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FAMILY RETREAT

CONFERENCES

By

REV. EDGAR SCHMIEDELER, O.S.B., Ph.D.

FAMILY LIFE BUREAU

National Catholic Welfare Conference



Digitized by the Internet Archive

in 2016

https://archive.org/details/familyretreatconOOschm



FAMILY RETREAT

CONFERENCES

By

REV. EDGAR SCHMIEDELER, O.S.B., Ph.D.

FAMILY LIFE BUREAU

National Catholic Welfare Conference

1312 Massachusetts Avenue, N.W.

Washington, D. C.



NIHIL OBSTAT:

John Tracy Ellis

Censor Librorum

IMPRIMATUR:

fiB Patrick A. O’Boyle

Archbishop of Washington

August 24, 1953



INTRODUCTION

Much of the material in these conferences has been used by the

author in family retreats given over the years in various dioceses

of the United States. All the material relates to Christian marriage

and family life. Conferences that dealt with such topics as man’s

final end, sin, and the means of grace, were also given at the re-

treats. It is expected that retreat masters who use this publication

will supply conferences of their own on these latter topics.

The publications listed in the course of the series should enable

the family retreat master considerably to elaborate the conferences,

should he care to do so, or even to add to their number.

The “family retreat” is a retreat given for husbands and wives

together. Aiming to bring the ideal of Christian marriage and

family life into full bloom, it is proving an excellent antidote for

the secularism that has in our day invaded so many homes. It has

gradually over the years taken on the proportions of a large and

promising movement. It is hoped that this series of conferences,

published to assist family retreat masters in their work, will give

added impetus to the movement.

Edgar Schmiedeler, O.S.B.



CONTENTS
PAGE

I. Introductory Conference 1

II. The Fundamentals of Christian Marriage 10

III. The Priestly Aspects of Christian Parenthood 22

IV. The Home, a Church in Miniature 32

V. The Family and the Liturgical Year 43

VI. The Home, a School of the Virtues 52

VII. The Moral Virtues
T

61

VIII. The Religious Family Analogy 70

iv



I. INTRODUCTORY CONFERENCE

Since we are entering upon a Family Retreat, it should be in

place that we recall at least briefly what a retreat is, what the

nature of a family retreat is. Some of those present have un-

doubtedly made retreats before; others may not have done so.

At all events, it should be well for all to recall its nature and

purposes.

What a Retreat Is Not

Perhaps we can best do this by first of all looking at the matter

negatively. Thus, a retreat is not merely a time of prayer—though
it is most certainly a fitting time for serious and earnest prayer. It is

definitely a time for closer union with God. Again, it is not merely

a time for instruction; that is, a time to listen to conferences or

sermons—though it is certainly in place that a fair proportion of
the retreat time be allotted to that. Nor is it merely a time to keep

silence, although for keeping the spirit of the retreat, silence is

quite essential.

What a Retreat Is

But a retreat is more than this. It is, from an external point of

view, a period during which a person withdraws as far as possible

from all external preoccupations, from work and leisure time activ-

ities, and in retirement meditates upon the great truths of his

holy religion and applies them most painstakingly to his soul. In

other words, a retreat consists in abandoning for a time the many

duties of Martha, who as you recall from the Gospel story, was

busied about much serving, and sitting in contemplation and zealous

meditation at the feet of our divine Master with Mary.

It is in such a retreat that God makes known His voice in accord

with the words of the prophet Osee: “I will lead her into the

wilderness and will speak to her heart.”

A Grace

Let me ask you that you impress seriously upon your minds at

the wry beginning of these spiritual exercises that the making of

1



a retreat is a grace, a special favor of Almighty God. It is, in a

sense, a sort of spiritual luxury. At any rate, it is something

denied to many others. Needless to say, it would be quite out of

place to abuse such a grace. Indeed, it would really be better that

one stayed away than that one made a retreat in an indifferent

or irreverent way. But, presumably, such remarks are quite super-

fluous with such a group as this.

How to Make the; Retreat

Next to God, the success of your retreat will depend upon your-

selves
;
that is, upon your cooperation with that grace. A few words

regarding the manner of making the retreat should assist you in

cooperating in the fullest measure. Like guardian angels, you can

assist each other, particularly by your example, in the observance

of the retreat. But it is also true that one or more individuals

could make it very difficult for others to be recollected and make

a good retreat. In this connection let me ask you, first of all, that

you observe a reasonable silence. There is nothing so productive of

a true spirit of recollection as the practice of perfect silence. At the

very beginning of the retreat the Holy Spirit exhorts you all, there-

fore, in the words of the patient Job, “Hold your peace a while,

that I may speak whatsoever my mind may suggest.” To be sure,

there should be no harm in a husband and wife discussing retreat

matters together.

To help you to do this; that is, to observe silence, allow me to

suggest that you use your spare time to good purpose—for instance,
in reading some good spiritual book. “A spiritual volume,” says

St. John Chrysostom, “is a letter sent us from heaven to make

known to us God’s will.” I hardly deem it necessary to say, on

the other hand, that you avoid the reading of any secular publica-

tions or periodicals. The whole idea here simply is that if either by

speech or reading, you crowd your mind with anything foreign

to the truths of religion it will hinder you in your retreat.

Prayer and Special Devotions

Then, too, apply yourselves to fervent prayer and to your

favorite religious exercises. The scheduled retreat program which

you will all be expected to follow is indicated for you. By way of

special devotions I would merely suggest meditation on the re-

2



treat conferences given you, devout performance of the Way of

the Cross, visits to the Blessed Sacrament, recitation of the rosary

by husband and wife together, and examination of conscience. If

other exercises or devotions appeal to you, well and good. Follow

your own bent in the matter.

A “Family" Retreat

Above all, during these days of retreat strive to impress upon

yourselves anew the purpose of your existence. Recall the great

truths of your religion, your relation to Almighty God, the obliga-

tions of your state of life, the ways and means in which you can

make your married and family life contribute most effectively to-

ward your sanctification. We know, of course, that in the hustle-
bustle of daily life the minds of even religiously-inclined individuals

can stray pretty far from these important matters. It is with regard

to them that the retreat master is expected to be of assistance to

you. And let me say here I consider this definitely a “family"

rather than an “individual" retreat. Hence my emphasis will be

upon Christian marriage, upon Catholic family living. Other mat-

ters will indeed be given attention, but to a more limited extent.

Not that they are not important. They are. But they belong rather

to the individual retreat than to a family retreat.

A Need

There is no question that there is genuine value in a family re-

treat. By such a retreat is meant a set of religious exercises that focus

the attention of husband and wife together on the spiritual aspects

of their wedded life. Indeed, in view of the conditions under which

we live today, it is hardly too much to say that there is urgent need

for this type of retreat. Certainly it can serve as an effective in-

strument in offsetting or counteracting the spirit of secularism

that has crept into so much family life today. And that is indeed

an enemy that must be vigorously dealt with.

The truth is, it has always struck me as strange that the Church is

so stringent in her regulations regarding retreats for priests and re-

ligious—for those who receive the sacrament of Holy Orders or
make the religious vows—but has done relatively little to encourage
retreats for married people, for husband and wife together; for

those, in other words, who receive the great social sacrament of

3



matrimony, for those who in marriage make sacred promises quite

as serious and binding as those made by religious under vows.

Actually, husbands and wives, with their family cares and activities

and their distractions in making a living and in caring for children,

are in all probability diverted more from things spiritual and the

affairs of their eternal salvation than are priests and religious. In a

sense, therefore, they have greater need for a retreat than have the

latter. In that fact alone we find good reason for the family retreat.

As you probably noticed, I did not use a scripture text for this

introductory conference, as the priest usually does in preaching a

sermon. That was not because there are no applicable texts to

choose from. Rather was it that I felt I could more clearly impress

upon your minds, at the very beginning, the great need for, and

the purpose of the family retreat by quoting to you some words

from a very learned and deeply religious woman of our day, Dr.

Maria Hermkes. The following are the words to which I refer

:

“If the family were what it should and could be, a society of

grace, of faith, of sacrifice, how then could so unwholesome a state

of things be possible in the world? After centuries of struggle

with the native paganism of fallen man, the morning glow of a

Christian way of life scarcely rose on our western folk—the hour
when Gregorian Chant was folksong and the majestic cathedral

rose in lasting witness to the spiritual stature of common man,

when St. Francis sang the Hymn of the Sun and Dante trod the

path through hell over the Mount of Purgatory to Paradise—even
in that hour the shades of secularism, of worldliness, of laicism

fell upon our world. How could this be ?

“One of the decisive causes of this tragedy of western history

—

I say expressly one, it is not the only one, but it is the one that

has hardly been noticed hitherto—lies without doubt in the fact
that the family has not been formed in the Christian mold in the

same measure as other states of life; for example, the religious

state. The teaching of the Church on marriage and the family has

always been the same; but that teaching has never reached its

season of full bloom/’

What an indictment that is after two thousand years of Chris-

tianity ! “The teaching of the Church on marriage and the family

has always been the same. But that teaching has never reached its

season of full bloom.”

And what of today ? If, as Dr. Hermkes maintains, people in the

4



Ages of Faith of past centuries did not bring Christian family life

to full bloom, can we pretend to have done so in our day, in this

day of a highly secularized marriage and family life? And yet, is

that not precisely what we should do? The answer is definitely in

the affirmative. We should aim to bring the ideal of Christian mar-

riage and family life into full bloom. There lies the basic solution

for the secularism that has come to characterize the life of our day

so generally. And I feel that the family retreat, by focusing the

attention of husband and wife on those ideals, should prove one of

the greatest instruments toward accomplishing that.

Secularism

Dr. Hermkes uses the expression “shades of secularism.” She

points out that they showed themselves some centuries ago. But

today more than shades of secularism are in evidence. Today we

see lowering clouds, dark ominous storm clouds of secularism. They

have become so alarming that our bishops recently, in two suc-

cessive years made statements regarding this great evil of the day.

And, of course, we see its results, both in the disintegrated family

life of the day and in the conditions existing in the world generally.

Let us see first what the term means as applied to marriage. In

its full significance secularism means looking upon marriage as a

mere profane pact, as an institution shorn of all sanctity. It means

the divorcement of marriage and family life from the Church, the

separation of marriage and family life from the inspiring and

strengthening influences of religion. It means the separation of

marriage and the family from God and the things of God.

That is secularized marriage in its extreme, taken in the fullest

sense of the word. There are, of course, many degrees of secularism

in family life between the total absence of religion in regard to

marriage and the family and Christian marriage and family life

“in full bloom”—to use the expression of Dr. Hermkes. Presum-
ably no one in an audience like this is living a totally secularized

family life. But can we be quite so sure that the family life of all

finds itself in the full bloom of Christian living? If it is, well and

good. But even then such a spiritual refresher as a family retreat

should have great value. It should help you keep it so. If it is not,

then the retreat should help in striving for and in attaining that

goal. In either case it should serve as an antidote for the secularism

of the day.

5



Content of the Family Retreat

From what has already been said you should have some idea of

what is meant by a family retreat, and what it should deal with.

But let me yet speak a bit further on these points. The emphasis

in the family retreat is on the family group, and particularly on

husband and wife, as husband and wife rather than on the indi-

vidual, as is the case with the ordinary retreat or a parish mission.

Attention is focused on the spiritual bases of married life, on the

divinely-ordained purposes of marriage and family life, on the rights

and duties of husbands and wives, of fathers and mothers, and on

the opportunities and possibilities for sanctification through Chris-

tian family living. In a word, attention is focused on developing a

full-blown Christian family life.

To put the matter negatively, the family retreat does not deal

with non-religious or non-spiritual subjects. For example, it does

not enter into a discussion of child psychology, or into the field of

marriage counseling or finding solutions for difficult marriage

situations, or into economic problems as these relate to family life,

or into medical problems. To be sure, these are all good and im-

portant, and the Church is much interested in them. But she has

developed other media for caring for them—forums, conferences,
discussion clubs, institutes, Mr. and Mrs. Clubs and the like. They

do not belong in a family retreat. We repeat, the interest in such
a retreat centers in the spiritual, in religion, the antidote for

secularism. We realize, of course, that a good social order can be
very helpful to the family, just as bad economic or environmental

conditions can be very harmful to it. Nevertheless, the fact remains

that one could have a perfect social order and a most profound

knowledge of all the social sciences and still live anything but a

Christian family life in “full bloom.” Indeed, one could go further

and say that a husband and wife might have a profound knowl-

edge of the theology of Christian marriage and still not have a good

family life. Knowledge of the principles of Christian marriage is

not enough. One must live those principles.

This was clearly indicated by the Bishops of the United States

in their statement of 1948 on The Christian in Action. Let me quote

a paragraph from that document for you:

“It is not enough to profess the Christian truths of the stability

and sanctity of the marriage bond and to keep in mind the purposes

of marriage. The Christian must make his home holy. It remained

6



for modern history to record the first experiment in secularizing the

home, an experiment which is at the root of so many of our greatest

social evils. The Christian home must realize the Christian ideal.

The whole atmosphere of the home must be impregnated with

genuine Christian living. The domestic virtues must be practiced,

and family prayer made a daily exercise. It is in the home that

the children learn their responsibility to God and in this responsi-

bility their duty to others. The home is the child’s first school,

in which he is taught to make the vision of Christian truth the

inspiration of all living.”

In this statement, then, the bishops first of all speak for what

we might call a correct ideology. They speak, in other words, for

a knowledge and a profession of the fundamentals or correct prin-

ciples of Christian marriage. Needless to say, that is necessary.

Nevertheless, as the bishops pointed out, it is not sufficient. We
must live these truths. We must live the full Christian ideal in our

family life. “The Christian,” as they stated, “must realize the

Christian ideal.”

So there, in a few words, we have the basis for the program that

is before us these few days of retreat. More specifically, we shall

discuss topics such as the following: the nature and purposes of

Christian marriage and its place and function in the Mystical Body

of Christ
;
the various religious practices that are particularly suited

to the home, giving special attention to the sacramentals as they

apply to family life and to the observance of the liturgical seasons

of the year in the home; the priestly aspects of parenthood; the

opportunities for practicing the virtues in the family circle, and

also for teaching them to the children. So, too, will we remind our-

selves of the need for ever “seeking first the kingdom of God and

His justice”; we will examine sin, the one great obstacle to the

attainment of our eternal destiny; we will direct our attention to

the means of grace God has given us for the combat against the

forces of evil and for successfully working out our eternal salvation.

Let me yet point out before closing that while the priest con-

ducting the retreat will address you a number of times, there will

also be other features to the retreat program. For instance, there

will be a question period. So, if you really have some questions

that you wish to have discussed, let the retreat master have them

and he will give them attention at the question period. To be sure,

you may also consult with the retreat master in or out of con-

7



fession. I have already mentioned such special devotions as the

rosary, a visit to the Blessed Sacrament and the Way of the Cross.

A short time will also be given over to an examination of con-
science. In this, the retreat master will place before you some soul

searching questions relevant to your duties as fathers and mothers,

as husbands and wives. Then there will be the closing service.

That will be in a sense the climax of the retreat. It will consist of

a Family Holy Hour, with appropriate prayers and hymns, the

recitation of the pledge to Christian marriage and the renewal of

the marriage promises, and Benediction of the Most Blessed Sacra-

ment, closing with the Te Deum; that is, the hymn “Holy God

We Praise Thy Name.” Some of the Family Holy Hour booklets
will be available. I wish each of you would secure one and look

it over ahead of time. I am sure you will find this Family Holy Hour

service a very inspiring one.

In concluding, let me put to you this question : What will this

retreat mean to you? Will it be worthwhile? Will it bring you

closer to God? Will it bring real spiritual benefit to you and your

family? When a spring on a hillside bubbles up from its sandy

bottom, it starts a rill down the slope. For a while the silver thread

creeps along, and then suddenly pushes its crystal nose against a

knoll. There is a pause, and we eagerly watch to see whether the

trembling water will run to the right or to the left. Suddenly, with

a leap it rushes off forever to the right. It hurries down to the

plain. It broadens into a stream, into a mighty river. It was just a

tiny pebble at the left of the knoll that determined for all time the

bed of the stream.

Will this little family retreat be such an all-important pause in

your life? Will it be the pebble placed by God to keep you from

the left—the way of perdition—and to send you once and for all
to the right—the way of salvation ? God grant that the latter be the
case. To this end we will say this prayer:

Prayer

Enlighten me, O Lord, direct and assist me during this Holy

Retreat. As thou leadest me into the wilderness, guide me also to

that perfection and the means to attain it, to which Thou hast

called me. Do not permit, I beseech thee, that these Spiritual

Exercises, which for so many have been a means of conversion,

be for me, through negligence and tepidity on my part, the cause

8



of damnation. Grant that I may spend these holy days in perfect

silence and a spirit of recollection.

What wilt thou that I do, O God? Behold, I am ready to cor-

respond with thy adorable will concerning me as soon as I shall

have learned it. I may, however, delude myself, and there may be

hidden in my heart self-love and vanity. Assist me, O my God, to

know and remove these obstacles. Perfect the preparation of my

heart. It wishes to be subject to thee, and to withdraw from all

exterior conversation, to receive more easily the impressions of thy

grace and spirit. Amen.

9



II. THE FUNDAMENTALS OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

We read, on the opening page of Pope Pius XI’s encyclical on
Christian Marriage, these words: “How great is the dignity of

chaste wedlock.” In fact, these are the opening words of that

superb document.

If there is one thing I would wish you to take from this retreat,

it is a profound consciousness of that dignity of chaste wedlock,

of Christian marriage. Perhaps you already have such a con-

sciousness. If so, strive earnestly during these days to renew your

appreciation of that dignity.

Surely there is much to the contrary around us today. Pope

Pius XI, in the document referred to, speaks of a great number

of men who either entirely ignore or shamelessly deny the great

sanctity of Christian wedlock, or even, he adds, “relying on the

false principles of an utterly perverse morality, too often trample

it underfoot.” And again—to quote once more from his encyclical
—the Holy Father says: “When we consider the great excellence
of chaste wedlock—it appears all the more regrettable that partic-
ularly in our day we should witness this divine institution often

scorned and on every side degraded.”

Probably the best way to renew our consciousness of its great

sanctity and dignity is to consider its fundamentals assigned it

by God.

The Sacrament of Matrimony—Grace

First, there is the great central fact that Christian marriage is

a sacrament. All marriage, of course, is sacred. That is true even

of natural marriage. But under the Christian economy marriage has

far more than a natural sanctity. Under it marriage is a grace-

conferring institution, one of the seven sacraments of the Church

of God. That is, it increases in the spouses the spiritual life of the

soul that is sanctifying grace—that life of the soul that we call
a participation of the divinity, and, furthermore, it gives them the

title to actual graces that assist them in meeting the obligations

they assume in their life-long union. They need only to cooperate

with that grace.

It should be well to note that this sacrament not only yields

10



grace to the spouses on their wedding day—that is, when it is first
administered to them as a sacrament—but that it remains with
them continuously, constantly dispensing to them this fruit of the

sacrament we call grace, provided only, as I said, they cooperate

with it. In other words, a Catholic man and woman, after their

marriage constantly live in a sacramental state. They have a con-

tinuing title to the graces of the sacrament of matrimony.

Actual Grace

In mentioning sanctifying grace as a fruit of the sacrament of

matrimony I referred to it as the life of the soul that is called a

participation of the divinity. In referring to actual graces
;
that is, to

the special sacramental graces that matrimony gives a title to, I

remarked that these graces assist husband and wife in meeting

the obligations they assume in their life-long union. It might be

well to add a few further words about these sacramental graces of

matrimony.

Just as the Sacrament of Holy Orders, for instance, gives those

who receive it a title to special graces to assist them in fulfilling

the duties of their priestly state of life, so the Sacrament of Matri-

mony gives a title to special grace to the couple who receive it, to

help them in the fulfillment of the duties of their state of life. In

other words, it provides that Christian spouses are not left to cope

alone and unaided with the inevitable difficulties they must face

but have a constant source of help and strength in the graces of

the sacrament. These special graces of the sacrament serve a number

of purposes. They serve to sanctify the joys and to lighten the

sorrows husband and wife may meet with in their married life.

They help them to meet the difficulties and anxieties of rearing a

family. They assist them to practice the virtues to which they are

bound in married life. Furthermore, it should be well to point out

that these actual graces are as numerous as the forces militating

against Christian marriage, and that the more worthy the dis-

positions the couples bring to the sacrament, the more they have

a right to expect help from them.

This Sacramental Aspect Important

In the fact that matrimony is a sacrament, that it confers graces,

consists the profound difference between marriage in the Old Law

and marriage in the Christian dispensation, between merely natural

11



marriage and Christian or supernatural marriage. It is very im-

portant that we get the full import of this sacramental aspect of

marriage. Hence, let us yet look at the matter negatively. Thus, by

no means is the sacrament of matrimony merely something re-

quired by ecclesiastical or civil authorities before a man and

woman can live together as husband and wife. Nor by any means

is it just a natural contract or agreement. On the contrary, it is

something vitally spiritual. It is the union of two personalities

throbbing with the supernatural Christ-life of grace. It is a draught,

so to speak, from the fountain of living waters provided by the

Saviour through the Redemption. It is a never-ending wellspring

of holiness that sanctifies husband and wife and their life together.

It is a life-partnership of two beings suffused with grace, with

spiritual life.

It should be needless to add, therefore, that Christian marriage is

most assuredly not something just on the borderline of Christianity,

or let us say, something just tolerated by the Church. On the con-

trary, it is a most sacred thing, a supernatural thing, and it is

recognized as such by the Church. Much as the sacred vows of

religious consecrate them, dedicating them to the special service

of God, so the Sacrament of Matrimony consecrates husband and

wife, dedicating them to special work in the Mystical Body of

Christ; that is, in the Church. Marriage, I repeat, is a sacrament

of Christ’s Church. It is one of the seven great channels through

which the graces of the Redemption are fed, so to speak, to the

members of the human race.

Let us impress on our minds anew during these days of retreat

both this great fact and the dignity that it implies. One gets the

impression that not a few Catholics in our day fail to understand

the full import of the Church’s view regarding this. Certainly great

numbers outside the Church fail to do so. And we might well add

here that the truly dreadful thing that has been done to marriage

in our day is the fact that it has been robbed of its sacramental

aspect. It is considered by vast numbers as merely a profane con-

tract. And therein we find the fundamental cause of so much broken

and disintegrated and unsuccessful family life today.

Replica of the Mystical Body

A second great and inspiring truth regarding Christian mar-

riage is the fact that the union of husband and wife in sacramental

12



marriage is a symbol or representation of the sacred union of Christ

with His spouse, the Church. Surely, that too lends great dignity

to Christian marriage. This teaching implies that the Christian

family which is based on Christian marriage is, in a sense, the

Mystical Body of Christ in miniature. The basis of the teaching

is found in the Epistle of St. Paul to the Ephesians. It is in the

fifth chapter of that Epistle that he notes that the union of husband

and wife in Christian marriage is a symbol or representation of the

sacred union of Christ with His spouse, the Church. And it is there

too that he implies that the latter sacred union
;
namely, that of

Christ with the Church, should be the model for the former, or

the union of the two spouses in Christian marriage. “Let wives be

subject to their husbands as to the Lord,” he says, “because the

husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.”

And what of husbands? “Husbands,” he adds, “love your wives

just as Christ loved the Church and delivered Himself up for her

that he might sanctify her.”

In its entirety this fifth chapter of St. Paul’s Epistle to the

Ephesians implies that the Christian family, based on Christian

marriage, is a miniature replica of the Mystical Body of Christ,

the Church. The husband and father is the head of the body and

represents Christ. The wife and mother is the body itself and

represents the Church. The children are the members of the body

;

they represent the faithful.

That is indeed sublime doctrine. At the same time, we must

admit, it is mysterious doctrine. As St. Paul clearly states there is

question here of a mystery; that is, of something we cannot fully

comprehend. Nevertheless, there is not question of a mere figure

of speech, or of a figment, let us say of the imagination, or of a bit

of poetic idealism. No, there is question of an eternal truth, of a

belief or mystery of Christianity.

Hence, we may fittingly, in a spirit of reverence, try to see some

of the major implications of this teaching of St. Paul. Thus, his

Epistle to the Ephesians obviously implies that the bond that

unites Christ and the Church—His spouse, as she is called

—

should be mirrored in the bond that unites husband and wife in

marriage, and certainly the former is an unbreakable bond. So, too,

does it imply that the attributes or properties that characterize the

union of Christ and the Church are reflected in the attributes or

properties that characterize the union of husband and wife in mar-

riage. Most assuredly, one of those properties is unity.

13



Still another implication of high importance that logically flows

from this teaching of the Apostle of the Gentiles is that the rela-

tionships between members of a Christian family must be most

ideal. Certainly St. Paul puts these relationships on the highest

plane when he speaks of love. What is to be the guide, the measur-

ing rod of the husband’s love for his wife? He is to love her even

as Christ loved the Church. If such is the case, then the wife in

turn is to love the husband as the Church loves Christ. And, by the

same token, one must conclude that the children are to look up

to their father and mother with something of the same love and

respect that they bear to Christ and His Church.

Pope Leo XIII has some clear words on this in his encyclical

on Christian Marriage. Referring to the love that should exist be-

tween Christian spouses, he speaks of it as a “heaven-born love.”

Here are his words : “Since the husband represents Christ and

since the wife represents the Church, let there always be both in

him who commands and in her who obeys, a heaven-born love guid-

ing both in their respective duties. For the husband is the head of

the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.” Obviously, this

heaven-born love of the husband and father and of the wife and

mother should also extend to the children of the family; for they

represent the faithful of the Church. And in this heaven-born love

we have the great integrating bond that should assure true and

harmonious unity. In it we should have an unfailing guarantee

against bickering and discord, against filial disrespect and fraternal

strife within the family circle. But, how different the actual picture

of home life we so often see around us in our secularized civilization

of the day in which genuine Christian theory and action is so

extensively lacking today.

The Purposes of Marriage

Again, to impress upon our minds the profound dignity of

Christian marriage, let us yet view the matter from the viewpoint

of its purposes. Certainly here, too, we will find that God has

given it truly striking excellence. What are the purposes of mar-

riage? Why, in other words, did God institute marriage? The an-

swer, insofar as its primary purpose is concerned, is that marriage,

and also the family which is based on it, exist for the child. Their

primary purpose is his welfare, his procreation and training. “In

marriage” says the encyclical on Christian Marriage, “the child

14



holds first place.” That is really to say that there is no reason to

believe that, if God had chosen some other way than marriage to

propagate the human race on earth, there would be either mar-

riage or the two sexes. And God could, of course, have propagated

the race in any number of different ways. For instance, he could

have created all mankind directly, as He did the first man and

woman. But, actually, he chose this one particular way. That is,

He instituted marriage. He made husbands and wives His coadju-

tors in the begetting of the children of the race. He made them,

as that great document, the marriage encyclical, puts it, “ministers

as it were of the divine omnipotence.” As we read in Holy Writ,

He told them to “increase and multiply.” And He did more. He

also made them His coadjutors, His agents or representatives in

the training of the children of the race—in their training for this
life and the next, for time and eternity.

And we must not forget that under the Christian dispensation

this primary purpose stands at far higher heights than it would

be under merely natural marriage. There it contributes not only

to the growth and benefit of the human race, but it also contributes

to the growth and health of God’s great “family” on earth, the

Mystical Body of Christ. The following words of our reigning

sovereign pontiff, Pope Pius XII, which we read in his encyclical

on the Mystical Body, are unmistakably clear in this regard:

“Through matrimony,” he says, “in which the contracting parties

are ministers of grace to one another, provision is made for the

external and duly regulated increase of the Christian society, and

what is of greater importance, for the correct religious instruc-

tion of the children without which the Mystical Body would be in

grave danger.” The words hardly call for any explanation. They

plainly tell us that under the sacrament of matrimony husbands

and wives are to provide for the growth of God’s church
—

“for the

external and duly regulated increase of the Christian society”

—

and also for the health of the Church, the latter to be accomplished

by the proper training of their children in their religion. Such is the

twofold primary purpose of Christian marriage. It is a high and

most dignified purpose indeed.

A Little Less Than the Angels

It should help us further to impress upon ourselves the high

excellence of Christian marriage, from the viewpoint of its two-

15



fold primary purpose, the child, if we considered for a moment

what the child is—if we recall his intrinsic dignity and sublime end.
Who, then, is the child? What is he trained for? The child is

a creature far above all other visible creatures
—

“a little less than

the angels” (ps. VIII, 6), as Holy Writ tells us. He is a being

created according to the image and likeness of God. Nor is he

born only for an earthly, natural community. He is born to be-

come a member of the Church of Christ on earth. He is destined

for the eternal commonwealth of heaven. He is born to become a

fellow-citizen of the saints, a member of God’s household.

Truly remarkable, therefore is the fruit of marriage, children

born by the omnipotent power of God through the cooperation of

those bound in holy wedlock. Truly sublime is the dignity of mar-

riage as seen in the primary purpose for which God established it

;

namely, the child.

The dignity of the child naturally brings to mind the dignity

and excellence of Christian parenthood, of fatherhood and mother-

hood. Let us turn our attention to that for a few moments.

The Dignity of Fatherhood

It is recorded in Holy Writ that all fatherhood is of God. As

St. Paul reminds in his Epistle to the Ephesians, all fatherhood

in heaven and on earth receives its name from the Father of our

Lord, Jesus Chrst. The words obviously mean that all honor, all

dignity, all power attaching to earthly fatherhood are a representa-

tion or reflection of the fatherhood of God.

Here again we have sublime doctrine. It tells us that the honor

due to fatherhood, the dignity that is attached to paternity is im-

measurably great. It tells us just as clearly, therefore, that we on

our part should show fatherhood high regard and profound respect.

And, in fact, already under the Old Law had God ordered us by

a special commandment of the Decalogue to honor our parents,

our fathers and our mothers. “Honor your father and your mother,”

he said, “that you may have a long life in the land which the

Lord, your God, is giving you” (Exod. XX, 12).

It should be well to note that the dignity of fatherhood, and the

respect we should have for it, are not founded in the personality

or in the particular characteristics or qualities of the one who bears

the title, but in the office or position that goes with paternity. God

has so ordained that the father is the head of the home. He has

16



ordained that he represents authority in the home—an authority,
which, like all other authority, is a reflection of the authority of

God. More than that, under Christianity the father represents

Christ in the home. There is every reason, therefore, for respect-

ing fatherhood.

Fundamentally, respect for fatherhood is founded in nature. The

Fourth Commandment, “Honor thy father and thy mother,” is really

but an expression in words of a law already written in the hearts

of man by the God of nature. Hence, we find that even among

pagans—at any rate, among those pagans who have kept the
natural virtues—the title of father has been one meriting respect.
However, under Christianity the dignity of, and respect for

fatherhood has been greatly enhanced. The Church has always un-

swervingly inculcated a profound respect for paternity. Further-

more, she has gloried in applying the revered title of father as a

special mark of distinction. Thus, her head—the head of Christ’s
great “family” on earth, as St. Paul calls the Church—is esteemed
and revered by all her children under the title of the “Holy Father.”

Again the teachers and writers of the Church in her early days

have been called by her “the Apostolic Fathers.” A title of partic-
ularly high distinction that she confers is that of “Father of the

Church.”

As we know, the bishop or chief pastor of a diocese is con-

sidered the spiritual father of his diocesan flock. So, too, are the

pastor of a parish, and also his assistant priests, recognized as

spiritual fathers of the parishioners and are respectfully addressed

as “father” by them. Religious orders of men in the Church

—

spiritual families we might call them—very commonly apply to
their superiors or heads the term “father.” Thus, they address

them as “Father Rector,” “Father Master,” “Father Prior,”

“Father Abbot,” “Father Provincial,” “Father General.”

A particularly outstanding note that goes with fatherhood is au-
thority. As noted before, the father’s authority reflects the authority

of God Himself. And that authority is absolutely essential. It is

necessary both for the order of the household and for the training

of the children. But, unfortunately, in our day many fathers have

forfeited their authority in whole or in part, and many children

no longer have the respect for paternal authority they should have.

The results are seen all around us in the delinquency and criminality

that are so characteristic of our day. A great need of our time, there-

17



fore, is that fathers recapture the authority that is theirs in the

home and that children renew their respect for that authority.

Obviously a highly important step toward that end would be a

renewed consciousness on the part of all of the fact that all father-

hood is of God, and a profound appreciation of the related fact

that the authority of the father is a reflection of the authority of

God.

Respect for Motherhood

Respect for motherhood, too, is founded in nature. And the

Fourth Commandment of the Decalogue applies no less to the

mother than to the father. However we find that under paganism

that respect for motherhood, and for womankind generally, was

often very sadly lacking. But we also find that a great change took

place in this regard with the coming of Christ upon this earth. The

story of that change is one of the most thrilling and consoling

stories in the annals of mankind. It tells, namely, how Christ the

God-man when coming upon this earth to redeem fallen man-

kind, chose for His mother a woman whom He made the greatest

and the grandest of His creatures in heaven and on earth. For her

sake and in her He raised up womankind generally from the deg-

radation of paganism. He made the wife and mother the partner

and equal of the husband and the heart of the domestic world. He

dignified all motherhood in the motherhood of Mary, the Mother

of God.

We read on the first page of the Gospel of St. Luke how an

angel came down from the throne of God and, prostrating himself

before one whose name was Mary, made known to her the plan

of the Almighty regarding the redemption of the human race, in-

viting her to become the mother of God, the world’s Redeemer.

Well indeed might she cry out in exultation in the words of that

beautiful canticle the Magnificat: “My soul doth magnify the

Lord . . . He that is mighty hath done great things for me.”

Following the Saviour’s birth, we get glimpses of Nazareth,

of Cana, of Calvary, all revealing a woman of beauty and dignity

indescribable. The serene light of her glory falling upon the rest

of her sex, changed them in their own eyes and in the eyes of their

brethren. A new concept of womanhood was born. The sinless

Madonna became the ideal and champion of womanly honor.

It was then that there appeared on this earth that most beautiful

18



creation of earth, the Christian home, the unique sphere of woman

that has made her, in the capacity of mother, the greatest power

for good on this earth, second only to the Church of God. It was

then that the term “mother” took on its fullest meaning; that it

became a synonym for all that is good, a balm for every wound,

the very life-breath of the young, the guiding star of manhood, the

joy of old age. It was then that Christian women became the

potentates of the world.

And let us not forget, chivalrous man honored that Christian

woman. He was uplifted and elevated by her. He gloried in re-

ferring to her under the honored title of wife and mother, of

sister and daughter. The results, we know well, were exceedingly

beneficial to man and woman, to the family and to all society.

Unfortunately, in modern times there has been another change

—a change for the worse. Many in our own time no longer
recognize Mary as the mother of God or pay her due tribute as

such. As a result, her great influence has in considerable measure

been lost to womankind, to the family, and to all the world. Ap-

parently many have entirely forgotten that it was by investing

motherhood with unusual dignity through Mary that the Church

rescued woman from the inferiority to which paganism had con-

demned her and assured her the honored position which is hers

under Christianity.

What is the obvious lesson? Unquestionably, a return to Mary.

As the dignity and grandeur of Christian womanhood and mother-

hood came of old through Mary, the mother of God, and through

devotion to her, so must it be restored through her in our own

day. Genuine respect for womankind and motherhood has ever

been most closely linked with reverence toward the all-pure mother

of God. May our Blessed Mother, patroness of our country under

the title of her Immaculate Conception, stir up anew in us a pro-

found and fervent devotion to her. It would mean very much to

the family life of the nation.

Mutual Help in Marriage

There is also a secondary purpose of marriage, assigned it by

Almighty God, which is of high excellence. This purpose relates

rather to the good of the spouses themselves, than to the good of

society or the Church; though actually it is in the end not with-

out much influence upon both of the latter too. Reference is made,

19



namely, to the mutual assistance the married partners must

render each other. This shows itself in many ways. Thus, it shows

itself in the common sharing of sacrifices, in bearing hardships

together, in facing difficulties shoulder to shoulder, in walking

down life’s pathway hand in hand, seeking to fulfill jointly the

duties assumed upon entering wedlock, seeking to work out their

salvation together.

Spiritual Help

Above all must the mutual aid that is so outstanding as a sec-

ondary purpose of marriage be taken in the spiritual sense of

mutual help toward each other’s sanctification. That is to say,

there must be under the sacred bond of Christian marriage a

mutual interior or spiritual molding of the two spouses, a de-

termination and ambition to perfect each other spiritually. It is

to say that after the two have made their solemn promises to take

each other as man and wife till death the two must walk hand in

hand—not alone as before marriage, but together, along the road
that leads to their eternal destiny. They must henceforth live a

partnership that aims at an eternal goal.

In view of these high purposes which God proposed for mar-

riage, it cannot surprise us that God, in His divine wisdom should

also have assigned it the two great properties of unity and per-

manence; in other words, that He should have decreed that there

was to be but one husband and one wife, and permanently so until

death intervened to part them. Together these two properties con-

stitute the basis for an unbreakable bond. And an unbreakable bond

is necessary for carrying out the two purposes of marriage we have

referred to, namely, the child’s proper training and the mutual

assistance the two spouses owe each other.

It should not surprise us. in the least, in view of these considera-

tions, that the very opening sentence of the encyclical on Christian

Marriage begins with the words, “How great is the dignity of

chaste wedlock.” May you take those words sincerely to heart.

There is great need for that today. Yes, there is great need that

in this day when the sacred institution of marriage is trampled

under foot and dragged in the mire, we strive most zealously to

bring ourselves to a full realization of its sanctity and excellence

—

that we impress unfailingly upon our minds the dignity of mar-

20



riage as a sacrament, the dignity of Christian wedlock as a symbol

of the Mystical Body of Christ, and the dignity of the child, the

fruit of the union. Few things indeed could do so much to dispel

the ominous clouds of secularism that have come to hang over so

many of our homes, and to lift our family life generally to heights

as high as, if not higher than, it has ever been before. May God

speed the day when that will be brought about. May this retreat

serve to bring it about insofar as you are concerned.

21



III. PRIESTLY ASPECTS OF CHRISTIAN PARENTHOOD

In the conference in which we considered the fundamentals of

Christian marriage attention was called to the great dignity and

excellence of chaste wedlock. As will be recalled, reference was

made to the fact that marriage is a sacrament, and that out-

standing among its purposes are the begetting of children for the

Church and training them for heaven
;

also the fact that the

Christian family, based on Christian marriage, is a representation

in miniature of the Mystical Body of Christ. Let it be noted

further that the home in which the Christian family lives is rightly

called a church in miniature.

Now, all this suggests certain priestly functions for the family and

home. And it is not too much to say that the husband and wife,

the father and mother, have in a very real sense some priestly

functions to perform in the family circle. That, in turn, adds even

a further note of dignity and excellence to Christian marriage.

Regarding the sacrament of matrimony, it should be well to

recall in this connection that the two parties themselves to the

contract administer it. That is really to say they confer the grace

of the sacrament upon each other. To do that, is to perform what

is normally a priestly function.

Again, since the Christian home is called a church in miniature,

it suggests that religious rituals, devotional exercises, priestly func-

tions are in place therein. And, as a matter of fact, good Christian

homes have traditionally been characterized by religious devotions

and rituals.

That, specifically the husband and father, has priestly functions

to perform in the home should appear obvious from the fact that

in the Christian family, which is a miniature replica of the

Mystical Body of Christ, the Church, he represents Christ at the

head of the home. But, as St. Paul teaches, the wife and mother

represents Holy Mother Church
;
hence she too might very logically

be expected to have certain priestly functions to perform.

But let us look into this matter in greater detail in this con-

ference. Let us examine a little further, the basis for the teaching

of the priestly office of the father and mother in the home, and

then seek also to discuss in what that office on their part consists.

The teaching of the priestly aspects of parenthood is found in St.

22



Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians that has already been referred to.

But it is also found elsewhere in the Scriptures. Furthermore, it

is indicated in the liturgy of the Church and is testified to by tradi-

tion. In the last connection, let me just recall again the words of St.

Augustine to which I referred before. Speaking one day to a group

of fathers from his own diocese, he addressed them with the strik-

ing salutation : “My dear fellow bishops.” Then he went on to say

to them : “Each and every one of you have in the home the bishop’s

office to see to it that neither his wife nor his son nor his daughter

nor even his servant fall away from truth. For they are bought with

a great price.”

It is obvious from these words that St. Augustine meant to

convey to the fathers that it is a duty of the head of the family

to watch over the spiritual welfare of its members
;
in other words,

that the father has a mission that involves the care of souls. Much

as the bishop is accountable before God for his diocesan flock,

so is the father accountable for the spiritual welfare of the mem-

bers of his little sheepfold. He is a pastor of that flock. He has

priestly duties to perform toward its members. As St. Augustine

puts it, “Each and everyone of you have in the home the bishop’s

office to see to it that neither his wife, nor his son nor his daughter

nor even his servant, fall away from truth.”

So we see that the teaching that under Christianity the father

represents Christ in the home, that he holds a priestly office in

the family, is well substantiated.

What the Office Implies

But what, more specifically does this imply ? What does it mean ?

In other words, in what does the priestly office of the father consist ?

To answer that we must turn to a consideration of the role or

roles, which Christ Himself, whom the father represents, played.

What was the office of Christ? What were His powers in that

office? Furthermore, did He share that office and those powers

with others? If so, to what extent did He share them? More

specifically, in what manner and measure did He share them with

fathers of families
;
how with both fathers and mothers ?

.

Christ, the Unique High Priest

Christ, we know, was called by the Father to be a priest—in
fact, the great High Priest. He was pastor and pontiff. And in

23



that capacity, as He Himself tells us, He enjoyed the fulness of

power in heaven and on earth.

Before leaving this earth Christ shared His power with others.

As St. Paul put it, He appointed some apostles, some pastors. To

his followers He distributed His gifts; He shared His powers in

varying degrees. And, according to the powers given them, these

were to cooperate with Him in the spiritual care or guardianship

of souls.

Christ's Vicar and Other Pastors

At the head of the list, of course, we find His Vicar, the Supreme

Pastor, who represents Christ as head of His Church on earth

—

as head, as St. Paul puts it (Eph. II), of His “Family.” Very

fittingly do we refer to him, the head of this “Family” of God, as

the “Holy Father.” In his capacity as Supreme Pontiff, incidentally,

he has powers that none other has.

Then there are the pastors placed over specific portions of

Christ’s flock and given varying amounts of His power or au-

thority over them
;
that is, the bishops in their dioceses and the

pastors in their parishes. Both of these are priests in Holy Orders.

Both have been consecrated to offer the Holy Sacrifice of the

Mass, to administer the Sacraments, to teach officially for the

Church. Both are, in other words, priests in the fuller sense of

the term.

The Priesthood of the Faithful

Finally there is the priesthood of the faithful, or as it is also

called, the lay priesthood. This includes all the faithful. St. Peter

(I Pet. 2:9) refers to them as the ‘“royal priesthood.” They have

all been consecrated through the sacrament of baptism, and normally,

in time, also through the sacrament of confirmation. Now, this

has not empowered them, of course, to offer the Sacrifice of the

Mass, to administer the sacraments, as does the priest, or to teach

in an official capacity for the Church. These powers are given

only through the Sacrament of Holy Orders. Nevertheless, it does

make them members of the “royal priesthood,” to use the term St.

Peter applies to them. And they have certain priestly functions

to perform. For instance, it is for them to defend the interests of

Christ in the home and in public.

24



Now, among these members of the priesthood of the faithful,

there are many who have not only been consecrated through

baptism and confirmation, but who have in addition been con-

secrated through still another sacrament—not indeed through Holy
Orders, as is the case with the ordained priest, but through matri-

mony, a sacrament which dedicates the two who receive it to a

new joint office in the Mystical Body of Christ. I am speaking, of

course, of husbands and wives, of fathers and mothers. These, by

virtue of their Christian marriage, have special priestly or pastoral

offices to fulfill in that church in miniature that is the home.

What These Offices Are

What are these pastoral offices? To answer that question we

must, first of all see, specifically, what Christ’s offices as pastor

were. And the answer is : He was teacher
;
He was mediator

;
He

was sanctifier. It is in regard to these three roles, then, that we

must seek to find how the father of the family represents Christ,

how he is to exercise his office of lay priest. So, too, must we find

how the mother is to exercise her office as a member of the priest-

hood of the faithful.

It might be added immediately that, actually, what is said re-

garding the father of the family in regard to all these offices also

holds in great measure in the case of the mother. For, while the

duties of the two in the home are indeed not entirely identical, they

are assuredly most closely related. And while it is true that only

the father is referred to by St. Paul as holding the place of Christ

it must not be overlooked that His teaching also implies that the

mother represents the Church. Furthermore, it should be noted

that, even as Christ and the Church are one, so the husband and

wife form a unity in marriage. In other words, the two have the

same goal. The two have, as I have already indicated, a joint sacred

office to fulfill in the Mystical Body of Christ.

The Teaching Office

Now, what is that joint sacred office? Pope Pius XII has given

us the answer in part in his Encyclical on the Mystical Body of

Christ. In that document he points out that the sacrament of matri-

mony implies a solemn consecration of married partners, a sacred

dedication of the two to a joint teaching office in the Church, the

25



Mystical Body of Christ. These are his words in this regard:

“Through matrimony, in which the contracting parties are min-

isters of grace to one another, provision is made for the external

and duly regulated increase of the Christian society, and what is of

greater importance, for the correct religious instruction of the

children without which the Mystical Body would be in grave

danger.”

Those words clearly indicate one of the main priestly offices of

parents
;
namely, the teaching or instructing of their children in

their religion. They, the two of them, are the children’s first teach-

ers. And of most outstanding importance here are the truths of

religion, since the very end and purpose of their coming into the

world is their ultimate union with God. These truths the parents

must teach their little ones according to the latter’s ability to learn

and understand them. They must teach them the life and truths

of Christ. They must teach them the laws of God.

This is indeed a high and noble task. And it is a priestly task,

a sacred task. As the encyclical notes, partners in marriage, fathers

and mothers, have the joint high office of safeguarding, through

this medium of teaching, the Mystical Body of Christ, the Church.

Under God’s plan, in other words, provision is made through their

sacramental union, “for the correct religious instruction of the

children without which the Mystical Body would be in grave

danger.”

Little wonder, then, that it has been said that for parents to

fulfill this teaching office toward their children is to participate in

the lay priesthood in its most glorious form. The very safety of

the Church depends in a measure on it.

The Mother as Teacher

Both father and mother, then, play a part in this teaching office.

It is, as the Holy Father put it, a “joint” office. But, it should be

well to add a special word about the mother in this connection.

For, she plays a truly vital part, indeed a leading or ranking part,

in this important teaching office of the priesthood of the faithful.

Her knee, in fact, is logically the child’s first pulpit. Her nearness

to him and her maternal love for him on the one hand, and the

child’s unbounded trust in her on the other, place her in a com-

manding position in regard to this task. And, well indeed, may

she use that position to teach the child, among other things, that

26



highly important fact, already repeatedly adverted to regarding the

father; namely, that he represents Christ in the home. Deeply

should she implant that truth in the hearts of her little ones.

Furthermore, she should carefully instil into their minds the fact

that the father has great dignity because his fatherhood, like all

fatherhood, comes from God, and because the authority which he

exercises in the home reflects the authority of God, and also be-

cause he is the likeness of the Heavenly Father. So, too, may the

mother well give the children to understand that she herself, as a

Christian mother, is an image of Holy Mother Church. The religious

and moral training of children who will have had these high ideals

of the Christian family made known to them from early childhood

will hardly prove a serious problem to their parents.

Teaching by Example

It should be well to note, in connection with the priestly task of

parents to teach the children in the home, that teaching by example

is a matter of special importance, particularly in the case of younger

children. In their case, teaching by example is undoubtedly more

important than are verbal instruction, preachment, or learning by

rote. While both instruction and example indeed have a place, the

young child is normally influenced much more by the latter than

by the former.

At all events, verbally to teach religious truths and practices to

a child and then to neglect their practice, or even to act contrary

to them in the home, would assuredly be to leave much to be

desired in his religious upbringing. It is the actual living of the

faith by the father who represents Christ, and by the mother who

represents the Church, that is the key to success in the highly im-

portant task of their joint pastoral office of teaching. It is a vibrant

Christian life in the family circle, genuine virtuous living in the

Church in miniature that is the home, that is the all-important

factor in the lives and religious training of little children. Family

devotions, little religious rituals in the home, will long be remem-

bered by children, and will long influence their lives. It is an en-

tirely safe statement to make that in their later years, in times of

temptation or spiritual crisis, the mere remembrance of the faith

of their parents, and the mere recollection of devotions in common

on the part of the family members in their home, will prove more

of a saving factor for such children than will the knowledge of

27



the truths of religion, whether that knowledge was acquired within

or outside of the home. If, in their early years within the family

sanctuary, the children were warmed, so to speak, with human love

combined with love divine, if they were inspired and guided by

the shining light of faith reflected from their parents’ countenances

and manifested through their daily lives within the home, then

even after they will have left behind them the home hearth of their

childhood days and will have gone out into the cold and callous

and unbelieving world, they will still hold firmly, come what may,

to the faith that was bequeathed to them.

Church, School and Environment

It is, of course, a commonplace to say that the Church helps with

the religious instruction of the young. But even in this regard there

is question of obligation on the part of parents. They must see to

it that the children actually receive the instructions that the Church

makes available for them. Insofar, more specifically, as the school-

ing of the child is concerned, there is certainly an obligation on

their part to see to it that their children have the benefit of a

Catholic school education where that is at all practicable. How-

ever, they must at the same time be mindful of the fact that the

school is but an extension of the home and not a substitute for it.

In other words, they must not shift the tasks of the home to the

school. The parents themselves remain the child’s prime teachers.

And, indeed, they should consider it not only an obligation, but

also a great honor to fulfill the priestly task of the religious train-

ing of the child that this implies.

Before turning from this consideration of the priestly task of

teaching the child in the home that parents have, it should be well

also to note the importance, and indeed obligation, of securing for

them a good environment. This implies, for instance, the keeping

of a watchful eye over the companions they associate with and

over the popular means of communication and education of our

day, such as the press, the cinema or moving picture, the radio and

television, that they make use of. If a child were left a free hand

regarding these powerful and influential media, all the results of

the teaching efforts of the parents might well be brought to naught.

It is highly essential that the child be provided with proper reading

material, and that he be protected against the false and vicious

printed matter that is so commonplace today. So, too, is it necessary

28



that he be protected against harmful moving picture, radio and

television programs. Certainly the parents have a very real duty

in this respect.

Parents as Mediators

The priestly office of teaching of parents is, therefore, a highly

important and most honorable one. But it is not the only priestly

office that they have as representatives, respectively, of Christ and

of the Church, as members of the priesthood of the faithful. They

must, besides teaching their children the truths of their religion,

be for them mediators with God. That is to say, they must pray

for them, they must intercede with the Almighty for them.

Here, then, we have another important priestly office of the

Christian parent. How important it is, and what truly great things

Christian parents can accomplish through it, we see from the ex-

ample of St. Monica, the mother of St. Augustine. As we learn

from the lives of these great saints of the Church, the latter, St.

Augustine, had in his youth strayed far from the path of virtue.

However, his saintly mother, Monica, never ceased to pray for

him, and with the ultimate result that he not only gave up his

sinful ways, but eventually became a great bishop and an outstand-

ing saint of the Church. Many another child, we may be sure,

has been brought back to the path of virtue by the prayers of a

father and mother.

Parents as Sanctifiers

Finally, besides the priestly offices of teacher and of mediator there

is also the office of sanctifier. That office, too, was typified in Christ.

What is to be said of the father and mother in regard to it? Does

it also come within the scope of the priestly office of parenthood?

In other words, can they sanctify each other and their children ?

The answer is in the affirmative; though, to be sure, certain

reservations must be made. First of all, it must be said that fathers

and mothers normally cannot transmit supernatural life to their

children. Nevertheless, they have the obligation of seeing to it

that supernatural life is transmitted to them. That is, it is for them

to bring their children to Christ, in the person of the priest, that

through baptism they may be given supernatural life; in other

words, that they may be made children of God and heirs to His

29



Kingdom. Furthermore, they can unquestionably help their chil-

dren much, as they can also help each other, in working out their

eternal salvation, after they have been made children of God

through baptism. That follows logically from the fact that, under

the sacrament of matrimony, Christian husbands and wives live

constantly in a sacramental state, and as a result, have a constant

right to the graces of that sacrament, both for each other and for

the children committed to their spiritual care. As was pointed out,

in discussing the sacrament of matrimony, the husband and wife

confer this sacrament upon each other. That is really to say, they

are ministers of grace to each other.

Personal Holiness Demanded

It should hardly be necessary to add, then, that in view of these

facts that we have considered
;
in view of the high position or office

of the father and mother in the home, a profound personal holiness

must be expected on their part. Often should they think upon their

priestly duties, in order to goad themselves on, so to speak, to

make themselves truly worthy of the high and honorable office that

is theirs. How different much family life of our day would be if

parents generally did this ! How different, too, much modern family

life would be if young potential fathers and mothers were taught

throughout their childhood and youth, as indeed they should be,

to respect their fathers and mothers in accordance with the high

office that is theirs under the Christian dispensation, and then set

about to prepare themselves to be truly worthy of the same high

and dignified office of parenthood at some future time

!

It would be difficult indeed to think of anything more important

than these things to teach young people in regard to marriage and

family life. If they, as young folks, had the respect for their parents

that the latter’s high office in the Christian economy demands, we

might also expect that they would prepare themselves carefully

for the time when that same revered and respected office will be

theirs. The parents should do all in their power, by word and by

example, to further such a preparation. Unquestionably Christian

family life would benefit immeasurably by it.

More specifically, from the viewpoint of their office as mediators,

might it be said that personal holiness is demanded of parents. In

fact, if this particular priestly office is to be fulfilled with real

effectiveness, an intense personal holiness is demanded on their

30



part. In other words, nearness to God is required
;
friendship with

the Almighty is required. It is safe to say that each additional degree

of union of their souls with the Creator, each additional stride that

they take on the path of virtue and holiness, will render the father

and mother more powerful with God, more influential and fruitful

in supernatural action on the souls of their little ones.

Hence, in their capacity as parents, it should be said that hus-

bands and wives must not only be holy for their own good, but

also for the good of their children. So, too, should it be said that

they must not only seek to procure the glory of God through their

own personal perfection, but also through the spiritual fruitfulness

of the souls of the children whom God committed to their care.

Honorable indeed is the office of parenthood. It is truly a priestly

office. May the parents among you always become more and more

aware of its dignity. And so, too, may you always become more

and more worthy of it.

31



IV. THE HOME, A CHURCH IN MINIATURE

In an earlier conference I recalled to your minds the fundamentals

and ideals of Christian marriage. I feel certain that many in this

country in our day—I speak of the generality of Americans—no
longer have a real understanding and appreciation of those im-

portant fundamentals and high ideals. In fact, many no longer

even seem to understand and accept the fundamentals of natural

marriage. It also seems that great numbers today, with our emphasis

on a limited materialist science, entirely divorced from the queen

of sciences—sacred theology, which deals with man’s relations with
God—simply cannot conceive of marriage as God made it—

a

marriage becoming a dignified creature upon whom is stamped the

image and likeness of Almighty God. The theory of the brute or

beast origin of man, body and soul, popularized by the Tarzans of

the moving pictures and a garish press, and even taught from the

lectern and rostrum, has effectively done its damaging work. In-

difference, too, has unquestionably exerted a debilitating effect.

Certainly our Catholic people must strive to offset this ex-

ceedingly harmful situation by zealously keeping their attention

focused upon genuine Christian marriage in the full glory in which

God instituted it. So, too, must they seek to live in full harmony

with it.

In speaking of the ideals of Christian marriage in another con-

ference I referred to the Christian family, which is based on

Christian marriage, as a symbol or replica of the Mystical Body

of Christ. As I stated, the father represents Christ as its head, the

mother represents the body of the Church, and the children repre-

sent the faithful of the Church. Since such is the case, the house

or home in which the Christian family dwells should very fittingly

be like a Catholic Church. And, indeed, we find that the term

“little church,” or “church in miniature,” was applied to the home

in the early days of Christianity. Thus, the Greek word for a little

church, ecclesiola, is found applied to it in the writings of St. John

Chrysostom who lived in the early Christian centuries.

St. John wrote as follows: “After the public worship of God

we will spread two tables in our homes, one with the fare of the

body and one with the food of Holy Scripture ; one with the fruits

32



of earth, and one with the fruits of the Holy Ghost. Prayer and

teaching in the Church are not enough
;
they must be accompanied

by prayer and reading at home : for the home is a little church.”

In the so-called Ages of Faith that followed his day, Catholic

homes were in a very real sense churches in miniature. The father

was the priest in that little church. Religious devotions in it, all

the members participating, were customary. The eminent scholar,

Aidan Cardinal Gasquet, O.S.B., in an address entitled “The

Christian Family in Pre-Reformation England,” given some years

ago, painted a picture of Catholic home life in those days. “There

was,” he stated, “the constant recognition of God’s sanctifying

presence in the family. And over and above this,” he added, “there

were those common religious practices of prayer and self-restraint

and mutual encouragement to virtue of which, alas, the modern

counterpart of the old English home knows so little.” He con-

cluded : “On the faith of those simple and generally unlettered

people there was a bloom—I know of no other word to express
what I see—which perished as one of the results of the religious
revolution of the sixteenth century.”

In our own country today, there are still homes to be found in

which those common religious practices concerning which the

Cardinal spoke, still exist. But there are others, too, and in con-

siderable numbers, where they are totally neglected. In fact, there

are some in which they are not even known. If we really wish to

keep the spirit of secularism from our homes, if we wish to make

God truly honored and respected therein, we may well look anew

to those old and tried family religious customs of the past, and

reintroduce them, wherever needed, into our family circles. By

doing so, we will again make our homes little churches. We will

make them in a real sense houses of God.

How, specifically, can that be done? Let us examine in this con-

ference some of the possibilities for doing this. The topic is an

interesting and highly important one. At the same time it cannot

be said to be a difficult one.

The Sacramentals

First of all, let us turn our attention to the so-called “little sacra-

ments”
;
that is, the sacramentals instituted by the Church. Those

should definitely find a place in the family circle. Many of them

even have a direct bearing on family life. A relatively simple but

33



highly important means of union between the altar and the home,

they are so many media for channeling from the one great spiritual

reservoir, given into the Church’s keeping by Christ, the living

and transforming waters of grace from the Saviour’s fountains. At

the same time, they are an excellent means of counteracting

secularism.

Specifically, the sacramentals are blessings or blessed articles.

They are, for instance, the blessing the priest gives, the blessing we

give ourselves as we devoutly make the sign of the cross. They are

holy water, the blessed medal we may wear or have in the home

or in our auto, the blessed pictures on the walls of the home, and

the wedding ring blessed by the Church on the day it was placed

upon the bride’s finger before the altar.

Let me point out here in passing, that in the Archdiocese of

Westminster, England, a hundred days indulgence may be gained

by a married couple who kiss the wife’s blest wedding ring and

recite with contrite heart the prayer: “Grant us, O Lord, that

loving Thee, we may love each other and live according to Thy

holy law.”

A great number of other sacramentals could be mentioned, all
of which can play a highly important role in bringing Christ into

our homes, into our daily family life. But rather than try to

enumerate all of them, let us single out a number that seem par-

ticularly suited to that church in miniature, the home, and examine

them in some detail.

Holy Water

First of all, in speaking of blessings and blessed articles, we may

well think of holy water. It is used for many purposes and in con-

junction with many blessings. It should be at hand in every Catholic

home. The formula which the Church uses in blessing it is a fitting

one indeed. It seems to be particularly aimed at home use. Here, for

instance, are some of its words : “Whatever it sprinkles in the

homes of the faithful, be it cleansed and delivered from harm.”

And again: “By the sprinkling of this water may everything op-

posed to the safety and repose of them that dwell therein be

banished.”

The Wedding Ring

As already stated, the very ring which is the sign of the wedded

union is blessed by the Church. This blessing takes place at the altar

34



on the occasion of the marriage ceremony. It is given, as the words

of the ritual state, “that she who wears it may render her husband

unbroken fidelity, that she may abide in God’s peace, obedient to

God’s will, and that they may live together in constant mutual

love.”

Blessing of the House

Every church is blessed. And so, too, should every home or

“little Church” be blessed. Where that is done there really should

not be a striking difference between cottage and castle, between

hut and manor house and palace. Any and all of these will then

be in a special manner a “little Church,” God’s blessing resting

upon it. The words used for the blessing are the same as those used

in the prayer of the Asperges which we have in many of our Cath-

olic churches before the main Sunday Mass. They are a plea, namely

“that God may deign to send His holy angel from heaven to guard,

cherish, protect, visit and defend all who dwell in it.”

It is really unfortunate that in this day of great mobility and lack

of home ownership—and presumably, I should also add, because
of carelessness—this sacramental, the blessing of the house, is
frequently overlooked.

Holy water may be blessed by a priest at any time. Customarily,

however, it is blessed before the main Sunday Mass. Some of it

should be kept in a place where it is available to the parishioners

so they can take it in containers to their homes. At least one holy

water font should be in every home. There will normally be a

number of opportunities to .use it during the day. If used regularly

in the evening, for instance, for the blessing of the children before

they retire—the practice will be a consistent reminder to keep a
supply on hand.

There is also a type of holy water known as Easter water. This,

too, is used in the home. For example, it may be used for the

blessing of the Easter food. In some places it is used for the solemn

blessing of the homes of parishioners by the pastor on Holy Sat-

urday. It gets its name from the fact that it is distributed to the

people on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter. Part of the water

is used for the blessing of baptismal water, the remainder is given

to the parishioners.

There is still a third type of blessing for the home. It is a bless-

ing that may be given annually on Epiphany or the Feast, so-called,

35



of the Three Kings, or within its octave. Among certain nationalities

this blessing is still faithfully carried out. The form or ceremony

used is as follows : with chalk, especially blessed for the occasion,

the following legend is written at the top of the door of the house

:

19-C-M-B-53. The three letters stand for the Three Kings who

were traditionally known as Caspar, Melchior, and Baltassar. The

numbers, of course, indicate the year in which the blessing is given.

Incense is used in this blessing. Presumably that is in remembrance

of the incense offered the Christ Child by the Three Kings.

In religious houses, such as monasteries and convents, the

legend is written over the door of every room or cell. Like the

other blessings of homes, this one is meant to invoke protection

over the mind and body of those who dwell therein. The prayer of the

blessing reads as follows : “Bless, O Lord, Almighty God, this home,

that in it there may be health, chastity, strength of victory, humility,

goodness, and industry, a fulness of law and the action of graces

through God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost; and

that this blessing may remain on this house and on those who

frequent it.”

Pictures, Etc.

The evidences of religion on the walls of the home—sacred
pictures, statues or images, and crucifixes—are also blessed. This
is done so that, as the words of the prayer used in the blessing

read, “those that behold them may be led to contemplate and imitate

the lives and holiness of those depicted.” Might we not well ask

here whether there are such pictures in our homes? Is there a pic-

ture of the Holy Family, the Sacred Heart, the Blessed Virgin, per-

haps of the patron saints of members of your families there ?

And speaking of the blessing of the home and its various ap-

purtenances, it should be well to remind that the Church even has

a special blessing for the bridal chamber or the room of the father

and mother. The words used in blessing it are beautiful in their

significance. Perhaps some of us are too sophisticated for the use

of such a blessing today. But I dare say, where its influence is

found, one may rest assured there will not be found any of the

unnatural vices that have become so prevalent in modern married

life. It would seem particularly unfortunate, in view of the circum-

stances of the times, that this blessing is almost entirely over-

looked today.

36



For the Child

Then there are a very considerable number of blessings that

center in the child, the primary purpose of marriage. Some of these

center in the mother as well as in the child. Thus, there is, first of

all, the blessing of the mother with child. The Church prays, in

giving this blessing, “that by the obstetric hand of Thy mercy her

infant may happily see the light of day, and being reborn in holy

baptism forever seek Thy ways and come to life everlasting.” Then,

pouring forth the blessing of the Church upon the mother and the

child within her, the words of the prayer become a plea that God’s

holy angels “may preside to keep them in peace, and that God’s

blessing may be ever present.”

The Parental Blessing

Again, there is the parental blessing, and more specifically, first

of all, the blessing given the newborn babe by his father and mother

after birth. Reference is made to the custom of blessing the infant,

sprinkling it three times with holy water as the parents say these

words: “May the Almighty God, Father, Son and Holy Ghost,

bless you, my child, for time and eternity, and may this blessing

remain forever with you. Amen.” Very properly is this blessing

repeated by the parents after the child’s spiritual rebirth in baptism.

And this inspiring practice of parents blessing their children should

thereafter be kept up as they advance in years under their care.

Parents should bless their children, for instance, when they retire

in the evening, or when they leave the home, particularly to go

on a considerable journey.

Some very inspiring examples of this practice could be given.

Let me recall at least two or three. Thus, history tells of St. Thomas

More who, while holding the second highest post in England, that

of Chancellor, faithfully kept up the practice learned in his child-

hood home, of every morning asking his father’s blessing before

setting about his day’s duties.

Then there is the instance of the Bishop of India, consecrated

several years ago. His consecration had taken place at Rome, and

when he returned afterwards to his native city in India a great

concourse of people were at the station to greet him. Upon the

arrival of the train the first thing he did on alighting was to go

directly to his mother, whom he saw in the crowd, and kneel for

37



her blessing. Then he gave her his blessing. Getting his mother’s

blessing was a practice he had been accustomed to since childhood.

There are examples from our own country too. Thus, the in-

stance is well known of a monsignor in a mid-western diocese.

While his father was still living, every week he would pay him a

visit. When it came time to leave, the father would give him his

blessing. Then, in turn, the monsignor would bless his aged father.

However, while examples of this practice are still found, the

parental blessing is far less common than it was in an earlier day.

That is very unfortunate. It is a real loss to Christian family life.

Simple as the practice is, it lends dignity to fatherhood and mother-

hood and makes for mutual respect between parents and children.

Religious Expressions

Even such a matter as the use of religious expressions and the

reverent use of the name of God in the home is well deserving of

mention. Among the Italians and Poles, the Portuguese and Spanish,

the French and Germans, the Irish and others, one finds not a few

of these religious expressions yet to this day. But in this regard,

too, unfortunately, many families have grown remiss. Some have

wholly neglected them. We should strive to make them generally

accepted again. The expressions have real religious significance,

and they can exert a profound influence over the lives of the family

members. Like short aspirations, or so-called ejaculatory prayers,

they keep the thought of God and the things of God in the home

always. They serve as an effective antidote against the insidious

and deadly poison of secularism.

The following are some examples of these religious expressions

still found among various peoples: “Praised be Jesus Christ”;

“God bless you”
;
“God reward you”

;
“Thank God” or “Thanks

be to God”
;
“God’s will be done,” or “If God wills” ; “Our Lady,

help me”
;
“The Lord hear us.” There is no reason why these ex-

pressions cannot be revived and restored again. If that is done,

the family will gain much by it. Religion will gain; secularism

will lose.

Religious Family Milestones

Celebrating religious family milestones within the family circle

is also a matter of no little spiritual importance. Especially for

younger married couples, such family celebrations present both a

38



challenge and an opportunity. They present a challenge to create

a family tradition that will be truly Christian in character and of

great formative influence in the lives of their children. They present

an opportunity to defy convention, to dare to be different, to sub-

stitute for the flimsy and often faulty standards of the day, stand-

ards that are deeply rooted in centuries of Christian tradition and

culture. Furthermore they present golden opportunities for strength-

ening family ties and for developing a true sense of values.

Wedding Anniversary

There are many religious family milestones that deserve well to

be celebrated. Nevertheless, some are more outstanding than others.

Certainly, wedding anniversaries are important, since marriage in

Christ is the source of family life. Whether it is a fifth or tenth, a

twenty-fifth or fiftieth anniversary, the day the parents received the

sacrament of matrimony should be a real occasion for rejoicing,

for innocent pleasure and entertainment. But in the Catholic home

a wedding anniversary should be first of all a religious event. It

may be fittingly observed by family attendance at Mass and family

reception of Holy Communion. It offers a good opportunity to talk

to the children about the liturgy and character of matrimony, about

the wedding Mass and the nuptial blessing. An ever-increasing

understanding of these from early childhood on will do much to

bring Catholic young people to a true realization of the dignity of

Christian marriage, and create in them a reverent attitude toward

Christian fatherhood and motherhood. The idea of marriage as a

vocation in which man and woman are to be sanctified can be made

to grow on children as a result of such a celebration. Furthermore,

it can occasionally afford the parents an opportunity to tell their

children what joy was theirs as God blessed them with every new

child. Again it provides them with an opportunity to refer, by

contrast to the vocations of the priesthood and religious life, and

to point out that their happiness would indeed be complete if in

God’s designs a son or daughter of theirs might be blessed with a

vocation to the priesthood or religious life. The first seeds of voca-

tion can quite normally be planted in the house.

Baptismal Anniversary

In this country we are inclined to make a good deal over a per-

son’s birthday. That is all well and good. But we must not overlook

39



his rebirth; that is, his birth into spiritual life or the anniversary

of his baptism.

What can parents do in connection with the celebration of such

an anniversary? Here are some possibilities. When the children are

small they may be told of their baptism in story form. In the case

of older children the actions, the symbols and ceremonies of the

official baptismal rite may be explained to them. Then the parents

and children might fittingly renew their baptismal vows. Indeed

that should be the highlight of the day. The sponsors might well be

invited in for this occasion. Incidentally, no set form is prescribed

for the renewal; but there is an excellent one in the booklet, The

Gift of Life, Rite of Infant Baptism (A translation by Rev.

Richard E. Powers). The occasion might well be brought to a

close with the singing of a hymn, such as “Holy God We Praise
Thy Name.” Suitable gifts for the occasion might be a Bible, a

picture or statue for a child’s room, a book about his patron saint,

or other religious book.

Name-Day Celebrations

In not a few places where Catholic tradition reaches back to

medieval times, the name-day or the feast of the patron saint to

whose care the child was committed at baptism, is celebrated as the

anniversary of the baptismal day. Thus, besides reminding the child

of his baptismal privileges and duties, the celebration impresses on

him the saintly life of the one whose name he bears, and teaches

him to consider how he may follow the example of his patron in

his own state and calling.

Still other milestones well worthy of special religious celebration

on the part of the family could be mentioned. Certainly particularly

deserving of mention yet are the First Communion and Confirma-

tion days of the children. How fitting it would be if parents accom-

panied their child to Communion on his First Communion day.

How fitting, too, if they presented him to the bishop for Con-

firmation on his Confirmation day. There are some signs that such

practices are coming into their own again. All of them, all such

observances of religious milestones in the family, provide excellent

opportunities for deepening the Christian consciousness of the

sources of grace, for deepening Christian insight, and for putting

the spirit of secularism to rout and at the same time for strength-

ening family ties.

40



Enthronement

There is one religious practice or devotion to which attention

might specifically be called. It is growing rapidly in this country,

and apparently in other parts of the world too, and bids well to

become quite universal. Reference is made to the so-called En-

thronement of the Sacred Heart in the Home. It is a practice that

grew out of a promise of Christ to St. Margaret Mary Alocoque

:

“I will bless every house in which an image of my Heart shall be

exposed and honored.”

The idea of the Enthronement is that “in the Christian home a

throne of love and veneration is erected for the Sacred Heart of

Jesus, and that His sovereign rights over the family are thereby

recognized.” The practice is an external recognition of the fact

that Christ is the real head of the home. It is not merely a passing

act of consecration to the Sacred Heart but a permanent state of

devotedness and love.

The enthronement itself is a simple procedure. A picture or image
of the Sacred Heart is secured and placed in a prominent place in

the home. On a chosen day the pastor is invited to the home to read

the Act of Consecration for the family and to bless the picture and

the home. Unless a dispensation to the contrary is given by the

bishop of the diocese, the presence of the priest is indispensable for

the validity of the enthronement. Let me just add yet that the Act

of Consecration should be renewed by the family, monthly and on

special festivals, and that other like practices should be cultivated.

The latter include, for instance, observance of the First Friday of

the month; special Sacred Heart devotions during the month of

June, the month of the Sacred Heart; the holy hour or a shorter

period of devotion in the home on Thursday evenings or at some

other time during the week. (Booklet: Enthronement of the Sacred

Heart in the Home, Family Life Bureau, N.C.W.C.)

Home Shrine or Altar

Certainly every home-church should have either the Sacred

Heart enthroned or at least some little altar or shrine. That is, a

place should be provided for the family to kneel and pray. The

altar or shrine need not be at all pretentious. A little table or a
shelf affixed to the wall might suffice. A crucifix and a few candles

could be placed on it. Above it might be hung a picture of the Sacred

41



Heart or of the Holy Family. A vigil light might well be kept avail-
able, at least for use on special occasions. Children, properly in-

structed, would consider it a privilege to care for this little domestic

shrine.

And so there are still other religious customs that are admirably

suited to the home, or that at least can be suited to it. I have

not even mentioned such daily prayers in common, as morning and

evening prayers, grace before and after meals and the angelus.

These, too, like the others, can help to make of the home a church

in miniature and to keep from the hearth the spirit of secularism.

But perhaps the best means of all for making of the home a

church in miniature is the observance of the cycle of the liturgical

year within its walls. Starting with advent and going through the

entire year, with its varied feasts and liturgical seasons, the family

can find almost endless material and daily occasion for religious

practice in the home. However, this field is so extensive and so

rich in possibilities that it calls for a special conference if it is to

be treated with any real thoroughness.

42



V. THE FAMILY AND THE LITURGICAL YEAR

Consideration has already been given a variety o*f ways and

means for making our homes houses of God or churches in min-

iature. But still further attention may well be focused on this matter.

Let us do so in this conference by noting special religious devo-

tions and practices for the home that are particularly suited to the

liturgical year.

By the liturgical year we mean the sacred cycle of solemnities

by which we commemorate each year the work of Redemption

wrought for us by our divine Savior. It consists of certain seasons,

such as Advent, Lent, Christmastide, Eastertide, Pentecost, and

of feasts, such as the Feasts of our Lord, His Blessed Mother, and

the saints.

In our day there is a growing emphasis on the Church’s sacred

liturgy. Pope Pius XII has encouraged this by giving us a special

encyclical on it. It is well that we make what application is possible

to the home.

The Church, one might say, lives and breathes in the cycle of

the Liturgical Year. The Church in miniature, the Christian family,

should do the same. Parents and children will do so, first and above

all, if they will participate, insofar as feasible as a family group,

with their fellow-parishioners, as the mysteries of Christ are pub-

licly and officially celebrated in the parish church. But they should

also do so by special devotional practices within the home; in

other words, by careful preparation for the seasons and feasts of

the Church year and by religious practices in the spirit of those

seasons and feasts. This should do much to bring about a blessed

wedding, so to speak, between the altar and the home. So, too,

should it bring variety into the prayer life of the family.

In the following we shall examine at least some forms of these

devotions and religious practices for the home that conform to the

feasts and seasons of the liturgical year. Not all may appeal to

everybody. Nor will all fit especially well into every home. But we

will find that such practices are so manifold that they will provide

plentiful opportunity for selection on the part of all.

43



Advent

The church year begins with the Advent season. Advent means

“the coming.” The season, beginning with the fourth Sunday before

Christmas and extending to the high feast of Christmas itself is a

time set aside for preparation for the coming of our Lord on

Christmas Day.

A particular feature of this Advent season, suited to the home
and rapidly coming into prominence again, is the Advent Wreath.

This wreath may be bought or it may be made in the home. Com-

monly it is made of pine branches, and is suspended from the ceil-

ing by means of four purple ribbons. It is adorned with four candles,

one for each week of the Advent season. The light of the candle

represents Christ the Light who is come into this world. All the

other features of the wreath also have special significance. Thus,

the round form of the wreath signifies the Church’s holy cycle, the

green of the wreath signify the divine freshness that comes to us

by living with the Church’s feast and fasts, the purple bands sug-

gest the graces that descend into hearts during the Advent season

of preparation for our Lord’s coming.

Advent Candle

Among some peoples there is also the custom of the advent

candle. That is, a large candle is put into a candlestick that is

covered with white silk. It is meant to symbolize the Immaculate

Mother from whom came the Light of the World, Christ our

Savior. If there is a little shrine or altar in the home, this advent

candle might well be placed upon it and lit each evening during

advent for the family prayers in common. It serves as an eloquent

reminder of the Incarnation of the Son of God, born of the Virgin

Mary. Certainly in the case of children, such a beautiful practice

will have great influence. And there is no reason why adults should

not also be influenced by it. They will probably understand its

significance better than the children.

A simple leaflet is available today for the blessing of the advent

wreath by the father as the members of the family gather around

it on the Saturday before the first Sunday of Advent ( The Advent

Wreath

,

Altar and Home Press, Conception, Mo.). The collects

of the Masses for the Sundays of Advent are also given in English

on this leaflet. Hence they can conveniently be read as the candles

44



of the wreath are lit for the various advent Sundays. One candle

is lit for the first Sunday, two for the second, three for the third,

and all four for the fourth. The ceremony provides an impressive

little ritual. The children may well have a part in it.

Christ and Christmas—the Crib

We often hear the expression today, “Put Christ back into Christ-
mas.” The Feast, as we know, has been highly commercialized. Its

real purpose has been set aside by many, if it has not even been

forgotten. Gifts, greeting cards, celebrations—things that should
help to create the atmosphere of a great Christian feast—are often
entirely of a secular character. There is little or nothing to remind

of the Christ Child. How can that be corrected ? How can a genuine

Christmas spirit be made to pervade the home ? The Catholic parent

who gives the matter any real thought will think of a number of

ways of doing so. We recall one or the other here.
First of all, the emphasis at Christmas should be on the crib.

It should certainly be given as much attention as the Christmas

tree. Here, too, incidentally, is a place for candles. A large candle,

burning before the crib, will remind all that the Christ Child, the

Light of the World, is with us. From this candle, smaller candles

placed before the crib, one for each member of the family are lit.

This signifies that from Him who is the “Light of the World” all

“light” comes.

Here, again, we have available today an excellent leaflet that sug-

gests a fitting ritual for the home on Christmas Eve. Its content

runs as follows. When the family members have gathered around

the Christmas tree, the father, as head of the home, lights the tree

and the candles at the crib. Together the family members then

sing a verse or two of the hymn “Silent Night.” Next, the mother

reads from the Roman Martyrology, the announcement of the birth

of Our Lord. (The Roman Martyrology is a volume containing

lives of the saints which are read aloud or sung on their respective

feast day in conjunction with the divine office of the Church.) On

Christmas Day only the birth of our Lord is announced. Following

that, another verse of “Silent Night” may be sung. Then, while all

stand, the father reads the story of our Lord’s birth as told in the

Gospel of St. Luke. This is followed by the recitation of the Creed

by the whole family, after which the mother reads the oration of

the first Mass of the Feast of Christmas. Finally, all join in the

45



singing of the hymn “Adeste Fidelis.” This devotion may then

fittingly be followed by the expression of Christmas good wishes

and the bestowal of presents.

Slovak Observance

The following Christmas observance is found among the Slovak

people and apparently also, with perhaps some variations, among

other Catholic peoples of Eastern Europe, such as the Poles. On

Christmas Eve an elaborate meal is prepared. The family members

have kept a very rigid fast all day—in fact, those of the old school
will have eaten absolutely nothing all day until they sit down to

this “Generous Supper.” Incidentally, a special menu is adhered to,

with very few deviations.

The first thing taken at the meal is known as the oblatky. The

term comes from the Latin word oblatio and refers to the bread

used for the offertory and consecration of the Mass. It is in the

form of a large oval-shaped wafer, and is meant to remind of the

“bread that came down from Heaven,” or Christ’s coming upon

this earth on the first Christmas night. The wafers are blest by the

pastor during the week before Christmas and are distributed to the

families of the parish. Each family is given one for every member.

The father commonly serves this “oblatky.” He takes one wafer

at a time, puts a little honey on it, and hands one to each member

of the family. This they then consume together in memory of the

“bread that came down from heaven.” The honey that is added is

meant to signify the goodness of God.

After the meal there is singing of Christmas carols till it is time

to go to Midnight Mass. Often groups of young folks go from house

to house to sing Christmas carols or hymns.

St. John’s Day

St. John’s day, which comes two days after Christmas, is cele-

brated with a special little ritual among some Catholic peoples of

Europe. There are also at least a few isolated cases in which it is

celebrated in this country. St. John is known as the beloved disciple

of our Lord, and the observance in his honor in the home takes on

the semblance of a little love feast for the family. Wine is blessed

“in honor of St. John” after the day’s Mass. Before the evening

meal the father fills the loving-cup with it and passes it from

46



member to member with the greeting : “Drink the love of St. John,

the apostle. And where charity is and love, there is God.”

Incidentally, these latter words, “Where charity is and love,

there is God,” form the opening line of one of the most beautiful

hymns of the Holy Week liturgy. It is referred to as Ubi Caritas

(Where Charity is), after the two opening words of the Latin

version. It is an ideal wedding song and also an excellent prayer

for family members.

Epiphany

Epiphany is no longer celebrated today as it was in the past.

Years ago, it was a holy day of obligation. It, also, rather than

Christmas, was the day for bestowing gifts. Apparently that was

because of the gifts the Three Kings had given the Infant Savior.

Mention has already been made of the special blessing for homes

for this feast. Since this practice is being gradually revived again,

the blessing of the chalk in the church is also coming into its own

again. With it the gold, incense and myrrh, are also being blessed

again.

Feast of the Holy Family

The Feast of the Holy Family should be of special interest to

the family. It falls on the Sunday within the Octave of Epiphany,

and is coming more and more to be observed as a true family feast.

Family group Communion and family group assistance at Mass

are being observed on it in more and more parishes. It also pro-

vides a very fitting occasion for the renewal of the marriage prom-

ises on the part of the husband and wife, and for the recitation

of the Pledge to Christian marriage on the part of all the members

as also for the consecration of the entire family to the Holy Family.

The Family Holy Hour, which is observed in a great number of

churches in the course of the year, is held in not a few of them

on the Feast of the Holy Family. (Pledge leaflet and Family Holy

Hour booklet, Family Life Bureau, N.C.W.C.)

Candlemas

Candlemas Day also has special significance for the family. In

this country the custom that has been observed by most families,

has been that of securing two or three blessed candles on Candlemas

47



Day and keeping them in the home for use in the event of a sick-

call. But there are many other uses for blessed candles in the home,

and happily these are coming into their own again. Thus they

can be burned in the home, not only on Candlemas Day, but also

on other particularly noteworthy feasts of the Church. So, too, can

they be burned on the home altar or shrine during family devo-

tions. Or, again they can serve as the Christ-candle in the center

of the dinner table on Sundays or special feast days, on name-days,

and on anniversaries of marriages and baptisms.

In Germany one finds the following custom: on the evening of

Candlemas Day, every member of the family lights his new candle

for the recitation of the joyful mysteries of the rosary before the

crib. Then the father cuts from the Christmas tree the branches,

still laden with gifts, and distributes them to the children. This is,

as it were, the closing of the Christmas season.

The Lenten Season

The Lenten season soon follows in the Church’s liturgical cal-

endar. It, too, offers many opportunities for religious exercises

suited to the home and family life.

Shrove Tuesday, the day preceding the opening of the penitential

season, may fittingly be marked by some special innocent merri-

ment. Many may not approve of the garish ways in which it is

celebrated today. But it might be well to remember that the idea

of the Shrove Tuesday celebration is Catholic in origin. It can

also be kept Catholic in tone.

Very fittingly might the prayer, which is said by the Church

after the bestowal of the blessed ashes on Wednesday, be said by

the family on Shrove Tuesday evening. Its words read: “Lord

give us grace to inaugurate with holy fasting the defenses of Chris-

tian warfare, so that we who are to fight against spiritual wicked-

ness, may be helped and so strengthened by self-denial.”

Incidentally, Halloween is also of Catholic origin. The word

really means the Eve of All-Hallows; that is, of All Hallowed

Ones—the Eve of the Feast of All Saints. One may well doubt that
in real Catholic days it was celebrated as we celebrate it today.

Perhaps we can get back to something better today—at least insofar
as our Catholic homes are concerned.

So, too, might it be added, that the word “carnival” comes from

the Church. It comes from the Latin expression carni vale, which

48



means “farewell to meat.” Catholics celebrated with a “carnival”

before embarking upon the abstinence season of Lent.

Holy Week

The liturgy of the Church for Holy Week, portraying such out-

standing events as the institution of the Blessed Sacrament, the

passion and death of our divine Savior, and His Resurrection from

the dead—is particularly striking. Family members should attend
the Church services of these days insofar as possible. But there are

observances for the home too. These can do much to keep the

family members in the spirit of this sacred season.

Holy Thursday

Holy Thursday is the feast commemorating the institution of the

Holy Eucharist. After the Mass of the day, the Blessed Sacrament

is reserved on a special altar in the Church and is left there for

the adoration of the faithful all day and night.

In the homes of some Catholic people the evening meal on this

great feast is made a sort of symbolic “Last Supper.” The family

members appear around the festive supper table in their Sunday

best. Special buns have been prepared and placed, together with a

cup of wine for each member of the family, at the father’s place.

The father breaks a bun, makes the sign of the cross over it, and

hands it, together with a cup of wine, to the mother. Then the same

is done for all the other members of the family. When all have

been served, they sit down and, while the father reads the Gospel

of the Last Supper, they slowly eat and drink in Christ’s memory.

The little ritual bears no little resemblance to the oblatky of the

Slovaks on Christmas Eve, at which the father serves a wafer with

honey to each member of the family in remembrance of the “bread

that came down from Heaven.”

Usually the main dish for the meal that follows this symbolic Last

Supper is an Easter Lamb. It is carved and served by the father.

For, it is he who represents Christ in the home.

Good Friday

The home should be characterized by peace and quiet on Good

Friday. This should particularly be the case from noon to three

o’clock, if the members are not attending the tres ores services in

49



church which are held in remembrance of our Lord’s sufferings

and death on the cross. The time may very fittingly be spent in

prayer and meditation and spiritual reading. As the altar is stripped

in the church, so the table in the home may well be left bare for

the meals of the day.

Holy Saturday

A special feature of the Holy Saturday church service is the

lighting and blessing of the new fire by the priest. From this is lit

the triple candle, and then, in turn, the Easter candle, the sanctuary

lamp, and the candles on the altar. Here, again, the light represents

Christ the Light of the World. It had been extinguished with His

death on Good Friday.

In preparing for the festive Easter Sunday meal, efforts may

be centered, at least if there is a budding artist in the home, in

decorating Easter eggs with pictures of an Easter lamb, the Risen

Savior, the Blessed mother, and different patron saints of the

family. In Catholic countries the food for the Easter table will

have been blessed by the pastor before the morning Mass.

Among other things, Easter is the Church’s great baptismal day.

The baptismal water is blessed on Holy Saturday. In the early

church it was then used for the baptism of the catechumens. If the

children have their baptismal candles they may well be placed on

the table at the main meal on Easter. Very fittingly, too, may all

the family members renew their baptismal vows together.

Pentecost

Between the feast of the Ascension of our Lord into Heaven

and Pentecost, the family may very properly include novena prayers

in honor of the Holy Ghost in their evening prayers, begging the

Holy Spirit to come, with His seven-fold gifts and sanctify the

members of the family. Many beautiful prayers for such a novena

can be found in the Mass-texts of the Vigil of Pentecost, the Feast

itself, and its Octave.

There are other great feasts that occur during the cycle of the

liturgical year—feasts of the Blessed Virgin, for instance—that can
be celebrated in some special way in the home. Some special prepa-

ration for such can be made in the family circle, for instance, by

reading and discussing the Mass texts of the Feasts the evening

50



before. This also would be a very fitting way in which to prepare

for the Sundays of the year. Such a practice would help assure

reasonable attention and devotion at the Sunday Mass—something
that could hardly be expected if one spent Saturday evening and

much of the night at an entertainment place, as is only too often

the practice today.

The customs that I have mentioned in the foregoing will not all,

as I said before, fit into every family circle. However, I feel that

a sufficient number has been mentioned to make possible a satis-

factory selection for any and every home. There are still others

that have not been mentioned. And there is hardly any limit to

the adaptations that can be made. There should be no difficulty in

finding plenty of suitable ones to enable the family members to

make of the home in a real sense a church in miniature, and to live

in the spirit of our Holy Mother, the Church, throughout the entire

ecclesiastical year.*

*Some of the foregoing is found in the three volumes of the Family Life

Bureau, entitled, Your Home
,
O Church in Miniature. The volumes contain

much additional material.

51



VI. THE HOME, A SCHOOL OF THE VIRTUES

We hear a great deal about sin. And that is certainly understand-
able, since sin is the one great evil that stands in the way, blocking

the road to our heavenly home. Nevertheless, it might be quite

possible to place so much emphasis on this negative aspect of spir-

itual life, as we might call it, that one would tend to overlook the

positive aspect, or the practice of virtues. Yet the latter is un-

questionably of great importance. The more virtuous we are,

certainly the greater the reward that we can expect in heaven.

Hence it is well for us to focus attention on the virtues, and I

mean to devote this conference to at least a brief exposition of some

of them. The subject is an immense one. We can hardly expect to
do more than introduce it. But even that should prove very

beneficial. The truth is that some virtues are so closely and ex-

tensively associated with the home that they might well be called

the domestic virtues. But all virtues are in considerable measure

associated with family life. All can be taught within the family

circle. The home can be and should be a great school for the learning

of the virtues and a great center for their practice.

A. The Virtues in General

Let us first discuss the virtues generally, and then devote our

attention to a number of specific virtues. The average Catholic has

a fair idea of the meaning of the term “virtue,” and also of the

various kinds of virtues. Such terms as “theological virtues,”

“cardinal virtues,” “moral virtues,” “natural and supernatural

virtues” are also familiar to him. Yet it may help us if we refresh

our memories with a few definitions.

A virtue can be defined as a habit or permanent disposition

which inclines the individual to do good or to avoid evil. This

definition suggests, and correctly so, that a virtue and a virtuous

act are not one and the same thing. A virtue is more than an act.

It is a habit, an endowment, a sort of faculty of the soul or an

abiding disposition to act.

Some virtues are infused. For instance, the virtue of faith is

infused at baptism. Other virtues are acquired. Thus, we acquire the

52



virtue of patience, for instance, by repeated acts of patience. Again,

we acquire, or at least develop, the virtue of humility by repeated

acts of humility.

Perhaps the major categories into which we divide the virtues

are : the theological

;

the cardinal; the other moral virtues. I say

“other” moral virtues, because the cardinal virtues are at the same

time moral virtues.

The theological virtues have God, as He is in Himself, or as the

Author of grace, as their immediate material and formal object.

The very word suggests that. Theos is a Greek word meaning God.

Hence, the theological virtues are virtues that relate to God, that

have God as their object. And they are these three: faith, hope,

and charity. In other words, they are : belief in God, hope in Him,

and love of Him.

The moral virtues do not have God or the Creator for their im-

mediate object, but some created good. They are concerned with

the means whereby we tend to God. They are called moral virtues

because they dispose us to lead moral or good and upright lives, by

aiding us to treat persons and things in the right way. Our actions

are so regulated by the moral virtues that, in spite of obstacles from

within or without, we are induced to press on in a steady course

toward God.

While there are only three theological virtues, there are many

moral virtues. But among them there are four that have a special

name. They are called cardinal virtues. These four are
:

prudence,

justice, fortitude and temperance. Why are they called the cardinal

virtues ? They are called so, not because they are the chief or most

important and outstanding of the moral virtues, but because all

the other moral virtues—in fact, our whole moral life—depend
on them. The term comes from the Latin word “cardo,” which

means a hinge. Prudence, justice, fortitude and temperance, there-

fore, are, so to speak, four hinges from which hang all the other

virtues—or, let us say, from which flow all the other moral virtues.
With these terms made clear, and before taking up any specific

virtues for consideration, it may be well to consider briefly the

effective means for cultivating acts of virtue. They are chiefly these

:

meditation
;
actual practice

;
examination of conscience—more espe-

cially what is known as the particular examen— ; the practice of
mortification

;
use of the means of grace.

Little need be said about the first
;
namely, meditation. Obviously,

53



thinking upon virtue—meditating upon its worth and beauty, its
advantages and necessity, leads us on to love it and to strive to

acquire it.

Secondly, we mentioned the actual practice of virtuous acts. Here

the dictum holds, practice makes perfect. By repeating virtuous

acts we acquire ease and steadiness in their practice.

The third means for effectively cultivating virtuous acts that we

mentioned was the examination of conscience. A regular check on
ourselves will show us how we stand with regard to the practice

and acquisition of virtue. This, of course, should be accompanied

by a resolution to do better when we find reason to believe that we

are not doing as well as we should.

The particular examen is even a more effective means. This type

of examination focuses attention for some time—even weeks and
months—upon one particular virtue or its opposite vice, calling
for a persistent and intensive effort to develop the former and

eradicate the latter, before going on to another virtue or vice. This

particular type of examination is more effective than a general and

rambling type. One will usually get much further by resolving to

practice a specific virtue than by resolving to be more virtuous

generally.

Unquestionably mortification is also a great aid in cultivating

virtue. By removing obstacles to virtue, mortification lends facility

to its practice. By constantly denying himself things that are in-

nocent and lawful, the individual will be able, with relative ease,

to deny himself things that are forbidden.

Certainly faithful use of the means of grace contributes to the

effective practice of virtuous acts, giving us, as it does, super-

natural aid to that end.

B. Specific Virtues

1. FAITH

In turning to a consideration of the specific virtues, we quite

logically take the fundamental theological virtue of faith first.

What is it? What are some of the opportunities for its practice

in the home?

Faith is the virtue by which we firmly believe all the truths that

God has revealed. As already noted, the virtue of faith is infused

into the soul at baptism. But, of course, one must practice acts of

54



faith. Certainly without that, faith will not remain strong and firm.

In other words, faith must be exercised. It must be professed.

Insofar as parents are concerned, they must teach their children

the truths of faith
;
they must incite them to make acts of faith

;

they must give them an example of faith through practice in the

home.

In place here should be a few words from Dr. Maria Hermkes,

whom we have quoted before. By the words she gives an idea of

the great importance to the child of the example of the practice of

faith in the home. Stating first that parents, though they may be

in no sense theologians, can teach the fundamentals of faith to the

children, she adds the thought that communication of knowledge

is not enough. No, she maintains, knowing the faith is not sufficient.

We must live it. Then she goes on to say: “It comes to this—and
parents too are developed marvelously in the process—to live forth
convincingly, however simply, the Christian world : love lived

;

faith lived. When the young man in his doubts, in his unbelief,

in his heart’s coldness, knows that his father and mother are

strong in faith and in love, that his unrest is folded into their life

of prayer, that is often the deciding factor and suffices in time of

crisis more than anything else. How beautiful it is when the one

prayer lives on in a child that has fallen from God, ‘Help my un-

belief, and look upon the faith of my mother,’ as indeed we all pray

to God that He look not upon our unbelief, but upon the faith of

our Mother, the Church. Outside the family such a child will feel

himself in a strange land; and he will keep strong root always in

the love of his father, in the faith of his mother.”

Yes, the exercise of faith on a family basis is important. That

is why practices like the following are important: 1) common

prayer and other religious exercises within the family circle; 2) at-

tendance at Mass and the reception of Communion as a family

unit; 3) the provision of religious articles—crucifixes, pictures,
and other religious tokens—reminders of the faith—in the home.
And we may rest assured that faith in the home carries with it

many and deep compensations. Beyond a doubt, the misfortunes

and heartbreaks of life are borne far more easily in the home of a

lively faith than in the home in which its benign and strengthening

influence is not felt. When sickness and poverty enter the home of

faith, though pain may indeed be experienced, its keen edge is

very considerably dulled by hope, and by the knowledge that even

55



God’s chastisements are not unaccompanied by love. Then, too, in

the solemn hour of death, faith mitigates the pain of the dying in

such a home. Nor does it leave that awful aching void that it

necessarily leaves in the hearts of those who remain behind who

have no faith. For, they go with a chastened sadness to the last

resting place of the beloved departed, and there, kneeling around

the cross that marks the spot, they pour out prayerful suffrage that

the soul of the departed one may be speedily refreshed and rested.

Often they will gather there around the spot to bind ever closer

the secret ties of remembrance, and to yearn themselves for that

eternal home already attained by those whom they loved and revered

in their home on this earth. Yes, we may rest assured such a home

of faith has a balm which others cannot have. It yields compensa-

tions which others cannot give.

2. HOPE

Then there is the theological virtue of hope. It is a virtue that

leads us confidently to place our trust in God, and to do so because

of His Almighty power and His infinite goodness and promises.

And what is it we hope for? What is the object of this virtue?

The answer is life everlasting, and the means needed to attain it.

As we pray to God, in reciting the Act of Hope : “relying on Thy

infinite goodness and promises, I hope to obtain the pardon of

my sins, the help of Thy grace, and life everlasting.” Left to our-

selves, we certainly have little reason for hope. But, relying upon

God’s mercy and promises, we have every reason to hope. He is

both all-powerful and all-good and all-merciful.

Zealous Christian parents will be characterized by the virtue of

hope. They will avoid on the one hand despair of God’s mercy, and

on the other presumption of God’s mercy : they will confidently

place their trust in God. Furthermore, they will seek diligently to

instil this virtue in their little ones. They can do so by making the

Act of Hope one of the favorite prayers of the family circle. They

can do so by calling the children’s attention to God’s great good-

ness to us as manifested in such doctrines, for instance, as the for-

giveness of sin and purgatory. And they can do so particularly dur-

ing the month of November, the month of the poor souls. To be

sure, at other times too should there be prayers in the home for

the deceased members of the family and of the wider family rela-

tionship. Such prayers are a beautiful expression of supernatural

56



hope, a hope built on the other two theological virtues, faith and

charity. Hence there is obviously also opportunity in the home for

fostering the great theological virtue of hope.

3. LOVE

But undoubtedly there is even greater opportunity in the home

for the practice of the “greatest of the three,” the theological virtue

of love. What do we mean by this virtue, and what are some of the

opportunities to practice it in the home? We must refer at least
briefly to it, since it is so very fundamental. It is, in fact, the very

essence of Christianity. You will undoubtedly recall the occasion

on which this was brought out by our Divine Savior. A lawyer,
tempting Him, inquired of Him : “Master, which is the greatest

law, the greatest commandment?” And the Master answered, in

substance, that really there was but one law, the two-fold law of

love—love of God and neighbor. To that he reduced all the law
and the prophets. It is, therefore, the very essence of Christianity.

We define supernatural love or charity as a virtue by which
we love God for His own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for

the love of God. We are really brought into being for the purpose
of loving God. Hence, it certainly should be our holy ambition

constantly to increase charity in the soul. Greater charity implies

greater nearness to God, greater friendship with Him, greater

merit, and eventually higher glory in heaven. How then is this

to be accomplished? How are we to increase charity in the soul?

Spiritual writers set forth these means : 1 ) striving for more perfect

knowledge of God; 2) striving for greater purity of heart and

detachment of creatures; 3) gradual purification of our love of

God
; 4) frequent exercise of charity or performance of acts of

love of God.

A few words of explanation should be in place.

1. Regarding the first means—striving for a more perfect knowl-
edge of God—we know that God is infinite goodness. But the good
is more lovable, the better it is known. It is really the profound

knowledge of God on the part of the blessed in heaven that make

their love of Him so full and overflowing. Hence, we should meditate

on His perfections, His goodness and power and mercy, etc., and

not center all our attention in earthly interests and pursuits.

2. As to the second means of growing in love of God—that is,

57



striving for greater purity of heart and detachment from creatures

—little explanation should be necessary. Obviously, the more we
divest ourselves of self and the more we diminish in our love of

created things, the more we grow in love of the Creator. It is

preoccupation with self and the things of this world that disputes

our heart with God.

3. Then there is the third means of growing in love of God

—

the gradual purification of our love of God, or the gradual perfect-

ing of our love. That is, we must strive really to love God for

Himself, and not, for instance, because that gives us some satis-

faction, or because we expect a reward in return.

4. Finally, there is the exercise of charity or the actual practice

of acts of love or the performance of deeds of love, as a means of

increasing love in the soul. Practice makes perfect. Every act of

charity disposes the soul toward the increase of charity; every

fresh act makes the heart more ready to break forth into a further

act
;
and as this exercise becomes more and more habitual, there is

every now and then an act of special fervency that floods the heart.

This point of exercising charity, of performing acts of love, is

highly important to us. We have to preserve the love of God,
which was infused as an endowment or habit into the soul at

baptism
;
but we also have to develop it. We preserve it by avoiding

all mortal sin. We develop it by performing good works, by prac-
ticing acts of love. Certainly the more we love God, the better for us.

Charity or perfection is open to unlimited development. One

should readily see that there is a great difference between perfec-

tion first infused into the soul of the child and that of the mature

saint after a long life spent in the practice of every virtue or good

work. The wise and thoughtful individual will be mindful of that

fact. He must save his soul, of course
;
otherwise all is lost. But he

should not be satisfied with that. He should keep himself keenly

aware of the fact that it is in his power to determine the degree

of his glory in heaven—that the capacity for heavenly happiness in
his soul is determined by the degree of perfection of charity at-

tained in this life, and that this degree very largely depends upon

the diversity and intensity, the duration and number of good works.

The second part of the law of love—the love of neighbor—is also
very important insofar as the family is concerned. By neighbor we,

of course, do not just mean the person living next door. We should

first of all mean those of our own household—husband, wife,
58



brother, sister, parent, child. In its full meaning, of course, it ex-

tends to all mankind, everyone without exception.

Let us recall our definition of Christian love. It is a virtue by

which we love God above all things for His own sake, and our

neighbor as ourselves for the love of God. Love of neighbor, there-

fore, is like love of God, a theological virtue, if we love God Himself

in our neighbor—in other words, if we love our neighbor for God’s
sake. It would not be genuine charity if we loved our neighbor only

for his own sake, or because of the services he may render us.

Only when we see God in him can we give him a love that is super-

natural. Only when we see the interests of God and the will of

God in our neighbor can we love him with a love that is “like

unto” the love we owe God.

We can see, then, why, in speaking of the theological virtue of
love, we include both love of God and of neighbor. The two are

most closely associated, and the love of fellowman is second in

importance only to the love of God. We love God for His own sake,
because He is what He is—infinitely good, just, merciful, etc. We
love our neighbor for the sake of Christ. We believe that Christ

is in him. As Holy Writ tells us, “As long as you did it for one of

these, the least of my brethren, you did it for Me.”

Needless to say, the rightly constituted family is a great source

of love. Indeed, one may well ask, where, for the great majority

of mankind, is there fuller opportunity for the fulfillment of the

great fundamental Christian law of love than precisely in the family

circle. It is safe to say that by far the greatest amount of love

and unselfishness in this world is found in that divinely constituted

well-spring of love, the family. For family life calls for innumerable

daily compromises and sacrifices, for the constant shouldering of

responsibilities and hardships for the common good of the whole

group. And if that sacrifice of self for the good of those around

us in the home is done out of love of God, then indeed we have

the fulfillment of the great Christian law of love. The members

of such a family are well on their way to working out their eternal

salvation.

We need not go into detail here regarding opportunities for the

practice of charity in the home. With only a little care, those who

live a family life will undoubtedly recognize many opportunities.

Let me just add that both the positive and negative must be kept

in mind if genuine charity is to be kept alive in the family circle.

59



Courtesy to all the members of the family, a spirit of cheerfulness

while in the house, cooperation in making the home an attractive

and pleasant place in which to live, proper respect and consideration

for the older members of the family, a spirit of peace and real

kindness—these are the things on the positive side that should
characterize life in the Christian family. On the negative side, there

should be the elimination of all nagging and bickering and disputes,

of rivalries and jealousy and discord, and of strife and sullenness

and dissension. In a word, charity should be the very center of all

the virtues of the home. And when that is the case, society generally

will also eventually be much influenced by it.

60



VII. THE MORAL VIRTUES

In the foregoing we discussed, very briefly it is true, the theo-

logical virtues—faith, hope and charity. Next we shall turn to
what are known as the moral virtues. There are many of these.

Outstanding among them are, for example, the following
:

prudence,

justice, fortitude, temperance, humility, obedience, filial piety, re-

ligion, patience, meekness, truthfulness, chastity or purity. We
cannot discuss all of these. Hence let us devote what time we have

to a brief examination of these four : humility, temperance, fortitude,

patience.

Humility

We may very fittingly begin with the moral virtue of humility,
since it is recognized as the very foundation of all the other virtues

or of Christian perfection. Without humility there is no solid virtue.

With it, all the other virtues grow in depth and perfection. We
know that without grace we cannot even begin any supernatural

act of virtue. But grace demands humility. As we read in Holy

Writ (St. James, iv, 6) : “God resists the proud, but gives grace

to the humble.” That is really to say that it is impossible to develop,

or even to preserve, the habits of virtue without humility.

What is humility? It is, in a word, a recognition of our limita-

tions. Take God from the picture and what have we? Surely nothing

except sin. That should make us truly humble. The term “humility”

comes from the Latin word humus, which means ground. It sug-

gests, therefore, nearness to the ground or lowliness. An accepted

definition is this : “humility is a moral virtue that inclines man

to form a lowly opinion of himself, and to desire that others should

also think lowly of him.” On the basis of this definition, a distinc-

tion may be made between a humility of estimation and a humility

of affection. The former is an acknowledgment of our own nothing-

ness, based upon our utter dependence on God and our own

depravity
;
the latter is a desire that others should think little of us.

We might add that humility does not require that we ignore

the good that is in us, that we divest ourselves of all self-regard.

What is required is that we do not claim the good that is in us

as our own. It is not our own. It is God’s gift.

61



Perhaps it will further clarify the meaning of humility to refer

to its opposite vice; namely, the capital sin of pride. Pride is,

substantially, forgetfulness of our dependence on God, coupled with

a conceited, self-sufficiency. The practical Christian will always keep

himself carefully on guard against pride. He will constantly bear

in mind that pride comes before a fall, that God resists the proud

and gives His grace to the humble. He will cultivate a distrust in

himself and a dependence on God.

And the practical Christian will go further. He will practice

acts of humility. He will patiently and cheerfully accept humiliations

that come his way. He will not be too eager to excuse himself when

found fault with or blamed. He will willingly perform humble tasks

that are assigned him. He will not seek the praise of others, but

will rejoice when others are praised.

Parents should teach their little ones humility. There are a

number of ways in which this can be done.

First of all, they should reprimand with fitting severity any indi-

cation of pride or haughtiness in their children. Speaking unkindly

to others, taking a mean pleasure in their embarrassment, humilia-

tion, defects or deformities, or in any other words or actions in-

tended to show off imagined superiority, should not be tolerated.

Another way of curbing pride and encouraging humility in the

children is to discourage the spirit of undue criticism. Those who

tend to criticize set themselves up as superiors.

Still another way is to urge the children to accept little humilia-

tions that come their way. They may make an embarrassing mis-

take. Somebody may make a disquieting remark about them or

their family. These and other unpleasant occurrences can be made

means of keeping us humble. They can be made stepping stones

to profound Christian virtues.

There are also opportunities for grownups to practice humility

in the home. Poverty can keep them humble. Lowliness or humble

circumstances often produce marvels of virtue among the poor.

An eternal striving to keep up with the Joneses smacks more of

pride than of humility.

Let me just say yet in concluding our consideration regarding

this virtue, that there are great lessons in humility in the acknowl-

edgment of our faults, in the confession of our sins. The family

whose members regularly approach the sacred tribunal of penance

62



will be an humble family. And it will be all the better if they ap-

proach the tribunal together—on the same day.

Temperance

One of the cardinal virtues is temperance. It is a virtue that dis-

poses us to control our desires, our appetites, our inclinations. And

there is question here not only of denying ourselves that which is

wrong or offensive to the virtue of temperance, but also that which

may be entirely innocent in itself and permissible. It is because

pleasure is enticing and easily lures us beyond the proper limits

that temperance should lead us to mortify ourselves, even in regard

to some of the things that are permissible, in order to assure the

control of reason over passion.

Let us contrast that now with the sins of intemperance, with the

vices contrary to the virtue of temperance. These are gluttony and

lust. Both are known as capital sins. The former refers to excess in

eating and drinking, the latter to abuse and disorder in matters of

the flesh. In God’s designs, man does not live to eat and drink.

Rather is it the other way around. He eats and drinks to live, to

keep up his health and strength so he can fulfill his duties in life.

In God’s designs, too, sex is not given man for mere selfish

gratification. It is given him for a high social purpose, for the

propagation and conservation of the human race. The use of this

faculty, therefore, is lawful only within the bond of marriage, and

then only when it furthers or at least does not interfere with the

primary purpose of marriage; that is, the procreation of children.

It is in going counter to this that we see so many of the sins that

are committed in married life today.

Closely related to this cardinal virtue of temperance, which re-

lates to the control of our appetites for food and drink and sex, are

such virtues as meekness and humility, the former relating to the

control of the emotion of anger, the latter to the control of the

inclination to pride.

It cannot be denied that the sin of intemperance carries with it

evils which, directly or indirectly, have very detrimental effects

upon family life. Practically all cases of serious family trouble have

their source in some form or other of intemperance. The sad dis-

orders in family life that result from excessive drink are well known.

Sexual disorders may be much more hidden, but are nonetheless

exceedingly harmful too. Some lead to open strife between the

spouses. All stamp in selfishness, which is the enemy of the co*

63



operation and teamwork so essential to successful family life. They

gradually kill real love, or even turn it into hate. There is no

question that this is a basic factor in much of our dreadful divorce

today.

Of course the zealous Catholic will aim much higher than merely

trying to keep his home from destruction through intemperance.

He will constantly be guided by the fact that the more he disciplines

and denies himself by a spirit of mortification and genuine Christian

self-control, the closer will he come to the realization of the Chris-

tian ideal in his family life, and in life generally, and that the more

he gives in to selfish indulgence, the farther will he drift away

from it.

Fortitude

Next, let us turn to the moral virtue of fortitude. It happens also

to be a cardinal virtue. What does it mean? Fortitude is a virtue

that disposes us to do what is good in spite of any difficulty. It

urges us on in the face of trying circumstances. It moves us to

act without either cowardice or rashness. The practice of the

virtue that was just considered, namely, temperance, certainly calls

for a measure of fortitude. It is not an easy thing to sacrifice oneself,

to deny or mortify one’s appetite.

There is, of course, such a thing as a merely human or a natural

fortitude. There are many individuals who possess a natural

bravery. For instance, there are those who do great things on the

basis of likes and dislikes. But we are interested in the supernatural

virtue of fortitude, in acting on the basis of supernatural principles.

For instance, a person disciplines himself out of love of God. He

bravely faces, out of love of Him, the innumerable obstacles on

the road to virtue and to perfection. He suffers, willingly and

patiently, for God’s sake, the innumerable trials He sends. He

bears, from the same spiritual motive, the hurts and sufferings and

calumnies that come his way. Such an individual practices the

supernatural virtue of fortitude.

No small measure of fortitude or moral courage is needed on the

part of those who live a genuine family life today. Rearing a family

is not a joyride. It is a job. And not infrequently straitened circum-

stances or other difficulties—a special cross, for instance, that God
may send the parents—make it doubly difficult. Then there is the
constant example of those who take the easy way out, simply shirk-

64



ing their obligations. There is also the ridicule heaped at times upon

parents of large families. Nevertheless, in the face of all of this,

parents can, strengthened by God’s grace, faithfully fulfill all their

duties under the moral law. And nothing less than that, of course,

is expected. But it will not be accomplished without a real measure

of the virtue of fortitude.

Parents should see to it that their home becomes a school for

teaching the virtue of fortitude. The children should be made to

face, and not be permitted to evade, the ordinary difficulties of life.

Furthermore, they should be encouraged to practice voluntary

mortification for God’s sake.

I would point out in this connection that the saints are out-

standing examples of the virtue of fortitude. Children should be

made acquainted with their lives. Popular lives of the saints are

available and should be in the home. The stirring lives of indi-

vidual saints, at least occasionally heard on the radio, may very

profitably be listened to. And what better practice in the home than

telling children the stories of saints who were outstanding in Chris-

tian fortitude, and all the other virtues—such as patience and con-
stancy—so closely linked with it. Surely the children are to be
pitied whose only heroes are the movie stars.

Patience

As a final virtue, let us consider the one just mentioned as being

closely linked with fortitude; namely, patience. It is highly im-

portant for home life. It almost has to be the badge of successful

parents.

We might define it as a moral virtue that disposes us to bear up
under trials and difficulties. It has also been well defined as “a

Christian virtue that makes us withstand with equanimity of soul,

for the love of God, and in union with Jesus Christ, all physical

and moral sufferings.”

Suffering is the lot of all. Try as we will, we cannot avoid all of

it. In fact, there are innumerable troubles that cannot be avoided.

Now it is in the proper acceptance of these that the virtue of

patience must be exercised. The true Christian will do this, not

complainingly or in bitterness of heart, but from supernatural

motives. He will accept them in acknowledgment of God’s will in

the matter, and in the hope of eternal reward. He will offer them

up in union with Christ’s sufferings, led on by the thought that if

65



our Savior, Who is innocence itself, suffered so much for our sal-
vation, we should also willingly suffer for Him.

Patience, as I said, is a virtue that is closely akin to the cardinal

virtue of fortitude. In fact, it has been described as the passive

counterpart of fortitude. While fortitude is exercised in the active

struggle with difficulties and dangers, patience is the passive ac-

ceptance of what is hard to bear. So, too, are voluntary mortifica-

tion and the virtue of patience closely allied, if not even identical.

The spirit of voluntary mortification finds its fullest practice in the

virtue of patience. Patience, therefore, is hardly a striking type of

virtue. It contrasts rather poorly with great or heroic acts of

fortitude. Indeed, as it finds its place in home life, it is pretty much

a commonplace and humdrum affair. Nonetheless, it is not in any

sense an unimportant virtue. In fact, spiritual writers make much

of it. It is very pleasing to God because it involves a complete

surrender of our wills to His. Patient acceptance of trials and suf-

ferings makes us like our Divine Lord. In His sufferings He never

permitted a murmur to escape His lips. He accepted everything

willingly because He knew that He was doing the will of His

Father. Similarly we should accept willingly and gladly whatever

happens to us.

There is much opportunity in the home for the practice of this

important Christian virtue, particularly on the part of parents.

There are difficulties to be faced and crosses to be borne in every

family circle. The true Christian will face them calmly and will

seek the necessary strength from Him who commanded us to

take up our cross and follow Him, to bear them in the proper spirit.

Ordinarily, it is the small things of daily family life that try

patience most. Small in themselves, they are likely to add up and

become very trying. This is particularly the case with the individual

whose health is not just up to par, or whose nerves are taut.

Patience in small things is not a thing to be spurned. It is pleasing

to God and is at the same time a preparation for the time when

bigger crosses will overshadow the individual.

There is a close relationship between the practice of patience

in the home and the development of love between the family

members. “Charity is patient,” reminds St. Paul. Love is natural

emotion
;
but it must be nourished and cultivated. It must be kept

alive by kindness, thoughtfulness, courtesy. It calls for coolheaded-

ness and graciousness, even when the individual is confronted with

66



trials and difficulties. It rules out scolding, bitter words, outbursts

of anger—in a word, impatience in any shape or form. To have the
courage to smile when things go wrong, to be ready with sincere and

understanding affection at all times, to consider all things good

when shared with the family, and crosses lighter when borne in

unison:—these are the things on which patience feeds and from
which love waxes strong.

There is perhaps more inclination to show impatience within the

confines of the home than is generally the case outside of it. At any

rate, there are not a few individuals who are courteous and gracious

outside the family circle, but impatient, sullen, and irritable within

it. Yet, the fact is, nonetheless, that their family members have

greater claim on them than have their extradomestic associates.

One cause of this situation is undoubtedly constant close association

with the same individuals. This association easily brings about an

awareness of faults and failings which might otherwise lie hidden,

or which might not become sufficiently obtrusive to irk us were

the association not so close and continuous.

The well-trained Catholic will know of many little practices

that will serve as helps to counteract inclinations to impatience.

One such help will certainly be a sincere effort to imitate the Divine

Model of patience and His home in Nazareth. Such an effort will

gradually develop in the individual a fine appreciation of the virtue

of patience and will be of genuine assistance whenever lowering

clouds appear on the family horizon. Living consciously in the

presence of God will also serve as a great inducement to bear

patiently with the trials of everyday life. Constant reminders will

be necessary here. A multiplicity of duties in the home, and too
much attention to things about us, can easily make one forget he is

living in His presence always. But proper training will enable the

individual to recall that presence on a moment’s notice. So, too,

should a glance cast towards a crucifix or a sacred picture on the

wall of the home serve as a helpful reminder in time of difficulty,

and enable the individual to go on in patience in the fulfillment of

his duties. Motivation is very important and helpful here. Bearing

distasteful and unpleasant matters in expiation of our sins will

go far in ruling impatience out of our lives. Uniting our sufferings

with those of the souls in purgatory, in supplication for them, will

have the same beneficial result. Again, a keen realization that not

all faults are in others, but that we also have our share, should

67



do much to make us patient in our association and dealings with

others, both in and outside the home. A real appreciation of the
fact that others, probably just as sensitive as we are ourselves, must

put up with our shortcomings and failings, will normally be an

excellent help toward developing a spirit of both humility and

patience. Undoubtedly, too, fair-minded individuals generally would

be more given to the practice of the virtue of patience if they im-

pressed upon their minds the fact that impatience is really never

very reasonable, and that it goes very far in killing the spirit of

give and take, which is so necessary for pleasant and satisfying

living, whether it be in or outside the family circle.

Actually, there are many advantages linked with the practice of

the virtue of patience. For instance, patience is a virtue that brings

peace and tranquility to the mind. When the individual is thoroughly

convinced that whatever happens is God’s will and works to his

good, it is hard to see how he will be much disturbed about any-

thing. The things that really disturb and upset a person are those

regarding which he cannot have his own way. If his will is so

fixed on God that, whatever God wills, he himself wills, nothing

can happen contrary to his own wishes. He will be perfectly satis-

fied and content.

Another advantage of this virtue is, of course, the fact that the

practice of patience makes us pleasing to God. By accepting every-

thing willingly as coming from Him, we give our wills to God.

This is a thing that He requires of us above all things. It goes

without saying that being pleasing to God is of even greater

advantage to us than merely acquiring peace and tranquility of mind.

Still another great advantage that derives from the practice of

patience is the fact that by means of it we can do much to satisfy

for our own sins and those of our neighbors, and to gain graces

for ourselves and for them. It was by willing acceptance of suffer-

ing that our Divine Savior redeemed the world. It is by patiently

accepting our sufferings and offering them all to Him in union with

His passion that we can take part in that work of Redemption.

And what greater thing can be done in this life! What greater

assurance of happiness in the next life can be given

!

May one of the results of your retreat be to arouse at least

enough interest in the virtues on your part to induce you to read

and study in this field, and even meditate further on them for

yourselves. It may well be repeated that, while accent on the great

68



evil of sin is essential, we must not overlook the more positive

side of spiritual life, the practice of the virtues. And the family

is one of the main mediums for the practice of the virtues. It is a

great school of the virtues.*

The foregoing material on the virtues is taken from The Family, a School

of the Virtues, a Family Life Bureau publication. A number of other virtues
are treated in this brochure. Indeed its contents might well serve for a family

retreat dealing with the virtues alone.

69



VIII. THE RELIGIOUS FAMILY ANALOGY

There is a very considerable similarity between the human Chris-

tian family and the religious or monastic family. Thus, in religious

communities of the Church we find such terms as “father,”

“mother,” “brother,” “sister” used quite as extensively as in the

ordinary family. And a comparison of the two types of families

will show a considerable basis for this. It will show many funda-

mental similarities between them.

Let us in this conference examine some of these similarities. It

will not be an idle investigation. Indeed, it should do much to offset

the fairly common notion that family life is something much lower

in the eyes of the Church than religious life. And that, in turn,

should help to give us a still truer appreciation of the real excellence

of Christian family living.

In speaking of the religious family, in making the comparisons

with the human family, the writer shall refer to the Benedictine

monastic family. He will do this because he is most familiar with

it, and also because its Rule repeatedly brings out the fact of the

family analogy. However, what is said of the Benedictine religious

family holds also in very great part of other religious groups.

Final Purpose

If, first of all, we consider the ends or final purposes of the two

types of family, the religious and the human, we will find them not

only similar but exactly the same. The ultimate purpose of each

is union with God, the attainment of the Beatific Vision in our

heavenly home. The two merely constitute different ways of reach-

ing that same goal. They make use of different means of reaching it.

According to the Rule of St. Benedict, the first test that is ap-

plied to a young aspirant when he presents himself for admission

to a Benedictine community, is, as the Rule states it, “Whether he

truly seeks God.” There is the real ultimate purpose of religious

life—to seek God, to work out one’s salvation.
But that is also the real final purpose of marriage and Christian

family living. As we saw before, the encyclical on Christian Mar-

riage points out that the two partners in marriage are bound to help

70



each other in working out their eternal destiny. There must be

under the sacred bond of marriage—to quote its words—“a mutual
interior or spiritual molding of the two spouses, a determination

and ambition to perfect each other spiritually.” The two must live

a partnership that aims at an eternal goal. They must seek God

together, hand in hand, as it were—and not alone as before mar-
riage.

Again, the child, the primary purpose of the family is begotten

for God. The attainment of the eternal mansions of our Father’s

House is his destiny, his ultimate purpose in life. And that, indeed,

is the ultimate purpose of all callings, whether the religious life,

family life, or the single life in the world. However, the means of

attaining it are somewhat different in these three callings or ways

of life.

Vow and Sacrament

With regard to what we might call the foundation stone of both

the monastic and the human family, we also find very considerable

similarity or analogy. Both are based on a sacred and solemn con-

tract, the religious vows and the sacrament of matrimony, respec-

tively. Both involve a solemn consecration of the individual. Both

are intimately linked with grace.

Let us in this connection consider the human family first. It is

founded upon an unbreakable promise, on a contract that is at the

same time a sacrament or grace-dispensing institution, namely, the

sacrament of matrimony. Again, through Christian marriage, hus-

band and wife are solemnly dedicated to a new and joint office in

the Mystical Body of Christ. Through it, they are bound in a union

in which they must constantly strive to exemplify the highest rela-

tionships of love which they can conceive, namely, of Christ’s re-

deeming and sanctifying love for the Church.

As the Christian family is based on an irrevocable promise that

constitutes the sacrament of matrimony, so the religious life of

the professed Benedictine is based on a sacred and unbreakable

contract, namely, on his solemn religious vows. Again, as the con-

tracting parties in marriage are dedicated to a new joint office in

the Mystical Body of Christ, so through his religious profession,

the religious is totally consecrated to the service of God and the

Church. One might say that, through his vows a religious is con-

71



secrated for the service of God much as a chalice or other sacred

vessel of the Church is consecrated for His service. Then, too,

as the sacrament of matrimony lifts an office of nature to the

supernatural plane, so the vows of the religious supernaturalize

all the acts performed in religious life that are in harmony with

their purposes. Here again, then, we see much similarity.

Both Linked With Grace

Both the human and monastic families are also most intimately

bound up with grace. Both are vitally spiritual societies. In that

fact lies still further analogy.

Insofar as the married spouses are concerned, the two, let us

recall, live constantly in a sacramental state. This implies a con-

tinuing title to the graces of the sacrament of matrimony. In other

words, Christian marriage, the basis of family life, is as we saw,

the union of two personalities throbbing with the Christ-life of

grace. It is a life partnership of two beings suffused with grace, a

union of two souls redeemed by Christ, destined for eternal union

with God, and bound to work together toward that end.

The monastic family, too, is something vitally spiritual. While

the religious vows do not constitute a sacrament, St. Thomas, great

theologian of the Church, likens the monastic profession, in its

(ex opere operato) effect to the sacraments. But, at all events,

religious certainly live in a world of grace. Their lives are guided

by the grace of vocation and they are surrounded in their com-

munities by many and varied means of grace.

All in all, then, there is a very considerable similarity in what

I have called the foundation stone of the two types of family. Both

are built on solemn and sacred promises made to God and ratified

in heaven. Both imply a solemn consecration. Both are linked

most intimately to an abundance of the spiritual aid that is grace.

Representatives of Christ

When we turn to what may well be called the capstone or key-

note of the monastic and human familial structures; namely, the

head, we find no less a striking analogy or similarity. In both cases

the head is called “father.” And, what is much more important, in

both cases he is taken to represent Christ.

The term “father” has always been applied to the head of the

72



human family. The Christians kept the term that had already been

used by the pagans before them, but brought about radical changes

in the powers that the patriarch or father exerted over the family

members. Under paganism those powers were often extreme, and

were often abused. Under Christianity they were limited by a

moral law that forbade their abuse.

Insofar as the monastic family is concerned, St. Benedict himself

applied the term “father” or “abbot” to the superior or head. We

find it used, for instance, in the special chapter in his Rule which

discusses what manner of man the head of the community ought

to be.

But much more important than the term used or the name applied

to the head of the two groups is the fact that in both cases he

represents Christ. You will recall that the teaching in this regard,

insofar as the human family is concerned, is found in St. Paul’s

Epistle to the Ephesians. Perhaps you will recall also the words

of Pope Leo XIII, which I quoted in commenting on the scriptural

text. “Since,” he said, “the husband represents Christ and since

the wife represents the Church, let there always be, both in him

who commands and in her who obeys, a heaven-born love guiding

them in their respective duties.”

Similarly, the head of the monastic family is said to represent

Christ. To quote the unmistakably plain words of St. Benedict:

“The abbot is believed to hold the place of Christ in the monastery.”

And again : “Let the abbot, since he is considered to represent the

person of Christ, be called Lord and Father . . . out of reverence

and love of Christ.” Then, there immediately follows this admoni-

tion: “Let him (the abbot) be mindful of this and show himself to

be worthy of this honor.” How fittingly that admonition should also

be applied to the father of the family. He, too, should ever be mind-

ful of the fact that he represents Christ at the head of his family,

and should strive zealously to show himself worthy of that honor.

One might well think that St. Benedict, who showed such great

familiarity with the Sacred Scriptures, definitely had the fifth

chapter of St. Paul to the Ephesians in mind when he wrote about

the abbot. At any rate, we have in his teaching here the key prin-

ciple to the entire ordering of the monastic community. The abbot

represents Christ in the midst of the religious members of the

community or family
;
the latter are to submit to him as to Christ.

It suggests the abbot’s norm of conduct, his rule of life. He is, in

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the measure possible to human frailty, to reproduce in his life and

in the discharge of his official duties the person and actions of

Jesus Christ. And it suggests, in turn, the norm that should guide

the monks in their relationship with him. He represents Christ as

their superior.

So, too, should the father of the family, then in the measure

possible to human frailty, seek to reproduce in his life and in the

discharge of his duties the person and actions of Jesus Christ.

We discussed at some length in another conference what was im-

plied by the fact that the father was the representative of Christ

at the head of the home. We found that it involved three offices, that

of teaching his children their religion or their relations with God,

that of mediating for them with God and that of sanctifying them.

Those were the three great priestly offices of Christ
;
they are the

offices of the father of the family as representative of Christ in

the home.

Similarly are those three the offices of the superior of a Benedic-

tine community. The abbot must see to it that his monks are trained

in the religious life. Thus we find, that in his Rule St. Benedict

refers to the monastery as a “School of the Lord’s service.” So,

too, must he, as must the father in the home, pray for and sanctify

his children, the members of the monastic family. He has pastoral

care of them. Hence, it is not surprising that St. Benedict, in

referring to the relations of the abbot to the members of the

monastic family, constantly used such words as “pastor,” “flock,”

“sheep.”

Analogous Religious Practices

Up to this point we have contrasted several important funda-

mentals of the human and the monastic families. There is no ques-

tion that there is much similarity between the two with regard

to them.

Next, by way of a further comparison between the two, let us

briefly consider the religious customs and practices of the two

types of families. You will recall that St. John Chrysostom re-

ferred to the home as a church in miniature. St. Benedict, who was

almost a contemporary of his, used a very similar expression in

speaking of the monastery. He referred to it as “the house of God.”

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And, in doing so, he obviously applied the term, not merely to the

chapel or abbey church, but to the monastic institution as such.

The official or public worship of the Church—the offering of the
Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, the recitation of the divine office, the

administration of the sacraments, and the conduct of certain ap-

proved devotions—normally takes place in the church edifice rather
than in the home or in the monastery. But there are also many

religious practices and devotions suited to the family hearth. And

similarly are there many that are suited to the monastic home. As

a matter of fact, many are found in both today. Still others might

very fittingly be there. Here again, then, we find a similarity be-

tween the two groups.

The Sacramentals

Take, for instance, the large field of the sacramentals, or the

so-called “little sacraments.” We saw that many of these are used

in the family home. But great numbers of these are also entirely

in place in the monastery. Such are, for instance
;
the use of holy

water
;
the making of the sign of the cross before beginning a task

or prayer
;
the use of blessed medals

;
the presence of blessed evi-

dences of religion such as crucifixes, pictures, and statues
;
the

ordinary blessing given a house; the special blessing given it on

Epiphany or within the octave of the feast.

Still more important, in this connection, are the church’s bless-

ings for individuals. Some of these, too, are in place in the

monastery no less than in the human family. In speaking earlier

of this regarding the home, reference was made, for instance, to

the parental blessing. This consists of the practice of parents bless-

ing their children, particularly before they retire in the evening

and before they go on any considerable journey. The equivalent of

this practice is far from unknown in monasteries. Thus, it is

customary for the member of the community, whenever he leaves

to go on a journey and when he returns to present himself to the

abbot, or his more immediate superior representing him, to ask for

the blessing. So, too, it is the custom, when the monastic family

has completed compline and night prayers in chapel, for the abbot,

after having accepted the aspergillum from one of the brethren, to

sprinkle the assembled family members with holy water and give

them the final blessing of the day.

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Daily Prayers and Devotions in Common

Perhaps it is hardly necessary to state that there is also an

analogy between the two types of families under consideration,

insofar as a variety of prayers and devotions or other spiritual

practices that can be said or performed in common are concerned.

Prayers before and after meals, morning and evening prayers,

prayerful remembrance of deceased members of the family, prayers

for the absent members, the reading of the Scriptures or other

spiritual books at table, are examples of this. Such practices are

all in place no less in the “house of God” that is the monastery

than in the “church in miniature” that is the family home. What

differences may exist between the two are found in the extent of

their use rather than in their suitability or unsuitability for use in

either group. True, they may often take a somewhat different form

in the two groups, but that does not detract from their fundamental

likeness.

Home Altar or Shrine

The monastic family will, of course, have its chapel or abbey

church, or both, for carrying out many of its religious exercises

in common. It might be recalled here, that in past history there

were families that had their own chapels and even their own

chaplains and regular services in the home. As a matter of fact,

some still have. But this is far more exceptional than common.

What can be generally expected is that the family has at least a

small altar or shrine in the home, a place for the family members

to pray.

Family Group in Church

The family unit also deserves consideration insofar as religious

services or devotional practices in the Church are concerned. As

the members of the monastic family customarily participate as a

group in devotions in chapel, so should parents and children par-

ticipate together, insofar as that is feasible, in the services of their

parish church. In the monastery, for instance, there is a daily con-

ventual Mass. This is a community Mass for all the members of

the monastic family. The members of a family, too, should assist

at Mass and receive Communion as a unit. While this is actually

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not a very common practice today, it is being encouraged and is

happily showing some growth. It should be still further encouraged.

The closer the resemblance between the human and monastic family

in this regard, surely the better.

And so there are still other ways in which there is a considerable

likeness between the monastic and the human family. For instance,

mention has been made of the home as a school of the virtues. The

same term could also well be applied to the monastery. There is

constant opportunity in it for the practice of the virtues.

Actual Practice

But, rather than pursue that subject further, let us turn our

attention for a short time yet to the fact that, in spite of all the

similarities that exist, there remains a rather noteworthy difference

in practice
;
that is, in the actual living of the two types of families.

Making due allowance for exceptions, I think it can safely be con-

tended that, taking the two generally, monastic family life is being

lived on a considerably higher plane today than is the domestic.

And naturally the question arises, why is that the case? Why is

there such dissimilarity in practice when there is otherwise so

much and such similarity.

I think it very probable that the answer can in great part be

found in several religious practices or customs that have not yet

been mentioned. These are practices found in monastic families

but not found, or only found to a limited extent, in human families

today. One of these practices is the annual spiritual retreat. Another

is the religious novitiate. A third is the renewal of the religious

vows. These are quite universally found in religious life and have

unquestionably proved their great value to that type of life. Hence

another question presents itself : would not these practices also have

value for the Christian family ? There is no doubt whatever that the

answer is in the affirmative. Introduced to family life, suitably

adapted to its needs, they would undoubtedly serve to bring about

a big advance in the elimination of the difference that exists in the

actual living of the two groups.

The Novitiate

A novitiate is a sort of apprenticeship for religious life. As
novices, candidates for a religious order are taught the principles

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of ascetical life. They are also taught, both in theory and in practice

the rule of life under which they are to live if they eventually be-

come members of the community. In other words, the period of

training and trial that it involves, implies a careful preparation

for the life ahead.

Is it too much to say that something of this nature should also

be provided for those who enter the married state? It need not be

called a novitiate—though actually the word has at least occasion-
ally been used in this connection. But it should be something

reasonably equivalent to the period of preparation and training

that is implied by that term. In other words, candidates for the

sacrament of matrimony should receive a careful and thorough-

going preparation for the state of life they are entering upon. Thus,

they should be made thoroughly acquainted with the fundamentals

of Christian marriage and family living. They should be given a

grasp of the spiritual aspects of family relationships that should

help them to make of their future homes schools of the Lord’s

service and of the Christian virtues. They should be taught the

religious practices that would enable them to make of them churches

in miniature.

The writer is, of course, not unaware that very substantial be-

ginnings have been made in this regard. Marriage preparation

courses and forums, showing among other things the spiritual

aspects of Christian marriage, have been enjoying an increasingly

rapid growth over the past two decades and more, both in and

outside of school. But a still greater extension of these is needed.

This is mentioned because the retreatants may be able to do some-

thing to help this cause, either through personal efforts in their

own homes or through the promotion of organized efforts outside

of their homes.

The Spiritual Retreat

The spiritual retreat, the second practice referred to is also found

universally in monastic and religious life. And, like the novitiate, it

has also proved its genuine spiritual value. It is meant to be a

spiritual refresher, a means for the consistent renewal of the

spiritual life of the religious. That is, it affords the monk or friar

or other religious a special opportunity to recall the spiritual

aspects of the state of life to which he has vowed himself and to

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renew his determination to keep his own life in religion ordered

in accordance with the ideals that were his when he entered upon it.

Now, that is something that should not be denied the family,

but that should regularly be provided for it where it is at all

feasible. It might very fittingly be called, as we have called it here

these days, a family retreat. And it should, of course be adapted to

the family’s peculiar needs. That is, it should focus the marriage

partners’ attention on the spiritual bases of married life, the divinely

ordained purposes of marriage and the family, the deeper spiritual

aspects of the relationships of family members, the virtues that can

and should be practiced day by day within the family circle, and

the religious practices that have been found particularly suited to

the home. In a word, it should be made to serve as a medium

through which the varied possibilities for sanctification through

Christian family living can be clearly brought to their attention.

There is no question that there is need for this type of retreat

for married couples today. Husbands and wives, fathers and moth-

ers, no less than members of monastic or other religious families

are tempted to grow lax. They are faced with the danger of weak-

ening spiritually, of getting into a rut, of giving their attention

perhaps too exclusively to temporal affairs. In other words, they

need the repeated spiritual renovation that a family retreat offers

them. Indeed, it is quite conceivable that a retreat may be a greater

need for the married today than for religious. The attention of the

former is almost necessarily taken up more with the cares of the

world than is that of the former. Furthermore the married are more

directly and extensively than religious subjected to the distractions

and temptations of the tumultuous world about them. Should any-

one doubt the greater need on their part he might well recall the

fact that many have in our day been misled by false doctrines and

have been weakened and even swept off their feet by the selfish

and perverted marriage ethics of the times. If any can in some way

help meet this need, it will be a most useful thing to do so.

Renewal of Promises

Finally, there is the third means of spiritual renovation for the

married that was mentioned; namely, the renewal of the nuptial

promises. It is customary for religious to renew their vows reg-

ularly. Particularly is this done in conjunction with their annual

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retreat. Surely there should be no valid reason why married couples

should not also renew their sacred promises to each other at reg-

ular intervals. On the contrary, there is every reason why they

should do so. As a matter of fact, the practice has taken root of

recent years and is presently enjoying a vigorous growth. You

shall see what this renewal consists in when we have it at our

closing family holy hour.

Conclusion

The religious family analogy is a reality. That stands beyond all

doubt. But at the same time there is a real difference in practice

between the two types of family, the monastic and the domestic.

About that, too, there seems little room for doubt. All in all, the

former is living at a lower spiritual level than is the latter. That

presents a situation that clamors for correction. In fact, it might

well be said that there is most pressing need in our day that hus-

bands and wives, fathers and mothers, live more faithfully in

harmony with the spiritual aspects of the Christian family pattern

after which the monastic family is modeled. The practices we have

just mentioned—careful preparation for marriage, the family re-
treat, the renewal of the marriage promises—should go far toward
meeting that need. Hence their promotion should stand as a chal-

lenge to all who revere the Christian family. Retreatants who feel

they can help further them in any way, might fittingly make a spe-

cial retreat resolution to do so. They may rest assured they will

be doing something that will be of a great help to others, and at

the same time that will prove to the advantage of both Church

and society.

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