THEQuEEN’Sy/ORK
3115 South Grand Boulevard

ST. LOUIS 18, MO.



Digitized by the Internet Archive

in 2016

https://archive.org/details/examinationofconOOhaun



AN EXAMINATION

OF

Conscience

FOR

MARRIED COUPLES

by

EDWIN C. HAUNGS, SJ.

THE QUEEN'S WORK
3115 South Grand Boulevard

SAINT LOUIS 18 - - - MISSOURI



Imprimi potest:

Joseph P. Zuercher, SJ.

Praep. Prov. Missourianae

Nihil obstat:

Innocentius Swoboda, 0 . F. M.

Censor Librorum

Imprimatur

:

Joannes J. Glennon

Archiepiscopus Sti. Ludovici

Sti. Ludovici, die 2 Februarii 1943

Ninth printing, December 1949

Any financial profit made by

the Central Office of the Sodality

will be used for the advancement

of the Sodality Movement and the

cause of Catholic Action

Copyright 1945

THE QUEEN’S WORK



An Exoininaflon of Conscience

for Married Coupies

Preface

S
OME years ago I was standing on the
corner about two blocks from our Col-

lege Church in St. Louis, waiting for a

streetcar. Out from the drugstore just back

of me suddenly emerged a shamefaced-

looking little man. With his left hand he

was clutching the wire handle of a small

paper bucket, which quite obviously con-

tained ice cream.

He looked at me and then looked away.

He took a few steps toward me and then

turned away. Finally when I smiled, he

walked up, lifted the bucket of ice cream

on a not-too-clean index finger, and held

it close to my face. It remained there dur-

ing the entire dialogue, of which only his

part is interesting.

‘‘Do you know the church two blocks

down the street he asked.

I confessed I was a member of the com-

munity that staffed it.

“Funny priests!” he muttered. “Funny

priests
!”

As this is merely one of the milder adjec-

tives that at various times have been

applied to us Jesuits, I wasn't too sur-

prised. But I realized that this was only

—



prelude to something on his mind that was

very important.

He waved the pint of ice cream back and

forth in front of my nose.

‘‘Guess what I got in there/’ he com-

manded.

That was no sixty-four-dollar question;

but I saw that he didn’t want me to an-

swer, so I shook my head as if T were

completely mystified.

“Ice cream,” he said, “a pint of ice

cream . . . strawberry !” Then he shook his

head again, and after muttering, “Queer

priests!” he approached his explanation.

“Tonight I was coming back from work,

and I stopped in at that church for con-

fession. I told my sins; but when I said
that sometimes I wasn’t kind to my wife,
the priest stopped me.

“
‘What’s that mean?’ the priest asked.

“What’s it ever mean when a guy says

that he hasn’t been kind to his wife? I

didn’t know, so I guess I kinda stumbled.

The priest didn’t say any more
;
but when

I got through, what do you suppose he

gave me for a penance?”

I didn’t know Hie answer to that one,

so this time I shook my head in sincere

ignorance.

“Funny priests! Yes; darned funny

priests! That priest turned to me, and he

says, ‘For your penance you will stop in

at a drugstore on the way home tonight

and buy your wife a pint of ice cream.

^ . 4



Make it strawberry if you can. I hear

women like that kind of ice cream.'

“Well you could have knocked me over

without a rolling pin. So I dropped into

the drugstore, and I bought the ice cream.'’

He looked around with a worried air.

When he spoke again, he almost whispered.

“Gee, father. I'm afraid to go home. When

I come into the house with this ice cream,

she'll be sure I've been up to something

that I'm trying to square. But a guy's got

to do his penance, even if it means taking

ice cream home to his wife."

And he sagged down the street, trailing

the small carton of ice cream pathetically

beside him.

I thought of that little incident when to

my desk came Father Haungs's “An Exam-

ination of Conscience for Married Couples."

I read it through with the keenest interest.

So did Father Dowling, who is deeply con-

cerned with the happiness of a number of

married couples who meet in his office to

discuss their problems. So did the few mar-

ried people for whom I previewed the book-

let. Let me say that they had the good grace

to read it and blush.

You see, there are two sections to a

correct examination of conscience. The first

section asks, “What evil have I done?" The

second asks, “What good should I have

done?" The first section concerns itself

with what we call sins. The second section

is concerned with that forgotten half of

— 5—



the Christian's life—the duties of his state
in life.

We are strong on asking ourselves about
sins we have committed. We forget al-
together to ask ourselves about the virtues

we should have cultivated.

Most husbands do not come home and

horsewhip their wives. Most wives—despite
the comic strips—do not get their exercise
by heaving pots of stew at reluctant

spouses. Very few Catholic husbands or

wives are unfaithful in great things. Very

few of them commit in the bosom of the

family major crimes.

But any husband or wife can tell you

that it isn't the big crimes that make for

unhappiness inside of marriage. It is the

bad manners, the cold neglects, the thought-

lessness, the petty meanness, squabbles over

money, disagreement about the children and

their discipline, contests over such trifles

as a radio program or the use of tooth

paste as against tooth powder.

Few marriages go on the rocks because

the husband turns out to be a highway

robber, but many a wedding has headed for

the rocks because the husband kept his

good manners for the office and his bad

manners for his wife and children.

Few wives turn out to be incorrigible

shrews. But in a wife a husband looks for

a kind of combination of acolyte, cheering

section, staunchest friend, and kindest

audience.

So any married person will improve his

— 6—



whole character and his whole home life if

he just bothers to read the questions which

Father Haungs asks for him or her. Father

Haungs himself is convinced that if every

husband and wife were to make this exami-

nation of conscience once a week, unhappi-

ness in marriage would be cut down to prac-

tically a vanishing point.

Marriage is a career, a difficult pro-

fession. A married person needs knowledge
and technique in order to live happily with

that other strange, charming, and often

inconsistent and difficult person to whom

he pledged a lifetime of love and loyalty.

So indeed wise is the person who sfts

down to ask himself how well he is suc-

ceeding in his career in marriage and what

effort he has made to adjust himself to

the person with whom he finds deepest joy

or, pitifully enough, constant opportunity

for friction.

We present ‘‘An Examination of Con-
science for Married Couples” with a real

hope that it will do a world of good.

We have a kind of expectation that those
who read it will rise to become better hus-

bands or wives. Perhaps they will even slip

a copy of this booklet into an envelope and

send it to some couple whose marriage they

may see moving toward coldness or sheer

disaster.

I honestly believe that it is a very im-

portant contribution, this little booklet,

toward happiness in marriage.

Daniel A. Lord, S. J.

— 7—





EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE

FOR HUSBANDS

I. MY HOME.

1. Do I take an interest in my home?

2. Do I make my home an attractive

place by:

a. Cutting the grass?

b. Cleaning the garage?

c. Cleaning the cellar?

d. Putting up storm windows?

e. Putting up screen doors?

f. Doing odd jobs?

3. Do I show my love of home by

spending some time there ?

4. What have I contributed to the

happiness of my family life?

6. What is my reaction if dinner is

late?

6. What is my contribution to the
spirit of the main family meal:

a. Glum silence?

b. Anger?

c. Impatience?

d. Continual nagging?

e. Cheerfulness?

f. Good conversation?

g. Interest in everyone and every

thing?

II. MY WORK.

1. Am I really interested in my work?

2. Have I tried to improve myself?



8. Do I begin my work promptly?

4. Do I waste my employer’s time?

5. Do I rush out immediately at quit-

ting time?

6. Do I conduct myself at work as a

Catholic gentleman

:

a. In my language?

b. In the stories I tell?

c. In my actions?

7. Do I realize that among my co-

workers I am a walking advertise-

ment of the Catholic Church?

8. Do I realize that non-Catholics are

watching me and that my example

may bring them into the Church or

keep them out of the Church?

9. Do I treat the women with whom I

work as I would have other men

treat my daughter?

III. MYSELF PHYSICALLY.

1. Am I neat and clean?

2. Do I shave regularly?

3. Do I have my hair cut regularly?

4. Are my clothes pressed regularly?

6. Are my shoes always shined?

6. Do I realize that my wife likes to

have her husband dressed as well

as his means will permit?

7. Do I lounge around the house in

clothes which are a source of an-

noyance or embarrassment to my

wife?

— 10—



8. Must I be dragooned into buying a

new suit?

9. Do I sit down to dinner in my work-

ing clothes?

IV. MYSELF INTELLECTUALLY.

1. Am I intellectually in a rut?

2. Have I tried to improve myself?

8. Do I read good books?

4. Do I read good magazines?

6. How much Catholic reading do I

do?

6. Do I speak grammatically?

7. Have I tried to develop my talents

as a conversationalist?

V. MYSELF SPIRITUALLY.

1. Do I really work at my religion?

2. Do I know something about my

religion ?

3. Am I proud to be a Catholic?

4. When the occasion arises, do I de-

fend my faith? Or do I hide my

head?

5. How often do I go to confession

and Holy Communion? Am I satis-
fied with this?

6. Do I ever receive Holy Communion

with my family?

7. Must they always urge me to go to

Holy Communion, with them or

alone?

— 11—



8. Am I on time for Mass on Sundays
and holydays?

9. Do I remain at Mass until the end?

10. Do I always sit as far back in the

church as possible? Or do I stand

in the rear of the church?

11. Do I ever go to Mass on weekdays?

12. Do I ever go to church:

a. In the evening?

b. For holy hour?

c. For a novena?

d. For a mission?

13. Do I ever make a retreat?

14. What do I do during Mass:

a. Use the missal?

b. Say the rosary?

c. Look at the clock?

d. Daydream?

15. Do I say my morning and night

prayers ?

16. Do I ever drop in for a visit to the

Blessed Sacrament?

17. Do I say grace before and after

meals ?

18. Am I quite content to remain in
mortal sin for weeks? months?

19. Are my confessions routine? Or do
I make a serious effort to improve

them?

VI. WHAT KIND OF HUSBAND AM I?

1. Do I still love my wife?

2. Do I expect her to take my love for

granted year after year? Or do T

— 12—



still show her those signs of alfec-

tion which I showed her years ago?

3. Do I remember our wedding anni-

versary? her birthday?

4. Do I occasionally surprise her with

a little gift?

6.

Do I ever tell her to buy a hat or

a dress? Or must she always beg

me for new clothes?

6. Do I ever tell her that I love her?

7. Do I still kiss her when I leave in

the morning and when I return at

night?

8. Do I ever thank her for all she has

done and does:

a. Given me children?

b. Cares for our children?

c. Keeps house and makes our

home?

d. Does the buying?

e. Does the cooking?

f. Does the sewing?

g. Does the washing?

h. Does the nursing?

9. Do I notice and comment on:

a. A new dress?
b. A new hat?
c. A new hairdo ?

10. Do I ever tell her how attractive

she looks?

11. Do I ever tell her what a good cook

she is?

12. Am I stingy with her in money
matters?

— 13—



13. Do I keep things secret from her

which she as my wife ought to
know:

a. My salary^

b. My insurance?

14. Do I give her enough money to run

the home, clothe and educate the

children, etc.?

16.

Am I putting some money away
for the future?

16. Do 1 see to it that she gets some

recreation and relaxation away

from the home?

17. Do I speak to her in a way that

betokens love and respect?

18. Do I praise her before others? Or

do I belittle her?

19. Do I discuss her faults with others?

20. Do I act as if she were a slave,

making her bring me this and that?

21. Do I try to save her work by hang-

ing up my clothes, etc.?

22. Do I make decisions and then

merely tell her what to do without

asking her opinion?

23. Do I pout or become angry if she

prefers a course of action different

from mine?

24. Am I really considerate of her?

25. Am I selfish, thinking only of my-
self?

26. Am I selfish and inconsiderate in
the intimacies of married life,

thinking only of my personal satis-

— 14—



faction? Have I tried to get the

woman’s point of view in this mat-

ter?

27. Do I make my wife do things—or
else ?

28. Do I get my own way by disrupting

the peace of the home, arguing,

pouting?

29. Do I treat her relatives and friends

kindly and graciously?

30. When differences arise, do I dis-

cuss them with her calmly and

honestly?

31. Do I really help her to lead a good

Catholic life? Or am I an obstacle

to her faith?

32. When moral problems arise, do I

seek the advice of a competent

priest? Or do I consult the man

ne±t to me in the office ?

VII. WHAT KIND OF FATHER AM I?

1. Do I realize the nobility of father-

hood as God sees it?

2. Do I realize the serious obligations

entailed in fatherhood?

3. Have I accepted willingly and

cheerfully the sacrifices connected

with fatherhood:

a. The cost?

b. The lessening of personal free-

dom?

4. Have I shirked fatherhood and yet

taken the pleasures connected with

my state in life?



6.

Do I realize that the supporting

of a family does not exhaust my

obligations as a father?

6. Have T really strived to make a suc-

cess of my job as a father?

7. Have I tried to improve myself by:

a. Reading ?

b. Asking questions?

c. Talking things over with my

wife?

8. Do my wife and 1 discuss our dif-

ferences and the children’s prob-

lems in private and after the chil-

dren have retired?

9. Do I ever countermand the orders

of my wife to the children and

thus weaken her authority?

10. Do T discuss teachers, priests, etc.,

in the presence of the children?

11. Do I send my children to a Catho-

lic school?

12. Have I tried to win the confidence

of my children from their earliest

years ?

13. Do I ever take my children:

a. To a ball game?

b. To the theater?

c. To a picnic?

14. Have I tried to get their point of

view on life?

15. Have I always encouraged their

questions and answered them hon-

estly?

— 16 —



16. Have 1 shunned or welcomed chats

with my children?

17. Have I prepared my sons for the

age of puberty?

18. Am I interested in my children’s
future

:

a. The schools they will attend?

b. The careers they will follow?

19. What would be or has been niy re-

action to a religious vocation in

the family?

20. What have I done to make my home

a very happy place for my chil-

dren ?

21. What do 1 do after dinner:

a. Read the paper?

b. Stimulate conversation among

the family?

22. Have I encouraged my children to

bring their friends home?

23. Do I know my children’s com-
panions ?

24. Do I know what my children are

reading ?

26.

Do I know what movies and other

places of amusement they frequent?

26. Do I know what time they get home

at night?

27. Have I done anything to encourage

recreation

:

a. Within the home?

b. Within the family?

28. Do I encourage the visits of other

families so that my children may

— 17—



become acquainted with good Cath-

olic young people?

29. Am I interested in my children’s
school work?

30. Do I sign their report cards me-

chanically?

31. Do I help them with their home-

work?

32. Do I encourage their efforts and

praise them when they succeed?

33. Do I attend their school functions?

34. Do I know their teachers?

35. Do I see that they frequent the

sacraments regularly?

36. Do I give them a good example in

the matter of frequenting the sac-

raments?

37. Do they see in me a real Catholic

man?

38. Are my children proud of their
father? Or are they ashamed of

him?

39. Do I give them the idea that reli-

gion is only for women and chil-

dren?

40. Do I arrive at church late for Mass?

41. Do they ever see me intoxicated?

42. Have they ever heard me use im-

proper language?

43. Do I criticize or question the

Church in thqir presence:

a. Marriage laws?

b. Birth control?

c. Money matters?

— 18^



44. Am I always modest:

a. In their presence?

b. When I am alone?

c. When I am with my wife?

45. Have my children been able to

learn from me the beauty of Chris-

tian marriage and the nobility of

fatherhood?

46. Do I share the responsibilities of

rearing my family? Or do I leave

all such responsibilities to my wife?

47. What kind of literature is around

the house?

— 19—



EXAMINATION OF CoWsCIENCE

FOR WIVES

I. MY HOME.

1. Is my home neat and clean?

2. Is my home attractive?

3. Is my home comfortable?

4. Do I make attractive use of color

in the curtains, draperies, etc. ?

5. Do I allow my family to relax, to
use their home?

6. Is my housework done early in the

day?

7. Do I leave soiled dishes piled up

in the kitchen?

8. Am I on the lookout for ways to
improve my home? Do I read mag-

azines that might help me in this

regard?

9. Are my husband and children proud

to bring their friends home? Do I

welcome their friends?

10. Is there a genuine religious atmos-

phere in my home? Are there:

a. Pictures of Jesus, Mary, etc.?

b. Crucifixes?

c. Things necessary for a sick call?

11. Is my work done systematically?

12. Am I careful about money?

13. Do I keep a record of my expenses?

14. Am I trying to save money for the
future?

20 ^



II. MY TABLE.

1. Are the meals served promptly?

2. Do I consider the nutritional value

of foods?

3. Do I introduce variety into the

menu?

4. Am I on the lookout for new and
appetizing recipes ?

6.

Are my meals appetizing to look at

:

a. Are they served daintily?

b. Is there a variety of color in

them?

6. Do I cook the same things week

after week?

7. Do I prepare everything as attrac-

tively as possible even when there

are to be no guests?

8. Is the table set attractively:

a. Candles?

b. Flowers?

c. Tablecloth?

d. Napkins?

9. Is the table set completely before

the family sits down? Or am I con-

stantly jumping up for something

that is needed?

10. Is the main family meal a real

family affair?

11. Is there a spirit of happiness and

gaiety at the table?

12. Is the table conversation pleasant?

Or do I rehearse all the unpleasant

circumstances of the day?

— 21—



13. Does the entire family remain at

table until the last person has fin-

ished eating?

14. Is grace said before and after

meals ?

15. Do the children ask to be excused,

if they miLst leave early?

16. Is the table conversation such that

the children can participate in it?

17. Am I teaching my children the rules
of good etiquette:

a. By my good example?
b. By an occasional gentle re-

minder?

III. MYSELF PHYSICALLY.

1. Am I careful about my personal

cleanliness ?

a. Clothes?

b. Hair?

c. Fingernails?

2. Am I neat in my appearance?

3. Do I try to keep myself attractive-

looking?

4. Do I choose clothes wisely:

a. Price?

b. Pattern?

c. Color?

5. Do I try to keep my figure neat

and trim?

6. In general am I as careful about

my personal appearance now as I

was before my marriage?

— 22—



7. Is my husband proud to be seen

with me?

8. Are my children proud of their

mother?

9. Do I try to look my best when my

husband comes home?

10. Do I dress according to my age?

Or do I make frantic attempts to

look younger than I am?

11. Am I always modest in my dress?

IV. MYSELF INTELLECTUALLY.

1. Am I intellectually stagnant?

2. Have I tried to improve my mind?

3. Have I kept up the practice of read-

ing good books?

4. Do I read good magazines?

6.

How much Catholic reading do I do

:

a. Books?

b. Magazines?

c. Pamphlets?

d. Newspapers ?

6. Do I know something about cur-

rent events?

7. Have I tried to develop my talent as
a. conversationalist? Or are the

subjects of conservations merely

personalities and jokes?

8. Do I speak grammatically?

V. MYSELF SPIRITUALLY.

1. How often do I go to confession
and receive Holy Communion ?

— 23—



2. Am I on time for Mass on Sundays
and holydays ?

3. Do I ever go to Mass on weekdays?

4. Do I remain in church until the

Mass is over?

6.

What is my method of hearing

Mass ?

6. Have I tried to use the missal?

7. How often do I say the rosary?

8. Do I say my morning and night

prayers ?

9. Do I say grace before and after

meals?

10. Do I avoid in my language:

a. Vulgarity?

b. Obscenity?

c. Cursing?

d. Blasphemy ?

11. Is the spirit of charity manifest in

my:

a. Thoughts?

b. Words?

c. Actions ?

(1) Toward my family?

( 2 ) Toward my relatives ?

(3) Toward my friends?

(4) Toward my neighbors?

(6) Toward my enemies?

12. Am I catty?

13. Am I really trying to model my life
on Our Lady?

14. Do 1 keep confidences that are given

me? secrets?



16. Do I lose my temper easily and

frequently?

16. Am I selfish?

17. Am I generous:
a. To the poor?

b. To the Church?

c. To the missions?

VI. WHAT KIND OF WIFE AM 17

1. Do I still love my husband?

2. Have I made it a point to do those

little things for my husband which

keep the fires of love alive in the

human heart?

3. Am I really interested in my hus-
band's progress and success?

4. Do I encourage him?

6.

Do I overlook his faults? Or do 1

high light them?

6. Do I discuss his faults and short-

comings with my friends?

7. Am I constantly trying to reform
him?

8. Do I accept cheerfully the sacrifices

that are demanded of him and of

me by his business?

9. Am I jealous of him?

10. Do I belittle him before others?

11. Do I hold grudges against him and

refuse to talk to him?

12. Do I hug the purse strings?

— 25 —



13. Do I demand a strict accounting

of:

a. Everything he does?

b. Everything he spends?

14. Am I kind and gracious to his
friends and relatives?

15. Have I done my best to help him
in his business?

16. Have I given him good example?

17. Do I complain about:

a. Housework?

b. The care of the children?

c. Other household chores?

18. Do I without a very good reason

refuse my husband the privileges of

married life?

19. Do I grant my husband the priv-

ileges of married life only reluc-

tantly?

20. Am I happy about sharing this
intimacy with my husband?

21. When differences arise between my

husband and myself, am I willing

to discuss them calmly and hon-

estly?

22. When moral problems arise, do I

consult a competent priest or the

lady next door?

23. Do I nag my husband?

VII. WHAT KIND OF MOTHER AM I?

1. Have I tried to realize the beauty

of motherhood as God sees it?

— 26—



2. Have I tried to realize that mother-

hood and sacrifice are synonymous?

3. Have I accepted the sacrifices will-

ingly and cheerfully, without com-

plaining?

4. Have 1 shirked motherhood because

:

a. It might curtail my social life?

b. It might mean that we would

have a less expensive car?

c. I might lose my figure?

d. I am afraid of what others might

say?

6.

Do I realize that motherhood is a

life career demanding all my energy

and all my talents?

6. Have I tried to improve myself by:

a. Reading?

b. Asking questions?

c. Discussing with my husband the

the development and progress of

the children?

7. Have I really strived to make a

success of my job as a mother?

8. Do I discuss the children with my

husband in private and after the

children have retired?

9. Do my husband and 1 discuss in

private and after the children have

retired our differences with regard

to discipline, etc.?

10. Do I send my children to a Catholic

school?

11. Do I discuss teachers, priests, nuns,

etc., in the children's presence?

— 27—



12. Do I in their presence take the chil-

dren's part against the teacher?

13. Have I tried from my children's
earliest years to win their con-

fidence ?

14. Am I shocked by what my children
tell me?

15. Have I tried to get their point of

view on life?

16. Have I always answered their ques-

tions honestly?

17. What have I done to teach them

the virtue of purity?

18. Have I prepared my daughters for

the age of puberty?

19. Have I made home a very happy

place for my children?

20. Have I encouraged them to bring

their friends home?

21. Do I know my children's com-

panions ?

22. Do I know what my children are

reading?

23. Do I know what movies and other

places of recreation they are fre-

quenting?

24. Do I know what time they get home

at night?

25. Have I done anything to encourage

recreation

:

a. Within the family?

b. Within the home?

— 28 —



26. Have 1 made it easy for my chil-

dren to approach me with their

problems?

27. Do I invite other families to visit

us so that my children may have

a chance to meet good Catholic

young people ?

28. Am I interested in my children's
school work?

29. Do I help them with their home-

work?

30. Do I encourage them in their efforts

and praise them when they suc-

ceed?

31. Do I attend my children's school

functions ?

32. Do I know my children's teachers?

33. Do I see to it that my children

attend the sacraments frequently?

34. Do I give my children a good ex-

ample in the matter of frequenting

the sacraments?

35. Are my children being reared in

an atmosphere of genuine Cath-

olicity?

36. Can my children see in me at least

a shadow of Our Lady by:

a. My attitude toward life?
b. My language?
c. My actions?
d. My submission to God's will?

37. Do I make empty threats where the

obedience of my children is con-

-29—



cerned? Or do I carry out those

threats wisely and justly?

38. Do my children ever hear me:

a. Use improper language?

b. Tell questionable stories?

c. Talk about others?

39. Am I ever immodest in my chil-
dren’s presence?

40. Have I loved my children unwisely,

spoiling them and thus making their

adult life more difficult?

41. Am I working outside the home?
If I am, is that work really neces-

sary? Is my outside work depriving

my children of the proper care and

protection ?

42. What would be or has been my

reaction to a religious vocation in

the family?

43. Am I teaching my children the
virtues and skills necessary for their

future success in life:

a. The values of hard work?

b. The value of money?

c. Cooking ?

d. Sewing?

e. Shopping?

44. Do I nag my children?

30—



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