02W c>iua' CON11 Co *~1 p<*v> V UT«' C-Y1N i KEEPING : When Is It A Sin? Bv MARY E. McGILL Company Keeping When Is It A Sin? By Mary E. McGill, Editor of “Woman’s Interests,” Our Sunday Visitor (This little book is affectionately dedicated to our Young Women, whose happi- ness lies so close to my heart.) Nihil Obstat: REV. T. E. DILLON Censor Libroruifc Imprimatur: •fr JOHN FRANCIS NOLL, D. D., Bishop of Fort Wayne Fourth Edition 20,000 No. 48 OUR SUNDAY VISITOR PRESS Huntington, Indiana Deacldlfled Company Keeping: When Is It A Sin? Not a week-day passes without my mail bringing insistent and heart- eager queries: “Miss McGill, I am a young girl who wants to do right, but I am full of doubt as to what is per- missible and what is wrong in com- pany-keeping. ... I simply cannot talk to my mother. She puts me off when I ask questions about love and life and will not listen to me. Or, if I ask and she listens, she grows sus- picious and commences an espionage that destroys my happiness and ends our confidential chats. . . . Tell me, how many times may I kiss a boy? . . . . Or, is it all right to kiss once? . . . . And is the ‘soul kiss’ a sin?” Others have learned the answer to “When Is It A Sin?” through blight- ing experiences. Such anxiously seek for help in rebuilding their broken- down resistance to the fiery impulses of youth. These anguished ones long to regain their self-respect and to 4 COMPANY KEEPING: have restored to them the respect of their neighbor. Their quests for moral and social reconstruction touch my heart in a most poignant manner and bring out all the tenderness of my womanly sympathy. Questions concerning the propriety, yes more, the safety of certain ac- tions, more particularly, with respect to expressions of affection, spring not from exceptional cases, but are indic- ative of the emotional problems with which even our most virtuous girls are confronted. Of Paramount Interest There is no subject of such para- mount interest to the average maid as the one having to do with com- pany-keeping. The normal girl, who has not a vocation to the religious life, or to virginity in the world, de- votes many hours of each week to the thought of some particular hero, who is either her prospective husband, in reality, or in wish—which is some- thing quite different, as time will prove to her; or, she dreams of the WHEN IS IT A SIN? S great Somebody, who is to come from the nebulous Somewhere, and claim her for his own. Unless an older woman be dried-up in soul, unless her sympathies are atrophied, and her understanding dull, the wholesome and entirely legi- timate ambitions of her younger sis- ters find responsive interest in her heart. Hence, anything that promotes the happiness or disturbs the peace of girls gains her ready hearing. But since the heart of a good girl is sensitive, and since the virtue of the modest maiden is delicate, there are questions crowding into the im- agination of these charming ones, questions originating from youth’s impulsive emotions, that no human being—not even the wise director of souls in the holy Sacrament of Pen- ance—can venture to answer with a decisive “yes” or “no”. The ambas- sador of Christ is often obliged to say to such : “Confess your sins honestly, as you believe them to be, and leave the determination of the full guilt to God, Who sees all things, Who knows 6 COMPANY KEEPING: the motives, and Who understands the action of your will.” When Is It a Sin? It might be helpful to study briefly the beginnings of sin before plung- ing into the elusive subject of human emotions and when such emotions, and the thoughts that usually (but not always) produce these emotions, partake of the malice of sin. It is also proper to impress the truth that sin lies in the will—the consent to offend God—the choice of a seeming present good over a constant loyalty to God and the everlasting happiness that is the reward of such fidelity. In order to avoid nervous anxiety and scrupu- losity, it is important to remember the three essential constitutes of a grievous sin, which are: A grievous matter, sufficient reflection, and a full consent of the will. It is also im- portant for the peace of mind of the highly sensitive that they realize temptations are not sins; that the most violent emotional desires and the most pursuing evil imaginations WHEN IS IT A SIN? 1 do not constitute sin until the will gives consent. But the caution is here entered that chastity is a delicate virtue; it may not be exposed ruth- lessly to unruly human elements, nor may intruding temptations be met with a friendly tolerance. Dependent upon the nature of the temptation, the disposition of the combatant, and the surrounding circumstances, all onslaughts against purity, whether they be in thought, desire, or act, must be met decisively in two ways : either by direct repudiation or direct ignoring—a deliberate snubbing. The First Reply Brief Sin is world-old. And ever since Eve gave Adam that delicious, rosy apple plucked from the Tree of Knowledge, man has imitated the father of the human race and glibly defended himself, when caught in his sins, in the language of the first re- ply brief ever offered by a defendant : “The woman gave it to me to eat.” But the sin of Adam and Eve was not a sin of lust. It was a sin of dis- 8 COMPANY KEEPING: obedience. Sin first found place in woman’s heart through pride, desire for power, and curiosity. Pride, be- cause the serpent told her the delect- able fruit would make her like unto God; desire for power, because it is humanly pleasant to feel one has in- fluence; and curiosity, because of her desire to penetrate the unknown and to see into the things that were hid- den. And Adam sinned because he had not backbone enough to resist the seduction of the woman he loved. He really didn’t want to eat that lus- cious, perfect fruit, because God had laid a command against such indulg- ence. His better judgment warned him against the imprudence ; his spiritual nature, still in its original and transcendently beautiful integ- rity, instinctively held back from the disobedience which would offend God and defame his soul. Doubtless, too, he sensed the heavy penalty. But then, as too often now, the woman conquered not only the judgment of man, but defiled his spirit in her un- holy victory. WHEN IS' IT A SIN? » First Sins of Youth The first sins of youth against holy purity are often sins of curiosity — experimental adventures, fired by hu- man concupiscence. The beautiful young girl, innocent and untarnished, stands on the edge of knowledge, tremulous and sensitively expectant. She wonders about the great secrets of the human heart and woman’s marvelous power of attracting the opposite kind, which she has heard attributed to her sex. These revela- tions have come to her through the boastful words of her companions, or subtly from her elders, or by innuen- does. Or, perhaps she has read lurid romances and other insidious or blat- ant expose of natural lust, which is so foreign to spiritualized and con- trolled love. The Deadliest Misinformant In Our Day But in our day perhaps the dead- liest misinformant as to the ways of true living is the moving picture show. The “Talkies” have increased 10 COMPANY KEEPING: the danger of the Movies. The inflec- tions of the voice and the insinuating intonations of vice give a keener edge to lust and the other depravities shown by moving pictures, since con- versation has been introduced by the Talkie. Our youth go to visit in the dens of iniquity when they sit through many of the attractions offered by these silver screen productions, for the scenes are so vivid that for all practical purposes young people had just as well be actually in the pre- sence of men and women who are violating the holy virtue of chastity. I believe that the prevailing unclean theatrical presentations (both legiti- mate and vaudeville) and the inde- cent movies, together with the vile- ness of current literature, are respon- sible in no small measure for young folks having learned the ways of their own easy sinning. Glamourous Surroundings Black looks white in glamourous surroundings. Present a beautiful WHEN IS IT A SIN? II home setting, or luxurious country- club, or hotel background, have the men in tuxedo or strictly formal dress, and the women gorgeously gowned, with said frocks made daz- zlingly conspicous by their abbrevi- ated sensuous appeal, and then pro- ceed to introduce the ever-present “triangle”, the indecent affairs, and all the lusts that flaunt so boldly and enticingly (for youth) on the cinema, and you have your answer for the dis- torted consciences of our young Cath- olic men and women. The Consequences And what is the consequence of all this? Ideals are lowered; standards are dethroned. Natural impulses are set loose to conquer the supernatural. It has become all too common—for maidens who have sprung from old Catholic strains, who have been born and reared in the faith, who have been taught that their thoughts, their desires, and their acts must be chaste; that all near occasions to sin must be avoided ; that the most price- 12 COMPANY KEEPING: less thing in the soul of a girl is her purity, and the noblest virtue in the young man is the preservation of his moral integrity—I say it has become common to forget these lessons of virtue, these loftly ideals, and the ways and means of conquering human temptations and natural human de- sires. Hence, the license that former- ly only women who had neither re- gard for their good names nor for their soul’s sanctification dared to exercise, is now usurped freely by Christian youth. It has become usual for the lad to expect payment for his social courtesies. It has come to the sad pass where young women give bribes. That is what it amounts to, at least. Take a Look at Yourselves Turn the three-angle mirror on yourselves, girls, in the white light of God’s merciful grace. See if the spiritual beacon does not reveal in searchingly accusing flashes that it has become a case of barter and sale. The man takes you to the movie, to WHEN IS IT A SIN? 13 dinner, to a dance, to a bridge party, or, for an automobile drive, and a windup dinner of chicken and the trimmings. But you owe him no lib- erties for this. You make yourself as attractive as possible, which is all right and the sensible thing for you to do—if you do it with a good inten- tion ; that is, if you do it to be pleas- ing to your escort, to be a credit to his judgment in the selection of his friends, and to show that you respect both him and yourself by making yourself personally as innocently in- viting as your means allow and nature has given you the power to legitimate- ly let shine. You are not even ex- pected to stop at this attempt to please by appearance, but you have every moral right to endeavor to be magnetically attractive in refined speech, by your womanly smile, by the virtuous light in your eyes, by the warmth of your pure heart, and by your general quiet, but gay man- ner—each girl according to her natu- ral disposition, improved upon by character cultivation. Diversity 14 COMPANY KEEPING: pleases diversified natures. Some men like the girl quiet and a good listener; other men like the maiden to be vivacious and a good talker to fill in the embarrassing silences occa- sioned by their own inadequacy of expression. And so on. There is no accounting for tastes, otherwise there would be more dissatisfied husbands in the world; i. e., if they all wanted the same type of girl and felt alike on what constitutes a pleasing per- sonality. Of course, they all do or should desire only a worthy girl for a wife. From the Legitimate to the Sell-Out If you will stick to your womanly last and be earnest Catholic girls, you will hold the grace of God, retain your self-respect, and enjoy the es- teem of all good men. But more: you will make evil minds pause, dazzled by the chastity in your eyes, the mod- esty of your actions, and the maiden- ly reserve in your words. To refrain from the defilement of the good and WHEN IS IT A SIN? 15 to allay lust in the hearts of men steeped in sin, will ever constitute the greatest human victory that woman can win over man. She then becomes close to the angel in appeal. And I want you to believe me, dear girls, when I tell you that is what every good man, and even evil men, find irresistibly charming in young wo- manhood. There is nothing so power- ful as virtuous loveliness. . . . not gold, not riches, not physical beauty, not high position—no, none of these entrances as does sinlessness. Sinful indulgence intoxicates and drugs. It is an opiate that kills the soul and harms the body. Self-control—purity exalts the soul at the same tim« it preserves it from defilement. A clean heart is a happy heart. This happi- ness reflects in the clear, open eye, gives lightness to the step, buoyancy to the disposition, and a luminosity to the face. Girls, chastity imparts a peculiar beauty to the countenance. It produces a loveliness of soul that refuses to be cloaked, which is the reason why its radiance lights the 16 COMPANY KEEPING: human form with beauty entirely distinct from mere natural perfec- tion of feature and grace of body. Be Unaffected Under no circumstance would I have you prudish nor squeamishly ap- prehensive of sin. It is not my thought to remotely suggest that you look for evil. On the contrary, let your virtue, sustained by the Sacra- ments and prayer, become your pro- tector from vice. Guarded by the in- nocence of your life and the prudent exercise of womanly modesty and dig- nity, meet your men friends and en- joy their companionship in a whole- some and unaffected manner. Be natural, girlish, and sweet. The greatest compliment a man can pay a woman is to feel so strongly and be so thoroughly imbued with her wo- manliness that he shows by the rever- ence in his eyes, by his protectiveness, and by the expansion of his heart that he senses her good character and that his finer nature exults in her sweetness. Don’t misunderstand : WHEN IS IT A SIN? 17 not cloyingly sweet, but gentle, ten- der, kind, and pure. And Do Not Be Deceived by Worldly Standards The world and those living accord- ing to Pagan standards and ideals will try to prove to you that sinful ways are natural, therefore there is no wrong in obeying certain natural impulses when they call you to in- dulgences which you learned even when you were children were to be denied. I refer here to the consent to any sins against the sixth and ninth commandments, whether these pull- ing temptations be to sins against purity in thought, desire, or act. Do not deceive yourselves, girls, nor permit yourselves to be deceived. Impurity is not sweet, though tempt- ation and the tempter would urge that such sin is desirable. Lust lures, but in the lure lies death. Remember in moments of temptation: Chastity is most delicate, hence easily hurt. So put yourselves in the care of the Blessed Mother, the Queen of Virgins 18 COMPANY KEEPING: and of Angels, confess your sins of- ten; whatever they may be, however shameful, tell them honestly and without fear, humbly and with sor- row. Be determined to live in the grace of God. Obey your confessor’s warnings. Seek his advice when in doubt. Trust him. God commission- ed him to be your friend and your soul’s guardian. Sustain your spirit- ual determinations by frequent Holy Communion, which will calm turbu- lent thoughts and inflammable emo- tions. If you are thus strengthened in virtue, sweetly alluring impulses to sins against purity will turn to a terrible fear of offending God, of los- ing His grace, and of sacrificing the most precious adornment of woman- hood—chastity. The Answer to Your Questions You are entitled to know some- thing of your physiological constitu- tion. It is both a protection to your health and to your virtue to have suf- ficient information concerning sex, its purpose and functions. You have WHEN IS IT A SIN? 19 a right to this first knowledge through a chaste, reverent acquisi- tion. Though temptation is strong, and the flesh is weak, it is my belief if the necessary, not detailed nor overly stressed, expositions of the facts of life were gradually made to the adolescent boy and girl, at the proper ages, by the mother to the daughter, and by the father to the son, and the lad and the maid were thus taught that nature, which is God’s own work, is beautiful; and if its purposes with regard to matters of sex were revealed in a way that made them understandable in the light of eternity, the modern world would have fewer sad situations to face, not so many broken lives, dark- ened souls, and anguished hearts. But, this information, while import- ant, will be insufficient for moral pre- servation unless the souls of our young people are protected by the grace of the Sacraments, by frequent and fervent prayer, and by a zealous crusade against the indecencies of the theatre, the movies, and the press. 20 COMPANY KEEPING: Company-Keeping Is a Sacred Time Company-keeping is a most im- portant, and, it should be a sacred time in young people’s lives. It should be the preparation for a happiness of long duration—a married happi- ness mingled with sorrow and pain, with responsibilities and with plea- sure, but with the whole lightened by mutual love of man and woman for each other. If company-keeping is a holy period in the life of a man and a woman, it stands to reason any- thing that defiles the soul and weak- ens the will is taboo. And a young woman should have a further thought on the subject. Tokens of affection may be no occasion of sin to her, and at the same time be grave temptations to the man she loves and whom she has promised to marry. Charity dic- tates prudence and consideration on the part of the woman. What Is Permitted The engaged couple may give a brief kiss of pure affection when WHEN IS IT A SIN? 21 meeting and in parting, for instance. But they must be prudent in this re- gard, and virtuously restrained. They may express their love for each other by gentle considerations, by pure ooks and acts that breathe the ecstasy of their hearts and their chaste long- ing for each other, but they may not enter upon liberties that weaken the chain of sacred devotion and that ul- timately will lead them into sin, if not in act, at least in sins of thought and desire, which sins easily invade the lives of couples contemplating marriage, and unless prudence pro- tects, they cast a shadow on an ex- quisite thing—human love—and kill the grace of God in the soul. En- gaged couples should avoid long per- iods alone in each other’s company. Let them be frank and sweet in their affections; let them share their joys with the family, and keep out in the sunlight. This is the practice that leads to happiness. It is the virtuous right-of-way in the exercise of hu- man affections granted by God. 22 COMPANY KEEPING: Promiscuous Demonstrations As for promiscuous demonstrations of interest, regard, or whatever one might call it, and a scattering of wo- manly favors by kisses, and the like : I do not even desire to go into this feature in detail. The pages in this little book are consecrated to God and dedicated to our Catholic girls. They are written for the promotion of His glory and for the spread of His Truth, and in the humble hope that the suggestions offered may assist our Catholic young women in pre- serving in their lives the ideals and standards of Catholic womanhood. It follows, no possible contamination for the innocent should enter by a full discussion of the familiarities that lead to vice. Virtuous youth might be harmed thereby. The guilty should take both inspiration and warning from the ideals set out and such do not need definitions and illustrations of evil customs and evil habits, in which they are already too well versed, to their souls’ harm and to the blight of their womanly charms. WHEHN IS IT A SIN? 23 Suffice it to say: If a girl thinks straight, if she loves God and strives for virtue, if she has been taught well and is true to the lessons re- ceived, she will know better than to kiss Tom, Dick, and Harry, much less permit the so-called “necking” that young people boldly speak of and indulge in. Kisses Should Be Held at a Premium Remember, ardent kisses should be held at a high premium. They should be so priceless that only a husband given at the foot of the Altar, where- on rests the Spotless Lamb of God, has the price with which to buy them. And this price is not gold. It is in- tegrity, provided with the sacra- mental right. You and he will then be man and wife. Your love will be sanctified. Your natural expression of love will be part of the holy Sacra- ment of Matrimony. You may then enjoy the human element of the pas- sion of love in innocence and with the blessing of God. 24 COMPANY KEEPING: Movie “Soul Kiss” Has Led Many To Death From what I have just written con- cerning ardent kisses you should un- derstand the term “soul kiss” means to the virtuous Catholic woman and to the earnest Catholic man only one thing when indulged in out of wed- lock: SIN. The survey of the Movies made at the request of the Motion Picture Re- search Council and supported by The Payne Fund, which was offered to the general public in a conveniently abridged form by Henry James For- man under the title of “OUR MOVIE MADE CHILDREN”, reveals the spiritual destruction wrought by the amorous scenes common to most of the love features exhibited by the mo- tion picture shows through the acting of their most popular emotional stars. One star was mentioned in particular, but I forbear to name her now. But you girls should take heed from the confession of one young man, who testified he was guilty of WHEN IS IT A SIN? 25 his first grave lapse from chastity after having witnessed the scenes in love-making and lustful seduction created by this much headlined and publicized movie star. If your con- sciences are not dead you will under- stand that for you to be guilty of such indiscretions will not only harm your own soul, but you will seriously of- fend against charity by leading the partner to your indulgence into mor- tal sins of thought and desire, if in- deed not of act. Be careful ! Thousands of girls lose their virtue every year through their heedlessness of danger. Start a fire, inhale the flames of lust, and your soul will die. As to Silly, Light Kisses As to the silly, light kisses maidens pawn for masculine attention: Re- spect yourselves, girls. Don’t let down the bars. You will get many more opportunities to marry if you will cultivate womanly graces, and if you are careful not to cheapen yourselves. And you will be safe. As indicated 26 COMPANY KEEPING: in the above paragraph, many a sad heart now groans in disgrace which would sing a mother-lullaby and be happy in and protected by a good husband’s true love, if the girl had not marked herself down. A Happy Medium Is Always Best I don’t want any one of you to be a prude. I want you to be simple and sweet ; gay and friendly ; unselfish and attractive ; as entertaining as you have talent to be and of which you have learned the virtuous art. But I do beg of you to be reserved, and urge you to hold your treasures from rough hands and greedy, evil desires. Shun the Violator Rather than have this boy and that man put his arm around your shoul- ders and embrace you; rather than have the violator (and every man who takes the sweetness from a girl by undue familiarities is a violator, though the girl by her consent may become a willing party to the viola- WHEN IS IT A SIN? 27 tion)—rather than have the violator bruise your virginal lips, prefer to have the breath of life crushed out by the cruel twining of a huge boa- constrictor, and your blood chilled and congealed by the venom of a viper, on whose head you have un- knowingly thrust your foot, than to be embraced and kissed by the men who seek your company, extend their social courtesies, and then, like base sycophants, demand that you pay by the surrender of your soul. Have You Read These New Popular Pamphlets? Any 5 for 25c One Each of All of These, 4c per copy, Postpaid $3.00 per 100, plus transportation. 1 With Whom is the Catholic Church Unpopular? 2 Why Not Investigate the Catholic Religion? 3 Does It Matter Much What Man Believes? 4 Is One Religion As Good As Another? 5 The Bible In the Middle Ages. 6 Why You Should Be a Catholic. 7 The Catholic Church and Civil Governments. 8 Tree Bible an Authority Only in Catholic Hands. 9 God’s Holy Truth Clearly and Simply Told. 10 The Catholic Answer. 11 The Way of the Cross. 12 Which Is Christ’s True Church? 13 Communion Prayers for Every Day. 14 Washington: His Catholic Friends and Allies. 15 What Think You of Christ?—Study of His Divinity. 16 “Aunt Helen’s” Letters to First Communicants. 17 Is Papal Infallibility Reasonable? 18 Can Our Priests Forgive Sins? 19 Does Confession Make Sinning Easy? 20 Correct Conception of God’s Church. 21 Indulgences: What Are They? 22 Penance and Self-Denial: Why? 23 Holy Scripture and Evil Spirits. 24 Romeward Bound. 25 The Real Presence: Fact or Fiction? 26 The Church and Disarmament. 27 Cardinal Newman: Prince of Light. 28 The Church and World Peace. 29 Bishop John N. 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A Grown Up Altar Boy. Explanations for a tranger attendind Catholic Ser- vices. “The Christian Faith Before the Bar of Reason.” Home, School and Co. Maid of the Sacred Sword. you order less than 5 for 25c, the price Is 10c each postpaid) Order Now OUR SUNDAY VISITOR, Huntington, Intf ' \ 1