Week 8- Integration One Beautiful Belief I believe that I am searching for deep relationships based on vulnerability. I believe that I am searching for relationships with people with the same values as myself. I believe that faith is a process and that it must be prioritized in order to grow I believe healthy relationships are built on equality and a common concern for the other person I believe that setting high expectations for yourself is important for growth I believe it’s important to remember your past, but also realize when it is time to move on I believe that true intellectual growth comes through challenge and engagement with ideas I disagree with One of the most important core beliefs that I hold is that deep relationships are based on trust and vulnerability. Our ability to express our true feelings to others is what truly binds us to those around us. Although this is one of my core beliefs now, I did not always believe this. When this topic was first introduced in Moreau, I actually completely disagreed. However, we were encouraged by the readings to go back and determine how our past relationships were built. When I looked back, I realized that the moment that sparked my most important relationship was when I revealed, to a very distant friend at that point, that I had been rejected from the ND scholars program. I was even further challenged when listening to Dr. Brown’s talk when she revealed that “my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). As someone who always tried to control my relationships, this was really moving in how it's more important to let go of that controlling nature. Another aspect that I believe has been vital to the success of many of my important relationships is a shared sense of values. Coming from a Catholic background, finding people who share my same beliefs and can support my faith has always been very important to me. One of the aspects that has bonded some of my friends and I is when “Faith serves as a stabilizer and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKV0BWSPfOw&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=3 a constant in a life that may otherwise be disorienting or overwhelming”(“Student Reflections on Faith at Notre Dame” by Leo Class of 2022 - Moreau FYE Week Three). This quote from a Notre Dame Student on their faith experience I think really captures one of my core values that I look for in other people. I think it’s important to have this shared belief in the consistency in faith as it leads to the shared development of not only myself but also my friends. Moreover, I believe that a sense of equality between two people is essential for healthy and mutually beneficial relationships. Unfortunately, this belief has been formed by bad experiences in relationships with people in high school. Looking back however, I am glad that I am able to recognize this need for equality in my relationships and set it as a standard for my new friends. As mentioned in week four of Moreau “Endlessly venting about work, other friends, family, relationships, or life in general could indicate that your friendship is not balanced…” (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four) I know now that being able to identify and avoid toxic traits can help me to form stronger relationships based on equality. When someone simply uses you as an outlet, there is a mismatch in the purpose of the relationship and I know now that these types of relationships are unhealthy. Apart from my relationship with those around me, I also have very central beliefs about self improvement and development. I think the most important lesson that I’ve learned about my own personal growth is that I need to actively engage with things that I may disagree with or that I may not want to. One example of this would be in high school debates, I would often take the side of the debate that I disagreed with so that it would force me to research the other side and understand the problem more fully. During week two we discussed the development of the two adams within ourselves. One of the comments that really resonated with me was, “you [must] find the sin which you've committed over and again through your life, your signature sin out of https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YVemqUBaAs5DNBPYm806TyQZr3F0xElP/view https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YVemqUBaAs5DNBPYm806TyQZr3F0xElP/view https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ which the others emerge” (“Should You Live for your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). For me, admitting when I’m wrong, or in this case, a place in my life where I struggle and fail often, is not an easy task. However, my natural tendency to avoid confronting where I struggle, similar to resisting vulnerability, is what holds me back. In order to grow it is important to engage and recognize where you fail in order to fix those mistakes and grow. Another text that spoke to this belief was in week 7 where Payne described, “It sets people up to overgeneralize, sometimes leading to discrimination even when people feel they are being fair”(“How to Think about ‘Implicit Bias’” by Keith Payne, Laura Niemi, and John M. Doris - Moreau Week Seven). During week seven, I focused on the idea that oftentimes we act on unconscious biases and as a result we have no idea that we are acting unfairly. As a result, we have to challenge ourselves to accept that we have these hidden biases although we can’t see them so that we can resolve them. Although it might be difficult to accept this challenge, because we do not believe that we have these biases, it is a necessary thing to confront in order to grow. In addition, I also believe that setting high standards for yourself is also very important to personal growth. From a young age my parents taught me to set high standards for myself when there was something that I wanted. This lesson did not really affect me until I got into high school and my application to Notre Dame got closer. I realized that if I wanted to get into my top college, I could not be complacent. As a result, I set my standards for my grades and my everyday activities very high. I created a clear goal for myself to get into my top college. I saw a lot of parallels between this belief and Father Sorin’s vision for Notre Dame during week five. One of the quotes that stood out was Father Sorin’s mission to make this college “one of the most https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-think-about-implicit-bias/ powerful means of doing good in this country…”(“LETTER TO FATHER GENERAL MOREAU” by Fr. Edward Sorin - Moreau FYE Week Five). Although I believe that it is important to have values and standards that guide my day to day life, I also believe our perception and acknowledgement of our past is incredibly important. During week 7 we discussed the importance of the influences in our past, from our parents to the experiences that we had as kids. Instead of writing the normal QQC, we were able to write poems instead which has always been a form of catharsis for me. As described by George Lyon, “I believe that's what we're doing when we write or dance, sing or draw or practice any of the arts: we're listening to our hearts and expressing what we hear” ("Where I'm From" by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). Throughout high school, poetry gave me an outlet and an opportunity to reflect on my past. It always seemed that when writing poetry, it allowed me to open up and uncover the positive and negative factors that were influencing my present. It was through this artform that I began to realize the importance of the past but also the need to move on from our past. I found out that looking towards my past can help settle me as it served as a base, but constant reflection on the past was dangerous because it prevented further growth. Through this process, I discovered that although the past is important, it is more important to reflect on the past and learn from the lessons you have learned to move forward. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o56woQDq3QrRkziT8eYrvYly5CQaP2Vb/view https://drive.google.com/file/d/1o56woQDq3QrRkziT8eYrvYly5CQaP2Vb/view http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html