f t W i ( i "8 M v x e d r t t T f i o o e . . . A \ > 3 SH Mixtò ü a r n a g e Outlines for Instructors by Rev. Benjamin F. Bowling, C.S.P. T H E P A U L I S T P R E S S 401 West 59th Street New York 19, N. Y. ARCHBISHOP'S HOUSE 408 North Charles Street Baltimore 1, Maryland October 19, 1954. Dear Father, In the hope that the following out- lines of six instructions prepared by the Reverend Benjamin F. Bowling, C.S.P. may be of some assistance to you who, I realize, are frequently called upon to prepare a non-Cath- olic for marriage with a Catholic, I have had them printed for your reference. As an appendix to these outlines, I have added the regulations which are to be observed in the Archdiocese of Baltimore in the celebration of a marriage between a non-Catholic and a Catholic. These modifications of previous custom have been adopted to emphasize the religious character of marriage. It xvould be disastrous if our Catholic people were to assume that they represent any mitigation of the attitude of the Church expressed in Canon 1060 which in establishing the impediment of Mixed Religion "most strictly and everywhere forbids marriages between a Catholic and a person enrolled in an heretical or schismatic sect." I have complete confidence that in the observance of these regulations, you will avoid this danger while achieving the purpose intended. With every good wish and with a blessing, I am Sincerely yours in Christ, 2 O U T L I N E O F S I X I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R M I X E D M A R R I A G E S REV. B E N J A M I N F . BOWLING, C . S . P . A few practical instructions to be developed or modified by the in- dividual priest according to cir- cumstances. List of Instructions 1. Purpose of Instructions - Promises - God - Christ - Church - Faith. 2. Creation - Grace - Fall - Cross - Sacraments in Gen- eral - Baptism. 3. Confession - Command- ments. 4. Blessed Sacrament - Mass - Holy Communion. 5. Marriage - Divorce - Birth Control - Mixed Marriage - Conditions. 6. Externals of Church - Saints - B.V.M. - Suggestions for Happy Marriage - Read Marriage Ceremony. Imprimi Potest: V E R Y REV. W I L L I A M A . MICHELL, C . S . P . , Superior General. Nihil Obstat: REV. EDWARD A . CERNY, S S . , S . T . D . , Censor Librorum. Imprimatur: © F R A N C I S P . KEOUGH, D . D . , Archiepiscopus Baltimorensis. Baltimorae die 15 Octobris 1954. 4 Introduction First Visit: A kindly reception of the non-Catholic party. I t may be his or her first visit to a Catholic priest or rectory. F i r s t impressions often make or mar the instructions to follow. While the perils of mixed marriage should be often stressed in the pulpit and presented to the young couple in a kindly constructive spirit, a tirade on the subject when they actually come to arrange f o r mixed marriage generally does more harm than good. What is said to the Cath- olic party is generally relayed to the Protestant and many of them who until this point were favorably dis- posed have been embittered and have turned away from the Church. From a long experience we find it is best to stress the wisdom and pur- pose of the instructions to give the non-Catholic party a better under- standing of the obligations he as- sumes in marrying a Catholic. I t is only f a i r to him, to his Catholic part- ner, and their f u t u r e children, t h a t he thoroughly understands the prom- ises before signing them. Explain that there is no obligation of any kind 5 in taking the instructions, and that he is free to ask questions a t any time. Urge both parties to pray earnestly—that God will guide and direct them and bless their marriage. First Instruction Existence of God: Necessity f o r First Cause, Who possesses in a per- fect way all perfections given to crea- tures in a degree. Hence, "Infinite Life" ( F a t h e r ) , "Infinite T r u t h " (Son), "Infinite Love" (Holy Ghost). The Trinity. Creation: God sharing His happir ness with creatures. Evolution— progression from lower to higher forms of life according to Law. Evo- lution, therefore, demands a Supreme Being and direct creation of first spark of life and first atom of mat- ter. Man's soul direct creation of God. The Fall. Promise of Redemp- tion. Chosen People. Divinity of Christ: (1) Fulfillment of prophecy. (2) His direct claims to be Divine. (3) Miracles by His own power and His own name. (4) The Resurrection—Jesus Christ True God and True Man. 6 Summary: Therefore, God gives Di- vine Revelation through Jesus Christ. Church: Stress the point t h a t just as God taught, forgave and gave His Divine Graces through Christ, so Christ teaches, forgives and gives His Divine Graces through the Church. The Church a long distance telephone through which Christ speaks in every age. "He who hears you, hears Me." Reasonableness t h a t Christ left an Infallible Guide to His teaching even as the Founding Fathers left a Su- preme Court to interpret the Consti- tution. Develop parallel. The Church, therefore, not a human and arbitrary dictator, but a Divine Supreme Court, through which Christ still teaches, still forgives, still gives His Divine Life. Petrine Texts. Use charts to show history of Church from begin- ning through Reformation. Reformation: Admit scandals in Church as there were among the Apostles. Christ guaranteed the teach- ing, not the conduct, of His followers. The Reformation throw out the Su- preme Court of the Church and sub- stituted opinions for dogmas, and for the Divine Compass of Infallibil- ity, the weather vane of private in- 7 terpretation. The sad result: over 250 conflicting Christian churches today differing on fundamental prin- ciples. Explain: Outside the Church, no salvation for those who know it true and deliberately reject it. No one will be lost except through his own grave, willful, unrepented sin. Stress the freedom of authority. The Church gives us a well-marked spir- itual highway lined with "spiritual filling stations" (the Sacraments) along the way. Any church claiming to be church Christ established must (1) by force of logic be able to trace its history in unbroken line straight back to Christ, (2) give one united system of teachings and Sacraments throughout the world. Therefore, only one. Stress, however, that each Church that broke off f r o m the Mother Church took many beautiful doctrines with them. Unfortunately, they also left many beautiful teach- ings and help behind them. The Church builds on the beautiful truths in your own Faith and puts them back in the original setting whence they were taken at the time of the Reformation. 8 Second Instruction Grace—Sacraments in general: Baptism: God gave divine life of Grace to Adam and Eve. Lost by the Fall. Original Sin. (Example: Father gambles away his wealth. Children come into world not with sin of gam- bling but without his fortune. So Adam and Eve lost the life of Divine Grace for us.) Divine Life could only be restored by God. Yet since man sinned, man should atone, but atonement had to be Divine. Hence Redemption. Diagram: Divine Grace given to Adam and Eve, lost by original sin, restored by Jesus Christ dying on the Cross and stored up in the super- natural reservoir of Church. Sacra- ments: Seven Divine channels bring- ing Grace to soul of men. Parallel of Sacraments with stages in life: birth and Baptism, growth and Confirma- tion, hospitals and Confession, food and Lord's Supper, leaders and Holy Orders (Mayor, Governor, President and Supreme Court compared to Priests, Bishops and Pope, the Su- preme Court of Church. Neither Su- preme Court can make new teachings 9 or laws but only clarifies the applica- tion of same in every age.) Marriage (civil) and Matrimony (Sacrament). Doctors at death—Extreme Unction. Sacraments give Grace directly. Amount of Grace depends on indi- vidual's dispositions and God's Will. Ceremonies of Baptism. Wonder of its effects. We give them Natural Life at once in Birth. We give them supernatural life at once in Baptism. (Develop) Highlights of ceremonies in Baptism. Why Catholic sponsors. Wonder of Grace in soul a f t e r Bap- tism. Stress wisdom of sending chil- dren to schools which give God and Religion an even break with the three R's. . . . Make it four R's instead of three! Third Instruction Confession—Sacrament of Penance. Christ forgave sins. Gave this power to the Apostles a f t e r Resur- rection. "Receive ye the Holy Ghost, whose sins you shall forgive. . . ." Just as He gave Apostles the power to baptize (give Divine Life) so He gives them the power to restore Di- vine Life. This answers objections 10 why not go direct to God. What right has man to forgive sins? Answer: As a delegate of Christ. Popular Objections: "All a Cath- olic has to do is to go to Confession and then he can do what he likes!" Ansiver: A Catholic has to do every- thing a non-Catholic has to do to have his sins forgiven and a little bit more! (1) Examination of Conscience. (2) Sorrow f o r Past (Stress Cross). (3) Firm purpose of amendment (Avoid setups). (4) Actual Confession (Stress advice and guidance). (5) Penance. Compare Catholics who go regularly to Confession vs. those who do not. Give highlights of Ten Com- mandments and the comfort and strength which Confession gives to millions. (Stories). Non-Catholics find this one of the most interesting lectures. Fourth Instruction The Blessed Sacrament and the Mass. As Christ hid His Divinity in the form of the Christ Child at Bethle- hem, so He hid both His Divinity and Humanity in the form of the Blessed l l Sacrament at the Last Supper. If God gives to us the power of trans- forming bread and wine into the substance of our own body and blood indirectly through the laws of diges- tion, why cannot He change bread and wine into His own Body and Blood directly? He said so. And this was the belief of the whole Christian world until the Reformation. The wonder of Bethlehem reflected in the Tabernacles of the world. Its con- solation to Catholics throughout the world. The Sacrifices of the Old Law were fulfilled in the Perfect Sacrifice of Christ on Calvary; and which is per- petuated in all the Masses of the World. One sun shines in the heavens and is reflected in all the windows of the world. One Son of God offers His complete and perfect Sacrifice on Calvary which shines through and is perpetuated on all the altars of the world. Holy Communion is God's per- fect Gift to us. Holy Mass is our perfect Gift to God. God gives us twenty-four hours a day, one hundred and sixty-eight hours a week. I t is fitting that we return one hour of di- 12 vine worship to Him each Sunday, in keeping with His Divine command to keep holy the Sabbath Day. Outline of the Mass: At the Last Supper, Christ did three things. He offered bread and wine to His Heav- enly Father—the Offertory of the first Mass; He changed bread and wine into His own Body and Blood— The Consecration of the first Mass; and He gave to His followers—the Communion of the first Mass. Beau- tiful ceremonies grouped themselves around each of these parts, and gave us the Mass as we have it today. Latin. Vestments. Offering Mass for loved ones and f o r special intentions. Illustrated booklets, like the "Mass Visible" or Mass Slides are a great help. The booklets, "The Mass" (Paulist Press) and "I See the Mass" (Queens Work), are liked by most converts as an introduction to the Mass. Encourage non-Catholics to attend Mass with their Catholic friends and pray f o r the g i f t of Faith in ALL of God's Divine Truths. Explain how Catholics, believing the Mass to be the Divine Form of Worship left by Christ, cannot con- sistently participate in non-Catholic 13 services. They may, however, attend non-Catholic weddings (valid) and funerals as a courtesy to their non- Catholic friends. Note: Faith of Our Fathers, by Gibbons, is excellent on Mass and Blessed Sacrament. Fifth Instruction Marriage (1) A Sacrament; (2) For Life; (3) For Children; (4) Mixed Marriages. (1) Marriage not only a civil con- tract over which state has certain rights; (e. g., license, blood tests, etc.) but also a Christian Sacrament over which the Church has certain rights. Hence, whenever a Catholic is con- cerned (whether two Catholics or a Catholic and a non-Catholic) there must be a Catholic Priest and two witnesses. Just as a Catholic may not go to the Judge or Minister for any other Sacrament, e.g., Confes- sion or Confirmation, so he may not go to them for the Sacrament of Mar- riage. _ {Note: Stress fact that non- Catholic marriages among themselves are generally acknowledged by the Church providing both parties are free to marry.) As a sacrament mar- 14 riage gives Divine helps to be true to God, to each other and to children (Develop). (2) Marriage is for Life. There- fore no divorce with remarriage a f t e r a valid marriage. Therefore no mar- riage can take place by Catholic Priest unless both parties understand and promise this in writing before ceremony. Correct popular miscon- ceptions on divorce and remarriage in Catholic Church. Contrast loyalty to one's country regardless of sacrifice and loyalty to one's marriage vow. Read: "I take thee f o r better or worse . . . in sickness or in health . . . until death do us part!" Develop. (3) Marriage is for Children. Therefore no artificial Birth Control. Birth Control is misuse of a faculty, like lying, gluttony or drunkenness; therefore, a sin against nature. Rhythm is taking advantage of breaks t h a t nature gives you (and that only for a good reason). Birth Control is breaking nature. Objection: "But the end is the same in both rhythm and birth control; therefore what's the difference?" Answer: "End is same in a savings account and bank robbery — what's the difference?" 15 Stress: Church does not say you have to have a child every nine months and five minutes, but she does stress sacredness of children. The child f o r which you have to sacrifice the most may be the child who will be your greatest joy. Examples—perhaps in your own family. (4) Mixed Marriages. Review in- troduction to first instruction. Every Minister, Priest and Rabbi urges whenever possible unity of Faith in marriage. That is the ideal. Father, Mother, Children all united in same Faith. (Develop) Catholic Church has a special precept against mixed marriages. But mixed marriages in a mixed population like the United States of America are often inevit- able. And sometimes they are not a bad mixture! (Smile!) But we say —face issues fairly and squarely be- forehand. Hence the Six Instructions now required to give the non-Cath- olic a better understanding of obliga- tions assumed in marrying a Cath- olic. The Instructions are also help- f u l in giving the Catholic a review of his Faith and a deeper apprecia- tion of his obligations in a mixed marriage. 16 Sixth Instruction Sacramentáis, Tour of Church, Varia. Sign of Cross, Holy Water, Genuflections. Medals. Devotion to Blessed Virgin Mary (stress). Purga- tory, Prayers for Dead. At the Wed- ding rehearsal in church (try to have one—even f o r very small wed- dings; it puts the non-Catholic more at ease), there is an excellent oppor- tunity to explain and show the Confessional, Sanctuary Lamp, etc. Genuflections in honor of Our Lord's Real Presence, Non-Catholic •, may genuflect to God in general as. a cour- tesy to their Catholic friend. On en- tering the church, if the Priest low- ers his voice and explains this reverence to Our Lord, Real Presence, non-Catholics are generally most reverent. The Eucharistic Fast. The laws of Fast and Abstinence and the reasons for then}. 17 R E A D I N G M A T T E R H E L P F U L P A M P H L E T S : I Believe In God, by McGinn; Divinity of Christ, by Gillis; Eve of Marriage, by Ber- ger (General) ; Why Not A Mixed Marriage (Objections and Dangers), by O'Brien; Shall We Have Children, Baltimore Panel, by Dr. Galvin, Fr. Connell, et al; The Mass, small but well liked by non-Catholics; all by Paulist Press, 401 W. 59th St., N. Y. C. Finding Christ's Church, by O'Brien, Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Ind., is excellent, complete with charts, dates, etc. What You Should Know About Catholics, by F r . Wade, small but excellent summary of ob- jections against the Church, 1005 N. E. 16th St., Oklahoma City, Okla. Chart of Churches, by Markoe, Vin- centian Press, St. Louis. B O O K S : Sharing the Faith, by F r . O'Brien, Our Sunday Visitor Press, gives suggestions of some thirty Bishops and Priests on convert work. In Chapter 12 there is a fairly com- plete answer to most of the objections to signing the promises in mixed marriages. Now I see, by Lunn; Re- building a Lost Faith, by Stoddard; 18 The Faith of Our Fathers, by Gib- bons; Fr. O'Brien's convert stories, The Road to Damascus; The Meaning of Life and Marriage by Baron von Gagern, M.D., are all excellent and helpful references for different types of converts. Suggestions For a Happy Marriage (Develop) 1. Keep little things little and big things big. Happy couples strive f o r unity in fundamental principles; in non-fundamentals, liberty. In all things—charity. Good cooking and housekeeping aid domestic peace. 2. Live within your means. Don't get used to two salaries f o r two and have to drop back to one salary f o r three. Beware of charge accounts. 3. When possible park your home f a r from both mothers. In-laws often become out-laws. Visit often, but don't bind yourself to regular visits. 4. Pick the right time, the right place and the right way to make cor- rections. Strive always f o r the posi- tive, tactful approach. 5. Show appreciation f o r little 19 things. Take nothing for granted. Wives especially center life on the little things that men forget. 6. Remember marriage is a part- nership, not a dictatorship. Individual personality and God. Mutual thought- fulness. Love too often becomes a tyranny. 7. Remember dates and anniversa- ries. They are important. 8. Frankness and open-ness on both sides. Don't hoard grievances. Get them off your chest, but, watch your "timing"! 9. What happens at home keep at home; otherwise it generally comes back in garbled form. Be friendly but reserved with neighbors. 10. Watch drinking and gambling. These two habits alone have marred countless homes. (Examples.) 11. Choose your friends carefully, when inviting them to your home. They can make or break a marriage. 12. Recreation money. Get out at times regularly—just the two of you. 13. Have your children early, and find time f o r them. This is the real happiness of marriage. 20 14. Religion can become a bond or a barrier. Unity of Faith is the Christian ideal. Pray together and attend Mass together often. The Christian Home! 15. Stress the obligation of sending the children to Catholic School if pos- sible where God, Our Lord, and the precious teaching of Christianity will have an equal place with their ABC's. Religion, like the love of Father and Mother, is not something to be lim- ited to one dry Sunday School lesson each week, but should be interwoven all through their little lives. Urge a visit to the first grade room of a Catholic school some Sunday a f t e r - noon, getting the teacher in charge to explain the pattern of her instruc- tions. This will do more good to break down prejudice against Catholic edu- cation than anything else. . Read slowly our Marriage Cere- mony. Urge a complete course of in- structions later on. 21 O B J E C T I O N S I. Objections against the promises are often raised. Admit frankly t h a t the promises do seem at first to be one-sided and unfair. One priest startled the non-Catholic party, not to mention the Catholic by saying, "Personally, I wouldn't sign those promises if I were you!" And then he added with a smile, "Unless I knew what I was signing. That's what the instructions are for." II. "But I don't want to be a Catholic." "Of course you don't. I wouldn't either if I knew as little about it as— e-r-ahem—some people do! But, re- member you are marrying a Catholic, and sooner or later Junior or Sister is going to ask you some very em- barrassing questions. Wouldn't it be wise to know something about Cath- olic teaching just to save face with your own children ? This will be espe- cially true with the mother, who will get most of the questions." 22 I I I . "But I had religion forced down my throat as a child, and I'm not going to do that with my children. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't either. Why not make it as beautiful and lovely and attractive as every- thing else you teach them ? Surely the love of God and the teachings of Our Lord have great possibilities." IV. f "But why not let them grow up and choose their own religion?" "By the same token, why not let them grow up and choose their own manners, their own ABC's, their own version of the three R's? Don't you see that just as you give them nat- ural truth as early and as attractively as possible, so you should give them supernatural t r u t h ? Children who have been allowed to grow up and choose their own reli- gion, generally choose none, as is at- tested by the millions of Americans not affiliated with any Church." V . "But why the Catholic religion?" "That's what we'd love to explain 23 to you in a course of instructions! Then you can ask all the questions you wish and clear up popular mis- conception on so many points. "Briefly the reason is t h i s : If you believe that Jesus Christ is really and truly God, and that He founded one true Church and gave that Church certain divine teachings, and certain divine helps, you would want your children to have them, wouldn't you." "Well, yes if I believed that." "Well, your Catholic friend here does believe just that. Hence one of a Catholic's most sacred obligations is to give this divine spiritual inherit- ance left by Christ, to his children as early as possible." V I . "But why do I have to sign the promises ?" "Simply as an evidence of the same good faith you show when you sign f o r your marriage license! Through the years, Mother Church has found that some couples were taking the promises too lightly and were forget- ting about them afterwards. There- fore to impress upon the minds of 24 persons marrying Catholics the sacred responsibilities of giving: children their spiritual inheritance, she now asks both Catholics and non-Catholics to sign the papers." V I I . "If I marry a Catholic will I be bound by the no-meat law on Friday?" "No. However, Catholics make this little sacrifice of meat on Friday in memory of Christ's Great Sacri- fice on Good Friday, and most non- Catholics are happy to co-operate. And f o r the sake of peace in the fam- ily, Brother, you'd better eat that fish!" V I I I . Another point, "Why can't we have a double marriage ceremony—one in the Catholic Church, and one in mine?" "For the simple reason t h a t with us marriage is a Sacrament, just as sacred as Baptism or Confession or Holy Communion. Now you can readily see why Catholics couldn't consistently go to a Minister or Judge f o r the Sacrament of Confession or Holy Communion; so neither can they 25 consistently go to the Minister or Judge f o r the Sacrament of Marriage. It would be a denial of their faith." "But you ask ME to come to your Church." "Yes, because you believe t h a t you would be validly married in any Church. Therefore, you are not breaking any fundamental principle by being married in a Catholic Church. Naturally you would have a preference f o r your own Church, so you are asked to sacrifice a preference by being married in a Catholic Church, rather than ask the Catholic to sacrifice a fundamental principle by being married in yours. And I am sure you wouldn't want that." I X . "No, but why can't she worship in my Church once in a while a f t e r we are married? I go to hers." "Don't you see it's the same funda- mental principle at stake? If you be- lieved that Our Lord established the divine form of worship at the Last Supper and continues it today in the Mass, could you consistently partic- ipate in what you consider a purely 26 human service, established by those who broke off from the one true Church?" X . "No, but I don't believe that. I be- lieve that one religion is as good as another." "Good, so you are free to worship in a Catholic Church without any violation of principle. Your friend on the contrary believes that Our Lord established the Mass through the last Supper as the one true form of di- vine worship, and hence cannot ac- tively participate in any other form of worship. Catholics may and do attend non-Catholic funerals and wed- dings, however, as a courtesy to their friends or relatives."' X I . "Well, suppose I do believe my Church is the one true religion estab- lished by God and that all others are false. How could I then make the Catholic promises in Marriage?" "You couldn't in that case, and you should take the same stand as the Catholic does about his religion. 27 Some time ago, a non-Catholic going with a Catholic, did take this very- stand, and said he believed his Church was the one true Church." "What happened?" "Well, they finally agreed to dis- agree, agreeably—and went their re- spective ways." "So you believe in a non-Catholic being true to his own principles?" "Of course. The Catholic Church teaches that everyone is bound in con- science to follow his principles. He is also bound, however, to make reasonably sure t h a t his principles are in accord with God's divine rev- elations. The course of instructions that you are asked to take will show you again and again how the prin- ciples and teachings of the Catholic Church are in complete accord with Christian revelation, and, hence, are f a i r and reasonable in every respect." Discussions similar to the above, conducted in a friendly spirit, gen- erally help most non-Catholics to see the wisdom of taking the instructions which in a large number of cases, lead to the g i f t of faith. 28 A P P E N D I X Directions for the Celebration of Marriage Between a Catholic and a Non-Catholic in the Archdiocese of Baltimore 1. At least six instructions are to be given in the fundamentals of the Catholic Faith including at least one instruction on the Sacrament of Matrimony and the obligations under- taken by a non-Catholic in contract- ing marriage with a Catholic. 2. Marriages between Catholics and non-Catholics are to take place in the church. Except in the case of validations any departure from this rule must be sanctioned by the Chan- cery Office. 3. The formulae and ceremonies of marriage including the use of sur- plice and stole as prescribed in the Roman Ritual for two Catholics are to be used with the sole exception of sprinkling the parties with holy water. 4. The marriage must take place at the altar rail, so t h a t in no cir- cumstance may the parties be ad- mitted to the Sanctuary. 29 5. In accord with Canon 1102, Paragraph 2, marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic may never take place in connection with Holy Mass nor may the Nuptial Bless- ing be given. 6. The organ may be played and only Catholic hymns may be sung in connection with the ceremony. 7. Two candles may be lighted on the altar which may be decorated with flowers. 8. Permission f o r the bride to ded- icate her bouquet to the Blessed Mother and the manner in which this may be done is left to the prudent judgment of the Pastor. 30