The araignment of leuud, idle, froward, and vnconstant women or the vanitie of them, choose you whether : with a commendation of wise, vertuous and honest women : pleasant for married men, profitable for young men, and hurtfull to none. Arraignment of lewd, idle, froward, and unconstant women. 1615 Swetnam, Joseph, fl. 1617. 1615 Approx. 119 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 39 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13240 STC 23534 ESTC S529 22582906 ocm 22582906 25624 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13240) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 25624) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1758:15) The araignment of leuud, idle, froward, and vnconstant women or the vanitie of them, choose you whether : with a commendation of wise, vertuous and honest women : pleasant for married men, profitable for young men, and hurtfull to none. Arraignment of lewd, idle, froward, and unconstant women. 1615 Swetnam, Joseph, fl. 1617. [8], 64 p. Printed by George Purslowe for Thomas Archer, and are to be solde at his shop in Popes-head Pallace, neere the Royall Exchange, London : 1615. Dedication signed: Ioseph Swetnam. Signatures: A-I⁴. Illustrated t.p. Errors in paging: p. 20-21 reversed in the numbering. Imperfect: tightly bound, with slight loss of print. Reproduction of original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. 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Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Women -- Early works to 1800. 2000-00 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2001-06 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-07 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2002-07 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-08 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE ARAIGNMENT OF LEVVD , IDLE , FROward , and vnconstant women : Or the vanitie of them , choose you whether . With a Commendation of wise , vertuous and honest Women . Pleasant for married Men , profitable for young Men , and hurtfull to none . LONDON Printed by George Purslowe for Thomas Archer , and are to be solde at his shop in Popes-head Pallace , neere the Royall Exchange . 1615. NEITHER TO THE BEST , NOR yet to the worst ; but to the common sort of WOMEN . MVsing with my selfe being idle , and hauing little ease to passe the time withal ; and I being in a great choller against some women , I mean more then one ; And so in the ruffe of my fury , taking my pen in hand to beguile the time withall ; indeed I might haue imployed my selfe to better vse , then in such an idle busines , and better it were to pocket vp a pelting iniury , then to intangle my selfe with such vermine : for this I know , that because women are women , therefore many of them will doe that in an howre , which they many times will repent all their whole life time after ; yet for any iniury which I haue reccyued of thē , the more I consider of it , the lesse I esteem of the same . Yet perhaps some may say vnto me , that I haue sought for honey , & caught the Bee by the tayle , or that I haue bin bit or stung with some of these waspes , otherwise I could neuer haue beene expert in bewraying their qualities , for the mother would neuer haue sought her daughter in the Ouen , but that shee was there her selfe . Indeed I must confesse , I haue been a traueller this thirty & odde yeeres , and many trauellers liue in disdaine of women ; the reason is , for that their affections are so poysoned with the haynous euils of vnconstant women , which they happen to bee acquainted with in their trauels : for it doth so cloy their stomacks , that they censure bardly of women euer afterwards : wronged men will not be tongue-tyed : therefore if you doe ill , you must not thinke to heare well ; for although the world bee bad , yet it is not come to that passe , that men should beare with all the bad conditions that are in some women . I know I shall be bitten by many , because I touch many : but before I goe any further , let mee whisper one word in your eares , and that is this ; whatsoeuer you thinke privately , I wish you to conceale it with silence , lest in starting up to find fault , you proue your selues guilty of these monstrous accusations , which are here following against some women : & those which spurne , if they feele themselues touched , proue themselues stark fooles in bewraying their galled backs to the world : for this booke toucheth no sort of women , but such as when they heare it , will goe about to reproue it : for although in some part of this booke , I trip at your heeles , yet I will stay you by the hand , so that you shall not fall further then you are willing ; although I deale with you after the manner of a shrow , which cannot otherwise ease her curst heart but by her vnhappy tongue : If I be too earnest , beare with me a little , for my meaning is not to speake much of those that are good , & I shall speake too little of those that are naught ; but yet I will not altogether condemn the bad ; but hoping to better the good by the naughty examples of the bad : for there is no woman so good , but hath one idle part or other in her which may be amended ; for the clearest Riuer that is , hath some durt in the bottome : Iewels are all precious , but yet they are not all of one price , nor all of one vertue : gold is not all of one picture , no more are women all of one disposition ; women are all necessary euills , and yet not all giuen to wickednesse , and yet many so bad , that in my conceit , if I should speake the worst that I know by some women , I should make their eares glow that heare mee , and my tongue would blister to report it : but it is a great discredite for a man to be accounted for a scold , for scolding is the maner of shromes ; therfore I had rather answere them with silence which find fault , then striue to win the Cucking-stoole frō them . Now me thinks I heare some curious Dames giue their rash iudgements , & say that I hauing no wit , descant vpon womē which haue more wit then men . To answere you again , If I belie you , iudge me vnkind ; but if I speake the truth I shall be the better belieued another time : and if I had wrote neuer so well , it is vnpossible to please all , and if neuer so ill , yet I shall please some . Let it bee well or ill , I looke for no prayse for my labor ; I am weined from my mothers teat , and therfore neuer more to bee fed with her pap : wherefore say what you will , for I will follow my own vein in vnfolding euery pleat , and shewing euery wrinckle of a womans disposition , and yet I will not made so farre ouer the shooes , but that I may returne drie , nor so far in , but that I may easily escape out , and yet for all that , I must confesse my selfe to be in a fault , and that I haue offended you beyond satisfaction , for it is hard to giue a sufficient recompence for a slaunder ; and yet here after , if by no meanes I cannot obtaine your fauour to be one of your Pulpit-men , yet you cannot deny me to be one of your Parish ; and therefore if you please but to place me in the body of the Church hereafter , you shall find my deuotion so great towards you , as he that kneeleth at the Chancell dore : for I wrote this booke with my hand , but not with my heart . Indeed , when I first began to write this booke , my wits were gone a wool-gathering , in so much that in a maner forgetting my selfe , and so in the rough of my fury , I vowed for euer to be an open enemy vnto women ; but when my fury was a little past , I began to consider the blasphemy of this infamous booke against your sects ; I then tooke my pen , and cut him in twenty peeces , and had it not been for hurting my selfe , I would haue cut my own fingers which held my pen : and furthermore for penance , I do craue that my selfe may be a Iudge against my selfe ; but yet assure your selues , of all euils I will choose the least ; wherefore I choose rather to beare a fagot , then burn by the fagot ; you may perceyue the wind is changed into another dore , and that I begin to be sea-sicke , and yet not past halfe a mile on the salt water , and that my mouth hath vttered that in my fury , which my heart neuer thought , and therefore I confesse that my tongue hath gone beyond my wits ; for I do surmise , that the sauce which I haue made , is too sharpe for your dyet , and the flowers which I haue gathered , are too strong for your noses : but if I had brought little dogs from Iceland , or fine glasses from Venice , then I am sure that you would either haue wooed me to haue them , or wished to see them . But I will here conclude this first Epistle , praying you with patience to heare the rest : for if I offend you at the first , I will make you amends at the last : and so I leaue you to him , whose seate is in Heauen , and whose footestoole is the Earth . Yours in the way of Honesty , Ioseph Swetnam . To the Reader . Reade it , if you please , and like as you list : neyther to the wisest Clarke , nor yet to the starkest Foole , but vnto the ordinary sort of giddy-headed young men , I send this greeting . IF you meane to see the Beare-bayting of womē , then trudge to this Beare-garden apace , and get in betimes , and view euery roome where thou mayest best sit , for thy owne pleasure , profite , and hearts ease , & beare with my rudenes , if I chance to offend thee . But before I doe open this trunke full of torments against women , I thinke it were not amisse to resemble those which in old time did sacrifices to Hercules ; for they vsed continually first to whip all their dogges out of their City ; and I thinke it were not amisse to driue all the women out of my hearing , for doubt , lest this little sparke kindle into such a flame , and rayse so many stinging Hornets humming about my eares , that all the wit I haue will not quench the one , nor quiet the other : for I feare me that I haue set down more then they will like of , and yet a great deale lesse then they deserue : and for better proofe , I refer my selfe to the iudgement of men , which haue more experience then my selfe ; for I esteem little of the malice of women , for men will be perswaded with reason , but women must be answered with silence ; for I know women will barke more at me , then Cerberus the two-headed dog did at Hercules , when he came into Hell to fetch out the fayre Proserpina : and yet I charge them now but with a bulrush , in respect of a second booke , which is almost ready : I doe now but fret them with false fire , but my next charge shal be with weapons , and my larum with powder and shot : for then wee will goe vpon these venemous Adders , Serpents and Snakes , and tread and trample them vnder our feet ; for I haue known many stung with some of these Scorpions , and therefore I warne all men to beware the Scorpton . I knowe women will bite the lip at mee and censure hardly of mee , but I feare not the curst Cowe , for she commonly hath short horns ; let them censure of me what they wil , for I meane not to make them my Iudges , and if they shoot their spite at me , they may hit themselues , and so I will smile at them , as at the foolish Fly which burneth her selfe in the candle . And so friend Reader , if thou hast any discretion at all , thou mayest take a happy example by these most lasciuious and crafty , whorish , theeuish , & knauish women , which were the cause of this my idle time spending ; and yet I haue no warrant to make thee beleeue this which I write to be true , but yet the simple Bee gathereth honey where the venemous Spider doth her poyson . And so I will hinder thee no longer from that which insueth . But here I wil conclude , lest thou hast cause to say , that my Epistles are longer then my booke , a Booke I hope I may call it without any offence : for the Collyer cals his Horse a Horse , & the Kings great Steed is but a Horse . If thou read but the beginning of a booke , thou canst giue no iudgement of that which insueth : therefore I say is the Frier , who in the midst of his Sermon said ofte , that the best was behind : And so , if thou reade it all ouer , thou shalt not be deluded , for the best is behind . I thinke I haue shot so neere the white that some wil account me for a good Archer : And so praying thee to looke to thy footing , that thou run not ouer thy shooes , and so be past recouery before my second booke come . Thy friend , JOSEPH SVVETNAM . CHAP. I. This first Chapter sheweth to what vse Women were made , it also sheweth that most of them degenerate from the vse they were framed vnto , by leading a proud , lazy , and idle life , to the great hinderance of their poore Husbands . MOses describeth a Woman thus : At the first beginning ( saith hee ) a woman was made to be a helper vnto man , & so they are indeed : for she helpeth to spend and consume that which man painefully getteth . Hee also saith that they were made of the ribbe of a man , and that their froward nature sheweth ; for a ribbe is a crooked thing , good for nothing else , and women are crooked by nature : for small occasion will cause them to be angry . Againe , in a manner , shee was no sooner made , but straightway her mind was set vpon mischiefe , for by her aspiring minde and wanton will , shee quickly procured mans fall , and therfore euer since they are and haue beene a woe vnto man , and follow the line of their first leader . For I pray you let vs consider the times past , with the time present ; first , that of Dauid and Salomon , if they had occasion so many hundred yeares agoe to exclaime so bitterly against women , for the one of them said , that it was better to be a doore-keeper , and better dwel in a den amongst Lyons , then to be in the house with a froward and wicked woman : and the other said , that the climing vp of a sandy hill to an aged man was nothing so wearisome , as to be troubled with a froward woman : and further he saith , that the malice of a beast is not like the malice of a wicked woman , nor that there is nothing more dangerous then a woman in her fury . The Lion being bitten with hunger , the Beare being robbed of her young ones , the Viper being trod on , all these are nothing so terrible as the fury of a woman . A Bucke may be inclosed in a Parke , a bridle rules a horse , a Woolfe may be tied , a Tyger may be tamed : but a froward woman will neuer be tamed , no spur will make her goe , nor no bridle will hold her backe ; for if a woman hold an opinion , no man can draw her from it : tell her of her fault , she will not beleeue that she is in any fault : giue her good counsell , but she will not take it ; if you doe but looke after another woman , then she will be iealous , the more thou louest her , the more she will disdaine thee ; and if thou threaten her , then she wil be angry ; flatter her , and then she will be proud ; and if thou forbeare her , it maketh her bold , and if thou chasten her , then she will turne to a Serpent ; at a word , a woman will neuer forget an iniury , nor giue thanks for a good turne : what wise man then will exchange gould for drosse , pleasure for paine , a quiet life , for wrangling brawles , from the which the married men are neuer free ? Salomon saith , that women are like vnto wine , for that they will make men drunke with their deuices . Againe , in their loue a woman is compared to a pommis-stone , for which way soeuer you turne a pommis stone , it is full of holes ; euen so are womens hearts , for if loue steale in at one hole , it steppeth out at another . They are also compared vnto a painted ship , which seemeth faire outwardly , & yet nothing but ballace within her ; or as the Idolls in Spaine , which are brauely gilt outwardly , and yet nothing but lead within them ; or like vnto the Sea , which at some times is so calm , that a cockbote may safely endure her might , but anon againe with outrage she is so growne , that it ouerwhelmeth the tallest ship that is . A froward woman is compared to the wind , and a still woman vnto the Sunne : for the Sunne and the wind met a traueller vpon the way , and they laid a wager , which of them should get his cloake from him first ; then first the wind began boisterously to blow , but the more the wind did blow , the more the traueller wrapped and gathered his cloake about him ; now when the wind had done what he could , and was neuer the neerer , then began the Sun gently to shine vpon him , and he threw off , not onely his cloake , but also his hat and ierkin : this morall sheweth , that a woman with high words can get nothing at the hands of her husband , neuer by froward meanes , but by gentle and faire meanes she may get his heart-bloud to doe her good . As women are compared vnto many things , euen so many , and many more troubles commeth galloping after the heeles of a woman , that young men beforehand doe not thinke of ; for the world is not made all of ote-meale , nor all is not gold that glistereth , nor the way to Heauen is not strewed with rushes , no more is the cradle of ease in a womans lappe . If thou wert a Seruant or in bondage before , yet when thou doest marry , thy toile is neuer the neerer ended , for euen then and not before , thou doest change thy golden time for a drop of hony , which presently afterwards turneth to be as bitter as wormwood . Yet there are many young men which cudgell their wits , and beate their braines , and spend all their time in the loue of women , and if they get a smile or but a fauour at their Loues hand , they straight-way are so rauished with ioy , yea so much , that they thinke they haue gotten God by the hand , but within a while after they will finde that they haue but the Deuill by the foot . A man may generally speake of women , that for the most part thou shalt find them dissembling in their deeds , and in all their actions subtill and dangerous for men to deale withall : for their faces are lures , their beauties are baytes , their looks are netts , and their wordes charmes , and all to bring men to ruine . There is an old saying goeth thus , that he which hath a faire wife , and a white horse , shall neuer be without troubles ; for a woman that hath a faire face , it is euer matched with a cruell heart , and her heauenly lookes with hellish thoughts ; their modest countenance with mercilesse mindes , for women can both smooth and sooth : they are so cunning in the art of flattery , as if they had bin bound prentice to the trade , they haue Sirens songs to allure thee , and Xerxes cunning to inchant thee : they beare two tongues in one mouth like Iudas , and two hearts in one brest like Magus ; the one full of smiles , and the other full of frownes , and all to deceiue the simple and plaine meaning men , they can with the Satyre out of one mouth blow both hot and colde . And what of all this ? why nothing , but to tell thee that a woman is better lost then found , better forsaken then taken . Saint Paul saith , that they which marry , doe well , but he also saith , that they which marry not , doe better : and he no doubt was well aduised what he spake . Then , if thou be wise , keepe thy head out of the halter , and take heed before thou haue cause to curse thy hard penny-worth , or wish the Priest speechlesse which knit the knot . The Philosophers which liued in the olde time , their opinions were so hard of marriage , that they neuer delighted therein , for one of them being asked why hee married not ? he answered , that it was too soone ; and afterwards when he was old , he was asked the same question ; and he said then that it was too late : and further he said , that a married man hath but two good daies to bee looked for , that was the marriage day , and the day of his wiues death : for a woman will feed thee with hony , and poyson thee with gall . Diogenes was so dogged , that hee abhorred all women , and Augustus wished , that he had liued wifelesse , and died childlesse . On a time one asked Socrates , whether he were better to marry , or to liue single ? and he made answere ; which soeuer thou doest , it will repent thee : for if thou marriest not , then thou wilt liue discontented , and dye without issue , and so perhaps a stranger shall possesse thy goods : and if thou doest marry , thou shalt haue continuall vexations , her dowry will be often cast in thy dish , if she doe bring wealth with her : againe , if she complaine , then her kinsfolke will bend the brows , and her mother wil speake her pleasure by thee : and if thou marriest onely for faire lookes , yet thou maiest hap to goe without them , when thou lookest for them : and if thou marriest one that is fruitfull in bearing of children , then will thy care be the more increased ; for little doth the father know what shall be the end of his children : and if shee be barren , thou wilt loath her ; and if honest , thou wilt feare her death ; and if vnhonest , thou wilt be weary of thy life : for when thou hast her , thou must support her in all her bad actions , and that will be such a perpetuall burden vnto thee , that thou hadst euen as good draw water continually , to fill a bottomlesse tubbe . A Gentleman on a time said to his friend , I can helpe you to a good marriage for your sonne : his friend made him this answer ; My sonne ( said he ) shall stay till hee haue more wit ; the Gentleman replied againe : saying , If you marry him not before hee hath wit , hee will neuer marry so long as he liueth . For a married man is like vnto one arrested , and I think that many a man would flie vp into Heauen , if this arrest of marriage kept them not backe . It is said of one named Domett as that hee buried three wiues , and yet neuer wet one handkercher , no not shed not so much as one teare : also Vlisses , he had a Dog which loued him well , and when that Dog died , he wept bitterly , but hee neuer shed one teare when his Wife died : wherefore if thou marriest without respect , but onely for bare loue , then thou wilt afterwards with sorrow say , that there is more belongs to house-keeping then foure bare legges in a bed . A man cannot liue with his hands in his bosome , nor buy meat in the market for honesty without money : where there is nothing but bare walls , it is a fit house to breed beggers into the world : yet there are many which thinke when they are married , that they may liue by loue : but if wealth be wanting , hot loue will soone be cold , and your hot desires will be soone quenched with the smoke of pouerty . To what end then should we liue in loue , seeing it is a life more to be feared then death ? for all thy mony wastes in toyes , and is spent in banqueting , and al thy time in sighes and sobbes , to thinke vpon thy trouble and charge which commonly commeth with a wife : for commonly women are proud without profit , and that is a good purgation for thy purse ; and when thy purse is light , then will thy heart be heauie . The pride of a woman is like the dropsie ; for as drinke increaseth the drouth of the one , euen so money enlargeth the pride of the other : thy purse must be alwaie open to feed their fancy , and so thy expences will be great , and yet perhaps thy gettings small : thy house must be stored with costly stuffe , and yet perhaps thy Seruants starued for lacke of meat : thou must discharge the Mercers book , and pay the Haberdashers man ; for her Hat must continually be of the new fashion , & her Gowne of finer wool then the sheepe beareth any : she must likewise haue her Iewell-box furnished , especially if she be beautifull ; for then commonly beauty and pride goeth together , and a beautifull woman is for the most part costly , and no good huswife ; and if she be a good huswife , then no seruant will abide her fierce cruelty ; and if shee be honest and chaste , then commonly she is iealous : a Kings crowne and a faire woman is desired of many . But he that getteth either of them , liueth in great troubles and hazzard of his life : he that getteth a faire woman is like vnto a Prisoner loaden with fetters of golde : for thou shalt not so oft kisse the sweet lippes of thy beautifull wife , as thou shalt bee driuen to fetch bitter sighes from thy sorrowful heart , in thinking of the charge which commeth by her for if thou deny her of such toyes as she stands not in neede of , and yet is desirous of them , then she will quickly shut thee out of the doores of her fauor , & deny thee her person , and shew her selfe as it were at a window playing vpon thee , not with small shot , but with a cruell tongue shee will ring thee such a peale , that one would thinke the Deuill were come from Hell , saying , I might haue had those which would haue maintained me like a woman , whereas now I goe like no-body : but I will be maintained if thou wert hanged : with such like words she will vex thee , blubbering forth abundance of dissembling teares ( for women doe teach their eies to weepe ) for doe but crosse a woman , although it be neuer so little , shee will straightway put finger in the eye and cry : then presently many a foolish man will flatter her and intreat her to be quiet : but that marres all , for the more shee is intreated , shee will powre forth the more aboundance of deceitfull teares , and therefore no more to be pittied , then to see a Goose goe barefoote ; for they haue teares at commaund , so haue they wordes at will , and oathes at pleasure ; for they make as much account of an oath , as a Marchant doth , which will forsweare himselfe for the getting of a penny . I neuer yet knew woman that would deny to sweare in defence of her own honesty , and alwaies standing highly vpon it , although she be ashamed to weare it in winter for catching of colde , nor in summer for heat , fearing lest it may melt away . Many will say , this which I write is true , and yet they cannot beware of the Deuill , vntill they are plagued with his Dam ; the little Lambe skips and leapes till the Fox come , but then he quiuers and shakes : the Beare daunces at the stake , till the Dogges be vpon his backe : and some men neuer feare their money , vntill they come into the hands of theeues ; euen so some will neuer bee warned , and therefore us not to be pittied if they be harmed : what are women , that make thee so greedily to gape after them ? Indeed , some their faces are fairer and beautifuller then others , some againe stand highly vppon their fine foot and hand , or else all women are alike : Ione is as good as my Lady , according to the Countrey mans Prouerbe , who gaue a great summe of money to lye with a Lady , and going homewards , he made a greeuous mone for his money , and one being on the other side the hedge heard him say , that his Ione at home was as good as the Lady . But whether this bee true or no , my selfe I doe not know , but you haue it as I heard it . If thou marriest a woman of euill report , her discredit will be a spotte in thy brow , thou canst not goe in the street with her without mocks , nor amongst thy neighbours without frumps , and commonly the fairest women are soonest intised to yeeld vnto vanity : hee that hath a faire wife and a whetstone , euery one will bee whetting thereon ; and a Castle is hard to keepe when it is assaulted by many , and faire women are commonly catched at : hee that marrieth a faire woman , euery one will wish his death to enioy her ; and if thou be neuer so rich , and yet but a Clowne in condition , then will thy faire Wife haue her credit to please her fancy , for a Diamond hath not his grace but in gold , no more hath a faire woman her full commendations but in the ornament of her brauery , by which meanes there are diuers women , whose beauty hath brought their husbands into great pouerty and discredit by their pride and whooredome : a faire woman commonly will goe like a Peacocke , and her Husband must goe like a Woodcocke . That great Giant Pamphimapho , who had Beares waiting vpon him like Dogges , and he could make tame any wild beast , yet a wanton woman hee could neuer rule nor turne to his will. Salomon was the wisest Prince that euer was , yet he lusted after so many women , that they made him quickly forsake his God which did alwaies guide his steppes , so long as he liued godly . And was not Dauid the best beloued of God , and a mighty Prince ? yet for the loue of women he purchased the displeasure of his God Sampson was the strongest man that euer was ; for euery lock of his head was the strength of another man , yet by a woman he was ouercome ; hee reuealed his strength , and payed his life for that folly . Did not Iesabel for her wicked lust cause her husbands blood to be giuen to dogs ? Iobs wife gaue her husband counsell to blaspheme God and to curse him . Agamemnons wife for a small iniury that her husband did her , she first committed adultery , and afterwards consented to his death . Also the wife of Hercules , she gaue her husband a poysoned shirt , which was no sooner on his backe , but did sticke so fast , that when hee would haue plucked it off , it tore the flesh with it . If thou wilt auoyd these euils , thou must with Vlisses bind thy selfe to the mast of the ship , as hee did , or else it would haue cost him his life ; for otherwise the Syrenian women would haue intised him into the Sea , if he had not so done . It is wonderful to see the mad feates of women , for she will be now merry , then againe sad ; now laugh , then weep ; now sicke , then presently whole ; all things which like not them , are naught : and if it be neuer so bad , if it like them , it is excellent : againe , it is death for women to bee denied the thing which they demand : and yet they will despise things giuen them vnasked . When a woman wanteth any thing , shee will flatter and speake faire , not much vnlike the flattering Butcher , who gently claweth the Oxe , when hee intendeth to knock him on the head : but the thing being once obtained , and their desires gained , then they will begin to look bigge , and answere so stately , and speake so scornefully , that one would imagine they would neuer seeke help , nor craue comfort at thy hands any more . But a woman is compared vnto a shippe , which being neuer so well rigged , yet one thing or other is to be amended : euen so giue a woman all that she can demaund to day , yet she will be out of reparations to morrow ; and want one thing or other . Women are called night Crowes , for that commonly in the night they will make request for such toyes as commeth in their heades in the day : for women know their time to worke their craft , for in the night they will worke a man like waxe , and draw him like as the Adamant doth the Iron , and hauing once brought him to the bent of their bowe , then she makes request for a Gowne of the new fashion stuffe : or for a Petticote of the finest stammell : or for a Hat of the newest fashion . Her husband being ouercome by her flattering speech , partly hee yeeldeth to her request , although it be a greefe to him for that he can hardly spare it out of his stocke , yet for quietnesse sake , he doth promise what she demaundeth , partly because he would sleepe quietly in his bed : againe euery married man knowes this , that a woman will neuer bee quiet , if her mind be set vpon a thing , til she haue it . Now , if thou driue her off with delayes , then her forehead will be so full of frownes , as if shee threatned to make clubs trump , and thou neuer a blacke carde in thy hand : for except a woman haue what she will , say what she list , and goe where shee please , otherwise thy house will be so full of smoke , that thou canst not stay in it . It is said , that an olde dog and a hungry flea byte sore ; but in my minde , a froward woman biteth more sorer ; and if thou go about to master a woman , in hope to bring her to humility ; there is no way to make her good with stripes , except thou beat her to death : for doe what thou wilt , yet a froward woman in her frantick mood will pull , haule , swerue , scratch and teare all that stands in her way . What wilt thou that I say more , oh thou poore married man ? If women doe not feele the raine , yet heere is a showre comming which will wet them to the skinnes : A woman which is faire in shew , is foule in condition : shee is like vnto a glow-worme , which is bright in the hedge , and blacke in the hand ; in the greenest grasse lyethhid the greatest Serpents : painted pottes commonly hold deadly poyson : and in the cleerest water the vgliest Tode ; and the fairest woman hath some filthines in her . All is not gold that glistereth : a smiling countenance is no certaine testimoniall of a merry heart , nor costly garments of a rich purse : men doe not commend a Iudge , for that he weareth a Skarlet gowne , but for his iust dealing ; no more are women to be esteemed of by the ornament of their brauery , but for their good behauiour ; yet there is no riuer so cleere , but there is some durt in the bottome : But many a man in this land , we need not goe any further for examples , but heere wee may see many fooles in euery place snared in womens nets , after a little familiarity and acquaintance with them : I thinke if they were numbred , the number would passe infinite , if it were possible , which for the loue of wantons haue lost their voyages at Sea to their great hinderances , and many other haue neuer regarded the farre distance which they haue beene from their countrey and friends , vntill they had consumed their substance , and then being ashamed to returne home againe in such bad sort , I meane , by weeping crosse , and pennilesse bench , many of them rather choose to deserue Newgate , and so come to Tiburne , far contrary from the expectation of their friends and Parents , which had otherwise prouided for them , if they had had grace , or would haue beene ruled . CHAP. II. The second Chapter sheweth the manner of such Women as liue vpon euill report : It also sheweth that the beauty of Women hath beene the bane of many a man , for it hath ouercome valiant and strong men , eloquent and subtill men . And in a word , it hath ouercome all men , as by examples following shall appeare . FIrst , that of Salomon , vnto whom God gaue singular wit and wisedome , yet hee loued so many women , that he quite forgot his God , which alwaies did guide his steps , so long as he liued godly , and ruled iustly : but after hee had glutted himselfe with women , then he could say ; vanity of vanities , all is but vanity : he also in many places of his booke of Prouerbs exclaimes most bitterly against lewd women , calling them all that naught is , and also displayeth their properties : and yet I cannot let them go blamelesse , although women go shamelesse ; but I will touch them both : for if there were not receiuers , then there would not be so many stealers : if there were not some knaues , there would not be so many whoores ; for they both hold together to bolster each others villany : for alwaies birds of a feather will flocke together hand in hand , to bolster each others villany . Men I say may liue without women , but women cannot liue without men : For Venus whose beauty was excellent faire , yet when she needed mans helpe , she tooke Vulcan a club-footed-Smith . And therefore if a womans face glister , and her Iesture pearce the Marble wall , or if her tongue be so smooth as oile , or so soft as silke , and her words so sweet as hony : or if she were a very Ape for wit , or a bagge of gold for wealth : or if her personage haue stolne away all that nature can affoord , and if she be deckt vp in gorgeous apparell , then a thousand to one but shee will loue to walke where she may get acquaintance ; and acquaintance bringeth familiarity , and familiarity setteth all folies abroach : and twenty to one that if a woman loue gadding , but that shee will pawne her honesty , to please her fantasie . Man must be at all the cost , and yet liue by the losse ; a man must take all the paines , and women will spend all the gaines : a man must watch and ward , fight and defend , till the ground , labour in the vineyard ; and looke what he getteth in seuen yeares , a woman will spread it abroad with a forke in one yeare , and yet little enough to serue her turne , but a great deale too little to get her good will : nay , if thou giue her neuer so much , and yet if thy personage please not her humour , then will I not giue a halfe-penny for her honesty at the yeares end . For then her brest will be the harbourer of an enuious heart , and her heart the storehouse of poysoned hatred , her head will deuise villany , and her hands are ready to practise that which her heart desireth . Then , who can but say that women sprung from the Deuill , whose heads , hands , hearts , minds and soules are euill ? for women are called the hooke of all euill , because men are taken by them , as fish is taken with the hooke . For women haue a thousand waies to entise thee , and ten thousand waies to deceiue thee , and all such fooles as are sutors vnto them : some they keepe in hand with promises , and some they feed with flattery , and some they delay with dalliances , and some they please with kisses : they lay out the foldes of their haire , to entangle men into their loue ; betwixt their brests is the vale of destruction , and in their beds there is hell , sorrow & repentance . Eagles eat not men till they are dead , but women deuoure them aliue : for a woman will pick thy pocket , and empty thy purse , laugh in thy face and cut thy throat : they are vngratefull , periured , full of fraud , flouting and deceit , vnconstant , waspish , toyish , light , sullen , proud , discurteous and cruell , and yet they were by God created , and by nature formed , and therefore by policy and wisedome to bee auoyded ; for good things abused , are to be refused , or else for a moneths pleasure shee may hap to make thee goe stark naked , she will giue thee rost-meat , but she will beat thee with the spitte : if thou hast crownes in thy purse , shee will be thy hearts gold , vntill shee leaue thee not a whit of white money : they are like summer birdes , for they will abide no storme , but flock about thee in the pride of thy glory , and flye from thee in the storms of affliction ; for they aime more at thy wealth , then at thy person , and esteeme more thy money , then any mans vertuous qualities for they esteeme of a man without money , as a horse doth of a faire stable without meate , they are like Eagles , which will alwaies flie where the carrion is . They will play the horse-leach to suck away thy wealth , but in the winter of thy misery shee will flie away from thee . Not vnlike the Swallow , which in the summer harboureth her selfe vnder the eues of an house , and against winter flieth away , leauing nothing but dirt behind her . Salomon saith , he that will suffer himselfe to be led away , or take delight in such womens company , is like a foole which reioyceth when he is led to the stocks , Pro. 7. Hosea , by marriage with a leaud woman of light behauiour , was brought vnto idolatry , Hosea 1. Saint Paul accounteth fornicators so odious , that wee ought not to eat meat with them ; hee also sheweth that fornicators shall not inherit the kingdome of Heauen , 1. Corin. the 9. and 11. verse . And in the same chapter Saint Paul excommunicateth fornicators , but vpon amendment hee receiueth them againe . Whoredome punished with death , Deuteronomy 22. 21. and Genesis 38. 24. Phinehas a Priest thrust two adulterers , both the man and the woman , thorow the belly with a speare , Numbers 25. God detesteth the money or goods gotten by whoredome , Deuteronomy 23. 17. 18. Whores called by diuers names , and the properties of whores , Prouerbs 7. 6. and 2. A whore enuieth an honest woman , Esdras 16. and 42. Whoremongers God will iudge , Hebrews 13. and 42. They shall haue their portions with the wicked in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone , Rcuelation the 21. 8. Onely for the sinne of whoredome God was sorry at the heart , and repented that euer hee made man , Genesis 6. 67. Saint Paul saith , to auoid fornication , euery man may take a wife , 1. Corinthians the 7. 2. Therefore hee which hath a wife of his owne , and yet goeth to another woman , is like a rich theefe , which will steale when he hath no need . There are three waies to know a whore : by her wanton lookes , by her speech , and by her gate , Ecclesiasticus 26. and in the same chapter he saith , that we must not giue our strength vnto harlots ; for whores are the euill of all euils , and the vanity of all vanities , they weaken the strength of a man , and depriue the body of his beauty ; it furroweth his browes , and maketh the eyes dimme ; and a whorish woman causeth the feauer and the gout : and at a word , they are a great shortning to a mans life . For although they seeme to be so dainty as sweet meat , yet in triall not so wholesome as sowre sauce : they haue wit , but it is all in craft ; if they loue , it is vehement ; but if they hate , it is deadly . Plato saith , that women are either Angels or Deuils , and that they either loue dearely , or hate bitterly ; for a woman hath no meane in her loue , nor mercy in her hate ; no pitty in reuenge , nor patience in her anger ; therefore it is said , that there is nothing in the world which both pleaseth and displeaseth a man more then a woman for a woman most delighteth a man , and yet most deceiueth him ; for as there is nothing more sweet vnto a man then a woman when shee smileth : euen so there is nothing more odious then the angry countenance of a woman . Salomon in his 20. of Ecclesiastes saith , that an angry woman will fome at the mouth like a Bore : if all this be true as most true it is , why shouldest thou spend one houre in the praise of women , as some fooles doe ? for some will brag of the beauty of such a maid ; another will vaunt of the brauery of such a woman , that shee goeth beyond all the women in the parish : againe , some study their fine wits , how they may cunningly sooth women , and with Logicke how to reason with them , and with eloquence to perswade them ; they are alwaies tempering their wits , as Fiddlers do their strings , who wrest them so high , that many times they-stretch them beyond time , tune , and reason . Againe , there are many that weary themselues with dallying , playing and sporting with women , and yet they are neuer satisfied with the vnsatiable desire of them ; if with a song thou wouldest be brought asleepe , or with a dance be led to delight , then a fayre woman is fit for thy dyet : if thy head be in her lap , she will make thee beleeue that thou art hard by Gods seat , when indeed thou artiust at hell gate . Theodora a monstrous strumpet , on a time made her brags to Socrates of the great hant of lusty Gallants which came to her house , and furthermore she told him , that she could get away more of his Schollers from him , then he could of hers from her . No maruaile ( quoth Socrates ) for thy waies seeme pleasant and easie , and that is the way youth loues to walk in ; but the way that leadeth to a vertuous life , seemeth full of brambles and bryers : and to match with this , there is an history that makes mention of three notable Curtizanes , whose names were Lauia , Flora , and Layes : Lauia and Layes were homo , common to all men , they would play at small game , rather then sit out ; these three Strumpets during their life time , were the beautifullest and richest of that trade in the world , and had three seuerall gifts whereby they allured their Louers to seeke their fauours . The Engine wherewith Lauia entrapped her Louers , proceeded from her eyes ; for by her smiling countenance , and wanton lookes , shee greatly inflamed all that beheld her . And Flora wan her Louers by her excellent wit and eloquent tongue . And Layes enticed her Louers by her sweet singing and pleasant fingering of Instruments of musicke . But now againe to Lauia , King Demetrius gaue but a glaunce of his eies suddenly vpon her , and was taken presently with her net , and spent eleuen talents of siluer vpon her , which he had prouided and appointed to pay his soldiours ; and furthermore , hee quite forsooke his owne wife , and neuer left the company of this Strumpet , vntill death tooke her from him ; and after shee was dead , hee made great mone for her death ; hee also kissed and embraced her , and caused her to be buried vnder his window ; that so often as he did see her graue , hee might bewaile her death . Layes likewise had a King , whose name was Pirrhus , which was her chiefe friend , but yet hee serued but as it were for a cloake ; for he continued not very long with her in Greece , but went himselfe to the warres in Italy ; but in his absence she was not onely sought to , but obtained of many , and set downe her price , that before she would doe her worke , she would haue her money . Now to Flora , shee was a Kings daughter , her parents died when she was of the age of fifteene yeares , and shee was left as rich as beautifull , she had the bridle of liberty throwne on her necke , so that shee might runne whither she would ; for shee was left without controulment , so that sodainly she determined to trauell and see the warres of Africa , where she made sale both of her personage and honour . King Menelaus was the first that made loue vnto her , as he was marching to the warres of Carthage , and spent more money vpon her , then in conquering his enemies . But as she was of noble race , so it is said , that she neuer gaue her selfe ouer to meane or petty company , as the other two did ; but shee had a scroule set ouer her gate , the tennor whereof was thus , King , Prince , Emperour or Bishop , enter this place and welcome : neither was this Flora so greedy of gold , as the other two were ; for on a time one of her familiar friends asked her the cause , why shee did not make price of her loue ? shee made this answere , I commit my body to none but to Princes and Noblemen , and I sweare there was neuer man gaue me so little , but that I had more then I would haue asked , or that I looked for ; and furthermore she said , that a noble woman ought not to make price of her loue : all things are at a certaine rate , except Loue , and that a woman of great beauty should be so much esteemed of , as she esteemes of her selfe . She died at the age of forty yeares , and the wealth shee left behind her in Rome , was valued to be so much as would haue builded new walles round about the City , if there had beene no walles at all . Was not that noble City of Troy sacked and spoyled for the faire Hellena ? and when it had cost many mens liues , and much bloud was shed , & when they had got the conquest , they got but a harlot : by this and that which followeth , thou shalt see the power of women , how it hath beene so great , and more preuailed in bewitching mens wits , and in ouercomming their sences , then all other things whatsoeuer . It hath not onely vanquished Kings and Keisars , but it hath also surprised castles & countries , nay , what is it that a woman cannot do , which knowes her power ? Therefore stay not alone in the company of a woman , trusting to thy owne chastity , except thou be more stronger then Sampson , more wise then Salomon , or more holy then Dauid ; for these and many more haue beene ouercome by the sweet entisements of women , as thou shalt read heereafter . It is said , that the Gods themselues did change their shapes , for the loue of such women as they lusted after : Iupiter , he transformed himselfe into a Bull , Neptune into a Horse , and Mercury into a Goat . Aristippus desired sweet meat for his belly , and a faire woman for his bed . But in my mind , hee that layes his net to catch a faire woman , hee may chance to fall into the sprindge which was laid for a woodcocke : therefore I doe admonish young men , and I aduise olde men , and I counsell simple men , and I warne all men , that they flye from a wicked woman , as from the pestilence , or else they will make thee flye in the end . Aristotle , for keeping company with a queane in Athens , was faine to runne away , to saue himselfe from punishment ; and yet he had dwelt there , and wrote many books for the space of thirty yeares . Again of Sampson & Hercules for all their great strength and conquest of Giants and monsters , yet the one yeelded his club at Diauer as foot , and the other reuealed his strength to Dalila , and he paid his life for his folly . The sugred and renowned Orators Demosthenes and Hortentius , the one came from Athens vnto Corinth , to compound and agree with Layes a common Strumpet as you heard before of her , and yet hee had but one nights lodging with her . And the other was so farre in loue with another bird of the same cage , the which hee could not obtaine , nor yet could he conquer his affection , vntill hee had quite pined himselfe away , so that in short time hee had wasted himselfe to nothing . Plato , for all his great Philosophy and knowledge , yet he kept company with Archenasse when she was olde , and forsaken of all her Louers ; for she had giuen her selfe to a number in her youth , yet neuerthelesse Plato so loued her , that he wrote many verses in commendation of her . Also Socrates for his grauity and wisedome is renowned throughout all the world , yet he most dearely loued Alpasy , an old and ouerworne Strumpet . Loue stayed King Antiochus in Calcidea a whole winter , for one maid that hee fancied there , to his great hinderance . Loue stayed King Hannibal in Capua a long season , laying all other his necessary affaires aside , the which was no small hinderance to him ; for in the meane while his enemies inuaded a great part of his Countrey . Likewise Iulius Caesar , hee continued in Alexandria a long season , not for the loue of one , but hee lusted after many , to his great infamy and disgrace . That great Captain Holofernes , whose sight made many thousands to quake , yet he lost his life , and was slaine by a woman . Was not Herods loue so great to a woman , that he caused Iohn Baptist to lose his head for her sake ? Wherefore to auoid the sight , many times is the best rasor , to cut off the occasion of the euill which commeth by women ; For had not Holofernes seene the beauty of Iudeth , and marked the finenesse of her foote , he had not lost his head by her . If Herod had not seen Herodias daughter daunce , hee had not so rashly granted her Saint Iohn Baptists head . Had not Eua seene the Apple , and also she was tempted with the beauty of the Serpent , who as our Schoole-men do write , that he shewed himselfe like a faire young man ; but had not she seene it , I say , shee had not eaten thereof , to her owne griefe and many more . By sight the wife of Putiphar was moued to lust after her seruant Ioseph . It is said of Semir amis of Babylon , that after her husbands death , she waxed so vnsatiable in carnall lust , that two men at one time could not satisfie her desire , and so by her vnsatiablenesse , at length all Persia grew full of whoores . And likewise of one Venise a strumpet in Cipris it is supposed , that by her fame and ill life , she caused all Cipres at length to be full of queanes . And of one faire Rodape in Egypt , who was the first noted woman in that Countrey , but at length all the whole countrey became full of Strumpets . Is it not strange , that the seed of one man should breed such woe vnto all men ? One said vnto his friend , Come , let vs goe see a pretty wench . The other made this answer ; I haue ( said he ) shaken such fetters from my heeles , and I will neuer goe where I know I shall repent afterwards : but yet happily some may say vnto me , If thou shouldest refuse the company or the curtesie of a woman , then shee would account thee a soft-spirited foole , a milk-sop , & a meacock . But alas fond foole , wilt thou more regard their babble , then thine owne blisse , or esteeme more their frumps , then thine owne welfare ? dost thou not know that women alwaies striue against wisedome , although many times it be to their vtter ouerthrow ? Like the Bee which is often hurt with her owne hony : euen so women are often plagued with their owne conceit , waying downe loue with discurtesie , giuing him a weed , which presents them with flowers : as their catching in iest , and their keeping in earnest , and yet she thinks that she keepes her selfe blamelesse , and in all ill vices she would goe nameesse , but if shee carry it neuer so cleane , yet in the end shee will be counted but for a cunny-catching queane ; and yet she will sweare that she will thriue , as long as shee can finde one man aliue : for shee thinks to doe all her knauery inuisible ; shee will haue a figge leafe to couer her name : but when the fig leafe is dry and withered , it doth shew their nakednesse to the world : for take away their painted cloathes , and then they looke like ragged wals : take away their ruffes , and they looke ruggedly : their ●oyfes and stomachers , and they are simple to behold : their haire vntrust , and they looke wildly ; and yet there are many which laies their nets to catch a pretty woman , but hee which getteth such a prize , gaines nothing by his aduenture , but shame to the body , and danger to the soule ; for the heat of the young bloud of these wantons , leads many vnto destruction for this worlds pleasure . It chaunts your minds , and infeebleth your bodies with diseases , it also scandalleth your good names , but most of all , it indangereth your soules ; how can it otherwise choose , when lust and vncleannesse continually keepe them company , gluttony and floth serueth them at the table ; pride and vaine-glory apparelleth them ; but these seruants will waxe weary of their seruice , and in the end they shall haue no other seruants to attend them , but onely shame , griefe and repentance ; but then , oh then ( you will say ) when it is too late , Oh would to God that wee had beene more carefull of true glorious modesty , and lesse cunning to keepe wantons company ! Oh therefore remember , and thinke before-hand , that euery sweet hath his sowre : then buy not with a drop of hony a gallon of gall ; doe not thinke that this worlds pleasure will passe away with a trifle , and that no sooner done , but presently forgotten : No , no , answer your selues that the punishment remaineth eternally , and therefore better it were to be an addle egge , then an euill bird . For we are not borne for our selues to liue at pleasure , but to take paines , and to labour for the good of our Countrey , yet so delightfull is our present sweetnesse , that wee neuer remember the following sowre : for youth are too too easie wonne and ouercome with the worlds vanities : Oh too soone ( I say ) is youth in the blossomes deuoured with the caterpillers offoule lust , and lasciuious desires , the blacke Fiend of Hell , by his inticing sweet sinne of lust , drawes many young wittes to confusion ; for in time it drawes the heart bloud of your good names ; and that being once lost , is neuer gotten againe . Againe , Lust causeth you to doe such foule deeds which makes your foreheads for euer afterwards seeme spotted with blacke shame , and euerlasting infamy , by which meanes , your graues after death are closed vp with times scandall . And yet Women are easily wooed , and soone won , got with an apple , and lost with the paring : young wittes are soone corrupted , womens bright beauties breed curious thoughts ; and golden gifts easily ouercome wanton desires , with changing modesty into pastimes of vanity , and being once delighted therein , continues in the same without repentance : you are onely the peoples wonder , and misfortunes banding ball tost vp & downe the world with woe vpon woe , yea ten thousand woes will bee galloping hard at your heeles , and pursue you wheresoeuer you go ; for those of ill report cannot stay long in one place , but rome and wander about the world , and yet euer vnfortunate , prospering in nothing , forsaken and cast out from all ciuill companies , still in feare lest authority with the sword of Iustice , barre them of liberty . Lo thus your liues are despised , walking like night-Owles in misery , and no comfort shall be your friend , but onely repentance comming too late , and ouer-deare bought : A penance and punishment , due to all such hated creatures as these are . Therefore beleeue , all you vnmarried wantons , and in beleeuing grieue , that you haue thus vnluckily made your selues neither maidens , widdowes , nor wiues , but more vile then filthy channell-durt , fit to be swept out of the heart and suburbes of your Countrey . Oh then suffer not this worlds pleasure to take from you the good thoughts of an honest life : But downe , downe vpon your knees , you earthly Serpents , and wash away your black sin with the cristall teares of true sorrow and repentance , so that when you wander from this inticing world , you may bee washed and cleansed from this foule leprosie of nature . Loe thus in remorse of minde my tongue hath vttered to the wantons of the world , the aboundance of my hearts griefe , which I haue perceiued by the vnseemely behauiour of vnconstant both men and women , yet men for the most part are touched but with one fault , which is drinking too much : but it is said of women , that they haue two faults , that is , they can neither say well , nor yet doe well . For commonly , women are the most part of the forenoone painting themselues , and frizling their haires , and prying in their glasse , like Apes to prancke vp themselues in their gawdies ; like Poppets , or like the Spider which weaues a fine web to hang the flie . Amongst women she is accounted a slut which goeth not in her silkes : therefore if thou wilt please thy Lady , thou must like and loue , sue and serue , and in spending thou must lay on load ; for they must haue maintainance howsoeuer they get it , by hooke or by crooke , out of Iudas bag , or the Deuils budget , thou must spare neither lands nor liuing , money nor gold . For women will account thee a pinch-penny , if thou be not prodigall , and a dastard , if thou bee not ventrous for they account none valiant , except they be desperate if silent , a sot ; if full of words , a foole ; iudging all to be Clownes which be not Courtiers . If thou be cleanely in thine apparrell , they will terme thee proud ; if meane in apparell , a slouen ; if tall , a lunges ; if short , a dwarfe : for they haue ripe wits , and ready tongues , and if they get a inch , they will claime an ell : shee will coll thee about thy necke with one hand , but the other shall bee diving into thy pocket , and if thou take her with the manner , then was but in lest , but many times they take in iest ( and if they bee not spied ) keepe it in earnest : but if thy pockets grow empty , and thy reuenues will not hold out longer to maintaine her pompe and brauery , then she presently leaues to make much of thy person , and will not sticke to say vnto thee , that she could haue bestowed her loue on such a one as would haue maintained her like a woman , so by these meanes they weaue the web of their own woe , and spin the thred of their owne thraldome ; if they lacke they will lacke at the last , for they will cut it out of the whole cloth so long as the peece will hold out . Is not the Bee hiued for his hony , the Sheepe sheared for his fleece , the Oxe necke wrought for his masters profit , the fowle plucked for her feathers , the tree grafted to bring forth fruit , and the earth laboured to bring foorth corne ? but what labour or cost thou bestowest on a woman , is all cast away , for shee will yeelde thee no profit at all , for when thou hast done all , and giuen them all that they can demand , yet thou shalt bee as well rewarded , as those men were whom Esop hired for three halfepence a day to heare him recite his fables . These things beeing wisely considered , then what a foole art thou to blinde thy selfe in their bold behauiour , and bow at their beckes , and come at their calls , and sell thy lands , to make them swimme in their silkes , and iet in their iewells , making Iill a Gentlewoman , insomuch that shee careth not a penny for the finest , nor a figge for the proudest ? she is as good as the best , although she haue no more honesty then barely to serue her owne turne , suffering euery mans fingers as deep in the dish , as thine are in the platter , and euery man to angle , where thou castest thy hooke , holding vp to all that come , not much vnlike a Barbers chaire , that so soone as one knaue is out , another is in , a common hackney for euery one that will ride , a boat for euery one to row in : now if thy wealth doe begin to faile , then she biddeth thee farwell , and giueth thee the adieu in the Deuils name , not much vnlike the knauish Porters in Bristow , who will cry , A new master , a new , and hang vp the old . If the matter be so plaine , then consider this , that the house where such a one keepeth her residence , is more-odious with slander , then carrion doth infect the ayre with stinke ; let them flatter how they will , there is no loue in them , but from the teeth outward . I blaze their properties the plainer , and giue thee the stronger reasons , because I would haue thee loath the alluring traines of such deceitfull and lasciuious women : although she make great protestations of loue , and thereto bindeth her selfe with most damnable oathes , then beleeue her least of all , for there is no more hold in her oathes , nor in her loue , then is certainly of a faire day in Aprill , although it looke neuer so cleere , yet it may turne to a foule . I haue seene a Curtizan thus pictured out : First , a faire young man blind , and in his armes a beautifull woman , with one hand in his pocket , shewing her theft , and a knife in the other hand to cut his throat . Now peraduenture , thou maist say vnto that , thou dost not know one woman from another , without some triall , because all women are in shape alike : for the sowre crab is like the sweet pippin : true it is , so the Rauen is a bird , and the Swan is but a bird : euen so many women are in shape Angels , but in qualities Deuils , painted coffius with rotten bones : the Estridge carrieth faire feathers , but ranck flesh : the hearb Molio carrieth a flowre as white as snow , but a root as blacke as inke . Although women are beautifull , shewing pitty , yet their hearts are blacke , swelling with mischiese , not much vnlike vnto old trees , whose outward leaues are faire and greene , and yet the body rotten : if thou hant their houses , thou wilt be enamoured ; and if thou doe but harken to these Syrens , thou wilt be inchanted , for they will allure thee with amorous glances of lust , and yet kill thee with bitter lookes of hate : they haue dimples in their cheekes to deceiue thee , and wrinkles in their browes to betray thee : they haue eies to intice , smiles to flatter , imbracements to prouoke , beckes to recall , lips to inchant , kisses to inflame , and teares to excuse themselues . If God had not made them only to be a plague to man , he would neuer haue called them necessary euils , and what are they better ? for what do they either get or gaine , saue or keepe ? nay they doe rather spend and consume all that which man painefully getteth : a man must be at all the cost , and yet liue by the losse . It is very easie for him which neuer experienced himselfe in that vaine pleasure , or repenting pleasure , choose you whether , I meane the accompanying of lewd women : but such as are exercised and experimented in that kind of drudgery , they I say , haue a continuall desire , and temptation is ready at hand : therefore take heed at the first , suffer not thy selfe to bee led away into lustfull folly , for it is more easie for a young man or maid to forbeare carnall act , then it is for a widdow , and yet more easie for a widdow , then for her that is married and hath her husband wanting : then take heed at the first , for there is nothing gotten by women but repentance . For women are like the Bay tree , which is euer green , but without fruit ; or like the vnprofitable thorne , which beareth as trim a blossome as the apple : this is nothing , but to tell thee that thou must not iudge of gold by the colour , nor of womens qualities by their faces , nor by their speeches ; for they haue delicate tongues , which wil rauish and tickle the itching eares of giddy headed yong men , so foolish , that they thinke themselues happy if they can but kisse the dazie whereon their loue doth tread ; who if she frowne , then he descends presently into hell : but if she smile , then is hee carried with wings vp into heauen : there is an old saying , that when a dog wags his tayle , he loues his master . Some thinke , that if a woman smile on them , she is presently ouer head and eares in loue : one must weare her gloue , another her garter , another her colours of delight , and another shall spend and liue vpon the spoile which shee getteth from all the rest : then if thou wilt giue thy body to the Chirurgian , and thy soule to the Deuill , such women are fit for thy diet . Many creatures of euery kind resemble women in conditions ; for some horse an vnskilfull rider can hardly disorder ; and some againe in despight of the best rider that is , will haue a iadish tricke : some Hawke although he be ill serued , yet will sit quiet ; and some , if neuer so well serued , yet will continually flie at checke : againe , some hounds by no meanes will forsake their vndertaken game , and some againe in despite of the huntsman will continually runne at randome : and some men will steale if their hands were bound behind them ; and some againe will rather sterue then steale , euen so some women will not bee wonne with seauen yeares louing , and some againe will offend with an houres liberty . Therfore , if thou study a thousand yeares , thou shalt find a woman nothing else but a contrary vnto man : nay , if thou continue with her a hundreth yeares , yet thou shalt find in her new fancies , and contrary sorts of behauiour ; therefore , if all the world were paper , and all the sea inke , and all the trees and plants were pens , and euery man in the world were a writer , yet were they not able with all their labour and cunning , to set downe all the crafty deceits of women . Now me thinks I heare some of you say , that young wits are soone corrupted , and that womens bright beauty breedeth curious thoughts in men , also golden gifts easily ouercommeth wanton womens desires : and thereby make them become Venus darlings , quite changing customes of modesty , into passions of vanity , wherein once delighted , they continue in the same without repentance or sorrow : But out alas , you lasciuious Dames , these lewd conditions of yours , will speedily bring all your ioyes to sorrow . CHAP. III. This third Chapter sheweth a remedy against loue , also many reasons not to be too hasty in choise of a Wife . But if no remedy but thou wilt marry , then how to choose a wife , with a Commendation of the good , vertuous , and honest Women . BE not too hasty to marry , for doubt lest thou marry in haste , and repent by leysure ; For there are many troubles which commeth galloping at the heeles of a woman , which many young men before-hand doe not thinke of , the world is not all made of Otemeale ; nor all is not golde that glisters , nor a smiling countenance is no certaine testimoniall of a merry heart : nor the way to heauen is not strewed with rushes ; no more is the cradle of ease in a womans lappe : if thou wert a seruant , or in bondage before , yet when thou marriest , thy toyle is neuer the neer ended , but euen then , and not before , thou changest thy golden life which thou didst leade before , in respect of the married , for adtop of hony which quickly turneth to bee as bitter as worm-wood ; And therefore farre better it were to haue two plowes going then one cradle , and better a barne filled then a bed ; therefore cut off the occasion , which may any way bring thee into fooles Paradice . Then first , and aboue all , shun idleness , for idlenes is the beginner and maintainer of loue , therfore apply thy selfe about some affaires , or be occupied about some businesse : for so long as thy minde or thy body is in labour , the loue of a woman is not remembred , nor lust neuer thought vpon : but if thou spend thy time idlely amongst women , thou art like vnto him which playeth with the Bee , who may sooner feele of her sting , then taste of her hony ; he that toucheth pitch , may bee desiled therewith . Roses vnaduisedly gathered , prickle our fingers ; Bees vngently handled , sting our faces , and yet the one is pleasant , and the other is profitable , and if thou be in company of women , the Deuill himselfe hath not more illusions to get men into his net , then women haue deuices and inuentions to allure men into their loue ; and if thou suffer thy selfe once to be led into fooles paradice , ( that is to say ) the bed or closet wherein a woman is , ( then I say ) thou art like a bird snared in a Lime-bush , which the more she striueth , the faster she is . It is vnpossible to fall amongst stones , and not bee hurt , or amongst thornes , and not be prickt , or amongst nettles , and not be stung : a man cannot carry fire in his bosome , and not burne his cloathing ; no more can a man liue in loue , but it is 〈◊〉 as wearisome as hell , and hee that marrieth a wife , matcheth himselfe vnto many troubles . If thou mariest a still and a quiet woman , that will seeme to thee that thou ridest but an ambling horse to hell ; but if with one that is froward and vnquiet , then thou wert as good ride a trotting horse to the Deuill : heerein I wil not be my owne caruer , but I referre you to the judgement of those which haue seene the troubles , and felt the torments ; for none are better able to judge of womens qualities , then those which haue them ; none feeles the hardnesse of the Flint , but he that strikes it ; none knowes where the shooe pincheth , but he that wears it . It is said that a man should eat a hushell of salt with one which he meanes to make his friend , before hee put any great confidence or trust him : And if thou bee so long in choosing a friend , a my minde thou hadst neede to eat two bushels of salt with a woman , before thou make her thy wife ; otherwise , before thou hast eaten one bushell with her , thou halt taste of ten quarters of sorrow , and for euery dram of pleasure , an ounce of paine , and for euery pint of honey a gallon of gall , and for euery inche of mirth an ell of mone . In the beginning , a womans loue seemeth delightfull , but endeth with destruction ; therefore hee that trusteth to the loue of a woman , shall be as sure as he that hangeth by the leafe of a tree in the later end of Summer : and yet there is great difference betwixt the standing poole , and the running streame , although they are both waters . Therefore of two euils , choose the least , and auoid the greatest ; but my meaning is not heere to aduise thee to choose the least woman : for the little women are as vnhappy as the greatest ; for though their statures be little , yet their hearts are big : then speake faire to all , but trust none , and say with Diogenes , It is too soone for a young man to marry , and too late for old men . One asked a Philosopher , what the life of a married man was ? hee answered , Misery . And what is his felicity ? Misery : for he still lingers in hope of further ioy . And what is his end ? and he still answered , Misery . There are sixe kinds of women which thou shouldest take heed that thou match not thy selfe to any one of them : that is to say , good nor bad , faire nor foule , rich nor poore ; for if thou marriest one that is good , thou maist quickly spill her with too much making of her : for when prouender pricks a woman , then shee will grow knauish : and if bad , then thou must support her in all her bad actions , and that will be so wearisome vnto thee , that thou hadst as good draw water continually to fill a bottomlesse tub : if she be faire , then thou must doe nothing else but watch her : and if she be foule and loathsom , who can abide her if shee be rich , then thou must forbear her because of her wealth : and if she be poore , then thou must maintaine her . For if a woman be neuer so rich in dowry , happy by her good name , beautifull of body , sober of countenance , eloquent in speech , and adorned with vertue , yet they haue one ill quality or other , which ouerthroweth all the other : like vnto that Cow which giueth great store of milke , and presently striketh it downe with her foote , such a cow is as much to be blamed for the losse , as to be commended for the gift : or like as when men talke of such a man , or such a man , he is an excellent good workeman , or he is a good Chirurgian , or a good Phisition , or hee is a pretty fellow of his hands , but if they conclude with this word , But it is pitty hee hath one fault , which commonly in some men is drnnkennesse , then I say , if he were endued with all the former qualities , yet they cannot gaine him so much credit to counterpoise the discredit that commeth thereby . It is said of men , that they haue that one fault , but of women it is said that they haue two faults , that is to say , they can neither say well , nor doe well : there is a saying that goeth thus , that things farre fetcht and deare bought are of vs most dearely beloued , the like may be said of women , although many of them are not farre fetched , yet they are deare bought , yea and so deare , that many a man curseth his hard penniworths , and bannes his owne heart ; for the pleasure of the fairest woman in the world lasteth but a hony moone , that is , while a man hath glutted his affections , and reaped the first fruit , his pleasure beeing past sorrow and repentance remaineth still with him . Therefore to make thee the stronger to striue against these tame Serpents , thou shalt haue more strings to thy bow then one , it is safe riding at two ankers ; alwaies looke before thou leape , lest thy shinnes thou chance to breake . Now the fire is kindled , let vs burne this other fagot , and so to our matter againe . If a woman be neuer so comely , thinke her a counterfet ; if neuer so straight , thinke her crooked ; if she be well set , call her a bosse ; if slender , a hazell twig ; if browne , thinke her as blacke as a Crow ; if well-coloured , a painted wall ; if sad , or shame-fac'd , then thinke her a clowne ; if merry and pleasant , then she is the liker to be a wanton . But if thou bee such a foole that thou wilt spend thy time and treasure , the one in the loue of women , and the other to delight them ; in my mind thou resemblest the simple Indians , who apparell themselues most richly when they goe to be burned . But what should I say ? some will not giue their bable for the Tower of London . He that hath sailed at sea , hath seene the dangers , and he that is married , can tell of his owne woe , but hee that is neuer burnt , will neuer dread the fire . Some will goe to dice , although they see others lose all their money at play , and some will marry , though they beg together . Is it not strange that men should be so foolish to dote on women , who differ so farre in nature from men ? for a man delights in armes , & in hearing the rattling drums , but a woman loues to heare sweet musick on the Lute , Cittern , or Bandora : a man reioyceth to march among the murthered carkasses , but a woman to dance on a silken carpet : a man loues to heare the threatnings of his Princes enemies , but a woman weepes when she heares of wars : a man loues to lye on the cold grasse , but a woman must be wrapped in warme mantles : a man tryumphes at warres , but a woman reioyceth more at peace . If a man talke of any kinde of beast or fowle , presently the nature is knowne : as for example , the Lyons are all strong and hardy , the Hares are all fearefull and cowardly , the Doues are all simple , and so of all beasts and fowle the like , I meane few or none swaruing from his kind ; but women haue more contrary sorts of behauiour then there be women , and therefore impossible for a man to know all , no nor one part of womens qualities all the daics of thy life . Some with sweete words vndermine their husbands , as Dalila did Samson , and some with chiding and brawling are made weary of the world , as Socrates and others : Socrates when his wife did chide and brawle , would goe out of the house till all were quiet againe ; but because hee would not scold with her againe , it grieued her the more ; for on a time shee watched his going out , and threw a chamber-pot out of a window on his head . Ha , ha , quoth hee , I thought after all this thunder there would come raine . There is an history maketh mention of one named Annynious , who inuited a friend of his to go home with him to supper ; but when he came home , he found his wife chiding and brawling with her maidens , where at his guest was very much discontented . Annynious turning to him , said . Good Lord how impatient art thou ? I haue suffered her these twenty yeares , and canst not thou abide her two houres ? by which meanes he caused his wife to leaue chiding and laughed out the matter . There is no woman but either she hath a long tongue , or a longing tooth , and they are two ill neighbours , if they dwell together : for the one will lighten thy purse , if it be still pleased , and the other will waken thee from thy sleepe , if it be not charmed . Is it not strange of what kinde of mettall a womans tongue is made of ? that neither correction can chastise , nor faire meanes quiet : for there is a kinde of venome in it , that neither by faire meanes nor foule they are to be ruled . All beasts by man are made tame , but a womans tongue will neuer be lame ; it is but a small thing , and seldome seene , but it is often heard , to the terror and vtter confusion of many a man. Therfore , as a sharpe bit curbes a froward horse , euen so a curst woman must be roughly vsed : but if women could hold their tongues , then many times men would hold their hands . As the best metlted blade is mixt with iron , euen so the best woman that is , is not free from faults : the goodliest gardens are notfree from weeds , no more is the best nor the fairest woman from ill deeds . He that vseth troth to tell , May blamed be , though he say well . If thou be young , marry not yet , If thou be old , thou wilt haue more wit ; For young mens wiues will not be taught , And olde mens wiues are good for nought . When he that for a woman striueth by law , Shall striue like a cox-comb , and proue but a daw . Then buy not thou with ouermuch cost , The thing which yeelds but labour lost . Diuers beasts , and fowle , by nature haue more strength in one part of the body then in another , as the Eagle in the beake , the Vnicorne in the horne , the Bull in the head , the Beare in his armes , the Horse in his brest , the Dogge in his teeth , the Serpent in his tayle : but a womans chiefe strength is in her tongue ; the Serpent hath not so much venome in his tayle , as she hath in her tongue ; and as the Serpent neuer leaueth hissing and stinging , and seeking to doe mischiefe : euen so , some women are neuer well , except they be casting out venome with their tongues , to the hurt of their husbands or of their neighbours ; therefore he that will disclose his secrets to a woman , is worthy to haue his hayre cut with Samson ; for , if thou vnfoldest any thing of secret to a woman , the more thou chargest her to keepe it close , the more she will seeme as it were to bee with childe till shee haue reuealed it amongst her gossips ; yet if one should make doubt of her secresie , shee would seeme angry , and say , I am no such light huswife of my tongue , as they whose secrets lye at their tongues ends , which flies abroad so soone as they open their mouthes ; therefore feare not to disclose your secrets to mee , for I was neuer touched with any stayne of my tongue in all my life ; nay , shee will not sticke to sweare that she will treade it vnder foot , or bury it vnder a stone : yet for all this , beleeue her not , for euery woman hath one especiall gossip at the least , which shee doth loue & affect aboue all the rest , and vnto her shee runneth with al the secrets she knoweth . There is an history making mention of one Lyas , whom King Amasis commanded to goe into the market , and to buy the best and profitablest meat he could get ; and hee bought nothing but tongues ; the King asked him the reason why he bought no other meat , who made this answer , I was commanded to buy the best meate , and from the tongue came many good and profitable speaches ; then the king sent him again , and bade him buy the worst and vnprofitablest meate : and he likewise bought nothing but tongues , the King againe asked him the reason , from nothing ( said hee ) commeth worse venome , then from the tongue , and such tongues must women haue . Romaine history maketh mention of one of the chiefe gouernors of Rome , that had a sonne , whose name was Papirius , whose father tooke him with him to the Councell-house , that thereby he might learne wisdome , wishinge him withall to keepe their secrets : his mother was diuers times asking of the boy what they did at the Counsaile-house , and what the cause was of theire often meeting ; one a time young Papirius fearing to displease his father , and hoping to satisfie his mother tould her this , Mother ( said he ) there is hard hold amongst them about making of a law , that euery man shall haue two wiues ; or euery woman two husbands and so far as I can perceyue , it is likely to be concluded vpon , that euery man shall haue two wiues . The next day , when his father and he were gone to the Counsaile-house , shee bestirred her selfe , and got most of the chiefe women of the City together , and tould them what a law was like to be made , if it were not preuented : and so to the Counsaile-house they went a great flocke of them : but when they came in , the Gouernours were all amazed , and asked the cause of their comming ? and one of the women hauinge leaue to speake , saide thus ; Wheras you are about to make a law , that euery man shal haue two wiues , consider with yourselues what vnquietnesse and strife thereby will arise : but ( said shee ) it were better that one woman should haue two husbands , that if the one were on businesse abroad , the other might bee at home . Now when the Gouernours heard this speach , they maruailed wherupon it should arise ? then young Papirius requested that he might speake , who presently resolued them the cause of the womens comming , so they greatly commended the boy , and laughed the women to scorne . Here thou maist perceiue by a taste , what wine is in the butt : if the Dragons head be full of poyson , what venome then ( think you ) lurketh in the tayle ? All this is but to tell thee of the doubts and dangers that come by marriage , yet I would not haue all men feare to lye in the grasse , because a Snake lyeth there , nor all men feare to go to Sea , because some men are drowned at Sea , neither doe I warrant al men to feare to goe to their beds because many dy in their beds : then marry a Gods name , but againe and againe take heede to the choyce of thy wife . Marry not for beautie without vertue , nor choose for riches without good conditions . Salomon amongst many other notable sentences fit for this purpose , saith , that a faire woman without discreet maners , is like a gold ring in a swines snowte ? and if thou marriest for wealth , then thy wife many times will cast it in thy dish saying , that of a begger shee made thee a man : againe , if thou marriest for beautie and aboue thy calling , thou must not onely beare with thy wiues folly , but with many vnhappy words , for shee wil say , she was blinded in fancying thee : for she might haue had Captaine such a one , or this Gendeman , or that , so that thou shalt neuer neede to craue a foule word at her hands in seuen yeares , for thou shalt haue enow without asking ; besides , I feare mee thou wilt be better headed then wedded , for shee will make thee weare an Oxe feather in thy cap ; yet he which hath a fayre wife will aduenture on a thousand infamies , onely in hope to keepe her in the state of an honest woman ; but if shee be ill giuen , do what thou canst , breake thy heart and bend thy study neuer so much , yet all will not serue , thou maiest let her goe all howres of the night , shee will neuer meete with a worse then her selfe , except shee meete with the deuill himselfe . Therefore yet once more I aduise thee in the choyce of thy wife , to haue a speciall regard to her qualities and conditions before thou shake hands or iumpe a match with her ; Also inquire and marke the life and conuersation of her Parents , let the old Prouerbe put thee in mind hereof , that an euill Bird layeth an ill Egge , the Cat will after her kind , an ill Tree cannot bring foorth good fruit , the young Crab goeth crooked like the Damme , the young Cocke croweth as the old , and it is a verie rare matter to see children tread out of the pathes of their Parents . Hee that commeth into a Fayre to buy a horse , will prye into euery part to see whether hee bee sound of winde and limbe , and without cracke or flaw , and whether his breeding were in a hard soyle , or whether he be well paced , and likewise he will haue a care that his horse shall haue all outward markes which betoken a good horse , yet with all the cunning he hath , he may be deceiued ; but if hee proue a Iade , he may put him away at the next Fayre . But if in choyse of thy wife thou be deceyued , as many men are , thou must stand to thy word which thou madest before the whole Parrish , which was , to take her for better or worse ; for there is no refusing , shee will sticke to thee as close as a saddle to a horses backe , and if she be frowardly giuen , then she will vexe thee night & day . Amongst the quietest couples that are , yet houshold iars will arise , but yet such quarrels which happen in the day , are often quallified with kisses in the night ; but if it be not so ended , their thirst will goe forward like the carriage which is drawn between two horses , taile to taile , & if she cannot reuenge her selfe with her tongue , nor with her hands , nor with conuaying thy goods , yet shee will pay thee home priuately ; for if thou strike with thy sword , she will strike with the scabard ; choose not the rapier by his ringing , nor thy wife by her singing ; for if thou doest , thou mayest be very well deceyued in both , for thy rapier may proue a gad , and thy wife but little better . Now if thou aske me how thou shouldest choose thy wife ? I answere , that thou hast the whole world to make choyse , & yet thou maiest be deceyued . An ancient father being asked by a young man how hee should choose a wife , he answered him thus , When thou seest a flocke of maydens together , hudwinke thy selfe fast , and runne amongst them , and looke which thou chasest , let her be thy wife : the young man told him , that if he went blindfolded , he might be deceyued : and so thou maiest ( quoth the old man ) if thy eyes were open ; for in the choise of thy wife , thou must not trust thy owne eyes , for they will deceiue thee , and be the cause of thy woe : for she may seeme good whose waste is like a wand , or she which hath a spider fingered hand , or she which on her tiptoes still doth stand , and neuer read but in a golden booke , nor will not be caught but with a golden hooke ; or such a one as can stroke a beard , or looke a head , and of euery flea make her selfe afraide if one had a spring , such a wench would make him a beggar if he were halfe a King : then this is no bargaine for thee . But harke a little further : the best time for a young man to marry , is at the age of twenty and fiue , and then to take a wife of the age of seuenteene yeares , or thereabout , rather a maid then a widdow ; for a widdow is framed to the conditions of another man , and can hardly be altered , so that thy pains will be double : for thou must vnlearne a widdow , and make her forget and forgoe her former corrupt and disordered behauiour , the which is hardly to be done : but a young woman of tender yeares is flexible and bending , obedient and subiect to doe any thing , according to the will and pleasure of her husband . And if thy state be good , marry neere home , and at leisure ; but if thy state be weake and poore , then to better thy selfe after enquiry made of her wealth and conditions , go farre off , and dispatch it quickly , for doubt lest tattling speeches , which commonly in these cases runne betwixt party and party , and breake it off , euen then when it is come to the vp-shot : but as I haue already said , before thou put thy foot out of doores , make diligent enquiry of her behauiour ; for by the market-folke thou shalt heare how the market goeth : for by enquiry thou shalt heare whether she be wise , vertuous , and kinde , wearing but her owne proper haire , and such garments as her friends estate will affoord , or whether she loue to keepe within the house , and to the seruants haue a watchfull eie , or if shee haue a care when to spend , & when to spare , and to be content with what God doth send , or if she can shed no kind of vnstained teares , but when iust cause of hearty sorrow is , and that in wealth and woe , in sicknesse and in health , shee will be all alike , such a wife will , make thee happy in thy choise . Although some happen on a deuilish and vnhappy women , yet al men doe not so , and such as happen ill it is a warninge to make them wise , if they make a second choise , not that all other shall haue the like fortune , the sunne shineth vpon the good and bad , and many a man happeneth sooner on a shrew then a ship : Some thriue by dicing , but not one in an hundreth , therfore dicing is ill husbandry , som thriue by marriage , and yet many are vndone by marriage , for marriage is either the making or marring of many a man , and yet I will not say but amongst dust there is Pearle found , and in hard rockes Dyamonds of great value , and so amongst many women there ; are some good , as that gracious and glorious Queene of all womankinde , the Virgin Mary , the mother of al blisse : what won her honour , but an humble minde , and her paines and loue vnto our Sauiour Christ. Sara is commended for the earnest loue that she bare to her husband , not onely for calling him Lord , but for many other quallities : Also Susanna for her chastity , and for creeping on her knees to please her husband , but there are meaner histories which makes mention of many others , as that of Demetryes how that shee was content to run Lackey by her husbands side . Likewise Lucretia , for the loue and loyalty , that shee bare to her husband , being vnkindly abused by an vnchast lecher against her will , she presently flew her selfe in the presence of many , rather then shee would offer her body againe to her husband being but one time defiled . It is recorded of an Earle called Guncalles , that vpon the Kings displeasure was committed to prison , and his wife hauing liberty to visite him in prison , on a time she caused him to put off his apparrell , and to put on hers , & so by that meanes got out by the Porter , and she remained in prison ; and so by this meanes he escaped the angry rage of his Prince , and afterwards his wife was deliuered also . Likewise it was no small loue that Artymenes bare to her husband ; for after his death shee built such a famous Sepulchre ( and bestowed the greatest part of her wealth thereon ) in so much as at this day it is called one of the seuen great wonders of the world . Also Pliny makes mention of a Fisher-man which dwelt neere vnto the Sea side , and hee fell sicke of an vncurable disease , by which meanes hee endured such torment and paine , that it would haue grieued any creature to behold him ; his carefull and louing wife laboured & trauelled farre and neere to procure his health againe , but at last seeing all meanes in vaine , shee brake out with him in these words : Death at one time or another will come , and therefore rather then you should any longer indure this miserable life , I am content that both of vs preuent death before hee come : so this poore grieued mā did yeeld to her counsell , and they went forth to the top of an exceeding high Rocke , & there this woman bound her selfe fast to her husband , and from thence casting themselues downe , ended their liues together . Now I doe not commend this death to be godly , although it shewed great loue in the woman : no doubt but the King of Ayra had a very kind and louing wife as shall appeare , for when Alexander the great had depriued him of the greatest part of his kingdome , yet he bare it out very patiently with a valiant and manly courage , and without any shew of outward griefe at all : but when newes was brought him that his wife was dead , he then most grieuously brake into teares , and wept bitterly , and withall hee said , that the losse of his whole Kingdome should not haue grieued him so much , as the death of his wife . It is also recorded of Alexander , that at the death of his wife he made such a sorrowfull kind of speech for her , saying , Death were kind if he tooke nothing but that which offendeth ; but he hath taken her away which neuer offended . Oh death , thou hast bereaued mee of the better part of my life . It is also said of Valerius Maximus , that he on a time finding two Serpents in his bed-chamber , being strangely amazed thereat , he demaunded of the South-sayers what it meaned ? and they answered him , That of necessity he must kill one of them ; and if he killed the male , then hee himselfe must first die ; and if the female , then his wife should die before him : & because he loued his wife better then himselfe , he most grieuously made choyce of the male , and killed him first , and shortly after he dyed , leauing his wife a widdow . Such a kind foole to his wife was Adam ; for hee was forbidden on paine of death , not to eate of the tree of good and euill , yet for all that , Adam notwithstanding , to gratifie his wiues kindnesse , and for loue he bare her , refused not to hazzard his life by breach of that commaundement . But because in all things there is a contrary , which sheweth the difference betwixt the good and the bad , euen so both of men and women there are contrary sortes of behauiour : if in thy choise thou happen on a good wife , desire not to change , for there is a Prouerbe faith , Seldome commeth a better . And there is none poorer then those that haue had many wiues . Thou maist beare a good affection towards thy wife , & yet let her not know it : thou maist loue her well , and yet not carrie her on thy backe : a man may loue his house well , and yet not ride on the ridge : loue thy wife , and speake her faire , although thou doe but flatter her : for women loue to be accounted beautifull , and to be mistresses of many maides , & to liue without controlement , and kinde wordes as much please a woman , as any other thing whatsoeuer : and a mans chiefest desire should be first the grace of God , a quiet life , and an honest wife , a good report , and a friend in store ; and then what neede a man to aske any more ? Saint Paul saith those which marry doe well , but he also saith , those which marry not doe better ; but yet also he sayeth , that it is better to marry then to burne in lust . A merry companion being asked by his friend , why hee did not marry , he made this answere , and said ; That hee had beene in Bedlam two or three times , and yet hee was neuer so mad to marry ; and yet there is no ioy nor pleasure in the world which may bee compared to marriage , so the parties are of neere equall yeeres , and of good qualities , then good fortune and bad is welcome to them , both their cares are equall , and their ioyes equall , come what will all is welcome , & all is common betwixt them , the husband doth honour and reuerence her , and if he be rich he committeth all his goods to her keeping , and if he be poore , and in aduersity , then he beareth but the one halfe of the griefe , & furthermore shee will comfort him with all the comfortable means she can deuise , and if he will stay solitary in his house , she wil keepe him company , if he will walke into the fields , why shee will goe with him , and if he be absent from home , shee sigheth often , and wisheth his presence , being come home , he findeth content sitting smiling in euery corner of his house , to giue him a kind and a hearty welcome home , and she receiueth him with the best and greatest ioy that she can : Many are the ioyes and sweet pleasures in marriage , as in our children , being young , they play , prattle , laugh and shew vs many pretty toyes to moue vs to mirth and laughter , and when they are bigger growne , and that age or pouerty hath afflicted the Parents , then they shew the duety of children in relieuing their old aged parents with what they can shift for , and when their parents are dead , they bring them to the earth from whence they came . Yet now consider on the other side , when a wrinckled and toothlesse woman shall take a beardlesse boy ( a short tale to make of it ) there can be no liking nor louing betweene such contraries , but continuall strife and debate , so likewise when matches are made by the Parents , and the dowry tolde and paid before the young couple haue any knowledge of it , & so many times are forced against their minds , fearing the rigour & displeasure of their parents , they often promise with their mouthes that which they refuse with their hearts . Also if a man marry a wife for fayre looks without dowry , then their loue will soone waxe cold , insomuch that they vse them not like wiues , but rather like kitchinstuffe , whereas those which marry rich wiues , they haue alwaies something to be in loue withall . It is a common thing now a dayes , that fayre women without riches find more louers then husbands . Choose not a wife too faire , nor too foule , nor too rich : for if she be faire , euery one will be catching at her , and if she be too foule , a man will haue no mind to loue her which no body likes , & if too rich thou thinkest to marry with one which thou meanest to make thy companion , thou shalt find her a commaunding Mistresse ; so that riches causeth a woman to be proud , beauty makes her to be suspected , & hard fauoured maketh her to be hated . Therefore choose a wife young , well borne , and well brought vp , reasonable rich , and indifferent beautifull , and of a good wit and capacity : also in choyse of a wife , a man should note the honesty of the parents , for it is a likelyhood that those children which are vertuously brought vp will follow the steps of their parents , but yet many a tree is spoyled in the hewing , there are some which haue but one onely daughter , and they are so blinded with the extreame loue that they beare her , that they will not haue her hindered of her will whatsoeuer she desireth ; so suffering her to liue in all wanton pleasure & delicacy , which afterwads turneth to be the cause of many inconueniences . Now the Father before he marry his daughter , is to sift throughly the qualities ; behauiour , and life of his sonne in law ; for he which meeteth with a ciuill and an honest sonne in law , getteth a good sonne , and he which meereth with an ill one , casteth away his daughter . The husband must prouide to satisfie the honest desires of his wife , so that neyther necessity nor superfluity be the occasion to worke her dishonour : for both want and plenty , both ease and disease makes some women oftentimes vnchaste : and againe , many times the wife seeing the husband take no care for her , making belike this reckoning that no body else will care for her , or desire her : but to conclude this point , shee onely is to be accounted honest , who hauing liberty to doe amisse , yet doth it not . Again , a man should thus account of his wife , as the only treasure he enioyeth vpon earth , & hee must also account that there is nothing more due to the wife , then the faithfull , honest , and louing company of the husband , he ought also in signe of loue to impart his secrets and counsell vnto his wife , for many haue found much comfort and profite by taking their wiues counsell ; and if thou impart any ill hap to thy wife , shee lightneth thy griefe , eyther by comforting thee louingly , or else in bearing a part thereof patiently . Also if thou espie a fault in thy wife , thou must not rebuke her angerly or reprochfully , but onely secretly betwixt you two , alwayes remembring that thou must neyther chide nor play with thy wife before company , those that play and dally with them before company , they doe thereby set other mens teeth on edge , and make their wiues the lesse shamefaste . It behoueth the married man alwayes to shew himselfe in speech & countenance both gentle and amiable ; for if a woman of modest behauiour seeth any grosse inciuility in her husband , she doth not onely abhorre it , but also thinketh with her selfe , that other men are more discreet , and better brought vp , therefore it standeth him vpon to be ciuill and modest in his doings , lest he offend the chaste thoughts of his wife , to whose liking he ought to conforme himselfe in al honest and reasonable things , and to take heed of euery thing which may mislike her . Why some women loue their louers better then their husbands ; the reason is , the louer in the presence of his Lady is very curious of his behauiour , that he vseth no vnseemely gestures , whereby there may no suspition of iealousie or any exception bee taken by any thing hee doth : it behoueth euery woman to haue a great regard to her behauiour , and to keepe her selfe out of the fire , knowing that a woman of suspected chastity liueth but in a miserable case , for there is but small difference by being naught , and being thought naught , and when she heareth other women ill spoken of , let her thinke in her mind what may be spoken of her ; for when a woman hath gotten an ill name , whether it bee deseruedly or without cause , yet shee shall haue much adoe to recouer againe her honour and credite thereof : let a woman auoyde so much as may bee the company of a woman which hath an ill name , for many of them indeauour by their euill fashions and dishonest speech , to bring others to doe as they do , and many of them wish in their hearts that all women were like vnto themselues : it may be sayd of many women that the feathers are more worth then the birds ; therefore it behooueth euery woman to behaue her selfe so sober and chaste in countenance and speech , that no man may bee so bold as to assayle her : for commonly Castles , if they come once to parlie , are at point to yeeld ; therefore if a woman by chance bee set vpon , let her make this answere , When I was a maid , I was at the disposition of my parents , but now I am married , I am at the pleasure of my husband , therefore you were best speake to him , and to know his mind what I shall doe ; & if her husband be out of the way , let her alwayes behaue herselfe as if he were present . Also a woman may consider , if her husband be cholericke and hasty , she must ouercome him with milde speech , and if he chide she must hold her peace , for the answere of a wise woman is silence , and shee must stay to vtter her mind vntill hee be appeased of his fury , and at quiet , for if women many times would hold their tongues they might be at quiet . There was a very angry couple married together , and a friend being with them at supper , asked them how they could agree together being both so froward and testy : the good man made him this answer , When I am angry my wife beareth with me , and when shee is angry I beare with her , for with what heart can a man so much as touch a haire of his wiues head ? ( I meane rigorously ) for the husband ought to rebuke her with wordes secretly , and seeke to reforme her by good counsell , he ought to lay before her the shame of ill doing , and the prayse of well doing , if this will not serue , yet he ought rather patiently to forbeare her , then rigorously to beate her , for she is flesh of his flesh & there is no man so foolish to hurt his owne flesh , a man ought to be a comforter of his wife , but then hee ought not to be a tormenter of her for with what face can a man imbrace that body which his hands haue battered & bruised ? or with what hart can a woman loue that man which can finde in his hart to beat her ? Also when a man findeth a painefull and a careful woman , which knoweth when to spend , and when to spare , and to keepe the house in good order , then the husband will not deny such a wife any necessary thing belonging to the house : but if shee be a light huswife who liueth without doing of any thing , without caring for husband , children or seruants , or any other thing belonging to the house , thereby shewing , although her body bee in the house , yet her mind is abroad , which redowndeth to her shame , & to her husbands great hinderance , for whē the Mistresse is occupyed in vanity , the seruants care lesse for her profite , but looke to their own , for while the Mistresse playeth , the mayden strayeth . But these men are to be laughed at , who hauing a wise & a sufficient wife to do all the worke within dores , which belongs for a woman to doe , yet the husband wil set hens abroad , season the potte , and dresse the meat , or any the like worke which belongeth not to the man. Such husband 's many times offend their wiues greatly , and they wrong themselues ; for if they were imployed abroad in matters belonging to men , they would be the more desirous being come home to take their case , then to trouble their wiues and seruants in medling with their matters , for the rule and gouernement of the house belongeth to the wife . And he that hath a wife of his owne , and goeth to another woman , is like a rich theefe which will steale when he hath no need . Amongst all the creatures that God hath created , there is none more subiect to misery then a woman , especially those that are fruitfull to beare children , for they haue fearce a months rest in a whole yeare , but are continually ouercome with paine , sorrow & feare , as indeed the danger of child-bearing must needs bee a great terror to women , which are counted but weake vessels , in respect of men , and yet it is supposed that there is no disease that a man indureth , that is one halfe so grieuous or paineful as child-bearing to a woman : Let it be the tooth-ache , goute or collicke ; nay if a man had all these at once , yet nothing comparable to a womans paine in her trauell with child . Now if thou like not my reasons to expell loue , then thou mayest trie Ouids art , who prescribes a salue for such a sore ; for he counsels those which feele this horrible heate , to coole their flames with hearbes which are cold of nature , as Rew and Lettis , & other hearbes too long to recite : also he sayth , thou shouldest abstaine from excesse of meate and drinke , for that prouokes thy mind greatly to lust : also to hunt , to hawke , to shoot , to bowle , to run , to wrastle , and some other play , for this will keepe thy mind from thinking of lust : also shun slothfulnes and idlenesse , for these are the onely nurses of loue , eschew melancholy or sadnesse , and keepe merry company , turne thy eyes from the place where bewitching spirites are , lest the remembrance doe increase , and rubbe thy galled mind : also to eschew the place where thou didst first feele the fire that burneth thy mind with such vnquiet thoughts . Likewise , saith he , beware thou doe not twise peruse the secret flattering letters of thy supposed friendly ioy ; for if thou doe not refuse the often view thereof , it will much increase thy griefe , dolour and annoy : vse no talke of her whom thou louest , nor once name her ; for that will increase thy care , by thinking in thy minde , that thou beholdest her face : but some are perswaded that no rules of reason can asswage this griefe , for loue is lawlesse , and obeyes no law , no nor yet no counsell can perswade , nor take effect , or subdue the affection of his bewitched spirits . Furthermore , Ouid prescribes other reasons to expell the heate of loue for where loue is setled , the louers are many times hindered of their purpose : sometimes for want of friends consent , or distance of place ; then & in such a case , his counsell is to loue two or three , for loue being so diuided , makes the loue of one the lesse thought vpon : or else , sayeth he , satisfie thy lust vpon some other dame , for it will also helpe to weare the former loue out of thy mind . Loe thus Ouid shott , but yet hee mist the marke , not for want of learning , but for want of grace , for grace subdues and treades all vices vnder foot , although mortall meanes doth prescribe diuers other diets to waste the heate of loues desire , as long absence from the place where thy liking liues , for the coales of company doth kindle and heate the heart , that with absence would be voyde of harme , for absence doth quallifie that fire , and coole the mindes of those which many times the company of wantons doth warm ; for he which doth not shun the place where Venus in her glory sits , hath no care of himselfe , but suffers her to supprize his wits . The Bearebayting , or the vanity of widdowes : choose you whether . WOe be vnto that vnfortunate man that matcheth himselfe vnto a widdow ; for a widdow will be the cause of a thousand woes : yet there are many that doe wish themselues no worse matched then to a rich widdow ; but thou doest not know what griefes thou ioynest with thy gaines ; for if shee be rich , shee will looke to gouerne , and if shee be poore , then art thou plagued both with beggery and bondage : againe , thy paines will be double , in regard of him which marrieth with a maid ; for thou must vnlearne thy widdow , and make her forget her former corrupt and disordered behauiour , the which if thou take vpon thee to doe , thou hadst euen as good vndertake to wash a Blackamore white ; for commonly widdowes are so froward , so waspish , and so stubborne , that thou canst not wrest them from their willes , and if thou thinke to make her good by stripes , thou must beate her to death . One hauing married with a froward widdow , she called him thiefe & many other vnhappy names ; so hee tooke her , and cut the tongue out of her head ; but she euer afterwards would make the signe of the gallowes with her fingers to him . It is seldome or neuer seene that a man marrieth with a widdow for her beauty , nor for her personage , but onely for her wealth and riches ; and if she be rich & beautifull withall , then thou matchest thy selfe to a she-Deuill , for she will go like a Peacocke , and thou like a Woodcocke ; for she will hide her money to maintaine her pride : & if thou at any time art desirous to bee merry in her company , she will say thou art merry , because thou hast gotten a wife that is able to maintaine thee , where before thou wast a begger , and hadst nothing : and if thou shew thy selfe sad , she will say , thou art sad because thou canst not bury her , thereby to inioy that which shee hath : if thou make prouision to fare well in thy house , she will bid thee spend that which thou broughtest thy selfe . If thou shew thy selfe sparing , she will say thou shalt not pinch her of that which is her owne , and if thou doe any thing contrary to her mind , she will say , her other husband was more kind : if thou chance to dine from home , she will bid thee go sup with thy Harlots abroad : if thou go abroad and spend any thing before thou commest home , she will say a begger I found thee , and a begger thou meanest to leaue me : if thou stay alwayes at home , she will say thou art happy that hast gotten a wife that is able to maintaine thee idle : if thou carue her the best morsell on the table , though shee take it , yet shee will take it scornefully , and say , she had a husbānd that would let her cut where she liked her selfe . And if thou come in well disposed , thinking to be merry , and intreating her with fayre words , she will call thee dissembling hypocrite , saying , thou speakest me faire with thy tongue , but thy heart is on thy minions abroad . Loe these are the franticke trickes of froward widdowes , they are neyther well full nor fasting , they will neyther goe to Church nor stay at home , I meane in regard of their impatient mindes ; for a man shall neuer bee quiet in her sight , nor out of her sight , for if thou be in her sight , she will vexe thee as before said ; & out of her sight thy owne conscience will torment and trouble thy mind to thinke on the purgatory which perforce thou must indure , when thou commest home . She will make Clubs trumpe , when thou hast neuer a blacke card in thy hand , for with her cruell tongue shee will ring thee such a peale , that one would thinke the Deuill were come from Hell ; besides this , thou shalt haue a brended slut like a Hell-hagge , with a paire of pappes like a paire of dung-pots shall bring in thy dinner , for thy widdow will not trust thee with a wench that is hansome in thy house : now if that vpon iust occasion thou throwest the platters at the maids head , seeing thy meat brought in by such a slutte , and so sluttishly drest , then will thy widdow take pepper in the nose , and stampe and stare , and looke so sowre , as if shee had come but euen then from eating of Crabs , saying , If thou hadst not married with me thou wouldest haue beene glad of the worst morsell that is here : then thou againe replying , sayest , If I had not beene so mad , the Deuill himselfe would not haue had thee ; and then without cause thou blamest her of olde age and of iealousie , and for hiding her money , & for cōuaying away of her goods which thou hast bought with the displeasure of thy friends , and discredite to thy selfe , in regard of her yeares ; then againe , shee on the other side runneth out to her neighbours , and there she thundereth out a thousand iniuries that thou doest her , saying , my Corn he sendeth to the Market , and my Cattell to the Fayre ; and looke what he openly findeth , he taketh by force , and what I hide secretly , he priuily stealeth it away , and playeth away all my money at dice. Loe thus he consumeth my substance , and yet hateth my person , no longer then I feede him with money , can I enioy his company , now he hath that he sought for , he giueth me nothing else but froward answeres , and foule vsage , and yet , God knowes , of pure loue I married him with nothing , but now his ill husbandry is like to bring to ruine both me and my children : but now all this while she doth not forget to tell of her owne good huswifery , saying , I sit working all day at my needle , or at my distaffe , & he like an vnthrift , and a whoremonger runneth at randome : thus they are alwayes stretching their debate vpon the racke of vengeance . Loe here is a life , but it is as wearisome as hell , for if you kisse in the morning , being friends , yet ere noone ready to throw the house out at the window . The Papists affirme , that Heauen is wonne by Purgatory , but in my mind a man shall neuer come into a worse Purgatory then to bee matched with a froward widdow . Hee that matcheth himselfe to a widow and three children , matcheth himselfe to foure theeues . One hauing maried with a widow , it was his lucke to bury her , but not before he was sore vexed with her , for afterwards hee lying on his death-bed , his friends exhorted him to pray vnto God that his soule might rest in Heauē , & he asked them this question , whether ( said he ) do you thinke my wife is gone ? and they said vnto him , no doubt but that your wife is gone to Heauen before you , hee replyed , I care not whether I goe , so I go not where my wife is , for feare I meete with her and bee vexed with her as I haue beene heretofore . Another hauing married with a widow , being one day at a sermon , heard the Preacher say , whosoeuer will be saued , let him take vp his crosse and follow me ; this mad fellow after Sermon was ended , tooke his wife vpon his backe , and came to the Preacher and said ; here is my crosse , I am ready to follow thee whether thou wilt . Another hauing married with a widdow which shewed her selfe like a Saint abroad , but a Deuill at home ; a friend of her husbands told him , that he had gotten him a good , still and a quiet wife : yea marry , quoth the married man , you see my shooe is fayre and new , but yet you know not where it pincheth me . Another merry companion hauing married with a widdow , & carrying her ouer the Sea into France , there sodainely arose a great storme , in so much that they were all in danger of drowning ; the Master of the ship called vnto the marriners , and bade thē take & throw ouer bord all the heauiest goods in the shippe ; this married man hearing him say so , he tooke his widdow , and threw her ouer-boord ; and being asked the reason why he did so , he said , that he neuer felt any thing in all his life that was so heauy to him as she had been . Another hauing married with a widdow , and within a while after they were married , she went out into the garden , and there finding her husbands shirt hang close on the hedge by her maides smocke , she went presently and hanged her selfe for a iealous conceit that she tooke , and a merry fellow asked the cause why she hanged her selfe , and being told that it was for iealousie : I would said he that all trees did beare such fruit . Thou maist thinke that I haue spoken inough concerning Widdowes ; but the further I runne after them , the further I am from them ; for they are the summe of the seauen deadly sinnes , the Fiends of Sathan , & the gates of Hell. Now me thinketh I heare some say vnto me , that I should haue tolde them this lesson sooner , foe too late commeth medicine when the patient is dead ; euen so too late commeth counsell when it is past remedy , but it is better late then neuer , for it may be a warning to make others wise . But why doe I make so long a haruest of so little corne ? seeing the corne is bad , my haruest shall cease ; for so long as women doe ill , they must not thinke to bee wel spoken of ; If you would be well reported of , or kept like the Rose when it hath lost the colour , then you should smell sweet in the bud as the Rose doth , or if you would be tasted for old wine , you should bee sweet at the first like a pleasant Grape , then should you be cherished for your courtesie , and comforted for your honesty , so should you be preserued like the sweet Rose , & esteemed of as pleasant wine , but to what purpose do I goe about to instruct you know : ing that such as counsell the deuill can neuer amend him of his euill . And so praying those which haue-already made their choyse , and seene the troubles , and felt the torments that are with women , to take it merrily , and to esteeme of this booke onely as the toyes of an idle head . Nor I would not haue women murmur against me for that I haue not written more bitterly against men ; for it is a very hard winter when one Wolfe eateth another , and it is also an ill bird that defileth her owne nest ; and a most vnkind part it were for one man to speake ill of another . FINIS .