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All other original copies are filmed beginning on the first page with a printed or illustrated impres- sion, and ending on the last page with a printed or illustrated impression. Les exemplaires originaux dont la couverture en papier est imprimde sont film^s en commenpant par le premier plat et en terminant soit par la dernidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'illustration, soit par le second plat, selon le cas. Tous les autres exemplaires originaux sont filmds en commenpant par la premidre page qui comporte une empreinte d'impression ou d'ill' 1 u »-i-'. ■■' j I A] f li MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S MARRIED TO J08IAK AULEN. If anybody had told me when I was first bom that I would marry to a widower, I ahould have been mad at 'em. I lived up to this idee quite a number of years^how many, is nobody s business, that I will contend for. I laughed at the idee of love in my blindness of eye. But the first time I sot my grey eye onto Jo8iah Allen I knew my fate. My heart was a pray to feelin's it had heretofore been a stranger to. Sez I to myself "Is this loveT" I couldn't answer, I was too agitated. Josiah told me afterwards that he felt jest exactly the same, only, when his heart wild* ly put the question to him, *' Is it love you fsel for Samantha Smith ?" be haviu' experi- ence in the same, answered, " Yes it is love." I married Josiah Al]en({n mother's parlour, on the fourteenth day of June, in a bran new silk dress with a long boddis waist) from pure love. Though why I loved him, I know not. I looked at his mild face beamiu' on me from above his black silk stock, which kep' his his head kinder stiff, and asked myself this question, "Why do you love him ?" I reck- olected then, and I have recalled it to his mind seveal times sense in our little differ- ence:^ of opinion, which occur in the happiest families — that I had had offers from men, handsomer than him, with more intelect than him, with more riciies than him, with less children than him. Why didn't I love these various men T I knew not. I can onlv re- {teat in the immortal and almost deathless ines of the poet, " Love will go where it is ■tint." Yes, Josiah Allen was my fate, and whon I laid ray light silk glove in his'en (they were almost of a color, a Kind of cinnemen broun) before the alter, or that is before Eider Wesley Minkley, I did it with the purest and tenderest emotions of love. And that love has been like a Beacon in our pathway ever sense. Its pure light, though it has sputtered some, and in tryin' times such as wash in' days and cleanin' house times has burnt down pretty low, — ha« never gone out. When I married him the bald spot on his head wuzn't much bigger than a new silver dollar. Now the top othis head is as smooth and clean aa one of my stun china dinner plates, and if any hurse jocky was to try to judge of bis age by lookin' at his teeth, they would be baffled, not but what hx, has got some teeth, but they are pretty scatterin'. But ctill that Becon shines, that pure love triumi^ over lost teeth and vanished sandy hair. There haint a man on the face of th« earth that looks so good to me a^ Josiah Alien. I don't tell him this, mind yon, 14 yean of married life has taught me caution. Jonah is as good as they'l average generally, bnt no man can't stand too much flattery, men are naturally vain. As I said in the commencement of this plain and unvarnished history, I had almost a deadly objection to widowers owin' to their habit of comparin' their second wivea to their first relict, to the disadvantage .,y there, the grass looks beautiful wavin' in tl>!> sunshine, and Josiah cut from it last summtic 4 tons of hay to the acre. i AN UNMARRIED FEMAIX < AN UNMARRIED FEMALE- I nupiiose we are about as happy ai the most of folks, but as I was sayin', a few days ago to Betsy Robbet a neighbourin' female of ours — "Evety Station house in life has its various skeletons. But we ort to try to be contented with that spear of life we are called on to handle." Betsey haint married and she don't seem to be contented. She is awful opposed to wimmens rights, she thinks it is witnmens only spear to marry, but as yet she can't find any man willin' to lay holt of that spear with her. But yon can read in her daily Hfe and on her eager willin' coun- tenance that she fully realizes the sweet words of the poet, "While there is life there is hope." Betsy haint handsome. Her cheek bones are high, and she bein' not much more than skiu and bone they show plainei than they would if she was in good order. Her complexion (not that I blame her for it) haint good, and her eyes are^ Ittle and sot way back in her heart. Time has seen fit to deprive her of her hair and teeth, but her large nose he has kindly suffered her to keep, but she has got the best white ivory teeth money will buy; and two long curls fastened behind each ear, besides frizzles on the top of her head, and if she wasn't naturally bald, and if the curls was the colour of her hair they would look well She is awful sentimental, I have seen a good many that had it bad, but of all tlie sciitimentnl creeters I ever did see Betsy Bobbet is th3 sentimentalest, you couldn't squeeze a lau^h oat of her with a cheeze press. As I said she ia awful opposed to wtmmtn's havein' any right only the right to get mar- ried. She holds on to that right as tight as any single woman I ever see which makes it hard and wearin' on the single men round here. For take the men that are the most opposed to wimmin's havin' a right, and talk the most about its bein' ber dutv to cling to man like a vine to a tree, they don't want Betsy to cling to them, tiiey won't let her cling to 'em. For when they would be a goin' on about how wicked it was for wirnmin to vote — and it was her only spear to marrv, says I to 'em " Which had you rutlier do, let Betsy Bobbet cling to you or let her vote ?" and they would every one of 'em quail before that question. They would drof» their hoa-is before my keen grey eyes — and move oif the subject. But Betsy don't get disconrajed. Every time I see her she says in a hopeful wishful tone, "That the deepest men of minds in the country 'agree with her in thinkin' that it is wimmins duty to marry, and not to vote." And then she talks a siieht about ths ittirin' modesty and dignity of the fair sect, and how shameful and revoltin' it would be to see wimmen throwin' 'em away, and boldly and nnblushin'ly talkin' about law and justice. Whjr to hear Betsy Bobbet talk about wimmins throwin' their modesty away you would think if they ever went to the politi- cal pole, they would have to take their dignity and modesty and throw 'em against the pole, and go without any all the reMt of thetr lives. Now I don't beli<^ye in no such stuff aa that, I think a woman can be bold and un* womanly in other things besides goin' with a thick veil over her face, and a braM mounted parasol, once a year, and gently and quietly dropping a vote for a christian president, or * religious and noble-iuinded pathmaster. She thinks she talks dreadful polite and proper, she says " I was cameing" instead of " I was coming," and "I have saw" instead of " I have seen," and "papah" for paper, and '• deah" for dear. I 'fon't know much about grammar, but coi. non sense goes a Sood ways. She writes the poetry for the onesville Augur, or "Augah," as she calls it. She used to write for the opposition pa- per, the Jonesville Oiml't, but the editor of the Augnr, a long haired chap, who moved into Jonesville a few months ago, lost his wife soon after he come there, and sense that she has turned Dimocrat, and writes for his pa- Eer stiddy. They say that he is a dreadiul ig feelin' man, and I have heard — it came right straight to me — his cousin's wife's sis- ter told it to the mother-in-law of one of my neighbours' brother's wife, that he didn t like Betsy's poetry at all, and all he printed it for was ta plague the editor of the Oimlet, because she used to writt; for him. ' I myself wonldn't give a cent a bushel for all the poetry she can write. And it seems to me, that if I was Betsy, 1 wouldn't try to write ■/ much, howsuraever, I don't know what iim I should take if I was Betsy Bobbett that is a solemn subject and one I don't love to think on. I never shall forget the first piece of her poetry I ever see. Josiah Allen and I had both on us been married goin' on a year, and I had occasion to go to his trunk one day where he kept a lot of old papers, and the first thing I laid my hand on was these verses. Josiah went with her a few times after his wife died, a 4t.h of July or so and two or three camp meetin's, and the poetry seemed to be wrote about the time we was married. It was dir^^cted over the top of i% " Owed to Josiah," just as if she were in debt to him. This was the way it read i MY OPINIONS 4ND BETSY BOBBET'S. "OWED TO JOSIAH. jMiah I the tale have hurn. With rigid ear, and ntrcaming eye, I Bftw from mo that you did turn, I never knew the reason vrhj. Oh Joaiah, j It seemed as if I must expiah. j Why did you. Oh, why did you blow I Upon my life of snowy oleet, ' The flah of love to flerccst glow, i Then turn a damjphar ou the hoati ' Oh JosiiUi, I It seemed as if I must expiah. lUw thee coming down tho street, fiAebyyour side in bonnet bloo ; The nuns that grated 'ncath thy feet Seemed crunclilng on my vitals too. ; Oh Josiah, It seemed as if I must expiah. I MW thee washing sheep last night, On the bridge I stood with marble brow. The waters ratred, thou clasped it tight, I sighed, Bhouid both be drcwnded now—* I thought Josiah, Oh happy sheep to thus expiah." I showed the poetry to Josiah that night after he came home, and told him I had read it. He looked Awful ashamed to think I had seen it, and Mjs he with a dreadful sheepish look. *' The persecution I underwent from that female can never be told, she fairly hunted me down, I hadn't no rest for the soles of my feitt. T thought one spell she would marry me h spite of all I could do, without givin' me tht benefit of law or eospeL" He see I looked stern, and he ad j kr.cw you have got holt of the wrong iuiividuaJL" Now, sajs I, "go to bed," and 1 aft%ed in still more freezing accents, " for I want to mend your pantaloons " He gathered up his shoes and itookin's and started off to bed, and we haint never passed a word on the subject ■ence. I brieve when you disagree with your pardner, in freein' your mind in the first on't, and then not be a twittin' about it afterwards. And as for bein' jealous, I should jest as soon think of bein' jealoud of • meetin'-house as I should of Josiah. He is ft wdil principled man. And I gneM he { was'nt fur out o' tho way about Betsy Bobbet, though I would'nt encourage him by lettiu' him say a word ou the subject, for I always make it a rule to stand up for my own sect; but when I hear her go on about the editor of the Augur, I can believe any- thiug about Betsy Bobbet. She came m here one day last week, it was about ten o'clock in the moruin'. I had got my house slick as a pin, and my dinner under way, (I was goin' to have a biled dinner, and a cherry puddin' biled, with sweet sass to eat on it) and I sot down to iinish sewin' up l^e breadth of my new ras carpet. I thought I would get it done while I had'nt so much to do, for it bein' the first of March, I knew sugarin' would be comin' on, and then cleanin' house time, and I wanted it to j^ut down jest as soon as the stove was earned out in the summer kitchen. The fire was sparklin' away, and the painted floor a shinin' and the dinner a bilin', and I sot there sewin' jest as calm as a clocks not dreamin' of no trouble, when in came Betsy Bobbet. I met her with outward calm, and asked her to set down and lay off her things. She sot down, but she said she could'nt lay off her things. Says she, "I was comin' down past, and I thought I would call and let you see the last numbah of the Augah, there IS a piece in it concemin' the tariff that stirs men s souls, I like it evah eo much. " She handed me the paper, folded so I could'nt seenothin' but a piece of poetry by Betsy Bobbett. I see what she wanted of me and so I dropped my breadths of carpetin' and took hold of it and began to read it. " Read it audible if you please," says she* " Especially the precious remabks ovah it, it is such a feast for me to be sitting, and h'srh it reheahsed by a musical vorcc. Says I, " I spope I aan rehearse it if it will do you any good, " so I began as f oilers : " It is seldom that we present to the read- ers of the Augur (the best paper for the fire- side in Jon^avilleor the world) with a poem like the following. It may be by the assist- ance of the Augur (only twelve shillings a year in advance, wood and potatoes taken in exchange) the name of Betsy Bobbet will yet be carved on the lofty pinnacle of fame's towering pillow- We think however that she coma study such writers as Sylvanus Cobb, and Tapper with profit both to herself and to them. " Editor of th« Auoue." Here Betsy interrupted me, "The deah editah of the Augah had no need to advise me to read Tuppah, for he is indeed my mobfc favorite authar, you have devorhed him havn't you Josiah Allen's wife t AN UNMAflRIED FEMALE. rill " Devoured who ?" aays I, in » tone pretty near m cold as a cold icicle. "Mahten, Fahqueah, Tuppah, that iweet •uthar," says she. " No mom," says I shortly, " I hain't de- ▼oured Martin Farquhar Tupper, nor no other man, I hain't a cannibal." "Oh! you understand me not, I meant, devorhed his sweet, tender lines." " I hain't devoured his tenderlines, nor nothin' relatin' to him," and I made a motion to lay the paper down, but Betsy urged me to go on, and so I read. OUSHINO OF ▲ TENDAH SOtJI„ Oh let who will, Oh let who can. Be tied onto A horrid male ma:i. Thus said I 'ere My tendah heart was touched, Thus said I 'ere My tendah feelings gushed. But oh a change Hath swept o'er me. As billows sweep The "deep blue sea." A voice, a noble form. One day I saw; An arrow flew. My heart ib nearly raw. His first pardner lies Beneath the turf. He is wandering now. In sorrows briny surf. Two twins, the little Doah cherubcreechahs, Now wipe the teahs. From off his classic feachahs. Oh sweet lot, worthy Angel arisen, To wipe the teahs. From eyes like hlsen. \ "What think you of it?" Mys she M I finished readin.' Hooked right at her most a minatewith a majestic look. In spite of her false curls, and her new white ivory teeth, she is a humbly critter. I looked at her si'-'ntly while she sot and twisted her long ^ellsr bunnet strings, and then I spoke out, "Hain't the Editor of the Augur a iridoW' er with a pair of twins ?" "Yes," says she with a happy look. Then says I, "If the man hain't a fool, hell think you are one. " "Oh !" says she, and she dropped her bun- pet strings, and clasped her long bony hands tomsther in her brown cotton gloves, "oh, we ahdeut soles of genious heve feelin's, you cold, practical natures, k&ow nuthing of, and if they did not gush out in poetry we ^ should expiah. You may as well try to tie up the gushing catarack of Niagarah with a piece of welting cord, as to tie up the feel- ings of an ahdent sole." "Ardent sole 1" says I coldly. "Which makes the most noise, Betsy Bobbet, a three inch brook or a ten footer? which is the tearer? which is the roarer? deep waters , run stillest. I have no faith in feeUns' that \ stalk round in public in moumin' weeds. I \haTe no faith in such mourners," says I. \ •'Oh Josiah's wife, cold, practical female, Wng< you know me not; we are sundered as fii apart as if you was sitting on the North pole, and I was sitting on the South pole. Uncongenial being, you know me not." "I may not know you, Betsey Bobbet, but I do know that no munny would tempt me to write such stuff as that poetry and send it to a widower, with twins." "Oh 1" says she, "what appeals to the ten- dah feeling heart of a single female woman more than to see a lonely man who ha* lost his relict ? And |>ity never seems so much like pity as when it is given to the deah little children of widowehs. And," says she, "I think moah than as likely as not, thin soar- ing soul of genious did not wed his athnity, but was united to a weak woman of clay."*^ "Mere woman of clay I" says I, fixiu my spektacles upon her in a most searchin' man- ner, "where will you find a woman, Betsy Bobbet, that hain't more or less clay ? and affinity, that is the meanest word I ever heard ; no married woman has any right to hear it. I'll excnse yon, bein' a female, but if a man had said it to me, I'd holler to Josiah. There is a time for everything, and the time to hunt affinity is before you are married ; married folks hain't no right to hunt it," says I sternly. "We kindred souls soah above such petty feelines, we soah fah above them." " I nain't much of a soarer," says I, "and I don't pretend to be, and to tell you tbe truth," says I, "I am glad I hain't." "The Editah of the Aucjah," she says, and she grasped the paper offen the stuid and folded it up, and presented it at me like a spear, "the Editah of this paper is a kin- dred soul, he appreciates me, he undahstands me, and will not our names in the pages of this very papah go down to posteretr to- gathah r*" " " Then says I, drove out of all patience with her, " I wish you was there now, both of you, I wish," says I lookin' fixedly on her, " I wish yon was both of you in posterity now." HAVING MY PICTURE TOOK. The next Saturday after I had this conyer- sation with Betsy, I went down to Jonesville to have my picture took, Tirzah Ann bein* to home so she could get dinner for the men- folks. Aa for me I don't set a great of store by pictures, but Josiah insisted and the children insisted, and I went. Tirzah Ann wanted me to have my hair curled, but there I was firm, I give in on the handkerchief pin, but on the curl business, there I was rock. Mr. Oansey the man that takes pictnrea was in another room takin' some, no 1 walk* ed round the aunty room, as they call it, ookin' at the pictures that hang up on tht 8 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. wall, and at the people that oome in to have theirs took. Some of 'em was Axed up dreadful ; it seemed to me as if they tried to look so that nobody wouldn't know whose I pictures they was, after they was took. Some ! of 'em would take off their bunneta and saze in the lool.iu'-glass at themselves and try to look smiliii', and get an expression onto their faces that they never owned. In one corner of the room was a bewrow, with a lookin'-gluss and hair-brushes onto' it, and before it stood a little man dreadful dressed up, with lona black hair streamiu' down over his noat collar, engaged in pour- ing a vial of oil onto his head, and brushing his hair with one of thn brushes. I knew him in a minute, for I had seen him come into the meetiu' house. Afterwards when I was jest stand in' before the picture of a dreadful harmless lookin' man — he looked meek enough to make excuses to his shadder for goin' before it, and I was jest savin' to myself, "There is a man who would fry pancakes without complainin'," I heard b voice behind me sayin', " So the navish villian stalki round yet in decent society. " 1 turned round imegiately and see the little man, who had got through fixin' his hair to have bis pictur took, standin' before me. "Who do you meanT" says I, calmly. " Who is staJkin' ro.iud ?" "The Editor of the Gimlet,*' sayi he, '* whose vile image detiles the walls of this temple of art, the haunt of Aglia, Thalia, and Euphrosyne." "WhoT" says I, glanoin' keenly at him over my specs, " the haunt of whor' Says he, " The daughters of Bacchus and Venus." Says I, "I dou't know anything about Miss Bachns, nor the Venus girls," and says I with spirit, ' if they are any low creeters I don't thank you for speakin' of 'em to me, nor Josiah won't neether. This room be- lonfl^s to Jeremiah Gansey, and he has got a wife, a likely woman, that belongs to the same meetin' house and the same class that I do, and he haint no bnsinnsr to have other girls hauntin' his room; there is anything wrong goin' on I shal ix Sister Gansey." Says he " Woman you mistake, I meant the Graces." " Graces 1" says I scornfully, "what do I care for their traces. Sister Gansey had graces enough When he married her," says I. " That is jest the way, a man will marry a woman jest as pretty as a new blown rose, and then when she fades herself out, till* she looks more like a dead dandyline than a livin' creeter, oookin' hii vittles, washin' hi» dishes, and takin' care of hia children} then hc'l go to havin' other girls hauutin' him, there haint no ffospel in i^" savs I. \ looked him keenly in the face all the time I spoke, for I thought he was kinder' up- holdin' Sister Ganaey's husband, and I wanted my words to apaul him, but I sup- pose he made a mistake, aad thought I was admirin' of him I looked so earnest at him, for he spoke up and says he, " I see by your stiddy clance that you have discovered who I be. Yes Madam, you se« before you the Editor of the Autjur, but don't be nervous, don't let it affect voa more than you can help, I am a mortal like your- self." I looked at him with my most majestic look, and he continued, "The masses who devoured my great work ' Logical Reveries on the Beauties of Slavery,' are naturally anxious to see me. 1 don't wonder at it, not at all." I was austerely silent and withdrawed to a ' winder and set down. But he followed me and continued on, "That tract as you are doubtless aware, was wiitten just before the war, and a weaker minded man might have been ap- palled b^ the bloodshed that followed its publication. But no I I said calmly, it was written on principle, and if it did bring ruin and bloodshed on the country, principle would in the end prevail. The war turned out different from waac I hoped, chains broke that I could have wept to see break — but still I hung on to principle. Might I ask you Madam, exactly what yot.r emotions were when you read ' Logical Reveries ' for the first time? I suppose no President's message was ever devoured as that was." "I never see nor heard of your 'Logical Reveries,'" says I coldly. "And thank fortune nobody can accuse me of ever touch- in' a President's message— unless they belie me." He rolled up his eyes toward the cielin' and sithed he\ ily, and then says he, " Is it possible that in this enlightened community there is still such ignorance amongst the masses. I have got a copy in my pocket, T never go without one. And I will read it to you and it may be pleasant for you to tell your children and grandchildren in the future, that the author of " Logical Reveries on the Beauties of Slavery " told you with his - own lips, how toe great work came to be / written. A poem was sent me intended as a / satire on the beautiful and time hallowetl/ system of slavery, it was a weak senseler mass of twaddle, but if the author coul/ have foreseen the mighty consequences th^ flowed from it, he might well have tremblsii foi senseless as it was, it roused the liouin' / OUR SURPRIZE.PAETY. /■ me, and I replied. I divided my great work into two parte, first, that alaTery waa riii(ht, becauM the constitution didn't say It was wrong, and then I viewed the subject in a Bible and moral light, but th^ last bein' of less importance, of course I didn't en- large on it, but on the first I come out strong, there I slione. I will read yon a lit- tie of the poem that was sent me, that yon may understand the witherhi' allusion I make concetiffn* it. I won't read more than ia necessary for that purpose, for you may get sleepy listenin' to it, but yon will wake up enough when I begin to read the "Logical Reveries," I gne:>8 there couldn't anybody sleep on them. The poem I apeak ot com- raenccd in the following weak illogical way : SLAVERY. So held my eyes I cotild not ;«• The righteousness of slavery. Bo blind was I, I could not see The ripe fruit natiK on wisdom's tree ; But gropinK round it roots did rauge. Murmuring ever; strange, oh strange Tkat one handful of dust should dare Enslave another God had made. From hlB own home and kindred tear. And Rcotirge, and fetter, steal and trade. If 'twos b caudo they were less wise Than oar wise race, why not arise. And with pretext of buying teas. Lay in full cargoes of Chinese, Let Fee Fo Fum, and Eng, and Chen, Grow wise by contact with wise men ; If weakness made the traffic right. Why not arise in manhood's might. And bind old grandmothers with gyres. And weakly children, and sick wires! If 'twas the d?''k hue of tT-^'r face. Then whv not free our noo'te race Forever from all homely men t With manly zeal, and outstretched hand. Pass like a whirlwind o'er the land. Let squint-eyed, pug-nosed women be Only a thing of memory. Though sonic mistakes would happen then, F".' piany bond servants there are, Fair faced, blue eyed, with silken hair. How sweet; how pleasant to be sold For notes in hand, or solid gold. To benefit a brother. Both children of one father, With each a different mother. One mother fair and richlr elothed, One worn with toil and vain despair Down sunken to a life she loathed : Both children with proud Saxon blood. In one breast nilxca with trop.'c flame, One L;^r to rank and broaci|e8tat3B And one without even a name. Jest as he arrived to this crysis in the poem Mr. Gansey came out into the aunty room, and told me he was ready to take my picture. The Editer seein' he was obleeged to stop readiu', told me he would come down to our house a visitin' in sugaiin' time, and finish readin' the poetry ti) me. I ketched holt of my prinoiplea to stiddy 'em, for I see they was tottanu' aad R.ys to him with outward calmn«wi, " If you come fetch the twins," He said he would. I then told Mr. Gaa- ■oy I was ready for the picture. I belier* there haint nothin' that will take the ex- pression ont of anybody's eyes like harin' poetry read for an hour and a half, unless it u to have your head screwer* back into a pair of tongs, and be told to look at nothin' and winK at it as much as you have a mind to. Under both of these circumstances it didn't surprise me a bit that one of my eyei was took blind. But Mr. Gansey said as he loijked admirin'lv on it, with the exeeption of that one blind eye, it was a perfect and strikin' picture. I paid him his dollar and started off home, and I hope now that Josiah and the children will be satistied. OUR SURPRIZE PARTIE& About one week after this picture ^>py sode, there was a surprise party appointea. They had been havin' 'em ^ all winter, and .he children had been crazy to have me go to *em — everybody went, old and young, but I held back. Says I : "I don't approve of 'em, and I won't go. " But finally they got their father on their side } says he : "It won't hurt you Saman* tha, to go for once." Says I : " Joaiah, the place for old folks is to home ; and I don't believe in surprize parties anyway, I think they are perfect nuisances. It stands to reason if you want to see your friendsj you can invite 'em, and if anybody is too poor to bake a cake or two, and a pan of cookies, they are too poor to go into company at all." Says I : "T haint prourl, nor never was called so, but I don't want Tom, Dick and Harry, that I never spoke to in my life, feel as if they was free to break into my house at any time they please." Says I : "it would make me feel perfectly wild, to think there was a whole drove of people- liable to msh in here at any minute, and I won't rush into other people's housen." " It would be fun, mother," says Thomas J. ; "I should love to see you and Deecon Gowdey or old Bobbet, playin' wink 'em slyly." "Let 'em wink at me if they dare to," says I, sternly: "let me catoh 'em at it. I don't believe m surprise parties," and I went . on in about as cold a tone as they make. " Have you forgot how Mrs. Gowdey had her parlour lamp smashed to bits, and a set of stun china? Have you forgot how four or five stranger men got drunk to Peedicks'es, and bed to be carried up atairs and laid out on her spare bed ? Have yon forgot how Oelestine Wilkins fell with her baby in her arms, as she was catshin' old 10 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. Gowdey, and cracked the little innocent croeters nose ? Have you forgot how Betsy Bobbet lost out he^- teeth a runnin' after the ftditor of the Augur, and he Qtepped on 'em and smashed 'em all to bits f Have yon for- got these coincidences ?" Says I: •• I don't believe in surprise partie -. " "No more do I, says Jobiah; *' but the children feel so abont uur goin', sposen we 20, for once I No livin' woman could do better for children than you have by mine, Sumantha, but I don't suppose you feel exactly as I do about pleasin 'em, it haint natteral you should." Here he knew he had got me. If ever a woman wanted to do her duty by another woman's children, it is Samantha Allen, whose maiden name was Smith. Josiah knew ]e8t how to start me; men are deep. I went to the very next party, which was to be held two miles beyond Jonesvillej they had hsui 'em so fast, they had used up all the nearer places. They had heard of this family; who had a big house, and the women had oeen to the same meetin' house with Betsy Bobbet two or three times, and she had met her in a store a year before, and had been introduced to her, so she said she felt f)erfectly free to go. And as she was the eader it was decided on. They went in two big loads, but Josiah and I went in a cutter alone. We got started ahead of the loads, and Avhen we got to the house we see it was lit up real pleasant, and a little single cutter fetood by the gate. We went up to the door ii !i<1 knocked, and a motherly lookin' woman with a bunch of catnip in her hand, came to the door. '' '"Good evenin'," says I, but she seemed to be a little deaf, and didn't answer, and 1 sec, aa we stepped in, through a door pai'tly open, a room full of women. "Good many have got here," says I, a little louder. " Yes, a very good doctor," says she. "What in the world 1" — I begun to B*y in wild amaze. "No, it is a boy." I turned right round, and laid holt of Josiah ; says I, " Start this minute, Josiah Allen, for the door." I laid holt of him, and we never spoke another word till we was in tb« sleigh, and turned round towards home ; then savs I, " Mebby you'll hear to me another time, Josiah." "I wish you wouldn't be so a^^vatiu'," Bay .she. Jest then we met the first lo&d, where Tirzah Ann and Thomas Jefferson was, and we told 'eva to " turn round, for they oaldtt't have us, they had other company." So they turned round. We had got most back to Jonesville, when we met the other load ; they had tipped over in the snow, and as we drove out most to the fence to get by 'em, Josiah told 'em the same we had the other load. Says Betsy Bobbet, risin' up out of the snow with a buffalo skin on her back, which made her look wild, " Did they say we musi not come !" " No, they didn't say jest that," says Jc siah. " But they don't want yoo." " Wall then, my dej»h boys and girls," e&ya she, pcramblin' into the sleigh. "Lot us proceed onwards, if they did not say we should not come." Her loud went on, for her brother. Shake* speare Bobbet, was the driver. How they got along I haint never enquired, and they don't seem over free to talk about it. But they kep' on havin' 'em, most every night. Betsy Bobbet as I said was the leader, and she led 'em once into a hou3« where they had the small pox, and once where they vrai makin' preparations for b. funeral. Somehow Tirzah and Thomas Jefferson seemed to be sick of 'em, and as for Josiah, though he didn't say much, I knew he feh the more. This coinsidense took place on Tuesday night and the next week a Monday I had had a awful day's work a washin', and we had been up all night the night before with Josiah, who had the new ralegy in his back. We hadn't one of us slept a wink she night before, and Thomas Jefferson and Tirzah Ann had gone to bed early. It had been a lowery day, and I couldn't hang out my calico clothes, and so many of 'em was hung round the kitchen on lines and clothes bars, and nails, that Josiah and I looked aa if we was a settin' in a wet calico tent. And what made it look still more melancholy and sad, I found when I went to light the lamp, that the kerosene was all gone, and bein out of candles, I made for the first time what they call a "slut," which is a button tied up in a rag, and put in a aaucer of lard ; you set fire to the rag, and it makeu a light that is better than no light at all, jest as a slut is better than no woman at all ; I suppose in that way it derived its name. But it haint % dazzlin' light, uothin' like so gay and festive AS gas. I, beat out with work and watchin', thought I would soak my feet before I went to bed, and so I put some water into the pail, and sot by the stove with my feet in it. The thought had come to me after I got iny night-cap on. Josiah sot behiivi the stove, mbbia some linament onto bin back ; he haid jest spoke to me, and says he, " I beliere this linament maJces my back OUR SURPRIZE PARTIES. U itchin', ~ ytcnt to the >t in it. I got I*! the back; feel casiei; Samantha, I hope I will get a lit< tie real; to-night." "Says I, " I hope ao too, Josiah." And jest as I said the words, without any warn- ing the door opened, and in come what seem- ed to me at the time to be a hundred and 50 men, wimmen, and children, headed by Betsy Bobbet. Josiah, so wild with horror and amazement that he forgot for the time bein' his lameness leaped from his chair, and tore so wildly at his shirt that ho tore two pieces right out of the red flannel, and they shone on each shoulder of his white shirt like red stars ; be then backed up against the wall between the back door and the wood box. I rose up and stood in the mop pail, too wild with amaze to get out of it, for the same reason heedin' not my night-cap. "We have come to suprize you," says Betsy Bobbet, sweetly. I looked at 'em in speechless horror, and my tongue clove to the roof of my mouth ; no word did I speak, but I glared at 'em with looks which I suppose filled 'em with awe and dread, for Betsy Bobbet spoke again in plaintive accents, " Will you not let us suprize you ?" Then I found my voice, and " No ! no !" says I wildly. •' I won't be su prized 1 jroa sha'n't suprize us to-night I We won't be surprized 1 Speak Josiah," says I, appealia' to him in my extremity. " Speak ! tell her! ,4.*>» will we be surprized to-night? " No I no 1" says he in hrm, decided, war- like tones, as he stood backed up against the wall, holdin' his clothes on — with his red flannel epaulettes on hit* shoulders like a ofiBicer, " no, we won't be suprized !" "You see, deah friends," says she to the crowd, " she will not let us surprize her, we will go." But ahe turned at the door, and ■ays she in reproachful accents, "May be it is right and propah to serve a old friend and neighbah in this way — I have known you a long time, Josiah Allen's wife." " I have known you plenty long enough," ■ays I, steppin' out of the pail, and shettin' the door pretty hard after 'em. Josiah came from behind the stove pushin' m chair in front of him, and says he, " Darn suprize parties, and darn — " "Don't swear, Josiah^ I "hould think yon was bad enough off without swearin'." " I will darn Betsy Bobbet, Samantha. Oh my back i" he groa' ed, setthi' down slowly. "I caa't set down nor stand up." "You jumped up lively enough, when tiiey come in,'' says I. "Throw th8+. in my face, will you T What could I du ? And there is a pin stickin' in- to my shoulder, do get it out, Samantha, it baa been there all the time, only I haint sensed it till now." "Wall," says I in a kinder soothin tone, drawin' it out of his shoulder, where it must have hurt an^fully, only he hadn't felt it in his greater troubles — "Less be thankful that we are as well off as we be. Betsy Uiight have insisted on stopin*. I will rub your sbnuUlers with the Imament, and I guess you will feel better; do you suppose they will be mad!" "I don't know, nor I don't care, but I hope so," says he. And truly his wish come to pass, for Betsy was real mad; the rest didn't seem to mind it. 'But she was real short to me for three days. Which shows it makes a differ- ence with her who does the same thing, for they went that night right from here to the Editor of the Augur's. And it come straight to me from Celestine Wilkins, who was there, that he turned 'em out doors, and shet the door in their faces. The way it was, his hired girl had left him that very day, and one of the twins was took sick with wind colic. He had jest got the sick baby to sleep, and laid it in the cradle, and had gin the little well one some play- things, and set her down on the carpet, and he was washin' the supper dishes, with his shirt sleeve" rolled up, and a pink bib-apron on that belonged to his wife. They said he had jes^ finished, and was wrinjp;in' out his dishcloth, when he heard a awful ssreamin' from the well twin, and he rushed out with his dishcloth hangin' over his arm, and found that she had swallowed a side-thimble ; he ketched her up, and spatted hei back, and the thimbe flew out hfit way across the floor. She screamed, and held her breath, and the sick one waked up, and sot up in the - cradle and screamed fearfully, and jest then the door bust op".n, and in come the suprize party headed by Betsy Bobbet. They said that he, half crazy as he was, told Betsy that "if she didn't head 'em off that minute, h» rould prosecute the whole of 'em.** Some of 'em was mad about it, he acted so threat'nin', . but Betsy wasn't, for in the next week's.. Augur these verses same out : IT 13 SWEET TO FORGIVE. It is sweet to be— it is sweet to live. But sweetf.h the sweet word "forgive;" If harsh, loud words should spoken be. Say "Soul, do calm they come from he— When he was wild with toil and grief. When colic could not find relief; ' Such woe and cares should have sufficed, Then, he should not have been surprised. When twios are well, and the world IboKr brisrht, , ^ ^ To be surprized is sweet and rlRht, But when twins are sick, and the world loohi ■ad. rno be surprised is hard and bad. A! nd when side thimbles swallowed be^ 12 MY OPINIONS AND BJITSY BOBBET'S. How can the world look sweot to he - Who owns I he twin— faih babe, heaven bleu It, Who hath no own motheh to caress it. Its own motheh hath sweetly gone above. Oh how much it needs a motheh's love. My own hear*^ runs o'er with tenderness. But its dcah father tries to do his beet. But housework, men can't perfectly understand. Oh 1 how he needs a helping hand. Ah ! when twins are sick and hired girlii have flown. It is sad for a deah man to be alone. A DAY OF TROUBLE. Sugerin' time come pretty late this year, and I told Josiah, that I didn't believe I should have a better time through the whole year, to visit his folks, and mother Smith, than I should now before we besun to make sugar, for I knew no sooner had I got that out of the way, thtin it would be time to clean house, and make soap. And then when the dairy work come on, I knew I never should get off. So I went. But never shall I forget the day I got back. I had been gone a week, and the children bein' both off to school, Josilh got along alone. I have always said, and I say still, that I had jest as lives have a roarin' liou do my housework, as a man. Every thing that could be bottom side up in the house, was. I had a fortnights washin' to do, the house to clean up, churuin' to do, and bakin'; for Josiah had eat up every thin i^ slick and clean, the buttery shelves looked like the dessert Oi Sarah. Then I had a batch of maple sugar to do off, for the trees begun to run after I went away and Josiah had syruped off — and some preserves to make, for his folks had gin mo some pound sweets, and they was a spilein*. So it seemed as if erery* thing come that dav, besides my common housework — and well doth the poet say — " That a woman never gets her work done up, " for she don't. Now when a man ploughs a field, or runs up a line of figgers, or writes a serming, or kilts a beef critter, there it is done — no more to be done over. But sposen a woman washes mp her dishes clean as a fiddle, no sooner does she wash 'em up once, than she has to, right over and ever agin, three times three hundred, and 65 times every year. And the same with the rest of her work, blackin' stoves, and iillin' lamps, and M-ushin' and moppin' floors, and the same with cookiu'. Why jest the idee of paradin* out the table and teakettle 3 times 3 hundred and 66 times every your is enough to make a wo- man sweat. And then to think of all the cookin' utensils and ingredients — why if it wuKznM for principle, no woman could stand the idee, let alone the labour, for it haint so much the mussle she has to lay out, as the strain on her mind. Now, last Monday, no sooner did I get my hands into the suds holt of one '4 Josiah's dirty shirts, than the sugar would mount up in the keitle and sozzle over ou the top of the furnace in the summer kitchen — or else the preserves would swell up and drizzle over the side of the pan on the stove —or else the puddin' I was a bakin' for dinner would show signs of scorchin', and jest as T was in the heat of the warfare, as you may say, who should drive up but the editor of the Augur. He was a goin' on further, to engage a hired girl he had hearn of, and on his way back, he was goin' to stop and read that poetry, and eat some maple sugar; and he wanted to leave the twins till he come back. Says he, " They won't be any trouble to you, will they ?" I thought of the martyrs, and with a appearance of outward composure, I answered him in a sort of blind way; but I won't deny that I had to keep a sayin', John Rogers I John Rogers' over to myself all the time I was ondoin' of 'em, or I should have said somethin' I was sorry for after- wards. The poetry worried me the most, I won't deny. After the father drove off, the first dive the biggest twin made was at the clock, he crop' up to that, and broke off the pendulum, so it haint been since, while I was a hangin' thier cloaks in the bedroom. And while I was a puttin' thier little oversacks under the stove to dry, the littlest one dim' up and sot down in a jpail of maple syrup, and while I was a wrincin' him out, the biggest one dove under the bed, «t Josiah's tin trunk where he keeps & lot of old papers, and come a creepin' out, drawin' it after him like a hand-sled. There was a gography in it, and a Fox'es book of martyrs, and a lot of other such light readin* and I let the twins have 'em to recreate them- selves on, and it kep 'em still most a niin< ute. I hadn't muclr more'n got my eye offen that Fox'es book of Martyrs — when there appeared appeared before 'em a still more mournful sight, it was Betsy Bobbet, come to spend the day. I murmured dreamly to myseu "John Rogers " — But that didn't do, I had to say to myself with firmness — "Josiah Allen's wife, haint you ashamed of yourself, what are your sufferin's to John Roger'ses ? Think of the agony of that man — think of his nine children follerin' him, and the one at the breast, what are yrur sufferin's compared to lis'en ?" Then with a brow of calm I ad- vanced to meet her. I see she had got over bein' mad about the surprise party, for she smiled on me once or twice, and she looked at the twins, she smiiled two times oo each rlid I get of one ''f gar would le over ou er kitchen ill up and ' the stove )akin' for chin', and varfare, as ) but the ; goin' on had hearn 8 goin' to eat eome leave the trouble to i martyrs, smposure, way; but a sayin', to myself r I should for after- le most, I first dive clock, he endulum, a hangin' d while I ander the ii' up and ind while gest one tin trunk ind come like a in it, rs, an«i in' and te them- a rnin* ye offen ti there ill more et, come " John to say Allen's If, what Think bis nine at the )ared to m I ad- ot over for she looked on each A DAY OP TROUBLE. 13 of 'em, which made four and sayi she in tender tones, "You deah little motherless things." Then she tried to kiss 'em. But the biggest one gripped her by her f ilse hair, which was flax, and I should think by a o.ireless esti- mate, that he pulled out nbout enough to make half a knot of thread. The little one didn't do much harm, only I think he loosened her teeth a little, he hit her pretty near le mouth, and I thought as she arose she s. ^^ ped 'em back in thier place. But she only said, " Sweet ! sweet little things, how ardent and impulsive they arc, so like thier deah Pa." She took out her work, and says she, " I have come to spend the day. I saw tliier deah Pa bringin' the deah little twins in heah, aud I thought maybe 1 could comfort the precious little motherless things some, if I should come over heah. If there is any object upon earth, Josiah Allen's wife, that appeals to a feeliu' heart, it is the sweet little children of widowers. I cannot re- meml>er the time when 1 did not want to comfort them, and thier deah Pa'. I have a'ways felt that it was woman's highest speah, her only mission to soothe, to cling, to smile, to coo. I have always felt it, and for yeahs back it has been a growin' on me. I feel that you do not feel as I do in this matter, you do not feel that it is woman's greatest privilege, her crowning blessing, to soothe lacerations, to be a sort of poultice to the noble, manly breast when it is torn with the cares of life. " This was too much, m the agitated frame of irind I then was. "Am I a poultice Betsy Bobbet, do I look like one?— am I in the condition to be one?" I cried turning my face, red and drippin' with perspiration towards her, and then at- tacked one of Josiah "s shirt sleeves agin. 'What has my sect done" says I, as I wildly rubbed his shirt sleeves, " That they have got to be lacerator soothers, when they have cot everything else under the sun to do ? Here I stirred down the preserves that was a runnm' ov«r, and turned a pail full of syrnp into the sugar kettle. "Everybody says that men are stronger than women, and why should they be treated as if they was glass china, liable to break all to pieces if they hamt handled careful. And if they have got to be soothed," says I in *n agitated tone, caused by my emotions (and by pump- "wu P*'j' ?^ '*'**^'' ^ fill "P the •>iler). Wtjy don t they get men to sooth'em ? X hey hare as much agin time as wimmen flave ; evenms they don't have anything else to do, they might jest a« well be a soothin' eaoh other as to be hangin' round grocery ■tores, or settin' by the Ure whiMin'." I see I was frightenin' her by my delirious tone and I continued more mildly, ns I stirred down the strugglin' sugar wi'.'i one hand — removed a cake from the oven witli the other — watched my apple preserves with a eagle vision, and listened intently to the voice of the twins, who was playin' in the woodhouse. " I had jest as soon soothe lacerations as not, Betsy, if I hadn't everything else to do. I had jest as lix'es set down and smile at Josiah by the hour, but who would fry him nut cakes ? i could smoothe down his bald head affectionately, but who would do off this batch of sugar ? I could coo at him day in and day out, but who would skim milk — wash pans — get vittles — wash and iron -and patch and scour — and darn aii-1 fry — and make and mend— and bake aud bile while I was a cooin', tell me ?" says I. Betsy spoke not, but quailed, and I oon« tinned — "Women haint any stronger than men, naturally ; thier backs and thier nerves haint made of any stouter timber ; their hearts are jeat as liable to ache as men's aref; so with their heads ; and after doiu' a hard day's work when she is jest ready to drop down, a little smilin' and cooin' would do n W( m n Jt st as much good as a man. Not but what," I repeated in the firm tone of princi- ple, "Not but what I am williu' to coo, if I only had time." A pause enshued durin' which I bent over the washtub and rubbed with all my might ou Josiah's shirt sleeve. I Lad got one sleeve so I could see streaks of white in it, (Josiah is awful hard on his shirt sleeve»), and I lifted up my face and continued in still more reesonable tones, as I took cut my rice puddin' and cleaned out the bottom of the oven, (the puddin' had run over and was a scorchiu' on), and scraped the oven bottom with a knife. "Now Josiah Allen will go out into that lot," says I, glancein' out of the north win- dow, "and plough right straight along, fur- row after furrow, no sweat of mind about it at all ; his mind is in that free calm state that he could write poetry." "Speaking of poetry, reminds me," said Betsy, and I see her hand go into her pocket, I knew what was a comin', and I went on hurriedly, wavin' off what I knew must be, as long as I could. "Now, I, a workin' jest as hard as he accordin' to my strength, and havin' to look 40 ways to once, 40 differen, strains on my mind, now tell me candidly- BetHy Bobbet, which is in the best conni. tion for cooin', Josiah Allen or me ? but it haint expected of him," says I in agitated tones, " I am expected to do all the smilin' aud cooin' there is done, though you know," If 14 1£Y OPINIONS AND BETSY B0BBE1"S ■ays I tternlj, " that I haint no time for it." "lathis poem, Josiab Allen's wife, is em- bodied my views, which are widely different from yours.'' I see it was vain to straggle against fate, she had the poetry in her hand. I rescaed the twins from beneath a half a bushel of beans they had palled over onto themselves — took off my pteserves which had burnt to the pan while I was a rescuin', and calmly listened to her, while I picked up the beans with one hand, and held off the twins with the other. " There is one thing I want to ask yonr advice about, Josiah Allen's wifa. This poem is for the Jonesville Augah. You Know I need always to write for the opposi- tion papnh, the Jonesville Oimlet, but as I said tlie othah day, since the Editah of the Avijah lost his wife I feel that duty is a drawing of me that way. Now do you think that it would be any more pleasing and comforting to that deah Editah to have me sign my name Bettie Bobbet — or Betsy, as I always havo ? " And loosia' herself in thought, she murmured dreamily to the twins, who was a puUin' eaoh other's hair on the floor at her feet^- " Sweet little mothahleas things, you couldn't tell me, could you, deahs, how your deah Pa would feel about it ? " Here the twins laid holt of each other so I had to part 'em, and as I did so I said to Betsy, "If you haint a fool you will hang onto the Betsy. You can't find a woman nowa- days that answers to her true name. I ex- pect," says I in a tone of cold and almost witherin' sarcasm, " that these old ears will yet hear some young minister preach about Johnnie the Baptist, and Minnie Magdalen. Hang on to the Betsy ; as for Bobbet," says I, lookin' pityingly on her, " that will hang on for itself. " I was too well bread to interrupt her fur- ther, and I pared my potatoes, pnunded my beefsteak, and ground my coffee for dinner, \ and listened. This commenced also as if she ; had been bavin' a account with Love, and had come out in his debt. OWED TO LOVE. Ah, when mv deah future companionls heart with grief Is rife. With his Dosora's smart, with the cares of life, Ah. what higher, sweeter, bliss, could be, Than to be a soothing poultice unto hel Ai have any companions lost— if ther 1 earth have risen. Ah, 1 could weep tears of joy— for the deii.h bliss of wiping awajr h sen ; Or, if he (should happen to) have any twinx, or or othah blessed little ties. Ah, hew williHgly on the attah of duty, B. Bob- bett. hexiseU vjuld sacriflce. I would (all the rest of) life to the cold wlndf fling. And live for love— and live to cling. Fame, victuals, away I away ! oui food shall be. His smile on mo— my sweet smile on ho. There was pretty near twenty verses of 'em, and as she finished she said to me — "What think you of my poem, Josiah Allen's wife?" " Says I," fixin' my sharp grey eyes upon her keenly, " I have had more experience with men than you have, Betsy ; " I see a dark shadow settlin' on her 'jye-brow, and I hastened to apologise — " you haint to blame for it, Betsy — we all know you haint to blame." She grew calm, and I proceeded, " How long do you suppose you could board a pan on clear smiles, Betsy — you jest try it for a few meals and you'd find out. I have lived with Josiah Allen 14 years, and I ought to know somethin' of the natur of man, which is about alike in all of 'em, and I say, and I contend for it, that you might jest as well try to cling to a bear as to a hungry man. After dinner, sentiment would have a chance, and you might smile on him. Bat then," says I thoughtfully, "there is the dishes to wash." Je<*t ab that miuute the editor of the Augur stopped at the gate, and Betsy, catchin' up a twin ou each arm, stood up to the winder, smilin'. He jumped out, and took a great roll of poetry out from uuder the buggy seat — I sithed as I see it. But fate was better to me than I deserved. For Josiah was jest leadin' the horse into the horse barn, when the Editor happened to look up and see Betsy. Josiah says he swore — says he "the d 1 " I won't say v/hat it was, for I belong to the meetin' house, but it wasn't the Deity though it begun with a D. He jumped into the buggy agin, and says Josiah, " You had better stay to dinner, my wife is gettin' a awful good one — and the sugar is most done." Josiah says he groaned, but he only said " Fetch out the twins." Says Josiah, " You had better stay to dinner — you haint got no women folks to your house — and I know what it is to live on pancakes," and wantin' to have a little fun with him, says he, "Betsy Bobbet is here." Josiah says he swore agin, and agin sayi he, " fetch out the twins, " And he looked so kind o' wild ano fearful towards the door, that Josiah started off on the run. Betsy was determined to rarry one of the twins out, but jest at the door he tore every mite of hair offeo. her head, and she, bein' THE MINISTER'S BEDQUILT. 16 Joaiah. which of the Betsy, >d up to 'the or I isn't He says bald naturally, dropped bim. And Josiah carried 'em out, one on each arm, and he drove off with 'em fast. Betsy wouldn't stay to dinner all I could do and say, she acted mad. But one sweet thought filled me with such joyful emotion that I smiled as I thought of it— I shouldn't have to listen to any more poetry that day. the THE MINISTER'S BEDQUILT> The Baptists in our neighbourhood have been piecen' up a bedquilt for their minister. He has preached considerable, and held a Sunday school to our school-house, and I wasn't goin' to have any bedquilts done for him without havin' my hand in it to help it along. I despise the idee of folks bein so sot on their own meetin' housen. Their is enough worldly things for neighbours to fight about, sech as hens, and the school-marm, without takin' what little religion they have got and go jpeltin' each other with it. Sposen Baptists do love water better'n they do dry land ? What of it? If my Bap- tist bretheru feel any better to baptise their- aelves in the Atlantic ocian, it haint none of ray business. Somehow Josiah seems to be more sot on his own meetin' house than I do. Thomas Jefferson said when we was a arguin' about it the mornin' of the quiltin', says he, "The more water the better," says he, "it would do some of the brethren good to put 'em asoak and let 'em lay over night. " I shet him up pretty quick, for I will not countenance such light talk — but Josiah laughed, he encouraged that boy in it, all I can do and say. I always make a pint of goin' to quiltins anyway, whether I go on Methodist principle (as in this case) or not, for you can't l)e back- bited to your face, that is a moral certainty. I know women just like a book, for I have been one quite a spell. I always stand ,ip for my own sect, still I know sartin' eff'^^cts foller sartin causes. Such as two bricks bein' sot up side by side, if one tumbles over on to the other, the other can't stand up, it haint natur. If a toper holds a glass of liquor to his mouth he can't help awallowin' it, it haint nater. If a young man goes out •lay-ridin' with a pretty girl, and the buffalo robe sHds off, he can't help holdin' it round her; it baint natur. And quiltin' jest sets women to slanderiu' as easy and beautiful as anything you ever see. I was the first one there, for reasons I have named; I always go early. I hadn't been there loner before Mrs. Deacon Cobbins came, and then the Widder Tubbs, and then Squire fidwards'es wife aad Mapgie Snow, and then the Dagget girls. (We call 'em girls, though it would be jest as t^roper to call mutton laUib. ) Miss Wilkins' baby had the mumps, and the Peedicks and Gowdey's had unexpected company. But with Miss Jones where the quiltin' was held, and her girls Mary Ann ind Alzina, we made as many as could get round .he qtiilt handy. The quilt was made of different kinds of calico ; all the women round had pieced up a block or two, and we took up a collection to get the battin' and linin' and the cloth to set it together with, which was turkey red, and come to quilt it, it looked weU. We quilted it herrin' bone, with a runniu' vine round the border. After the pathmaster was demorilized, the school-teacher tore to pieces, the party to Peedicks scandalized, Sophronia Gowdey's character broke doun — and her mother's new bunnet pronounced a perfect fright, and twenty years too young for her — and Miss Wilkins' baby voted a unquestionable idiot, and the rest of the unrepresented neighbour- hood dealt with, Lucinda Dagcet spoke up and says she — "I hope the minister will like the bedquilt. ' (Lucinda is the one that studies mathe- matics to harden her mind, and has the Roman nose.) "It haint no ways likely he will/' saya her sister Ophelia ; (she is the one that frizzles her hair on top and wears spectacles. ) "It haint no ways likely he will— for he is a cold man, a stun statute." Now you see I set my eyes by that minis- ter, if he is of another persuasion. He is always doin' good to somebody, besides preachin' more like a angel than a human bein'. I can't never forget—and I don't want to — how he took holt of my hand, and hoH' his voice trembled and the tears stood in his eyes, when he thought our Tirzah Ann was a dyin' — she was in his Sunday School class. There is some lines in your life you can't rub out, if you try to ever so hard, and I wasn't goin' to act still and hear him run down. It riled up the old Smith blood, and when that is riled, Josiah says he always feels that it is best to take his hat and leave, till it settles. I spoke right up and says I — " Lucky for him he was made of stun before he was married, for common flesh and blood would have gin' out a hundred timei, chaste round by the girls as he was." You see it was the town talk, how Ophelia Dagget acted before he was married, and she almost went into a decline, and took heaos of motherwort and fetty. "I don't know what you mean. Miss Allen," says she, tamin' r^ as a red brick, " I never heard of his bein' chaste, I knew I nevci- could bear the sight of him." "P 10 MY OPINIONS AND BfilSY BOBBET'S "The distant sight," says Alzina Jones. Ophelia looked so mad at that, that I don't know but she would have pricked her with her qniltin' needle, if old Miss Dobbins hadn't spoke up. She is a fat old lady, with adoublechin, "mild ana lovely as Mount Ver- non's sitter." She always agrees with every- body. Thomas Jefferson calls her " Woolen Apron" for he says he heard her one day say to Miss Gowdey — "I don't like woolen aprons, do you Miss Gowdey ?" «' Whv yes. Miss Dobbia, I do." "Well so do I," says she. But good old soul, if we was all such peace makers aa she 8, we should be pretty sure of Heaven. Though Thomas Jefferson says, "if Satan should ask her to gc to his house, she would go, rather than hurt his feelin's." That boy worrys me, I don't know what he is comin' to. As I said, she looked up mildly over her spectacles, and nodded her purple cap ribbons two or three times, and said "yes," "jest so," to both of us. And then to change the sub- ject says she : " Has the minister's wife got home yet ?" "I think not," says Maggie Snow. "I was to the village yesterday, and she hadn't come then." " I suppose her inother is well off," says the Widder Tubbs, "and as long as she stays there, she saves the minister hve dollars a week, I should think she would stay all sum- mer." The widder is about as equinomical a woman as belongs to his meetin' house. " It don't look well for her to be gone so long," says Lucinda Dasiget, "I am very much afraid it will make t^k." "Mebby it will save ihe minister five dol- lars a week," says Ophelia, " as extravagent as she is in dress, as many as four silk dresses she has got, and there's Baptist folks as good as she is that hain't got but one — and one certain fBaptist person Jull as good as she is that hain't got any." (Ophelia's best dress is poplin.) "It wont take her long to run out the minister's salary." " She had her silk dresses before she was married, and her folks were wealthy," says Mrs Squire Edwards. "As much as we have done for them, and are still doing," says Lucinda, " it seems un- grateful in her to wear such a bonnet as she wore last summer, a plain white straw, with a little bit of ribbon outo it, not a flower nor a feather, it looked bo scrimped and stingy, I have thought she wore it on purpose to mortify us before the Methodists. Jest as if we couldn't afford to dress our minister's wife as well sM they did theirs." Maggie Snow's cheeks was a getting as red as tire, and her eyes began to shine, jest as they did that day she found some boys stone- in' her kitten. She and the minister's wife are the greatest friends that ever was. And I sea she couldn't hold in much longer. She was jest openin' her mouth to speak, when the door opened and in walked Betsy Bobbet. "My t it seems to me you are late, Betsy, but walk right into the spare bedroom, and take off your things." "Things! says l^tsy, in a reckless tone "who cares for things !" And she dropped into the nearest rocKing chair and commenced to rock herself violently and says she "would that I had died when I was a infant babe." "Amen I" whispered Aizina Jones, to Maggie Snow. Betsy didn't hear her, and agin she groaned out, "Would that I had been laid in yondeh church yard, before my eyes had got open to depravity and wickedness, " "Do tell us what is the ^tter Betsv " says Miss Jones. " Yes do," says Miss Deacon Dobbins. "Matter enuff," says she, "No wondeh there is earthquakes and jars. I heard the news jest as I came out of our gate, and it made me weak as a cat, I had to stop to every house on the way doun heah, to rest, and not a soul had heard of it, till I told 'em. Such a shock as it gave me, I shant get over it for a week, but it is just as I always told you, I always said the minister's wife wasn't iviiv too cood. It didn't surprise me not a bit" *^ " You can't tell me one word i^ainst Mary Morton that I'll believe," says Maggie Snow. " Yon will admit that the minister went North last Tuesday, wont you. " Seven wimmin spoke up at once and said : " Yes, his mother was took sick, and tele- graphed for him." " So he said," said Betsy Bobbet, " so he said, but I believe it is for good." "Ohdear,"shr:eked Ophelia Dagget, "I shall faint away, ketch bold of me, some- body." " Ketch hold of yourself," says I coolly, and then I says to Betsy, "I don't believe he has run away no more than I believe that I am the next President of the United States." " Well, if he is not, he will wish he had, his wife come home this morning on the cars." Four wimmens said " Did she," two said, "Do tell," and three opened their mouths and looked at her speechless. Amongst these last was Miss Deacon Dobbins. But I spoke out in a collected manner, " What of It?" Says she, "I believe the poor, deah man mistrusted it all out and run away from THE MINISTER'S BEDQUILT. 17 ister's wife vraa. Aud Dger. She wak, when By Bobbet ite, Betsy, Iroooi, and tone "who >pped into menced to e "would it babe." Jonea, to le prroaned in yondeh ot open to r Betsv " bbins. ) wondeh leard the :e, and it stop to , to rest, told 'em. t get over vaya told fe wasn't ne not a i^ainst Maggie ter went nd aaid : .nd tele- "so he ?et, "I some- coolly, lelieve ive that United le had, on the o said, nouths longst But What h maa from tronWe and disgrace brought upon ^im V>y that female, his wife." "How dare you si)eak the word disgrace in connection with Mary Morton?" says Maggie Snow. "How dare i?' says Betsy. "Ask Thomas Jefferson Allen, as it happened, I got it from his own mouth, it did not come through two or three." "Got what?" 8aj'9 I, and I continued in pretty cold tones, "If you can speak the English language, Betsy Bol)l)et, and have got sense enough to tell a straight story, tell it and be done with it," says I. " Thomas Jefferson has been to Jotiesville ever sense mornin'." "Yes," says she, '-and he was coming home, just as I started for heah, and he Dtopped by our gate, and says he. ' Betsy, I have got something to tell you. I want to tell it to somebody that can keep it, it ought to be kept,' says he ; and then he went on and told ; says, he — 'The minister's wife has get home, and she didn't come alone neither.'" '• Says I, what do you mean ? He looked as mysterioue as a white ghost, and says he, *I mean what I say.' bays he, ' I was in the men's room at the depot this morning, and I heard the minister's wife in the next room talking to somehody she called Hugh, you know her husband's name is Charles. I heard her tell this Hugh that she loved him, loved him better than the whole world ;' and then he made me promise not to tell, but he heerd not only one kiss, but fourteen or fifteen. " "Now," says Betsy, "what do you t^^uk of that female ? " "Good Heavens ! "' crfted Ophelia Dagget, " am I deceived ? is this a phantagory of the brain ? have I got ears ? have I got ears ? " says she wildly, glaring at me. "You can feel and see," says I pretty short. " Will he live with the wretched crea- ture? " continued Ophelia, " no he will get a divorcement from her, such a tender hearted man too, as he is, if ever a man wanted a comforter in a tryin' time, he is the man, and t'>-morrow I will go and comfort him. " ".Methiuks you will find him first," says Betsy Bobbett. " And after he is found, methinks there is a certain person he would be as glad to see as he would another cer- tain person." " There is some mistake," says Maggie Snow, "Thomas Jefferson is always jok- ing," and her face blushed up kinder red as she spoke about Thomas J. I don't make no matches, nor break none, but I watch things pretty keen, if I don't say much. ' 2 "It was a male man," says Lucinda Dag- get, " else why did she call him Hugh ? You have all heerd Elder Morton say that his wife hadn't a relative on earth, except a mother and a maiden aunt. It couldn't have been her mother, and it couldn't have been the maiden aunt, for her n«me was Martha instead of Hugh ; besides," she con- tinued, (she had so hardened her mind with mathematics that she could grapple the hardest fact, aud floor it, so to speak,) "be- Bide<<, the maiden aunt died six months ago, that settles the matter conclusively, it was not the maiden aunt." " I have thought something was on the *Elder's mind, for quite a spell, I have spoke to sister Gowdy about it a number of times," then she kinder rolled up her ey€s just as she does in conference mectin's, and says she, "it is an awful dispensation, but I hope he'll turn it into a means of grace, I hope his spiritual strength will ue renewed, but I have borryed a good deal of trouble about his hein' so handsome, I have noticed handsome ministers don't turn out well, they most always have somethin' hap- pen to 'em, sooner or later, but 1 hope he 11 be led." "I never thought tnat Misa Morton was any too good. " " Neither did I," said Lucinda Dagget. " She has turned out jest as I always thought she would," says Ophelia, "and I think jest as much of her, as I do of them that stand up for her." Maggie Snow spok^ up then, jest as clear as a oell her voice sotmded. She hain't afraid of anybody, for she is Lawyer Snow's only child, and has been to Boston to school. Says she * ' Aunt Allen," she is a little related to me on her mother's side. "Aunt Allen, why is it as a general rule, the worst folks are the ones to suspect other people of bein' bad." Says I, " Maggy, they draw their pictures from memory, they think, 'now if / had that opportunity to do wrong, I should certainly improve it — and bO of course Uiey did. And thay want to pull down other folks's reputations, for they feel as if their own goodness is in a totterin* condition, and if it falls, they want somethin' for it to fall on, so as to come down easier like." Maggy Snow lauj^hed, and so did Squire Edwards' wife, and the Jones'es — but Betsy Bobbet, aud the Dagget girls looked black as Erobius. And says Be^y Bobbet to me,. "I shouldn't think, Josiah Allen's w.'fe, that you would countenance such conduct." " I will first know that there is wrong conduct," says I — " Miss Mortou's face Id just as innocent aa a baby's, and I hain't a goin' to mistrust any evil cut of them pretty brown eyes, till I am obleegedto." 18 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'8. i " Well, you will have to believe it," says Ophelia Dagget — and there Bhall be some- thin' (lone about it as sure as my name is Ophelia Dagget." "Let him that is without sin amon^bt you cast the first stone," says Miss Squire Eilvrards— a better Baptist women never lived than she is. "Yes," says I in almost pierdn' tones, "which of OS is good enough to ^o into the stun business T Even suppoain' it was true, which 1 never will believe on earth, which of us could stun her on gospel grounds? — who will you find that is free from all kinet, And as for Miss Deacon Dobbins, her spektacles fell off unnoticed and she opened her mouth so wide, it was very doubtful to me if she could ever shut it again. Maggy Snow's face shone like a Cnerubim, and as for me, I can truly say I was happy enough to sing the Te Deus. A ALLEGORY ON WIMMEN*8 RIGHTS- About a couple of weeks after the quiltm', Tliomas Jefferson said to Josiah, one Satur- day moruin', "Father, can I have the old mare to go to Jonesville to-night ?" "What do you want to goto Jonesville for ?" said his father, "you come from there last night." " There is goin' to be a lecture on wim> min's rights ; can I have her, father T" "I s'pose so,'' says Josiah, kinder short, and after Thomas J. went out, Josiah went on — " Wimmin's rights, wimmin's rights, I wonder how many more fools are goin' a cap- erin' round the country preachin 'em up — I am sick of wimmin's rights,! don't believe in •em." This riled up the old Smith blood, and says I to him witlt a glance that went clear through to the back side of his head — "I know you don't, Josiah Allen — lean tell a man that is for wimmin's rights as fur as I can see 'em, There is a free, easy swing to their walk — a noble look to their faces — their big hearts and soles love iiberty and justice, and bein' free themselves they want everybody else to be free. Ihese men hain't jealous of a woman's influence — hain't afraid that she won't pay him proper respect if she hain't obleeged to — and they needn'tbe afraid for these are the very men that wimmin look up to, and worship, — and always will. A good, noble, true man is the best job that natur ever turned off her hands, or ever will — a man, that would wipe off a baby's tears as soft as a woman could, or "die with bis face to the foe." "They are most always big, noble-sized men, too," says T,with another look at Josiah that pierced him like a arrow ; (Josiah don't weigh quite one hundred by the steelyards. ) " I don't know as I am to blame, Samantha, for not bein' a very hefty man." A ALLEGORY ON WIMMEN'S RIGHTS 19 " Yoa can let your sole grow, Josiah Allen, by thinkin' big, noble- sized thoughts, and I believe if you did, you would weigh more by the steelyards." •* Wall, I don't care, Samantha, I stick to it, that I am sick of wiinmin's rights ; if wimmin would take care of the ri({bts they have got now, they would do better than they dodo." ^ow I love to see folks use reason if they have got any — and I wont stand no importations cast on to my sect — and so I says to him in a tone of cold and almost freezin' dignity— " What do you mean, Josiah T " I mean that women hain't no business a Totin' ; they had better let the laws alone, and tend to their housework. The law loves wimmin and protects 'em." " If the law loves wimmin so well, why don't he give her as much wages as men get for doin' the same work ? Why don't ne give her half as much Josiah Allen T" Josiah waved oS my question, seemin'ly not noticin' of it — and continued with doggy obstinacy of his sect — " Wimmin haint no business with the laws of the country." " If they haint no business with the law, the law haint no business with them," says I warmly. " Of the three classes that haint no business with the law — lunatics, idiots, and wimmin — the lunatics and idiots have the best time of it," says I, with a great rush of ideas into my brain that almost lifted up the border of my head-dress. "Let a idiot kill a man ; ' What of it ?' says the law ; let a luny steal a sheep ; again the law murmurs in a calm and gentle tone, ' What of it ? they haint no business with the law and the law haint no business withUiem.' But let one of the third class, let s woman steal a sheep, does the law soothe her in these comfortin' tones ? No, it thunders to her, in awtul accents, ' You haint no business with the law, but the law has a good deal of busi- ness with you, vile female, start for State's prisen ; you haint nothin at all to do with the law, only to pay all the taxes it tells you to — embrace a license bill that is ruinin' your husband — give up your innocent little chil- dren to a wicked father if it tolls you to — and a few other little things, such as bein' dragged oflF to prisen by it — chained up for life, and hung, and et cetery.' " Josiab sot motionless— and in a rapped eloquence I went on in the allegory way. " ' Methought I once heard the words,' sighs the female, " True government consists in the consent of the governed ;" 'did I dream them, or did the voice of a luny pour them into mv ear ?' " ' Haiuc I told yon/ frouns the law on f her, ' that that don't mean wimmin — hare I got to explain to your weakened female comprehension again, the ^eat fundymental truth, that wimmin hamt included and mingled in the law bookH and statutes of tlie country only in a condemin' and punishin' sense, as it were. Though I feel it to be beudin' down my powerful manly dignity to elucidate the subject further, I will consent to remind you of the consolin' fact, that though you wimmin are, from the tender suftness of your natures, and the illogical weakness of ^our minds, unfit from ever havin' any voice in makin' the laws that govern you ; you have the right, and aobody can ever deprive you of it, to be punished in a future world jest as hard as a man of the strongest intellect, and to be hung in this world jest as dead as a dead man ; and what moro can you ask for, you unreasonable female woman you T' "Then groans the woman as the great fundymental truth rushes upon her — "'I can be hun^ by the political rope, but I can't help twist it.' " ' Jest so,' says the law, 'that rope takes noble and manly fingers, and fingers of prin« ciple to twist it, and not the weak unprirci* pled grasp of lunatics, idiots, and wimmin.' " ' Alas !* sithes the woman to herself, 'would that I had the sweet rights of my wild and foolish companions, the idiots and lunys. But,' says she, venturing with a beating heart, the timid and bashful inquiry, 'are the laws always just, that I should obey them thus implicitly ! There is old Crestius, h« stole two millions, and the law cleared him triumphantly. Several men have killed various other men, and the law insistin' they were out of their heads, (had got out of 'eiu for the occasion, and got into 'em agin the minute they was cleared,) let 'em off with sound necks. And I, a poor woman, hav^e only stole a sheep, a smfll-sized sheep, too, that my offspring micht not perish with hunger — is it right to liberate in a triumphin' way the two million stealer and the man murderer, and inkarcerate the poor shee)* stealer ? and .my children was so hungry, and it was such a small sheep,' says the woman in pleadin' accents. " ' Idiots ! lunatics ! and wimmin I are they ^oin' to speak ?' thunders the law. 'Can I believe my noble right ear ? can I bein' blindfolded trust my seventeen senses ? I'll have you understand that it haint no wo- man's business whether the laws are just or unjust, all you have got to do is jest to obey so start off for pnson, my young wo- 'em, man. -w<>rk long enough to be condemned, an . iiung, and so forth.' '* ' But I have got a infant," says the wo- man, 'of tender days, how can I go T' "'That is nothing to the case,' says the law in stern tones. ' The peculiar conditions of motherhood only unlHs a female woman from ridin' to town with her husband, in a covered carriage, once a year, and layin' her vote on a pole. I'll have you understand it is no hindrance to her at all in a cold and naked cell, or in a public court room crowded with men.' " * But the indelikacy, the outrage to my womanly nature?' says the woman. " ' Not anothei word out of your head, young woman,' says the law, 'or I'll fine you for contempt. I guess the law knows what is indelikacy, and what haint; where modesty comes in, and where it don't; now start for prisor. bareheaded, for I levy on your bunnet for contempt of me. ' " As the young woman totters along to Srison, is it any wonder that she sithes to erself, but in a low tone, that the law might not hear her, and deprive her also of her shoes for her contemptas thoughts — " ' Would that I were a idiot; alas! is it not possible that I may become even now a iuny? — then I should be respected." As I finished my allegory and looked down from the side of the house, where my eyes had been fastened in the rapped eloquence of thought, I see Josiah with a contented countenance, readin' the almanac, and I said to him in a voice before which he quailed — "Josiah Allen, you haint heard -vord I've said, you know you haint. " " Yes I have," says he, shettin' up the almanac; " I heard you say wimmin ought to vote, and I say she hain't. I shall always say that she is too fraguile, too delikate, it would be too hard for her to go to the pole. " ' ' There is one pole you are willin' enough I should go to, Josiah Allen," and I stopped allegorin', and spoke with witherin' dignity •ml seU-respect — "and that is the hop pole. (Josiah has sot out a new hop yard, and hs prou^'^y brags to the neighbours that I am the fastest picker in the yard.) " You are Willia* enoii^li F should hMinlle them polcsl" He looked smit and conscience struck, but still true to the inherient principles of the sect and thier doggy obstinacy, he mur- mui ed — " If wimmin know when they are well off, they will let poles and 'lection boxes alone, it is too wearin' for the fair sect." " Josiah Allen," says I, " you think that for a woman to stand up straight on her feet, under a blazin' sun, and lift both her arms above her head, and pick seven bushels of hops, mingled with woi ms and spiders, into a gigantic box, day in, and dny out, is awful healthy, so strengthenin' and stimulatin' to wimmin, but when it comes to droppin' a little slip of clean paper into a small seven by nine box, once a year in a shady room, you are afraid it is goin' to break down a woman's constitution to once." He was speechless, and <:lung to Ayer'cs almanac mechanically (as it were) and I cou« tinued — "There is another polo you are wilhn' enough for me to handle, and that is our cistern pole. If you should spend some uf the breath you waste — in pityin' the poor wimmin that have t^^nt to vote— in byiu' n pump, you would raise 2'* cents in my esti- mation, Josiah Allen. You have let me pull on that old cistern pole thirteen years, and get a ten quart pale of water on to the eud of it, and I guess the political polo wouldn't draw much harder than that does." ■' I guess I will get one, Samantha, when I sell the old critter. I have been calculatiu' to every year, but things will &inder run along. ' " I am aware of that," says I ic » tone of dignity cold as a lump of cold ice. "lam aware of that. You may go into any neigh- bourhood you please, and if there is a family in it, where the wife has to set up leeches, make soap, cut her own kindlin' wood, build Sres in winter, set up stove-pipes, dround kittens, hang out clothes lines, cord beds, cut up pork, skin calves, and hatuhel flax with a baby lashed to her side — I haint afraid to bet you a ten cent bill, that that woman's husband thinks that wimmin are too feeble and delicate to go the pole." Josiah was speechless for pretty near half a minute, and when he did speak it was words calculated to draw my attention from contemplatm' that side of the subject. It was for reasons, J have too much respect for my husband to even hint at — odious to him, as* odious could be — he wanted me to forget it, and in the gentle and sheepish manner men can so readily assume wEen they are talkin' to females he said, as he gently nngef ed Ayer's almanac, and looked pensively at the dyin' female re^nvin' at a view of the bottle-- A ALLEGORY ON WIMMENS RIGHTS. 21 ice vtruck, but inciples of the jacy, he mur- iy are well oflf, 11 boxes alone, ran think that ht on her feet, botli her arms ven bushels of 1 spiders, into Y out, is awful stimulatin' to to droppin' a a small seven a shady room, break down a ng to Ayer'ca ire) and I con- >\i are wllhu' 1 that is our ipend some of .>in' the poor e— in byiu" n ts in my esti* ^e let me pull en years, and pn to the eud tolo wouldn't es." intha, when I calculatiu' Kinder run ic a tone of ice. "lam () any neieh- e is a family b up leeches, wood, build pes, dround cord beds, latchel flax laint afraid lat woman's e too feeble y near half eak it was ntion from ubjeot. It respect for ous to him, ae to forget ish manner they are ntly nnger- ensively at iew of the " We men think too much of you wimmiu to want you to lose your sweet, diguitied, retirin' modesty that isyourchieftest charm. How long would dignity and modesty stand firm before the wild Urena of public lifo? You arc made to be happy wives, to be guarded by the stronger sect, from the cold blast and the torrid zone. "To have a fence built around you by manly strength, to keep out the cares and troubles of life. Why, if I was one of the fair sect, I would have a husband to fence me in, if I had to hire one." He meant this last, about hirin' a husband, as a joke, for. he smiled feebly as he said it, and in other and happier times stern duty would have compelled me to laugh at it— but not now, oh, no, my breast was hc-avia' with too many different sized emotions. " You would hire one, would you ? a woman don't lose her dignity and modesty a raoin' round tryin' to get married, does she? Oh no," says I, as sarcastic ah sarcastic could be, and then I added sternly, "If it ever does come in fashion to hire husbands by the year, I know of one that could be rented cheap, if his wife had the proceeds and avails in a pecuniary sense. " He looked almost mortitied, but still he murmured as if mechanically. "It's the wimmen's place to marry and not to vote." " Josiah Allen," says I, "Anybody would think to hear you talk that a woman couldn't do but just one of the two thint^s any way — marry or vote, and had got to take her choice of the two at the pint of the bayonet. And anybody would think to hear yo ugo on, that if women could live in any other way, she wouldn't be married, and you couldn't get her to. " Says I lookingat him shrewdly, " if marryin' is such a dreadful nice thing for wimmeu I don't see what you are afraid of. You men act kinder guilty about it, and I don't wonder at it, for take a bad husband and there ain't no kind of slavery to be com- pared to wife slavery. It is jest as natural for a mean, cowardly man to want to abuse ond tyrannize over them that they can, them that are dependent on 'em, as for a noble and generous man to want to protect them that are weak and in their power. Figurin' accordin' to the closest rules of arithmetic, there are at least one-third mean dissopated, drunken men in the world, and they most all have wives, and let them tread on these wives ever so hard, if they only tread ac- cordin' to law, she can't escape. And sup- pose she tries to escape, blood-hounds haint half so bitter as public opinion on a woman that parts with her husband, chains and handcuffs haint to be compared to her pride, and her love for her children, and 89 she keeps still, and suffers agony enough to make four tirstclass martyrs. Field slaves i have a few hours for rest at night, and a hope, to kinder boy them up, oi gettin' a l>ctter master. But the wife slave has no hope of a change of masters, and let him be ever so degraded and brutal is at his mercy day and night Men seem to be awful afraid that wimmen wont be so Kerce for marryiu' anybody, for a home and a support, if they can support themselves indepeuuent, and be jest as rcMpectable in the eyes of the world. But," says I, " In them days when men and wimmen are both independent— free and equal, they will marry in the only true way— from love and not from necessity. They will marry l>ecause God will join their two hearts and hands so you can't get 'cm apart no how. But to hear you talk, Josiah Allen, anybody would think that there wouldn't another woman marry on earth, if they could get rid of it, and support themselves without it." And then I added, lixin' my keen grey eyes upon his'en. "You act guilty aoout it, Josiah Allen." "But" says I, "just solonc as the sunshines down upon the earth and the earth answers back to it, blowin' all out full of beauty — Jestsobmgasthe moon looks down lovin'ly upon old ooien makin' her heart beat faster, jest so long will the hearts and souls God made for each other, answer to each other's call. God's laws can't be repealed, Josiah Allen, they wasn't made in Washington, B.C." I hardly ever see a man quail more than he did, and to tell the truth, I guess I never had been quite BO eloquent in all the 14 year? we had lived together — I felt so eloquent that I couldn't stop myself and I went on. "When did you ever see a couple that hated each other, or didn't care for each other, but what their children was either jest as mean as pusley — or else wilted and unhappy look- in' like a potato sprout in 'a dark sutler ? What that potato sprout wants is sunshine, Josiah Allen. What them children wants is love. The fact is love is what makes a home — I don't care whether its walls are white, stone, marble or bass wood. If there haint a face to the winder a waitin' for yon, when you have been off to the store, what good does all your things do yon, though you have traded off ten pounds of but- ter ?" A lot of folks may get together in a big splendid house, and be called by the same name, and eat and sleep under the same roof till they die, and call it home, but if love don't board with 'em, give me an um- brella and a stump. But the children of these marriages that I speak of, when they see such perfect harmony of mind and heart in their father and mother, when they have been brought 'up in such a warm, bright, happy home — they can't no more help grow* 22 MY OPINIONS AND BETS\ POBBET'S. in' up ivreet, and noUe, awd happy, than your wheat can help growin' up straight and f;reen when the warm rain and the lunshine alls on it. These children, Joaiah Allen, are the lUture men and wimmens who are goin' to put their shoulder blades to the wheel and roll this world straight into mille* nium." Says Josiah, " Wimnion are too good to vote with us men, wimmea haiitt much more nor less than angels anyway." When you hare been soarin' in eloquence, it is always hard to be brought down sudden — it hurts you to light — and this speech sick- ened me, and says I, in a tone so cold that he shivered imperceptibly, " Josiah Alien, there is one angel that would be glad to have a little wooa got for her to get ainner with," "there is one an- gel that out bvery stick of wooeat:al. Ann wimmin are the most to blame in this respect. I believe in givin' the D I won't speak the gentleman's name right out, because I belong to the Methodist Meetin' house, but you know who I mean, and I be- lieve in givin' him his due, if you owe him anything, and I say men hain't ,lialf so bad s"^ wimmen about holdin' up male sinners and stompin' down female ones. Wimmen are meaner than pnsley about some things, and this is one of 'em. Now wimmen will go out and kill the fatted calf with their own hands to feast the male prodi- gal that has been livin' on husks. But let the woman that he has been boardin' with on the eamejbundle'of husks, ask meekly for a little mite of this veal critter, will she get it ? No ! She won't get so much as one of the huffs. She will ue told to keep on eatin' her husks, and after she has got throui;h with 'em to die, for after a wornan has once eat husks, she can't never eat any other vittles. And if she asks meekly, why is her stomach so different from the male husk eater, he went right off from husks to fatted calves, they'll say to her ' what is sin in a woman haint sin in a man. Men are such noble creatures that they tnill be a little wild, it is expected of 'em, but after they have sowed all their wild oats, they alwa> s settle dovm and make the very best of men. ' " ' Can't I settle down too !' cries the poor woman. ' / am sick of wild oats too, / am t)ick of husks— I wout to live a| g< od liiej la 28 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. tlio sight of God and man — can't I aettlc Uowra too !* " ' Yes you can settle down in the grave/ they say to her — ' When a woman has sinneriiiciple. Will the Lord say to me in the ast day, 'Josiah Allen's wife, how is it with the sole of Tirzah Ann — as for Thomas Jefferson's sole, he bein' a boy it haint .of no account ?' No 1 I shall have to give an account to Him for my dealin's with both of these soles, male and female. And I should feel guilty if I brought him up to think that what was impure for a woman, was pure for a man. If man has a greater desire to do wrong — which I won't dispute," says I lookin' keenly on to Josiah, "he has greater strength to resist temptation. And so," says I in mild accents, but firm as old Plymouth Rock, "if Thomas Jefferson hangs, Tirzah Ann shall hang too. " I have brought I'homas JefTerson up to think that it was jest as bad for him to listen to a bad story ur song, as for a girl, or worse, for he had more strength to run away, and that it was a disgrace for him to talk or listen to any stuff that he would be ashamed to have Tirzah Ann or me hear. I have brought him up to think that manliness didn't consist in havin' a cigar in his mouth, and his hat on one side, and swearin' and slang phrases, and a know- led,<^e of question.alile amusements, but in layin' holt of every duty that come to hihi, with a brave heart and a cheerful face; in helpin' to right the wrong, and protect the weak, and makin' the most and the best of the mind and the soul God had given hiin. In short, I have brought him up to think that purity and virtue are both masculine and feminine gender, and that God's angels are not necessarily all she ones. Tirazh Ann too has come up well, though I say it, that shouldn't, her head haint all full, ruunin' over, and frizzliu' out on top of it, with thoughts of beaux and flirtin*. I have brought hemp to think that marriage wasn't the chief end of life, but savin' her soul. Tirzah Ann's own grandmother on her mother's side, used to come visatin' us and stay weeks at a time, kinder spyin' out I spose how I done by tlie children — thank fortune, I wasn't afraid to have her spy, all she was a mind too, I wouldn't have been afraid to had Benedict Arnold, and Major Audio come as spys. I did well oy THE JONESVILLE SINGIN* QUIRE. 27 ifference, we Jut," sayi I, make a fool I; stop to ask t and a idiot : down from U9 bad lay in' Oman does," >m up there, more sightly mks, Joaiah 8, I go onto :o me in the ), how is it I for Thomaa ; haint .of no to give an 8 with both lie. And I ; him ap to r a woman, 3 a greater I't dispute," ih, "he has ition. And b firm as old 3 Jefferson srson np to for him to 2, as for a ^e strength sorace for that he Ann or me to think havin' a one side, a know- but in to hihi, face; in rotect the le best of iven him. to think masculine 's angels ts, though haint all on top of irtin*. I marriage vin' her other on satin' us lyin' out 1 — thank ■ spy, all ve been Major ^wcU by Z 'em, and she owned it, though she did think I made Tirzah Ann's night gowns a little too full round the neck, and Thomas Jefferson's rounda- bouts a little too long behind. But as I was a sayin', the old lady begun to kinder triun Tirzah Ann up to the prevailin' idee of its bein' her only aim in life to catch a hnsband, and if she would only grow up and be a real good girl she should marry. I didn't say uothic' to the old lady, for I respect old age, but took Josiah out to one side, and says I, "Josiah Allen, if Tirzah Ann is to be brought; up to think that marriage is the chief aim of her life, Thomas J. shall be brought up to think that marriage is his chief aim." Says I, "it looks just as flat in a woman as it does in a man." Josiah didn't make much of any answer to me, he is an easy man. But as that was the old lady's last visit (she was took bed rid the next week, and aint walked a step sense), I haint had no more trouble on them grounds. When Tirzah Ann gets old enough, if a good true man, a man for instance, such as I think Whitfield Minkley, our minister's old- est boy is a goin' to make, if such a man offers Tirzah Ann his love which is the great- est honour a man can do a woman, why Tirzah will, I presume, if she loves him enough, marry him. I should give my consent, and so would Josiah. But to have all her minvl sot onto that hope and expectin' till she bes^ins to look wild, I have discouraged it in her. I have told her that goodness, honour, vertue and nobility come first as aims in life. Says I, " Tirzah Ann, seek these things first, and then if a husband is added unto you, you may know it is the Lord's will, and accept him like any other dispensation of Provi- dence, and — " I continued as dreamy thouehts of Josiah floated through my mind, " make the best of him." I feel thankful to think they have both come up as well as they have. Tirzah Ann is more of a quiet turn, but Thomas J., though his morals are sound, is dreadful full of fun, I worry some about him for he haint made no professions, I never could get him forred onto the anxious seat. He told Elder Minkley last winter that " the seats were all made of the same kind of basswood, and he could be jest as anxious out by the door, as he could on one of the front seats. Says Elder Minkley, "My dear boy, I want you to find the Lord. " "I haint never lost him," says Thomas Jefferson. It shocked Elder Minkley dreadfully — but it lot uie to thinkin'. He was idways an odd child, always a^kin' the curiousest ques- tions, and I brought him up to think that the Lord was with him all the time, and see what he was doin', and mebby he was in the right of it, mebby he felt as if he hadn't never lost Him. He was niM'ays the greatest case to be out in the wooand see thier carryin's on. W^hy," saj^s he, "if fightin' entitles anybody to a pension, they ought to draw ninety-six dollars a year, every one of 'em — you go on yourself, and hear 'em rehearse if you don't believe me — " and then he began to sing, •Just before the battle, mother, I am thinkin' now of you.' "I'll be hanged if I would rehearse," says Josiah, " what makes 'em ?" "Let 'em rehearse," sayt I sternly, "I should think there was need c jough of it." It happened that very next night, Elder Merton preached to the red school house, and Josiah hitched up the old mare, and we went over. It was the first time 1 had been out sense tlin axident. Thomas J. and Tirzah Anil walked. Josiah and I sot right behind the quire, aii'l we could hear every word they saiJ, and whik Elder Merton was readin' the hvmn, "How sweet for brethren to agree,' old Gowdey whispered to Mr. Peedick in wrathful accents, " I wonder if you will put us all to open shame to-night by screechin' two or three notes above us all ? " He caught my keen grey fixed sternly upon him, and his tono ohan^en in a minute to a mild, sheepish one, and he added smilin' " as it wire, deah brother Peedick." Mr. Peedick designed not to reply to him, for he was shakin' his fist at one of the younger brethrin' in the quire, and says he, " Let me catch yon pressin' the key agin 28 MY OPI'n^IONS and BETSY BOBBET'a to-night, you young villain, if you thiuk it IB betit." " I shall press as mauy keys as I am a minter for all you. You'r always fiadin' fault with Bunthiu' or other," muttered he. Betsy Bobbet and Sophronia Gowdey was lookiu' at each other all this time with lookf) that made ouu's blood rua cold ia their vaias. Mr. Peedick commenced the tune, but un- fortunately struck into short metre. They all commenced loud and strong, but couldn't get any further than "How sweet for bretaerin." As tliey all come to a sudden halt in front of that word — Mr. Gowdey— lookin' daggers at Mr. Peedick — took out his pitch fork, as if it was a pistol, and he was goin' to shoot him wuli it, but applyin' it to nis own ear, he started off on the long- est metre that had ever been in our neigh- bourhood. And addi'i' the tune to the words, ther« was so much tune to carry, that the best calculator iu tuned couldn't do it. At that very minute when it looked dark, and gloomy indeed for the quire, an old lady, the best behaved in the quire, who had minded her own business, and chawed caraway peacefully, come out and started it to the tune of "Oh, that will be joyful." They all joined iu at the top of their voice, and though they each one put in tlats and sharps to suit their own taste, they kinder hung together till they got to the chorus, and then Mr. Gowdey looked round and frowned fiercely at Shakespeare Bobbet who seemed to be flattin' most any of 'em, and Betsy Bobbet punched Sophronia Gowdey in the side with her parasol, and told her she was " disgracin' the 'quire — and to sing slower," and then they all yelled How sweet is unitee— e How sweet is uiiitee. How sweet for bretheren to agree, How sweet is unitee. It seemed as if the very feather on my bunnet stood up straight, to hear 'em, it was so awful. Then they collected their strength, and drawin' long breaths, they yelled out the next verses like wild Indians round sufFerin' whites they were murderin'. If any one had iron ears, it would have went off well, all but tor one thin-j;— there was an old man who insisted on bein' in the quire, who was too blind to see the words, and always sung by ear, and bein' a little deaf he got the words wrnns, but he sung out loud and clear like a trombone, How sweet is onion tee— e. How sweet is onion tea. Elder Merton made a awful good prayer, •bout trials purifyin' folks and makin' 'em better, and the same heroic patient look M'as on his face, when he gave out the next him. This piece begun with a lona; duet be- tween the tenor and the alto, and Betsy Bobbet by open war and strategim had carried the day, and was to sing this pa;-t alone with the teuor. She knew the Editor of the Augur was the only tenor singer iu the quire. She was so proud and happy thinkia' she was goin' to sing alone with him, that not rightly sensin' where she was, and what she was about, she pitched her part too low, and here was where 1 had my trial with Josiah. There is no more sing to Josiah Allen than there is to a one horse waggon, and I have tried to convince liini of it, but I can't, and he will probably go down to the £;rave thmkiu* he can sing base. But thier is no sing to it, that, I will contend for with my last breath, it is nothin' more nor less than a roar. But one thing 1 will give him the praise of, he is a dreadful williu' man in the time of trouble, and if he takes it into his head that it is his duty to sing, you can't stop him no more than you can stop a clap of thunder, and when he does let his voice out, he lets it out s:.rong, I can tell you. Aa Betsy finished the first line, I heard him say to himself, " It is a shame for one woman to sing base alone, in a room full of men." And before I could stop him, he struck in with his awful energy, you couldn't hear Betsy's voice, nor the Editer's, no more than you could hear two (lies buzzin' in a car whistle. It was dreadful. And as he finished the first verse, I ketched hold of his vest, I didn't stand up, by reason of bein' lame yet from the axident — and says I, «*If you sing another verse in that way, 1 11 part with you," says I, "what do you mean Josiah Alien ?" Says he, lookin' doun on me with the per- spiration a pourin' down his face, "I am a singiu' base." Says I, "Do you set down and behave yourself, she has pitched it too low, it hain't base, Josiah." Says he, "I know better Saraantha, it %» haoe, I guess I luiow base when I hear it." But I still held him by the vest, deter- mined that he shouldn't start off again, if I could hender it, and jeat at that minute the duet begun agin, and Sophronia Gowdey took advantage of Betsy's indignation and surprise, and took the part right out of her mouth, and struok in with the Editer of the i4Mj/Mr— she is kinder after him too, and she broke out with tne curiousest variations you ever heard. The warblin's and (juavenn's and shakin's she put in was the curiousest of MISS SHAKESPEARE'S EAURINGS. 29 t the next anything I ever heard. And thankful was I that it took up Josiah'a attention so, that he sunk down ou his seat, and listened to 'em with breathless awe, and never ofifered to put in his note at all. I waited till they got through singin' and then I whispered to him, and says 1, •'Now do you keep still for the rest of this meetin' Josiah Allen." Says he, "As long as I call myself a man, I will have the privilege of singin' base." "Sing," says I in a tone almost cold enongh to make his whiskers frosty, "I'd call it singin' if I was you." It worried me all through meetin' time, and thankful was I when he dropped off into a sweet sleep jest before meetin' was out. He never heard 'em sing the last time, and I had to hunch him for the benediction. In the next week's Augur came out a lot of verses, among which were the following : they were headed SORROWS OP THE HEART. Written on bein' broken into, while singin' a duet with a deah friend. BY BETSY BOBBET. '•♦•»•• And sweetness ncveh seems so sweet, As when liis voice and mine doth meet, ] rise. 1 scab, ea.tli'a sorrows leaving, I a! most seem to be in heaveng.^ Jiiit when we are sweetly going on, Tls hard to be broke in upon; To drounded be; oh foul disgrace. In awful loarsof dreadful base. And when another female In her vain endea- vours. To fascinate a certain noble man, puts in such cjuavers. And trills and warbles with such tiicl-'sh varia- tion, It don't raise her at all in >iua ntan'a estima- tion. There was 13 verses and Josiah read them all, but I wouldn't read but 7 of 'em. I don't likepoetry. MISS SHAKESPEARE'S EARRINGS. Them verses of Betsy's kinder worked Josiah up, I know, though he didn't say much. 'That line " dreadful roars of awful base " mortihed him, I know, because he actually did think that he sung pretty enough for a orkuidstrv. I didn't say much to him aboat it. I don't believe in twittin' all the time, about anything, for it makes i.aybody feel as unpleasant as it does to aet down on a paper of carpet tacks. I only said to him — " I tried to convince yon, Joilah, that you Couldn't sing, for 14 years, and now that it has come out in poetry raebby you'll believe it. I guess you'll listen to me another time, Josiah Allen." He savs, " I wish you wouldn't be so ag- gra%'atin , Samaiitha." That was all that was said on either side. But I noticed that he didn't sing any morA V/e went to several conference meetin's thaf week, and not one roar did he give. It was an awful relief to me, for I never felt safe for a minute, not knowiu' when he would break out. The next week Saturday after the poetry come out, Tirzah took it into her head that she wanted to goto Elder Morton's a visitin'; Maggie Snow was a goin' to meet her th^re, and 1 told her to go— I'd get along with the work somehow. I had to work pretty hard, but then I got it all out of the way early, and my head combed and my dress changed, and I was jest pinnin* my linen collar over my clean ging- ham dress (broun and black plaid) to the lookin' glass, when lookin' up, who should I see but Betsy Bobbet comin' through the gate. She stopped a minute to Tirzah Ann's posy bed, and then she come along kinder gradually, and stopped and looked at my new tufted bedspread that I have got out a whit- enin' on the grass, and then she come up on the steps and come in. Somehow I was kinder glad to see her that day. I had had first rate luck with all my bakin', everything had turned out well, and I felt real reconciled to bavin' a visit from her. But I see she looket rather gloomy, and after she sot down and took out her tattin' and begun to tat, she spoke np and says she — "Josiah Allen's wife, I feel awfully de- pressed to-day." " What is the matter?" says I in * cheer- ful tone. "I feel lonely," says she, "more lonely than I have felt for yeahs. " Again says I kindly but firmly — "What is the matter, Betsy ?'^ " I had a dream last night, Josiah Allen's wife." " What was it ?" says I in a sympathizin' accent, for she did look melonchoUy and sad indeed. " I dreamed I was married, Josiah Allen's 'v;ife," says she in a heart-broken tone, and she laid her hand upon my arm in her deep emotion. " I tell you it was hard after dreamin' that, to wake up again to the cold realities and cares of this life ; it was hard," ahe repeat<;d, and a tear gently flowed down her Roman nose and dropped off onto her overskirt. She knew salt water would spot ctter colour awfully, and so she drew her handkerchief out of her pbcket, ^^ j 30 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. spread it in her lap, (it was white trimmed with narrow edsein') and continued — " Life seemed 80 hard and lonesome to me, that I sot up in the end of the bed and wept. . I tried to sleep again, hopin' I would dream / it ovah, but I could not." And again two salt tears fell in about the middle of the handkerchief. I see she need- ed consolation, and my gratitude made me feel soft to her, and so says I in a reasurin' tone — " To be sure husbands are handy on 4th of July's, and funeral prosessions, it looks kinder lonesome to see a woman streamin' alot^ alone, but they are contrary creetera, Betsy, when they are a mind to be." And then to turn the conversation and get her mind offen her trouble, says I, "How did you like my bed spread, Betsy !" " It is beautiful," says she sorrowfully. " Yes," says I, "it looks well enough now its done, but it most wore my fingers out a tuftin' it — it's a sight of work." But I saw how hard it was to draw her mind oflf from broodin' over her troubles, for she spoke in a mournf 'il tone, " How sweet it must be to weah the fin- gers out for a deah companion. I would be willing to weah mine clear down to the bone- I made a tow some yeahs aso," says she, kinder chirkiu' up a little, ana beginnin' to tat agin. "I made a vow yeahs a^o that I would make my dear future companion hap- py, for I would neveh, neveh fail to meet nmi with a sweet smile as he came home to me at twilight. I felt that that was all he would requieh to make him happy. Do you think it was a rash vow, Josiadi Allen's wife?" "Ob," says I in a sort of blind way, " I guess it won't daany hurt. But, if a man couldn't have but one of the two, a smile or a supper, as he came ho.ae at night, I believe he would take the dupper." " Oh deah," says Betsy, "such cold, prac- tical ideahs are painful to me." "Wall," says I cheerfully but firmly, "If you ever have the oportunity, you try both ways. Yon jest let your fire go out, and your house and you look like fury, and nothin' to eat, and you stand on the door smilin' like a first class idiot — and then agin you have a first rate supper on the table, stewed oysters, and warm biscuit and honey, or somethin' else first rate, and a bright fire shinin' on a clean hearth, and the tea-kettle a singin', and the tea-table all set out neat as a piim, and you goiu' round in a cheerful, sensible way gettin' the supper onto the table, and you jest watch, and see which f^f the ^wo ways is the most agreeable to him/' Betsy still looked unconvinced, and I pro> ceeded onwards. "Now I never was any hand to stand and smile at Josiah for two or three hours on a stretch, it would make me feel like a natural bom idiot; but I always have a bright fire, and a warm supper a waitin' for him when he comes home at night. " "Oh food 1 food I What is food to the deathless emotions of the soul. What doea the aching young heart care for what food it eats— let my dean future companion smile on me, and that is enough." Says I in reasonable tones, "A man can't smile on an empty stomach Betsy, not for any length of time. And no man can't eat soggy bread, with little chunks of salaratus in it, and clammy potatoes, and beefsteak burnt and raw in spots, and drink dishwatery tea, and muddy coffee, and smile — or they might give one or 2 sickly, deathly smiles, but they wouldn't keep it up, you depend upon it they wouldn't, and it haint in the natur' of a man to, and I say they hadn't ought. I have seen bread Betsy Bobbet, that was enough to break down any man's affection for a woman, unless he had firm principle to back it up — and love's young dream has been drounded in thick, muddy coffee more'n once. If there haint anything pleasant in a man's home how can he keep attached to it ? Nobody, man nor woman can't respect Vrhat haint respectable, or love what haint lovable. I believe in bein' cheer* fnl Betsy; a complainin', fretful woman in the house, is worse than a cold, drizzlin' rain comin' right down all the time onto the cook stove. Of course men have to be cor- rected, I correct Josiah frequently, but I believe in doin' it all up at one time and then have it over with, jest like a smart dash of a thunder shower that clears up the air." "Oh, how a female woman that is blest with a deah companion, can even speak of correcting him, is a mystery tome." But again I spoke, and my tone was as firm and lofty as Bunker Hill monument — "Men have to be corrected, Betsy, there wouldn't be no livin' with 'em unless yon did." " Well, " says she, " you can en- tertain such views as you will, but for me, I will be olingin' in my nature, I will be respected by men, they do so love to have wimmin clinnn', that I will, until I die, carry out this belief that is so sweet to them— until I die I will nevah let go of this speah. " I didn't say notkin', for gratitude tied up my toncue, but as I rose and went up stairs to wind me a little more yarn— I thought I wouldn't bring down the swifts for so little as I wanted to wind— I thought sadly to MISS SHAKESPEARE'S EARBINOS. 81 myself, what a hard, hard time she had had, 9enBe I had known her, a handlin' that Hpear. We got to talkin' about it the other day, how long she had been a handlin' of it. Savs Thonuui Jefferson, " She h(i8 been a brandish* in' it for fifty years." Says I, "Shet up, Thomas J., she baint been bom longer ago than that. " Says he—" She was born with that spear in her hand." But as I said she has a hard and ibonrnful time a tryin' to make a runnin' vine of herself sense I knew her. \nd Josiah sayn she was at it for years before I ever see her. She has tried to make a vine of herself to all kinds of trees, straight and crooked, sound and rotten, young and old. Her mind is sot the most now on the Editor of the Augur, but she pays attention to any and every single man that comes in her way. And it seems strange to me that thorn that preach up this doctrine of woman's only spear, don't admire one who carries it out to its full extent. It seems kinder ungrateful in 'em, to think that when Betsy is so willin' to be a vine, they will not be a tree ; but they won't, they seem sot against it. I say if men insist on makin' mnnin' vines of wimmin, they ou^'ht to provide trees for 'em to run up on, it haint nothin' more'n justice that they should, but they don't and won't. Now ten years a£;o the Methodist minister before Elder Wesley Minkley came, was a widower of some twenty odd years, and he was sorely stricken with years and rheumatiz. But Betsy showed plainly her willin'ness and desire to be a vine, if he would be a tree. But he would not be a tree -—he acted real obstinate about it, considerin' his belief. For he was awful opposed to wimmin's havin' any rights only the right to marry. He preached a beautiful sermon about woman's holy mission, and how awful it was in her to have any ambition outside of her own home. And how sweet it was to see her in her confidin' weak ness and gentle- ness clingin' to man's manly strength. There wasn't a dry eye in the house only mine. Betsy wept aloud, she was so affected by it. And it was beautiful, I don 't deny it ; I always respected dingers. But I love to see folks use reason. And I say again, how can a woman cling when she haint got nothin' to cling to ? That day I put it fair and square to onr old minister, he went home with us to supper, and he be* fm on me about wimmin's rights, for he knew believe in wimmin's havin' a right. Says he, " It is flyin' in the face of the Bible for a woman not to mairy." Says I, " Elder how can any lady make brick without straw oi sand— hmo can a woman marry without a man is forthcomin't" says I, " wimmen's will may be good, but there is some things she can not do, and this is one of 'em." Says I, " as our laws are at present no woman can marry unless she has a man to marry to. And if the man is obstinate and hangs back what is she to do!" He begun to look a little sheepish and tried to Kinder turn off the subject on to religion. * But no steamboat ever sailed onward under the power of biled water steam, more grandly than did Samantha Allen's words under the steam of bilein principles. I fixed my eyes upon him with seemin'ly an arrow in each one of 'em, and says I — " Which had you rather do Elder, let Betsy Bobbet vote, or cling to you ? She is fairly achin' to make a runnin' vine of her- self, and says I, in slow, deep, awful tones, are you willin' to be a tree ? " Again he weakly murmured somethin' on the subject of religion, but I asked him again in slower, awfuler tones, "Are you willin' to be a tree?*' He turned to Josiah, and says he, "I guess I will go out to the btrn and bring in my saddle bags." He had come to stay all night. And that man went to the bam smit and conscience struck, and haint opened his bead to me sense about wimmin's not havin' a right. I had jest arrived at this crysis in my thoughts, and had also got my yam wound up — my yam and my levery endin' up at jest the same time, when Betsy came to the foot of the stairs and called out — "Josiah Allen's wife, a gentleman is below, and craves an audience with you." I sot back ;ny swifts, and went down, ex- pectin'fromtbe reverential toneof her voice to see a United States Governor, or a Deacon at the very least. But it wasn't either of 'em, it was a peddler. He wanted to know if I could get some dinner tor him, and I thinkin' one more trial wouldn't kill me said I Wv)uld. He was a loose jinted sort of chap, with his haii sot onto one side of his head, but his eyes had a twinkle to 'em, that give the idee that he knew what he was about. After dinner he kep' a bringin' on his goods from his eart, and praisin' em up, the lies that man told was enough to apaul the ablest bodied man, but Betsy sv^llowel every word. After I had coldly rejected all his other overtures for tradin', he brought on a strip of stair carpetin', a thin striped yam carpet^ and says he — " Can't I sell yon this beautiful carpet ? it is the pnre Ingrain." " Ingrain," says I, "so be yon Ingrain as much.''^ "I gnesi I know," sayv he, "Inr I 32 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S h ! bought it of old Ingrnin hituMolf, I gave the old man 12 shillin's a yard for it, but seein' it is >on, aud I like your looks so much, and it seems so much like home to me here, I will let you have it for 75 cents, cheaper than dirt to walk on, or boards." "I don't want it," Bays I, "I have got carpets enough." " Do you waot it for 50 cents T" says he, ^ollcrin' me to the wood-box. "No I" says I pretty sharp, for I don't want to say no two times, to anybody. "Would 25 cents be any indoosoment to you ?" says he, foUerin' me to the buttery door. " No 1" says I in my most energetic voice, and started for the suUer with a plate of nutcakes. " Would 18 pence tempt you ?" says he, hoUerin' down the suller way. Then, says I, comin' up out of the suller with the old Smith blood boilin' up in my veins, " Say another word to me about your old stair carpet if you dare; jest lot me ketch you at it," says I; " be I goin' to have you traipse all over the house after me? be I goin' to be made crazy as a loon by you T" "Oh, Josiah Allen's wife," says Betsy, " do not be so hasty; of course the gentleman wishes to dispose of his goods, else why should he be in thd mercanteel business?" I didn't say notliin' — gratitude still had holt of me — but I inwardly determined that not one word would I say if h« cheated her out of her eye teeth. Addressin' his attention to Betsy, he took a pair of old-fashioned ear-rings out of his jacket pocket, and says he — " I carry these in my pocket tor fear I will be robbed of 'em I hadn't ought to carry 'em at all, a single man goin' alone round the country as I do, but 1 have got a pistol, and. let anybody tackle me for these ear-rings if they dare to," says he, lookin' savage. " Is their intrinsick worth so large ?" says Betsy. "It'haint so much thier neat ^alue," says he, "although this is enormoua, as who owned 'em informally. Whose ears do you suppose these have had hold of ?" "How can I judge," says Betsy, with a winnin' smile, "nevah haviu' seen them b«£er«." "Jiest so," says he, "you never was ac- quainted with 'em, but these very identical «:r«eters used to belong to Miss Shakespeare. YMi'ititeBe belonged to Hamlet's mother," SAyalM^'' lookin' pensively upcfc them. "Bill liumgrti^iein at old Stratford." •'wUl'IFBays Betsy, inquirin'ly. **Vm^ iays he, "old Shakespeare. I luntft' MK> Tnred with his folks so much, that I have got into the habit of callin' him Bill, Jest as they do." "Then you have been there?" says Betsy with a admirin' look. " Oh yes, wintered there and partly summered. Bot as I was sayin' William brought 'em and give 'em to his wife, when he tirst began to pay attention to her. Bill bought 'em at a auction of a one-eved man with a wooden leg, by the name of Brown. Miss Shakespeare wore 'em as long as she lived, and they was kept in the family till I bought 'em. A sister of one of his brother- in-laws was obleeged to part with 'em to get raorpheen." "1 suppose you ask a large price for them ?" says Betsy, examinin' 'em with a reverential look onto her countenance. " How much, how much you remind me of a favourite sister of mine, who died when she was fifteen. She was considered by good judges to be the handsomest girl in North America. But business before pleasure. I ought to have upwards of thirty dollars a head for 'em, but seein' it is yon, and it haint no ways likely I shall ever meet with another wo — young girl that I feel under bonds to sell 'em to, you may have 'em for thirteen dollars and a half. " " That is more money than I thought of expendin' to-day," says Betsy in a thought' ful tone. " Let me tell you what I will do ; I don't care seein' it is you, if I do get cheated, I am willin' to be cheated by one that looks so much like that angel sister. Give me thir- teen dollars and a half, and I will throw in the pin that goes with 'em. I did want to keep that to remind me of them happy days at old Stratford," and he took the breastpin out of his pocket, and put it in her hand in a quick kind of a way. " Take 'em," says he, turnin' his eyes away, "take 'em and put 'em out of my sietht, quick ! ur I shall repent." " I do not want to rob you of them," says Betsy tenderly. "Take 'em," says he in a wild kind of a way, "take 'em, and give me the money quick, before I am completely unmanned." She handed him the money, and says he in agitated tones, "Take care of the ar rings, and heaven bless you." And he ketohed up his things, and started off in a awful hurry. Betsy gazed pensively out of the winder, till he disappeared in the dis- tance, and then she begun to brag about her ear rings, as Miss Shakepeare's relicks. Thomas Jefiferson praised 'em awfully to Betsey's face, when he came home, but when I was in the buttery outtin' cake for supper, he come and leaned over me and whispered— ^ A NIGHT OP TROUBLES. 3S callin' him i' William ' Who bnufrht for Kold the purest brass 1 Mother, who brought this griot to po&st What ia this inaiduit's nuoie i Ahvn I Betsy tiobbet." Betsy, aud she lott witboat aayiu' aiioth«ir word. And when I went down sutler for the butter, hb come aud stood in the outside •uUer door, and says he, "How wan iJlie foolfd. this lovely dame i How Wits her reusou overcame? What was the loveljr creature's name t JUetBV Bobbed" That is jest the way he kep' atit, hewonii kinder happen round where 1 was, aud every chance he would get he would have over a string of them verses, till it did seem as if 1 should go crazy. Finally I said to him in tones before which he quailed, "If I hear one w^ord more of poetry from you to-night 1 will complain to your father " says I wildly, "1 don't believe there is an- other woman in the United States that suf- fers so much from poetry as 1 do! What have I done," says I still more wildly, "that I should be so tormented by it ?" says I, "1 won't hear another word of poetry to-night," says I, "I will stand for my rights — I will not be drove into insanity with poetry." Betsy started for home in good season, and 1 told her 1 would go as fur as Squire Kdwards'es with her. Miss Edwards was out by the gate, and ot courae Betsy had to stop and show the ear rings. She was jpst iookin' at 'em when the minister and Maggie Snow and Tirzah Ann drove up tothe gate, and wanted to know what we was Iookin' at so close, and Betsy, castin' a Eroud and haughty look onto the girls, toid im. that — "It was a paih of ear rings that had be- longed to the immortal Mr. Shakespeah'a wife informally." The minute Elder Merton set his eyes on 'em, "Why," says he, "my wife sold these to a peddler to-day. " "Yes," says Tirzah Ann, "these ar« the very ones, she sold them for a dozen shirt buttons and a paper of pins." "I do not believe it, " say* Betsy, wildly. "It is so," said the minister, "My wife's father got them for her, they M"Oved to be brass, and so she never wore tirein ; to-day the pedlar wanted to buy old jewellery, and she brought out some broken rings, and these were in the box, and she told him he might have them in welcome, but he threw out the buttons and the paper of pins." "I do not believe it — I cannot believe it," •ays Betsy gaspin' for breath. "Well^ it is the truth," says Maggia Snow (she can't bear Betsy), "and I heard him say he would get 'em off onto some fool, and make her think " "1 am in such a hurry I mast go," said A NIQHT OF TROUBLES. Truly last m^'ht was a niuht of troubles to us. We was kept awake all the fuffti^art or the night with vats fiuhtin'. It does beat all how they went on, now many there was of 'em 1 don't know; Josiah thought there was upwards of 50. I myself niaiie a calm estimate of (^etween 3 and 4. But I tell you they went in strong what there was of 'em. What under heavens they found to talk about so long, and in such unearthly voices, is a mystery to me. You couldn't sleep no more than if you was in Pandemonium. And about 11, 1 cuess it wa», I heard Thomas JefTerson holler out of his chamber winder (it was on Friday night and the children was both to home,) says he — " You have preached long enough brothers on that text, I'll put in a seventhly for you." And then I heard a brick fall. " You've protracted your meetiu' here plenty long enough. You may adjourn now to some- body else's window aud exhort them a spell." And then I heard another brick fall. "Now I wonder if you'll come round on this circuit right away, Thomas Jefferson's room ii right over oum, and I raised up in the end of the bsd and hollered to him to "stop his noisn," Rut Josiah said, " do let him be, do let him kill the creeters, I am wore out." Says I, "Jr.siah, I don't mind his killin* the cats, but I won't hav«) him talkin' about thier holdin' a protracted meetin and preachin', I won't have it," says I. " Wall," says he, " do lay down, the most I care for is to get rid of the cats. " Says I, " you do have wicked streaks Josiah, and the way you let that boy go ou is awful," says I, " where do you think yoa will go to Josiah Allen ?" Says he, "I shall go into another bed if you can't stop talkin'. I have been kept awake till midnight by them creeters, aud now you want to finish the night." Josiah is a real even tempered man, but^ nothiu' makes him so kinder fretful as to be kept awake by cats. And it is awful, aw- fully mysterious too. For sometimes as yoa listen, you say mildly to yourself, how caa a animal so small give utterance to a noise so Marge, large enough for a elephant ? Thea . sometimes again as you listen, you will get- encoura£re4, thinkin' that last yawl has realljr finished 'em and you think theyare at reat,and better off than they can be here in this worlds utterin' such deathly and terrific shrieks, and you know you are happier. So you will be real encouraged, and begin to be sleepy, when they break out agin all of a sudden, •etmin' to say up in a small fine voice, " W« 34 MY OPINIOFS AND BETSY BOBBET'a Ll!^ won't 50 home till mornin' " drawin' oat the "inornin"' in the most threatenin' and in- Bultin' manner. And then a creat hoane grura voice will take it up, " We won't Oo Home till Mornin' " and then they will spit fiercely, and shriek out the appaiilin' wordii both together. It i« discouragin', and I couldn't deny it, r- I lay down, and we both went to sleep. I hadn't more'n got into a nap, when Josiah waked me up groanin', and says he, ** them darned cats are at it apfin." "Well," says I coolly, "yon needn't swear so, if they be." I listened a minute, and says I, "it haint cats." Says he, "It is." Says I, "Josiah Allen, I know better, it haint cats." " Wall, what is it," says he " if it haint?" I |ot up in the end of bed, and pushed back my night cap from my left and listened, and Hay* I, % "It is a akordeun." " How come a akordeun under our win- der ? " says he. Says I, " It is Shakespeare Bobbet serana* din' Tirzah Ann, and he has got under the wrong winder." He leaped out of bed, and started for the door. Sviys I, "Josiah Allen come back here this minute," says I, "do you realize your condition? you haint dressed." He seized his hat from the bureau, and put it on his head, and went on. Says I, " Josiah Allen, if you go to the door in that condition, I'll prusicute you; what do you mean actiu' so to-night ? " says I, "you was young once yourself." " I wuzzn't a confounded fool if I was young," says he. Says I, " come back to bed Josiah Allen, do you want to get the Bobbets'es and the Dobbs'es mad at you ? " " Yes I do," he snapped out. ** I should think you would be ashamed Josiah, swearin' and actin' as you have to- night," and says I, " you will get your death cold standin' there without any clothes on, come back to bed this minute Josiah Allen. " It haint often I set up, but when I do, I Will be minded; so finally he took off his hat and come to \hid, and there we had to lay nnd listen. Not one word could Tirzah Ann . hear, for her room was clear to tie other end ' of the house, and sucli a time as I had to keep Josiah in the bed. The firsts he played was what they call an inroluntary, and I confess it did sound like a cat, before they Ret to spitin', and tearin' out fur, you know they will go on kinder meloncholy. He went on in that way for a length of time which ] can't set down with any kind of m* curacy, Josiah thinks it was about 2 hours and a half, I myself don't believe it was moio than a quarter of an hour. Finally he broke out singin' a tune the chorus of which was, "Oh think of me-oh think of me," "No danger of our not thinkin' on you," says Josiah, "no danger on it." It was a long piece and he played and enntt it in a slow, and affectin' manner. He then played and sung the foUerin' — " Come ! oh rome with me, Miss Allen, Tho moon is beaniInK: Oh 'rir7.ah,cuma wiih me. The stars are irlcaniing : All around Is bright, with beauty teeming. MoonilKht honrs— in my opinion— I* the time for love. My sklfT Is by the shore, Bhe's light, sno's free. To ply the feathered oar. Miss Allen, Would be Joy to nie. And as we glide along, My song shall be, (If you'll excuse the liberty. Tirzah), I love but thee, I love but thee. Chorus— Tra la la. Miss Tirzah, Tra la la. Miss Allen, Tra la la. tra la la. My dear young maid. He then broke out into another piece, tb« chcTus of which was, "Curb oh curb thy bo'om's pains ril come ag.iin— 1 11 come again." "No, you won't," says Josiah, "you won't never get away, I will get up, Samantha." Says I, in low but awful accents, "Josiah Allen, if you make anotiier move, I'll part with you, says I, "it does beat all, hoir you keep actin' to-night ; haint it as hard for me M it is you ? do you think it is any comfort for me to lay here and hear it ?" says I, " that is jest the way with you men, you haint no more patience than nothin' in the world, you was young once yourself." " Throw that in my face agin will you ? what if I tma / Oh do hear him go on," says he shakin' his fisL ' "Curb oh curb thy bosom's pain,' if I was out there, my young feller, I would give you a pain you couldn't curb so easy, though it might not be in your bosom. " Says I, "Josiah Allen, you have sh6wed more wickedness to-night than I thought you had in you," says I ; "would you like to have your pastur, and Deacon Dobbs, and sister Graves hear your revengeful threats ? If you was layin' helpless on a sick bed would you be throwin' your arms about, and shakin' your Hst in that way ? It scares me to think a pardner of mine should keep actin' as you have," says I ; Vyou have fell 25 cents in my estimation to-night. " " Wall," says he, "what comfort is ther* 4TH OP JULY IN JONESVILLJ.. U other piece, th« ifort ia ther* iu hit prowlin' rouod here, makm' two old (olke Uy all night ia perfect agony 7" " It haint much after midnight, and if it waa," saya I, in a deep and mujestio tone, "do you calct;*atr,Joaiah Allen to go through life without any trouble ? if you do you will find youraeU miataken," aaya L "Do be atill/' "I toont be atill Samantha." Juat then he botiun a new piece, dnrin' which the akordeun Hounded tho moat melon- cholly and cast down it had yet, and hia voice waa aolemn, and aflectin'. I never thought much of Shakoapeare Bubbet. He ia about Thomaa JetTerson'a age, hia mouatache it if poaaible thinner than hiaen, ahould aay whiter, only that ia a impoaaibility. He ia jeat the age when he wanta to be older, and when folka are willin' he ahould, for you dont want to call him Mr. Bjbbet and to call him "bub" aa you alwaya have, he takea «■ a deadly insult. He thinks he is in love with Tirzah Ann, which is jeat aa bad aa long aa it laatf 03 if he whs; jest aa painful to nim and to her. Aa I aaid he anng theae worda iu a alow and affectin' manner. When I think of thee, thou lovely damt . I feci so weak and overcame. That tears would burst from my eje-lid, pid not my stern manhood forbid; For Tirzah Ann, I am a meloncholly man. T acorn my looka. what are fur hatf To such a wretch; or silk cravats; % My feelin's prey to such extents, VictuaU are of no consequence. Oh Tirzah Ann, I am a meloncholly man. As he waited on you from anellin' school. My angui8h spurned all curb and rule, My manhood cried, "be calm 1 forbear I" Use I Biiould have tore out my hair; For Tirzah Ann, I was a melonoholly man. Aa T walked behind, he little knew What dangers did his steps pursue ; I had no damer to unsheath. But Aercely did I grate my teeth; For Tirzah Ann. I was a meloncholly man. Fm wastin' slow, my last year's reat flang loose on me; my nightly rests Are thin as gauze, and thoughts of yon. Gashes 'em wildly through and through. Oh Tirzah Ann, I am a meloncholly man. ITv heart l» in such a burning state^ I feel it soon must conflagrate; But ere I go to be a ghost, 1\ hat bliss— could 'st thou tell me thou float— Sweet Tirzah Ann - Think on thia meloncholly man. He did'nt aing but one more piece after this. I don't remember the worda for it waa a long piece. Josiah insists thai it was at long aa Milton's Paradiae Lost, Saya I, "don't be a fool Joahiah, you never r«ad it" "I have hefted the book." aaya he, "and know the aize of it, and I know it waa as long if not lunger." Saya I agin, in a cool collected manner, "don't be a fool Joaiah, there wasn't more than 25 or 30 verses at the outside." That waa when we waa talk in' it over to the breakfaat table thia momin', but I oonfeaa it did aeem aw'ul long there in the dead of the night ; though I wouldn't en- courage Joaiah by aay in' ao, he loves the last word now, ana I don't know what he would be if I encouraged him in it. I can't re> member the worda. as I aaid, but the chotua of each verae waa Oh 1 1 languish for thee, Oh ! I languish for thee wherever that I be. Oh ! Oh I Oh ! I am langidshin' for thee, I am languishin' for thee. Aa I aaid I never aet mnch atore by Shakes- peare Bobbot, but truly everybody haa their atrong pinta ; there waa qi^avers put in there into them " Oh'a " that never can bq put in agin by anybody. Even Joaiah lay motionless listenin' to 'em in a kind of awe. Jest then we heard Thomaa Jefferaon apeakin' out of the winder overhead. '* My muaical young friend, haven't yon languished enough for one night T Because if you have, father and mother and I, beitr kept awake by other aerenadera the forepart of the night, will love to excuse yon, will thank you for your labors in our behalf, and love to bid you good evenin', lirzah Ann bein' fast asleep in the other end of the houae. But don t let me hurry you Shakea- {)eare, my dear young friend, if you haint anguiahed enough, you keep right on lan- guishin'. I hope I haint hard hearteattiit' in the iiigrcdiencea to » six quart pan oaf of fruit cake, aod on them oooaaions I want my mintl oool and unrutiled. "Aspire Todd it goin' to deliTer the ora- tion," savt ahe. "Aspire Todd I Who'i he?" laya I, oooUy. "Josiah Allen's wife," aivyn she, "have yon foruotten tlie sweet poem that thrilled us so in the Jouesville UimUt a few weeks since ?" " I haint been thrilled by no poem," says I with an almost icy face pourin' ia my melted butter. "Then it must be that you have never seen it, I have it in my port money and I will read it to you," says she, notheedin' the dark froun gathorin' on my eyebrow, and she begun to read, A questioning: sail sent over the Mystic Bea. BT PKOK. ASIMRK TODD. So the maJcBtlc thunderbolt of fccllnar, Out of our inner IIvoh, our unseen bolngs flow, Vogue dreams revealing. Oh, it it so 1 Alas 1 or no, IIow be it, Ah 1 how bo 1 Is matter going to rule the deathless mind f What is matter 1 Is it indeed su 1 Oh, tniths combined; Do the Magaloi thcoi still tower to and frol How do they move ? How flow 1 Monstrous, aeriform, phantoms sublime. Come leer at me, ana Cadmian teeth my BOul gnaw. Through chiliasms of time; Transcendentaly and remorselessly gnaw; Uy what agency 1 la it law t Perish the vacuus in huge immensities; Hurl the broad thunderbolt of feeling free. The vision dies ; 8o lulls tne bellowing surf upon the mystic sea. Is it indeed 80 1 Alasl Oh me. " How this sweet poem appeals to tender hsarts," says Betsy as she concluded it. "How it appeals to tender heads" says I, almost coldly, measurin' out my cinnamon in a big spoon. "Josiah Allen's wife," has not your soul never sailed on that mystical sea he so sweetly depictures ?" "Not an inch, says I firmly, "not an inch." "Have you not never been haunted by sorrowful phantoms you would fain bury in oblivion's sea ? "Not opce," says I, "not a phantom," and says J as I measured out my raisons and Knglish currants, " if folks would work as I do, from mornin' till night, and earn thier honest bread by the sweat cf thier eyebrow*, they wouldn't be tore so much by phantoms JM they be; it is your shiftlebs creeters that Are always bein' gored by phantoms, and bavin' 'em leer at 'em," says I, with mr Nuectacles bent keenly on her, " Why don t they leer at me, Bet»y Bobbet ? " " Becauso yoa are intellectually blind, you cannot see." " I see en6uf;h," says I, " I ace more'n I want to a gcMnl deal of the time." In a dignified silence. I then chopped my raisoDt impressively, and Betsy starteme team, I M'immen babies in ; the mid> I of Jones< and it for wned the upon the an every thought 9 nobler t would ut there n Josiah M full, ne, and let us *e push id upon in' and didn't d take And d her hin' in nd for- elieve eath a tched io me- 'ange I stand be so y not be. lative le to ■peot- able old gentleman in front of her, with her parasol, to make him move alon^. Saye I, "I may as well die one way as another, aa well oxnier a standin' up, as in *ryin' to get a scat,' and I quietly leaned up against a hemlock tree and o^mfmied myself for events. A man heard my words which I spoke about 1-2 to myself, and says he, "Take my seat, mum." Says I, "No 1 keep it." Says he, " I am jest comin' down with a fit, I have gottoleave the ground instantly." Says I, "In them oases I will." So I sot. His tongue seemed thick, and his breath ■melt of brandy, but I make no insinua- tions. About noon Pro. Aspire Todd walked ilowly on to the ground, arm in arm with the editor of the Gimlet, old Mr. Bobl)et fol- lerin' him cIoho behind. Countin' 2 eves to a person, and the exceptions are triflin , there was 700 and fifty or sixty eyes aimed at him as he walked through the crowd. He was dressed in a new shinin' suit of black, his complexion was deathly, his hair was just turned from white, and was combed straight back from his forward and hun^ down long, over his coat coUer. He had a big moustache, about the colour of his hair only bearin' a little more on the sandy, and a couple of pale blue eyes with a pair of spectacles over 'em. As he walked upon the stagin' behind the Editer of the Oimlet, the band struck up, "Hail to the chief, that in trihu nip advances." Aa soon as it stopped play in' the Editer of the Gimlet come forward and said — "Fellow citizens of Jonesville and the ad* jacent and surroundin' world, I have the honour and privilege of presenting to you the orator of tho day, the noble and eloquent Prof. Aspire Todd Esq. Prof. Todd came forward and made a low bow. "Bretheren and sisters of Jonesville," says ^e; "Friends and patrons of Liberty, in risin* upon this aeroter, I have signified by that act, a desire and a willingness to address you. I am not here fellow and sister citizens to out- rage your feelings by triflin' remarks, I am not here male patrons of liberty to lead you noble, and you female patrons your tender footsteps into the flowery fields of useless rhetorical eloquence; I am here noble brothers and sisters of Jonesville not in a mephitical manner, and I trust not in a men- vorial, but to present a few plain truths in a plain manner, for your consideration. My fiiends we are in one sense but tennifolious blossoms of life; or, if you will pardon the tergiversation, we are all but mincratin' ten- nirosters, hovering upon an illinition of mythoplasm. " "Jess so," cried old Bobbet, who was Mttin' on a bench right under the speaker'c stand, with his fat red face lookin' op shinin' with pride and enthusiasm, (and the brandy he had took to honour the old Revolutionary heroes) "Jesa sol so we be I" Prjf. Todd looked down on him in a troubled kind of a way for a minute, and then went on — " Noble inhabitant! of Jonesville and the rural districts, we are actiiiolitic liein's, each of our souls, like the acalphia, radiates a circle of <)rismatic tentacles, showing the divine irriaesceut essence of which composed are they." • " Jee' so," shouted old Bobbet louder than before. "Jea' su, so they did, I've always •aid sa" " And if we are content to moulder out oar existence, like fibrous, veticulated, polypus, clingin' to the crustaceous courts of custom, if we cling not like soarin' prytanes to the phantoms chat lower thier sceptres down through the murky waves of retrogression, endeavourin' to lure us upward in the h< de of progressive bein' — in what degree do we< '^' r from the acalphia ?" " Jes' so," says old Bobbet, lor>kin' detio ly round on the audience. " There he got you, how can they !" Prof. Todd stopped again, looked dofrn on Bobbet, and put his hand J his brow in a wild kind of a way, for a minute, and then went on. " Let us, noble brethren in the broad field of humanity, let us rise, let us prove that mind is superior to matter, let us prove our- selves superior to the acalphia — " " Yes, less," says old Bobbet, " less prove selves." "Let us shame the actinia, "{said the Pro- fessor. " Yes, jes' so !" shouted old Bobbet, "less shame him !" and in hin enthusiasm he got up and hollered agin, " Less shame him." Prof. Todd stopped stone still, his face red as blood, he drinked several swallows of water, and then he whispered a few words to the Eiditer of the Oimkt, who immegiately come forward and said — " Although it is a scene of touchin' beauty, to see an ohl gentleman, and a bald-headed one, so in love with elo<}uence, and to give such remarkable proofs of it at his age, still as it is the request of my young friend — and I am proud to say ' my young friend ' in regard to one gifted in so remarkable a degree — at his request I beg to be permitted to hint, that if the oald headed old gentleman in the linen coat can conceal his admiration, and suppress his applause, he will confer a favour on my gifted young friend, and through him indirectly to Jonesville, to America, and the 8b MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. Eeat cAnse of hnmbnity, throaghout the asth and breadth of the country. Here he made a low bow and sot down. Prof. Todd continued his piece without any more interruption, till most the last ; he wanted the public of Jonesville to " dround black care in the deep waters of oblivion, mind not her mad throes of dissolvin' bein', but let the deep vraters cover her black head, and march onward." Then the old sentleman forgot himself, and sprung up and hollered — " Yes 1 dround the black cat, hold her head under I What if she's mad ! don't mind her Hcreamin' ! there will be cats enough left in the world I do as he tells you to ! less dround her 1" Prof. Todd finished in a few words, a&dsvt doun lookin' gloomy and morbid. The next p.peaker was a large, hea^jhy lookin' man, who talked against wimmin's righte. He didn't bring up no new argu- ments, but talked as they all do who oppose 'em. About wimmin outragin' and destroyin' their modesty, by bein' in the same street with a man once every lection day. And he talked grand about how woman s weakness arroused all the shivelry and nobility of a man's nature, and how it was his de&reat and most sacred privilege and happiness, to prot^t her from even a summer's oreeze, if it dared to blow too hard on her beloved and delicate form. Why, before he had got half through, a stranger from another world who had never seen a woman, wouldn't have had the least idee that they was made of clay as man was, but would have thought they was made of some thin gauze, liable at any minute to blow away, and that man's only employ- ment was to stand and watch *em, for fear some zephyr would G;et the advantage of 'em. He called wimmin every pretty name he could think of, and says he, wavin' his hands in the air in a rapped eloquence, and beatin' his breast in the same he cried, " Shall these weak, helpless angels, these seraphines, these sweet, delicate, cooin' doves — whoso only mission it is to sweetly cor -these rainbows, these posys vote ? Never my bretberen, never will we put such hard- ships upon 'em." As he sot down, he professed himself and all the rest of his sect ready to die at any time, and in any way wimmin should say, rather than they should vote, or have any other hardship. Betsy Bobbet wept aloud, she was so delighted with it. Just as they concluded thier frantic cheers over his speech, a thin, feeble lookin' woman come by where I stood, drawin' a large baby wagon with two children in it, seemin'ly a two-year-old, and a yearlin*. She also carried one in her amis who was lame. She looked so beat out and so ready to drop down, that I got up and give her my seat, and says I, " You look ready to fall down." "Am I too late, ' says she, "to hear my husband's speech? ' "Is that your husband," says I, "that is laugbin' and talkiu' with that pretty girl?" " Yes," says she with a «iort of troubled look. " Well, he jest finished." She looked ready to cry, and as I took the lame child from her breakiu' arms, says I — "This is too hard for you." "I wouldn't mind gettin' 'em on to the ground," says she, " I haint had only three miles to bring 'em, that wouldn't be much if it wasn't for the work I had to do before I come." "What did you have to do?" says I in pityin' accents. " Oh, 1 had to fix him off, brush his clothes and black his boots, and then I did up all my work, and then I had to go out and make six length of fence — the cattle broke into the corn yesterday, and he was busy writin' his piece, and couldn't fix it — and then I had to mend his coat," glancin' at a thick coat in the wagon. " He didn't know but he should want it to wear home, he knew he was goin' to make a great effort, and thought he should sweat some, he is dreadful easy to take cold," says she with a worried look. " Why didn't he help you along with the children ?" says I, in an indignant tone. " Oh, he said he had to make a great ex* ertion to-day, and he wanted to have his mind free and clear ; he is one of the kind that can't have their minds trammelled." " It would do him good to be trammelled — hard !" says I, lookin' darkly on him. "Don't speak so of him," says she be* seechingly. " Are you satisfied with his doin's?" says I, lookin' keenly at her. "Oh yes," says she in a trustin' tone, liftin' her care-worn, weary countenance to mine, "oh yes, you don't know how beauti- fully he can talk. " I said no more, for it is a invinciblo rule of my life, not to make no disturbances in families. But I gave the yearlin' pretty near a pound of candy on the spot, and the glances I cast on him and the pretty girl he was a flirtiu' with, was cold enough to freeze 'em both into a male and female glazier. Lawyer Nugent now got up and said, "That whereas the speaking was foreclosed, or in other words finished, he motioned they should adjourn to the dinner table, as the 4T1I OF JULY IN JONESVILLB. 89 mis who waa Mid so ready md give her ' to hear my ^« I, "that that pretty of troubled s I took the », Bayg I — n on to the I only three be much if do before I ••» says I in his clothes did up all out and ittle broke was busy ix it— and incin' at a dn't know home, he ■cat effort, me, he is the with a : with the tone, great ex< have his the kind lied." immelled him. 1 she be* I'S ♦'» ■ays iin' tone, iuauce to V beauti- lo rule of auces in ' pretty and the y girl he to freeze lier. id said, eclosed, led they as the fair committee had signified by a snowy sig- nal that fluttered like a dove of promise above waves of emerald, or in plainer terms by a towel, that dinner was forthcoming ; whereas he motioned that they should ad- journ »irt« die to the aforesaid table." Old Mr. Bobbet, and the Editer of the Gimlet seconded the motion at the same time. And Shakespeare Bobbet wantin' to do somethin' in a public way, got up and motioned "that they proceed to the table on the nsial road," but there wasn't any other way — only to wade the creek — that didn't seem to be necessary, but nobody took no notice of it, so it was jest as welL The dinner was good, but there was an awful crowd rouml the tabl«.<, and I was glad I wore my old lawn dress, for the child- ren was thick, and so was bread and butter, and sass of all kinds, aad jell tarts. And I hain't no shirk. I jest plunged right into the heat of the battle, as you may say, waitin' on the children, and the spots on my dress skirt would have been too much for anybody that couldn't count 40. To say nothin' about old Mr. Peedick steppin through thel back breadth, and Betsy Bobbet ketchin' holt of me, and rippin' it off the waist as much as 1-2 a yard. And then a horse started up behind the widder Tubbs, as I was bendin' down in front of her to £;et somethin' out of a basket, and she wei^hin' above 200, was precipitated onto my straw bonnet, jammin' it down almost as ilat as it was before it wr braided. I came o(F pretty well in other res acts, only about two yards of the ruflin' of my black silk cape was torn by two boys who got to tightin' behind me, and bein' blind with rage tore it off, thinkin' they had got holt of each other's hair. There was a considerable number of toasts drank, I can't remember all of 'em, but among 'em was these, "The eagle of Liberty; May her quills lencrthen till the proud shaidow of her wings shall sweetly rest on every land." ''The 4th of July; the star which our old four fathers tore from the ferocious mane of the howling lion of England, and set in the calm and majestic brow of E pluribua unum. May it gleam with brighter and brighter radiance, till the lion shall hide his dazzled eyes, and cower like a stricken lamb at the feet of jS pluribus." "Dr. Bombus our respected citizen; how he tenderly ushers us into a world of trial, and professionally and scientifically assists ns out of it. May his troubles be as small as his morphine powders, and the circle of his joys as well rounded as his pills." "The press of Jonesville, the OimUt, and the Autjur) May they perforate the crust of ignorance with a gigantic hole, through which blushing civilization can sweetly peer into futurity. "The fair sect: first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of their countrymen. May them that love the aforesaid, flourish like a green bayberry trco, whereas may them that hate them, dwiudle down as near to nothin' as the bonnets of the aforesaid. " That piece of toast was Lawyer Nugent'a. Prof. Aspire Todd's was the last. "The Lnmineus Lamp of Progression, whose sciatherioal shadows falling upon earthly matter, not promoting socialism, or Siccity, may it illumine humanity as it tardigradely floats from matter's aquius wastes, to minds majestic and apyrous climes." Shakespeare Bobbet then rose np, and says he, " Before we leave this joyous grove I have a poem which I was reqiiested to read to you, it is dedicated to theGo me with a mocked the and laid in din, '3et8y ne it.' " r me to look I didn't, I ouuteaanoe, f anybody is ) companion the present met him or to pray for Allen's wife» repeated to have neveh condemned ; to prey /or s of both." s way, "I any hurt, ey to-night. I crave your k as well as i help them- ided stand." , and says Faih and to-morrow lyin' out to ill you stand male woman unwaverin' you. You >u set. youh )w, win yoU itious tone, >t into your* e Editah of anion. Men not always im. I have mess before tld not walk lildren hang >ught to be be held aad picked I The children oncht to tak^ the pikery if you have to hold thieh noses to make them. The Editah of the Augah needs & companion ; I am going to encourage that man to-morrow night, and I want to know, Josiah Allen's wife, if you will stand by mo." I answered her in reasonable tones. "Yo\^ know, Betsy, that I can't run, I am too fat, and then I am gettin' too old. Mebby I might walk up and help you comer him, out you know I can't run for any- body." Jest then Josiah came in and the oonrer- sation dropped down viz. : on the fare. Says Josiah, says ho, "Brother Wesley Minkleyis a honest, pure minded man, and I shall go, and shall give accordin' to mv ability, but I don't believe in 'em, I don't believe in doin' so much for ministers. The bible says let them live on the gospel ; why dSlx't they ? Tht old 'postles wasn't always havin' dona- tions and f%reB to get up money for 'em, and big sallerys. Why don't they live like the 'postles ?''' Says I, "Josiah Allen, you try to live on clear gospel a spell, and see if your stommack wouldn't feel kinder empty." "Says I, " The bible says the ' Labourei in worthy of bis hire.'" Says I, "folks are williu' to pay their doctors and drui,'gers, and their tiD-peddIerB,and every body else only minis- ters, and if any body has a slave's life, it is good, conscientious minister." Says I, Brother Wesley Minkley works like a dog." "I don't deny it," says Josiah, "but why don't he live like the 'postle Paul ? " Says I, " the 'postle Panl didn't have to buy 40 or 50 yards of merymac callico and factory cloth every year. He didn't have to buy cradles and cribs, and soothin' syrup, for he didn't have any baby's to be cribbed or soothed. He didn't have to buy bunnets, and gographys, and i>runella gaters, and back combs, and hair pins, and etcetery, et- cetery. He didn't have a wife and seven daughters and one son, as Brother Wesley Minkley has got." Says I, almost warmly, " Every other man, only jest ministers, has a hone of layin' up a little somethin' for their children, but they don't think of dein' that, all they exf>ect is to keep 'em alive and cov- ered up," and says I, "The congregation they almost slave themselves to death for begrech that, and will jaw too if they hain't covered up. and dressed up slick. Sister Minkley w&nts h«r girls to look as well as the regs of the girls iu the Church." Says I; the postle Paul wasn't a mother, Josiah, not that I have anything against him," says I, more mildly. The conversation waa interrapted here by Shakespeare Bobbet comin' after Betsy, they had company. Betsy returnea with him, but her last words to me was, in a low, awful voice, " Will you stand by me, Josiah Allen's ' wife ? " I sithed and told her in a kind of a bland way, " I'll see about it." The donation and fare occurred Wednes- day night, and Josiah and me went early, Thomas J. and Tirzah Ann bein' off to school. And I carried as much and as good as anybody there, though I say it that shouldn't. I carried as good vittles too as there was and I didn't scrimp in quantity neither. We was a layin' out to carry 'em half a barrel of pork, and I made a jar of butter and sold it, and got the money for it, Ave dollars, and I atted Josiah to sell the pork and get the money for that. Says I, "Bro> ther Minkley and his wife have both come to years of understandin', and it stands to reason that they both know what they want better than we do, and money will buy any- thing." Josiah kinder hung back, but I carried the day. And so we carried 15 dollars in an envelop, and told sister Minkley to open it after we got home. I didn't want 'em to thank us for it — it makes me feel just as mean as pusley. But some folks carried the litlest things. There was a family of 7 hearty men and women, and all they carried was a book mark out of perforated paper, and a plate of cookeys. There was 7 book marks, for I counted 'em, and 14 pair of slips for the minister's only boy, who is home from school. And this same young man, Whit- field Minkley, had 24 neck ties. Of course there was some other things, a few eassige or so, a little flour, and some dried blackberrys. But it does beat all what simple things some folks will carry. Shakespeare Bobbet carried the ministei a pair of spurs. Thinks' I to myself, " What is he goin' to use 'em on, the saw horse or the front gate ?" For they hare kep' him doun so low, that he is too poor to own any other steeds. And Betsy Bobbet brought him a poem of hers all flowered ofl"^ound the edges, and trimmed with pink ribbon. I hain't nothin' against the poetry, but with a big family like Brother Minkley 's, it did seem to me that there was other things that would be more nourishin' and go further. Atter we bad left our vittles in the pro* cession room where we was goin' to eat, I marched into the meetin' house room which was full of folks, and Brother Minkley came up to talk to me. I felt low spirited, for Betsy's design wore on me. And when Brother Minkley took my hand in hisen, and 48 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. ■hook it in the pureit and most innocent manner, and said, "Sister Allen, what ia the matter? are you havia' a zeroise in your mind T" Says I to him, " Yes, Brother Minkley, I be." I tnrned the subject quickly then, for I abhor hippocrites, and I felt that I was a de- oeivin' him. For whereas he thoaght I was havin' a religious xoercise performin' in my mind, I was not ; it was Betsy Bobbet's de- sign that was a wearin' on me. Ho I waved otf the subject quiokly, though I knew that like as not he would think I was backslidin' and was afraid he would ketch ma at it. Thinks'es I, better let him think I am a slidin' back, I can endure false importations better than I can let myself out for a hippo- crite. I waved off the subject and says I, "That was a beautiful sermon of yours last Sunday, Brother Minkley." " You mean that from the text 'He over- threw the tables of the money changers," and so forth ; I am glad it pleased you, sister Allen. I mean to hit a blow at gamblin' that wonld stagger it, for gambhn' is a pre- vaUin' to a alarmiu' extent," And then says he, plantiu' himself firmly before me, "Did you notice, sister Allen, the lucid and logical manner in which I carried up the argument frjra the firstly to the twenty- thirdly?" I see then I was in for it. Brother Wesley Minkley hain't got another fault on earth as I know on — only jest a catchin' his church members and preachin' his sermons over to 'em. But I have said 100 times that I am glad he has got that, for it sets me more at rest about him on windy -days. Not that I really s'pose he will ascend, but if he hadn't got that fault I should be almost tempted to examine his shoulder blades occasionally, (on the outside of his coat), to see if his wings was a spoutin',he is so fine and honest and unsuspceous. When his sermons are so lonff f;et up into the tweutiethlies, and ies, as they jinerally do, I can't what it is a little wearin' on you, stun still whenever he happens to catch you, in the store, or street, or doorstep, and have him preach 'em all ovea to you alone. You feel kinder curious, and then sometimes your feet will get to sleep. But on the pre- sent occasion I rejoiced, for it freed me for the time beiu' from Betsey's design. He laid holt of that sermon, and carried it all np before me through the firatlys and tenth- lys, just as neat aud as re>{ular as you could hist a barrel up the chamber stairs, aud had just landed it before the nineteenthly which was, "That all the church members had ort to gst together, and rastle with the awful Tica of gamblia' aud tUrp\xr it, and tread oa- that they thirtieth- say but to stand to it," when Betsy Bobbet appeared before aa suddenly with a big bag before her and says she, " Hera is the grab bas, you must grab." I never heard of the thing before, and it come to kind of sudden on me that f huncr back at first. But there wuz a whole lot o? folks lookin' on, and I didn't want to act odd, so I laid holt of it, and grabbed it with both hands as tight as I could towards the bottom. Betsey said that wasn't the way, and then her design so goaded her, that she bent forward and whispered in my ear, " The Editah of the Angah got home to* night, he is expected here in half an hour, I expect you to stand by me Josiah Allen's wife. " I sithed heavy, and while I was a sithin' Betsey asked Elder Minkley to grab, and he, thinkin' no hurt, bein' so pure minded and unsuspicious, and of such a friendly turn, he threw both arms around the bag, grabbed it, aud held it tight. Add then Betsy expl lined it tons — you had to pay 23 coats and then you run your hand into the bag, and had jest what you Liappened to grab first. Then at that minute I see the power of pure cast iron principle as I never seen . it before. Betsey Bobbet and all other sorrows and sufferin' was for the minute forgot, and I was glad I had been born. With the look of a war horse when his mane tosses and he snorts, a smellin' of the battle field. Elder W^esley Minkley ketched the bag out of Betsy s tremblin' hand, threw it down unto the floor and sot down on it. He looked peaceful' then, he knew he had throwed the tempter, and got on to it, holdin' of it down. In the most tryin' and excitin' scenes of life, the ?ood of the human race is my theme of mind, am so wrapped up in it, and then, even in this glorious scene, I said to myself, "Ah, would that Adam had served them apples in the same way." Brother Minkley took out his red silk handkerchief and wiped his heroic, but sweaty face, for it was warm in the meetin' house, and he bein' a large portly man, prin- ciple had heat him up. And then such a sermon as he preached co Betsy Bobbet, it did my very soul good to hear, says he, " It is gamblin', and gamblin' of the very worst kind to, for it is gamblin' in the name of God." "Oh," says Betsy, "deah and respected sir, the money is for you, and it is aotgikutb- lin*, for there is not any wicked papeh cards connected with it at all, it is only a sort of pious raffling in harmless pincushions aud innocent rag children." Then did I see pure principle moantia' op ELDER WESLEY MINKLES DONATION PARTI. 48 hisher »nd higher, his honest face grevr tii* red with it, and saya he, "No rallied pin- cnshioDB shall ever enrich me, I scorn lucre that is obtained in that way. Not one cent ot money Bytay Bobhet will I ever take, that is realized from the sale of thesM ragged ohil> dren. Not a ragged child shall be gambled for, for me, not a child." We was right under the gallery, and at. this minute a tish hook wan let down not but a little ways from us, and Shakespeare Bob- bet who stood bv a basket full of things, hitched on a long huzzy all made of diiTerent kinds of calico, and it went up a dhnglin' over our heads. As he ketched sight of it, Brother Wesley Minkley started up and says he, to Belsy in tones that would be replied " What does that mean f Sayi Betsy in almost tremblin* tones, "They pay ten cents for fishin' once." Then says he in tones that sounded some like distant thunder, "Do they know what they Are goia' to get for their money ?" "No sir," says she, and she quftiled to that extent that I almost pitied her. "More gamblin' !" he cried in fearful tones. And then he sprung for the huzzy, and shouted up the gallery to Shakespeare Bob- bet, " I forbid you to draw up thi« huzzy another step. I forbid this huzzy to be drawed up an inch further. " He hung on to the huzzy with both hands, and says he — M'ith the fire of his old foregrandfather in his eye (who was an orderly surgant in the Revolu- tion) "I'll see if there is goin' to be huzzies gambled for in this way. I'll see if there is goin' to be such shameless duiu's in my church !" For the next half hour confusion rained. But pure principle conquered. In the language of scripture slightly altered to suit the occasion, "He overthrew the grab bags, and drove out the huzzies and fish hooks. " When peace rained agin, I grasped holfc of his hand, and says I almost warmly, "You have done a good job brother, some folka may call it pious gamblin', but I never believed in it." Whitheld Minkley come up at that very minnte. and says he, '""That is jest as I think," says he, in the language of Shakespeare, "It is stealin' the livery horses of heaven, to carry the devil out a ridin' "or mebby I hain't got the very words, but it was somethin' to that effect. Says I, "I never knew that Shakespeare Bobbet ever turned his mind that way, and then says I in a cordial way, "I am real glad to have got home Whitfield, I guess I am about as glad to see you as any body, unless it is your ma, and one or two others," He thanked me and said it seemed good to get home agin, and then says he, "I snppoHo Tirzah Ann is well." His face as he said this was as red as his neck tie. But I didn't seem to notice it. I talked with him quite a spell about her, and told him both the children would bo to home Saturday, and he must come up then, for Thomas Jefferscn would be awful disappointed not to se« him. * He looked awful tickled when I aflkcd him to come, and he said he should certainly come, for he never wanted to see Thomaa Jefferson so bad in his life. I don't make no matches, nor break none. But I hain't a goin' to deny that sister Mink- ley and I have talked it over, and if things go on, as they seem to be a goin' between her Whitfield and our Tirzah Ann, there won't be no straws laid in their way, not » stravr. Whitfield was called off by one of his sisters, and Brother Wesley Minkley standin' in front of me begun, " Sister Allen, 1 am very much like yon, I believe in actin' up to our professions, and as I was about to remark in my twentiethly," then that good, pure minded man begun agin i'est where he left ofif. He had jest Rfted up lis left hand, and was pintin' it off with his right fore finger, and I was jest thinkin' that most likely I had got my night's job in frout of me, when unexpected the Eaiter of the Augur come to speak to me, and Brother Wesley Minkley bein' a true gentleman, stopped preachin' to once, and went to talk* in' to Josiah. I looked sadly into the face of the Editer of the Augur, and sithed, for I knew that Betsy would soon begin to encourage him,, and I pitied him. Ho said " How de do ?" to me, and I said in a absent minded way that " I was ; and I: hoped it was so with him." And then I sithed agin. And my two eray eyes looked sadly into his'en (which wasLutnut coloured), for a spell, and then roamed off across the room onto Betsy. I seen her a fixin' on her- waterfall more securely, and a shukin' nnt- her greek bender, and tightenin' her horse- hair bracelets, and her lips moved as if she was beginnin' to prey. And I knew he had got to be encouraged, and I felt for - him. The Editer of the Augur followed my- mournful gazo« and I was surprised to see the- change in his bntnut eye as it met hers, from what it had been in more former times pre- ceedin'. For whereas he had always looked at her with fear and almont agouizin' appre- hension, as if he realized bis danger, now he looked full in her f%c«*, >a she smiled across the room at him, with a proud, haughty and triumphant mene on him I could not under* 5} MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBETS. ■Und. He gazed at her ailently for I ahould think pretty near a half a miuute aiul then he turned to me with a aweet, contented finile ourvtb'hia mouatache — which had h«en coloured a new bright bUck— and aaya he to me with a peaceful aad aerene look on to Bjtiy. " How iweet it ia, Joaiah Allen'a wife, for a noble but atorm toated bark to anehor in a Iteautiful calm. How aweet it is, when you aee the raveniu' tempeat a amilin' at you, I mean a lowerin' at you, in the distance, to feel that it can't harm you—that you ar« beyond itu reach. To aee it in ita former dread power a drawin' near — " (Betsy had started to come towards us) "and feel that you are safe from it. Josiah Allen'a wife, I feel safe and happy to-night." Betsy was stopped for the minute by Deacon Gowdey, but I knew it was only a momentary respite, and knowin' her de8i>;n, how coula I answer ? I could only ltH)k gloomy into his face, and think sadly. Ah ! ow little we know when trials and dangers are ahead of us, how little we know when we are ^uin' to be encouraged. But he proceeded on in the sama aweet happy triumphin' tones, "Josiah Allea's wife, I believa yon are my friend." "Yes t and your well wisher," and says I, almost wildly, " whatever comes, what- ever may happea to you, remember that I wished you well and pitied you." "Instead of pityin' me, wish me joy," and he held ont his right hand towards me. I hain't no hypocrite, and knowin' what I knew how could I be so deceitful ? I hung back and gripped holt of a breadth of my dress with my right hand. Says he, "I am married, Josiah Allen'a wife, I was married a week ago to-night." I grasped holt of his right band, wiiich he still held out, with my right band, and savs I, " you take a load offem my mind. Who too?" Says he, " the prettiest girl in Log London where father lives." My emotions paralyzed me for nearly a quarter of a minute, and then says L " Where is she ? " "To her folks'es," says he, " but she will be here next week." Betiy drew near. He looked calmly and fearlessly at her, but he murmured gently, "The twins will be a wakin' op ; I must be ftgoin'," and he gently retreated. The first words Betsy said to me was, "Ketch hold of me Josiah Allen's wife, ketch hold of me, I am on th« very point of swooning." Then I krew thi* D*a %•& Go^rdey had been a tellin' her. She looked like a blue {[host, trim.nod off with ottor colour, for she lad on a blues parmetta dress all tnmmed with annato coloured trimmin's. She mnr> mured in almost incoherent words, some- thin' about "her dearest gazelle beiu' a dy> in', and her wantin' to be took off to her buryin' ground." But I know it was no time for me to show my pity ; true friendship de- manded firmness and even sternness, and when she asked roe wildly agin to "ketch hold of her," I aays to her coldly, " Ketch holt of your'-"" Betsy Bobbett." " My lost, my deart elle is a dyin'l my hopes are witlierii ^ays she, shettin' up her eyes and kinder aut^erin' up against the wall. Says I, in tones as cold aa old Zero, or pretty near as cold as that old man, "Let 'era wither." But I see I must oome oat still plainer, or she would make a oublic circus of herself, and says I, pushin' her into a comer, and standin' up in front of her, so as to shet off the audience from her face, for she was a oryin', and she did indeed look ghostly. "Betsy Bobbett the gazelle is married, and their hain't no use in your follerin' on that trail no longer. Now,'' says I, " take your bunnet and go home, and collect your- delf together. And," s- J, cenerously, "I will go with you as fai >e door." So I got her starte.. m quick, and aa quiet as I could, and I guess there wasn't mor'n seven men and fourteen wimmeu that asked me as I came back in, "It was the Editer of the Aufjur, that Betsy was a cryiu' about, and if 1 ever eee such an idiot in my life ?" I answered 'em in a kind of blind and it broke up pretty soon. When Josiah and me went home, as wo passed Mr. Bobbet'ses, I looked up into Betsy's winder which fronted the road, and I see Betsy set by her table a writ in'. Her lips were firmly closed and she was a cryin', her cheeki looked holler and I knew that her teeth was out, so I felt that she was writiu' poetry. I was right, for in the next weeka Oimlet these verses came out. These linei was wrote on to the top of 'em : " We do not wish to encourage the feeling of revenge in our fair contributor's fair breast, but this we will say, that on some occasiona, revenge is a noble feeling and al> moat leans over against virtue's side. And though we do not wish to be personal->-no one could scorn it more than we do — but we say, and we say it with the kindest feeling! towards him, that the £ of the A^~i8 a villain." Editor of the O'imitt. way. WIMMEN'S SPEAM. n like A blue [our, fur she ill tnnimeJ . She mur- ordi, ■omo> bein' • dy. { ofT to her was no time iendahip de- ranesi, and n to "ketch y Bobbett." is a dyin'l she, shettin' [' upagaiust >ld Zero, or an, II plainer, or ) uf herself, comer, and ,s to shet off )r she was a ghostly. is married, r follerin' on ys I, •• take collect your- lerously, "I or." uick, and as ;heie vaan't immea that ivfjur, that ' I ever m« blind way, lome, as wo ed up iiito road, and I ritin'. Her ras a cryin', lew that her was writiu' next weeks These linei e the feeling tutor's fair lat on some liau and al> side. And ersonal — no do — but we lest feeling! the A— —IS A DESIAH. BY BETSY BOBBET. llethlnks I soon shall pans awar. I have seen my last Kuxnlle expiah t Deah fiU'ndH I do not wiali to stajr { To be a «hOHt i« my dcslnh. KevfliiKe is sweet as honey a most — llethlnks 'twere oweet tu be a ghoeti I wonli not be a seraphin. For far a sweeter sig^t would b« On betlpoet sitting, twittiuK him. Of liiH deceit and^pertldy : I'd rathah to be a dreaoTiiI ghoak A slttiag on a certain post. t clm^lve np my heavenly olaim, iilr seat upon the heavenly qulah | I feel anothch, wHdoh aim- To be a tfhust in niv deaiah. Ah, yes! I'd rathch be a ghost. And sit upon a certain post. Methlnks he'd coveh np his head And groan and rithe, and mavbo swear. And Bilho, " I wl^h sho wasn t dead ^ But still I'll Iceep a sittin' theab. As lung as I remain a k* >Ht, ril hang around a certain post. Another certain person may. With terror wi:,h she hadn t had The wretch who made me pass awajt Maybe ahe'U wish I wasn't dead. In vain ! for still my dreadful ghost. Shall glare on her from a certain post. To think how I my brain have racked On lays for him. My stomach cramp ; My bended form ; ray broken back ; My blasted hopes ; my wated lamp. Oil, then I long to be a k' f^st, To hang around a uertal s>oat. Ms soul it pants, my cm brain spins, To think how gushed mj d heart's flow. My sympathy for certain t is. And then to think he used i. so. But soon ! ah soon I'll be a glto^t, A haunting round a certain post. WIMMEN'S SPEAH. Ond bright, beautiful day, I had got my mornin's work all done up, and had sot doun to double some carpet yarn, and Josiah sot behind the stove, blaokin' his boots, when Betsy come in for a mornin's calL She hadn't sot but a few minutes when saya she, " I saw you was not doun to the lecture night before last, Josiah Allen's wife. I was sorry that I attended toit, but my uncle's people where I was visitin' went, and so I went with them. But I did not like it, I do not believe in wimmin'a havin' any rights. I think it is real bold and unwomanly in her to want any rights. I think it is not her speah, as I remarked last night to our deah new preacher. As we was a coming out, afteh the lecture, the fringe of my shawl ketched on to one of the buttons of bis vest, and he 3oice, but continued on cleavin' to the subject — "How awful and revolting it would sound to hear the faih and soften sex talking about tariffs and caurkussss. " i don't know," saya I, " but f had aa WIMMEN'S SPEAH. 53 reaks 'em ? I lives hear 'era talk about caurkunses, as to hear 'em backbitia' thier neighbours and tearia' the charicters of other wimmin into bits, or talkiu' about such little things as wimmin will; why in a small place, a woman can't buy a calico apron without the neigh- bourhood holdia' a inquest over it. Some think she ort to have it, some think it is extravagant in her, and some think the set flower on it is too young for her, and then they will all quarrel agin whether she ort to make it with a bib or not." Says I, "the very reason why men's talk as a general thing is nobler than Mrimmen's, is because they have nobler things to think about." Says I, "Betsy Bobbet, when did you ever know a passoi of men to set down and spend a whole afternoon talkiu' about each other's vest, and mistrustin' such a fel- ler painted ; till a woman's mind with big, noble sized thoughts, and she won't talk such litt^ back bitiu' gossip as she does now." "Josiah Allen's wife," says Betsy, "I •hall always say it is not woman's speah to vote." " No," says Josiah, " it hain't ; wimmin would vote for the handsomest men, and the men that praiaed thier babys, they wouldn't stand up onto principal as men do, and then, how they would clog up the road 'leotion day, tryin' to get all the news they could, wimmia have got such itchin' ears." "Itchin' ears I" says I, " principle ! ' says I, in low but awful deep tones of voice. "Josiah Allen, it seems, that I wouldn't try to fltand up onto principle agin, till the pan- taloons are wore out you hired a man with to vote your ticket." He l>egun to look sheep- ish at once, and I continued in still more awful accents, "talk about itchin' ears, Josiah Allen ! here you have sot all the mornin' blackin' your boots, you have rubbed them boots till you have 'most rubbed holes thiuugh 'em, jest for an excuse to set here and hear me and Betsy Bobbet talk. And it hain't the first time nuther, for I have known you, Josiah Alien, when I have had female visitors, to leave your work and come in and lay on that lounge behind the stove till you was most sweltered, pretendin' you was readiu'." " I wiiz a readin'," says Josiah drawin' on his boots. " I have ketched you lauehin' over a fu- neral sermon, and a President's message, what is there highlarinus in a funeral sermon, Josiah Allen ? What is there exhileratin' in a President's message?" " Wall," says he, " I guess I'U water the steers. " "I slioiiH t>iink you had better," says I Coolly, and after he went out, Betsy resumedi " Josiah Allen's wife, I still say it is not Roman's speah to vote," and she continued, " T have got a few verses in my pocket, which I composed that night aftah I returned from the lecture, which embody into them the reelings of my soul concerning woman's speah. I went to my chamber, and let down my back haih, and took out my tc'-'tb, I always feel more free somehow, and poetic, with my hair down and my teeth out, and t wrote these stanzeys, and seeing it is ydn, I will read them to you." My firm and cast iron prsiniples forbid my wishin' in a reckless way that I wasn't my- self, and I was in my own house, and horspitality forbid my orderin' her in stem accents, not to read a word of 'em, so I sub- mitted, and she read as follows : WIMMKN'S SPEAH. Or whisperin's of nature to BETSY BOBBET. Last nifirht as I meandered out Tornpditate apart, Secluded in my parasol, iJecp subjeci^ Bhouk my heart. The earth, the skies, the prattling: brookS .All thundered in my ear, " It is matrimony ! it ia matrimony That is a woman's speah." Day with a red shirred bonnet on, Had down for China atarted, ItH yellow ribbons fluttored o'er Her head, as she departed; She seemed to wink her eyes on me A s she did dipappeuh ; And say, "it is matrimony, Betsy. That is a woman's 8i>eab. A rustic had broke down his team; I mused al nostin teaha, "hi»w can a yoke be bturue along Pv half a r>nir of ptt era 1 Even thus in wrath did nature speak, 'llcih! UetM.v Bobbet. heah I It is matrimony ' it is matrimony That is woman's speah." I saw a palh of ro^es Like wedded pardners firrow; Fharp thorns did pave thier mortal path. Yet sweetly did they blow ; They seenu>d to blow these gloriouswordB Into my willina eah , "It is matrimony ! it is matrimony That ia a woman's speah." Two gentle sheep upon the hills. How eweet the twam did run. As I meandered gently on A nd sot dow a on a stun ; They sc nied t^ murmur sheepishly* "Oh Betsy Bobbet deah. It is matrimony ! i . is matrimony That is a woman's speah." Sweet was the hon«^y suckles breath T'pon the ambient sih ; Sweet was tlie tendah coo of doves. Yet BweetfT liusbands aih. A 'I mtture's voice* poured these wordg Into my wiUiny cab ; "n. Bobhet, it is matrimony That Is a woman's speah.* M MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. kK "The above are my sentiments," says sh*, M she folded up the paper. I 'I am a married woman," says I, and I haint got nothin' to say aginst marryin', especially when Joaiah's back is tamed, I don't believe in beiu' underhanded. But there are a great many widows and unmar- ried wimmen in the world, what are they to do?" "Let them take heed to these glorious and consoling words, "*It is matrimonr, it !s matrimony That is a woman's speah.' " "Shet up about your speah'a," says I, get- tin' wore out, "You may sing it Betsy Bob- bet, and ministers may preaoh it, aad writers may orate about it, that it is women's only speah to marry, but what are yougoin'todo? Are you goin' to compel men to marry all the wimmen oflf 7 " says I, with a penetratia' look onto Betsy. "I have seen mmmen that was willin' to marry, but the men wasn't f orthcomin', what are they to do ? What are the wimmen to do whose faces are as humbly as a plate of cold greens T" Says I, in stem tones, "Are men to be pursued like stricken dears by a mad mob of humbly wimmen T Is a woman to go out into the street and collar a man and order him to marry her T I am sick of this talk about its bein' a woman's only speah to marry. If it is a woman's only speah to marry, the Lord will provide her with a man, it stands to reason he will. One that will suit her too, one that will come jest as nateral for her to leave all of the rest of the world and foller, as for a sunflower to foller on after the sun. One that she seems to belong to, jest like North and South America, joined by nature unbeknown to them ever sense creation. She'll know him if she ever sees him, for their two hearts will suit each other jest like the two halves of a pair of shears. These are the marriages that Heaven signs the certificates of, and this marryin' for a home, or for fear of bein' called a old maid, is no more marriage in the sight of God, no more true marriage, than the blush of a fashionable woman that is bought for ten cents an ounce and carried home in her pocket, is true modesty." Here was a pause, durin' which Betsy quailed some, and then I resumed again, in the same lofty tones and I don't know but a little loftier, " There is but one thing that makes marriage pure and holy in the sicrht of God." " And what is that?" says Betsy in an enquirin' tone. "Love," says I, in a full clear tone, "Love, such as angels feel for one another, lo\ e, such as Samantha Smith felt for Josiah Allen, though vjhi/ 1 loved him. Heaven knows, I don't. But I couldn't help it, and I would have lived single till them days we read of, if I hadn't. Though for what reason I loved him — " I continued mewsin'lv, and almost lost in deep retrospectin' — "f don't know. I don't believe in rehearsin' privacies and braggiu' about such things, but in the name of principle I speak. A richer man wanted me at the same time, a man that knew half as much agin, at least, as Josiah. I no need to have wet the ends of my fingers in dish* water if I had married the other one, but I couldn't do it, I loved Josiah, though why " — and again I plunged down into deep ab- straction as I murmured to myself — " though why I did, I don't know." " In them days," says I, risin' up agin out of my revery, " In them days to come, when men and wimmen are independent of each other, marriage will be what it ought to be, for folks won^ marry unless God unites their hearts so close they can't get 'em apart no- how. They won't be tackled fogether by any old rotten ropes of interest and accomida- tion, that are liable to break in to pieces any minute, and in them days, the hands of divorce writers won't be so, lame as they be now." "1 cannot eomprihend," says Betsy, " how M'immen's votin', will change the re- prehensible ideah of marryin' for a home, or for fear of being ridiculed about, if it will, I cannot see." " Can't you see daylight, Betsy Bobbet, when the sun is mountin' up into the clear horizeon ? " says I in a eloquent voice, "it stands to reason that a woman won't marry a man she don't love, for a home, if she is capable of mukin' one for her* self. Where's the disgrace of bein' a old maid, only wimmen are kinder dependent oa men, kinder waitin' to have him ask her to marry him, so as to be supported by him ? Give a woman as many fields to work in as men have, and as good wages, and let it be thought jest as respectable for 'em to earn their livin' sa fur a man to, and that is enough. It riles me to hear 'em talk about wimmen's wantin' to wear the breeches j they don't want to ; they like calico better than broadcloth for atiddy wear, they like muslin better than kersey mear for hand- some, and they have a natural hankerin' af- ter the good opinion and admiration of the other sect, but they can do better without that admiration than they can without vittles." "Yes," says Betsy, "men do admire to have wimnicn clin^in' to 'em, like a vine to a statdly tree.and it is indeed a sweet view." " So 'tis, so 'tis," says I, I never was much of a dinger myself. Still if females want to cling, I hain't no objection. But," X WIM MEN'S SPEAH. 65 and I would yi we read of, reason I loved V, and almost [ don't know, privacies and it in the name r man wanted hat knew half ih. I no need ngers in dish* ler one, but I , though why " into deep ab< elf— "though n' np agin out ;o come, when dent of each b ought to be, d unites their 'em apart no- . together by ind accomida< to pieces any ^he hands of e M they be says Betsy, [lange the re< >r a home, or ;, if it wiU, I etsy Bobbet, into the h eloquent lat a woman love, for a one for her* bein' a old ependent on ask her to ed by him? work in as nd let it be 'em to earn and that is I talk about breeches ; alico better r, they like for hand' lankerin' af« ation of the ker without iu without ' admire to i.e a vine to iveet view." never was if females ^on. But," ;rin^ breaks what is to if It can't do nothin' ■ays I, in reasonable tones, "as I have said niore'n a hundred times, if men think that wimmen are obleeged to be vines, thsy ought to feel obleegeJ to make trees of themselves, for *em to run up on. But they won't , dome of 'em, they will not be trees, they seem to be sot against it. And as I have said what if a vine hain't no tree convenient to cling to ? or if she has, what if the tree she clings to happens to fait through inherient rotteness at the core, thunder and lifihtnin or etcetery ? If the strin become of the creeper but creep ?" Says I, " it is all well enough for a ricn woman to set in a velvet gown with her feet on the warm hearth and won- der what makes the poor drunkard's wife down in the street, shiver. Let her be out once with her bare feet in the snow, and she'd find out. It hain't the rich, happy, comfortable dingers I am talkin' in behalf of, but the poor shiverers outside who hain't nothin' to cling to. " " Women's speah" — began Betsy. "Women's speah," nays I interruptin' her in a magestic tone before which Betsy quail- ed imperceptably. " Women's speah is where she can do the most good ; if God had meant that wimmen should be nothin' but men's shadders. He would have made gosts and fantoms of 'em at once. But havin' made 'em flesh and blood, with braens and souls, I believe He meant 'em to be used to the best advantage. And the talk about wimmen havin' to fight, and men wash dishes, if wimmen vote, is all sheer nonsense. In the Baptist church where wimmen vote, I don't see as they act diHerent from other wimmen, and I don't see as the Baptist men act any more sheepish than common men." Says I "it is jest as ridiculous to say it would make a woman act coarse and rampage round to vote, as to say that kissin' a pretty baby, or lovin' books and music and pictures, makes a man a hen huzzy." ^ Says I, carried away with powerful emo- tions, "you may shet a lion up foi years, in a room full of cambric needles and tattia' Rhettles, and you can't get him to do any- thitig but roar at 'era, it haint a lion's natur to do line sewin'," says I. "And you may tie up a old hen as long as you please, and you can't break her of wantin'to make a nest, and scratch for her chickens." Says I — wavin' my right hand, slow and magcstically — "you may want a green shade onto the front side of your house, and to that end and cii'ttct you may plant a acorn, and set out a rosebush, but all the legislates in creation can't make that acorn tree blow out with rd posys, no mure cau tliey make that rose bush stand up straight as a giant. And their beiu' planted by the side of each other — on the same ground and watered out of the same waterin' jug — don't olter their natural turn. Thetf will both help shade the winder, but do it iu their own way which is different. And men and wimmen votin' side by side, wo lid no more olter their natural dispositions than singin' one of Watts'es hymns together would. One will sing base, and the other air, so long as the world stands." "Josiah Allen's wife," says Betsy, "I think your views are urouieus. We cannot think alike about clinging, we also difTeh in our views about caurkusses. When I consideh that 'lections and caurkusses come once every yeah, then comes home the solemn feelin', how wearin' it would be for a female to drop all her domestic labohs and avocationni, and be present at them. Josiah Allen's wife, let us sposen the case, sposen a women is a washin', or churnin buttah, how could she leave this laboh to go and vote? I was so wore out, that says I, " We will sposen the case, sposen a woman is a fool, how can she talk common sense ? Says I, with so impa* tient a gesture that I broke off a thread, and had to tie it on agin, "you are goin' over the same old ground agin of a woman's time," says I, "wimmen can drop all thier doine&tio labours and go to fares — town fares, and county fares, and state fares if she can get to 'em. She will be on the ground in time to see the first punkiu and bedquilt carried on to it, and she will stay to see the last horse trot his last trot; she can find time for pic- nics and pleasure exertions, and celebrations, and 4th of July — that last all day — and it would take about half a minute to vote. But," says I, in the most grand and noble tone I had used yet, "men haint took by the coat collar and dragged off to caurkusses and 'lections, they don't go unless they are a mind to, and Idon'tsuppose wimmen would bedrove there like a flock of sheep. They wouldn't want to go, only when some great la«r was up concerning right and wrong, or her own intrinsick interests, as givin' a mother a equal right to her children, a right she earnt naturally, a deed God himself stamped with the great seals of fear and agony. Or beiu' taxed without repi esentation ; which breaks the old constitution right into, iu the middle, every time it is done. Or concernin* equal pay, for equal labour. I spose every female clerk and teacher and operator, who have half starved on about one third what men get for doin' the same work would be on hand. Like wite concerning Temperance, I spuao every drunkard's wife and mother aid girl would go to the pole that could get theie. Poor things, under the Legislator they havo enjoyed the rijiht of sufferin'; spospu it lo5S» 'cm enjoy suffra^in' a spell, niebby they would find it as easy if not easier." 06 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBUET'S Just at this minute we see the new Local Preacher, comin' down the road in an open buggy, and Betsy said to once she must be goia', for her folks would be worryiii' about her. Says I, as she hurried to the door, " Meboy you 11 get a ride." " Oh no," says she, " I had a great deal rather walk afont, I think there is nothing like walking afoot for strengtheuiu' the musseld." I am glad she felt so, for I see he didn't ask her to ride. But as she said, health is a blessing, and it is a treat indeed to have strong mussels. A TOWER TO . NEW CXPiiSEt DIS- The summer after the Donation and Fare dawned peacefully and fair on Jonesville and the earth. The weather was pleasant, and things seemed to go on as Sister Wesley Minkley and I could wish them to, between her VVhitKeld and our Tirzah Ann. Thom- as Jefferson every fortnight or so dressed up in his best and went in the direstion of Law- yer Snow's. He said that ' 'he went to a new piotracted meetin' that they had jest started up that way. " I don't say that he didn't, but I will say that they protracted 'em pretty late. I don't make no matrihes nor break none, but I must say things look promisin' and agreeable in the direction of the children. Whitfield Minkley, and Mag- gy Snow, is agreeable to me, vtry; so they be to Josiah. Josiah thinks considerable of Maggy's be- in' so fore-handed. I say myself if she hadn't but one hand in the line of riches, or no hand at all, she would still be my choice. She is a straight-forward sensi- ble girl — with no affectation, or sham about her. She reminds me of what Samantha Allen was, before she had changed her maiden name of Smith. Whether they are realiy engaged or not, I don't know, for Thomas J. is such a hand for fun that you oan't find out anything from him no more than you could from the wind. But good land ! there is time enough. The children shan't marry anybody in one good five years from now, if I have my say about it. But as I told Josiah, I remember we was a talkin' it over last fall, as we sot out a new orchard — I was a holdin' the trees for him j«nd says I — "Josiah it is our duty to get ap- ple trees and children started in the right airection, and then let them take their time to grow." He said, "Yes, so it was." He feels well about it, as I say, it is agree- able to us both, and then Josiah 's crops looked well, the crows took a little of his 3ori), but it had come on, and bid fair to be a first rate crop. And as for his oata and barley and winter wheat, they cuuldn t b* bettered. The Editerof the Augur h&A brough* home his bride, a good look in' light cum plected woman, who seemed devottd to bin and the two twins. They went to hous< keepiu' in a bran new liouse, and it was ob served that he bought a cottage bedsteat* that didn't have any posts, and life for biu seemed blest and peaceful. Betsy Bobbet did not pine away and ex pire as might be expected by cursory readers of her last poem in the Jonesville Gimlet, But any deep philosipher who had made the Human Race, his (or her) study for any length of time, never worrys over such efushions, knowin' that atUiction is like the measles, and if they break out freely in pim> pies and poetry, the patien'is are doin' well. Betsy had been ijretty quiet for her through the winter and spring, she hadn't made overtures only to two more — which was a little pill doctor, and a local preacher who had been sent round by the Conference. As she remarked to me, " It is so natural to get attached to your minister and your phy« sician. " As I said the summer sun basked peace* fully down and Jonesville almost asleep un> der her rays, seemed the abode of Repose. Buc where was there a Eden fenced in, but what Ambition let down the bar8,or climbed over the fence. It was a Ambition that leaped over into my door yard the very day I heard the ble»se4 tidings, tha't Horace Greeley was run up for President. I had always respected Horace-) he had al- ways been dear to me. And when I say dear, I want it to be plaiidy understood— I insist upon it that it shall be understood — that I mean dear, in a scriptural, and political sense. Never sense I united myself to Josiah Allen, has my heart swerved from that man so much as the breadth of a horse hair. But Horace's honest pure views of I'fe, has endeared him to every true lover of the Human Race, Josiah Al« len's wife included. Of course we don't think alike on every subject. No 2 human bein'fl ever did. Horace «.nd I differ on some things such as biled vlttles, Wimmen's Rights, and cream biscuit. He don't be- lieve in biled vittles, and it is my favourite beverage. He is a unbeliever in salaratns, I myself don't see how he makes cream biscuiii fit to eat without it. And he — not havin' me to influence him — hadn't comeout*onto the side of wimmin's bavin' a Right. But as a general thing, Horace Greeley was to be found onto the side of Right. He was onto the aide of the weak, the down trodden. He was always a plottin' to do some good to N A TOWER TO NEW YOKK DISCUSSED. 67 som^ody, aud I felt that if the eyes of his spectacles could be once opened onto this subject of wimmen's havin' a Bight, that he would be Diore help to us than a army of banners. Mouths before he was run up for Prenident I had felt this, and in the fall of 1871, *s Josiah was settin' by the fire aluue, he a readin' the World aud I a kuittiu' says I to him, "Josiah afe you willin' that I should go down to New York Tillage on a tower, and have a talk with Horace about the Human race and wimmen'H havin' a right?" Josiah didn't seem to be willm', he looked up from the World, and muttered somethin' •bout "Tammany's ring." I don't know when the old Smith blood 10 riled up in me as it did then. I remember I riz right up where I set in front of the stove, and waved my right hand, I was so excited, and says I, "Josiah Allen if you have lived with me goin' on 15 years, and if you haint no more confidence in me than to think I would ac- cept a ring from old Tammany, then I will stay to home. Says I, Josiah Allen, I never mistrusted till this very minute that you had a jealous hair in your head, says I, you have fell 35 cents in my estimation to-night, says I, you know Josiah Allen that I haint never wore no jewelery sense I jined the Methodist meetin' house, and if I did, do you spose I would accept a ring from old Tammany, that sneakin old Democrat? I hate old Tammany, I perfectly despise the old man." I felt so imposed upon and worked up, that I started right off to bed and forgot to wind up the clock, or shet the buttery door, for I remember the clock run down and the cat eat the inside out of the custard pies. Wall from that time I never had opened my head to Josiah about gofn' off on a tower. But I wrote Horace a letter on the subject of Wimmen's Eights, as good a letter as I knew how, beggin' him to follow the example of J. Allen's wife, and all other noble reformers aud put his shoulder blades to the wheel." His answer wasn't so satisfactory as I oould have wished it was, and I knew I could do better to stand face to face with him. But as I say I don't know as I should ever have started up agin, if that great and good man hadn't been run up for President. Now some thought it looked shiftless in the Democrats, aud kinder poverty struck in 'em, to think they had got all out of Pre- sident stuff, and had to borrow some of the Hepublicans. But good land! where is there a housekeeper but what will once in a while get out of tea and have to borry a drawin' of her neighbours ? If good, honest, smart men was skurse amongst 'em, if they had got kinder run out of President timber, and wanted to borry a little, why it would have looked dreedful tight and unneighberly in the Republicans to have refused em, when they was well on it too for President stuff, they could have spared two or three jest as well as not, even if they never got 'em paid back. But the Democrats only wanted to borry one, and that was Horace. The De- mocrats thought everything of Horace because he put a bail onto Jeff Davis. Josiah said at the time that it raised him 25 cents or more in his estimation. At the same time it madded some of the Republicans. But it didn't me. You see I believe jest what I think is risht, and pay bo attention to what the other folks who are standin' on my door- step may happen to believe. Nobody that stands on my platform — let 'em stand as close to me as they are a mind to — not one of 'em is answerable to God for what thoughts and principles are performin' in my mind and souL Josiah Alien's wife hangs on to nobody's apron strings only jest her own. As far as the party on my doorstep believe what I think is right, I am with 'em heart and hand, but I am not one to shet up my eyes and walk up blindly and hang on to anybody's apron strings, not even Horace Greeley's, as anybody can see in the matter of biled Tittles, Wimmen's Rights, and cream biscuit. To think you have got to believe everything your partjr does, seems jest as unreasonable to me, as it would when you go out to pick greens, to pick skunk cabbage because cow cabbage is good and wholesome. Why skunk cabbage is pison, jest as pison as sikuta or ratsbane. Now the doctrine of free love as some folks preach it up, folks in both parties, why tiie smell of it is jest as obnoxious in my political and moral nostrals as the smell of sikuta is, and if anything smells worse thaa that, I don't want to go near it. Pick out the good and leave the bad, is my theme in greens aud politix. Now about puttin' that bail onto Jeff Davis, though as I say it madded my party, I was glad he put it on. Jeff was a mesn critter no doubt, but I don't know as chokin' him to death with a rope would have made him any better. I say this idee of chokin' folks to death to re- form 'em, is where we show the savage in us, which we brought down from our bar* bariotts ancestors. We have left oft' the war paint and war whoops, and we shall leave off the hangin' when we get civilized. Says some to me, " Look at our poor Northern boys that suffered aud died in T^ 08 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. Libby priioa and Aadersonville through Jef- fersoD." I says to 'em. "Would chokin' Jefferson bring 'em back T if bo I would choke him my- self — not to kill him of course, but lo he would feel it, I can te^ you." No i it was all over, and past. All the sin, and all the sorrow of the war. And God had out of it brought a great good to the black Af ricaas, and the nation, in the way all good is generally brought, through sufferio' and tribulation. And if a nation is made perfect through suSerin', what should be the first lesson she should show to the world ? I say, it should be the lesson that Christ and his disciples taught, that of all Heavenly eraces, chanty is the greatest. The way I looked at it was this. The South that had been so braggin', and selhsh, and overbearin', stood at the door of the proud and victorious North, like a beggar, harmless, destitute and ragged. Where is the rich happy woman that wouldn't give a nutcake to a sick beg- gar ? I don't see myself how she could help givin' one, if she had any generosity and nobility and— nut-cakes. Jeff Davis was all bmko to pieces, and he wanted a bail put onto hiin po life could grip holt of him agm, and carry him I hope to- wards that heaven he turned his back to, when he was Hirtitiu' to uphold slavery. Horace helped put that bail on, and so did other noble men ; and all the ministers in creation, of every persuasion, might all stand up in a row in our door yard, and preach to me 2 days, and then I wouldn't believe that H. G. would turn his hand to anything ho thought was wrong. If there was any fault in him about this, it was on tbe side of charity and mercy, and as a general thing that end of the board dou't tip up any too fur in this selfish world. As a general thing, folks don't teter on that end of the board so much as tliey do on the other. So, as I said, when I heard that Horace was run up for President, I was so happpy that my heart would have sung for joy if it had been anything of a singer, for now, thinks'es I, with that great and good and honest man for President, all he wants is the influence of Joaiah Allen's wife to make him all the suf- ferin' nation needs. I felt that now the time had come for J. Alien's wife to come ont boldly and put her shoulder blades to the wheel I felt that if Horace could be per- swaded to draw and Josiah Allen's wife to push, nothin' could hender that wheel from Diovin' right onward into Freedom. And BO my principles, and the great doctrine BO goared me, that I couldn't get no rest, I felt that I must soe Horace before he got sot dooa iu the high chair, because you know when any body gets sot doun they don't love to nestle round and make no changes. So I atted Josiah about it, but he didn't seem to be willin'. I didn't come right out and tell him how I was xercised on Wim- min's Rights, knowin' he was a aubeliever, but I says to him, " Josiah, Jonesville is a good village, but nobody wants to be tied doun even to a bar- rell of sale molasses. Josiah, I do want to see some other village, I do want to go to New York on a tower." Says he, " Samantha, what nader the sun do you want to go for at your age, why do you want to start up and go a ca^eria' round the country ? " I thought a minute, and then says I, " I want to see Miss Woodhull, and give her a real talkin' to, about free love. I want to convince her she is in the wrong on it," and then says I, in a kind of a blind way. " I have got other business that I feel that it ia my duty to attend to." But he didn't seem to be willin', and I wouldn't go without his consent. And so it went on, Josiah hangin' back, and my prin- ciples a goarin' me. It wore on me. My dresses begun to hook up looser on me, and finally one mornin', as I dallied over my second potato,and my third egg, not eatin' 'em with no appetite, Josiah says to me, "What does ail you, Samantha, you don't eat noth* in', and you seem to be a runnin' doun." "Then X broached the subject to him agin. J expected he would object. But he looked at me in a silent melankolly way for about one minute, and half or three quarters of another, and then says he, in a gentle but firm accent, " Samantha, if I can sell th« old critter you can go. " %" So I was left in uncertainty (as it were) for I knew he wouldn't sell it for less than the price he had sot it, and no knowin' whether it would fetch it or not But I felt in my heart a fcelin' that I should go off on that tower. And so I gradually but silently began makiu' preperations, I quietly and calmly took out two breadths of my brown alapaca dress and goared 'em and put a over- skirt on to it, for I was determined not to go to New York without a overskirt on to me. Not that I care about such triflin' things myself, but I felt that I was repre- sentin' a good cause, and I wasn't goin' to put our cause to shame by not bavin' on a overskirt. Men sometimes say that great and strong minded wimmen are slack in the matter of dreisin' up, I was determined to show 'em that that weakness wasn't mine. I wasn't goin' to be all tattered out, with ecds and tag locks of bows and pleatin's, and tow curlv and frizzles, but I felt there they don't 10 changM. he didn't le right out . on Wim- unbeliever. Tillage, but en to a bar- do want to int to go to der the sun ige, why do jeria' round sajrs I, " I d give her a I want to on it," and id way. *' I tel that it ia Ilin', and I And BO it nd my prin- Q me. My on me, and d over my oteatin' 'em me, "What I't eat notb> doun." ;o him agin. It he looked y for about quarters of gentle but old critter (as it were) >r less than QO knowin' But I felt d go ofif on )ut silently Euietly and my brown put a over- uued not to rskirt on to iich triflin' GOVERNED BY PRINCIPLES. 69 repre- 'to was n't Roin havin' on a that great lack in the (rmined to aan't mine, d out, with pleatin's, I felt there was a mcgium course to pursue, and I was determined to hit against it. Then agin I felt that the colour of my dress suited the great cause. I wasn't goin' rigged out in pink muslin, or sky-blue cambric, or anything of that sort. A good solid sensible brown seemed to be jest the thing. Black would have seemed too much in the mournin' line, as if we was despondent when we wasn't. White book muslin would have looked as if my principles was too thin, and I was too light and triflin', and didn't realize the great issues dependent on to me. No; brown alapaca with a overskert I felt was jest what the anxious nation required of me, as I stood face to face with the future President of the United States—with my spectacles calmly gazin' into his'en, a iniluenuiu' him in the cause of Right. Another reason, I won't deny, influenced me in tryin' to get a good pattern for my overskert so as to have it set good. (I got it of Miss Gowdey and made it a little bigger round the waist. ) I thought more'n likely as not Horace's and my picture would be took, and in the future would be hung up by the side of that good honest old Lmcoln's Emancipation Proclamation. " Joaiah Allen's wife influencin' Horace in the Great Cause of Wimmen's Rights." And though I haint vain, I thought how poor it would be, and what a eye sore to the nation if my dress didn't hang good. And how pleasin' it would be both to America and Josiah, to see me dressed in a noble and beoomin' way. So I finished my ovorskirt, and silently done up my best petticoat, and in the same mysterious manner I put some tape trimmin' on to the bottom of it. And so the long and tegus days passed away from mc. I felt that suspense was a weariu' on me. Josiah see that it was. And on Saturday mornin' I see him pensively leanin' over the barn yard fence, mewsin' as it was, and pretty soon he hitched up the old mare, and went to Joncsviile, and when he came back he says to me, in sorrowful tones but some composed. ••Samantha, you can start to-morrow if you waut to, I have sold the old critter." And then he added pensively. " I wish you would have a few griddle cakes for supper, with some maple molasses on to em. GOVERNED BY PRINCIPLES. On the next Monday mornin', I let loose my feelin's as it was, and begun to make open preparations. I baked up the best Tittles the house afforded, for I determined Joaiah should live like a king durin' bis tem- porary widowerhood. Then after I got through bakin' and got the house clean as a pin, I commenced to fix a dress to wear on the journev, for of course I wasn't goin' to wear my best dress with aoverskirt on the railway. I am a master hand for bein' care- ful of my clothes, and I knew it would almos* spile one of my best dresses, but I had t calico dress as good as new. It was a darjb blue ground work with a handsome sprig or it, and after I took up two tacks in it, } felt that it was jest the thing to wear oi the tower. I had jest put it on, and had got the look* in' glass onto the floor to see if it cleared thf floor enough, when Thomas Jefferson com* ip, and says he, " Your dress is too short, mother, I hate to see short dresses, they look so hihor- sical?" 1 answered him with dignity as I looked over my shoulder into the glass. "Samantha Allen, whose maiden namewas Smith, haint a goin' to mop out the cars for the railroad company, free gratis for nothin'," and I added with still more impressive dig« nity, as I hung up the lookiu' glass, " what you mean by hihorsical I don't know." He said it was a compound word derived from the Greek, "hi;;h, to intoxicate, and "horsical," a race horse, which two word^ strained ofi* from the dead language and biled doun into English meant "hihorsical." I told him "I didn't care for his Greek, I didn't care if it was dead, not a mite, I shouldn't cry over it, "and I told him further, fixin' my gray eyes upon him serenely, "that there was two or three words that wasn't dead, that he would do well to strain ofi*, and bile doun, and take 'em for a stiJdy drink." He wanted to know what they was and I told him plainly ^hey was " Mind yuur owd business. He said he would bile 'em doun, and take 'em stiddy as a clock, and pretty soon ht started off' for Jonesville — he had staid to home that day to help his father. And ] went on with a serene face a makin' my pre- parations. Josiah didn't hardly take his eyes ofTof my face, as I made 'em. He sot in a dejected way, a claspin' the World in hia two hands, with a sad look onto his face. He hated to think of my leavin' him, and goin' off on a tower. I see he did, and I say* to him in a real affectionate tone, " Josiah, haint there nothin' I can do fot you in New York, haint you got any errand* to the village ? " He rubbed his bald head in deep thonghf for a minute or two, and then says he (li» thinks everything of the World), "Ths nigger barber's wife to Jonesville came pretty near ruunin' away with another iriggei mmmmmmmm 60 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. last night; if you have time I should love to have ^ou go to the Eiliter of the IVorfd and tell him of it. I am afraid," says he, and a gloomy, anxious look dverspread hia eye> brow, " I am afraid he haint heard of it." I answered him in a soothiu' tone, " That I guessed he had heard of it before now, I guessed it would be in the next week's IVorld," and Josiah kinder chirked up and went out to work. The next day I took ten pounds of butter, and 4 dozen of eggs, and Juaiah carried mo i'i to Jonesville to trade 'era oflF, to get {i I necessarys for me to wear on my tower. I % didn't begrech layin' out so muuh expense, neither did Josiah, for we both knew that as I was gettin' pretty well alone; in years, it wasn't likely I should ever go oflf on a tower agin. And then I had been prudent and equinomical all my days, and it wasn't no more than right that I should laanch out now in a liberal way. But all the time I was workin' over that butter, and all the time I was couiitin' out them eggs, Horace was in my mind. Hangin' such hopes on him as I hung, I felt that I must do somcthin' openly, to give veut to my patriotic feelin's in regard to him. I never had wore hats, for I felt that I was too old to wear 'em. But now as 1 was startin' off to Jonesville to get necessarys to wear on my mission to that great and e;ood Horace, I felt that principle called on me to come out opetdy, and wear a white hat with a feather. And I felt that Josiah as the husband of Josiah Allen's wife, and the carrier of her to get them necessarys, must also wear one. The father of Josiah had left to him, with other clothin', a large white fur hat. As the old gentleman hadn t wore it for some 40 or 50 years prior to and before his desease (he died when Thomas J. was a baby), it wasn't in the hight of fashion. But says I, " Josiah Allen, in the name of Horace and principle, will you wear that hat?" Says he, "I hate to like a dog, for they will think I have stole the Baptist steeple, and am wearin' it for a hat." Butt seein' my sad disappointed look, says he, '* If you say BO, Samantha, I will wear it for once." Says I M-ith dignity, " It is not your wife, formallv Samantha Smith, that says so, it is principle. " " Wall!" says he, "fetch it on." Josiah was awful clever to me, I guess it is natural for all men to conauct themselves cleverer when titey ar« about to lose their pardners for a spell. The hat teas big. I couldn't deny it. And Josiah bein' small, with no hair to fiHi it up, as I lifted it up with both hnnt^s aud set it onto him, his head went right up into it the brim takin' him right across the bottom of his uose. Says he, out from under the hat, "There hain't no use a talkin' Samantha, I can't never drive the old mare to Jonesville in this condition, blind as a bat." But I explained it to him, that by windin' a piller-case or somethm' round the top of his head, the hat would ht* on, jest as yea tix a small coik into a big bottle. So that bein' arrainged, my next thought was for my own hat, and I thought mourn- fully as I examined it, mine would be as much too small as his was too big ; it was an old one of Tirzah Ann's, it was pure white, but was small for her, and nobody could have got mo even to have tried it onto my head, for love or money. But in such a natureas J. Allen's wife's prhiciplea all in all. And as I looked in the glass and see how awfully I looked in it, a foelin' of grandeur — self sacriticin nobility and patriotism swell- ed up in me, and made my face look redder than ever, I am naturally very freah colour- ed. And I felt that for the sake of Horace and principle, I could endure the burnin' sun, and mebby the scoffs and sneers of Jonesville, they bein' most all on the side of Grant. I took a old white silk bunnet linin' of mine, and put a new bindin' round the edge, it bein' formally bound with pink. And then after readiu' a chapter in Foxes Book of Martyrs — a soul stirrin' chapter, concernin' them that was biled in oil and baked on gridirens for principle — I sallied out to get a feather to put onto it. We hadn't no white feathers by us, and I shouldn't have felt like runnin' Josiah into any extra expense to buy one, if there had been a feather store in the door yard. But our old rooster " Hail the Day," as Thomas Jefferson calls him, had the most curlin'est and foamin'est tail feathers you ever see, white as snow. And inspired by the most pure and noble and lofty sentiments that can animate a human breast, I chased up that old rooster for nigh onto half an hour. At last I cornered him behind the barn, and as I held him tight to my breast, and pulled out by main strength two long slim feathers, that quirlcd and waved in a iuvitin' manner, 1 says to him, "This is hard for you, old Hail the Day. But you are not the rooster I take you to be, you are not like your mistress, if you are not willin' to suffer in the cause of Right. He flopped his wini<3 when I let him go, and crowed nobly. I tired the feathers in and we set out. But I was more scairt than hurt in the line of scoffs. As we went into Jonesville, not a scoff did I sae — not a sin- ale scoff. No ! ttitty all smiled .'•s thdv ^ru88 the "There I can't He in this y windin' e top of b as ycu b thought it mourn- ild be M it was an ire white, dy could onto my 1 such a 3 is all in I see hoTf grandeur ism swell- cik redder sh colour- f Horace e burnia' meers of he side of met linin' round the ith pink, in Foxes chapter, in oil and -I sallied as, and I }^iah into there had ird. But 3 Thomas curlin'est ever see, the most ants that based up an hour. barn, and nd pulled feathers, manner, the Day. ,rou to be, if you are Right. t him go, aathers iu sairt than went into ot a sin- .^s th«y GOVERNED BY PRINCIPLES. 61 looked at us, they see the power of princi- Ele, and they was proud of us. Some of 'em lunhed, they admired us so. We drove up to the store and I went in with my butter and eggs, Joniah havin' busi- ness to the blacksmith's. The clerk looked at me, and he smiled, and says he, " I see you are for Horace Greeley." He almost snickered, but he checked himself, looked me.tchin, as he see my keen gray eye fixed on his hat which ho had on, it was a kind of a mice coler, no prmciple shone on it of any kind. "Yes," says I, "I am for Horace," and •gin I looked keenly and searchin'ly at thsit hat, and says 1, ''Be you on either side or be you on the fence ?" " Wall," says he, "I am kinder on the fence at the present time. But I didn't get up there because I am a coward. I got up there through policy; when you are on the fence you hain't a steppin' on the feet of either party. It ia a safe place, and it is a sightly J lace, you can see better than you can on the ground." "When do you calculate to get ofif ?" says I. "Oh, right after 'lection,' says ho. "I ■hall get off on the side that beats." I see here was a chance for me to do good and says I, " Young man, ridin' a fence never carried any man or woman into nobility or honour," Bays I, " you may saddle and bridle a fence with all the velvet cushioned caution, and silver mounted excuses, and shinin' policy you are a mind to, but you never could get Josiah Allen's wife on to it, she had ruther walk afoot," says I, "them brave warriors that go canterin' doun life's battle field, leadiu' on the forlorn hope in the cause of Right, don't go ridin' a fence." He looked stricken, and I asked him in a milder tone to look at his green braige for viels. He took off that hat and threw it doun behind the counter, and brought out the braige, and I bought right there on the spot a yard and a quarter of it. I then bought a pair of new cotton gloves, a good sized umbrella, a pair of morocco shoes, a pair of pink elastic garters, and two as good stockius as JonesvilTe afforded, and butter would pay for. I hain't one to flounce the outside of the platter, and let the inside go bony and ragged. I hain't no opinion of wolves on the cmtside, and sheep on the in- side, I want to be sheep clear to the bone, in dress as well as principle. Wall, who should come into the store, jest as I was examinin' the green braige through my spectacles, but Betsy Bobbet. My pur- chases lay all round me on the counter, and Bays she, "Josiah Allen's wife, what means this | extravagant outlay of expenditure?" Says I, as cuully as if I went there erery mornin' before break fast. " I am a goin' to New York Tillage on a tower. " She fairly screamed out, " What a eo* incidence ! Says I, calmly, " It hain't no such thing, it is green braige for a viel. It is 75 cents a yard." " You do not understand me, Josiah Al- len's wife," says she. "I mean that it is so singulah and coinciding that I am goin' thcah too. Cousin Mcliudy, she that mar- ried Ebenezah Williams, is just goin' with the consumption. And I felt that duty was a drawin' of me theah. As I told motheh, in case of anything's happenin', in case that Melindy should expiah, how sweet and soothin' it would be to Ebenezah to have somebody theah, that '?ould feel for him. It would about kill Ebenezah to lose Melindy, and I feel that it would be so sweet and com- fortin' for him to have somebody on hand to lean on ;" she smiled sweetly as she continu- ed, "there is almost a certainty that Melin* dy is about to be took from our aching hearts. But I fall back on the scripture, and on my duty, and try to feel as if 1 could give her up. When do you start ?" "Thursday mornin'," says I in a tone as cold as a grindstone in January, for I see what was before me. She clasped her two hands and smiled on me two times, and cried out agin, "Oh, what auotheh coincidence I jest the day I was in- tending to embark. Oh," says she, "how sweet it will be for you to have a congenial companion on the way, as the poet Robinson Selkirk sweetly singeth, "Oh solitude, where are the charms Mr. Sage hath seen iu thy face f Don't you say so, Josiah Allen's wife T" " I respect Mr. Sage," says I, "he is a man I admire, and Mr. Selkirk don't know beans," and I added in frigid tones, "when the bag is untied. " I see that my emotions was a gettin' the better of me, I see my principals was a totterin'. I recollected that I was a member of a Methodist meetin' house, and the words of a him come back to me, with a slight change in 'em to suit the occasion. "Shall I be carried to New Tork On floury bags of ease f I turned and shouldered my cross. " Betsy we will set sail together Thursday mornin'." I then turned silently and left the store, for I felt that any further effort would have been too much for me. Thursday mornin' found me to the depott in £rood season. Betsy also was on time. I didn't feel haughtv nor at all proud, but then 63 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S I felt that I was a independent houaeholder atartin' to New York village on a toner at mv own expeoae. X see that all the car folka felt friendly towards me for thier was a fileasant smile on their faces every time they ooked at roe and Betsy. I wasn't trimmed off so mnch as Betsy,but I looked welL I had on that good calico dress, a large black silk mantilly, a good shirred silk bunnet Urge enough to shademy face some, my bran now cotton gloves, my veil and my umbrell. Betsy, I always thought put on too much to^ look well, how- somever everybody to their own mind. She had on a pale blue parmetta dress, with flounces and puckers onto it, a overskirtand a greek bender of the same, trimmed with checkered delain, cut on biasin', a close flttiu' bask of the delain, which was pink and yellow plaid and which was pinked out on the edge with a machine. She had on a white bobbinet lace hat, jest big enough to oover her bump of self-esteem, trimmed with red and yellow roses and long ends of otter coloured riblxtn and white lace, then she had long cornelian ear rings, a string of beads round her neck, and a locket and a big blue breast-pin and a cornelian cross. A poir of new white cotton gloves, trimmed with two rows of broad white cotton edgin' five cents a yard — for I seen her buy it — and two horsehair oracelets. And with her new teeth and her long bran new tow curls, and waterfalls and frizzles all full of otter coloured rosettes, I tell you she looked gay. She says to me as she met my keen gaze. *< I don't know but what you think I am foolish Josiah Allen's wife, in enrobing my- self in my best a coming on the road. But these are my sentiments. I knew we should get theah before night, and I should proceed at once to Ebinezah's, and if any thing should be a happening, if it should be the house of mourning, I thought it would be so com- forting to Ebinczah, to see me looking beautiful and cheerful. You know theah is everything in first impressions, " I mean of course," she added hastily, " that I am that sorry for poor lonely widdowers and especially Ebinezah, that if I could be a comfort to thom, I would be willing to sacri- fice a tablespoonful of my heart's best blood, much moah this blue parmetta dress. These are my sentiments Josiah Allen's wife." Says I coldly, "I should know they was yours, Betsy, 1 should know they was yours, if I should meet 'em in my porridee dish." But the time drew near for the cars to bear me away from Josiah, and I began to feel bad. I don't believe in husbands and wires partiu' away from each other, one hvin' in Europe, and one in New York village, one in Wall-street, and the other on a Long Branch, one in Boston, and the other in North America. As the poet truly ob- serves, " When the oat is away the mice's will go to play in'." As for me, I want my husband Josiah where I can lay my hand on him any time, day or night. I know then what he is about. Though so far as jealousy is concerned, Bunker Hill monument, and Plymouth Rock would be jest as likely to go fiirtin' and cuttiu' up, as either of us. We have almost c&st iron confidence in each other. But still it is a sweet satisfy in' thought to know jest where your consort is, and what he is about, from hour to hour. Josiah and me didn'li shed no tears as we each of us parted, though our hearts ached with auuuish we both of us felt it our duty to be calm. I felt a tearrisi.V to my eye, but with a almost fearful effort I choked it back and said in low accents as we grasped holt of each others hands at partiu', "Good by, Josiah, remember to feed the hens, and keep the suUer door shet up." He too struggled nobly for composure and conqured, and in a voice of marble calm he said, " Good by, Samantha, dont spend no more money than is necessary. " The Ingin hitched to the front car give a wild yell, as if he felt our two woes — Joaiah'a and mine — and we parted for the first time in goiu' on fifteen years. As I sunk back on the wooden bottomed car seat, perfectly onmaniied by my efforts at oommadiu' myself, for the first time I felt regret at my wild and perilous undertakin'. MEETING GRANT AND COLFAX- We had to change cars about noon, as we went into the depot to get our tickets, the ticket man looked so kinder lonesome stuck in there alone, for all the world as if he had done somethiu' and his mother had shet him up, that I thought I would make a little talk with him. He favoured Celestine Wilkins'es husband considerable, just such a meachin' lookin- feller, and I knew Celestiue's husband liad a brother down this way somewhere, and so to kinder open a conversation with him, I asked him " If ho ever had any relation that married a girl by the name of Gowdey !" You ought to have heard how that fclUr snap|)eo big that we always keep 'em for our own use." Says I, "it makes me proud and happy to think I am the owner of that hen, for if it hadn't been for them eggs, I never should have felt so well acquainted with you. If it hadn't been for them eggs that broke onto your good and honoured face, I never should have had the privilege of graspin' holt of your hand and sayin' to you what I now sa^, that though goodness and patience and faithfulness may be made li^ht of by some, they are jest what is goin' to carry Uncle Sam triumphant onward, with a smilin' face, when the egg shells of uncivil war bl-eak on his honest face, thier yelks run down into bis whiskers." Heremy feelinsalmostovercamemeagin, and as he smiled at me, and spoke kinder pleasant to me — ind smiled agin, I turned silently away and grasped holt of General Grant'ses hand, and says I, in still more chokin' ao- cents— " Ulysses this is a proud day for Josiah Allen's wife," says I, " Ulysses how do you do?" He di(ln't say nothin' but nodded kinder pleasant to me, and I says in the same tremblin' tones for I knew he thought every thing of his relations. "How is Mr. Dents - es folks, are they all enjoying good health ?" He nodded agin kinder pleaRaut but didn't say a word, and I proceeded on — "Ulysses you have freed the land from war and bloodshed. Wherever the smoke of that peaceful cigar has smoked, it has drove before it the Wood red cloud of >var and treason." But says I, "that hain't the main reason why I thought you ought to be Presi- dent, and so I have told Josiah. I have said to Josiah more'n a hundred times that any man or woman ought to be President that knew enough not to talk when they hadn't nothin' to say. But — " says I, for even in that wrapped moment stern principle was the guide of J. Allen's '*■ when you was run up fo time ; I go now ._r J does Josiah." There hain about Ulyssei: ant, li* mite, he noddt to mc eve', and after invitii name of Josiah, to mak us whenever they come ^d« dn't '; was le Hrst Mad 80 envious t mad a gin as friendly as them both in the ', thier home with to Jonesville, and sendin' my best respects to Julia and Mr. Dents'es folks, and Skylers'es wife EUiner, I retired to my seat and sot down. When Betsy discovered who I had be ta!kin' wi«b, she looked wild at the thought, MEETING OR\NT AND COLFAX. 65 but it didn't rouRO in her, the Bpontauinus emotions of patriotism it did in me. If a barell has been tillud up with rain water,you oan't expect to tap it and have it run strung buer. When any suddun circumstance taps folks'es minds, they will run out of 'em jest what they have been tilled with, no moro,no less. My mind wan that til led with noble emotions of admiration and patriotism, that I entirely forgot for the minute that I was J. Allen's wife from Jonesvillo. But Uetsy all the while remembered B. Bobbet, she also remembered her poetry. I don't believe a few earth(iuakes could miiku her forf^et that, her first words was after she recovered her- self, "I will make General Grant, that deah, sweet man, a present. Everybody does, that wants to get onto the right side of him. I will give him apiece of my {>oetry. I( I re- member rightly I have got one in my s.-itchel bag, all printed out, with a running vino around the edges. There is 45 verses of it, and it is on the war. How fortunate that I brought it along." And as she dove her hands into her satchel bag, she continued dreamily, " Mebby he is that liberal and generous turn with his own folks, that after he has read it, he will give it to some of his wife's relations. Mebby there is a few widowehs among them," and then in a still more dreamy tone she murmured, " Betsy B. Dent, Washington, D.C." But anon or a little after, she roused out of this revery and and takin' the poetry in her hand, she started down the car, and I bein' tired, leaned my head back against the side of the seat, and composed myself together. I guess I had most got into a nap, when I heard a loud wrathful, eloquent voice, seem- in'ly makin' a speech to some enimy. It started me up so that I rose right up onto my feet, and looked round, and there was that noble General, standi n' up with his hands extended, layin' it down strong and decided. I knew what it was in ^ a minute, Betsy Bobbet had done what a five years un- civil war couldn't do, nor a admirin' nation of 20 million souls. She had got him to makin' a speech, while Skyler who had smiled stidely for upwards of 40 years, stood lookin' on with a dark and awfully gloomy frown onto him. I stood silent for some time lost in the sorrowful feelin's the scene culled forth, and then almost overcome with my pity for them, I wended my way towards them. As I drew nearer to them, I heard his words which he was pourin' out so eloquently and fluently, ** Let us ' ave peace, Can't we have peace?" he was yuiin' in such harrow'r ' tones, that there wasn't hardly a dry eye in my head as I listened. "Have I escaped from the horrible danger of war, have I survived tbe«opcn bullets of my enimies, and the well moanin' but almost fatal arrows of my fri'^nds, to ex pier in this way? To perish by poetry? Is there no sucker for ne? Can't wo have peace?" he screamed in a loud prenchin' tonn as he ketched sight of me, ''Can't we have it, »ayf" He was almost delerions. But I laid my hand on his agitated elbow, and says I in soothin' tones, " Yes, Ulysses, you shall have a piece, you shall, Josiah Allen s wife shall see to it, you shall have a piece." And then I leaned down and whinpered a few words into Becsy Bobbet's left ear, and she turned quicker'n a flash, and sathered up her poetry and rushed into the forward car. As she disappeared, Skyler'ses face changed from that gloomy sinister frown, and .ngin ho put on that smile that was upwards of 40 years oU, but was still so sweet and fresh that I knew it was good for another 40 years — and the General grasped me by the baud say in', in agitated tones, "There was upwards of 50 of 'em, and she would read 'em." Says I soothingly, "I wouldn't think of it, Ulysses, it is all over now. I was glad to show tl.a gratitude the nation owes to you. I was glad of the chance to liefriend you." "Angel!' says he almost warmly. But I interrupted him by sayin' in a tone of dignity. " I honour and respect you deeply Ulysees — but in the two names of Julia and Josiah, I must forbid you calliu' me angel, or any other pet name. " I knew it was only his deep gratitude to me for rescuin' him from his peril that made him say it, for he and Julia think the world of each othjr. And the good solid prin- ciples, coloured and morally struck in with tan bark in his early life, the muddy waters of political life hain't been able to wash out, nor the gilt tinsel of fashionable life to cover up and destroy. I knew that even there in Washington Avenue, among all the big men there, he loved his wife, jest as much as if it was the fashion to love 'em. I knew all this, but still I felt that I must speak as I did, for principle with J. Allen's wife — as I have remarked more formally — is all in all. I then turned and followed Betsy, nof" knowin' but what she would be a uomir back. What I whispered in her left e&r wa this, that her back hair was comin' down, and she bein' so bald, J Vaevr it would fetch her down like a arrow in her breast. Ihey left at the next Station House, and ^"aMB* ^m m MY OPINTOXS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. Betsy and me proceeded onwards to New York village with no farther coinoideuces. AT NEW YOlfiK,ASTERS'ES TAVERN. The oars didn't bust up nor break down, which surprised me some, but which I felt ^vas indeoda blessin', and at ^ past six Betsy and me stood on the platform of the depott Ht New York village. As we stood there I would have swapped my last new cross barred muslin night cap in my satchel bag on my arm for a pair of iron ears. I should have been glad oi the loan of a old pair for 16 seconds, if I couldn't got 'era no longer, the noise was so diatractin' and awful. Says I to myself, "Am I Josiah Allen's wife, or am I not?" some of the time I thought I was Josiah, I was so destracted. But though inwardly so tosted up and down, I kep a cool demeaniour outside of me. I stood stun still, firmly graspin' my satchel bag, my umberell and my green cap box — with my best head dress in it, till I had collected myself together, recolected what my name was, and where I was a go n'. When my senses come back I thought to myself truly Josiah wasn't so far out of the way when he worried over old Tammany, for of all the shameless and brazen set, on tlie face of the earth, that set a howlin' i"iud Petsy Bobbet and me was the t^i, nelessest and brazencst. Now I am naturally pretty offish and retirin' in mjj^ ways, with strange men folks. I think it is becomin' in a woman to be so, instead of bold. Now when we sot sail from Jonesville, after we got well to ridin', a man came through the cars, a perfect stranger to me, but he reached out his hand to shake hands with me, jest as friendly and famelier as if I was his step mother. But I didn't ketch holt of his hand, as some winimen would, I jest folded up my arms, and says I, cooly, " You have got the advantage of me.'' But he never took the hint, there he stood stun still in front of me holdiu out his hand. And seein' there was a lot of folks lookin' on, and not wantin' to act odd, I kinder took holt of his hand and shook it slightly, but at the same time says, " Who under the sun you are I don't know — but you seem determined to get acquainted with me. Mebby you are some of his folks I haint nevei seen— are you re- iatea to Josiah on the Allen side or on the r^agget side!" Josiah's mother was a Daggett. But before I could say any more he spoke lip said all he wanted was my ticket. I was il'ad then 1 had acted offish. For as I t%y, I don't believe in wiuimeu puttin' themselves forward and actin' bold. Not that that stands in the way of their niodistly claimiii' their honest rights. I have seen enough boldness used by a passel of girls at one huskiu' bee, or apple cut, to supply 4 pre- sedential elections, and the same number of female caukusses, and then 1) or 6 babkets full left. Havin' these modest and reserved feelina' in my soul — as firm as firm iron — what was my feelins' as I stood there on that platform, when a great tall villian walked up to me and yelled right up closw to my bunnet, " Will you have a bus mom T" If that man had the privilege of livin' several hundred years, he would say at the last hundred, that he never forgot the look I gave him as he uttered these infamous M'ords to me. It was a look calculated and designed to make a man sigh for some small knot boh) to creep through and hide him from the gaze of wimmen. I'll bet two cents that he wont insult another women in that way very soon. I give him a piece of my mind that he wont forget in a hurry. I told him plainly, "That if wasn't a married women and a Methodist, and was free to kiss who I was a mind to, I had jest as lives kiss a anacondy, or a boy- constructor, as him," and I says in conclusion, "mebby you think because Josiah hain't here to protect me, you can talk to me as you are a mind to. But, says I, "if I hain't got Josiah with me I have got a good stout umberell," He quailed silently, and while he was a quailin' I turned to Betsy, and asked her if she was ready to start along, for as true as I live and breathe,! was afraid Betsy was so of that clingin' turn, that she would be a kissen' some of them men in spite of my teeth, for thier was a lot of 'em besettin' her for a bus. A yellin' round her " have a bus ? Have a bus ?" Jest as if that was jest what Betsy and me had come from Jonesville for. The miserable — lowlivMi creeters. Betsy seemed to kinder hate to go, but I started her off, For no burdock bur cer stuck to a horse's mane,as Josiah Allen's wife sticks to a companion, a drawin' 'em along with her in T.he cause of Right. As we wended our way along, walkiu' afoot, she wanted to know what tavern 1 was goin' to put up to, and I told her, "Mr. and Miss Asters'es tavern." Says she. "If it was not jest as it was, I would ask you to go to cous- in Ebenezah's with me. But in the future it may be I shall be freer to act, than I Iw now. If I was a married female and had a home of my own heah, how happy I should be to welcome Jonesville to its blessed pi-e* sincts. As dear Tuppah observes — " But I interrupted her by say in' cooly, ) but I e"er 8 wife aktng As we t, she oin' to Miss as not C0U8- future had a ihould cooly, AT NEV YOJEIK. ASTERSES TAVERN. 67 ) "Betsy, I have made up my mind to put up to Mr. Aaters'es, for Johnothati Beans'ua ex- wife, Josiah's 2nd cousin, is Miss Aster'ses hired girL" " Is she a widow T" says Betsy. " She does a little in that line," s&ys I in a cautious tone. "She is a vegetable widow. " I wasn't goin' to say "grass widow " right out, though she is clear grass. For her hus- band, Johnothan Beau, run away with an- other woman 3 years ago this comin' fall. It was all printed out in the World at the time. At that very minute we turned on to Broad- way, and Betsy was a sailin' on ahead of me in gay spirits, a laughin' and a talkin', and a quotin' Tupper, jest as happy as you please. But as we turned the corner, I stopped her by ketchin' holt of her Greek bender, and says I, "I'd have a little respect into me, Betsy Bobbet," says I. "Less stand still here, till the funeral procession goes by." So we put a funeral look onto our faces, and stood still a spell, and they streamed by. I thought my soul there was no end to the mourners. It seems as if we stood there de- cently and in order, with a solemn look onto our faces, becomin' the solemn occasion, for pretty nigh ^ an hour. Finally I whispered to Betsy, and says I, "Betsy, did you ever see such a gang of mourners in your life T" I see her eyes looked kinder sot in her head, and she seemed to be not really sensjn' what I said. She looked strange. Finally says she, "It is a sorrow- ful t ime, I am composin' a funeral owed, and 1 will repeat it to you soon." I wanted to get her mind offen that idee, and I continued on a talkin', "It must some awful big man that is dead. , Like as not it is the Governor of the United States or some deacon or other. Do see 'em stringin' along. But how some of the mourners are a behavin', and how gay some of the wimmen are dressed. If I had known there was goin' to be a funeral in the village, while I was here, some of the mourners might have had my black bomba- zeen dress, and my crape viel jest as well as not. I always make a practice of leudin' 'em on funeral occasions." Jest then a little boy came sailin' by, with a segar in his mouth almost as big as he was. And I ketched holt of him, and whispered to him, "Bub who is dead? "says I, *'b« you one of the mourners T '* " Yes, old lady," says he, in a impudent tone, "I am out on a short mourn." If it hadn't been for the mournful occasion, and for gettin' offen my dignity, I would have spanked him, then and ^tkere ; he laughed so impudent at me. But I let him eo on, and then took out my snowy 25 cent linen handkerchief and wiped off my heated face, and says I to Betsy, " I am worn out ; there hain't no end to this procession seemin'ly, we may as well go on, for I am beat out, we shall act as well as some of the mourners do any way, if we do walk on." So we wended on. Betsy's cousiri. lived not a great ways from Miss As- ters 'ea, only it w»'j down a little ways, another street, up over a score. I told her "I guessed I wouldn't climb up them gro- cery stairs; I was so tuckered out, and then Miss Aster would most probably have sup- Eer about ready, and I didn't want to have er fuss to set the table over for me, op steep her tea over, aud I felt that a cup of tea I must have. " I was kinder dreadin' goin' in alone, not bein' acquainted with Miss Aster, and I don't know when I have been tickelder, than I was to meet Jonothan Beana'es ex-wife, right on the sidewalk. She was glad to see me too, for I befriended her when she first went to grass, (as it was) I took her right in for three weeks, and give her 2 pair of seam- ed stockin's, and a lot of other things for her comfort. She went right back with me. Of all the big houses I ever see, Mr. Asters'es house beats everything. I was determined not to act green and be a askin' questions, and so I didn't say a word. But I spose from • the size ef it, that Mr. Aster lets part of it for meetin' houses, and mebby they have a few select schools in it, and a few lunatick asyl- ums, I should think they would need 'em, such a noise. But I didn t say a word. Jonothan Beans'es ex -wife told me I must put my name down on the Register before I went to my room, I didn't object, nor I didn't ask no questions, but I kep a pretty food look out. "Registerl" I knew I had heard somethin' that sounded like that, connected with deeds, but I wasn't goin' to sign away my property. I didn't know as it was so, but I did have my thoughts, that mebby somebody had told 'em I wai comin' to the village, and they was tryin' to get me to sign away my thirds, there is so much iniquity in the world. But I kep my thoughts to myself, and kep my eyes open. I jest looked over the dook prethy sharp, before I put my name down, and I see it was all right. My room was on the 5th story, and I told J. Beans'es ex-wife that how I was goin' to ol'mh up them stairs I didn't know, I was so tuckered out. I was sorry the minute I naid it, for I was afraid she would go and tell Miss Aster, and Miss Aster would jjive up her bedroom to mo, or mebby she would make Mr. Aster sleep witii ■PMII 68 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. h one of the boys, and have me sleep with her, and I wouldn't have her put herself out for the world. And I spoke up and says I, " I guess I can weather it some way." And she spoke up and savs she, " Here is the elevater, be carried up. Tliere was a big nigger comin' right to- wards us, and I thought she meant him, for they have been called such funny names ever since the war, that I thought likely " Eleva- ter " was one of 'em. But I jest put my foot right doun at once, says I firmly, " I haint a goin' to be lugged up-stairs by that nigger." And then I was so afraid that he would he^r it, and it would hurt his feelin's, that I spoke right up pretty loud, and says I, "It haint on account of the gentleman's dark complexion at all, that I object. But I don't think Josiah would like it, to have any other man carryin' me round in his arms." But Johnothan Beans'es ex-wife explained it to me. There was a little room about as big as our smoke house, all fixed off neat as a pin, and all we had to do was to get in, and then we was histed right up in front of our room. I was awful glad to be carried up, but I have got some pity left into me, and I Bays to her, says I, " Haint it awful hard for the man that is drawin' us up ? " says I, " Is it Mr. Aster, or is it his hired man?" and says I, "does he do it with a windlass, like a, well bucket? or hand over hand, like drawin' up water out of a cistern with a pole ? " Johnothan Beans'es ex-wife said it was done by machinery, and she said, for I asked her the first thing, " That there wasn't no funeral, that there was jest such a crowd every day." I didn't believe her, but I was too beat out to contend. And glad enough was I to streach my wearjr limbs in a rockin' chair. J. Beans'es ex-wife said she would fetch me up a cup of tea, and my supper to me. She haint forgot the past. She told me when she left me that night, to be dreadful careful about the gass, and not blow it out; she told me jest how it was done, and I'll bet Mrs. Aster herself couldn't do it any neater, for I thought of Josiah, and the thought of that man nerved me to do it ri^ht, so as not to die and leave him a gass widower, and a lonely man. When I waked up in the momin' such a noise as I heard. Why, I have thought sometimes when I was sleepy, that cnr old rooster "Hail the Day" makes an awful sight of noise. But good land ! if all the roosters in the United States and Boston had loosted ' right under my window, they couldn't have begun with it. My first thought as Ilea*.-*' ■ but of bed was, "Joneaville is atre." Then j recollectin' myself, I grew calmer, an thought mebby Miss Aster had got breakfast ready, and was a hoUerm' to me. And growin, still more composed, I gin up that the tramplin' and hoUerin' was doun in the street. As I dressed me, I lay out my work for the day; thinks'es I, "Betsy Bobbet will be so took up with her mission to her cousin Ebenezer's, that I shall be rid of her. " It was a sweet thought to me, and I smiled as I thought of it. But alas 1 as the poet well observes, "How little we know what is ahead of us." Thinks'es I as I turned the screw and let the water outen the side of the house to wash me, (Johnothan Beans'es ex- wife had showed me how the night before, ) I must do all I can this day in the cause of Right. If I get that distracted here that I am threatened with luny, and have to leave before my time comes, I will go where duty calls me first and most. I should have been glad to have looked round the village, and got acquainted with some of Miss Aster'ses neighbours, but though I felt that the neigbourin' wimmen might think that I was real uppish and proud sperited, still I felt that I could better stand this importation than to desert the cause of Eight for i a minute. I felt that Horace, although nearly perfect in every otherrespect, needed Josiah Allen's wife's influence on a subject dear to that female's heart. And I felt that that deluded Miss WoodhuU needed a true and pure principled female to shov her plainly where she she stood. Then I laid out to go to Isabella Beecher Hooker'ses. And the time was short, I knew with every fresh roar of dcFtraction that come up from the street below, that the time of my stay in that village was short. I was so almost lost in these thoughts that I didn't see how late it was gettin'. I had overslept myself in the first place, bein' so tuckered out the night before, and thinks'es I all of a sudden, "What will Miss Aster think, my keepin' her from eatin' her breakfast so long?" . But inwardly my mind was some composed by thinkin' it was'priuciple that had belated me. So I sailed doun stairs. I had put on my best clothes, my headdress looked foam^ in , my overskirt stood out noble round my form. And it was with a peaceful mind though some destracted by the noise, that J wended my way to the breakfast table. But instead of all of us a settin' to one table with Miss Aster to the head, a ponrin out tea, there was, I'll bet, more'n a hun- dred little tables, with folks settin' round 'em, a eatin', and waiters a goin' all round amongbt 'em, a waitin' on 'em. And every man waiter had got on one of his wives white bib aprons. Thinks'es 1 to myself, what a tussle I shduld have with Josiah, to •, NEW YORK, AT ASTERS'ES TAVERN. ,69 pounn a hun- round round every wives myself, liab, to get him to wear one of my aprons round the house when I had compaTiy ; he is awful sot aginst weariu' aprons, it is all I can do to get one on to him when he ia churnin'. Johnothan Bmns'&i ex- wife kecched my eye, as I went in, and she came and sot me me doun to a little table where there wasn't nobody- And then she was drawed oflF by somebody and left me alone. And I spoke out loud to myself, " I'd like to know what I'm goin' to eat, unless I lay to and eat stun china and glass ware." And ketchin' sight of the pepper box, I exclaimed almost convulsively, "I never was muoh of a hand to eat clear pepper, and nothin' else." A nigeer come up to me at this minute, and said somethin' in a frenchitied accent about a cart bein' on my plate, or somethin' about a cart, and I see in a minute that he wanted to make out — because I come from the country — that I wanted a cart load of vittles. I don't know when I have been madder. Says I, " You impudent creeter, you think be- cause I am from the country, and Josiah haint with me, that you can impose upon me. Talk to me, will you, about my want- in' a cart load of vittles ? I should be glad," says I, in a sarcastic tone, "I should be glad to get somethin' a little more nourish- in' than a three tined fork and a towel to eat, but I don t seem to run much chance of gettin' on it here." Before he had tiipe to say anything, J. Beans'es ex-wife came up, and said some- thin' to me about lookin' at "Bill the Fair." I looked doun on the table, and noticed then for the Hrst time that there was a piece of poetry layin' there, seemin'ly cut out of some newspaper, I sea that she wanted me to read it, but I told her, "That I wasn't much of a hand for poetry anyway, and Betsy Bobbet wrote so much that it made me fairly sick of it," and besides, says I, "I left my specks up stairs. I forgot 'em till I got most down here." But jest then I happened to think, mebby she had wrote it herself, I don't want to hurt nobody's feelin's, and says I, in a pleasant tone, " I presume 'Bill the Fare,' is a good piece of poetry, and if you hain't no ob- jection, I will take it home with me, and put it into Tirzah Ann's scrap book." She started off before I fairly got through speakin', and I folded up the poetry and put it into my pocket, and in a minute's time back she came with some tirst-rate vittles. She knows what I like jest as well as I do, havin' lived with us a spell, as I said, when she first went to g. ass. She knows jest what a case I am for store tea; but she asked me what kind of tea I wanted, and I spoka right out before I thought, " Anything but sage tea, I can't bear that, " But then I happened to think I see they was all a drinkin coffee round me, I knew they was by the smell. And I thought mebby from her speakin' to me in that way that she meant to give me a little hint that Miss Aster was out of store tea, and says I, kinder loud, for she had started off, "If Miss Aster is short on it for store tea, she needn't fuss for me, she needn't borry any on my account, I can drink sage tea if I set out to." But I thought to myself, that I had rather have brought a drawin' of tea iu my pocket clear from Jonesville, than to have gone without it; while I was jest thinkin' this, Johnothan Beans'es ex-wife came back with a first-rate cup of tea, strong enough to bear up a egg. The more I looked round and see the droves of hungry folks, the sorrier I felt for Miss Aster. And I spoke to J. Beans'es ex. wife as she brought me my last vittles, says I, "If there is a woman on the face of the hull earth I am sorry for, ic is Miss Aster, how on earth can she. ever cook enough to fill this drove of folks ? " says I, " how can she ever stand up uuder it ? " And carried almost away with my sympathy, I says to Jonothan Beans'es ex-wife, " You tell Miss Aster from me that she needn't make no fuss about the dinner at all, I will eat a picked up dinner, I had jest as lives as not, I didn't come down here to put her out and make her any trouble. " I heard a little noise to one side of me, and I looked round and there was a feller and two girls a snickerin' and laughin', right at me. They were rigged out awful fashion- able, but I guess their brains had run to their hair mostly, the girls on their heads, and hisen on his face, such sights of it. But I don't believe they was very well off, for every one of 'em had broke one eye off'en their spectacles, and they lifted up that one eye, and looked at me through it, a laughin' at the same time as if they would split. But it didn't put me out a bit, I glared back at 'em, as sharp as they did at mo, and says I, " Laugh away if you want to, I know what it is to cook over a hot cook stove in the summer time, it tuckers anyltody out, even if they have got good help, and I am sorry for Miss Aster. " They snickered worse than ever, and I got mad, and says I, " I don't wonder you laugh t there haint no more pity and humanity in the whole lot on you. tnan there is in a three tined pitch- fork, and no wonder when you see some- body that has got a little pity and gei erasity 70 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. m : I. }■ into 'em, it is more of a amusemeat and noveltv to you than a circus would be. As I said this, I rose up in almost fearful dignity, and sailed away from the table up to my room. As I opened the door I heard a dreadful curious noise, a kind of a gurglin' gushin' sound, and when I opened the door, of all the freshets I ever see, I had forgot to turn back the little screw, and the water was a gushin' out all over. Jonothen Beans'es ex- wife, happened to come along jest then, and then she sent up a nigger with a mop, and a lot of cloths, and I turned to, and helped him, she told me not to, but says I, " Josiah Allen's wife haint one to shirk when there is work to do," and says I, " you tell Miss Aster, after I get through here, I had just as lives come down and help her wash up the breakfast dishes as not," says I, lookin' thoughtfully at my overskirt, I don't really want to put my hands into the dish water on account of my dress, but I had jest as lives wipe 'em out as not." But J. Bean'es ex-wife said there wasn't no need of my helpin', and so after I got my room all slicked up and my bed made (she told me to leave my bed, but I wusn't goin' to act so slack) I sot down a minute to rest, before I set sail in the cause of Right. I was jest a thinkin' that Betsy Bobbet was safe in the house of mournin', and there was a sweet and satisfied smile on my face, as I thought it, when all of a sudden the door opened, and in she walked. My heart sunk Eretty near ^ an inch. But I ketched olt of my principles, and says I, "What is the matter, Betsy?" For she looked as if she had been cryin' her eyes out. "Is your cousin no more? has Ebineezah suicided himself ?" " No moah !" says she in a indignant tone. " She is gettin' well, and Ebineezah is as happy ad a king about it, she has been takin' rodliveh oil, and " Cherry Pectorial, " and they have cured her, I hate Cherry Pectorial and cod liveh oil, they are nasty stuffs. " Says I, in a insinuatin' tone, "you are goin' back there haint you ?" "No!" says she indignantly, "I wont stir a step back, they are so tickled about her gettin' bettah, that they don't use "ne with no respect at all." And there w»' % tear in her eye as she added in sorrowml tones, " Ebineezah told me that if it hadn't been for that cod liveh oil, he should have been a widowah, and a lonely man to-day. No !" says she takin' ofi' her hat and throw- in' it in a a»gry fierce way onto the bed, " I won't stir a step back, I won't stay anotheh minute in the same house with cod liver oil, I perfectly despise it. " I see theie was no use a argain' with her, the arrow had struck too deep, I see my fate, Betsy had got to accompany me on my high and lofty mission. For a minute I thought wildly of escape, of gettin' her out of the room on some errent for a minute, and then tyin' the sheets together and lowerin' myself down from the winder. But better feehn's rose inside of me, Betsy was a human bein', I belonged to the meetin' house. All these nobler emotions tied up my tongue, I said nothin' but I turned and con- cluded the wild tumult of my feelin's, by takin' the gingham case ofiTen my umberell I was goin' to carry with me, and puttin' on my bunuet we started out for our promen> ade. MEET DR. MARY WALKER. No cambric needle ever had its eye sot any keener and firmer onto the North pole, than Josiah Allen's wife had her keen gray eye aimed at the good of the Human Bace, so I thought I would go and see Horace first. But Jonothan Beans'es ex-wife told me had gone away for the day, to some great rally in a neigbouiin' village. I didn't have the least idee what she meant by "rally," but I answered her in a bland way that " I hoped he would have good luck and get quite a mess of it," and then says I, "It won't make a mite of difference with me, I can go to Miss WoodhuUs'es first." Betsy was rampent to go to the Theatre, "Barnum's Amusement," and the "Centra of the Park," and some of the meetin' houses with big steeples, and other places of amusement. But I says to her as we wended our way on, "Betsy, these old bones of mine will repose in Jones- ville to-morrer night as, the poet sayeth, ' In my own delightful feather bed. ' And Betsy, they couldn't rest there, if they looked back and see that they didn't do all they could while here, for the advancement ©f the Race, and for improvin' of my own mind. Says I, "I didn t come to this vil- lage for vain pleasure, I have got a high mission to perform about, and a mind to improve upon. I thought we would jest run in a few minues to Miss Hookers'es, but the hired girl says to me at the door, says she, "Miss Hooker is engaged." I looked the hired girl full in the face, and says I, ' What of it, what if she is ?" Then, says the hired girl, " She hain't to home." Says I, " Why didn't you say so, in the first out, and not go to beatin' round the bush." Says I, for I was determined to do all the good I could to the Uuiuaa Race, MKET DR. MARV WALKER. 71 own Us vil- high \ad to few hired 8, and [n't to In the Id the ]to do (Race, "Miss Hooker is a first rate woman, and i hain't a hired girl's place to talk about her miatresa'es family matters and love affairs." When we got to Miss WoodhuUs'es we went up the front doorsteps, and I knocked to the door, Betsy says, " Ring the bell." Well, says I, " I hain't particular, hand it along." I thought mebby she had got one in her pocket, and wanted me to ring it to pass away the time, while we was standin' on the doorstep a waitin' for Miss Woodhull to come and open the door. But Betsy reached by me, and took holt of a little silver nub, by the side of the door, put there for a orniment, and pulled it. Says r, "Don't be so impatient Betsy. She'll be here in a minute, don't go to foolia' and teariu' the house down to pass away time." Jest at that minute a little black African came to the door, he looked impudent at us, and says he, " Miss Woodhull hain't to home," and he shet the door right in our faces. We was jest goin' down the doorsteps, when the door opened agin, and a little figger came out, that at the first view baffled me. Says I to myself, " Is it a man, or is it a woman ?" It had a woman's face, but a man's panta- loons. I was battled. But Josiah Allen's wife hain't one to cive up the ship while there is ^ a plank left. I was determined to get all the knowledge I could while on my tower. I was determined to get information on every deep and mysterious subject I could. And so I walked up to it, and, says I, in a low voice and polite as I could, for fear of hurtin' its feelins'. " Be you a man, sir ?" or a women, mora ?" It wasn't mad a bit, (I say it, for I didn't know then in what gender to put it.) It looked me so pleasant in the face, and yet so searohin'ly, that I was kinder flustrated, and, says I, in a kind of awe struck tone, I hope you won't be offended, I only ask for information. Be you a masculine, feme- nine or neutral gender ? ' I smiled agin, jest as pleasant as one of my glass jars of maple sugar, and then it opened its mouth and said, "I am Dr. Mary Walker." I don't know when I have been so tickled ; notbin' is sweeter than knowledge to the in- quirin'miml, when it has been baffled. Says I, " Mary I am glad to see you," and I gave her hand a shakin' that it looked red as a beet when I leggo. Says I, " I am gladder to see you than I would be to see any nephew or neice I have got in the world. I am as glad to see you as I would be to see any brother or sister of mine." Says she, "I can't recall your counten- ance. " Says I, "Mary, I am Josiah Allen's wife." " Oh 1" says she, "I have read yiur elo- quent orations on wimmin' havin' a right. I am happy to make your acquaintance." Then and there I introduced Betsy. Says she, "Did you call to see Miss Wood- hull ?" "Yes," says I, "I wanted to talk to her, for she is in the wrong, but she hain't to home." Says she, " she is to home, bnd you shall see her, a few friends of the cause, have met here to-day, but they are about all gone." She went right up the doorstep agin, and in- stead of knockiu', she ketched holt of that silver knob, that Betsy had been a foolin* with. Mary was so excited that she didn't really know what shti was about, or else she would have made some move towards gettin' in to the house. But it was jest as well, for that impudent faced little Black African happened to come to the door agin jest at the ri£;ht time. And she spoke up kinder sharp like, "Show these ladies into the parlour, they are friends of mine, and Miss Woodhull will be glad to see 'em." Ue looked as if he would sink, and I didn't care if be did, clear through to the suUer. I should have been glad to have seen him sunk. I looked severe at him after I had gripped Mary's hand, and parted with her. He held the door open awful polite, and in a kind of a apoligy way he murtered somethiu' about, " Sposin' Miss Woodhull was engage,'etlier to make such a pure sweet natui'e, such a broad charity, and such a intellect as hisen. Why, if the ques- tion had been put to me before I was born, whether I would be born his sister, or the twin sister of the queen of England, I'd ■ never give a second thought to Miss Victoria Albert, not but what I respect the Widder INTERVIEW WITH THEODORE AND VICTORY. 73 I Albert deeply, I think ehe is a real nice woman. But I had ruther be bia sister than to be the sister of twenty-one or twenty- two other kings. For he is a king not made by the layin' on of earthly hands, he is God's own annointed, and that is royalty that can't be upsot. So as I remarked I s'pose Isabella Beecher Hooker would have looked pretty good to me any way. The other lady was smart and sensible lookin', but she was some like me, and won't never be hung for her beauty. This was Susan B. Anthony. Betsy Bobbet sot down on a chair pretty nigh the door, but I had considerable talk with Supan. The other two was awful long discussin' some question with. Miss WoodhuU. Susan said in the course of her remarks that "she had made the 'Cause of Wim- men's Rights,' her husband, and was going to cleave to it till she died.' " I tol 1 her I was deeply interested in it, but I couldn't marry myself to it, because before gettiu' acquainted with it, I had united myself to Josiah." We had considerable reasonable and agree- able talk, such as would be expected from two such minds as mine and ham, and then the three ladies departed. And Miss Wood- hull came up tome agin kinder friendly, and says she, " I am glad to meet you Josiah Allen's ■wife," and then she invited me to sit down. As I turned round to get a chair I see through a door into another room where sot several other wimmen — some up to a table, and all dreadful busy readin' papers and writin' letters. They looked to business- like and earnest at thier work, that I knew they could not have time to backbite thier neighbours, and I was glad to see it. As I took my seat I see a awful handsome gentle- man settin' on a sofa — with long hair put back behind his ears — that I hadn't ketched sight of before. It was Theodore Til ton, and Miss WoodhuU introduced him to Betsy and me. He bowed to Betsy, but he came forward and shook my hand in hisen, I couldn't refuse to take it, but I looked up in his handsome face with a look about two- thirds admiration, and one of sorrow. If the handsomest and best feathered out angel had fell light over the wails of heaven into ourdooryard at Jonesville, I couldn't have f[ive it a more piercin', and sort of pitiful ook than I did him. I then turned and silently put my umberell in the comer and sot down. As I did so. Miss WoodhuU re- marked to Mr. Tilton, "She is a Strong Wimen's Righter, she is one of us. " "No, Victory; I hain't one of you, I am -Josiah Allen's wife." Then I sithed. And, says I, " Victory you are in the right on it, and you are in the wrong on it," and says I, "I come clear from Jonesville to try to set you right where you are wrong.' Says I, almost overcome with emotion. " You are younger than I Victory, and I want to talk with you jest as friendly as if I was your mother in law." Says she, " Where do you think I am in the right, and where do you think I am in the wrong ?" Says I, " You are right in thinkin' what a solemn thing it is to bring up children aa they ought to be. What an awful thing it is to bring the little creeters into the w5rld without their votin' on the subject at all, and then neglect 'em, and abuse 'em, and make their poor little days awful long in the world, and then expect them to honour you for it. You are right in your views of health, and wimmin'? votin* and etcetery — but you are wrong Victory, and I don't want you to get mad at me, for I say it with as friendly feelins' as if I was your mother in law — you are wrong in this free love business, you are wrong in keepin' house with two husbands at the same time." "Two husbands! it is false; I was di- vorced from him, and my husband and I found him perishing in the streets, and we took him home and took care of him 'till he died. Which would the Lord have done Josiah Allen's wife, passed by on tho other side, or took pity on him ? " I don't know what the Lord would have done Victory, but I believe I should have sent him to a good horsepittle or tarven, and hii-ed him took care of. I never lould stand it to have another husband in the yd,.' ivs house with me and Josiah. It would soem ^:o kind o' curious, somethin' in tho circus way. I never could stand it never." "There have been a good many things Josiah Allen's wife that you have not been requii'ed to stand, God and man united you to a good husband whom you love. But in your happiness you shouldn't forget that some other woman" has been less fortunate. In your perfect happiness, and harmony — " " Oh !" says I, candidly, " I don't say but what Josiah and me have had our little spats Victory. Josiah will go in his stocki(i' feet considerable and — " But she interrupted of me with her eyes a flashin'. " What would you say to livin' with a man that forgot every day of his life that he wasamikU, and sunk himself into a brute. Leaving his young wife of a week for the society of the abandoned ? What m ould you sav to abuse, that resulted in the birth of a idiot child, Would you enduio such a life? Would you Uve with the aui- mm^'' 74 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. mal that he had made himself ? I married a man, I never promised God nor man that I would love, honor and obey the wild beast he changed into. I was free from him in the sight of a pure God, long enough before the law frep8 ter I its Ind |ws > it 3S.' I Thongh I didn't like their belief. I liked their looks. They looked sincere and honest. A^n I repeated, " Marriage is a solemn thing." I heard a deep sithe behind me, and a tor* rowful voice exclaimed, "It is solemn then both ways, you say it is solemn to marry, and I know" — here was another deep sithe — "I know it is solemn not to." It was Betsy, she was athinkin' at the Editer of the Augur, and of Ebineezer, and of all the other dear gazelles, that lay cold and lifeless in her buryin' ground. I felt that I could not comfort her, and I was silent. Miss Woodhull is a well bread woman, and so to kiner notice Betsy, andmake talk with her. Bays she, "I believe you are the author of these lines : *If wimmen had a mice's will. They would arise and uret a hill f " "Yea," says Betsy, tryin' to put on the true tuodesty of jenieua look. Miss Woodhull said "she had heard it sung to several free love conventions." "How true it is," says Betsy, glancin' towards Mr. Tilton, "that deathless fame sometimes comes by reason of what you feel in your heart haint the best part of you. Now, in this poem I speak hard of man, but I didn't feel it. Miss Woodhull, I didn't feel it at the time, I wrote it jest for fame and to please Prof. Gusheh. I love men," says she, glan- cin' at Mr. Tilton's handsome face, and hitchia' her chair up closer to hia'en." " I almost worship 'em," Theodore began to look uneasy, for Betsy had sot down close by the side of him and says she, "Did you ever read the soul stirrin' lints that Mi»»8 Woodhull refers to, I will rehearse them to you, and also three others of 25 verses apiece which I have wrote since on the same subject." I see a cold sweat begin to break on his white and almost marble forward, and with a agitated move he ketched out his watch and says he, *' I have 9- •ugagement." Says Betsy, beseechin'ly layin' her band on his coat sleeve, " I can rehearse them in 26 or 27 minutes, and oh how sweet your sympathy would be to me, let me repeat them to you deah man." A haggard look crept into his handsome face, and says he, wildly turnin' 'em away, "It is a case of life and death," and he hur- ried to the door. 6qt Betsy started up and got ahead of him, she got between him and the door, and bays all-. "I will let you off about hearin' the poetry— but oh ! listen to my otheh prayer. " "I won't listen to your prayer," says he, firmly. "In the name of the female wimmen of America who worship you so, pause, and heah my prayer." He paused deeply agitated, and says he, "In their name I will hear you, what is your request Betsy Bobbet ?" "She clasped her hands in a devotional way, and with as beseechin' and almost heart meltin' a look as a dog will give to a bone held above its head, shu murmured, " A lock of youh haih deah man, that I may look at it when the world looks hollow to me, a lock of youh haih to make my life path easier to me. " I turned my spectacles on which principle sot enthroned, towards 'em, and listened in awful deep interest to see how it would end. Would he yield or not ? He almost trembled But finally he spoke. "Never ' Betsy Bobbet I never !" and he continued in low, agitated tones, "I have got jest enough to look well now." My heart throbbed proudly, to see him comin' so nobly through the hot furnace of temptation, without beiu' scorched. To see him bein' lifted up in the moral steelyards, and found full weight to a notch. But alas! Jest as small foxes will knaw into a grape vine, jest so will dangerous and almost loose principles gnaw into a noble and upright nature unbeknown to them. Agin Betsy says in harrowin' tones, at the same time ketchin' holt of his coat skirts wildly, "If you ean't part with any more, give mo one haih, to make my life path smootheh," Alas ! that my spectacles was ever bought to witness the sad sight. For with a despair- in', agonized countenance such as Lucifer, son of Mr. Mornin* might have wore as he fell doun, Theodore plucked a hair out of his foretop, threw it at Betsy's feet, and rushed out doors. Betsy with a proud, hauglity look, picked it up, kissed it a few times, and put it into her portmoney. But I sithed. I hadn't no heart to say anything more to Victory. I bid her farewell. But after we got out in the street I kept a si thin'. A WIMMEK'S RIGHTS' LECTURES. As we wended our way back to Miss Asters'es to dinner, Betsy said she guessed after all she would go and take dinner to her cousin Ebeneezer's, for her Pa hadn't give her much money. Says she, "I hate to awfully. It is revoltin' to all the fineh feelings of my nature to take dinueh theh, afteh I have been so — " she i f |! 78 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBETS, |i ' « •toppud suddenly, and then went on agin. "Buc Pa didn't make much this yeah, and he didn't give much money, he nor Ma wouldn't have thought they could have paid my faih heah on the cars, if they hadn't thought certain that Ebeneuzah's wife would be took from us, and I — should do my duty by coming. So I ((uess I will go theah and get dinneli." Thinks'es I to myself, "If vour folks had brought you up to emanual labour, if they had brought you up to any other trade only to get married, you might have money enough of your own to buy one dinner independent, without dependin' on some man to earn it for you." But I didn't say nothin', but proceeded onwards to the tavern where I put up. When I got there I met Johnotban Beans'es ex-wife, and says ■he, "Oh, I forgot, there is a lady here that wanted to see you when you got back." iio is it, ' says I. a female lecturer OD wimmen's nghta," says she. Well, says I, " Principle before vittles, is my theme, fetch her on. ' Says she, "Go into your room and I'll tell her you have come and bring her there. She is awful anxious to see you ' " Who "It is " I'm visible have to take to the naked a telescope," Well, says I, eye, she won't and in this calm state of mind I went into my room and waited for her, , Pretty soon she came in. Jonothan Beans'es ex-wife introduced us, and then went out. I rose up and took holt of her hand, but I give it a sort of a cations shake, for I didn't like her looks. Of all the painted, and frizzled.and ruflled, and humped up, and laced down critters I ever see, she was the cap sheaf. She had a hump on her back bigger than any camel's I ever see to a mana^ery, and no three wimmen ever grew the hair that critter had piled on to her head. I see she was dissapointed in my looks. She looked dreadful kinder scornful down onto my plain ulpaca, which was made of a sensible length. Her's hung down on the carpet. I'll bet there was more'n a bushel basKot of puckers and ruffles that trailed down on to the floor behind her, besides all there was on the skirt and waist. She never said a word about my dress, but I see she looked awful scornful on to it. But she went on to talk about Wimmen's Rights, and I see she was^one of the wild eyed ones, that don't use no reason. I see here was another chance for me to do good — to act up to principle. And as she give an- other humiliatin' look onto my dress, I be- come fully determined in my own mind, that I wouldn't shirk out from doin' my duty by her, and tell her jest what I thought of her looks. She said she had just returned from a Iccturin' tower out in the Western States, and that she had addressed a great many audiences, and had come pretty near gettin' a Wimmen's Right's Uovernor uhoseu in one of the States. She got to kinder preachin' after a while, and Kt^od lookin' up to^rds the cealin' and her hands stretched out as if she was a lecturin'. Says she, " Tyrant man shan't never rule us." Sa^s 1, "ihaint* no objection to your makin' tyrant man better, if you can — there is m chance for improvement in we are handlin' 'motes,' remember that we have able to do in the line 'em — but while sister, let ni got consider* of 'beams."* Says I, " To see a lot of immortal wimmen together, sometimes, you would think the Lord had forgot to put any brains into their heads, but had filled it all up with dress patterns, and gossip, and beaux, and tettan." " Tyrant man has encouraged this weak* ness of intellect. He has tor a^^es made woman a plaything ; a doll ; a menial slave. He has encouraged her weakness of compre* hension, because it flatterrd his self love and vanity, to be looked up to as a superior bein' He has enjoyed her foolishness." " No doubt there is some truth in what you say, sister, but them days are past. A modest, intelligent woman is respected and admired now, more than a fool. It is so iu London and New York village, and," says I, with some modesty, "it is so in Jones- ville." "Tyrant man," begun the woman agin. "Tyrant man thinks th-^t wimmen are weak, slavish idiots, that don't know enough to vote. But them tyrants will find them> selves mistaken." The thought that Josiah was a man, came to me then as it never did before. And as she looked down from the cealin' a minute on to my dress with that scorn- ful mene, principle nerved me up to give her a piece of my mind. Says I, "No wonder men don't think that we know enough to vote when they see the way wimmen rig themselves out. Why says I, a bachelder that had al- ways kept house in a cave, that had read . about both and hadn't never seen neither, would as soon take you for a dromedary, as a woman." She turned round qnicker'n lightnin', ' and as she did so, I see her hump plain- er'n ever. Says she, "Do yon want to insult me?" "No," says I, "my intentions are'hoo- oorable, mom." _ .^ i A WIMMEN'S RIGHTS LECTURER. 79 think they 8 out. ad al- read. either, |iedary itnin', ' I plain* me!" e* hoa- "Butsays I, putia'the queatioa plni' her, "would you vote for a man, i..... had his pantaloons mado with trails to 'em dan^li •' on tho ground, and his vest draw* ed in to the bottom tight enough to cut him into, and his coat tails humped out with a bustle, and some)K>dy else's hair pinned on the back of his head? Would you?" says I, solemnly tixin' my specta- cles keenly onto her face. "Much as 1 respect and honour Horace Greeley, if that pure-minded and noble man should rig himself out with a bustle and trailiu' pan- taloons, I wouldn't vote for him, and Jo- siah shouldp't neither." But she went right on without mindin' me — "Man has always tried to dwarf our in- tellects ; cramp our souls. The sore female heart pants for freedom, it is sore I and it pants. Her eyes was rolled up in her head, and >.ie had lifted both hands in a eloquent way, as she said thit, and I had a fair view of her waist, it wasn't much bigger than a pipe's tail. And I says to her in a low, friendly tone, " Se-sin' we are only females present, let me ask you in a almost motherly way, when your heart felt sore andpantin' did you ever loosenyour cosset strings ? Why, " says I, "no wonder your heart feels sore, no won- der it pants, the only wonder is, that it don't get discouraged and stop beatin' at all." She wanted to waive off the subject, I knew, for she rolled up her eyes higher than ever, and agin she began "Tyrant man — " Agin I thought of Josiah, and agin I in- terrupted her by sayin' "Men hain't the Vk orst critters in the world, they are as gen- erous and ciiaritable agin, as wimmenare,aa a general thing." "Then what do you want wimmen to vote for, if you think so ?" "Because I want justice done to every human bein'. Justice never hurt nobody yet, and rights given through courtesy and kindness, hain't so good in the long run, as rights given by law. And besides, there are exceptions to every rule. There are mean men in the world as well as good ones. Jus- tice to wimmen won't jprevcnt charitable men from beiu' charitable, generous men from bein' generous, and good men from bein' good, while it will restrain selfishness and tyrany. One class was never at the mercy of another, in any respect, without that power bein' abused in some instances. Wim- men haviu' the right to vote hain't a goin'to turn the world over to once, and make black white, in a minute, not by no means. But 1 sincerely believe it will bring a greater good to the female race and to the world. " Says I, in my most eloqaent way, "There is a star of hope a risin' in the East for wim- men. Let ut foller on after it through the desert of the present time, not with our dresses trailin' down onto the sandy ground, and our waists lookin' like pismires, and our hair frizzled out like maniacs. Let us go with our own hair on our heads, soberly, de- cently, and in order ; let us behave oursulves in such a sober, christian way, that wo can respect ourselves, and then men will resnect us.*' ' ' "I thought," says she, " that yon was » pure Wimmen's Righter I I thought you took part with us in our warfare with our foeman man I I thought you was a firm friend to wimmen, but I tind I am mistaken." "lam a friend ^o wimmen," says I, "and because I ani, I don't want her to make a natural born fool of herself. And I say agin, I don't wonder some- times, that men don't think that wimmen know enough to vote, when they see 'em go on. If a woman don't know enough to malcn a dress so she can draw a long breath in il, how is she goin' to take deep and broad viewe of public affairs? If she puts 30 yards of calico into a drtss, besides the trimmin'i, how is she goin' to preach acceptably on economy ? If her face is covered with paint, and her curls and frizzles all dangliu' dnwn oi.to her eyes, how can she look straight and keenly into foreign nations and see our rela- tions there ? If a woman don't know enough to keep her dress out of the mud, how is she goin' to steer the nation through the mud puddle of politics ? If a woman humps her- self out, aud makes a camel of herself, how is she goin' through the eye of a needle ? " I said these last words in a real solemn camp meetin' tone, but they seemed to mad her, for she started right up and went out, and I didn't care a cent if she did, I had seen enough of her. She ketched her trail in the door and tore off pretty nigh a ynrd of it, and I didn't cry about that, not a mite. I don't like these bold brazen faced wimmen that go a rautin' round the country, rigge^ out in that way, jest to make themselves notorious. Thier names hadn't ought to be mentioned in the same day, with true earnest wimmen who take thier reputations in thier hands, and give thier lives to the cause of Right, goin' ahead walkin' afoot through the wilderness, cuttin' down trees, and diggin' out stumps, -makin' a path for the car of Freedom, that shall yet roll onward into Liberty. As soon as she was gone, I went down and eat my dinner, for I was hungry as a bear. At the dinner table Jonothan Beans'es ex-wife asked me " what I would like for desert." I told her "I hadn't turned my mind much that way, for I hadn't no idee of goin' into th« desert business, I wouldn't buy od« if m ViV. S5BBBB55B" ■U 00 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBEET'S. i *: any way, and I wouldn't take one as a gift if I had got to settle down, and live on it. But from what I had heard Thomas Jefferson read about it, I thought the desert of Sarah was about as roomy and raised as much sand to the acre ay any of 'era. " Says she, turnin' the subject, " will you have pie or puddin'." I couldn't see then, and I have thought abou* it lots sense, I don't see what started h^r o-i onto gography all of a sudden. .^ iter dinner 1 thought I would rest a ' pell.. My talk with that female lecturer aad tired out. Principle is dreadful tuckorin' to any body, when you make it a stiddy busiiess. I had rath^ wash, any time, than to go off on a tower of it as I was. So I went to my room and sot down real com- fortable. But I hadn't sot down more'n a minute and a half, when Betsy Bobbetcame, and nothin' to do, but I must go to Stew- arts'es store with her. i hung back at first, but then I happened to think, if Alexander should hear — as of course he would — that I had been to the village and hadn't been to his shop^ he would have reason to feel hurt. Alexander ia a real likely man, and I didn't want CO hurt his feelin's, and it haint my •way to want to slight anybody. And then I had a Tittle tradiu' J. wanted to do. So take it all together, I finally told Betsy I would go with her. AliKXANDER'S STORE. I had heard it was considerable of a store, but good laud ! it was bigger than all the shops of Juaesville put together, and two or three t,ea aore lots, and a law meeiin' housen. But I wouldn't have acted skairt, if it had been as big as ^11 Africa. I walked in as cool asa cowcumber. We sot down pretty nigh to the door and looked round a spell. Of all the sights of folks there was a comin' in all the time, and shinin' counters all down as fur as we could see, and slick lookin' iellers behind every one and lots of boys run- ui' round, that Lhey called " Cash." I says to Betsy, " VVhat a large family of boys Mr. Cash'es folks have got, and bhey mast sum of 'em be twins, they seem to be about of a size.'' I was jest thiukin' in a pityin' way of their mother : poor Mrs. Oaali, and how m»K.f pantaloons she would have to put nevr seats into, in elidin' down hill time, whuu Betsy ■ays to me, "Jociah Allen's wife, hann't you better be furchaeing your merchandiser' Says she, will set here and rest 'till you get through, and as deah Tuppah remarked, 'study human nature.'" She didn'i have no book as I could see to study out of, but I didn't snake no remarks, Betsy ia a curious critter, anyway. I went up to the first counter — there was a real slick lookin' feller there, and I asked him in a cool tone, " If Mr. Stewart took eggs, and what they was a fetchin' now ?" He said "Mr. Stewart don't take eggs." "Well," says I, "rvhat does ho give now for butter in the pail ?" He said "Mr. Stewart don't take butter." "VVell,"sayal, id a dignified way, "It haint no matter, I only ashed to see what they was a fetch.! n' here. I haint got any with me, for I come on a tower." I then took a little roll out of my pocket, and un- done etu'. It was a pair of socks and p pair of striped mittens. And I says to him in a cool, calm way, "How mu:h is Mr. Stewart a payin' for socks and mittens now? I know they are kinder out of season now, but there haint no danger but what winter will come, if you only wait long enough. " He said "we don't take em." I felt dissapointed, for I did want Alexan- der to have 'em, they was knit so good. I was jef t thinkin' this over, when ho spoke up agin, and says he, "We don't take barter of no kind." I didn't know really what he meant, but I answered him in a blind way, that it was jest as if they did, as fur aa I was concerned, for we hadn't raised any barter that year, it didn't seem to be a good year for it," and then I continued on — "Mebby ^Ir. Stewart would take these socks and mittens for his own use.' Says I, "do you know whether Alexander is well off forsoc'tcs and mictens or not ?" The clerk said "he guessed Mr. Stewart wasn't sufferin' for 'em. " "Well," says 1 in a dignifled way, "you can do as you are a mind to about takin' 'em, but they are coloured in a good indigo blue dye, they haint pusley coloui, and are Icjit on honour, jest as I Josiah's. " " ^Vho is Josiah ?" says the clerk. Says I, a sort of blindly, " He is the band of Josiah AUen'a wife." I would'ut 3ay right out that I was Josiah Allen's wife, because I wanted them socks and rr>itteu3 to stand on their own meribS, or rot at ali. I wasn't goin' to have 'em go, Jest because one of the first wimmen of the day knit 'em. I never said another word about his buyin' 'em, only mentioned ia a oareledS way, that ' ' the heels was |run. " But he didn't seem to want 'em, and I jest folded 'era up, and in a cool way put 'em into my pocket. I then asked to look at '.lis calicoes, for I was pretty near decided in my own mind to get a apron, for I v/ar I't coin' to have him think that all my property lay in that pair of socks or mittens. they knit hus* > "you cm"em, id sn I nieribS, em go, of the er word oned ia *8|run." nd I jest put 'em look at decided I v/ar I't property M.EXANDER'S STORE. 81 ? He told me where to go to «ee the calicos, and there was another clerk behind that counter. I didn't like his looks a bit, be was real uppish lookin'. But I wasn't goin' to let him mistrust that I was put to my Btumps a bit. 1 walked up as collected lookin' as if I owned the whole caboodle of 'em, and New York villajje, and Jonesville, and Bkys T, " I want to look at your calicos." *' What prints will you look at ?" says he, meanin' to put on me. Says, " I don't want to look at no Prince," says I, " I had ruther see a free born Ameri- can citizen, than all the foreign Princes you can bring out." Says I, "Americans make perfect fools of themselves in my mind, a runnin' after a parcel of boys, whose only merit is, they happened to be born before thier brothers and sisters was." Says I, "If a baby is born in a meetin' house, it don't make out that he is a preacher. A good smart American boy like Thomas JeflTurson, looks as good to me as any of your Princes." I said this in a noble, lofty tone, but after a minute's thought I went on, " Though, if you have got a quantity of Princes here, I had as lives see one of Vic- tory's boys, as any of 'em. The widder Albert ia a good housekeeper, and a first-rate calculator, and a woman that has got a Right. I set a good deal of store by the widder Albert, I always thought I should like to get acquainted with her, and visit back and forth, and neighbour with her." I waited a minute, but he didn't make no movft towards showin' me any Prince. But, lays he, " What kind of calico do you want to look at?" I thought he come off awful sudden from Princes to calico, but I didn't say nothiu'. But I told him " I would like to look at a ohocklate coloured ground work, with a set flower on it." "Shan't I thow yc« a Dolly Varden," says he. I see plainly that he was a tryin tn im- pose on mo, talkin' about Princpa and Dolly Varden, and says I with dijjnity, "If I want to make Miss Varden'a ac- quaintance, I can, without askin' vou to introduce me. But," I contirmed coldly, "I don't care about gettin' acquainted with Sliss Varden, I have heard her name talked over too much in the street. I am afraid she haint such a girl as I should want m*' Tirzah Ann to associate with. Eve since I started from Jonbsville I have heard that girl talked about. 'Theie is Dolly Varden!' and 'Oh Iqok ac Dolly Varden !' I have heard it I bet more'n a hundred times sen'se I sot out. And it seem." to me that no modest girl would b« 6 traipsin' all over the country alone, for I never have heard a word about old Mr. and Miss Varden, or any of the Varden boys. Not that it is anything out of character to go off on a tower. ' 'I am off oh a tower myself, " says I, M'ith quite a Bood deajl of dienity, "but it don't look wellfor a young girl like her, to be streamin' round alone. I wish I could see old Mr. and Miss Varden. I would advise the old man and woman to keep Dolly at home, if they have any regard for her good name. Though I'm afraid," I repeated, look- in' at him keenly over my specs, "I'm afraid she haint a likely girl." His f ^ce was jest as red as blood. But he tried to turn it off with a laugh. And he said pcmiethin' about her "bein' the style," an6 "bein' gay," or somethin'. But 1 jest stopped him pretty quick. Says Ij giving hiir. a aw- ful searchin' look, " I tliink jest as much of Dolly as J do of her most intimate friends, male or .female." He pretended to turn it off with a laugh. But I know a guilty conscience when I sea it as quick as anybody. I haint one to break a bruised reed than once into. And my spectacles bep-med more mildly onto him, and I says to him in a kind but ^rm manner, " Young man, if I was in your place, I would drop Dolly Varden's acquaintance." Saj's T, "I advise you for your own good, jest as I would rhomas Jefferson." "Who is Thomas Jefferson ?" says he. Says I, in a cautious tone, "He is Josiah Allen's child, by his first wife, and the own brother of Tiizah Ann." 1 then laid my hand on a piece of chocklate ground c.\lico, and says I, "This suits me pretty well, brtt I have my doubts," says I, examinin' it closer through my specs, I "mistrust it will fade some. Whatist/OKr opinion 1" says I, BpeaHin' to a elegantly dressed woman by my aide, who stood there with her rich silk dreasa trailin' down on th« floor. "Do you suppose this calico will waab mom ?" I was so busy a rubbin' the ealico to see if it was fir?P cloth, that I never looked up in- her face at all. But when I asked her f^r the third time, and she didn't speak, I look- ed up in h3r face, and I hain't come so near faintin' sence I was united to Josiah Allep. Xhf-i woman's head was off I Xhe clerk see that 1 was overcome by somethin', and saya he, "what is the niU- ter?" I conldn't speak, bat I pinted with my forefinger stiddy at that jaurdered woman. .1 gnesB I had pinted at hor pretty ni«h half » minute^ when I found breath, and eaya I, lij! IH 82 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. slowly turnin' that extended finger at him, in so bamin' indignant a way, that 1/ it had been a tpear, he would have hung dead on it. "That ia pretty doin's in a Christian conn- try !" His face turned red as blood agin — and looked all swelled np, he was so moitified. And he murmured somethin' abont her "bein' dumb," or a "dummy," or somethin' — but I interrupted him — and says I, " I guess you would b« dumb yourself if your head was cut of." Says I, in awful sar- castic tones, " It would be pretty apt to make anvbody dumb." *'•'»' • •> Then he explained it to me. That it was » wooden iigger, to hang their dresses and mantillys on. And I cooled down and told him I would take a yard and 3 quarters of the calico, enough for a honourable apron. Says he, " VVe don't sell by retail in this room," I gave that clerk then a piece of my mind. I asked him how many aprons he supposed Tirzah Ann and I stood in need of ? I asked him if he supposed we was entirely destitute of aprons ? And I asked him in a awful sar- castic tone if he had a idee that Josiah and Thomas Jefferson wore aprons ! Sayp I, "anybody would think you did." Says I, turnin' away awful dignified, " when I come agin I will come when Alexander is in, the store himself." I joined Betsy at the door, and says I, "Less go on to once." " But," says she, to me in a low mysteri- ous voice ; "Josiah Allen's wife, do you sup- pose they would want to let me have a straw coloured silk dress, and take their pay in poetry ?" Says I, "for the land's sake Betsy, don't try to sell any poetry here. I am worn out. If they won't take any socks and mittens, or good butter and eggs, I know they won't take poetry." She argued % spell with me, but I stood firm, for I wouldn't let her demean herself for nothin' And finally I got her to go on. A HARROWIIk' OPERATIOir. All I could do and say, Betsy would keep ft goin' into one store after another, and I jest trailed round with her 'till it was pitch dark. Finally after arguin' I got her head- «d towards her cousin's. It was «8 lat.^ as half past eight when I fot back to Mi(B Asters'es. As I went y the parlour door, I heard a screechin' melankoly hollerin'. Thinks'cs I to myself, " somebody's hurt in thtire, some female I should think by the voice." I thought at first I wouldn't interfere, as there w»e enough to itkt h«r part, as the room seemed to be chuck full. So I was goin' on up to my room, when it come to my ears agin, louder and more agonizin' than ever. I couldn't stiind it. As a female who was de- voted to the cause of Right, I felt that in the behalf of my sect I would see what coiild be done. I kinder squeezed my M-ay in, up towards the sound, and pretty snou I ^>ot where I could see her. Then I knew she was crazy. She looked bad. Her dress seemed to be nice silk, but it jest hung on to htr shoul> ders, and she had strung a lot of beads and things round her neck — you know how such poor critters will rig themselves out — and she had tore at her hair so she had got it all streamia' down her neck. Her face was deathly white, only in the middle of her cheeks there was a feverish spot of fire red. Her eyes was rolled up in her head. She looked real bad. * She had got to the piano in some way, and there she set a poundm' it, and yellin'. Oh how harrowiu' to the nerves, it made my heart almost ache to see her. There was a good many nicely dressed wimmen and men in the room, and some of 'em was leanin' over the poor girl's shoulders, a lookin' at her hanus go, and some of them wimmen's dresses was hangiu' down off their shoulders, so that I thought they must have been kinder struggliu' with the maniac and got 'em all pulled down and torn open, and they looked most as crazy as she did. The poor girl didn't know a word she was sayin', but she kep a mutterin' over somethin' to herself in a unknown tongue. There wasn't no words to it. But, poor thing, she didn't sense it. Some of the time she wonld be a smilin' to herself, and go on a mutterin' kinder low, and then her worse fits seemed to come on in spasms, and ehe would go to poundiu' the piano and yellin'. And I see by the way her hands went that she had got another infirmity too. I see she had got Air. yitus'es dai^ce. It was a sad sight in- deed. As I see the poor thing set there with her dress most off of her, jeut a hangiu' on her iihoulders, right there before so many men, I l:hought to myself, what if was my Tirzah Ann there in that condition. But one thing I know, as long as Josiah Allen's wife lived, she wouldn't go a wanderin' round half naked, to be a ghin' stock to the com* munity. I took ii, so right to myself. I kep a thinkin' so, what if it was our Tirzah Ann, that there wasn't hardly a dry eye in my head. Atid I turned to abystanter, standin* by my side, and says I to him, in a voice almost choked down with emotion. ) S I CO met our the gree almc 'awe heav miisi Tirza on w Grey, belies And h Thi red as ftny w A HARROWIN' OPERATIOlT. 83 )to zin, 1 de- tbo ould , «P r she to^e boul- B and stich —and it all s waa »f her e red. She kV, and •. Oh B, it le to nicely m, and )r girl'8 50, and hangiu' thought ji' with wn and razy »» Ishe was unethin' There ing, she \e womd lutterin' lemed to Id go to id I B«e [had got had got Jight m- frith her on her ' men, I Tiriah [lie thing Ife lived, Ind half lie com* If, I kep lah Ann, |o in my Istandin' la voice " Has the poov thing been so long? Can't ihe get any help ? " Jest that minute she begnn to screech and pound louder and more harrowin' than ever, and I says in still more sorrowful accents, with my spectacles bent pityin'ly oo her, "It seems to come on by spasms, don't it!" She kinder held up in her screechin* then, and went at her nutterin' agin in that un- known toncnie, and he heard me, and says he, "Beautiful! hain't it?" That madded me. I give that man a piece of my mind. I told him plainly that it *' was bad enough to have such infirmities without bein' made a public circus of. And I didn't have no opinion of anybody that en- joyed such a scene and made fun of such poor critters." He looked real pert, and said somethin' tkbont my " not havin' a ear foi music." That madded me agin. And sayi I, " Young man, tell me that I hain't got any ears agm if you dare ! " and I ontied my bonnet strings, and lifted up the corner of my head-dress. Says I, " What do you call that. If that hain't a ear, what is it ? And as for music, I guess I know what music is, as well as anybody in this village." Says I. "you «ught to hear Tirzah Ann sing jest between daylight and dark, if you want to hear music." Says I, ,"her organ is a very good soundin one everybody says. It ought to be, for we turned off a good two year old colt, and ono of our best cows for it. And whta she pulls out the trerablin' stopple in front of it, and plays psalm tunes Sunday nights jest before sundown, with the shadders of th 1 morriin' glory vines tremblin' all over her, as she ings old Corinth, and Hebron, I have seen Josiah look at her and listen till he had to pull out his red bandanna handkerchief and wipe his eyes. " " "Who is Josiah ?" saj'S he. Says I, " It is Tirzah Ann's father. And I continued goin' on with my subject. " No medder lark ever had a sweeter voice than our Tirzah Ann. And when she sings about the 'Sweet fields that stand dressed in li?in' green,' she sings it in such a way, that you almost feel as if you had waded through the 'swellin' flood/ and was standtn' in them heavenly medders. Tell me I never heard music ! Ask Whitfield Minkloy whether Tirzah Ann can sing Anna Lowtry or not, on week day evcniu's, and old Mr. Robin Grey. Ask Whittield Miokley, if you don't believe me. He is a minister's only son, And he hadn't oughl, to lie." The little conceited feller's face looked as red as a beet. He was h poor lookin' excuse My way, a oppisb, dandyfied luMkin' chap. with his moustache turned up at the cor- ners, and twisted out like a waxed end. He pretended to laucih, but he showed signs of mortification as plain as I ever see it. And he put up his specs, and I'll be hanged if he hadn't broke one eye ofTen'em, and looked at me through it. But I wasn't dawnted by him, not a bit. I didn't care how much he looked at me. Joaiah Allen's wife hain't afraid to be examined through m double bar- reled telescope. Just then a good lookin' man with long sensible whiskers and moustache, hangiir the way the Lord meant 'em to, and who had com<9 up while I was a speakin' this last — spoke to me and says h A VISIT TO HORACR 85 face, a [e sun> , below the led off feonvic- And quiet year. I face as he ^acefiil speech basior, Ishould I mine. |8, the 1,8 our Bight^ I and ward, f&s, in •• Horace, I have come," His face grew almost black with fear and anger. _ He sprano; up, and waved me back with his right hand and shouted to me, " It is in vain, madam ! you are the 94th woman who has been here to-day after office. Female lobsteress depart ! Get thee behind me Sa— female ! " Says I with deep emotion, " Horace, you don't know me! I am not a female lobsteress! 1 am Josiah Allen's wife." He came forward and shook hands with me, and says he, ray vehemence, when 1 tell you, I am almost devoured by office-seekers!" He cleared a P»tl^hrough the papers on the floor to some chaiiff, but as we set down, he continued in trem'olin' tones, for it seemed as if he couldn't lorget his troubles, "Foxes and woodohucks have holes, but a Candida te for the Presidency can't find none small en ough to hide in. I did, says he sithin deeply, "Irfitihave a few peaceful, happy hours in .the suller of my dwellin' house ; " he he paused, overcome by sad recollections, and says r, de eply sympathizin' aud interested, *'What broke it up, Horace?" "They found the out-door suller way; »o, says he sithin again. I lost that peaceful haven." " Wall,* says I, tryin' to soothe his agita- tion, "You're cue in a high, noble place, Horace." " Yes ! " says he, " but it places anybody under a very strong lifiht— a very strong light I have never done anything out of the way sense I was first born, but what 1 have seen in the papers. I tore my pantaloons once," says he, gloomily, "in gettiu' over the fence at the early age of 2 and a half, and I bit my mother at the age of 7 months a nursin', I could wish those two errors of my past to be forgotten by the world and overlooked, but in vain. I am taunted with 'em on every side. I never threw a boot jack at a tom cat in the dead of the night, but what my pic- ture was took in the act, I never swore a oath to myself in lno depths of my own stomach, but what I have seen that niispok- tsu oath in the papers. .1 never jawed Mrs. Cre.?ley about my shirt buttons," he con- tinued, sadly, "in the depths of our seclud- ed chamber, but what it has been illus- trated VI ith notes." As he spoke of jawin' abouf. shirt Viuttons, I nays to myself, "How much ! how much human nature is alike in {all men," and 2 ■ays aloud, "How much yoa remind me of Josiah." *<0f rotiiah I " says he, and tliat name •fieme ' ■ ■ ioiWm h'nt rvuMtuber hinui«lf; and to come nobiy out of his gloomy refleotioni. "Josiah, he IS your husband 1 Oh yes, Jo- siah Allen's wife ! I am glad to meet yon, for although I couldn't comply with the request your letter contained, yet it con* vinced me that you are a sincere friend to the human race." "Yes," says I, "Horace, I am, and want you to consider my request over agin. " But he interrupted me hurriedly, seemin, to want to turn my mind from the subject. and stioolc hanrls witn "What do you think of Fourier's system, I know you will excuse i Josiah Allen s wife ? " says he, lookiu' at me languidly over his specks. Says I, " I never see Mr. Fourier. How can I tell you anything about the old man's health, whether his system is all rit^ht, ( > ' whether he is enjoyin poor health ? Horace, I come to talk with you on more important things." But he continued placidly, hopin' to draw my mind off, "What do you think of Darwin's idees ?" " Darwin who?'' says I. "Darwin CVow- dey ? I don't know any other Darwi a, and I never mistrusted that he had any idees,, he is a most natural born fool." Says he, "about our descendin' from a monkey?' Says I, with dignity, "I don't know how it is with you, but I know that I couldn't descend from a monkey, never bein' on one's back in my whole life." Says I, "I never Iboked well in a saddle any way, bein' so hefty. But," says I, in a liberal way, "if you, or anybody else wants to ride monkeys, you have the privilege, but I never had no lean \' that way." And agin, says I, in ag- itated tones, "you needn't try to take my mind oCTou the deep and momentous sub- ject on which its sot, by talkin' about ridin' monkeys. Horace I have come cle^r down here to the village on purpose to ask you to examine your platform, and see if there hain't no loose boards in it where some of the citizens of the United States, such as v/immen can fall through. Platforms that are built over the deep waters, ought to be sound, and every board ought to be nailed down tigbt^ so that nobody — not even the smallest and weakest — can fall through and get drownded." Says I, "Your door step is most all j^ood soh'd timber, but I feel there is one old, muuldy, worm-eaten board that is loose in it" And with emotion renderin' ray voice weak as a cat, says I, "Horace, I want you to examine your door step and lay down a n«w board, and 1 will help you do it. I come a purpose to. " He see it was vain to turn the currenfs of my tlioughts round, and says he in a decided :ti!: I ii ■i i "Y^u must have ^become aware of my ill 89 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'3 riewa from the contents of my letter. You got mj letter ?" says he, in a enquirin' tone. "Ices," nays I, "we haye framed it and got a glasa over it, jest because it was your writiu', but there seemed to be a mistake in it ; it seemed to be wrote to Josiah." Says he, "What did you make it out to be?*' Says I, "it seemed to run aa follers — *I don't want to purchase any more shoats.' " "Josiah did have a uncommon kind of pigs, and we thought mebby you had heard that Josiah wanted to sell you one, though it was a mistake, for he swapped a couple with Deacon Gowdey for a yearlin' heifer, and he didn't have no more left than he wanted to keep over." He said we didn't vead it right. It read, • I don't approve of any wimraen's votes.' And says he, leanin' back in his chair, "That is the ground I take, I don't believe in Wim- men's Rights. I don't see what rights they want — more'n they have now." Then I dove right into the subject that was nearest to my heart (with the exception •f Josiah) and says I, "Horace, we want the right of equal pay for e^ual labour. The right of not bein' taxed without representa- tion. The right of not bein' compelled, if she is a rich woman, of lettin' her property f;o to support public men, who are makiu' awB that are ruinin' them she loves best, such as givin' licenses to ruin body and soul. The right to stand by the side of all good and true soles in the nation, and tryin' to stop this evil spirit of intemperance and li- centiousness that is runnin' rampant through the land. The right to—" I don't know how much longer I should have gone on, but in the noble forgetfulness of yourself that always accompanies genius, I had riz up, and by an unguarded wave of my right hand a wavin' in ehHiuence I tipped over my uraberell. Horace picked it up (he is a perfect gentleman at heart) and says he, "Set down Josiah Allen's wife, don't fatigue yourself too much." Rememberin' myself, I sot down, and Horace, pensively wipir' his brow with his lead pencil, went on to say, " I admit there is some truth in what ycu say, Josiah Allen's wife; I admit, as a truth- ful man should, that whatever wimmen has laid thier hands to, such as churches, hos- pitaJ work, foreign missionary work, ragged schools, Sunday schools, charity balls and fairs, and Goocf Templars, they have done more than men in thier efforts «nd good in- fluence. They are more patient than men ; they are not ho strong, but they are more ptjrsistent. When they once get a plan in tbior heads, they are awful to hold on — if ihey can't accomplish it ia one way, they ^iU take aauther." " Says I, " that is jest what Josiah says. He says, ' I always have my own way.' " "I admit thatwheneverwimmen have been admitted in any public affairs, they have had a puryfyin', and softenin' and enoblin iii{lu< ence. But I^ deny that votin' and havin' m voice in public affairs is goin' to better the condition of either wimmen or the nation." Says I, "Horace, the old White House needs puryfyin' more than any horspittle or meetiu house in creation." And says I, " Let wimmen lay to, and help clean house." Says I, " let her try her hand for one yew, and «ee what she can do." Says Horace, goin' on placidly with his own thoughts, "It is not the change#that would be wrought in public affairs I dread, so much as the change in the wimmen them* selves, if they should mingle in the wild vortex of political life. I have two daughters, and rather than have them lose all thier delicacy, and enter political life and mount the rostrum, I would lay them in their grave. I don't believe," says he, with great decision, " I don't believe in wimmen leadin' off into politics, and mountin the rostrum." I interrupted him with a earnest tone ; "you needn't twit me of that no mora Horace. I don't want to mount no rostrum. I had rather give Josiah 20 curtain lectures than to give half of one to the public, there would be more solid satisfaction in it. But aa far as indelicacy is concerned, it no is more immodest for a woman to lead off in politics than to lead off one of your indecent Germaa waltzes with a man." Says I, "you men think it hain't indelicate for wimmen to go with you to balls, and to theatres, and into the wild vortex of the ocean a bathin' with you — and to post offices, and to fires, and fairs, and horse races, and to church, and to heaven with you. But ii is awful to go and drop a little slip of white paper into a box, once a year with you." Says Horace wavin* oif that idee, "Wo« man holds in her arms a more powerful bal< lot than she can in her hands. Let her mould her baby boy, so that in the future his mother will vote through him. Horace looked noble as he said this. His silver mounted spectacles shone with pure feelin' and principle. "But," says I, m * reasonable tone, " How can wimmen mould children, if she haint got any to mould ? I haint got any of my own, and lots of wimmin haint." Says I, "such talk is unreasonable, how can she go to mouldin', when she haint got the ma« terials ?" "Let them influence thier husbands then," says he, "the influence of wimmen over men is wonderful, and they can in this way wield • almost sovereign power. And they do io. > A VISIT TO nORACK 87 ) many instances exert thi^ iudireut power in an eminent degree." Says I, finally, "I don't believe in no underhand proccedin', I never did. The idea of wimiaen bein' underhand, and go te mouldin' men ou the sly, I don't believe in it." Says I, "accordin'to you own story, Horace, wimmen have a iniiuence in politics now." "Wall — yps— a sort of a indirect influence in thier families, as it were." Says I, "Horace, can you look me straight in the spectacles and deny that there is wim- men's influence in politics at Washington to-day?" Says I, "look at them female lob- steresses there." Says I, " one handsome, brilliant, unprincipled bad woman will iuflueuce 14 common men where a modest, humbly well wisher of her sect will one." And says I, warmly, for the thought of these female lobsteres&es always madded me — "I should be ashamed if I was in some of tu^m Senator's places, makiu' laws about the Mor- mons. " I see my deep principle was a floatin' me oflf into a subject where as a female I didn't want to go, and so I chokei) back the words I was about to utter which was, "I had jest as lives jine a Mormon as to jine one of them." I choked it back, and struggled for calnmess, for I was excited. But I did say this, "I think good wimmen ought to have a chance with bad ones in political affairs. For there is mo'egood wimmen in the world than there is bad ones, but now the bad ones have it all thier own way." Horace wiped his brow gently with his lead pencil, and said in a thoughtful accent, "There may be some truth in what you say Josiah Allen's wife. I confess I never looked at it in exactly this light before." Says I, in a triumphal glad tone, "That is jest what I told Josiah. Says I, " Josiah, Horace is all right, there never was a better meanin' man on the face of the earth than Horace is. All he wants is to have some noble principled woman to set him right in this one thing. " I see in a minute that I had made a mis- take. Men hate to be dictated to by a woman, they hate to, like a dog. I see by his lowery brow timt I had put the wrong foot forrerd. For the time bein' the sage and the philosifer sunk down in his nature, and the man spoke iu the usual man- like way. "I say wimmen 's brains are too weak to grasp public matters. They have remjxrk- able intuitions I grant. A woman's insight or instinct or whatever you may term it, will, I grant, fly over a mountain and dis- cover what is on the other side of it, while a man is gettin' his gunpowder ready to make a tunnel through it. But thfty are nut logical, th:«' mmd, the clear comprehension reqimite to a voter ? Says I, " Horace which has the firmest grasp — the clearest comprehension, » earnest intelligent Christian woman, or a drunken Irishman ?" Says I, " Understand me Horace, I don't ask which would sell thier votes at the best lay, or vote the most time« in one day — I dare say the man would get ahead of the woman in these respects, bein' naturally more of a speculator — and also bein' in practice. You know practice makes perfect. I don't ask you thia. But I ask you and I want you to answer me Horace, which would be in the best condition for votin', Elizabeth Cady Stanton gettin' up off of her religious knees in the mornin' after family prayers, and walkin' — with the Con- stitution in one hand and the Bible in the other — coolly and sensibly to the poll, or Patrick oh Planegan comin' out of a drunken wake, and staggerin' up against the pole with a whiskey bottle in one hand and a club iu the other, when he didn't know nothing in the first place, and then had lost half or three quarters of that, in the liquor acme clear minded, logical man to give him, for voting a few dozen times for him ?" At this question Horace quailed a very little. But it was not the quail of a weak man, there was principle in that quail, and a determination to argue to the end, which is one of the characteristics of that great and good man. She that was Samantha Smith also possesses some of this spirit. " Set down, Josiah Allen's wife and don't fatigue yourself too much," says Horace, for almost carried away by my emotions, I had riz' up and stood on my feet agin. And he went on, "You put the case in a very strong light Josiah Allen's wife. This is one of the peculiar weaknesses of your sect. You don't possess suf&cient modera- tion. You exaggerate too much." Says I, "publishin' a daily paper for twenty years, has a tendency to make any man a good judge of exaggeration, and if you see by my symptoms that 1 have got it, I baint a goin' to deny it. But you haint answered my question yet Horace." Says he " Josiah Allen's wife, my mind i« firmly made up on this subject. And nothin upoin earth will ever change it. I am fully convinced that woman's enterin' into public duties would result in makin' her coarse and unfeminine, and make her lose her love for home and husband. And then, suppose she were eligible for public ofRces ; imagine a lady blacksmith ! ft l»d.y constable ! rv lady 8» MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. preaident 1 it is abaurd, Joaiah Allen's wife." Says I, " Horace, you are too smart a man to bring up such poor arguments. You don't see a little sickly, literary, consunip- tire, broken backed blacksmith or constable. Men choose the occupations most congenial, and suitable for th6m. and wimmen would do the same, anyway. Rosa Bonheur chooses to live out doors half the time among cattle and horses, and I presume she haint lialf so afraid of 'em as Mr. A. Tennyson would be. I have heerd Thomas Jefferson read about 'em both. I don't suppose any woman Would be compelled to be made a constable of, though if tney was, I presume men would submit to be incarcerated bv 'em as quick as they would by a male man.^' " As for the idee of a lady president, I don't know as it would be any more absurd than a lady queen. Victory sets up pretty easy in her high chair, there don't seem to be anything very absurd about the Widdor Albert. VVhere will you find among your weak fashionable wimmen, so lovin' a wife, so devoted a mother T Where will you find a bigger housetuU of children brought up better than hern ? She has had more public duties to perform than goin' once a year by the side of her husband.and votin' for Justice and Temperance. But did these public duties, that she performed so well, wean her from her husband ?" Says I, " did they take up her mind so that she didn't almost break her heart when he he died V* says I. "Do you think a honest desire to live a full life — to use every power that God has given you ' — to do your very best for God and humani- ty, do you think that this desire modestly consistently carried into action, will make a woman coarse and unwomanly, any more than this present fashionable education, to flirt and simper and catch a rich hus- band ?" "Says I, " You seem to think that votin' is goin to bo such a weight ont« a woman that it will dra^ her right down from her home into public and political affairs and leave her there. Such talk is simple, for love and domestic happiness will be the other weight to the steelyards, as lont; as the wond stands, and keep a woman's heart and mind jest as straight as a string. Votin' haint a goin' to spile any woman at all, be the married or bo she single, aiul there is a qlass at the mercy of the world, fightin' its hard battles alone — it will help them. The idee of its hurtiu' a woman to know a little Bomethin', is in my mind awful simple. That was what the slaveholders said about the black Africans — it would hurt 'em to know too much. That is what Mr. Pops 8»ys to-day about his church members. But I say that any belief or custom that relies on oppression and ignor- ance and weakness to help it on in an^ degree, ought to be exploded up. Beauti- ful weakness and simplicity haint my style at all in the line of wimmin. I have seen beautiful simplicities before now, and they are always affected, selfish critters, sly, underhanded, their minds all took up with little petty gossip and plottin's. Why they can't set a teacup on the table in a open- hearted, noble way. They have to plot on some byway to ^et it there, unbeknown to somebody. Their mouths have been d rawed so into simpers, that they couldn't laugh a open generous laugh to save their lives. Al- ways havin' some spear ready under their soft mautiliy, to sweetly spear some other woman in the back. Horace, they haint my style. Beautiful weakness and simplicity may do for one evtniu' in a ball-room. But it don't wear well for all the cares and emergencies that come in a life of from 40 to 50 years. Was George Washington's mother any the Icus a industrious equi- nomical and affectionate wife and mother, because she took a interest in public affairs ?" And, says I, with a lower and more modest tone, " Is Josiah' Allen's, wife, on that ac- count, any the less devoted to Josiah ?" He knew I was perfectly devoted to that man. He set mewsin' silently for a time seemin'ly on somethin' I had said hereto- fore, and finally he spoke up. " The caso of Victory is very different. A crown that descends on a hereditary head is a different thing. " So 'tis," says I, " But the difference is on the wrong side, for 'sposiu' it descends onto the head of a hereditary fool — or a hereditary mean woman. If a woman was voted for it would be for goodness, or some other good quality. Says Horace, wavin' off that idee and pur- suin' after his own thoughts. " Man is sometimes mistaken in his honest beliefs, but Nature makes her laws unerringly. Nature intended the male of every species to take pre-eminence. Nature designed man to be at the head of all public affairs. Nature never makes any mistakes." " Nature made queen bees, Horace, Old Nature herself clapped the crown on to 'em. You never heard of king bees, did you T Industrious, equinomicul critters the beec are, too. The public duties of thrt female don't spile her, for where will you find house- work done up slicker than horn ? Where will you find more stiddy, industrious, equi- nomical, orderly doiu's through a whole nation than she has iii hern! AH her con- stituents up to work early in the mornin', home at night too, jest as stiddy as the uight r-Tiei. No foreigu spy's can come / A VISIT TO nORACB. 89 Old / con* •nin', the come prowlin' 'round her premises — speculators on other fo'ka'ea honey haint encouraged — tobacco is obnoxious to 'em. Only one thing I don't approve of, if food is skurce, if the females don't get honey enough to last the whole hive, all winter, they slaughter the male bees in the fall to save honey. I don't approve of it; but where will you find a great nater that hain't got its peculiar excentricitiea ? This is hern. She wants to dispose uf the drones as they call the lazy hu8l>and9 of the workin' wimmen, and she thinks killin' is the easiest way to dispose of 'em. I say plainly I don't ap- prove of it, it don't seem exactly right to kill a husband to save winterin' him, it would seem better to me to get divorces from 'em and set 'em up in business in a small way. But as I said, where is there a nater that haint got a weakness? this is hern. But aside from this where will you find a better calculator than she is? Ho dashin' female lobsteresses pullin' the wool over the eyes of her Senators. No old men bees gaddin' 'round evenin's when their confidin wives think they are abed dreamin' about their lawful parduers — no wildcatishness, and smokin' and drunkenness, and quarrellin' in her Congress. You can't impeach her ad- ministration no how, for no clock work ever ran smoother and honester. In my opinion there has a great many men set up in their high chairs that would have done well to pattern after this Executive %male." As I Hnished, flushed with several different emotions, Horace rose up and grasped me by the hand, and says almost warmly, " I am glad to have met you, Josiah Allen's wife, you have presented the subject in a new, and eloquent light. I admire eloquence wherever I meet it." The praise of this great, and good man was like manny to an Isrealitess. My breast almost swelled with proud and triumphant emotions. But even then, in that blissful moment, I thought of Josiah, no rock was ever firmer than my allegience to that man, I withdrawed my hand gently from his'eu, and I said to him, with a beamin' face, "You grasped holt of my hand, Horace, ^ith the noblest and purest of foeliu's, but I don't tliink Josiah would like to have me shake hands so often with any man." Says he, " I honour your sentiments, Josiah Allen's wife, I think you are a firm principled woman, and a earnest, well-wisher of your sect. But I do think yon are in a error, I honestly think so. The Creator de- signed woman for a quiet, home life, it is there she finds her greatest happiness and content. God gave her jest those faculties that tit her for titat life. God never designed her to go rantin' round in public, preacbin' and lecturin'." Says I, " Horace, I agree with you in thin kin' that home is the best place for most wimmen. But you say tliat wimmen hare great influence, and great powers of per- •wasion, and why not use them powers to win men's soles, and to influence men in the cause of lemperance and Justice, as well as to use 'em all up in teasiu' thier husbands to buy 'em a summer bunnet and a pair of earrings? And take such wimmen as Anna Dickinson — what under the sun did the Lord give her such powers of eloquence and pers wasion for, if He didn't calculate to have her use 'em? Why you would say a human bein' \va8 a fool, that would go to work and makeamelmlious piano, a calculatin' to have it stand dumb forever, holdin' back all the music in it, not lettin' any of it come out to chirk folks up, and make 'em better. When a man makes a cheese press, he don't expect to get music out of it, it hain't reasonable to expect a cheese press to play Yankee Doodle, and Old Hun- dred. 1, myself, wasn't calculated for a preacher. "I believe the Lord knows jeat what He wants of his creeters here below from the biggest to the littlest. When he makes a grasshopper. He makes it loose jinted, on Kurpose to jump. Would that grasshopper e a fulfiliin' his mission and doiu' God's will, if he should draw his long legs up under him, and crawl into a snail's house and make a lame hermit of himself?" Says Horace, in reasonable accents, "No, Josiah Allen's wife, no, he wouldn't." " Wall," says I, " likewise with birds, if the Lord hadn't wanted the sing to come out of thier throats. He wouldn't have put it in- to 'em. And when the Lord has put elo- quence, and inspiration, and enthusiasm into a human sole, you can't help it frombreakin out. I say it is right for a woman to talk, if she has got an} thing to say for God and hu- manity. I have heard mea and wimmen both, talk when they hadn't nothin' to say, and it is jest as tiresome in a man, as it is in a woman in my opinion. Now I never had u call to preach, or if I had, I didn't hear it, only to Josiah, I preach to him considerable, I have to. I should feel dreadful curious a standin' up in the desk, and takin' my text, I don't deny it, but," says I, in deep tones, " if the Lord calls a woman to preach — let her preach, Horace." " Paul says it is a shame for a woman to speak in pulilio," says Horace. Oh what a rush of idecs flowed under my foretop as Horace said this, but I .^poke prfct* ty calm, and says I, "I hain't nothin' agin Mr. Paul, I ibiuk 90 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. I he ii a real likely old baclicMer. But I put the words, and example of Jesua before thotn of any man, be he married, or be he single. " "Mon will quote Mr. Puul's remarks oon- cernin' wiramen not proacliin', and say he was inspired when he said that, and I any to 'em, " how is it about folks not marryin', he speaks full as piiited about that ?" " Oh !" they say, "he wazzn't int^pired when he said that," aud I say to 'cm, "bow can you tell — when a man is 18 or 19 hunlred years older than you be — how can you tell whau he was inapired and when he wazzn't, not beiu' a neighbour of his'en." And after all, Mr. Paul didn't seem to be so awful set on this subject, for he went right on to tell how a woman's head ought .to be tixed when she was a prayin' and a pruphecyin'. But in my opinion all that talk about wimmen was meant for that church he was a writin' to, for soma reason contined to that time, and don't apply to this day, or this village — and so with marryin'. When a man was liable to have hia head cut oil any minute, or to be eat up by lions, it wazzu't conven- ient to m>H.rry and leave a widder and a few orphans. That is my opinion, other people have theirn. But let folks quarrell all they have a mind to, as to whether Mr. Paul was inspired when he wrote thoaa things, or whether he wazzn't, this we knoio, that Jesus is a divine pattern for us to follow, and He chose a woman to carry the glad tidin's of His resurrection to the brethren. There was one woman who received her commission to preach ri^ht from the Al- mighty. "How dare any man to try to tie up a wo- man's tongue, and keep her from spcakin' of Him, when she was liis most tender and faithful friend whea He was on earth. It was wimmen who brought little children that He might bless 'em. Did He rebuke 'em for thus darin' to speak to Him pub- licly T No ; but He rebuked the men who tried to stop 'em. ' 'It was a women who anuointed His feet, wet *em with hor tears, and wipefi 'em with the hairs of her head. It was very precious ointment — but none too precioufn for Him she loved so. Some logical, clear minded men present thought it was too costly to waste on Him. Aud again Jesus rebniced 'em for troublin' the woman. It was in comfortin' a woman's lovin', achin' heart that Jesus wept. It was wimmen that stood by the cross to the very last and who stood by His grave weepin', when even Joseph had rolled a great stun against it and departed. And it was wimmen who came to the grave agin in the mortiin' while it was yet dark. And it was a woman that He first revealed Himself to after He rose. What if Mary had hung back, and refused to tell of Him, and the glory she had seen. Would He have been pleased ? No ; when God calls a woman to tell of the wonders of Hia love ami glory that He has revealed to her out of the darkness of this life, in the Lord's name let her answer. But let her be cer- tain that it is the Lord that is callin' her, there ia lots of preacher, of both sects in my opinion that pretend the Lord is a callm' 'em, when it is nothiu' but their owu vauity and seltishness that ia holleriu' to 'em." For pretty near J or J of a minute, Hor- ace set almost lost in de p thought, and when he broke out agin it was on the old theme. He said "wedlock is was woman's true spear. In the noble position of wife and mother, there lay her greatest happi- ness, and her only true spear." He talked pretty near nine minutes, I should think, on tliis theme. And he talked eloquent and grand, I will admit, and never did I see spectacles shine with such pure fervour and sincerity as hison. It impressed mo deep- ly. Says he in conclusion, " Marriage is God's own Institution. To be the wife of a good man, and the mother of his children, ought to be a woman's highest aim, and purest happiness. Jest as it is man's highest happiness to have a woman entirely dependant on him. It rouses hia noblest and most generous impulses, it moves his heart to do and dare and his arm to labour — to have a gentle^ bein' clingiu' to his manly strength." His eloquence so impressed me that I had no words to reply to him. And for the first time sense I had begun to foller up the sub- ject, my mind wavered back and forth, as Bunker Hill monument might, in a eloquent earthquake. I "ays to myself, "mebbe I am mistaken, mebbe marriage is woman's only true spear." I didn't know what to say to him, m> spectacles wandered aWout the room, and happened to light onto Betsy — (I had been so took np with my mission to Horace that I had forgot to introduce her) and as they lit, Horace, who saw I was deeply im- pressed, repeated something about "clingin"* and I says to him in a foolish and almost mechanical tone, "Yes Horace, I have seen dingers, here is one." Betsy riz right up, and come forrerd, and made a low curchy to him, aud set down tight to him, and says she, "Beloved and admired Mr. Horace Greeley, I am Betsy Bobbet the poetess of Jonesville, and you speak my sentiments exantly. I think, and I know that wedlock is woman's only ti'ue spoah. I do not think wimmen ought to have any rights at all. I do not think she ought to want any. I think i is A VISIT TO HORACE. •1 lad I rat lb- as ;nt ixa x\y to im, ad \oe laa kst \i» ^d il I 8 In l»t 19 r««l aweet and crnteel in her not to have any righta. I thiiilc that to be the clineing, devoted wife of a noble huaband would be almoat a hf wen below. I do not think she ought to have any other trade at all only wedlock. I think ahe ought to be perfectly dependent on men, and jeat clinc to them, and oh hnw aweet it would be to be in that state. Plow happyfyins to males and to females that wouM be. 1 do not believe in wimmen having thoir way in anything, or to set up any beliefs of their own. For oh ! how beautiful and perfectly sweet a noble manly mind is. How I do love your intellect, dear- est Mr. Horace Greeley. How is your wife's health dear man ? Hamt I read in the papers that her health was a failing ? And if sho should drop off, should you think of enter- ing again into wedlock T and if you did, should you nut prefer a woman of genius, a poetess, to a woman of clay ?" Her breath give out here, and she paused. But oh what a change had come over Hoiace's noble and benign face, as Betsy spoke. As she begun, his head was thrown back, and a eloquent philosoHcal expression set onto it. But gradually it had changed to a expression of dread and almost anger, and as she finished, his head sunk down onto his breast, and he sithed. I pitied him, and I spoke up to Betsy, says I, "I haint no more nor less than a clay woman, but I know enough to know that no man can answer 25 or 26 questions to once. Give Horace time to find and reoover himself." Betsy took a bottle of hartshorn and a pair of scissors, outen her pocket, and ad- vance! onto him, and says she in tender cooin' tones. "Does your intellectual head ache? Let me bathe that lofty forwerd. And oh ! dearest man, will you hear my one request that I have dreampt of day and night, will you — will you give me a lock of your noble hair ?" Horace rose up from his chair precipitately and come close to me and sot down, bringiu' me between him and Betsy, and then he says to her in a fearless tone, " You can't have a hair of my head, I haint got much as you can see, but what I have got belongs to my wife, and to America. My wife's health is better, and in case of her droppin' off, I should't never marry agin, and it wouldn't be a poetess ! thou^ " says he wipin' his heated forwerd, " I repect 'em as a Race." Betsy was mad. Says she to me, "lam a goin'. I will wait for you to the depott." And before I could say a word, she started off. As the door closed she says in clear tones, "Horace, I have watched you for years — a laberin' for truth and justice and liftin' up the oppressed, I have realized what you have done for the Black African. Yoa nave done more for that Race than any other man in America, and I have respected you for it, as much as if I was a Black African myself. But never I never did I respect you as I do this minute." Says I, " if every married man and woman had your firm and almost cast iron principles, there wouldn't (be such a call for powder and bullets among married folks as there is now. You have riz in my estimation 25 cents within the last 7 or 8 minutes." Horace was still almoat lost in thought, and he didn't reply to me. He was a settiu' about hall or 3 quarters of a yard from me, and I says to him mildly, " Horace, it may be as well for you to go back now to your former place of settin', which was about two and a half yards from me." He complied with my reonest, mechanically as it was. But he seemed still to be almoat lost in thought. J*^inally he spoke — as he wiped the sweat off that had started out onto his eye brow — these words, " I am not afraid, nor ashamed to change my mind, Josiah Allen's wife, when I am honestly convinced 1 have been in an error. Says he, "It is cowards only that cling out' wardly to thier old mouldy beliefs, for fear they shall be accused of being inconsistent and fickle minded." Says I, " That is just my opinion Horace ! I have been cheated by pickin' out a calico dress in the eveuin'. Things look different by daylight, from w^at they do by candle light. Old beliefs that nave looked first rate to you, may look different under the brighter light of new discoveries. As you rise higher above the earth you see stars you couldn't ketch sight of in a suller way. And the worlds cry of hckle mindedness, may be the angels war whoop, settiu' us on to heavenly warfare'." Horace seemed acrin to bo almost lost in thought, and I waited respectfully, for him to hnd and recover himself* Finally he " I have been sincere Josiah Allen's wife, in thinkin' that matrimony was woman's only spear, but the occurances of the past 25 or 30 minutes has convinced me that wimmea may be too zealous a carryin' out that spear. I admit Josiah Allen's wife, that any netr state of public affairs that would make woman more independent of matrimony, less zealous, less reckless in handlein' that spear, might be more or less beneficial both to her* self, to man." Here he paused and sithed. He thought of Betsy. But I spoke right up in glad and triumphant tones, " Horace, I am ready to depart this minute il IMAGE EVALUATION TEST TARGET (MT-3) 1.0 I.I 1.25 IIIM IM IM |||||2J^ 12.0 .8 1-4. 1111.6 -^ e. ^ CW ^^# .^. '# n a solemn voice would sometimes make itself heard in my sole, " Mebby yon neyer will hear him snore a([in." And then I would aitho heavily. And the driver on the tow path wonld loudly ourse that dangerous aniual und tho wind wonld howl Vound the boxes, and tV- stove pipe would rattle, and Bets^ write poetry rapidly, and I knsn I 94 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. \m to hear it. And so the tegus night wore away. Finally at ^ past 2, wore out ae I was with fateecue and wakefuUnesa, Betsy ceased writin' and says she, " It is done I I will read them to you." I sithed so deeply that even Betsy almost trembled, and says she, "Are you in pain, Josiah Allen's wife?** Says I, "Only in my mind." "Wall," says" I, "it is indeed a fearful time. But somehqw my soul exults stransely in the perils environing ns. I feel like courtin' and keepin' company with danger to-night. I feel as if I could almost dare to mount that steed wildly careering along the tow path, if I only bad a side saddle. I feel like rushin' into dangeh, I feel recklesit to-night." Here the driver swore fearfully, and still more apaulin' sight to me, Betsy opened her paper and conmienced readin' : STANZES, WRITTEN ON THE DEEP. BT BETST BOBBET. The ffronnd Bcems hollow unto me : Men's v^sts but ma^k deep perfldee ; My lif<^ has towered so bard and steep, I seek the wild and raging deep, Such gnawing pains my soul doth rack. That even the wild horse on the track Doth riadly prance, and iinort and leap; Welcome the horrors of the deep. Oh, JonesvlUe! on that peaceful shoah, Methinks I'll see thy towehs no nioeh. When morn wakes happy, thoughtless she^ Betsy may slumbeh in the deep. If far from thee my bones are doomed. In these dark waves to be cntoomed. Mermaids I hope will o'er her weep. Who drounded was, within the deepb De^'r Augurhoves in ruin lays; My Ebineezah 1 could not raise : Deah lost gazelles, I can but weep. With gloomy eyes bent o'eh the deep. One Slimpsey star, whose name is Simon, Still twinkles faint, like a small sized diamond ; Oh, star of hope 1 sithe, I weep. Thou tthinest so faint across the deep. There was between 20 and 30 verses of 'em, but truly it is always the darkest jest before daylight, for as she wat; a readia' of 'em, I — a leanin' back in my chair -dropped off to sleep, and forgut my trouble. Betsy also vent to sleep before she read the last of ,'em. And when I waked up, the boat had stopped in front of our house, the wind had gone down, the sun was a shin'In', and Josiah was comin' down to the bank. The danger was all past — Home and Josiah was mine agin. I grasped holt of tits hand as he heli)ed me get on, and a voice tremulous with fceiio's I could net o mtrol I mid. " I have got home Josiah I is breakfast ready ? " There was a tenderness in his tone, and % happy smile on his face that reminded n^ of the sweet days of our courtship, as he answer* ed me in a tone almost husky with emotion, " Yes Samantha, all butsettin' the table." Says I, " I'm glad of it, for I'm dreadful hungry." OLD FRIEITDB IST NEW GARMEirTS. It was a lovely Monday forenoon some three or four weeks after my voyage. I was a sittin' near the open back door enjoyin' the pleasant prospect, and also washin' some new potatoes for dinner. Truly it was a fair scene. The fenthered hers was a singin' in their innocent joy as they scratched the yieldin' turf after bugs and worms. Old "Hail the Day" was proudly strattin' round, standin' first on one foot and then on the other, and crowin' joyfully in his care- less freedom and glee. The breezes blew sweetly trom the west, and I thought with joy that my clothes on the clothes line would be ready to iron by the time I got dinner out of the way. The sun shone down out of ft blue and cloudless sky, and I looked pensive- ly at my greeu gages, and thought fondly how the sun was a ripenin' 'em. All nature was peaceful and serene, and my mind as I gently scraped the large fhir potatoes, and thought how good they was goin' to be with the baked lamb I had got in the oven, was as feaceful and serene as the same. Suddenly heard the gate click to and I saw old Mr. Bobbet comin' up to the house. He seemed dreadfully agitated, and I could hear him talkiu' to himself. He came right into the door and took his hat off in one hand, holdin* his crooked cane in the other and swung 'em both over his head to once, and says he, " It's done 1 It's done I" " What's done,'' gays I droppin' ray knife onto the floor. "Betsy's gone ! " shouted he, and he raa out the door like a luny. I was a most skairt to death, and remain- ed motionless nigh onto a minute, when I heard Josiah comin in. Little did I dream what a blow was comin' onto me. He come and stood rieht in front of me, and I thought at the time, lie looked at me dreadful curious, bnt I kepon a scrapin' my potatoes, (I had got 'em most done. ) Finally all at once Josiah spoke up and says he, * ' Betsy Bobbet is married. " I dropped the pan of potatoes right down onto the ftoor for 1 was as weak as a weak white oat. "fVho ! Josiah Aileu 1 who 1. is the intMi ♦•' s a n t t] h oi th 81 OLD FRIENDS IN NEW GARMENTS, 95 knife main* len I Iream come ought rions. I had >&d down Iweak HO I it — "Simon Slimpaey," says he. They were married last night — as I was comin' by the old cider mill " " I see all through it," says I monmfnlJy. '"'He and seven or eight of his children have been sick, and Betsy would go and take care of 'em.» " Yes," lays Josiah, "As I was comin' past the old cider null '* Says I with spirit, "It ought to be looked into. He was a helpless old man, and she has took the advantage of him." I went on trarmly, for I thought of his gloomy four- bodin's, and I always felt for the oppressted and imposed upon. I had went on 1 presume as much as 2 minutes and a i when Josiah says he* " I wouldn't take on so about it Saman* tha, anybody to hear you talk would think yon was a perfect farrago." Says I. "If I was a goin' to abuse my wife and call her names I would do it accordin' to grammar, you mean "virtiao" Josiah." "Wall I saidvirtigo, didn't I?" Josiah never will own that he is in the wron^. "And I didn't say you wcw a virtigo Sa- mantiia, only anybody would take vou foi a virtigo, that didn't know you. ' I remained almost lost in sad thoughts for pretty nigh ^ a minute, and then 1 says, in mournful tones, "Have you heard any of the particulars Josiah ? Have you seen any of the relatives? was the old man any more reconciled to the last?" "Yes," says Josiah, "As I was comin* by the old cider mill " " Wall do for conscience sake come by the old cider mill, and be done with it," says I, feelin' worried out in my mind and by the aide of myself. "How be I goin' to get by Samantha? you are so agriivatin', you'll never let me finish a story peacible, and I should think it was about dinner time." "So 'tis" says I soothinly, hangin' on the teakettle, and puttin' the potatoes over the stove in the summer kitchen. For a lone and arduous study of the sect has convinced me that good vittles are more healin'than oil to pour onto a man's lacerated f<;elin's. And the same deep study has warned me never to cet mad at the same time Josiah does, on tnese 2 great pbilisofical laws, hangs all the harmony of married life. Then I stepped out onto the stoop agin, and says to him in calm, affectionate accents, " What is it abont the old cider mill, Josiah T" "Nothin'," says he, "Only I met one of the first mouinera— I mean oae of old Slitapsey's siaters there, and she told me abettt it, she said that souse the Editer of the Augur was married, and sense Betsy had got back from New York she had acted like a wild crtter. She seemed to thmk it was now or never. The awful doom of not bein' married at all, seemed to fall upon her, and craze her with wild horror. And tindin' Slimpsey who was a weak sort of a man anyway, and doubly weakened now by age and infiamatory rheumatism, she went and took care of him, and got the upper hand of him, made him a victim and married him, at his own houfle, Sunday night at half-past seven." I was so lost in sorrowful thought as Josiah continued the mournful tale, that Josiah says in a soothin' tone, "You ought to try to be reconciled to it, Samantha, it seems to be the Lord's will that she should marry him." "I don't believe in layin* every mean low lived thing to the Lord, Josiah, I lay this to Betsy Bobbet ;" and I a^in plunged down in- to gloomy thought, and was roused only by his concludin' words, "Seems to me Samantha, you might have a few griddle cakes, the bread — I see this morn- in'— was gettin' kinder dry." "Mechanically I complied with his request tor my thoughts wasn'there, they was with the afflicted, and down trodden. One week after this I was goin' up the post ofiice steps, and I cnme face to face with Simon Slimpsey. He had grown 23 years older durin' the past week. But he is a shiftless, harmless critter hurtin' himself more'u anybody else. He was naturally a small boned man. In the prime of his man- hood he might have come up to Betsy's shoulders, but now withered by age and grief the highest hat was futile to bring him up much abjve her belt ribbon. He looked sad indeed, my heart bled for him. But with the instinctive delicacy inherient to my sect, I put on a jokeular tone^ and says I, as 1 shook hands with him " How do you do, blmon T I hain't seen you before, sense vou was married, Simon Slimpsey. " He looked at me almost wildly in the face, and says he in a despairin' tone, "I knew it would come to this. Miss Allen I I knew it. I told you how it would be, you know I did. She always said it was her spear to marry, I knew I should be the one, I always was the one." "Don't she use you well, Simon Slinip* •ey?" "She is pretty hard on me," says be. '* 1 hain't had m^ wny in anything sense th# day she mamed mo. She began to ' hold my nose to the grindstone,' a« the saying isL before we had been married £ hours. Ana she hain't no hoasekoeper, nor cook, I half OS MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'3. '!!*! had to live on pancalcea most of the time Bense it took place, and thisy are tou;;her than leather ; I have been most tempted to cut some out of my boot legs to see if they wouldn't be tenderer, but I never should hear the end of it if I did. She jawa me aiv- fully, and orders me round aa if I was a dog, • yellerdog — " he added deapairin'Iy, "if I was a yeuer dog, she couldn't seem to look down o a me any more, and treat me any worse." Says I, "I always did mistrust these wim- men that talk so much about not wantin' »tty rights, and clingin' and so forth. But," «.^ys I, not wantin' to run anybody to thier backs, " she thought it was her spear to marry." "I told you," says he, in agonizin' tones, "I told you that spear of hern would destroy me, and it has. " He looked so sorrowful that I says to him in still more jokeuler tones than I had yet used, '' Chirk up, Simon Slimpaey, I wish yx)u joy." I felt that he needed is indeed. He give me an awful look that wan jest about half reproach, and half anguish, and I see a tear begin to flow. I turned away respectin' his feelin's. As he went down the steps slowly, I see him put his hands in his pock- ets, aa if searchin' for his handkerchief, leemin'ly in vain. But he had on a loiig blue broadcloth swallow tailed coat that he was married in the first time long years ago, and aa he went round the corner n<^ took up the skirts of his coat and wiped his eyes. I said to myself with a deep si the, " And this is woman's only speur." And the words awakened in my breast as many aa 19 or 20 dififereut emotions, and I don't know but more. I murmured mewsin'ly to myself, "Itoeems to me, if I was a woman I should about as lives be a constable. " While I was still mewdin', Betsy, his wile tore down the street, in a distracted way, and paused before me. " Have you seen my husband T" says she, "can you tell a distracted wife — have you seen her husband Simon Slimpsey ?" She looked wild, as if she feared a catas- trophe, and she cried out, loosin' holt of her ■elf control, in a firm constable like tone, " He shall not escape me ! I will telegraph to the next station bouse ! I will have the creek dragged 1 the woods shall be scoured out !" says she. "Be calm, and compose yoursM if," sajrs I frigidly, " Simon Slimpsey has gone up to- l%ard& the house." She heaved a deep si the of content, and triumph agin brooded down upon her eye- brow as she follered on after him. J, Jiifl|dn't DO ideeof oallin' on k9r,l WPnldil'tv but thft next day, Simon Slimpsey went by on his old white horse. It is a very dejeot«:d lookin' horse in the face, besides carryin' a couple of wash-boards in its sides, in the line of ribs. Thomas Jefferson says, " What S'vesitits mournful expression, it is mournin' r the companions of its youth." Says he, " you know Noah saved a pair of every- thing," and says he, "his poor companioa passed away several thousand years ago." That boy worrys me, I don't know what he is comin' to. Slimpsey's old horse hain't more'n ?5 or 40 years old, I don't believe. They say Betsey is makint a pale blue can* brir ridiu' drass, and is goin' to ride him a horse back this fall. It don't seem to ma there would be much fun in it, he is so lame, besides bavin' a habit of fallin' frequently with the blind staggers ; howsomever its none of my business. But as I was a sayin' I stood silently in tha door, to see old Slimpsey go by a horseback, and I thought to myself as I pensivisiy turned out my tea grounds, (I was a gettia' dinner) how much— how much it looks like a night mare that has broken out of its lawful night pastures, andiarunnin'away with a pale atfd harassed victim. So haggard and melancholy did they bjth look. And I sithed. I hadn'fc much more'n got through sithin', when ha rode up, and says he, " The seventh boy is worse, and the twin girls are took down with it, it would be a melankoly pleasure Miss Allen if you could go up." I went. , , B.-tsy had got the most of 'em to sleep, and was settin' between a few cradles, and trundle beds, and high chairs all filled with measles, and a few mumps. Betsy's teetn was out, and her tow frizzles la; on the tuhlfi with a lot of paper — so I mistrusted she had been writin' a poem. But she was now en- gaged in mendin' a pair of pantaloons, the 8th pair — she told me — she had mended that day, tor Simon Slimpsy was a poor man, and couldn't afford to buy new ones. They wa^ a hard and nournful lookin' pair, and says I to her— in a tone in which pity and cont-mpit was blended about half and half — , " Betsy are you happy ? " " I am at reat," says she, more at rest than I have been for years." "Are you bappy ? " says I, lookin' keenly at her. *' I feel real dignified," eajs she. " Thera isn't no use in a woman tryin' to be digni^ 6ed till she is iharried, for she caH't. I have tried it and I know. I can truly say^ Josiah Alleti's wife, f hat 1 nevch knew what dignity was, until one week ago last Sunday njght at half-past seven in the evening," says sne. turaii)' over the pantalwus, aaA OLD FRIENDS IN NEW GAEMENTS. 97 and with teeta tubla 3 had )W en- he 8th t day, and y wa^ saya I t than teenly JThere IdignU Icatt't. |y aay* what |imda^ ' saya as A pityin "You says to uttactin' a ghastly hole of about 7 by 9 dimensions in the left knee. I sot silently in my chair like a statute, while she remarked thus, and as she paused I says to her agin, fixing my mild but stern grey eyes upon her weary form, bendin* over the dilapitated folds of the 8th. " Are you happy, Betsy ?" "I have got something to lean on," says she. I thought of the fragile foim bendin' over the lean and haggard horse, and totterin' away, withered by age and grief, in the swallow tailed coat, cud says I in a accent, " Don't lean too hard, Betsy." "Why?" says she. Says 1, in a kind of a blind way, may be sorry if you do," and then I her in clear and piercin' accents these- words, " Do you love your husband, Betsy ?" "I don't think love is necessary," says ahe, "I am married, which is enough to satisfy any woman who is more or less reasonable, that is the main and important thing, and as I have said, loye and respect, and so forth are miners, as — " Miners !" says I, in a tone of deep in- dignity. " Miners ! Betsy Bobbet — " " Mrs. Betsy Bobbet Slimpsey," says she, correctin' of me proudly, as she attacted another mournful look In' hole bm big as my two hands. " Well ! Betsy Slimpsey !" says I, be- ginnin' again, and wavin' my right hand in a eloquent wave, "There hain't no more beautiful sight on earth than to see two human soles, out of puie love to each other, gently approachin' each other, as if they must. And at last sU their hopes and thoughts, and affections i-unnin' in together, so you can't separate 'em nohow, jest like two drops of rain water, in a mornin' glory blow. And to see 'em nestlin' there, nor not carin' for nobody outside the blow, con- tented and bound up in each othar, till the sun evaporates 'em, (as it were) and draws 'em up together into the heaven, not separ- atiu' of 'em up there — why such a marriage a!j that is a sight that does men and angels (;ood to look at. But when a woman sells herself, swaps her purity, her self-respect, her truth, and her sole, for barter ot any kind, such as a house and lot, a few thou- sand dollars, the name of bein' married, a horse and buggy, some jewellry, and etcetery, and not only sells herself, but worse than the Turk wimmen goes round herself, huntin' crazy. up a wcn't buyer, crazy, wild eyed, afraid she find none — when she does find one, suppose she does have a minister for sales- man, my contempt mitisiabie " for that female is un- Betsy stJl looked so wrapped up in dignity, as she bravely attacted the seat of another pair of trousers, that it fairly made me mad. lusted of that proud and triumphant mean I wanted her to look some stricken, and I re- sumed in a tonp of indignaty, almost bumipi' enough to set tire to her apron, "Nor I don't want these wimmen that have sold themselves for a certificate with a man's name to it — I don't want to hear 'em talk about infamy; haint they infamons themselves? What have they done different from these other bad wimmen, only they have got a stiddy place, and a little better wages, such as respectability in the eyes of fools and etcetery. Do you suppose that a woman standin' up in front of a minister and tellin' a few pesky lies, such as, ' I promise to love a man I hate, and respect a ii? :in that hain't respectable, and honour and obey a man I calculate to make toe the mark ' — do you suppose these few lies makes her any purer in the eyes of God, than if she had sold herself without tellin' 'em, as the othor infamous wimmen did ? Not any. Marriage is like baptism, as I have said more'n a hundred times, you have got to hava the in- ward grace and the outward form to make it lawful and right. What good does the water do, if you) sole haint baptised with the love of God ? It haint no better than fallin' into the creek." I paused, spotted in the face from con- flictin' em'^ons, and Betsy begun in a haughty triumphant tone, " Womans speah — " Which words and tone combined with re- collections of the aged sufferer in the blue swallow tailed coat, so worked on my in- dignation, that I walked out of the house without listenin' to another v/ord, and put on my bunnet out in the d jor yard. But I hollered back to her from the bars — for Josiah Allen's wife haint one to desert duty in any crisis — "that the four youngest boys ought to be eweat, and take some saf- fern tea, and I should give the five girls, and the twins, some catnip, and I'd let the rest of 'em be, till the docter come." I haint seen Betsy since, for she is havin' a hard time of it. She has to work like a dog. For Simon Slimpsey bein' so poor, and not bein' no calculator, it makes it hard foj 'em to get along. And the old man seems to have lost what little energy he had, since he was married, Betsy is so hard on him. He has the horrors awfully. Betsy takes in work, but they have a hard time to get along Miss Gowdey says that Betsy told her that she didn't mind workin' so hard, but she did hate to give up writin' poetry, but she didn't get no time for it. So as is jenerally the 03 MY OPINIONS AND BETSY BOBBET'S. case, a ftjcbot good to the world has come out of her sufferin'. I )^ue83 ^;he haint wrote but one piece sense she was married, and they was wrote, I sup- pose, the day I ketched her with her teeth ou4;, for the come out in the next week's Oimlet, for just as quick as the Editor of the Auger was married, Betsy changed her politix and wrote agin as formally for the Oimlet. The following are some of the verses she wrote : I AM MARRIED NOW. A Him of Victory. BY MRS. BETSY SLIMP3ET knee BOBBET. Fatft, I defy thee t I have vanquished thee, old maid. l)03t ask why thus, this proud triumphant brow? I answer thee, old Fate, with loud and joyful burst Of blissful laughteh, I am marrier'. now ! Once grief did rave about my lonely head ; Once I did droop, as droops the drooping willow bough ; Once I did tune my liah to doleful strains : 'Tis past I 'tis past my soul ! I am married now! .Then, sneering, venomed darts pierced my lone, lone heart ; Then, mocking married fingers dragged me low. But now I tune my liah to sweet extatic strains. My teahs have ah been shed, lam married now! No gossip lean can wound me by her speech, I, no humiliatiu' neveh more shall know ; Sorrow, stand off 1 I am beyond thy ghastly- reach. For Mrs. Betsy Slirapsey (formerly Bobbet) is married nov 1 Oh, morrnful past, when I in Ingun file Climbed single life's bleak, rocky, raounten's brow, Blest lot ! that unto wedlock's glorious glade Hath led me. Betsy's married now ! Oh female hearts with anxious longings stirred. Cry Ho 1 for wimmen's speah, and seal it with a vow, Take Mrs. Betsy Bobbet Slirapsey's word That thou shalt triumph ! Jam married now ! Yes, Betsy's married now ! sweet to meditate upon it. To tune my haughty liah with haughty, laugh- ing brow To those sweet, glorious words, the burden of my sonnet. That Mrs. Betsy Bobbet SJimpsey's married now 1 aOBACE AND JOSIAIE. When the news come to me that Horace Greeley was dead I almost cried. The tears did just run down my face like rain-water, I don't know when I have come nearer cryin* than I did then. And my tirst thought was, they have tried awful hard to keep him out of the "White House, but he has got into one vhiter than any they have got in Washing- ton, D. C. And thon my very next thought was, Josiah Allen's wife did you say any- thing to hurt that man's feelin's, when yoa was atryin' to influence him on your tower ? I believe if folks would only realize bow every harsh word, and cold look they stab lovin' he^t-'i with, would just turn round like bayonets, and pierce their own heart in a time like this — tliey would be more care- ful how they handled 'em. But glad was I to think that I didn't say a hard word to him, but I had freed my mind, and told him jest how good I thought he was, and ho^;v much he had dona for the Black African, and the Human Race, before it was too late. Jlad enough was I that I didn't wait till chat noble heart was cold and lifeless, and couldn't be pained by unkindness, or made gladder by sympathy, before I gin him mine. But in the time of trouble, the love that had been his best reward for all the successes of his hard workiu' lifu, had t;one from him. And I know jest how that great heart ached for that love and sympathy. I know jest how poor the praise of the world would hare looked to him, if he could have seen it a shinin' througti. ihem lovin' eyes — and how hard ft was for him to bear its blame alone. Tired out, defeated the world called him, but he only had to fold his hands, and shet his eyes up and he was crowned with success in that world where He, who was once rejected by a majority, crowned with thorns nf earthly i lef eat waits now to give the crown of EterjLal Repose to all true souls, aU the weary warriors on life's battle field who give their lives for the right. And it seemed so kinder beautiful too, to think that before she he loved so, hardly had time to feel strange in them "many mansions," he was with her agin, and they could keep hotise to- gether all through Eternity. Yet — though as I say, I don't know when I have come so near cryin' as I did then — I said to myself as I wiped my eyefS on my apron, I wouldn't call him back from that happy rest he had earnt so well if I could. But there are other things that are worry- some to me, and make me a sight of trouble. It was a day or 2 after this, and I was settin' alone, for Josiah had gone to mill, and Thomas Jefferson and Maggy Snow and Tirzah Ann and Whitfield Minkley had gone a slay ridin', (them two affairs is in a flour- ishin' condition and it is very agreeable to Josiah and me, though I make no matches, nor break none — or that is, I don't mak«3 none, only by talkin' in a encouragin' manner, nor break none only with thorough- wert in a mild why.) I sot all alone, a cuttin' carpet rags, and a HORACE AND JOSIAH. 99 vrhen Un — I )ii my from lUif I \ ' and a musin' sadly. Victorv in jail ! And though I felt that she richly deserved it, and I ihould liked to have shut her up myself in our Buller way, for darin' to slander Beecher, stiil to me who knows her sect so well, it seemed kinder hard that a woman should be where she couldn't go a visatin'. And then to think the good talkin' to I give her when I was on my tower hadn't ammounted to nothin' seemin'ly. 1 wasn't sorry I had laboured with her — not a mite, 1 had did my duty anyway. And I knew jest as well as I know that my name was formally Smith, that when anybody is a workin' in the Cause of Right, they hadn't ought to be discouraged if they didn't get their pay down, for you can't sow your seeds and pick your posy's the same day anyway. And I know that gfeat idees was enough sight harder to get rooted and a growin' than the Century plant, and that takes a hundred years for it to blow out. 1 know all this, but human nater gets kinder tired a waitin', and there seems no end to the snows that lay between us and that summer that all earnest souls are a workin' for. And then I want my sect to do right, — I ^ant 'em to be rf al respectable.and I felt that take Victory all togetlier she wasn't a orniment to it. sect, and then I thought tnen I sithed. Beecher a Tilton ditto and the see / don't nor won'c believe what Victory says against 'em, although they don't come out and deny the truth of it, either of 'em, just to satisfy some folks who say that thcj ought to. Miss Anthony havin' a hurU tussel of it at Rochester. "Whitfield Minkley had told me too. that day, that Miss Aster didn't keep tavern herself, and there I had had all my trouble about her for nothin', demeanin' n)yself by offerin' to wash dishes for — 1 know not who. And to think that Jonothan Beans'es ex- wife should have deceived me so, whea I befriended her so much when she first went to grass. And then when I thought how all the good advice I had given Victory hadn't done her no good, and how Mr. Greeley had died, before the seeds I sowed in his bosom on the great question of Wimmen's Rights had sprouted anr' brought forth fruit, when I see my tower had been in vain, say nothin' of the money it cost, oh 1 how holler the world looked to me, it almost seemed as' if it would break in and let me through, rockin' chair and all. _ As I sot there a mewsin' over it, and a cut- ijn' my rags, I almost made up my mind that I would have the dark stripe in my carpet black as coal, the whole on it, a'^ort of mournin' stripe. But better feelin's got up I thought of my of Victory, and beiu' lied about, same, for you inside of my mind, and I felt that I would put in my but'nut colour rather than waste it. y^t oh how holler and onstiddy every, thing looked to me; who could I trust, whoue apron string could I cling to, without ex- pectin' it would break on short with me? For pretty nigh 2 minutes and a half 1 had the horrors almost as bad as Simon. Slimpspy, (he has 'em now every day stiddy, Betsy is so hard on him), but oh how sweetly in that solemn time there came to me the thought of Josiah. Yes, on that worry- some time I can truly say that Josiah Allen was my theme, and I thought to myself, there may be handsomer men than he is, and and men that weigh more by the steelyards, but there hain't one to be found that hfis heftier morals, or more well seasoned prin- ciples than he has. Yes, Josiah Allen was my theme, I felt that I CQuld trust ipy Josiah. I guess I had got mewsin' agin on jails and wickedness, and so 4th, for all of ,a sudden the thought knocked aginst my heart, "What 'if Josiah Allen Bho"1d go to cuttin' up, and behavin' ?" I wouldn't let the thought in, I ordered it out. But it kep' a hangin' round, — , , "What if your Josiah should go to cuttin* up?'' I argued with it ; sayn I to myself, I guess I know Josiah Allen, a likelier man never trod shoe leather. I know him like a book. But then think'cs I — what strange critters men and Avimmen be. Now you may live with one for years, and think you know every crook and turn in that critter's mind, jest like a book; when lo ! and behold ! all of *a sudden a leaf will be turned o\er, that had been glued together by sonic circumstance or other, and there will be readin' that you never set eyes on before. Sometimes it is an unknown tongue — somctimea it is good readin', and then again, it is bad. Oh now gloomy and depressted I was. But Josiah Allen's r e haiut one to give up to the horrers Wichout a tussle, and though inward- ly so tosted about, I rose up and with a brow of calm, I sot my basket of carpet rags be- hind the door, and quietly put on the tea- kettle, for it was about time for Josiah to come. Then I looked round to see if there w»s anything I could do to make it look more pleasant than it did for Josiah Allen when he came home cold and tired from the Jones- ville mill. It never was my way to stand stun still in the middle of the floor and smile at him from half to three-quarters of an hour. Yet it was ahvays my idee that if a woman can't make home the pleasantest spot in the world for her husband, she needn't complain if he won't ftny there Adv Jx 100 MY OPINIONS AND BETHY BOBBET'S. believe there a meanderin' and all aorta had a bright more than he can help. I wouldn't be so many men off nij{lita into grog shops, of wickedness, if they home and a cheerful companion to draw 'em back (not but what men have to he correctea occasionally, I have to correct Josiah every little while.) But good land 1 It is all I can do to get Josiah Allen and Thomas Jetferson out of the house long enough to mop. I looked round the room, as I said, but not a thing did I see that I could alter for the better; it was slick as a pin. The paint- ed floor was a shinin' like yaller glass (I had mopped jest before dinner.) The braided mats, mostly red and green, was a layin' smooth and clean in front of the looking- glass, and before the stove, and table. Two or three pictures, that Thomas Jefferson had framed, hung up aginst the wall, which was papered with alight coloured buff ground work with a red rose on it. The lounge and two or three rockin chairs was cushioned with handsome copper plate. And Tirzah Ann had ^ot a hangin' basket of ivy on the west winder that made that M'inder look like summer. I'll bet her canary hangin' there in the thick- est of the green leaves, thought it was sum- mer, he sang like it. The stove hearth shone like a silver dollar, and there was a bright fire, and in a minute the tea-kettle began to sing most as loud as Whitey, that is the canary's name. (I mistrust she named it in that kinder underhanded way, after Whit- field Miukley — tliough I never let her know I mistrusted it, but I never could think of any other earthly reason why she should call t Whitey, for it is as yaller as any goslin' I ever laid eyes on. ) I felt that I couldn't alter a thing round the house for the better. But as I happened to glance iip into the lookin' glass, I see that although I looked well, my hair was slick and I had on a clean gingham dress, my brown and black plaid, still I felt that if I should pin on one of Tirzah Ann's bows that lay on wie little shelf under the lookin'-glass I mis;ht look more cheerful and pleasant in the eyes of my companion Josiah. I hain't made a practice of wearin' bows sense I jined the meetin'-house. And then again I felt that I was too old to wear 'em. Not that I felt bad about growin' old.. If it was best for us to have summer all the year round, I know we should have it. As I have said to Josiah Allen more'n once when he got kinder doun hearted, says I, Josiah Allen look up where the stars are shinin' and tell me if you think that with all them countless worlds, with all that wealth in His hands, and his lovin' heart, the Lord begruchea anything that is for His children'* good. No ! I am willin' to tako God's year as it conies, summer and winter. And then do you s'pose I would if I could by turning my hand over, go back into my youth agin, and leave Josiah part way down hill alone ? No I the sunshine and the iiiornin' are on the other side of the hill, and we are goin' down into the shadders, my pardner, Josiah and me. But we will go like Mr. and Mrs. Joseph John, that Tirzah Ann sings about — "Hand In hand well go And we'll sleep togelher at the foot." knowing that beyond them shadders m the sunshine of God's Great Mornin'. As I said, I don't make a practice of wearin* bows, and this bein' fire red, I should have felt a awful backslidin' feelin' about wearin* it' if I hadn't felt that principle waa upholdin' me. Then I drawed out the table, and put on a clean white table-cloth, and began to set it. I had some good bread and butter, I had baked that day, and my bread was white as Snow, and light as day, some canned peaches, and sorre thin slices of ham as pink as a rose, andastrawberrypie — oneofmy cans had bust that day, and I made 'em up into pies. And then I brought up some of my very best cake such as I keep for company— fruit cake, and delicate cake. And then after I had put on a great piece of white honey in a glass dish, and some cheese that was like cream for rich- ness, the table looked welL I had got the tabic all set, and had jest opened the door to see if he was a comin*, whon lo I and behold ! there he stood on the door-step— he had come and put his horses out before I see him. He looked awful de- prested, and before he got the snow half offen his boots, says he : " That new whip I bought the other day is gone, Samantha. Some feller stole it while I was gettin' my grist ground." ^ays I, "Josiah, I have been amewsin'on the onstiddiness, and wickedaess of the world all day, and now that whip is gone. What is the world a comin' to, Josiah Allen?" Josiah is a man that don't say much, but things wear on him. His face looked several inches longer that it usially did, and he ansM'ered in a awful depressted tone: " I don't know, Samantha, but I do know, that I am as hungry as a bear." "Wall," says I, soothingly, "I thought you would be, supper's all on the table." He stepped in, and the very minute that man ketched sight of that cheerful room, and that supper table, that man smiled. And it wasn't a sickly, deathly smile either, it was a amile of deeo inward iov and contentment. 1 c HORACE AKD JOS/AH. 101 ni, and Anii ifc t was a .tinent. I i j&id says he in a sweet tone, "it seems to me you have got a awful good supper to-night, oamantha." As I see that smile, and looked into that honest beamin' face, I jest turned out them gloomy forebodin's about him, out of my heart, the whole caboodle of 'em, and shet the door in their faces. But I controlled my voice, till it sounded like a perfect stranger to me, and says I : " Don't I always get good suppers, Josiah Allen?" "Yea," says he, " and good dinners and breakfess'es, too. I will say this for you, Samantha, there haint a better cook in Jones- viUe, than you be, nor a woman that makes a pleasantcr home." And he went on pla- cidly, as he stood there with his back to the fire a warmin' him, a lookin* serenely roiud that bright warm room, and ont' that supper table. " There haint no place quite so good as home, is there, Samautha? haint supper about ready T " Says I, firmly, "The Cause of Right, and the Good of the Human Race will ever be dear to 'the soul of her who was formally Samantha Smith. But at the same time that don't bender me from thinkin' a sight of oiy hoiiie, and from ^ettin' good suppers. It will be ready, Josiah, jest as quick as the tea is steeped, I didn't want to make it till you come, for bilein' jest spiles that last tea fou got," and I went on in tones as firm as iymouth Rock, yet as tender as a spring chicken. " A.B I have said more'n a hundred times, if it is spelt right here there hain't another Buch a word aa home in the English language. The French can't spell it at all, and in my opinion that is jest what makes 'em so light minded and onstiddy. If it is spelt wrong, as in the case of Bobbet and Slimpsey, it means the horrors, and the very wont kinds of discomfort and misery. In fact love Is the only sohool-ma*- ter, that can put out that word worth a cent. And if it is put out by him, and spelt, for instance, by a couple who have loved each other for goin' on nfteen years, with a firm and almost cast iron affection, why it stands for peace and rest and comfort, and is the Plainest picture Ood has give us below, kinder as we put painted pictures in chil- dren's story books, of that great Home above, where the colours won't never rub off of the picture, and the peace and rest are everlasting. I had been real eloquent, I knew it, and Josiah knew it, for that man looked awful kinder earnest and serene like. Ue waa silent for mebby half or three quarters of • minute, and then he said in calm, gentle tones : "I guess I'll carry the grist up stairs before supper, Samantha, and liave it done with." There hain't a lazy hair in that!man'« head, and for that matter there hain't man> of any kind, either smart or shiftless, he grows bald every day, nr t that I blame him for it. He came down stairs, and we sot down to the table, happy aa a king and queen, for all the old world was a caperin' and cuttin' up as if it would go crazy. The little black- slidin' feelin' about wearin' that fire red bow died away too, as ever and anon, and I don't know but oftener, I would look up and ketch the eye of my companion Josiah bent on me in a pleasant and sort of a admiriu' way. Tiiat bow was becomin' to me I knew. For as Josiah passed me his second cup for his second cup of tea, (no dishwater stuff, I can tell you) he says : "I don't see what makes- you look sc Sonng and handsome, to-night, Samantha, I elieve I shall have to go to courtin' you over agin." And I answered him in the same agreea- ble accents, "I don't know as the law couiH touch you for it, Josiah, if you did." ih, but several uid he fHv wanK