key: cord-0792768-7319ihe2
authors: Rodriguez, Vanessa; Rojas, Natalia M.; Rabadi-Raol, Ayesha; Souto-Manning, Mariana V.; Brotman, Laurie M.
title: Silent Expectations: An exploration of women pre-Kindergarten teachers’ mental health and wellness during Covid-19 and beyond.
date: 2021-12-22
journal: Early Child Res Q
DOI: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2021.12.006
sha: 9f9202ddcb14e3e88ca485d1c2505f1438a67c5f
doc_id: 792768
cord_uid: 7319ihe2

nan

Although there has been a great deal of attention paid to understanding the stressors and challenges of COVID-19 faced by families of young children (Center for Translational Neuroscience, 2020), the same is not true for teachers. This is a major gap because teacher mental health 1 is associated with healthy teacher-student relationships, classroom climate quality, students' social-emotional learning (SEL), and academic achievement (Jennings & Greenberg, 2009) . Mental health and wellness underpin teachers' ability to support these relationships and processes (Schaack et al., 2020) . A survey of the early childhood education (ECE) workforce in New York City (NYC) during the early months of the pandemic suggests that ECE educators face tremendous challenges amid COVID-19. Only 9% of all respondents reported not being emotionally affected by the pandemic (i.e., the vast majority were affected at least a little); 38% reported being impacted "a lot" or "extremely" (Tarrant & Nagasawa, 2020) .

This study takes place during the beginning of the pandemic, in mid-March 2020, when public schools in NYC closed with little to no warning for students, families, and educators.

There is a range of stressors and challenges expected to be shared by teachers who were abruptly separated from their students and the school community. We anticipated, based on the early findings with families of young children and the ECE workforce, as well as from longestablished understandings of young students' learning and development (e.g., play-based teaching, emphasis on student SEL), that pre-Kindergarten (pre-K) teachers were likely to face a unique set of stressors and challenges.

The present study is based on the understanding of teaching as a relational evolutionary trait and Self-in-Relation theory (SiR; Author_1, 2014; Jordan et al., 1991) . It is guided by the Five Awarenesses of Teaching framework (Framework) and informed by the literature on trauma and crisis. The study builds on a qualitative study of pre-K teachers in ECE centers two years before COVID-19 using similar methods (Authors, 2020) . However, in the current study, we examine pre-K teachers' experiences during the first fourteen weeks of COVID-19-related school closures. The phenomenon explored has always been present in the lives of pre-K teachers, but it was exacerbated by COVID-19. This qualitative study aims to understand how pre-K 2 teachers experienced the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic in NYC, the epicenter of the virus in the United States during the spring of 2020. Without a qualitative study, we would never be able to understand the depth of COVID-19 effects on teachers' mental health and wellness and teacher-student relationships.

Teaching is not a selfless act; rather, humans teach each other, in part, to connect and relate with one another (Author_1, 2014). The human capacity to teach complex concepts has a deep evolutionary history dating back nearly two million years (Chazan, 2012) . Humans utilize this cognitive skill as early as age two, without much effort or instruction (Strauss, 2005) . While present-day professional educators are taught advanced teaching skills, the innate drive to teach, relate, and connect to students continues to dominate modern-day classrooms.

Unlike males, women develop their identity in the context of creating and maintaining relationships (Miller, 1976) . Nearly 99% of ECE teachers are women (US Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2020). Due to women's dominance in the ECE field, we explore pre-K teachers' development through the unique lens of women teachers. We draw upon the SiR theory (Jordan et al., 1991) , which evolved from feminist research on women psychological development. The SiR theory emphasizes relationships as the foundation for women self-identity development. As such, we must consider the unique role that gender plays in developing ECE teachers' identity.

For women ECE teachers, their identities are formed, in part, by silent, albeit gendered, expectations-unspoken agreements that uphold the gender hierarchies in place. These expectations regarding how women teachers should care for and interact with students, inform how they view themselves and enact their teaching role (Barber, 2002) . The SiR theory challenges a male-dominant view of development that favors autonomy and separation from caregivers. Instead, women advance their development through a process of growth within their relationships (Surrey, 1991) . For example, women develop their teaching skills through understanding their relationships with students. A relationship, as defined by Surrey (1985) , requires that the teacher continually practice self-awareness to be responsive to their students and families. Therefore, it is important to document pre-K teacher's self-awareness to understand their development as described by their experiences with their students and families.

Expanding upon the SiR, we employed the Five Awarenesses of Teaching, a comprehensive theoretical framework to guide our understanding of teacher self-awareness and identity development in addition to informing our study design, analysis, and interpretation of findings (Author_1, 2016). The Framework is based on the understanding that teachers, like their students, are active participants in their relationships. The Framework categorizes teachers' mental health and wellness as depicted in their reflections of how they view themselves, their students, and their families. The five awarenesses are: Awareness of Self as a Teacher, Awareness of Teaching Process, Awareness of Learner, Awareness of Interaction, and Awareness of Context (see Authors, 2020 for more details on the Five Awarenesses). The awarenesses dynamically interface with each other, both supporting and being supported by one another as well as being impacted by external contextual factors (e.g., student, community, policy; Author_1, 2013a).

Importantly, a teacher's awareness enables their ability to intentionally and successfully develop and practice their social and emotional skills (Author_1, 2018) . A prior study using the Framework found that there was an underlying tension between teachers' keen awareness of student SEL and active suppression of their own social and emotional well-being, underscoring the need for studies on ECE social emotional competency and well-being (Authors, 2020) . This study extends our prior study by examining pre-K teachers' experiences during the COVID-19 lockdown in NYC with particular consideration for their mental health and wellness.

Extant research illustrates that schools shift their practices suddenly when an external crisis strikes-often in ways that are impossible to anticipate. Teachers are "first responders in tragedy" (O'Toole & Friesen, 2016) and are integral to both the first-line and long-term postdisaster response (Evans & Oehler-Stinnett, 2006) . Studies of teachers following disaster demonstrate that teachers frequently endure increased workload demands in addition to the stress of supporting students' SEL and academic needs while tending to their personal losses and trauma (Carlson et al., 2010) . However, teachers are not given official status as first responders, like male-dominated professions of policemen, firemen, and doctors. Yet, teachers, especially women, are often tasked with professional emotional management and care while also working toward their own recovery; this results in them performing multiple caregiving and support roles for themselves, their families, students, students' families, and the broader community.

Supporting students and their families in coping with additional stressors can exacerbate an already overwhelming teaching role (Simon & Evans, 2014) . As such, during crises, teachers frequently experience "role overload" (Kuntz et al., 2013 ) and a decreased sense of self-efficacy in their teaching (Seyle et al., 2013) .

Moreover, the abrupt lack of physical proximity to students, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, likely affects the teacher-student relationship, an essential aspect of teachers' selfefficacy and identity (Hargreaves, 2000) . Without the close physical proximity to students, teachers may feel unable to build and maintain close relationships with students, which goes against their need for relatedness and makes teachers vulnerable to feelings of personal failure and rejection by students (Hargreaves, 2000; Newberry & Davis, 2008; O'Connor 2008) .

Furthermore, prior studies revealed that teachers' beliefs about their relationships with students represent their views, feelings, and inner world regarding their teaching (e.g., Pianta et al., 2003) .

Currently, we know very little about teacher-student relationships and teachers' mental health and wellness as it relates to their practice, especially in the context of a pandemic, which likely has negative ramifications on teacher identity, and mental health and wellness and disrupts the mode by which relationships with students are typically developed and reinforced.

Furthermore, what makes this pandemic and the research conducted unique is the fact that it captures a moment when teachers were living through a sustained global crisis and the uncertainty associated with its long-term impact; they are experiencing trauma without the time or needful supports to process it (Champine et al., 2019; Reeves, 2015; Sweeney et al., 2018) .

This study was part of a program intervention and evaluation study of Thrive professional development (PD), a NYC Department of Education (DOE) program conducted in collaboration with the Center for Early Childhood Health and Development's ParentCorps program (Author_5, 2016) . Eighty public schools with pre-K programs (at least 36 pre-K students) from highpoverty neighborhoods were involved in this larger study. The 16 lead pre-K teachers interviewed for the current study came from 12 of the 42 schools primarily in Brooklyn and Queens (Table 1) . Both studies were approved by the university and NYC DOE Institutional Review Boards.

This study's pre-K sample is consistent with the NYC DOE workforce; teachers were primarily white (81%), women (100%), experienced (mean 26 years), and held masters degrees (100%). NYC public school teachers must acquire a Master's degree after three years of teaching. Participants' ages ranged from 35 and 65; 2/3 of them reported having children of their own. The majority of the teachers reported a salary range between $80,000 -$119,000 (considered moderate-income for a three-person household), with two teachers who are new to the public school system reporting $60,000 -$69,000 (Table 1) . Teacher salaries are set via a pay scale considering years taught and degree. Pay scales are decided by collective bargaining with the teachers' union and the mayor's office.

Following IRB approval, teachers were recruited to participate in the interview using three approaches: 1) pre-COVID-19, teacher wellness folders were distributed at school sites with hand sanitizer, a recruitment flyer, an inspirational keychain and a relaxation coloring booklet; 2) during COVID-19, we began a monthly #remotetogether e-newsletter with teacher resources (e.g. children's e-book titled: "While We Are Apart", interactive self-care guide, free e-resources for remote teaching, inspirational messages, mental health contacts); and 3) two research coordinators engaged in direct communication through text messages, emails, and phone calls. Research coordinators found that direct communication was the most successful approach in securing interviews. In all approaches, teachers were given information about the purpose of the project. They were told that while the interview would be approximately one hour, they could end the session at any time.

The research team engaged with teachers at the 43 approved sites before school closures (closures commenced Monday, March 16, 2020). In total, 48 teachers expressed interest; since two teachers had missing contact information, 46 teachers were contacted. The teachers were told that the study's purpose was to investigate teacher wellness, but they were not familiar with the Framework or given details of the researchers' specific research interest. Recruitment occurred from March-May 2020; interviews were held from April-June 2020-within in the last 14 weeks of the academic year.

Out of the 46 teachers contacted, 16 interviews were completed. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, research coordinators lost the ability to visit teachers at school sites which limited their ability to build strong in-person relationships with teachers. Recruitment efforts relied solely on remote communication with teachers that had not met the research coordinators in person; this likely negatively impacted recruitment. Some teachers responded to the research coordinator's recruitment efforts and expressed their inability to participate because they or a family member got sick, they did not have the capacity, or felt like they did not have time to talk.

Interviews ended on June 26, 2020, on the last day of school.

Individual (1:1) cognitive interviews were conducted by Author_1 with participants by telephone and were scheduled during a convenient time for teachers using the Self-in-Relationto-Teaching (SiR2T) interview method and associated protocol (Author_1, 2016). All interviewed teachers were home-bound due to COVID-19 restrictions, and the official closing of all NYC DOE schools on March 16, 2020. SiR2T interviews took place during the school day or after school hours, depending on teacher preference. Although the SiR2T interviews were intended to last approximately 1 hour, by preference, teachers took on average 1.5 hours to complete the interview; some lasted up to two hours. No teacher asked to stop or withdraw from the interview.

The SiR2T is grounded in SiR theory (Pilkinton, 2007; Surrey, 1985) , which recognizes that women teachers exist in relation to their students and contexts (e.g., current events, personal life); an apt method given that most ECE teachers in the US are women. The SiR2T supported pre-K teachers in describing their cognitive processes in relation to their mental health and wellness and contributing factors. The SiR2T method enabled researchers to provide a space for women to voice their experiences without pathologizing their behaviors when they showed symptoms of distress (MacKinnon, 2009 ).

The SiR2T is a type of cognitive interview that is distinct from other types of interviewing because it encourages the interviewee to recreate the context of their lived experience with use of open-ended questions, considers many paths to memory retrieval, and offers extended time for memory recall (Fischer et al., 2000) . This style of cognitive interview, is often used in criminology, as a more effective way to enable cognitive retrieval during police interviews (Fischer et al., 1989) . It offers a strength-based model to witnesses of traumatic events, engenders deeper, more nuanced reflections by participants, and helps the interviewer elicit a more robust, detailed understanding of the interviewee's experiences during times of trauma (Bekerian & Dennet, 1993) . Because of this, the SiR2T was particularly useful for interviewing teachers during the COVID-19 pandemic.

The SiR2T interview protocol (Authors, 2020) avoids the use of leading, closed, or shortanswer questions to protect against threats to valid interpretation. Teachers were asked one openended question about their process of teaching ("What are you focusing your mind on throughout your process of teaching?") and then were electronically provided with a copy of the SiR2T tool as a reference during the interview to support their response. The SiR2T tool consists of three concentric circles labeled most important, less important, and least important. Below each circle are four boxes containing words that contribute to a teacher's process. These word prompts are divided into four categories: self (e.g., empathy, humor, race, ethnicity), personal context (e.g., family, health, income), skills (e.g., routines, time management), and external influences (e.g., principal, student's family, current events).

Teachers were asked to think about the three concentric circles and to tell Author_1 where they might place the words within the circles in relation to how important that factor was to their teaching process. The interviewer kept track of the word prompts and guided the participant, referring back to any words that the teacher did not naturally mention. Throughout the process, Author_1 asked teachers to expand or explain their choices. When necessary, clarifying questions were asked to enable an understanding of the teacher's meaning.

As described by Braun and Clarke (2006) , we used a multi-phase, iterative and reflective process to analyze the data. As recommended by Nowell and colleagues (2017) , we employed multiple strategies at each phase to enhance the trustworthiness of our thematic analysis ( Table 2 outlines the strategies we used). The 16 audio recorded interviews were transcribed verbatim by a third-party transcription service to reduce inaccuracies or incompleteness in summative descriptions. Phase 1 of analysis started immediately following each interview, as Author_1, who conducted each interview, wrote observational notes (capturing participants' nonverbal, e.g., signs, pauses, etc. and emotional behaviors) and theoretical notes (recording initial impressions, connections, and understandings; Author_4, 2019; Schatzman & Strauss, 1973) , including direct quotes, recording the degree of awareness that the teacher displayed, and descriptions of their mental health and wellness during the pandemic.

During phase 2, Author 1 (Coder_1) familiarized two coders (Coder_2/Author_3 and Coder_3) with the concept and utility of the Framework to enable analysis of observational and theoretical notes (phase 1). As a group, coders reviewed all theoretical and observational notes (phase 1) and identified initial topics of interest and discussed relevance to teacher mental health and wellness during COVID-19. In coding meetings, we attended to credibility via the identification and confirmation of patterns across interviews-cross-checking, ensuring meaningful parallelism to establish reliability (Franklin et al., 2010) instead of conducting multiple interviews with each participant. This allowed us to enhance reliability and consistency while applying investigator triangulation. Coder 3 documented all team meetings, peer debriefings and kept an audit trail of code generation.

Five new potential codes and themes were created: COVID-19, teacher mom, codependency, language, and mental health/wellness. After a full review of the interview notes, the new data codes were discussed and compared for their concordance with the previously established hierarchy of subcategories and categories to finalize the codebook (Table 3) .

This codebook was employed by the coding team and led to the selection of six representative interviews, which best illustrated the compiled codes-i.e., containing the greatest extent and depth of codes clustered under each category in the codebook. Our dataset for phase 3 of analysis was comprised of six interviews, most thematically reflective of the larger dataset, per our coding. Selected interviews portrayed initial themes with the most frequency and depth. Table 1 identifies the sociodemographics of all 16 teachers, including the six teachers (identified using pseudonyms) that were selected for the deeper analysis.

To analyze the six interviews, Author_1 formally trained the two coders (Coder_1/Author 3 and Coder_2) utilizing the Framework. The Framework included five categories (the Awarenesses) composed of 35 codes which can be aggregated into 16 subcategories (Table 3) .

To avoid confirmation bias during training, all coders listened simultaneously one third of the interviews and independently detected statements and actions fitting into the coding schema and initial themes (see Appendix A for examples of coded transcript excerpts using this schema). We employed hybrid thematic analysis (Fereday & Muir-Cochrane, 2006) , enabling the use of an initial coding schema a priori from the initial codebook while allowing for the observation and iterative development of new codes and concepts. Coder_2 (Author_3) then drafted a detailed analytic memo (see Appendix B for an example analytic memo) for each interview that included an overview, direct interview excerpts exemplifying each code, analytical notes, theoretical notes, and visible themes in a two-column format (Braun and Clarke, 2006) . If particular patterns or excerpts of teacher responses did not fit well into the established codebook, coders noted these on the analytic memo and suggested new codes. Author_1 compared their coded transcript to Coder_2/Author 3's transcript, analyzed the memo draft, and made edits that confirmed or challenged the initial account of the coding discussion. The discussion of each memo allowed the coders (Author 1, Author 3/Coder_1, Coder_3) to iterate and finalize the codebook 3 , code all six transcripts, and reach cross-coding reliability via intersubjective agreement. This iterative process continued for each teacher's interview until a final agreement was reached on all memos and interrater agreement ensured. Carefully attending to the consistency of findings, this process captures how we ensured different researchers engaging in similar analysis "generate[d] similar interpretations and results" (Franklin et al., 2010, p. 356) .

Upon completing all transcript coding and final memos, analysis across all memo documents was finalized to synthesize the findings into themes and lead to the selection of representative illustrative quotes. As part of the identification of themes, we also searched for discrepant evidence; that is, counterexamples for the different codes and themes were identified to minimize confirmation bias (Kuhn, 1988) and strengthen our conclusions (Maxwell, 2013) .

During phase 4, preliminary themes were discussed (among all coders and Author_2) and compared with the established codes to assess their ability to reflect the meaning of the data as a whole (Braun & Clarke, 2006) .

Consistency across individual teacher cases, rich data, and the corresponding memos further strengthened our conclusions (Miles & Huberman, 1994) . To minimize biases, assumptions, and flawed logic of the coders, critical feedback was solicited from five university faculty peers on a one-to-one basis with the coders either in person or via phone (Maxwell, 2013) . The faculty's diverse expertise included both qualitative background (4), ECE research experience (4), two with expertise in the SiR2T protocol and the Framework, and three with expertise in teacher-student relationships; most faculty had some combination of the targeted expertise areas. The feedback was specific to their expertise area and was used to refine the coding schema and themes and support the trustworthiness strategies.

In phase 5 and 6, peer debriefing and team consensus was continually employed by all coders and Author_2 to define and name the final themes and produce this report.

In this paper we focus on the challenges teachers experienced during the three months immediately following school closures prompted by the COVID-19 pandemic, revealing themes that we categorize into two domains: (1) Practice-based challenges; and (2) Mental Health/Wellness challenges.

Practice-based challenges resulted from the switch to a virtual classroom, which prevented physical contact, challenged teachers' knowledge about ECE, and brought about daily unscheduled family observations, as family members became de facto part of the classroom as teachers entered young children's homes due to remote teaching. These challenges are briefly explained below:

 Families as students in the classroom: Teachers shared frustration, fear, and expectations of having families as students -always in their "virtual" classroom-akin to daily classroom observations creating confusion regarding the target audience.  Supporting the whole child: Teachers described difficulty supporting the whole child without physical or consistent interaction. The shift from in-person to virtual upended their knowledge, experience, and professional preparation.

These Practice-based challenges were interwoven with stories that teachers shared of their mental health and wellness challenges. We have made the decision to present the practiced-based challenges woven into the mental health and wellness challenges in order to highlight the seamless relationship between the two. For example, within the theme of Disequilibrium and Loss, we present the loss that teachers felt through the mandatory use of virtual platforms. The mental health and wellness challenges are presented according to three overarching themes identified during the data analysis (1) Expectations for "the forgotten ones": societal and selfimposed expectations put on women, (2) Disequilibrium and loss: the loss of classroom norms dismantled the teacher-student relationship and teacher's identity, and (3) Nowhere to hide the overt signs of loss: the actualities of the mental health and wellness impact. An overview of the findings within each theme, based on all 16 teachers, are presented first. This is followed by the findings based on the in-depth analysis of the six representative interviews.

Due to the unique context in which this study is situated, we begin by sharing teachers descriptions of the circumstances that they were placed in on Sunday, March 15, 2020, when the NYC mayor announced that the previous Friday was to be the last day that students would be allowed in public school buildings. When asked if she got to say goodbye to her students, Monica, a teacher with 23 years of experience replied, "…I didn't know it was happening. And I know they didn't either." The abrupt transition left teachers, students and families at a loss on how to move forward.

An older teacher, Anne, with 32 years of experience described how, It just kind of happened overnight…your whole world now has changed. You know, you had plans, whatever you were gonna do next week with the kids. And then it's like, OK.

That's it. It's all over… I mean, their things were left like their blankets from napping … It was as if somebody had to just evacuate their home. And leave everything as is.

The description of a home evacuation with young children encapsulates the immediate fear and trauma felt by teachers. Nancy, a teacher who had suffered personal trauma explained, Another teacher, Dimitra, who is an enrichment teacher for pre-K described the role of the government in managing the pandemic:

I guess now you know with this COVID. I never realized how much of a role the government does play in terms of…schools and decision-making. I hope they do make the right decision and not jeopardize the student's safety, the teachers' safety or the staff, because they want to get the economy going. And the reason, and the way to do that is to get the schools going again. I hope…they don't make any rash decisions now because, again, the schools are known for babysitting.

The voices and perspectives of four of the interviewed pre-K teachers-Monica, Anne, Nancy, and Dimitra-offer us insights into the sudden closure of schools and their feelings related to what might happen as early education is often deprioritized and seen as "babysitting." They detailed the abrupt nature of the transition and ensuing confusion and feeling of loss, akin to a "home evacuation." They also reflected on how it triggered their own past trauma and how it might affect young children in similar ways and weighed on the government's role and its decisions pertaining to pre-K amidst the pandemic. It is within this context that we situate our three themes, which convey findings from our analysis.

Throughout the interviews, all 16 teachers demonstrated an awareness that contextual factors beyond their control influence their teaching. This included an awareness of external factors regarding their program (e.g., physical space, school philosophy; 14 teachers) or larger scale (e.g., policy mandates, current events; 15 teachers). More importantly all 16 teachers described how NYC public school teachers were quickly thrust into the role of unofficial first responder as they were required to go back into the building the following week to attend three days of PD. However the rest of the city was in lockdown as the governor shuttered all nonessential buildings and people were asked to remain indoors. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) guidelines also stated that rooms should not exceed more than five people, each six feet apart, and wearing masks.

Our in-depth analysis of the six teachers' cognitive interviews offered more insight into how silent expectations played out for teachers. This is particularly important when considering that all teachers were women and impacted by societal norms which place them as caretakers.

While the immediate worry was for students, these six teachers began to endure the silent expectations placed upon them. For example, when asked if anyone within the DOE had asked how she was doing Nancy replied, "No, I don't think so. And it's that's the disheartening thing.

You know, I think that we've become the forgotten ones." Teachers were confused as to why they were returning to school. Each school was left to decide how to use those days best. Anne, who had just begun her first year teaching pre-K, though she had taught at the school for eight years and had been a teacher for over 20 years, described returning to school for three days of mandatory in-person PD directly following NYC school closures:

Anne: It wasn't really a PD. It was like 'try to figure it out'. It was a lot of, I don't know. It was a very tense time. I think 'cause everything was going to be new. Everything was going to be done by computer.... it was like people helped each other to get through.

Interviewer: Was the DOE there doing anything or was it all teachers supporting each other?

Anne: No. It was. They [DOE] were not there at all. So, you just had, like, instructions of, kind of, "figure it out" from above. And then you kind of tried to figure it out.

Interviewer: Is that common? Is that usually how it goes?

Anne: You know, I don't know. There's never been something as major as this. Which this was pretty major. So, I felt… 'Ok like the DOE could have sent or could have had, of course they didn't want to send because they were closing buildings, but they could have virtual PD, Right? But they didn't.

Interviewer: How did you feel about having to show up physically?

Anne: It was a little strange because if you're closing the school because you're not supposed to be with people...

Teachers were expected to be physically present even though it was not safe to meet indoors because of the many unknown factors about the virus. They were also expected to figure out online teaching and instruction in three days with little to no support or guidance from the DOE. As a result, our participants noted how they felt lost, confused, and ultimately sought technical and pedagogical assistance from other educators and family members.

This abrupt shift to remote teaching affected the teachers' mental health and wellness as they were coping with their own emotions and fears, but were expected to continue with their teaching. These stressors and how our participants described them show an awareness of self-asteacher along with the teachers' private and professional needs. The participants also expressed an awareness of their teaching process and an awareness of the learners as they struggled to mitigate the challenges of remote teaching and learning with pre-K children.

While some expectations were overt, such as returning to school for in-person PD, others were silent cultural norms embedded within the school setting that required teachers to choose between personal needs and silent professional expectations. Research (Garner & Kaplan, 2019) shows that a teacher's identity is based on the core beliefs one has about teaching and being a teacher, beliefs that are continuously formed and reformed through experience. For women teachers, these beliefs are often simultaneously influenced by male-dominant societal expectations that place women in positions of child rearing and caregiving (MacKinnon, 2009).

These "silent expectations" for ECE teachers tend to emphasize the importance of care, nurturance, warmth, and love about children as a key aspect of their identity (Barber, 2002; Harwood et al., 2013) , resulting in specific expectations placed upon women teachers by society and themselves, particularly during times of crises. Dimitra, who had taught for nearly 30 years-an older woman whose health is compromised with an autoimmune disease-described why she still decided to return to school: I mean, I brought a mask with me and they tried to keep my distance, especially from people who I saw were coughing. But I have to say, when we were in the auditorium all together, that did make me very nervous. But I mentioned it, I remember, to my union rep, that I didn't feel that comfortable being in there with everybody, but she said we kind of had no choice. So, I did it, but I wasn't I wasn't totally comfortable with it and I wasn't totally happy. But I didn't want to cause waves either, you know, get my principal upset because like I said, she's really great. So, I didn't want to be difficult. Dimitra showed an awareness of self-as-a-teacher when she described her private needs due to her health concerns. She also indicated an awareness of context and that because of COVID-19, she felt uncomfortable and concerned for her safety by being in a closed space with multiple people. This is one of many examples in the data where teachers expressed a concern for their own health and safety but eventually followed the silent professional expectations because they did not want to seem "difficult". In this way, the Framework helped us navigate the complexities of what the teachers were expressing in the larger context of the pandemic.

Teachers' descriptions of their decisions also highlighted the personal expectations that they placed upon themselves to act as if everything was okay. Monica described at length her thought process for choosing an end-of-the-year gift for students. She detailed the various online arts and craft sites she shopped through, the virtual apps she set up for students, her process for creating and laminating certificates and a poem about virtual learning and the year cut short.

However, due to the pandemic, she considered COVID-safe gifts, virtual companions, and a touch-free delivery method. When asked, "what compels you to do that kind of thing? What's that feeling?" she described the empathy that she has for her students and the need to show that she cares:

I feel like all of our kids have been robbed. They need something tangible. And some of my parents don't have printers. They're not going to be able to print the certificate. I mean, not that the certificate means much. I just wanted them to receive something from their teacher, so they know their teacher cares.

Another important finding was that of the silent expectations for teachers who were parents themselves. We highlight one teacher, in particular, Monica, who spoke about feelings of "mom guilt" and not being able to give enough time to their own children and families because of the blurred lines between their personal and professional life due to remote teaching. Monica had two daughters, in first and fourth grade. She mentioned:

In my own family, in the beginning of a pandemic, the girls were actually like excited to be home with Mom. Mom isn't running off in the morning. So, at first, they were liking that and then it slowly got to be like my 9-year-old said in this pandemic, the house is like a jail, the pandemic is awful, I hate quarantine. I would say there were definitely depression type behaviors. And they are still going on.

Monica expressed in great detail how she was feeling, "I'm the worrier, I'm the worrier internally. Like I worry all the time. Mom guilt. Worry. I'm full of all that." She elaborated:

The mom guilt like 'I could have always done that better.' You know. I'm not doing the best for my kids. I'm very angry that I allowed them to gain weight and be sedentary. Not that the options were that great, but we should have encouraged more physical activity.

And hopefully it fixes itself as we get out more. And you know what I'm always worried about, like the decisions that I make. Am I, am I am I making the right decision?

Throughout her interview she spoke about how she felt torn between her role as a mother and her role as a teacher. She stated. "But I think the worst part was probably being the teacher mom at home for my own kids…I felt that they came second." Finally, she said: I don't want to say that I've been pressured. But it isn't, what it is to be." She paused before saying, "Now I'm not These examples convey the silent expectations for teachers that affected their personal lives. The teachers expressed an awareness of self-as-a-teacher, showing the importance of their private needs and their family's needs. The teachers also portrayed an awareness of the COVID -19 context in relation to how these experiences impacted their students and the teachers' own well-being and teaching practice.

All NYC public school teachers moved to remote learning platforms when the city was sheltered in place. The 16 participants described the disequilibrium that was created in their daily teaching routine. As for pre-K educators, no teacher reported using any virtual/remote learning platform to teach or interact with students and families that went beyond texting or posting photos via a parent-teacher app (i.e., Class Dojo). Teachers described how NYC DOE mandated that teachers provide virtual learning through students' official DOE email address though pre-K students did not have any. Common across all teachers was a description of how the virtual platform directly contrasted with their belief and training, that young children learn through physical contact. The physical barriers of COVID-19 (e.g., masks, virtual learning, social distancing) are antithetical to young children's development (Bowlby, 1955) .

Teachers had a significant concern for how the virtual platform negatively impacted their young students. They shared how the transition was particularly difficult because early childhood teaching is grounded in the social-emotional development of young children. Monica, who had taught for 23 years, shared that students need to be with each other, she shared the negative impact that the lack of physical contact had on her.

Physical contact and relationship building are central to students' and teachers' personal development. All teachers described the loss felt from the transition to virtual platforms. Elaine shared that to validate children's feelings she would normally be "sitting with them and playing with them and talking to them and seeing their reaction and like just interacting," but now in the virtual classroom, "You really can't gauge or communicate with them in 20 minutes as much as you did in the school day." The loss of physical contact disrupted the normal equilibrium in the teacher-student relationships. As Rachel shared:

The children are now reaching a point where they might be hitting a wall with some remote learning…Children shouldn't feel that they have to be happy all of the time.

We're not robots. And we need to be able to say. I do not like this…You have to have a voice to say this type of learning makes me sad. Makes me angry. Makes me tired.

Here we noted how Rachel transitioned from talking about the students to saying, "we" as she empathized with the mutual frustration suggesting that she too was sad, angry and tired.

Anne described the negative impact of the virtual platform on students and its direct connection to how it changed her purpose as illustrated by the following interaction:

Anne: It's just a very different...very different feel from being there in person with the kids…looking at what they're doing, reacting to something they're doing. Now it's like, I don't know, you're in a different world. It's like you're putting on a show for them, you know. It's like they'll be watching me up on the TV screen, you know.

Interviewer: And what do you feel?

Anne: Yeah. I don't know, it's you know that human interaction is lacking. You can't go over and touch them if they're, you know, redirect them. It's just, you know, a very cold type of way to interact.

Teaching is a profession that demands a substantial investment of one's self. Teachers' personal and professional identity is constructed from the emotional aspects of teaching, their personal lives, and the social, cultural, and institutional environment they function in daily (Nias, 1996 She went on to say: "I'm always nervous because it's not only the kids because now it's the adults that hear you, so I don't want them to think like, 'Oh my gosh, doesn't she know her stuff'?" Teachers' identity was in flux as they struggled to delineate who they were responsible to in the virtual learning space.

These practice-based changes and expectations likely result in negative ramifications on teachers' mental health, wellness, and teacher-student relationship (e.g., Barrett et al., 2008) . The circumstances surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic fractured relationships between teachers and students. As illustrated by Self-in-Relation theory, this abrupt change to remote learning disrupted teachers' need for relatedness, likely resulting in adverse outcomes including teachers' vulnerable feelings of personal failure and rejection by students; this may be especially pronounced when relationships with students are physically separated as never before (Newberry & Davis, 2008) .

These disruptions and feelings of loss due to lack of physical contact with the students were expressed by all participants in varying degrees. In so doing, they showed an awareness of self-as-a-teacher, highlighting their private needs. It also showed how the teachers were aware of their learners' physical and emotional needs. In this way, the Framework helped us clarify how aware teachers were of themselves and their students.

The loss of in-person interaction and shift to virtual space created a significant fracture in the teacher-student relationship. As SiR theory posits, teachers need students to develop personal identity and maintain balance. It is within the relational connection that teachers find comfort and fulfillment. Rather than defining this as co-dependency, a pejorative male-dominant label, we found these descriptions by teachers to be evident of 'mutual reciprocity.' Mutual reciprocity is the emotional link that women and children have to one another (Surrey, 1991) . Their portrayals show an awareness of self-as-a-teacher, an awareness of the learner's needs, as well as an awareness of the COVID-19 context. Dimitra shared: I miss the personal contact with the students. You know, even, I know that we're not supposed to really hug them, but even just to give them a hug or, you know, a little high five when they do well with something, you know, they accomplished something that they couldn't do before. And I'm sorry, I get very choked up because I really enjoy my kids, my job. I love the kids.

Similarly, Nancy described her loss of identity due to the lack of interaction with her students in their classroom space: "I'm very disheartened, you know, and…I never thought I'd be saying this as a teacher. But I do miss the classroom. Yes, I do. I do. I miss the classroom. I miss my children. I miss being the biggest goofball." Her statement suggests that she can only be a "goofball" with them physically in their class. Dimitra described how students helped her: I was sick a while back, so it was a little scary. But it was weird. My antibody test came back negative. But I still kept teaching. It was great because it...kept my mind off not feeling well.

As evidenced in the examples above, the teachers expressed how the lack of physical contact and sharing space with the children negatively affected their sense of purpose and, therefore, their mental health and wellness.

During a global pandemic, it was no surprise that all 16 teachers were experiencing negative consequences to their mental health and wellness. Below we highlight the unexpected and lethal consequences that the teachers endured through the voices and experiences of Anne, Elaine, Dimitra, Rachel, Monica, and Nancy. Their stories show a range of awareness; some are completely unaware that they were suffering, others jokingly dismissed the pain endured or damage done. In more extreme situations, teachers described PTSD, depression, and suicide.

We begin by sharing examples of teachers' physical health suffering significantly following the loss of their students and classrooms. Elaine, a teacher who lives in a small apartment, unlike the other participants, described the discomfort of sitting in a foldable lawn chair all day, the struggle of setting her home as a classroom and her inability to escape it: Another teacher who expressed a similar health concern was Monica, a married mother of two So, no it's not good. And unfortunately, I've noticed that my girls have gained weight because I haven't been cooking. I will order takeout and there's no physical activity.

Monica gives us a glimpse into her personal life and how her family is coping with the pandemic. She is concerned about the wellness of herself and her family.

Teachers described experiences of being physically ill. For instance, Anne illustrates how her current stressful circumstance triggered flares of her chronic medical condition:

Anne: I've had health issues. So, it's always kind of a concern to me. But now much worse.

In the past, I've gotten cancer twice. And having that in my history, you know, getting something very serious is a major concern to me. And something that it is As teachers experienced overt physical health traumas, they lacked their support system, which had been embedded in their daily teacher-student relationship. Prior research substantiates the physical ramifications (e.g., sleep loss) following a disaster and/or traumatic event. Negative mental health impacts follow, such as decrease in a positive mood and an increase in negative moods, such as anger, depression, anxiety, nervousness, and confusion (Bower et al., 2010) .

Unlike the robust systems of support for students and families to process their personal trauma, teachers were left alone to cope.

During times of crisis (and times of calm,) we often ignore the burden placed on the teachers who are often also affected by trauma (Manning & Jeon, 2020) . Pushing the negative consequences aside likely became more difficult to ignore as the pandemic drew on for months without a known end. Teachers may share the trauma of the students and many have children of their own. This reality of "shared trauma" (Cohen & Collens, 2013) places teachers in a demanding position, as they need to be attuned both to their mental health needs and those of the children (Huggard, 2011; Sullivan & Wong, 2011) . Teachers' personal and professional identities often merge and can become a site for both fulfillment and vulnerability (Nias, 1996) as they struggle to balance personal needs with those of their students (Pilkinton, 2007) .

Teachers, who were balancing their personal impacts while supporting their students at school, also experienced poor mental health, including apprehension and fears related to job security, financial issues, and functioning at home in survival mode (Carlson et al., 2010; DeVaney et al., 2009 ). Although women teachers may willingly put their students' needs ahead of their own, the societal expectations to do so is highly problematic and exploitive (MacKinnon, 2009) .

When asked what she thought impact of the transition to kindergarten would be like for her pre-K students, Rachel shared, I think it's going to be very difficult. I'm not going to lie to you, I think, the children who are having emotional difficulties are going to be very. It's going to take them at least through November. So a good two or three months to really get into the groove of going to school, not being able to just... She then seamlessly and unknowingly transitioned to talking about herself and her family's depression rather than her students: I mean, the depression makes you very sleepy. I don't know if you've been napping a lot, but in this house it's like Audrey Woods, The Napping House [referencing a children's book]. I mean, it's, it's crazy. And then because you've napped so much. You'll have a difficult time sleeping at night but not because you have sleep disorders. It's because you slept all day. So, I try very hard now. To write a lot of lists. I'm sorry, I might be more muffled I was trying to peel a carrot. Because I like to do two things at once. This is like an issue that I have. So, I try very hard not to lay down because if you lay down, you are sleeping such a beautiful nap and then you're ruined for the night.

Using her expressed definition of depression, napping a lot, this teacher described herself as depressed though she was responding to a question about her students' transition.

Though pre-K teachers are often considered SEL experts, the six representative teachers struggled to explain how they actualize supporting their own SEL. When asked by the interviewer, "Would you know how to support your own teacher SEL?" Anne followed up by asking: "You mean for me to help the kids?" The following exchange ensued:

Interviewer: No. For you, for you, just you.

Anne: Oh, for me to help me. For me to help me? I think that logically. I know. I mean, there's a lot of talk even, you know, on TV, let's say, you know, how important it is, you know, books too for the whole picture to be in place. Like, your mind has to be calm for your body to be calm…I know a lot of things logically and how they should be. But again, I don't know. I don't know what to say to that one.

Interviewer: Ok, so you know logically that's it's important. But do you know how to do it? Anne: Yeah. Do I know how to do it? I guess. Well, I'm not so good at it. So maybe I don't know how to do it.

While Anne laughed at her inability to care for herself, others shared how their past traumatic experiences had resurfaced as a result of the pandemic.

Monica, a mother of two young children, described how she and her husband had fought over his insistence that she stay home from school to keep safe. She shared how her husband, who worked long hours, struggled with the COVID-19 pandemic, "I joke around about it and I say he's Armageddon man, but I do think in a non-joking way he suffers a bit of PTSD 4 from Sandy." Also referring to trauma from another crisis, Hurricane Sandy, Nancy cried and shared:

It's been hard, really hard. This has been a really, really tough for me. I have to be honest with you this has been worse than Hurricane Sandy because unfortunately, you know, it's Nancy made a parallel between her personal trauma of familial loss to that of her students' loss of her, their teacher, due to COVID-19 quarantine. Following this, Nancy cried as she confessed:

"it's just too much time to think." Crying harder, she uttered: "Way too much time to think." She repeated "way too much time to think" five times, crying harder each time.

Nancy's repeated statement suggests that she does not have time to think when she is in her regular routine with students in a classroom. With little means to process her unresolved pain, her thoughts of prior trauma turn suicidal as she says she has no purpose of living. She made a point to make a direct link to how her past traumatic experiences with Hurricane Sandy 5 form the lens by which she sees her students' experiences. She exclaimed, "My point of this with you, with this study is my-I didn't have anybody come to me during this quarantine to check if I was OK. But my main point was." While she cried, she uttered, "is that my kids were OK." She sobbed strongly and struggled to complete her sentence, "You know, I was so worried about my kids because they didn't understand what this quarantine was all about."

Similarly, another teacher, Rachel, confessed her feeling of isolation: I feel like, some people were angry that they had to work through their Easter break. I wasn't angry. I'm so lonely without my kids. … I'm sad on Friday because I'm losing my kids for two days… I fully believed that we were going to go back to school after the Easter break.

She then paused and asked, "Hold, can you hold on one second?" When she returned, she said, "I'm so sorry. That was my para's best friend, her husband, my para's husband died of COVID at 12 o'clock today." While interviewing, Rachel received a call on the other line that the husband of her longtime paraprofessional died due to COVID-19. This was an extremely difficult juncture for the researcher and participant. Rachel was in shock; at a loss for words after she heard this news.

Together, this example and the others shared showed how teachers were coping in real time with ongoing, immense personal loss and grief while they were teaching. This grief and loss manifested in increased stress levels leading to migraines, a reemergence of health issues like shingles, and suicidal thoughts due to isolation and loss of contact with students.

The present qualitative study sought to understand the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on teachers' mental health and wellness and how it relates to teacher practice and teacher-student relationships. Findings from the SiR2T cognitive interviews shed light on how the pandemic exacerbated previously reported teachers' tendencies to put students' health and needs before their own and to neglect their own mental health (Authors_2020). The pandemic also introduced and/or magnified serious threats to personal mental, emotional, and physical health. They navigated teaching without consistent physical contact and frequently needed to teach students and parents simultaneously. This pileup of stressors is likely to degrade teachers' ability to support the whole child. Teachers shared the trauma they experienced on every levelamongst students, parents, peers, and their communities.

The first theme that emerged from this study was the silent expectations, both professional and personal, that were imposed upon women teachers. Teachers described the silent professional expectations such as returning to school for in-person PD for three days even after it was announced that schools would be closed and it was unsafe to be indoors with too many people. This was particularly pronounced due to their role as women caretakers. The silent professional expectations were proliferated by society, school districts, school leadership, families and themselves since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Mainstream media, backed by research, has shown that moms are more often the ones supervising a child's virtual education (Hsu, 2020) . Our findings highlight how teachers experience that dynamic multiple times overinstructing their students virtually while also working as the primary parent to ensure that their own children did not fall behind with their own remote learning.

The second theme that emerged from this study is how the loss of in-person interaction (typically coded as awareness of interaction) and the shift to virtual space created a significant fracture in the teacher-student relationship. Throughout the coding and analysis process teachers did not explicitly exhibit an awareness of interaction, a major category within Framework. Thus, we can infer that due to the COVID-19 context that led to remote teaching, the teachers felt a lack of interaction and feedback from the students, which negatively impacted their teaching practice.

Extant studies have examined the importance of teacher-student relationships for children's development (Koca, 2016 ). Yet, much less is known, however, about how these relationships impact the professional and personal lives of teachers. Using the SiR theory (Surrey, 1985) and the Framework (Authors, 2020), our results demonstrated that the lack of interaction with students in physical classroom spaces led to teachers feeling a loss of identity. This is consistent with prior research, which emphasizes that many teachers define themselves as people through their professional roles (Nias, 1989) . As such, without the ability to interact and engage with their students to support the teacher-student relationship, the teachers in this study were losing their sense of professional identity, which cohered with their personal identity.

Finally, findings revealed that because teachers, particularly women teachers, cannot be separated from their profession (Nias, 1989) , their physical, emotional, and mental health was negatively affected by the abrupt changes to their personal and professional life (Jennings, 2015) due to the COVID-19 pandemic. The teachers highlight the negative emotional impact when trying to normalize and carry on, in contexts perceived as unsupportive (Kuntz et al., 2013) .

Interestingly, thematic analyses in this study with primarily White teachers during the COVID-19 pandemic, revealed themes that were similar to results in a previous study, utilizing the Framework and SiR2T, with 18 NYC Early Education Center pre-K teachers of color a year before the pandemic (see Authors, 2020 for more information on these findings). Teachers in the current study also demonstrated an underdeveloped identity awareness and compassion fatigue.

This suggests that these themes may be particularly salient for women teachers regardless of their race/ethnicity and global health crises. Because these themes confirm findings from a prior study (Authors, 2020), we do not fully explore them here.

There are a few strengths and limitations worth noting. First, one of the advantages of qualitative research is that it allows for exploration and understanding of phenomena or processes that have not been well-researched. This study involves white pre-K public school teachers in NYC who teach a large proportion of students of color living in poverty; these characteristics may influence their responses in unpredictable ways and limit the ability to apply findings to different populations without additional research. Notably all teachers had >14 years' experience and therefore had Master's degrees and an income of >$60K. While this is fairly typical for public school teachers in large urban and suburban districts in the Metropolitan area, teachers in Early Learning Centers and Head Start programs often do not have Master's degrees and make significantly less income. Second, the SiR2T cognitive interview design allowed for in-depth exploration of teachers' awarenesses in a safe context during an unprecedented traumatic global event. Nonetheless, considering this unique scenario, we suggest that the transferability of findings to other groups of teachers, in other settings, should be done with caution. Additionally, the SiR2T, unlike the more commonly used semi-structured interview with directed questions, utilizes word prompts to allow for a more open-ended response which does not guarantee collecting data on the same information across participants. Third, data for this study was collected at the height of the pandemic in NYC. Teachers who agreed to the interview may have been more able to cope or were less affected by the pandemic. This limitation is balanced by the opportunity to explore the educational impact of a disaster as it unfolded, the unique nature of the COVID-19 pandemic allowed us to do that.

To understand the complexity of conducting research during a global pandemic is to know that the researchers, participants, and co-authors continue to be in various stages of acceptance and dissonance with the uncertainty of this crisis. Because of this study's qualitative nature, the authors feel privileged to amplify the voices of pre-K teachers during this difficult time. We believe this is the greatest strength of our study.

When conducting ECE teacher research, the Framework can structure study design, direct intervention programs, guide the creation of new measurement tools, or analyze data that considers teachers' identity development. As a structure for research study design, the approach proposed in the Framework can be used to shift the paradigm of teacher research, recognizing that teachers, especially in ECE, are predominantly women. Thus their developmental trajectories of growth should be studied following SiR theory and other modern theories of women's development.

This study suggests the need to develop new measurement tools to understand the experiences of women teachers during crises. The COVID-19 pandemic is still prevalent globally, and there is still a great need to gather authentic data on the present and future impact.

To better understand the mental health and wellness of women teachers', new study designs should employ a feminist lens to consider how women's development is impacted by the dramatic changes to teacher-student interactions following trauma. The SiR2T is an example of a robust trauma-informed method grounded in feminist theory that enables researchers to gather data to understand teachers' awarenesses without pathologizing them when they show signs of distress (MacKinnon, 2009 ). New measurement tools should include questions regarding the teacher's identity rather than solely focusing on teacher practice, behavior change and work experiences. For example, adding caregiver questions in demographic intake surveys and information about the child's age would offer better insight into the expectations imposed upon these women as they are also fulfilling their teaching role.

Similarly, the lack of in-person contact with students in a physical space challenged a teacher's identity. Rather than considering this from a negative context of co-dependency, future studies could directly measure how physical interaction supports women's identity development.

These studies will likely require the development of new tools that can better evaluate the physical teacher-student relationship. These tools might include modifications to teacher surveys as well as observational tools used to study teacher-student relationships and teacher development.

Finally, measurement tools such as surveys and observations , could be developed to assess teachers' Five Awarenesses of Teaching. They could be used for research purposes or designed with ECE school use in mind (such as for use in PD programming, as described below).

Even in the absence of new tools to measure the Awarenesses, researchers may utilize the Framework to analyze existing observational or interview data.

Several implications for policy and practice emerge directly from the findings of this study. Our findings highlight the negative impact on teachers' mental health and wellness when trying to normalize and carry on in contexts perceived as unsupportive (Kuntz et al., 2013) . This suggests that policymakers and school leadership need to work sensitively and collaboratively with teachers during-and post-crisis to balance the needs of students to educational activities with that of staff mental health and wellness (Le Brocque et al., 2017) . Often, to address concerns about teachers' mental health and wellness, teachers are provided with access to mindfulness-based or trauma-informed programs (e.g., Hydon et al., 2015) . However, these programs often focus on occupational stress rather than on traumatic stress, primary or secondary, that some teachers are likely experiencing (Domitrovich et al., 2016) . Failure to directly support teachers mental health and wellness may inhibit the teachers' ability to focus on student recovery and learning and undermine both student's and staff's longer-term recovery.

Besides, any program aimed at supporting teachers' mental health and wellness needs to address societal pressures faced by women teachers using a wellness and strength-based model (Authors, 2020) . It is essential that policymakers ensure the dedication of social, emotional, and behavioral resources to schools. Schools, in turn, will have to ensure the creation of communities where teachers feel seen, heard, valued, and cared for (Luther & Mendes, 2020) .

Finally, the findings suggest the need to invest in novel approaches to PD that transcends traditional efforts to modify teacher practice through behavior change (Author 1, 2018) .

Designing PD grounded in the Five Awarenesses of Teaching would ensure that the development of women teachers' identity is supported (Authors, 2020) . This type of PD would be markedly different from a collection of one-off tools encouraging behavior change. Currently popular strategies are male-dominant and promote that teachers support themselves, including calls for practicing "self-care" via reflective practices (e.g., meditation) or physical activities (e.g., exercise) (e.g., Lesh, 2020; Roeser et al., 2012) . Rather than placing the onus on teachers to take care of themselves, as if they are responsible for the stressors they are enduring, the system should bear the responsibility of developing a sustainable model, and developmentally appropriate, process of support. For example, healing circles support each individual's healing process within a collective space of healing. Similarly, developing education journey maps could support teachers to represent the lifespan of their education journey as a student through their present-day teaching. This process would support their overall awareness development.

Ultimately, directly attending to the whole teacher and supporting relational identity development will better equip women teachers to nurture their mental health and wellness. In turn, they will better support students and families coping with trauma now and well into the future.

Although this study does have some limitations, as mentioned in the previous section, considering the importance and time-sensitive nature of our findings on the well-being of teachers, we believe that the results of our study should have immediate and direct implications for policy. Nonetheless, future studies should continue to explore these constructs as well as the policy and practice implications (e.g., PD programs) that result from our findings.

During times of crisis, teachers are expected, even more so than others, to continue working in crisis mode, without pause. This burden has particularly fallen on women ECE teachers. In the fall of 2020, when NYC schools reopened, pre-K teachers were the first to return for in-person learning. In contrast, high school teachers, a male-dominated profession, still had not returned for in-person classes in NYC as of February 2021. During and after a disaster, teachers, much like other essential workers during crises, are, by virtue of their professional roles asked to engage in emotional labor, risking their mental health and wellness.

Historically, education researchers and schools have required all teachers to adhere to male-dominant values of separation and individuality. Our field lacks a comprehensive understanding of women teachers and, importantly their relational identity development.

Consequently, teacher preparation programs, PD, study designs and teacher evaluations are not grounded in feminist models of teachers' social cognitive development (Author 1_2018).

Although our study's context, the COVID-19 pandemic, significantly influenced our findings, the underlying causes and systems in places perpetuate the themes found in this study. As seen in the SiR theory, awareness development is likely to embolden teachers to navigate beyond traditional physical classroom settings, irrespective of the changing landscape of education, to better support students' development. Findings highlight how researchers, policy makers, and education leaders may develop a model that better fits teachers' experiences and self-images to design more constructive educational strategies to foster women teachers' development from a strengths-based approach. 

Below we detail some sample transcription coding. This is not an exhaustive list of all of the codes used, but provides some detail and context within which coding proceeded. Included are segments of transcribed interviews with the pre-K teachers. The interviewer prompt is detailed, and some additional text is included to provide context. The phrase that exemplifies the codes are underlined, and next to it a notation of the code in parentheses and bolded. Codes used were: 

As noted in the Data Collection & Analysis section, detailed analytic memos were drafted for each interview that included an overview, direct interview excerpts exemplifying each code, analytical notes (AN), theoretical notes (TN), and visible themes (VT) in a two-column format (Braun and Clarke, 2006) . Coders noted patterns or responses in the analytic memo and suggested new codes. The discussion of each memo allowed the coders to iterate and finalize the codebook, code all six transcripts, and reach cross-coding reliability via intersubjective agreement. This iterative process continued for each teacher's interview until a final agreement was reached on all memos and interrater agreement ensured. Below is a sample of one of the analytic memos, to provide some detail about the coding process.

She is a very skilled teacher who strongly admits that she needs them just as much as they need her. When speaking of the current COVID-19 and remote teaching context she describes it as "great" because the staff has all supported each other. While she describes everything as great, she then shares an hour into the interview that she and her family are sleeping all the time and that sleep is a sign of depression. Shortly after describing sleeping a lot, she shares that she was happy to work through Easter Break because she "needs" her students, and she is sad without them. She then received a call that her para's husband had died of COVID-19. There was a stark contrast to her saying she was "ok" and describing her needs (of survival) which seem to sit in the relationship she has with children Awareness of Self as a Teacher: This teacher speaks of herself as a superhero and describes the ways in which she fulfills this role. Her identity is closely tied to her students. She sees value in being with them and describes her need to be with her students. It raises the question of whether her students are how she also is "surviving". 

Awareness of Teaching Process: Clearly a very experienced master teacher. She speaks in depth about naturally designing lessons and utilizing the context within her interactions with students. She places high value on the relationships she builds with students and families and attributes the relationship to her ability to support students learning successfully.

Planning, Decisions, Behaviors: Sometimes students are muting. You want to tell me about your response literature? [Gina] clicks. And I say, Momma…it's not your turn when it's your turn only you will talk. And she muted herself. But again, this is a child who was during the school year, frequently absent, frequently unprepared. Just, you know, it has to come from the home. So all I can do is just kindly modify the behavior.

AN: She talks about the students and families with a deficit lens. This is also a counter example for AoL and AoC (Family). AN: She's quite perceptive of student's body language. VT: Emotionality and loss of T-S TN: Consider T's connection to student emotion, mutuality FEEDBACK/NEEDS Unintentional/Emotional: The focus of the child, and also it depends on the day, if she has a bad allergy night her mom needs to be there with her because she's tired from the allergy medicine. If [she] wakes up and she's feeling well, she doesn't really need that much that much supervision far from her mom.

AN: Again thoughtful of student struggle to adapt TN: Does teacher recognize mutual impact on her emotion? 

A special duty of care': Exploring the narration and experience of teacher caring

The school as a source of support for Katrina-evacuated youth

The cognitive interview technique: Reviving the issues

Poor reported sleep quality predicts low positive affect in daily life among healthy and mood-disordered persons

The Growth of Independence in the Young Child

Using thematic analysis in psychology

Effects of ParentCorps in prekindergarten on child mental health and academic performance: Follow-up of a randomized clinical trial through 8 years of age

First responders in the classroom: Triage training for teachers to respond to students after a natural disaster

Whole school, whole community, whole child: A collaborative approach to learning and health

Home alone: The pandemic is overloading singleparent families

Handaxes, concepts, and teaching. Mind, Brain, and Education

Systems measures of a trauma-informed approach: A systematic review

The impact of trauma work on trauma workers: A metasynthesis on vicarious trauma and vicarious posttraumatic growth

Impact of hurricane Katrina on the educational system in southeast Louisiana: One Year Follow-Up

Children and natural disasters: A primer for School Psychologists

Demonstrating rigor using thematic analysis: A hybrid approach of inductive and deductive coding and theme development

Adapting the cognitive interview to enhance long-term (35 years) recall of physical activities

Field test of the cognitive interview: Enhancing the recollection of actual victims and witnesses of crime

Reliability and validity in qualitative research

A complex dynamic systems perspective on teacher learning and identity formation: an instrumental case. Teachers and Teaching

It's more than care': early childhood educators' concepts of professionalism

This is too much': Working moms are reaching the breaking point during the pandemic. Enough already: How the pandemic is breaking women

Caring for the carers: The emotional effects of disasters on health care professionals

Preventing secondary traumatic stress in educators

Early childhood teachers' well-being, mindfulness, and self-compassion in relation to classroom quality and attitudes towards challenging students

The prosocial classroom: Teacher social and emotional competence in relation to student and classroom outcomes

Women's growth in connection: Writings from the Stone Center

Motivation to learn and teacher-student relationship

The development of scientific thinking skills

Keep calm and carry on? An investigation of teacher burnout in a post-disaster context

Applying feminist, multicultural, and social justice theory to diverse women who function as caregivers in end-of-life and palliative home care. Palliative and Supportive Care

Teacher stress and second-hand trauma: Supporting teachers during re-entry

Qualitative Research Design

Qualitative data analysis: An expanded sourcebook

Toward a new psychology of women

The role of elementary teachers' conceptions of closeness to students on their differential behaviour in the classroom

Primary teachers talking: A study of teaching as work

Thinking about feeling: The emotions in teaching. Cambridge journal of education

Thematic analysis: Striving to meet the trustworthiness criteria

Teachers as first responders in tragedy: The role of emotion in teacher adjustment eighteen months post-earthquake. Teaching and Teacher Education

Self in relation theory: A Model for Helping

A synthesis of the literature on trauma-informed care

The human nervous system: A framework for teaching and the teaching brain

The potential of systems thinking in teacher reform as theorized for the teaching brain framework

Exploring social-emotional cognition and psychophysiologic synchrony during teaching interactions. (PhD Doctoral dissertation). Harvard Graduate School of Education

The teaching brain: An evolutionary trait at the heart of education

Teachers' Awareness of the learner-teacher interaction: Preliminary communication of a study investigating the teaching brain

With awareness comes competency: The five awarenesses of teaching as a framework for understanding teacher social-emotional competency and well-being

Transformative pedagogies for teacher education: Moving towards critical praxis in an era of change

When fulfillment is not enough: Early childhood teacher occupational burnout and turnover intentions from a job demands and resources perspective

Field research; strategies for a natural sociology

Coping with natural disasters in Yogyakarta, Indonesia: A study of elementary school teachers

Poverty and child development: Beyond the schoolyard gate

Good teaching" and "good teachers" for whom? Critically troubling standardized and corporatized notions of quality in teacher education

Teaching as a natural cognitive ability: Implications for classroom practice and teacher education

An enhanced primary health care role following psychological trauma: The Christchurch earthquakes

The" self-in-relation": A theory of women's development: Wellesley College

The relational self in women: Clinical implications

A paradigm shift: relationships in trauma-informed mental health services

New York Early Care and Education Survey: Understanding the impact of COVID-19 on New York early childhood system

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