Moreau FYE Integration 1 Quinn Elemer Barbaza Mr. Andrew Whittington Moreau First Year Experience 15 October 2021 Inner Peace: A Personal Query It is necessary to preface this reflection by confessing that my beliefs and basis of living have changed drastically in the short time that I have been enrolled at the University of Notre Dame. I believe these changes to be for the better, though the person I may have been in the past would likely disagree. Regardless, these beliefs have helped me know myself and the people around me better, beginning with honor. I value honor in the highest, and I believe that honor and respect are a basis upon which relationships should be built. Furthermore I believe in the importance of personal morality, not group morality. I live by a moral code I have developed over time and I strongly believe that doing so is a necessity to being truly happy. Due to that moral code, I believe in truth and genuineness, what you see is what you get. I will not pretend to be anything more or less than I am out of fairness and respect for myself and the people around me. I believe that empathy should predicate interaction and that there is no kindness too great to be forgone. Finally, I believe in second chances, and thirds, and fourths. I believe that the highest crime one can commit against another is preventing them from changing. The culmination of these beliefs has led me to live a more complete and happy life in which I am at peace. I have not been able to say that until now. A great deal of that peace has formed from my learning to be genuine. Being what I am without shame is something that has taken a lot of work and something that I still struggle with today, albeit not as much as before. I have always valued honesty and being myself, but I haven’t known who that is until recently. I realized the importance of letting down walls from week two. “You have to surrender something outside of yourself, to gain strength within yourself” (“Should You Live for Your Resume...or Your Eulogy” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week 2). This quote from Brooks personifies the realization I had about genuineness. I had to give up my security, the walls I put up to avoid being vulnerable, in order to become who I actually was. Who I actually am. This shaped my belief that it is important to accept and therefore live with my flaws and vulnerabilities, which is why I believe that being genuine is so important to life. This was proven to me once again when we discussed vulnerabilities back in week one. Listening to the video in week one opened my eyes, especially when Dr. Brown said “The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe they’re worthy of love and belonging” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown - Moreau FYE Week 1). I did not feel worthy of such belonging until I lived true to myself. This realization allowed me to become more genuine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=5 and that gave me a peace that only came from accepting my vulnerabilities. All of this shaped my ability to be more vulnerable and therefore more genuine, which grants me peace through life. Genuineness is one part of the moral code I formed about myself, which I choose to live by. I often wondered where my view of morality formed, as some of it is rather new as I have discovered while other aspects have been prevalent my whole life. Father Pete stated this perfectly in the discussion in week three. Father Pete says “there was no way I would have made it home that day without the help of others” (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” by Father Pete - Moreau FYE Week 3). So many different people have shaped my beliefs and my morality, from my father to my choir director to my baseball coach. My choir teacher, Mr. Grier, taught me about chivalry and honor, what it is to be a man, and that being a gentleman means taking care of everyone around you. It means that you treat the people around you better, not that you get treated better. My baseball coach taught me how to understand other people’s flaws and how to work with them. My father told me “You see everyone here, Quinn? Everyone needs food. Everyone eats” (“Where I'm From” by - Moreau FYE Week 6). For better or for worse, my family played a massive role in my morality. They shaped my views on equality and fairness by directly teaching me them. They also greatly influenced my belief that everyone deserves a second chance because they never gave me one. My family still holds my mistakes over my head, and that is why I promised never to do so to someone else. This belief and others are born of adversity more than anything else. I hated how I was treated and manipulated by my family, which caused me to form the opposite opinion: there is always room for forgiveness that I will give openly. This strongly correlates with what we discussed in week four, where I was interested in the line, “Friendships should make you feel positive and like you’re investing in something long-term” (“5 Signs You're in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week 4). Yes, this quote is limited to friendships, but it applies to all relationships in life. I did not have a positive middle or high school experience. But this lack of health in my relationships caused me to work to prevent anyone else from feeling that alone. Because of that, I strongly believe in second chances. The last, and possibly biggest aspect of my personality and beliefs is my adherence to a moral code. I don’t believe in group morality; I find it entirely too circumstantial and influenced by context. I have already explored the origins of my beliefs, but the importance I place with personal morality. One of the reasons I stick so closely to this is because for the longest time, this code was all I had. My family took most of my self-esteem, pride, self-respect, and personality and buried it under expectations and mantras. In that time, the only thing I felt that was truly me was my moral code. It was one of the only things that got me through the past couple years. Despite all of this, I would not trade it because this is part of me. As Fr. Kevin Grove says “There is no failure that grace cannot transfigure into a blessing” (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education” by Fr. Kevin Grove - Moreau FYE Week 5). This concept is a major part of my beliefs. I bear a lot of sorrow and guilt, but I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I have finally made peace with myself and that past is a part of it. I am aware of how limiting this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZMeqWWOIs https://docs.google.com/document/d/1T8GOwKTMI0gzcgAUhxeOSjVmxGXl-omtB9kLwmOS7h0/edit https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/ https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187 approach can be. As the NY Times says, “the same processes that make people smart can also make them biased” (“How to Think About "Implicit Bias” by Payne, Niemi, and Doris - Moreau FYE Week 7). The process that helped me survive can sometimes prevent me from seeing the morality in others if it differs from mine. This is why I try to always incorporate acceptance and empathy into my own code. When one adheres so strongly to a central idea there must be fluidity in that idea, else that person ends up alone. I ended up alone for the first part of my life, mostly due to the fact that my moral conduct did not allow for anyone else’s. Now, as I’ve learned more about the world and the people around me, I try to see other perspectives as much as possible and live with differences around me. All of this combines to shape who I am and what I believe in. I am, as always, a culmination of all my experiences and the influences of the people around me, and I could not be more grateful for where I am and the people around me. This is a truly special place that brings out the best in people. With my beliefs and a deeper understanding of myself and those around me, I cannot wait for what is to come. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-think-about-implicit-bias/