Looking ahead! ANCE AND GOOD MANNERS FOR :ATHOLIC YOUTH_No.3. c/fnne MX r/ LOOKING AHEAD! GUIDANCE AND GOOD MANNERS FOR CATHOLIC YOUTH—No. 3 By Anne C. Tracey OPPORTUNITY The best verse hasn't been rhymed yet; The best house hasn't been planned, The highest peak hasn't been climbed yet, The mightiest rivers aren't spanned. Don't worry and fret, faint-hearted; The chances have just begun. For the best jobs haven't been started; The best work hasn't been done. —Berton Braley. THE PAULIST PRESS 401 West 59th Street New York 19, N. Y. Nihil Obstat: Imprimatur : John M. A. Fearns, S.T.D., Censor Librorum. Francis Cardinal Spellman, Archbishop of New York New York, November 23, 1948. Copyright, 1949 , by The Missionary Society of St. Paul the Apostle in the State of New York printed and published in the u. s. a. $ BY THE PAULIST PRESS, NEW YORK 19, N. Y. Deaddled THE REAL MEANING OF GOOD MANNERS VERY kindly priest used to excuse the mistakes in eti- quette which he noted in children by saying, “Weil, it’s not so much the manners but the manner that counts.” He used to point out that if a cultured Chinese gentleman were to call on us immediately after arriving from China his manners would be all wrong as judged by our standards. But his manner would be perfect, courteous, serious, respect- Keep in mind that we may forget which fork to use at a formal banquet, and in our nervousness we may forget the right thing to say when introducing people. But if the man- ner is that of a lady or gentleman with a truly kind heart, nobody will think the less of us. Many have perfected their manners but they cannot hide the hurried, indifferent manner of their greeting. Many never make a mistake in form but their manner lacks warm sympathy for others. With whom would you rather live, the man of perfect manners who really cares nothing for you, or the sincere friend who occasionally slips on a rule of manners? Perfect manners can be learned by a selfish, smart per- son with nothing but contempt for his fellows. But the kindly manner, the royal manner, the kingly manner that bespeaks a warm heart can come only from a true man and a true lady. And how can one become a true gentleman, a true lady? How can one learn to treat everyone—the rude, the noisy, the impolite, the irritating, as well as the pleasant person — how can we learn to treat every person with good manners, a kindly manner, yes, with love? The answer is known to you. The Catholic boy and girl know that they must love their fellow men because in them they see Christ. This is the true spirit of Catholic manners. ful. [ 3 ] • 1 Uh | .-ioo.j^o i in iA3'M ja3*i . . . ' . ' . . . y ><>c n • • . Plan Wisely 1VT0 one can have his life to live over again to correct the ^ ^ failures of the past. You live just once. If you plan wisely early in youth, you will avoid the countless mistakes which are generally made by thoughtless young people. Your choice of vocation is one of the most important de- cisions you must make in life. A few fortunate boys and girls know at an early age their future course. Education and guidance will help them to begin life well trained and confident of the future. There are many boys and girls, however, who waste years of precious time drifting along without any goal in sight. It is only by seeking guidance from others, by patient study, and by self examination that they will be able to select a career best suited to their abil- ities and likings. Those who neglect this careful preparation in youth run the risk of suffering, disgrace, and failure in life. Your religion must support you in everything you do. Through faith in God and the practice of virtue you can be assured of divine assistance in every turn of life. Your goal is heaven and both fame and fortune must be sacrificed if necessary to obtain it. Whatever success may be achieved is worthless if it endangers your eternal goal. The ordinary laboring man who lives a just and honorable life is far nobler in the sight of God than one who sacrifices principles of faith and honor to obtain renown in the eyes of men. Live honor- ably and courageously to live eternally with God in heaven ! 1. Choosing Your Vocation 0 Decide early in life what your life’s work will be . Then lose no time in securing the education and train- ing necessary to attain success in it! Finding your life’s work is one of your most important tasks. The choice of a vocation may not be too far distant for some boys and girls, especially those who do not go to [ 5 ] college. For some pupils there exists the necessity of finding a job immediately after graduation from high school. Your future is too important to neglect, and success will depend on how carefully you train to meet future responsibility. Seeking Advice. Jim will have no trouble in finding out what he wants to do. He knows his ability and his short- comings, and it is probable that he will choose wisely. He likes mathematics and science and, if he can, he will take some engineering course in college to prepare for his future. Frank, too, seems to be blessed with definite gifts, for he likes to write and is a born speaker. He will probably choose law or journalism as his profession. Jane has always wanted to be a nurse. She is patient, considerate, and friendly. She seems to be destined for a career in nursing. Poor Bill is not too certain of his future. He changes his mind from day to day. One moment he wants to be a police- man; another time he hopes to be a sky pilot on a transport plane. He hasn’t sincerely examined his qualifications, his special gifts, or his opportunities for success and happiness in his future work. A little guidance will help Bill to decide what is best for him. Consulting parents, teachers, and books will prove of great value. More experienced persons who realize his skills and interests can help him make a worthwhile decision. Your Opportunity. Those who engage in certain scien- tific or business occupations may eventually find fame and fortune. New fields are opening today and, although they include some risks, nevertheless they offer greater possibility for advancement. There are thousands of different occupa- tions from which a person should be able to choose that one which will offer an opportunity for success. Once you have chosen a general field, you can narrow it down to a special branch. If you possess the interest and have the ordinary training, you can prepare yourself by schooling and hard work to meet the greater responsibilities of a job. [ 6 ] The Benefits of an Education. There will always be newsboys and rail-splitters who will rise to great heights. There will always be those who are blessed with exceptional gifts, such as the modern Lincolns, Edisons, Websters, Smiths, and Fords. Despite poor educational opportunities, they will rise to positions of importance, but the percentage of untrained boys who become great is very small. The uni- versal rule for success is a solid education and hard work. A high school education will give you only the general knowledge for attaining success in your career. Beyond this foundation, you must attend college in order to prepare yourself adequately for a worthwhile position. If this is impossible, you should endeavor to continue your schooling at night. The more education you have, the more fully you will be prepared for your job. It will also help to increase your mentality and your personality. The Highest Calling. Many boys and girls feel a great desire to devote their lives to God in the priesthood, the sisterhood, or the brotherhood. These chosen individuals are especially fortunate. They should treasure this religious vocation as a great gift from above. God will not send you an engraved invitation to join His select company. But it is not an impossible task to discover whether or not you have a real vocation to God’s service. 1. Correct Intention. A worthy intention is one in which you want to serve God more fully, to save your soul more surely, and to work for the salvation of others. 2. A Good Character. You must be morally good, that is, you must have a spirit of generosity, of humility, and of self-sacrifice. Your confessor will help you to decide this point. 3. Good Health. Work in the priesthood, sisterhood, or brotherhood requires moderately good health to carry on the burden of teaching, preaching, and hours spent in industry and prayer. [ 7 ] 4. Sufficient Intelligence. Depending on the type of work you will be called upon to do, it is natural that you should possess sufficient intelligence to meet the require- ments. The final decision on your vocation will be made by the superior or Bishop who receives you into the special type of life you have entered. You must go through years of edu- cational training and a time of testing which will give your superior and yourself a reasonable assurance that you have the necessary qualities to fit you for your vocation. A Successful Future. Is the amount of money you can earn the measure of a successful career? Is genuine success attained determined only by your capacity to earn a large sum of money? Th£ records will show many failures among those who made great fortunes. The ordinary wage earner who makes a satisfactory living, and who is able to support his family comfortably and meet his obligations to God and his neighbor is truly successful. If you meet these four conditions, you can be reasonably certain of a successful future: 1. Character. No one can be said to be truly successful who is not honest, straightforward, conscientious, and ambitious. There is no place in business for the weakling who is without purpose or interest in life. 2. Education. A thorough knowledge of your job is essential; this includes the special training which will equip you to be a leader in your field of endeavor. 3. Industry. Hard work and perseverance form the cornerstone of a successful career. Whatever your job, Work at it with all your might and do it well. Don’t depend on others; your ability to forge ahead will rest on your own hard work. 4. Prayer. “More things are wrought by prayer than man dreams of” said Tennyson. Placing our welfare in the hands of Divine Providence and dedicating your work and your success to God will bring down His [ 8 ] choicest blessings on your career, no matter how humble it may be. 2. Finding a Job Success in finding the right job depends principally on your education , personality , and perseverance. Jerry Malone, glanced at the words painted on the door of the office where he was to be interviewed for his first job. Mr. Eckert, Personnel Manager, it read. Jerry hesitated a moment and then turned the knob of the door leading to the office. It was an important moment in Jerry’s life, for on the success of that interview hinged Jerry’s chance for his first real job in life. Would he be successful in securing a job. Would Mr. Eckert be impressed with his neatness, his schooling and training, his personality, and his character. Before giving you the result of the interview, a brief study of Jerry’s preparation for this moment will help you to decide on the success or failure of his interview. The Right Decision. A great deal of Jerry’s future success depended on whether he made the right choice of a career early in life. This decision could be made only after he had made a study of himself, after he knew his likes and dislikes, and his particular talents or skill. Having chosen the general type of occupation which appealed to him, whether it be farmer, mechanic, painter, lawyer, doctor, or civil service worker, Jerry would have to make every effort to qualify for it by education and special training. He must never forget that one of the first questions asked an applicant is: “Do you have a high school education?” Employers now consider a high school education essential for almost all types of work. The Right Opportunity. This question now faces Jerry or any boy or girl who has the qualifications for a [ 9 ] job: “Where can I find an opening without losing too much time?” His aim should be to find the employment where he can advance most rapidly. This is particularly true if Jerry has some special training in business or in the trades. If he is ready for a profession, it will be necessary to open his own office or become a member of some firm until such time when he can start independently. The following methods will be useful to Jerry in seeking a job: 1. Consult his friends in business for assistance in securing a job; or make personal investigations after con- sulting special trade or business lists. 2. Fill in questionnaires on application lists where the waiting is not hopelessly long. 3. Keep searching until he finds what he wants; don’t be discouraged by refusals. 4. Enter competitive examinations for civil service jobs; if he fails once, try again. A Letter of Application. A letter of application is a common form of seeking a job. While you are still in school, you have occasions to apply by mail for a summer or part- time position. Your letter becomes to a prospective employer the only means by which he forms his first judgment of you. If he is impressed, he will want to interview you personally for the job. Observe the following points in writing a letter of ap- plication: 1. Write neatly, legibly, and in perfect English. 2. State briefly your qualifications, age, education. 3. Be clear and honest in your statements. Don’t boast nor beg for the job. 4. Give the names and addresses of two or three persons for reference. 5. Use good paper in writing your letter and follow exactly all the rules of punctuation in writing a letter. The following letter was sent by Jerry Malone to Mr. Eckert, applying for a position: r 10] 610 West 16th Street St Louis, Missouri June 1, 1947 Mr. Bernard Eckert, Personnel Manager Ajax Engineering Company 3 12 West Monroe Street St. Louis, Missouri Dear Mr. Eckert: On the suggestion of Mr. William Rice, I wish to apply for a position with your firm. Mr. Rice is an accountant with your Company, and he has informed me that there are several positions open for junior assistants in the mechanical trades division of the Ajax Company. I am eighteen years old and have just been graduated from Kendrick High School. During high school, I have been interested in mathematics and science, and in my senior year, I was elected president of the Science Club. Throughout my years of education, I have always received very high grades. My father’s recent death makes it im- possible for me to continue on to college, but I do hope to attend evening classes in engineering at some local college. I have known your Company for many years, and it has been my ambition to become an employee of your firm. I hope you will give me an opportunity for an interview, at which time I can show you some letters of recommendation from my school principal and my family doctor. Very truly yours, Gerald Malone. Employment Agencies. If Jerry had tried several pos- sible openings for jobs without success, he would have had to apply to a reputable employment agency. Here well- trained individuals would study his application and send him to various firms where he would be interviewed for pos- sible employment. If he is then successful in securing a job, [ li 3 he will have to pay the agency a fee, which is usually one week’s salary. The Interview. When applying for a job, a person’s appearance is just as impressive as his words. A boy or girl’s appearance may say this: “I’m lazy. I can’t find time to wash my hands, clean my fingernails, or comb my hair. I have not copied the good manners oi; others because I am not ambitious. You can see from my face that I am disagree- able. I will be just as indifferent, just as bad-mannered on the job as I am in looking after myself.” Good jobs are obtained after an interview with the em- ployer or with the personnel manager who is in charge of hiring employees. It is in the interview that your appearance is so important. A clean-cut, neatly-dressed individual, well- groomed from head to toe, will create a favorable impres- sion. Alert, clear answers spoken in faultless English, indi- cating your qualifications and training will be a deciding factor in helping you to secure the position. Letters of recom- mendation always carry some influence with the prospective employer. Here is how Jerry met the test. Mr. Eckert glanced care- fully at Jerry as he entered the office. Jerry was a little nervous but was outwardly calm. Mr. Eckert noticed Jerry’s neat appearance and after the introduction the interview proceeded in a very friendly manner. Jerry was secretly happy that everything was progressing smoothly. Mr. Eckert seemed to be impressed with his school record, his interest in science, and, particularly, his ambition to attend college to further his education. Jerry left Mr. Eckert’s office confident that everything had gone well. Several mornings later he anxiously opened a letter from the Ajax Engineering Company and could hardly restrain a joyful shout as he read — . . . please report for work next Monday morning. Jerry’s triumph was well deserved. He had climbed the first rung of the ladder of success. [ 12 ] 3. Steps to Success The path to success is open to everyone; if you have courage , ambition , and will power you can’t help but reach your goal. The auditorium shook with the thunderous applause of graduates, parents, and friends as the winner was announced for the General Excellence Award. It was the climax of an eventful graduation program, made more memorable by the presence on the stage of the Most Reverend Bishop. As Betty Jane Farley, the winner, crossed the stage, it seemed that her slight figure was lost in the folds of her gown. Father Hartigan, the principal of Cathedral School, hurriedly whispered to the Bishop: “Your Excellency, this girl has been a victim of infantile paralysis.” The Bishop extended his hand to grasp that of the girl, admiring the brave little face before him. “Congratulations and God bless you, Betty Jane,” he murmured. “May you always be suc- cessful and as happy as you are at this moment.” It was the most thrilling moment of Betty Jane’s life. Now all those terrible months of pain, those slow days of recovery, and the struggle to keep abreast in* school—all were forgotten in this moment of triumph. Tears of joy streamed down her face as she read the inscription on the gold medal: To the most courageous girl in the world. Secret of Success. There is actually no secret to suc- cess. One shrewd person analyzed it as “one-tenth inspira- tion and nine-tenths perspiration.” Most people agree that hard work is the true secret of success. Even persons who are not gifted with brilliant talents can attain success through persistent effort. The great tragedies in life are those who possess all the necessary qualities of intellect and person- ality and who end as dismal failures because they were shiftless and unambitious. [ 13 ] Making Good on a Job. When you have been accepted for a job, the responsibility for success depends upon you. No one likes an individual who is a “shirker”—one who does not always do his best. You must study your duties carefully, and perform them to the best of your ability. Don’t give the boss the impression that you know it all. Be eager to learn and seek help and direction from those who are more experienced. If you are willing to learn, you will find yourself steadily improving. It won’t be long be- fore you are moved up higher, particularly if you have mastered the job on which you are working. Loyalty to Employer. You should frequently ask your- self this question: What does my employer expect of me? It is simple to find the answer. If the boss were to give his reaction, he would say: Above all, I want you to be loyal to the organization. Be generous with your time, and oc- casionally do those extra little jobs which you feel should \be done for the best interests of the company. I want to depend on you for an accurate and thorough job. Be punc- tual and don't watch the clock for quitting time. Frankly, you won’t have to ask for an increase in your salary or for an advancement if you can fulfill these qualifications. Getting Along with Fellow Employees. If you were to ask a supervisor in charge of employees which employee she prefers, she would undoubtedly answer: Give me the sheerful worker. A girl like Terry will do. She knows how to get along with others and is always willing to co-operate. Her work is neat and thorough . Best of all, she is courteous and never rude. She is friendly to all and respects everyone from the boss to the messenger boys. She never acts as though she is superior to anyone. One of her finest qualities is that she minds her own business. [ 14 ] Hints For A Successful Career Here are just a few suggestions for getting ahead in business: 1. Health. You need strength and good health to carry on your work. Eat well, sleep well, and avoid bad habits. 2. Education. Get all you can. See that your employer is aware of your ambition. Look ahead to the next pro- motion. 3. Character. Be honest and sincere. A trustworthy employee is a real asset in any company. 4. Tact. Learn to get along with people without ruffling them or needlessly embarrassing them. 5. Talk. The gossip is a nuisance in an office, for he or she not only wastes time but often causes hard feelings and misunderstandings. 6. Perseverance. Stick to a job until it is finished even though it takes a few minutes overtime. Don’t give up if it seems too difficult. Don’t admit you are a failure. 7. Economy. Save some money from every pay check. It is amazing how regular savings, no matter how small, eventually give you the independence you seek. Successful Marriage. When you have attained some certainty of regular employment, when you have learned to save a little money, you will then be able to consider mar- riage seriously. Experience proves that it is unwise to marry unless you can finance your marriage. If you have learned to save for several years you can safely plan for a little home of your own. Many marriages break up because they are entered into hastily and with little or no consideration of meeting bills. A marriage has a better chance for success if built on the foundation of a secure future. A Successful Life. Have you ever noticed the people who seem to lead successful lives? Choose a few and try to find the reason for their happiness. You will generally find that an individual must be fairly successful in his work, happy in his home life, and interested in his fellowmen. [IS] Above all, he must be a success with himself. This comes from a knowledge that he is doing right, and is confirmed by an easy conscience. No matter what the cost, he is true to his ideals, faithful to his duties, and devoted to his religion and his God. This is success in its real meaning. 4. The Art of Conversation An essential part of the education of a lady or a gentleman is an accurate and refined use of the lan- guage. Your Daily Conversation. How many lessons in Eng- lish have you had since you started to school, Five thousand? How many years have you studied the correct rules of gram- mar. Ten years? It is amazing how little we know of our language after studying and using it so many years. It is only when girls and boys leave school to enter the business and social world that they begin to realize fully the value of correct English. For many, it is then too late to change, for strong habits are difficult to uproot and require great patience and perseverance to correct. Mastery of the three simple rules of speech will give you confidence in speaking correctly and effectively. These three rules are: speak clearly, pronounce words correctly, and use faultless grammar. Distinct Enunciation. Learn to speak clearly, without running words together; enunciate every syllable of every word. It is easy to acquire the habit if you will concentrate on one word at a time until you have mastered the art of speaking carefully and distinctly. Observe the following modern telephone classic showing how to murder the lan- guage: Jane: “H Jlo, Joe. Wadyaknow?” Joe: “Nuthin, Jane. Wajudo lasnight?” Jane: “Jus wentua show.” Joe: “Yeah! Howja like it?” Jane: “Awright ! Goodanuf ! ” [ 16 ] If you will analyze Jane and Joe's masterpiece, one fact will be very evident. It was effortless l Until they learn to control running one syllable into another and pause between words, their speech will be as unintelligible as that of an African Zulu! Correct Pronunciation. Words have not only sounds but accents as well. You can form the habit of correct pro- nunciation only by constant use of the dictionary , to find the marks over the vowels and to note the syllables which take accents. The following examples will show how you must study every word to find its exact pronunciation: Parochial (pa-ro ki-al). Four syllables; “ch” has the sound of “k”, not of “sh”; do not say pa-rosh-i-al, but pa-ro-ki-al. Theater (thea-ter). Not the-ater, but thea-ter. The first syllable is accented; “th” is pronounced as in thin. Surprise (ser-priz). Be careful not to say su-priz. If you wish to avoid mispronouncing a word, use the dictionary and become familiar with the Pronunciation Key. In a very short time, you will have developed not only the habit of correct pronunciation, but likewise self-confidence, which is an important asset for interesting conversation. Perfect Grammar. No one can consider himself well educated until he has mastered the rules of grammar. It may seem ridiculous while we are going to school to study such a complex set of rules, but it isn't any less intelligent than for a football player to study complicated signals involv- ing the Notre Dame or “T" system of playing football. Just as a football player who fails to memorize the plays endangers the team's winning chances, so does a person who makes serious grammatical errors handicap his own chances for success in life. Every student must overcome his particular ungram- matical habits. If you are in the habit of saying I seen, We was, They ainJt, and They have went, instead of I saw, We were, They are not, and They have gone, you are preparing [ 17 ] for many an embarrassing moment in later life. Perhaps everyone will not acquire a graceful and effective speech, but it is in the power of all to acquire the habit of correct speech ! Be a Good Listener. There is a great deal of common sense in the old-fashioned method of assigning Tommy to the background where he can be seen but not heard. It pro- duced a gentleman of far greater dignity and charm than the modern method of encouraging Mary or Tommy to share the spotlight in the presence of older persons. The best advice one can give a young person is: Be a good listener. The Voice. Your vocal chords comprise the most beau- tiful musical instrument in the world. From them can come melodious song, laughter, brilliant ideas, and pleasant con- versation. Consequently, you must protect your voice as you would a delicate instrument. It should never be abused by screeching, screaming, vulgarity, or slang. It should always be used as a means for promoting useful and worth- while conversation. A Guide to Conversation Conversation is a game entered into by two or more per- sons. It has a set of rules and penalties. The refree is society and the judge is frequently Almighty God. You play with words and you use them and turn them according to a fixed system. Success in the game of conversation depends upon how well you observe the rules of morality and good manners which govern correct conversation. 1. Charity. The best advice to be given on this point is: If you can't say anything good about a person, say noth- ing at all. Defaming the character of an individual is a serious sin and, in addition, makes the culprit liable to legal prosecution. 2. Attention. Look straight at the person who is speak- [ 18 ] ing to you or to whom you are speaking. Don't shift the eyes or look down in nervous or guilty fashion 3. Modesty. Be interested in others. Try to discover their talents or accomplishments so as to draw them into the conversation. It will keep you from speaking too much about your own achievements and will help to win the esteem of others. 4. Interruptions. When a person is speaking, it is the height of rudeness to interrupt the conversation until the speaker has finished. Pardon me is an expression which gives you permission to break into a conversation only if abso- lutely necessary. 5. Monopoly. Conversation is a two-sided game. Don't be a bore by doing all the talking. 6. Personal Remarks. It's bad taste to refer to another's weight, teeth, baldness, or other peculiarities about which the person may be sensitive. 7. Profanity. Cursing and swearing are not only sinful, but they are also an indication of a limited vocabulary and a poor education. 8. Lying. A lying tongue is like a serpent's deadly fangs, spreading venom on those it attacks, poisoning also the body and soul of the attacker. Liars are hateful to God and to man. 9. Contradiction. To call anyone a liar is very crude. If you disagree with a person, there is no excuse for insulting him. Don’t be an individual who is always contradicting people. 10. Tone. Try to develop a quiet voice. The more quietly you speak, the more attention you will receive. The Introduction. Even a tiny child can learn quickly the proper form of an introduction. A small boy removes his hat and a little girl smiles pleasantly when presented to someone. It is this early start that guarantees ease and good manners as young people grow into fine ladies and gentlemen. There are three general rules to be observed when intro- [ 19 ] ducing people. A man is always presented to a lady and a boy to a girl; introduce a young person to an elder one; and always present a less important person to a more important one. such as a man or a woman to a clergyman. Gentlemen shake hands when introduced. A gentleman never oners his hand to a lady when introduced, but waits for her to make the first gesture. A gentleman who is seated rises for an introduction. An elderly person is not expected to rise when asked to meet someone. An entire class stands in respectful attention when the principal or a distinguished visitor enters the classroom. Correct Introductions. There are several correct ways of making introductions. You may say, “Miss Jones, may I present Mr. Reilly;" or say simply, “Miss Jones, this is Mr. Reilly." Abbreviated forms, such as. “Meet Mr. Jones/ 5 or “Shake hands with Mr. Jones" are incorrect and rude forms of introducing people. Boys and girls should learn to make introductions natur- ally and properly. If the occasion arises for introducing people to each other, don't hesitate or be embarrassed. If you are in the company of your mother and you meet one of the teachers, say promptly, “'Sister Regina, I'd like you to meet my mother." Should you meet one of the priests from your school while walking with your dad, say immediately, “Father Smith, this is my father . 55 If you are in a group and meet a friend unknown to the others, be sure to intro- duce your friend to each one in the group. When intro- ducing people, pronounce their names distinctly! To all introductions, the proper answer is, “How do you do?" It is preferable to add the name of the individual to whom you are introduced, as “How do you do, Father Ryan?" In taking leave, you may say, “Good-bye, I am glad to have met you/ 5 or some similar pleasant farewell. The other person answers in return, “Thank you. I hope we may meet again sometime.' 5 [ 20 ] 5. A Young Man's Behavior Nothing so quickly reveals the gentleman as does his attitude toward women. The “Ideal Boy.” How do you think the average girl would describe her “ideal boy?” Would her hero look like a movie star or be just a little less than an angel? Let Miss American Catholic Girl tell you what she dreams as her “ideal”: “He doesn’t have to be handsome; but he must be neat and every inch a gentleman. The boy I choose must be a Catholic and live up to his Faith. I would want him to dress well, be clean looking, have an even disposition, and possess a sense of humor. I should like him to be ambitious in order to better himself. Above all, he must be considerate and respectful toward women. If he can keep up a conversa- tion, dance moderately well, and if he is thoughtful of me on a date, I would thank God every day for such a man.” Gentlemanly Conduct. A young man’s actions must spring from an inward desire to be kind and considerate. He must know how to act in public and practice the manners of an educated and refined person. These practices will keep him from making embarrassing mistakes and will help to promote friendships when people gather together. Gentlemanly conduct should shield a lady from un- pleasant or embarrassing situations. It is a gentleman’s con- stant endeavor to assist her in danger or hardship and to conduct himself on all occasions for her well-being and hap- piness. He is especially considerate toward older women and is attentive to them whenever the occasion presents it- self. A gentleman always offers a seat to women in a public bus or streetcar, especially older women or those who may be carrying heavy bundles. Social Customs. A long-established rule requires a gentleman to stand in the presence of a lady who is standing. [ 21 ] He also stands whenever a lady in the company rises to leave. A gentleman removes his hat in private residences, clubs, libraries, churches, offices, and whenever the intimacy of the place or respect and reverence suggest it. In apartment elevators, but not in office building elevators, an individual is required to remove his hat. Generally, when meeting a woman out-of-doors, except in very bad weather, a gentle- man removes his hat. A gentleman should never whistle to attract a lady’s attention; nor should he call to a lady beyond ordinary conversation distance. Walking with Women. A man should walk on the curb side or on the left side when accompanying a woman. He never chewrs gum, smokes, talks, or acts boisterous in the presence of a lady so as to draw undue and embarrassing attention. A gentleman offers his right arm when escorting a lady. It is never proper in daytime for a gentleman to offer his arm to a lady unless to assist her through crowded traffic. At night, the escort always offers his arm. You may offer your arm to an elderly woman at any time if it appears that the courtesy would be appreciated. George Meets Mary George must never keep Mary waiting, especially in a public place. He should always be punctual for an appoint- ment! If he goes riding with her, he should remember to open the door and see that she sits on his right. She pre- cedes him on entering a car, but follows him on leaving a car so that he may assist her. These little attentions are essential to the training of a gentleman. In going down the aisle of a theater, George precedes Mary until the usher takes the tickets; he then follows Mary down the aisle. If they must cross in front of others [22 ] in the row, he courteously asks, “Will you kindly excuse us?” When they reach their seats he helps Mary to remove her coat before settling down to enjoy the performance. During the show, George doesn’t disturb others nor embarrass Mary by loud laughter or unusual applause. Going Dancing. Every girl enjoys dancing. She also likes to go to formal dances. These are facts which George and every young man must face. Dancing is a social accom- plishment and. a source of great pleasure. George conse- quently must learn to dance well and become accustomed to dressing for formal occasions, such as dances and occasional parties. At a dance, George’s first duty is to his partner. He should introduce her to his friends and not dance with her constantly so as to draw unnecessary and unfavorable atten- tion. He should introduce her to young men who are acceptable and who would enjoy dancing with her. Unusual dance steps or routines which require more than your share of the dance floor should be discouraged in public. A young gentleman does not hold a girl too closely nor show too much attention to her. A dance is a healthful and pleas- urable exercise and should not develop into a wrestling match or an occasion to do a little petting. After a dance, a gentleman thanks his partner and escorts her back to the table or to her companion. A lady must never be left standing in the middle of the floor. Familiarity. If George wants to be respected, trusted, and liked by Mary, he must treat her as a lady. Any rude- ness, indignity, vulgarity, or familiarity will cause Mary to break off her friendship with him. A girl must not sacrifice her kisses or affection as the price of a date. True friend- ship and love are built on mutual respect and an observance of the laws of God. No lasting or successful relationship can be built on anything less than respect for womanhood. [ 23 ] 6. A Young Lady's Manners The most attractive ornament worn by a girl is her good manners . She Walks in Beauty. Every girl can be beautiful. She doesn’t have to possess the elegance of a queen nor the features of a model; she may be born rich or poor. Position or station in life makes no difference. A girl has the secret of true beauty if she possesses an inward kindliness. It will shine through her sparkling eyes and manifest itself in her friendly greeting, her generous action, and in her unaffected good manners. Such a girl walks in beauty! The “Ideal” Girl. At a meeting of the Catholic Action group in St. Francis Church, the topic for discussion was, “My Ideal Girl.” After several speakers had expressed their opinions concerning what an ideal girl should be, the group appointed a committee to draw up a list of those qualities which the “Ideal Catholic Girl” should possess. Here is the report of the committee: “The ideal Catholic girl has self respect and plenty of common sense. Her manner is always gracious and dignified. She can be gay when the occasion calls for it, but her laugh- ter is always controlled and her manner and voice is soft and ladylike. She is natural in the company of young men and does not flirt with every good-looking boy she meets. She is well read, modest, and tactful. She does not become attached too early in life, especially while she is attending school. If she can cook, she is the most desirable girl in the world.” Her Best Recommendation. A girl’s manners proclaim to the world that she comes from a refined home, has lived with well-mannered people, and has been accustomed to politeness and the finer things of life. She doesn’t have two sets of manners: one for home and another for strangers [ 24 ] and people she wants to impress. Her manners are her best recommendation to teachers, friends, employer, and to the many acquaintances a girl will make in life. They win re- spect from everyone. A girl will find that good manners will impress others more than the most expensive clothes. A Personable Appearance. Are you attracted to a girl with untidy hair, or to one whose school uniform or dress indicates lack of care? Most people admire neatness and cleanliness in a person’s appearance. Small details such as a run in a stocking, worn heels, dirty fingernails, soiled gloves, and other marks of neglect will give offense to others. No matter how pleasant and witty a girl may be, if she is careless about some detail of her personal appear- ance, people will avoid her. “What clothes shall I wear?” is a constant worry with girls. Today, dress is becoming more and more casual and the best plan is to wear what is suitable for the occasion. To dress beyond your family’s means is a sign of bad taste. A girl should have a few good clothes to live up to the circle of friends in which she moves. Proper care will make her clothes last longer and will give her the appearance of always being neatly dressed. As girls grow older, the use of lipstick, make-up, and fingernail polish become important to them. Parents should advise girls at what age to use cosmetics. Once again the rule is to go cautiously. Good taste will recommend shades which are not too vivid or ugly. Cheap powders, rouge, and creams, or too frequent use of these artificial aids to beauty can destroy the skin tissues. Remember to cleanse the skin before applying lotions or creams; these should not be used too early in life, especially to cover up an unclean face. Going Places. A girl’s best protection is her religion. She demands respect from young men who take her to shows, games, or dances. She isn’t rude to others nor does she allow others to be rude to her. A girl with the proper home train- [ 25 ] ing will quietly but firmly impress her escort with the necessity of acting always as a gentleman. A girl who is the life of the party at home is behaving naturally and properly. If she is the center of curious eyes in public places she is probably displaying bad manners. She should not make any effort to be heard or seen in public by her shrill laughter or loud conversation. Some girls are dull in the presence of other girls, but sparkle in the company of boys. Others are the life of the party when only girls are present, but disappear into the background when boys are around. Girls should be natural and pleasant in the company of both girls and boys and should avoid either of the above extremes. Boys like to be treated as human beings and not as curiosities. They prefer girls who are interesting companions at baseball and football games, or who themselves like to join in a game of tennis or golf. A Girl’s Manners. A girl of manners is never lacking in courtesy to anyone. She reflects good home training and always acts like a lady. She is respectful to her superiors and is kind and thoughtful to her elders. She walks erectly and is constantly self-possessed; she sits correctly and avoids awkward posture; she speaks and laughs quietly. She dresses modestly and is never conspicuous in public by her bad manners. Our Blessed Lady should be every girl’s ideal. Mary con- secrated Her life to God at a very young age. In imitation of Mary’s great purity, a young girl must be careful never to lose that virtue which is her most attractive possession. She reserves her kisses for the man God intended to be her hus- band. Being free with her affection in youth may give a girl false popularity, but secretly her conscience will disturb her. She will realize, perhaps too late, that she has lost her greatest attraction—modesty and purity. No man will ever propose to a girl whom he doesn’t respect and admire. [ 26 ] EXERCISES AND ACTIVITIES LESSON I Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volunteer to give a two-minute talk on each of the following statements: The percentage of untrained boys and girls who become great is very small. Four qualifications for a religious vocation are: correct intention, good character, good health, and sufficient in- telligence. Genuine success is not measured only by the capacity of an individual to earn large sums of money. Character, education, industry, and prayer are four conditions necessary for success. Your Classroom Activity 1. Use any thought in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well-constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Courtesy Scrapbook . 2. Let the class make a list of local industries and professions in which there are opportunities for trained persons. 3. Make a list of new fields in which there are great opportunities for success. My Resolution I shall offer a daily prayer to St. Joseph to choose that vocation which will best help me to save my soul. LESSON II Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volunteer to give two-minute talks on each of the following statements: [27 ] A letter of application becomes to a prospective em- ployer the only means by which he forms his first judg- ment of you. On the success of an interview hinges an individual's chance for employment. A clean-cut, neatly dressed individual, well-groomed from head to toe will always create a favorable impres- sion. An employer is impressed by your school record, your special talents, and particularly your ambition to con- tinue your education. Your Classroom Activity 1. Use any thought in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well-constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Courtesy Scrapbook. 2. Let one member of the class act as a personnel manager and conduct a few interviews. The class can keep a chart on each interview, marking the applicants for their answers and their conduct during the interview. My Resolution I shall examine my progress to find out whether I am merely drifting in life or whether I have set a course of action for my future career. LESSON III Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volun- teer to give two-minute talks on each of the folowing state- ments: Success is kl one-tenth inspiration and nine-tenths per- spiration.” No one likes a “shirker,” one who does not always do his best. Loyalty and dependability are qualities which the boss looks for in his employee. [ 28 ] Fellow employees like a cheerful worker. Experience proves that it is unwise to marry unless you can finance your marriage. Faithfulness to one’s self, to neighbor, and to God are the basis of true success. Your Classroom Activity 1. Use any thought in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well-constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Scrapbook . 2. Several pupils should go to the Library and exam- ine several biographies of famous men and women. Let them report to the class on those qualities which make these people successful. My Resolution I shall try to practice in school what will be required of me in an office. LESSON IV Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volun- teer to give two-minute talks on each of the folowing state- ments: Speak clearly, pronounce words correctly, and use faultless grammar. The best advice for a young person is: Be a good listener. Don’t abuse your voice by screaming, screeching, vul- garity, or slang. Don’t be an individual who is always interrupting or contradicting others. Boys and girls should learn how to make introductions properly and naturally. [ 29 ] Your Classroom Activity 1. Use any thought in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Scrapbook . 2. The class should be divided into groups of three in order to practice making introductions. 3. Each member of the class should keep a record of those who give two-minute talks. A vote can be taken to select the best speaker judged by his enunciation, pro- nunciation, and grammar. My Resolution I shall endeavor to correct my particular fault in con- versation . . LESSON V Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volun- teer to give, two-minute talks on each of the folowing state- ments: “The boy I choose must have a thorough religious education, and be considerate and respectful toward women.” Gentlemanly conduct should shield a lady from un- pleasant or embarrassing situations. A gentleman always offers a seat to women in public busses or streetcars, especially older women or those carrying heavy bundles. A man must be punctual for an appointment and never keep a woman waiting, especially in public places. At a dance, a gentleman’s first duty is to his partner. your Classroom Activity 1. Use any thought in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well-constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Courtesy Scrapbook . [30] 2. The class should make a list at the blackboard of those qualities which make a boy popular with girls and of those qualities which make him unpopular. My Courtesy Resolution I shall always treat a girl with proper respect and honor. LESSON VI Topics for Discussion. Several pupils should volun- teer to give two-minute talks on each of the folowing state- ments: A girl's true beauty manifests itself in the friendly greeting, the generous action, and in her unaffected good manners. A girl's manners proclaim to the whole world that she comes from a refined home. Excessive use of cosmetics can destroy the skin tissues. A girl's best protection is her religion. No man will propose to a girl whom he doesn't respect and admire. Your Classroom Activity 1. Use any sentence in Topics for Discussion and de- velop a well-constructed paragraph. A committee will select the best paragraphs to include in a classroom Scrapbook. 2. The class should make its own list at the blackboard of those qualities which would make a girl an “ideal" companion. My Courtesy Resolution I shall examine my own behavior to correct that fault which may indicate a lack of refinement. [31 ] V