PLEASANT NOTES UPON Don Quixot.  
By EDMUND GAYTON, Esq  JUVENAL. 
— laetam fecit cum Statius Vrbem,  
Esurit, intactam Paridi nisi vendat Agaven.  
LONDON, Printed by William Hunt. MDCLIV.   

To the Candid Reader.  
Reader,  
BOoks of Knight Errantry, like the Knights themselves, look for entertainment gratis; Don Quixot did oblige the places which received him, and left his Landlords in debt to him for his acceptance of their Courtesies: His stay was not long in a place, and his Pay was the sport he made; The Castle had security for a Reckoning, and protection for the Bill of Fare; His Hosts were created Constables; His Hoastesses' Countesses, and his Daughter's Ladies, for the benevolence of Slippers, and Nightcaps: Oastlers were dubbed Grooms, the Servants Squires, Tapsters Yeomen of the Bottles, and Skinkers, and so defrayed all with Acts of Grace, and conferring of Honour. He adventures now, as always, with the same confidence of welcome, a Known Guest needs no Invitation; Reception is all he looks for, little or no Provisions. Give him now but a good Look (for indeed his Ill-favoured Face wants it) and it is a Feast. Smile upon him, laugh at him, and he will grow fat, with what should make you so. Rosinante looks for your Tih-hee, and you shall have his Whi-hee; he is as freekish as if the jack-an-apes road him. Sancho Pancha courts your Blanckets, and desires to be tossed from hand to hand; His Ass is for every one to ride, the more the merrier: If you give him Stable-room, 'tis well, he can feed on Thistles.  
They come all like Gypsies or a Morris, and Dulcinea is pleased to be Maid Myriam; Strike up the Tabor and the Pipe, lend us but the Barn, or the Church-house, 
And great Dul●inea, and her Knight accord,  
To be Wake Lady, and a Whitsun Lord.    


To his most facetious Friend, on his Festivous Notes upon Don Quixot.  
WHere others Lamps have burned long Attic nights,  
With rank Romancie cyle, to grease their Knights:  
Thy nimble Phantasy hath with ease displayed  
All the Chimeras of the Errand Trade.  
Which (though with a crisp Nostril penned) was done  
With a Spagericall discretion:  
For, while the Ore ran melting from thy Mind,  
It left thy chief, and richer Thoughts re●in'd.  
men's doughty Gimcracks, thou dost (glancing) hit,  
With such a sure Mercurial aim of Wit,  
It into shivers splits my quivering Milt,  
To see thy Lanceere Notes so run atilt.  
Had thy full lines run out their Parallel,  
And not been charmed in by a wary Spell;  
Thou'dst turned the Pyrrhic Galliard of the Times  
Into enchanted Spanish-Pavin Rhymes.  
If solid heads may judge the Text is good,  
It will improve much now, being under stood;  
The Comment sets a lusty gloss upon  
The high Achievements of the metalled Don:  
The inventory of his Martial goods;  
His fits of Courage, and hot fight Moods;  
His passive valour, with his daring mind,  
In dismal Rubriques on his body signed;  
Whereof he had, if you the Adage scan,  
A long eared burden would o'r-laid a man:  
His mad mistakes, whereby we clearly know  
Th' Iberian Ajax, from Jeronymo:  
His strong affection to Dulcinea's Name,  
Which kindled in his Breast that restless Flame.  
Here, Sancho Pancha proves a proper Squire,  
And a true spark of the same wand'ring fire.  
Brave Rosinante trapped, and pampered thus,  
May play at Cribedge with Bucephalus;  
And Sancho's Ass, (one of the golden Brood)  
May feed on Roses, a restoring food.  
O that some pleasant Beams would shine like these  
Upon her Cousin, the * 
Cap. Jones,  Welsh Hercules!  
But thou hast done enough for to engage  
All the Sir Valiant Woudbees of the Age.  
And while you hint, that who doth over-streine  
At wild attempts, makes good Don Quixots vein:  
Your Clavis makes his History to be  
Theunveiled Cabala of Chivalry.  Chirosophus  

To the very Witty, Merry Author.  
THE greatest part of scribbling shavers  
Are but Rehearsals by their favours;  
And they that read them find this true thing,  
Not one in ten writes any new thing.  
But above all the dabbling Train,  
The Commentator's Knave in grain;  
Who farther never sooks to store him,  
Then what five hundred said before him;  
So be it History, or Fable.  
He still serves cold meat up tothth' Table.  
But see, our friend defies the man  
From Bodley, or the Vatican,  
That shall produce one writer on  
His dapper Sancho, or the Don.  
Why so then. Out with't man of price,  
(Fall in that will) thou breakest the Ice,  
Fearest no cut feet, nor broken shanks,  
So the renown may be La Manches:  
But provest the Annals of that high Town,  
A Comment are on Laugh and Lie down.  
Lo here the Knight, by Cupid halled  
Through thick and thin, Posteriors galled;  
Posting from place to place full sore,  
On two long Ears, (Squire on two more;)  
Who setting out, a Helmet snatches,  
Which oft in sud● had dr●n●b● Mustashes:  
Sword girt on thigh, dirt-dragged and slabbered,  
Cold Iron sheathed in rust, not scabb●r'd.  
And ' stead of Spear, his hand he flatters  
With ravished Pole from Barber's Platters.  
With these, and dire resolves, he enters  
Armed, or to find, or force Adventures:  
With courage keen as paunch of Glutton,  
He spies out foe, a Flock of Mutton,  
Spurs Rosinante, up he ambles,  
Where straight he makes the field the Shambles.  
For Dulcineas sake to win her,  
He eats, and fights this duel dinner;  
For Dulcinea, who the while,  
Sleeps upon bulk, or sits on stile;  
For why, she cares not much to go,  
'Cause she wants shoes to cover toe.  
And (Country hot) she wears not stock in  
Of silk or yarn, to put her Hock in;  
That the whole world may judge and see,  
She canendure as well as be.  
For though alone he roam about,  
Yet 'tis well known, she oft goes out—  
— At Elbows, and doth suffer hardship,  
In coats rend up tothth' very large-hip.  
Now 'tis their fashion in Tobolo,  
For damsels mendicant to go so.   

The Itinerant Minister to the Squire Errand, on his Festivous Notes upon DON QUIXOT.  
Banished from Pigs and Poultry by harsh votes;  
And all that sounds Festivous, but your Notes,  
(For, in their Calendar my name's not found;  
Who, lest the spit should not, themselves turned round)  
I scarce have laughed, but with a sullen smile,  
To see your Quixot acted in our Isle;  
The Zealot mounted, when a cross he spied,  
Encountering it, as he the Windmill did:  
Mistaking old Saints, and the yellow glass,  
In which they stood, for Giants armed in brass;  
And then in quarters on a bed of straw,  
Making the rest up with's Dulcinea.  
All so tothth' life, they were not much amiss,  
That could believe a Metempsychosis.  
But this your book can wasted spirits retrive●  
At the first news on't I did so revive,  
As the intruding Levite does, to hear  
His Pilfered Tithes will stand another year:  
But when I saw the work, its stuff and make,  
I could have been a Poet for your sake.  
Did but your Author live, he would by voxt,  
Your Comment was not his, as was the Text.  
He that will praise it as he should, must go  
A way unbeaten yet; that is, like you,  
Leave common-Play-book-Poetry that spends  
The same Encomium upon any friends,  
As we do Funeral Sermons; and alone  
Move in an Epicycle of his own.  
Your observations such a path have trod,  
They turn old Pegasus, quite out on's road;  
And we are dry, till Rosinantes' foot  
Strike ●s another Helicon to do't.  〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉.  

On DON QUIXOT with Annotations.  
THE famous Errand Knight of Spain  
Once more here sallies forth again,  
Remounted upon Rosinante;  
Though lean his ribs, and belly gaunt be,  
Gentle and without jadish tricks,  
Whose Provender him never pricks:  
Sancho likewise, that witty Squire,  
On dapple follows through the mire;  
The monstrous Giant not to tame,  
That lately into England came,  
And lies sick, since he was brought over,  
Some say at Plymouth, some at Dover:  
Nor, like his neighbour Portugal,  
Damsels to fright and kill us all.  
His well known sword he needs not try on  
Our Morefield Windmills, since the Lion  
Made a retreat into his Cage  
By good hap, and would not engage.  
No new Adventure or Supply  
Swells so complete a History;  
Nor is our Author a Translator,  
But a Critical Commentator:  
His Notes he to the Text doth fit,  
With English matching Spanish wit;  
Like Coin with Philip stamped and Mary,  
Or, till divorced, like Kate and Harry;  
Or those Pavilions powdered,  
With H. and K. in Hollinshead. *  
Great thanks the Mancha may him con, 
Pag. 807. H. 8.   
Great honour hath he done the Don;  
And Dulcinea del Toboso  
Hath disinchanted: Reader, know so.   

Aesop to the Knight of the Ill favoured Face.  
AS Aesop who made Birds and Beasts to speak,  
Putting plain Nature into learned Greek,  
Her dimmer instinct did so well unveil,  
That he taught Morals from an old wife's tale;  
And where as men were turned to beasts by Art,  
Did them again by Beasts to men convert:  
So thou, considering what befits this age,  
Hast brought thy Don unridled on the stage;  
And with thy rays illustrating his shade,  
Hast a clear mirror of a night-piece made:  
Whose cunning placing doth much skill detect,  
To make it so far off these times reflect.  
For we the common size of men out-grow  
As far above, as th' other were below.  
In Arts and Arms, in our disputes and fights,  
Nay in all trades almost, w' are Errand Knights.  
We start up Heroes: Here a Cobbler enters.  
And in the next page doth a Knight's adventures.  
Now you shall hardly see (because he's gaunt  
And poor) a draught Horse yield to Rosinant:  
Who did the Knight carry as we have read,  
So many miles, still better taught, then fed.  
Patent though Sancho did his belly pinch,  
So disciplined, though gassed, he would not winch:  
Proportionably eat so many Oats.  
As in his purse his Master carried Groats.  
Who might not so against his Order sin,  
As to wear money, or pay it in his Inn:  
For who could money ask of him, who did  
Oblige the world by deeds, where ere he rid?  
Could any Hostess for the reckoning scold,  
Who did this doughty man of Arms behold?  
That Lady that would not wipe out his score,  
Be sure, he'll never see her Castle more  
In just revenge; for than should any Giant  
Abuse her after; he would ne'er say fie on't,  
Or question him, who otherwise should feel  
His anger printed by his Bilbo steel:  
But Hosts and Hostesses, and Ostlers too  
Were civiller, or he would make them so.  
But Friend, take heed, thy Notes may do him wrong,  
Who never needed help of any tongue:  
I only fear that you may kindly err,  
By venturing to be his Interpreter,  
Since it is known, and by himself made good,  
Where e'er they came. Errants were understood.  
But this I think will that objection choke,  
He is not when he ' ●read, as when he spoke;  
And read he'll be, unless by Err●● Knights  
Like him, they're not for reading, but for fights.  
Go forth then, and lit Rosinant outrun  
In his good speed, the Coursers of the Sun.   

A Trumpet before the Puissant DON.  
BY your leaves friends, give way to usher on  
With trunch'on pen tothth' gate, this mighty Don:  
I would be brief, as truth, if any shall  
Demand what's here, an Amadis de Gaul?  
A Knight o'th' Sun? or Warwick's dreadful Guy,  
(Whose famous Acts are writ in Stars on high)  
Th' old King Arthur? or that feeble Fable  
Of his Round Knights, sat round his rounder Table?  
I answer, none of these; but one no jot  
Less than the best of those; who? Don Quixot:  
A bold Knight-Errant, that tothth' very day  
Achieves as strange Adventures as all they.  
Bring me a Saracen with head, and A-neck  
So big, you'd take him for a son of Anak,  
Or any of that monstrous brood of Gath;  
(If any such the world at this time hath  
Old, and decrepit grown) The Don with Lance  
Against the Gyant-race doth straight advance.  
Which way the victory will sure incline,  
Look up and judge; the Saracens a Sign.  
Is there a Lady (who the Lord knows how  
She came to be so) that's imprisoned now  
In some enchanted Castle, built i'th' air,  
Immured with Devils, moated with despair:  
That whines, and whimpers, pines for some relief  
From her lost Knight, almost undubbed with grief?  
Madam take courage, melt no more, but pray,  
Let those salt drops descend another way.  
See Quixot at the Castle Gate, in Arms,  
And anger fell, vows to uncharm your Charms;  
And spite of Hell, and what the Devils can do,  
Tilt you from all their Spells, or them from you.  
Show me a Giant Cannibal, that duels  
Retired now to uncouth Caves and Cells;  
Battening with humane flesh, and blood, that knows  
(Save what he eats) no other friends or foes:  
who's guts being all the brains he has, does dread  
That only pain, the belly ache in his head.  
Let the puissant Quixot but appear,  
Armed at all points, and in the first Career  
This monster Giant falls; when the bold Knight  
With his keen steel, to consummate the fight,  
Opens his Butt'ry-Belly, sweeps all away,  
And there commands an endless fasting day.  
Whilst to the wonder of the world, and just  
Trophy to Don, and his renowned dust;  
His monstrous Block head shall converted be  
Into a sign for some great Ordinary.  
From these adventures doth he sternly wag on,  
And meets the fiercer Lion, or the Dragon;  
The cruel Tiger, the speared Unicorn,  
Or any humane beast of stranger Horn;  
The ravenous Bear, or the mad raging Bull,  
he'll tame all these, give all their Belly full;  
And as old Orpheus did by stones and trees,  
So shall this Don make up a Dance with these.  
More might be said, which if't expected be,  
Enter good Don, and do't thyself for me.  E: D.  

On the Festivous Notes upon Don Quixot.  
HAve you not seen a Hench boy laced all o'er  
So thick, you could not tell what cloth he wore?  
Have you not heard the oaths of Country people,  
They could not for the Scaffolds see Paul's Steeple?  
Or have you heard of (happy had you been,  
If I might ask you) have you also seen  
Dulcinea's eyes lost in her cheeks, so that  
They seemed like Rabbits Kidneys couched in fat?  
Reader, the same may in this book be found,  
The rich Embroidery doth excel the ground.  
The Text in parcels 'midst the Comment seems  
Like single Strawb'ries in whole pales of Cream;  
And Don's cooked up according to the Laws  
Of his own Country Feasts, less meat than sauce.  
Sancho is now rewarded, and need look  
No farther for an Island than this Book:  
In which the Text like Land encircled, floats  
'Midst the vast Ocean of this Author's Notes;  
Who in his Book, like cunning Cloathiers, doth  
Of Spanish Wool make the best English Cloth.  
Who may not be a Poet, when the fire  
Raked from Dulcinea's ashes can inspire?  
And Rosinante, though grown old, can thus  
Prove sire unto so quick a Pegasus?  
Quixot, of all the brave Adventures thou hast passed,  
No sally was so glorious as this last:  
Where though no four armed Giant thou dost meet,  
Who ' stead of puddings, eats whole sacks of Wheat;  
And makes the Country Neighbourhood about  
Swallow, Sir reverence, what he voideth out:  
Yet thou must combat with a foe, thou'lt find  
More subject to each blast, the Censurers mind.  
When first into the world thou didst advance,  
Bound up in Past board, like thy own Romance;  
That magic Armour and Artillery,  
Those strange Habiliments of Errantry  
Could not protect thee like these Notes, although  
Thou salliest now in paper Armour too.  
But go on boldly, Frestons' charms must end,  
See here, a Disinchanter is thy friend;  
Who innocent black Art, hath round thee writ  
A magic circle of Festivous Wit;  
Which will secure thy Fame against that Prime,  
And lasting monster, all devouring Time.  John Speed  

On DON QUIXOT, published with Annotations, by my worthy friend, Mr Edmund Gayton.  
FRanck Rabelais with his learned Tracts of Physic,  
Had made his Printers purse sick of the Tisick;  
For those few Copies, which at last were sold,  
Served but to wipe what other Doctors fouled.  
He that by writing well hopes for repute,  
Makes but himself the World's base prostitute:  
Which he disdaining, vowed to recompense  
The Printer, and his Clients with Nonsense:  
And that did do't; for Customers did duel,  
Who first should buy the gests of Pantagruell:  
Nay you'd admire, in less than half a day,  
All History veiled to Garagantua.  
Therefore my Friend, whether in Prose or Rhyme,  
What thou hast writ is satire to the Time;  
Thou feedest the Ass with Thistles, and with Chaff,  
To make thyself, and other wise men laugh.  
Let not the Critics then, thy work disdain,  
And say, thy Author's Windmills in thy brain:  
Nor yet conclude thy Pegains is Hipshot,  
Because thou'st written Notes upon Don Quixot.  
Were Don alive again, he would be vexed,  
To see a Comment better than his Text;  
For some o'th' wit who have perused it. say,  
Thine is not Glossa Ordinaria.  Anthony Hodges.  

Upon the second coming forth of the most redoubted Knight DON QUIXOT, and his renowned Lady the Famed Dulcinea deal Toboso.  
LAdies, prepare to entertaint  
The Madam Mendieant of Spain:  
Let not her Rags offend, for you  
Yourselves, alas, wear patches too:  
Though out at heel, and out at Toe,  
Along Dulcinea too must go.  
Don from Dulcinea will not stray,  
(He runs at Sheep, but not that way)  
She and her Knight again do enter,  
Not armed for any new adventure;  
But that she may receive from you,  
The honour of a second view.  
At first this great and famous Dame,  
In English vamps translated came;  
And being you know a Cobbler's Daughter  
'Twas proper work for a Translater:  
But than 'twas fit, there should be next,  
A Comment to so dark a Text:  
For who without it could discover,  
How she should e'er deserve a Lover?  
But 'tis to great Dulcinea's glory,  
She passes every one in story.  
From Spain and from Toboso too,  
With half a Smock, and ne'er a Shot,  
she's come again to visit you,  
As Lady Errants use to do;  
For 'tis their custom, those that make  
Them welcome, they will ne'er forsake.  
And Sanoho too, that doughty Squire,  
Attends Dulcinea through the mire;  
Through thick and thin, o'er hedge and ditoh,  
The trusty Squire goes through stitch:  
'Tis a hard task to wait upon her,  
But the more hard, the greater honour.  
Easy Achievements are not named,  
'Tis hardship makes adventures famed.  
The Island, he expects, no doubt  
Is very hard to be found out:  
But Sancho, if't be any where,  
Thou'lt find the promised Island here.  
The Comment ('cause thou'st little wit)  
Believes the Isle of Silly's it.  
But Don, I doubt, will scarce be found  
To keep within the Comments bound.  
If hunger pinches, out he goes,  
And makes a break fast on his Foes.  
For having first his Armour put on,  
He strait goes forth, and routs the Mutton;  
Then to Dulcinea comes he post,  
Laden with spoils; she rules the roast.  
If any Giants him oppose,  
(As oftentimes he meets with those)  
He then his passive Valour shows,  
And gallantly receives their blows;  
And 'tis an argument of great  
And daring courage to be beat.  
Yet let Dulcinea name but bread,  
And straight you hear a Windmil's dead:  
And were that Giant ten times stronger,  
There's no resisting against hunger.  
That breaks stone walls you know; how can  
A wooden Giant hold out than?  
And if nor wood, nor stone, how shall  
We keep him in a Paper wall?  
That can't confine him without doubt,  
For l●●, already he's come out.  William Taylor.   

FESTIVOUS NOTES UPON DON QUIXOT.  

BOOK I.  

CHAPTER I.  
The first contains whence our Knight Errand came,  
From an old house; that is his first known Fame.  
Then it discovers, if you farther look,  
That he did nothing rashly, but by Book  
Of Errantry; and upon that he wanders,  
Hoping to get a Name as great as Scander's.  

TEXT.  
THere lived not long since in a Village of the Mancha, the Name whereof I purposely omit.] Why our Author doth purposely omit the name of the Village, where this Knight of famous memory did live, is easily smelled out, even this, that he might make the greater search after it. The place of Homer's birth is yet a challenge upon Record, and the head of Nile being undiscoverable, breaks many a man's brain to find it out. Tennariffe and Pen-Men-Maure, are Mountains whose tops are obscured by their heights, and herein he hath politicly outgone our Countryman Tom Coriat, who indeed was borne in Zomersetishire (as the ingenious Hoskins hinteth in his merry Poem.) 
Puer erat expers artis,  
Et cum fabis, & cum fartis  
Sommersetti satus.  But certainly he had been far more eminent, and a grander search made after him no doubt, if he had been pleased to have concealed his Natalitiall Town of Odcomb, and left the world upon enquiry.  
To pile up in their Halls old Lances, etc.] This description of his house is in short the very same with an ancient Justice of Peace his Hall, a very dangerous Armoury to be touched, like Paul's Scaffolds, Monumentally standing, because none dare take them down: he proceeds not unlike the Welsh Inventary, but it is not so large, nor so good, Sow's babies in Spain being a meat for the house of Austria, and not garsionable by the Manchegans, though ennobled by the residence of Don Quixot. His Wardrobe not much exceeding the Major of Quinboroughs, though for the thrift less notorious. The Frugality of the Canvasse back to the Velvet fore-body, being not then known at Madrid, and so could not possibly arrive at the Mancha.  
He had in his house a Woman about forty years old, etc.] His Family (himself included) like that of the Ark, two and two, Male and Female, but not of so many persons by half, yet here was as great Beasts. I do not read that the Don did ever augment his Number, though his Niece was under twenty, and himself (as is supposed) by the swelling of his Lip of the Austrian Family (somewhat removed,) or at least of the race of the Jews, as appears by his Errantry, which is but a neater word for wand'ring: unto whom it was, and yet is lawful to match within their Tribes.  
He was an early riser, and a great friend of Hunting] Now you perceive the reason of his continence, he was an early riser; That indeed made not much for it, but withal a friend to hunting, that did it. Our Don was a dedicated Vassal to Diana. Otia si tollas periere Cupidinis arcus. Hunting Spears and Javelins are not of Cupid's Quiver, nor will I attribute this costiveness (as to the flesh) to his years, being on the worse side of forty, as they say, or to his withered face, or dried flesh, which may render him suspected for an Eunuch, but purely to his industry and love of manlike sports; 
Sentonce.  Unto which, without doubt, whosoever totally devotes himself, cannot be guilty of effeminacy  
He made away many Acres of Land to buy him Books of that kind.] We have a Proverb (but the Spaniard have two for one) That a fool and his money are soon parted; It seems our Knight (pardon the application) made his Lands Errand before himself, and dubbed his Acres first, so that what he did afterwards was but in pursuance of his Lands that went before, and so made himself a Wiseacres. Laugh not too soon at our Spaniard, unless you can acquit yourselves countrymen of as great a folly. Are not Books of this kind as well bought as those of the Philosopher's stone? And pray what difference in the price? How much good gold hath been fired, out of whose ashes yet the young Phoenix never rose? What did Banckes spend in Coals do you think? How much Terra was Damnata? How many Lordships sold? besides the inestimable loss of Time and Brains, to purchase this empty name, and sound the Philosopher's stone? There is not of all that expenseful madness so much left for profit or recreation, as the History of that Quixo-Philosophy, or Philosophers, unless what is most admirably Satyrized by our Father Ben (of eternal memory) in his Play of the Alchemist: Spectatum admissi Risum teneat is Amici? Which would move laughter most, our Dons encountering his Windmill, or his Lordship at the Furnace? Being Subtle, Face, Lungs, and all: Bestow a brace of tassled Caps upon them both, and so exeant.  
He did not like so much the unproportionable blows which Don Belianis gave and took.] Our Don is not so much transported with Belian is his Blows as a passionate Butcher of our Nation was, who being at the Play, called the Greeks and Trojans, and seeing Hector overpowered by Mirmydons, got upon the Stage, and with his good Battoon took the true Trojans part so stoutly, that he routed the Greeks, and railed upon them loudly for a company of cowardly slaves to assault one man with so much odds. He struck moreover such an especial acquaintance with Hector, that for a long time Hector could not obtain leave of him to be killed, that the Play might go on; and the cudgeled Mirmydons durst not enter again, till Hector, having prevailed upon his unexpected second, returned him over the Stage again into the yard from whence he came.  
Many times he did fall at variance with the Curate, etc.] As great an occasion of quarrel was this of a brace of Students, who kept short of the Dividents of their College Fines (for that was meat for their betters) while their Seniors were sharing that money, walked in their Grove, (taking the fresh air without any contradiction of Superiors;) At last one makes a supposition, If thou or I now should happily find a purse of Gold, how should we divide it? They were, you must conceive, of different degrees, one Master, the other Bachelor of Arts. The Master of Arts, like the Lion, asked the greatest part. The other said, no, Simul occupantes aequè Dividentes: Equal purchase equal share. The Master would not forgo his privilege of seniority, the Junior insisted upon his Title of half; at last it grew so hot that they fell to Cuffs, and banged one another devoutly, until, weary of their blows, they began to examine each other of the ground of their falling out, which was no other than about the dividend of a purse of gold, which was never yet found.  
That the Cid Ruydiaz was not to be compared, etc.] To the Knight of the burning Sword? What wouldst thou have said, if ever it had been thy fortune to have adventured into England, and seen the Knight of the burning Pestle, who carried all the Ladies before him: Or if that other Knight of the same Nation had ever come to thy ears, whom I may call the Knight of the high Scurrado, or the Spouting-Pestle, by name plain Captain jones? Certainly Bernardo Deal Carpio (though of greatest esteem with thee) should not have been in the same leaf of the Book in the Diary and Register of valiant men: Besides, this Nation (for I cannot give all Heroic actions to the Spaniard) have produced names as high as Hercules. What I pray was Chinon of England, or the Fool transformed? Bevis of Southampton, and Guy of Warwick, or that Cripple-errant of famous memory, who stole the golden weather cock from Paul's steeple, before it was a Tower, which was the highest piece of desperate valour that ever was performed, but that his piety is as notorious as his sacrilege, for with the same weather cock, he built Cripple gate; which until this day retains his name.  
Rosinante a horse of labour and carriage.] I wonder, the Don being so near neighbour to the sun, did not borrow some of his horses names, but indeed they did most properly belong to the knight of the same name. He chose rather by a figure, the nomination of his Bucephalus, and by a Husteron Proteron (as we say in English) of putting the cart before the horse, he succeeds very happy in the title, which in English makes not so high a sound as in Spanish, but will do indifferent, Latpackasad, being in senso the very same, though not in sound with Rozinante, though our horses do not take their names for adventures, like the Dons, yet they have their names from their presenters; if a friend bestow his horse, he passes his name with him, & by that means, the names of many worthy persons (who have not left succession behind them) are continued in the race of their gifts. It would be a pretty employment (for there is little work now for Heralds) to blazon those gentile horses coats. There is an able fat farrier herald, somewhat Northward, whom it would (being the trades are already met in him) very excellently become, unto whom I leave it.  
DON Quixot of the Mancha] It was as small a label, and as modest, as any Knight could first have vent read on into the world with; for lower matters the Empire of Trapesonda, having shaken hands with their names, and not retained so much as Don Quixot of Quixada, or Quesada, which was rather a syncope or diminution to his name, being more at length naturally, or rather literally, though in account less: some of our Nation have accounted it more honourable to own a bastardy, by assuming the name of the Lord that got them to an Annuity, then to hide their mother's shame, under the plausible covert of their supposed Fathers.  
I am the Giant Caro Culiambro] A very good name for a Giant, but I will tell you what will fill one's mouth as well, even one of our English Giants, as Sheildabrawne, Colarobrawne, Legomutton, Rasherobacon, and many more of this last sword bearing race, who by prowess of the Captain joneses' of our times, the Marriots, the Woods, the Stubbinses, and other knights of the round Table, have been hacked, hewed, wriggled and utterly confounded.  
He called her Dulcinea del Toboso] Aldonsa Lorenzo, strangely Anagrammatized into Dulcinea del Toboso, but Schoolmasters talk Latin by the rule, and Princes by instinct. Therefore in contemptum Anagrammaticorum, Aldonsa Lorenzo shall make Dulcinea del Toboso. For as the French care not for the quantity of syllables, so we Spaniards care not for the transposition of letters; I shall conclude this Chapter with a reply of Don Gondamore, Countryman to our DON. Condamore was talking in the Latin tongue with King james, and the King speaking exactly, Gondamore took liberty to express as he pleased whereupon the King not enduring the Peace should be so oft broke before his face, desired Gondamore to spare Priscian's head for the future; but the DON was quick with his salve, and told his Majesty, that he spoke Latin like a King, free and without rule, but the King spoke it like a Schoolmaster.    

CHAP. II.  
THE second Chapter he attempts, but oh!  
Unto his grief, he finds no wished for Foe:  
Wherefore deceived and wearied, he is forced  
Without an enemy, to be unhorled,  
Yet not disarmed wholly Cap-ape;  
For in his Helmet he sleeps valiantly,  
Though with a Castle he would needs begin,  
Poor Rosinante was glad it was an Inn.  

TEXT.  
AND therefore acquainting no living creature with his intentions] No living creature; it cannot be so, for certainly Rosinante was of the counsel, and enjoined much secrecy. For the Don might tell his tale to his horse without danger of discovery, though he might hear of his tale again for it: (as the English proverb hath it in another expression.)  
He was not yet dubbed Knight.] This was a horrible scar, and enough to have crushed our cock of the game in the egg. It was strange he did not instantly unsheathe his own sword, and cross it over his own pate, and having impressed a Knighthood on his forgetful noddle, spoke the words himself, rise up DON Quixot, etc. or what if he had submitted, and fall'n on his knees to Rosinante (a horse formerly of very good carriage,) the Brute could have done no less, then bounded immediately, and laid his hooves upon his Helmet (which was as near his head, as they could come) and it might have passed, and the DON ever after accounted himself of the Equestrian Order, which is the order of Knighthood.  
As touching white Armour.] It is strange; once out and ever out: what a mischance was this. o for a chalk hill! it would have whitened him and Rosinante, as if they had been Knight and horse of the vail of white horse. The first Knights that ever were heard of in white Armour, and on white horses, were (as I take it) Castor and Pollux, who though they never shine together in the Heavens, yet at one great battle, wherein the Romans got the victory, they were discovered to come into the field, and do wonderful execution, and then vanish straight to their Orbs in the Heavens: and ever since, those mares that saw those white horses, have had colts with stars in their heads.  
He did parley with himself on this manner.] Of these kind of Soliloquies, or selfe-discourses, you shall every where rather see then hear: what man almost is it that you meet alone, if he be thoughtive or cogitabund, but his lips, his eyes, his hands, go as well as his legs. If one should, or could but spare his time, to observe the several postures of passengers in the street; he might after a little curiosity of intention, know most men's businesses by the motion of their lips, and discover their intentions by the signs in their faces: whether the business were matter of law, love, debt, anger or jovialty. Such agreeable indications every face doth betray, that in spite of the verse we may say, fronti summa Fides, every man's passions are written in his forehead, and if women might be commanded to go unveiled, much more would be known, than they would have willingly discovered. It were very good policy in times of war, suits, or jealousy, to learn to undecipher mouths, looks, and gates; there is more to be got out of them, than out of this extaticall speech of the Dons, to which Rosinante pricked up his ears more from the sense of his sides, than the sense in the oration.  
Written in the Annals of the Mancha.) The Annals of the Mancha, are in as large a fair Foolio, as those of Gotham, and are kept in very safe custody, few Travellers have had the favour to see them; Tom Coriat had a view, and to a wise man it is enough. It is very difficult now, unless recommended from some great personage, to have admittance to the sight of them: there must be two certificates at least, of the family of the We be three, who are of the Quorum always.  
There stood at the Inn by the door, two young women adventurers likewise.] These I believe had been dubbed and dubbed again, and had devises in their Targets, for hotter adventures than ever the Don assayed; it was strange that the Don, (but that strong imagination is irresistible) being gaunt, (not john a Gaunt I mean) but fasting, and therefore of more exquisite sense, had not smelled out their profession from the evaporations of their saltpits: or that Rosinante had not by a merry neighing, discovered the approaches of two overriden jades. Their standing at the Inn door, was a sign of themselves and the house, and (though they were bound for Sevil) that their behaviour was not so.  
Checking Rosinante with his bridle] Rosinantes' head-strongnesse, is here remarkable, and shows that a beast knows when he is weary or hungry, better than his rider. These natural offerings at an Inn door, gazings, and head writhings, are most proper symptoms in the creature, of an appetite or longing for Limb-ease, and tooth motion. A way bit then, and not a bit of way more. The Knight (for all Knight errants, understand all languages, whether vocal or natural) apprehended Rosinante, and taking pity of the croakings of his empty guts, to which his own sometime sympathetically answered. He spurred up to the Inn door, full upon the Donsellas; which Item, Rosinante took the more patiently, because he was within the comfortable smell of provender: but O the hogheards' horn! 'twas an ill wind, and blew no body good; for by this means it came to pass, that Rosinante must hear the other speech, which came from a head as empty as his belly, in which was nothing but wind, just both alike.  
Discovering his withered and dusty countenance] This soldierlike visage of the Dons, brought the Donzellas to a stand. Ven●s did not so much despise Vulcan for his lame leg, as she was enamoured of Mars for his manlike face. I have heard it reported of an understanding Lady of our Nation (whose opinion being asked concerning a very beautiful and straight limbed gentleman Usher, how she liked the owner of that face) that she replied thus presently, (Ladies wits being best upon the sudden,) Pish, what do you tell me of a face; I say, a Venus' face, and Mars his truncheon, never met together in the same person.  
They could not contain their laughter] Continence was rare in any thing, as well as laughter with them, yet their rude carriage, showed that they were tender hearted; for they had been of very hard hearts, if they could not have laughed at him, and I believe, had the Don made experience, he would have found them thorough good natured, and as ready to lie down as to laugh.  
Mine Host, a man of exceeding fatness.] I did not think that mine Hosts of the Mancha, or indeed of any place of Spain, had been of such vast dimensions, certainly he was transported out of Holland, or great Brittany; this is the first Rhodomont ado in Re that I have met with; but yet considering him to be of the Commark of St Lucre's, and no less thievish than Cacus, if he stole and eat as much provision as that beast-robber did, his magnitude is no wonder. Allow us but in Spain the beasts, and I will grant the Host a thief, and as fat: until than I suspend my belief.  
Rozinante, one of the best pieces that ever eat bread.] Mine Host viewed the Brute very narrowly (as if he meant to buy him) he need not have gone round him, to his great pains; for the horse was transparent, and rather a beast that had never eat a piece of bread, then as the Don expressed it.  
The strangest and most pleasing figure to behold.] It was well that the Don was pleased to tell his name, for by his face they should never have known him; his Helmet being on, he was a hard head, and when that was off, he was a Codshead.  
And then the valour of mine arm shall discover.] The valour of that part, was not the thing his courteous undressers expected, who rather wished him steel to the back, then as it fell out to be to his head. It was impossible to salute him without loss of teeth; this sad apprehension of their particular defraudings, made them melancholy at present, but they are resolved, since they can make him no sport, to make sport of him.  
One of the Ladies served his turn in that.] She was enforced to Caw him, as they do young jack dove's, and every bit she administered, he gaped full wide, as the Helmet would let him; which if it had not straightened (and that very much) the wideness and capacities of his jaws, the poor john's would have passed whole without slicing, and with more ease down his throat then a cormorant dispatches Minnows.    

CHAP. III.  
He must be dubbed, or nothing will avail,  
Mine Host the Order gives, Carrier's the Hail;  
Stones in such number, that our Knight might be  
Not of the Mancha, but à Lapide;  
And that poor Rosinant might stoutly stir,  
The Hay and Oat-booke was the Register:  
Where on Record stands scored our dreadful Knight  
For want of pay, for fourteen pence a night.  

TEXT.  
ANd being thus tossed in mind, he made a short beggarly Supper.] Aurae sacra fames: What will not thirst of honour make one drink, or not drink, eat, or not eat? Here it almost made our Don lose his share of the poor john, as many a Noble Duke Humphryan, (for honour-sake merely) because he would not beg, hath walked manfully from twelve till three in contempt of threepenny Ordinaries, wondering at the gluttony of the Age he lived in, thinking all the time of that melancholy motion of the rare course of Lescius his diet, or else why it were not possible to so habituate Nature, that by degrees she might need no other sustenance than the Camaelion; the ingeniousest Wits in the world have been such who feed exilest, or most slenderly: The woman, who was sustained only by Flowers, (the scent I mean) beside the sweetness of her Fare, no doubt had a nutriment most Hyblaean, and had her Thighs been well surveyed, they were as well laden as the Bees, as you have it in the Poet, Crura Thymo, etc.  
The Innkeeper seeing his Guest at his Feet.] You see Pride will have a Fall. These high thoughts brought the Don to his Knees, happily on a Cushion of Rosinantes own or during (for It was in the stable.) It was well the Knight was the Votary, and mine Host the Idol, otherwise had mine Host been on his knees, neither Rosinante (though formerly used to burdens, nor Asinego his Master would have been able to have raised the Elephant.  
Mine Host as was noted before was a great Gyber.] It is ordinary for Hosts to be khavishly witty, the latter being a set-off to the former. Much of a reckoning goes current sore the Drolery of the maker of the Bill. There is a kind of Lechery in neat and ingenious cozenage. It doth find mercy before a Judge, and applause amongst most, but this was a great Giber, but not so great as to lose a friend for a jest, that was the way to undo himself, no, no, the Author's Counsel runs upon his Corpulency, just as one said of an Over-Obese Priest, that he was a great Arminian, grant (quoth a second) that he be an Arminian, I'll swear he is the greatest that ever I saw. Just as mine Host is here, so is every Host almost upon all roads of the Temper with his Guest; he is a Knight errand with a Knight errand; Are you a Cavalier, he is a Cavalier; are you a Statist, he Statist too; but that they are too fat commonly; they are the veriest Apes in the World, and to be short, generally Bonii Socii, and very Sosia's: Like guest, like Landlord.  
The Ceremonies requisite should be done.] It is concluded to dub him Knight. This order of Knight errantry is very ancient, when there were but three persons in the World, one was of this Order, even Cain, who for the murder of his Brother was a Fugitive and a Vagabond over the whole earth, a larger extent than our Dons peregrinations; he had beside this mark another alike to our Knight-errants, that none should slay him, for you never read of a Knight-errant that was slain in the whole world.  
Have you any money? he answered not a blank.] We have had many orders of Knighthood, plain Knights, Knights of the Bath, Knights and Baronet's, Knight's Bannerets, Knights Templars, Knights of jerusalem, Knights of Windsor, and Knights of the Post, which two last were very much like the Knight errants, for they could reply to the Question as quick as the Don, and as point blank.  
Mine Host rejourned, he was deceived.] Mine Host, I believe, was of that wise and provident house of the jagas, where this Maxim is entailed upon the Family, not to be cut off under an Anathema of the prime Parent. My son, put money in thy purse. It is good counsel for most men, but especially for Travellers, and of Travellers, especially horsemen, who (for want of heeding this Frugal principal) are oft times reduced to Footmen, and leave their Rosinantes in the stable, where their heads swell bigger a great deal than the Loggerhead their hosts that would not confide.  
They carried with them a little Casket of Ointments.] I believe the weapon-salve, or Unguentum armarium was first devised by these Knight-errants, who having neither money, wit, nor friends, but Imaginary (and reaping sometimes the fruits of their folly, knocks, and cuts) wisely contrived this subtle cure of dressing the Sword or Battoon, (for they miscarried both at dull and sharp) which was only a clothing of it warm, and by a miracle called Sympathy, now crumbled into a Powder, the wound was healed, as it would have been without it; for cut any Knight-errant, and let it be a flesh wound, and the Balsam of the part (without the help of john Pontaeus,) kept from the air and cleansed, shall cure itself. I do not herein study to gratify the Surgeons grand enemies to the Sympathetick powder, or any other cheap remedy, but betwixt jest and earnest I partly believe, and not believe myself Aruspex aruspicem, they can construe without the help of the Book.  
In some slight and subtle Wallets.] This acquaint device of the Wallet hath been put in practice in more plentiful Countries than that of the Dons. Some thrifty Sirs have thus conveyed their Brutes, and their own Provender, and for dispatch sake, having far to ride, to avoid the turmoil of Inns, Hosts, Chamberlains, and Ostlers, have made choice of a green grasse-plat, and joined Commons, the same parched pease sufficing for two Creatures at once, the rational, and irrational. But this device (as subtle as it was) hath met with misfortunes, for one more frugal than otherwise, having at his Inn at night (for the device is but for a day-shift) left some inconsiderable snip of a craggy rack of mutton, gave order to his man by a wink (which was his usual way to have his miserable commands executed) to cloak-bag the slender residue, whither also his over-provident servant (to please his Master) poured in the remains of the pottage, and so made up a full adage of Parsimony.  
To watch his arms in a great yard.] The Don is become Dragon to his own arms, more Dragon in them far, than out; but more watchful out, then in them, for he often slept on horseback. Now like a poor snake, but yet cristed still (though stripped) he doth attend the Cistern, mounting himself, and hissing furiously at any thing that comes near; that hissing he had not learned of the snakes, but of some other creature (as watchful) who saved sometime the Capitol. He is now in this posture, both St George, and Dragon too.  
What cannot Poet's and skelle painters do? or rather as we have it in the English author; 
— If Homer would,  
Helen had been a hag, and Troy had stood.   
An Host (a small wit) had bargained with a humorous painter (there are many of them) for the new drawing of his sign, which was to be that of St George and the Dragon, and most earnestly and often, even to the Interruption of his work, importuned and entreated him to have an especial care, that he drew St George with a most kill countenance (to the life) and ever and anon, renewing his desire, the easily provoked painter, looked very uncouth upon mine host, and taking off his pencil from the frame, said, mine Host, be quiet and leave your counsel, or the Devil take my wife) if I do not make the Dragon kill St George. Which struck such a terror into his landlord, that he left the place; and the painter not well composed, until a cup of sack, and a pipe of Spanish, had reconciled him to mine Host and his business.  
He walked up and down the Cistern very demurely.] No such eyes, or better, did Ajax cast upon Achilles' Armour, and such a speech, or better, did Ulysses make before the assembled Greeks, upon such, or a better subject. I wonder the Author here, did not make the Don speaking somewhat, either verses or prose, unless he was afraid of running into Ovid's fancy; but what he would not, others will: And therefore you may imagine, the Don after many perambulations, and applications to his Arms, opening his own, and his mouth, a great question, which were most enlarged for the delivery, these ensuing verses, which being above Hexameter, full sometimes, and sometimes over-makes, that rather sounding verse, we call Elbowick.  

The Don's speech to his Arms.  
Lie here my Arms by day, I am thy Arms by night;  
Though thou my glittering Arms, than I thy Arms more bright:  
'Tis not the Moon that shines, but thy well scoured reflection  
By which I walk, more than mine own complexion.  
Thou on that Altar liest, and I thy Priest walk by,  
What ever comes near thee, because near me, must die.  
When on this body thou art girt, safe is thy Don,  
And safe, my trusty Arms, shalt thou be off, or on:  
None dare approach this Altar, whereon sleeping lies  
His fate: Forewarned, who comes in Armes-way dies.   
He overthrew the Carrier to the ground in such a taking.] He conquers as quick as Caesaer, Comes and O'ercomes. Though the place of this first defeat was ignoble, (it being the horse-trough) yet the manner of the sally was gallant, it was upon a full career, who if he had drank (as his Mules should have done) no doubt he had not fall'n so suddenly, with this one brush. But here he lies, the Monument of desperate unwariness, who could not speak to a Knight, and a soldier of the same nature, for a little fresh water, and for his mules too, who were somewhat allied (but upon the worst side) to the guardian of the Cifterne. But as soon as he had laid the carrier on the ground, where lay his noli me tangere (his armour,) treading on his presumptuous breast, for abusing his Corslet, he takes up the Arms, not much unlike Anaeasse frighted, Arma amens cepit, nec sat ration is in A●mis.  
Soon a●ter, another Carrier without knowing,] Felix quem faciunt aliena pericula caeu●um. It is good for all professions to have a little smatch in the Accedens. But the Carriers are like their Mules, not to be turned out of the way, and so ruined by the same hand, of the same Muleasses: you find them (like their Brutes, nose in arse), not revocable to be men again of this World (as they say) but by the noise of their pack- Mules bells. Great honour in this encounter was done to Dulcinea, who twice provoked, twice was propitious to her Votary and Lord.  
Their fellow's rain slones upon QUIXOT.] Ne Hercules contra duos; the hardy Knight breaks, nay, outdoes the Proverb, and is an Hyper-Hercules; for I dee not remember, of all the labours of Hercules, that he ever encountered a shower of hailstones. Here he showed undaunted courage, and extraordinary activity. How snakelike he gathers, and incircles himself, under the covert of his Target, which was so pealed with stones, and rung so loud, that the Don was not much unlike a rattle snake, that Politic Sir under the Tortoise shell, nor he that was shown for the Fish, ever lay in so straight, a round he takes a tile volant in the very hole, where the pegg of wood uses to be, and bearing it on the end of his Javelin, encounters stones as thick Atoms, which flew about his ears; at that time (if ever) miraculously preserved, for those nobler pendents, which Dulcinea meant to hang there.  
As he had read in the Ceremonial book of the Order.] The creation, or installation rather of this Knight Errand, or rather instabulation (for there was no Chapel in the house) yet it might very well be, that the Chapel, as in other places, might be converted into a horse quarter) This Ceremony, I say, is far short of those of the Garter, or of the golden Fleece, (though of the same continent with this latter) or those of the Knights of Malta. If the Formalities were well compared, they would more resemble these new Orders of the Tityrie-Tues, the Fellow Cues, the confederates, the Dead Boys, the Tories, the john Dorians, or the late Ranters, or the Hectors, whose rites and customs, were never fully executed (like these of the Don) without a ●ol●sa, or a Molinera, in plain English, a whore or so, for creature-comfort, as they call it; or as the Hectors, for Carnelevation. These Knights, (like the most generous of creatures) sight stoutly in view of their females, and 'tis well known how a dray-horse (though well laden) will forget his burden, and pluck vigorously and villainously too, if a Flanders Mare were in the wind.  
Always murmuring something betwixt the teeth as if he prayed.] I wonder the words of Consecration were not expressed: it may be because mine Host could read no otherwise, then was in the provender book; unto which, if he had literally kept, it would have made more for the dubbing of Rosinante, than the Don. But whosoever hath heard of the Canonization of Raviliacks Dagger, or the Benediction of Faulks his dark and Lantern, will say, that the ultra-marine Ceremonies, are singular and high, and therefore, once again (as the Dutch men drank at Abingdon) I will presume upon the Hesperian fancy, and recruit the defect, which mine Host if he had received, no doubt would have recited.  

DON Quixot's Ceremony.  
O bend those knees, that only now must kneel,  
And only now surrender up that steel,  
Which on thy neck and shoulder thou shalt feel. 
You must note, that the sign was in Taurus and Gemini.   
This bang upon thy neck, this shoulder-thwack,  
Take from thy Prelate, who doth charm thy back,  
With these cross wasters, from all blows, and black.  
Thy old Toled ' from hilt to point upreare,  
Horror i'th' hilt, death on the point appear,  
And from the blade, fly lightning every where.  
Thou Target, none of these from Heaven thrown,  
(Yet broke as those) repel the shot, the stone,  
Arrows and spears, and shield all blows from one.  
Thou spurre-royall, which art of truest steel,  
Let Rosinants' sides by thy advisos feel,  
When he must charge, retreat, bound up, or wheel.  
Thou Murrain bound in mystic ribbons close  
Unto his neck, let no Enchanters lose,  
Be by day Helmet, by day night cap, and noose.   

The Lady's Votes or Auspicies.  
Let virgin hand, 
Tolosa.  not used to handle blade,  
Nor any naked Thing, be not afraid  
To gird thy whinion to thy trusty Thigh,  
Whence stoutly draw; be happy, and be high.   

Molinera puts on the spur.  
Thus on my knees, (on which Sir Knight you ought  
To be to Ladies) I the spurr have brought,  
(Which you ought also give) if a geud Knight  
In Scotch land 'ere you fortune have to fight.   
The Knight entreated to call themselves Lady Tolosa, Lady Molinera.] This done, as at all Creations, there ought to be some Recreations, the Ladies looked to have been more than nominally dubbed, they curtesied him, but he Curtizaned not them, but what he failed of was supplied by the Carriers, who had not cast all their stones at the Knight, but had some left for the Ladies.    

CHAP. IU.  
Got from the Inn he lost his way almost,  
Yet won the title of the Knight o'th' Post:  
The Whipping-post I mean, where John Haldudo  
Did slash his boy (as many Master's do-do)  
Poor Andrew it had better been for thee  
Thou'dst ne'er been rescued from the kill tree.  
Thou wert reprieved but to be surer hanged  
Up by the heels: But Don himself was banged;  
A shrewd misfortune to our Errand Sir,  
But who can help't? 'twas fortune the la guerr.  

TEXT.  
YET Cou●sell, that he should ever carry about him money and clean shirts.] Verbum sapiento satum. Application is the life of Doctrine; wherefore our Don (not such a Fool as some make him) nor yet a pin the worse for this action, Faces about, and would home, and carry Tom Fool's Token with him; and though he had not heard of the decision, no doubt but his apprehensive soul had found out that there was something warmer than two shirts, and resolved it within himself to be Three. Wherefore he now determines, after long deliberation (which is best before great resolves) that he will neither be lousy, nor starve all the time of his Travel; which prudent course Rosinant liked well, and merrily tripped it homeward, or else he must have picked salads upon the rode-Common, and grazed gratis like the geese.  
He saw a Mare tied unto an Oak,] I believe Rosinante was a Gelding, or else a stallion super-annuate, otherwise this distressed Creature, at the Oak, might have moved him to some horse-errantry. But that service cannot be expected upon Hay as Provender; He that eats well does his work well; had Rosinante mounted the Mare, and raised his Knight a by-mounted Chevalier, no doubt but it had caused a new Frontispiece to the Book, and the Don had been cut a story higher. Had that Lady seen him which saw the Brewer's horse at the same exercise with the Cart and Barrels at his back (whence, by the way, Beer first learned to run a tilt) she would, no doubt, have said as much for Rosinante as the Dray-horse in his full career, that he would have made a brave bedfellow had he but two legs.  
The other beholding such an antic to hover over him.] Here is an Epitome in the Don, and the Master correcting his boy of Bridewell and Bedlam, only the Don hath grass for Litter, and is allowed the use of a horse, which few Furiosos (except Orlando) though of the best quality, ever had before.  
How much (quoth Don) did his Master owe him?] The Don was an unfit Umpire or Judge in this case, in my opinion, and too strict upon the Master, if he had remembered how he quit scores with mine Host; but I had imagined, by this nimble question, that he would have shared with the boy, had the Reals been numbered, and saved the journey of returning to his own house.  
All is well, quoth Don Quixot, let the price of the shoes, etc.] Pithy and pat, it would have become the Bench: servants that have hard Masters, let them read this Decision of the Dons, it will teach them an excellent way of discount; Tail phlebotomy, or Leaching may very well be set against breathing a vein, and excoriation or flaying the Podes, for given leather to the Pudds. If it were pleaded in the Chamber of London, I do believe it would have been excepted, and the boy (for his wit) set upon Record.  
Replied the boy's Master, I have no money.] This reply overthrows all Justice, Business, and Contrivance; no money, it non pl●sses all Suits, Actions, and Passions, or what you will. A Lady, once requesting a Gentleman to play at Gleek, was refused, but civilly, and upon three reasons; The first whereof, Madam, said the Gentleman, is, I have no money. Her Ladyship knew that was so material and sufficient, that she desired him to keep the other two reasons to himself.  
The righter of Wrongs, and undoer of Injuries.] Never did Knight take a title so inauspitiously both to himself and poor Andrew, for Andrew was forced to the Oak again, though his Indentures were once canceled. And the Don proved just contrary in the next exploit, being the abider of Wrongs, and undergoer, I cannot say, but underlayer of Injuries.  
I do also swear the same quoth the Farmer.] There is as great Equivocation in the high shoes as the Cowle, or the men of Trade. One would have presumed the Oath both Andrew and his Master swore could not have been broke (for they mutually invoked the Rock, which is a very hard book to kiss) but herein lay the evasion or mental reservation, when Andrew looked for Real payment, the Sophister his Master gave him Corporal.  
Who glad above all measure for his success.] Had Andrews picture and the Dons been taken about the same business (for both were high exalted) they would have made exact pieces of Heracltus, and Democritus, but Dicitur infect● re rediisse Domum. And the Don in this transportation was like the sleeper in the empty Theatre; who coming before the Play, or Auditors, dreamed of the passages, and laughed, clapped, hissed, and stamped, as if the Players had been entered, Vacuo sessor plausorque theatro. Even so, and so, To Dulcinea, the Empress of his labours, all devoires are tendered for her inspirations of speech and valour, as a man should say, briefly thus: 
Blest be Dulcinea, whose Favour I beseeching,  
Rescued poor Andrew, and his Nock-Andro from breeching.   
The way which oft held Knight Errants in suspense.] This stand of the Dons makes me suspect he was a Fool; for he is neither weather-wise, nor way-wise, nor penny-wise, but in this Quadry-way he might (though ne'er so valiant) be worsted, for here was four to one.  
And came with their Quitasotes.] These are overhead boon Graces, or Farthingales, a portable penthouse against the sun; we had an old Lord (or Lady shall I say! for King james, when he saw him at his first coming into England, swore, old Bess was alive again.) who used in the summer time a Fan, and if he had transplaced his huge poked ruff four handful higher, he had been in the Toledo mode, and brought the Quitasotes into fashion in his own Country.  
Such an adventure as he imagined.] The Don was extremely mistaken, for these were (though not Knights,) ●is brother Merchant adventurers.  
More beautiful than the Empress of the Mancha.] This is the first challenge, and Proclamation of his Lady's beauty: you shall find him begin and end a crier. The miserable, but not so sad a representative of many a calamity undergone, for no weightier a cause, than the beauty of a Lady. How many Ladies, have seen their servants, for the maintenance of that (perchance, whereof they are as great guardians, as Dulcinea deal Toboso) perished and lie like Philaster, or Cupid himself a bleeding. But this was a most high piece of madness in our Don, to proclaim his Lady's excellencies (if she had them) to the World, which commonly comes not to Idolise such pieces, but if they have purses (as these Merchants) to traffic for them. Go no farther than Gyges for the naked truth of this.  
That without beholding her, you do believe, confess, affirm, swear, and defend.] Most legally prosecuted I profess, to have, hold, occupy, and enjoy. But your Toledo Merchants are no fools, they will see and know their commodities before they buy: what, a pig in a poke? two words to a bargain: Ignoti nulla cupido. Give me the Merchant's judgements, not their leave. But the Knight is at his sic volo, sic jubeo; Dulcinea must be adored, and truly she deserved the knees of all that ever saw her, to be bowed in undissembled prayer, for deliverance from such a sight for ever after.  
I request you in all these Prince's names.] This need not go for a jest of the ingenious Merchant; for Sans controversy, none live more like Princes then they do.  
The Picture of the Lady, though no bigger than a grain of Wheat.] Such rare Models, and pieces of Art, are wonderful in these Countries, though of late; our Southern men, have learned to cut the ten Commandments; Creed, and Pater noster in a cherries stone, and we have seen, not a Lady's face indeed, but Father Garnets' in a straw, and his neck in a string.  
Don Quixot all inflamed with Choler.] The Merchant's sting in the tail of his speech, so nettled the Don, that had Rosinante been so in place where, no ground had held him. But the beast grew dull with his ridiculous weight, and spurred up unduly (in a furrow) did not stumble (as the author injuriously says) for Rosinante was not used to trip, but fell down directly, he never offered, but fell, and oftener to the ground then his oats. And here is Quixot flowndred (man and horse, as they say) groping like Polyphem● without his eye. Happy Don if (like Ulysses also) he could have hid himself amongst the Muttons, he might then have slept in a whole skin, which the Merchant's lackey, like a Ferret, clawed off: most ignoble enterprise. I shall conclude, for I cannot behold it any longer, with two Sympathetick lines.  
O see our Lion worried! In such denns  
Suck Lions roar, as we call Smithfield Penns.    

CHAP. V.  
Think not for all this boasting, yet to flout him,  
Though he have no lance, you'll find his wits about him.  
Crip'led, 'tis true, and in a hideous plight,  
(And so had lain, but for a friend all night)  
Yet he resolves to stand to his Romancees,  
Though on the ground he lie, and plies those Fancies.  
Nothing doth grieve him, of what came to pass,  
But that he road to th' Mancha on an Ass.  

TEXT.  
HE was resolved to have recourse to his ordinary remedy.] Account not this Poetical retirement of our Dons ridiculous, when he had no other help. It is the wisest turn and shift of passion, to evaporate grief, through the shaking of the Diaphragme. Storm one passion with another, or as the Don excellently well elevates his misfortunes from the gross apprehension of a dry basting, to an honourable defeat achieved in the pursuance of some Heroic design. It was enough to have deadened his high spirits, and extinguished this Infant History, if he too sensibly, or literally had commented upon the Bastinado: besides, the loss of his Lance, though it stuck emblematically on his sides, yet the fractures went to his heart. He that hath read Seneca or Boethius, is very well provided against an ordinary mishap, but to have by heart Argalus or Parthenia, or the dolorous Madrigals of old Plangus in the Arcadia, or the unfortunate Lover, or Pyramus and Thisbe, shall be sure never to die of the Mubblefubles. For to be acquainted with sadness, besets familiarity, and familiars never kill one another, unless the Devil be in them.  Sedatur Lachrymis, egeriturque dolour. 
Urine and tears, are the great exudatories of sorrow. If the Knight did both, you cannot blame him, and wanting the due partaker of his grief, Dulcinea del Toboso, he could not choose but lie in a strange pickle, which Dulcinea was never, giv● her her due (as we give her likeness) never I say, since she could beat a buck without a clean taile-clout for herself or her friend.  
Mr Quixada said his neighbour.] It had been affliction unutterable, to have owned that name, and returned to himself again. The trance of the Cobbler (drunk into the belief) that he was a Lord, was not to be shaken off without the loss of life, once recoblared, he was never his own man again. To return to the Leathern Apron, wax Fingers, and whistling to a blackbird, from such a Lordly dream, it put him (when Coblars speak Latin, they have some ends) to his● Pol me occidistis Amici.  
Non servastis (ai●) cui sic extorta voluptas,  
Et demptus per vi● mentis gratissimus error.  
Which thus is translated, 
(Friends) of the Cobbler you have made an end,  
Dreaming, a Lord; I waking am a Fiend;  
Oh make me drunk again, and on my word,  
I will continue drunk— as any Lord.   
Mounted him on the Ass as the beast of easiest carriage.] One Creature is ready to help another, though Homo homini L●pus. This beast (though by nature Aurite) was never so prick-eared, as now to hear the brave speech of Abin-Carry ass, and the Duke of Mantua, which Rosinante took for a Portmanteau; the Don lay upon his belly, for the Lackey had laid upon his back so, that he was spoilt for a star-gazer, and only was fit to be recovered as his great Brother Antaeus, by smelling to the fresh earth, which gets a stomach in an instant, and so the Don had, for his guts spoke very naturally to the capacity of Rosinante, and his fellow Brute, who make all haste they can to satisfy all sides.  
To whom the woman of the house said in a lamentable manner.] Of this old goodwise Pyrrha you have heard before, and of her age; now you shall know her for her adage, she was full of Saws, and one that had seen the day; she read without spectacles, and could thread a needle likewise, and see lost pins without the help of a pair of Nose-compasses; she knew what was what, ay, she knew the Don's Father, and remembered the first time that he smiled in his mother's Face, and hath a piece of the groaning Cake, (as they call it) which she kept religiously, with her Good Friday Bun, full forty good years unmouldy, and unmouse-eaten. Now that ever wise woman should see her Master come to this, to run a woolgathering, I would it were so well, but the Wool we shall have is as much as the Devil (God bless us) got when he shore a hog.  
His Niece affirmed the same.] This roguing Quean had watched her Uncle, and seen him act jeronimo in his short shirt, and now thinking him quite lost, discovers his mad pranks to the Curate and the Barber, one of which undoubtedly she thought to inveigle.  
And burned all those excommunicated Books.] Some books more than others incline men to madness; these of Errantry have a strange Influence upon the minds of the Readers, (especially if they be amorous, choleric, or melancholy persons who do study them) wherefore Cooks, Butchers, and all sedentary men, (who also are subject to the Piles) as Committee-men, Tailors, Gentile Craftsmen, Scholars over the degree of Doctors▪ and super-●nnuate, besides Ladies, & their Gentilewomen, and Gentilemen Ushers, all such should be prohibited the reading of them. For often they commit strange matters after the reception of a pathetical story, and the Ladies going to bed full of Imagination transgress in Fancy with Gondibert, and forget who they are under, or who is over them; There are as dangerous books as these, Broughton, Brightman, and he of Banbury, which if they were doomed to the same fire with our Don's Library, would have saved many ones wit, besides their money.  
He only requested them to give him some meat.] Venture Caret Auribus; The Don is now for the entertainment of great Dido, so strait they got some thickened milk, pan-pudding, and souse, such viands as they knew he loved, and let him eat till his bones were at rest, or (as they say) till his skin cracked, which was an easy matter, being so battered as he was, and bruised: But these recruits, and sleep, will restore him.  
Extend thy empty paunch unto the full,  
Laden with meat and blows, thou mayest be dull.    

CHAP. VI  
No place without a visitation,  
(Th' Inquisition's worse, yet two to one.)  
And while Don Quixot (dreaming no such matter)  
Sleeps, and refreshes his o're-tired nature;  
Four severe visitors the Study force,  
(Of which th' old woman was by far the worse;)  
The Barber and the Curate (learned men)  
Knew what to save, but silly women, when  
They have the chair, as if they were a baking,  
All to the oven must; in this sad taking  
Were these rare Volumes, which they censure first,  
And strait condemn, you know ill names are cursed  
To filthy fate; the Curate could reprieve  
But few, the Barber with his Niece did strive,  
And did the yielding Damsel so beseech,  
That she did lay some Books under her breech  
For his own use, and for that mighty blessing,  
He gave the Book second Impression:  
But th' old woman was most implacable,  
(For she heard him jeer at old wives Fables,)  
And therefore all alike must to't. And thus  
Without Index expurgatorius,  
Or Melius Inquirendum, O sad story!  
The Books, the Books, do suffer Purgatory.  

TEXT.  
HIs Library the only Author of his harm.] This is a hard Chapter, like that of a Pedigree full of hard names, which to pass over with a stout silence, were unworthy a Commentator, as if it were all Parenthesis, and as well out, as in; or to give no more light than the construing book, which (of every thing, not understood by the translator) saith, it is the name of a Tree, a bird, a fish, a place, or a plant so called. No, no, being it is a critical piece, and a censure of the most masculine and smartest Authors of Errantry, and a final condemnation of some of them to Vulcan, we must not exfulgore dare fumum, (make a black book of what they made a light fire) give a snuff for a flaming Taper: wherefore we lament this Incendium Trojae, the firing of this famous Library, and in as high a fury (though not so worthy) as he for Maro's, cry out; 
— Ergò ibit in ignes  
Stultaque vaniloqui Flagrabit Musa Quesadae.   
Which in English is thus elegantly (though not ad literam) translated.  
Pox●on thee Vulcan, and if that won't do,  
Thy Wife's Pox on thee, and Bess broughton's too.  
Which verses were made upon the like mishap, when the Annals of the famous City of Madrid, that is the acts Chivalry of the twenty four single Signiora's Combats of the two Consuls. The Tournaments of the common Consiliarii, the quarterly prizes of the Deputies of the Wards, and their seconds, the Quest-men. Besides the Annual Amphipoliticall and tumultuary certamina, or Feasts of twice twelve societyes, every Praetorian day, with the strange Feasts of the Greenmen, Whifflers, Marshals, and his Ministers: Besides, the Naval expedition of the Gallyfoist, and many other renowned works, were all burnt to ashes, not so much as a line surviving or escaping, in that neverto be forgotten conflagration of Father Benjaminos study; Wherein, besides these books of Infamous loss, were the several duels, onslaughts, storms, and military performances, of the two never to be reconciled families, (like the Capulets and the Mountchensies, Eteocleans, and Polyniceans, Douglases and Percies, Guelves and Guibblins) of enraged Sir john Daw, and incensed Sir Amorous La-●ool.  
— Quis talia Fando,  
Temperet à Lachrymis?  
Which runs thus, but not verbatim; for I do not tie myself up close to the words.  
Who can these tales relate, and burning Histories,  
And not contribute the Church buckets of his eyes,  
Or new found spouts of tears?  
This digression pardoned, I return to the note; whence I collect, that it is not love, that always makes men mad, nor grief and pease pottage, that only swells the belly; by woeful experience we see, that by turning over such books, the vertigo hath taken the brains, (which being themselves voluminous, as you see in a Calves-head cleaved in twain) they are much hurt with volumes of a contrary make, especially those that are simple and foolish, whereas sage with brains is very good, and rosemary is a good Cephalick, and time, savoury, and sweet marjoram, in good pottage, make excellent settle-brain. But these kind of simples, and leaves of Errantry (though the Knights themselves have had opportunity to be as great Herbalists, as Gerrard, johnson, or the I● Ambarvalion) yet experience, (which is the Mistress, and must rule this roast) teaches us, that they are noxious to the brain, and if to the brain, necessarily to the head, and you know Caput malum, est Caput malorum. And so is this Chapter, a Chapter of the saddest contents that e'er was made.  
The old Woman returned with a holy waterpot to besprinkle, etc.] The old woman should have turned the bottle upon her own self, who being the very Hecuba, and unquenchable Boutif●u of the company, proved the very firebrand to this study, and had she been but soused out of her balneo mariae, many books no doubt had escaped, which her dry malice, or rheumatic ignorance condemned to the Ovens whole, or else by parts under apple-pyes or Fools (on which the Don insatiably always fed, and nourished à simili, admirably well) or else to more uncomely and unprofitable ends. For Mr Cuthbert and Sir Roger, were mercifully inclined, and through their great understanding, gave many of the Books their Book, and would have but lightly singed some, or with a cold Iron, which this old Beldame burnt out of hand.  
Commanded the Barber to fetch down the books.] Now the Library ladder is mounted, like the the execution scaling stairs, and Mr Nicholas, like old Mounsieur, toll down the books with as little remorse, as a Carman does billets; whether in Folio, Quarto, Decimo sexto, stitched or bound, of what Sex, what age soever, whether printed at Anti●yrae, or by the approbation of the College of Gotham, Cum Privelegio, or sine, down they go, whilst the licentiat, like Mr Godcoale, at the foot of the Cart, gives ghostly counsel to some, and to others the dreadful words of Ite malam in crucem, farewell and be burnt. For the Dons Books were not fastened as the Books in public Libraries: then perchance these witty censurers would have permitted them to have hung in their own chains, in terrorem, to all Knight Errantry-scriblers for ever.  
The first book was touched, was Amadis De Gaul.] Of the Original of Knight-Errantry, there is much controversy. I am not of the opinion, that Amadis de Gaul was the first book of that Nation, they being supposed to be descended of the jews, which were Errand over the face of the whole earth, and no doubt, many books of this nature, are to be read in Hebrew without pricks: and that all others had their beginning from this, is as improbable: What think you of the Iliads, the Aeneads, the Frog and Rat-fights, the Pigmies and the Giants, and the Giganto-machi, which were all pure Errantry, and of more famous and reverend antiquity; so you Amadis may 
Long sequere & vestigia semper adora;  
Since that you stand for eminence in letters,  
Learn manners first, and yield unto your betters.   
This said the Barber is Amadis of Greece.] Amadis of Greece? why may not this be of the ancienter house, of the D' Amadisses: we have very good Authority for the Country in general.  
— E● quic quid Graecia mendax  
Audet in Historiâ.  
Graeculus esuriens in caelum jusseris ibit.  
Which was further than ever any Knight Errand went, though they have been even starved as my Don. And for particular places, Aratus will testify for the Cretians, that they were liars without intermission, as he writes it to their teeth in their own language; we will therefore end this perplexed piece of controversy (as our father Ben hath given example,) who dedicating his Fox to the two Universities of this Island, Foxlike (knowing they always quarrelled for Antiquity) in a most handsome and unenviable compellation, styled them most equal Sisters: So of these two Brothers in Errantry, that we may not set the books together, against one another; let them be Fratres Fraterrimi: but the licentiate is not so merciful here, as he might have been; for Amadis of Greece being the younger, was more fit to have been saved, and D' Gaul to have been sacrificed, being of the older house, which was fittest for the fire.  
For he had deprived it of much natural worth, in the translation.] Aurea haec verba. Translations are commonly the stains and shadows to their Parents, and gain only a reputation to the original Author. Father Ben (when one unhappily mulcted for peeping into holes, he had no right to, swore he had got a clap, which he called the French Pox) was worthily wroth at the expression, and in a fume, said, why not (Sir) the English Pox? we have as good and as large, as they have any. If a disease may not be translated, why a book? Let English men write of their own wits, fancies, subjects, disputes, sermons, Histories; Romancees are as good, vigorous, lasting, and as well worthy the reading, as any in the world. Our Fairy Queen, the Arcadia, Drayton, Beaumond and Fletcher, Shakespeare, johnson, Rondolph; and lastly, Gondibert, are of eternal fame; But Captain jones, the only unparallell Romancy, and fit to be the Legend of all Countries, and fit to be translated by foreign Nations, for the reason in the Text. But other effects we have of this wise; for would we translated nothing but books from other Nations, our very vanities, nay, vices, and amongst them our oaths, must be of an exotic extraction, and we have arrived unto that damnable excellency (shame to our proficiency and ability, in as various and big dialects, as the jonick, Attic, Doric, Hellenick, or any other) nay, as all Nations under Heaven: Countrymen, 
Pudet haec opprobria vobis,  
Et dici potuisse, & non potuisse refelli.   
If we must be translating, let us translate these vices to their proper quarters, be just, and give every Country that which is their own; sufficient will be our vices, for our punishments: wherefore to Germany, her ebriety, to Spain her ambition; to France her levity, to Turkey her Polygamy, to Greece her lies, to Rome her superstition, to Venice her jealousy and revenge, to Scotland her treachery; and so to every part what is theirs, and fear not, the remains perchance will be more than the full meal.  
Let Palmerin of England be preserved.] Gratias Hispane! I could kiss thy large Moor-lip, for this favour: But had you heard of Bevis of Southampton, the Counter-scuffle, Sir Eglamore, john Dory, the Pindar of Wakefield, Robin Hood, or Clem of the Cluff, these no doubt had been recommended to the Vatican, without any Index expurgatorius, or censure at all.  
These, to wit, books of Poetry, ought not to be burned.] Po●ts indeed, were excommuned Plato's Commonwealth; but yet Augustus, in the Zenith of his Empire, cherished them, and sat with them. If such abilities depress not themselves by mean subjects, but keep up the gravity of their styles in their due decorum, not making Corinna's of Levia's, adulterating, and estimating their fancies with unbecoming mixtures, they and their writings too, may be fit company, for the best Potentates in the World.  
(Quoth the Niece) you shall do well, to have them burned also.] This wench, was neither wise nor beautiful, nor ever had ingenious servant, who bestowed a copy of verses upon her Mopsa's face, else she would have been more pitiful to men of this employment, who get little (god wot) by their wits, if they cannot purchase a maids good will. If all the female World were so hard hearted, what a ruin would fall on a number of distressed wights, who have no estates left, but Physic, Poetry, or teaching a school? The gentler breasts of the virginities of London, are compassionately moved, if a Ballad of jane Shore be revived, or any figment new raised: where Phillis and Corydon, sadly complain of their own unfortunate loves; or indeed, if any Shepherd be so long, (through the unjustifiable stubbornness of his Amaryll) kept from his, and her desires too, for all her seeming coyness, that poor man, he is put to that necessity, that he will have her by hook or by crook.  
The treasure of divers Poems.] It is a book with our schoolboys, in great request, called in the Latin Tongue, Thesaurus Poeticus. As others we have for helps of young boys, such as delitiae delitiarum, Flores Poetarum, which being collections (choice, as the Authors promised, if their judgements were always in the right) out of the numerous list of the sons of the Quill; there may be very good use of them (as Mr Licentiat knew of the use of Postils) if the lazy or ignorant scholar, did not take the whole copy, instead of a little, to piece out his fancy; But is in Poetry, as in other thefts, give an inch, and they'll take an ell.  
It should be purged of some base things.] Our age first reformed in Poetry, and afterwards in Religion: Marhassis, I remember, was gelt, if that be English for Castratus, who is one of the quickest wits, (and a Spaniard by birth) as ever wrote an Epigram: yet he had some salt in his tail, which was not refined, which calls to mind, that about the time that Author came out purged, and made an Eunuch, a reverend Doctor had the book, and singularly commended it, as it stood now corrected and amended, for it had passed the stool of repentance, and I believe, the emasculations were some Scotch man's. Now the Doctor (for he was much taken with the pure B●●ke) told his scholars all the filthy Epigrams which were left out, and had excellently translated them all from the copy to his head, and I believe to his heart, for by heart he had them all.    

CHAP. VII.  
Our Knight awakes, perplexed and very moody,  
At all his losses, javelin, wits and study;  
That Muniaton, Freston, or the Devil,  
The one should be so cruel, this uncivil.  
Full fifteen days he rested at the Mancha,  
Until by chance he met with Sancho Pancha,  
Who was a credulous old fool, a man,  
Who thought each Goose of Quixots was a Swan:  
And swelled with hopes of Kingdoms and of Castles,  
He leaves his house, and will with fortune wrestle.  
Just as you see them in the Frontispiece,  
Not eggs to eggs are liker, Geese to geese.  

TEXT.  
WHile they were thus busied, DON Quixot cried, here, here, valorous Knights.] As in other fires of wood or coal, you imagine you see the shapes of Men, Lions, Horses, and other strange creatures; so by the light of this Book-bonefire (as plain as Eteocles and Polynices in their flames were seen fight) did visibly apprehend, he saw the most desperate Tourney that ever was performed by Knights, which raised his valorous soul from his bed to action: deprived he is, stout heart, of arms all, but his natural; his lance miserably shivered, past the cure of a cunning joiner, the Helmet in so many despicable pieces, not fit to make nails of, yet thus bereft, only in soul, cap-a-pe a soldier, his high conceit 
In praelio trudit inermem.  
Soon as he waked, he fell a fight naked.   
He continued cutting and slashing on every side.] He is in the very same postures, as I knew one, who being sound dozed, had the charity of his conquerors to buttress him up from the Inn to his chamber, where like my Don, he took quiet repose for two or three hours, after he awakes intolerably dry, and inflamed i'th' throat, roared out and stamped (supposing he had been at the Inn, not in his chamber) for the Tapster, whom loudly and often he called for, crying, I burn, I burn, Canns you rogue, and impatient of delay, threatens to fetch him with another Alarm, which suddenly he puts in execution, and storms his own glass windows so furiously with bedstaffs, old shoes, and the like weapons, that he made a breach big enough, out of which he might have thrown the room after: And had not one of his fellow Collegioners passed by, and reconciled him to his windows, the actions of battery would have been so chargeable, that his whole years pension would scarce have paid for the reparations.  
His lines, pronounced by himself, do ravish the hearers.] Just as much I believe, as when a Greek Oration (spoke excellently well by a boy, who stood for Election, but made by his Master) wrought upon one of the chief of the company, who commended the boy that spoke the Greek so exceedingly, that the Electioners (which were Scholars) induced by his excessive liking of that tongue, desired to know, how long he had been skilled therein, and he answered bona Fide, 'twas well he had so much Latin, that he understood not a tittle of it, but he liked it, because it sounded bravely. It is indeed a brave language, for a man of a full mouth, a large tongue, and wide jaws, which are good marks for a horse too, (for there is room enough for their breath to play, and 'tis a sign also of a noble heat in any creature, where the parts are not too unproportionably extended.)  
Graiis dedit ore rotundo  
Musa loqui.  
Greek is pronounced wrong,  
Unless you trole it o'er the tongue.  
I have heard, that the Poets of the Fortune and red Bull, had always a mouth-measure for their Actors (who were terrible teare-throats) and made their lines proportionable to their compass, which were sesquipedales, a foot and a half.  
The Curate would have all the rest burnt at all adventures.] Crepat ingens Sejanus. Down goes Retont and Pelican, Sericon and Bufo. If these books had been old shirts, much might have been saved in tinder, enough I believe, to have served the Mancha, till the Resurrection: But paper, though it be made of rags, is the most unprofitable of all things set on fire. Nay, I think, that out of the ashes of these monumental Histories, it were impossible, ever by the labour of Alchemy, to recover the resemblances of the principles, whence they came, nay, not so much as the figure of the pot, which in most Quires is very visible. Otherwise, the Don no doubt, for the love he bore these Authors, would have made that his first adventure, and might have been as famous upon Record, for Chemical experiments, as he is at this day, for Heroic undertake.  
The Barber opened a book, called the tears of Angelica.] One act of grace yet, Angelica's tears would have extinguished the fire, and therefore were kept out, but without doubt, the true reason, why the Curate and Barber were induced to save it, was this; they both were good fellows, and looking down upon their bestript doublets and skirts, spared the tears of Angelica, for the tears of the tankard, wherein both were drenched.  
In good sooth, Lord Archbishop Turpin.] Such strange impressions makes strong fancies, and works not only upon women wonderful effects, but even the most masculine spirits have been (as well as our Don) shrewdly tainted with it. A Gentleman importuned, at a fire-night in the public Hall, to accept the high and mighty place of a mock-Emperour, which was duly conferred upon him, by seven mock-Electors at the same time, with much wit and Ceremony; The Emperor ascended his chair of state, which was placed upon the highest table in the Hall, and at his instalment, all Pomp, Reverence, and signs of homage, were used by the whole company: Insomuch that our Emperor (having a spice of self-conceit before, was sound peppered now) for he was instantly Metamorphozed into the stateliest, gravest and commanding soul, that ever eye beheld. Taylor acting Arbaces, or Swanston D'Amboys, were shadow's to him; his pace, his look, his voice, and all his garb was altered. Alexander upon his Elephant, nay, upon the Castle upon that Elephant, was not so high, and so close did this imaginary honour stick to his fancy, that for many years he could not shake off this One nights assumed deportments, until the times came, that drove all Monarchical imaginations out, not only of his head, but every ones.  
He called for his breakfast, which was presently brought.] This Barber, I perceive was no Barber Chirurgeon; nor the Curate himself any great observer of Lent, Ember weeks, or other fasting days, else they would have kept him fasting, according to the diet of Bedlam, which was the only way to allay his fight spirit, which being ever and anon supplied by the fumes of baked pudding, and his body blown up with flatulent meat, such as pease-pottage, radishes, and on yons made, such dangerous recruits in him, that without prayers and spare diet, it was impossible to exorcise his Frenzy.  
The plot was to change his Chamber, and dam up his study.] This delusion of his Chamber, was good, pro tempore. I knew a humorous Cook in Oxon, so given to shift and alter doors in his house, that one morning early, he changed the door belonging to a pair of stairs, which went to one of his Lodgers chambers; who not knowing of this alteration, run down hastily (as at other times) and found his head stuck in a new mud wall, which did so confound him (going about some other necessary business) that by reason of the forcible detainer, it was a great question, whether he was in more mortar, above or below. Of the like loss of a study, it is certain, that a scholar called somewhat hastily from the place to a friend, who had brought some token to him, left his door wide open, and making merry somewhat late, returned at night, and resolved to have candle, (though his head was light enough, he passed by his study-door, and came to the window in the study, where finding himself, he cried ou● (frighted at the apprehension of his loss) Thiefs, Thiefs, my Study is stolen, but indeed he had lost nothing but that afternoon and his wits, which his chamber-fellows (awakened with the noise he made) recovered him to, and having put the door into his hand with much ado, was persuaded to lock it up, and secure the Study better against morning.  
Muniaton Freston.] This Enchanter is of no note, nor do I find his name in any famous Authors of Daemonology, he is not so much as mentioned in Cornelius Agrippa, nor yet in the Shepherd's Calendar, unless he was some one of those three Bungi, Bacon, or Vandermast: and so hath changed his name, (as is usual with Jesuits and Enchanters) I know not whom it should be.  
The poor fellow determined to serve him for a Squire.] Sancho hath bit at the ambitious bait, and is caught poor fellow, he knew not what a dance the Don would lead him, before he returned to the shaking of the sheets, with his joan Gutierez.  
Multa tulit fecitque puer, sudavit, & alsit;  
Much did the poor old Squire endure, before  
He got to be the Lands Governor.  
But above all things he charged him to provide himself of a wallet.] Two things very unsuitable and Inaugurable for such grand designs, an Ass and a Wallet. But whosoever hath read the History of Masinello, a poor contemptible fisherman, will think nothing impossible. An Ass or two, (Sancho and his Beast, give them but the fortune) may overrun Muleasses and his Barbaries, and a wallet may sack Constantinople.  
Si fortuna volet, fies de Rhetore Consul.  
In English thus,  
If it seem good to powerful fate,  
A Dray-horse may be a horse of state.  
In that of the Ass the Don stood pensive.] Parvis principiis res magnae crescunt. If he had bestrid Bucephalus, the World could have but gazed at him, and so they would now: excesses and defects have always the same admiration, as much wondering at jeffery, as the great Porter. Be not troubled and disquieted (O Don of vast desires!) Take the Ass along with thee, and be not ashamed, though his ears are unsightly, his back is serviceable. No Beast, except a Dromedary, (and Sancho upon the Ass makes one) will be able to go under the spoils, that thy valour will achieve.  
Mounté cheval, and through all Nations pass,  
That word mounts thee, and Sancho mount thy Ass.  
Sancho Pancha road on his beast like a Patriarch.] whether the Primitive Patriarches road so, (I mean those before the flood) is very difficult to prove. Ass' indeed, were then much in use, but for the waller's, unless it were in the great famine, when they went down to Egypt to buy food, I find not example for it; I am sure our Modern Patriarches do not so, the Patriarch of Constantinople not so, nor of Alexandria so, nor his Holiness Papatriarch so, nor the Archbishop of Toledo so. The Mule, and glorious Foot-cloath-pages, and Harbingers, are all too little for these Patriarches; yet these are governor's of more than Lands, what Sancho will do when he is in honour, noman knows.  
Joan Gutierez my wife become a Queen.] joan was a great damp to the high thoughts of Sancho. For a man of his expectations to be depressed with a slut, a whore, or a fool (or it may be all at once in one) was an intolerable weight. A dung boat sunk in a shallow, where a wherry is to pass, lies so pestilence unhappy, that neither itself can get forward, or any thing by it. It calls to mind, a story of a poor, but simple woman, who for want of a grain or two of discretion, lost her husband the highest advantages of the World that ever was. For the good man had so spent his time in true and honest pains, contented and not murmuring, that Fortune seemed to smile upon him, as oft as he came to worship at her Temple, whither he oft resorted; the gracious looks of the Goddess encouraged him to ask something more than before he used, & yet considering with himself, that too bold a votary might be repulsed, he modestly bounded his request with sure, that her goodness would confer three wishes upon 'em, which from the Oracle was answered; Ratified; Wish, and be happy. The joyful man acquainted his wife straight, who having been the constant companion of his labours, was meet to share in his good fortunes; but she was just such another Niddecook as joan Gutierez, and the first thing she desired her husband, was, that one of these wishes, might be left to her disposal. The good old man, willing to gratify her, said, yea Love, one I will spare thee: So to the Fair they came, whither they were bound, and the woman casting her eyes round about, to see what she should make the choice of her wish, at last, (remembering what she wanted at home) spied a handsome wooden ladle, which she forthwith wished for, and as soon the thing was in her hand, which her husband seeing and impatient at the miscarriage of the first wish, wroth with his wife for her simplicity, wished the Ladle in her breech, which out of hand was instantly there. But the poor woman (like a fly with a straw in the same place) was so tormented, besides the shame, that she desired her husband, that as he ever hoped to partake of the delights of the opposite place, he would remove this impediment, to which the uxorious man condescended, and in charity to his wife, wished it out again. So all the three wishes went in and out with a Ladle.    

CHAP. VIII.  
Having a witness and his Squire to boot,  
He dares high things; now let the Mills look to't,  
Which though enchanted in those forms by Freston,  
He does encounter, but hath not the best on't;  
For up he's hoisted in their sails, and flying  
Ith' air aloft, on th' earth he ne'er feared dying.  
Roz'nant was changed into a Pegasus,  
Bellerephon they made, and Perseus.  
Poor Sancho on the ground, doth gape and stare,  
And sees his Don dubbed woeful, Prince ' o'th' air;  
Where if the Force had giv'● him t' other whisking,  
He'd near come down to Combat the proud Biscaine;  
But he descends, though ne'er so high a flyer,  
And Sancho moans him on the ground a Liar.  

TEXT.  
QUoth Sancho, pray understand that those Giants are Windmills.] This gross mistake of the Don▪ to the not drinking or clearing his eyes in a morning, which Sancho never omitted, and if the Squire were not the sharper witted, he was the quicker sighted, doth appear plain by the story. For he saw at a convenient distance forty windmills to be the very same, that the ipecies represented them; unless such a spiritual mischance befell the Dons eyes, as did ones ears, who standing very attentive to a sermon, yet by no means of straining his neck, or shifting his portholes could receive any articular sound or sentence, which troubled him much, but so much the more, when he espied him, and farther off than he stood, one taking notes very swift in short hand: Whereupon he removed his station, and thought philosophically, that some angles of the Church might carry the voice to that place by his circular concaves, whither when he came, he was as unable to hear as before. He beheld himself, and Sermon-Writer, and did not know which most to wonder at, his own deafness, or the fellows acuteness. At last he asked the Brachygrapher, whether he wrote the notes of that Sermon, or something of his own conception? Yea (good Sir) said Stenography, the words of the Teacher in truth; The other replied, it was impossible, for I have stood by thee some while, and but even now a yard or two nearer to the Minister, and cannot hear a syllable; That may be, said the Scribbler, unless you have sanctified ears. So it may be the Don had his eyes sanctified, and happily then (though unhappily here) he might discern Windmills for Giants. But yet Sancho's eyes for me, which in time (for they were upon improvement) would easily (or at least as far as another man's) look through a Millstone.  
If thou art afraid, go aside and pray.] Sancho though he was none of the best at his prayers, yet at this time made election rather of his devotions than the assault: His prayers were short and home; God bless me, and my children all three, and jone from above th● knee, and no more. But it became not the Knight to give this liberty to his Squire, nor the Squire to take it, who was not to be upon his knees when the Don was upon the sally. But 'twas his first entrance; and though Sancho did not what was soldierlike, yet he obeyed orders, and therein he is excusable.  
With this the wind increased, and the sails turned about.] Notwithstanding the danger of their turning, the Don scorned the motion, and assails them, and no doubt had Rosinante been a Mill-horse, as his Master by one attribute was a Miller, they had carried the business round; but here the Mill had the better, for their want of experience only in such fights, for the Don should not have grappled here, but charged at distance, and letting alone his trusty Lance should have ventured on with lighted links, and then he had made clear way to his victory, and having fired the sails had also fired the Castle, and Cacus in it, where if there had been as much dough as meal, the same fire would have made him and Sancho Cakes enough for their Wallet, and the Mill should have been the Oven; but those that ever saw the Picture of falling Icarus, may guess the condition of our Don, who fell not into any sea, that afterwards bore his name, but with a sound Thump he fell to the Earth, who bore his body; his mother had hoped he would have returned to her as she gave him to the World, but he falls a Centaur, who came forth a man, and a heavy burden he was, as ever lay upon a Grandmothers back.  
Sancho comes to his succour as fast as the Ass would drive.] Poor Sancho laments the windfall his Master, and was gathering him up like a bruised Coddling Apple a little corrupted on the Leaguer side. I know not whether from this eminent misfortune that befell the Dons Windmills, since have been made to go to the Left, in memory of this dishonourable usage. The Observation hath escaped the learned Author of the Vulgar errors, and I will not undertake the decision.  
Diego Peres of Vargas.] This Knight from his success against the Moors gotten with an Arm of an Oak, was surnamed Machusa, which signifies with us john an Oaks; and our Don (or if Sancho had the brains, for the Squires were whimed in the whisk) might very well from that encounter have styled himself a Knight of Milan. So Scipio from his victory against Carthage, was called Africanus, and the Caesars surnamed from their Successes, Almanicus, Gothicus, Britannicus, Germanicus, Dacicus, and Claudius, for other exploits, was called C●●●icus, and was the very 
* Dackins a fellow used to defile himself.  Dackins of all the Emperors. And no doubt but Sancho, if he had skill in the Latin, would have called him Querceticus of the Mancha.  
Don Quixot could not forbear laughing, hearing the simplicity of his Squire] This is the first symptom, whereby 'tis guessed the Don to be rational, that he could laugh. The Query of Sancho's was very provident. For Sancho having now two capacities, the one personal, and the other Squire erranticall, 'twas very well worth the enquiry to know in which of those two he should suffer. For if the Squires Arm, Leg, or Neck were broke, it made no matter, so that Sancho Pancha were a whole man (as they say.) But the Knight did state the Question in the Affirmative, that the Bodies of Squire-Errants, and Knight-Errants, likewise, do suffer personally (as Witches in their Bodies suffer for the harms of the shapes of Cats, Dogs, Hares, or any Creatures else they assume) For Errantry is but a nobler kind of Incantation and Witchcraft sans question, and therefore à simili 'tis subject to the same Inconveniencies. Our Knight (who was none of the wisest) experimentally knew (which is the surest knowledge of all, but not the safest,) that when the Knight-Errant was in the air, that Don Quixot was there also, and when he and Rosinante come with a squash to the ground, that the Squire-Errant was then Couchant in a field Greene, Nose Gules, and Sides and Back azure: and so you may state the Question for Personal or Politic capacities, if you hurt one you hurt both.  
Then Sancho said unto him, it was dinner time.] Sancho could not look on the one side him, but the Wallet did Item him, such mementoes he liked very well; a fall too, rather than a fall from the Windmill; but the Don had not maw to victuals, having not yet digested his Feast of fresh air, which almost turned him into a Camaelion. But he that travels with a Cane that will hold Sack (for such there are as well as Sugar Canes) may go further than one with a firm Staff, this is better to jump with, or lean on, but for a great journey I would rely on the other. The Bottle and the Wallet are two good Companions; and as he road, it was in Persian state, for the ends of the Wallet being of each side, Sancho possessed the middle place (which in those Eastern Countries) is of highest honour. The Bottle Sancho often advanceth to his nose, which raised his eyes to heaven, which he seldom so devoutly looked on, as in that posture, and by that means he often called to remembrance that there was something above him.  
So Cyrus on a Dromedary rod,  
Adoring, like to Sancho, his Warmed God.  
He tore an Oak and set on the Iron of his own.] It was strange that Sancho did not alight and set on the Iron, but permit his Master to do it. But hence you may gather, that Knight-Errants as they are of all Countries, and all Languages, so they are of all Trades; They take it from the Ottoman Race, who are always bred up to handicrafts.  
Thou must not assist me, unless those that assault me be base and Vulgar people] Very easy Indentures these of a Squire-errant; and yet had they been given sooner, Sancho was, by his Conditions, to have run the same danger with his Master at the encounter of the Windmills: For what more base Castle than a Mill? And what more vile Rogue than the pilfering Giant in it? But Sancho was not dubbed, and therefore was excusable, and never meant to be, and therefore would for ever be excused. Nor did ●uixot (as ever I read of) make trial of his Squires personal valour before they mounted, as a Knight in our Country (but not of that Order) did, who having dealt with a Master of the noble science of defence for his Usher of the School, whom he obtained from him for a sum of money, before he came to his own seat road to a City, where he was acquainted with a huge Bravo in that Art, unto whom he repaired, and told him, that he had got a young pretender to the tactics, and desired that he would be pleased to try what mettle he was made of; the Tryer, looking very disdainfully upon the young man, (as Goliath upon little David) went forthwith to the School, where having chose the weapons, to it they fell, the Tryer bidding him Guartha, and be careful, for he should give him cause to know, that he met a man of skill; the Usher lay purposely open, and unguarded, and the other spying the advantage gave him a brush, whereat he vapoured extremely, shaking his head at the fellows unexperiencednesse; whereupon the Usher gathered up his skill and mettle at once, and gives his Trier such a wipe o'er the shins, that he made him make a Leg for't, though not in Courtship; and presently retires to the Knight, and swore, 'Tis a pretty fellow, there's hopes of him: Anon the Usher gives him a shrewd swap on the very end of the elbow, which he rubbed likewise in his commendations, and said, 'Tis a very pretty fellow i' faith. By and by the Probationer with quick returns laid his Trier o'er the sides, legs, and pate, all in an instant, whereupon he threw away his Weapon, and swore to the Knight, He is for your turn Sir, 'Tis a question whether his Tongue or head ran faster in his commendation.  
Do you not see Sir (said Sancho) that these are Friars of Saint Bennets Order.] The Don (contrary to the advice of Sancho) attempts this more dangerous adventure; for the Windmills could only grind the body, but these Friars the Purse. That Coat is higher prized in Spain than in England, where it was five pound a blow, and the Don being a nimble striker, how soon might the revenue of the Mancha have been thrashed out upon one of their Canonical Coats? Besides the danger of the Inquisition, which Sancho dreaded as hell, where no Wallet would be admitted, and the bottle of good Sack for ever to be banished, Bread and Water unto Sancho! the Furies were not worse Torment to him than the latter of them, for which cause he was very glad the World should ne'er be drowned again; for of all deaths he hated it, and like Ovid, not with him, was used to cry out, Demite naufragium, Mors mihi munus erit. Which john Tailor thus Englisheth: 
To drink indeed is all my wish,  
But how, not to drink as a Fish.   
Sancho run in to the Monk, and would have ransacked his habits.] Non videt id Manticae quod in tergo est? Yes, Sancho had seen Cappuchines, and knew where their Wallets were, where the stock lay, no paddee to a Trooper, so expert; and now you see the chief of Sancho's service, he was for the plunder, the Squire for the bag, the Knight for the baggage, for he is with the Biscaine Lady, while his Squire made an adventure indeed, of robbery, but was taken in the fact, and having two unmerciful Jurymen, and Judges (for they were all) two heavy fisted Lackeys, never was horse so curried, betwixt two Northern Jockeys, as Sancho was. Sancho pleaded well, that they were lawful prize by law of Arms, but the unskilful knaves (not known to Civil Courts) used him very barbarously, nay, no Barber would have served him so, (though he had often gone away trimmed for nothing) they grubbed up his reverend hairs by the roots, and left his chin as bare, as a pulled hens rump. In ten years' travels they came not again; so that joan at his return, thought him made young again, and had they grubbed downward, and a like growth come there also, it might have passed for a very good Metamorphosis. The Monk all this while (though he had his, Thou shalt not steal for Sancho) not remembering his Lackeys of the other precept (which was very near violating, for Sancho was breathless, and that is as good as dead,) got to his horse, and with a greater speed (than he road to be admitted into the Monastery) made away, and left poor Sancho in pate and beard a Monk, but of the order of the Maledictines.  
Get thee away Knight in an ill hour, or I will kill thee,] This Biscainer was a Castrill, a very Foighter, and no doubt, but the Pusses in the Coach, were his sisters. But the Don recounting with himself (notwithstanding that he swore damnably, he would kill him) the infallibility of his security in being Knight-Errant, that it was impossible to be ever outright killed, he made bold to throw the Caitiff in his face, which was the greatest affront to a Biscainer (who is terrâ marique, a gentleman) that could be offered. Had the Biscaine been tossed as our Don was by the Windmill, and a little higher in concavum Lunae, no doubt but he had been a gentleman by all the four Elements. Two such high spirits are now met, and more implacable than Clinias and Dametas. The Author leaves us uncertain of the issue of this single combat, (which however it went with the Master) was notorious on the Brutus' side, for Rosinante run down the hired, tired jade of the Biscainer: 
And if the horse such praises had,  
The Knight got more, or he was mad.   
The End of the first Book.     

FESTIVOUS NOTES UPON DONQUIXOT. BOOK II.  

CHAPTER I.  
jolt here! we're at a loss, now what shall we do,  
We must tothth' Exchange for news, e'en at Toledo.  
Where if a Hawker with old scrolls Arabic  
do not support us, down goes all this Fabric  
Of Quixotsy Errantry; but let me tell ye,  
We haply meet Hamete Benengeli,  
An old Arabian book, which very few  
Do understand, but we have hired a Jew▪  
(Of which there are good store in Spain,) who kenned  
A better tongue, then wherein this is penned.  
He doth translate this brave ensuing story,  
Which book by book shall now be laid before you.  
Give ear therefore, 'tis time, for we have found  
One of our Dons fallen off from's head tothth' ground,  
Cut by proud Biscaine hand, but see he lies,  
To answer for one ear, with both his eyes,  
He dearly pays the making Don, Scriva-no  
Dead on the place, but that the Ladies-pray-no:  
What could not Ladies do upon a Peer,  
The most humane, that ever wore an ear.  
No man but he, would e'er used a foe-so,  
Upon his homage done to Dull Toboso.  

TEXT.  
WE left the Don and Biscaine in so doubtful taking.] This pause, is like an Istmos or Peninsula, which dividing two enraged seas by her natural interposition, keeps them from emboguing or praecipitating one into the other. Otherwise, jonium Aegeo frangit mare, as saith his lofty Countryman Lucan. But you may guess the Combatants by their metal, like Stags and stonehorses. For as on each side of an Istmos, by the iterated beat and rebeatings of the waters, the froth and Venus, the salt and spirituous bubbles (churned into a cream) are seen at top about the shore: So every where did appear upon this Pharsalian Camp, the drivelings of these embossed Rivals, who foamed like two chafed Boars, or blown Mastiffs, whose rage had curdled one another's chaps, that had they been milksops, they might have dined from one another's face, nor were their Horses in less Agony, and by excessive heats, continual evaporations, and sweats, they were laundred and laddered; had there been water by, as there was land enough, they might have very well served for the sport of the soaped Bull. It is great pity to leave two Knights tugging thus, like slaves at an oar, I will (with my Author's leave) make what haste I can for their redemption.  
The Author leaving no notice, where we might find the rest of the narration.] This a Spanish quirk, a maze of the Authors own making, as intricate as his brains, to puzzle and withhold the inflamed Reader, whom he would make believe, for the dignity and antiquity of his History, that it came from Arabian head and language, and was translated by an Hebraean; But I am clear of another opinion, though I like his invention well, and Facile est addere.  
And I shall put my conceit upon the judgement of the World, which of the two they think most probable. Therefore I conjecture that this story of Quixot, with many more eminent Opuscula of that nature, were all preserved in that famous and wonderful hollow tooth of Garagantua, from the eruptions of the Goths and Vandals, and the Barbarismes of the Ottoman cruelty: which said tooth, john Pontaeus, his Ter-quaterque retro-Tritavus descended into, by the assistance of a College of Physicians (for there was room enough) and Surgeons also, with all those huge engines, tooth-pick-axes, tooth-mattocks, and all manner of mouth-Pionery, provided for the scouring, cleansing, and purging of that stupendious concavity. In the rubbish of that vast Hiatus, were these two Volumes of the Don preserved safe and unperisht; which how they came thither, will be the hardest thing to make good: But it is of no such difficulty to salve the scruple. For that exceeding Giant being troubled with no small pain in his tooth, called the Hodontalgia, it caused such a vacuum in the place, that so much wind had gathered thither, as it was enough (as out of Aelus caverns) from thence at any time to have caused a tempest; wherefore from all places there were helps and counsels called, and when stopping of it was concluded upon, they thought not at the instant, with what to do it, (men's brains being not always ready for every punctilio) but then finding what an intolerable charge it would amount to in cotton-wool, Linen or Canvas, they thought it best, (and best cheap) to do it with waste paper, which was approved on, and the Giant willing to save his purse, condescended to it: So all the Pamphlets then extant, all Romancees, English, Spanish, French, and throughout the world were bought up, and amongst the rest, this of our Don, which being chiefly to be preserved, was laid next the root of his tooth, many piles of less worthy labours lying betwixt it and the casualties of the continual defluxions that fell upon the place. So have you him uncorrupt, and by the help of Rabelais sweet as a nut.  
Rescuing damsels with all their virginities at their backs.] This is virginity transplaced; but it is plain he means mothers, who had their little ones, as our Irish women use to go laden (who without all question were virgins) at their backs: Which calls to mind, a story of a Foot Knight-Errant of our Land, who was much given to take the pleasure of the Woods in the Summer time, and especially that time of it, when nuts are in season; into the thicket, where he was used to adventure, came a very fair Lady of goodly stature, rare and flowing hair, and of good carriage (for she had two barns bound fast to her:) the melancholy Knight viewing her, was amazed at her rich beauty and poor clothes, at her light ordering her pasterns, and heavy burden at her back, and calling the Lady to him, asked her, whence, and who she was, she told him, one whom misfortunes had sent into England for relief; yea said the gentleman, that thou shalt not want, and presently gave her a piece of money, the Lady bowed herself and her family to him, and as she was praying God to bless him, he desired her to spare that, and stay a little with him, and presently requested her to take the pleasure of the place, and she should have better chaffer than nuts; which the Lady apprehensive enough, was willing to entertain, but told him the disconvenience of obtaining his purpose, whilst those weights and impediments were tied to her, we will unloose them, said (Sir Solitary) nay said the Lady, but if they be unfastened, they will cry for meat, and laid aside without it, keep such a noise, that may call in spectators more than we desire. Come said (Sir Solitary) that all may be secure, fasten the barns to my back, and I shall be (as you shall order it) as good as a cradle to them. The Lady liked his pregnant fancy, and presently unwhitled, and swathed them to her Paramor, who was no sooner fast, but he was desirous to be loose, and when he prepared himself to beat the Tree, the Lady vanished with such speed, that he running (with weight) was not able to overtake his flying Daphne; and too far he durst not follow, for fear of discovery: now he tried to ease himself of his charge, but the cunning Lady had fastened the whittles so equally behind, that his hands could not reach the knots, and while they were in the amorous embraces, she withdrew with his money, all injurious weapons from him, so that his knife, which would have decided this Gordian knot, was stolen. The Gentleman reflected upon himself, and both sorry, and ashamed of the action, that he might take heed for the future, and satisfy for what was past, made haste toward night to his Town, accoutred as he was, and at a Tenant's house dismantles himself, telling her the story, and giving her charge to see the brats well brought up, which was a piece of gallant Foot-Errantry; and so what was intended Lechery, proved an act of excellent charity.  
This Dulcinea of Toboso, had the best hand for powdering of Pork in all the Mancha.] This is the first Character we have of the excellencies, which were in this Lady Dulcinea of Toboso. But why this should move a jew to laughter, I know not? rather it might have provoked him to have thrown away the book, for the jews abominate all swine's flesh, fresh or salted: which hatred against that foul beast, (besides the prohibition) was augmented from the Devil's choice, after his dispossessing, and changing his lodging into a heard of Swine. But that the Commendations of her hand, in that piece of huswifry, is not so ridiculous; I shall make it appear by two short stories in our own Country: where a Gentleman having invited (about the Lent-time) some friends to his house, his Lady provided such cheer as was seasonable, the Collops and Eggs, and as it fell out, (a Hogg being slain) she had a service of the puddings, which being deservedly commended by the guests; Nay, said the Gentleman, friends be it known to you, my wife is abomination good pudding-wife. Take unto this another of like brevity, of one, who being merry with some friends late at a Tavern in London, and (as after all mirth some qualms of repentance surprise us) he reflected upon his family in the Country, and pathetically laying his hand upon his breast, said, wicked wretch as I am, to be at such a late hour deboysing myself, when now at this sad time of night is my poor wife making Puddings and Candles.  
Quixot written by Cyde Hamere Benegeli.] I never read or heard of the man's name before, unless he were Nephew to Allo-hazen Hali-Ben-Hali-Ben-Ragan, who indeed was a grand Translator, and an Astronomer, and from that high study understood, what Country would produce the most eminent men for Chivalry, as well as other matters.  
There was painted in the first choir very naturally, the Battle betwixt the Don and the Biscaine, and the Mule and Rosinante.] The lively pourtraictures of the Biscayne's Mules and Rosinante, makes me condole the wa●t of those Artists in my Nation; especially since the loss of that famous Hyliard, made more famous by the Incomparable expression of the dead Author, 
— A hand, or eye,  
By Hyliard drawn, is worth a history,  
By a worse painter made—   
Such stuff is now (though we have those can do well yet) drawn, that it were a good piece of charity in the Painter (if he were skilled in pen as well as in pencil) to write over the piece, what it is, that the puz'led spectators might know, which was the Hare, which the Greyhound, which the Lion, which the Lamb, which the Eagle, which the Child. Rosinante was drawn so thin, that he was transparent, and the Mule, that one might swear he was hired. O for an Oxford tired hackney with a Freshman upon his back, to be thus drawn to the life.  
Yet in respect the Moor doth hate us so mortally.] Fratrum concordia rara. The Moors and Spaniards, (especially those of the Austrian family) are as like as an apple to an apple, an egg to an egg, an eye to an eye, a tooth to a tooth, or to come nearer, a lip to a lip; and for that reason, there may be some emulations, both striving, who should outlip the other. But the pretender to universal Monarchy, hath now the better on't, though the Moor may justly esteem himself of the more ancient house, being more sooty and smoky.  
Historiographers ought to be very true and unpassionate, etc.] Lipsius could have said no more to Tacitus, who both were better Politicians than Hi●●rians; for by interposing their own censures into the affairs they 〈◊〉 on, they showed indeed their Art, but not their faith: That brings into suspicion the truth of all the rest: better did Stow and Holingshead, wherein though there be many lies, (which they took upon relation to the times) yet they added never a wise word of their own. Here is a very good description of History, and whereas I presume to turn his prose into verse, so here I shall turn his English into Latin. Mater & nutrix veritatis est Historia, temporis Coaetanea, Repositorium & Bibliotheca actionum; Index & testis rerum praeteritarum, Futurarum Aruspex & Sibylla.  
The Trenchant swords of the two valorous, etc.] The Giants and the Gods for the time, were not so hot at it, as the Don and the Biscaine. Have ye ever seen two driving a Buck? that's something to it: two beating of Hemp, very like; but a brace of thresher's excellent, who falling out about the overlarge soup of the coley or Harvest-bottle, bestow upon themselves what was due to the sheaves.  
Who is he that can well describe the fury that entered into, etc.] Quae dixit & quae fecit? nay, what said he not? what did he not? He did not regard his own lost ear, but said, he would have two for one, he was always covetous, and given to extortion, for he vowed to have the head too, to which they were supporters. And being resolved for improvement, he enclosed his valour, which before lay in common field, and with united, hands, eyes, and all but ears, he let fly at the Biscaine, and with one blow, confounded and downe-daggered him, and as we say in our poor English Proverb, put him clean beside the Cushion. and there he lay Semi-mortuus, Sepulchrorum & manium Penincola. We had seen his head on a Spear (like the Boats before Guy of Warwick) had not the Ladies in the Hell Carts, screemed out for their Hector, and humbly begged (once on their knees) to save his life, who had served them on his, all his days, and nights too.    

CHAP. II.  
Our Dons in blood, and won't heed Sancho's rules,  
But rides about the field which is all gules  
From his ear stillant, swears they shall repent'um  
That drew that blood; and slights Album unguentum,  
Which Sancho stole from his ill favoured Mopse,  
Thinking it good for cuts, as 'twas for chaps  
In here o'er parched face. But the Squire was  
Unwilling that the Balm Fierebras  
Lay in his Master's head, which being so near,  
He hoped, in time would issue to his ear.  
But now he rages worse than any Caesar,  
When he beheld his broken Hemets vizard;  
The Biscaine he'll recall upon the place,  
(For troth he was ashamed to show his face)  
And had he kept his oath of Fasts, and Wakes,  
HE had Waked his last; but Sancho (wise) uptakes  
That matter, and finding his stomach high,  
Desires with bread and Cheese to pacify  
His great distemper, and by persuasion,  
Upon the Crust and Caus, he makes invasion.  

TEXT.  
SANCHO prayed with all his heart.] Somewhat of kin was Sancho to the Seamen, who seldom pray but in a Tempest, and the prayers much alike; Vt optatâ potiantur are●â: 
As sailors pray at Sea, to see the dry lands,  
So Sancho prays, that he may have his Island.   
These are not adventures of Lands, but of thwart.] The pitcher doth not go so often to the well, but sometimes it comes home broken. This Proverb, (if the Spaniard had understood it) would have suited very well with the Don, who very much at present ressembled the Hieroglyphic, having ears, Ana. It is the right discipline of Knight-Errantry, to be rudimented in losses at first, and to have the Tyrocinium somewhat tart. Those prove your surest veterani, and hardest Knights, who have smarted for their experience. The castigation of the lackeys, the unfavourable but auspicious hoist of the Windmills (for in the elevation he saw all the Castles he was to conquer, and Sancho's Island too) the earring of the Biscaine, (for it was more than admonition,) were the praeludiums and trials of his doughtiness: Ardua virtutis via.  
And whosoever is to make his way thorough quicksets, thorns, and briars, may very well lose an ear in the thicket.  
Don Quixot checked Rosinant, until Sancho did arrive.] Mark the great love betwixt Sancho and the Knight, and the two Brutes respectively. Much like that of pothooks and dripping pan, who once were at variance; the one was off the hooks, the other upon it was a drooping-pan; but at last by meditation of Andirons, parties of each side, they were reconciled, and in sign of everlasting amity, when pothooks looked down upon dripping-pan, than did dripping-pan look up upon pot-hooks. Even so and so the simile is quadrate, when Sancho's Ass brayed, than Rosinante neighed, when Sancho out-cried, than Don did not outride.  
It were not amiss to retire to some Church.] Ignavi semper specie pruden ●û ● admonent. Cowards are always great Politicians, and huge creators of dangers and safeties. Sancho is afraid of hues and cries, for the insultum fecit upon the Monks, and a clausum fregit it had liked to have been, if that the Pages had not come in before the Burglary, committed upon his treble locked purse. Two reasons yet Sancho had for this caution; security of person, and conveniency of revictualling, for the provisions were far spent, the wallet was empty, which made Ass and Man go sorrowfully: Sancho was short and thick, and being empty and lank, there were two wallets upon one beast: He (though others hate it) loved to make a cloak-bag of his belly, wherein he desired an day's provision at least before hand; for he did not use his wallets, emblematically one, and that the foremost, should hold others vices, and the hindmost his own. That diet was for envious folks (of which number he hated to be) because they were lean. He loved all religious houses, but especially the Monasteries, for that the Monks were very well spread men, not dwindlers, but of an ample size, having bodies capable for large undertake, and wherein the soul was not straightened, as in pinched and spiny carcases, where the received air being stifled and choked up into a narrow compass, causeth stinking breath, and many other aneusanses in the body natural, which he intended in his future Island (when he came to it) to prevent.  
I will deliver thee out of the hand of the Caldaeans, how much more from the holy Brotherhood.] This holy Brotherhood, were the Officers of the Dorps, as Constables, Tithing-men, Bailiffs, bum or shoulder-Marshals, and the like dreadful appearances, which make stop of suspicious persons, vagrants, under which Squire-Errants, if not Knights, might very well be comprehended; But that Knight-Errants are for the holy sisterhood, and fear no such bugbears. He that fears not the Caldaeans, scorns to come before the Constable, or his vigilant Capitolian Watchmen.  
O what a valdè vult, or rather a vult valdè  
Is here, that fears nor Constable nor Caldee.  
Prây use this lint, and a little unguentum album he hath in his wall●●.]  
Sancho had stolen his wives unguentum, wherewith she soldered up the chinks in her ruinous face; that poor woman, for want of it and the thief, will gape till his return, like the parched earth in a drought.  
A vial full of the Balsamum Fierebas.] Opobalsamum, I pray you, for a rarity of so transcendent operation! This was an imaginary Balsam, which was good for imaginary wounds. Phantastes being asked (in that learned play of Lingua) what a man thought of, when he thought of nothing, answered by present strength of imagination; he is thinking how to answer him, that asketh nothing; so for no wound, no Balsamum is best. This Opobalsamum, (as he would have it valued and esteemed) was near of affinity to the sympathetick powder, which hath done wonderful things. A strange but true story I shall tell you of the effects of some of it. A Lady fell asleep (as many do) with needles and pins in her mouth, which she unhappily swallowed: great care there was to preserve her; Physicians from the four corners are called, and a Regiment of Apothecaries & Surgeons; For her Knight terribly afriad of intestine turn-pikes, could not rest, till some remedy was found out. A council was had, and no conclusive result; at last a little Paracelsian Apothecary Clyster-high, advised to make a Clyster with three hundred ingredients, which you may read in the Pharmacopoea (translated or not translated) but the chief praedominator in the business, was to be two grains of pulvis magneticus, powder of Loadstone, which having the Misceatur and Condiatur by direction, was administered unto the Lady by the Pigmy Minos (dressed up like a Gentilewoman) for more modestyes sake, which wrought so appositely and sympathetically, that the occult qualities of the Loadstone, presently exerted and shot out their virtues through the body of the patient so vigorously, that at last they fastened upon the needle, which was attracted with a powder, the other impulsives helping to the qua data porta, and in such an instant of time, that little Minos could recover himself from the storm of her Ladyship's Posternegate, which streamed and issued so furiously, that my Apothecary's face was stuck like a pinne-cushion, and the needle stuck, was in his nose clear and untainted, with the many Meanders that it had passed thorough. The Apothecary was carried forth to the Doctors and his fellow Artists, who wrote probatum to the Clyster, and for the mishap, no other of the function was to d●●e it but himself, the Surgeons as their office is at Anatomies (cleanly dressed) made his face clean, and the Knight gave him Pulvus auratus for his sympatheticus: And so all parties were very well pleased.  
Give me but a draught of the Opobalsamum, and I shall, though cleft in twain, be sounder than an apple.] All the Art is in the cleanly conjunction of the disunited parts again; for if there should be solutio continui, but for a minute's time, and 'twere a head of Gold 'twere lost; for experience, you have seen a Calf's head cleft by a Butcher at a stroke, and immediately (ictu oculi as they say) clap together again by the benefit of a fine white thread, which must be ever near (for it is the thread of life) future's like Portculliss, or a pair of shuts, strike one into another; but as I said, if an ear from that head be separated, as it befell the Don, not Fierebras, nor Paracelsus himself, nor Bacon's head of brass can cure it.  
With less than three Rials you may make three gallons of it.] With as little cost as he that found out the Philosopher's Stone at first, and best (because best cheap, but these Lapides are not for Ladies) even with what think you? with the white of an egg whereunto the cock tread is joined, which without doubt hath a villainous contagium upon the grand magisterium of the Stone. Since Coals have been so dear, few do adventure at this great work. But that this opinion may find its a betters is very probable, for all things are now discovered to proceed askew (the round world and all) Ladies are with egg, not with child, happily so by their cackling, I wonder they don't lay before they sit, and make up their la'ter as they say in the Country; To hear a woman cluck were pretty. But to our Balsam, the poor is more becoming a Mountebank, than a Knight-Errant. john Pontaeus talks of dollars, and takes sixpence.  
He swore to lead a life lke to the marquis of Mantua.] Proh Jupiter inquit!  
What, is my trusty Helmets vizard broke in pieces?  
Lend me his oath, of Mantua who marquis is;  
I will not eat on cloth, I mean on Ta●le clothes,  
(For as Dulcinea, so her Don clean Nappery loathes:)  
I will no Tournament of flesh, though my Dull-  
Longed as they say, and I of lofty thoughts were full;  
I will not see the Mancha honoured by my birth,  
Nor will I tread (though a Knight-Errant) much more earth,  
Until there unpared ails, there sharp and tearing tweesers  
I fasten on his face, that broke my Helmets vizard.  
Thou has spoken right and well, and therefore I disannul the oath, but I confirm it again as to the Helmet.] Sancho keeps his Master very just, a Turk if he lay his hand upon his head, will never deceive you, nor a Jew, if he pat it on your thigh; the Knight-Errant, if he lift upon his eyes and hands to Heaven, cannot be realsed of the engagement, unless the matter itself be null, as if he should have sworn to maintain Dulcinea's virgin-honour against all Knights, and she should, unknown to him, though not to others (as they use in Scotland) have vent'red only a trial of her potentiality to procreation, and had the scruple of her mind satisfied with a brace of barns at once. In such a case (as the Casuists says well,) juramentum est irritum, or (as Doctor Cuthbert hath it in his notes upon Balus,) Irritum est juramentum. But the Knight was here Errand in his rage, and forgot that the Biscaine was a military Trophy, and Marshal Donative sent upon Par●le to Dulcinea of Toboso; Whereupon, the oath fell of itself, as to the vindicative part, ' marry for the selfdenying part, which was a voluntary and Sacramental Renunciation of clean linen at Bed or Board, it was to be kept, unless he purchased a dispensation from Rome. But I never heard that he wandered so far out of the way, but inviolably kept of much of it as concerned his sheets and shirts, as the Arch-Dutchesse of Austria, at the siege of Ostend for her smock.  
Knight-Errants, if they perchance eat, they eat only what is next to hand.] Venture caret auribus, is that true? then our Don wanted three. The onion though it be nought for the eyes, it could not hurt his left ear, strong smells being no annoyances to the sense of hearing; yet why may not the sense make bold with one another objects? you have heard it commonly spoken, I have smelled out his meaning, I smell what you would have, or what you are doing, (that is more properly indeed at some time) let m● see what you can say; so for hearing, as an ill air is smelled, so it may be heard, or understood, or felt. But the sense of tasting is most made use of at present, (which being very nearly related to that of touching:) the Don a natural Philosopher (if ever any) would not suffer the objects (though they were very hard, and which is desructive to the Organs) to be at any competent distance or medium from his teeth, which encountered a Giant called Crustbread, (a hardy whoreson) the Cheese also was another Giant, an Argus (but an old one) with an hundred eyes, as many as you shall see in a vault, and the matters as rocky, which this Cutis never left, as long as he saw one.  
The chief sustenance were some Herbs they found about the fields.] Sancho was a very Ingrum as they call him, he could neither write nor read, a very beast, and fit for nothing but to pick salads, which being the chief food (as the only parabile) wherewith the nature of our Knight-Errant was contented; What could you expect but faint performances from grass diet, or such as his last was, gross fare? Had such a Knight lived in our Horizon, and led so valiant and so frugal a life, he had been dubbed brother with john a Green; or had the times of old been worthy of him, he had been the only companion for Nebuchadonozor, when he was changed into a Beast. But we must leave him sub dio, whether a sleep or at supper all's one, the earth is bed and board to him.  
Sleep pair of souls, than whom none worthier lie  
Under the blue, and the dew-dropping Canopy.    

CHAP. III.  
Their Fare is mended, and now Sancho's Ass  
And Rosinante pick, salads on the grass.  
Our Errants are invited, and this night  
Is merrily passed away without a fight;  
Yet to the pot poor Sancho went; ne'er fear,  
'Twas tothth' pot only (where the Goats boiled were.)  
The Don doth drench his over-dryed Mustachios  
Once in good Wine, out of the herds Borachios;  
Good wine, as it with several spirit meets,  
So do it spirits work; it raises feats  
And golden fancies in DON QUIXOT'S head,  
Whilst heavy Sancho's fit for nought bulbed.  
The snorting Carl doth sleep out all along  
The Don's Oration, and the Goatheards' song.  

TEXT.  
SANCHO presently repaired to the smell of certain pieces of wild Goat's flesh.] Here is Aesop's Fable of the two Hounds, moralised in the Squire and the Don. Hound Sancho was for the Kettle, Hound Quixot for the Field, Orations, or Music; but Sancho as he had a tun belly by nature given him, so he was very much given to the belly, which being of that measure, was not easily filled. Such a servant was never advised to his Master by Marriot. But although the Don could have been contented with the fresh services of Madam Aura, for which he opened as constantly, as an Oyster against tide; Yet the Knights of the Mountains obtained this favour of their younger brother of the Hills and Dales, that he would vouchsafe his company to such cheer as they had; which Goat-provision were most agreeable with their Errand bodies, which were always saltitant, passant or currant, sometime volant, sometimes after a Windmill, or so, couchant. Omne simile nutritur à simili, which is the reason that swine's flesh, (which most inwardly of all creatures resembles his master) is so nutritive and apposite, unless to old Jewry men, or Scots. I believe Sancho and his Master, fed most upon Goat's countenance, the head boiled in hair, being as rare and choice meat, as Lamb's head in the wool; very good diet, and the most successful for any that are troubled with a desperatio Barbae, beyond your unguents, or whatsoever else is given to dilate the pores of the place: 'Tis true, 'tis somewhat rough at going down and untoothsome, but I told you before, it is not for the teeth or palate, but the chin, though a palate of Mo-haire is very good lodging (I take it;) now you know the attractive faculty is implanted in every part, add every part draws, and every part, (as the learned say) agglutinates, and assimilates, and then the work of nature is done, so that the chin, the cheeks, the boscos, and suboscos (I mean,) the dulapes and the jawy part of the face, know what they have to do, and what thatch is best for that place: And it is very well known, that ever after this entertainment, and the next day, Sancho's face mossed, and his chin had a down sprung out, substantial enough to grate a nutmeg. The Don had a Philosopher's Aspect, with an●oblong handle, Mustachios circular, which were a great grace to his countenance Marshal. Sancho was a most gross feeder, and you might smell much of his dyet, evaporated from under his Arm pits, which reaked upon motion like a lime-kill, and by this diet, gave a stronger Hogo.  
And spreading certain sheepskins.] Those sheepskin cover without infringement of his oath, the Don might endure at his table; it was agreeable with the chief head at board, and the bottom of the trough was suitable to a knight in penance, and in pilgrimage for a new Helmet; the horn cup, if it had been large enough, would very well have supplied the defect, and became the Don better than the cushion did the Biscaine.  
The same is said of Chivalry that is said of Love, that it makes all equal. Love and danger are very glutinous, and of a sodering and associating nature; if two love one another, it is very probable they will lie together; and so for quarrelling, if two fall out, they will presently fall in, and together by the ears; Contrariorum eadem est Ratio. So here, extreme love of Sancho's person made his sides-man with his Master, love is a leveller, for laugh (which is a but a variation for love) and lie down, and Chivalry does so too, lay all before it.  
I do here renounce from this time to the world's end.] It was not modesty in this duck-legs, that made him refuse the Table-fellowship with his Master, but only fear of starving. For the Knight was but a small feeder, and Sancho durst not gourmandise, and guttle and guzzle too (for he would do both) under his Master's nose, as he used to do at the side Table or the Cupboard. It is a good house-policy, and piece of great frugality, that a whole family should set all in common together (according to the Proverb, 'tis merry when beards wag all;) the Master and men, Dame and damsels all together, (these cannot be so merry) whereby much, that by licentious feeding, would be wasted is saved, beside, orderly eating makes no mammocks, nor scraps for the Almsbasket. It is impossible to cure servants of the wolf or dog in the stomach, without they be said under the Mistresses eye; and on the other side, I do admire how Ladies gentilewomen and themselves too, make a shift to look so plump and fai●e, with those slender pittances, which they eat at their Tables, where I am sure they abstain not out of an intention to save their meat, but from constancy in the sobriety. I will not censure the reason of the temperance, nor impute it to the Culliss eaten before dinner, or the sweatmeats after, but leave them to their own ways and customs, knowing full well, that they were old enough to fill their own bellies; with what? let it be left to their Ladyships good liking for me.  
Tossed in with their fists whole slices.] If any man hath a desire to learn how to choke himself, let him look upon Sancho and these commoners, or cormorants shall I call them? with whom a piece of Goat's leg goes as nimbly down, as it ever alive went up the crag; they do as an exact trencher-Squire did with a Capon's leg, draw him at one pass through the teeth, as empty as you would do a boiled peasecod. For handsomeness of feeding, use of Napkins, and compliment, they had been very well all trained up in Grobians school, where they learned every punctilio of abominably nasty and gross feeding, which would make a man loath any meat that should be eaten by such swine; 
His non invideas porcorum a●●●nge palatum.  
Their palates all alike, it had been rare,  
If with the hogs, alike had been the fare.   
He took a handful of Acorns, and beholding them earnestly, he began this discourse.] This Oration of the Dons, is much aloke to the description of Ovid's golden age, which being excellent well rendered by the golden Sands, I shall not render it in such meeter, but in a suit agreeable to this subject.  

The Oration of DON QVIXOT.  
Happy that Age, which called was the golden,  
Not because gold (which doth so much embolden  
Men in this Iron age) was plenty store,  
Alas (good men) they had nor coin, nor ●ar;  
But because all things were in common to 'em,  
And those two filthy words, meum and tuum,  
Were not i'th' World, but each man's heart and ●ouse  
Were open, they kept gen'ral randevouze.  
A man might dine, (like Sancho) fill his guts  
For enough with Acorns, or with unsavoury Nuts;  
And for his drink (for Nuts are somewhat dry,)  
The silver liquor did run bubbling by,  
Which out of hand they drank; for cups and dishes  
Were not in use, by word of mouth, like fishes,  
They drank and drank, and ne'er could drink 〈◊〉 up;  
Nor was it vile to slabber in the cup.  
In clefts of rocks, and ancient hollow trees,  
The Commonwealth or Monarchy of Bees  
Did hive, and left to men the fragrant vales,  
Carrying no sting, but honey in their tails:  
Vulcan was then no God, for then no steel,  
But only cork, was fastened to horse heels,  
Which made Light-horses all, but not for fights,  
But Hide-park-races, and such free delights.  
Children they might at pleasure get enough,  
(But not as in the song) by going to plough  
No hobb'nall whistled to the Teem, the ground  
Gave freely all her grains, without a wound;  
And all those fragrancies she kind disposes,  
Which now we buy of gardener's for our noses.  
Then went from hills to dales the Shepherdesses;  
(Save of their hair) without all curious dresses,  
Their hair in ringlets, which they sometime twine,  
(Their beauteous skins as through a lattice shine)  
And sometimes flowing from the top tothth' toe,  
You could discern nothing but hair to go,  
Only some slender, but sufficient cover  
Lay o'er the Entry, which they call the Lover.  
The silkworm was not then put hard to work,  
Nor fed to clothe the Minions of the Turk:  
Ivy was all their clothing, and good souls,  
Though they were simple, yet they were no Owls,  
But deemed themselves as gallant in green Bur-docks,  
As they which clad in silk their stale Sea-vernocks.  
No art of words, no lisping, fraud, nor doubling  
Of minds, or chins, not gaggling like Geese stubble-in;  
But if they loved they loved, pure down right they,  
Not having learned th' Hypocrisy of Nay.  
justice was blind indeed (as true as steel)  
As she saw not the person, she'd not feel  
Whom to befriend, and as the weight o'th' fee  
Poised her, do either right or injury;  
It was before the days o'th' dreadful budge,  
There was none guilty, and there was no judge:  
Young men and maidensmet, and so returned,  
Lust was not kindled then, which since hath burned;  
No damsel can escape, though she be shut,  
As Rosamond the fair was in a hut;  
Nay, were there now a Labyrinth this day,  
If money can't, Love will find out the way.  
Corruptions thus increasing, bribes and rapes  
(To such a height, that scarce a Lady 'scapes,)  
An order was invented, as you see,  
Valiant and chaste, of bold Knight-Errantry;  
Whose offic● 'tis to vindicate all Ladies,  
(Which by constraint have teemed with pretly babies)  
And all such widows, whom miscarriage  
Hath poisoned, 'fore their second marriage:  
They must all Orphan's help, whose cunning mothers,  
Knew the right father, not the b●rn to smother.  
These when their mother die, being fatherless,  
From their reputed ones they must redress,  
And of this noble order is your guest; that's I  
Whom you have feasted, with Goat's flesh full high,  
For which, and for you Acorns as it due is,  
I give you thanks, as had been Beef an bruesse;  
And though the meat was due, as I'm a Knight,  
I tak●'t more kind than if I paid for it.   
Here the Goatheard ended his ditty.] This entertainment was Princelike; meat, wine, and songs, it wanted only wenches, and as they in France, it had been cheer entire. I wonder the Don offered not a madrigal of his own, but indeed, his Oration did supererogate, and no doubt but that Dulman Sancho was so heavy, it might have been obtained.  Faecundi calices, quem non fecere disertum? 
'Tis easily answered, not such a clod as Sancho, or the Goatheards, whose dull and unactive clay, no Fragrantia frigida frisca can elevate of firk up into any spark of fancy. Wine is drowned in their bottoms, and only happy when they spring aleak. But clods as they are, to their mother's lap, with them the earth, where they need not fear falling, but may lie secure without bedstaffs.  
Qui jacet in terrâ, non habet unde codat.  
Whose pallet is the very ground,  
Sleeps sure from falls, if he sleep sound.    

CHAP. IU.  
But here we are diverted, and your eyes  
Awhile are heated with sad Tragedies;  
The death of chrysostom, who lost his life  
For coy Marcela, who would not bee's wife.  
O that a Scholar and Astronomer,  
Should for a placket knack so foully err!  
Run melancholy, mad, mopish, and cry  
Old fool like a young child again! and die;  
And for an apple, in Marcela's eyes,  
And for the Cherries, and the Strawberries  
In her fair Cheeks and Lips; and for the snow,  
The warm snowballs, that lay her neck below;  
And for a thousand knackeries, yet lower,  
For which he many day, full hard did we her.  
But nothing would prevail, so the old D●tard  
Kicks up his heels, as Peter told the Goatheard.  

TEXT.  
THat chrysostom died for love of the devilish lass Marcela.] hay ho! for a wife say some, and hay ho, with a wife say others. Birds in the cage would fain get out, and those that are out would willingly be in. How is it, that no man likes his present condition? Old Father chrysostom, would make young Marcela Mother chrysostom, and young Marcela she loves no fits of the mother; a cross grained slut, and loved courting, but not lying; servants, but no subjection. Well would she have liked a homage of a whole day done her with a bare head, and threadbare flatteries, besides favours and sillibubs, and for all this, think much to let her hand be kissed by the Idolatrous lips of her languishing Paramour. Nothing will surfeit one sooner than such fits, and pan-pudding, there may be some raising in these, but no reason for the other.  
Leave off fond Lover, never die at her feet,  
Love and Pease-pottage, are a dangerous surfeit.  
chrysostom was skilful in Astronomy.] He should have taught her some of his Astrological postures, and it had been a done business: But where were his brains that he never cast her, nor her nativity? Could not he read in those bright Characters, what would be the event of his own suit? What happy conjunctions were at her nativity? whether Venus were cross legged, or Saturn costive, or Mars melancholy, (as he is always after a conjunction with Venus,) or Mercury honest, and then you shall never steal a maid, especially if Luna be in the Wane, or picked, and then it blows no body good? Or whether jupiter was not jovial, or Sol in his Mubblefubbles? that is, long clouded, or in a total Eclipse, then little work for Mother midnight, for Sol & homo generant hominem, though men go to work after Sun sets. This old fellow had not the Hocas Pocas of Astrology, he could not shuffle the Ephemerideses nimbly, and make the stars move with a Palabras or a Falathra, according to the wishes of th● ingorant enquirers. Our figure-flingers went beyond him far; they deal with the Chambermaids to Ladies first, and (more like suitors than wizards) learn of them what the stars shall prognostic: Abigal discovers whom her Mistress dreams of, and then this Albumazar will tell her it waking at what rate he pleases: Or if this take not, peremptorily conclude the Lady doomed, destined, and star-assigned to one, who at such a time, in such a place, with such a shape, in such a suit of clothes shall be walking, (and all that laid before by the gentleman, who bribed his mercenary tongue to the description) and this shall pass for irresistible Fate, and the wedding instantly dispatched, for it was signed in Heaven, and they will seal it on earth.  
He saw her first at the foot of a rock, where the Fountain stands of the Cork-tree.] Many take great Omens from the place where they first saw their Mistresses; this fellow's first view was from a Cork-Tree Fountain, ever since she made water in his mouth, but it was unfortunate; first, because there was a Rock, which was the emblem of her hard heart; then a Cork Tree, which is the emblem of levity, inconstancy, volubility, and hupernatability; then at a Fountain, which will never stand still, but is always running, and so nothing can be done. It had been far better, (if fortune had owed him so much good luck) to have seen her rising from gathering of a Rose, or in the very cropping a flowers, or collection of a whole posy. Besides that the proverb (especially that which plainly, and not parabolically lays down the beginning of Love) made for him, it must needs have proved auspicious, for in progress of a small time, it must have come to a wedding. Others have had their first views in a Church, others at a puppet play, at dancing of the ropes, some at Green goose Fair, many upon May day in the morning, which being heretofore sacred to Flor●● (who was a sweet minion I can tell you) in pursuance of her ceremonies, have had a green gown, which hath brought things in its due time, out of the parsley bed; of him that had the view of the Temple, (for I cannot ensample you in all) take this small account. The Amoretto was wont to take his stand at one place about the pew, where sat his Mistress, who was a very attentive hearer of the man above her, and the suitor was as diligent an eyer of her, for having a book, and black-lead pen always in his hand, (as if he took notes of the sermon) at last he got her exact picture. The Lady observing his constant zeal, and quotidian pains (for she imagined that he wrote shorthand) could not withstand the pious Rhetoric of his eye, by which fascination he first transmitted the venomous qualities of his warm affections; then finding some gracious returns of her bright luminaries, and favourable aspects, he gazed so long sometimes, that he forgot his Table, till eye checked to his duty, he scribbled not a word of what was spoken. In process of time, he came to nearer Colloquies, and they spoke as others do by their lips, whereby the Impulses of his desires were so strong, that she submitted herself to this religious servant, who, (after taking possession of her ensuring office) told her the notes he took, and showed her the fairest lines, that ever were drawn in short hand; the Lady seeing her face so well done, chid him for his hypocrisy, and bid him abuse that place no more, but charged him to work on where he was, until he copied out one like them both.  
Sow Barley this year, and no Wheat.] Country people are abomination superstitiously given to credit such kind of Artists. A seasonable Almanac gains more reputation than the King of Spain's Bible with all his languages, or the King of France, with more than his, or our late English translation, with more then both. If the Calendar say fair, wet, windy, indifferent, or mixed of both, they will quarrel with the stars, if they make ●or good what Lily said, though in the point of the Eclipse, they think him a little contoxicated (as they say.) He that made the day, is not once thought on, unless he agree with the book, which is adored, if it prognostic a good seeds-time, and Harvest-time, and those years most joyful, where our Lady's day (being Rent-day) falls out late, when the Lady lies in the Lord's lap; 2d for such an Almanac. It is ordinary in the Meridian of London, for the wenches at an Easter to refuse the Communion, unless the Apprentices assure them a fair day to air their Festival clothes at Is●ington, Hogs-Town, or Tottenham high cross.  
He appeared one day apparelled like a Shepherd.] Our student hath changed his coat, he is of a black, become a grey Friar. O Love, what a pudde● hast thou made in this world below? yea, and in that above too? if we will believe the stories of jupiters' shapes and escapes, his cleanly conveyance of himself, into the shape of Amphitruo, and thereby into Alcumena, was very neat, and of all his Metamorphoses, the most probable, that of the Bull, Swan, and Ram, are beastly lies; But for a Lady to be surprised (with I pray jove, it be john) makes her in the very fact a Lucreece, a Goddess of chastity, while Amphitruo is made a jupiter and takes one of his principal attributes, even Capitolinus, which when he is so worshipped he wears horns, which signify not (as we vulgarly imagine knavishly) but according to the Hebrew signification, light, shining, glorious or transparent. This whining passion of Shepherds was very ancient among the Arcadians, who were the first pipers that we read of, but they made their nymphs dance after their music, two or three to a flute; for the first age was Polygamous, they were stout lads, and more than Cock-a-twos. I wonder how the Don missed this praise of the golden Age in his Oration; I fear I shall find him a Castrill or a Pigill, like old Chrysoftome, or else thus transformed, he would have had her by hook or by crook.  
He made the Carols for Christmas day at night.] As good songs, no doubt, as our Wassallers, or the Whitney singers tone upon those ancient Festivals. His fancy sure could not be very high, where the subject and reward was but a spice boul; but it took excellently, and that's enough, Don could do no more, and he that wrote in contempt of minor Poets thus, in that Elegy, 
— You might safely swear,  
This verse they wrote in wine, and this in here.   
Very critically observed; and yet to see the fate of the times, some like him, and some do not, some cry hay for Garzinton, and some cry, hay for H●rs●path. Even as they like, ' quoth the good fellow when he kissed his Cow.  
The Villagers could not guess the cause of the two Students wonderful change.] I can tell you of a stranger Metamorphosis, and of a Knight and an old one, (who by his years was fitter for the grave than a Lady) Who notwithstanding the silver Items on each side his face, and argont pendents of his chin, was resolved to stumble in at the Lover hole, before he fell into the pit, and so passionately pursued his affection, (Hercules was not more effeminate, when he turned Spinster to Cousin Omphale) that he shifted his Veluot Trunks, which was his customary wearing, and habited A-la-mode in the long slops, became a Monsieur of St Thomas Gresham, O strange Exchange● Then he cut off his reverend beard (which on Cato's face would have countenanced a rattle) and smoothed his cheeks, (which ●he wind in fifty years had never kissed) and with a black-lead comb, changed the colour of those hairs which were then Senatorian, and like a silver snow had covered the reverend house ten years beyond the Clymaterical; his close shoes altered into pumps, and he that could scarce go without a staff, will now dance out of measure. He is turned Masker, Actor, and Author of a play, composed of Love, and at once personates himself, and is in act, Representative, Type and Antitype altogether: And all this like our Chr●sostome, to win the affection of a most delicate Lady, who to he● beauty had wit also, and knew that a gentleman of four and twenty, was better company than old Aeson.  
He had a face looked like a blessing.] The context or words before will be comment to these; for a word or two backward, you shall find him ennobled for a good fellow, thence you guess, in what degree of beatitude his face was, an illustrious face, a glorious face, a bony face; or if you will have names more known and to the life, a Robin Good-fellows face, a Bardolphs, a Furnifals Inn face, or a Bradwels face, which was the blesseddest that ever I saw, wherein there was not room for another blesssing, if you would have studied it. Our Hosts faces (if they have not the thorough blessing) yet their Noses commonly are in the Zenith, and as torrid as if they lay parched under the Sun, when he enters into Cancer. Dangerous faces, to come near a Magazine, and as comfortable and refreshing in a frosty morning, they smell well, (as the English proverb hath it) such a Nose is worth a double tossed in a pot of Ale, and will make it whisse as well as a hot steel. It hath other uses too, and very serviceable ones. It was ones fortune to prescribe a direction to a friend, (who was too impatient to follow it, being choleric of constitution, and blessed in that part,) and it was concerning the fetching out a spot of grease from a suit, which the party imagined, should have been effected by brown paper and a coal, but the adviser said, with no coal (friend) only a brown paper indeed, which being applied to the middle part of his arm, on whom the mischance of Tallow fell, the patient, so I call him, though he proved otherwise, asked, and what now? e'en lay your Nose close to it, (said the Empiric) and it shall take it forth sooner than the best coal that comes from Newcastle. But the blade was Sir john Oldcastle, Duke Humphrey never raged so, and made after the Empiric, whom if he had reached, he would have given him a fee for his Counsel, as good as he could have told with his ten ends of his toes. Thus you see that all blessed Faces are not charitable, for who, (but one that will carry no coals) would have rewarded a friend thus for his opinion, only in Face-hot presses.  
Her Face had on the one side the Sun, and the other side the Moon.] I see Peter is no kin to him that keeps the Keys where these Stars shine; what a heavenly wide face was this? wherein the Sun and Moon must necessarily be ever in Eclipse one to the other, the interposition of the Nose being but small, and not casting shadow enough for a dial, the Stars no doubt were like beauty specks all her body over, and from her breasts downward, those infinite company of little Luminaries made a milky way, whither we must refer the man, (usually in the concave of the Moon) but now somewhat eccentrick; for it would have spoilt the Moony side of her face, to have had the pourtraicture of a man there. Beside the spoiling or crossing of the proverb, for the woman died in childbed; but what of that? Sol & homo (as is aforesaid) generant hominem, as was here done; homo being Latin for Man or Woman, which at this time was born. But if the Man should have been in the Moon, it might have been Luna & homo generant, and it had been enough to have set the Sun and the Moon, and the Man in the Moon together by the ears, with old William the Man of the house, about the Legitimacy of Marcela, which was the right Father; but they both died, and she first, (as being the weaker) went to the old hole, and old William stayed not long after, and indeed, according to Peter's relation, I wonder the World did not end with her; for no doubt, but the Sun and Moon were both extinguished at her death, and that is an absolute sign of the dissolution of the whole World.  
Her Uncle was willing to marry her, as soon as she was of age, but not against her good will.] Marcelas' parents dead, (old William and his Astronomia,) the Priest her Uncle was made Guardian of this falling Star, which at her Mother's departure to her fellow bodies in the firmament, dropped by the way. The chief care for such a charge, the Priest presently pitched upon, advisedly, providently, and pater-familiarly. It is a great improvidence in Parents to let their daughters stay upon their hands like overblown roses, till they become contemptible. A seasonable application, and timely looking forth is best (saith he of Banbury) in his Bride-bush, which to tha● purpose is very good, if a thorn or two were plucked our of it: For as it is very good to provide, that the children's, (I mean the young wenches) t●eth should not be set on edge, so it is too severe, if for a small fault, as the plucking of a crab, (for the sauce of such folly is always verjuice) you make them taste of the Body of the Tree. A short, but apposite tale I shall tell you, and conducing much to the note; There was a Gentleman, who was very discreet, and searching into the natures and dispositions of his family, and finding amongst his Philoclea's and Pamela's (his daughters, for their beauty some, and some from gravity might not be denied these names) that one, and one of the least and youngest was ripest, and more requiring then the rest; Husbandically provided first, that wanted first, forthwith got a Principiis obsta, as they call it in Physic, or an Intus existens prohibet alienum. The Virgin overjoyed, that her good hour was come, could not contain, and be content, that the servants should invite the guests, but herself would needs speak to some of especial familiarity with her, unwilling any should forestall the news to those, whom she wished in the same happy condition with herself; which when she had done to her play fellows, (for she was not well weaned from that society) they wondered and said, (good Lady!) Mrs Abigail, I pray how is it, that you are so forward, and leap over your sister's heads: We should never have believed it, but from your own sweet lips. Truly (said she) simpering, and with her hankerchiefe at her mouth, it were presumptuously done, but that my Father, who knows me of an egg, gave very good reason for it, for he said, (I know not what he meant by it) that some eggs would hatch in an Oven, and that in hot weather, things won't keep without salt.  
Parents are not to bestow their children's where they bear no liking.] To whom it concerns this. The worldly Parents of these days, are rather hucksters than Parents, and make markets of their children, Aquantum dabis, upon their heads, putting them off to him that will give most, without respect of years, or compliance in affection. So the Lands be coupled, the estates joined, the parchments sealed, 'tis no matter whether the two parties come in any other sheets. Like Sampsons' Foxes, they meet, if ever, with sirebrands in their tails, and burn up all that Patrimony (or Matrimony, say you which) that was so unhappily laid together: Matches made in the minority of both parties, are like those in a tinder box, for a short flame, not durable love, and go out as soon. The Male commonly, is sent to travel half a dozen years, to know what to do against he returns, and in the mean time (scholars in that school, take too much, and turn over too many lessons;) he learns more than doth him good: Sometimes (like an unfortunate Merchant) he brings home less than he carried out, and if he dare examine his Cocquets, he finds himself a shrewd loser. Miserable must needs be the condition of two so joined, especially, if the Female have made experience, or was told by her Aunt or Grandmother, what income he might have made in his travels. As unfortunate it is, when fifteen joines to seventy, there's old doings (as they say) the Man and Wife sitting together like january and May day, his Nose with Icicles dangling, and her breasts as fireballs, beating with a vigorous spirit, and never leaves the trepidations, till she hath got a Pericardiall Iulip, which she loves at her heart.  
She cast her suitors from her, as with a sling.] Marcela was not like her in the Eclogues, 
Quae fugit ad salices, sed se cup it ante videri,  
Who runs into a bush her head to hide,  
But glad with all her heart she was espied.   
She was a sullen Shepherdess, and meant to keep her virginity, till it was impregnable for aught she knew; for if it be fortified, or rather fiftyfied, 'tis as hard work, as the siege at Ostend; let it alone for me.  
There is not one of the Beech Trees, in which Marcela's name is not engraven.] Of these kind of Love-knots, the Arcadia is full, as Hyde-park which will not be so full, as heretofore; therefore happy those Ladies, whose names are to be seen. As they would wish themselves in the bark-green, before that it was enclosed, for it was impaled before, and a price set of six pence a man, twelve pence a coach; I believe it is the best penny worth this day in the world, if there were but one season all the year, and that the Spring, But if you ever come to these Beech Trees, you shall find excellently well cut by his own hand, as the Monument of his true Love, and her cruelty: This insculpture of our unfortunate Lover in Capital Letters.  CHRYSO— MARTINO and STOME— CELA. 
Sancho did lay himself betwixt Rosinante and his Ass.] Sancho slept most of his story, only waked when the Goat-ticks stung him, for flea-bite would not move him. But for the sight of a lodging, no man ever came near him, he provided against all winds, for he lay reversed with his head to the beasts tails, so that when he turned North, he had the warm blasts of Rosinante, and on the South, the Fuzzing of his own Asinego, betwixt which two natural stoves (besides the unctuous Lard wherein he battened) he slept as profoundly, roundly, and sound, as if he had lain by the gentle, and sleep-moving murmurs, and ratlings of the silver currents, and the sweet and refreshing gales of Zephir, fanning his fool's face.    

CHAP. V.  
Fie, what a pudder's here! A man, no place  
Will serve, but that where he saw his Love's face,  
There he will lay his bones; e'en at the rock,  
Where first he saw Marcela's hem ' o'th' smock;  
Actaeon like, the fool was peeping then,  
When Women can't endure the sight of men.  
I●st as if one a Lady bright should seize,  
In that strange moment, when she●'s killing fleas;  
Yet like Actaeon he would said have borne,  
Rathor then lost her, the fair sprouting horn.  
The Nymph comes to the Funeral, and makes  
A set Oration, which Don Quixot takes  
Not by the ears, and yet it wrought so much,  
That he the Lady saire doth stout avouch,  
And justifies her Nay to all fond wooers;  
What will they have her, soon as they come to her?  
So●● Fire will make good Malt; she will do so,  
Let 'em expect: what? a word and a blow?  
Don Quixot, though Knight-Errant, thought not sit,  
Though she did want a man, to enter it.  

TEXT.  
THey saw six Shepherds more coming towards them in black skins.] 'Tis strange the Don did not think of accoutring himself according to the equipage, a sackcloth, or black Goat skin, would have made him a complete mourner. But it seems it was repugnant to the order of Knight-Errantry, which does appear Az●●e and Sa●les, black and blue, or else in no colours; yet he might be no unbecoming person there, for the Knight was a very dolorous object upon one side, (you know how pitifully a lugged sow looks) and therefore being a very lamentable spectacle himself, and a most pitiful spectator, you cannot without manifest injury to his passion, deny him to be a man of as much sorrow, (and a close mourner too) as any in the company.  
This discourse thus ended, another began.] In vivaldo, you have pourtraicted unto you, the ●orme of a wife Traveller, who studies men more than places, and rides his company more than the way. He is like the winged Peregrine, the Bee, who sucks from every flower something, till she hath filled her sweet bag, and laden her slender thighs with gummy balm, that her oars and sails can hardly bear her up; when with her he comes to hive, at night he stores up his day's gatherings, and what is worth his observation, goes into his cereous Tables, and what is not, pasles away at supper for Tabletalk.  
Since which time, never any Englishman killed a Cro●.] The Metamorphosis, translation, or rather tranation of Arthur into a Crow, is not a Since in our Ephemerideses or Almanac; how it scaped 〈◊〉 I know not, unless because he is wait, and the other black. But 〈…〉 well 〈◊〉 Spaniard, we will grant that we kill n● Crows to ea●, but to ●right themselves and Kit●s from our fields, and such ravenous by'r ●s from our gardens, we do; 
Barbarus has segetes & culta Novalia 〈◊〉;  
Do●'● you Remember (Mcors ●ace) Tilbu●y?  
I do believe we plucked a crow with ye.   
Or if you deny it, I am sure we slew abundance of Rooks, (which were birds of a feather:) In 88 a year you may remember well, as also about the time of the Powder●plot; for the infinite love and reverence we owe to Artlurs bird, we gave the Crow a pudding ●r●wo, which were first very good links, & then they were broiled for the birds better digestion.  
〈◊〉 Eglamore with divers others of that age.] Your Catalogue is not perfect, 〈…〉 as if an expurgatorius were upon it. I could help you, if I w●r● so minded, but because stultorum omnia plena, let Don Quixot and this Comment p●●ne the Basket; what matter is it?  
Nos 〈…〉 and though we be not three, we are two; and vel Duo v●l Nemo, both or none.  
The Traveliers perceived he was none of the wisest.] It is strange to see the sagacity of some men, and their insight; though the Don though big, looked big, & talked big (which is the only way to set off the simples) yet these A●ingdon 〈◊〉 (as they call them) th●se Caprit●os, the Merchants, had him in the wind, and 〈◊〉 him out to be a fool very handsomely, couched under this notion, of no●e of the wisest; in all faculties, in all passions, you (if you be curious and inquisitive) shall find some of these sor● of people, that they call none of the wisest; and if you are given to strict observation, you shall find others, who do not move out of door, but they lay their business, the time, the place, the stay, the return, all so exactly and me●●●o●ically, as if it were by a scheme: And these, when all this pains and forecasting is bestowed, (though they will not be thought so) are none of the wisest; nay, these critics and 〈◊〉 s●rcrs of men's ma●ners, garbs, discourses, clothes, (I knew one so punctual, that he could tell how many buttons his friends had to their suits, and how many clocks; were in their bands,) are even as their object, nay, some super-superlative, none of the wisest: I leave off this note, with a worthy piece of indignation, of a scholar I cannot say, but of one who wore a gow●, who hated a gentleman of such a house, only for this Reason, that he was the first (for the other had lain long hid and obscure) who discovered him to be a fool.  
I do believe, the Monks of Charterhouse lived not such strict lives as the Knight-Err●●.] The Don is at his oration again, and by the length of them they are ●ceron●an. I shall once more take the pains to run it into verse, and 〈◊〉 it is a question, as it were stated by the Don, that Errantry is a 〈…〉 life then Monkery; we will suppose Vival●o for the Monk, and the Don in his own person, shall by way of a short and pithy dialogue, canvasse the matter over again, till convinced by the pregnancy of both reasons, you yield to which your judgement shall incline.  

VIVALDO.  
Piety forbids to rail; I will be civil,  
Though I encounter with incarnate Devil!  
Knight-Errants to compare with Monks? what hopes  
From our shaved Crowns, course coats, and girded ropes?  
If one, whose hands are purple with manslaughter,  
Shall think to be in Limbo Monks hereafter;   

QUIXOT.  
Father I say not so, i'll ne'er desire  
To come to yours, or good St ‛ Tonies' fire.  
Enjoy your Limbus to yourselves, I know  
You do deserve enough for living so,  
So barely, poorly, basely; yet for all that,  
(Sure 'tis God's blessing,) you're all very fat;  
If that your Limbus be a fa●'ning fire,  
Make haste unto't, you'll make a jolly Friar.   

VIVALDO.  
Not so much speed (Knight-Errant) you ran post,  
But 'las you never read of Wand'ring Ghost,  
Of a Knight yet uninterred, who sudden died,  
And never men nor God have mercy cried,  
And there may wander on the Stygian verge,  
For want of money, to procure a derge.  
We are content to live within our Celestina,  
Praying for such as you, who sight for Hell,  
And in a desperate frenzy do such Deeds  
Which puts us Monks unto our nightly Beads.   

QUIXOT.  
Father, we are for fight, not for pray,  
I have not said that thing this many a day;  
Only Dulcinea help me, smile upon  
Thy Don, and bless him in the action;  
When Giant doth lay on with stump of Tree,  
Then dear Dulcinea, down upon thy knee,  
And that's enough, that without word spoken,  
Confounds all weapons, whether steel or oaken.   

VIVALDO.  
Is this devotion? 'twere a sin to smile;  
Dulcinea help! how you your soul beguile?  
You must invoke some other kind of Saints  
As are departed, who did know our wants,  
And feel them too, who lived cum-vobis,  
And to those cry, orat' orat' pro nobis.  
Pray Sancta Clara, Bridget, Frances Winifrid,  
And pray Loretto, against all my sin,  
And pray good Katherine, that didst wind thy wheel,  
That I by fumes of drink may never reel:  
O pray all Saints of ages and of Sexes,  
Against all evil, that our soul perplexes.   

QUIXOT.  
What though I say no hymns, nor Ave-maries',  
I fast, and keep a diet like the Fairies;  
Sancho shall witness it to good St Peter,  
That when I have to eat, I'm no great eater.  
I've read of Peter's sheet, and large provision,  
But I was ne'er in any such condition;  
Sheets I renounce, and victuals I have none,  
Sancho produce the Wallet; See, all's gone:  
Who does endure so much? besides I'm battered,  
Thirsty and lousy, galled, tattered and shattered:  
Show me throughout the World so wi' a fight,  
As I at present, and yet I'm a Knight.   

VIVALDO.  
I grant, you Errants are a rueful Tribe,  
Like wand'ring Jew's indeed, (without a gibe)  
Yet though you want from lasting, to e're-lasting,  
You cannot call this a religious f●sting.  
This is plain hunger, want of vict'-als,  
Poor rogues, you'd need be sent to some Hos-pitals.  
But we a thousand Ave-maries' say,  
And night by night, and day by day we pray:  
We fast indeed, for though we have good Wine  
And oil, and all that pampers up the groin;  
Yet in the sight and smell of a Full Kitchen,  
We to our Crosses go, Penance, and Breeching;  
And what we do, that does the pretty Nun,  
Up goes her trinkets too, sure as a gun;  
And when w● have ●orti●i'd and tamed the flesh,  
We feed with stomaches good, as they that thresh.   
Which in my opinion, is a kind of Gentilism.] I must fall to my notes again, for neither in verse nor prose, sea or by land, high way or field, must a Knight-Errant be worsted; therefore the issue of the Poem lies doubtful, and conclude them both with 
Et vitulo tu dignus & hic;  
No quarrel upon any one's behalf,  
They do deserve alike; Divide the Calf.   
Don Quixots Religion, though not his fare, is very like that of Ch●ur●rs Physician, 
Whose meat was good and digestible,  
But not a word he uttered from the Bible.   
Knight-Errants have neither grace nor meat, unless it should fortune his Lady's name should be so, then perchance when he fell on, not when ●e fell to, Grace might be said. They fall upon food, and adventure 〈◊〉, Carrier's and Goates-flesh as ungodly, as we do upon Oysters, Melons or raw Artichokes. There are few Christians of the order, they being generally Apostates, or voluntary Mahume●ans, and subscribers to the 〈◊〉: For according to the principles of that fabulous book, they Knight-Errant i● from this world into the next, with a 〈◊〉 here, to 〈◊〉 there, Toboso being changed pro Paradis●; and his Dulcinea's twinclers enlarged to the full breadth of Queen Proserpina's saucers, 
Turkish Paradise.  which the Lady Margery Owletia, at the largest extension, can no way compare to.  
If the Lady be in place, he turns amorously to her his face, etc.] In these words, if you will, but they are too good for a neat's tongue, or a Calf's head, being borrowed from that excellent play Lingu●, in Tactus his speech when he was mad, and supposed himself Hercules: 
Omphale dear, Commandress of my life,  
My hearts repose, sweet Centre of my cares,  
See where the mighty son of Jupiter  
Casts himself prostrate at thy conquering feet;  
Scorn not my voluntary humbleness,  
But bless me with Commands.   
Or if you will have our Knight-Mummers own words, which like Abel Druggers gingerbread, must melt out of his mouth before you can hear it, hear 'em e'en as good as mine Host muttered over him at the consecrating of him Knight-Errant, out of his provender book of Ceremonies.  
Toboso's honour, and Toboso's shame  
Known unto none but me by thy new name,  
Not to thyself; for thou poor simple wretch,  
Canst not conceive a name of that high fetch,  
As great Dulcinea, and in Tobo-so,  
Thou art so poor, it grieves me see thee goe-so.  
The Sails of Giant Windmills shall be smocks  
For thee my heart, or it shall cost me knocks:  
No linings can be cooler, nor no Fan  
Used by the Persian or Mahometan.  
What prowess can't obtain, Sancho shall steal,  
Thou shalt receive, and I will stout conceal.  
Only thy countenance grant, grin on thy Knight,  
O show thy teeth upon thy Favourite;  
Give a good gloze from thy strained goggle eye,  
And as a ball from Canon shoot I fly.  
There is no History wherein is found a Knight-Errant without a Love,] A Knight without a Lady, is like a Face without a Nose, a fiddle without a bridge, a body without a head, a soldier without a sword, a Monkey without a tail, a Lady without a lookingglass, a glass without a face, a Face without a Nose, and so about it goes.  
All Foyters, men o'th' sword, Hector's, Herculeans, Samsonians, are all of them Pamphilians, that is, universal servants to all Ladies who have fair faces, fairer fortunes, lusty Butteresses, and requiring gascoynes. Indeed, there are a sort of men called Solifidians, such who have vowed to one single piece of surpassing excellency their faith and services, and so are ingross'd and enclosed, and made several, who before were common. Of this order and rank was our Don, who would be believed constant to Toboso, yet I suspect him, for you shall find him running at sheep anon; I do no● mean for hunger, but lust; he loved mutton literally and metaphorically, as will appear by his pursuit of Marcela, whom had he overtaken (after the Goat was digested) I know what kind of pulse he would have had, that which they call Caprizans, and you may guess the rest.  
She is not of the Roman Curtios, Caios, or Scipios.] Her lineage is very large and spreading, and infinitely branched (exceeding Iustinians● ree, on the negative line or side) but very thin, empty and lank upon the positive; I do believe she could scarce run two ascents without the help of a Town or Parish, where her Grandfather was found, and for want of friends and acquaintance, accepted of the name of the place, and it is very likely to be the true genealogy, for by her bulk she must necessarily be imagined to descend from some body corporate, left by some body politic, and kept by some body Civil, or else- spem greg is ah nu●● she was (for the Don hath not yet discovered her as she is naturally, or rather domestically endowed, but sets her out in her crranticall titles, and the fantastical and imaginary apprehensions of her future Queen-ship) she was I say, Aulica Coquinae, and of that litter which is but a degree neater or finer than the turne-spits, if the dog at any time was weary, cry a wheel, and she knew not whether it was her turn or no, only she did it without side, the dog within, she by hand, that by foot. Many of her kindred are knew not by the names of Cicely Bumtrinket, Gillian of Winchester, Long Meg, jone Easie, besides the Fustyloeggs, the Dowdees, the Trollops, the Malkins, the Fussocks, the Trugmouldies, the Funcos; all which were Fausen sluts, like Bartholomew Fair pig-dressers, who look at the same time like the dams, as well as the Cooks of what they roasted.  
Sancho Pancha did verily believe all his Master's words were true.] Sancho, though he was not trained up to second his Master's lies, yet he had as good a quality, which was to hold his peace and let them pass. Davus had no better commendations than fides & Taci●urnitas, as saith the Comedian in Andri●. A Spanish shrug will shift off a lie sometimes as well as a louse.  
This is the Body of chrysostom, who was peerless, etc.] Now we must leave fooling, we are at a funeral, and Chrysostom's body a spectacle of mortality is before us, Signior Ambrosio likewise hath a pastoral oration for his brother Shepherd deceased, stain by the negative voice of Marcela, who this night is to be railed upon by the black skins, in as lamentable noise, as the wild Irish make their O hones. As for example;  
O hone O hone! why wouldst thou die good Chryfostome? hadst thou not Sheep and Oxen, I and Cows, yea and red Cows (whose milk is good against the Consumption?) hadst thou no● Orchard and Gardens, and sage in those Gardens? which whosoever hath and eats, how canst thou die? Was not thy Father and Mother dead and left thee all, why wilt thou die? O bone! hadst thou not wit more than all thy friends, neighbours and kindred? and why then wouldst thou die, and leave us fools behind thee, but O hone! We will follow thee even to that place where thou receivedst thy death's wound, O hone! for a woman's denial, O hone! didst thou not know? yes, too well, that caeteri volunt, O hone! or a whetstone, for my wits are very dull upon this melancholy subject.  
He commanded me to sacrifice them to the fire.] What volumes of this hard subject had this Loves-Martyr wrote? which after this fire, were never to see light. It was well done of Vivaldo to endeavour the reprieve; for the vapours of so much discontented, sad, melancholy stuff, might in an ill time affected all the standers by, and wrought such sad impressions in their brains, that the party that were single might have disavowed womenkind, and then it might have (had the example been followed) brought the World to a conclusion that Age, and the parties married would have no doubt gone home, and for fear of such unkindness, so laboured to please their wives (for men do strange feats when they are melancholy) that the numerous fruits of one night's benevolence, would have so peopled the world, that Spain could not have kept them, though it might contain them, and so put the succeision to seek new habitations in the West Indies, who are as glad of their company, as of the Fiends.  
Which had this title, A ditty of despair.] I shall change the name of it, and call it the Ditty of Comfort; because I presume, though I do not desire the same subject (that is, an unflexible Mistress) that I can make as good a one myself. So when a Lady sees a face not of extraordinary symmetry, let her call it a comfortable face, hers is as good. When a Sermon is preached not of too singular composure, but plain and easy of apprehension, that also is a comfortable Sermon, another man may do as well; and so for other things, as your own application shall best serve.    

CHAP. VI  

The Canzone of chrysostom in Despair.  
Give ear unto my Elegy,  
Or shall I call it Legacy;  
Let it be both: For in it I deplore  
My own sad love, and charge you give it o'er.  
My years, when first I saw that face;  
(Had I ne'er seen her nor the place,  
Where bathing she set me on fire:  
Strange! water should incense desire,  
I had been happy) but my years  
Bade me be bold, though my heart fears.  
No such Orient Pearl Diana ' shed  
From her pure skin, and drenched head,  
When that the silver stream grew rich,  
And found her water pearly, which  
Dropped from the Goddess, and now Graces  
Her Nymphs, and serve them for necklaces.  
Marcela as she bathed her limbs,  
Th' enamoured fountain standing seems;  
And the Flee● waters could not move,  
Turned to a lake by powerful love.  
The bows together twist, and show  
That you and I ought to do so:  
And all the birds in a joint choir,  
Did sing her into soft desire.  
In gentle murmurs the kind wind,  
Conveiged into her ear my mind;  
Which when she heard, she straightway dight  
Her robes, and did herself benight;  
As from the howling of a Wolf,  
And from the fountain as a gulf,  
From all the birds as birds of prey,  
From winds, as bands she flew away:  
And as she unrevoked ran,  
She thought each tree to be a man.  
But I had graved in thousand rinde●  
My loves, which where she written finds,  
She barks (hard heart) the guiltless tree,  
And so by proxy murders me.  
Enjoy thy cruelty, i'll fall  
The Martyr of thy spleen and gall;  
Triumph in scorn, 't shall be in vain  
Relenting, wish me live again.  
For by that rock i'll buried be,  
The emblem of thy cruelty;  
Marpesia, lose thy craggy name,  
Marcela is the rock of Fame,  
Famed for the death of chrysostom,  
His life sometimes, but now his doom;  
Thou lendest indeed a thread, ab but  
It was no sooner lent, but cut;  
A face thou show'dst, aspring of life,  
But in thy tongue there was a knife:  
Soft as the Down of Swans thy skin,  
But thy heart was adamantine.  
Learn all of me, Shepherds be wise,  
And come not near those charming eyes;  
For if she catch you in the flame,  
she'll hold, and burn you in the same;  
Let her range on among the Beast's,  
You'll find ●'th ' Herd more gentler Breasts,  
And make your suits to stocks and trees,  
They will be moved, they have Sympathies.  
But this Marcela's only skin  
Without, and patri●●ed within.  
Remember what a dying man  
Says, and the Cannon's of the Swan;  
When e'er this cruel fair one dies,  
I charge you her anatomize,  
And when she's found, as I relate,  
Such stone you cannot penetrate;  
Lay her upon my open grave,  
No other Tombstone I will have.   

TEXT.  
ON the top of the rock whereon they made the grave, the Shepherdess Marcela did appear.]  
See where our Cynthia shines, but hark,  
Though the Moon shine, the dogs will bark.  
Our Don and Rosinante both neigh,  
Forgot is foul Dulcinea;  
He would adventure a sound knock,  
to change his Dul' for her ' o'th' rock.  
Ambrosio impatient at that sight, was able to compose the quarrels of brethren, rather barked then spoke, and in most bitter Billingsgate Rhetoric, bespatters a Lady of most immaculate same, and firm constancy, as the Pedestal she trod on, the rock: Bona verba, better words good Ambrosio, what, down right Basilisks, stern● Nature, Merciless Nero, Tullia, who would have looked for such Nectar with Ambrosio?  
I come not here (good Ambrosio) quoth Marcela, to any of those ends thou sayest.] Marcelas' speech is a pure defence of resolved virginity, vowed Nunnery, a rigid constancy, and obstinate resolution to gather nuts all the vacation long, which are very stiptical, and the bodies that feed much upon 'em, costive, and seldom loose.  
Our fair Hippolyta dedicates herself to the Forests and Woods, where exercise and continual labour and variety, give check to all those paisions, which a sedentary and lazy life are subject to. Spinning will not qualify nor suppress those fancies so much, they are not allayed with a wet finger: Carding can do no less, which (as it would affect somewhat,) our Ladies do most intolerably ply. But Tib and Tom are not of the Woolpack, nor those stocks of the primitive good house-wifry. Though this life of Shepheardizing be out of fashion, yet far better do they, who in remembrance of these rare pieces of abstinence, busy themselves in rock-work, in Civet-baskets, in waxen Fruit-Trees, in making adam's and Eves even in wax, representing their state of innocency, in framing Paradise, Babel, jerusalem, Nin●●●, Troy, or any thing, rather than setting up t'other dozen, or wasting the week amongst young gallants, who, to show their breeding, must los● their money fashionably, pay the box generously, and so they win, shall I say, or rather lose (for unless they lose they shall be accounted hard-heads) the reputation of complete Courtiers. To all of this Marcela is an example, and a plea, a pres●dent and leading Case to all such Ladies (if any such there be) whose servants have departed out of this world upon the same occasion taken, that chrysostom did: She in this eloquent speech, doth 〈◊〉 all refractory damosels, from the least accessariness or liableness of guilt from the ends (violent or melancholy) of their puling, snivelling, or Hen-hearted Servants. No woman is to be indicted, as cruel Spinster, for the shortened thread of Tom Fool's life; if he die or run mad, or beyond ●ea, or vow not to shave his Beard or powder his Cock scombe, or ride in a Coach or Seda●, or go to Sermon (that is to wait upon a Lady to Church) upon the Repulse, the Maidens, nay, the harsh Letter, the Frown●, the Gloat, the Hung-lip, the Neglect, the Go-by, the Bannimus from the Table, returned Presents Letters, Fancies, (all but kisses and Banquets) of the most exquisite Marcela in the world. Oh chrysostom, chrysostom, thou wert Felo 〈◊〉 Te; Thou didst cast away thine own life, and deservedst to he staked as well as buried in the open fields, for being such a Goose, Widgeon, and Niddecock to die for love: Of which sort before you shall find one in the Bill of Mortality, you shall find ten thousand dye of Grief, and the Rickets, which is a disease, when the head sucks all the nutriment from the rest of the Members.  
I never gave any hopes to Chrysostom● or any others.] Our brother departed is to be blamed more and more, that will take no Answer: she told him (in plain English as they say) ● she could not love him or any one: What can't be can't be: It's bett●● to go out of the house, than to be thrust out, and be laughed at. But this Pagan Scholar would not believe a Woman in the Negative to her own good, he had read no doubt of some one, who said, she would embrace Fire or the Faggot, rather than such a One, and in a fortnight the Imprecation forgot, she hath been tied and bound up to that more abhorred stake. His 〈◊〉 ne cred●● here failed, Marcela was resolute and stout to her Quanquam: not like tha● tergiversating and back-sliding Lady, who desperately vowed and threatened the Poniard, present death upon a libidinous assaulter, who notwithstanding the apparent and instant hazard of his life, (graceless wre●ch) fell on and stormed his peremptory desire, so furiously and inconsiderately, that had not very much mercy been eminent at that nick of time in the Lady, the Assailant, if he had a thousand lives, they must have been lo●t all. Such an unvanquishable spirit no Age hath met with, as was found in Marcela, who without doubt was of Amazonian Constancy, and could have rather endured one breast cut off, than a Child sucking at 'em: rather the Bows and Arrows with the Manlike Quiver at her back, then that any effeminate shaft should come night her Quiver: rather the Busk in upon he● half way covered Legs, than endured the laced Pantofle, the silk Stocking, the buttoned Smock, or the sweet bag at her Pillow, or a Pillow to her Downbed, or any bed but the Downs themselves; where she lay and composed this ensuing Poem, to answer the untrue, and unjust accusations of chrysostom and his fellow Shepherd, nettled Ambrosi●.  

MARCELA● Plea.  
I do appeal to all my Sex,  
Whom tedious suitors hourly 〈◊〉,  
And chief to those (if any 〈◊〉)  
Under my vow of Chastity.  
If none be found, than I 〈◊〉  
Such as the Matrimonial  
Noose hath caught fast, but gladly would  
Be such as I am, if they could.  
Is it my sin for to be fair?  
T' have pleasing Fetters in my hair?  
T' have an eye made for to kill,  
Or to revive at mine own will?  
And such a voice as Birds stand mute  
To hear? and die as on his Lute  
Once fell the Nightingale,  
And fainted when her voice did fail?  
To have two ri●ing lips, yet such  
A● only know each others Touch?  
A hand so small and snowy white,  
'Twould serve to light you in the night.  
A Breast where Azure veins are drawn,  
(Soft as the Water, or the Lawn;)  
Yet plimming by a generous heat,  
That always by one Pulse did ●eat:  
Pasterns upright, so small a 〈◊〉,  
It puts the Does, and Hinds unto't  
To tread so nimbly o'er the Plains,  
And tires the heavy clo●ted Swains.  
Nature if these be crimes, I lay  
On thee the charges of this day.  
But if what thou didst freely give,  
I mean to keep, long as I live,  
Pure and unsullied, as the Rose,  
(Not tainted by approach of nose.)  
Why am I blamed? Cause I'll not part  
With these, by giving up my heart  
Into another's mast'ring power,  
To crop at's pleasure every Flower?  
If I decoyed a simple Swain,  
Or gave him hopes to come again:  
If I received a Garland, or  
(When that I knew what he played for)  
Would hear his baited Lays,  
Or gave him either smile, or praise,  
Let him appeal unto that smile,  
And Ise no more his hopes beguile.  
But when I've told so oft my mind,  
Which you may read, if you're not blind,  
Through my transparent skin, that I  
Intent to live a maid, and die;  
If like this chrysostom you pine  
To death, it is no fault of mine.  
I am and will be on my vow,  
Answer my Riddle, if you can tell 〈◊〉.  
Had I submitted to thy Foolery,  
I must be false unto myself and thee,  
If I that had vowed Chastity before,  
Should marry, married I should play the whore;  
For marrying to be chaste to thee I vow,  
How art thou sur●, when I broke one but now.   
'Tis only she alone that lives therein with honest intention.] How now Don, I begin to smell a Rat, if Marcela alone, if these honest intentions, what is she of Toboso? This cannot be forgetfulness or incaution, for it was morning, and he was fresh and fasting. On my life Dulcinea was no better than she should be, pray heaven she were so good: yet it may be he spoke this somewhat hyperb●icall 〈◊〉 that is ignorantly, as the good chaste wife, who surprised with a Quaeri● from h●r jealous husband, who had heard abroad amongst his Neighbours, that there were but two men in his parish that were not Cuckolds, could not stay any longer, but forthwith repaired to his wife, and told her the st●rie, and was very inquisitive and urgent with her to resolve him, whether she knew or could guess who those two happy men were: The good soul not reflecting upon her husband, or her own vindication, being secure at home, puzzled herself to satisfy him of those abroad; but knowing how unhappily she was situate, and confident of the truth of the rumours, she protested she could not possibly guess who those two should be; which raised such a dissension betwixt them, and her husband was so touchy for no cause at all given, that the good woman was forced to the course her neighbours used, only to live a quiet life with her Husband, who after he was come into the honest list, was more contented than ever before; and his wife, by such Arts as her Gossips taught her, quite rid him of all his jealousy, which in the time of her constancy to his Bed, he was ever plagued withal.  
Which Ambrosio said was to be after this manner.] But I believe Marcelas was more proper which she engraved in the Bark of a tree, just against the place of the Rock where the unfortunate Suitor lay.  
Suffer kind tree this Epitaph to grow  
With thee, and as thy G●mmes do flow,  
Entomb the Words, that none may dare  
To take them thence, but see they're there.  

EPITAPH.  
Against this Tree d●th lie a Swain,  
Who died indeed, but loved in vain,  
Who hoped t'have been Marcela's Lord,  
But died upon a cruel word:  
To whom I wished a longer life,  
But not as be, to be his wife.  
Yet if his Dust conten● can have,  
I'll ●ingle Ashes in the grave:  
And when it is my welcome Turn,  
What Bed denied, enjoy i'th' 〈◊〉   
The end of the Second Book▪     

FESTIVOUS NOTES UPON DON QUIXOT. BOOK III.  

CHAPTER I.  
Swift as the Roe, Virgin Marcela flies,  
The Don can only follow her with Cries;  
But our Atlanta doth not mind his Calls,  
Nor hath the Don or gold, or gilded Balls  
To bait her flight: but both resolve together  
To bait themselves, and let the Devil go with her.  
The grass is Table to the Don, and meat  
To Rosinant, who full was for a feat,  
And lust full, scents the Mares Gallician,  
And presently is for coition:  
The labouring ●ades were not for wanton tricks,  
But answer his Levaltoes with shrewd kicks.  
But Rosinant persists, and maugre packs,  
He mounts (girt-burst) upon their skittish backs;  
But the Yanguesian Carriers with Battoon  
Did cudgel out of's side the salt Baboon,  
And tamed him strait; where at the enraged Don  
Enters the Lists, but had blows three for one.  
And Sancho too was here a Combatant,  
But you will know the issue by the plaint:  
Plainiffs were both, both Sancho and his Master,  
Defendants none, the Umpire is a plaster.  

TEXT.  
TRavelling the space of two hours without finding her, they arrived to a pleasant Me●●w.] Marcela was too quick of foot for the Don; she that used to chase the wild Boar, and o'ertake the wounded Stag, how was it possible that an overriden Stallion, or a tame Ass should overreach her. Horse and Asses tired, and soultred with the heat of the day more than affection they flung their caps at her, (they had tassel ones in their pockets) and cried as we do of a Hare escaped, let her go 'tis but dry meat. But the Meadow is got, the pleasant smiling Meadow, but no Marcela to bestow a green gown on; here is the pure and refreshing stream, but not Marcela, who used to dress her sweet face in it, made more sleek, lovely, and glassy, by receiving and returning those lines and imagery to those eyes which were only fit to behold them.  
They did fall to with good accord and fellowship.] Hopeless of satisfying their eyes, they consult how to pleasure the rest of their senses; and (the Don being maimed in the Organ of one of the chiefest) it was high time to provide for the maintenance of the rest; — Strato discumbiter Ostro:  
The green Carpet was laid before them and they (more graecorum, in their lying down, not at this time in taking up, for they had no Caecubum) I may say too more Brutoni, for Bos pro cumbit humi, they I say laid themselves down, falling to it, hail fellow well met; Sancho proved the nimbler feeder, having his nose seldom out of the Manger, which, the Don did not so much mind, because he often gazed about for adventures, and did not follow his blow, or rather his stroke, (for this encounter is of the Teeth) insomuch, that Sancho was the Knight of the Meadow, though the Squire of the Highway.  
Rosinante had a desire to solace himself with the Lady Mares.] Rosinante it seems was not run off all his metal, he was backed to erterprises, and would have had a Barriers with a Gallician Philly, which was a great error in the Cephael-Errant, for he was by ordure of his horse-hood, to have relieved the Lady Mares, (not as Spanish gennets are begot, nor in that corner) who were oppressed and overladen with heavin packs, and ought not to have laid more sacks to the Mill (as they say) being the only horse of the only Lady-relieving Knight now remaining in the whole world. But the Yanguesian Carriers (finding the Beast troubled with melancholy) presently flew in to the assistance of their Mares, who had hitherto (more than many rational creatures will do) defended themselves from this foul ravisher with their heels. But now Rosinante is at the stool of repentance, never was paure Brute so hampered for wicked intentions, never such sharp blows for the gentle strokes that he meant to his Galician sweetharts'; besides that, he did carry the favours of one of the goodliest amongst them upon his flank (as plain a Mare-shooe, as ever was made by Smith;) these Battoon marks were too intolerable, (which their Masters did accumulate upon his hide) till he lay down upon the grass, worse tired with this wooden entertainment, then if he had all-abroud (as the Scotch Kerle saith) awe the Phillyes one after another upon the place.  
Sancho at the second Peal is struck down, and the Don fell at his Courser's feet.] Love me, and love my dog. It was a sign Sancho did not heartily affect the Don, that he was so unwilling to relieve Rosinante from the Yanguesian Giants; but he had reason for it, he saw their number, and the noise of the weapons, from Rosinante's sides, made him provide for his own: Fear hath a quick ear, and though it was tickled with the government of the Island, (which always buzzed in the hollow of it) yet he perceived it was a desperate causeway that conducted thither, and that he should undergo very strict discipline, before he came to exercise any. And so it proved; for though he was spurred up with hopes by the courageous inspirations of the Don, yet (alas, notwithstanding he collected his full spirit) what were Hercules and Lycus against more than twelve labours at once, or rather labourers? whom Sancho very properly advised not to charge on foot, or indeed at all, or to engage upon a horse quarrel, which would gain no credit in History, and especially if they should be foiled; what a blemish would it be in the book that was to be wrote of them? to see in a great Cut or Brass leaf, there Rosinante laid breathless, and by him the Don, not able to heave a side or stir a limb, or stretch forth a hand, and Sancho in woeful manner pictured aloof off with his face to the ground, ashamed to look up to Heaven, or upon man or beast, after this ignoble victory; Only the Ass, reserved to carry away the blushing spoils of the field, will be seen in the piece free, grazing and leaping, and as having more wit than three, contented himself with his pasture, not like Rosinante given to lust, nor like both the fools (I mean as to this enterprise) his masters given to revenge.  
The Carriers with all possible speed, trussing up their loading, followed on their way.] Fuga est pro culpâ: A guilty Conscience is a thousand Judges, Juries and witnesses. But who shall make hue and cry after them? who shall raise the Country? It being done betwixt Sun and Sun, the hundred was to pay for the Injury done by the Carriers, which were wont to pay for injuries done to them: But it was secure as to that matter, for cantabit vacuus. The Don feared no robbing, and as for their Brutes, they were not worth stealing; Nothing was taken from them, the fault was in what was given them, and not the hundreds nor ten thousands could take it off. Sancho more wise (for in afflictions he got experience) than his Master, (who, like his Cousin in the mortar, never profited) remembered his Lord of the liquor at Feoblas', which was much, that his head (so disordered) could contain so hard a word in it. But as for the Balsamum Fierebras, it was at that distance, (as a Doctor of Physics remedy was in time of present application) some forty or fifty miles off, but this farther, not in Facto, (though as by the name appears) but in Fieri.  
I cannot set a time for our recovery, but I am in the fault of all.] Statutum est semel mori, the Don kn●w that; but as for the stati dies of a sickness, the beginnings, declinings, perfections of any disease, herein the Don was to seek as much as for his Balsam; but pares in culpâ, pares in poenâ, like Master like man, Sancho was cheek by jowl at dinner, and now he is jowled with him after dinner. But confession is the first step to repentance, though a foot could not be moved by either of them, yet notwithstanding it was real, for here was contrition, (or rather attrition) also adjoined, and an absolute resolution upon Sanchos part, never to play such a prank again, with endeavour of satisfaction, and an Act of Oblivion to these Banguesian Carriers. There wanted now the Monks of his former adventure to pronounce the absolution, and the Don was fit for Heaven; and so he was without it (as to the matter, though the form were wanting) yet he looked to get that Paradise purely by suffering, which Sancho (unless at this time the purchase was paid for it) desired some other way might be achieved.  
Draw thou, and chastise them at thy pleasure.] DON QVIXOT very cunningly, but nobly, would have entailed these inferior Encounters upon Sancho and his heirs Male. Indeed dry-bastings, cudgelings, surcinglings were too mean for a Knight, and more compatible with his Squire, who by often malleations, hammerings, pounding, and threshing, might in good time be beaten out into the form of a gentleman: For he was like a wedge now, or like gold in the Oar, thick and rough, and no doubt, but these Yanguesians did but act the part of Goldsmiths, who with much labour, polish, and surbish up the splendour of rough-cast metals. After some few experiences of this Goldsmiths-hall Furnace, the man no doubt would be far fitter for the government of the intended Island, who in the shape he now was, cannot be esteemed proportionable for any plantation, unless it were in the Antipodes.  
What would become of thee, who dost disable thyself in respect thou art not a Knight, nor desirest to be.] Here Sancho had almost lost a Hog for want of a halfe-penny-worth of Tar. The hopes of an Island (and that no small one) rather then complete his Errantry through blunts to sharpes, through surcingles, to the garters and Zones of Amazons. The Don excellently well upbraids and excites his coward-spirits, setting before his eyes (which were much benefited by looking upon the green grass) how venerable, of what ●igh esteem among the Romans the Veterani were, who were nought else but old beaten Soldiers. What respect a Captain gains, who at his return views his Country, and she him, with a face and skin as scarified as that body before an Almanac, a sign of what danger he has run through, as those are of the Sun passing through the Zodiac: Then after his departure, to have this skin hung up in the school of Anatomy, where every year, thousands of Ladies view the Monumental foreskin, with as much joy as did the Hebrew damsels, those of the slain Philistines; what and how many legs hath a Colonel (whom an honourable shot hath left but one to) in place of that? All eyes will look upon him, who hath lost one: Polypheme was more stared at then then Ulysseses, and Argus, if ever he had the fortune to see him, more wondered at his saucer, than all his own hundred of small eye-let-holes. Every man lends an hand to the Officer with one arm; nay, our very enemies (after the hot disputes are passed) are in honour with us very much, especially, if by some great piece of valorous hazard, (the signs whereof are eminent and visible) they bear the Characters of their own gallantry, and of success. Such Sancho was my ear, and ever will be throughout Bisca●a, and all ears will glow, in memory of the blood I lost from that. Do but recount (for I must speech out this timorousness from thy head and heart) recollect with thyself I say, what honour a Ship hath (senseless of the thing done to her) which is famous for some singular Sea-service, the watermens speak nobly of her, tell their passengers how bravely she behaved herself at Lepanto, at the Golph D'i Venice, in the Mediterraneum, in the straits, at Gibberall Terk, amongst the Cypriots, the Candiots, the Smyrniots, the Scyots, the Scanderouns, and many more Islands, where she hath taken in fresh, and whether the joyful natives run, as much wondering to see her honourable Bark, as if a Sturgeon, a Sea- Calf, a Porcipize, a shark, a swordfish, or Leviathan himself had been cast ashore, and could not retumble his vast hulk into the main Sea again.  
The pains of the disgrace doth not so much trouble me as the grief of the blows, etc.] These Orations raised not Sancho's spirits a jot, nor his body from the ground: Inso much, that he gave over the thought of the government of the Island, and imagined he had taken possession of the Continent, where he lay a Living Lease sealed upon the ground, yet not in case to molest any Trespassers. For unless Rosinante could be caught again and his Ass, what likelihood of any other Purchase, than this of the Turf? Rosinante was the concluded Author of these last mischiefs.  — Equo ne credit Teucri. 
Never trust a modest-lookt Stallion, your soberest Jades are firkers in Corners, and your horse that says lest is (like the silent Sow) for Draft-Mares. But Sancho was resolved to humble him, if grass and hay can do it; he is to be interdicted Oats and all Flatulent and erecting diet for a Month; but had rem been proved in re, his mouth had been excommuned Provender for ever; for a lascivious futring jade could never prosperously carry the chaste body of a Knight Errand through his Virgin-rescuing Adventures. It is dolorous to relate in what variety of Agony he lay shifting from side to side, and sometimes upon his knees, but nothing would give him ease; and the sight of his Master lying in worse malady was double grief unto him.  Tormentum miseris socios habuisse doloris. 
I know all these Incommodities are annexed unto the exercise of Arms.] Play the Crab with me, and run a Note backward: and for observation upon the place, I conceive that these Incommodities were so heavy, that they conduced not to the exercise of his Arms, Sides, Back, nor Thighs: all the parts of his body being in a parity of suffering, not by compassion or sympathy, but by the proper anguish of each particular joint and member. Otherwise some unexercised Limb (like the undipped heel of his brother Myrmidon-killer Achilles) had been enough to lose the whole man. For I can compare the thorough and Integral, and almost quotidian pounding and bastings of the Squire and his Don, unto nothing apt and more convenient, than the daily sousing of that valiant Greeks body in the enchanted Bath for Invulneration. Certainly if Glass may be so indurated by fire, that it may scorn the force of the hammer, so verily I believe, that our Knights parts would be stock-fisht, and solidated by continual contusions, threshing and quassations, that in time they would be inferrible, that is, Sword-proofe, Battoone-proofe, Cudgell-proofe, and Surcingle-proofe. Milo, 'tis known by using to carry Calves, improved his strength to the burden of a Bull: So the Don by bearing well and stoutly these Yangue●ian trials of skill (Tyrocinia meerly militaria) in time would contemn all the injuries, nay the very packs (if he were put to it) of all the Carriers of all Rhodes. Atlas by such stupendious burthen-bearing came to be Porter of Heaven itself, and Hercules his supporter, that is, under-porter, and the Don (when his earthly labours are to cease) in reversion to Hercules, Nemine contradicente.  
The Wounds, friend Sancho, that are given to one by those Instruments which are in ones hand by chance, do not disgrace a man.]  
— Mene Iliacis occumbere campis  
Non potuisse, tuaque animam hanc effundere dextra.  
Had I but fall'n in Trojan fields,  
Covered with Myrmidons rich Shields,  
Where Hector lies in his blood gravelling,  
Slain by Achilles lusty Javelin.  
There was the honour of it, Sancho, to fall by Achilles his Spear, that was Field-Honour. But to have a Pack-staffe salutation, it is not dishonour in the Herald's Court of Knight Errantry. 'Twas no legal Combat (judge all Masters of Defence) where the weapons are not named in the Bill, and produced upon the stage. This was mere Chance-medley, and mis-application of tools. There is no flaw, no shoulder-spraine, hipshot, nor rib-roast in thy credit; there's the comfort Brother, we are reputation-sound. A hundred of these (which however Heaven avert) make but misdemeanours in Knight-Errantry, and can never amount to an Attaindor.  
There is no pain nor grief which Death will not consume.] Death (Brother Sancho, now we go forward again) said the Don, puts a period to all Travails, all Adventures, and therefore necessarily to Knight-Errantry, itself, and dissolves the Order, than which it were better that the Machine Catholic should fall: For thereby so many plundered Ladies, abused Virgins, oppressed Matrons would be left unrevenged. No, no, friend, let us to our Brutes again: And for a concluding story about Death take this; An old lazy fellow having overburdened himself with stolen Furz-bushes, groaned more under the weight than stealth, and even spent and tired, cried out, Come death, come death and welcome: which spoke▪ comes in a gashfull, horrid, meager, terrible, ugly shape, Phoberoon Phoberotaton: That is Death, Sancho, a very ill-lookt Fellow, worse than the Yangu●sians: and this Rawbones demands of the poor old fellow, what he called him for. The man looking up amazed, Nothing Sir (said he) but only that you would be pleased to help me up with my burden. So I say, Sancho, and do thou as I say: Let Death alone yet, and saddle me for the Ass; that is, take me, and lay me upon thy Ass, better be a burden then lie here for old Phoberon.  
I do not hold this kind of riding dishonourable.] Sancho you may perchance think it improper to behold me upon thy Ass hanging Wallet-wayes; but if thou didst consider, that I intent after the next glorious defeat, to be for Madrid, and there to accumulate the Order of the Golden Fleece; thou wouldst not much strange that I do beforehand conform myself to the Ceremony, which is the ancientest Order in the world, and indeed was first belonging to the Ship-Knight-Errants, the Argonauts. And as for the dishonour of riding, or rather (as present necessity commands) bethwarting, or overlaying the Ass, know— 
Nay look, O look throughout the world so wide,  
And each one rides the Ass, or th● Ass doth ride.   
But Sancho you may reply, that is uncomely: It is so, if there were no more in i●; but I have been taxed for want of Devotions by Vivaldo, therefore now I will to them, and though it be Kim Kam; yet it is more than hath been related of any Knight-Errant, and I will for future luck-sake cross all my Adventures in this posture, as I lie even cross the Ass, that no Enchanters, Giants, Carriers, or Windmills, may any more prevail upon us, and be assured, that though I do not ad Sydera tollere vultus, yet my pains and moans reach thither, and I look downwards in defiance of all hellish Confederacies, from whence they come: Go on therefore with alacrity, (good●Brother Sancho) for (if thou couldst Prognosticate so well as I, who through all accidents look to the end of my Intentions, and shape them good or bad for that design) thou canst not but perceive thyself already in the very way to promotion, being changed from a rider of a poor Ass, to be the honourable Conductor of Ass, Horse, and Man, to the greatest Castle now in sight.  
So let them go, all in an happy hour,  
Well met Fools, jade, and Ass, One, Two, Three, Four.    

CHAP. II.  
Our Don is Inned again, O cry ye mercy,  
It is a castle with him (as I hear say)  
Three Ladies at a time (all well appointed,)  
Wait on our Knight, who is with Grease anointed.  
To bed he's carried, and without his supper,  
Suppled with Kitchen-stuff from head to crupper.  
'Twas ease and sleep he wanted, take enough,  
Belly and back must not have Kitchen-stuff  
Both at a time; if that his bones were quiet,  
His Belly was nor did cry out for Diet.  
But O the Body that mine Hostess greased,  
Three Women viewed the corpse, and not one pleased.  
Great Bumps and Hillocks in his Flesh arise,  
Like Hills thrown up by Wants, which want their eyes.  
Such fruit the Fine-tree bears, but no tall Pine  
Appeared, or a Top-gallant Masculine,  
Which made my Hostess, and her pretty daughter  
Take little pleasure in him, but of laughter.  
The Asturian wh●re, much like an Africa Monster,  
Came to his bed by chance, but he can't once-stirre  
Ought but his tongue, which brought our Warrior  
Again into the clutch of Carrier.  
Base and unmanly fellow so to do't,  
To tread a right bred Horseman under foot,  
Against all law of Arms, whilst Sancho Panck '  
Doth play the Batt'le on Moll-Tornes Flank.  

TEXT.  
SAncho said it was nothing but a fall from a rock.] Our fleeced Knight, or Knight fleece, not of the Fleece, (unless when he was laid in the Flocks) by Sanchos nimble wit passes for Rupecadente, the Knight of the Rock, not that he fell upon, but from; the Knight of the precipice more properly, or the Knight of the Downfall, or the Knight of Ruin; any of those Attributes or Titles were suitable to the Don and his Squire, the Squire of the Quarry, or the Squire of shrubs, or Squire of brushes, as you shall see every where about stony, rocky, and craggy grounds.  
Made a very bad led for the Don in an old wide chamber.] The uneasines of his bed was nothing to a Heros, that had made the ground his Pavilion. The Emperors of Asia lie on quilts upon the ground, our Don lies upon the ground a-bed, Feathers effeminate, and soft Flocks suffocate; bedcoards and boards are the best flesh-firmers, Consolidating and Contabulating his Body of Errantry into a gum and moving Mummia, which was first made of the Mauritanian Knight-Errants, and thence derived to the Spaniards.  
The Hostess and her daughter anointed him all over, etc.] The Asturian held the Candle.—  
A fit servant to hold it to the Devil. By the benefit of this light they saw Monstrum, horrendum, ingens, cuique est Vn'auris Adempta.  
These Malkins were not so modest as the good Lady Prioress, when the search was made amongst her Nuns for one, who had under that disguise made the handsomest amongst them, horribly forswear herself. And at the last, coming to the person indeed, who was the wicked cause of the breach of her vow, when I say they came to close, and hot-hunt, even to Astyanax to the privy search, notwithstanding that his tied up Astyanax was so fierce (like a muzz'led dog) at the sight of the beauties, and fellow searchers, that he struck Madam Prioresses spectacles off her nose; yet I say, the grave Matron and her fair assistants did not, like these impudent heildings, stare upon the violation of the Conventicle, but with great care, laid their hands to their eyes, and through the crevices only of their fingers, saw (to their great grief, how rash and inconsiderate such vows are upon better meditation and second thoughts. But here was no such encouragements, yet they did Hog-grease his body, and smiled and twittered at the bumps in his flesh, which was like a bruised Pig, (but not so white) splotched all over, or like a mouldy Cheese, where three parts are blue and vinnowed, or like a musty pie. The Hills and Dales in his body wasted her spike-nard extremely: Indeed, he was more fit to have been delivered over to a plasterer, who with a shovel or two of mortar and a trowel, would have daubed up the gaps and Cosmas of his dilapidated Carcase; that done, to a Carpenter to have new planckt him, his muscles were so extended and contunded, that he was not Corpus mobile; after that, to the joiner with him, to shave and smooth the knobs made by the Yanguesian Rockers; and after that, a Mason and other Tradesmen, for he reparation of the Oeconomie of his whole body, which was all out of order, both Timber and Stonework.  
It may very well be said my Hostess daughter, for I have dreamed that I sell from a Tower, and could never come to the ground.] A Tower with Pinnacles I believe, and there she held, for she fell upward. This slut recites the dream false, and in her own person, when it was her Amorosos, the Curate of the Parish, who being often in hopes (and sometimes gratified) with a night's lodging, dreamed that he fell into a Well, where he went down, and he went down, and down, and still down, but he could never come to the bottom; which affright awakened him, and upon the next motion, he moralised his Fable of the Well, and found himself in puteo Sans Fund. Her Dream as it is in the Arabian Copy, was of catching at the Pinnacle, Pinnacle after Pinnacle, as people that are drowning, do any thing they can lay hold of.  
Know then sister, that a Knight-Errant is etc.] M●ntornes is the Monster of this Castle, which I marvel the Don did not (though naked) assault, as Hercules did any living thing, when he run mad in his shirt dipped in the blood of Nessus. She was a more rare sight, than we exhibit at Bartholomew Fair (take in to help it the reaking, sweaty Rouncifolds of Py-Corner too) yet this Beast Sancho calls sister, (perchance both of a litter) she was a sow of the largest breed, if you look upon her paps, and if Circe had lived in her time, she would have used no other Incantation for the Metamorphosis of men into swine, than the strokings of her dugs, which would yield (after she had taken the rennet of a brimming) as much as a Dutch Cow. Upward she was Elephant in head and ears, but not so docile, not so wise as that Creature, nor so serviceable; for then Don Quixot would have absolutely renouncd Dulcinea, and took no other Lady then this, who could carry Castles upon her back, as fast as he could take them. Her face was flat, and very much like an Owls, if not more Oulebie, and her Nose adunck like an overgrown Eagles beak, her voice, and that melodious birds, much alike. Her Belly of a capacity for a Cellar, two Stands of Ale might find room therein, and a century of spickets; yet this younger sister to her at Heidelberg, is enamoured with the name of Knight-Errant, and desires to know more of his nature, which Sancho describes so villainously, (as if he suspected the Dons inclinations) and intended (if their bellies did not deny the Banes) to join issues with her himself: yet take the Description, 'twill serve for Future times as well as these.  
A Knight-Errant, is (as you see) a Creature bruised, basted, swaddled, greased, bedrid and fit to be sent to Madrid, to the house of Bethelem.  
Yet whom, thou seest thus vile to night,  
To morrow is a Prince, or some such wight.  
Sitting up in his bed as well as he could, he took his Hostess by the band, and said.] The Hostess having suppled his joints, that he is able to sit up, Grateful and Graceful man (as she made him) the Lard of Mancha, or the Liquored Knight greases his fat sow, that is, gives her the oil of Mancha; Courtly stuff for hers of the dripping pan. And Ind toro loquitur gravis ursus ab alto.  
Most gracious Lady, so ye have the Laird  
Of Mancha, for no cost of oils you have spared;  
Before I was illustrious, but your kind  
And gentle hands have made me so behind.  
Lend me your daughter's hand, ' I'd handle her.  
Ah girl, art thou a match fit for a Chandler!  
If my hard hearted Queen should vamp to Charon,  
A Boat for her, a Chariot for thee, Fair-one.  
Now by m'e anointed Flesh and Bodies glue,  
(Such Aromatic airs there are but few;)  
I'll stick my Dear to thee, and cling withal,  
As fast as e'er Tantoblin to a wall.  
This said with emphasis, as much as his collected Spirits would give leave, with pathetical looks now upon the mother, than the daughter, than Maritornes. Our buttered Westphalia gave Sancho order to inform them further of his Worth, Country and undertake, and looking for no applause to his Oration, he slid into his bed like a hogshead down a soaped ladder. His bed was full of holes, so that the Flocks broke through the breaches, and stuck all about his fulsome and unguentous Body in such numbers, that he suspected himself to be infected with the swine Pox. That thought, and the fear of a Rat-encounter kept him waking; For he was baited with stronger allurements than toasted Cheese, or rusty Bacon.  
The Carrier and Mary Tornes had agreed to pass the night together; a good wench, if she promised, she kept her word.] This Asturian golph was better at keeping her word then her honesty, and of all words, she never made good her nay, if she could remember that ever she gave a denial. She was true Touch, a word and a blow, say and hold, touch and take, hap, be lucky, strike me handsel, kissing and clipping, laugh and lie down, and hay then up go we. A Lady that very well deserved to be brought to, and attended on daily by two able and lusty Furcifers or Squires of the Body, at that famous Castle called Bridawelia, where amongst Justice Quamdiu's Seraglio, she should work at the merry hemp post, a●d twice a day the foresaid Squires of the Body should Flebotomize her salt Corium, till all the wanton blood flowed out at the lacings of her flesh coloured Waistcoat.  
Don Quixot lay with both his eyes open like a Hare.] A thousand fears, fancies, Chimeras keep our Don not only like a Hare in his eyes, but his brains also; which being as vertiginous as a whirlpool, presented ten thousand whirlygigs, Windmills, and Turne-pikes to his errantick soul; so that by the very strength of Imagination and exalted fancy, he would make sallies in the bed, and sometimes out, and routed all the Flocks out of the dilacerated Tick, which hung about his glued Body, like Bees at a swarming, or flies got to their winter quarter, thousands in a place; he was all over like a hillock of blackberries, or small Toadstools, here and there they were thinner about his legs and arms, like Sheep-dung in a With, if a man may be compared to a tree reversed or unreversed. Quixot is a Mulberry Tree; look upon him now, and you will take him for no Knight-Errant, but an arrant Shepherd with all his Flocks about him.  
While he was thus troubled, the Asturian wench entered the Chamber in her smock, and the Don caught and grobed her smock, etc.]  
Fumidoque supervenit Uglee,  
Ugly Torneadum fuscissima.  
Whilst the Don with his Flocx-crump-shoulder was acting Richard the third, in comes this, not Ghost of jane Shoar, but of the very Common shore, the Quintessence of Tantoblins Field, and is the nasty prey of his high employed thoughts, raised for the embraces of the Lady Quintanonia, and supplied by the Lady Pentassle, or the fulsome Lady Boggardina: whom, as soon as he had encircled in his Arme-twigs, he might have roared out upon, as loud as the gentleman of the Ins of Court, who coming out of the country on a night, when the boggards were to be cleansed, and having no notice that the place was unplankt and laid open, being called thither by an expellas, extrudas, exenteres, ne admittas, a writ in that case very necessary, fell into Cocytus amongst the pickle, he came to augment, where floundred extremely and uncouthly accoutred, yet he resolved to call for no help till the like mischance ensnared some body into that enchanted Castle, which was the first that ever was made under ground. At last a stranger (who with good Ale, had mellowed and lenified his intestines) came wadling with a load of Sacrifice to Stercutius, and ready to present to Cloacina, fell into the Arms of his Signior Yeoman Feuterer, who overjoied more in his companion then the place of meeting, swore, and art thou come? Welcome to the Wedding Dios Diablos! the place, the fall, the squash, the hug, the Salutation, and intolerable Incense, did so confound our Votary, that he could not contain, but uttered Grobian returns for the kind entertainments of his friend Marius, in the Lake of Minturdum: Who, after his belly full of laughter, cried out for help, which suddenly came, and in an instant they were dighted, and came cleanly off, though they went foully on. These were adventures of A-jax, which none but these two Knight-Errants (for they missed their way) ever attempted, except our Father Ben and his Argonauts, when they vent'red in an open an untilted whirrey, through the Common shores of a springtide; but how they escaped the dangerous gulf of Mala Speranza deal Arse-holo, you may read at full, in that most celebrated Poem which is styled A-jakes. But our Don could not distinguish a Tantoblin from a Pancake; but extracts and sublimates out of his Balneo Mariae de Tornes, (whose exhalations were no better than those of a dunghill) the fumes and evaporations of a Civet Cat: For exsensed (as he used to be) and only a man of Phantasie, he conceives on the one side of the Asturian, he touches balm and dissolved gums, when his fingers were in a tar pot, and the smell more odious than that of soap-boilers; and on the other side, for the amorous fool was resolved to survey his whole Quintanonia, he imagines he feels Ginger, Nutmegs, and the cordial borders of Mace, and such oriental spicery, when he was knuckle deep in the bogs and quagmeirs of Old-Lingia, and the bristles of a wild Boar or Porcupine, were more soft and pleasurable than her filthy Furrz bush.  
I could wish to find myself in Terms, most high and beautiful Lady.] Which speech because it is but short, I shall give you in Meeter.  
Lady, whose bodies bright (for aught I know)  
As far as touch can judge, I deem it so;  
How shall I recompense these high shewn-favours?  
How ever re-incense you for these savours?  
I do small out what your good Ladyship  
Would have, by th' applying of your lip  
To mine, that as our sugared lips do touch,  
So other parts (as well) may do as much.  
But our Yanguesian Varlets, Lady trust me,  
The whoreson Rascals have unframed and burst me;  
No limb is sound, no joint, the smallest rustle  
Against my body, vexes every muscle.  
Your pardon therefore beauty, most desiring,  
That I reply not to your dock requiring;  
Besides, and 'twas well thought on by the mackins,  
I have a Lady too, who longs for smacking.  
To you, who only can her parallel,  
For softness, plumpness, roundness, and for smell,  
I may impart her name (there he kissed her,)  
And there he whispered, call her (Madam) sister,  
Sister Dulcinea; were eed not that, no doubt,  
And all my Aches, we would have a bout.  
The Carrier discharged so terrible a blow upon the Knight's jaws.] Jealousy hath a quick ear, and the Don (though he whispered his soul intents) was overheard by the Carrier, and over-believed too, for he verily did conceive that Maritornes had made a pack of the Don, and taken him up Incontinent: wherefore like an errand Stone-horse, (deluded and detained from a leap) he throws about, kicks his consort, her Knight Stallion, and leaps upon the Don, and tramples upon his Valiant Body, and kneaded the Mill-ground Knight, as if he meant to make dough of him. His bed (but that it fell with the weight) had been the softer for it; the Flocks were never so well turned since it was an Inn: the Don was blooded in the mouth as he had been pricked for the staggers, and the Flocks clung to his chaps so artificially purp'led, as they had been Mulberries indeed.  
The wench, seeing her master, ran into Sancho Pancha's bed, who stepped all thus while sound.] If one won't another will, Quiddere blunt qu●th the old Woman to the young man, who complained that his wife refused benevolence; which is the corruption of caeteri volunt. Maritornes expects retaliation from Sancho whom she greased with her own hands, and now would be repaid with oleum Anthropinum Hypogastrio applicatum, or at leastwise if his lamp were dry, she desired shelter under his Abdominous penthouse, till her Master's Inquisition were eluded. But old drowsy pate slept very sound, except that now and then he groaned extremely, being hag-ridden by the Asturians incumbency, who having gathered herself in a circle about his umbilical hillock, she had imagined by her agglutination and natural Incantation, to have raised the spirit of the adjacent coppice. But her Master not finding her with his Lamp and by the fire that sparkled from his eyes, endeavoured to reach her by the ear, calling her by her proper, as well as common name, Whore where? Where whore? where art thou?  
By this Sancho awaked, and feeling that bulk, gave Maritornes many blows, which she exchanged so trimly.] The noise awaked Sancho, now eased of his Ephial●es, though in a swea● an hour after. But his difficulty of breathing was supplied by the motion of his Arms, for he entreated his unknown, unseen, but not unfelt bedfellow, so roughly, and so rudely, that she could no longer brook these unmanly returns for her warm and gentle Bum, and Belly-pats, and defrauded of her hopes, and exasperated by contrary blows with Feminine fury, she multiplied her clod-fists so frequently about the muzard of him, and thumped his hulks hide so vigorously, that she made him bound from the bed, which proved unto her great disadvantage; for as soon as Sancho got up, down went Maritornes, and being cast the wrong way to her desire, Sancho beat all manner of Marches for a quarter of an hour upon her drumme-head so loudly, significantly and perfectly, that it was rare encouraging Music to the three Matachin Combatants, the Carrier, the Don, and mine Host, who continued that tripartite fray somewhat the longer, excited and stirred up by the Marshal sounds and loud claps of her tail, passive and active.  
The Carrier perceiving by the light of the Candle, which the Inn keeper brought, the lamentable estate of his Mistress.] Had not the ray of the Candle betrayed to the Carrier, whose drum beat all this while, poor Maritornes had been flatted in the haunches, (as if she had been beetle-beaten to be laid in a pasty.) Sancho had almost levelled her extuberancies, when the Carrier came to her rescue, and gave Sancho such a sound and expressive souse on the ear, that it admonished and chastised at once his sauciness, for daring to come so near his Mistresses Souse-tub. The Asturian was a stout brand-strops, and though Sancho mauled her Cascoines, till her feathers were about to fly, yet she never cried out for (though the Carrier proved her Man-Midwife) help at her delivery. The Scene of this various Tragedy calls to mind the song of john Dory, personated and well performed by a Company of lusty shoulder-thumpers, who discharged the mutual thwacks so stoutly, that they make a noise, as if they were beating of hemp. The miscarriages of this Love-Scene, turned into a sad and lamentable Catastrophe, calls to memory the story of an Outlandish Peregrine, or Traveller, who having seen most parts of this Nation, came at last to that famous University of Oxford, where being infinitely satisfied with the beauty of the place, the magnificence of the Colleges, the discipline, habit, and order of the Students, and above all the famous structure that was then almost finished of Sir Thomas Bodleyes Library (not inferior to the Vatican) and since enlarged from a T which was its figure, to the from of an H. he did confess abundance of contentment, and resided long in the place, which though he liked very well, yet there was something wanting to him, for the pleasing of Scaliger his sixth sense, as he calls it. And coming from, and having been born in hotter climates, he would use to say, that those Countries were better furnished with she- Nurseries and Seminaries of no Religion, and virtue, than this colder Island: The Pope's Seraglios were very profitable and necessary Refrigeratories for the constitutions of the men upon the place. But one day passing through the street, with his Interpreter, of whom he enquired the name of every place; at his return to his lodging, entered into a Table-book, what instructions were worthy the notice. Amongst the rest of the lanes, he remembered, one was called Seven deadly sins-lane: Which place he marked and diligently observed, that he might find the way thither, (when occasion served) without his guide, which not long after was put in practice, and one evening he repaired thither, and as well as he could in his half English, he required in this Deadly-sinnes-Lane, whereabout was te House of Lust, pray tell me te House of Lust; scarce understood by the Inhabitants; at last he knocks at a door, at which a sharp nosed eager Woman came, unto whom he said, Madam, is dis te House of Lust; of Lust, you rogue, said the Woman? having in her hand a broom-staffe. (wherewith her Husband and she had been deciding the controversy for the Breeches,) and laid it on with that force, that she gave him a broken pate to his broken English; whereat the stranger stood plaguily corrected, and crying her Mercy, that had none of him, said, I be mistake Madam, dis be not te house of Lust, but te House of Wroth. Now apply all; so it fell out out here, Maritornes thought to have made a vaulting-School of this Chamber, and to her abominable grief it proved a Fencing School, where a Prize was played, and she a great part of it, at never a weapon that she liked.  
But the Officer seeing that he, whom he held fast by the Beard stirred neither hand nor foot.] Never had any Knight-Errant such unfortunate Inaugurations at setting forth into the Field of Honour: See, see, how he lies, as if he had finished all his labours in the Repository of Gallantry, flat on his Back in his Helmet; just like the Knight's Templars in their Arms, until this intruding Officer disturbed him, composed in his Coemit●rium, which was an unpardonable affront to a Knight-Errant Dormant, to have the handle of his Face Couchant, so uncivilly treated. But Fear and former pain, keeps the Don politicly Insensible, and stiff, so that his counterfeit death saved him a real kill: For the Officer imagining him so indeed, cried out Murder, which dismissed the three other assailants to their several Quarters, Maritornes worst contented then any, though her haunches were never soundlier clapped in a night before, which shall serve for the plaudit to this Chapter, being one of the merriest in all the Book; and so exeunt.    

CHAP. III.  
Mischief and Love do mix, the Lady's daughter  
Is one while to be dubbed, and then Manslaughter.  
Murder, and tickle me; One Face which keeps  
Two Cheeks, one●smiling ever, another's weeps.  
A Tragick-Comedie of errors, where  
A kiss o'th' lips procures a cuff o'th' ear.  
Tantalean Torture, and Sisyphian  
Apples and stones do play: th' oil and pan  
Now hugged and hagged by an Asturian Whore,  
Then strait way battered by an Enchanted Moor;  
(Or else her Sire the Devil.) Sancho come,  
It is high time to make our Balsamum;  
Go, get me these Ingredients, such as Aeson  
Renewed from Winter, unto vernal season;  
Such as the bearded son of the 
* Aes●ulapius Apollinie imberb●s barbatus fillus.  smooth-chinned  
Father Apollo used and medicined:  
One who had broke his neck in twain with hunting,  
('Tis not so bad with us yet, though we're grunting:)  
And made him new again, another man,  
So like as Lamp to Lamp, or pan to pan;  
Only a name he gave him (as 'twas decent,)  
As I myself have, at this very present.  
This Balsamum ecleped Fierebras,  
All Aesculapian tricks doth much surpass;  
Nor Galen, nor Hypocrates did know it,  
Nor John Pontaeus, he full far would blow●●  
Even into England, where brave Palmerin,  
Had he 〈◊〉 happy, or so skilled had been,  
T'have known this precious dose, nor be nor's horse,  
For all encounters, had been e'er the worse.  

TEXT.  
FRiend Sancho, art thou asleep sleepest thou friend Sancho?] Such kind of Tones as these the Vmbrae use, when they call upon Charon for a Boat. But Hector (nor any of his namesakes since) in such a pitiful case, so coddled ever came to the Stygian Shore, as the Don and Sancho, if before the application of the Balsamum Fierebras, they should be sent to Pluto for a token: For their bodies were bowed and so pliant, that you might turn them upon your finger like a piece of Barbary gold. By the dolours and fractures of their bodies, you may think them below the condition of men, but by their want of meat and no sleep, not inferior to the state of the Gods: — Vox homines sonat. Such a shrill Note gave Abel Drugger, when after a night's expectation in the Privy-house (his gag of Gingerbread dissolved) he was to crave a blessing of his Mother the Queen of Fairies, and her Ti-ti-ties. But our Don and his man were a while among the Furies, though some part of the night he was (but not dancing) with a Pharie, but in the Rings.  
A hand joined to some Arm of a Giant, gave him such a blow on the jaws.]  
This Giant Carrier would have been more merciful to his hand, if he had known, against the jawbones of what creature he so often dinged his fist, and Maritornes likewise would not have endured the adventure, if she could have suspected that the issue of her night's dalliance might have proved a Mule, as by the fireside it would have been very visible, however the partus sequitur ventrem, might a little assimilize it in the Crupper, to the Flanders breed.  
Be not grieved Friend Sancho, I will now compound the Balsamum Fierebras, which will cure us in the twinkling of an eye, etc.]  Hei tibi quod nullis, Amor est Medicabilis herbis. 
Though in those innocent times, Philtrums, Love potions, Nutmegs, suppled (sub Hirco Alarum;) nor the blood from two opened Orifices of Corydon and Phillida intermixed, nor twists of hair, nor legs, nor any other Fascinations were known; yet something of high concernment, and great prefit was discovered, and (as an Ancienter Author hath it of that Nation, than Cyd Hameti Benengeli) by Priapus himself, who was the greatest Herbalist in the World, and the Tutelary genius of all Gardens, and handsome Plantations: This Phutologicall Deity (I say, or rather the old Arabian) being enamoured of a Smith's wife (that was usual amongst those powers) who came constantly to his Quarters, to gather Salads, who looking many times on, and with good liking upon the portraiture of this high-mounted Genius) he understood her meaning (as they say) by her gaping and discovered (by way of recompense for her favours) the Secreta and Arcana Herbarum, which the fond fool revealed to her husband, and he upon his deathbed to his brother, which was the first Catholic King's Farrier; And it is credibly reported by my Arabian, that he chose him a Venus out of the sisterhood of the Mancha, from whom this Opobalsamum as well as the Don himself was traducted, as by his looks is most evident, that he was originally descended, not of the Fabri, (or Fabritii) Lignarii, but Ferrarii; for he did often account himself of the house of Ferrara, and might very well. Thus by many mean conveyances this rare Secret was at last lodged in the Family of Quesadas, Quixadas, or Quixots, as is aforesaid, that's all one: And this derivation I have been somewhat more curious in, because it might be wondered how the Don should come to the knowledge of such a Rarity, and this same search hath not cost me hot water (as they say) but what is more dangerous, it is fetched out of the Fire, and if you please to cast your eye Anagrammatically upon the name of the Balsamum, you will find Conveniunt Rebus Nomina saep ●uis. And Fieribras, though the latter Termination may make it supposed otherwise, yet such ends signify nothing, but the first is material, and shows assuredly that it came from the Fire, or rather men of Fire, who were the Vulcan's of the Times.  
Sir, said Sancho, is not this the enchanted Moor?] Sancho is very much afraid of this vision, the fellow walked like old jeronymo, a distracted Spaniard; And with his Lamp in his hand, as if he were speaking his words; Who calls jeronymo from his naked Bed?  
Negromancers will not suffer themselves to be seen.] Right Don. Negromancy is Deceptio visus: Do you think that Faustus or Vandermast were discovered when they took the Bowl out of the Emperor's hand, as he was about to lift it to his head: A voice indeed was heard, Multa cadunt inter calicem supremaque labra. Nor was Bacon (Roger Bacon I mean, when the Brazen Head thrice spoke) ever seen, or in that study, which until this day is called by his name. But these were great and deep Scholars, and you know the deepest waters make the least noise; your Rattle Heads keep a noise, when your full Hogshead will not sound. You have heard of Gyges' ring, you know Gyges was never seen all that while; and you have heard of Gyges his Lady, nor was she seen ever at the running of the ring, except when her over uxorious Husband showed her naked to his prime Favourite, who ashamed of the spectacle, never left till he got opportunity to cover her nakedness.  
Is it the custom of this Country you bottle-Head, to use Knight-Errants after this manner.] The DON had a plaguy wit, and guessed by his head, what employment the fellow was of. Now, whether he meant of those sort of Bottles, where Duke D' Alva's Face is so eminently fixed, is a question? but I believe not, for it proved a head, as it had been of Bottle-Ale, for it gave a Bounce (a cruel one, more than of a Cock to the Don) and run out.  
Without doubt, this was the Enchanted Moor quoth Sancho.] He was a Black is most certain, and the Don a blue, if not both: But this was the most charitable wound that the Don hath received in all his Adventures; For 'tis true the Lamp gave a shrewd cut, but it broke, and the oil ran presently forth, and was the cure in an instant.  Vulnus opemque tulit. 
Procure me some Oil, Wine, Salt, and Vinegar.] Train Oil, dead Wine, Base-salt, and the Lees of Lombard's made up this decoction. I do wonder, that in all his sudden accidents, the wholesome cure of Piss and brown Paper was never discovered to him, nor his Squire Sancho; which if he had known, it had been of great consequence to him, and because it was frequent with him to Urine (being much given to Horseradish, Garlic and Fear) which are all Diuretical and cleansing, and he himself for the most part musing; (that is to say in a brown study) He was seldom without the main matters, and as for the wounds, not a day scarce or an hour without them. But this is only for Knight-Errants at hand, but the Balsamum is for the inward Contusions, as you shall hear anon.  
He put this precious liquor into a tin oilpot, and said over it eighty Pater-nosters, Aves and Creeds.] The Tin oilpot did very well concur to the cure, for his pate being but lately broke by a Lamp-panne, (which was of the same metal) that being broke, spoiled, and uncapable, the experiment might be made upon a pot that was coaetaneous, and of the same make with it: So by application of the Balsamum to the very Sofia-tinpot alike effects might follow, as usually doth Unguentum Armarium, and it might very much conduce to a speedy cure, helped and assisted as those remote Agents must be, Per genium mundi, & volubilitatem Atomorum & virtutem Sympatheticam. The eighty eight Pater-nosters, Creeds, and Aves, were only these few Latin lines under-wrote, which were the Charm, and virtuous operators of the grand effects in the Balsamum. I do not believe, that he would use such holy Forms and Ceremonies, and signum Crucis too, for a Thing made at the best, but for a Creature with a star in the Forehead.  
Neptune Pater Equorum,  
Et tu Sol, qui tenes lorum;  
Quadrupedum ignivomorum,  
Fac ut ego, qui sum Coram,  
Vis vibicum & Dolorum,  
Futurus Domitor Monstrorum,  
Protector hominum, horum, harum, horum,  
Vi●ûm, Mulierum & Orphanorum,  
Per hoc Balsamum, Opobalsamorum.  
Invulneratus posthâc transeam,  
Prim-as Militum Errantium.  
This is to be said or sung, and round about the Oval, for he had these Incantations in a cycle, (besides that of his head, which was of the greatest Capacity, spherical and whirri-call) and about the border of his Annulet, these words wrote in a great Character.  
Octogintos octos per haec verba,  
Benedicetur quaevis herba.  
This indeed mystically pronounced, and looked 88 times, (which is the Spanish Mode of Incantations,) the simples receive their wondrous virtues, and did operate very much upon the Knight, who was one of the simplest in the World, and therefore the most capable of cure by them.  
And having taken the dose, he slept two or three hours.] It was very improper, and unartist-like done in Sancho, to permit him to sleep, and showed that though most men would be counted Physicians, he laid sure hold upon the other part of the division. Sancho should have rode him about the grounds, or run him a hand-trot in the hay tallet, which was the usual custody of those, to whom it was first administered, and then tied him up (well clothed) to the Racks, and some three or four hours after, refreshed his sweated body with a mesh. But had not the Don been of a stronger constitution than that creature that used thus to take this Physic, a Body of Brass indeed, this Balsamum Fierebras had dissolved this magnanimous person at the first experience; what did not this fetch up? something of every thing, and it was strange (but that his heart was great and could not get through the Isophagus) that it came not up with the rest; Much undigested Poor-Iohn and the Goat, came skipping back faster than it went down; the Iron Cheese made a horrid noise, (as if the Mills had been in his guts,) Sancho with the aid of his fingers, could hardly get out the roapy stuff that stuck in his throat: After this (for the Basins were shifted) came up all manner of colours, an odious and filthy consistence, which were the collections of the many bruises (now matured into a putulent matter) got by the Windmills, the Yanguesian pack-staves, and the late kneading of his Chamber-fellow, the Knight of the Herculean Foot, and Briarean Hands, even Maritornes his Gyant-Carrier; whether he had the Pulvis contusionis amongst the ingredients, I know not, but it wrought as if it were, and the Balsam deserves a new name, more sounding, ample, and full befitting its own virtue, and the Don's quality, and let it in an happy hour be named, Panc●ymagagon Fustifugum.  
Which for the capacities of those not skilled in the Latin Tongue, and that juniores may understand, call it in plain English thus, 
The Medicine Catholic,  
Against kick, fall, and stick.   
Sancho desired leave to sip up the remainder of the Balsamum.] Sancho perceiving his Master cleansed and clear, (for he was as gaunt as a Hawk after casting) desired a Dose for himself, which his Master very willingly did condescend unto: And Sancho, like the wench that desired to be used well by the Apothecary upon her Recipe, had so much given her for God's sake by the knavish boy over and above the prescribed quantity, that she wished upon the return of it, that the Devil had taken him for his courtesy. So Sancho very liberally drenched himself, but as Physic is not alike to all constitutions, as the French Doctor said; if te Body be full of gross humours, and that it operates excessively, all the better for dat; and if the Physic do not stir the Patient, 'tis a good sign that de gross humours are not in te body, and so all te better for that too. So our friend Sancho, having a tough and tenacious stomach, and that was not used to part with any thing it had once received (unless (dog fashion) upon condition of Resumption,) laboured to digest it, and turn it into nutriment, which verily had been effected, had the Dose not been over-proportioned; which put the Squire into such an Agony and maw-Convulsions, that he thought his soul had been transmigrant and Errand from his Body. At last gathering all his expulsive faculties together, and setting his hands to his sides, at the first reach he threw out his troublesome guest, and dislodged the Balsamum, which being embittered by his long stay, made the Squire look very sourly, and so distorted his face by manifold writhings, that he looked handsomer (if his countenance could have kept the posture) then ever he did in his life. But he had more motions than one, his backward mementoes came so fast, that he could not mind what his mouth uttered: No Bed-panne was sufficient, nor the Tub for that purpose. He was compelled to advance his Plukes to the Chimney, which he most violently assaulted and battered in such furious sort, that much of the shot recoiled upon his Canon muzzle, which the Asturian with a malkin cleansed, (as oft as the enormities happened) very glad that she had this revenge for the Battle played upon her Maine-Pillian; she ever and anon held his head too, which she bound about with a list taken from her leg. The half Tub began to fill, for up came all his Wallet-thefts, his stomach was like a Fox's kennel, or a Polecats hole, whence innumerable parts of the creature came fluttering out, as if they had been upon wing again. It would have puzz'led a Poulterer to have named the several ransacks of that Oleo. Such a hotchpotch was never seen, insomuch, that the poor Asturian even stifled with the fumes and Nauseae of his filthy Cauldron, could not hold his head nor her own stomach any longer; but kept consort with him, & played her part so well, that she run through all the keys from A-la-mi-re to double Gammut, nor was she only vocal, but her Base Viol went as fast as his, with great danger of breaking her twatling-strings. They made a foul house betwixt them, and Sancho was so stupefied with her continual Cataracts, that he could not hear his own tale, for the bellowing of Maritornes, who reached as if she would have fetched up her Lady-tripe.  
He called the Innkeeper unto him, and said with a grave and stayed voice:]  
High Constable of this large Castle, know,  
I cannot pay you, what I present owe  
For all the favours shown, for the sweet oils,  
Yet fragrant on my wounds got in late broils.  
But chiefly for the Queen's affections,  
And for your Daughters gentle Frictions,  
Never was Knight so handled: Wherefore say,  
(For new Adventures call your guest away)  
Is there a Miscreant who hath dared to blast  
Your Queen or Daughter, as they were unchaste;  
Or that yourself are of no noble spirit,  
(Courteous above almost Knight-Errants merit)  
Show me the Varlet that I may confound him,  
Before I go to fight the world so round in.  
All that I desire is, saith the Innkeeper, that you defray your charges.] The Invincible ignorance of mine Host was very smartly reprehended and punished in the Knights generous and free Goe-by: Teaching the Fool hereafter more wit, who when he demands money of a Knight-Errant, to take hold of his Bridle, or else by the Law of Effugium, or Mittit habenas, he may make his escape good; and there are Precedents enough for it.  
The Innkeeper came to Sancho, and asked his money of him.] Sancho overheard his Master's Reasons for Nonpayment, and from a strong Argument (drawn à paritate rei, though not subjecto) laboured to have convinced the incredulous Host, who had neither Faith for the Reckoning upon their words, nor to the valiant Deeds they were to do. But it was Sancho's misfortune to have a more Indocile Creature under him, and less manageable than the Dons, so that he was left (as always the Ass is) for the reckoning: He urged often, like Master, like man; and love me, and love my Dog: Beside other more true and significant Proverbs; as, Sue a Beggar and get a Louse, Where there is nothing to be had, the Commonwealth must lose her due, The Devil take the hindmost. But mine Host on the other side had his Proverbs too, Touch Pot, touch penny, Finger in Dish, finger in Pouch. Sancho could not deny that the Pot had touched his Master (the oilpot he meant) and he had touched the Ale-pot. But he was impatient, and telling them, they could not without manifest danger and violation of the Laws of Errantry stop him, he attempted to escape.  
The Clothiers of Segovia pulled him from his Ass.] 
O happy, happy Sancho hadst thou been  
If thou wert gone, or ne'er hadst seen this Inn.  For the Cordovan Point-Makes, Scoffers, and Mockers, by their Profession, and Segovian Clothiers, sellers of Blankets, upon one of their strongest commodities lay dis-mounted Sancho, now like a great Bell, at which six lusty Ringers are plucking, and after a Celeusma or two, they raise him, and find him coming, then up they have him, and never give off till they have turned it over & over. Sometime they made him stand an end, his head being flat, very much helping to the posture. Thus you see our Squire Errand is made a Squire Volant, and in stead of the Government of an Island is made a petty Prince of the Air, to whom the Birds flock, as to his Brother Broad-face when he flies abroad in the day time. It was well the Balsamum Fieribras had so throughly purged his sink, otherwise he had left foul signs of his high Indignation in the Blankets. In his Tranation he looked about, and saw under him (though a far off) his Lord upon Rosinante, no bigger than a Toad upon a Bucking-stoole; and the Don beheld in amazement the motions of his Squire, now equal with him in all Adventures, this last paralleling his of the Windmill. But the Don shaking his Javelin over the wall, and discovering implacable rage, and threatening, but not attempting to leap the wall, the Innkeeper gave the sign to the Ringers, and they let the Bell go very Musically down, by lessening their strokes, heaves, and tosses, till they brought Sancho very well breathed and aired to the ground.  
Sancho requested Maritornes to give him some Wine, which she did.] Poor Sancho was as dry, as if he had been visiting the torrid Zone, or passed the Line; a draught of water he would have, but his Master knowing in his great observation, that water will putrify and stink under the Line, would not permit him to drink it, nor yet would Sancho be persuaded to a dram of the Bottle, no Balsamum goes down his throat, which was as open as a Sepulchre. But Maritornes (all after-claps forgot and forgiven) moved with a Fellowship of his sufferings, risings and fall, helps him at last to a draught of pure Nepenthe, a lusty glass of Claret wine, wherein the dead flies looked like the wholesome Clove, and because he should be sure to have no more risings in the stomach, she powder-sugared it with a little burnt Alum, which she crumbled into it, and stirring often, said, partner in affliction drink, drink it up, the deeper the sweeter, parting with Sancho in the very same proverb, as she hoped to have lain all night with him.  
Now Sancho, switch and spur, and curse the hour  
That brought thee to this Castle without Tower.    

CHAP. IU.  
Freed of the Castle, he is hurried on,  
And finds the Pagan Alifamfaron,  
And good Pentapolins o'th' naked Arm,  
And both their Armies ready for Alarm;  
Then making ready amongst the thickest rout,  
For the fierce Pagan Prince he seeks about,  
Enraged and madded; the Mahometan  
Cannot be found: The Battle he began  
Amongst the Infantry, ne'er fight was hotter,  
For all the Sheep appeared to him as Trotters,  
Which he hewed down apace; but the dust smothers  
(No quarrels are so fierce, as those of Brothers.)  
The Don, both face and eyes, he knew not whither  
Rosinante ran, but trod down Yew and Wether;  
The Shepherds at this Wolf on Horseback wondering,  
Caught up their slings, and with good stones they thunder him,  
And plied their work so nimbly, that his Coasts  
As well, as he their Muttons, they rib-roste.  
And did so batter too, that a stone hot,  
It was apparent, he was gone to th' Pot  
Of Balsamum, to raise his wasted spirit,  
But with a lucky hand as sling did e'er hit;  
The second stone did break the pot of Balsam,  
And on the ground (for there I'm sure did fall-some)  
Lay that same holy Liquor, and four grinders  
Of his Cheek Teeth: From which God bless the finders.  

TEXT.  
DON QUIXOT would have revenged, and Sancho would have avenged the injuries of the Blanket.] Revenge is sweet, and the Don and his Squire never pardoned any, but those they could not beat, which was enough for larger bowels, (and theirs were of the largest too) but not of Mercy, that you should see. This known cruelty in them, made them terrible, and feared where ever they came, and those who stood out should be paid, (except Enchanted Innkeepers) was known throughout all roads: So upon their approach, Castles were surrendered, Ladies submitted, Giants capitulated, Armies treated, Hostages were sent, (but none ever returned by the Don,) Kingdoms entered into Leagues and Confederacies with Quixot and his Squire, as secure, as if all the Knight-Errants Seals in the universal World had been to the Articles. The Catalogue of his Associates, Friends, Auxiliaries, with the frames of all demolished places, Pillories, Privy-houses, Whipping-posts, old Barnes, haunted and forsaken Houses, besides Baudy-houses and Pigsties, are all to be seen at the Mancha, every Festival that is kept to the Don; when as at a Bartholomew-tide the Fights and Travels of this great Knight-Errant are to be seen, and himself represented (for these honours came after his death) to the life, by Timotheo Reado of Tiveri-ae, who was the most incomparable mimic upon the face of the Earth.  
The men whilst they tossed me had proper names.] Peter Martinez, a very able man of his hands as was in all Spain, and Tenerio Heriander, not such another in Madrid, at a living or dead lift, and john Palameque the Deaf, was the Innkeeper, which defect, whether it were natural or politic, is much doubted, but it held him surest and longest at the reckoning, when any thing in the Bill was questioned; he had been in his younger days bred in Holland, which is the best place to train up an Host or Hostess to Austerity in the reckoning. All To Mall is the word, and irrefragably 'tis stood too. These were the Worthies, which mounted Sancho higher than into his Ass, and whose names could he have ●wrote no doubt, but he would for the high favours they showed him, have put them into a Book, whereas now he is forced to give them entertainment in his head, which was a very bad lodging, but yet too good for the guests.  
Ever after the defeat of the Biscaine, we had blows and more blows, cudgels and more cudgels.] He might have gone a degree farther; for as I take it, the last basting will admit of three, Yanguesian positive, Gyant-Carrier comparative, Oyle-panne superlative; he exceeds plus plurimum, and I too much fear, that there must be a Climax made in the Grammar, for his beat could not be declined by the old rule, but we must necessarily allow of a super-superlative, and a hyper to that if need require. Sancho hath his Tole-Booke too, I mean his memory, and it is the best Register: Multa Tulit fecitque puer, sudavit & alsit.  
That hits him pretty well, but that of Virgil's upon Aenaeas more pat; Multum ille & terris jactatus & alto.  
Both which must be rendered into our Mother tongue, because they do (but too succinctly) express most of Sanchos sufferings, but especially the last.  

The first verse rendered.  
Much did they suffer, but what did they-much,  
When they were boys at Trap, or slatter-pouch;  
They'd sweat until they stank, and then catch cold,  
The aches are not off 'em now they're old.   

The second verse rendered.  
He may be which you please, Master or man,  
Who in their suffrings, them difference can;  
From place to place, like unto Rolling stones,  
Gathering no moss, but banging to their bones.  
And tossed aloft by the stern Windmill Quish-ot,  
Sancho from Blanket, cause he paid not His-shot.   
Which belonged to Amadis de Gaul, when he named himself Knight of the burning sword.] That Amadis de Gaul had such a sword is probable, for he might have occasion to fetch it from the Cutlers red hot, especially if ever his Squire's Horse tired, it being as present a cure as ● hot spit. But if ever he had a true one, it must be made and ensampled by that of Chinons of England, or the fool transformed, for by both those names that Knight was ever remembered. This sword, by some privy to his Testament, was ordered to be buried in a side of the great Hill Pen-men-maur in Cambro-Britannia, where it was to lie nourished in heat, by the Sulphurous supplement of that Mineral, until one of the most redoubted and Modern Knights in Europe should be born out of those parts, unto whom this sword in process of time was brought; the child scarce able to speak, (like as Hercules grasped the Serpents in the Cradle) grasped as much of it in it pretty fist, smiling, and pleased with no rattles, babies, hobby-horses, or any such toys, but only this burning sword, which as it never burned his fingers, so he never dreaded it; and come to age (Captain jones was this Valiant Infant's name) he gave the sword a name which it will never lose, Killz-adog.  
The Whineard of the house of Shrewsberry is not like it, nor the two handed Fox of john Falstaff, which hewed in sunder fourteen out of seven principal assailants, and left eighth and twenty equally divided bodies in the Field, all slain while Shrewsberrie clock could strick seven; (of the men you must take in.) Upon this new sword of Quixots when he got it, these words were to be seen; 
Sum Quixoti, pro vincere inimicos meos.  
Which is thus in English;  
I am Don Quixots guartha, my spatha,  
With Basket hills, and blade of a Lath-a.   
When Don Quixot perceiving a thick dust arise in the way.] It presently calls into the Don's mind, that great Giant Adriasdust, who had choked many a man, and was only vanquishable by the Knights of the Well, or the Running spring. Wherefore it was time to look to it, for now if ever he was like to come to those deadly words, Dust to Dust;  
As appeared by the Catastrophe of this battle, wherein, though the Don did slay seven Knights of the Curled Fleece, yet he paid for the honour very dearly, and lay speechless, toothless, and witless, and the pillage of the Field carried off by the enemy supperless: Otherwise Sancho Pancha, though the loss of his Wallet very much troubled him, yet with one of these booties, which had been prey and Wallet too, he had rested contented; but now there was no hopes of sleeping this night with a belly full, or in a whole skin.  
Sir (said Sancho) what shall we do? What said the Don, but assist the weaker side.] It was never so, but when this Valiant Knight joined unto it; but the Knight by the Order, was to be on the oppressed party, whereby he was sure to have the worst on't. I believe Sancho would have been Jack of both sides, for he loved a side of Mutton, both leg and the other, as well as he loved his wife, which was rib of his rib. Here was a recruit for the Wallet, but where is the Wallet to be recruited.  Sed vos non nobis, vellera Fertis Oves. 
He that comes to us is Ali-fam-facon, the other at our backs is Pentapolin.] These two Emperors are the mistaken Shepherds of the Country, who served Madrid and the Catholic Kitchen with those droves: What a company of Knights, Giants, Captains and Officers, doth this fantastical whimzy-pate gather out of this Innocent Flock; if ever his head (as when did it not?) had gone a Woolgathering, certainly now he might have had a profitable adventure, especially of entreating the Giants of the Rhodes modestly, he would have been contented with a brace of the infirmest Soldiers, which were the tenderest meat amongst them, and ready to drop into his lap.  
This Knight here whom thou seest in the yellow Armour.] All Virgil's Bucolics will not suffice with names, (nay search his Georgics for help to boot) for the Officers of this Army of Foot: Had it been a Herd of Oxen, it would have afforded greater Giants and more trusty Knights; For Beefs have been knighted, (I mean out of their loins have come Knights,) as Sur-loin and Bevis, whether of Southampton or any Town beside, was of that race. China-beuf● a huge Giant, and with the great Cham of Tartary now at War for that vast secret of the World, the Kingdom of China; The Chinese or Chineteers are the most numerous people in the World, where is there a man that hath a stomach, but is for China-beuf? Rúmpô-beuf & Croppó-beuf are his younger brothers, who have stood to the msot stout Giants in the most sharp encounters that ever were (tooth and nail work as they say,) and made the Cadmeian race of their enemies weary and give over, and with their belly fools too; as you shall read at large in the Chronicles of the Buphagis, which are kept part in the great Libraries at the Bridge Foot, Boars head in Eastcheap, and the Ram and Goat in Campo Fabrorum, which indeed is the chief Randezvouz of the other Army, whose Captains and Commanders the next note shall unfold unto you.  
I hear no Trumpets sound said Sancho, nor nothing but the bleating of Sheep.] Now the other Army is drawn into the Field, which was not of so great Giants indeed, but they were more numerous, and unanimous: For as in Scotch-land they have a word, especially upon the Rout, One and Aw; so in this vast body, if one run, awe run, if one stamp the foot, awe stamp the foot, if one ●ab, awe nab, if one ba, awe ba. He that Commanded in chief, was not, as the deluded Don imagined, not Ali-fam-farom, but Ali-fe-Ramme-Anafaron, who was a surly Sir, an old Soldier, and had kept the field more than any General that ever I knew; His son and heir Rutter-ramme-faron, was the Lieutenant General, Marshal of the Field, grand-Wether, a nimble Officer, who was very rich, though in Field service he was often taken and fleeced by the Enemy, who are a sort of devilish Giants, who infest their Quarters constantly and unavoidably about St james tide, when by great subtlety, and assisted by Negromancers, and I know not how many unhallowed Monsters, they customarily once a year make inroads upon 'em, rather pilferers than Soldiers, and what Soldiers or Officers they catch, they plunder to the very skin, and so casheared, they send them back to their Quarters, as naked and bare as a shorn Sheep, as we say in our English Proverb. Brigadeer in this Army of Infantry, which may well be so called, for they are the harmlessest Soldiers in the World, content with their Quarters in Field in the Summer, and in Winter, with such voluntary Contributions as the Country can afford: For their Brigadeer and Commanders of the right and left wing of this Army are very well liked of every where; no Lord, Knight, Squire, Gentleman, or Yeoman, but are joyed to see them at their Houses and Tables. And such is the great love the People bear to them, that they may quarter with them all the year long; but they seldom do lie upon the meaner sort of the People (though they would willingly entertain them) but at the ablest men's houses, and most wealthy, which is a great ease to the whole Nation where they live; and were it not for that ravenous Giant, who doth without mercy devour 'em, the cruel Woolfangus, they would scarce have a scout or sentinel out in a year, unless it were at St james tide (as I told you before,) when those other Giants, called the Tonsorini, Deglubecanii, Excoriarii, and Lani-furciferi infest their whole body; then indeed the whole Army sometimes is one grand Round, one Court of Guard, and a thousand lie perdue; but such is the unresistible subtlety and force of these forenamed miscreant Giants, (who at first by treachery of their supreme Governor, Pastor infido, were l●t in amongst them) that they cannot prevent this universal pillaging, which they endure the more patiently, because the mischief is foreknown and frequent, and their Brigadeer, whose name at last I have remembered, viz. Costo-magnó-mutton, Racháumutton, and Scapulovin, are now upon a composition of a Tribute of Wool, which they yearly pay, and are by patience and God's blessing (in a month or so) as well fleeced (as we say) again as ever. Rumpaney Kid, a very stout Soldier, is always in the Rear, and was never seen from his station, unless removed by death, and then always one of the same Family, for their known services, succeeds, and by common consent the place is entailed upon them. Unto his care all the impediment of this vast Army is committed, and their Wives and offsprings, who are as innocent as their Husbands, and it is counted a kind of blessing & wealth to the places where they march. Thus was this Sheep-Field Marshaled, which the Don and Sancho saw through the Prospectives of their fingers; but Sancho, a very Woolfangian, was bloody minded, and wished the utter ruin and confusion of these two Warlike bodies. — Animal propter Convivia natum, was all the Latin he had, or cared for, and to express his Sanguinarious Nature, he whispered the Don in the ear so subtly and close, (that Cyd Hameti did not hear it) and protested by the Gods of Mancha, that he wished from his heart, and the bottom of his belly, that every Soldier in both those Armies were dead upon the Turf.  
And so it was indeed.] If ever Knights wits went a woolgathering, ours did at this instant, where a Flock of Sheep are supposed an Host of men, Ramms taken for Giants, Ewes for Ladies, Weathers for Eunuches, black Sheep for Negromancers, Lamkins for Knights Pages, Shepherds with their Crooks in their hands for Enchanters, and pioneers with their pipes for Martial Flutes, the Weathers bells for Drums, and their tail clouts, their colours, their tupping and rutting for the main Battalia, and the Buttons for the slaught ' read bodies, which were innumerable.  
One of the effects of fear, is to trouble the senses.]  Videri facit quae non sunt Timor. 
If this axiom be true, the Don by his own mouth shall be judged, that he is the greatest coward of the two, and that he reprehends Sancho unjustly, who was not distempered by that womanish passion; for he saw really that the Sheep were Sheep and no Giants; but the Don taking Geese for Swans (as we say) Sheep for Soldiers, 'tis a hundred to one upon Sanchos side, that his Master was more timorous pro praesente.  
For all this, Don would not return, but cri' done, on Knights, all that March under the valorous Emperor Pentapolin.] The Knight is as mad as his Enemy, when it is vexed with the ticks, he charges through and through, and routed the whole Body, and made such gaps and gashes in the sides of the assailants, that one Sheep might have leapt through another, till the main part of the Army had escaped through the first Sheep-breach. Never was such a slaughter; here lay legs and arms, there breast and sides, there necks, there heads without horns, there horns without heads, there feet, there rumps; Sire, Dam and Barn, Ram, Ewe and Lamb, lay all in one ruin; the Knight himself like john-a-green, discoloured with the garbage of the Enemy, which he fetched out of the very bowels of them, using the Sheep, as the Romans did the jews, at the sacking of jerusalem, ransacking in their Fundaments and upwards, for concealed Gold and Jewels; but the Don ripped them up, not out of covetousness, but mere revenge, and was so bespattered and bespringled with the Entrails, that a-was more terrible than a Forester, and did so stink of offal and slaughter, that the Crows, Owls, Ravens, and Buzzards flew about him for provisions, as if he had been quarter-master-general for those birds of prey. His word was Pentapolin of the Naked Arm, and looked himself like a Lion of East-cheap.  
The Shepherds unloose their slings and bepelt him, he crying Alifamfaron where art thou.] The Shepherds at last, take heart and stones, and defy this Goliath of the Mancha, who (not afraid of an encounter of that nature) run in upon the great Ali-feramme-Anae-faron, and advancing his sanguine Javelin in the very curled front of him, said, die Tyrant, die libidinous Ravisher, die of the yellows, as thou livedst (jealous and lecherous) so die. Never any more hope to tup the daughters of Pentapolin, or see the naked and goodly leg of the fair Lady Ovesia, or the tender quarters of the pretty, young, and chaste Agnetis, or Agnesia. So fell this buffle-headed Giant by the hand of Don Quixot, who skilled in Astronomy, (as far as an Almanac could instruct him,) struck the Ram in the neck and shoulders, and with one blow (the sign being at that time Aries) severed his head from his body.  
He thought himself slain, and remembering his liquor, he took out the oilpot, which a Shepherd with a stone broke.]  
Saepe prement Deo fert Deus alter opem.  
The Giant of the Tarbox makes the wound,  
The Knight of the good oilpot makes the sound.  
But O the fate! Shafalus his dart,  
Conse●uitur quodcunque petit.  
This Shepherd was some Parthians Bastard, he had so unlucky an aim, he would hit you a bird flying, (and unless an Owl be no bird) he was his marksman now. He stops two gaps with one bush (as they say) with one stone doth Triplex malum, makes three gaps, a shrewd one in the oilpot, whence the remainder of the Don's morning's draught, and drench for his rib-sparre, or split (choose you which) run all out, and a cut on the fingers; but the foulest gap of all, was the breach in his mouth, which the stone did forcibly enter, in despite of his violent detainer, of an high and mighty Guard of Teeth, and a Jaw-bo●●e, as strong as that, with which Samson did wonderful things; the four principal Giants of his mouth fell to the Earth with that blow, his Cheek-teeths, which so confounded our DON, (as if his strength had lain most in his mandibles) that he fell after them upon the Earth himself, lamenting the loss of his Face-frontiers, and conceiting with himself that if he meet not in some good time with the French or Madrid Operators, who can supply him with a new set, his mouth was upon the West side like to be unpalisadoed for ever.  
At the season which Sancho looked in his mouth, the Balsamum wrought, and the Knight disgorged all in Sancho's face.] This was the first meal that Sancho had this day, and the good Knight spared it (as we say) out of his own belly, but Sancho could not keep it, it smel● so strong of the Pantry whence it came, and the odious stench set Sancho's pot boiling, till it run over in such violence, that he returned his Master's full meal into his mouth again, and a second course into the service; they never knew one another's minds better than now, for they uttered them fully and wholly, not a secret to their very heart but was opened, the Knight had all that was in Sancho, and Sancho had all out of the Knight. If their souls were ever so faithful at confession, upon easy Penance, they might very well be cleared.  
Which Wallet when he found wanting, he was re●dy to run out of his wits.] This violent and thorough discharge, putteth Sancho in mind of his Wallet, Animus in Patinis: Which when he saw lost, he wished his head also lost, which he thought was the less damage, for the Wallet held somewhat, but the other nothing, his stomach cried out upon him too, for making such clean work, there was not an egg in the nest, nothing for that boiling Cauldron to work upon. His body in lieu of his Wallet, was like an empty sack; gaping for a replenish.  
But what great Caterer durst take the task,  
To fill with grossest Fare that empty Cask?  
If we could find the herbs you used to talk of.] These exenterations, embowellings, and disgorging▪ made Sancho's appetite like a swine, he desired to be turned a grazing. But what Commons would suffice? a grand Salad of Paradise Garden would hardly fill up the concavities and chinks of the Squire. Greenland in a Tansy, would have been like a Pancake, which he would have rolled and swallowed faster than a Duck doth worms.  
In the nether part you have two Cheek-teeths, and in the 〈…〉 Sancho to his own great joy, recounts the loss of this 〈◊〉 Teeth. His chief adversaries (which so oft put him to the jaw-halt) were dislodged, and never returnable. So that now he rides cheek by jowl, and though the Don was the better Carpet-Knight, yet he thought himself the ●est Table-Squire, and for such an encounter now his mouth waters, which overflowing nothing can stop, but an Inius existens of three days arreare in provisions at once.    

CHAP. V.  
Room for our Hercules! hark how he knocks  
At Pluto's gate, and hath his dog by th' locks;  
he'll drag the three chopped cur from his black night,  
And make him shake his tail in broad day light:  
Death shall not bold her prey, and the poor Manes,  
Fe●r he will force 'em to the Peri-cranes  
From whence they came, or into Birds or Asses,  
Or Fish, which doctrine was Pythagoras●his ●his.  
A Coarse, and Mourners, nothing him aware on,  
(Before the Ghost can get a boat of Charon)  
Is stopped i'th' way to Ceres' son in Law,  
Whom Madam Proserpina doth keep in Awe,  
And Jove Feretrius must wait upon,  
Before he have the Corpse, the will o' th' Don.  
This was a deadly woeful enterprise,  
And showed him full of inhumanities',  
Denying burial to the dead; to these  
Had paid Church duties, e'en to the Clerks Fees.  
Now while the holy Choir in white sur-plices,  
His Requiem sing, in twain their sarks he slices,  
And beats the mourning from the heads of those,  
(Who watered not their hoods) they call the close:  
This only Field be won, and bravely vapours,  
Whilst Sancho robbed the Sumpter by the Tapers.  
Choler in stomach raises canine Fury,  
They're for the living, let the Dead dead Bury.  

TEXT.  
MEthinks (Sir) the mischiefs that have befallen us, are punishment for the breach of your oaths, of not eating bread on a Tablecloth, or sporting with a Queen.]  Securi de salute, pro gloriâ pugnant. 
Now that they are free, scot-free I mean, for that was al● the liberty they had, as to reckonings, only they begin to be wanton, and to wit it one upon another.  
Sancho imputes all his shrubbing to his Master's perjuries, 
Alive peccat, alius plectitur,  
Delirant reges, plectant●r Achivi.  
Knight-Errant Feasts, and wantoness in desire,  
And he is beat by Proxy, by his Squire:  
That's I, Poor Sancho Panch● called, or P●nsa,  
Poor I confess, but honest no man can-say;  
For how can Man live just that wants relief?  
A beggar Master, makes a servant thief.   
Sancho charges (for at these word●charges he was very tongue-valiant) the Don, that he did more than embrace that nasty Quean Maritornes, and Knight-Errants are like Al●bymists; if they be not chaste, godly men, the work will fly in Fu●a. 'Tis true that he did eat no meat on Table clothes, which was the other part of the oath, yet that was not kept in sincerity and simplicity as it ought to be, but out of mere necessity, because they had nor meat nor nappery. And whereas he was to have abandoned linen as well at Bed as Board, he had violated that too; for he lay in a pair of sheets, (though they were course and nasty) that a dog would have made choice of the chimney corner, rather than rolled in; And so multiplied perjuries, multiplied punishments. Your sporting with Maritornes was returned to you in the shrewd earnest of her deluded Carrier, and the yearning of your bowels, with the kneading of your guts: Your forgetfulness in lying (though in fowl sheets,) was recompensed with a foul blow with the oilpot, where you lay for dead a long time, what with the grease my Hostess bestowed on you, and the overflowings of the Lamp, prepared for the Grave, without any further Ceremony of Supreme Unction.  
The Don replied, thou mayest likewise think certainly, that for thy non-remembrancing of me, that of the Coverlet was inflicted on thee.]  Facillimum est accusare. 
But the Don Grammet-confuted Sancho presently, with his Te ipsum intueri oportet qui alterum incusas probri; And emblematically brushed him, (though at this time without his Wallet) canvasse thine own Wallet friend Sancho, and bring that part of the budget before, where thine own crimes should lie, and throw not thy proper Errata behind thy back, (as they are used to be put at the latter end of a Book.) I am criminal for embracing the Illustrious Dulcinea, for so my fancy represented that Fustilugs unto me; I was only a trespásser in wish (a small Peccadillo that, Sancho) but had she been there in person (with all the witchery of Love and Beauty) I tell thee Sancho to my grief, I tell thee, I could not have said boo to the Goose, that is, I could not have played the par● of a Gander, the multitude of my sick Feathers making me unserviceable, which the Civilians term frigidity quoad hanc. But Sancho, thou hadst the Asturian Donzell● betwixt the sheets, which sight the most favourable Judges of actions, even Whores and Bawds if they had seen, they would have said you had been naught: To come to a corporal contact, (say the same Civilians) is the next gradus or step to a Falathras; and the Falathra is the Falathra Sancho, that is all in all, and what ever thou and the foul puss did do (sub Rosa as they say) while you were plucking of her Rose; I am sure by the plaudit and claps at your ingress or egress, it was a sign that you did your work well. For which levaltoes and Incontinencies of the blankets, (for indeed thou hadst no shee●● I remember well) the exaltations of the Coverlet, and thy manifold risings and fall in that Horizon, befell thee as a just recompense; and what thou didst privately and unheard, (except in the loud salutations of her Pone, or Canopus,) which was able to have set any flesh as well as hairs an end; it was openly revenged, thy Body being visibly purged in the open air, for thy fulsome wickedness in a close room; and because crying whore first▪ rather bespatters another, then clears one's self, they concluded this bitter dialogue of accusations, and each man took upon him as concerned him: The Don (as his due) the precedency in the perjury; Sancho as in the Frontispiece, kept not such a distance, but that he might very well be an Accessary, if not hail fellow well met, especially in all the pilfer, Hedge-robberies, Debenturs, at Inns, and Farrier's scores, for drenches for themselves and Horses, besides nails and shoes, which in the many years▪ Travels of the Don, came to vast sums of money, and do lie a● this day, a charge upon the Manchegans, (for the Don died insolvent and intestate, unless it were such a Will as Diego made,) but a composition being made with his Creditors, upon the Auditing of the several Bills, the Villagers took upon them the payment of the debts (a small time allowed them, and agreed upon by Article of some two or three thousand years for the performing of it.) The Corporation having nothing for their Security and Indemnity, but the Reversion of Dulci●nea's Jointure, who they say is not yet dead, (for such a one no man can say was ever living.) And so the Account stands copia vera, with a concordat cum Originali, sworn by two of the most reverend of the Senate of the Mancha, and subscribed in great letters, 
Gualtero Tyleros,  
johannos Stramineros.   
Sancho beholding the Torches, and the Visions in white and block habits, was struck into a wonderful amazement, and his Lord was not much better.] A burnt child dreads the Fire, (saith the proverb,) but the truth of it is, that the Don and his Squire were never parabolically basted, but literally in the very common notion and acceptation of the word. And this encounter at the first view, did presage more danger than any yet, here being the greatest number of enemies, except in the adventure of the Flock, that ever they met with; besides, it was like to be nightwork, and Sancho had bad eyes, and could no● tilt well by Candle-light. His Ass also as well as Rosinante, stared and grew wilder at the approach of the lights, than the Windmill, for they had been acquainted with that adventure, and had gone the rounds, often employed by Molendinario, The Giant of the place: Wherefore Reader blame not this Tertian that is upon them at present, for indeed they were seldom out of a Quotidian shaking. But now it intermitted, vomiting in principio morbi being the best Physic for it, of which they had their belly full, (if that may be said without a bull;) but considering they did bucket and discharge on into another, (like two cunning gunner's, who shoot so direct and level against one another's muzzles, that they send each one's ball back to the mouths of the Canon from whence they came, and make bullets Sea-Crabs, and teach them to be retrogade;) In that signification, I say, they may be said to have disembogued their belly full. But to the note; the horrid fright they are in, calls to mind a pair of Spirits of equal match, who like Sancho and the Don, or rather like two cakes of Size, or trembling Custards, are put into an Ague with apprehension of their sudden devouring: But this story which I shall now tell you, is somewhat apposite to this, and near upon a subject. In a Tragedy (that was prepared for the public view of the University,) the Actors were privately to be trled upon the Stage, that upon the insufficiency of the persons, or unfittednesse, the men might be changed, But two Scholars there were in this Spanish Tragedy (which was the story of Petrus Crudelis) whose parts were two Ghosts or Apparitions of some Noble Personages, which that Bloody Prince had Murdered. These two at the Repetitions spoke their lines very confidently, insomuch, that the Judges thought they would be very good Ghosts; but when the trial night came, that the Play was to be presented to some few friends before the public exhibit, and then these two Scholars were put out of their blacks into white long robes, their Faces mealed, and Torches in their hands, and some flashes of Sulphur made at their entrance, just as they put their heads through the hangings of the Scene, coming out at two several sides of the Stage, they shook so, and were so horribly affrighted at one another's ghastly looks, that no force of those behind them, could get them to advance a foot forward toward the stage, or speak a word of their Parts; but there as they first stood, they stood for half an hour shaking, quaking, and staring one upon another, Insomuch, that they put the Auditory into such a shaking with laughing, that they had almost died with the excessive motions of the Diaph●agme. In fine, the Ghosts retreated, and other two Persons of better hearts were pitched upon, who were such fellows, that if the Devil had appeared (as 'tis said he did amongst Doctor Faustus his supernumerary fiends) they would not have been afraid at the sight.  
Sancho with leave, departed a little out of the way, and discovering many white things, so that his courage abated, and he did chatter with his teeth.] The Don cries out, willing to save his Squire, Heu fuge (nate Die) teque his (ait) eripe Flammis.  
And imagining himself to be Hector's Ghost (as he was not unlike at present) he proceeds in his own person, 
— Si Pergamon dextr●  
Defendi possint etiam hâc defensa fuissent.   
As to the first being, it was for Sancho's honour and preservation, we shall give you this account in English: 
O fly my highborn Squire, borne at high Noon  
Under a hedge, in sight of open Sun;  
I see of flames thou mayst be well afeard,  
Keep off therefore, for thou art a hedge-bird.   
And as for the other, because there is more in that, we must enlarge out Translation, for Pergamus (infelix Urbs Troum) Pergamon gignit. Where you see Pergamus, you may see a City which is more than an ordinary Verse, and therefore must be said, 
What makes thee shake, what makes thy teeth to chatter?  
Art thou afraight or frighted? what's the matter?  
Thou mak'st me tremble at they flesh-quake, Pancha,  
Look on thy Don, the Shakespeare of the Mancha,  
Whose chief defence I am: The undertaker  
Of all Heroic Actions, though a shaker.   
Indeed the Don could not chatter so well as Sancho, because of the loss of his Cheek-teeths, but what he wanted in that Music, was supplied in motion; for his Carnimotus was so violent, that he had like to have thrown Rosinante down, being all in a sweat, as if the Hag road him. The singular knacking of Sancho's teeth, puts me in mind of a strong fancied man, a Scholar, and a good Trencherman, who was invited to a great Feast, (which was the next day prepared) and some of the principal dishes being related to him, (for he was always inquisitive upon such occasions, into the bill of Fare,) he liked them very well, for they were very agreeable to his palate; and for better enabling himself for the tooth-encounter, the day before he walked methodically, eat slenderly, drank cauteously, and went to bed seasonably (being excellent preparatives for the next day's action.) But O the mischance! he was no sooner in bed but asleep, no sooner in sleep but dreaming, for his heightened fancy presented all the Catalogue of the dishes to his soul, as lively as if they had been at Table; so that it wrought real impressions and impulses upon his body, to the motion of his hands, which he managed, as if his knife had been in it; but above all, his Teeth out-travelled Sancho's, and went such a swift trot, that it waked his Chamber-fellows, who thought by the noise that he was dreaming he had been in Hell; wherefore about to rise and wake him, they were suspended awhile by his words, for ever and anon he said, Sir, Sir, Sir▪ pray hand the Spring of Pork to me, pray advance the Rump of Beef this way, the Chine of Bacon, O the Chine, with your leave the Chine, Sir, and then the first dish again Sir, and in his Compliments, his Teeth kept Minnum and Semibriefe time so excellently, that the persons resolved to wake him, did lie down and laugh, wonderfully pleased to see their friend so singularly contented in the same instant at bed and board. The Scholar waked after a sound sleep, but could remember no sport that he made, nor would he believe the Auditors relations, until by woeful experience, he found his Face swelled, and his Gums so battered and bruised with the repercussions of his grinders, that he was not able to stir his jaws, nor could be partaker of any of the good cheer, except it were the liquid part of it, which they call Dutch gleek, where he played his cards so well, and vied and revied so often, that he had scarce an eye to see withal, his guzzle rec●npencing abundantly the want of his Teeth.  
It figured unto him that the Litter was a Bier, wherein was carried some slaughtered Knight, whose revenge was reserved for him.] I wonder that Cyd Hameti Benengeli, did not venture to tell us whose body the Don fancied to be there. It must needs be, that his high imagination ran upon some eminent Person, or else he would not doubtless have undertaken a design of so much hazard and odds, and without the second Ship of Sancho, who came not in at all, but only to the pillage; certainly he could not but conceive and strongly apprehend, that the Body of that Famous Knight-Errant and Traveller, Tom● Coriato, was carrying home to great Br●tany, being slain by that grand Giant of Hildeberg in a single Duel, and being dead, was (that the Murder might not be discovered) said to be the Valiant Knight of the Stand or Stoop; or it may be he did, and very patly, conceit, that the Body of Gulilmo Stivos, whom we called Summers, was conveying away, who was the Knight of the Sun, or rather Colo-Paltono, the huge Giant, Brother to Capitanio jonesio, who both were Knights of the Burning Pestle. If none of these, without doubt, he must needs intend the rescue of that gallant Man of Tooth-action, Don Mariotto, Knight of the Inasswagable Panch, whom those Enchanters, Moors, and Witches, the Mourners and P●aeficae, and the singing-men, whom he absolutely took for white Devils, had cozened up unvindicated until this present hour, when a high revenge was to be inflicted by DON, Repairer of injuries.  
He said, stand (Sir Knight) who ever you be.] The Don buckles to the Van of all the Army, and assaults the first pitiful Scou●of this lamentable Body, whom he should have quaeriedin this manner, and in sober sadness demanded of him, First, why his Nose run so fast? Secondly, what a whining he kept? Thirdly, whether he meant to lose his eyes because he should never see his friend again? Fourthly, why his friend, who was out of sight, might not as well be out of mind? Fifthly, whether he grieved so, because his friend had left the World, or rather had left him nothing but the wide World? Sixthly, whether his mourning were a legacy, or upon his own charges that he wept so? Seventhly, whether the man died mad, (if he made him Executor,) and he feared that a caveat would be entered against the Will, and in fine be overthrown? Eighthly, whether he died and gave no Sugar-Plums, Naples-biscuit, burnt wine, Ribbons, Gloves, nor Scutcheons? To the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 interrogatories, nihil dicit, nor to a hundred more such examinations. For, 
Curaeleves loquntur, ingentes stupent;  
He was a hireling, and commanded tears,  
Not for his grief, but pay, in's eyes appears.   
The Mourners were so muffled in their weeds that they could not stir; so that Don Quixot without any danger to his person gave them all the Bastinado.]  
He had the better of the whites in this chequered board, now have-at the blacks; the singing men were at Dirges, and howled out for a Requiem for themselves, being departed souls, and scattered up and down the Face of the whole Field, who affrighted now (but in their wits they were Fatui) are only Ignes Fatui, and 'tis wonder that Sancho did not follow 'em up and down the Chase, instead of Will with the Wisp, or Gyl burnt tail. But the Don out of all rule was measuring Spanish cloth by the spear, and meant to make prize and booty of it all, for it was sub hastâ It was a dismal piece of nightwork, and worthy the pencil of a Zeuxis. Here and there lay the pitiful spoils of the Knights of the black-robes; Ribbons (good twelve-penny broad) hacked as small as beauty-specks, Gloves cut into thumbstals, Cypress harbands shrivilled into black chitterlings or— Scutcheons flew in the air like paper-Ravens, (for Kites are not black enough,) so that the Field was all a black Heath, and Rosinante embossed in the pursuit, never went prouder in all his life, treading all the way upon Spanish cloth of twenty shillings a yard. The Passengers of the several ways, imagined they had been Fairies a horseback, and that the Knight, the Queen's own eldest son was running the Rounds after his Lady Mother for a blessing.  
All this Sancho beheld marveling at his Master's boldness.]  Aut meus Erasmus est, aut Daemon. 
Either this is DON QVIXOT, or the Devil himself quoth Sancho, who is come to carry the body to the fellowship of his soul.  
I do believe the devil's in my Master,  
who ever basted was till now; Now's baster.  
Or thus; For Erasmus will bear it:  
O see the man that was the Mouse,  
Become a vermin Montanous.  
Do not kill me, for you will commit a great Sacrilege, I being a licentiat, and receiving the first orders.] This Licentiat was of the lower Form of the Levites, he had newly come from his 
Quò vos? ad Glosteros.  
Quid ibi vos? ad sumendos orderos.  
I bimus nos cum vos? etiam si placet vos.   
He had no more Latin then the Missale, and that not in Capite, but by book. This fellow was to sing in Tone, and no matter for Accents, Quantities and Terminations: The Latin Tongue never suffers Purgatory, but in the singing men's mouths, which I wonder the Pope hath no dispensation for, at least a Dirge for the Tortures of the Catholic Language. His Person however is sacred, and his calling religious, though it were a high shame that such a piece of gross ignorance, should have protection under so holy a shelter. Take him out of his habits and set him in a Market, and no man but would prefer a Tinker before him, or give more for a Calf, flesh for flesh, brains for brains. Alive he was in his clothes five pound a blow, but out of his clerical vestures, not worth so much as five sparrows, which is half a farthing.  
Who killed him, quoth Don Quixot? God quoth the Bachelor.] The Don neither feared God, Giants, nor Pestilential Fevers, yet at present his Valour seemed to have some symptoms of discretion in it, he lets the matter alone, nor would not turn Typhaeus and fight with Heaven; just like a brother of the Sword, or a Giant of the Way, hearing (while he was in Travel for a certain season, till the quieting some two or three foolish Hues and Cries and searches were over) that his brother (as he called him) was dead, for the natural brother of him departed, meeting of him in Paris told him the sad story; with great signs of grief, and anger too, our Hector entertained the relation, vowing by all that was holy (things that he never mentioned but at such a Ceremony) that if he would impart unto him, who was the Person that had robbed him and the World of his delights, he would be the apparent and single Vindex and Ultor of his Brother's blood, the Brother requested his patience and dispensation to that point, shrugging and saying, it was too late to look after it, better pass it over in a wise and politic silence, and dissemble the malice for a more proper opportunity of revenge; the other violent upon the Inquisition for blood, and to show his Indeerednesse, pressed often to know the Murderer of his friend: The Brother could by no means be brought about to discover. At which the Bravo seeming extremely perplexed, good Sir saith he, deny me not this honour, let me know the place only, and from thence I will make a hunt, until my curious Arts and Queries have tract out the guilty person, as sure as a bloodhound doth a Thief by the foot, wherefore pray satisfy my affections, as to the place then; the Brother said, Sir I cannot well deny you it, but it had been better buried too, for it calls fresh grief into my eyes, for truly St said he, my Brother was slain, speaking in a very small voice, mincing the words, as the French do Tibi; he was slain I say, at a place by a Parks side, not far from the Metropolis of England; to be brief, he was slain at Teburne. He o'th' Sword, stood as mute as the Don, for 'twas as good and all one, as if God had done it. with the Country, or else the Presse-yard had ended the quarrel; such an answer as this quieted men of greater power, than this Man of Arms. The Constable and all his Watch, who, good conservers of the Peace, one night took a fellow late out, but not out of his wits, for he had been transgressing in the sober sin, with those that rob the brains, but another way then by drinking: The Watch apprehend him, and bring him before the Magistrate of the Night, who with gilded staff, welted and guarded Gown, with wrought Nightcap, looked very dreadful, and asked this noctivigator, where he had been so late, and with whom, and whither he was going, and to whom, whether he was a servant or Master, and many such questions; to which the fellow (for he was a Scotch Man) answered but little; at last, the Constable asked whither he had not got a cup too much, the sinner said, neigh in gewd faith Sir, I he not had one swoop, nor sloop drink this night, deal o' my sall if I have; who dost thou belong to man, say? marry (Sirs) and Ice tell you friends, well ha' you asked, For I serve a good Laird, A Lord said the Constable, what Lord? e'en the gewd Lord of Hosts said the Scotch Man; the Constable and Watchmen stared upon one another, totally ignorant of the Noble Man, and let him go, saying, it is some Scotch Lord or other, I'll warrant you.  
Sancho was otherwise employed, ransacking of a Sumpter Mule.] Pancha had done nothing worthy of notice in this Encounter of the Coarse; now he comes upon the Stage, the Catastrophe of the Tragedy: he took his cue right, and finding a Mule without a Master, summoned the Beast in, and made himself Master of the Mule, and all the provisions culinarie, which were for the upper and lower Regions; he longed for such a prey, very properly longed, for he had a very great Belly, by the Notion of which, he used to send to Taverns, or any place where good cheer was provided, to get a cut of the best, which he never failed of. He had the whole pillage of the Panniers, which were the first fruits of the Churchmen, those he thrust, because they belonged to their Coat, into a Cassock for want of his Wallet, and stuffed the Divinity Habit so full of the Creature, that ●● looked as if the right owner had been in it. It was serviceable after this greasy use for nothing but to preach at a Carnival or Shrove-tuesday, and to toss Pancakes in after the Exercise; or else (if it could have been conveyed thither) nothing more proper for the man that preaches the Cook's Sermon at Oxford, when that plump Society rides upon their Governors' Horses to fetch in the Enemy, the File.  
Don Quixot, otherwise called the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face.] It is usual for Knights and Dons Errand to take appellative names from their successes, places of Birth, Conquest or Favour, as the Popes and great Emperors do sometimes Praenomina, sometimes Agnomina, sometimes both. He remembered on his Holiness, that was called Bonifacius, another Vrbanus, another Clemens, in reverence to those, and Sir-to his own, (for it was a Knight's Face) he styles himself of the Ill-favoured Face, not improperly, nor far fetched. In Latin it is Male-facius, in Latino-Britan, Scurvy-Facius, or Filthy-faciu●, or to make a word proportionable to the subject, (for there was not much difference betwixt Rosinantes and his own) Male-scurvy● filthy-Facius.  
I will upon the first occasion have the Face painted in my shield.] Minerva's Aegis not so terrible, an excellent bugbear to keep little children out of the water with, or to set in one of Cloacina's reservatory, or privy Chambers, where the person in the hardest labour cannot make a worse, or else most pat A Face, to those, only pictured in Nunneries, and that at sight of it, they might superfete their vow, and not only forswear the use, but the very looks of Menkind for ever, unless it be after confession, when they do not show their own faces, nor see their Confessors. Bless the man, for he had very bad looks, a hanging look, as ever was seen.  
Sancho, I believe I am excommunicated for laying hands on a consecrated thing.]  juxta illud siquis suadente Diabolo. 
Still harping upon five pound a blow! had the Don himself been in Orders, (as 'twas impossible to keep him) undoubtedly he had proved the richest man in Europe, upon the penalty of half the money; he had a body would have brought him in of old rents, at least a thousand li. per mensem, which is a very great incom, if it should improve to a rack. I knew a quarrelsome scholar, that used to make his cracked Crown, his debt-book; he was always fight, always beaten, the blows he took pro tempore, and his batterers pro termino. As his purse failed, or pockets emptied, he would have recourse to his hammered Noddle, and straight fetch in a 5 li. which had been posted off a year or two; on one side Debenturs for juggepots, on the other, Arrears for Pewter Candlesticks, (which were for change presently after an encounter) all his skull over, were either open wounds or cicatris'd, Chirurgeon unpaid, and his witnesses, the Tapster, a brace of Drawers, or the wench at Bar, with whom he was always in Fee for a little Sugar at hand; and thus he made a shift to put bread in his head, and furnish the inside, from the injuries of the outside, living not by his wits, but by his pate.  
This juxta siquis suadente Diabolo, is of very near affinity to one of our Sessions-charges, or indictements, our Common Law is as dangerous as Canon shot in that case. Whereas, Quixot of the Mancha, contrary to the Laws of his Catholic Majesty, and the peace of his Realm, having not the fear of God before his eyes, did murtherously, bloodily, and feloniously, (in, with, and by the Advise, help and assistance of one Sancho Pancha of the Village aforesaid, and servant to the Quixot aforesaid) dismantle, rob, and rifle a Sumpter-Horse, and per minas, insultus & Durez, that is to say, with three hard words, un-mule, un-leg, and un-able, Alanso Lopez, ordinary to the fraternity of Nova Prisona, and at the same time took away, besides his wits (which are not valued) a Missale, six Crucifixes, a suit of Beads, a dozen of Indulgencies, as many Agnus Dei's, two Anathemas, and other considerable things, goods and Chattels, out of the pocket of Alanzo Lopez aforesaid, a Tobacco box with a Burning Glass, a Case of Pipes, two ro●ten Nutmegs, and a picktooth; amounting in all, to the value of thirteen pence halfpenny; therefore the said Quixot of the Mancha aforesaid, and the said Sancho Pancha aforesaid, of the Mancha aforesaid, are hereby indicted, arraigned and charged to be guilty in the first place of wit-Murder, in the second place, of several Sacrileges, in the third place, of pilfering; and so we leave him to the Consciences of twelve honest men, and true to do as the Laws in that case require, Alanso Lopez.  
Therefore let us retire to our repast; and to the grave with the dead, let them that live, eat bread.] Grass and Hay, quoth Rosinante and the Ass, we are all Mortal. Eat Mancheat tot Senioli, say Sancho and the Don. While the Jury are kept close to agree about the verdict, the indicted c●y a merry life and a short, he that eats most may have the luck to break the halter: Therefore they fed devoutly, yet without Grace or looking up to heaven, and so sweet every thing tasted, as (a relish being added to it from the manner of the purchase,) that they dreamed not of any sour sauce. The dryer and more crusty meats fell to Sancho's share, who was tooth-proofe, the softer, more putrified and moist, the Don invaded, sighing often betwixt the goblets, for the inability of his Mandibles, and sometimes he would lay hold on Sancho's hands, and say, O Sancho, time was, and not long since too, that thou couldst not have cast me thus behind thee; but if I live by the help of a Coral, it may be, and Heaven grant it, I may rub up a new set of Cadmeian pegs again, or some artificial supply, I will re-indent my mouth, and not see myself Tantalised thus to my face, for want of the most necessary Instruments of life. Sancho was secure of Ember weeks for his life, for beside the miss of his Teeth, much of the Gum and Jaw were dilacerated, that ther● was no possibility of laying a foundation in that ruinous rubbish.    

CHAP. VI  
O for a subtle Painter! were he found,  
To draw tothth' life, th' Encounter of the Sound!  
A Pencil worthy, where d' you think to find?  
Yes from the Wing, if you can catched, o' th' Wind.  
A Canvasse of the purest part o' th' air,  
Such as you cannot see, it 's so thin, were rare!  
Then would I have an Echo at rebound,  
As she makes Capers from the hollow ground,  
Caught, and by cunning Art I would her fix  
In that aire-Table, by some silver quix:  
Deadened by spittle, which being borne i'th' place  
Where Echo lives, does know her doubling face.  
I would have Sancho's ears ta'en at full length,  
As he did stretch 'em in his passions strength;  
And the Don's whole one pricked, and the small pittance  
The Biscaine left, but he paid for th' acquittance.  
Unto these parcels, and ears integral,  
I would have the two Brutes, just four in all,  
Which with the other three▪ and quarter make  
Seven and a dodkin, O how the piece would take  
Especially if in the proper places,  
Were pourtraicted to ' th' life the Iron Maces;  
And Sancho too, with pode disrobed discharg-ing  
Such stuff, as, fo●, you often see a Barge in:  
The vapours in th' ascent, the stuff ●'th ' fall,  
I would delineate, and what's all in all,  
His filthy Buttocks mounted, down his hose,  
And the Don stoutly tweaking his own nose.  
This in a Table rarely done and well,  
Faith, throw it in the fire, if 'twould not sell.  

TEXT.  
AND we shall meet that which may mitigate the terrible Thirst that afflicts us, which sets us questionless in more pain than did our hunger.] It is a great query in the scruple-house of Nature, which a man may best endure, and longest, Hunger, or Thirst, want of Meat, or want of Drink: The Brethren of the Spigot, state the question in the Negative, and lay down for a fundamental, that there is no living without Liquids', no not a day; Ale is their eating and their drinking surely, the Bilbos, the Trout, the Aristippians, the Beereans, the Aleans, the Canareians, and Claretteers, Ancient Philosophers, were all of Consul Bitulus his opinion and practice, and of that able and comprehensive Tholus, and the fair match of Fuscus his custom, according to the measure of that draught, which was — Dignum sitiente Tholo, vel conjuge Fusci. Which was a Goddard, or Rummer, or lusty Bowl taken exactly by Silenus his Can, which was the standard for mornings and evenings draughts, and the whole school (I mean Schola Bibendi) and their asseclae Bibaculorum, Madidorum, & Temulentorum, who are the greatest, and most spreading Sect in the World, follow that way to a drop, whichis called in the most authentic and emphatical word they have, super naculum; amongst these it is an undeniable principle, that vita consist it in Humido, and a drive soul, quatenus talis, cannot last. The intrinsecall radical moisture must be supplied, recruited, and replenished with the extrinsecall liquids, that is, exempli gratid, in the morning with a spherical Tost in a pot of Ale of good capacity, that it may not be resisted, but force passage, and break through all obstructions. Before dinner again, refresh your Lamp, (for it is always wasting) with the generous oil of Sack, nitty, roapy, and razy; at dinner with the same, unless for variety's sake you have an auxiliary and lusty glass or two of Vine de France; after dinner, for you must not have too long intermissions, to your Sack again, Typice, Topice, and Tropice. By the constant and quotidian succours, you provide against the conflagration of the Microcosm, which like that of the greater magnitude, must and will (unless these provident rules prevent it) die of a burning Fever: Wherefore like prudent smiths, have by your Forge, the troffe of water continually, and learn your quantities, for piddling draughts will not do it.  
— parvaeque Aspergine lymphae  
Grandior exurgit, laesus que irascitur Ignis.  
According to the capacity of your vessel, the dilatation of the veins, which if they be large and full, plainly indicateth that a brave flame (which is always extending itself, and enlarging his narrow quarters) plays in the Azure Channel; no small services nor misers glasses will do the business here, nor Pimplico's discharged to the round inthe middle; but a thorough and total exhausting, draining, and swooping the whole vessel, were it as we say▪ to the bottom a mile: According to the example of our friend Bytias in Virgil, 
— Ille impiger hausit,  
Spumantem pateram, & pleno se proluit auro.   
And because I am indebted to you a Translation, I shall clap both the pieces of verses of two several Authors (agreeing so well in the matter) into one Epigram.  
A little water doth incense the fire,  
Drink deeper, boy, and see you fi●'t up higher.  
Somewhat at top is best, when the brisk wine  
Swims l●ke a Coronet round the brims, 'tis fine.  
Bitias begin thy plentiful Carouse,  
And we as thee, ourselves in Sack will souse.  
E●contra, the adverse party, which are sober fellows, the Brethren of the Fange, that would have all conveyances dispatched the old way, by Indent of the Tooth, the Marriotae, Idiotae, Lytherani, Stubbingenses, Woodenses, Cannibals, and Lycaones, such as have the Wolf or Dog in their stomaches, Crosse-byters, Crosse-sitters, Tailors, Gentle Crafts-man, Smiths, and all manner of Antelucan Labourers, who make provision for the flesh, make the flesh their provision. These lay down for their Axioms and Dogmata, Tempus edax rerum; eat at all times, Totos ponit apros. Be not ashamed to have a stomach like a Swine, ede, lude, live to eat, and play for meat.  Cum morte summa voluptas; 
There is no happiness to the Grave, who is always devouring never satisfied, eating even these great eaters too.  
Besides, they strengthen themselves with varieties of learned precepts, such as 
Animal propter convivia natum,  
Homines fruges consumere na●i.  
For nought but to be eat is borne the Creature,  
Oves and Boves must be slain, Man's the Eater.   
Then consider rationally, and naturall-Philosopher-like, consider and compute the many parts, joints, sinews, atteries, veins, bones, skins, parts, similar, dissimilar, Homogeneous, Heterogeneous, spermatick, sanguinary, muscular, guttural, dental, mandibular, etc. which are all to be maintained out of this kitchin-natural, the stomach, by the providore, the mouth, who would think that any Shambles, Poultreys, Newgate-Markets, Cheapesides, Eastcheapes, Fairs, Festivals, Saturnals, Jubilees, are able to satisfy the several Interests, of so many Ravenous expectants, much more, when this Macrocosm is full of Microcosmes, and every one, the least Infant in the universality of men, hath as much to maintain, as the greatest Giant in the World: Wherefore Saturn (the very Lun●ford of the Deities) showed you what to do rather than starve, marry eat thine own Children, 'tis the next way to make a wise child, to teach him to know his Father, as well as if he were in him. Lycaon followed that course of diet, and ever since it hath been practised, Homo homini Lupus, we may eat one another, till there is but one man left, and so the World may end, as it began.  
When Sancho heard these words, he began to weep with the greatest Compassion of the World, and said unto him, Sir, etc.]  
Nos patriam sugimus & Dulcia linquimus arva.  
Have not I left for thee the Onion Beds,  
Scallions and Garlic, which hath stronger heads  
Than any yet we met? and more than these,  
What is more strong, my Mary Gutierez,  
Wife of my Bosom; Sancho Pancha's wealth?  
Who covetous fool, have ta'en a course of stealth,  
May bring me to the Rope, not Onion Ropes,  
But such as at one swing drown Care and Hopes.  
O had you heard our Curate, you'd not snatch  
At dangers thus; he taught, harm watch, harm catch,  
And you e'er since the adventure of the Windmill,  
Run headlong on, and will, or make, or find-ill;  
The Smithfield Giants laid you in a zound,  
And now a Giant of the ear ye have found;  
For we see nothing but a rustling noise,  
Good Sir forbear to search into the cause;  
For if you should do otherwise then well,  
(As gold ● Argent you do) pray who shall tell?  
Think you that I am worthy to relate  
The manner of the Combat, and your Fate?  
Who will believe, A Knight that lived by applause,  
Unfortunate, should perish by a noise?  
Who will believe, when wrote in books we find  
A head of Windmills, ruined by a Wind?  
Who will believe, when on the earth y'are found,  
That such an Eare-lesse Knight should die o' th' sound?  
No Sir, let Sancho Counsel, do you kep●,  
We have been sound beat, let's now sound sleeped.  
And if our dreams are full of such mad whimsies,  
Let's fight in sleep, but waking let our Limbs-ly.  
Sancho tied his Ass' Halter, to both Rosinantes' legs.]  
Dolus an virtus quis in Host requirat!  
Sancho found a politic and strong Remora for the Knight's speed, and what Prayers, Preachments and tears could not obtain from the Master-Fool, he got by the Ass his servant, unto whom he had girt Rosinante so strait, that he was not sui juris, for he was Asse-teddered, and in potestate Halterius. The Don presently smells out the business, an Incantation upon the Horse for want of nailing his old shoes at the door of his house when he came forth, or because, nor the old Woman, nor the Barber, nor his Niece, nor the Curate designed him the security of an old shoe after him. Little thought the Don, that Muniat●n Freston road upon the Ass by him, and that Rosinante was becalmed, not for want of wind, but by too much Cable Rope. Here they must cast Anchor perforce, and though the Brutes are at rest, the Don will not permit his senses to forego their Offices, but keeps his Eyes, Ears and Nose, very busily employed all night, as thereby hangs a tale.  
Be you attentive, for now I begin, it was that it was.] Once a top of a time, so, and so so, and says he, says he, says he, and quoth he, quoth he, quoth he, are the natural cement of most tales.  
If thou tellest thy tale after this manner, repeating every word twice that thou sayest, thou wilt not make an end this two days.] Custom of ridiculous speeches prevail much upon most men, who having used themselves to some impertinent word or phrase, cannot, even in matters of greatest consequence, forgo it. For example, a Reverend Judge, was to give a charge at the Assize, which was with great gravity and sincerity performed, had it not been every where interlarded with, in that kind, that was his customary word; so that to every material thing, this was sure to come in. As Gentlemen of the Jury, you ought to inquire after recusants in that kind, & such as do not frequent the Church in that kind, but above all, such as haunt Alehouses in that kind, notorious Whoremasters in that kind, Drunkards and Blasphemers in that kind, and all notorious offenders in that kind, are to be presented in that kind, and, as the Laws in that kind direct, must be proceeded against in that kind; which set all but the Bench (who were to keep the Peace by their places) into a laughter of that kind, that being charged by the Crier to silence, they could not, till they had ended laughing and crying together. A Gentleman being asked (after the Court rose) how he liked the Judges charge to day, answered it was the best, in that kind, that ever he heard. Like to this, something was that of an Innkeeper in the same City, who being troubled extremely with the D' you see, to all discoveries, upon an occasion being put to say Grace; began, the eyes of all things, D' you see, do look unto thee, d' you see, and thou providest their meat, d'ye see, in due season, d' you see, God save the Church d' you see, the Queen, the Realm, d' you see, and peace and truth, d' you see. Amen. This old Queen Elizabeth's Host, could not out of the road in his alter-Grace, but before he had done, no man could see for laughing, which vexed my choleric Host so much, that he swore he would not say grace, d' you see, as long as he lived for this, d' you see, and do you hear, d' you see, if I do not make it good that I have sworn, let me never look man in the Face, d' you see, or let me drink water, d' you see, till my dying day, d' you see, that a man must be laughed at for his good will, d' you see, I cry God mer●y d' you see, I did not say grace but in this pinch, d' you see, this forty years d' you see.  
See now what I said quoth Sancho, that you should have ●●pt account. By Jove the tale is ended.] This tale is lost, just as the fellow lost the Eole because he could not hold it, or as Tantalus his Apples, because he could not catch 'em, or the fellow his Geese, or he that was to tell twenty, whereof himself was one, and ne'er reckoned that; or it ends just as his tale began, who being to relate some story to Vespasian (an Emperor of the Ill-favoured Face) standing long still, was commanded by a Gentleman to begin, But he excused it and said, he would stay till his excellency came off from the stool, which he guessed by his face, his business at present, the Emperor could not change his face, and the Historian was forced to change the room. So our story ends very wittily abruptly, and Torralva is on one side of the stream, and the Goate-herd on the other; as the Scotchman and his wife, who were more unhappily severed by a like accident; for jany and her good Loon had went, and they went until they came to a Bury, which was at that time overflown with water, there jany and jockey stood gaping eane at ather until a Traveller passing that way, proffered the courtesy of a waft successively to them both; the Scotchman blessed him with bath his hands, and in gewd Faith (Sir) let jany gang first, and I will stay your return; so up went jany, who was very thankful, more than became her, for upon easy solicitation, she yielded mutual carriage to the Gentleman on the other side. jockey beholding these strange sights, roared out, why jany? what an Alaboure an you at? wha werks this janny: Ways me, O for a dry Burg. For want whereof, as of the Don's not accounting, the Tale is ended.  
What noise is that Sancho?]  Haec oracula naribus exploranda. 
This is a very pretty praevious adventure, to the encounter of the sound, in which, two of the Don's best senses were shrewdly put to't, but this of Sancho's was the hotter service, and came with load and load, fresh and fresh, but never sweet. It was strange, that Sancho (but he had only Wallet-invention) did not tell him, that it was a Trumpet sent from Tantablins Castle, where the Reverential Lady Merdina, and many more of her train, which they call the Voluntary Tenants, were imprisoned, during the Giant's pleasure. Which Ladies of the most excellent delight and ease, he always suffered to take Air only at his Port Esquilin, which was as loathsome as a Common-shore. Some of these gallant Spirits have been confined all their life times, until their dissolution; others, weary of detention, have broken Prison, and flew in the very Noses of them they next met, and changing their names, but not their conditions, pass for the Rowsers, the Tearers, the Ratlers, the Quaverers, the Whizzers, the Fuzzers, the Squeekers; according to the several eruptions of the Winds, out of Aeolus his den, which is the grand Colon or hole of those imprisoned Spirits. Hark, they are coming, 
Vnà Eurus que Notus que ruunt, Creberque procellis,  
Affricus, & vastos volvunt ad littora Fluctus,  
Qua data porta ruunt, & terras turbine perftant.  
Which in plain English read you thus,  
Supposing Sancho Aeolus:  
And with both hands his belly pressing,  
Blow winds saith he, upon my blessing;  
When that the Porthole opes, or his back door,  
Out go the Winds, East East, Nore and by Nore.  
These fly about, and like the Bowdy wind,  
(Sweet breathed or no) kiss all they meet or find;  
There is no guard against 'em, though you compass  
Your Nose, they have privilege (as the Trump has)  
To go about: but when the Tempest's laid,  
Then gentle showers fall, where those bustlers played.  
So Sancho wind-eased of his rumbling guts,  
Discharges softest Lees, from his bare butts.   
I prithee friend Sancho, retire two or three steps back, and henceforth have more care of my person.] It was strange the Don would make a business of it, when as Lords and Ladies do the same, and he having admitted his Squire into such familiarity, there could be no greater expression of Sancho's acceptance, and haile-fellowship, then that 
Coram te pedere Sancho solet.  
This Favour Don do not deny,  
Let him (that he fly not) let fly.   
But the thing is justifiable by nature, and there is a book wrote by Grobiaus and Grobiana, (who are the Patron and Patroness of these deportments) wherein the Scholars are authorised to the venting, disburthening at any place or time (be it Dinner, Sermon, Prayers, or any other while whatsoever) of that flatulent spirit, which is troublesome, or desirous to be disposessed. Besides that, the Emperor Claudius Enacted a Law for the common use of liberty at Meals, and amongst other Histories you might hear one another's ta'les go: More incitements to this sport you may read in Fartarethis de arte Ca-candi, which is very well worth that for which it was made: it cannot be then waste paper, being most properly employed; but if for a more legal justification you suspend these (which so suspended, smothered, or stifled) prove lactium Tormina, subligaculorum discrimina, take the Text for it, Lege de egestis, Podice grave onerato, Tit: Nose Autem vel siquis intervenerit.  
Turning back again to Sancho, to bid him farewell, he commanded him to stay for him three days at the longest, etc.] Aurora displayed herself, after this Wedding, (Sancho's I mean) was ended, which sort of solemnities are most commonly in the night, and the Don is very unfortunately among a company of Chesnut Trees, (for Sanch'os' fruits were not so sweet) through which the adventure of the Sound came so fresh again to the Ear which was next, that without heed given to what Sancho had said, or considering aright, the omens and presaging of his Augurhole; a few words being spoken to Sancho, snobbing at his Insensibleness and undauntedness, the Don resolved to take the Sound, leaving behind him if he had miscarried, only this copy of his countenance for Dulcinea, and these few Legacies for Sancho Panca.  
After my three day's absence, (so long stay,  
So long may last this sound and bouncing fray)  
Return, and tell Dulcinea, that her Don  
Had blows enough, before he now went on;  
Blows to that number, and of such high grace,  
As dubbed him Knight of the Ill-favoured face.  
Tell her beside, what did befall my jaws,  
My chaps are fallen, and my wide mouths god saws,  
(My teeth I mean are beaten out) that if  
I lived, spoon-meat bade been my chief relief:  
What on my sides is seen, tell; how my ears,  
(Not fully two, more lugged than any Swine or Bears,)  
Continual Catadupes do stound: But I  
Will either still this sound, or by sound die.  
Then taking Sancho by the Fist;  
My Testament begins thus, Amen: Ego,  
In as good senses, and as rich as Diego,  
Bequeath my body to a plat of ground,  
To be interred without or words or sound,  
(Music or prayers,) killed by a sound; my tomb●,  
In scorn of sounds, shall only hold out mumm.  
Then look behind an ancient painted cloth,  
Covered and hid from sight, by fly and moth;  
There read, what lands I meant to conquer, there  
Are all the Castles in a Register;  
And at the end of that victorious List,  
Thy Islands named; 'tis so, I marry ist:  
My goods 'twixt Dull: and thee divide, pray prize 'em,  
Let none the Inventary boldly gaze on,  
Or buy, before that you have made election,  
It is my love to thee, to her affection.  
Dulcinea is my sole Executrix,  
The seal is my nail's Thumb, the Endorsement Quix.  
When DON QUIXOT saw what was done, he waxed all ashamed and mute, and Sancho's Cheeks were swollen with laughter, and the Don also laughed a little himself.] Quantâ despe decidi! Is our adventure proved a Fulling-Mill? are our Silver staves turned to Iron Maces? and our Giants (earth-bred indeed) but of Fuller's earth? Certainly by the sound, something of the employment wrought upon Sancho, which scoured him so; and yet if either of the two, Sancho should have been first in this Encounter, for it was necessary for him after he had fouled his Breeches. Our Tragedy is changed into pure Comedy, and instead of a Prize, we are like to have a jiggo of two principal Clowns, each gibing the other, they are now at the Tihee, and without tickling, laugh till their sides ache, as if they were under correction of the Maces, Sancho hath the better in this grinning Prize, and so long they interchangeably kept it up, that in the Spanish Tone and Accent you may sing, Per multos risos poteros cognoscere stultos.  
The Don was enraged, but chiefly, hearing him say in gibing manner, I was borne by the disposition of Angels.] The slave Sancho doth supra- parasite it, turns mime satire, Sarcast, Hyperaspist, Quixo-mastix, and from the Don's own mouth, hath a Mockabere for him; 
I am the man by Providence designed,  
To change the Iron age to Gold refined,  
Which without Alchemy, or loads of Coals,  
Or whites of Eggs, or Spirits, (alias souls)  
This Arm shall Cohobate, all matters mighty  
Reserved are for me, come all, i'll fight ye,  
All upon one at once; Monsters where be ye?  
I'm Hercules, club too, Tihee, wi-hee.   
The Don lifted the end of his Lance, and gave him two such blows on the back.] Laesa patientia fit furor. This contempt was so high, that in all the books of Errantry, I meet not any Relation to match it withal. No Squire ever took that liberty which Sancho did, to deride his Knight to the face, and by a loser carriage to affront him to the nose; but nothing was so distasteful at present, as the unmannerly, and reproachful wide opening of his mouth, whereby the Squire did manifest to the world, that he had a better set of Teeth than his Lord: so that the abuse being triple to his face in general, and his nose and teeth in particular, the punishment should have been answerable, and he should have basted him from head to tail. Now it is a great Dispute amongst Martial men, whether this Lance. Bastinado (for it cannot be called an Encounter) did dis-Squire Sancho, that is, Cashier him. In the truth of the state, I do believe it did; but by the consequence of the story, finding his Repentance so sudden, and his submission so exemplary, he may pass in Errantry for a Squire Reformado.  
But you may be sure that I will not once more unfold my lips to jest at your doings.] The Spaniel! the Spaniel! What a deal of love and service a good whip and a Bell procure? The Orders and Rules of Errant-Squires are not here related, though in the secrets of the Manchega● registry at this day they are to be found. What Distances, Equipage, what Approaches, Smiles, Shrugs, Habits, are suitable with them, and requirable from them! How qualified he ought to be that enters himself Squire to a Knight-Errant; and what Services (I mean of Chivalry) he must perform for his Trial; what years he must accomplish before he can be capable of the Government of any Island; or have the privilege to ride all Rhodes penniless, without pay for Mans-meat, or Horse-meat; at what time of his Age he may take leave of the Knight he doth serve, and set up for himself: And after such Resolution, within what time he is to assign himself a Lady, under whose protection he doth undertake his Adventures, and unto whom all his successes (as the Tutelary power over him) are to be attributed. To these were many more very considerable Instructions, besides Negative Precepts showing what he should not do: As not eat, or drink, unless occasion were offered; not lie in bed, unless in place proper; not be familiar with their Dons, unless upon penalty of discharging, or unavoidable necessity; not speak, report, or betray the ill success of any Adventure on his Lord's side, but stand to justify the contrary, though his Legs would hardly give him leave; not grumble at want, not look for Wages, cast-Apparrell, or a fresh Horse: And upon these conditions Affirmative, and Negative, any man may enter himself into this Honourable Employment; from which Heaven preserve all men th●● are in their right wits.    

CHAP. VII.  
For want of drink, and clearing of the Eyes,  
The Don is thrown into an enterprise;  
Wherein he gets the prize, it would amaze one  
To see him now Top-gallant in a Basin.  
O for an Ewer too, to complete the grace!  
And wash him Knight of the Well-favoured Face!  
But 'twas impossible, for in that fall,  
The Barber perished with his washing-ball.  
What will wash off this stain! when it is read,  
That which should be at's Chin, is o'er his Head:  
Ill-favoured now for ever! for those shops  
That mend the Face, will ne'er admit thy chaps:  
No hopes that e'er thy jaws shall be recruited,  
Sancho will be the Trencher-Squire reputed.  
How canst thou think for ever to be better,  
When thou hast wronged Tooth-drawer, and Tooth-setter?  
See what strong fancy can! it flies so high-now,  
That Cut-beard is supposed the great Mum-bry-no;  
And the Brass Bason which he washed foul Beards-in,  
The Helmet is that Giant grand appeard-in.  
Thus rides our Don, to all the world a laughter,  
And fools it on, unto the end o'th' Chapter.  

TEXT.  
ANswered Sancho, I see nothing but a man on a grey Ass like mine own, and brings on his head somewhat that shines.] Sancho had no Heroical and Erranticall eyes: His Diamond was of no spirituours and sparkling Water; but dull, composed of thick pudly stuff, which did obscure and debase the objects he looked upon: The Opacous part was too large, whereas the Don's was Ictericall, as if he had descended of the house of the Flavii, or that his Nurse had mixed all his milk with Saffron, all was Gold or Lions that he saw; an eye for an Alchemist, a Sublimating, Transmuting, and Cohobating eye, a Cuckold's eye, (which is a Cornu-copious eye) and renders all flesh, and especially his own, like the fat of Rams, yellow, because he is Aries on the Head.  
This Barber served two Villages, etc.] This transient Face-mender would in time have made a good Knight-Errant; he was for the Tournament, and could hit a hair, a man inur'd to Martial Instruments, which if he had but spirit enough to have drawn, the very sight of his Tweezers would have put the Don to the Roars; or if he had hanged his Collar of Teeth about his neck, (as they use to be at his Shop-window) the Don had took him sans question, for the Giant of the Cheek, and made what haste from him he could to have preserved the remainder of his life-sustainers. But sure the dull Rogue, shaved with a Pumice-stone, and clipped with a pair of hedgesheers, and washed with Pigge-dung, and though by the custom of Spain he might ride on Asse-backe to his Customers, yet it seems by his flight, that his agility lay rather in his Toes then his Fingers. Our youths of that Profession, do not look as they were under the Influences of Aquarius, but the nimble Mercury, who hath so spiritized their whole Oeconomie, that they are Quicksilver to the fingers ends; you would swear, that upon the swiftness of their Motions, their hands were the primum Movens, and ultimum Moriens of their whole body: Nor are the rest of their parts less active, their Tongues are as fluent as their Fingers, and (except in some sense of the word) seldom lie still. Their shops are the forges of Invention, the Magazines of all News, more frequented than a Bakehouse, or a Booksellers stall; All the Mongers of tha● kind come thither for matter and Inspiration, (both the Scrubbado affording it, when Barlerino himself is dry) after such an effectual excitation of the ingenious Atoms of the Pericranium, the spirits of the Brain by a kind Contagion stir, and then the nimble Factories of the Fancy move all their subtle Engines of device, and presently (like Minerva out of loves) issues all those Diurnall-births, which in several Mercuries fill the Piatza, and are the Gazzets for the whole world. Besides these necessary Administrations, rare are the Quedrums of many of the houses of the Ba●rberino's; like Abel Drugger, you shall have one of them without a Rebus to his sign, which is as attractive as his Wife, or the adjacent pot of Ale, or his Plaister-box (if he be a Chiron too) or if not, as his Tweezer. These Rebuses are Gingle's, or English Hieroglyphics; for anciently the Egyptians (of Nations that used no Barbers as well as the Moors) were the first that conveyed knowledge or wit under such Representations, viz. He hath a long Pole elevated, and at the end of it a Label, wherein is in a fair Text-hand written this word, Money. Now the Pole signifies itself, which joined to the written word, make Pole-Money: there's the Rebus, that Cuthbert is no body without Pole-Money: The Motions in his Paper-Lanthorne are not to be passed by as the smallest part of the Rarities of his house; then the Magnetic virtue of his Cittern, Gittern, and Kit, which are the constant preservers of the agility of his hand, which he loves because they have heads to 'em; Next to these, tagging of Points and Ribbons, which in a vacation of Customers, if his Boys be quick at it, and the Fashion as it is, will serve their Master in Ale, and their Mistress in cold Caudle, and themselves in Black-Puddings, per ●eptimanam very well, (Sunday excluded as to the Work) not to the profits aforesaid.  
The Barber rising up again as light as a Deer, run away so swiftly through the plain, as the wind could scarce overtake him.] Whether throughout, as a Dear Cap-a-pe, is a question: for the Barbarino's of Spain are great Liars out, their Custom calling them abroad; and that occasion given, their she-Gitternes also, who are much played upon in their absence: which is the occasion commonly of the increase of a Monster more in the Paper-Lanthorne at their return. I do believe amongst the many Fables at his Shop, this story was never told without such additions as made for his own Credit, the loss of the Basin and the Ass being repaireable from the Country. Against the next journey he is resolved to ride better provided, and with a more appointed Helmet, upon a Brute of better Service, and with his own Pole for a Lance, Basin for a Target, he would take the Field again, where, Tam Morte quam Mercurio, the Don should dear find, and to his cost too, (for Barberino intended also to assault him with the subtlle Engine of a W●it) that if the Pole failed, the Catchpole should not; if his Target failed, wherein he used to catch by the beard, that by which he caught by the Back should not: But if all these miscarrled, this Machavillian at a stratagem, never went without a small Box of Powder, or dried Meal, and his Puffing, which if he could but advance to the Dons eyes, he doubted not to spoil him for all Adventures, and to punish him in●s kind for that of the Windmill, and regain his Basin, leaving the Vnmambryne-helmeted Don in as confounded a case, as the Mayor of Quinboro●ugh after the Encounter with PICKPOCKETO of Nou. Hispaniola, or Nou. Anglia, which you please: But if Fortune denied Martial Revenge, than Chance might bring this Knight of the Ill-favoured Face after his Victories to Toboso, 'to which Town he must needs pass through the Village where Cuthbert lived; and for his Face let him alone to remember it; and for a Base-one, what the Pole and the Powder could not effect, the Suds of his Landred Face should do; which beside the intolerable smart of his eyes, which would call his hands to their present help, his skilful Boys should ransack his Fobs, and make him thence better satisfaction than the Masters of the Holy Brotherhood: until some such time Barberino leaves him, his Ass, his Basin, and his Patient, who by this time is dead of a Pleurisiè, for want of the Barber, who touch● with his own proper grief, is got to his Wife for a Remedy against the Palpitation of the Hurt, got by the violent motion of his Heels.  
That Pagan which lost it was discreet, and did imitate the Castor.] The story of the Castor un-polluxing himself is very well applied: In the like danger of persons not much unlike, the like policy was used before. A counterfeit Cripple, and a real Bear, which having broke loose from the Keepers, took directly upon a Pass, where this dissembling Beggar plied; who seeing the Bear make up towards the place, whence he could not upon his Crutches, without apparent attachment escape by the help of sudden wit; therefore he cut the ligaments of his wooden supporters, and having recovered the use of his natural legs, though he came thither Crippled, he ran away strait. The Metaphor here was only transversed from Tail to Head: Why might not the Barber throw away his Basin, which was his Capcase, to save his Head-piece, as well as the Castor his Ball-case, to save the rest of the Taile-piece? Herculè me Castor might he, especially when Don Quix-hercules was so near his Civit-Box.  O quantum in subitis Casibus ingenium! 
In the mean time I will wear this Helmet which thou callest a Basin, as I may:] What an invincible Coxcomb was this Sancho, to look for a Beaver with the Basin, when in the very example before excellently hinted by the Don, the Castor, which is the Beaver, bites away the Basin to save the Beaver. So here the Barber having a Cast-Bever, or a Castor of Don john's of Mendozas, to save it from the Rain, put on the Basin; but the putting on so hard for the Basin, he put off his Basin to keep on his old Beaver: Upon the Inhasonation of the Don, it was to be wondered which was the greater Sarazen, he on whose head it was, or from whose head it was supposed to fall, Man-barbe-ryno: It could not worse become our Don surely then, when, for want of other accoutrements at a Play, Mars (the god of War forsooth) was fain to act in a close-stool pan, which had it been properly applied, would have served for his Stool of Repentance, after the violation of his Brother Deities sheets.  
And as in case of doubt, until I am better informed, I say that thou exchange if thy need be extreme.] A Council of War is called, to know whether they shall admit the Trojan Ass into their wooden Society; Cry you mercy, it is a Grecian Ass, for it was a Grey. The Don being Precedent of the Council, which consisted only of the Advocate- Sancho, and himself, (not Judge-Advocate I mean) but one who was always a Pleader for some illegal prize or other: the Don herein, (though to his friend and Brother Sancho) denied to do an act of injustice, or derogation from the Honour of Knight-Errantry; He Knight-Errant, if he steal in propria persona, is Uncalendred for ever, and his name expunged the Ephemerideses of King Arthur's Knights. But change is no robbery, so that be done likewise by the Squire, not the Knight: The Capucines boy takes money, not his Holy Master; but in case of irresistible necessity, as when Iugurth's Horse, A●●xanders Elephant, Cyrus his Dromedary were shot under 'em; or (for I think their time was before Monks, and so consequently before the Invention of Guns and Gunpowder) when these great Heroes Brutes were slain, it was lawful to take the next they could get. Not did Alexander take it for a disparagement to ride upon a Camel, when Elephantus was gone; or if he, or any of the rest had, Lege Nationum, they must have gone on foot, which is incompetent with a Knight-Errant, unless with his Horse in hand, or rather in his Squires. And as for the qualification in the Question, (but of extreme need) the extreme hardness that Sancho was put to, might be very well judged by the obduration of his Posteriors, which were almost petrified by continual hardenings upon his Asses bare back; for he road podice nudo, ever since the loss of his Wallet, until the purchase of the Cassock, where the Divinity Buttons did oft disease those of the Flesh. Wherefore it was decreed and ratified in a full Court, of one Judge, one Asse-sessor, two Asses, and a Stallion, that Sancho should have all the Bona Mobilia (praeter ipsum Corpus) of the Prize-Asse taken in lawful fight: and those he should instantly translate upon the back of his own Ass, which made proud by these new Trappings, pricked up his ears above Rosinantes, or he that was above Rosinante.  
Sancho thou sayest not ill, quoth Don Quixot.] These were Sancho's nuts after a full Meal, to bring his Knight into a fresh Frenzy, which he could do with as much ease as an Ape-carrier with his eye makes the vaulting Creature come aloft, or at the sign of Terrid in Aldo. Name but an Emperor, a King, a Queen, a Lady, a Giant, a Castle, a Monster, and he was presently on fire, Orlando Furioso, Hercules Furens, jeronymo: upon the very mention, his brains are got beyond the Sophy of Persia, unto a far remote Kingdom, where the King of that Kingdom was rescued by that Knight, that was in love with that Daughter, that was heir to that King, that was oppressed by that Giant, that loved that Daughter, that hated that Giant, that was slain by that Knight, that had forgot that Lady, that lived at Toboso, that was called Dulcinea, that had a Squire that was unknown to that Lady; but by that name of Sancho Pancha, that served that Knight, that was of the Ill-favoured Face, that promised that Squire, that Government of that Island, that is not in this Book, but in that which is the next.  
The Princess shall admit me for her Lord and Spouse, although she knew me to be the Son of a Water-Bearer.] I did always imagine that from such a Fountaine-head this stream of Knight-Errantry did derive itself; Prince Tancred was a great Prince, and like those Roman Emperors carried upon men's shoulders, which was the first piece of state in the world, and at this day is kept up by the French Madams in their Sedans. From Prince Tanacred, or Tankard, his Phlegmatic race was drawn by wooden or leaden Pipes to the Mancha, where is yet to be seen the Scheme of his Lunatic Genealogy, who as the Knight, were by Nativity, as well as Acquisition, very Bedlamish; the King his Father-in-law so much spoken of, calls to mind a Gentleman, who was the By-blow of a Lord, by whose name the Base son used to honour himself in all companies, at Meals, Cards, Bowls, Races, where ever and anon he was at his— The Lord his Father allowed him so much for this, for that Recreation, and the Lord his Father kept the best Hawks, Horses, Dogs, House, etc. in all that County; and thus he continued his shameless repetition, until another Gentleman vexed at his ambitious, but worthily to have been concealed, Recitals, said, Sir, here is much talk of the Lord your Father, but the Devil a word of the Whore your Mother; which struck the Lordling into so deep a Melancholy (for he had not the spirit of Barns of that Extraction) and such a long silence, as if Sweet-lips his best hound had miscarried, or Peppercorn his Race-horse had got a splint.  
Then there is no other to be done, but steal her away, and carry her to some other place.] This Daughter-catching is only pardonable in Knight-Errants; for in all other places, Plagiaries (that is, Stealers of Children, whether of the back or brain) were accounted the greatest Robbers, and therefore aught to have the greatest punishments. A sort of these Thiefs are now redivivous, (the Reliquiae I believe of Knight-Errantry) who go by the name of Spirits: These, by Wiles, Bribes, and Tricks, decoy silly Children on Shipboard, where when they once have them, they are clap● (as the simple Rat-catcher in the same case was upon Lenoyrs' account) under Decks, and thus entrapped, part with Country, Friends, and Fortunes, which they never resalute, no nor their spiritual Fathers, who deserve the Gallows more than any Rogues that suffer. But for a Lady to be stolen away, and such a Lady, that was thought a fit match for a Giant, is such a Device, that none but a Knight-Errant could dream of. It is all odds, the Story is not right here, Cyd Hametes hic non tenetur. The Lady of such proportion stole away the Knight rather; for it cannot be imagined otherwise, that her Discretion or Love should be so little, as to bring her Knight in danger of a Rape or Felony, when a gallant spirit would confess the truth, and say the business was her own plotting, her own doing, and undoing, and that howsoever she dissembles the business of riding now behind, that was not the thing she aimed at.  
I would not authorise my Litado? Dictado said the Don, or Dignity.  Nobilitas sola est atque uni● a ●irtus. 
The Fountain of Honour cannot give deserts, though he give Titles, though commonly where the Deserts are not, the Honours are not given, but bought and sold, which is the rise of so much gallant Nobility and Gentry in the Spanish Kingdoms, where is Purchase-money enough: An Accipiamus Pecuniam, & Dimittamus Asinum, being a current Maxim in all Country's, where an importunate rich Coxcomb is gratified for his Token which never fails. But Sancho after his Cobbler's Dream of the Earl, (like those whose manners are not mended with their Titles, being Splendidiora sterquilinia, or Apes in a new sure) sinks himself into the conceit of his first original, which was Beadle unto some Fraternity of Porters, wherein (notwithstanding his airy promises of the Island) the Provostship of the Company would gladly content him and his Moll, if for one year she might take place of the Sisterhood of her fellow-Porters wives. Then after the days of his Mastership expired, he would return to his Ale and Tost, the Frock and Badge, and off goes Gown, and on goes shouldersavers, welcome half a hundred, and God rest his soul that built the Pillars for the Rest of Porter's Bodies.  
Nam genus & proavos & quae non fecimus ipsi,  
Vix ea nostra voco.  
What if my Ancienters were john of Cumber,  
If I no worth have, I'm but of the number.  
What more is to be done then to take a Barber, etc.] I think I must recant; and conclude Sancho will make a right spark: What Noble Knight-Errant, or Lord of a Purchased Title can do more than keep his outlandish Barber, his Monsieur, his Tailor, his Cook, his rider of his great Horse, and the great jade himself rides, all exotic; snuffing at any services of his own Country; their Meats, Drinks, Fashions are course, fulsome, nasty, without a foreign Hogow. Their Suits, rather than they should be without a Fangle, must be done with a Why-hoo, which is a chimerical Mode lately found out; A Fashion to be whistled into a Tailor's head without Butts or Patterns.  
Ride on, ride on, great pair, unto Fool's Harbour,  
Both high in thought, with Basin, and with Barber.    

CHAP. VIII.  
Room, room for fresh Adventures, and new Sallies,  
Thus far in Land-work, now Beware for the Galleys;  
For Galleyslaves, who chained in loving Links,  
(Their hands were never honester methinks)  
The Knight of the Ill-Face his Brother-Faces,  
(For they were ill-lookt all) from their doomed places,  
The Oar and Mines, will rescue; for he allows  
No force on freeborn souls, no Chains, no Gallows;  
An act of desperate Valour, and Sub paena  
Of death, but that he fled unto Morena,  
(Once taking Sancho's counsel) a high Mountain,  
Where they remain, their Histories recounting:  
Recounting more the dangerous reward,  
(Than th' Act itself) of forcing of the Guard,  
The Convoy of the Slaves, which bold arresting,  
Was treason against the King, with whom's no jesting.  
But that which sticks i'th' stomach of our Don,  
Like a good Meal (if ever he get one)  
Was the redeemed Slaves ingratitude,  
Whom he enlarged and gave full latitude  
Of Leg and Arm, which they uncivil Devils  
Employ against the Rescuer from their evils.  
Whom think you in this Fact was Paramount,  
But that unlucky Rogue 'Gins Passamont?  
Whom though the Galleys miss, yet for this trick  
I'll warrant him a Passport to old Nick.  

TEXT.  
THen if that be so, then herein justly falls the Execution of my Function.] Well applied Don, Ergo Potlid. No, no, a better Inference by far; it was Argumentum ad hominem, viz. to himself, whose Pate itched, it was upon the mending hand, by that sign, and consequently upon the marring; Exempli gratiâ.  
Every thing under force is rescuable by my Function.  
All these are under a force,  
Ergo, They are rescuable by my Function.  
The Syllogism is a very strong one. A Demonstration, à priore, as to the Don; as à Posteriore, to the Slaves: The Major no man durst deny, 'twas Probatio Leonina! quis ausus est quartam partem? The Minor was visible as the Nose in his Face, nay more, than the Teeth in his Mouth, and ten times more, than meat for those Teeth. The Conclusion is undeniable, per 〈◊〉 seculorum: Thus by one Syllogism in two Figures the Don hath proved himself into an Adventure very Logically, his Mood being in Barbara, as to the matter of the Rescue, and in Bocardo, as to the issue; à quo, as to the Slaves, ad quem, as to himself and Sancho; who could never persuade him to any prudential forbearing of Criminal Encounters; but the Don had a head (like his bad stomach) which converted all into the gross and filthy Humours of Errantick Valour; which doth rub up a story (we have not had one a great while, for want of the Barber's Currycomb) of a Priest who was sure, (let the Text be whence and what it would) to make all the Sermon against Nonresidency; which was taken notice of by all sorts of Auditors that heard him; the Priest being himself unbeneficed, and an Ubiquetary, made bold (seed vacant) as he found room enough to pay the Non-Residentiaries, (though they were in the Mother-Churches in the affirmative) for not stopping his mouth with a Living, or with their living upon the place. Now some friends conspired to give this Itinerant a Text, whereby he should not possibly rest in his common Notes against non-resident; The Text was this, Abram begat Isaac; they thought they were far enough from Priest then; and yet they were out, (for Abraham paid Tithes to Melchizedeck) but our Sir Roger took the Warning, and having Saturday nights (time enough for the Collection of his Authors, which were (as his Land was not) in Capite) for premeditation the next day he mounted, and short Prayers premised, the Text he named; his Auditory smiling at their own conceits, of what an irreconcilable piece of Scripture they had proposed, and unconcatenable to his usual subject. But beyond all expectation, and to the extreme satisfaction of those that knew the Design: No sooner had he read,— Abram begat Isaac, but he adjoined. A plain Text (beloved) against non-resident; for, if Abram had not kept the Company of his good Woman Sara, that is, not been Resident, than Isaac had not been borne. Such kind of wedded Fancies have many men to one sort or way, that all manner of Discourse is turned into the Chyle of their Customary apprehensions and applications, be it Drollery, or Seriousness; Like a Metaphysical pated Disputant, who, let the Question be, An Zabarella fuit Scriptorum oped. maximus? would bring the confounded Replicant to Materia prima, by due form of Argument; where if he caught him, Tenet occiditq▪— he would so Contund him, and extra-mund him, more than Materia Prima itself was at the Chaos: happy noise of the University Bells, who were only able to put an end to the Matter; or give an Haec sufficiunt pro formâ.  
They are men that take delight in acting and relating 〈◊〉.]  Olim baec meminisse juvabit. 
The soureness of the present Sauce did not take away the sense of their sometime sweet meat, even to the very last swing, and periodical moment of life. Mischief's will delight themselves with the memory of those pranks they can no longer act, Et retinet mores quos perdidit aetas, is excellently said of Claudian, concerning a superannuate Creature, who (notwithstanding that her years did supertede her vocation) prudently shifted her Trade into that of a Matron, which we call Prioress of a Vaulting-schoole, having a great desire to see that work go on in others, which was ended in herself. It is observable, that these Gusmanillo's the night before they ascend the Execution Cart, send for their friends of both seres, and very Pater-familiarly, advice them with great Caution, how they come to the like unfortunate ends; that is, by being too lavish of their Tongues, too much given to Drink, which betrays secrets; too much loving a Whore, which is a revealer of their stealths, but not their own; too much addiction to Gaming, which doth waste the small stock their industrious pilfering hath got together, and enforceth them upon fresh Designs, and sudden, but dangerous Recruits; also hankering after Repentance, and hopes of Pardon, which is always of dangerous consequence, and either altars the whole course of ones own life, or else the latter, (being base Peachery) brings another's life to a Halter. Wherefore very solemnly they conjure their friends to do nothing simply, rashly, or unadvisedly, that should conduce to such Casualties as these; but at all times to steal with great care and prudence; to wench soberly, and undiscovered; to swear their Hosts once a Month to secrecy, and once a year at least to bring 'em into personal Action; and for their Landladies, to Nightwork them into silence, that by the mutual breach of the 7th Commandment they may be true to the Infringers of the 8th; and for the pleasing wrong done to their Husbands, connive at the robbery done to their Neighbours. These Counsels given with some Deprecations to their Children, (if they have any) wishing them the blessing of their labour, their finger's ends upon them; and encouraging them in the way wherein their forefathers were bred, they entail their Professions upon their issue, which is never cut off but with their lives. In that penultimate night is the right farewell to the World, the sense of Domus, or Spelunca Latronum, truly spoken, the next day's Pageantry, old Goodcoale, the Cart, the Sheriffs, the Halberds, the Psalm, the Confession, signify nothing, and are only pro formâ, doing pro more, as the Custom is, but in truth they are all of the fellow's mind, who is of the Turks, that there is a Fate and Destiny, which is as impossible to escape, as the means that brings to it. So that if Hind must be hanged, he had good reason to see it should not be for nothing.  
He answered that his offence was only being in love.]  
Injectus est in vincula, nè metue nuptiarum, saith Lipsius, of one caught in a Love knot, or wedding couples.  
But this Neophyte was enamoured with a basket of linen, it may be a youth in a basket, so left ab incunabilis, which was all he had to the charity of the Parish, he did as he was inclined by the basket stars, that shone at his nativity, which was the Talismon of his whole life. Just as a Tailor for want of work, turned into his Trade, but out of his name, a Fur, but not manifestus, came to an Inn, where all usage was neat and handsome, and about bedtime, the Shee-Chamberlaine left him, he desiring the use of the Candle longer, by which very succinctly, he made him a good shirt of one of the holland sheets in the bed, having dispatched the threads into the fire, they not being worth a Limbus in his Hell. But in the Morning he is very much displeased with his lodging, (though he lay better than he had done in a month before, with a good shirt on) for that he had but one sheet, the wench swore she thought she brought two, and none ever imagining the conversion of the linen, he came cleanly off, though he came lousily on, being better able to shift ever after; such a piece of Love a blade of Hiemont in Cambro Britannia showed to a piece of wand'ring horseflesh, wherewith he was as much enamoured, (as Europa of her Bull) for in want of a bridle (and a halter he could not endure) he was enforced to embrace the Brute about the neck, and with all speed make to the road, but the owner being in some grounds not far off, and espying the cheat, made after him, undiscovered, and being very well horsed overtook this rank rider, though the spurs of his affections carried him very furiously & swift away, and requiring of him the reason of his speed, his Countryman swore, Sir, are you in a good hour, the Master of this wild jade? in a good hour, I am replied the other, (for half an hour later, I believe had altered the case. (In troth Countryman (said the thief,) it is the joy of my heart, that you have thus happily overtaken me, for this headstrong jade else might very well have run away with me; the Gentleman was very well pleased with his horse and his jest, and unwilling to horse him again, dismissed him under the penalty of petty larceny, when, for want of ready money, they scored upon his back, the postage.  
Here it is quite contrary, he that sings once, and weeps all his life after, he is called a Canary Bird.] This fellow is of the despised order of the Confessors, those I mean of our Tyburn Confessors, to whom, confess and be hanged are convertible; for if you ' fez you're hanged, and your hanged is confess. But the Parot is laughed and abused by them all, Facillimum est tacere, he is fit to be throttled that cannot shut's mouth. Could he not say, Not guilty my Lord, but upon the first question undo himself, and comrades, and occasionally deprives the World of a succession of Knight-Errants, who were destined relievers of Ladies, (Market-women returning home laden) rescuers of enthralled Creatures, (poor sensible Animals locked and fettered) surprizers of Castles, (such as every man's house is) setters free of the imprisoned Queen (Regina Pecunia, let her confinement be to Iron Chest, or Castle under ground;) chasers and subduers of Monsters, (all honest men travelling upon their occasions;) Disinchanters of Negromancers, (disrobers' of Gypsies, Canberry Bess', and the like Bona Robas of the times:) One confessor, one puling, snif'ling, Hen-hearted Rogue, is sometime the ruin of a set, a pack, a covey of these valiant Heroes, whom the Annals had swelled with; but for the Interception of a few years, concluded in a Triangle, which was intended for the Circle.  
I go to the Lady Garrupes, for five years, because I wanted ten Ducats.] This was a pleasant Rogue, that rattled his Chains, made Music of his Fetters, and sang with his breast against the Thorns. It was pity, that for want of a little money, a Bribe, or so, so brave a spirit should tug at an Oar! But hang it, it was for five years, and what's that to the age of man, which is threescore and ten in the train of the world. He sweetens all the misery by making Proserpina his Lady, the Turn-keyes wife a Madonna: such comforts they raise to themselves, who shaking hands, heads, and heels at Madam Tyburija's, Cousin german to the Lady Garrupes, tell their friends that they are invited for a year and a day to the Lord Mayor Banqueting House, (which is all one with Apud infernos coenabimus:) others, in other places, veil and couch it, under riding the wooden Horse, covering Bagwells Mare, dining under the Hawthorne tree, turning Mahomet's, and without a Loadstone residing betwixt Heaven and Earth: And while they live in the like Metaphors (for the other are Allegories and continue for ever) they name their Fetters Love-knots, their Rope's Fancies, (which for the honour of their Ladies they will wear to the death) their Goals their Castles, their Carts their Chariots, in which they ride in Triumph from Metropolis to Tripletris: And a Father these all have, Derich, or his successor, and the Mother of the grand Family, Maria Sciss-Marsupia, who is seldom troubled at the loss of any of them, having many, and to spare, and fearing no want of succession, because there are so many lineally descended one from another.  
Don Quixot went to the fourth, who was a man of venerable person, with a long white Beard which reached to his bosom.]  Non Barba facit Philosophum. 
A man may have a very goodly Beard, and yet be a Pimp: and a man may have never a hair on his head, and be a Whoremaster; and a man may have ne'er a hair in his face, and be an Eunuch. Fronti nulla fides; Beards of all fashions are nought; and you need not so precisely keep your wife from Black-beard, Browne is as dangerous, Yellow worst, and Red worst of all.  
Et de virtute locuti—  
— Clunem agitant.  
Cato would be drunk, and Morose together; and the old Sages, the Graybeards, had their Lycases, Ganymeds', and pretty Cleopatras, as well as jupiter, Caesar, or Mark Antony. These Brokers of the Ear, Inventors of the venereal Hotacusticon, or Priapuses Whispering place, are the same sort of Engineers, as our Procurers, Matchmakers, Limb-comforters, Informers unto the Vice, not against it; who are walking Tickets, and movable Papers of inclining Ladies Lodgings, where the Beauties, (like the Room next vacation) is to be let ready furnished. This Affair is much managed by Matrons in our Clime, unless it be when both Parents consent in the Construpation of a Daughter; then (as my Father Ben saith) they cannot be matched.— I have a short story (Credent ne posteri!) of the truth of this last practice: Where the Mother was bribed to the violation of her only, and that a very handsome child; the gravity of the Mother's person would have deterred an ill inclined Roman from the vice; but our Northern Lads are unappeasable: A round sum is proposed, the place appointed even at her own house, in a room just over the Chamber, where this piece of Antiquity taught school; In●● which the shrieks of her devirginitated Daughter came, which put her unto the most horrid shift of all, to ●smother the noise of Lust with the Tones of a Psalm, which she & her Scholars sung aloud, and the second part too, whiles the other above sung damnable Notes to a godly Ditty. The highest practice of Impiety that ever I heard of, and performed many years before the late Reformation, but betwixt the time of the first; otherwise Hopkins and Sternhold could not have been instrumental to a piece of Incontinency; unto the performance whereof, (like Music in the Act) perchance david's Penitential, unregarded, might be the Hymn. This story is not Fathered upon this bad Mother, but it is set down to show you, that Italy and Venice, Spain and France, have more open toleration of sport; but great Purses can do amongst us as much as ever it did at Rome; and Animae Parentum, aswell as Corpora Filiarum, are venalia. This Child without doubt had this Original sin from her Parent, and from whence she learned this pious fraud is too long to inquire.  
If that smack of Witchcraft were not in it, he merited not.] It is ordinary to impute our own Lapses (which lay in our wills sometimes to have resolved) to the power of the Devil, tempting and overruling us. A wench willingly seduced, and poisoned, (as they say) was thus expostulating with herself post rem factam, & se infectam. What a graceless Quean was I? what a forgetful hot-tailed Carrion? Right! very right! Sure I was bewitched, there she was eccentric! Nay, without peradventure the Devil was in me! And with a high sigh, considering her early Hillock, said, Shame on me, it was the Devil Incarnate. This Confession not extorted, nor subtly wrought out by any Examiner, but a shifting, shriving Conscience, may very well be praeambulatory to her own Absolution, and to this scandal from our Broker of the Ear, who following the steps of his first subtle Master plies that part which he began with, and so at last got from one Round to another. Look to your Earrings Ladies, strange bobs hang thereby. Although I know very well, that no Sorcery in the world can move or force the Will.] Medicated Garters, Gloves, Handkerchieffs, Heart-breakers, Ribbons, Fillets, Fancies, Pictures, nor Platonic speculation, (which, if there be any thing near Witchcraft, or Knight-Errantry, is without Question of the surest side) find any faith in our Don, who for this Tenet (for in other things quantum distat) may be accounted a wise man by the authority of the first Verse that ever moved foot in his behalf: Sapiens dominabitur Astris.  
And if it be in the power of a Knight-Errant to resist and counter-worke the Influences of the Starre●, who are his higher Brother Planetae, and so (with the Sun's leave) as many Monsters as ever Quixot did; which Stars more subtly and naturally incline our tempers; and if their virtues may be rebated by a moderate Fasting, and sufficiently mortified Body, or rather as our Don's was mortar-fied. D'ye think a few Herbs shall do it? I dare presume, that let Medea have gathered what Plants she pleased, at what time of the night she thought most effective, and with what words she pleased too; let them have been made into a grand Salad, with Oil, Sugar, Almonds, Vinegar, and the rest of the French Coques Ingredients, Quixot and Sancho should have made no more danger of it, but eat it as heartily, and with as good success, as if Mary Gutierez had prepared against their coming home a Tansy of Clare, for the reparation of her Sancho's back; and another of Coxcombo, for the discerebrating of his Knight's head.  
I go here, because I have jested too much with two Cousin Germane of mine own.] The Rogue lies to the Don and his Cousins too; for he was in earnest with them, and they took it: Insomuch, that if there were but few Trees or none in Spain, he ought to have been sent to Rome, and hanged upon the Arbour Civilis for an example; which by these disorderly intermixtures he hath made so knotty, that it hath changed many a Bartolus (with rubbing his Pate to find the right names for his Offspring) into Baldus. It is the latter end of the Character of this slave, that he was a Stadent, a great Talker, and a very good Latinist. All these he might be; for Scientia and Mores do not always meet in the same person, though it were a very handsome Conjunction: But you find his studeo (Mu● è contra) stans; and he is not so great a Talker, but as great a Doer too; and for his Latin Tongue, that could be no sin, unless in that Catholic Tongue he did corrupt the Whore of Babylon.  
Don Quixot asked who was this so loaden with Irons, and why? Because he had done more Villainies than they all.] This Rogue was at full years, in the strength of his age, a handsome fellow, (as we say of those we never do commend but once) the rest of his Company were singular knaves, but this was Nomen multitudinis; A Book must comprehend his life, and no better penman than himself; if he could be true to any, certainly he would not cheat us in his own Story. In the Parchments of his body (for he was for the Antique Records) much of his History was to be read, in a very high Rubric, which upon solemn days was seen, and the part re-stigmatized according to order: In his hand was another Impression, in his forehead another, another in his shoulder, which were several Editions of some small Pamphleticall labours of his, which are now to be collected into one entire Volume, bound up together like the Author; and to be tied in memory of 'Gins Passamont, in the Vatican, in Chains, when the first Edition shall come forth, Correctior & non Emendatior.  
'Gins Passamont, or, Ginesilio of Parapilla.] This latter name of Parapilla, 'Gins doth abominate, the Creatures of the Road changing names as oft as Highways, which they never ply above two Terms. As for example, Now he is taken and apprehended by the name of Pass●a-mont; at other times, and upon emergencies of occasions, Passe-a-broak, Passe-a-ditch, Passe-a-way, Passe-o-ver, Passe-a-repass; but this the best name, if with a Convenit res nomini. One Pass-a-galley were worth a Kingdom: beside what a great adornment to the Grandee Opus of his life would it be, if it might not be concluded among the Brethren of the Oar, but be spun out to the utmost thread in the noble Erterprises that Fate and his own Genius had necessitated and inclined him to.  
This Book was pawned in Prison for 200 royals, and is redeemable for so many Ducats.] You may read in this Book the abuse of Prisoners, which at first was bound for Pence, and cannot get out under payment of Pounds; the expense of the Prison, and the Keeper's Fees, and Rent-money for the liberty of the Rules, (without Rule) extending beyond the Liberty of the People even to Constantinople, where those that live under the Turk are more kindly used then those that live under Jews at home, merciless jailers, and hungry Wardens, who fleece the sheep brought to their Pounds, worse than a Wolf a Lamb. But 'Gins after his Captivity ended, for he did Pass a Jew in slavery, never out a whole seven years together: so that he reckons his life by the justra of his Imprisonments, the first five of his Innocency and Infancy going for nothing; so that he hath played at five excellently well, and his Quinquatria of once every fifth year, (in the Galleys, or some place of like eminence) except before excepted, render him according to the Spanish and his own account, trigesimo aetatis, which (if he had been guilty of so many crimes in England) would have been Gregorian, which is a just Account indeed, but very killing.  
The Commissary held up his rod to strike.] Molops our insulting Officer is incensed; the Tyranny of such Superiors is intolerable; and when the State hath taken the Will-liberty of his hands and feet from him, these will deprive him of his natural freedom, if it were possible they would muzzle his mouth; but 'Gins is mummed presently, he saw it was but a Word and a Blow, and it was better and more selfe-preservingly done to leave him to the Sarcasmes of his Book, then by a shoulder-experience to have learned how to write a literal invective against him. But see the Valour of these Brutes, not much unlike the victory of Aeneas, and a fellow-Deity to boot, upon a simple woman, (as Dido is pleased to call herself, though she doubled I believe with one of those Deities.)  
Egregiam vero l●udem & spolia ampla tulist is,  
Tuque puerque tuus, magnum & memorabile nomen:  
Una dolo Di●ûm si faemina victa duorum!  
Which for the honour of ●ines, and the perpetual stigma of such Barbarous Custodes, let it speak English thus: 
What glory may be in the Victory found,  
If a loose Devil beat a Prisoner bound?   
It seems to me a rigorous manner of proceeding to make slaves of them whom God and Nature hath made free.] How far this freedom or exemption from punishment is disputable, tenable, or otherwise, hath not by any Defenders of the Liberty been yet shown. For Don Quixot, who seems at the instant very much to Patronise the cause of these (contra Legem Naturae) enthralled, doth at other times very highly tyrannize, and gave Sancho (his friend Sancho, Townes-borne Children, and of the better Face, of equal sufferings) but for doing the work of Nature (I mean not that of Disenteration,) but of laughing, such a blow upon his freeborn shoulders, that if he had not been a laughingstock indeed, the blows had confounded him: but here he is for freedom, and anon for Distance, Observance, Reverence. However the Theme was sweet, and the Rhetoric pleasing, and finds more Believers than experienced soldiers; and therefore Don Quixot's Oration was received as Caesar's at the pass of Rubicon; when his speech against the insulting, covetous Faith-breaking Senate was applauded by the whole Army, and the Countries where he came, crying out, Down with the Senate, down with them: Long live the people of Rome, and the Liberties of the Commons: all this while crying down that Authority, and not knowing what would succeed, or whether uni Caesari multos Marios, whether Q. Elizabeth's, or Mary's days were better; which is worst to endure, Fire, or Sequestration?  
Go on the way, good Sir, and settle the Basin right on your head.] What, touch our Helmet, touch it with so high indignity as to call it a Basin! 'Tis a Defiance which presently amounted to a Tournament; a Tournament, to an Overturn, that to a Dismount, which happened upon the first Barriers, where low lies the Commissary, and Don Quixot rides like jupiter liberator, guilty of a Rescue, and Sancho Pa●ca, (who all this time through fear of the Guard, Lawless and Witless) suspecting Victory, that she would play the Jade, and not keep the same side still, was auxiliary to the slaves, and the fettery Hand-Cuffs of 'Gins Passamont, and all his Ironwork lopped off, and the Cord of Amity and Friendship of his Fellows broken, they all (as now in Duty they stood loose) took part with their Rescuer, or Restitutor Qnixot, and so pelted the guard, that they had very hard pay for their Convoy, and glad to retreat, they left the Prisoners to Don Quixot, Master of the Field, and Lord of Six, which he counted a Sexcenturio: And imagining himself Generalissimo, he thus makes his Oration to his new-formed Army.  

Don Quixot's Oration to the Slaves Redeemed.  
Quirites (Gentilemen Soldiers all)  
And fellow Soldiers too, (such I you call,  
Such is your General's meekness,) Freeborn Blades,  
And made Free-Blades by Me, from hungry Trades,  
Tugging at Oars, or digging in the Mines  
For wealth and Oar, (he ne'er enjoys that finds)  
Made capable to feed yourselves, not eat  
The pittances of Madam Garrupes meat,  
Dried Eels, and th' Eels skins for digestion,  
Poor john, and what that is 's a question;  
Stockfish, and Gaberdine, and split Hakes,  
Dried Sprats, Cockles, Dogfish, and Sun-dryed Cakes.  
What is that thing your Emperor shall ask?  
What is it that you'll think too great a task?  
Methinks I hear 'Gins Passamont require,  
Where my commands will be? through Water, Fire,  
Or over Mountains, or down steepy Rocks?  
Or if again we shall bind on these Locks,  
From whence your power hath newly loosed us; wa  
Shall be more proud of such Captivity,  
Then any freedom of our own: 'Tis so;  
Once more then on your Necks these Laces throw,  
Once more in Chains, but never after this;  
You must be Pilgrims to my Queen of bliss,  
Dulcinea of Toboso, Lady bright,  
Bright as the Stars, black-mantled all in night:  
Her, and Toboso's Palace having found,  
Humble yourselves, and click your Chains to th' ground.  
Tell her you are Don Quixots Freedmen, tell  
That he hath ransomed you from death and Holl,  
From Furies, and things worse tormentative,  
Devil's incarnate; that you are alive,  
It is the Guerdon of his Arms and Lance  
Which Masters all, when it doth once advance.  
Say you besides, with a most signal grace,  
Thus spoke the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face,  
And kissing thrice the ground, rise from the place.  
'Gins Passamont answered for all the rest, sayings]   

'Gins Passamont's Reply to his Emperor.  
Then Passamont i'th' name of all the rest,  
Bowing his body, as became him best,  
(Honoured Releaser said,) Command what is  
Feasible, and not impossibilities.  
How canwe all in such procession go,  
The Holy Brothers ranging to and fro;  
And all ways laid to take us for th' escape,  
And Hues and Cries in every Village gape?  
Not that I Lightning, or fell Thunder fear,  
(Unless that Lightning before death appear.)  
Why should your Excellency thus value us,  
As to design us, new relieved, to th' Gallows?  
'Twere better ne'er to have been freed, than I  
Should now surrender to a Hue and Cry;  
And on the next tall tree, in these scaped Chains,  
'Gins Passamont should give the Grows his braims.  
Those brains that formed and framed that glorious work,  
(Greater than Tamerlains, that slew the Turk,)  
Whom he did keep in Iron Cage; till, wroth,  
He beat his brains out, which to go were loath.  
O Sir, some nobler thing command:  
Cannot you change? it is not under hand,  
Nor Persian Edict: Knights of the Round-Table  
Were never said to be unalterable.  
If that your Queen were her they call of Faries,  
(As if she's like to you, you must be Pares)  
Would it not be as well to have some Aves,  
Such pious so●●es as we shall get God save-yeets,  
With equal Creeds, and equal Pater ●osters,  
We will roar out in most amazing postures:  
Both night and day we will frequent the place,  
Praying you both have a like Favoured race.  
That whosoever behold the valiant youth,  
May swear 'twas spit out of Don Quixots mouth.  
But for this Boon, dread Sir, do not pursue it,  
For to be short and plain, we will not do it.   
I swear, said Don Quixot, 〈…〉 whore, Don Ginesio Paropillio.] This peremptory Denial made the D●n all flame within, and soot and smoke without, insomuch, that he 〈◊〉 and foamed, (like a Boars head on a Chase- 〈◊〉) and 〈◊〉 upon Rosinant, he road up to the Head of the Foot, and 〈…〉, and with his Face full of Wroth, and filthy Fury, ●etting his 〈◊〉 to ●his Lance, and his Lance to his side, and an Oath in his mouth, which was none of the smallest. By the faire● 〈◊〉 of my Mother, (sworn the Knight) whose very picture I am, when she teemed me under the Line, thou son of Lupa, Don Gives of Pass'on-offa, or Don Gingerbread of Parapompeon, or by what Title soever called, or miscalled; 
Thou'dst better eaten Tar, then from thy chaps  
Had fell such rude, and undigested drops:  
I destined thee unto a Link of Chain,  
Now load it all upon his neck profane,  
Until with weight (as due) it crack again.  
And for these bold presumptuous words alone,  
(All these remitted) without Hose, or Shoes,  
Unto Dulcinea (Pilgrims poor) be gone.   
He winked on his Companions, and going aside, they sent such a shower of stones.] See, see the wheel of Fortune! O Vicissitude! O Moon! O Madness, to think it can be otherwise to men under the Moon! Trust not to Honour, she's an Eel; nor to Victory, she's a Wheel; nor to Riches, they are Witches; nor to Popularity, that short-lived Charity; nor to Friends, for Love is for Ends; nor to Allies, for none can tell who cries when he is dead, and cold is his head. Our Grand-Signior Don of the Mancha and Sexcenturiat is un- Ottom, and by his own Janissaries, and Sancho-Mahomet hangs betwixt two Opinions, and knows not which side to take: Passamont not moved with the Reverence of his looks, nor the Majesty of his Helmet, beats the Brazen Diadem about his Tinne-pot face, and with shoals of stones so pelts him, that the Knight looked for his end, and to lie buried under small Pebbles, and other Rubbish, as if he had died in a Pitcht-field: Rosinante is over-turned, and lies all four upward, as if the Earth had backed him, and he was riding into the Air. Sancho is uncanonically used, and stripped of his Cassock, under whose pious Covert many a Hen and Chicken hung, as small Birds in a cleft stick. The Ass is (as always) Animal cogitabundum & obtusum, and so stands, and they all not much unlike. But the Don is most dejected at the apprehension that these his Captives should return him stones for bread, pain for ease, and confinement, to a wild Mountain, for their enlargement to the wide world, where we must look him now, if we will find him, for the Don doth not go now to seek, but to hide.    

CHAP. IX.  
An Honourable Retreat, with Horses flying,  
With bodies furled, and Colours ' like men dying:  
Lance trailed, and Rosinantes pendent ears not pricked,  
Unless sometimes, when Don his dull sides kicked.  
Still like himself our Don, for as in fight,  
He ran into the thickest, so in's flight:  
No Hare so intricate a Maze could make,  
And by their Doubles they like courage take:  
But Sancho does run Counter-posting back,  
That he may find the Path in the same Track.  
But now they're got into the uncouth'st place  
Of all the Mountain, Where a little space  
Spent in Refection, little there was dressed,  
Their Belly's full, their bones were soon at rest,  
Here with eyes closed full close, and open nose,  
Knight and Squire-Errant, take their loud repose.  
Not Errand now, no not in dreams, nor thought;  
For want of Fancies Scouts, a Mischief's wrought;  
(Such as our aftertimes will sadly Rue)  
Sanch's Ass is stolen, (such Asses were but few.)  
And never brayed, nor gave the shrill Onch, Onch;  
For Passamont the slave had slily slunck  
Into Morena for a skulk, and gazing,  
Espies two Asses sleeping, and one grazing.  
These undisturbed he leaves; but takes great care  
For Sancho's Brute, to show him better fare.  
Pancha i'th' Morn' had even departed too,  
Not out, but in the Mountain, when the view  
of an old Wallet, lined with yellow Boys,  
Turned his Asse-Funeralls to gallant joys:  
He thinks not now of Tilt, nor to fight,  
But he will purchase Governments downright,  
He'll buy the Island of the needy Lownes,  
And for the future save their Pates, not Crowns.  
But O the Mischief! here's a devilish block,  
The Owner of the Gold, the Knight o'th' Roch  
Appears, and in strict hugs, and close embrace,  
The Knight o'th' Rock, and the Ill-favoured Face  
Encounter one the other; Tales are told,  
Which Sancho likes, but not a word o'th' gold.  

TEXT.  
TO do good to men unthankful, is to cast water into the Sea, etc.]  — Perditur Oceano gutta. 
Our English Proverb, though not against Ingratitude, is as smart; for it is all one to be unthankful as insensible, so that, To grease a fat Sow in the Tail, comes much to one end. But these two Proverbs in their executions and applications are not alike; for few throw water into the Sea; or if once it have been done, it is never seconded upon the same person. For we so naturally love Flattery and Applause for all our gratuities, that if we miss our vainglorious Harvest, we never sow seed in that barren and lethaean ground again. But on the other side, when we are in the vein of Presents, and that to great ones; Courtesies not acknowledged are suspected, that they were either guilty of Intempestivity and unseasonableness, or else of want of Worth and Glory. This puts the Client, the Suitor, the Flatterer, the Prodigo, the Expectant, to fresh charge and new counsel of gifts, till they have either wearied their Purses, or their eminent (but taking friend) into a small resentment, by importunity, and multiplied Repetition.  
The Holy Brotherhood care not two Farthings for all the Knight-Errants in the world.] A Brother of the Sword could do no more: but this Holy Brotherhood, were Brothers of the Whip, or Bulls-pizzle. I believe, (such as the Fratres of Bridewell) whom to offend is a double punishment, starving and stripping: they are revenged upon back and belly, giving this too little, and that too much. But Sancho doth very much dignify the Title of Knight-Errants, who it seems in Spain were esteemed no better than Vagrants, and passable from Tithing-man to Tithing-man.  
Upon condition thou shalt never tell any mortal Creature, that I withdrew for fear, but only to satisfy thy requests.] This Adventure of Sancho's promoting, was the safest they yet encountered, the Adventure of Retirement, which was well ominously, and politicly engaged on with an Oath of Secrecy. It will well become all spirits of equal undertake with our Don, and equal success, to swear their Seconds, and Company, never to reveal the unfortunate issue of any fight, nor the necessities of a Retreat, whether orderly, or otherwise, as great Fear or Apprehension of Danger shall direct. But that you may see in what a stout Accent, with that Princely Gate, what undaunted Countenance a Don can make an escape, take Sanctuary, or else, like Robin Hood, before the green Hills, presuming a shrug or two preparatively made: 
Thus highly speaks— The Knight that sneaks.  
Retreat! Retire! O base! But Sancho swear,  
Advance thy mouth unto our grisly hair,  
And knab a Lock of that contorted curl,  
That breaks the heart of fair Toboso's Gurle.  
Swear to a Hair, swear by these sable Locks;  
'Twas thy desire to live amongst Trees and Stocks;  
Swear that I went for Company, swear (Sirrah)  
That I ne'er led the way into Sierra.  
For though in all the Tables they shall find  
Me on the Forlorn, Sancho Panch ' behind;  
Yet in this business, (is't be cut in Brass,  
Or Wood, all's one) I followed here the Ass:  
For what could Rosinant do with his proud Bristles?  
The Ass was best for guide through Thorns and Thistles.     

CHAP. X.  
The Knight o'th' rock, and Knight o'th' harder face,  
Salute each other in most Courtly grace:  
Look on these postures, who'll judge him o'th' Rocks,  
Mad for a Mistress, or the Don for knocks  
Such civilised deportment, shows of Love,  
As Rock and Bad-face had been hand and Glove;  
With strenvous Compliments, (above the School,  
Of Sir John Daw, or Amorous La Fool.)  
The Don obtains Cardenio's woeful Tale.  
Where doth not Arms and Rhetoric prevail?  
Great was the attention o'th' Ill-favoured Knight,  
Who for Dulcinea was in woeful plight.  
As oft as Ferdinand Luscinda praised,  
A panting fear in his fond breast it raised.  
Toboso too was flesh and blood; and how  
If some great Prince should vacuate her vow?  
'Twould prove of dangerous consequence for us,  
To have our Ladies so adventurous;  
But yet Cardenio gave no ground to raise  
Such scruples, but Luscinda still doth praise,  
And prosecutes his Story with such grace,  
That it astonished all upon the place,  
And the Don too; for so it fortuned,  
He best the Tale into his Coxcombs head.  

TEXT.  
TRuly good Sir, whosoever you are, for I know you not, I do with all my heart gratify, etc.] Behold and view the very Picture of the Salutation-Taverne reformed; an Andaluzian, and a Manchegan in the Spanish mode, passing Punctilios upon one another. I wonder it scaped our Pencil men, especially when they had so many Signs to alter. A Knight-Errant and a Bedlam exactly drawn, in the liveliest postures of the Madrid Salutadoes, would have been as magnetic and beneficial to the house, as the Renowned pieces of john a Green, or Mul-sack.  
The Knight of the Rock did nothing but behold him, and re-beheld him from top to toe.] Certainly these two enlarged their Organs beyond the Sphere of their ordinary capacities. It is thought by the unusual dilatation of their optic Nerves, they had so far extended their eyes, that all that instant, they might have been taken for a brace of Saracens; and as their postures before made 'em unfit for Taverns, so these for Inns.  
After viewing him well he said, if you have any meat, give it me for God's sake.] Cardenio, being to make a full relation of his misfortunes, desires to eat first, and being quick at meat, was quick at work, for having filled himself from the Wallets, he forthwith filled their Ears with a most passionate Story, which he did more sagely and deliberately deliver, than could be expected from such wild looks, and strange postures. The Story you shall have in Verse, because it is long, and the bestowing Feet upon it, will make it pass away the quicker.  

Cardenio's story.  
My name is Cardenio, the place of my Birth, one of the best Cities in Andaluzia.  

1.  
Cardenio is my name, my Birth  
In one of Andaluzias  
Best Cities, which hath got the praise,  
For one o'th' choicest Seats on Earth.   

2.  
My Parents did in wealth abound,  
As I in sad Misfortunes do,  
(Wealth is no Antidote for Woe)  
Such as elsewhere cannot be found.   

3  
In the same Cities round there shined,  
A beauty of transcendent grace,  
Who made a Heaven of the place,  
Yet to my ruin was assigned.   

4.  
Luscinda was this Angel's name,  
And she had earthly glories too,  
(If Wealth and Honour aught can do,  
To magnify a Lady's Fame.)   

5.  
Love's fuel in our Childhood glowed,  
And when we knew not what w' would have,  
To amorous play ourselves we gave,  
And innocent fire along flowed.   

6.  
Until with years the flame grew high,  
And our wise Parents began to see,  
These fires could not extinguished be,  
But by our mutual tie.   

7.  
Luscinda's Father feared our Loves  
Might unresisted run, whereby  
A non-admittance unto me,  
My faith and loyal temper proves.   

8.  
Like Pyramus and Thisbe then,  
Through crannies we did Court,  
And chinks and holes, conveyed our sport,  
(Made stronger by her Father's Peneus)   

9  
Restraint in Flames and Currents stopped  
Run wilder, and most furious break  
Poor dams, (in Combat too too weak.)  
And winds opposed will ne'er be topped.   

10  
(Denied access, and tongues up tied)  
To Paper Stratagems we turned,  
Our passions then in Letters burned,  
And the conveyance was our pride.   

11.  
And by the Emblem of true Love,  
(A feathered Messenger well taught)  
Were constant Letters to us brought,  
And we well paid the Carrier Dove.   

12.  
On it, as on Luscindas' Lips,  
Were kisses plentifully laid,  
The Dove (as if account it made)  
The loving tally justly keeps:   

13.  
And with the letter would approach,  
Which ' oout her coloured Neck was hung,  
And soon as that was once unstrung,  
To Bill Luscinda 'twould encroach.   

14.  
So that Luscinda knowing well,  
The Bird did nothing, but 'twas taught,  
Her Lips unto like kindness brought,  
And paid my Favours with a fragrant smell.   

15.  
For that the kisses came from her,  
Might be assured to me, she summed  
Her Lips in Civet (I presumed)  
Which I upon her did confer.   

16.  
Thus did we blow our warm desires,  
And words (like wind) increased the flame;  
The papers did afford us game,  
We lived upon fantastic fires.   

17.  
At last, impatient of delaices,  
I undertook a deadly task,  
It was Luscinda stout to ask,  
Of her Loved Sire, and brook no nays.   

18.  
A thousand stops, a thousand onwards made.  
As damned to Sisyphus his stone,  
I forward went, yet back was thrown;  
Courageous now, and now afraid.   

19  
Courage at last prevailed, and I  
Accosted him, whom most I feared,  
And told him how I was endeared  
Unto Luscinda, she to me.   

20.  
My Love was Noble, and scorned stealth,  
A Jewel of that value should  
Be purchased by a servitude:  
A Thief is Master of no wealth.   

21.  
Wherefore his liking was the band,  
Which us yet severed binds,  
(Tied fast enough in heart and minds)  
And for the second tye I stand.   

22.  
An answer gracious he bestowed,  
That I vouchsafed to honour his,  
And made his only pledge my bliss,  
And sugared language plenty flowed.   

23.  
Then with a gravity he said,  
Cardenio, still thy Father lives,  
Both Parents legal consent gives,  
Let him but say't, and thine's the Maid.   

24.  
Such wings the Answer gave my soul,  
That I was straightway flying home,  
But thither when I joyful come,  
Strange news my wavering Fates control.   

25.  
As I my due approaches made,  
Resolved to ask Luscinda Wife,  
Duke Ricards Letter, as my life  
He bid me read, my Rise was laid.   

26.  
Cardenio, look you there, the Duke,  
I know not whence the occasion is,  
Courts you unto his Court in this,  
As in a glass your fortunes look.   

27.  
None of the least Grandees of Spain,  
(But yet in Andaluzia chief)  
Duke Ricard was; that my belief  
In his great Offers were not vain.   

28.  
The Invitation it was high,  
No less then be companion,  
Unto Duke Ricards eldest son;  
Few were so fortunate as I!   

29.  
And as I read, my heart did swell,  
Dilated with the joyful news;  
Fond Fool! I too ambitious,  
Thought happiness at Court did dwell.   

30.  
But then my Father struck me dumb,  
Saying Cardenio, yet two days,  
Thy welcome person with us stays,  
And then for Court, thy time is come.   

31.  
These were too big for one poor Breast,  
Nor could I keep them, but my fair  
Luscinda was to keep her share,  
That Cabinet became them best.   

32.  
With these a thousand kisses past,  
And promises of constancy,  
And tears did issue from her eye,  
And cried, pray heaven thy Love do last.   

33.  
Cardenio! and with that a sigh,  
Take heed Cardenio of the Court,  
It hath (my love) no good report,  
And thou art young, and absent I.   

34.  
Absent? Luscinda didst thou see?  
Where thou full deep engraven art,  
Thou'dst find thy picture in my h'art;  
Cardenio said, I live by thee.   

35.  
Then grasping her fair hand he vowed  
A constancy so firm and sure,  
Angelic Forms should not allure,  
(If they more fair could be allowed)   

36.  
Nay, nay, Cardenio you're at Court,  
Luscinda blushing said,  
(And by those colours Truth it made,)  
Which he devised in Love's sport.   

37.  
But envious Time cut off the rest,  
Of pretty talk; their lips do now  
Transact, all closely seal and vow,  
And unto secrecy are pressed.   

38.  
Parted at length with much a do,  
By the quaint'st language of the eye,  
A thousand farewells you might spy,  
If you do know the Art to woe.   

39  
Her Father now was come, and put  
An end to all, but thoughts;  
Salutes did pass, and both besought,  
That time true-love's knot might not cut.   

40.  
The good old Man could nought deny,  
(For on Luscinda he did dote)  
And as she would, he passed his vote,  
Lest crossing her should make her die.   

41.  
With these good Auspexes rejoiced,  
To the Duke's Court Cardenio flies,  
Where all regard well justifies;  
The Duke did Love him as 'twas voiced.   

42.  
Honoured by●h ' Duke, and 's eldest son,  
But envied of the followers,  
I found that flatteries and fears,  
Possessed wholly every one.   

43.  
It 'twas too much, they thought, that I  
Should in the Father and the son  
Hold such a strong affection,  
That they me nothing would deny.   

44.  
But when they saw Lord Ferdinand,  
(The second son of Duke Ricard)  
Show me such Love, such high Regard,  
They fawned on that they can't withstand.   

45.  
And then, as the known Favourite,  
I often was applied unto,  
And praises heard, which were not due,  
In which more danger is then spite.   

46.  
Don Ferdinand did so exceed  
In his exalted Love, that nought  
He feared or loved, his very thought  
He did impart, I was his Creed.   

47.  
Not his own Brother would he trust,  
(Though they did love most dear)  
With what he whispered in my ear,  
And once admit; retain I must.   

48.  
So dangerous the secrets are  
Of Princes, that they fire the breast,  
Where they lie lodged as a dark nest,  
And if divulged they make a War.   

49.  
But that which touched Lord Ferdinand,  
Was an unequal love he bore,  
Unto a Virgin rich and Fair,  
A Farmer's daughter of the Land.   

50.  
He told me all the passages,  
Of his long Suit, and how the maid  
Could by no Arts be once betrayed,  
Nor would give ear to wanton pleas.   

51.  
Which forced him to a solemn oath,  
Made only to entrap her soul,  
For he intended actions foul,  
Yet swore they would be married both.   

52.  
Then what my power was I tried,  
And with persuasion strong dissuade  
His further hanckring on the maid,  
Which all his honour vilified.   

53.  
What, would a Lord of so high blood,  
Such expectations from abroad,  
Take up a daughter of the road,  
And in a barn Nurse up his brood?   

54.  
What talk would this be in his own?  
And what in other Prince's Courts?  
Where your two names should be their sports,  
And the whole Table of the Town.   

55.  
What a defeat might it chance prove.  
Unto the Duke's contrived designs;  
If to some foreign Prince, he minds,  
To send you for a Noble Love.   

56.  
O (Sir) that gallant master are  
Of Valour, not to be envied,  
Nor equalled, let a worthy pride  
Make you disdain this humble Ware.   

57  
Don Ferdinand feared this loyal friend  
Might (as he meant) disclose his mind  
Unto the Duke; He than did wind,  
As if tothth' Sure he'd put an end.   

58.  
Cardenio, see, thou hast overcome,  
So Potent are thy words, so true,  
That I the mischiefs will ensue  
Foresee, thy reasons strike me dumb.   

59  
Come, let us fly temptations strong,  
They cannot follow where we'll go:  
For none but thee and I will know,  
Where we'll retire, from Love, and wrong.   

60.  
Thy City Famous is for breed  
Of the great Horse; under pretence  
Of buying these we will get hence,  
And with new work our Fancy feed.   

61.  
When he once named my Native place,  
You would not think with what content  
His plot did please me, for I went  
Joyed, I might see Luscindas' face.   

62.  
My Lord (said I) ye have Counselled right,  
Absence and business will estrange,  
And often minds with places change,  
Out of our thought, once out of sight.   

63.  
Having obtained the Father's leave,  
We forthwith will away,  
What danger may be in the stay,  
Your honour cannot but conceive.   

64.  
But Ferdinand had further reach,  
For he'd enjoyed his Country Maid,  
And of the effects was now afraid,  
Such works in time, themselves will peach.   

65.  
And though through oaths and vows he got  
A Jewel of a worthy price,  
Having a Dunghill for its rise,  
He did not value it a jot.   

66.  
Therefore with winged speed he posts  
From Court; (the Duke our leaves assigned)  
Our Gennets vied it with the wind,  
And brought us strait into our Coasts.   

67.  
According to his dignity,  
Lord Ferdinand was entertained;  
But I thought all my time profaned,  
Until Luscinda I did see.   

68  
We were not long ere we renewed  
Our joys and hopes; and now we strive,  
Our speedy Marriage to contrive,  
Which a small time should sure conclude.   

69.  
Nor could I hold, nor thought it fit,  
A parity of Love commands,  
But did disclose to Ferdinand,  
(O had I ne'er discovered it!)   

70.  
Luscindas' glories and her youth,  
Her beauties in so high a strain,  
That Ferdinand desired to gain  
The sight of such excelling truth.   

71.  
And his desire (O simple I,)  
Was from a window gratified,  
Whence he both mine and Nature's pride,  
With ravished Senses did espy.   

72.  
Vanish, saith he, all Faces yet  
That e'er my Fancy moved,  
They're now not worthy to be loved,  
she's Ivory, and they are Jet.   

73.  
Happy Cardenio in thy choice!  
That in thy Arms art sure to enclose,  
The lily's envy and the Rose,  
But that thou'rt her choice, more rejoice.   

74.  
For Ferdinand unhappily,  
A Letter from her hand had found,  
Which I had laid as under ground,  
But not secure from Jealousy.   

75.  
Therein my Innocent fond fair,  
In silken words upbraids my stay,  
And wittily chalks out the way,  
Lest I should pulingly despair.   

76.  
This Letter to the skies h'extolled,  
Ulysses to Penelope,  
And Ovid's Rarities did he  
Account as poorly pen●'d and bald.   

77.  
Others (said he) Cardenio  
Some single grace may have, but here  
Virtues are mounted in their Sphere,  
And no declining know.   

78.  
Luscindas' just and merited praise  
I loved to hear, but yet my thought,  
I did not liked and it had wrought  
In my sad heart, a jealous maze.   

79.  
For my Luscinda, as an Oak  
I confidently deemed, yet his  
Frequent and forced hyperboles,  
When no man thought of her, or spoke,   

80.  
Did raise some small suspicion,  
(Increased by's peeping in her Letters)  
Which (he swore) all were pleasing fetters,  
And proud should be of my condition.   

81.  
Nothing could scape his Eye, that went  
To her, or from her, he'd see all,  
A book she liked, 'twas Amadis D' Gaul.    
Scarce had the Don heard him make mention of books of Knighthood, etc.] Here is the Don's Cue, and he will enter, and speak in spite of a broken pate, which was sure to ensue, yet with more manners then ordinary, he excuses his interruption of the story, opening his foolish infirmity to Cardenio, and telling him plainly, that he was no wiser than he should be, and though his head was full of Books, it was like a Library, which was not a jot the learneder for them: But if so, it had been well, the Don would have bestowed Chains upon them, they would have stood the quieter in his own head, and would have been less troublesome to others.  
He is a bottle-head that would think otherwise, then that Elisabat the Barber kept Queen Madasina as his Lemon.  
Uvaque conspectâ livorem ducit ab vuâ.  
One Fool makes many.  
Humours are suddenly imitated, especially if there be any life and fancy in 'um. Many have by representation of strong paisions been so transported, that they have gone weeping, some from Tragedies, some from Comedies; so merry, lightsome and free, that they have not been sober in a week after, and have so courted the Players to re-act the same matters in the Taverns, that they came home, as able Actors as themselves; so that their Friends and Wives have took them for Tonies' or Madmen. It fell out here so, for Cardenio is raised a Cue above the Don, who was in the behalf of Ladies; but Cardenio is for the more dishonourable part, which is the occasion of a great quarrel.  
That is not so I vow, by such and such, quoth Don Quixot, in great choler.] If the Don had permitted Cardenio to have completed his story, he would not have been so fiery in the defence of Ladies; but (alterâ parte inaudiâ, the Don hearing but of one Ear;) this matter proved a dispute, for who knew Elisabat the Barber, or Queen Madasina better, the Don or Cardenio, is a hard question to resolve? (the Persons being no where in the world;) wherefore the Queen and the Barber being no where to be found, I do rather adhere to Cardenio's opinion, that they were together.  
Queen Madasina was a Noble Lady, and 'twas not to be presumed that she would fall in Love, etc.] The Don goes upon presumption for his Argument, and Oaths, the lie given, and Villainy for the Victory: These were indeed both presumptions, as it fell out; for great Ladies have miscarried in their affections, (though the Don was not yet beloved by any) and stories (his own stories) are full of their Levitieses, Inconstancies and Falsehoods, to their Knights; insomuch, as some have submitted to their Coachmen, Footmen, and Lords Pages, in a vacation of service. But the Lady Madasina, being a mere Chimaera, a name and nothing else, the Don therein, might justify the chastity of a Queen and no Queen; a Lady and no Lady; a name and no body. To the other presumption it was harder replied, for that part of it raised an adventure, wherein the Don had his usual fortune and success; for with a well ordered and right guided stone thrown by Cardenio, (now in his fits,) Quixot was confuted flat, and lay on his back, indifferent for the present, whether Madasina were vitiated by Elisabat or no.  
Sancho seeing his Master so roughly handled, etc.] Compassionate Sancho! That good Nature should betray a man into mischief! Yet aliquod Malum, propter vicinum, and like Master like Man, is a Proverb, at this time very true; for Cardenio (feeling the rude assault of his clown's fist) runs upon him with more than Humane violence, and turns the tunnebelly, and rides him in worse fashion, than our Countryman Coriat did the Barrel at Hiddleberg; But Cardenio did so trample him, that he made him run worse liquor by half, and after he had pressed him, and flatted him like a Pancake, he imitated his companions, the Goats, and left Sancho to the Goatheard.  
The dispute ended in catching one another by the Beards.] 'Tis not always true, that 'tis merry when Beards wag all, for these men's Beards wagged as fast as they could tug 'em, but moved no mirth at all; they were verifying that Song 
Of heigh brave Arthur O' Bradly,  
A Beard without hair looks madly.   
Two Ancient Reverend Men, had almost disthatched their Faces, and could neither of them sue for distraminations. If Quixot had not recovered out of his sound, and reconciled this difference, his Squire Sancho might have passed for his Page, he had been made so smooth chinned, and the Goats would never have owned such a beardless boy as the unstead Goatheard for their leader. But the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face, seeing the misusage of theirs, thought he might lose his own title, or have a compartner; which is very dishonourable, that any should give the same Field, world, or devise, as himself. Wherefore he parts them; now very fit for Mr Elisabat the Barber, if he had done with Queen Madasina.    

CHAP. XI.  
Our Don is now a Mountanier, a Sect  
Sometimes, who in the Worlds neglect  
Abandoned the Community of others,  
And lived in Deserts, (discontented Brothers.)  
But not in imitation of Montanus,  
Shunning the world, (as if it would profane us.)  
Doth Quixot take the Mountain to abide in?  
But he had read, Orlando ran beside himself,  
Self, 'Cause Angelica the fair played fowl,  
And 'twas as fit for him to play the Owl:  
But chiefly he was headlong driven to it,  
Because that Amadis d' Gaul did do it  
Upon disdain of Oriana, who  
Did, as Angelica before did do:  
Wherefore a Penance, the good Amadis,  
(Never such tenderhearted Knight's a● these)  
Imposes on himself; So doth our Don,  
(For if there Mad men be, he'll sure make one)  
And doth outact Du Gaul, and wild Orlando,  
And does much more yet, then ever yet did man-do.  

TEXT.  
IF Fortune had so disposed of our affairs, as that Beasts could speak, (as they did in the Guisipetes time) the harm had been less, for than would I have discoursed with Rosinante.] Sancho doth very bitterly, but very simply complain against the safe and incomparable use of silence, admirable if voluntary, indeed less commendable if imposed; and because he doth instance of that happy time of the (Guisipetes) wherein Beasts had the freedom of speech; it shall be made appear to Sancho, that there was no such time, when the Creature spoke, or if at any time it did, it was but once, and that an Ass too. The Guisipetes were a people of Sancho's onwe making, for no History, nor Chronology, ever heard of 'em, and it may be, were those where he was to be Governor of, unless he mean the Antipodes, where notwithstanding, the common error men go upon their feet, and the Beasts speak as they do now, and ever did. It is silence in Beasts, that hath kept them at such Amity, as they are, peace and quietness; there is no challenges amongst them, no Duels, no Wars, (except what are fictions of the Frogs and Mice) and the Frogs indeed, (a croaking generation) that is somewhat near speaking, have incurred by their mutinous noise jupiters' great rage. But the rest of the sensible Creatures, having some two or three natural sounds for the significations of their several wants or satisfactions, live contented, that is, speechless, saying nothing, and grow fat upon it; for talking spends the Spirits, and Livia's would never be fat.  Eheu quam pingui macer est mihi Taurus in Arvo? 
That was a bellowing Bull, that in the best Pasture, Sancho, will never thrive; an Ass that brays in that manner, will eat but few Thistles: Nay, reasonable Creatures, to whom Language is permitted, the wisest are counted the less talkative, the wisest of Nations (which our Don counts his own, and it might have passed, had he not spoiled the Universality of it) are no pratlers, and very weary in answering frivolous questions, passing off replies in a politic silence; the Country shrug, and a considerative gloat of the Eye, which are main good preventives in a place troubled with the Inquisition. What a miserable things is it, to hear Men and Women every where almost, saying, would my Tongue had been out when I spoke it: That Tongue of yours will undo you. Aesop's two dinners of the same sort of meat, may very well show the vanity of Sancho's wish; where, of bad Tongues he provideda most plentiful Feast, but of good ones, he could scarce make a mess. I would Pythagoras were alive again, that men might be taught silence for seven years, and a seven years' custom would not easily be broken. The Don sure was a Pythagorean, for he had enjoined silence, and for a time he practised it: But Sancho now being wild and passionate for the loss of his Ass, he will no longer live in that safe condition of Mutes, (whom as no man will hurt, so the grand Signior doth highly Honour and trust) but most foolishly obteines the liberty of speech again, which did engage him into many adventures, and that his Tongue might go a little, hath been the occasion that his head hath too often run.  
I' faith Sancho, if thou didst know how Honourable the Queen Madasina is, thou wouldst say I had great Patience, that I did not strike thee on the Mouth.]  
See the fruits of his freedom of speech; his Mouth is no sooner opened, but 'tis like to be sealed up again. Sancho's tongue was like a Bells clapper, beating others, and ever beat itself, and never better than when it was an end. Who would have such an instrument, that should be always jarring? Sancho, return to silence, and to security, Canst not thou (Fool) content thyself with thinking; your Thinkers do more knavish, mischievous things unpunished, and unblameable, than any of the subtlest railers in the World. Sancho, be tongue-tied again, or lose thy teeth, never speak much, but confine they self to some few and necessary queries, ask for Money, ask for meat, ask for the way, and ask for plasters. These things are but short, and yet it will be long before you get them.  
The truth of the History is, Mr Elisabat was very prudent, and a man of great judgement, and served the Queen as Tutor and Physician.] The Don hath given a degree to day, and made a mad Dr in the Forest of Stenna Morena: To justify the quarrel, he hath created Elisabat Dr and Tutor to Madasina; the degree of Physic was the most proper he could think of in that place, for it was naturally made for simpling, where the Don gave a great augmentation in his own person.  
Those that suspect and affirm that she was his Friend, I say again they lie; and those that either thinker or say it, lie a thousand times:] This kind of Confutation, is not only Spanish, but hath got into other Countries, where if it be emphatically spoken, that is, stoutly and in full accent, it confounds for the time. But suppose one think so but once, who shall know it? and if he say it no more, how shall he lie a thousand times? Our Don is transported mainly with Mr Elisabat, and I do believe he hath some plot upon him, to change Basins with him, for Mambrimo's Helmet was most ruefully battered: that he is so favourable to Physicians, may in time procure a Counsel to mend his Balsamum Fierebras, and the promotion of a Barber Surgeon to a Doctor, (Things done by wiser men than Don Quixot) they will confer their Plaster-boxes, and poor Sancho and thyself shall no longer be tied to that poor refuge of Piss and Oaken leaves.  
Thou must wit that desire of finding the Madman alone, brings me not into these parts so much.] As for that, he meant to turn Mad man himself. Now, whether a man may abdicate his reason, renounce his understanding for a time, and discover (if not discovered) no reasonable Acts, whereby a man should not undifference him from a Beast, and live and enjoy himself in the sensitive part alone, is a hard matter to determine, and harder to do. To counterfeit Madness is ordinary, and to be really so, more. Bedlam affords you these; the streets (if not better places) the other. After Death, the Pythagoreans averred a transmigration of Souls into new Bodies, and oftentimes entered the Soul of a Philosopher into a Goose; shifted Alexander's gallant Spirit into a Dotterel, and such like changes, as Lucian, or such abusive Forges, had a fancy to fashion 'em in. But these are fantastical conceits; our Don is real, he will put off the Man, and put on the Beast, only reserve to himself the benefit of Speech, which whether man have, or not have, he cannot be said to be out of his Senses for the matter: Strong passions left too long unsuppressed, may overthrow the temper of the brain, and totally subvert the rational parts, and some paisions counterfeited long, whether of grief or joy, have so altered the personaters, that players themselves (who are most usually in such employments,) have been forced to fly to Physic, for cure of the disaffection, which such high penned humours, and too passionately and sensibly represented have occasioned. I have known myself, a Tyrant coming from the Scene, not able to reduce himself, into the knowledge of himself, till Sack made him (which was his present Physic) forget he was an Emperor, and renewed all his old acquaintance to him; and it is not out of most men's observation, that one most admirable Mimic in our late Stage, so lively and corporally personated a Changeling, that he could never compose his Face to the figure it had, before he undertook that part. The Knight of the Ill-favoured Face, had much done to his hand, in his intended Emigration; for counterfeiting there was not much need, (if hunger did not make a revocation of his little wits at any time.) For Crabs, Haws, Acorns, Berries, agreeing naturally with his complexion, and embettered his Face to all purposes: I do believe it 'twas possible for the Don, for a certain time to lose his Wits, and to revoke so much as he parted withal, and be not a grain the wiser at their return.  
Have I not told thee already saith Don Quixot, that I mean to follow Amadis, by playing the despaired Wood and Mad man.] The example of Amadis, is very autorative with our Don, but why he should rather labour to imitate him in this fit of Madness, then-in any other of his magnanimous Acts, is very strange; no, it is not so strange, but a common thing: When did you see a wise example followed by many, or any? Let it alone, 'tis grave, staunch, and singular. Thin are the appearances at Gresham College, when the Bearegarden, the Cock pit is thronged with Company: If Bartholomew Fair should last a whole year, not Pigs not Puppet plays would ever be surfeited of. The wenches could live and die with Jack-pudding, what flocking of good wives and Pickpockets to a Ballad? or if at any time a Mad man have broke his custody, he shall have more followers than pittiers. Our Don is of this number, who cannot read of a mad prank, bu● he must augment the sport, and rather than he'll have no part in the Stage, he'll play the mad man.  
I believe (quoth Sancho) the Knights which performed the like penance, had some reason for their austerities, etc.]  Insanio cum ratione; 
To play is allowable (quoth Sancho,) I have lost my Ass; for me to be beside myself, were a pardonable thing: But for you, who have lost nothing, but the way home and your wits, why should you be madder yet? who have a Mistress, Lady, Queen, (what do you call 'em) that is secure of her honour, whom no Prince, Knight, Enchanter, Moor, nor the Devil himself would come near: Why should you run mad? unless that 'tis your good hap, to have such a singular piece, that you need never be jealous, never keep a spy, never use Italian gimcrack, or any restraint upon; and do you therefore surfeit of happiness, and are mad, because you have no cause to be so? Amadis had a pouting slut, a sullen huzzy, he should have curried her Coat, and ne'er run mad for it. Our Mary Gutierez, when she was in the Mubble●ubles, do you think I was mad for it? no, no; I took my Ass (O that I could do so now) and went to the next good Town, and let it Jubble out as it Mubbled in. Orlando indeed had some reason to be mad, Angelica made him horn mad; now here's some cause. But you are an obstinate Mad man, and will be Mad, because you will be so; Dulcinea del Tobos● having not given you the least occasion.  
The wit is in waxing mad without a cause.] Herein the Don is paradoxical, and singular, and will make himself the first Inventor, de Arte Amentandi, though he gain but few followers, now by frequent private practices upon himself, as by being quarter Mad, half Mad, and three quarters Mad upon several experiments, is the full Midsummer Moon madness to be attained unto. No doubt he had passed the three first trials, and was very near his perfection: The first quarter it is totty & freekish; the second, fantastical, melancholy and suspicious; the third, quarrelsome and injurious, and then pure phrenetical. Our Knight is now in the increase, he hath but a wild dispatch or two to Toboso, and you shall have him in the full; and then he's for the King of Spain, and Dulcinea del Toboso!  
For he that shall hear you name a Barber's Basin, Mambrino's Helmet.] Sancho in this censure, discovereth his Master's aptness and preparedness, for the encounter of Penance, and that he was a Knight of so great curiosity, that he went the most appointed, and disappointed, unto any adventure, of any Knight in the World, being at that time the only Knight-mark of the East and West, and alone acted in the empty Theatre of the World. Captain jones was many years since down in the Annals; and now to see, when his head should be busy composing Love-letters to Dulcinea, his Heroic brains are working, where he may find some wandering Tinker, to mend that scar of the broken Helmet; But dull-pate his man, upon the strength of sensitive observations, cannot be persuaded out of his error, that it was a Basin. O curvae in Terras animae, his Soul was as disordered as the Helmet, which the Don beholding in the notion and rapture of his new vertiginous brains, left it with Sancho till it was unenchanted by some man of Metal, or else some Necromancer: For it was as sure to return to the shape of Mambrinos' helmet, as his own face after all his labours was to be changed, if any would change with him.  
The Knight of the ill-favoured Face made choice of this Place.] The Scene is laid, the Play will follow, he hath much to do, and little business troubles him: But now he is worthily taken with the site of his Stage, whereon he means to outdo jeronymo, and this rapture of his is the best valediction to sense as could be thought on; for here is some to be found, which because it is of Poetical fancy, though spun in prose, I shall endeavour to give you't according to the natural air of it.  

The Don's welcome to the Woods.  

O ye the Gods and Powers of the Place,  
Wood-ticks and Goat-ticks, spoil my Ill-favoured Face;  
If any thing should charm mine eyes asleep,  
Or the Enchanter Morpheus on me creep:  
I do not choose this place for sleep, though here,  
Temptation is enough, the murmurer,  
(The silver ratler on the gravelly path)  
And gentle wind, which his soft lulling hath,  
And moving boughs, which many a Nymph hath brought  
To her repose, and more than that, 'tis thought.  
I come Loud Music to the place, you're soft,  
Yet when I'm hoarse, I then will hear you oft.  
O you that in the Woods do 'bide, green Dryads,  
Behold my pranks, and you above wet Pleiades.   

Come forth you Fawns and frisking Satyrs,  
And in mad fits, be my fellow Wa'ters.  
O had I horns, (I'll send) and hoofs like you!  
The one perchance I have: what would I do?  
I'd take a leap into the horned Moon;  
And view at once a Corporation,  
The largest in the World, and being there,  
I'd wind my Horns, and cry, Brethren up here.  
But since we can't, we'll fool it bear below,  
I do intend to be a lasting show;  
Surrounded with my Satyrs, Fawns, my Kids and Goats,  
What brave loud Music will it be to hear our Throats.   

3  
Sancho, thou partner of my ways and woes,  
Whom I must send, my secrets to disclose.  
Remember how I sigh; and thump this Bre'st  
(A Pox upon the Corslet;) void of rest  
Till thou return me news from her, who is  
The Loadstone of this man of steel: The bliss  
Of this abandoned wight, the star that rears  
My desperate Valour, e'● o'er head o'er ears.  
Sancho, if she should drop a tear, when thou  
Tell'st this sad story, of my Mad man's vow;  
Catch it be sure, and in some Crystal Vial,  
Preserved with care, for I will make a trial;  
And to the World will justify the Pearl ● ' th' Glass,  
More Sovereign than was Balsamum Fierebras.   

4.  
This having said, he lighted from his Brute,  
('Twas strange that Sancho suffered him to do't)  
Unsaddles and unbridles Rosinant,  
(Long did poor Rosinante those favours want)  
And on his buttock striking him: O horse,  
(That with me hast seen better days and worse.)  
Take now thy Liberty he said, take Mare;  
(More than thy Master ever did I'll swear)  
And know that in thy Forehead, though no star  
E'er was, yet Perseus' Horse thou 'xceedest far,  
Or Pacolets, or Bradamants, or Hippo-gryphon,  
Which the renowned Astolpho vent'red still his life on.    
Isay content yourself with breaking your head on the water, or with Cotton or Wool.] If Sancho had been a Confessor, he would have enjoined very easy Penance. But the Don is resolved to smart for no water, but Rock water, and in that he will i'll his head and whole body, until it be petrified, and able to endure knock for knock with a Rock. Cotton? to Cotton (as they say) ones Coat, that is, to baste it. Wool to Sancho, but then when my flayed Corpse (by the touch of the most softest Down) would be in pain and anguish: No, no (Sancho) I am not in jest. By my order of Knighthood, Sancho, I must not lie; and therefore be expeditious in thy return, lest thou findest thy macerated Master, more like a Skeleton then a Body, and so goest a farther search, not imagining that that can be the Don: Lint I have none, unless thou leave some, and the Balsamum Fierebras is all consumed. Selfe-preservation, (though I mean Tortures and Whips unto my body,) must be thought on, for I have much to do, and much to suffer. The suffering part comes first, which being over, Sancho, thy government, and our greatness doth draw nigh.  
Quia ab inferno nulla retentio; as I have heard say.] No? Sancho, that's neither right nor right Latin; For Orpheus●laid ●laid out his Euridyce; Theseus returned victorious; Herculos led away the three chopped Porter, and broke down the black Gates; and ever since (nulla retentio indeed) Hell is broke loose; you may now have free ingress, and egress, and regress.  
Now since we have no Paper, we may do well imitating the Ancient Men in times past, to write our minds in leaves of Trees.] The Don was to be wood himself, and favoured that Antiquity therefore: Bark there was plenty, but where were the engraving Tools? The Don though a great cutter and ●lasher for distressed Ladies, could not make incision into a Tree for his Dulcinea. Had she been a Tanner's daughter, it had been the most proper missive, possible to be imagined; but (as she is) most agreeable with her Hide. So as they say, if one would present a thing to like one, he should have sent that. But Paper is the great want. It is a great query, whether it had not been better the invention had never been, and it had been wanting still, or that the Don had amongst his adventures, destroyed and confounded all Paper Mils? as he did, or would have done (at the encounter of the sound) the Fulling ones, not that Paper is of its self pernicious, dangerous, or of evil consequence; it being the fairest child of foul Parents, that ever was, converting the Axiom, corruptio pessimi est generatio Optimi. For from rags, Snattocks, Snips, irreconcilable and super-annuated Smocks and Shirts, come very fair sheets; so that had not Writing and Printing corrupted so fair an invention, by the pestilent matter that they cast upon it, the project was of great use, as to put under Apple pies, make Lanterns in dark nights, Burn-graces in Summer to save children's Faces, and Stomachers against the wind, (as they call 'em) when they are indeed very cleanly coverts for foul Shirts, (since the fashion of unbuttoned Doublets) besides the great service it stands Barbers in, for pictured Lanterns, and Card-makers; and then ends not so unserviceably, but departs (somewhat blewly indeed) in being matches for your tinderbox. But for this query, 'tis alike with those of Gunpowder, Tobacco, Printing, Writing, (whether it had been better they had never been) most men thinking their inconveniences to exceed their conveniences. Let it alone for me; the Don is to write Letters, and we must have Paper, or somewhat like Paper, or all the encounter of Madness is spoiled. But happily, and in a good hour, Cardenio's Tablets supply the defect. You will have the Letter in time, bless the Don, he do not make a long one.  
Ta damn (quoth Sancho) that the Lady Dulcinea of Toboso is Lorenco Corcuelo's daughter, called by another Name, Aldonca Lorenco. I know her very well, quoth Sancho, and I dare say, etc.  

Sancho's description of DON QUIXOTS Lady.  
Mopsa on stilts, was not so high, nor big,  
Fair as the farrowing Sow, pert as her Pig;  
Maypole of flesh, dancing and danced about,  
Her mother's Wonder, and her Father's Doubt:  
For ne'er was such a shriveled star veling fellow▪  
As her supposed Father, Corcuelo.  
Some high Germane thrassers, who indeed,  
Hoped to have peopled Countries of that breed;  
Her Sex's Champion, now, She● Hercules,  
(Whom had he seen) before all Omphale's  
He must have matched, (unless at sight afraid)  
His thirteenth Labour, the great Bosse 〈◊〉 had made.  
A new rigged Ship, with all her Sails fair spread,  
Looks like Aldonca stretching her from bed;  
But hardly I believe have any Ships  
So strong a gale, as blows from her large Hips:  
She if in place where the Colossus was,  
Might 'twixt her strides unstruck-saile Vessels pass.  
Had there been Beauty to those parts, she'd been  
The very statue of Original sin.  
Born to great Titles, (though from low descent)  
The Don could not her honours much augment;  
She as she grew, got natural Heraldry,  
Her Highness and her Greatness, none deny.   
None will say but you did very well, if the Devil carried you away.] Sancho, rather than have Aldonca Loreneo to be his Don's Empress, and so by consequence his fusty Mistress, commends his Master, and furthers the design of Madness: Any thing, the Devil and all take him, rather than he take Aldonca. An excellent remedy, certainly against Love! such another, as one having lost, said of his wife (the party deceased) that he had lost as good a wife as any man would desire to part withal; It may be of such a wife it was, that the poor fellow carrying to Bedlam, (said) being pitied as he went along the streets, the people crying, what will his poor wife do; nay (friends) I am not so mad yet.  
Though thou hast but a gross wit, yet thy jests ●ip.]  Ridentem dicere verum— quis vetat— 
This ridiculous fool spoke smartly, and under the merry description of Aldonca Lorenc●, makes bold to disparage his Master's Election, and puts the slut upon her, and the fool upon him. This made the Don take pepper in the nose, and unwilling to remand him silence, answers him with a Story of a widow, which is this in a short Epigram.  
A widow of a plump estate;  
Lived near unto a College;  
And matched the Porter of the Gate,  
But passed the men of Knowledge▪  
Whereat the Rector of the place,  
(A grave and reverend sir)  
Sent for his neighbour, and the case  
He thus put unto her.  
Had I so many Graduates,  
And able Scholars too,  
And have the most ungentle Fates  
The Porter given to you?  
The widow answered modestly,  
As for that able stuff,  
I like; he hath Philosophy  
Enough (Sir) and enough.  
For all the Poets which celebrate certain Ladies at pleasure, think'st thou that they had all Mistresses? Dost thou believe the Amaryllies, the Phyllies, etc.] Now, now he is in his fit: O thou more than Ill-favoured faced Don! what harm did the poor Poets do thee that thou must insinuate to the world, that they had only chymericall, and imaginary Ladies, and never knew the duties of a nuptial night, or came to a Zonam solvit diu ligatam, or reap the sweet pledges of those pleasant encounters, when Homer lay with his own Wife, Ovid with his own; and more, Virgil kept at home with his own wife, till the Soldiers disturbed him, and sent him to Augustus for relief. Catullus, Tibullus, Propertius, had three wives, or else did worse; Lucan was the Country man, and you know the temper of the Country, you cannot live without wives or whores. Petrarch (the Great and Laureate) had his chaste, and until this day unblemished Laura; and all the Poets (until wives were interdicted Priests) had real Mistresses or wives. Our Modern Poets, had one or two wives apiece. Poets, they are composed of such a Spirit, and salt volatile, (that unless you fix 'em at home with an amiable object of their own) not Caesars Livia could be free from their inveiglings. But a wife is better than Patmos, better be in the bands of Matrimony, than such Fetters. Our Nation also hath had its Poets, and they their wives: To pass the Bards; Sir jeffery Chaucer lived very honestly at Woodstock, with his Lady, (the house yet remaining) and wrote against the vice most wittily, which Wedlock restrains. My Father Ben begat sons and daughters; so did Spencer, Drayton, Shakespeare, and more might be reckoned, who do not only word it, and end in ●iery Sylvia's, Galataea's, Aglaura's; 
— sed de virtute locuti,  
Clunem agitant—  
'Tis possible to speak of holy life,  
And anon after Solace ones own wife.   
But that the Don is slept with the Giants, Knights Templars, and there would be foul raking in the dust. At this time we might justly quarrel with him, for we have our Poets, who are Knights, and they have Ladies, and those Ladies are their wives: Wherefore this is the greatest scandalum Poetarum, that ever could be. But what shall one say to a mad man? nothing: he'll make sport anon for it, and there will be satisfaction.  
Neither can Helen approach, nor Lucreece come near her.] True, (Don) they are far enough, and fast enough; yet surely, Helen and Lucreece put together with Paris and Sextus in conjunction, might something match her in the waist, if happily they were now flourishing, as she is. Tatius and Cloacina might come near certainly, and it is strange she is not called to be of the privy attendance to Cloacina, for no soul ever uttered more constantly, or in a larger proportion than Aldonca, at their houses of ease, insomuch, that she called in Votaries, with the high strains, and Jeering expressions she always made. But might not one with a Clove and Orange come near her? is she more sweet than an Anatomy, or the Bearegarden, or a nest of Polecats, or a Tanne-pit, or a Soap Kiln?  
Mysterious Fragrancies, Perfumes so close,  
It doth escape the most sagacious Nose.  
In the same sense I believe it is to be understood, as the like expression to a Barber, who having lost all his custom, bewailed his misfortunes to his friend; saying, (Sir) why should it be thus, my shop is the best in Town, my person tractable; I dare compare for an Eye, Leg, Hand, or Foot, with any man upon the place; and his Friend added (unmercifully,) and for thy Trade there's no man comes near thee.  
Hear it then quoth Don Quixot, for thus it says, Sooner aigne Lady, etc. Thine until Death, the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face.] This is pure, his own invention, the marrow of the Do●s brains, the ●rightest sparkle of his fancy, not miserably patched up out of Books of Love-letters, or his own Books of Errantry, (the ordinary helps for the Amoroso's of the Time) for a compellation to a Lady, and abasement (for so are subscriptitions) of his own self; I do not think Rabelais can equal it. (Sovereign Lady,) what could be said more, to signify her height and greatness? (Thine until Death, the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face) What greater affront could he put upon himself, then to dedignify his countenance, as not worthy to be looked on by a Lady, nay, making it a scarecrow and Bugbear. This is Ars procandi, Wooers policy, but yet he in the body of the letter follows his Compliments. (Sweetest Dulcinea of Toboso) There was not one in that Country of such a scent: And anon after, (O beautiful ingrate!) You may make three words if you will of it, as Fair have been seen, in or at a Grate. But she as equally entitled one as the other; for till this Letter (which was never sent) she could not be guilty of ingratitude, and ignoti nulla Cupido; how could her Beauty entangle that was impossible to be seen?  
Sancho swore by his Father's life, it was the highest thing he ever saw in his life.] The hope of his Asses makes him turn parasite. Had he read his Letter on the top of Sienna Morena, it had been higher far. But Sancho is so much in his Master's flattery, that he makes the Devil himself of him. (who is Prince Errand o'er the whole world) So highly is he transported with the thought of Mary Gutierez, and the riding Rosinante, that he leave● the Don possessed of the Principality of the air, and as freely bestows it upon him, as he hereafter would dispose to Sancho the Government of an Island. Sancho will have warrant signed in his Masters now Title, for th● Asses perchance, and then he might be gone in the Devil's name.  
It is very necessary that I see you do one trick.] Sancho is got into the saddle, and rides Rosinante and Master too; now his worship is pleased to see a trick. The Don, as if under (Tonies') correction, presently disrobes his lower Wardrobe, and like an Ape (deorsum nudus) shows himself to be descended from Hercules by the melan-pygitie, (that is, the grizlinesse) of his posteriours, which were (no disparagement to his looks) as Ill-favoured as his face; Besides others fights there were, wherein he seemed a Mongrel, and not of the right Herculean Line. Yet like him too, when he was Furens, for they both are in their shirts, though the Dons was the fowler; Hercules his the worse, and more pernicious: Mad both too, but upon several grounds, one for a Smock, the other with a Shirt.  
One dies empoisoned by the blood of Nessus,  
And Don runs mad for a worse Beast; God bless us.    

CHAP. XII.  
Soon are his friscoes over, (Sancho gone,)  
It was too violent an exercise for one  
Of Limbs so mortified; ' its very much,  
If these few Tortures send him not tothth' crutch.  
Wherefore resolved against Orlando's way,  
he'll save his flesh, and only weep and pray,  
(As once did Amadis,) a sober madman,  
A Poenitentiary, or sad-man:  
A bitter Penance doubtless (Don) befalls,  
When that the Beads upon his wrists were Gauls.  
Then most like Amadis-next he confesseth  
All his whole life, which why he here suppresseth  
(Who wrote the Book) 's unknown; but I shall get ye  
A taste of it, out of old Cyd Hamette;  
He also treats of Sancho, how he ●anted,  
When he his Letters and the warrant wanted,  
Deeming he had lost what he did ne'er receiv●,  
Till that the Curate and his Friend retrieve  
The Letter to his memory, but so confused,  
That not a word the Faithful Sancho true said:  
The Asses are secured him, and the Letters  
Should be revived, or else made something better.  
Thus Sancho's pacified, and all are plotting,  
To fetch the Don from this mad course he's got in;  
Agreed upon't, away they all go trotting.  

TEXT.  
LET the remembrance of Amadis live, and be imitated as much as may be by Don Quixot of the Mancha.] Second thoughts are best: Retra●●ations of what we have untowardly designed, wrote or spoke, show not a man only wise, but Master of his own passions and humours, which some men are so in Love withal, that if once they have engaged in a business, they will through, though they meet with an hundred inconveniences, and selfe-reproofes in the way. Wiser did the fellow, who having lost a great sum of money at Dice, got loose from the company, and then grew desperate upon the apprehension of the estate he was in▪ murmuring and muttering to himself, that on the next convenient post he would hang himself; the garters were taken off, the place was chosen, where by the help of a stall, it was feasible to fasten his garter to the Signpost, and a short speech of his foolish and ill-spent life, he was preparing for execution, when on a sudden, a merry tune came into his head, which one would have thought his farewell hymn, and that called into mind his companions, with whom he used to chant it; whereupon he pulls down his garter, and went away, saying, I reprieve thee from day to day, until thou diest a natural death; this was a wise recantation. Such was our Do●●s, who (not without his Penitential Psalm, as we shall hear anon) forsook his first resolution of tormenting, wounding, starving, and almost annihilating himself with fastings, watchings, and other pe●rsonall afflictions, and makes choice of the more rational and easy way of D●-Gaul, which kept him in a whole skin. A Eremite he wanted to impart his grief and life unto, from whom an absolution would have been of much comfort to him; but some pieces of his confession Cyd Hameti Benengeli hath preserved, taken out of decayed rinds of trees; one which (being the most ancient and reverend stock of the place, having only two arms left, and those as it were stretch● out, to bless or receive a Penitent,) he fell down before.  
He was much vexed in his mind, for want of an Eremite to hear his confession.  

The Confession of Don Quixot, taken out of some fragments of Cyd Hameti Benengeli, and are in Latin in the Original.  

1.  
Grandaeve, & constans Pater, Fateor  
Me non esse Dominum de Gateor,  
Nec, (quantumvis amens hic amando)  
Furiosum, qui dictus est Orlando,  
Sed per Orbiculos Petri & Pauli  
(Hos fellis globos,) sum Amadis Du Gauli.   

2.  
Erravi fateor, cum patribus meis,  
Erravi pater, cum, & sine eis:  
Doce, quaeso, quo me vertam, quia  
Nec fui, nec Futurus sum in vid.   

3.  
In aurem fateor haec s●surrans  
juvenis Consilium omne abhorrens,  
Consulta sprevi matri● atqu● Patris▪  
Qui designaverunt me aratris.   

4.  
Sed addixi me Legendis Libris  
Permendacibus & comburendis,  
Vbi de militibus pugnacibus  
Invulneratis Ferro, & facibus  
Miranda vidi, & mulieres  
Quas vivendo paenè Lapis fieres▪  
Sed pater, quod ad res venereas,  
Siquid unquam novi, malè Pereas.   

5.  
Parentibus defunctis per dium  
Et Domus erant mihi taedium.  
Fabulis refertus feror pronus  
Ut miles essem, valeat Colonus.  
Conscendo aequum mox & capio arma,  
Et cum Conto Cuspide, & Parmâ,  
Que non tuli (pater) que non feci?  
Plusquam, (quando egressus sum,) conjeci.   

6.  
Enumerare velim libens, etc.    
Upon six several Trees, were these lines engraven, and on the sixth something was begun; which whether by injury of weather, or time erased and confounded, is a shrewd scar, and loss to this History. Some supplements from Arabian Neotericks we have, which seem to complete his confession and absolution, which you shall have translated into the Mother Tongue, for that was his Fathers, to wit, his Confessors.  

1.  
Sheep-slaughter, and Sheep-murther,  
I do confess, and further  
(Having no Providore)  
The Poultry fell good store:  
These peccadilloes Father,  
You may forgive the rather,  
Because sometimes by hunger put-on;  
But by Nature I loved Mut-ton.   

2.  
Grice Mill, and Fulling Mill,  
I did attempt to Kill,  
But bloodshed there was none,  
And Penance for the one  
I did i'th' air, my Horse  
And I, are still the worse.  
But O the Coarse! who will me save,  
Who fought a Corpse out of its Grave●   

3.  
Father I have a number  
More faults, (which castith ' lumb●r)  
As swearing, telling lies  
Of ungot Victories;  
And crying up the sooty  
Aldonca for a beauty.  
O by thy stretcht-out Arms declare,  
That all these errors pardoned are.   
Now these Modern Writers say, that a Goatheard had concealed himself in a Cork Tree near the Oak, to hear Don Quixots Sonnets and complaints, and desirous to make up the Scene, spoke from his hollow in a loud voice.  

The Goath●ards absolution.  
Son, I have heard thy words, thy sighs and groans,  
Thy verses and thy lamentable tones:  
I do alsolve thee, but you promise must,  
By no means to take Giants upon trust,  
And 'cause your Windmill was the first ill fate,  
Be sure to have a Windmill in your pate;  
And 'cause you run at Sheep, I do command  
You wear a goodly Sheep's tail for a Band.  
For the assault o'th' Coarse, about your bed,  
And rings (when that you have 'em) carve deaths head:  
As for your lying and your fearful oaths,  
When you leave one, I wish you to leave both.  
Arise and thank the gods, who pitying thee,  
Gave Arms to th' Oak, and tongue to the Cork Tree.   
The Don took the miracle of his absolution, to be far more eminent than if an Eremite had pronounced it, and confir'md in the opinion, tha● he was clear in foro poli & soli; he fell into his melancholy part again, and over-afflicted with the absence of Dulcinea, he composed the most pitiful Poem that e'er was read, whereby he doth approve himself the only mad Lover in the World. Yet of all the furies, you see by this, that he was not troubled with Furor Poeticus.  
It is congruent we turn and recount what happened to Sancho.] The Don is left grazing, and picking of salads, which being the only nutriment he had, did so discolour him, that he might have added a superlative to his title, and wrote of the most Ill-favoured face. Besides, the crude herbs so frequently made their green sallies through his body, that all the Field where he raved up and down, was full of Knight-sharne, and had it been possible to have got a fire and frying pan, he might have thrived better upon the Tanzies he evacuated, then with the herbs at first gathering. Wherhfore he might very well contain, and most properly usurp that Verse to himself; Hei mihi quod null is amor est medicabilis herbis.  
But Sancho is in his progress to Toboso, and rides (not with Bellerophon● Letters) but without Letters, and with a mischief; but yet being ignorant of his misfortune, he arrives at the Inn, where he encountered the Coverlet, and came clean off. But the indignity disturbed his Valiant soul, and he is as much tossed in mind as then in body, and at last resolves not to enter into the house, though his own belly, and Rosinantes were of the dissenting party. But while he plays about the door, he and his horse are discovered by two of the Mancha (the knowing part of the Village) the Curate and the Barber, who betwixt threats and entreaties, work out of Sancho all the passage of his Masters new projects, the errand that he had to his Lady of Toboso, and that in Tablets the Letters to Dulcinea, as also his warrant, for three Asses were included.  
When Sancho perceived that the Book was lost, his visage waxed as pale and won as a deadman, etc.] Sancho not capable of his Book, doth fearful execution upon himself, and in an instant, unthatches his reverend chin, that Mr Barber with his Razor or his Tweezers, could not be so expeditious: He grubbed up all by the roots, wherever his unmerciful hands fastened, and quartered his face into a plain betwixt two thickets, nor did the rest of his Face scape his fury, which he did assault in such rough manner, that he was all gules, which running along the Champion of his Chin, made a bloody field. Poor Sancho, I pity thy mistaken vengeance, and causeless revenge upon thyself; and above all, that thou shouldst forget thine own counsel to thy Master, whom thou wouldst have (if he had a mind to castigate himself) to break his head against the water, or a tod of a wool, or some such favourable matter. But great grief is insensible and impatient of advice; The Curate and the Barber stand astonished at his passion, (and forgetting for a time, both their professions) neither spiritual reproof, exhortation, or comfort, came from Sir john in the Cassock, nor any healing remedies from Mr Barber Surgeon, until Sancho tells the cause of his lamentation and unkind usage of himself.  
Both of them took great delight to see Sancho's good memory.] Sancho had a brutish memory, and only served him for the remembrance of his three Asses, and the loss of his grey Ass. But the Letter to Dulcinea, it was as much from his head as the Tables were from his Breeches; they never were there, yet the fool ventures on a recital, and mingling his own expressions with Don Quixots, he rendered himself to have as much fancy as memory: He only retains that part of it which might have been best forgotten; (the subscription) Yours until death, the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face. As to the relation of his Lords wander and pranks he was very punctual, but his memory failed him, as to the tale of his own tossing in a blanket, which being perchance a secret belonging to the bed, he thought it not fit to be revealed.  
And he would give him one of the Emperor's Ladies to wife.] Some of the deceased Emperors not doubt; for Sancho expected Mary Gutiereze's his head to be cold and laid with her mothers in the Churchyard at the Mancha. Thou art in the right way to preferment (Sancho) no better Mart then dead wives; especially if men have cast about in the lives-time of their dearly Beloved's deceased. As Sancho doth here, who lays the hopes of his second match to height, that from a Manchegan Tripewife, he doth aspire to the Bed of a Queen. Dives promissus quilibet esse potest. This and more than this the Don assureth, upon the return of a favourable Letter from Dulcinea, who could neither write nor read.  
I would feign know what Cardinall-errants give unto their Squires.] This is a strange transition, that the most wicked, unwarrantable and ungodly Order in the world should be at any time capable of the most holy and sacred: But yet in this also Sancho looks to be preferred; If he had peeled his crown as he had done his beard, he was in preparation for a Friary: No further could Sancho go or proceed to the hopes of a Fortune in the Church. Barba aliquando facit Monachum. And Sancho if he had not disparaged his Face (with friends to shift off examinations and subscriptions) he might have passed for one Ordinus Minorum (as to his wit) but Superiorum & Majorum as to his Corpse: unto which when he had another Corpse added, what a goodly monk would there be? But Sancho, what think you of the Beneficial Office of Porter to the Lord Cardinal Quixot, when in your gown (not a clerical habit of any Learning) but welted and crosse-laced, with gilded staff of power in your hand, and your beard grown down to the girdle; you have the power of admitting or refusing accesses to my Lord Archbishop Quixot, unless they pay the Turn-key: The Dollars dropping every day into the hand, would make you look upon yourself with good regard. Besides, in that Signiory, your wife (Marry) may be dispensed withal, or more, if (as you only are in favour with my Lord Prelate) you do require a Licence in case of extreme calidity, and supersufficiency. Sancho was now in comfort, that go the world wik way it would, he was provided for, either with an Island, if the Don was an Emperor, or with an Honourable Mace, if the Don took into Church-preferment, which he had less mind unto. For though the Porter of a Cardinal may exercise his power over people without the gates, and sits there upon his Bench, and from his peep-holes judges of beneficial Visitors to his Lord, and then most officiously opens the great gates (as his opinion of them) and returns them out at the Wicket: Yet he bethought himself, that in the Administration of his Governourship he should keep himself such an Officer, and sit upon the Bench in Judicature, advanced aloft, and have servants, which is better than to be one.  
I will pray unto our Lord to conduct him to that place where he may serve him best, and give him rewards.] Sancho's devout zeal for his Master's promotion (with his own) calls to mind the form of an Epistle sent by a Scholar to his Father, which ran much after this manner: 
The EPISTLE.  
Honoured Sir,  
THe Quarterly Returns enforce me to write to you, and present my humblest duty to you; you will find that these Bills are higher than the last, occasioned by public sport in the College, wherein I lost no credit, and by buying some new books, which our Progress in study gives us occasion to use, so that I hope this excess will not prove distasteful to you, since there is nothing but just and honest expenses, no Alehouse scores, Tavern Bills, or the like, couched under the stile of any of the particulars, which I pray read with patience, (as you usually do.) Thus with my hearty prayers for your health (together with the receipt of the money) I rest,  
Your most dutiful son.  The Curate told the Barber, that he had bethought to apparel himself like a Lady adventurous.] How Mr Licentiat? done't you know that by the Canon Law, it doth make you irregular, to shift sexes by change of apparel? propter bonum finem nisi sit; that distinction is not visible in the Canonists: But let it pass, this was a pretty invention, and like to prove a very good Scene, and the only probable way to reduce the melancholy Knight. Mad men (as well as mad Girls) love mad toys: Strong conceits must be flattered, not resist'ed, and when you have humoured such distempered fancies in the full of their folly, they will decrease (like the Moon) into quarters, till at last there is nothing to be seen. Such a course, and with very good success, was taken by a Doctor, with a melancholy Patient of his, who using to sleep with his mouth open, (as he supposed) imagined a Mouse had slipped down his throat; the Doctor perceiving his fancy to be strongly perverted, concurred with him that it was a Mouse, and nothing else that troubled him, and that he should (upon a little Physic taken) see the return of him to his great joy. The Patient desired his dose; and within a day or two, the Apothecary gave him a slight vomit, which wrought very well, but at the first and second strains, no Mouse appeared; whereat, the Apothecary swore, he smelled him coming by the scent of the ejection, and therefore he wished him to reach lustily the next provocation, and he doubted not but to show him his incroacher, and to make him pay for a entry and forcible detainer: The next bout, the Apothecary under care of holding his head, clapped his hands about his eyes, and while he was expectorating with the other, he conveyed a live Mouse into the Basin, which the Patient seeing, he highly triumphed over his dispossesed inmate, and at once cleared his stomach and his fancy of the imaginary Mouse, by the Doctor's wise application of a real one.    

CHAP. XIII.  
Sir John is changed into my Lady Joan,  
And Cut-beard is the Squire, (a proper one)  
But Mr Curate (though tricked up and dressed)  
To act in Woman's clothes thought it not best,  
His orders did forbid him; They change par●s,  
But not the plot, and follow their first Arts:  
And while they do pursue that brave design,  
They sonnets hear, and harmony divine  
At their repose, and at the last discover  
Cardenio the discontented Lover;  
Who now composed completes his woeful tale,  
And shows that wealth and honour will prevails  
'Gainst oaths and vomes; the loss indeed is sad,  
‛ But the worst loss● i●, for it to be mad.  

TEXT.  
THey borrowed therefore of the Innkeepers wife, a Gown and a Kerchief, and left in pawn a fair new Cassock, etc.] 'Twas well if Mr Curate never knew the charge of taking up a Gown before: It is a dear commodity, and hath put many a man to doff all: But for Mr Barber, who (and yet I cannot tell whether the trades were conjoined so anciently) was a Perruke-man by profession, should have no better shift then a pied Ox tail for a Beard, is very uncouth, he might have had enough of more pardonable Rubbish, if he had taken the pains to reform Sancho's Beard, where was an infinite of shrubs to spare, without any waist to his Coppice.  
The Hostess tricked up the Curate so handsomely.] So rare a dress is this of the Gown, with the guards of black Velvet full of gashes and cuts, that certainly the Don, or whosoever saw her, must needs take her for a distressed Lady, and oppressed too, if it were no more, then with that Gown upon her back in the middle of August. But it seems the Gown was of great Antiquity, and being made in King Bamba's days, a Prince that delighted in no fashions, was extremely ridiculous in King Cambyses time, who was the most glorious Courtly Prince, and most observer of Modes in Arabia. Now what would move one of us easily perchance to laughter, will work other effects upon the Don, who seeing a Lady submitting herself to his protection, and styling him her deliverer, restorer and avenger of her Injuries, would instantly imagine, that some Villains, thieves, Giants, or Enchanters, had robbed her Castle, killed her Knight, stripped the Empress, murdered the young Princess, and left her naked, until she was compassionated by a certain Midwife, who accommodated her with her Christening Gown, wherein she got more pity, and raised a higher desire of revenge in the Don, by how much that more eminent she had been, and especially, that by her muffler he could perceive, she was very tender of laying open her rare beauty to the Sunbeams, which was another inducement to provoke him, that such a Beauty should not (and he a living Knight-Errant) suffer (unrevenged) this injury. These opinions no doubt would surprise the Don, beside the uncouth fight of her Squires face-handle, (by which he might seem to be a longo-beard) would much amaze him. But more the variegated form of it, the like whereof he had not seen upon the face of man in all his Travels: But presently reflecting upon the hubbub, affrights, and confusions of the stormed Castle, he found, that the present fear and amazement the Squire was in personally, and the deep grief that did seize him for his Lords and his young Ladies, and the sweet Princes Ruins, and his most sweet and Innocent Ladies horrid abuses, did change in a night one side of his Beard, as is frequent with those, who take too deep impressions of sorrow, to have their whole hair altered from any colour (except the same) into white.  
Sancho, came over to them about that time, and seeing of them in that habit, he could not contain his laughter.] Sancho shows himself a man by his proprieties, and though it be the sign of a fool to laugh excessively and often, 'tis the part of a rational man to laugh sometimes, especially when merry objects are presented. The contrary passionate Philosophers from the same objects raised tears and laughter: A great Argument that most men's actions are like Mr Curates Beard, pied: and that both Heraclitus and Democritus might exercise at once their customs upon them. Mr Curates Beard was indeed more ridiculous than Sancho's, yet Sancho sneers at it, having not seen his own face in a glass since his first setting forth. Yet the intention of this foolish Metamorphosis, was commendable in the continuance, and dolorous in respect of the object; that wise men should permit themselves to play the fools, to regain a perverse and obstinate mad man to his home again; let a man judge himself, and at night recount his days several works, and he will ingeniously (if he be impartial betwixt himself Jury and self Judge) confess, Inter ridenda & deflenda tempus esse perditum, and he might lay himself to bed like the Picture with a face of several sides, the one weeping and the other smiling.  
They arrived the next day following, where Sancho had left the tokens of boughs.] Sancho is now near Bedlam, as he supposeth, and that he shall find his Knight, out of wits, out of clothes, and out of knowledge. The Curate instructs him what to do, and gives him a letter of word of mouth, (not to be shown, if he would conquer the world for it) which if he delivers with that fidelity as he did the Don's to the Curate, he may be styled Mercurio del Fido. They enjoin further secrecy, that he reveal not the design; a thing which he was very well contented to do, hoping it tended to his present installation to the government, and then there was another infallible token, that of two things committed to his memory, he could remember but one, and that was for his Asses, his profit quickening him in that particular. But as for the Letter to Toboso, it crumbled into such miserable Snattocks, that the Devil could not piece it together.  
Both therefore arriving quietly under the shadow, there arrived to their hearing a sound of a voice.]  Ante Focum si frigus erit, si messis in umbr●. 
Umbrage and Music too, and vocal, too, was treble delight: But such rare strains, and so exactly sung, raised their opinion, (that it was not pastoritiall, nor any Dorus that sang) but some body of rare fancy, and exquisite voice. It will be a good Parenthesis, according to the inversion of the Verse, (both ways to be followed) 
Interpone tuis interdum seria ludis.  
Sancho being gone to fool it with his Master;  
Cardenio brings o'th' Stage his sad disaster.   

The continuation of Cardenio's Story.  
Luscinda's Letter to Cardenio.  

1.  
Love and Desert enforce me to  
Hold you not only high and dear,  
But to put off all feminine fear,  
And teach thee slow-man, what to do.   

2.  
If thou desirest in civil ways,  
Without a clausam fregit writ,  
Upon my honour (tender it)  
It is my glory yet, and praise.   

3.  
Unto my Father make address,  
He loves me highly, you he knows,  
Who will not crossly interpose,  
But rather our good fortunes bless.   

4.  
He can't compel my will to thee,  
'Tis to thee long ago designed;  
This letter shows how I'm inclined,  
If thou my Love be so to me.   

5.  
This message ' fired Don Ferdinand  
With praise to me, and magnifies  
Luscindas' wit, above all that's wise,  
But loves herfalse Lord underhand.   

6.  
I as a man designed for ruin,  
And one whose sorrows should be full,  
Myself invited in this gull,  
Myself th' usurper drew in.   

7.  
I made my secrets known, and told,  
Why the kind summons of my love  
I did not to her mind improve,  
But for a season did withhold.   

8.  
It lay upon my Father's side,  
To ask her of her yielding sire;  
But had it Heaven been to acquire,  
I durst not mentioned, nor confide.   

9  
Not that Luscinda might not gain  
(Without worldly additaments)  
By personal virtues the descents,  
And grace the noblest blood in Spain.   

10.  
But I knew well that no requests  
Would on his will prevail, ●'r since  
Those Letters from our noble Prince  
Called me to wait his high behests.   

11.  
And filthy fear, I knew not why,  
(But straws were blocks) did i'll my heart,  
That I could not my mind impart  
With Fancy, that he would deny.   

12.  
Now sings a Nightingale, O hear!  
Don Ferdinand will undertake,  
Consenting Fathers both to make;  
But O she signs not half the year!   

13.  
O joab false, Italian Lord!  

* Whose saying it was, qui nescit dissimulare nescit vivere. Alexander overheated with Greek wine, ●lew his best Captain, and friend Ephae●hon.  Vespasians tutored Favourite,  
But Alexander's friends, sad plight  
Will seize thee, and a Tyrant's sword.   

14.  
O bloody Gyges, whom the King,  

* Candaules the King of Lydia discovered the naked excellencies of his wife to his Favourite, who made conscious to such a high secrecy, never left plotting (by his death) till he made himself more private with his admired spectacle.  (Candaules) gave a fatal view,  
(Of what no wise man ere would show)  
And made his own a Gyges' ring.   

15.  
Fond Lover, whosoever thou art,  
Let not thy tongue thy Mistress praise,  
Such talk i'th' hearers lust doth raise,  
'Tis pimping to a goatish heart.   

16.  
But show her not (not to the blind)  
Cupid is said to want his Eyes,  
But yet about he wanton flies,  
And doth the fairest pieces find.   

17.  
Be only mirrors to each other,  
Viewing yourselves in your own Eyes,  
(And fear lest they should chance prove spies)  
Your kisses too with kisses smother.   

18.  
So shall no envious person pine  
At that he doth not see nor know,  
And all the joys will 'twixt you flow,  
Which your own banks will safe confine.   

19  
But I transgress, and shall return  
Unto Lord Ferdinand, whose care  
Is now to send me from this air,  
Where he in fires of love doth burn.   

20.  
The better to effect his will,  
A specious errand he contrives,  
And in that missive a plot drives,  
His hopes to raise, and mine to kill.   

21.  
Six goodly horses now are bought,  
But money from the Court must come,  
(That any man should Court his doom!)  
I this employment freely sought.   

22.  
He had his wish, and strait dispatched  
Letters unto his elder Brother,  
But his intents from him did smother,  
And in his papers mischief hatched.   

23.  
I gave Luscinda short account,  
Who wished me make no tedious stay,  
To ready minds naught is delay;  
(The saying did to much amount.)   

24.  
But then I did perceive her eyes,  
With liquid Pearl distent, and swelled;  
I never tear before beheld,  
Which made me bode 'em prophecies.   

25.  
And so they proved, for in a shower,  
(A storm it proved in fine to me)  
I left my sweet Captivity,  
And ne'er shall see good day nor hour.   

26.  
Pensive and sad I mount my Mule,  
(My fears gave wings, and jealousy.)  
The way was scarce seen under me,  
So road a mad deluded fool.   

27.  
And Ferdinand's Brother privately  
With Letters I salute, who reads  
The business, but no money speeds,  
Until eight days could finished be.   

28.  
Who laid commands that those eight days,  
(Unseen unto the Duke with him)  
I should in joy and pleasure swim,  
And money he would private raise.   

29.  
And all this was the Artifice  
Of treacherous Lord Ferdinand,  
To win his Brother to command  
My stay, by feigned necessities.   

30.  
Who could prevent, who could discover  
Such subtle managed treachery?  
That might have I, that did not I,  
A foolish, doting, senseless Lover.   

31.  
Short of Lusc●●da in my love,  
My resolution not so high  
(More like a spouse in modesty)  
A coward too, in fine I prove.   

32.  
What could the pretty soul do more?  
(A soul surprised, and forc'● by friends,)  
To bring about our longed for ends,  
Then send, and rescue to implore?   

33.  

* Luscindas' Letter.  Don Ferdinand (writes she,) he doth act  
So by the Father, (not for you)  
That both the Heifer he will plow,  
For the two Fathers are compact.   

34.  
And O that I must say such word,  
He hath demanded me for wife,  
But he shall ask, and get my life  
As soon: Love can find out a sword.   

35.  
Ambition spurs my Father on  
To have his daughter, Duchess styled,  
That he doth urge as he were wild,  
And yielded hath unto the Don.   

36.  
Two days, (Cardenio) and but two,  
(O think how nimbly time doth fly!)  
Are 'twixt that dire solemnity;  
Do something, and that quickly too.   

37.  
Imagine my perplexed estate,  
One while o'rcharged with courtships high,  
Then Father's importunity,  
And thus my wretched ears they bait▪   

38.  
If these arrive unto your hands,  
They may prevent the giving mine,  
Or that my lips should ever sign,  
To say, I will be Ferdinand's.   

39  
That word like to a daggers point  
Wounded my heart, and drove from thence,  
All the regard and reverence  
I owed, and friendship did disjoint:   

40.  
Got from the Court, I back did fly,  
(For rage and fear my Mule did spur)  
And had a quick access to her,  
Who at the grate did for me lie.   

41.  
That Iron grate, which oft hath heard  
Our vows and protestations,  
(Were things of course and fashion)  
Was now unto me double barred.   

42.  
For in a sad and doleful tone  
Luscinda said, (Cardenio)  
I straight in these rich Dresses go,  
And must with Ferdinand be one.   

43.  
The Traitor Lord i'th' Hall attends,  
My covetous Father there expects  
My duty, which the work effects,  
Unless some poor relief me sends.   

44.  
But if I must myself relieve,  
I have a Poniard secret hid,  
Which will the cursed Banes forbid,  
And give me long and wished Reprieve.   

45.  
Dearest of living things be there,  
And see thy Maiden sacrifice;  
See how I will this Lord despise,  
And name of Virgin Martyr wear.   

46.  
O persevere (soul of my soul)  
And act according to thy word,  
And see Cardenio wears a sword,  
None shall my fury then control.   

47.  
Then will I falsehood falsehood call,  
And challenge Ferdinaned to's face,  
And have revenge upon the place,  
For one or both that hour shall fall.   

48.  
So shall we both be joined i'th' Urn,  
And in eon Tomb we'll chastely lie,  
The monuments of constancy;  
Luscinda (while I speak) doth turn.   

49.  
Called to these cursed Nuptials,  
So that I groped, (as in dark night)  
Deprived of her vigorous light,  
Till hate my fainting soul recals.   

50.  
Not as a Brideman, 'twas decreed,  
To see this Pomp, but as a fiend  
With dismal torch, I shall attend  
The issue of this cruel deed.   

51.  
Then to the Hall unseen I came,  
The busy house was upward flown,  
The Hall with various herbs was strown,  
(It might have been for me the same.)   

52.  
Two courteous ends of Arras meet,  
And gave me sight, and covert too,  
That undiscerned I saw the show,  
And how these lovely couple greet.   

53.  
False Ferdinand took first the Hall,  
(A Field perchance to use't may prove  
And ' tent of wrath, and not of Love)  
Clothed in his common habits all.   

54.  
Then came Luscinda and her train,  
Rage made me blind, senseless and mad,  
I scarce took notice how sh'was clad,  
But nothing was so fine in Spain.   

55.  
Amongst these people stood a thin  
Lean man in black, and from his coat  
He plucked a book of common note,  
And brushed and coughed, and did begin.   

56.  
He joined their hands, and lowly bowed,  
Madam (said he) is it your mind,  
With Lord Ferdinand to be joined  
In Wedlock, speak, and 'tis avowed.   

57  
My lengthened Ears did greedily watch,  
What answer she would make, and while  
I with her Negative beguile  
My hopes, or that she would dispatch   

58.  
With Poniards point the fatal Scene;  
My hand was still upon my hilt,  
She ordered it, no blood was spilt,  
And said I will! Was this her spleen?   

59  
And Ferdinaned replied (I will,)  
And going to salute his Bride,  
A judgement just did her betid,  
Whom Heaven for perjury did kill.   

60.  
For 'twixt her mother's knees she fell,  
And on her heart her hand was fixed,  
That nothing could be got betwixt,  
And gone she is, where none can tell.   

61.  
At last with spirits she got heat,  
Which loosed that false and mulcted hand,  
And from her Breast Don Ferdinand  
A letter caught, and did retreat.   

62.  
Which by the help of Torch he read,  
But the Contents did not well please,  
He sat him down in little ease,  
The kill letter made him dead.   

63.  
He did forget to mind his spouse,  
(To whom but now he gave his hand)  
Nor could or life or speech command,  
But sat dejected in the house.   

64.  
Judgements enough (if they be home)  
If thou ne'er op● that treacherous mouth,  
Whence never issued word of truth,  
(Said I) it is a happy doom.   

65.  
The house in tumult, I conveyed  
Myself unknown into the street,  
Where no man me, I no man greet,  
But walk like one wholly dismayed.   

66.  
My Mule I got, and for the Fields,  
And sight of Rocks, and Woods, and beasts  
I now resolve, and count them blest,  
Who live in place that no men yields.    
And just about the time, Mr Curate was bethinking.] A note of consolation would have been very unseasonable▪ especially in beating out such a story with worse matter. Then it was not certain, whether Cardenio would hold in this temper; and so Mr▪ Curates word of comfort might meet with a word and a blow of reproof. Thirdly, I believe that Mr Curate was not provided, and that's enough at any time, for a escape Sermon; the quilted cap the next Sababths' day is Apology for the indispositions and failings of the last. Fourthly, and to conclude indeed, another extraordinary pleasant voice, drew them all by the ears unto it. It was so ravishing a voice, that it was able to compose the troubled soul of Cardenio; who weary with the sad relation of his own Story, is now at leisure to hear this, which that it may gain all its grace, the Author places us a room off from the Music, and only in this Book, gives us the echo and falling tunes; but in the next you shall have the fullness of the melody, the Beauty of the person, which he sufficiently invites us to, while he raises in us appetite, which will not be satisfied without tasting.  
The end of the Third Book.     

FESTIVOUS NOTES UPON DON QUIXOT. BOOK IU.  

CHAPTER I.  
Our Shepherd shepherdess, relates her hap,  
What do you think it is! she hath got a clap.  
Lord Ferdinand as you have heard before,  
Made bold to make this pretty rogue a whore;  
'Tis pity she is so; but being out-sworne,  
Out-powred, out-worded, she's at last o'rborne.  
Her Father hath a Barn more to his Farm,  
Good man, 'tis known my Lords, and there's no harm:  
But Dorothea having lost her Fame,  
Scorns to be Country talk, and people's game;  
Forsaken by her Lord, the Woods she takes,  
Hoping to meet with Cleopatra's Snakes,  
Or any courteous Beast, would make a prey  
Of her: But Woods nor cruel Beasts obey.  
Instead of welcome dangers, her own Page,  
(A rascal Varlet, scarce grown up to age)  
Adventures on her chastity; but he  
Thrown down a Rock, received his destiny.  
Then to an ancient Herd, (what age is free,  
If fifteen be not, nor threescore and three?)  
She was a servant, but the old Knave knew  
She was not as she seemed, but lustful grew.  
Flight was her refuge here, she now remains  
I'th' craggy part o'th' Mountain, and complains  
Of Lords, of Pages, and old doting Swains.  

TEXT.  
PReface. Most happy and fortunate were those times, wherein the most audacious and bold Knight Don Quixot of the Mancha, was bestowed on the World.]  
Faelix illa dies! quae magni Conscia partûs,  
Quixotum terris, & tibi Mancha dedit.  
Translated thus.  
Who knows the day of that illustr'ous Birth,  
When Quixot of the Mancha saw the Earth?  
I do believe, Garagantua and he were near Contemporaries, or rather the Knight of the Sun, by his parched face, but by his wild and wand'ring head, he should be more conversant with the Knights of the moon, who every month, in some Region or other, drop from the Orb, and play feats in this. In the Register of the Mancha there is nothing to be found but these Letters, and these with much Art preserved. Hab: Lunat: Quix: Anno ante Orb: Conned. p. 10.  
A voice said very dolefully, these words ensuing.] Let it be if you please a Drawlery upon it, for it is very sad and long, and it may be you long to be merry.  

Dorothaea's Description.  
she'd got (poor soul) among the craggy Rocks,  
And is discovered by her silver locks;  
Her argent hair, which all beholders caught,  
Entrapped herself, and to her sex her brought.  
She would a boy been thought, but her pure feet,  
(Than which nothing so straight, nothing so neat,  
Nothing so clear: For to the bathing wench  
And'bout her legs the fish played as a Tench.)  
Confessed her woe too plain, 'twas worth ones wish,  
To have a Lass, that caught both flesh and fish:  
Just like a Plowboy tired in a brown jacket,  
And Breeches round, long leathern point (no Placket)  
With her high shoes, her Buskin fashioned hose,  
Half of her Alabaster legs disclose:  
Her head a rusty cap did hide, and as  
She lifts it up, her face proclaims a Lass  
So beautiful, that rapt Cardenio swears,  
Since not Luscinda, 'tis not as'● appears.  
I would have sworn as much, had I been there;  
But after this she combed out her hair,  
What was her Ivory combe●d' you think? her hand,  
Which ran so nimbly at her sole command,  
That in an instant she had spread her hair,  
You could not see a person to be there;  
As in a thicket of rich Silk Worms work,  
Or twisted Sunbeam, her nice Corpse do lurk  
Unseen, unless the amorous Wind did sunder  
The even lines, and show within more wonder.   
All which circumstances did possess the three that stood gazing at her with great admiration, etc. Therefore they resolved to show themselves.] Mr C●r●t had no Crosse-worke against this sight, it drove him not to his Pater-nosters, nor his Beads; but the most magnetic piece wrought virtually upon him, and so strongly, that he could no longer be at so remote a distance, but was for a contactus, which is more natural; and if matters hit right for a contractus, which is more spiritual as to the eclesiastical Court; but nos inter nos very Carnal. Mr Barber was so smitten at the looks of her, that his eyes smarted as if he had washed 'em (open) in his sweet balls: And O the mischance! how he laments the want of his puffings (or head-bellows) to powder his Peruke; nor had he at present any ●spertaminis for his upper Lip: Yet he would show himself a man of his hands, and arm her from the River. Cardenio also, but that his rude and tattered Ruins discouraged him, would not have been the last at this Ceremony, but they all ran from their Covert hastily, and rushed upon her, which put her to a short flight, and presently to a fall; for her tender plants were of a more choice and pure earth, then that she trod on, and unable to endure their roughness. But she was presently supported by the Curate, who (as if he had been beginning his Sermon, à lapsu primae parentis) said, Lady (for so your hair unwilling to yourself) discovers you) it is incident from our Mother Eve, for your sex to fall: and so regaining her feet, desired her to be constant to them, & put them to no farther disease to themselves, but to settle her a little discomposed spirits, when she should perceive, she was fallen upon such, that hoped their persons were rather to be approached to, then fled from. Here the Barber should have acted, but the Curate being the fluenter man (except when Mr Cuthbert was in his suds and snaps) had the happiness to hand her, and have the advantage of her care to convey his Consolatories, Suasories, Depre-colories, and the like fragments of his profession, until he had appeased her totally, and brought her to that calmness, that she was willing to take a stone, the natural stools of the place, and Mr Parson inviting his companions with his— vivo sedilia Saxo, 
To accept those living seats of stone,  
Which grow without a cushion;   
They all encompassed their delicate Orator, who confirmed in her resolution, began her Story.  

Dorothaeas' Tale.  

There lives a Duke in Andaluzia,  
Grandees they call them, (if I right do say)  
Who had two sons, the eldest of great hopes,  
The younger, such as those they call crack-ropes▪  
A wicked Lord, as e'er wore Spanish leather,  
Gaudy as Sunshine, light as any feather,  
And devilish handsome, set out too with clothes,  
With which he takes fools eyes, their ears with oaths:  
His business was, his plots, designs, and carking,  
To abuse poor maids, a very very Tarquin.  
My Father farmed of the great Duke his Father  
Much Lands, from whence you very well may gather,  
How bold the Lordling made, for he played Revel-  
Rout, when he came, and laid the Town all level.  
All were his Father's Tenants, who made bold  
Upon a privilege in days of old,  
(Which the girls knew not) of Purgandos Renes,  
And so he came by many wicked venies,  
Which the old Lords had long time left undone,  
And was the drudgery of the youngest son:  
But other breeding, than the Parish maidens,  
(Which to the Market went with country Trade)  
My Father gave to me, beside the ruling  
Of all his house, I had no time for fooling;  
For either I was busy in the Dairy,  
To see clean work, that strokings were not hairy;  
Their Churnes and Presses neat, there was no clutt'ry  
In Pantry, Milk-house, dairy, nor in Butt'ry.  
I had accoutrements and proper dresses,  
For all employments; now for the wine-presses  
Anon for oyle-Mils, then among the Hives,  
(And was as busy as those winged Thiefs.)  
Our House, nor theirs, afforded Drones; two servants  
One of each sex (i'th' Family the fervent'st)  
Always attended me, and by those pair  
I sent my Embassies to every ear:  
I ordered, and 'twas don●; there was no Duchess  
Had a more clear Command within her clutches.  
If that the day afforded any leisure,  
It was not spent in giggling and in pleasure:  
I and my Maidens at the distaff sit,  
Contending, who the finest thread could spit;  
Or else the bones we rattled for the grace  
Of the most exquisite and smallest Lace:  
And for our work with needles, we could venture  
To show Arachne sitting in her centre  
Amongst her homespun Orbs, and lines, and thence  
She moves from Centre to Circumference.  
Or his dread piece, who mulcted was for peeping,  
While Nymphs their bodies in cold bath were steeping:  
And then transformed into a stately Buck,  
To die by his own dogs had the ill luck.  
That self enamoured Sir we also wrought,  
Who in a wat'ry lookingglass was caught,  
And to the men's perpetual jeer and laughter,  
Extinguished was, and set on fire by water.  
Weary of work, I forthwith went to play  
Upon the Harp or Lute, so spent the day;  
Music revived my Spirits, and at night  
I was as bonny, as at morning light.  
Abroad I went not, but unto the Mass,  
And ●hen so hooded, to tell who I was  
Myself knew not, until uncased; the Priest  
Confessed, and did absolve me in ● mist:  
All was not care enough, this would not cover  
Nor hide my beauties from a Goatish Lover,  
(Lord Ferdinand)   

— Thereat Cardenio rose,  
As if he had t●'●e pepper in the nose;  
That very name did make him sweat, and stand,  
As if his fit of frenzy were at hand.  
But he did only sweat, which cooled the Barber  
And Curate too, who leering were for harbour,  
If the mad fit had seized him: It fell out,  
Cardenio proved fair Company this 'bout.   

Never was man so smitten as this Lord,  
He knew no● how to look, or speak a word  
At first, but once having found out the way,  
The Devil himself could not the Lord Out-say,  
Out-Court, out-promised, swear, out-bribe, out-ly;  
He forced me double guard my chastity.  
For I was now to look to my own Trenches,  
I know not how he had won upon my wenches,  
They were his spokes-women, and high Abetters,  
And always scatter'd's praise, or scatter'd's Letters;  
What should poor Virgin do? they praise, he begs,  
I'm left alone, to stand on my own legs;  
I must confess the flattery of his letters,  
Would have inclined Ladies, by far my betters;  
And what was I, that I should be so coy,  
(Alas my heart to read 'em oft did joy!)  
But I did fear, and so my Father told me,  
(And bid me when that I was well, there hold me.)  
He meant no good, for all his deep protesting,  
Keep out his head, for he would bring the rest in;  
Then he contrived to match me out of hand,  
To one of equal years, and equal Land,  
Which was more suitable than those high courses:  
But yet I han●kred after Coach and horses,  
To be my Lady called, a Duchess daughter  
I often wished, and entertained with laughter.  
But Ferdinand had fished out thy poor plot,  
With silver angling all the truth he got;  
And in a night, the Chamber door being shut,  
Unless 'twere after opened by the slut  
That waited there, or that he had a key,  
(For that he had, I think for any way)  
As I was half undressed, this lustful Lord  
Unbraced before me stands, I'd not a word  
To say, not did th' unhappy wench cry out;  
(She knew too well what he was come about)  
But Ferdinand, most full of raptures high,  
Caught me in his arms incontinently;  
And with such strict embraces did me round,  
And swore and kissed, and wished him all confound.  
He meant to marry me, and ne'er would alter,  
Then kissed the Missal (that's our Lady's Psalter)  
And me again, then made Imprecations,  
(More than the King of Spain hath Nations)  
And then used whining too, all sort of cunning  
(Tundo a credulous poor maids down running:  
I gave him re●son, how the Duke his Father,  
Then marry me, would see him hanged rather,  
'twould be his own, mine, and my friends undoing;  
But he for all my words, ne'er gave off sueing.  
Then catching up our Lady's Image, swore,  
That all his purposes were chaste and fair.  
And though he did anticipate his pleasure  
This night, he would appropriate the treasure  
Next day unto himself, then begged and whined,  
(Alas too much to one so well inclined)  
And having swore my maid out, and the lights,  
We did what Lords and Ladies do a-nights.  
The morn too soon began a blush to me,  
Which I returned to him in bed with me,  
Who startled at the double purple light,  
Rose up in such a huddle, as the night  
(It was not so to me) had been unpleasant;  
Surely it was not, though we had no ease in't.  
My maid conspired his farewell too, to hasten,  
(That very maid that in my study placed him.)  
Just like an Epicure, or greedy fellow,  
HE has had what he came for, and so farewell ho;  
But yet his farewell was not quite uncivil,  
For he did wish himself unto the Devil,  
If he did break his faith, or failed to tarry  
A month at full, before that he did marry.  
Then in exchange, a ring of noble price  
He drew from off his finger in a trice,  
And slipped it upon mine, and straight was going,  
But I did think, there something more was owing:  
I dropped a tear, and kissed him, and then I told him,  
He saw full well, I was not given to scolding;  
For my false maid I scarce had chid, who hid him,  
Though not unwelcome, yet a guest unbidden;  
And (Sir) said I, though now you make no stay,  
Forget not (good my Lord) to know the way.  
All this prevailed, but for one nights stay more,  
He could have done no less unto his Whore:  
I pressed for's company, he gave denial;  
I asked him, if he took me upon trial:  
He swore, he tried and liked, and liked ●o high,  
He could upon the circumstances die.  
Nay prithee live (said I) and return speedy,  
Fish that on gravel use to play are greedy.  
He smiled and vanished, but I know not whither,  
At me he came not, nor in public neither.  
A month I spent in watering of my Pillow,  
And then bethought me of a Garland willow;  
Then the false Damsel, that conveyed this Traitor,  
I rattled, but yet kept her for my waiter;  
She knew too much to be discharged, a Trustee  
Of such concealments, always flattered must be.  
But I was troubled most, (my eyes being blubbered)  
For public meals, I often fed at Cupboard.  
But anger, sorrow, and all passions bulged  
Into themselves, for a report divulged,  
That my Don Formidand had found fresh litter,  
(I did not wonder how he came to get her)  
One named Luscinda: and that they were bedded,  
That moved me not; but this, that they were wedded.   

But yet Cardenio stared and champt and wondered,  
And wished, the Devil had their bodies sund'red.   

And forthwith having bribed for Page a Swain,  
Unto Luscindas' Town we trudge amain.  
But there the Bells could not proclaim't i'th' steeple,  
Higher than 'twas i'th' noise of common people.  
From one of them I heard, that on the espousals  
That night Luscinda frighted all the households.  
She fell into a swoone, but dropped a writing,  
All as he swore of her own hand inditing,  
Wherein in lamentable case she shows,  
She long time since was our Cardenios';  
(Ours I can't call him now, for young man, he  
Is gone, alas, we know not where he be.  
She did renounce those later bands, that she  
Could not without disloyal perjury  
Be any others, if they would go on-ward,  
she'd end the business with a bloody Poniard.  
Thus much the Hind related; then a person  
Of better rank, on Ferdinand fell fierce on,  
And said, that He deluded of his Lust,  
With her own dagger would have given a thrust,  
And killed his spouse, but the vile wretch was hindered,  
By those then present, parents and her kindred.  
'Twas time time to fly, this eminent disgrace,  
Made my shamed Lord, he durst not show his face.  
It was a day before Luscinda strengthened,  
And then the story of her vows she lengthened  
To her abused Paronts, who requested  
To be forgiven, but she was then close breasted,  
And spoke but little; and a few days after  
The house was full of tears, they'd lost their daughter.  
'Twas worth my journey this, I tarried  
To find my spouse was yet unmarried;   

" Fool as I was that had no knife nor dagger,  
" But if I had my doubtful hand would stagger  
" What it should do! slay me, the innocent?  
" And why slay him, if that he honest meant?      

CHAP. II.  
While tame Cardenio Dorothea courteth,  
And to new stratagems the Dame exhorteth,  
Resolving both upon returns; the Curate  
Offers to wait, the Barber not obdurate,  
Proffers like service. But hark Sancho Pancas  
Runs Onching round the mountain like a ranck-●sse,  
Braying for's Company; The Barber whistles,  
At last they meet, and jeer each others Bristles,  
Ox tail, and Shotto●er. Sancho related,  
How that the Don was near exenterated,  
Meager and won, with hollow Cheeks sharp gullet,  
Che●t like a dog-fed horse, legs like a Pullet.  
Never (more) Knight of the Ill favoured face;  
But now he was the naked ●night o'th' place:  
Fit for some Physick-schoole, where he might stand  
To show his parts, he is a muscle man.  
A Counsel straight is a called, and Madam Doll  
Micomicona doth herself install.  
(An injured Aethiopian Princess)  
Who beat out of all her own Provinces,  
Must crave Don Quixots aid: She straight accoutres;  
Curate and Barber being adjutors  
Unto her highness; Sancho is persuaded  
It is a Queen, that comes for to be aided  
By his great Master; so the plot is laid,  
Sancho doth foot it, Barber's on the jade:  
The Queen i'th' middle, and at last they find  
This wondrous Knight, not like one of Mankind:  
The Queen makes known her woeful case; the Don  
Calls for his Arms ('twas well his clothes were on)  
His Armour clapse; they carry this lank sinner,  
The nearest way they can unto a dinner.  

TEXT.  
THE Audients of her Story, felt both pity and admiration.] The Auditor's eyes did even run over with water at Dorothaeas' Story, but that she restrained the woman in them, with the woman before them, who was so lovely, that she scattered nothing but cheerful influences upon her beholders. She made grief and sorrow amiable, insomuch that Mr Licentiat was upon premeditation still before he spoke to her, and did not play the Priest adventure, nor vent his extemporary fancies upon her. A composed piece of his office in the point of comfort no doubt was instantly to issue forth, when—  
Cardenio taking her by the hand, said at last, you are daughter to the rich Cleonardo.] I had thought Cardenio would never have been known; but now he will disclose himself, which he might easily do, for he had scarce a rag to his tail, and gives her the naked truth, that he was that ●ame piece of flesh, who stood more like the Arras, than the Tapestry itself, while a perjured friend, made bold with his Lady before his face. Dorothaeas' managery of her matters, was far more ingenious and commendable, who was not a thorough loser, she got what was to be got, and though she lost the Principal, she had good consideration. What hath Cardenio to excuse himself from the extreme scar of a Coward? who having his hand on his hilt, and placed as in ambuscado for the Stratagem of revenge, expected the word from his Ladies dying groan. Her Poniard must whiffle to his Toledo. A living pudding is better than a dead Lion; (quoth Dorothea,) and let all Grandees of Spain (for they delight therein) like the Proverb, and use it for ever.  
Then I will use the liberty granted to me as a gentleman, and in just title challenge him to the field.] Dorothea might have smiled, or rather suspected his fidelity, that her beauty should prove a Beutefeu greater than Luscindas', and inspire more valour into him, than he did show for his own encroachments; no challenge sent to Don Ferdinand, for the usurpation of his spouse, though done under his nose; and why such a cock of the game in her vindication? Certainly he had an aguish fortitude, ●nd it came upon him by fits, when it concerned him most, at his own cornuting, the cold Paroxysm held him, and the hot and Feavourish at present. It was true indeed, the Lady whose defences he undertakes, was worthy of an Herculean Vindex, and one (that had these tilting times been worthy of) must have wrote herself the Mistress of some short Catalogue of slain, or perished Kings servants (a very great honour I can tell ye.) And here now were hint an occasion enough for a discourse upon Duels, whether they be a piece of justifiable fortitude? without the consideration of Christian laws made against it, or any impresses of the divine Prohibition in the soul, created in, and to love, and originally interdicted revenge and violence. If you come with these arguments into the school of defence or reputation, you are said presently to smell of the Coward. But if you come fortified with Cain's Jaw bone, and will maintain a challenge good against your own brother, not of the sword only, but nature, than you are of the right flame, a brother of the Jawbone. The arguments on both sides are very strong; the Hectors rely upon their blades, manus ad capulum: It is enough to signify the challenge, and the cause too, and the Law is as strict, and punctual too. Caput ad Laqueum, which is enough to intimate the crime and the punishment. But I have but one argument against Duellers at this time. Why do the Hector's themselves fly for the same? They will say, for fear of the Law; why then let them find out a place, where there is no Law against it? that the brotherhood say, is in terra Incognitâ they could never hear of any such place; then certainly if all people and Nations punish it, it is not only unlawful, but unnatural and morally evil; and what no people allow in general, no one should dare to do in particular. The Tragedies of Dorothea, and Cardenio, are more lamented (the more's the pity) feigned Romances are bewailed, and Philaster bleeding in love, when a true really slain Gentleman shall not find a tear; but a dispute, whether he fell nobly, made a right thrust, or lay too open, or had his hat, doublet, band, and spurs off? These are the requisite punctilios before his lying down in the bed of honour. It may be the cause of the quarrel is by some asked after, by a thousand related, and by never a man the same way. A sad case (my friends) when a man shall perish, and go no man knows whither, and taken off no man knows why. Homicidia in mendacio flemus, in vero postulamus. 'Twas said of those days, when Emperors exposed the live-bodies of their slaves, to be Prizes with Beasts, and one another, than the voice was at those Amphitheatrall Butcheries; 
* A man after he had subdued one beast.  Play him again, clapping and applauding, when the Beast was victorious. 
So we can weep at feigned Tragedies,  
And look upon true Murders with dry eyes.  This is a little too serious; the next note brings a fool in, and then we shall be merry again.  
It was Sancho Pancas, who, because he found them not in the place where he left them, cried out loudly.] He might have cried bread and meat for the Lords sake, (for his half starved Lords sake) who with hunger and cold had almost put an end to his Errantry. He cried, and his Knight's belly rung noon, and the wood rung of them all; and now they have Sancho in a ring, and round him, until he have made his Mr as ridiculous as himself. The whimsy of the Knight, is to be cured with another whimsy, as they say, set a fool to catch a fool; a Proverb not of that gravity (as the Spaniards are,) but very useful and proper. For example sake: An English Lord kept a Fool, a very natural, who being displeasured at some ill usage of the Family, absented himself so long, that the Lord was much troubled lest he should have made himself away; others thought he might be gone in a visit to a neighbour fool some few miles off. The Lord sent thither to inquire, and withal, to entreat that Fool over, (in case he was not there) to their house. Fools are soon entreated, especially the servant telling him, that his Cousin had been missing many days; als one for that quoth Tony, I'll find him out, ne'er fear Coz. At last they came to the Lords house, and all of them, Lord, Lady, servants of both sexes ran out to the Fool, and woefully lamented the loss of Tony, who was as good as meat to their bellies. Coz Tonies' cried, get ye all to prayers on your backs you long coats (speaking to the women) my Coz is safe enough, he is too wise for you. Then the fool was ranger of the whole house, and in every place he came, he cried, O Coz, Coz, are you there. I see you well enough? Thus having traversed the best Chamber; at last he came to the Cock-lofts, and with a more hearty and confident noise then in other places, he cried, ha Coz have I found you, I see you, that I do. The other fool had unpiled some wood, and lay behind it, than his Coz cried out again, I see him, I see him, in very joyful acclamation: Whereat his counterpart said from his lurking hole, O but you don'●: The noise directed them to the place, whence out they plucked him, half starved, for he had there but wooden entertainment; but the Cook got him some spoon meat for his Coz and himself, and they were very well satisfied. Such a dish now hot in the Plain, where Don Quixot acted more than the Knight of the Naked Arm, would have put an end to the play, and all the bitter usage of Dulcinea would have been forgot in a Lethe of settle-brain; wherein if they had sliced some of the leaves of the two books, wrote the veritate, amongst the chip, it might have been enough to reduce him (without the neat design of Dorothea) to his natural temper, from having ever any credence in lying Romances.  
Dorothea said that she would counterfeit the distressed Lady better than the Barber.] The Barber might have done much, if he had his wife to attire him, and set him out in Lady's combings; but I do not think she would ever have let him shaved off his Moustaches for the matter, it being the only hold she had, (for his hair of his head was but thin) when she found occasion to pull him to her pleasures, or from the Alchouse to his pains. Let him be honest Oxensterne, the Lady Nicomiconas' servant with the chequered Beard, which signified much fear in him, or from him. Pray Heaven, the Don in his rambling fancy take him not for Cacus the Giant, that robbed those honest men the Graziers, and cozened Polyphem, (the Monophthalmos, and Giant of the single Eye) drawing politicly his Cattle backward to his own Cave; so that Polyphem tracking their step● to the done, could find nothing but hooves reversed from the Cave. A hundred to one but he hits on't, and takes this long pendent on his chin, for some glued on Trophy of his beastly victories: If he should hanck upon it, there's like to be no quietness without a Rump to the tail.  
And through the great Fame which is spread over all Guinea, of the Lords Prowess, this Princess is come to find them out.] Sancho replied, what that fat and plentiful Kingdom, (whence the Guiny Pigs come) doth this Lady with herself submit to my Don? O Mary Gutierez, live and be fat! and let thy Children all be fatlings; those pretty Guiny Pigsneys shall live about thy bedchamber, and thou shalt lie upon thy palate, and call to thy cookmaid, and say, dress me that Squeeker for my breakfast, I'll eat it before I rise, and the rest of the litter shall be small Music to me, while I feed; it shall be so Moll, and fell a capering, as if he had one in his belly. But Mr Curate told him, these Guinea Pigs which he meant, were Shelves of gold melted, refined, and made into wedges, Pigs and Bars, that Mary Gutierez and her whole family, could not lift one from the ground. One of these would buy the Manchas' Hogge-heards whole drove, Dams and all.  
My master hath no kind of power over Spirits.] The Don could never worst any thing that had a Spirit. The Windmills had a Spirit that threw my Mr in Confagum Lunae, (as they say) and he was never in his wits since. Certainly he was tossed or carried beyond the temperate Regiment of the air, among the blust'ring, thundering, and fiery boys, for ever after he despised Land encounters; he smelled my thought, as if he had been singed at his fall, or of somewhat of a hot air. So that (great Queen) for this business of Guinea, if you have not a man of Spirit in it, he will make no more to conquer it, than he would to eat an Orange, though his stomach is sharp enough at present without any Incentives. Lady, he shall destroy all except the Pigs, with which your Dominions abound. May you, and my Lord people it from your own Loins again; (all but that part of the Dominion, which you bestow upon you humble, ●ut doughty servant, Sancho Panchas' of the Mancha) and my Lady Moll shall serve your Highness, (not amongst the maids of Honour) but chief Princesses of your Kingdom, in the office of holding up your train, or the close stool, wherein she is very tendable, and handy. I have more of the litter, if you please to grace 'em; but when I and Moll shall come to feed on Pigs, we shall multiply beyond the rate of the creatures we eat, and have subjects of my own begetting, of my own loins, in such a number, that it will be fit for your Highness to transplant them for Colonies, and send them into the wide world for a living. Thus is the fool transported, taking Mr Licentiat for the Queen, and out of apprehension of he knows not what, he talks to he knows not whom.  
At last they discovered him amongst a company of intricate Rocks, all apparelled, but not Armed.] Sancho was to blame, 〈◊〉 let his Mr be thus surprised without his Arms on, his long penance having withdrawn his body from the full extension of his clothes many a handful, so that he looked as if he had been in a sack, or a scarecrow, rather than a man. So improper an oversight was never committed by a Squire of the body: Insomuch, tha● the Don in the beginnings of his adventures, providently would not suffer his Arms to be all taken off, when he reposed, but slept in the Helmet. To unmartial the whole man, and leave him without steel or iron upon him, is, as if you should pair the nails of a Lion, strip a Bear of her skin, rob a Fox of his tail, dishonour a Cock of his spurs: That is to Caponize the gallant spirit of the Creature, and to render him less formidable to his Antagonists. A Knight-errant without Arms on? credentne posteri?  
I will not answer you a word, nor hear a jot of your affairs, Fair Lady (quoth Don Quixot) until you arise from the ground.] It is much that he is not on his Knees too; for he was scarce able to stand on his Legs, which (if his Arms had been on) had not been so visibly flexible; for the Don through weakness bowed ever and anon, and recompensed her kneeling, with continual unavoidable cringes, which made him appear the most courtly Knight upon the earth. The case was plain, for he was not able to raise her up with his hands, but she expected his gracious word of mouth, which was stronger always than his Arms or Legs, and promised a great deal more.  
I do give and grant it, quoth Don Quixot, so it be not a thing that may turn to the damage or hindrance of my King or Country, etc.] A very loyal exception: Three obligations which he had forfeited over and over, and yet to see the tenderness of his Conscience in a point which he so often violated. This faithful lover of his Prince, is under privy search of the Holy Brotherhood, for the rescue of his Majesty's slaves sent to the Galleys. The Country was full of hues and cries for the adventure of the sheep, which his Manchegan Farm would not satisfy. The Helmet of Mambrino, was the poor Village-Barbers goods, which he took to arrest him for, as he passed the Town; the present subsistence, which Sancho (his Receiver and Treasurer had) were the spoils of Cardenio's Portmantle, beside the several Hosts, (his unwilling Creditors) who intended to does- Rosinante him, and send him home Knight-Errant on foot, if he paid not, what his Squire and Himself had eaten. Lastly, for his obligation to his Lady, there was no fear, but of himself: For who could damnify her, who had nothing to lose, not so much as credit? and for his personal injury to her, he had sufficiently done it in his Penance, which had so mortified the man in him, that all the wealth he had would not repair him into a reasonable proportion of night-service, which if he fail in, Dulcinea was like to Orlando him, though it were by his Squire Sancho.  
And therefore hands to the work, for (they say) that danger always followed delay.] Concluded most Heroically! 'twas well to call for hands, (and more hands than thine own) or else the work would be very ill done. Yet I think in this point Sancho's opinion was right, (that it was a matter of nothing) for there being no such Queen, and no such Kingdom, the Squire's word is here to b● taken, and the Don's Proverb of delay proves dangerous, is enfeebled, for the less speed, or a festina len●è were farr● more safe and easy; but hands to the work however, and at length restore the Queen to her legs, for shame that ever such a decrepit Knight should undertake so chymaericall employments, and is not able to relieve a Lady from her Knees. It was not want of humanity in him, but strength, saith our Author. Fasting is an ill preparative for a Ball, and the Don was (notwithstanding his sniffeling example of Amadis Du Gall, or any other puling Knight) in a wrong course to reconcile himself by abstinence to any distasted Lady, especially such an hirudinous and extracting Lady, as Dulcinea; who would have tired Hanibals Army, after he had rested a month in Capua, being of a larger size than Messalina, and vaster desires. This next civility will drown all that is past, for he will not permit the Queen to kiss his hand, but keeps them in his pockets, and cannot be constrained upon those terms to draw 'em forth.  
But it grieved Sancho to think that the Kingdom was in the Country of Blackamoors.] It was not just cause of grief; (Sancho) for if your primogenitors be not belied, the general smutch you have, was once of a deeper black, when they came from Mauritania into Spain, and the protuberancies of your lips both alike: Now indeed your teeth are not so white, nor your faces so black, though the Don by his Penance, had reduced himself almost into a Moor, and to his most Ill-favoured Face, had most clean teeth. But Sancho, were it not a more profitable and less cruel design, (then that of selling 30 or 40 thousand in a morning into Spain for slaves) to try a piece of experience, and since every man has two coats to his back, (that is two skins Sancho) an upper and an under, that thicker, to keep off the injury of aire-blows, and the like, the under, finer, and lighter like a summer coat. Flay therefore (Sancho) the tougher upper skinn off, and send them by Shiploads into all other Countries, (where solemnities for Funerals are used) and you may drive a mighty trade for mourning gloves, mourning saddle-clothes, and mourning buff, and Pantofles for Ladies, after they're covered with gold lace; (for no skin is softer than the Moors Sancho) thus Sancho you save the subjects in a whole skin, though not two, and the second skin proving white, you will have your Country called Albion, and your people Whites, not from the colour of their Sands, but their own strange Metamorphosis. Yourself called Blancho, that is the Fair, or Pharo, who was an Aethiopian Prince before you, that is, King of the Whites.  
Mr Curate was an ingenious and prompt plotter, and took out of his case a pair of shears, and cut off Cardenio's Beard therewith, all in a trice.] Sir John is turned John of all trades, Clericus & Laicus, a brace of Elders and a Presbyter, bound up in one Volume, the Tailor, Barber, and Licentiat; well (Sir) exercise your gifts; Cardenio's Beard is the first point to be handled, which being exorbitant and unfit for the Congregation, by the Scissors of authority, was reformed into a more brotherly cut. Exit Tonsor; enter Tailor with a Capouch and a long cloak, wherein having dressed the young Gentleman, he resembled a little Levite so handsomely, that in the ensuing passages he might hope to be Chaplain to the Queen of Micomicona; Mr Licentiat is left in Querpo, as if in Zeal he had preached his upper garment off, or else parted with them, when Duke D' Alva was beaten out of the low Countries, in the heat of that Reformation.  
But notwithstanding the Barber was so affrighted, as he fell to the ground with so little heed to his Beard.] By a Synecdoche of partis pro toto, the Ox tail being fallen to the ground, we may say Bos procumbit humi, for both lay together; nay down fell Mr Licentiat also, and so the old three may lie together, Bos, Fur, atque Sacerdos. 'Twas too much for a hackney to carry treble, they seldom are true to one; but Mr Curate must now show his skill, or Mr Nicholas, for all his two handed chin-cover will be found no Squire to the Queen of Micomicona, and then all's discovered, for the Don wondering at the Squires shear loss of his Beard, said, no Barber could have done it with so fine a slight of hand. He would profane an Agnus for an Ox tail, but murmured some few words over the Squire; strange! the Beard came to the Face, or the Face to the Beard, none knows which put the Don upon a request, that he might have that prayer against his evils; for no doubt if it were chin-proofe, it was tooth-proofe and limbeproofe, and easier carriage than the Balls amum Fierebras.  
Let me entreat you Mr Curate, the occasion which hath brought you hither to these Quarters so alone, etc. You shall understand, etc. read on, ad finem capitis.]  
Here Mr Curate is put to a grand case of Conscience, whether in point of urgent necessities, as the saving of a man's life from perils of robbers, or any other accident, (legally to be permitted) or from an obstinate melancholy in a person, sworn and devoted to ruin himself, and Family, in such a case for a majus beneficium or bonum Reipublicae, or to ones own self, whether the lips of the preacher is always to preserve truth? If the frequency of lying might excuse it, it hath justification enough. He answers his mental objection mentally, and saith, In ●oro, coram judice, in Pulpito, coram Episcopo, in rebus litem dirimentibus, he is substantially, really, and verily to speak the truth, and nothing but the truth; but in extrajudicial cases, (not ordinarily so) but such always which infer a public or a private good end: The Licentiat was satisfied that he might transgress the beaten path of truth, and take that way which made most expedition to his honest design in hand, and reckons those matters amongst the peccadilloes and venialia, which never come into the black book. But Mr Curate, by your leave, your slight transgression, is one of the loudest lies, that ever I heard of; what, seventy thousand Rials of eight sent for a token? what, Ships for a Convoy? But (cry you mercy) it may be Mr Licentiat was allied to Diego, Mr Lopez his Sexton, whose estate was incredible, and investigable by his executor; but happily some slight moiety is discovered, which our Indian friend very kindly sends for a token, a small remembrance of his love to his affected, though some 106 years posthumus Kinsman Mr Licentiat of the Mancha. The second lie is so mixed with divinity, that with a little enlargement it might have served for a homily of charity, taken in the example (in the same case) of the Traveller, who fell among Thiefs; and questionless with the Pathetic expressions, which he was singular at, the Manchegan could not choose but melt into pity and relief, as is ordinary upon the Lady's side, and that's the moving side that carries all; but the severe rebukes end all in a general pardon, (which though the Don intended not to confess the crime) he resolved to make use of, and said Amen to himself and the prayer.    

CHAP. III.  
The Queen of black Micomicon relates  
A story blacker than her present Fates;  
And in such tragic words her matter dresses,  
The Don is more enraged than Captain Bessus;  
Whose Diary for dinners, and for Duels,  
The Don did like, but of Knight-Errants fuels:  
The want of which, caught in a humming lie,  
The Knight that fought byth' clock at Shrewsberry.  
The Don had kept a Register, and did set down  
What Giant must be fought that day; what Town  
Relieved; what Castle battered; all was there,  
But that he durst not show the Register.  
They were Cardenio's Tablets, whose good Mantell,  
Had furnished 'em with many a savoury Cantell:  
(Another Postill for the Curate.) Don  
Grants all, and straight is for Micomicon.  
Conquers before he sees: successful Caesar  
Did never such stupendious acts as these are.  
Then like a gallant Knight at the last closing,  
He leaves her person to her own disposing.  
He scorned to make her prize, and give her Kingdom;  
This dumpt poor Sancho, as'● had been a thing-done,  
And happy it had been, had he been mute:  
For while he doth Dulcinea's face confute,  
Enraged Quixot at his Lady's trumps,  
Tilts Sancho down, and leaves him on his stumps.  
Until the Queen her grace came interceding,  
Sancho for love of her lay foully bleeding:  
All laws of Errantry forgot, his fire  
Was blown so high, he would have killed his Squire.  
But pacisyed by her (whose conquering looks,  
Wins more than swords) they now are for the Cooks.  
Yet Sancho growled, until at last a bl●ssing  
Beyond his thoughts, makes him forget his threshing.  
'Gins Passamont besmeared with soot and blacking,  
With Sancho's Ass unto a Fare was packing;  
The quick-eyed Boar had spied him, and unass'd-him,  
And in his arms most kindly he compassed him,  
And kissed his brother Animal; what passes  
You shall hereafter read betwixt these Asses.  

TEXT.  
I Advised him that he should see well what he did, and that it was a ' sin to deliver them.] To what purpose is it for a wise Lord to contrive and plot well, and have treacherous servants, fellows that are conscience-toucht with a Sermon? such timorous Rogues are not fit for noble engagements. The Don (you see) could hear all this learned Homily, as an unconcerned person, such a one is right, and if need be, he could rail against the villainy himself committed, the less suspected still; or if big enough, own it, justify it, the more feared, the more obeyed he is. But for this unserviceable Squire, with his confession, (his sordid simple confession) he deserves to be requited with the Proverbs, and the Don for his stout silence, and politic carelessness, in minding the story of the Slaves, is fit to be a proverb, and adage of concealment and secrecy for ever. Bottlehead was too good a word for him, unless it were an Ale bottle, which had discharged his Corck sentry, and run all out.  
First of all I would have you know (good sirs) that I am called, and here she stood suspended by reason she, etc.]  Oportet mendacem esse memorem. 
Sinon made not one rub in that long lie of the Trojan Horse, but with a solemnity, commanding belief, lays the whole business upon the gods, calls it the●r Artifico, Divinâ Palladis Arte.  
The memories of men and women have been very strange. Caesar's was such, as he could call his Soldiers all by their own names; Seneca could remember all that ever he wrote or did, others what other men do, and nothing of their own. Some remember more than they should, and some not so much; and those whose memories are pitched very low in the hinder part of their heads, are so long before they can pump out what they have treasured up, that they remember not at a first or second time, but at a third. I have heard of one of so strong observance and retention, that if he saw a man but once, he was able to tell him a long time after, how many buttons he had on his doublet, what kind of shoe-ties, bandstrings, and hatband he had at their first meeting: The chief matter is constitution, use, and liking. A well tempered brain remembers constant, habit strengthens, and perfects; and like old men, what we have a mind to and affect, will be remembered well enough. So it is with the Queen, whose own fancy setting her upon this design, (except the first halt) went very cleverly on with the rest of the story.  

Nicomiconas' Story.  
Imacrio skilled in Art, surnamed the Black,  
(Which men call (Magic) that do wisdom lack▪)  
And Xamarillae Queen, my parents were:  
Where no issue Male, and therefore I am heir.  
But wise Imacrio by his skill foreknew,  
That Xamarillas death would soon ensue;  
And his great knowledge let him understand,  
All matters would befall himself and Land:  
So that his own near destinies he told,  
(Though neither he nor his good Queen were old.)  
And what in future would become of me,  
And then he sighed out this sad Prophecy.  
Thy Mother's death, nor my own sudden end  
So trouble me, as what doth thee attend,  
(Poor senseless Princess:) When our heads are cold,  
Thou and thy Kingdom by a Giant bold  
Wilt be invaded, whom his Island write,  
Pandafilando of the dusky sight;  
Not that he squint-eyed is, for his eyes stand  
Well in his head, but he can them command  
To move distractedly, or outward swell,  
And by distortion looks more terrible;  
'Twere War enough for thee, his goggle eye,  
But yet he'll prove a fiercer enemy.  
For he shall first desire thee for his wife,  
That being denied, doth make immor●all strife.  
Straight with an Army of excessive courage,  
He shall thy rich and vast Dominions forage,  
And put thee unto flight. Wherefore begun  
Nicomicona from Micomicon:  
Let him a while usurp thy rights, which are  
To be be regained by a great Knight from far.  
Then reaching out a book of Characters,  
This book, saith he, directs and never errs.  
Thou must dear soul (believe the mystic signs,  
For thy redemption couched in these dark lines,)  
With all the speed thou canst for Spain: Once there,  
Report will ring thy rescuer to thy ear.  
And as I guest upon a leaf, he wrote  
His name Aco-te, sure, or Don Hy-hot.  
False memory! A Knight of stature high,  
By nature wrought and formed for victory,  
Of swarfy look, but yet condition mild,  
(Except when just adventures make him wild.)  
Moreover, my learned Father did condole  
A mark the Knight had, 'twas a mighty mole;  
Which had it grown above his grizly chin,  
No Knight like him for Errantry had been;  
But on his sturdy shoulders left right side,  
There is this mark of honour to be spied:  
And which his strength, and fortunes plain do show,  
Hairs on the mole like bristles thick do grow.   
Sancho leapt at the word (above the rise of Jack-pudding in a Morris dance,) and said, O Queen, O King! thou art the man, thou art the man! For when you were (great Sir) in the naked part of your Penance, I saw (to my great joy, I saw) this molehill and the bristles growing on them; and being you were hog-backt, you must needs have more of them about you, which shows, that you shall not only fetch your enemies over the lef● shoulder, but if need be yourself is able (if you shoot out the natural Artillery of your body) to be as mischievous as an Italian with his venomed shaft under cloak: As you stood in the field naked between two trees, I took you for a turnepike; I saw so many of these Molehills and sharp Spears about you, that if you had but rushed and flirted like a Turkey cock, I should have been afraid of dying no other death, then by the shooting of your quills through me.  

Nicomicona proceeds.  
These things discovered which my Father told,  
Which my abusive brain could hardly hold,  
And tha● your name (most Noble Quixot) hits  
So near to those of my mistaken wits;  
And reading in your looks no common matter,  
(The front's a glass that will not easily flatter)  
There needs no more Certificates. I've seen,  
Happy the hour! him, that will make me Queen.  
The Knight ordained by stars for this design,  
Methinks I do already count all mine.  
And that Pandafiland of the dark sight,  
Is by your valiant hand deprived of light;  
His head cut off (the cause of all uproars)  
And in a trophy (as was once the Boars  
Born before Bevis) carried on a Pole,  
Wheresoe'er Don Quixot moves. Thus take the whole  
Of what my Father showed: Beside he wrote  
In languages, not understood a jot  
By me, (as Chaldee or Greek Character,  
As those that knew the meaning did aver;)  
That if the Knight of this grand Prophecy  
(After the Giant slain, his Arms laid by;)  
Should burn with gentle heat and soft desire,  
And love shall kindle in his bones a fire,  
That could not but by me extinguished be,  
I should incline to's suit, and make him King,  
And with my loved self give every thing.   
What thinkest thou of this friend Sancho?] Transported Don is raised a pin or two above his judgement (and carried by strong imagination, and an ambitious mind.) He supposes his work done before it is begun; the enemy slain, the Queen restored, himself inaugurated and naturalised on a Black, his Royal Robes on, and the glittering Ensigns of his men, State and dignity borne before him, and himself to be acknowledged (by conjunction with the Queen) lawful King of Micomicona during her life: nor is Sancho behind him for a Pigeon; both deluded commit equal errors. The Don is indeed a more thoughtive, inward, close, and concealed Cocksome; Sancho open, and in this point irrecoverably cozened, until the sad Catastrophe shows the Play to be a jig, all mockery and mirth. In the mean time Sancho's a Player, and Acts a Lord.  
" Thus Sancho makes fine Dorothy a Queen,  
" Kissing her hand, that until now was clean.  
" (So only fit to do him grace,) her word  
" Is his Commission for a future Lord.  
I will say no more, it is not possible that ever I may induce myself to marry another, though she were a Phoenix.] A brave recoil upon his Soul, and the very secret of it displayed in a sentence. It is not beauty, proportion, gamesomenesse, majesty, affability, that are the objects of every one's love. For we see men (as wise Don Quixot to make election) choose neither fair nor comely women, and yet find sufficient ground even in their Persons, to be taken pleased and contented. And there are those that have the choicest pieces for exquisite feature on earth, married even to the envy and neighing of every one that sees them, and these singular objects of Love meet not with constant and reciprocal heats; If the face be the first attractive, that like the day is eclipsed and not seen, not admired. Many A●●●nes (after the heyday of the blood is over) are left miserably to the 〈◊〉 and woods; their spouses inveigled by such dross and dunghill Perso●s that no clean thing will touch 'um. Some undergo Penelope's long time of Melancholy and spinning, whilst their seduced Husbands are fooled into a far Country by some Dalila's (that had tried most of her own) and there lose life, Concubine, fortunes, and all. What should any man see in a whore to affect her more than a wife? unless he suspects his own to be so, nay it hath been the captivity of some men's affection, to accept, and make their own Incumbencies tried and known reversions. 'Tis better to shoot at rovers, then when you have chose a standing mark, to play at random. Don's thoughts are fixed, and what ever it was that caught his prying and understanding heart, it could be no unworthy thing, unless his love was like (the others) no love in the Epigram. 
Non amo te (Sabidi) nec possum dicere quare;  
Hoc tantum possum dicere, non amote  
è Converso.  
I love Toboso, and I know not why,  
Only I say, I love her (whimsyly.)  
Text proceeds.  The refusal of the Phoenix, is an irrefragable sign of his constancy, which made Sancho chatter like a Jay.  
That which Don Quixot said disliked Sancho so much, as he lift up his voice with great anger.] What, despise a Phoenix? O Owl! hast thou only kept company with Bats, Buzzards, Beetles, in this long retirement in the Desert? are you of a feather? It is blindness, obstinate blindness; you shut up your eyes against the Phoenix of the Times, (indeed made brighter by the ashes of affliction) and hunt after Mice and vermin: On● glote of the Queen's eye, is more pleasant, lovely, and bewitching, then if Dulcinea should cast her heart up, which would i● were out, rather than it should disturb us in the progress to our honours. Sir, settle here your choice affection, and despise for ever that Scavenger's load and aneusance of Toboso, but that her form and face did privilege her, she had gone with honest dirt and dust-ho, to the Common shore, where a Cage was a Palace sit to entertain her, near those airs she best thrived in, and recruited.  
Don Quixot hearing such blasphemies spoken against his Lady Dulcinea, could not bear them any longer.]  
— Manet all ● ment re●ôtum  
judicium stolidi, spretaeque injuria Doudae.  
Most quarrels are upon these occasions; Wars have been waged, and Nations embroiled in blood one against another; and — Belli teterrima Causa,— etc.  
Such a fowl business (as Toboso's) hath been the shameful furzbush to set 'em all on fire. But a Knight-Errant of all men is Paramount, the Champion of all Ladies, in defence of their honesty and beauty; much more for his own. And therefore his sudden revenge upon his foul mouthed Squire was here justifiable, and if he had ●●rook him into, or through the Earth, (as it was much he had not) Sancho could not have returned any just exception to it. But Sancho had created Dorothea his Queen, and she was prevalent with her hoped for spouse (the flower of Spain) in begging pardons, the Don was merciful, and forgave any one he had hurt.  
Run Sancho and kiss your Lords hands.] He went as willingly as a dog to a whip: But remembering that those hands were hereafter to wield a Sceptre, and to be the long and powerful hands of a King, in reverenc● to that change, (for he thought at the reception of those sacred Functions there was some ●minent alteration in the Person) he did come slowly to the honourable Penance, wishing all peace for the ●uture, and that no occasion might be given or taken, whereby the Don should struck his head, or he lick his Majesty's fingers.  
And as they were talking, they espied a Gallant coming to them, riding on an Ass●] A Rogue had benighted himself in an Egyptian dress, and smooty face, and thought he road in the dark, but he had forgot to discolor his Ass, by which his Thievery is brought to light. Sancho hath discovered the Ass to be his adopted Creature, naturalised into the family, and soon after the sullied Knight upon the back of it, 'Gins Assamount, whom with his loud cries he follows so close, that he makes 'Gins of an Asinester, Pedester, and himself Alacer. And now Resonant Asinelida Sylvae, and Sancho having more feet then ordinary, yet no Lyric Poet by the recovery of his Ass, broke into these raptures.  
And do I hold thee! and behold thee, ●oo!  
O le●'s be mutual mirrors at this view;  
Never were glasses truer! Thy Sweet Face  
I knew as well, as any of my Race:  
Our dogs do lick our chaps, why may not we,  
(Two goodlier Creatures far) join Physiognomy?  
What stately ears it bears! and how upright!  
Our Rosinant doth envy at their height.  
No sly Egyptian Thief, no 'Gins, no force,  
Shall ever Sancho and his Ass divorce;  
And wheresoe'er this History shall be,  
When you do see the Ass, you do see me;  
And when the Ass is of this World no more,  
For Sancho and his Ass as (One) deplore.    

CHAP. IU.  
Sancho the meanness of Dulcinea tells,  
How thres●er-like she works, and likewise smells;  
Says, that the Don with Lances might prevail,  
But she would do such wonders with a Flail:  
When that he boldly to her presence thrust,  
She was engaged up to the ears in dust;  
But by the favour of the scattering wind,  
He saw her face, exceeding womankind.  
Her stature man's; he feared, being no higher,  
she'd take him for your Dwarf, and not your Squire.  
Quixot turns all (like men Ictericall)  
Into the colours he abounds withal,  
And highly praises, what no man (but He)  
Could ever to its foulness vili●y.  
Hear how poor Andrew magnifies the Don,  
And the same praise will serve for both as one.  

TEXT.  
ALL this liketh me well, said Don Quixot, therefore say on, thou arrivest and what was that Queen of beauty doing then?] This Dialogue of the Don and Sancho, concerning the high and mighty Dulcinea of Toboso, may be compared to those of Lucian; it being Laus & vituperium Rei, full of Hyperbolical and ridiculous flatteries on the Don's side, and down right and blunt abuses on the Squires. I know no reason, but it may be in rythme; for Knight-Errants as they were inspired with Languages, so they were able upon all occasions to express themselves in Prose or Verse, and their Squires also had a sprinkling of this gift.— Amant alterna Camaenae. You shall have them as at the examination office, the Don with his Amatory interrogatories, and Sancho deposing nothing to the purpose.  D. Quix. 
When at Tobosos Palace, (pleasures roof)  
Thou and our Rosinant did rest your hoof;  
What was Dulcinea, Queen of beauty, doing?  
What wise employments keep her from fond wooing?  S. Pan. 
She takes the safest course to turn off Courting,  
Is always moiling, and herself be-durting,  
(Like to a Sow in snow-broth) somewhat neater  
Your letters had the happy luck to greet her.  
Then too, to quench desires, in labour great  
With a round sive she winnowed chaff from wheat.  D. Quix. 
Wheat? thou blind cockrel, tak'st thou wheat for pearls?  
All those rich grains thou saw'st were gifts for Earls.  S. Pan. 
It may be so; when she had made it bread,  
'twas fit for the best Prince to put in's head.  D. Quix. 
When with obeisance just, (humble and low,  
With all the niceness of Punctilio)  
Thou didst present our letters to her hand,  
Did she not kiss the seal? and wondering stand  
To see the signature, (this Countenance print)  
And seem to see no common matter in't?  S. Pan. 
Your letter by a Clerk of Sancta Fides  
Was wrote from mouth, & sealed with some Mervidas;  
But yet in sign of joy her high reared hand  
Bore up the sieve, and as I careless stand  
In the winds mouth, in mine her wheat-dust flew,  
And in my eyes, that I no Christian knew;  
But threw your Letters on her empty sack,  
To rub my eyes, like him o'th' Quinborough back.  
What queries did she make, whether her Don  D. Quix. 
Loved any other Queen? or her alone?  
She sifted much, and tried to ge● all o●t,  S. Pan. 
(The Devil could not cleanse it,) 'twas all smoot,  
Sooty, and blighted Corn. But than said I,  
Seeing her storm and stamp in such perplexity;  
Fairest of foulest work, your Lord, good Knight,  
In fouler fashion spends both day and night;  
You half undressed, in modest sympathy,  
The Knight all naked in the fields doth lie,  
Hungry and cold, deformed, cursing and raving,  
Living with beasts, and humane commerce waving.  D. Quix. 
Do not her silver pillars raise her high,  
That she doth seem an Arch of Majesty?  S. Pan. 
She and a Miller in the Pillory,  
O'er seers of a Market well might be.  D. Quix. 
Is not that spacious Palace (like the Suns)  
Decked with bright graces, and perfections?  S. Pan. 
Her Frontispiece is rich, that the sweet dimples  
We would see in her chin, are hid with pimples.  D. Quix. 
But bonâ Fide speak, what a rich scent,  
What fragrant flavour struck she as she went?  S. Pan. 
If I may trust (as to a Probe) my nose,  
See smelled, as if she'd newly plucked a Rose.  
Such odour breathed, & such strong airs were hobbling,  
As use to ascend from a new laid Tantaublin.  
What she evaporates from her wide Arms,  
Let them relate, whom the rank breathing warms.  D. Quix. 
But having thread the Pearl, (that thou call'st wheat)  
And got into some place of close retreat,  
Prithee how often did she read? how oft  
Salute my letter for the language soft?  S. Pan. 
As children do on writings sometimes stare,  
But being unskilled, the useless paperstare,  
And tread 'em under feet, so simple she  
A while stood gazing at the Roman (D)  
And (T) on the endorsement; then she tried  
Wheher they would a backside rub abide;  
And after that she rend in two small pieces  
The Letter, (not that she your love despises)  
But lest the secrets should discovered be  
To any one that should read more than she.  
She much was troubled (as I heard her say)  
At your night pennances, and hers of day,  
And doth command you from the Woods. But when  
I told her that all Knights and doughty men  
Gave to themselves some name appellative,  
And that your Fame would longer thence survive;  
How eager was she for to hear it told?  
I was as glad, and could no longer hold;  
Take it, he's Knight of the Ill-favoured Face,  
Nor could she hold, but shook the very place  
Whereon she stood with laughing; she so shook,  
'Twas hard to tell which way her strainings took;  
Nor left she, till I asked her if some slaves  
Had come to do her homage; but the Knaves,  
She said, came not unto submission; but  
An honest Biscaine (who was beaten to't)  
Acknowledged her his ransom; but for her  
The Don had slain (he said) a Biscainer.  D. Quix. 
Our honour is preserved: But is hers too!  
Sancho, what jewel did she give to you,  
The guerdon of thy pains? hadst no rich gist?  
I know her heart, she'd make a scurvy shift  
To show her bounty, especially to one,  
Who brought such welcomed news from her high Don.  S. Pan. 
She was not at her Cabinet, if so,  
she'd much to give, but unto whom few know:  
she's rich and covetous, and ne'er appears  
Stately, but keeps her Robes for better years;  
Unguifted yet she sent me not away,  
'Twas dinner with her, and a reversed Tray  
Served for her Table, she herself did sit  
So pleased o'th' ground, as she were used to it;  
Then her provision from a bag she threw  
Onions and Garlic, Bread and Cheese out flew.  
She like a hungry Goshawk the prey seized,  
Until her wrung concavities were eased.  

" Her Grace when she had victualled that grand Camp,  
" Gave me a piece of Cheese tough as a vamp,  
" The grinding of it, gave my jaws the cramp.  
Out of a pot of water than she quaffed  
To my Ill-favoured Lord (said she) and laughed,  
And spouts the pledge into my face, full draught.   

It was enough, that she would deign to send,  
I mounted Rosinant, and there's an end.   
Seeing some wise man hath transported thee thither by stealth, and unaware of thyself.] Mephistopholus is the spirit of expedition, and consigned to attend Knight-Errants and their Ladies; for the Knights ride as if the Devil were under 'em, and their Ladies as if the Devil were in 'em, or over 'em; Pacolets horse is for their Lords, and the Nightmare or the Ephialtes for their Viragoes. It may be Dulcinea (that he might digest his entertainment) committed Sancho to one of her familiars, which gave him the Presto and a vade celeriter through the air, but Sancho came not flying, but lying all the way. By the help of these Necromantical Pneumatergies, Drake encompassed the World with a Ship, shot the Gulf, and was three days before he rose again, the Sir Pol●'s dispatch Whales for intelligence, and as if there were a Post-Office amongst the Fish, you have Letters every day from all parts of the world, at a great deal cheaper rate than any from the Continent.  
And likewise I pray you not to trouble your mind, thinking to see my Lady Dulcinea at this time, but travel to the place where the Giant is and kill him, and conclude that business first.] Very well counselled Sancho, always kill the Bear before you divide his skin. There was an Irish soldier so wary, that one of his enemies being dead, he thought him not secure enough till he had cut off his head, and then he cried he had slain him. Sancho is for a head in a platter, a Thief in chains, a Mastiff in a muzzle, a Bird in the hand, a Mouse in a trap, Fish in the net. Such plain and easy proverbs learned in his rustical life, were of great use in his military affairs; for he was now a soldier of fortune, and it concerned him (as much as an Earldom) to have the Giant's head in his Wallet, that is, to remove all difficulties and obstructions to his own preferment.  
I have heard preached, said Sancho, that men should love, etc. I love and serve him for what he is able to do.] Here wants a Lipsian Marginal, a nollem dictum mi Tacite. In the like case, where the wise Historian makes too bold to censure the Actions of the gods, as he did frequently of the Emperors; saying, Credo diis magis nostram ultionem curae esse quam securitatem. But Sancho's is a censure of men, or rather a censure upon himself, why and for what reasons he served God, which being profane might have been spared, though 'tis too true, and what the Satirist long ago observed, that our prayers were made to the gods, but the matter was all for ourselves.  
Prima fere vota, & cunctis notissima Templis  
Divitiae ut crescant, ut opes ut maxima toto,  
— nostra sit Arca foro.  
The sum of most men's Oraisions is this;  
Descend O Jove, as once thou didst of old  
Into thy Danae's lap, (thy seat of bliss)  
So to our Chests in yellow showers of gold:  
Or else, 'tis like poor john Bee,  
Who prayed for himself, his Barns and his Wife,  
Ne give's short commons: ne give us shortlife.  
Mr Nicholas perceiving them drowned thus in their discourses, cried out to them to stay and drink of a little Fountain that was by the way.] Mr Nicholas did very well to put them in mind of water, for their discourses were very dry. Water's like Butter, 'tis good for any thing, and according to the play of what is it good for, it is good for Sancho's foul mouth to wash it clean after the telling of so many lies to his Master. It was good for his Mrs' Face to cleanse that too, if the Proverb of his Ethiopian subjects did not obstruct it. It was good for Cardenio, who looked like a Westphalia Flitch, with long watching and fasting. It was good for Mr Licentiat, who as a scholar was to taste of the fountain in memory of Parnassus, as a Divine in memory of his holy water. 'Twas good for the Lady Dorothea to be styled the only meritorious and sacred Nymph of that Fountain, and it was good for Mr Barber, if his sweet-balls had been present, to have washed, shaved, and made all handsome gratis, or symbolo soluto, paying nothing at the Inn for his ordinary.  stratâ discumbitur herba. 
In the mean time the Curate (of two cures now, for here his provision is for the body) entreats her Ladyship to take a green Gown, and all like good people of the first age, make the grasse-plat their table, and accept of Mr Curates parabile, and his sentences in praise of slender diet, as modicum non nocet, Natura minimo contenta, especially to those who had so long fasted, through the ●ares satisfy their stomaches; and though it is a common saying, venture caret Auribus: Yet in case of a general want, the belly must hear with others ears (as they say) and be ruled by the economical discipline of the whole body.  
O my Lord, do you not know me? I am the youth Andrew, whom you unloosed from the Oak, whereunto I was tied.] Don Quixot (seeing his freed man Andrew) did arrogate unto himself the greatest piece of Chivalry that ever was performed by Knight-Errant, and is so transported with the confidence of Andrew's magnifying his redemption, and praising his most valorous and just encounter, that he cannot forbear to make his mouth more unsavoury by his own vain and foolish commendations, which he hoped would have been seconded by Andrew. But such was the issue, as of his dialogue betwixt Sancho and himself, concerning Dulcinea, and tends as much to his honour, as that to hers.  
Answer me, be not ashamed, nor stagger at all, but tell what passed to these Gentlemen.]  Infandum (quoth Andrew) jubes renovare dolorem. 
Sir, pluck off my doublet, and there read the bloody History of my Mr Haldudo, and poor Andrew; I am so scarified, that with a little salt, I should make an excellent Carbonado. Many a line there is in memory of your Honour's intercession, (pox of your appearance) and the scoffs wherewith he e'er beat me, were as dolorous as the blows upon my back; in such and the like scurrilous words whispered, while he was louder in his punishment.  
Andrew, accept this wholesome Bastinado,  
'Tis sent you from your friend, 〈◊〉 Don Bravado;  
Reliever of oppressed servants from harsh Masters,  
And then he yerked my back with his thong-wasters:  
And 'twixt his whips insults, and every stroke,  
O pray for your redeemer Don an Oak!  
And when soe'er the Knight shall pass this way,  
Tell him your Master gave you royal pay.  
Wherefore Andrew concludes all with a very plentiful curse upon Don to his Face, and all of his Tribe, though himself was newly entering into it, and wanted but a Master; 'Gins Passamont is about the wood (Andrew) and if you meet, you'll hardly part; you will live and die together.    

CHAP. V.  
Mine Host right use of these Romances got,  
Reading such books merrily o'er the pot  
Unto his guests; and every Giant slain,  
And Lady rescued, (Tapster) brought up twain,  
Not Giants, but fresh pots; then those dispatch  
In healths unto the Lady's Princely match,  
And to the Knight her valiant Paramour;  
Why, here's no danger now but of the score:  
But mine Hosts credit upon that doth lie,  
That truth be in his Ale, as History.  
Fresh Tales, fresh Taps; and thus they frolic through  
The Arts of Thracian Cirongilio,  
And Tope away Hercanian Fleximart;  
(A sober Knight, and used not to that Art)  
So Don Diego Garcia of Par-edes,  
Hath Pitcher-praise, and double health his meed-is.  
So when our Don at his long home is anchored,  
His memory in a Manchegan Tankard:  
By the old Wives will be kept up, that's all,  
Counted the merriest, tosseth up the same.  
(John Falstaffs Windsor Dames memorial)  
A Goddard or an Anniversary spice-Bowle,  
(Drank off by th' Gossips, e'er you can have thrice told)  
And a God rest his soul. Our Don is laid,  
Truce with the world; Mills be no more afraid,  
And Sheep graze quietly, Courses go free,  
The Don is laid, men may have leave to die,  
And to be buried; Carriers keep the roads,  
No more do you yourselves rifle your loads,  
And lay it on Knight-Errants and their Squires.  
Sancho's a man of no such base desires,  
An Earl in losses, and hath noble thoughts;  
But when the Curate proved those books were nought  
But lies and Fabulous delights, and Errantry  
A Figment! Sancho put finger in th' eye.  

TEXT.  
NOW by my bless'ed self! thou shalt use my tail no more for a beard.] De Lanâ Caprinâ, or Aprugnâ; contention is ridiculous; but this Ox tail is esteemed as her own, I know not upon what ground, unless her own had made her Husband's head suitable to this Ox tail, for nothing will serve to cleanse his comb, (which was the cleanser of his head, and displayer of his high frontiers) but this pied Ox tail, which Mr Barber was so delighted with, that he preferred it before his Landladies, and admitted it nierer his lips, than he would her fa● maine-pillion. But at last the Barber (Mr Curate earnestly persuading) like the Castor pursued, parts with his taile-piece, and walks as one of the dirumped Poultry, afraid he should catch an extreme cold in his face, and be troubled with the chincough.  
At the Table they discoursed of Don Quixots strange Frenzy, and what happened betwixt him and the Carrier, etc. And the story of Sancho's canvasing.] The last guests discourses, carriages, and freeness, is the certain news for the next comers. If one were inquisitive to find out others men's use of their liberty, let him follow a day behind upon the road. The sageness, civility, thrift, abstinence, and such like personated parts and customs at home, will be all laid aside, like Mr Curates divinity with his Capouch, when he hath a mind to make merry with the good wives of his parish. And these merry make, mine Host is as sure to relate to the succeeding Travellers, as what robberies are committed, though he himself were of the company. The Hostess hath caught poor Sancho in the Blank ets too, and tosseth him afresh before his lovely Queen Doro●haea; and 'twas strange the foul Beast Maritornes had so much modesty to conceal her and his back hot cockles betwixt the sheets. In the mean while the Don sleepeth, and his Squire Sancho watcheth, to learn if from his dreams any thing may be gathered of his future victories o'er the Giant.  
I myself have two or three Books of that kind, which do verily keep me alive, and not only me, but many others, etc.] Mine Hosts policy for the drawing guests to his house, and keeping them when he had them, is far more ingenious, pardonable, and profitable, than our duller ways of Billiards, Kettle-pins, Noddy-boards, Tables, Trunks, Shovell-boards, Fox and Geese, or the like: He taught his bullies to drink (more Romano) according to the number of the letters in the errand Lady's name.  Clodia sex Cyathis septem Justina bibatur. 
The pledge so followed in Dulcinea deal Toboso, would make a house quickly run round.  
No such Lure as drink and sports to bring any business about. A Gentleman distressed for want of labourers (it seems hi●'d out before) knew not how to inn his Harvest; wherefore he sent for a couple of Bearehoods, and proclaiming a free access to that sport, the workmen from all places came thither, and by that means with his brewings of Beer, and Brewin the Bear, he got his work done, and yet every day did play. Mine Host hath another benefit by his books, or his wife rather, for it seems he was a fiery choleric man, and the book was her security, as long as he was reading, she was at quiet; a very good recipe for either sex that are troubled with the Alarm of the tongue. Romances may be very well read by women in such cases, and not as Maritornes the fousty slattern made use of them to defile her brains with the conceit of embracing a Knight under an Or●nge Tree, what a Leman should he have of her? Good M Ursula! how sweet these things are to her! as Hony; O for the sting in the rail! to let her know that sweet meat must have sour sauce. The Hostess' daughter is also smitten, but dislikes the blows that are given, she cannot endure severing the head from the body. Those indeed were downright, but she was for a byblow.  
Peace (quoth the Hostess) for it seems thou knowest too much of those matters, and it is not decent, that maidens should know or speak so much.] The daughters of those mothers (who have been in the oven) are forward and understandable of women's matters, sooner than other children. The eggs that are hatched in an oven, bring forth spirituous chickens, and they commonly prove of the game. Mine Hostess and her daughter were as like as one egg to another, and like Mrs, like maid too; Maritornes served the Carriers, if they pleased the best sort: The rebuke might very well have been spared, for in that compellation of Maiden, it concerned not her. The old dame was fearful she should too much lay open secreta Domus, especially the Lady being present, whose supereminent gracious aspects, recalled a little modesty into their impudent breasts. My young inheritrix of the Inn would not have any man call her Tiger or Lion, she was gentle as a Lamb or a Cow, with stretched Udders, and this pliantness she had partly by nature, partly by example from her mother, whom she thought it religion to follow, though it were to the Devil.  
Gaudeant be●è nati,  
Defleant malè nati.  
Where much salt is, Pigeons will frequent, and they are Venus' birds: Cats have hot ingendring, and where the conceptions are fiery, the Kittens will be elemented alike. 'Tis that fire, that salvolatile which makes them of so strange agility, and in conclusion (as the English Proverb hath it) what is bred in the bones, will not easily out of the flesh. Romul●s was cruel from the womb, the Wolf with her milk, conveying her nature too. Wherefore it is not good to give female infants Goats milk, that is, not to suffer ranc'k, frowy and hairy nurses to suckle 'em, what the mother hath conferred is not curable by Physic, the mischief being scattered through the very Principles of Nature, and no more to be discovered then Materia prima, and as the learned Pliny saith, Morbi sicut alia legantur, Dropsies, Gouts, Palsies, Epilepsies, and most diseases are as haereditable from our Parents, as their estates. So their vices also, especially those ab utero derivata: For partus sequitur ventrem, and I never read that ever a Messalina brought into the world a Lucreece.  
Would you quath the Host burn my Books?] In good time, my wife first, if she were in a scolding fit. These books (Sir) they are the cement of my company, the glue that holds them all together, they draw more than my sign, or any thing I have within (except the Tapster.) Our mother the Church is never blemished by them, nor his Catholic Majesty, nor his Holiness at Rome; and why should any man seek to burn such Books which keep up Society and Ladies until midnight (if the Gentleman read emphatically and finely to them) they inflame men and women, and put true spirits into us; besides it is a great help to Printers and Booksellers, who dare venture upon nothing that is serious and true, these being innocent pastimes, and other works dry, and fitter for the fire. Consider also that they are great helps to such ho●ses as ours, though but few in the world beside myself, of my function, I think can read such hard names as are in these volumes. How Mr Traquitantoes of the Commarke of St Lucrees: You must suffer me a little to digress and make it known to you, that there are men of your profession in other parts of the world, who have read as good Romances as these, and have thence so furnished themselves with invention upon all occasions, that they scorn to turn to a book when they would make their guests merry, but out of their own sparkling forges have found delight and pleasance for the whole time of their stay, were it a week long. And I shall give you a taste of the pr●gnancies of those Innkeepers where I or my friends have fortuned to travel, a little to prick the swelling of the bladder. In Bellosyte of the D●luin are rare, acuminate, quick and fantastical blades of your employment, that have hundred witty Remoras for their guests, which they cannot escape for the frequency of them, nor dislike them for the invention. One of them having some guests that loved Larks, said, I will fit you with such a service of Larks as you never heard of the like before: how, Landlord, quoth the Gentlemen, what part of the sky proves your net, that you have such heavenly food! The Innkeeper soberly (as his custom was) replied; gentlemen, The Larks come not to me by miracle, nor do I take Quails for Larks; But these birds my servants catch, indeed, the rarity is their taste, as you will find at supper; for (mark me Gentlemen) in and near the Fields where these pretty warblers' resort, I myself set Garlic and Onions, which the birds feeding on, have such a natural Hogou, that no French Artisan is able to make a higher, but for fashion sake there needs no sauce, and it is always disht several, that the Larks grand taste may be found to be from its self, nor is this all the virtue that comes from my device, for (Gentlemen be confident 'tis true) I have preserved of the young ones, and trained them up to sing, and they have learned instantly; but then by reason of this opening food, which I always used them to in their Cages, O what throats they had! what melody they made! no Canary Bird hath reached so shrill a note, the Nightingale not clearer, and that you may be confirmed in the truth of it, you shall have a Cage brought in, and as they sing, (though that air be sweet and desirable) you shall smell easily by what arts they come to have their pretty pipes so clear. This is very strange replied the Gentlemen. If this be strange, said mine Host, what think you then of my brother at the next sign, who hath taught four Robin Redbreasts of several growths, as he had chosen Musicians, to sing in parts, which they have done long, to the great delight of all his customers. But unhappily an envious Bard of the Town, seeing the birds have more custom than themselves, gave one of them Allom instead of Sugar, and so spoiled the Consort, so that now I believe my Larks will carry it for music, from all the birds in Town or Country.  
A friend of mine was pleased to grace me with a few Verses upon the raw subjects.  

Sonnet.  

1.  
Ho Traveller! go not to night,  
Before thou know our Bellosite,  
A thousand rarities are here,  
'Twill find thee pleasure for a year.   

2.  
If stately buildings thee delight,  
Thebes unto there's a homely sight;  
'Tis Paradise upon my word,  
And it hath now a flaming sword.   

3.  
If air, the spirits subtle friend,  
Here's air will keep you without end,  
And lend you an immortal breath,  
Able almost to cozen death.   

4.  
If Music or of men, or birds  
Affect you, go not to our herds:  
The Muse's seat is here; some sing,  
And some do ravish on the string.   

5.  
No where the birds such Music make,  
Taught by the men that do them take;  
A thing not heard of, by their arts  
They teach the birds to sing in parts.   

6.  
The feathered consort of the Town  
Will sing in tune, a catch or round  
And their great Teachers of the City  
Swear, that in time they'll sing the ditty   

7.  
Come Nightingale, and come you Thrushes,  
Leave the dull Woods, and verdant bushes,  
And with this Garlic clear your throats,  
Or never hope to reach these notes.   

8.  
Thou Traveller, go not to night,  
Before thou know our Bellosite,  
And mayst relate this only rare,  
That birds in Inns ou●-chant the air.    
There were no living (Gentlemen) with us, unless something new and unvulgar be in our houses, for every man here strives to exceed another, thereby to gain Customers; so that keeps our wits in action, and emulation preserves our trading. I had some guests that were very unapt to sleep any where but in their own houses, which when I once understood, against their next coming I made a pretty perfume of many odours, and amongst them mingled Poppy leaves, and would you think it? the composition wrought so effectually upon their brains, that whereas they heretofore awakened all the house in a morning, now they would not have awaked if the house had fallen upon their heads. When they were up, the whole discourse was of the sound sleeps and pleasant rest they took; to which I replied nothing, but that I had given special order for the making their beds. One of my neighbours carried all the strangers away before him: He being famous for catching a monstrous Eel with his horse hoof; for coming through a Marsh, a loose nail stroke into the fish, and held it: Being caught, insensible to the rider, until his horse being often vexed with the fishes rigling about his heels, threw the Innkeeper off his back, whereby he came to see what he had caught, beside his fall. The great● esse of the fish (for he swore it was as thick as his signpost) and the manner of taking it, attracted much people to his house, for he had stuffed the skin for a show, and made it bigger than any Conger. This story swam a long while, until it was drowned by a brother of ours, who being a great fisher, trolled for a Jack, which he had observed often, and was of a wonderful growth, wherefore furnished with tackle accordingly to the worth of his prey, he threw in and suddenly she pouched his bait, and held him play for an hour before he could bring her to land, than he presently disgorged the fish, and upon the opening, out flew a Wild Duck, which it seems the Pike caught as it made a stoop to the water; the Duck by reason of the closeness of the place it was in, and being gripped at the catching, could not fly far, so that he came home with double prey, and justifies this to be no flying report.  
These are their domestic attractives, besides that, they are full of all manner of public news, and let no accident slip them, that will serve to supply talk, or retard a Traveller; and as he finds your journey lie, so he finds out some cruel robbery done in the way you are to go, or of Inns upon that road, that are suspected to be haunted by Spirits, and then tells an artificial tal● of an Inn, in that manner frequented, whither a Gentleman coming late, the Host told him all the Chambers were taken up, except one, which he durst not commend to him, because of the Spirits that did disturb any that lay there. The Gentleman said (mine Host) with your leave I will lie in this spiritual room, and will venture my flesh amongst amongst. Mine Host dissuaded, but could not prevail; wherefore a good fire was made, and supper in good time brought in, the guest was instantly for bed, his Landlady and Host bidding him good-night, in as sad a tone, as if it had been his last farewell, he had not lain long after the candles were burnt out, but the Familiars were upon his bed, squeaking and running upon his pillow; for the redress whereof, he took one of the bed-staves, and as they came in his reach, he laid a Spirit sprawling, and thus played the Conjurer, until they were weary of Phairy Dances. In the morning he looked upon the floor, and found himself victor over a score of Rats, and calling for his Host, who came gladly to him, he showed him his Devils, that had lost him the benefit of that room so long. Mine Host wondered with himself, where the Rathaunt should be. The Gentleman looking behind a vacant place, found a tub and three quarters full of feathers, and being quick of apprehension, conceited they quartered in that warm corner; wherefore he desired a Kettle of water scolding hot might be brought in, which he suddenly poured into the tub, and immediately there was sogreat a cry of the scalded Vermin, as made mine Host think the Devils were in the feather-tub, until the drowned Rats, which were many, were thrown out, and the Devils appeared in their own likeness, for which cleanly exorcizing of the room, the Host would take nothing for the Gentleman's entertainment, Horse or man; and which do you think now, mine Host of Andalusia▪ is the unprobablest of these inventions? truly I think that of mine Hosts liberality, and the remission of the reckoning. And now that you see how Hosts in other Countries, reap great benefit by lies of their own making, we may return to Mr Curate, who is labouring to prove those lies which you read and are not of your own making. But here Sancho Pancho interrupts us with his sad apprehensions, that the Licentiat should speak truth.  
Sancho rested much confounded and pensative of that which he heard them say, that Books of Chivalry only contained follies and lies.] But that the sight of Dorothea kept up his spirits, this day we had lost a Squire, one Lecture had converted him; a place or two ab improbabili, & impossibili, being able to work miracles in a Country Auditory. So that Sancho fell into some pusillanimous-selfe-discourses, and was overheard to say in muttering grumbling manner as followeth.  
Have I for this sold my fat Sow and Pigs,  
To purchase lies, Romances, and false jigs?  
If Amadis du Gaul and Palmerin  
Be lies, what whimsey-●ados are we in?  
No Giants to be slain, no Emperors?  
No Emperor, no Sancho Governor:  
But by the life of my Egyptian Queen,  
(Than whom, a fairer Lady can't be seen)  
I do believe in Giants and in Lands too,  
And that the Books of Chivalry are true  
As any legend, and that my Don Quizzot,  
Shall get the great Nicomicon for's lot,  
And for a Concubine in Guinea,  
He may besport it with Dulcinea:  
And I contented in some fruitful Island,  
Shall spend my days, and neither sell, nor buy Land.    

CHAP. VI and VII.  
Mine Host this budget (like Pandora's box)  
Mischievous stories of all sorts unlocks.  
Here he displays a simple Florentine,  
Hatching against his wife a fond design,  
Having no cause of any jealousy,  
But constant proofs of love and chastity.  
Yet he will try the purest gold; the touch  
Sullied his piece, and did his Ingotsmutch:  
The Coxcomb hires his shame, and gets a Crest,  
(Actaeon with a fairer was not blest)  
His reasons laid, that women never tried,  
Are therefore chaste; but she that hath denied,  
Resisted bribes, and opportunity,  
And a solicitor of graceful eye,  
Apt to convince; she merits all the praise,  
And thus a Trophy to his wife he'll raise.  
Lothario is his engine, his best friend,  
(Wealthy and young, and fit for such an end)  
But his high amity did overrule,  
He argues and dissuades, but the stiff fool  
Will hear no reason; such dangerous trials  
" Rather instruct to lust, then raise denials.  
" Keep Virgin ears, such as you found 'em, pure;  
" Young Hawks in time do stoop unto the Lure:  
" And let your Camilas deportment be  
" A bar and check to all immodesty.  
E'en as she was, (for yet he never saw)  
A face of so much freeness, and such awe.  
All this wrought nought; but loath Lothario  
(Unwilling any else so much should know  
Of his friends follies) doth attempt the thing,  
With like success as Gyges to his King,  
Cozened Anselmo, like all Coxcombs, dotes,  
And loves her better (so a Whore besots)  
Deflowered, then chaste; such arts those gamesters have,  
Their 
* The Wittol prostitutes his wife to be wittee, take● possession.  Wittols to their wittees to enslave.  
I shall not make any literal observations upon this story of the curious, Impertinent, but only labour to satisfy Mr Curate, who having read and liked the penning of it, yet stood incredulous to the belief, supposing it a fiction; for as he saith in the eighth Chapter, being the Catastrophe and winding up of the whole matter.  

TEXT.  
I cannot imagine, that any Husband would be so foolish, as to make so costly expense, for the purchase of a stain.] Mr Curate, to corroborate, confirm, and illustrate this History by many examples, is the best way to reconcile the credit to it, and first in your own way. Abraham durst not let Sarah pass for his own wife, but agreed with her (while she travelled through a strange Country) to go by the compellation of his sister, whereby (had no divinity interrupted the events,) he brought his wife into great danger of her honour. But Mr Curate, I shall endeavour to give you more pregnant proofs in the next relations. It was in the Country of the Oriental Saxons, where a man offended much that he had no child by his wife, took a mad course to obtain his desire, and condemning himself in the case of insufficiency▪ absolved his wife, assuring his thoughts, that change of Person would remedy the business; the chief matter was to affect his wife with his plot, and obtain her consent; which he did by often sighing and lamenting his condition, who was blessed with a fortune, but could not tell you how, or to whom to dispose of it; it was his earnest desire, that from her body, that comfort might be raised unto him, and he should esteem it as the fruits of his own loins, whosoever could give her the right contagion. The woman wearied out with such plaints and importunacies, yielded to one single trial. Her Husband had before hired a young lusty fellow to do this drudgery, who was so happy in his experiments, that he made himself a father, and got his Chapman a child. The thing done, he came for his wages, which was ten pounds promised; but the Chapman fell from his word, and would not give him but half, though he had not done his work so. In conclusion, a suit was comme●c'd upon it, and 'twas brought to a Jury, where the supposed Father was cast, and censured to pay what was behind to the true one.  
This next vindication of the possibility, and facility of such fond and unnatural actions in some men, comes from the septentrionicall part of those Saxons. In the times of those wars it fell out, that a proper young Chevalier was taken prisoner, and upon Parole, dismissed to find his ransom. In Eboracum h●quarter'd sometime, where by his civil carriage, and courageous behaviour, he purchased esteem and honour, even in the Garrison of his enemies, who were very industrious to get a change for him, though no allurements could work a change in him to forsake the side he had once engaged for. One of the wealthiest inhabitants did dote upon his person and parts, and grew so enamoured of him, that he did invite him to all liberty of his house: He did not refuse the offer, but was an often guest at his table, but with that caution, reservedness, and circumspection, that the more he frequented the house, the more stranger he appeared: Insomuch that his free and open Landlord wondered at his solemn mode, fearing that his guest might not think his curtefies real, because no greater pleasance and alacrity proceeded from him, at the reception of them. And having watched an opportunity, Dear Renigard (so was this Chevaliers name) saith his entertainer, I hope you have not the least suspicion, that these my respects are feigned, dissembled, or politic, but are such as they seem to be. I have not yet learned to make my Table a snare, or to catch regal Birds, by laying salt upon their tails. The freedom that I give you, is as fubstantiall as it is open. I account myself happy in the placing them on so meriting a Person; let me not be unfortunate in this only, that you cannot think so. Or prithee tell me, is there any thing wanting, that other places perchance afford you, & being the stronger recreation, withdraws your liking from our defective entertainments? I know (be not afraid to confess) that such complexions are not only recreated with Feasts, Wine and Music, but naturally incline to a Lais, or a Corinna, as the Compliment of all joviallity and freedom. Renigard smiled at his prophetic queries, and told him, not without a blush, that he had not for a long time been acquainted with an Utile ad purgandos Renes. Why law you now, said he, you would conceal this that would make a horse melancholy; now I can give you through cheer. To morrow night (Dear Renigard) you must sup with me, and vouchsafe to take a hard bed too. It shall go hard (friend) if your second course like you not better than the first; and so I leave you this night, that I may make you worthy entertainment for the next. Both departed very highly exalted; Renigard wishing it a Barnabies Night, or such as jupiter had with Alcmene, that this and that following were come together. His Landlord (careful providore) omitted no cure to compass all that might delight, and having effected that, which he counted most difficult, he went the cheerfuller about the culinary part. The next day ended to both their joys, and Renigard repaired to his entertainments, wondering where his living banquet would be procured. A supper was provided fit for such appertenancies, and every dish had sauce of a most stirring Nature; Insomuch, that Renigard had great conflicts with his flesh and the provisions. His Landlord supplied him with fresh provocatives, saying ever and anon, sine Cerere & Baccho friget Venus.  
Ha quoth Renigard, Bacchus and Ceres are in abundance here, but where's your Venus? within a stones cast, said the Landlord, leave you that to me; the Lady of the Table wondered at these loose discourses, but replied nothing, having charge from her Husband, to give no place for fear of discontent from her. Wherefore in a glass of wine, she gratified Renigard's mirth, and was now assured of his acceptance of her entertainments, by his cheerfulness and merry discourse. My Landlord and he had mutual froliques at the Table, and charged on the other very home, until the decaying lights admonished them of the night, and forthwith he was conducted to his Chamber, a very well furnished room, where sorts of delicacies were on a Cupboard in dish-glasses, offering themselves to his taste or refusal. His entertainer took solemn leave of him, wishing him the pleasures of the night, and so departed, only saying in his ear, I have not forgot thee Renigard, be confident I have not, and then withdrew.  
A thousand thoughts and fears surprised our Chevalier, he casts in his mind, what the reason should be that he knew not more circumstantially and punctually of the person or the time he should expect.  After such various and delightful food Soft sleep might come, and that would be as good. 
Why might he not suborn a common Strumpet, in place of a bedfellow? who would give the reward of such unjustifiable pleasures? yet he recomforted himself, calling to mind that the artifice was all his friends, unto which he had scarce concurred, but in a smile or shrug: Surely the laws of Hospitality would prevail with him, not to mischief him he received into his bosom with such strong signs and demonstrations of sincerity. In these varieties of disturbances, he thought the bed would best compose him, and either remove 'em by the promised satisfaction, or allay the● by a succeeding rest; laid he was, and betwixt the confines of sleep and waking, when his Chamber door gave a gentle creak, such as confessed the opener sorry for the noise it made, and instantly a stately Lady in her night-dresse, made ●ome frivolous stay about the Cupboard, entertaining herself with a large glass, and after in some other parts of the Chamber, as if she had looked for somewhat left there. Renigard peeped through the Curtains, and to his grief, spied it was the Lady of the house, wherefore counterfeiting a great snore he gave, by his loud Music evidenced that he was now fast, and was not in case to be loose; she not able to endure his drone● le●t the Chamber, and Renigard more perplexed then ever; for now he doth strongly fancy, that it was all a plo● upon him, a catch and ●nare. But he had not been long in these distractions, when Noble Festus came in, and rebuked him shrewdly for his coldness, dulness, and heaviness, telling him that Cupid does not sleep though he be blind, unless pillowed on his mother's breast; come (saith he) arise and follow me. In that amazement he was obedient, and resolved to go, though he knew not whither, desiring his Landlord that he might carry his weapon with him, (not without it for the world said the other) than he ushered him into a closer Chamber, and more private, and bid him enter the sheets, they were warmed sartagine viuâ, and if he took cold, it would be his own fault.  
Renigard laid, his Landlord left him to the sweets of the night, and hoped (he told him) that the change of his lodging would not displease him, and so removed. He found in a short space, that his Landlord was in earnest, and that the Lady came into his chamber for the purposes presumed, and forthwith to be put in execution. Small Courtship passed betwixt them now, the Castle being surrendered before capitulation, only Renigard embracing her very amorously, begged her pardon, if he made bold a while with his Landlord's Quarters: And she to excuse her frailty, answered, you could not (worthy Sir) have ingress or egress here, without my Husband's permission. Renigard knowing volenti non fit injuria, and having two to please, spent no more time in words. In the early morning his Landlord came again, and with great sigre, of inward contentment reattended him to his first Chamber, (as fond of him as he was of his wife.) Thus Mr Curate, you perceive that these tame tempers are in the world, & every place yields not such obdurate hearts, that desire to engross and enclose their delights. Community (even in that particular) is allowed by many, who rancking themselves with Beasts in their sensual appetite, applaud the liberty of Animals, and without any Veniam petimus que damus que vicissim,  
Account it natural, congenial, and proper to their constitutions to run in common, and to lay no stricter obligations on their wives, than themselves. Singular was the answer of that Gentleman, who being questioned what store of Mistresses he had; the Pamphilus returned this reply, more than a Town- Bull, a Cock, a Boar, or a Horse: An excellent two-legged Stallion. Short of these are those soft dispositions, who have rested contented after the known violation of their beds, and jealous-headed, have not found out the praevarications of their spouses, until some four years practise in disloyalty; this is patience perforce, and not so punctual, and ad Rem, as in the next Story shall be evidenced unto you (Mr Curate) wherein spleen and choler have the predominancy, yet working the same effects, as indiscretion did in others.  
A Clarissimo of Venice; (a dignity not inferior to that of the Roman Patricii) lived in a port and fashion above any of the place, being a man of vast revenues; and had in addition to all his other blessings, a Lady of incomparable beauty and chastity, in so high a degree, that though it be natural to the soil, the Clarissimo was not jealous, nor used those customary restraints on his wife, that others did, exposing her to public view, and privileging her with the liberty of entertaining his friends or her own, (as oft as they were called) in person, unveiled and unsuspected, so that they were counted them iracle of Venice, she for her transcendent beauty, and the old Noble man for his indulgencies and permissions. Her irreprovable demeanour, and disposition to please him, gave him great cause to suspect and grieve, that the default was on his part chiefly, why that fair Copy was not taken out, that Lucina was never yet called upon for help, and that no lovely pledges played about his Hall. On the other side the Lady (ever honoured for ignorance; like that innocent soul, which was joined to a Husband of a most impure and noisome breath, never feigned any dislike at it, imagining all men had smelled alike.) The Lady I say knew not, but she was as well served as Niobe. But the old Signior was resolved, since he had deprived her of her Virgin honour, to recompense her with the reverence and dignity of a mother. But how to effect it, was res ardua; how should he with hopes of any success, communicate so foul a design to her chaste ears, with whom, even lawful delights were not admitted without a blush, and some modest averseness? Doubtful, and beyond measure troubled, his rest failed him his countenance changed, his sprightful pleasance and galliardnesse abated, which so deeply affected his pious consort, that in sympathy she refused all those contentments, whereof her Lord could not partake.  
The Lady innocent, and assured that no cause was given by her, deported herself in silence, not presuming to inquire whence these alterations did arise, but applying comfortable cordials, and what ever would cherish and restore his strength, left the disquisition of the reason, until his own time should discover it; such struggling pa●sions cannot long keep within the womb that bred them, like imprisoned winds, they will endure no forcible confinement, but make their way through those concaves and dens, though with the ruin of their detainers, and an Earthquake to the places adjacent. Wherefore what he had long deliberated, he is resolved now to put in action; and the chief obstacle being his wife's inflexibility to such persuasions, it was most necessary to accost her first, without whose consent all the rest of the project would come to nothing. Sitting together, as their custom was, after dinner, and at that time free from strangers, he took her by the hand, and with looks full of high de●ire, said thus:  
Life of this little that's left me, better part of my be●t part, soul of my soul, elixir of my fainting spirits, bright Sunbeam, repairer and incitresse of my decaying heat: How happy am I in thee? how above merit? what felicity can be added more unto me, only one, that thou mightst enjoy a reciprocal return of joy and happiness from me? But then playing with his hairs, said, how can this be? unless these silver harres were turned to gold. Is there no Chemistry can work this change? The common Baths will alter argent metal into Or: Methinks in time a man may be made capable of such transfiguration. For thy sake (Love) I wish it; it grieves me for thee, who lying by so dull and unprofitable a lump, contractedst nothing but deadness and disease●, and, I shame to speak, barrenness, the mockery of thy sex, that which women had rather not be, then live withal. If I had met thee in parity of years, our Gallery had been enriched with the sweet Imagery of our own loins. Thou mightst have read the History of thyself multiplied, to the visiting friends; now thou lookest for issue from a charnell-house, enduring the cruelest torment, instead of satisfaction, that can be devised, a dead Corpse to be joined to thy sprightful and lively person. Abandon me for ever (Deer) if I labour not that divorce, or suffer any longer so monstrous a conjunction. I perceive thou art so innocent, thou knowest not what this means, nor whither my wild fancy carries me. Obedience hath been hitherto thy excellency, obedience to a frigid plant, a shaking Aspen leaf, a dog's nose. Yet be thou still obedient, and what I now entreat thee, put in execution; I have decreed thou go to Church to morrow to St Marks in all the bravery thou canst adorn thyself, though truly thou deckest it, show thyself such, as the dazzled Auditors may lose their eyes in thee; and since Ladies come thither to be seen as well to behold, it shall be by the addition of this sparkling Diamond, thou shalt be only looked upon. And therewithal he gave her a most radiant stone; amongst that captive company, let thy eye single out one, whom if I like for quality, as well as thou for personablesse and ingenuous favour, I may, if we continue issueless, adopt into my Family. Of this fail not, as thou wouldst perpetuate the life and name of him, thou never yet in the least circumstance didst offend. Euphema, so was this accomplished Lady called, made no scrupulous demurs to her Lords desires; and since the business was to be transacted in the Church, she was confident the sanctity of the place, beside the holy exercises, would guard her from any undecent gestures, thoughts, or carriages. Moreover she knew herself a Temple, into which no profane thoughts had ever entered unresisted, and unreplied; nor did she (and rightly too) account those thoughts her own, which she forthwith was in Arms against, and summoned all the spiritual Posse of her soul, to expel as invaders and deadly enemies to its happiness and pious tranquillity. Violent intrusions upon devout and sacred minds, are Diabolical suggestions, and such as Crown the vanquishers with honour upon earth, and immortality and glory afterward.  
The day came, when decked like the Altar, she went to the Church with an humility and reverence due to the place, with eyes fastened unto the earth, she knew she came from, and was to return to, then advancing to her seat, private short devotions ended, she joined into the public worship, which being begun, raised a condemning, but selfe-absolving blush into her cheeks, that she had lost any part of the Oraizons, staying for the other pin, or hanging on her watch. About the middle of the Anthem, she remembered her Husband's injunction, who all the while had riveted his eyes to hers (not till then removed from the Psalter, unless to Heaven; when her exalted affections moved by holy impulses, and efficacy of the matter, lifted them up to the Author from whence they came.) Not Shafalus durst pursue the destined object with such certainty, as his eye her motions; And perceiving her twice or thrice to fix upon one person, it was sufficient to confirm him, that Padri Casimire, who read the Mass was the man; nor did she upon her Lord's inquiry deny, but tha● he was the only object of her eye, all the service while, wisely concealing the reason of her intentiveness on him, whom she knew a man of great devotion, Religious without ostentation, and of an extraordinary strict life, and customary charity to the poor, strangers and prisoners. If her Husband meant well in this eye-service, the good Father would encourage him in it, but if he had any evil, sinister designs, such was the gravity of his person, integrity, and known austerity against any wicked practices, that reprehensions and admonitions, and upon an obstinate preserverance, canonical charge would follow; so that secure of her mark, she rejoiced greatly that no other object had diverted her eye. Impotentio, that was the old Clarissimo's name, the next day dispatches a loving letter to Casimire, requesting him to honour his house, and therein intimates, that he desired to confer with him, about some scruples, which did a little disturb the quiet of his mind.  
Nothing was more affable and willing, nothing more able in all manner of knowledge, but especially in practical Divinity, and cases of Conscience; so that the courteous invitation wrought not so powerfully on him, as his own propensity and readiness to give those helps and satisfactions to any, that were desirous of them, which by his function he was engaged to, and by his great knowledge and experience he was enabled for. Euphema had been four years joined to Impotentio and Casimire was the Priest that knit their hands, which caused Euphema to bestow more than ordinary reverence on him, in respect of the mystical tie where in she was bound, and according to the Tenet of the Church, accounting Marriage for a Sacrament, did not conceit so rudely and uncivilly of her conjunction, as if it were no more than saying, I jone, etc. Looking upon the estate, wherein she was now placed, and that from whence she came, she could find it but a remove from chastity to chastity, from Virginal and continual abstinence, to a moderated and restrained indulgency of permitted pleasures. And though her Husband was a sufficient bar to excessive dallyances, (yet knowing no other, then that it was so with every man) she laboured to lessen his rare and seldom fruitions, by subduing her own flesh rather than his. This day in honour to her spiritual Father, was an extraordinary Feast provided, and about the season of the day Casimire came, and was entertained by both of them, with respect, affability, and cheerful looks, worthy of his person, parts, and function. And in dinner time he took occasion to bless himself, and them too, who were so conspicuous for their mutual loves, that he received no small respect among the People, because by him they were united, who attributed much of the blessings and happiness of their lives to the consecrated hands, and effectual and intentive prayers, which flowed from him at that solemnity. A matter little set by in other places, who care not whether their Priests lips preserve knowledge, or their hands confer a blessing.  
Dinner ended, and some competent time spent after in Table-discourses, Padri Casimire and Signior Impotentio went together into a large Gallery, where the Merchant pulling from his breast a paper desired his Fatherhood to read those heads of his troubles and discontents. Which being twice or thrice perused by Casimire, at last with a great sigh, taking Impotentio by the hand, (Sir said he) and are my strongly conceived hopes dashed so suddenly? know you what these papers contain? even a divorce to all your joys on earth. You desire to know first, whether it be lawful for the conservation of your name (an evident impediment being on your side) to find a supply, and Proxy of your own election, who shall be Loco Patris to the wife by making her a mother. It is as just a reason, as if a Thief for the preservation of his wife and family, should provide himself of the next house he could break open, or the next man he could rob. The conservation of your species, and endeavour of continuing your name and nature upon earth, are very justifiable, and warrantable actions founded in Nature, and without which Res erit unius aetatis populus virorum.  
One age would be the period of mankind; wherefore they were not to be discommended, who under pretence of Equestrian sports, made a prey of all the Virgins that came to the sight, satisfying for the present rape with an after-marriage. Their dearth of women at home enforcing them to provide in time from their neighbours, lest their Nation should end in themselves for want of posterity: Yet none of these usurped the beds of such as were married amongst them, or thought it lawful to abuse those Husbands who were not blessed with issue. Much less doth any History afford men of so stupid and low souls, who would prostitute their wives to any other, and that they might be supposed Fathers, be known Wittols to themselves, and panders to their own beds.  
It is not with women as trees, there you may inoculate, and set strange grafts, not so on them without spoiling the stick, and unbarking that body, which is vitiated and corrupted by the approach of outward air, and for want of the genuine covering and natural security it was placed in. The more generous of sensible creatures, permit not variableness in their mates, but punish their delinquencies with death, and the assaulter too, or else die themselves in the revenge, abhorring so tame and degenerate a compliance, as to look on, or enjoin it. The men of Primitive times, or the Golden Age (as they called it) in case of their defects, took to themselves Concubines, and obtained from them, those comforts which they would rather have had from their legitimate consorts. But these men multiplied themselves, they did not hire journeymen to do their work for them, nor rejoice in a Changeling, as it were a child. But to all this you answer, that the impotency and fault being on your own side, your are bound in Conscience to recompense the wife's patience and defraudings with something answerable to her expectation. If you were (Signior) frigidus antè nuptias, than you should not have adventured upon Marriage, it being nullitas fundementalis, and a just cause why your wife should require her dowry back. Or is it any fascination or Witchcraft, whereby you are frigidus quoad hanc? then you must use holy means, and the assistance of devout persons and prayers to disenchant you; the Church in such cases hath not lost the power of Exorcism. But the remedy you seek, is worse than the disease, to give your wife to the Devil Body and Soul, because a part of yours is impedited by his ministers. Or if your frigidity be from the Winter of your age, you know, warm clothes, fires, and good Cordials, make us insensible of sharp weather, and these natural failings of your year●, may be happily repaired by lawful helps, strengthening juices, fomentations, baths, and the like, and what you think impossible (as from your dry stock) being watered, opened at root and lopped, and all seasonable care taken, may bloom and bring forth fruit without inoculating.  
But supposing, not granting the difficulty of restoring what is decayed, will your like an overladen Tree, be propped up with a fork? know you not the barren bed is better than a quiver full of ill-headed Arrows. Will you to please the Europa, Metamorphoze yourself into a Bull, a very Centaur, half man, half beast? Such a Monster is he made, whosoever voluntarily, or involuntarily, hath lost the propriety in his wife. But a resignation is most unmanly and impious. How can two indispensable vows and bonds be by consent broken, unless one may consent to do what he hath articled never to do? how can you permit your wife to be a Whore, (unless you misplace or misunderstood the words, for better for worse?) Again, would you give another leave to call you what you make yourself, or your wife by that title which you have imposed upon her; or (if your spurious design prosper not) would you try the Piatza over, and make yourself Notissima Fabula mundo. You have vowed to be hers, she likewise to be yours, and what shall be borne of her, to be both yours and hers. A stranger intervening, breaks all these engagements; you plainly with a de jure cedere, cutting off your own entail as to your progeny, and dispossessing yourself of tenancy for life. The wife is made juris alieni, and the children (which of all our goods we account most our own) juris publici. Bastards are the Commonwealths children, and therefore theirs, because nor Father nor Mother would own them, but exposed them to the public charity: And will a man of your discretion, a Senator and public Father, privilege that at home, which you would severely punish in such incontinent persons abroad. Impotentio was very much disturbed with these rebukes and reasons: (but yet not dissuaded) which change of looks Casimire taking for a remorse, and outward sign of inward compunction, did not farther nettle him; but said, the conviction of your forehead puts me in hopes of the conversion of your heart, which I hope is altered by this discourse from your first intentions. A blessing on the cure; and so giving him his benediction, the good Father departed full of hopes and joy for his new convert.  
Impotentio waited on him, fearing his wife might be inquisitive to learn some what of him; but the good Father knew that such discoveries, though not in confession, were of dangerous consequence if revealed, and therefore with a look as cheerful as when he came first, having given a Benediction to his daughter, (freed from suspicion by his plausible countenance) he repaired to his Covent. Impotentio champt upon this bit of Casimires a day or two, but with like success, as Mules and Horses, who are embossed, foam and chafe the more. He remembered Quod val●è cupiunt senes, meminerint benè.  
That he had often commerced with a Merchant of Angli-terra, a Gentleman youthful, handsome and ingenious, in very high credit on the Piatza, and on whom the Clarissimo's many of them cast an eye of more than ordinary regard, and often called him to their Tables. The gentleman was a single man, and very rich, so that Impotentio promised to himself success, if his vigilant wife were not impregnable, nor to be surprised. The next Exchange, his fortune was to meet him, and having saluted each the other, the Clarissimo desired him, to honour his house that day with his company at meal. Sanguine Vernal, such was the Merchant's name, intimating his unworthiness of so high respect, said, he should hereafter endeavour to make himself capable, and for the present he would be indebted for the entertainment. Our Merchant was not acquainted with the Venetian humour, & therefore summoned up all his cautionary rules, circumstances and counsels, which either his friends, or his own observations had enriched him withal, and having heard very much of the fame of the old Signior's Lady, her beauties and accomplishments, he resolved to double arm himself, and set a watch upon his eye and tongue, for there was subject enough for either to be luxurious on. From the Piatza they went off together to Impotentio's house, which was one of the stateliest buildings of the City, a Receipt for a Prince, but that it entertained a Goddess; for Euphema coming into the dining Room, so transported our Merchant with her lustre, that he knew not presently, whether he should salute or worship.  
But presently restored by the melting Coral of her lip, he sat down with civil confidence, inwardly admiring the several confluences of graces, that his eye beheld, and could no where, but there behold. At dinner he durst not let his eye beguile his mouth, nor wander on the women's side, which made him eat like a Mad man, not minding what he took, nor how it went down, and Euphema (as she was an excellent dissecter of the Creature) carving to him some special fowl, the puzzled wight gave her his used plate instead of the servant. The Clarissimo gave him the boon cheer in a lusty glass of Wine, which being by one of the Gentlemen presented to him, it was his wish, the glass had been the spire of a Steeple, and as narrow as a pin-case; for all that while he might have viewed, unsuspected, the Face which had set his heart on fire, not to be quenched by such a glass, though it had been filled with Alpine water. Wherefore imputing the slowness of his draught to the goodness of the Wine, which was to be drank with no hasty, but with deliberate palate, he said, Signior, other Clarissimo's drink Wine, but you Nectar, and a Philoxenus' neck were not an ill wish to him, who would take a right Gustow of it. And craving another glass, he presented health and happiness to the Lady of the place. The Table's removed, Clarissimo and Vernal retired into a very fair Garden, and a little behind that, they entered a grove of Trees, and delicate walks every where betwixt 'um. The Trees were so placed, that their Arms shot into one another, and were so closely interwoven, that the vernant and aestival Sun beams could not pierce their rare imbroydery. In this secret of the house, Clarissimo will now disclose his intentions. Such designs as these were Lucifugous, and would not endure the face of Heaven, wherefore opportunity and place adding courage to his purposes, apprehending Sanguines hand, he thus accosted him, who wondered with himself, what would be the end of so courteous beginnings, but Caesar-like accounting his fortunes in himself, he said, Sanguine, fear not: when Impotentio gravely and resolutely confessed; it is not the custom of this place, (friend Vernal) much less of men of my Port to afford strangers such liberty, as you this day have found. But your lovely person and candid disposition had before so wrought upon me, that this freedom (to our nice and staunch Gentry indeed, a great matter) is the meanest and least privilege which I invest you with; having resolved to entertain you into my very bosom: But before you hear any further of my Noble intentions, swear unto me by all that hath a tie upon your soul, and which invoked, you count it Religion to violate, that you will not in the least scruple reveal it either by signs, writing or talk, no not (if we are both of an opinion) to the Priest. Sanguine called to mind the Venetian absolution after renunciation of the faith, and with these ensuing cautions to be praemitted, he promised secrecy and assistance. Signior, said he, if so be the secret be not against the present State, which I have promised during the time of my abode to be true to, nor my own Country, whose weal I have sacramentally vowed, nor any thing against yourself, whom by the Laws of hospitality, I am commanded to secure; 'tis ratified, and confirmed, and upon my oath of secrecy (in attestation whereof I kiss your hand) no screws, arts, racks nor allurements of any sex, shall be able to disclose what you have locked up into my breast. No, Sanguine, against none of these can you offend, nay two of them you shall abundantly oblige, that is (said Impotentio) the Commonwealth of Venice and myself; both which at once you shall gratify, at once make Venice happy in a Public son, and your old friend with a brave heir. For mark me, (Sanguine) I am childless, (and ever like to be so) unless this stratagem prevent it. My younger Brother like a Vulture, waits for my Carcase: Not a Bell tols but he thinks or wisheth it were mine: His how d' you man comes every day to know how I slept last night, when indeed, his errand is, to inquire whether I had slept my last: He seemingly laments my want of pledges, which if he should see; O the Basilisk! what poisonous vapours would his eyes discharge, more dangerous than a m●nstruous Organ to our purest mirrors? I once desired Euphema to cozen him with some supposititious trick, the very cheat revived me, and sent him home to bed sick of a taffata Embryo. To defraud this rav●●ous expectant of his hopes, and to disherison his malignant issue, is my main design, and I have in a most happy hour, chosen thee (Sanguine) to be my instrument: Proxies are allowed in all Courts, even in our Supreme, the Senate house; Inferior powers are regulated by them, and why not our Domestic? Adoption it is true, in these cases of sterility, hath made up the want, and Emperors have with great contentment created successors, when they could not generate; that common way doth not affect me. I am for the child, which though it be not of my blood, it ought to be, and since my impotency denies that happiness to me, my justice to my bed shall be preserved in a substitute. All things conspire in thee, to effect my wishes, youth, strength, and loveliness. This night Euphema sleeps within thy Arms; do not suspect my promises, this night, Sanguine, I'll reckon as my wedding night, and what hath been these four years due unto Euphema, shall with large interest be satisfied. Be confident I am serious, and let this chain of Pearl confirm thee, until I bring thee to a Jewel of a Price unvaluable. Sir, said our confounded Merchant, my life is in your hands, either by my consent or refusal. If you are only tentative and supplant my frailty, my consent is mortal; if it be true, and that you have designed this stratagem against your brother's offspring, though with the taincture of your own, 'tis death to know so much and not consent. If then on both sides my ruin is certain, let me die on the best choice, for gratifying you in what you wish, and I am sure I am able to perform, then by a sullen negative, call an unprofitable ruin on myself: Impotentio kissed him, desiring his patience, but to while itself in those walks, and he would return with news should joy them both. Sanguine, left alone, fell into these raptures.  
Kindle you summoned Spirits, and unite  
Your scattered Atoms, in this amorous fight:  
More Innocent than those of hers, whose Troy  
Was made a Bonfire by her Firebrand boy.  
But such an influence dart, that every eye  
May swear the Boy's o'th' Flavian Family,  
And borne for Empire; for the times to come,  
Will judge the mother to have been at Rome.  
Then looking (on his chain of Pearl, saith,  
A way fond Merchandise, I will no more  
Worship the East, and the rich Coast adore,  
Adventure men, and lives at costly rates;  
Euphema's are more safe, and gainful straits.  
Shoot this Venetian Gulf, and say be rich,  
Sanguine, above a Miser's covetous itch!  
He that ●y such rare copeage Mounts, is sure  
To break his neck, or live for e'er secure.  
Not she so rich, whom trucking Jove of old  
Bought by conversion of himself to Gold:  
Could I descend like him in a bright Flame,  
In harmless fires I'd warm this Virgin Dame.  
Was ever man so fortunate as I,  
To be enchained thus to felicity?  
Mother of Pearl, and Pearl, methinks we float,  
Like Venus and Adonis in her boat  
Of glittering shells: Euphema is alone,  
(Daughter of Pirra) still the richest stone.  
By this time Impotentio is returned, who having fully acquainted his wife with his unnatural desires, and the suddenness of the performance, thought she durst not trifle with his fury, or at leastwise would be unable to frustrate the young▪ Merchants importunity. Euphema gave him no answer at all, but stupefied with the senselessness of his device, rested silent, and amazed. He left her mixing threats with entreaties, and gave her some small time to consider in a back Chamber next to her Bedchamber, which he vowed was to be her Deathbed, if she refused. In this great conflict was the disconsolate Lady full of fears and tears, and amidst those passions, she thus disputed with herself: 
What are my Crimes, just Heavens? or wherein  
Have I given cause to my wild Husband's sin?  
Have I in thought abused his bed, or e'er  
Admitted Lust, but kept this Conclave clear,  
Unravel me ye Powers; and let him see  
The Residentials Court of Chastity.  
A heart as pure, as when in sacrifice,  
The pleasing incense calmed the Deities:  
From thence as from an Altar of pure snow,  
Fervent desires for Sacred life did flow.  
He tells me he is Impotent and cold,  
What difference? he is, I will be old.  
His youthful days are past, wished back again,  
And mine are bridled, governed by a rain;  
His fire is out, and mine is well suppressed,  
Prayers and tears will quench a smoking nest.  
He hath no power to act, I have no mind;  
A fitter match where could an old man find?  
He grieves my wants of due benevolence,  
When it is asked, then let him take offence.  
These two years' day, (I'll put it to my sins)  
If e'er I did solicit at his shins.  
I never went to Church, (some do they say)  
To get them servants, rather than to pray,  
Nor to my confessor could ever tell,  
(And I told all) this day I did not well;  
Unless it were Omission, when the time  
Shortened my duty, and was part o'th' crime.  
I came absolved from him; good man he●'d weep,  
And wish his soul with mine did commerce keep.  
If it be from above, my soul to try,  
And be assured of my constancy,  
Then give supplies, Thou that hast made me chaste,  
Nor let fowl Batteries my firmness waste;  
Let no insultings force me to a fact,  
Thy Sacred Laws hath made it death to act.  
Shall I for fear of death do that, which done,  
Brings double death, twisted destruction?  
Shall I, to get him glory o'er his Kin,  
Lose mine own honour in a nasty sin?  
Away thou whispering Fiend! what's privacy?  
Shall th' All-seer only this crime not see?  
" Concealed and smothered sins have never end,  
" Shame and deprênsion is a better friend,  
" And wholesome chastisements cut off that vice,  
" To which a hid success doth more entice;  
Propped by those Sacred helps, I now defy  
The worst of humane rage of Policy.  
Ears be you deaf to charms, keep closed chaste Womb,  
Rather than be Lusts Bed, be his Sword's Tomb.   
Alas, alas! her time grew short, and the hour glass was almost run, which is the utmost limit of deliberation; wherefore recollecting all her best spirits, and calling up her Fancy to a sudden assistance, (not knowing what her Husband's fury might provoke him to, upon a peremptory refusal) she wisely contrives to elude him and his Stallion by acquaint devices, hoping in good time to attemper her Husband's mind to more reason and Manhood, and let his Merchant know, that he was not bound for tha● Port. She called unto her instantly a stately Moor, named Fuscilla, which the Clarissimo among other gifts, presented her with on the day of marriage; the Moor could understand no language but her own, yet being as docile as an Elephant, and of as precious Teeth, by often teaching and practising, her Lady had so instructed her, that upon the motion of her fingers, eyes and head, nothing was unperformed, that Euphema commanded. By these signs she took instant notice of her Lady's intentions, and the night-Piece provided to put them with all haste in execution.  
By this time the two transported persons were at the chamber door, which unwillingly opened, as sensible of the ensuing mischief, and abhorring to give quiet entrance to such wicked visitors. Impotentio kept up his cheerful looks, and said, Dearest, thou art still the same Euphema; but yet remember, unto what Planet more than any you are subject; she who rules and predominates over the sex, permits a monthly change, thou only in this one request dost imitate thy Cynthia. Suspect not any shadow of dislike, because of this friendly interposition betwixt us for a while, thou wilt appear more glorious after a small Eclipse. Two Moons shine not at once, nor two Suns, suffer me (best of women) to be in the wain at present, while I leave with thee solemn & hominem.  
Then whispering a short word to Sanguine, said, do you look to make good the promise, and generate another. Her Husband gone, with a majestic look and full of modesty, Euphema fixing her eyes upon him, so awed the Suitor, that if Impotentio had not shut the doors upon 'em, he had Faced about, and never made stand again; But as the Devil would have it, Rats, Cats and Dogs will make head, if they cannot fly any farther, so Sanguine locked in his Armour, charges boldlier: Madam, said he, were not the way made by my loving friend your Husband, many preambles, much Oratory, and a great deal of Courtship were requisite to a work of this nature. Besides, my stint of time abridges all thought of Ceremony and compliment, which I am not wanting in to Ladies of your quality; but what is defective in language, shall be made up in performance, that you shall (I hope to the honour of Angliterr) prove the least Talkers to be the best Doers.  
Wherefore, most succinct Lady, (but otherwise now wished) remember that time is precious, and not to be played withal. Let no scruples seize you, Madam, concerning my ability or wholesomeness; my looks speak me sound, there's no Compurgators like the complexion. Your Curtezan's (unless by name) are unknown to me, nor came I from my own Country, after the chargeable experience of the Bath, Guiacum, or the Tub. I will not make apologies, hoping I shall clear myself (Lady) in your judgement, and to your great satisfaction, and your Husband's joy, when by your own confession he shall know, he did not delegate to his servico one unworthy, or unfit for the deputation. I stand upon my credit with the Clarissimo, to keep my reputation, and with your Ladyship, to beget it. Madam, speed to the trial, wherein, such is the confidence of your new servant, that he shall think himself most happy, in having the beautiful Euphema, Judge, witness, and party in the business. Sir said the Lady, you are in place of my Husband, and your commands are his, give me the civility of withdrawing, and you shall not long be unprovided.    

CHAP. VIII.  
Come see the Don with dismal dreams o'ertaken,  
(Yet in his sleep more valiant, then he's waking)  
Giant 
* A wine vessel made of a hog's skin.  Borachio for Pandafiland  
Falls by his heavy and dead-doing hand.  
This Sancho tells to's Queen Nicomicon,  
But knew not whether's head be off or on.  
Then with a Candle searcheth under's bed,  
And all the bloody Room for the Hogshead:  
But when Borachio's Second understood  
(Mine Host and's Wife) their wine-bags ran this blood;  
The clutch-fist villain scored in black and blue  
On our Don's Face the Arreerages were due;  
And as he gave him, what he wanted, sauce,  
Sleeper, said he, you're sure unto the house.  
The Barber spoiled the Proverb, for soon after  
He waked the sleepy Knight with pail of water:  
Thrown on those parts his halfe-shirt would not cover,  
O'er which a Kite would scorn, in hopes to hover.  
Oh what a deep confusion Sancho's in,  
To find blood, wine, and Gyants-flesh hogs-skin!  
But Don awaked (yet dreaming more than ever)  
Blesseth the sword that did the Giant sever  
Body from head; then makes the Curate Queen  
(Himself, and that, both sights were never seen)  
Once more to bed with him, he's laid, and Fast,  
Or sober rise, great Don, or sleep thy last.  
In this same hush Anselmo's stories read,  
In place of which we Sanguine bring to bed.  

TEXT.  
ARt thou in thy wits Sancho! What a Devil man! how can that be, seeing the Giant lives two thousand leagues off.]  Nunquam quicquam veriùs dixit Licentiatus. 
This truth might be justified without Text, or Quotations. But the most plain truths will not be acknowledged by praepossessed minds. Sancho's head run all Giant, and the Room Giant's blood, and the Giants head was a running head, and made an escape, or else Sancho with the story had presented it to Dorothea.  
By this they heard a marvellous great noise within the Chamber, and the Don cried out aloud, stay Thief, Robber, etc.]  
Hark, jeronymo is at it in his own person.  
Who calls jeronymo from his naked bed?  
Strong fancies, Whimsies, and Imaginations; A Walleyed Giant appears to him, whether with a head, or without a head is very much suspected; but this Apparition, or Phantasm, works such real effects, that he forsakes his bed, takes his sword, and so slashes the doors and walls, that it showed more like a bawdy house than any thing else. So the great jugurth, the night before the battle with the Romans, imagined they had taken th● field, himself unhorsed, and ran out from his Couch, crying: 
A horse, a horse, a Kingdom for a horse;  
Fetch me my brave Getulian horse,  
That stands on end and fights.   
Men of great achievements have great disturbations, their spirits all ascending upward in such crowds, that the vapours▪ and dew of the brain is unable to allay them.  
Alexander, after the murder of Hephestion his trustiest friend, rose often in the night, thinking that he called out for revenge, and could by no means be brought to steep again, until he had drowned his brains in Grecian Wine.  
Achilles was so troubled with the thought of his undipped heel, and the sudden drawing on of the Trojan Battle, that he assayed many nights to fight with both his heels together, which made him ever after splay-footed.  
Hector's unquiet spirit, (whether for want of solemn interting or no is doubtful) kept on this side the Elysian shore, and showed his wounds to many trusty Trojans, but especially to Aen●as, who was ready to fly without his warning of I, fuge nate Deâ, etc.  
Brutus, Cassius, Mark Antony, all these, and Caesar's self before his Assasination, and all active spirits are troubled with the rising in the nights, Mars himself not exempted; for though those Deities are said to be Insomnes, yet after a good rouse, or good dose of Nepenthe, they are in a trance, which is as good to them as our dull rest. For if they were always waking, how could Vulcan so oft have taken Mars at a nap with Venus, that it was once his intention to have made a pair of Fetters, wherein he should have stood, and done penance at his Forge. Nay, one of their Gods is Morpheus, an heavy-headed Numen, who indeed sleeps not all night, but at Cock-crowing he takes his bed, and there nuzzles till Hesperus cramps him by the toes.  
Impute all these obambulations, and night-walkes, to the quick and fiery Atoms which did abound in our Don, as in all his brother Heroes that went before him; And how can it be attributed to any thing else, for it was as visible (as the Nose in the Face) that the Element of Fire did most predominate in him, choler licking up all the rest of the humours, and converting them into itself; his diet below Lescius' would scarce make an excrement, that he might compare with a Mouse for the rarity of it; his parched body, black and withered flesh, and rusty hair, showed that the fire was great within which made such a Chimney-piece. Lastly, His clothes consumed by the fiery evaporations of his body, and nearer his (alter caloris fons) Testicles, no Linen but perished like tinder at the touch, as will be made appear in the next note.  
He was in a shirt which was not long enough before to cover his thighs, and it was six fingers shorter behind.] A Semi-Adamite, but to be dipped in a red sea of good Claret, with Confirmation to ensue; yet though these accoutrements seem so ridiculous to us now, they were in those days the most proper and appointed fashions, and as well liked of as the steeple-crowned hat, piccadillo, Corslet doublet, the Trunk hose, and Codpiece. Umbonically prominent, and significant as a Digitus Mercurialis, these were dresses not disproved by our Fore-mothers'; though if one should now appear so, what twittering and peeping through the Fingers we should have? Well fare the Don, who keeping to the Customs of the old Heroes, will be known by his habits, as well as valour, to be one of them. Hercules' Lions skin (which was the pattern of most of these short robes) came not so low as his knees, and had the same disproportion with the Dons behind. His Oripygium was open to discovery; how was it possible else that the Grecian Dames should call him Melapyges, that is to say in our Mother Tongue, Black-dock, unless they had been peeping under the scantiness of his yellow Coat of victory.  
The Father of their Order, Great Alcides, receiving his death by a whole shirt dipped in the blood of the Centaur Nessus: in detestation of the length of the shirt, and shortening of his days, the Fraternity ever wore half shirts. All heroic persons are pictured in Bases and Buskins, or else stark naked (as the Don in Sierra Morena) to show the immensity of their parts, the bigness of their Muscles, the largeness of their veins, the toughness of their nerves and sinews, which evidently showed, that men of such proportion and natural sufficiencies were purposely framed and intended for the destruction of Monsters, Men, or Beasts, and for the captivating all handsome Ladies, and the relief of all distressed.  
He wreathed on his Arms the Coverlid of the bed.] An usual piece of Armour in times of War betwixt the Giants and the Gods; for the Giants being by the advance of hills (which they heaped together) raised to the middle Region of the Air (which is the coldest) thought Rugs and Blankets the best Armoury, lest they should perish more by encountering the place, than their enemies, and politicly likewise surprised the Magazine and Artillery of the Gods. The Dons greasy nightcap (or rather mine Hosts) was very considerable in a fight of swords, whose edges will yield and turn against pickled murrions, sweat and Ale being the only Muria, that will blunt the blow of any sharp weapon. Featherbeds break Flints, soft and downy beds weaken the strongest bodies.  Dolus, an virtus, quis in host requiret? 
If our Don was so politic in his sleep-Combates, what other stratagems do you think he had waking? Or if he could do so in a half shirt, what mad pranks would he play in a shirt and half?  
The Host, all inflamed with rage, set upon Don Quixot with dry fists, and gave unto him so many blows.] O indignity! dry-baste a Knight-Errant! and double dubb him of the Ill-favoured Face! A Knight Dormant, Ambulant, Combatant! Would no good hand direct our Blindman Buff to forsake the wine bags and tap a fresh Vessel, the hogshead, the Host.  
Poet's will write whole Volumes of this scar. How happily would a well driven blow been placed betwixt his neck and shoulders, who durst lay barbarous hands, (Fists, Golls, Beetles) and leave the slouches impressions upon the express of valour? Thus the sleeping Lion is worried by a Cur. A Jack an Apes doth ride the generous horse! But oh the security of presumed victory! Chevaliers are insensible in a pursuit, and the successful Don drenched in the Giant's blood, and trampling in it, (as the belly of an Ox for the Gout) heeds not cuffs nor boxes of the ear, kicks in Ano, tweaks ad Nasum. But Vino tortus & Irâ,  
Embossed and chafed like a hunted Boar, esteems nothing but spears, two-handed Swords, Pole-axes, Scimitars, Javelins, and the like Engines of just and Noble War; as for buffets at this present, they are like Flea-bite to a Leopard, not felt nor regarded.  
Yet with all this did not the Poor Knight awake, until the Barber brought a Kettle full of cold water from the Well, etc.]  
〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉. Water is good for any thing: It will part dogs, it will make Pottage, and howsoe'er and wheresoe'er the Barber found out this recipe for a dead sleep, it was no dry device, Veritatem è puteo hauriunt tantam, the truth of it is, the very Probatum for a Lethargy, and drawn out of a deep well cures a deep sleep. The Moon was always beholding to the Pleyades, for waking of Endymion. I do believe the Barber learned it of a Mountebank, and 'twas first taught him to awaken drunken customers, who fell asleep in trimming-while, and with the sprinkling of this Frigida, were restored to their senses again, and paid for the nap, as well as the snip. But the circumforaneous Empiric raised his Fame, in using this admirable Element upon any other disease. An honest Farmer in some of the Towns, (where the Inhabitants at their proper costs and charges paid for being cheated every Market day) was a long time vexed with a Priapismus, which is tentigo sine voluptate in instrumento generationis. To this Mountebank he repairs, who having remedies for all diseases, could not be ignorant in this; and having told his tale, O saith he! gravis morbus, acutus, perniciosus; but that you may see that I love your Person more than your Purse, I will presently send home, and prepare a remedy for you, come an hour hence to my house, at the sign of the Cat and Fiddle, and you shall not fail of ease. About the time the patient came, and being brought into a private room, the Mountebank said, (Sir) here is a Bath made with the coolest herbs that can be got in this place, and the most sovereign Spring-water; for in your case, every ordinary water will not serve; therefore be confident, that after half an hours plounsing in this Bathing-tub, you will be eased of your pain. The silly Farmer followed his advice, and the effects proved answerable to his expectation, wherefore well soused and ducked he came forth, the Mountebank demanding of him, how it wrought with him, and whether the tumour were not allayed, and his pain vanished? The fellow answered with chattering teeth, (but not where they did) that it was pacified, and giving him a Fee, departed. The Mountebank could not contain, but acquaints his wife with the simplicity of his new Patient, and his disease, and instructed her, that his servant should prepare the same dose for him every morning; the Mountebank being one day abroad, the Farmer came for his Cure, which his wife then, having opportunity, provided, and changed his cold Bath into a hot, but a very cross Bath to the Mountebank, and a horse-Bath to herself.  
He was preparing double Fees for her, but she said, I am contented, satisfied, and paid, and told him, if this Bath liked him better, he should with convenience use it oftener. But the simple fellow not using to the Bath, so oft as he did before, one day the Mountebank spying him, called him, and smiling, said, well friend, I hope you are perfectly cured now, far better than before, for you put me not into the best Bath which your wife hath, and the virtue of it yet remains, whereas your cold Bath cooled for a day, and the next morning all was as it was before. The Mountebank shaked his ears, (as if he drank base wine) and giving the fellow back his first Fees, and cursing him for his second, desired him silence, and not let any man know, or of the cold or hot Bath.  
He laid himself on his knees before the Curate, and said; well may your greatness, etc.] A just contrary error personae was committed at a play in Bellosite, where the Epilogue was to be addressed to the Emperor, but the ignorant Actor, who was to deliver his speech upon the knee, looked about for the greatest Person among the Auditors, which proved to be the Hostess of the Inn where it was Acted, she was set upon the Table in a great Chair, unto whom with genuflexion, he spoke these lines: 
With bended knees (great Caesar) we  
Address our Epilogue to thee,  
Who hither in great State art come,  
To see the Comedy of Jack Drum.  
Our knees do render thee obeisance,  
For deighning us thy dreadful presence;  
Mayst thou grow greater still, and thrive,  
Till thou art greatest thing alive.  
O let thy loins so fruitful be,  
To sociate all Monarchy;  
And may your next stupendious birth  
Be the Leviathan o'th' earth.   
The Hostess extremely nettled, left her chair of State, and ran after the Epilogue-speaker, and gave him a very great and sound Plaudit about the Ears.  
The Barber, the Curate, and Cardenio, got Don Quixot to bed again, not without much ado, who presently fell asleep.] Three to one is odds, yield stout heart, and think it no shame to be overcome by multitudes, and all of them either Enchanters, or enchanted; the Barber transformed into an Ox backward, (as homo est arbos reversa) so was Tonsor (Bos reversus:) Cardenio a escape Goat, newly transformed into a man again; and the Curate the Enchanter, as will appear very well to all the world, by these verses found in Cyd Hameti Benengeli, and by a Modern Poet translated, whereby the Don was like Circe's Captives, charmed into a sleep, deep as his high thoughts.  

Quixots Philtrum adsomnum, or Lullaby to a Mad man.  
Deep sleep arrest thy troubled soul:  
No Bird of night (enough's one Owl)  
Disturb thy Quiet, Gnat nor Flea,  
Approach this rare spread Canopy;  
Under whose Cobweb Arches lies  
The Knight that fights with fast shut eyes:  
Nor of his valour meaner think;  
Cowards they are that fight and wink.  
Wave thrice thy Wand about his head,  
Morpheus; and it shall be as lead.  
Thy sleepy Tribes attend our Don,  
And charm him like Endymion.  
On this side thousand Dormiçe sleep,  
As many Beetles that side keep;  
Millions of winter Flies fast stick  
Close to his night Cap, as a Tick:  
And lest his Nose should wake the 
* Growt for great, especially now under a swarm of Flies. Ephialtes is the, Nightmare, but he was more troubled  Growt,  
Fasten these Poppies to his snout;  
Tie both his feet together well,  
In this benumbed Torpedo shell:  
And to secure the 
* with his horse by the Night.  Ephialtes,  
Turn him from's back, for there the fault is.  
Anoint his Thighs and Calfelesse Legs  
With oils of foolish Dotterels Eggs.  
Nothing that eats i'th' Night be near,  
Remove lank Rosinant from his ear.  
Cleanse not the Wine-bedaubed room,  
It is a strong Narcotick Fume:  
And that no dreams nor thoughts of fights  
With Giants, Ladies, or their Knights  
Unlock his Fancy or his Tongue,  
Stop up his mouth with soft Mouse dung:  
His head thus closed, (like to an Oven)  
His tongue can't walk, though it were cloven.  
And in his ear (somewhat profuse.)  
Infuse this dull Lethaean juice.  
Which taken from that stupid Lake,  
Will never let this prisoner wake,  
Until this Philtrum backward read,  
Do Un-Gorgonify his head.   
And he desiring to delight them all herein, and recreate himself, did prosecute the tale in this manner.] In this calm, if ever it is possible to complete our parallel story of Anselmo, and as Mr Curate is ready to satisfy his inclinable Auditors with the Lecture of me Curious Impertinent, so it is my endeavour to convince Mr Curates opinion of the impossibility of his well contrived, though suspected narrative, by a simile of an Incurious Malcontent.  
Euphema left Sanguine exalted in his thoughts, above an ordinary transportation; his imagination working beyond the delights of dull fruition: whereby he took the very Pictures in the room for Ladies, and sorry to see them no farther drawn, cursed the scanty Painter, who had not finished them at full length. In an eminent part of the Chamber, was one large piece with a Curtain spread before it, which tempted him to display it; which being rashly unveiled, startled the bold discoverer, so that he stood extatized at that Picture, whose person and substance his soul thirsted for. It was Euphema in her hair, at full proportion, in a blue rich embroidered Mantle, preparing for bed (as the fond Clarissimo, the first night he met her, would have it pourtraicted) in golden letters; on the top of the piece was set Aetatis 16. and in as rich Characters underneath, red similem si possis. The lively appearance operates so strongly on our Merchant, that he broke into many wild conceits, and amongst them these are remembered.  
Which is Euphema? or Euphema gone?  
Or this i'th' frame? or are you both but one?  
Speak, and thou art the Antitype; if she  
Is silent, she must needs the Picture be.  
Descend fair piece, or let me climb; I'll do't,  
He that won't climb the tree, deserves no fruit.  
Prosper me Venus, as the Mantle falls  
Double away: These are sufficient calls.  

* L●quere, ut i● videa●; si vox possit esse perspi●ex Oculi 〈◊〉 vocales.  Look if her eyes don't speak! what doth it say?  
Trifle no longer (Sanguine) come away.  
O coward Heart! how basely wilt thou faint,  
To draw near her, who tremblest at her Paint?  
Go hang together, Pictures both; may I  
Have not such life, as the rare Imagery.  
The purple blood in Azure channel glides,  
That you may see the Harveian ebbs and tides.  
I am a piece of Arras, only fit  
To be discoursed on, where the Lady fits,  
And to make ugly legs, as you may see,  
The cringing wights in mouldy Tapestry.  
In these ●dumps, exaltations, falls and rises, a Sonnet did relieve him, contrived by Impotentio, who like a Swan before the death of his departing honour, sung sweetly these lines, which by the sudden rushing open of Euphema's Chamber door, was clearly heard and understood by Sanguine.  

A Sonnet.  
Come to thy Dan●e, come,  
The treasure of this Room;  
Care for no showers of pelf,  
Only shower down thyself.  
Come, my Alcmene waits,  
Wrought by my subtle baits:  
And both expect thy loves  
As fortunate as Jove's.  
Crown me but Father then,  
And who so proud of men  
As I? who joyful know,  
I am Amphitruo.   
Sanguine was singularly well pleased with the excellency of the Tune, but more really heightened with the matter of the ditty, which assured him of the near approach of his desires; and forthwith a gentleman lighted him into a Chamber of much rich furniture, and in it a stately bed, and not far from that place a side-Table rich, and decked like an Altar, he followed his courteous conduct, who opened one of the Curtains of the bed, where he discovered his Euphema lay. The convoy presently departed, leaving him to his privacy, with a Virgin-waxe-light, in a golden Candlestick, supported by a brace of Cupids. Every thing was admirable, but the Venetian Paradise, which he was strait to enter, would not permit him to fix upon any subject but its own self; wherefore with Pigeon speed he flew into his Venus, whom he found laid averse, and with her face from him. To whom he softly, said, Madam, 'tis improper now to be coy, and therewithal he insinuated his warm hands into her Bosom, which was as soft as silk, or the choice Down of Swans, and with all gentleness turned her about, her face being covered with double Tissues, he coveted to behold, and labouring to unveil her, Madam (said he) these Chrisomes removed, your sweet innocency will appear more singular and ravishing; whereat Fuseilla in a language as hard as her favour, screemed out; Haw Taxpo I●●ysavoy?  
Which in the Ancient Egyptian Characters signifies, what a Pox aile● you? But he bustling still to unscreen her fully, she then shrieked out, crying, O veldi voy Thy wog. Which amounts to in the Primitive Welsh, the Devil go with you. Her prayer was heard, for he no sooner saw the face, but he leaped from the bed, as if the Devil had driven him, repeating a short piece of new Litany. 
Sancti, Sancti omnes, liberate me  
A Plutonis horrendâ conjuge.   
After him the night-piece ran, made more terrible by her gay and precious outside▪ the strange gogling and moving her eyes, shaking her extuberant and reversed lips, gnashing her Ivory Teeth, the menacing and clutching her sooty fists, did so affright and terrify the poor naked gentleman, that he wished himself transformed into any thing, but of a Hog, for fear of being possessed. These Clamours brought back Impotentio, jealous that his design was interrupted by some scurvy accident or other, and entering into a Patrician nightgown, and rich waistcoat, with his sword in one hand, and in the other a Pistol primed, finding Sanguine in a distraction, and the cause of it at his heels, apprehending the delusion, Osperma Diabli, are you an Actor with your Westphalia Armour, I'll try if it be proof (said he) and immediately discharged a Pistol at her, which lighting on her shoulder plate, bruised and wounded the poor Moor, that she roared out so hideously, as if she were going to her winter quarters, and falling to the ground, with her hand pointed up to Heaven, and then down to the Earth, intimated that the Powers above would send 'em both to answer it below.  
Euphemae hearing the Pistol go off, came into the room in her Night-dresse, and a black Velvet Mantle over her, with a Book in her hand, but beholding the sad mishap of her bleeding servant, she ran in to her succour. Impotentio was directing his Rapier unto her Breast, when Sanguine (until then melancholy) interposed himself betwixt her and the imminent danger, beseeching the Clarissimo to abandon such a mischief, which though it happily befell that Hell-Cat, yet this act would never be forgiven above, or find pardon amongst men. But Impotentio raging with revenge, and with eyes and hands, menacing, that what was now intercepted, should not long be deferred, spurning at her, with language sharper than his Rapier's point, and more wounding; said, Whore! have you used me thus? She turned her head about from the Negro, and only replied; my Lord, that word is not yet my due, and I have done all this that it may never be, and that your name may not be read in the vain Register of easy natured men, or mine amongst that of over-kinde Ladies. Then turning on her. knees to Sanguine, said, Sir, you that have been so Noble as to save my life by a hazardous interposition of your person, proceed to higher virtue, and save, protect, and vindicate that, which unto me is dearer, (and aught to be so to every generous soul) a fame unspotted, a chaste Breast, and the honour of a yet undefiled bed. Here are but two of you, and three Thiefs and Murderers. My Husband (and then she wept abundantly, will posterity believe it of a Husband?) seeks to kill me for that he should wish me a thousand lives: And both of you, (the worst of Robbers) have conspired to deprive me of a Jewel the Heavens bestowed on me, and I have vowed to keep. Have you not read (Sir) turning to her Husband, you may not kill? Look on this fainting Maid, whose intentions to preserve chastity, argues her soul not of the same hue with her course outside, and proves you foul within, and the worse Negro.  
Have you not read, young Gentleman, (sure did you go further than the sixth Commandment) a prohibition against this very sin? will you turn journeyman to the Devil? take heed: She would have said more, but Impotentio heated with rage, (unhand me friend I pray you but a moment) and with looks full of Italian malice, said, are you preaching Mistress Knipper-Dolin? yet hear me, and obey me too, or take this Gentleman, or death: Then looking toward the bed, nodded, and said, that or the grave, and so biting his thumbs, a sign of fixed and determined cruelty, he left her, calling for a servant to draw off the Moor, and convey her to a lodging, where for want of timely dressing, she almost expired. All but Sanguine and Euphema were removed, who took her gently from her knees, weeping, and imploring Heaven for protection. In pure desire Lady of saving Christian blood (for Pagan is already split) I prosecute (said he) your Husbands will.  
Be not, O be not your selfe-Murderer,  
In your refusal life and honour's lost:  
Think you your Husband will preserve your Fame?  
Who would not spare your life? will he not say  
To vindicate himself, you did that thing,  
Which you abhorred life for? so kills you twice,  
For not doing that, which done, you'● sure to live.  
Who shall, who can reveal your forced compliance?  
Whom do you wrong? your Husband is most willing;  
How many do the same without consent?  
Only for itch of change, for no good end,  
As this of yours; yours is another case,  
To prosecute the end of Marriage,  
Barred in your Husbands confessed impotence;  
If I should fail, ten thousand sins are in't.  
But Lady be as sure of that success,  
As if you felt the glorious Embryon swell  
In your increased Orb.— Those are no Whores,  
Whose Husbands hire supplies, and hold the doors.  
Euphema hearing his blasphemies, and Hellborn Rhetoric, fell again on her knees, and desired his pardon, that she had given him leave to suspect her Faith and chastity, by giving ear to his loose and impious discourse; then calling Heaven to witness, and assist her constancy, she drew from that part, where her busk was used to be placed, a Poniard, and turning the point upon herself, she spoke these, as she thought her last lines: 
That in my soul I may ned die Negro-like,  
When I command thee, trusty Poniard strike.  
And tremble not pure han●s; your cure is good,  
To let, before it be corrupted, blood:  
How oft have I you two, to Heaven uplift,  
That thither you lift me's my only drift.  
Open the way, that my imprisoned soul,  
Return as it came thence, a spotless scroll.  
I gave you once into another's power,  
Now I resume you to my own devoyr.  
As nature made me my defence and Guard,  
Giving one blow, a hundred worse you ward.  
Commanded men their Captain must obey;  
Then strike, the word is given: Euphema slay.   
At which words Sanguine was bloodless, and kneeling to her, said, Madam, if you persist in this desperate resolution, I will not live a minute after you, and will die by the same Poniard, mixing at least, our bloods thus, which might have been done another way to more content on both sides. Then with eyes full of Majestic horror, and lovely desperateness, she said, I have a word or two to speak, and then farewell.  
I guess you are a single man, whose sports  
Are, the base boasted vanquishing those Forts  
That yield to your assaults; those that repel  
Your lustful storms, belied, you take as well;  
So that all Lady's Credits you abuse,  
The honest by your slander, those you use  
After, and in the Fact: your obscene Tongue  
Spreading abroad the home-made nasty dung,  
Delighting in your shame: I shall take care  
To keep our bodies clean, and your tongue fair.  
But tell me (Sir) it is my last request,  
Are you with Mother, or a Sister blest?  
With both, (best Lady) replied Sanguine, and both are in the holy state of Matrimony, (but biting his lips, said privately, that word, holy, might have been well omitted,) she proceeded thus: 
And dost thou love and honour them? you do.  
But wouldst thou count them worth it, if you knew  
The one had wronged thy Father's bed? or she  
(Who doubtless hath her graces, if of thee  
She hath as much as face) were at this time  
Doing what I do deprecate? This Crime.  
Me thinks I see a noble fire arise,  
And glorious sparks in thy incensed eyes  
Against them, and their deflourers.—   
Sanguine was somewhat startled at her queries, yet as for his mother he was secure, being on the worst side of fifty. But his Sister was very young, and dear to him, and at that time about his breast hung her Picture, set in a rich Oval, which recalled her to his memory fresh as if she had been present, which he was willing to divert, and therefore he desired her Ladyship to press these points no farther, unless in bed, where, being matters of the sheets, they are most properly treated of. Then Euphema, quite out of hopes to convert him, or make him any way sensible of his error, resolved to try one weapon more (and if he persisted) after that to end her life upon the Poniard.  
Thou hast a Mistress sure, (one of thy Love,  
Not Lust) were that reputed spotless Dove,  
(I deem her so, may she so for ever.)  
Such as thou wouldst make me, though thou canst never,  
A whore, a perjured wife, a bosome-thiefe,  
A nest of Snakes? for such is the relief  
Of bastard issue, which thou boasts to lends,  
Like the foul jelly from fallen stars descends.  
Couldst thou with patience cherish her?  
Reward the goatish, rank Adulterer?  
And kiss those Babies as thine own, and bless  
The spurious spawn of an Adulteress?  
Madam, said Sanguine, I should kick her, her Barns, her Stallion into the air unto the Prince of it, (their Ghostly Father) but innocent Lady, though it be true, every one should do as he would be done by, and harm watch harm catch are good rules, yet at this time they are misapplied, and quite beside the purpose. And to be true to you (Lady) I have no Mistress of that nature; then strait Euphema rejoined: 
Suppose that I were she, as who can guess  
How soon my husband's low-r●n glass may cease?  
Couldst thou accept me for a wife, who have  
Wronged my repute before he's laid t'th ' grave?  
Sure a pure Crystal would more pleasant be  
Than a Speekt glass tainted by venomous eye.  
O change thy mind, thy hopes may not be far,  
Prefer no Falling to a Fixed star.   
At these words Sanguine, brought lower than his knees, fell prostrate, and beseeched her Ladyship that she would pardon his bold solicitation. And calling Heaven and Earth, Angels and Men to witness, All that he feared hereafter, or desired, if, Madam, (said he) you and the Fates decree me to that happiness, and at once provide to bless me both in soul and body, it is not seven years' expectation can weary out my patience; nay, those years (though I wish not the prolongation of my felicity) repeated would make me value my purchase the more by the grateful stay before fruition. And I shall wish to perish to eternity rather than add a thought more to this loathsome suit. I hate myself now for it, (I cannot say more than I love you) but I hate myself perfectly, villain, monster of my Sex, that came to spoil the miracle of hers; unless your clemency raise me from this place (Madam) I will grow to it, and not look to heaven (that is, not you in the face) until I find your serenity in assured forgetfulness of what is past. Euphema, confident that these expressions were not feigned, said, Sir, Your repentance doth oblige me to remission of past follies; and your protestations of fidelity are so high, that I will not question the faith of the speaker, or have the least scruple of doubt about it. Absolved, and credited, (my trusty and well accounted servant) let us in a noble and just conspiracy join to elude my husband's fury and suspicion both together, which cannot be but by a seeming loss of that ehastity, preservable in being supposed lost. I have heard much of Platonic love, now I will make experience of it, and in that height that Impotentio shall be satisfied in my obedience (as he calls it) if the dutiful submission to so base an Act can please any long. And as for you friend (when the just time for such a motion shall permit) I am to be challenged upon the promise, which I shall not recede from, you using the modesty and reverence of a Suitor. Sanguine, upon these words, religiously kissed her, and confirmed his perseverance in all chaste and civil deportments to her for ever. There hung by the bedside a rich and glorious Scimitar, and they entering together the same sheets, it was laid betwixt them emblematically, designing the danger of violated oaths, or else as a Ceremony preceding (after the manner of espoused Queens) and ratifying the Contract. Sanguine, (no doubt) wished the crooked weapon edgewaies upon Impotentios' last thread of life, that it might prove his Atropos, and make a short cut to their desires. But checking his recoiling thoughts, he asked the Ladies leave to charm her eyes asleep with this ensuing Song.  

1.  
Sublimed Love, Calcined desires,  
Thoughts rarified to harmless fires,  
And muzzled Flesh with blood refined,  
Attend my new Platonic mind.   

2.  
Eyes that have ta'en the Covenant,  
And lift up hands with pulses faint,  
Stopped ears, tied tongue, dead taste and touch,  
Will help the new Platonic much.   

3.  
Thus tamed, thus reined, thus mortified,  
Approach the chastest Ladies side:  
Rebated senses only prove  
Me fit for the Platonic Love.   

4.  
But let our souls emigrate meet,  
And in Abstract embraces greet,  
(Till that the Fates permit) let's live  
Intranc'd, by Love Intuitive.   
Impotentio, greedy to know the news of his own dishonour, posted so soon to his wife's Chamber, that Sanguine had scarce time to return the Scimitar to its place, and himself to his drawers; but finding his Merchant in that posture, he saluted him as newly arrived from Cape Bonae Speranzae. And so it is Sir, said Sanguine, to you Impotentio a night of hopes, but to me a Labour in vain. You need not now fear your brother's intrusion on your Estate, here is (noble Clarissimo) pointing to the most delicate Euphema. 
* Meaning, a ●●dy in the bed, that would not suffer any strange Coction.  Intus existens alienum prohibens. Then ran the imaginary Wittol to Euphema, and joyed her by the name of Mother; kissed her, and bid her love his friend, who had done more far for her than her husband could. It was my grief (said she) to find it so, though he hath proved himself a man of honour, reputation, and ability, and hath laid the seeds of a long trust in me. It should be so (said Impotentio) but let us think what Gossips we shall have; The Duke will not deny me I am sure, and the great Monsieur Le Spraffe, Leaguer from France. Sanguine replied, nay Sir, think me not so able (though 'tis pretty well with me) to get Children o'er night, to be borne men the next morning; we are sure of our Workmanship according to the natural way in due time, but for miracles you must not look. While they were in these discourses, in came an old maid-servant very ghastly with watching all night, wring her hands, and crying, Oh my Lord, Oh my good Madam, what shall betid me! the Moor is dead, and in the piousest manner, as we could guess, as any Christian could die; her hands often lift up to heaven, sighing and making signs as if she cared not for her own death if her Ladies were secure, and for want of timely salves expired in my Armos. Woe is me that she died in my Arms! I shall never think well of myself for it; I have lived these fifty years with my old Lord, and truly no body ever died in my arms before but your Lordship's gibbed Cat (rest his soul) that died of a bone cross his throat, and I kept my bed a month upon it, and what will follow after this who can tell? The foolish story of the old nurse-woman troubled Impotentio, who loved Fuseilla (though his Slave) for the love of his wife to her, and it in wardly grieved him that by his rashness she was destroyed. It was not long after that he sickened himself, reflecting deeply upon the murder of the Moor, (which was openly bewailed) but the deep touch of Conscience for the abuse of his most constant wife was the main stab; it was never well with the poor creature after that libbing fellow was in the house. Hoc tibi Penelope! What be as bad and worse than her luxurious Suitors! and now that his foolish brutish humour was fulfilled, the inhumanity and barbarism of the Fact stung him worse than Cleopatra's Vipers, hearing the fall of her Amours to Mark Antony. Little Ascanius too must play in his Hall, the long brand of his dishonour; and he reputed his, though no man could believe it; wherefore disturbed in mind, and every day decaying in strength, he intended to make a quiet end, though he lived, since the time of marriage very pettishly: Considering also that the abuse of his wife was his own invention, nothing was more worthy in his imagination then to hate her for obeying his will, and submitting upon force and execrtable threats; and below his anger it seemed to malign the fruit which he himself inoculated; wherefore he sent for his brother, and reconciled the differences betwixt their Families, and satisfied his expectations, confirming his eldest son in a fair estate; then, sending for Euphema, said, we are now private, and you see how fast I decline, there is no dallying, nor hypocrisy to be used, a small moment being betwixt me and my account; wherefore as I desire it whither I am going, so I heartily beg your pardon for my rash and ridiculous rape upon your Chastity. Conceal my folly, (faithfullest of wives) though what I have done cannot long be kept close. Let his name be (if a Male) Potentio, and do thou endow him as his manners shall hereafter deserve. The Child is innocent, (pointing to her rising mount) and fruits of this nature, though they grow wildings, prove rarely off the tree, and become Queen Apples, the delight of their Princesses, and fervants of great trust; a more generous flavour, and vigorous contagion giving influence at those stolen and illegitimate births than when legal duties are performed. 'Tis not therefore that you should be ashamed of him, nor discourage his active spirits, which that I may improve unto him, the executrixship of all is thine, and thou canst not hate what with such pains and dolours thou must dear buy; the Quarrels betwixt my Brother and myself composed, thou wilt have no trouble but this stripling, and then he sighed and wept bitterly, being almost at his last gasp; which Euphema perceiving by his short breathe, instantly fell down on her knees. 'Tis pity (worthy soul) to let thee go out of this world deceived, in that thing too which you do most repent of, and in whom you think the grand blemish of your house will for ever survive; Depart, Sir, as to that matter, satisfied in this discovery. Here is Ascanius and Astyanax the hopeful issue of my impurity, and drawing from underneath a fine wrought silken roll absolved him of the jealousy. This is your Angliterra-man, which according to the times of growth, hath been less or bigger, pardon my imposturage, not long durable; for I was resolved to free you of suspicion, Sanguine is as innocent as this roll for any act with me, nay more innocent, for Heavens forbid, he should ever have come so near me. Impotentio made a spring up in his bed, and kissed her, and forthwith died, having confirmed her in a vast estate, and left her Convert to be her comforter, those days of public sorrow over, they married without the intervening of a Scimitar.    

CHAP. IX.  
Mine Host is wild: Here comes a Carava●,  
Sing, Gaudeamus gaudia Magna, man!  
What fangle now, thy thronged guests to win,  
To get more Room, faith go to Inn and Inn.  
Leave off Romances, and thy lies in Print,  
Thy house hath nought but Current Stories in't.  
Things now in action, and the George must be  
The Scene, and perfect the Catastrophe.  
Ferdinando thinking to make sure Luscind,  
Is outed there, where he had thought to have Inned.  
And sad Cardenio, who feared all was nought,  
Is from his Spouse Heroic stoutness taught.  
Fair Dorothea, (height Nicomicon)  
Leaves all her Kingdom to her Champion,  
(Drowsy Don Quixot) and prefers the embrace  
Of Ferdinand 'fore the title of her Grace.  
Thus chaste Luscinda scaped her pursuer,  
And Dorothea met with her undoer.  
Relations pass of several misfortunes,  
And all offence is pardoned 'twixt the Curtains.  
Tope it about mine Host; the wine bags now  
Had been as good, as milk of the red Cow.  
But O what Cordial for poor Sancho's got,  
Sad beyond all refreshments of the pot!  
Ungovern'd, Uncardinalled, Unlorded,  
Outed of all his hopes, but not Unworded;  
He sees and weeps, and with unfeigned tears,  
Curses Knight-Errants, and the Fools their Squires,  
Resolving to return unto the Mancha  
As he went forth, an Ass, and Sancho Pancha.  

TEXT.  
THE Innkeeper said, here comes a fair Troop of Guests, and if they will here alight, we may sing Gaudeamus.] Such indeed are true Saints days to the Hosts, and here two or more are met together; Sancta Dorothae●, an authentic Saint; Luscinda, a Virgin Martyr; Cardenio, a devout Pilgrim; And Don Ferdinand after his penance, joined with Sancta Clara of Viedma, (who will crowd in anon for a lodging) may very well make holiday and a half. 'Twas very proper for these Saints to alight at the sign of Saint George, who ●lew the Dragon which was to pray upon the Virgin: The truth of which story hath been abused by his own Countrymen, who almost deny all the particulars of it, as I have read in a scurrilous Epigram, very much impairing the credit and Legend of St George; As followeth.  
They say there is no Dragon,  
Nor no Saint George 'tis said.  
Saint George and Dragon lost,  
Pray Heaven there be a Maid!  
But it was smartly returned to, in this manner.  
Saint George indeed is dead,  
And the fell Dragon slain;  
The Maid lived so and died,  
she'll ne'er do so again.  
Here Virginity is highly justified, not so much in Luscinda chaste in the Nunnery, but chased out of it by the lustful Ferdinand. Indeed Dorothea is a pregnant proof of constancy, and disproves that vulgar error, that a blown Rose is not so sweet as a closed, when 'tis well known, that a little air or vent disperses their Odours. How much of her worth had been hidden, if her gentlewoman had not been educated and instructed, at what times to stay, at what times to retire from her Lady's Chamber, which is as necessary a skill, as to pin, lace, comb, order a Beauty-speck, or make a Caudle, and eat half on't.  
I shall give you a short account of this successful meeting, as it was translated out of the Arabian Writer into Latin, and found in his Copy, who rendered it into Spanish.  
Happy Receipt of wand'ring wights,  
In which at once do meet  
As in a Cave, after affrights,  
Of stormy wind and sleet,  
Aeneas and the Carthage Queen;  
And what they did i'th' den,  
As these i'th' house (got to a screen)  
Is guessed both now and then.  
Don Ferdinand resigns his lass  
Unto Cardenio ragged,  
Or else his days he means to pass  
Upon the mountain cragged.  
Luscinda double honour merits,  
For playing of her game,  
Who would not let his Lordship's ferrets  
Usurp on Rabbits t●me.  
But Dorothaeas' nimble wits  
On Ferdinand prevails,  
And makes him vow, as it befits,  
They never would turn tails.  
The blushing Rivals than salute,  
But Ferdinand more shamed,  
Desired the money, for the Brutes  
Might never more be named.  
The gentle Knight Cardenio,  
Gave pardon and did crave,  
For praising his beloved so,  
Before she was i'th' grave.  
Commend their beauties when they're gone,  
When death hath barred access,  
Than you may safely trust a Don,  
With any cold Countess.  
Luscinda then, and Dorothy kiss,  
The Nun, and the young wife;  
Who, if her Lord had done amiss,  
Must ever been at strife.  
Luscinda said, that flight was it,  
That saved her from that Lure,  
But Dorothy said, she did submit,  
And made the Thing Cocksure.  
Thus Lords and Knights were all appeased,  
The Lady and the Nun,  
Her stealing from the Cloister pleased  
On this condition.  
Let us now try whether we can find you with variety, and present a company at an Inn as merry as these, where the guests and the Host are all jocund; and it may chance those that hear it or read it may be as blithe as the persons in it.  
It was in that Country, which is fair for its Lands, commodious for Havens, and famous for Inns, and at an Inn in that Country, which hath one Room, and one Bed in that Room of more receipt than the Host of Andalusia's whole house: Hither it was, where a Quaternion of Knights and Ladies resolved to take their recreation; they were very richly set forth, both men and women; yet the unusualnesse of such apparel, and their ill management, and odd carriage in their bravery, made them suspected to the Innkeeper, that they were not what they would be reputed, or else (if he was deceived in that conjecture) he took them for some new-fledged gentry, lately hatched in that warm Oven, the grand Metropolis, and had made this the first flight to air their fine, but tender feathers, and try their wings. But the variety of their habits distracted him more than all, which made them appear like persons of several Countries, yet their tongue was all one, and their faces (not indeed so like, as Hertford shire sheep) but such as might discover them to be of one Nation. A Caroche of a substantial Axletree, brought six of them, and Monsieur Suteur, and Signior Clippochop● road before to provide the entertainment, which Bill of fare the Innkeeper (after perfect disquisition, which he partly conjectured, and partly drank the Caroch-man into confession of) his ingenuity put into a short Canto, in memory of his guests and their provisions.  

A Sonnet,  

1.  
A goodly Rumbouze of Canary,  
A lusty dish of eggs and Clar-ee;  
Botergo and the stirring Collops  
Make ready for my bouncing Trollups:  
Mounsieur Suteur will have it be  
For his Madama Daplusee.   

2.  
A grand Salad with oil D'Zant,  
Mustrumps Muriat, (the God's Provant)  
Frogs ordered, All a Mode de France,  
A larded Venisons ample Haunch;  
Capon with Links and Oysters big,  
Are for Madonna Perivigg.   

3.  
An hotchpotch, and Olla-Podridas,  
Some roast, some sod, a meat for high days.  
a All to Mall of all the Creature,  
Great dishes, like the spreading Eater;  
Bread, Brother, Bacon, Boutter sal●en,  
Provided be for steepen Malten.   

4.  
A dish of Olives Genoise,  
A Sheep's shoulder of the largest size,  
Breast with Anchovaes' sauce and Claret,  
(They shall be sure to pay me sound for it.)  
Crabs, Lobsters, and the Trout of Trent,  
Were dressed for Madam Corpulent.    
As much of these dainties as could be, were provided, and the Innkeeper Marshaled the dishes, being Sewer and gentleman of the Ceremonies himself; at a round Table they sat, and intermixed, a Knight and a Lady were very handsomely chequered; and Daplusee and Periwiga, were the best trained pair there, and had seen fashions abroad, and were now tricked up in two great Ladies new Gowns, which was a customary service the Mounsieur owed his wife, and at this time his wife's friend, before the Suits were carried home: Insomuch, that his Daplusee was the most noted for new Dresses and shifts of Apparel of any where she lived; but the Protean Tayloresse, nor her Husband Akillouse, could never be found in the same shape above once, that their neighbours wondered where she had supplies for their various Wardrobe. She undertook the carving, and handsomely dispensed the cheer about; but not with so good grace did the men carry it out, who, some slovens, and some penurious, very much disparaged their apparel and their Ladies. For Mounsieur Suteur was espied by his wife, scoring the reckoning of Jugs, and quarts of Wine, by the losing a button on his doublet for the one, and his sleeves for the other. Insomuch, that had not Daplusee taken him a Button lower, his whole set would not have served the turn for Supper-account in liquor, for his neighbour Gallinego the Vintner, and Flounderferkin the Brewer did so ply his little body, and his Brothers Clippochopo so hard, that they were not able to endure the narrow precincts of their new clothes; but unbuttoned all, and lost at once, wits and reckoning. Their Ladies are very joyful to see them so cheerful, for they were never fit for Ladies indeed, but when they were a little Monkey, than they are all Love; the prettiest Cubs to play withal, that Paris Garden affords, than you may command all, that is, their purses, which nothing will open, but the disclosing juice of the grape. Dame Corpulent accosted their slender sisters, and told them, lacing so close spoiled their breaths, and did very much infringe the liberty of their bodies, and for example sake, showed them by what means themselves came to the full extent and wideness of their skins; which was expressed by dispatching a lusty Rummer of Rhenish to little Periwig, who passed it instantly to steepen Malten, and she conveyed with much agility to Daplusee, who made bold to stretch the Countess' Gown into a pledge, and Cover and Come, which was the only plausible Mode of drinking, they delighted in: This was precisely observed by the other three, that their moistened brains gave leave for their glibbed tongues to chat liberally, than every one's Suit, Gorgets, and attire were censured, their fancies compared, every one undervaluing the others, and highly praising their Husband's liberality, when perchance they were the presents that some welcome servant had gratified them with. From themselves they proceed to descant on their neighbours; and (good lack) what faults they found every where. Mrs' Almond the Confectioners wife is much set behind, because she wanted a good Dresser, and never was pinned handsomely, but her things stood awry. Mrs Figg the Grocer's wife as much condemned, that she had not yet left off her Hat, and put herself into a Bag; and such a one had spoiled all her teeth before she was eighteen with Sweet meats, that she never durst laugh without her handkerchieffe, otherwise the woman was a feat one. And Mrs such a one never came abroad powdered enough to take away the scent of her body; which was the cause she never came near the fire. But above all they admired Mrs Spruce the Parson's wife, who though she were crump'd-shouldered, and had other imperfections, yet her clothes were so neatly contrived, that being dressed, she seemed as strait as an Arrow. A good soul that, and never missed the good wife's Club, though she were tied to religious per●ormances very much at home. She was an example to the rest, and carried the business so quickly, that after a good rouse or two, no more signs appeared, then if she had been with her Good man at the Exercise: Others of their sisternity (very weak headed women, frail vessels) carried not matters so well for want of use and experience, which in a short time would be perfected. Then from that to childbearing, and what easy labour Mrs Touch had, and how pretty a boy, and how kind a man Mr Touch was, who let her have her will in every thing, which no doubt is a great help toward the facilitating those matters. It is so tender a soul, that if she should but look awry, 'twould make her miscarry; for she is true Touch, and never misses. And then to the differences of Midwives, how comfortable Dame Short would speak concerning patience and stoutness in those cases, before she had drank Sack and Sugar, and after it how fluently her tongue walked until the time came to show her skill, which she always performed with such success, and was so skilful in Phisnomy, that those signs and resemblances (which we poor women could never discern) were made so apparent to our Husbands, that they found the child to be their own by the countenances, and those marks which Dame Short gave them to take notice of: It hath been fifty pieces in her way at times from the good men; those discoveries which are great satisfactions and most sure restrainers of jealousy: Other Dames on the contrary, are heavy and dull, without this secret too, which is all in all, and want speech and encouragement fit for women in those plights, they are harsh and imperious also, enough to scare them more, than the business itself. From such Midwives good Lord deliver me, and when the time shall come again (saith Mrs Clippochopo.) Let Mrs Short be for my labour; I love a short cut of it: It will not be long first, (saith Corpulent) Mr Clippochopo does it to a hair, and to that good hour, or whosoever it shall be next; we fat women are not so good Breeders, 'tis true, but we envy not your forwardness, as shall appear by this full Carouse, and to you Steepen Malten, to the next rise amongst us, be it right or wrong. Softly that, said Dame Suteur. All this time the Knights played it at Dutch Gleek, and had so vied it, and revied it, that they were all Honours in their faces, and Toms by their straddling, and now they are for their Tib's, who had played fair, and made never a Reneg all the time. The Knights went every one first to his own Lady, and then his friends, and did so smooch them, that the lippe-frolicks were heard into the Kitchen, which fetched up mine Host, who very much welcomed his Noble Guests, and joyed to see the strong affections they bore to one another. He asked their Ladyships, what refection they would have before bedtime. All were for a Sack Posset, you shall have one, you may swim in, (said mine Host) Quickly then (said the Ladies) with expedition Madam, and with spice enough. In this space, they agree to lie in the grand bed, and to avoid errors, they disposed of themselves, for the first pair, female on the out side of Male, Male next to that Male, then two females, next two Males, and a Female utmost. Thus they made all secure, by the contrivance of their wives, whose judgements at the instant were the quicker. Fresh lights brought up, came a Cauldron of Posset, which the Host (fully satisfied of their quality) had besprinkled with some Pulvis Crepitorius, the Innkeeper stayed and saw such mannerly feeding, that he blessed himself, and thanked Heaven that posset was no meat that he liked, much good do you Gallants said he, this is lusty stuff, warm, and wholesome. True Myn-here (quoth Steepen Malten) we shall not hear of this again; But for your goods, quoth mine Host, and wishing them good rest, he sent his maids to attend them to bed.  
Four handsome Girls presently appeared and proffered their service, but the Ladies desired only to know the places of conveniencies, and so dismissed them. And with good speed they did Abigail it each to others, until all being ready for bed, they had very much ado to make the Knights (laden with posset and Canary) to observe the order of their bed-postures as was prescribed. After a small rest, the Posset worked with a powder, and from the north side of the bed Steepen Malten gave such a warning piece, that alarmed all the quarters near her, and Corpulenta (being herself a petty garrison) returned two guns for one; Daplusee and Clippochopo laughing so violently at it, broke into consent with them, and did peal it about, and sometimes ring the Changes so merrily, that the continual noise waked the dull Knights, who no sooner stirred, but Flounder Ferkin gave a broad side, which almost spoilt all the tackling of the bed, and now the other three upon the report of the last, like Blockhouses, did so play their great Guns, that there was nought but smoke and stench, the Wind being in every one's Face. It was a night of high service, and great action, but the wind a little appeased, a storm came suddenly, the men running to the Closestools, the women to the Looking, or Leaking-glasses, (where they sat not so sweet as Roses and Flowers in a garden-pot) but wondering at the mischances, each complained, and heard one another's tails very dolefully, crying, It was never so with me before; O, I have played the beast, saith another; Daplusee could not hold, but went to it without measure; and Dame Clip. wished for her husband's Basin, these utensils would not contain; Insomuch that they were enforced to the Chimneys, where like Hawks on a perch they sliced it, while their Males were for casting and muting together. It began now to be daylight, and by the waggery of the Host the Musicians were tuning, but alas their Cat's guts were instantly out-sounded by the loud music within, which so confounded them, that they could not hear themselves; wherefore they sent for their Oboes, Cornets, Sackbuts, and other great Instruments, and then the airs within were higher and hotter than those without, which put the Music to a retreat from the doors. But they knocked at length, and sent the Music a reward by a maid-servant, which was of a good smell enough, though the Bringer very nicely held her nose whiles she gave it; The Maid called for more help, and forthwith the four girls, whose hands they refused overnight, were scarce sufficient for their nightwork; But Daplusee had so sweetened the maids in the Palm, that they began silencing without missing, and mine Host, understanding the lank state they were in, provided very comfortable Caudles for my Dames, and a Gallon of burnt Claret for the Knights, which (with the reckoning) went down very current and glib. Their stomaches at ease, they resolved to dine nearer to the Metropolis, ashamed to stay any longer at that Fowl nest; so they called for the Coachman, who put the horses in readiness, and received them again, a great deal more comfortable carriage than they were before. And now we must return to Andaluzia, where by this time the Don is unenchanted from sleep, and no sooner awakened, but his Squire Sancho brings new fears upon him, and destroys all the Design of the Kingdom, the Government, and his hopes of the Princess of Nicomicon, which puts the Don upon fresh actions, as you may hereafter read.    

CHAP. X.  
Quixot will not be undeceived, and finds  
No pleasure like the error of crazed minds.  
Sancho and all his visions are confuted,  
And will again be Squire of Arms reputed.  
The hopes of th' Island buzzed into his noddle  
Hath filled it up with a strange scheme and model  
Of Future Government; now Ferdinand  
His Dorothy may kiss, or lead in hand;  
Sancho unmoved, who will make good his part,  
And laid his errors on the Magic Art;  
Which well the Squire in ignorance might keep,  
When that the Knight enchanted was so deep.  
But when the Captive Turk and stately Moor  
Came to the Inn (as he thought to implore  
The Queen to speed away) his heart was full,  
And lifted up as high as the Mogul.  
No less the Don doth burgeon, and once  
Again comes on Mambrino's battered sconce.  
Look to 't you blacks, our Knight secured o'th' score,  
With's Basin comes to wash a Black-a-moore.  

TEXT.  
SAncho as we have said was only sorrowful, and thus he entered with melancholy semblance to his Lord, etc.] Sancho gives the Don a good day after an evil night, in as bad an hour, and as mad a tune, and as sad a tone.  
I'll come, I'll come again to thy wits,  
we'll make it working day.  
O done thy clothes, and doff thy Dons fits,  
The fool in arms no longer play;  
We never shall take Castles more,  
Nor Queens thy nonsense aid implore.  
No live-Gyants shall fall,  
Nor bored wine bags at all,  
But the World shall see  
What very very Coxcombs we be.  
Yes indeed (Sir) so it is, we be Three may be inscribed over our heads, and no injury to the Reader, for we are no small fools. The Queen of Micomicona is turned to Dolla Roba Bona, wife to the Duke of Andalusia's second son, you lost your opportunity. At these words Don Quixot very much wrath, said; 
Is not the Giant slain? is not his head  
Presented to the Queen, in triumph lead?  
Is not this Ocean in the Room, the Sea,  
The red Sea of his foul Phlebotomy?   
I (Sir) said Sancho, when his head was struck off, than these Rivers of blood flowed from him, and in the tide his head also ran from us. Mr Quesada, I entreat you act not beyond the play. all's done, the Knights done, the Squires done, the Ladies done, and we are undone; good Sir, retire into yourself again, for you have been Errand too long; have you no concealed Royals, dollars, or old Gold quilted in your doublet or waist-band? This blood calls with a vengeance, mine Host calls, his wife balls, 'tis not the blankets, a toss or two into the air will satisfy; The Ass (my Lord) will be laid by the ears for it. Pray look about you, do you not smell the Fe Fa Fum of the Giant's blood? Here is the Giant's skin, this wine-bag pierced indeed by your Killsa-hog, poor Borachios, would they had been in your belly, (not for my part) than my Ass had gone for somewhat, but to part with it for a dry reckoning, and with dry basting too, for that will be the end of it; Sir, can you hear it and not weep, not for the Ass Sir?  
If thou dost well remember, I told thee when we were last here, how all that succeeded here was done by Enchantments.] Sir, said Sancho, were the hoysts in the Blanket an Enchantment? is mine Host (the same foul beast now and then) an appearance? a Vision with all that load of flesh upon his back? 'Tis true, he hath proved a Devil incarnate, Wife, Daughter, and Maid to me, and your turn is next, for you have a very ill-favoured score at the letter Q. which stands for your whole name. Give me my clothes quoth Don, will your search your pockets (good Sir,) or feel about the stiffnings where your hoard lies? what dost tell me of scores (quoth Quixot) think'st thou I'll take chalk for cheese, were they hundred of Scores, am not I able to sweep 'em off with a wet finger? Sancho sighed at his high frenzy, and weeping for fear of the loss of his companion, the Ass, well Sir said he, show yourself a man of your hands then this time, and deliver us from this chalky way: I tell thee Sancho, I will not leave thee, till thou hast seen the Milky way, and I have made thee and thy Ass a Constellation, Dyonagri I'll have you called. This Milky way is even home again (thought Sancho) to the Dairy at the Mancha, and my poor Ass must be a Stallion.  
I am informed (beautiful Lady) that your greatness is annihilated, and your Being destroyed, for of a Queen, you are become a particular, etc.] The Don would have said (if he had considered the condition she was in) that her Greatness was augmented by the proliferous Contagion of Don Ferdinand, a brother Don, and until this instant Errand; the Magical Father Don is at hand to justify his work, which though it were a deed of darkness, yet it will come to light, without your man Midwifery; nor was it in his thoughts, to diminish your abilities at the acting of it, or require them, the business being a single Duel without partners or Surgeons: And as for the Giant so lately beheaded by you, the witnesses are alive that saw your valour. The Host here made a serious interruption, and told him to his teeth, that the Giant was two wine bags; Fool said the Don, they were the Giants two wine-pipes, for he had every thing double, but his head, and that doubled with us two: But the Host commanded silence, the Don proceeded, and embold'ned the Lady to slight her Negromancing Father, and reply upon his arms for restitution; 
Si Pergamon dextrâ  
defendi possent, etiam hâc defensafuissent.   
The Queen answered with a very good grace and countenance, on this manner.]  Coram quam suspicis adsum. 
Who hath endeavoured (Heroic Sir) to rob me of my person, my State, mine Honour, and what is most tender to me, your good opinion of me? I am all the same, (except this misconstruction) and my expectancies as high of your performances as ever. Drive home, Sir, your great design and mine, and I shall accompany you unto the journey's end. To you I attribute these beginnings of my joy, these Noble friends, who never had set eye on me, but that your name, like a Landmark, guided them to this Inn. Give leave most sufficient Knight, that these may be joyed witnesses of your great actions, they shall not need to lend a hand to your assistance; the fame of your motion, and approaches to the place, will be a terror to your enemies, and half the Victory, the rest submission; only some few excepted Persons, who will stick to the Giant in that memorable battle, wherein you are to gain me what I long desired, and yourself eternal fame, which you deserve.  
Don Quixot having heard her, turned him to Sancho, with very manifest tokens of indignation.] O unpolisht Knight; not so much as an obeisance or the bend of Mambrino's Helmet to the Queen, after her so eminent and clawing Oration! But fury doth transport him, and choler against his Squire hath wholly envenomed his spirits, which are as fiery now, as they were dashed before. Now he will vanquish all Giants, Knights, Monsters and Squires, in the person of Sancho in saeculae saeculorum. One emanative blow, shall transfuse itself vigore & impulsu agentis, unto the right ears of all lying Squires in the world, who being called to the proof of the sense, not reason of this chastisement, shall find for the Don, that they had aflation on the right cheek, and justice themselves worthy of Cuffs a piece for their pains.  
Good my Lord replied Don Quixot, I do highly gratify the honour that is done me.] Mark now, who is more Courtier than the Don? who fairer or more mealy-mouthed than the Knight of the Ill-favoured face? words I'll promise you very shrewdly placed, and to good advantage (for the trepidations about the rescue of the slaves, were not off the Don nor Sancho neither) and a friend in Court is better than money in Purse. This was a sure Proverb with the Don, and much of his direction. Now thoughts of action are laid aside, and the Don too for a while. Room for fresh Gamesters, here is a Chessboard to my Hosts Noddy-board, Moors and Xtians.  
A pure white and a black,  
Knight and Lady that lack  
A Lodging for a night a,  
E'en shuffle together,  
A Ewe and a Wether,  
And have the same delight-a,  
Don himself he will watch,  
That no harm do you catch,  
What ever him betides-a-.  
But O the mischance,  
The sluts force him to prance,  
And on his feet to ride-a-.  
O behold how he hangs,  
In most pitiful pangs  
A sullen Lady's Martyr,  
Yet grinning honour wins,  
And drops down from his gins,  
Knight of the hempen Garter.  
Our Great Don's in a noose,  
Who will the Knight lose?  
The Wenches have no mercy.  
Upon Hecate call,  
To nightmare, and Hag, all,  
Or make 'em Sow's O Circe.  
The Stories of the Moor and Captive, (as that of the curious Impertinent) I shall strive to equal by the like, where a Christian Lady falls in Love with a handsome youth, and follows him, through many dangers, being enforced to try her woman's wits to compass him: But the Don a while will deprive you of the tale, being very highly taken up with a discourse of Learning, most unhappily seizing his head, when he should have put bread into it, in collation Time; A thing very few Scholars or Soldiers are guilty of. So that by the practice of those Professors, the Don should have little correspondence or interest in either, yet in his own person he seemed to be compacted of both. His Manlike, dreadful and Ill-favoured Face, render him a son of Bellona; his lank Bare-bone sides, a son of Minerva, wherefore he undertakes both parties, though with a resolution to vilify and undervalue Learning. Behold the wise, politic, and Learned Ulysses, and the rash, stout and magnanimous Ajax, bound up in one Don Quixot, and a Theatre of Knights, Lords and Ladies, with a crowd of Clowns, Coxcombs, and other Auditors all assembled to hear who shall win Achilles' Armour. It had been very well for the Don (if that such a prize had been at stake) for his own Arms were most pitifully battered, antique, and rusty. But here was no reward for his Oratory, go it how it would, only empty praise, yet success in Arms, as he promised to himself, in the design for the Kingdom of Micomicona, might raise him to a fortune few Soldiers of Fortune arrive unto. But I fear this wit-Combate, will prove a drawn battle, and neither Scholar nor Soldier get any thing by the contention: However the Don's Rhetoric, Pro and Con will delight you, to whom speculations of this nature, were meat, drink, and cloth.  Surgit ad hos Dominus male fractâ Casside Quixot.   

CHAP. XI.  
Alas poor Scholar, whither wilt thou go?  
Thy Brother wanderer is turned thy foe.  
O simple Knight, O Dulman Ignoramus!  
Were't not for Scholars, how came you so Famous.  
What are your Castles, Ladies, and your fightings,  
Inventions only, and the spawn of writings.  
Search all the Mancha, all the World o'er look,  
No Quixot will be found, but what's i'th' book.  
Quixot Contra Artes.  
Proh Jupiter inquit,  
Ante rates Causam, & mecum confertur Ulysses?  
O Jove! what have I lived to see,  
Any wise thing compared to me?  
THey seem not to understand well, (great confluence of Queens, Princes, Peers, Knights, Squires, Ladies, Clergy and Commons, who knew not that Minerva or the great Goddess Pallas is equal Goddess of Arts and Arms, and that the Purple of the Field as well as the schools, the green Laurel of the Bar, and the gilded Laurel of the Standard, are both her Donatives, Largesses, and rewards, and though she appear as often Armed, as in her Candid, and pure Robe, yet these men of the Quill very much engross her to themselves, and will allow us men of the blade, a very small or no share in her. Something indeed it is they say, that She herself being the offspring of jupiters' brain, Sine Matre Filia, they may lay greater claim to her, because all their labour is opus Cerebri, the sweat of the Pericranium; a little noddle intention, or headache perchance, which when they have hammered it out, they call it Sapientia; and by this means would shuffle us from Ioves Head to his Thighs, where he preserv'd a young plump Godling called Bacchus, after the death of his Mother Semela; from him they say we have an interest in jove, but removed, and by that means, have cozened us of a yard of jupiter at least, and having procured a Numen for us, say from Bacchus the God of Wine, and consequently of quarrels, our profession at first sprung. 'Tis true, that the Cradle of our Deity (they will allow us) was the strength of his Father, but what, will they make only football players of us? they shall find it contrary; or if it be so, that the ball is the world, and we carry it upon our Toes before us. Another argument they have from the nine Muses, who all of them seem (except some one pitiful whiner Melpomene) to be their Patroness, and that Apollo, when he is an Archer, is not Precedent of the Company. O Generations of fictitious mynters! who knows not that Apollo is a Deity Errand, and runs o'er the World once in 24 hours, slew the great Dragon Py●hon, which was the leading adventure to all ours, and would have relieved the Lady Daphne, but that he was enchanted into a Bay Tree; yet though he could not win her, he doth wear her in sign of his true affection about his brows for ever. Out of the number of the nine Muses they have excluded our Goddess Indignation and Eris, which themselves say are Poetical, Facit Indignatio versum. Those are verses now with stings in their tails. Lycambaean Poetry, lines will make their subject hang themselves; And, they have thus cheated the world with the height and antiquity of their original, they think to overcome us with numbers too, laying claim to all Merchants, Pilots, Seamen, Architectours, Masons, Carpenters, Shipwrights, as their alumni; things that live out of the Mathematics. Then they bring Fiddlers, Barbers, Harpers, Dancing Mrs, Singing men, Choristers, Ballad singers, Coblars, and Plowmen, the heirs of Music; and then a Regiment of Factors, Scriveners, Usurers, Vintners, Tapsters, Cooks, Writing-Masters, Almanac-makers, Fortune-tellers, Surveyors, Brewers Clerks, Bakers, and all Tally-men, marching under the account of Arithmetic. To these they join Historians, Poets, Schoolmasters, Divines, Advocates, Attorneys, and Solicitours, Booksellers, Printers, all of them are most dependant upon Grammar, Rhetoric and Logic, so that by their good wills, they will not leave a man for Arms, unless he be a Porter, a Vagrant, or a decayed Gentleman, Bankrupt, a Waterman, or journey men Tailors; who yet contend mightily to be under some of the seven Sciences, though not as they are liberal: Shoemakers pretend to a Gentle Craft too, but honest kill-Cow, he is ours: The Butchers are not denied us, though they are not allowed to be de jure Pacis, they are de jure Belli. This one profession is enough for our work, to cleave such a company of Calves-heads, as they have mustered up together. Another thing they object, that their pains exceed those of the Soldier; by how much spiritual or mental pains transcend corporal. Indeed the Schoolmasters pains is somewhat, and the scholars under him more, but that is all corporal.  Huc ades, haec animo concipe dicta tuo. 
A very fair invitation to a poor Commons, which ends most commonly in lachrymae; or a Parce precor, Posthâc aeternùm versificabor. Is that animo concipere? Truly the Schoolmasters and Tutors (whether at the Universities or at home) are most necessary instruments in a Common wealth; for without the seeds of knowledge, reading and writing, understanding the principles of learning, the rule and direction to higher matters, (whether in Arms, Law, Physic, or Divinity) no man could serve his Prince, or be useful to the places where he was bred. These men that thus discipline, and train up our youth in civil behaviour, decency, good manners and knowledge, are men worthy of double honours, that is, stipend and reward, yet you need not be at two charges for it, of a Ruling Schoolmaster, and a Teaching Schoolmaster, it all being the excellency of one man. The Government and discipline of the School, instils as much as the Master's presence and instruction: And it were to be wished, that Parents, Guardians, and others whom it concerns, would reflect upon the men of this condition, with as good an eye of favour, as on those especial Officers of the Hawks and Hounds, which appurrenances to great Families, commonly are gratified in a better sort, per annum, for the training of a whelp, or making a Hawk, than the other professors are for educating a son, and fitting him for the World. A decrepit Huntsman or Falconer may have a quietus, and go with a Copyhold, or some small annuity, when after the polishing and preferring of a hundred Scholars successively, a Schoolmaster shall have only his punctual Minervall, and so leave him to his Mill, to weary out his life like a Horse with continual exercise, forgot alike, by Parents and Scholars, unless it be a Seneca or an Aristotle, whose scholars were very able men and Soldiers, Alexander and Nero: Yet this latter wished a Nesciisset Literas, the knowledge of Arms being more suitable to a Prince than books. And Alexander loved Aristotle, and admitted him, but followed the Camp, and left him to his Parva naturalia. Caesar also was a great Soldier and Scholar, and I only wish myself more learned than I am, for the commendations given of him; he wrote with the same Genius that he fought. Now were Don Quixot so enabled, what Comments would the World have of his adventures, and how plausible? The Arcadia would be laid by, Polenander set aside, and only Don Quixot would be the study and delight, and taking Legend, with all that love Arms, or to Arm Ladies. And for this very end only, I can admit of some small familiarity with learning, for it did highly inflame me to read, well worded, and in expressions answerable to their actio●s, the Famous Wars of King Pippin, the Giants, and the Gods, and Hercules, besides Fleximart, Don Gateer and D' Amadis, which I have at my finger's ends. But otherwise for Learning, it is a mere cheat, and the grand Professors like soothsayers, laugh one at another. The Grand Signior and Soldier of the World, allows of no Learning. Plato banished Poets out of his Commonwealth; and how many now adays run up and down the World, having all things in their heads, but bread. It had been better to know nothing, then to know want; yet they will answer him in some stoical sentence, 'tis better to know how to want, then want knowledge. Enjoy the Paradox good Pincht-Belly, while I show the men of the times, men of the first times in these last; men of gold, who came not into the World to be served last, or starved at last.  
Arma tenenti  
Omnia dar, qui justa negat.  
He that a sword hath got,  
Commands the Pottage pot.  
Vivitur ex rapto.  
He that can catch and hold,  
He is the man of Gold.  
And so I leave the Scholar, rather pitying, then triumphing over him.  Of Arms. 
Most illustrious Queen, and by your residence, glories, presence, and derivative rays, eminent and conspicuous Confessors. I know full well, that the Tree of Knowledge, was the most glorious pleasant stock of Paradise, but yet forbidden, the bold attempting to know above what they should, disposfest the aspirers of that beautiful Garden, and gave the first occasion for Arms in the world; a Flaming sword being set for an eternal bar upon the pass, that they should not re-enter. A long time it was before wars came in, (though a fourth part of the world was murdered by his brother) as the generations of men multiplied, than societies, Kingdoms and Governments were erected in several places, and good and wholesome Laws invented for the security of Meum and Tuum, every man's right; the Vindex of which laws, (if they were infringed) was the public Magistrate; but sometimes the multitude offending, the Delegated Power could not restrain 'em; wherefore he was enforced to call in help, and friends, to set all right at home. And to prevent future insurrections, they raised a Military Power, which stood for the defence of the Magistrate, against contempt and violence, so that the same strength served against civil Commotions, and foreign invasions. At home the soldier's life was easy and grateful; But when he was commanded to draw forth, to avenge the injuries offered to the Prince, than his life is worth taking notice of; what long Marches? what tedious Sieges? what short allowance? what thin accoutrements? what dangerous duties? and what gallant ends? Well said our Poet, Multum ille, & terris jactatus & alto.  
There's tossing for you, Scholars, a little more troublesome than rattling chains in a Library, and tumbling old musty Authors from morning till night, not a line there hurts you, but from one of our Lines, perchance a hundred commanded men, may have their ultima linea rerum. This is our Rubric, (the Scholars) the letter which doth immortalize, or rather Canonize us. A vengeance take all Guns, Bullets, Powder, and the Authors of them. Printing and they were about an age, and the Devil knows which is the worst. They were made for dispatches, very right, the one makes the quarrel, and the other defends it, and both sides rue it. And yet you Scholars say, that the Sword was more destructive than the Ordnance, Herquebuzze, or any Powder Engine. The noise forsooth, the terror, the sudden dispatch of a party, saves the rest of an Army sometimes, and induces a summons to a Treaty; as King Henry with his leathern guns obtained it before Boulogne, whereas, when the matter was disputed by the Sword and Javelin, a major part must be slain, before the Generals could tell which side had the better: No, Sophister, no such matter, the business was effected with less blood, or at least, blood of less moment. In the ancient wars, before these Bombards, Blunderbushes, Petards, or salt Peter, (the Devil's Ale-Tubs were ever tapped.) The very name of Caesar, Hector, or any famous Officer, routed a wing, a Legion, as soon as it was heard they were in the Field: And therefore contend no more for your two black coats, the Monk and the Devil, who were the contrivers of these murderous Engines, whereby an Alexander, a Achilles, a Solyman or a Solomon either; the wise man and the valiant fall undistinguished without knowing their enemy, or showing any experiment of their undoubted strength, or subtle stratagems in war; so it may befall ourself (dread Queen,) at the siege of the chief Castle, that some misguised Bullet (which Heaven forefend) may deprive you of the man, who slew indeed the Giant, and laid all waist before him, conquering by his high fame, as much as his known prowess, and yet behold the Heros, how he lies, the Triumph, and the spoil of a piece of Lead!  
I have a whole Field to expatiate in the praise of this Ancient and Honourable profession, which throughout the world is formidable; what Land can you come into, but you shall find the Monuments of some great Battles surviving in Stones, Cuts, and works in the ground, Pillars, Coins, Inscriptions, Arms with Bodies, of an incredible weight and stature buried, and commonly found? What hath set your brains on work more, than the Histories of fight Princes, the Greeks and Trojan war, the Field of Pharsalia, ennobled by our Country man Lucan, and the like; when all the stock of wit was vented, in flattering the victorious side, although in your affections, you were for the beaten party. Pro Verre, or contra Verrem; 'tis all alike to you, you turn as round as a Pig, in all disturbances for the success: We fight it, you enjoy the profits of it. It were good policy, in my Imagination, to change and shift callings, and sometimes the Soldier should spend a year or two in a Gown, enjoy a Government, a fellowship, and others, while the Scholar doth lead a Company, trail a Pike, th●● they may experimentally and judiciously discourse of the several excellencies, pains, and labours of both these professions. How many bloody rounds are there to be climbed in the scale of military honour, before you are at the top of preferment? and how many brave souls perish in the getting up, every step being under-watched with Dragons, Lions, Tigers and old Mors himself. If a Scholar obtain not his desires, it is his own fault, very few miscarry, if they will make themselves able, and apply to the right way; study, and be thrifty, take heed of Alla: To: and especially have a care, when they are young students, not to intoxicate their noddles with hot loaves and butter, pudding Pies, and penny Custards, which make dunces, and clotpates. And thus I have discharged this undertaking of the preeminency of Arts and Arms, which later doth as much exceed the other, as a sword doth a Pen knife, or a Campania, a Brown study.  
Dixit;  
Quid vocis precium? siccus petasunculus, aut vas Pelamidum?  
A dish of Plais●, or Spanish Bacon, had been meat for a better Rhetorician, but it falls out otherwise.  
Arms great Defender, and of Truncheons,  
Prates himself out of's after-noons Luncheons.  
The Curate applauded his discourse, affirming, that he had very good reason for what he spoke in favour of Arms, and that he himself was of his opinion.] An applause obtained like that of a Play, most ridiculously penned and acted, where the Auditors (who notwithstanding, convinced in judgement to the contrary) durst dislike nothing, but gave great Plaudies to most things that were to be hissed off the Stage with the Speakers; but the exhibiters of that show politicly had placed Whifflers armed and linked through the Hall, that it was the spoil of a Beaver hat, the firing a Gown, beside many a shrewd Bastinado, to look with a condemning face upon any solecism, either in action or language. Mr Curate was therefore well advised, who allayed his spirit of contradiction, and submitted to the Whifling Knight-Errant, with the Ill-favoured face.  
Don Ferdinand entreated the Captive, to recount unto him the History of his life.] And here indeed follows a story, will captivate the hearer, it being full of fine changes of misfortunes, and as sweet and pleasing conclusion; for Phillida hath her Corydon, and Corydon hath his Phillida. It ' is (praeter institutum) not my intention to undertake these serious stories, but as before, with an exchange, which will be no robbery; only the Argument I shall present unto you, of the 12 13 and 14 Chapters, and so proceed to the Barter; like some simple Concionator, who naming his Text in a Country Auditory, shut the book, and took leave of it, for the whole hour, as if it had been a dangerous thing, and not to be handled.   

CHAP. XII, XIII, XIIII.  
Old Perez of Viedma, out of Lion,  
Sent forth three sons, which the whole world had eye on;  
The Father squared his state quadri-partite,  
And left himself, but a child's portion right.  
Three way's his old Mercurial fingers showed,  
And each one was to honoured ends a road;  
The Church, the Seas, the Court; high ways all three,  
By three made good, Wit, Valour, Industry.  
Each son took's several tract: But Ruy Perez,  
The craggy path, where Honour linked with fear is.  
Our Captiv's for the Wars, and his first trial  
Was fiery, but of engagement royal.  
Have you not heard of that great Naval fight,  
Sped 'fore Lepanto? when the Turks Moon light  
Was so eclipsed, 
The half moon is the grand Signior's Ensign and Badge.  that the proud 
* Selim. Emperor of the Turks.  Ottoman  
Resigned his title to the Ocean:  
Thinking his Prophet false, and Christ's command  
Was o'er the Seas, but Mahomet's on the Land.  
But the next year, Don John of Austria  
Proved Mahomet a Liar every way;  
And by the loss of Tunez the Turks found,  
Their Prophet could secure, nor Seas nor ground.  
In those brave services our Captiv's lot  
Was to be ta'en, while others Laurel got.  
Not basely ta'en, for John Andraeas' Galley,  
Sailed to the succour (against the proud 
* King of Algiers, & afterwards made admiral of the Turks whole Fleet by Selimus.  Uchally)  
Of Malta's Admiral distressed; there he  
Was Captain, there he showed his company  
A piece of Valour; and alone did leap  
Vnseconded, upon a Barbarous heap  
Of Turks, who fearing our supplies, away  
Sailed from the assault, proud of this single prey.  
Honoured Viedma (glorious in they chains,  
Tugging at the Oar, a most ignoble pains!)  
Doth not disturle thy worthy soul, prepared  
For anything, that's high and also hard.  
But the Goleta, and the Fort, 
* Don john of Austria King Philip's Brother built it.  Don John  
Built for a stop tothth' Turks ambition,  
Lost in thy sight, and Christian blood  
Flowing about the Trenches where it stood.  
Thy Countrymen like dogs interred, and those  
Hardy Commanders did their lives expose;  
Don Pedro De Puerto General,  
And learned and stout Don Pedro o' Argivall:  
Both taken, both the glory of thy Spain,  
Thy heart broke then, to see those in a chain.  
Then slavery was slavish, and their Oars  
More wound thee, than the strokes of Turks and Moors.  
Uchali Fertax the scald Runagate,  
(So was he nicknamed by the Turkish state)  
Died after this defeat, and a third part  
Of all his wealth and slaves, (an Ottoman Art  
Practised along byth' Roman Emperors)  
Went to the Turk, his sure inheritor.  
In that division 
* 〈…〉 a Runnaga●● from Venice, taken prisoner by Vealli, than Pirate, was after his death made King of Algiers.  Azanaga got  
A thousand slaves, and he was of his lot.  
The Kingdom of Algiers the Turk bestowed  
Upon this runnagat; thus honours flowed  
Upon a Catamite, Porus to his Prince,  
A Ship-boy first, and now his Eminence.  
In our new chains and caps, Him and his Peers  
We roed with merry looks unto Argeirs;  
Not for his greatness joyed, but 'cause that Spain  
Was near, and might once more be seen again.  
Which Heaven procured, for unsuccessful we,  
‛ Said often to escape, but 'twould not be.  
But this was providence indeed; a Moor  
Of great account, and of excessive store,  
Lived next the Baths, a place for their best slaves,  
Where hopes of ransom, the poor captive saves  
Amidst these Baths, as at Bethesdas' Pool,  
An Angel did refresh our fainting soul.  
Upon the Prison Battlements, we used  
To walk, and thence our sighs and Prayers transfused  
Tothth' Powers above, observed it seems we were  
From the Moors windows, whence there did appear  
A Cane with something to'●. The Cane did play  
Full upon us, and pointed to our way:  
One of our company did step aside,  
And to our waving Meteor near applied;  
At his approach the blessed Phaenomenon  
Drew in its self, as if it would be gone.  
As he retreated, it again shot forth;  
Then went a Gentleman of noble worth,  
With like success; and so the third; the Cane  
Waved off, and made their hopes and prosers vain.  
Our Captive was the last; who knows (said he)  
Whether this Omen be reserved for me?  
Or whether fortune hath a proud intent,  
To play upon us by some instrument?  
He tried his luck, and the descending Lint  
Fell from the Cane, with ten Zianiys 
* Certain pieces of base gold used among the Moors, and are worth each of them ten Rials of Spanish money.  in't.  
A cross of Canes was then put out; which sign  
Made us of Christian Captive there divine;  
Who pitying our estate, lent these supplies,  
Wishing herself and us quick liberties;  
And after it a glorious hand appears  
So white, that it dismissed all jealous fears.  
Then in the Turkish manner we inclined  
Our heads, in token of a thankful mind.  
This for a time cheered up our hearts, and we  
Nothing omitted of discovery,  
To know the place, from whence our Golden shower  
Descended, but alas it reigned no more!  
A noble Moor Arguimorato cal●'d,  
(And Constable of Pata late installed)  
Lived there, and that was all which we could learn,  
Nor hand, nor Cane, nor Cross could long discern.  
At last our Phosphorus restored the day,  
And chased dull thoughts from our sad hearts away;  
The Cane like to a blazing Star Crinite  
Greater appeared, (but yet did not affright)  
We tried, as once before, whose it might be,  
But it proved only falling star to me.  
I gathered up the Deodate good Gold,  
And a white paper did our bliss enfold,  
Wrote in Arabian tongue, (not understood  
By any of us) so we only showed  
Signs that we'd read it, and the Cross was kissed  
Before her eyes, and that the hand dismissed.  
O now for a secure Interpreter,  
Who might our mystic happiness transfer!  
A Murcian Runagate, one of sure trust,  
And long experience, this unravel must:  
The fellow vowed all faith and secrecy,  
And rendered it in Spanish presently.  
The joyed contents declared that the white hand  
A Christians was, and longed for Christian land.  
Daughter unto the Moor, trained up by one  
(A Christian Captive) in Religion;  
And since her death (for twice she had appeared)  
She charged me be by Lela-Marien steered,  
And she would bring me to her fonne, the God  
That came from Heaven, and there makes his abode.  
She would direct me, she a Husband give,  
With whom I should in shining Goshen live:  
And thou brave Christian, above all the rest,  
Hast made a Conquest of my Virgin breast;  
Thy manly gate, thy presence in thy chains,  
Shunning the blushing shackles and the trains  
Of Captive gallants pacing in thy tread,  
Shows thee a L●ad●r, and no common head;  
Besides thy high erected looks and eyes  
Lift up so oft to Lela Mariens skies,  
Render thee sprung from thence, no humane race;  
Blame me not (Sir) to covet so much grace.  
If thou be free, I like thee of all men,  
Take me, and bless us Lela Marien:  
And for thy chains, and fellows, soon as they  
Can know the ransom, ready is the Pay:  
Be wise and secret (Dear) contriv● it so,  
No Creatures but ourselves the plot may know.  
Aguimorato, if he should descry,  
(As he is made of nought but jealousy)  
we're ruined all; be valiant, close and bold,  
I'll work thy way, though step by step in gold.  
Ala defend thee, and this Holy Cross  
Keep us, our friends, and our good Ship from loss.  
All fortuned well, but till the very day,  
When they prepared to steal Zoraida.  
(So was this glorious Convert called) the Moor  
Came to the God-speed, ere they'd had shipped her o'er,  
Who crying in most hideous manner Thiefs,  
They gagged him straight, and hindered his relieves.  
Father and Daughter now on shipboard are,  
And he unbound and free, did strangely stare,  
Demanding of Zoraida, what this me'nt,  
Whether the Ship, these men, and she were lent?  
The Lady said (Sir) I am Christian turned,  
'Twere better far, thou wert here present burned,  
(Replied the Pagan) and o' th' sudden leaps  
Into the sea, bulged o'er in wat'ry deeps.  
At her request, they hail him up who would  
Have rather perished in the briny flood.  
Not cleaner for his washing, his black ski●n  
Changed not the hue, nor his foul heart within;  
But on himself, his daughter, and us all,  
A thousand curses plenteously let fall:  
And did attempt again the sea; then she  
Desired us, (for she thought it impiety  
To see his ruin) and did all implore,  
To land him on the next convenient shore.  
We did so, and he blest our Ship with gales,  
Like witches, hired to furl up flying sails:  
A thousand Garbs he used, to Heaven to Hell,  
And tore his hair, and on the earth than fell;  
Then rose, and raging, threw into the air  
Curses and stones, and his torn grizly hair.  
It proved unlucky to our Bark; for strait,  
A Pirate of the French surprised our freight,  
And robbed us all; my bright Zoraida  
Lost all her jewels, yet was then most gay:  
We feared our lives, for which there's no man cared,  
If that Zoraidas might be but spared.  
Now more remiss, a Cockboat they will give,  
And charge us strait for Spain, if we will live;  
For the rich booty made them fear; but we  
Had wealth enough in our gained liberty,  
And the fair purchaser: Who smiling, said,  
(Love) Lela Marien still protects a Maid;  
And holy men, that go on honest ends,  
Ala, and all the power above defends.  
Th' Interpreter made known her mind, which struck  
Such courage in the men, they stoutly pluck  
Their beaten Hoy, and in an happy hour  
They all enjoy the long long wished for shore.   

CHAP. XV.  
So many Ladies, and so many Chan●●s,  
Blow up our Don, and fortify his fancies.  
Giant Borachio (or the slain wine bags  
Not paid for yet) augment Don Quixot's brags;  
No longer is mine Host mine Host; he's paid  
In titles, and with offices defrayed.  
The house is changed, the Inn a Castle is,  
Mine Host is Constable, and takes no fees:  
The Don's Controller of the place; but here  
He deigns to play the rusty Harbinger,  
And entertains a justice of grave carriage,  
(But not advanced unto the power of marriage)  
Persuading the Long-Robe-Man, and his daughter,  
(Whom in a Lackeys habit followed after  
Enamoured Lewis) how the Inn was changed,  
And nothing there but Courtly persons ranged.  
Had he been absent with his face uncouth,  
The justice might have well thought it a truth:  
For the grand beauties which at that time met▪  
Might with the glories of Madrid be set,  
And far outshine; But all to Donna Clara  
The judges daughter yield, she's Avis rara.  
But these great persons and their ladies fair,  
Were not unto the justice things so rare  
As Mr Curate's story; which discovers  
Two Brothers to each other, greater lovers  
Than those o'th' place: What joy? what hugs? what tears,  
When that the Captive to be such appears?  
A happy sight! rarely do buff and budge  
Embrace, as do our Soldier and the Judge.  

TEXT.  
YET must there be a place found for Mr justice, who comes in his Coach, etc.] The Spanish Justices were not so far as Matho, who was himself a Coachful; Donna Clara his daughter might sit with him and room enough beside, although riding in his long Gown, and his wide sleeves, he might burnish and swell out beyond the dimensions of a single man. These are the formalities and habits, which gain credit to the persons that wear them, terrify the Country people, and wring out Reverence, Legs, Caps and Capons from them: Take away these embellishments, accoutrements, and investitures, from any order of men, and you leave them as contemptible, poor and naked, as the Crow, or Chaugh despoiled of his borrowed Feathers.  Ex humeris Aulaea Togae. 
Keep the cloth, your Liveries, and your Ceremonies, and they will keep you from vulgar insolences; Round Caps, and obedience to masters went out about a time. Square Caps and Logic, Wigs and Law, winged Gowns and good Divinity, like Astraea, (Mr Justices pretended mistress) flew away together. Worthy was the Policy of the Roman Senators, who being vanquished by the Galli Senones, fled to the Capitol, and there sat in their Patrician Robes, full of gravity and majesty, which struck more awe into the Barbarous Soldiers, than their Ensigns, or their Engines: Insomuch, that they took them for gods at first, until their officers made them plunder them like men. What regard would be given to a Praetor without his trappinged horse, the Gold Chain, and the Cap of maintenance? Even the Beadle of the beggars without his blue Jump, and silver head tipstaff, loses reputation among the boys and vagrants. Upon this very reason it was, that Philosophers of old, and our Modern Divines nourished Beards, (like wand'ring Greeks or Jews) not that they were a jot the wiser for the Bush, but it gained an estimate and reverence. The Spaniards depart not from distinctions of Orders, Garbs, Habits, Punctilios, Ceremonies, Circumstances, and have the reputation of the wisest men in the world. If Mr Justice had come in Querpo, mine Hostess would ne'er have left her lodging for his sake; but now she doth Idolise his broad sleeves, and resigns her own chamber to the long robe, which had not been so well swept in a year as it was with the trailing of his Worship's train.  
To all which the judge was so attentive, as in all his life, he never listened to any cause so attentively as then.] What, not at the Assize Sermon? from which most commonly your Spanish Judges take most of their Charge, and are as much beholding to Mr Curates advisoes from the Pulpit, as he was before to Fonsecas Postils; but here Mr Licentiat showed his art▪ and hath so curtly, succinctly, and concisely Anacephalyzed, Analyzed and Epitomised the long story of the Captive, that if his afternoon Repetitions were with half that pains and method summed up ad populum, they would keep waking the best part of his Auditory after a full meal. 'Tis a good character of a Judge to be attentive to hear ambabus auribus, on both sides, and both sides, (as they say) without interposing or troubling witnesses, or suffering the Council to do it, and so in his instructions to the Jury, to lay open the Law, not his affections to them, which is the cause many times, that those honest men and true, swayed by hints and girds to the par● that his Lordship is offended at, often brings very false and partial verdicts, for which they ought to incur the penalty of fasting, after their delivery up of their opinions, rather than before.  
The Curate took him fast by the other hand, and marched over with both them unto the justice..] Had this been in England now, it had been a wedding; but the Spanish Curates will not easily part with so beneficial a Sacrament, as Matrimony to Lay-Hucksters; Marriage and flesh (being quadragesimal prohibitions, and forbidden in the time of Lent) cum dispensatione, & licentiâ, were very grateful accessaries to a slender Vicarage. Double fees▪ besides eggs and Alicant, with many a Jovial entertainment, are more considerable than petty Tithes, and made the Curate more blithe and bonny, than an Arch-Deacons visitation, where beside the danger of information, he paid for his own dinner, and his visitors. If all hits right, and that this learned contrivance of Mr Curates could work in Zoraidas Inchristianation, with the solemnity and rights belonging to it; and the gaudia magna of her after-marriage with the Captive, to be the reward of this service, (as it deserved it) how soon might he expect a change of his small Vicarage, for uberius beneficium? and admire himself in his long Cassock, broad Hat, and divinity Belt, the advanced creature of the times; nothing being a surer step to preferment, than the joining great persons together in Matrimony, or the Nulling▪  
Don Quixot offered himself to watch and guard the Castle, while they slept.] How proper physic he finds out for a mad man? watching being the only means to tame frenzy, had it been confined to a close room; but this new humour of being grand round to the Castle, makes him more wild than before, and subjects him totally to ' the cold influences of the Moon, which was the Predominant Planet in his Pericranium. Could he not remember what befell him, when upon the entrance of his adventures this vertigo of noctivagation, and watching his Arms, seized him: How dismal was that night's Guardian-ship, wherein was more want of discretion, than sleep, when the Carriers had almost laid him stone dead? and yet the bold and hardy Knight, alone, not as in other adventures attended by Sancho Pancha, (witness and partner of his sufferings) he will react this solitary encounter. Having nothing but the spangled Coverlid of Heaven over him, and poor Rosinant under, whose pains and Tantalizations in this nights round, were more irksome to the beast, than all his other out-ridings, which were ever (though somewhat long first) gratified with the welcome rest of an Inn; but now he is dizzed with the continual circuits of the Stables, which are ever approached, and never entered, beside the unsupportable torment of feeding horses, the noise of grinding the beloved Corn, the smell of hay and litter, (and nothing but the smell and noise of it) which made Rosinant think (if ever his imagination was discovered) that he was in Limbo Equorum, and condemnned with Tantalus Horses to the same flying Provender, and deluding dainties, which should never come nearer than his ears, or eyes.    

CHAP. XVI.  
Dark night invades the Inn, and pleasing sleep,  
With woollen feet on every head doth creep;  
Only our vigilant Don, and young Don Lewis,  
Yield not to Morpheus' wand, that brains bedews;  
Transformed into a Lackey, by love's powers,  
Like a winged Cupid, (hid in various flowers.  
His particoloured suit) he silent flutters  
About his Claras Coach; i'th' night he utters  
His sad complaints in songs and piteous airs  
And tells how love no sex, no person spares,  
Whilst other music (not so soft nor sweet)  
Don Quixot raiseth, playing on his feet,  
Strung up too high; but yet the cord won't break,  
Which puts the screech-owl to a dismal skreak.  
Come see the Don of more than common hope,  
Not Errand now, but pendent in a rope.  

TEXT.  
I Am a Mariner to love.]  

Don Lewis first Sonnet.  

1.  
Run nimble tongue by night,  
And fill her with delight;  
That her deceived ears,  
May think th' obsequious spheres,  
And sweet intelligences,  
Striving to court her senses.   

2.  
Raise thy clear notes so high,  
That labouring birds may die,  
And vanquished Philomela,  
Warble her own last knell;  
Whilst their vain Thrillos' hope,  
With my love-tunes to cope.   

3.  
If that my Clara sleep,  
A pretty murmuring keep,  
In low and solemn strains  
So lullaby her brains,  
That she may trembling dream,  
Her head's in some soft stream.   

4.  
But when she wakes, and finds  
The error of her mind,  
Let such an echo strike  
Her ear, that it may like  
The roused Tarantula,  
Take life from the high key.   

5.  
Having got audience,  
Monopolise her sense;  
And let thy ditties be  
In praise of her and me.  
Until (poor soul) she long,  
To yield up for a song.    
He is no Horseboy (quoth Clara) but a Lord of many Towns. Here were a note now to enlarge upon the power of love; but we have had many examples already, and unum pro cunct is f●ma loquatur opus. In any transformation feigned or true, more could not be seen, then in this gentleman's metamorphosis; who for pure love, was a Spaniel by day, and a Nightingale by night. That his feet run was no small pain to him, but the running of his tongue was no small pleasure to those that heard it, as will appear in his second Sonnet.  

Don Lewis second Sonnet.  

1.  
Though that thy Coach outrun  
The stages of the Sun,  
And through more dreadful ●ignes,  
Thy Charioteer inclines:  
I follow will alone,  
Through cold and torrid Zone.   

2.  
It is no shame for me,  
Thy lackey for to be;  
The Sun himself did run,  
A mistress to have won.  
To run, and speed is praise,  
He lost, yet got the Bays.   

3.  
But if like Daphne thou  
Of changes dost allow,  
Let me transformed be,  
Into thy Axletree,  
Thy Chariot I will run,  
So thou be in't my Sun   

4.  
He doth but lackey it too,  
Who in a Coach doth wo●●;  
And must bareheaded ride  
By his proud Lady's side;  
His pains is not so great,  
Only he waits in state.   

5.  
Those, who upon command  
Of Ladies, leave the land,  
And do strange services  
Their scorncfull dames to please,  
Do run less pleased than I,  
They from the mark, I by●   

6.  
Some think the Stars stand still,  
And that the earth doth wheel:  
Others, th' Heavens run round,  
And fixed is the ground.  
If the world passant be,  
It is no shame for me.   

7.  
Copernicus come try,  
And learned Ptolemy,  
Me and my Clara view,  
And you will prove both true:  
She like the spheres and stars,  
I run like Mines, and Quarres.    
For I know not whence with a vengeance, or by what way this affection which I bear him, got into me.] What the originals of love are, is a hard matter to find, that which first makes impression in the heart or fancy, that's the puzzling quaere: Whether it be the eye, the nose, the speech, the wit, the common voice, or report, that is the first mover? For some love by the ea●e, and affect by story, others by the eye— vis amque cupit, potitur que cupitâ.  
See and like, like and lig: some complain (deceived in their augury) of the nose, as the maiden in the song, others of the eyes; nescio quis 〈◊〉 oculus, etc. I would I had never seen the face of him! those ey●s, those amatory muscles; there's the vengeance on't. O his hearrt-beakers cries another! O that tongue, that beguiling, deluding, enchanting tongue! O that mask! it was there I first fancied his high capering, his nimble footing it, his amorous motions; there was the vengeance on't.  
In short, as matter is inclined to receive forms, wax impression, the air, the light, so naturally, doth the feminine appetite require the Male: But how the— solus hic inflexit sensus.  
How with a vengeance, one particular person more than any other, amongst choice and variety, should only wound and subdue affections, and Dido too; there is the scruple still; there's the vengeance on't. Go to Lily, and he will tell you, 'tis in your stars, there's the vengeance on't. But he doth not prove so true in heats, as colds; and is as much out in the 〈◊〉 venereal, as that of the Sun; and though it be possible, he may prove a sure Directory to a Husband, yet not the stars, but her persuasion in his stars, was the cause of it. Another will have it in the Amatory Atoms, and there's the vengeance on't. The little tiny fiery rarities, when they sympathise in two distinct persons, there's the conjunction; there's the vengeance on't. But the truth is— haeremus sicut ille ad restuxum maris.  
The true cause of the ebbs and tides of our affections are not known to ourselves, and we find out false causes, and attribute to them, what is not theirs, and that's the vengeance on't  
To this point arrived Don Quixot, when the Innekepers' daughter began to call him softly unto her, and said, Sir Knight, etc.] Our Don is now at the hole in the wall; one of the most unfortunate adventures, that ever he undertook upon such presumptuous hopes; where his miscarriage is the more infamous and scandalous; insomuch, as that he is chiaused by two spicket-wenches.  Dux foemina facti. 
Maritornes and her young Mistress, the mats of the house, and lain upon by all comers, are supposed Ladies of the Castle, and play upon our transported Don; who enchanted with his own fancies, is brought into such a noose, that never Knight was, to be hung out against a wall, (not in effigy, which had been disgrace enough) but in persona, corporally exposed to the view of all people. Tom Coriat upon the barrel at Hiddleberg, with his Rummer in his hand was a glorious sight to this, and no way tending to his dishonour; who ever beholding this figure, will not call to mind the story of the abused Judge, whose patient Mule was better than his book to him, and saved him from hanging, by not stirring from the Gallows.  
In the mean time it happened, that one of the Horses whereon they road drew near to smell Rosinante, etc. and scarce had he stirred but a thought from thence, when Don Quixot's f●eet slipped asunder.] The enchantment's over, and the dream of remaining manacled to the window, vanished into a hideous swing, (upon the motions of Rosinante) and new torment. Poor Knight unhorsed, but not alighted, how he hangs, pain and torture, as from Phalaris Bull! Express noise and out-cries from him, more than humane; his voice is all he can trust to now; if his Lungs fail him, the rope will not, which he hoped would sooner break then his voice: had he been rotten, it had been but an arm lost; but fight hardened his flesh, and kept his parts compact together; so that this firmness of body was the increase of his torment. How happy might he have now been, if he had any the least skill in dancing of the ropes, or could have thrown himself heels over head, or cast himself into a hoop, or into the hole whence his Ladyship's bracelet, and the glorious chain was bestowed upon him? But he cannot vault nor skip, nor mount, nor do any thing but raise a note or two higher, which waked the Dogs, which waked the Maids, whó sensible of their roguish cruelty, relent, and at last relax the rope, whereby the Don is once more a Knight of this world; into which he is no sooner dropped, but fresh adventures bury the remembrance of the old ones, and remounted upon Rosinante, he defies all dangers; which were as sure to seize him, as he was sure to provoke them.  
Nothing can hold him, now the rope is broke,  
He will subdue, who late was under yoke.    

CHAP. XVII  
The disguised lackey is found out a Don,  
And by four servants is attended on:  
Discovered, he discovers to his love,  
Unto the judge, and doth so strongly move  
With importunacy and tears, that he  
(Though his deserts plead high) could not deny  
His daughter to his suit, whiles these in love  
Make up the scene; the Don doth tragic prove,  
And Sancho until now not understood  
To be so valiant, bathed the teeth in's blood  
Of saucy Barber, who with head full addle,  
Would unconvert his Pannell from a saddle,  
And with a face most impudent and brazen  
Will swear Mambrinos' Helmet is his Basin;  
And all before the judge in his great sleeves,  
Us if that Sancho and the Don were Thiefs;  
But they do prove them prize, (the matter scanned)  
Taken by strength, and not by s●ight of hand.  

TEXT.  
WHosoever shall dare to affirm that I have not been with just title enchanted, I say that he lies.] A bold provocation to four men; and 'twas four to one but he had paid for his challenge, but the men were in pursuit of another Don Errand, which made them not heed his extravagant words. 'Tis some men's only security, that their tongues are counted no slander. Fools and Mad men, and malcontents, are privileged talkers, and the worst of their language, is either pitied or laughed at. At this tme our Knight under one of those notions, gives the lie (which in Spain, is the word of death) without any check or control; which was a great adventure, and it is therefore noted, that of all his adventures, he came safest off in this, without any reply made, or the words beaten down his throat again.  
Don Quixot was ready to burst with wrath, etc.] Iô triumphs in this bloodless victory, over a Quadrivirate of Mummers, (as he takes them to be) is not concluded with any Epithalamiums, or songs of joy, but contrary, his Bonfires are within, and his bells ring backward; the Don is inflamed, that he can show no spoils, no luggage for Sancho, not a Wallet nor a Pannell to be seen, whereby the monumental Ensigns of so great a daring, (for it cannot well be called a defeat) should be published to the world. In strange disputes with himself our Knight was; what should be done to an enemy that would do nothing? what said to a silent foe? language was unfit for mutes, and action for men of no spirit: Never was Heros so becalmed. The business (the challenge once over) was a dumb show, where the Don swells, looks big, menaces with hand and shaken Javelin, disdains sides noses, claps his own hands, and bounds with Rosinante; the other part shrug, snecze and blurt, neglect, make mouths, and flout in Spanish postures, and so exeunt.  
The man drew him by the arm and said: Truly Don Lewis, the habit that you were in, answers very well your calling.] It had been more modest (Signior Servitore) to have drawn off your young Don's undecent Habits, and accoutred him with better; but you cannot see the Lord for the Lackey. Great Personages lose their reverence with their apparel amongst those, who only esteem their Masters by their ambitious outsides. The Yeoman of the Bottles turns privy counsellor, and is as sage as Seneca adviseth, beyond any Savill, and will turn Master of the Horse, (if the young Lord do not return to himself) and carry him home like a Cloak-bag. But his insolence is suddenly checked, and the slave submits at the sight of the brandished whip; one authoritative word stops him into the cellar, (the Alembick of his spirits) where he only properly commands and draws.  
To this Don Quixot answered very leisurely, and with great gravity. Beautiful Damsel, your Petition cannot preva●le at this time.] What, in the negative to a quarrel? the Adventure-seeker refuse adventures, and incited to it by a Lady, for her Father's rescue, the Constable of the Castle! oppressed by number two; and in a just cause, the maintenance of his Castle! O jupiter Hospitalis! can this apology of the Dons, smell of less than Pusillanimity? is our Hercules, that just now assaulted four, not able contra duos? or what is the cause? doth Valour ebb and flow in valiant breasts? and are they more daring at the ebullition of the blood, or at the circular refluxion? or doth the last cowardice react upon the Challenger? will he be sullen, and not fight the humorous Lieutenant? Is it a drinking day, or a Courting day, and no day of Tournament? none of these; it cannot be. He is engaged, not in actual combat, but potential. His word is his blow; no enemy (till the Giant of Micomicona be encountered) must be admitted; and so mine Host is like to be paid, and have his scores in Capite.  
The Princess did grant him leave very willingly.] Now he is once more licentiatus ad preliandum & vapulandum per totam Hispaniam. What's the matter now? he hath a quarrel, but it is, that they are not Knights, for whom this uproar is, and so intailes the adventure upon his Squire, pares cum paribus. O Don! how mightst thou by this effugium have saved all thy misfortunes? The Yanguesian Carriers, the Goatheards were no Knights, the Windmill and the fulling-mils were not dubbed, and yet thou didst condescend to a beating with some, or all of these: Eare-beaten by the Fulling maces, beaten out of wind by the Windmills, beaten and re-beaten by the Carriers; and why now so staunch? To what purpose didst thou kneel for a Licence, if thou wilt not take the liberty to fight? Certainly (though Cyd Hameti Benengeli doth not discover the reason of this Micropseachy of the Don) it is easily to be conjectured; for the cause of quarrelling, was none payment of the reckoning; a thing which the Don stood to maintain, and so could not without wounding his own Conscience, and breach of practice, be of mine Hosts part; so he prudently stood a neuter, and would have shifted off the business to Sancho Pancha, who for fear of the blanket-encounter, perchance might have engaged as far as a douze or two in the business.  
The Barber presently set upon Sancho, saying, ah sir Thief, have I found you there, with all the furniture, etc.] These are scurvy salutes (Sancho,) and inconsistent with the man, that was in more than hopes of the government of an Island; but Sancho out of hand confutes him, and makes him wash his mouth in blood for his foul aspersions; wishing him hereafter to keep his chaps as clean as his fingers, and save him the labour of opening a vein for the matter. Sancho hoped by this means, to have traverssed an indictment, with an action of battery; but the Barber being blooded in the mouth, was freed from the staggers, and stood stoutly to the claim of the Pannell, and makes bloody hue and cry after him. Insomuch, that Sancho is forced to appeal to the Don; who, finding that his Squire had played the man so notoriously, was more ready to make a Knight of him, than an honest man, and dignify him more than justify him; Which both were equally in his power.  
The very day they robbed me of a new Basin, which was never used, which cost me a crown. Here Don Quixot could not contain.] Like master, like man; the Barber charges both, and now the Court is sat; what will be said in the business, (for Council there is none allowed in point of Felony) was the expectation of every one. Here is evidentia facti, the very Pannell and the Basin, Coram judice. The Barber (pro rege) swears, they were his, and now the two at the Bar will speak for themselves.  

Don Quixot for the Helmet.  
Thou simple animal, thou jobbernole;  
Thy Basins, when that once they hang on Pole,  
Are Helmets straight; true, under chin they are  
Basins indeed, and serve to wash us fair;  
But to the Pole annex your Brazen Basin,  
'Tis not to smug one then, but to amaze one.  
The property is changed; and this brave cover  
No longer is to snap your fingers over.  
For though like Brass it look, 'tis true as Steel;  
Things are not as they seem, but as they feel.  
Didst thou not lose it fairly in the Field?  
When did Campania e'er a Basin yield?  
But 'cause thou wert ignoble, (as I spie-now,)  
I did create it Helmet of Mambrino.   

Sancho for the Pannell.  
If e'er I joyed my wife in smock of Flannel,  
Then this a Saddle is, and not a Panvell.  
Have Panels any pummels ● When you came  
To challenge 't, you were pummeled for the same.  
Twice won; by my Lord once, and once by me,  
(Had it been so,) it can't a Pannell be.  
Appeal unto the judges, let 't be tried here,  
If i● a Pannell be, 'twill shame the Rider;  
Nay when a jury shall empanelled be,  
Both judge and jury ' l give it unto me.     

CHAP. XVIII.  
'Tis put to votes, and as they use to go,  
Saddle and Pannell have both I and No.  
The major part for Saddle did appear,  
And Helmet contra Basin got it clear.  
Whereat a Soldier (though it were the sense  
O'th' house, not his) took villainous offence,  
To see men judge so strangely: But Don Quizzot  
Flew on the man, and sound curried his coat.  
Then unto sides they fell, in this cursed riot,  
Until the Don that made the war, made quiet.  
By a pretended sight of Agramants,  
Translated to the Inn, he dis-inchants  
The present tumult; his feigned relation  
Of higher madness, alleys true passion.  
But when the Trooper served him with his Writ,  
For rescuing slaves, it was not then his wit  
Would serve the turn; alas in sober sadness,  
His plea unto the scroll was real madness.  

TEXT.  
OUR Barber speaking to the other Barber; said, Sir Barber, etc. It is not only not a Barber's Basin, but so far from being one, as white from black.] How easily doth a brother rook a brother, I mean the crafty brother the weaker? it is possible to persuade a credulous coxcomb (having an opinion first of the brother's fidelity) out of his very faith, sense and reason, and create a belief in him, that black is white, and white black; all his understanding being resigned to his opinion and conceit of his confident, he sees with his eyes, hears with his ears, and speaks with his tongue: what blows, arguments, convictions cannot do, that captivated affection presently yields to, and a strong presumption, that such and such were no cheats, hath cozened all that presumed them so. Aruspex aruspicem, dum videt ridet, is true of subtle sirs, long practisers in the art, who make themselves sport at others follies and their own delusions: But our Barber on the place is chiauzed, a very Pigeon, a younger brother, and is caughd like a young Jack Daw, which way soever his Senior in the profession led him.  
Fratrum quoque gratia rara est.  
One Barber wipes another's nose,  
'Tis true, let it be rhyme or prose.  
All of them laughed very heartily, to see Don Ferdinand go up and down gathering of suffrages.] It seems the votes were not viud voce, but in aurem; so that the Collector not being sworn, it was possible, the matter went as it pleased his Lordship. And in most popular assemblies, the business is much carried on, like this of the Pannell and the Basin; where the most potent and affected persons, whisper their own votes into others ears, rather than take or ask theirs. So that the proposition is not at a placet, doth it seem good so? but Place bit, it shall be so.  
Get thee a gracious and a popular man,  
Thy cause shall prosper, be it what it can.  
Let me never enjoy a place in Heaven (quoth the Barber.] The Barber's protestation will not be received, though he desires the forfeiture of Heaven, (a small matter in comparison of a Pannell) upon the failer of it. But certainly he would not have made such an imprecation, if he believed there were any other Poles, than those his Basins hung on, or that the teeth on his strings should ever return to the heads again, from whence he pulled them. But his protestation is plain in Foro soli, that he is cozened of his Basin, which will never come to his Forum Poli; whereby he gives a vale to the Law, as if the Law were in fault, when he should have been angry with the suffragants, or at least hired them each man a dog and a bell to lead 'em home, whose eyes were so bad, they could not distinguish a Basin from a Helmet, or a Pannell from a Saddle.  
Don Quixot spoke in this manner. Here is now no more to be done; let very one take up his own goods, etc.] Those he means, which his friends had voted him, and so omnia benè: He is satisfied, they are his own, though he knew he stole them. How grateful, and how pious, and above all, how careful he is, against any review of the verdict, desiring Peter's bl●ssing, though he had but newly robbed Paul. So cunningly, or profanely rather, he attributes all his successes to Heaven, though he went to the Devil for the purchase. On the other side, the malcontent Barber, goes grumbling away, with his Might overcomes Right, cries out of bribery, partiality, and friends in Court. Both calling upon Peter, the one for a vengeance, the other for a benediction.  
In the midst of this Chaos and confusion of things Don Quixot began to imagine that he was plunged in the discord of Knight Agramants Campe.]  Facibus extinguis faces. 
He holds the Sun to the Candle, cries fire, fire, and fetches all the company from a Bonfire; sounds a Trumpet, and brings all the people out of the Church. Some new, high, and unheard of lie, presently sil●nceth a known truth, as a Romance a true story. The news of a great Giant, the talk of Taxes, a report of foreign war, all differences at home. The trick of amuzing, is none of the worst in the pack: The Don's Policy is not to be slighted, who to avoid his own, and his friends instant confusion, proclaims a worse coming; which while every one desires to hear, and fears will ensue, the private constellation falls, and every one is providing against the public; not a Cobbler nor a weaver, but upon such an alarm, shall be as wise as Agramant and Sobrino.  
But the enemy of concord, and adversary of peace, etc.] Here the Don is worse put to it, (who may justify his supposed Enchantments to be true) if the Devil were his enemy, as the Text hints. But as our english Proverb hath it, the Devil on'd him a shame, and though his Ill-favoured face was not easily to be intincted with a blush, whereby the Officer might have discovered his guilt, yet the description in his paper agreeing to those of his favour, brought him very near within the compass of another English Proverb. What evasion will he find against this warrant, for rescuing the slaves? This is the worst enchantment that came yet.  
For the King and the holy Brotherhood, They two together-are too strong fora Knight-Errant I fear.  
Don Quixot lauged to hear them speak so idle, etc.]  servetur ad Imum 
Quod pede processit. It was high time to speak idler than they, or they had done their business. He doth now more than act jeronymo; 'tis the best way to be out of his wits, stark mad, be a Bedlam, rather than a Bandits, be above or below the Law, that he may not come under the lash. He tells them therefore, their Writ is false, 'tis error personae, not directed to attach a Knight-Errant, or had it been so, 'twas error Legis or judicis, who knew not that generalia non includunt privilegiatos. Warrants for Vagrants are not extendable to Knight-Errants, who ever demand an exeat Regno; but have and hold by de forresta Charta, of their own; do as they list, live as they list, pay what they list, and say what they list: They are only men of the Lists. By these and other evident demonstrations, the Officer was satisfied of his frenzy, which was a super sedeas to the Writ, and a discharge for his fees.    

CHAP. XIX.  
Here's peace indeed; what spoils and warre-ta●ne prizes  
Brought to a jury, and to stand the Assizes?  
Look on the Articles, if there be found  
A tittle of that crabbed word, Compound.  
Had it been tried at Barber Chirurgeons Hall,  
(No loss of blood proved) we had had it all.  
Pox of that filthy fellow Cicero,  
His unjust peace is still preserved so.  
Sancho for quietness doth strait refund;  
Exchanging Panels, he the robbery shunned.  
And Ryals eight being numbered, in good reason,  
The Barber must make livery and seisin  
Of his cracked Basin, to the crack brained Knight;  
Who by the flaw, might challenge it his right.  
Once more 'tis peace; and now the Don renews  
His suit unto the Queen, that she would lose  
No longer time, but forthwith come and mount her,  
And post away to her own encounter.  
Sancho the peaking rogue, here and their peeping,  
Had spied Don Ferdinand and the Queen clipping;  
And tells Don Quixot all before their faces,  
(But they nothing ashamed of those disgraces)  
Baffle out Sancho's frivolous surmises,  
And salve it all with a deceptio visus.  
But now the plot, (whatsoever forth is given)  
How to get Quixot to his, home is driven:  
And driven it was, for with a Teem of Oxen,  
And in a Cage with bars and double locks on,  
The Knight that thought, the world to have wandered over,  
Is whistled home by a Manchegan Drover.  

TEXT.  
FInally, they (as the Officers of justice) did mediate the cause.] The Soldier hath it now; and his word is a statute: Or change Panels Sancho, or the Troopers will make great Saddles of them both. What, can't you agree without calling in the Lion to decide the difference? Beware of the Kite, chicken. What though the Don without wits or money escape? 'twill not be so here, where any thing is to be had; either agree quickly and lovingly, or both titles are lost. They do understand the necessity of compliance, and wisely submit to the Snaphances and Swords, which are the nimblest Arbitrators that can be, and in an instant evidence the right. There's no demurs here, nor Writs of error, but sudden wit is best; save somewhat if you will, or be sure to lose all.  
All was quietly ended by the Curate, and Don Ferdinand paid the whole sum.] Here began Don Quixot's and Sancho's Jubilee, until the word all's paid was past, the greatest adventure was how to get away; talk what they would of Giants and Castles, the reckoning was the chief danger of them, wherein Rosinante and the Ass lay by it; the perpetual bail and security for their Masters; which put Sancho no doubt to many foot-adventures, and finger-tryals, for leaves from hedges, and Kitching Physic, brass pots and shirts, to cure the swelling of his Ass' head: But now salva res est. The Golden Age is returned, Don Ferdinand raines Gold and silver together, and in spite of the Poet, hospes ab Hospite Tutus.  
They defy their Landlord, and his assistants, the Brotherhood; what they drank in fear, is digested in joy.  Undè habeat quaerat nemo, sed oportet habere. 
The poor must eat, and pray for Benefactors. But at this time, the best company was best cheap, and fortune threw the Knight and his Squire into the society of Lords and Ladies, and not among Carriers, where he had always sour sauce to his sweet meats, if they were so.  
It is a common Proverb, (beautiful Lady) that Diligence is the mother of good hap.] Secure of the Innkeeper, the Knight is forthwith for another Castle and Sconces which he built, not razed. In Andalusia, he is famous enough, and too well known; He will instantly remove his quarters to Micomicona, which being an Egyptian Country, he and his Squire might Plunder in infinitum. Diligence is the mother of good hap, was his Motto, and very necessary for one of that profession. Which Proverb in all his and his Squires actions was closely followed. Sudden, quick and nimble motions did always prove beneficial to them. The Basin, Pannell, Portmantle, all of them the fruits of activity, got by surprisal, and kept by retreats and retire into the inaccessible parts of Morena. In just fights he never lost more than in sallies; his ear and cheek-tooth (wheresoever they are) are the monuments of his ill success in set battles: wherefore now he wisely incites the Queen to set upon the Giant, and fall into his quarters, before he makes an irresistible preparation.  
Dorothea blushed at Sancho's words, for it was true indeed, etc.] What an Infidel is this Sancho; a sworn servant to the Queen, and betrays her; reveals the secrets of the house, tells tales out of doors; and all for a kiss of a young Lord, and that her husband too. (Rude Rogue) and very unfit to be admitted amongst great ones, who cannot keep his tongue in his head; had it been worse, it should have out. But the innocent Lady blushed, that forgetting the part of a Queen, she should be discovered playing the wife; a thing more justifiable then used, for it is out of fashion, and Country like, to own a wife in public, or show any glances of affections, for fear of being accounted amorous and uxorious, which is more matter for a blush then this in the Text.  
Therefore we must believe (Sir Knight of the sad face) all things are represented, and succeed by way of Enchantments.]  Argumentum ad hominem. 
When Maritornes and his Errant-ship were embracing, until the disappointed Carrier uncoupled them, 'twas an Enchantment. So Sancho likewise, (however uncharitable in his censure now, or not sensible of the witchcraft) was no doubt, under the power of a charm, when the foresaid Maritornes laid her Posteriors to his Priors, hoping to have raised a Novum Organum from the Conjunction. Nothing more frequent, than this sort of Enchantments, which if the discoverers should take for real matters, it were enough to set people together by the ears. Visions therefore and appearances, let those things be, which seen, should not have been seen, deprendi miserum est. Spies and Sentries, as they see sometimes too little, sometimes may see too much, and full of the fancy and hopes for which they are set, may dream they find that which they wish to find: 'Tis better to say there is fallacy and uncertainty in the object, then prove ourselves deceived, by reporting what we cannot justify, or must not. So unfortunate was this discovery of Sancho, that he is forced to renounce his own eyes, and to acknowledge himself only compos mentis in the adventure of the Blanket.  
They made a thing like a Cage, so big, as that Don Quixot might sit, or lie at his ease, and presently, etc.] This is the last enchantment of this Castle, and though it be a wooden one, yet it holds and serves their design, as well as the Trojan Horse. By this they enter the Mancha, and bring home the long-looked for Lord of the place to his ancient house and seat, nor need it be accounted a dishonourable lodge, it being the legal house of entertainment for all Knight-Errants, who having no manors of their own, and always in a moving condition, are provided for in all Corporations, Tithings, and Wapentakes, according to the exigent of their travels, in these movable receptacles, for a night or two at the public charge.  
They presently mount him upon their shoulders, and as they issued out of the chamber door, they heard a dreadful voice.]  

The Barber's speech.  
Let it not grieve our Knight, nor let him rage  
Like Bajazet, to see himself in Cage;  
Or e'er attemp to dash his slender brains  
Against the bars, for he will lose his pains:  
Reserved in this, not mocked nor made a show,  
The fates secure thee from a greater blow.  
Think not (grim Sir) your close condition worse  
Than those bold Greeks, engarrisoned in a horse;  
Whatsoever you think of it, your riding now  
Looks like Ulysses in his state at Plough:  
And when your Sinon shall unpinne the bars,  
You shall return, first to love, than wars.  
Let thy Dulcinea see thee in this pickle,  
And she will swear, thou'rt stable now, not fickle.  
Were she the Queen of Egypt, as her shape is  
Egyptian right, she'd take thee for her Apis.  
Let thy Manchegan friends about thee dance,  
Wondering to see thee in such state advance.  
Slowly proceed, and this grand luggage carry  
In pomp, to his Tobosian Dromedary;  
That those that love hath joined, be never parted,  
Let him the Cage enjoy, let her be Carted.   

Don Quixot to the disguised Barber.  
O thou unridler of my mystic Fates!  
(Which rubb'st the sense into my musty pate,  
Of future passages) when I shall see  
The great effects of this deep Prophecy:  
In honour of thy high Auguriall art,  
To thee I'll dedicate this Cage, this Cart.  
soothsayers we have store, but sooth to say,  
None do reward them, as I mean to pay.  
In this you shall of flight, of birds divine,  
(The birds will fly about thee when 'tis thine.)  
And as unto an Altar on this Cart,  
we'll offer up Beasts liver, and Beasts heart.  
But if Lucina my Dulcinea helps,  
I have designed for thee, one of her whelps,  
Who following thy advice, (though silly  
At first) in time may prove a whelp of Lilly.  
Nor am I troubled at my strange abode,  
The Woods have deities; Woden's a god;  
Forests were my delight, this but a chop is,  
I have exchanged a Forest for a Coppice.  
Say, that the stout Manchega● Lion, when  
HE had preyed upon the world, couched in this den.  
And thou (good Squire) admirer of my Cave,  
Think not I'll lay bones here, as a grave;  
Or that I go tothth' fields Elysian,  
The beer or bearers (man) are vision.  
Be not thou wood too, nor a jot enraged,  
It is enough that one of us' incaged:  
Nor are we now less than ever warriors,  
Embroiled as heretofore amongst Carrier's.     

CHAP. XX.  
Our Don's unsatisfied, it seems i' th' cage,  
Until he heard it was the wooden Age,  
Where all things are debased; as when the Log●  
By Jove were sent, to Lord it over Frogs:  
Cudgels instead of swords, and basket ●ilts  
Are now in use; and Castles scaled with stilts.  
Enchantments are enchanted; Belzebub  
Acts not as heretofore, but in a tub.  
Cooper's are Nigromancers, spirits stoop;  
Content to be encircled in a hoop;  
Nay, Cerberus, that direful Stygian dog,  
Tamely submits unto a wooden clog.  
Why then drive on says Don; Let Orpheus play▪  
And make our Teem go merrily on the way.  
It moves, it moves, the Car with Oxen ●ix,  
And in't the Cage, i'th' Cage, the great Don Quix▪  
On each side Troupers two, as if they did  
Convoy the Indian Plate unto Madrid.  
Behind dispannelled Sancho road, alas!  
Sad at the sight, and only joyed in's Ass.  
And in his hand, now master of the horse,  
(As if't had been attending on a Coarse)  
He led, with Target tricked, and Baso● dainty  
On each side of his Saddle, Rosinante.  
The Country all came forth, men, women kind;  
And as he was of a most courteous mind,  
The Don waved to and fro his filthy face;  
'Twas all the Favour he could show t'th ' place.  
Had amongst us been acted this prime jest,  
We should have sworn in troth, we had seen the Beast.  

TEXT.  
BUT I never read, saw, nor heard, that they were wont to carry Knights-Errant enchanted after this manner.] Indeed it was something barbarous, and below the condition of so meritorious a Knight; and but that fortune had an intent to example him as much for his sufferings, as his acting great things, this wooden entertainment must needs have appeared very dishonourable: But he reflected upon the times, (when he undertook to raise up the almost-perished name of Chivalry) which were turned topsie turvy; all gallantry (except what was happily reserved in his noble breast) extinct, and vanished. Wise men, Magicians, and the like very poo●, men of Honour, and such as used to cherish great undertakers, vilip●nded, and almost brought to naught. Courts, Palaces, and great seats, stages, (where actions of this Nature were celebrated) all demolished, and turned into Tenements. All things reduced unto so sad and miserable condition, that the Laplanders let winds upon Tick, Fortune tellers and Gypsies expound for bread and cheese; Mathematicians and Almanac-makers, are forced to eat their own prognostics, and the Devil himself lend at six and six month's time, without interest. Witches are confined in their night rambles, to egg shells, and Hell affords nothing but an Ignis Fat●us, an exhalation, and Gillion a burnt tail, or Will with the wisp. No● a Dragon, nor a flying Horse, nor a fiery Chariot, nothing high and wonderful, comes out in these levelling times. It is well that a wooden Enchantment may be had, so great have the wastes of late been, that the Gallows complains for want of reparation; and Charta de Forresta humbly shows, that her depopulations are so vast, that they will leave her neither root nor branch.  
One may feel half a league off the Amber this Devil smells of.] Sancho had found out an incarnate Devil amongst these disguised Porters of the Don, and as the Don in place where found out by the infallible smell, that Sancho was a man; so here he might have by his nose discovered Lord Ferdinand to be no Devil; the Devil is said to be the Prince of the air, but of the worst, that is, his usual cheats being by fogs, mists, and filthy vapours, show very well that he is no friend to the Milliner, and loves no powder, but that of the Gun.  
To whom Don Quixot said, good Ladies do not weep.] It was a needless prohibition; for they did but say they wept; tears of laughter they had shed many upon him, and now (if any were visible) they proceeded from the same cause. Nay two of these mourners, when the Don roared and made out-cries, able to have pierced the heart of a Savage, were at laugh and lie down, and made sport with his miseries. Ploratur lachrymis amissa pecunia veris. Had the Knight made an escape, and avoided the score, than they would have out-houled an Irish Wolf; but secure of the reckoning, the joyful departure of their suspected guest, raised this merry shower in their eyes. His happy journey from them 'tis believed they heartily wished, but not a Bead dropped for his return. Go and welcome, a Spanish Proverb, for an indigent Traveller, and we have as good; Your room is better than your company. The Don was (though many times insolvent) always thankful, and would know the house again; a Compliment that might have been spared, unless he came with his temporal and spiritual stewards, the Lord Ferdinand and the Curate.  
The Innkeeper came also, and gave the Curate certain Papers.] The drawers courtesy to the Prince was more gentile, though it were but a paper of Sugar; but if mine Host were hidebound, it was excusable; for since Don Quixot frequented the house, he was never without swaths, fillers, plasters, and armestals; so that he looked more like a brother of some Hosptall, than the keeper of an Inn. It was no doubt no small comfort to him, to see the Author of his manifold misfortunes thus ingloriously riding from his house, and so hampered that it was impossible for him to play any more mad pranks: The Blanket and the Cage being the sweet revenges for Sancho's and his master's injuries.  
Truly brother, I am better acquainted with books of Chivalry, then Villapandas Logic.] This Canon of Toledo, was rather for Toledo blades, and the Canon of the Field, than Church; without question preferred for writing or reading Romances rather than Postils to the Countess his Patroness; which services find sooner rewards, than those of the Service-Book. This fellow was never counted a mere scholar, never so bookish, as to break his rest, or his brains about his study. Pleasant discourses pleased better than school divinity, and a Legend, than a Homily, he hath attained to the top of his desires, and scarce saluted jack Seton or Ramus, nor his own Villapanda; Swarez and Vasquez are names he never heard of. He leaped over Logic, and the Metaphysics he never came near, however it was his good chance that he proved a Preacher, though no Scholar, yet for the books he was most conversant in, his accounts are very good, and argues a great proficiency, having proceeded from Garagantua to Gusman, and now as the crown of all ending in Quixot.  
Mr Barber, you should take heed how you speak, for all consists not in trimming of Beards, etc.] Sancho begins to be undeceived, and the imposturage will no longer last, nothing is more violent than abused simplicity, when it once discovers the cheat; True Sancho, Beards are but bushes, and good wine needs none; cofeners go, masked and in Vizards: But old time will pluck off those disguises, and render every thing in its own likeness. He is very pressing upon Mr Curate also, who had a main hand in these persuasions, and by whose authority and credit, the whole design was brought about, and leaves the matter to his Conscience, which he hopes will perplex him one day, as much as his delusions have confounded them; and for his confederate the Barber, the forge of this Enchantment, he wishes the next generation may be Eunuches; that there may not be a Beard to turn up, or a good face to wash, as long as the world stood. So indignly did Sancho take these affronts, that in despite to the Curate, he was resolved to splay his sows at his return, that he might never have tithe in kind any more.  
Verily Mr Curate, I do find by experience, that books of Chivalry are very prejudicial to well governed Commonwealths.] Mr Canon in this discourse seems to weaken the credit and use of writings of this nature, and to prefer and commend Aesop's Fables, and Alciats Emblems, wherein the Moral may be for instruction, though the story be of a Cock and a Bull; but it is not unknown that this age hath more abounded with Romances then any other, upon what reason is not hard to conjecture; and yet no man dare say, but here is a well governed Commonwealth; but what prejudice I pray, when the subjects are known to be fabulous and figments? no man's faith is beguiled, nor any persuaded to believe them as a truth; rather on the contrary, where the minds of the vulgar are not busied in some such pleasant arguments, they fall upon matters which less concern them, and become troublesome Judges of the State and Church wherein they live; wherefore it hath been accounted great policy to divert those men's fancies, by licensing Plays, sports, and divers recreations from businesses above their capacity, and not of common ventilation. For want of these chimaeras, (which had no more harm in them, than their impossibility) real phantasms, and strong delusions have succeeded and possessed not a few, who transported with their own imaginations, do not write Romances, but act them, and fill the world with substantial Tragaedies.    

CHAP. XXI.  
The Canon and the Curate find out ways,  
To make Romances good, and write good plays,  
Such as may edify; such I have seen  
Of holy subjects, and with Psalms between  
The Acts of Dives and of Lazarus;  
Of Hester good, and great A●asheverus:  
Which now, through Poet's vanity and sloth,  
Are seen in Puppet plays, or painted cloth;  
The stage reformed (as they say 'tis thought on)  
Time may be spent there well, as reading Broughton.  
No fools with Harry Codpieces appear,  
Nor Soldiers suffered in their parts to swear:  
No Lady vitiated o'th' stage before us,  
But let Susanna's bathing be by Chorus;  
And so alike for books, let nought be written,  
That may give scandal, and is unbefitting.  
But as sly Sancho politicly found  
His master to be loose i'th' hilts, (though bound)  
So let the matter of the books and stage,  
Be cleanly kept, as was Don Quixot's Cage.  

TEXT.  
BOth the Authors that compose them, and Actors that represent them, must be such as they be, for to please the people's humours.] It was an old one, and before this critical observation said, Populo ut placerent, quas fecisset fabulas. Nay in their Amphitheatricall gladiatures, the lives of captives lay at the mercy of the Vulgar.  
& verso policy vulgi,  
Quemlibet occidunt populariter.  
And although the only Laureate of our stage (having composed a Play of excellent worth, but not of equal applause) fell down upon his knees, and gave thanks, that he had transcended the capacity of the vulgar; yet his protestation against their ignorance, was not sufficient to vindicate the misapplication of the argument; for the judicious part of that Auditory condemned it equally with those that did not understand it, and though the Comedy wanted not its prodesse, & delectare,  
Had it been exhibited to a scholastic confluence; yet men come not to study at a Playhouse, but love such expressions and passages, which with ease insinuate themselves into their capacities. Lingua, that learned Comedy of the contention betwixt the five senses for the superiority, is not to be prostituted to the common stage, but is only proper for an Academy; to them bring jack Drumm's entertainment, Green's tu quoque, the Devil of Edmonton, and the like; or if it be on Holy days, when Sailors, Watermens, Shoemakers, Butchers and Apprentices are at leisure, than it is good policy to amaze those violent spirits, with some tearing Tragedy full of fights and skirmishes: As the Guelphs and Guiblins, Greeks and Trojans, or the three London Apprentices, which commonly ends in six acts, the spectators frequently mounting the stage, and making a more bloody Catastrophe amongst themselves, than the Players did. I have known upon one of these Festivals, but especially at Shrovetide, where the Players have been appointed, notwithstanding their bills to the contrary, to act what the major part of the company had a mind to; sometimes Tamerlane, sometimes jugurth, sometimes the Jew of Malta, and sometimes parts of all these, and at last, none of the three taking, they were forced to undress and put off their Tragic habits, and conclude the day with the merry milkmaids. And unless this were done, and the popular humour satisfied, as sometimes it so fortuned, that the Players were refractory; the Benches, the tiles, the laths, the stones, Oranges, Apples, Nuts, flew about most liberally, and as there were Mechanics of all professions, who fell every one to his own trade, and dissolved a house in an instant, and made a ruin of a stately Fabric. It was not then the most mimical nor fight man, Fowler, nor Andrew Cane could pacify; Prologues nor Epilogues would prevail; the Devil and the fool were quite out of favour. Nothing but noise and tumult fills the house, until a cog take 'em, and then to the Bawdy houses, and reform them; and instantly to the Banks side, where the poor Bears must conclude the riot, and fight twenty dogs at a time beside the Butchers, which sometimes fell into the service; this performed, and the Horse and Jack-an-Apes for a jig, they had sport enough that day for nothing.  
Those that are now exhibited, are mirrors of vanity, patterns of folly, and Images of voluptuousness.] The Spanish stage indeed, as well as the French and English, have been much corrupted, partly through the effeminacy of the times, but chiefly by unskilful Authors; for, the French are so obscene, that Aretine's pictures may be represented without any offence; beside their loose and apish gestures render them very ridiculous, and the permission of women, personally to act, doth very much enervate the Auditory, and teacheth lust, while they would but feign it. The Spanish scene is much of it Legend, or some fictions upon Heretics, and as they did render their persons and visages to be most horrid, odious, and inhuman, to the People of their Country, so they never bring any of these sects upon the stage, but they have a Hell, furies, and strange torments provided for them. But it fell out once, that at the representation of such a Tragi-Comaedy before some strangers, not Roman Catholics, the Judicatory of Cardinals, Friars and Jesuits, (who were to condemn the Heretic party to Tophet) being very burdensome, broke the judgement seat, and fell all into Hell before they had arraigned the schismatics, as they call them, which caused such a laughter amongst the Gentlemen of the contrary opinion, that their mirth proved almost matter for the Inquisition; nor are the incongruities and absurdities of our own stage any less or more excusable, it being a long time used to historical arguments, which could not be dispatched but by Chorus, or the descending of some god, or a Magician: As in the plays of Bungy, Bacon, and Vandarmast, the three great Negromancers, Dr Faustus, Chinon of England, and the like. Every act being supported by some long narrative, which was the Apology for the soloecisticall appearances of children, become men in an instant, within the space of two musics, infants, and great Commanders: and sometimes without any regard to the credit of their Histories) as in the play of Adam and Eve) the good grandam is brought in with two or three waiting maids attending her, and in Paradise too, when there were but two in all the world. So at Madrid in the divine Comaedies; Saint john the Baptist is presented with a Cross triumphant in his hand, before his Master's passion, many a year. And in the Tragedy of Babel, an interpreter of the several confusions of tongues, when one man could not tell what another said. And so in their shows of the lives of Saints, St Francis is brought in pulling the Devil by the nose, which was the miracle of St Dunstan's tongs; and the Lady Mary is robbed of many of her own actions, which now are celebrated for the Lady of Lorettos, St Winn, St Bridget, and the Virgin Martyr.  
All which inconvenicenes might be redressed, if there were some understanding, and discreet person ordained at Court.] An Inigo jones for scenes, and a Ben johnson for Plays, would have wrought great cures upon the stage, and it was so well reformed in England, and grown to that height of Language, and gravity of stile, dependency of parts, possibility of plot, compass of time, and fullness of wit, that it was not any where to be equalled; nor are the contrivers ashamed to permit their plays (as they were acted) to the public censure, where they stand firm, and are read with as much satisfaction, as when presented on the stage, they were with applause and honour. Indeed their names now may very well be changed & called the works not Plays of johnson, Beaumond and Fletcher, Cartwright, and the rest, which are survivers of the stage; that having fallen, not into Court-Reformers, but more severe correctors, who knowing not how to amend or repair, have plucked all down, and left themselves the only spectacle of their times.  
Have you not had a desire to do that which cannot be done?] Sancho is turned Pisse-Prophet, and will prove his Master not Enchanted by his Urine, not from the colour, but emission; and no doubt he was as skilful in the other excrement, but his argument doth not hold as to madness and incantations, in which the natural operations do not cease, but the rational and voluntary; as may appear by the scents of Bedlam, and the receptacles of distracted people; whither I refer the unsatisfied in this point. Ingestions and egestions, more or less, are common to all people, and as for the Don, it was impossible but he must have had many motions, (before the starting of this question) by reason of the continual joggings of the Cart, which is very provoking, both to Urine and siege, and happily Sancho following close to the Cage, must smell out the condition his master was in, and therefore cunningly puts the question in the Dieureticall instance, which was not so evident, and so bewrays all the whole business. And though hence he cannot enfeeble the Don's reason for his Enchantment, yet he doth absolutely conclude, that he is in a woeful pickle, and it necessarily followed, that the Cage must be undone, or the Don.    

CHAP. XXII.  
Just as imprisoned winds, when once broke forth,  
One against the other raiseth, East, West, North,  
And dripping South: So doth the Don let lose  
His prisoners, which too long had been kept close.  
The whistling, rattling thundering and bombizing,  
All at intestine wars, in one Horizon;  
(Which vexed the Knight unto the guts) till set  
At liberty, they poison all they met.  
Another purge the Canon administers,  
Hoping by reason, and his learned clysters  
To bring those vapours from his head; but reason  
Against Romances still was out of season.  
" To burn his Library it was in vain,  
" Or carry him to the Mancha back again,  
" Unless you first took out, and washed his brain,  
" In this pat time, now th' moon and he's i'th' Wain.  

TEXT.  
BUT those that have a desire to eat meat when they can get it, and drink when it is given them, etc.] Besides the present necessities the Don lay under, (which by the often drawing in of his breath, twisting his legs, and more ill favoured faces then ordinary, gave Sancho, to perceive his condition very ●icturient, and cacaturient.) He glances at the common wants of the erratic function, which was extreme want of necessaries, unto which the Knights were so accustomed and habituated, that one famine would hardly famish them; (they being most dangerous fellows at a siege, and able to hold out without the ordinary means of sustentation) yet as appears in the Text, not men so obstinate and refractory, that they despised or refused the helps of Nature, and supplies of their preservation, but they were hardy, patient of hunger and thirst, not troubled with canine appetites, or the wolf in their stomaches, having no set-meales, nor belly-clock, but eating, and drinking as often as provisions presented themselves, so that diet was a casual thing, and an accessary to their lives, who were bred in Parthian education, and had nothing until they could catch it: So that Incantation could not properly be applied unto them, but a discommuning, and frequent interdiction of the creature.  
For if they did not free him, or got further off, he protested that he could not forbear to offend their noses.] Fair warning, Guarda voauz. He summons their olfactive forces before he will storm, and desires them to an honourable surrender, rather than to stand the hazard of so desperate a charge. His ammunition and artillery was ready, Colon mounted, and infinite of small shot provided for execution; which through any of the breaches in the Cage, would fall foul amongst them. Hostages taken, conditions agreed, the Don is disincaged.  
The first thing he did, he went toward Rosinante, and twice or thrice striking him on the Buttocks, he said,]  
Although my inward pangs, and deadly gut●croaks,  
Solicit the disrobing of my buttocks;  
I cannot pass by these (O beast reputed  
Above Bucephalus) flanks unsaluted.  
Idaea of all horses, Model of coursers.  
(Pray Heaven I ne'er am forced to stride a worse!)  
Nor Cyllarus his star, nor in the Wain  
Of Charles, or Sun, is such a horse again.  
Nor Pers●●s horse, which people say is flying,  
Flies like to this, (if any dangers nigh him.)  
Nor any horse under so sure command,  
As Rosinante, for a constant stand.  
Squire let him lose, or leave him to the Carter,  
And help t' untruss, I'm sure 〈◊〉 is no starter.  
Whom if I once bestride again, I'll on,  
Though I come off like sunne-burnt Phaeton.  
He said gentleman, is it possible, that the idle and unsavoury Lecture of books of Knighthood hath so much distracted your wit, as thus to believe.] It is not Don Quixot's luck alone, to pin a belief on the credit and authority of other men; for should he have presently replied, upon what grounds or proof, do you Mr Canon justify the numerous fardel of your Legends, and the strange miracles done in them; when you are not certain, that ever such persons were in the world? nor are there any witnesses of the wonders said to be performed by them? you fly to an Implicit faith in the Church, or authors of them, nor would you willingly have their auditors or converts question the truth of those (otherwise suspected stories) which you have made yourselves first believe, and then your disciples; the Catalogue of the saints, far exceeding the Ephemerideses of Knight-Errants, and their actions are as far incredible, as any of Amideses of Gaul, or Greece, beside the infinite number of relics, Baptists-heads, pieces of the Cross, and nails, to sustain which, not joseph of Airmathaea, nor A●las shoulders are sufficient: As for the Cross, it is believed to be but one piece of timber, (nor would the Jews, who did all in disgrace of the blessed Patient) make it of the best wood; and yet you shall find many crucibles, (which we confide were snattocks of that very Cross) to be of Cedar some, some of Juniper, some of Cypress, some of Lignum vitae, the type being Lignum mortis. And whereas the nails were but four or five, which were first canonised, Hannibal had not more rings at the battle of Cannae, than we can show nails of all sorts and sizes, and so many Napkins, that it will require a society of Linen-drapers to furnish us with the Nappery: I desire but fair play, that the Authors of my books, may be believed to be the Authors of what they wrote, as well as yours; which granted, can you imagine that men of their name and antiquity, would spend so much time and study, in composing lies and putting cheats upon the readers. You, when all's done, can palliate your obtrusions upon the people, with a Piae frauds, or Apocryphae fabulae, which though they are not fundamental truths, yet they are inservient, moral, and significative helps to the end you aim at, and all is salved.  
See what wit is there in the world, that can induce another to believe, that the History of Guy of Burgundy, and the Princess of Florence was not true.] No doubt as true every tittle, as that of Guy of Warwick and the Boar, and the great defeats of the Giant Colybrand, whose statues are in brass, cast in Swethland, and the cuts of them this day to be seen in the books; so likewise men may, if they be disposed to be merry, seem to discredit the stories of Bevis of Southampton, john a-Green, and Robin Hood; but that the Cities wherein these men sometimes were famous in their Hals, and public meeting places, in painted cloth or frames, present the lively Histories still unto posterity, and the signs of St George, in every Town, almost of England, convinces all men of the certainty of such a person, and his famous acts, and since the defeat of that strange Dragon, which was then pregnant, and so was slain, her and her issue, there hath not a Dragon been heard of in the Country; as there are no spiders in Ireland, ever since St Patrick caught a Spider upon his face, and anathematised them all into England, which furnished the whole Land with Cobweb-Lawn, until this day. Nor are the works of jaques of Spain less credited, who by his holy life and prayer effected, that the universal Monarchy should be in times to come, settled in the Austrian family, about the days, when the Indians should be converted to their Religion, and a protuberancy of the lip should be the certain sign of the true heir to the Crown; that Oranges, Lemons, and Malaga Reisins, should breed as good blood, as Beef, Veal or Mutton, and that the Knight-Errants of Iberia, should be fortified to live without meat or sauce for many days. It may as well be denied, that Duke D' Alva's face is not to be seen on Juggepots in Holland, or Father Garnets' in straw in England, or Monsieur D' Anchors privities in all Taverns in France; whosoever shall go about to overthrow the verity of these books of Errantry, will find himself an endless piece of labour, they having so many champions to defend them; the world swarms with men of this profession, who under the notion of relieving the oppressed, advance themselves highly in their times. Pity it is, that Chronologers have taken no more notice of them, which is the chief cause, that we can but guess, and that uncerteinly too, in what age these heroical spirits ever flourished. Plutarch's lives, Luciant Fables, Valerius, Commines, Fox, Stow, Holinshed, would be of no account, and scarce bought, if some good Antiquary would but yet make it his business, (and i● would be work enough) to derive the History of these gallant men, from the Knights of the Golden Fleece, unto the Knight of the Ill-favoured Face.    

CHAP. XXIII.  
As we prove Ballads true, Don takes the hint,  
And justifies Romances, cause in print.  
If it be licenc'd it is true, although  
A book may lie cum Privilegio.  
'Tis a lie licenc'd, and made fit for sale,  
And Caveat Emptor fastened to the t●le.  
Were't not for this, the Knights of errand worth,  
(As Don i'th' Cage) could never have got forth.  
The Knight o'th' Sun, had found eternal night,  
But that an Imprimatur gave him light;  
And Captain Jones in all his dreadful dress,  
Had ne'er been known i'th' crowd, but for the Press.  
Wherefore no Knights (unless against their wills)  
Ever adventured on the Paper Mils:  
Of other Mills indeed our Don makes brags,  
But counts that Sacred which doth grind the rags.  

TEXT.  
THat were a jest indeed, that books which are printed with the King's Licence, and approbation of those, etc.] This is the very life of all books, privilege, and their Licence, it is their guard and security from the mouths of scandalous invectors, who would conclude most things for untruths, but that this warrant doth defend them: What other buckler have the many controversies, difference of opinions, than the Broad Seals to shelter themselves, or rather lie under? what authority or reason, for the multitude of authors now abroad, but that they are printed? and like children exposed, are sent forth to seek their fortune with a good frontispiece, (like the Grecians Table) to get favour, belief or money, which is better then both.  
Sir john of famous memory; not he of the Boares-Head in East cheap, desired but a broad Seal, or Letters Patent, for to raise a shilling of every one, that could give no reason why he should refuse; but in case there were any that should deny him, (as there are some costive, and obstinate natures, that will not part with their money without very good cause why) he desired leave to summon those up to London, to dispute the case, which rather than they would be at trouble of, 'twas twenty to one, but the money would be paid. Such efficacy have those instruments, that I have heard of a Reversioner, that killed the present incumbent, with the opening of his Box, as if it had been Pandora's, out of which diseases issued.  
What greater pleasure can there be, then to behold as one would say, even here before our eyes, etc.] A Topick, à jucunditate, or rather jocunditate objecti. Whereas all things are desirable for some great profit, or delight conceived, or absolutely in them; none hath more than this dream of Knight-Errantry: Which though it introduces you into lakes with Serpents, yet it never leaves you without the Lady of the Lake. If it brings you into Forests, deserts, and almost inaccessible places, there will an Ariadne, some disconsolate Fairy or other appear, (as if you had come by her own clue thither) to be your solacer, and she-comforter; as you see by experience in the Don, who though enchanted in his Cage, out of which, there was no possibility of getting, but by the power of a higher excantation, yet at the request of Madam Cloacina, who never failed him in his necessities, he is let loose.  
I dare affirm of myself, that since I became a Knight-Errant, I am valiant, courteous, liberal, etc.] This proof a Teste seipso, is not so current as the other, for it was bottomed upon his own daring to say it, and 'tis known he durst do much: But the attributes with some qualifications might be very well usurped by him; as that he was valiant, ferendo, which passive fortitude is most erratic; liberal, promittendo; courteous, recipiendo, denying nothing that was given him; generous, but not generosus, and that in genere, not in specie; gentle, and most of all, since his keeping in the Cage; bold, for there he adventured to tempt his Bases; mild, or rather mellow, and soft, or pappy; patient (perforce as they say) an indurer of labours, Imprisonments, and Enchantment, revera and plerunque: And as of old julius Caesar got Gallia, dando, accipiendo, ignoscendo: So Don Quixot, by giving nothing, forgiving any thing, and taking every thing, would in good time, (if he were capable of it) make Sancho Pancha Earl of Terra incognita.  
I understand not those Philosophers, quoth Sancho; but this I know well, that I would I had as speedily the Earldom, as I could tell how to govern it.] About a season both; though no doubt if he would have applied his mind to those abandoned Philosophers, he might sooner have learned how to govern, than his Lord got the government for him. The frame of his body much agreeing with sitting and sleeping in Judicature, and that mind, that was able to inform that body would take informations at leisure. The power and the reward was the thing Sancho look● for. The abilities and execution you might go look. The place should qualify the man; it was hard to judge by outsides: Aesop was an ugly fellow, but very witty, and seldom any natural defects, but there were great supplies of inward faculties. Galba was very bald on the head, but it was well lined within. Cicero had a wen on his nose, but yet smelled out Catilin's conspiracy; Caesar had none and could not discover that against himself; Vitellius had a great Paunch, yet was an Emperor, and became the chair of State, better than spruce Otho. Who then looking upon Sancho, but would say, there was enough in him?  
Then did the Goatherd arrive, and laying hold of her, said unto her; O you wanton Ape, you spotted elre.] It was very strange, that the Don upon these words, was not incited to a rescue, and supposing the speckled Goat to be a beauty-speckt Lady enchanted, instantly had not started to his Arms: Upon less provocation, he assaulted the flock of sheep. How easily might the odour and grain of the creature have been mistake for hers of Toboso, surely the Knight was dull after dinner, or else this could not have produced less than an adventure, but especially, when in his passionate rebuke, the Goatherd proceeds to taunt her, with how can it be other, then that you are a female; and therefore can never be quiet, turn back love, turn back. Could the defender of the sex hear this, and not be unmoved? Of all the quarrels he undertook, there was not so much ground for one, as here; besides, had there been no other reason, but that it was a Goat-Errant, by his order he was to succour her, and have said to her bold pursuer; Enchanted Lady, (for by this miscreant's words, I guess you to be such) unsold the cause of this your flight, and change. I am not ignorant of the like mutation in your sex, some being turned into Trees, some into Spiders, some into Birds, some into Beasts, some into Streams. I myself but lately was enchanted, and I know not how soon returnable unto that condition. Speak quickly, while my Knightly capacity lasts, that I may restore your hairs into the silken robes you use to wear; your goodly beard into your fan; your spots into curious specks; your stately horns into the Persian Tiara; or the knots wherein you twist your delicate hair; all which shall be effected, if I may have but one word from you, to show your desire to be relieved by my hand. How this fancy scaped him, is almost a miracle, and but that his wooden study infused no glorious freaks into him, it had been impossible.  
I accept mine, quoth Sancho, for I will go with this Pastry.] It is no time of adventuring, but preparing for adventures I perceive: Knight-Errants and their Squires, like Ships, must be victualled, and Sancho was providing for a long voyage. The Cloak-bag in his belly, was of more capacity than that on his Ass; a corner of which, the whole Pie would not well fill. While the Don is held by the ear, the Squire will be held by the teeth; Mutton is preferred with him before Goat, and one single sheep entrenched and fortified in good crust-work, was a more considerable adventure to him, then sharing the whole flock.  
Sancho for government it will suffice,  
Eat Py-crust stoutly, and thou must be wise.    

CHAP. XXIV.  
The Goatherd, having laid his Goat from skipping,  
Under that Emblem tells of maidens tripping:  
And would insinuate into our breasts,  
That there are far more women-straies, than Beasts.  
If the toy take them, like the speckled Goat,  
They care not for the spoil of petticoat:  
O'er hills, o'er dales, will fond Leandra run,  
Vincent o'th' Rose her heart from all hath won.  
But the false Soldier loved not her, but gold,  
And plandered all, but what was fast tothth' hold.  
" Vincenti Dabitur, his Motto be,  
" The Soldier's leave be assigned to me.  
But a vae victis be Leandras fee;  
List then, while I invoke a muse to cheer us,  
With Story of Leandra and her Heros.  

TEXT.  
THere is a village.]  
There was (say I) a Country Village,  
Where lived a damsel that did pillage  
Beauty and hearts; but she was dainty,  
And did affect not one in twenty.  
Who could forbear to like and love her?  
She was as plump as any Plover;  
But if that expression's homely,  
Take another, she was comely.  
And which gave the whole Town the Itch,  
(Of love I mean) both fair and rich.  
Anselmo and Eugenio (two  
Such curious youths no Village knew)  
Were smitten both, and they were neighbours  
Children to boot, but lost their labours.  
Yea though they made their meek addresses  
Unto her father (which God blesses)  
(Though many suitors have no care on't,  
But take a buttock for a warrant)  
They did not speed, the work was green,  
(In years I mean) but just sixteen;  
And why she liked not, you may gather,  
They wooed not her first, but her father:  
So by their simple pious fooling,  
Both Rivals love-sutes lay a cooling.  
At last from Italy there comes,  
A youth bred up, amongst Fifes and Drums;  
The son of one, did daily labour,  
But he as proud as Bethlem Gabor,  
In Buff and Scarves, full richly clad;  
(Good clothes indeed, where e'er th' were had.)  
But richer far in horrid stories  
Of his own actions, and vain glories.  
And yet for all his prate and shows,  
He was poor Vincent's son o'th' Rose.  
A thousand stories he did tell,  
Surpassing Sir john Mandevill.  
Vincent his name was, (and you know, men  
From such a name may take an Omen)  
But he was Vincent of the Rose,  
And under that lies to purpose.  
To Market when he came, the people  
Rung out the greatest bell i'th' Steeple:  
So that they flocked unto this Hector,  
To hear his tales, as to a Lecture.  
Amongst the rest of lowly rank,  
Leandra spied this Mountebank;  
Who to his quacking brought a Gittern,  
(As musical as any Bitterne.)  
Of every thing he had a Poem,  
And amongst his Auditors would throw 'em.  
Leandra, not so wise as fair,  
Was taken with this pedlars ware:  
His fabulous stories she adores,  
As Desdemona did the Moors;  
And all his dangers counterfeit  
(Poor fool,) as true, she did conceit.  
His broken pate with pots and glasses  
She takes for honoured wounds and sla●hes;  
And for a bullet (strangely shot)  
The ugly Squinzy in his throat.  
His pit-hole face with the small pox,  
The dents of Mars his powder box.  
He need not feign; her love found out,  
Enough to cozen her no doubt.  
And now (as if the Devil would have it,)  
He asked her will, she forthwith gave it.  
Father's consent she stayed not for,  
Surrender is for man of war.  
Now all the plot and chief contrivance,  
Was how to get his spoused wife-hence.  
What ever she could wrap or wring  
Into her night-bag she did fling;  
A horse she stole too from the stables,  
To carry her to famous Npal●s;  
Long time before that, Mas Anello  
From fisher man was a brave fellow.  
But now her Vincent of the Rose  
Proved not so fragrant in the close;  
For to a Cave he brought the damsel,  
Pretending there to rest her hams well:  
But the entertainment far and wide is,  
Of Dido, and her Anchisides.  
For here the storm was in the Cave,  
Tempests of oaths the Villain gave;  
And charged Leandra to unstrip her,  
(The Virgin feared that he would whip her)  
But he whipped nothing but her clothes;  
She charged him by his vows and oaths;  
Nothing would move Vincent o'th' Rock,  
But leaves Leandra in her smock,  
Without a light or any fuel,  
Despoiled of all but her best Jewel.  
But chastity we know of old  
(And without clothes is wondrous cold.  
At last she heard a noise of hoopers,  
And peeping out she finds them Troopers:  
Then did she cry, thumping her breast,  
Now Vincent's served, they'll have the rest;  
A thousand fears did then surprise her,  
She wishes now she had been wiser:  
But straight her fears and troubles vanish,  
She knew the Troopers to be Spanish;  
And one amongst them was old jaquez,  
Who used to carry her to the Cake-house;  
jaquez she cried, come help thy mistress,  
And rid me out of this same distress.  
jaquez at first was main affrighted,  
But suddenly the Swain alighted.  
And kneeling said, my pretty Donna,  
How is't you have no garments on-a?  
It is the mode of Spanish Ladies  
To go in smocks o' nights, not a-dayes;  
Now since I see you shrewdly lack it,  
I pray invest you in my Jacket;  
Which would be warmer I believe,  
If there were to it e'er a sleeve.  
But since we can't help that disaster.  
Get up behind, I'll ride the faster:  
Without a Pillion or a Crupper,  
To jolt it thus behind a Trooper,  
Did very much Leandra trouble,  
Nor had she ought for to lay double.  
So that she wept as she did ride,  
And wished she could have sat a-stride:  
But jaques spurred and spurred, and switched,  
Ride softlier jaques she beseeched;  
But jaquet stints not, till he brought her  
Unto his Master, who then sought her.  
And having got good wives about her,  
In better fashion they did clout her;  
And lest the rumour far should run,  
She presently became a Nun;  
And since she could not married be,  
Vowed until death, virginity.  
Which, whether Vincent of the Rose  
Had, or had not, yet no man knows:  
Anselmo and Eugenio,  
Having lost her, lost themselves too.  
And being Venus famous dotards,  
One turned Shepherd, t'other Goatheard.  
Comparing women in their notes,  
To wand'ring Sheep, and capering Goats;  
Whilst they are even with the fools,  
And laugh at them that love by rules.    

CHAP. XXV.  
A simple Goatheard will Leandra bury  
By's unbelief in a cold Monastery.  
Here was her Heros; here the Hercules,  
Confide in Don, down go the Nunneries:  
But he distrusting in our ill faced Ops,  
Is mulcted for his doubting in the chaps  
With a good loaf; to gather up the arms  
Came Sancho up trow, or revenge Don's harms?  
But come he did, and did most highly ruffle,  
Which made the business but a Table-scuffle;  
From which the Don retreated, when a Trumpet  
Called him to true encounter, and to some feat  
Of desperate valour; what could bond his fancy,  
Who will adventure, though he can't a man see?  
At last appears the blessed virgin's statue:  
A ravished Lady swears the Don, have at you.  
O how he flies about, and hacks and slices  
The poor white Friars, and their clean sur-plices!  
They sang aloud, good Lord de-liver us,  
And suffer not this Don to sliver us.  
Let down the Captive, (quoth the Don) done't dare us,  
Nor think I'll spare ye, for your good Lord spare us:  
But the great Lady would not see this wrong,  
And she revenged th' affronter with a prong;  
Which on his heaving shoulder fell full sore,  
And from his horse, threw Quixot o'er and o'er.  
Lo where the man of Knight's profession  
Lies stouned by th' adventured of Procession;  
Who if he rise again, to beat any,  
Will never charge for this the Let any.  

TEXT.  
CErtes (friend Goatherd) if I were at this time able to undertake any adventure.] Being under Enchantment, otherwise there's no time, when a Knight-Errant is not offensive, and defensive; that is, either beating or beaten. It is too much a conscience to be at once, at war with men and Devils: Necromancers, Sorcerers, Witches, Wizards, and the like, being of the train band of Hell and black guards of Pluto, were no small enemies of the Don's. No man I think, of that valiant, honourable, but desperate profession was ever oftener or longer, under captivity of the Diabolical forces: and although some wiser than others, would laugh the opinion out of the world, and maintain that there are no Witches nor withcrafts, Enchanters, nor enchantments, spirits or familiars, against the received sentences of Tribunals, the confessions of divers condemned persons, the visible teats and nipples, whereat the young Incubi and Succubae, were constantly fed: The strange creatures that like Squirrels, Rats, Weezles, Whippe●s, Hares, Mice, Polecats, and innumerable other vermin, haunt and frequent such people, also their own several transmutations into the shapes of Horses, Deer, Hares, (in which shapes they have been rid, many hundred, of more than errantick miles) hunted, and sometimes suffered; yet they find Patrons to defend the impossibility of such operations, contracts, or Diabolical disguises, when they cannot deny, but the first practice upon humane nature was by the Devil in Serpent, using the instruments of tha● subtle creature, to form a language and discourse, whereby he deluded the most perfect of her generation, and hath so entailed that victory upon both sexes, but especially on that, that in the mishaps and claps of women, nothing is more frequent, then to entitle the Devil to his own work, and to devolve the business (if not totally, yet principally) from themselves, when by way of evasion, they say, surely I was bewitched, or the Devil was in me, or I was not myself, in my right mind, that is, enchanted, as the Don was in the Text, from whom action was as inseparable as the nose from his face, (for I cannot say the care from his head (but during this deadly charms efficacy.  
Thou art a great villain, said Don Quixot, and thou, etc. The Enchantment doth a little abate, and his knightly spirits return in such abundance, that he makes a weapon of a loaf, which was used to refresh them, and not to be cast (as here) in any teeth but his own.  
If Sancho Pancha had not arrived at the instant.] Sancho had been Fluellin in this scuffle, (the pillage of such battles, always belonging to him) if the eminent danger of his master's throat, had not proved an utter enemy to his own. If the Goatherd had not almost throttled his master, Sancho had in a short time choked himself with the ingurgitated relics and orts of the Canon's provision. But it is a Lapithaean feast, where there was more meat than manners, more stomach than feeding; not like Tantalus his fare, was this at the Table, flying from their lips, but flying at them, and in such flocks, that there was more meat for their mouths, than mouths for their meat, non offendimur ambulante coenâ, Is understood, when one dish dances round the table, but this was all a running banquet, as if they had been served in plates of quicksilver. No dish nor cup stood still, but only while 'twas kissed, and the salutations so pestilent and close, that they drew blood at billing: Insomuch, that though the meat was well dressed, the guests were all raw, and blood run about their mouths, as if they had been Cannibals, and fed upon one another.  
In conclusion they heard the sound of a Trumpet.] What at other times animates to fight, did here dissolve the fray: The noble sound of that Warlike instrument, recalled shame into the combatants, who full of flesh-wounds, crossed the cudgels the right way, and fell to picking quarrels with their teeth, their bellies being the only sufferers, and not easily after so great a spoil, to be satisfied; But as the Fool thinketh, so the bell tinketh. The Don conceits this Trumpet sounds for his assistance; the Lady Micomiconas' Trumpet upon his life, who having joined battle with Pandafiland her mortal foe, sent this summons for the restorer of her Kingdom; or else Dulcineas Trumpet at her dinner of Beanes, and grey Pease; or else Fame's Trumpet, to blow him honourably home after his many victories. But it was not so, nor so, nor so. But a Trumpet it was, and a Lady's Trumpet too; but at this time, it blew no good to the Don; it was a solemn Church Trumpet, sounding dolefully before an armoury of Prayers and tears, to remove a great drought from the Land, but it proved Quixot's day of judgement-Trumpet, after the dismal sounds, whereof he was carried to the Mancha to his old woman, which was as bad as Hell and furies to him.  
Sancho saying, whither do you go Sir Don Quixot? What Devils do you bear in your breast, that you run thus against the Catholic faith?] Contra Romanam Catholicam fidem you should say Sancho, for Don Quixot and yourself both, by your stomaches Lutherans, (but by your provisions, Carthusians, or Cappucines) might very well be against Images, and yet maintain the Catholic Faith without mutilation of the second Commandment, or breaking one into two.  
But Sancho laboured all in vain.] The whole Council of Trent could not have persuaded the Don from the attempt, who at this instant, fiercer than the Council of Dort, feared no Anathemas, Bulls, nor Bears. This action (had it been in late days) would have new dubbed him, Knight of the reformation, and from the success of this adventure, as great an harvest of conversion might have been expected, as was from the fall of Mahomet's Tomb amongst the Jews and Infidels; which Tomb hath stood on the ground at Mecha, ever since the embalming of that impostor, although it is a piece of Koran faith, that he in an Iron Chest, hangs in the air, supported by the equal attraction of two loadstones.  
He assaulted the Image-Carriers, one whereof leaving the charge of the burden, encountered the Knight with a wooden fork, etc.] This fellow stood not for an Image it seems: His faith was proved by his works; for he was resolved to try which was the greater Pageant, that which they carried, or he which Rosinant. O the unfortunateness of this adventure! Pitchfork prevails against Sword, and Porter against Knight. The Don by one unhappy blow is deprived of the use of his shoulder, a judgement (no doubt in specie) punishing that part, which first did lift itself against the Idol. Nec enim lex justior ulla est, etc.  
Then might they hear Sancho bewailing him with tears in his eyes, in this manner. O flower of Chivalry!]  
O ye Knight-Errants past, and those to come,  
Weep ye before you're born, you from the tomb:  
This day was slain in homely fashion,  
Their envy, and your, Imitation.  
Whom they ne'er lived to see, you ne'er will see,  
Unless it be in this sad Elegy;  
Wherefore we'll leave him in a Character,  
For in effigy, 'twill be fouler far.  
The Knight that Lady loved, and ne'er enjoyed,  
That fought with any thing, but ne'er destroyed.  
That eat but little, less than little paid,  
That frighted every one, of all afraid.  
That had a faithful Squire, that had an Ass,  
That had an Island had but for this pass.  
That Knight stretched out, lies to be seen at length,  
That bestrid Rosinant, that Horse of strength,  
That is the Knight, that must be the example,  
That the prime horse, that with Knight-Errants vamp will.  
That Squire that weeps, is he that is content  
(That Island lost) to live o'th' continent,  
Don Quixot was called again to himself with Sancho's out-cries.] It had been worth Sancho's question; and none indeed deserved the answer to it but Sancho; whether in this deliquium and trance, his soul was transported? What more eminent place in Elysium was prepared for Knight-Errants, then of any other order? And whether he did see those many Hero's, whose Histories incited him to this profession, advanced according to the merits of their undertake in the other world? What habits Amadis du ●aul, and the other Amadis of Greece wore? Or whether there were any investitures at all, till the complete number of Knight-Errants were accomplished in his departure? Or were there any more to follow? But Sancho was overjoyed at the sight of his revoked Lord, and forgot to move the question. And the Don (as all recoveries and victories, are imputed to the sovereign aspects of their Ladies, so their defeats and crosses to their aversions, or some obnoxious interpositions) Knight-Errant like gave the maxim of his sufferings, to be the absence and long distance betwixt the Tobosian Lady, and his person, unto whom now, as to an Antidote, as fast as Cart can go, he will hasten.  
Sancho, replied Don Quixot, thou speakest reasonably, and it will be great wisdom, to let pass the cross aspects of those Planets that reign at this present.]  
Knight-Errantry doth not engage the order of them against the Stars, if they be Planet-struck once, they never return a blow; 'tis wisdom then, not valour must manage the business.  Sapiens dominabitur astris. 
And certainly, if ever Knights were borne under malignant Planets, ours was. Venus was cross legged; Mars retrograde; Sol in nubibus; jupiter eccentric; Saturn sullen; Luna and Mercury only conspired to assist him home again; She, because he was her companion much on nights, the other for his unwearied Errantry on days: Insomuch, that if the number ever be augmented amongst them, he is in election to make the eight Planet: What influence the septentriones had upon him at present, is to be easily guessed, for he is upon his second hoist into the Cart, and but that the Don was provided, there was an Auriga for him too.  
There the Wain-man yoked his Oxen, and accommodated the Knight on a bottle of Hay.] Grass and Hay, we are all mortal, the greatest men must die like beasts, though the Don expires with what a beast would live. Rosinant only envied him this cushion, who for the present, wished to change places with him. Thus you see the sad conclusion of this famous Knight, who indeed deserved a more Sella Curulis; but his vast knowledge in the miscarriages of his predecessors, made him slight these present indignities: For when he considered Marius in a Lake, (as good a place as Tom Turds field) Orlando in Bedlam, Amadis du Gaul in a Dungeon, and he of Greece in shackles; the Valiant Gataor forced to run the Gauntlet, the Knight of the Burning Pestle in Cornelius Tub, and most of their Squires like Sancho, indeed at the Cart's tail, but not like Sancho with his shirt on, he played a little with the hay he sat upon, (the emblem of humane frailty) and after that (as if he eat it chopped) he said nothing but this, Non sum majoribus impar.  
Which some thought, he spoke, alluding to Bajazet, who was in this manner carried about by the insulting Tamerlane. Others thought that he called to mind, his Manchegall predecessors, who were Ploughmen, and not disdaining the contemplation of his originals, resolved to begin that world again, and invert the Poem to Virgil's Aeneids; 
Ille ego qui quondam Mavortis, terror in armis,  
Ad patriam redeo, ut parerent arva Colono.  
Translated thus.  
Since our design for Errantry is broke,  
I'll still subdue, though Oxen under yoke:  
Nor shall this Cage my vast ambition bound,  
I'll fall to plough, and so I'll tear the ground.   
Sancho Panca ' s wife, as soon as ever she saw her husband, asked whether the Ass were in health or no? etc.] The question serving for both man and Master; Sancho replied to its double sense, and saith, the Animal was in the better condition of the two. Sancho's ears were fallen, and this dishonourable return, cross to all his hopes, made him ashamed to see his wife, as he might well, who expected the title of a Queen at least; but she is but jone Pancha still: 'Twas well (since it could be no better) quoth jone, that he brought the Ass with him, and the fool that road him; this night they will have an encounter, and for more.  
But of his end he could find nothing, if good fortune had not offered to his view, an old Physician, who had in his custody a leaden box, etc.] Who this old Physician should be, is very hard to conjecture, for he was a great Antiquary beside, as will appear by his delight in these monuments, and rare relics of the Don; Unless it should be john Dellues, I know not whom he means: For john having lived famous throughout all Spain for mighty cures, at last fell sick, and being near his end, some friend desired that he would not bury with him the means whereby he grew so eminent; john told his friend all, that it was true, a great fame lived with him, and would follow him; but for the critical knowledge and success in his cures, it was thus: He had a fortune Physic book, wherein the names of most diseases were wrote, and as Patients came for his opinion, he withdrew for a season, and in that interval, threw the dice, and upon what disease the chance fell, that was the patient's sickness, than he threw again for the cures, and accordingly followed those medicines, on which the dice rested. This was his directory for diseases and remedies, which he made use of to his end, and the end of many; but the number of his cures surmounting his losses, his bad casts went for nothing. By this easy way of practice, (for illuminative and inspired physic he detested, as also all counsels with other Physicians) he had the more leisure for the enquiry into these old records; and amongst many, he at last happened upon those of the Mancha; out of which he gathered some few Epitaphs, Elegies, and fancies, upon Don Quixot, Dulcinea of Toboso, and in the praise of Rosinante and Sancho Pancha; With which we shall conclude, desiring you to do the Don this last honour, to see him in his urn, and hear what is said over his ashes.  
The End of the Fourth Book.     


Knight's Templars on the worthy Knight, DON QUIXOTS Death.  
AWakened from the round where we long lay,  
Still men of Arms as you may see, not clay:  
We shake our weighty limbs, and crested heads,  
And would, but for the grates, rise from our beds,  
Where we enchanted lie; no more the talk's  
Of us, let Quixot's name fill up the walks.  
Brother in Arms, we will afford thee room,  
Lie close STEROPES, Don Quixot's come.  
We will dispense this Temple for thy Coarse,  
We have another for thy famous Horse.   

Knights of Jerusalem on DON QUIXOT.  
SInce the long days of old Mathusalem,  
No Knights so great as the jerusalem.  
(The Knights o't'h Holy War) until the Don's  
Renowned acts out-cryed us of Saint john's.  
We ventured to redeem the Sepulchre  
From Pagan hands; but lie in Angli-terre:  
Our monuments are now defaced, our Caverns,  
And nothing left of us, but signs of Taverns:  
But yet for all our injuries and wrongs,  
we'll find a place for thee, near justice Longs;  
Where in the memory of thy strange fights,  
Thumping and beating is both days and nights.   

Duke Humphrey to DON QUIXOT.  
Untombed I, a place to thee resign,  
Lie, if thou wilt, in the same ground was mine;  
'Twill be small charge to thy Executor  
To raise a Tomb, for there are stones good store:  
Thy Votaries as they do pass that way,  
May fast as they did use, where they please pray.   

Long Meg of Westminster, to Dulcinea of Toboso.  
I Long Meg once, the wonder of the Spinsters,  
Was laid, as was my right, i'th' best of Ministers;  
Nor have the Wardens ventured all this while,  
To lay, except myself, one in those Iles.  
Indeed until this time, ne'er any one  
Was worthy to be Megs Companion.  
But since Toboso hath so fruitful been,  
To bring forth one might be my Sister-twinne;  
Alike in breadth of face, (no Margeries  
Had ever wider cheeks, or larger eyes)  
Alike in Shoulders, Belly, and in flanks,  
Alike in legs too, (for we had no shanks)  
And for our feet, alike from heel to toe,  
The Shoemakers the length did never know.  
Lie thou by me, no more it shall be common,  
One I'll of man there is, this I'll of woman.   

Banks his Horse to Rosinant.  
THough Rosinante famous was in fields  
For swiftness, yet no Horse like me had heels.  
Goldsmiths did show me, not the Ferri-Fabers;  
One nail of mine, was worth their whole week's labours.  
Horse, thou of metal too, but not of gold,  
('Twas best 'twas so, or oft they had been sold)  
Let us compare ou● s●ats; thou top of Nolls  
Of hills hast oft been seen, I top of Paul's.  
To Smythfield Horses I stood there the wonder,  
I only was at top, more have been under.  
Thou like a Spanish jennet, got i'th' wind,  
Wert hoisted by a Windmill; 'twas in kind.  
But never yet was seen in Spain or France,  
A Horse like Banks his, that tothth' pipe would dance:  
Tell money with his feet; a thing which you,  
Good Rosinante nor Quixot ere could do.  
Yet I do yield, surpassed in one feat,  
Thou art the only Horse, that liv'dst sans meat.   

The Aldermen of Gotam to Sancho Pancha.  
O Do not grieve, (although thy loss,  
To lose a Lord, not worth a cross,  
Be loss enough) who now gone home is,  
Unlikely e'er to keep his promise.  
We hearing of thy great renown,  
Desire thee to o'er rule our Town:  
You'll find us easy to be ruled;  
People that will be, must be foolled.  
A sort of coxcombs cannot tell  
When we are ill, nor when we be well:  
Full of money, full of pride,  
And want an ebb to our long tide.  
You need not bring your Ass with you,  
You shall have Asses here enough:  
We will make good your Don's intent,  
And seat you in this government.  
Sancho did seem to shift it off,  
But when he had it once, did laugh.   

The Sexton of the Mancha on DON QVIXOT.  
THE hardy Knight, and sole,  
That e'er lived under Pole,  
Lies buried in this hole.  
He that i'th' air did fly,  
By windmill t●st on high,  
Under a clod doth lie.  
H● that gave Lands, and  
Unto his Squire command,  
Cannot stir foot nor hand.  
Here, after all his tricks,  
The bones are of Don Quix:  
The rest is gone to Sty●.   

The same upon Dulcinea Del Toboso.  
HEre in a hollow trunk,  
Full deep in the earth sunk,  
Lies one, above ground stunk.  
Who (saving her presence)  
Had not been carried whence  
She died, but for offence.  
Who having lost her Lord,  
Abhorring and abhorred,  
Died of her own accord.  
O let her ashes rest,  
Now she is in her nest.  
To stir 'em is not best.    
FINIS.