little matter what a ship's bottom was covered with as loncj as she held water. Capt. Moody would like to know if he was obliged to stand this. — (Cries of certa nly not.") There was a man— he was going to call him an old rep- robate, but he would'nt—; cheers), that actually had 'iie impudence to say that it didn't make any matter what a ship's bottom w;is covered with. — (Sensation). lie was a pretty man to be connected with the v< sstl of state. (Applause.^ He was a fine specimen of a dry land sailor— .(Cheers.^ And then the idea of a ship holding water ! He (Capt. Moodie) was not an old man, but he could conscientiously say that he was Mr. Jolly — (sol.^ An ass— ^rapturous applause.) Capt. Moodie would like to know who said that ? Was it Mr. Brown? CHear, hear.) Was it Squire Small? — (Hear, hear.) Yes, he thought it was Squire Small — the mean, sneeking, puny villain, sitting there in the corner, and pretending to be asleep. — (Cheers.) But he'd rouse him up, so he would. He'd knock the priggish marine into the middle of next week, so he would And so he did. That is, he knocked the innocent and unsuspecting little Squire, who had been dozing over the wrongs of his country in a corner, into the middle of the platform, where he lay utterly confounded under the table. As soon as the Squire recovered himself, he drew his old rusty sword and ran at the Captain with indescribable fury, and indeed it would have fared bad with him if Mr. Jolly had not caught his little friend in his arms and carried him off. As s^oon as order was restored, Dr. Connor remarked, that as a dissolution of the union seemed to be the intention of the Conference, he would wahh hii hands of the matter. For his part he placed more faith in the dissolution of the ministry, than in a dissolution of the union. There was an old saying that union was strength, and like an old fogy as he was, he believed that it was true. — f^Hear, hear, and cheers.) He did not believe that the people of Upper Canada wanted a dbsolution of the union, Mr. Brown. — The hon. gentleman is mistaken. Public opinion demands a dissolution of the union. — (Cheers). The Press has demanded it. Dr. Connor was not aware that public opinion demanded the dissolution of tbo union, or that the Press demanded it. It was true that the Globe demanded it ; and that some miserable, sniveling weaklies in the country, that took all their opinions from the Globe, had demanded it. But these organs — he meant penny whistles — did not constitute public opinion. — ('Cheers.) Public opinion was a sacred thing. It was universal. It sprang, not from a clique, but frona the people. It was supported by men of all political creeds, and was as irresistible as the mountaia avalanche or the mighty Niagara.-— 14 (Applause.") Now, what person present would dare to say that Upper Can- ada as a whole, or oven the half or the quarter of it demanded a dissolution of the union] No one three degrees removed from the state of a danger- ous lunatic, would dare to say 8o. — f Great cheering). And yet some repre- sentatives of the people — some men who hoped to guide the reins of state, liad stirred up this Cdnveution for the express purpose of bringing about a dissolution of the Union. — ('Cheers.) Mr. Brown was astonished to hear his learned friend ramble on in that incoherent ridiculons style. — (Sensation.) There could be no question but that a dissolution of the Union was demanded. As long as there was a maintenance of the Union, the present ministry would r'emain in power ; and as long as the present ministry remained in power there was no chance for anv other ministry getting into power— and consequently Upper Canada would be ruined past redemption in a very short time. — (Cheers.) It was liue that if the present ministry would resign, there would be no use for a dissolution of the Union — but the present ministry would not resign as long as they could get Lower Canadirin support. Therefore, it was plainly proved that there must be a dissolution of the Union. — (Cheers.) J. S. McDonald, M.P.P., had sat for some time in silence listening to the honorable member, and trying to understand what he could be after. But he could not make head or tail of it. (Hear, hear, and cheers.) He thought the decisions arrived at rather premature, and wished that the meeting would take a sen.*-ible man's advice, and not rashly adopt a policy which might turn out as erroneous ns if a man should cut off his leg because his toe ached. (Cheers.) lie had great hopes in the future of Canada. Hope was the ruling passion ot his mind. (^Uear, hear.j He believed in hope Adam Hope (delegate from London) would immediately insist upon shaking hands with his honorable friend for saying so. He was delighted to hear such confidence expressed in him, by one to whom he must be compar- atively speaking a stranger. (Ciies of*' go it, old beeswax.") Ho was not a " beeswax " (Cheers. ) lie was a plain, simple body from London — born and bred in the noble mysteries of the " monger'' business ; and he had come to town not so much to attend the meeting, as that he had heard that Mr. Brown was about to write another letter to him, relative to the Dissolution of the Union, and as the former letters from Mr. Brown had almost ruined his trade and destroyed his credit all over the country, he had come down to beg of him as a christian man, not to do so. — [Great applause.] Mfi. BrvOWfidid not want the time of the meeting occupied by the lambj- ing remarks of an itinerant tinker. — [Ch»ers.] M. II. Foley, M. P. P., thought an itinerant tinker as good as Mr. Brown any day. Capt. MooDiii thought him much better. M. H. Foley would like to know who had directed any part of their con- versation 10 such an ignorant jack-pudding as Capt. Moodie. Captain jMooriE would like to know if free discussion was not to be al- lowed in the Convention. (Cheers.) He had been supremely disgusted just now to observe that his friend, Harry Henry, had already made several attempts to sp^ak, and every time he had done so, Mr. Brown had stopped liis mouth with a black bottle. (Great excitement.) That was the way led Mr. con- 15 Mr. Prown attempted to stop every one's mouth. Was the Convention going to submit to that ? (Groat expressions of indignation.) Freedom of speech indeed! There was no more freedom of speech in the ('onvei)tion than there was truth, honesty, or common decency in the bloated paunch of that turn coat, Malcolm Cameron, sitting over there in the corner. (Tre- mendous cheering.) Malcolm Camehon, M P.P., thought the gallant Captain had displayed a great deal of freedom of speech. (Hear, 1 ar.) For himself he did not profess to belong to any political crceJ. (Clieers.) fjike liis friends, Mr. Hofjan and Mr. Gowan, he was an independent member; and he had shown it by boldly renouncing all his former beliefs and prolessions, and coming forward to lend a hand in saving Upper Canada. (Lvapturous applause.) He was jack-indifferent as ii what motivtis the world would attribute to him. He always did what he liked, and liked what he diil, and herein he was su- pn tnely independent, and ho gloritd in it. (Great cheering.) Oliver Mowatt, M.P.P., thought Mr. Cameron a great los^s to the legal profession. He would make a capi.al Equity Judge. (Cheers and laughter.) Mr. Folly thought Mr. Cameron would make a beti r harlequin, be- cause he threw somersaults so rapidly.— (Jtenewcd cheering.) W. L. McKenzie remarked that the ancient Jlomans were in his opinion a fine people— they made such laws as were acceptable, and theirein they differed from the Egyptians, who were a priest-ritlden people, and therefore in the same slate as the Lower Ctindians at present were. — (Hear.) It was a hard thing to discover a new and perfect system of government. — (Hear.) It took some time to discover America, and longer still to find out the source of the Nile. — (Applause.) But a remedy could be found. — (Cheers.) The Philosopher's stone, he believed, could be found if all the people in the world were only to turnout and look for it. — (Cheers.) And at all events a worse sys em of Government than the present, could not be found if it were sought fir from Cape Horn to the North Pole. — (Renewed applause.) Lit us then get lid of it, continued the venerable gentleman, by treating it as some- body just now proposed, to do with Captain Moodie : let us throw it out of the window. — (Great cheering.) .Ids. GoiTLD, M.P.P., did not profess to understand the arguments on either side, but he must say that John A. McDonald was a very bad man, and the Lower Canadian members supported him : therefore there must be a disso- lution between tipper and Lower Canada. Capt. Moodie never hid an exalted opinion ould Goold's talents, but he must confess that he now looked upon tlie honourable member us an antiqua- ted specimen of a horse murine — -devoid of common sense and all sensibility. (Cheers.^ Mr. Gould was obliged to his friend the Capt. for the frank manner in which he had stated his opinion of him. He [Mr. Gould], could return the compliment, and say that he always thought Capt. Moodie the most obdurate, pudding-headed, pig-tailed, hedge-hog he ever kn>:iw.— (Hear, hear, and cheers.) The Chairman thought the debate wa^ becoming unparliamentary, and that therefore it should be stopped. Capt. MooDiB would'nt stop for any man. — (Cheers and Excitement. 16 Squire Little took that as an insult. Moodie was an unhung heathen, and if he didn't shut up at once he [Squire LittleJ would cleave him down to the brisket. — (Tremiindous cheering.) Saying this the doughty Squire made an onslaught on the gallant Captain, and came vi ry near cutting the Chairman's head off, owing to the wild man- ner in v\hich he flourished his family sword. Jack Jolly again came to the lescue, and once more carried oif the valliant Squire foaming with choler. The following resolutions were then put to the meeting and carried unanl* mously: ,,, 1. Resolved.— That Upper Canada is in a terrible state. 2. Resolved. — That this unfortunate state of things is solely owing to tbe fact that there is such a place as Lower Canada. 3. Resolved — That as, however desirous it might be, it is impossible to blot out Lower Canada from existence, an immediate dissolution of tb« Union be at once demanded. 4. Resolved — That Responsible Government is a failure. 6. Resolved — That the Convention draft a committee to invent a new system of Government. 6. Resolved, — That an elective Governor be a new plank in the new Govemnnerit. 7. Resolved, — That George Brown, Esq., be the first Governor, and the office to be made hereditary in hi.$ family for ever after. 8. Resolved, — That no one but a liberal be admitted into any office of trust in the Province. 9. Resolved, — That the present Judges be displaced, and Harry Henry be appointed a committee, to select new ones, 10. Resolved, — That Harry may be Chief Justice of the Common Pleas if he likes. 11. Resolved, — That the present Ministers of the Crown be declared felons without benefit of clergy. 12. Rexolved, — That every delegate receive $6 a day as long as he i s a delegate. 13. Resoh'd, — That the members of the Convention be declared delegates for life. The Convention then adjourned. By the latest account the Little Squire and his four friends were near home — all of them buoyant in spirits from the gratifying reflection that they had contributed their share towards saving their country. FINIS. mf '•i. ing heathen, him dowo to lant Captain, be wild man- came to the ith c holer, arried unani* I )wing to tfce mpossible to ition of tb« i^ent a new in the new pernor, and r. ' any office md Harry ! Common e declared long as he declared the Little uoyant in ited tbeir DATE DUE ; DATE DE REiOUR /* ■■ Y > " - i 1 1 ' j ! 1 1 ; owiM \i