Ou^uL' 5. Ajd^ S\39(c< Parent and Child WITH A STUDY CLUB OUTLINE Rev. Edgar Schmiedeler, O.S.B., Ph.D, Family Life Section Social Action Department, N. C. W. C. 1. WHY PARENT EDUCATION TODAY 2. GUIDES FOR THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN 3. RELIGIOUS TRAINING IN THE HOME 4. MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING IN THE HOME THE PAULIST PRESS (Paulis! Fathers) 401 West 59th Street New York 19, N. Y. PARENT AND CHILD Rev. Edgar Schmiedeler, O.S.B., Ph.D. Family Life Section Social Action Department, N. C. W. C. THE PAULIST PRESS (Paulist Fathers) 401 West 59th Street New York 19, N. Y. FOREWORD “We wish to call attention in a special manner to the present-day lamentable decline in family education. The offices and professions of a transitory and earthly life, which are certainly of far less importance, are prepared for by long and careful study; whereas for the fundamental duty and obligation of educating their children, many par- ents have little or no preparation, immersed as they are in temporal cares. . . . “For the love of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, therefore, We implore pastors of souls, by every means in their power, by instructions and catechisms, by word of mouth and written articles widely distributed, to warn Christian parents of their grave obligations. And this should be done not in a merely theoretical and general way, but with practical and specific application to the various responsibilities of parents touching the religious, moral and civil training of their children, and with indication of the methods best adapted to make their training effective, supposing always the influ- ence of their own exemplary lives.”—Encyclical on Chris- tian Education . DeacidW PARENT AND CHILD i WHY PARENT EDUCATION TODAY The Words of Pius XI rIERE is every justification for Catholics to show thedeepest interest in the so-called Parent Education Movement of our day. In his Encyclical on Christian Edu- cation the Holy Father refers to this modern development in particularly emphatic terms. “We wish,” he says, “to call your attention in a special manner to the present-day lamentable decline in family edu- cation. The offices and professions of a transitory and earthly life, which are certainly of far less importance, are prepared for by long and careful study; whereas for the fundamental duty and obligation of educating their children, many parents have little or no preparation, immersed as they are in temporal cares.” Then follow words of condemnation of the practice of sending children away from home even in their tenderest years “for economic reasons, or for reasons of industry, trade or politics” and also a strong appeal to pastors of souls to interest themselves in parent education. A Changing World A recent writer in a noted magazine for ecclesiastics shows strikingly why there is an imperative need for parent education, particularly in our present changing world. “We are living,” he says, “in a new age, called by some the Age of Speed. Times have changed, and time-honored customs and institutions have gone by the board. The old- fashioned home is fast passing away. The family bond has been burst asunder by the personal and independent self- seeking of the individual. Life is more complex. Children assert their so-called personal rights at a very early age. In this respect the modern child is precocious, for the exag- gerated notion of independence has had its effect upon the young impressionable mind. With the breaking up of the home, both parents and children seek their recreation out- 3 4 PARENT AND CHILD side of the family circle. The streets and the theaters exert a greater influence than the common sleeping place called home. The task of rearing children has become more com- plicated and in a way burdensome. Parents have not re- sponded to this new task. Many of them would like to but they do not know how.” These words are followed, like those of the Holy Father, by an earnest plea for better guidance with regard to child training, for a suitable literature on the subject, and for a renewed realization on the part of parents generally of the tremendous importance of the early impressionable years of the child—the years ordinarily spent almost exclusively within the home circle. In a word, they are followed by a plea for Catholic parent education. One can readily agree with the writer quoted above that training of parents has become a necessity, certainly much more of a need, at least, than it was in times past. When parenthood was less difficult than it is today, formal edu- cation or specific instruction and guidance from extra-do- mestic sources as a preparation for family life was far less essential. Domestic life was reasonably successful without it. Parental love, native intelligence, and Christian under- standing, coupled with favorable environmental circum- stances enabled many parents quite satisfactorily to fulfill their obligations towards their children. Through normal contacts within the confines of the little home world the children gradually learned the lessons of life that prepared them for the tasks of founding their own homes and rearing their own families. Step by step children became equipped with the knowledge and practice of home making, their training usually ranging all the way from the mere physi- cal side of housekeeping to the religious and moral training of children. But social conditions have changed during the past few decades, and one of the unfortunate results is found in the fact that the more informal education in the homes of the past has largely broken down. The shared activities of work and play within the domestic realm have more and more gone by the way. The whole question of child train- ing has become more difficult. Family life in general has become more involved and complex. We now have an enormously complex individual coming into contact with an equally involved and constantly changing environment. PARENT AND CHILD 5 Under the circumstances the parental instinct and tradi- tional customs do not suffice for the tasks of child guidance. Even for those fortunate adults who have had a childhood in a well balanced and intelligent home under the guidance of far-seeing parents, it is difficult to carry over this training to their own children today. The rapid changes in the mechanics of living, in customs, recreations, etc., demand of parents a knowledge of methods based upon the present day. The child of a few decades ago lived in a vastly dif- ferent world with different stimuli, different desires, and dif- ferent behavior. Then, too, careful studies show us that there is still much sickness among children. They show us, in fact, that our morbidity and mortality rates stand rather high among those of the civilized nations of the world. Is this situation due, perhaps, to ignorance on the part of parents? In other words, would not some parent education regarding even the physical care of children be highly commendable? Again, much of our juvenile crime is also traceable to faulty methods of training. Moreover, there is a multiplica- tion of minor delinquencies among children that are not brought to the attention of children’s courts. Furthermore, there are those many personality defects so common among children and adults alike—oddities, peculiarities and such like—due in great part to unwise methods of training on the part of parents. In all of these matters the Parent Education Movement offers helps today that the sincere parent will not lightly pass up. Rise of Movement It was, in fact, a realization on the part of some parents of their need of help that gave rise to the Parent Education Movement. They began to see that the traditional methods of rearing children were not proving adequate for the com- plicated economic and social conditions of today. They began to realize that being a physical parent did not neces- sarily endow one with special ability or fitness to understand and rear children. Hence, they began to study their own procedures in dealing with their children. Then they began to reach out to others for help. They reached out to edu- cators, to religious workers, child psychologists, and others for assistance in their tasks of child guidance. And in re- sponse the findings of science in the field of child guidance 6 PARENT AND CHILD were brought to the attention of parents. This was done, for example, through lectures, radio talks, parent education clubs, and particularly through a special literature that has sprung up recently setting forth the findings of clinics, chil- dren’s foundations, child research departments of universi- ties, and similar agencies. Placed within the reach of par- ents, these helps and guides have proved very helpful to those who have judiciously availed themselves thereof. No sincere parent, I am sure, would question the state- ment that the responsibility for the training of their children and for providing them with the suitable environment in which to grow up belongs to the parents and should be as- sumed by them, nor is there any problem more worthy of the parents’ time and effort than precisely that of caring for the physical life of their children—a matter so essential for their general well being—as well as for their mental, moral, and social development in order that they may grow up efficient and happy adults. It goes without saying, however, that if parents are to meet this obligation adequately and successfully, it is neces- sary that they take the task seriously and that they give the subject of child training the thought and attention that it deserves. Particularly today does the role of parent edu- cator in its fulfilment involve much more than merely loving a child and being interested in his welfare. Born with a certain inherited equipment, what a child becomes, within the limits imposed by inheritance, is dependent not only upon love and affection, but also upon the intelligence and understanding of those adults who come in contact with him. However, understanding children and their behavior problems is not only a matter of intuitive or inborn knowl- edge on the part of parents. Nor is it merely a matter of eager desire to meet their full responsibilities towards their children. Rather is it, in great part at least, the result of acquired knowledge ; in other words, of hard study, of much hard study of the physical, mental and social needs of many children as well as the determination of the particular needs of each individual child. Acquired knowledge is necessary for this just as it is for any other important task. Now it is of the very essence of the so-called Parent Education Movement to help equip parents with this neces- sary knowledge and understanding. Fortunately, there is at hand today an ever increasing fund of scientific facts re- 7PARENT AND CHILD garding the development of children. During recent decades a whole host of scientists have been centering their attention upon the study of the pre-school child, and after the wheat has been sifted from the chaff not a few sound kernels remain. Still, a mere accumulation of such scientific facts does not necessarily make for progress with regard to the problems of child care and guidance. These findings of science must be popularized ; they must be disseminated, or in other words, brought within reach of the average people, and it is this that the Parent Education Movement seeks to accomplish. It is, in fact, a conscious attempt on the part of organizations and agencies that deal with child life to interest* parents in the newer knowledge of children, as well as a conscious effort on the part of parents to avail them- selves of this knowledge and thereby to gain an understand- ing attitude towards their children as developing person- alities. The truth is, however, that to date Catholics have given comparatively little attention to this movement. Only a few of their number are found engaged in this particular field of activity. Catholic schools have given the matter scant attention. Our literature on the subject is very limited. Yet, as the words of the Holy Father imply, there is every reason for the keenest interest in this work on the part of Catholics. In fact, there is an imperative need for such interest. After all, it is in the home that we must look for the ounce of prevention of our social problems rather than the pound of cure after the damage is done. Moreover, parent education should go a long way in creating a much needed renewed interest in home life today. It should also go far in reinstating the home again as the pri- mary educational agency. In the following few pages the writer hopes to open up this field at least to some small extent to Catholic parents by setting forth a few specific principles and practical rules for guidance in their tasks of child training. No pretense is made at originality or careful, logical development. Rather is effort centered in presenting a few thoughts that may prove of some help to parents. 8 PARENT AND CHILD II GUIDES FOR THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN It is quite likely that if parents would approach the field of parent education by first of all turning the searchlight of inquiry upon themselves, investigating their own attitude towards child training and studying their own methods of fulfilling their obligations in this vital field of activity, not a few of them would find themselves fitting into one of the three following groups: First, parents who are too strict; second, those who are too lenient; third, those who are in- consistent or alternating in disciplining their children. Care- ful observation shows that many parents do, as a matter of fact, fall into one of these three categories. Wholesome discipline, however, lies in a consistent, middle-of-the-way course between the extremes of strictness and laxity. Parents Who Are Too Rigid There are not a few parents who rule their homes like autocrats. They are over-strict and severe. Excessive pun- ishment, ceaseless bickering, and endless restriction make the home anything but inviting to the children. The result is only too frequently the cultivation of a disputatious or re- bellious character, or of a silent and sullen antagonism in- stead of the development of a spirit of loyalty to parent and home. Deceit and double dealing may even be resorted to by children in such homes in their efforts to escape punish- ment. No doubt autocratic parents get a certain thrill out of the realization that their children obey them with unques- tioned obedience. But the proper training of children is of far greater importance than a little selfish bit of pride or pleasure on the part of parents. The important question is whether under such rigid rule children will develop a whole- some degree of moral independence and self-control. In other words, will they on leaving the parental nest be able to stand on their own feet in the world? Fickle Parents More common today than a discipline that is too rigid is undoubtedly one that is too weak and easy-going. As there are parents who are autocrats, so also are there parents who are little less than servants to their children. Such 9PARENT AND CHILD parents may be simply of an easy-going temperament, or certain environmental circumstances may account for their leniency and failure. The spirit of “do as you please,” for example, is very much in the air these days and is extremely contagious. Some parents, too, may actually persuade themselves that they can train their children by yielding to them. They give in to all their childish whims and tan- trums as the easiest, if not the only way of maintaining peace and quiet. Yet these parents must certainly realize that by counte- nancing such a philosophy of the easiest way they are sim- ply leaving their children unprepared for life. The world into which these youngsters must eventually be turned is emphatically a world of hard knocks. Young people whose rule of life is to avoid what is difficult and to go through with those projects only which appeal to their sense of ease and comfort are the raw material from which the failures of life are formed. This may sound like old-fashioned doctrine, but it is doctrine that is decidedly in need of greater emphasis today. Inconsistent Parents Most frequent of all and most disastrous is the union of license and severity in the home. In this instance the parents are inconsistent, spasmodic in their dealings with their children. First they pet and then they punish; one minute they coax into good behavior and the next they scold abusively; today they condemn a certain act and tomorrow they pass it up unnoticed. It is not to be wondered at that under the circumstances children scarcely know what is expected of them. Nor will they ordinarily fail to take a chance because of their par- ents’ changing humor so that they can extort bribery and affection when they want it. Thinking their parents guided more by whim than by principle, the children may even lose all respect for them and all confidence in them. In this connection it is also well to observe that differ- ences in judgment on the part of parents should always be settled in private and not be paraded in the presence of the children. If the parents make use of two opposite codes or standards, that is, if one constantly shields and spoils while the other remains ever stern and unyielding, then the methods of each stultify those of the other. The fact is that 10 PARENT AND CHILD the union of license and severity in the home, whether in the person of one and the same capricious parent or in two par- ents with opposite standards, is both very common in prac- tice and decidedly harmful in effect. The Middle Way the Right Way The type of discipline required of parents will, of course, have to depend to some extent upon the disposition of the particular child that is being dealt with, but it must always be a consistent discipline, and in general must lie between the two extremes of severity and laxity. Obedience in the home is quite compatible with whole- some and whole-hearted democracy therein. In fact, a proper degree of independence, initiative, and freedom must be recognized and encouraged. Without these there can be no development, no virtue or self-control. A policy of re- pression stunts and kills, or it incites to rebellion with the subsequent necessity of a host of laws and regulations, all unwelcome because imposed from without. On the other hand, to permit a child to range entirely at its own will is to prepare it not only for failure in every worthy conflict of life, but in all likelihood for shame and disgrace as well. A controlled freedom should be aimed at. Other Guiding Principles There are certain other general rules that may well be brought to the attention of parents if their training of chil- dren is to be effective under modern conditions of living. 1. First of all, parents do well to realize that there can be no training at a distance; hence they must go out of their way if necessary to keep close to their children and to enter so far as possible into their work and play. Under the older economic order of more rural times, parent and child were brought together and largely shared work and play, and all this automatically and without special effort on their part. Under the newer and present order which prevails particularly in cities, this has been radically changed. Economic and social conditions tend to build an ever widening chasm between parent and child. The com- panionship that formerly came about automatically must today be carefully planned and even sacrificed for. It must be brought about by more artificial effort. 2. Again, parents should realize that the training of the 11PARENT AND CHILD child is not only the mothers, but also the father’s task. It is particularly difficult for many fathers today to spend much time with their children; hence they must learn to make the most of their time with them. In other words, they must learn to take an active interest in the hobbies and sports of their children. The child, whether boy or girl, who comes under the guidance of only one parent is in much the same position as a half orphan and will be very liable to suffer a one-sided development. 3. Another point that parents do well to bear in mind, particularly in this day of a rapidly disappearing patriarchal family system, is the importance of their winning the loyalty of their children and of playing the role of sympathetic con- fidants to them. If a father and mother are trusted friends and confidential advisors to their children in the frank and open years of early teens, it is reasonable to hope that they will continue to serve in this highly important capacity dur- ing the more secretive years of adolescence and afterwards. Certainly it is worthy of the highest commendation that children bring all their problems, troubles, and doubts to father and mother for solution, but such will be the case only when the parents are truly companions, friends, and confidants to their little ones. The significance of this vital matter cannot easily be exaggerated. Some Specific Rules for Child Training Child guidance cannot, of course, be reduced entirely to rule-of-thumb methods. Yet it is equally true that over and above the general guides laid down in the preceding for parents, some more specific rules can be suggested that should prove beneficial to them in their tasks of rearing their children. Many parents, in fact, eagerly welcome such proferred helps. Matters of child discipline frequently perplex them. They are often at a loss as to the best course of action to follow, perhaps well aware, too, that the decision that must be given will have its bearing on the future life of the child. Shall they punish, or shall they praise? Shall they allow, or shall they refuse? The decision is often not an easy one to make, nor does the matter depend merely upon the con- venience of the parent or upon the order of the household. While hard and fast formulas that will offer unfailing solutions for all such possible cases are out of the question, 12 PARENT AND CHILD it is equally certain that some helpful guiding principles can be offered the parent. Several are suggested in the follow- ing that are apparently among the more practical and far reaching. 1. As few commands as possible should be given to children. Over-correction and domination are naturally re- sented by the child as they are by the adult. 2. A child’s attention should be secured before a com- mand is given him. An order shouted haphazardly at a little one who is all preoccupied with some playful activity that is almost as serious as a matter of life and death to him will likely be but dimly recognized and but little heeded. For real cooperation attention is altogether necessary. 3. Commands given a child should be followed up; that is, parents should let it be known firmly and pleasantly that they unfailingly expect obedience. Otherwise all discipline will be speedily undermined. 4. It is poor policy to bribe a child. He will likely capitalize his disobedience by holding out for a greater bribe the next time. If given a penny to behave today, he will likely expect another, or two of them, to heed your orders tomorrow. 5. Parents should not expect the impossible of a child. If their commands are reasonable, obedience will be fairly easy on the part of the little one. 6. Not a few parents incessantly make use of threats in order to gain obedience. Such a habit ordinarily results either in a hampering fear and timidity on the part of the child or in a realization that the commands of the parent are futile and their observance or non-observance a matter of trivial importance. 7. It is particularly worthy of note that once a child has lost confidence in his parents because of deception or other cause, it will be restored only with the greatest diffi- culty. Hence the unreasonableness of deceiving children in order to gain obedience. 8. One should be just in dealing with children. In adults the imposition of an unjust command leaves an ugly scar if not even a festering wound; in children it at least lessens their respect for and their confidence in their par- ents. A general rule that may well be emphasized is to give a positive rather than a negative turn to efforts in child 13PARENT AND CHILD training. In other words, one should be as ready to ap- prove the good acts of a child as one is to condemn the bad ones. Thus if a child is reproved for eating too many sweets, why not commend him when he faithfully eats his vegetables and fruits? At times punishment may become necessary in training children within the home. Its aim should always be to bring about regret in the child’s mind. He will not readily repeat that for which he has felt sorrow. Many suggest also that wherever possible punishment should follow naturally from the offense committed. Such a practice, at any rate, would tend to focus the attention of the child on the consequence of his own act rather than on possible anger or resentment of the parent. An extensive use of corporal punishment in the case of the average child is hardly commendable, since it is hard to administer it unemotionally and harder still to receive it in that manner. Corporal punishment is perhaps more liable to result in defiance or secretiveness than in penitence. Again, parents should always bear in mind that the proper aim in a child’s upbringing should be to develop self- control and self-training. Hence, at least from his earliest school years, a child should be gradually trained to moral independence. During the pre-school years, of course, his mental capacity is not sufficiently developed for reason to play any considerable part in the training process. The principal method of training during this period, therefore, must almost exclusively depend upon the simple fact that the child will naturally tend to repeat acts which have pleas- ant consequences and to avoid those which have unpleasant ones. The unpleasant consequences may result from the un- desirable action itself or they may be artificially attached to the action by the parent, for example, in the form of a scolding or other act of disapproval. However, while blind obedience is excellent for the young child, it is a mistake to carry it over into later years. Children of school age are old enough to appreciate the reason of things and should be taught them. Ideals and principles should play an ever increasing part in their train- ing. Thus, the child should be taught to obey not to avoid punishment, but because the law of God expects it of him. Or again, he should be taught to be truthful, because lying is essentially wrong, and so on with other acts and omis- 14 PARENT AND CHILD sions. If children have learned no reason for being good other than blind obedience to their parents, their good habits will have no permanent force. They will only be make believe. Ill RELIGIOUS TRAINING IN THE HOME The sincere Catholic parent realizes, of course, that the element of religion should permeate the entire training pro- cess of the child. There is no question that the latter’s spiritual realization is a constructive and preventive power in forming his character. Particularly are there some very real advantages con- nected with the early religious training of the child within the home circle. The individual in whose mind the truths of religion are intermingled with his earliest recollections has been especially favored indeed. The fact that instruction within the family circle is associated with the child’s senti- ments of love for his parents lends an appeal in the case of training within the home that is lacking in the more formal training coming from the school or from some other source. On the part of the child himself such qualities as simplicity, faith, curiosity and activity which characterize him in his pre-school years make his religious development a relatively simple matter if only he is brought into contact with the knowledge of God and His truths. This contact, however, is not brought about automat- ically. It must be planned for. Special effort on the part of parents is necessary, but it is effort very much worth while. Children are capable of learning much about their re- ligion during the pre-school years. Studies have shown, for instance, that the average child can have some realization of God as Creator by the age of three. Again, some chil- dren of three years of age will mention heaven as a place where good children go after death. But while the studies show children are capable of such knowledge at the age of three, they show also that many, as a matter of fact, do not come into possession of it until some years later. So, too, has it been shown that at the age of three chil- dren can express a number of moral ideas. Yet among many children under six there is lacking practically all re- ligious motivation. Their obedience, for instance, is merely 15PARENT AND CHILD a natural act, quite unrelated to any truths of religion. They obey because their parents demand obedience of them. School children of six years of age, however, are usually found to be quite sensitive to the ideas of religious duty and are readily influenced by religious motives. Apparently there is but one conclusion to be drawn from the noteworthy difference between the moral ideas of the child just before and immediately after entering school, namely, Catholic parents are not making the best use of their golden opportunities for the religious training of their children during pre-school years. As soon as the child en- ters the Catholic school he is taught to act from religious motives. Many parents apparently fail to train their chil- dren to do this. Parents can make the most of their opportunities for the moral and religious development of their children by both formal and informal training. Something can be done by way of inculcating abstract ideas; more, undoubtedly, by concrete example. Since the child of three can to some extent grasp the idea of God as Creator, this circumstance provides the parents with an opportunity to bring the idea of God more and more into the life of the child and gradu- ally to teach him his responsibilities towards God. Still, the child more readily appreciates the things he can see and feel than mere abstract notions. Mere verbal teaching and general ideas will never influence him as will, for instance, the example of parents or visual education by means of re- ligious pictures, statues, crucifixes, etc., in the home. The example of the parent is far reaching, especially because of the child’s highly developed power of imitation and because of the bonds of affection that bind child and parent together. Pictures appeal to the child because the latter’s sense faculties are more highly developed at this time than the intellectual ones. The presence of holy pictures on the walls of the home, therefore, and the showing and explaining to the child of illustrated religious books will give him a more vivid idea and more lasting impression of Our Lord and His Blessed Mother, of the Saints and holy things than the child will have who has not had these advantages. No Catholic home should be without some good religious pic- tures on the walls. Fortunately, too, we have today some splendidly illustrated booklets prepared precisely to aid parents in their tasks of teaching their children religious 16 PARENT AND CHILD truths. The modern educator well realizes the value of visual education. There is evidence, however, that many parents do not yet appreciate its value, or at any rate, are not making much use of this means of imparting religious instruction. IV MORAL AND SOCIAL TRAINING IN THE HOME The social training of the child, in other words the de- velopment of his character or the shaping of his personality, is first and foremost a task of parents. Whether or not the child will fit into the normal social life of his time will de- pend in very great measure on the parents’ intelligent efforts in his behalf. From time immemorial has this shaping pro- cess been looked upon as fundamentally a parental obliga- tion. It is, of course, still considered so today. In fact, the home seems even more necessary for this function in our present complex civilization than it was in the simpler en- vironment of the past. In their task of training, the parents should look both to the happiness of the individual and to the common good of society. The training process itself should reach into the innermost recesses of the mind and the heart. It should permeate the very depths of character. Early Training Essential Furthermore, it can hardly be overemphasized that here, as in the case of religious education, there is need for early training. Infancy is the golden period for setting up proper habits of conduct. The happiness and efficiency of the adult man and woman depend in a very large measure upon the type of habits acquired in the training process and in the experiences of early life. Some of the child’s instincts show themselves even in the earliest days of infancy, and their proper development is a matter of utmost importance. In fact, it is generally recognized that the individual’s person- ality is largely formed during the first five years of life—in fact, to no small extent even during the first two or three years. In general outline, at least, the results of these first years will remain through life. All students of human na- ture recognize that this is the period in which deepest im- pressions are made. These impressions, consequently, exert an influence upon the whole future of the child. 17PARENT AND CHILD The impulses towards conduct which last longest and are rooted deepest always have their origin near birth. Early childhood is the age when primitive instincts can be re- directed and modified, when their evil effects can be fore- stalled or turned into good. It is the age when the founda- tions of all later developments are laid. Hence, there is a very general recognition of the importance of an intelligent use of this formative period during which personality is so readily influenced. Nor can it be questioned that the possibilities of the early plastic years are equally great for evil and for good. Thus there are some social qualities which if not acquired in early childhood, are rarely acquired in after life, and then only with great effort and difficulty. So, too, are there certain unsocial tendencies that put in their appearance which if left unchecked and unheeded, will speedily grow into rank weeds of vice. It is, therefore, of prime im- portance to the individual and to society that these vicious tendencies be checked and that social qualities be diligently cultivated in the earliest years in order that a luxuriant growth of virtue may result. Thus, habits of ill temper, for example, may develop in a child several years before the use of reason. Left unchecked, they will grow and continue through life, begetting a very unsocial individual. It is very poor policy, indeed, to permit a small child to do as he pleases on the theory that “he will grow out of it later.” Such an attitude on the part of the elders can only lead to the growth of incorrigible children and to unsocial and even anti-social adults. On the other hand, early lessons in forbearance and self-denial gently and pa- tiently inculcated can go far towards preserving the child from the development of an evil and unsocial growth. And so on with other virtuous habits. With the advance of years the character becomes more pronounced and ma- tured. Yet it ever clings to its first outline and remains true to its earliest impressions. Once strengthened by age it bends with difficulty. Hence, social economy and progress alike demand that much intelligent effort be centered on the training of the pre-school child. That, of course, is the period in which the family influence is paramount. Nor- mally the home forms the first environment in which the character of the child is to be shaped. 18 PARENT AND CHILD The Foundations of Character Both congenital, or inborn, as well as non-congenital factors influence the development of personality. In other words, the instinctive nature of the child exerts some in- fluence over his development, while his surroundings also play a part in the shaping of his conduct. It is in the former, however, that is, in the individual’s inherited in- stincts and emotions that the foundations of character es- sentially consist. These are the mainsprings of human ac- tivity for good or for evil, for social or unsocial conduct. Nor can these hereditary factors be rooted out. They can be trained, however, and as stated, with sufficient care and effort their operations can be modified and their evil effects forestalled. By intelligent coaching their evil possibilities can even be converted into good, yet the tendency itself to- wards evil will ever remain. In the case of the environ- mental factors, however, we have a different situation. A person’s surroundings may quite readily be modified and in not a few cases may also be radically changed. A realization of what the fundamental instinctive drives in human nature are and what the parent educator’s atti- tude toward them should be as they manifest themselves in the growing child is, of course, of prime importance in the delicate task of shaping a child’s personality. The average Catholic child would be able to name the chief among man’s inborn impulses provided at least that he is questioned in the language of the catechism. This familiar little book lists them under the title of “Capital Sins” as follows: pride, covetousness, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth. The instincts indicated by these terms are, of course, in no sense sinful in themselves. They are neutral, their goodness or badness depending on their proper use or their sinful abuse. If permitted to run riot, they become the chief foundations of unsocial characters, the wellsprings of moral delinquency. If duly shaped or modified, that is, if properly trained and kept under due control of man’s higher faculties of mind, will, and conscience, they lead to the growth of personal virtues and socialized individuals. We find also that the term “passion” is at times applied to these impulses. This latter term simply means something that affects us; hence, it may mean either a help to virtue or an inducement to vice, and indeed, any of the passions PARENT AND CHILD 19 may lead us either towards virtue or towards vice. The brief- est analysis would show that each has a beneficent purpose, that when any one of them is permitted to hold ungoverned sway, or its satisfaction is allowed outside of legitimate chan- nels, it is certain to prove harmful to either individual or society, or even to both. Thus pride rightly understood may be a spur to up- rightness and goodness; it may prompt us to acquire virtue, to cultivate wholesome learning, to strive after agreeable habits and that propriety of conduct that becomes our sta- tion of life. Ungoverned pride, however, or a vaunted self- assertion, will only lead to the birth and growth of such an unsocial brood as foolish vanity, boorish arrogance, and overbearing haughtiness, qualities not only essentially un- Christian, but also anything but ornamental to character. Again, covetousness , or acquisitiveness, regulated by pru- dence and common sense, in reality means the same as thrift or economy. It prompts the individual properly to provide for himself and for his own both for the present and for the possible “rainy day.” But when left uncontrolled, this passion develops into the vice of avarice; it becomes an in- grown obsession manifesting itself in hoarding or miserli- ness, or in an inordinate craving for and an all absorbing love of mammon. It may even show itself in a desire for cruel and relentless domination of others. So, too, must one distinguish between gluttony and the moderate partaking of food and drink. The latter is neces- sary for the maintenance of life and health. But if not held in leash, our instinctive appetite may develop into an in- ordinate craving that will end in injury to both soul and body. It is in this sense, that is, in the satisfaction of an inordinate craving for food and drink, that the term “glut- tony” is properly used. Or, again, there is the capital sin, so-called, of sloth . Sloth and idleness go hand in hand. It has rightly become proverbial that an idle person is an easy prey for the powers of evil. The laws of nature prompt us to conserve our energy and to restore it by due rest and relaxation. They do not demand, however, that this conserving process be overdone. To conserve our energy at the expense of duty and our best interests is simply to be slothful or lazy. And so on with the other passions or capital sins—envy, anger, and the sex instinct. Then, too, there are other emo- 20 PARENT AND CHILD tional wellsprings in human nature besides the seven capi- tal ones. There are, for instance, the milder influences of fear, self-submission, play, and love or affection. Parents must be mindful that properly developed these can all help greatly to ornament character, to beget a pleas- ing personality. But they should realize also that if not developed with due care, they may lead to very harmful consequences. In other words, in all of man’s inborn im- pulses there lie possibilities both for good and for evil. As stated before, their proper use is helpful, their abuse is harmful. Not one of them is wholly bad. Consequently, even if they could be rooted out, it would be unwise to do so. What is of importance, however, is that they be con- trolled and kept within their legitimate bounds. They must be kept under the mastery of the mind, the will, and the conscience. When these latter faculties are in control, evil propensities will become harmless and beneficent tendencies helpful. The child who learns early to control his impulses will develop into an ideal masterpiece of the Creator, the most wonderful and admirable thing under heaven. That is, of course, what parents wish their children to be, and it is, in fact, their duty first and foremost to bring about such a development. Several guiding principles regarding the training of the instincts suggest themselves. Thus one important principle that should be followed is to foster the milder instincts. Arousing and encouraging the development of the indi- vidual’s more amiable and humane emotions and desires will 5o a considerable distance in counteracting any hidden tendency, for instance, to cruelty or harshness, to spiteful, hateful, or other unsocial emotional reactions. With the gentler and milder instincts of tenderness and sympathy well established, the more vehement influences of anger, acquisitiveness, and self-assertion or pride, and such like, will naturally be neutralized and restrained. It is highly essential that the good impulses be aroused and that evil ones be offset, and this should begin in the earliest years. Another effective way of coping with the stronger and more active instincts and emotions of children is to be found in supplying a sufficient number of wholesome inter- ests. These occupy the child’s attention and at the same time serve as salutary outlets for his surplus energies. Par- ticularly is a substitution through play activity effective in 21PARENT AND CHILD the case of the young. Play is the major interest of the normal child, and it readily supplies a vent for surplus energies and a harmless substitute for lower instinctive re- actions. All such diversion of the lower and more crude forms of instinctive behavior into higher and less harmful interest channels should naturally react to the benefit of individual and society alike. Mere suppressing of inherited impulses will avail little because inborn impulses will persist and mis- directed energy cannot be stamped out. Effort must be centered, therefore, in directing it anew and in guiding it aright. All negative measures, at any rate, should be sup- plemented by positive and constructive efforts of assistance. Primary Emotions Among the first emotions to show themselves in the child are fear, anger, and pleasure or the rudiments of love and affection. These may show themselves during the first months of infancy; others follow later. At about the third year, for instance, jealousy, cruelty, self-assertion may be found to some extent in the average child. Practically all inherent personality weaknesses will manifest themselves during the pre-school years, that is, during the first five or six years of the child’s life. By way of example, attention in some detail may well be given here to the three so-called primary emotions—fear, anger, affection. Fear With regard to fear, the parent already sees indications of this emotion during the first months of the new-born babe’s life. The sudden removal of support, for instance, will produce a fear response consisting in a sudden catching of breath, in a closing of the eyelids, or even in crying. The child can be taught to manifest fear in many different ways. It is not good policy, however, to make a child fearful. Rather should the simple rule be observed that little ones should never unnecessarily be frightened. Although many careless adults take it as a joke, frightening children may readily be a serious matter. The fearful child has a serious handicap. Only too frequently does he develop a permanent sense of discouragement and failure, resulting in hesitation and unwillingness to tackle anything worth while or diffi- cult It is very questionable whether a child who has been 22 PARENT AND CHILD made timid and shrinking in his early years can ever again regain his natural open manner and successfully assert him- self. Most fears are caused by some experience through which the individual has had to pass in early life. Thus this in- stinct may be aroused by threats of bogeymen or policemen, by threats of leaving the child alone, or by terrifying pun- ishments. Or again, the child may be made fearful by tell- ing him tragic stories or by forcing him into new and strange situations in the hope of accustoming him to them. More- over, parents, and especially mothers, seem not to realize to what great extent their own acquired fears are passed on unconsciously to their children. One cannot, of course, eradicate fear entirely, nor would that be desirable. But in training the child every effort should be made to see to it that fear does not become a curse instead of a means of protection. There are, of course, legitimate uses of fear, for example, precaution and foresight. A child should fear punishment, danger, loss of approval of God and man. Holy Writ speaks of fear of the Lord as the beginning of wisdom, but even here it is well to note that the great Saints were actuated far more by love than by fear. Certainly no child should have to spend his early years weighed down by fears that make him nervous and sleepless, afraid to play happily, or to work with en- thusiasm, all because someone found it convenient to get him to obey through fear or because of failure to help him by wise understanding or by explanation in order to see him safely through some unpleasant experience. Fear is an emotion that shows itself in earliest childhood. It can be stimulated in so many ways and with such far reaching consequences that parents need to be on their guard. They should not minimize, criticize, or ridicule the fears of childhood. They are deserving of intelligent inter- est and sympathetic understanding. Someone has well pointed out that no intelligent parent would dare toy with his child’s eyes or ears. We can readily agree with the modern scientist who points out that this is no more danger- ous than experimenting with or playing upon the emotions of children. Anger Anger is also one of the so-called primary instincts, one PARENT AND CHILD 23 that shows itself in the earliest days of the child’s life. In the infant this emotion is commonly caused by holding the child tightly or in any way restraining his movements. Later on any blocking, thwarting, or hampering of the indi- vidual’s free actions may give rise to anger. Founded in human nature itself, every individual will experience this emotion from time to time. Unless properly controlled, it readily leads to very undesirable conduct. If the individual does not learn to control it through educa- tion and experience, it will eventually control him. But the control of this passion, so-called, if it is to be of real value, must come from within the child and should not be something superimposed from without. Anger, for instance, that is merely pent up because of fear of punish- ment, is only too likely to explode violently at an altogether inopportune time. Particularly is it essential that self-con- trol in regard to this instinct be established very early in life. Temper Tantrums One of the most common manifestations of anger in chil- dren is the so-called temper tantrum. Any normal child, of course, will show an occasional bit of temper, but the little one who meets every difficult situation in life with chronic irritability, or even with a dramatic and uncontrolled out- burst, is in grave danger of developing many personality de- fects which will make him an unhappy and inadequate in- dividual for life. When one searches into the causes of tantrums, it be- comes apparent that in not a few cases the attitude of par- ents is responsible for the outbursts of temper on the part of children. Again, it may merely be due to imitation. Thus, if the parents are peevish, irritable, and given to out- bursts of anger in the presence of children, the chances are that they in turn will be forced to witness similar exhibitions on the part of their little ones. Then, too, children often must suffer because of irri- tability on the part of their parents, an irritability for which they may in no way be responsible. Some trivial annoyance vexes the parent and the child must bear the brunt of the resultant peevishness or manifestation of temper. Under the circumstances, conduct on the part of the child that would ordinarily be passed unnoticed now calls forth severe 24 PARENT AND CHILD reprimands. The child, of course, feels the injustice of such treatment and may even rebel against it. This but leads to further trouble. Moreover, children are often thoughtlessly subjected to much unnecessary humiliation, teasing, and ridicule by par- ents or by other grownups. In many instances such con- duct on the part of adults is not due to any spirit of un- kindness, but is simply prompted by the enjoyment which they derive from observing the child’s reactions. They are quite unaware, perhaps, of the harmful social effects that may ultimately flow from their actions. Finally, there is no doubt that a cold, forbidding indifference towards the child by the busy and often irritated parent is frequently the cause of unhappy moods in children. The following simple rules for the treatment of temper tantrums in children have been suggested by child special- ists of our day: “First, if tantrums are used by the child to get his own way, stop giving it to him; second, if to gain attention, stop paying attention to him when he has them, and perhaps pay more attention to the good things he does; third, if to secure a bribe, cease to bribe; fourth, if they are due to some physical cause or to lack of play, remove the cause and try to give better play opportunities; fifth, if the cause is yours (the parent’s), control your temper, admit you are wrong, and correct your faulty habits.” This is a matter of obligation and is certainly very much worth while. These rules, then, not only indicate some of the chief causes of tantrums in children, but also suggest some fitting remedies for them. Perhaps most frequently the child makes use of tantrums as a means of gaining an end or to make parents surrender and give in to him. It is quite sur- prising to see the acuteness with which a child can choose the time and place where giving in to him will seem almost a necessity. He speedily and cunningly learns to use this instrument to control his surroundings and to dodge un- pleasant situations. There is the case of Johnny, for example. He had learned his trick well by the age of four. If he was cor- rected, or if things did not suit him, his response in the form of a tantrum was unfailing and immediate. First, tears and screams were tried. If these did not bring results, he would throw himself on the floor in a rage. He would PARENT AND CHILD 25 kick and strike everything within bounds. Should the par- ent still refuse to relent and give him his way, he would become rigid and because he held his breath would usually become blue about the mouth. This was his trump card and it always won the game for him. His agitated mother soothed him and lovingly cooled his face. He was given whatever he wanted, no matter what the inconvenience to the other members of the household. With his added vic- tory to his credit, Johnny again went about his affairs as would any perfectly normal youngster. There are many other children who see the advantages of such tactics as keenly as did Johnny. At times such antics are truly terrifying, and it requires a cool head and strong determination to hold out against a child under the circumstances, but he must never be allowed to be the gainer by his tantrums. If his first performance is successful, the parents relenting when he kicks and screams and holds his breath, the second will be much easier and the third easier still. Before long there will be a well established habit and one extremely difficult to break. Hence the parents must not yield. It would perhaps be best for them calmly to ignore the tantrum when it occurs and keep on ignoring it until the child quits using it as a weapon, for that is what it is, a weapon, a means to an end for the child. Meanwhile, parents should make certain that the child has enough rest, sleep, food, and recreation. The over-tired, over-stimulated child is irritable and over-active, and this only produces more fatigue. Physical punishment, for ex- ample, would not avail much with such a little one. Nor should he be bribed. Finally, while ignoring the tantrum, parents should not set an example of irritability for the child. Certainly they should not irritate him because they themselves happen to be irritated. Moreover, it is well to note that one of the essentials for the prevention of temper manifestations in children is a simple orderly environment for them. Affection The pleasurable emotion that is later to develop into love or affection, shows itself already in simple responses in the early days of infancy. The wise parent will endeavor to develop this emotion along salutary lines, causing it to blossom forth into the full bloom of normal affection. It 26 PARENT AND CHILD will then bring to the individual himself much contentment, and will also make him a source of happiness to others. The importance of this emotion can hardly be ex- aggerated. We know that love, the love, namely, of God and fellow man, is the very heart and soul of Christianity. It should, then, be cultivated with most painstaking care. Sheer love of self, or rank selfishness, on the other hand, is essentially pagan and should consequently be diligently guarded against. The earliest life of the child tends to be dominated by his selfish strivings. He endeavors to gather unto himself everything within his reach and to make it his own. He constantly demands the attention of those about him. In his struggles for attainment, however, he is often thwarted and repulsed, ignored and neglected. Failing in his own efforts on the one hand, and seeing others succeed while he loses on the other, causes him not a few difficulties. And many of these trying experiences of his daily life, in- stead of developing in him a spirit of love and affection, tend to arouse in him that perversion of the love instinct that is called jealousy. Jealousy By jealousy we mean that unpleasant feeling induced by any interference or attempt to thwart us in our efforts to gain a loved object, whether a person, power, possession, or position. By the very nature of the emotion it carries with it a lowering of self-valuation followed by humiliation, conceal- ment, and shame. The jealous child encounters many diffi- culties in dealing with his playmates. He becomes self- centered and readily develops a sense of failure and of lowered self-esteem. He feels wronged and neglected. Later in life this emotion brings about an inability to share in the joys of others and makes it impossible to see others succeed without feeling resentment. At times it eventuates in anger towards the object of jealousy or produces a desire for re- venge and retaliation. Not infrequently even does it cause the individual to withdraw himself and to hide his feelings under the cloak of indifference. Such a person is always more or less unhappy. He feels diffident, depressed, and strained. His conduct is naturally affected. There are many things in the normal life of the average child that may give rise to feelings of jealousy. PARENT AND CHILD 27 For instance, there is the arrival of a new baby in the home. It is altogether commendable that in case of such an event in a family, care be taken to let the other children know that they are just as much loved as before and that they are still important members of the household. The display of affection by parents towards other mem- bers of the family or towards outsiders is also a frequent source of jealousy. Moreover, the unwise attitude of visitors or relatives who constantly praise or hold up one brother or sister as a model, or persistently point out shortcomings and defects in another, may cause feelings of bitterness, resent- ment, inferiority, or inadequacy in the child who is inclined towards jealousy. Nor must one overlook downright favoritism. This is a weakness that is perhaps far more common among parents and among those who wield authority than is commonly suspected. A careful observer notes it at times in most un- expected places. While the balanced adult is inclined to look with disdain or contempt upon one who plays favorites, the little child is usually hurt by the latter’s tactics. In order to prevent the development of jealousy in the child, every effort should be made to keep down the growth of selfishness, a trait more or less common to all children. The above mentioned causes of jealousy should be carefully eliminated. The child should be taught early to share his toys, his candy, and the like, with other children. He should be taught habits of unselfishness and the joy of making others happy. If he learns to be unselfish within the family circle, he will find little difficulty in being so when he comes into contact with the great outside world. The seeds of jealousy sown in early childhood days will persist. It is the jealous child who becomes the jealous man or woman as it is the testy child who becomes the testy adult. As a child, the jealous individual encounters many difficulties in getting on with his playmates. He feels wronged and neglected. Gradually he develops a sense of failure that handicaps him constantly; he either withdraws from his playmates and the activities of life, or becomes domineering and pugnacious in order to gain attention for himself. Eventually this emotion leaves him incapable of sharing whole-heartedly the joys and successes of others. In fact, his jealousy may even end in uncontrolled resentment and that with disastrous results. 28 PARENT AND CHILD It is of the utmost importance, therefore, that this mor- bid manifestation of the love instinct be guarded against in childhood lest it produce an unsocial adult utterly out of harmony with his environment and lacking in all adjust- ment to his fellow beings. Familial Affection A well regulated natural love on the part of parents for their child is of no less importance than the proper develop- ment of the emotion of love in the young child himself. It is, in fact, the first essential in rearing children and is as helpful as an ill-regulated affection is harmful. The home is the natural abode of love. Without affec- tion home is an empty word; with affection it becomes the most advantageous place for the proper development of the child’s personality. Beyond any question it is the role of the affections that gives the home and family life its in- fluence. Only love can furnish the motive for the constant, untiring, and unwavering care which parents must show their children, and only love can bring into play the spiritual forces so essential for the shaping of the child’s character. In the case of a very young child it is undoubtedly the mother’s rather than the father’s affection that plays the most important part. Because of the close contact between mother and child, mother love has constant opportunity for full play and development. Thus there develops a union that binds them together and fills the child’s mind with trust, confidence, and respect. This enables the mother to cultivate the feelings and emotions, the chief forces in the determination of character. Yet the affection of the father also has its place. Neither father nor mother, however, who have the best in- terests of the children at heart will spoil them with over- solicitous care. They will give them reasonable care and attention but will not allow them to impose on their sym- pathy. Unless due care is exercised, a child becomes a slave to sympathy and never learns to face the realities of life. Note the following cases. Victor’s mother was unhappily married. For companion- ship she turned to her boy and made him the center of her affection. She liked to keep him constantly around her and would retail his good qualities to visitors in his presence. 29PARENT AND CHILD Victor became shy and repressed. He was looked upon as a bit queer by his classmates. He seldom participated in active sports with boys of his own age. He spent most of his time at home or in the immediate neighborhood, and he preferred reading and other activities which kept him near his mother. Rose’s mother became a widow at the age of thirty. Her husband had been very intelligent and their married life was of the happiest so that the woman felt the blow keenly. She was lonesome and discontented, and lavished all her love on her only daughter, Rose. When the girl got older the mother always opposed any social contact with boys. The result was that the girl became shy, never went to parties, and remained very much to herself. Unless the mother dies or suddenly changes her attitude, it appears that Rose will grow up a repressed and dissatisfied spinster. The two above examples cited by the Reverend Dr. Paul H. Furfey show how parents may, to the detriment of their children, seek in their offspring an emotional satisfaction that is lacking in their own lives. Parental love may be the most precious single natural blessing a child can enjoy, but it must be a love that seeks the child’s good, not the par- ents’. It must be an affection that is willing to sacrifice itself for the sake of the child. Otherwise, it will become a damaging force to the latter. Parents, therefore, who draw a morbid emotional satisfaction from their children’s sym- pathy are not loving wisely. A child’s personality may become so welded into the life of the mother through the exercise of its natural affection that he finds it difficult to develop his own individual characteristics. Such faulty af- fection on the part of some parents may become as harmful to children as is the utter lack of affection on the part of others. Sooner or later they will have to strike out for themselves and if they have not as children learned the habit of self-dependence they will show themselves dis- contented and but poorly balanced individuals. “Babying” the Child Another real hazard in this connection is the danger of spoiling the child by “babying” him too much, by giving in to his whims, for instance, in order to win and hold his af- fection or to keep him quiet. Fortitude is an element of the greatest importance in the child’s training. Particularly 30 PARENT AND CHILD in this day of an easy life and soft creed is coddling un- fortunate. The child must be taught the habit of facing the difficulties and realities of life unflinchingly. As soon as the individual begins to deceive himself and to refuse to face unpleasant truths, he is laying the foundation for many un- healthy traits of character—for oddities, peculiarities, and such like, and in some cases, even for serious mental dis- orders. Parents should realize that children who grow up without facing the facts of life will be improperly prepared for life’s inevitable tasks and hardships. Such children will grow up so lacking in ability to face life that they will suffer much more than the average child. The youngster, therefore, who is waited upon indulgently at every real or imaginary ache, or is lavished with emotional sympathy whenever a trifling difficulty arises is not being prepared to face life’s realities. Nor is it the individual who is immune from all perplexing problems who is well adjusted to life, but the one who has developed habits and character traits that will enable him to face the difficulties of life openly, frankly, and courageously, without compromise or self-de- ception. Even in the early days of childhood may the individual well be taught the value of the cardinal virtue of Christian fortitude. It will do him far more good than will spoiling or “babying” him. Herein particularly lies a real danger in the case of sick children. Note the case of Irene. The latter was living up to her name. Her face was flushed with anger. She scrambled, scratched, and screamed, by turn or in unison. Eventually her mother gave her what she was clamoring for and Irene was again serene. Such “scenes” have become quite frequent. They date back to Irene’s serious sickness of a year and a half ago. Illness and injury play strange tricks with one’s per- sonality. A long continued sickness at times make a grownup person bitter and resentful, a disagreeable and fault-finding individual. It is true, too, that illness often brings out good traits such as patience, sympathy, and kind consideration of others. In the child there is even greater danger that undesirable traits show themselves during ill- ness and fix themselves into firm and unbending habits. A sick child must be handled with care by the parent. Such a child, it is true, is entitled to special consideration, but afterwards he must learn to give up his privileges and 31PARENT AND CHILD once more take up his former place in the household. He must learn again to shoulder his former responsibilities and to give and take and battle in everyday life with the other members of the family. A noted American child specialist has recently given a realistic description of the changes that commonly take place in the child’s relationship to the other members of the household when his health becomes a matter of too great concern to the parents. Prior to his illness, Jack had been a healthy, happy, care free boy who battled along with the rest of the world, asking and receiving no particular con- sideration. He was part of his group, one of the family. He scarcely was aware of the fact that he was an individual quite distinct from the rest. There were certain incon- veniences, to be sure, in his relationship with others, but they were taken as inevitable. Many of his natural in- clinations were interfered with. He had constantly to con- form to certain rules and regulations. The group was dominated by the parents, who made what seemed to be many unreasonable demands. One had to be polite, orderly, industrious, and many other things which apparently meant a lot to grownups but very little to children. One had to steer along a straight and narrow course indeed. Too much activity met with disapproval; too little activity or laziness also seemed wrong. Then there were always errands and chores to be done, and of course, at most inopportune times. The older children in the family, he felt, always had the more interesting tasks assigned to them. Yet in spite of all these irritations and others too numerous to mention, the child managed to get on without any definite grievances to- wards the world. He accepted both the joys and limitations of life as a matter of course. It had never even occurred to him that he might occupy a more important place in the family group. He had never dreamed of being the dominat- ing member of the household. But suddenly Jack’s position is radically changed. He becomes seriously sick. At the hospital he becomes the ob- ject of the greatest solicitude on the part of relatives and attendants. Even after the crisis is over, he remains a cen- ter of attraction. Favors and kindnesses are showered upon him. So also throughout the long period of convalescence at home does the entire household revolve around him. Every want is anticipated; he can commandeer everything, 32 PARENT AND CHILD and nothing is asked of him in return. He is not held re- sponsible for his irritability, peevishness, and selfishness. In all such cases of sickness of children it is difficult for parents to decide what is best for the child and what is best for his illness. Frequently the treatment most suited to the one is obviously harmful to the other. Sick children, of course, are entitled to special consideration. They are naturally less stable and more sensitive than normal, healthy children. But as they convalesce they must learn gradually to give up their privileges and power of supremacy and the feeling of importance that goes with it. Often there is even a real conflict between the desire to get well and to take up their old responsibilities on the one hand and the tempta- tion to assume a passivity which will permit them to indulge in the protection that illness gives on the other. While sick children, therefore, are deserving of special consideration, parents should not make their illness so attractive that many motives for not getting well are created. There is no need to give a sick child the privilege of dominating the rest of the household, and it is safe to say there is invariably more danger of spoiling a good disposi- tion through letting the child go undisciplined than of aggra- vating his illness by making him live up to the rules and regulations of the home. Even though greater leniency was shown him during sickness, after convalescence he must again accustom himself to playing his normal role in the family and in other groups. There are many spoiled Irenes, and a great number of these were spoiled during a period of sickness. And so one might go on indefinitely multiplying ex- amples of difficult and even perplexing situations in which parents find themselves in their tasks of training children. These tasks are indeed involved and complex. In other words, parenthood is far from being a simple profession. It requires that parents realize what their little ones’ problems are, when and how each problem must be attacked, what so- lutions are attainable and best calculated to bring about de- sired results. All this demands knowledge, forethought, study. Consci- entious parents will undoubtedly welcome the help and guidance that others can give them. They will faithfully heed the injunction of His Holiness, Pius XI, regarding family education. STUDY CLUB OUTLINE PARENT AND CHILD By Rev. Edgar Schmiedeler, O.S.B., Ph.D. ^5 %(o 1 1 -—$ — 1. Why are Catholics particularly justified in taking an active in- terest in Parent Education? (P. 3.) 2. How have changing social conditions created a special need far Parent Education? (Pp. 3-5.) 3. Show the rise of the Parent Education Movement. (Pp. 5-7.) 4. Describe three faulty kinds of parental guidance frequently met with today. (Pp. 8-10.) 5. State three general rules of child training that should prove helpful to the modern parent. (Pp. 10, 11.) 6. Indicate eight more specific rules for child training. (P. 12.) 7. What is meant by the statement on page 13 that the proper aim in child training should be to develop self-control and self- training? 8. Why has religious training within the home peculiar advan- tages? (P. 14.) 9. When is the normal child capable of religious and moral con- cepts or ideas? (P. 15.) 10. What means or methods should prove helpful to parents In the religious training of their children? (P. 15.) "11. Why should the training of the child begin in his first yean? (Pp. 16, 17.) 12. What are the main foundations of character, and how may these become instrumental in promoting either virtue or vice? (Pp. 18, 19.) 13. State and explain several principles that should prove helpful In properly developing the human instincts. (Pp. 20, 21.) 14. Discuss in detail each of the so-called primary emotions. (Pp. 21-26.) 15. What are the chief causes and the harmful effects of jealousy? (Pp. 26, 27.) 16. Indicate the main values and chief hazards of parental affec- tions. (Pp. 28, 29.) 17. Discuss the case of the spoiled child. (Pp. 29-32.) Prepared for NATIONAL COUNCIL OF CATHOLIC WOMEN 1312 Massachusetts Avenue NW. Washington, D. C. si