Mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all places except the head quarters / by Borealis de la Garde.
         De la Garde, Borealis.
      
       
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             Mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all places except the head quarters / by Borealis de la Garde.
             De la Garde, Borealis.
          
           [2], 18 p.
           
             s.n.],
             [S.l. :
             Printed in the Year 1649.
          
           
             Reproduction of original in Bodleian Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
         eng
      
       
         
           Satire, English -- 17th century.
        
      
    
       A50641  R43443  (Wing M1776).  civilwar no Mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all De la Garde, Borealis 1649    6275 8 0 0 0 0 0 13 C  The  rate of 13 defects per 10,000 words puts this text in the C category of texts with between 10 and 35 defects per 10,000 words. 
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             Mercurius
             Venereus
             ,
          
           WHEREIN
           He
           Relates
           what
           hapned
           to
           Him
           in
           his
           severall
           SHAPES
           and
           TRANSMIGRATIONS
           .
           AND
           Communicates
           
             Intelligence
          
           From
           all
           Places
           ,
           except
           the
           HEAD
           QVARTERS
           .
        
         
           
             By
          
           Borealis
           de
           la
           Garde
           .
        
         
           Printed
           in
           the
           Year
           1649.
           
        
      
    
     
       
       
         
         
           
             MERCVRIVS
             VENEREVS
             :
          
           Wherein
           he
           Relates
           what
           hapned
           to
           him
           in
           His
           severall
           Shapes
           and
           Transmigrations
           .
        
         
           THough
           the
           name
           of
           
             Mercury
          
           hath
           been
           lately
           so
           defyl'd
           ,
           that
           scarce
           a
           scurrilous
           sheete
           hath
           appear'd
           ,
           but
           it
           hath
           assumed
           his
           Name
           ;
           yet
           since
           they
           have
           injured
           him
           only
           in
           his
           Office
           ,
           of
           politick
           capacity
           ,
           it
           is
           the
           more
           pardonable
           .
           Reader
           ,
           the
           
             Mercury
          
           you
           have
           so
           much
           heard
           of
           ,
           I
           am
           ,
           who
           do
           now
           appear
           abroad
           ,
           to
           shew
           thee
           ,
           that
           I
           have
           a
           naturall
           ,
           or
           physical
           capacity
           too
           ,
           though
           it
           be
           but
           a
           moderne
           one
           ,
           wherein
           I
           am
           as
           serviceable
           to
           
             Venus
             ,
          
           as
           I
           was
           heretofore
           to
           
             Iupiter
             .
          
        
         
           It
           is
           not
           yet
           full
           an
           hundred
           years
           since
           
             Mercury
          
           made
           
             Vulcan
          
           a
           Cuckold
           ,
           and
           had
           first
           to
           do
           with
           
             Venus
             ,
          
           ever
           since
           vvhich
           time
           I
           am
           known
           by
           the
           pleasing
           appellation
           of
           sweet
           
             Mercury
             :
          
           Since
           
             Paracelsus
          
           made
           me
           one
           of
           his
           Trinity
           ,
           constituting
           me
           the
           third
           principle
           ,
           or
           creator
           of
           all
           things
           ,
           I
           have
           been
           sufficiently
           debased
           by
           his
           Successors
           ;
           for
           whereas
           heretofore
           I
           plaid
           the
           theef
           for
           mine
           own
           use
           ,
           
           now
           the
           Chymists
           send
           me
           to
           the
           bottome
           of
           your
           pockets
           to
           pick
           the
           money
           out
           for
           their
           worships
           ;
           and
           though
           they
           give
           you
           nothing
           in
           exchange
           ,
           yet
           they
           call
           it
           transmutation
           :
           and
           if
           they
           would
           stop
           here
           ,
           they
           were
           as
           reasonable
           as
           other
           Physitians
           ;
           but
           they
           send
           me
           of
           an
           errant
           into
           the
           bowels
           ,
           and
           bodies
           of
           both
           sexes
           ,
           where
           I
           should
           ,
           though
           an
           unpleasing
           guest
           ,
           so
           journe
           all
           my
           life
           ,
           if
           I
           did
           not
           sometimes
           make
           an
           eruption
           ,
           or
           get
           out
           at
           another
           door
           ,
           like
           that
           poor
           Queene
           ,
           who
           sunke
           down
           at
           Cheering
           Cross
           ,
           and
           rose
           up
           at
           Queene-Hive
           :
           by
           this
           meanes
           I
           come
           to
           know
           the
           secrets
           of
           persons
           ,
           of
           all
           conditions
           and
           qualities
           ,
           which
           for
           the
           publick
           good
           I
           do
           intend
           to
           declare
           in
           this
           ensuing
           Discourse
           .
        
         
           First
           ,
           then
           ,
           that
           I
           may
           not
           be
           thought
           a
           Leveller
           ,
           I
           will
           begin
           with
           the
           Lords
           in
           Parliament
           assembled
           :
           Into
           one
           of
           whom
           I
           got
           admittance
           (
           it
           seems
           the
           priviledge
           of
           Peeres
           protects
           them
           only
           from
           Law
           ,
           but
           not
           from
           Physick
           )
           here
           I
           expected
           to
           have
           been
           at
           the
           inventing
           of
           some
           rare
           Plot
           ,
           agreeable
           to
           my
           active
           nature
           ;
           for
           it
           was
           just
           as
           the
           
             Scots
          
           Army
           had
           entred
           upon
           
             English
          
           ground
           ;
           and
           to
           that
           end
           ,
           thought
           to
           have
           mounted
           up
           into
           this
           great
           persons
           head
           ,
           but
           I
           found
           that
           so
           filled
           with
           lead
           before
           ,
           that
           there
           was
           no
           roome
           for
           poor
           
             Mercury
             ;
          
           nay
           ,
           I
           could
           not
           make
           him
           sensible
           of
           the
           dangerous
           courses
           he
           run
           ,
           so
           that
           I
           found
           nothing
           more
           certaine
           then
           that
           ,
           
             Ex
             quovis
             ligno
             non
             fit
             Mercurius
             .
          
           We
           should
           stay
           sometimes
           three
           houres
           together
           in
           expectation
           of
           what
           the
           
             Iuncta
          
           of
           Ladies
           had
           contrived
           ,
           which
           we
           swallowed
           without
           bones
           ;
           whence
           I
           learned
           ,
           that
           as
           the
           Commons
           are
           servants
           to
           the
           people
           ,
           so
           the
           Lords
           are
           to
           the
           Ladies
           :
           but
           this
           course
           of
           life
           was
           so
           contrary
           to
           my
           Genius
           ,
           to
           sit
           still
           three
           or
           four
           houres
           and
           do
           nothing
           ,
           that
           I
           tooke
           the
           opportunity
           of
           
           his
           yawning
           ,
           (
           for
           he
           never
           spoke
           ,
           )
           to
           steale
           out
           of
           his
           mouth
           and
           be
           gone
           ;
           though
           since
           I
           heare
           I
           might
           have
           stayed
           ,
           for
           that
           they
           are
           now
           to
           sit
           no
           more
           .
        
         
           When
           thus
           I
           had
           obtained
           my
           liberty
           ,
           I
           found
           the
           Army
           was
           marching
           out
           of
           
             Wales
             ,
          
           to
           fight
           the
           
             Scots
             ;
          
           then
           would
           I
           rather
           then
           my
           life
           have
           turned
           Souldier
           ,
           to
           have
           revenged
           the
           many
           injuries
           ,
           affronts
           ,
           and
           confinements
           put
           upon
           me
           by
           Quacks
           of
           that
           Nation
           ,
           who
           are
           more
           ,
           I
           dare
           say
           ,
           then
           of
           all
           the
           world
           beside
           ;
           but
           I
           perceived
           it
           was
           a
           harder
           matter
           to
           get
           into
           the
           Army
           ,
           then
           into
           the
           house
           of
           Peers
           :
           in
           summe
           ,
           it
           vvas
           impossible
           to
           obtaine
           entrance
           ,
           whether
           it
           were
           that
           they
           would
           not
           spend
           so
           lightly
           ,
           or
           that
           they
           have
           all
           handsome
           wives
           ,
           (
           as
           most
           other
           Preachers
           have
           )
           I
           know
           not
           ,
           but
           now
           it
           will
           be
           much
           more
           difficult
           to
           gain
           admission
           ,
           for
           as
           much
           as
           I
           understand
           they
           have
           cast
           off
           their
           Doctor
           of
           Physick
           :
           well
           fare
           the
           Cavalier
           Souldiers
           yet
           ,
           though
           they
           are
           better
           born
           ,
           yet
           they
           are
           not
           so
           hard
           of
           access
           ;
           a
           Gentleman
           ,
           as
           the
           Play
           hath
           it
           ,
           is
           known
           by
           his
           Gentleman-like
           conditions
           :
           this
           I
           am
           sure
           (
           my
           friends
           of
           the
           Army
           )
           they
           would
           never
           have
           suffered
           themselves
           to
           have
           been
           twice
           conquered
           by
           such
           Sectaries
           as
           you
           are
           ,
           if
           they
           had
           been
           
             tam
             Marte
             ,
             quam
             Mercurio
             .
          
        
         
           Being
           disappointed
           here
           ,
           I
           thought
           to
           make
           my
           address
           to
           the
           
             Iuncta-Ladyes
          
           ,
           that
           I
           might
           comprehend
           (
           though
           amongst
           the
           Lords
           I
           could
           not
           ,
           by
           what
           deepe
           and
           grave
           councels
           ,
           this
           last
           Summers
           war
           was
           mannaged
           ;
           but
           I
           failed
           of
           my
           attempt
           there
           too
           )
           for
           they
           were
           so
           stricken
           in
           years
           (
           as
           wisdome
           you
           know
           ,
           is
           the
           daughter
           of
           gray
           haires
           )
           and
           had
           been
           so
           accustomed
           to
           
             Mercuries
          
           service
           ,
           that
           they
           were
           grown
           (
           like
           
             Mithridates
             )
          
           proof
           against
           me
           ,
           and
           knew
           by
           experience
           that
           I
           was
           but
           like
           
             Herb
             Iohn
          
           to
           
           them
           ,
           and
           could
           doe
           no
           further
           good
           to
           their
           faces
           ,
           or
           harme
           to
           their
           bones
           :
           all
           that
           I
           learnt
           here
           ,
           was
           ,
           that
           most
           of
           the
           beauties
           turne
           wits
           afterward
           ,
           as
           naturally
           as
           a
           Caterpillar
           becomes
           a
           butterflie
           ;
           and
           last
           of
           all
           arrive
           to
           be
           Statists
           .
        
         
           Finding
           my selfe
           like
           thus
           to
           remaine
           in
           
             Cuerpo
             ,
          
           I
           resolved
           to
           doe
           as
           Gallants
           doe
           ,
           who
           when
           (
           in
           a
           long
           vacation
           ,
           or
           plague
           time
           )
           they
           finde
           themselves
           destitute
           of
           the
           amours
           of
           gallant
           Ladies
           (
           which
           ,
           you
           will
           say
           ,
           is
           a
           hard
           case
           in
           these
           dayes
           )
           are
           faine
           to
           betake
           themselves
           to
           
             Bloomesbury
             ;
          
           so
           I
           ,
           rather
           then
           I
           would
           want
           a
           place
           to
           hide
           my
           head
           in
           ,
           rendered
           my selfe
           at
           discretion
           to
           my
           old
           enemy
           the
           
             Chymist
             ,
          
           who
           when
           he
           had
           ex●●ined
           and
           tortured
           me
           ,
           sent
           me
           prisoner
           into
           the
           body
           of
           a
           fat
           Lawyer
           ,
           who
           had
           not
           long
           before
           married
           a
           Ladies
           daughter
           ,
           by
           which
           match
           he
           became
           so
           much
           a
           Gentleman
           ,
           that
           he
           was
           made
           fit
           for
           my
           Company
           ;
           at
           my
           first
           entrance
           into
           his
           head
           ,
           I
           found
           all
           in
           disorder
           ,
           nothing
           but
           crabbed
           entails
           and
           cases
           ,
           but
           I
           mended
           the
           conveiances
           in
           his
           brain
           ,
           and
           opened
           more
           obstructions
           then
           are
           in
           the
           sale
           of
           Bishops
           Lands
           :
           at
           last
           ,
           his
           little
           Law
           ,
           and
           lesse
           equity
           ,
           by
           the
           help
           of
           the
           nimblenesse
           I
           lent
           his
           tongue
           ,
           brought
           
             Jndy's
          
           home
           ,
           for
           I
           put
           mettall
           into
           him
           ,
           and
           he
           played
           they
           Phylosophers
           stone
           ,
           and
           turned
           all
           that
           mettall
           into
           Gold
           ;
           had
           not
           he
           then
           a
           good
           wife
           ,
           that
           could
           heighten
           his
           eloquence
           thus
           ,
           and
           by
           her
           practice
           mend
           his
           ?
           One
           day
           my
           Lawyer
           went
           to
           plead
           at
           the
           Committee
           of
           Indempnity
           ,
           and
           as
           he
           was
           opening
           a
           Petition
           ,
           I
           crept
           up
           into
           one
           of
           his
           eyes
           ,
           to
           peep
           out
           ,
           and
           looke
           about
           me
           ,
           to
           see
           if
           I
           could
           spie
           any
           of
           my
           acquaintance
           ,
           and
           vvho
           should
           I
           first
           blurt
           upon
           ,
           but
           a
           worthy
           Member
           of
           that
           Committee
           ,
           whose
           inward
           friend
           I
           had
           long
           been
           ;
           when
           
           he
           savv
           me
           ,
           he
           was
           so
           angry
           ,
           that
           I
           should
           come
           to
           affront
           and
           upbraid
           him
           there
           ,
           that
           he
           silenced
           my
           Counsellour
           ,
           and
           vvould
           never
           heare
           Petition
           opened
           since
           .
           Notwithstanding
           ,
           my
           Patron
           was
           not
           long
           after
           made
           Sergeant
           ,
           and
           as
           he
           was
           trimming
           himselfe
           in
           the
           glasse
           ,
           I
           could
           not
           abstaine
           from
           looking
           abroad
           againe
           ,
           to
           behold
           by
           reflection
           his
           reverend
           aspect
           ,
           when
           finding
           his
           beard
           shaved
           ,
           and
           a
           coife
           on
           his
           head
           ,
           I
           conceived
           my selfe
           to
           be
           a
           guest
           to
           one
           of
           these
           ancient
           procuring
           Matrons
           ,
           in
           whose
           corps
           I
           had
           been
           so
           often
           tormented
           ;
           and
           without
           farther
           study
           ,
           broke
           out
           at
           his
           nostrils
           in
           a
           sneeze
           ,
           and
           carryed
           away
           halfe
           his
           braines
           with
           me
           ;
           but
           the
           remaining
           halfe
           vvill
           be
           sufficient
           for
           him
           now
           ,
           since
           he
           is
           to
           have
           double
           fees
           .
        
         
           When
           I
           was
           got
           out
           here
           ,
           I
           bethought
           vvhat
           could
           happen
           to
           me
           worse
           ,
           and
           could
           guesse
           nothing
           ,
           except
           I
           should
           be
           sent
           (
           as
           the
           Devils
           were
           )
           into
           svvine
           .
           Well
           ,
           imployment
           grew
           scarse
           ,
           and
           
             Mercury
          
           cannot
           be
           idle
           :
           I
           was
           resolved
           to
           trie
           my
           fortune
           anew
           ,
           and
           bound
           my selfe
           apprentice
           to
           an
           Apothecary
           ,
           who
           presently
           sold
           me
           to
           one
           of
           your
           renevvers
           of
           nature
           ,
           or
           menders
           of
           Ladies
           faces
           ,
           who
           was
           a
           french
           man
           ,
           newly
           come
           over
           to
           recruit
           ,
           and
           lengthen
           out
           English
           beauties
           ;
           My
           new
           Master
           clapt
           me
           into
           a
           pot
           ,
           with
           some
           other
           ingredients
           ,
           and
           sent
           me
           to
           a
           Country
           Lady
           ,
           new
           come
           to
           Towne
           ,
           to
           take
           off
           her
           husbands
           Sequestration
           ,
           from
           whom
           she
           had
           received
           two
           things
           in
           commission
           :
           First
           ,
           to
           strive
           to
           looke
           faire
           when
           she
           went
           to
           the
           Lords
           ,
           and
           then
           to
           take
           care
           ,
           she
           fell
           not
           acquainted
           with
           the
           wits
           ;
           and
           being
           by
           a
           great
           Lady
           addrest
           to
           my
           Master
           ,
           and
           being
           supplyed
           in
           the
           first
           point
           ,
           by
           spreading
           me
           as
           thick
           as
           bread
           and
           butter
           on
           her
           face
           ,
           she
           goes
           one
           morning
           to
           
           
             Westminster
             ,
          
           to
           the
           lobby
           by
           the
           Lords
           house
           ,
           but
           it
           not
           being
           much
           past
           eleven
           ,
           which
           is
           too
           early
           an
           houre
           for
           their
           Lordships
           ,
           she
           enquired
           the
           way
           to
           the
           Commons
           House
           ,
           at
           whose
           doore
           she
           waited
           ,
           till
           a
           spruce
           handsome
           Gentleman
           ,
           powdered
           ,
           perfumed
           ,
           and
           set
           round
           with
           ribbons
           of
           severall
           colours
           ,
           came
           out
           ,
           to
           vvhom
           she
           makes
           her
           application
           ,
           and
           cries
           ,
           Sir
           ,
           if
           I
           were
           sure
           you
           vvere
           not
           one
           of
           the
           wits
           (
           as
           I
           hope
           you
           are
           none
           ,
           for
           you
           seeme
           to
           be
           a
           fine
           Gentleman
           )
           I
           should
           invite
           you
           to
           my
           lodging
           ;
           but
           indeed
           my
           husband
           hath
           given
           me
           warning
           of
           those
           naughty
           men
           ,
           who
           they
           say
           ,
           if
           a
           poore
           Lady
           doe
           but
           pleasure
           a
           friend
           ,
           or
           be
           troubled
           with
           the
           rheume
           at
           the
           mouth
           ,
           or
           a
           cold
           in
           her
           bones
           ,
           presently
           they
           make
           songs
           and
           libels
           of
           her
           ,
           and
           doe
           no
           more
           esteeme
           the
           embraces
           of
           persons
           of
           quality
           ,
           then
           of
           a
           milkemaid
           ,
           or
           a
           Landresse
           :
           The
           Monsieur
           ,
           with
           a
           low
           leg
           ,
           replies
           ,
           I
           beseech
           you
           Madam
           to
           satisfie
           your selfe
           that
           I
           am
           none
           of
           the
           wits
           ;
           if
           I
           were
           ,
           I
           should
           scarce
           have
           the
           honour
           to
           sit
           vvithin
           the
           walls
           of
           this
           house
           :
           they
           alas
           are
           carelesse
           ,
           slovenly
           people
           ;
           vvhereas
           I
           have
           all
           my
           cloathes
           ,
           powder
           ,
           linnen
           ,
           nay
           ,
           gloves
           and
           ribbons
           out
           of
           
             France
             ;
          
           besides
           ,
           I
           voted
           the
           Army
           to
           be
           disbanded
           eighteen
           moneths
           agoe
           ,
           with
           six
           weekes
           pay
           ,
           and
           have
           ever
           since
           been
           of
           the
           side
           against
           them
           ,
           even
           since
           the
           
             Scots
          
           were
           beaten
           ,
           and
           made
           a
           bonfire
           at
           my
           doore
           ,
           the
           last
           19
           ▪
           of
           
             November
             .
          
           And
           then
           Madam
           ,
           t
           is
           well
           knovvne
           ,
           that
           I
           honour
           great
           Ladies
           so
           much
           ,
           that
           I
           am
           seldome
           out
           of
           their
           company
           ,
           and
           had
           rather
           loose
           my
           money
           at
           twelve-peny-Gleeke
           with
           them
           ,
           though
           I
           see
           them
           jogg
           one
           another
           ,
           or
           be
           seene
           with
           them
           in
           a
           velvet
           coach
           in
           Hide-parke
           ,
           though
           it
           cost
           me
           tvvo
           peeces
           in
           stops
           ,
           or
           venture
           my
           health
           to
           enjoy
           
           the
           oldest
           of
           them
           ,
           then
           be
           plunged
           in
           the
           embraces
           of
           a
           young
           ,
           fresh
           ,
           innocent
           Countrey
           beauty
           ,
           with
           an
           Ordinance
           of
           an
           indempnity
           in
           her
           breech
           :
           more
           he
           would
           have
           said
           ,
           but
           my
           Lady
           was
           by
           this
           satisfied
           ,
           that
           the
           Gentleman
           was
           none
           of
           the
           wits
           ,
           which
           makes
           her
           invite
           him
           to
           her
           lodging
           in
           
             Covent
             Garden
             ,
          
           about
           eleven
           a
           clock
           that
           night
           :
           he
           promised
           to
           obey
           the
           summons
           ,
           though
           for
           the
           present
           he
           was
           much
           distracted
           with
           publique
           businesse
           ;
           and
           had
           his
           head
           full
           of
           freedome
           ,
           honour
           and
           safety
           .
        
         
           He
           keeps
           the
           assignation
           ,
           and
           comes
           ;
           after
           the
           usuall
           complements
           ,
           she
           fals
           to
           tell
           the
           story
           of
           her
           life
           and
           businesse
           ,
           which
           is
           too
           dull
           for
           
             Mercury
          
           to
           remember
           ,
           and
           conculdes
           all
           with
           an
           earnest
           request
           ,
           that
           he
           will
           tell
           her
           what
           these
           wits
           are
           ,
           that
           she
           may
           avoyde
           them
           :
           he
           easily
           condescends
           ,
           and
           begins
           ,
           Madam
           ,
           you
           must
           know
           ,
           that
           before
           these
           warres
           ,
           the
           wits
           were
           a
           Corporation
           ,
           or
           rather
           a
           Monopoly
           ,
           for
           no
           man
           was
           suffered
           to
           be
           accounted
           able
           ,
           or
           esteemed
           for
           parts
           ,
           if
           he
           were
           not
           free
           of
           their
           company
           ,
           or
           at
           least
           ,
           had
           licence
           from
           them
           ;
           They
           set
           up
           some
           for
           Schoole
           Divinty
           and
           Fathers
           ;
           Others
           for
           inventing
           new
           Religions
           ;
           Some
           for
           Politicians
           ;
           The
           inferiour
           sort
           ,
           for
           Poltry
           ,
           and
           all
           for
           Scepticks
           .
           Hither
           all
           the
           young
           Courtiers
           ,
           and
           Innes
           of
           Court
           men
           made
           their
           addresse
           ,
           to
           know
           whether
           they
           might
           like
           the
           last
           new
           play
           or
           no
           ?
           whether
           such
           a
           Lady
           might
           be
           cride
           up
           for
           a
           wit
           ?
           or
           such
           a
           new
           face
           rankt
           among
           the
           beauties
           ?
           vvhether
           such
           a
           worke
           was
           well
           written
           ?
           and
           they
           gave
           out
           their
           orders
           ,
           as
           duly
           as
           
             Sion
             Colledge
          
           did
           ▪
           what
           Doctrine
           was
           to
           be
           preacht
           .
           These
           was
           were
           esteemed
           and
           honoured
           every where
           but
           at
           the
           Court
           ,
           where
           they
           were
           abominably
           laught
           
           at
           ;
           notwithstanding
           some
           of
           them
           repented
           since
           ,
           were
           converted
           from
           being
           wits
           ,
           and
           dyed
           in
           the
           Kings
           service
           ;
           Those
           that
           remaine
           of
           them
           ,
           are
           so
           few
           ,
           and
           so
           scattered
           ,
           that
           they
           are
           not
           able
           to
           set
           up
           ;
           such
           of
           them
           as
           are
           of
           the
           Kings
           side
           ,
           are
           all
           to
           be
           Secretaries
           of
           State
           ,
           the
           rest
           are
           about
           this
           Town
           ;
           you
           may
           know
           them
           by
           their
           discourses
           of
           the
           affaires
           and
           resolutions
           of
           Christendome
           ,
           by
           their
           curiosity
           and
           desire
           to
           see
           strange
           things
           ,
           by
           their
           crying
           downe
           our
           English
           wayes
           and
           behaviour
           ,
           by
           their
           invectives
           against
           the
           Ladies
           of
           this
           Towne
           ;
           a
           Lady
           cannot
           whisper
           in
           Company
           ,
           but
           they
           are
           so
           malicious
           ,
           that
           it
           must
           be
           an
           appointment
           ,
           or
           at
           least
           ,
           want
           of
           breeding
           ;
           If
           a
           Countesse
           talke
           aloud
           ,
           sweare
           ,
           or
           drinke
           a
           quart
           of
           Sack
           at
           a
           meeting
           ,
           they
           will
           help
           her
           into
           a
           
             Lampoon
             ;
          
           In
           summe
           ,
           the
           poore
           beauties
           of
           this
           Age
           stand
           in
           more
           awe
           of
           them
           ,
           then
           they
           doe
           of
           
             Obadiah
             .
          
           If
           a
           Lady
           slip
           aside
           at
           a
           ball
           ,
           and
           be
           lost
           two
           houres
           with
           her
           Gallant
           ,
           the
           wits
           finde
           her
           out
           :
           If
           a
           maid
           be
           but
           out
           of
           Towne
           three
           monthes
           ,
           or
           a
           young
           widdow
           leave
           off
           her
           buske
           ,
           they
           will
           be
           playing
           the
           Phylosophers
           ,
           and
           searching
           out
           the
           cause
           .
           A
           great
           Lady
           cannot
           eat
           her
           break-fast
           in
           bed
           ,
           and
           dine
           within
           an
           houre
           after
           ,
           make
           one
           colation
           at
           
             Hide-Parke
             ,
          
           and
           another
           at
           
             Spring-Garden
             ,
          
           and
           then
           goe
           to
           a
           great
           Supper
           at
           
             Picadilly
             ,
          
           or
           the
           Beare
           ,
           and
           at
           last
           ,
           be
           entertained
           with
           a
           Banquet
           on
           the
           water
           ,
           and
           this
           not
           above
           six
           times
           a
           week
           ,
           but
           these
           will
           be
           apt
           to
           thinke
           her
           a
           glutton
           .
           And
           then
           they
           will
           make
           you
           such
           Encomiums
           of
           the
           Ladies
           of
           Queen
           
             Elizabeths
          
           time
           ,
           who
           understood
           worth
           ,
           and
           esteemed
           men
           of
           parts
           (
           and
           those
           they
           would
           have
           you
           conceive
           to
           be
           such
           as
           themselves
           )
           they
           tell
           you
           that
           then
           an
           Anagram
           on
           a
           Mistresses
           name
           ,
           or
           a
           Sonnet
           to
           
           her
           could
           prevaile
           more
           then
           all
           the
           Sullibubs
           ,
           and
           Cheescakes
           of
           the
           Age
           ;
           whereas
           these
           women
           (
           they
           tell
           you
           )
           had
           rather
           heare
           one
           crie
           God
           dam
           me
           Madam
           ,
           or
           whistle
           a
           French
           tune
           ,
           then
           have
           whole
           
             Arcadiaes
          
           made
           to
           them
           :
           then
           they
           will
           count
           you
           long
           stories
           ,
           what
           wise
           discreet
           husbands
           parents
           would
           in
           those
           dayes
           provide
           for
           their
           daughters
           ,
           and
           adde
           ,
           that
           now
           ,
           if
           a
           young
           Gentlewoman
           doe
           not
           marry
           a
           foole
           ,
           her
           mother
           will
           thinke
           her
           cast
           away
           ;
           and
           if
           the
           poore
           Bridegroome
           prove
           in
           time
           to
           have
           any
           Sparkes
           of
           wisdome
           ,
           is
           ready
           to
           put
           him
           for
           a
           cheat
           .
           They
           will
           urge
           next
           ,
           that
           there
           was
           no
           Lady
           in
           those
           dayes
           ,
           but
           scorned
           to
           accept
           Diamond
           Rings
           ,
           to
           have
           Gownes
           sent
           them
           by
           Gentlemen
           out
           of
           
             France
             ,
          
           to
           be
           fancied
           at
           Faires
           ,
           or
           be
           trusted
           by
           Millaners
           ,
           for
           gloves
           ,
           ribbons
           ,
           or
           Spanish
           red
           ,
           or
           to
           walke
           in
           the
           Exchange
           to
           have
           sweet
           meates
           given
           them
           .
           If
           a
           woman
           of
           quality
           be
           led
           in
           
             Spring
             garden
             ,
          
           by
           a
           Gentleman
           bare-headed
           ,
           you
           shall
           have
           one
           of
           them
           breake
           a
           jest
           ,
           and
           cry
           ,
           why
           should
           men
           be
           suffered
           in
           these
           dayes
           of
           Reformation
           to
           worship
           in
           Groves
           ?
           If
           any
           of
           them
           get
           admittance
           into
           a
           Ladies
           chamber
           ,
           and
           finde
           her
           
             Sperma-caeta
             ▪
             maske
             ,
          
           he
           exclaimes
           (
           by
           way
           of
           a
           Saryricall
           strong
           line
           )
           oh
           what
           a
           case
           are
           we
           poore
           men
           in
           ,
           that
           the
           whales
           lust
           must
           be
           brought
           hither
           to
           enflame
           ours
           !
           If
           he
           finde
           out
           her
           Sunday
           teeth
           ,
           though
           they
           be
           of
           purest
           Ivory
           ,
           they
           cannot
           scape
           him
           ,
           but
           he
           will
           crie
           out
           ,
           What
           ,
           must
           both
           the
           Sea
           and
           Land
           Monsters
           ,
           
             Leviathan
          
           and
           
             Bohemoth
          
           contribute
           to
           the
           luxury
           of
           this
           Age
           ?
           one
           to
           plaister
           the
           cheeke
           ,
           and
           the
           other
           to
           repaire
           the
           jaw
           ?
           but
           these
           are
           sometimes
           scorned
           in
           their
           kinde
           ,
           for
           I
           am
           credibly
           informed
           ,
           that
           he
           who
           writ
           
           
             the
             Parliament
             of
             Ladies
             ,
          
           dyed
           not
           long
           after
           of
           a
           Pryapisme
           ,
           and
           not
           a
           Lady
           ,
           or
           Gentlewoman
           in
           this
           Town
           could
           be
           entreated
           to
           take
           pitie
           on
           him
           ,
           and
           cure
           him
           :
           a
           judgement
           much
           like
           that
           ,
           which
           befell
           the
           Author
           of
           
             Ignoramus
             ,
          
           who
           lost
           a
           living
           for
           want
           of
           a
           Lawyer
           .
           Then
           they
           are
           as
           hard
           to
           be
           pleased
           with
           men
           too
           ,
           and
           as
           censorious
           as
           Schoole-masters
           :
           They
           will
           allow
           a
           quibble
           to
           be
           no
           jest
           ,
           &
           cannot
           heare
           a
           gingle
           with
           patience
           ,
           they
           dispraise
           you
           
             Quarlles
             ,
          
           and
           
             Withers
          
           works
           ,
           and
           crie
           up
           Dr
           
             Donnes
          
           Poems
           ,
           
             Coopers
             Hill
             ,
          
           and
           Mr.
           
           
             Mayes
          
           Continuation
           :
           And
           if
           any
           of
           them
           chance
           to
           be
           married
           ,
           or
           keep
           a
           Mistresse
           ,
           they
           are
           as
           vigilant
           over
           them
           ,
           and
           as
           jealous
           ;
           Here
           the
           young
           Lady
           could
           hold
           no
           longer
           ,
           but
           exclaimed
           ,
           marry
           !
           out
           upon
           them
           villaines
           ,
           I
           le
           heare
           no
           more
           of
           them
           ,
           I
           shall
           keep
           my selfe
           well
           enough
           from
           them
           ,
           and
           addes
           ,
           Sir
           ,
           I
           feare
           it
           is
           late
           ,
           and
           you
           may
           have
           farre
           to
           your
           loding
           ,
           if
           you
           please
           to
           accept
           halfe
           my
           bed
           ,
           you
           shall
           be
           very
           welcome
           ,
           for
           my
           husband
           saith
           ,
           he
           is
           so
           confident
           of
           my
           affection
           ,
           that
           he
           dares
           trust
           me
           with
           any
           living
           :
           The
           Gentleman
           was
           somewhat
           startled
           in
           Conscience
           ,
           for
           to
           say
           truth
           ,
           his
           conversation
           vvith
           great
           Ladies
           had
           made
           him
           stand
           more
           in
           need
           of
           me
           ,
           then
           the
           Lady
           :
           notwithstanding
           ,
           recollecting
           himselfe
           ,
           that
           his
           Covenant
           (
           as
           he
           was
           much
           for
           the
           Covenant
           )
           did
           engage
           him
           to
           bring
           Delinquents
           to
           punishment
           ,
           of
           whom
           the
           Lady
           was
           one
           ;
           he
           consented
           ,
           and
           leaps
           into
           the
           bed
           ,
           and
           she
           (
           as
           soone
           as
           she
           had
           put
           out
           the
           candle
           )
           takes
           a
           cloath
           ,
           and
           wipes
           me
           off
           from
           her
           cheeke
           ,
           and
           shewes
           me
           a
           way
           tovvard
           the
           fire
           ,
           by
           the
           help
           of
           which
           I
           soone
           evaporated
           away
           ,
           and
           got
           my
           libertie
           ,
           without
           being
           able
           to
           know
           what
           this
           vvorthie
           
           member
           did
           in
           her
           husbands
           ,
           or
           her
           businesse
           .
        
         
           The
           description
           I
           had
           heard
           made
           of
           a
           vvit
           ,
           filled
           me
           with
           ambition
           ,
           to
           be
           in
           the
           possession
           of
           one
           of
           them
           ,
           vvhich
           was
           crost
           a
           long
           time
           ,
           for
           that
           this
           Sect
           of
           men
           have
           little
           to
           do
           vvith
           Physitians
           ;
           at
           last
           ,
           by
           the
           help
           of
           a
           Baud
           ,
           and
           a
           
             Scots-man
             ,
          
           I
           got
           entrance
           into
           one
           ,
           who
           soone
           perceived
           vvhat
           guest
           he
           had
           (
           notwithstanding
           that
           the
           
             Scots-man
          
           cry'd
           ,
           The
           Deel
           tack
           my
           sal
           gif
           ye
           gat
           eny
           )
           and
           vvould
           never
           rest
           till
           he
           vvas
           rid
           of
           me
           ;
           it
           seems
           men
           of
           the
           same
           profession
           cannot
           bear
           one
           another
           ,
           vvhich
           was
           the
           cause
           that
           vve
           two
           great
           vvits
           could
           not
           live
           under
           one
           roofe
           ,
           so
           that
           by
           the
           helpe
           of
           an
           able
           Quack
           ,
           he
           made
           me
           be
           drawn
           by
           the
           head
           and
           shoulders
           out
           of
           his
           shin-bones
           ;
           the
           example
           ,
           and
           miracle
           of
           vvhich
           converted
           almost
           all
           the
           wits
           ,
           and
           they
           are
           since
           married
           ;
           for
           though
           they
           are
           scattered
           and
           dispersed
           ,
           yet
           they
           ,
           like
           the
           
             Iews
             ,
          
           keep
           a
           strict
           correspondency
           .
        
         
           The
           next
           body
           I
           got
           into
           ,
           was
           a
           great
           masty
           
             London
          
           Parson
           ,
           with
           a
           red
           head
           ,
           which
           was
           thus
           ;
           this
           Patriarke
           was
           not
           so
           much
           of
           the
           Spirit
           ,
           but
           he
           was
           somewhat
           for
           the
           flesh
           too
           ,
           which
           made
           his
           wife
           ,
           out
           of
           pure
           jealousie
           send
           for
           me
           ,
           and
           put
           me
           into
           a
           caudle
           ,
           to
           dispatch
           him
           ;
           but
           as
           the
           devill
           would
           have
           it
           ,
           and
           the
           sins
           of
           his
           Parish
           ,
           being
           brought
           to
           him
           one
           day
           ,
           as
           he
           was
           reading
           the
           Perfect
           Occurrences
           ,
           to
           examine
           his
           Hebrew
           ,
           and
           con
           his
           Intelligence
           by
           heart
           ,
           to
           help
           him
           out
           with
           his
           next
           thanksgiving
           Sermon
           ,
           he
           swallowed
           me
           ,
           but
           his
           red
           head
           overcame
           me
           ,
           it
           being
           naturall
           for
           one
           poyson
           to
           conquer
           another
           ,
           and
           so
           I
           could
           do
           him
           no
           harme
           :
           but
           he
           had
           little
           need
           of
           my
           help
           ,
           for
           he
           never
           preached
           ,
           but
           he
           could
           poyson
           the
           people
           without
           
             Mercury
             :
          
           he
           was
           a
           great
           driver
           
           of
           State
           affaires
           ,
           the
           Presbyterian
           members
           rid
           him
           ,
           and
           he
           rid
           the
           City
           ,
           and
           begot
           Petitions
           ,
           and
           Remonstrances
           ,
           no
           man
           was
           a
           more
           punctuall
           expecter
           of
           the
           Northren
           Letters
           then
           he
           ,
           in
           hope
           to
           be
           inspired
           from
           
             Scotland
          
           (
           for
           the
           Spirit
           ,
           as
           it
           did
           from
           
             Rome
          
           to
           
             Trent
             ,
          
           comes
           thence
           every
           week
           in
           a
           cloakbag
           )
           and
           he
           was
           once
           gathering
           hands
           to
           a
           Petition
           ,
           to
           have
           the
           day
           of
           the
           Posts
           arrivall
           changed
           from
           Munday
           to
           Saturday
           ,
           that
           so
           the
           people
           here
           might
           know
           their
           duty
           out
           of
           the
           Pulpit
           a
           week
           sooner
           :
           When
           he
           inveighed
           against
           the
           sins
           of
           his
           Auditory
           ,
           he
           did
           it
           with
           so
           much
           scurility
           ,
           that
           they
           could
           not
           be
           more
           ashamed
           of
           them
           ,
           then
           they
           were
           of
           him
           ,
           for
           he
           vented
           Libells
           in
           stead
           of
           Sermons
           ,
           whilst
           they
           that
           heard
           him
           did
           pennance
           ,
           and
           his
           Pulpit
           was
           the
           chair
           of
           Repentance
           for
           the
           whole
           Parish
           :
           when
           he
           chanced
           to
           preach
           before
           an
           assembly
           of
           Ladyes
           ,
           he
           would
           confute
           open
           breasts
           ,
           and
           prove
           black
           patches
           to
           be
           the
           marke
           of
           the
           beast
           ,
           and
           ever
           was
           in
           league
           with
           some
           Waiting-woman
           ,
           or
           Chamber-maide
           ,
           of
           whom
           he
           learned
           the
           name
           of
           every
           pin
           and
           knot
           ,
           the
           way
           to
           put
           on
           their
           cravats
           ,
           handcharchiefs
           and
           cauls
           ,
           to
           pin
           their
           bought
           locks
           to
           their
           rolls
           ,
           and
           the
           very
           ingredients
           of
           their
           washes
           ,
           dentifrises
           ,
           and
           powders
           to
           dry
           sweat
           (
           for
           it
           seemes
           
             English
          
           Ladies
           must
           ,
           like
           beefe
           ,
           be
           powdered
           ,
           to
           keep
           them
           from
           stinking
           )
           all
           which
           served
           him
           in
           stead
           of
           Schoole
           Divinity
           ,
           which
           he
           abhorred
           as
           Popery
           ,
           or
           Cavalarisme
           :
           when
           he
           came
           to
           any
           Lords
           ,
           or
           Parliament
           mans
           table
           (
           whom
           he
           preached
           into
           great
           places
           ,
           as
           they
           voted
           him
           into
           livings
           )
           there
           it
           was
           that
           he
           chiefly
           promoted
           the
           work
           of
           Reformation
           :
           he
           visited
           every
           dish
           more
           strictly
           then
           the
           University
           of
           
             Oxford
             ,
          
           and
           imposed
           censures
           on
           the
           wine
           ,
           &
           servants
           ,
           but
           would
           not
           
           suffer
           Gluttony
           to
           be
           any
           of
           the
           enumerated
           cases
           ,
           nor
           cause
           one
           dish
           to
           be
           suspended
           from
           the
           blessed
           table
           :
           when
           he
           was
           full
           fraught
           here
           (
           though
           most
           of
           the
           wives
           and
           daughters
           of
           his
           Classis
           were
           at
           his
           disposall
           for
           their
           spirituall
           ,
           and
           his
           corporall
           consolation
           )
           he
           would
           sneake
           into
           a
           little
           blinde
           bordell
           in
           Holborne
           ,
           where
           he
           would
           have
           three
           young
           wenches
           whip
           him
           ;
           so
           great
           an
           enemy
           was
           he
           to
           the
           superstition
           of
           
             Rome
             ,
          
           that
           what
           that
           Church
           ordained
           for
           pennance
           to
           take
           down
           the
           flesh
           ,
           he
           used
           to
           raise
           it
           .
           He
           married
           his
           eldest
           son
           to
           a
           Parsons
           daughter
           ,
           whose
           father
           soon
           after
           deceased
           ,
           and
           left
           her
           portion
           in
           Sermons
           ,
           all
           of
           the
           Presbyterian
           cut
           ,
           which
           being
           tipt
           a
           little
           with
           the
           story
           of
           the
           times
           ,
           and
           some
           new
           invectives
           against
           the
           Independents
           ,
           would
           have
           served
           him
           all
           his
           life
           ,
           when
           behold
           a
           most
           sad
           accident
           ;
           the
           Trumpeters
           of
           Sion
           (
           for
           so
           the
           Kirk
           of
           
             Scotland
          
           stile
           themselves
           )
           had
           just
           changed
           their
           old
           tune
           ,
           and
           learned
           another
           of
           the
           
             English
          
           Troopers
           ,
           and
           had
           sent
           strict
           orders
           to
           their
           subjects
           here
           ,
           that
           no
           more
           Presbytery
           should
           be
           heard
           of
           in
           the
           Pulpit
           ,
           no
           more
           Independents
           delivered
           to
           Sathan
           ;
           this
           put
           him
           into
           great
           straights
           ,
           as
           well
           what
           Sermons
           to
           preach
           ,
           as
           what
           Religion
           to
           be
           of
           ▪
           and
           if
           he
           have
           any
           ,
           I
           beleeve
           he
           is
           by
           this
           ,
           a
           Seeker
           ,
           for
           I
           came
           away
           without
           taking
           leave
           ,
           having
           perswaded
           two
           of
           his
           teeth
           to
           fall
           out
           to
           open
           me
           a
           passage
           ,
           and
           make
           his
           tedious
           discourses
           in
           the
           Pulpit
           less
           intelligible
           .
        
         
           By
           this
           time
           you
           will
           beleeve
           I
           had
           need
           of
           a
           little
           aire
           ,
           vvhich
           I
           went
           to
           take
           in
           St.
           
           
             Iameses
          
           Parke
           ,
           vvith
           a
           resolution
           ,
           that
           if
           I
           could
           ,
           like
           the
           Camelion
           ,
           live
           by
           it
           ,
           never
           to
           be
           a
           Caniball
           ,
           and
           feed
           on
           mans
           flesh
           more
           :
           vvhen
           I
           came
           into
           the
           Parke
           ,
           it
           was
           Sunday
           after
           Sermon
           ,
           and
           by
           
           reason
           that
           Spring
           garden
           was
           by
           speciall
           order
           shut
           ,
           and
           so
           the
           tarts
           and
           rhenish-wine
           suspended
           till
           the
           next
           day
           ;
           I
           found
           the
           great
           walke
           full
           of
           Ladies
           and
           Gentlemen
           ,
           and
           all
           of
           my
           acquaintance
           ,
           which
           made
           me
           steale
           back
           againe
           for
           fear
           of
           being
           ingaged
           ;
           and
           as
           I
           vvas
           nigh
           the
           outmost
           gate
           ,
           a
           leane
           chapfaln
           Chymist
           starts
           out
           of
           the
           cock-pit
           ,
           snaps
           me
           up
           ,
           and
           vvhen
           he
           had
           conveied
           me
           home
           ,
           clapt
           me
           into
           a
           Pill
           ,
           and
           carried
           me
           the
           next
           morning
           to
           a
           grave
           Member
           of
           the
           House
           of
           Commons
           ,
           of
           the
           Presbyterian
           judgement
           :
           the
           Gentleman
           made
           many
           faces
           ,
           &
           was
           very
           unwilling
           to
           swallow
           me
           ,
           for
           (
           as
           I
           understood
           since
           )
           he
           tooke
           me
           for
           the
           self-denying
           Ordinance
           ;
           at
           length
           he
           past
           me
           ,
           and
           I
           began
           to
           comfort
           my self
           ,
           in
           hope
           now
           to
           comprehend
           the
           true
           meaning
           of
           the
           Covenant
           ;
           but
           I
           soone
           found
           that
           he
           knew
           no
           more
           of
           that
           then
           I
           ,
           but
           had
           trusted
           the
           Assembly
           with
           the
           interpretation
           ▪
           and
           they
           the
           
             Scots
             ;
          
           he
           never
           spake
           in
           the
           House
           till
           he
           received
           a
           nod
           from
           some
           of
           the
           Grandees
           of
           his
           
             luncta
             ,
          
           whom
           they
           needed
           not
           trouble
           themselves
           to
           keep
           in
           ignorance
           ,
           Nature
           had
           saved
           them
           that
           labour
           :
           He
           never
           spoke
           
             Non-sence
             ,
          
           but
           he
           told
           Mr.
           
           Speaker
           t
           was
           the
           sense
           of
           the
           City
           ,
           and
           thought
           the
           best
           Government
           in
           the
           world
           ,
           was
           a
           Commoncounsell
           ;
           at
           last
           I
           began
           to
           dislike
           the
           dulness
           of
           my
           clime
           ,
           and
           resolved
           to
           be
           gone
           ,
           and
           thought
           to
           have
           taken
           my
           opportunity
           one
           day
           ,
           when
           the
           House
           was
           divided
           ,
           and
           those
           of
           my
           Patrons
           faction
           went
           out
           ,
           but
           he
           (
           conceiting
           that
           two
           vallant
           Independents
           ,
           who
           stood
           neer
           the
           door
           ,
           looked
           sterne
           upon
           him
           )
           durst
           not
           go
           out
           ,
           but
           hath
           been
           ever
           since
           for
           a
           balloting
           box
           ,
           and
           was
           in
           minde
           once
           to
           move
           the
           House
           ,
           that
           (
           seeing
           he
           ,
           and
           many
           more
           of
           his
           party
           had
           voted
           Blindfold
           ,
           for
           above
           
           two
           years
           together
           )
           those
           two
           Gentlemen
           might
           at
           least
           be
           blinded
           ,
           when
           the
           House
           was
           divided
           ,
           that
           so
           people
           might
           go
           according
           to
           their
           consciences
           :
           Well
           ,
           thought
           I
           ,
           t
           is
           not
           safe
           for
           me
           to
           dwel
           with
           a
           man
           of
           so
           little
           courage
           ,
           lest
           I
           be
           knocked
           ;
           so
           when
           his
           nose
           dropt
           ,
           I
           slipt
           out
           ,
           and
           got
           into
           the
           nosegay
           of
           him
           that
           was
           next
           me
           ,
           who
           hapned
           to
           be
           of
           the
           other
           faction
           ,
           he
           soone
           snuft
           me
           up
           into
           his
           nose
           ,
           and
           thence
           into
           his
           head
           .
        
         
           When
           I
           began
           to
           understand
           his
           secrets
           ,
           I
           wondred
           to
           see
           him
           there
           ,
           for
           I
           found
           that
           he
           was
           no
           member
           ,
           but
           unlawfully
           returned
           ;
           and
           looking
           into
           his
           conscience
           ,
           perceived
           he
           was
           no
           Independent
           neither
           ,
           only
           he
           had
           received
           this
           light
           ,
           that
           the
           only
           way
           to
           stay
           in
           the
           house
           ,
           was
           to
           seeme
           so
           ,
           and
           his
           staying
           there
           the
           only
           way
           to
           escape
           the
           comming
           to
           an
           account
           for
           fifty
           thousand
           pounds
           he
           owed
           the
           State
           .
           
             Mercury
          
           was
           never
           in
           his
           own
           element
           till
           he
           came
           to
           him
           ,
           for
           I
           learned
           my
           old
           trade
           of
           stealing
           ,
           perfecter
           then
           ever
           ;
           I
           used
           before
           to
           filch
           here
           and
           there
           ,
           a
           bit
           from
           such
           as
           were
           not
           aware
           of
           me
           ;
           but
           I
           was
           with
           one
           now
           ,
           who
           took
           all
           he
           saw
           ,
           even
           from
           them
           that
           trusted
           him
           ,
           and
           like
           
             Midas
             ,
          
           turned
           every
           thing
           he
           touched
           into
           gold
           .
           Then
           he
           had
           other
           trades
           too
           ,
           he
           would
           fall
           in
           talke
           with
           people
           he
           never
           saw
           ,
           and
           make
           them
           speak
           against
           the
           Army
           ,
           which
           he
           adored
           (
           especially
           since
           their
           great
           Remonstrance
           speaks
           nothing
           of
           accountants
           and
           would
           threaten
           to
           informe
           ,
           except
           they
           compounded
           with
           him
           :
           nay
           ,
           he
           was
           the
           Grandees
           setter
           ,
           to
           watch
           what
           the
           Presbyterians
           who
           sate
           next
           him
           whispered
           one
           to
           another
           ;
           he
           applied
           himself
           to
           the
           Congregations
           too
           ,
           would
           have
           been
           entred
           at
           the
           Orthodox
           Club
           at
           the
           Rose
           ,
           but
           they
           were
           too
           honest
           for
           
           him
           ,
           and
           would
           talke
           all
           day
           of
           glorious
           lights
           ,
           and
           steale
           at
           night
           to
           a
           baudy
           house
           ,
           without
           so
           much
           as
           a
           Lanthorne
           and
           candle
           ;
           whether
           for
           secresie
           I
           know
           not
           ,
           or
           covetousnesse
           ;
           for
           he
           was
           so
           sparing
           ,
           that
           two
           pence
           roast
           ▪
           beefe
           in
           Hell
           was
           a
           feast
           to
           him
           ,
           which
           he
           dispatch't
           vvhen
           the
           House
           was
           up
           ,
           for
           sooner
           he
           durst
           not
           goe
           ,
           though
           he
           should
           have
           starved
           ,
           for
           feare
           of
           displeasing
           the
           Grandees
           :
           This
           custome
           kept
           him
           fasting
           so
           long
           ,
           that
           I
           began
           to
           be
           in
           danger
           of
           my
           life
           (
           for
           nothing
           kills
           
             Mercury
          
           sooner
           then
           fasting
           spittle
           )
           which
           made
           me
           thinke
           of
           dislodging
           ,
           and
           I
           tooke
           my
           opportunity
           one
           Sunday
           ,
           as
           he
           was
           preaching
           in
           a
           Coach-house
           ,
           in
           Vinegar
           yard
           ,
           and
           came
           out
           of
           him
           without
           a
           lavvfull
           call
           .
        
         
           Reader
           ,
           I
           should
           now
           descend
           ,
           to
           acquaint
           thee
           with
           my
           severall
           transmigrations
           through
           the
           Ladies
           of
           this
           Town
           ,
           vvith
           many
           of
           which
           I
           have
           had
           not
           only
           a
           superficiall
           correspondence
           (
           as
           vvith
           the
           sequestered
           )
           but
           much
           intimacie
           too
           ;
           I
           should
           relate
           how
           I
           was
           tost
           like
           a
           Shuttle-cock
           ,
           from
           this
           Lady
           ,
           to
           that
           Lord
           ,
           from
           him
           ,
           to
           the
           next
           waiting-woman
           ,
           and
           so
           to
           the
           Roarers
           ,
           where
           I
           learnt
           to
           stand
           bare
           to
           exchange
           women
           ,
           and
           call
           Chamber-maids
           Madam
           ,
           and
           by
           them
           sent
           to
           the
           Citie
           ,
           and
           so
           backe
           againe
           to
           
             Westminster
             .
          
           How
           I
           went
           in
           the
           long
           vacation
           to
           the
           
             Bath
             ,
          
           and
           hovv
           I
           past
           my
           time
           there
           ,
           but
           this
           would
           require
           a
           volume
           by
           it selfe
           ,
           and
           vvould
           containe
           a
           Diurnall
           ,
           or
           rather
           Nocturnall
           of
           the
           women
           of
           this
           Town
           .
           But
           most
           men
           being
           so
           ingenious
           in
           the
           vvritings
           of
           others
           ,
           and
           malice
           being
           the
           greatest
           ingenuitie
           of
           this
           Age
           ,
           I
           feare
           I
           should
           not
           want
           Commentators
           ,
           vvho
           would
           point
           out
           every
           Subject
           ,
           as
           
           if
           she
           vvere
           named
           ,
           or
           glanc
           ▪
           t
           at
           ,
           vvhich
           proceedings
           
             Mercury
          
           abhorres
           ;
           nothing
           but
           this
           can
           sublimate
           me
           ,
           and
           make
           me
           poyson
           ,
           by
           rendring
           that
           a
           Libell
           ,
           which
           was
           meant
           a
           faithfull
           history
           :
           And
           though
           I
           am
           not
           ignorant
           ,
           that
           if
           I
           should
           take
           so
           bad
           a
           course
           ,
           I
           might
           happily
           please
           more
           generally
           ,
           then
           I
           displease
           ;
           the
           Ladies
           of
           these
           times
           having
           no
           higher
           pleasure
           ,
           or
           greater
           Lechery
           ,
           then
           to
           heare
           one
           another
           spoke
           ill
           of
           ,
           and
           to
           joyne
           in
           the
           defamation
           ;
           yet
           all
           that
           cannot
           vvorke
           with
           
             Mercury
             ,
          
           who
           amongst
           all
           his
           thefts
           ,
           never
           stole
           any
           persons
           reputation
           from
           him
           ;
           and
           though
           he
           have
           much
           of
           a
           French
           man
           ,
           yet
           he
           is
           unlike
           them
           in
           this
           qualitie
           of
           theirs
           ,
           that
           if
           they
           get
           possession
           of
           a
           beauty
           ,
           they
           cannot
           rest
           ,
           till
           they
           proclaime
           her
           name
           to
           all
           the
           world
           :
           No
           ,
           the
           obligation
           I
           have
           to
           that
           Sex
           ,
           is
           too
           notorious
           to
           expect
           such
           a
           returne
           ,
           they
           having
           kept
           me
           out
           of
           Gilders
           shops
           ,
           and
           Schoole-Masters
           clutches
           (
           vvhere
           I
           should
           have
           made
           ointments
           for
           ringwormes
           ,
           and
           waters
           for
           scabbie
           Children
           )
           to
           give
           me
           a
           noble
           habitation
           in
           their
           owne
           bodies
           and
           bosomes
           .
           Thus
           much
           notwithstanding
           ,
           to
           avoid
           calumnies
           ,
           I
           am
           forced
           to
           say
           in
           generall
           ,
           for
           mine
           ovvne
           justification
           ,
           That
           many
           of
           these
           beauties
           having
           made
           their
           breath
           stink
           with
           talking
           baudy
           ,
           would
           lay
           the
           fault
           upon
           poore
           
             Mercury
             .
          
           And
           as
           for
           the
           old
           saying
           ,
           that
           Ladies
           never
           piss
           ,
           but
           spit
           only
           ,
           though
           the
           modesty
           of
           that
           ,
           &
           all
           such
           expressions
           be
           wholly
           laid
           aside
           ,
           few
           fearing
           to
           avow
           any
           evacuation
           of
           nature
           ,
           or
           to
           call
           it
           by
           any
           name
           ;
           yet
           that
           Proverb
           was
           never
           litterally
           true
           till
           now
           ,
           for
           few
           females
           of
           my
           acquaintance
           void
           any
           moisture
           ,
           but
           at
           the
           pores
           ,
           and
           mouth
           :
           Sure
           ,
           if
           I
           had
           been
           as
           much
           in
           credit
           thirtie
           yeares
           agoe
           ,
           as
           now
           ,
           
           this
           Nation
           might
           have
           been
           happy
           ,
           and
           have
           avoided
           this
           warre
           ,
           and
           undone
           hackney
           Coach-men
           ;
           for
           the
           Children
           of
           this
           Age
           (
           I
           meane
           stall
           of
           Lords
           and
           Gentlemen
           )
           which
           will
           be
           men
           the
           next
           ,
           will
           be
           of
           too
           delicate
           a
           constitution
           to
           make
           Troopers
           of
           ,
           and
           will
           be
           contented
           to
           travell
           up
           and
           downe
           ,
           in
           Chaires
           and
           Litters
           .
           See
           then
           rare
           beauties
           the
           reciprocall
           obligation
           you
           have
           to
           
             Mercury
             ,
          
           who
           hath
           not
           only
           changed
           himselfe
           into
           more
           shapes
           then
           ever
           
             Jupiter
          
           did
           ,
           to
           serve
           your
           Sex
           ,
           but
           even
           of
           a
           God
           ,
           made
           himselfe
           corruptible
           ,
           to
           be
           disgested
           by
           you
           ,
           and
           converted
           into
           you
           ,
           and
           your
           posterities
           ;
           so
           that
           whilst
           he
           lives
           ,
           he
           lives
           serving
           you
           ,
           and
           when
           he
           is
           killed
           ,
           his
           desire
           is
           that
           he
           may
           be
           employed
           to
           make
           Looking-glasses
           ,
           that
           so
           he
           may
           ever
           be
           before
           your
           faces
           .
        
         
           FINIS
           .