Integration Three


Eulogy: What I Learned From My Father
Dear friends and family,

We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Timothy, my father.
Many of you here today may remember my father as a mentor, a companion, and a good

friend. To me, my father was more than I could explain. He was my teacher, my model, my
caretaker, and my cornerstone. As a kid, he embodied everything that I wanted to be. When my
playmates and I were playing the game Role Play, I always wanted to play my father, because in
my mind, my father was way cooler than Superman and Tik Tokers. I mean, who besides my
dad would actually go out of their way to spend three hours explaining utility functions to a
random five year old at the playground? (laughter) Anyways, I wanted to take the time here to
talk about three of the most important things I learned from him.

The first thing was to take the necessary time to reflect. I heard from a Ted Talk
somewhere that “the more facts come streaming in on us, the less time we have to process any
one of them” (“Why we need to slow down our lives” by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week One).
That couldn’t be more true for me when I first got to college. During that time, I was
overwhelmed with school work - I mean I was practically hunkering down in the basement of
Hesburgh’s library for days on end trying to finish assignments that were due in a couple of
hours. I focused on memorizing so much of the things that I was learning that I neglected to
spend the time actually thinking about what I was learning. However, in those dark moments, I
would always remember the times my father told me to breathe, take a step back, and examine
my emotions more closely. As Tasha, another TED speaker (And yes I know I mentioned a TED
speaker already) puts it, “At times, asking what instead of why can force us to name our
emotions” ("The Right Way to be Introspective (Yes, There's a Wrong Way)” by Tasha Eurich -
Moreau FYE Week Six). That is exactly what my father had told me. Of course it is easy to see
why I was so frustrated - I couldn’t help but blame my emotions on school work. But Dad taught
me a different way. He helped me to focus on taking the time to reflect and ask “What am I
feeling right now,” which grounds me in the moment, allowing me to calm myself down and float
above the waves of emotions.

The second thing that my father taught me was to discover my own unique self. I
remember when I was going through my first year of college, I was really unsure about the path
I wanted to take. There were so many opportunities at the Career Center at Notre Dame that I
didn’t know how to start. That, though, wasn’t the end of it. One night, I asked Dad how he
found his career. Instead of explaining his experiences though, he quoted a question from a
priest which says “What brings you joy?” (“Three Key Questions” by Fr. Michael Himes - Moreau
FYE Week Three). Upon hearing that, I didn’t have any words to say. I knew I had to take the
time to dig deeper. After a couple minutes, I said, “Well, I guess truth and liberty are ideas that
give me joy.” (Conversation Moreau FYE Week Five). Although I couldn’t see his face, I knew
that he was smiling on the other side of the phone. “Well, that’s a good start,” he said, “As a
student, I had somebody ask me the same question. At the time, I was really afraid of failing,
afraid of trying new things. However, my mentor encouraged me to go out and explore, and
that’s how I found my passion in economics.” That day, I think I learned what it means to look
inward, and what it means to take risks. “The only way to know about yourself is to test the
waters - just get out and experience life!” (“Navigating Your Career Journey” by Meruelo Family

https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-need-a-secular-sabbath/
https://ideas.ted.com/the-right-way-to-be-introspective-yes-theres-a-wrong-way/
https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/40336/files/475884/download?download_frd=1
https://undergradcareers.nd.edu/navigating-your-career-journey---moreau/


Center for Career Development - Moreau FYE Week Four). Whether it’s seeing Dad fail
spectacularly at being a volunteer ESL teacher or me trying to come up with a startup, I learned
that life is full of failure - but in the meantime we learn more about ourselves and develop our
character.

Speaking about character, the third thing my dad has taught me was to develop my
character. I remember as a child, Dad would show me documentaries of great, famous people
like Jesus, Father Pete, and Father Hesburgh. That really had a deep impact on me as I had so
many role models I could follow. For example, I once saw on a documentary of Hesburgh that
“Ted was a pontifex, a bridge builder” (“Hesburgh” by Jerry Barca and Christine O’Malley -
Moreau FYE Week Two). Although I didn’t know what pontifex meant at the time I knew it was
something important. I wanted to be a great man like Father Hesburgh, like my father. Once I
told Dad what kind of a man I want to be, he just calmly replied, “Son, being great isn’t about
being first, it’s about seeing eye to eye with others who are different than you.” That struck me.
At first I didn’t understand it, but later I read from a book that echoed the same sentiments
wherein it says “We have a chance, sometimes, to create a new jurisdiction, a place of
astonishing mutuality, whenever we close both eyes of judgment and open the other eye to pay
attention.” (“Chapter 8: Jurisdiction” by Fr. Greg Boyle - Moreau Week FYE 7). Many of us are
not called to greatness. Indeed as I got older I started to realize how ordinary my father was. In
his life, he never moved mountains, but he always treated others with respect and kindness. He
never closed himself off from an opportunity to engage with others. He was a different kind of
role model than Jesus or Father Pete. He was great in his ordinariness, and here I stand as
witness to his kindness and mercy.

As I conclude my eulogy I am sure many of you have shared similar experiences with
mine. Let us remember, then, the everyday moments where he shined and made this world a
better place with his sincerity and kindness.

https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/40336/modules/items/149229
https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/40336/files/523775/download?download_frd=1