L I M E R I C K S By Daniel A. Lord, SJ. Ii"b K '1172.. SUNDAY STAMPEDERS Moss over, in panic they run like racers at crock of a gun. On itchingest feet They break for the street And then loaf about in the sun. LIMERICKS by DAN IEL A. LORD, S.J. THE QUEEN'S WORK 311 5 South Grand Boulevard St. Louis 18, Missouri Their praises, they freely allot 'em. But foibles ... to church they will trot 'em , Make ev'ryone nervous And break up the service. These pests! And each parish has got 'e m. ANY FINANCIAL PROFIT made by the Ce"tral Office of the Sodality will be used for the ailvancement of the Sodality Movement and the cause tJf Catholic Action. Copyright 1948 Deacfdffled THE QUEEN'S WORK FOREWORD AN ETIQUETTE COLUMN in one of the New York dailies once defined fine manners as " nothing more than the outward expression of a g racious spirit, a sensitive kindness of heart which shrinks from distressing anybody, from the highest to the lowliest." This clear defi- nitian of polite behavior gets dawn to essentials. The definition applies very well to our con- duct in church, especially during the holy Sac- rifice of the Mass. For there, we, the invited guests of the divine host, deal with the very highest, Our Lord and Savior, really present upon the altar. We come in close contact too with the lowliest of our fellow parishioners. Our deportment at this time is then a fair indication of our interior reverence for God and consider- ation for our neighbor. The canons of etiquette in church are few and simple. In fact there are only two-in- terior devotion and external respect. Deliberate b reaches af the former are best known and judged by God and our own consciences. Short- comings with regard to the latter however are all too often annoyingly obvious to others . It is with the thoughtless, unintentional infractions of this rule of outward respect that this pam- phlet concerns itself. A hearty laugh at one's own expense fre- quently proves a more effective cure than scold- ing and faultfinding . . . or may it be that the reader will find in these pages no cap ta fit himself? The able and discerning cartoonist whose apt caricatures appear here prefers, with a modesty that becomes him, to remain anonymous. The d rawings were published originally in series form in Stray Notes From the Shrine of the Little Flower; the monthly magazine of St. Peter Claver's Church in Brooklyn, New York. -3- Through Mass all around him he'll stare To see who have come .•. what they wear. His glance will not falter ... Except at the altar: He acts as if no one were there. -5 - AND SO LET US CONSIDER. THIS LESSON !="ROM THE G-OSpfL" :I WISI-l Gvv NEXT DOOR. To ME: wuz -HERe (+-lAT"UNJUST STEWARD" $URE: FITS HIM" With sermons he'll always agree. The lessons he'll rapidly see: "There's some I could mention Who should pay attention. Of course it was not meant for me." -6- He comes without prayer book or beads, And never his missal he reads. For golf •.• only dubs Come out without clubs. For Mass ... oh there's nothing he needs. -7- efaiecoming efouie He's there for the start of a game. At the movies Pat Prompt is his name. Into church he will walk Just too late for the talk. All sermons, says he, are the same. -8- At Mass without cigs ... it's too tough; He slips out to drag at the stuff. He'll soon have a spot That's smoky and hot. For a long purgatorial puff. -9- (fum- Chewing (ferNe Symphonic are Gert and her maw, Who wag a devotional jaw. Like cows without halter, Their gaze on the altar, They chaw . and they chaw and they chaw. -10- The altar he never comes near. In front pews he shudders with fear. He huddles from view Behind the last pew. Perhaps he's just guarding the rear. -11- They never catch cold in the park. At picnics they sing like the lark. But once the priest's vested, Their throats are congested. They cough and go rrrumph-and they bark. . -12- She sings only slightly off-key And smiles at her own harmony. For others who'd choke her, She sniffs, "Mediocre! I'm sure God's delighted with me." -13- Behold the church gossip! A Matron Whose scandalous tongue is a great one. Her buzzing would tease A swarm of queen bees. Is Saint Swalter Swinchell her patron? -14- An athlete, a golfer, a sport, In church he's the languorous sort. He clings to the pew Like the dampness and dew, With plenty of means of support. -15- At parties he sings like a skylark And leads the quartet in their high lark. But hymns in the church He leaves in the lurch And buttons his lips like a shy lark. -16- They sink to one knee, do these chaps, And follow the Mass through their naps. They squat on one heel, So weary they feel. They don't seem to kneel-they collapse. -17- He prays with the purr of a kitty, A town crier rousing the city. He mutters and moans, He gurgles and groans With piety loud but not pretty. -18- Watch - Watching Wlhe When into his pew he has dropped, His forehead is nervously mopped. He glares at his ticker With gloom growing thicker, As if he were sure it had stopped. -19- A juggler is Rodeo Ray. With beads like a rope he will play. He whirls 'em and twirls 'em. He clatters and hurls Most every use but to pray. -20- , em •.• He's young, but his knees must be sore. He ducks without touching the floor. His hinges are rusty. His pants don't get dusty. He's set for a sprint to the door. -21- Pete Pusher will anger and bore you. Look sharp or he'll probably floor you. You stand for confession. He cuts the procession. " I'm rushed; let me go in before you." -22- He knows that if he were the pastor, The church would grow better and faste r. He lists ev'ry lack •.• But on his own back The sheriff is stuck like a plaster. -23- He squats at the end of the pew And glares if you ask to pass through. He blocks like a hurdle And scowls till you curdle. I dread mountain climbing, don't you? -24- ~38 THE QUEEN'S WORK 3115 South Grand Boulevard ST. LOUIS 18, MO . 757480-001 757480-002 757480-003 757480-004 757480-005 757480-006 757480-007 757480-008 757480-009 757480-010 757480-011 757480-012 757480-013 757480-014 757480-015 757480-016 757480-017 757480-018 757480-019 757480-020 757480-021 757480-022 757480-023 757480-024 757480-025 757480-026 757480-027 757480-028