G / o u d e t C a k o r T 

TWe 4 r a 

y\-i>L 

THE' 

OF THE 

PRACTICAL ADVICE 

PARENTS 

R o b e r t C L A U S E S . J 





The Training 
of the Adolescent 

Practical Adulce for Parents 

By ROBERT CLAUDE, S . J . 

Translated from the French Third Edition 

by Francis D. Giampino, S.J. 

T H E P A U L I S T P R E S S 

4 0 1 WEST 59TH STREET 

N E W YORK 19, N . Y . 



Nihil Obstat: 
JOHN M . A . FEARNS, S . T . D . , 

Censer Librorum. 

Imprimatur: 
8 FRANCIS CARDINAL SPELLMAN, 

Archbishop of New York. 

New York, December 11, 1948. 

COPYRIGHT, 1949 , BY T H E MISSIONARY SOCIETY OF ST. PAUL THE APOSTLE 

IN THE STATE OF N E W YORK. 

Deaefffiffetf 

PRINTED AND PUBLISHED IN THE U . S. A. 

BY THE PAULIST PRESS, NEW YORK 19, N . Y. 



T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 

PAGE 

I . T H E PSYCHOLOGY OF THE ADOLESCENT S 

I I . T H E TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 12 

A . THE TRAINING OF H I S INTELLECT....... 1 4 

B . H I S GUIDANCE IN SEX 2 0 

C . THE TRAINING OF HIS WILL 2 4 

MARY'S PART IN H I S TRAINING 3 8 





s4doiedcent 

TTHE training of the adolescent is a vast 
field, and we cannot hope in a treat-

ment as brief as this to cover all of it ade-
quately. In those parts of the field that 
are as yet but imperfectly understood we 
shall attempt to indicate the general ap-
proaches in a popular way. Thus we hope 
to help parents in a delicate undertaking 
and to enable them to delve more deeply 
into the problems involved. 





1 THE PSYCHOLOGY OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Someone has written, "Adolescence is an age between two 
ages in which the heart turns to some mystic land afar." True, 
this definition is rather poetic, but experience shows it to be 
quite accurate. Ari age between two ages, one that is neither 
•childhood nor maturity. An age of transition, one on the brink 
of change, in which the heart turns to some mysterious land 
afar, in which the heart bf a young person opens on the myriad 
prospects of life and its mysteries. 

It is an age that is essentially unsettled and that requires 
of its guide a great deal of patience. More especially it requires 
a competent knowledge of the workings of the human mind. 
For the first time, and for a short time only, the mind of a 
young person is possessed of a vision of the universe in its 
totality, and it awakens to a more complete view of all the 
departments of life. The role played by the guide of a young 
person takes on at this point a unique importance, for the 
impressions that leave a lasting mark on a man are those he 
receives in his adolescence. 

An Age Between Two Ages 

In the life of man there are two stages in which the progress 
of nature seems to come to a standstill; they are childhood and 
-maturity. In these two periods the human being seems to be 
in a perfect state of equilibrium, and lives his life in relatively 
•uninterrupted peace. 

Between these two periods of well-being there intervenes a 
time that is unstable and unsettled, in which a person abandons 
the child's way of thinking and acting and gropes about in the 
•dark for those of the adult; this is adolescence. Rousseau has 
•called it a second birth. 

The adolescent realizes well enough that there is something 
mew in his interior make-up, that he has changed a great deal 

7 



8 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

since the days of his First Holy Communion, but he doesn't 
see very clearly just what this change is. So you see what a joy 
it is for him to meet a friend on the road of adolescence, one 
who will be his guide along the way! 

But remember, he doesn't want anyone to treat him like a 
child, because he isn't a child anymore. On the other hand he 
is not yet an adult; and though, when he wishes, he can put 
on a serious air and act like a man and have a will of his own, 
it doesn't last. Before long he has become childish and capri-
cious again. 

It is just this dual personality that makes the training of 
the adolescent so difficult and so delicate a task. Treat him 
like a child, and he balks; treat him like a man, and he is in 
danger of making serious mistakes. It is your task to help him 
with great skill to make his "apprenticeship of manhood." 
And that without seeming to want to impose yourself on his 
young personality which is all the more sensitive because at the 
same time it is inexperienced and believes itself all-powerful. 
You must be, then, less a director and more a companion. 

The Age of Adolescence 
At what age in years shall we put adolescence? The use of 

this word is as elastic as the reality which it represents. Accord-
ing to the common understanding of the word, adolescence 
begins at about the twelfth or thirteenth year; a little sooner 
for girls than for boys. It ends at about nineteen for the latter. 
To follow the curve of development: the peaceful equilibrium 
of the child lasts from about the tenth to the twelfth year, the 
beginning of adolescence is at about thirteen, the abrupt out-
break of the crisis of adolescence at about fourteen to sixteen 
years, and the externally more calm end of the crisis at about 
eighteen or nineteen. 

This is obviously but a theoretic classification. In real life 
these stages succeed one another imperceptibly, except of course, 
for the crisis itself which sometimes makes such an abrupt 



9 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

appearance that parents are completely confused. Was it 
Chateaubriand who wrote, "We go to sleep children and awake 
men."? 

A young person may be adblescent to a greater or lesser 
degree, and that degree differs with individuals. Juvenile men-
tality shows itself with an intensity and duration that is quite 
variable. The crisis comes earlier in some than in others. There 
is more precocity in warm climates and in large cities. An 
Oriental of eleven years is physically very mature, and a New 
Yorker should not be allowed to pass his twelfth year without 
having some of the facts of sex explained to him. A boy who is 
thrown into the work-a-day world will find his adolescence 
cut short, while the normal schoolboy will undergo a longer 
period of adolescence. The complexity of modern civilization 
seems rather to prolong the duration of the average adolescence. 

In grammar school generally the eighth • grade and the 
preceding period mark carefree childhood. In freshman high 
we see the first symptoms of adolescence; the crisis comes in 
sophomore and junior. Senior high and freshman college mark 
a stage that is calmer but nevertheless critical. Sophomore and 
junior in high school are properly the years of the crisis; these 
years confuse parents most. However there is a difference be-
tween these two years; the sophomore, closer as he is to child-
hood, is more open and docile; the junior, more grownup, is 
also more reticent and wary. 

Childhood, Pre-adolescence, Adolescence 

Let us penetrate a little more deeply into the heart of the 
adolescent and take a look at the following three phases of his 
development: childhood, pre-adolescence, and adolescence itself. 

First of all childhood: In certain respects there are more 
differences between a child and an adolescent than between a 
child of eleven years and a grown man. Childhood, like man-
hood, is a period of calm, security, stability, and satisfaction 
with oneself. Between the ages of nine and twelve even physical 



10 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

growth seems to undergo a temporary halt, while for the adoles-
cent it takes place at an alarming rate. The latter is hesitant, 
timid, restless; the child moves about in his world with a 
security that he will never have again, not even in his maturity 
—this is the age when the child leaps down whole flights of 
stairs, traces his steps along roof tops and the parapets of 
bridges, and that quite without accident. 

There is no denying that the training of a child requires a 
great deal of patience, but the task is relatively easy. It is a 
time of great docility without much initiative or self-deter-
mination. Training then is largely a matter of dogmatic in-
struction: authority has more play than liberty, command more 
than persuasion, mechanical repetition more than explanation. 

But then at about the age of thirteen dark clouds appear on 
the serene horizon. The child becomes disquiet, irritable; he 
loses his peace of mind. His face which had been childish and 
fair now loses its charm. His body is growing tall and all out 
of proportion, and he no longer has his childhood grace. Until 
now he had played with little girls as readily as with little boys, 
but now he has become clumsy and timid in the presence of 
girls he knew in childhood. 

This is the beginning of adolescence. Rousseau has described 
it: "Its change in temperament, its frequent, violent outbursts, 
and continual agitation of spirit make the child almost un-
manageable." Irritability seems to be the characteristic of this 
age. Mendousse writes: "Peace of mind, satisfaction with one-
self and with others, the habitual dispositions of the preceding 
age, make way for attacks of melancholy and disquiet of mind, 
which betray themselves by unexplainable tears, unjustifiable 
complaints, and aggressive words and actions towards parents 
and teachers, etc " It is a time of trouble for the pre-adoles-
cent as well as for the parents. 

At about the age of fifteen the conditions described above 
become more marked, and the child enters into full adolescence. 
New horizons open to the young heart pregnant with the call of 



11 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

a far-off appeal that daily becomes more insistent—a melan-
choly expectation, a mysterious desire for "some land afar . . ." 

What is he, what is he waiting for, what does he want? The 
adolescent can answer none of these questions. He knows 
neither what he is nor whither he is going; he is in the dark. 
Then, too, his life is full of shocks and contradictions. 

He is fiercely independent, and he resents being ruled. And 
yet secretly he admires his superiors, wishes to possess their 
manliness, strength of character, and dominion over him. He 
loves his family, yet it annoys him. He appreciates family life 
very deeply. He loves to sit down to a meal at which the whole 
family is present and finds a real pleasure in spending a winter's 
evening in the intimacy of the family parlor. Yet he is always 
running off and leaving the family circle to meet his friends, 
to go on trips, and to camp out. He is very likely to reply 
sharply if his parents complain that he is never at home. School 
for him is a concentration camp, a barracks, a prison. But let 
some illness grant him a much-desired vacation, and he is soon 
begging the doctor to allow him to go back to school. And 
what he will not do in the name of liberty! He is ready to 
throw over family and school for its sake, for they seem to him 
to be the trappings of childhood. "I must be free," he cries, 
and at the same time hastens to enroll with enthusiasm in some 
association or other, some fraternity or clique in which he hopes 
to find a leader to command him, and regulations to chafe himl 

This, then, is the confusion, the unrest, the disquiet of 
adolescence. Stanley, looking back on his youth, writes in his 
autobiography: "Boys are curious creatures, innocent as angels, 
proud as princes, spirited as heroes, vain as peacocks, stubborn 
as donkeys, silly as colts, and emotional as girls." 

At about the age of sixteen or seventeen there seems to be a 
lull in the storm. But you must beware; the crisis has only 
become more interior. Physiologically puberty is fully achieved, 
but mentally it is in the midst of its development. We can dis-
tinguish two clearcut periods in adolescence: one exterior, the 
other interior. Maurice Debesse has written on this subject: 



12 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

"As varied as the manifestations of adolescence are, its forms 
may easily be put under two headings: The desire to astonish 
others, and the intimate expression of self. These two headings 
correspond in general to the two distinct phases of the crisis. 
Between the ages of fourteen and sixteen the lively desire to be 
outstanding, to astonish oneself and others is most dominant; 
it is as if the adolescent sought to distract himself. This is what 
we shall call the 'extrovert period.' He is very interested in 
clothes, is careful to acquire 'the correct attitude' on popular 
questions, cultivates a larger vocabulary and more careful 
diction; he is attracted by all that is strange, bizarre, unusual, 
and paradoxical. Some of these eccentricities may stay with 
him even in maturity, but most of them will leave him at^bout 
the age of sixteen or seventeen. Their place is taken by a more 
interior phenomenon; this is the period of the 'cult of the Ego.' 
It is an affirmation of the importance of self that is now directed 
not to the world at large, but to himself. It is an age given to 
pondering in the heart, to mental probing, and young people 
discover with delight and at the same time with uneasiness 
the riches of the life of the mind. After the first superficial 
disturbance, the problem becomes more profound. Then toward 
the nineteenth year for boys and a little later for girls this 
intellectual exaltation quiets down, and a new equilibrium 
begins. This is the solution of the crisis." 

The Triple Adaptation 
Let us examine a little more closely this mysterious trouble 

that agitates the adolescent. 

He has just left the happy land of childhood and has not yet 
reached that of maturity; he is on the high seas tossed about 
by the winds. His whole being, body and soul, is busy adapting 
itself to the fullness of manhood, and, as every period of transi-
tion, it is full of trouble, difficulties, and unrest. 

What makes transition painful and complex in this case is 
the fact that adaptation is taking place simultaneously in three 
fields: the adolescent is undergoing at the same time a crisis 



13 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

in his sexual, intellectual, and moral development. His body is 
being transformed in its attainment of sexual maturity, his 
intellect is becoming more and more independent, his will is 
striving to acquire more liberty and freedom of acfion. 

The complexity of the transition is all the greater because 
the rate of progress in these three departments is not the same. 
Now there is some development along one line, and now along 
another; then along all three at the same time. Here it comes to 
a halt, there it begins again; and for how long we don't know. 
The progress of the adolescent is extremely unpredictable. 
Although we can indicate in general the usual lines of develop-
ment, we can never say for sure just what advance will take 
place tomorrow. 

For a balanced view of the problem it is important never to 
loss sight of the fact of this triple development. 

First of all the sexual crisis: This is the age of his first 
shave, the age when his voice begins to deepen, when the genital 
organs develop fully, when a young man wonders about the 
mystery of life, about girls, and when he experiences his first 
sexual temptations, and perhaps even an early fall. 

Then the intellectual crisis: His thought becomes more 
original. If the adolescent is less reason able, he is "nevertheless 
more given to reasoning; he no longer accepts as Gospel truth 
what his parents tell him. It is just this fact that is the cause 
of a good many conflicts with his parents. He wishes to look 
at the pros and cons of a question, to judge on it as grown-ups 
do. He begins now to say: "I think . . .," "I believe . . .," "My 
opinion is . . ." In short he will not allow anyone to dogmatize 
in his presence, though none the less he himself dogmatizes very 
often. 

Finally the crisis of the will: The will, too, begins to assert 
itself. The adolescent has lost the tractability of the child; he 
stiffens before authority, and if the latter stiffens in turn, he 
revolts. He does wish to obey, but he demands that his new-
found personality be respected. To the child we can say, "You 



14 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

must!"; for the adolescent that sort of language is a thing of 
the past. He expects to be given reasons for the existing order 
of things, and to be led to posit his own "I ought to . . . " 

Foerster, (the great German educator) describes adolescence 
in its triple adaptation to maturity as, "the general adaptation 
of the child to all the functions of manhood." 

Others speak of this same phenomenon as "the adolescent's 
summons to life in its entirety." 

The child has life indeed, but is hardly conscious of the vital 
forces that animate him; the adolescen' 1 | * 

emotional, intellectual, moral, social, and religious forces arise 
within him, and all of them must contribute to make him the 
complete, the perfect man. He comes to know that he is the 
master of these forces, and thrilling with a sense of power he 
enters on the great adventure of life. 

Of this adventure will be born the personality of the mature 
man, a personality that is heroic or watery depending on the 
quality of the adventure. This constitutes the tremendous 
responsibility of the guide of an adolescent. 

The task is all the more heart-rending because the adoles-
cent, proud and self-reliant in his discovery of this new world 
of his, wants to make trial of this adventure alone. 

appreciation of them. With awe 



II. THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Now that we have sketched a portrait of the adolescent, let 
us talk about his training. What we are going to say will fill 
out the sketch and complete the portrait. 

We must consider two things first: 

Atmosphere of Love 
An atmosphere of affection and understanding is absolutely 

indispensable in the training of the adolescent. 

Adolescence is as a flower that is opening upon life, a flower 
that needs the sun of love for its full blooming. All training 
of course must be accompanied by kindness, for "more flies are 
caught with honey than with vinegar." And this is particularly 
true of the age at which a young person first becomes conscious 
of love and realizes for the first time the importance of this 
emotion. 

Besides, in the solitude with which he surrounds himself, 
the adolescent is more than ever eager for the solace of affection. 
Affection will encourage him to give you his confidence, and 
without that no true training is possible. The adolescent who 
is taken to task in a matter of discipline is on the watch for 
the least kind word, the smallest sign of sympathy, to apologize 
and admit his fault. However, if he feels that he stands before 
an indifferent tyrant who thinks only of strict discipline, he 
freezes into an attitude of obstinate revolt. 

Be patient, devoted, affable, and that with a gentle smile. 

The love you must show has to be founded on understanding 
and esteem. Esteem: never forget that you have before you 
a being who is about to enter on the most serious part of his 
life, a being whose eternal salvation perhaps is at stake. Esteem 
him for the magnificent gift of life that God has given him. 

Understanding: always give your child the impression that 
you understand him or at least that you are trying to understand 

IS 



16 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

him. Nothing is more effective in making the adolescent retire 
into his shell than the impression that he is not understood. 
He believes that he is interesting, he has a high idea of his own 
worth, and yet his parents continue to treat him as a child; 
they seem to be unaware of the harvest that is preparing. Some-
times they make fun of him, or simply smile. How often has 
that smile, the all-too-frequent recourse of his elders, been the 
inspiration for secret revolt; how many young hearts has it 
wounded and even closed irrevocably to all beneficial influence 
from authority! 

Go Along With Him! • 

Looking at the problem from another point of view, may 
we really speak of the training of the adolescent? Remember 
adolescence is the age of self-affirmation, of the exaltation of 
the Ego, of revolt against all authority and all restraint. How 
may we speak of the training of a being who is striving to get 
along independently of everyone? 

First of all this training has its negative side: it must define 
the errors that are likely to be committed, decide what restraints 
are excessive and what concessions necessary. 

It must also be positive. Rather than a preventative training 
to be imposed upon the adolescent, someone has happily called 
it a "pedagogy of accompaniment." Under such a system the 
parent must follow the development of his child with scrupulous 
alertness; he must create a home atmosphere that is favorable 
to the successful outcome of the crisis, and help him find the 
person in whom he can confide, as every adolescent secretly 
longs to confide. He must suggest norms to be followed—rarely 
impose them—in such a way that the young man will think that 
he has found them himself. 

Then too, this training must be highly individualized. For 
adolescence tends to adopt the originality of maturity, and each 
adolescent takes a course that is, in some ways at least, different. 
Therefore the advice that is given must be adapted to individual 



17 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

cases. This is all the more necessary a precaution in view of the 
fact that many of the factors of juvenile psychology are as yet 
unknown to us. 

A. THE TRAINING OF HIS INTELLECT 

This aspect of the adolescent's training primarily concerns 
teachers and those to whom parents confide the education of 
their children. The task of the parents consists principally in 
choosing a good school, in following the progress of their chil-
dren in so far as they can, in keeping informed about the activi-
ties of the school, and occasionally comparing notes with the 
teachers. 

Let us consider several special points under this heading: 

The Independent Inquirer 

The child can be impressed by an argument from authority; 
he delights in questioning his parents, and their answers are 
Gospel truth for him. The adolescent's attitude however is quite 
the contrary. He balks when anyone tries to impose an idea 
upon him; he wants to discuss and thrash things out. No other 
age is more rebellious before the argument of authority. 

The adolescent objects as if by a first law of his nature. 
Father Janet notes the "obsession with contradicting which is 
so common among young people that they cannot listen to any-
thing without disagreeing with, denying, or correcting what is 
said, and that often in a futile, puerile way." 

Now this obsession is not purely negative. For if the 
adolescent is too much given to debate and contradiction, it is 
because, unlike the child, he wants to find truth by his own 
efforts without the help of anyone else; by groping in the dark 
and often stumbling he tries to think for himself. He is under-
going his apprenticeship in the art of thinking. 

He becomes enthusiastic over the discoveries in thought that 
he makes. In his Critical and Historical Essays Taine writes: 



18 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

"Do you recall that age at which you first discovered some gen-
eral truths, not through the lessons of teachers or by reading 
books, but through personal effort; they were the eldest daugh-
ters of your mind, your most beloved, so charming that no other 
joy has been able to efface or to equal the memory of the 
pleasure they gave you? It is at about the age of fourteen or 
fifteen that these discoveries are made. They may be super-
ficial or even untrue, but what does it matter? Twenty others 
may have discovered them before us, but what do we care? 
They belonged to us really and truly, for we had found them 
just as they had, and we recognized no predecessor in the 
field." 

This enthusiasm, this infatuation with his own ideas, with 
his own discoveries, makes the adolescent prejudiced in his judg-
ments. It is only with great difficulty that he can recognize 
his error, for "he never hesitates between your accurate opinion 
and his erroneous one—his is always better." 

What are parents to do in the face of such prejudice, such 
obstinacy? How are they to train a mind afflicted with such a 
failing? The guiding principle here as always is to avoid head-
on collisions, to practice a "pedagogy of accompaniment." 

Don't hurt his sensibilities with an irritable "Will you be 
quiet?" or "Is that the way you talk to your parents?" It will 
only make the conflict deeper. The result will be continual, 
disagreeable family squabbles, growing irritation on the part 
of the adolescent, and even revolt. Or what is equally bad, your 
son will simply become silent and will hide his revolt within 
him. Then his training will have slipped completely out of your 
hands. 

Therefore your first task is to be master of yourself, to 
conquer your tendency to give in to irritability, and to practice 
angelic patience. And this is all the more true because all that 
your son says is not to be taken at its face value, for isn't ado-
lescence the age of the sensational? In his Confessions of a 
Child of the World. Musset puts this statement in the mouth of 



19 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

his hero: "It was enough that a thought be extraordinary, that 
it shock a man of common sense, for me to make myself its 
champion." 

Remain calm then, and realize that the apprenticeship of 
independent thought like every other apprenticeship necessarily 
entails some violence and blunders. Let your child express his 
mind, but don't allow him to be rude or unjust. 

Without hurting his pride, discreetly insinuate the point you 
are trying to make in such a way that he will think he has come 
by his own efforts to the conclusion you desire: "Don't you 
think tha t . . .?" "Don't we have to admit . . .?" 

You will find, too, that if you can talk to him on his own 
level and make him feel that you understand him and appre-
ciate his struggle for self-conquest, you will be able sooner than 
you might think to reason calmly and effectively with him. 
Limit yourself, however, to matters in which you are com-
petent; if you are not, it is better that you say nothing. I 
know parents who for the training of their children will sac-
rifice themselves to the extent of plunging into the reading of 
sports and science magazines in order to be able to discuss these 
subjects intelligently. with their children and thus help them 
in their struggle for intellectual maturity. 

Youth, however, is enthusiastic not only about its own 
thought but about thought in itself. Youth is captivated when 
it discovers for the first time the vast world of ideas. Plato 
says, "He rejoices as though he had discovered a veritable treas-
ure of wisdom, and he is transported with enthusiasm. There 
is no subject into which he does not feel himself competent to 
probe, now oversimplifying, now expanding and distinguishing." 
Don't let us smile indulgently at this cult of enthusiasm for 
thought, but let us encourage it and remember the long line 
of young men who in the course of the centuries have died for 
an idea. 

We must be on our guard however, for this infatuation with 



20 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

ideas can very easily lack depth. Any one who directs students' 
study clubs can tell you how the adolescent loves to discuss 
for the pleasure of bandying ideas about, but when it comes 
to drawing some practical conclusions, and especially when it 
comes to accepting some principles of action, that is another 
matter 1 This lack of depth makes young people susceptible 
to the cult of empty words and very partial to the verbal 
effusions of a Victor Hugo for example. 

In brief, be sympathetic with your son's enthusiastic cult of 
thought, but don't fail to lead him discreetly to real depth of 
thought. As Franklin said, "From every discussion we must 
draw some practical conclusion even if this be only 16 plant 
a tree." 

Reading 

Most adolescents love to read, for a book doesn't contradict 
them as would an adult with whom they may be exchanging 
views. With complete liberty they may discuss, accept, or 
reject the opinions of a book; they feel they have a fighting 
chance. 

It goes without saying that reading is a necessary factor in 
intellectual training. The student who does not put aside his 
school books for outside reading will get his diploma—perhaps 
—but he will never achieve intellectual maturity. 

Undoubtedly books for adolescents are rare and almost non-
existent. There is a wide selection for children and a vast 
literature for adults. But the adolescent disdains children's 
books, and he is not yet able to appreciate and understand those 
for adults. 

How are you going to get information about the many books 
that make their bid for the attention of young people? Consult 
teachers and other competent people, but it will be much easier 
for you if you have at hand one of those excellent book reviews 
that deals with the problem in conformity with Catholic thought 
and conscience. There is the semi-annual review of America 



21 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

entitled "America Balances the Books" with its section on 
adolescents' books. The Catholic Children's Book Club (70 
East 45th Street, N. Y. 17, N. Y.) evaluates books for age 
groups ranging from six to sixteen, and will be of help for the 
major part of the adolescent period. The "Catholic Supple-
ment to the Standard Catalog for High School Libraries" ought 
to be found in any library, if not, it can be secured from the 
H. W. Wilson Company, 950 University Avenue, New York 52, 
N. Y.1 

Your son, full of his new-found independence will not al-
ways allow himself to be counseled in this matter. Often he 
will want to read the latest best-seller, and will neglect books 
of lasting value. Here too, you must exercise diplomacy, 
though in all firmness. You may take advantage of his desire 
to have a library of his own by furnishing him with the kind 
of books that you want him to have. 

The question of the adolescent's reading is often a very 
trying one; in any case it always requires a great deal of atten-
tion on the part of parents. They must exercise discreet and 
tireless watchfulness. 

The Formation of His Conscience 

Parents also have a role to fill in the training of the moral 
intelligence of the adolescent. There are three points we ought 
to cover: 

First of all it is your job to help the adolescent to get to 
know himself better. Here more than anywhere the ancient 
principle is full of meaning, "Know yourself." Incidentally 
there is one method that turns out particularly poorly: to ask 
a young man questions in the hope that thus he will bare his 
soul to you. This is the wrong approach, since at heart he is 
really quite timid, and moreover knows himself but imperfectly. 

1 The recommendations made above are American equivalents of the sources cited 
In the French original. 



22 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Ask him questions and he only becomes embarrassed and tries 
all the harder to guard his secrets. 

What you must do is describe the adolescent to himself. In 
retreats for young people the retreat master gets the most rapt 
attention when he traces the psychological portrait of the 
adolescent. For he desires intensely to know himself but dares 
not ask. He is marvelously happy when he learns what he has 
secretly desired to learn, and he receives with great avidity 
any light that is thrown on this vexing subject. 

Then you must realize that the child is dominated, before 
all, by the external aspect of morality. Isn't it true that what 
troubles the child more than the fault itself is its consequences: 
punishment, scolding from its parents, shame, being kept in, 
a bad report card? The adolescent however has begun to 
realize that the moral order exists independently of his supe-
riors and that it is a part of his very being. 

Teach this attitude to your son. Of course, you must ac-
custom him to accept the consequences of his acts like a man, 
but above all get him to be sorry not so much for the un-
pleasant results of his faults as for the fault itself. For a fault 
is a failing of the will. 

Finally the child is unduly impressed by the sanctions his 
little world invokes on blunders like disorderliness or neglect 
of studies, in which often enough there is no malice of the will. 
Therefore you must direct the attention of your adolescent to 
interior faults. They tend to pay little attention to them, 
though they are far more important than the little failings of 
the classroom; I mean they should become more conscious of 
failings like jealousy, envy, animosity, selfishness, rivalry, hasty 
judgments, and in general of all the interior sins contrary to 
the virtue of charity. 

It is very interesting indeed to present a student with a 
list of his classmates and ask him which of them he likes and 
which he dislikes. This little experiment is likely to make him 
think twice—and not without some surprise—about his habitual 



23 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

interior disposition toward his companions. You can go a step 
further with it: "Look for the causes of your dislikes." Then, 
again with surprise, he discovers that side by side with reasons 
based on mere physical appearance there may be an unpardoned 
word, a rivalry, some jealousy, and always selfishness. This 
introspection will make his conscience more sensitive to interior 
faults. 

Also direct his attention to the secret motives of his actions, 
to his intention. Teach him to judge actions not by their 
external appearance, but by their interior motivation. Three 
boys may be very faithful to their school work but for reasons 
of different value; the first may work hard because pride 
prompts him to do so, the second out of fear of punishment, and 
the third may study because he loves God and knows that He 
wishes him to do his duty. 

B. HIS GUIDANCE' IN SEX 

Explanation of Sex to the Adolescent 

Now we must face the problem of his information on sexual 
matters. It is above all the formation of a strong will that 
makes any training in chastity possible at all. 

Initiation in groups to the facts of sex is forbidden by the 
Church and by right reason. The initiation of the individual 
adolescent is primarily the obligation of the parents, but often 
enough, because they find it embarrassing, they pass this duty 
on to the priest, or much more unfortunately, leave it to chance 
acquaintances. This delicate task can usually be accomplished 
only by someone who knows the individual very well. 

In this matter the child ought to receive an answer to any 
question which is bothering him. To keep back information 
by dodging embarrassing questions or by clothing procreation 
with mystery can give a young person a false conscience that 
may stay with him for the rest of his life; experience has taught 



24 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

us that only too often. From the very beginning the child 
must recognize natural functions for what they are. 

Suppose the child does not ask any questions, at what age 
are we going to initiate him? The answer to this question is 
often very difficult. There was time when it was commonly 
felt that a boy should not pass his senior year in high school 
without being initiated; today however this must be done at 
the latest when a young person is about fourteen or fifteen. 
In our times children pick up much more information because 
of such features in our civilization as the radio, the movies, 
newspapers, freedom in conversation. It is obvious then, that 
it is not necessary, and can even be dangerous, to wait until 
a child shows some interest in these questions. 

Some say that we ought not act too hastily in this matter, 
and that we ought to wait as long as possible before we "de-
flower" the virginal soul of a child. First, we take exception 
to the use of the word "deflower." Then, we must never lose 
sight of the constant menace today of bad or thoughtless com-
panions who will speak about sex in a way that may be in-
delicate and very easily disastrous. Besides, it is better that 
a child be acquainted with the facts before the period of temp-
tations or the troubles of puberty. The child who is having 
no trouble will receive this knowledge very calmly, and when 
temptations do come, the adolescent will have the information 
that will prove one of his greatest sources of resistance. On 
the other hand the "shock" of initiation is more dangerous dur-
ing the critical age of temptation. 

We put the age at fourteen to fifteen. Circumstances may 
demand an earlier initiation, for example a new baby in the 
house, or the necessity of a child's frequenting dangerous places, 
etc. 

Parents must shoulder their responsibilities and in doing so, 
they can count on the grace of God. It would be an offense 
to good sense and a failure in duty to observe in this matter 
a policy of absolute silence. 



25 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Method 
Like many other parents, no doubt you are worried about 

how to go about this task. You will be able to find good 
suggestions in the manv pamphlets that are printed by reputable 
Catholic authorities on the subject. One of them is: "How to 
Give Sex Instruction," by P. J. Bruckner, S.J.2 

Some do not care to use pamphlets, but prefer a more 
direct method. How then to go about it? After getting the 
essentials clear from some good pamphlet, the following sug-
gestions may be of help. 

Before all else you must make sure that this initiation takes 
place on a lofty and religious tone. Mothers can usually ac-
complish this without difficulty. Emphasize more the magnifi-
cent role God has given to parents than the physical conditions 
of reproduction. The use of the Gospel, as we shall point out 
shortly, will accomplish this very nicely. Thanks to this pre-
caution, during the rest of his life the notions of birth and love 
will normally keep this original imprint of the pure and the di-
vine, and this will be a sizable factor in times of temptation. If, 
on the other hand, the initiation were made without this pre-
caution or by a bad companion, these notions, stained from 
the beginning by thè material or sordid perhaps, could mar 
his life forever. 

At times it is necessary to explain the whole thing at once; 
more often it is preferable to take it step by step: First make 
him aware of the problem, then explain the role of the mother, 
and then that of the father. This last step is by far the most 
difficult to handle delicately, and you must rather prepare the 
adolescent to understand it than try to explain it. 

Ought you at this point to bring in the whole problem of 
chastity? - It seems inadvisable to mention the faults against 
chastity just at the moment of initiation, for this would de-
tract from the tone of the pure and the divine that we spoke of. 

2 The pamphlet recommended above is an American equivalent of the French, 
"L'initiation des enfants & la vie " by Pierre Dufoyer. 



26 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Yet it seems very important to explain the problem of chastity 
in clear terms, with an eye to its relation to marriage, and not 
in a vague and general way that makes no reference to the 
conjugal act. In a matter such as this, where scruples can so 
easily find their way, the principles involved must be clear 
from the very beginning. To act in any other way is to risk 
planting the seed of scruples and even sin in his life for the 
future. 

In this initiation be very straight-forward in handling the 
question of chastity. Your language should be such that the 
adolescent can easily and by himself correlate this new and 
important information with all that he has heard and will hear 
on the subject of chastity and its opposite. There is n<f neces-
sity for, rather there is definite danger in, describing or even 
mentioning the names of all the various sins of the flesh. The 
parents or the confessor can speak of them when they in some 
way touch the life of the adolescent. 

Through the Gospels 

It is not at all extraordinary that children discover the facts 
of sex through the text of the "Hail Mary": ". . . and blessed is 
the fruit of thy womb, Jesus." This is the grace of God. From 
the very beginning the notions of reproduction enjoy a religious 
tone. 

A fine method of initiation is to use this sentence and pro-
ceed with the Gospel stoiy. You can read the child the ap-
propriate texts and explain them to him. 

The use of the sacred text, like the whole of the initiation, 
must be done with infinite tact. Otherwise Gospel texts of the 
highest spirituality will be stained forever with harmful phys-
ical sordidness, though your aim had been just the opposite— 
to purify from the beginning sexual concepts in an atmosphere 
of the highest spirituality. 



27 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Here are some of these passages taken from the first and 
second chapters of St. Luke: 

The Role of the Mother: The message of the angel to 
Zacharius: I, 7.—They had no child; Elizabeth was barren, 
and both were now well advanced in years. 

The annunciation to Mary: 31.—And behold, thou shalt 
conceive in thy womb, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call 
him Jesus. 36.—See, moreover, how it fares with thy cousin 
Elizabeth; she is old, yet she too has conceived a son; she 
who was reproached with barrenness is now in her sixth 
month. 

The visitation: 41-42.—No sooner had Elizabeth heard 
Mary's greeting, then the child leaped in her womb; and 
Elizabeth herself was filled with the Holy Ghost; so that 
she cried out in a loud voice, Blessed art thou among 
women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. 57.—Eliza-
beth's time had come for her child-bearing, and she bore 
a son. II, 5-7.—With him was his espoused wife Mary, 
who was then in her pregnancy; and it was while they were 
still there that the time came for her delivery. She brought 
forth a son, her first born. . . . 

The Role of Father: I, 34-35.—But Mary said to the 
angel, How can that be, since I have no knowledge of man? 
And the angel answered her, The Holy Spirit will come 
upon thee, and the power of the most High will overshadow 
thee. Thus that holy thing which is to be born of thee 
shall be known for the Son of God. (Also the whole pas-
sage of St. Matthew which deals with St. Joseph's anxiety 
when he sees that Mary is pregnant. I, 18-25.) 

C. THE TRAINING OF HIS WILL 
I will! magic words that make the whole being of an 

adolescent quiver and cause profound reverberations within 
him. 



28 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

What is the will? The power of the soul to decide freely 
according to the lights of its own intelligence, or more simply, 
the power of mastery over one's own acts. 

Mastery of self has two facets: a defensive facet, liberation, 
and an offensive facet, realization. Liberation: the will bursts 
every bond and overturns every obstacle that keeps it from 
realizing its ideal. Realization: availing itself of all the 
powers it now enjoys, the will puts them to work to realize its 
generous dream. In short it says no to the enemies of its ideal 
and yes to its friends. 

Training in the Power to Say No r 
The training of the will has two aspects and the first is 

the training in the power to say no. To every adolescent the 
following situations strike a familiar cord: 

It is five o'clock, time for my French homework. It cer-
tainly would be nice to settle down in an easy chair and read 
a comic book, the Bat Man say. I say no to sloth. 

I love fried potatoes—there is nothing wrong with them!— 
but I've already had more than enough of them. I'd like to 
eat some more . . . but no. 

In the schoolyard the day after vacation everybody is tell-
ing what happened to him during the holidays, but I don't have 
anything to tell. I get a great idea for a wonderful story of 
which I am the hero. The story is a pure fiction of the imag-
ination, but what does that matter. To lie is better than to 
keep quiet and feel like a fool. But I say no to vanity. 

I catch a classmate, who is a particular rival of mine, red-
handed. I could fix him very neatly by starting quietly to 
spread the story all around! . . . I say no to jealousy. 

Then from deep within me, very deep, comes a bad feel-
ing, so bad that I can't really describe it. Sometimes it is a 
regular tornado that looks as though it will carry everything 



29 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

away with it. I stand and face the storm and cry: "No, neither 
tribulation, nor agony, nor persecution, nor hunger, nor peril, 
nor the sword can separate me from the love of Christ." 

Teach your son then to say no to the passions that come 
from within him: sloth, softness, sensuality, pride; to say no 
also to the bad example of his friends: their conversations, their 
places of resort, their deeds, books, the movies. When he is 
with a crowd and suggestions are made, it is always a great 
deal easier to say yes than no. Teach him also to say no to 
the forces in the world that try to wear him down: to stand 
hunger, cold, fatigue, sickness, defeat, loss of loved ones and 
this stoically, without letting himself be discouraged, but rather 
drawing energy from the trial itself. 

This training through severity toward self may seem rather 
negative, but it is particularly effective with adolescents. Aren't 
they especially susceptible to the idea of combat, of victory and 
defeat? You will obtain near impossibilities from them by 
presenting the objective to them under the guise of a battle to 
be won, resistence to be maintained. This is because on the 
point of their independence they are extremely sensitive. You 
can start a veritable war within them if you but throw out 
to them the taunt that they are slaves to their passions, to 
the influences of others, to the forces of this world that try 
to wear down their powers of resistance. 

An Ideal 
It goes without saying that you can't be satisfied merely 

with training your adolescent son to say no. To deny oneself 
(and thereby make oneself free) is still but a negative step 
in the training of the will. Through the powers of his soul 
thus liberated the adolescent must build, must realize some-
thing grand, heroic. This heroic ideal is defined by Vigny: 
"a dream of youth realized in maturity." 

Are you anxious to have your son forge himself a will of 
steel, a heroic will? Inspire him with an ideal. First an ideal 



30 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

for his moral actions, then one for his intellectual life. If your 
son limits his efforts at school to "just getting by," his whole 
life may be mediocre. Fortunate indeed is the adolescent whose 
mother and father require a great deal of him, and who, at the 
same time, know how to praise him for the progress he has 
made while pointing out yet higher objectives at which to 
aim. 

Of course you must not ask the impossible of him; this will 
end only in discouragement. Therefore—as happens not in-
frequently—it is unreasonable for a father who had always 
been first in his class to demand the same of his son. 

Yet the ideal must be placed as high as possible—"in the 
stars." The higher the ideal the more attractive, inspiring it is. 
There are potentialities in the soul of adolescence that remain 
forever dormant simply because parents fail to make them 
actualities. "It is amazing," says Father Plus, "the number of 
impossible things resolute people succeed in doing." 

These adolescents of ours are just waiting for us to ask a 
lot of them so that they can discover all the secret forces that 
are in them and can feel that they are masters of the world. 
Boussuet has said that "their sanguine hope is absolutely with-
out bounds." They thrill to the challenge of difficult virtues; 
they .love words like "all," "absolutely," "completely," and all-
out standards like: "One gives nothing unless one gives all." 
John Berchmans as an adolescent said ingenuously, "I want 
to become a saint," and he did. When they begged Guynemer 
(the great French ace of World War I) to spare himself: "Take 
a rest, there is a limit to what a man can do!" He replied, 
"Yes, a limit we've always got to try to pass!" 

Every young person will respond nobly to these lines of 
Claudel: "Don't believe those who tell you that the purpose of 
youth is to have a good time. It is not made for pleasure, but 
for heroism." 

By skillfully and persistently proposing the magic of an 
ideal and by faithfully following the arduous path it points out 



31 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

you will fortify your son against the great temptation of adoles-
cence—one that must decide the rest of his life—the temptation 
of a bourgeois, mediocre attitude toward life. There is a time 
in the life of every adolescent, when after the call of the heroic 
has been followed for a time, he begins to hear the deceptive 
and unhealthy invitations to a life of ease and pleasure, "in 
slippers by the fire." This happens at about the age of sixteen. 
How often the young man of the Gospel comes to mind in 
this regard! He was eager for a heroic life, but he went away 
sad because he did not have the courage to sacrifice riches 
and the conveniences of life. I've often pondered over this 
with a heavy heart as I watch some young man avoid my eye 
and go away sad, because after having shown a desire for a 
noble and difficult life, he forsakes it all for a mediocre life 
of ease. The adolescent truly decides his own destiny. 

Aids 
What means are we going to use to keep this ideal alive? 

Companions, reading, and some moral guide will be of great 
value. 

Diplomatically direct your son's attention toward young 
people who are energetic, hard-working, good-living, and loyal. 
For all these qualities presuppose men of strong will and an 
environment which favors it. Biographies of energetic men will 
also give him a preference for hard work and a dislike of easy-
going ways. What monuments to heroism the missal offers us 
each day with its saints, its virgins, its martyrs, with the 
Blessed Virgin Mary and Christ the Leader, divine exemplar of 
all the virtues. What magnificent, energetic words, like those 
spoken by Joan of Arc: "I will go, even if I have to creep there 
on my hands and knees." "Cut my throat if you wish, but I 
will say what I want." "When I say that I do not wish it, I 
mean that I do not wish it!" 

In the formation of his will nothing can take the place of 
the living word of a priest—often this will be his confessor— 
whom the adolescent has chosen as his moral guide. To brave 



32 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

the difficult storms of youth, your son needs this guide. He 
needs him for the training of his character and for the solution 
of the numerous problems that will arise with the dawning of 
adolescence: that all-over feeling of ill-at-ease, his first sexual 
temptations, difficulties with his parents, his vocation, his 
friendships. . . 

It is very necessary then, that you get your son in a diplo-
matic way to really want to chose a spiritual director or a 
regular confessor to whom he can open himself without re-
serve. You must however, leave him perfect liberty of choice 
of the priest, for confidences cannot be forced. Be assured that 
your son is looking for and really desires a confidant, even 
though, because of his sensitiveness on the point of his in-
dependence, he wishes to choose the man himself. 

"To keep alive in you the faculty of strenuous living, each 
day give it some disinterested practice," says William James, 
the psychologist. We shall point out here some of the setting-
up exercises of the will for adolescents. They are details, of 
course, but they will give parents many opportunities to make 
their sons conscious of the law of exertion. The repetition of 
small acts will form great and noble habits. Of course it is 
unnecessary to tell parents that no number of reminders to 
be energetic will have any effect if parents themselves do not 
first set the example. 

(a) The spirit of discipline: he must submit himself volun-
tarily to the prescribed order of the day whether in his home 
or at school. He must be on time, especially for meals. 

(b) A real zeal to do his job well: he must make war on 
the "just as good" attitude, the job left incomplete, done super-
ficially or indifferently, or neglected entirely. 

(c) The care of profiting practically each day by the many 
occasions offered. 

His physical life: Have him get up at a definite time every 
day, wash with cold water, take deep breathing exercises; 
cleanliness of nails, ears, teeth, clothes attended to every day. 



33 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

He must eat some of everything put in front of him, not 
smoke; learn to grin and bear fatigue, little knocks and bruises, 
illness; get to bed at a reasonable hour. 

His intellectual life: He must exercise his memory, speak 
distinctly, articulate his consonants, write correctly, dot his i's 
and cross his t's; watch spelling; keep his room neat as well 
as his papers, books, clothes; always finish whatever he has 
begun; work, books, games. . . . 

His social life: Be on time for his appointments, put him-
self out for the sake of others on the train, on the stairs, every-
where and in everything; lend what he has willingly; be oblig-
ing with a smile. . . . 

Stoicism and Divine Grace 

It might be objected here that the training of the will out-
lined so far, especially the training through denial of self, has 
the unsavory traces of pagan stoicism, that it slights divine 
grace. There is some foundation for this objection but our 
method supplies the correctives necessary. 

We must be aware of the fact that the adolescent is much 
more impressed by the notion of stoical force than he is by 
that of the gentle help of God's grace. Manly force, simple, 
firm, even strained, in full possession of itself has a tremendous^ 
attraction for him, while sentiments that are sweet and humble 
are suspect. He is at the stage where a young man has just 
discovered many hidden forces within him, and' is setting out 
to conquer the world and thinks that nothing is impossible for 
him. So, why pray? It has been observed that stoicism is a 
malady of many youthful moralists. It is too, the most prev-
alent moral attitude among adolescents gifted with any orig-
inality of thought. 

Let the adolescent go through his experience with stoicism; 
it will ennoble him and give him power to run the race. But 
before long, in the second lap of adolescence, he will be able 
to put his finger on the weakness of the stoic philosophy of 



34 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

life, which is the weakness of the human will when left to itself, 
without the help of divine grace. After the hour of stoicism 
will come that of grace. 

It is at just this moment that his guide must step in to 
keep the adolescent from losing heart, and above all, to con-
vince him of the important role grace and prayer must play 
in his life. Ideas and doctrines do not really penetrate the 
mind until they had been relearned in the school of experience. 
This is why the guide of a young person must be continually 
on his guard to seize upon just the right moment to plant the 
seed of truth in the soul of his spiritual child. 

r 
The adolescent is then in a period that is worthy of our 

fullest sympathy. He is reliving that very human experience 
of St. Paul: "It is not the good that my will prefers, but the 
evil my will disapproves that I find myself doing. Pitiable 
creature that I am, who is to set me free from a nature thus 
doomed to death? (God answers:) Nothing else than the grace 
of God through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Rom. vii. 19, 24-25.) 

The adolescent arrives at a vivid realization of the doc-
trines of grace and prayer through what he has seen of his 
own weakness. The will of man is feeble; experience has made 
this only too clear. He feels more and more urgently a need 

.in his soul: If only some divine power could transform me 
and make me what I ought to be! This divine power is wait-
ing for him; it is God's grace; this transformation will take 
place, and it is through prayer that it will happen. Through 
prayer and grace, God, with His life and All-powerful Will, 
enters into man, permeating him and mysteriously fortifying 
his will. Armed with this divine power the adolescent can 
cry out with St. Paul, "I can do all things in Him that strength-
ens me." It is in this way that his dream of omnipotence can 
be realized. 

What part are parents to play in this discovery? We are 
dealing here with the formation of the religious consciousness 
of a young person. Let us make it clear that the role of 



35 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

parents here is quite limited. It belongs essentially to the 
priest and in particular to the spiritual guide. 

Parents must watch over externals of the adolescent's re-
ligious life: Mass, Confession, Communion, morning and eve-
ning prayer, grace before and after meals. . . . Parents must 
be especially discreet here; their preaching must be chiefly 
by example. There are parents who make the sacrifices neces-
sary to attend daily Mass before work principally to train their 
children to do the same. 

We cannot over-emphasize the role of the Eucharist in the 
training of the adolescent. It is the "bread of the strong." 

Insist with severity on Sunday Mass and the Easter duty. 
Do not tolerate except for a good reason absence from daily 
Mass if it is required by his school. 

On the other hand be very careful in all that concerns Con-
fession and frequent Communion. When occasion permits 
mention the usefulness, and even the necessity, of regular Con-
fession and Communion for a man who is going to amount to 
something. But please, don't organize anything like a "family 
night for Confession." These enforced Confessions have caused 
moral disaster for more than one young person. 

It is fine to have every one in the family go to Sunday Mass 
together, but let each one be free to go to Communion or not. 
If you wish to encourage your children to communicate, you 
must be content with the very real efficacy of good example. 
If unfortunately you see that one of your children is abstain-
ing, do not harass him with questions; do not ask him even a 
single question about the matter. If this happens frequently, 
go to his school, find out about his companions, his books, where 
he spends his time; often enough his attitude will change. If 
not, pray; let the priest to whom your son goes know about it. 
But by all means leave him freedom of action in this delicate 
matter. 

If the whole family says its evening prayers together— 
and we cannot exaggerate the wonderful value this has for 



36 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

him—do not neglect to include in them a short time of silence 
for examination of conscience. It is a great exercise for the 
training of the will! 

Finally every adolescent should make at least one closed 
retreat. Such a retreat will permit him to do some thinking 
in retirement and silence on the problems of his adolescence, 
and to lay the foundations for a life of manly activity and 
will power. Countless youths have come away after these 
three days of recollection and prayer completely changed. 
Pius XI has said: "In these remarkable spiritual setting-up 
exercises the will becomes strong and vigorous" and young 
people come away "vigilant and capable of unholding the cause 
of God." It is becoming customary to have two closed re-
treats in the course of high school, one at the end of sophomore 
and the other at the end of senior year. It is a fine practice, 
because they coincide with the two periods of crisis in 
adolescence. 

Chastity 
Let us consider here two special topics: temptations against 

chastity and the first love. 

Many parents get particularly worried about this matter 
of sexual temptations. Two things disturb them especially: 
They know that such temptations can prove to be of serious 
harm to the soul of their growing boy, and because the boy 
himself, rather secretive from his fourteenth year on, becomes 
even more so about this delicate matter. 

What can parents do? Their hands seem to be tied. They 
can pray of course, and they can watch his reading and the 
way he spends his time. Can they do anything more? 

The big mistake is to make the problem of chastity a prob-
lem apart, and to fail to look at it in the place it takes in the 
general training of the will. If your son is active, he has a 
much better chance of staying pure. If he is inactive, I would 
worry about his purity. Make him then a man of activity, and 
the rest will be easy. 



37 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

After all chastity is a victory of soul over body, a decisive 
triumph of the will. Every time the adolescent takes a stand 
against weak-kneed giving in to self, a battle has been won in 
the war against impurity. He must practice a certain auster-
ity of life, at table, in his comforts, in his amusements; he must 
perform generously his duties as a student. In this he is 
going against softness, greed, laziness, and every kind of sensual-
ity, and to some degree he is avoiding sexual temptations, or 
at least enabling himself to conquer them more easily. For 
he is on the alert and ready to take action to defend the rights 
of the soul against the demands of the body. 

This is what educators mean when they say, "The attitude 
of a young person toward sex is the product of his whole train-
ing." Archambaud explains this: "Everything is a pitfall to the 
weak will. Every form of laziness, softness, dishonesty, and 
even indifference exposes the youth to impurity and makes his 
fall easier. Every kind of activity, effort, frankness, generosity, 
enthusiasm is a great help to his purity. One young man may 
be saved by hard work, another by a horror of lying and dis-
simulation, another by a love that has already found its way 
to his heart, another by divine charity or the call of a voca-
tion, a great many by regular habits of piety. It isn't a ques-
tion of finding one simple remedy, but of utilizing all the pos-
itive, constructive powers of his being. The heart of the truly 
pure is one in which nothing can take precedence over the quest 
for "the better thing." 

To sum up, watch over his reading and the way he spends 
his time, but above all get him to love activity and to despise 
softness and easy-going ways. See to it that there is a cer-
tain austerity in his life, and make him fulfill the duties of 
his state in life generously. 

His First Love 
Adolescence is the age of first love. The first sentimental 

stirrings can come very early, often enough at the threshold of 
adolescence. 



38 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

It would be a great mistake to dismiss the whole thing as 
"mere puppy love." This phenomenon must be taken seri-
ously; it is part of the awakening to life and involves the whole 
personality of a young man. It is a very important factor in 
his future development. 

Just as its occurrence is a normal thing, so too, it is normal 
for the adolescent to attribute tremendous importance to it. 
A boy is a man in the making, and love plays a leading role 
in the life of man. 

Father de Buck has written very wisely: "The adolescent 
recognizes the first love as a total, powerful affirmation of him-
self. . . . He will cling to it desperately, as he clingf to his 
own personality, to the inalienable right he has to be himself 
fully and freely." 

We must realize what serious issues are at stake. If this 
first experience with love goes awry, all of the love life of the 
man of tomorrow will suffer. Here, more than anywhere, the 
adolescent needs guidance. 

You've got to watch over the first love very carefully. 

Let's be frank about it, parents often have a mistaken atti-
tude in this matter. Either they do not see that their son is 
all taken up with a passion that is completely new, or they 
don't realize the danger that a young man is exposed to be-
cause of this psychological phenomenon: danger of harm to 
the soul, to studies, and to the development of his personality. 

We must realize too that the sexual element is not pre-
ponderant in most cases of first love. Sex however, as well as 
all the other natural tendencies, has its place here. 

Yet, however well-intentioned a young man may be in 
his heart of hearts, he is always in danger of making a seri-
ous mistake because of the essential weakness of human nature 
and his own inexperience. Concupiscence, that tendency to 
evil in man, is always ready to corrupt a love that was chaste 



39 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

in its beginnings. Rashness, which is a part of adolescence, is 
incited by this novel and essential human experience, and 
thinks it can trust without danger to its own resources. Above 
all the secrecy with which a young man loves to clothe all his 
doings is a menace. Then there is the other party, the ob-
ject of his affection, who may be the cause of serious trouble. 

But how are you going to guide him during this first love? 

Above all, try to keep his confidence. Be careful not to 
act as though his first love were a sin, or to initiate him at 
this time to the problems of sex; this should have been done 
already. As a rule it is unwise to permit this affair of his to 
go on; sometimes it will have to be permitted or at least 
tolerated. 

But don't try to crush it brutally. Make your son realize 
that you appreciate the great importance he places on this 
psychological event in his life, but that love is too lofty a real-
ity to be experimented with at such an early age and before 
God intends it. Recall to him the ideals we spoke of before: 
mastery of self, the sacrifice of Christ the Redeemer, the neces-
sity of preparing himself worthily for a marriage blessed by 
God. It is easy to understand how in this matter the youth's 
spiritual guide will play a leading role. 

If, in certain circumstances this love has to be tolerated, 
parents should rigidly oppose every kind of dangerous amorous 
manifestation. 

Training in the Use of Liberty 
Let us end this chapter by saying a few words on training 

youth in the proper use of liberty. For many parents this is 
one of the most perplexing problems of adolescence. 

Adolescence is the stage at which the personality asserts 
itself, and conflicts with one's elders ensue. "It is at this 
time that the new-found self-assertion of the child, who has up 



40 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

to now been so docile, collides head on with the newly assumed 
tactics of the parent who, before he began to be faced with 
these disquieting attitudes on the part of his son, had always 
been so indulgent. This is the time when parents and children 
run the risk of getting into one of those terrible, deep-seated 
misunderstandings that sometimes are never cleared up. 
Occasionally they appear in the form of open rebellion, but 
more often in the form of that silence and reserve that seems 
to fall like a wall between the two and prevent forever any 
real understanding. Often too in the form a continual ex-
change of biting criticism and hostile remarks. . . 

"Adolescence, the age between two ages" will have nofhing 
to do with absolute authority, and yet is still incapable of a 
wise use of liberty. 

It is a critical period of transition that demands careful 
guidance. "As with nations so with individuals, emancipation 
must be gradual; absolute despotism must be followed by some 
nascent form of constitutional limitation and then fuller liberty 
in larger and larger measure," Spencer has said. Your son is 
at an age when some nascent form of constitutionalism is most 
suitable, some compromise system of transition between an 
authoritarian regime and a "liberal" regime. 

Treat him then as a person whose feelings are to be re-
spected, as a person not yet completely formed, but as a per-
son. Always demand respect and obedience from him, but 
temper your demands in accordance with what you know of his 
personality. Appeal to his reason, to his conscience, to his 
sense of responsibility. Treat him like a man who is re-
sponsible for his action by praising him when he does well, and 
reprimanding him for his faults. 

It is a dangerous thing to refuse young people a certain 
legitimate exercise of their liberties. Human nature cannot take 
sudden changes in stride. A boy whose life, all through high 
school, has been regulated for him in the smallest details can-



41 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

not without danger be turned out to face the world with all 
its temptations—made more attractive to him because of his 
new infatuation with liberty. The very constraint under which 
he lived until but yesterday makes him want to exploit to the 
full his new liberty. By a kind of constitutional regime, then, 
which you are constantly adapting to the changes that occur 
in him, you will be able to guide your son successfully from 
the close supervision of childhood to the liberty of adulthood. 

In these matters young people at times show an astounding 
amount of good judgment in regard to their own limitations. I 
remember one study club of high-school juniors who were dis-
cussing this question, "Ought there to be some one to preside 
in the study hall?" Of course their first answer was a unan-
imous and spontaneous "No!" Yet after reflection they ar-
rived at this conclusion; "In prep school there should be, but 
not in college." "And what about for yourselves," they were 
asked. "Without one," they answered, "we would start out 
seriously enough, but we'd soon begin to 'cut up. '" 
. . . adolescence, the age between two ages. 

Foerster has something very helpful to say about the 
adolescent's attitude toward authority: "Is the adolescent really 
opposed to authority? Except to an overbearing attitude on 
the part of authority, only in appearance. . . . This time of 
life wants moral guidance and help more than any other. The 
adolescent wants to follow the adult, but nevertheless he wants 
to follow him in his own way and on his own initiative. He 
does not want to be tied to his mother's apron strings, and 
does not want to be ordered about in a curt, humiliating way. 
In Ibsen's play, the "Lady from the Sea" says to her husband 
as she returns to their home, "I am coming back to you now 
Hal, and I can, because now I am doing it freely and on my 
own initiative. Every young person is in a position to use these 
same words to any teacher or parent who has dropped despotic 
authority in time. Of course, the adolescent must learn to 
take without question an order of things that he is incapable 



42 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

of judging. At the same time he must learn to contribute 
actively to that order and not remain forever the hereditary 
enemy of the very principle of order. Such a warped attitude 
will ruin his character and deprive it of ail the disciplinary 
value of the training received. It is imperative—and people do 
not worry about it nearly enough—to spiritualize discipline, to 
make it interior. I mean, to show young people the truly 
marvelous results they can effect in the development of their 
character, and even for the salvation of their souls, by a con-
stant endeavor to accept voluntarily the disciplinary measures 
that are imposed on them by competent authority. 

Collaboration 

In conclusion we must recall that this work is one of col-
laboration among all those who have a hand in the training of 
the adolescent. 

Parents and teachers must get together and talk over their 
observations being careful to keep the rules of a wise discre-
tion. This kind of cooperation will be of especial advantage 
to those parents who are novices in the art of training a grow-
ing boy or girl. This may be the first time they have had to 
handle the adolescent and his problems, while the teacher has 
all kinds of experience in the field. School publications will be 
of great help in keeping parents well informed. 

Adolescence is also a critical period in the physical develop-
ment of a youth. Regular medical examinations are advis-
able from the time when growth first begins to take on the 
typically adolescent characteristics until it has stopped. Some 
schools have a bi-annual medical examination with parental 
permission, and have found it to be very profitable. 

A word about such formative organizations as the Boy 
Scouts and Catholic Action in the training of the adolescent: 
in as much as they are perfectly adapted to the psychology 
of the adolescent and call on his initiative and sense of re-
sponsibility, and develop in him a spirit of social service and 



THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 43 

devotion to a cause, they are indispensible. You want your 
growing boy to get interested in, and devoted to, some cause. 

It is up to you never to let this great work that is yours 
become merely an amusing experience in practical psychology, 
but always to make it a work into which you put your heart 
and soul. It is also up to you to see to it that this task does 
not interfere with your duties to the rest of society and espe-
cially to the other facets of your family life. 



44 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

MARY'S PART IN HIS TRAINING 

The training of a human being is a divine thing. Divine 
because of the nobility of the end proposed: to form men and 
true sons of God. Divine, too, because without the help of 
God such a lofty task is impossible. 

Among the helps that God gives, the Blessed Virgin Mary 
takes a prominent place. Your boys and girls should have 
frequent recourse to her, and you parents as well. 

Mary and the Adolescent r 

First of all inspire in your son a real devotion to his 
heavenly Mother. 

All men need Mary, but the need that the adolescent has 
for her who must guide him from childhood to full manhood 
has a special call on her attention. 

The adolescent is at the age in which the body comes to 
its full stature and is quite willing and anxious to get along 
without help from anybody, but also at the age in which the 
soul discovers its weakness. I t is for this soul of his that the 
young boy wants the help of a mother. True, he has his 
earthly mother, but a certain shame has come over him lately 
and prevents him from talking to her about some intimate 
things, some very intimate things. He calls on another Mother, 
the mother of his soul. The time has come to point out to 
him Our Lady of adolescents. 

What are those weaknesses of his soul? They are many: 
there are storms and anguish and often the first shipwreck. 
Then from his heart comes the cry that is heard on battle fields 
at night, "Mother 1 Mother 1" For the first time the adoles-
cent experiences human anguish and at the same time con-
fidence in the divine help which is the reward of his childhood 
prayer: "Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary, that never 
was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored 
thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. . . ." 



45 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Isn't this too the age of great enthusiasms, when the heart 
yearns to give itself entirely to Christ the King? But the 
adolescent feels very hesitant on the paths that lead to the 
Leader. To learn to live the life of full manhood that Christ 
has destined for him he needs a guide, and that guide is Mary. 
She understands so well the ways that her Son walked, the 
difficult ones and the easy ones, the sad ones and the joyous 
ones. She will take her new son by the hand, and guide his 
steps as she guided the baby steps of her first-born Son in 
Galilee long ago. 

Then too, beneath his mask of self-sufficiency the adolescent 
hides distress and a profound desire for tenderness and affec-
tion. He does not dare confide this secret pain to his earthly 
mother; that would be to admit to her that her love is not 
enough for him. Gropingly he seeks tenderness and love, a 
love that has nothing of the vulgar in it, nothing gross or im-
pure, a love that is "less a thing than the perfume of a flower." 
This is the providential time, show him now the All-Pure One, 
the Immaculate One, Mother of Fair Love. 

In the novel Le Grand Meaulnes which has been received 
with Such widely divergent estimates, the author, Alain-
Fournier has described quite perfectly the disquiet of soul of 
those less than twenty. The story of this fictionalized auto-
biography is as follows: One day during his adolescence 
Meaulnes saw, or rather dreamed he saw, a girl whom he loved 
with a chaste love. All during his youth he searched for her, 
but he could never find her. None of the women he ever met 
compared with the woman his adolescent heart had dreamed 
of. 

When Alain-Fournier who has no particular religion speaks 
of this search for the ideal woman envisioned by his pure adoles-
cent heart, he remarks in his journal: "I wonder if all this 
will not end in a triumph for the Virgin Mary?" 

So the struggles of every adolescent who remains faithful 
to the voice in his troubled heart cannot but end in the triumph 
of the Virgin Mary in that young heart. 



46 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Mary and Mothers 

Mothers too ought to turn to the Virgin Mary, to the one 
who in that hidden life at Nazareth stood by her Son so wonder-
fully from the very beginning of His childhood till the fullness 
•of His maturity at the age of thirty. 

Many mothers have confided their anguish and soul's sorrow 
to me as a priest, their anguish because of the new phenomena 
that trouble the lives of their children, their sorrows because 
of the silence and coldness of their growing boy, because of 
his lack of affection. Confronted with this selfish indifference 
on the part of their sons, many mothers have thought sadly 
to themselves, "It seems as if he does not understand how 
.much I love him!" 

The mother of many a fifteen-year-old suffers a real mar-
tyrdom. Her adolescent child has lost the candor of childhood 
that she loved so much, and now is jealous of his confidence. 
He puts on the mysterious, forbidding, and even cruel mask 
of the grown man. His brusque and harsh answers tear the 
womanly heart of his mother. His caprice and moodiness will 
•often throw a cold chill over a meal she has prepared so lov-
ingly. His conduct, so strange and alarming, his faults of 
•character make her worry for the future. He wants more and 
•more to get away from his home; he is careless and thought-
Jess about the way he does it. 

Yet the mother must keep silent about the suffering this 
.causes her. Why tell him? To make him feel remorse? If 
•he loved me he would understand! 

More than from this harshness, a mother suffers because 
she feels that her child is growing away from her to lead his 
life by himself. Until now her life had been joined intimately 
with that of her son, and now that sweet intimacy is disappear-
ing little by little, and leaving her with an empty feeling in her 
Iheart. 



47 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

Of course for the adolescent's own sake he must lead his 
life by himself, away from his mother. "He must increase, I 
must decrease." That sweet love she felt when she rocked 
her baby in her arms and enjoyed his intimate presence, must 
pass and give way, through sacrifice, to a truer love. 

It is hard, but it must be. Now is the time to turn to Mary. 
Hasn't she too known these same sorrows? After a wonderful 
and unique intimacy of thirty years she saw her Son leave 
her to lead His own life without her. 

Simeon predicted this sorrow for her, and she experienced 
it at the very beginning of Jesus' adolescence. It was when 
she lost Him at the Temple. Have you mothers ever thought 
about how harsh the Holy Child was to His Sorrowful Mother 
that day? 

He left His parents. It wasn't they who lost Him, but He 
who lost them. After three days of anguish they found Him: 
"Son why hast Thou treated us so? Think, what anguish of 
mind Thy father and I have endured searching for Thee." 
(Luke ii. 48.) Why have You treated us like this; why have 
You made us suffer? 

And what was the answer that the most thoughtful of sons 
gave His frantic mother? A harsh answer—I almost said the 
answer of an adolescent: "What reason had you to search for 
me? Could you not tell that I must needs be in the place which 
belongs to my Father?" (49.) Why were you looking for 
Me? That answer must have been truly a sword that pierced 
the heart of Mary. And-are we to think that Mary understood 
the divine meaning of the words her Son spoke? No, for the 
Gospel says at once—"And they did not understand what He 
had said to them." (50.) 

And what reason does Jesus give for His harshness—which 
even seems to be selfish? "I must needs be in the place which 
belongs to my Father." He must lead His own life; He has 
a mission to accomplish and for that reason He chooses to aban-
don His Mother. At that time Mary underwent a terrible 



48 THE TRAINING OF THE ADOLESCENT 

trial: Did Jesus doubt her love, her fidelity, or even her 
courage? No, she was ready to follow Him anywhere! 

No, Jesus did not doubt His Mother. He loved her, and 
when He left her He loved her more than ever. More than 
ever He wanted to work out the Redemption of the world to-
gether with her. But He must work according to His views, 
and these are not our poor, narrow human views. For the 
salvation of the world He wished to suffer heartbreak, abandon-
ment and complete dereliction throughout His life and His Pas-
sion and Death. For the salvation of the world He asked His 
Mother to bear the same heartbreak, the same dereliction. He 
chose to suffer alone, and He invited His Mother to suffer 
alone so that their painful separation might unite them more 
closely in the plan of Redemption. 

You mothers too must bear with courage your own sep-
aration from your son; it is for his good. You must be re-
signed to losing the pleasure and sweetness of keeping him 
always near you. It is only at this price that your son can 
play the part of a man in life. And by it you will merit for him 
the graces that will make of him a man and a Christian, for it 
is this that is really closest to your heart. By this sacrifice 
his life's work will also be yours, and your physical separation 
will truly become a spiritual union in this life and in eternity. 

Mothers of this earth, in your sufferings, turn to your 
heavenly Mother. She is in truth the Mother of all mothers. 
What your motherly hearts suffer she suffered before you. 

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