Laugh and lie dovvne: or, The worldes folly Tourneur, Cyril, 1575?-1626. 1605 Approx. 59 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 22 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-01 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A13841 STC 24148.7 ESTC S111332 99846698 99846698 11685 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A13841) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 11685) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 738:13) Laugh and lie dovvne: or, The worldes folly Tourneur, Cyril, 1575?-1626. [44] p. [By William Jaggard] for Ieffrey Chorlton, and are to be sold at his shop, at the great north dore of saint Paules, Printed at London : 1605. Dedication signed: C.T., i.e. Cyril Tourneur. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: A-F⁴ (-A1,F4). Running title reads: The vvorlds folly. Identified as STC 15316a on UMI microfilm. Reproduction of the original in the Folger Shakespeare Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Satire, English -- Early works to 1800. 2002-05 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-07 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2002-08 Emma (Leeson) Huber Sampled and proofread 2002-08 Emma (Leeson) Huber Text and markup reviewed and edited 2002-10 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion LAVGH and lie downe : OR , The worldes Folly. Printed at London for Ieffrey Chorlton , and are to be sold at his shop , at the great North dore of saint Paules , 1605. To the Reader . BY your patience , if you haue leisure to laugh , and will take any paines to Read , it may be you shall be fitted a penny worth to your humour . Heere is no matter of state , diuinity , nor Phisicke , but , and so foorth , such stuffe , as will giue you occasion perhaps , when you haue worne it out , to commende it to your friends : t is no outlandish , but made at home , and nere the worse , for I know no reason to barre any man of his wits , that can tell kindely how to vse them : There are so many excellent writers in high Poetry , and strange plots , that poore men , who would do well , are afraide of euery Scholler , for feare of a scoffe , and of him that hath no learning , for lacke of wit. But at aduenture , this is done : how well , I knowe not , but you that Reade , may iudge as you list , there are changes in it enough to make a Play : but the foole in the midst may marre all : whose part , let it be put vpon my selfe , for too much prattle , I care not , if I here take an order with my pen to make an end of an idle Epistle . Your friend as occasion serues . To his most loued louing , and welbeloued , no matter whom . YOu Sir , hoping that you vvill take well , that is not worse ment , hauing nothing else , to giue you : I heere present you vvith a booke , vvherin , I haue vvriten as you see , vvhat it is you may Iudge , a strange course of an odde straine , in vvhich if you finde no matter to make you merry , feede fatte vvith your melancholy , till you be as madde as he that hath no more vvit , then he needes to occupie : There are many passages , to little purpose , to him , that vnderstands them not , & yet he that hath both his eyes , may see more then a blinde man : I hope you are none of them , if you be , God help you , for I cannot , for thogh many can make lipp-salue , yet , vvit-salue is past my skill : preceptes there are none , for I doe not keepe a schoole , excepte it bee of had-I-vviste , and then if I should set vp my bill , I should haue too many Scholers : my meaning vvas , to be merry vvith my selfe , and if in mine humor , I haue made any angrie , if he cannot haue patience , he must fret , till he be vveary : such as are vvise , vvill smile at their conceit , and the foole , for lack of vvit vvill finde fault , vvith he knovves not vvhat . Ten , to one , I shall not please all men , and Tvventy to one , I do not desire it : yet , loath to displease any , I leaue it indifferently , to euery one , intre●ing good minds to giue it good vvords , and for the 〈◊〉 I leave them to their bad humors : So , loath to tel 〈◊〉 vvhat follovves , I leaue my vvorke to the cen●●●e of your Good vvill : and so rest as I finde cause . Your louing Friend , C. T. The Worldes Folly. WIthin the compasse of the world ther is an island , whose name I haue not reade , and therefore I care not if I leaue it out : now , in this I slande , were diuers Townes , and Citties , among which , there was one greater then all the rest , the name whereof , was written vpon one of the Gates , but the letters were so worne out that I could make no English of them : and therefore , least I should do wrong to the inhabitants , to set it downe by a false name , I will say no more of it but that it was a faire cittie , and so leaue it . Now in this cittie , were many faire houses : but among all , one , of that bignes , that the Lord of the Towne had bene able to kéepe his Christmas in it , it was full of windows , for a man might looke through it : and all the smoake of the house went out in one Chimney . There were to this house , thrée Gates ; and all in a forefront , which shewed that it had the foundation of some Caitle : but by decaie , was brought to be an Almes-house . Now in this Towne were many sundrie sorts of people of all ages ; as Old , and young , and middle age : men , women , and children : which did eate , and drinke , and make a noyse , and die : but such as liued , had there , their sundry lodgings , that they might quickly be founde out , when there was occasion of their imploymeut . The house was large , and the Gouernor a great Man : I doe not meane in fat , ( and yet he was well lined in the Pursse : ) but he hadde a great commaund , especially of those about him : which because they were of small wealth , there is little to be saide of them : onely they were Creatures that serued the time , followed Shaddowes , fitted humours , hoped of Fortune , and found , what ? I cannot tell you . But at the entrance into the first base Court , wher walking of Horses was the chiefest exercise of Idle people : ouer the Gate , I sawe written ( Madde Fellowes ) Now , asking the meaning thereof of an olde Man ( who was the Porter ) who had written vppon his breast , The Kalender of Experience , he tolde me , this house was called the Fort of POLLY , where such as sold Lande and followed Fortune , to teache them Patience after poasting , were put to walking of horses : Where great spirits , stouping to little bodyes , made miserie a meane to happinesse : Where in the Crosse of Patience , companie gaue much comfort : yea but ( quoth I ) Doe all walke Horses ? and haue they no other intertainment ? yes ( quoth the Olde man ) within the house , are many , put to more vnpleasing seruices : As , they that haue spent their patrimony vppon Wantonnesse , are made Pandars to wickednesse He that lost his wealth at play , muste hold the Candle to Gamsters : and he that melted it in banquetting , must waite on a Churles Trencher : and he that spent it in the Warres , must learne to pray for Peace . Alasse ( quod I ) I haue beene a yonger Brother , and glad I would be to see fashions , but if here be no better intertainement , I haue no hart to goe in any further . Oh sir , quoth he , Content your selfe , you may doe better then you are aware of : For , if you haue any extraordinary qualitie , here you may make a gaine of it : If you can make a Ditty to a tune , you may fill your belly for your witte : If you can mende a decayed complexion , you shall be paide for your colour : If you can deuise a new fashion , there are that will be for your humor : if you can tell a strange tale , you shall be thought wise : if you can swthe a lie , you will growe plausible : if you can mannage the carriage of the Foole , you may haue sauour in faire Eies : if you can cheate at play , you may thriue by trickes : if you haue any languages , you may do good vppon strangers . And if you haue the strength of the backe , you shall not want necessaries of the Bellie : But whatsoeuer you doe , beware of conscience for she is in little credite : Alas quoth I then , what should I do héere ? For I had rather die , then liue dishonestly : Honesty ( quoth hee ) whatsoeuer you thinke of it , speake not a word of it . For in the course of Folly , a faithfull seruant is a good Asse : a kinde friend , is a swéet foole : A liberal hart is a feare of Beggery : and a charitable man is a pittifull creature . And yet , howsoeuer they come héere , I knowe not , but our house is full of them , and therefore if you be as you say , so scrupulous of Conscience , or so carefull of Honesty , you were beste make one amonge a number héere , then loose your selfe in a wildernes with want of companie . For héere , you may be Beauties Foole , Wealthes slaue , or Wittes asse , or Prides vassall , Honours shaddowe , or Powers subiect : you may be a Iester among fooles , a Iuggler among Gypsies , a Fortune-teller among fayre hands , or a flattrer among fine Eares : and perhappes , if you can be wise , bee nere the worse for weldooing . For t is no shame to honestie , to furnish necessitie , so that the lawe doe not touch you , for I haue lyued long , and neuer saw a tempred spirit out of Tune : and if you will be ruled by your friendes , you maye doe well . The Mistresse of this house hath no meane power in the world : for in the Warre , she hath her Mutiners : in the Schooles , her Truantes : in the Court , her Prodigals : in the Cittie , her Minions : in the countrie , her Lols : and at Sea , her Pyrates : and at Lande , her out-lookers . And let me tell you , that once a yéere , ( howe often more , I knowe not ) they all do her homage . The Cuckold hangs downe his head : the thiefe hideth his face : the Prodigall fetcheth a déepe sighe : and the Louer with infolded armes , and ( perhappes ) a wéeping Eye , singes a Ballad of his Brainsicknes , to the tune of O man in desperation . And therefore thinke not much , among so many of such reputation , to haue a place of Entertainment : Which , if you like not , and can mend your selfe , tell me your minde , and I will helpe you in what I can : but , this I say , she is a kinde woman , and will giue you countenaunce whensoeuer you come : for shee loues Straungers excéedinglye , and entertaineth them most kindely . Alas ( quoth I ) these wordes of yours are straunge , I knowe not when to make of them : I am not for hir hand , except she haue néede of me in some better seruice , then I yet héere of . Why ( quoth he ) let me tell you , it were straunge , that you should spend your wits , with your wealth , if the worste fall , let me tell you , if you can féede an Owle , teach an Ape , or catch a Spaniell , I will warrant you pleas`d for your paine . No ( quoth I ) imaginations of ydlenesse , are but losse of time , and therefore trouble not your selfe , I had rather neuer serue , then be at such commaunde : But , since Fortune hath brought me hither , I pray you do for me , what you can , that I may not so far loose my hopes , that I pay two déere for my Repentaunce . I will ( quoth he ) come on thy wayes : so in he brought mee to his great Ladie : who in a great brauerie , vaunting her selfe , asked me who I was ? I aunswered , a Cipher among figures : well said , ( qd she ) more wit in the words then in the matter : now , whence come you ? From idlenesse , ( quoth I ) well , ( saide shee ) that is the righte waie to Ignoraunce : Eperience , take this fellow , to thee , and let him reade the rules of Patience , which done , let him know his place . So taking leaue of his Lady , he led me into a large Roome , paued with rough flint stone in the midst whereof , was a kinde of standing water , that ( when it was sticced ) gaue a kinde of sent , that would haue kilde a horse : Alasse ( quoth I ) Father , what shall I doe héere ? Why ( quoth he ) you must know , they that haue spent their wealth in perfumes , sweete waters , and delicate Odors , must first , héere haue patience with a little vnpleasing sauour , for he that comes into such a great house , as your Forte of Follie : must not looke for all places , after the finest fashion ? For he that cannot away with Sir Reuerence , must not come at Patience : but after you are a little vsed to it , you will easily away with it : Oh , Patience is a vertue , though it waite vpon many villaines : but you must away with many viscontentmentes , before you can be acquainted with the secretes of this house , or haue fauour with our Mistresse . Heere , in this place , which is called the Purgatorie of ●●t●e , I must bring you acquainted with many , that haue lodging in this place , of whom you must haue diuers instructions , touching the Rules of Patience . So , knocking at one dwre , comes me out a handsome man , but poorely apparrelled , pale faced , thin hayzed , and lowe voiced : who , ( with a soft spéech , as in a feare to wake some sléeping Children ) badde vs welcome , whome the olde man thus saluted : Scholler , I haue this morning , met with a stranger , whome I haue preferred to my Lady mistresse : who hath giuen me in charge , to instructe him in all thinges fit for him in her Seruice : nowe , knowing your perfection in the first point of the Principalles of this Purgatorie , I will leaue him for this day to your entertainment : He is Welcome ( quoth he ) so , ( leauing me till the next morning , ) he went his may , and I ( in a pittifull taking , ) was brought by this Anathomie of flesh , into the discomefort of nature , where oppenning a little dwre , and that lowe , where we must stoope ere we got in , there did I sée ( with much adoe ) through a huge Sea-cole smoake , by a little light , that came through a hole , in the top of the house , a Roome filled with people of diuers humors , aswell olde as young , ( but the pittifullest of Creatures , that the Earth carried aliue : ) all sitting vpon the bare ground : some sighing ; other groaning , some wéeping , other wringing their hands : and not one , but in one Agonie , or other . Now , what with feare , and what with Sorrow , in a kinde of maze to beholde this mappe of mtserie , this poore wretch appointed for my Reader in the Rules of Patience , while I expected some booke or other , that he should fall to lay open to such purpose : he brought me to them all , one after another , willing me to note them seuerally , to giue eare to their spéeches , and to take notes of them for my better memorie . So sitting downe with him ( as it were ) in the midst of them , without any regard , either of me or themselues , while melancholy so domineired in all , that there was not a good humour among them : they thus began their blacke Sauntis . One , who ( it shoulde séente ) , had béene a trauailer , and nowe retyred perforce , from a worlde of Countries , fell thus to talke to himselfe . O Heauens , what a Hell is this ? Tyre the bodie , spende the spirite , emptie the purse , weary friendes , waste the wittes deserue well , desire little , and haue nothing : What comforte on the earth , but death ? Fortune is such an enimie to vertue , the rowling stone gathers no mosse , the vanitie of varietie settes the wittes a wooll-gathering , where the Shéepe are woorse then woolues , trauaile toylesome , victuall chargeable , apparrell costly , companie iealous , the sea daungerous , and nature vicious . These passages who hath paste , and is come vnto the ende of his pilgrimage , let him sing with me in this purgatorie : Oh the winde , the weather , and the raine . When shaking of his heade , with a heauie hearte , hee putte his tounge to silence : when hauing learned by his trauaile , ( hauing little money in his purse , ) to fare harde , hee fell to breake his fast nowe aboute dinner time , with the pill of an orange , a rawe roote , and a little salte : which with a harde cruste of drye biskette , and a cruze of colde water , hee made his patient repast : when , calling mée to him . Sir ( quoth hée ) if it please you , that you will take parte with a poore manne , wellcome shall bee your best cheare . A trauailers Table is soone couered : I haue beene verie well acquainted with kick-shoses , but now I haue learned to satisfie Nature with a little . Alasse , thought I , to take a bone from a Dogge , I should starue the dumbe beast , and rather had I fast , then fall to such hungrie fare . So , hauing manie more to looke ouer , the next was a man of Middle age , who had binne a man of some wealth : but , with entering into suretie , and taking vp Creditte , and giuing interest , fell so farre to decay , by leauing his Trade to his Seruantes charge , and followinge the course of his owne Pleasures , satte there with a néedle and a thréed , mending of Byréeches , Petticoates , and Stockinges : In which , being so practised , as got him now and then a little woorke , he had standing by him , for meat and drinke , a pot of strong Ale , which was often at his his nose , that it kept his face in so good a coulour , and his braine in so kinde a heate , as forgetting part of his forepassed Pride , in the good humour of grieuing Patience , made him with a hemming sigh , ilfauourdly singe the Ballad of Whilom I was , To the tune of Tom Tinker . This poore soule I pittied , but finding little matter in him , I went to the next : who being an olde man with a siluer head , and a snowy bearde , hollow chéeked . Iawe-fallen , and bleare eyed , shaking with the Palsie , and tormented with the Stone , not so Rich , as to haue the Gout , hauing beene a man of some possessions , and with too fat feeding of Horses , too high kéeping of Haukes , and too much delighting in banquetinges , through lacke of husbandrie , was forced to leaue himselfe without Lande , and hauing no more mony left , then in soiourning with Patience , might pay for his bourde in this purgatorie , hauing in a little Boxe , an Electuarie , which , with a little spirite of the iuice of Grape , kepte lyfe and soule together ; this poore man , talking to himselfe , of the vngratefulnesse of the proude ; the vnkindenesse of the rich , the hatefulnes of the wicked , the wo of the wan ton , and the miserie of the poore , the wilfulnesse of youth , and the wretchednesse of age : after many a déepe sighe , with a hollowe voice , in a solemne tune , with a heauie hearte , fell to sing the song of Oken Leaues began to wither : to the tune of Heauilie , heauilie . Which poore soule had no sooner ended , but for his best ease , falling fast asléepe , to his good slumber I left him . When nexte to him , sat a dapper fellowe with a smarte countenance : one , who ( it séemed ) in his youth had béene experte in the Passe a Measure : but , for want of a good eare to kéepe time , made no lasting commoditie of his idle qualitie . Nowe this fellows ( as it séemed ) had spent a greate deale more then his getting , vpon the gay furnishing of an euill fauoured carkasse , which growing out of square with good fashion , and with some great cold after a heat , in some extraordinarie labour , hauing gotten the crampe of the iointes , sat with a combe in his hande , dressing of haire to send to the Perriewigge-makers , which being a verie poore occupacion , gotte him little , but nowe and than , a little broken meate after the houshoulde had dined : who after hee had spit on his fingers and wiped them on his patched bréeches after dinner , in steade of grace ; fell to sing the ballad of the blinde Beggar , to the tune of Heigh ho. Nowe , taking no great pleasure in this Pawne at Chesse ; I took note of the nexte : who was a young man , faire of face , flaxen head , fine hand , and foote , streight body , good legge , and a reasonable good countenance ; but with all this , t was pitty he was a foole ; for as I found after ward by him , hee had béen a possessor of some small portion : which , through lacke of a good forewit , brought him into this purgatorie of Folly. For allas poore man , he had been so far in loue , that hee was almost out of his wits , ere his wealth was halfe gon ; and being brought to a bare point , hauing no further credit with beautie , then cost , not able to mantaine the course , was sains to giue it ouer in the plaine field : where so far forlorne of all comfort , that he knewe not where to bestowe his litle talent that hee had lost , fell by chaunce vpon this forte , where , hee nowe sat making of ballads ; where with a crust of breade out of his pocket , eating , and singing , hee howled out the dittle of When I was faire and young : to the tune of Fortune . But to heare how he cursed the vvenches that had ( as he said ) missused him vvith faire looks , kind promises , and such tricks ; oh fie vppon them , a man is vvorse then mad that hath to dooe vvith any of them ; and then , hovv he vvould curse himselfe , for selling of his lande , spending of his money , and loosing of his time , if a man in that place could haue laughte , it vvould haue put him to his passion . But there let him sing , and they that liste buye his Ballads . Now from him , I tooke note of the next , which was of the feminine Gender , one that was once a virgin had béene a little while a Mayde , knew the name of a wife , fell to be a Widdow , and laste of all , eyther through desire of change , or mislike of choice , or the instinct of Nature , or the corruption of the spirite , or want , or pride , I know not , but for want of a better trade , after she had giuen ouer her shop , betooke her to her Chamber : and there , not able to maintain house-kéeping with Idlenesse , fell to occupye suche wares as were most gainfull : Where , hauing stufs of all coulours , she so pleased her chapmen , that for a while she had good resort : but many of them falling to decaie , her ware growne old , and her stuffes common , she that had béen a whore in her youth , and a Bawde in her olde age , was now become an Almeswoman , and liued vpon a poore pittance , when after many a déep sigh , and bitter teare or two , she would sing the Lamentation of a Sinner , To the tune of welladaye . After all these , I sawe a yong woman , of reasonable beauty , indifferent good countenance , and of stature not much amisse , who being in all her life none of the richest , nor for her wit , none of the wisest : yet for that , she had a conceit beyond all good vnderstanding , that because a Knaue for a fit of Fie-for-shame or a companion , for gaine of a little coyne , woulde perswade her , that she was wonderfullie Faire , and excéeding wise , she , out of the great lacke of knowledge , in her little discretion , thinking , that if shée , out of the Common of two , shoulde be of a better declension then a simple Creature , perswading hirselfe that casting a Shéepes eye at a Rams-head , the Hornes shoulde not be séene , till the Ewe mighte auouch the Lambe , by the pride of a few pence , often frequenting the Market , and méeting her Willers at the Tauerne , it fell out , that after an ydle and loos life , by breach of promise of one expence vppon another , and ill dealing of all , hauing lost all fauor with her friends , loue of her Kinne , and the greatest part of her Portion , hauing now nothing left , but a wicked face , and a worse bodie , a gowtie legge , and a splay soote , fit for nothing , but a base exercise , shée was nowe with a little coyne , in a leather pursse , a sowle kerchiefe , a course Petticote , and a clowted shoo , become a Laundresse to the house : where with her handes vppe to the Elbowes in a washing-boul , rubbing vppe a baby-clowt , stood singing the Ballet , of All a greene Willowe , to the famous Tune of Ding , dong . Now there were diuers others in excéeding badde takings : as Lustie , Gallant youthes , that had spent and made hauocke of their Patrimonies , in attending vpon vaine hopes , and loosing their times , exclaiming vpon Fortune , growing ( euen as it were ) madde for lacke of money , here in this place were let to diuers Exercises , of whome the number was to be accounted verie great , and therefore I care not if I skippe them over : But yet amongst them al , there was one , that I tooke a speciall regarde vnto : a man of a good personage , a faire complexion , a quicke wit , and a gratious spirit , who either for punishment of his siunes , or for triall of his patience , had bene married to a most vilde woman : who , as she was neither faire , nor greatly well fauoured , yet , was she most excéedingly foolish , and intollerably frowarde : one , whome nothinge contented , but money , which she knew not well how to vse , when she had it , and yet , with this piece of vngratious creature , had this poore man tugged out twelue yéeres of his life , when , béeing so continually wearied out with vnquietnesse , that he knewe not where to bestowe himselfe , after long losse of time , expence of much money , and many a heactes griefe , thinking no Purgatorie so full of paine , as the passion of her frowardnes , satte there , reading of the vertue of Patience , when with his Eies full of teares , and hart-broken sighes he hummed out the Ballad of the Breeches , to the tune of Neuer more . Now this man ( after his song , ) I had some talke withall , who told me , that of all the Torments of the world ther is none so intollerable , as the vnquietnes of a frowarde wife . Oh shee is like Thunder in his Eares , like lightning in his eyes , like a Beare in his bed , and a dog at his Table , so that if there may be a Deuill in a humane shape , he will shevv himselfe in her picture : Oh quoth he ) I pray thee trouble mee not with speakinge of her , I haue griefe inough to think of her , for she was the plague of my youth , and is now , the miserie of mine age , for , in respect of her Pestilent tongue , this very Purgatorie , is a Paradise : shée hath béene the losse of my credite , the crosse of my Fortune , the hurt of my witte , and the onely vexation of my spicite : but peace ( quoth hee ) noe more wordes ; for nowe shee beginnes to awake , you shall sée a proofe of my spéeche : when stretching out a mouth , as wide as halfe a worlde , after a sléepye yawne or two , scarce well out of her dead slumber , ( persmading her selfe , that she hadde heard som part of her description ) out she breakes into her Naturall fittes : With yea , I heare you well enough , a vengeance of all such Husbandes . Good wife , saide he , know where you are , haue patience : Good Asse ( sayde shee ) Wherefore ? What should one doe with a Iacke an-Apes that hath neyther wit nor gouernement ; Thou haste nothinge of a man in thée , hange thée Dogge : Fye Sister ( saide he ) you are much to be blamed , neyther beautie , nor honor , Wealth nor wit , and yet out of Tune still . Fie , fie , learne to be Wise , this is a Purgatorye , where euerie body learnes patience , and you onelie spoile all : A Purgatorie indéede , saide shée , to be yoaked and matcht with a Slaue , as is by no meanes able to maintaine me , as well as others doe their Wiues : If thou canst not liue , heere is a knife to cutte thy throte , goe to the Sea and drowne thy selfe , or else vnto the Gallowes and hange thy selfe , I promyse thee I care not for thée : If I were well ridde of thee , I would haue thy betters , I haue no Trade to gette my liuing , and therefore doe as thou wilt or canst , I care not : Naye then ( saide she ) if that so be you doe not mend your maners , I shall be enforced to leaue you in your sleepe : and when you are awake , see what your mistcesse will do●e for you : and with that worde , swelting with Anger , and readie to foame at the mouthe , taking out of her pocket , a Ballad of the Tinkers wife that beate her husbande : after shée had grated her teeth , and knitte her browes and made a wru●ging mouth she fell to reading , till shee was fast a sleep : where , he ( not willing to wake hit ) rose quietly away from her , and with me stealing away from the company , brought mee out of that Roome into another Roome , more lightsome and comfortable , and yet , very pittifull to beholde , when the miseries there , were well considered : for , one that had bene in loue , sat looking on his Mistresse Picture , making such a legge to it , writing such verses in honour to it , and committing such Idolatrie with it , that poore man , I pittied him : and in his behalfe , sorrowed to sée how the Foole did handle him : but there sat he , hanging the head , lifting vp the Eyes , and with a déepe sigh , singing the Ballad of , Come liue with me , and be my loue : To the tune of adew my Deere . Next to him , sat a young woman , that was verie faire , and indifferent wise , of a right good stocke , and reasonably honest : but , for want of a good purse , she had lost her louer , and being grown into some yéers , hauing no excellent good qualitie , was there set with a pan of Coales , a starch-pot , and a setting-sticke , which being now the Trade of Attendance , to hope of the preferment of mariage , to some fellow of more wealth , then vnderstanding in the world , there sat with her poting sticke , stiffening of a fall : and singing the Ballet of Fortune hath stolne away my loue to the tune of Greene Sleeues . To which song leauing her , I cast mine eies vpon a pittifull creature , which , in the shape of a woman , made a pittifull sight : for , being both in proportion , countenance , and qualitie , an obiect woorthe the looking on : yet no sooner began she to vtter her passion , in the method of lamentation , but , she did so turne my hart in my belly , that if in hope of her better recouerie , it had not turn`d backe : a thousande to one , but my kindnes had cost me more then I should haue gotten by it : for , to tell you some part of her spéeche , ( though it were neuer in the Grammar ) yet , being in the Rules of the Accidents , for the better vnderstanding of the Reader , I will set it downe as I can remember it . Oh Lord ( quoth she ) what plague can be greater to a woman , then to be married to a Muskleboat , which neuer goes further then a cricke , to fish for a Frog , with a Goose-net : was euer any woman in the worlde brought into such a hell ? Oh let me thinke vpon my dingle dangle : in my bed , a log , at my table a Hog , in discourse , a Baby , in iudgement , an asse , and for all Imperfections , the substance of worse then nothing , And yet , I must , and haue , ( but , will no more , ) done reuerence to this monster , and bene a seruant to this slaue , and all , for a little money : but I haue done , I will héere rather pine to death , in this Purgatory of Patience , then passe one day longer , in the Laborinth of sorrow , to liue with such a none-such , a fool ? Why , I had rather be a beg gar with true wit , then a Lady without true honor : but , since Patience is a medcine for all Malladies , if he continue the coxcombe a little longer , I will fit him a pennyworth to the purpose : and in the meane time , till I sée him ( which I hope neuer to doe : ) let me sing my new Ballet , of the fine foole , to the tune of Tarlton : wherwith pulling a paper out of her pocket , wherein was written both the dittye and the note , she beganne like a Nightingall , to singe with a voice , that if I had not knowne her to haue bene a Woman , I shoulde haue thought her some better creature : but there let me leaue her in her dumps of Wella-day , and tell you further on , of my passage ; taking a little viewe of all these obiects , nothing what I thought most néedefull , I tooke the company of my friend , and came into an other Roome , greater then that before : where I saw diuers , sitting at a rounde table : and ( as it were ) at dinner : for euery one , had his Trencher furnished . One , hee fedde on Flies , and Bées , which so stunge his tongue and bit him by the lippe , that hee was forc`st to giue vppe houshold , and leaue all hospitalitie , and studie onely to please the Lady of the Castle : but , while he was in studie , he fed still vpon flies , that , ( had not his throat bene the wider ) hee had bene choaked with a flie , instéede of some better fare : but loathe to leaue him , without some further knowledge of him : I vnderstood , that , he had bene a man of some vnderstanding , but , so carried awaye with conceit : that because he thought himselfe wise , there was more hope of a Foole , then of him , for true wit to do good vpon ? for , trusting to the compasse of his owne capacitie , so much , that he disdained better company , he was so cosened with the cunning of wit , as , thinking to ouer-reach the Moone with imagination , he fell through the clowdes of Error , so low into the lap of Folly , as being swaddled vp , in her Babies bands , he must be very olde , ere he recouer his wits againe : but , poore wretch , there let him rest , and watch the Spiders webbe for a flie , for I had no more to do with him : but the next to him , sat a handsome woman , in shape , but , for her beauty , nointed with the curriers oyle : and for her wit , it was so naturall , that Art had nothing so do with it , yet hadde this vnséemely creature , among better company , a kinde of Pride , that she was woorth the looking on , till after great expences of apparrel for her filthy outside , and fine diet for her fowle chappes , she grew to so bare a reckoning with her purse , that her portion must now be raised vpon her qualities , which béeing chiefly in her Néedle , she was forced to be sparing of her dyet , and make layd-worke the greatest parte of her liuing , whereof though she had her handes full , yet Cut-worke being more in vse , she was constrained to take excéeding great pains for little profit : but hauing now newe risen vppe from her worke , and set downe at the Table , her meate was most chiefly on a fryed Mouse , and the reason thereof was , for that she being as watchfull as a Catte , and as broade eyed , and euil faced , neuer gotten without the consent , agréement , or conceite of some such like Creature , it was a dish set before hir to discipher hir disposition : and so let her sitte , her neighbour with a flie , and she with a fried mouse , like good fellowes , or good Fooles togither . Now , next her , sat a man , well stept in yéeres , but fine in apparrell , and so briske in countenance , as if he had fed vpon an Elixar , to recouer the losse of his strength , and he more strong in mind , then in body , to preserue the smoothnesse of his countnance , to deceiue the sight of a simple Eie , fedde onely vppon a Snayle , and so litle at once that he kept an exceeding spare diet : which , not being wholesome for all complexions , I meant not to meddle with : but so , leauing him to his perillous dishe , tooke note of her that was nexte him : who in the shape of a woman , was nothing pleaūng to man : for as she was olde , ( and therfore not Eiesome , ) so was she froward , and that was cumbersome : one , who in her youthe had been so lauish of her kindnesse , that now in her Age , she had nothing left but the contrary : and , where she might haue bene commaunder of many friends , shée now was growne to be an ouerséer of Idlenes : wher being so busie , with a crabbed humour , that she was vnfit for good company : lighting amongst beggers , that would flatter her for a poore reuersion , for want of a paire of spectacles , to leade the right way to her graue , she fell , ( by I know not what chaunce ) into this Fort of Foll , and so , in the society of these Fooles , sat at this table of good fellowshippe : where the most of her foode , was of the clawe of an olde Crabbe : a true Figure of her substaunce : for her little Eyes , her crawling féet , and her scratching fingers , the salt khewme , like the Sea water , and her graue , like a hole in the mudde , where , after her going forwarde and backward , she went stealing of time to litle purpose , feeding vpon the gaine of young people , as the crabbe doth on little ashes , she was sweetly disciphered in her diet but , least I grow tedious in her description , I will tell you of the rest . The next was a nimble witted , and glib-toung`d fel low , who hauing in his youth , spent his wits in the Art of loue , was now , become the Iest of wit for his looks were so demure , his words were so in print , his graces so in order , and his conceites so in tune : that he was , yea Iwis was he , and that he was , such a Gentleman for a Iester , that the Lady Folly , could neuer be better fitted for her entertainement of all Straungers . The picktooth in the mouth , the Flower in the Eare , the brush vpon the beard , the kisse of the hand , the stoupe of the head the leers of the eye , and what not , that was vnnéedefull , but he hadde so perfecte at his fingers endes , that euery she , was my faire Ladye , and scarce a Knight , was , Noble Sir , the Tabacco-pipe was at hand , when Trinidado , was not forgotten : and then a Tale of a roasted horse , to make an asse laugh , for lacke of witte : why , all thinges so well agreede togither , that at this square Table of people , or table of square people , this Man , ( made by rule ) could not be spared for a great summe . Now , his meate was most of a Goose to which he had so much sawce , that it would haue serued for many dishes : but , for that his talke , was to little purpose , and he himselfe but a picture of Idlenesse , I leaue him among his fellowe partners , and will tell you onwards of the next two , for the Table was fully furnished . The next to him was a woman , I cannot wel say much more of her ; for her beautie was worne out ; her bodie was able to carrie her limbes , her handes had fingers , and shee wanted not a tongue , whiche was the member she now made most vse of ; for shée woulde so praise my Lady , so sooth vppe my coosen , so magnifie my Lorde , and be so pleasing to euerie person , that hauing lost much in her youth by plain-dealing , she thought now to recouer it by plaine knauerie : but meeting with such wittes as met with her wiles , finding no place of worth , fitting her vnworthie company , for lacke of better meanes to liue , betooke her self to be a gossip among fooles , where according to her qualitie , she was serued with tongues onlie for her diet : which tempred to so manye Tunes , and turning to so manie matters , that it troubled my eares with the hearing of them , I will leaue her to her tittle tattle , and tell you a little of the laste , who was in shape a man , and not a man , I knowe not what to saie of suche a man , for he had the eyes of a Calfe , the bearde of a Goate , the head of a Water-spaniell , ( meaning the haire , ) the Eare of an Asse , the necke of a Bull , the Nose of a bottle ( or a Bottle Nose ) and the lippe of an Horse , the countenaunce of a Dogge , and the voice of a Hogge , which being fedde vppe for Larde , was a huge péece of Fatte , as for good and firme fleshe hee hadde but a little . Now , this vgly creature , who was scarce able to go from his bed to the boord , must there sit in a chaire made of downe quilt , with a pillow at his backe , and a cushion at his féet , féeding vpon swéete Gelly , and laughing at a bawdy tale . Nowe imagining by the Poets fiction , he should be GOD , or rather , Deuill Bacchus , loth to haue to do with such loathsome creatures , I left the company as they sat , and came into the next roome : where , being brought in by my guide , ( the poore man , that was in miserable taking with a woman , I will not say his wife : ) there he tooke me by the hand , and setting downe by me , willed me to be silent , and onely giue eare to the discourses that I should héere betwixt two fooles , that in losse of time , should lay open their imperfections : and what I noted worth the laughiug at ; to smile , and say nothing : so , after a few friendly instructions for obseruations in that place , he sets behind a cloth , yet not so close , but thorough a light sufficient to looke on Folly , I might sée two goodly personages comming in , hande in hande , who hauing past some complementes of common curtesie , sitting both downe togither , fell into some kinde spéeches : and hadde not she bene painted , Venus hadde beene but a Blowse : and had not he béene pranckt vp , he had bene the shape of a handsome man. But as they were like the Idols of Idlenes , let them passe , with their imperfections , and let me tell you a little of their tattle : he , as it fell out for his turne , beganne thus to goe aboute her : by this faire heauen : ( O Lord thought I , thou art I feare neerer hell but on , Did you know swéet Lady , could you guesse , or woulde you conetiue , the true , and faithfull , and vnfained , harty , inwarde , constante , and resolute and vnmoueable loue , ( alasse thought I , what 's héere to doe , the mans wittes are out of breath , to spend so many words about nothing , but let me goe on ) the loue that I beare you , and onely you , and none but you , the Sunne of my daie , the light of mine eies , the any of my hart , and honour of my minde : ( yet againe quoth I to my selfe , what ayles this poore man , is he saying a lesson to his mistresse ? But a little further . ) Then you could not be so hard harted , so cruell minded , nor so vninercifully disposed , to grieue , to torment to her and to disquiet , this poore afflicted , woefull , sorrowefull , and lamentable heart of mine . When , with a sigh he paused , and saide no more for the first part . Much adoe I had to forbeare laughing , but I was glad , when he had done : expecting some woorthy aunswere from her , who , putting vp her loose hatre with her hande , remouing a pretty worme from his place , with a siluer Bodkinne , shaking the heade , with a straunge wincke , setting a face fit for her spéech , begun thus her reply . Oh sir , your words , nor your wittes , nor your wiles , nor your wittes , nor your oths , ( what 's the matter now thought I ? But on ) shall not deceiue nor blind , nor ouercome , nor go beyond me , so farre , but , I know , and perceiue , and vnderstande , what you mean , and purpose , & intend , we I enough : ( Lord helpe me , thought I , héer 's strange Eloquence : but let me goe further ) but , I hope I will not be a seruant , where I may commaund , be bound , where I am at libertie , and be betrayed in my most trust . ( But then to heare the poore man , how he played the foole , t is pirty that euer it should be spoken : but for the stories sake , let it passe . ) Mistris ( quoth he ) héere is my brest , cut out my hart , sée my thoughts : héere is my purse , take my gold : my whole state is at your seruice . ( At these words my heart began to tremble , for nowe the poore man is vndone , for shee will make him a begger , and then will he be a stark foole , but to go on , she tooke his purse and his Iewels , and kissed his brest , and said ) nay wéepe not , for I did but try your truth , there shall be no loue lost , and therefore , I pray you onely , be not Iealous of my lookes to any other , for you onely shall haue my loue : and therwithall giuing him a Iudas kisse , she whippes a bracelet of Pearle off from his Arme , with these words , this shall be your pawne , that I will weare for your sake till to morrow : for euer mistris ( quoth he ) and all that I haue at your seruice ; and I prate you mistris , grace me with your voice , to a dittie that I haue mede to the tune of , Lady , Lady , my faire Lady : A vengeance on the foole thought I , it freakes me to heare him play the Asse : but when I heard him fumble the strings of a Bandore , as if it had bene the Backe side of a battle-doore , and her straine ●ut a throate like a Pigge , running to a swill tubbe : I thought if the deuill had daunced , there had béene a Morris for Hell : but , let them be , on the suddaine they went away ; and in comes another couple ; A man after the countrey manner , and a woman after the our towne fashion : he , no more witte , nor shee , more vnderstanding , then was fit for the plough and the milke paile : And yet , these two ( contrarie to all Rules of reason howe it shoulde fall out : fell , as it should séeme , in loue , for , after they had sat downe a while , and he had blow●d his nose , and she had wipte her mouth , it came so about , that sitting togither , he fell to her with these words : Ienny , you knowe I am a man , as other are , and my name is Ienkin , so was my father afore me : and , though I haue not béene brought vp at schoole , to write and read , yet , ( I thank God , ) I vnderstand English. Now , I am not one of these fine toung`d fellows , that will forsweare themselues for a fit of knauerie : I meane truely and honestly , and so I hope , doe you , or else , I would you were hang`d for me , and all that meane otherwise , for I do not , beléeue me , and you will , I will saie and holde , I doe not loue to make euery man priuie to my secretes , t were but folly : you knowe I loue you , and more then our selues , no man knowes any thinge of my minde , but your cosenne Hobblin , by whome I sent you the last Sunday , a paire of Gloues , cutte out of the best of the Shéepes skinnes , they cost me thrée-pence , that they did , and I hope , that it shall not be the last loue-token , that I will sende , and you will take , for , I haue somewhat a bréeding for you , and therefore , since you knowe , your Father haue lefte you the pied Heyfare , and your mother haue giuen you the Cosset Lambe , my Gray Mare and the Colte , that I had left me by my Granam , and the croppe of Rie , that I haue in common field , I hope ( if you meane truth and honestye ) will doe well to beginne the worlde withall : how say you ? shall we clappe handes , and make a bargaine ? Soft , ( quoth she ) stay a little , and let me goe with you a little , either trust me , or not trust me : I am either a Woman , or a Beast , and therfore neuer make such a do about nothing , it was a simple napkinne , wrought with couentry blew , wrought with hand in hand and hart betwéene that I sent you , by your Sister Parnell , I will not say what I paide for the working of it , besides a pot of Béere , and two Cakes , but , let it go , I will get it vp againe : you saide you loue me , and I loue you , and I loue you , and you shall finde it , but , I tell you , there is day enough to night : soft fire makes swéet malt : I pray you be not angrie : for , indéed , I am falne out with mine Aunt , and I know your mother is not wiling to the match : but , all is one : I am thine my boy , and I haue saine it , and I will neuer goe from it : thou didst winne me at the May-pole , when that I carried away the Garlande , and nowe , therefore Ienny is thine Ienkin . Be merry and take no thought , for , I am for thée at an howers warninge , in the waye of honesty , when thou wilt , and therefore , since you are so earnest on the matter , aske the Banes , when you will , bid your friends , and I will bid mine , and wee will haue a merry Bridall day , let the world wagge after as it will. so , with a little controuersie , the simple people were soone agréed : he so besmouched her , & she so beclapped him , and there tumbling together , as merrie as they coulde wish , I sighed to thinke , what a supper they would haue after break-fast : for when the meat was spent , they might learn to fast for a supper . Alas pore fooles , but they are simply foolish , and coulde not doe withall : for loue had catcht them , and they were in for a bird : and therefore god helpe the poore , for they were in a pittifull taking , but let them goe : when they were risen and parted , came in thrée men , a Poet , a Musition , and a Painter : but when I sawe them in their fits , oh what an humor did I fall into ? I knew not what to thinke . For the Poet studied so long vpon a verse , that forgetting his matter , fell flat out with his wits , and made such a rime , as being not woorth the reading , t were verie idle for me to write it . The Musition , hee kept such a stir with looking vp into the skie , for a note aboue Ela , that being of a suden , so out 〈◊〉 square with his humor , that he was not wholy him selfe , he plaid such a song of the thrée merry men , that had the dittie béene in a strange language , I shoulde haue béene puzled in the Musicke : but leauing him in his Crotchets , let me tel you a litle of the Painter , who kissed his picture , hugd it in his armes , and grewe so far in loue with his owne workmanship , as in the erfremitie of passion , made him crie out , oh that thou couldst speake to me : but in this humour , these thrée hauing stated a while , went their way , like seruants to Lady Folly , to sée what buisinesse shee had for them . But no sooner were they gon then came in thrée other : a lame Soldier , a poore Trauailer , and an vpstart Courtier : where euerie one hauing spoken his minde , in the manner of a play they departed . The Soldier , he beat his boy for lack of attendance , when he had plaied away his allowance at Primero . The Trauailer he talked so of straunge matters , that for lacke of money , hee was glad to fast for his dinner . The Courtier he was so fine in his complemēts , that his obligation grew scarce currant for his clothes . Alas thought I , surely ; only Folly hath made these men poore , and now pouertie hath made them fooles : but , in pittie let me speake it , they were proper men , and so let them passe . Now , no sooner were they gone , but came in thrée other : a séely Lawyer , a simple Usurer , and an honest Broker . The Lawyer ( as it shoulde séeme ) had too much care of conscience , for his worldly cōmoditie ; who weying the weight of euery cause , and the estate of euerie client , was more gratious , then polliticke : and so like an honest poore man , better studied in the lawe of God , then profiting by the law of man ; more fit for praier , then for pleading , sat reading of a case betwixte the vertue of necessity , and the pride of superfluitie : where Lazarus out of heauen shewed the blessing of patience ; and Diues out of Hel shewed the reward of vncharitablenes . But let him there sit shaking the heade at Usurie : and let me tell you a litle of the behauiour of that Monster : who hauing béene , ( for the most parte of his life , ) fed with the offall flesh , the pairings of chéese , and the droppings of tappes , wringing out the toyle of the labourer , the harde market of the tradesman , the prodigalitie of the rich , and the miserie of the poore . Those heapes of goulde , that had shutte vp his heart in his purse , sate in the chaire of iniquity , tortured with the gowte , nummed with the palsie , cramped with the collicke , and torrmented in the soule with the woorme of conscience : cryeing by fittes ( as he had any case ) oh the hell of a wounded conscience : widdowes rise out of your graues , take your leases of your houses , and pray for some ease of my passion : children of vnhappie parents , receiue the gaine of vnlawefull interest , take your portions , too long kept from you : onely pray for my comforte , that I bee not vtterly confounded ; miserable men , come out of your prisons , I forgiue you your debts , and wil restore you your due . Oh the ertreame reward of extremitie , where lawe is without loue , andcouetousnes without conscience ; oh the teares of the widdow , the cries of the orphane , the miserie of the poore , and the lamentation of the destressed : I sée them , I heare them , I féele them : Oh I knowe not what to doe , nor where to rest for them ; they rise vp to heauen , and weigh mee downe to hell . Oh , what auaileth all the worlde to him , that looseth his owne soule : but farewell world , I defie thée ; wealth , I hate thée Auarice I detest thée , Charitie I imbrace thée , Pittie I loue thée , Necessitie I relieue thée , Oppression I abhorre thée , Mercie I adore thée , Hell I haue not to doe with thée , Heauen I come to thée . So distributing to the poore , and comforting the miserable , disposing of his worldly goods , to the good of the distressed christian , bequeathing to the lawyer for his care of conscience , an annuitie , to kéepe him from vncharitable fées : and the Broker a reasonable portion , to make him leaue his griping kinde of trade or profession : rising from his seat of torment , fell sodainly on his knées to praier , where his paines mitigated , and his praiers ended , he became a new creature : chusing rather to die a poore christian , then to liue a rich Iew. A strang sight , but worth the looking on : but there let me leaue him , in a good exercise , and tel yon what followed of the Broker : that poore man féeing the lawyer , and the vsurer , both gone from the world , and himselfe left in a pittifull taking to tarrie in it , followes his good maisters before him : deliuers vp his pawnes and his bonds , vpon such reasonable consideration , that within a while he grew out of cre dit with the money-maisters , and so giuing ouer his shop , and contented with a meane pittance , liued like a good foole , with his good masters : but since the folly before men , is wisdome before God , I hold such fools in better estate , then greater knaues in more reckoning : but when these men had a while talked of the comfort of their concertion , I scarce turned my head aside , but they were gone . When presently came in an olde fellowe with a penne in his eare , and a booke in his hande : who sitting downe in a seate , ( like a Sumner in a Church portch , or an A B C schoolemasster ) laid downe a great booke before him , where hee read certaine names , but his voice being somewhat law , I could not heare him , but his words ( I take it were after this manner . William , ( I know not what more ) of ( I know not whence ) Gentleman , for selling of his Lande , and putting of it into money , and spendinge of it in the Warres , and comming home a begger : entertained for the shaddow of witte , the fourth of Aprill , in the yéere of Imperfection , shew your selfe in your place : wherewith commeth foorth a strange creature , with a bush on his head , and a forrest on his face , a frowning brow , and a léering , Eye , who sitting downe on a Beanch , answeared , Zounds , héere I am , a pox of all Fooles , what wouldst thou ? Well ( quoth the old man ) enough , Impatience is one badge of Folly : stay a while . Then he reads Thomas , but no more , of et cetera , that had a good stocke of money , and loste it in play , entertained for the losse of time , come foorthe : when presently appeared , a poore man , ill clad , leane faced , and heauy Eied , biting his fingers , and cursing the Rascall dice , and rayling vpon Fortune : Oh God , ( sayes the olde man ) Fortune is the trust of Folly , an other of my Ladies Badges , well , sit you downe . Then beginnes he againe : Parnell , of such a place , widdowe , well left by a kind and carefull husbande , and forgetting his loue , and your owne good , bestowed all , and lost all , vpon a Ruffling royster ; entertained for the picture of wilfulnesse ; where are you ? When out commeth a creature like a woman , but hanging the head , and wringing the hands , and wiping the Eyes , and with a deepe sigh , saying Had I wist this would haue falne out : Oh , ( well said the old man ) Had I wist , another of my Ladies fauours , sit of the tother towne , Daughter to Goodmanne Braye-goose , that being brought to good huswife ry , and for a fidlinge humour , will runne from your friendes , and learne a Base occupation , shewe the fruit of your frauatle ; when commes me foorth a iolly browne Wench , with a face a foote long , a mouth , a yarde wide , a legge , like a mill-post : and a foote , of a Giantes last , and with a belly so full , as threatned two Twinnes at the least : who holding hir hande on her face , saide : Idlenesse , Idlenes , it was my vtter ouer throw . True , ( saies hee ) it is enough : Idlenes another of my Ladies badges : Idlenes brings man tonnes , and shame followeth Wickednesse , the Trulles Trenchiuall : well , take yourplace and sit downe . Which done , he reades , goodman Rableyes of hollow Groue , and Hobby Noble , of Lowe Crosse , hauing spente the profite of your yarde lands , vppou triall of the right in a hey-cocke , where be you . When out commes twoe countrey people , one with hob-nailde shoes , and the other with a patcht Ierkin , and swore , as long as they were woorth a groat , they woulde try the right of the law , I care not I , so I haue my wil , both standing vpon one point : well ( quoth he ) Will , it is enough ; a Badge of my mistresses , that briedes nothing but woe : makes the Lawyers rich , and your selues poore : good Fooles ; sit you downe . Which done , out comes a Gallant , richly apparrelled , but meanely moneyed , who hadde written on his backe , In the midst of my stare . When the olde man writ , Pride will haue a fall : a Lordshippe on his backe , a huge weight , hee must néeds sinke vnder it . After him followes a fine Minion , that made tweny faces , and thirty graces , and had so many merry trickes that she made all the companie laugh : when tripping on the Toe , and counterfitting a kinde of lispe , for lacke of sound teethe , she thus made vse of her tongue . Oh heauens what a worlde is this ? Nothinge but money ? Why , is all handsomnes out of fashion ? is beauty at so lowe a price ? a dainesye Wench , not woorth the whissting ? is all Grasse become hey ? Can a dry Summer make suche a dearth , that there is no money to be hadde for mowers ? Now tie vpon gréene Plununes , in troth they make my stomacke wamble : good Lord , I haue so sweat , with making me ready , that if it were not for wearines , I would not haue rose before noone : But I haue met with my breakefast : and therefore I may stay my stomacke to dinner : oh the French fail , and the Spanish stitch the Italian bodies , and the Persian skarfe , I hope I will be furnisht to the proofe . And yet , to say troth , I am so fantasticke , that I shall be weary of them al , within a while : Heigh-ho : well said Sister , ( sayes the old man ) fantasticke : another badge of my Ladies ; sit you downe ; which done , came in diuers couples togither , an olde blinde man , and lusty a young wench , and born before them vp in a shielde : A Cornucopia : vnder with was written , Plenty . Next after them an old lame woman , and a nimble young man : and before them borne , a Scorpion . Ouer which , was written , Poyson . Then followed a young man , and a young woman , both poore in purse , but in good state of body : and before them borne Gemini , and ouer them written , Loue. Then followed a Riche Cuckolde , and a poore Whore , and borne them Aries : and written Patience . Many other pretty Figures there were expressing the meaning of these Maskers , which , for lack of a note booke , are suddainlie slipt out of my memorie . But , when this Maske had once gone aboute the Roome , comes out a Foole in a pied coat , and tels them , they must make an ende quickly , and take their places , for the Lady was comming , to see an Enterlude , and presētly a noise of shames , with an outery of knaues , came out , with such a Shoute , that , ( while I looke for some fine matter ) wakt me suddenly out of my sleepe . So that I neuer heard more of any of them , but was euer man so troubled in his sléepe ? wel I was exceedinge glad when I was awake , I was so vvell and safely deliuered out of this Pur gatory . Why , there cannot be such a thing : and therfore as a dreame , let it passe : and so , hoping that if you note well this dreame , it will doe you no hurte , when you are awake , hoping you will heare with Sléepers , if any thing be not as it shoulde be : in some hast about other businesse , I bid you heartily farewel . FINIS .