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KEEPING

:

When Is It A Sin?

Bv MARY E. McGILL





Company Keeping

When Is It A Sin?

By

Mary E. McGill, Editor

of “Woman’s Interests,”

Our Sunday Visitor

(This little book is affectionately dedicated

to our Young Women, whose happi-

ness lies so close to my heart.)



Nihil Obstat:

REV. T. E. DILLON

Censor Libroruifc

Imprimatur:

•fr JOHN FRANCIS NOLL, D. D.,
Bishop of Fort Wayne

Fourth Edition 20,000

No. 48

OUR SUNDAY VISITOR PRESS
Huntington, Indiana

Deacldlfled



Company Keeping:
When Is It A Sin?

Not a week-day passes without my

mail bringing insistent and heart-

eager queries: “Miss McGill, I am a

young girl who wants to do right, but

I am full of doubt as to what is per-

missible and what is wrong in com-

pany-keeping. ... I simply cannot

talk to my mother. She puts me off

when I ask questions about love and

life and will not listen to me. Or, if

I ask and she listens, she grows sus-

picious and commences an espionage

that destroys my happiness and ends

our confidential chats. . . . Tell me,

how many times may I kiss a boy?

. . . . Or, is it all right to kiss once?

. . . . And is the ‘soul kiss’ a sin?”

Others have learned the answer to

“When Is It A Sin?” through blight-
ing experiences. Such anxiously seek

for help in rebuilding their broken-

down resistance to the fiery impulses

of youth. These anguished ones long

to regain their self-respect and to



4 COMPANY KEEPING:

have restored to them the respect of

their neighbor. Their quests for

moral and social reconstruction touch

my heart in a most poignant manner

and bring out all the tenderness of

my womanly sympathy.

Questions concerning the propriety,

yes more, the safety of certain ac-

tions, more particularly, with respect

to expressions of affection, spring not

from exceptional cases, but are indic-

ative of the emotional problems with

which even our most virtuous girls

are confronted.

Of Paramount Interest

There is no subject of such para-

mount interest to the average maid

as the one having to do with com-

pany-keeping. The normal girl, who

has not a vocation to the religious

life, or to virginity in the world, de-

votes many hours of each week to the

thought of some particular hero, who

is either her prospective husband, in

reality, or in wish—which is some-
thing quite different, as time will

prove to her; or, she dreams of the



WHEN IS IT A SIN? S

great Somebody, who is to come from

the nebulous Somewhere, and claim

her for his own.

Unless an older woman be dried-up

in soul, unless her sympathies are

atrophied, and her understanding

dull, the wholesome and entirely legi-

timate ambitions of her younger sis-

ters find responsive interest in her

heart. Hence, anything that promotes

the happiness or disturbs the peace

of girls gains her ready hearing.

But since the heart of a good girl

is sensitive, and since the virtue of

the modest maiden is delicate, there

are questions crowding into the im-

agination of these charming ones,

questions originating from youth’s

impulsive emotions, that no human

being—not even the wise director of
souls in the holy Sacrament of Pen-

ance—can venture to answer with a
decisive “yes” or “no”. The ambas-

sador of Christ is often obliged to say

to such : “Confess your sins honestly,

as you believe them to be, and leave

the determination of the full guilt to

God, Who sees all things, Who knows



6 COMPANY KEEPING:

the motives, and Who understands

the action of your will.”

When Is It a Sin?

It might be helpful to study briefly

the beginnings of sin before plung-

ing into the elusive subject of human

emotions and when such emotions,

and the thoughts that usually (but

not always) produce these emotions,

partake of the malice of sin. It is also

proper to impress the truth that sin

lies in the will—the consent to offend
God—the choice of a seeming present
good over a constant loyalty to God

and the everlasting happiness that is

the reward of such fidelity. In order

to avoid nervous anxiety and scrupu-

losity, it is important to remember

the three essential constitutes of a

grievous sin, which are: A grievous
matter, sufficient reflection, and a

full consent of the will. It is also im-

portant for the peace of mind of the

highly sensitive that they realize

temptations are not sins; that the

most violent emotional desires and

the most pursuing evil imaginations



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 1

do not constitute sin until the will

gives consent. But the caution is here

entered that chastity is a delicate

virtue; it may not be exposed ruth-

lessly to unruly human elements, nor

may intruding temptations be met

with a friendly tolerance. Dependent

upon the nature of the temptation,

the disposition of the combatant, and

the surrounding circumstances, all

onslaughts against purity, whether

they be in thought, desire, or act,

must be met decisively in two ways

:

either by direct repudiation or direct

ignoring—a deliberate snubbing.

The First Reply Brief

Sin is world-old. And ever since

Eve gave Adam that delicious, rosy

apple plucked from the Tree of

Knowledge, man has imitated the

father of the human race and glibly

defended himself, when caught in his

sins, in the language of the first re-

ply brief ever offered by a defendant

:

“The woman gave it to me to eat.”

But the sin of Adam and Eve was

not a sin of lust. It was a sin of dis-



8 COMPANY KEEPING:

obedience. Sin first found place in

woman’s heart through pride, desire

for power, and curiosity. Pride, be-

cause the serpent told her the delect-

able fruit would make her like unto

God; desire for power, because it is

humanly pleasant to feel one has in-

fluence; and curiosity, because of her

desire to penetrate the unknown and

to see into the things that were hid-

den. And Adam sinned because he

had not backbone enough to resist

the seduction of the woman he loved.

He really didn’t want to eat that lus-

cious, perfect fruit, because God had

laid a command against such indulg-

ence. His better judgment warned

him against the imprudence
;

his

spiritual nature, still in its original

and transcendently beautiful integ-

rity, instinctively held back from the

disobedience which would offend God

and defame his soul. Doubtless, too,

he sensed the heavy penalty. But

then, as too often now, the woman

conquered not only the judgment of

man, but defiled his spirit in her un-

holy victory.



WHEN IS' IT A SIN? »

First Sins of Youth

The first sins of youth against holy

purity are often sins of curiosity

—

experimental adventures, fired by hu-

man concupiscence. The beautiful

young girl, innocent and untarnished,

stands on the edge of knowledge,

tremulous and sensitively expectant.

She wonders about the great secrets

of the human heart and woman’s

marvelous power of attracting the

opposite kind, which she has heard

attributed to her sex. These revela-

tions have come to her through the

boastful words of her companions, or

subtly from her elders, or by innuen-

does. Or, perhaps she has read lurid

romances and other insidious or blat-

ant expose of natural lust, which is

so foreign to spiritualized and con-

trolled love.

The Deadliest Misinformant

In Our Day

But in our day perhaps the dead-

liest misinformant as to the ways of

true living is the moving picture

show. The “Talkies” have increased



10 COMPANY KEEPING:

the danger of the Movies. The inflec-

tions of the voice and the insinuating

intonations of vice give a keener edge

to lust and the other depravities

shown by moving pictures, since con-

versation has been introduced by the

Talkie.

Our youth go to visit in the dens

of iniquity when they sit through

many of the attractions offered by

these silver screen productions, for

the scenes are so vivid that for all

practical purposes young people had

just as well be actually in the pre-

sence of men and women who are

violating the holy virtue of chastity.

I believe that the prevailing unclean

theatrical presentations (both legiti-

mate and vaudeville) and the inde-

cent movies, together with the vile-

ness of current literature, are respon-

sible in no small measure for young

folks having learned the ways of

their own easy sinning.

Glamourous Surroundings

Black looks white in glamourous

surroundings. Present a beautiful



WHEN IS IT A SIN? II

home setting, or luxurious country-

club, or hotel background, have the

men in tuxedo or strictly formal

dress, and the women gorgeously

gowned, with said frocks made daz-

zlingly conspicous by their abbrevi-

ated sensuous appeal, and then pro-

ceed to introduce the ever-present

“triangle”, the indecent affairs, and

all the lusts that flaunt so boldly and

enticingly (for youth) on the cinema,

and you have your answer for the dis-

torted consciences of our young Cath-

olic men and women.

The Consequences

And what is the consequence of all

this? Ideals are lowered; standards

are dethroned. Natural impulses are

set loose to conquer the supernatural.

It has become all too common—for
maidens who have sprung from old

Catholic strains, who have been born

and reared in the faith, who have

been taught that their thoughts,

their desires, and their acts must be

chaste; that all near occasions to sin

must be avoided
;
that the most price-



12 COMPANY KEEPING:

less thing in the soul of a girl is her

purity, and the noblest virtue in the

young man is the preservation of his

moral integrity—I say it has become
common to forget these lessons of

virtue, these loftly ideals, and the

ways and means of conquering human

temptations and natural human de-

sires. Hence, the license that former-

ly only women who had neither re-

gard for their good names nor for

their soul’s sanctification dared to

exercise, is now usurped freely by

Christian youth. It has become usual

for the lad to expect payment for his

social courtesies. It has come to the

sad pass where young women give

bribes. That is what it amounts to,

at least.

Take a Look at Yourselves

Turn the three-angle mirror on

yourselves, girls, in the white light

of God’s merciful grace. See if the

spiritual beacon does not reveal in

searchingly accusing flashes that it

has become a case of barter and sale.

The man takes you to the movie, to



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 13

dinner, to a dance, to a bridge party,

or, for an automobile drive, and a

windup dinner of chicken and the

trimmings. But you owe him no lib-

erties for this. You make yourself as

attractive as possible, which is all

right and the sensible thing for you

to do—if you do it with a good inten-
tion

;
that is, if you do it to be pleas-

ing to your escort, to be a credit to

his judgment in the selection of his

friends, and to show that you respect

both him and yourself by making

yourself personally as innocently in-

viting as your means allow and nature

has given you the power to legitimate-

ly let shine. You are not even ex-

pected to stop at this attempt to

please by appearance, but you have

every moral right to endeavor to be

magnetically attractive in refined

speech, by your womanly smile, by

the virtuous light in your eyes, by

the warmth of your pure heart, and

by your general quiet, but gay man-

ner—each girl according to her natu-
ral disposition, improved upon by

character cultivation. Diversity



14 COMPANY KEEPING:

pleases diversified natures. Some

men like the girl quiet and a good

listener; other men like the maiden

to be vivacious and a good talker to

fill in the embarrassing silences occa-

sioned by their own inadequacy of

expression. And so on. There is no

accounting for tastes, otherwise there

would be more dissatisfied husbands

in the world; i. e., if they all wanted

the same type of girl and felt alike

on what constitutes a pleasing per-

sonality. Of course, they all do or

should desire only a worthy girl for

a wife.

From the Legitimate to the
Sell-Out

If you will stick to your womanly

last and be earnest Catholic girls,

you will hold the grace of God, retain

your self-respect, and enjoy the es-

teem of all good men. But more: you

will make evil minds pause, dazzled

by the chastity in your eyes, the mod-

esty of your actions, and the maiden-

ly reserve in your words. To refrain

from the defilement of the good and



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 15

to allay lust in the hearts of men

steeped in sin, will ever constitute the

greatest human victory that woman

can win over man. She then becomes

close to the angel in appeal. And I

want you to believe me, dear girls,

when I tell you that is what every

good man, and even evil men, find

irresistibly charming in young wo-

manhood. There is nothing so power-

ful as virtuous loveliness. . . . not

gold, not riches, not physical beauty,

not high position—no, none of these
entrances as does sinlessness. Sinful

indulgence intoxicates and drugs. It

is an opiate that kills the soul and

harms the body. Self-control—purity
exalts the soul at the same tim« it

preserves it from defilement. A clean
heart is a happy heart. This happi-

ness reflects in the clear, open eye,

gives lightness to the step, buoyancy

to the disposition, and a luminosity

to the face. Girls, chastity imparts a

peculiar beauty to the countenance.

It produces a loveliness of soul that

refuses to be cloaked, which is the

reason why its radiance lights the



16 COMPANY KEEPING:

human form with beauty entirely

distinct from mere natural perfec-

tion of feature and grace of body.

Be Unaffected

Under no circumstance would I

have you prudish nor squeamishly ap-

prehensive of sin. It is not my

thought to remotely suggest that you

look for evil. On the contrary, let

your virtue, sustained by the Sacra-

ments and prayer, become your pro-

tector from vice. Guarded by the in-

nocence of your life and the prudent

exercise of womanly modesty and dig-

nity, meet your men friends and en-

joy their companionship in a whole-

some and unaffected manner. Be

natural, girlish, and sweet. The

greatest compliment a man can pay a

woman is to feel so strongly and be

so thoroughly imbued with her wo-

manliness that he shows by the rever-

ence in his eyes, by his protectiveness,

and by the expansion of his heart

that he senses her good character and

that his finer nature exults in her

sweetness. Don’t misunderstand

:



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 17

not cloyingly sweet, but gentle, ten-

der, kind, and pure.

And Do Not Be Deceived by

Worldly Standards

The world and those living accord-

ing to Pagan standards and ideals

will try to prove to you that sinful

ways are natural, therefore there is

no wrong in obeying certain natural

impulses when they call you to in-

dulgences which you learned even

when you were children were to be

denied. I refer here to the consent to

any sins against the sixth and ninth

commandments, whether these pull-

ing temptations be to sins against

purity in thought, desire, or act.

Do not deceive yourselves, girls,

nor permit yourselves to be deceived.

Impurity is not sweet, though tempt-

ation and the tempter would urge

that such sin is desirable. Lust lures,

but in the lure lies death. Remember

in moments of temptation: Chastity

is most delicate, hence easily hurt.

So put yourselves in the care of the

Blessed Mother, the Queen of Virgins



18 COMPANY KEEPING:

and of Angels, confess your sins of-

ten; whatever they may be, however

shameful, tell them honestly and

without fear, humbly and with sor-

row. Be determined to live in the

grace of God. Obey your confessor’s

warnings. Seek his advice when in

doubt. Trust him. God commission-

ed him to be your friend and your

soul’s guardian. Sustain your spirit-

ual determinations by frequent Holy

Communion, which will calm turbu-

lent thoughts and inflammable emo-

tions. If you are thus strengthened

in virtue, sweetly alluring impulses

to sins against purity will turn to a

terrible fear of offending God, of los-

ing His grace, and of sacrificing the

most precious adornment of woman-

hood—chastity.

The Answer to Your Questions

You are entitled to know some-

thing of your physiological constitu-

tion. It is both a protection to your

health and to your virtue to have suf-

ficient information concerning sex,

its purpose and functions. You have



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 19

a right to this first knowledge

through a chaste, reverent acquisi-

tion. Though temptation is strong,

and the flesh is weak, it is my belief

if the necessary, not detailed nor

overly stressed, expositions of the

facts of life were gradually made to

the adolescent boy and girl, at the

proper ages, by the mother to the

daughter, and by the father to the

son, and the lad and the maid were

thus taught that nature, which is

God’s own work, is beautiful; and if

its purposes with regard to matters

of sex were revealed in a way that

made them understandable in the

light of eternity, the modern world

would have fewer sad situations to

face, not so many broken lives, dark-

ened souls, and anguished hearts.

But, this information, while import-

ant, will be insufficient for moral pre-

servation unless the souls of our

young people are protected by the

grace of the Sacraments, by frequent

and fervent prayer, and by a zealous

crusade against the indecencies of

the theatre, the movies, and the press.



20 COMPANY KEEPING:

Company-Keeping Is a Sacred

Time

Company-keeping is a most im-

portant, and, it should be a sacred

time in young people’s lives. It should

be the preparation for a happiness

of long duration—a married happi-
ness mingled with sorrow and pain,

with responsibilities and with plea-

sure, but with the whole lightened by

mutual love of man and woman for

each other. If company-keeping is a

holy period in the life of a man and

a woman, it stands to reason any-

thing that defiles the soul and weak-

ens the will is taboo. And a young

woman should have a further thought

on the subject. Tokens of affection

may be no occasion of sin to her, and

at the same time be grave temptations

to the man she loves and whom she

has promised to marry. Charity dic-

tates prudence and consideration on

the part of the woman.

What Is Permitted

The engaged couple may give a

brief kiss of pure affection when



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 21

meeting and in parting, for instance.

But they must be prudent in this re-

gard, and virtuously restrained. They

may express their love for each other

by gentle considerations, by pure

ooks and acts that breathe the ecstasy

of their hearts and their chaste long-

ing for each other, but they may not

enter upon liberties that weaken the

chain of sacred devotion and that ul-

timately will lead them into sin, if

not in act, at least in sins of thought

and desire, which sins easily invade

the lives of couples contemplating

marriage, and unless prudence pro-

tects, they cast a shadow on an ex-

quisite thing—human love—and kill
the grace of God in the soul. En-

gaged couples should avoid long per-

iods alone in each other’s company.

Let them be frank and sweet in their

affections; let them share their joys

with the family, and keep out in the

sunlight. This is the practice that

leads to happiness. It is the virtuous

right-of-way in the exercise of hu-

man affections granted by God.



22 COMPANY KEEPING:

Promiscuous Demonstrations

As for promiscuous demonstrations

of interest, regard, or whatever one

might call it, and a scattering of wo-

manly favors by kisses, and the like

:

I do not even desire to go into this

feature in detail. The pages in this

little book are consecrated to God and

dedicated to our Catholic girls. They

are written for the promotion of His

glory and for the spread of His

Truth, and in the humble hope that

the suggestions offered may assist

our Catholic young women in pre-

serving in their lives the ideals and

standards of Catholic womanhood. It

follows, no possible contamination

for the innocent should enter by a full

discussion of the familiarities that

lead to vice. Virtuous youth might

be harmed thereby. The guilty should

take both inspiration and warning

from the ideals set out and such do

not need definitions and illustrations

of evil customs and evil habits, in

which they are already too well

versed, to their souls’ harm and to

the blight of their womanly charms.



WHEHN IS IT A SIN? 23

Suffice it to say: If a girl thinks

straight, if she loves God and strives

for virtue, if she has been taught

well and is true to the lessons re-

ceived, she will know better than to

kiss Tom, Dick, and Harry, much

less permit the so-called “necking”

that young people boldly speak of

and indulge in.

Kisses Should Be Held at a

Premium

Remember, ardent kisses should be

held at a high premium. They should

be so priceless that only a husband

given at the foot of the Altar, where-

on rests the Spotless Lamb of God,

has the price with which to buy them.

And this price is not gold. It is in-
tegrity, provided with the sacra-

mental right. You and he will then

be man and wife. Your love will be
sanctified. Your natural expression

of love will be part of the holy Sacra-

ment of Matrimony. You may then
enjoy the human element of the pas-
sion of love in innocence and with the

blessing of God.



24 COMPANY KEEPING:

Movie “Soul Kiss” Has Led

Many To Death

From what I have just written con-

cerning ardent kisses you should un-

derstand the term “soul kiss” means

to the virtuous Catholic woman and

to the earnest Catholic man only one

thing when indulged in out of wed-

lock: SIN.

The survey of the Movies made at

the request of the Motion Picture Re-

search Council and supported by The

Payne Fund, which was offered to the

general public in a conveniently

abridged form by Henry James For-

man under the title of “OUR MOVIE

MADE CHILDREN”, reveals the
spiritual destruction wrought by the

amorous scenes common to most of

the love features exhibited by the mo-

tion picture shows through the acting

of their most popular emotional

stars. One star was mentioned in

particular, but I forbear to name her

now. But you girls should take heed

from the confession of one young

man, who testified he was guilty of



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 25

his first grave lapse from chastity

after having witnessed the scenes in

love-making and lustful seduction

created by this much headlined and

publicized movie star. If your con-

sciences are not dead you will under-

stand that for you to be guilty of such

indiscretions will not only harm your

own soul, but you will seriously of-

fend against charity by leading the

partner to your indulgence into mor-

tal sins of thought and desire, if in-

deed not of act.

Be careful ! Thousands of girls lose

their virtue every year through their

heedlessness of danger. Start a fire,

inhale the flames of lust, and your

soul will die.

As to Silly, Light Kisses

As to the silly, light kisses maidens

pawn for masculine attention: Re-

spect yourselves, girls. Don’t let down

the bars. You will get many more

opportunities to marry if you will

cultivate womanly graces, and if you

are careful not to cheapen yourselves.

And you will be safe. As indicated



26 COMPANY KEEPING:

in the above paragraph, many a sad

heart now groans in disgrace which

would sing a mother-lullaby and be

happy in and protected by a good

husband’s true love, if the girl had

not marked herself down.

A Happy Medium Is Always
Best

I don’t want any one of you to be

a prude. I want you to be simple and

sweet
;
gay and friendly

;
unselfish

and attractive
; as entertaining as you

have talent to be and of which you

have learned the virtuous art. But I

do beg of you to be reserved, and urge

you to hold your treasures from

rough hands and greedy, evil desires.

Shun the Violator

Rather than have this boy and that

man put his arm around your shoul-

ders and embrace you; rather than

have the violator (and every man

who takes the sweetness from a girl

by undue familiarities is a violator,

though the girl by her consent may

become a willing party to the viola-



WHEN IS IT A SIN? 27

tion)—rather than have the violator
bruise your virginal lips, prefer to

have the breath of life crushed out

by the cruel twining of a huge boa-

constrictor, and your blood chilled

and congealed by the venom of a

viper, on whose head you have un-

knowingly thrust your foot, than to

be embraced and kissed by the men

who seek your company, extend their

social courtesies, and then, like base

sycophants, demand that you pay by

the surrender of your soul.



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The Sacred Heart: Why Honor It?
The Protestant Mind—In 1935 A. D.
The Communistic Crisis.
A Grown Up Altar Boy.
Explanations for a tranger attendind Catholic Ser-
vices.

“The Christian Faith Before the Bar of Reason.”
Home, School and Co.
Maid of the Sacred Sword.

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