key: cord-0984247-bnnrdr09 authors: Wright, Lorraine M. title: Conquering Fear During Social-Distancing or Self-Quarantine: Even Fearing the Disappearance of Popcorn date: 2020-08-18 journal: J Fam Nurs DOI: 10.1177/1074840720923421 sha: a18a379565a4ddd015abdb62919e331ad4780c44 doc_id: 984247 cord_uid: bnnrdr09 nan Because of my trivial "popcorn fear," I am not judgmental of others' fears during periods of social distancing or quarantine. It reminded me of one of the great lessons I have learned in clinical practice, that we can never compare or judge another person's or family's suffering as it influences our compassion (Wright, 2017) . We must also never judge or ridicule one another's fears at this time. During this past 2 weeks, I have listened to a whole range of fears from friends, family, and clients/families. Worries about not having a haircut for several weeks or a manicure, or not being able to get fresh fruit, and the proverbial worry of running out of toilet paper. Of course there are the more serious fears being expressed by parents having to home school their children; teenagers worried they will have lost some friends when they return to school; university students worried about what will happen to their academic term; elderly concerned that they may never be able to plant their garden; and deep worries about not being able to visit an elderly parent who is very ill or worse yet dying; not being able to pay their rent; and fears about losing livelihoods and businesses. All of these fears are valid. It is fascinating that so far, I have not heard one person who is self-isolating or in quarantine directly express any fear of actually contracting the novel coronavirus. Maybe they are keeping this fear to themselves or maybe this fear seems to be reserved for those marvelous, heroic, and angel nurses and doctors working on the front lines who are in direct patient contact with those who have been diagnosed with COVID-19. Individuals and families who are self-isolating seem to be more anxious about how COVID-19 has or will impact their lives. I also have not heard of anyone else who has experienced the "popcorn fear" while in self-isolation, but maybe some secretly do. Our fears at this moment in time highlight that we are the benefactors and victims of our first-world society. Here are a few useful ideas I have found most effective for myself and that I have offered to family members, friends, and clients/families to feel less fearful and anxious and to 923421J FNXXX10.1177/1074840720923421Journal of Family NursingWright editorial2020 Conquering Fear During Social-Distancing or Self-Quarantine: Even Fearing the Disappearance of Popcorn live more peacefully while we adhere to the self-distancing and self-quarantine policies of our respective governments and public health officials. The brain has a negativity bias as we have learned from brain science (Wright, 2015a) . The amygdala is activated by both positive and negative emotional experiences but it registers fearful experiences more than positive ones. During this pandemic, our brains seem like they are working overtime in conjuring up fears. When we believe our fears, we open the door to all its companions like discouragement, anger, frustration, and disappointment. These inevitably lead to suffering as our constraining beliefs become more locked in, more rigid. The key to managing our fears is to calm the amygdala. Optimism, hope, and courage come from a heart and brain not burdened by fears. Notice what they are and bring them into your awareness. With awareness about what is happening in your mind, comes freedom. Ask yourself "Why am I making myself fearful by thinking that?" It is your thought forms that make you fearful. With awareness, your fears serve no useful purpose. Your fears are only in your imagination of the events that have not even happened as yet. The way to move away from fearful thinking is to bring your attention to something else, to feel your inner body. When I offer workshops and/or lectures to health professionals, I like to illustrate being in the present moment and experiencing the inner body by having participants sit upright in their chairs, close their eyes, and focus on their breathing, in and out. We focus on our breathing for usually just 30-60 s. But it beautifully illustrates the biological impossibility of thinking thoughts when we are attuned to our inner body. It also illustrates how we can stop fearful thinking in its track. Another sterling example of how to stop the thoughts that encompass fears is to focus on the energy field in your hands. Often fears come out more strongly in the middle of the night and this is a particularly good practice to calm fears. First, close your eyes. Focus on your hands. Can you feel them? It is usually possible to feel some energy or stimulation in your hands. And as your feel your hands, your alertness is taken away from your fearful thoughts. You can also apply the same focus on your feet, your legs, and eventual your breathing. As you engage in this exercise, your thinking activity will subside, almost completely. Your consciousness has now moved from your conceptualizing mind to your inner body. We are constantly being reminded these days to practice physical distance (the now famous 2-m distance) but to remain socially connected (Wright & Bell, 2009 ). Yes, daily phone calls, emails, and texting is healing, if we take the opportunity to express our fears and worries to trusted family members, friends, and/or health professionals. Being vulnerable increases our courage (Brown, 2011) . Expressing our fears, serious or trivial, can invite healing and a more peaceful mind and spirit. While self-isolating many time management experts are advising a strict schedule to reduce anxiety and fears. But I recommend an odd day/even day ritual as another intervention on ourselves to manage our fears (Wright, 2019; Wright & Bell, 2009; Wright & Leahey, 2013) . On even days, create a schedule for working, eating, exercising, and decreasing your news watching and increasing your connections with family, friends, and colleagues. But on odd days, I recommend binge-watching Netflix; tune in to as many news conferences you desire, stay in your jammies all day; purchase something on Amazon; join a singing group on YouTube; Google and learn about the first place you will visit when this virus has ended its terrifying days. On the seventh day, be spontaneous and choose either a scheduled or nonscheduled day. Realize these are times to allow ourselves to be hugely human. Then evaluate what works best for you, scheduled or non-scheduled days or a little of both. The "what is" is that we are in the most severe worldwide pandemic of our lifetime. The now familiar words of "unprecedented and unbelievable" are sadly true. This virus is affecting every aspect of our lives and relationships. But if one can primarily live within the present moment when in social distancing or self-quarantine, accepting "what is," rather than focusing on the past or future and challenge any constraining beliefs, there is no fear or suffering. If action needs to be taken with a particular issue with regard to managing our fear and worries, the idea or inspiration for solutions will come from a peaceful state rather than one of suffering and angst. This may sound idealistic, but I have witnessed this in my own practice and life but did not previously conceptualize how resistance is such a large part of the experience of fears and suffering related to one's constraining beliefs. Resistance stifles inspiration (Wright, 2015b) and we need all the inspiration possible to deal with this destructive and devastating virus. In conclusion, a shout out to all nurses around the world who are conquering their fear every day, especially those who are in direct patient contact with those suffering with COVID-19. For those of us only being asked to self-distance or self-quarantine, we can conquer our fear too. Finally, for those who appreciate the wisdom and comfort of ancient scripture, you may like 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Now go and make some popcorn! Lorraine M. Wright, RN, PhD Guest Editor Professor Emeritus of Nursing, University of Calgary Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead Brain science and illness beliefs: An unexpected explanation of the healing power of therapeutic conversations and the family interventions that matter Eckhart Tolle's spiritual words of wisdom: Application to family nursing practice Suffering and spirituality: The path to illness healing Older adults and their families: An interactional intervention that brings forth love and softens suffering Beliefs and illness: A model for healing This Guest Editorial first appeared on Dr. Wright's website as a blog post on April 2, 2020 and has been reprinted with permission from the author (or whatever the appropriate wording would be): https://www.lorrainewright.com/2020/04/02/conquering-fear/.