Hai Nguyen
First, we define the notion “Creator” as it is used in this article. From there, we discuss two important and contrary human beliefs.
Next, we present the situation of people who deal with troubles. From analyzing the change in their feeling, we withdraw a psychological mechanism describing the struggle between two contrary beliefs and the role of this struggle in dealing with troubles. In fact, this struggle is separated by two basic notions of time in our mind: The Past and The Future. In addition, we discuss the mutual relationship between the troubles relating to the Past and the troubles relating to the Future.
At last, we conclude about the importance of acknowledging and controlling these two contrary beliefs.
The notion “Creator” in this article doesn’t refer to the existence and nature of God in a particular religion. Each person has his or her personal image of God and this is not the subject of the present article. We will generally refer to the idea of the Creator as “someone or something that is directing the history and lives of humans”. This is not by far a definition but an example of conceptualization or, in a larger sense, a type of belief many of us have.
Every belief tends to have an opposite. The opposite belief in this case is the faith in our capability to guess, choose and decide our life and destiny by the power of our free-will. This belief is based on the assumption that humans have the ability of solving difficult problems and deciding for themselves.
We introduced by this two contrary and important beliefs, both related to the religious views of each person:
1. The belief in the prearrangement or predestination of our life, in destiny and the absolute power of the Creator. We can simply call it “the first belief”.
2. The belief in our capability to act, choose and decide for ourselves. We can simply call it “the second belief”.
Why do we consider these beliefs as important? We will understand their importance after considering the two cases below:
Situation 1: Being in a bad temper, a man raises his hand and slaps his wife on the face while they are arguing severely. The wife bursts out crying and runs out of the room. The man still stands there with a listless face. Finally he sits down slowly and thinks of all that has just happened. He begins feeling regret for his crude action. Obviously he had better choices than acting like he did. He could have restrained his anger and avoided making the argument become more serious. He could have decided to get out of the room. But he didn’t. He had an unacceptable behavior. Now he blames himself. He hardly can forgive himself for what has happened. He is experiencing a difficult moment in his life.
Situation 2: A couple has two children, a boy and a girl. The children always lived happily with their parents and the family’s life was very blissful. Until one day when the couple was numbed with the doctor’s conclusion that the wife suffered from a serious cancer. In spite of feeling very sorrowful, they decided not to tell their children the truth. However, the truth can’t be forever concealed. Day by day, the children realized that their mother’s health became worse. When they knew the truth, their mother became weaker than ever. They cried a lot in the mother’s arms. The mother passed away the next day.
The mother’s death changed the family’s life. The father tried his best to take care of both children. But he always felt powerless when he saw their ever-growing sadness. They gradually kept aloof from everybody (*). They didn’t want to go out of the house and play with neighboring children (**). They only wanted to stay at home and sit alone with their toys. Little by little, they lost all their friends. The father felt more sorrowful each time he saw his daughter with tears on her face embracing her mother’s portrait. The family was experiencing a tremendous crisis.
What can we make of the troubles of the man in first case and of the children in the second case? Where is the origin of the troubles in their spirit?
Does the man’s fatal mistake cause his regret? Does the mother’s death cause the sadness of the children?
The answer here is No. Many children in this world witnessed the decease of their father or mother. And many people used to make mistakes like loosing their temper. But not all those people feel so depressed. The troubles of the man and children in this article don’t originate directly from the events they met in their life. Those events are only the indirect conditions for the appearance of their troubles.
Their troubles originate directly from their beliefs:
In the first case, the man was obsessed by the thought that he is really a very crude person. He never had such a violent behavior with his wife before. He couldn’t believe he behaved like that. He assumed he was completely capable to restrain his temper and control his action. He could have avoided this difficult situation if he had tried his best to control himself. But after all, he didn’t. Now he can only blame himself.
It is not a matter of how serious his mistake is. A mistake is always a mistake. But what is important here is that his belief made that mistake become a burden. He would have felt comforted if he had believed that everything that happened is just the prearrangement, the predestination of the Creator and that he didn’t have any capability to change those things since the past can’t be changed. We are not debating whether this is a right belief or not but we emphasize the effect such a belief would have on the person’s state of mind. It is also not considered here whether the relief is a short or long term one.
The second case reflects the opposite situation. The children were nursed, sheltered in their mother arms since they were born. The mother always helped them. She also cheered them up, encouraged them each time they cried. Their mother was like a bright torch guiding their steps early in life.
Now, when their mother was no longer beside them, they faced a new type of life ahead. A tragic event which they never expected seems to be prearranged or predestinated. In this new situation, they feel lost and insecure. Everything around them seems to be strange, unfriendly, empty and possibly dangerous.
This made them feel sad, worried, lonely, scared and weak. They always felt the presence of their mother in their house. They only wanted to live again the former period when their mother was still alive (***). They didn’t want to accept any change in their house after their mother’s death. That’s why they kept aloof from everybody and chose a remote life.
The troubles we see in the children’s life originate directly from their beliefs. After the mother’s death, they believed their living is prearranged or predestinated. They easily believed a living like that will be very bad, very difficult and scary because their mother was no longer around to help and protect them.
They could have felt more self-confident if they would have bravely believed in their own ability to choose and decide their own life. They could have appreciated the love offered by close relatives, especially their father – the person who sacrificed a lot for them. They could have found consolation and the necessary strength to continue.
The two cases we have just presented above are typical for many other which reflect an important psychology mechanism describing the struggle between two contrary beliefs in our mind. This struggle is divided by two basic notion of time: The Past and The Future. This is why we distinguish between two types of troubles:
- The troubles relating to the Past.
- The troubles relating to the Future.
In the troubles relating to the Past, while “the second belief” is the origin of the troubles, “the first belief” will help release the inner tension. We can have another example for this case:
Imagine that you are a private teacher of a family. Your job is to teach Mathematics to a little boy. That job really isn’t easy because the pupil seems not to be very bright. It takes an hour for you to help him understand a lesson. You feel quite tired and annoyed. Then, you give him a problem which you believe is easy. But he can’t solve the problem although you gave him a lot of time. Now, you get irritated, the class ends early and you go home angry.
In this case, your trouble also originates from your belief. You believe the boy is completely capable to understand your explanation, that he seems to be teasing you on purpose by pretending not to understand what you say or solve the problem. Why don’t you believe all that happened is not the fault of the child? The truth is that the boy really doesn’t want to make you angry and these difficulties are an unavoidable part of your job as a teacher.
Now, let us go on with the troubles relating to the Future. In this case, while “the first belief” is the origin of the troubles, “the second belief” will be help release the inner tension.
I think there’s no example better than the situation of disabled persons. Their situation is very unfortunate. Many of them feel they can’t have a normal life. They want to be left alone and are exposed to extreme anxiety. They seem condemned to accept their harsh destiny.
However, there are persons in this situation that don’t think like this. They don’t want to accept such a destiny. They want to work and have families like any other person. They want to rise, to strive for their wishes and be valuable members of their community. Some of them try learning carpentry, other persons learn sewing (most of them are women) or train their intellectual capacities. As an example: close to me is a man who lost both of his arms and uses his toes to draw very beautiful pictures showing his thirst to make the most of his talent.
In the end we want to present a regularity which acts almost as a “law” in most cases. That is: the troubles relating to the Past tend to cause troubles relating to the Future and vice versa. For example:
In the case of the man at the beginning of this article, if he continues blaming himself for all that happened he will easily lose the belief in his capacity to do something to change his difficult situation (****). He could have apologized to his wife. He could have made more efforts for their relationship to become better. But he didn’t. Instead he thought of doing something to help him release the inner tension and started drinking. At last, he got back home drunk, met his wife right at the door and started another fight.
I have already presented the effect of these two important and contrary beliefs (that are connected to our religious views) on the troubles in our life. The control of these beliefs has an important role in balancing our inner state of mind. It can help us avoid the troubles we meet so often and make our life better.
Notes
(*),(**),(***): “…A vicious circle begins when the environment provides fewer rewards for the person. As depression intensifies, such people feel so badly that they to stop doing the things that ordinarily give them pleasure, depressed people complain a good deal, seek excessive reassurance and support from others, and generally become less likeable. These behaviors eventually begin to alienate others, and cause them to shy away from the depressed person… (Lewinsohn et al, 1985 ; Nezlek et al, 2000).” (in Passer and Smith, 2001, pg. 30).
(****) : “…Depressed people can find the black cloud that surrounds every silver lining. They tend to blame themselves for negative things that occur while taking no personal credit for the good things that happen in their lives, and they generally feel that the world, the self, and the future are bleak and hopeless (Beck, 1991).” (in Passer and Smith, 2001, pg. 29).
Reference
Passer, M.W. & Smith, R.E. (2001). Psychology , Frontiers and Applications, McGraw-Hill.
Biographical Note
The author studied Physics in Vietnam National University Ho Chi Minh, the Natural Science College, from 2000 to 2002, and Information Technology at the same University from 2004 to 2006. His interests in Psychology: Beliefs and Attitudes, Memory, Emotion.
E-mail: hai8805@yahoo.com.