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The prison doors are open — / am free ; Be this my messenger o''er land and sea. , , j , PUBLISHED BY IHE AUTHOR. , 1885. --?IIIS lit tic bonk ia liumljly dedicnUHl to the Prov- Q^'ji ^'T^'*' ^>^ ^'<'^^' l>l■>ln^^vvi(•k, :in(l tho Stiito of Mas- sfU'lmst'tts. hy one* wlio lius hnd so snd iin oxix'ricnce in tliis, tlu> sixty-sci'oiul year of lier nj4"e. tliat sho fools it to 1)0 lior iinporativo duty to lay it boforo tho public in snoli a maiinor as shall roaoh tho hoarts of tho poo- plo ill this hor nativo rroviuco, as also tho pooplo of Massachusotts, with whom sho had a rofiigo sinco driv- en from h( r own homo by tho St. John firo of 1:y to make aitilieial flowers I'oi' a wreath she her- self iiad made of cedar. She was making it for some friend in tlu* Asylum. Sh(> lU'ver goes out ; she wishes to go sometimes, hut jMrs.IMills seolds hei" a Httle, then she works on and says no more aljont it. Poor Maggy! ther(5 is notliing ailing her hut a, littler too much temper. She does all the dining-roon> work — washes dishes and many other things. Janijakv. — Tiiey have had a festival ; it was made, I suppose, to benelit some one here ; I don't know whom. It certainly did not l)enefit me any ; no one invit;ed me to go to the church where the festival was held, but Dr. Crookshank, the Assistant J^hvsician, looked at me very kindly and said, '^ Do come, Mrs. Fengilly, you may as well come." I looked at my dress (it is grey flannel, and I have had no other to change since I came here), " I can't go looking like this ; I nuist be a little better dressed to go into a public meeting of any kind ; I am not accustomed to go looking like this, with noth- ing on my neck." He said, "■ Very well, something shall come to you ;" and Mrs. Hays, who is Assistant Nurse in om* Ward, brought me a plate of food and fruit, such as is generally had at festivals. 1 have not had my trunk yet ; sure the bo^'s did not leave me here without my trunk. Perhaps they do not wish me to go in sight of people from the cit3% for fear they will recognize me, and I should make my com- plaints known to them. I have entreated them to give nie my trunk so many times in vain that I have given it up. I did ask Mrs. Mills, and she says, "Ask Mrs. Murphy, she has charge of the trunk room." I asked her ; she says she will see, and she will bring me what- ever I need that is in it. She puts me olT with a soft answer, until I begin to think there is nothing done for 5 any one hore, only what tlic.y ('.'uniot avoid. It is a 8nir-rumiinv no on(^ sciuns to know liow or wlu'n to do {inylhin so h:ipj)v t*» see nic loiikin;^; Ixltvf ; hi- is niort' loving tluui rvc?- ; he holds my tiaiKJ in his iind tells inc In; nill ttikc me out lor :i drive when Ih*' vvcMt h«r is liiu'. And I s;dd, "Oh L(>\vls, my dctii' hov, I am well eiion^h to 1:0 hojnc with yon to your holt! now." 1 so loni; for sonu* of Mrs. Hnrns' ^ood dtiniiM-.s ; hci' nirnls ni'c .'ill \\U'\\ and hen^ we Iinvo HiKih hoi I'id stn!l'. Dai'k-coloi'ed, sonr hakers' l)reiid, with uiisciahU' hntter, eonstitiitcs onr' hroakfast und tt.'a ; tin'ri' is oatincal porridii;** jind eiieap inol-isses at break fast, I Mity 1 eonid not eat that, it would he salts and Keinia I'oi- me At noon we have plenty of meat and veiTctahles, indill'crenMy cooked, but we don't re- quire food suitable Ibi- men vvoi kin<;" out ol" doors. We nei'd somelhinji,' t,o tempi the appetite a little. No niattci' wli.'it 1 sav. how earnest I v 1 ph'ad, he bo- lieves l)i'. Stervrs in prdereiieo t.o me. If I siionld die hero, he will still believe Di". Stecvcs, wiio looks so well they cannot think he would n)o. I fV'nr if they Icmvp Iut lu'r(» iniicli I'ligor who will iK^vcr locovt r hci* spiiits. Slu^ is .•irniis not liko to SCO lis tMlUiiiii;. I siipposi' slu' fc'irs wc will coinparo not( s to \\v\' (lisa th'- indiii'cnt |)atients. so J uot r* lie. ]\Iv son, Tom. gave nie so,«,e small silvt'i* some ■weeks ago, hut F was no better olf. No one would do me an errand outside. I hegged Mjs. Mills at dilferent limes to buy me some pins, and to \n\\ me .m extra ({uart of milk. I was so hungry for milk, hut sIk^ said it w^as against the ruU's of lh(> house. She gives me now a glass nearly full at bed lime, with one soda biscuit. 'J'his is the only luxui'V we have Ium'i' ; some others get the sann'. lti>bt'(ause I havi; tried to make her think we are her children, left in her care I said to her, *' * Feed mv lambs,' you are our Sheidierd ;" and she is if she only knew it. I have rjuoted the words of Ilim wliose e\am))l(^ we should all follow : " Do good unto others." I am watching ovei' thosi' poor lambs now, to see how tlu^v are tended, and I will ti'll the Commis- sionei's in whose care the Asylum is lelt by the Prov- ince. The people of New Brunswick suppose they attend to it. The Commissioners have placed it in the care of Dr. Steeves, and they believe him quite capa- ble ol conducting it properly. Is this the way it should be (lone? \ don't think so. I ohscirvtjd Mi. .>h(^ does not seem a lu- natic, and sh(; is ne,i:;lect*'d. I tied hfr eye np with my own hjindkerehii^r, a?id a wet raiz; on it. I did not mean to oUenii, I liad ms at night, i'^'d likit paupers. If 1 w»»re committed to th(^ pcMiitentiaiy I'oi' a (tiime, I would not he us(>d any worse th;m I am liere. i\ly heart longs ior syiuj^a- thy, an(i hits it liot. I htive tried to soften Mrs. Mills' heart, and win !ier sympathy, hut I cannot, and 1 can- not withiiold my pity for tho.>e [)oor invalids who faro even worse than I . Makcii lo. — I must wnte tliis wiiile fresh in my miu'l, for fe;ir I may forgot. Thei'e is :i, Miss .short hei'e — a lair-haired, nice-looking oirl ; she slands up and reads in the TeslMinrnt as if she were in Sunday-school, re- cites poetry, and tiies to phvy on the pi;ino. I t(adily woi-se. Wl'V fathei' ca,me to see her, and she cried to go hotue with him. I wished vci'v much to tell liim to take her home, '>ut Mrs. Mills did not leave them, and I dared not spca-k j,o him. >he has grown so nmch vvoi-se, she tears her divss oil", so they have to i)ul leatlxa- hand-culfs on her wrists so tight they makt; her hands swell. I say, '' Oh, Mrs. Mills, don't you st-e they are too tight, her hands look ready to burst — purple with blood." She })aid no heed : ** It does not hurt her an}'." Yesterday she tied a can- vas belt round her waist so tight that it nuide my heart acho to looli at it. I am sure it would have stopped mv breath in a short lime ; they tied her to the haek ot the se.'it with the ends of it. INI ARCH 17. — Another jjoor victim has come to our ward today — a black-eyed, delicjitc-looking ^irl. She looked .so sad, I was drnwn to Ijeratonce. I sat beside her in Mrs. Mills' tibsencc. and cn((uii'cd tiie eause of her troiiitle; she said her food i>av(' Iut pain — she is dyspc[)t:ic. If the Doctor would (|uestion the p.aUc^nts and their IViiiids as to the cause of their insanity, they might, as in other cases oC illness, know what remedy to apply. Ihis (U^ar child has been living at Dr. VVm. Bayards' three yeais — chambermaid — that is enough to assure me she is a good girl. 1 think she wears her dress too tight. I unloosened her laces and underskirts to make them easy; they are all neat and tidy, as if she had come from a good home. Another day is liere. That poor giil is in great trouble yet. When I went out into the hall this morn- ing, she was kneeling by the door ; she laid her cheek on the bare floor, praying ibr her sins to be forgiven, murmuring something of those who had gone before. 1 cannot think she has sinned ; poor child ! she has lost her health in some way ; she has transgressed some law of nature. I think it has been tight lacing that caused some of the trouble, for she sat up on the floor when I invited her to stand up for fear some one would open the door and walk over her, and rubbed the calf of her leg, saying it was all numb. Anything too tight causes pain and distress by interrupting the free circula- tion of the blood. She is so i)itiful and sad! How could Mrs. Mills speak so unkindly to her, pushing her with her foot to make her rise up i* She treats them like wicked school- boys who have done something to torment her and merit punishment. I cannot but pitj Mrs. Mills, for this is an uncomfortable position to fill, I mmm imiaBRinvpi 10 ^ IT. s and if she Ikis always obeyed her Siiperuitendent, »he has done her duty, and desei'ves a retired allowance. The yonn<:er nurses are all learning' from her, i'nd will grow hai'd-hearted. for the}' think sin; is one to teach them ; tiiey come to her for helj) in case of emergency, and they go all together, and are able to con{[uer by main strength what might in most cases be done by a gentle word. '-A soft answer turneth away wrath;" I have known this all my life, but I never felt it so for- cibly' as now. There is a lady here from Westmoreland ; her hair is cut short, and her eyes are black and wild. The first time I spoke to her she struck me, lightly, and 1 walked away ; I knew she was crazj'. After 1 had met her a few times and found she was not dangerous, I ventured to sit down beside her. She was lying on her couch in a room off the dining-room ; she lav on her back knit- ting, talking in a rambling way : '4)o you know what kind of a place this is? Aren't you afraid Til kill you? I wish 1 was l-.ke yon." I smoothed her hair with my hand as I would a child. 1 thought, perhaps, she had done some great wrong. She said she had killed her mother. Often before, I had stood beside her, for I looked at her a number of times before I ventured to sit by her. I had no recollection of seeing her when I first came, till I I'ound her in this room. 1 suppose she was so violent iliay shut her in here to keep Uer from striking or injuring any one. I could not discover the cause of her trouble, but 1 comforted her all 1 could, and she has always been friendly with me since, and listened to my words as if I were her mother. She ha.^ been here a long time. Last Friday — bathing day — two 3"oung, strong luirses were trying to take hei' from her room to the batli-room (1 sui)pose she was unwill- hig to l)e washed, for I have noticed when I saw her in that room on the couch, she was not clean as she should be — her elothes did not have a good air about them). The nurses were using force, and she struggled against it. They used the means they often use ; 1 suppose 1 11 > 1 that is tlioir surcHt method of corKjucring the otjHtsMJ.tc spirit tluit will rist? uj) to dofnul itsell' in any child or woman. Slu^ was made more violent by Ium* li;iir beinji; pnlled ; one nmsf had liei" hands, and the other <*an'j;bt her by hei' hair, wiiicii is just. h)nii: (inonirh to hold by. They nuide her ualiv. 1 was walkidij; \wav them when I saw one seize her by the hair; she tried to bite h''r on the aim. 1 staited lorwaid. -iiid laid my hand on her ai'm. w'th— -••I)(m't. my poor child, don't h<»rt tiin(.' a<^o, and as they left the hall I heard her call the?n to tfike her with them. If they knew all as 1 do. they would not leave her here anothi'r day. Ther(! is a .Miss Snow hert; from St. StephiMis. I re- niend)er distinctly when 1 first came, she raved all tht time, 1 did not dare to look iu her iHHl-rooui I' 1 mmmmmmmmm 12 I must write something of myself today. I can look hack and see phiinly all my joiirne}" here. The day may come when I shall be laid away in the grave, and my boys — the dear boys I have loved so well — will look over my trunk and find this manuscri[)t ; they will then perhaps believe I am not crazy. 1 know Dr. Steeves tells them 1 am a Innatic yet. They will weep over this, as they think of the mother thi'v have left here to die am()n<»: strangers. It wonld be hnp[)iness to die snrrounded by my friends, to be able lo tell them they have only to live well that they may die well. To be trne to onrselves and to our fellows, is all the gooil we need. That I have always striven to do, does now my spirit i'dQd. I have been so near the grave, the border land of heaven. I heard angels' voices ; they talked vvitii me even as they did with John on the Isle of Patino^, when they said to him, *' Worshij) God wlio sent me." I was very much alnne, engaged in writing a book on the laws of henltli. .Aly desire to write increascul ; I became so abs(>i'l)ed with Iny work 1 forgot to eat, and, after a day or two, 1 seemed lo think I had done some wrong. 'I'tie angel voices whispei'ed nie that I nuist fa> pliysjei.iiis, 1 only needed to last and [nay. " 1 \:\\*^w yon are a •i.ood man, Dr. Hnntt'r. but yon m'( il n(.t come to see me a^ain ; I will be ail riiiht in tint"; iiod and Mis anuels wiil keep me alwnys." These w(ve my words t() liim ; I know not what prompted im- ; I snp- pose it was my insanity. I tliink I tv)hl tlu-m to mul lip tile d(;ois and lea\'e jsio tiiert; till summer. Tinit was the last week ofOeiolx'r. My poor boys, how tried and worried they nnist have been. Tln'V wateher wast- ed mother. TlKn dressed me for the lourney ; I would not assist them any : tlu'v had not obeyed my wish to be left alone in my room all winter ; so, when I yielded to them, 1 left all for them to do; the only thing I did myself was to take from tiie closet this grey flannel dress — 1 had niJide it for traveling, before .1 left Lowell for Old Orchard. They did not seem to know what they w^ere doing. I had two bonnets, but they never mentioned them, as I remember. They left my night- cap on, and tied a silk handkerchief over it. They car- ried me down stairs in their arms, and lifted me in the coach. After we were on our way in the cars. I found my hair was hanging down my b;ick ; I had nothing to fasten it up with, and 1 arranged the handkerchief to cover it. 1 liegan to feel hapi)v with the thought of going home. 1 tiied to cheer them, and they could not help smiling at me. 1 wondered they were not ashamed of me. I looked so badly. I told th« m not to call me 15 inoth(3r, to siiy I was old Mrs. Siuuett ; that thoy were bringing mo home to my friends. Poor boys, I wonder if tliev renjombcr that iournev in the cars as I do. At my request. Tom bronght me a gobkt ol' milk, at two stopping plaees, and when 1 found they liad brought me to an Asyhnn 1 felt no fear ; I thought 1 liad only to ask and reeeive what I needed. 1 knew they tlioujiht me eiazv, so I would not bid them