Moreau First Year Experience
Integration Two
3 December 2021
Encountering Myself: Grappling with a New Life Experience in College
	I step off the airplane at O’Hare International Airport with my parents, who I have lived with and learned from my entire life, grab my luggage, pack into a rental car, and set off for a place I have never been, know nothing about, and will spend my next four academic years: Holy Cross/Notre Dame. Arriving in South Bend, my parents and I step out of the car, and it is unbearably humid and sticky. That’s new. I set up my room say goodbye to my parents and start meeting people from places and backgrounds vastly different from my own. They use different words, went to different types of schools, and think in different ways. That’s new. I go to bed 2,200 miles from the only place I have called home, unsure of what the future holds. That’s new. College is a drastic life change and represents a dive into new environments and a shift away from our comfortable and familiar lives. As we take this dive, we are left with a question: What do we learn about ourselves as our life changes rapidly, and how do we navigate the overwhelming burden of navigating this change through its many challenges? 
	New and different experiences push us outside of our comfort zone, out of the experiences we have known, and challenge us to adapt and learn. To cope with abrupt change, we must ask questions about ourselves that we may never have asked. When we are in familiar territory, we know what to expect. We know how we fit in and what our place in community is. We have routines and comfortable relationships we have spent years cultivating. That is, we know who we are, at least within the context of our familiar lives. We seldom ask deeper questions of our place in the world and who we are since our well-established place in community answers those questions. We still often question our identity regardless of whether our situation is new or familiar, but it is easier to ask those questions within the realm of our known experiences. With rapid change however, our well-defined relationships, community identity, and the sense of self that we tie to those relationships and communities all fade instantly. The journey into the unknown serves as a challenge: with rapid change stripping away the security of our comfort zones, we are challenged to rebuild new communities, relationships, and senses of identity. This journey forces us to confront ourselves—to look at who we are, what we value, and what we have experienced and use it to accept the challenge of rapid change. As college students, we are embarking on the journey of self-discovery and adapting to what is, for many of us, the most drastic life shift in our lives. I, since that first night in my new bed—I will say that my bed at home was one of the hardest things to leave behind—have accepted the challenge and am growing each day in my unfamiliar environment. I have encountered new people, places, and ideas, but I have also encountered myself: I have asked questions about my identity, grappled with the challenges of leaving behind my old experiences, and have newfound clarity of the issues most important to me. Most importantly, I have, in accepting the challenge of change, faced obstacles that have taught me the value of hope.
	One of the most difficult aspects of the adjustment to college is balancing the emotions of leaving home with the self-applied pressure that you must figure out everything early on. In her video “Advice from a Formerly Lonely College Student,” Emily Bergmann says, “Understand that your loneliness is not a failure, and that you are far from being alone in this feeling. Open your mind and take experiences as they come.” (“Advice from a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emily Bergmann—Moreau FYE Week Nine). I will openly admit that I was super lonely in the early days of the semester. I prioritize real connections in my relationships with friends, and it takes more than a few days to make build such connections. In the blink of an eye, I left behind the friendships I had taken time to build up and was left alone. I didn’t know any of these students at all and felt like I had little in common. Some students seemed, at least on the outside, to have already made good friends while I was just trying to get to know people. I feel like I have strong social skills, but I am not going to just automatically spend time with people out of desperation. I honestly don’t have a problem with being alone, so I don’t feel the need to force friendships with people right away. I related heavily to Emily Bergmann’s quote. I was alone, but I knew it was not out of my own failure, but because friendships don’t happen overnight. At this point I encountered my first question of identity. Am I the type of person who is insecure about social connection and will try to force friendships and fulfill some preconceived notion about college being the source of lifelong friends and endless parties starting in the first week? Or will I embrace the challenge of loneliness, find the people I think are right for me over time, and keep an open mind about where my relationships will take me? I chose the section option in a heartbeat. Once I embraced this perspective, I enjoyed being alone sometimes and spending time with people I genuinely liked hanging out with, rather than forcing anything. This attitude doesn’t mean I need to cut myself off and can’t continue meeting new people, but it helps me keep in perspective the fact that good friendships take time and effort, and I am not going to magically recreate my best friends from high school, which is impossible since everyone is unique.  One personal experience that represents this idea is the fact that the people I enjoy spending time with now are people that I slowly hung out with more and more over time, not just random people that I hung out with on the first weekend. And it’s not just in college where friendships take time. It took time to form a relationship with the person I would call my best friend—who I was friends with throughout high school and who attends Notre Dame as a member of the swim team. We laugh to this day that we didn’t even like each other when we first met, but now I can’t imagine what my life would be like without his friendship. The point is that relationships take time. There can be pressure to make friends right away based on our preconceived notions, and people often portray on the outside that they have already figured out all their best friends and are having the times of their lives—but this is not true. I know I am not alone in my loneliness, and that it will take time for all of us to adjust to this drastic change. There are so many emotions that come with leaving out family and friends (and comfortable beds) that it makes more sense to not have things figured out than to magically adjust in a week. The perspective I adopted regarding social adjustment told me about my own social resilience, and has taught me to be patient, have an open mind, and embrace my new situation instead of stressing about social pressures or our initial expectations of what college should be. 
	My experience so far in the Notre Dame community has also taught me about my own personal beliefs and what issues are important to me. Growing up in a community that prioritized education about the racial inequalities that still plague our country, I have strong opinions about racism and prejudice. In my community back home, my peers received the same education, and I was exposed to similar ideas and empowered youths who engaged in student activism in response to many injustices in our country. However, I have encountered different perspectives on many social issues in my time here so far. Issues are less frequently talked about, and there is more of a perspective of general human equality than taking immediate and aggressive action for change. I am not claiming to be an activist agent of widespread change, but as I discussed in my week 10 QQC, I believe that racism—both explicit and systematic—and how it is perceived in the public sphere is the most urgent issue in America. Here I encountered a second question of my identity. In an environment where some people I have encountered, have had different perspectives on how to approach racism, how am I going to react? Am I going to stand firm in my beliefs? Or am I going to compromise my own beliefs based on new perspectives? I chose the first option, but not without at least listening with what others have had to say. I am not all saying that I have met a bunch of racist people or that the words from Catholic speakers in the Notre Dame community are racist. I want to be extremely clear that I do not believe that. I just disagree with certain ideas on how racism is discussed and perceived, as well as what needs to change. In maintaining my own opinion while listening to others, I have emphasized a part of my identity that is resilient and true to beliefs that I think are right, while also being respectful of other viewpoints. In his Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement Address, Fr. John Jenkins says, after quoting James Madison, who speaks out against political fragmentation, “Two hundred and twenty-five years later, we are like actors following the script for creating factions: Develop strong convictions. Group up with like-minded people. Shun the others. Play the victim. Blame the enemy. Stoke grievance. Never compromise.” ("Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address" by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C.—Moreau FYE Week Ten). While I agree that we must set aside convictions and work together to compromise, hear each other’s viewpoints, and be respectful when solving problems in general, I maintain that on certain issues, such as the history of racism in this country, we must keep our conviction and deny some compromises, since compromise has historically been a way of getting activists to shut up. For example, whites holding positions of power were open to “compromise” with Martin Luther King Jr. if he were only less aggressive and more patient in his call for drastic social change. In my week 10 QQC, I did not focus on answering the prompt but instead getting my voice out there, a part of myself that I encountered because of my exposure to different voices. I would like to again note that I am not implying that people at Notre Dame do not understand this; I am just establishing that I have convictions and am also willing to listen and having debates that hopefully bring everyone forward to a better future.
	In my experience so far here, I have also encountered ideas on issues I have convictions about that have resonated with me. According to Professor Fuentes, “’Race as we use the term and classification is not a reflection of biological groups; therefore, patterned differences that occur between what we call “races” are not caused by inherent biological differences in these “races”. They are due to social, historical, political, and experimental contexts are changeable.” (“Diversity Matters!” by Professor Fuentes—Moreau FYE Week Eleven). He discussed the power and importance of diversity in combatting racial prejudice, and therefore why it is so important to continue to work to improve diversity here at Notre Dame. Combining Week 10 and Week 11, I encountered different perspectives on an issue I care about. They both have the same goal of fighting racism and racial inequality but seek to do so through different methods: (i) compromise and (ii)diversity and inclusion. Compromise is important, but with the important caveat that if it fails or is simply attempted to resist change, we must take other steps. Diversity improvement efforts for ND, resonated with me. My experience encountering these ideas, not only showed the beauty of a community of diverse perspectives and how they lead to discussions and arguments that give rise to new knowledge and ideas, but also turned a mirror on myself. Since coming here, I have become more enthusiastic about issues of race and inequality and have learned that I am able to hold strong beliefs, discuss them with others, and listen to other viewpoints. 
	Finally, I have learned about how important hope is to me. In Chapter 8 of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, Screwtape writes “Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemies will, looks round upon a universe from every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis—Moreau FYE Week 12). When we are at our lowest and find the hope to persevere, there is no limit to what we can achieve. There have been times this semester where I have been unhappy with my situation here in the ND community. The housing situation, missing home, being sick, freezing weather, general low mood days, but through it all I have kept hope that I will continue to learn and grow as a person, especially in the face of adversity. One personal experience I have had with hope and perseverance intersects with another aspect of my identity: my high confidence. I have always believed in myself and my ability to achieve and dominate in things I do, whether it be sports, school, or anything. I have a huge chip on my shoulder coming here for gateway: ND clearly did not find me qualified enough to admit me, so I will show them that they made a mistake by dominating in all my classes. I am confident in my ability to do this, and it has been my hope in the face of obstacles that has kept me set on this goal. Hope is also important in other facets: Spiritually and emotionally hope also helps us get through difficult times, and it is these obstacles that ultimately make us stronger.
	Imagine a plant growing in a forest. The forest has always been the source of water, sunlight, and nutrients. The forest is all it has ever known; its roots run deep in the familiar soil. But then one day, it is pulled from the forest and replanted in a garden. The new soil is different, and it seems as though the plants would have a hard time growing in the new environment. However, unbeknownst to anyone, the plant has the ability to grow in this new environment in ways that no one thought possible. The biology breaks down a little bit here, but let’s assume that the plant grows bigger, and the process of growing in new soil reveals abilities nobody knew the plant had. The point of my increasingly ridiculous story is that being uprooted from our lives seems scary at first, but can teach us a lot about ourselves and help us grow for the better. For me, it helped me realize my ability to keep an open mind about friendships and relationships and keep perspective on social experiences (Week 9). Exposure to a positive discourse of ideas taught me that I am strong in my convictions but also willing to listen and learn (Weeks 10 and 11). And above all, it has taught me that hope is the key to overcoming challenges, growing as a person, and adapting to new circumstances…like a hopeful plant shooting its roots into rocky soil.