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Bride
JLis^jy

Groom

Very Bev. Kerins Seininlei, O.T.M Caj.





For Bride And Groom

A

Pre-Nuptial Instruction

based on

the Encyclical Letter of Pope Pius XI

Casti Connubii, December 31, 1930

OUR SUNDAY VISITOR LIBRARY

HUNTINGTON, INDIANA

By

Very Rev. Nerius Semmler, O.F.M. CAP.



Nihil obstat:

Edmund Kramer, O.F.M. Cap.

Pacificus Raith, O.F.M, Cap., Cens. dep.

Imprimi potest:

Cyprian Abler, O.F.M. Cop,

Min. prov.

Nihil obstat:

John A. Schulien, S.T.D.

Censor librorum

Imprimatur:

•i* Moses E. Kiley,

Archiepiscopus Milwaukiensis

Published in the U. S. A.

by Our Sunday Visitor

Huntington, Indiana

May 15, 1950

Deadt^ed



Introduction

Reverend Father—“For Bride and Groom” is oflFered to serve

as a guide for the priest whose duty it is to give the pre-nuptial

instruction. It is not meant to supplant those excellent works

which treat the subject at length.

The first purpose of “For Bride and Groom” is to place into

the hands of the priest the matter, ready-made and handy in

form, which otherwise he would have to draw laboriously from

other sources. He may restrict his oral instruction to the contents

of this booklet with the conviction that httle of importance will

remain unsaid; or he may select what in his opinion is deserving

of special emphasis. The quotations in small print are meant

to substantiate and fortify the statements which precede.

Besides, “For Bride and Groom” is intended for the couple

itself. It is suggested that a copy be given to each of the couple

by the pastor when they come to make the arrangements for the

banns. The instruction proper may well take place about a week

or so before the wedding—the day preceding the wedding is not

the most opportune time. We know that the preparations for

the festivity limit the time allotted for the instruction, and at the

same time occupy the minds of the people to such an extent as

to leave little time for anything else. Having read “For Bride

and Groom,” satisfied their curiosity, and discussed the matter,

they will feel more at ease when they present themselves for the

instruction, and will also be in a more receptive mood at a time

when the big day is still some distance off.

Nor need we fear that the sensibilities of the young people

will be shocked by the booklet placed in their hands. The present-

day access to all kinds of information precludes a danger which

was real fifty years ago. Furthermore, if necessity, such as lack

of time, dictate an abbreviated instruction, the pastor has the

consoling assurance that the couple, having read the booklet,

possesses the knowledge which the Church expects them to have.

“For Bride and Groom” will also be of use to them in the future,

and may be read with profit by others, already married.



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Foreword

dear Young People: You plan to enter the matrimonial

state. It is your firm conviction that by so doing you act in

harmony with the holy will of God. To marry is a most serious

step as it has far-reaching consequences. Your entire future,

temporal and eternal, hinges on this imdertaking.

In the pursuit of happiness which you hope to find in this

new state, you may not sacrifice your own spiritual welfare nor

that of the children with whom it may please God to bless you.

The love which at present you bear for one another, however

sincere and strong it may be, after all is a human thing and

therefore weak and perishable. As good Christians you found

your home upon Christ through the sacrament of Matrimony.

This assures you of God’s blessing and aid. Preserve this blessing!

It will give enduring strength to your love and security and firm-

ness to your home.

Today many evil influences are at work, and many a home

has fallen victim to them. Modern, pagan ideas, opposed to the

laws of God and the Church threaten to rob you of that blessing

and destroy the home you are planning. If today you cherish

the hope that your home will be an abode of abiding peace and

happiness, if you are resolved to secure the salvation of your

own souls and of those for whom you will have assumed respon-

sibility, then let Christian principles govern your family life. This

will indeed entail sacrifices, but rest assured that far from having

been made in vain, they will bear abundant fruit for years to come.

A home without God, a god-less home, is fike the house built

on sand. Jesus tells us that it cannot withstand the storms. Sooner

or later it will collapse and bury in its ruins those who are within.

But a home in which God’s holy will and the laws of the Church

are the guiding norms, a home imbued with a truly Christian

spirit, whose model and pattern is the Holy Family of Nazareth,

will stand. Holiness, peace and happiness will dwell and abide

therein.



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For Bride And Groom

A Pre-Nuptial Instruction

INTRODUCTION; Why this instruction? In the first place,

because it is the will and tlie law of the Church. “The pastor

shall instruct the spouses, with due regard to their condition,

on the sanctity of the sacrament of matrimony, on the mutual

obligations of husband and wife and on the duties of parents

towards their children” (Can. 1033; Rt. Rom. Tit. VII, C.l No. 14).

Pope Pius XI regarded matrimony of such importance as to

issue an encyclical letter on “Christian Marriage.” ^^^He called

it the “principle and foundation of domestic society.” The reason

which prompted the Encyclical was that men should “learn the

true doctrine of Christ regarding matrimony,” and “that Christian

spouses shape all their ways of thinking and of acting in con-

formity with that pure law of Christ, so as to obtain true peace

and happiness for themselves and for their families.”

The matrimonial state, being a new state of life for the

couple, brings with it new duties, obligations and problems—

a

new way of living. “It is indeed of the utmost importance that the

faithful be well instructed concerning matrimony, and this both

by word of mouth and by the written word.” (110). Therefore

this instruction.

The Pope points out a second reason for this instruction:

the sad and distressing fact that to-day so many “false principles,”

“abominable opinions” and “pernicious errors” regarding the

pure law of Christ are being taught, and this “not secretly nor

under cover, but openly with all sense of shame put aside,” in

many kinds of writing, on the stage, in the movies, by broadcasts

and every other possible means. He expresses his grief that “such

a pious ordinance of divine goodness, should today, and on every

side, be frustrated, and trampled upon by the passions, errors,

(1) All references and quotations are taken from the encyclical letter of Pope
Pius XI on Christian Marriage (Casti Connubii), December 31, 1930, as given
in “Social Wellsprings” by Joseph Husslein, S.J., The Bruce Publishing Co.,
Milwaukee, Wis., 1943.



8 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

and vices of men.” And because the "latter-day subverters of

marriage are entirely devoted to misleading the minds of men

and corrupting their hearts, to making a mockery of matrimonial

purity and extolling the filthiest of vices by means of books and

pamphlets and other innumerable methods,” he calls on the

“bishops and priests” to "oppose error by truth, vice by the

excellent digPity of chastity.”

We quote from the Encyclical:

A great number of men, forgetful of that divine work of re-
demption, either entirely ignore or shamelessly deny the great

sanctity of Christian wedlock, or even, relying on the false prin-

ciples of a new and utterly perverse morality, too often trample

it under foot. And . . . these most pernicious errors and depraved

morals have begun to spread even amongst the faithful themselves

and are gradually gaining ground.

For today alas, not secretly nor under cover, but openly, with

all sense of shame put aside, now by word, again by writings, by

theatrical productions of every kind, by romantic fiction, by amorous

and frivolous novels, by cinematographs portraying in vivid scene,

in addresses, broadcasts by means of the radio, in short by all the

inventions of modern science, the sanctity of marriage is trampled

upon and derided (46).

These thoughts are instilled to men of every class, rich and

poor, masters and workers, lettered and unlettered, married and

single, the godly and godless, old and young, but for these last, as

easiest prey, the worst snares are laid (47).

Thus the pre-nuptial instruction is a duty resting on the

pastor, and at the same time it is to the interest of bride and

groom to enter their new state of life in full possession of the

knowledge which that state requires. The instruction deals with

The Nature of Matrimony and The Duties of the Married.



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 9

1. NATURE OF MATRIMONY

1 Matrimony is Sacred

|Sy|OT a few people entertain low and sensual ideas of marriage,

both unworthy of the sacred state and an insult to every

pure-minded man and woman. In the eyes of the State matrimony

is merely a civil contract, like any other contract entered upon

by men and governed by man-made laws. The Church says;

Matrimony is a sacred thing; sacred in origin, in purpose and

as a sacrament.

a) Sacred in Origin. Matrimony was instituted by God.

“Matrimony is of its very nature of divine institution.” Contrary

to the modern idea, we hold “as an immutable and inviolable,

fundamental doctrine, that matrimony was not instituted or re-

stored by man, but by God.”

Even by the light of reason alone it is sufficiently obvious that

there is a certain sacredness and religious character attaching

even to the purely natural union of man and woman . . . since it

has God for its author . . . This sacredness of marriage arises from

the divine origin we have just mentioned, from its purpose which

is the begetting and education of children for God, and the binding

of man and wife to God through Christian love and mutual support.

It is evident that God established matrimony and the family.

God led Eve to Adam and blessed them saying, “Increase and

multiply.” (Gen. 2, 22; 1,28). As God is the author of matrimony,

so also are the fundamental laws which govern matrimony not

made by man but by God. Hence no human authority, neither

civil nor ecclesiastical, nor the contracting parties, can set them

aside or change them. “Once a person has contracted marriage

he is thereby subject to its divinely made laws and its essential

properties.”

Let it be repeated as an immutable and inviolable, funda-

mental doctrine, that matrimony was not instituted or restored by

man but by God, not by men were the laws made to strengthen

and confirm and elevate it but by God, the Author of nature and by

Christ our Lord by whom nature was redeemed. Hence these laws
cannot be subject to any human decrees or to any contrary pact

even of the spouses themselves.

The essential order of the domestic society is founded on some-



10 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

thing higher than human authority and wisdom, namely the author-

ity and wisdom of God, and so not changeable by public laws or

at the pleasure of private individuals.

Husband and wife will find comfort in the thought that not

blind chance, but the guiding hand of Divine Providence has

brought theni together; that the hand of the heavenly Father will

lead and guide and protect them as long as they render them-

selves worthy of that divine guidance and protection.

b) Sacred in Purpose. A sacred thing must have a sacred

purpose. Those who enter this state moved mainly by the hope

of pleasure and enjoyment, will meet bitter disappointment.

Family life does indeed offer pure innocent joys. God’s wisdom

has arranged it so in order to render the state attractive, also to

offset and ease the burden and hardships that go with that state.

However, these enjoyments must never be sought as the main

end of marriage.

The purpose of marriage is twofold: First, the child and its

education, second, the mutual sanctification of the spouses.

(1) The Child. “The primary purpose of marriage is the pro-

creation and education of children, and the secondary purposes

are the mutual aid and allaying of concupiscence” (can. 1013).

“Amongst tlie blessings of marriage, the child holds the first place.”

The young couple may be compared to two birds building their

nest. The nest is not meant for the parent-birds, but the baby-

birds. The home is built around the cradle—its center.

It is easily seen how great a gift of divine goodness and how

remarkable a fruit of marriage are children born by the omnipo-

tent power of God through the cooperation of those bound in

wedlock.

Giving life to a human being, and leading this child to God

Who has given it, is both a noble work and a sacred parental

duty. As the Holy Father puts it: “Transmitting life makes parents

the ministers, as it were, of the divine omnipotence.” Parenthood

is the great privilege of sharing God’s creative powers.

Thus amongst the blessings of marriage, the child holds the

first place. And indeed the Creator of the human race Himself,

Who in His goodness wished to use men as His helpers in the

propagation of life thought this when, instituting marriage in

Paradise, He said to our first parents and through them to all



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 11

future spouses, “Increase and multiply and fill the earth” (Gen. 1,

28). As St. Augustine admirably deduces from the words of the

holy Apostle St. Paul to Timothy when he says; “I wish young

girls to marry.” And, as if someone said to him “Why?” im-

mediately adds: “To bear children, to be mothers of families” (I

Tim. 6, 14).

The Pope adds this solemn warning:

Since the duty entrusted to parents for the good of their

children is of such a truly high dignity and of such great impor-

tance, every use of the faculty given by God for the procreation

of new life is the right and the privilege of the married state alone,

by the law of God and of nature, and must be confined absolutely

within the sacred limits of that state.

The child does indeed demand much care, work and sacrifice.

At the time it radiates joy, and cheer and happiness. It gives

sunshine and light to the home. The big days, the “red letter

days” which brighten family life are events in the life of the child:

Birth and Baptism, First Holy Communion, Graduation, Wedding.

After their own wedding day the parents have few such events

to look forward to in> their own lives. Unconsciously, the child

performs also a glorious mission: It brings father and mother

closer together, who love one another in the child; it draws out

those beautiful qualities which lie dormant in the heart and mind

of the man and woman, to make those noble-minded, self-sac-

rificing fathers and mothers whom we justly admire. The child

is indeed a most precious gift of God.

These considerations alone (aside from others) involve those

couples in a most grievous wrong, and a mistake no less serious

who, from the very outset, exclude children from their homes. They

will experience a distressing void in heart and home, since they

alone are not sufficient to appease that inborn desire for happiness

which they sought and anticipated in the married state.

The other primary end of matrimony is the education of the

child. The education of the children is the parents’ right and

duty. “The most wise God would have failed to make sufficient

provision for children that had been born, and so for the whole

race, if He had not given to those to whom He had entrusted the

power and right to beget them, the power .also and the right to

educate them.” Father and mother assume with the child the

obligations of procuring its physical well-being and the sacred



12 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

duty of educating it “for God,” making it a “perfect man and a

perfect Christian.” A child deprived of proper education is ex-

posed to many dangers, the most serious of which is that of missing

its eternal destiny. A grave responsibility for the parents!

Now it is certain that both by the law of nature and of God

this right and duty of educating their offspring belongs in the

first place tb those who began the work of nature by giving them

birth, and they are indeed forbidden to leave unfinished this work

and to expose it to certain ruin. But in matrimony provision

has been made in the best possible way for this education of chil-

dren that is so necessary, for since the parents are bound together

by an indissoluble bond, the care and mutual help of each is always

at hand.

Both husband and wife, however, receiving these children with

joy and gratitude from the hand of God, will regard them as a

talent committed to their charge by God, not only to be employed

to their own advantage or for that of an earthly commonwealth,

but to be restored to God with interest on the day of reckoning.

God wishes men to be born not only that they should live

and fill the earth, but much more that they may be worshippers

of God, that they may know Him and love Him and finally enjoy

Him forever in heaven.

The Pope observes that the most wise God conferred upon

the parents the right to educate children, for they are incapable

of providing wholly for themselves, even in the matters pertaining

to their natural life, and much less in those pertaining to the

supernatural, but require for many years to be helped, instructed

and educated by others.

Christian parents must also understand that they are destined

not only to propagate and preserve the human race on earth,

indeed not only to educate any kind of worshippers of the true

God, but children who are to become members of the Church of

Christ, to raise up citizens with the Saints and members of God’s

household, that the worshippers of God and our Saviour may daily

increase.

(2) Mutual Sanctification. As the matrimonial state oflFers a

remedy for those natural desires which lead to many sins, these

temptations and inclinations lose much of their danger and force.

For this reason St. Paul advises: “Let each man have his own

wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” (I Cor. 7,2).

This will be a most consoling thought in the evening of life: “I

have never been an occasion of grievous sin to the partner whom



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 13

God has given me.” By their mutual good example they make

smooth the path for a truly Christian life and make the practice

of virtue easier for one another. Mutual sacrifices render the

burden of family fife and family crosses lighter. They share the

responsibilities in the education of the children; they are united

in prayer; in trials they find comfort and courage in their holy,

pure, disinterested love. Thus Christian spouses go through fife,

helping, encouraging one another, sharing whatever life brings,

and become instrumental in each other’s sanctification and salva-

tion. Pope Pius XI put it this way:

This outward expression of love in the home demands not

only mutual help but must go further; must have as its primary

purpose that man and wife help each other day by day in forming

and perfecting themselves in the interior life,—so that through
their partnership in life they may advance ever more and more

in virtue, and above all that they may grow in true love of God

and their neighbor, on which indeed “depend the whole law and

the prophets.”

This mutual interior molding of husband and wife, this de-

termined effort to perfect each other, can in a very real sense,

as the Roman Catechism teaches, be said to be the chief reason

and purpose of matrimony, provided matrimony be looked at not

in the restricted sense, as instituted for the proper conception

and education of the child, but more widely, as the blending of life

as a whole and mutual interchange and sharing thereof (24).

c) Sacred as a Sacrament. Jesus, Mary and the Apostles

attended the wedding at Cana. Jesus even added cheer and joy

to the occasion by working a miracle. St. Paul, who says beautiful

things about the state of virginity (I Cor. c.7,) speaks no less

beautifully about matrimony, which he calls a “great mystery”

(Ephes. 5,32; Hebr. 13,4). He compares the union between

Christian spouses to the mystical union which exists between

Christ and the Church, His spouse. Pope Pius XI calls matrimony

“the hving image of the most fruitful union of Christ and His

Church.” Matrimony is sacred because of its Divine origin and

noble purpose, but a special sacredness was conferred upon it

by Christ, Who elevated that natural union and contract to the

dignity of a sacrament (can. 1012). “Christ the Lord, by raising

the matrimony of His faithful to the dignity of a true sacrament

of the New Law, made it a sign and a source of that pecuhar



14 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

grace by which it perfects natural love, it confirms an indissoluble

union and sanctifies both man and wife.”

The recipients enter a holy state. Like the sacrament of Holy

Orders and the Profession of religious, the Sacrament of matrimony

sets the spouses aside for the sacred and important duties pecuHar

to their state of life.

For, as St. Augustine teaches, just as by Baptism and Holy

Orders a man is set aside and assisted either for the duties of the

Christian life or for the priestly office and is never deprived of their

sacramental aid, almost in the same way (although not by a sac-

ramental character), the faithful, once joined by marriage ties,

can never be deprived of the help and binding force of the sacra-

ment.

As they are united and bound for life by the sacrament so

also are they assured of its graces and help for life. The sacra-

mental graces accompany the spouses through life, and being

applied at the time of need, aid in their mutual sanctification.

‘Tf doing all that lies within their power, they cooperate diligently,

they will be able with ease to bear the burdens of their state and

to fulfill their duties. By such a sacrament they will be strength-

ened, sanctified and in a manner consecrated.”

By the very fact, therefore, that the faithful with sincere

mind give such consent, they open up for themselves a treasure

of sacramental grace from which they draw supernatural power for

the fulfilling of their rights and duties faithfully, holily, persever-

ingly even unto death.

Hence this sacrament not only increases sanctifying grace, the

permanent principle of the supernatural life in those who, as the

expression is, place no obstacle (obex) in its way, but also adds

particular gifts, dispositions, seeds of grace, by elevating and per-

fecting the natural powers.

By these gifts the parties are assisted not only in understand-

ing but in knowing intimately, in adhering to firmly, in willing

effectively, and in successfully putting into practice those things

which pertain to the marriage state, its aims and duties, and giving

them, in fine, the right to the actual assistance of grace, whenso-

ever they need it for fulfilling the duties of their state.

Beautiful and appropriate ceremonies surround the reception

of the sacrament of matrimony by which the Church impresses

us with the sacredness of this union. It is preceded by a thorough



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 15

investigation on the part of the pastor to assure the absence of

any impediment. The ceremony itself takes place in the house

of God, and, by a special privilege in favor of the bride, at the

altar, in connection with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. The

Proper Prayers of the Mass—“Pro Sponso et Sponsa,” “for Groom

and Bride”—are one prolonged petition for God’s blessing. Twice

the priest interrupts the Holy Sacrifice—a rare thing— first to bestow

the “Nuptial or Bridal Blessing,” and then again for the final

blessing towards the end of the Mass. The spouses receive Holy

Communion during Mass. All of these ceremonies manifest the

mind of the Church as considering matrimony “a great mystery”

(Ephes. 5,32).

Matrimony being a sacrament of the living demands a worthy

reception, that is one should be in the state of grace. How could

we expect God to bless the union of those who are neither “well

disposed nor well prepared”, and receive the sacrament in the

state of sin? A General Confession is advisable as a fitting close

of the years of childhood and youth. It will also render any future

General Confession so much easier.

Let those who are about to enter on married life, approach

that state well disposed and well prepared, so that they will be

able as far as they can, to help each other in sustaining the vicis-

situdes of life, and yet more in attending to their eternal salvation,

and in forming the inner man into fulness of the image of Christ.

It will also help them, if they behave towards their cherished off-

spring as God wills: that is, that the father be truly a father

and the mother truly a mother.

The Form of Marriage. Because Matrimony is a sacrament,

the Church prescribes the “form” to be observed by those who

receive it. The form of marriage means that a Catholic can con-

tract a valid marriage only before a duly authorized bishop or

priest and two (Catholic) witnesses. A Catholic cannot enter a

valid marriage before a minister or civil magistrate. It is under-

stood that this law of the Church does not apply to non-Catholics.

In two rare cases a Catholic is allowed to marry before two

witnesses without a priest assisting: 1) In danger of death, when

a priest cannot be had without a great inconvenience; 2) not in

danger of death, when a priest cannot be had for one month

(can. 1094).



16 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

2 Characteristics of Matrimony

The two fundamental properties of Christian matrimony

which are closely connected with each other are Unity and Indis-

solubility. Both are rooted in the sacrament (can. 1013), but they

are also properties of the non-sacramental, purely natural marriage

as willed and instituted by God.

a) Unity. “Marriage is a conjugal union of a particular man

and woman.” Unity then means that a husband may have but one

lawful wife living, and a wife can have but one lawful husband

living.

Conjugal faith, or honor, demands in the first place the com-

plete unity of matrimony which the Creator Himself laid down

in the beginning when He wished it to be not otherwise than

between one man and one woman.

The dignity and purpose of the Sacrament demands unity.

If contrary conditions were to prevail, woman would be degraded

and reduced to a mere tool of man. The training and education

of children would be seriously handicapped. That noble self-

sacrificing love, “true and solid love which is the basis of conjugal

happiness” would become impossible.

With reason, therefore, does the sacred Council of Trent sol-

emnly declare: Christ Our Lord very clearly taught that in this

bond two persons only are to be united and joined together when

He said: “Therefore they are no longer two but one flesh” (20).

Nor did Christ our Lord wish only to condemn any form of

polygamy or polyandry, as they are called, whether successive or

simultaneous, and every other external dishonorable act, but, in

order that the sacred bonds of marriage may be guarded abso-

lutely inviolate. He forbade also even wilful thoughts and de-

sires of such like things: “But I say to you that anyone who even

looks with lust at a woman has already committed adultery with

her in his heart;” which words of Christ Our Lord cannot be

annulled even by the consent of one of the partners of marriage, for

they express a law of God and of nature which no will of man

can break or bend.

This unity assures lasting interests in one another, the chil-

dren and the family; it combines the wills of the spouses to v^ork

for the common welfare. Matrimony even “joins and knits together

the souls” into a spiritual unit, so that they no longer are two but



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 17

1

one. This makes Christian marriage “entirely diflFerent from the

union of animals” and raises it above those unions which go by

the name of marriage but are “far removed from it.” Therefore,

the Holy Father admonishes: “Those about to marry should show

a holy reverence toward it and zealously endeavor to make their

marriage approach as nearly as possible to the archetype of Christ

and the Church” (84).

b) Indissolubility. By this we understand that a valid mar-

riage, be it a natural or a sacramental marriage, cannot be dissolved

by any human authority, civil or ecclesiastical. The same reasons

which make unity of marriage a necessity, namely, the spiritual

and material welfare of the parents, children and family, demand

that this union be for life—“till death do us part.” “It is hardly

necessary to point out what an amount of good is involved in the

absolute indissolubility of wedlock.” The assurance of a life-long

union gives man and woman a sense of “safety and security”

necessary for surrender of self and all that matrimony demands.

As the Holy Father expresses it: “Both husband and wife posses

a positive guarantee of the endurance of the stability which that

generous yielding of their persons and intimate fellowship of their

hearts by their nature strongly require, since true love never falls

away,” a guarantee of that “generous surrender of his own person

made to another for the whole span of life.”

This life-long union wonderfully strengthens the good will of

husband and wife for mutual cooperation and sacrifice. “It is a

fruitful source of virtuous life and of habits of integrity.” It helps

husband and wife to be faithful and loyal to each other. It removes

the fear “of adversity of old age,” anxiety about future children

and makes possible their proper training. It banishes many

occasions for discord, quarrels and jealousy, above all it preserves

the dignity of woman who is assured of a position of honor in the

home and in society, who otherwise would become, as among

the pagans, the mere “instrument of man.”

Hence it is clear that marriage even in the state of nature

and certainly long before it was raised to the dignity of a sacra-

ment was divinely instituted in such a way that it should carry

with it a perpetual and indissoluble bond which cannot therefore

be dissolved by any law.

Therefore, although the sacramental element may be absent
from a marriage as in the case among unbelievers, still in such

a marriage, inasmuch as it is a true marriage, there must remain



18 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

and indeed there does remain that perpetual bond which by divine

right is so bound up with matrimony from its first institution that

it is not subject to any civil power.

(a) Divorce. In the foregoing the attitude of the Church

towards a divorce is made clear. The Church does not recognize

the right which the State claims of dissolving a lawful marriage,

or granting a separation to husband and wife which implies the

permission of entering another marriage. The Church does not

claim the right for herself, and denies to the State “the power to

grant a divorce” in the sense stated. It has always been her teach-

ing that the contract of a valid marriage “may not be destroyed by

any human authority.” The Pope clearly states: “Matrimony is

not subject to any civil power,” except in civil matters. “The

matrimonial bond cannot be dissolved by any civil law.” The

“exceptions” to this universal law, viz. “certain natural marriages

between unbelievers, or among Christians in the case of those

marriages which though valid have not been consummated,” are

not made by man but by God through the Church.

“Others, taking a step further, simply state that marriage,

being a private contract is, like other private contracts, to be

left to the consent and good pleasure of both parties, and so can

be dissolved for any reason whatsoever” (90).

“Opposed to all these reckless opinions. Venerable Brethren,

stands the unalterable law of God, fully confirmed by Christ, a law

that can never be deprived of its force by the decrees of men, the

ideas of a people or the will of any legislator: “What God

hath joined together, let no man put asunder.” . . . Moreover,

these words refer to every kind of marriage, even that which is

natural and legitimate” (91).

(b) Separation. Matrimony imposes upon the spouses the

grave obligation of cohabitation, i.e. to live together in the same

house as far as possible (can. 1128). However, the Church does

not eompel the eouple to live together under every condition and

circumstance. The Church recognizes the faet that, under certain

conditions, it is lawful and even advisable to separate, at least

for a time. “In certain circumstanees imperfect separation of the

parties is allowed, the bond not being severed. This separation,

which the Church herself permits and expressly mentions in her

Canon Law in those eanons which deal with the separation of

the parties as to material relationship and cohabitation, removes

all the alleged inconveniences and dangers” (cc. 1128—).



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 19

: The reasons which excuse from cohabitation are: Adultery

(can. 1129), if one party joins a non-Catholic sect, gives their

children a non-Catholic education, leads a scandalous and dis-

graceful life, endangers the spiritual or bodily welfare of the other

spouse, cruelty and similar such reasons (can. 1131).

In any of these cases the innocent party appeals to the Bishop

through the pastor (can. 1131). If it is found that there are

sufficient grounds for a temporary separation, permission for it is

granted by the ecclesiastical authority. In case the reasons are

very weighty, e.g., infidelity, permission is given for starting

divorce proceedings, however, always with the understanding that

divorce does not imply freedom to enter a second marriage. “But

to those who are married, not I, but the Lord commands that a

wife is not to depart from her husband, and if she departs, that

she is to remain unmarried or to be reconciled to her husband.

And let not a husband put away his wife” (I Cor. 7,10). Jesus

permits separation, but says to marry again is to “commit adultery”

(Mk. 10.11).

Since separation and divorce bring numerous and grave ills

to the family, expose man and woman to serious moral dangers,

and renders the training and education of the children extremely

difficult, it must be understood that recourse to those measures

is to be had only after all means of bringing about harmonious

Christian life have been exhausted. For the same reason let the

young couple be firm in their mind and resolution, to avoid

scrupulously whatever by its very nature leads to this sad ending

of what had been a happy family life.

Exceptions: To avoid misunderstanding, note:

(1) As to natural marriages i.e., such as exist between non-

baptized persons, there is the so-called Pauline Privilege. This

means that, if either of the couple received baptism, the baptized

party may, under certain conditions, enter a new marriage with

another Catholic party, and by doing so the first marriage is dis-

solved (can. 1120).

(2) There is the case of the non-consummated marriage. As

long as a couple has not made use of the right which marriage

confers, viz. sexual relations, their marriage is considered soluble.

Only when “it has been consummated, the marriage contract has

its full completion, so by the will of God, there is also the greatest



20 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

firmness and indissolubility which may not be destroyed by any

human authority” (can. 1119), (35).

(3) Declaration of Nullity. It may happen that a couple

laboring under an impediment attempt marriage. This “marriage,”

while in reality invalid, has the external appearance of a true and

valid marriage. When the impediment is discovered or becomes

public, the* proper ecclesiastical authorities may either validate

the “marriage” or issue a declaration of nullity, in which case the

parties are free to enter another marriage.—The same holds good

in case the proper “Form of Marriage” has not been observed.

II DUTIES OF THE MARRIED

1 Duties of the Husband

a) Head of the Family. Since the family is composed of

members, there needs must be some one in command. As the

body is ruled by the head, so the family is governed by the

father, the husband, the God-appointed head of the family. St.

Paul says: “I do not allow a woman to teach or to exercise

autliority over men” (I Tim. 2, 12). Yet if the man either shirks

his duty or is not able to exercise authority, the woman, with due

regard for the dignity of the father, governs the family, because

it is better to have her rule than none at all. As the Holy Father

observes: “If the husband neglects his duty, it falls to the wife

to take his place in directing the family” (28).

The important family affairs, however, ought to be discussed

with each other, so as to give both a chance for expressing their

opinion and wishes. In this manner a compromise is reached and

harmony is preserved. The authority of the man must be mingled

with and mellowed by love. “Husbands love your wives just as

Christ also loved the Church . . . Even thus ought husbands also

to love their wives . . . He who loves his wife, loves himself . . .

Let each one of you also love his wife just as he loves himself;

and let the wife respect her husband.” Such are the repeated

admonitions of St. Paul (Ephes. 5, 25—).

Of course, the husband cannot demand anything which is

wrong, sinful, “not in harmony with right reason or with the

dignity due to a wife”.

It is the husband’s duty to establish and preserve order in

the family. He must be careful, for example, about the character

of the friends he introduces into his home. He is responsible for



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 21

the education of the children and must see to it that none but

good papers and other reading matter find their way into the house.

b) Supporters of the Family. The marriage contract is entered

with the understanding that the man support the woman and

children. He accepts the responsibility before God for the bodily

needs of wife and children, as far as lies in his power and in

harmony with his social and financial condition. It is a serious

obligation as the Apostle warns: “If any one does not take care

of his own and especially of his household, he has denied his

faith and is worse than an unbeliever’ (I Tim. 5,8).

Drink has wrecked more homes and brought more unhap-

piness into the lives of good women and innocent children than any

other single vice. A miserable, unhappy life is followed by an

unholy death and severe punishment.

2 Duties of the Wife

a) Respectful Obedience. Christ earned the gratitude of

woman by raising her from the low and disgraceful condition

into which paganism had pushed her: a mere chattel, in the hand

of the father, the slave of her husband. The punishment pro-

nounced by God: “Thou shalt be under thy husband’s power

and he shalDhave domain over thee” (Gen. 3, 16) rested heavily

upon her. Jesus gave indeed the wife and mother a place of

dignity and honor, but still subject to her husband.

As stated before, “the husband is tlie chief of the family

and the head of the wife.” Therefore it becomes the duty of the

wife to render due obedience to her husband. This obedience is not

that of a “servant” but of a “companion” whom God has given

him; it is respectful obedience “as the Church is subject to Christ”

(Ephes. 5, 22), and as the lawful authority of the husband is

tempered by love, so is the obedience of the wife: “Since the

husband represents Christ and since the wife represents the

Church, let there always be, both in him who commands and in

her who obeys, a heaven-born love guiding both their respective

duties.” St. Paul, who tells the wife, “let wives be subject to

their husbands,” also says, “let the wife respect her husband”

(Ephes. 5.21). Of this obedience the Holy Father observes: “This

subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which

fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human

person, and in view of her noble office as wife, mother and com-



22 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

panion”. The respectful obedience demanded from the wife pre-

sumes that the husband be always worthy of the same.

The young wife will do well to practice this obedience from

the very start of her married life, the more so if in the past she

has exercised authority either at home or elsewhere.

Domestic society being confirmed therefore, by this bond of

love, there should flourish in it “order of love,” as St. Augustine

calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with

regard to the wife and children, and the ready subjection of the

wife and her willing obedience which the Apostle commends in

these words: “Let women be subject to their husbands as to the

Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is

the head of the Church” (Ephes. 5, 22).

b) A Good Housekeeper. “If the man is the head, the woman

is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she

may and ought to claim for herself the chief place of love”. As

the woman receives the love of the man and children, so in turn

it is her chief duty and privilege to dispense love to all. It is the

mother above all who gives that delightful warmth and radiates

the joy, contentment and happiness that make a true home. A

loving, pious mother takes her own noble qualities of heart and

mind and transplants them into the child. She duplicates herself,

as it were, in the child. A pious mother draws God’s blessing upon

herself and the family. From her the home receives that beautiful

Christian atmosphere, that purity of air in which the innocence

of the children thrives and flourishes. “Though it suffers the

want and hardships of this valley of tears,” it “becomes for the

ehildren in its way a foretaste of that paradise of delight in which

the Creator placed the first men of the human race”. And when

the sky is overcast and cloudy—every mother is a sorrowful mother

—then the pious mother will not lose courage, she will find comfort

and guidance and strength at the feet of Jesus and the Sorrowful

Mother.

The woman tends to the general household duties in accor-

dance with the financial condition of her husband—not with her

former condition of life. She keeps the house and children clean

and tidy, so as to make the husband feel proud of his home, his

children and his wife.

It is of importance that she be a good cook, able to prepare



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 23

a good and tasty meal with limited means. This is a matter of

thrift. A good eook saves, a poor one squanders much money.

It is no less a matter of health of both parents and children. Sick-

ness may be caused by faulty cooking, and sickness swallows

much of the income in the form of doctor bills, loss of time,

medicine etc., not to mention anxieties and sleepless nights.

Good cooking is not a matter of only thrift and health. Love,

devotion and sacrifice go into preparing a good, home-cooked

meal. A prudent, loving husband will not fail to take notice of

this; nor must he consider it beneath his dignity to give expression

to his appreciation and satisfaction. Many men take too much

for granted on the part of their wives, and do not give due credit

to their work, efforts and sacrifices.

Few quarrels start at a well-set table. Many a little unpleasant

occurrence will evaporate and disappear in the appetizing odors

of a favorite dish. If conditions dictate economy, then let super-

fluities be sacrificed—the table must be the last place to feel the

pinch.

In case the young woman lacks the desired knowledge or

experience, let her learn the art of cooking. The time spent in

training herself to become an expert cook is an investment which

will bear bountiful interest in comfort, health and happiness for

many years to come.

Economy is of vital importance for the newly married. It

is unwise on the part of a young couple to presume to be able

to start where their parents left off. It is likewise a poor policy

to begin married life with a heavy debt caused by purchasing

things one can do without. Sickness, adverse working conditions

and the like may cut or even stop the income entirely and pay-

ments will become increasingly difficult—a most discouraging out-

look for young people. Restrictions, even poverty willingly borne,

deepen mutual love and draw husband and wife closer together.

3 Mutual Duties

a) Love one another. “True and solid love is the basis for con-

jugal happiness,” the cornerstone of the home. A home built on

selifishness or sensuality which at times are mistaken for love,

will not last. The love which unites husband and wife, “is an

especially pure and holy love.” “The love of which we are speak-

ing,” says the Holy Father, “is not based on the passing lust of



24 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

the moment, nor does it consist in pleasing words only, but in

deep attachment of the heart which is expressed in action, since

love is proved by deeds”.

Genuine love does not seek one’s own comfort, ease and

pleasure. Its concern is the well-being and happiness of the

other, as Christ, who died for us, loved “not for the sake of His

own advantage, but seeking only the good of His Spouse.” True

love is not a passing emotion, but a sentiment which endures for

life. It feeds on sacrifice and trials. It grows stronger and purer

as year is added upon year. We can love only what is good,
honorable and noble. Husband and wife, therefore, must con-

sider it their solemn duty to keep worthy of each other’s respect.

Love rests on respect.

This conjugal faith, however, which is most aptly called by

St. Augustine the “faith of chastity” blooms more freely, the

more beautifully and more nobly, when it is rooted in that more

excellent soil, the love of husband and wife, which pervades all

the duties of married life and holds pride of place in Christian

marriage. For matrimonial faith demands that husband and wife

be joined in an especially holy and pure love, not as adulterers

love each other, but a^ Christ also loved the Church.

The spouses should at all times strive to please each other.

It is the little things, little acts of thoughtfulness, consideration

and surprises that make life pleasant. Bodily charms fade, sincere

love never passes away. Love makes life a happier and holier

fife. It gives strength to bear the common burden. It seeks and

fosters the sanctification of the other spouse.

b) Bear with each other. During tlie days of courtship the

couple is wont to conceal personal faults and weakness from each

other or to take them lightly. As a rule they meet under much

the same conditions. After marriage the hidden faults come to

the surface, and husband and wife must live together under all

conditions, agreeable as well as disagreeable. As they readily

accept the good and pleasing qualities of which they were not

aware, so they must be prepared to discover shortcomings and

frailties, and be willing to accept them.

No one is perfect. Let the spouses, therefore, make sincere

efforts to avoid what is irritating and offensive. This calls for

mutual allowances, yielding, foregoing likes and enduring dislikes.

It’s a great price, but peace and harmony are worth it. However,



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 25

there is no remedy for all human ills, and after sincere efforts on

both sides, the spouses will apply the advice of the Apostle:

“Bear with one another in love” (Ephes. 4,2). It takes a period

of abiding patience to become mutually adjusted.

c) Trust each other. Unshaken mutual confidence is another

foundation-stone of a happy home. It must be preserved at all

costs. If lost, it is extremely difiBcult to recover, and married life

becomes a painful martyrdom. Jealousy and suspicion, the oppo-

sites of confidence, torture their own victims and make an innocent

person suffer. To be distrusted and suspected innocently is like

suffering from a mortal wound; sooner or later love will die. In

case the conduct of one of the spouses seems unjustifiable, let them

discuss the matter cool-headedly, frankly and fairly. Nursing

suspicions will lead to serious harm.

d) Forgive and Forget. Unpleasant things are bound to arise,

for the simple reason that husband and wife are human beings.

Let them make every effort not to have a quarrel the first year.

It is recommended that they make a mutual promise to that effect,

which promise is to be renewed on their wedding anniversary.

In case a dangerous situation threatens, they will remind one

or the other of the promise and come to a speedy understanding,

leaving no bitterness in the heart. Little wrongs must not be

allowed to accumulate and grow. The Apostle advises: “Do not

let the sun go down upon your anger” (Ephes. 4.26).

If a wrong has been done, let the guilty party admit it. Lies

only aggravate a situation and undermine confidence. When a

spouse regretfully admits a fault, the other may not witlihold

sincere forgiveness. Again the Apostle admonishes: “Bear with

one another and forgive one another, if any one has a grievance

against any other; even the Lord has forgiven you, so also do you

forgive” (Coloss. 3,13). Forgive and forget. Do not dig up buried

bones.

4 Duties of Father and Mother

Mutual attraction, perhaps for reasons unknown to themselves,

draws a young man and woman together. The acquaintance

slowly grows and ripens into a warm friendship—love. Love,

seeking happiness of the other, kindles and deepens the desire

of sharing life and all it offers: joys, sorrows, gifts of the mind

and of the soul, even the bodies.



26 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

The sincere and pure minded youth and maiden look forward

to future marriage as a “union of souls” “a bond of union of mind

and heart” without however, excluding the intimate union of the

bodies, since both union of the soul and the body constitute con-

jugal love. At the altar bride and groom consecrate their bodies

to the noble purpose of marriage. They offer themselves to the

omnipotent, Creator, and ask for His blessing. Holy mother

Church adds her benediction and prayers to those of her two

children. Thus natural love, purified and sanctified by the sacra-

ment of matrimony, the means to a noble end, becomes a chaste

love. The Pope calls it, “devout love,” “holy and pure love,” “Chris-

tian love,” a “sacred and inviolable bond,”—the well-spring of

new life.

a) The Conception of the Child. To the first pair of human

beings God gave life by an act of His omnipotence. “He formed

man of the slime of the earth,” and He “built the rib which He

took from Adam into a woman” (Gen. 2,7,22). After that He

willed that children enter life by the cooperation of husband and

wife with His omnipotence. “The Creator in His goodness wished

to use men as His helpers in the propagation of life” (12). By

the physical union of the bodies, called the conjugal or marital

act or sexual relation, the germ of life is deposited in the body of

the wife. The union of the two cells is the beginning of a human

being; the child develops during pregnancy, a period of nine

months, and then is born. The uniting of the life-elements (cells)

in the mother’s body which gives rise to a human being is called

the conception of the child. The entire process, as it follows the

laws of nature, of which God is the Author, is sinless and pure,

since God cannot be the Author of evil. The God-implanted

desire for fatherhood and motherhood, and the gift of life itself

through the cooperation of both parents, create that wonderful

bond which unites husband and wife, parents and children in

livelong love.

The ability to perform the marital act is of importance for

the Sacrament of matrimony. A person not able to perform the

act cannot contract a valid marriage, by reason of the impediment

of “impotency” (can. 1068). In case this condition develops, or

is brought about after the marriage, the validity of the marriage

is not affected by it. A woman, who does not labor under the

above impediment of impotence but who, for some reason, cannot



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 27

become a mother, can validly marry. If she is aware of the fact,

fairness and justice demand that she inform her future husband

of her condition before marriage.

b) After the Conception: As soon as the mother knows her-

self to be with child, she becomes responsible for the germing

life. She may not do anything which directly would destroy it

or expose it to serious danger. The exact moment when the two

cells unite is not known, or when the rational soul is infused to

form a human being. However, it is certainly wrong to believe

that this infusion takes place weeks after marital relations or con-

ception, and to act on that belief under the pretense that there

is as yet no human being.

The practice, quite common nowadays, that the expectant

mother consult a doctor for pre-natal care is recommended. Her

own mother will also be able to give sound, practical advice.

During pregnancy the mother will refrain from all actions which

endanger the hidden life, 'such as jumping, heavy lifting, etc.,

which actions may be harmful to herself as well.

The husband is expected to treat the expectant mother with

special consideration and thoughtfulness. He will keep from her

occasions for undue emotional excitement, such as anger, mental

depression, etc., and as far as possible preserve her calm and

serene in mind and heart. The mother should frequently receive

the Sacraments and recommend herself and the child to the Mother

of God. Some time before the birth of the child she will present

herself to the priest for the blessing which the Church imparts

to the expectant mother.

c) After the Birth: The first care of the parents must be to see

to it that the child receives Baptism within a week or two. In

case of danger for the life of the child, they must notify the priest.

If this cannot be done, or the priest cannot be had, any one can

and must perform the ceremony. It is done in this way: Take %
of a cup or a large spoonful of common, ordinary water, pour it

over the head of the child and say at the same time: ‘T baptize

thee in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy

Ghost.”

Some weeks before the birth, a Christian name should be

selected and arrangements made for a godfather and godmother,

both of whom must be practical Catholics.

On the occasion of the Baptism or soon after, the mother



28 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

should again present herself to the priest for the mother’s blessing,

commonly called “churching.” In the blessing before the birtih

of the child the priest recommends mother and child to the loving

care of the heavenly Father. After the birth the happy mother

returns to give thanks to God for the favor granted her.

5 Duties of Husband and Wife

Marriage grants the spouses the privilege of conjugal relation-

ship, which it confers as a right, and imposes as a duty. In the

words of the Holy Father; “It is a free act of the will by which

each contracting party hands over and accepts those rights proper

to the state of marriage” (can. 1081; 1111). Quoting St. Paul he

states: “Let the husband render to the wife her due, and likewise

the wife to the husband.” These words of the Apostle expresses

not only a law of Justice, but a norm of Charity (I Cor. 7, 3).

By marriage husband and wife concede to each other the

right of the lawful use of their bodies and agree to its correspond-

ing duty. However, this mutual obligation is not a right without

any restrictions nor a duty binding under all conditions. It becomes

a grave obligation only when the demand is reasonable and

seriously insisted on, and when the other party has no valid excuse,

such as bodily indisposition, improper place, frequency etc.

The Holy Father counsels “charity” which renders the right

less exacting and the duty less onerous. It must be remembered

that the pleasure provided by the all-wise Creator it intended

for both spouses, not for one only. The Holy Father also cautions

husbands by stating that the wife is not bound to comply with

“her husband’s every request even if not in harmony with right

reason or with the dignity due to a wife”. ^

a) What is Lawful in Wedlock: As already remarked, the

primary end of marriage is “the procreation and education of

children” (can. 1013). Fatherhood and motherhood in honorable

wedlock is a dignity in which many saintly men and women glory.

What God has ordained, and a duty and right which comes from

God must be sinless and pure. Hence lawful are:

(1) The marriage act proper, or whatever is required for or

contributes towards attaining its primary end, namely the con-

ception of the child.

Likewise those things are sinless which are helpful in any

way to procure the pleasure which the Greater has bound up



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 29

with the act. Both parties carry the common burden of married

life and therefore are also entitled to the joys which the state

provides. For the reason stated above, this phase of their hfe

may become the object of thoughts and desires without sin, as

also the subject of clean and becoming conversation.

Actions of an intimate nature are permitted, even though the

marital act is not contemplated at the time, provided, complete

satisfaction for either party is not intended or sought. Problems

and difficulties of a moral nature which married life may present,

are best submitted to the Confessor as soon as they arise.

(2) The secondary ends of marriage are “mutual aid, the

cultivating of mutual love and quieting of concupiscence.” Since

marriage relationship serves these secondary ends in no small

measure, the secondary objects are a sufficient reason for the

exercise of the marriage act. Hence husband and wife may make

use of their rights in the proper manner even at a time when the

primary object of marriage cannot be attained, e.g., because of age,

or when the wife is already blessed with a child, or “on account

of natural reason either of time or of certain defects new life

cannot be brought forth.”

“For in matrimony as well as in the use of the matrimonial

right there are also secondary ends, such as mutual aid, the cul-

tivating of mutual love and the quieting of concupiscence which

husband and wife are not forbidden to consider so long as they

are subordinated to the primary end and so long as the intrinsic

nature of the act is preserved.”

(3) Married people are at liberty to forego or renounce their

privilege. St. Paul advises continence by mutual “consent for a

time that they may give themselves to prayer” (1 Cor. 7,5.).

Such a “time for prayer” would be before Holy Communion,

with due regard for frequent communicants. It must be remem-

bered that this is an advice only, and by no means an obligation

of any kind. The practice of voluntary continence, as suggested,

has the advantage that when necessity will impose it, e.g., at

times of sickness, separation, etc., the couple will be prepared

to meet the situation without any great inconvenience. This

seems to be the mind of the Holy Father when he says: “. . . to

use the rights given them by marriage in a way that will always

be Christian and sacred, more especially in the first years of



30 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

wedlock, so that should there be need of continency afterwards,

custom will have made it easier for each to preserve it.”

(4) While the privileges of the married are suflBciently wide

to preclude needless fears and undue anxieties, this does not imply

the shedding of modesty. The Apostle calls our bodies “temples of

the Holy Ghost,” which applies to all. Self-respect must not be sac-

rificed. Mutual respect, a precious thing, must be preserved. The

angel Raphael gave the young Tobias and his wife what may be

called a pre-nuptial instruction. Amongst other things he remarked:

“Hear me and I will show you who they are over whom the

devil can prevail. They are they who in such a manner marry

as to shut out God from themselves and their mind, and give

themselves up to their lusts as the animals do which have not

understanding, over them the devil hath power” (Tob. 6, 16). As

children of God we owe reverence to one another.

“That mutual familiar intercourse between spouses them-

selves, if the blessing of conjugal faith is to shine with be-

coming splendor, must be distinguished by chastity so that

husband and wife conform themselves in all things with the law

of God and of nature, and endeavor always to follow the will

of their most wise and holy Creator with the greatest reverence

towards the work of God” (22).

b) What is Sinful in Wedlock: Whatever is contrary to the

Vlth Commandment of God for a single person is sinful also in

wedlock, with the exception of the marital rights and privileges.

Deserving of special mention are:

(1) Self-abuse—be it solitary or mutual. “The wife has no

authority over her body but the husband, the husband likewise

has not authority over his body, but the wife” (I Cor. 7,5). By

“authority” the Apostle means the conjugal right.

(2) Adultery. In its first sense adultery means sexual relations

with another not his or her spouse. In a wider sense it includes

“all sensual affections and actions with a third party.” God Him-

self teaches us the importance of conjugal fidelity by one of the

ten commandments, and by imposing the penalty of death for

its violation (Lev. 20,10, John, 8,5). St. Paul warns: “Let marriage

be held in honor by all and let the marriage bed be undefiled.

For God will judge the immoral and adulterer” (Hebr. 13,4).

Christ declares: “I say to you that anyone who even looks with



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 31

lust at a woman has already committed adultery with her in his

heart” (Math. 5, 28).

“The second blessing of matrimony which we said was men-

tioned by St. Augustine, is the blessing of conjugal honor which

consists in the mutual fidelity of the spouses in fulfilling the

marriage contract, so that what belongs to one of the parties by

reason of this contract sanctioned by divine law, may not be

denied to him or permitted to any third person. Nor may there

be conceded anything to one of the parties which is contrary to

the rights and laws of God and entirely opposed to matrimonial

faith, and so can never be conceded.

“It follows, therefore, that they are destroying mutual fidelity

who think that the ideas and morality of our present time con-

cerning a harmful and false friendship with a third party can

be countenanced, and who teach that greater freedom of feeling

and action in such external relations should be allowed to man

and wife, particularly as many (so they consider) are possessed

of an inborn sexual tendency, which cannot be satisfied within the

narrow limits of monogamous marriage.”

“Such unworthy and idle opinions are condemned by the noble

instinct which is found in every chaste husband and wife, and

even by the light of the testimony of nature alone, a testimony

that is sanctioned and confirmed by the command of God, ‘Thou

shalt not commit adultery.’
”

(3) Criminal Abortion: By abortion is meant the removal of

a child not yet able to live outside the mothers womb; as Pope

Pius puts it: “Taking the life of the offspring hidden in the mother’s

womb” (63). This act becomes sinful or “criminal” when done

intentionally and directly. Intentionally: When anything is done

with the set purpose of bringing about the result mentioned; it

matters not what means are applied. On the other side, a mis-

carriage, without any one’s fault, being unintentional, is devoid

of guilt.

Directly: When the means are applied solely for the purpose

of destroying the hidden life—whatever the motive or reason for

doing it may be. “Killing of the innocent,” “murder of the in-

nocent” is a grave crime, contrary to the law of nature and of

God Who declared: “Thou shalt not kill.” The crime is punished

by the Church with excommunication reserved to the bishop

(can. 2350). Nor does the fact alone that it has been declared

“legal” in a certain case, or “lawful because there are weighty



32 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

reasons,” justify the operation in the eyes of God. “The life of

each (mother and child) is equally sacred, and no one has the

power, not even the pubHc authority to destroy it.”

However, in case the life of the mother is threatened by

disease, proper means to remedy her condition may be applied,

even though they are harmful or fatal to the unborn child.

(4) Birth-control: Many persons are willing to accept the

pleasures which the married state offers, but unwilling to assume

its responsibilities. They wish to live as husband and wife, but

refuse the burden of parenthood. “Being weary of children they

wish to gratify their desires without the consequent burden. Others

say that they cannot on the one hand remain continent, nor on the

other can they have children because of the difficulties whether

on the part of the mother or on the part of family circumstances.”

For such and similar reasons they resort to birth-control, which

in reality is lack of self-control.

Birth-prevention means the use of the privilege of the mar-

ried and the conjugal act, but at the same time taking measures

“so that the act is deliberately frustrated in its natural powers to

generate life.” By such means the conception of the child is

rendered impossible. This is a gravely sinful abuse, no matter

whether the preventative measures be taken before, during or

after the act itself. Even though this practice is excused, publicly

defended and recommended, public opinion and general practice

never can declare or make lawful what is contrary to the laws of

nature. Nor can personal reasons, however plausible they may

appear, excuse from the sin and guilt of deliberately transgressing

the law of God. Pope Pius XI solemnly declares: “Any use what-

soever of matrimony exercised in such a way that the act is de-

liberately frustrated in its natural power to generate life, is an

offense against the law of God and nature, and those who indulge

in such are branded with the guilt of grave sin.”

“No reason, however grave, can be put forward by which

anything intrinsically against nature may become conformable

to nature and morally good. Since, therefore, the conjugal act

is destined primarily by nature for the begetting of children, those

who in exercising it deliberately frustrate its natural power and

purpose sin against nature and commit a deed which is shameful

and intrinsically vicious . . . Intercourse even with one’s legiti-

mate wife is unlawful and wicked where the conception of off-



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 33

spring is prevented. Onan, the son of Juda, did this and the Lord

killed him for it” (55, 56).

Husband and wife, sincerely interested in their own welfare

and that of their family, will turn a deaf ear to the tempting

voice of a pagan world, and listen to the voice of their Christian

conscience, and the voice of the Holy Father, which is no other

than the voice of God.

Many and destructive evils grow out of this sinful practice:

Husband and wife exclude God from their heart and home.

Happiness departs from a place where chastity is defiled and the

sanctity of matrimony is outraged. Many a woman pays the

penalty with impaired health of body or mind. A tranquil, peace-

ful heart gives way to an uneasy conscience and bitter remorse

for years to come. We see the disastrous results of this wide-

spread evil in the fact that childless couples furnish the greatest

number of divorces—and divorce is but the climax of a period of

quarrels and strife.

If “family circumstance” such as financial dijfficulties, “extreme

want,” or the “health of the mother and the danger of her Hfe”

are advanced as reasons for birth control, let the Ghristian spouses

bear in mind that they will fare better by keeping themselves

pure in the sight of God, and putting their trust in Him, than by

using sinful means to ward off an impending evil or danger, in

many cases exaggerated and unreal.

“Virtuous continence” by mutual consent, self-control assisted

by divine grace, will safeguard the material welfare of the family,

and at the same time preserve God’s blessing for the home. Pius

XI says: “Holy Ghurch knows well that not unfrequently one of

the parties is sinned against rather than sinning when for a grave

cause he or she reluctantly allows the perversion of the right order.

In such a case there is no sin, provided that, mindful of the law

of charity he or she does not neglect to seek to dissuade and to

deter the partner from sin. Nor are those considered as acting

against nature who in the married state use their right in the

proper manner although on account of natural reasons whether

of time or of certain defects new life cannot be brought forth.”

For various reasons young couples at times enter some kind

of agreement before the marriage as to the number of children

and the time when they intend to have them. Such and similar



34 FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

arrangements must be avoided. In most cases they result in making

married life nothing but a prolonged occasion of sin. They may

even expose the sacrament to the danger of nullity. Couples may

make the sad discovery that when later on children would be

welcome, God refuses to cooperate. By far the best course is to

lead a normal married life, and let the good Lord have His will.

ConchXsion: Since the home is built on the sacred foundations

of a Sacrament, it must be the constant endeavor of the spouses

to keep God and His blessing in the home by a good, Christian

life. When sin enters, God departs and with Him happiness and

lasting peace. People can marry without God, but they cannot

have abiding happiness without Him.

Family prayers, the Family Rosary, draw God’s blessing upon

a home. The images of Jesus and Mary must be given a place of

honor. In the hour of darkness father and mother go to Jesus and

Mary for comfort and help. Those who tell us that religious

pictures are out of place in a modern home, are neither wilhng

nor able to assist us in the hour of need.

The Holy Father gives the following advice: “Those who

are joined in the bond of sacred wedlock should be wholly imbued

with a profound and genuine sense of duty towards God, which

will shape their whole lives and fill their minds and wills with a

very deep reverence for the majesty of God . . .” Let them “perform

their duty and exercise their religion so that each give themselves

to God, continually ask for His Divine assistance, frequent the

Sacraments, and always nourish and preserve a loyal and thor-

oughly sincere devotion to God.”

“Even the very best instruction given by the Church, however,

will not alone suffice to bring about once more conformity of

marriage to the law of God. Something more is needed, in addi-

tion to the education of the mind, namely, a steadfast determina-

tion of the will on the part of husband and wife to observe the

sacred laws of God and of nature in regard to marriage. In fine,

in spite of what others may wish to assert and spread abroad by

word of mouth or in writing, let husband and wife resolve; to

stand fast to the Commandments of God in all things that

matrimony demands, always render to each other the assistance

of mutual love; to preserve the honor of chastity; not to lay

profane hands on the stable nature of the bond; to use the rights

given them by marriage in a way that will be always Christian

and sacred, more especially in the first years of wedlock, so that



FOR BRIDE AND GROOM 35

should there be need of continency afterwards, custom will have

made it easier for each to preserve it” (115).

“In order that they may make this firm resolution, keep it and

put it in practice, an oft-repeated consideration of their state of

life and a diligent reflection on the sacrament they received will

be of great assistance to them. Let them constantly keep in

mind that they have been sanctified and strengthened for the

duties and for the dignity of their state by a special sacrament,

the efficacious power of which, although it does not impress a

character, is undying” (116).