The western wonder, or, O Brazeel, an inchanted island discovered with a relation of two ship-wracks in a dreadful sea-storm in that discovery : to which is added, a description of a place, called, Montecapernia, relating the nature of the people, their qualities, humours, fashions, religions, &c. Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? 1674 Approx. 58 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 24 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2009-10 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A43178 Wing H1277 ESTC R19459 12399467 ocm 12399467 61233 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A43178) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 61233) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 941:14) The western wonder, or, O Brazeel, an inchanted island discovered with a relation of two ship-wracks in a dreadful sea-storm in that discovery : to which is added, a description of a place, called, Montecapernia, relating the nature of the people, their qualities, humours, fashions, religions, &c. Head, Richard, 1637?-1686? [4], 40 p. Printed for N.C., London : 1674. Reproduction of original in Cambridge University Library. Attributed to Richard Head. cf. NUC pre-1956. A satire on Ireland and Wales. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Satire, English. Voyages, Imaginary. Ireland -- Anecdotes -- Early works to 1800. Wales -- Anecdotes -- Early works to 1800. 2008-08 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2008-10 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2008-12 John Pas Sampled and proofread 2008-12 John Pas Text and markup reviewed and edited 2009-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE WESTERN WONDER : OR , O Brazeel , AN INCHANTED ISLAND discovered ; with a Relation of Two Ship-wracks in a dreadful Sea-storm in that discovery . To which is added , A DESCRIPTION of a Place , CALLED , Montecapernia , RELATING The NATURE of the PEOPLE , their QUALITIES , HUMOURS , FASHIONS , RELIGION , &c. LONDON , Printed for N. C. M.DC.LXXIV . five scenes O Brazeel : OR , The INCHANTED ISLAND . NEW Discoveries of late , are as much admired as Miracles of old , and as difficultly believed , notwithstanding the variety of apparent proofs which demonstrate their undoubted Verity ; and without question this Incredulity proceeds from no other cause , than the abuse of Belief , occasioned by such monstrous Fictions as the Isle of Pines , A New World in the Moon , with the like Lunatick Stories , by which the credulous World hath been misguided into a Faith wholly preposterously erroneous and ridiculous . That our present Discourse of this New Discovery of O Brazeel , may not be suspected of the like lying Reports , it will be requisite to inquire whether there was , first , ever any such place ? and next , whether yet it hath a being ? That there was an Island called O Brazeel , I need not bring any other proofs or demonstrations to confirm that Opinion , than your own observations out of Strabo , and other ancient Geographers , in whose Maps you may find both the Island , its name , and scituation ; yet of late years it hath not been seen , for which cause , some imagine that being but a small tract of Land , it is either swallow'd up by the Sea , or that the Island is Inchanted . We have greater Reasons to believe the latter , if we consider the various Reports have been spread abroad of late by such Sea-men , who by their several Affidavits have avouched they have seen this Island , but could not reach it , by all the skill they had in Navigation . And I that which most induced them to believe this must be that Isle so much talked of for its Inchantment , was , That it appeared in that part of the G●ean where they never saw Land before , and over which they frequently have Sail'd . I could instance several Reports of Fishermen , who at several times have seen it , but that I fear those Relations will be look'd on as the Chimaera's of a junior Quixot , or foolish Fictions , undeserving the Registry of a serious and judicious memory , since they seem to give Tom Coriat the Lye , and run away with the Whetstone from our famous Knightly Mandevil . However I cannot let pass what I heard from several of these Discoverers , who told me , they saw this Island ( no blue Cloud , as I would have persuaded them to believe , but a long tract of firm Land ) whereupon they bore up to it ; yet notwithstanding they made all the Sail they could , in Ten hours Sail they seem'd to be farther from it , than when first it appeared to their view . Another told me that he saw it , and thereupon made up to it ( hoping to be greater than ever that great Usurper Trinkelo , or at least be Vice-Roy of this Inchanted Island . ) The Sky was serene , the Sea smooth , and hardly a breeze of wind stirring , when he made this attempt , and therefore was extremely troubled he could make no better way . Whil'st he was thus perplexing himself , the Island seem'd to float unto him with such celerity , that in a little time he could discover Rocks , Trees , and men of a prodigious stature , who as they mov'd , look'd like walking Oaks , whose shaggy bushy hair outvy'd the spreading of their leav'd branchy tops ; and the waving of their hands , resembled much the turning of our Wind-mills Sails . On the shore , he saw infinite numbers of seeming Beasts of several shapes , and all so dreadful and horrid to look on , that he could endure the sight no longer ; wherefore tacking , he stood away in such distraction , that he scarcely knew what he did : and that which contributed thereunto as much as his fear , he was immediately encompassed with a Mist so thick , he could not see his hand before him ; yet could he see on the sides of the Vessel , the Masts and Yards , innumerable small lights , which shifted their stations , and interchanged one with another , at length they all incorporated together , whence proceeded a great and unusual slash of Lightning , attended with dreadful claps of Thunder ; after which , the Air grew clear , and serene again , but could not discover the least mark of what he had seen before . A Third gave me this Account of the Island : That being one day abroad a fishing , he discovered Land where he never saw any before ; and resolving to run the same hazard his Brethren had done before , he made up to it : coming within Musket-shot , as he imagin'd , he was saluted with such a Broad-side of Thunder , seconded with Lightning , and such a tumbling Sea , that had he not made all the Sail he could homeward , he had undoubtedly slept in David Jones his Locker . In his return , he found the Needle of his Compass useless , whereupon he try'd another , and found that the like ; and therefore it was needless to apply himself to either . The last Report I shall give you , is thus : A Vessel being bound for the Westward , and coming under the same Latitude where this Inchanted Island is said to be scituate , she was suddenly surprized , and involved in a Mist , yet stood under a very stiff gale ; whereupon she endeavour'd to lie by , but could not , for she would not answer to her Helm . Whilst the men were chasing and cursing , one instantly cryed out , Land ! Land ! Helm-a-lee , for the love of God. The Master being alarm'd at this dreadful noise , look'd out , and saw huge high Rocks just upon his very Bowe ; whereupon crying out suddenly to Heaven for mercy , those Rocks and Land adjoyning immediately , seem'd to drop a Curtsie under water , and the Master thought the Vessel sail'd clear over them . These strange and seeming incredible Reports , made me very inquisitive after the truth thereof ; and in all my inquiries I found the Relations of others so agreeable to the former , that they only differ'd in some few circumstances : from them all I gather'd what was most probable , and made a report thereof to some ingenious men of my acquaintance , who at first smiled at my fond Credulity , and blamed my over-forward faith in believing a company of ignorant Fellows , who had neither reason , nor sense enough to distinguish a blue Cloud from Land , which afar off looketh of the same complexion by reason of its distance ; and endeavoured to jeer me out of my opinion , by telling me it was as ridiculous as to think there are multiplicity of Worlds , or that one wherein we live , had its matter and form from a confused conflux of Atoms ; however , I could not be dispossest of my persuasion , but persisted therein , till I was farther confirmed by a Dream , wherein I thought I had a view of the whole Isle , and its Inhabitants ; and thus it was : My brain not any wayes disturb'd by Fumes proceeding from an over-running Cup , which are causes of phantastick Dreams , I fell asleep in a Summers afternoon , and dream'd I saw an Eagle unnaturally great , soaring in the Air ; whilst I was wondring at his greatness , he immediately stoopt , and took , me up within his tallons , and flew away with me with incredible celerity over Mountains and Vallies , and at length brought me to the Sea-side : where having rested a little while , he took me up again , and carried me to an Island ; and having set me down , vanisht . I was sirangely amaz'd hereat , not knowing what to do , till at length a person of a lovely presence . With an Angelical countenance , appear'd to me advising me to be of good courage , and follow him ; which I did accordingly ; but in our way we were obstructed by millions of Devils , and horrid Spectrums , whose shapes and forms were so afrightful , that had it not been for my Guide , I should not have been able to have stirred a foot forward ; but by his encouragement I went on , and saw other very strange apparitions , such as would have startled the most undaunted he that wears a head . My Guide having dissipated these , as well as the former , brought me at last unto a place which for soil and temperature of Air might vye with any place in Christendom ; here I gave my greedy eyes full liberty to feast on all the delicates Nature is capable to produce , which are too many here to numerate . The verdant Fields , and pleasant Groves , were not to be parallel'd ; but no sign where any Corn was sown : whatever grew , came up spontaneously , without the labour of the hands . I wondred that I saw no Houses , nor People to inhabit them in such a Paradise as this : whilst my eyes were busily inquiring into the excellency of such objects as presented themselves to my view , I saw Men , Women and Children ascend out of the bowels of the earth ( as I thought ) who were all naked , very white , and well-featur'd , who all fell down , and seem'd to worship a deformed ill-shapen thing , which I judged was the Devil ; hereupon I ask't my Guide the meaning hereof , who with an austere countenance told me , That the Isle was under the power of the Prince of the Air , and had been so for many years ; but the time is near at hand it shall be so no longer . The words were no sooner spoken , but there followed such loud peals of Thunder , as if the foundation of the earth had been torn asunder , accompanied with such Lightning seemingly to me , as if the element of Fire had been placed in the lower Region : these horrours were accompanied with such dismal sounds , that nothing else could better represent an infernal consort : this continued but a very little , and then the Horizon grew as splendent as before , without the least disturbance . Whilst I was in my greatest amazement , not knowing what to think or do , my Guide vanish't , and the former Eagle took me up in his tallons , and carried me the same way back again ; and having brought me to my habitation , left me , and then I awak't . Then did I ponder with my self what this Dream should signifie : after various considerations , I concluded this must be O Brazeel , and that I was the man must be its happy Discoverer . There wanted not Arguments to flatter my self into this opinion ; and being over-joy'd , I instantly ran to a Friend to tell him my Dream , and how well it suited with the former Reports concerning this Inchanted Island : this man did presently put great confidence in my Dream , and readily consented not only to be assistant in this new discovery , but likewise to go himself in person , having at that time a Vessel of his own of about Thirty Tuns ready fitted . No man could be fitter for this purpose than he and I : for we were both so indebted to the place wherein we were , that we only wanted a wind to Sell the Countrey . Having concluded on the design , we made no delayes , but getting Seamen aboard befitting our purpose , on October the 9th , 1672. we set Sail , bearing our course due West , sometimes West and by South , and sometimes West-North-West , each traverse not exceeding Fifteen Leagues in Longitude . We thus continued doing about seven dayes : on the eighth day in the morning , we espyed a blue Cloud at West-South-West ; the sight hereof overjoy'd only the Master , and my self ( for there was none of the Seamen privy to our design ; ) and that we might the sooner enjoy the fruits of our longing expectations , we made all the Sail we could up to it : the nearer our approach , the blacker it grew ; and having Sail'd towards it about half a watch , it vanisht in an extraordinary flash of Lightning . Being troubled to be thus disappointed , we alter'd our course , and stood away to the Northward till the next Morning , lying by all the Night . In the Morning we tackt , and stood to the Southward , and towards the Evening we had sight of it again , and in the Morning we seem'd to be very near it , and , as we thought , saw Ships riding at Anchor . Now did we verily believe this must be O Brazeel ; and whil'st the Master and I were contending who should be the Vice-Roy , or have most power and authority therein , the Wind rose high , and the Sea began to skud against it , the Sky was overcast , and the Elements seemed to contend which should perform first the part of a merciless Executioner . Certainly Neptune at this time wanted some pastime , and was resolved to play at Tennis , bandying us to and fro like Balls , making use of his Billows for his Rackets . Thus were we tost up and down two Dayes and Nights at least ; which so discomposed my Body ( being unaccustomed to such labour , and continual watching ) that I was forced to go into my Cabin ; and though I was sensible of imminent danger , yet my wearied body could no longer hold out . Just as I was rockt into a slumber , in came the Master with more speed than ordinary , being quickned ( as any might imagine by his countenance ) with the sense and apprehension of some sudden ensuing danger ; had he gone about to conceal his fears , he could not have done it , they were written so legible in his face in the characters of horrour and amazement : which made me ask him , Whether all was well ? he tremblingly , yet churlishly told me , I might sleep on , for 't was like to be my last . With that I leapt out , and coming on the Deck , I saw a Fellow at his prayers , who never said them , but when he thought he should as certainly dye , as be drunk when he came ashore : never did frightful Ghost startle poor timerous Mortals more , than the devout posture of that Fellow did me , knowing it an infallible symptom or forerunner of immediate ruine and destruction . In this dismal and fatal Exigency , I could hardly forbear smiling , ( though since I have condemn'd my Vanity in that condition ) to see a Fellow wringing of his hands , who had a Nose some dayes before as red as any blood ; which blood was now so chill'd and congeal'd by fear , that it lookt like the end of a half-boil'd Black-pudding . But to be serious , I made a diligent inquiry what should be the cause of their disorder'd and distracted looks ? I was answer'd by a File of Deaths-heads , That our Vessel had sprung a Leak , and that there was no hope of safety . You may imagine what a strange Metamorphosis these deadly words made in my face ; however , I presently bestir'd my self , and thought it requisite to use a helping hand , as well as a tongue , to cry God help . By my example , the rest fell to work , who were busie in doing nothing , and knew nothing what they did . I desired the Master to go down into the Hold , to find out the Leak our Ship had sprung ; who instantly return'd , and told me , That the Leak was both inscrutable , and incurable ; for the water flow'd in so fast , that we must now number our dayes by one single minute . I never heard a Deaths-head speak before ; and the Truth of it is , he lookt much more like Death himself , than his Messenger : had he said not a word , we might have read our ruine in his countenance . There was now nothing more to be done , than to hoist our Boat over-board ; which was as soon done , as commanded , and every one strove who should leap into it first ; I was the second , and having taken in four more , we put off from the Ship-side , fearing lest the sinking Ship should draw us in after it . Now did we Rowe we knew not whither , in a Sea which seldom wears a smooth brow in Autumn , which at this time contending with the Wind , swell'd into prodigious Mountains , which threatned every moment to be our Monuments . And that which aggravated our Misery , we had no sight of Land in an open Boat , no Compass to guide , no Provision to sustain us ; and the Night growing on upon us , nothing could preserve us , but a Miracle : and though the waves carried us up to Heaven , yet there was no ground for our hope or belief , that God should put his hand out of a Cloud , and take us miserable Mortals to himself from the top of a surging wave ; neither could we expect to meet any ship ; for though many ships come from the same place , and bound for the same Haven , yet they seldom meet in the vast Ocean , and Sail in the same Line ; there are no beaten paths in the floods , no High-wayes and common Roads in the Sea. Yet such was our good fortune , that we espied a Sail making towards us , and we what we could towards it ; but having but two Oars , we were not able to break the waves , and therefore made but little way . And now Despair seized us again ; for notwithstanding all our endeavours , we could not reach this Vessel , nor the Vessel us : and now indeed I could not forbear shedding tears , although I had no need of more salt water . This our pregnant hopes brought forth nothing but wind and water ; and we that before , at the sight of this ship , flatter'd our selves with the assurance of safety , were now as much confounded with a certainty of perishing . For my part , I judg'd it a less affliction to have had no hopes at all of a deliverance , than presently to fall from it . Questionless it did redouble the punishment of Tantalus , to kiss those Apples with his lips , which he must not taste with his tongue . But again we entertained fresh hopes : for in this our black and dismal Night , we espied a light , which presently we Row'd to with all might and main ; the ship standing towards us with more wind than her Sails could well bear , came up quickly with us : we crying all out , She hung on the Lee , and we came aboard of her ; we were entertained civilly by the Master of the Vessel , and his men , whom we understood by an English man on board , were Wallisians , and were bound for Montecapernia . Notwithstanding we escaped so miraculously , and had such good entertainment from Strangers ( when all hopes were lost ) yet our dejected countenances sufficiently declared the discontent of our minds , and desiring to be comforted as Job was after our losses , with twice as much as we had before . The next Morning the wind somewhat slackned , and the Sea was less turbulent ; but towards Night , it blew fresher than it did from the time of our Shipwrack . The day being shut in , and the Master knowing he was not far from Land , was at his wits ends , being none of the best Seaman ; and whil'st I was reading his fears in the confusion of his countenance , and thinking to advise him for the best , the Ship struck against a clefted Rock so violently , that there she stuck , till we had all the opportunity of leaping out ; but by reason of the darkness of the Night , the Master knew not where he was . With longing expectation to see the Morning-star draw the Curtain of the Night , we roved to and fro , and found still firm footing on a spacious Rock ; but as yet we had not light enough to discover us first to our selves ( being as yet in the dark ) as ignorant of our selves , as deplorable condition . Never did Night seem longer to any Mortal , than this to me ; for besides that I was thinly clad , having cast off my Coat , intending to swim , and had not leisure to put it on again , thinking it better to leave that behind , than my self ; I say , I had lost my shooes : so that though I was often up to the calf of the Legs ( as I rambled up and down in the dark ) yet I could not say I was over shooes . And now the long-expected morning drew near , and we fain would have seen before we could . In that twilight , every black Cloud we discern'd , we flattered our selves was some Town , or Village ; but when the Sun arose , we found our selves on a Rock , which was an Island when our Ship split upon it ; but the Sea ebbing , left us a dry passage to the shore , which was about Musket-shot distant . The Tide coming in , made us hasten to the Land , which was so fortified by Nature with such high and almost-inaccessible Rocks , that in our ascending them , we were in as great danger of breaking our Necks , as before of drowning ; but at length , with much difficulty we got to the top , and then the Master knew where he was , in his own Countrey , viz. Montecapernia ; notwithstanding his former loss , he was so over-joy'd that he knew where he was , that he leap't , and danc't : and for my part , I thought he would have skip't out of his Breeches ; and that he might easily do , having a hundred ways for his passage . And now before I come to give you an account of our entertainment in this place , with a description thereof , and a character of the people ; give me leave to give you an account of our Shipwrack in some few measured lines . A great Sea-storm described , which hapned in the discovery of O Brazeel , commonly called the Inchanted Island . Nothing but Air and Water is in sight , And each ' gainst t'other did its force unite . The blustring Winds let loose did raging fly , And made the Water seem to scale the Sky . Much like to Libertines let loose , will know No Law to guide them , but astracy will go . The Sea , to swell her teeming Womb , brings forth Wave after Wave , and each of greater Birth : Waves grow to Surges , Surges Billows turn ; The Ocean is all Tympany ; the Urn Of Water is a Brimmer ; Neptune drinks So full a Cup , it overslows the brinks : Insulting Waves , how durst ye proudly dash At Heav'n , as though its cloudy face you 'd wash ! What is the lower Water fully bent To mix with that above the Firmament ? Oy by Invasion does it go about To put the Element of Fire quite out ? The Sea roll'd up in Mountains : O! 't is such , That Penmen-maur's a Wart , if 't be so much . Which fall again into such hollow Vales , I thought I 'd crost the Sea by Land o're Wales . And then to add confusion to the Seas , The Sailers speak such Babel words as these : Hale in Main-Bowlin , Mizen Tack-aboard ; A Language like a Storm to be abhor'd . I know not which was loudest , their rude Tongues , Or the big Winds with their whole Cards of Lungs . So hideous was the noise , that one might well Fancy himself to be with Souls in Hell , But that the Torments differ ; those Souls are Punisht with Fire , but these with Water here . Our Helm , that should our floating Castle sway , We lasht it up , lest it should run away . Our Ship now under Water seems to Sail , Like a Toast drown'd within a Tub of Ale. Our tatter'd Sails did all hang down in pieces , Like hedge that 's hung with Rags , and Beggars fleeces . Our Tackling crack't , as if it had been made To assist the Fidlers , not the Boat-swains Trade . We pumpt our Ship , but to as little end , As to repent , yet never to amend : For all the Water we pumpt out with pain , The Sea with scorn returns , and more again . The Guns on board , design'd for our defence , Heav'n thundred so , it almost sear'd them thence . And yet to Heav'n for this give thanks we may , But for its Lightning we had had no day . Drinking Salt-water now the Glouds grow sick , And spew●d it down upon our heads so thick , That 'twixt the low , and upper Seas that fell , The Ship a Vessel seem'd , and we Mackrell Pickl'd in Brine , and in our Cabins lie , Souc't up therein for Immortality . The fear of being drowned , made us wish Our selves transpeciated into Fish . Indeed this fear did so possess each one , All look't like Shotten-Herring , or Poor-John . Nay , of our saving there was so much doubt , The Pilots faith began to tack about ; And had he perisht in this doubtful Fit , His Conscience sure with the same Ship had split ; For which way into Heav'n his Soul could steer , Star-board or Lar-board , that still cryes No neer ? But we were in great danger , you will say , If Seamen once begin to kneel , and pray . What Holy Church ne're could , the Seas have done , Made Seamen buckle to devotion ; And force from them their Litany , whilst thus They whimper out , Good Lord , deliver us : So I pray too , Good Lord , deliver me Henceforth from being taught to pray at Sea. This Wallisian Skipper ( who had so much compassion as to take us into his Vessel ) had so much good nature to conduct us to a House he knew , which was the Parson's of a neighbouring Village , by whom we were welcomed . Having dryed , and refreshed ourselves , we fell into some discourse with Mr. Parson , and his Wife ; and though they spake but little English , yet they indifferently understood the said Iliads of our misfortunes , which they exprest by their tears , weeping bitterly at our relation , so that one would have thought they had suffered Shipwrack , and not we . What meat they had , they did set before us ; and we fell to it so heartily , as if we would have repaired all we lost before by our long fasting , at one meal . Their Bread was broad Oat-cakes baked on a flat stone , made of stuff much like that which the Welsh call Haver-meal ; but their Beer is very strong , which they brew on purpose , as I imagine , to verifie the Proverb , Good Drink , is Meat , Drink , and Cloth : for in the coldest season they will go bare-foot , and be clad very thin ; but they will be sure to keep their understandings warm , and line their insides well with their potent Liquor . The next day , the Parson to express his kindness in a more liberal manner , desired us all to Dine with him : we had but one Dish for entertainment , and that so cram'd with such variety of Gods Creatures , that this Dish seem'd to me to be the first Chapter of Genesis ; there was Beef , Mutton , Goats , and Kids-flesh , Bacon , Roots , &c. and all so confounded , that the best palate could not read what he did eat , nor by his taste know and distinguish the several sorts of Creatures : though I was hungry enough , I did not like their thus working meat into a new Chaos , and saucing the Creators creatures out of the knowledge of Mankind . But when I understood that this hodge-podge proceeded more from Custom , than Curiosity ; and that this was one point of their good husbandry , to boyle all together to save charges , my former Censure was somewhat mitigated . The Parson took so great a liking to me , that he would not be denied , but that I should stay with him one Month ; to which , with much intreaty , I consented : the rest of the company took such courses as were most convenient for their present condition . In this time he brought me acquainted with many Gentlemen of this Countrey , one whereof so prevailed with me , as to live with him two years ; in which time , I took these true ensuing observations of the Countrey : if they are not so large and full as expected , let my small stay in that place make my Apology . The DESCRIPTION of Montecapernia , WITH THE Natures of the People , their Qualities , Humours , Modes , Fashions , and Religion . MOntecapernia is divided into two great parts , South and North ; and it may well admit of this division , since there is so great a difference in the manners and language of both places ; the South understanding the North , for the most part , as little as the English do the Cornish . The name Montecapernia , seems to be derived from the Latin Mons and Caper , as much as to say , Montes Caprorum , Mountains of Goats ; and so it may properly have that appellation , since there are few Countries afford greater plenty of them ; whose nature is such , they will climb cragged and almost inaccessible high Mountains , and dangerous Precipices , with as much facility as a Squirrel shall a Tree . Montecapernia to the Southward , is a Countrey inricht with Natures chiefest Treasures ; the fruitfulness of whose Soil may vye with most places of the Universe . Their Hills for height are dreadful to the eye ; and although they seem almost inaccessible , yet are very profitable to the Inhabitants , not only as to the Mines of Coals , Lead , and Silver , contain'd within the bowels of these Mountains , but also to the good Common they afford to vast numbers of Sheep , which are but small , yet very sweet Mutton , whose fleece employs many hands in that Countrey ; which plentifully supplies many more near adjacent , with good serviccable Cloth , Frize , Flannel , &c. Neither is the Northward of this Countrey so barren , but that the Land produceth what is necessary for the sustenance , profit , and pleasure of the Inhabitants . Their Beasts in general are but small , yet such ( as are for food ) much more indulge the palate , than any flesh in other parts ; what are for labour , are very serviceable , being full of mettle , exceeding hardy , and will carry Burdens , the greatness whereof would startle any mans belief . The Countrey is water'd by many excellent Rivers and Rivulets , which are furnished with great numbers of variety of Fish ; one sort whereof I took special notice of , having never seen the like before ; the Natives call it a Mort , they are of all sizes , speckled with red spots on the side , some whereof are as big as a Salmon , and eat exactly like it . Their Seas round about supply them with all manner of Shell-fish , and other sorts , the choicest which ever came to Neptunes Table ; which they convey to other Countries circumjacent , and thereby make a very great advantage . Their Marshes and Rivers ( of which they have plenty ) are visited by multitudes of Wild-fowl in the Winter-season ; their Hills are stor'd with Woodcock , Groust , Heath-cock , &c. Nor are they a little stored with Red-deer , Hares , and Rabbits . Fish and Flesh of all sorts are sold cheaper than can be imagin'd ; as a Quarter of Mutton for Eight pence , an Ell-long Salmon for Ten pence , a Pullet for a Groat , and in some places ( according to the season ) Twenty Eggs a penny . I know not whether this cheapness may arise from the plenty of the aforesaid provision , or the scarcity of money . The People in general are great admirers of their Pedigree , and have got their Genealogy so exactly by heart , that though it be two hours work for them to repeat the names only from whence they are descended lineally , yet will they not omit one word in half a dozen several Repetitions ; from whence I gather , they say them instead of their Pater noster , or their Evening and their Morning Prayers . The Gentry ( for the most part ) are extracted from very ancient Families , who are adored by the Commonalty ; and to give them their due , are good natur'd Gentlemen , exceeding free , and courteous to strangers , and extraordinary generous in their entertainments ; insomuch that I have seen in a Gentlemans house of indifferent estate , at a moderate Treat , Twenty Dishes , many of them trebly jointed , to recompence the smallness of the meat . Their want of Wine is supply'd by most incomparable Beer and Ale , which runs as free as Water on a visit ; and if you do not drink as freely , they think they have not made you welcome ; so that a man knows not how to take leave , till he is unable to stir a foot . They are very courteous in their Speech , and noble in their Carriage , firm ( where they take ) and constant in their Resolutions , splendid in their publick Ceremonies ( of Shrievalry , and the like ) couragious , stout , and great lovers of their Prince and Countrey ; honourable in their Inclinations , and resolute in their Enterprizes . In short , they are generally accomplisht in most respects , and greatly given to that they call Hospitality . As I have thus Characteriz'd the good , so take the bad with it , according to my observation , during my abode in this Countrey : the purest Wheat will have its Chaff , and there is no Wine but hath some Lees. Travelling into some places of no mean extent , I thought my self to be at the Fag-end , or A — of the World ; the Land being so exceeding barren , and destitute of Wood , that for Ten or Twenty miles together ( cross the Countrey ) you could not see a Bush to tye your Horse to , till you have untrust a point ; and therefore you must either bridle your mouth to stay your Horse , or trust to the tame nature , and good conditions of the Beast ; who if he be inclin'd to cool his mouth with a tuft of grass , he may sooner find it in a Feather-bed ; but if the quickness of the Air hath given him an appetite to eat , and a Stomack to digest Heath , Moss , and scragged Stones , he cannot want Provision . The People in these barren places have so little converse with Travellers , and the paths are so untrodden , that a man must aim at the way by guess , or carry a Compass with him : and yet he may easily mistake the most noted Road ; which if he do , he had need have recourse to his devotion for his miraculous deliverance from riding Twenty-four hours , and never the nearer his Journies end ; nay , it may be not six Miles distant from whence he stray'd , and in all his Travels see nothing but a flock of Geese , some scattered Sheep , half a dozen ragged Colts , and now and then a few Crows flying over his head , unless by chance under the side of some Hill ( if near a common Road ) he discovers a Smoke , which if he make towards ( and happily escape a Bogg ( of which the Hills afford great plenty , and very dangerous too ) yet will it be difficult to discern the stately Mansion whence the Smoke arose , till his Horses feet be very near the roof ; such is the Natives care in sheltring themselves within the Walls of Nature : And upon this account , I have heard several of them brag of the strength and strange scituation of their Towns , one whereof I had described to me , which engaged my Curiosity to see it ; whence I took this observation . It is scituated in a little Vale , encompassed round with Walls , which are a Mile thick , and more ; the entrance into the Town is under water , and the Steeple belonging to the Town , grows every years . This place lies to the Norward of Montecapernia ; and though it be contemptible for its buildings ; yet is often made the place for the General Assize of that County , where the Justices of Oyer and Terminer sit : where note , that this Countrey is governed by as wholesom Laws as any other Countrey . Now to unriddle the aforesaid description , the Town is built in a Hole , encompassed with very great and high Hills , which meet in their tops almost at the entrance into Town , by which means there is a Trough made over the passage from one Hill to the other , for a conveyance of a watry Brook , which otherwise would annoy the passage into Town : under this Trough the People travel , which is their going under water into Town : as for the Steeple , they have none , but the Bell hangs in an Yew-Tree in the Church-yard ; and there lies the quibble , that the Steeple grows every year . They boast of other strange things they have in their Countrey , namely , a great Green Bridge two or three Miles in length , on which ( like that under which the River Anus runs in Spain ) they can feed Two or three hundred Head of Cattle . It seems there is a River in this Countrey that runs some Miles under-ground , and disimbogues it self into the Sea ; the Inhabitants report , if a Goose should be put into this River , and she swim through this earthen Bridge , she will come out with never a feather on her back ; the cause to me is occult and hidden . There is another place far within the Land , through which , at high-water , the Sea will dash up a considerable height , with a noise both horrible and hideous ; this is occasioned by the concav'd Earth , giving an inlet to the Sea. They talk of a Well also they have , in which there is Thirty steps to descend into it ; in the stony side whereof , there is the exact impression of a man , which they say was Christ ( by which you may gather the Montecapernians have heard of our Saviour : ) this impression was occasioned , as they say , when our Saviour descending this Well to drink , he lean'd against the Wall , which was so tender-natur'd as to yield to his sides and limbs , lest its hardness should hurt any of them . Though these things may seem incredible , yet I can assure this , that they will talk to one another above Two miles distant ; that is , one shall stand on the top of one high Hill , and the other upon the other : And though their tops are near , yet in the descending of one , and ascending the other Hill , reckoning the interval between , and it will not amount to less than two Miles : this they will brag of too ; and to shew their wit , will tell you pretty stories ; as for example , that two Fathers , and two Sons , kill'd three Hares , and each carried home one , and no more ; that is , there was Grandfather , Father and Son : And to amuse you , will tell you , that one of their Countreymen caught a Fox , a Salmon , and a Pheasant at one draught in a Net ; that is , the Net was laid for the Pheasant , in a small Wood near the Sea-side , where was a Wyer in which was a Salmon , which the Fox getting , ran with it into the Wood , and so into the Net , just as he was drawing for the Pheasant , and so caught them all three . The Montecapernian Cots are generally built on the side of a Hill , not to be discerned till you just come upon them . The Cottage is usually raised Three foot from the Eves to the ground on the one side , and the other side hath a Rock for a Wall to save charges , in regard carriage is dear , and money but scarce , especially to such , who never see it but once in Seven years , when out of pure devotion they go to the next Market-Town in the season to receive the consirmation of their Faith , by sipping of Wine out of a Silver Cup , which the Parsons Wife sets all the year after for a grace on the Cupboard , and frequently serves for a Brandy-taster . If for nothing else , but for their taking the Sacrament , you may know they are no Heathens . The Hearth is placed in the middle of the house , and their Fuel is made of Earth and Cow-dung dryed in the Sun ; the Smoke goes through no particular place , but breaks through every part between the Rods or Wattles of which they make their Doors , sides , and Roof of the house , which commonly is no bigger than an overgrown Pig-stye ; to which they have two Doors , one alwayes shut on that side where the wind blows ; from whence I believe it is , that they brag they have the quickest Arenitects in all the world , because they can build a house in a day . The houses seem to mourn for the sterility of the Countrey , being hung all in black , occasioned by the Smoke ; and but look up , you may see the oyle of Smoke naturally extracted , beyond the Art of Chymistry , hanging on the Rods ; which if it chance to fall upon your Cloaths , I 'll warrant you are marked for a black Sheep , nor shall the art of man remove the stain . They delight not in variety of Rooms , hating Three Stories , as a Zealot does the Triple-Crown ; and that they may have all their Family about them inclosed in one Room , the Good-man and his Wife have their Bed raised up about half as high as the Roof , which is the Teaster to their Bed , made of Straw or Rushes , according to cold or warmer weather . The Sheets are the Womans Smock , which ( if she be a good Housewife ) shall contain her smaller Children on the one side , and her Husband on the other , when closed up ; and he peeping out at her bosom , you would take it to be an Hermaphroditical Monster , big with Child , and ready to be delivered . They get into this Bed by a stone or two set by the side : the Man and Wife lie at one end , and what Children they have ( Boyes and Girles ) lie at the other , their feet meeting all together higgle-de-piggle-dee . The rest of the Family they dispose of thus : a Goat or an Ewe they tye to the Beds-feet ; over their heads Roost their Cocks and Hens , and now and then shew the nature of their name , foul the foul faces of their Master and Dame ; this Dung likewise serves instead of Soap when they have occasion to wash , which is but seldom , having nothing besides their Cloaths to wear , but a Neck-cloth , and a Flannel Smock . Their general Food is a thin Oat-cake , which they bake upon a broad flat stone made hot , a little Sheeps-milk Cheese , or Goats-milk , boyl'd Leeks , and some Roots ; but seldom eat flesh , or drink strong Beer , but at Fairs , and Publick Solemnities : and then it is pity , for at any time Small-beer will set their Heads afloat , and their Tongues into a perpetual motion , talk of nothing but Pedigrees , grow quarrelsom , fight with their own Heels , and may be lose their stockings and shooes before they get home , which else might last them an Age , in regard they never wear them , but carry them on their backs , going bare-foot , till they come near a Market-Town , where Men and Women alike , with an inch-Pipe filled with Pigs-tail , or Mundungus Tobacco , and a great Turf of fire to light it , sit down on the ground , and put on their Stockings and Shooes to go in , and at their return , at the same place , pull them off again ; being more afraid to scratch their Shooes , than cut their Feet and Toes : whose skin is so hardned , that Men , Women and Children , in the midst of Winter , go Bare-foot on sharp Stones , pieces of Ice , edge or side , all alike to them ; for which reason there are few Shoocmakers in the Countrey , because commonly their Shooes last them an Age. At other times , their Drink is either three parts Water , and a fourth Milk , which they call Glastor , or a handful of Crabs bruised and laid asoak in a Bowl-full of running Water , for two or three hours . They have another sort of Drink called Whigg , which is a kind of a sour Whey . Likewise they have a Drink call'd Sicken-pen-fon , cold water poured on the Grains . The People are naturally inclin'd to Pride ; and to shew the Antiquity of their Family , some of them derive themselves the immediate and next of kinde to Adam . It is a thousand pities the People are so sloathful , being given to no manner of Industry , Husbandry , or any other useful improvement ; which partly occasions the barrenness of the Countrey so much to appear , that otherwise by active spirits might easily evince the contrary : for though they have many Hills , Mountains , and Boggs , yet have they matchless rich Vallies . It may be conjectured their sloathfulness may in part be occasioned by their ignorance ; some of the indifferent sort being brought up to read , and by the pretence of Centility , scorning a Trade , never heed the farther improvement of their Fortunes , or understandings , till the Father dyes , and the Elder Brother possess the Estate . They are a People generally envious , especially of the rise of their Neighbours ; naturally pragmatical , and inquisitive after others affairs , and alwayes blabbing , and telling Tales ; and so litigious , that they are ready to go to Law , if they see their Neighbours Horse put his head over their Hedge , or his Goose at their Barns-door . The Women are infected with the like quarrelsom humour . I have seen two Women about some trivial matter , fall together by the ears ; the Men took each others part , one Neighbour seconded one , and the next another ; till they had engaged two thirds of the Town in the quarrel , and none of them knew for what they fought , or how the fray began ; and to be revenged the more of one another , they sent the next opportunity for process in Battery , Trespass , Scaadal , and I know not what : and then to Law they went ( for they love it above any thing ) when they had spent their money , they were forced to put it to a Reference , and then are at another charge in Treating the Arbitrators , and their Friends ; who having feasted themselves , leave the business as they found it : And yet this great charge and trouble will not dissuade them from following these litigious courses , but are never at quiet , but when they have some suit or other depending : their Lawyers taking notice of the temper of the People , promote the differences , in humouring their fancies ; by which means , they continually drain their pocket , and this is one great cause of their general poverty . The Commonalty are extremely awed by their Superiours ; in such sort , a Tenant fears as much to speak against a Lord of the Mannor , or their next powerful Neighbour , as wiser men would dread to speak Treason against a Prince , under whose Allegiance be lives , and hath sworn to . And I have heard say , that some of them will swear and forswear any thing , that may tend to the benefit of that Landlord from whom he hath any dependance , and think it no great crime . Many notorious Vices are among them , which they look upon to be things of another complexion ; and this I believe proceeds from their ignorance in Religion : and that ignorance is occasioned by their Superiours , who in these latter years , have ingrost to themselves all Church-lands , and allowance for the Clergy . In several places it is so small , that six such portions will scarcely keep a single man alive . I knew one that had to the value of but Eighteen shillings English money per Annum , to officiate in Divine Service on the Sabbath day ; and therefore all the rest of the Week he was forc'd to Thatch , Thresh , or wrought otherwayes for Three pence a day . The next thing we shall Treat of , is the particular parts of Worship in their Religion ; And first for Baptism , they generally do carry the Child to the Church , as soon as born , if the Church be near , where at the Font the Child is named by the Godfathers and Godmothers , with a short Ceremony ; all whose Christian names , with the Parents , are conjoyned , which if wrote at length , would blot more paper than the Titles of the Grand Seignior . The Women are of a very strong constitution , the midling sort hardly keeping their Beds three dayes at a lying in ; and the fourth day will give no quarter to the groaning Ale , fight the fifth , and it may be go to Church the sixth , with the mark of the Lord of Northumberland's Arms under the Callicoe Hood , which they wear for a Kerchief . Their Marriages are made like bargains of old , like a Pig in a poke unseen ; for the Parents meet over a Cup of nappy Ale , where making some bargain for Wheat , Oats , or any other necessary thing they want , at last strike up a match between their Son and Daughter : this serves instead of wooing , by which means the first meeting is seldom till the Man comes to fetch the Woman to Church , attended with a Rabble of all the Relations , who must out of pure love not be sober that whole Week , and then the next Sunday attend them to Church again ; and there ends the Ceremony . They have no scruples in their Marriages ( as I could hear of ) for the nearest of Kin often intermarries with the other , one man frequently marrying two Sisters , &c. Their Burials retain something of the Relicts of Popish Ceremony : for next Night after the decease of the person , every Friend , Neighbour and Relation comes to his House , and brings each a Candle , and a Gun of Ale , where this jovial Crew light up their Lights , making a good Fire , and then drink remembrances of the dead , till some of them lose their own , and for want of Feet stand in need as much of Bearers home , as the Corps to the Grave . When the time comes to carry it out , which is within three or four dayes after the decease of the person , the Priest in his Surplice walks before the Guests , round the Corps , all confusedly , and the Corps in the middle : being near the Church , the Men put off their Hats , and then Men and Women fet up together such a hideous cry , that I can resemble it to nothing more proper , than to that , drowning Men make when the Ship is sinking : This they continue till they come to the Church , where the Priest in his own Language reads a little Service . And here observe the policy of the Priest : for having no certain Fee allowed for Burials , but by custom receives the free-will-offering of the next of Kin , and Friends to the deceased ; he will be sure , for fear he lose any of the Guests , to stop in the midst of the Service , and leaying his Book open , stands with his face directly against the Corps ; by which dumb signs , the People knowing his mind , they make their offering . The first of Kin goes to the Communion-Table , and throws down his Benevolence , perhaps a Six-pence , if he be a Brother , or so near a Relation . The rest by Pence , or Two-pence , do so increase the Parsons stock , that it may amount to Three or four shillings . After this he goes on merrily with the remaining part of the Divine Service ; and having finisht it , away to the Ale-house , where he is sure to have his charge born for that day . Another strange passage they have at their Burials , which I had almost omitted ; that is , they first give wheaten Loaves to the Poor , and as the Corps stands at the door on a Bier , the next of Kin to the deceased , taketh a new wooden Bowl ( never used ) filled with the best Liquor they have , and half a dozen wheaten Loaves , with a good piece of Cheese , and gives it cross the Corps to any whom he fancies to be the poorest Beggar ; who receives the same , and immediately drinks the Liquor , with a blessing to the Soul departed . Desiring to be satisfied concerning the meaning of that strange Ceremony , they answered , That the Souls of the deceased in their Rambles in the Elizium , do meet with a sweet-tasting pleasant Fountain , of which each Soul doth drink his Bowl ; and if that Ceremony were not performed at the Burial of the Deceased , they think that Soul would want those Necessaries in its supposed Ramble thither . Their Sunday is the most leisure-day they have , on which they use all manner of Sports ; in every Field a Fiddle , and the Lasses footing it till they are all of a foam , and grow infinitely proud with the blear-eye of affection her Sweet-heart casts on her Feet , as she dances , to a Tune , and no Tune , play'd on an Instrument that makes a worser noise than a Key upon a Gridiron . Their greatest Zeal , is in keeping Sacred some old Sayings of their great Grandsires , and preserving Sacred some old Relict of their Grandmothers ; in both of which they are so strict , that for the first , if they hear one whistle in the Night , they are afraid , and will avoid you ; because , say they , our Ancestors told us , that such as whistle in the Night , convers'd with the Devil , and call those Spirits in the Air together , by such sound , to confer with them . The Relicts of their Grandmothers are as severe ; for if she leave but an old Chair , a wooden Spoon , or any other trifle to them , they will preserve it Sacred , fearing to prejudice it in the least ; should any such thing accidentally happen , they would absolutely conclude it did presage some harm ensuing . They are great Lovers of Women , especially such of their own Countrey ; and so unsensible of the guilt , that they glory in the crime , and brag of their spurious issue . A Gentleman of good Note , whom I knew , had so many , that he knew them not when he saw them : several strange Women whom he knew not , taking notice of this advantage , did frequently send their Children to him , who to be rid of them quickly , gave them his formal blessing , with some small piece of money . I have heard of two other Gentlemen as libidinous as the former , the Uncle and Nephew ; the latter of which living in the Metropolis of Montecapernia , had a very handsom Maid to his servant ; yet although he had an incomparable Beauty to his Wife , nothing would serve his turn but the enjoyment of his Maid-servant : few persuasions were required to induce her to that which her own inclinations led her to ; so that in a little time she was wholly at her Masters devotion . Not long after , she prov'd with Child ; and that he might not incur the displeasure of his virtuous Wife ( not that he fear'd the blemishing of his Reputation for having a Bastard ) he sent her whil'st she was young with Child to his Uncle , that there she might privately Lie in , and no notice be taken . The Uncle receiv'd her , and became his Nephews Confident in his stoll'n Amours , without reproving him for his wantonness . Now , as one kindness deserves another ; so the Uncle having gotten this same Woman with Child a , little time after her delivery , and sending her to his Nephew to Lie in , the Nephew could do no less than receive her ; and did so , concealing the ignominy of his Uncle as much as in him lay . Such was their success in not being discovered ( the Wenches mouth being stopt with money ) that the Nephew sell to work again with her as soon as she had delivered her loading ; and getting her with Child , sent her back to his Uncle : And thus they sent her as a Token one to the other , till they had got six Children between them ; and had she not dy'd a little after she was quick of the seventh , there might have been a generation between them as long as the first Chapter of Matthew . More might be said in landem & vituperium , in the praise and dispraise of Montecapernia ; but my stay being there but a very little , I wanted both information , and further observation . FINIS .