Integration 1 Integration 1 March 4, 2022 A Journey into the Heart through the Mind Everyone has beliefs. Political. Religious. Moral. Everyone has beliefs. People can believe that their political party is correct. People can believe that their religion is the true religion. People can have different beliefs on what is right and what is wrong. Everyone has beliefs. Belief in God. Belief in others. Belief in themselves. Everyone has beliefs, but does everyone have convictions? Do people live with convictions? By definition, a belief is the acceptance that something is true or exists. A conviction is a belief that is held firmly. That is the difference. A belief is mere acceptance and acknowledgement of truth. A conviction is a belief that truly defines and inspires a person. Convictions influence the way that people think and act. Throughout my life, one of the most frequent questions that I am asked is, “What do you think?”. This question comes up in everyday conversations with friends and family. This question comes up in classes and homework. What do you think about this? What is your opinion on that? Do you believe this? Do you think that is right? Everything is centered around what you believe. Your convictions. This is how people learn who you are. This is how people define you. This is how you can learn about yourself. This is how you define yourself. As I was reflecting on the semester thus far, I asked myself, “What do I truly believe?”. While thinking about it, I arrived at the conclusion that in order to know my beliefs, and even further, my convictions, then I must try to know myself. An important part of knowing what your convictions are is knowing who you are because who you are influences what you believe. So, while laying in bed, I embarked on a journey through my mind to discover my convictions. Who am I? This question is one that people can never truly answer, as who we are, and our image of who we are, is always in flux. So why bother trying to answer it? Thinking about ourselves and taking a deep dive helps us to better understand who we are, even if we do not arrive at a concrete conclusion. One way that I try to learn about myself and who I am at this moment is through introspection, deep reflection on one’s self and actions. I think a lot, and thinking helps me to understand who I am and why I do things. When discussing introspection in her article, Tasha Eurich quotes psychologist, Anthony M. Grant, saying, “…people who possess greater insight — which he defines as an intuitive understanding of ourselves — enjoy stronger relationships, a clearer sense of purpose and greater well-being, self-acceptance and happiness…” (Eurich, 2017). This is my goal through introspection. I want to have a greater insight into myself. I believe that if I have a better understanding of myself, it will be easier to define the things in which I believe. Introspection has been of great benefit to me because it revealed two things of great concern to me: one, that I have trouble defining who I am, and two, the reason why I have trouble defining who I am. I realized that I have trouble defining who I truly am because my whole life, I have been told who I was and I was shaped into what people wanted me to be. Much of a person’s identity is how they were formed. People are taught a set of beliefs by their parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors. People are taught what is right and wrong by society. As I reflected on who I was, I realized that many times, it is hard for me to think for myself because I have always been told what to think, how to act, and what to believe. I am a cradle Catholic and my faith is very important to me. Many times, I think about how everything would be different if I was raised in a different family, culture, or country. We are formed by the environment in which we live. In his speech to West Point cadets, William Deresiewicz said, “So what I saw around me were great kids who had been trained to be world-class hoop jumpers” (Deresiewicz, 2010), and I think this can apply to me. My whole life, I have been trained to be successful. I have been trained to follow the instructions, and if I do it correctly, I will earn a good grade and be successful. That is the way I was raised. Follow orders. Pay attention. Get good grades. Introspection showed me that I too was a hoop jumper. Introspection led me to the conclusion that until I break out of that mindset of hoop jumping, until I get off the treadmill that society puts me on, until I think for myself and be myself, I will never be the best version of myself, only a fragment of that version. I ventured deeper into my mind, thinking, “How do I get off the treadmill? How do I realize what I believe?”. I began to ask myself questions about anything that came to mind. These questions were all random and some of them just led down a path that was very unproductive. I realized that I needed to ask myself more deep questions that were centered on my beliefs and values in order to gain a deeper understanding of myself. One of the questions that I found most useful in discovering what some of my convictions are was a question that Fr. Micheal Himes posed. Fr. Himes asked, “Is this role a genuine service to the people around you, to the society at large?” (Himes, unknown). Although I did not answer this question directly, it led me to think about what I believed was my role in the world. I began to think. Why do I get up in the mornings? Why do I study hard? Why do I try to be a good person? And finally, I arrived at a conclusion. I do not know all of my convictions and I could not list even a few of them. But, my one conviction that I concluded from my journey was this: I strive to be a force for good. This good does not have to be monumental. I do not have to be like MLK or Fr. Ted Hesburgh. I do not have to be some big figure who everyone knows. I want to do good every day. In the small and big things alike. I want to be that person who people look at and think, “He is a good person”. I want to change the lives of others, not in crazy ways, but in the sense that their day was better because I interacted with them. This is my conviction. Like William Deresiewicz mentions in his book Excellent Sheep, I want to be a good person, a good student, not just a successful one (Deresiewicz, 2014). I strive to be the best version of myself every day and to be a force for good in the world. I strive to do good. That is why I get up in the mornings. I want to make people happy and to help them in whatever way I can. That is why I study hard. I want to be successful so that I can help and influence more people with my profession, which is hopefully a doctor. That is why I try to be a good person, not just a successful one. I want to inspire others to be good as well. This is my conviction. Be a force for good. My journey through my mind and heart was complete. Or is it? Not really. My journey to self-discovery is just beginning.