Variety of NEWS for all Palates, As Certainties, Probabilities, etc.  
TO the first, There is nothing of greater truth then the blessings that accompanies His Majesty's happy Government, have already made His Subjects in Great Britain, forget their bypast miseries: And what a harmony is twixt His Majesty and Parliament of England, you may perceive by this ensuing extract from the English Intelligencer.  

Westminster.  
His Majesty was graciously pleased to send a Letter, dated the 22. instant to Sir Edward Turner, Speaker of the House of Commons, to be communicated to the House; wherein His Majesty having acquainted them of the great design, He formerly told them He had to make His Progress this Summer, to visit Worcester and other places to pay God thanks for His miraculous deliverances, doth withal mind them of some Bills which He had told them were prepared for them for confirmation of what was enacted at their last meeting, more particularly the high value His Majesty had of the Act of Indemnity, for the dispatch of which, His Majesty assured them that could He have used stronger expressions for the speedy dispatch of it, He would have done it, and that He thought what He said, would have made an impression in all who profess a desire to serve H●m, and that He expected every day it would be presented for another Assent; His Majesty farther acquaints them, that He hath heard they have already prepared some good Bills (for which He hearty thanks them) ready for the Royal Assent, yet that He hath not a mind to pass them, till the Act of Indemnity be likewise presented: upon which, His Majesty saith (if they take His word) most of His quiet and good depends, and in which He is sure His honour is concerned. His Majesty therefore again conjures them, with all earnestness possible, to pass the Act in the same terms He hath already passed it (to which His Majesty takes Himself obliged) and that they will at present lay aside all private business to betake themselves to the Public, that they may be ready to adjourn by the middle of the next month.   

Whitehall.  
His Majesty taking special notice of the prudent managery of affairs by Don Francisco de melo, Comte de Ponte, Ambassador extraordinary from the King of Portugal, how by his constant care and faithful applications he hath not only satisfied the desires of his own Master the King of Portugal, who, out of a long and natural affection to the English, always wished for a nearer alliance with this Crown, but withal afforded such vast advantages to the people of England, as could not be expected from any one Nation, besides that incomparable blessing which these Kingdoms will enjoy, in that most excellent Princess, Donna Katherine, the Infanta of Portugal, that such faithful and eminent services for the mutual benefit of his own and these Kingdoms, might not be passed by without some signal mark of His Majesty's favour, was graciously pleased Himself to give an invitation to the Ambassador to dine with His Royal Person at Whitehall on Thursday the 27. instant. And that this Royal invitation might (are fare as could) be answered with a fitting solemnity on that day, the Right Honourable the Earl of Bedford, together with Sir Charles Cotterell Master of the Ceremonies to his Majesty, went with his Majesty's and his Royal Highness the Duke of York's Coaches, with several other Coaches belonging to the chiefest of the Nobility to the Ambassadors house, and thence conducted him with his whole Retinue to Whitehall: where being come, after the hearty salutes of the whole Court, the Ambassador was placed at the same Table with His Majesty. Whilst this high honour was given to the Ambassador, those worthy Gentlemen of his Retinue were with all respect provided for, being treated at the Tables of James Duke of Ormond Lord Steward, and Edward Earl of Manchester Lord Chamberlain of His majesty's Household.   

London, July, 2. 1661.  
Yesterday the House of Commons heard witness as to such of the late King's Tryers who are dead, and voted that their Estates should be forefeited to His Majesty. The Lord Mounson, Sir Henry Mildmay, and Mr. Robert Wallop, were also brought before the House of Commons upon their knees: the first confessed his fault with much regrate, and pleaded that he was drawn into such an horrid Act, for which he was very sorry, and acknowledged his sitting in the pretended High Court of Justice. Sir Henry Mildmay was sorry for his misguiding: but said that he fell out with Cromwell about the prosecution against His late Majesty, that some Members of the House being going to Dinner, he was drawn to go into Westminster-Hall, and was a Spectator, but did not vote in the Court, though his being present, was proved. Mr. Wallop craved pardon of the the House, was sorry that he should be named in such a vile Commission, but was an old frail man, and did not remember that he sat in the pretended High Court: (it was also proved he was also present, June 23. 1648.) Sir James Harrington appeared not, but it was proved that he sat in the High Court of Justice upon the whole. The House of Commons resolved, that the Estates Real and Personal of the said four Persons, should be forefeited to His Majesty; that they should be drawn from the Tower to Tyburn upon Hurdles with Ropes about their necks, and thence to several Prisons to remain during life.  
Since my last, we understand from Dunkirk, that the Country have paid in their contributions to that Garrison, notwithstanding the orders that were alleged to be given against it.   

Probabilities.  
It is twenty to one but the 75000. Florins, which the Religious Hollanders have advanced for reparation of the walls of Geneva (chance to miscarry) if it be entrusted to such Elders hands as were the contributions of the Protestants of Lucerna.  
It is probable, that the Pope may drink his Albano in security, since the League and Covenant, which our Levites told us should have brought the Vatican about his ears, made so solemn a halt over all England on the 29. of May last; and its mother, the National Covenant, had the honour to be burnt at Musleburgh much about the same time, in the bosom of Bessy Fouler, that renowned Fishwitch.  
It is probable if Caledonius had writ in Anno 1649. the cuff of his Neck might have passed for Bran and his Buttocks for Bacon; for his head would been as toothsome to some, as the foreskin of a Philistin was to Saul.  
If it be true that is reported of an Island, newly discovered, fifty Leagues to the west of Ireland, and that the Inhabitants be of so large a bulk as ten yards in length, and three of breadth; It seems not to be that so much mentioned enchanted Island, sometimes seen on the west Isles of Scotland, named in the Map, O Brazil, and by our Philosophers in the Hebrides, Rockcolle: But much more probable that it must be some of the Benign Planets, who wearied with the lies and reproaches put upon it by the Astrologers of this World; and to confound their observations, the discreet Planet hath joined herself to that part of the Globe which is under the Protection of our Dread Sovereign. They report the Inhabitants are very wise and moral, and a knowledge much exceeding that of our Distinguishers; and this is the reason why some thinks it rather a Colony, sent from the Moon to instruct our World of the true natural causes of all those mysteries which raises such heat and contention amongst the Pedants in our Schools, so it is hoped if we had once communication with them, the common answer of Oculia qualitas, so much used by our Philosophers in matters they do not understand, shall be quite banished.  
If any one now in the Dog days eat immoderately of the black tailed Pouts that are catched in the Cannongate, it is probable he may purchase a pair of everlasting Breeches though possibly the Fancies of them chance to prove expensive.   

A LETTER from the Prince of Tartar's Secretary, to the City Recorder of Cockany.  
SIR,  
I Shall not at this time be so large, as to give an account of all the adventures his Highness met with in traversing the Country, reserving that for a large description of itself: But I shall tell you of an accident that had almost split my weak Noddle, if I had not been strongly fortified with read Ale, Unions and Aquavitie, which I drunk at the Mure Alehouse, with a reduced Major of Pryds Regiment, who is very well satisfied to be Tapster of the place.  
It was, Sir, at Midsummers' Eve, a night when the King of Fairy and Prince of the Air, are accustomed to parad towards the skirts of Glentannarwood, a sort of spiritual Grotesque in a brown Suit and black Buttons, flat Shoes, a tipped Virginia skulcap, with an Antipiscopall Hat, and above 7000. Ladies and Women of all stations and sizes; nay, even to the courser sort of Chambermaids and Spinsters: As also, a considerable number of Tradesmen and Shopkeepers; all with melancholy aspects, in a straggling disorderly way they marched after him. By his retinue I judged him a Tinker, but he told me no, and that he was a Schoolmaster of a Country Hamlet in Fife, his name was engraven upon a Posset-cap in a great Golgatha; I asked if he intended for London or Edinburgh, to inherit the Benefices of Parson Pe●ers and Mr. James Guthery, he answered no, his business was for America, to whom he was to address himself to the King of Bantam, who is a Cadet of the Aethiopian John, to whom he was to discover greater secrets of Policy▪ than ever have been heretofore done by Plato, Matchiavell, or Bodin; for in respect of him they were but Pedees', for the matter of conquering and subduing of Nations: The pretext of Religion says he, is of so Tiffany invention, that the people through it do soon discover the bareness of the Breech, that Arms again were too lasting, and after once fitted, they were loath to part with them; but the cheapest and securest way he affirmed, was by the mighty power of a Rogero infuriato & implacabile, which he undertaken to prove both by History and Tradition, was not Jupiter, said he, the son of Saturn and King of Latium, not only a grand Conqueror, but reverenced for a god; and yet never no noise of his Wars for topting the third part of the World, as Floods, Mountains, and Beasts, and that was Europa. How do you think that I being a Bumpkin Pedant came by all this train, Mafoy Monsieur a force de bien labourer, etc. There's not one of these poor wretches you see here, but I'll undertake before I want the least satisfaction of my senses, but they will pawn the best of their moveables, nay even to their Crumbs of comfort, or Wedding smocks; and the only reason as I told you, Je me fou d'eux & de toute leur famile.  
This horrid Policy did highly astonish me, yet when I considered the influence such Hypocritical impostures hath had upon the weaker understandings, I thought it not so strange. I than demanded him which way he intended to transport his Tribe, he replied so soon as I once get to the west Coast of Whigmeria, I shall meet with souls so precious and of so great faith, as in two day's time shall waft us to our journey's end: I wished him a good voyage, and told him, if he would obliedge this Country that he should leave none of his brethren behind; but in stead of a reply, I found he and all was evanished, which made me conclude, that this must have been the Ghost of some grand Seducer and his company, the souls of such that died in his belief. You may communicate this to such as can make the best use of it. In the mean time I am  
Your humble Servant, John Dow, Mackermoch.  
Postscript.  
Our Prince resolves to sojurne at Kincairn Oneil, partly to see the Solemnities at Bartel Fair, partly to recover a weakness in his back, occasioned by the Bailies Daughter of Bervy, as she was sucking out a Corn in his great toe: the last Letters he had from his royal Father signified as much, that he had taxed his Empire for 20000. Cratszoniskies, which in our money comes to five Marks, for the charges of his return: In the mean time he hath Bills of credit from Buckhaven to all the North-coast to furnish him with all sort of Fish.   

For my old Acquaintance, T. S.  
SIR,  
SO long as you were taken up in collecting the Occurrences of the world, and exposing them to the public, I thought it not good manners to disturb you; but now that I have failed so long, both in hearing from you, and receiving any of these little Memento's of you, I adventured this, to rid me of doubts. Is it possible that you have quit the pen for the Witches prine? Are all your projects in serving your Country come to exorcism? Are your voluminous pains and singular contrivances regalled with Slate▪ stone's? The fault certainly was yours, either that you had outrun yourself and could start nothing new, or you have assumed too much liberty in, etc. and so received a check; or, as I have lately heard, your Cros-langing the Country, in the Great Enquiry, doth totally take you up. Can you have spared your pains, you might have found venerable ones at home, O! What a sweet thing is it to suck the exhalations of such a Carbanadoed one? how welcome will these souls be to your World in the Moon, while they mount enwrapped in these smoky sulphureous vapours of the black rock, where they are pythagorically transmitted as a new colony. But I hope, Thom, if you be so taken up in this inquest that you are not so wedded to it as you can not leave it, which I could hearty wish, or if it be otherwise that you cannot quite it brevi manu, inquire after others in the like sin, enough unfound out one's as yet: firk me these transgressors who hath gold to choke you, dig in their Urns, and rake not the calcined ashes of that poor simple deluded Sex: yet when I consider, I cannot blame you, for it is better to play at small game then sit out; and since you cannot acquire a fat Rebel, rather than altogether want, a lean witch will still keep you in possession of your pretence, their sins and punishment being equal. I shall conclude with this, that you project how to stay at home, for among all your Comrades none shall be more desireous of it then  
Your humble Servant. A. W.   
FINIS.