Integration Two Korth 1 Catherine Wagner Moreau FYE 3 December 2021 Personal Development Furthers Possibilities I began my first semester at Notre Dame feeling very uncertain about what this new chapter of my life would have in store for me. As the end of the first semester approaches, I am beginning to realize and reflect upon the substantial change that I’ve undergone in so little time. Even though I’ve only been at Notre Dame for a few months, it feels like I’ve experienced at least a year’s worth of personal growth. Despite this, I still remain with many uncertainties about the future. In college, the possibilities for change are endless. In just one semester, I’ve encountered various people, lessons, struggles, and experiences that have undoubtedly impacted my life and opened up countless possibilities for my future. One of the most important lessons I have learned this semester is that it’s okay to let go of expectations. My entire life, I’ve been determining my self-worth based on whether or not I adhere to a certain set of standards. Expectations like keeping straight A’s in school, earning a medal at state speech, or getting into a top university dictated my life. These standards are sometimes created by society or friends and family, but they’re most often self-imposed. I’ve been told by many people in my life that I’m too hard on myself, but I’ve never accepted that they were right until this semester. There were many moments this semester where I struggled with feelings of self-doubt, failure, and overall inadequacy. These emotions typically arose after receiving an undesirable grade, struggling to keep up with schoolwork, or comparing myself to others. For the first time in a long time, I was failing to meet my expectations, and it was Korth 2 dramatically affecting my personal wellbeing. This is when I realized that it was time to make a change. I took the advice of an article we read for Moreau. “Remember that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. We will disappoint people. We’ll disappoint ourselves. But the world doesn’t have to end when that happens. Instead of letting your life be ruled by the expectations of others or your own expectation that you have to be perfect, what if you just did your best?” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Since reading this article, I’ve been working on managing personal expectations as well as the expectations of others by being patient with myself, anticipating all possible outcomes of situations, and prioritizing learning as my primary expectation in life. Doing so has improved my mental health and has helped me be more open to change. For example, even though my expectation coming into college was to major in political science and eventually attend law school, I am now considering majoring in psychology or Film, Television, and Theatre. Letting go of expectations has helped me expand my horizons and imagine many possibilities for my future. One experience that greatly impacted me this semester was the tension that ensued on campus after a student wrote a controversial article in The Irish Rover. She argued that Notre Dame’s handling of LGBTQ+ issues is incoherent with Catholic Church teachings. Being a bisexual man from a Catholic background, I was hurt by this article. One of my fears about coming to a Catholic school like Notre Dame was that I would not be able to live as my authentic self. Many other students shared my feelings and took to social media to express their frustration. Soon, there was an article written in The Observer that seemed to make a counterargument to the article in The Irish Rover. The article stated that Notre Dame has an opportunity and a responsibility to call more LGBTQ+ people into the love of Jesus. I was both impressed and https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Korth 3 inspired by how this author responded to the article from The Irish Rover. After the release of her article, many students immediately took to attacking the character of the Rover author. However, this is not an effective way to engage in public debate. “Our attempts to express our convictions should take the form of an effort to persuade. If I am confident in my beliefs, and I have love and good will for the other side, then it would be my duty to try to persuade them. And if I want to persuade them, then how can I vilify them? People are not persuaded by those who attack their character,” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week Ten). When engaging in public discourse, I aspire to be like the author of the article published in The Observer. The social and political crisis that we face in America is not going to improve if we continue to vilify one another. Another new experience I had this semester at Notre Dame was living in a diverse community of people. I went to a predominantly white high school and lived in a predominantly white town, so I only had a few non-white friends before coming to Notre Dame. However, my friend group now consists almost entirely of people of color. I now realize how important it is to have a diverse group of friends. Diversity in friendships breaks stereotypes, promotes awareness of discrimination or prejudices that different people face, and furthers understanding of different cultures. “People don’t even consciously realize how racialized and racist our society is, but change is more possible when we hear different voices,” (“Diversity Matters!” by Prof. Agustin Fuentes - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). I hope to continue hearing more diverse voices at Notre Dame; they can always count on me to listen. One unexpected way that I changed this semester was in my outlook on religion. I was hesitant about coming to a religious school because of some negative experiences I’ve had through my religious upbringing. Obviously, it’s not easy being raised Catholic as an LGBTQ+ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 Korth 4 person. I’ve always felt like I had to choose between my identity and my religious beliefs. However, I’ve seen a whole different side of religious people since coming to Notre Dame, and I’m now willing to reexamine Christianity despite having experienced religious trauma. Some classes like God and the Good Life and Moreau have also played a role in my religious revival. I enjoyed reading from C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters in Moreau. “Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys,” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I’m saddened by phrases like, “there’s no hate like Christian love,” because they show how much the Christian community has failed in spreading God’s love. However, I still think there’s hope for mending bridges between Christians and the communities they’ve harmed. This semester has been defined by the friendships I’ve made, hardships I’ve endured, and lessons I’ve learned. I hope to apply what I’ve learned and encountered this semester to continue growing in my personal development at Notre Dame. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/24970/files/188325?module_item_id=105117