Integration 2 Assignment Bryan Reaume Integration 2 3 December 2021 What Have I Encountered and How Will I Respond One of the most important questions that I have asked of myself this semester has been “What do I want”? With where I am going with my major, and what career I intend to join, I have few answers to. Julia Hogan, of Grotto, wrote that “Not only are these expectations arbitrary, but they will almost always backfire on you. You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life”(Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). I have often encountered dissonance in pursuing goals that have not been purely my own while trying to discover what I want. One specific experience I can point to was during my soccer career. I was on a team that I had played for for over 12 years, but I began to find that I was not happy on this team, as few of my teammates took it seriously as many began to fall out of love for the sport. I identified a new team that I could join that better suited my needs as a developing player, and began to train with them. After some consideration, I made the difficult decision to leave the team that I had played for all my life in pursuit of the new team. These players that I was leaving were more like family– I had traveled all over the country with the same boys ever since I was 6 years old, so leaving felt like treason. My old coach was very receptive of the news when I met with him, but asked that I not tell anyone on the team because he feared that many would also leave the team when I did. This did not feel fair to me. The mailto:breaume@nd.edu https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau expectations of my coach did not align with what I felt I owed my best friends. This was very hard for me as I waited for the coach to tell the team, but he never did. After days went by, I finally felt that I needed to stop “living someone else’s life”, and do what I felt was best. I told the team, and shortly after left, but I honored those that I had played with for my whole life, as I felt I should. In Week 10 of Moreau, we watched a video on the Kintsugi Workshop, where women create wonderful works of art by breaking pottery and then piecing it back together with golden glue(Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). I feel that I can strongly relate to this metaphor for life by analyzing the time I have felt the most broken in my life. Soccer had been my thing for all of my life, and I had put so much time and effort into this sport with hopes of playing at the highest level in college. However, when COVID hit, all college recruiting stopped, and I lost hope in playing in college. As the end of my senior year came closer, I realized that I did not feel the same happiness for the amount of effort put into soccer as I had in times past. With this, I decided to hang up my boots, as they say, and left competitive soccer. However, this effort of brokenness has only recently hit me. It used to be so black and white, but not I find it complicated as to who I am. Soccer used to be my whole life, what I dedicated all free time to, but now, I don’t have anything like it. My identity used to be black and white, but now I don’t know how I would answer the question “so tell me about yourself”. However, I think just as the ladies performing Kintsugi Workshop, there is some beauty in my brokenness. I have begun to realize that it is important to be able to look inside myself to determine who I truly am, and not have to describe myself with only sports or other trivial pursuits. With this, I feel that I have made something beautiful from my brokenness. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Everyone raves about the community that is the University of Notre Dame, but what is it about this place that makes it such a special community? While this question was once filled with much ambiguity, it has gained more clarity the longer that I have spent time here and pondered this question in light of what was said by Palmer in regards to community. “Authority is granted to people who are perceived as authentic, as authoring their own words and actions rather than proceeding according to some organizational script”(Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community by Parker Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven).It may be a little cliché, but I truly believe that being rooted in a faith allows Notre Dame to build a better community. This is because it allows people to act authentically in their faith. I attended a Catholic high school in San Diego, but the majority of students there were not Catholic. Paying attention and participating in the school masses were considered “not cool” and talking about your faith could invite some serious talk about you behind your back. I had seen it happen. This meant that no one could act as their authentic self– very Catholic students were suppressed by social pressure and un-Catholic students were further convinced that being faithful was in some way weird. Despite that being high school, where the standards for fitting in were astronomical, it was still a stark contrast to what I have encountered here, where people are regularly open about their faith and authentic in their actions and beliefs. As I’ve progressed in my journey at Notre Dame, I have realized that the hope that I carry has grown in importance tenfold. Life feels more serious in college– no longer am I just attending school for grades to get into college, I am not attending school because I want to learn in order to apply knowledge to a future career. I am also on the cusp of entering the real world, and life suddenly feels serious. Because of this, the highs and lows that I encounter feel amplified– the good times feel great and the bad times feel terrible. This is why holding hope has http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ so much more importance for me now more than ever. Just as Fr. King says, “In both light and shadow, the cross is Christ’s gift to us, our only hope”(Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Twelve).In the great times, I need to continue to remain hopeful for the future just as much as I must be in the terrible times. But this is not easy. It feels like when things are going badly, it is easier to beg God for change, but when things are going well, I can forget that all good things come from God. Even vice versa, when things are going badly, I can blame God and lose hope, and only have hope when things are well. In all events, it is hard to keep hope in these extreme highs and lows and this is something that I desire to continue working on throughout my time at Notre Dame. https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/ https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/