The beauty in brokenness The beauty in brokenness “You know we love you, and we know this is going to be an amazing opportunity for you to grow in all possible ways.” This was one of the last things my family told me before I headed into my boarding gate to catch the first of two flights that would transport me from Natal, Brazil to Notre Dame. During my trip, which was more than one day long, I reflected about everything I was leaving behind - my family, friends, and my comfort zone - and thought about my expectations for the next four years - which were, obviously, unrealistically positive. I believed that the problems I used to have back home would be gone, and that I would be able to have a fresh start. Although this was partially true - I had the opportunity to build new habits and relationships - a part of it was not: unfortunately, my issues would not instantly disappear, and I would have to eventually face them. During my first weeks at Notre Dame, my excitement was visible. I was fully devoted to making the best out of my professors and classes, while also getting to know about the university’s resources for academic and extracurricular endeavors. I would spend hours invested on homework, then work as if there was no tomorrow, and sometimes spend the rest of the day working on an extracurricular project. Some days, I would even forget to do simple things, such as eating nourishing meals or taking time to speak to my family and friends back home. Initially, I was able to sustain that hectic lifestyle. However, as time passed by, my excitement was replaced by a feeling of discomfort, which started as a slight distress, but eventually grew bigger and started to demand more of my attention, until I could not ignore it any longer. Throughout this first semester, I saw myself trying to constantly balance my academic life with working part-time and managing my own finances. Although this was initially simple, it started to become a hard task when my first midterms came by. During this time, I would constantly compare myself to my peers, and feel bad for not achieving the highest marks or participating in five different clubs. However, as time passed by, I noticed how our backgrounds were different, and how focusing on my journey should be my greatest priority. This way, when reading Julia Hogan’s text on letting go of someone else’s expectations (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine), I realized that giving too much importance to the way people expect you to behave may not make you the protagonist of your own life. However, coming to that realization was not enough to keep me away from “breaking”: having to deal with intense academic, professional and personal demands was feasible at first, but I soon noticed that it was not sustainable. Because I would usually occupy myself with these activities, I barely had time to get proper sleep or to meet with my friends. This slowly increased my level of fatigue, which I ignored until it started to affect me on a basic level. Suddenly, going to classes became a huge challenge, and that was when I realized that I needed help. Although I am still in a healing process, I try to see this experience as a learning opportunity: it taught me how to interpret signs of exhaustion, which will hopefully help me not to face the same situation https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau in the future. This reminds me of the art of seeing beauty in brokenness, something I learned about when watching a video about the “kintsugi” technique (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Additionally, going through the experience I mentioned also helped me to understand that I could count on the friendships I have made thus far at Notre Dame. From lending me class notes to staying with me when I was feeling at my lowest, my friends helped me in several ways. In Palmer’s text on community (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven), I encountered numerous similarities to my college experience, one of them being the importance of receptiveness to receiving help. Throughout my life, I have always tried not to rely on others, since I believed I would become a burden to them. However, my experience at Notre Dame taught me that learning to give and receive help is one of the key points to building solid relationships: being vulnerable enough to seek and offer support was a powerful tool to becoming more connected to my peers. Lastly, my first semester at Notre Dame taught me a lot about fostering hope. Feeling hopeful about the others, about my future - the list goes on. For Moreau’s Week Twelve activity, my question was, “How can I manage to maintain my hope even in moments of crisis?” Now, I realize how Fr. James B. King’s text (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education" by Fr. James B. King - Moreau FYE Week Twelve) might have given me that answer. When reading the excerpt about hope, I better understood how to implement it in my daily life: by understanding that each phase of my life is part of a greater process, and that trusting it can help me to deal with any significant changes that may occur in my personal path. Now, I understand that this is an effective way to remain hopeful when going through a difficult time. My first semester of college was very eventful: I was able to not only develop myself academically and professionally, but also personally. Although this brought me difficult challenges at times, I prefer to see the value those experiences brought to my life. From finally understanding what a derivative is to better managing my emotions, being a part of Notre Dame’s community has been a huge learning experience. This way, my expectations for the next year include continuing to develop myself academically and personally, while being mindful about my mental and physical well-being. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23692/files/187465/download?download_frd=1