A description of time applied to this present time. With times merry orders to be observed. Saltonstall, Wye, fl. 1630-1640. 1638 Approx. 20 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 11 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-09 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A11386 STC 21643 ESTC S102979 99838738 99838738 3126 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A11386) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 3126) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 1153:07) A description of time applied to this present time. With times merry orders to be observed. Saltonstall, Wye, fl. 1630-1640. [22] p. Printed by I. O[kes] for Francis Grave, and are to be sold at his shop on Snow Hill, neare the Sarazens head, London : 1638. By Wye Saltonstall. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: A B³. Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Satire, English -- Early works to 1800. 2003-05 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-06 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-07 Jennifer Kietzman Sampled and proofread 2003-07 Jennifer Kietzman Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-08 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A Description of Time : Applied 〈◊〉 this present Time. With Times merry Orders to be observed . Men doe blame Time , while they their Time do spend Vnto no purpose , or to a bad end . LONDON : Printed by I. O. for Francis Gr●ve , and are to be sold at his Shop on Snow Hill , neare the Sarazens head . 1638. THE DESCRIPTION of Time : Applyed to this present Time. WHereas Time hath seene much vanity , which is all laid upon Times old Shoulders , and wheras Times ears have beene tyr'd with Tales of Cocks and buls , lying , swearing , and complementing , scoffes , and jeeres , while one cryes , O Times ! O Manners ! another saies , What Times are these ? another sings no other song but , Here 's an Age would make a man mad : Time therefore to cleere himselfe , and to shew that the World is deceived in laying the blame of all matters upon Times backe , hath here set downe his abuses , and certaine merry orders to be observed , that so the World may not grudge at the present Time , nor Time bee offended with the vice and vanity of the World , but both live merrily , according to these orders following . O Mortalls ! why doe you complaine of Time ? Read here my griefe and wrongs in every line . You oftentimes doe wish that I would stay , When you are at the Ale-house , or at play : But never thinke that Time with his sharpe Sithe , Mowes downe by houres and daies your mortal life . And when you commit any wickednesse , And thereby bring your selves to great distresse , Then with poore Time you presently are mad , And thinke me evill because you are bad . What should Time doe , if he should strive to please All those who are sicke of a mad disease ? And are so discontented with old Time , Who quietly doth runne through every Signe . For if that he would get the Land-lords praise , Then he must turne himselfe to Quarter-dayes : Or if the Tennants curses he would shunne , Then he must make the Quarter slowly come : If he would please the Virgin , he must bring A Suiter to her in her youthfull Spring : If he would please the Old man , he must stay His Houre-glasse , and his houre of Death delay : Or if he would the Cittizens love earne , Then he must adde to the yeare a fifth Terme . One sayes that Time is now growne very hard , And that his gates against the poore are barr'd : Another sayes , it is a wanton Time , When men are onely guilty of that crime . For Time is much asham'd by Day and Night , To see such sights as doe him much affright , And make his old gray Fore-lock stand on end , To see how some doe prodigally spend Their precious houres in drinking and in swearing , Making a shew , and to the world appearing Brave Gallants , who are onely outward shapes Of Gentlemen , or rather but their Apes . For they esteeme that Vertue cannot be The formall cause of true Gentility , Or that poore undiscerned Vertue can Give onely being to a Gentleman . But let them passe ; they that doe thus abuse Poore Time , shall want Time , which they scorne to use . And in a word , most men their Time doe spend Unto no purpose , or to a bad end . Times Orders to be observed . FIrst , let no Woman presume to paint her face , that hath beautie enough of her owne ; for though she have colour for her chéeke , yet shée shall have none for her immodesty ; then Times chéeke will looke fresh and lively . Let Taylers never cosen Gentlem●n in their Sutes by the Custome of London nor take up more than will serve , conspiring with the Mercer to gull the Gentry : Let them never make any l●●se bodied gownes for Women , so that they can never hold their owne . Let them never sowe any garments in such hasty manner , that y e seames are presently all unript , let them never put in bad linings into any Sute , and kéepe the other for themselves . And lastly , let them never with long Bills assault and set upon Gentlemen : these Orders being observed , the hands of Time will not be guiltie of so much théeving and stealing . Let Hosts & Hostesses , & all Uictuallers give nor afford any more drinke , either Wine , or Béere , or Ale , than wil moderately suffice their guests : let them not like briars and bushes , hang about their armes , and make them stay when they would bée gone , or are indeede gone already . Let them remember to fill their Pots , and suffer no Drunkard to spend that in one houre or Day , which should maintaine him , and ( perhaps ) his Wife and Children all the Weeke . These Orders being observed , Hosts and Hostesses shall live honestly , Tradesmen shall live thriftily , and Time shall be counted no Drunkard . Also it is ordered by Time , that hee that spends money before hee hath it , shall bee counted a forward fellow , and a cunning man ; but because women are like this yeere to have tender eyes , therefore they shall have mourning Gownes made with great sleeves , that they may mourne for their Husbands decease in their Gownes , and laugh in their sleeves . Moreover , it is ordained , that if any men have a red Nose betweene this and Iuly , they shall forfeit all the shooes in their shops ; but if his wife be a scold , then the case is alter'd , for he may goe to the Ale-house by the priviledge of bad Husbands . Also if any one drinke more than will doe him good , it is ordayned by Time , that 〈◊〉 morning his head shall be cut off , and set up for the Signe of the Foxe and Goose. for by this meanes the Drunkards in these Times will be fewer . Besides , it is decreed and ordained , that if Husbands and their Wives fall out about cutting of a legge of Mutton , before they have eate the Porridge , that then the Gray Mare is the better Horse : but yet to the terrour of all scolding tongues , all scold● shall be forced to eate hot Porridge , til they coole the fury of their tongues ; and when they will not be rul'd by reason , some wives shall be duckt upon a Feather-bed , and made quiet thereby , and so the eares of Time shall not be disquieted with the noise of scolding in the streets . Furthermore , it is ordained , that Oyster , wives , and the other cryers of commodities , shall get an Art to cry softly ; & that men shall never talke any thing of their Neighbour , but that which is good ; and that scraping of ●renchers , and the babling of fooles shall he silenc'd : Also Sextons shall invent a new way to ring Bell● without making any noise : Smiths 〈◊〉 viles shall be lin'd with Cushions , Roarer●● shall grow hoarse for want of money ▪ Scolds ( as I said ) shall grow tongue ty'd , Carts and Coach-wheeles shall bee lin'd with Bombast , & order shall be taken with Water-men ▪ that they shall not make such a bawling ; Prentices in a Terme-time shall not dare to cry , What lacke you ? but shall fall asléepe upon their Shop-bookes , and generally , all noises shall be put downe , and silenc'd , whereby the eares of Time are offended : as most especially , all drunkes quarrelling and prating in Ale-houses , and singing of Catches when they be more than halfe asléepe : Also Coopers shall h●●pe the●● Tubs and Uessels in Cellers , and not in y e Stréets , and all other violent sounds and noises , as barking of Currs , winding up of Iacks , squeaking of Cats , the humming noises of Muskets , withall the Thunders in the lower Regement of the belly , and the bay●ing of the Beares , are all forbidden , as troublesome and offensive to Times eares . Also , because Times eyes are growne old and sender , therefore it shall be ordained , that none shall have more money than wit , for that is offensive to Time ; neither shall any weare new brade cloaths that are not paid for nor presume to iustle the wall when he is drunke , nor to réele afterward into the kennell . Also for a Woman to breake her Husbands Coxcombe with Ladle , shall be a fight-very displeasing to Time : also the strange Fashions which are every day invented , shall bee quite forgotten , and young men shall not strive to have Beards before their Time , nor shall Dogges presume to run away with shoulders of Mutton out of Rich mens houses : Fooles shal not ride upon wise mens backs , nor make Asses of them ; Serving-men shall not weare Cloakes for their knavery , young Wenches shall not looke gréene at Fiftéene for want of Husbands : all Tobacco-pipes shall bee broken , and Joane Slattergood shall buy new Stockins , for Time is much distasted to sée her hose broken above the shooe : also all courting of Maids in the darke , with whispering them in the eare , and other silent temptations shall bee quite abolished : Bread shall béee made of a iust size and quantity , although the Baker bee not taught to see to make it weight , by looking through a wooden window ▪ And to conclude , Owles shall flye in the Night , Measures shall bee made right and iust , Red Noses shal grow pale , bald crownes be cover'd with Perriwigs , Wenches shall never walke in their dreames stark naked fooles shal not feere for want of Wit , Beggers shall not ride while wise men goe on foote : Chandelers shal not cut small penny-worths of Chéese , Coblers shal not dare to play the Cookes , and licke their thumbs ; Meate shal not be roasted without a fire , and Chambers shal never bee kept cleane without swéeping and washing , for these sights are displeasing to Time. Moreover , because Time is out of T●st● , and distastes many things , therefore hée hath ordayn'd , that poore men and prisoners shal never make great sumptuous Feasts ▪ and also , men shal not pay more for their sawes than for their meate , which hath bin an old custome time out of minde . Besides , it is ordain'd , that Mustard and Hartichoaks , or clowted Creame and Uineger shal never be served up together ; also a Table without meat shal be counted no Dinner , & it shal be lawful to rise frō thence without giving thankes ; also for any man to choake himselfe with drinking good ●ack , shal bee very distastefull to the Pallat of Time : and besides , Time allowes none to eate good cheere , but such as have money to buy it . No Tarts shal be made of Iéeres and scoffes , nor such as have Rheumaticke Noses , shal make no Puddings ; nor shal any fat wench make Butter in Summer : besides , Carpes , and Pouts , and Railes , with Crabs for an after course , shal not bee served up at any marryed mans Table , notshal an old shooe-soale , though it be mine'd , and butterd , and drest after the French fashion , ever make any good meats : And also Time hath thought good , that butterd Ling without Egges , shal not bee so good meate as with Egges ; nor a Calves h●●d without Bacon , as good as with Bacon ; also there shal be very little savour in y e white of an egge , nor in any thing else without Salt , for that wil savour all things except ill words , or the folly of a Foole. Besides , no man shal presume to taste very hot broth for feare he burne his mouth ; nor to eate a dozen of new Cakes without drinke , for feare he choake himselfe . And in generall , all working dayes and fasting dayes , furm●ty that is burnt to , conserves of roast Beefe , all sawcinesse in Boyes , all Uineger virtuous admonitions , and Wormewood words , and more especially swallowing downe knavery , without troubling the stomacke of Conscience , is distasteful● to Times taste . And moreover , Foot-men shall be compell'd to change their Socks twice a day , or else not to come in their Ladies presence . Besides , Fish-wives shall not 〈◊〉 new Fish , when it is ready to stink● ▪ for that is abhominable in the nose of Time. And moreover , it shall be accounted better to have a sweete breath , than to weare sweete powders and Muske about them . Also the smell of Mace shall be very dangerous , especially about the Counter , and the smell of a great Feast shall never fill a mans belly . It is ordayned also , that the smell of Sir Ajax breath against rainy weather , and the sent of More-ditch in Summer , shall be very distastefull to Times Nose : all h●st is words also shall make Time take Pepper in the nose , and therefore hot stomacks shal eate great store of Sage to coole their fury . Also knavery , hidden under shewes of honesty , if discerned ; shall smell ranke , and be very distastefull to Times nose ; and also complements being perfum'd & sweeten'd with dissimulation , shall be soone disliked . Moreover , Water that is pure and cleere , shall be thought to have no smell ; but good Sacke shall make Times nose looke Sun-burnt . Also the smell of Money shall bee counted very savoury , according to the old Proverb , Bonus lucri odor ex re qualibet : The smell of gaine is sweete , though from a Iakes . Lastly , the smell of y e snuffe of a Candle , the burning of Woollen in the fire , a Chamber-pot full of stale Urine the cunning of Hostesses , the knavery of Hostlers , and generally , all false dealing and corruption shal be very distasteful to Times nose . Also , because Time is old , and starke bald behinde , therefore it shall be no offence for such as have had wits , to bring forth bald conceits : and because Time is old , ( as I said ) in his last declining Age , therefore it shal be lawfull for old men to dye in good age , and while they live , to bee honour'd before young Gallants , by the priviledge of Time and Seniority . Moreover , because Times wit and iudgment cannot chuse but be very crazie , after so many yeeres griefe and trouble , therefore it is ordain'd , that Wit shal runne a wooll-gathering , to make a Night-cap for him ; and that hee shal never bee made any Officer or Watchman . And besides , Time hath ordain'd , that hée that can kéepe his fingers out of the fire , shall be counted a wise Man , and shee that can rea●● egges wel , a cunning woman ; but if any Asse presume to put on a Gowne , hee shall bee apprehended for a counterfeit Philosopher . It is ordained also , that Fooles shall aggree very well together ; and hee that can tell an hundred pound of his owne Money , shall bee counted a skilfuller Man than he that can cast up great summes in figures . And to conclude , to see Geese cackle , and talke Greeke , to heare Asses make Orations in strange Languages , to heare Cuckowes sing severall Tunes , to see Young men have more money than manners , to see Rootes worne for Night-Cappes , and Hats for Shooes , and to tell a Tale to a Mare , shall bee all displeasing to Times wit. Also , to heare a Morrice Da●ce commended for an excellent Maske , or Crabs for very good Pippins , or that the Powder of a Post , is better than Suger to sweeten Wine : These are all distastefull to Times Iudgement . Therefore it is ordained , that money shall be preferred before desert , by the principall Iudgements , and that a Calves head and Bacon shal be esteemd a better Dish of meate , than Ling without Oyle and Mustard ; a foule stable shall bee iudged better for a tyred horse than a faire way : but betwéen Knavery , Dishonesty , and Basenesse , there shall bee little difference in Times Iudgement . And moreover , because Time is generally hated and every one desires his Roome rather than his Company : Therefore it is ordained , that Young fellowes that spend their time wastefully , shall bee very Asses in their Age ; and that Powderd Beefe shall bee sometimes not mollified , or softned by ten of Clocke , because they let time passe away unregarded . Also old Maides shall despaire of Husbands , and all because they let Time passe away unregarded ; and so shall such as frequent Alehouses be adiudged to goe in old cloathes , because they did not make use of , nor respect Time. And because Time hath beene much abused by Drinking , therefore it is ordained , that some shall be carried to the Counter before they have Time to pay their Debts , or compound with their Hostesse ; and besides , hee that takes up commodities upon Times backe , shall be found to pay for them over Times Shoulders . Also it is ordained ▪ that men shal waste upon Time and Tide , and Puddings and Pyes shall be dough back'd , if they bee not set in the Oven in Time. And likewise Time doth ordaine , that he which sleepeth till tenne of Clocke , that hee will bee so offended with him , that hee shall never rise early in a Morning : And whereas Time did use to make young Wenches ripe and ready for Husbands at fifteen yeares of age , now they shall stay till twenty five , if they have not Portions : Moreover , tho●e that shell Pease in Summer , and can doe nothing else , may fréely play thrée quarters of the Yéere ; and such as dresse themselves onely against Dinner-time , shal bee counted no early rising Huswives ; and Béere shal grow ripe with Time , but Ale shal be transform'd into Uineger . Moreover , it is the pleasure of Time , that all Bils and Bonds bearing no Date , shal bee payd in the yéere One Thousand sixe Hundred and never . And because Young men should bee warie and thrifty , ( as it becommeth them so to bee ) therefore such as wast their Time , in following vaine and idle pleasures , are ordayned to Beggers , by a Statute that was made in the Yéere One thousand foure hundred and seven . And also to prevent all inconveniences arising by the neglect of Time. it is ordayned , that Prodigals shal have more wit than money , and that the stealing of a nappe upon an Ale-bench , shal bee counted a Fellony against Time ; and that Feather , beds shal bee made hard , being stuft with Cotten of Care , that men may turne twenty times before they can sleepe , or take any rest : And also Tobacco , a great waster of Time , shal bee made to smoake wheresoever hee is found : Ringing also of Bells shal not be held so necessary as ringing of Cloaths , and such like . And lastly , Time ordaines , that Drinking untill Midnight , sleeping untill Noone , dressing untill Dinner-time , Starching on Sundayes , working on Holy dayes , tedious trimmings at the Barbers , following costly Su●tes in Law , also for young Maydes to lye a Bed and spoyle their beauty or complexion , and long at Dinner , and sleeping by the Fire-side in the Winter-time , also all extreame laughing and quaffing , with many other kindes of ill living , shall bee distastefull to Time. To give you Counsell thus , Time thinkes — it best , And teach you truth , although it bee in jest : For hee that will not counsell take from Time , That hee will ner●e bee wise it is a Signe . FINIS .