THREE SPEECHES, Being such Speeches as the like were never spoken in the City.  
The first by Master Warden to the fellows of his Company, touching the Affairs of the Kingdom.  
The second by Mistress Warden, being her observations on her Husband's Reverend Speech, to certain Gentlewomen of Ratliffe and Wapping.  
The third by Mistress Wardens Chambermaid as she was dressing her Mistress, the Wisdom and Learning whereof will amaze your judgements.  
Published by Antibrownistus Puritanomastix.  
Printed at London for S. R. 1642.   

Three Speeches, Being such Speeches as the like was never spoken in the City.  
The first by Mr. Warden to the fellows of his Company, touching the Affairs of the Kingdom.  
The second by Mistress Warden, being her observations on her Husband Reverend Speech, to certain Gentlewomen of Ratliffe and Wapping.  
The third by Mistress Wardens Chambermaid as she was dressing her Mistress: The wisdom and learning whereof will amaze your judgements.  

Brethren and fellow Counsellors. I begin with an acknowledgement of thanks for your election of me to wag my beard amongst you this day▪ for the good of the Commonwealth, I confess myself as very a Woodcock as the best of you, yet (with your patience) I will express my simple affection to the Weal public, to show the spleen of my shallow capacity.  
Be pleased first to consider the Liturgy of the Church, now generally spoken against by grave and Orthodox Coachmen, Weavers and Brewers Clerks, and grown od●ous to our she divines, who look asquint with the very thought of it, what this Liturgy is I know not, nor care not, yet as simple as I am, I believe it is a hard word, either Greek or Latin, or both: whence I conclude if no hard word, no Greeke or Latin nor any that know them aught to come within the Discipline of the Church, but plain Hebrew and English. Let us then avoid t●is Liturgy, and if it concern the Common Prayer, (as my singular good wife saith) then questionless if the new Convocation be but as wise as himself they will doom it to be burnt, nay and consumed as the logs in Lincoln in Fields were, for it hath caused the Gospel to prosper so slowly under Preaching Tradesmen, and Lay Clergymen, who have coupled in laborious conjunction to procreate young Saints in this new faith, making Barns, Stables, Woods, Sawpits, old Ditches, Cellars open houses of Office their private Synagogues, where unseen of the wicked they may do what I will not speak, but speak I will again of and against this Liturgy, the Heathen word Liturgy, which if blotted out of the Church, they would increase and multiply spiritual Children and make them swarm in Parishes. For having liberty and being strong of spirit, through high f●re, they are so zealously impudent that they would go too't in the streets; but I will conclude with good man Green's Hebrew Exhortation, Quicquid liber cuquodlibet▪ away with the Liturgy, and so say I  
For the Militia Brethren, I know not the words signification, yet I conceive it absolutely requisite, because the King doth absolutely oppose it. This Militia is a hard word too, and if not Hebrew (for then I could love it) it shows that hard word words fit the Camp better than the Church, my observation holding it necessary, that Scholars who understand hard words should be military Officers, and those that understand nothing should be Churchmen. This Militia affords a glorious sight in the Leaders, in their Gold and Silver, large Horses, Gorgets, leading Staves, being ornament in War, and a witty policy in a case of surprisal by the enemy, to carry their Ransumes in their rich habi●e and 'tis a brave sight to see their Buff and Scarlet flesh, and not stained with one drop of blood, the new Drums and Ensigns, peals of shot wounding the Air, more courigiously I verilly believe than if it were the enemy. I that near discharged a piece before rejoiced to hear not to see my Gun crack, for indeed I winked, yet in my conscience durst I have charged a Bullet I could have hit the great Tent twenty foot off. Well, the Militia is a brave invention to consume Powder, and furnish weekly employment for want of Trading as heart can wish, and fit in my opinion to be ordained Colonel of all hard City words since the Conquest of Wat Tyler and jack Straw. This Militia leads me to my third Argument, which I hope to handle with as much discretion as formerly, that is the extirpation of Papists.  
Let us with elevated Notes smell out their treacheries, and root them out not swinishly with our Noses but let us like our Ancestors be horned beasts, that yoking ourselves together, we may Plough them up like the Earth. Let us cross them till they fear to cross the way of us lest we account it superstitious; and let all that are not of my opinion, and wisdom, be reputed Papists. Let the honourer of the Name of jesus be held a jesuite, a Graduate, in the Universities a Seminary, and both be charitably hanged, drawn, and quartered for high Treason. Let no woman wear beads unless it be Pearle-beades in a Hatband, because my wife (that piece of devout obstinacy) esteems that a decent wearing, thereby expressing the haughty pride of a Citizen's wife▪ Moreover lets draw the King (if we can) to favour no man for learning, wit, affability, or any perfection unless he be a Round-head, that can pray four hours more vehemently than the best Divine can pray a quarter, and loves none but English and Hebrew Sermons as I do; though I understand not this Hebrew, yet I honour it, as being the Language of Amsterdam, and of Lay-Doctors; such Amsterdam godly men would make glorious Courtiers, the King's Graces would be longer than morning and evening prayers are; the reversion of his Diet not given away but swiftly devoured, etc. Ambassadors without Audience would be answered by the instinct of the Spirit, long locks would be changed to large Ears, Masks and Plays to Conventicles and Psalm singing, and their very sight would affright Taffeta sinners from coming near the Throne of Majesty, and they themselves become the prime sinners of the Kingdom. Would they not also be fit for Statesmen? would not How the Cobbler make a special Lord Keeper? or Walker a Secretary of State? or the Lock-smith that Preached in Crooked Lane ●n excellent Master of the Wards? the Tailor at Bridewell Dock might be Master of the Liveries, the Master of the Horse a Lords Preaching Groom, and Brown the Up-holsterer might be Groom of the Bedchamber, and I that am Warden of the Company would be Warden of the Cinque-ports. If we could attain these preferments, (as I fear we shall not) how would we then firk the Popish any malignant Party, they should be made Traitors, and superstitious Innovators, and Latin in a Sermon should be flat damnation. We would be Devils incarnate to plague those Papists that stand upon a Philosophy, reason and sense; as if reason and sense and such fooleries pertained to Religion and the spirit. But I must correct my rapture, now I think on it in cooler blood we 〈◊〉 not have all the sway, the King's part will bear half, and though we are self conceited▪ the wiser sort hold us Roundheads to be but zealous silly, mad fools, nay Cuckolds; yet I have showed my affection to this happy change which you and I desire, and we would then call a perfect Reformation. And here my invective against Papists ends I will plunder my brains next with the design for Ireland, belabouring the Subject in such a manner as if I were a railing Lecturer, that you may crown me Cob-warden of all Wardens in Europe or New England. In this design two things are considerable Reparution of losses past, and Expectation of profit to come; the losses are more than Arithmetic can number, for many since the Rebellion in Ireland have wittily compounded their debts here under pretence of losses there, which I confess I would myself have followed, but that it being contrary to City pride, I must have lost my Wardenship, and my wife must have given the wall which would break her heart, or breed between us a heart-breaking dissension. But this was a trick to enrich Debt-books, to treble Estates, to cousin Creditors, and the Commission of Bankrupts I tickle with the conceit of this power of knavery, whereby they might have preserved money to buy Land after the Conquest of Ireland. By your Hum given to my Speech I do discern your liking thereof, and you show that you will follow my advice be not pacified to return again. Secondly the mighty benefit thence accrueing makes me press this design; the purchases may be exceeding profitable to Money-mongers, as my man jehosophat Singularity cast them up this morning; besides the soldiers shall get invisible benefit and treasure of honour, which they would be hindered to obtain by having lands and estates, they may come home lame, maimed, and lousy, and having got a Pension keep Alehouses, or Tobacco-sconces, a Fortune fit for smoking Soldiers. To conclude, for my speeches coming off with a a twang and pleasing tone, and to show the Garland of my good will to the public; concerning fears and jealousies now possessing the Kingdom, I will only grant you out a modicum, and end with as much modesty▪ gravity and wisdom as I began.  
The dangerous consequence of these fears and jealousies are not to be compared with any other time or Nation, but who can tell what they are, or from whence they arise, but cause there is for both, and much cause as may be discerned by the much talking of them▪ and your present snoring now so loud is the effect of this fear, fears and jealousies having kept you waking, and so consequently made you sleepy, and myself do suspect and fear lest my man jehosaphat should prove a carnal Boy, and get my Daughter Dorcas with child; for jehosaphat hath said prayers at a Conventicle, and the Girl hath a strain both of Father and Mother in her, and such a Conjunction would to the grief of our spirit, and compunction of our hearts disgrace all Protestations and Reformations by such a procreation, if jehosophat should graft on my Daughter a young Warden that could not be baked in a Pie, but must be bred up with great disgrace and charges. Your neighbour Gripe do fear lest your wife should know that you keep a whore at Putney, and your brother Brush fear hanging for speaking high treason against the King, this we are in fear. As for jealousies we are all zealous of our crimes, and jealous of our servants, and thus we have considerable grounds for fears and jealousies, though we know not how to prevent their effects; for neither the Militia, he stopping of Ports, nor holding Garrison Townes, can keep our wives, daughters and servants honest if they will Cuckold us, no Italian locks can keep a Thief or enemy out of their private Boxes or long chests; your wife, neighbour Spider may be unknown to us all now doing the ●eate, for I saw Green the Feltmaker go that way as I came to the Hall. O tremble no● neighbour, for no doubt she is spiritual and secret, and would thereby abate fleshly desires, which that act doth mortify as much as the longest fast. There are other fears and jealousies though as I said I know not their Original, yet fear we may lest the Devil should take vengeance on us for our Extortions, and consenage in the sale of our commodities, yet fear is vain in certainties, though still we will fear and be jealous; for when the danger comes we shall know the cause, until than I will sit down, sleep, and be silent.   

Mistress Wardens Observations upon her Husband's Reverend Speech, in the presence of certain Gentlewomen of Ratliffe and Wapping.  
MOst pure and chosen of the Times, my Daughters and Companions in Predestination, whereas some profane wretches have laughed and gibed at Mr. Warden himself, and his thrice endowed Speech, and at our Petition concerning redress of State matters penned by as zealous a Brewer's Clerk as ever prayed in Hebrew, I know you will not doubt that truth, which a learned friend of ours hath ignorantly and impudently set forth, that Democracy, Aristocracy, etc. or Hypocracy are as much from God as Monarchy, which Position shows his wisdom in his ignorance by proving nothing. It holds that a Stable or House of Office are places, and as ancient as Churches, therefore as proper to teach in; and as in this so in other matters we may confide and trust in our own opinions before all things, which inference throws me fitly on my Husband's Argument of the Malitia.  
The Malitia (dear Daughters of the Pint) already faithfully handled by a great observance, and learnedly by my husband afford, my fi●st observation, that as we are borne for our Country, and eve●●●an is next to himself it followe● that if men be bound to hazard their estates, wives and children to requite them for their security and protection, so that it appears the Malitia is a mutual bond of men's estates and affections, and a legal invention to keep the City loyal to the King and to make the King confide in the City. Besides, the Militia is beneficial to Feather-makers, Brokers, and other dutiful subjects, whereas the Commission of Array is another thing and if any presume to think it legal yet there is an equity in the Law beyond the Letter, by which we may dispense with our estates and consciences, believe what we list, and take up new Opinions and Arms, as we shall think fitting for Church or Commonwealth. Nor are we now bound to confide in the Exposition of judges and Lawyers before our own. But as my double-comb Husband hath often said, Oh what a flourishing Commonwealth should we see if it were contrived into Halls and Companies, and governed by Wardens and Masters? It would be very like that Model of Church Government laid down by that seditious Fox of the Church, who begot the Protestation protested. And now I am come so near the Church, I will handle my Husband's point as it stands. The Language of the Liturgy is nothing, for 'tis confessed the unlearned may know enough to be saved, ergo learning is needless; and if needless, why not profane? nay if learning were either necessary or convenient the Scriptures would enjoin it, but the most unlearned may be saved, nay are saved: ergo learning is neither necessary nor convenient, and consequently if not Learning neither Reason nor sense. For as that man of Revalations Mr. Greene proves it fully, ignorance and noise are sufficient marks of our Election, and sanctified Mr. Hunt in his Tale of a Tub, both maintain that Learning is a trouble and vexation to Religion. Moreover it is as lawful for women as men to be Bishops (if Bishops were lawful) which we must deny, for 'tis Orthodoxly believed that Bishops are Antichristian, not because of their estates and honours, which are not to be despised if placed upon the right Saints, and resigned to us and our righteous seed, who ought to inherit the earth. And we give thanks that in despite of the profane bridle of the Laws, the bowels of our hope is somewhat enlarged. The Anabapaists excellently deny all the Scriptures than make against them and we, and so do we calling them Apocryphal▪ A Barn, a Stable or any hole are places proper to our Doctrine and conversation, for a Church makes not Religion, but our religion makes any place a Church, where we congregate in the spirit to feel as well as hear, and what Church can be more universal for Simplicisme, Dotagisme, and Hypocrisis●e. The Antichristian Wardrobe will serve the Kirke of Scotland and Amsterdam, wondering that our Brothers of Scotland could at their first coming hither, overlook this trumpery in the Church, when they begged the loads of it.  
Concerning my Pearl Hatband which my Husband mentions in his Speech, I never wore it with any pride since he compared it to Popish Beads, though there be some wholesome principles, which we scorn to own from the jesuites, but from our own inventions, being the rule of all our Faith Hope and Charity. That Church holdeth Ignorance the Mother of Devotion, so do we: They have Revelations, Visions, Dissensions, so have we: they have shrifts, venial sins with Sisters, or with a Neighbour's wife, so have we: they allow deposing and regulating of Princes and ruling over Church and State, so would we do: Lastly they hatch Faction., deny all this inwords, but grant it in deeds, and so do we. And though we cannot endure a Surplice or Cross, the Popish Bulls, nor jesuits'▪ yet we hold it lawful by the same virtue of Equivocations and mental reservations to cheat, swear, and lie in a holy Cause. So that whether the jesuite or we were the best or most honest Sub●ect, would be a hard question, if we were suffered to make our own Laws. And ●herea● my Husband speaks out of his good will concerning the advancement of ●he holy Brethren, methinks it would be a more heavenly sight to see Mr. How, 〈…〉 grave observator himself in his Bar Gown, mounted on the steps at the Banqueting house in Whitehall, expounding Chapters to the Courtiers and Cavaliers, and to have all the Privy Counsel chosen out of the Elect, the Pensioner's Lay-Dostors, and the Guard devout Elders, then for the Lord Chamberlain, Groom of the Stool, and Bedchamber (places most fitting for women) some of the holy Sisters, taught to resist the world of flesh, and the Devil in the Zion of New England, that both the King and State might the more securely confide in their continence and purity. Let us all fling up the whites of our eyes in an holy hope, that the strong breathing of the Spirit may stir up some worthy instrument to say amen to the work. But to draw to a conclusion, because I perceive by your twinkling eyes, and licking of your lips that you would feign be at your Devotions, I shall but wag my Petticoat at the first of his two last Reasons concerning Ireland. And I observe that the Spirit doth always help us to overcome our Adversaries the Protestants, for if we break in knavery or begary we may still have a Land of Promise to sly to. Yet sincerely though living in Ireland might be very advantageous, I know not what to say, since no venomous beast will live there as they do in New England, therefore I will speak little of that design, for I had rather all the Soldiers were in Hull than in Ireland; for if the King take it, it will put the Brethren to many hard Texts, and tedious prayers, and even break the heart of the Conventicle. And therefore let any reverend Round-head that is not a Cuckold, judge what fear or jealousy can be like that? Therefore it is high time to best●r●us (Mistress Sprit-sayle pray lend the Chamber-pot) and so I will conclude all with another quart, and with this application.   

A Speech made by Mistress Wardens Chambermaid.  
Mistress Wardens Chambermaid called Abigail, was a pretty white-faced thing, of a right Puritan complexion, and thought (as other maids do) to get a Husband by a simpering show of Religion. She had offended her Mistress in bringing up her clean warm s●●●k too late one morning when she was to go very early to a Conventicle, and being chidden for this delinquency, to vindicate her diligence, and confirm her words, through passion she said 'twas true by the Mass. Her Mistress presently taking notice of the abominable word Mass, grew exceeding angry with Abigail, and called her Reprobate, and baggage Papist. The colour in Abigailes cheeks risen at her words, scorning the word, much more the name of a Papist; biting the lip a while and pouting, at last her zealous anger for being called Papist flew out in this Speech, consisting of many parts starched together.  
I must tell you forlooth good Mistress, that though I was brought up in the Country, yet my Father being ●exton of the Church in the Market Town would after Evening Prayer was done make his house ring with singing of Psalms, and though I say't, I was bred as well as any of the elect Maids here in London, so that I had rather you had called me a zealous dislembler (as some of our Sisters be) than a Papist. For I am so absolutely against them, that if all Papists heads were on one neck I would cut them off with one blow, that so in Country Towns I might be drawn in the painted cloth like judeth cutting off Holofernes head. A Papist is in my conceit an abominable creature, and holds damnable Opinions, some bad and some good, whereof I was never guilty; I count fasting to be but a foolish thing, for our Cupboard at home stood always open, and on fridays or fasting-days I could go to it, and take what I list without any resistance of the Spirit, for Religion must lie in a maid's heart, though her fortune doth sometimes lie in her belly, and for good works, I never loved them since I left my Sampler, and then I was out of Charity with them because they were wrought in Crostich: and another Reason was, because (as you know forsooth) embroidery was much used in times of Popery, for Copes and other Idolatrous apparel; so that not only their opinions, which I naturally detested, being as I said, a Sexton's Daughter of the reformed Religion, but also their Persons have been odious in my sight, and if I were as my Master, and you good Mistress, (for you are wise learned, and can be as Religiously angry as he) I would efaith tickle these Papists, and firk them out of the Parishes in London, my Mr. talks of yoking themselves like horne-beasts to blow them up, but now let us rather with Hey-forkes taken out of Barnes, where we exercise zealously, prick them forward, till for very fear they leap over Sea and utterly forsake the Land. If Master Warden would but play the Devil's part in punishing and plundering, and plaguing these Papists, I myself when I come amongst any of them am fully resolved to scratch out their eyes, for it is a proper sign of an elect young man or maid to condemn that we understand not, and to be furiously obstinate in our zealous anger. Therefore good Mistress I wish in your presence, that are a great spiritual observer (as appears by your learned observations on my Master's wise Speech) that I may never see Conventicle more, but that if I had the power I would be worse than all the Devils in Hell, Haggs, Furies, Witches, and instruments of Damnation whatsoever to punish these Papists.  
O Mistress! you know not how stiff maids are in their opinion, and if they once get a thing by the end they will hold it fast; and I will ever hold that Papists are in a certain state of Damnation, as certain as the Elect and the Brethren and Sisters of Predestination are sure of salvation. Thus have I proved myself no Papist, now I will tell you (good Mistress) my opinions, which jump just with yours as a Chambermaid should do; I like Hypocrisy as well as Monarchy; and that a Barn, or Stable may be a Church: our old Church in the Country being decayed, was like a Barn or Stable, I never loved Learning nor learned men, sir Roger our Curate deceived me in a deep point, therefore learning is no Religion nor learned men are not always zealously religious, and learning Mistress (as you say) is profane, and sense and reason in Religion are unnecessary, for though we can have feeling other ways, yet we can have no sense of Religion▪ and feeling I hope is a sense respected much of us the Elect, and therefore though you banish sense and reason, yet let there be always a religious feeling in and amongst us. This said, she finished the dressing of Mistress Warden, and so ended her speech.   
FINIS.