Poor Robin's true character of a scold, or, The shrews looking-glass dedicated to all domineering dames, wives rampant, cuckolds couohant, and hen-peckt sneaks, in city or country. Poor Robin. 1678 Approx. 9 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 5 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2006-02 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A66710 Wing W3077 ESTC R11577 12930252 ocm 12930252 95637 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A66710) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 95637) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 993:6) Poor Robin's true character of a scold, or, The shrews looking-glass dedicated to all domineering dames, wives rampant, cuckolds couohant, and hen-peckt sneaks, in city or country. Poor Robin. Winstanley, William, 1628?-1698. 8 p. Printed for L.C., London : 1678. William Winstanley is usually credited with authorship of the "Poor Robin" pamphlets, although imitators undoubtedly wrote some of them. Cf. NUC pre-1956. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Women -- Anecdotes Scolds -- Early works to 1800. 2005-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2005-09 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-11 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2005-11 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2006-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion Poor Robin's TRUE CHARACTER OF A SCOLD : OR , THE SHREWS Looking-glass . DEDICATED To all DOMINEERING DAMES , WIVES RAMPANT , CUCKOLDS COUCHANT , and HEN-PECKT SNEAKS , In City or Country . With Allowance . LONDON : Printed for L. C. 1678. Poor Robin's True Character of a SCOLD . A Rank SCOLD is a Devil of the Feminine gender ; a Serpent , perpetually hissing , and spitting of Venom ; a Composition of Ill-nature and Clamour . You may call her animated Gun-powder , a walking Mount Aetna that is always belching forth flames of Sulphur , or a Real Purgatory , more to be dreaded in this world , than the Popes Imaginary Hot-house in the next . A Burr about the Moon , is not half so certain a Presage of a Tempest at Sea , as her Brow is of a Storm on Land. And though Laurel , Haw-thorn , and Seal-skin are held Preservatives against Thunder , Magick has not yet been able to finde any Amulet so Sovereign as to still her Ravings : for , like Oyl pour'd on Flames , Good words do but make her Rage the faster ; and when once her Flag of Defiance , the Tippet , is unfurl'd , she cares not a straw for Constable nor Cucking-stool . Her Tongue is the Clapper of the Devil's Saints-bell , that rings all-in to Confusion : It runs round-like a Wheel , one spoak after another , and makes more Noise and Jangling , than Country-Steeples on the Fifth of November . She is never less at ease , than when she is quiet ; never quiet , but when she is sleeping ; nor then neither : for either she talks in her Dream , or awakes the whole house with a terrible fit of Snoring . She makes such a Pattering with her Lips when she walks the streets , as if she were possest ; so indeed she is , with the spirit of Contention . The Dog-days , with her , continue all the year round ; nor can she possibly take Cold : for she is ever in an Heat , and holds neither Pox nor Plague so grievous a Disease , as being Tongue-ty'd . She makes an Ass of Aristotle , and demonstrates , That though every man be , yet many a woman is not , A sociable Creature : for there is no Good humour can charm her to be Civil or Agreeable ; no Company , how affable or compaisant soever , that can long content her . She seeks occasions for Railing , as eagerly as a Common Barretor does to go to Law. If you will not anger her , she will be angry with you for thus neglecting her : and you cannot vex her worse , than to be silent , unless you sing or whistle at her Folly. She interprets all she hears in the worst sense , and supplies the defect of real Affronts with jealous suspitions . She is more captious , than capable of Offence ; and all her Neighbours bless themselves from her , wishing this Quotidian Feaver of her Tongue cur'd with a Razor . Yet is not that her onely weapon ; for she has Hands to Clap with , and Nails to Scratch with , and Teeth to Bite with , and much more Furniture for War ; so that being lookt upon as Invincible , her bad humour gets her a Priviledge : for where-ever she comes , she may be sure to have the Room to her self ; nor needs long Contest for priority of Walk , or precedency at Table , or opinion in Argument : for the proudest Gossip will quit Pretensions , rather than stand the shock of her well-known Rhetorick . If she be of the preciser Cast , she abuses Sacred Language in her Railing , as Conjurers do in their Charms ; calls her Neighbours Heathen Edomites , her Husband , Reprobate , or Son of Belial , and will not cudgel her Maid without a Text for 't . But now I speak of Husband , methinks I see the creeping snail shivering in an Ague fit when he comes in her presence . She is worse than Cow-itch in his Bed , and as good as a Chafing-dish at Board : but has either quite forgot his Name , or else she likes it not ; which makes her Rebaptize him with more noble Titles , as White-liver'd Raskal , Drunken Sot , Sneaking Ninkompoop , or pitiful lowsy Tom Farthing , Thus she worries him out of his senses at home , and then ferrets his Haunts abroad worse than a needy Bawd does a decay'd Bully's . Taverns and Ale-houses dread her single Alarm , more than the joynt Attaques of the Constable and Watch ; and his Companions are content to pay his Club and dismiss him , on news of her approach , rather than be at the charge of so many Glasses and Bottles as she will quickly salute his Coxcomb with . A full Glass seasonably offered , may sometimes pacifie her for a moment ; but immediately the Ill spirit returns , and she can be quiet onely just so long as she is drinking . Thus she clamours at him so long without occasion , that at last he gives her enough ; and rails at him for keeping Ill Company , till she forces him to it ; being asham'd to go into any Good Society , or they asham'd of him ; which makes him seek blinde Bubbing-schools to hide himself in from her fury , and resolve to stay out all Night , rather than endure a double Rally . In a word , ( for I perceive our Character begins to be infected with the contagious Talkativeness of its subject ) a virulent Scold is her Neighbours perpetual Disquiet , her Families Evil Genius , her Husbands Ruine , and her own dayly Tormentor : And that you may the better know her Pedigree , I 'll give you a serious Account of the Receipt or Method made use of for her Production into the world , lately found in a long-concealed Manuscript of Theophrastus Bombastus Paracelsus , as follows : viz. That Nature long since finding many of her Sons oft-times bewitcht to their own Ruine by the Charms of Women , for their punishment contriv'd this Monster call'd A Scold : To form which , She first took of the Tongues and Galls of Bulls , Bears , Wolves , Magpies , Parrets , Cuckows , and Nightingales , of each a like number : The Tongues and Tails of Vipers , Adders , Snakes and Lizards , Seven apiece : Aurum Fulminans , Aqua Fortis and Gun-powder , of each one pound : The Clappers of Nineteen Bells , and the Pestles of a dozen Apothecaries Mortars . Which being all mixt , she calcin'd in Mount Strombelo , and dissolv'd the Ashes in a water distill'd just under London-bridge at three quarters Flood , and filtrated it through the leaves of Calepines Dictionary , to render the Operation more verbal . After which , she distill'd it again through a Speaking-Trumpet , and closed up the remaining Spirits in the mouth of a Cannon . Then she open'd the Graves of all new-deceased Pettifoggers , Mountebanks , Barbers , Coffee-news-mongers , and Fish-wives ; and with the skin of their Tongues , made a Bladder cover'd o're with Drum-heads , and fill'd with Storms , Tempests , Whirlwinds , Thunders , Lightnings , &c. These , for better Incorporation , she set seven years in a rough Sea to ferment , and then mixing them with the rest , rectified the whole three times a day for a Twelve month in a Balneo of Quick-silver . Lastly , to irrabiate the whole Elixir , and make it more Churlish , she cut a vein under the Tongue of the Dog-star , drawing thence a pound of the most Cholerick blood ; from which sublimating the Spirits , she mixt them with the Foam of a mad Dog : and then putting all together in the forementioned Bladder , stitcht it up with the Nerves of Socrates's Wife . Out of this noble Preparation , and a Crooked Rib ( Emblem of future Crosness ) Dame Nature first composed a SHREW , whose Posterity ( as is frequent with noxious Animals ) has since so over-spread the world , that scarce an Alley or Village is free from some of her Lineage . But that you may see her End as well as Beginning , be pleased to peruse this EPITAPH . After some Threescore years of Catterwauling , Here lies A SCOLD , stopt from above-ground Bawling . Though Ill she liv'd , I dare not read her Doom ; But fure , go where she will , she 's Troublesome . I wish her , in Revenge , amongst he Blest : For she 'd as lief be Damn'd , as be at Rest . FINIS .