the discouery of a new world or a description of the south indies hetherto vnknowne by an english mercury. mundus alter et idem. english hall, joseph, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc . estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : , : ) the discouery of a new world or a description of the south indies hetherto vnknowne by an english mercury. mundus alter et idem. english hall, joseph, - . gentili, alberico, - . healey, john, d. . [ ], p. : ill. imprinted for ed: blount. and w. barrett, [london] : [ or ] english mercury = joseph hall. sometimes attributed to alberico gentili. translator's preface signed: iohn healey. a free translation of: mundus alter et idem. the title page is engraved. publication date conjectured by stc. this state has original [par]. cancelled by ² [par.]⁴ containing a new preface. identified as stc a on umi microfilm reel , and as on reel . reproductions of the originals in the folger shakespeare library and the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. appears at reel (folger shakespeare library copy) and at reel (henry e. huntington library and art gallery copy). created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user 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or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - judith siefring sampled and proofread - judith siefring text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the discovery of a new world or a description of the south indies . hetherto vnknowne by an english mercury imprinted for ed : blount and w. barrett . to the trve mirror of truest honor , william earle of penbroke . if it be an offence ( my noble lord ) to shew our affections vnto those wee honor in any obiect of dutyfullnesse whatsoeuer : then haue i offended , and must kneele for remission . but if loue and gratitude be law dable effects , in what forme soeuer they appeare , then haue not i broken any condition of decorum , in consecrating this worke to your illustrious honour . it bare the badge of an honorable patron in the originall : and i could make it doe no lesse in the translation . and for mine election , the worlds generall decay of the esteeme of learning , in those breasts that haue best meanes to support it , and the farre-spread fame of your glory , by that phoenix-bounty that hath left all the land to build her nest in your bosome , these motiues haue more then induced mee to approache so neere that bright lustre your honour lights the world with , as to beare one part in the hymnes of your prayses , by this dutifull dedication ▪ and ( good my lord ) herein bee ▪ you my seauen-sold shield against the shout of all those blistered mouthes , whose most felicitie is to mis-interprete most maliciouslie : or doe but giue mee foote-holde , and then let mee alone to beate all their disgraces about their owne eares , and the whole worlds , in a true satyrick furie ; in an ariostoes swanne , that shall snatch their names from times all-wasting skirt , and beare them vp , to euer-lasting recorde in the temple of infamie . but for my dutie to your sacred vertues , let this expresse mee : i will bee that bolognian dogge , whose faith purchased him this epi●aph : that hee did alwayes latrai a ladri , & a gli amanti tacqui , &c. barke lowd at theeues , and make them euer faile : but whē friends came , lay down , & wagd his taile . such am i : consecrated to your lordships seruice : and vnder the protection of this mine owne zeale , aduenture to present you with a discouerie and no discouerie , of a world and no world , both knowne and vnknowne , by a traueller that neuer trauelled . written first in latine , and no latine , and now translated , and yet not translated , by the same man , yet not the same man that first of all pend it . your honours most zealously deuoted : i. h. to the readers , instructions for their voiage into this new world . there are diuers inquisitiue sceptiques ( vnpartial reader , for such i would haue thee to be , ) who since this new discouery of the south indies , vpon some ouer-sight of mine owne , in not giuing sufficient intimation of the grounds whence i had the first light of the said discouery , as also of the manner wherein i haue proceeded vpon the said grounds haue out-runne their owne iudgments in descanting farre otherwise of this worke , then a fauourable censure would euer haue held it to deserue , and being either lead with too much zeale to the well deseruing vertues of that reuerend man that long agoe laid the first proiect of this discouery , or with ( it may be a true ) obseruation of some imperfection in mee that now of late haue raised this new building vpon that old foundation : haue taken occasion both to thinke him lesse worthy of their good conceites , and also to proclaime me a iust deseruer of the seuerest and most exemplary censures . which wrong done vnto him ( whome i must euer reuerence ) hath bound mee to make an ingenuous acknowledgement of mine owne forgetfulnesse in the first edition of this present worke , rather then to sit still and see his reputation exposed to the misconstructions to which my negligence is ( & in some iudgements , iustly ) imagined to haue giuen the first and originall cause . but let this protestation be ( if it may be ) sufficient to remooue the weight of siniste imputations from his grauity , and lay them vpon mine owne youthfulnesse , that i dare engage my life , there is no man in the whole world , who hath either conuersed with himselfe in person , or his workes in print , that euer will surmise this present copy to haue had any testimony of his acknowledgement , or approbation to bee any way befitting his place , or ( which is more ) his profession . wherefore to giue a full answere vnto that grosse misprision of theirs , who imagine the worke it selfe to haue beene of his writing and publishing in the forme wherein it now passeth ; whereby they take occasion to taxe him of diuers ( in their iudgement ) immodest , light , scurrilous , and ridiculous passages therein . i doe here absolutely auerre , and giue notice to all that shall hereafter take view hereof , this worke was neuer his , he neuer saw it , neuer dreamed of any such matter , vntill hee met it in the hand of another man. there was indeed a little booke some . or . yeares agoe that came from franckford , which some few ( i know not vpon what illumination more then ordinary ) affirmed to haue passed the file of his muse , which if it be true , it can be no way in the world either preiudiciall to his learning , ( seeing it hath all perfection fitting an absolute poeme ) nor to his grauity or profession , seeing it was a birth of his youth ; wherein neuerthelesse i will a vow that hee hath towred aboue the capacities ( at least aboue the imitation ) of all those ouer-weening iudgements that dare any way presume to traduce his originall . in iust defence of which worthy worke , i cast defiance in the teeth of all that malice or traduce him , that it is neither any way scurrilous , immodest , light , nor ridiculous : and i will giue the proudest critique that liues , as many yeares as hee and his fellowes haue bin fooles , either to parallell it , or to pick any the least touch out of it , which cannot bee defended euen till his wittes that shall oppose , be drawne as dry as euer dutchman left cup. but as touching this present pile of english , it is mine , it hath no further alliāce to his , then chalke hath to cheese , for as these haue no cohaerence in their nearest proprieties ( which translations should neuer want ) but onely in their generall kind of essence as they are both corporeall substances ; no more doth this worke any way resemble his in fashion , stile , or discourse , but onely in the inuention and proiect . as for the passages in it , which some pretend to bee scurrilous or immodest , there may perhaps bee some indeed that carry not that pondrous respect in them which an ancient iudgement , or retired grauity may seeme to require : i grant it , what would yee haue more ? they are flashes of youth : semel insaniuimus omnes ; and i pray yee ( that censure mee so ruthlesly ) which of you all is there , but one time or other in the forenoone of your daies , hath had his vagaries in the world , and hath flowne out sometimes as well as i ? oh but , not inprint , saies some seuerer critique ! alas yet had ouid his amores , seneca his lusus in claudium , and others as graue as hee , their exorbitances now and then as vnguirt as others ! but that these weakenesses ( for so i confesse they are ) in mee , should be made as staines to the reputation of another , of one whose learning , life , and workes now extant may serue as purging fires whereat all those that hence haue taken occasion to wrong him thus , might long agoe haue lighted their ignorance were it neuer so immense ; that my lightnesses should bee reputed as births of his worthines ! oh that my pen ( whereby since i have ignorantly iniur'd him , i doe thus willingly and freely cleare him ) could but make them see what an vniust construction they haue made of an ignorant ( and i protest vtterly vnwilling ) offence ! but since mine owne vnwarinesse gaue first occasion of those vnkinde , and more then foolish callumniations which ignorance draweth from mine error , to staine his goodnesse with ; all the satisfaction i can giue him , is to shew my selfe willing to make a faire way againe for his deserts , in the bosomes of such as hence take their occasiō of dislike , by proclaiming this truth to all that shall read it , that this present discouery of the south-indies is none of his , but had this forme giuen it , without his knowledge , by one who will euer acknowledge his worth & grauity to haue beene vtterly ignorant of any vnfit phrase whatsoeuer included in the whole booke . hee whom my contrition , and this satisfaction ( collaterally ) cannot content , is without mercy , and i assure my selfe will dye without merit , if hee bee not quickly shipt away for this new continent , with letters of commendation to all our friends in cockscombaya . as for you ( gentlemen and frinds ) whose iudgements haue giuen gracious acceptance to this our imaginary world , i will euer endeuor to further your contentments with the best inuentions that the labours of a yong scholler can produce . you , ( right iouiall spirits ) and none but you , are they to whom i consecrate these my trauels , since none but you can discerne the sence which they include . onely in one thing i must intreate your fauorable censures , and that is , in my allusions here and there vnto the names of some cities of fame and respect , both of our owne , and others : assuring you ( as your true examination of the particulars may assure you better ) that i had no intent to intimate any collation or reference of the state or maners of those i describe , vnto theirs to which i allude . let this protestation therefore cleare me from sinister imputations , and you from all vntrue suppositions . and know all you that haue not yet seene these lands , but intend to take a view of thē hereafter , that you must first of al take one of that french doctors pills , despouillez vous de tout affection , and this will enable you fully to endure the alteration of all ayres in this clime . secondly you must neuer trauell single , but two , or three in a company , for one you know may apprehend more then another can , and those before , that haue miscaried in this voiage , as you haue heard , incurred their misfortunes onely by neglecting this direction , and by too much conuersing with those of the foolianders nation . thirdly , you must go ouer the country thrice , ere you shal be able to make any exact platforme of it : once for strabo , once for socrates , and once for merlin cocaius ; the first for the geography , the second for the morality , and the third for the language , and etymology . no more at this time , but aboord when you please and a good gale of wit go along with you . his , that is his . iohn healey . a table of the chapters . the first booke . the discouery of the land of tenter-belly part of the south indies bordering vpon tierra del fuego , and the situation thereof . liber . chapter . eat-allia and drink-allia . chap. . dressem-bourg the first canton of eat-allia . cap. . banquetois the second canton of eat-allia . cap. . pewter-platteria the third canton of eat-allia . cap. the metropolitaine citty of eat-allia and the peoples conditions . cap. . the warres of the eat-allians . cap. . of idle-bergh an imperiall free towne . cap. . the lawes of the land . cap. . their religion . cap. . the election of the great duke . cap. . of starue-ling iland , or hungerland . cap. . drinke-allia the second prouince of tenter-belly and the conditions of the inhabitants . chap. . the shires of their countrie . cap. . the discription of carousi-kanikin the chiefe citty of drink-allia , as also of the fashions and conditions of the drink-alls . cap. . of the knights of the goulden tunne , and of the lawes of the cittie . cap. . the artes , and millitary discipline of the drink-alls . cap. . the funeralls of one of the cheefe quagmyrists , and the sacrifices of bacchus . cap. . of hot-watria or lycor-ardent , and of the pilgrimage to saint borachio . cap. . and last of the first booke . the second booke . the description of shee-landt , or womandecoia and of the situtation thereof . cap. . how the gossipingo-esses vsed the author of this descouery . cap. . their formes of gouernment , and elections of persons of state. cap. . the originall of the shee-landresses . cap. . of gigglot-tangir . cap. . of double-sex i le , otherwise called skrat or hermophrcodite iland . cap. . of srews-bourg . cap. . and last of the second booke . the third booke , or the descouery of fooliana and the situation and populousnesse thereof . chap. . the parts of fooliana and the peoples conditions in general . cap. . of fooliana the fickle . cap. . of the peoples conditions and attires . sect . . of the duke and inhabitants of solitaria the sad . sect . . . . of cholericoy the other dutchie of fooliana the craggy . cap. . fooliana the fond . cap. . of ass-sex . sect . . of the citties of cocks-combria , and ass-sex and of blocks-foord the metropolitane sea . sect . . of the bourgue-maisters of blocks-foord . sect . . of the marquisate of spendal-ezza . sect . . and . of fooliana the fatte . cap. . the quality and condition of the people . sect . . the paradise of fooliana the fatte . sect . . of fooliana the deuout . cap. . sectorioua the second prouince of fooliana the deuout . sect . . the state politique of fooliana , in generall . cap. . and last of the third booke . the fourth booke , or the descouery of thee-uingen and the description thereof . chap. . the conditions of the robbers-walders . cap. . the pirats , and sea-borderers of robbers-walder . cap. . how the author got into this country of the harpies . cap. . of lyers-buy plaines ; the natures of the leger-demanians of free-purlogne , and bags-death . cap. . of lurtch-thrift a country in legerdemaine . cap. . of still-moore . cap. . and last of the forth booke . finis . ❧ the occasion of this trauell , and the pre-instruction for it . mine acquaintance with trauellers of all sorts , is both well knowne to our vniuersitie men , and recorded by the curteous correspondence that haue beene euer held betweene strangers and me : whether this of homer mooued mee to this humour , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 : or were it that mine vnquenched thirst and desire of knowledge , togither with the applausiue carriage i found in these men , were the motiues to these effects , i knowe not . i was already fully acquainted with all the rarities of mine owne nation : and falling into a discourse of the profit of trauell with two aliens of my neare acquaintance ( peter beroaldus , a frenchman , and adrian cornelius droge , a dutchman ) wherein wee had many delightfull passages about comparisons of languages , conditions , and cities ; at last , in troth ( quoth beroaldus ) i know not as yet what trauell meanes , if hee that leaues his natiue soyle to passe but into a neighbour countrie , or ouer a neighbour riuer ( admit it bee the rhine , or the tweed ) deserue this name ( as vulgar opinion seemes to allow ) whereas hee neuer changes eyther skie , ayre , or soyle : i see not ( if this bee true ) any profit or worth in the world , contained in trauell . my parents & friends at montauban , haue written very often for my returne , as though i were farre from them : whereas i ( beleeue mee ) haue imagined my selfe all this whole two yeares at home : for how little a way is it from mount-auban to paris , from paris to callis , from callis to douer ? truely when i thinke of the land , it seemes about an elle : in the mappe a finger-breadth : in the forme of the heauens , iust nothing . nor see i any reason why that france should hee held my natiue soyle more then all europe : for if you stand vpon diuersity of language , how many languages ( i pray yee ) haue yee in europe quite different from the french ? if the conditions of the nations mooue yee , view not europe , but view the whole world , and euery prouince thereof , leaning to the qualities of those that adioyne vpon it , as the polipus turnes into the colour of euery stone shee comes neere ! o beroaldus ( quoth i againe ) but we do enuie at the licence you haue to contemne trauell : wee ( wretches ) that like tortoyses , are bound to our owne houses , whilest you haue taken suruey of all the worlds singularities , and now that you are filled with their knowledge , you set them at nought thus . might i but view the snowie alpes , or the shady pyrenes , oh how much should i thinke my selfe beholding to mine eyes at my resting time , when all that i had seene should turne to my benefit , and store mine vnderstanding with a fresh fraught of knowledge ! ah how much ( quoth beroaldus ) doth absence promise him that would bee present , and how vaine are the hopes that attend on ignorance ! friend , when i was at home , vnexperienced , i thought as you do ; but triall hath now taught me to see mine owne simplicity . a trauell of so small toyle yeelds easie satisfaction : and in this , your expectation shall exceede your experience in all those nouelties . forreine parts are so like ours , that you cannot thinke them strange to yee , though you neuer saw them before . and what is there in all the knowne world , which mapps , and authors cannot instruct a man in , as perfectly as his owne eyes ? your england is described by cambden : what vnderstanding man is there , that cannot , out of him , make as perfect a description of any cittie , riuer , monument , or wonder in all your ile , as well as if hee had viewed it in person himselfe ? what part of europe is there that affoords more to a strangers eye then is related by one pen-man or other ? the seuerall conditions of the people are all described already : as farre as eyther pen or experience can set downe : but neither can giue any vniuersall knowledge . the french are commonly called rash , the spaniard proud , the dutch drunken ; the english the busi-bands ; the italians effeminate ; the swethen timoroas , the bohemians inhumaine ; the irish barbarous and superstitious : but is any man so sottish , as to thinke that france hath no staid man at all in it ; spaine , no meacock ; or germanie none that liues soberly ? they are fooles ( beleeue it ) that will tie mens manners so firme vnto the starres , that they will leaue nothing to a mans owne power , nothing to the parents natures , nothing to nurture and education . view this pernassus here , whereon we liue : suppose here were a colledge of italians , spanish , french , danes , dutch and polacques ? doe you thinke to finde more varietie of dispositions in this company of students , then you may doe amongst your owne english ? turne yee therefore which way yee will , i cannot see how this halfe a foote trauell can benefit vs any waye , excepting that wee may reape some annimation to learning by the sight of such great schollers , as whitaker , raynolds , bellarmine , beza , iunius , lipsius , and such like as those vvere . indeede i holde , that your drake and your candish were trauellers , as also sebastian delcano , the portughesse , because their voyages put girdles about the whole world : nay i will allow chrystopher colono that name also , for his discouerie of the west indies , francesco piccaro , and almagro for peru , hernando magellano for the moluccaes , and sir hugh willoughbye for his northren discoueries : together with all such as eyther haue first found out vnknowne regions , or haue brought them to order . and truly ( i will tell you two plaine ) my minde doth prompt me with some noble enterprise of this kinde , such as the world might gaze at , and all posterity record with admiration . with that hee blusht , and held his peace , as if he had blabd some bold secret . yea beroaldus ( quoth drogius to him ) & dare you not speake it out ? doe you imagine to torture our mindes with setting them on worke vpon doubtfull inquiries , or is your modest secret ( hetherto so closely suppressed ) afraide to aduenture vpon so many eares at once ? nay speake what ere it bee , wee haue cleere browes ( looke you ) open eares , and faithfull hearts : nor can your vnknowne enterprise come to light eyther vvith more securitie , or fitter occasion . well drogius well , ( quoth beroaldus ) you take my silence in no good sence , but mixe it with your coniectures , that though great matters neuer goe but ( like as princes doe with their numerous traines ) with a great preamble of ambiguous tearmes ; yet that i should not doe so , but vent a pondrous conceite , a birth that my braine hath trauelld a yeare with , all naked , without any praemonitions . in truth i resolued at the first to let you know it : marry not with-out some graduall proceedings , and materiall preparations , without which , i know well how fond the vvisest proiect doth commonly seeme : but now i see my selfe chayned to a head-long discouerie mauger my beard , vnlesse i should giue you iust cause to call my loue to you both , in question . wherefore you shall know it : sooner ( i assure you ) then i did intend , but with no lesse willingnesse : onely imagine you , that you haue already heard mine intended premonition . it hath euer offended mee to looke vpon the geographicall mapps , and finde this : terra australis , nondum cognita . the vnknowne southerne continent . what good spirit but would greeue at this ? if they know it for a continent , and for a southerne continent , why then doe they call it vnknowe ? but if it bee vnknowne ; why doe all the geographers describe it after one forme and site ? idle men that they are , that can say , this it is , and yet wee know it not : how long shall wee continue to bee ignorant in that vvhich vvee professe to haue knowledeg of ? certé si nemo vnquam — vv — fragilem truci commisisset pelago ratem if none had euer beeen so bold as to expose the slender barke vnto the oceans teene then vvee might haue had some excuse for our obstinate ( wee may euen as vvell confesse it ) and notorius idlenesse : but seeing all is opened now ; seeing there is not a ship-boy but knows all the vvindes , creekes , shelfes and harbours of the whole world ; slie vpon this slouth of ours , this more then female feare , this vaine carelesnesse , that vvittingly and willingly robbes vs of another world . what colour haue vve for it ? vvhat feare vve ? shadowes , or our selues ? there is heauen , there is earth in that continent , & there is men , perhaps more ciuill then wee are . who euer expected such wit , such gouernment in china ? such arts , such practise of all cunning ? wee thought learning had dwelt in our corner of the world : they laugh at vs for it and well may ▪ auouching that they of al the earth , are twoey'd men , the europians the one eyd , and all the world else , starke blind . but admit there be no men in this climate : it is a shame for a wise man either to feare or complaine of solitarinesse . these thoughts haue fired my brest full often : and whilest others neglect them , haue kindled a bold attempt in mee , beyond the rest . i see the land lye vnknowne ; no man dreames of it ; i will assay to discouer it . your enterprise beroaldus ( quoth i ) is great , and almost more then mortall power can execute . howeuer it succeede , i applaude your generous spirit , as like your owne : but as you said , great matters , as they require many praemonitions , so doe they more premeditations . haue you therefore cast your full account of the dangers , labours , hopes , expences , and all other such accidents as must attend this your attempt ? there is heauen you say : there may bee so , and yet you bee kept from the sight of it by perpetuall darkenesse . there is earth ; but you may bee driuen out of that by beasts and serpents : there are men : but perhaps you had rather want their company , when you know them , then haue it . if one of you patagonian giants should catch your and eate you quite vp , where are you then my fine discouerer ? it is good thinking of those things , but it is dangerous trying . o sir ( saith beroaldus againe ) you know not that the cape of good hope lies ouer against this land . we must hope , and wee must dare . those bug-beares of dangers at fit to fright babies : but they anymate bolder spirits . if we should sticke at them , wee should neuer looke out at our owne dores . that was the cause america lay so long vnknowne , and had done still ( for ought i see ) but that god sent a doue from heauen , which plucking of an oliue branch from this continent , taught vs by that , that there was yet more land , and lesse sea then wee dreamed of : o how sacred shall his name beheld with all posterity ! his statue shal be aduanced , for vs al to gaze vpon , whilst earth keepes her foundation . it is as great a glory ( thinke i ) to bee called the new worlds discouerer , as her conqueror . and why may not wee haue that successe , and the like glory ? i am the more excited to this , by that ancient , and famous prophecy of seneca , which remayneth vnto vs to fulfill . — venient annis secula seris , quando oceanus vnicula rerum laxet , & ingens ●ateat tellus . — when certaine years are spent hereafter ; shall the spumy ocean shew ●is secret store , and ope to mortals view — a larger continent . what can be spoken more plaine , to point out this discouery ? here did drogius replie : what man ? beware how you raise so great a building on so weake a foundation . your doue hath fulfilled your poets coniectures , all of them , alreadie . the summe of yeares is now runne : america is that large continent . dreame you of any other either age , or discouery ? i know the generality of your opinion ( quoth beroaldus ) but i doubt of the truth , for prophecies are alwaies de futuro : and what if i prooue the countrie america to be knowne to former ages ? if i doe , senecaes wordes are no presage , but an intimation of a thing done . now i am fully perswaded that some part of these west indies was that ophir , where salomons and hirams nauy had their gold . for whereas there are fiue seuerall opinionists touching this , viz. . rabanus , maurus and nicholaus de lyra , affirming that ophir was in the east-indies . . volateranus , and ortelius , auoutching it to bee an island in the ethiopian ocean , from an apocryphall relation of one lewis venetus ; . gaspar varerius , who affirmed all that was contayned in pegu , malaca , and sumatra , to be whilom called by this name . . francis vatablus whom colonus also ( as p. martyr saith ) did follow : who said that hispaniola was ophir . . william postelius , goropius becanus , and arias montanus , all which auoutch directly that ophir was this continent in which peru lieth . of these the two last , and likeliest , make for vs , i care not which you take . the first two , varerius hath ouerthrowne , horse & foote : to ad more were too superfluous . sufficeth only that i proue him erroneous , in putting pegu , sumatra & malaca for ophir . and first , holy writ saith plaine , that those two nauies were two years out , in each of their voiages to ophir : but the space of . months , or . at the most , will serue to passe and returne from the red sea to sumatra : how then can this proposition of time agree with his opinion ? what can varerius say to this : that nauigation was not exact then , as the portugalls haue made it since , and therefore in such a vast roome for ignorance , the nauies might spend the more in a wrong course . well sir , but how came salomon to the knowledge of this farre distant land ? from god you say , i beleeue yee . so then , hee that taught him that there was such a land , and that there was gold in such a land , and aduised him to send thither , would not hee ( thinke you ) shew him the right way thether ? againe , the time of their being out is alwaies set downe but one : at the end of which they euermore returned , neither staying longer , nor comming sooner : which proues the distance of the place , and not the error of the sailers . lastly , the very name speaketh for vs as plaine as may : 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 do but transpose one letter , and they are all one . let mee therefore hold you for incredulous obstinates if you confesse not that america was knowne long before senecaes time . you are victor beroaldus , quoth i , and may now lawfully triumph : but admit that it was knowne to salomon , and his nauigators ; doth it follow therefore that it was discouered to the whole world besides , and such as had no commerce at all with the iewes ? or might not the memory of it bee vtterly extinct before the later times of the romaines ? which if it were , your opinion and senecaes presage are both ouerthrowne . nay nay , quoth beroaldus , i am not so easily disheartened with shadowes of reason . this sit doubt of yours , giues mee the stronger foote-hold . history is not silent in this discouery , but preserues the memory of it euen vnto the last posterities of the romans . for you know that from salomon to the building of carthage was little lesse then . yeares . but the carthaginians ( as aristotle witnesseth , nor can i beleeue that they did this in their citties infancie ) after a tedious nauigation did finde an island beyond the gades , ( which can bee none but this ) situate in the atlantike sea ; wherevpon they made a law ( which is a true signe that neither did they people it , nor the rest of the world , as then , commonly knew it ) that none should euer saile thether againe ; fearing least the wealthy and pleasant soile should allure the citizens to leaue carthage and go dwell there . now the grecians hauing this knowledge of it from carthage , how should it bee euer kept from rome ? but sirs , kicke against the truth as long as you list , or yeeld to it as i doe : i am most firmely perswaded that senecaes large continent is yet vndiscouered , and staies to yeeld vs this glorie , if we dare venter on it . for my selfe ; i am comming ( my world ) after so many vowes , and delaies , now i come at last , all fraight with hope and confidence , either to vnmaske thee to europe , or to lay my bones in thee . and you ( my friends and fellowes ) if there bee any true vertue , or loue of glory in your breasts , goe and share with mee in my fortunes in this great enterprise . shame goe with those frozen bosomes that affect nothing but security and in glorious estate ; that like no sepulcher but of the nations earth where they first breathed . we shall thirst , we shall be sicke , wee shall perish , o base hearing ! vnseemely for a philosopher once to think vpō ! and shaming the thoughts of trauellers , of such as seeke out a new world , and scorne this olde one . there wanteth nothing but a good will. if yee bee men take that will vnto yee , arme your selues against weake opinatiuenesse , and let vs undertake that iourney which may be perhaps , delightfull , and cannot but proue glorious vnto vs howsoeuer it may seeme laborious . if not , lusk at home with vigour without honor : i will finde some that shall beare mee company in this famous enterprise , whose after renowne you may perhaps enuy too late . here he stopt his speech , and beheld vs with an eye somewhat disturbed . his pithy speech ( whereof i cannot rehearse the tenth part ) mooued vs much , and so did our desires of nouelty and glorie : briefely , wee assented , and resolued all to assay this great discouerie , and embarked our selues in a ship called the fancie , taking our leaues of all our friends and acquaintance . after three daies wee arriued on the belgique shores , and at the weekes end in aquitane : but drogius staied behinde at delfe , and beroaldus left mee here and departed vnto monutauban , against both their wills : exposing mee to the derision of all mine acquaintance , after their great expectation of this our discouerie vnlesse i would proceede , and aduenture vpon all those vnknowne perills alone . yet this vnexpected departure of theirs did not ouer-come my resolution , but i would needes forwards , and hauing ( after two yeares ) passed the canaries , the coasts of affrica , and monomotapa : at last i arriued at that promontory of tenter-belly , which is called il cabo negro . the discouery of the land of tenter-belly , a part of the south indies , bordering vpon terra del fuego . the first booke , of the situation thereof . the land of tenter-belly is a region farre extending both in longitude and latitude , bounding on the north vpon the ethiopian ocean , on the east vpon a letcheritania & shee-landt : on the south , vpon b fooliana the fatte : and on the west vpon filtching-fennes . it lieth in that vndiscouered continent , where that huge and monstrous birde called c rvc , snatcheth vp ( now and then ) a whole elephant at a stoope , and swappes him vp at a bit . this is not incredible , for what i auerre , most of our geographers in their moderne discoueries doe confirme . touching the soyle , the fertilitie is most worthily admirable : the ayre most delicately temperate : ô how i haue pittied , that so bad husbandmen should possesse so happy an habitation . in latitude it lieth full sixtie degrees , and in longitude seuenty foure frō cabo de bona speranza , and is situate almost directly opposite vnto the southerne frontiers of affrica . such cosmographers as write hereof , diuide it generally into two prouinces , eat-allia ( called otherwise in the naturall idiome of the inhabitants gluttonia ) and drink-allia , or ( in the same language ) quaffonia : the former , situate in the same longitude and latitude ( god saue the sample ) with our england and the later , with the two germanies . both haue one prince , both one lawe : and a little reformation would make them concurre both in prince , lawe , habite and manners . eat-allia , or gluttonia . chap. . eat-allia , is in forme triangulare , like the greeke letter delta , which beareth this forme : [ Δ ] it is d as broad as long , and resembleth the figure of the old aegypt ; being full of high skie towring hills , and yet so fertile , that the very birds ( that flock thether from all places to feed ) if they stay but one three moneths at the mangery this soile affords them , are so ladened with the luggage of their owne fatned bodies , that they cannot possibly get wing so high as to ouer-toppe one of the meaner mountaines , but become sworne inhabitants of this fatte countrie all their liues after . fatte ? why your italian ortolano , or beccafico is but carrion to them . no. they are rarely fedde . this may seeme a fiction , but hee that hath seene the workes of nature in scotland , where the leaues that fall from certaine trees , lying but a while to rotte , become a goodly kinde of fowle called f barnacles , ( which are a kinde of wild-geese ) or in scythia , where ( as an honorable embassador of ours hath giuen an approued testimonie ) there are certaine creatures grow out of the earth in the shapes of g lambes , which being fast ioyned vnto the stalke they grow vpon , do notwithstanding eate vp all the grasse about them : he ( i say ) that hath assurance of these rare effects , cannot but assent vnto mine assertions as most authenticall . but ( to leaue digressions , and to returne to our purpose ) the fishes of the eat-allian shores ( and fish they haue in great aboundance ) are naturally so rauenous and greedy , that ( whether they pertake of the nature of the nation , or like h nero's turbut , presage their honorable sepultures ) you can no sooner cast out your angle-hooke amongst them , but immediatly , ( like the soules in lucian about charons boate , or cole-miners about the rope when the candles burning blew tels the dampe commeth ) you shall haue hundreds about the line , some hanging on the hooke , and some on the string besides it , such is their pleasure to goe to the pot , such their delight to march in pompe from the dresser . besides , the land hath diuerse good hauens , but they serue for harbour to no ship but such as comes fraught with good fare , and is laden with delicious viands . if any parcell of their fraight haue taken salt-water , or bee otherwise offensiue to the iudgment of the i maister of the custome-house , it commeth not a shore by any meanes . the soyle beares no tree that beares no fruite : ashes , oakes , willowes , & such fruitlesse fill-roomes , such saw i none , for none were there to be seene . but all the hedges ( and so it is also in drink-allia ) were stuck thick with hops : and surely in my conceit , the k westerne english and the lumbards had this custome ( at first ) from the drink-alls . this territory of old , was ( vnlesse their chronicles do mistake ) vnder the gouerment of the thriuingers ( inhabitants of l thriuingois ( a nation lying a good way further into the maine land ) for their annales report , how in the dayes of old saturne , the thriuonian princes bare sway ouer all this continent , and had their principall seate in that part now called eat-allia , and that because the men of those times liued most part vpon garlick ( called in latine allium ) therefore was this region called allia : but forreine inuasions ensuing , and those antient worthies being hereby chased from their places of soueraigntie , the conditions of the people grew to a great alteration , & to proportionate the name of the country to the natures of the inhabitants , they added eate vnto the ancient name , allia , & so from that change , it beareth the name of eat-allia vnto this present . dressembourg , the first canton of eat-allia . chap. . dressembourg , a is the first part of this great land of eat-allia , & fittest for vs to begin with in our intended discouery . this canton ( were it not for a greater instinct of naturall inclination ) is in too hotte a climate for any true eatall to inhabit : for the vttermost corner of it , ( which some geographers name the south cape , ) lieth vnder the same latitude with the most southerne point of castile , and is about two and fortie degrees distant from the aequinoctiall . the inhabitants be of a swartie tawnie , and most of them haue their skins all riuelled and withred , and for their conditions , they affect deliciousnesse rather then excesse . vpon the foresayd point of this canton which wee named the swarty cape , ( as the whole countrie is wondrously ouer-clowded with smoke , partly because the soile is very fennish , and partly because of the neerenesse of terra del fuego , the land of fire , which lieth as all the discouerers thereof doe with one voyce affirme , immediatly vpon the right hand thereof ) standeth the citty kitchin , the buildings of which towne are generally very lofty , and yet as generally smoakie and euill sented : i imagine that cochin in the east indies , was a colony sent at first from this citie . in the midst of this cittie standeth a goodly temple , dedicated to b god all-panch , a vaste and spacious building , wherein there are a thousand altars , burning with continuall incence ( excepting from shrouetide vnto easter-euen ) vnto the foresaid deitie . in the midst of this temple is a tower erected , of incredible altitude , no worke made with mans hand euer came neere it , the pyramides of memphis are but mole-hils to it : the inhabitants called it chymney-turret , and from the height thereof the whole region round about it haue the vsuall signall of warte giuen them ; for whereas wee vse to giue notice of such ensuing dangers by fyring a tarre-barrell on the toppe of a beacon , they on the contrary side haue their information from the ceasing of the smoake , for when-so-euer that eternall fume ceaseth to ascend in caliginous clouds , it is a sure warning that the foe approacheth : and this inuasion is most cōmonly attempted by the inhabitants of the starueling iles , ( otherwise called hunger-landers , ) for these are the most formidable enemies that the eat-alls haue , or can be annoied by . neare vnto the sayd city kitchin , are certaine villages that are all within the liberties thereof : and first , there is cole-house , a large towne truely , and all consisting ( a strange forme of building ) of caues vnder the ground : then is there ashe-ton , and that stands vpon the toppe of cole-house , on a most droughty and barren soile . tonges-worth , another little village and this ashe-ton , are both in one parish , and so is fyer-pan and c ayre-bumme , two goodly sweet farmes : on the left hand you haue three others , d spit-stead , kettle-drop , and spoones-by , all pretty townes , and maruellous well peopled . kettle-drop hath a faire riuer passeth through it , called e ture-mois , which ( they say ) boyleth euery . houres , not much vnlike the fountaine of the f peake , in england . banquet-ois , the second canton of eat-allia . chap. . passing out of dressembourg , the next canton yee enter is the very garden of all eat-allia , it is called banquetois , and is as it were a continuall forrest of nothing but dates , almonds , figges , oliues , pomegranates , cytrons , and nutmegs : and the riuer of oylebrooke hath his course through the heart of all this goodly territory . the citty of march-paine is the chiefe towne of note in this canton , beeing built after a stately manner with turrets , and obeliskes all guilt ouer , but indeede it is but of a slender kinde of fortification , and lieth verie open to the enemies cannon , a little aboue this city are certaine mines , called the sugar-hills , whence they digge a certain oare in collour whitish , in touch hard , & in tast sweete , a substance a vnknown of old , & since hauing bin counterfetted by arte , and drawne by alchymy b out of the arabian and indian reedes . this city hath very few inhabitants of any yeares that haue any teeth left : but all , from . to the graue are the naturall heires of stinking breaths . next vnto this , lieth another little corporation called drugges-burge , and here they haue a law , that none must bee made free of the city but apothecaries , grocers and boxe-makers . the shee-landresses vse much traffique vnto this place , but more vnto letcheri-tania , where they vse to make exchange by bartering christaline glasses , for vnguents and pomanders . now for these drugges-burgers , the very heauens seeme to conspire with the places fitnes , to increase their trading : for at certaine times of the yeare , you shall haue the whole countrie couered quite ouer with aromaticall trochisches , comfits and confections , that fall from the aire in as great aboundance c ( at those times when they do fal ) as euer fel showre of haile : now i hold this to be nothing really , but that same hony-dew which we shall finde now and then vpon the leaues of the oke in a kindly spring : the onely difference is in the solidity , for where as ours falleth in small dewy droppes , theirs is congealed by the cold of the ayres midle region , and so falleth in round balls , that rebound in their fall through this their accidētall induration . pewter-platteria , the third canton of eat-allia . chap. . as wee passed vnder the . degree beyond the line , wee entred into a spacious plaine , the inhabitants named it pewter-platteria , and wee for breuity sake , entred it in our mappe vnder the name of platters-plaine : it lieth in the very heart of eat-allia , and the first city that we met within this tract was a victullu , through the midst of which there passeth a riuer called b sauce , whose water is some-what tart in the taste . in the market place of this town we beheld a tombe , which as far as i could guesse by the weather-worne inscription , conteined the bones of the romane apicius . it was no rare peece of worke but it was of a most ancient model , and the tombe-stone was cut in forme of a sea-crab . and surely ( let seneca say what hee please ) it might very well be that this famous gurmōd hauing bestowed a great deale of lost labour in seeking bigger crabbes on the african shores then the french afforded , turned his course vnto this country , ( or els was forced hither by tempest ) and so here layd his bones , vpon some deadly surfet . let the colledge of critiques be iudge . i do here purposely omit the fruitfull plaines of goblet the great , and fat-land forrest : togither with the goodly citty c sausagiena : oh there 's a towne rarely seated , onely it stands a little too neere the salt-water : i ouer passe that stinking d cheese-mongeria also , and e butterkin the fennie , the last towne of all eat-allia , and situate vpon the very borders of quaffonia , these i passe ouer slightly , onely because i would faine bee at the metropolitane city of the whole region , for that very place alone , in structure of houses , manners of inhabitants , and formality of discipline , is worth all the rest to one that wayeth it well . the metropolitane city of eat-allia : the peoples conditions . chap. . hereabouts are but few villages , no more then in other places of the land , so that one may easily discerne that the a cities haue eaten vp all the boroughs . neither are their citties so aboundant in nūber as they are in ritches and inhabitants , but of them all , the prime and mother cittie is that famous flesh-pasty-nople . their old records doe report , that in former ages there were two ritch and potent citties , fleshton , and py-nople , betweene whome ( as is vsuall amongst great men , and great places , in so much that the b two best vniuersities of the worlde , both of them my mothers , and one of them my nurse also , and both sisters , yet can scarely for-beare this froward contention ) there was long and vehement altercation about the soueraignity . py-nople stood vpon hie antiquitie : and assuredly in old saturnes time , the world afforded not hir parallell . but flesh-ton counterpoised the others continuance , with hir owne glorie , pleasant situation and powerfulnesse : well , a parliament was called , and finally , the whole house with one consent gaue the supremacy vnto flesh-ton . such is the vilenesse of this depriued age , that though it bee gray headed with decay , yet wil it prefer proud and vnripe ( or rather to soone ripe nouelty ) an hundred degrees before pure simple antiquity . c py-nople being thus disgraced , decayed to nothing , it is at this daie almost impossible to know where it stood that was whilome a goodly cittie neuer had d poets , saint albones iuster cause to accuse the malice of man and of time , then this poore ruined pile hath to condemne it . now grew flesh-ton into more and more lustre , and both to adde a magnificence to the name , as also to past the foile of py-nople vpon the fore-head of all posterity , it left the last syllable of the old name , and assumed the two last of py-nople for it , ioyning them , togither with the cement wherof the ancient walls were made ( called in their language , payste ) and so was thence-forth called flesh-pasti-nople . touching the forme of it , it is rather vast in compasse then comely in buildings : and hath a ditch ( or rather a riueret ) of spring water running almost through euery streete , in which water , you shall see a thousand seuerall impayled fish-ponds , wherein also they keepe swannes ; duckes , diue-dappers , herons , teales , and all water foules whatsoeuer , ( as they do now at auspurg , vpon instruction from hence ) and this current is called c grauy-ditch . it is double walled about , with the bones that remained of their carniuall reuellings , and these bones were most artificially disposed each in his due place , the great bones standing vnderneath as pillers to the whole worke ; the mid-most were next in order aboue them , and the smallest were ranked in the highest place , and all very well fastned togither with morter made of the whites of egges ; in good sadnesse most artificially , and with full iudgement . their houses with-in , were neither too stately nor too lofty , they needed no f augustus to forbid the building aboue . foote high , nor any g iuuenal , or h seneca to complaine of their stories vpon stories . no ( faith ) they kept a very good course for that . they loue no ascents by staires vp to their dores , for two causes ; partly because it is toilesome to climbe vp them when their bellies are bum-basted , and partly because it is dangerous to come downe them when their braines are throughly moistned , ( as they must bee most commonly vpon a great forfeiture ) : insteed of lead , tile , & states , their houses are all rooft with beasts shoulder-bones , very cunningly knit together i assure yea : their city consisteth not of any saue such as haue one dependance or other vpon the good fellowes rack and manager . the husbandmen , carpenters millers and butchers haue each their habitations assigned thē in the suburbes : who notwithstanding if they can bring their bellies vnto a certain set size , are presently carried to gurmonds hall , and there made free of the wide-throates , or large-weasands : but no stranger can haue his freedome at first , vnlesse he be either a cooke , a baker , or an inkeeper : the citty is gouerned by a set number of gratie senators , peculiarly enstiled alder-guts , who are not elected ( as our european burgomaisters are ) for their wisdome , their wealth , or their horse-taile beards , but by the circumference of their naturall tankards ( their paūches ) which at a sollemn set feast are euery yeare measured once : and the more that each mans rotundity of corpulence is found to bee enlarged ; vnto the higher place is hee presently 〈◊〉 : so that i haue seene some come sneaking out of the fagge end of the suburbes , who had held their i shappikino●e in the verges of the cities bodex ; food knowes how many winters , iustle notwithstanding at length , into and honorable place in the citty , and at lasticome to be a principal syre of this famous common-weale . but now 〈◊〉 all heare or 〈…〉 her sicknesse , ( as it often falleth out ) or age , doe chance to make these alder-guts cast their colloppes afterward , they are immediate put off the bench and loose both greace , and grace 〈◊〉 one clap : this is hard now but it 〈◊〉 as hard as it is i can 〈◊〉 that . the 〈◊〉 ( which ) admired in a city otherwise so regardlesse of curiosity ) are al paued with faire large marble stones : because ( as i imagine ) othewise the inequality of pebbles lay thē neuer so euen , would haue bin a troble to the gourmonds & other citizens in making them lift their feete too high , whereas 〈◊〉 they are both eased of that encombranced , and their coaches haue lesse occasion to shake their distended guts : for they neuer go abroad on foot , nor on hors-back , nor in litters , but are caried about the streetes in great foure-wheeled coatches , that they may haue the quieter means to sit and spaule when they are caried home from wheeleing-in . the geometricall proportion of the city is circular , and hath foure gates at which there doe sit daily ( course by course ) alderguts selected , and properly instiled of that office superuisors of the paunshery : and these are ( like the guales guard in a town of garrison ) to examine al ingredients , and egredients : the fatter , to see that they go not out fasting ( which their long and graue experience in the extension and contraction of gutts makes them able most exactly to discouer , and where they finde the person defectiue , his mulct is to eate two suppers ) and the first , to see that they come not in emptie-handed : for not to go out ful-bellied and not to come in ful-handed , is an heinous contempt of the citties right health-ful gouernment . euery month , they are bound by their law , ( and would bee so were there no such law ) to celebrate a sollemne feast , where euery aldergut of the whole society must prefent himself , all excuses and delaies set apart what soeuer , to consult ( after dinner , for before it is vnlawful for any one to giue his voice ) about the publique good . the place where they meet is gourmonds hall : euery one knoweth his seate , & hath his iourdan or chamber-pot standing by him in a little coffer made for the purpose . wel being met , & hauing turned their wine into water , and their oysters into shells , euery one takes his chaire and to dinner they go . their daintiest dishes , are euermore the first sacrifices vnto their stomakes , for they hold it fit that the best meat meeteth fittest with the best appetite . now they may not in any case haue their boares , sheepe , goates , lambs &c. serued vp in parcels & ioynts , as we of europe vse , but they must haue all whole ( the old romanes taught them that ) you shal see the waiters come sweating with an whole hogge , or an whole calfe vpon a great pewter engine , you would blesse yee to behold it . hee that riseth before six houres bee fully ruine , runs his head vnder a rigorous fine and al this while they eate & drinke by little and little only ( for that cause that made k aristotles parasite with himselfe the necke of a crane ) to take the more delight in the delicacies . but for the breaking vp of the feast , they haue this order . they haue a dore in their hall , large enough 〈◊〉 the greatest gut-monger that liues , and take him fasting . at this dore , the alder-guts enter when they come to the feast , which beeing ended , he that offers to passe the same way hee came , and cannot get his belly through , is let forth another waie : but hee that passeth as easily as he came in , is staid by an officer appointed for that purpose , called the serieant of the mawe , and brought back againe ( will hee nill hee ) where hee must settle him to a renewed rouse , vntill his belly bee able to kisse both the cheekes of the dore at once , and then he is dismissed . ( i cannot bee fully perswaded but the creeping through l saint wilfrids needle was a deuise brought by some ancient pilgrim from this more ancient alder-guts custome ) . the towns-men of this place haue the hugest gardens of the world , but they are all out of order , nothing like the gardens of adonis , alcinous , no nor m langius-his neither , no sir , come not thether to looke for your arbours , your alleies , or your conceited flowry knots , mary if you looke for your radish , your garlike , your cabbidge , your muske-melon , or so , they are for you : italy her selfe had most of her more delicate rootes from hence : an hundred carthusians might haue a christmas dinner from hence at an houres warning . the goodly colewort there you soone should finde , the lettuce , and the onions double kinde : and beetes , for him that would be loose behinde . nay marke but whether these men haue a care of the citties credite . they haue a common hospitall ( and that , i may tel you , a large one ) wherein al such as haue got the dropsie , the goute , the cough of the lungs , or any such malady by too much gour-mandizing , are maintained of the publike charge . but al such as haue lost their teeth by age , or by eating their broth too hot , are forth with prouided for very conueniently & sent away n into spone-meat ilands : there are many belonging to this city that liue in forme of slaues , and those are appointed to till the fields , and sow the gardens . euery ritch gurmond keepes diuers of these labourers , who notwithstanding when the guts are at sufficient growth , haue their freedome giuen them gratis . if any of the nobility chance to die of a surfet ( as there doth assuredly , more , then of any other death ) his statue is presently forged of most select & delicate dishes , and so he is laid forth for his slaues and o his p●ndentes per , to tire vpon : nor is it lawfull for them to bee so idle as to refuse immeditate execution of this honorable ordinance . the , whole sort of al these citizens are generally of an vnmeasurable grosenesse ( and seemed to mee when i sawe them walke iust like so many tunnes , mouing each vpon two pottle pots ) : nor is that man worthy of any ( the meanest ) saluation in the world , that is not p all cheekes to the belly , and all belly to the knees : and such shapes doe the women of this cittie walke in also : ( the germaine frowes doe prittily well in imitation of these fusty-lugs , but the barbarians come very neere them ) . the yong women may not mary till such time as before a bench of matrons , they make a publicke demonstration to their husbands that shall bee , that their dugges and chinnes may meete without any forcing of either . they go for the most part all naked , onely their alder-guts may weare gownes ; mary those must be onely the skinnes of such beasts as they are able to deuoure alone at one sitting . yet there is no free-man of the towne but weares a large knife , and a spoone as big as a ladle bound to his right arme . before ; vpon the breasts , each one weareth a poke of hayre-cloth to saue the gobbets that chance to fall besides , and to wipe their mouths with-all , but those they vse so long in this greasie imployment , that whether their shining exceed their blacknesse , or their blacknesse their shining he had need be well sighted that should iudge . they are naturally dull of wit , and slow of apprehension , and yet notwithstanding most perfect in all the arts they respect . their schooles haue no lectures read in them , but onely q apicius his institutions of the arte of muncherie : & there are all the yong fry taught the sciences of caruing , chewing and swallowing , oh most profoundly : the muncherie lecturer ( when i was there ) was one doctor full-gorge , a man most rare in his profession , and insteed of his grammar , hee read the first section of the foresaid institutiō of apicius . their library is a large roome , rancked full of potts and kannes of all sorts , euery sorte being enseamed in their seuerall classes : so the schollers haue also , each one his full pott and his laden plat●er , r for his booke : the freshmen haue lesser measures , the sophisters larger , and so vp to the graduates . the first perhaps hath his pinte & his pullet , the next his quart & his goose , the third his pot●●● and his fat lambe , or his gammon of baton , and so vpwards : nor may any leaue his taske , or haue leaue to play till he haue made an end of what was enioyned him . if any one stay seauen yeares in these schooles , and benefit nothing , he is forth-with banished for euer into the starueling iles , to hunger-land is he sent away immediatly , to deale vpon spanish dinners , furnished with halfe piltchers . thether also they thrust all phisitions and prescribers of diers : if any of thē be ill at ease ( let asclepiades swagger & hang if he list ) he presently eates a raw radish , drinkes a little hott water , spewes a while , & within a quarter of an houre , viah , he lets flie vpon aiax , & rises from his roast as sound as a bell . now all the what you wil , that the voids at either end during this purging time , is immediatly confiscate vnto the dukes treasurie and s strained vpon in such a case , by certaine surueyors , especially appointed for such commodities . they loue venison dearely well , yet can they not tell how to catch it : onely such deere as comes willingly amongst them , those they entangle in netts and soyles and so take them . but the noble swine , oh they prize that beast aboue all that euer nature produced ; but whether it be because of their sympathy of natures , being both fatally consecrated to the table , or by reason that the swine will feede on the coursest meate and yet be soonest fedde , this i leaue to a more iudicious censor to determine . what man is he now would thinke , that in this inundation of profusenesse their should be any dry hillock left for parsimony to inhabit ? yet ( sooth ) there is many haue an vnfit dwelling among such gulp-thrifts : certainly i haue obserued an exceeding care they haue in the reseruing of the smallest bit-bone , and fragment that remaines after their banquetings ; wherevpon they neither keepe dogge , catte , hawke , nor any creature whatsoeuer that will eate flesh : nay which is more , in the fatting of their pidgeons , and capons , they will take them and make them vn-gorge the corne that they haue already halfe disgested , and giue it for meate vnto the others . the venetians haue learnt this pretty trick of them already , and t can doe it very neatly . now as for the men themselues , if any one keepe any victuals by him vntill they stinke , hee is forth-with condemned of high treason , and spitted vpon a stake . onely two reseruations this lawe agreeeth vnto , the first is , they may keepe their . venison vntill it bee all hoarie , and mouldie quite ouer , and the second is , they may lay vp ( foh , nasty ! ) their cheese where they thinke good , so long , vntill it be ready to creepe quite away with maggots , and then they take these wormes ( the very putrification of a most putride meate ) and scraping a little sugar on them , crash them vppe with spoones as if they were almond-comfites . out vpon them ; i wonder our low dutch would be such logger-heads as to follow them in this filthy fashion . this region aboundeth with riuers , whose course is ( most of them ) vncertaine , because of the aboundance of ordure that stops them , some-times heere , and sometimes there , but generally ( take this for an infallible rule ) n at the beginning of ianuary , and the ending , or about the ending of february , they are sure all of them to ouer-slow the bankes , and ( if the breatches bee not stop in time ) to do much harme in the pastures adioyning . the warres of the eat-allians . chap. . the eat-allians haue vnreconcileable warres with a two other nations , the hunger-landers of the starueling iland , and the thriuingers of thriuingois : the first , inhabite certaine westerne iles in the atlantike sea , not farre from eat-allia : but the later lie somewhat further of it , by reason of a great part of the tertorie of fooliana , and some parcell also of b shee-landt , that puts in betweene them : their historicall monuments relate that the plienger-landers being confederate with the theeuing-arians , haue made many terrible inuasions vp on the eat-allians borders : and one time gaue them a sore foyle , insomuch that the poore inhabitants were faine to hide themselues in hores and causes vnder ground : vntill at last their gods guardions pitied them , and made their foes owne chappes their full destruction ; for they did so ingorge them selues after this sudden change , that growing hereby all diseased , there was not a man left of them in three yeares , if you would haue giuen a spanish reall for a man : not a man to cast at a dog . the thriuingers also , the ancient inhabitauts of this land , haue made many attempts to regaine their lost possession , but ( as fortune lightly lea●eth to the wrong side ) haue beene continually beaten backe by the eat-all an● good successe . they march vnto battell , armed onely before , for what-neede any fence behinde , se●ing they cannot turne them-selues to runne away ? ) with oxe-hides , sheepe-skins , & swines pelts , that you would imagine , seeing them goe to warre , that it were a heard of cattle that were a driuing to the watring place : their weapons commonly are spits , and fire-forkes , mary some of them haue , gunnes , and crossebowes made of the bones of the largest oxen they kill : but the very truth is ( i may tell it here to you in priuate , but 't is a rare point of pollicie . ) the drink-allians giue them their best assistance , for had not they beene , the eat-allians had beene downe the winde long ere this : and there is c the maine of all the matter . of idle-bergh , an imperiall free towne . chap. . bvt i haue some-what to say of a idle-bergh , though i haue said nothing of it yet ; it may not passe mee so being so famous and free a state as it is . it hath a large territorie vnder command , & is situate in the farthest confines of pewter-platteria , towards fooliana . there is not a towne either of more antiquity , or worthy more admiration in all eat-allia then this is : the citizens liue in farre more happy estate then euer monke did : for they haue all things they can desire , in aboundance . for first the towne is so strongly situate , that it is vtterly impregnable , and may iustly mock at all the enemies enterprises , being built vpon a rock b ten germaine miles in height , and withall so steepe , that it is vtterly inaccessible : at the foote of this cliffe runs the riuer of idle , whereof the towne taketh her name : runs said i ? nay it seemes rather to creepe : being more like a lake then a riuer . there is but one way vp to the towne , and that is not by mounting the rock by degrees , and windings , as wee see in other forts of this situation , but the townes-men let downe a roape and a basket , like the bucket of a well , and so hale vp the passengers . they liue all vpon certaine birds naturally bred amongst them , i neuer saw any of them else-where , the inhabitants call them c gulls , and they are not much vnlike to our bald cootes . they serue the cities vse with three sorts of meates , flesh , egges , and fish ; flesh , from their owne carcasses , egges from their nests , where they lay them in great aboundance , and fish which they bring for the feeding of their young ones , in huge excesse : and besides , the sticks of their nests finde the citizens perpetuall firing . what , would yee more ? and more yee shall haue . their fethers serue the citizens for stopping of their beds , yea and some to spare also , for transportation . the grounds within the walls bring forth both whole vintages of delicate grapes , and whole haruests of the purest wheate . nor is there any other thing whatsoeuer that the idle-berghers esteeme , but they enioy it within themselues . the people do liue an vncurious life , and in apuleius his sence ( who called a fatte lambe , an vncurious one ) selues are truly vncurious . d they sup , they sleepe , they rise , they dine , and they sup , and so round in a ring , ( vnlesse a little whoring now and then chance to adde one dance more to the round . ) they haue a lawe ( and that i thinke they had from the e sybarites ) that barreth all eunuches , and all artificers from dwelling amongst them . their swine serue for their plow-men ( as they did whilom in aegipt ) they vse no other husbandrie : yet the ritcher sort haue attendants : one to open the maisters eyes gently when hee awaketh : another to fanne a coole ayre whilest hee eateth , a third to put in his viands when hee gapeth , a fourth to fit his girdle to his belly , as it riseth and falleth , the maister onely excerciseth but eating , disgesting , and laying out . there are diuerse other cities that hold of this idle-bergh in capite , & vnder protection of her , enioy the same priuiledges with her , namely f sleepe-on , and snort-apace : yet here the citizens are seldome or neuer awake , but ( as g pliny writeth of the beares ) do generally lye so soundly a iouking , that a man may wound them ere hee awake them : and it is strange to see how fatte they grow by this drowsie lethargie . the lawes of the land. chap. . gourmonds hall is a very faire , large house , statefully set forth with arched bay windowes , and vpon the front of the entrance are these words fairely engrauen in letters of gold , to , revell , and to , methode . a and within , there hung a table chained to a marble piller , conteining these sacred and inuiolable lawes . be it enacted . . that eating but one meale a day , bee hence-forth held for a capitall transgression . . that he that ouer-throwes a full dish or a cup rashly , or howsoeuer , be forthwith by vertue of this statute enioyned to stand vpright on his feete , and hauing a dish of broth set betweene his heeles , to eate it all vp with a thimble . . that none eate alone , nor violate the lawes of the table by any priuate suppers : but that euery citizen do eate either in the streetes or in an open window , vpon paine of eating his next meale with his heeles vpward . . that whosoeuer forbeareth to sleepe or eate foure houres together , do satisfie the state by eating two suppers . . yet if the mouth bee full , it shall bee sufficient to giue an answer by holding vp the finger . . that conspiratours bee forth-with starued to death , and other malefactors punished by the losse of a tooth . . that all cookes that dresse not their meate according to the iudicious palate , be immediatly bound vnto stakes , & flesh halfe roasted hung by them , vntill some pittifull and hungry spectator take compassion on them , and eate it all vp . . that to belch bee held not onely lawfull , but honorable also : and that the gouerment of the next future feast bee assigned vnto him that broke winde the strongliest at the last . . that b if any one hold his breath whilest his belly is a measuring , he be forthwith made vncapable of all aduancement , and condemned to fast one whole day in a grate , where he may behold the rest of the alder-guts at dinner and supper . . that euery mans weekly maungery be brought in a billa vera by his fellow gurmond vnto the register to be recorded , and withall that if he haue not fulfilled the lawe in that case enacted , hee may be accordingly fined . signed all-paunch . those that are the least offenders , are put for foure and twenty houres into the temple of famine , a prison directly contrary vnto our c bedlem . it stands without the cittie as aesculaps temple stood without rome : but not for healths sake ( as plutarch saith how that did ) but onely least such as are condemned vnto that gaole should so much as once sent the ayre of the kitchin. the walls of it are all painted about with all manner of good victualls , onely to excite the prisoners appetite vnto his greater plague , and verily one iesuite or other hath seene these walles , and there-vpon deuised pictures for their chambers of meditation . they vse no money : what haue wee to doe , say they , with these saplesse and vnsauory mettals ? no , they follow that ancient custome that d aristotle records , and barter goods for goods by way of exchange . two sparrowes is the price of a stare , two stares for a black-bird , two black-birds for a hen , two hens for a goose , two geese for a lambe , two lambes for a calfe ; two calfes for a goate , & two goates for a cow : and thus they do also in fish and rootes , at a set price : the towle-mens especiall care beeing this , that neither their stuffe be too bad , nor their price too great . their religion . chap. . they cannot endure iupiter , for he , when hee thunders , sowres all their wines , and ouer-wets their plants with vnseasonable showers . they haue a good deuotion vnto god trine , because he eateth vp althings before him , and shewes himselfe herein a true eat-all . they haue built a goodly temple vnto him , in which i saw the picture of saturne eating vp his children , passing artificially portrayed . on shroue-tuesday , they offer sacrifice vnto the genius of the place , whom they hold for their chiefe deitie , and almost for their onely deity : euery yeare once doth this power appeare vnto them in forme of a monstrous fowle , most huge and most rauenous , ( the inhabitants call him rvc ) and accepts the offrings of his seruants , and they for their parts are not behinde hand with him , but present him with whole hecatombes of raw-flesh , thus ordered . in pewter-platter-ia ( of which you heard before ) there is a large plaine , lying towards the south , circled in with mountaines on each side . vnto this plain do al the inhabitāts flock at a certain day appointed , bringing with them an ocean of victuals , elephants , rhinocerots , camells ( all which they feed for this purpose , for other-wise they would neuer keepe such vnprofitable creatures ) oxen of the largest size , boares , sheepe , goates , togither with a whole army of birds , all with the feathers pluckt off : all these they put as it were into this large cage ; which being done , they get them vp on the mountaines sides , as if they tooke their seates in a play-house , and with bended knees doe there expect the comming of this great deity , old ruc of rucs hall . at length sir , you shall see him come a farre off , with a noise , able to deafe the whole nation three hundred miles about , with a great crooked bill as bigge a ( almost ) as halfe the equinoctiall circle , with a paire of tallants , like two broade spred okes , with two eyes in his head like two townes that were on fire , and such an inundation of harpies , rauens , vultures , and haukes , about him , ! o strange ! stupendious sight , for man to see ! with a cry , able to procure an earth-quake they approach the plaine , and by and by , their wings eclipse the sunne , and bring a midnight ouer the whole valley , they are so huge a multitude . three times they flagge about the plaine , while the people powre out their very bladders in teares , and all that is in their bellies in hearty praiers vnto this route of religious birdes . by this time , generall rvc , the leader of this starued regiment hath spied his pray , for hee out of all that folio catalogue of carcasses , must choose what pleases his tooth first , supose hee take some fiue elephants , or halfe a score oxen , he is to be first serued , and then euery one to his sharke , tagge and ragge there yee should see one fly away with a calfe here another with a lambe , ther● one with a boare and here anothe● with a swanne , euery one fitting his luggage to his strength , and thus with a reuerent and religious applause of all the lookers on , b they depart euery one with his cariage , and leaues the rest behind them : all which ( and that is an huge deale of meate ) the people are bound in conscience to get ready and eate vp ere they goe , whereby their bellies are so ouer-stuffed , that they loath flesh almost forty daies after , during which space they liue all vpon fish ( but that is costly drest with sirrups and sauces ) and with the dainties of banquet-ois : both to refresh themselues with the delicacy thereof , as also to returne to flesh againe which the sharper appetite , hauing thus long forborne it . sure as death the pope had his lent sent him out of this country , vpon the granting them some odde indulgence , or vpon dispensing with them for ember weekes . the election of the great duke . chap. . now wee come to the great dukes place , and thether by good chance came i , the very same day that a new duke was elected , according to the custome of the country . there is a stately palace standeth vpon a narrow ledge of land lying iust betweene eat-allia and drink-allia , which also ioyneth them both together : this pallace was built ( as their most ancient chroniclers auouch ) by a giant called ( in the sayd chronicles ) all-paunch : who was of an incredible height of body ; not like him whose picture the schollers of cambridge goe to see at hogmagog hills : but rather like him that ought the two aple-teeth which were digged out of a well in cambridge that were little lesse then a mans head , ( yet was not the tooth that was found on the shore of vtina any way comparable to these ) plinyes a orestes , or b plutarches orion were but dwarfes in respect of this same great all-paunch . suppose rather that you saw antaeus that was three-score cubites heigh , or him whose carcasse being digged vp at drepano , was , ( as boccace affirmeth the symetrians to haue gathered by his thigh bone ) two hundred cubites in length , this later i thinke might bee brother to him wee speake off . this all-paunch was the first that conquered this countrie from the thriuingois , draue them all out of the land , brought in a new people , and gaue them new lawes : and his soule they imagine ( as pythagoras his opinion affirmed ) to bee entred into that huge bird rvc , in which shape ( as i said ) they do yearly adore him . the silly people haue this fellow in as great reuerence as the turkes haue mahomet . hee lyeth buried in the midst of the palaces base court : where for a sacred memorial of him , there is a statue erected , farre higher then lisippus his brazen colossus , neare vnto which his tombe is , vpon which i discerned some markes of letters , but antiquity had so eaten them out , as ouid saith . old time that razeth all and spareth none , and age that eateth through the hardest stone had so defaced the inscription , that i could scarcely make any good sence of it . the fragments stood in this manner . i all panch d●ke of tenterbelly ly here a lord a victor a prince a deity . let none goe by me fasting nor name me hvngry . nor salvte me sober . be mine heire he that can. my svbiect hee that will mine enemy he that dare . farewell bellies and be fatte . now i imagine it should conteine these words ; iudge i pray the gentle reader , and if thou canst restore the fragments to their true contents better then i haue done here , thou maist doe the antiquaries much pleasure herein : i thinke it is thus . i all-pavnch , dvke of tenter-bellye , ly here entombed . dying a lord , a victor , a prince , a deity . let none go by me fasting , nor name me hvngry , nor salvte mee sober . be mine heire hee that can , my svbiect hee that will , mine enemy he that dare . fare-wel bellies and be fatte . this tombe is to bee seene in the pallace of the duke , who hath his regalitie according to this first dukes institution , not by succession , but by election , for there are foure chiefe linages , or families in the land : the treble-chins , the bacon-choppes , the woolsacks , and the nimble-iawes : any one of these foure houses may stand for the dukedome , and vpon desert obtaine it . this now is the order of the election : there is a yearely tilting ordained ( not any tilting with speares , but a tilting of barrells ) whervnto euery one comes armed with his teeth , all new sharpened , and to it they goe , where hee that vnhorseth most meate , and lifteth most measures of wine out of their pewtersaddles , is not onely honoured with a crowne of clustered vines , but furthermore is made lord high steward of the land , the dukes next inferior : which done , and the tournament ended , each one ariseth ( if hee can ) and laying his hand on the sacred tombe of dead duke all-paunche , taketh an othe by the deities of bacchus , saturne ; and the reuerend all-paunch to performe his duety in this election without any partiall dealing whatsoeuer . then they depart vnto the theater which is prepared for that daies vse ( not too high for feare of beeing tired ere they got vp staires ) and there they take their places to behold this future election . then first commeth forth the new chosen lord high steward , and he bringeth in his hand a golden girdle , all enchased with pearles , diamonds , rubies &c. and this they call the holie belt of state : and vpon it , i espied these words , set in perfect rubies ; nothing , if not beyond . now first , the last yeares duke puts it on , and taketh the exact measure of his owne souse-tub , and then al the rest of the nobility doe so after him , and hee that can set it on the tenters ( without stretching of his bellie , or holding of his breath ) so stiffe , that it neede bee letten out one hole more ; hee is the man that with great acclamations is proclamed high duke of tenter-belly . and then presently commeth his cup-bearer , and vpon his knees presents him with a siluer tankard of some dozen quartes , and intreates his grace to drinke a health vnto the people . hee takes it , and lifting vppe the lidde , beginnes an oration to the people befitting occasion , or if hee bee no good oratour , yet hee giues them as kinde a congratulation as hee can . truely i was verie attentiue to it b but they doe all speake so in the throate , that i could neither like the sound nor learne the sence , vntill mine interpretour told mee how it was : and thus it was indeede . after hee had yeelded thankes ( quoth hee ) to bacchus , c carnea , and all those fauourable deities , especiallie to his owne great mawe , the giuer of such high honours , and had giuen gramercie to his eyes , that had beheld him the best man in all tenter-bellie d ere they fell out , hee turned his speach vnto the people , and in most excellent and rhetoricall good tearmes , tooke a fresh oathe by saint all-●aunche , that hee would be a bulwarke to our liberties , a drudge to our businesses , a terrour to our enemies , a childe to our aduises ; a follower of our counsells , a preseruer of our studies , a father to our desires , an enlarger of our weasands , and an increaser of our measures : finally , he would preserue vs as wee were now , and make vs as wee would bee . and then hee denounced himselfe a professed foe to hunger , abstinence , diet , naughty ale and meagernesse of wine , beere , and bodie , and swore once more ( to assure vs ) that while hee bare that roiall belt , none should either fast vnpunished , or bee drunke vnrewarded . goe on my good subiects ( quoth he ) i adiure you by the sacred weight of your well distended wombes , goe on , bee yee all and alwaies free and frolicke ! o the royalty of reuells ! o honorable helter skelters ! let neuer this goodlie formed goblet of wine ( quoth hee , and tooke vppe his pot of twelue quartes ) goe iouiallie through mee , ( and then hee set it to his mouth , stole it off euery droppe saue a little remainder which hee was by custome to set vpon his thumbes naile and licke it off , as hee did , and then proceeded ) vnlesse i doe from the bottome of mine heart , will and wishe you continuallie dronken heads , full bellies , and fatte fortunes . then hauing made an end , the audience made all ring with their applause , they gaue it him so fully and so faithfully : longe liue bounsingut , wool-sack , caesar , emperor of tenter-belly , long liue he , long reigne hee , long grow hee ; this they rattled yee vppe , at least a dozen times ouer . then were the armes of the dukedome giuen him , which was the rampant estridge , swallowing of an iron horshooe : the word disgest , and do best . for his sword and scepter , the lord high-steward presented him with a great knife , and a pretty golden tunne , and in deliuering them ( according to custome ) pronounced these words , vse and enioye them . but then for the coronation dinner and supper ! oh mercifull heauens ! what castles of platters and chargers , what mountaines of flesh and banquetry , what deluges of wine ale and vsquebath did i see there ! i will neuer stand vpon perticulars : onely this i cannot ommit , the streetes that night were strowed so thicke with drunken carcasses that i thinke in conscience there was neuer more memories left in the field , of the greatest massacre that euer this moderne age was witnesse of . there are diuers cities besides in this dominion , as swallow-all , hogges-den , tickle-chere , and e lickingoa , but their formes of gouernment are peculiarlie declared in the description of flesh-pastinople , and so need no perticular rehearsall . the starueling iland , or hungerland . chap. . bvt wee had quite forgotten the remembrance of starueling iland , take it therefore with you now , as a pennance for your tedious abode in eat-allia . it lieth vnder three and thirty degrees of longitude , and foure and fifty of latitude , beeing on the north , directly opposite vnto cabo bianco , and on the south , vnto filtching-fennes . it is a stonie , swartie , barren , grass-lesse , sandie soyle : there are some trees in it , but they haue neuer an inch of barke left , nor blossome , nor budde : nay the plentie of all places , the weede , cannot finde in his heart to make any ( the smallest ) residence in these quarters . the lands naturall barrennesse affordes no distinction either of summer or winter , whether it bee because the inhabitants snappe vppe there herbes as soone as euer they peepe out of the ground , or that it bee the effect of ceres curse , ( who sayling about the world to seeke her daughter , made ship-wracke on the craggie shore of this i le , and therevpon , they say , layde her malediction vpon it ) it lies not in mee to resolue you . there is none that dwells in this soile willinglie , but all the inhabitants are exiles : and their hew is naturallie betweene a pale and a swartie , their skinnes crumpled like halfe burnt partchment , and puckered like the hide of an elephant : the sunne did neuer see more meager creatures , you would sweare they were anatomies couered with fresh skinne , or els one of athenodorus his apparitions , they looke so ghastly . you shall haue one laying a plotte how to intrappe the flies : another , contriuing a conspiracie against the wormes ; nay there bee they that sitte shauing of the earthes ( god knowes already neere shorne ) beard , to discouer the rootes of the vngrowne grasse : nay they will lye in ambushes one for another ( like so many a bald-cannyes in a dead vacation of butcherie ) yet notwithstanding they haue a good excuse for this out of aristotle , for you know that the greater number of strangers arriuing , the greater scarcity of belly-timber must needs ensue . by this meanes no stranger escapes them vnlesse he bee either too strong for their assaults , or too leane for their stomacks . they are ( most of them ) blacksmiths , notwithstanding that the eatealls banish all their philosophers and phisitians hither , and so doe the spaniards all their slaues that haue serued out their time . they haue a strange and fierce wilde beast rangeth continually in the night all about the deserts of this iland , and they giue it the name of b an emptie-maw : it will keepe such a terrible barking , that it makes the hollow ayre eccho againe : and he of this land that heareth it not barke once in twelue houres , growes deafe immediatly , but hee that heareth it thrice in six and thirty houres and giueth it nothing to deuoure ere twelue houres more be runne c dieth presently , without all auoidance . touching other beasts , i saw none in all this whole iland , but a sort of wolues , and some d monkeyes that had eaten of a great part of their owne tailes . not any else could i espie , indeed i durst not make any long aboade in so leane a land , it was no wisdome , was it thinke yee ? thus farre of eat-allia , and the adiacent iles ; now come we to drink-allia , and so good night . of drink-allia , the second prouince of tenter-belly . chap. . the conditions of the inhabitants . let none expect any exact description of drink-allia in this place , for i durst not for mine eares offer to go into any cittie of the whole prouince , vntill it was darke night , that all the citizens were wrapt in wine and warme clothes , and then ( you know ) how was it possible to discouer any thing ? you may perhaps say , what should you feare ? faith i le tell yee : harke in your eare ! i feared the burgomaisters bountie : for their fashion is , as soone as any one settes foote in at the cittie gate , to giue him , by my troth i wotte neere how many lifts of wine for his welcome ; oh they receiue him in pompe ; and all of the common purse of the cittie : now so many stoopes must hee pull of , or else hee is held an vngratefull , vnmannerly fellow , and which is worse , a direct foe to the common good of the cittie . now i feared both this honour and this danger , and now i hope you are answered . to our purpose . this prouince is some-what larger then eat-allia , and what that hath in wealth , this hath in intemperancie . it is as broad or rather broader then both the germanies : nor is there any nation vnder the cope of heauen so fortunate , nor so aboundant in the delicate iuice of the grape , as this is . the peculiar wines of all our kingdomes of europe , the germaines rhenish , the frenchmans white and claret , the spaniards xeres , malaga , and the canaries , tush , they haue them all here in excesse . the temperature of their bodies are somewhat different from the eat-alls , for these delight in the qualities of heate and drought , whereas the drink-alls especially affect heate and moisture : so that the bordering neighbours doe ieastingly call the eat-alls , blackmen , and kitchin-tenter-bellyes , but the drink-alls they name read-men , and cellerian-tenter-bellyes . but their bodies and their wittes hold both one key in difference : for the drink-alls as they are more ingenious then the eat-alls , so are they much more lasciuious : in their young yeares they are generally very quick witted , but being come to a more grauer age ( especally old age ) they grow so forgetfull , that you shall not haue one amongst twenty that can remember his owne name . the shires of the countrie . chap. . the inhabitants affirme the whole prouince to bee diuided into three counties : the countie of wine-cester , the county of vsque-bathe , and the countie of hoppe-sack , or strong-biera . the first of these , wine-shire , is parted from eat-allia , vpon the westerne verge thereof by the riuer piss-on , a salt current that ebbes and flowes . this riuer runnes round about the dukes palace , and as for the saltnesse , the philosophers of this countrie say it hath it not from the sea , but from an ayrie humor that often-times falls vpon it . the first towne that i came vnto in this region , was called vine-spring , and was in forme of a fiue-angled trencher : it lay downe as farre as vine-prophils , and so some of it became part of the suburbes of cluster-beg , a pretty fine cittie , walled about with stones of the colour of bricke , but some-what deeper of dye . this cittie stands in the bottome of pressing-dale , ( a valley so called ) through the which runnes a delicateriuer called iuice , which passeth along by three or foure pretty citties , ( seated vpon the bankes thereof , most iudiciously , and to the founders eternall commendations ) their names as i remember were tankards-bridge , that was the first , then tunning-trie , then broachingford , & lastly , carousi-kanikin . tunning-try i remember was fotified with a wall of wood , and broaching-ford had neuer but one gate open at once , and that when it was shut , was made fast with nothing but the end of a faggot-stick . there is not in all the world any one riuer comparable to this that runs through these cities ; donaw , thames , volga , seyne , or sir walter rawleys riuer of guiana , put them all in , they are but kennells to this : for besides the pleasing meanders that hee makes in his wanton course , the water is so sweete and delicate , that neither the best europes wine , nor the turkes delicious a zerbeth can possibly goe beyond it . this worthy sonne of the ocean , hath one peculiar fish belongeth vnto it , called a tappe , and this fish will some-times lye by the shore , and spoute a huge deale of the water aloft , ( mary the remaining of it in his belly hath made it some-what more pleasing to the taste then it was before ) and this the inhabitants watch for in boates , and when they get it , make great store of it . this riuer ( as i told you ) passeth through tuning-try : masse i had fotgotten one towne , it goeth from thence to celleridge , ere it come to broaching-ford , and so by broaching-ford passeth directly vnto carousi-kannikin , the prime cittie of the whole prouince . the description of carousi-kanikin , chiefe city of drinke-allia , as also of the fashions and conditions of the drink-alls . chap. . carousi-kanikin , is a name that i vnderstand not , further then that i haue a little light of it from the germaine tongue , but as for the citie , it is built vpon an hill , and carieth the forme of a tankard , from what quarter soeuer you behold it . it is of ancient renowne , and one of the best seated ports for traffique in all the whole land . on the east part it is strongly fortified with barricadoes , and bulwarkes built all of barrels , and the roofes of the houses are most of one and the same manner , tiled with the boords of broken caskes . in the entrance of the gate , from morning vntill night there is placed a double canon of pewter , ( for their lawe commandeth this to bee duly obserued ) the citizens call it the flaggon of hospitalitie , and round about it , are these words engrauen , a aut bibe , aut abi : drinke or bee gone . hee that ariueth , must either lift it all of , or else he is caried before the magistrate , to render accompt of his contumacie . the armes of the citie are aduanced ouer the gate , and they are the three horse-leaches vpon three naked feete , in a bloudy field ; the word , plaenae , quiescimus . being full , we rest . here by a fortunate chance , did i meete with another stranger , a letcheri-tanian borne , who was bound for the citie as well as i , his name he told me was b cinciglion . he ( being acquainted with their fashions ) brought mee secretly by night into the towne , and shewed mee such things as i should neuer haue discouered of my selfe . their buildings are not much vnlike the eat-alls , but that the fronts of their houses are so wholy hidde with spreading vines , that had i not seene the signes hang out on euery side , i would haue sworne i had beene in a vineyard and not in a cittie : in sadnesse it was a pleasant spectacle . in the market place are all the measures hung vp in chaines , sealed with the dukes stampe on their tops , and by them , hangeth a table of the lawes of the land , which you shall haue truely set downe hereafter . the inhabitants go all naked , but for a wreath of vines about their foreheads . but their skins are all carued with figures , and painted after the maner of the ancient picts , and brittons . one hath himselfe drawne into the forme of a centaure , another of a c tragelaphus , a third of a pidgeon ( a terrible drinking byrd ) and you shall haue some painted so perfectly like a flaggon , that if hee set but his hands on his sides you would sweare it were a liuing flaggon . i did see one also so directly in the shape of a whale , that when hee vomited , no man in the world but would haue taken him for a liue whale , spewing vp the ocean . i had a great affection to see the maner of their publike feasts , and yet not bee seene by the citizens . so mine hoste at last agreed to performe my request , and satisfy my longing , mary hee gaue mee , withall , certaine cautions of danger , that might ensue if i were discouered , and likewise informed me in some necessary points of behauiour : so hauing mine instructions about me , i and mine honest hoste , my leader , got vs into the townes hall , in the euening , vnspyed of any . by and by come the feasters , and take their places , iust as the eat-alls doe ( as you haue heard ) onely they had more drinke and lesse meate . euery one had his purueyance at either elbowe , a pisse-pott for his vrine on one side , and a bowle for his vomite on the other . at first , they begin a sacrifice to bacchus , their generall god : not as the romanes did of old , with powring a little wine vpon the ground ; no , no , farre more religiously , and with more stately ceremonies . at the vpper end of the table stands a statue of bacchus , holding in his right hand a monstrous great goblett of such weight , that ( as virgill sayde once ) the left hand is now and then faine to helpe her sister . into this goblet or standing cup , the maister of the ceremonies in the name of the whole company , powres an hoggs-head of wine , ( it holds no lesse i can assure yee ) which passing in pipes as if it were in veines vnto his mouth , and his t'other thing both at once , makes a pretty shew as hee both pissed wine and spewed it , all in one moment . and this is the houre-glasse proportioning the continuance of the feast , for when he leaueth powring out , they must all leaue powring in , and that vpon paine of sacriledge . then sir comes me vp a seruice of shooing-hornes ( do yee see ) of all sorts , salt-cakes , red-herrings , anchoues , & gammons of bacon ( westphalia may goe pipe in an iuie leafe , if it seeke to equall these ) and aboundance of such pullers on . d and then begins the full potts to goe round about the table , and the empty against the walles , so that you cannot possibly tel whether they are sooner filled to be emptied , or emptied to be filled ; but ( as plautus saith of one ) the drinke is sure to go , be it out of can , e quoniam , or iourdan . now when one of them will drinke to another , he first challengeth him with a solemne f ceremoniall song . and then they ioyne hands fast together , and giuing a sound shake or two , the challenger aduanceth his moistened weapon , and blowes it drye : hee may puffe a little , or talke a few gentle words among hands , but the pott is disrobed of his liquor , ere it bee seuered from his gripe : and then the tother answereth him at his owne weapon . the second course is not very dainty , but howsoeuer , they moysten it well with redoubled rouses . then comes the fruite with the third course , and that in truth is very rarely furnished , which being almost finished , and the cloth being now thrust vpon an heape , the maister of the ceremonies cryeth healths , three times with a lowd voyce . i imagined that this had beene a summons to the breaking vp of the companie and was a going hence ; when mine hoast pulled mee by the sleeue , why how now yee sleepie spectator ( quoth hee ) and the feast is scarcely begun ? stay and see the conclusion of it i pray yee : doe yee not see how fast god bacchus his houre-glasse runnes ? so i satte downe againe and stayed . then steps mee out one of the company , and taking of his wreath , downe vpon his knees he goes , ( i thought hee had beene going to his prayers ) and presently calls for a quart pott . an health ( quoth hee ) vnto great bousing-gut ; woolsack , arch-duke of tenbelly , and presently the potte stops his mouth : he drinkes , he puffes , he belches , hee talkes , vntill within a while hee had gulpd downe as many quartes as his name had letters , and when he had done , hee falls a spewing , till all cryed twang againe , and dyes ( as horace said ) the pauement where he stood , with proud lyaean bloud . well , they all follow in order from the highest to the lowest , each one with the same pott , execution , & eiection : proouing him-selfe hereby a faithfull citizen , and ( which is more ) a strenuous emptykan . this past , vpstarts another , with this catch , a health to you and vs , this day , and health to all drink-allia , seasoning his song with many a goodly belche , and so downe vpon hi● mary-bones , & vp with the pott hand-smooth , the deuill a bone finds hee in the drinke . after him they must all follow wo be to him that hangs anarse . this showre ouer-blowen , out steps a third , and hee aduanceth a quarte of plumpe lyaeus to the health of all the quagmirists ( which is the generall name of the nobility ) of the most famous and eternall citie of carousi-kanikin ; briefly , after him they goe , and thus euery man in order brings in his foundation of a new round . now euery man hauing his share , they must each one in his order ( poxeon't , that madded mee ) goe play the g poet , out of the inspiration of bacchus onely ( the muses may go hang for any roome they haue here ) & herein according to the old maner that plutarch speaketh of , euery one sings his song , & insteed of his harpe , he had a knife and a quart pot , and truly they plaid fine musick on it . one , in his song commended his mistresse , another , the goodnesse of the wine , a third related all the passages betwixt him and his wife at home , so that it m●de mee remember t●at old saying of laberius : ebriulati mentem hilarem accipiunt . when wines effect the braine doth binde , then mirth doth caper in the minde . an other rimed all in satyre against one that was not at this drinking : and euery one ( mee thought ) kept h anacreons measures ; ( like will to like quoth the deuill to the collier . ) but in the meane time , while these songs were a singing , it was a world to see their seuerall behauiours , euery man had his humor to himselfe : you should see one , for very pure loue , weeping in his fellowes bosome , and another sitte a kissing of his companion , one setting his mouth on the racke with laughter ( wise were the man that could tell at what , ) another downe vpon all foure in deuotion to bacchus , a third swaggering & swearing godts hundred thousand tufels , because the bowle of wine was brought him no sooner ; a fourth arguing of religion and matter of state : & here in a corner you should haue a fift sit nodding and slauering , it would doe a blind-mans heart good to see him . but now at the beginning of the feast , because they are generally so slippery of memory that they quickly forget what they haue to doe , they haue a publike notary , whom they call i clarke of the wind-pipe , and he registers euery perticular carouse , and so files them vp for common records : what each man hath drunke , and vnto whom ; which done after supper hee readeth them to the company ( if any man be awake to heare them ) pottle-gulp . vnto swolne-gut . — iii. gallons . swolne-gut . vnto gultche . — iiii . gallons ½ dry-mouth . vnto lurtch-cup . — iii. pottles . draw-large . vnto broken-belt . — vii pottles ½ sup-it-off . vnto full-brink . — halfe an hogshead concordat cum originali . p. skinker . if any one haue failed in the taking of his liquour , hee must forth-with make present satisfaction , ( if hee bee able ) otherwise , at the next meeting hee is sure to pay sound interest for his forbearance . well the roll being read , and the houre-glasse runne all out : mary quoth i to mine host but how will they get home now ? that maruell i at most . oh well inough sir ( quoth hee ) feare ye not . do yee not see those ropes there in the court , that are fastned vnto them iron rings ? these , their seruants ( who may not touch a droppe of wine till the feast bee done ) beeing so sober as to know euery one his owne rope , doe take hold of , and the other end of it beeing fastned to their maisters dore , so draw themselues and their maisters both in one cart , directly home , for these ropes are as good vnto them as a thred in a labyrinth . masse you say true ( quoth i ) but what if one should come in the meane-time and tie the ropes further end to a wrong dore ? why doe you thinke ( quoth hee smiling ) that any one wakes this night ? yet i haue known it done , & the cart go to a wrong house and the man to another mans wife ; who perhaps beeing as drunke as hee , neuer discouers the matter vntill next day at noone ; and then , that which they ignorantly committed , they doe wittingly laugh at : for it is a principle here , that a drunken man can neuer offend , for it is the effects of bacchus , that hee is but instrument vnto , and nothing else . but i remembred that place of lucian ; bacchus neuer biddes them drinke more then they neede . of the knights of the golden tun , and of the lawes of this citty . chap. . in the townes hall , ( properlie called gulpers court ) there hangeth vp that ancient embleme of the order of their knights , the golden ●unne ; hee that can drinke this vessell thrice off and goe his waies without indenting , for this good seruice is presently knighted by the great duke himselfe , & hath a chaine of extraordinary value bestowed vpon him besides . these knights haue a large charter , and are allowed many goodly priuiledges ; they haue absolute commaund in al tauernes , & at al tables . they may furnish so many soldiours in pewter-coates out of any mans celler in the towne , gratis ; and besides they haue full authority to set what limmets they please vnto euery mans pot-licking . these hardy men haue great conflicts at euery sollemne meeting ( as the a sword-plaiers had in rome ) their weapons are full charged cuppes , and hee that carrieth most of them away cleere , is conquerour , and leads the rest about the towne ( if they can goe ) in triumph . and this is their triall of the victory . if hee can put his finger iust into the flame of the candle without playing hit-i-misse i , let him spew whole fish-ponds , hee is held a sober man. now gentle reader will i present thee with the lawes both of carousi-kanikin , and of all drink-allia : read and if thou wilt not laugh , choose . it is decreed , and absolutely enacted , by the high and mighty duke of tenter-belly , and the whole states both of eat-allia and drink-allia . . that all promises , othes , bills , bonds , indentures or any other conueyances whatsoeuer , made , or caused to bee made in the after-noone , bee vtterly voide and of none effect . . that no man of what state or degree soeuer hee bee , haue his cuppes priuate vnto himselfe , vpon paine of drinking two daies , after in a fire-shouell ? . that if any one cast away any snuff , but meere froath , he be forthwith enioyned to goe downe vpon his knes and lick vp the otherwise perrishing liquor . . that euery one pledge his challenger in the same cup , and on the same fashion , vpon paine of beeing debarred from drinke two daies after . . that the pottes in banquets bee either alwaies full , or empty : the waiter that presents a pot halfe filled , and the person that takes it shal be both guiltie of breach of goodfellowship . . that hee that beeing sober shall strike him that is drunk , be immediate disabled for euer giuing testimony in any cause whatsoeuer : but the drunken man striking the sober shal be acquitted . . that he that being sober shall robbe him that is drunke , bee forbidden wine for euer : and if he kill him , he shal be put to death by thirst . . that hee that shall speake euill of the duke of tenter-belly , as in saying , god send him a dry health , or so , bee held guilty of high treason . . that hee whome either nature or sicknesse hath made abstinent ; bee banished the land . . that hee that goeth from any publique meeting , without staggering , bee accompted a malefactor in the highest degree . . that all that stay three daies in the cittie , doe offer sacrifice vnto bacchus . . that the calling of a citizen theefe or whore-maister , beare no action , that to call him abstayner , shal be lyable to the lawe . . that hee that mixeth water with his wine , bee sent to suppe amongst the dogs . . that hee that sweareth by bacchus , and keepeth not his word , bee vtterly disabled from making any will , and bearing any witnesse . . that hee that striketh with a pot ▪ and either spilleth the wine , or breaketh the pot , bee enioyned to touch neither pot nor wine for foure and twenty houres after . ouer the portall of the hall were these verses written . the house of youthfull mirth , and lusty cheere : peace , wine , sport , rest , haue al their mansions here . subscribed stillyard . the artes , and military discipline of the drink-alls . chap. . the people of this prouince are almost all bleere-eyed , and troubled with the palsie , with goodly chowles about their necks and chinnes whereof the mountainers of the alpes and the pyrenaeian hills are so proud . they are very good painters , when drinke and age hath made their hands to quiuer , that you would thinke verylie ( as lucian saith ) that hee were sober that did it , when indeed hee is as foxt as forty beggers . they haue also some poets amongst them , whom their principall neuer crowneth with lawrell ( because that tree is a foe vnto the vine ) but all with iuye : these poets are the very off-scum of the basest rascally rabble , i am as much greeued that they should beare that so sacred a name , as antigenides in apuleius was , that horne-blowers should be called cornetiers . they are the veriest lacklatines , and the most vn-alphabeticall raggabashes that euer bred lowse : they cannot make two rimes in their mothers tongue in two houres , and yet these shake-ragges liue by other mens trenshers , filling all the tauernes in the town with epithalamiums , elegies , and epitaphes , your eares would blister to heare them , these are they that haue the managing of maskes , and the disposing of pageants and haue the same sway ouer the vses of balets that the knights of the tunne haue ouer the barrells . they had but one good poet ( as it is said ) in an whole age , and hee was starued to death for telling truth out of season . they goe often to warre , in assistance of the eat-alls ; but they neuer goe armed , not so much as with an irish steel-coate , a shurt on their backes ; their lances are sapplins of elmes , sharpned and dried at the ends in the fire , but yet notwithstanding ( for stand well they cannot ) it is admirable to behold both their valour in fight and their fortune in conquest . indeede they haue a law that none must goe sober to the field , so that the wine maketh them as bold and valiant as lyons , and you know full well , audaces fortuna iuuat , fortune helpes the forward . the funeralls of one of the chiefe quagmyrists : and the sacrifices of bacchus . chap. . the same night that i was a spectator of their more then rambling reuells , one of the quagmyrists , whose house was of some height , beeing loose in the breech , intending to goe thether whether neither pope nor emperour can send an embassador , and being truely tapp-shackled , mistooke the window for the dore , so stepping rashly on , downe hee came with the wrong end forward , and in plaine english , broake his neck . his funeralls were very ritchly set forth : i can tell , for i was at them . euery man was died , all ouer with black , and for that day ware a cypresse wreath , in steed of his vines . the body was not layd in a coffin , nor vpon an hearse , as we vse , but being put into a caske halfe full of wine was so borne to the graue , and when hee came there , it was to lie rather in a cesterne of sacke , then in a graue of earth , and to bee drowned rather then buried . for whereas the romanes vsed to cast balls of frankincence vpon the pile wherein the bodie was burnt , they did not so here , but each one powred his kanne of wine into the graue , and bidding thrise adieu most sweete and corpulent countriman , put finger in their eye , wept some quart of rheume and to it they went , hand in hand to the tauerne . this quagmirist it seemes was well esteemed amongst them , for hee had a statue erected him in bacchus his court , and vnder it these two verses in faire romane letters . although he tooke his window for his dore his valiāt death shal make his honor more . and vpon his graue they set vp a pritty obeliske , and a brazen flaggon on the top of it , with these verses carued round about it . a by wine i liu'd , and wine me kild , men say : for being sober , i could nere see day . gone is my flesh , yet thirst lies in the bone : giue me one rouse my freind , and get thee gone . farewell fellow tosse-pots . now had i staid too daies in this towne , without euer beeing demanded what i was , but then mine host came and told mee , my friend quoth hee , you haue had a faire reign ; if you stay one day longer , you must perforce do sacrifice vnto god bacchus : i may not conceale you further vnlesse you would haue mee forsworne . no , quoth i ? what custome is that i pray you that you are so strictly bound vnto ? tell mee the course , and i le either performe it and staie longer , or els i le get mee presently gone , and ridde vs both from future danger . well sir ( saies hee ) saw yee not the statue of bacchus yesterdaie in gulpers court , and the huge goblet hee holdeth , wherein they powred the wine that runnes out at two passages ? yes that i did . well then , you must set your mouth to one of them ( choose you which ) and suck vntill yee bee able to stand no longer , but fall flat to the ground , and so must you lie vnder the spout , wallo-wing in the wine , vntill all bee runne out vpon you . how like you this ? faith not altogither so delightfull ( quoth i ) but i pray tell mee , was there euer any strangers that offered this sacrifice ? all , all , ( quoth hee ) not a man nor a mans taile escapes it , but to it hee must , maugre his beard ; some will come spiritfullie to it , but others are faine to bee haled to their teate , like a beare to the stake . well sir ( quoth i ) but i le be iogging hence : onelie i would intreate yee to informe mee which country in this tract is next in dignitie vnto this of yours and worthiest of trauell . so faith hee told mee : hot-waters quoth hee ) is the best , some call it liguour-ardente , it is vnder the gouernment of sir limbeck stillitorye , a knight of the noble familie of the king-cuppes : and so ledde mee forth , shewed mee the way , as plaine as dunstable roade , and then curteouslie gaue mee the bascio los manos , and i thankt him heartily for his valienado , and parted . of hot-watrea , or licor-ardente , and of the pilgrimage of saint borachio . chap. now gan i all alone to take my way towards the north , leauing the riuer of ●roath , behinde mee , vntill i came at a spewers-burie , the filthiest towne that euer i saw since my mother cradeled my head . well i staid not long there ( i had not neede ) but on i passed vntill i came to coopers-nor-ton , a pretty well seated village , but not a droppe of water was to bee got in it for loue nor money : the reason is ( as i heard afterward ) least they should mixe it with the wine and so prooue euill common-wealths men . onelie this i must tell the reader : by the way , for i promise yee it put mee often to a shrewd putther , i was as much troubled with pottes and flaggons in my iourney , as the traueller that hath farre to goe , is with the spanish and italian crosses : i could neuer goe three miles to an end , but i should finde a bouncing tankard : kenneld vnder an arch , and drinke i must needes , no gain-saying the lawes of the lands holie hospitality : at last i ouertooke a traueller , in an old tatterd cassocke of haire-cloath , bare-foote and bare-head . i demaunded whether hee went so fast . sir ( quoth hee ) i haue vndertaken a long pilgrimage vnto saint borachio of bottles-brooke . i wondered at this new name , and this as yet vndiscouered pilgrimage , so i questioned him at large of the country , of this townes situation , and discipline , and finally of the vertues of this borachio . bottles-brooke sir ( quoth hee ) is seated in the confines of hot-watria , and let cheritania , and is of great fame through out both the soiles . besides diuers other ancient monuments in the towne there is a temple of bacchus fiery-face , they call it the chappell ardent , where a ritch and rare statue of his is erected , not like a grown man as else-where it is , but of an informed birth , iust as his father tooke him from the burning womb of semele , so is it , hauing beene long ago so cut , out of the hard rocke of rubies . the top of this temple is al set with carbunickles ▪ & golden sparks , most ritch to behold , & from the embowed arch there drops they say , a kinde of hot fuming liquour ( as the b cataracts doe in some places of mar del zur ) and is receiued into a borachio that standes placed accordinglie , whose vertue is such , that if one drinke a large draught of it with good deuotion , he shall neuer in all his life after be either drunke before noone , or a thirst before midnight : both which helpes may doe mee much good , for i am a man so employed in my countrie , that i can neuer lye in my bed vntill mid-night for thirst , nor neuer rise in the morning but before noone i am drunke and fast a sleepe againe . therefore haue i gone this three dayes without drinking at all , ( saue that i dranke one dish of water this morning ) because i would merite the more of this holy saint borachio when i come there ; nor dares any man importune mee to drinke , or any in my company as long as i weare this weede . bir-lady sir you must thinke i was not meanly glad of so good a priuiledge , and therefore i intreated both his company and patronage . well , wee went chatting on , vntill i obseruing the soile altered , asked him where we were now . this country ( quoth he ) euer since wee came ouer the lake metheglin , is called the c countie of vsquebath , being the first shire of hott-watria : it is not so well husbanded , but it is farre more fertile then our country of wine-cester , exceeding both in fatnesse of soile and purenesse of ayre . so when i heard the name i vnderstood presently both the originall and the definition thereof . vsquebathia , because they drinke there vsque ad 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , euen to the bottome : there are other deriuations thereof , but those i leaue vnto the six wits to censure of . the people of this nation are generally fulsome and slouenly , and of a continuall fearce and terrible aspect ( vnlesse they be drunke ) yet they vsed mee very kindly for my religious pilgrims sake ( as they are very much giuen to superstition ) who lodged with me the first night in the common hospitall of an obscure little cittie ( i forgot the name ) yet we lay very quietly , for wee found all the towne dead drunke at our comming , and left them so at our parting , much other matter past vs , but i leaue it as vnworthy of regarde . at length through many craggie , fennie , woody passages , wee ariued at a famous port towne , called puerto d' aqua forte . now quoth i ( being as weary as a dog ) whether goe we now ? is not this bottlesbroke ? o lord no quoth he : but cheere vp your selfe , we haue not a foote of ground more to passe vntill we bee there , all the rest of our iourney lyes by water : which when we haue passed , we shall coast a little by the pleasant shores of hott-watria , and presently we are at bottlesbroke : ( this country is like denmarke parted into two by the sea , & that was the cause of our crossing the water . well , to ship we went , and away : by this time imagine vs in the midst of the sea : well , my heart is cold yet to thinke but what a danger wee escaped there : for looke yee sir , our mariners were all drunke to a haire , not a man could guide himselfe , if hee might haue a kingdome . one was a sleepe at the sterne : another going about to row , had palinures destinie , and fell ouer-boord , whō two more seeking to hale vp again , had not we two held thē , had both falne after . a third falls into choller , & laieth a fourth ouer the pate for not helping his fellow : he st●ikes againe , & to it they go , fight beare fight dogge : and all the rest diuided themselues on two sides . now flew the pondrous oares about their eares , and clubbs and pumpe-staues , all their armes appeares , the water was quiet , and euery one vsed his oare in the aire . but indeed they are easily knockt downe , whose ham-strings bacchus hath already cut in two . flat they lay , all but a couple of conquerors , who being too late weary of the massacre , fell vpon vs two , laying all the blame vpon vs. but wee two , scorning to bee put downe by two walking tankards , got vp a couple of cudgels , and gaue them their due , disarmed them , bound them fast to the mast , and plaide the sailers our selues . but our boat ( sympathizing belike with hir ancient maisters the drunkards ) did so welter from side to side , that had not aeolus sent vs a strong gale , and forced the boate on against hir will , wee had laide our bones in the bottome of those seas , for ought that i saw , and my religious fellow had neuer seene saint borachio . as we sailed on , i descried a farre of , on the left hand , a certaine high iland couered with snow , and asking him how he called it , it is ( quoth he ) the frozen iland , where bacchus liued for feare of his step-dames wrath , when hee was young : and the inhabitants vsing him churlishly , and at length chasing him by force from thence , his father being offended , laid a plague of perpetuall snow and darknesse vpon them . but whence is that smoake i see a farre of ? that smoake comes out of mount denis , wherein the soules of such as either liued too soberly , or killed themselues desperately , are purified by fire ; and there they burne , vntill some of their liuing friends go in pilgrimage to chappell ardent for a bottle of st. borachios water , & powring that vpon their tombe , they are freed . i smiled at this , and thought , now surely i haue found the originall of purgatorie ; let abbat odilo , and his monkes of corunna tell mee neuer so many tales of mount aetna , and many good morrows : 't is here or 't is no where . well , at length we came a shore , and found it a pretty sweete towne in truth ( to giue it the due ) marry it was both paued with bottles , and roofed with letherne bougets . i doe not remember i saw any attificer in all the towne but letherne iack-makers , and taylors for bottle-cases ; so that now i saw what vtterance the eat-alls had for their hides . the reason is , the men of this towne and country , vse no pure wine , as the other drink-alls doe , but certaine distilled waters mixt with the strongest grape they can get , which are so forcibly hott , that the brittle glasse cannot hold them , and therefore they are driuen to fortifie their bottles with letherne ierkins , riuerted together with pitch and rosen . the citizens are fiery of face , and cholericke of condition , enuious , suspicious , paralitique , and of a staggering manner of pace in their going : but that which is most terrible of all , they drinke and they breath nothing but meere flames . as much cold water , or scarr-gut , as one of vs will drinke , so much fire will one of them take : that a man would verily imagine when hee saw them , that they were so many fire-drakes , or saint georges dragons . i was in danger of water before , but now i feared nothing but that i should be stifled with fire . so that i left my companion in his orisons vnto bacchus ( i loued him well , but i loued my selfe better ) the very next morning i got me out of this vulcans shop , for so it was , and a very cyclops forge , rather then a citie of bacchus . now being vpon my way , i began to resolue with my selfe to passe by the verges of lecheritania back againe , and so to see some-what of the fashions of the a hop-sackers , the third countie of drink-allia ; but iust as i was plodding on with this thought in my head , rushes mee forth an ambush of armed sheelandresses ( you heard of shee-landt before ) besette mee , tooke mee , and carryed mee prisoner ( the more vnfortunate i ) a long and toylesome iourney , euen to the chiefe cittie of the land , called gossipingoa . i would not haue the reader take any vnkindnesse at my hands for omitting the rest of drink-allia , for as my pilgrim told me , it is the basest part of the land , this countie of hop-sack ; and but that it is more beast-like , different in nothing from the others which you heard described before . finis lib. . the second booke . the description of shee-landt , or womandeçoia . of the situation and the parts thereof . chap. . the new discouered womandeçoia , ( which some mistaking both name and nation ) call wingandecoia , & make it a part of virginia ) otherwise called shee-landt , lieth in that part of the southerne continent , which our geographers of europe a called psytacorum regio , the land of parrots . on the north side it boundeth vpon letcheritania ( a nation that is a great enemy to it ) on the south , vpon thriuingois : on the east , vpon the two fooliana's , the fickle and the fatte . the soile thereof is very fruitfull , but b badly husbanded : it is diuided into many prouinces , both large and ritch , yet all of seuerall conditions , habites and languages . the principall of them are these ; tattlingen scoldonna , blubberick , gigglot-angir the high and the lowe ; cockatrixia , shrewes-bourg , and blackswanstack , otherwise called modestiana . not farre from these is also an iland called i le hermaphrodite , or more properly , double-sex . many of these prouinces did i passe through , sore against my will i le bee sworne . but to speake the truth , tattlingen is the best country of all the rest , & hath many faire cities in it , as pratlingople , tales-borne , & lyps-wagg , through the last of which there runneth a great riuer called slauer , which some-times will ouer-flow the bankes , and drowne all the lower part of the country , which they call chinn-dale , but the countrimen haue now deuised very strong rampires of bones and bend lether , to keepe it from breaking out any more , but when they list to let it out a little now & then for scouring of the channell . but of all the citties of tattlingen , or of all shee-landt , gossipingoa is the principall . thether was i brought , and deteined a great deale longer then stood with my good liking : i will ( for passing away a little time vntill the capon bee enough , we haue nothing else to do ) discourse the whole progresse of their dealing with mee here , and then i le goe on with the conditions of this new nation . how the gossipingoesses vsed the author of this discouerie . chap. . as soone as these cruell conqueresses had taken mee vpon the borders of lecheritania , they brought mee away to their chiefe city , & so to the court , told a bell and presently all the inhabitants came flocking thether in a trice , & began to prie more narrowly vpon mee who stood bound sure enough ( god wot ) for offering them any false measure . at length , one of the rout , ( their captainesse it seemed shee was ) gaue a signe to the rest to be silent ( as she had need ) and then bespake the company thus . what , or of whence this fellow is , i doe not know , onely wee tooke him in the confines of yonder damned country letcheritania , and seeing they haue offered vs so much iniury , i hold it very fitte now ( if it bee not too late ) to begin to take reuenge of them , and first with this prisoner . now she hauing made an end , i got leaue ( with much a doe for noise ) to speake , & so declared my nation , and the cause of my wandring as well as i could , and told her womanship that for my part i had not any acquaintance at all in letcheritania , i was one that wished her madam-hood and all hir sex all the good i could , and that it would derogate much from her nature , clemencie , and from the honor of her iust gouernment to condemne an innocent pilgrim , and one that had not offended , without hearing of his cause . well these good words i can tel yee wrought so prettily well , that the poore yong wenshes began many of them to weepe : yet the old countesses were not so much ouer-swaied by mine oration , but that i must to prison to a great house in the market place called cold and comfortlesse , vntill my country and cause of trauell were truely manifested vnto the shee-counsell . well to warde i went , and but that my countries name ( the a true paradice of women ) pleaded for mee , i had neuer come home aliue , for all the lecheritanians that they take , they either faire hange vp , or els put them vnto most slauish offices in this prison . herein plaging them for their iniuryes offered ; for that nation , although it bee most lasciuious , yet it rūneth a madding eirher after whore , or els in bestiality , either neglecting their wiues vtterly , or els keeping them continuall prisoners through mad-braind ielousie . o how many noble captaines did i see here wearing out their liues in spinning , carding woll and knitting ? faith at length , for my countries sake , i had my liberty , but not without an oth for i was brought to iunos altar , and there laying my hand on the same , tooke a sollemn oth to obserue all these conditions following . . that i should neuer goe about to iniure this noble sexe by word nor deed . . that i should neuer interrupt a woman in her tale . . that wher-soeuer i liued , i should leaue the rule of the house to my wife . . that i should neuer more come in letcheritania , for it is the common phrase here , many go thether good men , but come away againe euill husbands . . that i should neuer aime at more then the loue of one . . that i should neuer bewray my wiues secrets . . that i should neuer deny my wife any womans ornaments . . that i should continually giue women the prick and praise for beauty , wit and eloquence , and defend it against all men . this oth i b willingly tooke , & would haue taken one ten times stricter , rather then haue staied there . so therefore you see my tongue is tyed by mine oth , not to tell all the fine conundrums that i saw among these mad wenches . somewhat i may say , but no harme , no more i would in truth , if i had not beene sworne at all . their formes of gouernment , and elections of persons of state . chap. . their state ( for ought that i could obserue ) is popular ; each one seeking superiority , and auoyding obedience . they haue no lawes at all , but do euery thing by the numbers of voices . but the giuing vp of their voices struck me into a wonder , being vnacquainted therewith for they set vp a erie all together , none giues eare , but each one yells as if shee were horne mad . is not this able to abash a good mans spirit . they hold a continuall parliament about their more weighty affaires of state , so that erasmus were he aliue now , would be able to giue a strong testimony of womens turning sutors . now this continuance is necessary because of their lawes vncertainty : for the decrees of this day , may bee all disanulled to morrow , but the same day they cannot , least their law-giuers should seeme vnconstant in their edicts . euery ones voice is alike in worth , the whole citty thorow , but not euery ones dignity , for they haue a set number of chosen women , they call them grauesses , & these haue the authority of most honor in each particular citie : but they are not borne to this dignity , but elected either for their beauty , or their eloquence , for by these two are all elections ordered . they had once a custome to elect these grauesses by voices , but afterwards , euery one giuing her voice onely for her selfe , it bred a confusion , & so made them abolish that maner of election : and then they made a decree that only those should haue the sway in this enuious contention , who would professe themselues neither faire nor eloquent . but this brought all to such a passe that in the whole multitude of them , you should not find one that would be electresse , the elder sort holding that they had the eloquence , and the yonger standing as firme in it that they had the beauty . at length they all agree to passe ouer these places of electresses vnto twelue of the most aged matrons of old mumpington ( a ruinous village hard by ) and so they did , giuing them the glorious title of c electresses grauessiall , to set them the more a gogge to performe their charges . and besides this honorable stile , the hony of age , wealth and abundance , comes continually vpon thē ; for the ambitious young wenshes will so bribe and ply them with giftes , to haue their voices at the day of election , that i hold there is not a court either more corrupt in giuing voices , or more wealthy in giuen ritches . in stead of scepters and swordes , the grauesses haue fannes and glasses borne before them : huge christall glasses , and still as they passe through the streetes , they pranke vp their attires by the sayd glasses , and set all their gew-gawes in order as they go along . the originall of the shee-landresses . chap. . there are few shee-landresses borne in this nation , but such as either will needes weare their husbands breeches , or els such as their husbands iealousie will needs either banish or make prisoners , those runne flocking from all parts hether . now all such as are their husbands maisters , and are therevpon banished for their vniust clayme vnto soueraignty : these are assigned to inhabite the frontiers of shee-landt especially in the countries of shrewes-bourg , and there they are all put in garrison . but as for those that are voluntarie exiles , they are generally of meeke and vnmanly spirits , and these are seated in the heart of the land , to become votaresses to peace and to beautie , and yet you need neuer dreame that this weale-publike ( how euer weakely founded ) should go to ruine for want of perticuler members : and i le tell you why : there are so many voluntaries , ( especially free women ) come to this campe , that the feare is that rather here will want roome for new inhabitants , then otherwise . truely i am in a great perplexity least my country women should haue any vnderstanding of this state : for if they haue , wee may goe snicup for any female that will bide amongst vs , but all will away , wee should not haue one big belly left to lay the foundation for a future age by , and therefore i pray you sir ( whosoeuer you be ) as you loue the preseruation of our linage and the generall multiplication of mankinde , bee silent in this so important a secret : for it lies vs all vpon to keepe it vndiscouered from our giddie females , vnlesse wee can find a better meanes of generation . of gygglot-tangyr . chap. . at gossipingoa , i got ( besides my freedome ) the cities letters , for my passe-port , and so from thence i tooke my way towards giglot-tangire , a country lying vpon the south part of womandecoia , towardes letcheritania ; the land of it selfe in this part , is the worlds paradise : i was not many leagues from loues-den , the first towne of this county , when i entred into an ayre as delicatly sented , as if all the perfumers in england ( doe yee see ) had lately plaied their prizes there for eternal soueraignty : the whole country round about is so stuft with apothecaries , and a pomendrificoes . the rest i omit . the women of this wapentake are generally tall , gracefully adorned , and ( were it not that they practise the art of cheeke-oyling ouer much ) very beautifully . they weare nothing on their faces , nor on their breasts : as for the rest of their habite , it is faire in shew , light in weight , and easie to mount , as is the aire . but their naked parts are so crusted ouer with ouer-grosse painting , ( as they vse in muscouia ) that you would verily imagine , you saw some statue on a westminster tombe , rather then a liuing creature , such a cart loade of false colours ensconce their fairest beauties . the women of b shames-graue , ( for so they call the shire towne of gigglot-tangire ) haue their houses made all of muscouia glasse , as transparent as ayre : and it is labour lost to seeke any of them at home , vnlesse you make your inquest immediately vpon their dressing time , or some what before : but lay your plot to seeke them at a play-house , or in a tauerne , or so , and it stands vpon a good foundation : for there you are sure to finde your femall , either a laughing , a singing , c a dancing , or vpon some such employment in state . you neuer saw spider contriue a more artificiall net for a flie , then these women do for the lecheritanians ( how euer their countries deadly enemies ) yet some of these men serue their desires as voluntaries , for prouant , and preferment . others , they lay their ambushes for , and fetch them in first by loose allurements , then by praiers , and then by pence , and if none of these meanes will worke , they compell them to serue their wanton desires by force . and when they haue done so , iust as you see stallion horses kept for breede , so are they stowed into custody , dieted with eringo's , potatoes , cullises , and other dishes of lusts deuising , vntill venus send her second summons . this i no sooner heard , but i hated , and no sooner hated it , but i auoided it as neither daring presume of my learning , nor policy , but that i knew my selfe neither for proper young man , nor very fine gentleman ( none dispraised ) i otherwise durst not haue hazarded mine honesty vpon so slight foundations . but you may see ; it is sometimes good to want a good face : and those things with many a man doth oftentimes blame nature most for , may at one time or other stand him in more stead then her greatest benefits in ordinary estimations . of double-sex i le , otherwise called skrat or hermophradite iland . chap. . not farre from guaon , the last i le of the moluccaes , betweene cape hermose , and cape beach , lies double-sex i le , much like vnto our ile of man on the coast of lancashire . in this i le nature hath so orderly disposed all things to one forme , that i could finde no one plant in all the soile but was of a double kinde ; no tree , but beare two kinde of fruites or one fruite of two seuerall kindes & names : there was your peare-apple , your cherry-damsen , your date-alimond , your chestnut-fylberd , and a thousand of these conclusions of nature . yea in so much that the very inhabitants of the whole iland wore all their habits as indices of a coaptation of both sexes in one . those that bare the most man about them , wore spurres , bootes and britches from the heeles to the hanshes : and bodies , rebatoes and periwigges from the crupper to the crowne : and for those that were the better sharers in woman kind , they weare doublets to the rumpe , and skirts to the remainder . nay their very names bare notes of their perticipations of either side : there was mary-philip , peter-alice , iane-andrew , and george-audry , and many more that i remember not . all of their owne nation that haue not shewn themselues perfect both in begetting , & bringing forth , are made slaues to the rest : & when they take any that are but simply of one sexe , lord what a coile they keepe about thē , shewing them as prodigies & monsters , as wee doe those that are borne double-headed , or other such deformed birthes . their onely glory which they esteeme most , is that in their conceite they haue the perfection of nature amongst them alone , of all the world besides them . for seeing nature ( say they ) hath bestowed two hands , two feete , two eyes , two eares and two nosthrills to euery meaner perfect bodie , why should not the most excellent creature of all be perfect in two sexes also ? and againe : the ancient sacrificers to cybele , and the pathiques of old rome were faine to vse forced meanes for that which wee haue giuen vs by nature . thus are they wont to protect their deformities : and truely you may obserue in them all , a besides their shapes , both a mans wit , and a womans craft . they haue no cattle in this countrie but mules nor any wild beasts but hares . they liue most vpon shel-fish , for that is their best and most ordinary sustenance . of shrewes-bourg . chap. . in my returne from the confines of gigglot-tangia , beeing now vpon the most westerne angle of the same , i light ( iust as my staffe fell ) into the country of shrewes-bourg , the onely garrison of this feminine gouernment , and the onely defence it hath against forreigne incursions . now the country fearing no foe but the letcheritanians ( for the thriuingois are a quiet nation and neuer will offer to molest them , and the foolianders cannot though they would ) doe therefore place their fortes and townes of garrison vpon the easterne frontiers of letcheritania . here was i truely guld ; for espying persons in the habites of men , masse thought i , this is good , i am now gotten out of womendecoia : but when all came to all , i was flat cousned with a borrowed shape : for in this countrie women weare britches , and long beards , and the men goe with their chinnes all naked , in kirtles and peticoates ; spinning and carding wooll , whilest their wiues discharge the maine affaires of the state . in this tract is an ancient and ample towne seated , generally called pepuzia , and i do not thinke but a pepuzian heretiques were of this originall , who held that women should be both princes and priestes as well as men . the barbarians in b aristotles time neuer vsed their women halfe so imperiously as the men are vsed here : i had great compassion vpon their slauery : yes verely had i : the poore snakes dare not so much as wipe their mouthes vnlesse their wiues bidde them : not so much as ( sauing your presence ) goe pisse , nor passe a word with their best friend , but they must first come to their wiues with a writ of quaeso magistra , good mistresse giue me leaue to goe &c. i obserued this custome to bee more strictly looked vnto vpon one certaine daie whilest i was there , then at other times by far : and the reason was , because that while some of the better spirited husbands disdayning to bee chained in this vnmanly subiection by their wiues , had laid a plot amongst themselues to rise on a set night ( as it might bee this night ) in open armes vpon the sudden against wiues , and so shake off this infamous and disgracefull seruitude . this plotte had come to verie good effect had not misfortune crossed it : for one cowardly fellow of their confederacy , beeing threatned by his wife to bee soundly cudgelled for some other priuate escape that hee had made ; to procure himselfe a pardon , went and reuealed all the whole plat-forme of the conspiracie , iust the euening before the night appointed . the women sitte at meate and the men attend , the women sleepe and the men watch ; so doe they scold and fight , whilest the men are faine to beare off with eares , head and shoulders . happy may they call that daie whereon they are not lambeaked before night . i imagined my selfe amongst the turkish slaues , but that these distinction of habites assured mee this was a more base kinde of captiuity . ah what a beastly sight was it to see a distaffe and a spindle in a mans hand , and a sword and buckler in a womans ▪ yet i concealed my dislike as well as i could , desiring but to see without suffering . if any woman vse her husband somewhat gentlier then ordinarie ( as some of them bee tender hearted ) shee is presently informed against , cited to appeare before the court parliament of shrewes-bourg , and there endited of high treason against the state . her next neighbours giue euidence against her with such noise & furie , that it is strange to see how farre they are ouer-borne with impatience . if she be but conuicted by the smallest euidence that is , shee is condemned to this punishment . shee must first change attires with her husband , and then shaue off all her haire , aud so beeing ledde through the market place must stand for one whole daie vpon the pillorie , as an obiect vnto all the fleering scoffes of the beholders , nor shall the man escape scot-free , for beeing so audacious , as to take the fauours offred by his wife without a modest refusall : but when the woman comes home ( be shee all couered with durt , graines , rotten-egges , &c. ) she may not put off her vesture vntill shee bring a cudgell into the court , all died with the fresh bloud of her husbands broken pate . he that out-liueth his wife , must either marry his maide and bee sworne to her seruice as hee was to his former wiues , or els hee must become slaue to the next neighbours wife . for no man may bee the ruler of his owne house , in this country : when the wife goeth forth , either to warres , consultations , or for pleasure , she leaueth her keyes , & therewithal her gouernment vnto her maide , or her daughter : either of which if the husband but once mutter against , his shoulders are sure to pay for it soundly at his wiues returne , vnlesse hee can either begge or buy the silence of the deputie gouernesse . they a neuer lie with their husbands but when prouander prickes them : for that ( they hold ) would procure too much familiarity , notwithstanding if the husband arise not out of his cabbin in the entry before the wife bee warme in her bedde , and comming vppe staires bare-foote , knock thrise gentlie at her chamber dore , and offer her his seruice in a soft voice hee is sure to haue on the rubbes the next day . the women of this tract obserue a fashion directly contrary vnto ours , for they b clip their haire and let their nailes grow long . there are also certaine amongst them that are proffessitrixes of the noble science , and keepe free schooles , wherein the rest are taught al the wards offensiue and defensiue , both of heeles , nailes and teeth : as also the most exact and iudiciall method of clawing off the skinne of mens faces , pulling out eyes ; byting of armes , wringing of eares , and tearing of beards : these lectures they are instructed in both by precept and practise . now you would thinke it incredible if i should tell you of the neatenesse of their houses , yet the men are all their drudges to wash , wipe , scoure and sweepe all that is done : yea and dresse all the meate besides : so that i imagine that it is but mans esteeme of the vndecencie of such businesses , ( not any of his vnablenesse to discharge them ) that maketh him eschue such employments . there is no foule spot to bee found in any house here , sauing on the mens clothes , but those are so filthie that they are true notes how they neglect themselues as much as the women neglect them ; notwithstanding goe but abroad into the fieldes ( which are the womens charge to see to ) and there you shall finde all most beastlie : the verie walls of the citties are halfe downe and that which standeth is so disgracefullie framed , that the verie stones seeme to begge to bee at mans dispose , and to abhorre the ordering of womankinde . i know gentle reader thou maruelest much how i gotte safelie away from such a daungerous place , and from so mischieuous a forme of gouernment . faith i le tell thee truely , mine age , my habite , and good aduise were my patrons in all this perrilous aduenture . my habite was manlike , my face womanlike ( for i had yet no beard ) and besides i met a many of my owne countrimen ( a strange chance in a region so vnknowne ) whom i knew by sight as well as the begger knowes his dish ▪ verily i did , and these ( like true friends at need ) gaue me such good directions , that ( as aeneas did by sybilla ) i following their aduises got at length ( though with much toile and daunger ) through all the dirty fennes of c blubber-ick , ouer the mushrumpallian mountaines , and so finally into the confines of fooliana . but now you may come vpon me with another question , and aske me why i trauelled not in that part when the modestinians , the women of black swan-mark had their habitation . truely i hold my selfe infortunate in that one thing alone , that i could not come to see their state as well as the rest , seeing that my minde presageth vnto me , that it excelleth all the fore-named . there is such a people my friend i tell thee plaine : but the region wherein they inhabit i could neuer come to discouer , onely the name i brought from their ancient chronicles of the other states , and that as i sayd is d black-swan-marke . indeed there are some of them that liue as anchoresses , and hermitesses in the craggie deserts of some other parts of shee-landt , but their habitations are generally vnknowne , and almost inaccessible : these notwithstanding are the monestaries , whether ( as it is reported ) the fairest , chasest , and most zealous of the shee-landresses doe voluntarily retire themselues : hee that will take the paines to search those vast deserts , may questionlesse meete with some of those holy votaresses : i light by chance of one or two of them , whose variety of vertues , beauties and behauiours haue left mee in an extasie vntill this very houre : but our young trauellers being too idle to enter vpon so hard an inquest , that is the cause why they haue no other colour to couer their slouthfulnesse by , but by vniustly alledging the smalnesse of the number of honest women . finis lib. . the third booke . the discouerie of fooliana . the situation and populousnesse of fooliana . chap. . fooliana is the most a vast and ill-husbanded region that euer mine eyes beheld , and yet withall , the most populous . if a man should but goe into the burse of any towne of traffique in this whole nation , he would sweare , ( as one did once of paris ) that the whole world came to trade thether . i am not ignorant of the number of the people that are imagined to be in all europe , take it therefore as from the historiographers , and not from mee . italy is said to conteine , more or lesse : spaine , a number somewhat lesser ; england , ; the low countries as manie ; both the germanies , ; france as many ; sicilia : wee know also what they ( that vse to amplifie vpon all things ) say of the number of the inhabitants of china , that they do amount vnto ● . that countrie paralelld with the whole country of fooliana , is rather an vnhabitable desert thē a peopled nation : it lieth iust vnder the antarctike pole , as the b pigmey-land lieth vnder the articke : and hence doe i gather ( as any man else may ) that the extremity of cold in both these opposed regions , is cause both of the pigmees littlenesse , and the foolianders blockishnesse ● nature so well gracing hir selfe by effecting the defect of body in one place , and counterpeysing it with as great a defect of witte in another . to confirme this , doe we not see that such as inhabite the temperate zones are generally perfect both in body & mind : but let this be remooued vnto the cloisters of the philosophers , i must proceed with my purpose . fooliana , on the south butteth vpon tenter-belly , on the east vpon shee-landt , and the farthest corner of thriuingois , and finally on the west , vpon theeues-wijck . the parts of fooliana : the peoples conditions in generall . chap. . fooliana the great , is diuided into fiue lesser fooliana's , as namely there is fooliana the fickle , in the easterne frontires : fooliana the craggie , iust vnder the pole : fooliana the fatte , towards the south-west , fooliana the fond , betweene both : and fooliana the deuoute , towards the west . now the inhabitants of all these fiue , are generally tall of body ( for all the vehemencie of the cold climate wherein they liue ) their haire a pale flaxen , their heads a like sugar-loues ; their lipps bigg like a moores , and their eare● thick and spacious . but their conditions do not keepe all one forme : some things they haue generally in them all , and they are these : what euer stranger arriue amongst them ( vnlesse he light in fooliana the craggie ) they presently entertaine him with all the pleasures that their towne-house , & table can by any means affoord : come wee to any of them all , with a dust-licking congee , & some three or foure vostra signioria's , spaniard like , and either commend his good face , his new coate , his fine hand , his faire house , or season but his affections with an admiring applause , and this your obsequiousnesse shall purchase you an hoste whose curtesie will imagine nothing too deare for you ; good words & faire promises are all the moneys that this nation vseth ; yet they haue great store of gold , which they barter away for feathers , bells , timbrells , and garlands , happy hee that hath the best store of such commodities to vtter at these ports . the inhabitants are of a hard constitution , going bare-brested , & thin attired in the depth of winter , to take ayre the better : marry in the heate of summer , they were rugge gownes , and cloakes aboue that , to keep out heate the better : yet they haue some philosophotericall professors amongst them , that will go almost naked in midst of winter , in contempt of the colde , and their reason is this , that seeing all creatures besides man can bee content with haire and hide onely , why should not man that is made maister to them all , make shift to breake through all the battalions of colde , being armed onely with his shirt of nature , his skin ? i promise you , a strong & sensible argument . you shall neuer take any of them solitary , for they doe continually talke and contend in argument with them-selues when they are alone and in game : you shall haue them fall terribly out sometimes with themselues onely ; one word prouoking him to teares , & another immediatly procuring laughter , & the person being all this while single by himselfe . they haue also certaine sects of people , generally called fool-osophers amongst them , and these haue the same credit there , that the bonzoes haue in china . i haue well neere forgotten their seuerall orders : some of them run vpō my tongues end , and i thinke ( i am not sure ) that there was one sort called browne-backs , and another called b clunches : besides ( as i remember ) there are the c quadricornes , the barly-faces , the greenegeese , the societies of saint patch del culo , saint gynny come home at noone , & many more that are far frō my remembrance . all these giue their own allowances vnto others , and begge for scraps themselues , wandring through that verges of fooliana , & where they finde a stone with any picture vpon it , ( be it what it will ) downe they go vpon all foure , with curtsies , and cringes , 't is more thē strange to obserue them : gold is ready change with them for led , prouided it haue a taile of parchmēt at the end of it . tapers and noone day meete ordinarily at euery dinner time amongst them . to eate flesh is altogether vnlawfull for them ; but for fish , take your gorge full gratis , and neuer breake statute for it , i le bee your warrant : it is a sinne inpardonable d for some of them to touch gold or siluer with their bare hands : as it is also their generall custome scarcely to salute any man , yet may they neither omitte crosse , nor carued statue without a religious duck : they whip them-selues cruelly ; the e spartans boyes scourging was but a flye blowing vnto this of theirs : first because no man but themselues will vndergoe sore lashes , and secondly because in the obedient times , they had a tradition giuen them that calues bloud was a pleasing sacrifice to their gods nosthrils . their crownes are shauen , eyther to put the world in minde that all men are borne bald , or , for auoyding heate of the head , or else , least the haire growing betwixt heauen and the braine , should bee any hindrance to the minde in her celestiall meditation . onely two things ( in my simple iudgement ) they are iustly to be accounted too wittie in : first in that they bring the people into such a fooles paradice , that they fetch all the fruits of other mens labours into their platters , whilest themselues sitte at ease in their cells : and secondly , in that they can so cunningly auoide the bearing of their crosses at home , by getting grasse for their stallions abroad , and by keeping their foles at other mens mangers . there is witte in this beleeue me . if any of these monasticall men be sick , the couent neuer ceaseth weeping till he either goe for vp , or take a longer day : phisick hee must haue none : yet when they are in their pangs of death , their foolosophers anoint them with oyle : they measure not ones wisdome by his silence ( for so may one of iohn of paules church-yeards blocks , prooue wiser then he himselfe ) but by the choise composition and deliuerance of good & gracefull termes : hee is held a wise man , that speaketh not much vnto little purpose , not he that speaketh little vnto none at all . they neuer come on horse-back , nor a shipp-board , but hold it fondnesse to hazard their liues either on a stumbling iade , or in a weltring barge : they suck vntill their beards come : nor do they euer bury their dead , holding it a slauish part for a man to tumble his parent , wife , brother or so , into an hole , because that life is out of them , & to make a feast of them vnto the wormes , because of the lack of a little breath , & therefore they f hang them vp in the aire , in their best attire , & euery yeare keepe a solemne obite in honor of their departed ghosts , iust in the place where they are hung vp , and this forme of buriall is most ancient as may bee gathered out of many monuments yet extant in fooliana the deuoute . the women of this nation are the principall gouernesses also of the state , but their dominions more tolerable in that their witts cannot informe them of the true state of soueraignty . but what they haue ( as i was told ) grew first vpon this : the shrewes-burgesses whilom ouer-run all the whole region of fooliana , which not-with-standing by reason of the barrennesse of the soile , they would not possesse , but left the inhabitants in possessiō : prouided , they held it no longer then they did homage for it vnto them ; paying them an asse laden with gold , for their yearly tribute . this rent was paied along time , vntill at last the foolianders brake out vpon these conditions , that as for the gold , they did not respect it , so that the shrews-burgesses would demand it when it was due : but for them to force a louing creature , and one of their naturall towne-borne country-broode , with stroakes and battes , to beare this burden out of their land against his proper will and pleasure , this was a condition very hard , nay to their iudgments intollerable ; besides that their quiet hereby stood in doubt ; for one asse ( you know ) being heauier then another , if gold and asse and all , weighed more or lesse this yeare then they did the yeare before , the shrews-burgesses might alledge that they had not their due : especially ( which is a maine reason of this breach ) seeing that the poore creature , though seeming neuer so able to beare out his burden at first , yet after a few dayes iourneys hath beene forced to lay him downe vnder his loade . this message incensed the shrewesburgesses much , where-vpon to armes they go , & entring fooliana , came without any resistance vnto blocksford , otherwise called duns-ton , the chiefe citie of the land : alarum was giuen : out comes all the blocks-fordians hurling vpon an heape without armes or order . the foe was fairely ranged , and gaue the charge : downe falls a citizen or two , which the rest beholding , fell all vpon their knees in submission , with prayers for mercy , and protestations of innocencie : the weapons were held , and by and by one of the grauest foolianders bespake them in this maner . ah what a violent inundation of cruelty hath ouerflowne your good hearts , you right valiant shrewes-burgesses ? that for one poore asse you should kill thus many proper men , and pritty schollers : especially ( and oh let this especiall reason rule yee ) seeing that one quick asse , or one asse being quick ( do ye vnderstand me ) would haue bin more seruiceable to your estate then a thousand ( a thousand said i ? may then fiue and forty ) men being dead , as naile in dore ? take , ( mistake me not , i bid you take ) take euery one his asse , and his burden of gold , we had rather liue without them then to die for them : you shall all haue asses ( asses are not so scant in this country of ours ) once more i say , you shall haue asses , gods plenty : ô then put vp your shining things , & spare the liues of a many weaponlesse men : i know ( & to your honor be it spoken ) i do vnderstand that your valour scornes to stand in defence against a weaponlesse wretch : o spare vs then i do beseech you , & free vs from that present feare ! wel , the conqueresses are moued by this patheticall oration , & consented to giue them their pardons , mary vpon this condition , that the women of fooliana should euermore in domestique employments , haue preheminence before the men . the vanquished gaue their humble consents , and wee thanke yee too , for it was a noisome toile to them to bee euer-more in the taile of a slow-back , egging him on to performance whether hee would or no. of fooliana the fickle . chap. . fooliana the fickle , is the easter-most part of all fooliana the great , and next vnto shee-landt . expect not here ( gentle reader ) any exact description hereof : how i found it , and how i left it , i know thou shalt know as well as i : but if you chance to go thether your selfe ( as many a fine gentleman i can tell yee , and men of good worship haue done within this few yeares ) and finde not the state as i describe it vnto you , blame not any defect in me : for their formes of gouernment are so dayly altered , that one may describe yee the shape of proteus , or the colour of the chamaelion or tell what wether it will bee to morrow , sooner then giue you any true notice of their discipline . the portugales may brag of their trauels and discoueries , let them do so , but i durst venter a large wager , that if it could be tried , the ancient a french-men did first discouer this country , there are as yet so many monuments remaining that shew it , both in the names of the townes ▪ their most ancient lawes , and their chiefe coines . their grounds neuer cary any one certaine forme two yeares together : that which is pasture this yeare , shall bee arrable the next : that which was all high mountaines this yeare , shall be all carried away to fill vp dales withall , the next . nay they turne the very course of their riuers also , so that sometimes , as virgil saith . b plaustra boues ducunt quà remis acta carina est . the plough now teares that vp , that whilom was a way for nothing but for boates to passe : so do the inhabitants shut out their swelling riuers on one side , & they themselues ( raging at their forced stops ) carue themselues a new course out on the other sides . they haue great store of magnificent cities , but they change their fashion euery other day at the farthest : the chiefe of which , at my first comming thether , was called c farfellia , but ere i went away , it was decreed by the whole body of the counsell , that it should thence-forth bee called butterflieux : the whole frame of this city goeth all vpon wheeles , & may be drawne like a cart , whether the councels pleasures is to haue it . it is recorded to haue altered the situation a hundred times since the foundation , & thirty times it hath quite lost the former shape . in the time that i was there it stood seated by d the riuer of water-lesse , and was very shortly to be carried vp to the height of mount wantwood . the riuers are all so frozen ouer with the extreame colde , that if any towne be wearie of the old place it may passe the waters vnto a new one . euery moneth the forme of the city changeth , for euery house is separable from the next vnto it : so that as soone as euer they finde any the least fault with the old neighbors away goes house and household and all , to seat themselues in a new street . the armes where-with this cities scutchion was whilom charged , was a snaile with her shell on her back , on a chiefe argent : the words , mea mecum , i cary mine owne about mee : but now it is the butterflie desplaied , in a field vert and floured : the word , vbilibet : where i list . of the peoples conditions , and attires . sect. . the inhabitants goe all in painted fethers , as the indians doe ; for seeing that these light things kept the little birds warme enough , why ( say they ) should we desire now beeing farre more able to beare out could then those poore and tender creatures are ? now when they would seeme to haue new-coates , then they change the places of their fethers : so that that which in the morning wore on their heads , commeth before night to wipe the dust from their heeles , and so the rest , that which kept the knee warme but now , by and by getteth vp aboue halfe a yard higher . they do marry wiues , and loue them pestilently well for a while ; keping them selues truly loyall to their espousalls , vntill they either take some occasion of dislike in their old bedfellow , or chance to behold another that is fairer then she : and then , farewell wife , and welcome with all mine heart husband sayth shee ; for the wife is commonly as willing to make exchange , a as the man is : ( assure your selues that shee taketh the first dislike , if her husbands cocke-shippe bee , any way declyning ) . they vse a stranger for the first daie as if hee were their owne brother , ( though they neuer saw him before ) : marry the next daie they will passe you by , and forget that euer they knew yee . they seldome or neuer proferre any thing which they doe not call backe againe at the next breath they take , before the promise bee confirmed : nor doe they euer promise , but they afterwards forsweare it , vntill it bee performed : nor doe they euer performe any thing which they doe not afterwards , ( though all to late ) repent and bee sorie for . they will not sell you any thing to day , but if you dislike it , they will giue you double the price you paid for it to morrow . they make their lawes new euery yeare once : for it is not fit ( thus they defend it ) seeing all mans life is mutable , that the rules of life should not bee mutable also as well as the effects : besides , mans second cogitations being generally more perfect , it were a strange slauery to bee tied so to a first decree , that although the after-wit dislike it neuer so , may not be altered . turne-coates tombe . the nations ancient coines . sect. . in this citty , neere vnto the a asse-change , is a tombe of one turne-coate , of small antiquity , and of smaller beauty , vpon it i reade this inscription . passenger . stay , reade , walke . here lieth . b andrevv tvrne-coate , vvho vvas neither slave , nor soldior , nor phisitian , nor fencer , nor cobler , nor filtcher , nor lavvier , nor vsvrer , bvt all : vvho lived neither in citty , nor covntrie , nor at home , nor abroade , nor at sea , nor at land , nor here , nor elsvvhere , bvt every vvhere . who died neyther of hvnger , nor poyson , nor hatchet , nor halter , nor dogge , nor disease , bvt of all together . i , i. h. being neyther his debtovr , nor heire , nor kinsman , nor friend , nor neighbovr , bvt all : in his memory have erected this , neither monvment , nor tombe , nor sepvlcher , bvt all : vvishing neyther evill nor vvell , neyther to thee , nor mee , nor him , bvt all vnto all. somefoure miles from giggumbobbia , there is a plaine where there were certaine old coines digged vp whilest i was there , i care not much if i shew you the formes of some of them . one was a square peece , hauing a ianus head with two faces on the one side , and the semblance of a globe-like stone vpon a smooth table on the other , and in darke rust-eaten letters , this about it . fbr . var. dvc . the forme was this . the third was larger , and of more value it seemed ; bearing the figure of an egge : hauing on one side a leane face with a long nose , and a wreath of lawrell about the fore-head : on the other , a c polypus ( a many-footed fish called a pour-countrell , vpon a stone , passing well cut verely : the word was pour-bon . pour . bon. of the vniuersity that is in fooliana the fickle . sect. . as i traueled along the valley capritchious , i chanced to light vpon a towne that bare some shape of an vniuersitie . the name they told mee was whether-for-a-pennia . here met i with some shadowes of philosophers , but neuer a substance : you may go whistle and saue your labour , as well as to come and looke for any lectures , rectors , bookes or schooles of the seauen sciences here . euery peculiar man here is both his owne teacher and his owne auditor . yet are there two colledges in the towne : one of the a skeptikes , who deny that their is any trust to bee giuen to the sence : and they are such absolute suspenders , that they dare not for their eares decree any thing positiuely , no not this , that they ought to hold al things in suspence . steale away any one of their purses , cloakes or victualls b ( as one of them was serued once ) and hee presently falls into a doubt whether euer hee had such a thing or no : strike one of them as hard as you can , he doubts of it , both whether you struck hard or no , & whether hee feele it or no. speake to him or touch him , hee heares , sees , and feeles you , yet he dare not assure himselfe that any one thing of this is true . the other colledge consisteth wholie of gew-gawiasters , who giue them selues wholy to the inuention of nouelties , in games , buildings , garments , and gouernments . hee that can deuise a new game or a new fashion , according to his inuention hath a place of dignity assigned him by the duke . he that first deuised to blow out bubbles of sope and spettle forth of the walnut shell , is of as great renowne amongst them , as euer was the first printer , or gun-founder amongst vs of europe : these gew-gawiasters , are in great esteeme in court , yea and amongst the meaner sort also , in so much that many of them will not put on a tatter , nor once moue , without their directions . nay these i can tell yee are schollers indeed : they haue deuised a new language wherein they kept the misteries of their knowledge , onely to themselues : it is called the b supermonicall tongue . some of the words i will set downe in this place , for the good of such as shall trauell those countries hereafter , that they bee not vtterly c cedarine in this language when they heare it spoken . they call the earth ; silo. the soule ; adek . al thing within the skin ; chohos . the inner part of the midriff , coostrum . aquality borne with the body ; relloleum . a thing naturall : cherionium . salt : al , and malek . the earths vapor : leffas : the waters mouing : lorindt . wilde hony : tereniabin . the euill fumes of the elements ; realgar . a mandrake : aroph . a male cony , ircub . a beginning , ilech . a thinke supernaturall , iesadoal . an vnguent ; oppodeltoch . vineger , xisinium . star-slime , nostoch . iupiter , cydar . successiue generation , dordo . an vncertaine presage , erodinium . a certaine one , essodinium . pustules , bothor . lame , artetiscus . crooke-backed , nasda . an amulet against the plague , xenechtū . but i wondered much more at the names of their mineralls and spirits , for they call brimstone , chibur , alcubrith , kibrit , and alchur . quicksiluer , sibar , plissadā , azoth , vnquasi . vnfined lime , wismadt . the philosophers salt , alembrot . mercury precipitate , diatessadelton . a mettall like iron , bobolt . iron , edir . mercury , missader , zaibar . minerall gold , chifir , fido. copper , maelibeum . the rust of copper , almizadir . vitriol , colcohar . a compound of corall and the lobster , dubelcolep . and now come the spirits names , with whom they are wondrously familiar . euestrum , is the good genius . xeniphidei , good spirits that reueale secret things to man. trifertes , spirits of the fire . caballi , goblins . trarames , apparitions . operinethiolin , minerall spirits . gamahaea , an image impressed in the phantasie . sylphes , ayry spirits . paracelsus was prouost of the colledge , who inuented thē this strange language : but indeed i am not sure whether this tongue continuestill amongst them , or hath by this time giuen place to some language of the later edition . how-soeuer it bee , i haue done my duty in warning you of it before hand . of fooliana the craggye . chap. . fooliana the craggy lieth iust vnder the pole : the farthest of all the land southward : it is a mountaynous , stony , and eternally frosty country , lying in an ayre extreamely cold , and as extreamely dry . here there is an iron rock , iust like that rocke of lode-stone , which the geographers say is vnder the north pole : and this is the reason why the compasse , af●er you are past the epinoctiall , declines towards the south , the cause whereof no geographer , or marriner could euer as yet declare . this land is diuided into two dutchies rather spacious then fertile , commonly called solitary and the sad , cholerik-oye . of the duke , and inhabitants of solitaria the sad . sect. . the duke of solitaria is generally called by the name of grumble-doro the great , a testy and seuere man , whose subiects are as like in conditions vnto him , as they are vnlike to all the rest of the other foolianders . hee hath a huge & spacious pallace called hearts-griefe-court , built all of ebonye and iet , in a most magnificent kinde of structure . ouer the portch are these words enchased in corall . merentum locus est : procul hinc discedite laeti : this is the place where sorrow dwels and care : fly far , far hence , all you that mirthfull are . the people of this nation are generally al haire-be growne , leane , slouenly , swarty complexioned , rough headded , sternely visaged , and heauy eyed , fixing their lookes as in amazement , and seldome mouing their ey-bals : their optike organs stand far into their heads , making them looke like so many hollow-eyed sculls . here it is in vaine to looke either for citty or village : they dwell euery man in a place far from other , as hares choose their seates : and professe a kinde of life most truly heremiticall : partly because they are of too suspicious and fearefull a nature to dwell in companie ; & partly because the duke hath expresly forbidden all men to build any one house within the sight of another , or within the distance of thus many miles from any habitation whatso-euer . they seldome or neuer stirre forth a dores , partly for the continuall darkenesse that couereth all this climate , and partly for their owne , and their princes pleasures : and when they doe goe abroad they doe very seldome salute any one they meet , for this is one statute in their lawes : let no man stirre abroad , but vpon necessity , nor salute any man hee meetes but vpon a thursdaies . goe to any of their houses , and knocke at the dore , you shall stand a good while to coole your toes , and at last bee sent away with a snappish answere : for they are the most insociable creatures vnder the cope of heauen . but how doe they spend their time thinke you ? faith in imagining & framing fictions to themselues of things neuer done , nor neuer likely to bee done : in beleeuing these their fictions , and in following these beleefes : this is the reason why they abhorre company , and hate to bee interrupted in their ayrie castle buildings . you shall haue one of them directly perswaded that hee is dead , and lying all along vnder the stoole , like a dead carcasse . if any one come to question him , hee flieth in his face with most violent furie , supposing him some necromancer , that hath called his soule backe againe from the dead , by his magicall enchantments , and from that time forwards , b he wanders all about the country like a ghost , imagining himselfe hence-forth wholy inuisible : but if any of his fellowes take him and binde him , hee forth-with deemes him a fury sent from pluto , to fetch back the soule that lately brake away from hel , and now is he in the most pitiful taking that euer was man ; imagining his house which he held to be but his graue before , to be a direct hel to him now . another is of opinion that he is become a mole , and lieth in a caue vnder ground , hunting for wormes , and turning vp the earth with a pike vpon his nose prouided iust for the purpose : if any one follow him , and giue him but a little pricke , hee presently beleeueth himselfe taken by the mole-catcher , and with miserable cries prepares himselfe to bee hung vp on the hedge . a third holds himself to be atlas , the worlds supporter ; and so standeth immoueably still , now and then fetching a sigh or two , sometimes lifting vp his shoulder , and sometimes shrinking it downe-wards : now when hee hath swet a little with this excessiue toile , if any one come and thrust him from his station , he presently falls flatte downe on his face with roares and cries , expecting euery moment when the skies should fall vpon him , and railing at the wickednesse of man , that had so little respect of his owne preseruation , and the safety of the whole world . another auowes himselfe to bee megaera , one of the furies , & affrighteth the passengers with terrible gestures : shaking his haire ( which he thinkes is nothing but snakes ) hissing , and running at them that come by him , with open mouth : if hee catch a whelpe or a catte , ô how hee will torture it : and imagining it the soule of some sinner , taketh great pleasure in the cries of the poore beast ( as it is said aiax in his madnesse did by the rammes ) . another beleeues his nose to be grown of such a size , ( as cyngar did in c cocaius ) he gets him a great many thongs , to bind it vp at his back for the more conuenient cariage . another supposeth himselfe made all of glasse or potters earth , and so flieth all mens company , least hee should be broken amongst them . thus hath euery particular man in the whole land some conceit or other , vnto which he holds his shape to be conformed . sect. . from the foot of mount-eye , the riuer of teares hath his first spring , running through most part of this prouince , which is parted into two , by a continuall ledge of mountaines , called the nose-autems , iust as italy is diuided in the midst by mount appenine . these mountaines haue nothing in them but dire and frightfull desolation , nor giue harbor to any liuing thing saue beares , and witches , and these abound all the deserts through . the beare ( a most lumpish melancholy creature ) will lye yee all winter through , in a lightlesse caue , liuing onely vpon sleepe and licking of his feete . the witches being bleare-eyed & toothlesse old hags , do nothing but sitte muttering of charmes to raise winds and waters , to cure maladies , and call vp the dead , ouer all which they promise them-selues assured authority , and yet in the meane time are starued to death for want of meate . these hills on the one side are all couered with a thick darke wood , called owles-wood , which is continually haunted with spirits and apparitions , and not for mā to enter , or to passe through . here shall you haue your a witch-wolues in aboundance , whose howling if you know not their customes before , will set your haire an end with terror . in diuels-dale at the foote of these hills , you shall see many whom that famous enchantresse b choly-melan is said to haue transformed into c lions & asses , and yet left them both the faces and voyces of men . sect. . here we may not ouer-passe the onely wonder of the whole co●ntry , 't is this . on the side of the highest mountaines of all the nose-autems is cholly-melans caue . it hath a narrow entrance , and is almost frozen vp with ice , but it is as it seemeth by the sound , of a large compasse within . all the sides of the entry are hung with huge ice-hickles , which shewing like teeth , do make the place seeme like the picture of hels-mouth . in this caue they say the soules of melancholike persons are plagued with continuall and extreame cold : whosoeuer offers to looke in ( as few will that wise are ) is presently struck downe sencelesse , where his body lieth a good while dead , expecting the returne of his tormented spirit : but hee that layes his eare to the ground a little without the hole , oh what howling , sighing , ratling of chaines , and falling of ice-sickles shall hee seeme to heare ? or hee that sleepeth vpon any part of this mount ( which i more hardily then warily aduentured ) good god what chimaera's , centaures , and thousands of such amazefull apparitions shall hee ( to his horror ) behold in his dreames ! of cholerikoye , the other dutchie of fooliana the craggie . chap. . next vnto this is cholericoye , a barren , burnt , sandie soile ; producing a brood of hasty , furious , haire-braind , mad people : low of stature , pale-faced , read headed , ferret eyed , trembling lipped , & vnequally ( though ordinarily hastie ) paced . these are all vnder the gouernment of duke swash-buckliero , the model & embleme of all tyrranny . the reader will admire , and hold it incredible , that he should vse his subiects as he doth . the famous russian tyrant was a mercifull prince in respect of this man : there was neuer caesar , neuer cannibal so bloud-thirsty as he is . here now the ingenious searchers of nature may make a great doubt , how a nation so exorbitantly cold , should produce such extraordinarily fiery constitutions , the bodies of others generally following the nature of the clime wherein they are borne . o sir , content your selfe whosoeuer yee be ( if not , yee may choose , i will neuer intreate yee ) wee philosophers know well inough , that where the heat is kept in by the stronger antiperistasis , that is , where it is the stronglier bound in by encircling cold , there it breaketh out into a more violent operation . doth not affrica , that burnt region , produce serpents of the coldest nature of all others ? are there not flies bred in the furnaces of cyprus , whose cold do quite extinguish the heat of the fire ? hath not the thunder and lightning their first originall in the midle region of the ayre ? and is not the whole earth often-times shaken by a fire , hatched in the depth of her owne cold bowels ? wel , philosophy is on my side , and i dare therefore be hold to say what i doe say . on with our description . this dukedome is diuided into foure weapentakes ; sallow-hew , grene-chekes , blew brow , and a rougeux : the people of the first , weare all tawny : the second all greene , the third all blew , and the fourth all red . there is none of these that euer stirre abroad vnarmed ; hee that is but halfe sufficiently apparelled , will bee sure howsoeuer to haue his armour vpon him a capo a pie : and like a porter hyred by mars , ha's his musket on one shoulder , and his halberd on the tother , his sworde there , and his great bumme dagger here , with two boxe hilts , a man may boyle two ioynts of meate in them , and at his back hee bore his bow and shafts ; thus is hee accoutred if he goe b but to my neighbour iohns , hee must haue his mooueables about him . if hee meete any man that will not giue him the wall ; catzo del diablo , slaue , drawe , or prepare thy selfe to kisse my pumpe , for the resarciation of mine honour . they neuer make any iourney forth , but they eyther bring blowes home , or leaue some behinde them . if one chance to kill his enemy , hee feedes vpon him immediatly , for they eate raw flesh altogether , and drinke warme bloud , and this is the best esteemed fare . they haue no lawes , but all goes by might and maine . hee that is wronged , either reuengeth his owne wrong , or else hee may go home sitte him downe , and so turne ouer the leafe & sing : all the rules they follow is but one and that is this , conquer and possesse . if you haue any minde to reuenge a wrong , to regaine what was your owne , or to take from another , you may call him to the field at any time , and he must come , or loose his estate . if any come to interrupt yee , and so begin a sedition all that remaine vnslaine , are forth-with forfaited to furnish the dukes shambles , which crafty lawe doth both suppresse conspiracies , that were otherwise very likely to bee daily practised vpon the state , and also furnisheth the dukes table in farre greater aboundance , and at farre lesse charges . the chiefe seate of the duke is called c fierce-fooliangir , a great citie , but it is built onely of wood-worke , the duke would not haue it otherwise , that hee might the better ( vpon iust cause giuen ) set iron fire , and so burne cittie and cittizens when his pleasure is . it is inhabited with none but tinkers , black-smiths , & butchers , in whose shops you shall as commonly see legges of men hang vp , as here with vs you shall finde pestels of porke , or leggs of veale . through this citty runs the riuer furieuse , with a course like a torrent , which in winter they say will be exceeding hotte ( aboue your fountaines in frost ) and giueth vp vnwholesome fumes . hard by it stands the dukes pallace , on the top of an exceeding high hill , called mount scalpe , and it is reported how it is growne to this height onely by the multitude of dead mens heads that haue beene throwne on an heape continually in this place . the dukes pallace is built of brick , very strong , yet liueth hee in a continuall suspect of his subiects loyaltie , and had rather trust his owne iron gates , then their glassie obedience hee hath a guard of . d hacksters , who are ministers both to his furie and gluttony . if any stranger come heere , that knoweth not how all goeth , he is presently seazed vpon , & his head presented to the duke for picking meat at supper , which hee holdeth more delicate , and hunteth more after , then euer did vitellius after the e phoenicopters tongues , or lampreyes intrailes . hee likens a negro to a thrush , and a white man to a quaile ; but such as dye onely to doe his gutts seruice , are farre better vsed then the rest , for they ( as f olympias offered euridice ) haue their choice what way they will dye , whether being hangd or beheaded . the most famous mount in all this pallace , is the inquisition chappell , they call it saint shambles : dedicated vnto the powers infernall , whose statues stand all therein , in horrible figures , wrought all with ieatt and corall , and these doe they offer their orisons vnto . here might you behold all the sorts of deaths and tortures possibly to bee deuised : wheeles , iibbets , hatchets , halters , swords , clubbes , and rusty pistols , so old , that i dare passe my worde for the chinians , they will confesse that they had their first gunnes from hence . a thousand altars are in this chappell , fuming with continuall sacrifices to the deuill , and the duke , offering the soule to appease the furie of the first , and the body to satiate the couetousnesse of the later ; and for the bloud , they haue a certaine arte to keepe that from congelation , and so caske it vp like aligant , for the dukes owne weasand . through the middest of this chappell runneth a channell called nastie , and downe that , they scowre all the filth of the bloud-stained pauement . these men doe neuer goe , but runne altogether , and generally you shall not misse to take them all on a sweat . but there are two strange things , and worthy obseruation in this countrie , the first is , you shall not finde one man in this whole region , but hee is either lame in body , or deformed in face : which the more scarres that it beares , the more beauty it is held to adde vnto the bearer : and the second is , that a man of three score yeares old , is here held for a miracle . for it is more then extraordinary for any of them to attaine to the middle age of man , they are flesht so young . neere to the heart of the countrie is a fenne called full-gall , as large and as famous as euer was the ancient meotis , now called g mar delle sabacche : the water of it is of a deepe yellow to the eye , and most bitter to the taste : it ouerfloweth the bounds very often ( but at no sett times ) and some-times drownes the most part of cholerikoye : that which it doth drowne , the sulphurous nature of the water doth burne , as phaetons ill-guided waggon did the whole world : and at these times do all the inhabitants bottle vp this water , imagining that being drunke it annimateth their spirits vnto the most dangerous attempts . but here i would not haue my reader too credulous , for i haue this but by heare-say , by my faith sir i durst not goe to see if it were true or no , i rememberd that french-mans saying too wel , il faut menager la vie . this part of fooliana was too dangerous a region for me to trauell : i staid at mine ease in blockes-ford , and held it better to take this relation vpon credence ; then to confirme it with mine owne experience . fooliana the fond . chap. . this part of fooliana is both the largest and the most ancient of all the rest : the inhabitants of it affirme themselues to haue been created in this country , before any other part of the world was peopled : so that is held the a mother of all nations , as blocks-ford is of citties . it lieth in the very middest of all the rest , as the nauell of this goodly body . on the south it hath fooliana the craggy : on the east , the fickle : on the west , the deuoute : and on the north , the fatt . the south part of it is called cocks-combaya , peopled with slouthfull & flegmatique inhabitants ; but the northren part therof is possessed by more industrious and actiue spirits . had i not beheld the strange behauiours of this stupid sort of people with mine eyes , i should neuer haue beleeued that nature had bestowed so diuine a gift as reason vpon such brutish creatures . for all those that border vpon fooliana the craggie , goe directly like beasts vpon all foure , nor doe they know ( silly things ) any other way of going . there is no house in all this part of the country : because the inhabitants neither can build any them-selues , nor dare aduenture to come into any that are built by others , least they should fall vpon their heads . there are euery yeare great multitudes of them starued , and stormed to death , in that they can neither make ready their meate , nor frame themselues apparell , nor beds : nay they can scarcely speake true sence : not a man of them that knowes his owne father , nor his owne sonne , nor wife : nor how to returne the same way he came : nor how to distinguish a beare from a sheepe , or a lion from a whelpe . nay you haue of them that cānot tel whether they should put their meate in at their mouth , at the nosthrils , at their eares , or at some other more vnseasonable hold . finally , to be briefe imagine but that you saw a camane asse in an humaine shape , and such an one is a true cockscombayan . of asse-sex . sect. . asse-sex a the northerne part of fooliana the fond , is some-what better furnished with wit , and worthier of a trauellers presence and obseruation . the people hold themselues wonderful wise , and professe the search of natures most abstruse effects : neuer leauing till they haue drawne one reason or other , from the very depth of inuestigation . they haue but one eye a peece : they are not borne so , but the parents at the childs birth plucks out the other , as being of no vse in nature , in that when the one eye is shut , the other hath a more strong facultie to discerne . part of this nation go all naked , to auoid the labour of putting on & off : part of them haue houses , but with out either dores or walls , that the fresh aire may haue the freer accesse : part of them build nests like birds in the highest trees , both to bee nearer heauen , and for their bodies exercise in climing vp to them ; euery particular man of them hath both his peculiar opinion and profession . ambition & desire of glory draweth diuerse of them into most strange & incredible actions : you shall haue some going vp & down the streets on their heads & hands ; & others flying about with wings made of wax & fethers , you would verily imagine that b zetus and calain were come againe from the dead , if you but beheld how boldly these fellowes dare trust their wings with their necks . others , like your italian mount-bankes , draw the people together to see that effects of some rare vnguento , distilled water , or some strange engine : others , out of the basest of mettals , by a secret art ( and that by st. patrike a gainfull one too ) can draw the purest gold . but in faith it is worth the laughing at , to see the toylesome follie of these extractors : they are guld , and guld , and terrible guld yet can they not finde in their hearts to giue ouer . a sort of them of late ( as i was informed ) would needes to the oracle , to know the euent of that weighty businesse they had in hand . the oracle presently gaue thē this answere c trauaillez that is , take paines . pho , home come they as if they had gotten their god in a boxe : and forward they goe with their circulations , their sublimations , their coniunctions , their fermentations , till all this head-lesse action ended in putrefaction , vntill reputation and reuenues were both dead and rotten . thus each man seekes , to be an alchymist till all be gone , and he his number mist . whereas indeede the oracle gaue them better counsell then they could comprehend : take paines , that is , a mattock and a spade will get you gold ▪ sooner then chymistry , a thousand fold . of the cities of cockscombaya and asse-sex , and of blocs-foord , the metropolitane sea . sect. . the first citty i light vpon in this country was hollow-pate , a towne of good antiquity , and well contriued : but it affordes no rarityes , and therefore i leaue it and passe on to bable-dock , a corporation most worthely famous for the wisedome of the aldermen . these men a little before my arriuall , held a sitting vpon this occasion . they skie was verie cloudy , and raine was generallie feared on all sides : the maior calls a bensh , and fell to consultation , how to dispell the feared shower . the first mans aduise was to ring out all the bells of the towne : another aduised them to burne stinking sauour in the open streetes ( as the italian women doe to driue away tempests ) : at length , the grauest foolianders opinion was demanded , who arising , told them in plaine tearmes , their policy was vn-auaylable , and that the onelie quirke to fetch ouer this peremptorie storme , was to suffer all the moisture to fall that those bigge faced cloudes contained , and by that meanes ( and by no other ) the tempest would bee so braue ( seeming to haue no resistance ) that as hanniball did at capua , it would ruine it selfe or euer it were aware : was this an idle plotte ? no beleeue it : the whole bensh liked it and allowed it . twitlecome twattes , wisdome is not sworne to sitte in europe onlie . the very venus , the eye , the lustre of all citties terrestriall , is here seated : ciuitas angelorum ? why t is a verie peticoate lane , a pease-market hill to it : the name of it is blocks-foorde : for site , it standeth partlie vpon a plashie plaine , and part vpon a little mountaine : both of them lying in the descent , northward : farre from any wood , or any riuer . the vpper part of the towne serues the lower with snow water , and the lower doth the like for the vpper with spring water , mary that is of iohn a cragges standing . there are in the whole circumference of the walles iust sixeteene gates , wherein ( according to the intent of the founders ) it exceedes all citties of the world , by foure . the geometricall forme therof is neither circular , nor ouall , but of a meane proportion betweene a cylinder , and a renuersed pyramide , iust like vnto the portraiture of a mans body . what now ? are your vnderstandings vn-aquainted with such a geometrical draught as this ? why then you are but scioccoes , & neuer saw belgia in the forme of a lyon , italy of a leg , morea , of a plaine tree leafe , spaine , of an oxe-hide , the west indies , of a fishes lunges , nor all europe in the shape of an empresse . hee that hath seene these , and shal but view this towne ( as he cannot lightly choose ) must needs avow directly , that he beholds the lineaments either of some colossus , laid all along , or else of prometheus , as hee lieth bound vpon mount a adazar ▪ the market place is on the hills toppe : for that it is the head of the citty , and so administers life and sence to the residue . but ( honest reader ) if thou consider but the toyle that the poore porters endure by both horse and foote , whilest they lugge vppe all necessaries , euen hogs-heads of beare and wine against the steepe descent of the hil : vpon mine honest word i know not whether i should bidde thee laugh or lie downe : thou woldest sweare thou wert in hell , and saw an hundred sisiphi at once , rowling so many restlesse stones . and when they are gotten halfe vp the hill ( nay by saint loye sir , perhaps almost to the top ) with halfe an hogs-head of sweate vpon their quarters : then ( beshrew that then , may they say ) down comes another barrel , which hauing the vpper ground , holds it selfe the better man , and laies all the poore mens labour in the durt , and that not without endaungering themselues . on this mountaines toppe , the magnificoes , and the whole signioria of the cittie haue their habitations , to the end that the whole towne may lie as a fitter obiect to their prospect : this , as i sayd , resembleth the head of the towne : down from thence you descend a narrow which resembles the neck of this head , and this is inhabited onely with serieants , beadles , deputy-constables , and b derick-iastroes . from the lower end of this street , do two other extend themselues on either side , expressing the armes and hands in mans bodie , and these are peopled ( but slenderly god hee knowes ) with handicrafts men , but not ouer many handicraftes maisters . the bulke of this fabrike lies in a broader streete , and here you haue all your innes , alehouses , tauernes and hosterians whatsoeuer , and these haue houses downe to the very loynes , where ( as mine author affirmes , but i was neuer so farre in the towne ) they keepe the burdello . here indeed ( saith hee ) dwell the cocatrices , the roffianaes , the makquerells , & all those c ancient fish wiues that sell ruffes , mackrell and whiting-mops whatsoeuer ; and then if you descend a little further , ( all in one parish ) you come into d bride-streete , and there haue all the scauingers , scoure-aiaxes , and eleauen a clocke perfumers , tagge and ragge : this is called the draffe-sacke of the citie : the legges and feete of the towne are boxes to the ragmans rolles of porters and panier-ists : and here your poore traueller is ( now and then ) full faine , to take vp an hourely roost , bee his pennie neuer so good siluer . i am seges est vbi troia fuit . swine-troughes and sepulchers are some-times sworne acquaintance . but parcius ista viuis . e the houses of this towne ( faire though it bee ) haue none of them any foundation : for what alledge they ? had not wee rather giue honest buriall to the harmelesse stones , then teare them out of their graues ? hold yee content my friends , this is no laughing matter . the magnificoes build their houses of a statelie forme , and a loftie : to bee thereby the nearer to the skie , and the more eleuate from this vnrefined garbe of terrestrial conuersation . their houses are all passinglie well f painted within , especially with the names of their ancestry , their guests , and acquaintance , gracefully delineate with coale and candle . of the burguemasters of blosk-foord . sect. . the gran-dunsonioes ( for so the burguemaisters will haue themselues enstiled ) of blocks-foord , whilest i was there , held a parliament about matter of state , in generall and in speciall , about the securing , beautifiing , and aduancing the weale-publike of their city of blocks-foord . euery one gaue vp his opinion , according to that which seemed to him most commodious . one would aduise them to cut a conuenient hauen through the mountaines ( though it were some fiue hundred miles from the sea , a matter of small charge you know ) for shippes to traffique to the towne by : he wanted no store of examples from other cities , whose glory stoode wholy vpon the ritches they reaped by the sea . a second presently rises , and clearing his fore-head from furrowes , confutes all that euer the former had affirmed , shewing withall , how dangerous a thing it was to repose any confidence in such an inconstant and vnsatiate element : nor wanted hee examples at full , of citties that lay buried in the seas deuouring wombe . well , vp rises a third : and hee would haue the rarest conduites made that euer were deuised , and bring the water vp in pipes from the valley to the hills toppe ; a thing as possible , as could be thought vpon , seeing that euery man seeth the water in fountaines to bubble vp voluntarily , and striue vpwards of the owne accord , and wanting meanes to containe it to ouerflow the whole plaine about it : and againe , when the water runnes downe the kennell , doe yee plainely , that one part driues another forward ? as plaine as day . well , for all that , this will not fadge with the fancies of the bensh . speake another : one doth so : and his speech tends to the raysing of an high mountaine about the cittie , for these subsequent vses . first that the whole world might not haue notice of the actions of the blocks-fordians , especially of the grandunsonioes . second , that the cittie therby might be more augmented and fortified . third that there might be better auoidance of cold , by the warme seating of the citty within so high a mount : and for the mount it selfe , those that dwelt below should digge it out of the valley , and lay it togither . and then should there be abridge built from that vnto the next mount , by which the citty should bee furnished with necessaries . but then steps vp another , and smiling , asked how it were possible that a valley should bring forth a mountaine , but to allow a possibility of that , to suffer a bridge to be built were meere indiscretion : for if a carriage , or a traueller should stumble or loose foote-hold thereon , there were no way in the world for you but death , yea and that ( which is worse ) with the breaking of a legge or an arme : no , as for my small experience in state affaires ( quoth hee ) i would rather aduise thus ( graue grandunsonians ) to enterprise a matter which to effect is not laborious , and yet being effected , shall prooue most glorious : so that beeing propounded , i know that the well-willers of the state cannot choose but approue it : and thus it is . euery man according to his ability and the size of his house , shall erect a spire vpon the toppe thereof , and vpon the toppe , of that , shall aduance a cock ( vulgarlie tearmed a weather-cocke ) of brasse , or siluer , with a combe of gould , or gold smiths worke : and this shall bee mooueable , to follow and expresse the changes of the winde : now in euery spire i would haue a clocke to strike hourelie : which beeing once fully performed , o what pathetique spirit can expresse the reduplicate delight shall from hence redound both to the eye and the eare : to see such a bright fulgor of lof●ie spires , and to heare such a sweete clangor of harmonious bells . he had not shut his mouth , before the whole house opens , in acclamation to his proiect , so grauely , and statesman like propounded : and so they rose , to see it performed according to the intent of such a ponderous aduise : so that hee that shall in his trauell hereafter , arriue at this cittie , shall finde it in farre more gorgeous estate then it was my happe to behold it in , let him assure him selfe of that , for i sawe some of the broaches raysed ere i departed . of the marquisate of spendall-ezza . sect. . neere vnto blocks-foord lieth the marquisate of spendallezza , a countrie whilom most ritch , and of ancient and honorable memory , but now t is quite gone downe the winde : nor obserued i any thing in it worthy obseruation but a forrest called a actaeons b dogkennell , an eight square citty , called hey-dice , and an other little corporation called haukes-peartch . the inhabitants are the only spenders vnder the moone : they do nothing in the word , but inuent how to spend with the best garbe : some vpon dogges , some vpon haukes , or kites for a need : some vpon a paire of iuorye cubes , or abunsh of speckled past-boards , and thus flie their patrimonies : and when all is gone but the cloathes , farewell they also , the dise or the brokers are their ordinary cope-men ; alas poore gentlemen , what 's a man but his pleasures ? but whether this marquisate belong to fooliana the fond or the fatte , that i cannot resolue yee in , who soeuer ought it of yore , at this day i am sure it is not in the hands of the olde maisters ; it may bee there haue beene some lawiers , or some vsurers in this country in times past , but now farewell they . when these new inhabitants haue cast all their whole estate ouer-boord , then they doe either retire vnto other mens tables ; or else are maintained at the publike charge . and here is that ancient modell of cole-harbour , bearing the name of the brodigalls promontorie , and beeing as a sanctuary vnto banque-rupt detters : hether flie all they for refuge that are cast at lawe , or feele themselues insufficient to satifie their deluded creditors : any of whome , if they pursue their debters hetheb , and force them from their protection whether they wil or no , they are immediatelie accused as guiltie of sacriledge and so are throwne head long from the higher tower in all the territorie ; and when they rise from their fall , can no way complaine of any iniustice , but haue vnder gone the ancient law of the whole marquisate . those of this countrie that haue any sonnes , assigne them their full patrimonie ere nature allow them any bearde : and in case they die before this time , they leaue all their estate vnto their wiues to dispose as they list afterwards , without any respect of progenie : but if they haue the fortune to burie their wiues , then doe they lauish out more vpon their funeralls , then would serue for a dowrie vnto the fowlest of their daughters . sect. . betweene this marquisate and fooliana the fatte , lieth another nation called a clawback-ourt , peopled with the strangest monsters that euer man beheld . they beare euery one b two faces , and speake with two tongues : carrying the shapes of c apes vpon their formost partes , and all behinde of dogges : so that they seeme to bee a confused composition of man , ape , and dogge . that there are such monsters , let reuerend munster serue as a testimonie , who describeth certaine indian people that are partly thus formed . this nation , it seemes , is borne to seruitude : the greatest part of them doe make themselues voluntarie slaues vnto the magnificoes of fooliana the fatte , which borders vpon their countrie . and albeit they bee so sottish , that of their owne heads they can enterprise nothing praise-worthie : yet can they imitate , and counterfeite any action they see done before them , the world has not the like , for forging such exact resemblances . they neuer weare attire , neuer speake word , neuer doe deed , but they see or heare the like before they goe about it . whilest , i was there , they halted all vpod one legge ; and went spitting and spawling all the daie longe , because that signior tickle-eare , their gouernor , of late had hurt his foote , and with all , was troubled with an olde pockie catarrhe . they are most of them barbers , taylers , pandars , & procurers : there are also by report , some gallant courtiers amongst them : but how so euer , your spanish mimike is a meere ninnihammer vnto these clawbakc-ourtiers , take them as generally as you can . speake but , or looke but vpon one of them ; and yee shall presently haue him kisse his hand , cringe in the hamme , lick his two yeards of dust , and with a laborious congee , like an eccho , bandy the last word you spake , all the roome about , and with an applauding fleere , returne vppon you with all the gratious termes his gorge can possibly vent ; together with an whole heralds office of titles , and top-heauie exellentiaes , and then putting his lips together with another bascio dalli mani , stand houering at your next speach , to heare how his last stood to your liking . then do but you approue him , and talke on , and whatsoeuer you say ( bee it scarcely sence ) shall into his tables , as a more then humaine conceit ; as a very oracle . then will hee-stand with his eye fixt on the skyes , and adore you ( as a drunkard doth bacchus ) vpon all foure . they acknowledge no god but the man whom they make choise to serue , and him they obserue with more prayers , sacrifices and adorations then any idol would exact . now all this they do with one of their mouthes onely : marry there is not a word comes out of this mouth , but the other , ( their dogges mouth ) doth forth-with secretly retract , and disclaime . and thus much for their conditions . the first cittie in this region , is called d tutto-lodanie of faire and sight affecting structure : but so slightlye built , that there is no hope it should continue : it is much enriched by the trafficke which it hath by the meanes of the riuer of fiction , and againe , verye much endamaged by the same riuer , through often and seuerall inundations . neere vnto this towne standeth a village , called tongue-walke , the inhabitants whereof are neuer well but when they are talking . this village stands at the foote of a mountaine that rises along as farre as tickling-streete , another famous borough , where the townes-men keepe themselues continually employed in chasing of laughters . close vnto this , lyeth that pleasant valley called soothing-dale , at the farther end whereof there is a marish , called scoffe-stowe fenne , which reacheth downe along as farre as shame-stead , a towne of infamous note : whether they vse to bannish all their wizards , and all those whome they call c bashfull-apians . of fooliana the fatte . chap. . this region , compared eyther for wealth or pleasure with all the regions of this southerne continent , exceeds them all : and were it as wealthy as it maketh shew of , i make a great question whether the whole northren worlde could finde a countrey to parallell it : but indeede the people thereof doe generallye faigne to haue what they haue not , and to amplifie by their braues that which they haue indeed . there is a double ledge of mountaines extended some sixtie germaine miles in length on either side , betweene which lieth a plaine , full as iong , and this is fooliana the fatte : through which , the riuer of sound , a goodly current , hath his course , almost encircling the whole plaine . the reader may soone conceiue what a goodly ranke of cities are seated on the mountaines sides , hauing the prospect ouer such a fertile plaine , so delicately watred and diuided into such a many cantons , all fraught with fatte pastures , and spacious champians . the neatnesse of the cities in this tracte , excells their number ; yet are they but of a slender manner of building , & though their outward formes promise all decorum , yet when you are within you shall not finde ouer-much good order . at the mouth of the passage through the rhodomantadian mountaines , standeth the citie hydalgo , otherwise called a braggadrill : proudly built , but beggerly stated : and neare vnto this , is back-bitembourg , a towne that may be mother to the dirty streetes of paris . by this towne is a rock of incredible height , ( and of as incredible note ) called break-neck-cliffe : not much different from the peakes crag in england . it is as broad at the top as at the bottome : and yet so steepe , that it beareth the former rather of a towre built by mans hand , then any meere worke of nature . and this rocke is as famous for a place of execution here , as euer the tarpeian cliffe was in rome . on the other side of this famous hill , hath the cittie of bawdesden hir seate : this towne hath beene oftener on fire then euer was olde rome : partly through the negligence of the citizens , and partly through the aptnesse to take fire , that is in the bitumen , which they vse in their buildings in steed of lime . adioyning vnto this is another cittie called punkes-nest , built all of flint , and the hardest cement that can be deuised . and then a little further in , towards the frontires of idle-bergh , lie those large mountaines , commonly called hollyday-hills , where the people keepe continuall reuells , and sitt in iudgement vpon such as obserue any working-dayes : two citties there are vpon these hills , gamesware and merry-cum-twang : and on the east side of these two , the riuer of sound falls into the riuer of idle , making three or foure hands , skip-free iles the inhabitants called them where the peoples continuall exercise is in dancing vnto the sound of musicall instruments . the qualitie and condition of the people . sect. . every particular man in this countrie , auouches himselfe at least a gentleman borne : and most of them are able to shew a pedegree of ten thousand yeares long before euer the world was created . you shall haue them shew yee large galleries all drawne with their lineall and colaterall descents , and yet when all comes to all , their neighbours are able to prooue , that they had coblers , carters , or coster-mongers to their grand-fathers . nor is there any of their more select gentilitie , but hath his countrie farmes , three or foure , leased out vnto his viliacoes , his retainers , and those are commonly clawback-courtiers . the a sennaladij , their best sort of gentlemen , doe content them-selues with the poorest fare that euer attended a fasting day : yet some of them perhaps at the yeares end , will make a feast , which for excesse of preparation , and multitude of guests , will giue an end to the bidders whole reuenues : but all the yeare after hee will so defraude his barking stomacke , that many of them ( i assure you it is true , ) doe destroye themselues through meere hunger . others of them lett the guttes grone neuer so lowde , neuer respect the belly , but clappe all they can scrape vppon the backe : yet will they neyther acknowledge nor confesse their defect of belly-timber , but quite contrary , wheresoeuer you meete them about dinner time , you shall haue them go brushing of their beards , and picking of their teeth ; as if they were newly come from the death of an whole deluge of seuerall dishes . there is none of them hath so much either money or land , as his cloake and sword would purchase ; nor any of them that keepes not aboue an hundred b munch-gaines , ( for so they call their seruants ) yet haue they nothing in the world but they pay interest for it ( no man will lend them a quatrine vpon their credites ) in so much that i haue knowne diuerse of them hire their apparrell at the brokeria , onely for foure and twenty houres . nay i knew one of them build his horse a stable fitter for a kings horse then his : adorning it with farre-fetched marble , nay and enchasing the walls and pillers with iuory , and he himselfe meane while fatte warming of his heeles in a poore little , straw-thatched cottage . they giue themselues c tedious long names , and delight vnmeasurably to haue their country and their alliance mentioned in their stiles , adding such compositions , and reduplications vnto their prolixe titles , that to recite them with one breath is a thing directly impossible estridge fethers are deare with them , as rushian furres are with vs. some of them vse to hang siluer bells at their heeles , by the noyse whereof they may attract the peoples eyes vppon their gracefull carriage as they passe the streetes . those few of them that cannot deny their births to be base , are neuerthelesse of as haughtie spirits as the rest . i remember i read this distich ouer one of their dores . misero quello , chi di persona vile , nasce di cor magnanimoe gentile ! o wretched he , that hauing had his birth from a braue spirit , basely affecteth earth ! one thing i maruelled at aboue all the rest , as i lawfully might : there are few of this nation that liue by meate , or by drinke , but altogether vpon the fume of a certaine herbe ; which they take in smoake at their mouths , and giue it out at their noses , resembling the fumes of so many brewers chimneys . i know not certainly whether they had this from the indians , or the indians from them . i● is reported , that one rollo warallador , an vngodly fellow of this country ( though one of good place ) was taught the inuention of this wicked vapour by an indian deuill : yet some affirme that the indians of the torrid zone inuented the same to make themselues black within , disliking vtterly to haue their inner parts of one colour , and their outward of another . but this i am sure of once , that though it fill the nostrils , it empties the coffers , or that many good patrimonies haue by this meanes gone in snuffe out of their owners noses : that smoakt so long in fume , till all the satte was in the fire , and all the fire out of the kitchin. in all the cities , especially in baudesden and punkes-nest , euery other house keepes sale trugges or ganymedes , all which pay a yearly stipend for the licence they haue to trade . it is very lawfull to deale with these vpon any conditions you can make with them ; it is no shame for a man to salute his cockatrice , ( i and to do more too , to kisse her ) in the very market place , yea euen before his wife ; nay you shall haue some of them will make their wiues obserue their humors with all seruiceable attendance . the paradise of fooliana the fatte . sect. . there is not in all fooliana , ( no nor i doubt in the whole world ) so rare and stupendious a monument , as is the paradise of fooliana the fatte : a worke worthy all admiration , it is worthy both the toile & the cost of all trauellers , but once to behold it . you shall a farre of , behold a shining mountaine , all of pure gold ( for so it is , or so it seemes , and that 's as good ) framed ( as it is reported ) in old time by arte chymicall : yet if any one come to trie the goodnesse of the mettall by instrument , it falles all into dust ; if by fire it ascends all in smoake . on the top of this mountaine there standeth a castle all of christall ; not wrought by any arte of humane power , say the inhabitants : but the goddesse a fortune , being ( vpon some distast giuen vnto the court of the gods ) banished from heauen , set vp her rest here , and built this as a second , and terrestriall heauen . and from hence shee spreads her goodnesse through the world : here shee sitts giuing all aboundance that the most credulous seruant she hath , can possibly expect : nay be his expectation constant , he cannot choose but obtaine it . hether doe men and women flock , from all the nations of the earth , but especially from fooliana the deuoute : there is not one ( almost ) high or lowe , in the whole world , but hath seene this mount and ascended it . men talke of our lady of loretto , saint iames of compostella , our lady of walsingham , hall , and sichem , they are desert and desolate places in respect of this : here the pilgrims lye prostrate in the valley , in deuoute expectation of the goddesses call , as thick as euer haile-stones lay in high wayes after a frostie storme : nor may any man liuing approach the ascent of the hill , vntill such time as the priests of the castle do hang out the white banner , & that is a signe that the goddesse is pleased they shall ascend : and then they crie all with one voice , making the skies rebound againe , b madona scoperta , and then run that run may , one ouer another , euery one crying out of the straightnesse of the passage vp . nor will the worst man there giue place to the best , so that some-times you shall haue them scold one with another , like so many inhabitants of ram-alley : and sometimes to it by th' eares , with dry blowes , euery one in the company thrusting on him that is before him , & flouting them that are behind . heere did i see certaine of them that durst not venter vpon the crowd , growne euen hoarie with expectation , and yet had not meanes to get vp the hill . but what doe they that get vp ? faith , desire to haue , called them together , & hope holds them together , each one praying that it would bee the goddesses pleasure to grant him his desires ▪ you shall haue one praying for the attainment of his way-ward loue : another , only that it would please fortune to send him a wife that were no shrew : a third for honors , & a fourth for ritches , euery man as hee likes , and there yee shall haue twenty praying for vnckles deaths , & as many for the burial of thus many church men , that he may passe from reuersion to possession of this or that fatte benefice . there sat one king-like fellow at the gate & he ( they said ) sued for the next monarchy : & by him sat a crue of ill-faced wenches , & their suite was for beauty : there was an old wife also , with as many oake trees in her mouth as teeth , & she expected to be restored to her youth againe , & a many more sutors ( you must thinke ) then i could take note of . now the signe of admission being giuen ( as i said ) vp the hill go all that can go , not on their feete ( for that were sacriledge ) but vpō hands and knees , & with great reuerēce i warrant ye . being gotten to the midway , one of the priest intertains them courteously & inquires euery particular mans name and country , which when he heareth , he proclaimeth it with as lowd a voice as euer had a stentor , partly to giue notice vnto his fellowes , and the goddesse her selfe , what guests were arriued , & partly by this means inquiring the deity of them , to know ere they come any neerer , whether they come with the faith and purity which is required : for if you come guilty of any heauy crimes , shee hangs out her red banner , in signe that you must be remoued into the cloisters , where he must be kept til he be able to salute her with a purer soule and passe the residue of the iourney with a lighter purse . but if the goddesse like you at first , the priest giues you a leaden token , & so lets you passe : mary withall hee speakes these . words in your eare ere you passe ; beleeue , expect and hope : and so god buoy . on go you as cheerfull as a pie , vntill you come at an iron threshold , a little below the steps that ascend to the castle gate : vpon which iron this distich is written : fortunam si auidè vorare pergas , illam vt male concoquas necesse est . who swalloweth fortune ere he chew it , through ill disgestion needs must rew it . the castle gates are kept by a rigorous porter : yet money will make him do any thing : the entrie is so narrow , that it seemes to be rather an hole then a gate : but after you are crept once in , then shal you see an house more like an heauenly habitation then an earthly . all pearle & gold , whose lustre dazels the eie to looke vpon it , and whose external view promiseth no lesse then the height of happinesse , i omit to speake of the forme of the temple , the priests habits , orders & offiees : these , for breuities sake , i wittingly ouer-passe . at length when you haue viewd all ( for you must needs bestow a little time to gaze vpon this pile of admiration ) comes another of the flamines to you , and taking you by the hand ( hauing first blind-folded you with a linnē cloth ) he leads you through a hūdred turnings , indeed whether hee lists , but as fond mē beleeue , into the temple of this good goddesse , whom mortall eyes must not behold , and therefore are you muffled . well , now you must coutch , and kisse the sacred pauement : and lie so without once moouing , vntill the goddesse call you by your name , and , then aske boldly what you list : doe but effect what she commands without delay , or distrust , and were your request neuer so hard , it should bee fulfilled . well , but what end of all this ceremonious obseruation , say you ? by my troth a ridiculous one , able to mooue the gentlest spleene aliue . they are all singularlie , and ingeniously con-icatcht , men and women , rarely fetcht ouer , and with arts quintessence : and yet for all that , this art is so secret , that though no man passe this triall , that is not made an asse , yet euery one had rather blame his owne slothfulnesse or incredulity , then once glance at any imperfection in the power of the goddesse . well , hauing propounded your petition , ( suppose it bee honour ) the goddesse assents to it , most gratiouslie , commanding the suppliant , first after some houres , to take the holie potion , whereby his spirit may bee the better adopted vnto the ensuing felicity : and then , to lay him downe againe vntill shee called him the second time : which if hee doe but duelie obserue , hee shall assuredly be crowned with his full wishes , to continue enstalled in happinesse for euer : and to haue euer the same cause to bee gratefull vnto the goddesse for her heauenly beneficence . it passeth ; the suppliant taketh the cuppe and drinkes it off : praysing to his owne thoughts the drinkes delicious taste , beeing vtterlie ignorant that it is onelie a potion made of poppie , opium , lettuce , and other such procurers of sleepe : but the effect is the triall ; hee has not beene an houre after hee hath taken it , but downe lies hee in a sleepe , yee may turne the house out at the windowe , ( if yee can ) and neuer awake him : and then is hee haled vppe and downe the pallace like a dead carcasse by the buriers , and when they haue laught at him till they bee a wearie , they lay him in a ritch bedde , in a chamber like a kings , all seeled with iuory , and arched with golden pillers , all the tables spread with couerings , the arras of campania , and the tapistrie of alexandria are but sacke-cloath to them . and about the doore standes a companie of attendants , each in his gold-chaine at least , and all courtier-like accoutred , expecting when this b endymion iunior will awake , ( which is commonlie some three daies after , ) who lifting vppe his head , beeholdes all the roome with amazement , ( as hee well may ) and seeing all this faire companie of shining attendance , is wholie transformed with wonders : whilest they in the meanetime approach all in order with a ceremonious reuerence to salute the awaked king : health and happie daies to thy sacred maiestie , great king. king thinks hee ? masse this is braue . what apparell will it please your maiestie to weare to day ? your sute of golds-miths worke , your suite of tissue embrodered with rubies , your cloth of gold doublet with the carbuncle buttons , or your pearle poudred cassock ? i ? tissues , rubies , carbuncles , cassockes ? heyda ! my man 's an endymion indeede now , and will not change states with the man in the moone , he , for al his fulgid throne he sittes in . well , ritch cloathes are brought him indeede , euery man helps this braue king , and as one saies . dant digitis gēmas , dāt longe monilia collo : his hāds with sparkling gems they deck and hang ritch chaines about his neck . set a diademe vpon his head adorned with pearles of incredible greatnesse and lustree . all this goes well still , thinkes hee to himselfe : c get dinner readie . so sayd , so done : dinner was prepared , and serued vp , all in state , such raritie of seruices , such braue attendants such mirth and such melodie ! pho , nineteene muses cannot giue a man words to describe it . and thus they spend the whole daie , as time , yee know , will passe . still my fine king thinkes all his owne , still . well , night comes , vp with supper , and vp supper comes , with as ritch , nay ritcher purueyance & attendance then waited on the dinner : and for a conclusion to the feast , my maiesticall king has the tother draught giuen him of the holy potion , which presently locks vppe his sences in sleepe as profound as the former : and then my poore twelue-houres king , beeing as virgill saies iam simul expletus dapibus , vinoque sepultus , gorgd with good cheere and wrapt in sleepy wine . is caried out at a posterne , stript out of his tissues , his rubies , and al his gold-smiths worke , and re-invested in his old cloathes , ( made somewhat more sluttish then they were before ) and so laid out in the high way , for passengers to gaze vpon : where when hee awakes , hee falls into as great amazement as before ; and remembring how glorious a blisse hee was enthroned in but yesterdaie , and finding himselfe now vtterlie depriued of all , d hee falles a lamenting most extreamelie , miserablie deploring , and bitterlie cursing either his owne sloath , that would not giue eare ( as shee had charged him ) to the goddesses second call : or his grosse ingratitude , who being placed in so high a felicity , neglected to pay the good goddesse her due tribute of thankefulnesse . so away goes hee weeping and wayling with this word continually in his mouth , fuimus , troes ! i was whilome a braue man , ! and exhorting all men to take example by him , neuer to bee negligent , neuer thankelesse , but to proceede with heed , and confidence , and obey what the goddesse enioyned , and then they could not faile of felicity . such had i once ( saith hee ) but now , by mine owne onelie follie , i haue lost it all , euery part and parcell of my former greatnesse . now euerie one that heareth him , thinkes this ; i hope to take better heede then so ; and they hood-winck themselues ere euer they come there . of fooliana the deuout . chap. . vpon the westerne and part of the two foolianaes , the fat , and the fond , lieth fooliana the deuout , a region fertile enough of it selfe , but through the inhabitants negligence , altogither vncultured . for whereas it is diuided into two prouinces , trust-fablia , and sectaryuoa , ( the former beeing farre the larger of the two ) yet is it so wholie giuen ouer to a sort of rotten ceremonies , that the inhabitants thereof are all of this opinion , that one cannot doe god better seruice then in the vtter neglect of themselues . there are good store of pretty hamblets in this prouince ; there is fragment , surnamed the mouldy , wonders-field , and within a little of them , crepe-ham high crosse , cringing-beck ; and kissing-all-vp . the borders of this nation are verie deserts to speake of , and haue scarcelie any inhabitants : some of the villages ( for some villages there are , but very few ) as lentestow right-maw , pilgrimes inne , and scourge-nock , are left almost vtterly desolate , but that they are once a yeare ( at a set day ) visited by some venetians ; otherwise their thresholds are worne by none but their owne countrimen . and here i may not ommit one memorable worke , erected vpon mount bagnacauallo ; it is a goodly , well contriued spittle , both for largenesse , and full furniture : it beareth the name of the hospitall of incurable foolianders , and was built at the publike charge of the whole countrie , and therevpon is maintained . the proctor of it , at my beeing there , was one a garzoni , an italian , a man of good prouidence and discretion , and truelie hee hath desposed the almesmen in passing good methode and in decent order . hether haue diuers colonies beene sent out of all parts of fooliana . but for a truth the number of the monasteries in this country , doe very nere exceed the number of the villages : besides which , there is nothing but scuruy sheddes , worse then any westphalian inne : nor is there any freeholder left in all this countrie : the cloisters haue got vp all the lands euery straw-bredth , to make the deities the better cheere . foure sorts of buildings did i obserue in this soile : temples , monasteries , hospitalls and cottages : for all those that are not professed cloysterers , are either slaues or beggers . they are all of one religion , mary they cannot tell of what : but professe ignorance , and neglect inquiry , it is inough for them to follow their fore-fathers , and to hold the places whilom belonging to saints , that is all they care for . in their pace they make continuall crosses ; one thigh comming thwart another at euery step , and so makes the forme of a crosse at euery foote of ground they passe : and so likewise do they cary their armes , folded in cross-like manner , as if they were all in loues melancholie . they haue goodly temples , yet downe vpon their knees will they go in the plaine fieldes , if they spy but any antique face vpon a stone , or an old logge , or so : and then their beades ( which they beare vpon strings ) must needes rattle some two and fiftie times ouer . there is more gods belongs to this country , then there is men . varroes nūber of the romane gods was but halfe an vnite in respect of those . they make them of stone , wood and lome : and some of them augment their deities number , with adoration of horses , hogges , and hounds . euery daie giues life vnto a new deity : and sometimes yee shall reckon two hundred , made in one temple vpon one day . and here wee finde the olde egiptian custome receiued , that men , whilest they liue , are naught set by , but dying , they are entombed in honorable sepulture . . pounds haue i seene bestowed at one funerall , and none of the greatest mans neither . in this land will i lay my bones , and i doe here by will and testament , charge mine heires to see me here entombed : and pray that all those that doe either condemne or commend this my description , beyond the desert , bee sent as mourners to accompany my corps to the graue , as likewise all such that shall hereafter bee guilty of immitation thereof . but let vs forward with it . at those obiects , besides the tapers , incenses , bells , and bables that attend the body , as beneficiall vnto the soule ; there are two select persons bound by the law to attend the bodie all the way with two blacke silke fannes , to driue away the flies from it , be it in winter when the flies are all dead , and the carcasse not a fart the sweeter , all 's one for that , law is law , and must bee allowed . these foolianders neuer touch any thing , bee it water , oyle , salt , waxe , or iron , vnlesse it bee first exorcised , and the diuell driuen out of euery corner of it . they hallow guilt roses , with great follemnity , as they doe also in baptizing of their bells , and ensignes . but here is the rarest miracle that euer nature saw or man heard of . in wonders-field there is not a stone , but can heare , weepe , laugh , mooue , cure diseases , sweate bloud , and do al that euer was done by the semones , the daemones , or al the black guard whatsoeuer . sectarioua , the second prouince of fooliana the deuout . sect. . the other part of fooliana the deuout , sectarioua , is a county of much variety , but little delight : euery village , euery house has his peculiar fashion , quite different from the rest . nor did i euer see , in all my trauells such a multitude of vnruined monuments , as i saw here . here was saturnietta , & the seauen piramides ( somewhat ruined ) which the citizens of this state built a in memory of the . angells that made the world against gods wil : then was there b abraxia , the basilidians seate ; wherein there were but iust . houses , the townesmen being forbidden by an ancient law , either to increase their number , or diminish it . nere to this , stands c gnostico , wherein there are . old weather worne statues , standing al hand in hand : whereof there are eight larger then the rest , all marked with hebrew characters . not far from thence is a desert somewhat wooddy wherin the d elcesaites or eb●onites had their mansions a long time : and here did i see some of the ruined alters whereon they had beene forced to offer sacrifice vnto idols . on the left hand were the tombes of the f heracleo nitikes , al moystned with oyle and balsame . and on the right hand was the g oxhites valley , where the sacred serpent had his caue , before which there stood an altar vpon the which their charmes forced him now and then to shew himselfe . hard by were the caues of the caianists , ( and that is hard by hell they say ) and here they kept caines batte , and iudas his halter , as holie and reuerend reliques . vpon the banke of the riuer higri , you shall finde the h seuerians dish hung vp by a chaine at a piller , the dish out of which those obstinate men did whilom drinke their water . by this riuer also are the i tacians , little cabbins , and lesser tables , and here and there by the k montanists fatall cakes , all scattred about : here also are to bee seene the l valesians pumy stones , the m manichees thorny gardens , the n psallians oratories , the o patricians gallowes , the p ascites vassells , the q patrolorinchites statues of silence , the r aquarians cuppes , and all the monuments of antique heresies . but of all those glorious buildings of antiquity , ſ rhetorius his pallace doth iustly deserue the prick and praise : it beareth the fashion of all the other , and yet seemes neuerthelesse to haue a perticular one of the owne . there are standing yet some of the t abelians walls , those that continuallie adopted other mens children , and vsed to glorie of the pedegrees and statues of such as were none of their owne fathers . here is one new cittie , built by acouple of damned vagabonds , u henrie nicholas , and dauid george : and here also haue certaine x virginian exiles laid a plot for to erect themselues a bodie politique . o all you earthly potentates , that know the contagious nature of heresie , and loue to haue your states secured from so dangerous an infection , banish those damnable perturbers of holie peace , vnto this country , and let them take vppe their stations here where they can doe no great mischiefe . the state politique of fooliana , in generall . chap. . the cities of this whole land are either vnder an aristocraticall gouernment , or a democraticall . the people choose as many burguemaisters as they thinke good of : and these must rule , but neither for their yeare , nor their liues , but euen while the people please . if any man of them giue any proofe of somewhat more sound iudgement then the rest , hee is presently put out of office , and banished by ostracisme● . but all these prouinces do acknowledge one grand superior , & doe fealty to one chiefe prince , whose name when i was in those parts , was ill buffonio ottimo massimo . his palace is in fooliana the fatte , neere vnto the deuout , and beares the a name of papagalli . hee is as it were a compound of an emperour and a priest , wearing a crowne vpon a miter , or a miter in a crowne . there is euer borne before him a key and a sword , the ancient emblemes of ritches & power . his key sheweth that all the foolianders coffers are at his command : his sword , that hee may at his owne pleasure both take from others , and defend his owne . all that come into his presence must kisse his foote , by an ancient custome , begun at first by certaine kings ( long agoe ) that were troubled with sores and apostemes on their hands . hee is not borne but chosen to this dignity , yet not before hee bee very olde , least the people should bee a weary of him ( as they are wondrous prone to innouation ) ere he were a weary of life . before saint sapa's chappell are two seates of porphiry , wherein hee that is to bee elected must passe a triall of his rems and his res , ere he bee installed . hee seldome rides but vpon mens shoulders , to shew that men in respect of him are but as beasts in respect of men . he sittes alway , and goeth abroad alwayes vnder a canopy : tush , these are things that others may do also as well as he : let vs here some of his singularities , beyond all others you shall . he neuer askes peny tribute of any subiect he hath , but what they giue willingly , he takes thankfully and spends freely . he decrees nothing against the consent of the meanest counsellor in his state . he makes no lawes , nor keepes any : nor doth he promulgate any decree of continuance , but once within two yeares it is quite out of vse . he vseth his seruants , ( yea euen his slaues ) with much familiaritie , and when hee list can lift them vp aboue the best man in his court . hee allowes his parasites to doe euen what themselues thinke good , to breake lawes , to counterfeit coines , or to disperse money stamped with their owne names and faces . i might haue learnt much more matter in this court worthy obseruation , but that i do not loue of all things in the world , to tarry in court longer then needs must : no , i was neuer good courtier , nor ( i hope ) euer shall be . finis lib. . the fourth booke . the description of theeue-ingen . chap. . of the situation thereof . theeuingen a is bounded on the west with the straite of magellanus , and on the east , with fooliana the deuout & part of tenter-belly . it is a soile so vtterly voide of fertility ( excepting one little country that pluto might rather seeme to haue stolne ceres daughter frō hence then from sicily . nor shepheard , nor husbandman shall yee finde here , would yee seeke your heart out : yet is it not strange that this barren country should neuer-the-lesse haue such aboundance of all necessaries , maye and superfluities also , that it may challenge all the world in a prize of wealth , and ( as farre as their naturall fiercenesse permitteth ) of delicacy too ? take it from me ( quoth hieremy ratcliffe ) they may ; there is no rariety , nor excellent thing of worth in all the world , but they will haue it , by hooke or by crooke , and if they once get it , yee shall sooner get a fart from a dead man , then fetch it back out of their clouches . the easterne part is enritched by the spoiles of the two fooliana's , the fatte , and the deuout : the westerne , by the treasures of india , together with the spaniards , caricks and b cacaplataes , for they are the notablest pyrates of the whole terrestriall globe . assambeg of alexandria , barbarossa , captaine warde , and yagup hemskerk ; tush these were all meere adalantadoes of herring-boates , in respect of the piraticall spirits this climate affords : i say it and i will stand vnto it . the whole countrie is deuided into two signiories : c robbers-waldt and lieger demaine : the first of which butts vpon fooliana and an angle of tenter-belly : the latter lyeth more west , and ( against all custome of the other theeuingers , the wandring robber swalders ) keepes it selfe in the owne bounds : but both of them are barbarous and vtterly inhospitable . the conditions of the robbers-walders . chap. . robberswaldt is diuided from the two foolianaes , by the fennes , vsually called filtching-fennes , wherein there are more ilands , or full as many , as is in the riuer rawley of guiana , made by the turnings of the water . the whole region is so woody and mountainous , that it seemes rather a desart then a place inhabited : and ( as strabo saith of a cittie in the world ) is to be held fitter for rebellion then habitation . their a language is very crabbed , i could not possibly learne it ; onely i obserued some welsh words , taught them as it seemes by some ancient trauellers of our westerne brittons . this signiorie is indifferent well peopled , but vnder no forme of rule : each man holds himselfe borne onely for himselfe , and so liueth obeying and respecting himselfe onely . what he can bereaue another of ( by any violence whatsoeuer ) is forth-with his owne , as good and lawfull prize : and the more powerfull he growes , the more he is feared , and is attended by the more vndersharkers that are his followers : they liue all in certaine families , all which giue due obedience to the father of the houshold and euery one forbeares his own bloud , and robs where he can besides , freely & without controll both the fooliana's had by these sharkers bin long since eaten vp , but that the inhabitants are faine to pay yearely a great sum of money , for their protection all the yeare after . this ransome ( for a kind of ransome it is ) is paid by the principals of fooliana , vnto the chiefe housholders of robberswaldt . in bodily shape they are like vnto vs , sauing that all but the ilanders , haue clawes vpo their hands insteed of nailes : and this is not onely naturall vnto all the robberswalders , but euen to the lieger dumanists also . vpon the mountaines of this soile there breedeth a kinde of people called the sbanditi , and these are especiall keepers of booty-forrest ( a frith so called ) which is of that breadth , that that same high dutch hercynian sherewood , put schwarizwaldt , odenwaldt , steigerwaldt , westerwaldt , behemerwaldt , waldt quoth you ? nay put all the waldts , welts and gards in europe to it : i tell yee , let one word suffice , they all make but a dayes iourney for an irish lowse , ( bee shee neuer so speedie ) if you measure it with this . no , i will bee as good as my word , and iustifie , that if hercynia keepe ten thousand theeues ( as lightlie it doth alwayes , ) booty-forrest shall keepe a thousand thousand : baw waw ! hercynia ? why 't is a blanket for a catte , a petty cock-pitte , nay a very tobaccoboxe in respect of booty-forrest . in this country , you shall not find any man of state but he keeps a fort : yes verily , all garrison soldiars : neither are their fortresses any way beautifull , but they are most iudiciously contriued , both for defence and purueyance : and here , they that liue within keepe all that they purloyne without ( and that is no small prize ) maugre the beard of haughtie zulzemin . no , they are no shitilecocks ! what they haue thei le hold , they are in place , & what 's a mans place if hee make no vse of it ? now in the meane while the poore commonalty vntrusse their states and their port-manuels vnder trees , and lay their noddles close to the stumpe of some ancient oke ; sic fuit ab initio ( quoth the gentleman to the chandlers sonne ) so did your fore-fathers ( my maisters ) be you neuer so top-heauie now , and so do these honest lads , these true tartarians , that neuer keepe one mansion eight and forty houres . but alas ! would this were all : but i must needes goe on . these plaine seeming villiacoes delight in nothing but to lye in waite to make prize of poore passengers , and when they catch them , they strippe them starke naked : they will not leaue them a tatter to serue for a curtaine to the worlds propagatour ; yet will they not murther , as the damned , soulelesse , fiend-bred , hell-borne italian theeues do , & those durty , gut-swolne , toad-sprung germaines , ( they haue no cause indeed , for their fact is not lyable to the lawe ) but him that they vnhuske , they doe presently binde , and carry in state vnto their dukes court , vnto whom hee must sweare perpetuall obedience and loyaltie : which if hee breake either in running his countrie , or in omitting to practise pourloynerie once or twise in a moneth , hee is forthwith condemned to commence at b doctor stories cappe : trusted he shall be no more , but once trust vp for all : this law maketh them maruailous mighty : and againe , the legerdumanists of late enacted this decree , that no yonger brother shall haue any share in the fathers land , and this law hath added a great multitude of voluntaries vnto robbers-waldt , as cannot but appeare to the politique , and him that can ponder it . the deuout foolianders ( as i said before ) loue crosses : well they cannot loue them so much as these hate them . so that though their tribute assure them quiet at home , yet if they bee ouer-taken in robberswaldt , farewell fooliander , vp they goe as round as a iuglers boxe : and the onely cause is , they vse to mock the robberswalders , by making iybbets at them with their fingers . the maine housholders are continually at dissention and ciuill warres amongst themselues , about iniurious booties , forced from one another : and by my faith sir , the whole world fares the better by it : for should these rogish improouers once lay their heads together against our world , we might put vp our pipes , the case is be-shitt , and go cast our capps at the moone , for any state that we should holde long : o sir , vnderstand me , the case is plaine , we were sure of ruine i grant ye that : and so were all that could not stand in defence against them : but the wiser sort of them-selues preuent that , by nousling priuate dissentions at home . it is a great commendation of towardnesse in their children ( as c caesar said of the germaines ) to bee cunning filtchers , in their young yeares : for this arte they teach them euen from their infancies , in precepts which they call hermeticall : ye shall haue the little theeuelings , euen while they suck their mothers brests , to steale needles & pence from out of their purses : but if they either ouer-shoote themselues , & be taken in the maner , by being either too slowe handed , or too boisterous , vp goes their bums incontinent : now as they grow to yeares , so must they augment their practise , by stealing of geese , ducks , or any such like prouant : nor doth any day passe them wherein they do not increase their stock by one lift or other . if their plot chance to haue any dangerous induction about it , then do they content themselues with d stealing a clod from your neighbors land , or a stake from his hedge , least their hands should grow out of vse : this is the ordinary practise of y● borderers of liegerdumaine : betweene it & robberswaldt lieth a large heath called ( e ) lyers-buy plaine , of which you shall heare more here-after , when we haue passed the maritimall coasts of robberswalat . the pyrates , and sea-borderers of robbers-waldt . chap. . these pirates disperse themselues all along the shores of magellanus his straite , on the bankes of theeuingen , and in the iles of filtching-fennes . now they know that no ship that passeth the straite can possibly returne back , the current is so swift , and therefore they stoppe the passage with chaines and shallops , and so make prize of all that should passe : whereby they that goe this voyage , doe seldome or neuer returne , more by reason of the multitude of these pyrates , then the strength of the opposed streame . europe affoords not any sea-man that knowes his bayes , creekes , tides , shelfes , rockes and channells better then these doe generally : besides that they swim as nimbly and as perfectly as the fishes themselues doe . their chiefe hauen is called a kirk-dun , a towne of no great strength , nor compasse : but fraught with as hardie pirates as christendome affordes , and with as great store of stolne ritches . it is situate in that angle of robberswaldt that lyeth iust vpon the head of filtching-fennes , ouer-against a part of tenter-belly . the shores here-abouts , as it is reported , are all ledged with rocks of the loade-stone , which drawe the ships vnto these coasts , that are an incredible distance off , and heere they hold them . but the kirk-duners that sayle out into the maine , and fetch in the merchants , they gette the cash . and strange it is to see how many purchases their bolde valour hath borne from strengths some-times trebbling theirs : some ascribe this vnto the magicall ensignes they haue from fooliana , let the reader choose whether hee will beleeue them or no. the citties armes , is the vulture , that feedes as shee flyes : the word , fruor nec quiesco : ritch and yet restlesse : mantled , geules ; doubled , ermines . a little within the mouth of the riuer filtching , is there another towne , called port van berghen , the queene and lady of all those iles and waters : it taketh tribute of all vessells that passe that way whatsoeuer , they cannot passe ere they paye : and besides , it layeth out great hookes with loade-stones vpon them , where-with it angleth for shipps , iust as wee doe for pikes , troutes , and other fishes : and where it once seazeth , there keepeth it sure hold . in these fens , and in this broade riuer , filled all with iles , you b shall not finde one cottage , nor one boate : partly in that the people doe choose rather to make themselues and their families nests in reeds ( which growe heere in a farre larger size then those of india , ) and partly because they are commixt with the foolianders ( lying one so neere another ) whereof there is none but had rather swim then sayle : so that they are so perfect in that arte , that like to the crocodiles , they liue as much in the water as in the land , and mooue as swiftly as the swifted whirry . and of these doe the nauigators stand more in feare , then of the other pyrates , by much : for these come suddenly vpon them , and many of them clap to them to the ship at once , stay her as fast as if a remora stuck to her keele : and then they tumble her with the bottome vpwards and sinke her , or traile her to a rock , and there wrack her . how the author got into this country : of the harpies . chap. . bvt the reader may well maruell how i came to learne thus much : and make a question whether any man ( that were wise ) would expose himselfe to such a barbarous nations curtesie : well sir i preuented all that . vnderstand , that the foolianders ( the deuout i meane ) and these people hold a iubylee both together , euery fiftie yeare : during the which yeare , they are at peace with all the world , & all men are free from feare of the rankest theefe that breathes . at these times doe men come hether from all parts of this continent : yet at their comming they do giue such gifts to the inhabitants , that this one yeares peace is more profitable vnto them , then foure yeares filching . now it was my chance to light here vpon this very yeare : and so i and my fellow trauellers had the better meanes to take an exact view of the country . onely we were in some feare of the harpies , as we trauelled : our gold got no peace at their hands . they are ( by my troth i know not what ; either fowles or diuels ) & haue kept here ( by report ) euer since ( zethes & calais chased them out of europe : they build their nests with strong beames , laying them a thwart ouer the forked armes of huge growne trees : they are faced like owles , backt & bodied like estridges , fethered like porcupines , beakt and pounced like eagles . truely they made me remember the birds that ( as a one writeth ) do keepe in the diomedaean iles , which would sawne vpon vpon the greekes , and flie at the faces of all men besides : iust so did the harpyes vse vs that were stangers ; they would not touch an inhabitant , but were as familiar with them as tame pidgeons ; but when any of vs came neere them , they would flie vpon vs like fiends : nor can any man passe booty forest , but they teare him all to peeces , vnlesse hee haue a b carauan , of robberswalders for his conuoie . of lyers-bury plaine . the natures of the legerdumaynians . of free-purlogne , and baggs-death , two citties . chap. . now i come againe to lyers-burie plaine , which lieth vpon the easterne verges of robberswaldt and legerdumayne : beeing a a free march vnto them both , there is a riuer runs thorow the midst of it , called b memento , which parts the whole plaine into two : and on this riuer , are diuers of the liegerdumaynians townes of garrisons seated . i am far mistaken if i saw not her some olde monuments of pliny , and herodotus , in this very dale . mercurius gallobelgicus , has built himselfe a delicate house in the country : and there is a certaine c cardinall ( an historian ) that hath layd the foundations of a mighty and spacious castle in these quarters . for euer since spaine got the conquest of those indies that ioyne vpon this land , the liegerdumanians haue giuen leaue to the iesuites ( those busy-bauds , that must scald their lips in the whole worlds pottage ) to visite , and to inhabite this land , which the robberswalders irruptions had otherwise vtterly dispeopled . here are many astrology schooles , whose professors are more in fauour with the liegerdumanians , then any other artists whatsoeuer , excepting poets & lawiers . in this very place , did i ( better confesse here then in a worse place ) set vp a schoole my selfe , and read the lecture of spying maruells in the heauens vrinall as methodically as any star-gazer a● thē all : i had my ptolomy , my guido bonatus , my bencorat , my zahel , my messahalach , my albohali , my hali aben razehell , al at an inch : and by their prescriptions wrote d an infallible prognostication of these present times . these liegerdumaynians are far more sociable ( at least more circumspect & secret in their villanies ) then the robberswalders ; for that which these doe in publike , the leigerdumaynians doe very closely : liuing vnder a law , & a prince also , called ( as i heard ) by the name of tiberiodi goldē-gripi : who keepeth state in free-purloine , a delicate citty in the very inmost edge of lyers-burie plaine : they neuer stir abroad on the day time , but effect all their businesse in the night : they hate the sunne and loue the moone , both with the extreamest of affection . the trees of this soile are naturally so viscous , y● no bird can light in them but she is presently taken . the greatest town of trafike in al this tract , is bagges-death otherwise called e bolseco , wherein there are two streetes , tongue-street , and pawns-brooke , which two in my iudgment exceed all the streetes of any one citty in the world , for largenesse , for buildings . tonguestreete is the rendeuous of all the lawiers , and cause-mongers : pawnes-brooke , of the vsurers , brokers , and taylers . and surely there is no nation vnder heauen so stored with lawiers as this is : who ( as f plautus saith of one ) if they wante meanes of contention , play the seed-men , and sow them themselues . our westminster , lay all the innes of court , and chancery to it , is but a very katherines hall , to the vtter temple of this streete : and yet , though their number do daily increase , it is held notwithstanding by the best politicians of the land , that they cannot continue . for when they haue lickt vp all the whole country ( as they haue almost done already ) they must needs lacke clyents , and so for want of emploiment goe to law one with another , & by that meanes disperse their euill gotten goods amongst the cōmunalty againe , to leaue their posterity the means of more gainefull trading . the lawiers men are all suted in g party coloured liueries ; to signifie that their maisters are ready to take fees on either side . now as for their emploiment , the vsurers doe make them the most of it , togither with the violent riuer fraude , which running amongst the h quirkney iles , eateth one peece away here , and casteth it vp , there ; and afterward washeth it from thence , and laies it in a third place ; changing his course now and then , and taking away one mans whole inheritance , to giue it vnto another , this it is that makes worke for the lawiers . the inhabitants are most of them ( as the high-land men of the alpes are ) troubled with chowles vnder their chins , called the i mony-chokes ; a malady so ordinary amongst them that they neither care for curing it nor couering it . but here is a strange worke of nature : their skinnes doe naturally attract gold and siluer , with as powrefull a strength , as the loadestone draweth steele , and holds it as fast : a thing that was neuer seene elsewhere , and therefore the worthier of record . pawnes-brooke is peopled with all sorts of artificers : yet they open no shops : but euery one attends the passengers at his owne dore with what lack yee gentlemen , & then if he get a chapman , hee leads him in , and shewes him his wares in priuate . k one will shew yee a chaine crusted offer with thin plates of gold ; and sweare , that india nor arabia did euer afford purer mettall . another cheares yee with a counterfeite musk-cod : a third with pearles , so rarelie adulterate both for l weight , fashion , clearenesse , smoothnesse and biggenesse , that you cannot discerne them from true ones : and then hee will shew yee the shells wherein they grew . and here yee shall haue your lapidaries , with gemmes of all sortes , able to delude any eye in the world : the cyprian dyamond , the corynthian hephestiles , the sicilian agat , the aegiptian galactites , the arabian asbest , the macedonian paeanites , the asian alabandine , the indian berill , the english ieat , the persian eagle-stone , the african chalcedon , the scithian smaragde , the germaine corneil , the aethiopian chrysolite , the lybian carbuncle ; here they are all ; al singularly forged . apothecaries there are also here in great abundance , and these do nothing but sophisticate receites with their succedanea , & their quid pro quo : it would aske a great volum to make a perticular discouery of their deceites . but one thing i am amazed at , & grieue at their successe herein , they are neuer takē in their falsifications , be they neuer so grosse : nor do they feare any trial of their forgeries , but only that of the fire . when they are tript , they are punished with al seuerity : but they haue this preuention for that : they can change their shapes , voices , trades & habits , vpō an instant , so cunningly , that he doth but wash an ethiop that seeketh for him to day that couzend him yesterday . there is a famous schoole in the suburbes , where art spagirike ( pardon me you alchymists , or blame your selues , that haue giuen falshood so good a name ) is read vnto the youth of the city . and here they haue a booke which they hold as holy as the turkes do their alcaron , it is called , the history of mercury , ( a booke vnknowne to vs ) wherein is related , how he in his infancy stole neptunes mace , mars his sword , phaebus his bow and shafts ; vulcans tongues , and venus her girdle : and how hee proloind ioues thunder , being as then so young as it seemed m hee had learnt the art of filtching in his mothers belly . it conteyned furthermore , all the documents of deceite and cousenage whatsoeuer . teaching the student of it how to picke lockes , how to draw latches , how to treade without noise , how to angle in a lockt chest with a twined thred : how to him the pence and neuer touch the purse : how to forsweare an ill deede without blushing & a thousand such secrets that i might haue learned but that i cared not for their art caballist . but of all of them , the inkeepers are the knaues rampant : so faithlesse , that the traueller dares neither trust his purse vnder his pillow , nor in any iron casket whatsoeuer , but must bee faine ( as n the iewes did , beeing besieged ) to engorge his gold for all the night , and seeke it in his close-stoole the next morning , it would bee gone else euery quart d'escu . the villages are inhabited with none but o millers and taylers , and vnlesse you happe here and there to finde some stragling gypsies . of lurtch-wit , a county in legerdumaine . chap. . lvrtch-witte a large county , lieth on the west of this leigerdumaine , wherein is the cittie rigattiera , new repaired : nere vnto which is mount a scapula , a very high hill . a poet that is a critique may here finde many ancient monuments . one stone i saw here whereon were engrauen certain greeke verses , b stolne by homere from orpheus and musaeus . from orpheus , these . c 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . and from musaeus this . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . i found also many of virgils vpon another stone , which the inhabitants said he had hought of by the knees out of homer and hesiod . here were also some of petrarchs , nimd from another d tuscane poet : and many other such like monuments . on the south part , lieth e rapineux , a plaine all full of rubbish and ruines , which shew that there hath beene many cities there : but they were all pulled down long ago , to build those two magnificent piles , penny-patron , and chaffer-kirke : so that you shall see in this country , many old churches turned into stables , streetes into pastures , and steeples into priuies . besides this , the riuer fraude doth continually teare away one peece or other from this part of the country , and laieth it either on the marshes of lurtch-wit , or f stille-more . of still-more . chap. . this prouince is in the hands of a monstrous kinde of men , such as you see pictured in munster and maundeuill , with heads like hogges . they go alwaies vpon their hands and knees , least they should otherwise misse any thing as they passe along the streetes , that were worth the taking vp . their voice is a kinde of grunting , nor haue they other speach . none may dwell amongst them , but a old folkes . their youth they doe spend in booty-forrest ( if they be valiant ) or else in bags-death schooles : the inhabitants are all husbandmen , marchants , and mettall-mongers . they do eat earth ( as b the wolfe doth when hee is to go to fight ) almost continually : yet some there are that eate nothing at all ; but liue vpon the sight onely of gold and siluer . they neuer sleepe but with their eyes open ; herein onely c resembling the lyon. they serue a god whom they call quadagno , with al superstitious reuerēce : they neuer goe to their rest but when they haue seene him : nor doe they eate but in his presence . touching the citties of this prouince , there is swine-borow , a filthy towne , a very stincking heape : but then is there gatherington d hoord-sterdam , and lockadolid , all handsomly built things , marry i could not come to view them within : by reason that euery particular citizen in all these places hath a priuate key for the gates , to lock at his going in & out , so that by this meanes they preuent all strangers accesse . the residue of this nation liue more like swine then men , in the ilands of hoggs-bourg and the scrapiglias . these men , townes , and manners , did i behold , admire , and laugh at : and after . yeares trauell , growing weary of wandring , i returned into my natiue country . finis . the cambridge pilgrime . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e seneca in mcdea . notes for div a -e a for gluttony is the induction vnto lecherie . b a fat belly makes a leane braine . c this birds picture is to be seene in the largest maps of the vvorld , with an elephant in his pounces . and for his insatiate greedinesse , is held to be the regions genius . d and so are most of you belly gods , the inhabitants thereof . f hector boetius , hollingshead , &c. g the dukes of muscouie haue the skins of these creatures kept for their ovvne vses : they grovv in horda zauolh a plaine in scythia , and are called the skins of samarchand . of this lambe you may read in scaliger , excercit . . cardan . baro heberstin . & libau . tract de agno vegetab . h iunenal . satyr . . i whose name vvhen i vvas there , vvas sir spatious mouth . k shropshire & worcestershire . l onely fooliana lyeth betvveene tenter-belly and thriuingois : for if men vvere not fooles they vvould follovv thrift and flie luxurie . a for meate must first be dressed and then eate . b of him here-after . chap. . c othervvise called vvarming-pan . d three villages vvhere spits , kettles and spounes vvere first inuented . e in english moisture . f in darbyshire . a galen knew it not . b plin. lib. chap. . c that is alwaies in the greeke calends . neuer but then . a built in the same fashion that cambalu is , if you were euer there . b from this riuer only the eat-alls haue all their water wherewith they do dresse their meate . volaterr . autropol . l. . c like vnto cartaegena in spaine , but far better seated . d two ports where our hollanders haue much traffique . e two ports where our hollanders haue much traffique . a and reason good the land is called eat-allia . b cambridge and oxford . c this was py-nople the plaine : but oyster pynople , and potato-py-nople are cities in letcheritania , that flourish vntill this day : beeing both founded by hercules , vpon his copulation with . women vpon one night . georg cap. currant . de punct . aretinens . lib. . d spencer in his ruines of time . c if a pasty haue no grauy in it , it is not worth a doite● ▪ f strabo . geog. lib. ▪ g satyra . . h contro . lib. . i a diminutiue of shops you shall find the word in antony mundaies discourse of ●he ref●rmation of redfaces . k in ethic. his name was philoxenus . l which was whilom to be seene in beuer castle . m where lipsius pretendeth that langius and he had that discourse de constantia . martiall epig . lib. . chap. . n iles in the atlantike sea like our orades , where they that haue the fewest teeth are held in highest respect , and hee that hath none , is made a clarissimo of suppington , the chiefe citty of the whole teritorie . o his hang bits . p like him whose epitaph this was : here lyes sir iohn of redcrosse streete : he was beard to th' belly , and belly toth ' fecie . q for some such bookes he wrote , witnesse suidas . r we haue some vniuer side men that are too well read in these authors , yet verily , some study them so sore that they bring themselues of on their legs by it , saith panurg . in his le tric-trac clericorum . s not strained through a colander you must thinke , but seazed vpon by those inquisitors . t so can our poulters here in london , yea and worse , as some report , the deuill con them thanke for it . n at christmas and at shrouetide all the ●akesf●rmers termes a gluttony is a deadly enemy both to hunger and good husbandry . b for an whore wil euer stand between thrift and thee . c and so it is : for giue one his liquor soundly first , and then set him on to sight , and he will rush vpon dangers , the very thought whereof were inough to kil him , were hee sober . a idlenesse hath a great sway among gluttons . b 't is no lesse , beleeue it : if you will not , go and see your selfe , and trust your owne eyes . but we haue englishmen enow that haue beene in idle-bergh , and can auouch this to be true . o anglia quam segnis , quàm insignis ? bucer . c we haue store of them here in england , & most of your beds in court are stuffed with their fethers . i haue seene many of them together flying in companies from one tauerne figne to another , for the space of an whole moneth together d dauies in fuscnm epig. . e the most luxurious nation that euer was . f the two twins of idlenesse . g lib. . cap. a and vnder it were these verses engrauen . frolick fatnesse here doth dvvell : keepe leanesse out and all goes well . sueton. in claud. b the reason of this law is to bee read in the next chapter . c beth-lehem in hebrew , is the house of bread in english d in politic. a almost , not fully so big : it wants some . degrees . . min. . seconds . b into the forrests of theuegen , whereof read the . booke . chap. . a who was . cubites high . plin lib. . chap. . b who was . cubites in height . b yee know that the fettest geese haue the smallest wind-pipes . c the god desse of all shambles and flesh-markets whatsoeuer . d the honester they , to stick so reuel to him . the dukes oration to the people after his election . e lickingoa is a colony , sent from goa in the east-indies , saith pantagruel in his merda geographica . lib. chap. . sect. . a otherwise ( although vnproperly ) called cannibals . b we haue of these beasts here in england , duke humphrey keepes a kennell of them continually . c prouided alwayes , that he can liue no longer . d a munkey will eate the owne taile for hunger . a a drinke made of honey and water . a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , such an inscription is vpon the dolphin in cambridge . b an italian word expressing the noise that the wine maketh in running from the tap . c a beast that is halfe like a goate , and halfe like a stag. d here is no vse of the ol● romane caution , vsed in their meetings , drinke three potts , or fiue , but neuer foure . plutarch . sympos . acad. . athanae . l. plaut . in stich. e a quoniam is a glasse as well knowne in drink-allia , as chaucers old queynt is in letcheri-tania . f the reliques of some ●auerne ca●ch . mero tingit pauimentum superbo . g of one of these might horace haue truly said , aut insanit homo , aut versus facit , the man is mad , or else he maketh verses . h he was a drunken poet and dyed of a surfet . aske francis meres in his vvitts commō wealth if you will not beleeue me . i the wind-pipe office there , is farre greater then the pipe office here in england . in dialog . a or as the helots had with the lacedaemonians . a three such epitaphes in lattine are to be seene at siena , two in san domingo , and one in s. spirito . a if bucklersbury stood alone it were very like this towne . sure as death there is some affinity betweene them ▪ b hackluits voyages affirme as much . c our ordinary passe to ireland is through wales . dionysius is denis , and bacchus both . a otherwise called strong●ieros . notes for div a -e a ouer against moleture and beach . b t were pitty it should be otherwise , being so shrewdly wiued . a it is a prouerb in france that england is the paradice of women , the purgatory of seruants , and the hell of horses . b i beleeue yee sir with a little aequiuo●cation . in collo qui c the chiefe of whom when as i was there were these , the dutchesse of cackletout , the countesse of banne-alleyla the arch-pressbyteresse of slauersperg , the countesse pratline of twitlecome and eight more subordinate electresses . a the states magnificoes . b the sepulchre of modesty is in this towne . c dauncing is here taken in the largest sence , including both the moderne , as galiard , pauan ●ig &c. and the ancient , called the beginning of the world vide rab. apodemat . . chap. . a the mule is held both to conceiue and to beget , in syria , arist . and some hold the like of the hare . a arist . de haeres . b aristo-polit . lib. . . . a ●ust court fashion in england . b that there may bee lesse ho●d taken by their assailants , and more by themselues . aeneid . . c where the women will fal a weeping vpon any wager , euen when they list . d a chaste and modest vvoman , is rara anis ia terris , nigroque simillima cigno iuuenal . notes for div a -e a stultorum plena sunt omnia . b mercator in his atlas geograph , affirmes as much . a as homer saith of thersi●es , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . b cluniacenses . c the trinitarians with square caps . d the tale of the franciscan and the dominican is common . e who were solemnly scourged at the altar of diana . plut. in apoph . f as the indians of brasilia , peru , and other places did when these parts were first discouered . petr. mart. ab anglcria decad. ocean . annal. foolian dens . centur. . sect . . li. . cap. . the foolianders oration vnto the shrewefburg●sses . a it is naturall to the french-man to be a wether cocksape , and to an english-man ( pardon me you few of firmer spirits ) to bee his ape . b virgil. c which is in italian a● butter flye . d sir thomas moore in his eutopia hath a riuer of the same name , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 a iust as our citizens vse a man as long as hee hath cash , you haue him , brow and bosome , but that fayling , my maister is not within sir . a built in the fashion of our exchange & far better traded . b iust such an epitaph is there in bologna in italy in saint peters , beginning , aelia laelia crispis , nec vir nec inulier , nec androgynan , nec casta , &c. c polipus is a disease in the nose , called noli melangere asvvell as a many footed fish . a philosophers that held themselues discussers and exact inquirers of all things . gell. lib. . chap. . b in diog. laert. de lacyda . b so do the parace●sists call their balde●dashe . c cedarine , in paracelsisme is blockish or ignorant . written by ranizouius in a chappell nere to sigeberg . a this the ca●thusians obserue very duly , and deuoutly . b so did one pisander in a melancholy fit . cael rhodig . lib. . chap. . c the inuentor of the macaronicall tongue , hee wrote of the gests of bal●us , cyngar , fracasso , vin●azzo , seraffus , &c. all in strambottologicall verse . a lycanthropi , they are men or women that by sorcery can put on the shapes of wolues , & yet reserue the reason of man. b by a me●tathesis , otherwise called melancholy . c all melancholie is asse-like , or lion-like . the naturall token of choller . mercurial . va● . lection . georg. agric. lib. de subterean . a as much to say fiery-front . rouge in french , is red in english . b iohn fisticankots , aiax his sonne and heyre , according to the pedigree drawne by peter de qui , in his catalogus dunsor . ioannens . lib. . cap. . c built iust after the forme of tangir in africa . d eps , ware , things , and welsh dauie , were whi●om of his gard , as i was credibly enformed by such as knew . e sueton in vitelio . f diod. sicul . g ortel . or 〈◊〉 della ta●a : bellonius ●●ch the ita●●ans , it●ar ●ar bianco . 〈◊〉 scythia it is 〈◊〉 ca●pa●●● , as tzetz● 〈◊〉 . a had not our first parents 〈◊〉 fooles , in 〈◊〉 not beene 〈◊〉 but now it is ▪ a assex in fooliana is larger then our three sexes in england here , essex , middlesex & suffix . b the two winged brethren sonnes vnto boreas : they ridd phineus of the harpyes . c libauius sets downe this rime of alchimy . alchymia est ars sine arte cuius scire est parscum par●e , medium est strenue mentiri . finis , 〈◊〉 dicatum 〈◊〉 . ariost . orland . furios . the author had this description from an experienced geographer , or fooliander . spell the meaning . a so doth theuet call caucasus . b hangmen , and other executioners . c this is a mataphor that needes no glosse . d a iakes farmers burden in the night is called a bride , as i haue heard . e tamen obijcienda memento . f muro bianco carto di matto . a white wall is a fooles booke . a actaeon was eaten vp by dogs , that is , he spent his estate vpon them ▪ b dogs , dice , and ha●kes , the three obiects of prodigali●y . a or flatter itan●a ▪ b ●n one hood . c to sooth , and to backbite . d in english it is praise●all . c bashfull modestie is a foe to flattery . a like madril in spaine . a quasi senza lode , vnworthy of praise . b mangeguadagnos : so the italians cal their seruants ▪ c as he did who demanding lodging at a meane inne , and being asked what hee was : our name quoth he is hernando gonzales ri●adeneira de toledo . by my troth sir ( quoth the hostesse ) wee haue not beds enow for so many . a fortuna fauet fatuis , is not so old as true . b the italians crie so , vnuailing of the picture of our lady of lore●to . a a fellow in homer 〈◊〉 had a voice alowd as fiftie mens . sannazer . b the mi●on of the moone ▪ he slept . years together ere euer hee awaked . c 't is time poore king , for thou hast eaten no meate this three daies . d heu quò decidimus . a thus was hee borne that wrote the hospitall of incurable fool●s . a this was the saturnians opin●on . b the basilidians held that there were . heauens , according to the number of the letters contained in the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 c they were called gnostikes , that is , muddy , for the falthinesse of the misteries , and so were the carpocratians called : iren. l. . c. . d iren. in ep . ad eus●b . these held th●t they might deny , their faith in persecution . hieron . f they had a nevv maner of redeeming their dead with oyle , balsame , water . g they held that christ was that serpent that deceiued . euah and kept a snake vvhich came forth at priests incantations , licken of the offring & then returned to his hold . h these would drinke no wine , but held it to bee brought forth by satan and the earth august de heres . i they held marriage to bee as bad as fornication , & therefore vsed little beds and lesse tables for they eate no flesh . aug. ibid. k they pricked little infants vvith kniues and of the bloud and meale , they made themselues communion cakes . aug. ib. l they held it good seruice vnto god to geld both themselues and strangers m they affirmed that all plants had sence , and therefore they would neuer cut vp any thornes or briers , &c. n these did very continually , it was incredible ( saith august . ) to heare them , they were also called euchites . o those held that the deuill ereated the flesh : and therefore they did so hate it , that many of them killed themselues . p who called themselues new vessells filled with new wine , and bare a barrell about , in their bacchanalles . q so called of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 : they stopt their mouthes & noles with their fingers , and so professed silence . aug. calleth them dac●ylorenchites . r they offred water in the sacrament , insteed of wine . ſ this fellow held that all heresies were true doctrine philaster . t they neuer vsed their wiues carnally , and yet would not liue without them , so that they made w●●ing choise of their neighbours children to inherite their estates . aug. ibi . u the two founders of anabaptisme , or the family of loue . x certaine english brownists , exiled into virginia . a the chamber where the pope is elected . notes for div a -e a a word compounded of theue , in english , and ingenium in latine . b as the spaniard called one of their great caricks , which si● francis drake tooke . her name ( quoth he ) was caca fuego shite-fire before , but now she may be called caca plata , that is , shite-siluer . c as there are two species of this trade , the euery and cousinage a of this language there is an excellent exact discouerie made in thomas deckers bellman , but in his lanthorne and candle-light , he hath out-stript all the world for variety of knowledge in canting . b tiborne was built for him , as some say . c de bello galiico . lib. . d as the welch man stole rushes , onely to keep his hand in vre . a not dun kirke . b no more then the egiptian pyrates had in heliodorus . lib. . a aristot lib. de mirabi . lib. b so doe the turkes cal the from cayro to ormus , and the other po●ts of their traffique . a as the way by the crosse was in camden . i am free marchant as passengers may ken , to scots , to brittaines , and to englishmen . b for a lier must haue a good memory . c if he doe meane baroniu● hee is not farre amisse , many suppose . d right , for this is but a discouery of mundus altered et idem . e of bo●sa vvhich is in spanish , a purse ; and seco , in latine to cut : h●er●nimus b●●secus , that same rare raskall that wrote the liues of caluine and beza , was the founder of this city . f in paenulo . g as the vniuersity shew makers do vsually sute their parasites . h otherwise called th● strophades , of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , to wrest or turne , those quirkneyes are somewhat like our orkeneyes , for situation , but not not for condition . i demosthenes his disease . it raignes here in england , at some seasons of the yeare , very powerfully , god knowes , and to the wrack of many an vpright cause . meliora deus . k clauius chrysopaeiae . lib. . &c. l the fiue true trialls of the goodnesse of pearles . plin. m lucian . n iosep . de bello iudaico . o the two emblemes of the euerie . a scapula stole his greek lexicon , from steuens , and yet durst avow this . hoc ego contendo lexiconesse vovum . b iustin . marter in protreptico ad gentes , and canter . var. lect. p. . c. . c hom. iliad . p. d d●nte , or messier c●no , or sen●ccio , or some of those times . e it is inhabited with none but pursuiuants , and benefice-bar●erers . f otherwise called , neuer-enough . a couetice is called the old mans euill . b gesner . de quadruped . c idem ibid. d ritcher then amsterdam for all that it is called the low-countries store-house . a satyre dedicated to his most excellent maiestie. by george vvither, gentleman. wither, george, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a satyre dedicated to his most excellent maiestie. by george vvither, gentleman. wither, george, - . [ ] p. printed [by thomas snodham] for george norton, and are to be solde at the signe of the red-bull, neere temple-barre, london : . in verse. printer's name from stc. signatures: a-f. the first two leaves are blank except for signature-marks; the last leaf is blank. reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a satyre : dedicated to his most excellent maiestie . by george vvither , gentleman . rebus in aduersis crescit . london : printed for george norton , and are to be solde at the signe of the red-bull , neere temple-barre . . the satyre to the meere covrtiers . sirs , i doe know your mindes , you looke for fees , for more respect then needes , for caps and knees : but be content , i haue not for you now , nor will i haue at all to doe with you . for though i seeme opprest , and you suppos● i must be faine to crouch to vertues foes ; yet know , your fauours i doe now slight more in this distress● , then er'e i did befor● . here to my liege a message i must tell , if you will let me passe , yo● shall doe well ; if you de●i● admittance , why then know , i meane to haue it where you will or no. your formall wisedomes which hath neuer beene in ought yet ( saue in venting fashions ) seene , and deemes that man wa● borne to no intent but to be train'd in apish complement , doth now ( perhaps ) suppose me vndiscreet , and such vn-vsed messages vnmeet . but what of that ? shall i goe sute my matter vnto your wits , that haue but wit to flatter ? shall i , of your opinions so much prize to loose my will , to haue you thinke me wise , who neuer yet to any liking had , vnlesse he were a knaue , a foole , or mad ? you mushromes know , so much i weigh your powers i neither value you , nor what is yours . nay , though my crosses had me quite out-worne , spirit enough i d'e finde your spight to scorne : of which resolu'd , to further my aduenter , vnto my king , without your leaues i enter . to the honest covrtiers . bvt you , whose onely worth doth colour giue to them , that they doe worthy seeme to liue , kinde gentlemen ; your ayde i craue , to bring a satyre to the presence of his king : a show of rudenesse doth my forehead arme , yet you may trust me , i will doe no harme : he that hath sent me , is a subiect true , and one whose loue ( i know ) is much to you : but now he lies bound to a narrow scope , almost beyond the cape of all good hope , long hath he sought to free himselfe , but failes : and therefore seeing nothing else preuailes , me , to acquaint my soueraigne , here he sends , as one despayring of all other friends . i doe presume that you will fauour shew me , now that a messenger from him you know me : for many thousands that his face nere knew blame his accusers , and his fortune rue : and by the helpe which your good word may d●● . he hopes for pitty from his soueraigne to . then in his presence with your fauours grace me , and there 's no vice so great , shall dare out-face me . to the kings most excellent maiesty . a satyre . quid tu , sipe●eo ? vvhat once the poet said , i may avow , t is a hard thing not to write satyres now , since what we speake , abuse raignes so in all , spight of our hearts will be satyricall . let it not therefore now be deem●d strange , my vnsmooth'd lines their rudenesse do not change , nor be distastfull to my graciou● king , though in the cage , my olde harsh notes i sing , and rudely make a satyre here vnfold what others would in neater tearmes haue told . and why ? my friends and meanes in court are scant , knowledge of curious phrase , and forme , i want . i cannot bear 't to runne my selfe in debt , to hire the groome , to bid the page intreat some fauour'd follower ; to vouchsafe his word , to get me a colde comfort from his lord : i cannot sooth , though it my life might saue , each fauourite , nor crouch to euery knaue : i cannot brooke delayes as some men do , with scoffes , and scornes , and tak 't in kindnesse to . for er'e i 'de binde my selfe for some slight grace to one that hath no more worth then his place ; orb● ●base meane free my selfe from trouble , i rather would e●●ure my penance double : cause to be forc'd to what my minde disdaines is worse to me then tortures , rackes , and chaines : and therefore vnto thee i onely flye , to whom there needes no meane but honesty : to thee that lou'st not parasite nor minio● should e're i speake , possesse thee with opinion . to thee that do'st what thou wilt vndertake ▪ for loue of iustice , not the persons sake . to thee that kno'wst how vaine all faire shewes be , that flow not from the hearts sincerity . and canst ▪ though shadowed in the simplest vaile , discerne both loue and truth , and where they faile : to thee doe i appeale , in whom heau'n knowes , i next to god my confidence repose . for can it be , thy grace should euer shine , and not enlighten such a cause as mine ? can my hopes ( fixt in thee great king ) be dead ? or thou those satyres hate thy forrests bred ? where shall my second hopes he founded then , if euer i haue heart to hope agen ? can i suppose a fauour may be got in any place when thy co●rt yeel●● it not ? or that i may obtaine it in the land , when i shall be deni'd it at thy hand ? a●d if i might , should i so fond on 't be , to tak 't of other● when i miss't of thee ? or if i did , can i haue comfort by it , when i shall t●inke my so●●raig●e did denie it ? no , were i sure , i to thy hate were borne , the loue of halfe the world beside i 'de scorne . but why should i thy fauour here distrust , that haue a cause so knowne , and knowne so iust ? which not alone my inward comfort doubles , but all suppos'd me wrong'd that heare my troubles . nay , though my fault were reall , i beleeue , thou art so royall that thou wouldst forgiue . for well i know thy sacred m●iestie , hath euer beene admir'd for clemencie . and at thy gentlene● the world hath wondred , for making sunshine , where thou mightst haue thundred . yea , thou in mercy life to them didst giue that could not be content to see thee liue . and can i thinke that thou wilt make me , then , the most vnhappy of all other men ? or le● thy loyall subiect , against reason , be punisht more for loue , then some for treason ? no , thou didst neuer yet thy glory staine , with an iniustice to the meanest swaine . 't is not thy will i 'me wrong'd , nor dost thou know if i haue suffred iniuries or no. for if i haue not heard false rumours flye , th'a●t grac'd me with the stile of honesty . and if it were so ( as the world thinkes 't was ) i cannot see how it should come to passe that thou , from whose free tongue proceedeth nought which is not correspondent with thy thought . those thoughts to , being fram'd in reasons mould , should speake that once , which should not euer hold . but passing it as an vncertaintie , i humbly begge thee , by that maiestie , whose sacred glory strikes a louing-feare into the hearts of all , to whom 't is deare : to deigne me so much fauour , without merit , as reade this plaint , of a distempred spirit : and thinke , vnlesse i saw some hideous storme too great to be indu●'d by such a worme , i had not thus presum'd vnto a king , w●th aesops flye ▪ to seeke an eagles wing . but know i 'me he that entred once the list , gainst all the world to play the satyrist : t was i , that made my measures rough , and rude , daunce arm'd with whips , amid'st the multitude , and vnappalled with my charmed scrowles , teaz'● angry monsters in their lurking holes : i 'ue plaid with wasps , and hornets without feares , till they grew mad , and swarmd about my eares . iu'e done it , and me thinkes 't is such braue sport , i may be stung , but n●re be sorry for 't . for all my griefe is , that i was so sparing ▪ and had no more in 't worth the name of daring . he that will taxe these times , must be more bitter , tart lines of vinegar , and gall are fitter ▪ my fingers , and my spirits are benum'd , my inke runs forth too smooth , t is too much gum'd i d'e haue my pen so paint it , where it traces , each accent should draw bloud into their faces . and make them , when their villanies ●re blaz●d . shudder , and startle , as men halfe amaz●d , for feare my verse should make so loud a din , heauen hearing , might raine vengeance on their sin . oh no● for s●ch a straine● would art could teach it , though life my spirits i consum'd to reach it . i d'e learne my muse so braue a course to flye , men should admire the power of poesie . and those that dar'd her greatnesse to resist , quake , euen at naming of a satyrist . but when hi● sco●rging numbers flow'd with wonder , should cry god blesse vs , as they did at thunder . alas ! my lines came from me too too dully , they did not fill a satyres mouth vp fully . hot bloud , and youth , enrag'd with passion● store , taught me to reach a straine nere touch'd before . but it was coldly done , i throughly chid not : and somewhat there is yet to doe , i did not . more soundly could my scourge haue yerked many , which i omit not , cause i feared any . for want of action , discontentments rage , base dis-respect of vertue ( in this age ) with other things , vnto my selfe a wrong , made me so fearelesse , in my carelesse long : that had not reason within compasse wonne me , i had told truth enough to haue vndo●e me : ( nay , haue already , if that her diuine and vn●eene power , can doe no more then mine . ) for though fore-seeing warinesse was good , i fram'd my stile , vnto a milder mood , and clogging her thigh-towring wing● with mire , made her halfe earth , that was before all fire . then being ( as you saw ) disguis'd in shew , clad like a satyre , brought her forth to view : hoping , ( her out-side being mis-esteem'd ) she might haue passed , but for what she seem'd : yet some , whose comments iumpe not with my minde in that low phrase , a higher reach woul● finde . and out of their deepe iudgement seeme to know , what 't is vncertaine if i meant or no : ayming thereby , out of some priuate hate , to worke my shame , or ouerthrow my state . for amongst many wrongs my foe doth doe me , and diuers imputations , laid vnto me , deceiued in his ayme , he doth mis-conster that which i haue enstil'd a man-like monster , to meane some priuate person in the state , whose worth , i thinke to wrong out of my hate ; vpbraiding me i from my word doe start , either for want of a good ground , or heart , cause from his expectation i doe vary in the denying of his commentary , whereas 't is knowne i meant abuse the while , not thinking any one could be so vile , to merit all those epithites of shame . how euer many doe deserue much blame . but say i grant that i had an intent to haue it so ( as he interprets ) meant , and let my gracious liege , suppose there were one whom the state may haue some cause to feare , or thinke there were a man ( and great in court ) that had more faults then i could well report , suppose i knew him , and had gone about by some particular markes to paint him out , that he best knowing his owne faults might see , he was the man i would should noted be : imagine now such doings in this age , and that this man so pointed at should rage , call me in question , and by his much threatning , by long imprisonment , and ill intreating , vrge a confession : wer 't not a mad part for me to tell him what lay in my heart ? doe not i know a great mans power and might , i● spight of innocence , can smother right . colour his villanies , to get esteeme , and make the honest man the villaine seeme ? and that the truth i told should in conclusion ▪ for want of power , and friends , be my confusion ? i know it , and the world doth know 't is true ; yet●i protest , if such a man i knew , that might my countrey preiudice , or thee , were he the greatest , or the proudest hoe that breathes this day : if so it might be found , that any good to either might redound , so farre i 'le be ( though fate against me run ) from starting off , from that i haue begun , i vn-appalled dare in such a case rip vp his foulest crimes before his face , though for my labour i were sure to drop into the mouth of ruine without hope . but such strange farre-fetcht meanings they haue sought , as i was neuer priuy to in thought : and that vnto particulars would tye which i intended vniuersally . whereat some , with displeasure ouer-gone , those i scarce dream'd of , saw , or thought vpon ▪ maugre those caueats , on my satyres brow , their honest , and iust passage disallow . and on their heads so many censures rake , that spight of me , themselues they 'le guilty make . nor is 't enough to swage their discontent , to say i am ( or to be ) innocent . for as , when once the lyon made decree ▪ no horned beast should nigh his presence be , that , on whose fore-head onely did appeare , a bunch of flesh , or but some tuft of haire , was euen as farre in danger as the rest , if he but said , it was a horned beast : so , there be now , who thinke in that their power , is of much force , or greater farre then our ; it is enough to proue a guilt in me ▪ because ( mistaking ) they so think 't to be . yet'tis my comfort , they are not so high ▪ but they must stoope to thee and equity . and this i know , though prick't , they storme agen the world doth deeme them ne're the better men . to stirre in filth , makes not the stench the lesse , nor doth truth feare the frowne of mightinesse . because those numbers she doth deigne to grace , men may suppresse a while , but ne're to deface . i wonder , and 't is wondred at by many , my harmelesse lines should br●ed distaste in any : so much , that whereas most good men approue , my labour to be wo●thy thankes , and loue ; i as a ●illaine , and my countries foe , should be imprison'd , and so strictly to , that not alone my liberty is bar'd , but the resort of friends ( which is more hard ▪ ) . and whil'st each wanton , or loose rimers pen , with oily words , sleekes o're the sinnes of men , v●iling his wits to euery puppets becke , which e're i 'le doe , i 'le ioy to breake my necke . ( i say ) while such as they in euery place can finde protection , patronage and grace ; if any looke on me , 't is bu● a skaunce , or if i get a fauour , 't is by chaunce . i must protect my selfe : poore truth and i , can haue scarce one speake for our honesty . then whereas they , can gold , and gifts attaine , malitious hate , and enuie is my gaine . and not alone haue here my freedome lost , whereby my best hope 's likely to be crost : but haue beene put to more charge in one day then all my patrons bounties yet will pay . what i haue done was not for thirst of gaine , or out of hope preferments to attaine . since to contemne them , would more profit me , then all the glories in the world that be : yet they are helps to vertue , vs'd aright , and when they wanting be , she wants her might . for eagles mindes ne're f●t a rauens fea●her , to dare , and to be able , sute together . but what is 't i haue done so worthy bla●e , that some so eagerly pursue my fame ? vouchsafe to view 't with thine owne eyes , and try ( saue want of art ) what fault thou canst espy . i haue not sought to scandalize the state , nor sowne sedition , nor made publicke bate . i haue not aym'd at any good mans fame , nor taxt ( directly ) any one by name . i am not he that am growne discontent with the religion , or the gouernment . i meant no ceremonies to protect , nor do● i fa●our any new-sprung sect ; but to my satyres gaue this onely warrant , to apprehend and punish vice apparant . who ayming in particular at none , in generall vpbraided euery one : that each ( vnshamed of himselfe ) might view that in himselfe , which no man dares to shew . and hath this age bred vp neat vice so tenderly she cannot brooke it to be touch'd so sl●nderly ? will she not bide my gentle satyres bites ? harme take her then , what makes she in their sights ? if with impatience she my whip-cord feele , how had she raged at my lash of steele ? but am i call'd in question for her c●use , is 't vice that these afflictions on me drawes ? and neede i now thus to apologize ▪ onely because i scourged villanies ? must i be faine to giue a reason why , and how i dare , allow of honesty ? whilst that each fl●ering parasite is bold thy royall brow vndaunted to behold : and euery temporizer strike● a string , that 's musicke for the hearing of a king. shall not he reach out , to obtaine as much , who dares more for thee then a hundred such ? heauen grant her patience , my muse takes't so badly , i feare sheel'● loose her wits , for she raues madly . yet let not my dread soueraigne too much blame h●r whose awfull presenc● , now hath made her tam●r . for if there be no fly but hath her spleene , nor a poore pismire , but will wreake her teene ; how shall i then , that haue both spleene , and gall , being vniustly d●alt with , beare with all ? i yet with patience take what i haue borne , and all the worlds ensuing hate can scorne : but 't were in me as much stupidity , not to haue feeling of an iniury , as it were weaknesse not to brooke it well . what others therefore thinke i cannot tell ; but he that 's lesse then madde , is more then man , who sees when he hath done the best he can to keepe within the bounds of innocence : sought to discharge his due to god and prince : that he , whil'st villanies vnreproued goe , scoffing , to see him ouer-taken so , should haue his good intendments misconce●●'d , be of his dearest liberty bereau'd ; and which is worse ; without reason why , be frown'd on by authorities grim eye . by that great power my soule so much doth feare , she scornes the stearn'st frownes of a mortall peere . but that i vertue loue , for her owne sake , it were enough to make me vndertake to speake as much in praise of vice agen , and practise some to plague these shames of me● , i meane those my ac●us●rs , who mistaking my true conceit● , frame some of their owne making ▪ but if i list , i neede not buy so dee●e , the iust reuenge i could bring on them here . i could frame measures in this my iust fury , should sooner finde them guilty then a iury : whose ●ords , like swords ( tempred with art ) should pierce and hang , and draw , & quarter them in verse . or i could racke them on the wings of fame , ( and he 's halfe hang'd ( they say ) hath an ill name , ) yea i d'e goe neere to make these spightfull elues , lyca●bes-like , be glad to hang themselues . and though this age will not abide to heare those faults reprou'd , vvhom custome hath made deare . y●t if i pleased , i could write their crimes , and stone them vp in walles for after-times : for theyl 'e be glad ( perhaps ) that shall ensue , to see some story of their fathers true . or should i smother'd be in darknesse still , i might not vse the freedome of a quill : 't would raise vp brauer spirits then my owne , to make my cause , and this their guilt more knowne . who by that subiect should get loue , and fame , vnto my foes disgrace , and endlesse shame : those i do mean , whose comments haue mis-vs'd me , and to those peeres i honour , haue accus'd me : making against my innocence their batteries , and wronging them by their base fl●tteries : but of reuenge i am not yet so faine , to put my selfe vnto that needlesse paine : because i know a greater power there is , that noteth smaller iniuries then this ; and being still as iust as it is strong , apportions due reuenge for euery wrong . but why ( say some ) should his too saucy rimes , thus t●xe the wise and great ones of our times ? it su●es not with his yeares to be so bould , nor fits it vs , by him to be contrould . i must confesse ( ' ●is very true indeede ) such should not of controuling stand in neede ▪ but blame not me , i saw good ver●ue poore , desert , amongst the most , thrust out of doore , honestie hated , curtesie banished , rich men excessiue , poore men famished : coldnesse in zeale , in lawes much partiality ; friendship , but complement , and vaine formality . art i perceiue contemn'd , while most aduance ( to offices of worth ) rich ig●orance . and those that should our lights and teachers be , liue ( if not worse ) as wantonly as we . yea i saw natur● , from her course runne backe , disorders grow , good orders goe to wracke . so to encrease what all the rest began , i to this current of confu●io● ran . and seeing age left off the place of guiding , thus plaid the sawcy wagge , and fell to chiding . wherein , how euer some ( perhaps ) may deeme , i am not so much faulty as i seeme : for when the elders wrong'd susannaes honor , and none withstood the shame they laid vpon her ; a childe rose vp to stand in her defence , and spight of wrong , confirm'd her innocence : to shew those must not , that good vndertake , straine curtsey , who shall doe 't , for manners sake . nor doe i know , whether to me god gaue , a boldnesse more then many other haue , that i might shew the world what shamefull blot vertue by her lasciuious elders got . nor is 't a wonder , as some doe suppose , my youth so much corruption can disclose ; since euery day the sunne doth light mine eyes , i haue experience of new villanies : but it is rath●r to be wondred how , i either can , or dare , be honest now . and though againe there be some others rage ▪ that i should dare ( so much aboue mine age ) thus censure each degree , both yong and old , i see not wherein i am ouer-bold . for if i haue beene plaine with vice i care not , there'● nought that i know good , & can , & dare not ▪ onely this one thing doth my minde deterre , euen a feare ( through ignorance ) to erre . but oh knew i , what thou would'st well approue , or might the small'st respect within thee moue ; so in the sight of god it might be good , and with the quiet of my conscience stood , ( as well i know thy true integrity , would command nothing against piety , ) there 's nought so dangerous , or full of feare , that for my soueraignes sake i would not dare . which good beliefe would it did not possesse thee ; prouided some iust tri●ll might re-blesse me : yea , though a while i did endure the gall of thy displeasure , in this loathsome thrall . for notwithstanding in this place i lye ●y the command of that authority , of which i haue so much respectiue care , that in my owne ( and iust ) defence i feare to vse the free speech that i doe intend , least ignorance , or rashnesse should offend . yet is my meaning and my thought a●free , from wilfull wronging of thy lawes or thee ▪ a● he to whom thy place or person 's dearest , or to himselfe that findes his conscience clearest . if there be wrong , 't is not my making it , all the offence i● some's mistaking it . and is there any iustice borne of late , makes those faults mine , which others perpetrate ? what man could euer any age yet finde that spent his spirits in this thanklesse kinde shewing his meaning , to such words could tye it ▪ that none should either wrong ▪ or mis-apply it ? nay , your owne lawes , which ( as you doe intend ) in plain'st and most effectuall words are pend , cannot be fram'd so well to your intent , but some there be will erre from what you meant . and yet ( alas ) must i be ty'd vnto what neuer any man before could doe ? must all i speake , or write , so well be done , that none may picke more meanings thence then one ? then all the world ( i hope ) will leaue dis-vnion . and euery man become of one opinion . but if some may , what care so ere we tak● diuers constructions of our writings make the charitable reader should conceaue the best intentions mine , and others leaue : chiefly in that , where i fore-hand protest , my meaning euer was the honestest . and if i say so , what is he may know so much as to affirme it was not so ? sit other men so neere my thought to show it ? or is my heart so open that all know it ? sure if it were , they would no such things see , as those whereof some haue accused me . but i am carelesse how 't be vnderstood , because the heauens know my intent was good . and if it be so , that my too free rimes doe much displease the world , and these bad times ; t is not my fault , for had i beene imploy'd in something else , all this had now beene voyd . or if the world would but haue granted me wealth , or affaires , whereon to busie me , i now vnheard of , peraduenture than , had beene as mute as some rich cleargie-man . but they are much deceiu'd that thinke my minde will e're be still , while it can doing finde , or that vnto the world so much it leanes , as to be curtold for default of meanes . no , though most be , all spirits are not earth , nor suiting with the fortunes of their birth , my body 's subiect vnto many powers , but my soule '● free , as is the emperours : and though to curbe her in , i oft assay , she 'le breake in 't action spight of durt and cl●y . and is 't not better then , to take this course , then f●ll to study mischiefes , and doe worse ? i say she must haue action , and she shall : for if she will , how can i doe withall ? and let those that or'e-busie thinke me ▪ know , he made me , that knew why he made me so . and though there 's some that say , my thoughts doe flye a pitch beyond my states sufficiency ; my humble minde , i giue my sauiour thanke , aspires nought yet , aboue my fortunes ranke . but say it did , wil 't not befit a man , to raise his thoughts as neere heau'n as he can ? mu●t the free spirit ty'de and curbed be , a●●o●ding to the bodies pouerty ? or can it euer be so subiect to base change , to rise and fall , as fortunes doe ? men borne to noble meanes and vulgar minde● enioy their wealth , and there 's no law that bindes such to abate their substance , though their pa●es want braine , and they worth , to possesse their states ▪ so god to some , doth onely great mindes giue , and little other meanes whereon to liue . what law , or conscience , then shal make thē smother their spirit , which is their life , more then other t' abate their substance ? since if 't were confest , that a braue minde could euer be supprest , were't reason any should himselfe depriue of what the whole world hath not power to giue ? since wealth is common , and fooles get it to , when to giue spirit's more then kings can doe ? i speake not this , because i thinke there be , more then the ordinariest gifts in me ; but against those who thinke i doe presume on more then doth befit me to assume , or would haue all , whom fortune barres from store , make themselues wretched , as she makes them poore . and cause in outward things she is vnkinde , smother the matchlesse blessings of their minde : whereas ( although her fauours doe forsake them ) their mindes are richer then the world can make thē . why should a good attempt disgraced seeme , because the person is of meane esteeme ? vertue 's a chaste queene , and yet doth not scor●e to be embrac'd by him that 's meanest borne . she is the prop , that maiesties support , yet one whom slaues as well as kings may court. she loueth all that beare affection to her , and yeelds to any that hath heart to wooe her . so vice , how high so e're she be in place , is that which groomes may spit at , in d●sgrace . she is a strumpet , and may be abhorr'd , yea spu●n'd at , in the bosome of a lord. yet had i spoke her faire , i had b●ene free , as many others of her louers be . if her escapes i had not chanc'd to tell , i might haue be●ne a villaine , and done well . gotten some speciall fauour , and not sate as now i doe , shut vp within a grate . or if i could haue hap't on some loose straine ▪ that might haue pleas'd the wanton readers vaine : or but claw'd pride , i now had beene vnblam'd : ( or else at least there 's some would not haue sham'd to plead my cause : ) but see my fatall curse , sure i was either madde , or somewhat worse : for i saw vices followers brauely kept , in silkes they walk'● , on beds of downe they slept richly they fed , on d●inties euermore , they had their pleasure , they had all things store , ( whil'st vertue ●egg'd ) yea fauours had so many , i knew they brook 't not to be touch'd of any : yet could not i , like othe● men , be wise , nor learne for all this , how to temporize ; but must ( with too much honesty made blinde ) vpbraid this loued darling of mankinde ; whereas i might haue better thriu'd by fayning , or if i could not choose but be complayning , more safe i might haue rail'd on vertue sure , because her louers , and her friends are fewer , i might haue brought some other thing to passe , made fidlers song● , or ba●lets , like an asse . or any thing almost indeed but this , yet since 't is thus , i m'e glad 't is ●o amisse ; because if i am guilty of a crime , 't is that , wherein the best of euery time , hath beene found faulty ( if they faulty be ) that doe reproue abuse and villanie . for what i 'me tax't , i can examples show , in such old authors as this s●ate alow . and i would faine once learne a reason why they can haue kinder vsage here then i. i muse men doe not now in question call , seneca , horace , perseus , iuvenall . and such as they ; or why did not that age in which they liued , put them in a cage ? if i should say that men were iuster then , i should neere hand , be made vnsay't agen . and therefore sure i thinke i were as good leaue it to others to be vnderstood ; yet i as well may speake as deeme amisse , f●r such this ages curious cunning is i scarcely dare to let my heart thinke ought , for there be those will seeme to know my thought , who may out-face me that i thinke awry , when there 's no witnesse but my conscience by . and then i likely am as ill to speede , as if i spake or did amisse indeede , yet l●ast those who ( perhaps ) may malice this interpret also these few lines amisse , let them that after thee shall read or heare , from a rash censure of my thoughts forbeare . let them not mold the sense that this containes according to the forming of their braines , or thinke i dare , or can , here taxe those peeres , whose worths their honours to my soule endeares , ( those by whose loued-fear'd authority ) i am restrained of my liberty : for least there yet may be a man so ill , to haunt my lines with his blacke comment still , ( in hope my lucke againe may be so good , to haue my words once rightly vnderstood ) this i protest , that i doe not condemne ought as v●iust that hath beene done by them ; for though my honest h●●rt not guilty be , of the lea●t thought , that may disparage me , yet ●hen such men as i , shall haue such foes , accuse me of such crimes , to such as those , till i had meanes my innocence to show , their iustice could haue done no lesse then so . nor haue i such a proud-conceited wit , or selfe-opinion of my knowledge yet , to thinke it ●ay not be that i haue run vpon some errors in what i haue done , worthy this punishment which i endure , ( i say i cannot so my selfe assure ) for 't is no wonder if their wisedomes can , discouer impe●fections in a man so weake a● i ▪ ( more then himselfe doth see , since my sight , dull with insufficiencie , in men more graue and wiser fa●re then i , innumerable errors doth espy , which they with all their knowledge i 'le be bold . can●ot , or will not , in themselues behold ) but ere i will my selfe accuse my song , o● keepe a tongue shall doe my heart that wrong to say i willingly in what i pe●d did ought which might a goods mans ●ight offend , or with my knowledge did insert one word , that might disparage a true honour'd lord ▪ let it be in my mouth a helplesse sore , and neuer speake to be beleeued more . but man irresolute is , vnconstant , weake , and doth his purpose oft through frailty breake ▪ least therefore i by force hereafter m●y be brought from this minde , and these words vnsay ▪ here to the world i doe proclaime before , ●ere my resolution be so poore , 't is no● the right , but might that makes me doe it , yea nought but fearefull basenesse brings me to it , which i● i still hate , as i now detest , neuer can come to ha●bour in my brest . thus my fault then ( if they a fault imply ) is not alone an ill vnwillingly , but also , might i know it , i intend , not onely to acknowledge , but amend : hoping that thou wilt not be so seuere , to punish me aboue all other here . but for m'intents sake , and my loue to truth , impute my errors to the heate of youth ▪ or rather ignorance , then to my w●ll , which sure i am was good , what e're be ●ll , and like to him now , in whose place thou art , what e're the resdue be , accept the heart . but i grow tedious , and my loue abus'd disturbs my thoughts , and makes my lines confus'd : yet pardon me , and daigne a gracious ey● on this my rude vnfill'd apologie . let not the bluntnesse of my phrase offend , weigh but the matter ▪ and not how 't is pend . by these abrupt lines in my iust defence , iudge what i might say , for my innocence . and thinke i more could speake , that here i spare , becau●e my power ●uites not to what i dare . my vnaff●ct●d stile re●aynes ( you see ) her old frize cloake of yo●ng rusticitie ▪ if others will vs● nea●er tea●m●● , they may , ruder i am yet loue as well as they . and ( though if i would smooth't i cannot doo 't ) my humble heart i bend beneath thy foot : while here my muse her discontent do●h sing to thee her great apollo , and my king : emploring thee by that high sacred name , by iustice , by those powers that i could name : by whatsoe're may moue , entreate i thee , to be what thou art vnto all , to m● . i feare it not , yet giue me leaue to pray , i may haue foes whose power doth beare such sway , if they but say i 'me guilty of offence , 't were vaine for me to pleade my innocence . but as the name of god thou bear'st , i trust thou imitat'st him to , in being iust : that when the right of truth thou com'st to scan , thou l't not respect the person of the man : for if thou doe , then is my hope vndone , the headlong way to ruine i must runne . for whil●t that they haue all the helpes which may procure their pleasure with my soone decay ▪ how is it like that i my peace can win me , when all the ayde i haue , comes from with●● me ? therefore ( good king ) that mak'st thy bounty shine sometime on those whose worths are small as mine ; oh saue me now from enui●● dangerous s●elfe , or make me able , and i 'le saue my selfe . let not the want of that make me a scorne , to which there are more fool●● then wise-men borne . let me not for my meannesse be despi●'d , nor others greatnesse make th●ir words more priz'd . for whatsoe're my outward fate appeares , my soule 's as g●od , my heart as great as their● . my loue vnto my country an● to thee , as much as his that more would seeme to be . and would this age allow but meanes to show it , those that misdoubt● , ●hould ●re long time know it . pitty my youth then , and let me not lye wasting my time in fruitlesse misery . though i am meane , i may be borne vnto that seruice which another cannot doe . in vaine the little mouse the lyon spar'd not , she did him pleasure when a greater dar'd not . if ought that i haue done , doe thee displease , thy misconceiued wrath i will appease : or sacrifice my heart ; but why should i suffer for god knowes whom , i know not why ? if that my words through somes mist●ke offends , let them conceiue them right , and make amends . or were i guilty of offence indeede , one fault ( they say ) doth but one pardon neede . yet one i had , and now i want one more : for once i stood accus'd for this before . as i ●emember i so long agon , s●ng thame , and rhy●es epithalamion . when she that from thy royall selfe deriue● , those gracious vertues that best title giues . she that makes rhyne proud of her excellence , and me oft minde her here with reuerence ; daign'd in her great-good nature to encline her gentle eare to such a cause a● mine ; and which is more , vouchsaf't her word to cleare me from all dangers ( if there any were ) so that i doe not now intreat , or sue for any great boone , or request that 's new ▪ but onely this , ( though absent from the land ) her former fauour still in force might stand : and that her word ( who present was so deere ) might be as powerfull , as when she was heere . which if i finde , and with thy fauour may haue leaue to shake my loathed bands away , ( as i doe hope i shall ) and be set free from all the troubles this hath brought on me , i 'le make her name giue life vnto a song , whose neuer-dying note shall last as long as there is either riuer , groue , or spring , or downe , for sheepe , or shepheards lad to sing . yea , i will teach my muse to touch a straine , that was nere reach't to yet by any swaine . for though that many deeme my yeares vnri●e , yet i ●aue learn'd to tune an oaten pipe , whereon i 'le try what musicke i can make me , ( vntill bellona ●with her trumpe awake me . ) and since the world will not haue vice thus shown● , by blazing vertue i will make it knowne . th●n if the court will not my lines approue , i 'le goe vnto some mountaine , or thicke groue : there to my fellow shepheards will i sing , tuni●g my reed , vnto some dancing spring , in such a note , that none should dare to trouble it , till th● hil●es ans●ere , and th● woods redouble it . and peraduenture i may then goe nere to speake of something thou l't be pleasd'd to heare : and that which those who now my tunes abhorre , shall reade , and like , and daigne to loue me for . but the meane while , oh passe not thi● suite by , let thy free hand signe me my liberty : and if my loue may moue thee more to do , good king consider this my trouble to . others haue found thy fauour in distre●se , whose loue to thee and thine i thinke was lesse and i might fitter for thy ser●ice liue , on what would not be much for thee to giue . and yet i aske it not for that i feare the outward meanes of life should fa●●e me here ▪ for though i want to compa●se those good ●n●s i ayme at for my countrey and my friends . in this poore state i can as well content me , as if that i had wealth and honours lent me ; nor for my owne sake doe i seeke to shunne this thraldome , wherein now i seeme vndone : for though i prize my freedome more then gold , and vse the meanes to free my selfe from hold , yet with a minde ( i hope ) vnchang●d and free , here can i liue and play with misery : yea in despight of want and slauery , laugh at the world in all her brauery , here haue i learn'd to make my greatest wrong● matter of mirth , and subiects but for songs . here can i smile to see my selfe neglected , and how the meane mans sute is disrespected , whil'st those that are more rich , and better friended , can haue twice greater faults thrice sooner ended . all this , yea more , i see and suffer to , yet liue content , midst discontents i do , which whil'st i can , it is all one to me , whether in prison or abroad it be : for should i still lye here distrest and poore , it shall not make me breath a sigh the mor● ; since to my selfe it is indifferent where the small remnant of my dayes be spent , but for thy sake , my countries , and my friends , for whom more then my selfe god this life lends , i would not , could i helpe it , be a scorne , but l●ue ( if i might ) free , as i was borne : or rather for good bell-arete's sake , fa●●e ver●●● of ●hom most account i make , if i can chuse , i will not be deba●'d , in this last action , least she be disgrac'd . for 't was the loue of her that brought me to what spleene nor enuie could not make me do , and if her seruants be no more regarded , if enemies of vice be thus rewarded , and i should also vertues wrongs conceale , as if none liu'd to whom she dar'd appeale : will they that doe not yet her worth approue , be euer drawne to entertaine her loue , when they ●●all see hi● plagu'd as an offender , who for the loue he beares her , doth commend her ? this may to others more offensi●e be , then preiudiciall any way to me : for who will his endeuours euer bend to follow her , whom there is ●one will friend ? some i doe hope there be that nothing may from loue of truth and honesty dismay . but who will euer seeing my hard fortune , the remedy of times abuse importune ? who will againe when they haue smother'd me , dart to oppose the face of villany ? whereas he shall not onely vndertake a combate with a second lernean snake , whose euer-growing heads when as he crops , not onely two springs , for each one he lops , but also he shall see in midst of danger● , those he thought friends turn foes , or at lea●● stranger● . more i could speake , but sure if this doe ●aile me , i neuer shall doe ought that will a●a●●e me , nor c●re to speake againe , vnlesse it be to him that knowes how heart and words agre● , no , nor to liue when none dares vndertake to speake one word for honest vertues sake . but let his will be done , that best knowes what will be my future good , and what will not . hap well or ill , my spotlesse meaning 's faire , and for thee , this shall euer be my prayer , that thou may'st here enioy a long-blest raig●e , and dying , be in heauen re-crown'd againe . so now if thou hast daign'd my lines to heare , there 's nothing can befall me that i feare : for if thou hast compassion on my trouble , the ioy i shall receiue will be made double ; and if i fall , it may some glory be , that none but iove himselfe did ruine me . your maiesties most loyall subiect , and yet prisoner in the marshals●y . geo. wyther . a frolick to horn-fair with a walk from cuckold's-point thro' deptford and greenwich. ward, edward, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing w estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a frolick to horn-fair with a walk from cuckold's-point thro' deptford and greenwich. ward, edward, - . p. printed and sold by j. how ..., london : . reproduction of original in huntington library. advertisement: p. [ ] created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - jennifer kietzman sampled and proofread - jennifer kietzman text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a frolick to horn-fair . with a walk from cuckold's-point thro' deptford and greenwich . london , printed and sold by i. how , in the ram-head-inn-yard in fanchurch-street , . books sold by j. how , in the ram-head-inn-yard in fanchurch-street ; j. weld , at the crown between the temple-gates in fleet-street ; and mrs. fabian , at mercers-chappel in cheapside . . sot's paradise : or the humours of a derby-ale-house : with a satyr upon the ale. price six pence . . a trip to iamaica : with a true character of the people and island . price six pence . . eclesia & factio . a dialogue between bow-steeple-dragon , and the exchange-grashopper . price six pence . . the poet 's ramble after riches . with reflections upon a country corporation . also the author's lamentation in the time of adversity . price six pence . . the london spy , the first , second , third , fourth , fifth , sixth , seventh , eighth , ninth , tenth , and eleventh parts . to be continued monthly . price six pence each . . a trip to new-england . with a character of the country and people , both english and indians . price six pence . . modern religion and ancient loyalty : a dialogue . price six pence . . the world bewitch'd . a dialogue between two astrologers and the author . with infallible predictions of what will happen in this present year , . from the vices and villanies practis'd in court , city and country . price six pence . . a walk to islington : with a description of new tun-bridge-vvells , and sadler's musick-house . price six pence . . the humours of a coffee-house : a comedy . price six pence . all written by the same author . a frolick to horn-fair . when the near approach of horn-fair had conjur'd up the spirit of cuckoldome in the dissatisfied minds of abundance of city-wives , who have just reason to complain of the unkind usage , and sl●nder performances of either their drowsie , lazy , morose , insufficient , or superannuated husbands , i happen'd ( from the hands of a sorrowful young lady , who had griev'd for some time under the weakness and imbecility of an infirm husband ) to receive this following svmmons , to attend her person to charlton , on the th of october , in order to redress those intollerable grievances , which she wanted in all love to exhibit unto me . sir , as it is a duty incumbent upon all batchelors , to supply the defects of their own sex , who knowing their deficiencies , have , contrary to the laws of nature and sound reason , bound themselves for ever and aye , in the mutual and indissolvable tye of for better or for worse : i having just grounds of complaint , in these my iuvenal years , of the great and many impediments on my husbands part , which give me a iust and vnquestionable title to your aid and assistance ; and as procreation is the main end of wedlock , and i , by the infirmities of my lawful and well-beloved spouse , being in a great measure depriv'd of the wholesome , delectable , and indearing means thereof , having full and true desire of compleatly answering my duty , according to the known laws of our creation , that is , to do good in my generation , and raise seed to the world as may prove a blessing to posterity . i do therefore , by virtue of this summons , strictly charge and require you to meet me on the th of this instant , by nine of the clock in the morning , at the mermaid-tavern at billingsgate , there to drink canary , and eat oysters , till eleven ; then to take boat and land at cuckolds-point ; and from thence ( according to the ancient and laudable custome of the corniferous society , and in pursuance of their orders ) to walk from thence thro' deptford and greenwich to horn-fair , there to receive a horn fairing , as a token of one years friendship , which you are carefully to maintain and preserve with all love , constancy , and industry , till that day twelvemonth , with that vncomfortable she , from whose kind hand you shall receive the present : having full power given you , from that time , over her own body and her husbands goods , so far as they can be clandestinely converted , without discovery , to your good vse and benefit . therefore fail not to give your personal appearance at the time and place , aforesaid , under a weeks reserve , lustily fed , and well accouter'd , as you will hazard the revenge of a desirous woman , whose name is under written . e — f — you cannot but imagine i read the summons , it being from a pretty woman , with a little more satisfaction than a london-prentice does his sundays chapter , or a married man that intercepts a love-letter to his wife ; insomuch that i thought my self very highly obliged to answer the demands of the fair lady , yet could not forbear ref●ecting on the conjugal vows she was under , and how far i must be guilty of the same crime , in submitting to her unlawful desires , which i thought might as well spring from her own exorbitant concupiscence , as any just reasons she had to complain of her bedfellow's incapacity . labouring for some time under these struglings of conscience , at last i bethought my self of an old story , which remov'd my scruples , and restor'd me to my former resolution of pursuing the intrigue . and that you may not be unacquainted with this balsamick tale , so excellent for strengthening a weak and tender conscience , i have here given it by the way ; in hopes not to corrupt the reader , but to make him merry . a batchelor gentleman , of good estate , desiring , thro' covetousness , to encrease his riches , apply'd himself to a young lady of great fortune ; and notwithstanding his estate was somewhat inferiour to her portion , yet the comeliness of his person , and his engaging accomplishments soon prevail'd upon the lady to become his bride , who having nothing before her eyes but the prospect of a happy life , and the comfortable embraces of a gentleman of sweet temper , affable behaviour , incomparable wit , and excellent proportion , insomuch she gave him but very little trouble to bring his design to its propos'd issue : so that they were soon marryed , and bedded accordingly , with all the solemnities and formalities of a publick nupital . but as soon as the frolicksome company had quitted the bridal chamber , the gentleman in his minority having reciev'd a kick from a horse , which occasion'd his castration , was render'd incapable of gratifying the expectancies of his panting bride , concluding it the best way to discover his infirmities , and put her past the thought of what is natural in such a case for the most modest woman to expect , which he accordingly discover'd , but with as much art and rhetorick as was possible to be us'd , to take off the impression of so great a disappointment , telling her , that tho himself was impotent , he would grant her the liberty of making good his deficiency to herself , by choosing any other person to be her confident , that should be most agreeable to her own inclinations . the young lady fearing this might be some trick of her husbands to sift whether any other person had any share in her affections , made a iest of his discovery , and suspended her choice till after a further time of consideration : but found at last she was brought in good-earnest into this misfortune ; and being not a little vneasy under this intollerable disappointment , began to be thoughtfully intent upon the freedom that was given her by her impotent bridegroom : and observing his butler to be a handsome iolly young fellow , looking as if he was well qualified for so pleasing a task , insomuch that she resolved to pitch upon him to supply the deficiency of her vnhappy husband , and accordingly acquaints him with what choice she had made ; with which the gentleman seem'd very well contented ; and sending for his butler into his closet , inform'd him of the whole affair , with all its circumstances ; telling him he would allow him an hundred pounds a year , as long as he would take care , thro' secresie and prudence , to prevent any disreputation that otherways might by his carelesness fall upon the family . the butler , over-joy'd at this proposal , made so many fair promises and protestations , that the master was well satisfied , and thought him a proper confident for his purpose : so accordingly lodg'd him in a room near his own bed-chamber , that his lady without danger of detection , might change her bedfellow as often as her inclinations led her . this good-natur'd liberty of the gentlemans was mutually enjoy'd , between his wife and his servant , for a considerable time , without either discovery or mistrust ; till at last , the lady on a summers day , having added an unusual warmth to her youthful desires by a glass or two of rich wine at dinner , above her ordinary custome , went into the buttery , where the butler was alone in the afternoon , taking a lazy nap to indulge his idleness . the lady shuting the door , awak'd her gallant , and soon made him sensible , by intelligible signs , of what her ladyship wanted . he rubbing his eyes , and speedily understanding her meaning by her gaping , laid her down with a finger and a thumb , upon a lolling convenience , in order to oblige her : in which interim , the chaplain being dry after his dinner , came to the buttery door , and knock'd for admittance into the cellar . the butler being too deeply engag'd to answer , the parson iudg'd by his silence , he was making much of some of his friends in private ; and having a mind to be satisfied , peep'd thro' the key-hole , and beheld with the eyes of truth , the sad shame and dishonour his lady and the butler , by the instigations of the devil , had brought upon the family ; and immediately runs open-mouth'd to his patron , and acquaints him , with a sorowful countenance , by what a providential accident he had stood pimp to his ladies debauchery , setting forth the villany and treachery of his servant in thus abusing of him . the gentleman being concern'd at their imprudence , to be thus foolishly detected , had no way left to excuse the matter , but to tell the truth , and discover his own infirmity ; also that it was done by his inducement and permission ; and that he allow'd the butler a hundred pounds per annum to recompence his diligence , and enjoyn him to secresie . lord , sir , says the chaplain , why would you not imploy me ? i 'd have done it for fifty with all my heart , and have read prayers twice a day into the bargain . i rightly applying the moral of this story , rid my conscience of those doubts and fears that would otherwise have retarded me from embracing so fair an opportunity ; that i began now to query with my self , which was the most inexcusable fault , to commit the sin , or disoblige the lady ; and remembring ingratitude to be stil'd the worst of crimes , and that to disoblige a pretty woman in distress , and slight her favours so generously thrown upon me , was ingratitude ; i soon reason'd my self into a compliance with my mistress in elect's desires ; and took up a sturdy resolution of meeting my bold challenger at the place appointed . when the happy morning came , and nothing but cuckold-makers , cuckoldome , cuckolds , and horn-fair , were the common discourses of every sober citizen to his next neighbour , as soon as the shops were open'd , i getting up an hour before my time , had recourse to the barbers , that my face and perriwig might not want the advantages of his nice management , but have all the effeminate improvement of powder , washball and perfume , that i might be as fragrant to my mistresses nostrills , as a bermoodoes breez , and smell as odiferous as any sweet-bag . when i was thus wash'd , curl'd , and comb'd , like any ladies lap-dog ; and after i had spent as much time in dressing , as a merchants-wife on a sunday before church-time , i did at last judge by my glass i was a very compleat figure to make an amour , tho' to a squeamish lady . my shoes were as black as spanish-balls could make 'em , and shin'd like a physicians ebony cane new rub'd upon a visit to an alderman . my stockins were garter'd up as tite as a boot upon a last , and stuck as close to my calves as a bag to a boild-pudding . my garters being as hard girted as a fillet bound for bleeding , that i did more pennance than a man half throtled to be prick'd in the jugular . my knees hoop'd round with rowles , turn'd up with that exactness , that a wedding ring upon a citizens wives thumb , could no ways sit more precisely regular . my breeches stuck so close to the ignoblest of my flesh , that i durst not stride an inch beyond the given bounds of my taylor , without the danger of a rent ; and when i came to a broad kennel i was forc'd to wade thro , because i could not venture to step over without damage . my coat was cut all-amode a paree , with skirts not much longer than those of a water-mans iacket . my linnen was made by an inns-of-court-sempstress , and was digitiz'd with her handle-bauble fingers , into as much formality as a ladies head-dress . my wig , like the rest of the fools , was so woundily be-powder'd , that whenever the wind sat in my face , it endanger'd the eyes of him that walk'd behind me . which procur'd me as many curses in a day , as a good man has prayers for his charity . my hat was in the mathematical cock , with the brims tuck'd up to the crown , into an exact triangle . my gloves were right cordivant , and stunk so of muscovy cats-turd , that persons subject to vapours started from me as i walk'd ( like a beau from a chimney-sweeper ) for fear of being suffocated . thus equip'd according to the nice rules of foppery and courtship , i went along , cursing the rudeness of the wind , that at every street's corner ruffled the curles of my wig into some disorder , being forc'd to give as many stroaks to each bushy side as a milk-woman does to a cows teat at a meal , to reduce the stragling hairs into their proper places : till at last , with a panting heart , like a dispirited lover , i came to the place appointed ; where , with as much courage as i could summon together , i ask'd for my lady , who was not yet come . i thinking it my duty to wait , rather than hers , it made me careful to be something earlier ●ha● the time prefix'd , to manifest my diligence , as well as the eager desires i had to her dear company . i bid 'em show me a room , and then call'd for a pint of canary , as the most amorous cordial i could think on , over which , i sat near half an hour , sometimes disheartening my self with the thoughts of being iilted , than comforting my self up with the assurance of her sincerity , from some little knowledge i had of her person . at last , to remove my doubts and jealousies , in steps my lady , dress'd up with as much art , as if all the tyre-women in both exchanges had been her chamber-maids . but , to tell you the truth on 't , finding her no more afraid of tumbling her pinners , than i was of rumpling my cravat , our greeting was so mutually kind and satisfactory , that it would have made the readers heart go pit-a-pat to have seen our loving salutation . she beging pardon for her presumption , and desiring my good construction of the freedom she had taken . i answering her in a familiar dialect , that her company was the only happiness i had long covetted ; and had not the conjugal obligations she lay under frighted me from discovering my love , she long before now should have receiv'd sufficient testimonies of my unextinguishable affections ; or had i in the least known the just reasons she had to withdraw her friendship , and alienate that beauty and delight remaining in her dear self from her marriage-bed , no addresses and importunities should have been wanting from her humble servant , to have happily supply'd those impotencies , which , according to the laws both divine and humane , she might modestly complain of . in such a sort of amorous discourses , we express'd the impatient desires of each other . i well knowing nothing takes more with the fair-sex , under these circumstances , than to put a gloss upon the iniquity . for he that has but the true knack of extenuating a crime , will have no great difficulty in drawing those to the guilt , who give credit to his doctrine . having now , by a few love-toys , and light expressions , together with the assistance of the wine , introduc'd a little familiarity , we agreed upon a dish of fish , that we might fortifie our stomachs against the cold breezes we must expect upon the water . during the time the cook was labouring to delight our pallats , we reciprocally oblig'd each other with lushious kisses and endearing words , that melted both our hearts into an equal concupiscence of loves enjoyment . citizens and their mates , swarm now to the water-side , in order to take boat for the horn-headed rendezvouz at charlton : and nothing being heard beneath our window , but the wrangling of water-men about their fairs , and the noisie mouthing acclamations of greenwich , greenwich ho , that had we been seated at the hockly-hole-theatre , when the blind-bear had been let loose , our ears could not have been terrified with more discording out-cries . upon which we arose from our seats , and mov'd to the window , to divert our selves a little with seeing the batchelour cuckold-makers and citizens wives ; also city cuckolds , and their maiden-looking mistresses , stow themselves as close in a boat together , as they do in a cheap-side ballcony , at my lord-mayors-show , to gaze like a drove of bullocks , between one anothers horns , at the triumphs of the city . the first couple that i happen'd to know , pressing amongst the crowd to board their double-handed wherry , were a iewish wine-merchant and a vintners wife ; who , i suppose , thro' the great delight they took in cuckold-making , went to do reverence to cuckolds-point ; and from thence to buy a horn-tumbler at the fair to drink the husbands health in ; and so recal the pleasures of their past sins , by the sweetness of reflection . my lady observing i had added a more than ordinary chearfulness to my countenance , requir'd the reason of my smiling . i told her i could not forbear laughing to see a iew scatter his affections out of his tribe , and make so much of a christian ; and to find a city dame , with so good a conscience , to have so much charity for an vnbeliever . that lady , said i , that you see with the iew , is a very great meeter , and a mighty religious christain in her way , having as jolly a man to her husband as a woman would desire to lie by . but i find , notwithstanding her seeming sanctity , she loves circumcision much better than christian baptism . at which information my lady lifted up her eyes , expressing her self after this manner , bless me ! what is the world come to ! that a woman should be so wicked ! as if there were not good christians enough deserving of a womans favours , but , like a prophane minx , she must bestow her kindness on a jew ! well , i would not be in her condition , and have such a sin to answer for , for the world. if i should , i am sure my conscience would never rest after it , but should think every minute i deserv'd damnation . foh ! a jew ! a stigmatiz'd rusty-bacon-look'd infidel , that cannot spit from him ! a black goggle-eyed over-reaching vagabond ! foh , i smell him hither , he stinks in my very nostrills . if it were only thro the respect a body has for ones religion , sure i 'd have chose a christian for my gallant , tho' he had been a porter , or a carman ; and not have dishonour'd my church so much as to have taken up with an antichistian vermin , a very caterpillar of christendom . i vow and protest , if i was in her room , i should be afraid the boat would sink . thus did my mistresses zeal to the christian religion , carry her to such a pitch of envy , to see a refin'd protestant and an infidel in such charitable communion with one another , that i was afraid , in the heighth of her fury , she would have leap'd out of the window , and have separated the righteous from the ungodly ; quite forgetting , as whores do , their own failings , when they brand another with the same title ; not considering the honest design on foot betwixt her ladyship and me ; looking upon herself all this while , to be as justifiable in what we had undertaken , as a poor woman that wants bread , is in begging a crust of her neighbour . we had not at the window spent much time in prittle-prattle , but the vintner whose wife was stragled with the iew , out of the pale of the church , had most ceremoniously joyn'd himself with an iron-mongers daughter , who in her early years being tempted by a sea-captain to taste the forbiden fruit , had unhappily brought herself under the suspicion of incontinence , and quite spoil'd her market in the business of matrimony ; that she was grown a pretty stale thorn-back , yet had remains enough of her youthful perfections to entitle her to the handling of a vintner's apron-strings : i could not forbear smiling , at the odness of this accident , when i consider'd what a rare discovery there would be made on both sides , if they should chance to meet in the fair ; for it is reasonable to believe , they were absolute strangers to each others intrigue ; for sure , thought i , it is unnatural for a marry'd couple , to give one another the liberty of adultery ; tho' it is very common i believe , for each other to take it . since chance had flung a thing so remarkably observable in my way , i thought my self oblig'd to impart it to my mistress , that she might share in the satisfaction of so uncommon a contingency ; accordingly i shew'd her the vintner , telling her he was the husband of that woman who had so highly disoblig'd her , in communicating her honour to a iew , and pinning her faith upon the sleeve of an infidel ; adding , that i knew the woman that was with him , from whence i had reason to believe he was upon the like design with his companion , as his wife was with the iew ? bless me ! says she , if my husband was like other men , and shou'd serve me so , i 'd study as many ways to torment him , as ever a papist priest found to punish a heretick , marry wou'd i ; he should neither eat , drink , nor sleep in any quiet , till i had plagu'd his heart out , before he should run rambling among strange women ; but as he is , by my troth i may venture him , for i can guess by his performances at home , how his abilities are abroad . which words , were no sooner out of her mouth , but in the crow'd she espied him . bless me ! says she , yonder he is with my neighbour the apothecaries wife , pressing towards the stairs , to go into a boat : but i 'll spoil their intrigue , with a pox to ' em . stay you here , says she , and i 'll be with you again presently : down stairs she ran in a great fury , lays hold of the woman , as she was descending the stairs : how now madam , says she ? whither are you going with my husband ? i thought i should catch you one time or another ; i had intelligence of your design last night , and have been waiting for you in yonder house , this hour or two . the poor woman , so greatly surpriz'd with this discovery , was ready to sink down under the hand of her opponent ; but the husband thro' a great presence of mind , forces his wife to quit her hold , and bid the other step into the boat , ordering the waterman to go off with her , and land her where the gentlewoman directed , holding his wife fast till the boat was adrift ; and so at once secur'd her from the hands of the mob , as well as her rash adversary . now thought i , i find when a woman has a mind to be lewd , she will not want a pretence to justifie herself in her liberty ; nor could i forbear thinking it was more her ungovernable lust , than her husbands impotency , that induc'd her to be wicked ; for it may be observ'd , the common excuses that a woman makes to extenuate the guilt of her corruption , are either love , necessity , or the mis-behaviour of their husbands , either in his neglecting what he ought to do , or doing those things , which he ought to forbear : but while i was thus ruminating on the cunning of the kind sex , my mistress had betaken herself to her crocadile submission ; crying , what had she done , to occasion such ill vsage from him , as to alienate his affections , from his lawful and loving wife , and place it upon other women less deserving than herself ? these hypocritical words , and dissembling tears , so softned the heart , of the poor disappointed cuckold , who at first was so highly displeas'd at her unexpected discovery , that he had much ado to forbear striking of her ; but she i suppose , well knowing how to appease his fury , put on this counterfeit behaviour to bring him out of his passion , to the calm use of his reason , and good nature . the fluminous rabble all this while hollowing the t'other lady over the water , who questionless was as well pleas'd at her safe deliverance , as she was concern'd at first for her detection . by this time , my lady and her spouse , had withdrawn themselves a little out of the crow'd , she soliciting his company home , as she inform'd me afterwards , which she was very sensible he would not consent to ; but told her altho' she had spoild his project in one affair , he 'd make himself amends in another ; and since he was a broad , he 'd have his belly full of wine before he went home again . do that and welcome , says she , for i would rather find you ten-times in a tavern , than once in another womans company ; and so they parted . she returning to me , extreamly delighted with the thoughts of her adventure . indeed madam , said i , i wonder you should give your self all this trouble ; for what 's matter , who your husband keeps company with , if he be under such circumstances as you report him . poh , says she , you don't know what policy , i had in my head ; was it not much better for me to detect them , than to give them the opportunity of detecting us ; for i suppose , they were bound to the same port : and now i have stop'd their iourney , the coast is clear , and we may accomplish our own vndertaking , with less fear , and more safety . i could not forbear reflecting in my thoughts on the wit , as well as the wickedness of woman , who had no sooner a conception of the danger she herself must have been in , had she suffer'd them to have proceeded in their voyage , but at the same instant , projected a method to remove that stumbling block out of her way , which might otherways have prov'd of fatal consequence to her own intrigue . the goodman , to be sure , making a kind construction of her accidental discovery ; and thought she had taken all that pains , on purpose to detect him in his loose practices , which he must needs acknowledge , as an argument of her love , because she thought him worth her looking after ; and it s commonly allow'd the greatest demonstration a woman can give of her love , is her jealousie ; for its a certain sign we vallue that most , that we are least willing , and most fearful should be enjoy'd by another . by this time we had an island of fish , floating in an ocean of butter , brought up to the table ; of which , like the lady of a feast , she ceremoniously help'd me to a very plentiful plate , i gratefully repaid her favour with a cringe , which she return'd with a bow , that we nodded at one another , like two rams in a challenge , just a going to butt : every bit that was better than ordinary , she would force upon my plate , that no country turky cock , fatted against christmas to be sent to my landlord at london , was ever so cram'd : i believe , i swallow'd as many boild shrimps , and fry'd oysters , as an estrich could hob-nails at a meal ; besides shoveld down as much fresh cod , as my lord mayors weapon porter does custard at a feast ; my lady 's chief diversion all dinner-time , being to fish in the sauce for delicious morsels , to feast the pallate of her new humble servant ; using so many kind expressions to court me to eat , that i was quite surfeited with her sweet words , before i had half satisfied my stomach with our enticing dainties ; being forc'd sometimes to be unmannerly , and bumpkin like , court my mistress to eat , with my own mouth full , for fear she should think by my long silence , i did not regard her . when i by the manly industry of my hands and jaws , and my mistress , by her effeminate piddling and picking , had both satisfied our appetites , with our nice and well-dress'd dinner , according to custom , we thought it necessary to make our fish swim a third time , in a more noble element , than either butter or water ; calling accordingly for half a flask of red , that the noble tincture of the wine , might enrich our food of a purple colour , and make its juice the fitter for our veins reception . all the superfluous implements of eating being now taken away , we made each glass a further key to unlock the secrets of our souls , and began to spin out the threds of love , to a lasting length , wetting each kind word with wine , that the knot of friendship might be ty'd the faster ; how far our mutual desires might carry us beyond the rules of modesty , is neither my business to tell , nor the readers to enquire into ; for there are many things that are justifiable in action , that are not decent to repeat ; so that we will make that modest by the concealment , that might be thought rude in the discovery . when our flask was out , we thought it high time to begin our voyage : in order to set forward , we call'd for our reckoning , which my lady after many expressions of apology , for her rude unpracticable attempt , but she was resolutly bound to defray the days expence , entreating me to excuse the affront ; at which , tho' i seem'd to be dissatisfied , yet with much perswasions , i was at last very heartily reconcil'd to my mistress's prodigallity , and thought i had as much reason to be good humour'd , asif i had paid it my self . having thus pretty well secur'd our bodies from the coldness of the water , we took boat at billinsgate-stairs , and away for cuckolds-point ▪ but were no sooner put off from the shore , but we were got into such an innumerable fleet , of oares , skullers , barges , cock-boats , bum-boats , pinnaces and yawles ; some going , some coming , and all attacking each other with such volleys of hard words , that i thought billingsgate-market had been kept upon the thames , and all the fish-whores in the town , had been scolding for a plate , given 'em by some rich oyster-woman , to encourage the industry of the tongue ; calling my poor lady and i , so often by the opprobrious names of whore and rogue , that for my part , i thought they were witches , and had known what we had been doing ; tossing ladles-full of water into one anothers boats , till the passengers were many of 'em as wet , as a turbulent woman just taken out of the ducking-stool . at last an unlucky rogue , with bridewel-looks and a ladle in his hand , fishes up a floating sir-reverence in his wooden vehicle , and gives it an unfortunate toss upon my ladies bubbies . she crying out to me her protector , to do the office of a scavenger , and take away the beastliness , she being herself so very squeamish , that she could no more endure to touch it with her fingers , than a monkey does a mouse , it being lodg'd in the cavity , between her breasts and her stays , she could not shake it off , but i was forc'd to lend a hand to remove the poisonous pellat from her snowey-temptations , giving on 't a toss into another boat , with the like success , wounding an old cuckoldy waterman just in the forehead , and so be-dung'd his brow-antlers , that i make no question but they spread and flourish'd , being thus manur'd like the horns of an ox after well greasing , which put the grisly churle ( who i'll warrant , by his grey haires , had at least serv'd nine prentice-ships to the thames ) into such a wonderful passion , that he began to roar out his aquatick scurrility at us , with as much indignation and revenge , as a she-mumper when bilk'd of her crib , or an alley-scold when call'd barren-bitch , by her neighbour , clawing the unsavory birdlime off his face , snapping on 't , as a barber does suds from the ends of his fingers ; saluting my mistress , and i , in the height of his fury , after the following manner . you shiten-skull'd son of a t — d , that has spit your brains in my face , who was begot in buggery , born in a house of office , and deliver'd at the fundament , fit for nothing but to be cast into a gold-finders ditch , there lie till you're rotten , and then be sold out to gardners , for a hot bed , to raise pumkins to feed the devil withall . and as for you , you brandy-fac'd , bottle-nose'd , bawdy , brimstone-whore , every time you conjobble together , may he beget your belly-full of live crabs and craw-fish , that as you strive to pluck 'em out , they may hang by the sides of your tuquoque , and make you squeak nine times lowder than a woman frighted into labour a month before her reckoning . this , and such sort of water-bred language , he pelted at our ears , till we were out of hearing : being both as glad when we had out-row'd his impudence , as a man that has out-run a bailiff ; for if ever any body was under an ill-tongue , we thought our selves at that time in the same condition . every boat that came by had a pelt at my poor mistress and i , who being but two , besides water-men , were most lamentably maul'd by other boats , who being better man'd , were quite too many for us , and rattl'd us into silence with a broad-side of bilingsgate language , which was thrown on all sides so thick upon us , that we found it but a vain attempt to endeavour to be heard amidst this shower of ill-words . we jog'd gently on , as fast as our neighbouring enemies would give us leave , who lay a head of us , upon our bow , broad-side , quarters , and stern , that we could not turn our heads any way out of tongue-shot , but either rogue , or whore , pimp , cuckold , or taylor , hit us a box of the ear , that almost deafen'd us . dear heart , says my mistress , i wonder the magistrates of the city do not take some care to prevent these sad abuses upon the water ; for 't is a shameful thing that civil people should be call'd thus out of their names . prethee , said i , never mind 'em ; for if my lord m — were here himself , they 'd be as ready to call him cuckold as they would any body else ; and he would not know which way to help himself , but must put it up as we do , there 's no remedy ▪ after we had spent about half an hour upon the water in this misery , we arrived at our intended port , cuckolds-point , where we landed in a crowd , with as much difficulty as a man crosses the change at two a clock , or squeezes into paul's quire on a sunday , whilst they are singing of an anthem . having discharg'd our water-men , we went into the house , where the troop of merry cuckolds us'd to rendesvouz ; arm'd with shovel , spade , or pick-ax ; their heads adorn'd with horned helmets ; and from thence to march , in order , for horn-fair , leveling the way as they go , according to the command of their leaders , that their wives might come after with their gallants , without spoiling their lac'd shooes , or dragling their holiday petticoates . when we had procur'd a fire to recover our natural warmth , of which the coldness of the water had almost robb'd us , i began to enquire of the dame of the tenement from whence the custom of the meeting , marshalling and marching , of this cornigerous troop was at first deriv'd ? who told me , that in the time of king iohn , when religion could no more keep a prince's codpice button'd , then it can now infuse charity in a priest , in the room of this , house says she , here then stood a water-mill , and providence having blest the knave the miller , with a very handsome wife , king john coming often this way to hunt upon greenwich-heath , & thereabouts , happen'd to see her , and became so enamour'd with her lovely looks , that he could by no means restrain his inclinations , but must needs cuckold the miller ; to which , when an opportunity stood fair , the dame consented ; but as 't is believ'd , so cunningly manag'd the matter , that her husband should come home , and catch 'em in the heighth of their pastime , which the miller did accordingly ; and seeming not to know that he was king , took him up in his arms and threatn'd to fling him into the mill-dam , and grinil his head off , which so frighten'd his majesty , that he told him if he would spare his life , he would give him all the land as far as he could see one way . which the miller made him vow to perform , before he would quit his hold ; but then set him down very civilly , and went into his mill , leaving the king to finish his business with his wife , as a means to further engage him to the performance of his promise ; the miller waiting with a great deal of impatience , till his wife had submitted herself , like a good subject , to her dread soveraign , and quietly surrender'd that fort , upon discretion , which the king greatly wanted to be master of : but as soon as the fatigue was over , and the royal cuckold-maker had gratified his ambition in adorning the brows of the mealy peasant , the miller began to solicite his imperial rival for the generous reward he had promised , to facillitate the wearing of that forked burthen , which otherways would have sat very uneasily on his fore-head . the king assur'd him he would be as good as his word , and bid him look out , and the land , as far as he could see one way , on that side the river , he should possess as his own , paying only this anuual acknowledgment , that he should once a year , upon that day twelve-month , which prov'd the th of october , walk to the farthest bound of his estate , with a pair of bucks-horns on his head , attended with all his family ; or in neglect of which , the land should be forefeited ; to which the miller had cunning enough to very readily consent . the cuckold-maker and the cuckold being thus agreed , he was about to turn and look up towards london ; which the king forbad him , telling him he had nothing that way in his power to dispose of , but order'd him to look downwards , and as far as he could see that way , should be given him . the miller having wash'd his eyes in maids water , to make him clear sighted , according to the kings order , look'd downwards , and saw as far as charlton-hill , all which land between that and the point , he afterwards enjoy'd , only performing the aforementioned ceremony , according to agreement : whish , says she , was the original of this custom , and it is said that there are lands hereabout , that are held even to this day after the same manner . with this piece of history we were mightily pleas'd , the woman herself showing a great deal of zeal in the belief of the same ; which indeed i swallow'd without chewing , as the mob does the political reports of state , or an ignorant congregation does the hum-drum doctrine of a dark priest. when we had warm'd and refresh'd our chill'd carcasses , we set forward for deptford ; and having heard great commendation of that serviceable projection , the n●w-dock , i had a great desire to take a view of that by the way , and so shap'd my course accordingly . after we had pass'd by a long range of little cottages , at the doors of which sat abundance of dutch-buttock'd lasses , with sea handkerchiefs about their pouting bubbies , which were swell'd with much handling , so far beyond their natural proportion , that their breast and their bellies , like mother shipton's nose and chin , met one with the other ; some knitting , some spinning , and others picking okum ; but all , as i suppose , ready enough to quit their several exercises and betake themselves to a pleasanter pastime , if any body will hire ' em . having past by a great number of these condescending mortals , we came to a field which led to the entrance of the dock , about a stones cast on this side which , were a parcel of west-indian-creolians , lately come on shore , cooking in the open air , an english porker after the indian manner , which was attempted to be perform'd as follows : they drove sticks in the ground , and fenc'd in a square place with old tarpaulins , leaving one side open for the wind to fan the fire which was made in the middle with charcole , directly over which lay the grunter on a grid-iron , made of spits ; which were laid cross , from side to side ; the part that lay uppermost , being cover'd with the dripping-pan , to preserve it from cooling , and the fat droping into the fire , cast up such savoury fumes from the burning grease , that the nossel of foul candlesticks thrust into a kitchen-fire by a good house-wife of a cook , could not perfume her sluttish-ships territories with a more obliging odor ; and about six or eight foot distance , from the main-fire , was another fire , to the windward of the pig , most cunningly contriv'd to warm the air , as it pass'd , lest its coldness otherways might be some impediment to the grilliading , or beastly cooking of their iii favour'd beast , whose eyes were roasted in his head accordinging to the negroes cookery , that he star'd like a dead pig ; and that side that lay next to the fire , with the smoak of the driping was almost as black as the charcole beneath it ; that i question not but by the time it was ready , it stunk like a piece of cheshire-cheese , toa●ted in the flame of a candle , and look'd all over as black as the rind of a flitch of bacon , that has hung six months in a country chimney . we left them as busie about their savage piece of cookery , as so many chosen housewives dressing of a weding dinner , and went into the yard appertaining to the dock , reported by competent judges to be able to receive sail of large ships ; which serviceable project , has so highly disoblig'd the king of the east , that he had vow'd cuckoldome to the whole parish of deptford , which of late has occasion'd every marriner and ship-carpenter adjacent , that has a handsome wife , to look as narrowly after her , as a hen does after her chickens , to preserve 'em from the kite . when we came about the middle of the dock , we were oblig'd either to return back and go a mile about , or else cross the top of the flood-gates , at the mouth of the dock , which were about the common breadth of a deal board , and about ten yards over . my mistress was much more ready to be at the pains , than choose the danger ; remembring , that the furthest way about , might be the nearest way home ; and i was for running the hazard , to avoid the pains , and endeavour'd to prevail on my lady to take courage , and run the risque of being duck'd , to abridge our journey ; with much ado , by upbraiding her with cowardice , and giving her some words of encouragement , i at last chas'd away her effeminacy , and made her resolve to endanger the cooling of her leachery , to oblige her gallant ; which she undertook and perform'd with so much bravery , that had the stoutest stallion in christendom been on the other side , to have receiv'd her , she could not have run thro' the danger with a more undaunted resolution ; but i found by her countenance , she was as well pleas'd when she had got safe over , as a countrey fellow that has shot the bridge , or a town bully that had surviv'd a duel . from hence we proceeded till we came to deptford , where i think the first house in the town , like many others , is accounted a conveniency for his majesties water-rats , when residing upon land , to cool their tails in ; when we came a little further into the town , we might easily discern , by the built of the houses , what amphibeous sort of creatures chiefly inhabited this part of the kingdom ; their dens were chiefly wood , all of one form , as if they were oblig'd by act of parliament , to all build after the same model ; here a pretty woman or two at a door , there another o● two at a window , all looking as melancholy as old maids and widows , for want of male conversation ; gazing upon each man that pass'd 'em , with as much earnestness and desire , as ever our great grand-mother did upon the forbidden fruit. the ladies that chiefly inhabit these cabbins , were the wives of marriners , whose husbands were some gone to the east-indies , and some to the west , some northward , some southward , leaving their disconsolate spouses , to make tryal of their vertue , and live upon publick credit till their return , who if it were not for the benevolence of a well-disposed neighbouring knight , and a few more charitable worthy gentlemen , they might , tho' married , grow sullen , like the negro women , for want of husbands , and pine away because nature is not supply'd with due accommodation . many shops we observ'd open in the streets , but a brandy-bottle , and a quartern , a butcher mending of a canvas doublet , a few apples in a cabbage-net , a peel-full of deptford cheescakes , an old waste-coat , a thrum cap , and a pair of yarn mittings , were the chief shows that they made of their commodities , every house being distinguish'd by either the sign of the ship , the anchor , the three marriners , boatswain , and call , or something relating to the sea : for as i suppose , if they should hang up any other , the salt-water novices would be as much puzled to know what the figure represented , as the irish-man was , when he call'd the globe the golden case-body , and the vnicorn the white-horse with a barbers pole in his forehead . the women we chiefly met in the streets , were accouter'd most commonly like the meanest of our oyster-women , in ragged gowns , daggled petty-coats , blew aprons , speckled handkerchiefs about their necks , and their heads adorn'd with flat-caps ; those that we met coupled , had generally short squat well-tr●ss'd-fellows by their sides , in new course cloth-coats , speckled breeches , grey stockins , round-toe'd shooes , picked heels , stitch'd round the quarters , ty'd on with scarlet-tape instead of buckles , with mittings on his hands , a fur-cap on his head , arm'd with an oaken cudgel , with a head as big as a four pounder . i observ'd they all , spaniard like , kept up to one fashion , so that the same description would serve any i saw , with a very slender variation . now and then , 't is true , we met a bluff blade , who look'd as burly as if he had fed his whole life-time upon peas and swines flesh , with a campaign wig on , the haires of which , for want of combing once in a month , hung in as many tangle locks , as if he had been flying , and a sword ty'd on as high as the waste-band of his breeches , and had no more motion when he walk'd , than a two-foot rule , stuck into the apron-strings of a carpenter : these sort of sea monsters , i observ'd the mumpers saluted with the title of noble captain , and had the right knack of coaxing these quarter-deck - blunderbusses out of their farthings and half-pence , with the taking and insinuating cant of honour and worship , as fast as a horse mountebank gulls the mob out of their two-pences , by calling of them gentlemen ; his noble worship looking round him as big , after he had paid the beggar a penny for his title , as an old cozening curmudgeon , who has built an alms-house , or a rich citizen that has got a poor brothers child into the blew-coat-hospital . we walk'd on till we came to the upper end of the town , where stood some very pretty houses , whose gates for ostentation-sake , were made with bars , that each passenger might delight his eyes , with an external prospect of these their most creditable and beautiful habitations : in this row stood a most famous hospital , erected for the entertainment of thirty-one decay'd masters of vessels , or their widows , depending on the trinity-house ; the masters of which , having the care thereof ; to the relief and support of which charitable design , every ship at her clearing , pays according to her burthen so much money . our curiosity led us to take a turn into it , which we found very pleasant and commodious , as to the building and situation ; but when i enquir'd into the allowance , i found it so very small , that it might rather be call'd pinch-gut-colledge , than an hospital for poor pensioners ; who with much difficulty gaining admittance into these starving confines , have no more allow'd 'em , to find meat , drink , washing , fire , cloths , and all necessaries of life , than twelve shillings per month ; and four months in the year are set at five weeks , to take in the odd month ; most that are there having paid more money towards it , before they came into it , than ever their allowance would amount to , if they were to live fifty years in the hospital ; to which many great legacies have been left , but the number of pensioners never encreas'd , nor their pensions advanc'd ; so that how it is sunk , or lmbezell'd , or to what use converted , no body knows , but those persons who have the discretionary power , as 't is suppos'd , of laying it safe up in their own pockets . an east-india captain , some few years since , dying , bequeath'd thirteen hundred pounds to this hospital ; out of which money , it never receiv'd any other apparent advantage , than the statue of the benefactor set up in the garden , for the pensioners to feast their eyes , instead of their bellies , withal . the members of this society of tarpaulin paupers , are only during the pleasure of the masters of the trinity , and are liable to be turn'd out , upon very slender mis-behaviours . there is another such hospital by the church , originally founded by queen elizabeth , for but twenty-one poor masters , or their widows ; and except in number , is equal in every particular , with the former ; so that by all the observations i could make , in so short a passage thro' the town , i could not but think it very well deserv'd this following character : the town 's without necessaries ; they 've butchers without meat , ale-houses without drink , houses without furniture , and shops without trade ; captains without commission , wives without husbands , whores without smocks , a church without religion , and hospitals without charity . from thence we made the best of our way , towards greenwich , finding nothing remarkable by the way , but now and then , a knot of london prentices , arm'd with lad●es of defence , to secure their noddles and their elbows , from the insolent assaults of the more unlucky mob , drawn out of spittle-fields , clare-market , and sweet st. giles ; in which parts of the town , rude rogues and reprobates are as plenty as lice in a campaign , or flies in iuly in the shop of a confectioner . the first part of greenwich town that i came into was the church-yard , where the numbers of the dead , had almost bury'd the church , that could each corps buried against the church wall , raise his head but half a foot above the surface of the earth he lies in , he might peep in at the church window , on a sunday , and frighten the whole congregation out of the church . as i enter'd the holy ground , i took notice of several good houses on the left hand , which look'd like habitations fit for christians to live in ; but in some parts of the town , the huts were no bigger than indian wig-wams , scarce big enough for a cuckold and his wife , to lye at length , without puting their head or their heeles in the chimney corner . hearing the kings house being converted to an hospital , for disabled seamen , as a means to encourage others hereafter to venture their limbs in the nations-service , to be rewarded with a lazy life , no money , and short commons , when either age or lameness has made them a misery to themselves , and a burthen to the world ; we took a walk into it , to take a brief survey of this new and well-intended piece of charity ; which like the gay buildings of northampton , looks very stately and magnificent without side , but examine within , and you 'll find but very poor inhabitants ; one part of it was almost finished , wherein i observ'd every pensioner was design'd a distinct cabbin to himself , and was alloted a little more room than he is like to enjoy in the church-yard , and not much neither : when it 's all compleated , 't will be a noble edifice , not at all inferiour to any of those great gifts , where much more grandure is visible in the walls , than hospitallity in the kitchen ; but its situate in a good place for a little victuals to make a great show ; for greenwich , like a spanish town , is under such a scarcity of flesh meat , that a gentleman not long ago , brought his mistress down with a design to lye all night in the town , but was forc'd to go back to london , at seven a clock at night , against tide , because never a publick house in the town could procure him a supper . it 's a rare place to punish a man troubled with a caninus appetitus , for a walk in the park is a rare thing to put his stomach in an uproar , and the town an excellent place to make him run mad for want of victuals to allay his hunger : here many citizens in the summer time keep their wives at board-wages , purely because there 's no manner of dainties to incline them to extravagance : here many of 'em also put their children to nurse , because it 's a sharp air , and fit for the breeding up a young shop-keeper . from thence we walk'd on till we came upon the heath ; but climbing up the hill , we saw at the bottom of a deep precipice , the mouth of several caves , pray , sir , said my mistress , what vgly frightful places are those at the bottom of the pit ? indeed madam , said i , i cann't well tell ; but they took as if they were the back doors to the devils territories , and that the people of greenwich had found out a nearer cut to hell , than the rest of their neighbours . we were no sooner come upon the heath , but every fool was become a tom-ladle ; and every bush was made a fence to a furmity kettle , the gentlemen quick-workers in the dark mystery of mischief , were here assembled in a body , in order to break the elbows of all nonconformists , that would not come over to the ladle-discipline ; which my mistress and i observing , were forc'd to conform to the custom of the countrey , and each arm our selves with a ladle , as a protection from the rabbles insolence ; who indeed , were afterwards as civil to us as could be expected of such tameless monsters ; and let us pass with now and then a little knock of the elbow , not much harder than would have crack'd a fill-bert ; which we were forc'd to bear , with all patience and submission , till we came into the fair , of which i shall proceed to give you a true character . it stands near the church , to make good the old proverb , viz. the nearer the church , the farther from god. tho' it 's the rudest fair in england , it begins with a sermon ; which makes another old saying good , viz. in the name of the lord begins all mischief . they say the parson usually takes his text upon this occasion out of solomons proverbs ; and i asking why he did so , was told , because solomon was a great cuckold-maker , and therefore his doctrine was the fitter to be prench'd at horn-fair . the people of the town eat so sparingly , that they never exonerate but once a week , and that 's on sundays , making the church-yard their dunghill , which you cannot cross without wading up to your ancles in sir-reverence . all that is sold at the fair of use , are shooes , pattins , and leather-breeches ; the rest are horn-toys , and fools-baubles ? the one bought to vex cuckolds , and the other to please children . the whole place , for the time , is a common-wealth , where the rabble make laws , and all that approach must keep ' em . it 's an ill place for a proud man to walk with his arms on kimbo , for they have more spight against the elbows than any part of the body . he that brings money to this fair , must look after his pockets ; for the waterlane-anglers are here as busie as milk-maids on a may-day . it is an annual rendesvouz for the mob of london , where it is as rare to see persons of creditable appearance , as 't is to see an honest man in newgate , or a fool in the jews synogogue . here is a great deal of furmity to be sold , but very few people that buy any . here are a great many thieves , but few that have any thing to lose ; and abundance of beggars , but few or none to relieve ' em . the fair seems to stand bounded between god and the devil ; for the church stands at one end of it , and a musick-house at t'other . it 's good for nothing , as i know on , but to humble the conceit that a proud man may have of his person ; for it 's enough to make a man out of love with humane shape , to behold the folly and rudeness of so many reprobates , that were at it . 't is a sanctuary for ill manners , a protection of all rudeness , an encouragement of wickedness , a revelling of young libertines , a looking-glass of confusion , hurtful to good manners , and hateful to all good men. finis . an essay upon satyr, or, a poem on the times under the names of the golden age, the silver age, the brazen age, and the iron age : to which is added, a satyr against separatists. buckingham, john sheffield, duke of, - or . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing e estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) an essay upon satyr, or, a poem on the times under the names of the golden age, the silver age, the brazen age, and the iron age : to which is added, a satyr against separatists. buckingham, john sheffield, duke of, - or . dryden, john, - . [ ], p. printed for tho. dring ..., london : . written by john sheffield and john dryden. cf. halkett & laing ( nd ed.). reproduction of original in huntington library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion an essay upon satyr , or , a poem on the times ; under the names of the golden age , the silver age , the brazen age , and the iron age : to which is added , a satyr against separatists , the laws themselves grew lawlesse , and the tribes o' th' gown entail'd their consciences for bribes , like cobwebs , laws the lesser flies entrap , but great ones might break thorow , and escape . brazen age , cap. . p. . london , printed for tho. dring at chancery-lane end in fleetstreet . . the golden age . chap. i. gone are those golden halcyon-days , wherein men uncompell'd , for love of good , fled sin : when men hug'd right & truth ; whose souls being clear , baffled the threats of punishment or fear . no laws , no penalties ; but there did rest a court of equity in each mans brest : no trembling pris'ner to the bar did come , from his severer judge t' expect his doom : no need of judge or executioners , to keep by law that which by right was theirs , the pine not then his mother-mountains leaves , to dance lavalto's on th' unconstant waves . walls cloath'd not towns , nor did mens safety stand in moving forts by sea , or fixt by land. they understood not guns , nor spears , nor swords , nor cause , nor plunder , and such martial words : no armed souldier stood for their defence ; their chiefest armour was their innocence . mans quiet nature did not feel that fire , which since inflames the world , too great desire . kings did not load their heads with crowns , nor try by force or fraud , t' invade the liberty of their obedient subjects ; nor did they strive with anointed soveraigns for sway : but prince and people mutually agree in an indissoluble sympathy . religion flourish'd , and the laws increase , both twin'd in one , the gemini of peace . an universal concord tuned then th' unjarring thoughts of many-minded men in an unblemisht harmony . then right spurn'd the proud thoughts of domineering might ; and lawrell'd equity in triumph sate , upheld by vertue , which stood candidate , and curb'd the power and craft of vice ; maintain'd by the instinct which in mens nature raign'd , th' unspotted soul could not attained be with treason 'gainst the highest majesty ; vice was a stranger to 't , nor could it ' bide to club with av'rice , or converse with pride . nor was it plung'd i' th' whirl-pool of those crimes that have inthrall'd now these degenerate times . th' imprison'd will then , durst not whisper treason , but cring'd to th' dictates of its rectress , reason . friend was the soul of friend , and ev'ry man fed like a stream , the whole , its ocean . chap. ii. the pregnant earth untill'd did yield encrease , . and men enjoy'd what they possess'd in peace . the winter plunder'd not the leaves from trees , nor skurf'd the ground with hoary leprosies . no scorching summer , with canicular heat , parboil'd their bodies in immoderate sweat : whatever autumn pluck'd , the spring did bring , an endless harvest wed an endless spring . the quarter'd year mixt in a bunch did come , and clung it self t'an individuum . then flouds of milk , then flouds of nectar , flow'd , and on the fertile earth all plenty grow'd . th'enamell'd fields with tapestry were crown'd , and floating honey surfeited the ground . of purest blessings men enjoy'd their fill , and had all good , 'cause they did nothing ill . the silver age. chap. i. mans nature not content with this , did range to further things ; fancy is prone to change . then domineering will began to stir , and scorn'd that reason should rule over her . active ambition would not be content to keep its self within its continent ; but being unsatiable , doth aspire ; like oyl , enjoyment makes the flame blaze higher : and appetite , the servant to each sence , would not obey , but have preheminence . chap. ii. arts were invented , studi'd ; men began t' instruct the ground , to plough the ocean . the year 's quadrangled ; people did begin t' erect them houses to inhabite in : coffin'd their limbs in cloaths , ( cloaths first were meant but for necessity , not ornament : but pride , the childe of plenty , made them grow from warmth to comely , thence t' a gawdy show . ) then such magnificence in them begun , that glittering vestures seem'd to stain the sun. houses to babels swell'd , and were baptiz'd with their own founders names ; and men devis'd all ways to write their names , that they might be read in the rolls of vast eternitie . turrets on tiptoe stood , to kiss the skies , and marble-pillars to the spheres did rise . towers did periwig their heads in clouds , as if those were their bases , these their shrouds . men deckt their walls , and drest their spacious rooms with costly excrements of persian looms : and guiltless aras was condemn'd to be hang'd for no crime , but its imagerie . chap. iii. ships crost the angry seas , with billows hurl'd , and in their race begirt the spacious world , rifling it of its treasures , to delight with rarities , the craving appetite . the ransack'd indies brought in weekly rates to feast their curious taste with delicates . the burden'd fields brought in centuple crops , dischannelling themselves into their laps ; yet having stript the earth of what she wore , they not content with this , dive still for more . and the embowell'd earth is brought to bed of treasures , which within her nature hid . musick , the soul of pleasure , still prepares to breath delicious accents in their ears : arabia contributed her gums , and wanton zephire from all gardens comes with odorifrous smells , which did so vary , the phoenix soil did seem ubiquitary . and in all these , the touch and sight did meet ; for what was bliss to touch , 't was bliss to see 't . chap. iv. then with what pomp they feasted , with what state each several course wallowed in antick plate : dish follow'd dish , and course succeeded course ; still chimneys took tobacco by the force of a continu'd fire , which was heapt on for a new meal , ere t'other scarce was done . all outward blessings were in one conjoyn'd , that might delight or satisfie the minde . each place was plenties magazine , to fill their hearts ; yet they had a plus ultra still . men bath'd in plenty , and in pleasure rol'd , then they found out that strife-begetting gold. now men stretch their estates wide , that they might like their desires , be boundless , infinite , wide as the horizon ; the careering sun scarce in a day their limits could out-run . big-belli'd chests uncatechised lay , waiting a general accounting day ; un-eunuch't purses precious stones did wear ; nor did they then the gelding troopers fear : yet having all these riches , they were poor , 'cause , having much , they still desired more . dropsi'd desire did teach men to be vile , from hence did flow the seven-headed nile of deadly sin . this gave sinister birth to injury ; but justice on the earth had yet some being ; laws enacted were ; men must do right , though not for love , for fear . just equity fetter'd the hands of might , with both hands arm'd , and yet both hands were right . then vicious mindes were bridled by the law , and judgements kept disorder'd men in awe . times trod on th' heels of times ; but as they grew , the old were still out-stript in vice by new . the brazen age. chap. i. then men so vile did grow , so prone to sin , the bonds of law no more could keep them in ; they striv'd t'imbarque themselves for hell : then shame and modesty were banish'd , and the name of faith and truth grew odious ; in whose room , fraud , couz'nage , force and treachery did come , boldly out-staring vertue ; and that vice of sword , plague , famine , spawning avarice , teeming with legions of sins ; with these men did commit adultery , to encrease their progeny , and thus at length did raise as many new-born sins i'th'year , as daies . so pride and avarice became the twins of general mischiefs , colonels of sins . ease taught men sloth , sloth usher'd in excess , excess nurs'd pride ; pride , lust ; lust , wantonness ; that , rapes ; rapes , incest ; incest , sodomy ; this brings unnat'ral bestiality . and thus our sacred bodies , that should be gods holy temples , built of puritie , are now prophan'd by sacrilegious sin , and become dens for thieves t' inhabit in ; yea garrisons of rebels : and by these , men so abus'd that crown of blessings , peace , that it was so corrupt , so full of sin , it must be ianc'd ; thus did our woe begin . chap. ii. the angels of the church did soar so high , like lucifer , they lost their hierarchy ; they first from grace , and then from glory fall ; some turning devils , brought disgrace on all to all new fashions they their zeal translate , and disciplin'd the church by rules of state. hetrodox tenents did the truth invade , and mens inventions grounds of faith were made . one ceremony did another send , nor did will-worship know a bound or end . their canons were as various as the winds , nay ( which is more ) unconstant as their mindes . choak'd with their great revenues , they become ( who , being empty , sounded well ) quite dumb . nay they did hold it an extreme disgrace to execute the office of their place . well said a fool , who does a bishop fear , may fly t' a pulpit , for he 'll not come there . like weathercocks , on churches tops they stood , to over-see them , not to do them good : yet being lords , they fain would higher be , and guild their lordships with a deitie . chap. iii. and the cram'd clergie , t' imitate their masters in pride and sloth , grew most episcopasters . the pulpit rusted , some had got a trick ( as if their sermons had been lunatick ) to preach by th'moon , some but at quarter-day ; and then their texts were summons to their pay. some were so costive , they requir'd a year ; like elephants , some ten ; then one might hear ( to the amazement o' th' expecting house ) the groaning hill deliver'd of a mouse . dumb dogs , that wallow'd in excessive store , while those poor souls that all the burthen bore , could hardly get by their continu'd pain , a stipend that might them and theirs maintain . and though one serve a cure , nay two , or three , he must a scriv'ner and schoolmaster be : yet all these trades will scarce so much allow , as a good hinde may get , that goes to plough . instead of this , they studi'd law , and read , not what god says , but what the judges said . their care of bodies choak'd their care of souls ; they more frequented westminster than pauls : they pray'd i' th' temple often , but it was , that their fee'd lawyer would maintain their cause . others , to pleasure , pride and ease inclin'd , studi'd to pamper their luxurious minde with wine and banquets ; but in most of all , the golden number was dominical ; so that it was become a common speech , the way to spoil a priest's to make him rich. if one preacht well , he was in life so evil , a saint in pulpit , out of it a devil . their lives confute their doctrines ; for they strove which most should act the sins they did reprove ; that one might think , that whatsoere they say , were to be done the clean contrary way . chap. iv. and the vain people , always prone to ill , follow not precept , but example still : for they disgrac'd themselves by what they do , and taught the people to disgrace them too . thus that soul-saving function'gan to be a publick scandal , and an obloquie , by the base vulgar , who were glad , for this , to blaze their spiritual father's nakedness . the office so abus'd , men scorn'd to do it , unless bare need , or gain did force them to it . and men unfit , unuseful for the state , yet were accounted good enough for that . and why ? the sordid gentry , in whose hands they'd got the church-revenues , and her lands , turn'd publicans , and stood at churches door ; none must come in , but who paid well therefore . these were church-merchants , and by them did gain , as those by wares , though they dealt not so plain . he that would buy a horse , or take to 's bride a daughter , got a benefice beside . if sacriledge to steal from churches be , what 's he that steals a church , nay two or three ? well did a herauld their base nature note , that gave a wolfs head to them for a coat , swallowing a church , the steeple stuck in 's throat . chap. v. ty'd to the tail of levi , was the tribe of many-asses : some that won't subscribe to god , nor king , nor state , nor law ; but still do vow allegiance only to their will : that to be cross to theirs , did bend their course into a contrary extreme , far worse . men of vertiginous brains , still running round , that cymbal-like , from emptiness do sound ; that abhor learning , and don't hold it fit for christians to pollute their brains with it . they say 't is vain for holy men to seek for language of the beast , or heathen-greek . unbenefic'● and poor , that have no way to get a stipend , but to preach and pray 'gainst church and state ; and 'cause they cannot be famous for learning or divinity , yet they 'll do something to inrole their name in the large catalogue of blab-tongu'd fame ; and though their doctrine be nor sound , nor true , they 'll have 't approv'd , because 't is strange and new . there were some upstart levites , hot and young , active and proud , whose interdicted tongue imprison'd in the dungeon of his mouth , for sacriledge is now broke forth , and grow'th more violent ; or such , whose ears of late , have both been circumcised by the state : whose sufferings spread their fame from far and near ; the giddy people flock in sholes to hear these zealous saints , those pious martyrs prate , with their impoyson'd tongues 'gainst church & state ; who in their preachments tell them , such as we ( beloved ) suffer for our purity ; because we will not follow popish lies , we fall by th' ears with profane pillories . 't is for our good , who ope our ears to take the pious whispers which the nails do make . peripatetick teachers , journy-men , that trot t' america , and back again , to get a proselyte , these dare make kings the subjects of their talk , and handle things direct 'gainst form or order , as each lists . their texts and doctrines , both like sepratists , run from each other ; and their uses loath their company , 'cause holyer than both . and having nam'd a text , like cowards , they straight from the unarm'd words on 't run away ; and thus excuse it , that it is a breach of christian freedome to be ty'd to preach upon one place : they make their doctrines run from genesis to th' revelation , and handle all alike ; a wilde-goose chace they run through countries a curranto pace . they straight divide a text in parts ; but then they do not bring them to be friends agen , but fall to flat adultry with the sense , begetting spurious broods of uses thence ; that such unnat'ral children thence do spring , they dare make head against the text , their king. these are state-barrettors , and set by th' ears the prince and people , commons and the peers . these kindle first , and still foment the rude seditions of the cock-brain'd multitude ; who , like themselves , are planet-struck , and vary , prograde , and retrograde , ne're stationary . their heads , like bowls , run round , unsteer'd by reason ; their bias faction , and their jack is treason . these ever rail at , and are discontent at states and churches present government . and why ? not for defects do they withstand it , because 't is bad , but 'cause the laws command it . eve is their mother ; they think no fruits be so sweet , as those on the forbidden tree . some do not hate it , nor finde fault therein , but 'cause they 've been neglected , and not bin employ'd with hierarchy , since they suppose themselves more fit for government , than those that are instal'd ; which , 'cause they cannot reach , ( like dogs at th'moon ) they bark at , and still teach the peoples reeling fancie to despise church-orders , and embrace what they devise . which always various and changeable be , for nought more pleases than variety . these men are nine days old , and do begin to look abroad upon anothers sin . to other men they are as argos-ey'd as heav'n in spangled nights , when sol does hide in the antipodes , and stars begin to execute his office : to their sin they are as blinde as moles , which lest they might behold , they draw the curtain of their sight . by the foul hands of these , dirt still is thrown on others faces , yet ne're wash their own . for he will soon'st espie the mote that 's blown in 's brothers eye , who hath a beam in 's own . these and the romulists , although they bend their heads contrary , meet at last , and tend both to burn down religion , which doth stand like christ o' th' cross , with thieves on either hand . extremes , both in a circle set their feet , and though contrary go , at last must meet . chap. vi. the many-empty-headed multitude , once mov'd , like hornets , eagerly intrude on all employments , and run forward still , like swine , steer'd only by their headlong will. the zealous cobler pricks his leather-ears , and in the tub ( his pulpit ) he declares , no priest , no doctrine can religious be , that smells of either universitie . so ignorance , the mother of each doubt , leads faction in , and turns obedience out . while he translates , and edifies the soul , the two-ear'd hatter does the crown controul ▪ he peter scorns , himself will be a rock , and sets mens heads upon a rounder block . he with inspired fury doth declare there 's no salvation unto those , whose hair transcend their teeth in longitude ; his shears have raz'd the locks that did besiege his ears ; and lets his rampant ears grow up alone , the two supporters of his globous crown . so each profession , from head to heel , sets forth lay-levites ; and the old ones feel their just deservings , suffering their due ; they displac'd old , and are displac'd by new : and all these simples make one mithridate to be a poison both to church and state. new lords create new laws ; one brings a branch from amsterdam , some to new england lanch ; to scotland , rome , judea , turkie , some ; some to geneva ; back again they come fraught with religions new , of each a feather , all in a chaos bundled up together ; which makes our church all particolour'd show , like joseph's coat , or aesop's theevish crow , a pantheon of religions . mean time our guiltless prayers , which have stood writ in the characters of martyrs blood , the grace of christian churches , the delight of god and godly men , are conjur'd quite out of the church b'extemporary stuff ; which though three hours , yet are not long enough to reach to heav'n ; and though their non-sense dare gore at the clouds , yet never shall come there ▪ by these extremes religion 's from us flown , and our one church grows many ; therefore none . chap. vii . but church and state being twins , and none can hi● the one , but straight the other falls with it ; the court , that should a sanctuary be to vertue , and the bourse of pietie , the throne of justice , and excel in right , as 't did in state , in dignity and might , became th' asylum of ambition , envy and fraud ; where vice doth tread upon o'reswayed vertue , and doth seem to be vertue it self vail'd o're by policie . injurious persons of all sorts resort , as to the horns o' th' altar , to the court. chap. viii . the laws themselves grew lawless , and the tribes o' th' gown entail'd their consciences for bribes : like cobwebs , laws the lesser flies entrap , but great ones might break thorow , and escape : they were no more defence , but grew to be a legal violence , licenc'd injurie . courts were call'd courts of justice ; but it is because there 's none there , by antiphrasis . the ambidextrous judges brib'd , rebrib'd , and lesser gifts to greater still subscrib'd . queen-money made , and un-made all decrees , and justice grew adulterate for fees. it had a balance , but so falsifi'd , that it inclin'd still to the weightiest side . if bribes did plead , they must needs grant the sute : for gifts have pow'r to move , although they 're mute . they had got pearls within their eyes , that so they scarce the truth from injury did know . instead of judges , pride , oppression , fraud , injustice , violence , the bench invade ; justice , the junior judge , sate like a block , or puisne baron , but to tell the clock . what ere the cause be , whether bad or good , it must be felt , ere heard or understood . chap. ix . the under-foggers , with their dagled gowns , like sampson's foxes tails , inflame the towns ; make suits , as conjurers raise winds ; and why ? that they might lay the same , and get thereby . they did intail their clients , and their suit , from term to term , and ev'ry term renew't ; till the poor client had no suit but that , and starv'd his purse , to make their pouches fat . how slenderly a cause is spun when 't is bandy'd between clotho and lachesis ! they must anoint their jaws with bribes , or els their venal tongue nor truth nor falshood tells . their tongues angelical , their consciences strung to their clients purse , where no pence is ; the client is discharged of his pain , till to his cost , he do recruit again . they hoise their fees 'bove statute , law , or task , as if'twere law to pay what they did ask ; whose cheverl-consciences , stretch'd far and wide , and they still wore them on the wrongest side . yet these dunce-desk-men to such wealth did rise , their state nobilitates their families . who ere began a suit , they 'ld draw them on to the third and fourth generation ; as if th'were tenants in fee-simple to them , and they had power , by degrees t' undo them . they can't a cause for one year calculate ; like erra pater , 't was nere out of date . so he that hath been wrong'd , and comes to these for help , 's like one that leaps into the seas to 'scape a storm : or like the sheep that goes to a bush for shelter from the cold , and lose his wooll ; and so by that is render'd more unable to endure it than before : for so much cost and trouble there is in it , that the poor client , when he did begin it , ( though he should have the best on 't ) he were better be overthrown , and would be greater getter . what an eternal term on 't will they hold , when causes come wrapt in a showre of gold ! there 's no vacation then : like mastiffs they destroy the wolfs , because they mean to slay or fleece the flocks themselves . the other twin that did run round i' th' zodiack of sin , chap. x. were spiritual courtiers ; these were more sublim'd in their injurious cunning , and they climb'd to a diviner stile : what e're they do , though ne're so wrong , was law and gospel too . each proctor at his pleasure could derive t'himself the churches pow'r legislative . who not appears , or is behinde in fees , the church must , whensoe're the sumners please , excommunicate ; give up to satan , till god gives him grace to pay his lawyers bill . bawdry was bought and sold , and for a fee men might have license for their lecherie . if any had offended , th' onely curse was the dear penance of an empty purse . and for a yearly custome , an old bawd might have a patent to set up the trade . upon the sabbath they allow'd to play ; but if one wrought upon a holy-day , oh! 't was a crime that nought could expiate , but the large bribing of an advocate ! he 's in a wretched case , each christian knows , that has no better advocate than those . chap. xi . the gallenists , those factors for our health were so infected with this love of wealth , that generally our wounds and all diseases , were slight or mortal , as the doctor pleases : and all our maladies were ever dated by th' purses strength , as if th'were calculated for all nativities , what ere they be ; the purse is still purg'd by phlebotomie . the poor's incurable , the rich must have an endless gout in 's joynts , that will not leave till all the money from the purse be done ; then he that could not go before , can run . besides those quacks , that strumpet to each slave , for a small price , that smaller art they have ; who without judge or jury basely kill more than they cure , to exercise their skill . who need no plague but their own ignorance , accompani'd with their arts masters , wants . the state-physitians more perverse than these , cur'd bad diseases with worse remedies . for sicknesses do usually fall on bodies politick , like natural . these prov'd right empricks , and without all doubt , wrought the states end to bring their own about . for most that seem'd to be the kingdoms friends , tipt publick justice still with private ends . these made the three professions of the gown , ( that were the grace ) the odium of the town . chap. xii . the spring being thus corrupt , the streams can be nothing but currents of impuritie : from this red sea of sin a crew there came , differing in nought from locusts , but in name ; monopolists , that ( priest-like ) had a share in every trade , but more than tythes they were . these did so spawn , they got nine parts at least ; th' right owner scarce was to his own a priest. others were rogues by patent , and did draw a power to pole the people from the law ; which they had made a stalking-horse to be a legal warrant for their villanie . thus painful men , by taxes were , and rates , unjustly cheated of their own estates . and this did make the transitory streets eccho with poor mens cries , where rapine meets with rapine , guile with guile ; and right became an airy title , and an empty name . cities compos'd of several streams that ran from hills and valleys , turn an ocean ; where sins meet sins , like billows , and do strive ( as they with th' court ) for the prerogative . greedy desire is mayor , and puff-past pride aspires , as mayoress , to sit by 's side . treason and cheating , sheriffs ; and next , such plenty of capital sins , they 're more than four and twenty . chap. xiii . and the tame country in its several climes , practise to ape the cities baneful crimes . th' incestuous us'rer with 's own bags doth lie , ingendring use by damn'd adultery ; till every hundred doth survive to see himself centupled in his progenie ; while that curst barathrum still cries for more , beggars the rich , and does devour the poor . and though he learning hates , and every art that 's liberal ; yet he could finde in 's heart to turn logician , and doth understand to do all things with a contracted hand . he ( like an ass laden with various meats ) bites not at all , or else but thistles eats . he cheats his back of needful ornament , and his poor belly keeps perpetual lent : and all to cram a chest , having an itch , but while he lives to be accounted rich : or leave to 's heirs , when he to death inclines , ( got lawfully by him or his assignes ) an ample patrimony , which the sot consumes as fast as ere his father got . the tradesman too , whose weights and measures were lighter than 's wife , and shorter than his hair , with his oyl'd tongue , and dancing complements , the engines of his cheating eloquence , gull'd men by whole-sale , though his wife and he both drove a retail trade , and did agree to ope their shops to all ; whose gain did slide quick as 't was got , by luxury and pride . chap. xiv . dull gluttony did raign , and striv'd to kiss his t'other sister , swinish drunkenness , that nursery of sins ; for there 's no vice so bad , but from this spring it takes its rise . how many swine does this make in a year , if all were sows that wallow in the mire ? this anti-god that uncreates a man , turns him t' a beast , or to a lump again : how does poor reason split it self , and sink , when man lies floating in a sea of drink ! and yet they ran so violently to it , as if they had been onely born to do it . 't was manners , if a man his friend did meet , with pinte and quart they must each other greet ; or if to 's neighbours house a friend did come , 't was welcome stil'd to send him drunken home . men thought no shame to glory in this sin , who could drink most , as if their mouths had been made not to speak , but drink , and bellies were but barrel-like , the continents of beer . yet that 's small cause to boast , did we but see that a weak hogshead can hold more than wee . and yet we see how many a drunken sot hath drown'd and drunk all 's fortunes in a pot ▪ swilling his brutish soul in beer and wine , while his poor family at home doth pine ; and have no food to feed upon but cares , nor any thing to drink ( poor souls ) but tears . this is the gulph that swalloweth a-whole the wealth , the health of body and of soul. chap. xv. th' effect of luxurie and ease , is lust , and this sets men on flame , so that it must be vented by base actions : men did do 'gainst god's , 'gainst nations laws , and nature's too . great persons rang'd like goats to slake their flame , with all variety ; yea , they kept tame their concubines , with costly motives fed ; their handmaids serv'd them both for board and bed ; by whom they issue got , and so might be indeed the fathers of their familie . the ladies kept preambles , men of might , that stood them both for service and delight . men 'gainst the grammar sin'd , and did contest the feminine gender is the worthiest . young men had hoary hairs , or else had none ; and when they had been satiate with one , they 'ld ha'fire-new-ones . nay , the spiritual part of brethren lov'd the flesh with all their heart . but 'cause 't was grown so common , they would be entwin'd with sisters , but extempore . chap. xvi . envy , that hideous monster , meagre , fell ; that skeleton , is belch't up too from hell ; she roosts in peoples mindes , and greatly breeds the bane of vertuous doers , and their deeds : it s own tormentress ; both a plague and sin : oh! how it gnaws the bones , where it gets in ! and yet men were so chain'd to 't , that their eyes waxt sore at other mens prosperities . malicious men did their own bodies pine , to see their neighbours plentifully dine ; and be content , with all their hearts , to lose an eye , to have another want a nose . chap. xvii . honour became a chattel to be sold ( to those that ne'r were kin to 't ) for their gold : such whose unworthy souls did wear a stile but as a livery , and did exile all noble thoughts out of their breasts ; who be , while they 're alive , grav'd in obscurity : men , like their grandsires tombs , titled without , and full of rottenness within , or nought : the garbage of the world , compos'd of mire and slime , like frogs of nile ; if gold inspire their purse with life , it clarifies their fames ; promethean fire was nothing to those flames . fame was but wealth 's elixir ; every clown that could get wealth , might quickly get renown , though they 'd intrench their bodies with such crimes , that they might be the scandal of the times , and had a dearth of worth , or good ; yet when they'd paid for 't , they must needs be gentlemen . nay , this almighty gold such acts could do , that lords , nay gods , were made by angels too . chap. xviii . but thred-bare vertue , and lean honesty , were thought unworthy great mens company ▪ a man of learning , wisdom , breeding , wit , and had all parts that did conduce to it ; yet if his purse were ignorant of pence , a fig for 's learning or his eloquence : but he must cringe and creep t' each guilded sot whose purse is full , although his head be not . thousands per annum were the onely glory , and sweet-fac'd gold the winning'st oratory . these favourites of fortune , ( that is , fools ) whose ignorance did make them foes to schools , and scholars , nay to all ingenious arts ; that had a man nere so deserving parts , and painful in a calling , two , or three , all could preserve him scarce from beggarie . they so dispos'd it , as if 't were not fit one man should have at once both wealth and wit. and yet these muck-worms cannot be so wise , to see how fortune does eutrapelize , and give them wealth to plague them . good men hold they 're fetter'd slaves , although those fetters gold . chap. xix . how many slow-worms had we in our land , 'twixt , whom & beasts no difference could stand ▪ that having wealth , liv'd here , and spent their own ; and having suckt out that ( leech-like ) are gone . whose life ( if'twere a life ) cannot be found guilty of one good act , that might redound unto their kindreds , friends , or countries good , but e'en like belly-slaves , provide for food : whose mindes were not emblazon'd with those gifts that man above a brutish creature lifts : they wear no souls within , or if they do , they count them burthens , nay and troubles too : their bodies do like sodomes apples stand , and they but pleonasmes of our land. luxurious wantonness did still prevent their natural desire of nourishment : they us'd provocatives to eat , drink , sleep ; from hunger , thirst , and cold themselves to keep . the cankers and the bellies of the state , whose limbs stand useless , as if out of date ; and when they die , this onely may be said , here lies one that was born , that liv'd , and 's dead , by whom death lost his labour ; he 's no more but a dead lump , and so he was before . chap. xx. our giddy phansie surfeited with pride , in various habit ev'n the french out-vy'd ; so great was our luxurious wantonness , 't was sin the sun should twice behold one dress . fashions had still a climax ; clothing went from warm , to comely , thence magnificent . our natural hair , not shed by venerie , was shav'd by pride , and we our heads belie with womens excrements ; which might be known , ( only because we bought it ) 't was our own . lech'ry first taught this evil to our nation ; now what it wore for need , we wear for fashion . women transform'd to men , men women grew , we by the shape scarce one from t'other knew ; such boldness those , these such effeminateness s● ossess'd , that both seem'd one androgenes . faces bely'd with paint ; and york put there , where nature did at first write lancaster . when angry teeth fell out , and brake their sums , by the pollution of their stinking gums , begot by sweet-meats , or that trait'rous sawce , the rebel to good stomacks wholsome laws ▪ women had regiments of teeth in pay , and drew out several cent'ries every day , to stop the breaches ; that should poets write their teeth were ivory , it may be right . their heads with massy ruffs were bulwark'd round , and yoak'd in bands , which scarce a measure ●ound . with such impostures , and a thousand more , as if we were not proud , but pride all o're . this brings new sins , new sins new plagues draw on ; so pride's preamble to destruction . a kingdoms bliss is but conditional ▪ when they from grace , they straight from glory fall : for whatsoever unto vice doth tend , begins in sin , and must in sorrow end . the iron age. chap. i. the cup of trembling , which so oft has bin quaft round about us , is at last stept in , and we must drink the dregs on 't : we that be sever'd from other nations by the sea , and from our selves divided by our sin , need now no forrain foes , we 've foes within . what need an enemy the walls to beat , when the defendants sins do ope the gate ? god , who at first , did man to man unite , sets man 'gainst man , in a cadmean-fight . limb jars with limb , and every member tries to be above 's superiour arteries . the elements and humours , that before made up a compound body , now no more kiss in an even temp'rature , but try t'unmake themselves , by their antipathy . and 'cause divided kingdoms cannot stand , our land will be the ruine of our land. the state 's now quite unhing'd ; the engineers , that have been ham'ring it these many years , now ply it home , striking while th'iron's hot , and make our jars th' ingredients of their plot. when bing contriv'd by some , whom schism and pride had long ago inflam'd , now when they spl'd the peoples mindes inclining to their will , set on their work , and more and more instill sedition , by themselves and instruments , to fill the peoples mindes with discontents ; but privately at first , until , at length , they had encreas'd their number , pow'r , and strength chap. ii. then first a meteor with a sword breaks forth into this island , from the boist'rous north ; darting ill influences on our state ; and though we knew not what they aimed at , they went to make us denizons o'th'tombs , while they religiously possess our rooms . these , from the entrails of a barren soil , on an imagin'd wrong invade our isle , upon pretence of liberty , to bring slav'ry to us , and ruine to our king : whose yelling throats b'ing choakt , at last , with that which cures all , gold ; they aimed at a private project , to engage the rout of english-scots , to bring their ends about , and spoil the crown : so what they could not do by force ; by fraud , they slily work us to . they came to help us , that themselves might get ; and are dear brethren , but we pay for it . hence , hence our tears , hence all our sorrow springs : the curse of kingdoms , and the bane of kings . chap. iii. then they in publick meet ; and 'cause they knew , all their success upon the people grew , they feel their pulses , and their cures applie , be 't good or bad , still to their phantasie : what ere they love to praise , and what they hate , in every act to give a jerk at that . what ere they would have done , must not b'impos'd by humane law , but with religion gloz'd ; and when laws penal are too weak to do it , then their lay-levites press the conscience to it ; who are maintain'd to preach , and pray ; and pray ▪ as if they had commissions of array from heav'n , to make men fight ; they crie , arms , arms ; what e're 's the text , the uses are alarms : though they seem pale , like envy , to our view , their very pray'rs are of a sanguine hue ; and though they 've jacob's voice , yet we do finde t hey've esau's hands ( nay more ) they 've esau's mind . their empty heads are drums , their noses are in sound , and fashion , trumpets to the war. these dangerous fire-brands , of curst sedition , are emissaries , to increase division . these make god's word their pander , to attain the fond devices of their factious brain : like beacons , being set themselves on fire , in peoples mindes , they uproars straight inspire : or , like the devil , who , since from heav'n he fell , labours to pull mankinde , with him , to hell. in this beyond the devil himself they go ; he sow'd by night , they in the day-time sow : he while the servants slept , did sow his tares , they boldly in god's pastors sight sow theirs . they 've tongue-ti'd truth , scripture they 've made a glass , where each new heresie may see his face . chap. iv. they make long speeches , and large promises ; and giving hopes of plenty and encrease , cherish all discontented men at hand , to help all grievances : they crouch and stand congying to all , and granting every suit , approve all causes , factions ; and impute all scandals to the court , that they 're unjust , and negligent , giv'n to delight and lust ; and what 's done there ( to give the more offence ) they still interpret in the worser sense . in all they make great shows of what they 'll do ; they 'll hear the poor , and help the needy too . for in all civil discords , those that are disturbers , always counterfeit the care of publick good ; pretending they will be protectors of the peoples libertie ; the priviledge o'th'state , the good o'th'king ▪ the true religion : yet all 's but to bring their own designes about ; they 'll ruine all , that they may rise , though the whole kingdom fall . by these delusions us'd with dext'rous art , they drew all factious spirits to their part . the childish people gazing at what 's gay , flock to these shows , as to a puppet-play : like drunken men , they this way , that way reel , and turn their mindes , as fortune does her wheel . they long for noveltie , are pleas'd with shows , and few truth , from truth-seeming errour knows . their love ( like french-mens courage ) does begin like powder , and goes out , as soon's 't is in . the thing or person whom they dearly love , within a moment hate , and disapprove . they measure every action by th' event , and if they 're crost by some ill accident , whoever serves them , nere shall recompence , with all his vertuous deeds , one slight offence . so wretohed is that prince , that church , that state , that rests upon their love , or on their hate . they 'll all be kings , and priests , to teach and sway their brethren , but they can't indure t' obey , nor rule themselves ; and that 's the onely cause , why they 've pluck'd down religion , and the laws , and yet will settle neither , that they might have fair pretences to make people fight : for by this cunning , every factious minde hopes to finde that , to which he 's most inclin'd : they like miscellionists , of all mindes be , yet in no one opinion can agree . their planet-heads they in conjunction draw , as emptie skulls meet in a golgotha . each head his several sense , though sensless all , and though their humours by the ears do fall ; in this they jump , to disobey and hate whatere's injoyn'd them by the church or state : and all strive to be reformation-men ; yet putting out one evil , bring in ten . chap. v. grreat men , that would be little kings , did come : some led by discontent , b'ambition some ; others of ruin'd fortunes , but a minde to pomp , to sloth , and luxurie inclin'd ; who long'd for civil wars , that they might be instal'd in wealth , or we in miserie . these bobtail'd-bears , would fain like lions raign , and clowns would drive , or ride in charles his wain . these , by their greatness , were the heads of faction : the commons must be hands , and feet of action , that must by force defend , if they had need , their grand designe ; thus on their plots succeed . all humours stir'd , none cur'd ; jar , yet conspire to be all fuel , to begin the fire . some go in wantonness to see , and some must go , because they cannot stay at home . villains , that from just death could not be free , but by the realms publick calamitie : they 're like the milt , which never can encrease , but by the bodies ruine or disease : that with our money must recruit their chests , and onely in our trouble , have their rests . such as in luxurie , in lust , in play , have prodigally thrown their ' states away ; convicted persons , bankrupt-citizens , that spend their own , and long for other mens . servants , which from their masters hither flee , and change their bondage for this libertie . men of high thoughts , and of a desp'rate minde , wilde gallants , whose vast thoughts were not confin'd to'th'circle of the laws ; and all , whom want or guilty conscience made extravagant , flockt in to make up this new colonie , where hainous crimes had got a jubilee . and as in this , so 't is in every state , men of low fortunes envy still and hate the good , extol the bad ; they dis●pprove all ancient laws , and novelties do love : disdain their own estates , and envy those , whose wealth above their ruin'd fortune goes . these are secure from troubles , for they 're poor , and , come what can , they can't be made much more . nor was 't a small incentive , to behold how the poor skowndrels wallowed in gold : how kingly in their diet and array , and how they do their betters daunt and sway ; to whom they had been vassals heretofore , and been perhaps relieved from their door . this made the peasant who did work for'shire , or beg , or steal , leave ploughing , and aspire to imitate the rest as well's he can ; first steals a horse , and then 's a gentleman . a young physitian well may guess th' events of medicines made of such ingredients ; for how unlikely is't , things should go right , when th'devils souldiers for god's cause do fight ? 'mongst these they stole the hearts of some that be true-meaning-men of zeal and piety ; though ignorantly zealous , still possest by their strange doctrine , that none could be blest that were not actors : who did neuters stand , god would spue out ; opposers out of hand should be cut off : no mercie , they decreed , to th' enemie , though christ should intercede . no pardon ; but their goods , moneys and all , as guerdon of their facts , to them should fall . wealth , pleasure , honour , that were wont to be the general spurs to all activitie , were largely promis'd unto every one , just as they found his inclination . it was esteem'd an ordinary grace , for broken citz to get a captains place . the wealthy citizens , whose glut'nous eye gaz'd on the publick faith , that lotterie , though they for fear or shame were loth to do it , they 'd cut down boughs , and cry hosanna to it . they brought their plate and money to this bank , hoping for prizes , but draw forth a blank ; themselves reserve the prizes : and this stands still gaping , like the bottomless quick-sands . you might track plate , like beasts , to th'lion's den , how much went in , but none come out agen ! here was our primum mobile of woe ! this was the mother and the nurse on 't too ! thus many were drawn in : but those that were not mov'd by love , were driven on by fear . chap. vi. the adverse part , perceiving their intents , prepar'd them powers for their own defence . the gentry , for the baseness they did do , were quite discountenanc'd , and justly too : they grew degenerate , and gentilitie was but a nick-name , or a liverie , which every wealthie clown might have , and wear , and be stil'd worshipful . they took no care to keep their blood untainted from the stain of vulgar sordidness , and so maintain the glorie of their ancestors , that be deriv'd to them from vast eternitie ; but mixt the blood that had inrich'd their veins , with each ignoble slave , or trull , for gains . learning , wit , vertue , birth , report , that be essential bases of gentilitie , vail'd all to wealth ; and that 's the cause we finde so many rich in purse , so few in minde . how many justices did wealth advance that had nothing to show , but ignorance ? they liv'd like cedars , and their drops from high made th' poor like under-woods , to starve and die : that in what place we saw so many poor , some great man liv'd not far , we might be sure . now these that so imperiously did awe , when they perceiv'd men did not care a straw for their commands , but that the shrub began to be as stately as the gentleman ; then they ( though not for conscience-sake ) oppose them , that t' infringe the kinglie pow'r arose . the truly noble heroes ( for there be two contrarieties in each degree ) are by the blindfold people made to bear in suffering ( though not in sin ) a share . for when the vulgar to be judges come , then all must suffer for the fault of some . they quickly saw , when the bold subject dares usurp kings rights , 't is time to look to theirs . the vulgar , knowing little , but b'ing led by th'priests , or gentry , joyn to make a head each as his phansie leads him . some ambidextrous villains took one part , and yet held with the other in their heart . such men desire our wars may still encrease , and fear of nothing but a needy peace . mean while the neuters , jacks of both sides stand , poysing themselves , on both , yet neither hand ; like goddesses of victory , attend to take the conquerers part i' th' latter end . those that are wisest , were they argos-ey'd , and ( bithyan-like ) had every eye suppli'd with double sight , yet they could hardly see which side to take , and save their bacon free . so betwixt both , these civil wars ore-whelm th' whole superficies of this wretched realm : this land that was a canaan , while 't was good , is now the sad aceldama of blood. chap. vii . and now the great state-gamesters plainly finde , all , either stir'd in body or in minde . the instruments prepar'd , to work they fall ; ambiguous oaths ( treasons original ) they now invent , impose : first men are made to swear amiss , and then they do perswade , those oaths binde them to do what these intend , stretching poor souls to bring about their end . now jealousies and fears , which first arose from the polluted consciences of those that were the first contrivers ; these divide the limbs from th' head , nay from themselves beside . one won't confide in t'other : this although it rose from nothing , to a world did grow . nor did it lose by th'way● ; like balls of snow , it bigger still , as it did go , did grow . both separate themselves , and each intends distance , a great advantage to their ends . those , that had active been on either side , are mutually accus'd , sent for , deny'd . this makes both stick to what they had begun , and each his course more eagerly did run . first they fall to 't by pen , which did incense both parties with a greater vehemence ; from hence names of disgrace at first arose , and each to other made more odious . and the amazed people did invite to lay aside their tedious peace , and fight . they plainly saw the war , before they could discern the cause on 't , and they might behold th' effects , though not the quarrel ; they well knew that they must feel the war , and end it too . war , like a serpent , at the first , appear'd without a sting , that it might not be fear'd ; but having got in 's head , begins to be the sole monopolist of monarchie . thus by degrees we ran from peace : to go downward , was easie ; but b'ing once below , to re-ascend that glorious hill , where bliss sits thron'd with peace , oh what a labour ' t is ! our floating eyes , in seas of tears , may see the heav'n we 're faln from ; but our miserie does more encrease , to tantalize to th'brink in happiness , when yet we cannot drink . now we must fight for peace , whose worth by most was not discern'd , till utterly 't was lost . none know the good of peace , but such as are broil'd in the furnace of intestine war. chap. viii . now having us'd the effeminate war of words , which did enlarge the jars , at length the swords apparelling themselves in robes of blood , sate doctors of the chair ; which never stood to hear the cause , but quickly does decide all that comes near , and without skill divide all individuums . 't is a fearful case , when undiscerning swords have umpires place : that have two-edg'd to wound , but have no eye to sever justice from iniquity . when rage and ignorance shall moderate , that understand no syllogisms , but straight turning all method into curst confusion , majors to minors , bring both to conclusion ▪ and now the great reformists only care is how to help those miseries which were of their own rearing faction , like a snake , stings those , from whom it did a quick'ning take ▪ first , all the kingdom to a need they draw ; then make that need , they 've brought their only law ▪ this mint of laws stands not on observation of statutes fixt ( the birth-right of our nation : ) it 's turn'd a warlike council , and no more a legal senate , as it was before . now salus populi begins to be the general warrant to all villanie , of which themselves are judges . lawless need ( the conqu'ring rebel to all laws ) does plead a priviledge ; what e're they say or do , new need still makes them act contrary to . when any injur'd subjects did complain , these two laws paramount could all maintain . religion too , and fundamental laws , are both o're-ruled by a law , call'd cause . chap. ix . our quarrel is a working jealousie fixt in a sever'd kingdom ; both sides be so diffident of each , they 'll rather die , than trust each other : such antipathie springs from this ground . subjects dare spill the blood of their anointed soveraign , for his good : th' ungrateful son , forgetting nature's laws , dares kill his father for the good of 's cause : fathers their sons ; and brothers , kinsmen , friends , do seek their brothers , friends , and kinsmens ends . arms , that long useless lay for want of war , are now call'd forth , more summoned from far . english to english are become a terrour ; one wicked action is a second 's mirrour . each strives in mischief to transcend another , and every christian is a turk to 's brother . blows seldom fall upon a barren ground , but bear centuple crops , they still rebound . rage begets rage , men do in vice climbe higher , and all bring fuel to encrease the fire . conscience rejected , men their forces bend , which shall the rest in hight of sin transcend . now faith and loyalty grow out of date , and treason is the gole that 's aimed at . the sacred league 'twixt body and the soul , which laws preserv'd inviolate , and whole , is daily broke , and that sweet bridegroom forc'd from his beloved spouse to be divorc'd . each man is drunk with gallus , and grows mad ; nor can there hellebore enough be had to re-instate our reason in its throne : nor have we sense enough to feel we 've none . th'age was so vile , the iron age of old , compar'd with ours , may be an age of gold. we in the times of peace , like th' ocean , were impenetrable , till divisions tare us from our selves , and did divide us quite , as the red sea was by the israelite . and we like walls , facing each other , stand to guard our selves , while they devour our land. we are like those that vainly go to law , and spend their corn , while they defend the straw : we sue for titles , castles in the air , egg'd on on both sides by the martial lawyer , who saies the cause is good : but what 's the fruit ? we spend the substance to maintain the suit. at last , we purchase at so dear a rate , a larger title of an empty state. but oh ! the general law-case of our nation doth know no term , nor yet our woes vacation . chap. x. nay , we can't soon enough our selves undo , but we call others in to help us too . they bring their pocky whores , and do desire to drive us from our land by sword and fire . these serve as umpires , not to work our peace , but that their wealth may with our wars encrease : for forrain aids and contributions are not to conclude , but to prolong the war , all for their own advantage ; not t' expire , but ( fewel-like ) t' encrease the fatal fire . we ( like the steel and flint ) do fall by the ears , and each by mutual blows his fellow wears : mean while the souldier ( like a wily fox ) purses the golden sparkles , which our knocks strike forth : so we must all expect no less than certain ruine , or a sudden peace . these journey-souldiers will expect a pay , nor can fair promises their stomacks stay : plunder but blows the flame : they will so far ingage themselves in our unnat'ral war , that when they end it , it shall be so well , they 'll take the fish , and give both sides a shell . they ( phoenix-like ) will from our ashes rise , and 't is our ruine only satisfies their bloody mindes ; and we may justly fear they will have all , not be content to share . chap. xi . how direful are th' effects of civil war ! no countries , cities , corporations are , nor families , but their division 's so , that their own selves will their own selves undo . one's for the king , and t'other for the states ; and the poor souldiers , like the andabates , fight blindfold , shoot , are shot , are wounded , die , only because they do , not knowing why . yet those whom rage had hurri'd on to slay each other in the exodus o'th'day , breathe with their souls their anger out , and lie kissing , or hug each other when they die : and though in life they had such enmitie , meet in one death , and there they both agree . two armies now against themselves do fight , for th'publick good , so equal both in might , that between both the kingdom 's like to fail , and both to fall , but neither to prevail : yet both in disagreeing do consent , to be the realms continual punishment . while some , like camels , take delight to swill their souls i'th'troubled waters of our ill , that are on foot i'th'kingdom , and do rise when that does fall ; and on our miseries do float , like arks ; the more the waves aspire , the more they dance , and are exalted higher . that ( leech-like ) live by blood : but let such know , though they live merry at the kingdoms woe , 't is a sad obit , when their obsequies are tun'd with widows and with orphans cries . wo be to those , that did so far engage this wretched kingdom in this deadly rage ! that both sides being twins of church and state , should slay each other in their fatal hate . this mountain-sin will clog their guilty souls , whose pois'nous breath hath kindled all these coals ; and when their souls do from their bodies flie , if they have burial , ( which they so defie , and 't is more fit their carkas meat should be to beasts , whom they transcend in crueltie ) posterity upon their tombs shall write , better these men had never seen the light . 't is just that all achitophels of state , that have his policie , should have his fate . chap. xii . the sun four times , and more , his course hath run ▪ since we began to strive to be undon ; since millions , heap'd on millions , do concur t' encrease the sinews of this too-strong war. the glutted ground hath been parboil'd in blood of equal slaughters ; victory hath stood indifferent arbiter to either side , as if that heav'n by that had signifi'd both were in fault , and did deserve to be both overthrown , not crown'd with victory . while saw-pit warrious blinde the peoples eyes , on both sides , with mock-victories , and lies ; and tell us of great conquests , but they be total defeats giv'n by synechdoche : when one side is the master of the field , t'other striv'd to recruit , but not to yield ; and which soever won , was sure to lose , the conquests being the conq'ror's overthrows , skirmishes every day , where souldiers get salmatian spoils , with neither blood nor sweat : to overcome by turns both sides agree ; horses are taken , but the men go free . towns have been lost and won , and lost and won ; whole countries plunder'd , thousands been undone , all to no purpose : wars still keep their course , and we instead of better , grow far worse . war does the nature o' th' abeston hold , which being once made hot , grows never cold . we have a lease of lives on 't , our heirs be intitled to our plagues , as well as we , by lineal succession . peace is quite ejected from possession of her right . passion 's like heavy bodies down a hill , once set in motion , do run downward still . the quarrel 's still inflamed ; jealousies and fears increase , malice doth higher rise . want comes upon us arm'd : humanity dissolves to savageness ; friendship doth lie trod under foot ; neither oan natures force , or consanguinity beget remorse , or un-inrage mens fury : now the sword is lord chief-justice , and will not afford law the copartnership ; for none must be primate or metropolitan , but he . laws are but ligaments of peace , which are broken ( like threds ) by all in time of war. chap. xiii . plundring , that first was licens'd by that cause , that turns ev'n lawlessness it self to laws , spur'd on by need , and sweetned by the gain , grows epidemical , and spreads amain : it slights the difference of friends and foes , and like an uncurb'd torrent , overflows . that which before was felony , 's the same only new christen'd with a german-name . this violent killing men , which was ere while condemn'd for murther , now they valour stile . opposing of a parliament , they bring now to be due allegiance to the king. and who the king's prerogative do hate , are now call'd faithful servants to the state. the king ( a syllable that us'd to be sacred ; a name that wore divinitie ) is banded on the tongue of ev'ry slave , and most by those to whom he quickning gave . the cobler's crow hath now forgot to sing his 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , but cries , kill the king. he , on whose health , wealth , safety do depend our health , wealth , safety , and with whose they end : he , whom the everlasting potter chose a vessel for himself , is by his foes scandal'd , despis'd : those phaetons of pride , would pull him down , that they might up and ride . our wealth , the excrement of all our toil , for which , in days of peace , we did so moyl , and care to rake together , 's quickly gone , like a scrap'd portion on a scattering son . gold , which we made our god , and did adore , is but a cause to make our plagues the more : the worldling's mammon , which ( he did suppose ) made him not love his friends , nor fear his foes , is now his snare ; nay , 't is become a sin , now to have wealth , where heretofore hath been our only vertue . we call those good men , that swell'd with goods , not goodness ; now 't is grown our onely innocence , if we have none . the idle souldier doth devour the store that painful men have labour'd for before ; unstock the grounds , and clean deface the fields : th' untutor'd ground scarce any harvest yields ; the grass for want of cattel , dries away , and without labour turns it self to hay . corn while it grows , is eat or trodden down ; or if it happen to be reapt or mown , right owners do but toyl the more about it , to bring 't to them , themselves must go without it : they work , fare , lie hard , all to maintain knaves , so that at best , they are but troopers slaves ; and now in them is adam's curse made good , they with much labour get a little food . some men will toyl no more to till the ground , because no profit of it does redound unto themseves ; or ( which is worse ) for want of horse or hindes , those that would do it , can't . chap. xiv . all which do usher in a famine ; that comes seldom unattended ; graves grow fat . when captain lack comes with his hungry troop of fell diseases , and takes people up to victual death a garrison ; then all that scape the sword , must by the famine fall . we , to our grief , shall sinde that axoime true , who die without the sword , die by it too . need will create new foes ; for hunger grows a warrant to all villanie , and knows no property nor right ; wrongs legal be by that authentick law , necessitie . spur'd on by this , no man will pass or care , so he may have 't , from whom , how , when , or where . commanders make a mizmaze of the war , and all their battles subtile motions are . if one remove his men , the other will move after him , and so they follow still ; but yet they have a precept , that confines each in the compass of their mutual lines , and not molest each other ; they agree to share our goods , and set each other free , by mutual change . thus that great idol cause , to whom they 've sacrific'd the mangled laws of god and man , is but a cunning paint , to make a devil seem a heav'nly saint . while we like turkish slaves , are bought and sold , imprison'd , and releas'd , and all for gold , from one to t'other : now we need not fear algier abroad , we have too many here ; and what ere they pretend their quarrels are , they only fight which shall have greatest share in our estates , by rapine , and by stealth ; and thus they mean they fight for th' commonwealth . this lacks a house , and that desires a field ; and new enjoyments new desires do yield . the victors know nor modesty , nor measure of their desires , but their gain , pomp , and pleasure . no moderation bridles or keeps in the head-strong force of a prevailing sin . and the commanders too , that ought to be the remora's to th'souldiers crueltie , sometimes transcend the rest in vice , as far as they b'authority above them are . beggars on horse-back , that no art can do , whereby we may them from inferiours know , but by their injuries , and those do stand as a sure argument of their command . nor sight they as our ancestors did fight , by force to get our law-denied right ; but cauponate the war ; they sell and buy a town , a castle , or a victory . what ere an enemy shall do or say , is all , forgiven if he will but pay . these garisons are sanctuaries still , to shelter those , that do and maintain ill . they 're purgatories too ; we go about to bring in popery , while we drive it out . chap. xv. and yet these souldiers go t' undo us quite , and steal our reason , as they have our right . both say they fight for our religion , and laws , which all our safety stands upon ; yet , they 'ld bewitch us so , we should not see , that by this war both violated be ; unless we take prophaneness for the true religion , and injury for due . if imprisonment be liberty , and peace be made by open wars : if truth encrease by new-broacht heresies ; then churches are maintain'd by blood , and kingdoms rul'd by war. if in those two a gordian-knot were knit , 't is fit that wisdom then should open it , and not the sword. war is the common nurse of barbarism ; souldiers add curse to curse : those rude professors o'th'reforming trade , how unfit instruments will they be made to rectifie the church , that hardly name god , but in oaths , when wine or wrath inflame themselves above themselves ? or if there are men of more conscience than the rest , or care , 't is but to gloze their actions ; we all see their courses are full of impietie . how can we exercise religion now , when want of laws doth liberty allow to all prophaneness ? such lewd men as they have made the war a common holiday to all licentiousness . we hardly can serve god aright ( so vile is every man ; ) nor live uprightly in such times as these , being so wicked in the daies of peace . is this religion , when each souldier dares become a bishop , to correct our prayers , and new-coin all our orders ? each retains a publick synod in his factious brains . temples which pious fathers have erected for divine worship , how are they rejected ! made stalls for horse and men ( more beasts than they : ) where god did feed his flock , horse feed on hay . garments to churches giv'n by saints , t' adorn the sheep , by sacrilegious wolfs are worn . and harmless rails , which stood in the defence o'th'table , from irrev'rent violence , they have thrown down ; as if they would allow no railing , but such as from pulpets flow . whoe're but sees these acts , must needs allow god's house was n'ere more den of thieves than now . such bad effects , or more pernicious far , we must expect : when an eternal war cures a divided church , the victorie will prove more pestilent than th' war can be . chap. xvi . old laws cannot be us'd , or new ones made when general lawlesness doth all invade . custome and liberty have made mens minde uncapable of curbs ; that should we finde laws re-establish'd with a pow'r to sway , men are more prone to suffer than t' obey . the eyeless sword 's unable to decide , but with it's two-edg'd skill it doth divide the client , not the cause , our liberties , which they pretend to save , before our eyes are still infring'd ; they ev'ry day divorce us from our livings , by that law call'd force . nor have we judges , to appeal for right , nor law to live by , but a greater might : that should we by such courses purchase peace , 't would be dear-bought at such high rates as these . nor would i thank their bounty , that present food , when my body is by famine spent . and all these woes ( the more t' augment our curse ) are but sad prologues to an act that 's worse . yet though our woes be great , and still encrease , we 're not desirous , nor prepar'd for peace ; but so bewitched with their fawning knavery , we binde our selves to an eternal slavery : for if that any peaceful treaties are , those manage them that have begun the war : and how unlikely is't , it should succeed , when malefactors judge , and traytors plead ? chap. xvii . the loyal subjects mourn , and grieve to see the realm destroy it self by policie , to prevent ruine ; and will be as far from blowing , as from kindling this our war : not out of cowardise , or fear to die ; but they desire to have a reason why this realm is not better preserv'd by peace , than by such ruine-bringing-wars as these : they see no cause so great , why 't was begun , as now they do , why it should soon be done . they love the king in earnest , and believe , his presence doth a perfect essence give to parliaments ; which though they don't adore , they duly honour , and do wish for more , though not for such : and they think them to be , if right , the kingdoms sole felicity . they think them not omnipotent , but be men , subjects , prone to erre , as well as we . they love religion , and don't hold it fit to have it alter'd by each cockscomb's wit. they would not have it puppeted with shows , nor rudely stript start-naked of its clothes ; as if there were no better way to cure a lethargy , but with a calenture . the surplice , which so much is rail'd upon , and term'd by some the whore of babylon ; wise men will not believe 't is so ; or wer 't , whores smocks will serve to make a rogue a shirt . or if whores do wear smocks , we do not know why honest people should not wear some too . it is not zeal of those that rob us of it ; but 'cause 't was whorish , therefore they do love it . oft preaching is not counted an offence , lest treason and sedition flow from thence : for it is known , they that do faction teach , may ( what d' e call 't ) but neither pray nor preach . good preachers are as contrary to these , as is our zenith to th' antipodes . those like not peace , that go about to draw the gospel from agreement with the law ; and would have so much difference betwixt these two , as 'tween their doctrine and their text. 't is our desire to make them friends again , that so the gospel may the law maintain . they are ( though two ) one word , and should agree ; as their two authors , in one unitie . we hate court-lazy-clergy , and withal , the new state-levites , too pragmatical . we pray for peace , the physick of our nation , not sprung from war , but from accommodation . chap. xviii . why then , you tott'ring bases of our land , who at this wave-tost kingdoms stern do stand , why did you first begin ? why do you still with all your force strive to prolong our ill ? can't all our sad petitions ? can't our charms of people groaning under the alarms of bloody broils , nor slaughter'd subjects cries , move you to end our endless miseries ? sheath up your swords , and let your quarrels cease , or drown themselves in a desired peace . the king and state are individual , and both must needs decay if one do fall . they 're like the twins of old hippocrates , both live together , both together cease . and what a glorious triumph 't is to see both prince and people kiss in unitie ! our god is all-sufficient , and as far in peace he 's to be trusted , as in war : he can as well wisdom bestow , and skill to treat , as pow'r to fight ; and as he will , both have success . 't is man-like to contest by disputation ; force is for a beast . those that do save a state from perishing , do truly love the kingdom and the king. and as much honour will to those acrue , that save a kingdom , as that gain a new . you that are call'd divine , nay gods , why then do you degenerate to worse than men ? and have no share of what should in you be the chief of attributes , just clemency ? is 't not as great a glory , to forget an injury , as take revenge for it ? the injur'd subject would be glad to hear that mutual love might triumph over fear . what if we have been injur'd heretofore ? must we , to help us , make our wrongs the more ? if we were wet before , shall we desire no remedy , but a consuming fire ? and can there be no temperate region known betwixt the frigid and the torrid zone ? war is a pleasant theme to those that do not what it is , nor what it bringeth , know . but they will get as much that first began these broils , as he that ploughs the ocean ; nothing but stormy billows . war 's a play , which both the stage and actors will destroy . 't is like an estridge , hot , and can digest men that are valiant , men of iron brest . would you 've religion ? 't is no godly course to write upon mens consciences by force . faith is destroy'd , and love that cemented the head and members , now from both is fled . where 's then our hope ? god did not hold it good , that hands which had bathed themselves in bloud , ( though in a lawful war ) should ever build a temple to his name : mens brains are fill'd with faction so , that all who lent a hand to un-create religion which did stand established by law , now each is left to his own fancie , how he please to hav 't . now here will be no church ; each pate will be a cross to christ , a second calvarie . nor can the earth bring any fruit that 's good , when it is dung'd with its own childrens bloud . but how melodiously the accents sound of peace , when full-chapt plenty does rebound , and answer like an eccho ! peace is the strength of truth , the strength of laws : law , truth , and peace , are all synonyma's . this is the good mans darling ; from this springs the wealth of subjects , and the grace of kings . chap. xix . but an unbiass'd reason may suppose which side , by th' sword , does prove victorious will so insult o're his inslaved foe , that whatsoever does but make a show of leaning to 't , though in it self most good , will without law or reason be withstood . which side soe're doth rise by t'others fall , will still remain too great , and that too small : and such a victory it self will be a greater war , a longer miserie . for should the king prevail , 't is to be fear'd , we justly are from parliaments cashier'd ; and without those , what can we look for less than an untrue , or else a slavish peace ? so while we pole away his natural power , he 's periwig'd with greater than before . 't is the best conquest when the prince is lord of 's peoples hearts by love , not by the sword : for what 's the king with a full pow'r to sway , when there are left no subjects to obey ? and if the war to th'states a conquest brings , have at prerogatives , and pow'r of kings . for when the realm is in confusion run , ( as it must be , when e're the war is done , ) the people being victors , we shall finde as various in desires as they 're in minde : they 'll be controlling still , and still aspire to limit legal pow'r , not their desire : and when their votes are granted , are as far from b'ing contented with 't , as now they are . both king and magistrate must look to raign no longer than they do their wills maintain : and that great council ( if they did intend ) can't bring the stubborn people so to bend t' authority , that any king shall sway by fixed laws , they loyally obey ; no more than pilots on the stormy seas , can guide their ca'pring vessels where they please . so we ( like fools ) while we do scylla shun , do headlongly into charybdis run . for if we can't endure t' obey one king , what shall we do if we a thousand bring ? chap. xx. how sad our case is now ! how full of woe ! we may lament , but cannot speak , or know : our god , in whom our peace , our plenty lay , in whom we liv'd , on whom we fix'd our stay , who being pleas'd , our foes became our friends , ( all their designes conducing to his ends ) is highly now incens'd , and will no more own us for 's people , as he did before ; but hath deliver'd us to th' hands of those that are our god's , our king 's , our kingdoms foes . and we 're involved in so many evils , that men turn souldiers , and the souldiers devils . 't is he that all this variance did bring ; the king 'gainst us , and we against the king. a king , so good , so gracious , so divine , that ( if 't were possible ) he doth outshine the glory of his ancestors ; yet he is bundled up in our calamitie . better ten thousands of his subjects fall , than he whose life 's th' enchiridion of all . our council's thwarting , and our clergy heady , gentry divided , commonalty unsteady ; that always to the rising party run , like shadows , ecchoes to the rising sun. religion rent with schisms , a broken state , our government confus'd , and those that hate the realm , still undermining , those that brought a civil war , which all our ill hath wrought ; the king in danger , and the kingdom rol'd into inevitable ruine , sold unto her foes . commerce and trade , the sinews of a state , the bane of poverty , grows out of date . learning 's neglected ; and the heptarchy of liberal arts , all unregarded lie . our wealth decays , yet souldiers encrease ; the more we fight , the farther off from peace . united kingdoms jarring , and our foes laugh at , and labour to encrease our woes . a general jealousie , intestine hate , 'twixt several members of one wretched state. both pretend peace and truth , yet both oppose ; which , till both do agree on 't , no man knows . truth is the childe of peace ; the golden mean 'twixt two extreams , which both sides part from clean . the poor , that beg'd relief from door to door , are like to pine , each rich man to be poor ; and many christians are expos'd ( we see ) unto the more than barb'rous crueltie of the remorseless souldiers , who run on , like torrents , uncontrolled , and are grown quite prodigal o' th' guiltless bloud they draw , emboldned by the silence of the law. streets ring with swearing , one oath brings another , as if one were the eccho unto t'other . nor age , nor sex , nor quality they spare , they 're not allur'd by love , nor aw'd by fear . the carolists , and the rotunditie , both must be blended in one miserie . they rack , hang , torture men on either side , to make them tell where they their gold do hide . and lovely ladies cries do fill the air , while they are drag'd about the house by th' hair . some ravish'd , others rob'd of their attire , whose naked beauty ' flames their base desire ; and when they have deflour'd those spotless souls , they butcher them : whole towns calcin'd to coles : children that from their mothers first came hither , are with their mothers by them nail'd together . from wounded hearts a bloudy ocean springs ; the king bleeds in our wounds , we in the kings . slain bodies naked lie , and scarce can have a christian burial ; kings scarce a grave , nor have we zoars to fly to , from ill , but must stay in this sodome , come what will ; where we in floating bloud surrounded lie , like islands in a sea of miserie : nor have we either bulwarks , forts , or arms , to stand betwixt our sences and our harms , but our bare skulls ; no trumpets , but our cries , and those can't help , though ease our miseries . complaint's an easement to a burden'd soul , that vents by retail , what we feel in whole . so on th' hydraula's of our dropsi'd eyes , we ( swan-like ) sing at our own obsequies . we pour out tears , and having spent our store , we weep again , 'cause we can weep no more : yet all in vain , our griess do still extend , and know no measure , nor our sorrows end . nay , which is more , those that should help all this , labour to make 't more woful than it is . peace we may labour for , but ne're shall see , till men from pride and avarice be free . which since we so desire , and cannot finde , let 's make a ladder of our peace of minde , by which we 'll skale that throne , where peace doth dwell , roab'd with such joys , which none can think nor tell ; which neither vice can break , nor time decay ; nor schism , nor treason ever take away . o det deus his quoque sinem . postscript . to his judicious friend , mr. j. h. friend , i have anvil'd out this iron age , which i commit , not to your patronage , but skill and art ; for till 't be fyl'd by you , 't will seem ill-shap'd in a judicious view : but , having past your test , it shall not fear the bolt of criticks , nor their venom'd spear . nay ( if you think it so ) i shall be bold to say , 't is not an age of ir'n , but gold. a. c. eidem . hic liber est mundus , homines sunt ( hoskine ) versus ; invenies paucos hîc , ut in orbe , bonos . owen . ep. to my lord lieutenant of ireland . how much you may oblige , how much delight the wise and noble , would you die to night ! would you like some grave sullen nictor die , just when the triumphs for the victorie are setting out ; would you die now t' eschew our wreaths , for what your wisdom did subdue ; and though they 're bravely fitted for your head , bravely disdain to wear them till you 're dead : such cynick-glory would out-shine the light of grecian-greatness , or of roman-height . not that the wise and noble can desire to lose the object they so much admire : but heroes and saints must shift away their flesh , ere they can get a holy-day : then like to time , or books feign'd registers , victors , or saints , renown'd in calenders , you must depart , to make your value known ; you may be lik't , but not ador'd till gone . so curst a fate hath humane excellence , that absence still must raise it to our sense . great vertue may be dang'rous ; whilst 't is here , it wins to love , but it subdues to fear . the mighty julius , who so long did strive at more than man , was hated whilst alive ; even for that vertue which was rais'd so high , when dead , it made him straight a deity . embassadors that carry in their breast secrets of kings and kingdoms interest , have not their calling's full preheminence , till they grow greater by removing hence : like subjects , here they but attend the crown , yet swell like kings companions when they 're gone . my lord , in a dull calm the pilot grows to no esteem for what he acts or knows , but sits neglected , as he useless were , or con'd his card , like a young passenger : but when the silent windes recover breath , when storms grow loud enough to waken death , then were he absent , every traffiquer would with rich wishes buy his being there . so in a kingdom calm you leave no rate , but rise to value in a storm of state. yet i recant ; i beg you would forgive , that in such times i must perswade you live : for with a storm we all are overcast , and northern storms are dangerous when they last . should you now die , that only know to steer , the windes would less afflict us then our fear : for each small states-man then would lay his hand upon the helm , and struggle for command , till the disorders that above do grow , provoke our curses , whilst we sink below . a satyr against separatists . i 've been , sir , where so many puritans dwell , that there are only more of them in hell : where silenc'd ministers enough were met to make a synod ; and may make one yet . their blessed liberty they 've found at last , and talk'd for all those years of silence past . like some half-pin'd , and hunger-starved men , who when they next get victuals surfeit then . each country of the world sent us back some , like several windes , which from all quarters come , to make a storm . as 't haps , 't is sunday too , and their chief rabbies preach . to church i go , he whines now , whispers straight , and next does roar ; now draws his long words , and now leaps them o're . such various voices i admir'd , and said , sure all the congregation in him praid . 't was the most tedious soul , the dullest he , that ever came to doctrines twenty three , and nineteen uses . how he draws his hum , and quarters haw , talks poppy and opium ! no fever a mans eyes could open keep ; all argus body he 'd have preach'd asleep in half an hour . the wauld , o lawd , he cries lukewarmness : and this melts the womens eyes . they sob aloud , and straight aloud i snore , till a kinde psalm tells me the danger 's o're . flesh'd here with this escape , boldly to th'hall i venture , where i meet the brethren all . first there to the grave clergy i am led , by whatsoever title distinguished , whether most reverend batchellors they be of art , or reverend sophs , or no degree . next stand the wall-eyed sisters all arow , nay , their scal'd-headed children they come too : and mingled among these stood gaping there those few lay-men that not o' th' clergy were . now they discourse ; some stories here relate of bloudy popish plots against the state : which by the spirit , and providence , no doubt , the men that made have found most strangely out . some blame the king , others more moderate , say , he 's a good man himself , but led away : the women rip old wounds , and with small tears recount the loss of the three worthies ears . away you fools , 't was for the good o'th'men ; they ne're were perfect round-heads until then . but against bishops they all rail ; and i said boldly , i 'd defend the hierarchy : to th'hierarchy they meant no harm at all , but root and branch for bishops ; to 't we fall ; i like a fool , with reason , and those men with wrested scripture : a slie deacon then thrust in his ears , so speaks th'apostle too : how speaks he , friend ? not in the nose , like you ▪ straight a she-zealot raging to me came , and said , o'th'what d' you call 't party i am ; bishops are limbs of antichrist , she cries . repent , repent good woman , and be wise , the devil will have you else , that i can tell , believe 't , and poach th' eggs o'those eyes in hell. an hideous storm was ready to begin , when by most blessed fate the meat came in ; but then so long , so long a grace is sed , that a good christian when he goes to bed , would be contented with a shorter prayer : oh how the saints injoy'd the creatures there ! three pasties in the minute of an hour , large , and well wrought , they root and branch devour , as glibly as they 'd swallow down church-land ; in vain the lesser pies hope to withstand . on geese and capons , with what zeal they feed ? and wond'ring cry , a goodly bird indeed ! their spirits thus warm'd , all the jests from them came upon the names of laud , duck , wren , and lamb , canons and bishops sees ; and one most wise , i like this innocent mirth at dinner , cries , which now by one is done ; and grace by two ; the bells ring , and again to church we go . four psalms are sung , ( wise times no doubt they be , when hopkins justles out the liturgie ) psalms , which if david from from his seat of bliss doth hear , he little thinks they 're meant for his . and now the christian bajazet begins ; the suffering pulpit groans for israels sins : sins , which in number many though they be , and crying ones , are yet less loud than he : his stretch'd-out voice sedition spreads afar , nor does he onely teach , but act a war : he sweats against the state , church , learning , sense , and resolves to gain hell by violence . down , down ev'n to the ground must all things go , there was some hope the pulpit would down too . work on , work on good zeal , but still i say , law forbids threshing thus o' th' sabbath-day . an hour lasts this two-handed prayer , and yet not a kinde syllable from him can heaven get , till to the parliament he comes at last ; just at that blessed word his fury 's past : and here he thanks god in a loving tone , but laud ; and then he mounts : all 's not yet done : no , would it were , think i , but much i fear that all will not be done this two hours here : for now comes to , as you shall finde it writ , repeats his text , and takes his leave of it ; and straight to his sermon , in such furious wise , as made it what they call 't , an exercise . the pulpit's his hot bath : the brethrens cheer , rost-beef , minc't-py , and capon reek out here . oh how he whips about six year ago , when superstitious decencie did grow so much in fashion ! how he whets his fist against the name of altar , and of priest ! the very name , in his outragious heat . poor innocent vox ad palcitum how he beat ! next he cuffs out set-prayer , even the lords , it bindes the spirit , he says , as'twere with cords ; even with whip-cords . next must authority go , authority's a kinde of binder too . first then he intends to breathe himself upon church-government ; have at the king anon . the thing 's done straight , in poor six minutes space titus and timothy have lost their place ; nay with th'apostles too it e'en went hard , all their authority two thumps more had mar'd ; paul and s. peter might be sure o' th' doom , knew but this lion dunce they 'd been at rome . now to the state he comes , talks an alarm , and at th'malignant party flings his arm ; defies the king , and thinks his pulpit full as safe a place for 't , as the knight does hull ; what though no magazine laid in there be ? scarce all their guns can make more noise than he . plots , plots he talks of , jealousies and fears . the politick saints shake their notorious ears ; till time , long time ( which doth consume and waste all things ) to an end this sermon brought at last . what would you have , good souls ? a reformation ? oh by all means ; but how ? o' th' newest fashion ; a pretty slight religion , cheap , and free , i know not how , but you may furnish'd be at ipswich , amsterdam , or a kingdom neer , though to say truth , you paid for 't there too dear : no matter what it costs , we 'll reform though ; the prentices themselves will have it so . they 'll root out popery whats'ever come , it is decreed ; nor shall thy fate , o rome , resist their vow : they 'll do 't to a hair ; for they , who if upon shrove-tuesday , or may-day , beat an old bawd , or fright poor whores they cou'd , thought themselves greater than their founder lud , have now vast thoughts , and scorn to set upon any whore less than her of babylon . they 're mounted high , contemn the humble play of cat , or foot-ball on a holyday in finsbury-fields : no , 't is their brave intent wisely t' advise the king and parliament : the work in hand they 'll disapprove or back , and cry i' th' reformation , what d' you lack ? can they whole shop-books write , and yet not know if bishops have a right divine or no ? or can they sweep their doors , and shops so well , and for to clense a state as yet not tell ? no ; study and experience makes them wise , why should they else watch late , and early rise ? their wit so flows , that when they think to take but sermon-notes , they oft new sermons make : in cheapside-cross they baal and dagon see ; they know 't is gilt all o're as well as we . besides , since men did that gay idol rear , god has not blest the herbwives trading there . go on brave heroes , and perform the rest , encrease your fame each day a yard at least , till your high names are gro wn as gloriousfull as the four london-prentices at the bull : so may your goodly ears still prickant grow , and no bold hair encrease , to mar the show ; so may your morefields-pastimes never fail , and all the towns about keep mighty ale ; ale your own spirits to raise , and cakes t' appease the hungry coyness of your mistresses : so may rare pageants grace the lord-mayor's show , and none finde out that those are idols too . so may you come to sleep in fur at last , and some smectymnuan when your days are past , your funeral-sermon of six hours rehearse , and heywood sing your acts in losty verse . but stay ; who have we next ? mark and give room , the women with a long petition come : man's understanding is not half so great , th'apple of knowledge 't was they first did eat . first then plural'ties must be ta'ne away ; men may learn thence to keep two wives , they say . next , scholarship and learning must go down ; oh fie ! your sex so cruel to the gown ? you do'nt the kindeness of some scholars know ; the cambridge-women will not have it so . learning 's the lamp o'th'land , that shines so bright , are you s'immodest to put out the light ? this is a conventicle-trick . what 's next ? oh! with the churches solemn forms they 're vext ! the signe o'th'cross the forehead must not bear , 't was only you were born to plant signes there . no font to wash native concupiscence in , you like that itch still of original sin . no solemn rites of burial must be shown ; pox take you , hang your selves , you shall ha'none . no organs ; idols to the ear they be : no anthemes ; why ? nay ask not them , nor me . there 's new church-musick found instead of those , the womens sighs tun'd to the teachers nose . no surplice ; no ? why none , i crave ? they 're rags of rome , i think : what would you have ? lastly , they 'd preach too ; let them , for no doubt , a finer preaching-age they 'll nere finde out . they 've got the spirit , firy tongues they 've , that 's true ; and by their talk those should be double too . oh times ! oh manners ! when the church is made a prey , nay worse , a scorn to ev'ry cade , and ev'ry tyler ; when the popular rage ( the ages greatest curse ) reforms the age. when reason is for popery suppress'd , and learning counted jesuitism at least ; when without books divines must studious be , and without meat keep hospitality ; when men 'gainst antient fathers rev'rend daies that many-headed beast smectymnuus raise , that hydra which would grow still , and encrease , but that at first it met an hercules ; when the base rout , the kingdoms dirt , and sink , to cleanse the church , and purge the fountains think , they who whilst living waters they might take , drink belgian ditches , and the lemnian lake ; when th'liturgy , which now so long hath stood seal'd by five reverend bishops sacred bloud , is left for non-sense , and but pottage thought ; pottage from heav'n , like that to daniel brought : their broaths have such weeds mixt , and are so hot , the prophets sons cry out , death 's in the pot . oh times ! oh manners ! but me thinks i stay too long with them ; and so much for to day : hereafter more ; for since we now begin , you 'll finde we 've muses too as well as pryn finis . the satires of decimus junius juvenalis translated into english verse by mr. dryden and several other eminent hands ; together with the satires of aulus persius flaccus, made english by mr. dryden ; with explanatory notes at the end of each satire ; to which is prefix'd a discourse concerning the original and progress of satire ... by mr. dryden. works. english. juvenal. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing j estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the satires of decimus junius juvenalis translated into english verse by mr. dryden and several other eminent hands ; together with the satires of aulus persius flaccus, made english by mr. dryden ; with explanatory notes at the end of each satire ; to which is prefix'd a discourse concerning the original and progress of satire ... by mr. dryden. works. english. juvenal. persius. works. english. dryden, john, - . [ ], xxxix [i.e. liii], [ ], p.; [ ], p. printed for jacob tonson ..., london : . translation from latin. the th satire (unsigned) was translated by r. duke. "the satires of aulus persius flaccus" has special t.p. first ed. cf. bm. reproduction of original in british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, latin -- translations into english. satire, english -- translations from latin. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - olivia bottum sampled and proofread - olivia bottum text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the satires of juvenal , and persius . the satires of decimus junius juvenalis . translated into english verse . by mr. dryden , and several other eminent hands . together with the satires of aulus persius flaccus . made english by mr. dryden . with explanatory notes at the end of each satire . to which is prefix'd a discourse concerning the original and progress of satire . dedicated to the right honourable charles earl of dorset , &c. by mr. dryden . quicquid agunt homines , votum , timor , ira , voluptas , gaudia , discursus , nostri est farrago libelli . london , printed for iacob tonson at the iudge's - head in chancery-lane , near fleetstreet mdcxciii . where you may have compleat sets of mr. dryden's works , in four volumes in quarto , the plays being put in the order they were written . to the right honourable charles , earl of dorset and middlesex , lord chamberlain of their majesties household : knight of the most noble order of the garter , &c. my lord , the wishes and desires of all good men , which have attended your lordship from your first appearance in the world , are at length accomplish'd in your obtaining those honours and dignities , which you have so long deserv'd . there are no factions , tho irreconcilable to one another , that are not united in their affection to you , and the respect they pay you . they are equally pleas'd in your prosperity , and wou'd be equally concern'd in your afflictions . titus vespasian was not more the delight of human-kind . the universal empire made him only more known , and more powerful , but cou'd not make him more belov'd . he had greater ability of doing good , but your inclination to it , is not less ; and tho' you could not extend your beneficence to so many persons , yet you have lost as few days as that excellent emperour ; and never had his complaint to make when you went to bed , that the sun had shone upon you in vain , when you had the opportunity of relieving some unhappy man. this , my lord , has justly acquir'd you as many friends , as there are persons who have the honour to be known to you : meer acquaintance you have none : you have drawn them all into a nearer line : and they who have convers'd with you , are for ever after inviolably yours . this is a truth so generally acknowedg'd , that it needs no proof : 't is of the nature of a first principle , which is receiv'd as soon as it is propos'd ; and needs not the reformation which descartes us'd to his : for we doubt not , neither can we properly say , we think we admire and love you , above all other men : there is a certainty in the proposition , and we know it . with the same assurance i can say , you neither have enemies , nor can scarce have any ; for they who have never heard of you , can neither love or hate you : and they who have , can have no other notion of you , than that which they receive from the publick , that you are the best of men. after this , my testimony can be of no farther use , than to declare it to be day-light at high-noon : and all who have the benefit of sight , can look up , as well , and see the sun. 't is true , i have one priviledge which is almost particular to my self , that i saw you in the east at your first arising above the hemisphere : i was as soon sensible as any man of that light , when it was but just shooting out , and beginning to travel upwards to the meridian . i made my early addresses to your lordship , in my essay of dramatick poetry ; and therein bespoke you to the world : wherein , i have the right of a first discoverer . when i was my self , in the rudiments of my poetry , without name , or reputation in the world , having rather the ambition of a writer , than the skill ; when i was drawing the out-lines of an art without any living master to instruct me in it ; an art which had been better prais'd than study'd here in england , wherein shakespear who created the stage among us , had rather written happily , than knowingly and justly ; and iohnson , who by studying horace , had been acquainted with the rules , yet seem'd to envy to posterity that knowledge , and like an inventer of some useful art , to make a monopoly of his learning : when thus , as i may say , before the use of the loadstone , or knowledge of the compass , i was sailing in a vast ocean , without other help , than the pole-star of the ancients , and the rules of the french stage amongst the moderns , which are extreamly different from ours , by reason of their opposite taste ; yet even then , i had the presumption to dedicate to your lordship : a very unfinish'd piece , i must confess , and which only can be excus'd , by the little experience of the author , and the modesty of the title , an essay . yet i was stronger in prophecy than i was in criticism : i was inspir'd to foretell you to mankind , as the restorer of poetry , the greatest genius , the truest judge , and the best patron . good sence and good nature , are never separated , tho' the ignorant world has thought otherwise . good nature , by which i mean beneficence and candor , is the product of right reason : which of necessity will give allowance to the failings of others , by considering that there is nothing perfect in mankind ; and by distinguishing that which comes nearest to excellency , tho not absolutely free from faults , will certainly produce a candor in the judge . 't is incident to an elevated understanding , like your lordships , to find out the errors of other men : but 't is your prerogative to pardon them ; to look with pleasure on those things , which are somewhat congenial , and of a remote kindred to your own conceptions : and to forgive the many failings of those , who with their wretched art , cannot arrive to those heights that you possess , from a happy , abundant , and native genius . which are as inborn to you , as they were to shakespear ; and for ought i know to homer ; in either of whom we find all arts and sciences , all moral and natural philosophy , without knowing that they ever study'd them . there is not an english writer this day living , who is not perfectly convinc'd , that your lordship excels all others , in all the several parts of poetry which you have undertaken to adorn . the most vain , and the most ambitious of our age have not dar'd to assume so much , as the competitours of themistocles : they have yielded the first place , without dispute ; and have been arrogantly content , to be esteem'd as second to your lordship ; and even that also , with a longo , sed proximi intervallo . if there have been , or are any , who go farther in their self-conceipt , they must be very singular in their opinion : they must be like the officer , in a play , who was call'd captain , lieutenant , and company . the world will easily conclude , whether such unattended generals can ever be capable of making a revolution in parnassus . i will not attempt in this place , to say any thing particular of your lyrick-poems , though they are the delight and wonder of this age , and will be the envy of the next . the subject of this book confines me to satire : and in that , an author of your own quality , ( whose ashes i will not disturb , ) has given you all the commendation , which his self-sufficiency cou'd afford to any man : the best good man , with the worst-natur'd muse. in that character , methinks i am reading iohnson's verses to the memory of shakespear : an insolent , sparing , and invidious panegyrick : where good nature , the most god-like commendation of a man , is only attributed to your person , and deny'd to your writings : for they are every where so full of candour , that like horace , you only expose the follies of men , without arraigning their vices ; and in this excel him , that you add that pointedness of thought , which is visibly wanting in our great roman . there is more of salt in all your verses , than i have seen in any of the moderns , or even of the ancients : but you have been sparing of the gaul ; by which means you have pleas'd all readers , and offended none . donn alone , of all our countrymen , had your talent ; but was not happy enough to arrive at your versification . and were he translated into numbers , and english , he wou'd yet be wanting in the dignity of expression . that which is the prime vertue , and chief ornament of virgil , which distinguishes him from the rest of writers , is so conspicuous in your verses , that it casts a shadow on all your contemporaries ; we cannot be seen , or but obscurely , while you are present . you equal donn , in the variety , multipicity , and choice of thoughts ; you excel him in the manner , and the words . i read you both , with the same admiration , but not with the same delight . he affects the metaphysicks , not only in his satires , but in his amorous verses , where nature only shou'd reign ; and perplexes the minds of the fair sex with nice speculations of philosophy , when he shou'd ingage their hearts , and entertain them with the softnesses of love. in this ( if i may be pardon'd for so bold a truth ) mr. cowley has copy'd him to a fault : so great a one , in my opinion , that it throws his mistress infinitely below his pindariques , and his latter compositions ; which are undoubtedly the best of his poems , and the most correct . for my own part , i must avow it freely to the world , that i never attempted any thing in satier , wherein i have not study'd your writings as the most perfect model . i have continually laid them before me ; and the greatest commendation , which my own partiality can give to my productions , is that they are copies , and no farther to be allow'd , than as they have true it is , that some bad poems , though not all , carry their owners marks about ' em . there is some peculiar aukardness , false grammar , imperfect sense , or at the least obscurity ; some brand or other on this buttock , or that ear , that 't is notorious who are the owners of the cattel , though they shou'd not sign it with their names . but your lordship , on the contrary , is distinguish'd , not only by the excellency of your thoughts ▪ but by your stile , and manner of expressing them . a painter judging of some admirable pi●●e , may affirm with certainty , that it was of holben , or vandyke : but vulgar designs , and common draughts , are easily mistaken , and misapply'd . thus , by my long study of your lordship , i am arriv'd at the knowledge of your particular manner . in the good poems of other men , like those artists , i can only say , this is like the draught of such a one , or like the colouring of another . in short , i can only be sure , that 't is the hand of a good master : but in your performances 't is scarcely possible for me to be deceiv'd . if you write in your strength , you stand reveal'd at the first view ; and shou'd you write under it , you cannot avoid some peculiar graces , which only cost me a second consideration to discover you : for i may say in , with all the severity of truth , that every line of yours is precious . your lordship 's only fault is , that you have not written more : unless i cou'd add another , and that yet greater , but i fear for the publick , the accusation wou'd not be true , that you have written , and out of a vicious modesty will not publish . virgil has confin'd his works within the compass of eighteen thousand lines , and has not treaced many subjects ; yet he ever had , and ever will have the reputation of the best poet. martial says of him , that he cou'd have excell'd vasius in tragedy , and horace in lyrick poetry , but out of deference to his friends he attempted neither . the same p●evalence of genius is in your lordship , but the world cannot pardon your concealing it on the same consideration ; because we have neither a living varius , nor a horace , in whose excellencies both of poems , odes and satires , you had equall'd them , if our language had not yielded to the roman majesty , and length of time had not added a reverence to the works of horace . for good sense is the same in all or most ages ; and course of time rather improves nature , than impairs her . what has been , may be again : another homer , and another virgil may possibly arise from those very causes which produc'd the first : though it wou'd be impudence to affirm that any such have yet appear'd . 't is manifest , that some particular ages have been more happy than others in the production of great men ▪ in all sorts of arts and sciences : as that of eurypides , sophocles , aristophanes , and the rest for stage-poetry amongst the greeks : that of augustus , for heroick , lyrick , dramatick , elegiaque , and indeed all sorts of poetry ; in the persons of virgil , horace , varius , ovid , and many others ; especially if we take into that century the latter end of the commonwealth ; wherein we find varro , lucr●tius , and catullus : and at the same time liv'd cicero and salust , and caesar. a famous age in modern times , for learning in every kind , was that of lorenzo de medici , and his son lee the tenth . wherein painting was reviv'd , and poetry flourish'd , and the greek language was restor'd . examples in all these are obvious : but what i wou'd infer , is this ; that in such an age 't is possible some great genius may arise , to equal any of the antients ; abating only for the language . for great contemporaries whet and cultivate each other : and mutual borrowing ▪ and commerce , makes the common riches of learning , as it does of the civil government . but suppose that homer and virgil were the only of their species , and that nature was so much worn out in producing them , that she is never able to bear the like again ; yet the example only holds in heroick poetry : in tragedy and satire i offer my self to maintain against some of our modern criticks , that this age and the last , particularly in england , have excell'd the ancients in both those kinds ; and i wou'd instance in shakespear of the former , of your lordship in the latter sort . thus i might safely confine my self to my native country : but if i wou'd only cross the seas , i might find in france a living horace and a iuvenal , in the person of the admirable boileau : whose numbers are excellent , whose expressions are noble , whose thoughts are just , whose language is pure , whose satire is pointed , and whose sense is close ; what he borrows from the ancients , he repays with usury of his own : in coin as good , and almost as universally valuable : for setting prejudice and partiality apart , though he is our enemy , the stamp of a louis , the patron of all arts , is not much inferiour to the medal of an augustus caesar. let this be said without entring into the interests of factions and parties ; and relating only to the bounty of that king to men of learning and merit : a praise so just , that even we who are his enemies , cannot refuse it to him . now if it may be permitted me to go back again , to the consideration of epique poetry , i have confess'd , that no man hitherto has reach'd , or so much as approach'd to the excellencies of homer or of virgil ; i must farther add , that statius , the best vers●ficator next to virgil , knew not how to design after him , though he had the model in his eye ; that lucan is wanting both in design and subject , and is besides too full of heat , and affectation ; that amongst the moderns , ariosto neither design'd justly , nor observ'd any unity of action , or compass of time , or moderation in the vastness of his draught ; his style is luxurious , without majesty , or decency ; and his adventures , without the compass of nature and possibility : tasso , whose design was regular , and who observ'd the rules of unity in time and place , more clos●ly than virgil ▪ yet was not so happy in his action ; he confesses himself to have been too lyrical , that is ▪ to have written beneath the dignity of heroick verse , in his episodes of sophr●nia , erminia , and armida ; his story is not so pleasing as ariostos ; he is too flatu●●nt sometimes ▪ and sometimes too dry ; many times unequal , and almost always forc'd ; and besides , is full of conceipts , points of epigram and 〈◊〉 ; all which are not only below the dignity of heroick verse , but contrary to its nature : virgil and homer have not one of them . and those who are guilty of so boyish an ambition in so grave a subject , are so far from being consider'd as heroique poets ▪ that they ought to be turn'd down from homer to the anthologia , from virgil to martial and owen's epigrams , and from spencer to fleck●● that is , from the top to the bottom of all poetry . but to return to tasso , he borrows from the invention of boyard● , and in his alteration of his poem , which is infinitely for the worse , imitates homer so very 〈◊〉 , that ( for example ) he gives the king of ierusalem fifty sons , only because homer had bestow'd the like number on king priam ; he kills the youngest in the same manner , and has provided his hero with a patroclus , under another name , only to bring him back to the wars , when his friend was kill'd . the french have perform'd nothing in this kind , which is not far below those two italians , and subject to a thousand more reflections , without examining their saint lewis , their pucelle , or their alarique : the english have only to boast of spencer and milton , who neither of them wanted either genius , or learning , to have been perfect poets ; and yet both of them are liable to many censures . for there is no uniformity in the design of spencer : he aims at the accomplishment of no one action : he raises up a hero for every one of his adventures ; and endows each of them with some particular moral virtue , which renders them all equal , without subordination or preference . every one is mot valiant in his own legend ; only we must do him that justice to observe , that magnanimity , which is the character of prince arthur , shines throughout the whole poem ; and succours the rest , when they are in distress . the original of every knight , was then living in the court of queen elizabeth : and he attributed to each of them that virtue , which he thought was most conspicuous in them : an ingenious piece of flattery , tho' it turn'd not much to his account . had he liv'd to finish his poem , in the six remaining legends , it had certainly been more of a piece ; but cou'd not have been perfect , because the model was not true . but prince arthur , or his chief patron , sir philip sidney , whom he intended to make happy , by the marriage of his gloriana , dying before him , depriv'd the poet , both of means and spirit , to accomplish his design : for the rest , his obsolete language , and the ill choice of his stanza , are faults but of the second magnitude : for notwithstanding the first he is still intelligible , at least , after a little practice ; and for the last , he is the more to be admir'd ; that labouring under such a difficulty , his verses are so numerous , so various , and so harmonious , that only virgil , whom he profestly imitated , has surpass'd him , among the romans ; and only mr. waller among the english. as for mr. milton , whom we all admire with so much justice , his subject is not that of an heroique poem ; properly so call'd : his design is the losing of our happiness ; his event is not prosperous , like that of all other epique works : his heavenly machines are many , and his humane persons are but two . but i will not take mr. rymer's work out of his hands . he has promis'd the world a critique on that author ; wherein , tho' he will not allow his poem for heroick , i hope he will grant us , that his thoughts are elevated , his words sounding , and that no man has so happily copy'd the manner of homer ; or so copiously translated his grecisms , and the latin elegancies of virgil. 't is true , he runs into a flat of thought , sometimes for a hundred lines together , but 't is when he is got into a track of scripture : his antiquated words were his choice , not his necessity ; for therein he imitated spencer , as spencer did chawcer . and tho' , perhaps , the love of their masters , may have transported both too far ▪ in the frequent use of them ; yet in my opinion , obsolete words may then be laudably reviv'd , when either they are more sounding , or more significant than those in practice : and when their obscurity is taken away , by joining other words to them which clear the sense ; according to the rule of horace , for the admission of new words . but in both cases , a moderation is to be observ'd , in the use of them : for unnecessary coynage , as well as unnecessary revival , runs into affectation ; a fault to be avoided on either hand . neither will i justifie milton for his blank verse , tho' i may excuse him , by the example of hannibal caro , and other italians , who have us'd it : for whatever causes he alledges for the abolishing of rhyme ( which i have not now the leisure to examine ) his own particular reason is plainly this , that rhyme was not his talent ; he had neither the ease of doing it , nor the graces of it ; which is manifest in his iuvenilia , or verses written in his youth : where his rhyme is always constrain'd and forc'd , and comes hardly from him at an age when the soul is most pliant ; and the passion of love , makes almost every man a rhymer , tho' not a poet. by this time , my lord , i doubt not but that you wonder , why i have run off from my biass so long together , and made so tedious a digression from satire to heroique poetry . but if you will not excuse it , by the tattling quality of age , which , as sir william davenant says , is always narrative ; yet i hope the usefulness of what i have to say on this subject , will qualifie the remoteness of it ; and this is the last time i will commit the crime of prefaces ; or trouble the world with my notions of any thing that relates to verse . i have then , as you see , observ'd the failings of many great wits amongst the moderns , who have attempted to write as epique poem : besides these , or the like animadversions of them by other men , there is yet a farther reason given , why they cannot possibly succeed , so well as the ancients , even tho' we cou'd allow them not to be inferiour , either in genius or learning , or the tongue in which they write ; or all those other wonderful qualifications which are necessary to the forming of a true accomplish'd heroique poet. the fault is laid on our religion : they say that christianity is not capable of those embellishments which are afforded in the belief of those ancient heathens . and 't is true , that in the severe notions of our faith ; the fortitude of a christian consists in patience , and suffering for the love of god , what ever hardships can befall him in the world ; not in any great attempt ; or in performance of those enterprises which the poets call heroique ; and which are commonly the effects of interest , ostentation , pride and worldly honour . that humility and resignation are our prime vertues ; and that these include no action , but that of the soul : when as , on the contrary , an heroique poem requires , to its necessary design , and as its last perfection , some great action of war , the accomplishment of some extraordinary undertaking ; which requires the strength and vigour of the body , the duty of a souldier , the capacity and prudence of a general ; and , in short , as much , or more of the active virtue , than the suffering . but to this , the answer is very obvious . god has plac'd us in our several stations ; the virtues of a private christian are patience , obedience , submission , and the like ; but those of a magistrate , or general , or a king , are prudence , counsel , active fortitude , coercive power , awful command , and the exercise of magnanimity , as well as justice . so that this objection hinders not , but that an epique poem , or the heroique action of some great commander , enterpris'd for the common good , and honour of the christian cause , and executed happily , may be as well written now , as it was of old by the heathens ; provided the poet be endu'd with the same talents ; and the language , though not of equal dignity , yet as near approaching to it , as our modern barbarism will allow , which is all that can be expected from our own or any other now extant , though more refin'd , and therefore we are to rest contented with that only inferiority , which is not possibly to be remedy'd . i wish . i cou'd as easily remove that other difficulty which yet remains . 't is objected by a great french critique , as well as an admirable poet , yet living , and whom i have mention'd with that honour , which his merit exacts from me , i mean boileau , that the machines of our christian religion in heroique poetry , are much more feeble to support that weight than those of heathenism . their doctrine , grounded as it was on ridiculous fables , was yet the belief of the two victorious monarchies , the grecian , and roman . their gods did not only interest themselves in the event of wars ( which is the effect of a superiour providence ) but also espous'd the several parties , in a visible corporeal descent , mannag'd their intrigues , and fought their battels sometimes in opposition to each other : tho' virgil ( more discreet than homer in that last particular ) has contented himself with the partiality of his deities , their favours , their counsels or commands , to those whose cause they had espous'd , without bringing them to the outrageousness of blows . now , our religion ( says he ) is depriv'd of the greatest part of those machines ; at least the most shining in epique poetry . tho' st. michael in ariosto seeks out discord , to send her amongst the pagans , and finds her in a convent of friars , where peace should reign , which indeed is fine satire ; and satan , in tasso , excites solyman , to an attempt by night on the christian camp , and brings an host of devils to his assistance ; yet the arch-angel , in the former example , when discord was restive , and would not be drawn from her belov'd monastery with fair words , has the whip-hand of her , drags her out with many stripes , sets her , on gods-name , about her business ; and makes her know the difference of strength betwixt a nuncio of heaven , and a minister of hell : the same angel , in the latter instance from tasso ( as if god had never another messenger , belonging to the court , but was confin'd like iupiter to mercury , and iuno to iris , ) when he sees his time , that is , when half of the christians are already kill'd , and all the rest are in a fair way to be routed , stickles betwixt the remainders of god's host , and the race of fiends ; pulls the devils backward by their tails , and drives them from their quarry ; or otherwise the whole business had miscarri'd , and ierusalem remain'd untaken . this , says boileau , is a very unequal match for the poor devils ; who are sure to come by the worst of it in the combat ; for nothing is more easie , than for an almighty power to bring his old rebels to reason , when he pleases . consequently , what pleasure , what entertainment can be rais'd from so pitiful a machine ? where we see the success of the battel , from the very beginning of it ? unless that , as we are christians , we are glad that we have gotten god on our side , to maul our enemies , when we cannot do the work our selves . for if the poet had given the faithful more courage , which had cost him nothing , or at least have made them exceed the turks in number , he might have gain'd the victory for us christians , without interessing heaven in the quarrel ; and that with as much ease , and as little credit to the conqueror , as when a party of a hundred souldiers defeats another which consists only of fifty . this , my lord , i confess is such an argument against our modern poetry , as cannot be answer'd by those mediums , which have been us'd . we cannot hitherto boast , that our religion has furnish'd us with any such machines , as have made the strength and beauty of the ancient buildings . but , what if i venture to advance an invention of my own , to supply the manifest defect of our new writers : i am sufficiently sensible of my weakness , and 't is not very probable , that i shou'd succeed in such a project , whereof i have not had the least hint from any of my predecessors , the poets , or any of their seconds , and coadjutors , the critiques . yet we see the art of war is improv'd in sieges , and new instruments of death are invented daily . something new in philosophy and the mechanicks is discover'd almost every year : and the science of former ages is improv'd by the succeeding . i will not detain you with a long preamble to that , which better judges will , perhaps , conclude to be little worth . 't is this , in short , that christian poets have not hitherto been acquainted with their own strength . if they had search'd the old testament as they ought , they might there have found the machines which are proper for their work ; and those more certain in their effect , than it may be the new-testament is , in the rules sufficient for salvation . the perusing of one chapter in the prophecy of daniel , and accommodating what there they find , with the principles of platonique philosophy , as it is now christianis'd , wou'd have made the ministry of angels as strong an engine , for the working up heroique poetry , in our religion , as that of the ancients has been to raise theirs by all the fables of their gods , which were only receiv'd for tuths by the most ignorant , and weakest of the people . 't is a doctrine almost universally receiv'd by christians , as well protestants as catholicks , that there are guardian angels appointed by god almighty , as his vicegerents , for the protection and government of cities , provinces , kingdoms , and monarchies ; and those as well of heathens , as of true believers . all this is so plainly prov'd from those texts of daniel , that it admits of no farther controversie . the prince of the persians , and that other of the grecians , are granted to be the guardians and protecting ministers of those empires . it cannot be deny'd , that they were opposite , and resisted one another . st. michael is mention'd by his name , as the patron of the iews , and is now taken by the christians , as the protector general of our religion . these tutelar genij , who presided over the several people and regions committed to their charge , were watchful over them for good , as far as their commissions cou'd possibly extend . the general purpose , and design of all , was certainly the service of their great creatour . but 't is an undoubted truth , that for ends best known to the almighty majesty of heaven , his providential designs for the benefit of his creatures , for the debasing and punishing of some nations , and the exaltation and temporal reward of others , were not wholly known to these his ministers ; else why those factious quarrels , controversies , and battels amongst themselves , when they were all united in the same design , the service and honour of their common master ? but being instructed only in the general , and zealous of the main design ; and as finite beings , not admitted into the secrets of government , the last resorts of providence , or capable of discovering the final purposes of god , who can work good out of evil , as he pleases ; and irresistably sways all manner of events on earth , directing them finally for the best , to his creation in general , and to the ultimate end of his own glory in particular : they must of necessity be sometimes ignorant of the means conducing to those ends , in which alone they can jarr , and oppose each other . one angel , as we may suppose the prince of persia , as he is call'd , judging , that it would be more for god's honour , and the benefit of his people , that the median and persian monarchy , which deliver'd them from the babylonish captivity , shou'd still be uppermost : and the patron of the grecians , to whom the will of god might be more particularly reveal'd , contending on the other side , for the rise of alexander and his successors , who were appointed to punish the backsliding iews , and thereby to put them in mind of their offences , that they might repent , and become more virtuous , and more observant of the law reveal'd . but how far these controversies and appearing enmities of those glorious creatures may be carri'd ; how these oppositions may best be manag'd , and by what means conducted , is not my business to shew or determine : these things must be left to the invention and judgment of the poet : if any of so happy a genius be now living , or any future age can produce a man , who being conversant in the philosophy of plato , as it is now accommodated to christian use ; for ( as virgil gives us to understand by his example ) that is the only proper of all others for an epique poem , who to his natural endowments , of a large invention , a ripe judgment , and a strong memory , has join'd the knowledge of the liberal arts and sciences , and particularly , moral philosophy , the mathematicks , geography and history , and with all these qualifications is born a poet ; knows , and can practice the variety of numbers , and is master of the language in which he writes ; if such a man , i say , be now arisen , or shall arise , i am vain enough to think , that i have propos'd a model to him , by which he may build a nobler , a more beautiful and more perfect poem , than any yet extant since the ancients . there is another part of these machines yet wanting ; but by what i have said , it wou'd have been easily supply'd by a judicious writer . he cou'd not have fail'd , to add the opposition of ill spirits to the good ; they have also their design , ever opposite to that of heaven ; and this alone , has hitherto been the practice of the moderns : but this imperfect system , if i may call it such , which i have given , will infinitely advance and carry farther that hypothesis of the evil spirits contending with the good. for being so much weaker since their fall , than those blessed beings , they are yet suppos'd to have a permitted power from god , of acting ill , as from their own deprav'd nature they have always the will of designing it . a great testimony of which we find in holy writ , when god almighty suffer'd satan to appear in the holy synod of the angels , ( a thing not hitherto drawn into example by any of the poets , ) and also gave him power over all things belonging to his servant iob , excepting only life . now what these wicked spirits cannot compass , by the vast disproportion of their forces , to those of the superiour beings : they may by their fraud and cunning carry farther , in a seeming league , confederacy or subserviency to the designs of some good angel , as far as consists with his purity , to suffer such an aid , the end of which may possibly be disguis'd , and conceal'd from his finite knowledge . this is indeed to suppose a great errour in such a being : yet since a devil can appear like an angel of light ; since craft and malice may sometimes blind for a while a more perfect understanding ; and lastly , since milton has given us an example of the like nature , when satan appearing like a cherub , to vriel , the intelligence of the sun , circumvented him even in his own province , and pass'd only for a curious traveller through those new created regions , that he might observe therein the workmanship of god , and praise him in his works . i know not why , upon the same supposition , or some other , a fiend may not deceive a creature of more excellency than himself , but yet a creature ; at least by the connivance , or tacit permission of the omniscient being . thus , my lord , i have as briefly as i cou'd , given your lordship , and by you the world a rude draught of what i have been long labouring in my imagination . and what i had intended to have put in practice , ( though far unable for the attempt of such a poem ) and to have left the stage , to which my genius never much inclin'd me , for a work which wou'd have taken up my life in the performance of it . this too , i had intended chiefly for the honour of my native country , to which a poet is parcicularly oblig'd : of two subjects , both relating to it , i was doubtful , whether i shou'd chuse that of king arthur , conquering the saxons ; which being farther distant in time , gives the greater scope to my invention : or that of edward the black prince in subduing spain , and restoring it to the lawful prince , though a great tyrant , don pedro the cruel : which for the compass of time , including only the expedition of one year : for the greatness of the action , and its answearable event ; for the magnanimity of the english hero , oppos'd to the ingratitude of the person whom he restor'd ; and for the many beautiful episodes , which i had interwoven with the principal design , together with the characters of the chiefest english persons ; wherein , after virgil and spencer , i wou'd have taken occasion to represent my living friends and patrons of the noblest families , and also shadow'd the events of future ages , in the succession of our imperial line . with these helps , and those of the machines , which i have mention'd ; i might perhaps have done as well as some of my predecessors ; or at least chalk'd out a way , for others to amend my errors in a like design . but being encourag'd only with fair words , by king charles ii , my little sallary ill paid , and no prospect of a future subsistance , i was then discourag'd in the beginning of my attempt ; and now age has overtaken me ; and want , a more insufferable evil , through the change of the times , has wholly disenabl'd me . tho' i must ever acknowledge , to the honour of your lordship , and the eternal memory of your charity , that since this revolution , wherein i have patiently suffer'd the ruin of my small fortune , and the loss of that poor subsistance which i had from two kings , whom i had serv'd more faithfully than profitably to my self ; then your lordship was pleas'd , out of no other motive , but your own nobleness , without any desert of mine , or the least sollicitation from me , to make me a most bountiful present , which at that time , when i was most in want of it , came most seasonably and unexpectedly to my relief . that favour , my lord , is of it self sufficient to bind any grateful man , to a perpetual acknowledgment , and to all the future service , which one of my mean condition , can be ever able to perform . may the almighty god return it for me , both in blessing you here , and rewarding you hereafter . i must not presume to defend the cause for which i now suffer , because your lordship is engag'd against it : but the more you are so , the greater is my obligation to you : for your laying aside all the considerations of factions and parties , to do an action of pure disinteress'd charity . this is one amongst many of your shining qualities , which distinguish you from others of your rank : but let me add a farther truth , that without these ties of gratitude , and abstracting from them all , i have a most particular inclination to honour you ; and if it were not too bold an expression , to say , i love you . 't is no shame to be a poet , tho' 't is to be a bad one . augustus caesar of old , and cardinal richlieu of late , wou'd willingly have been such ; and david and solomon were such . you , who without flattery , are the best of the present age in england , and wou'd have been so , had you been born in any other country , will receive more honour in future ages , by that one excellency , than by all those honours to which your birth has intitl'd you , or your merits have acquir'd you . ne , forte , pudori , sit tibi musa lyrae solers , & cantor apollo . i have formerly said in this epistle , that i cou'd distinguish your writings from those of any others : 't is now time to clear my self from any imputation of self-conceipt on that subject . i assume not to my self any particular lights in this discovery ; they are such only as are obvious to every man of sense and judgment , who loves poetry , and understands it . your thoughts are always so remote from the common way of thinking , that they are , as i may say , of another species , than the conceptions of other poets ; yet you go not out of nature for any of them : gold is never bred upon the surface of the ground ; but lies so hidden , and so deep , that the mines of it are seldom found ; but the force of waters casts it out from the bowels of mountains , and exposes it amongst the sands of rivers ; giving us of her bounty , what we cou'd not hope for by our search . this success attends your lordship's thoughts , which wou'd look like chance , if it were not perpetual , and always of the same tenour . if i grant that there is care in it , 't is such a care as wou'd be ineffectual , and fruitless in other men. 't is the cariosa felicitas which petronius ascribes to horace in his odes . we have not wherewithal to imagine so strongly , so justly , and so pleasantly : in short , if we have the same knowledge , we cannot draw out of it the same quintessence ; we cannot give it such a turn , such a propriety , and such a beauty . something is deficient in the manner , or the words , but more in the nobleness of our conception . yet when you have finish'd all , and it appears in its full lustre , when the diamond is not only found , but the roughness smooth'd , when it is cut into a form , and set in gold , then we cannot but acknowledge , that it is the perfect work of art and nature : and every one will be so vain , to think he himself cou'd have perform'd the like , till he attempts it . 't is just the description that horace makes of such a finish'd piece : it appears so easie , vt sibi quivis speret idem , sudet multum , frustraque laboret , ausus idem . and besides all this , 't is your lordships particular talent to lay your thoughts so close together , that were they closer , they wou'd be crouded , and even a due connexion wou'd be wanting . we are not kept in expectation of two good lines , which are to come after a long parenthesis of twenty bad ; which is the april poetry of other writers , a mixture of rain and sun-shine by fits : you are always bright , even almost to a fault , by reason of the excess . there is continual abundance , a magazine of thought , and yet a perpetual variety of entertainment ; which creates such an appetite in your reader , that he is not cloy'd with any thing , but satisfy'd with all . 't is that which the romans call coena dubia ; where there is such plenty , yet withall so much diversity , and so good order , that the choice is difficult betwixt one excellency and another ; and yet the conclusion , by a due climax , is evermore the best ; that is , as a conclusion ought to be , ever the most proper for its place . see , my lord , whether i have not studi'd your lordship with some application : and since you are so modest , that you will not be judge and party , i appeal to the whole world , if i have not drawn your picture to a great degree of likeness , tho' 't is but in meniature : and that some of the best features are yet wanting . yet what i have done is enough to distinguish you from any other , which is the proposition that i took upon me to demonstrate . and now , my lord , to apply what i have said , to my present business ; the satires of iuvenal and persius , appearing in this new english dress , cannot so properly be inscrib'd to any man as to your lordship , who are the first of the age in that way of writing . your lordship , amongst many other favours , has given me your permission for this address ; and you have particularly encourag'd me by your perusal and approbation of the sixth and tenth satires of iuvenal , as i have translated them . my fellow labourers , have likewise commission'd me , to perform in their behalf this office of a dedication to you ; and will acknowledge with all possible respect and gratitude , your acceptance of their work. some of them have the honour to be known to your lordship already ; and they who have not yet that happiness , desire it now . be pleas'd to receive our common endeavours with your wonted candor , without intitleing you to the protection of our common failings , in so difficult an undertakeing . and allow me your patience , if it be not already tir'd with this long epistle , to give you from the best authors , the origine , the antiquity , the growth , the change , and the compleatment of satire among the romans . to describe , if not define , the nature of that poem , with it's several qualifications and virtues , together with the several sorts of it . to compare the excellencies of horace , persius and iuvenal , and shew the particular manners of their satires . and lastly , to give an account of this new way of version which is attempted in our performance . all which , according to the weakness of my ability , and the best lights which i can get from others , shall be the subject of my following discourse . the most perfect work of poetry , says our master aristotle , is tragedy . his reason is , because it is the most united ; being more severely confin'd within the rules of action , time and place . the action is entire of a piece , and one , without episodes : the time limited to a natural day : and the place circumbscrib'd at least within the compass of one town , or city . being exactly proportion'd thus , and uniform in all it's parts , the mind is more capable of comprehending the whole beauty of it without distraction . but after , all these advantages , an heroique poem is certainly the greatest work of human nature . the beauties and perfections of the other are but mechanical ; those of the epique are more noble . tho' homer has limited his place to troy , and the fields about it ; his actions to forty eight natural days , whereof twelve are holy-days , or cessation from business , during the funerals of patroclus . to proceed , the action of the epique is greater : the extention of time enlarges the pleasure of the reader , and the episodes give it more ornament , and more variety . the instruction is equal ; but the first is only instructive , the latter forms a hero , and a prince . if it signifies any thing which of them is of the more ancient family , the best and most absolute heroique poem was written by homer , long before tragedy was invented : but , if we consider the natural endowments , and acquir'd parts which are necessary to make an accomplish'd writer in either kind , tragedy requires a less and more confin'd knowledge : moderate learning , and observation of the rules is sufficient , if a genius be not wanting . but in an epique poet , one who is worthy of that name , besides an universal genius , is requir'd universal learning , together with all those qualities and acquisitions which i have nam'd above , and as many more as i have through haste or negligence omitted . and after all , he must have exactly study'd homer and virgil , as his patterns , aristotle and horace as his guides , and vida and bossu , as their commentators , with many others both italian and french critiques , which i want leisure here to r●commend . in a word , what i have to say , in relation to this subject , which does not particularly concern satire , is , that the greatness of an heroique poem , beyond that of a tragedy , may easily be discover'd by observing , how few have attempted that work , in comparison of those who have written drama's ; and of those few , how small a number have succeeded . but leaving the critiques on either side to contend about the preference due to this or that sort of poetry ; i will hasten to my present business , which is the antiquity and origine of satire , according to those informations which i have receiv'd from the learned casaubon , heinsius , rigaltius , dacier and the dauphin's iuvenal ; to which i shall add some observations of my own . there has been a long dispute amongst the modern critiques , whether the romans deriv'd their satire from the grecians , or first invented it themselves . iulius scaliger and heinsius , are of the first opinion ; casaubon , rigaltius , dacier , and the publisher of the dauphin's iuvenal maintain the latter . if we take satire in the general signification of the word , as it is us'd in all modern languages , for an invective , 't is certain that it is almost as old as verse ; and tho' hymns , which are praises of god , may be allow'd to have been before it , yet the defamation of others was not long after it . after god had curs'd adam and eve in paradise , the husband and wife excus'd themselves , by laying the blame on one another ; and gave a beginning to those conjugal dialogues in prose ; which the poets have perfected in verse . the third chapter of iob is one of the first instances of this poem in holy scripture : unless we will take it higher , from the latter end of the second ; where his wife advises him to curse his maker . this original , i confess , is not much to the honour of satire ; but here it was nature , and that deprav'd : when it became an art , it bore better fruit. only we have learnt thus much already , that scoffs and revilings are of the growth of all nations ; and consequently that neither the greek poets borrow'd from other people their art of railing , neither needed the romans to take it from them . but considering satire as a species of poetry ; here the war begins amongst the criticks . scaliger the father will have it descend from greece to rome ; and derives the word satyre , from satyrus , that mixt kind of animal , or , as the ancients thought him , rural god , made up betwixt a man and a goat ; with a humane head , hook'd nose , powting lips , a bunch , or struma under the chin , prick'd ears , and upright horns ; the body shagg'd with hair , especially from the waste , and ending in a goat , with the legs and feet of that creature . but casaubon , and his followers , with reason , condemn this derivation ; and prove that from satyrus , the word satira , as it signifies a poem , cannot possibly descend . for satira is not properly a substantive , but an adjective ; to which , the word lanx , in english a charger , or large platter , is understood : so that the greek poem made according to the manners of a satyr , and expressing his qualities , must properly be call'd satyrical , and not satire : and thus far 't is allow'd , that the grecians had such poems ; but that they where wholly different in specie , from that to which the romans gave the name of satire . aristotle divides all poetry , in relation to the progress of it , into nature without art : art begun , and art compleated . mankind , even the most barbarous have the seeds of poetry implanted in them . the first specimen of it was certainly shewn in the praises of the deity , and prayers to him : and as they are of natural obligation , so they are likewise of divine institution . which milton observing , introduces adam and eve , every morning adoring god in hymns and prayers . the first poetry was thus begun , in the wild notes of nature , before the invention of feet , and measures . the grecians and romans had no other original of their poetry . festivals and holydays soon succeeded to private worship , and we need not doubt but they were enjoyn'd by the true god to his own people ; as they were afterwards imitated by the heathens ; who by the light of reason knew they were to invoke some superiour being in their necessities , and to thank him for his benefits . thus the grecian holydays were celebrated with offerings to bacchus and ceres , and other deities , to whose bounty they suppos'd they were owing for their corn and wine , and other helps of life . and the ancient romans , as horace tells us , paid their thanks to mother earth , or vesta , to silvanus , and their genius , in the same manner . but as all festivals have a double reason of their institution ; the first of religion , the other of recreation , for the unbending of our minds : so both the grecians and romans agreed , after their sacrifices were perform'd , to spend the remainder of the day in sports and merriments ; amongst which , songs and dances , and that which they call'd wit , ( for want of knowing better , ) were the chiefest entertainments . the grecians had a notion of satyres , whom i have already describ'd ; and taking them , and the sileni , that is the young satyrs and the old , for the tutors , attendants , and humble companions of their bacchus , habited themselves like those rural deities , and imitated them in their rustick dances , to which they join'd songs , with some sort of rude harmony , but without certain numbers ; and to these they added a kind of chorus . the romans also ( as nature is the same in all places ) though they knew nothing of those grecian demi-gods , nor had any communication with greece , yet had certain young men , who at their festivals , danc'd and sung after their uncouth manner , to a certain kind of verse , which they call'd saturnian ; what it was , we have no very certain light from antiquity to discover ; but we may conclude , that , like the grecian , it was void of art , or at least with very feeble beginnings of it . those ancient romans , at these holydays , which were a mixture of devotion and debauchery , had a custom of reproaching each other with their faults , in a sort of extempore poetry , or rather of tunable hobling verse ; and they answer'd in the same kind of gross raillery ; their wit and their musick being of a piece . the grecians , says casaubon , had formerly done the same , in the persons of their petulant satyrs : but i am afraid he mistakes the matter , and confounds the singing and dancing of the satyrs , with the rustical entertainments of the first romans . the reason of my opinion is this ; that casaubon finding little light from antiquity , of these beginnings of poetry , amongst the grecians , but only these representations of satyrs , who carry'd canisters and cornucopias full of several fruits in their hands , and danc'd with them at their publick feasts : and afterwards reading horace , who makes mention of his homely romans , jesting at one another in the same kind of solemnities , might suppose those wanton satyrs did the same . and especially because horace possibly might seem to him , to have shewn the original of all poetry in general , including the grecians , as well as romans : though 't is plainly otherwise , that he only describ'd the beginning , and first rudiments of poetry in his own country . the verses are these , which he cites from the first epistle of the second book , which was written to augustus . agricolae prisci , fortes , parvoque beati , condita post frumenta , levantes tempore festo corpus & ipsum animum spe fini● dura ferentem , cum sociis operum , & pueris , & conjuge fidâ , tellurem porco , silvanum lacte piabant ; floribus & vino genium memorem brevis aevi : fescennina per hunc inventa licentia morem versibus alternis , opprobria rustica fudit . our brawny clowns of old , who turn'd the soyl , content with little , and inur'd to toyl , at harvest home , with mirth and country cheer restor'd their bodies for another year : refresh'd their spirits , and renew'd their hope , of such a future feast , and future crop. then with their fellow-joggers of the ploughs , their little children , and their faithful spouse ; a sow they slew to vesta's deity ; and kindly milk , silvanus , pour'd to thee . with flow'rs , and wine , their genius they ador'd ; a short life , and a merry , was the word . from flowing cups defaming rhymes ensue , and at each other homely taunts they threw . yet since it is a hard conjecture , that so great a man as casaubon shou'd misapply what horace writ concerning ancient rome , to the ceremonies and manners of ancient greece , i will not insist on this opinion , but rather judge in general , that since all poetry had its original from religion , that of the grecians and rome had the same beginning : both were invented at festivals of thanksgiving : and both were prosecuted with mirth and raillery , and rudiments of verses : amongst the greeks , by those who represented satyrs ; and amongst the romans by real clowns . for , indeed , when i am reading casauban , on these two subjects , methinks i hear the same story told twice over with very little alteration . of which dacier takeing notice , in his interpretation of the latine verses which i have translated , says plainly , that the begining of poetry was the same , with a small variety in both countries : and that the mother of it in all nations , was devotion . but what is yet more wonderful , that most learned critique takes notice also , in his illustrations on the first epistle of the second book , that as the poetry of the romans , and that of the grecians , had the same beginning at feasts of thanksgiving , as it has been observ'd ; and the old comedy of the greeks which was invective , and the satire of the romans which was of the same nature , were begun on the very same occasion , so the fortune of both in process of time was just the same ; the old comedy of the grecians was forbidden , for it s too much license in exposing of particular persons , and the rude satire of the romans was also punish'd by a law of the decemviri , as horace tells us , in these words , libertasque recurrentes accepta per annos lusit amabiliter , donec jam saevus apertam in rabiem verti caepit jocus ; & per honestas ire domos impune minax : doluere cruento dente lacessiti ; fuit intactis quoque cura conditione super communi : quinetiam lex , paenaque lata , malo quae nollet carmine quemquam describi , vertere modum formidine fustis ; ad benedicendum delectandumque redacti . the law of the decemviri , was this . siquis occentassit malum carmen , sive condidisit , quod infamiam faxit , flagitiumve alteri , capital esto . a strange likeness , and barely possible : but the critiques being all of the same opinion , it becomes me to be silent , and submit to better judgments than my own . but to return to the grecians , from whose satyrick drama's , the elder scaliger and heinsius , will have the roman satire to proceed , i am to take a view of them first , and see if there be any such descent from them as those authors have pretended . thespis , or whosoever he were that invented tragedy , ( for authors differ ) mingl'd with them a chorus and dances of satyres , which had before been us'd , in the celebration of their festivals ; and there they were ever afterwards retain'd . the character of them was also kept , which was mirth and wantonness : and this was given , i suppose , to the folly of the common audience ▪ who soon grow weary of good sense ; and as we daily see , in our own age and country , are apt to forsake poetry , and still ready to return , to buffoonry and farce . from hence it came , that in the olympique-games , where the poets contended for four prizes , the satyrique tragedy was the last of them : for in the rest , the satyrs were excluded from the chorus . amongst the plays of eurypides , which are yet remaining , there is one of these satyriques , which is call'd the cyclops ; in which we may see the nature of those poems ; and from thence conclude , what likeness they have to the roman satire . the story of this cyclops , whose name was polyphemus , so famous in the grecian fables , was , that vlysses , who with his company was driven on that coast of sicily , where those cyclops inhabited , coming to ask relief from silenus , and the satyres , who were herdsmen to that one-ey'd gyant , was kindly receiv'd by them , and entertain'd ; till being perceiv'd by polyphemus , they were made prisoners , against the rites of hospitality , for which vlysses eloquently pleaded , were afterwards put down into the den , and some of them devour'd : after which , vlysses having made him drunk , when he was asleep , thrust a great firebrand into his eye , and so revenging his dead followers , escap'd with the remaining party of the living : and silenus and the satyrs , were freed from their servitude under polyphemus , and remitted to their first liberty , of attending and accompanying their patron bacchus . this was the subject of the tragedy , which being one of those that end with a happy event , is therefore by aristotle , judg'd below the other sort , whose success is unfortunate . notwithstanding which , the satyrs , who were part of the dramatis personae , as well as the whole chorus , were properly introduc'd into the nature of the poem , which is mix'd of farce and tragedy . the adventure of vlysses was to entertain the judging part of the audience , and the uncouth persons of silenus , and the satyrs , to divert the common people , with their gross railleries . your lordship has perceiv'd , by this time , that this satyrique tragedy , and the roman satire have little resemblance in any of their features . the very kinds are different : for what has a pastoral tragedy to do with a paper of verses satirically written ? the character and raillery of the satyres is the only thing that cou'd pretend to a likeness : were scaliger and heinsius alive to maintain their opinion . and the first farces of the romans , which were the rudiments of their poetry , were written before they had any communication with the greeks ; or , indeed , any knowledge of that people . and here it will be proper to give the definition of the greek satyrique poem from casaubon , before i leave this subject . the satyrique , says he , is a dramatick poem , annex'd to a tragedy ; having a chorus , which consists of satyrs : the persons represented in it , are illustrio●s men : the action of it is great ; the stile is partly serious , and partly jocular ; and the event of the action most commonly is happy . the grecians , besides these satyrique tragedies , had another kind of poem , which they call'd silli ; which were more of kin to the roman satire : those silli were indeed invective poems , but of a different species from the roman poems of ennius , pacuvi●s , lucilius , horace , and the rest of their successors . they were so call'd , says casaubon in one place , from silenus , the foster-father of bacchus ; but in another place , bethinking himself better , he derives their name 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , from their scoffing and petulancy . from some fragments of the silli , written by timon , we may find , that they were satyrique poems , full of parodies ; that is , of verses patch'd up from great poets , and turn'd into another sence than their author intended them . such amongst the romans is the famous cento of ausonius ; where the words are virgil's : but by applying them to another sense , they are made a relation of a wedding-night ; and the act of consummation fulsomly describ'd in the very words of the most modest amongst all poets . of the same manner are our songs , which are turn'd into burlesque ; and the serious words of the author perverted into a ridiculous meaning . thus in timon's silli the words are generally those of homer , and the tragick poets ; but he applies them satyrically , to some customs and kinds of philosophy , which he arraigns . but the romans not using any of these parodies in their satyres ▪ sometimes , indeed , repeating verses of other men , as persius cites some of nero's ; but not turning them into another meaning , the silli cannot be suppos'd to be the original of roman satire . to these silli consisting of parodies , we may properly add , the satires which were written against particular persons ; such as were the lambiques of archil●cus against lycambes , which horace undoubtedly imitated in some of his odes and epodes , whose titles bear sufficient witness of it : i might also name the invective of ovid against ibis ; and many others : but these are the under-wood of satire , rather than the timber-trees : they are not of general extension , as reaching only to some individual person . and horace seems to have purg'd himself from those sple●etick reflections in those odes and epodes , before he undertook the noble work of satires ; which were properly so call'd . thus , my lord , i have at length disengag'd my self from those antiquities of greece ; and have prov'd , i hope , from the best critiques , that the roman satire was not borrow'd from thence , but of their own manufacture : i am now almost gotten into my depth ; at least by the help of dacier , i am swimming towards it . not that i will promise always to follow him , any more than be follows casaubon ; but to keep him in my eye , as my best and truest guide ; and where i think he may possibly mislead me , there to have recourse to my own lights , as i expect that others should do by me . quintilian says , in plain words , satira quidem tota , nostra est : and horace had said the same thing before him , speaking of his predecessor in that sort of poetry , et gra●cis intacti carminis author . nothing can be clearer than the opinion of the poet , and the orator , both the best criticks of the two best ages of the roman empire , than that satire was wholly of latin growth , and not transplanted to rome from athens . yet , as i have said , scaliger , the father , according to his custom , that is , insolently enough , contradict● them both ▪ and gives no better reason , than the derivation of satyrus from 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 salacitas ; and so from the lechery of those fauns , thinks he has sufficiently pro●'d , that satyre is deriv'd from them . as if wantonness and lubrici●y , were essential to that sort of poem , which ought to be avoided in it . his other allegation , which i have already mention'd , is as pitiful : that the satyres carried platters and canisters full of fruit , in their 〈◊〉 . if they had enter'd empty-handed , had they been ever the less satyres ? or were the fruits and flowers , which they offer'd , any thing of kin to satyre ? or any argument that this poem was originally gr●cian ▪ causaubon judg'd better , and his opinion is grounded on sure authority ; that satyre was deriv'd from satura ▪ a roman word , which signifies full , and abundant ; and full also of variety , in which nothing is w●nting to its due perfection . 't is thus , says dacier , that we lay a full colour , when the wool has taken the whole tincture , and 〈◊〉 in as much of the dye as it can receive . according to this derivation , from sa●● comes satura , or satira : according to the n●w spelling ; as 〈◊〉 and max●mus are now spell'd optimus and 〈◊〉 . satura ▪ as i hav● formerly noted , is an adjective , and relates to the word lanx ▪ which is understood . and this lanx , in english a charger , or large platter , was yearly fill'd with all sorts of fruits , which were offer'd to the gods at their festivals , as the premices , or first gatherings . these offerings of several sorts thus mingl'd , 't is true , were not unknown to the grecians , who call'd them 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , a sacrifice of all sorts of fruits ; and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , when they offer'd all kinds of grain . virgil has mention'd these sacrifices in his georgiques . lancibus & pandis , fumantia reddimus exta : and in another place , lancesque & liba feremus . that is , we offer the smoaking entrails in great platters ; and we will offer the chargers , and the cakes . this word satura has been afterward apply'd to many other sorts of mixtures ; as festus calls it a kind of olla , or hotch-potch , made of several sorts of meats . laws were also call'd leges saturae ; when they were of several heads and titles ; like our tack'd bills of parliament . and per saturam legem ferre , in the roman senate , was to carry a law without telling the senatours , or counting voices when they were in haste . salust uses the word per saturam sententias exquirere ; when the majority was visibly on one side . from hence it might probably be conjectur'd , that the discourses or satyres of ennius , l●cilius , and horace , as we now call them , took their name ; because they are full of various matters , and are also written on various subjects , as porphyrius says . but dacier affirms , that it is not immediately from thence that these satyres are so call'd : for that name had been us'd formerly for other things , which bore a nearer resemblance to those discourses of horace . in explaining of which , ( continues dacier ) a method is to be pursu'd , of which casaubon himself has never thought , and which will put all things into so clear a light , that no farther room will be left for the least dispute . during the space of almost four hundred years , since the building of their city , the romans had never known any entertainments of the stage : chance and jollity first found out those verses which they call'd saturnian , and fescennine : or rather humane nature , which is inclin'd to poetry , first produc'd them , rude and barbarous , and unpolish'd , as all other operations of the soul are in their beginnings , before they are cultivated with art and study . however , in occasions of merriment they were first practis'd ; and this rough-cast unhewn poetry , was instead of stage-plays for the space of an hundred and twenty years together . they were made extempore , and were , as the french call them , impromptus : for which the tars●ans of old were much renown'd ; and we see the daily examples of them in the italian farces of harlequin , and scaramucha . such was the poetry of that salvage people , before it was tu●'d into numbers , and the harmony of verse . little of the saturnian verses is now remaining ; we only know from authors , that they were nearer prose than poetry , without feet , or measure . they were 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , but not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 : perhaps they might be us'd in the solemn part of their ceremonies , and the fescennine , which were invented after them , in their afternoons debauchery , because they were scoffing , and obscence . the fescennine and saturnian were the same ; for as they were call'd saturnian from their ancientness , when saturn reign'd in italy ; they were also call'd fescennine , from fescenina , a town in the same country , where they were first practis'd . the actors with a gross and rustick kind of ●aillery , reproach'd each other with their failings ; and at the same time were nothing sparing of it to their audience . somewhat of this custom was afterwards retain'd in their saturnalia , or feasts of saturn , celebrated in december ; at least all kind of freedom in speech was then allow'd to slaves , even against their masters ; and we are not without some imitation of it in our christmas gambols . souldiers also us'd those fescennine verses , after measure and numbers had been added to them , at the triumph of their generals : of which we have an example , in the triumph of iulius caesar over gaul , in these expressions . caesar gallias subegit , nicomedes caesarem : ecce caesar nunc triumphat , qui subegit gallias ; nicomedes non triumphat , qui subegit caesarem . the vapours of wine made those first satyrical poets amongst the romans ; which , says dacier , we cannot better represent , than by imagining a company of clowns on a holyday , dancing lubberly , and upbraiding one another in extempore doggrel , with their defects and vices , and the stories that were told of them in bake-houses , and barbers shops . when they began to be somewhat better bred , and were entring , as i may say , into the first rudiments of civil conversation , they left these hedge notes , for another sort of poem , somewhat polish'd , which was also full of pleasant raillery , but without any mixture of obscenity . this sort of poetry appear'd under the name of satire , because of its variety : and this satire was adorn'd with compositions of musick , and with dances : but lascivious postures were banish'd from it . in the tuscan language , says livy , the word hister signifies a player : and therefore those actors , which were first brought from etruria to rome , on occasion of a pestilence ; when the romans were admonish'd to avert the anger of the gods by plays , in the year ab vrbe condita , cccxc . those actors , i say , were therefore call'd histriones : and that name has since remain'd , not only to actors roman born , but to all others of every nation . they play'd not the former extempore stuff of fescennine verses , or clownish jests ; but what they acted , was a kind of civil cleanly farce , with musick and dances , and motions that were proper to the subject . in this condition livius andronicus found the stage , when he attempted first , instead of farces , to supply it with a nobler entertainment of tragedies and comedies . this man was a grecian born , and being made a slave by livius salinator , and brought to rome , had the education of his patron 's children committed to him . which trust he discharg'd , so much to the satisfaction of his master , that he gave him his liberty . andronicus thus become a freeman of rome , added to his own name that of livius his master ; and , as i observ'd , was the first author of a regular play in that commonwealth . being already instructed in his native country , in the manners and decencies of the athenian theater , and conversant in the archaea comaedia , or old comedy of aristophanes , and the rest of the grecian poets ; he took from that model his own designing of plays for the roman stage . the first of which was represented in the year . since the building of rome , as tully , from the commentaries of atticus , has assur'd us ; it was after the end of the first punick war , the year before ennius was born . dacier has not carry'd the matter altogether thus far ; he only says , that one livius andronicus was the first stage-poet at rome : but i will adventure on this hint , to advance another proposition , which i hope the learned will approve . and though we have not any thing of andronicus remaining to justifie my conjecture , yet 't is exceeding probable , that having read the works of those grecian wits , his countrymen , he imitated not only the ground-work , but also the manner of their writing . and how grave soever his tragedies might be , yet in his comedies he express'd the way of aristophanes , eupolis , and the rest , which was to call some persons by their own names , and to expose their defects to the laughter of the people . the examples of which we have in the foremention'd aristophanes , who turn'd the wise socrates into ridicule ; and is also very free with the management of cleon , alcibiades , and other ministers of the athenian government . now if this be granted , we may easily suppose , that the first hint of satirical plays on the roman stage , was given by the greeks . not from their satyrica , for that has been reasonably exploded in the former part of this discourse : but from their old comedy , which was imitated first by livius andronicus . and then quintilian and horace must be cautiously interpreted , where they affirm , that satire is wholly roman ; and a sort of verse , which was not touch'd on by the grecians . the reconcilement of my opinion to the standard of their judgment , is not however very difficult , since they spoke of satire , not as in its first elements , but as it was form'd into a separate work ; begun by ennius , pursu'd by lucilius , and compleated afterwards by horace . the proof depends only on this postulatum , that the comedies of andronicus , which were imitations of the greek , were also imitations of their railleries , and reflections on particular persons . for if this be granted me , which is a most probable supposition , 't is easie to infer , that the first light which was given to the roman theatrical satire , was from the plays of livius andronicus . which will be more manifestly discover'd , when i come to speak of ennius : in the mean time i will return to dacier . the people , says he , ran in crowds to these new entertainments of andronicus , as to pieces which were more noble in their kind , and more perfect than their former satires , which for some time they neglected and abandon'd . but not long after , they took them up again , and then they joyn'd them to their comedies : playing them at the end of every drama ; as the french continue at this day to act their farces ; in the nature of a separate entertainment , from their tragedies . but more particularly they were joyn'd to the atellane fables , says casaubon ; which were plays invented by the osci . those fables , says valerius maximus , out of livy , were temper'd with the italian severity , and free from any note of infamy , or obsceneness ; and as an old commentator on iuvenal affirms , the exodiarii , which were singers and dancers , enter'd to entertain the people with light songs , and mimical gestures , that they might not go away oppress'd with melancholly , from those serious pieces of the theater . so that the ancient satire of the romans was in extemporary reproaches : the next was farce , which was brought from tuscany : to that succeeded the plays of andronicus , from the old comedy of the grecians : and out of all these , sprung two several branches of new roman satire ; like different cyens from the same root . which i shall prove with as much brevity as the subject will allow . a year after andronicus had open'd the roman stage , with his new drama's , ennius was born : who , when he was grown to mans estate , haveing seriously consider'd the genius of the people , and how eagerly they follow'd the first satires , thought it wou'd be worth his pains , to refine upon the project , and to write satires not to be acted on the theater , but read. he preserv'd the ground-work of their pleasantry , their venom , and their raillery on particular persons , and general vices : and by this means , avoiding the danger of any ill success , in a publick representation , he hop'd to be as well receiv'd in the cabinet , as andronicus had been upon the stage . the event was answerable to his expectation . he made discourses in several sorts of verse , vari'd often in the same paper ; retaining still in the title , their original name of satire . both in relation to the subjects and the variety of matters contain'd in them , the satires of horace are entirely like them ; only ennius , as i said , con●ines not himself to one sort of verse , as horace does ; but takeing example from the greeks , and even from homer himself , in his margites , which is a kind of satire , as scaliger observes , gives himself the license , when one sort of numbers comes not easily , to run into another , as his fancy dictates . for he makes no difficulty , to mingle hexameters with ●ambique trimeters ; or with trochaique tetrameters ; as appears by those fragments which are yet remaining of him : horace has thought him worthy to be copy'd ; inserting many things of his into his own satires , as virgil has done into his aeneids . here we have dacier making out that ennius was the first satyrist in that way of writing , which was of his invention ; that is , satire abstracted from the stage , and new modell'd into papers of verses , on several subjects . but he will have ennius take the ground-work of satire from the first farces of the romans ; rather than from the form'd plays of livius andronicus , which were copy'd from the grecian comedies . it may possibly be so ; but dacier knows no more of it than i do . and it seems to me the more probable opinion , that he rather imitated the ●ine railleries of the greeks , which he saw in the pieces of andronicus , than the coursness of his old country men , in their clownish extemporary way of jee●ing . but besides this , 't is universally granted , that ennius though an italian , was excellently learn'd in the greek language . his verses were stuff'd with fragments of it , even to a fault : and he himself believ'd , according to the pith●gor●●● opinion , that the soul of homer was transfus'd into him : which persius observes , in his sixth satire : postquam destertuit esse m●o●ides . but this being only the private opinion of so inconsiderable a man as i am , i leave it to the farther disquisition of the critiques , if they think it worth their notice . most e●ident it is , that whether he imitated the roman farce , or the greek co●●●dies , he is to be acknowledg'd for the first author of roman satire ; as it is properly so call'd ; and distinguish'd from any sort of stage-play . of pac●vi●s , who succeeded him , there is little to be said , because there is so little remaining of him : only that ●e is taken to be the nephew of ennius , his sisters son ; that in probability he was instructed by his uncle , in his way of sati●● , which we are told he had copy'd ; but what advances he made we know not . lucilius came into the world , when pacuvius flourish'd most ; he also made satires after the manner of ennius , but he gave them a more gra●eful turn ; and endeavour'd to imitate more closely the vetu● comaedia of the greeks : of the which the old original roman satire had no idea , till the time of livius andronicus . and though horace seems to have made luciliu● the first author of satire in verse , amongst the romans ; in these words , quid cum est lucilius ausus primus in hun● operis componere carmina morem : he is only thus to be understood , that lucilius had given a more graceful turn to the satire of ennius and pacuvius ; not that he invented a new satire of his own : and quintilian seems to explain this passage of horace in these words ; satira quidem tota nostra est , in qua primus insignem laudem adeptus est lucilius . thus , both horace and quintilian , give a kind of primacy of honour to lucilius , amongst the latin satirists . for as the roman language grew more refin'd , so much more capable it was of receiving the grecian beauties in his time : horace and quintilian cou'd mean no more , than that lucilius writ better than ennius and pacuvius : and on the same account we prefer horace to lucilius : both of them imitated the old greek comedy ; and so did ennius and pacuvius before them . the polishing of the latin tongue , in the succession of times , made the only difference . and horace himself , in two of his satires , written purposely on this subject , thinks the romans of his age , were too partial in their commendations of lucilius ; who writ not only loosely , and muddily , with little art , and much less care , but also in a time when the latin tongue was not yet sufficiently purg'd from the dregs of barbarism ; and many significant and sounding words , which the romans wanted , were not admitted even in the times of lucretius and cicero ; of which both complain . but to proceed , dacier justly taxes casaubon , for saying . that the satires of lucilius were wholly different in specie , from those of ennius and pacuvius . casaubon was led into that mistake , by diomedes the grammarian , who in effect says this . satire amongst the romans , but not amongst the greeks , was a biteing invective poem , made after the model of the ancient comedy ; for the reprehension of vices : such as were the poems of lucilius , of horace , and of persius . but in former times , the name of satire was given to poems , which were compos'd of several sorts of verses ; such as were made by ennius , and pacuvius ; more fully expressing the etymology of the word satire , from satura , which we have observ'd . here 't is manifest , that diomedes makes a specifical distinction betwixt the satires of ennius , and those of lucilius . but this , as we say in english , is only a distinction without a difference ; for the reason of it , is ridiculous , and absolutely false . this was that which cozen'd honest casaubon , who relying on diomedes , had not sufficiently examin'd the origine and nature of those two satires ; which were entirely the same , both in the matter and the form. for all that lucilius perform'd beyond his predecessors , ennius and pacuvius , was only the adding of more politeness , and more salt ; without any change in the substance of the poem : and tho' lucilius put not together in the same satire several sorts of verses , as ennius did ; yet he compos'd several satires , of several sorts of verses ; and mingl'd them with greek verses : one poem consisted only of hexameters ; and another was entirely of lambiques ; a third of trochaiques ; as is visible by the fragments yet remaining of his works . in short , if the satires of lucilius are therefore said to be wholly different from those of ennius because he added much more of beauty and polishing to his own ' poems , than are to be found in those before him ; it will follow from hence , that the satires of horace are wholly different from those of lucilius , because horace has not less surpass'd lucilius in the elegancy of his writing , than lucilius surpass'd ennius in the turn and ornament of his . this passage of diomedes has also drawn do●sa , the son , into the same error of casaubon , which , i say , not to expose the little failings of those judicious men , but only to make it appear , with how much diffidence and caution we are to read their works ; when they treat a subject of so much obscurity , and so very ancient , as is this of satire . having thus brought down the history of satire from its original , to the times of horace , and shewn the several changes of it . i shou'd here discover some of those graces which horace added to it , but that i think it will be more proper to defer that undertaking , till i make the comparison betwixt him and iuvenal . in the mean while , following the order of time , it will be necessary to say somewhat of another kind of satire , which also was descended from the ancient : 't is that which we call the varronian satire , but which varro himself calls the menippean ; because varro , the most learn'd of the romans , was the first author of it , who imitated , in his works , the manners of menippus the gadarenian , who profess'd the philosophy of the cyniques . this sort of satire was not only compos'd of several sorts of verse , like those of ennius , but was also mix'd with prose ; and greek was sprinkl'd amongst the latin. quintilian , after he had spoken of the satire of lucilius , adds what follows . there is another and former kind of satire , compos'd by terentius varro , the most learn'd of the romans : in which he was not satisfy'd alone , with mingling in it several sorts of verse . the only difficulty of this passage , is , that quintilian tells us , that this satire of varro was of a former kind . for how can we possibly imagine this to be , since varro , who was contemporary to cicero , must consequently be after lucilius ? but quintilian meant not , that the satire of varro was in order of time before lucilius ; he wou'd only give us to understand , that the varronian satire , with mixture of several sorts of verses , was more after the manner of ennius and pacuvius , than that of lucilius , who was more severe , and more correct ; and gave himself less liberty in the mixture of his verses , in the same poem . we have nothing remaining of those varronian satires , excepting some inconsiderable fragments ; and those for the most part much corrupted . the titles of many of them are indeed preserv'd , and they are generally double : from whence , at least , we may understand , how many various subjects were treated by that author . tully , in his academicks , introduces varro himself giving us some light concerning the scope and design of these works . wherein , after he had shewn his reasons why he did not ex professo write of philosophy , he adds what follows . notwithstanding , says he , that those pieces of mine , wherein i have imitated menippus , though i have not translated him , are sprinkled with a kind of mirth , and gayety : yet many things are there inserted , which are drawn from the very intrails of philosophy , and many things severely argu'd : which i have mingl'd with pleasantries on purpose , that they may more easily go down with the common sort of unlearn'd readers . the rest of the sentence is so lame , that we can only make thus much out of it ; that in the composition of his satires , he so temper'd philology with philosophy , that his work was a mixture of them both . and tully himself confirms us in this opinion ; when a little after he addresses himself to varro in these words . and you your self have compos'd a most elegant and compleat poem ; you have begun philosophy in many places : sufficient to incite us , though too little to instruct us . thus it appears , that varro was one of those writers whom they call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , studious of laughter ; and that , as learned as he was , his business was more to divert his reader , than to teach him . and he entitled his own satires menippean : not that menippus had written any satires , ( for his were either dialogues or epistles ) but that varro imitated his style , his manner , and his facetiousness . all that we know farther of menippus , and his writings , which are wholly lost ; is , that by some he is esteem'd , as , amongst the rest , by varro : by others he is noted of cynical impudence , and obsc●nity : that he was much given to those parodies , which i have already mention'd ; that is , he often quoted the verses of homer and the tragick poets , and turn'd their serious meaning into something that was ridiculous ; whereas varro's satires are by tully call'd absolute , and most elegant , and various poems . lucian , who was emulous of this menippus , seems to have imitated both his manners and his style in many of his dialogues ; where menippus himself is often introduc'd as a speaker in them , and as a perpetual b●assoon : particularly his character is express'd in the ●●ginning of that dialogue which is call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . but varro , in imitating him , avoids his impudence and ●ilthine●s , and only expresses his witty pleasantry . this we may believe for certain , that as his subjects were various , so most of them were tales or stories of his own invention . which is also manifest from antiquity , by those authors who are acknowledg'd to have written varro●ian satires , in imitation of his : of whom the chief is pe●ronius arbiter , whose satire , they say , is now printing in ●olland , wholly recover'd , and made compleat : when 't is made publick , it will easily be seen by any one sentence , whether it be supposititious , or genuine . many of l●cian's dialogues may also properly be call'd varronian satires ; particularly his true history : and consequently the g●lde● ass of apuleius , which is taken from him . of the same stamp is the mock deification of claudius , by se●eca : and the symposium or caesars of iulian the emperour . amongst the moderns we may reckon the eucomium moriae of erasmus , barclay's euphormi● , and a volume of german authors , which my ingenious friend mr. charles killigrew once lent me . in the english i remember none , which are mix'd with prose , as varro's were : but of the same kind is mother hubbard's tale in spencer ; and ( if it be not too vain , to mention any thing of my own ) the poems of abs●lo● , and mac fleckno . this is what i have to say in general of satire : only as dacier has observ'd before me , we may take notice , that the word satire is of a more general signification in latin , than in french , or english. for amongst the romans it was not only us'd for those discourses which decry'd vice , or expos'd folly ; but for others also , where virtue was recommended . but in our modern languages we apply it only to invective poems , where the very name of satire is formidable to those persons ▪ who wou'd appear to the world , what they are not in themselves . for in english , to say satire , is to mean reflection , as we use that word in the worst sense ; or as the french call it , more properly , medisance . in the criticism of spelling , it ought to be with i and not with y ; to distinguish its true derivation from sat●ra , not from satyrus . and if this be so , then 't is false spell'd throughout this book : for here 't is written satyr . which having not consider'd at the first , i thought it not worth correcting afterwards . but the french are more nice , and never spell it any other ways than satire . i am now arriv'd at the most difficult part of my undertaking , which is , to compare horace with iuvenal and persius : 't is observ'd by rigaltius , in his preface before iuvenal , written to thuanus , that these three poets have all their particular partisans , and favourers : every commentator , as he has taken pains with any of them , thinks himself oblig'd to perfer his author to the other two : to find out their failings , and decry them , that he may make room for his own darling . such is the partiality of mankind , to set up that interest which they have once espous'd , though it be to the prejudice of truth , morality , and common justice . and especially in the productions of the brain . as authors generally think themselves the best poets , because they cannot go out of themselves , to judge sincerely of their betters : so it is with critiques , who , having first taken a liking to one of these poets , proceed to comment on him , and to illustrate him ; after which they fall in love with their own labours , to that degree of blind fondness , that at length they defend and exalt their author , not so much for his sake as for their own . 't is a folly of the same nature , with that of the romans themselves , in their games of the circus ; the spectators were divided in their factions , betwixt the veneti and the prasini : some were for the charioteer in blue , and some for him in green. the colours themselves were but a fancy ; but when once a man had taken pains to set out those of his party , and had been at the trouble of procuring voices for them , the case was alter'd : he was concern'd for his own labour : and that so earnestly , that disputes and quarrels , animosities , commotions , and bloodshed , often happen'd : and in the declension of the grecian empire , ●the very soveraigns themselves ingag'd in it , even when the barbarians were at their doors ; and stickled for the pre●erence of colours , when the safety of their people was in question . i am now , my self , on the brink of the same precipice ; i have spent some time on the translation of iuvenal , and persius : and it behoves me to be wary , lest , for that reason , i shou'd be partial to them , or take a prejudice against horace . yet , on the other side , i woul'd not be like some of our judges , who wou'd give the cause for a poor man , right or wrong : for though that be an errour on the better hand , yet it is still a partiality : and a rich man , unhear'd , cannot be concluded an oppressor . i remember a saying of k. charles the second , on sir matthew hales , ( who was doubtless an uncorrupt and upright man ) that his servants were sure to be cast on any trial , which was heard before him : not that he thought the judge was possibly to be brib'd ; but that his integrity might be too scrupulous : and that the causes of the crown were always suspicious , when the priviledges of subjects were concern'd . it had been much fairer , if the modern critiques , who have imbark'd in the quarrels of their favourite authors , had rather given to each his proper due ; without taking from another's heap , to raise their own . there is praise enough for each of them in particular , without encroaching on his fellows , and detracting from them , or enriching themselves with the spoils of others . but to come to particulars : heinsius and dacier , are the most principal of those , who raise horace above iuvenal and persius . scaliger the father , rigaltius , and many others , debase horace , that they may set up iuvenal : and casaubon , who is almost single , throws dirt on iuvenal and horace , that he may exalt persius , whom he understood particularly well , and better than any of his former commentators ; even stelluti who succeeded him . i will begin with him , who in my opinion defends the weakest cause , which is that of persius ; and labouring , as tacitus professes of his own writing , to divest my self of partiality , or prejudice , consider persius , not as a poet , whom i have wholly translated , and who has cost me more labour and time , than iuvenal ; but according to what i judge to be his own merit ; which i think not equal in the main , to that of iuvenal or horace ; and yet in some things to be preferr'd to both of them . first , then , for the verse , neither casaubon himself , nor any for him , can defend either his numbers , or the purity of his latin. casaubon gives this point for lost ; and pretends not to justifie either the measures , or the words of persius : he is evidently beneath horace and iuvenal , in both . then , as his verse is scabrous , and hobbling , and his words not every where well chosen , the purity of latin being more corrupted , than in the time of iuvenal , and consequently of horace , who writ when the language was in the heighth of its perfection ; so his diction is hard ; his figures are generally too bold and daring ; and his tropes , particularly his metaphors , insufferably strain'd . in the third place , notwithstanding all the diligence of casaubon , stelluti , and a scotch gentleman ( whom i have hear'd extreamly commended for his illustrations of him : ) yet he is still obscure : whether he affected not to be understood , but with difficulty ; or whether the fear of his safety under nero , compell'd him to this darkness in some places ; or that it was occasion'd by his close way of thinking , and the brevity of his style , and crowding of his figures ; or lastly , whether after so long a time , many of his words have been corrupted , and many customs , and stories relating to them , lost to us ; whether some of these reasons , or all , concurr'd to render him so cloudy ; we may be bold to affirm , that the best of commentators can but guess at his meaning , in many passages : and none can be certain that he has divin'd rightly . after all , he was a young man , like his friend and contemporary lucan : both of them men of extraordinary parts , and great acquir'd knowledge , considering their youth . but neither of them had arriv'd to that maturity of judgment , which is necessary to the accomplishing of a form'd poet. and this consideration , as on the one hand it lays some imperfections to their charge , so on the other side 't is a candid excuse for those failings , which are incident to youth and inexperience ; and we have more reason to wonder , how they , who dyed before th● thirtieth year of their age , cou'd write so well , and think so strongly ; than to accuse them of those faults , from which humane nature , and more especially in youth , can never possibly be exempted . to consider persius yet more closely : he rather insulted over vice and folly , than expos'd them , like i●venal and horace . and as chaste , and modest as he is esteem'd , it cannot be deny'd , but that in some places , he is broad and fulsom , as the latter verses of the fourth satire , and of the sixth , sufficiently witness . and 't is to be believ'd , that he who commits the same crime often , and without necessity , cannot but do it with some kind of pleasure . to come to a conclusion , he is manifestly below horace ; because ●e borrows most of his greatest beauties from him : and casaubon is so far from denying this ; that he has written a treatise purposely concerning it ; wherein he shews a multitude of his translations from horace , and his imitations of him , for the credit of his author ; which he calls imitatio horatiana . to these defects , which i casually observ'd , while i was translating this author , scaliger had added others : he calls him , in plain terms , a silly writer , and a trifler ; full of ostentation of his learning ; and after all , unworthy to come into competition with iuvenal and horace . after such terrible accusations , 't is time to hear what his patron casaubon can alledge in his defence . instead of answering , he excuses for the most part ; and when he cannot , accuses others of the same crimes . he deals with scaliger , as a modest scholar with a master . he compliments him with so much reverence , that one wou'd swear he fear'd him as much at least as he respected him . scaliger will not allow persius to have any wit : casaubon interprets this in the mildest sense ; and confesses his author was not good at turning things into a pleasant ridicule ; or in other words , that he was not a laughable writer . that he was ineptus , indeed , but that was , non aptissimus ad jocandum . but that he was ostentatious of his learning , that , by scaliger's good favour , he denies . persius shew'd his learning , but was no boaster of it ; he did ostendere , but not ostentare ; and so , he says , did scaliger : where , methinks , casaubon turns it handsomly , upon that supercilious critick , and silently insinuates , that he himself was sufficiently vain-glorious ; and a boaster of his own knowledge . all the writings of this venerable censor , continues casaubon , which are 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , more golden , than gold it self , are every where smelling of that thyme , which , like a bee , he has gather'd from ancient authors : but far be ostentation and vain-glory from a gentleman , so well born , and so nobly educated as scaliger : but , says scaliger , he is so obscure , that he has got himself the name of scotinus , a dark writer . now , says casaubon , 't is a wonder to me , that any thing cou'd be obscure to the divine wit of scaliger ; from which nothing cou'd be hidden . this is indeed a strong compliment , but no defence . and casaubon , who cou'd not but be sensible of his author 's blind side , thinks it time to abandon a post that was untenable . he acknowledges that persius is obscure in some places ; but so is plato , so is thucydides ; so are pindar , theocritus , and aristophanes amongst the greek poets ; and even horace and iuvenal , he might have added , amongst the romans . the truth is , persius is not sometimes , but generally obscure : and therefore casaubon , at last , is forc'd to excuse him , by alledging that it was se defende●do , for fear of nero ; and that he was commanded to write so cloudily by cornutus , in virtue of holy obedience to his master . i cannot help my own opinion ; i think cornutus needed not to have read many lectures to him on that subject . persius was an apt scholar ; and when he was bidden to be obscure , in some places , where his life and safety were in question , took the same counsel for all his book ; and never afterwards wrote ten lines together clearly . casaubon , being upon this chapter , has not fail'd , we may be sure , of making a compliment to his own dear comment . if persiu● , says he , be in himself obscure , yet my interpretation has made him intelligible . there is no question , but he deserves that praise , which he has given to himself : but the nature of the thing , as lucretius says , will not admit of a perfect explanation . besides many examples which i cou'd urge ; the very last verse of his last satire , upon which he particularly values himselfe in his preface , is not yet sufficiently explicated . 't is true , holiday has endeavour'd to justifie his construction ; but stelluti is against it : and , for my part , i can have but a very dark notion of it . as for the chastity of his thoughts , casaubon denies not , but that one particular passage , in the fourth satire , at , si unctus cesses , &c. is not only the most obscure , but the most obscene of all his works : i understood it ; but for that reason turn'd it over . in defence of his boistrous metaphors , he quotes longinus , who accounts them as instruments of the sublime : fit to move and stir up the affections , particularly in narration . to which it may be reply'd , that where the trope is far fetch'd , and hard , 't is fit for nothing but to puzzle the understanding : and may be reckon'd amongst those things of demosthenes , which aeschines , call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 not 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , that is prodigies , not words . it must be granted to casaubon , that the knowledge of many things is lost in our modern ages , which were of familiar notice to the ancients : and that satire is a poem of a difficult nature in it self , and is not written to vulgar readers . and through the relation which it has to comedy , the frequent change of persons , makes the sense perplex'd ; when we can but divine , who it is that speaks : whether persius himself , or his friend and monitor ; or , in some places , a third person . but casaubon comes back always to himself , and concludes , that if persius had not been obscure , there had been no need of him for an interpreter . yet when he had once enjoyn'd himself so hard a task , he then consider'd the greek proverb , that he must 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ; either eat the whole snail , or let it quite alone ; and so , he went through with his laborious task , as i have done with my difficult translation . thus far , my lord , you see it has gone very hard with persius : i think he cannot be allow'd to stand in competition , either with iuvenal or horace . yet , for once , i will venture to be so vain , as to affirm , that none of his hard metaphors , or forc'd expressions , are in my translation : but more of this in its proper place , where i shall say somewhat in particular , of our general performance , in making these two authors english. in the mean time i think my self oblig'd , to give persius his undoubted due ; and to acquaint the world , with casaubon , in what he has equall'd , and in what excell'd his two competitors . a man who is resolv'd to praise an author , with any appearance of justice , must be sure to take him on the strongest side ; and where he is least liable to exceptions . he is therefore oblig'd to chuse his mediums accordingly : casaubon , who saw that persius cou'd not laugh with a becomeing grace , that he was not made for jeasting , and that a merry conceit was not his talent , turn'd his feather , like an indian , to another light , that he might give it the better gloss. moral doctrine , says he , and urbanity , or well-manner'd wit , are the two things which constitute the roman satire . but of the two , that which is most essential to this poem , and is as it were the very soul which animates it , is the scourging of vice , and exhortation to virtue . thus wit , for a good reason , is already almost out of doors : and allow'd only for an instrument , a kind of tool , or a weapon , as he calls it , of which the satyrist makes use , in the compassing of his design . the end and aim of our three rivals , is consequently the same . but by what methods they have prosecuted their intention , is farther to be consider'd . satire is of the nature of moral philosophy ; as being instructive : he therefore , who instructs most usefully , will carry the palm from his two antagonists . the philosophy in which persius was educated , and which he professes through his whole book , is the stoick : the most noble , most generous , most beneficial to humane kind , amongst all the sects , who have given us the rules of ethiques , thereby to form a severe virtue in the soul ; to raise in us an undaunted courage , against the assaults of fortune ; to esteem as nothing the things that are without us , because they are not in our power ; not to value riches , beauty , honours , fame , or health , any farther than as conveniences , and so many helps to living as we ought , and doing good in our generation . in short , to be always happy , while we possess our minds , with a good conscience , are free from the slavery of vices , and conform our actions and conversation to the rules of right reason . see here , my lord , an epitome of epictetus ; the doctrine of zeno , and the education of our persius . and this he express'd , not only in all his satires , but in the manner of his life . i will not lessen this commendation of the stoick philosophy , by giving you an account of some absurdities in their doctrine , and some perhaps impieties , if we consider them by the standard of christian faith : persius has ●aln into none of them : and therefore is free from those imputations . what he teaches , might be taught from pulpits , with more profit to the audience , than all the nice speculations of divinity , and controversies concerning faith ; which are more for the profit of the shepherd , than for the edification of the flock . passion , interest , ambition , and all their bloody consequences of discord and of war , are banish'd from this doctrine . here is nothing propos'd but the quiet and tranquility of mind ; virtue lodg'd at home , and afterwards diffus'd in her general effects , to the improvement , and good of humane kind . and therefore i wonder not , that the present bishop of salisbury , has recommended this our author , and the tenth satyr of iuvenal , in his pastoral letter , to the serious perusal and practice of the divines in his diocese , as the best common places for their sermons , as the store-houses and magazines of moral virtues , from whence they may draw out , as they have occasion , all manner of assistance , for the accomplishment of a virtuous life , which the stoicks have assign'd for the great end and perfection of mankind . hererin , then it is , that persius has excell'd both iuvenal and horace . he sticks to his one philosophy : he shifts not sides , like horace , who is sometimes an epicuraean , sometimes a stoick , sometimes an eclectick ; as his present humour leads him : nor declaims like iuvenal against vices , more like an orator , than a philosopher . persius is every where the same : true to the dogma's of his master : what he has learnt , he teaches vehemently ; and what he teaches , that he practices himself . there is a spirit of sincerity in all he says : you may easily discern that he is in earnest , and is perswaded of that truth which he inculcates . in this i am of opinion , that he excels horace , who is commonly in jeast , and laughs while he instructs : and is equal to iuvenal , who was as honest and serious as persius , and more he cou'd not be . hitherto i have follow'd casaubon , and enlarg'd upon him ; because i am satisfi'd that he says no more than truth ; the rest is almost all frivolous . for he says that horace being the son of a tax-gatherer , or a collector , as we call it , smells every where of the meanness of his birth , and education : his conceipts are vulgar , like the subjects of his satires ; that he does plebeium sapere ; and writes not with that elevation , which becomes a satyrist : that persius being nobly born , and of an opulent family , had likewise the advantage of a better master ; cornutus being the most learned of his time , a man of a most holy life ; the chief of the stoick sect at rome ; and not only a great philosopher , but a poet himself ; and in probability a coadjutor of persius . that , as for iuvenal , he was long a declaimer , came late to poetry ; and had not been much conversant in philosophy . 't is granted that the father of horace was libertinus , that is one degree remov'd from his grandfather , who had been once a slave : but horace , speaking of him , gives him the best character of a father , which i ever read in history : and i wish a witty friend of mine now living had such another . he bred him in the best school , and with the best company of young noblemen . and horace , by his gratitude to his memory , gives a certain testimony that his education was ingenuous . after this , he form'd himself abroad , by the conversation of great men. brutus found him at athens , and was so pleas'd with him , that he took him thence into the army , and made him tribunus militum , a colonel in a legion , which was the preferment of an old souldier . all this was before his acquaintance with mecenas , and his introduction into the court of augustus , and the familiarity of that great emperour : which , had he not been well-bred before , had been enough to civilise his conversation , and render him accomplish'd , and knowing in all the arts of complacency and good behaviour ; and , in short , an agreeable companion for the retir'd hours and privacies of a favourite , who was first minister . so that , upon the whole matter , persius may be acknowledg'd to be equal with him , in those respects , tho' better born , and iuvenal inferiour to both . if the advantage be any where , 't is on the side of horace ; as much as the court of augustus caesar , was superiour to that of nero. as for the subjects which they treated , it will appear hereafter , that horace writ not vulgarly on vulgar subjects : nor always chose them . his stile is constantly accommodated to his subject , either high or low : if his fault be too much lowness , that of persius is the fault of the hardness of his metaphors , and obscurity : and so they are equal in the failings of their stile ; where iuvenal manefestly triumphs over both of them . the comparison betwixt horace and iuvenal is more difficult ; because their forces were more equal : a dispute has always been , and ever will contin●e , betwixt the favourers of the two poets . non nostrum est tantas componere lites . i shall only venture to give my own opinion , and leave it for better judges to determine . if it be only argu'd in general , which of them was the better poet ; the victory is already gain'd on the side of horace . virgil himself must yield to him in the delicacy of his turns , his choice of words , and perhaps the purity of his latin. he who says that pindar is inimitable , is himself inimitable in his odes . but the contention betwixt these two great masters , is for the prize of satire . in which controversie , all the odes , and epodes of horace are to stand excluded . i say this , because horace has written many of them satirically , against his private enemies : yet these , if justly consider'd , are somewhat of the nature of he greek silli , which were invectives against particular sects and persons . but horace had purg'd himself of this choler , before he enter'd on those discourses , which are more properly call'd the roman satire : he has not now to do with a lyce , a canidi● , a cassius severus , or a menas ; but is to correct the vices and the follies of his time , and to give the rules of a happy and virtuous life . in a word , that former sort of satire , which is known in england by the name of lampoon , is a dangerous sort of weapon , and for the most part unlawful . we have no moral right on the reputation of other men. 't is taking from them , what we cannot● restore to them . there are only two reasons , for which we may be permitted to write lampoons ; and i will not promise that they can always justifie us : the first is revenge , when we have been affronted in the same nature , or have been any ways notoriously abus'd , and can make our selves no other reparation . and yet we know , that , in christian charity , all offences are to be forgiven ; as we expect the like pardon for those which we daily commit against almighty god. and this consideration has often made me tremble when i was saying our saviour's prayer ; for the plain condition of the forgiveness which we beg , is the pardoning of others the offences which they have done to us : for which reason i have many times avoided the commission of that fault ; ev'n when i have been notoriously provok'd . let not this , my lord , pass for vanity in me : for 't is truth . more libels have been written against me , than almost any man now living : and i had reason on my side , to have defended my own innocence : i speak not of my poetry , which i have wholly given up to the criticks ; let them use it , as they please ; posterity , perhaps , may be more favourable to me : for interest and passion , will lye bury'd in another age : and partiality and prejudice be forgotten . i speak of my morals , which have been sufficiently aspers'd : that only sort of reputation ought to be dear to every honest man , and is to me . but let the world witness for me , that i have been often wanting to my self in that particular ; i have seldom answer'd any scurrilous lampoon : when it was in my power to have expos'd my enemies : and being naturally vindicative , have suffer'd in silence ; and possess'd my soul in quiet . any thing , tho' never so little , which a man speaks of himself , in my opinion , is still too much , and therefore i will wave this subject ; and proceed to give the second reason , which may justifie a poet , when he writes against a particular person ; and that is , when he is become a publick nuisance . all those , whom horace in his satires , and persius and iuvenal have mention'd in theirs , with a brand of infamy , are wholly such . 't is an action of virtue to make examples of vicious men. they may and ought to be upbraided with their crimes and follies : both for their own amendment , if they are not yet incorrigible ; and for the terrour of others , to hinder them from falling into those enormities , which they see are so severely punish'd , in the persons of others : the first reason was only an excuse for revenge : but this second is absolutely of a poet's office to perform : but how few lampooners are there now living , who are capable of this duty ! when they come in my way , 't is impossible sometimes to avoid reading them . but , good god , how remote they are in common justice , from the choice of such persons as are the proper subject of satire ! and how little wit they bring , for the support of their injustice ! the weaker sex is their most ordinary theme : and the best and fairest are sure to be the most severely handled . amongst men , those who are prosperously unjust , are intitled to a panegyrick . but afflicted virtue is insolently stabb'd with all manner of reproaches . no decency is consider'd , no fulsomness omitted ; no venom is wanting , as far as dullness can supply it . for there is a perpetual dearth of wit ; a barrenness of good sense , and entertainment . the neglect of the readers , will soon put an end to this sort of scribling . there can be no pleasantry where there is no wit : no impression can be made , where there is no truth for the foundation . to conclude , they are like the fruits of the earth in this unnatural season : the corn which held up its head , is spoil'd with rankness : but the greater part of the harvest is laid along , and little of good income , and wholesom nourishment is receiv'd into the barns . this is almost a digression , i confess to your lordship ; but a just indignation forc'd it from me . now i have remov'd this rubbish , i will return to the comparison of iuvenal and horace . i wou'd willingly divide the palm betwixt them ; upon the two heads of profit and delight , which are the two ends of poetry in general . it must be granted by the favourers of iuvenal , that horace is the more copious , and profitable in his instructions of humane life . but in my particular opinion , which i set not up for a standard to better judgments , iuvenal is the more delightful author . i am profited by both , i am pleas'd with both ; but i owe more to horace for my instruction ; and more to iuvenal , for my pleasure . this , as i said , is my particular taste of these two authors : they who will have either of them to excel the other in both qualities , can scarce give better reasons for their opinion , than i for mine : but all unbiass'd readers , will conclude , that my moderation is not to be condemn'd : to such impartial men i must appeal : for they who have already form'd their judgment , may justly stand suspected of prejudice ; and tho all who are my readers , will set up to be my judges , i enter my caveat against them , that they ought not so much as to be of my jury . or , if they be admitted , 't is but reason , that they shou'd first hear , what i have to urge in the defence of my opinion . that horace is somewhat the better instructor of the two , is prov'd from hence , that his instructions are more general : iuvenals's more limited . so that granting , that the counsels which they give , are equally good for moral use ; horace , who gives the most various advice , and most applicable to all occasions , which can occurr to us , in the course of our lives ; as including in his discourses , not only all the rules of morality , but also of civil conversation ; is , undoubtedly , to be preferr'd to him , who is more circumscrib'd in his instructions , makes them to fewer people , and on fewer occasions , than the other . i may be pardon'd for using an old saying , since 't is true , and to the purpose , bonum quo communius , eo melius . iuvenal , excepting only his first satire , is in all the rest confin'd , to the exposing of some particuler vice ; that he lashes , and there he sticks . his sentences are truly shining and instructive : but they are sprinkl'd here and there . horace is teaching us in every line , and is perpetually moral ; he had found out the skill of virgil , to hide his sentences : to give you the virtue of them , without shewing them in their full extent : which is the ostentation of a poet , and not his art : and this petronius charges on the authors of his time , as a vice of writing , which was then growing on the age. ne sententiae extra corpus orationis emineant : he wou'd have them weav'd into the body of the work , and not appear emboss'd upon it , and striking directly on the reader 's view . folly was the proper quarry of horace , and not vice : and , as there are but few notoriously wicked men , in comparison with a shoal of fools , and fops ; so 't is a harder thing to make a man wise , than to make him honest : for the will is only to be reclaim'd in the one ; but the understanding is to be inform'd in the other . there are blind-sides and follies , even in the prosessors of moral philosophy ; and there is not any one sect of them that horace has not expos'd . which , as it was not the design of iuvenal , who was wholly employ'd in lashing vices , some of them the most enormous that can be imagin'd ; so perhaps , it was not so much his talent . omne vafer vitium ridenti flaccus amico , tangit , & admissus circum praecordia ludit . this was ●he commendation which persius gave him : where by vitium , he means those little vices , which we call follies , the defects of humane understanding , or at most the peccadillos of life , rather than the tragical vices , to which men are hurri'd by their unruly passions and exorbitant desires . but in the word omne , which is universal , he concludes , with me , that the divine wit of horace , left nothing untouch'd ; that he enter'd into the inmost recesles of nature ; found out the imperfections even of the most wise and grave , as well as of the common people : discovering , even in the great trebatius , to whom he addresses the first satire , his hunting after business , and following the court , as well as in the persecutor crispinus , his impertinence and importunity . 't is true , he exposes crispinus openly , as a common nuisance : but he rallies the other , as a friend , more finely . the exhortations of persius are confin'd to noblemen : and the stoick philosophy , is that alone , which he recommends to them : iuvenal exhorts to particular virtues , as they are oppos'd to those vices against which he declaims : but horace laughs to shame , all follies , and insinuates virtue , rather by familiar examples , than by the severity of precepts . this last consideration seems to incline the ballance on the side of horace , and to give him the preference to iuvenal , not only in profit , but in pleasure . but , after all , i must confess , that the delight which horace gives me , is but languishing . be pleas'd still to understand , that i speak of my own taste only : he may ravish other men ; but i am too stupid and insensible , to be tickl'd . where he barely grins himself , and , as scaliger says , only shews his white teeth , he cannot provoke me to any laughter . his urbanity , that is , his good manners , are to be commended , but his wit is faint ; and his salt , if i may dare to say so , almost insipid . iuvenal is of a more vigorous and masculine wit , he gives me as much pleasure as i can bear : he fully satisfies my expectation , he treats his subject home : his spleen is rais'd , and he raises mine : i have the pleasure of concernment in all he says ; he drives his reader along with him ; and when he is at the end of his way ▪ i willingly stop with him : if he went another stage , it wou'd be too far , it wou'd make a journey of a progress , and turn delight into fatigue . when he gives over , 't is a sign the subject is exhausted ; and the wit of man can carry it no farther . if a fault can be justly found in him ; 't is that he is sometimes too luxuriant , too redundant ; says more than he needs , like my friend the plain dealer , but never more than pleases . add to this , that his thoughts are as just as those of horace , and much more elevated . his expressions are sonorous and more noble ; his verse more numerous , and his words are suitable to his thoughts ; sublime and lofty . all these contribute to the pleasure of the reader , and the greater the soul of him who reads , his transports are the greater . horace is always on the amble , iuvenal on the gallop : but his way is perpetually on carpet ground . he goes with more impetuosity than horace ; but as securely ; and the swiftness adds a more lively agitation to the spirits . the low style of horace , is according to his subject ; that is generally groveling . i question not but he cou'd have rais'd it . for the first epistle of the second book , which he writes to augustus , ( a most instructive satire concerning poetry , ) is of so much dignity in the words , and of so much elegancy in the numbers , that the author plainly shews , the sermo pedestris , in his other satires , was rather his choice than his necessity . he was a rival to lucilius his predecessor ; and was resolv'd to surpass him in his own manner . lucilius , as we see by his remaining fragments , minded neither his style nor his numbers , nor his purity of words , nor his run of verse . horace therefore copes with him in that humble way of satire . writes under his own force , and carries a dead weight , that he may match his competitor in the race . this i imagine was the chief reason , why he minded only the clearness of his satire , and the cleanness of expression , without ascending to those heights , to which his own vigour might have carri'd him . but limiting his desires only to the conquest of lucilius , he had his ends of his rival , who liv'd before him ; but made way for a new conquest over himself , by iuvenal his successor . he cou'd not give an equal pleasure to his reader , because he us'd not equal instruments . the fault was in the tools , and not in the workman . but versification , and numbers , are the greatest pleasures of poetry : virgil knew it , and practis'd both so happily ; that for ought i know , his greatest excellency is in his diction . in all other parts of poetry , he is faultless ; but in this he plac'd his chief perfection . and give me leave , my lord , since i have here an apt occasion , to say , that virgil , cou'd have written sharper satires , than either horace or iuvenal , if he wou'd have employ'd his talent , that way . i will produce a verse and half of his , in one of his eclogues , to justifie my opinion : and with comma's after every word , to shew , that he has given almost as many lashes , as he has written syllables . 't is against a bad poet ; whose ill verses he describes . non tu , in triviis , indocte , solebas , stridenti , miserum , stipula , disperdere carmen ? but to return to my purpose , when there is any thing deficient in numbers , and sound , the reader is uneasie , and unsatisfi'd ; he wants something of his complement , desires somewhat which he finds not : and this being the manifest defect of horace , 't is no wonder , that finding it supply'd in iuvenal , we are more delighted with him . and besides this , the sauce of iuvenal is more poignant , to create in us an appetite of reading him . the meat of horace is more nourshing ; but the cookery of iuvenal more exquisite ; so that , granting horace to be the more general philosopher ; we cannot deny , that iuvenal was the greater poet , i mean in satire . his thoughts are sharper , his indignation against vice is more vehement ; his spirit has more of the commonwealth genius ; he treats tyranny , and all the vic●s attending it , as they deserve , with the utmost rigour : and consequently , a noble soul is better pleas'd with a zealous vindicator of roman liberty ; than with a t●mporizing poet , a well manner'd court slave , and a man who is often afraid of laughing in the right place : who is ever decent , because he is naturally servile . after all , horace had the disadvantage of the times in which he liv'd ; they were better for the man , but worse for the satirist . 't is generally said , that those enormous vices , which were practis'd under the reign of domitian , were unknown in the time of augustus caesar. that therefore iuvenal had a larger field , than horace . little follies were out of doors , when oppression was to be scourg'd instead of avarice : it was no longer time to turn into ridicule , the false opinions of philosophers ; when the roman liberty was to be asserted . there was more need of a brutus in domitian's days , to redeem or mend , than of a horace , if he had then been living , to laugh at a fly-catcher . this reflection at the same time excuses horace , but exalts iuvenal . i have ended , before i was aware , the comparison of horace and iuvenal , upon the topiques of instruction and delight ; and indeed i may safely here conclude that common-place : for if we make horace our minister of state in satire , and iuvenal of our private pleasures : i think the latter has no ill bargain of it . let profit have the preheminence of honour , in the end of poetry . pleasure , though but the second in degree , is the first in favour . and who wou'd not chuse to be lov'd better , rather than to be more esteem'd ? but i am enter'd already upon another topique ; which concerns the particular merits of these two satirists . however , i will pursue my business where i left it : and carry it farther than that common observation of the several ages , in which these authors flourish'd . when horace writ his satires , the monarchy of his caesar was in its newness ; and the government but just made easie to the conquer'd people . they cou'd not possibly have forgotten the usurpation of that prince upon their freedom , nor the violent methods which he had us'd , in the compassing of that vast design : they yet remember'd his proscriptions , and the slaughter of so many noble romans , their defendors . amongst the rest , that horrible action of his , when he forc'd livia from the arms of her husband , who was constrain'd to see her marry'd , as dion relates the story ; and , big with child as she was , convey'd to the bed of his insulting rival . the same dion cassius gives us another instance of the crime before mention'd : that cornelius sisenna , being reproach'd in full senate , with the licentious conduct of his wife , return'd this answer ; that he had marry'd her by the counsel of augustus : intimating , says my author , that augustus had oblig'd him to that marriage , that he might , under that covert , have the more free access to her . his adulteries were still before their eyes , but they must be patient , where they had not power . in other things that emperor was moderate enough : propriety was generally secur'd ; and the people entertain'd with publick shows , and donatives , to make them more easily digest their lost liberty . but augustus , who was conscious to himself , of so many crimes which he had committed , thought in the first place to provide for his own reputation , by making an edict against lampoons and satires , and the authors of those defamatory writings , which my author tacitus , from the law-term , calls famosos libellos . in the first book of his an●als , he gives the following account of it , in these words . primus augustus cogniti●●em de famosis libellis specie legis ejus , tractavit ; commotus cass●i severi libidine , quâ viros faeminasque inlustres , procacibus scriptis diffamaverat . thus in english ▪ augustus was the first , who under the colour of that law took cognisance of lamp●ons ; being provok'd to it , by the pe●ulancy of cossius severus , who had defam'd many illu●●rious persons of both sexes , in his writings . the law to which tacitus refers , was lex laesae majestatis ; commonly call'd , for the sake of brevity ▪ maje●●as ; or as we say , high treason : he means not that this law had not been enacted formerly : for it had been made by the decemviri , and was inscrib'd amongst the rest in the twelve tables : to prevent the aspersion of the roman majesty ; either of the people themselves , or their religion , or their magistrates : and the in●ringement of it was capital : that is , the offender was whipt to death , with the fasces , which were born before their chief officers of rome . but augustus was the first , who restor'd that intermitted law. by the words ▪ under col●ur of that law , he insinuates that augustus caus'd it to be ex●cut●d , on pretence of those libels , which were written by cassius severus , against the nobility : but in truth , to save himself , from such ce●●at●ry verses . suetonius likewise makes mention of it thus . sparsos de 〈◊〉 in curiâ ●amosos libellos , nec expavit , & magna curâ redarguit : a● 〈◊〉 requisitis quidem auctoribus , id modo censuit , cognoscendum post 〈◊〉 de iis qui libellos aut carmina ad infamiam cujuspi●● s●b alieno nomine ●dant . agustus was not afraid of libels , says that author : yet he took all care imaginable to have them answer'd ; and the● decr●●● that for the time to come , the authors of them shou'd be punish'd . but 〈…〉 it yet more clear , according to my sense , that this 〈◊〉 for his own sake durst not permit them ▪ fecit id 〈…〉 ; & quasi gratificaretur populo romano , & primoribus urbis ; sed revera ut sibi consuleret : nam ●abuit in animo , comprimere nimiam qu●rundam procacitatem in loquendo , à quâ nec ipse exemptus suit . nam suo nomine compescere erat invidiosum , sub alieno facile & utile . ergò specie legis tractavit , quast populi romani majestas inf●maretur . this , i think is a sufficient comment on that passage of tacitus . i will ●dd only by the way , that the whole family of the caesars , and all their relations were included in the law ; because the majesty of the romans in the time of the empire was wholly in that house : omnia caesar erat : they were all accounted sacred , who belong'd to him . as for cassius severus . he was contemporary with horace ; and was the same poet against whom he writes in his epods , under this title , in cassium severum maledicum poetam : perhaps intending to kill two crows , according to our proverb , with one stone ; and revenge both himself and his emperor together . from hence i may reasonably conclude , that ag●stus , who was not altogether so good as he was wise , had some by respect , in the enacting of this law : for to do any thing for nothing , was not his maxim , horace , as he was a courtier , comply'd with the interest of his master , and avoiding the lashing of greater crimes , confin'd himself to the ridiculing of petty vices , and common follies : excepting only some reserv'd cases , in his odes and epods , of his own particular quarrels ; which either with permission of the magistrate or without it , every man will revenge , tho' i say not that he shou'd ; for prior laesit , is a good excuse in the civil law , if christianity had not taught us to forgive . however he was not the proper man to arraign great vices , at least if the stories which we hear of him are true , that he practis'd some , which i will not here mention , out of honour to him . it was not for a clodius to accuse adulterers , especially when augustus was of that number : so that though his age was not exempted from the worst of villanies , there was no freedom left to reprehend them , by reason of the edict . and our poet was not fit to represent them in an odious character , because himself was dipt in the same actions . upon this account , without farther insisting on the different tempers of iuvenal and horace , i conclude , that the subjects which horace chose for satire , are of a lower nature than those of which iuvenal has written . thus i have treated in a new method , the comparison betwixt horace , iuvenal , and persius ; somewhat of their particular manner belonging to all of them is yet remaining to be consider'd . persius was grave , and particularly oppos'd his gravity to lewdness , which was the predominant , vice in nero's court , at the time when he publish'd his satires , which was before that emperour fell into the excess of cruelty . horace was a mild admonisher , a court satirist , fi● for the gentle times of augustus , and more fit , for the reasons which i have already given . iuvenal was as proper for his times , as they for theirs . his was an age that deserv'd a more severe chastisement . vices were more gross and open , more flagitious , more encourag'd by the example of a tyrant ; and more protected by his authority . therefore , wheresoever iuvenal mentions nero , he means domitian , whom he dares not attack in his own person , but scourges him by proxy . heinsius urges in praise of horace , that according to the ancient art and law of satire , it shou'd be nearer to comedy , than to tragedy ; not declaiming against vice , but only laughing at it . neither per●ius , nor iuvenal were ignorant of this , for they had both study'd horace . and the thing it self is plainly true . but as they had read horace , they had likewise read lucilius , of whom per●ius says secuit vrbem ; & genuinum fregit in illis ; meaning mutius and lupus : and iuvenal also mentions him in these words , ense velut stricto , quoties lucilius ardens i●fremuit , &c. so that they thought the imitation of lucilius was more proper to their purpose than that of horace . they chang'd satire , says holiday ; but they chang'd it for the better : for the business being to reform great vices , chastisement goes farther than admonition ; whereas a perpetual grinn , like that of horace , does rather anger than amend a man. thus far that learned critick , bart●n holiday , whose interpretation , and illustrations of iuvenal are as excellent , as the verse of his translation and his english are lame and pitiful . for 't is not enough to give us the meaning of a poet , which i acknowledge him to have perform'd most faithfully ; but he must also imitate his genius , and his numbers : as far a the english will come up to the elegance of the original . in few words , 't is only for a poet to translate a poet. holiday and stapylt●● had not enough consider'd this , when they attempted iuvenal : but i forbear reflections ; only i beg leave to take notice of this sentence , where holiday says , a perpetual grinn , like that of horace , rather angers than amends a man. i cannot give him up the manner of horace in low satire so easily : let the chastisements of iuvenal be never so necessary for his new kind of satire ; let him declaim as wittily and sharply as he pleases , yet still the nicest and most delicate touches of satire consist in fine raillery . this , my lord , is your particular talent , to which even iuvenal could not arrive . 't is not reading , 't is not imitation of an author , which can produce this fineness : it must be inborn , it must proceed from a genius , and particular way of thinking , which is not to be taught ; and therefore not to be imitated by him who has it not from nature : how easie it is to call rogue and villain , and that wittily ? but how hard to make a man appear a fool , a blockhead , or a knave , without using any of those opprobrious terms ? to spare the grossness of the names , and to do the thing yet more severely , is to draw a full face , and to make the nose and cheeks stand out , and yet not to employ any depth of shadowing . this is the mystery of that noble trade ; which yet no master can teach to his apprentice : he may give the rules , but the scholar is never the nearer in his practice . neither is it true , that this fineness of raillery is offensive . a witty man is tickl'd while he is hurt in this manner ▪ and a fool feels it not . the occasion of an offence may possibly be given , but he cannot take it . if it be granted that in effect this way does more mischief ; that a man is secretly wounded , and though he be not sensible himself , yet the malicious world will find it for him : yet there is still a vast difference betwixt the slovenly butchering of a man , and the fineness of a stroak that separates the head from the body , and leaves it standing in its place . a man may be capable , as iack ketche's wife said of his servant , of a plain piece of work , a bare hanging ; but to make a malefactor die sweetly , was only belonging to her husband . i wish i cou'd apply it to my self , if the reader wou'd be kind enough to think it belongs to me . the character of zimri in my absalom , is , in my opinion , worth the whole poem : 't is not bloody , but 't is ridiculous enough . and he for whom it was intended , was too witty to resent it as an injury . if i had rail'd , i might have suffer'd for it justly : but i manag'd my own work more happily , perhaps more dextrously . i avoided the mention of great crimes , and apply'd my self to the representing of blind-sides , and little extravagancies : to which , the wittier a man is , he is generally the more obnoxious . it succeeded as i wish'd ; the jest went round , and he was laught at in his turn who began the frolick . and thus , my lord , you see i have preferr'd the manner of horace , and of your lordship , in this kind of satire , to that of iuvenal ; and i think , reasonably . holiday ought not to have arraign'd so great an author , for that which was his excellency and his merit : or if he did , on such a palpable mistake , he might expect , that some one might possibly arise , either in his own time , or after him , to rectifie his error , and restore to horace , that commendation , of which he has so unjustly robb'd him . and let the manes of iuvenal forgive me , if i say , that this way of horace was the best , for amending manners , as it is the most difficult . his was , an ense rescindendum ; but that of horace was a pleasant cure , with all the limbs preserv'd entire : and as our mountebanks tell us in their bills , without keeping the patient within doors for a day . what they promise only , horace has effectually perform'd : yet i contradict not the proposition which i formerly advanc'd : iuvenal's times requir'd a more painful kind of operation : but if he had liv'd in the age of horace , i must needs affirm , that he had it not about him . he took the method which was prescrib'd him by his own genius ▪ which was sharp and eager ; he cou'd not rally , but he cou'd declame : and as his provocations were great , he has reveng'd them tragically . this notwithstanding , i am to say another word , which , as true as it is , will yet displease the partial admirers of our horace . i have hinted it before ; but t is time for me now to speak more plainly . this manner of horace is indeed the best ; but horace has not executed it , altogether so happily , at least not often . the manner of iuvenal is confess'd to be inferior to the former ; but iuvenal , has excell'd him in his performance . iuvenal has rail'd more wittily than horace has rally'd . horace means to make his reader laugh ; but he is not sure of his experiment . iuvenal always intends to move your indignation ; and he always brings about his purpose . horace , for ought i know , might have tickl'd the people of his age ; but amongst the moderns he is not so successfull . they who say he entertains so pleasantly , may perhaps value themselves on the quickness of their own understandings , that they can see a jest farther off than other men . they may find occasion of laughter , in the wit-battel of the two buffoons , sarmentus and cicerrus : and hold their sides for fear of bursting , when rupilius and per●ius are scolding . for my own part , i can only like the characters of all four , which are judiciously given : but for my heart i cannot so much as smile at their insipid raillery . i see not why per●ius shou'd call upon brutus , to revenge him on his adversary : and that because he had kill'd iulius cesar , for endeavouring to be a king , therefore he shou'd be desir'd to murther rupilius , only because his name was mr. king. a miserable clench , in my opinion , for horace to record : i have heard honest mr. swan make many a better , and yet have had the grace to hold my countenance . but it may be puns were then in fashion , as they were wit in the sermons of the last age , and in the court of king charles the second . i am sorry to say it , for the sake of horace ; but certain it is , he has no fine palate who can feed so heartily on garbidge . but i have already wearied my self , and doubt not but i have tir'd your lordships patience , with this long rambling , and i fear , trivial discourse . upon the one half of the merits , that is , pleasure , i cannot but conclude that iuvenal was the better satirist : they who will descend into his particular praises , may find them at large , in the dissertation of the learned rigaltius to thuanus . as for per●ius , i have given the reasons , why i think him inferior to both of them . yet i have one thing to add on that subject . barten holiday , who translated both iuvenal and per●ius ; has made this distinction betwixt them , which is no less true than witty ; that , in per●ius the difficulty is to find a meaning ; in iuvenal , to chuse a meaning : so crabbed is persius , and so copious is iuvenal : so much the understanding is employ'd in one ; and so much the judgment in the other . so difficult it is , to find any sense in the former , and the best sense of the latter . if , on the other side , any one suppose i have commended horace below his merit , when i have allow'd him but the second place , i desir● him to consider , if iuvenal , a man of excellent natural endowments , besides the advantages of diligence and study , and coming after him , and building upon his foundations might not probably , with all these helps , surpass him ? and whether it be any dishonour to horace , to be thus surpass'd ; since no art , or science , is at once begun and perfected , but that it must pass first through many hands , and even through several ages ? if lucilius cou'd add to ennius , and horace to lucilius , why , without any diminution to the fame of horace , might not iuvenal give the last perfection to that work ? or rather , what disreputation is it to horace , that iuvenal excels in the tragical satyre , as horace does in the comical ? i have read over attentively , both heinsius and dacier , in their commendations of horace : but i can find no more in either of them , for the preference of him to iuvenal , than the instructive part ; the part of wisdom , and not that of pleasure ; which therefore is here allow'd him , notwithstanding what scaliger and rigaltius have pleaded to the contrary for iuvenal . and to shew i am impartial , i will here translate what dacier has said on that subject . i cannot give a more just idea of the two books of satires , made by horace ▪ than by compairing them to the statues of the sileni , to which al●ibiades compares socrates , in the symposium . they were figures , which had nothing of agreeable , nothing of beauty on their out-side : but when any one took the pains to open them , and search into them , he there found the figures of all the deities so , in the shape that horace presents himself to us , in his satires , we see nothing at the first view , which deserves our attention . it seems that he is rather an amusement for children , than for the serious consideration of men. but when we take away his crust , and that which hides him from our sight ; when we discover him to the bottom , then we find all the divinities in a full assembly : that is to say , all the virtues , which ought to be the continual exercise of those , who seriously endeavour to correct their vices . 't is easy to observe , that dacier , in this noble similitude , has confin'd the praise of his author , wholly to the instructive part : the commendation turns on this , and so does that which follows . in these two books of satire , 't is the business of horace to instruct us how to combat our vices , to regulate our passions , to follow nature , to give bounds to our desires , to distinguish betwixt truth and falshood , and betwixt our conceptions of things , and things themselves . to come back from our prejudicate opinions , to understand exactly the principles and motives of all our actions ; and to avoid the ridicule , into which all men necessarily fall , who are intoxicated with those notions , which they have received from their masters ; and which they obstinately retain , without examining whether or no they are founded on right reason . in a word , he labours to render us happy in relation to our selves , agreeable and faithful to our friends , and discreet , serviceable , and well bred in relation to those with whom we are oblig'd to live , and to converse . to make his figures intelligible , to conduct his readers through the labyrinth of some perplex'd sentence , or obscure parenthesis , is no great matter . and as epictetus says , there is nothing of beauty in all this , or what is worthy of a prudent man. the principal business , and which is of most importance to us , is to shew the use , the reason , and the proof of his precepts . they who endeavour not to correct themselves , according to so exact a model ; are just like the patients , who have open before them a book of admirable receipts , for their diseases , and please themselves with reading it , without comprehending the nature of the remedies ; or how to apply them to their cure. let horace go off with these enco●iums , which he has so well deserv'd . to conclude the contention betwixt our three poets , i will use the words of virgil , in his fifth aeneid , where aeneas proposes the rewards of the foot-race , to the three first , who shou'd reach the goal . tres praemia primi , accipient ; flavaque caput nectentur olivâ : let these three ancients be preferr'd to all the moderns ; as first arriving at the goal : let them all be crown'd as victours ; with the wreath that properly belongs to satire . but , after that , with this distinction amongst themselves , primus equum phaleris in●ignem , victor habeto . let iuvenal ride first in triumph . alter amazoniam , pharetram ; plenamque sagittis threiciis , lato quam circumplectitur auro balteus , & tereti subnectit fibula gemmâ . let horace who is the second , and but just the second , carry off the quivers , and the arrows ; as the badges of his satire , and the golden belt , and the diamond button . tertius , argolico hoc clypeo contentus abito . and let per●ius , the last of the first three worthies , be contented with this grecian shield , and with victory not only over all the grecians , who were ignorant of the roman satire , but over all the moderns in succeeding ages ; excepting boileau and your lordship . and thus , i have given the history of satire , and deriv'd it as far as from ennius , to your lordship ; that is , from its first rudiments of barbarity , to its last polishing and perfection : which is , with virgil , in his address to augustus ; — nomen famâ tot ferre per annos , tithoni primâ quot abest ab origine caesar. i said only from ennius ; but i may safely carry it higher , as far as livius andronicus ; who , as i have said formerly , taught the first play at rome in the year ab urbe conditâ , . i have since desir'd my learn'd friend , mr. maidwell , to compute the difference of times , betwixt aristophanes , and livius andronicus ; and he assures me , from the best chronologers , that plutus , the last of aristophanes's his plays , was represented at athens , in the year of the th olympiad ; which agrees with the year vrbis conditae : so that the difference of years betwixt aristophanes and andronicus is ; from whence i have probably deduc'd , that livius andronicus , who was a grecian , had read the plays of the old comedy , which were satyrical , and also of the new ; for menander was fifty years before him , which must needs be a great light to him , in his own plays ; that were of the satirical nature . that the romans had farces before this , 't is true ; but then they had no communication with greece : so that andronicus was the first , who wrote after the manner of the old comedy , in his plays ; he was imitated by ennius , about thirty years afterwards . though the former writ fables ; the latter , speaking properly , began the roman satire . according to that description , which iuvenal gives of it in his first ; quicquid ag●●t homines votum , timor , i●a , voluptas , gaudia , discursus , nostri est farrage libelli . this is that in which i have made bold to differ from casaubon , rigaltius , dacier , and indeed , from all the modern critiques , that not ennius , but andronicus was the first ; who by the archaea comedia of the greeks , added many beauties to the first rude and barbarous roman satire : which sort of poem , tho' we had not deriv'd from rome , yet nature teaches it mankind , in all ages , and in every country . 't is but necessary , that after so much has been said of satire , some definition of it should be given . heinsius , in his dissertations on horace , makes it for me , in these words ; satire is a kind of poetry , without a series of action , invented for the purging of our minds ; in which humane vices , ignorance , and errors , and all things besides , which are produc'd from them , in every man , are severely reprehended ; partly dramatically , partly simply , and sometimes in both kinds of speaking ; but for the most part figuratively , and occultly ; consisting in a low familiar way , chiefly in a sharp and pungent manner of speech ; but partly , also , in a facetious and civil way of iesting ; by which , either hatred , or laughter , or indignation is mov'd . — where i cannot but observe , that this obscure and perplex'd definition , or rather description of satire , is wholly accommodated to the horatian way ; and excluding the works of iuvenal and per●ius , as foreign from that kind of poem : the clause in the beginning of it ( without a series of action ) distinguishes satire properly from stage-plays , which are all of one action , and one continu'd series of action . the end or scope of satire is to purge the passions ; so far it is common to the satires of iuvenal and persius : the rest which follows , is also generally belonging to all three ; till he comes upon us , with the excluding clause ( consisting in a low familiar way of speech ) which is the proper character of horace ; and from which , the other two , for their honour be it spoken , are far distant . but how come lowness of style , and the familiarity of words to be so much the propriety of satire , that without them , a poet can be no more a satirist , than without risibility he can be a man ? is the fault of horace to be made the virtue , and standing rule of this poem ? is the grande sophos of persius , and the sublimity of iuvenal to be circumscrib'd , with the meanness of words and vulgarity of expression ? if horace refus'd the pains of numbers , and the loftiness of figures , are they bound to follow so ill a precedent ? let him walk a foot with his pad in his hand , for his own pleasure ; but let not them be accounted no poets , who choose to mount , and shew their horsmanship , holiday is not afraid to say , that there was never such a fall , as from his odes to his satires , and that he , injuriously to himself , untun'd his harp. the majestique way of per●ius and iuvenal was new when they began it ; but 't is old to us ; and what poems have not , with time , receiv'd an alteration in their fashion ? which alteration , says holiday , is to after-times , as good a warrant as the first . has not virgil chang'd the manners of homer's hero's in his aeneis ? certainly he has , and for the better . for virgil's age was more civiliz'd , and better bred ; and he writ according to the politeness of rome , under the reign of augustus caesar ; not to the rudeness of agamemnon's age , or the times of homer . why shou'd we offer to confine free spirits to one form , when we cannot so much as confine our bodies to one fashion of apparel ? wou'd not donn's satires , which abound with so much wit , appear more charming , if he had taken care of his words , and of his numbers ? but he follow'd horace so very close , that of necessity he must fall with him : and i may safely say it of this present age , that if we are not so great wits as donn , yet , certainly , we are better poets . but i have said enough , and it may be , too much on this subject . will your lordship be pleas'd to prolong my audience , only so far , till i tell you my own trivial thoughts , how a modern satire shou'd be made . i will not deviate in the least from the precepts and examples of the ancients , who were always our best masters . i will only illustrate them , and discover some of the hidden beauties in their designs , that we thereby may form our own in imitation of them . will you please but to observe , that persius , the least in dignity of all the three , has , notwithstanding , been the first , who has discover'd to us this important secret , in the designing of a perfect satire ; that it ought only to treat of one subject ; to be confin'd to one particular theme ; or , at least , to one principally . if other vices occur in the management of the chief , they shou'd only be transiently lash'd , and not be insisted on , so as to make the design double . as in a play of the english fashion , which we call a tragecomedy , there is to be but one main design : and tho' there be an under-plot , or second walk of comical characters and adventures , yet they are subservient to the chief fable , carry'd along under it , and helping to it ; so that the drama may not seem a monster with two heads . thus the copernican systeme of the planets makes the moon to be mov'd by the motion of the earth , and carry'd about her orb , as a dependant of hers : mascardi in his discourse of the doppia favola , or double-tale in plays , gives an instance of it , in the famous pastoral of guarini , call'd il pastor fido ; where corisca and the satyre are the under-parts : yet we may observe , that corisca is brought into the body of the plot , and made subservient to it . 't is certain , that the divine wit of horace , was not ignorant of this rule , that a play , though it consists of many parts , must yet be one in the action , and must drive on the accomplishment of one design ; for he gives this very precept , sit quodvis simplex duntaxat & unum ; yet he seems not much to mind it in his satires , many of them consisting of more arguments than one ; and the second without dependance on the first . casaubon has observ'd this before me , in his preference of persius to horace : and will have his own belov'd author to be the first , who found out , and introduc'd this method of confining himself to one subject . i know it may be urg'd in defence of horace , that this unity is not necessary ; because the very word satura signifies a dish plentifully stor'd with all variety of fruits and grains . yet iuvenal , who calls his poems a farrago , which is a word of the same signification with satura ; has chosen to follow the same method of per●ius , and not of horace : and boileau , whose example alone is a sufficient authority , has wholly confin'd himself , in all his satires , to this unity of design . that variety which is not to be found in any one satire , is , at least , in many , written on several occasions . and if variety be of absolute necessity in every one of them , according to the etymology of the word ; yet it may arise naturally from one subject , as it is diversly treated , in the several subordinate branches of it ; all relating to the chief . it may be illustrated accordingly with variety of examples in the subdivisions of it ; and with as many precepts as there are members of it ; which altogether may compleat that olla , or hotch-potch , which is properly a satire . under this unity of theme , or subject , is comprehended another rule for perfecting the design of true satire . the poet is bound , and that ex officio , to give his reader some one precept of moral virtue ; and to caution him against some one particular vice or folly ▪ other virtues , subordinate to the first , may be recommended , under that chief head ; and other vices or follies may be scourg'd , besides that which he principally intends . but he is chiefly to inculcate one virtue , and insist on that . thus iuvenal in every satire , excepting the first , tyes himself to one principal instructive point , or to the shunning of moral evil. even in the sixth , which seems only an arraignment of the whole sex of womankind ; there is a latent admonition to avoid ill women , by shewing how very few , who are virtuous and good , are to be found amongst them . but this , tho' the wittiest of all his satires , has yet the least of truth or instruction in it . he has run himself into his old declamatory way , and almost forgotten , that he was now setting up for a moral poet. persius is never wanting to us in some profitable doctrine , and in exposing the opposite vices to it . his kind of philosphy is one , which is the stoique ; and every satire is a comment on one particular dogma of that sect ; unless we will except the first , which is against bad writers ; and yet ev'n there he forgets not the precepts of the porch . in general , all virtues are every where to be prais'd , and recommended to practice ; and all vices to be reprehended , and made either odious or ridiculous ; or else there is a fundamental error in the whole design . i have already declar'd , who are the only persons that are the adequate object of private satire , and who they are that may properly be expos'd by name for publick examples of vices and 〈◊〉 ; and therefore i will trouble your lordship no farther with them . of the best and finest manner of satire , i have said enough in the comparison betwixt iuvenal and horace : 't is that sharp , well-manner'd way , of laughing a folly out of countenance , of which your lordship is the best master in this age. i will proceed to the versification , which is most proper for it , and add somewhat to what i have said already on that subject . the sort of verse which is call'd burlesque , consisting of eight syllables , or four feet , is that which our excellent hudibras has chosen . i ought to have mention'd him before , when i spoke of donn ; but by a slip of an old man's memory he was forgotten . the worth of his poem is too well known to need my commendation , and he is above my censure : his satire is of the varronian kind , though unmix'd with prose . the choice of his numbers is suitable enough to his design , as he has manag'd it . but in any other hand , the shortness of his verse , and the quick returns of rhyme , had debas'd the dignity of style . and besides , the double rhyme , ( a necessary companion of burlesque writing ) is not so proper for manly satire , for it turns earnest too much to jest , and gives us a boyish kind of pleasure . it tickles aukwardly with a kind of pain , to the best sort of readers ; we are pleas'd ungratefully , and , if i may say so , against our liking . we thank him not for giving us that unseasonable delight , when we know he cou'd have given us a better , and more solid . he might have left that task to others , who not being able to put in thought , can only make us grin with the excrescence of a word of two or three syllables in the close . 't is , indeed , below so great a master to make use of such a little instrument . but his good sense is perpetually shining through all he writes ; it affords us not the time of finding faults : we pass through the levity of his rhyme , and are immediately carri'd into some admirable useful thought . after all , he has chosen this kind of verse ; and has written the best in it : and had he taken another , he wou'd always have excell'd . as we say of a court-favourite , that whatsoever his office be , he still makes it uppermost , and most beneficial to himself . the quickness of your imagination , my lord , has already prevented me ; and you know before-hand , that i wou'd prefer the verse of ten syllables , which we call the english heroique , to that of eight . this is truly my opinion . for this sort of number is more roomy . the thought can turn it self with greater ease , in a larger compass . when the rhyme comes too thick upon us ; it streightens the expression ; we are thinking of the close , when we shou'd be employ'd in adorning the thought . it makes a poet giddy with turning in a space too narrow for his imagination . he loses many beauties without gaining one advantage . for a burlesque rhyme , i have already concluded to be none ; or if it were , 't is more easily purchas'd in ten syllables than in eight : in both occasions 't is as in a tennis-court , when the strokes of greater force , are given , when we strike out , and play at length . tassone and boileau have left us the best examples of this way , in the secchia rapita , and the lutrin . and next them merlin coccajus in his baldus . i will speak only of the two former , because the last is written in latin verse . the secchia rapita , is an italian poem ; a satire of the varronian kind . 't is written in the stanza of eight , which is their measure for heroique verse . the words are stately , the numbers smooth , the turn both of thoughts and words is happy . the first ●ix lines of the stanza seem majestical and severe : but the two last turn them all , into a pleasant ridicule . boileau , if i am not much deceiv'd , has model'd from hence , his famous lutrin . he had read the burlesque poetry of scarron , with some kind of indignation , as witty as it was , and found nothing in france that was worthy of his imitation . but he copy'd the italian so well , that his own may pass for an original . he writes it in the french heroique verse , and calls it an heroique poem : his subject is trivial , but his verse is noble . i doubt not but he had virgil in his eye , for we find many admirable imitations of him , and some parodies ; as particularly this passage in the fourth of the en●ids . nec tibi diva parens ; generis nec dardanus auctor , per●ide ; sed duris genuit te cautibus horrens ▪ caucasus ; hyrcanaeque admôrunt ubera tigres . which he thus translates , keeping to the words , but altering the sense . non , ton pere a paris , ne fut point boulanger : et tu n'es point du sang de gervais horloger : ta mere ne fut point la maitresse d'un coche ; caucase dans ses flancs , te forma d'une roché : vne tigresse affre●se , en quelque antre écarté te fit , avec son laict , succer sa cruauté . and , as virgil in his fourth georgique of the bees , perpetually raises the lowness of his subject by the loftiness of his words ; and ennobles it by comparisons drawn from empires , and from monarchs . admiranda tibi levium spectacula rerum , magnanimosque duces , totiusque ordine gentis mores & studia , & populos , & praelia dica● . and again , sed genus immortale manet ; multosque per annos stat fortuna domûs , & avi numerantur avorum . we see boileau pursuing him in the same flights ; and scarcely yielding to his master . this , i think , my lord , to be the most beautiful , and most noble kind of satire . here is the majesty of the heroique , finely mix'd with the venom of the other ; and raising the delight which otherwise wou'd be flat and vulgar , by the sublimity of the expression . i cou'd say somewhat more of the delicacy of this and some other of his satires ; but it might turn to his prejudice , if 't were carry'd back to france . i have given your lordship , but this bare hint , in what verse , and in what manner this sort of satire may best be manag'd . had i time , i cou'd enlarge on the beautiful turns of words and thoughts ; which are as requisite in this , as in heroique poetry it self ; of which this satire is undoubtedly a species . with these beautiful turns i confess my self to have been unacquainted , till about twenty years ago , in a conversation which i had with that noble wit of scotland , sir george mackenzy : he asked me why i did not imitate in my verses , the turns of mr. waller , and sir iohn denham ; of which , he repeated many to me : i had often read with pleasure , and with some profit , those two fathers of our english poetry ; but had not seriously enough consider'd those beauties which give the last perfection to their works . some sprinklings of this kind , i had also formerly in my plays , but they were casual , and not design'd . but this hint , thus seasonably given me , first made me sensible of my own wants , and brought me afterwards to seek for the supply of them in other english authors . i look'd over the darling of my youth , the famous cowley ; there i found instead of them , the points of wit , and quirks of epigram , even in the davideis , a heroick poem , which is of an opposite nature to those puerilities ; but no elegant turns , either on the word , or on the thought . then i consulted a greater genius , ( without offence to the manes of that noble author ) i mean milton . but as he endeavours every where to express homer , whose age had not arriv'd to that fineness , i found in him a true sublimity , lofty thoughts , which were cloath'd with admirable grecisms , and ancient words , which he had been digging from the mines of chaucer , and of spencer , and which , with all their rusticity , had somewhat of venerable in them . but i found not there neither that for which i look'd . at last i had recourse to his master , spencer , the author of that immortal poem , call'd the fairy-queen ; and there i met with that which i had been looking for so long in vain . spencer had studi'd virgil to as much advantage as milton had done homer . and amongst the rest of his excellencies had copy'd that . looking farther into the italian , i found tasso had done the same ; nay more , that all the sonne●s in that language are on the turn of the first thought ; which mr. walsh , in his late ingenious preface to his poems has ob●erv'd . in short , virgil , and ovid are the two principal fountains of them in 〈◊〉 poetry . and the french at this day are so fond of them , that they judge them to be the first beauties . delicate , & bien tourné , are the highest commendations , which they bestow , on somewhat which they think a master-piece . an example of the turn on words amongst a thousand others , is that , in the last book of ovid's metamorphoses . he● quantum seelus est , in viscera , viscera condi ! congestoque●vidum pinguescere corpore corpus ; alteri●sque animantem , animantis vivere ●●to . an example on the turn both of thoughts and words , is to be found in 〈◊〉 ; in the complaint of ariadne , when she was left by theseus . t●m jam nulla viro juranti faemina credat ; n●lla viri speret sermones esse ●ideles : qui dum aliquid cupiens animus pr●egestit apisci , nil metuunt jurare ; nihil promittere par●●nt . sed ●imul ●c cupidae mentis s●tiata libido est , dicta nihil metuere ; nihil perjuria curant . an extraordinary turn upon the words , is that in ovid's epistolae her●●d●m , of 〈◊〉 to pha●● . 〈…〉 , 〈…〉 . lastly , a turn which i cannot say is absolutely on words , for the thought turns with them , is in the fourth 〈◊〉 of virgil ; where 〈◊〉 is to receive his wife from hell , on express condition not to 〈◊〉 her ●●ll she was come on earth . 〈…〉 ignoscenda quidem , scirent si ignoscere manes . i will not burthen your lordship with more of them ; for i write to a master , who understands them better than my 〈◊〉 . but i may 〈…〉 them to be great beauties : i might descend also to the ●●●●nick beauties of heroiok v●rse ; but we have yet no english prof●●● , not so much as a 〈◊〉 dictionary , or a grammar ; so that our language is in a manner barbarous ; and what government will 〈◊〉 any one , or more , who are capable or resining it , i know not ▪ but nothing under a publick expence can go through with it . and i rather fear a declination of the language , than hope an advancement of 〈…〉 i am 〈◊〉 speaking to you , my lord ; though in all probability , you are already out of hearing . nothing which my 〈◊〉 can produce , is worthy of this long attention . but i am come to the last petition of abraham ; if there be 〈…〉 lines , in this 〈◊〉 preface , spare it for their sake ; and also spare the next city , because it is but a little one . 〈…〉 some gentlemen who have succeeded very happily in their undertaking ; let their excellencies attone for my imperfections , and those of my sons . i have perus'd some of the satires , which are done by other hands : and they seem to me as perfect in their kind , as any thing i have seen in english verse . the common way which we have taken , is not a literal translation , but a kind of paraphrase ; or somewhat which is yet more loose , betwixt a paraphrase and imitation . it was not possible for us , or any men , to have made it pleasant , any other way . if rendring the exact sense of these authors , almost line for line ▪ had been our business , barten holiday had done it already to our hands : and , by the help of his learned notes and illustrations , not only of iuvenal , and persius , but what yet is more obscure , his own verses might be understood . but he wrote for fame , and wrote to scholars : we write only for the pleasure and entertainment , of those gentlemen and ladies , who tho they are not scholars are not ignorant : persons of understanding and good sense ; who not having been conversant in the original , or at least not having made latine verse so much their business , as to be critiques in it , wou'd be glad to find , if the wit of our two great authors , be answerable to their fame , and reputation in the world. we have therefore endeavour'd to give the publick all the satisfaction we are able in this kind . and if we are not altogether so faithful to our author , as our predecessours holiday and stapylton , yet we may challenge to our selves this praise , that we shall be far more pleasing to our readers . we have follow'd our authors , at greater distance ; tho' not step by step , as they have done . for oftentimes they have gone so close , that they have trod on the heels of iuvenal and persius ; and hurt them by their too near approach . a noble authour wou'd not be persu'd too close by a translator . we lose his spirit , when we think to take his body . the grosser part remains with us , but the soul is flown away , in some noble expression or some delicate turn of words , or thought . thus holiday , who made this way his choice , seiz'd the meaning of iuvenal ; but the poetry has always scap'd him . they who will not grant me , that pleasure is one of the ends of poetry , but that it is only a means of compassing the only end , which is instruction ; must yet allow that without the means of pleasure , the instruction is but a bare and dry philosophy . a crude preparation of morals , which we may have from aristotle and epictetus , with more profit than from any poet ▪ neither holiday nor stapylton , have imitated iuvenal , in the poetical part of him , his diction and his elocution . nor had they been poets , as neither of them were ; yet in the way they took , it was impossible for them to have succeeded in the poetique part . the english verse , which we call heroique , consists of no more than ten syllables ; the latine hexameter sometimes rises to seventeen ; as for example , this verse in virgil , pulverulenta putrem sonitu quatit ungula campum . here is the difference , of no less than seven syllables in a line , betwixt the english and the latine . now the medium of these , is about fourteen syllables ; because the dactyle is a more frequent foot in hexameters than the spondee . but holiday , without considering that he writ with the disadvantage of four syllables less in every verse , endeavours to make one of his lines , to comprehend the sense of one of iuvenal's . according to the falsity of the proposition , was the success . he was forc'd to crowd his verse with ill sounding monosyllables , of which our barbarous language affords him a wild plenty : and by that means he arriv'd at his pedantick end , which was to make a literal translation : his verses have nothing of verse in them , but only the worst part of it ▪ the rhyme : and that , into the bargain , is far from good . but which is more intollerable ▪ by cramming his ill chosen , and worse sounding monosyllables so close together ; the very sense which he endeavours to explain , is become more obscure , than that of his author . so that holiday himself cannot be understood , without as large a commentary , as that which he makes on his two authours . for my own part , i can make a shift to find the meaning of iuvenal without his notes : but his translation is more difficult than his authour . and i find beauties in the latine to recompence my pains ; but in holiday and stapylton , my ears , in the first place , are mortally o●●ended ; and then their sense is so perplex'd , that i return to the original , as the more pleasing task , as well as the more easy . this must be said for our translation , that if we give not the whole sense of iuvenal , yet we give the most considerable part of it : we give it , in general , so clearly , that few notes are sufficient to make us intelligible : we make our authour at least appear in a poetique dress . we have actually made him more sounding , and more elegant , than he was before in english : and have endeavour'd to make him speak that kind of english , which he wou'd have spoken had he liv'd in england , and had written to this age. if sometimes any of us ( and 't is but seldome ) make him express the customs and manners of our native country , rather than of rome ; 't is , either when there was some kind of analogy , betwixt their customes and ours ; or when , to make him more easy to vulgar understandings , we gave him those manners which are familiar to us . but i defend not this innovation , 't is enough if i can excuse it . for to speak sincerely , the manners of nations and ages , are not to be confounded : we shou'd either make them english , or leave them roman . if this can neither be defended , nor excus'd , let it be pardon'd , at least , because it is acknowledg'd ; and so much the more easily , as being a fault which is never committed without some pleasure to the reader . thus , my lord , having troubl'd you with a tedious visit , the best manners will be shewn in the least ceremony . i will slip away while your back is turn'd , and while you are otherwise employ'd : with great confusion , for having entertain'd you so long with this discourse ; and for having no other recompence to make you , than the worthy labours of my fellow-undertakers in this work ; and the thankful acknowledgments , prayers , and perpetual good wishes of , my lord , your lordships , most obliged , most humble , and most obedient servant . john dryden . aug. . . a table to juvenal . the dedication to the earl of dorset . — the first satire . translated by mr. dryden . page notes on the first satire . page the second satire . translated by mr. tate . page notes on the second satire . page the third satire . translated by mr. dryden . page notes on the third satire . page the fourth satire . translated by mr. — page notes on the fourth satire . page the fifth satire . translated by mr. w. bowles . page notes on the fifth satire . page the sixth satire . translated by mr. dryden . page notes on the sixth satire . page the seventh satire . translated by mr. charles dryden . page notes on the seventh satire . page the eighth satire . translated by mr. g. stepney . page notes on the eighth satire . page the ninth satire . translated by mr. step. hervey . page notes on the ninth satire . page the tenth satire . translated by mr. dryden . page notes on the tenth satire . page the eleventh satire . translated by mr. congreve . page notes on the eleventh satire . page the twelfth satire . translated by mr. power . page notes on the twelfth satire . page the thirteenth satire . translated by mr. creech . page notes on the thirteenth satire . page the fourteenth satire . translated by mr. j. dryden iun. page notes on the fourteenth satire . page the fifteenth satire . translated by mr. tate . page notes on the fifteenth satire . page the sixteenth satire . translated by mr. dryden . page notes on the sixteenth satire . page the table to persius . to mr. dryden on his translation of perius , by mr. congreve . the first satire of persius . page page notes on the first satire . page the second satire . page notes on the second satire . page the third satire . page notes on the third satire . page the fourth satire . page notes on the fourth satire . page the fifth satire . page notes on the fifth satire . page the sixth satire . page notes on the sixth satire . page errata . in the eleventh satire , page . line . read for ill , unpleasant . the first satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the first satyr . the poet gives us first a kind of humorous reason for his writing : that being provok'd by hearing so many ill poets rehearse their works , he does himself iustice on them , by giving them as bad as they bring . but since no man will rank himself with ill writers , 't is easie to conclude , that if such wretches cou'd draw an audience , he thought it no hard matter to excel them , and gain a greater esteem with the publick . next he informs us more openly ▪ why he rather addicts himself to satyr , than any other kind of poetry . and here he discovers that it is not so much his indignation to ill poets , as to ill men , which has prompted him to write . he therefore gives us a summary and general view of the vices and follies reigning in his time . so that this first satyr is the natural ground-work of all the rest . herein he confines himself to no one subject , but strikes indifferently at all men in his way : in every following satyr he has chosen some particular moral which he wou'd inculcate ; and lashes some particular vice or folly , ( an art with which our lampooners are not much acquainted . ) but our poet being desirous to reform his own age , and not daring to attempt it by an overt act of naming living persons , inveighs onely against those who were infamous in the times immediately preceding his , whereby he not only gives a fair warning to great men , that their memory lies at the mercy of future poets and historians , but also with a finer stroke of his pen , brands ev'n the living , and personates them under dead mens names . i have avoided as much as i cou'd possibly the borrow'd learning of marginal notes and illustrations , and for that reason have translated this satyr somewhat largely . and freely own ( if it be a fault ) that i have likewise omitted most of the proper names , because i thought they wou'd not much edifie the reader . to conclude , if in two or three places i have deserted all the commentators , 't is because i thought they first deserted my author , or at least have left him in so much obscurity , that too much room is left for guessing . the first satyr . still shall i hear , and never quit the score , stun'd with hoarse codrus theseid , o're and o're ? shall this man's elegies and t'others play unpunish'd murther a long summer's day ? huge telephus , a formidable page , cries vengeance ; and orestes's bulky rage unsatisfy'd with margins closely writ , foams o're the covers , and not finish'd yet . no man can take a more familiar note of his own home , than i of vulcan's grott , or mars his grove , or hollow winds that blow from aetna's top , or tortur'd ghosts below . i know by rote the fam'd exploits of greece ; the centaurs fury , and the golden fleece ; through the thick shades th' eternal scribler bauls ; and shakes the statues on their pedestals . the best and worst on the same theme employs his muse , and plagues us with an equal noise . provok'd by these incorrigible fools , i left declaiming in pedantick schools ; where , with men-boys , i strove to get renown , advising sylla to a private gown . but , since the world with writing is possest , i 'll versifie in spite ; and do my best to make as much waste paper as the rest . but why i lift aloft the satyrs rod , and tread the path which fam'd lucilius trod , attend the causes which my muse have led : when sapless eunuchs mount the marriage-bed , when mannish mevia that two handed whore , astride on horse-back hunts the tuscan boar , when all our lords are by his wealth outvy'd , whose razour on my callow-beard was try'd : when i behold the spawn of conquer'd nile crispinus , both in birth and manners vile , pacing in pomp , with cloak of tyrian dye chang'd oft a day for needless luxury ; and finding oft occasion to be fan'd , ambitious to produce his lady-hand ; charg'd with light summer-rings his fingers sweat , unable to support a gem of weight : such fulsom objects meeting every where , 't is hard to write , but harder to forbear . to view so lewd a town , and to refrain , what hoops of iron cou'd my spleen contain ! when pleading matho , born abroad for air , with his fat paunch fills his new fashion'd chair , and after him the wretch in pomp convey'd , whose evidence his lord and friend betray'd , and but the wish'd occasion does attend from the poor nobles the last spoils to rend , whom ev'n spies dread as their superiour fiend , and bribe with presents , or , when presents fail , they send their prostituted wives for bail : when night-performance holds the place of merit , and brawn and back the next of kin disherit ; for such good parts are in preferment 's way , the rich old madam never fails to pay , her legacies by nature's standard giv'n , one gains an ounce , another gains eleven : a dear-bought bargain , all things duly weigh'd , for which their thrice concocted blood is paid . with looks as wan , as he who in the brake at unawares has trod upon a snake . or play'd at lions a declaiming prize , for which the vanquish'd rhetorician dyes . what indignation boils within my veins , when perjur'd guardians , proud with impious gains , choak up the streets , too narrow for their trains ! whose wards by want betray'd , to crimes are led too soul to name , too fulsom to be read ! when he who pill'd his province scapes the laws , and keeps his money though he lost his cause : his fine begg'd off , contemns his infamy , can rise at twelve , and get him drunk e're three : enjoys his exile , and , condemn'd in vain , leaves thee , prevailing province , to complain ? such villanies rous'd horace into wrath ; and 't is more noble to pursue his path , than an old tale of diomede to repeat , or lab'ring after hercules to sweat , or wandring in the winding maze of creet . or with the winged smith aloft to fly , or flutt'ring perish with his foolish boy . with what impatience must the muse behold the wife by her procuring husband sold ? for though the law makes null th' adulterer's deed of lands to her , the cuckold may succeed . who his taught eyes up to the cieling throws , and sleeps all over but his wakeful nose . when he dares hope a colonel's command , whose coursers kept , ran out his father's land ; who yet a stripling nero's chariot drove , whirl'd o're the streets , while his vain master strove with boasted art to please his eunuch-love . wou'd it not make a modest author dare to draw his table-book within the square , and fill with notes , when lolling at his ●ase mecenas-like , the happy rogue he sees born by six weary'd slaves in open view , who cancell'd an old will , and forg'd a new : made wealthy at the small expence of signing with a wet seal , and a fresh interlining . the lady , next , requires a lashing line , who squeez'd a toad into her husband's wine : so well the fashionable med'cine thrives , that now 't is practis'd ev'n by country wives : poys'ning without regard of fame or fear : and spotted corps are frequent on the bier . wou'dst thou to honours and preferments climb , be bold in mischief , dare some mighty crime , which dungeons , death , or banishment deserves : for virtue is but dryly prais'd , and sterves . great men , to great crimes , owe their plate embost , fair palaces , and furniture of cost ; and high commands : a sneaking sin is lost . who can behold that rank old letcher keep his son 's corrupted wife , and hope to sleep ? or that male-harlot , or that unfledg'd boy , eager to sin , before he can enjoy ? if nature cou'd not , anger would indite such woeful stuff as i or s — ll write . count from the time , since old deucalion's boat , rais'd by the flood , did on parna●●us float ; and scarcely mooring on the cliff , implor'd an oracle how man might be restor'd ; when soften'd stones and vital breath ensu'd , and virgins naked were by lovers view'd ; what ever since that golden age was done , what humane kind desires , and what they shun , rage , passions , pleasures , impotence of will , shall this satyrical collection fill . what age so large a crop of vices bore , or when was avarice extended more ? when were the dice with more profusion thrown ? the well fill'd fob , not empty'd now alone , but gamesters for whole patrimonies play ; the steward brings the deeds which must convey the lost estate : what more than madness reigns , when one short sitting many hundreds drains , and not enough is left him to supply board-wages , or a footman's livery ? what age so many summer-seats did see ? or which , of our forefathers far'd so well as on seven dishes at a private meal ? clients of old were feasted ; now a poor divided dole is dealt at th' outward door ; which by the hungry rout is soon dispatch'd : the paltry largess , too , severely watch'd e're given ; and every face observ'd with care , that no intruding guest usurp a share . known , you receive : the cryer calls aloud our old nobility of trojan blood , who gape among the croud for their precarious food . the praetors , and the tribunes voice is heard ; the freedman justles and will be preferr'd ; first come , first serv'd , he cries ; and i , in spight of your great lordships , will maintain my right . tho born a slave , tho my torn ears are bor'd , 't is not the birth , 't is mony makes the lord. the rents of five fair houses i receive ; what greater honours can the purple give ? the poor patrician is reduc'd to keep in melancholly walks a grazier's sheep : not pallas nor licinius had my treasure ; then let the sacred tribunes wait my leasure . once a poor rogue , 't is true , i trod the street , and trudg'd to rome upon my naked feet : gold is the greatest god ; though yet we see no temples rais'd to mony 's majesty , no altars fuming to her pow'r divine , such as to valour , peace , and virtue shine , and faith , and concord : where the stork on high seems to salute her infant progeny : presaging pious love with her auspicious cry. but since our knights and senators account to what their sordid begging vails amount , judge what a wretched share the poor attends , whose whole subsistence on those alms depends ! their houshold-fire , their rayment , and their food , prevented by those harpies ; when a wood of litters thick besiege the donor's gate , and begging lords , and teeming ladies wait the promis'd dole : nay some have learn'd the trick to beg for absent persons ; feign them sick , close mew'd in their sedans , for fear of air : and for their wives produce an empty chair . this is my spouse : dispatch her with her share . 't is galla : let her ladyship but peep : no , sir , 't is pity to disturb her sleep . such fine employments our whole days divide : the salutations of the morning-tide call up the sun ; those ended , to the hall we wait the patron , hear the lawyers baul , then to the statues ; where amidst the race of conqu'ring rome , some arab shews his face inscrib'd with titles , and profanes the place . fit to be piss'd against , and somewhat more . the great man , home conducted , shuts his door ; old clients , weary'd out with fruitless care , dismiss their hopes of eating , and despair . though much against the grain , forc'd to retire , buy roots for supper , and provide a fire . mean time his lordship lolls within at ease , pamp'ring his paunch with foreign rarities : both sea and land are ransack'd for the feast , and his own gut the sole invited guest . such plate , such tables , dishes dress'd so well , that whole estates are swallow'd at a meal . ev'n parasites are banish'd from his board : ( at once a sordid and luxurious lord : ) prodigious throat , for which whole boars are drest ; ( a creature form'd to furnish out a feast . ) but present punishment pursues his maw , when surfeited and swell'd , the peacock raw he bears into the bath ; whence want of breath , repletions , apoplex , intestate death . his fate makes table-talk , divulg'd with scorn , and he , a jeast , into his grave is born . no age can go beyond us : future times can add no farther to the present crimes . our sons but the same things can wish and do ; vice is at stand , and at the highest flow . then satyr spread thy sails ; take all the winds can blow . some may , perhaps , demand what muse can yield sufficient strength for such a spacious field ? from whence can be deriv'd so large a vein , bold truths to speak , and spoken to maintain ; when god-like freedom is so far bereft the noble mind , that scarce the name is left ? e're scandalum magnatum was begot , no matter if the great forgave or not : but if that honest licence now you take , if , into rogues omnipotent , you rake , death is your doom , impail'd upon a stake : smear'd o're with wax , and set on fire , to light the streets , and make a dreadful blaze by night . shall they who drench'd three uncles in a draught of poys'nous juice , be then in triumph brought , make lanes among the people where they go , and , mounted high on downy chariots , throw disdainful glances on the crowd below ? be silent , and beware if such you see ; 't is defamation but to say , that 's he ! againt bold turnus the great trojan arm , amidst their strokes the poet gets no harm : achilles may in epique verse be slain , and none of all his myrmidons complain : hylas may drop his pitcher , none will cry ; not if he drown himself for company : but when lucilius brandishes his pen , and flashes in the face of guilty men , a cold sweat stands in drops on ev'ry part ; and rage succeeds to tears , revenge to smart . muse be advis'd ; 't is past consid'ring time , when enter'd once the dangerous lists of rhime : since none the living-villains dare implead , arraign them in the persons of the dead . the end of the first satyr . explanatory notes on the first satyr codrus , or it may be cordus , a bad poet who wrote the life and actions of theseus . telephus , the name of a tragedy . orestes , another tragedy . mars his grove . some commentators take this grove to be ● place where poets were us'd to repeat their works to the people , but more probably , both this and vulcan's grott , or cave , and the rest of the places and names here mention'd , are only meant for the common places of homer , in his iliads and odysses . the best and worst ; that is , the best and the worst poets . advising sylla , &c. this was one of the themes given in the schools of rhetoricians , in the deliberative kind ; whether sylla should lay down the supreme power of dictatorship , or still keep it . lucilius , the first satyrist of the romans , who wrote long before horace . mevia , a name put for any impudent or mannish woman . whose razour , & c. iuvenal's barber now grown wealthy . crispinus , an egyptian slave ; now by his riches transform'd into a nobleman . charg'd with light summer rings , &c. the romans were grown so effeminate in iuvenal's time , that they wore light rings in the summer , and heavier in the winter . matho , a famous lawyer , mention'd in other places by iuvenal and martial . at lyons ; a city in france , where annual sacrifices and games were made in honour of augustus caesar. prevailing province , &c. here the poet complains that the governours of provinces being accus'd for their unjust exactions , though they were condemned at their tryals , yet got off by bribery . horace , who wrote satyrs : 't is more noble , says our author , to imitate him in that way , than to write the labours of hercules , the sufferings of diomedes and his followers , or the flight of dedalus who made the labyrinth , and the death of his son icarus . his eunuch-love . nero marry'd sporus an eunuch ; though it may be the poet meant nero's mistress in mans apparel . mecenas-like : mecenas is often tax'd by seneca and others , for his effeminacy . and hope to sleep : the meaning is , that the very consideration of such a crime , will hinder a virtuous man from taking his repose . deucalion and pyrrha , when the world was drown'd , escap'd to the top of mount parnassus ; and were commanded to restore mankind by throwing stones over their heads : the stones he threw became men , and those she threw became women . though my torn ears are bor'd : the ears of all slaves were bor'd as a mark of their servitude ; which custom is still usual in the east-indies , and in other parts , even for whole nations ; who bore prodigious holes in their ears , and wear vast weights at them . the poor patrician ; the poor nobleman . pallas , or licinius . pallas , a slave freed by claudius caesar , and rais'd by his favour to great riches . licinius was another wealthy freedman , belonging to augustus . where the stork on high , &c. perhaps the storks were us'd to build on the top of the temple dedicated to concord . prevented by those harpies : he calls the roman knights , & ● ▪ harpies , or devourers : in those days the rich made doles intended for the poor : but the great were either so covetous , or so needy , that they came in their litters to demand their shares of the largess ; and thereby prevented , and consequently starv'd the poor . 't is galla , &c. the meaning is , that noblemen wou'd cause empty litters to be carried to the giver's door , pretending their wives were within them : 't is galla , that is , my wife : the next words let her ladyship but peep , are of the servant who distributes the dole ; let me see her , that i may be sure she is within the litter . the husband answers , she is asleep , and to open the litter would disturb her rest. next to the statues , &c. the poet here tells you how the idle pass'd their time ; in going first to the levees of the great , then to the hall , that is , to the temple of apollo , to hear the lawyers plead , then to the market-place of augustus , where the statues of the famous romans were set in ranks on pedestals : amongst which statues were seen those of foreigners , such as arabs , &c. who for no desert , but only on the account of their wealth , or favour , were plac'd amongst the noblest . against bold turnus , &c. a poet may safely write an heroick poem , such as that of virgil , who describes the duel of turnus and aeneas ; or of homer , who writes of achilles and hector ; or the death of hylas the catamite of hercules ; who stooping for water , dropt his pitcher , and fell into the well after it . but 't is dangerous to write satyr like lucilius . the second satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. tate . argument of the second satyr . the poet , in this satyr , inveighs against the hypocrisie of the philosophers , and priests of his time : the effeminacy of military officers , and magistrates . which corruption of manners in general , and more particularly of unnatural vices , he imputes to the atheistical principle that then prevail'd . the second satyr . i 'm sick of rome , and wish my self convey'd where freezing seas obstruct the merchants trade , when hypocrites read lectures , and a sot , because into a gown and pulpit got , tho surfeit-gorg'd , and reeking from the stews , nothing but abstinence for 's theam will chuse . the rakehells too pretend to learning — why ? chrysippus statue decks their library . who makes his closet finest is most read ; the dolt that with an aristotle's head , carv'd to the life , has once adorn'd his shelf , streight sets up for a stagyrite himself . precise their look , but to the brothel come , you 'll know the price of philosophick bum. you 'd swear , if you their bristled hides survey'd , that for a bear 's caresses they are made ; yet of their obscene part they take such care , that ( like baboons ) they still keep podex bare ; to see 't so sleek and trimm'd the surgeon smiles , and scarcely can for laughing launce the piles . since silence seems to carry wisdom's pow'r , th' affected rogues , like clocks , speak once an hour . those grizled locks which nature did provide , in plenteous growth , their asses ears to hide , the formal slaves reduce to a degree short of their eye-brows . — now i honour thee , thee peribonius , thou profest he-whore , and all thy crimes impute to nature's score : thou , as in harlots dress thou art attir'd , for ought i know , with harlots itch art fir'd , thy form seems for the pathick trade design'd , and generously thou dost own thy kind . but what of those lewd miscreants must become , who preach morality and shake the bum ? varillus cries , shall i fear sextus doom , whose haunches are the common sink of rome ? let him cry blackmoor-devil , whose skin is white , and bandy-legs , who treads himself upright ; let him reprove that 's innocent — in vain the gracchi of sedition must complain . ' twou'd make you swear the planets from their spheres , shou'd verres peach thieves , milo murderers , clodius tax bawds , cethegus catiline , or scylla's pupils scylla's rules decline . yet we have seen a modern magistrate restore those rigid laws that did create in mars and venus dread ; himself the while , with impious drugs and potions , did beguile the teeming iulia's womb , and thence did wrest crude births , that yet th' incestuous sire confest . how shall such hypocrites reform the state , on whom the brothels can recriminate ? of this we have an instance great and new in a cock-zealot of this preaching crew , whose late harangue the gaping rabble drew . his theme , as fate wou'd have 't , was fornication , and as i' th' fury of his declamation , he cry'd , why sleeps the iulian law , that aw'd this vice ? — laronia , an industrious bawd , ( as bawds will run to lectures ) nettled much to have her copy-hold so nearly toucht , with a disdainful smile , reply'd , blest times , that made thee censor of the age's crimes ! rome now must needs reform , and vice be stopt , since a third cato from the clouds is dropt . but tell me , sir , what perfume strikes the air from your most rev'rend neck o'regrown with hair ? for modestly we may presume , i trow , 't is not your nat'ral grain — the price i 'd know , and where 't is sold ; direct me to the street , and shop , for i with no such essence meet . let me entreat you , sir , for your own sake , use caution , and permit the laws to take a harmless nap , left the scantinian wake . our wise forefathers took their measures right , nor wreak'd on fornicators all their spight , but left a limbo for the sodomite . if you commission-courts must needs erect for manners , put the test to your own sect. but you by number think your selves secure , while our thin squadron must the brunt endure . with grief i must confess our muster 's few , and much with civil broils impair'd , while you are to the dev'l and to each other true . your penal laws against us are enlarg'd , on whom no crimes , like what you act , are charg'd . flavia may now and then turn up for bread , but chastly with catulla lies a bed. your hispo acts both sexes parts , before a fornicator ; and behind , a whore : we ne're invade your walks ; the clients cause we leave to your confounding and the laws . if now and then an amazonian dame dares fight a publick prize , 't is sure less shame , than to behold your unnerv'd sex set in to needle-work , and like a damsel spin. how hister's bondman his sole heir became , and his conniving spouse so rich a dame , is known ; that wife with wealth must needs be sped , who is content to make a third in bed. you nymphs that would to coach and six arrive , marry , keep counsel , and y' are sure to thrive ! yet these obnoxious men , without remorse , against our tribe will put the laws in force , clip the dove's wing , and give the vulture course . thus spoke the matron — the convicted crew from so direct a charge like lightning flew . it must be so — nor , vain metellus , shall from rome's tribunal , thy harangues prevail gainst harlotry , while thou art clad so thin , that through thy cobweb-robe we see thy skin as thou declaim'st — fabulla is , you say , a whore — i own it ; so 's carsinia ; rank prostitutes , therefore without remorse punish the strumpets , give the law its course : but when y 'ave sentenc'd them , metellus , know they'd blush t' appear so loosly drest as you . you say the dog-star reigns , whose ●ultry fire melts you to death ev'n in that light attire ; go naked then , 't were better to be mad , ( which has a priv'ledge ) than so lewdly clad ! how wou'd our mountain sires , return'd from plow or battel , such a silken judge allow ? canst thou restore old manners , or retrench rome's pride , who com'st transparent to the bench ? this mode in which thou singly do'st appear , by thy example shall get footing here , till it has quite deprav'd the roman stock as one infected sheep confounds the flock . nor will this crime , metellus , be thy worst , no man e're reach'd the heights of vice at first : for vice like virtue by degrees must grow ; thus , from this wanton dress , metellus , thou with those polluted priests at last shall join , who female chaplets round their temples twine , and with perverted rites profane the goddess shrine . where such vile practices 'twixt males are past , as makes our matrons lewd nocturnals chast . cotyttus orgies scarce are more obscene , for thus th' effeminate priests themselves demean . with jet-black pencils one his eye-brows dyes , and adds new fire to his lascivious eyes : another in a glass - priapus swills , while twisted gold his platted tresses fills ; a female robe , and to compleat the farce , his servant not by iove but iuno swears . one holds a mirrour , pathick otho's shield , in which he view'd before he march'd to field , nor ajax with more pride his seven-fold targe did wield ▪ oh noble subject for new annals fit , in musty fame's records unmention'd yet ! a looking-glass must load th' imperial car , the most important carriage of the war ! galba to kill he thought a gen'ral's part , but , as a courtier , us'd the nicest art to keep his skin from tan : before the fight wou'd paint , and set his soil'd complexion right . a softness which semiramis ne're knew , when once she had the field and foe in view , nor egypt's queen , when she from actium flew . no chast discourse their festivals afford , obsceneness is the language of their board : soft lisping tones , taught by some bald-pate priest , for skillful palate , master of the feast . a pack of prostitutes , un-nerv'd , and rife for th' operation of a phrygian knife ; for from such pathicks 't were but just to take those manly parts , of which no use they make . gracchus , 't is said , gave to his trumpeter four hundred sesterce's — for what ? — in dow'r . the motion 's lik'd , the parties are agreed ; and for performance seal a formal deed ; guests are bespoke , a wedding-supper made , the wonted joy is wisht , that done — the he-bride in his bridegroom's arms is laid ! o peers of rome ! need these stupendious times a censer or aruspex for such crimes ? the prodigy less monstrous wou'd appear , if women calves , or heifers lambs shou'd bear ! in bridal robe and veil the pathick's drest , who bore the pondrous shield at m●rs his feast . father of rome , say what detested clime taught latian shepherds so abhorr'd a crime ? say , thundring mars , from whence the nettle sprung , whose venom first thy noble offspring stung ? behold ! a man by birth and fortune great weds with a man ; yet from th' etherial seat no ratling of thy brazen wheels we hear , nor is earth pierc'd with thy avenging spear ! oh! if thy jurisdiction ( mars ) falls short to punish mischiefs of so vast import , complain to iove , and move the higher court. for shame redress this scandal , or resign thy province to some pow'r that 's more divine . to morrow early in quirinus vale i must attend — why ? — thereby hangs a tale , a male-friend's to be marry'd to a male. 't is true the wedding 's carry'd privately , the parties being at present somewhat shy ; but that they own the match , e're long you 'll hear , and see it in the publick register . but one sore grief does ●hese he● brides perplex ; though they deb●●e , they cannot change their sex ; nor yet , by help of all their wicked art , bring offspring to secure their husband's heart . nature too much i' th' dire embrace is forc'd , but ne're joins influence with desires so curs'd : incestuous births , and monst●rs may appear , but teeming males not earth nor hell can bear . yet gra●●hus , thou degen'rate son of fame , thy pranks are stigmatiz'd with greater blame : theirs was a priva●e , thine an open shame . who like a fencer on a publick stage , hast made thy self the scandal of the age. nor can ro●●●'s noblest blood with thine compare , while thou ma●'st p●stime for the theatre . to what dir● 〈◊〉 can we assign these crimes , but to that reigning atheism of the times ? ghosts , stygian lakes , and frogs with croaking note , and charon wafting souls in leaky boat , are now thought fables , to fright fools conceiv'd . or children , and by children scarce believ'd . yet give thou credit . what can we suppose the temperate curii , and the scipio's ; what will fabricius or camillus think , when they behold , from their elisium's brink , an atheist's soul to last perdition sink ? how will they from th' assaulted banks rebound , and wish for sacred rites to purge th' unhallow'd ground . in vain , o rome ! thou dost thy conquest boast beyond the orcades short-nighted coast , since free the conquer'd provinces remain from crimes that thy imperial city stain : yet rumour speaks , if we may credit fame , of one armenian youth , who since he came has learn'd the impious trade ; and does exceed the lewdest pathicks of our roman breed . blessings of commerce ! he was sent , 't is said , for breeding hither : and he 's fairly bred . fly foreign youths from our polluted streets , and , e're unman'd , regain your native seats ; lest , while for traffick here too long you stay , you learn at last to trade th' italian way ; and , with curs'd merchandise returning home , stock all your country with the figs of rome . the end of the second satyr . explanatory notes on the second satyr . suppos'd by some , to be caesar , pompey , and crassus ; but by others ( more probably ) augustus , anthony , and lepidus . the lex iulia against adultery . viz. deform'd , and so resembling domitian . the law so called , from scantinius , against whom it was put in execution . suppos'd to be the colledge of priests , appointed by domitian to celebrate the quinquatria to minerva . perverted rites . because here women were excluded from the mysteries , as men were elsewhere from ceres's worship . cotyttus orgies . the goddess of impudence worshipp'd at athens . a strumpet in her life time , that us'd to dance naked with most obscene gestures . an instance of extraordinary effeminacy , it being the custom for only women to swear by goddesses ; the men by iove , hercules , &c. alluding to the priests of the phrygian goddesses , who were castrated . viz. the one to punish , the other to expiate such unnatural crimes . he means one of the salii , or priests of mars , who carry'd his shield and implements , and was brawny enough to dance under them at his festival . c●elestia martis arma ferunt salii . ov. fast. . mars , father of romulus , who founded rome . emrods , call'd in latin , ficus . the third satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the third satyr . the story of this satyr speaks it self . umbritius , the suppos'd friend of juvenal , and himself a poet , is leaving rome ; and retiring to cumae . our author accompanies him out of town . before they take leave of each other , umbritius tells his friend the reasons which oblige him to lead a private life , in an obscure place . he complains that an honest man cannot get his bread at rome . that none but flatterers make their fortunes there : that grecians and other foreigners , raise themselves by those sordid arts which he describes , and against which ●e bitterly inveighs . he reckons up the several inconveniencies which arise from a city life ; and the many dangers which attend it . upbraids the noblemen with covetousness , for not rewarding good poets ; and arraigns the government for starving them . the great art of this satyr is particularly shown , in common places ; and drawing in as many vices , as cou'd naturally fall into the compass of it . the third satyr . griev'd tho i am , an ancient friend to lose , i like the solitary seat he chose : in quiet cumae fixing his repose : where , far from noisy rome secure he lives , and one more citizen to sybil gives . the road to bajae , and that soft recess which all the gods with all their bounty bless . tho i in prochyta with greater ease cou'd live , than in a street of palaces . what scene so de●art , or so full of fright , as tow'ring houses tumbling in the night , and rome on fire beheld by its own blazing light ? but worse than all , the clatt'ring tiles ; and worse than thousand padders , is the poet's curse . rogues that in dog-days cannot rhime forbear ; but without mercy read , and make you hear . now while my friend just ready to depart , was packing all his goods in one poor cart ; he stopp'd a little at the conduit-gate , where numa modell'd once the roman state , in mighty councels with his nymphs retir'd : though now the sacred shades and founts are hir'd by banish'd jews , who their whole wealth can lay in ● smal● basket , on a wisp of hay ▪ yet such our avarice is , that every tree pays for his head ; not sleep it self is free : nor place ▪ nor persons now are sacred held ▪ from their own grove the muses are expell'd . into this lonely vale our steps we bend , i and my sullen discontented friend : the marble caves , and aquaeducts we view ; but how adult , rate now , and different from the true ! how much mor● beauteous had the fountain been embellish't with her first created green , where crystal streams through living turf had run ▪ contented with an urn of native stone ! then thus vmbricius , ( with an angry frown , and looking back on this degen'rate town , ) since noble arts in rome have no suppor● , and ragged virtue not a friend at court , no profit rises from th' ungrateful stage , my poverty encreasing with my age , 't is time to give my just disdain a vent , and , cursing , leave so base a government . where dedal●● his borrow'd wings laid by ▪ to that obscure , retreat i chuse to fly : while yet few furrows on my face are seen , while i walk upright , and old age is green , and lachesis has somewhat left to spin . now , now ' tis● time to quit this cursed place ; and hide from villains my too honest face : here let arturius live , and such as he ; such manners will with such a town agree . knaves who in full assemblies have the knack of turning truth to lies , and white to black : can hire large houses , and oppress the poor by farm'd excise ; can cleanse the common-shoare ; and rent the fishery ; can bear the dead ; and teach their eyes dissembled tears to shed : all this for gain ; for gain they sell their very head. these fellows ( see what fortune's pow'r can do ) were once the minstrels of a country show : follow'd the priz●s through each paltry town , by trumpet-cheek● , and bloated faces known . but now , grown rich , on drunken holy-days , at their own costs exhibit publick plays ; where influenc'd by the rabble's bloody will , with thumbs bent back , they popularly kill . from thence return'd , their sordid avarice rake● in excrements again , and hires the jakes . why hire they not the town , not ev'ry thing , since such as they have fortune in a string ? who , for her pleasure , can her fools advance ; and toss 'em topmost on the wheel of chance . what 's rome to me , what bus'ness have i there , i who can neither lye nor falsly swear ? nor praise my patron 's undeserving rhimes , nor yet comply with him , nor with his times ; unskill'd in schemes by planets to foreshow like canting rascals , how the wars will go ▪ i neither will , nor can prognosticate to the young gaping heir , his father's fate ▪ nor in the en●rails of a toad have pry'd , nor carry'd bawdy presents to a bride ▪ for want of these town virtues , thus , alone , i go conducted on my way by none : like a dead member from the body rent ; maim'd and unuseful to the government . who now is lov'd , but he who loves the times , conscious of close intrigues ▪ and dipt in crimes : lab'ring with secrets which his bosom burn , yet never must ●o publick light return ; they get reward alone who can betray : for keeping honest counsels none will pay . he who can verres , when he will , accuse , the purse of verres may at pleasure use : but let not all the gold which tagus hides , and pays the sea in tributary tides , be bribe sufficient to corrupt thy breast ; or violate with dreams thy peaceful rest . great men with jealous eyes the friend behold , whose secrecy they purchase with their gold. i haste to tell thee , nor shall shame oppose , what confidents our wealthy romans chose : and whom i most abhor : to speak my mind , i hate , in rome , a grecian town to find : to see the scum of greece transplanted here , receiv'd like gods , is what i cannot bear . nor greeks alone , but syrians here abound , obscene orontes diving under ground , conveys his wealth to tyber's hungry shoars , and fattens italy with foreign whores : hether their crooked harps and customs come ; all find receipt in hospitable rome . the barbarous harlots croud the publick place : go fools , and purchase an unclean embrace ; the painted mitre court , and the more painted face . old romulus , and father mars look down , your herdsman primitive , your homely clown is turn'd a beau in a loose ●awdry gown . his once unke●●'d , and horrid locks , behold stilling sweet oyl ; his neck inchain'd with gold : aping the foreigners , in ev'ry dress ; which , bought at greater cost , becomes him less . mean time they wisely leave their native land , from sycion , samos , and from al●band , and amydon , to rome they swarm in shoals ▪ so sweet and easie is the gain from fools . poor refugies at first , they purchase here : and , soon as denizen'd , they domineer . grow to the great , a flatt'ring servile rout : work themselves inward ▪ and their patrons out ▪ quick witted , brazen-●ac'd , with fluent tongues ▪ patient of labours , and dissembling wrongs . riddle me this , and guess him if you can , who bears a nation in a single man ? a cook , a conjurer , a rhetorician ▪ a painter , 〈◊〉 , a geometrician , a dancer on the ropes , and a physician . all things the hungry greek exactly knows : and bid him go to heav'n , to heav'n he goes . in short , no s●y●hian . moor , or thr●cian born , but in that town which arms and arts adorn . shall he be pla●'d above me at the board , in purple cloath'd ▪ and lolling like a lord ? shall he before me ●ign , whom t'other day a small-craft vesse● hi●her did convey ; where , stow'd 〈◊〉 prunes ▪ and rotten figs , he lay ? how little is 〈◊〉 priviledge become of being born a citizen of rome ! the greeks get all by fulsom flatteries ; a most peculiar stroke they have at lies . they make a wit of th●●r insipid friend ; his blobber-lips and beetle-brows commend : his long crane neck , and narrow shoulders 〈◊〉 ; you 'd think they were describing hercules . a creaking voice for a clear tr●bble goes ; tho harsher than a cock that treads and crows . we can as grosly praise ; but , to our grief , no flatt'ry but from grecia●s gains belief . besides these qualities , we must agree they mimick better on the stage than we : the wife , the whore , the shepherdess they play , in such a free , and such a graceful way , that we believe a very woman shown ; and fancy something unde●neath the gown . but not 〈◊〉 , nor s●ra●●cl●s , our ears and ravish'd eyes can only please : the nation is compos'd of such as these . all greece is one comm●dian : laugh , and they return it louder than an as● can bray : grieve , and they grieve ; if you weep silently , there seems a silent eccho in their eye : they cannot mourn like you ; but they can cry. call for a fire , their winter clo●●hs they take : begin but you to shiver , and they shake : in frost and snow , if you complain of heat , they rub th' unswea●ing brow , and swear th●y sw●eat . we live not on the square with such as th●s● : such are our betters who can better please : who day and night are like a looking-glass ; still ready to reflect their patron 's face . the panegyrick hand , and lifted eye , prepar'd for some new piece of flattery . ev'n nastiness , occasions will afford : they praise a belching , or well-pissing lord. besides there 's nothing sacred , nothing free from bold attempts of their rank leachery . through the whole family their labours run ; the daughter is debauch'd , the wife is won ; nor scapes the bridegroom , or the blooming son. if none they find for their lewd purpose fit , they with the walls and very floors commit . they search the secrets of the house , and so are worshipp'd there , and fear'd for what they know . and , now we talk of grecians , cast a view on what , in schools , their men of morals do : a rigid stoick his own pupil slew . a friend , against a friend , of his own cloath , turn'd evidence , and murther'd on his oath . what room is left for romans , in a town where grecians rule , and cloaks control the gown ? some diphilus , or some protogenes , look sharply out , our senators to seize : engross 'em wholly , by their native art , and fear no rivals in their bubbles heart : one drop of poison in my patron 's ear , one slight suggestion of a senseless fear , infus'd with cunning , serves to ruine me : disgrac'd and banish'd from the family . in vain forgotten services i boast ; my long dependance in an hour is lost : look round the world , what country will appear , where friends are left with greater ease than here ? at rome ( nor think me partial to the poor ) all offices of ours are out of door : in vain we rise , and to their levees run ; my lord himself is up , before , and gone : the praetor bids his lictors mend their pace ; lest his collegue outstrip him in the race : the childless matrons are , long since , awake ; and , for affronts , the tardy visits take . 't is frequent , here , to see a free-born son on the left-hand of a rich hireling run : because the wealthy rogue can throw away , for half a brace of bouts , a tribune's pay : but you , poor sinner , tho you love the vice , and like the whore , demurr upon the price : and , frighted with the wicked sum , forbear to lend a hand , and help her from the chair . produce a witness of unblemish'd life , holy as numa , or as numa's wife , or him who bid th' unhallow'd flames retire ; and snatch'd the trembling goddess from the fire : the question is not put how far extends his piety , but what he yearly spends : quick , to the bus'ness ; how he lives and eats ; how largely gives , how splendidly he treats : how many thousand acres feed his sheep , what are his rents , what servants does he keep ? th' account is soon cast up ; the judges rate our credit in the court , by our estate . swear by our gods , or those the g●eeks adore , thou art as sure forsworn , as thou art poor : the poor must gain their bread by perjury : and even the gods , that other means deny , in conscience must absolve 'em , when they lye . add , that the rich have still a gibe in store : and will be monstrous witty on the poor : for the torn surtout and the ●atter'd vest , the wretch and all his wardrobe are a jest : the greasie gown , s●lly'd with often turning , gives a good hint , to say the man 's in mourning : or if the shoo be ript , or patches put , he 's wounded ! see the plaister on his foot. want is the scorn of ev'ry wealthy fool : and wit in rags is turn'd to ridicule . pack hence , and from the cover'd benches rise , ( the master of the ceremonies cries ) this is no place for you , whose small estate is not the value of the settled rate : the sons of happy punks , the pandars heir , are priviledg'd to sit in triumph there ; to clap the first , and rule the theatre . up to the galleries , for shame , retreat : for , by the roscian law , the poor can claim no seat. who ever brought to his rich daughter's bed the man that poll'd but twelve-pence for his head ? who ever nam'd a poor man for his heir ▪ or call'd him to assist the judging chair ? the poor were wise , who by the rich oppress'd , withdrew , and sought a sacred place of rest. once they did well , to free themselves from scorn ; but had done better never to return . rarely they rise by virtues aid , who lie plung'd in the d●pth of helpless poverty . at rome 't is worse : where house-rent by the year , and servants bellies cost so dev'llish dear ; and tavern bills run high for hungry chear . to drink or eat in earthen ware we scorn , which cheaply country cupboards does adorn : and coarse blew hoods on holydays are worn . some distant parts of italy are known , where none , but only dead men , wear a gown : on theatres of turf , in homely state , old plays they act , old feasts they celebrate : the same rude song returns upon the crowd ; and , by tradition , is for wit allow'd . the mimick yearly gives the same delights : and in the mother's arms the clownish infant frights . their habits ( undistinguish'd , by degree ) are plain , alike ; the same simplicity , both on the stage , and in the pit , you see . in his white cloak the magistrate appears ; the country bumpkin the same liv'ry wears . but here , attir'd beyond our purse we go , for useless ornament and flaunting show : we ●ake on ●rust , in purple robes to shine ; and poor , are yet ambitious to be fine . this is a common vice ; tho all things here are sold , and sold unconscionably dear . what will you give that cossus may but view your face , and in the crowd distinguish you ; may take your incense like a gracious god ; and answer only with a civil nod ? to please our patrons , in this vicious age , we make our entrance by the fav'rite page : shave his first down , and when he polls his hair , the consecrated locks to temples bear : pay tributary cracknels , which he sells ; and , with our offerings , help to raise his va●ls . who fears , in country towns , a house's fall , or to be caught betwixt a riven wall ? but we inhabit a weak city , here ; which buttresses and props but scarcely bear : and 't is the village masons daily calling , to keep the world's metropolis from falling . to cleanse the gutters , and the chinks to close ; and , for one night , secure his lord's repose . at cumae we can sleep , quite round the year : nor falls , nor fires , nor nightly dangers fear ; while rolling flames from roman turrets fly , and the pale citizens for buckets cry . thy neighbour has remov'd his wretched store ( few hands will rid the lumber of the poor ) thy own third story smoaks ; while thou , supine , art drench'd in fumes of undigested wine . for if the lowest floors already burn , cock-lofts and garrets soon will take the turn . where thy tame pidgeons next the tiles were bred , which in their nests unsafe , are timely fled . codrus had but one bed , so short to boot , that his short wife 's short legs hung dangling out ▪ his cup-board's head , six earthen pitchers grac'd , beneath 'em was his trusty tankard plac'd : and , to support this noble plate , there lay a bending chiron cast from honest clay : his few greek books a rotten chest contain'd ; whose covers much of mouldiness complain'd : where mice and rats devour'd poetick bread ; and with heroick verse luxuriously were fed . 't is true , poor codrus nothing had to boast , and yet poor codrus all that nothing lost . beg'd naked through the streets of wealthy rome ; and found not one to feed , or take him home . but if the palace of arturius burn , the nobles change their cloaths , the matrons mourn ; the city praetor will no pleadings hear ; the very name of fire we hate and fear : and look agast , as if the gauls were here . while yet it burns , th' officious nation flies , some to condole , and some to bring supplies : one sends him marble to rebuild ; and one white naked statues of the parian stone : the work of polyclete , that seem to live ; while others , images for altars give : one books and skreens , and pallas to the brest ; another bags of gold ; and he gives best . childless arturius , vastly rich before , thus by his losses multiplies his store : suspected for accomplice to the fire , that burnt his palace but to build it higher . but , cou'd you be content to bid adieu to the dear play-house , and the players too , sweet country seats are purchas'd ev'ry where , with lands and gardens , at less price , than here you hire a darksom doghole by the year . a small convenience , decently prepar'd , a shallow well , that rises in your yard , that spreads his easie crystal streams around ; and waters all the pretty spot of ground . there , love the fork ; thy garden cultivate ; and give thy frugal friends a pythagorean treat . 't is somewhat to be lord of some small ground ; in which a lizard may , at least , turn round . 't is frequent , here , for want of sleep to dye ; which fumes of undigested feasts deny ; and , with imperfect heat , in languid stomachs fry . what house secure from noise the poor can keep , when ev'n the rich can scarce afford to sleep ? so dear it costs to purchase rest in rome ; and hence the sources of diseases come . the drover who his fellow-drover meets , in narrow passages of winding streets ; the waggoners , that curse their standing teams , wou'd wake ev'n drousie drusus from his dreams . and yet the wealthy will not brook delay ; but sweep above our heads , and make their way ; in lofty litters born , and read , and write , or sleep at ease : the shutters make it night . yet still he reaches , first , the publick place : the prease before him stops the client's pace . the crowd that follows , crush his panting sides : and trip his heels ; he walks not , but he rides . one ●lbows him , one justles in the shole : a rafter breaks his head , or chairman's pole : stockin'd with loads of fat town-dirt he goes ; and some rogue-souldier , with his hob-nail'd shoos , indents his legs behind in bloody rows . see with what smoke our doles we celebrate : a hundred ghests , invited , walk in state : a hundred hungry slaves , with their dutch kitchins wait . huge pans the wretches on their heads must bear ; which scarce gygantick corbulo cou'd rear : yet they must walk upright beneath the load ; nay run , and running , blow the sparkling flames abroad . their coats , from botching newly brought , are torn : unweildy timber-trees , in waggons born , stretch'd at their length , beyond their carriage lye ; that nod , and threaten ruin from on high . for , shou'd their axel break , its overthrow wou'd crush , and pound to dust , the crowd below : nor friends their friends , nor sires their sons cou'd know : nor limbs , nor bones , nor carcass wou'd remain ; but a mash'd heap , a hotchpotch of the slain . one vast destruction ; not the soul alone , but bodies , like the soul , invisible are flown . mean time , unknowing of their fellows fate , the servants wash the platter , scour the plate , then blow the fire , with puffing cheeks , and lay the rubbers , and the bathing-sheets display ; and oyl them first ; and each is handy in his way . but he , for whom this busie care they take , poor ghost , is wandring by the stygian lake : affrighted with the ferryman's grim face ; new to the horrours of that uncouth place : his passage begs with unreguarded pray'r : and wants two farthings to discharge his fare . return we to the dangers of the night ; and , first , behold our houses dreadful height : from whence come broken potsherds tumbling down ; and leaky ware , from garret windows thrown : well may they break our heads , that mark the flinty stone . ●tis want of sence to sup abroad too late ; unless thou first hast settled thy estate . as many fates attend , thy steps to meet , as there are waking windows in the street . bless the good gods , and think thy chance is rare to have a piss-pot only for thy share . the scouring drunkard , if he does not fight before his bed-time , takes no rest that night . passing the tedious hours in greater pain than stern achilles , when his friend was slain : 't is so ridiculous , but so true withall , a bully cannot sleep without a braul . yet tho his youthful blood be fir'd with wine , he wants not wit , the danger to decline : is cautious to avoid the coach and six , and on the lacquies will no quarrel fix . his train of flambeaus , and embroider'd coat may priviledge my lord to walk secure on foot. but me , who must by moon-light homeward bend , or lighted only with a candle's end , poor me he fights , if that be fighting , where he only cudgels , and i only bear . he stands , and bids me stand : i must abide ; for he 's the stronger , and is drunk beside . where did you whet your knife to night , he cries , and shred the leeks that in your stomach rise ? whose windy beans have stuff't your guts , and where have your black thumbs been dipt in vinegar ? with what companion cobler have you fed , on old ox-cheeks , or he-goats tougher head ? what , are you dumb ? quick with your answer , quick ; before my foot salutes you with a kick. say , in what nasty cellar , under ground , or what church-porch your rogueship may be found ? answer , or answer not , 't is all the same : he lays me on , and makes me bear the blame . before the bar , for beating him , you come ; this is a poor man's liberty in rome . you beg his pardon ; happy to retreat with some remaining teeth , to chew your meat . nor is this all : for , when retir'd , you think to sleep securely ; when the candles wink , when every door with iron chains is barr'd , and roaring taverns are no longer heard ; the ruffian robbers , by no justice aw'd , and unpaid cut-throat soldiers are abroad . those venal souls , who harden'd in each ill to save complaints and prosecution , kill . chas'd from their woods and bogs the padders come to this vast city , as their native home : to live at ease , and safely sculk in rome . the forge in fetters only is employ'd ; our iron mines exhausted and destroy'd in shackles ; for these villains scarce allow goads for the teams , and plough-shares for the plough . oh happy ages of our ancestours , beneath the kings and tribunitial pow'rs ! one jayl did all their criminals restrain ; which , now , the walls of rome can scarce contain . more i cou'd say ; more causes i cou'd show for my departure ; but the sun is low : the waggoner grows weary of my stay ; and whips his horses forwards on their way . farewell ; and when , like me , o'rewhelm'd with care , you to your own aquinum shall repair , to take a mouthful of sweet country air , be mindful of your friend ; and send me word , what joys your fountains and cool shades afford : then , to assist your satyrs , i will come : and add new venom , when you write of rome . the end of the third satyr . explanatory notes on the third satyr . cvmae , a small city in campania , near puteoli , or puzzolo as it is call'd . the habitation of the c●maean sybil. bajae ; another little town in campanio , near the sea : a pleasant place . prochyta : a small barren island belonging to the kingdom of naples . in dog-days . the poets in iuvenal's time , us'd to rehearse their poetry in august . numa . the second king of rome ; who made their laws , and instituted their religion . nymph . aegeria , a nymph , or goddess ; with whom numa feign'd to converse by night ; and to be instructed by her , in modeling his superstitions . where daedalus , &c. meaning at c●m●e . lachesis ; one of the three destinies , whose office was to spin the life of every man : as it was of clotho to hold the distaff , and atropos to cut the thread . arturius . any debauch'd wicked fellow who gains by the times . with thumbs bent backward . in a prize of sword-players , when one of the fencers had the other at his mercy , the vanquish'd party implor'd the clemency of the spectators . if they thought he deserv'd it not , they held up their thumbs and bent them backwards , in sign of death . verres , praetor in sicily , contemporary with cicero ; by whom accus'd of oppressing the province , he was condemn'd : his name is u●'d here for any rich vicious man. tagus , a famous river in spain , which discharges it self into the ocean near lisbone in portugal . it was held of old , to be full of golden sands . orontes , the greatest river of syria : the p●et here puts the river for the inhabitans of syria . tyber ; the river which runs by rom● romulus ; first king of rome ; son of mars , as the poets feign , the first romans were originally herdsmen . but in that town , &c. he means athens ; of which , pallas the goddess of arms and arts was patroness . antiochus and stratocles , two famous grecian mimicks , or actors in the poet's time . a rigid stoick , &c. publius egnatius a stoick , falsly accus'd bareas soranus ; as tacitus tells us . diphilus , and protogenes , &c. were grecians living in rome . or him who had , &c. lucius metellus the high priest ; who when the temple of vesta was on fire , sav'd the palladium . for by the roscian law , &c. roscius a tribune , who order'd the distinction of places in publick shows , betwixt the noblemen of rome and the plebeians . where none but only dead men , &c. the meaning is , that men in some parts of italy never wore a gown ( the usual habit of the romans ) till they were bury'd in one . cossus is here taken for any great man. where the tame pidgeons , &c. the romans us'd to breed their ●ame pidgeons in their garrets . codrus , a learned man , very poor : by his books suppos'd to be a poet. for , in all probability , the heroick verses here mention'd , which rats and mice devour'd , were homer's works . a pythagorean treat : he means herbs , roots , fruits , and sallads . gygantick corbulo . corbulo was a famous general in nero's time , who conquerd armenia ; and was afterwards put to death by that tyrant , when he was in greece , in reward of his great services . his stature was not only tall , above the ordinary size ; but he was also proportionably strong . the ferry-man's , &c. charon the ferry-man of hell ; whose fare was a half-penny for every soul. stern achilles . the friend of achilles , was patroclus who was slain by hector . beneath the kings , &c. rome was originally rul'd by kings ; till for the rape of lucretia , tarquin the proud was expell'd . after which it was govern'd by two consuls , yearly chosen : but they oppressing the people , the commoners mutiny'd ; and procur'd tribunes to be created ; who defended their priviledges , and often oppos'd the consu ar authority , and the senate . aquinum , was the birth-place of iuvenal . the fourth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse . argument of the fourth satyr . the poet in this satyr first brings in cri●pinus , whom be had a lash at in his first satyr , and whom he promises here not to be forgetful of for the future . he exposes his monstrous prodigality and luxury in giving the price of an estate for a barbel● and from thence takes occasion to introduce the principal subject , and true design of this satyr , which is grounded upon a ridiculous story of a turbut presented to domitian , of so vast a bigness that all the emperor's scullery had not a dish large enough to bold it : upon which the senate in all haste is summon'd , to consult in this exigency , what is fittest to be done . the poet gives us a particular of the senators names , their distinct characters , and speeches , and advice ; and after much and wise consultation , an expedient being found out and agreed upon , he dismisses the senate , and concludes the satyr . the fourth satyr . once more crispinus call'd upon the stage , ( nor shall once more suffice ) provokes my rage a monster , to whom every vice lays claim without one virtue to redeem his fame . feeble and sick , yet strong in lust alone , the rank adult're● preys on all the town , all but the widows nauseous charms go down . what matter then how stately is the arch where his tir'd mules flow with their burden march ? what matter then how thick and long the shade through which by sweating slaves he is convey'd ? how many acres near the city walls , or new-built palaces his own he calls ? no ill man's happy : least of all is he whose study 't is to corrupt chastity ; the incestuous brute , who the veil'd vestal maid but lately to his impious bed betray'd , who for her crime , if laws their course might have , ought to descend alive into the grave . but now of slighter faults ; and yet the same by others done , the censors justice claim . for what good men ignoble count and base , is virtue here , and does crispinus grace : in this ●e's safe whate'er 〈…〉 the person is more odious than the crime . and so all satyr's lost . the lavish slave six thousand pieces for a barbel gave , a sesterce for each pound it weigh'd , as they give out that hear great things , but greater say . if by this bribe well-plac'd , he would ●nsnare some sapless usurer that wants an heir , or if this present the sly cou●●●● meant , should to some punk of quality be 〈◊〉 , that in her easie chair in state does ride , the glasses all drawn up on ev'ry side , i 'd praise his cunning ; but expect not this , for his own gut he bought the stately fish. now even apicius frugal seems , and poor , outvy'd in luxury unknown before . gave you , crispinus , you this mighty sum ? you , that , for want of other rags , did come in your own country paper wrapp'd , to rome . do scales and fins bear price to this excess ? you might have bought the fisherman for less . for less some provinces whole 〈…〉 nay in apulia , if you bargain well , a mannor wou'd cost less than such a 〈◊〉 what think we then of his luxurious lord ? what banquers loaded that imperiall board ? when in one dish , that taken from the rest his constant table wou'd have hardly mist , so many sesterces were swallow'd down to stuff one sc●rlet coated court 〈◊〉 whom rome of all her knights now chiefest gre●●● , from crying stinking ●ish about her streets . begin , calliope , but not to sing● plain , honest truth we for our subject b●ing . help then , ye young pierian maids , to ●ell a downright narrative of what befell . afford me willingly your sacred aids , me that have call'd you young , me that have stil'd you maids . when he , with whom the 〈◊〉 race decay'd , the groaning world with iron scepter sway'd , when a bald nero reign'd , and servile rome obey'd . where venus shrine does fair ancona grace , a turbut taken of prodigious space , fill'd the extended net , not less than those that dull maeotis does with ice enclose , till conquer'd by the sun 's prevailing ray , it opens to the pontick sea their way ; and throws them out unweildy with their growth ; fat with long ease , and a whole winte●'s sloth . the wise commander of the boat and lines , for our high priest the stately prey designs ; for who that lordly fish durst sell or buy , so many spies and court-informers nigh ? no shoar but of this vermin swarms does bear , searchers of mud and sea-weed ! that would swear the fish had long in caesar's ponds been fed , and from its lord undutifully fled ; so , justly ought to be again restor'd : nay , if you credit sage palphurius word , or dare rely on armillatus skill , whatever fish the vulgar fry excel belong to caesar , wheresoe'er they swim , by their own worth confiscated to him . the boatman then shall a wise present make , and give the fish before the seizers take . now sickly autumn to dry frosts gave way , cold winter rag'd , and fresh preserv'd the prey , yet with such haste the busie fisher flew , as if a hot south wind corruption blew : and now he reach'd the lake , where what remains of alba , still her antient rites retains , still worships vesta , tho an humbler way , nor lets the hallow'd trojan fire decay . the wond'ring crowd that to strange sights resort , and choak'd a while his passage to the court , at length gives way ; ope flies the pallace-gate , the turbut enters in , without the fathers wait . the boatman straight does to aftrides press , and thus presents his fish , and his address . accept , dread sir , this tribute from the main , too great for private kitchins to contain . to your glad genius sacrifice this day , let common meats respectfully give way . haste to unload your stomach to receive this turbut , that for you did only live , so long preserv'd to be imperial food , glad of the net , and to be taken proud . how fulsom this ! how gross ! yet this takes well , and the vain prince with empty pride does swell . nothing so monstrous can be said or feign'd but with belief and joy is entertain'd , when to his face the worthless wretch is prais'd , whom vile court-flattery to a god has rais'd . but oh hard fate ! the palace stores no dish afford capacious of the mighty fish. to sage debate are summon'd all the peers his trusty and much hated councellors , in whose pale look that ghastly terror sat that haunts the dangerous friendships of the great . the loud liburnian that the senate call'd , run , run , he 's set , he 's set , no sooner baul'd , but with his robe snatch'd up in haste , does come pegasus , bailiff of affrighred rome . what more were praefects then ? the best he was , and faithfullest expounder of the laws . yet in ill times thought all things manag'd best , when justice exercis'd her sword the least . old crispus next , pleasant tho' old , appears , his wit , nor humour , yielding to his years . his temper mild , good nature joyn'd with sense , and manners charming as his eloquence . who fitter for a useful friend than he , to the great ruler of the earth and sea , if as his thoughts were just his tongue were free if it were safe to vent his generous mind to rome's dire plague and terrour of mankind ▪ if cruel power could softning councel bear , but what 's so tender as a tyrant's ear ? with whom whoever , tho a fav'rite spake , at every sentence set his life at stake , tho the discourse were of no weightier things , than sultry summers or unhealthful springs . this well he knew , and therefore never try'd , with his weak arms to stem the stronger tyde . nor did all rome , grown spiritless , supply a man that for bold truth durst bravely dye . so safe by wise complying silence , he ev'n in that court did fourscore summers see . next him acilius , tho his age the same , with eager haste to the grand councel came . with him a youth , unworthy of the fate that did too near his growing virtues wait , urg'd by the tyrant's envy , fear , or hate . ( but 't is long since old age began to be in noble blood no less than prodigy , whence 't is i 'd rather be of gyants birth a pigmy-brother to those sons of earth . ) unhappy youth ! whom from his destin'd end no well dissembled madness could defend ; when naked in the alban theater , in lybian bears he fixt his hunting spear . who sees not now through the lord 's thin disguise that long seem'd fools to prove at last more wise ? that state-court trick is now too open laid , who now admires the part old brutus play'd ? those honest times might swallow this pretence when the king's beard was deeper than his sence . next rubrius came , tho not of noble race , with equal marks of terror in his face . pale with the gnawing guilt and inward shame of an old crime that is not fit to name . worse , yet in scandal taking more delight , than the vile pathick that durst satyr write . montanus belly next , advancing slow before the sweating senator did go . crispinus after , but much sweeter comes , sented with costly oyls and eastern gums , more than would serve two funerals for perfumes . then pompey , none more skill'd in the court game of cutting throats with a soft whisper , came . next fuscus , he who many a peaceful day for dacian vultures was reserv'd a prey , till having study'd war enough at home , he led abroad th' unhappy arms of rome . cunning vejento next , and by his side bloody catullus , leaning on his guide , decrepit , yet a furious lover he , and deeply smit with charms he could not see . a monster , that even this worst age outvies , conspicuous , and above the common size . a blind base flatterer , from some bridge or gate rais'd to murdering minister of state. deserving still to beg upon the road , and bless each passing waggon and its load ! none more admir'd the fish ; he in its praise with zeal his voice , with zeal his hands did raise , but to the left all his fine things did say , whilst on his right the unseen turbut lay . so he the fam'd cilician fencer prais'd , and at each hit with wonder seem'd amaz'd . so did the scenes and stage machines admire , and boys that flew through canvas clouds in wyre . nor came vejento short ; but as inspir'd by thee , bellona , by thy fury fir'd , turns prophet : see , the mighty omen , see , he cries , of some illustrious victory ! some captive king , thee his new lord shall own . or from his brittish chariot headlong thrown the proud arviragus came tumbling down ! the monsters forreign . mark the pointed spears that from thy hand on his pierc'd back he wears ? who nobler could , or plainer things presage ? yet one thing scap'd him , the prophetick rage shew'd not the turbut's country , not its age. at length by caesar the grand question 's put : my lords , your judgment : shall the fish be cut ? far be it , far from us ! montanus cries , let 's not dishonour thus the noble prize ! a pot of finest earth , thin , deep , and wide some skilful quick prometheus must provide . clay and the forming wheel prepare with speed ! but , caesar , be it from henceforth decreed , that potters on the royal progress wait t' assist in these emergencies of state. this council pleas'd ; nor cou'd it fail to take so fit , so worthy of the man that spake . the old court riots he remember'd well , could tales of nero's midnight suppers tell , when falern wines the lab'ring lungs did fire , and to new dainties kindled false desire . in arts of eating none more early train'd , none in my time had equal skill attain'd . he whither circe's rock his oysters bore , or lucrine lake , or the rutupian shoar knew at first taste , nay at first sight cou'd tell a crab or lobster's country by its shell . they rise , and straight all with respectful awe , at the word given , obsequiously withdraw , whom full of eager haste , surprise , and fear , our mighty prince had summon'd to appear ; as if some news he 'd of the catti tell , or that the fierce sicambrians did rebel : as if expresses from all parts had come with fresh alarms threatning the fate of rome . what folly this ! but oh ! that all the rest of his dire reign had thus been spent in jest ! and all that time such trifles had employ'd in which so many nobles he destroy'd ! he safe , they unreveng'd , to the disgrace of the surviving , tame , patrician race ! but when he dreadful to the rabble grew , him , who so many lords had slain , they slew . the end of the fourth satyr . explanatory notes on the fourth satyr . if laws their course , &c. ought to descend , &c. crispinus had deflour'd a vestal virgin , but by his favour with domitian , she escap'd the punishment due to her offence ; which was to be bury'd alive by numa's law ; as may be seen in livy , l. . and is more particularly describ'd in plutarch's life of numa . six thousand pieces six thousand of the roman sestertii , which makes six sestertia , according to our account , l. s. d. now even apicius . a man for gluttony and prodigality famous even to a proverb , who having spent most of his vast estate upon his gut , for fear of want poison'd himself , senec. nay in apulia . part of italy , near the adriatick gulf , where land it seems , was very cheap , either for the barrenness and cragged heighth of the mountains , or for the unwholsomness of the air , and the wind atabulus . horac . lib. . sat. . montes apulia notos — quos torret atabulus & quos nunquam erepsemus , &c. his luxurious lord. the emperor domitian . the flavian race decay'd . domitian was the last and worst of the flavian family , which tho at first obscure , yet had produc'd great and good men. reipublica nequaquam paenitenda , says sueton. . for of this family were vespasian and titus . a bald nero. domitian , who could not so much as bear with patience the mention of baldness ▪ tho in jest only , and objected to another , as suetonius in his life tells us . and who , for his cruelty , is here call'd a second nero. our high priest , the emperor domitian call'd so , either from his instituting the colledge of the alban priests , of whom he was as it were , chief ; or for taking upon him the office of pontifex maximus in the condemnation of the vestal virgin cornetia ; or , more generally , because often the emperors assum'd both the title and office of high priest. palphurius and armillatus . both men of consular degree : lawyers , and spies , and informers , and so favourites of domitian . what remains of alba , &c. alba longa built by ascanius , about fifteen miles from rome , was destroy'd after by tullus hostilius , the temples only excepted , ( liv. l. . ) the albans upon this their misfortunes neglecting their worship , were by sundry prodigies commanded to restore their ancient rites , the chief of which was the keeping perpetually burning the vestal fire , which was brought thither by aenaeas and his trojans as a fatal pledge of the perpetuity of the roman empire . tho an humbler way . there was a more stately temple erected to vesta at rome by numa , than this of alba , where the same ceremonies were us'd . the fathers . the senate always so call'd . patres conscripti . the lowd liburnian . some say that of the people of this country , which is a part of illyricum , the romans made their cryers , because of their lowd voyces . others take liburnus for the proper name of one man — liburnus that the senate call'd . pegasus , bailiff . a citizen of alba , a very learned lawyer , and praefect or chief magistrate of rome . he calls him here bayliff : as if rome , by domitian's cruelty , had so far lost its liberty and priviledges , that it now was no better than a country village , and fit to be govern'd by no better than a bayliff . old crispus , ( vibius crispus . ) this was he that made the known jest upon domitian's killing flies . when one day domitian being alone in his closet , and being ask'd whether there was any one left within with the emperor , he answer'd no , not so much as a fly. the names and characters of most of these senators here mention'd may be found in suetonius ' life of domitian , and in tacitus . of giants birth . of an obscure and unknown family . the part old brutus play'd . 't is a known story , how brutus finding that his own brother and some of the most considerable men of rome had been put to death by tarquinius superbus , counterfeited himself a madman or fool , and so avoided the tyrant's cruelty , till he had gain'd a fit time to destroy him , revenge his brother's and countrymens deaths , and free rome . when the king's beard . in those antient and more simple times , when it was the custom never to shave their beards : for years there was no such thing as a barber heard of in rome . tho not of noble race , with equal marks of terror . for domitian's cruelty reach'd even to the common people , and those of lower birth , which ( in the end of this satyr ) the poet tells us , caus'd his destruction . the vile pathick . nero , who wrote a satyr upon quintianus , whom he charges with his own prof●igate lewdness , and debauchery . tacit. annal. . for dacian vultures . cornelius fuscus , a noble man of no manner of experience , or more knowledge in war affairs than what he had study'd in his own country retirement , was yet by domitian twice sent with an army against the dacians , in the last of which his army was defeated , and himself slain . from bridge or gate . the common stands for beggars . the proud arviragus . one of the ancient brittish kings . mark the pointed spears . he makes the flatterer call the sharp fins rising on the fishes back , spears ; and to signifie and portend that domitian shall stick the like in some foreign enemy . some skilful quick prometheus . some skilful potter . alluding to the old fable of prometheus , whose skill in this art was such , that he made a man of clay . circe's rock . the cirecean promontory , nam'd from circe that liv'd there , on the shore of campania . the lucrine lake . between bajae and puteoli . the rutupian shore . rutupae or rutupi , an antient towns name on the kentish shoar , suppos'd to be our richborough . these were all famous in those times for oysters . the fifth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. w. bowles . argument of the fifth satyr . the poet disswades a parasite from frequenting the tables of great men , where he is certain to be treated with the highest scorn and contempt : and , at the same time , inveighs against the luxury and insolence of the roman nobility . the fifth satyr . if hard'nd by affronts , and still the same , lost to all sense of honour , and of shame , thou yet canst love to haunt the great man's board , and think no supper good but with a lord : if yet thou canst hold out , and suffer more , than lewd sarmentus , or vile galba bore , thy solemn oath ought to be set aside : but sure the belly 's easily supply'd . suppose , what frugal nature wou'd suffice , suppose that wanting , hunger is not nice . is no bridge vacant , no convenient seat , where thou may'st cringe , and gnaw thy broken meat , and with a matt , and crutch , and ty'd-up leg , more honestly and honourably beg ? first , if he please to say , sit down , and smile , behold the full reward of all thy to● ! all thy old services are largely paid , and thou a proud and happy man art made . see! of thy boasted friendship , see the fruits ! and these too he upbraids , and these imputes . if after two cold months thy lord think fit , his poor neglected client to admit , and say , sup with me , thou hast thy desire , be thankful , mortal , and no more require . thus blest , must trebius to his levees run , when the stars languish near the rising sun ; break off sweet slumbers , drowsie , and undrest , to shew his zeal , and to prevent the rest ; run to prevent the fawning humble train , while slow bootes drives his frozen wain . perhaps the generous entertainment may for all the state , and dear attendance pay . for him is kept a liquor more divine , you spunges must be drunk with lees of wine , drunk for your patron 's pleasure , and his jest ; then raving like a corybas possest , thou and the freed-men first begin to jarr ; from mutual jeers the prelude to the war , thou and thy fellow parisites engage , and battel with a troop of servants wage ; then glasses , and saguntine pitchers flye , and broken pates discolour'd napkins dye . while happy he , stretch'd on his couch , supine looks on with scorn , and drinks old generous wine , prest from the grape , when warlike rome was free , but kindly , never sends one glass to thee . perhaps to morrow he may change his wine , and drink old sparkling alban , or setine , whose title , and whose age , with mould o're-grown , the good old cask for ever keeps unknown : such bold helvidius drank , and thrasca crown'd with garlands , when the flowing bowls went round on brutus birth-day : and to raise delight , to please at once the taste , and charm the sight , he in bright amber drinks , or brighter gold , and cups with shining berils set does hold . thou art not suffer'd or to touch or taste ; and if thou dar'st , a guard on thee is plac'd to watch the gems . this may perhaps surprise , but , sir , you 'll pardon , they are stones of price . for virro does , as many do of late , gems from his fingers to his cups translate , which the bold youth , to dido's love preferr'd , wore on the scabbard of his shining sword. thou may'st at distance gaze , and sigh in vain , a crack'd black pot 's reserv'd for thee to drain . if his blood boil , and th' adventitious fire rais'd by high meats , and higher wines , require to temper and allay the burning heat , waters are brought , which by decoction get new coolness , such plain nature does not know , not ice so cool , nor hyperborean snow . did i complain but now , and justly too , that the same wine is not allow'd to you ? another water 's reach'd you , when you call , from hands of moorish footmen , lean and tall ; the grim attendance he assigns t' affright rather than wait ; rogues who wou'd scare by night , if met among the tombs ; the gastly slaves look as if newly started from their graves . before himself the flower of asia stands , to watch his looks , and to receive commands . a boy of such a price as had undone old roman kings , and drain'd the treasure of a crown . if thou or any of thy tribe want wine , look back , and give thy ganimedes the sign . the lovely boy , and bought at such a rate , is much too handsom , and too proud to wait on the despis'd and poor : will he descend to give a glass to a declining friend ? no , his good meen , his youth , and blooming face tempt him to think , that with a better grace himself might sit , and thou supply his place . behold there yet remains , which must be born , proud servants more insufferable scorn . with what disdain another gave thee bread ! the meanest wretches are with better fed : th' impenetrable crust thy teeth defies ; and petrify'd with age securely lies : hard , mouldy , black : if thou presume t' invade , with sacrilegious hands , thy patron 's bread , there stands a servant ready to chastise your insolence , and teach you to be wise. will you , a bold intruder , ever learn to know your basket , and your bread discern ? 't is just , ye gods ! and what i well deserve , why did not i more honourably starve ? did i for this abandon wife and bed ? for this , alas ! by vain ambition led , through cold esquiliae run so oft , and bear the storms and fury of the vernal air , and then with cloak wet through attend , & dropping hair ? see! by the tallest servant born on high , a sturgeon fills the largest dish and eye ! with how much pomp he 's plac'd upon the board ! with what a tail and breast salutes his lord ! with what expence and art , how richly drest ! garnish'd with ' sparagus , himself a feast ! thou art to one small dismal dish confin'd , a crab ill drest , and of the vilest kind . he on his own fish pours the noblest oil , the product of venatrum's happy soil . that to your marcid dying herbs assign'd , by the rank smell and taste betrays its kind , by moors imported , and for lamps alone design'd . well rub'd with this when boccar comes to town , he makes the theatres and baths his own , all round from him , as from th' infected run , the poys'nous stink ev'n their own serpents shun . behold a muller ev'n from cor●u brought ! or near the rocks of ta●rominium caught . since our own seas no longer can supply , exhausted by our boundless luxury : the secret deep can no protection give , no tyrrhene fish is suffer'd now to live to his just growth . the provinces from far furnish our kitchins , and revenge our war. baits for the rich , and childless they supply ; aurelia thence must sell , and len●s buy . the largest lamprey which their seas afford is made a sacrifice to virro's board . when auster to th' aeoli●n caves retires with dropping wings , and murmuring there respires , rash daring nets , in hope of such a prize , charibdis , and the creacherous deep despise . an eel for you remains , in tiber bred , with foulest mud , and the rank ordure fed , discharg'd by common-shoars from all the town ; no secret passage was to him unknown ; in ev'ry noisom sink the serpent slept , and through dark vaults oft to suburra crept . one word to virro now , if he can bear , and 't is a truth which he 's not us'd to hear ; no man expects , ( for who so much a sot who has the times he lives in so forgot ? ) what seneca , what piso us'd to send , to raise , or to support a sinking friend . those god-like men , to wanting virtue kind , bounty well-plac'd preferr'd , and well design'd , to all their titles , all that height of pow'r , which turns the brains of fools , and fools alone adore . when your poor client is condemn'd t' attend , 't is all we ask , receive him like a friend , at least , let him be easie if you can , let him be treated like a free-born man. descend to this , and then we ask no more , rich to your self , to all beside be poor . near him is plac'd , the liver of a goose , that part alone which luxury wou'd choose , a boar intire , and worthy of the sword of meleager , smoaks upon the board ▪ next mushroms , larger when the clouds descend in fruitful show'rs , and desir'd thunders re●d the vernal air. no more plow up the ground , o lybia , where such mushroms can be ●ound , aledius cries , but furnish us with store of mushroms , and import thy corn no more ▪ mean while thy indignation yet to raise , the carver dancing round each dish surveys , with flying knife , and as his art directs , with proper gestures ev'ry fowl dissects , a thing of so great moment to their taste ▪ that one false slip had surely marr'd the feast . if thou dare murmur , if thou dare complain with freedom , like a roman gentleman , thou' rt seiz'd immediately by his commands , and drag'd , like cacus , by herculean hands , out from his presence . when does haughty he , descend to take a glass once touch'd by thee ? that wretch were lost , who shou'd presume to think he might be free , who durst say , come , sir , drink , will any freedom here from you be born , whose cloaths are thred-bare ▪ and whose cloaks are torn ? wou'd any god or god-like man below , four hundred thousand sesterces bestow ! how mightily wou'd trebius be improv'd , how much a friend to virre , how belov'd ? will trebius fat of this ? what sot attends my brother , who carves to my best of friends ? o sesterces , this honour 's done to you ! you are his friends , and you his brethren too . wouldst thou become his patron and his lord ? wouldst thou be in thy turn by him ador'd ? no young aeneas in thy hall must play , nor sweeter daughter lead thy heart astray . o how a barren wife does recommend ! how dear , how pleasant is a childless friend ? but if thy mycale , thy teeming wife pour out three boys , the comfort of thy life ; he too will in the pratling nest rejoice , farthings , and nuts provide , and various toys for the young smiling parasites , the wanton boys . he viler friends with doubtful mushroms treats , secure for you , himself champignons eats ; such claudius lov'd , of the same sort and taste , till agrippina kindly gave the last . to him are order'd , and those happy few whom fate has rais'd above contempt and you , most fragrant fruits , such in phaeacian gardens grew ; where a perpetual autumn ever smil'd , and golden apples loaded branches fill'd . by such swift atalanta was betray'd , the vegetable gold soon stop'd the flying maid● to you such scab'd harsh fruit is giv'n , as raw young souldiers at their exercisings gnaw , who trembling learn to throw the fatal dart , and under rods of rough cen●urions smart ▪ thou tak'st all this as done to save expence , no! 't is on purpose done to give offence ▪ what comedy , what farce can more delight , than grinning hunger , and ●he pleasing sight of your bilk'd hopes ? no! he 's , resolv'd t'extort tears from your eyes : 't is barb'rous jest and sport . thou think'st thy self companion of the great , art free and happy in thy own conceit . he thinks thou' rt tempted by th' attractive smell of his warm kitchen , and he judges well . for who so naked , in whose empty veins one single drop of noble blood remains ; what freeborn man , who , tho of mungrel strain , wou'd twice support the scorn , and proud disdain with which those idols you adore , the great , their wretched vassals and dependants treat ? o slaves most abject ! you still gaping sit , devouring with your eyes each pleasing bit ; now sure we parasites at last shall share that boar , and now that wild-fowl , or that hare : thus you expecting gaze , with your teeth set ; with your bread ready , and your knives well wheat ; demure and silent ; but , alas ! in vain ; he mocks your hunger , and derides your pain . if you can bear all this , and think him kind , you well deserve the treatment which you find . at last thou wilt beneath the burthen bow , and , glad , receive the manumitting blow on thy shav'd slavish head ; mean while attend , worthy of such a treat , and such a friend . the end of the fifth satyr . explanatory notes on the fifth satyr . sarmentus . a buffoon and parasite of augustus caesar. the same perhaps with that sarmentus in horace . sat. . l. . where common beggars us'd to place themselves . it was the custom in rome for the clients to attend their patrons , to salute them in the morning . virgil , martial , &c. that constellation otherwise call'd the bear , which appearing always above the horizon , is said by the poets never to descend into the sea. the meaning is , that trebius was forc'd to run early in the morning , by the light of those stars . a priest of cybele . from setia a town of campania , renowned for the best wines . thrasea and helvidius his sons-in-law , men of great virtue , constancy , and zeal for the liberty of their country ; they were both oppress'd by nero , thrasea put to death , and helvidius banish'd : tacitus has related at large the charge and accusation of thrasea , with what bravery he received the order by which he was commanded to dye , and being allowed his choice , opened his veins with these words , libemus iovi liberatori . annal. lib. . they are said here to have solemnly observ'd the birth-days of brutus and cassius , the deliverers of their country ; which may perhaps be true , tho it be not objected among many things of this kind in tacitus . an allusion to that of virgil describing aeneas stellatus , iaspide fulvâ ensis erat . the romans mightily affected to be serv'd by beautiful boys , whom they bought at vast rates . martial , &c. one of the seven hills on which rome was built . the authors whom i have the opportunity to consult , are not agreed what fish is meant by squilla ; i have translated it sturgeon , i confess at random , but it may serve as well . a town in campania , famous for the best oil. the name of a king of mauritania : but here must be understood as the name of any noble moor. a town of sicily . one of those whom the romans call'd h●●redipetae ; who courted and presented the rich and childless , in hope to become their heirs . the fish of tyber were for this reason thought the worst in italy . the story of the cale●onian bo●r ▪ slain by meleager , is to be found , metamor . lib. . rainy and thundring springs produce abundance of mushroms , and were therefore desired . pliny lib. . rome was supply'd with great quantities of corn from africa , and of mushroms too it seems . the name of a glutton or parasite . the name of a famous thief , who stole the oxen of hercules , and drew them into his den backwards ; but was slain by hercules , and drag'd out by the heels . aeneid . . the census equestris , about l. english. roscius otho made a law , that whereas before roman gentlemen and commons sat promiscuously in the theatres , there shou'd be fourteen seats or benches apart for those who were worth that sum. an allusion to that of dido , si quis mihi parvulus aula ▪ ●●deret aen●as . the meaning is , thou must have no child to de●eat hi● hopes of becoming thy heir . ironically . his wife agrippina gave him a poyson'd one of which he dy'd . see that ingenious satyr of seneca , cla●dij apocolocyntosis . the gardens of alcinous , king of the phaeacians , are renown'd in homer and all antiquity . in the following lines there is in the original reference to the custom of roman children , wearing for distinction of their quality , the bulla aurea or corsacca . i have translated them according to the intent and sense of the poet , without allusion to those customs ; which being unknown to meer english readers , wou'd have only made the translation as obscure as the original . of so many indignities . i know the commentators give another sense of these last lines , but i take them to allude to the manner of the manumission of slaves , which was done by giving them a touch or blow on the head , by their ●ord or the praetor , with a wand call'd vindicta ; and thus the meaning will be that trebius , weari'd at last , will be glad to be discharg'd from the slavery of attending , where he finds such usage . the sixth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the sixth satyr . this satyr , of almost double length to any of the rest , is a bitter invective against the fair sex. t is , indeed , a common-place , from whence all the moderns have notoriously stollen their sharpest raileries . in his other satyrs the poet has only glanc'd on some particular women , and generally scourg'd the men. but this he reserv'd wholly for the ladies . how they had offended him i know not : but upon the whole matter he is not to be excus'd for imputing to all , the vices of some few amongst them . neither was it generously done of him , to attack the weakest as well as the fairest part of the creation : neither do i know what moral he cou'd reasonably draw from it . it could not be to avoid the whole sex , if all had been true which he alledges against them : for that had been to put an end to humane kind . and to bid us beware of their artifices , is a kind of silent acknowledgment , that they have more wit than men : which turns the satyr upon us , and particularly upon the poet ; who thereby makes a complement , where he meant a libel . if he intended only to exercise his wit , he has forfeited his iudgment , by making the one half of his readers his mortal enemies : and amongst the men , all the happy lovers , by their own experience , will disprove his accusations . the whole world must allow this to be the wi●tiest of his satyrs ; and truly he had need of all his parts , to maintain with so much violence , so unjust a charge . i am satisfied he will bring but few over to his opinion : and on that consideration chiefly i ventur'd to translate him . though there wanted not another reason , which was , that no one else would undertake it : at least , sir , c. s. who cou'd have done more right to the author , after a long delay , at length absolutely refus'd so ungrateful an employment : and every one will grant , that the work must have been imperfect and lame , if it had appear'd without one of the principal members belonging to it . let the poet therefore bear the blame of his own invention ; and let me satisfie the world , that i am not of his opinion . whatever his roman ladies were , the english are free from all his imputations . they will read with wonder and abhorrence , the vices of an age , which was the most infamous of any on record . they will bless themselves when they behold those examples related of domitian's time : they will give back to antiquity those monsters it produc'd : and believe with reason , that the species of those women is extinguish'd ; or at least , that they were never ●ere propagated . i may safely therefore proceed to the argument of a satyr , which is no way relating to them : and first observe , that my author makes their lust the most heroick of their vices : the rest are in a manner but digression . he skims them over ; but he dwells on this ; when he seems to have taken his last leave of it , on the sudden he returns to it : 't is one branch of it in hippia , another in messalina , but lust is the main body of the tree . he begins with this text in the first line , and takes it up with intermissions to the end of the chapter . every vice is a loader ; but that●s a ten. the fillers , or intermediate parts , are their revenge ; their contriva●ces of secret crimes ; their arts to hide them ; their wit to excuse them ; and their impudence to own them , when they can no longer be kept secret . then the persons to whom they are most addicted ; and on whom they commonly bestow the last favours . as stage-players , fidlers , singing-boys , and fencers . those who pass for chast amongst them , are not really so ; but only for their vast dowries , are rather suffer'd , than lov'd by their own husbands . that they are imperious , domineering , scolding wives : set up for learning and criticism in poetry ; but are false iudges . love to speak greek ( which was then the fashionable tongue , as french is now with us . ) that they plead causes at the bar , and play prizes at the bear-garden . that they are gossips and news-mongers : wrangle with their neighbours abroad , and beat their servants at home . that they lie in for new faces once a month : are slattish with their husbands in private ; and paint and dress in publick for their lovers . that they deal with iews , diviners , and fortune-tellers : learn the arts of miscarrying , and barrenness . buy children , and produce them for their own . murther their husbands sons , if they stand in their way to his estate : and make their adulterers his heirs . from hence the poet proceeds to shew the occasions of all these vices ; their original , and how they were introduc'd in rome , by peace , wealth , and luxury . in conclusion , if we will take the word of our malicious author ; bad women are the general standing rule ; and the good , but some few exceptions to it . the sixth satyr . in saturn's reign , at nature's early birth , there was that thing call'd chastity on earth ; when in a narrow cave , their common shade , the sheep the shepherds and their gods were laid : when reeds and leaves , and hides of beasts were spread by mountain huswifes for their homely bed , and mossy pillows rais'd , for the rude husband's head . unlike the niceness of our modern dames ( affected nymphs with new affected names : ) the cynthia's and the lesbia's of our years , who for a sparrow's death dissolve in tears . those first unpolisht matrons , big and bold , gave suck to infants of gygantick mold ; rough as their savage lords who rang'd the wood , and fat with akorns belcht their windy food . for when the world was bucksom , fresh , and young ▪ her sons were undebauch'd , and therefore strong ; and whether born in kindly beds of earth , or strugling from the teeming oaks to birth , or from what other atoms they begun , no sires they had , or if a sire the sun. some thin remains of chastity appear'd ev'n under iove , but iove without a beard : before the servile greeks had learnt to swear by heads of kings ; while yet the bounteous year her common fruits in open plains expos'd , e're thieves were fear'd , or gardens were enclos'd : at length uneasie justice upwards flew , and both the sisters to the stars withdrew ; from that old aera whoring did begin , so ven'rably ancient is the sin. adult'rers next invade the nuptial state , and marriage-beds creak'd with a foreign weight ; all other ills did iron times adorn ; but whores and silver in one age were born ▪ yet thou , they say , for marriage do'st provide : is this an age to buckle with a bride ? they say thy hair the curling art is taught , the wedding-ring perhaps already bought : a sober man like thee to change his life ! what fury wou'd possess thee with a wife ? art thou of ev'ry other death bereft , no knife , no ratsbane , no kind halter left ? ( for every noose compar'd to hers is cheap ) is there no city bridge from whence to leap ? would'st thou become her drudge who dost enjoy , a better sort of bedfellow , thy boy ? he keeps thee not awake with nightly brawls , nor with a beg'd reward , thy pleasure palls : nor with insatiate heavings calls for more , when all thy spirits were drain'd out before . but still vrsidius courts the marriage-bait , longs for a son , to settle his estate , and takes no gifts , tho ev'ry gapeing heir wou'd gladly grease the rich old batchelour . what revolution can appear so strange , as such a leacher , such a life to change ? a rank , notorious whoremaster , to choose to thrust his neck into the marriage noose ! he who so often in a dreadful fright had in a coffer scap'd the jealous cuckold's sight , that he to wedlock , dotingly betrayd , should hope , in this lewd town , to find a maid ! the man 's grown mad : to ease his frantick pain , run for the surgeon ; breathe the middle vein : but let a heyfer with gilt horns be led to iuno , regent of the marriage-bed , and let him every deity adore , if his new bride prove not an arrant whore ▪ in head and tail , and every other pore . on ceres feast , restrain'd from their delight , few matrons , there , but curse the tedious night : few whom their fathers dare salute , such lust their kisses have , and come with such a gust . with ivy now adorn thy doors , and wed ; such is thy bride , and such thy genial bed. think'st thou one man , is for one woman meant ? she , sooner , with one ●ye wou'd be content . and yet , 't is nois'd , a maid did once appear in some small village , tho fame says not where ; 't is possible ; but sure no man she found ; 't was desart , all , about her father's ground : and yet some lustful god might there make bold : are iove and mars grown impotent and old ? many a fair nymph has in a cave been spread , and much good love , without a feather-bed . whither wou'dst thou to chuse a wi●e resort , the park , the mall , the play-house , or the court ? which way soever thy adventures fall secure alike of chastity in all . one sees a dancing-master capring high , and raves , and pisses , with pure extasie : another does , with all his motions , move , and gapes , and grins , as in the feat of love : a third is charm'd with the new opera notes , admires the song , but on the singer doats : the country lady , in the box appears , softly she warbles over , all she hears ; and sucks in passion , both at eyes , and ears . the rest , ( when now the long vacation's come , the noisie hall and theatres grown dumb ) their memories to refresh , and chear their hearts ▪ in borrow'd breaches act the players parts . the poor , that scarce have wherewithal to eat , will pinch , to make the singing-boy a treat . the rich , to buy him , will refuse no price : and stretch his quail-pipe till they crack his voice . tragedians , acting love , for lust are sought : ( tho but the parrots of a poet 's thought . ) the pleading lawyer , tho for counsel us'd , in chamber-practice often is refus'd . still thou wilt have a wife , and father heirs ; ( the product of concurring theatres . ) perhaps a fencer did thy brows adorn , and a young sword-man to thy lands is born . thus hippia loath'd her old patrician lord , and left him for a brother of the sword : to wondring pharos with her love she fled , to shew one monster more than africk bred : forgetting house and husband , left behind , ev'n children too ; she sails before the wind ; false to 'em all , but constant to her kind . but , stranger yet , and harder to conceive , she cou'd the play-house , and the players leave . born of rich parentage , and nicely bred , she lodg'd on down , and in a damask bed ; yet , daring now the dangers of the deep , on a hard mattress is content to sleep . e're this , 't is true , she did her fame expose : but that , great ladies with great ease can lose . the tender nymph cou'd the rude ocean bear : so much her lust was stronger than her fear . but , had some honest cause her passage prest , the smallest hardship had disturb'd her brest : each inconvenience makes their virtue cold : but womankind , in ills , is ever bold . were she to follow her own lord to sea , what doubts and scruples wou'd she raise to stay ? her stomach sick , and her head giddy grows ; the tar and pitch are naus●ous to her nose . but in love's voyage nothing can offend ; women are never sea-sick with a friend . amidst the crew , she walks upon the boord ; she eats , she drinks , she handles every cord : and , if she spews , 't is thinking of her lord. now ask , for whom her friends and fame she lost ? what youth , what beauty , cou'd th' adult'rer boast ? what was the face , for which she cou'd sustain to be call'd mistress to so base a man ? the gallant , of his days had known the best : deep scars were seen indented on his breast ; and all his batter'd limbs requir'd their needful rest . a promontory wen , with griesly grace , stood high , upon the handle of his face : his blear eyes ran in gutters to his chin ; his beard was stubble , and his cheeks were thin . but 't was his fencing did her fancy move ; 't is arms and blood and cruelty they love . but shou'd he quit his trade , and sheath his sword , her lover wou'd begin to be her lord. this was a private crime ; but you shall hear what fruits the sacred brows of monarchs bear : the good old sluggard but began to snore , when from his side up rose th' imperial whore : she who preferr'd the pleasures of the night to pomps , that are but impotent delight , strode from the palace , with an eager pace , to cope with a more masculine embrace : muffl'd she march'd , like iuno in a ●lowd , of all her train but one poor weneh allow'd , one whom in secret service she cou'd trust ; the rival and companion of her lust. to the known brothel-house she takes her way ; and for a nasty room gives double pay ; that room in which the rankest harlot lay : prepar'd for fight , expectingly she lies , with heaving breasts , and with desiring eyes : still as one drops , another takes his place , and baffled still succeeds to like disgrace . at length , when friendly darkness is expir'd , and every strumpet from her cell retir'd , she lags behind , and lingring at the gate , with a repining sigh , submits to fate : all filth without and all a fire within , tir'd with the toyl , unsated with the sin. old caesar's bed the modest matron seeks ; the steam of lamps still hanging on her cheeks in ropy smut ; thus foul , and thus bedight , she brings him back the product of the night . now should i sing what poisons they provide ; with all their trumpery of charms beside : and all their arts of death , it would be known lust is the smallest sin the sex can own . caesinia , still , they say , is guiltless found of every vice , by her own lord renown'd : and well she may , she brought ten thousand pound , she brought him wherewithal to be call'd chaste ; his tongue is ty'd in golden fetters fast ▪ he sighs , adores , and courts her every hour ; who wou'd not do as much for such a dower ? she writes love-letters to the youth in grace ; nay tip● the wink before the cuckold's face ; and might do more : her portion makes it good : wealth has the priviledge of widow-hood . these truths with his example you disprove , who with his wife is monstrously in love : but know him better ; for i heard him swear 't is not that she 's his wife , but that she 's fair. let her but have three wrinkles in her face , let her eyes lessen , and her skin unbrace , soon you will hear the saucy steward say , pack up with all your trinkets , and away : you grow offensive both at bed and board , your betters must be had to please my lord. mean time she 's absolute upon the throne ; and knowing time is precious , loses none : she must have flocks of sheep , with wool more fine than silk , and vinyards of the noblest wine : whole droves of pages for her train she craves ; and sweeps the prisons for attending slaves . in short , whatever in her eyes can come , or others have abroad , she wants at home . when winter shuts the seas , and fleecy snows make houses white , she to the merchant goes : rich crystals of the rock she takes up there , huge agat vases , and old china ware : then be●enice's ring her finger proves , more precious made by her incestuous loves ▪ and infamously dear : a brother's bribe , , ev'n gods annointed , and of iudah's tribe : where barefoot they approach the sacred shrine , and think it only sin , to feed on swine . but is none worthy to be made a wife in all this town ? suppose her free from strife , rich , fair , and fruitful : of unblemish'd life : chast as the sabines , whose prevailing charms dismiss'd their husbands , and their brothers arms. grant her , besides , of noble blood , that ran in ancient veins , e're heraldry began : suppose all these , and take a poet's word , a black swan is not half so rare a bird. a wife , so hung with virtues , such a freight ; what mortal shoulders cou'd support the weight ! some country girl , scarce to a curtsey bred , wou'd i much rather than cornelia wed : if supercilious , haughty , proud , and vain , she brought her father's triumphs , in her train . away with all your carthaginian state , let vanquish'd hannibal without doors wait , too burly and too big , to pass my narrow gate . oh paean , cries amphion , bend thy bow against my wife , and let my children go : but sullen paean shoots , at sons and mothers too . his niobe and all his boys he lost ; ev'n her , who did her num'rous offspring boast , as fair and fruitful as the sow that carry'd the thirty pigs at one large litter farrow'd . what beauty or what chastisty can bear so great a price , if stately and severe she still insults , and you must still adore ; grant that the hony's much , the ●all is more , upbraided with the virtues she displays , sev'n hours in twelve , you loath the wife you praise . some faults , tho small , intolerable grow : for what so nau●eous and affected too , as those that think they due perfection want , who have not learnt to lisp the greci●n cant ? in greece , their whole accomplishments they seek : their fashion , breeding , language , must be greek . but raw , in all that does to rome belong , they scorn to cultivate their mother tongue . in greek they flatter , all their fears they speak , tell all their secrets , nay , they scold in greek : ev'n in the feat of love , they use that tongue ▪ such affectations may become the young : but thou , old hag of threescore years and three , is shewing of thy parts in greek , for thee ? 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ! all those tender words the momentary trembling bliss affords , the kind soft murmurs of the private sheets , are bawdy , while thou speak'st in publick streets . those words have fingers ; and their force is such . they raise the dead , and mount him with a touch . but all provocatives from thee are vain ; no blandishment the slacken'd nerve can strain . if then thy lawful spouse thou canst not love , what reason shou'd thy mind to marriage move ? why all the charges of the nuptial feast , wine and deserts , and sweet-meats to digest ; th' indoweing gold that buys the dear delight ; giv'n for thy first and only happy night ? if thou art thus uxoriously inclin'd , to bear thy bondage with a willing mind , prepare thy neck , and put it in the yoke : but for no mercy from thy woman look . for tho , perhaps , she loves with equal fires , to absolute dominion she aspires ; joys in the spoils , and triumphs o'er thy purse ; the better husband makes the wife the worse . nothing is thine to give , or fell , or buy , all offices of ancient friendship dye ; nor hast thou leave to make a legacy . by thy imperious wife thou art bere●t a priviledge , to pimps and panders left ; thy testament's her will : where she prefers her ruffians , drudges and adultere's , adopting all thy rivals for thy heirs ▪ go drag that slave to death ; your reason , why shou'd the poor innocent be doom'd to dye ? what proofs ? for , when man's life is in debate ▪ the judge can ne're too long deliberate . call'st thou that slave a man ? the wife replies : prov'd , or unprov'd , the crime , the villian dies . i have the soveraign pow'r to save or kill ; and give no other reason but my will. thus the she-tyrant reigns , till pleas'd with change ▪ her wild affections to new empires range : another subject-husband she desires ; divorc'd from him , she to the first retires , while the last wedding-feast is scarcely o're ; and garlands hang yet green upon the door . so still the reck'ning rises ; and appears in total sum , eight husbands in five years . the title for a tomb-stone might be fit ; but that it wou'd too commonly be writ ▪ her mother living , hope no quiet day ; she sharpens her , instructs her how to flea her husband bare , and then divides the prey . she takes love-letters , with a crafty smile , and , in her daughter's answer , mends the stile . in vain the husband sets his watchful spies ; she cheats their cunning , or she bribes their eyes . the doctor 's call'd ; the daughter , taught the trick , pretends to faint ; and in full health is sick. the panting stallion at the closet-door hears the consult , and wishes it were o're , can'st thou , in reason , hope , a bawd so known shou'd teach her other manners than her own ? her int'rest is in all th' advice she gives : t is on the daughter's rents the mother lives . no cause is try'd at the litigious b●● ▪ but women plaintiffs or defendants are ▪ they form the process , all the briefs they write ▪ the topicks furnish , and the pleas indite : and teach the toothless lawyer how to bite ▪ they turn virago's too ; the wrastler's toyl● they try , and smear their naked limbs with oyl : against the post , their wicker shields they crush , flourish the sword , and at the pl●stron push . of every exercise the mannish crew fulfils the parts , and oft excels us , too ▪ prepar'd not only in feign'd fights ▪ t' engage , but rout the gladiators on the stage ▪ what sence of shame in such a breast can lye , inur'd to arms , and her own sex to fly ? yet to be wholly man she wou'd disclaim ; to quit her tenfold pleasure at the game , for frothy praises , and an empty name . oh what a decent sight , 't is to behold , all thy wife's magazine by auction sold ! the belt , the crested plume , the several suits of armour , and the spanish leather boots ! yet these are they , that cannot bear the heat of figur'd silks , and under sarcenet sweat . behold the strutting amazonian whore , she stands in guard with her right foot before : her coats tuck'd up ; and all her motions just , she stamps , and then cries hah at every thrust : but laugh to see her tyr'd with many a bout , call for the pot , and like a man piss out . the ghosts of ancient romans , shou●d they rise , wou'd grin to see their daughters play a prize . besides , what endless brawls by wifes are bred : the cur●ain-lecture makes a mournful bed. then , when she has thee sure within the sheets , her cry begins , and the whole day repeats . conscious of crimes her self , she teyzes first ; thy servants are accus'd ; thy whore is curst ; she acts the jealous , and at will she cries : for womens tears are but the sweat of eyes . poor cuckold-fool , thou think'st that love sincere , and suck'st between her lips , the falling tear : but search her cabinet and thou shalt find each tiller there , with love epistles lin'd . suppose her taken in a close embrace , this you wou'd think so manifest a case , no rhetorick cou'd defend , no impudence outface : and yet even then she cries the marriage vow , a mental reservation must allow ; and there 's a silent bargain still imply'd , the parties shou'd be pleas'd on either side : and both may for their private needs provide . tho men your selves , and women us you call , yet homo is a common name for all . there 's nothing bolder than a woman caught ; guilt gives 'em courage to maintain their fault . you ask from whence proceed these monstrous crimes ; once poor , and therefore chast in former times , our matrons were : no luxury found room in low-rooft houses , and bare walls of lome ; their hands with labour hard'ned while 't was light , and frugal sleep supply'd the quiet night . while pinch't with want , their hunger held 'em straight : when hannibal was hov'ring at the gate : but wanton now , and lolling at our fase , we suffer all th' invet'rate ills of peace ; and wastful riot , whose destructive charms revenge the vanquish'd world , of our victorious arms. no crime , no lustful postures are unknown ; since poverty , our guardian-god , is gone : pride , laziness , and all luxurious arts , pour like a deluge in , from foreign parts : since gold obscene , and silver found the way , strange fashions with strange bullion to convey , and our plain simple manners to betray . what care our drunken dames to whom they spread ? wine , no distinction makes of tail or head. who lewdly dancing at a midnight-ball , for hot eringoes , and fat oysters call : full brimmers to their fuddled noses thrust ; brimmers the last provocatives of lust. when vapours to their swimming brains advance , and double tapers on the tables dance . now think what bawdy dialogues they have , what tullia talks to her confiding slave ; at modesty's old statue : when by night , they make a stand , and from their litters light ; the good man early to the levee goes , and treads the nasty paddle of his spouse . the secrets of the goddess nam'd the good , are even by boys and barbers understood : where the rank matrons , dancing to the pipe , gig with their bums , and are for action ripe ; with musick rais'd , they spread abroad their hair ; and toss their heads like an enamour'd mare : laufella lays her garland by , and proves the mimick leachery of manly loves . rank'd with the lady , the cheap sinner lies ; for here not blood , but virtue gives the prize . nothing is feign'd , in this venereal strife ; 't is downright lust , and acted to the life . so full , so fierce , so vigorous , and so strong ; that , looking on , wou'd make old nestor young. impatient of delay , a general sound , an universal groan of lust goes round ; for then , and only then , the sex sincere is found . now is the time of action ; now begin , they cry , and let the lusty lovers in . the whoresons are asleep ; then bring the slaves and watermen , a race of strong-back'd knaves . i wish , at least , our sacred rights were free from those pollutions of obscenity : but 't is well known what singer , how disguis'd a lewd audacious action enterpriz'd ; into the fair with women mixt , he went , arm'd with a huge two-handed instrument ; a grateful present to those holy quires , where the mouse guilty of his sex retires ; and even male-pictures modestly are vaild ; yet no profaneness on that age prevail'd . no scoffers at religious rites were ●ound ; tho now , at every altar they abound . i hear your cautious counsel , you wou'd say ▪ keep close your women , under lock and key : but , who shall keep those keepers ▪ women , nurst in craft , begin with those , and bribe 'em first . the sex is turn'd all whore ; they love the game ▪ and mistresses , and maids , are both the same . the poor og●lnia ▪ on the poet's day , will borrow cloaths , and chair , to see the play : she , who before , had mortgag'd her estate ; and pawn'd the last remaining piece of plate . some , are reduc'd their utmost shifts to try : but women have no shame of poverty . they live beyond their stint ; as if their store the more exhausted , wou'd increase the more : some men , instructed by the lab'ring ant , provide against th' extremities of wa●t ; but womankind , that never knows a mean , down to the dregs their sinking fortune drain : hourly they give , and spend , and wast , and wear ; and think no pleasure can be bought too dear . there are , who in soft eunuchs , place their bliss ; to shun the scrubbing ●f a bearded kiss : and scape abortion ; but their solid joy is when the page , already past a boy , is capon'd late ; and to the g●elder shown , with his two pounders , to perfection grown . when all the navel-string cou'd give , appears ; all but the beard ; and that 's the barber's loss not theirs . seen from afar , and famous for his ware , he strut , into the bath , among the fair : th' admiring crew to their devotions fall ; and , kneeling , on their new priapus call . kerv'd for his lady's use , with her he lies ; and let him drudge for her , if thou art wise ; rather than trust him with thy fav'rite boy ; he proffers death in proffering to enjoy . if songs they love , the singer's voice they force beyond his compass , till his quail-pipe's hoarse : his lute and lyre , with their embrace is worn ; with knots they trim it , and with gems adorn : run over all the strings , and kiss the case ; and make love to it , in the master's place . a certain lady once , of high degree , to ianus vow'd , and vesta's deity , that pollio might , in singing , win the prize ; pollio the dear ; the darling of her , eyes : she pray'd , and brib'd ; what cou'd she more have done for a sick husband , or an onely son ? with her face veil'd , and heaving up her hands , the shameless suppliant at the alta● stands : the forms of prayer she solemnly pursues ; and , pale with fear , the offer'd entrails views . answer , ye pow'rs : for , if you heard her vow , your godships , sure , had little else to do . this is not all ; for actors , they implore : an impudence unknown to heav'n before . th' aruspex , tir'd with this religious rout , is forc'd to stand so long , he gets the gout . but suffer not thy wife abroad to roam : if she love singing , let her sing at home ; not strut in streets , with amazonian ▪ ●ace ; for that 's to cuckold thee , before thy face . their endless itch of news , comes next in play ; they vent their own ; and hear what others say . know what in thrace , or what in fra●ce is done ; th' intrigues betwixt the stepdam , and the son. tell who loves who , what favours some partake ; and who is jilted for another's sake . what pregnant widow , in what month was made ; how oft she did , and doing , what she said . she first , beholds the raging comet rise : knows whom it threatens , and what lands destroys . still , for the newest news , she lies in wait ; and takes reports , just ent'ring at the gate . wrecks , floods , and fires ; what-ever she can meet , she spreads ; and is the fame of every street . this is a grievance ; but the next is worse ; a very judgment , and her neighbours curse . for , if their barking-dog , disturb her ease , no pray'r can bend her , no excuse appease . th' unmanner'd malefactor , is arraign'd ; but first the master , who the curr maintain'd , must feel the scourge : by night she leaves her bed ; by night her bathing equipage is led . that marching armies a less noise create ; she moves in tumult , and she swea's in state. mean while , her guests their appetites must keep ; some gape for hunger , and some gasp for sleep . at length she comes , all flush'd , but e're she sup , swallows a swinging preparation-cup ; and then , to clear her stomach , spews it up . the deluge-vomit , all the floor o'reflows ; and the sour savour nauseates every nose . she drinks again ; again she spews a lake ; her wretched husband sees , and dares not speak : but mutters many a curse , against his wife ; and damns himself , for chusing such a life . but of all plagues , the greatest is untold ; the book-learn'd wife , in greek and latin bold . the critick-dame , who at her table sits ; homer and virgil quotes , and weighs them wits ; and pities didoes agonizing fits. she has so far th' ascendant of the board ; the prating pedant puts not in one word : the man of law is non-plust , in his surte ; nay every other female tongue is mute . hammers , and beating anvils , you wou'd swear ; and vulcan with his whole militia there . tabours and trumpets cease ; for she alone is able to redeem the lab'ring moon . ev'n wit 's a burthen , when it talks too long : but she , who has no continence of tongue , should walk in breeches , and shou'd wear a beard ; and mix among the philosophick herd . o what a midnight curse has he , whose side is pester'd with a mood and figure bride ! let mine , ye gods , ( if such must be my fate ) no logick learn , nor history translate : but rather be a quiet , humble fool : i hate a wife , to whom i go to school . who climbs the grammar-tree ; distinctly knows where noun , and verb , and participle grows ; corrects her country neighbour ; and , a bed , for breaking priscian's , breaks her husband's head. the gawdy gossip , when she 's set agog , in jewels drest , and at each ear a bob , goes flaunting out , and in her trim of pride , thinks all she says or does , is justifi'd . when poor , she 's s●arce a tollerable evil ; but rich , and fine , a wife 's a very devil . she duely , once a month , renews her face ; mean time , it lies in dawb , and hid in grease ; those are the husband's nights ; she craves her due , he takes fat kisses , and is stuck in glue . but , to the lov'd adult'rer when she steers , fresh from the bath , in brightness she appears : for him the rich arabia sweats her gum ; and precious oyls from distant indies come . how haggardly so e're she looks at home . th' eclipse then vanishes ; and all her face is open'd , and restor'd to ev'ry grace . the crust remov'd , her cheeks as smooth as silk ; are polish'd with a wash of asses milk ; and , shou'd she to the farthest north be sent , a train of these attend her banishment . but , hadst thou seen her plaistred up before , 't was so unlike a face , it seem'd a sore . 't is worth our while , to know what all th● day they do ; and how they pass their time away . for , if o're-night , the husband has been slack , or counterfeited sleep , and turn'd his back , next day , be sure , the servants go to wrack . the chamber-maid and dresser , are call'd whores ; the page is stript , and beaten out of doors . the whole house suffers for the master's crime ; and he himself , is warn'd , to wake another time . she hires tormentors , by the year ; she treats her visitours , and talks ; but still she beats . beats while she paints her face , surveys her gown , casts up the days account , and still beats on : tir'd out , at length , with an outrageous tone , she bids 'em , in the devil's name , begone . compar'd with such a proud , insulting dame , sicilian tyrants may renounce their name . for , if she hasts abroad , to take the ayr , or goes to isis , church , ( the bawdy , house of prayer , ) she hurries all her handmaids to the task ; her head , alone , will twenty dressers ask . psecas , the chief , with breast and shoulders bare , trembling , considers every sacred hair ; if any stragler from his rank be found , a pinch must , for the mortal sin , compound . psecas is not in fault : but , in the glass , the dame's offended at her own ill face . that maid is banish'd ; and another girl more dextrous , manages the comb , and curl : the rest are summon'd , on a point so nice ; and first , the grave old woman gives advice ▪ the next is call'd , and so the turn goes round , as each for age , or wisdom , is renown'd : such counsel , such delib'rate care they take , as if her life and honour lay at stake . with curls , on curls , they build her head before ; and mount it with a formidable tow'r . a gyantess she seems ; but , look behind , and then she dwindles to the pigmy kind . duck-leg'd , short-wasted , such a dwarf she is , that she must rise on tip-toes for a kiss . mean while , her husband 's whole estate is spent ; he may go bare while she receives his rent . she minds him not ; she lives not as a wife , but like a bawling neighbour , full of strife : near him , in this alone , that she extends her hate , to all his servants , and his friends . bellona's priests , an eunuch at their head , about the streets a mad procession lead ; the venerable guelding , large , and high , o're-looks the herd of his inferiour fry. his awkward clergy-men about him prance ; and beat the timbrels to their mystick dance . guiltless of testicles , they tear their throats ▪ and squeak , in treble , their unmanly 〈◊〉 . mean while , his cheeks the myter'd prophet swells ; and dire presages of the year foretels ▪ unless with eggs ( his priestly hire ) they hast to expiate , and avert th' autumnal blast . and add beside a murrey colour'd vest , which , in their places , may receive the pest : and , thrown into the flood , their crimes may bear , to purge th' unlucky omens of the year . th' astonisht matrons pay , before the rest ; that sex is still obnoxious to the priest. through yee they beat , and plunge into the stream , if so the god has warn'd 'em in a dream . weak in their limbs , but in devotion strong , on their bare hands and feet they crawl along ; a whole fields length , the laughter of the throng . shou'd io ( io's priest i mean ) command a pilgrimage to meroe's burning sand , through desares they wou'd seek the secret spring ; and holy water , for lustration , bring . how can they pay their priests too much respect , who trade with heav'n and earthly gains neglect ? with him , domestick gods discourse by night ; by day , attended by his quire in white . the bald-pate tribe runs madding through the street , and smile to see with how much ease they cheat. the ghostly syre forgives the wife's delights , who sins , through frailty , on forbidden nights : and tempts her husband , in the holy time , when carnal pleasure is a mortal crime . the sweating image shakes its head ; but he with mumbled prayers attones the deity . the pious priesthood the fat goose receive , and they once brib'd , the godhead must forgive . no sooner these remove , but full of fear , a gypsie jewess whispers in your ear , and begs an alms : an high-priest's daughter she vers'd in their talmud , and divinity ; and prophesies beneath a shady tree . her goods a basket , and old hay her bed , she strouls , and telling fortunes , gains her bread : farthings , and some small monys , are her fees ; yet she interprets all your dreams for these . foretels th' estate , when the rich unckle dies , and sees a sweet-heart in the sacrifice . such toys , a pidgeons entrails can disclose ; which yet th' armenian augur far outgoes : in dogs , a victim more obscene , he rakes ; and murder'd infants , for inspection , takes : for gain , his impious practice he pursues ; for gain will his accomplices accuse . more credit , yet , is to chaldeans giv'n ; what they foretell , is deem'd the voice of heav'n . their answers , as from hammon's altar , come ; since now the delphian oracles are dumb . and mankind , ignorant of future fate , believes what fond astrologers relate . of these the most in vogue is he , who sent beyond seas , is return'd from banishment . his art who to aspiring otho sold ; and sure succession to the crown foretold . for his esteem , is in his exile plac'd ; the more believ'd , the more he was disgrac'd . no astrologick wizard honour gains , who has not oft been banisht , or in chains . he gets renown , who , to the halter near , but narrowly escapes , and buys it dear . from him your wife enquires the planets will ; when the black iaundies shall her mother kill : her sister's and her unckle's end , wou'd know ; but , first , consults his art , when you shall go . and , what 's the greatest gift that heav'n can give , if , after her , th' adult'rer shall live , she neither knows , nor cares to know the rest ; if mars and saturn shall the world infest ; or iove and venus , with their friendly rays , will interpose , and bring us better days . beware the woman , too , and shun her sight , who , in these studies , does her self delight . by whom a greasie almanack is born , with often handling , like chaft amber , worn : not now consulting , but consulted , she of the twelve houses , and their lords , is free . she , if the scheme a fatal journey show , stays safe at home , but lets her husband go . if but a mile she travel out of town , the planetary hour must first be known : and lucky moment ; if her eye but akes or itches , its decumbiture she takes . no nourishment receives in her disease , but what the stars , and ptolomy shall please . the middle sort , who have not much to spare , to chiromancers cheaper art repair , who clap the pretty palm , to make the lines more fair . but the rich matron , who has more to give , her answers from the brachman will receive : skill'd in the globe and sphere , he gravely stands , and , with his compass , measures seas and lands , the poorest of the sex , have still an itoh to know their fortunes , equal to the rich. the dairy-maid enquires , if she shall take the trusty taylor , and the cook forsake . yet these , tho poor , the pain of child-bed bear ; and , without nurses , their own infants rear : you seldom hear of the rich mantle , spread for the babe , born in the great lady's bed. such is the pow'● of herbs ; such arts they use to make them barren , or their fruit to lose . but thou , whatever slops she will have bought , be thankful , and supply the deadly draught : help her to make manslaughter ; let her bleed , and never want for savin at her need . for , if she holds till her nine months be run , thou may'st be father to an aethiop's son : a boy , who ready gotten to thy hands , by law is to inherit all thy lands : one of that hue , that shou'd he cross the way , his omen wou'd discolour all the day . i pass the foundling by , a race unknown , at doors expos'd , whom matrons ma●e their own ; and into noble families advance , a nameless issue , the blind work of chance . indulgent fortune does her care employ , and , smiling , broods upon the naked boy : her garment spreads , and laps him in the fold , and covers , with her wings , from nightly cold : gives him her blessing ; puts him in a way ; sets up the farce , and laughs at her own play. him she promotes ; she favours him alone , and makes provision for him , as her own . the craving wife , the force of magick tries , and philte●s for th' unable husband buys : the potion works not on the part design'd , but turns his brain , and stupifies his mind . the sotted moon-calf gapes , and staring on , sees his own business by another done : a long oblivion , a benumming frost , constrains his head ; and yesterday is lost : some nimbler juice wou'd make him foam , and rave , like that caesonia to her caius gave : who , plucking from the forehead of the fole his mother's love , infus'd it in the bowl : the boiling blood ran hissing in his veins , till the mad vapour mounted to his brains . the thund'rer was not half so much on fire , when iuno's girdle kindled his desire . what woman will not use the poys'ning trade , when caesar's wife the precedent has made ? let agripina's mushroom be forgot ; giv'n to a slav'ring , old , unuseful sot ; that only clos'd the driveling dotard's eyes ; and sent his godhead downward to the skies . but this fierce potion , calls for fire and sword ; nor spares the commons , when it strikes the lord : so many mischiefs were in one combin'd ; so much one single poys'ner cost mankind . if stepdames seek their sons in law to kill , 't is venial trespass ; let them have their will : but let the child , entrusted to the care of his own mother , of her bread beware : beware the food she reaches with her hand ; the morsel is intended for thy land. thy tutour be thy taster , e're thou eat ; there 's poyson in thy drink , and in thy meat . you think this feign'd ; the satyr in a rage struts in the buskins , of the tragick stage . forgets his bus'ness is to laugh and bite ; and will , of deaths , and dire revenges write . wou'd it were all a fable , that you read ; but drymon's wife pleads guilty to the deed. i , ( she confesses , ) in the fact was caught ; two sons dispatching , at one deadly draught . what two , two sons , thou viper , in one day ? yes sev'n , she cries , if sev'n were in my way . medea's legend is no more a lye ; our age adds credit to antiquity . great ills , we grant , in former times did reign : and murthers then were done : but not for gain . less admiration to great crimes is due , which they through wrath , or through revenge pursue . for , weak of reason , impotent of will , the sex is hurri'd headlong into ill : and , like a cliff from its foundations torn , by raging earthquakes , into seas is born . but those are fiends , who crimes from thought begin ; and , cool in mischief , meditate the sin. they read th' example of a pious wife , redeeming , with her own , her husband's life ; yet , if the laws did that exchange afford , wou'd save their lapdog sooner than their lord. where e're you walk , the belides you meet ; and clytemnestra's grow in every street : but here 's the difference ; agamemnon's wife was a gross butcher , with a bloody knife : but murther , now , is to perfection grown : and subtle poysons are employ'd alone : unless some antidote prevents their arts , and lines with balsom all the noble parts : in such a case , reserv'd for such a need , rather than fail , the dagger does the deed. the end of the sixth satyr . explanatory notes on the sixth satyr . in the golden age : when saturn reign'd . fat with acorns : acorns were the bread of mankind , before corn was found . vnder jove : when iove had driven his father into banishment , the silver age began , according to the poets . vneasie iustice , &c. the poet makes justice and chastity sisters ; and says that they ●●ed to heaven together ; and left earth for ever . ceres feast . when the roman women were forbidden to bed with their husbands . iove and mars . of whom more fornicating stories are told , than any of the other gods. wondring pharos . she fled to egypt ; which wonder'd at the enormity of her crime . he tells the famous story of messalina , wife to the emperor claudius . wealth has the priviledge , &c. his meaning is , that a wife who brings a large dowry may do what she pleases , and has all the priviledges of a widow . berenice's ring . a ring of great price , which herod agrippa gave to his sister berenice . he was king of the iews , but tributary to the romans . cornelia . mother to the gracchi , of the family of the cornelit ; from whence scipio the affrican was descended , who triumph'd over hannibal . o paean , &c. he alludes to the known fable of ni●be in ovid. amphion was her husband : paean is apollo , who with his arrows kill'd her children , because she boasted that she was more fruitful than latona , apollo's mother . the thirty pigs , &c. he alludes to the white sow in virgil , who farrow'd thirty pigs . the grecian cant. women then learnt greek , as ours speak french. all the romans , even the most inferiour , and most infamous sort of them , had the power of making wills. go drag that slave , &c. these are the words of the wife . your reason why , &c. the answer of the husband . call'st thou that slave a man ? the wife again . hannibal . a famous carthaginian captain ; who was upon the point of conquering the romans . the good goddess . at whose feasts no men were to be present . nestor . who lived three hundred years . what singer , &c. he alludes to the story of p. clodius , who , disguis'd in the habit of a singing woman , went into the house of caesar , where the feast of the good goddess was celebrated ; to find an opportunity with caesar's wife pompeia . he taxes women with their loving eunuchs , who can get no children ; but adds that they only love such eunuchs , as are g●elded when they are already at the age of manhood . priapus . the god of lust. pollio . a famous singing boy . that such an actor whom they love might obtain the prize . th' auruspex . he who inspects the entrails of the sacrifice , and from thence , foretels the successor . vulcan . the god of smiths . tabours and trumpets , &c. the ancients thought that with such sounds , they cou'd bring the moon out of her eclipse . a mood and figure-bride . a woman who has learn'd logick . a woman-grammarian , who corrects her husband for speaking false latin , which is call'd breaking priscian's head. a train of these . that is , of she asses . sicilian tyrants . are grown to a proverb in latin , for their cruelty . this dressing up the head so high , which we call a tow'r , was an ancient way amongst the romans . bellona's priests were a sort of fortune-tellers ; and the high-priest an eunuch . and add beside , &c. a garment was given to the priest , which he threw into the river ; and that , they thought , bore all the sins of the people , which were drown'd with it . chaldaeans are thought to have been the first astrologers . otho succeeded galba in the empire ; which was foretold him by an astrologer . mars and saturn are the two unfortunate planets ; iupiter and venus , the two fortunate . ptolomy . a famous astrologer , an egyptian . the brachmans are indian philosophers , who remain to this day ; and hold , after pythagoras , the translation of souls from one body to another . to an aethiop's son. his meaning is , help her to any kind of slops , which may cause her to miscarry ; for fear she may be brought to bed of a black-moor , which thou , being her husband , art bound to father ; and that bastard may by law , inherit thy estate . his omen , &c. the romans thought it ominous to see a blackmoor in the morning , if he were the first man they met . caesonia , wife to caius caligula , the great tyrant : 't is said she gave him a love-potion , which flying up into his head , distracted him ; and was the occasion of his committing so many acts of cruelty . the thunderer , &c. the story is in homer ; where iuno borrow'd the girdle of venus , call'd cestos ; to make iupiter in love with her , while the grecians and trojans were fighting , that he might not help the latter . agrippina was the mother of the tyrant nero , who poyson'd her husband claudius , that nero might succeed , who was her son , and not britannicus , who was the son of claudius , by a former wife . the widow of drymon poison'd her sons , that she might succeed to their estate : this was done either in the poet's time , or just before it . medea , out of revenge to iason who had forsaken her , kill'd the children which she had by him . the belides . who were fifty sisters , marry'd to fifty young men , their cousin-germans ; and kill'd them all on their wedding-night , excepting hipermnestra , who sav'd her husband linus . clytemnestra . the wife of agamemnon , who , in favour to her adulterer estgyhus , was consenting to his murther . the seventh satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. charles dryden . argument of the seventh satyr . the hope and encouragement of all the learn'd , is only repos'd in caesar ; whether in domitian , nerva , or trajan , is left doubtful by the poet. the nobility , which in reason ought to patronize poetry , and reward it , are now grown sordidly covetous ; and think it enough for them barely to praise writers , or to write ill verses themselves . this gives occasion to our authour , to lament likewise , the hard fortune and necessities of other arts , and their professours . particularly historians , lawyers , rhetoricians , and grammarians . the seventh satyr . on caesar all our studies must depend ; for caesar is alone the muses friend : when now the celebrated wits , for need hire bagnio's , to the cryer's trade succeed , or get their own , by baking other's bread : or by the porter's lodge with beggars wait , for greazy fragments at the great man's gate . t is better , so ; if thy poetick fob refuse to pay an ordinary's club ; and much more honest , to be hir'd , and stand with auctionary hammer in thy hand , provoking to give more , and knocking thrice for the sold houshold stuff , or picture 's price ; exposing play-books , full of fustian lines , or the dull libraries of dead divines . ev'n this is better , tho 't is hardly got , than be a perjur'd witness of a plot , to swear he saw three inches through a door ; as asiatick evidences swore ; who hither coming , out at heels and knees , for this had pensions , titles , and degrees . henceforward let no poet fear to starve , caesar will give , if we can but deserve . tune all your lyres , the monarch's praise invites the lab'ring muse ; and vast reward excites . but if from other hands than his , you think to find supply , 't is loss of pen and ink : let flames on your unlucky papers prey , or moths through written pages eat their way : your wars , your loves , your praises , be forgot , and make of all an universal blot . the muses ground is barren desart all ; if no support from caesar's bounty fall ; the rest is empty praise , an ivy crown , or the lean statue of a starv'd renown . for now the cunning patron never pays ; but thinks he gives enough in giving praise , extols the poem , and the poet's vein , as boys admire the peacok's gawdy train : mean while thy manhood , fit for toils and wars , patient of seas , and storms , and houshold cares , ebbs out apace , and all thy strength impairs . old age , with silent pace , comes creeping on , nauseates the praise , which in her youth she won , and hates the muse by which she was undone . the tricks of thy base patron now behold , to spare his purse , and save his darling gold ; in his own coin the starving wit he treats ; himself makes verses , which himself repeats , and yields to homer , on no other score than that he liv'd a thousand years before . but if , to fame alone , thou dost pretend , the miser will his empty palace lend ; set wide his doors , adorn'd with plated brass , where droves , as at a city-gate may pass ; a spacious hall afford thee to reherse , and send his clients to applaud thy verse ; but not one far●●ing to defray the costs of carpenters , the pulpit , and the posts . house-room that costs him nothing , he bestow● yet still we scribble on , tho still we lose : we drudge , and cultivate with care , a ground where no return of gain was ever found : the charms of poetry our souls bewitch ; the curse of writing is an endless itch. but he whose noble genius is allow'd ; who with stretch'd pinions soars above the crow'd ; who mighty thought can cloath with manly dress , he , whom i fancy , but can ne're e●press ; such , such a wit , tho rarely to be found , must be secure from want , if not abound . nice is his make , impatient of the war , avoiding bus'ness , and abhorring care ; he must have groves ; and lonely fountains chuse , and easie solitudes to bait his muse ; unvex'd with thought of wants , which may betide , or for to morrow's dinner to provide . horace ne're wrote but with a rosie cheek ; his belly pamper'd , and his sides were sleek . a wit should have no care ; or this alone , to make his rising numbers justly run . phoebus and bacchus , those two jolly gods , bear no starv'd poets to their blest abodes . 't is not for hungry wit , with wants control'd , the face of iove in council to behold : or fierce alecto , when her brand she toss'd , betwixt the trojan , and rutilian hoast : if virgil's suit mecenas had not sped , and sent alexis to the poet's bed ; the crested snakes had dropt upon the ground and the loud trumpet languish'd in the sound . yet we expect that lappa's muse shou'd please , as much as did immortal sophocles : when he his dishes and his cloaths has sent to pawn , for payment of a quarter's rent : his patron numitor will nothing lend , pleads want of mony to his wretched friend , yet can large presents to his harlot send : can purchase a tame lion , and can treat the kingly slave with sev'ral sorts of meat : it seems , he thinks th' expence is more , to feast the famish'd poet , than the hungry beast . lucan , content with praise , may lye at ease in costly grots , and marble palaces : but to poor bassus what avails a name , to starve on compliments , and empty fame ? all rome is pleas'd , when statius will reherse , and longing crowds expect the promis'd verse : his lofty numbers with so great a gust they hear , and swallow with such eager lust : but , while the common suffrage crown'd his cause , and broke the benches with their loud applause ; his muse had starv'd , had not a piece unread , and by a player bought , supply'd her bread. he cou'd dispose of honours , and commands , the pow'r of rome , was in an actor's hands , the peaceful gown , and military sword : the bounteous play'r out-gave the pinching lord. and wouldst thou , poet , rise before the sun. and to his honour 's lazy levée run ? stick to the stage ; and leave thy fordid peer ; and yet heav'n knows , 't is earn'd with hardship there . the former age , did one mecenas see , one giving lord of happy memory . th●n , then , 't was worth a writer's pains , to pine , look pale , and all december tast no wine . such is the poet's lot : what luckier fate does on the works of grave historians wait ? more time they spend , in greater toils ingage ; their volumes swell beyond the thousandth page : for thus the laws of history command ; and much good paper suffers in their hand . what harvest rises from this labour'd ground ? where they get pence , a clerk can get a pound . a lazy tribe , just of the poet's pitch , who think themselves above the growing rich. next shew me the well-lung'd civilian's gain , who bears in triumph an artillery train of chancery libels ; opens first the cause , then with a picklock-tongue perverts the laws ; talks loud enough in conscience for his fee , takes care his client , all his zeal may see ; twitch'd by the sleeve , he mouths it more and more , till with white froth his gown is slaver'd o're . ask what he gains by all this lying prate , a captain 's plunder , trebbles his estate . the magistrate assumes his awful seat ; stand forth pale ajax , and thy speech repeat : assert thy clients freedom ; bawl , and tear so loud , thy country-judge at least may hear , if not discern ; and when thy lungs are sore , hang up the victor's garland at thy door : ask , for what price thy venial tongue was sold ; a rusty gammon of some sev'n years old : tough , wither'd treuffles ; ropy wine , a dish of shotten herrings , or stale stinking fish. for four times talking , if one piece thou take , that must be cantled , and the judge go snack . 't is true , emilius takes a five-fold fee , tho some plead better , with more law than he : but then he keeps his coach , six flanders mares draw him in state , when ever he appears : he shews his statue too , where plac'd on high , the ginnet , underneath him , seems to fly ; while with a lifted spear , in armour bright , his aiming figure meditates a fight . with arts like these , rich matho when he speaks , attracts all fees , and little lawyers breaks . tongillus , very poor , has yet an itch of gaining wealth , by feigning to be rich ; baths often , and in state , and proudly vain , sweeps through the streets , with a long dirty train : from thence , with lackeys running by his side , high on the backs of brawny slaves will ride , in a long litter , through the market-place ; and with a nod the distant rabble grace : clad in a gown , that glows with tyrian dye , surveys rich moveables with curious eye , beats down the price , and threatens still to buy . nor can i wonder at such tricks as these , the purple garments raise the lawyer 's fees : and sell him dearer to the fool that buys ; high pomp , and state , are useful properties . the luxury of rome will know no end ; for still the less we have , the more we spend . trust eloquence to shew our parts , and breeding ! not t●lly now cou'd get ten groats by pleading ; unless the diamond glitter'd on his hand ; wealth 's all the rhetorick clients understand : without large equipage , and loud expence , the prince of orators would scarce speak sense . paulus , who with magnificence did plead , grew rich , while tatter'd gallus begg'd his bread. who to poor basilus his cause would trust , tho ne're so full of pity , ne're so just ▪ his clients , unregarded , claim their due : for eloquence in rags was never true . go wretch , thy pleadings into africk send ; or france , where merit never needs a friend . but oh , what stock of patience wants the fool , who wasts his time and breath in teaching school ! to hear the speeches of declaiming boys , deposing tyrants with eternal noise : sitting , or standing , still confin'd to roar in the same verse , the same rules o're and o're : what kind the speech , what colours , how to purge objections , state the case , and reasons urge . all would learn these ; but at the quarter day , few parents will the pedant's labour pay . pay , sir , for what ? the scholar knows no more at six months end , than what he knew before : taught , or untaught , the dunce is still the same , yet still the wretched master bears the blame . once ev'ry week , poor hannibal is maul'd ; the theme is giv'n , and straight the council's call'd , whether he should to rome directly go to reap the fruit of the dire overthrow ; or into quarters put his harrass'd men till spring returns , and take the field agen , the murder'd master cryes , would parents hear but half that stuff , which i am bound to bear , for that revenge i 'le quit the whole arrear . the same complaints most other pedants make ; plead real causes , and the feign'd forsake : medea's poyson , iason's perjury , and philomela's rape , are all laid by ; th' accusing stepdame , and the son accus'd : but if my friendly counsel might be us'd , let not the learn'd , this course or t'other try , but , leaving both , profess plain poverty : and shew his tally for the dole of bread , with which the parish-poor are daily fed : ev'n that exceeds the price of all thy pains . now look into the musick master's gains , where noble youth at vast expence is taught : but eloquence not valu'd at a groat . on sumptuous baths the rich their wealth bestow , or some expensive airy portico ; where safe from show'rs , they may be born in state , and free from tempests , for fair weather wait : or rather , not expect the clearing sun , through thick and thin , their equipage must run : or staying , 't is not for their servants sake , but that their mules no prejudice may take . at the walks end , behold , how rais'd on high , a banquet-house salutes the southern skye ; where from afar , the winter sun displays the milder influence of his weaken'd rays . the cook , and sewer , each his tallent tries ; in various figures scenes of dishes rise : besides , a master-cook , with greazy fist , dives in luxurious sawces to the wrist ▪ amidst this wastful riot , there accrews but poor ten shillings for quintilian's dues : for , to breed up the son to common sence is evermore the parents least expence . from whence then comes quintilian's vast estate ? because he was the darling son of fate ; and luck , in scorn of merit made him great . urge not th' example of one single man , as rare as a white crow , or sable swan , quintilian's fate was to be counted wise , rich , noble , fair , and in the state to rise : good fortune grac'd his action , and his tongue ; his colds became him , and when hoarse he sung. o , there 's strange difference , what planets shed their influence , on the new-born infant 's head ! 't is fate that casts the dice , and as she flings , of kings makes pedants , and of pedants kings . what made ventidius rise , and tullus great , but their kind stars , and hidden pow'r of fate ? few pedagogues , but curse the barren chair ; like him , who hang'd himself for meer despair and poverty ; or him , whom caius sent for liberty of speech to banishment . ev'n socrates in rags at athens taught , and wanted to defray the deadly draught . in peace , ye shades of our great grandsires rest , no heavy earth your sacred bones molest : eternal spring , and rising flow'rs adorn the relicks of each venerable urn , who pious reverence to their tutors paid , as parents honour'd , and as gods obey'd . achilles , grown in stature , fear'd the rod , and stood corrected at the centaur's nod ; his tender years in learning did employ , and promis'd all the hero in the boy . the scene 's much alter'd in the modern school , the boys of rufus call their master fool ; a just revenge on him , who durst defame the merit of immortal tully's name . but ask , what fruit palemon's pains have earn'd , or who , has paid the price of what he learn'd ; though grammar profits less than rhetorick are , yet ev'n in those his usher claims a share ; besides the servants wages must be paid : thus of a little , still a less is made : as merchants gains come short , of half the mart , for he who drives their bargains , dribs a part . the covetous father now includes the night , and cov'nants , thou shalt teach by candle-light ; when puffing smiths , and ev'ry painful trade of handycrafts in peaceful beds are laid : then , thou art bound to smell on either hand as many stinking lamps , as school-boys stand ; where horace could not read in his own sully'd book : and virgil's sacred page is all besmear'd with smoke : but when thou dun'st their parents , seldom they without a suit before the tribune , pay , and yet hard laws upon the master lay . be sure he knows exactly grammar rules , and all the best historians read in schools ; all authours , ev'ry poet to an hair ; that , ask'd the question , he may scarce despair , to tell , who nurst anchises ; or to name anchemolus's stepmother , and whence she came : how long acestes liv'd , what stores of wine he gave to the departing trojan line . bid him besides , his daily pains employ to form the tender manners of the boy ; and work him , like a waxen babe , with art to perfect symmetry , in ev'ry part : to be his better parent , to beware no young obscenities his strength impair , no mutual filth ; to mark his hands and eyes , distorted with unnatural extasies : this be thy task ; and yet for all thy pains at the years end , expect no greater gains , than what a fencer at a prize , obtains . the end of the seventh satyr . explanatory notes on the seventh satyr . a statue erected in honour of a poet. ( pulpit . ) in which the poets rehears'd . ( horace . ) a famous poet , who was in great favour with the emperour augustus caesar , by the means of his patron mecaenas . one of the three furies . ( mecenas . ) a favourite to augustus , and a great patron of poets . mecenas his boy ; with whom virgil was in love. rubraenus lapp . a poor tragick poet. ( sophocles . ) an excellent poet of athens , who wrote greek tragedies . ( numitor. ) a rich nobleman of rome . ( lucan . ) a great poet , who was put to death by nero , partly out of envy to his poetry , partly , for being in a plot with his unckle seneca and piso. salejus bassus . a poor poet. statius . sirnam'd rapinius , a famous poet in the time of caesar domitian . paris , a famous actor ; and favourite to domitian ; the patron of statius . the romans celebrated their gr●●t holydays , call'd 〈◊〉 in december ; when every one drank freely ; and the slaves were in a manner , masters . or rather a publick notary . in those times the lawyers got little . alluding to that of ovid ; consedere duces , &c. when an orator had won a cause ; a garland was hung up , before his door . treuffles , in english , call'd ground chest-nuts , or pignuts : but perhaps the authour means onyons , or scallions . emilius . a rich lawyer . marcus tullius cicero . the greatest orator that ever rome bred. paulus . was a rich lawyer , basilus and gallus were very poor . france and affrica were then , famous for great lawyers , and fat fees. the victory obtain'd by hannibal at cannae ; after which , if he had immediately attempted rome , in all probability , he had carried it . ( medea . ) a notable sorceress , daughter of aetes king of colchos , and wife to iason , who left her afterwards , and married another . ( philomela . ) daughter of pandion king of athens , was ravish'd by tereus king of thrace , who cut out her tongue that she might not disclose the secret. ( stepdame ) phaedra wife of theseus , who fell in love with her son in law hippolytus , and because she could not obtain her ends of him , accus'd him to his father that he would have forc'd her . in any dole , made by the emperour or one of the city magistrates , the poor citizens had each a talley given them ; which they shew'd first , and then receiv'd their proportion . quintilian . a famous man both in rhetorick and oratory , who taught school in the times of galba , domitian , and trajan , and receiv'd his salary out of the emperour's treasury . uentidius bassus was lieutenant to marc antony ; and the first who beat the parthians in three battels . ( tullus ) here is meant tullus servius , one of the roman kings . ( him. ) thrasymachus , a rhetorician of carthage , who hang'd himself by reason of his poverty . ( or him. ) secundus carinas ; who ws banish'd from rome , by the emperour caligula , for declaiming against tyrants . when socrates was condemn'd to dye by poyson , he wanted money to pay for the juice of hemlock which he was to drink ; and desir'd one of his friends , to lay it down for him , and satisfie the fees of the executioner . ( achilles . ) the son of peleus and thetis , who had chiron the centaur for his tutor . rufus call'd tully an allobroge ; as if his latine were barbarous , and not truly roman . ( palemon . ) a poor grammarian , but of great esteem . ( virgil ) sirnam'd maro ; the favourite poet of augustus caesar. ( tribune ) here is meant tribunus aerarius , who took cognizance only of causes of less moment , not the tribunus plebis , as britannicus imagin'd . anchises . was father of aeneas the trojan , who was the founder of rome . anchemolus . the son of rhaetus , a king in italy , ravish'd his stepmother casperia . a king of sicily ; who kindly entertain'd aenaeas in his voyage . the people were us'd at their sword-plays , to gather money for the conquerour . the eighth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. g. stepny , fellow of trinity college in cambridge . argument of the eighth satyr . in this satyr , the poet proves that no●ility do●s not confist in statues and pedigrees , but in honourable and good actions : he lashes rubellius plancus , for being insolent , by reason of his high ●irth ; and lays do●n ●n i●sta●ce t●●t 〈◊〉 ought to make the like iudgment of men , as we do of horses , who are valued rather according to their personal qualities , than by the race of whence they co●● . he ad●ises his n●ble friend ponticus ( to whom he dedicates the satyr ) to lead a virtuous life , disswading him from debauchery , luxury , oppression , cruelty , and other vices , by his severe censures on lateranus , damasippus , gr●cchus , nero , catiline ; and in opposition to these , displays the worth of persons meanly born , such as cicero , marius , servius tullius , and the decii . the eighth satyr . what 's the advantage , or the real good , in traceing from the source our ancient blood ? to have our ancestors in paint or stone preserv'd as reliques , or , like monsters , shewn ? the brave aemilii , as in triumph plac'd , the virtuous curii , half by time defac'd ; corvinus , with a mouldring nose , that bears injurious scars , ( the sad effects of years ; ) and galba grinning without nose or ears ? vain are their hopes , who fancy to inherit by trees of pedigrees , of fame , or merit ; tho plodding heralds through each branch may trace old captains and dictators of their race , while their ill lives that family belye , and grieve the brass which stands dishonour'd by . 't is meer burlesque , that to our gen'rals praise , their progeny immortal statues raise , yet ( far from that old gallantry ) delight to game before their images all night , and steal to bed at the approach of day , the hour when these their ensigns did display . why shou'd soft eabius impudently bear names gain'd by conquests in the gallic war ? why lays he claim to hercules his strain , yet dares be base , effeminate , and vain ? the glorious altar to that hero built , adds but a greater lustre to his guilt , whose tender limbs , and polisht skin , disgrace the grisly beauty of his manly race ; and who by practising the dismal skill of poys'ning , and such treacherous ways to kill , makes his unhappy kindred-marble sweat , when his degenerate head by theirs is set . long galleries of ancestors , and all those follies which ill-grace a country-hall , challenge no wonder or esteem from me ; " virtue alone is true nobility . live therefore well : to men and gods appear , such as good paulus , cossus , drusus were ; and in thy consular triumphal shew , let these before thy father's statues go ; place 'em before the ensigns of the state , as chusing rather to be good than great . convince the world that you 're devout and true , be just in all you say , and all you do ; whatever be your birth , you 're sure to be a peer of the first magnitude to me : rome for your sake shall push her conquests on , and bring new titles home from nations won , to dignifie so eminent a son : with your blest name shall every region sound , loud as mad egypt , when her priests have found a new osyris , for the ox they drown'd . but who will call those noble , who deface , by meaner acts , the glories of their race ; whose only title to their father's fame is couch'd in the dead letters of their name ? a dwarf as well may for a gyant pass ; a negro for a swan ; a crook-back'd lass be call'd europa ; and a cur may bear the name of tyger , lion , or what-e're denotes the noblest or the fiercest beast : be therefore careful , lest the world in jeast shou'd thee just so with the mock-titles greet , of camerinus , or of conquer'd crete . to whom is this advice and censure due ? rubellius plancus , 't is apply'd to you ; who think your person second to divine , because descended from the drusian line ; tho yet you no illustrious act have done to make the world distinguish iulia's son from the vile offspring of a trull , who sits by the town-wall , and for her living knits . you are poor rogues ( you cry ) the baser scum and inconsiderable dregs of rome ; who know not from what corner of the earth the obscure wretch , who got you , stole his birth : mine , i derive from cecrops — may your grace live , and enjoy the splendour of your race — . yet of these base plebeians we have known some , who , by charming eloquence , have grown great senators , and honours to that gown : some at the bar with subtilty defend the cause of an unlearned noble friend ; or on the bench the knotty laws untye : others their stronger youth to arms apply , go to euphrates , or those forces join which garrison the conquests near the rhine . while you , rubellius , on your birth relye ; tho you resemble your great family no more , than those rough statues on the road ( which we call mercuries ) are like that god : your blockhead tho excels in this alone , you are a living statue , that of stone . great son of troy , who ever prais'd a beast for being of a race above the rest , but rather meant his courage , and his force ? to give an instance — we commend an horse ( without regard of pasture , or of breed ) for his undaunted mettle and his speed ; who wins most plates with greatest ease , and first prints with his hoofs his conquest on the dust. but if fleet dragon's progeny at last proves jaded , and in frequent matches cast , no favour for the stallion we retain , and no respect for the degenerate strain ; the worthless brute is from new-market brought , and at an under-rate in smith-field bought , to turn a mill , or drag a loaded life beneath two panniers , and a baker's wife . that we may therefore you , not yours , admire ; first , sir , some honour of your own acquire ; add to that stock which justly we bestow on those blest shades to whom you all things owe. this may suffice the haughty youth to shame , whose swelling veins ( if we may credit fame ) burst almost with the vanity and pride , that their rich flood to nero's is ally'd : the rumour 's likely ; for " we seldom find " much sence with an exalted fortune join'd . but , ponticus , i wou'd not you shou'd raise your credit by hereditary praise ; let your own acts immortalize your name ; " 't is poor relying on another's fame ; for , take the pillars but away , and all the superstructure must in ruins fall ; as a vine droops , when by divorce remov'd from the embraces of the elm she lov'd . be a good souldier , or upright trustee , an arbitrator from corruption free , and if a witness in a doubtful cause , where a brib'd judge means to elude the laws ; tho phalaris his brazen bull were there , and he wou'd dictate what he 'd have yuo swear , be not so profligate , but rather chuse to guard your honour , and your life to lose , rather than let your virtue be betray'd ; virtue , the noble cause for which you 're made . " improperly we measure life by breath ; " such do not truly live who merit death ; tho they their wanton sences nicely please with all the charms of luxury and ease ; tho mingled flow'rs adorn their careless brow , and round 'em costly sweets neglected flow ; as if they in their funeral state were laid , and to the world , as they 're to virtue , dead . when you the province you expect , obtain , from passion and from avarice refrain ; let our associates poverty provoke thy generous heart not to encrease their yoke , since riches cannot rescue from the ●nave , which claims alike the monarch and the slave to what the laws enjoin , submission pay ▪ and what the senate shall command , obey ; think what rewards upon the good attend , and how those fall unpitied who offend : tutor and capito may warnings be , who felt the thunder of the states decree for robbing the cilicians , tho they ( like lesser pikes ) only subsist on prey . but what avails the rigour of their doom ? which cannot future violence o'recome , nor give the miserable province ●ase ▪ since what one plund'rer left , the next will seize ▪ cherippus then , in time your self bethink , and what your rags will yield by auction , sink ; ne're put your self to charges to complain of wrongs which 〈◊〉 you did sustain ; make not a voyage to detect the theft , " 't is mad to lavish what their rapine lest . when rome at first our rich allies subdu'd , from gentle taxes noble spoils accru'd ; each wealthy province , but in part opprest , thought the loss trivial , and enjoy'd the rest . all treasuries did then with heaps abound ; in every wardrobe costly silks were found ; the least apartment of the meanest house cou'd all the wealthy pride of art produce ; pictures which from parrhasius did receive motion and warmth ; and statues taught to live ; some polyclete's , some myron's work declar'd , in others phidia's masterpiece appear'd ; and crowding plate did on the cupboard stand , emboss'd by curious mentor's artful hand . prizes like these oppressors might invite , these dolabella's rapine did excite , these anthony for his own theft thought fit , verres for these did sacriledge commit ; and when their reigns were ended , ships full fraught the hidden fruits of their exaction brought , which made in peace , a treasure richer far , than what is plunder'd in the rage of war. this was of old ; but our confederates now have nothing left but oxen for the plough , or some few mares reserv'd alone for breed ; yet lest this provident design succeed , they drive the father of the herd away , making both stallion , and his pasture , prey . their rapine is so abject and prophane , they nor from trifles , nor from gods refrain ; but the poor lares from the niches seize , if they be little images that please . such are the spoils which now provoke their theft , and are the greatest , nay they 're all that 's left . thus may you corinth , or weak rhodes oppress , who dare not bravely what they feel , redress : ( for how can fops thy tyranny controul " smooth limbs are symptoms of a servile soul ) but trespass not too far on sturdy spain , sclavonia , france ; thy gripes from those restrain , who with their sweat rome's luxury maintain ; and send us plenty , while our wanton day is lavish'd at the circus , or the play. for , shou'd you to extortion be inclin'd , your cruel guilt will little booty find , since gleaning marius has already seiz'd all that from sun-burnt africk can be squees'd . but above all , " be careful to with-hold " your tallons from the wretched and the bold ; " tempt not the brave and needy to despair ; " for , tho your violence shou'd leave 'em bare " of gold and silver , swords and darts remain , " and will revenge the wrongs which they sustain , " the plundred still have arms. — think not the precept i have here laid down a fond , uncertain notion of my own ; no , 't is a sibyl's leaf what i relate , as fixt and sure , as the decrees of fate . let none but men of honour you attend ; chuse him that has most virtue for your friend , and give no way to any darling youth to sell your favour , and pervert the truth . reclaim your wife from stroling up and down , to all assizes , and through every town , with claws like harpies , eager for the prey ; ( for which your justice , and your fame will pay ▪ ) keep your self free from scandals such as these ; then trace your birth from picus , if you please : if he 's too modern , and your pride aspire to seek the author of your being higher , chuse any titan who the gods withstood ▪ to be the founder of your ancient blood , prometheus , and that race before the flood , or any other story you can find from heralds , or in poets , to your mind . but shou'd you prove ambitious , lustful , vain ; or cou'd you see with pleasure and disdain , rods broke on our associates bleeding backs , and heads-men lab'ring till they blunt their ax : your father's glory will your sin proclaim , and to a clearer light expose your shame ; " for , still more publick scandal vice extends , " as he is great and noble who offends . how dare you then your high extraction plead ? yet blush not when you go to forge a deed , in the same temple which your grandsire built , making his statue privy to the guilt . or in a bawdy masquerade are led muffled by night to some polluted bed. fat lateranus does his revels keep where his fore-fathers peaceful ashes sleep ; driving himself a chariot down the hill , and ( tho a consul ) links himself the wheel : to do him justice , 't is indeed by night , yet the moon sees , and ev'ry smaller light pries as a witness of the shameful sight : nay when his year of honour 's ended , soon he 'll leave that nicety , and mount at noon ; nor blush shou'd he some grave acquaintance meet , but , ( proud of being known ) will jerk and greet : and when his fellow-beasts are weary grown , he 'll play the groom , give oats , and rub 'em down . if after numa's ceremonial way he at iove's altar wou'd a victim slay , to no clean goddess he directs his pray'rs ▪ but by hippona most devoutly swears , or some rank deity whose filthy face we suitably o're stinking stables place . when he has run his length , and does begin to steer his course directly for the inn ( where they have watch'd , expecting him all night ) a greasie syrian , e're he can alight , presents him essence , while his courteous host ( well knowing nothing by good breeding's lost ) tags every sentence with some fawning word , such as my king , my prince , at least my lord ; and a tight maid , e're he for wine can ask , guesses his meaning , and unoils the flask . some ( friends to vice ) industriously defend these innocent diversions , and pretend that i the tricks of youth too roughly blame , alledging that , when young , we did the same . i grant we did ; yet when that age was past , the frolick humour did no longer last ; we did not cherish and indulge the crime : what 's foul in acting , shou'd be left in time . t is true , some faults , of course , with childhood end , we therefore wink at wags when they offend ▪ and spare the boy , in hopes the man may mend . but lateranus ( now his vig'rous age shou'd prompt him for his country to engage , the circuit of our empire to extend , and all our lives , in caesar's , to defend ) mature in riots , places his delight all day in plying bumpers , and at night reels to the bawds , over whose doors are set pictures and bills , with here are whores to let . shou'd any desperate unexpected fate summon all heads and hands to guard the state , caesar , send quickly to secure the port ; but where 's the general ? where does he resort ? send to the sutler's ; there you 're sure to find the bully match'd with rascals of his kind , quacks , coffin-makers ; fugitives and sailers ; rooks , common-souldiers , hangmen , thieves and tailers ; with cybele's priests , who , wearied with processions , drink there , and sleep with knaves of all professions . a friendly gang ! each equal to the best ▪ and all , who can , have liberty to jest ▪ one flaggon walks the round , ( that none shou'd think they either change , or stint him of his drink ) and lest exceptions may for place be found , their stools are all alike , their table round . what think you , ponticus , your self might do , shou'd any slave , so lewd , belong to you ? no doubt , you 'd send the rogue in fetters bound , to work in bridewell , or to plough your ground : but , nobles , you who trace your birth from troy , think , you the great prerogative enjoy of doing ill , by virtue of that race ; as if what we esteem in coblers base , wou'd the high family of brutus grace . shameful are these examples , yet we find ( to rome's disgrace ) far worse than these behind : poor damasippus , whom we once have known flutt'ring with coach and six about the town , is forc'd to make the stage his last retreat , and pawns his voice , the all he has , for meat : for now he must ( since his estate is lost ) or represent , or be himself , a ghost : and lentulus acts hanging with such art , were i a judge , he shou'd not feign the part . nor wou'd i their vile insolence acquit , who can with patience , nay diversion , sit , applauding my lord's buffoonry for wit. and clapping farces , acted by the court , while the peers cuff , to make the rabble sport : or hirelings , at a prize , their fortunes try ; certain to fall unpity'd if they dye ; since none can have the favourable thought that to obey a tyrant's will they fought , but that their lives they willingly expose , bought by the praetors to adorn their shows . yet say the stage and lists were both in sight , and you must either chuse to act , or fight ; death never sure bears such a ghastly shape , that a rank coward basely wou'd escape by playing a foul harlot's jealous tool , or a feign'd andrew to a real fool. yet a peer-actor is no monstrous thing , since rome has own'd a fidler for a king : after such pranks , the world it self at best may be imagin'd nothing but a jest. go to the lists where feats of arms are shown , there you 'll find gracchus , ( from patrician , ) grown a fencer , and the scandal of the town . nor will he the mirmillo's weapons bear , the modest helmet he disdains to wear ; as retiarius he attacks his foe ; first waves his trident ready for the throw , next casts his net , but neither levell'd right , he stares about , expos'd to publick sight , then places all his safety in his flight . room for the noble gladiator ! see his coat and hatband shew his quality ; thus when at last the brave mi●millo knew 't was gracchus was the wretch he did pursue , to conquer such a coward griev'd him more , than if he many glorious wounds had bore . had we the freedom to express our mind , there 's not a wretch so much to vice inclin'd , but will own seneca did far excell his pupil , by whose tyranny he fell : to expiate whos 's complicated guilt , with some proportion to the blood he spilt , rome shou'd more serpents , apes , and sacks provide than one , for the compendious parricide . 't is true orestes a like crime did act ; yet weigh the cause , there 's difference in the fact : he slew his mother at the god's command , they bid him strike , and did direct his hand to punish falsehood , and appease the ghost of his poor father treacherously lost , just in the minute when the flowing bowl with a full tide inlarg'd his chearful soul. yet kill'd he not his sister , or his wife , nor aim'd at any near relation's life : orestes , in the heat of all his rage , ne're play'd , or sung upon a publick stage ; never on verse did his wild thoughts employ , to paint the horrid scene of burning troy , like nero , who to raise his fancy higher , and finish the great work , set rome on fire . such crimes make treason just , and might compel virginius , vindex , galba , to rebel : for what cou'd nero's self have acted worse , to aggravate the wretched nation 's curse . these are the blest endowments , studies , arts , which exercise our mighty emperour's parts ; such frollicks with his roving genius suit , on forreign theaters to prostitute his voice and honour , for the poor renown of putting all the grecian actors down , and winning at a wake their parsley-crown . let this triumphal chaplet find some place among the other trophies of thy race ; by the domitii's statues shall be laid the habit and the mask in which you play'd antigone's , or bold thyestes part , ( while your wild nature little wanted art ) and on the marble pillar shall be hung the lute to which the royal mad●mn sung. who , catiline , can boast a nobler line , than thy lewd friend cethegus his , and thine ? yet you took arms , and did by night conspire to set our houses , and our gods on fire : ( an enterprise which might indeed become our enemies , the gauls , not sons of rome , to recompence whose barbarous intent pitch'd shirts wou'd be too mild a punishment ) but tully , our wise consul , watch'd the blow , with care discover'd , and disarm'd the foe : tully , the humble mushroom , scarcely known : the lowly native of a country town , ( who till of late cou'd never reach the height of being honour'd as a roman knight ) throughout the trembling city plac'd a guard , dealing an equal share to every ward , and by the peaceful robe got more renown within our walls , than young octavius won by victories at actium , or the plain of thessaly discolour'd by the slain : him therefore rome in gratitude decreed the father of his country , which he freed . marius ( another consul we admire ) in the same village born , first plow'd for hire ; his next advance was to the souldiers trade , where , if he did not nimbly ply the spade , his surly officer ne're fail'd to crack his knotty cudgel on his tougher back . yet he alone secur'd the tott'ring state , withstood the cimbrians , and redeem'd our fate : so when the eagles to their quarry flew ( who never such a goodly banquet knew ) only a second lawrel did adorn his collegue catulus , tho nobly born ; he shar'd the pride of the triumphal bay , but marius won the glory of the day . from a mean stock the pious decii came , small their estates , and vulgar was their name ; yet such their virtue , that their loss alone for rome and all our legions did attone ; their countries doom , they by their own , retriev'd , themselves more worth than all the host they sav'd . the last good king whom willing rome obey'd , was the poor offspring of a captive maid ; yet he those robes of empire justly bore which romulus our sacred founder wore : nicely he gain'd , and well possest the throne , not for his father's merits but his own , and reign'd , himself a family alone . when tarquin , his proud successor , was quell'd , and with him lust and tyranny expell'd ; the consuls sons ( who for their countries good , and to inhaunce the honour of their blood , shou'd have asserted what their father won ; and , to confirm that liberty , have done actions which cocles might have wish'd his own ; what might to mutius wonderful appear ; and what bold clelia might with envy hear ) open'd the gates , endeavouring to restore their banish'd king , and arbitrary power . whilst a poor slave , with scarce a name , betray'd the horrid ills these well-born rogues had laid ; who therefore for their treason justly bore the rods and ax , ne're us'd in rome before . if you have strength achilles arms to bear , and courage to sustain a ten years war ; tho foul * thersites got thee , thou shalt be more lov'd by all , and more esteem'd by me , than if by chance you from some hero came , in nothing like your father but his name . boast then your blood , and your long lineage stretch as high as rome , and its great founders reach ; you 'll find , in these hereditary tales , your ancestors the scum of broken jayls : and romulus , your honours ancient source , but a poor shepherds boy , or something worse . the end of the eighth satyr . advertisement . the translator of juvenal's th satyr industrously avoided imposing upon the reader , and perplexing the printer with tedious common-place notes ; but finding towards the latter end many examples of noble-men who disgraced their ancestors by vicious practices , and of men meanly born who innobled their families by virtuous and brave actions , he thought some historical relations were necessary towards rendring those instances more intelligible ; which is all he pretends to by his remarks . he wou'd gladly have left out the heavy passage of the mirmillo and retiarius , which he honestly confesses he either does not rightly understand , or cannot sufficiently explain . if he has not confin'd himself to the strict rules of translation , but has frequently taken the liberty of imitating , paraphrasing , or reconciling the roman customs to our modern vsage ▪ he hopes this freedom is pardonable , since he has not us'd it , but when he found the original flat , obscure , or defective ; and where the humour and connexion of the author might naturally allow of such a change. explanatory notes on the eighth satyr . the family of the fabii were descended of hercules ( in honour of whom the romans built a temple in the foro boario . ) fabius maximus in remembrance of his services in the wars , against the people of provence , languedoc , dauphiny ▪ and other provinces of france ( formerly known by the name of allobroges ) was sirnamed allobrogicus ; which title his son wou'd have assumed , whom our author here censures , as a man of an effeminate person , a profligate life , and of dangerous practices . brave and virtuous romans . the rods and ax , which were carry'd in processions , as badges of the consular dignity . such as getulicus , africanus , numantinus , creticus . osyris , for teaching the aegyptians husbandry , had a temple built at memphis ; where he was worshipt in the shape of an ox , which the priests used to drown at a certain age ; and gave out , their god was withdrawn , and absented himself for a few days ; during which time 't was their custom to go mourning and searching up and down , till they found another ox to supply his place , and then they broke out with these exclamations , we have found him , let 's rejoyce . the first king of athens . i have taken the liberty to give this simile a modern air , because it happens to agree exactly with the humour of our author . ( meaning your ancestors . ) rubellius plancus . phalaris was a tyrant of agrigentum in sicily ; to flatter whose cruelty , perillus invented a brazen bull , wherein people might be roasted alive , and their cries were not unlike the bellowings of an ox : but the tyrant had the justice to reward the artizen as he deserv'd , by making him first try the experiment . pag. . improperly we measure life by breath , &c. this and the following verses are a sort of paraphrase upon lines of the original , which i was forced to enlarge , because the sence of the author is too close and obscure . ( speaking to ponticus ) ( any poor man who is oppress'd . ) famous painters , statuaries , and other artizens . proconsuls of asia and sicily . returning to ponticus . the inhabitants of these places were effeminate , and easie to be enslav'd . the people of africk , who supply'd rome with corn. marius priscus . the first king of the latins . the poet in this place speaks neither to rubellius nor pontic●● , but in general to any perjur'd , or debauch'd nobleman . numa pompilius ( the second king of rome ) the better to civilize the savage humour of the people , first introduc'd among them the fear and worship of the gods , and instituted the rites and ceremonies of priests , oaths , and sacrifices . hippona was the goddess of jockies and horses . ostia , the mouth of the river tyber . meaning nero , whom he censures severely in the pages following , fig. . this period is perplext , and i fear will not be understood in our language , being only a description of the roman gladiators , who were of two sorts , and had different names according to the arms and habit they appear'd with , one fought with a cymiter in his right hand ▪ a target on his left arm , and an helmet on his head ; he was call'd mirmillo , or secutor . the other wore a short coat without sleeves ▪ call'd tunica ; a hat on his head ; he carried in his right hand a javelin fork'd like a trident , call'd fuscina ; and on his left arm a nett , in which he endeavour'd to catch his adversary , and from thence was call'd retiarius . the meaning of the poet , is , to reprehend gracchus ( whom he had before rebuked in the d satyr ) for vices at once : for his baseness , for as much as being a nobleman he will condescend to fight upon the publick theater : for his impudence , in not chusing an habit which might have kept him disguis'd , and hindred him from being known : and for his cowardise , in running away . for the clearer understanding of what follows , it may be necessary to give a short abridgment of nero's cruelties , follies , and end : which may be found at large in his life , written by suetonius and tacitus , and in the continuation which mr. saville has added to his translation of the last of these authors , by way of supplement to what is wanting betwixt the annals and the history . but i shall only relate what i find mention'd in this satyr , and shall begin with his parricides . upon suspicion that seneca his tutor , had some knowledge of the conspiracy which piso was carrying on against his person , nero laid hold on this oportunity to rid himself of the uneasie censurer of his vices , yet allow'd him the liberty of chusing the manner of his death . seneca was apprehensive of pain , and therefore desired to have his veins opened , which he judg'd might be the most easie and pleasant method of dying : but finding it too tedious , he prevail'd with his friend and phisitian , annaeus statius , to give him a draught of poyson ; which too operating very slowly , by reason his veins were exhausted , and his limbs chill'd , the standers by , to make quicker dispatch , smother'd him with the steem of an hot bath . iuvenal not unjustly places this murder of seneca among nero's parricides , since a tutor ought to be esteem'd as a civil parent . this bold thought and expression of iuvenal is grounded on the roman laws whereby par●icides were condemn'd to be sow'd up in a bag ( call'd cule●s ) with a cock , a monkey , a serpent , and a dog , and thrown together into the sea , or any neighbouring river . this punishment of drowning in a sack ▪ is still us'd in several parts of germany , but without the company of those creatures abovemention'd . the story of orestes ( betwixt whom and nero , iuvenal wou'd draw a parallell ) is this ; his mother clytemnestra finding her husband agamemnon was return'd alive from the siege of troy , and fearing he might revenge her amours with egystheus , with whom she had lived in adultery during her husband's absence , she thought the safest way might be , to assassinate agamemnon , by the help of egystheus , at his first reception , and before he cou'd suspect such an attempt . the manner how they dispatch'd him , is reported differently . some auth●rs relate that as he was changing his linnen , he was stifled in a shirt ●ow●d together at the neck . but homer in the th and th books of his odyssea , where he describes this murder , is of iuvenal's opinion , that he was kill'd at a banquet , when he little expected such treatment . egystheus after this murder married clytemnestra , and usurp'd the kingdom of mycena years : during which time orestes grew up to man's estate , and by the instigation of his sister electra , and the assistance of some neighbouring princes , march'd from athens , destroy'd and murther'd the usurper ; and at last , under pretence of being mad , stab'd his mother . homer ( as well as our author ) justifies this revenge , as being undertaken by the advice of the gods : and paterculus infers they must needs have approved the action , since orestes ( after it ) lived long , and reigned happily . nero cou'd not suffer his mother agrippina , because of her encroaching on his government ; for which reason he made frequent attempts upon her life , but without success , till at last anicetus his bondman undertook to stab her , which she perceiving , and guessing by whose orders he came , clapt her hand upon her belly , and bid him ( with great presence of mind ) strike there , supposing it deserv'd that punishment for bearing such a monster . he ordered his first wife octavia to be publickly executed , upon a false accusation of adultery , and kill'd his second wife poppaea , when she was big with child , by a kick on the belly . britannicus ( his brother by adoption ) was poison'd by his orders , out of jealousie lest he shou'd supplant him . and antonia ( claudius's daughter ) was executed under pretence of a conspiracy , but in truth because she refused to marry nero after the death of poppaea . he caus'd rufinus crispinus , son to poppaea , to be drown'd as he was fishing ; and aulus plancus , a relation of his mothers , to be kill'd because she was fond of him . i need mention no more of these unnatural murders , but go on to his other extravagancies . he was industrious to be esteem'd the best musitian of his age ; and at his death regretted nothing more sensibly , than that the world shou'd lose so great a master . to maintain this reputation , he frequently condescended to act and sing upon the theater among the ordinary comedians , and took a journey to greece on purpose to try his skill against the most famous artists of that country ; from whom he bore away the garland ( which was the usual recompence of the first performer ) return'd to rome in triumph , as if he had conquer'd a province ; and order'd both the garland and instrument to be hung up among the banners and honours of his family . he had likewise a great vanity towards being thought a good poet , and made verses on the destruction of troy , call'd troica ; and 't is reported he burnt rome to be more lively and natural in his description : tho 't is more probable he destroy'd the old-fashion'd buildings ▪ out of dislike to the narrowness and crookedness of the streets , and to have the honour of rebuilding the city better , and calling it by his own name . these monstrous frolicks and cruelties cou'd not but make his people weary of his government . virginius rufus , who was his lieutenant general in gaule , by the assistance of iunius vindex ( a nobleman of that country ) soon perswaded the armies under his command to fall from their allegiance ; and sollicited sergius galba , who was lieutenant general in spain , to do the like , by offering him the empire in favour of mankind ; which he at last accepted , upon intimation that nero had issued out secret orders to dispatch him ; and march'd with all the forces he cou'd gather , towards rome . nero not being in a condition to oppose such troops , fell into dispair , which turn'd to an uncertainty what measures to take , whether to poyson himself , or beg pardon of the people , or endeavour to make his escape . the last of these methods seem'd most adviseable ; he therefore put himself into disguise , and crept with four attendants only into a poor cottage ; where perceiving he was pursued , as a sacrifice to the publick vengeance , and apprehending the rabble wou'd treat him barbarously , if he fell into their hands ; with much adoe he resolv'd to stab himself . catiline's conspiracy is a story too well known to be insisted on : he was of a noble family , but by his extravagancies had reduced himself to great want , which engaged him in bad practices . the roman armies were then pursuing conquests in remote provinces , which catiline judg'd the most seasonable opportunity for undertaking some desperate design : he therefore entred into a conspiracy with cethegus , lentulus , and other senators , and persons considerable by their births and employments , to make themselves absolute masters of their country , by seizing the senate , plundering the treasury , and burning the city . incendiaries by the roman law were wrapt in a pitch'd coat ( which they call'd tunica molesta ) and burnt alive : as we see by tacitus ann. . § . where nero after having set rome on fire , lays the blame and punishment on the christians , by ordering them , with a cruel jest , to be light up , and serve as torches when it was dark . one fulvia ( whom livy calls a common whore , tho plutarch makes her pass for a lady of quality ) came to have some knowledge of this enterprize , and discover'd it to cicero , ( a person whom paterculus elegantly calls vir●m novitatis nobilissimae ; since he was a man of mean parentage , born at arpinum , an inconsiderable town among the volscians , but by his eloquence rais'd himself to the chief dignities of state , and happened to be consul at that time ) who assembled the senate , and by a severe oration accused and convicted catiline : however he , with a few of his party ▪ found means to make his escape towards tuscany , and put himself at the head of some troops which manlius had got together in those parts , threatning publickly that he wou'd put out the fire of the city by the ruins of it . in the mean time cethegus , lentulus , and several other complices were seiz'd and strangled in prison by order of the senate , at cato's perswasion : and caius antonius nepos , who was joint-consul with tully , march'd with what forces he cou'd raise against catiline , who in a sharp battle was kill'd upon the spot with most of his followers , and ( as paterculus observes ) quem spiritum supplicio debuerat , praelio reddidit . a promontory of epirus , near the island leucas , where antony and cleopatra were ruin'd by a famous sea-fight . the fields near philippi , in thessaly , where brutus and cassius were defeated . caius marius , was likewise born at arpinum , and of such poor parents , that he was first a plowman , then a common souldier , yet at last by his merit arrived to the highest employments . one while he was consul ( for that honour was times conferr'd on him ) the cimbria●s attempted to make an incursion into italy ; but he kill'd of them , and made prisoners ; for which victory , a triumph was ordain'd him by the senate ; but to decline the envy which might be rais'd by his good fortune , he sollicited that q. luctatius catulus , his collegue , who was of a noble family , might be permitted to triumph with him , tho he had no share in the action . among the romans there was a superstition , that if their general wou'd consent to be devoted , or sacrificed to iupiter , mars , the earth , and the infernal gods , all the misfortunes which otherwise might have hapned to his party , wou'd by his death be transfer'd on their enemies . this opinion was confirm'd by several successful instances , particularly two , in the persons of the decii , father and son here mention'd . the first being consul with manlius in the wars against the latins , and perceiving the left wing , which he commanded , gave back , he call'd out to valerius the high-priest to perform on him the ceremony of consecration , ( which we find describ'd by livy in his th book ) and immediately spurr'd his horse into the thickest of his enemies forces , where he was kill'd , and the roman army gain'd the battle . his son died in the same manner in the war against the gauls , and the romans likewise obtain'd the victory . servius tullus was son to oriculana , whom iuvenal calls a serving-maid , but livy supposes her to have been wife to a prince of corniculum , who was kill'd at the taking of the town , and his wife was carri'd away captive by tarquinius priscus , and presented as a slave to his wi●e tanaquil , in whose service she was deliver'd of this tullus . the family had a great respect for the child , because of a lambent fire they observ'd to play about his head while he slept , which was interpreted as an omen of his future greatness ; therefore care was taken of his education , and at last he was contracted to the king's daughter : whereupon a●cus martius his sons ( who were the true heirs of the crown ) fearing this marriage might hinder their succession , hired two shepherds to assassinate tarquinius , which they undertook , but cou'd not execute so dextrously as was expected ; for , the king lived some days after the blow was given , during which time tanaquil caus'd the gates of the pallace to be kept shut , and amused the people ( who were eager on a new election ) with assurances that the wound was not mortal , that the king was in a fair way of recovery , and till he cou'd appear abroad , required them to pay obedience to servius tullius : who by this means first got possession of the government in the king's name , and after his death usurp'd it years in his own . at last he was forced out of the senate by lucius tarquinius , thrown down stairs , and murder'd by his orders . livy adds this commendation , that with him iusta ac legitima regna occidêrunt ; which agrees with iuvenal's calling him the last good king ; for , tarquin , who reign'd years after him , was hated for his pride and cruelty , and for the barbarous rape which his son sextus committed on lucretia , wise to collatinus ; who by the help of l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their pre●ensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . ( ) tarquin , who reign'd years after him , was hated for his pride and cruelty , and for the barbarous rape which his son sextus committed on lucretia , wi●e to collatinus ; who by the help of l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their precensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . ( ) l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their precensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . ( ) titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . vindicius , a slave who waited at table , by chance overheard part of their discourse ; and comparing these circumstances with some others he had observ'd in their former conferences , he went streight to the consul 's , and told what he had discover'd . orders were immediately issued out for searching the embassadors , the letters abovemention'd were intercepted , the criminals seiz'd , and the proof being evident against them , they suffered the punishment ( which was newly introduced ) of being tyed naked to a stake , where they were firs● 〈◊〉 by t●e lictors , then beheaded : and brutus , by virtue of his office , was unhappily obliged to see this rigorous sentence executed on his old children . to pursue the story ; the tarquins finding their plot had miscarried , and fearing nothing cou'd be done by treachery , struck up an alliance with porsenna king of thuscany , who pretending to restore them by open force , march'd with a numerous army , and besieg'd rome : but was soon surpriz'd with three such instances of the roman bravery , in the persons of cocles , mutius , and clelia , that he withdrew his army , and courted their friendship . horatius cocles being posted to guard a bridge , which he perceived the enemy wou'd soon be maste● of , he stood resolutely and opposed part of their army , while the party he commanded , repass'd the bridge , and broke it down after them ; and then threw himself , armed as he was , into the tyber , and escaped to the city . mutius scaevola went into the enemies camp with a resolution to kill their king porsenna , but instead of striking him , stabb'd one of his guards ; and being brought before the king , and finding his errour , in indignation he burn'd off his right hand as a penalty for his mistake . clelia , a roman virgin , who was given to porsenna as an hostage , made her escape from the guards , and swam over the tyber . romulus finding the city , call'd by his name , not sufficiently peopled , establish'd an asylum , or sanctuary , where all out-laws , vagabonds , and criminals of what nature soever , who cou'd make their escape thither , might live in all freedom and security . the author either means the bastard of mars , and r●ea sylvia , a vestal virgin , of whose rape we have a relation in the beginning of ovid's d book de fastis , or a parricide , for killing his brother remus . * the ugly buffoon of the grecian army . the ninth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by stephen hervey , esq argument of the ninth satyr . juvenal here ( in dialogue with nevolus ) exposes the detestable vice then practis'd in rome , and the covetousness of a rich old citizen , which so prevaild over his pleasure , that he would not gratifie the drudge who had so often oblig'd him in the lewd enjoyment of his desire . the ninth satyr . iuv. tell me why , saunt'ring thus from place to place , i meet thee ( nevolus ) with a clouded face ? what humane ills can urge to this degree ; not vanquisht marsyas had a brow like thee , nor ravola so sneak'd and hung his head , catch'd with that lewd bawd rhodope in bed : our grand beau pollio seem'd not half so sad when not a drachma cou'd in rome be had . when treble use he proffer'd for a friend and tempting bribes did to the scriv'ners send yet none he found so much a fool to lend . hard fate ! untroll'd is now the charming dye , the play-house and the parks unvisited must lie ; the beauteous nymph in vain he does adore , and his guilt chariot wheels must rowl no more . but why these frightful wrinckles in thy prime ? that shew old age so long before the time , at lowest ebb of fortune when you lay ( contented then ) how merry was the day . but oh the curse of wishing to be great : dazled with hope we cannot see the cheat ; where wild ambition in the heart we find , farewel content and quiet of the mind . for glittering clouds we leave the solid shoar , and wonted happiness returns no more ; 'till such aspiring thoughts had fill'd thy breast , no man so pleasant , such a chearful guest ; so brisk , so gay , of that engaging air , no mirth was crown'd 'till nevolus was there : the scene 's now chang'd , that frolick genius fled , and gloomy thought seems enter'd in its stead ; thy cloaths worn out , not hands nor linnen clean , and thy bare skin through the large rents is seen ; thy locks uncomb'd like a rough wood appear , and every part seems suited to thy care. where now that labour'd niceness in thy dress , and all those arts that did the spark express ? a look so pale no quartane ever gave , thy dwindled legs seem crawling to a grave : when we are touch'd with some important ill , how vainly silence would our grief conceal ! sorrow nor joy can be disguis'd by art , our foreheads blab the secrets of our heart ; by which ( alas ) 't is evident and plain thy hopes are dash'd , and thy endeavours vain ; and yet 't is strange ! but lately thou we●t known for the most envied stallion of the town . what conscious shrine , what cell by thee unsought , where love's dark pleasures might be sold and bought ? from human view you hid these deeds of lust , but gods in brass and marble you cou'd trust : ceres her self not scap'd , for where can be from bawds and prostitutes an altar free ? nor didst thou only for the females burn , the husband and the wife succeeded in their turn . nev . this life i own to some has prosp'rous been , but i have no such golden minutes seen : right have you hit the cause of my distress , none has earn'd more , and been rewarded less : all i can gain is but a threedbare coat , and that with utmost pains and drudging got ; some single money too , but that ( alas ) broken and counterfeit will hardly pass . whilst others , pamper'd in their shameless pride , are serv'd in plate , and in their chariots ride ; tell me what mortal can his grief contain , that has , like me , such reason to complain ? on fate alone man's happiness depends , to parts conceal'd fate 's prying pow'r extends : and if our stars of their kind influence fail , the gifts of nature , what will they avail ? the gifts of nature ! curse upon the thought , by that alone i am to ruin brought . old virro did the fatal secret hear , ( but curse on fame that bore it to his ear ) what soft address his wooing did begin ? what oaths what promises to draw me in ? scarce cou'd they fail to make a virgin sin. who wou'd not then swear nevolus had sped , and golden show'rs were dropping on his head ? but oh this wretch , this prodigy behold ! a slave at once to leachery and gold ! for in the act of his lewd brutal joy , sirrah ! my rogue ( he cries ) mine own dear boy ! my lad , my life ! already ask for more ? i paid last bout , and you must quit the score : " poor five sestertia have been all my gains , " and what is that for such detested pains ? was it an ease and pleasure , cou'd'st thou say ( where nature's law forbids ) to force my way to the digested meals of yesterday ? the slave more toil'd and harrass'd will be found , who digs his master's buttocks , than his ground : but sure old virro thinks himself a boy , whom iove once more might languish to enjoy : sees not his wither'd face and grizly hair , but would be thought smooth , charming , soft , and fair : with female pride wou'd have his love be sought , and every smile with a rich present bought . say , goat , for whom this mass of wealth you heap ? for whom thy hoorded bags in silence sleep ? apulian farms for the rich soil admir'd ? and thy large fields where falcons may be tyr'd ? thy fruitful vineyards on campanian hills ? ( tho none drinks less , yet none more vessels fills ) from such a store 't is barbarous to grudge a small relief to your exhausted drudge : weigh well the matter , wer 't not fitter much the poor inhabitants of yonder thatch call'd me their lord ( who to extreams am driven ) than to some worthless sycophant be given ? ( yet what smooth sycophant by thee can gain ? when lust it self strikes thy flint-heart in vain ? ) a beggar ! fie ! 't is impudence , ( he cry'd ) and such mean shifting answers still reply'd ; but rent unpaid , says begg till virro grant ; ( how ill does modesty consist with want ? ) my single boy ( like polyphemus eye ) mourns his harsh fate , and weeps for a supply . one will not do , hard labour'd and hard fed , how then shall hungry two expect their bread ? what shall i say , when rough december storms ? when frosts , and snow , have crampt their naked arms what comforts without money can i bring ? will they be satisfy'd to think on spring ? these motives urg'd to his obdurate mind , is casting water to the adverse wind ; but one thing yet , base wretch , i must impart , thy self shalt own , ungrateful as thou art ; at your intreaties , had not i obey'd ; still your deluded wife had been a maid : down on the bridal-bed a maid she lay , a maid she rose , at the approaching day . another night , thy lumpish love she try'd , but still she rose , a virgin , and a bride : what cou'd have touch'd her more ! away she flung , and every street of thy lost manhood rung . her speaking eyes , were full of thy disgrace ; and her vext thoughts abhorr'd the cold embrace . such wrongs , what wishing woman cou'd have born ? in rage , the marriage articles were torn : yet when she vow'd , to see thy face no more , and heartless , thou stood'st whining at the door , i met the angry fair , all over charms , and catch'd her flying from thy frozen arms : much pains it cost to right the injur'd dame ; a whole night's vigour , to repair thy shame : witness your self , who heard the lab'ring bed , and shrieks at the departing maiden-head : " thus many a spouse , who wou'd her choice recant ; " is kept obedient by a kind gall●nt ▪ now , cou'd you shift all this and pass it o're , yet ( monster ) i have left one instance more . think , if so well her business i have done , as that night's service may produce a son , our roman laws great priviledge afford to him that stands a father on record : thy self , 't is true , a cuckold thou must own , but that reproach is in my breast alone , to me the pleasure be , to thee the fame , my brat shall thy abilities proclaim ; and free thee ever , from inglorious shame . let circling wreaths adorn thy crowded door , matrons , and girls , shall hoot at thee no more , but stories to thy lasting credit raise , while fumbling fribbles grudge thy borrow'd praise . iuv. true , nevolus , most aptly you complain , but tho your griefs are just , they are in vain ; your service past , he does with scorn forget , and seeks some other fool , like thee , to cheat . nev . beware , my friend , and what i now reveal , as the great secret of thy life conceal , a lustful pathick , when he turns a foe ; he gives like destiny a wardless blow ▪ his crimes are such , they will not bear a jest , and fire and sword , pursue the 〈◊〉 brest . for sweet revenge no drugs will be too dear , in lust , a miser , but a spendthrift here . then slight him not , nor with his scandal sport , but be as mute as was th' athenian court. iuv. dull corydon ! art thou so stupid grown , to think a rich man's faults can be unknown ? has he not slaves about him ? wou'd not they rejoyce , and laugh , such secrets to betray ? what more effectual to revenge their wrongs ? than the unbounded freedom of their tongues ? or grant it possible to silence those , dumb beasts and statues wou'd his crimes expose : try to imprison the resistless wind , so swift is guilt , so hard to be confin'd ; tho crafty tears , shou'd cast a vail between , yet in the dark , his vices wou'd be seen : and there 's a lust in man no charm can tame , of loudly publishing our neighbour's shame ; on eagles wings immortal scaridals flye , while virtuous actions are but born , and dye . let us live well , were it alone for this , the baneful tongues of servants to despise , slander ( the worst of poysons ) ever finds an easie entrance , to ignoble minds : and they whose vicious lives , such abject foes mu●t fear , more mean and wretched far than their own slaves appear . nev . your counsel's good and useful , 't is confess'd ; but ( oh ) to me it is in vain address'd : let the great man , whom gaping crowds attend , fear a scourg'd slave , or a dissembling friend ; no matter what i do , or what i say , i have no spies about me to betray : and you advise me now my time is lost , and all my hopes of prosp'rous hours are crost ; my full-blown youth already fades apace , ( of our short being , 't is the shortest space . ) while melting pleasures in our arms are found , while lovers smile● and while the bowl goes round ; while in surprizing joys intranc'd we lie , old age creeps on us , e're we think it nigh . iuv. fear not , thy trade will never find an end , while you hills stand thou can'st not want a friend ; by land , and sea , from every point they come , then dread no dearth of prostitutes at rome . nev . tell this to happier men , for i am sped ; if all my drudging can procure me bread. ye deities ! the substitutes of heav●n ! to whom the guide of humane life is giv'n ; at whose lov'd altars , with an ample zeal , ( tho slender sacrifice ) i daily kneel , his ebbing hours let your poor suppliant see from the mean crutch , and a thatcht cottage free ; no shameful want , nor troublesom disease , but easie death approaching by degrees ; necessity supply'd , wou'd comfort bring : yet constant store , wou'd be a glorious thing : to treat a friend , methinks , i wou'd afford , while silver bowls stand smiling on my board : and when the cares of rome to pleasure yield ; two maesian slaves shou'd bear me to the field : where , on their brawny shoulders mounted high , while the brave youth their various manhood try , i wou'd the thrones of emperours defie . superfluous wealth , and pomp , i not desire ; but what content , and decency require . then might i live by my own surly rules , not forc'd to worship knaves , and flatter fools . and thus secur'd of ea●e , by s●unning strife , with pleasure would i sail down the swift stream of life . but , oh ridiculous vain wish for one already lost , and doom'd to be undone . alas ! what hope remains ! for to my pray'rs , regardless fortune stops her wounded ears ; as to the syrens charms , vlysses mariners . the end of the ninth satyr . explanatory notes on the ninth satyr . a phrygian , who challenging apollo at musick , was overcome , and flead alive for his presumption . a fop in rome , that had run out his estate . the temples , and images of their gods , were ( by night ) the common places of assignation . to the temple of ceres , only the chast and strictest matrons were admitted , &c. a small coin among the romans . a gyant of sicily , and one of the cyclops , who had but one eye , and that in his forehead , which vlysses by craft put out , and escap'd from him , &c. the areopagus , or court of justice at athens , where they gave sentence by characters and signs , &c. the common name of a shepherd , which he applies to nevolus , for his ignorance and simplicity , in thinking the vices of great men can be conceal'd . the hills on which rome was built . m●●sia , a place near tusca●y , famous for the great 〈◊〉 and strength of the inhabit●●●●● . mermaids on the coast of sicily , whose charms vlysses ( being forewarn'd ) avoided by stopping his mariners ears with wax , and so sail'd by them securely ; at which disappointment they threw themselves into the sea , and were turned into rocks , &c. hom. odyss . l. . the tenth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the tenth satyr . the poet's design in this divine satyr , 〈…〉 represent the various wishes and desires of mankind ; and to set out the folly of ' em . he runs through all the several heads of riches , honours , eloquence , fame for martial atchievements , long-life , and beauty ; and gives instances in each , how frequently they have prov'd the ruin of those that own'd them . he concludes therefore , that since we generally chuse so ill for our selves ● 〈…〉 it to the gods , to make the choice for us . all we can safely ask of heaven , lies within a very small compass . 't is but health of body and mind — and if we have these , 't is not much matter , what we want besides : for we have already enough to make us happy . the tenth satyr . look round the habitable world , how few know their own good ; or knowing it , pursue . how void of reason are our hopes and fears ! what in the conduct of our life appears so well design'd , so luckily begun , but , when we have our wish , we wish undone ? whole houses , of their whole desires possest , are often ruin'd , at their own request . in wars , and peace , things hurtful we require , when made obnoxius to our own desire . with laurels some have fatally been crown'd ; some who the depths of eloquence have found , in that unnavigable stream were drown'd . the brawny fool , who did his vigour boast ; in that presumeing confidence was lost● but more have been by avarice opprest , and heaps of money crouded in the chest : unwieldy sums of wealth , which higher mount than files of marshall'd figures can account . to which the stores of craesus , in the scale , wou'd look like little dolphins , when they sail in the vast shadow of the british whale . for this , in nero's arbitrary time , when virtue was a guilt . and wealth a crime , a troop of cut-th●oat guards were sent , to seize the rich mens goods , and gut their palaces : the mob , commission'd by the government , are seldom to an empty garret , sent . the fearful passenger , who travels late , charg'd with the carriage of a paltry plate , shakes at the moonshine shadow of a rush ; and sees a red-coat rise from every bush : the beggar sings , ev'n when he sees the place beset with thieves , and never mends his pace . of all the vows , the first and chief request of each , is to be richer than the rest : and yet no doubts the poor man's draught controul ; he dreads no poison in his homely bowl . then fear the deadly drug , when gems divine enchase the cup , and sparkle in the wine . will you not now , the pair of sages praise , who the same end pursu'd , by several ways ? one pity'd , one contemn'd the woful times : one laugh'd at follies , one lamented crimes : laughter is easie ; but the wonder lies what stores of brine supply'd the weepers eyes . democritus , cou'd feed his spleen , and shake his sides and shoulders till he felt 'em ake ; tho in his country town , no lictors were ; nor rods nor ax nor tribune did appear : nor all the foppish gravity of show which cunning magistrates on crowds bestow : what had he done , had he beheld , on high our praetor seated , in mock majesty ; his charriot rowling o're the dusty place while , with dumb pride , and a set formal face , he moves , in the dull ceremonial track , with iove's embroyder'd coat upon his back : a sute of hangings had not more opprest his shoulders , than that long , laborious vest. a heavy gugaw , ( call'd a crown , ) that spred about his temples , drown'd his narrow head : and wou'd have crush'd it , with the massy freight , but that a sweating slave sustain'd the weight : a slave in the same chariot seen to ride , to mortifie the mighty madman's pride . add now th' imperial eagle , rais'd on high , with golden beak ( the mark of majesty ) trumpets before , and on the left and right , a cavalcade of nobles , all in white : in their own natures false , and flatt'ring tribes● but made his friends , by places and by bribes . in his own age democritus cou'd find sufficient cause to laugh at humane kind : learn from so great a wit ; a land of bogs with ditches fenc'd● a heav'n fat with fogs , may form a spirit fit to sway the state ; and make the neighb'ring monarchs fear their fate . he laughs at all the vulgar cares and fears ; at their vain triumphs , and their vainer tears : an equal temper in his mind he found , when fortune flatter'd him , and when she frown'd . 't is plain from hence that what our vows request , are hurtful things , or useless at the best . some ask for envy'd pow'r ; which publick hate pursues , and hurries headlong to their fate : down go the titles ; and the statue crown'd , is by base hands in the next river drown'd . the guiltless horses , and the chariot wheel the same effects of vulgar fury feel : the smith prepares his hammer for the stroke , while the lung'd bellows hissing fire provoke ; sejanus almost first of roman names , the great sejanus crackles in the flames : form'd in the forge , the pliant brass is laid on anvils ; and of head and limbs are made , pans , cans , and pispots , a whole kitchin trade . adorn your doors with laurels ; and a bull milk white and large , lead to the capitol ; sejanus with a rope , is drag'd along ; the sport and laughter of the giddy throng ! good lord , they cry , what ethiop lips he has , how foul a snout , and what a hanging face ? by heav'n i never cou'd endure his sight ; but say , how came his monstrous crimes to light ? what is the charge , and who the evidence ( the saviour of the nation and the prince ? ) nothing of this ; but our old caesar sent a noisie letter to his parliament : nay sirs , if caesar writ , i ask no more he 's guilty ; and the question 's out of door . how goes the mob , ( for that 's a mighty thing . ) when the king's trump , the mob are for the king : they follow fortune , and the common cry is still against the rogue condemn'd to dye . but the same very mob ; that rascal crowd had cry'd sejanus , with a shout as loud ; had his designs , ( by fortune's favour blest . ) suc●eded , and the prince's age opprest . but long , long since , the times have chang'd their face , the people grown degenerate and base : not suffer'd now the freedom of their choice , to make their magistrates , and sell their voice . our wise fore-fathers , great by sea and land , had once the pow'r , and absolute command ; all offices of trust , themselves dispos'd ; rais'd whom they pleas'd , and whom they pleas'd , depos'd . but we who give our native rights away , and our inslav'd posterity betray , are now reduc'd to beg an alms , and go on holidays to see a puppet show . there was a damn'd design , crys one , no doubt ; for warrants are already issued out : i met brutidius in a mortal fright : he 's dipt for certain , and plays least in sight : i fear the rage of our offended prince , who thinks the senate slack in his defence ! come let us haste , our loyal zeal to show , and spurn the wretched corps of caesar's foe : but let our slaves be present there , lest they accuse their masters , and for gain betray . such were the whispers of those jealous times , about sejanus punishment , and crimes . now tell me truly , wou'dst thou change thy fate to be , like him , first minister of state ? to have thy levees crowded with resort , of a depending , gaping , servile court : dispose all honours , of the sword and gown , grace with a nod , and ruin with a frown ; to hold thy prince in pupill-age and sway , that monarch , whom the master'd world obey ? while he , intent on secret lusts alone , lives to himself , abandoning the throne ; coopt in a narrow isle , observing dreams with flatt'ring wisards , and erecting schemes ! i well believe , thou wou'd'st be great as he ; for every man 's a fool to that degree : all wish the dire prerogative to kill ; ev'n they wou'd have the pow'r , who want the will : but wou'dst thou have thy wishes understood , to take the bad together with the good ? wou'dst thou not rather choose a small renown , to be the may'● of some poor paltry town , bigly to look , and bath rou●ly to speak ; to pound false weights , and scanty measures break ? then , grant we that sejanus went astray , in ev'ry wish , and knew not how to pray : for he who grasp'd the world's exhausted store yet never had enough , but wish'd for more , rais'd a top-heavy tow'r , of monst'rous height , which mould'ring , crush'd him underneath the weight . what did the mighty pompey's fall beget ? and ruin'd him , who greater than the great , the stubborn pride of roman nobles broke ; and bent their haughty necks beneath his yoke ? what else , but his immoderate lust of pow'r , pray●rs made , and granted in a luckless hour : for few usurpers to the shades descend by a dry death , or with a quiet end. the boy , who scarce has paid his entrance down to his proud pedant , or declin'd a noun , ( so small an elf , that when the days are foul , he and his satchel must be born to school , ) yet prays and hopes and aims at nothing less , to prove a tully , or demosthenes : but both those orators ; so much renown'd , in their own depths of eloquence were drown'd : the hand and head were never lost , of those who dealt in dogrel , or who punn'd in prose : fortune foretun'd the dying notes of rome : till i , thy consul sole , consol'd thy doom . his fate had crept below the lifted swords , had all his malice been to murther words . i rather wou'd be maevius , thrash for rhimes like his , the scorn and scandal of the times , than that philippique , fatally divine , which is inscrib'd the second , should be mine . nor he , the wonder of the grecian throng , who drove them with the torrent of his tongue , who shook the theaters , and sway'd the state of athens , found a more propitious fate . whom , born beneath a boding horoscope , his sire , the blear-ey'd vulcan of a shop , from mars his forge , sent to minerva's schools , to learn th' unlucky art of wheedling fools . with itch of honour , and opinion , vain , all things beyond their native worth we strain : the spoils of war , brought to feretrian iove , an empty coat of armour hung above the conquerours chariot , and in triumph born , a streamer from a boarded gally torn , a chap-●●ln beaver loosly hanging by● the cloven helm , an ar●h of victory● on whose high convex sits a captive foe and sighing casts a mournful look below ; of ev'ry nation , each illustrious name , such toys as these have cheated into fame : exchanging solid quiet , to obtain the windy satisfaction of the brain . so much the thirst of honour fires the blood ; so many wou'd be great , so few be good. for who wou'd virtue for her self regard , or wed , without the portion of reward ? yet this mad chace of fame , by few pursu'd , has drawn destruction on the multitude : this avarice of praise in times to come , those long inscriptions , crowded on the tomb , shou'd some wild fig-tree take her native bent , and heave below the gaudy monument , wou'd crack the marble titles , and disperse the characters of all the lying verse . for sepulchres themselves must crumbling fall in times abyss , the common grave of all . great hannibal within the ballance lay ; and tell how many pounds his ashes weigh ; whom affrick was not able to contain , whose length runs level with th' atlantick main , and wearies fruitful nilus , to convey his sun-beat waters by so long a way ; which ethiopia's double clime divides , and elephants in other mountains hides . spain first he won , the p●raeneans past , and steepy alps , the mounds that nature cast : and with corroding juices , as he went , a passage through the living rocks he rent . then , like a torrent , rowling from on high , he pours his head-long rage on italy ; in three victorious battels overrun ; yet still uneasie , cries there 's nothing done : till , level with the ground , their gates are laid ; and punick flags , on roman tow'rs displaid . ask what a face belong'd to this high fame ; his picture scarcely wou'd deserve a frame : a sign-post dawber wou'd disdain to pain● the one ey'd heroe on his elephant . now what 's his end , o charming glory , say what rare fifth act , to crown this huffing play ? in one deciding battel overcome , he flies , is banisht from his native home : begs refuge in a foreign court , and there attends his mean petition to prefer : repuls'd by surly grooms , who wait before the sleeping tyrant's interdicted door● what wondrous sort of death , has heav'n design'd distinguish'd from the herd of humane kind , for so untam'd , so turbulent a mind ! nor swords at hand , nor hissing darts afar , are doom'd t' avenge the tedious blood● war , but poyson , drawn through a rings hollow plate , must finish him ; a sucking infant 's fate . go , climb the rugged alps , ambitious fool , to please the boys , and be a theme at school . one world suffis●d not alexander's mind ; coop't up , he seem'd in earth and seas confin'd : and , strugling , stretch'd his restless limbs about the narrow globe , to find a passage out . yet , enter'd in the brick-built town , he try'd the tomb , and found the strait dimensions wide : " death only this mysterious truth unfolds , " the mighty soul , how small a body holds . old greece a tale of athos wou'd make out , cut from the continent , and sail'd about ; seas hid with navies , chariots passing o're the channel , on a bridge from shore to shore : rivers , whose depth no sharp beholder sees , drunk , at an armies dinner , to the lees ; with a long legend of romantick things , which , in his cups , the bowsy poet sings . but how did he return , this haughty brave who whipt the winds , and made the sea his slave ? ( tho' neptune took unkindly to be bound ; and eurus never such hard usage found in his eolian prisons under ground ; ) what god so mean ev'n he who points the way , so merciless a tyrant to obey ! but how return'd he , let us ask again ? in a poor skiff he pass'd the bloody main , choak'd with the slaughter'd bodies of his train . for fame he pray'd , but let th' event declare he had no mighty penn'worth of his pray'r . iove grant me length of life , and years good store ? heap on my bending back , i ask no more . both sick and healthful , old and young , conspire in this one silly , mischievous desire . mistaken blessing which old age they call , 't is a long , nasty , darksom hospital . a ropy chain of rhumes ; a visage rough , deform'd , unfeatur'd , and a skin of buff. a stitch-fal'n cheek , that hangs below the jaw ; such wrinckles , as a skillful hand wou'd draw for an old grandam ape , when , with a grace , she sits at squat , and scrubs her leathern face . in youth , distinctions infinite abound ; no shape , or feature , just alike are found ; the fair , the black , the feeble , and the strong ; but the same foulness does to age belong , the self same palsie , both in limbs , and tongue . the skull and forehead one bald barren plain ; and gums unarm'd to mumble meat in vain : besides th' eternal drivel , that supplies the dropping beard , from nostrils , mouth , and eyes . his wife and children loath him , and , what 's worse , himself does his offensive carrion curse ! flatt'rers forsake him too ; for who would kill himself , to be remembred in a will ? his taste , not only pall'd to wine and meat , but to the relish of a nobler treat . the limber nerve , in vain provok'd to rise , inglorious from the field of battel flies : poor feeble dotard , how cou'd he advance with his blew-head-piece , and his broken lance ? add , that endeavouring still without effect , a lust more sordid justly we suspect . those senses lost , behold a new defeat ; the soul , dislodging from another seat . what musick , or enchanting voice , can chear a stupid , old , impenetrable ear ? no matter in what place , or what degree of the full theater he sits to see ; cornets and trumpets cannot reach his ear : under an actor's nose , he 's never near . his boy must bawl , to make him understand the hour o' th' day , or such a lord 's at hand : the little blood that creeps within his veins , is but just warm'd in a hot feaver's pains . in fine , he wears no limb about him found : with sores and sicknesses , beleaguer'd round : ask me their names , i sooner cou'd relate how many drudges on salt hippia wait ; what crowds of patients the town doctor kills , or how , last fall , he rais'd the weekly bills . what provinces by basilus were spoil'd , what herds of heirs by guardians are beguil'd : how many bouts a day that bitch has try'd ; how many boys that pedagogue can ride ! what lands and lordships for their owners know , my quondam barber , but his worship now . this dotard of his broken back complains , one his legs fail , and one his shoulders pain : another is of both his eyes bere●t ; and envies who has one for aiming left . a fifth with trembling lips expecting stands ; as in his child-hood , cram'd by others hands ; one , who at sight of supper open'd wide his jaws before , and whetted grinders try'd ; now only yawns , and waits to be supply'd : like a young swallow , when with weary wings , expected food , her fasting mother brings . his loss of members is a heavy curse , but all his faculties decay'd , a worse ! his servants names he has forgotten quite : knows not his friend who supp'd with him last night : not ev'n the children , he begot and bred ; or his will knows 'em not : for , in their stead , in form of law , a common hackney jade , sole heir , for secret services , is made : so lewd , and such a batter'd brothel whore , that she defies all commers , at her door . well , yet suppose his senses are his own , he lives to be chief mourner for his son : before his face his wife and brother burns ; he numbers all his kindred in their urns. these are the fines he pays for living long ; and dragging tedious age , in his own wrong : griefs always green , a house-hold still in tears , sad pomps : a threshold throng'd with daily biers ; and liveries of black for length of years . next to the raven's age , the pylian king was longest liv'd of any two-leg'd thing ; blest , to defraud the grave so long , to mount his numbred years , and on his right hand count ; three hundred seasons , guzling must of wine : but , hold a while , and hear himself repine at fates unequal laws ; and at the clue which , merciless in length , the midmost sister drew . when his brave son upon the fun'ral pyre , he saw extended , and his beard on fire ; he turn'd , and weeping , ask'd his friends , what crime had curs'd his age to this unhappy time ? thus mourn'd old peleus for achilles slain , and thus vlysses's father did complain . how fortunate an end had priam made , among his ancestors a mighty shade , while troy yet stood : when hector with the race of royal bastards might his funeral grace : amidst the tears of trojan dames inurn'd , and by his loyal daughters , truly mourn'd . had heaven so blest him , he had dy'd before the fatal fleet to sparta paris bore . but mark what age produc'd ; he liv'd to see his town in flames his falling monarchy : in fine , the feeble syre , reduc'd by fate , to change his scepter for a sword , too late , his last effort before iove's altar tries ; a souldier half , and half a sacrifice : falls like an oxe , that waits the coming blow ; old and unprofitable to the plough . at least , he dy'd a man , his queen furviv'd ; to howl , and in a barking body liv'd . i hasten to our own ; nor will relate great mithridates , and rich craessus fate ; whom solon wisely counsell'd to attend , the name of happy , till he knew his end. that marius was an ●xile , that he fled was ta'ne , in ruin'd carthage beg'd his bread , all these were owing to a life too long : for whom had rome beheld so happy , young ! high in his chariot and with lawrel crown'd , when he had led the cimbrian captives round the roman streets ; descending from his state , in that blest hour he should have beg'd his fate : then , then he might have dy'd of all admir'd , and his triumphant soul with shouts expir'd . campania , fortunes malice to prevent , to pompey an indulgent favour sent : but publick pray'rs impos'd on heav'n , to give their much lov'd leader an unkind reprieve . the cities fate and his , conspir'd to save the head , reserv'd for an egyptian slave . cethegus , tho a traytor to the state , and tortur'd , scap'd this ignominious fate : and sergius , who a bad cause bravely try'd , all of a piece , and undiminish'd dy'd . to venus , the fond mother makes a pray'r , that all her sons and daughters may be fair : true , for the boys a mumbling vow she sends ; but , for the girls , the vaulted temple rends : they must be finish'd pieces : 't is allow'd diana's beauty made latona proud ; and pleas'd , to see the wond'ring people pray to the new-rising sister of the day . and yet lucretia's fate wou'd bar that vow : and fair virginia wou'd her fate bestow on rutila ; and change her faultless make for the foul rumple of her camel back . but , for his mother's boy , the beau , what frights his parents have by day , what anxious nights ! form join'd with virtue is a sight too rare : chast is no epithete to sute with fair. suppose the same traditionary strain of rigid manners , in the house remain ; inveterate truth , an old plain sabine's heart ; suppose that nature , too , has done her part ; infus'd into his soul a sober grace , and blusht a modest blood into his face ; ( for nature is a better guardian far , than sawcy pedants , or dull tutors are : ) yet still the youth must ne're arrive at man ; ( so much almighty bribes , and presents , can : ) ev'n with a parent , where perswasions fail , mony is impudent , and will prevail . we never read of such a tyrant king , who guelt a boy deform'd , to hear him sing . nor nero , in his more luxurious rage , e're made a mistress of an ugly page : sporus , his spouse , nor crooked was , nor lame with mountain back , and belly , from the game cross-barr'd : but both his sexes well became . go , boast your springal , by his beauty curst to ●lls ; nor think i have declar'd the worst : his form procures him journey-work ; a strife betwixt town-madams , and the merchant's wife : guess , when he undertakes this publick war , what furious beasts offended cuckolds are . adult'rers are with dangers round beset ; born under mars , they cannot scape the net ; and from revengeful husbands oft have try'd worse handling , than severest laws provide : one stabs , one slashes , one , with cruel art , makes colon suffer for the peccant part . but your endymion , your smooth , smock-fac'd boy , unrivall'd , shall a beauteous dame enjoy : not so : one more salacious , rich , and old , out-bids , and buys her pleasure for her gold : now he must moil , and drudge , for one he loaths : she keeps him high , in equipage , and cloaths : she pawns her jewels , and her rich attire , and thinks the workman worthy of his hire : in all things else immoral , stingy , mean ; but , in her lusts , a conscionable quean . she may be handsom , yet be chast , you say : good observator , not so fast away : did it not cost the modest youth his life , who shun'd th' embraces of his father's wife ? and was not t'other stripling forc'd to fly , who , coldly , did his patron 's queen deny ; and pleaded laws of hospitality ? the ladies charg'd 'em home , and turn'd the tail : with shame they redn'd , and with spight grew pale . ●tis dang'rous to deny the longing dame ; she loses pity , who has lost her shame . now silius wants thy counsel , give advice ; wed caesar's wife , or dye● the choice is nice . her comet-eyes she darts on ev'ry grace ; and takes a fatal liking to his face . adorn'd with bridal pomp she sits in state ; the ●●blick notaries and 〈◊〉 wait : the genial bed is in the garden drest ; the ●ortion paid , and ev'ry rite express'd , which in a roman marriage is profest . 't is no stol'n wedding , this ; rejecting awe , she scorns to marry , but in form of law : in this moot case , your judgment : to refuse is present death , besides the night you lose . if you consent , 't is hardly worth your pain ; a day or two of anxious life you gain : till lowd reports through all the town have pa●t , and reach the prince : for cuckolds hear the last . indulge thy pleasure , youth , and take thy swing : for not to take , is but the self same thing : inevitable death before thee lies ; but looks more kindly through a ladies eyes . what then remains ? are we depriv'd of will ? must we not wish , for fear of wishing ill ? receive my counsel , and securely move ; intrust thy fortune to the pow'rs above . leave them to manage for thee , and to grant what their unerring wisdom sees thee want : in goodness as in greatness they excel ; ah that we lov'd our selves but half so well ! we , blindly by our headstrong passions led , are hot for action , and desire to wed ; then wish for heirs : but to the gods alone our future offspring , and our wives are known ; th' audacious strumpet , and ungracious son. yet , not to rob the priests of pious gain , that altars be not wholly built in vain ; forgive the gods the rest , and stand confin'd to health of body , and content of mind : a soul , that can securely death defie , and count it nature's priviledge , to dye ; serene and manly , harden'd to sustain the load of life , and exercis'd in pain ; guiltless of hate , and proof against desire ; that all things weighs , and nothing can admire : that dares prefer the toils of hercules to dalliance , banquets , and ignoble ease . the path to peace is virtue : what i show , thy self may freely , on thy self bestow : fortune was never worshipp'd by the wi●e ; but , set aloft by fools , usurps the skies . the end of the tenth satyr . explanatory notes on the tenth satyr . milo , of crotona ; who for a tryal of his strength , going to rend an oak , perish'd in the attempt : for his arms were caught in the trunk of it ; and he was devour'd by wild beasts . sejanus was tiberius's first favourite ; and while he continu'd so , had the highest marks of honour bestow'd on him ; statues and trium● phal chariots were every where erected to him . but as soon as he fell into disgrace with the emperor , these were all immediately dismounted ; and the senate and common people insulted over him as meanly , as they had sawn'd on him before . the island of capreae , which lies about a league out at sea from the campanian shore , was the scene of tiberius's pleasures in the latter part of his reign . there he liv'd for some years with diviners , soothsayers , and worse company — and from thence , dispatch'd all his orders to the senate . iulius caesar , who got the better of p●mpey , that was stil'd the great . demosthenes and tully , both dyed for their oratory . demosthenes gave himself poyson , to avoid being carried to antipater ; one of alexander's captains , who had then made himself master of athens . tully was murther'd by m. antony's order , in return , for those invectives he had made against him . the latin of this couplet is a famous verse of tully's , in which he sets out the happiness of his own consulship ; famous for the vanity , and the ill poetry of it . for tully as he had a good deal of the one , so he had no great share of the other . the orations of tully , against m. a●●ony , were stil'd by him philippics , in imitation of demosthenes ; who had given that name before to those he made against philip of macedon . this is a mock-account of a roman triumph . babylon , where alexander dy'd . xerxes , is represented in history , after a very romantick manner ; affecting fame beyond measure , and doing the most extravagant things , to compass it . mount athos made a prodigious promontory in the aegaean sea : he is said to have cut a channel through it , and to have sail'd round it . he made a bridge of boats over the hellespont , where it was three miles broad : ●and order'd a whipping for the winds and seas , because they had once crossed his designs , as we have a very solemn account of it in herodotus . but , after all these vain boasts , he was shamefully beaten by themistocles at salamis ; and return'd home , leaving most of his fleet behind him . mercury , who was a god of the lowest size , and employ'd always in errands between heaven and hell. and mortals us'd him accordingly : for his statues were anciently plac'd , where roads met ; with directions on the fingers of 'em , pointing out the several ways to travellers . nestor , king of pylus ; who was years old , according to homer's account , at least , as he is understood by his expositors . the ancients counted by their fingers . their left hands serv'd 'em till they came up to an hundred . after that , they us'd their right , to express all greater numbers . the fates were three sisters , which had all some peculiar business assign'd 'em by the poets , in relation to the lives of men. the first held the distaff ; the second spun the thread ; and the third cut it . whilst troy was sacking by the greeks . old king priam is said to have buckled on his armour , to oppose ' em . which he had no sooner done , but he was met by pyrrhus , and slain before the altar of iupiter , in his own palace , as we have the story finely told , in virgil's d aeneid . hecuba , his queen , escap'd the swords of the grecians , and out-liv'd him . it seems , she behav'd her self so fiercely , and uneasily to her husband's murtherers , while she liv'd , that the the poets thought fit to turn her into a bitch , when she dy'd . mithridates , after he had disputed the empire of the world for years together , with the romans , was at last depriv'd of life and empire by pompey the great . croesus , in the midst of his prosperity , making his boast to solon , how happy he was , receiv'd this answer from the wise man , that no one could pronounce himself happy , till he saw what his end should be . the truth of this croesus found , when he was put in chains by cyrus , and condemned to die . pompey , in the midst of his glory , fell into a dangerous fit of sickness , at naples . a great many cities then made publick supplications for him . he recover'd , was beaten at pharsalia , fled to ptolomy king of aegypt ; and , instead of receiving protection at his court , had his head struck off by his order , to please caesar. cethegus was one that conspir'd with catiline , and was put to death by the senate . catiline dy'd fighting . virginia was kill'd by her own father , to prevent her being expos'd to the lust of appius claudius , who had ill designs upon her . the story at large is in livy's third book ; and 't is a remarkable one , as it gave occasion to the putting down the power of the decemviri ; of whom appius was one . hippolytus the son of theseus , was lov'd by his mother in law phaedria . but he not complying with her , she procur'd his death . bellerophon , the son of king glaucus , residing sometime at the court of paetus king of the argives , the queen , sthenobaea , fell in love with him . but he refusing her , she turn'd the accusation upon him ; and he narrowly scap'd paetus's vengeance . messalina , wife to the emperor claudius , infamous for her lewdness . she set her eyes upon c. silius , a fine youth ; forc'd him to quit his own wife , and marry her with all the formalities of a wedding , whilst claudius caesar was sacrificing at hostia . upon his return , he put both silius and her to death . the eleventh satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. william congreue . argument of the eleventh satyr . the design of this satyr is to expose and reprehend all manner of intemperance and debauchery ; but more particularly touches that exorbitant luxury used by the romans , in 〈…〉 him : very artfully preparing him , with what he was to expect from his treat● by begin●ng the satyr , with a particular invective against the vanity and folly of some persons , who having but mean fortunes in the world , attempted 〈…〉 quality . he shews us , the miserable end of such spend-thri●s and gluttons ; with the manner and courses , which they took , to bring themselves to it● advising men to live within bounds , and to proportion their inclinations , to the extent of their fortune . he gives his friend a bill of fair , of 〈…〉 takes occasion to reflect upon the temperance and frugality of the greatest men , in former ages : to which he opposes the riot and intemperance of the present ; attributing to the latter , a visible remisness , in the care of heaven over the roman state. he instances some lewd practices at their feasts , and by the by , touches the nobility , with making vice and debauchery the chiefest of their pleasures . he concludes with a repeated invitation to his friend ; advising him ( in one particula● so●● 〈◊〉 freely ) to a neglect of all cares and disquiets , for the present ; and a moderate use of pleasures for the future . the eleventh satyr . if noble atticus , make plent●ous f●asts , and with lu●uriou● f●●d indulge his guests : his wealth and quality , support the treat ; in him nor is it luxury , bu● state. but when poor rutilus spends all his worth , in hopes of setting one good di●●er so●●h ; 't is down-right madness ; fo● what greaten iests , than begging glutt'ns , or than beggars feasts ? but rutilus , is so no●orios g●own . that he 's the common theme of all the town . a man , in his full tide of youthful blood , able for arms , and for his country's good ; urg'd by no pow'● , restrain'd by no advice , but following his own inglo●io●s choice : ●mongst common fe●ce●s , practises the trade , that end debasing , for which a●ms were made ; arms , which to man● ne're-dying fame afford , but his 〈◊〉 is owi●g to ●i● s●●●●● many there are of the same wretched kind , whom , their despairing creditors , may find lurking in shambles ; where with borrow'd coin they buy choice meats , and in cheap plenty dine . such , whose sole bliss , is eating ; who can give but th●t one brutal reason why they ●ive● and yet what 's more ridiculous : of these the poorest wretch , is still most hard to please ; and he , whose thin transparent rags , declare how much , his tatter'd fortune wants repair , wou'd ransack ev'ry element , for choice of ev'ry fish and fowl , at any price ; if brought from far , it very dear has cost , it has a flavour then , which pleases most , and he devours it with a greater gust . in riot , thus , while mony lasts , he lives , and that exhausted , still new pledges gives ; till forc'd of meer necessity , to eat , he comes to pawn his dish , to buy his meat . nothing of silver , or of gold he spares , not what his mother's sacred image bears ; the broken relick , he with speed devours , as he wou'd all the rest of 's ancestors , if wrought in gold , or if expos'd to sale , th●y'd pay the price of one luxurious meal . thus certain ruin , treads upon his heels , the stings of hunger , soon , and want he feels ; and thus is he reduc'd at length , to serve fencers , for miserable scraps , or starve . imagine now , you see a splendid feast : the question is , at whose expence 't is drest . in great ventidius , we , the bounty prize ; in rutilus , the vanity despise . strange ignorance ! that the same man , who knows how far yond' mount , above this mole-hill shows , shou'd not perceive a difference as great , between small incomes and a vast estate ! from heav'n , to mankind , sure , that rule was sent , of know thy self , and by some god was meant to be our never-erring pilot here , through all the various courses , which we steer . thersites , tho the most presumptuous greek , yet durst not for achilles armour speak ; when scarce vlysses had a good pretence , with all th' advantage of his eloquence . who-e're attempts weak causes to support , ought to be very sure , he 's able for 't ; and not mistake strong lungs , and impudence ; for harmony of words , and force of sence : fools only make attempts beyond their skill ; a wise-man's pow'r's the limit of his will. if fortune , has a niggard been to thee● devote thy self to thrift , not luxury ; and wisely make that kind of food , thy choice , to which necessity confines thy price . well may they fear some miserable end , whom gluttony and want , at once attend ; whose large voracious throats have swallow'd all , both land and stock , int'rest and principal : well may they fear , at length , vile pollio's fate , who sold his very ring , to purchase meat ; and tho a knight , ●mongst common slaves now stands begging an alms , with undistinguisht hands . sure sudden death , to such shou'd welcome be , on whom , each added year heaps misery , scorn , poverty , reproach and infamy . but there are steps , in villany , which these observe to tread and follow , by degrees . money they borrow , and from all that lend , which , never meaning to restore , they spend ; but that and their small stock of credit gone , lest rome shou'd grow too warm , from thence they run : for of late years , ●tis no more scandal grown , for debt and roguery , to quit the town ; than in the midst of summer's scorching ●reat , from crowds , and noise , and business to retreat . one only grief such fugitives can find , reflecting on the pleasures left behind ; the plays , and loose diversions of the place , but not one blush appears for the disgrace . ne're was of modesty so great a dearth , that out of count'nance virtue 's fled from earth ; baffled , expos'd to ridicule and scorn , she 's with astraea gone , ne're to return . this day , my persicus , thou shalt perceive whether , my self i keep those rules i give . or else , an unsuspected glutton live ; if mod'rate fare and abstinence , i prize in publick , yet in private gormondize . evander's feast reviv'd , to day thou'lt see , the poor evander , i , and thou shalt be alcides and aeneas both to me . mean time , i send you now your bill of fare ; be not surpriz'd , that 't is all homely cheer : for nothing from the shambles i provide , but from my own small farm , the tendrest kid and fattest of my flock , a suckling yet , that ne're had nourishment , but from the teat ; no bitter willow tops , have been its food , scarce grass ; its veins have more of milk than blood. next that , shall mountain sparagus be laid , pull'd by some plain , but cleanly country-maid . the largest eggs , yet warm within the nest , together with the hens , which laid 'em , drest ; clusters of grapes , preserv'd for half a year , which , plump and fresh as on the vines appear ; apples , of a ripe flavour , fresh and fair , mixt with the syrian , and the signian pear , mellow'd by winter , from their cruder juice , light of digestion now and fit for use . such food as this , wou'd have been heretofore accounted riot , in a senator : when the good curius , thought it no disgrace , with his own hands , a few small herbs to dress ; and from his little garden , cull'd a feast , which fetter'd slaves wou'd now disdain to taste ; for scarce a slave , but has to dinner now , the well-dress'd paps , of a fat pregnant sow . but heretofore , 't was thought a sumptuous treat , on birth-days , festivals , or days of state ; a salt , dry flitch of bacon to prepare ; if they had fresh meat , 't was delicious fare ! which rarely happen'd , and 't was highly priz'd if ought was left of what they sacrific'd . to entertainments of this kind , wou'd come the worthiest and the greatest men in rome ; nay seldom any at such treats were seen , but those who had at least thrice consuls been , or the dictator's office had discharg'd , and now from honourable toil enlarg'd ; retir'd to husband and manure their land , humbling themselves to those they might command . then might y'have seen the good old gen'ral haste , before th' appointed hour , to such a feast ; his spade aloft , as 't were in triumph held , proud of the conquest of some stubborn field . oh then , when pious consuls bore the sway ! when couchant vice , all pale and trembling lay ! our censors then were subject to the law , ev'n pow'r it self , of iustice stood in awe . it was not then , a roman's chiefest thought , where largest tortoise-shells were to be bought , where pearls , might of the greatest price be had , and shining jewels to adorn his bed , that he at vast expence might loll his head. plain was his couch , and only rich his mind ; contentedly he slept , as cheaply , as he din'd . the souldier then , in graecian arts unskill'd , returning rich with plunder , from the field : if cups of silver , or of gold he brought , with jewels set , and exquisitely wrought , to glorious trappings , streight the plate he turn'd , and with the glitt'ring spoil , his horse adorn'd ; or else a helmet for himself he made , where various war-like figures were inlaid : the roman-wolf , suckling the twins was there ; and mars himself , arm'd with his shield and spear ; hov'ring above his crest , did dreadful show , as threatning death , to each resisting foe . no use of silver , but in arms was known , splendid they were in war , and there alone . no side-boards then , with gilded plate were dress'd , no sweating slaves , with massy dishes press'd ; expensive riot , was not understood , but earthen-platters held their homely food . who wou'd not envy them , that age of bliss , that sees with shame the luxury of this ? heav'n unwearied then , did blessings pour , and pitying jove , foretold each dang'rous hour ; mankind were then familiar with the god , he snuff'd their incense , with a gratious nod ; and wou'd have still been bounteous , as of old , had we not left him for that devil gold. his golden statues , hence the god have driv'n : for well he knows , where our devotion 's giv'n , 't is gold we worship , tho' we pray to heav'n . woods of our own afforded tables then , tho' none can please us now , but from iapan . invite my lord to dine , and let him have the nicest dish , his appetite can crave ; but let it on an oaken board be set , his lordship will grow sick and cannot eat : something 's amiss , he knows not what to think , either your ven'son's rank , or oyntments stink . order some other table to be brought , something , at great expence in india bought , beneath whose orb , large yawning panthers lye , carved on rich pedestals of ivory : he finds no more of that offensive smell , the meat recovers , and my lord grows well . an iv'ry table is a certain whet ; you would not think how heartily he 'll eat● as if new vigour to his teeth were sent , by sympathy from those o' th' elephant . but such fine feeders , are no guests for me : riot , agrees not with frugality ; then , that unfashionable man am i , with me they 'd starve , for want of ivory : for not one inch , does my whole house afford , not in my very tables , or chess-board ; of common bone , the handles of my knives are made , yet no ill taste it gives to what i carve , nor is there ever left any unsav'ry haut-gust , from the haft : a hearty welcome , to plain wholesom meat , you 'll find , but serv'd up in no formal state ; no sew'rs , nor dextrous carvers have i got , such as by skilful trypherus are taught : in whose fam'd schools , the various forms appear of fishes , beasts , and all the fowls o' th air ; and where , with blunted knives , his scholars learn how to diffect , and the nice joints discern ; while all the neighb'rhood are with noise opprest , from the harsh carving of his wooden feast . on me attends a raw unskilful lad. on fragments fed , in homely garments clad , at once my carver , and my ganymede ; with diligence , he 'll serve us while we dine , and in plain beechen vessels , fill our wine . no beauteous boys i keep , from phrygia brought , no catamites , by shameful panders taught : only to me , two home-bred youths belong , unskill'd in any , but their mother-tongue ; alike in feature both , and garb appear , with honest faces , tho' with uncurl'd hair. this day , thou shalt my rural pages see , for i have drest'em both to wait on thee . of country swains they both were born , and one my ploughman's is , t'other my shepherd's son ; a chearful sweetness , in his looks he has , and innocence unartful in his face : tho sometimes sadness will o're-cast the joy , and gentle sighs , break from the tender boy ; his absence from his mother , oft he 'll mourn , and with his eyes , look wishes to return , longing to see his tender kids , again , and feed his lambs upon the flowry plain ; a modest blush he wears , not form'd by art , free from deceipt his face , and full as free his heart . such looks , such bashfulness , might well adorn the cheeks of youths that are more nobly born , but noblemen , those humble graces scorn . this youth , to day shall my small treat attend , and only he , with wine shall serve my friend , with wine from his own country brought , and made from the same vines , beneath whose fruitful shade he and his wanton kids have often play'd . but you , perhaps expect a modish feast , with am'rous songs and wanton dances grac'd ; where sprightly females , to the middle bare , trip lightly o're the ground , and frisk in air , whose pliant limbs , in fifty postures move , and twine , and bound , as in the feat of love : such sights , the languid nerves to action stir , and jaded lust , springs forward with this spur. vertue would shrink , to hear this lewdness told , which husbands , now , do with their wives● behold ; a needful help , to make 'em both approve the dry embraces , of long-wedded love. in nuptial cinders , this revives the fire , and turns their mutual loathing , to desire● but she , who by her sexes charter , must have double pleasure paid , feels double lust ; apace she warms , with an immod'rate heat , strongly her bosom heaves , and pulses beat ; with glowing cheeks , and trembling lips she lies , with arms expanded , and with naked thighs , sucking in passion both at ears and eyes . but this becomes not me , nor my estate ; these , are the vicious follies of the great . let him who does on iv'ry tables dine , whose marble floors , with drunken spawlings shine ; let him lascivious songs and dances have , which or to see , or hear , the lewdest slave , the vilest prostitute in all the stews , with bashful indignation wou'd refuse . but fortune , there , extenuates the crime ; what 's vice in me , is only mirth in him : the fruits which murder , cards , or dice afford , a vestal ravish'd , or a m●●ro● w●or'd● are laudable diversions in a lord. but my poor entertainment , is design'd t' afford you pleasures of another kind : yet with your taste , your hearing shall be fed , and homero's sacred lines , and virgil's read ; either of whom does all mankind excel , tho which exceeds the other , none can tell● it matters not , with what ill tone they 're s●ng , verse so subli●●ly good , no voice can wrong . now then● be all thy weighty cares away , the jealousies and fears , and while you may to peace and soft repose , give all the day . from thoughts of debt , or any worldly ill be free , be all uneasie passions still . what tho thy wife , do with the morning light , ( when thou in vain has toil'd and drudg'd all night ) steal from thy bed and house , abroad to roam , and having gorg'd her lust , come reeking home ; fleck'd in her face , and with disorder'd hair , her garments ruffled , and her bosom bare ; with ears still tingling , and her eyes on fire , half drown'd in lust , still burning in desire : whilst you are forc'd to wi●k and seem con●●●● , swelling with passion , which you dare not vent ; nay if you wou'd be free , 〈◊〉 night alla●●●●● , you must seem fond , and doating on her charms , take her ( the last of twenty ) to your arms. let this , and ev'ry other anxious thou●●● , at the entrance of my threshold be f●rgot ; all thy domestick griefs , at home be left , thy wife's adult'ry , with ●hy 〈◊〉 the●●● and ( the most racking thought , which can intrude● ) forget false friends and their 〈◊〉 . let us our peaceful mirth at home begin , while megalensian shows , are in the circus seen : there ( to the bane of horses ) in high state the praetor sits , on a triumphal seat ; vainly with ensigns , and with robes adorn'd , as if with conquest , from the wars return'd . this day all rome , ( if i may be allow'd , without offence to such a num'rous crowd , to say all rome ) will in the circus sweat ; ecchoes already do their shouts repeat : methinks i hear the cry — away , away ; the green , have won the honour of the day . oh , should these sports , be but one year forborn , rome , would in tears her lov'd diversion mourn ; for that would now , a cause of sorrow yield , great , as the loss of cannae's fatal field . such shows as these , were not for us design'd , but vig'rous youth to active sports inclin'd . on beds of roses laid , let us repose , while round our heads refreshing oyntment flows ; our aged limbs we 'll bask , in phoebus rays , and live this day devoted to our ease . early to day , we 'll to the bath repair , nor need we now the common censure fear : on festivals , it is allow'd no crime to bathe , and eat , before the usual time ; but that continu'd , wou'd a loathing give , nor could you thus , a week together live : for , frequent use , would the delight exclude ; pleasure 's a toil , when constantly pursu'd . the end of the eleventh satyr . explanatory notes on the eleventh satyr . atticus . the name of a very eminent person in rome : but here it is meant to signifie any one of great wealth and quality . rutilus . one who by his own extravagant gluttony , was at length reduc'd to the most shameful degree of poverty . this likewise , is here made use of , as a common name to all beggarly gluttons , such whose unreasonable appetites remain after their estates are consumed . vrg'd by no power , restrain'd by no advice . sometimes persons were compell'd , by the tyranny of nero , to practice the trade of fencing , and to fight upon the stage , for his inhumane diversion ; otherwise , seldom any but common slaves or condemn'd malefactors were so employ'd : which made it the greater reflection , on any person who either voluntarily , or forced by his own extravagance , for a livelyhood ( like rutilus ) apply'd himself to that wretched trade . restrain'd by no advice . hinting , that though he was not compell'd to such a practice of fencing ; yet it was a shame that he was suffer'd to undertake it , and not advised , or commanded by the magistracy , to the contrary . of the same wretched kind , viz. reduced to poverty by riotous living . the broken relick . broken , or defaced : that it might not be discover'd to be his mother's picture , when expos'd to sale. ventidius . a noble roman , who liv'd hospitably . thersites . an impudent , deformed , ill-tongu'd fellow ( as homer describes him . iliad . ) who accompany'd the grecian army to the siege of troy ; where he took a priviledge often to rail and snarl at the commanders . some relate , that at last achilles , for his sawciness , kill'd h● with a blow of his fist. therefore we are not to understand iuvenal , here , as relating a matter of fact ; but ther●ites is used here , to signifie any body of the same kind : as before , attic●s and rutilus . the meaning is , that such as he , ought not ( neither would he , had he been present ) have presumed to oppose ajax and vlysses in contending for achille● his armour . see his character admirably improv'd by mr. dryden in his tragedy of truth found too late . vlysses . the most eloquent of all the grecian princes . after achilles death ; aja● a sam'd grecian warriour pretended to his armour ; vlysses opposed him , before a council of war , and by his admirable eloquence obtain'd the prize . ovid. metam . . pollio . brought to that pass , by his gluttony ; that he was forced to ●ell his ring , the mark of honour and distinction , worn by roman knights . astraea . the goddess of justice , whom the poets feign to have fled to heaven after the golden-age . vltimaelestum terras astraea reliquit . ovid. perficus . ievenal's friend , to whom he makes an invitation and addresses this satyr . evander . a prince of arcadi● , who unluckily killing his father , forsook his own country and came into italy : 〈◊〉 in that place● where afterwards rome was built . virgil , ae● . . te●●s us that he entertain'd both hercules and aeneas , when he was in a low condition . alcides . hercules , so called from his grandfather alc●●●●s . curius dentatus . a great man who had been three times consul of rome , and had triumph'd over many kings ; yet as great an example of temperance as courage . a dish in great esteem among the romans . — nil vulva pulcrius ampla . horat. if they kill'd a s●●rifice , and 〈◊〉 flesh remain'd to spare , it was priz'd 〈◊〉 an accide●tal ra●●●y . consid. by the tyranny of tarquinius superbus , ( the last roman● king ) the very name of king , became hateful to the people . after his expulsion , they as●embled , and resolv'd to commit the government● f●● the future● into the hands of two persons , who were to be chosen every year anew● and whom they call'd consuls . dictator . was a general chosen upon some emergent occasion ; his office was limited to months ; which time expired , ( if occa●sion were ) they chose another , or continued the same , by a new election . the dictator , differed in nothing from a king , but in his name , and the duration of his authority : his power being full as great , but his name not so hateful to the romans . before th' appointed hour . it was accounted greediness and shameful , to eat before the usual hour , which was their ninth hour ; and our a clock , after-noon . but upon festival days , it was permitted them to prevent the ordinary hour ; and always excusable in old people . censors . were two great officers , part of whose business was to inspect the lives and manners of men ; they had power even to degrade knights , and exclude senators , when guilty of great misdemeanours : and in former days they were so strict , that they stood in awe one of another . the manner of the romans eating , was to lie upon beds or couches about the table , which formerly were made of plain wood , but afterwards at great expence , adorn'd with tortoise-shells , pearls , and ivory . grecian arts. the romans copied their luxury from the greeks ; the imitation of whom , was among them as fashionable , as of the french among us . which occasions this saying , with so much indignation in our poet , sat. . — non possum ferre , quirites graecam vrbem — romulus and remus . twins , and founders of the roman empire ; whom the poets feign were nurst by a wolf : the woman's name being lupa . formerly the statues of the gods were made of clay : but now of gold. which extravagance , was displeasing even to the gods themselves . the romans used to anoint themselves with sweet oyntments , at their feasts , immediately after bathing . ivory was in great esteem among them , and preferr'd to silver . trypherus . there were in rome , professors of the art of carving ; who taught publickly in schools . of this kind , trypherus was the most famous . ganymede . cup-bearer . phrygia . whence pretty boys were brought to rome , and sold publickly in the markets , to vile uses . an usual part of the entertainment● when great men feasted , to have wanton women dance after a lascivious manner virtue wou'd shrink , to hear this leudness told , which husbands , now , do with their wives behold . these lines in iuvenal , spectent hos nuptae , juxta recubante marito , quod pudeat narasse aliquem praesentibus ipsis . in some late editions , are placed nearer the latter end of this satyr : and in the order of this translation , wou'd so have follow'd , after line . . viz. such shows as these , were not for us design'd , but vig'rous youth to active sports inclin'd . but i have continued 'em in this place after lubin . besides the example of the learned holyday for the same position ; agreeing better here , in my mind , with the sense both before and after . for the megalensian games consisting chiefly of races , and such like exercises ; i cannot conceive where the extraordinary cause of shame lay in female spectators : but it was a manifest immodesty , for 'em to lie by their husbands , and see the leud actions of their own sex , in the manner describ'd . megalensian shows . games in honour of cybele , the mother of the gods. she was call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , magna mater , and from thence these games megalesia , or ludi megalenses ; they began upon the th of apr●● , and continued days . circus . the place where those games were celebrated . praetor . an officer not unlike our mayor or sheriff . he was to oversee these sports ; and sate in great state , while they were acting ; to the destruction of many horses , which were spoiled in running the races . the green have won the honour of the day . in running the races in the circus , with horses in chariots ; there were four distinct , factions , known by their liveries : which were green , a kind of russet-red , white , and blue . one of these factions was always favoured by the court , and at this time probably the green. which makes our poet sancy he hears the shouts , for joy , of their party . afterward domitian added two more , the golden and purple factions . reflecting on the immoderate fondness the romans had for such shows . 〈◊〉 . a small town , near which hannibal obtain'd a great victory over the romans : in that ba●tel were slain me● , and so many gentlemen , that he sent bushels full of rings to carthage , as a token of his victory . see the notes at fig. . the twelfth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. thomas power , fellow of trinity college in cambridge . argument of the twelfth satyr . the twelfth satyr . this day 's , this joyful day 's solemnity does with my birth-days more than equal vi● ▪ of grassy turves the rural altars rear'd , expect the firstlings of the flock , and heard ; to royal iuno , and the war-like maid , shall in a lamb to each my vows be paid ; a steer , of the first head in the whole drove , reserve we sacred to tarpeian iove : forward he bounds his rope's extended length , with pushing front ; proud since he try'd his strength , and budding horns against an adverse oak ; fit for the altar , and the fatal stroke . were but my fortunes equal to my mind , my bounteous love more nobly had design'd , a bull high fed shou'd fall the sacrifice ; one of hispulla's huge prodigious size : not one of those our neighb'ring pastures feed , but of clitumnus whitest , sacred breed ; the lively tincture of whose gushing blood shou'd clearly prove the richness of his food : a neck so strong , so large , as wou'd demand the speeding blow of some uncommon hand . this for my friend , or more i wou'd perform ; who , danger free , still trembles at the storm , presenting forms so hideous to his sight , as safety scarce allays the wild affright . first from a cloud , that heaven all o'recast , with glance so swift the subtle lightning past as split the sail-yards ; trembling , and half dead each thought the blow was level'd at his head : the flaming shrouds so dreadful did appear , all judg'd a wreck cou'd no proportion bear . so fancy paints , so does the poet write , when he wou'd work a tempest to the height . this danger past , a second does succeed ; again with pity , and attention heed : no less this second , tho' of diff'rent kind ; such as , in isis temple , you may find on votive tablets , to the life pourtray'd ; where painters are employ'd , and earn their bread. what painters in their liveli'st draughts express , may be a copy of my friend's distress . for now a sea into the hold was got ; wave upon wave another sea had wrought , and nigh o're-set the stern on either side : the hoary pilot his best skill appl'yd ; but useless all when he despairing found , catullus then did with the winds compound . just as the beaver , that wise thinking brute , who , when hard hunted on a close pursuit , bites off his stones , the cause of all the strife , and pays 'em down a ransom for his life . over with all , he cries , with all that 's mine ; without reserve i freely all resign . rich garments , purple dy'd in grain , go o're ; no soft mecaenas ever choicer wore : and others of that fleece , that never dy'd , or stain'd by art , is rich in nature's pride ; such , as its tincture from the soil does bear ▪ by noble springs improv'd , and boetick air. nor stopt he so , but over went his plate made by parthenius , follow'd by a great and massy goblet , a two gallon draught , might set a thirsty centaur when he quaft , or drench the wife of fuscus : add to these baskets of brittain , rarities of greece , a set of plate most artfully imbost , no less a bribe than what olynthus cost . shew me the man , that other he , wou'd dare his very life and soul to gold prefer : now money serves not life's most noble ends , but slavish life imperious wealth attends . thus most of the ship 's freight went over board , yet all this wast cou'd small relief afford ; so fierce the storm ▪ necessity at last does loudly call to ease her of her mast : hard is the case , and dang'rous the distress , when what we wou'd preserve , we must make less . go now , go trust the wind 's uncertain breath , remov'd four fingers from approaching death ; or seven at most , when thickest is the board : go with provision , bisket , brandy stor'd ; but if you reasonably hope to speed , you must produce your ax in time of need . now when the sea grew calm , the winds were laid , and the pleas'd parcae spun a whiter thread ; when fate propitious sent a gentle gale ; the shatter'd vessel , with one wretched sail , beside what gowns and coats her crew cou'd lend to help her on her course , did homeward bend : the south-wind less'ning still , the sun appears ; and into lively hope converts their fears : and now , in prospect sweet , his chearful light the alban cliffs confesses to their sight ; where alba's pile iulus founding rear'd , when to lavinium he that seat preferr'd ; and call'd it alba , from the white sow nam'd , that for her thirty sucking pigs was fam'd . at last within the mighty mole she gets , our tuscan pharos , that the mid sea meets with its imbrace , and leaves the land behind : a work so wond'rous nature ne're design'd . through it the joyful steers-man clears his way , and comes to anchor in its inmost bay ; where smallest vessels ride ▪ and are secur'd , and the shorn saylors boast what they endur'd . go then , my boys , the sacred rites prepare ; with awful silence and attention hear : with bran the knives , with flow'rs the altars dress ▪ and in your diligence your zeal express . i 'll follow streight , and , having paid my vows , thence home again , where chaplets wreath the brows of all my little wa●●n d●iti●s ; and incense shall domestick iove appease : my shining houshold gods shall revel there ▪ and all the colours of the violet wear . all 's right ; my p●rtal shines with verdant bays ▪ and consecrated 〈◊〉 early blaze . suspect me 〈◊〉 , 〈◊〉 of design , far 〈…〉 from any thought of mine : my altars 〈◊〉 not for so ●ase an end , catullus , tho' a father , is my friend , and his three children 〈◊〉 a foreign claim . who on a friend so hopeless , such a name as father , wou'd a 〈◊〉 he● bestow ? or on such 〈…〉 a quail forego ? if paccius or 〈…〉 a vei● , the temples streigh● are 〈◊〉 with a train of fawning rascals , utt'ring each his pray'r ; nothing 's too precious for a life so dear : a hecatomb is scarce enough to bleed : and but an elephant's no common breed , nor seen , nor known in italy , before they were transported from the africk shore ; since which , in the ru●ilian forrest rear'd , they range at large , great caesar's royal heard ▪ as once they learnt king pyrr●us to obey ; and with submission to our consuls sway , or tyrian hannibal's , part of the war in turrets on their backs they us'd to bear : cou'd novius or pacuvius but procure these iv'ry portents , death shou'd seal 'em sure a victim for gallita ; nothing less the greatness of their friendship can express . pacuvius , were he not by law withstood , wou'd manifest his own in humane blood ; the best , the loveliest slaves of either sex , to serve his complement , shou'd yield their necks : nay to that height the wicked rogue proceeds , his iphigenia , his daughter , bleeds if need require ; tho he was sure to find no dext'rous slight to change her for a hind . my fellow citizen i must commend , for what 's a fleet to a bequeathing friend ? for , if he chance to scape this dismal bout , the former legatees are blotted out ; upon pacuvius all must be conferr'd ; so great a merit claims no less reward : pacuvius struts it , and triumphant goes in the dejected crowd of rival foes : you see the fruit of his projecting brain , in off'ring up his daughter to his gain . as great as nero's plunder be his store ; high , mountain high , be pil'd the shining ore ; then may he life to nestor's age extend , nor ever be , nor ever find a friend . the end of the twelfth satyr . explanatory notes on the twelfth satyr . to royal iuno . the queen of the gods ; so call'd by the poets , as being wife to iupiter , who was the supream deity of the greeks and romans . by the warlike maid , is meant pallas or minerva , the goddess of learning and war. they had their peculiar sacrifices appointed them in the rituals or books of ceremonies of the antients : white bulls were offered to iupiter ; white cows to iuno and minerva . the poet , tho' not able to undergo the charge of so great a sacrifice , yet willing to shew his devotion , and pay his vow for his friend 's safe arrival , proportionable to his estate , offers to iuno an ewe-lamb , another to minerva , and to iupiter a young bullock . tarpeian iove . on mount capitol , otherwise call'd the tarpeian hill , from the ves●al virgin tarpeia that betray'd it to the sabines , iupiter had a temple , whence he was nam'd tarpeian and capitoline . hispalla's . a fat sensual lady , noted as infamous for keeping a player . sat. . clitumnus a river that divides tuscany and vmbria , whose water , as pliny relates , makes the cows , that drink of it , calve their young white : whence the romans , as virgil and claudian observe , were plentifully furnisht with sacrifices for iupiter capitoline . vncommon hand . the grandis minister of iuvenal , some interpret in a sense referring to the quality of the person , as if the chief pontif , and not one of the popa's , or ordinary officers , was to give the blow : but as it is unseemly to make the chief pontif descend to so mean an office ; so it is more probable the poet meant not the dignity , but the size and strength of the person . isis temple . the aegyptian goddess , lookt upon by merchants and seamen as their patroness ; to whom they made their vows in their extremity . the custom was for those that escap'd to hang up on the walls of her temple the picture of a wreck or storm , which was call'd a votive table ; and her votaries , it seems , were so numerous , that she was forc'd to employ a whole company of painters in her service . iust as the beaver . a proper simile , and good moral allusion , but the ground is wholly fabulous ; and has experimentally been prov'd so by sestius a physitian , as it stands related by pliny . dr. brown , in his book of vulgar errors , says , that the testicles , properly so call'd , are ●eated inwardly upon the loins ; and therefore it were not only a fruitless attempt , but an impossible act , to castrate it self : and might be an hazardous practice of art , if at all attempted by others . soft mecaenas . augustus his great favourite ; and patron to virgil and horace . iuvenal here taxes him of being over soft and delicate ; which horace has done too , tho' covertly , and under another name . boetick air. in boetick spain ( now andaluzia and the best part of granada ) the sheeps fleeces are naturally of a colour betwixt red and black , resembling the purple dye , which the antients imputed to the goodness of the air and the soil : and they put a great value on it , as we do now on the spanish wool for its fineness . parthenius . a great master in the art of graving . the wife of fuscus . fuscus was a judge , mention'd in the last satyr , noted by martial for a drunkard ; as his wife is here by iuvenal in the good company of pholus the centaur . baskets of brittain , bascauda , the british word for a basket , was by the romans made latin. they so much fancied the baskets of our island , that they would claim the invention to themselves . mart. lib. . barbara de pictis veni bascauda britannis , sed me jam mavult dicere roma suam . from british picts the barb'rous basket came , but now rome gladly wou'd th' invention claim . olynthus cost . a strong fortify'd city of thrace , not to be taken by a storm or siege . philip of macedon made a considerable present of plate to lasthenes , who was intrusted with the government of it by the athenians ; and he , being corrupted with so great a bribe , treacherously surrender'd it to philip. parcae spun. the destinies ; they were three sisters , clotho , lachesis and atropos perpetually employ'd in spinning : if the thread , they spun , was white ; it was a sign of life and prosperity : if black ; of death and adversity . alban cliffs . near them was built alba longa by ascanius , who left his step-mother lavinia , in the city of lavinium , built by his father aeneas , and call'd by her name . ascanius call'd his own city longa from the long form of it , and alba from the white sow with thirty pigs sucking her , that was seen by the trojans , a little after their landing ; and where the city was built according to the command of the oracle . virg. our tuscan pharos . pharos was a port in aegypt famous for its watch-tower , wherein were plac'd lights for the benefit and direction of saylers by night : iuvenal calls the port of ostia , where tiber disburthens its self into the sea , the tuscan pharos : it was design'd by augustus after the model of that in aegypt : claudius caesar , as suetonius says , carried on , and finisht the mole , with vast labour and charges ▪ having for eleven years together kept men at work upon it . it was afterward repair'd by trajan . shorn sailors . it was a custom among the ancients , when in distress at sea , to invoke the aid of some god or other , with a solemn vow of cutting off their hair , and offering it to him , as an acknowledgment to whose assistance they ow'd their safety . to this st paul probably alludes . act. . . there shall not an hair of your head perish : as if he had said ; they shou'd not need to vow their hair ; for without such a vow , and the performance of it , they shou'd all escape . if paccius or gallita . two rich men , both of them childless ; which made the heraedipetae or legacy-hunters present them , and ply them with gift upon gift ; in hopes to be considered in their will. tacitus makes mention of them both : the first he calls african ; the other cruspilina . novius or pacuvius . two crafty designing knaves , visiters of the sick gallita or paccius . iv'ry portents . elephants so call'd from their stupendious bigness ; and ivory teeth . his iphigenia . the story in short is this . the graecian fleet lying wind-bound at aulis , the oracle was consulted , and answer return'd ; no wind could be had for their purpose , unless agamemnon , commander in chief in the expedition , would offer up his daughter iphigenia to appease diana's anger , that was offended with the greeks for killing an hind consecrated to her . agamemnon , for the publick good , brings his daughter to the altar ; but the goddess , relenting , convey'd her away to the taurick chersonese , and substituted an hind in her place . the application of this to pacuvius is obvious enough . as nero's plunder . the prodigious sums he extorted from the provinces by unreasonable taxes , confiscations , &c. are almost incredible . he gave no office without this charge : thou knowest what i want , let us make it our business , that no body may have any thing . to nestor's age. grown now to a proverb : who liv'd , as homer says , to compleat the third age of man. the word age is an equivocal term , and diversly taken by many ; but if we take it in its full extent , as it comprehends an hundred years , it will serve very well iuvenal's purpose . the thirteenth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse , by mr. thomas creech , fellow of all-souls college in oxford . argument of the thirteenth satyr . corvinus had trusted one of his old friends and acquaintance with a bag of money ; this friend denies the trust , and forswears it too : corvinus is very much disturb'd at this cheat , storms and rages , accuses providence , and is ready to conclude that god takes no care of things below , because some sudden and remarkable vengeance did not fall upon this perjur'd false wretch : juvenal hearing of corvinus's loss , and unmanly behaviour , writes this satyr to him , both to comfort him after his loss , and instruct him how to bear it ; and thence takes occasion to speak of the vileness , and villany of his times . he begins with the condition of the wicked man ; and tells him ; i. that the sinner must needs hate himself ; and , ii . that he will be hated by all mankind . iii. he puts corvinus in mind that he hath a good estate , and that this loss will not break him . iv . and , v. that a great many have suffer'd the like misfortunes ; that cheats were common ; his loss but little , and therefore not to be resented with so violent a passion . hence , vi . he expatiates on the vileness of the times ; and , vii . compares his age with the golden one , which he tediously describes . viii . he continues his reflections on the genera● wickedness of the times : ix . makes some observations on the confidence of some sinners : and , x. endeavours to give some account of this : he observes that some are atheists . xi . others believe a god , but fancy the money they get by their perjury will do them more good , than the punishments he inflicts will do them harm : at least , xii . that god is merciful , they may be pardon● d , or scape in the crowd of sinners ; since some are forgiven , and all do not meet with punishments equal to their deserts . xiii . he corrects his friend for his atheistical passion , and rude accusations of providence ; and , xiv . advises him to be more cool , and consider , that , xv . such cheats are common , and he hath suffer'd no more than other men ; and xvi . that every day he may meet with greater crimes , which require his concernment . that , xvii . his passion is idle and fruitless ; because revenge , which is the only end of passion , will do him no good , it will not retrieve his loss , and besides is an argument of a base mind , and mean temper . then coming closer to his point , he tells him , xviii . the wicked are severely punisht by their own consciences ; xix . vengeance waits upon them : and , xx . describes the miserable life , and terrible death of the wicked man. and , xxi . closes all with observing that few men stop at their first sin , but go on till their crimes provoke providence : and therefore , xxii . corvinus need not fear but this perjur'd friend of his would do so too , and then be should see some remarkable iudgment fall ●pon him . the thirteenth satyr . i. h● that commi●s a sin , shall quickly find the pressing guilt lie heavy on his mind ; tho' bribes or favour shall assert his cause , pronounce him 〈◊〉 , and elu'de the la●s : none quits himself , his own impartial thought will 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 will record the fault . ii. this first the wicked f●els ▪ then publick hate pursues the 〈◊〉 , and proves the villain 's fate . iii. but more , corvinus , thy estate can bear a greater loss , and not implore thy 〈◊〉 ; thy 〈◊〉 sufficient , and thy wealth too great to feel the damage of a potty cheat. iv. nor are such losses to the world unknown , a rare example , and thy chance alone ; most feel them , and in fortune's l●tt●ry li●s a heap of blanks , like this , for one small prize . v. abate thy passion , nor too much complain , grief shou'd be forc'd , and it becomes a man to let it rise no higher than his pain : but you , too weak the slightest loss to bear , too delicate the common fate to 〈◊〉 , are on the fre● of passion , boil and rage , bacause , in so debaucht and vile an age , thy friend and old acquaintance dares disown the gold you lent him , and forswear the loan . what , start at this ? when sixty years have spread their gray experience o're thy hoary head ! is this the all observing age cou'd gain , or hast thou known the world so long in vain ? let stoicks ethicks haughty rules advance , to combat fortune , and to conquer chance ; yet happy those , tho' not so learn'd , are thought , whom life instructs , who by experience taught , for new to come from past misfortunes look ; nor shake the ●oke , which galls the more 't is shook ▪ vi. what day 's so sacred , but its rest's profan'd by violent robbers , or by murders stain'd ? here hir'd assassins for their gain invade , and treacherous poys'ner urge their fatal trade . good men are scarce , the i●st are thinly sown , they thrive but ill , nor can they last when grown . and shou'd we count them , and our store compile , yet 〈◊〉 more gates wou'd shew , more mouths the nile . worse than the iron age , and wretched times roul on ; and vse hath so improv'd our crimes , that baffled nature knows not how to frame a metal base enough to give the age a name : yet you exclaim , as loud as those that praise for scraps and coach-hire a young noble's plays ; you thunder , and , as passion rouls along , call heaven and earth to witness to your wrong . gray-headed infant ! and in vain grown old ! art thou to learn that in another's gold lie charms resistless ? that all laugh to find unthinking plainness so o're-spread thy mind , that thou could'st seriously perswade the crowd to keep their oaths , and to believe a god ? vii . this they cou'd do whilst saturn fill'd the throne , e're iuno burnisht , or young iove was grown ; e're private he left ida's close retreat , or made rebellion by example great : and whilst his hoary sire to latium fled usurp'd his empire , and defil'd his bed. whilst gods din'd singly , and few feasts above , no beauteous hebe mixt the wine with love ; no phrygian boy : but vulean stain'd the pole with sooty hands , and fill'd the sparing bowl . e're gods grew numerous , and the heavenly crowd prest wretched atlas with a lighter load : e're chance unenvy'd neptune's lot confin'd to rule the ocean , and oppose the wind : e're proserpine with pluto shar'd the throne , e're furies lasht , or ghosts had learn'd to groan : but free from punishment as free from sin the shades liv'd jolly , and without a king. then vice was rare ; ●'en rudeness kept in awe felt all the rigour of avenging law ; and had not men the hoary heads rever'd , or boys paid reverence when a man appear'd , both must have dy'd , tho' richer skins they wore , and saw more heaps of 〈◊〉 in their store : four years advance did such respect engage , and youth was reverenc'd then like sacred age. viii . now if one honest man i chance to view , contemning interest , and to virtue true ; i rank him with the prodigies of fame , with plough'd-up fishes , and with icy flame ; with things which start from nature's common rules , with bearded infants , and with te●ming mules : as much amaz'd at the prodigious sign , as if i saw bees cluster'd on a shrine ; a shower of stones , or rivers chang'd to blood roul wond'rous waves , or urge a milky flood . ix . a little sum you mourn , whilst most have met with twice the loss , and by as vile a cheat : by treacherous friends , and secret trust betray'd , some are undone ; nor are the gods our aid . those conscious powers we can with ●ase comtemn , if hid from men , we trust our crimes with them . observe the wretch who hath his faith forsook , how clear his voice , and how assur'd his look ! like innocence , and as ser●nely bold as truth , how loudly he forswears they gold ! by neptune's trident , by the bolts of iove , and all the magazine of wrath above . nay more , in curses he goes boldly on , he dams himself , and thus devotes his son : if i 'm forsworn , you injur'd gods renew thyestes feast ; and prove the fable true . x. some think that chance rules all , that nature streets the moving seasons , and turns round the years . these run to every shrine , these boldly swea● , and keep no faith , because they know no 〈◊〉 . xi . another doubts , but as his doubts decline , he dreads just vengeance , and he starts at sin ; he owns a god : and yet the wretch forswears ; and thus he reasons to relieve his fears . let isis rage , so i securely hold the coin forsworn , and keep the ravisht gold ; let blindness , lameness come ; are legs and eyes of equal value to so great a prize ? wou'd starving ladas , had he leave to chuse , and were not frantick , the rich gout refuse ? for can the glory of the swistest pace procure him food ? or can he feast on praise ? xii . the gods take aim before they strike their blow , tho' sure their vengeance , yet the stroak is slow ; and shou'd at every sin their thunder fly , i 'm yet secure , nor is my danger nigh : but they are gracious , but their hands are free , and who can tell but they may reach to me ? some they forgive , and every age relates that equal crimes have met unequal fates ; that sins alike , unlike rewards have found , and whilst this villain 's crucifi'd , the other 's crown'd . the man that shiver'd on the brink of sin , thus steel'd and hard'ned ventures boldly in ; dare him to swear , he with a chearful face flies to the shrine , and bids thee mend thy pace ; he urges , goes before thee , shews the way , nay pulls thee on , and chides thy dull delay : for confidence in sin , when mixt with zeal , seems innocence , and looks to most as well . xiii . thus like the waggish slave in — play , he spreads the net , and takes the easie prey . you rage and storm , and blasphemously loud , as stentor bellowing to the grecian crowd , or homer's mars with too much warmth exclaim ; iove , dost thou hear , and is thy thunder tame ? wert thou all brass , thy brazen arm shou'd rage , and fix the wretch a sign to future age : else why shou'd mortals to thy feasts repair , spend useless incense , and more useless prayer ? bathyllus statue at this rate may prove thy equal rival , or a greater iove . xiv . be cool , my friend , and hear my muse dispence some soveraign comforts , drawn from common sense ; not fe●cht from stoicks rigid schools , nor wrought by epicurus more indulgent thought ; who led by nature , did with ease pursue the rules of life ; guess'd best , tho' miss'd the true. a desperate wound must skillful hands employ , but thine is curable by philip's boy . xv. look o're the present and the former time , if no example of so vile a crime appears , then mourn ; admit no kind relief , but beat thy breast , and i applaud thy grief . let sorrow then appear in all her state , keep mournful silence , and shut fast thy gate . let solemn grief on money lost attend , greater than waits upon a dying friend ; none feigns , none acted mourning 's forc'd to show , or squeeze his eyes to make that torrent flow , for money lost demands a heartier due ; then tears are real , and the grief is true . but if at each assize , and term , we try a thousand rascals of as deep a dye ; if men forswear the deeds and bonds they draw , tho' sign'd with all formality of law , and tho' the writing and the seal proclaim the barefac'd perjury , and fix the shame ; go fortune's darling , nor expect to bear the common lot , but to avoid thy share ! heaven's favourite thou , for better fates design'd , than we the dregs and rubbish of mankind ! xvi . this petty sinner scarce deserves thy rage , compar'd with the great vill●●●s of the age. here hir'd assassins kill , there sulphur thrown , by treacherous hands , destroys the frighted town . bold sacriledge , invading things divine , breaks through a temple , or destroys a shrine , the reverened goblets , and the ancient plate , those grateful presents of a conquering state , or pious king ; or if the shrine be poor , the image spoils : nor is the god secure . one seizes neptune's beard , one castor's crown , or iove himself , and melts the thunderer down . here poys'ners murder , there the impious son , with whom a guiltless ape is doom'd to drown , prevents old age , and with a hasty blow cuts down his sire , and quickens fates too slow . yet what are these to those vast heaps of crimes , which make the greatest b●siness of our times , which terms prolong , and which from morn to night amaze the iuries ▪ and the iudges fright ? attend the court , and thou shalt briefly find in that one place the manners of mankind ; hear the indictments , then return again , call thy self wretch , and , if thou dar'ft , complain . whom midst the alps do hanging throats surprize ? who stares in germany at watchet eyes ? or who in meroe , when the breast reclin'd , hangs o're the shoulder to the child behind , and bigger than the boy ? for wonder 's lost when things grow common , and are found in most . when cranes invade , his little sword and shield the pigmy takes , and streight attends the field ; the fight 's soon o're ; the cranes descend , and bear the sprawling warriors through the liquid air : now here , shou'd such a fight appear to view , all men wou'd split , the sight wou'd please whilst new : there none's concern'd , where every day they fight , and not one warrior is a foot in height . xvii . but shall the villain scape ? shall perjury grow rich and safe , and shall the cheat be free ? hadst thou full power ( rage asks no more ) to kill , or measure out his torments by thy will ; yet what cou'dst thou , tormentor , hope to gain ? thy loss continues , unrepaid by pain , inglorious comfort thou shalt poorly meet , from his mean blood. but oh revenge is sweet . thus think the crowd , who , eager to engage , take quickly fire , and kindle into rage ; who ne're consider , but , without a pause , make up in passion what they want in cause . not so mild thales , not chrysippus thought , nor that good man , who drank the poys'nous draught with mind serene ; and cou'd not wish to see his vile accuser drink as deep as he : exalted socrates ! divinely brave ! injur'd he fell , and dying he forgave , too noble for revenge ; which still we find the weakest frailty of a feeble mind ; degenerous passion , and for man too base , it seats its empire in the female race , there rages ; and , to make its blow secure , puts flattery on , until he aim be sure . xviii . but why must those be thought to scape , that feel those rods of scorpions , and those whips of steel which conscience shakes , when she with rage controuls , and spreads amazing terrors through their souls ? not sharp revenge , not hell it self can find a fiercer torment , than a guilty mind , which day and night doth dreadfully accuse , condemns the wretch , and still the charge renews . xix . a trusted spartan was inclin'd to cheat ▪ ( the coin lookt lovely , and the bag was great , secret the trust ) and with an oath defend the prize , and baffle his deluded friend : but weak in sin , and of the god● afraid , and 〈◊〉 well vers'd in the forswearing trade , he goes to delphos ; humbly begs advice , and thus the priestess by command replies : expect sure vengeance by the gods decreed , to punish thoughts , not yet improv'd to deed. at this he started , and forbore to swear , not out of conscience of the sin , but fear . yet plagues en●u'd , and the contagious sin destroy'd himself , and ruin'd all his kin. thus suffer'd he for the imperfect will to sin , and bare design of doing ill : for he that but conceives a crime in thought , contracts the danger of an actual fault : then what must he expect that still proceeds to fi●●●h sin , and work up thoughts to deeds ▪ xx. perpetual anguish fills his anxious breast , not stopt by business , nor compos'd by rest : no musick chears him , and no feasts can please , he sits like discontented damocles , when by the sportive tyrant wisely shown the dangerous pleasures of a flatter'd throne . sleep flies the wretch , or when his care 's oppr●st , and his toss'd lambs are weary'd into rest , then dreams invade , the injur'd gods appear , all arm'd with thunder , and awake his fear . what frights him most , in a gigantick size , thy sacred image flashes in his eyes ; these shake his soul , and , as they boldly press , bring out his crimes ; and force him to confess . this wretch will start at every flash that flies , grow pale at the first murmur of the skies , e're clouds are form'd , and thunder roars , afraid , and epicurus can afford no aid ; his notions fail : and the destructive flame commission'd falls , not thrown by chance , but aim : one clap is past , and now the skies are clear , a short reprieve , but to increase his fear : whilst arms divine , revenging crimes below , are gathering up to give the greater blow . but if a fever fires his sulphurous blood , in ev'ry fit he feels the hand of god , and heaven-born flame : then , drown'd in deep despair , he dares not offer one repenting prayer ; nor vow one victim to preserve his breath , amaz'd he lies , and sadly looks for death : for how can hope with desperate guilt agree ? and the worst beast is worthier life than he. xxi . he that once sins , like him that slides on ice , goes swiftly down the slippery ways of vice ; tho' conscience checks him , yet , those rubs gone o're , he slides on smoothly , and looks back no more ; what sinners finish where they first begin ? and with one crime content their lust to sin ? nature , that , rude and in her first essay , stood boggling at the roughness of the way , us'd to the road , unknowing to return , goes boldly on , and loves the path when worn . xxii . fear not , but pleas'd with this successful bait , thy perjur'd friend will quickly tempt his fate ; he will go on , until his crimes provoke the arm divine to strike the fatal stroke ; then thou shalt see him plung'd , when least he fears , at once accounting for his deep arrears ; sent to those narrow isles , which throng'd we see with mighty exiles , once secure as he ; drawn to the gallows , or condemn'd to chains : then thou shalt tri●mph in the villain 's pains , enjoy his groans ; and with a grateful mind confess that heaven is neither deaf nor blind . the end of the thirteenth satyr . explanatory notes on the thirteenth satyr . some read , extemplo quodcunque malum , &c. thebes had but seven gates , and the river nile but seven mouths . that is , were of better quality , and had more wealth . skins and acorns being the primitive cloaths and food , according to the poets . if a swarm of bees pitcht upon a temple , it was lookt upon as an omen of some very great mischief . thyestes was treated with a ha●h made of his own son. isis. an aegyptian goddess , suppos'd to be much concern'd in inflicting diseases , and maladies on mankind . ladas . an excellent footman , who wan the prize in the olympian games . stentor . a famous crier in the grecian army , whose single voice was as loud as that of fifty men together . homer says that mars being wounded by diomedes , made as great an out-cry , as ten thousand men shouting to the battel . bathyllus . a fidler and a player : but put here for any idle scoundrel , or insignificant fellow . a surgeon of no great credit and reputation . the villain that kill'd his father was to be put into a bag with a dog , a cock , a serpent , and an ape , and thrown into the sea. philosophers of great credit , and worth. damocles having very much extoll'd the happiness of kings , in the presence of dionysius king of syracuse ; dionysius invited him to dinner , plac'd him in a rich throne , and gave him a very splendid entertainment ; but just over his head hung a sword by a hair , with the point downward . a philosopher , who thought all things were by chance . the fourteenth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. iohn dryden , junior . argument of the fourteenth satyr . since domestick examples easily corrupt our youth , the poet prudently exhorts all parents , that they themselves should abstain from evil practices : amongst which , 〈◊〉 chi●fly poin●s at dice and gam●ng , ta●erns , drunkenness , and cruelty , which they exercis'd upon their slaves . lest after their pernicious example , their sons should copy them in their vices , and become gamesters , drunkards , and tyrants , lestrigons , and canibals to their servants . for if the father , says juvenal , love the box and dice , the boy will be given to an it●hing elbow : neither is it to be expected , that the daughter of larga the adu●●ress , shou'd 〈◊〉 more contineut than her mother : since we are all by nature , more apt to receive ill impressions than good ; and are besides more pliant in our infancy and youth , than when we grow up to riper years . thus we are more apt to imitate a catiline , than a brutus , or the uncle of brutus , cato ulicensis . for these reasons he is instant with all 〈◊〉 , that they permit not their children , to bear lascivious words , and that they banish pimps , whores and parasites from their houses . if they are careful , says the poet , when they make an invitation to their friends , that all things shall be clean ▪ and set in order ; much more it is their duty to their children , that nothing appear corrupt or undecent in their family . storks and vultures , because they are fed by the old ones , with snakes , and carrion , naturally , and without instruction , feed on the same uncleanly diet. but the generous eaglet , who is taught by her parent , to fly at hares , and sowse on kids , disdains afterwards to pursue a more ignoble game . thus the son of centronius was prone to the vice of raising stately structures , beyond his fortune ; because his father had ruin'd himself by building . he whose father is a jew , is naturally prone to superstition , and the observation of his country laws . from hence the poet descends to a satyr against avarice , which he esteems to be of worse example than any of the former . the remaining part of the poem is wholly employ'd on this subject , to shew the misery of this vice. he concludes with limiting our desire of riches to a certain measure ; which he confines within the compass of what hunger and thirst and cold require for our preservation and subsistance : with which necessaries if we are not contented , then the treasures of craesus , of the persian king , or of the eunuch narcissus , who commanded both the will and the fortunes of claudius the emperour , wou'd not be sufficient , to satisfie the greediness of our desires . the fourteenth satyr . to his friend fuscinus . fvscinus , those ill deeds that fully fame , and lay such blots upon an honest name , in blood once tainted , like a current run from the lewd father , to the lewder son. if gaming does an aged sire entice , then my young master swiftly learns the vice , and shakes , in hanging-sleeves , the little box and dice . thus the voluptuous youth bred up to dress for his fat grandsire , some delicious mess ; in feeding high , his tutor will surpass , as heir apparent of the gourmand race . and , shou'd a thousand grave philosophers be always hollowing virtue in his ears , they wou'd at last their loss of time lament , and give him o're for glutton in descent . can cruel rutilus , who loves the noise of whips far better than a syren's voice , can polyphemus , or antiphates , who gorge themselves with man , can such as these set up to teach humanity , and give by their example , rules for us to live ? can they preach up equality of birth , and tell us how we all began from earth ? th' inhumane lord , who with a cruel gust can a red fork in his slave's forehead thrust ; because th' unlucky criminal was caught with little theft of two course towels fraught ? can he a son to soft remorse incite , whom goals , and blood , and butchery delight ? who wou'd expect the daughter shou'd be other than common punk , if larga be the mother ? whose lovers names in order to run o're the girl took breath full thirty times , and more : she , when but yet a tender minx , began to hold the door , but now sets up for man , and to her gallants , in her own hand-writing , sends billets-douxs of the old baud's inditeing . so nature prompts ; so soon we go astray , when old experience puts us in the way our green youth copies what grey sinners act ; when venerable age commends the fact. some sons , indeed , some very few , we see , who keep themselves from this infection free , whom gracious heaven for nobler ends design'd , their looks erected , and their clay refin'd . the rest are all by bad example led , and in their father's slimy track they tread . is 't not enough we shou'd our selves undo , but that our children we must ruin too ? children , like tender osiers take the bow , and as they first are fashion'd , always grow . by nature , headlong to all ills we run , and virtue , like some dreadful monster , shun . survey the world , and where one cato shines , count a degenerate herd of catilines . suffer no lewdness or undecent speech , th' appartment of the tender youth to reach ; far be from thence the glutton parasite , singing his drunken katches all the night ; but farther still be woman ; woman first was evils cause , her self of ills the worst . boys ev'n from parents may this rev'rence claim ; for when thou dost at some vile action aim , say , shou'd the harmless child with-hold thy hand , wou'd it not put thy fury to a stand ? then may we not conclude the sire unjust who ( when his son or'ecome with drink and lust , is by the censor of good manners caught , and suffers publick penance for his earth ) rails , and reviles , land turns him out of door , for what himself so oft has done before ? a son so copy'd from his vice , so much the very same in every little touch ; that shou'd he not resemble too his life , the father justly might suspect his wife . this very rev'rend letcher , quite worn out with rheumatisms , and crippled with his gout , forgets what he in youthful times has done , and swinges his own vices in his son. to entertain a guest , with what a care wou'd he his household ornaments prepare ; harass his servants , and o'reseer stand , to keep 'em working with a threatning● wand : clean all my plate , he crys , let not not one stain sully the figur'd silver , or the plain ; rub all the floors , make all the pillars bright , no hanging cobwebs leave to shock the sight . o wretched man , is all this hurry made on this account , because thou art afraid a dirty hall or entry shou'd offend 〈…〉 〈…〉 〈…〉 if to some useful art he be not brad , he grows 〈…〉 for what 〈…〉 in age we are by second nature prone . the callow storks with lizard and with snake are fed , and soon as e're to wing they take , at sight those animals for food pursue , the first delicious bit they ever knew . ev'n so 't is nature in the vulture's breed , on dogs and human carcasses to feed . iove's bird will sowse upon the timorous hare , and tender kids with his sharp tallons tear , because such food was laid before him first , when from his shell the lab'ring eaglet burst . centronius does high costly villa's raise with grecian marble , which the sight amaze : some stand upon cajeta's winding shore , at tybur's tow'r , and at praeneste more . the dome of hercules and fortune show to his tall fabricks like small cots below : so much his palaces o're-look 'em all , as gelt posides does our capitol . his son builds on , and never is content , till the last farthing is in structure spent . the iews , like their bigotted sires before , by gazing on the clouds their god adore : so superstitious , that they 'll sooner dine upon the flesh of men , than that of swine . our roman customs they contemn and jear , but learn and keep their country rites with fear . that worship only they in rev'rence have , which in dark volumes their great moses gave . ask 'em the road , and they shall point you wrong , because you do not to their tribe belong . they 'll not betray a spring to quench your thirst , unless you shew 'em circumcision first . so they are taught , and do it to obey their fathers , who observe the sabbath-day . young men to imitate all ills are prone , but are compell'd to avarice alone : for then in virtue 's shape they follow vice ; because a true distinction is so nice , that the base wretch who hoards up all he can , is prais'd , and call'd a careful , thrifty man : the fabled dragon never guarded more the golden fleece , than he his ill-got store : what a profound respect where e're he goes the multitude to such a monster shows ? each father cries , " my son , example take , " and led , by this wise youth , thy fortunes make , " who day and night ne're ceas'd to toil and sweat , " drudg'd like a smith , and on the anvil beat , " till he had hammer'd out a vast estate . " side with that sect who learnedly deny " that e're content was join'd with poverty ; " who measure happiness by wealth encreas'd , " and think the mony'd man alone is blest . parents the little arts of saving teach , e're sons the top of avarice can reach ; when with false weights their servants guts they cheat , and pinch their own to cover the deceipt : keep a stail crust till it looks blue , and think their flesh ne're fit for eating till it stink ; the least remains of which they mince , and dress it o're agen to make another mess : adding a leek , whose every string is told , for fear some pilf'ring hand shou'd make too bold : and with a mark distinct , seal up a dish of thrice-boil'd beans , and putrid summer fish : a beggar on the bridge wou'd loath such food , and send it to be wash'd in tyber's flood . but , to what end these ways of sordid gain ? it shews a manifest unsettled brain , living , to suffer a low starving fate , in hopes of dying in a wealthy state. for , as thy strutting bags with money rise , the love of gain is of an equal size : kind fortune does the poor man better bless , who tho he has it not , desires it less . one villa therefore is too little thought ; a larger farm at a vast price is bought : uneasie still within these narrow bounds , thy next design is on thy neighbours grounds : his crop invites , to full perfection grown , thy own seems thin , because it is thy own : the purchase therefore is demanded streight , and if he will not sell , or makes thee wait , a teem of oxen in the night are sent , ( starv'd for the purpose , and with labour spent ) to take free-quarter , which in one half hour the pains and product of a year devour : then , some are basely brib'd to vow it looks most plainly done by thieves with reaping-hooks : such mean revenge , committed under-hand , has ruin'd many an acre of good land. what if men talk , and whispers go about , pointing the malice and its author out ? he values not what they can say , or do ; for who will dare a mony'd man to sue ? thus he wou'd rather curs'd , and envy'd be , than lov'd , and prais'd in honest poverty . but to possess a long and happy life , freed from diseases , and secure from strife . give me , ye gods , the product of one field as large as that which the first romans till'd ; that so i neither may be rich nor poor , and having just enough , not covet more . 't was then , old souldiers cover'd o're with scars , ( the marks of pyrrhus , or the punick wars , ) thought all past services rewarded well , if to their share at last two acres fell : ( their countries frugal bounty ; ) so of old was blood , and life , at a low-market sold. yet , then , this little spot of earth , well till'd , a num'rous family with plenty fill'd ; the good old man and thrifty huswife spent their days in peace , and fatten'd with content , enjoy'd the dr●gs of life , and liv'd to see a long descending healthful progeny . the men were fashion'd in a larger mould , the women fit for labour , big and bold . gygantick hinds , as soon as work was done , to their huge pots of boiling pulse wou'd run : fell too , with eagar joy , on homely food ; and their large veins beat strong with wholesom blood. of old , two acres were a bounteous lot , now , scarce they s●rve to make a garden-plot . from hence the greatest part of ills descend , when lust of getting more will have no end : that , still our weaker passions does command , and puts the sword and poyson in our hand . who covets riches , cannot brook delay , but spurs and bears down all that stops his way : nor law , nor checks of conscience will he hear , when in hot scent of gain , and full carreer . but hark , how ancient marsus did advise ; my sons , let these small cots and hills suffice : let us the harvest of our labour eat ; 't is labour makes the coursest diet sweet : thus much to the kind rural gods we owe , who pity'd suff'ring mortals long ago ; when on harsh acorns hungrily they fed , and gave 'em nicer palats , better bread. the country peasant meditates no harm , when clad with skins of beasts to keep him warm : in winter weather , unconcern'd , he goes almost knee-deep through mire , in clumsey shoes : vice dwells in palaces , is richly drest , there glows in scarlet , and the tyrian vest : the wiser ancients these instructions gave : but now a covetous old crafty knave , at dead of night shall rowse his son , and cry ; turn out , you rogue , how like a beast you lye : go , buckle to the law , is this an hour to stretch your limbs ? you 'll ne're be chancellour : or else your self to laelius recommend , to such broad shoulders laelius is a friend : fight under him , there 's plunder to be had ; a captain is a very gainful trade : and when in service your best days are spent , in time you may command a regiment ▪ but if the trumpet 's clangour you abhor , and dare not be an alderman of war ; take to a shop , behind a counter lie , cheat half in half ; none thrive by honesty : never reflect upon the sordid ware which you expose , be gain your only care . he that grows rich by scowring of a sink , gets where-withal to justifie the stink . this sentence , worthy iove himself , record as true , and take it on a poet's word : ▪ t' have money , is a necessary task , ▪ from whence 't is got the world will never ask . taught by their nurses little children get this saying , sooner than their alphabet . what care a father takes to teach his son with ill-tim'd industry , to be undone ! leave him to nature , and you 'll quickly find the tender cock'ril takes just after kind : the forward youth will without driving go ▪ and learn t'outshoot you in your proper bow , as much as ajax his own sire , excell'd , and was the brawnier block-head in the field . let nature in the boy but stronger grow , and all the father soon it self will show : when first the down appears upon his chin , for a small sum he swears through thick and thin ; at ceres altar vents his purjury . and blasts her holy image with a lye : if a rich wife he marries , in her bed she 's found by dagger or by poison , dead . while merchants make long voyages by sea to get estates , he cuts a shorter way . in mighty mischiefs little labour lies : i never counsel'd this the father cries : but still , base man , he copy'd this from thee : thine was the prime , original villany . for he who covets gain to such excess , does by dumb signs himself as much express , as if in words at l●ngth he showd his mind : the bad example made him sin by kind . but who can youth , let loose to vice , restrain ? when once the hard-mouth'd horse has got the rein , he 's past thy pow'r to stop ; young phaeton , by the wild coursers of his fancy drawn , from east to north , irregularly hurl'd , first set on fire himself , and then the world. astrologers assure long life , you say , your son can ●●ll you better much than they , your son and heir whose hopes your life delay . poison will work against the stars , beware ; for every meal an antidote prepare : and let archig●n●s some cordial bring fit for a wealthy father , or a king. what sight more pleasant , in his publick shows did ever praetor on the stage expose , than are such men as every day we see , whose chief mishap , and only misery is to be over-stock'd with ready coin , which now they bring to watchful castor's shrine ; since mars , whom we the great revenger call , lost his own helmet , and was stript of all . 't is time dull theaters we shou'd forsake , when busie men much more diversion make . the tumblers gambols some delight afford , no less the nimble caperer on the cord ; but these are still insipid stuff to thee , coop'd in a ship , and toss'd upon the sea. base wretch , expos'd by thy own covetous mind to the deaf mercy of the waves and wind. the dancer on the rope , with doubtful tread , gets where-withal to cloath and buy him bread , nor covets more than hunger to prevent ; but nothing less than millions thee content : what shipwrecks and dead bodies choak the sea ; the numerous fools that were betray'd by thee ! for at the charming call of pow'rful gain , whole fleets equip'd appear upon the m●in , and spight of lybian and ca●pathian gale , beyond the limits of known earth they sail. a labour worth the while , at last to brag ( when safe return'd , and with a strutting bag , ) what finny sea-gods thou hast had in view , more than our lying poets ever knew . what several madnesses in men appear ! orestes runs from fanci'd furies here ; ajax belabours there an harmless oxe , and thinks that agamemnon feels the knocks . nor is indeed that man less mad than these , who fraights a ship to venture on the seas : with one frail interposing plank to save from certain death roll'd on by every wave : yet silver makes him all this toil embrace , silver , with titles stamp'd , and a dull monarchs face . when gathering clouds o're shadow all the skies , and shoot quick lightnings , weigh , my boys , he cries a summers thunder , soon it will be past ! yet , hardy fool , this night may prove thy last ; when thou ( thy ship o're-whelm'd with waves , ) shalt be forc'd to plunge naked in the raging sea ; thy teeth hard press'd , a purseful of dear gold , the last remains of all thy treasure , hold . thus he — whose sacred hunger , all the stores that lie in yellow tagus cou'd not satisfie ; does now in tatter'd cloaths at some lanes end a painted storm for charity extend . with care and trouble great estates we gain , when got , we keep 'em with more care and pain . rich licinus his servants ready stand , each with a water-bucker in his hand , keeping a guard , for fear of fire , all night , yet licinus is always in a fright . his curious statues ; amber-works , and plate , still fresh encreasing pangs of mind create . the naked cynick's jar ne're flames ; if broken 't is quickly sodder'd , or a new bespoken . when alexander● first beheld the face of the great cynick in that narrow space ; his own condition thus he did lament : how much more happy thou , that art content to live within this little hole , than i who after empire , that vain quarry , fly ; grappling with dangers where-foe're i roam , while thou hast all the conquer'd world at home . fortune a goddess is to fools alone , the wise are always masters of their own . if any ask me what wou'd satisfie to make life easie , thus i wou'd reply . as much as keeps out hunger , thirst , and cold ; or what contented socrates of old : as much as made wise epicurus blest , who in small gardens spacious realms possest ; this is what nature's wants may well suffice : he that wou'd more , is covetous , not wise. but since among mankind so few there are who will conform to philosophick fare ; thus much i will indulge thee for thy ease , and mingle something of our times to please . therefore enjoy a plentif●l estate ; as much as will a knight of rome create by roscian law : and if that will not do , double , and take as much as will make two ; nay three , to satisfie the last desire ; but if to more than this thou do'st aspire ; believe me all the riches of the east , the wealth of cr●sus cannot make thee blest : the treasure claudius to narcissus gave , wou'd make thee , claudius like , an errant slave ; who to obey his mighty minions will , did his lov'd empress messalina kill . the end of the fourteenth satyr . explanatory notes on the fourteenth satyr . rvtilus , some person in the poets time , noted for his cruelty . polyphemus a famous giant with one eye , and a cannibal . antiphates , a king of the lestrygons , who were all men-eaters . i doubt not but the laestrigons , who were a people of italy , learnt this diet of king saturn , when he hid himself among 'em , and gave this example by making a meals-meat of his own children . by this lord , is still meant the same cruel ratilus . suppos'd bath-rubbers : the romans were great bathers . country goals , where they kept their working slaves in great numbers . larga , a fictitious name for some very common buttock . cato of vtica , a roman patriot , who slew himself , rather than he wou'd submit to iulius caesar. catiline , a plotter against the common-wealth of rome . parasite , a greek word , among the romans used for a flatterer , and feast-hunter . this sort of creature the● slighted in those days , and us'd very scurvily , terming such a one an v●bra , that is , a shadow , and apparition , &c. this censor of good manners , was an officer of confiderable power in rome ; in some respects not unlike our midnight magistrate ; but not altogether so saucy . the old romans were careful to breed up their sons so , that afterwards they might be useful to their country in peace , or war , or ploughing the ground : vtilis agris , ( as iuvenal has it . ) an exercise that wou'd break the hearts of our modern beaux . iove's bird : the eagle , so call'd for the great service he did iupiter , in bringing ganymede , a lovely boy , on his back to him . centronius , a famous extravagant architect , who with his son ( who took after him ) built away all his estate , and had so many palaces at last , that he was too poor to live in any of ' em . iuvenal , tho' he was wise enough to laugh at his own country gods , yet had not , or wou'd not have , a right notion of the true deity , which makes him ridicule the iews manner of worship . pag. . as gelt posides , viz. the palace of the eunuch posides . as in virg. iam proximus ardet — vcalegon . this dragon was guardian of the golden fleece , which hung in the temple of mars at cholchos ; and hereby hangs a tale , or a long story of iason and medea , with which i will not trouble you . beggars took their stations then , as they do now , in the greatest thorow-fares , which were their bridges , of which there were many over the river tyber in rome . field , viz. the field of mars , or campus martius , which was the greatest part of the roman empire when in its infancy under romulus and tatius the sabine , his copartner , admitted for the sake of the fair ladies he brought along with him . pyrrhus king of the epirots , a formidable enemy to the romans , tho' at last overcome by ' em . he dy'd a very little death ( as 't is the fate of some heroes ) being martyr'd by the fall of a tyle from a house . wars against the carthaginians . marsus , a thrifty husbandman , from whom the marsi were so call'd , a laborious people some miles distant from rome . mankind fed on acorns , till ceres the goddess of corn instructed them to sow grain . some general officer in the roman army . not that the shrine was secur'd by the care of the god castor , for iuvenal knew their gods cou'd have no such thing as care ; but it was lin'd with a strong guard of souldiers , who had an eye to their god as well as their moneys , lest he should be stoln , or unrigg'd , as mars was . our poet calls him watchful castor jearingly . libyan and carpathian gale. the first a south-west , the latter , as we term it at sea , a strong levant . orestes , said to be haunted by furies , for killing his mother clytemnestra , the wife of agamemnon . ajax the son of telamon , who ran mad , because agamemnon gave the armour of achilles from him to vlysses . but the mistaking agamemnon , or his brother menelaus , for oxen , or oxen for them , was not so gross ; for they were both famously horn'd : and if report says true , ajax need not have spar'd vlysses , since penelope knew which of her suitors cou'd shoot best in her husband's bow. tagus , a river in spain , said to be full of gold sand. this tagus has lost his good qualities time out of mind , or the spaniard has coyn'd it dry , for now they fetch their gold from the indies , and then other nations fetch it from them . some noted rich man in rome . naked cynick . diogenes , a snarling dog-philosopher ( for there have been dog-philosophers as well as poets in doggrel . ) socrates and epicurus two wise philosophers , contented with the bare necessaries of life : the first of these was esteem'd the best moral philosopher , the latter the best natural . roscian law ; so call'd from roscius otho tribune of the people , who made a law , that none shou'd fit in the first seats of the theatre , unless they were worth hundred sestertiums , per annum , that is above thousand pounds of our moneys , and these were esteem'd noblemen , ipso facto . claudius the th caesar , who had no better luck in a wife than his predecessors , iulius and augustus , and most of the great men in history . the fifteenth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. tate . argument of the fifteenth satyr . in this satyr against the superstition and cruelty of the egyptians , 't is probable our author had his old friend crispinus ( who was of that country ) in his eye ; and to whom he had paid his respects more than once before . the scene is now remov'd from rome , which shews our author a profest enemy of vice wheresoever he meets with it . but if by the change of place , his subject and performance in this satyr , be ( as some think ) more barren than in his others ( the people being obscure and mean rabble , whose barbarous fact he relates ) we find in it however , sprinklings of the same moral sentiments and reflections , that adorn the rest . the fifteenth satyr . how egypt , mad wìth superstition grown , makes gods of monsters , but too well is known : one sect , devotion to nile's serpent pays ; others to ibis that on serpents preys . where , thebes , thy hundred gates lie unrepair'd , and where maim'd memnon's magick harp is heard , where these are mouldring lest , the so●s combine with pious care a monkey to enshrine ! fish-gods you 'll meet with fins and scales o're grown ; diana's dogs ador'd in ev'ry town , her dogs have temples , but the goddess none ! 't is mortal sin an onion to devour , each clove of garlick , is a sacred pow'r . religious nations sure and blest abodes , where ev'ry orchard is o're-run with gods. to kill , is murder , sacrilege to eat a kid or lamb ▪ — man's flesh is lawful meat ! of such a practise when vlysses told , what think you ? cou'd a●inous guests , with-hold from scorn or rage ? shall we ( cries one ) permit this lewd ro●ancer and his bantring wit ? nor on charybdis rock beat out his brains , or send him to the cyclops whom he feigns . of scylla's dogs , and stranger flams than these , cyan●'s rocks that justle in the seas , of winds in bags ( for mirths sake ) let him tell and of his mates turn'd swine by circe ' s spel● , but men to eat men humane faith supasses : this trav'ler takes us islanders for asses . thus the incred'lous phaeac ( having yet drank but one round ) reply'd in sober fret . nor without reason truly , since the board ( for proof o' th' fact had but vlysses word . ) what i relate's more strange , and ev'n exceeds all registers of purple tyrants deeds ; portentous mischiefs they but ▪ singly act , a multitude conspir'd to this more horrid fact. prepare , i say , to hear of such a crime as tragick poets , since the birth of time , ne're feign'd , a thronging audience to amaze ; but true , and perpetrated in our days . ombus and tentyr neighb'ring towns , of late broke into out-rage of deep-fester'd hate . a grutch in both , time out of mind , begun , and mutually bequeath'd from sire to son. religious spight and pious spleen bred first this quarrel , which so long the big●ts nurst . each calls the others god a senseless stock , his own , divine ; tho from the self-same block one carver fram'd them , diff'ring but in shape , a serpent this resembling , that an ape . the tentyrites to execute their crime think none so proper , as a sacred time ; which call'd to ombites forth to publick rites , sev'n days they spent in feasts , sev'n sleepless nights . ( for scoundrel as these wretched ombites be canopus they exceed in luxury ) them rev'ling thus the tentyrites invade , by giddy heads and stagg'ring legs betray'd : strange odds ! where crop-sick drunkards must engage a hungry foe , and arm'd with sober rage . at first both parties in reproaches jar , and make their tongues the trumpets of the war. words break no bones , and in a railing fray , women and priests can be as stout as they. words serve but to enflame our war-like lists , who wanting weapons clutch their horny fists . yet thus make shift t' exchange such furious blows , scarce one escapes with more than half a nose . some stand their ground with half their visage gone ▪ but with the remnant of a face fight on . such transform'd spectacles of horror grow , that not a mother her ow● son wou'd know ▪ one eye , remaining , for the other spies , which now on earth a trampled gelly lies . yet hitherto both parties think the fra● but mockery of war , meer children's play : tho , traversing , with streams of blood they meet , they tread no carkase yet beneath their feet . and scandal think 't to have none slain out-right between two hosts that for religion fight . this whets their rage to search for stones , as large as they cou'd lift , or with both hands discharge . not ( altogether ) of a size , if match'd with those which ajax once or turnus snatch'd for their defence , or by tydides thrown that brusht aeneas crest and struck him down ▪ of weight wou'd make two men strein hard to raise , such men as liv'd in honest homer's days : whom gyants yet to us we must allow , dwindled into a race of pygmies now ; the mirth and scorn of gods , that see us fight , such little wasps , and yet so full of spight : for bulk meer insects , yet in mischief strong ▪ and , spent so ill , our short life 's much too long ! fresh forces now of t●●tyrites , from town , with swords and darts , to aid their friends , come down . who with fleet arrows levell'd from a far , e're they themselves app●ach'd , secure the war. hard set before , what cou'd the ombites do ? they fly ; their pressing foes as fast pursue . an ombite wretch ( by head-long hast betray'd , and falling down i' th' rout ) is pris'ner made . whose flesh , torn off by lumps , the rav'nous foe in morsells cut , to make it further go . his bones clean pickt , his very bones they gnaw ; no stomack 's baulkt because the corpse is raw . t' had been lost time to dress him — keen desire supplies the want of kettle , spit , and fire . ( prometheus ghost is sure o're-joy'd to see his heav'n-sto●n fire from such disaster free . nor seems the sparkling element less pleas'd than he ) the guests are found too num'rous for the treat , but all , it seems , who had the luck to eat , swear they ne're tasted more delicious meat . they swear , and such good palates you shou'd trust , who doubts the relish of the first free gust ? since one who had i' th' rear excluded been , and cou'd not for a taste o' th' flesh come in , licks the soild earth , which he thinks full as good ; while reeking with a mangl●d om●i●'s blood. the vascons once with man's flesh ( as 't is sed ) kept life and soul together — grant they did . their case was diff'rent ; with long siege distress'd , and all extremities of war oppress'd . ( for miserable to the last degree , th' excuse of such a practice ought to be ) with creatures , vermin , herbs , and weeds sustain'd , while creatures , vermin , herbs , or weeds remain'd : till to such meagre spectacles reduc'd , as ev'n compassion in the foe produc'd : acquitted by the manes of the dead , and ghosts of carkasses on which they fed. by zeno's , doctrine we are taught , 't is true . for life's support no harmless thing to do . but zeno never to the vascons read ; ( 't is since their days that civil arts have spred : 't was lately brittish lawyers , from the gaul learnt to harrangue , and eloquently bawl . thule hopes next t' improve her northern stile , and plant ( where yet no spring did ever smile with flow'rs of rhetorick her frozen isle . ) that brave , the vascons , were we must confess , who fortitude preserv'd in such distress . yet not the brightest their example shines , eclips'd by the more noble saguntines ; who both the foe , and famine to beguile , for dead and living rais'd one common pile . maeotis first did impious rites devise of treating god's with humane sacrifice ▪ but salvage egypt's cruelty exceeds the scythian shrine , where , tho the captive bleeds , secure of burial when his life is fled , the murd'ring knife'sthrown by , when once the victim's dead . did famine to this monst'rous fact compell , or did the miscreants try this conj'ring spell , in time of drought to make the nile to swell ? amongst the rugged cimbrians , or the race of gauls , or fiercer tartars can you trace an out-rage of revenge like this , pursu'd by an effeminate scoundrel multitude . whose utmost daring is to cross the nile in painted boats , to fright the crocodile . can men , or more resenting gods , invent , or hell inflict proportion'd punishment on varlets who cou'd treat revenge and spight with such a feast as famine's self wou'd fright . compassion proper to mankind appears , which nature witness'd when she let us tears . of tender sentiments we only give those proofs : to weep in our prerogative ; to shew by pittying looks , and melting eyes ▪ how with a suff'ring friend we sympathize ! nay , tears will ev'n from a wrong'd orphan slide , when his false guardian at the bar is try'd : so tender , so unwilling to accuse , so oft the roses on his cheek bedews , so soft his tresses , fill'd with trickling pearl , you 'd doubt his sex , and take him for a girl . b'impulse of nature ( tho to us unknown the party be ) we make the loss our own ; and tears steal from our eyes , when in the street with some betrothed virgin 's hearse we meet , : or infant 's fun'ral , from the cheated womb convey'd to earth , and cradled in a tomb. who can all sense of others ills escape is but a brute at best in humane shape . this natural piety did first refine our wit , and rais'd our thoughts to things divine : this proves our spirit of the gods descent , while that of beasts is prone and down-ward bent . to them but earth-born li●e th●y did dispence , to us , for mutual aid , caelestial sense . from straggling mountainers , for publick good , to rank in tribes and quit the salvage wood. houses to build , and them contiguous make , for cheerful neighbour-hood and 〈◊〉 sake . in war , a common standard to erect , a wounded friend in battle to protect , the summons take of the same trumpet 's call to sally from one port or man on publick wall. but serpents now more an●ty maintain ! from spotted skins the leopard do's refrain : no weaker lion's by a stronger slain . nor , from his larger tu●ks , the forrest bore commission takes his brother swine to gore . tyger with tyger , bear with bear you 'll find in leagues offensive and defensive join'd . but lawless man , the anvil dares profane , and forg'd that steel by which a man is slain ! which earth , at first , for plowshares did afford ; nor yet the smith had learnt to form a sword. an impious crew we have beheld , whose rage their en'mies very life cou'd not asswage , unless they banquet on the wretch they slew , devour the corps and lick the blood they drew ! what think you wou'd pythagoras have sed of such a feast , or to what desart fled ? who flesh of animals refus'd to eat , nor held all sorts of pulse for lawful meat . the end of the fifteenth satyr . explanatory notes on the fifteenth satyr . the crocodile . a sort of bird in those parts , that is a great destroyer of serpents . thebes in baeotia had seven gates , this in egypt an hundred , and therefore call'd hecatompylus . this colossus , or marble statue of memnon held a harp in its hand , which utter'd musical sounds , when struck by the beams of the rising sun ; which strabo tells us , that he both saw and heard , but confesses he is not able to assign the cause . he adds , that one half of this statue was fall'n in an earth-quake , from which mutilation and continuance of the strange sound ( suppos'd to proceed from magick ) our author says , dimidio magicae resonant ubi memnone chordae . homer introduces vlysses shipwreckt at the island corcyra , and treated by alcinous , who there reign'd king of the phaeaks . at whose table he recited the following passages . the symplegades , two rocks in the mouth of the bosphorus , which being at like distance from each other , seem to strike upon one another , as the sailers pass by them . a city in egypt , infamous for riots and debauchery . alluding to that of homer in the iliad . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . in the town caliguris , besieg'd by metellus . the principal of the stoicks . the confederates of rome , who being besieged by hannibal for eight months , and having suffer'd all extremities , at last , erected one great pile , in which they burnt themselves with their dead ; as also , all their goods , to leave the enemy no plunder . the temple of diana taurica , where they sacrific'd strangers . the sixteenth satyr of juvenal , translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the sixteenth satyr . the poet in this satyr , proves , that the condition of a souldier is much better than that of a countr●man ▪ first ▪ beca●se a coun●ry●an ●owever a●●ron●ed , provok'd , and st●uck ●im●●lf , dares not strike a souldier : who is only to be judg'd by a court-martial . and by 〈◊〉 law of camillus , which obliges him not to quarrel without the 〈…〉 and quick dispatch : whereas , the townsman or peasant , is delaid in his suit by frivolous pretences , and not sure of iustice when he is heard in the court. the souldier is also priviledg'd to make a will ; and to give away his estat● which he got in war , to whom he pleases , without consideration of parentage , or relations ; which is deny'd to all other romans . this satyr was written by juvenal , when he was a commander in egypt : 't is certainly his , tho i think it not finish'd . and if it be well observ'd , you will find ●e intended an invective against a standing army . the sixteenth satyr . what vast prerogatives , my gallus ▪ are accrewing to the mighty man of war ▪ for , if into a lucky camp i light , tho raw in arms , and yet afraid to to fight ▪ befriend me my good stars , and all goes right . one happy hour is to a souldier better than mother iuno's recommending letter ▪ or venus ▪ when to mars she wo●'d prefer my suit , and own the kindness done to her. see what our common priviledges are ▪ as first no sawcy 〈◊〉 shall dare to strike a souldier , nor when struck , resent the wrong , for fear of farther punishment ▪ not tho his teeth are beaten out , his eyes hang by a string , in bumps his fore-head rise , shall he presume to mention his disgrace , or beg amends for his demolish'd face . a booted judge shall sit to try his cause not by the statute , but by martial-laws ; which old camillus order'd to confine the brawls of souldiers to the trench and line : a wise provision ; and from thence 't is clear that officers a souldiers cause shou'd hear : and taking cognizance of wrongs receiv'd , an honest man may hope to be rel●ev'd . so far 't is well : but with a general cry the regiment will rise in mutiny , the freedom of their fellow rogue demand , and , if re●us'd , will threaten to disband . withdraw thy action , and depart in peace ; the remedy is worse than the disease : thi● cause is worthy him who in the hall wou'd for his fee , and for his client bawl : but woud'st thou friend who hast two legs alone , ( which heav'n be prais'd , thou yet may'st call thy own , ) woud'st thou to run the gantlet these expose to a whole company of hob-nail'd shoos ? sure the good breeding of wife citizens shou'd teach 'em more good nature to their shins . besides , whom can'st thou think so much thy friend ▪ who dares appear thy business to defend ? dry up thy tears , and pocket up th' abuse , nor put thy friend to make a bad excuse : the judge cries out , your evidence produce . will he , who saw the souldier's mutton fist , and saw thee maul'd , appear within the list ; to witness truth ? when i see one so brave , the dead , think i , are risen from the grave ; and with their long spade beards , and matted hair , our honest ancestors , are come to take the air. against a clown , with more security , a witness may be brought to swear a lye , than , tho his evidence ●e , full and fair , to vouch a truth against a man of war , more benefits remain , and claim'd as rights , which are a standing armies perquisites . if any rogue vexatious suits advance against me for my known inheritance , enter by violence my fruitful grounds , or take the sacred land-mark from my bounds , those bounds , which with procession and with pray'r ▪ and offer'd cakes , have been my annual care : or if my debtors do not keep their day , deny their hands , and then refuse to pay ; i must with patience all the terms attend , among the common causes that depend till mine is call'd ; and that long look'd for day is still encumber'd with some new delay : perhaps the cloath of state is only spred , some of the quorum may be sick a bed ; that judge is hot , and do'ffs his gown , while this o're night was bowsy , and goes out to piss : so many rubs appear , the time is gone for hearing , and the tedious suit goes on : but buff , and belt men ; never know these cares , no time ; nor trick of law their action bars : their cause they to an easier issue put ; they will be heard , or they ●ug out , and cut . another branch of their revenue still remains beyond their boundless right to kill , their father yet alive , impour'd to make a will. for , what their prowess gain'd , the law declares is to themselves alone and to their heirs : no share of that goes back to the begettor ; but if the son fights well , and plunders better , like stout coranus , his old shaking sire does a remembrance in his will desire : inquisitive of fights , and longs in vain to find him in the number of the slain : but still he lives , and rising by the war enjoyes his gains , and has enough to spare : for 't is a noble general 's prudent part to cherish valour , and reward desert : let him be dawb'd with lace , live high , and whore ; sometimes be lowzy , but be never poor . the end of the sixteenth satyr . explanatory notes on the sixteenth satyr . jvno was mother to mars the god of war : venus was his mistress . camillus ; ( who being first banish'd , by his ungrateful countrymen the romans , afterwards return'd , and freed them from the gaules , ) made a law , which prohibited the souldiers from quarrelling without the camp , lest upon that pretence , they might happen to be absent , when they ought to be on duty . this cause is worthy him , &c. the poet names a modenese lawyer , whom he calls vagellius ; who was so impudent that he wou'd plead any cause , right or wrong , without shame or fear . hob nail'd shoos . the roman souldiers wore plates of iron under their shoos , or stuck them with nails ; as countrymen do now . land-marks were us'd by the romans , almost in the same manner , as now : and as we go once a year in procession , about the bounds of parishes , and renew them , so they offer'd cakes upon the stone , or land-mark . the courts of judicature were hung , and spread ; as with us : but spread only before the hundred judges were to sit , and judge publick causes , which were call'd by lot. the rom●n souldiers had the priviledge of making a will , in their father's life-time : of what they had purchac'd in the wars , as being no part of their patrimony . by this will they had power of excluding their own parents , and giving the estate so gotten to whom they pleas'd . therefore , says the poet , coranus , ( a souldier contemporary with iuvenal , who had rais'd his fortune by the wars ) was courted by his own father , to make him his heir . the satires of aulus persius flaccus . made english by mr. dryden . saepius in libro memoratur persius uno quam levis in tota marsus amazonide . mart. london , printed for iacob tonson at the iudges head in chancery-lane , near fleet-street . . to mr. dryden , on his translation of persius . as when of old heroique story tells of knights imprison'd long by magick spells ; till future time , the destin'd hero send , by whom , the dire enchantment is to end : such seems this work , and so reserv'd for thee , thou great revealer of dark poesie . those sullen clouds , which have for ages past , o're persius's too-long-suff'ring muse been cast , disperse , and flie before thy sacred pen , and , in their room , bright tracks of light are seen . sure phoebus self , thy swelling breast inspires , the god of musick , and poetique fires : else , whence proceeds this great surprise of light ! how dawns this day , forth from the womb of night ! our wonder , now , does our past folly show , vainly contemning what we did not know : so , unbelievers impiously despise the sacred oracles , in mysteries . persius , before , in small esteem was had , unless , what to antiquity is paid ; but like apocrypha , with scruple read , ( so far , our ignorance , our faith misled ) 'till you , apollo's darling priest thought fit to place it , in the poet 's sacred writ . as coin , which bears some awful monarchs face , for more than its intrinsick worth will pass : so your bright image , which we here behold , adds worth to worth , and dignifies the gold. to you , we , all this following treasure owe , this hippocrene , which from a rock did flow . old stoick virtue , cl●d in rugged lines , polish'd by you , in mod●rn brillant shines : and as before , for persius● our esteem , to his antiquity was paid , not him : so now , whatever praise , from as is due , belongs not to old persius , but the new. for still obscure , to us no light he gives ; dead in himself , in you alone he lives . so , stubborn flints , their inward heat conceal , 'till art and force , th' unwilling sparks reveal ; but through your skill , from those small seeds of fire , bright flames arise , which never can expire . will. congreve . the first satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the prologue to the first satyr . the design of the authour was to conceal his name and quality . he liv'd in the dangerous times of the tyrant nero ; and aims particularly at him , in most of his satyrs ▪ for which reason , though he was a roman knight , and of a plentiful fortune , he wou'd appear in this prologue , but a beggarly poet , who ●rites for bread. after this , he breaks into the business of the first satyr : which is , chiefly to decry the poetry then in fashion ; and the impudence of those , who were endeavouring to pass their stuff upon the world. prologue to the first satyr . i never did on cleft pernassus dream ; nor taste the sacred heliconian stream : nor can remember when my brain inspir'd ▪ was , by the muses , into madness fir'd . my share in pale pyrene i resign : and claim no part in all the mighty nine . statues , with winding ivy crown'd , belong to nobler poets , for a nobler song : h●edless of verse , and hopeless of the crown , scarce half a wit , and more than half a clown , before the shrine i lay my rugged numbers down . who taught the parrot human notes to try , or with a voice endu'd the chatt'ring pye ? 't was witty want , fierce hunger to appease : want taught their masters , and their masters these ▪ let gain , that gilded bait , be hung on high , the hungry wirlings have it in their eye : pies , crows , and daws , poetick presents bring : you say they squeak ; but they will swear they sing . argument of the first satyr . i need not repeat , that the chief aim of the authour is against bad poets , in this satyr . but i must add , that he includes also bad orators , who began at that time , ( as petronius in the beginning of his book tells us , ) to enervate manly eloquence , by tropes and figures , ill plac'd , and worse apply'd . among●st the poets , persius covertly strikes at nero ; some of whose verses he recites with scorn and indignation . he also takes notice of the noblemen and their abominable poetry , who in the luxury of their fortune , set up for wits , and iudges . the satyr is in dialogue , betwixt the authour and his friend or monitor ; who dissuades him from this dangerous attempt of exposing great men. but persius , who is of a free spirit , and has not forgotten that rome was once a commonwealth , breaks through all those difficulties , and boldly arraigns the fulfe iudgment of the age in which he lives . the reader may observe that our poet was a stoick philosopher ; and that all his moral sentences , both here , and in all the rest of his satyrs , are drawn from the dogma's of that sect. the first satyr . in dialogue betwixt the poet and his friend , or monitor . persius . how anxious are our cares ; and yet how vain the bent of our desires ! friend . thy spleen contain : for none will read thy satyrs . persius . this to me ? friend . none ; or what 's next to none ; but two or three . 't is hard , i grant . persius . t is nothing ; i can bear that paltry scriblers have the publick ear : that this vast universal fool , the town , shou'd cry up labeo's stuff , and cry me down . they damn themselves ; nor will my muse descend to clap with such , who fools and knaves commend ▪ their smiles and censures are to me the same : i care not what they praise , or what they blame . in full assemblies let the crowd prevail : i weigh no merit by the common scale . the conscience is the test of ev'ry mind ; seek not thy self , without thy self , to find . but where 's that roman ? — somewhat i wou'd say , but fear ; — let fear , for once , to truth give way . truth lends the stoick courage : when i look on humane acts , and real in nature's book , from the first pastimes of our infant age , to elder cares , and man's severer page ; when stern as tutors , and as uncles hard , we lash the pupil , and defraud the ward : then , then i say — or wou'd say , if i durst — but thus provok'd , i must speak out , or burst . friend . once more forbear . persius . i cannot rule my spleen ; my scorn rebels , and tickles me within . first , to begin at home , our authors write in lonely rooms , secur'd from publick sight ; whether in prose or verse , 't is all the same : the prose is fustian , and the numbers lame . all noise , and empty pomp , a storm of words , lab'ring with sound , that little sence affords . they comb , and then they order ev'ry hair : a gown , or white , or scour'd to whiteness , wear : a birth-day jewel bobbing at their ear ▪ next , gargle well their throats ; and thus prepar'd , they mount , a god's name , to be seen and heard from their high scaffold ; with a trumpet cheek : and ogling all their audience e're they speak . the nauseous nobles ▪ ev'n the chief of rome , with gaping mouths to these rehearsals come , and pant with pleasure , when some lusty line the marrow pierces , and invades the chine . at open fulsom bawdry they rejoice ; and slimy jests applaud with broken voice . base prostitute , thus dost thou gain thy bread ? thus dost thou feed their ears , and thus art fed ? at his own filthy stuff he grins , and brays : and gives the sign where he expects their praise . why have i learn'd , say'st thou , if thus confin'd ▪ i choak the noble vigour of my mind ? know , my wild fig-tree , which in rocks is bred , will split the quarry , and shoot out the head ▪ fine fruits of learning ! old ambitious fool , dar'st thou apply that adage of the school ; as if 't is nothing worth that lies conceal'd ▪ and science is not science till reveal'd ? oh , but 't is brave to be admir'd , to see the crowd , with pointing fingers , cry that 's he : that 's he , whose wondrous poem is become a lecture for the noble youth of rome ! who , by their fathers , is at feasts renown'd : and often quoted , when the bowls go round . full gorg'd and flush'd , they wantonly rehearse : and add to wine the luxury of verse . one , clad in purple , not to lose his time , eats , and recites some lamentable rhime : some senceless phyllis , in a broken note ; snuffling at nose , or croaking in his throat : then , graciously , the mellow audience nod : is not th' immortal authour made a god ? are not his manes blest , such praise to have ? lies not the turf more lightly on his grave ? and roses ( while his lowd applause they sing , ) stand ready from his sepulcher to spring ? all these , you cry , but light objections are ; meer malice , and you drive the jest too far . for does there breath a man , who can reject a general fame , and his own lines neglect ? in c●dar tablets worthy to appear ; that need not fish , or franckincense to fear ? thou , whom i make the adverse part to bear , be answer'd thus : if i , by chance , succeed in what i write , ( and that 's a chance indeed ; ) know , i am not so stupid , or so hard ▪ not to feel praise , or fames deserv'd reward : but this i cannot grant , that thy appl●use is my works ultimate , or only cause ▪ prudence can ne're propose so mean a prize : for mark what vanity within it lies . like labeo's iliads ; in whose verse i● found nothing but trifling care , and empty sound ▪ such little elegies as nobles write ; who wou'd be poets , in apollo's spight . them and their woful works the muse defies : products of citron beds , and golden canopies ▪ to give thee all thy due , thou hast the heart to make a supper , with a fine dessert ; and , to thy threed-bare friend , a cast old sute impart . thus brib'd , thou thus bespeak'st him , tell me friend ( for i love truth , nor can plain speech offend , ) what says the world of me and of my muse ? the poor dare nothing tell , but flatt'ring news : but shall i speak ? thy verse is wretched rhyme ; and all thy labours are but loss of time . thy strutting belly swells ; thy pau●ch is high ; thou writ'st not , but thou pissest poetry ▪ all authours , to their own defects , are blind ; hadst thou but , ianus like , a face behind , to see the people , what sp●ay-mouths they make ; to mark their finge●s , pointed at thy back ; their tongues loll'd out , a foot beyond the pitch , when most a thirst , of an apulian bitch : but noble scriblers are with flatt'ry fed ; for none dare find their faults , who eat their bread. to pass the poets of patrician blood , what is 't the common reader takes for good ? the verse in fashion , is , when numbers flow ; soft without sence , and without spirit ●low : so smooth and equal , that no sight can ●ind the rive● , where the polish'd piece was join'd . so even all , with such a steady view , as if he shut one eye to level true . whether the vulgar vice his satyr stings . the peoples riots , or the rage of kings , the gentle poet is alike in all ; his reader hopes no rise , and fears no fall . friend . hourly we see , some raw pin-feather'd t●ing attempt to mount , and fights , and heroes sing ; who , for false quantities , was whipt at school but t'other day , and breaking grammar rule . whose trivial art was never try'd , above the bare description of a native grove : who knows not how to praise the country store ▪ the feasts , the basket● ▪ nor the fatted bore ; nor paint the flowry fields , that pain● themselves before ▪ where romulus was bred , and qui●●iu● born , whose shining plough-share was in furrows worn ▪ met by his trembling wife , returning home , and rustically joy'd , as chief of rome : she wip'd the sweat , from the dictator's brow ; and , o're his back , his robe did rudely throw ; the lictors bore , in state , their lord 's triumphant plough . some , love to hear the fustian poet roar ; and some on antiquated authours pore : rummage for sense ; and think those only good who labour most , and least are understood . when thou shalt see the blear-ey'd fa●hers teach their sons , this harsh and mouldy sort of speech ; or others new affected ways to try , of wanton smoothness , female poetry ; one wou'd enquire , from whence this mo●ley stil● did first our roman purity defile : for our old dotards cannot keep their seat ; but leap and catch at all that 's obsolete . others , by foolish o●tentation fed , when call'd before the bar , to save their head , bring trifling tropes , instead of solid sence : and mind their figures more than their defence . are pleas'd to hear their thick-scull'd judges cry well mov'd , oh finely said , and decently ! theft , ( says th' accuser ) to thy charge i lay o pedius ! what does gentle ▪ pedius say ? studious to please the genius of the times , with periods , points , and tropes ; he slurs ▪ his crimes : " he robb'd not , but he borrow'd from the poor ; " and took but with intention to restore . he lards with flourishes his long harangue ; 't is fine , say'st thou ; what to be prais'd and hang ? effeminate roman , shall such stuff prevail to tickle thee , and make thee wag thy tail ? say , shou'd a shipwrack'd saylor sing his woe , woud'st ▪ thou be mov'd to pity , or bestow an alms ? what 's more prepost'rous than to see a merry beggar ? mirth in misery ? persius . he seems a trap , for charity , to lay : and cons by night , his lesson for the day . friend . but to raw numbers , and unfinish'd verse , sweet sound is added now , to make it terse : " 't is tagg'd with rhyme , like berecynthian atys , " the mid part chimes with art , which never flat is . " the dolphin brave , that cut the liquid wave , " or he who in his line , can chine the long-rib'd apennine . persius . all this is dogrel stuff : friend . what if i bring a nobler verse ? arms and the man i sing . persius . why name you virgil with such fops as these ? he 's truly great ; and must for ever please . not fierce , but awful is his manly page ; bold is his strength , but sober is his rage . friend . what poems think you soft ? and to be read with languishing regards , and bending head ? persius . " their crooked horns the mimallonian crew " with blasts inspir'd : and bassaris who slew " the scronful calf , with sword advanc'd on high , " made from his neck his haughty head to fly . " and maenas , when with ivy-bridles bound , " she led the spotted lynx , then evion rung around ; " evion from woods and floods repairing ecchos sound . cou'd such rude lines a roman mouth become , were any manly greatness left in rome ? maenas and arys in the mouth were bred ; and never hatch'd within the lab'ring head. no blood , from bitten nails , those poems drew : but churn'd , like spettle , from the lips they flew . friend . 't is fustian all ; 't is execrably bad : but if they will be fools , must you be mad ? your satyrs , let me tell you , are too fierce ; the great will never bear so blunt a verse . their doors are barr'd against a bitter flout : snarl , if you please , but you shall snarl without ▪ expect such pay as railing rhymes deserve , y' are in a very hopeful way to sterve . persius . rather than so , uncensur'd let 'em be : all , all is admirably well for me . my harmless rhyme shall scape the dire disgrace of common-shores , and ev'ry pissing place . two painted serpents shall , on high , appear ; 't is holy ground ; you must not urine here . this shall be writ to fright the fry away , who draw their little bawbles , when they play . yet old lucilius never fear'd the times ; but lash'd the city , and di●●ected crimes . mutius and lupus both by name he brought ; he mouth'd 'em , and betwixt his grinders caught . unlike in method , with conceal'd design , did crafty horace his low numbers joyn : and , with a ●ly insinuating grace , laugh'd at his friend , and look'd him in the face : wou'd raise a blush , where secret vice he found ; and tickle , while he gently prob'd the wound . with seeming innocence the crowd beguil'd ; but made the desperate passes , when he smil'd . cou'd he do this , and is my muse controll'd by servile awe ? born free , and not be bold ? at least , i 'll dig a hole within the ground ; and to the trusty earth commit the sound : the reeds shall tell you what the poet fears , king midas has a snout , and asses ears . this mean conceit , this darling mystery , which thou think'st nothing , friend thou shalt not buy ▪ nor will i change , for all the flashy wit , that flatt'ring labeo in his iliads writ . thou , if there be a thou , in this base town , who dares , with angry eupolis , to frown ; he , who , with bold cratinus , is inspir'd with zeal , and equal indignation fir'd ; who , at enormous villany , turns pale , and steers against it with a full-blown sail , like aristophanes ; let him but smile on this my honest work , tho writ in homely stile : and if two lines or three in all the vein appear less drossy , read those lines again . may they perform their author 's just intent ; glow in thy ears , and in thy breast ferment . but , from the reading of my book and me , be far ye foes of virtuous poverty : who fortune 's fault upon the poor can throw ; point at the tatter'd coat , and ragged shooe ; lay nature's failings to their charge ; and ●eer the dim weak eye-sight , when the mind is clear . when thou thy self , thus insolent in state , art but , perhaps , some country magistrate ; whose pow'r extends no farther than to speak big on the bench , and scanty weights to break . him , also , for my censor i disdain , who thinks all science , as all virtue vain : who counts geometry , and numbers , toys : and with his foot , the sacred dust destroys . whose pleasure is to see a strumpet tear a cynicks beard , and lug him by the hair. such , all the morning , to the pleadings run ; but , when the bus'ness of the day is done , on dice , and drink , and drabs , they spend their afternoon . explanatory notes on the prologue . pernassus , and helicon , were hills consecrated to the muses ; and the suppos'd place of their abode . pernassus was forked on the top ; and from helicon ran a stream ; the spring of which , was call'd the muses well . pyrene , a fountain in corinth ; consecrated also to the muses . statues , &c. the statues of the poets , were crown'd with ivy about their brows . before the shrine ; that is , before the shrine of apollo , in his temple at rome , call'd the palati●e . explanatory notes on the first satyr . labeo's stuff . nothing is remaining of atticus labeo , ( so he is call'd by the learned casaubon ) nor is the mention'd by any other poet , besides persius : casaubon , from an old commentator on persius , says that he made a very foolish translation of homer's iliads . they comb , &c. he describes a poet preparing himself to rehearse his works in publick : which was commonly perform'd in august . a room was hir'd , or lent by some friend ; a scaffold was rais'd , and a pulpit plac'd for him , who was to hold forth ; who borrow'd a new gown ▪ or scour'd his old one ; and adorn'd his ears with jewels , &c. my wild fig-tree : trees of that kind , grow wild in many parts of italy ; and make their way through rocks : sometimes splitting the tomb-stones . ianus like , &c. ianus was the first king of italy ; who refug'd saturn , when he was expell'd by his son iupiter from cr●et ; ( or as we now call it candia . ) from his name , the first month of the year is call'd ianuary . he was pictur'd with two faces , one before ▪ and one behind : as regarding the past time , and the future . some of the mythologists , thi●k he was no●h , for the reason given above . the romans wrote on cedar , and cypre●● tables , in regard of the duration of the wood : iii verses might justly be afraid of franckincense ; for the papers in which they were written , were fit for nothing but to wrap it up . products of citron beds , &c. writings of noblemen , whose bedsteds were of the wood of citron . where romulus & c.. he speaks of the country in the foregoing verses ; the praises of which , are the most easie theme for poets : but which a bad poet cannot naturally describe : then he makes a digression ▪ to romulus , the first king of rome , who had a rustical education ; and enlarges upon quintius cincinnatus , a roman senator ; who was call'd from the plough , to be dictator of rome . in periods , &c. persius here names antitheses , or seeming contradiction ; which in this place are meant for rhetorical flourishes , as i think , with casaubon . berecynthian atys ; or attin , &c. foolish verses of nero , which the poet repeats ; and which cannot be translated properly into english. arms and the man , &c. the first line of virgil's aeneids . their crooked horns , &c. other verses of nero , that were mee● bombast . i only note ; that the repetition of these and the former verses of ner● , might justly give the poet a caution to conceal his name . maenas and atys . poems on the maenad●s , who were priestesses of bacchus ; and of atys , who made himself an eunuch , to attend on the sacrifices of cybele , call'd berecynthia by the poets ; she was mother of the gods. two painted serpents , &c. two snakes twin'd with each other , were painted on the walls , by the ancients , to shew the place was holy. yet old lucilius , &c. lucilius wrote long before horace ; who imitates his manner of satyr , but far excels him , in the design . king midas , &c. the story is vulgar , that midas king of phrygia , was made judge betwixt apollo and pan , who was the best musician ; he gave the prize to pan ; and apollo in revenge gave him asses ears ▪ he wore his hair long to hide them ▪ but his ●arber discovering them , and not daring to divulge the secret , dug a hole in the ground , and whisper'd into it : the place was marshy ; and when the r●eds grew up , they repeated the words which were spoken by the barber ▪ by midas ▪ the poet meant nero. eupolis and cr●tinus , as also aristophanes mention'd afterwards , were all athenian poets ; who wrote that sort of comedy , which was call●d the old comedy , where the people were nam'd , who were satyriz'd by those authors . who fortunes fault , &c. the people of rome in the time of persius were apt to scorn the grecia● philosophers , particularly the cinicks and stoicks , who were the poorest of them . and with his foot , &c. arithmetick and geometry were taught , on floors which were strew'd with dust , or sand ; in which the numbers ▪ and diagrams were made and drawn , which they might strike out again at pleasure . the second satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the second satyr . this satyr , contains a most grave , and philosophical argument , concerning prayers and wishes . undoubtedly , it gave occasion to juvenal's tenth satyr ; and both of them had their original from one of plato's dialogues , call'd the second alcibiades . our author has induc'd it with great mastery of art ; by taking his rise , from the birth-day of his friend ; on which occasions . prayers were made , and sacrifices offer'd by the native . persius commending first the purity of his friend's vows , descends to the impious and immoral requests of others . the satyr is divided into three parts . the first is the exordium to macrinus , which the poet confines within the compass of four verses , the second relates to the matter of the prayers and vows , and an enumeration of those things , wherein men commonly sinn'd against right reason , and offended in their requests . the third part consists , in shewing the repugnancies of those prayers and wishes , to those of other men , and inconsistencies with themselves . he shews the original of these vows , and sharply inveighs against them : and lastly , not only corrects the false opinion of mankind concerning them ; but gives the true doctrine of all addresses made to heaven ; and how they may be made acceptable to the pow'rs above , in excellent precepts ; and more worthy of a christian than a heathen . the second satyr . dedicated to his friend plotius macrinus on his birth-day . let this auspicious morning be exprest with a white stone , distinguish'd from the rest : white as thy fame , and as thy honour clear ; and let new joys attend , on thy new added year . indulge thy genius , and o'reflow thy soul , till thy wit sparkle , like the chearful bowl . pray ; for thy pray'rs the test of heav'n will bear ; nor need'st thou take the gods aside , to hear ▪ while others , ev'n the mighty men of rome , big swell'd with mischief , to ●he temples come ▪ and in low murmurs , and with costly smoak , heav'ns help , to prosper their black vows , invoke . so boldly to the gods mankind reveal , what from each other they , for shame , conceal . give me good fame , ye pow'rs , and make me just : thus much the rogue to publick ears will trust : in private then : — when wilt thou , mighty iove , my wealthy uncle from this world remove ? or — o thou thund'rer's son , great hercules , that once thy bounteous deity wou'd please to guide my rake , upon the chinking sound of some vast treasure , hidden under-ground ! oh were my pupil fairly knock'd o' th' head ; i shou'd possess th' estate , if he were dead ! he 's so far gone with rickets , and with th' evil , that one small dose wou'd send him to the devil . this is my neighbour nerius his third spouse , of whom in happy time he rids his house . but my eternal wife ! — grant heav'n i may survive to see the fellow of his day ! thus , that thou may'st the better bring about thy wishes , thou art wickedly devout : in tiber ducking thrice , by break of day , to wash th' obscenities of night away . but prithee tell me , ( 't is a small request ) with what ill thoughts of iove art thou possest ? wou'dst thou prefer him to some man ? suppose i dip'd among the worst , and stai●s chose ? which of the two wou'd thy wi●e head declare the trustier tutor to an orphan heir ? or , put it thus : — unfold to staius , straight , what to iove's ear thou didst impart of late : he 'll stare , and ▪ o good iupiter ! will cry , can'st thou indulge him in this villany ! and think'st thou , iove himself , with patience then , can hear a pray'r condemn'd by wicked men ? that , void of care , he lolls supine in state , and leaves his bus'ness to be done by fate ? because his thunder splits some burly t●ee , and is not darted at thy house and thee ? or that his vengeance falls not at the time , just at the perpetration of thy crime ; and makes thee a sad object of our eyes , fit for ergenna's pray'r , and sacrifice ? what well-fed off'ring to appease the god , what pow'rful present , to procure a nod , hast thou in store ? what bribe hast thou prepar'd , to pull him , thus unpunish'd , by the beard ? our superstitions with our life begin : th'obscene old grandam , or the next of kin , the new-born infant from the cradle takes , and first of spettle a lustration makes : then in the spawl her middle finger dips , anoints the temples , forehead , and the lips ; pretending force of witchcraft to prevent , by virtue of her nasty excrement . then dandles him with many a mutter'd pray'r ; that heav'n wou'd make him some rich miser's heir ; lucky to ladies , and , in time , a king ▪ which to insure , she adds a length of navel-string . but no fond nurse is fit to make a pray'r ; and iove , if iove be wise , will never hear ; not tho' she prays in white , with lifted hands : a body made of brass the crone demands for h●r lov'd nurseling , strung with nerves of wire ; tough to the last , and with no toil to tire : unconscionable vows ! which , when we use , we teach the gods , in reason , to refuse . suppose they were indulgent to thy wish ; yet the fat entrails , in the spatious dish , wou'd stop the grant : the very overcare , and nauseous pomp , wou'd hinder half the pray'r . thou hop'st with sacrifice of oxen slain , to compass wealth , and bribe the god of gain , to give thee flocks and herds , with large increase : fool ! to expect 'em from a bullock's grease ! and think'st , that when the fatten'd flames aspire , thou see'st th' accomplishment of thy desire ! now , now , my bearded harvest gilds the plain , the scanty folds can scarce my sheep contain , and show'rs of gold come pouring in amain ! thus dreams the wretch , and vainly thus dreams on , till his lank purse declares his money gone . shou'd i present thee with rare figur'd plate , or gold as rich in workmanship as weight ; o how thy rising heart wou'd throb and beat , and thy left side , with trembling pleasure , sweat ! thou measur'st by thy self the pow'rs divine ; thy gods are burnish'd gold , and silver is their shrine . thy puny godlings of inferiour race ; whose humble statues are content with brass . shou'd some of these , in visions purg'd from fl●am , foretel events , or in a morning dream ; ev'n those thou wou'dst in veneration hold ; and , if not faces , give 'em beards of gold. the priests , in temples , now no longer care for saturn's brass , or numa's earthen-ware ; or vestal urns , in each religious rite : this wicked gold has put 'em all to flight . o souls , in whom no heav'nly fire is found , fat minds , and ever groveling on the ground ! we bring our manners to the blest abodes , and think what pleases us , must please the gods. of oyl and casia one th' ingredients takes , and , of the mixture , a rich ointment makes : another finds the way to dye in grain : and make calabrian wool receive the tyrian stain : or from the shells their orient treasure takes , or , for their golden ore , in rivers rakes ; then melts the mass : all these are vanities ! yet still some profit from their pains may rise : but tell me , priest , if i may be so bold , what are the gods the better for this gold ? the wretch that offers from his wealthy store these presents , bribes the pow'rs to give him more : as maids to venus offer baby-toys , to bless the marriage-bed with girls and boys . but let us for the gods a gift prepare , which the great man's great chargers cannot bear ▪ a soul , where laws both humane and divine , in practice more than speculation shine : a genuine virtue , of a vigorous kind , pure in the last recesses of the mind : when with such off'rings to the gods i come ; a cake , thus giv'n , is worth a hecatomb . the end of the second satyr . explanatory notes on the second satyr . white stone . the romans were us'd to mark their fortunate days , or any thing that luckily befell 'em , with a white stone which they had from the island creta ; and their unfortunate with a coal . hercules was thought to have the key and power of bestowing all hidden treasure . the antients thought themselves tainted and polluted by night it self , as well as bad dreams in the night , and therefore purifi'd themselves by washing their heads and hands every morning ; which custom the turks observe to this day . when any one was thunderstruck , the soothsayer ( who is here call'd ergenna ) immediately repair'd to the place , to expiate the displeasure of the gods , by sacrificing two sheep . the poet laughs at the superstitious ceremonies which the old women made use of in their lustration of purification days , when they nam'd their children , which was done on the eighth day to females , and on the ninth to males . in visions purg'd from fleam , &c. it was the opinion both of grecians and romans , that the gods , in visions or dreams , often reveal'd to their favourites a cure for their diseases , and sometimes those of others . thus alexander dreamt of an herb which cur'd ptolomy . these gods were principally apollo and esculapius ; but , in after times , the same virtue and good-will was attributed to isis and osiris . which brings to my remembrance an odd passage in sir tho. brown's religio medici , or in his vulgar errours ; the sense whereof is , that we are beholding , for many of our discoveries in physick , to the courteous revelation of spirits . by the expression of visions purg'd from phlegm , our author means such dreams or visions , as proceed not from natural causes , or humours of the body ; but such as are sent from heaven ; and are , therefore , certain remedies . for saturn's brass , &c. brazen vessels , in which the publick treasures of the romans was kept : it may be the poet means only old vessels , which were all call'd Κρόνια from the greek name of saturn . note also , that the roman treasury was in the temple of saturn . numa's earthen-ware . under numa the second king of rome , and for a long time after him , the holy vessels for sacrifice were of earthen ware ; according to the superstitious rites which were introduc'd by the same numa : tho afterwards , when memmius had taken corinth , and paulus emilius had conquer'd macedonia , luxury began amongst the romans ; and then their utensils of devotion were of gold and silver , &c. and make calabrian wooll , &c. the wooll of calabria was of the f●●est sort in italy ; as iuvenal also tells us . the tyrian stain , is the purple colour dy'd at tyrus ; and i suppose , but dare not positively affirm , that the richest of that dye was nearest our crimson ; and not scarlet , or that other colour more approaching to the blue . i have not room to justifie my conjecture . as maids to venus , &c. those baby-toys were little babies , or poppets , as we call them ; in latin pupae ; which the girls , when they came to the age of puberty , or child● bearing , offer'd to venus ; as the boys at fourteen or fifteen years of age offer'd their bullae . or bosses . a cake thus given , &c. a cake of barley , or course wheat-meal , with the bran in it : the meaning is , that god is pleas'd with the pure and spotless heart of the offerer ; and not with the riches of the offering ▪ laberius in the fragments of his mimes , has a verse like this ; pur as , deus , non plenas a●picit manus . — what i had forgotten before , in its due place ▪ i must here tell the reader ; that the first half of this satyr was translated by one of my sons , now in italy : but i thought so well of it , that i let it pass without any alteration . the third satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the third satyr . our author has made two satyrs concerning study ; the first and the third : the first related to men ; this to young students , whom he desir'd to be educated in the stoick philosophy : he himself sustains the person of the master , or praeceptor , in this admirable satyr . where he upb●aids the you●h of sloth , and negligen●e in learning . yet he begins with one scholar reproaching his fellow students with late rising to their books . after which he takes upon him the other part , of the teacher . and addressing himself particularly to young noblemen , tells them , that , by reason of their high birth , and the great possessions of their fathers , they are careless of adorning their minds with precepts of moral philosophy : and withall inculcates to them the miseries which will attend them in the whole course of their life , if they do not apply themselves betimes to the knowledge of virtue , and the end of their creation , which he pathetically insinuates to them . the title of this satyr , in some ancient manuscripts , was the reproach of idleness ; tho in others of the scholiasts , 't is inscrib'd , against the luxury and vices of the rich. in both of which the intention of the poet is pursu'd ; but principally in the former . i remember i translated this satyr , when i was a kings-scholar at westminster school , for 〈◊〉 thursday nights exercise ; and believe that it , and many other of my exercises of this nature , in english verse , are still in the hands of my learned master , the reverend doctor busby . the third satyr . is this thy daily course ? the glaring sun breaks in at ev'ry chink : the cattle run to shades , and noon● tide rays of summer shun . yet plung'd in sloth we lye ; and snore supine , as fill'd with fumes of undigested wine . this grave advice some sober student bears ; and loudly rings it in his fellows ears . the yawning youth , scarce half awake , essays his lazy limbs and dozy head to raise : then rubs his gummy eyes , and scrubs his pate ; and cries i thought it had not been so late : my cloaths , make haste : why when ! if none be near , he mutters first , and then begins to swear : and brays aloud , with a more clam'rous note , than an arcadian ass can stretch his throat . with much ado , his book before him laid , and parchment with the smoother side display'd ; he takes the papers ; lays 'em down agen ; and , with unwilling fingers , tries the pen : some peevish quarrel straight he strives to pick ; his quill writes double , or his ink's too thick ; infuse more water ; now 't is grown so thin it sinks , nor can the character be seen . o wretch , and still more wretched ev'ry day ! are mortals born to sleep their lives away ! go back to what thy infancy began , thou who wert never meant to be a man : eat pap and spoon-meat ; for thy gugaws cry ; be sullen , and refuse the lullaby . no more accuse thy pen ; but charge the crime on native sloth , and negligence of time . think'st thou thy master , or thy friends to cheat ? fool , 't is thy self , and that 's a worse deceit . beware the publick laughter of the town ; thou spring'st a leak already in thy crown . a flaw is in thy ill-bak'd vessel found ; 't is hollow , and returns a jarring sound . yet , thy moist clay is pliant to command ; unwrought , and easie to the potter's hand : now take the mold ; now bend thy mind to feel the first sharp motions of the forming wheel . but thou hast land ; a country seat , secure by a just title ; costly furniture ; a fuming-pan thy lares to appease : what need of learning when a man 's at ●ase ? if this be not enough to swell thy soul , then please thy pride , and search the herald's roll : where thou shalt find thy famous pedigree drawn from the root of some old thuscan tree ; and thou , a thousand , off , a fool of long degree . who , clad in purple , canst thy censor greet ; and , loudly , call him cousin , in the street . such pagcantry be to the people shown : there boast thy horse's trappings , and thy own : i know thee to thy bottom ; from within thy shallow centre , to thy ou●most skin : dost thou not blush to live so like a beast ; so trim , so dissolute , so loosely drest ? but , 't is in vain : the wretch is drench'd too deep ; his soul is stupid , and his heart asleep : fatten'd in vice ; so callous , and so gross ; he sins , and sees not ; senseless of his loss . down goes the wretch at once ; unskill'd to swim ; hopeless to bubble up , and reach the water's brim . great father of the gods , when , for our crimes , thou send'st some heavy judgment on the times ; some tyrant-king , the terrour of his age , the type , and true vicegerent of thy rage ; thus punish him : set virtue in his sight , with all her charms adorn'd ; with all her graces bright : but set her distant ; make him pale to see his gains out-weigh'd by lost felicity ! sicilian tortures , and the brazen bull , are emblems , rather than express the full of what he feels : yet what he fears , is more : the wretch , who sitting at his plenteous board , look'd up , and view'd on high the pointed sword hang o'er his head , and hanging by a twine , did with less dread , and more securely dine . ev'n in his sleep he starts , and fears the knife ; and , trembling , in his arms , takes his accomplice wife ▪ down , down he goes ; and from his darling-friend conceals the woes his guilty dreams portend . when i was young , i like a lazy fool , wou'd blear my eyes with oyl , to stay from school : averse from pains , and loath to learn the part of c●to , dying with a dauntless heart : though much , my master , that stern virtue prais'd , which , o'er the vanquisher , the vanquish'd rais'd : and my pleas'd father came , with pride , to see his boy defend the roman liberty . but then my study was to cog the dice ; and dext'rously to throw the lucky sice : to shun ames-ace , that swept my stakes away ; and watch the box , for f●ar they shou'd convey false bones , and put upon me in the play. careful , besides , the whirling top to whip ; and drive her giddy , till she fell asleep . thy years are ripe , nor art thou yet to learn what 's good or ill , and both their ends discern : thou , in the stoick porch , severely bred , hast heard the dogma's of great zeno read : where on the walls , by polignotus hand , the conquer'd medians in trunk-breeches stand . where the shorn youth , to midnight-lectures rise , rous'd from their slumbers , to be early wise : where the coarse cake , and homely husks of beans , from pamp'ring riot the young stomach weans : and , where the samian y , directs thy steps to run , to virtue 's narrow steep , and broad-way vice to shun . and yet thou snor'st ; thou draw'st thy drunken breath , sour with debauch ; and sleep'st the sleep of death . thy chaps are fallen , and thy frame dis-joyn'd : thy body as dissolv'd as is thy mind . hast thou not , yet , propos'd some certain end , to which thy life , thy ev'ry act may tend ? hast thou no mark , at which to bend thy bow ; or like a boy pursu'st the carrion crow with pellets , and with stones from tree to tree : a fruitless toil , and liv'st extempore ? watch the disease in time : for , when within the dropsy rages , and extends the skin , in vain for hellebore the patient cries ; and fees the doctor ; but too late is wise : too late , for cure , he proffers half his wealth : conq●est and guibbons cannot give him health . learn wretches ; learn the motions of the mind : why you were made , for what you were design'd ; and the great moral end of humane kind . study thy self : what rank , or what degree the wise creator has ordain'd for thee : and all the offices of that estate perform ; and with thy prudence guide thy fate . pray justly , to be heard : nor more desire than what the decencies of life require . learn what thou ow'st thy country , and thy friend ; what 's requisite to spare , and what to spend : learn this ; and after , envy not the store of the greaz'd advocate , that grinds the poor fat fees from the defended vmbrian draws ; and only gains the wealthy clients cause . to whom the marsians more provision send , than he and all his family can spend . gammons that give a relish to the taste ; and potted fowl , and fish come in so fast , that , e're the first is out , the second stinks : and mouldy mother gathers on the brinks● but , here , some captain of the land , or fleet , stout of his hands , but of a souldiers wit ; cries , i have sense to serve my turn , in store ; and he 's a rascal who pretends to more . dammce , what-e're those book-learn'd blockheads say . solon's the veriest fool in all the play. top-heavy drones , and always looking down , ( as over-ballasted within the crown ! ) mutt'ring , betwixt their lips , some mystick thing , which , well examin'd , is flat conjuring . meer madmen's dreams : for , what the schools have taught is only this , that nothing can be brought from nothing ; and what is , can ne're be turn'd to nought . is it for this they study ? to grow pale , and miss the pleasures of a glorious meal ; for this , in rags accouter'd , they are seen , and made the may-game of the publick spleen ? proceed , my friend , and rail : but hear me tell a story , which is just thy parallel . a spark , like thee , of the man-killing trade , fell sick ; and thus to his physician said ; methinks i am not right in ev'ry part ; i feel a kind of trembling at my heart : my pulse unequal , and my breath is strong ; besides , a filthy fur upon my tongue . the doctor heard him , exercis'd his skill ; and , after , bad him for four days be still . three days he took good counsel , and began to mend , and look like a recov'ring man : the fourth , he cou'd not hold from drink ; but sends his boy to one of his old trusty friends : adjuring him , by all the pow'rs divine , to pity his distress , who cou'd not dine without a flaggon of his healing wine . he drinks a swilling draught : and , lin'd within , will supple , in the bath , his outward skin : whom shou'd he find , but his physician there ; who , wisely , bad him once again b●ware . sir , you look wan , you hardly draw your breath , drinking is dangerous , and the bath is death : 't is nothing , says the fool ; but , says the friend , this nothing , sir , will bring you to your end . do i not see your dropsy-belly swell ? your yellow skin ? — no more of that ; i 'm well . i have already buried two or three that stood betwixt a fair estate and me , and , doctor , i may live to bury thee . thou tell'st me , i look ill ; and thou look'st worse : iv'e done , says the physician ; take your course . the laughing sot , like all unthinking men , baths and gets drunk ; then baths and drinks again : his throat half throtled with corrupted fleam , and breathing through his jaws a belching steam : amidst his cups with fainting shiv'ring seiz'd , his limbs dis-jointed , and all o're diseas'd , his hand refuses to sustain the bowl : and his teeth chatter , and his eye-balls rowl : t●ll , with his meat ; he vomits out his soul : then , trumpets , torches , and a tedious crew of hireling mourners , for his funeral due . our dear departed brother lies in state ; his heels stretch'd out , and pointing to the gate : and slaves , now manumis'd , on their dead master wait . they hoyst him on the bier , and deal the dole ; and there 's an end of a luxurious fool. but , what 's thy fulsom parable to me ? my body is from all diseases free : my temperate pulse does regularly beat ; feel , and be satisfi'd , my hands and feet : these are not cold , nor those opprest with heat . or lay thy hand upon my naked heart , and thou shalt find me hale in ev'ry part . i grant this true : but , still , the deadly wound is in thy soul : 't is there thou art not sound : say , when thou seest a heap of tempting gold , or a more tempting harlot do'st behold ; then , when she casts on thee a sidelong glance , then try thy heart ; and tell me if it dance . some course cold salade is before thee set : bread , with the bran perhaps , and broken meat ; fall on , and try thy appetite to eat . these are not dishes for thy dainty tooth : what , hast thou got an ulcer in thy mouth ? why stand'st thou picking ? is thy pallat sore ? that bete , and radishes will make thee roar ? such is th' unequal temper of thy mind ; thy passions , in extreams , and unconfin'd : thy hair so bristles with unmanly fears ; as fields of corn , that rise in bearded ears ▪ and , when thy cheeks with flushing fury glow , the rage of boyling caldrons is more slow ; when fed with fuel and with flames below . with foam upon thy lips , and sparkling eyes , thou say'st , and do'st , in such outrageous wise ; that mad orestes , if he saw the show , wou'd swear thou wert the madder of the two. the end of the third satyr . explanatory notes on the third satyr . and parchement , &c. the students us'd to write their notes on parchments ; the inside , on which they wrote , was white ; the other side was hairy : and commonly yellow . quintilian reproves this custom , and advises rather table-books , lin'd with wax , and a stile , like that we use in our vellum table-books , as more easie . a fumeing-pan , &c. before eating , it was customary , to cut off some part of the meat ; which was first put into a pan , or little dish ; then into the fire ; as an offering to the household gods : this they called a libation . drawn from the root , &c. the thuscans were accounted of most ancient nobility . horace observes this , in most of his compliments to mecenas ; who was deriv'd from the old kings of tuscany , now the dominion of the great duke . who clad in purple , &c. the roman knights , attir'd in the robe call'd trabea ; were summon'd by the censor , to appear before him ; and to salute him , in passing by , as their names were call'd over . they led their horses in their hand . see more of this , in pompey's life , written by plutarch . sicilian tortures , &c. some of the sicilian kings were so great tyrants ; that the name is become proverbial . the brazen bull is a known story of phalaris , one of those tyrants ; who when perillus , a famous artist , had presented him with a bull of that metal hollow'd within , which when the condemn'd person was inclos'd in it , wou'd render the sound of a bull 's roaring , caus'd the workman to make the first experiment . docuitque suum mugire iuvencum . the wretch who fitting , &c. he alludes to the story of damocles , a flatterer of one of those sicilian tyrants , namely dionysius . damocles had infinitely extoll'd the happiness of kings . dionysius to convince him of the contrary , invited him to a feast ; and cloath'd him in purple : but caus'd a sword , with the point downward , to be hung over his head , by a silken twine ; which , when he perceiv'd he co●'d eat nothing of the delicates that were set before him . thou , in the stoick porch , &c. the stoicks taught their philosophy , under a porticus , to secure their scholars from the weather . zeno was the chief of that sect. polygnotus , a famous painter ; who drew the pi●tures of the medes and persians , conquer'd by miltiades , themistocles , and other athenian captains , on the walls of the portico , in their natural habits . and where the samian Υ , &c. pithagoras of samos , made the allusion of the y , or greek upsilon , to vice and virtue . one side of the letter being broad , characters vice , to which the ascent is wide and easie . the other side represents virtue ; to which the passage is strait , and difficult : and perhaps our saviour might al●o allude to this , in those noted words of the evangelist , the way to heaven , &c. fat fees , &c. casaubon here notes , that among all the romans , who were brought up to learning , few besides the orators , or lawyers , grew rich. the martians and vmbrians , were the most plentiful , of all the provinces in italy . his heels stretch'd out , &c. the romans were buried withoout the city ; for which reason the poet says , that the dead man's heels were stretch'd out towards the gate . that mad orestes . orestes was son to agamemnon and clitemnestra . agamemnon , at his return from the trojan wars , was slain by aegysthus , the adulterer of clitemnestra . orestes to revenge his fathers death , slew both aegysthus and his mother : for which he was punish'd with madness , by the eumenides , or furies , who continually haunted him . the fourth satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the fourth satyr . our author , living in the time of nero , was contemporary and friend to the noble poet lucan ; both of them , were sufficiently sensible , with all good men , how unskilfully he manag'd the common-wealth : and perhaps might guess at his future tyranny , by some passages , during the latter part of his first five years ▪ tho he broke not out , into his greater excesses , while he was restrain'd by the counsels and authority of seneca . lucan has not spar'd him in the poem of his pharsalia : for his very complement look'd asquint , as well as nero. persius has been bolder , but with caution likewise . for here , in the person of young alcibiades , he arraigns his ambition of meddling with state affairs , without iudgment or experience . 't is probable that he makes seneca in this satyr , sustain the part of socrates , under a borrow'd name . and , withal , discovers some secret vices of nero , concerning his lust , his drunkenness and his effeminacy , which had not yet arriv'd to publick notice . he also reprehends the flattery of his courtiers , who endeavour'd to make all his vices pass for virtues . covetousness was undoubtedly none of his faults ; but it is here describ'd as a veyl cast over the true meaning of the poet , which was to satyrise his prodigality , and voluptuousness ; to which he makes a transition . i find no instance in history , of that emperour 's being a pathique ; tho persius seems to brand him with it . from the two dialogues of plato , both call'd alcibiades , the poet took the arguments , of the second and third satyr , but he inverted the order of them : for the third satyr is taken from the first of those dialogues . the commentatours before casaubon , were ignorant of our author 's secret meaning ; and thought he had only written against young noblemen in general , who were too forward in aspiring to publick magistracy : but this excellent scholiast has unravell'd the whole mystery : and made it apparent , that the sting of the satyr , was particularly aim'd at nero. the fourth satyr . who-e're thou art , whose forward years are bent on state-affairs , to guide the government ; hear , first , what socrates , of old , has said to the lov'd youth , whom he , at athens , bred . tell me , thou pupil , to great pericles , our second hope , my alcibiades , what are the grounds , from whence thou dost prepare to undertake , so young , so vast a care ? perhaps thy wit : ( a chance not often heard , that parts and prudence , shou'd prevent the beard : ) t is seldom seen that , senators so young , know when to speak , and when to hold their tongue . sure thou art born to some peculiar fate ; when the mad people rise against the state , to look them into duty : and command an awful silence with thy lifted hand . then to bespeak 'em thus : athenians , know against right reason all your counsels go ; this is not fair ; nor profitable that ; nor t'other question proper for debate . but thou , no doubt , can'st set the business right ; and give each argument its proper weight : know'st , with an equal hand , to hold the scale : see'st where the reasons pinch , and where they fail : and where exceptions , o're the general rule , prevail . and , taught by inspiration , in a trice , can'st punish crimes ; and brand offending vice. leave ; leave to fathom such high points as these ; nor be ambitious , e're thy time , to please : unseasonably wise , till age , and cares ; have form'd thy soul , to manage great affairs . thy face , thy shape , thy outside , are but vain : thou hast not strength such labours to sustain : drink hellebore , my boy , drink deep , and purge thy brain . what aim'st thou at , and whither tends thy care , in what thy utmost good ? delicious fare ; and , then , to sun thy self in open air . hold , hold ; are all thy empty wishes such ? a good old woman wou'd have said as much . but thou art nobly born ; 't is true ; go boast thy pedigree , the thing thou valu'st most : besides thou art a beau : what 's that , my child ? a fop , well drest , extravagant , and wild : she , that cries herbs , has less impertinence ; and , in her calling , more of common sense . none , none descends into himself ; to find the secret imperfections of his mind : but ev'ry one is eagle-ey'd , to see another's faults , and his deformity . say , dost thou know vectidius ? who , the wretch whose lands beyond the sabines largely stretch ; cover the country ; that a sailing kite can scarce o'reflye 'em , in a day and night ? him , do'st thou mean , who , spight of all his store , is ever craving , and will still be poor ? who cheats for half-pence , and who doffs his coat , to save a farthing in a ferry-boat ? ever a glutton , at another's cost , but in whose kithin dwells perpetual frost ? who eats and drinks with his domestick slaves ; a verier hind than any of his knaves ? born , with the curse and anger of the gods , and that indulgent genius he defrauds ? at harvest-home , and on the sheering-day , when he shou'd thanks to pan and pales pay , and better ceres ; trembling to approach the little barrel , which he fears to broach : he ' says the wimble , often draws it back , and deals to thirsty servants but a smack . to a short meal , he makes a tedious grace , before the barly pudding comes in place : then , bids fall on ; himself , for saving charges , a peel'd slic'd onyon eats , and tipples verjuice . thus fares the drudge : but thou , whose life 's a dream of lazy pleasures , tak'st a worse extream . t is all thy bus'ness , bus'ness how to shun ; to bas'k thy naked body in the sun ; suppling thy stiffen'd joints with fragrant oyl : then , in thy spacious garden , walk a while , to suck the moisture up , and soak it in : and this , thou think'st , but vainly think'st , unseen . but , know , thou art observ'd : and there are those who , if they durst , wou'd all thy secret sins expose . the depilation of thy modest part : thy catamite , the darling of thy heart , his engine-hand , and ev'ry leuder art. when , prone to bear , and patient to receive , thou tak'st the pleasure , which thou canst not give . with odorous oyl , thy head and hair are sleek : and then thou kemb'st the tuzzes on thy cheek : of these thy barbers take a costly care ; while thy salt tail is overgrown with hair . not all thy pincers , nor unmanly arts , can smooth the roughness of thy shameful parts . not five , the strongest that the circus breeds , from the rank soil can root those wicked weeds . tho , suppled first with soap , to ease thy pain , the stubborn fern springs up , and sprouts again . thus others we with defamations wound , while they stab us ; and so the jest goes round . vain are thy hopes , to scape censorious eyes ; truth will appear , through all the thin disguise : thou hast an ulcer , which no leach can heal ; tho thy broad shoulder-belt the wound conceal . say thou art sound and hale in ev'ry part ; we know , we know thee rotton at thy heart . we know thee sullen , impotent , and proud : nor canst thou cheat thy nerve , who cheat'st the croud . but , when they praise me , in the neighbourhood , when the pleas'd people take me for a god , shall i refuse their incense ? not receive the loud applauses which the vulgar give ? if thou do'st wealth , with longing eyes , behold ; and , greedily , art gaping after gold ; if some alluring girl , in gliding by , shall tip the wink , with a la●civious eye , and thou , with a con●enting glance , reply ; if thou , thy own sollicitor become , and bid'st arise the lumpish pendulum : if thy lewd lust provokes an empty storm , and prompts to more than nature can perform ; if , with thy guards , thou scour'st the streets by night , and do'st in murthers , rapes , and spoils delight ; please not thy self , the flatt'ring crowd to hear ; t is fulsom stuff , to feed thy itching ear. reject the nauseous praises of the times : give thy base poets back their cobbled rhymes : survey thy soul , not what thou do'st appear , but what thou art ; and find the beggar there . the end of the fourth satyr . explanatory notes on the fourth satyr . socrates , whom the oracle of delphos prais'd , as the wisest man of his age ; liv'd in the time of the peloponnesian war. he , finding the uncertainty of natural philosophy , appli'd himself wholly to the moral . he was master to xenophon and plato ; and to many of the athenian young noblemen ; amongst the rest , to alcibiades , the most lovely youth , then , living ; afterwards a famous captain ; whose life is written by plutarch . pericles was tutor , or rather overseer of the will of clinias , father to alcibiades . while pericles liv'd , who was a wise man , and an excellent orator , as well as a great general , the athenians had the better of the war. can'st punish crimes , &c. that is by death . when the judges wou'd condemn a malefactor , they cast their votes into an urn ; as according to the modern custom , a ballotting-box . if the suffrages were mark'd with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 they signify'd the sentence of death to the offendor ; as , being the first letter of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , which in english is death . drink hellebore , &c. the poet wou'd say ; that such an ignorant young man , as he here describes , is fitter to be govern'd himself , than to go●ern others . he therefore advises him to drink hellebore , which purges the brain . say , dost thou know vectidius , &c. the name of vectidius is here us'd appellatively to signifie any rich covetous man ; though perhaps there might be a man of that name then living . i have trans●ted this passage paraphrastically , and loosely : and leave it for those to look on , who are not unlike the picture . when he shou'd thanks , &c. pan the god of shepherds , and pales the goddess presiding over rural affairs ; whom virgil invocates in the beginning of his second georgique . i give the epithete of better ▪ to ceres ; because she first taught the use of corn for bread , as the poets tell us . men , in the first rude ages , feeding only on acorns , or mast , instead of bread. the depilation of thy modest part , &c. our author here taxes nero , covertly , with that effeminate custom , now us'd in italy , and especially by harlo●● , of smoothing their bellies , and taking off the hairs , which grow about their secrets . in nero's times they were pull'd off with pincers ; but now they use a past , which apply'd to those parts , when it is remov'd , carries away with it those excrescencies . not five the strongest , &c. the learned holiday , ( who has made us amends for his bad poetry in this and the rest of these satyrs , with his excellent illustrations , ) here tells us , from good authority , that the number five , does not allude to the five fingers of one man , who us'd 〈…〉 off the hairs before mention'd ; but to five strong men , such as were skillful in the five robust exercises , then in practice at rome , and were perform'd in the circus , or publick place , ordain'd for them . these five he reckons up , in this manner . . the caestus , or whirlbatts , describ'd by virgil , in his fifth eneid : and this was the most dangerous of all the rest . the d was the foot-race , the third the discus ; like the throwing a weighty ball ; a sport now us'd in cornwall , and other parts of england : we may see it daily practis'd in red-lyon-fields . the fourth was the saltus , or leaping : and the fifth wrastling naked , and besmear'd with oyl . they who were practis'd in these five manly exercises , were call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . thy nerve , &c. that is , thou can'st not deceive thy obscene part , which is weak , or impotent , tho thou mak'st ostentation of thy performances with women . if with thy guards , &c. persius durst not have been so bold with nero , as i dare now ; and therefore there is only an intimation of that in him , which i publickly speak : i mean of nero's walking the streets by night , in disguise ; and committing all sorts of outrages : for which he was sometimes well beaten . survey thy soul , &c. that is , look into thy self ; and examine thy own conscience , there thou shalt find , that how wealthy soever thou appear'st to the world , yet thou art but a beggar ; because thou art destitute of all virtues ; which are the riches of the soul. this also was a paradox of the stoick school . the fifth satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the fifth satyr . the judicious casaubon , in his proem to this satyr tells us , that aristophanes the grammarian , being ask'd , what poem of archilochus his iambicks he preferr'd before the rest , answerd , the longest . his answer may justly be apply'd to this fifth satyr ; which , being of a greater length than any of the rest , is also , by far , the most instructive . for this reason , i have selected it from all the others ; and inscrib'd it to my learned master doctor busby ; to whom i am not only oblig●d my self , for the best part of my own education , and that of my two sons ; but have also receiv'd from him the first and truest taste of persius . may he be pleas'd to find in this translation , the gratitude , or at least some small acknowledgment of his unworthy scholar , at the distance of years , from the time when i departed from under his tuition . this satyr consists of two distinct parts : the first contains the praises of the sto●ck philosopher cornutus , master and tutor to our persius . it also declares the love and piety of persius , to his well-deserving master : and the mutual friendship which continu'd betwixt them , after persius was now grown a man. as also his exhortation to young noblemen , that they wou'd enter themselves into his institution . from hence he makes an artful transition into the second part of his subject ▪ wherein he first complains of the sloath of scholars ; and afterwards perswades them to the pursuit of their true liberty : here our author excellently treats that paradox of the stoicks , which affirms , that the wise or virtuous man is only free ; and that all vicious men , are naturally slaves . and , in the illustration of this dogma , he takes up the remaining part of this inimitable satyr . the fifth satyr . inscrib'd to the reverend dr. busby . the speakers persius , and cornutus . pers . of ancient use to poets it belongs , to wish themselves an hundred mouths and tongues : whether to the well-lung'd tragedians rage , they recommend their labours of the stage , or sing the parthian , when transfix'd he lies , wrenching the roman javelin from his thighs . corn . and why wou'd'st thou these mighty morsels chuse , of words unchaw'd , and fit to choak the muse ? let fustian poets with their stuff be gone , and suck the mists that hang o're helicon ; when progne's or thyestes's feast they write ; and , for the mouthing actor , verse indite ▪ thou neither , like a bellows , swell'st thy face , as if thou wert to blow the burning mass of melting ore ; nor can'st thou strain thy throat ; or murmur in an undistinguish'd note ; like rowling thunder till it breaks the cloud , and rattling nonsense is discharg'd aloud . soft elocution does thy stile renown ; and the sweet accents of the peaceful gown : gentle or sharp , according to thy choice , to laugh at follies , or to lash at vice. hence draw thy theme ; and to the stage permit raw-head , and bloody-bones , and hands and feet . ragousts for tereus or thyestes drest ; t is task enough for thee t' expose a roman feast . pers . t is not , indeed , my talent to engage in lofty trifles , or to swell my page with wind and noise ; but freely to impart , as to a friend , the secrets of my heart : and , in familiar speech , to let thee know how much i love thee ; and how much i owe. knock on my heart ; for thou hast skill to find if it sound solid , or be fill'd with wind ; and , thro the veil of words , thou view'st the naked mind . for this a hundred voices i desire ; to tell thee what an hundred tongues wou'd tire ; yet never cou'd be worthily exprest , how deeply thou art seated in my breast . when first my childish robe resign'd the charge ; and left me , unc●●fin'd , to live at large ; when now my golden b●lla ( hung on high to house-hold gods ) declar'd me past a boy ; and my white shield proclaim'd my liberty : when , with my wild companions , i cou'd rowl from street to street , and sin without controul ; just at that age , when manhood set me free ; i then depos'd my self , and left the reins to thee . on thy wise bosom i repos'd my head ; and , by my better socrates , was bred . then , thy streight rule , set virtue in my sight ; the crooked line reforming by the right . my reason took the bent of thy command ; was form'd and polish'd by thy skilful hand : long summer-days thy precepts i reherse ; and winter-nights were short in our converse : one was our labour , one was our repose ▪ one frugal supper did our studies close ▪ sure on our birth some friendly planet shone : and , as our souls , our horoscope was one : whether the mounting twins did heav'n adorn , or , with the rising ballance , we wore born ; both have the same impressions from abov● ; and both have saturn's rage , repell'd by love . 〈…〉 has giv'n thee an ascend 〈◊〉 ●o're my mind . corn . nature is ever various in her frame : each has a different will ; and few the same : the greedy merchants , led by lucre , run to the parch'd indies , and the rising sun ; from thence hot pepper , and rich drugs they bear , bart'ring for spices , their italian ware. the lazy glutton safe at home will keep ; indulge his sloth , and batten with his sleep : one bribes for high preferments in the state , a second shakes the box , and sit up late : another shakes the bed ; dissolving there , till knots upon his gouty joints appear , and chalk is in his crippled fingers found ; rots like a doddard oke , and piecemeal falls to ground . then , his lewd follies he wou'd late repent : and his past years , that in a mist were spent . pers . but thou art pale , in nightly studies , grown : to make the stoick institutes thy own : thou long with studious care hast till'd our youth ; and sown our well purg'd ears with wholsom truth : from thee both old and young , with profit , learn the bounds of good and evil to discern ▪ corn . unhappy he who does this work adjourn ; and to to morrow wou'd the s●arch delay ; his lazy morrow will be like to day . pers . but is one day of ease too much to borrow ? corn . yes sure : for yesterday was once to morrow . that yesterday is gone , and nothing gain'd ; and all thy fruitless days will thus be drain'd : for thou hast more to morrows yet to ask , and wilt be ever to begin thy task : who , like the hindmost chariot wheels , art curst ; still to be near ; but ne're to reach the first . o freedom ! first delight of humane kind ! not that which bondmen from their masters find , the priviledge of doles ; nor yet t'inscribe their names in this or t'other roman tribe : that false enfranchisement , with ease is found : slaves are made citizens , by turning round . how , replies one , can any be more free ? here 's dama , once a groom of low degree , not worth a farthing , and a sot beside ; so true a rogue , for lying's sake he ly'd but , with a turn , a freeman he became ; now marcus dama is his worship's name ▪ good gods ! who wou'd refuse to lend a sum , if wealthy marcus surety will become ! marcus is made a judge , and for a proof of certain truth , he said it , is enough . a will is to be prov'd ; put in your claim ; t is clear , if marcus has subscrib'd his name ▪ this is true liberty , as i believe ▪ what farther can we from our caps receive , than as we please , without control to live ? not more to noble brutus cou'd b●long . hold , says the stoick , your assumption's wrong : i grant true freedom you have well defin'd : but living as you list , and to your mind , are loosely tack'd ▪ and must be left behind . what , since the praetor did my fetters loose , and left me freely at my own dispose , may i not live without control or awe , excepting still the letter of the law ? hear me with patience , while thy mind i free from those fond notions of false liberty : t is not the praetor's province to bestow true freedom ; no● to teach mankind to know what to our selves , or to our friends we owe. he cou'd not set thee free from cares and strise ▪ nor give the reins to a lewd vicious life : as well he for an ass a harp might string ; which is against the reason of the thing : for reason still is whisp'ring in your ear , where you are sure to fail , th' attempt forbear . no need of publick sanctions , this to bind , which nature has implanted in the mind : not to pursue the work , to which we 're not design'd . unskill'd in hellebore , if thou shou'd'st try , to mix it , and mistake the quantity , the rules of physick wou'd against thee cry . the high-stoo'd ploughman , shou'd he quit the land , to take the pilot's rudder in his hand , artless of stars , and of the moving sand , the gods wou'd leave him to the waves and wind and think all shame was lost in human-kind . tell me , my friend , from whence hadst thou the skill , so nicely to distinguish good from ill ? or by the sound to judge of gold and brass ; what piece is tinkers metal , what will pass ? and what thou art to follow , what to flye , this to condemn , and that to ratifie ▪ when to be bountiful , and when to spare , but never craving , or oppress'd with care ? the baits of gifts , and money to despise , and look on wealth with undesirng eyes ? when thou can'st truly call these virtues thine , be wise and free , by heavn's consent and mine ▪ but thou , who lately of the common strain , wer 't one of us , if still thou do'st retain the same ill habits , the same follies too , gloss'd over only with a saint-like show , then i resume the freedom which i gave , still thou art bound to vice , and still a slave . thou can'st not wag thy finger , or begin the least light motion , but it tends to si● ▪ how 's this ? not wag my finger , he replies ? no , friend ; nor fuming gums , nor sacrifice , can ever make a madman free , or wise . " virtue and vice are never in one soul : " a man is wholly wise , or wholly is a fool. a heavy bumpkin , taught with daily care , can never dance three steps with a becoming air . pers . in spight of this my freedom still remains . corn . free , what and fetter'd with so many chains ? can'st thou no other master understand ▪ than him that freed thee , by the p●aetor's wand ? shou'd he , who was thy lord , command thee now , with a harsh voice , and supercilious brow , to servile duties , thou wou'd'st fe●r no more ▪ the gallows ▪ and the whip are out of door . but if thy passions lord it in thy breast , art thou not still a slave , and still opprest ▪ whether alone , or in thy harlot's lap , when thou wou'd'st take a lazy morning's nap ; up , up , says avarice ; thou snor'st again , stretchest thy limbs , and yawn'st , but all in vain ; the tyrant lucre no denyal takes ; at his command th' unwilling sluggard wakes : what must i do , he cri●s ? what , says his lord ? why rise , make ready , and go streight aboord : with fish , from euxine seas , thy vessel freight ; flax , castor , coan wines , the precious weight of pepper , and sabean incense , take with thy own hands , from the tir'd camel's back : and with post-haste thy running markets make . be sur● to turn the penny , lye and swear , ti● wholsom sin : but iove , thou say'st , will hear ? swear , fool , or starve ; for the dilemma's even : a tradesman thou ! and hope to go to heav'n ? resolv'd for sea ▪ the slaves thy baggage pack ; each saddled ▪ with his burden on his back : nothing retards thy voyage , now ▪ unless thy other lord forbids ; voluptuousness ▪ and he may ask thi● civil question ▪ friend ▪ what do'st thou make a shipboord ? ●o what end ▪ art thou of bethlem's noble college free ▪ stark , staring mad ; that thou wou'd'st tempt the sea ? cubb'd in a cabbin , on a mattress laid , on a brown george , with lowsie swobbers fed , dead wine that stinks of the boracchio , sup from a fowl jack , or greasie maple cup ? say , wou'd'st thou bear all this , to raise thy store from six i' th' hundred , to six hundred more ? indulge ; and to thy genius freely give : for , not to live at ease , is not to live : death stalks behind thee , and each flying hour does some loose remnant of thy life devour . live , while thou liv'st : for death will makes us all , a name , a nothing but an old wife's tale. speak ; wilt thou avarice , or pleasure chuse to be thy lord : take one , and one refuse . but both , by turns , the rule of thee will have : and thou , betwixt 'em both , wilt be a slave . nor think when once thou hast resisted one , that all thy marks of servitude are gone : the strugling greyhound gnaws his leash in vain ; if , when 't is broken , still he drags the chain . says phaedria to his man , believe me , friend , to this uneasie love i 'le put an end : shall i run out of all ? my friends disgrace , and be the first lewd unthrift of my race ? shall i the neighbours nightly rest invade at her deaf doors , with some vile serenade ? well hast thou freed thy self , his man replies ; go , thank the gods ; and offer sacrifice . ah , says the youth , if we unkindly part , will not the poor fond creature break her heart ? weak soul ! and blindly to destruction led ! she break her heart ! she 'll sooner break your head. she knows her man , and when you rant and swear can draw you to her , with a single hair. but shall i not return ? now , when she sues ? shall i my own , and her desires refuse ? sir , take your course : but my advice is plain : once freed , 't is madness to resume your chain . ay ; there 's the man , who loos'd from lust and pelf , less to the praetor owes , than to himself . but write him down a slave , who , humbly proud , with presents begs preferments from the crowd ; that early suppliant who salutes the tribes , and sets the mob to scramble for his bribes : that some old dotard , sitting in the sun , on holydays may tell , that such a feat was done : in future times this will be counted rare . thy superstition too may claim a share : when flow'rs are strew'd , and lamps in order plac'd , and windows with illuminations grac'd , on herod's day ; when sparkling bouls go round , and tunny's tails in savoury sauce are drown'd , thou mutter'st prayers obscene ; nor do'st refuse the fasts and sabbaths of the curtail'd iews . then a crack'd eggshell thy sick fancy frights : besides the childish fear of walking sprights . of o'regrown guelding priests thou art afraid ; the timbrel , and the squintifego maid of isis , awe thee ; lest the gods , for sin , shou'd , with a swelling dropsie , stuff thy skin : unless three garlick heads the curse avert , eaten each morn , devoutly , next thy heart . preach this among the brawny guards , say'st thou , and see if they thy doctrine will allow : the dull fat captain , with a hound's deep throat , wou'd bellow out a laugh , in a base note : and prize a hundred zeno's , ●ust as much as a clipt sixpence , or a schilling dutch. the end of the fifth satyr . explanatory notes on the fifth satyr . progne was wife to tereus , king of thracia : tereus fell in love with philomela , sister to progne ; ravish'd her , and cut out her tongue : in revenge of which progne kill'd itys , her own son by tereus ; and serv'd him up at a feast , to be eaten by his father . thyestes and atre●s were brothers , both kings : atre●s to revenge himself of his unnatural brother , kill'd the sons of thyestes ; and invited him to eat them . by the childish robe , is meant the praetexta , or first gowns which the roman children of quality wore : these were w●lted with purple : and on those welts were fasten'd the bullae ; or little bells ; which when they came to the age of puberty , were hung up , and consecrated to the lares , or household gods. the first shields which the roman youths wore , were white , and without any impress , or device on them ; to shew they had yet atchiev'd nothing in the wars . socrates , by the oracle was declar'd to be the wisest of mankind : he instructed many of the athenian young noblemen , in morality ; and amongst the rest , alcibiades . astrologers divide the heaven into twelve parts , according to the number of the signs of the zodiack : the sign or constellation which rises in the east , at the birth of any man , is call'd , the ascendant : persius , therefore , judges that cornutus and he had the same , or a like nativity . the sign of gemini . the sign of libra . astrologers have an axiome , that whatsoever saturn ties , is loos'd by iupiter : they account saturn to be a planet of a malevolent nature ; and iupiter of a propitious influence . zeno was the great master of the stoick philosophy : and cleanthes was second to him , in reputation : cornutus , who was master or tutor to persius , was of the same school . when a slave was made free ; he had the priviledge of a roman born ; which was to have a share in the donatives or doles of bread , &c. which were distributed , by the magistrates amongst the people . the roman people was distributed into several tribes : he who was made free was inroll'd into some one of them ; and thereupon enjoy'd the common priviledges of a roman citizen . the master , who intended to infranchise a slave , carried him before the city praetor , and turn'd him round , using these words ; i will that this man be free . slaves had only one name before their freedom : after it , they were admitted to a praenomen , like our christen'd names : so dama ▪ is now call'd marcus dama . at the proof of a testament , the magistrates were to subscribe their names ; as allowing the legality of the will. slaves , when they were set free , had a cap given them , in sign of their liberty . brutus freed the roman people from the tyranny of the tarquins ; and chang'd the form of the government , into a glorious common-wealth . the text of the roman laws , was written in red letters ; which was call'd the rubrick ; translated here , in more general words , the letter of the law. the stoicks held this poradox , that any one vice , or notorious folly , which they call'd madness , hinder'd a man from being virtuous : that a man was of a piece , without a mixture ; either wholly vicious , or good ; one virtue or vice , according to them , including all the rest . the praetor held a wand in his hand ; with which he softly struck the slave on the head , when he declar'd him free . this alludes to the play of terence , call'd the eunuch ; which was excellently imitated of late in english , by sir charles sedley : in the first scene of that comedy , phoedria was introduc'd with his man pamphilus , discoursing , whether he shou'd leave his mistress thais , or return to her , now that she had invited him . he who sued for any office , amongst the romans was call'd a candidate ; because he wore a white gown : and sometimes chalk'd it , to make it appear whiter . he rose early , and went to the levees of those who headed the people : saluted also the tribes severally , when they were gather'd together , to chuse their magistrates ; and distributed a largess amongst them , to engage them for their voices : much resembling our elections of parliament-men . the commentators are divided , what herod this was , whom our author mentions : whether herod the great , whose birth● day might possibly be celebrated , after his death , by the herodians , a sect amongst the iews , who thought him their messiah ; or herod agrippa , living in the author's time , and after it . the latter seems the more probable opinion . the ancients had a superstition , contrary to ours , concerning egg-shells : they thought that if an egg-shell were crack'd , or a hole bor'd in the bottom of it , they were subject to the power of sorcery : we as vainly , break the bottom of an egg-shell , and cross it , when we have eaten the egg ; lest some hag shou'd make use of it , in bewitching us , or sailing over the sea in it , if it were whole . the rest of the priests of isis , and her one-ey'd , or squinting priestess , is more largely treated in the sixth satyr of iuvenal , where the superstitions of women are related . the sixth satyr of aulus persius flaccus . translated into english verse by mr. dryden . argument of the sixth satyr . this sixth satyr treats an admirable common-place of m●ral philosophy ; of the true vse of riches . they are certainly intended by the power who bestows them , as instruments and 〈…〉 betwixt these , is the opinion of the stoicks : which is , that riches may be vseful to the leading a virtuous life ; in case we rightly understand how to give according to right reason ; and how to receive what is given us by others . the 〈…〉 virtue , that persius writes in this satyr : wherein he not only shews the lawful vse of riches , but also sharply inveighs against the vices which are oppos'd to it : and especially of th●se , which consist in the defects of giving or spending ; or in the abuse of riches . he writes to caesius bassus his friend , and a poet also . enquires first of his health and studies ; and afterwards informs him of his own ; and where he is now resident . he gives an account of himself , that he is endeavouring by little and little to wear off his vices ; and particularly , that he is combating ambition , and the desire of wealth . he dwells upon the latter vice : and being sensible , that few men either de●ire , or use riches as they ought , he endeavours to convince them of their folly ; which is the main design of the whole satyr . the sixth satyr . to caesius bassus , a lyrick poet. has winter caus'd thee , friend , to change thy seat , and seek , in sabine air , a warm retreat ? say , do'st thou yet the roman harp command ? do the strings answer to thy noble hand ? great master of the muse , inspir'd to sing the beauties of the first created spring ; the pedigree of nature to rehearse ; and sound the maker's work , in equal verse : now , sporting on thy lyre , the loves of youth , now virtuous age , and venerable truth : expressing justly , sapho's wanton art of odes ; and pindar's more majestick part● for me , my warmer constitution wants more cold , than our ligurian winter grants ; and , therefore , to my native shores retir'd , i view the coast old ennius once admir'd ; where clifts on either side their points display ; and , after , opening in an ampler way , afford the pleasing prospect of the bay. 't is worth your while , o romans , to regard the port of luna ; says our learned bard : who , in a drunken dream , beheld his soul the fifth within the transmigrating roul : which first a peacock , then euphorbus was , then homer next , and next pythagoras ; and last of all the line did into enniu● pass . secure and free from business of the state ; and more secure of what the vulgar prate , here i enjoy my private thoughts ; nor care what rots for sheep the southern winds prepare : survey the neighb'ring fields , and not repine , when i behold a larger crop than mine : to see a beggar 's brat in riches flow , adds not a wrinckle to my even brow ; nor , envious at the sight , will i forbear my plentious bowl , nor bate my bounteous cheer . nor yet unseal the dregs of wine that st●nk of cask ; nor in a nasty flaggon drink ; let others stuff their guts with homely fare ; for men of diff'rent inclinations are , tho born , perhaps , beneath one co●●on stat. in minds and manners twins oppos'd ●e ●ee in the same sign , almost the same degree : one , frugal , on his birth-day fears to dine : does at a penny 's co●t in herbs repine , and hardly dares to dip his fingers in the brine . prepar'd as priest of his own rites , to stand , he sprinkles pepper with a sparing hand . his jolly brother , opposite in sence , laughs at his thrift ; and lavish of expence , quaffs , crams , and guttles , in his own defence . for me , i 'le use my own ; and take my share ; yet will not turbots for my slaves prepare : nor be so nice in taste my self , to know if what i swallow be a thrush or no. live on thy annual income ! spend thy store ; and freely grind , from thy full threshing-floor ; next harvest promises as much or more . thus i wou'd live : but friendship 's holy band , and offices of kindness hold my hand : my friend is shipwreck'd on the brutian s●rand . his riches in ●h ' ioni●● main are lost : and he himself stands shiv'ring on the coast ; where , destitute of help , forlorn , and bare , he wearies the deaf gods with fruitless pray'● . their images , the relicks of the w●ack , torn from the naked poop , are tided back , by the wild waves , and ●udely thrown ashore , lye impotent : nor can themselves restore . the vessel sticks and shews her open'd ●ide , and on her shatte●'d mast the mews in triumph ride . from thy new hope and from thy growing store , now lend assistance , and relieve the poor . come ; do a noble act of charity : a pittance of thy land will set him free . let him not bear the badges of a wrack nor beg with a blue table on his back nor tell me , that thy frowning heir will say , 't is mine that wealth thou squander'st thus away ; what is 't to thee , if he neglect thy urn ; or without spices lets thy body burn ? if odours to thy ashes he refuse , or buys corrupted cassia from the iews ? all these , the wiser bestius will reply , are empty pomp , and deadmen's luxury : we never knew this vain expence , before th'effeminated grecians brought it o're : now toys and trifles from their athens come : and dates and pepper have unsinnew'd rome . our sweating hinds their sallads , now , defile ; infecting homely herbs with fragrant oyl . but , to thy fortune be not thou a slave ; for what hast thou to fear beyond the grave ? and thou who gap'st for my estate , draw near ; for i wou'd whisper somewhat in thy ear. hear'st thou the news , my friend ? th' express is come with laurell'd letters from the camp to rome : caesar salutes the queen and senate thus ; my arms are , on the rhine , victorious . from mourning altars sweep the du●t away : cease fasting , and proclaim a fat thanksgiving day . the goodly empress , jollily inclin'd , is , to the welcome bearer , wond'rous kind : and , setting her goodhousewifry aside , prepares for all the pageantry of pride . the captive germans , of gygantick size , are ranck'd in order , and are clad in frize : the spoils of kings , and conquer'd camps we boast , their arms in trophies hang , on the triumphal post . now , for so many glorious actions done , in foreign parts , and mighty battels won ; for peace at home , and for the publick wealth i mean to crown a bowl , to caesar's health : besides , in gratitude for such high matters ▪ know i have vow'd two hundred gladiators . say , woud'st thou hinder me from this expence ? i disinherit thee if thou dar'st take offence . yet more a publick largess i design of oyl , and pyes to make the people dine : controul me not for fear i change my will ; and yet methinks i hear thee grumbling still , you give as if you were the persian king ; your land does no such large revenues bring . well ; on my terms thou wilt not be my heir , if thou car'st little , less shall be my care : were none of all my father's sisters lest ; nay were i of my mother's kin bereft ; none by an uncle's , or a grandam's side , yet i cou'd some adopted heir provide . i need but take my journey half a day from haughty rome , and at aricea stay ; where fortune throws poor m●●ius in my way . him will i chuse : what him , of humble birth , obscure , a foundling , and a son of earth ? obscure ! why prithee what am i ? i know● my father , grandsire , and great grandsire too : if farther i derive my pedigree , i can but guess beyond the fourth degree . the rest of my forgotten ancestors , were sons of earth , like him , or sons of whores . yet why shou'd'st thou , old covetous wretch , aspir● to be my heir , who might'st have been my sire ? in nature's race , shou'd'st thou demand of me my torch , when i in course run after thee ? think i approach thee , like the god of gain● with wings on head , and heels , as poets ●eign : thy mod'rate forune from my guift receive : now fairly take it , or as fairly leave : but take it as it is , and a●k no more : what , when thou hast embezel'd all thy store ? where●s all thy father left ? 't is true , i grant , some i have mortgag'd , to supply my want : the legacies of tadius too are flown : all spent , and on the self same errand gone . how little then to my poor share will fall ? little indeed , but yet that little 's all . nor tell me , in a dying father's tone , be careful still of the main chance , my son ; put out the principal , in ●rusty hands : live of the use ; and never dip thy lands : but yet what 's left for me ? what 's left , my friend , ask that again , and all the rest i spend . is not my fortune at my own command ? pour oyl ; and pour it with a plenteous hand , upon my sallads , boy : shall i be fed with sodden nettles , and a sing'd sow's head ? t is holyday ; provide me better cheer : t is holyday , and shall be round the year . shall i my houshold gods , and genius , cheat , to make him rich , who grudges me my meat ? that he may loll at ease ; and pamper'd high , when i am laid , may feed on giblet pye ? and when his throbbing lust extends the vein , have wherewithall his whores to entertain ? shall i in homespun cloath be clad , that he his paunch in triumph may before him see . go miser , go ; for lucre sell thy soul ; truck wares for wares , and trudge from pole to pole : that men may say , when thou art dead and gone , see what a vast estate he left his son ! how large a family of brawny knaves , well fed , and fat as capadocian slaves ! encrease thy wealth , and double all thy store ; t is done : now double that , and swell the score ; to ev'ry thousand add ten thousand more . then say , chrysippus , thou who wou'd'st confine thy heap , where i shall put an end to mine . the end of the sixth satyr . explanatory notes on the sixth satyr . and seek , in sabine air , &c. all the studious , and particularly the poets , about the end of august , began to set themselves on work : refraining from writing , during the heats of the summer . they wrote by night ; and sate up the greatest part of it . for which reason the product of their studies , was call'd their elucubrations ; or nightly labours . they who had country seats retir'd to them , while they studied : as persius did to his , which was near the port of the moon in etruria ; and bassus to his , which was in the country of the sabines , nearer rome . now sporting on thy lyre , &c. this proves caesius bassus to have been a lyrick poet : 't is said of him , that by an eruption of the flameing mountain vesuvius , near which the greatest part of his fortune lay , he was burnt himself , together with all his writings . who , in a drunken dream , &c. i call it a drunken dream of ennius ; not that my author in this place gives me any encouragement for the epithete ; but because horace , and all who mention ennius , say he was an excessive drinker of wine . in a dream , or vision , call you it which you please , he thought it was reveal'd to him , that the soul of pithagoras was transmigrated into him : as pithagoras , before him believ'd , that himself had been euphorbus in the wars of troy. commentators differ in placing the order of this soul , and who had it first . i have here given it to the peacock ; because it looks more according to the order of nature , that it shou'd lodge , in a creature of an inferiour species ; and so by gradation rise to the informing of a man. and persius favours me , by saying that ennius was the fifth from the pithagorean peacock . my friend is shipwreck'd on , &c. perhaps this is only a fine transition of the poet , to introduce the business of the satyr ; and not , that any such accident had happen'd to one of the friends of persius . but , however , this is the most poetical description of any in our author : and since he and lucan were so great friends , i know not but lucan might help him , in two or three of these verses , which seem to be written in his stile ; certain it is , that besides this description of a shipwreck , and two lines more , which are at the end of the second satyr , our poet has written nothing elegantly . i will therefore transcribe both the passages , to justifie my opinion . the following are the last verses saving one of the second satyr . the others are those in this present satyr , which are subjoyn'd . — trabe ruptâ . bruttia saxa prendit amicus inops : remque omnem , surdaque vota co●didit ionio : iacet ipse in littore ; & ●nà ingentes de puppe dei : iamque obvia mergis costa ratis lacerae . — from thy new hope , &c. the latin is , nunc & de cespite vivo , frange aliquid . casaubon only opposes the cespes vivus , which word for word , is the living turf , to the harvest or annual income : i suppose the poet rather means , sell a piece of land already sown ; and give the money of it to my friend who has lo●t all by shipwreck : that is , do not stay till thou hast reap'd : but help him immediately , as his wants require . not beg with a blue table , &c. holiday translates it a green table : the sence is the same ; for the table was painted of the sea colour ; which the shipwreck'd person carried on his back● expressing his losses thereby , to excite the charity of the spectators . or without spices , &c. the bodies of the rich before they were burnt , were imbalm'd with spices ; or rather spices were put into the urn , with the relicks of the ashes . our author here names cinnamun● and cassia , which cassia , was sophisticated with cherry gum : and probably enough by the iews ; who adulterate all things which they sell. but whether the ancients were acquainted with the spices of the molucca islands , ceylon , and other parts of the indies ; or whether their pepper and cinnamon , &c. were the same with ours , is another question . as for nutmegs , and mace , 't is plain , that the latin names of them are modern . caesar salutes , &c. the caesar here mention'd is caius caligula ; who affected to triumph over the germans , whom he never conquer'd ; as he did over the britains . and accordingly sent letters wrapt about with laurels , to the senate , and the empress caesonia , whom i here cal● queen ; though i know that name was not us'd amongst the romans : but the word empress wou'd not stand in that verse : for which reason i adjourn'd it to another . the dust which was to be swept away from the altars , was either the a●hes which were left there ; after the last sacrifice for victory ; or might perhaps mean the dust or ashes , which were left on the altars , si●ce some former defeat of the romans , by the germans : after which overthrow , the altars had been neglected . caesonia wife to caius caligula , who afterwards , in the reign of claudius , was propos'd , but ineffectually , to be marry'd to him ; after he had executed messallina , for adultery . the captive germans , &c. he means only such , as were to pass for germans , in the triumph : ● large body'd men , as they are still ; whom the empress cloath'd new , with course garments ; for the greater ostentation of the victory . know , i have vow'd two hundred gladiators . a hundred pair of gladiators , were beyond the purse of a private man to give : therefore this is only a threatning to his heir , that he cou'd do what he pleas'd with his estate . shou'd'st thou demand of me , my torch , &c. why shou'd'st thou , who art an old fellow , hope to out-live me , and be my heir , who am much younger ? he who was first , in the course , or race , deliver'd the torch , which he carried , to him who was second . well fed , and fat as cappadocian slaves . who were famous , for their lustiness ; and being , as we call it , in good likeing . they were set on a stall when they were expos'd to sale ; to shew the good habit of their body ; and made to play tricks before the buyers , to shew their activity and strength . then say , chrysippus , &c. chrysippus the stoick , invented a kind of argument , consisting of more than three propositions ; which is call'd sorites ; or a heap . but as chrysippus cou'd never bring his propositions to a certain stint : so neither can a covetous man , bring his craving desires to any certain measure of riches , beyond which , he cou'd not wish for any more . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e codrus , or it may be cordus , a bad poet who wrote the life and actions of theseus . telephus , the name of a tragedy . orestes , another tragedy . some commentators take this grove to be ● place where poets were us'd to repeat their works to the people , but more probably , both this and vulcan's grott , or cave , and the rest of the places and names here mention'd , are only meant for the common places of homer , in his iliads and odysses . the best and worst ; that is , the best and the worst poets . this was one of the themes given in the schools of rhetoricians , in the deliberative kind ; whether sylla should lay down the supreme power of dictatorship , or still keep it . lucilius , the first satyrist of the romans , who wrote long before horace . mevia , a name put for any impudent or mannish woman . iuvenal's barber now grown wealthy . crispinus , an egyptian slave ; now by his riches transform'd into a nobleman . the romans were grown so effeminate in iuvenal's time , that they wore light rings in the summer , and heavier in the winter . matho , a famous lawyer , mention'd in other places by iuvenal and martial . at lyons ; a city in france , where annual sacrifices and games were made in honour of augustus caesar. here the poet complains that the governours of provinces being accus'd for their unjust exactions , though they were condemned at their tryals , yet got off by bribery . horace , who wrote satyrs : 't is more noble , says our author , to imitate him in that way , than to write the labours of hercules , the sufferings of diomedes and his followers , or the flight of dedalus who made the labyrinth , and the death of his son icarus . nero marry'd sporus an eunuch ; though it may be the poet meant nero's mistress in mans apparel . mecenas is often tax'd by seneca and others , for his effeminacy . the meaning is , that the very consideration of such a crime , will hinder a virtuous man from taking his repose . deucalion and pyrrha , when the world was drown'd , escap'd to the top of mount parnassus ; and were commanded to restore mankind by throwing stones over their heads : the stones he threw became men , and those she threw became women . the ears of all slaves were bor'd as a mark of their servitude ; which custom is still usual in the east-indies , and in other parts , even for whole nations ; who bore prodigious holes in their ears , and wear vast weights at them . the poor patrician ; the poor nobleman . pallas , a slave freed by claudius caesar , and rais'd by his favour to great riches . licinius was another wealthy freedman , belonging to augustus . perhaps the storks were us'd to build on the top of the temple dedicated to concord . he calls the roman knights , & ● ▪ harpies , or devourers : in those days the rich made doles intended for the poor : but the great were either so covetous , or so needy , that they came in their litters to demand their shares of the largess ; and thereby prevented , and consequently starv'd the poor . the meaning is , that noblemen wou'd cause empty litters to be carried to the giver's door , pretending their wives were within them : 't is galla , that is , my wife : the next words let her ladyship but peep , are of the servant who distributes the dole ; let me see her , that i may be sure she is within the litter . the husband answers , she is asleep , and to open the litter would disturb her rest. the poet here tells you how the idle pass'd their time ; in going first to the levees of the great , then to the hall , that is , to the temple of apollo , to hear the lawyers plead , then to the market-place of augustus , where the statues of the famous romans were set in ranks on pedestals : amongst which statues were seen those of foreigners , such as arabs , &c. who for no desert , but only on the account of their wealth , or favour , were plac'd amongst the noblest . a poet may safely write an heroick poem , such as that of virgil , who describes the duel of turnus and aeneas ; or of homer , who writes of achilles and hector ; or the death of hylas the catamite of hercules ; who stooping for water , dropt his pitcher , and fell into the well after it . but 't is dangerous to write satyr like lucilius . notes for div a -e suppos'd by some , to be caesar , pompey , and crassus ; but by others ( more probably ) augustus , anthony , and lepidus . the lex iulia against adultery . viz. deform'd , and so resembling domitian . the law so called , from scantinius , against whom it was put in execution . suppos'd to be the colledge of priests , appointed by domitian to celebrate the quinquatria to minerva . because here women were excluded from the mysteries , as men were elsewhere from ceres's worship . the goddess of impudence worshipp'd at athens . a strumpet in her life time , that us'd to dance naked with most obscene gestures . an instance of extraordinary effeminacy , it being the custom for only women to swear by goddesses ; the men by iove , hercules , &c. alluding to the priests of the phrygian goddesses , who were castrated . viz. the one to punish , the other to expiate such unnatural crimes . he means one of the salii , or priests of mars , who carry'd his shield and implements , and was brawny enough to dance under them at his festival . c●elestia martis arma ferunt salii . ov. fast. . mars , father of romulus , who founded rome . emrods , call'd in latin , ficu● . notes for div a -e cvmae , a small city in campania , near puteoli , or puzzolo as it is call'd . the habitation of the c●maean sybil. another little town in campanio , near the sea : a pleasant place . a small barren island belonging to the kingdom of naples . the poets in iuvenal's time , us'd to rehearse their poetry in august . the second king of rome ; who made their laws , and instituted their religion . nymph . aegeria , a nymph , or goddess ; with whom numa feign'd to converse by night ; and to be instructed by her , in modeling his superstitions . where daedalus , &c. meaning at c●m●e . lache●is ; one of the three desti●ies , whose office was to spin the life of every man : as it was of clotho to hold the distaff , and atropos to cut the thread . any debauch'd wicked fellow who gains by the times . with thumbs ben● backward . in a prize of sword-players , when one of the fencers had the other at his mercy , the vanquish'd party implor'd the clemency of the spectators . if they thought he deserv'd it not , they held up their thumbs and bent them backwards , in sign of death . praetor in sicily , contemporary with cicero ; by whom accus'd of oppressing the province , he was condemn'd : his name is u●'d here for any rich vicious man. tagu● , a famous river in spain , which discharges it self into the ocean near lisbone in portugal . it was held of old , to be full of golden sands . orontes , the greatest river of syria : the p●et here puts the river for the inhabitans of syria . tyber ; the river which runs by rom● first king of rome ; son of mars , as the poets feign , the first romans were originally herdsmen . but in that town , &c. he means athens ; of which , pallas the goddess of arms and arts was patroness . antiochus and stratocles , two famous grecian mimicks , or actors in the poet's time . a rigid stoick , &c. p●blius egnatius a stoick , falsly accus'd bareas soranus ; as tacitus tells us . diphilus , and protogenes , &c. were grecians living in rome . or him who ●ad , &c. lucius metellus the high priest ; who when the temple of vesta was on fire , sav'd the palladium . for by the roscian law , &c. roscius a tribune , who order'd the distinction of places in publick shows , betwixt the noblemen of rome and the plebeians . where none but only dead men , &c. the meaning is , that men in some parts of italy never wore a gown ( the usual habit of the romans ) till they were bury'd in one . cossus is here taken for any great man. where the tame pidgeons , &c. the romans us'd to breed their ●ame pidgeons in their garrets . codrus , a learned man , very poor : by his books suppos'd to be a poet. for , in all probability , the heroick verses here mention'd , which rats and mice devour'd , were homer's works . he means herbs , roots , fruits , and sallads . gygantick corbulo . corbulo was a famous general in nero's time , who conquerd armenia ; and was afterwards put to death by that tyrant , when he was in greece , in reward of his great services . his stature was not only tall , above the ordinary size ; but he was also proportionably strong . t●e ferry-man's , &c. charon the ferry-man of hell ; whose fare was a half-penny for every soul. the friend of achilles , was patroclus who was slain by hector . beneath the kings , &c. rome was originally rul'd by kings ; till for the rape of lucretia , tarquin the proud was expell'd . after which it was govern'd by two consuls , yearly chosen : but they oppressing the people , the commoners mutiny'd ; and procur'd tribunes to be created ; who defended their priviledges , and often oppos'd the consu ar authority , and the senate . aquinum , was the birth-place of iuvenal . notes for div a -e if laws their course , &c. ought to descend , &c. crispinus had deflour'd a vestal virgin , but by his favour with domitian , she escap'd the punishment due to her offence ; which was to be bury'd alive by numa's law ; as may be seen in livy , l. . and is more particularly describ'd in plutarch's life of numa . six thousand of the roman sestertii , which makes six sestertia , according to our account , l. s. d. apicius . a man for gluttony and prodigality famous even to a proverb , who having spent most of his vast estate upon his gut , for fear of want poison'd himself , senec. part of italy , near the adriatick gulf , where land it seems , was very cheap , either for the barrenness and cragged heighth of the mountains , or for the unwholsomness of the air , and the wind atabulus . horac . lib. . sat. . montes apulia notos — quos torret atabulus & quos nunquam erepsemus , &c. the emperor domitian . the flavian race decay'd . domitian was the last and worst of the flavian family , which tho at first obscure , yet had produc'd great and good men. reipublica nequaquam paenitenda , says sueton. . for of this family were vespasian and titus . domitian , who could not so much as bear with patience the mention of baldness ▪ tho in jest only , and objected to another , as suetonius in his life tells us . and who , for his cruelty , is here call'd a second nero. the emperor domitian call'd so , either from his instituting the colledge of the alban priests , of whom he was as it were , chief ; or for taking upon him the office of pontifex maximus in the condemnation of the vestal virgin cornetia ; or , more generally , because often the emperors assum'd both the title and office of high priest. palphurius and armillatus . both men of consular degree : lawyers , and spies , and informers , and so favourites of domitian . what remains of alba , &c. alba longa built by ascanius , about fifteen miles from rome , was destroy'd after by tullus hostilius , the temples only excepted , ( liv. l. . ) the albans upon this their misfortunes neglecting their worship , were by sundry prodigies commanded to restore their ancient rites , the chief of which was the keeping perpetually burning the vestal fire , which was brought thither by aenaeas and his trojans as a fatal pledge of the perpetuity of the roman empire . there was a more stately temple erected to vesta at rome by numa , than this of alba , where the same ceremonies were us'd . the senate always so call'd . patres conscripti . some say that of the people of this country , which is a part of illyricum , the romans made their cryers , because of their lowd voyces . others take liburnus for the proper name of one man — liburnus that the senate call'd . a citizen of alba , a very learned lawyer , and praefect or chief magistrate of rome . he calls him here bayliff : as if rome , by domitian's cruelty , had so far lost its liberty and priviledges , that it now was no better than a country village , and fit to be govern'd by no better than a bayliff . old crispus , ( vibius crispus . ) this was he that made the known jest upon domitian's killing flies . when one day domitian being alone in his closet , and being ask'd whether there was any one left within with the emperor , he answer'd no , not so much as a fly. the names and characters of most of these senators here mention'd may be found in suetonius ' life of domitian , and in tacitus . of an obscure and unknown family . 't is a known story , how brutus finding that his own brother and some of the most considerable men of rome had been put to death by tarquinius superbus , counterfeited himself a madman or fool , and so avoided the tyrant's cruelty , till he had gain'd a fit time to destroy him , revenge his brother's and countrymens deaths , and free rome . ●in those antient and more simple times , when it was the custom never to shave their beards : for years there was no such thing as a barber heard of in rome . for domitian's cruelty reach'd even to the common people , and those of lower birth , which ( in the end of this satyr ) the poet tells us , caus'd his destruction . nero , who wrote a satyr upon quintianus , whom he charges with his own prof●igate lewdness , and debauchery . tacit. annal. . cornelius fu●cus , a noble man of no manner of experience , or more knowledge in war affairs than what he had study'd in his own country retirement , was yet by domitian twice sent with an army against the dacians , in the last of which his army was defeated , and himself slain . the common stands for beggars . arviragus . one of the ancient brittish kings . he makes the flatterer call the sharp fins rising on the fishes back , spears ; and to signifie and portend that domitian shall stick the like in some foreign enemy . some skilful potter . alluding to the old fable of prometheus , whose skill in this art was such , that he made a man of clay . the cirecean promontory , nam'd from circe that liv'd there , on the shore of campania . the lucrine lake . between bajae and puteoli . the rutupian shore . rutupae or rutupi , an antient towns name on the kentish shoar , suppos'd to be our richborough . these were all famous in those times for oysters . notes for div a -e a buffoon and parasite of augustus caesar. the same perhaps with that sarmentus in horace . sat. . l. . where common beggars us'd to place themselves . it was the custom in rome for the clients to attend their patrons , to salute them in the morning . virgil , martial , &c. that constellation otherwise call'd the bear , which appearing always above the horizon , is said by the poets never to descend into the sea. the meaning is , that trebius was forc'd to run early in the morning , by the light of those stars . a priest of cybele . from setia a town of campania , renowned for the best wines . thrasea and helvidius his sons-in-law , men of great virtue , constancy , and zeal for the liberty of their country ; they were both oppress'd by nero , thrasea put to death , and helvidius banish'd : tacitus has related at large the charge and accusation of thrasea , with what bravery he received the order by which he was commanded to dye , and being allowed his choice , opened his veins with these words , libemus iovi liberatori . annal. lib. . they are said here to have solemnly observ'd the birth-days of brutus and cassius , the deliverers of their country ; which may perhaps be true , tho it be not objected among many things of this kind in tacitus . an allusion to that of virgil describing aeneas stellatus , iaspide fulvâ ensis erat . the romans mightily affected to be serv'd by beautiful boys , whom they bought at vast rates . martial , &c. one of the seven hills on which rome was built . the authors whom i have the opportunity to consult , are not agreed what fish is meant by squilla ; i have translated it sturgeon , i confess at random , but it may serve as well . a town in campania , famous for the best oil. the name of a king of mauritania : but here must be understood as the name of any noble moor. a town of sicily . one of those whom the romans call'd h●●redipetae ; who courted and presented the rich and childless , in hope to become their heirs . the fish of tyber were for this reason thought the worst in italy . the story of the cale●onian bo●r ▪ slain by meleager , is to be found , metamor . lib. . rainy and thundring springs produce abundance of mushroms , and were therefore desired . pliny lib. . rome was supply'd with great quantities of corn from africa , and of mushroms too it seems . the name of a glutton or parasite . the name of a famous thief , who stole the oxen of hercules , and drew them into his den backwards ; but was slain by hercules , and drag'd out by the heels . aeneid . . the census equestris , about l. english. roscius otho made a law , that whereas before roman gentlemen and commons sat promiscuously in the theatres , there shou'd be fourteen seats or benches apart for those who were worth that sum. an allusion to that of dido , si quis mihi parvulus aula ▪ ●●deret aen●as . the meaning is , thou must have no child to de●eat hi● hopes of becoming thy heir . ironically . his wife agrippina gave him a poyson'd one of which he dy'd . see that ingenious satyr of seneca , cla●dij apocolocyntosis . the gardens of alcinous , king of the phaeacians , are renown'd in homer and all antiquity . in the following lines there is in the original reference to the custom of roman children , wearing for distinction of their quality , the bulla aurea or corsacca . i have translated them according to the intent and sense of the poet , without allusion to those customs ; which being unknown to meer english readers , wou'd have only made the translation as obscure as the original . of so many indignities . i know the commentators give another sense of these last lines , but i take them to allude to the manner of the manumission of slaves , which was done by giving them a touch or blow on the head , by their ●ord or the praetor , with a wand call'd vindicta ; and thus the meaning will be that trebius , weari'd at last , will be glad to be discharg'd from the slavery of attending , where he finds such usage . notes for div a -e in the golden age : when saturn reign'd . acorns were the bread of mankind , before corn was found . when iove had driven his father into banishment , the silver age began , according to the poets . vneasie iustice , &c. the poet makes justice and chastity sisters ; and says that they ●●ed to heaven together ; and left earth for ever . when the roman women were forbidden to bed with their husbands . of whom more fornicating stories are told , than any of the other gods. she fled to egypt ; which wonder'd at the enormity of her crime . he tells the famous story of messalina , wife to the emperor claudius . wealth has the priviledge , &c. his meaning is , that a wife who brings a large dowry may do what she pleases , and has all the priviledges of a widow . a ring of great price , which herod agrippa gave to his sister berenice . he was king of the iews , but tributary to the romans . mother to the gracchi , of the family of the cornelit ; from whence scipio the affrican was descended , who triumph'd over hannibal . o paean , &c. he alludes to the known fable of ni●be in ovid. amphion was her husband : paean is apollo , who with his arrows kill'd her children , because she boasted that she was more fruitful than latona , apollo's mother . the thirty pigs , &c. he alludes to the white sow in virgil , who farrow'd thirty pigs . women then learnt greek , as ours speak french. all the romans , even the most inferiour , and most infamous sort of them , had the power of making wills. go drag that slave , &c. these are the words of the wife . your reason why , &c. the answer of the husband . call'st thou that slave a man ? the wife again . a famous carthaginian captain ; who was upon the point of conquering the romans . the good goddess . at whose feasts no men were to be present . who lived three hundred years . what singer , &c. he alludes to the story of p. clodius , who , disguis'd in the habit of a singing woman , went into the house of caesar , where the feast of the good goddess was celebrated ; to find an opportunity with caesar's wife pompeia . he taxes women with their loving eunuchs , who can get no children ; but adds that they only love such eunuchs , as are g●elded when they are already at the age of manhood . the god of lust. a famous singing boy . that such an actor whom they love might obtain the prize . he who inspects the entrails of the sacrifice , and from thence , foretels the successor . the god of smiths . the ancients thought that with such sounds , they cou'd bring the moon out of her eclipse . a woman who has learn'd logick . a woman-grammarian , who corrects her husband for speaking false latin , which is call'd breaking priscian's head. that is , of she asses . are grown to a proverb in latin , for their cruelty . this dressing up the head so high , which we call a tow'r , was an ancient way amongst the romans . bellona's priests were a sort of fortune-tellers ; and the high-priest an eunuch . a garment was given to the priest , which he threw into the river ; and that , they thought , bore all the sins of the people , which were drown'd with it . chaldaeans are thought to have been the first astrologers . otho succeeded galba in the empire ; which was foretold him by an astrologer . mars and saturn are the two unfortunate planets ; iupiter and venus , the two fortunate . a famous astrologer , an egyptian . the brachmans are indian philosophers , who remain to this day ; and hold , after pythagoras , the translation of souls from one body to another . his meaning is , help her to any kind of slops , which may cause her to miscarry ; for fear she may be brought to bed of a black-moor , which thou , being her husband , art bound to father ; and that bastard may by law , inherit thy estate . the romans thought it ominous to see a blackmoor in the morning , if he were the first man they met . wife to caius caligula , the great tyrant : 't is said she gave him a love-potion , which flying up into his head , distracted him ; and was the occasion of his committing so many acts of cruelty . the story is in homer ; where iuno borrow'd the girdle of venus , call'd cestos ; to make iupiter in love with her , while the grecians and trojans were fighting , that he might not help the latter . agrippina was the mother of the tyrant nero , who poyson'd her husband claudius , that nero might succeed , who was her son , and not britannicus , who was the son of claudius , by a former wife . the widow of drymon poison'd her sons , that she might s●cceed to their estate : this was done either in the poet's time , or just before it . medea , out of revenge to iason who had forsaken her , kill'd the children which she had by him . who were fifty sisters , marry'd to fifty young men , their cousin-germans ; and kill'd them all on their wedding-night , excepting hipermnestra , who sav'd her husband linus . the wife of agamemnon , who , in favour to her adulterer estgyhus , was consenting to his murther . notes for div a -e a statue erected in honour of a poet. in which the poets rehears'd . a famous poet , who was in great favour with the emperour augustus caesar , by the means of his patron mecaenas . one of the three furies . a favourite to augustus , and a great patron of poets . mecenas his boy ; with whom virgil was in love. a poor tragick poet. an excellent poet of athens , who wrote greek tragedies . a rich nobleman of rome . a great poet , who was put to death by nero , partly out of envy to his poetry , partly , for being in a plot with his unckle seneca and piso. a poor poet. sirnam'd papinius , a famous poet in the ti●● of caesar domitian . paris , a famous actor ; and favourite to domitian ; the patron of statius . the romans celebrated their gr●●t holydays , call'd 〈◊〉 in december ; when every one drank freely ; and the slaves were in a manner , masters . or rather a publick notary . in those times the lawyers got little . alluding to that of ovid ; consedere duces , &c. when an orator had won a cause ; a garland was hung up , before his door . treuffles , in english , call'd ground chest-nuts , or pignuts : but perhaps the authour means onyons , or scallions . a rich lawyer . the greatest orator that ever rome bred. was a rich lawyer , basilus and gallus were very poor . france and affrica were then , famous for great lawyers , and fat fees. the victory obtain'd by hannibal at cannae ; after which , if he h●d immediately attempted rome , in all probability , he had carried it . a notable sorceress , daughter of aetes king of colchos , and wife to iason , who left her afterwards , and married another . daughter of 〈◊〉 king of 〈◊〉 , was ravish'd by tereus king of thrace , who cut out her tongue that she might not disclose the secret. phaedra wife of theseus , who fell in love with her son in law hippolytus , and because she could not obtain her ends of him , accus'd him to his father that he would have forc'd her . in any dole , made by the emperour or one of the city magistrates , the poor citizens had each a talley given them ; which they shew'd first , and then receiv'd their proportion . a famous man both in rhetorick and oratory , who taught school in the times of galba , domitian , and trajan , and receiv'd his salary out of the emperour's treasury . 〈…〉 was lieutenant to marc antony ; and the first who beat the parthians in three battels . here is meant tullus servius , one of the roman kings . thrasymachus , a rhetorician of carthage , who hang'd himself by reason of his poverty . secundus carinas ; who ws banish'd from rome , by the emperour caligula , for declaiming against tyrants . when socrates was condemn'd to dye by poyson , he wanted money to pay for the juice of hemlock which he was ●o drink ; and desir'd one of his friends , to lay it down for him , and satisfie the fees of the executioner . the son of peleus and thetis , who had chiron the centaur for his tutor . call'd tully an allobroge ; as if his latine were barbarous , and not truly roman . a poor grammarian , but of great esteem . sirnam'd maro ; the favourite poet of augustus c●sar . here is meant tribunus aerarius , who took cognizance only of causes of less moment , not the tribunus pl●bis , as britannicus imagin'd . was father of aeneas the trojan , who was the founder of rome . the son of rhaetus , a king in italy , ravish'd his stepmother casperia . a king of sicily ; who kindly entertain'd aenaeas in his voyage . the people were us'd at their sword-plays , to gather money for the conquerour . notes for div a -e the family of the fabii were descended of hercules ( in honour of whom the romans built a temple in the foro boario . ) fabius maximus in remembrance of his services in the wars , against the people of provence , languedoc , dauphiny ▪ and other provinces of france ( formerly known by the name of allobroges ) was sirnamed allobrogicus ; which title his son wou'd have assumed , whom our author here censures , as a man of an effeminate person , a profligate life , and of dangerous practices . brave and virtuous romans . the rods and ax , which were carry'd in processions , as badges of the consular dignity . such as getulicus , africanus , numantinus , creticus . osyris , for teaching the aegyptians husbandry , had a temple built at memphis ; where he was worshipt in the shape of an ox , which the priests used to drown at a certain age ; and gave out , their god was withdrawn , and absented himself for a few days ; during which time 't was their custom to go mourning and searching up and down , till they found another ox to supply his place , and then they broke out with these exclamations , we have found him , let 's rejoyce . the first king of athens . i have taken the liberty to give this simile a modern air , because it happens to agree exactly with the humour of our author . ( meaning your ancestors . ) rubellius plancus . phalaris was a tyrant of agrigentum in sicily ; to flatter whose cruelty , perillus invented a brazen bull , wherein people might be roasted alive , and their cries were not unlike the bellowings of an ox : but the tyrant had the justice to reward the artizen as he deserv'd , by making him first try the experiment . this and the following verses are a sort of paraphrase upon lines of the original , which i was forced to enlarge , because the sence of the author is too close and obscure . ( speaking to ponticus ) ( any poor man who is oppress'd . ) famous painters , statuaries , and other artizens . famous painters , statuaries , and other artizens . famous painters , statuaries , and other artizens . famous painters , statuaries , and other artizens . proconsuls of asia and sicily . returning to ponticus . the inhabitants of these places were effeminate , and easie to be enslav'd . the people of africk , who supply'd rome with corn. marius priscus . the first king of the latins . the poet in this place speaks neither to rubellius nor pontic●● , but in general to any perjur'd , or debauch'd nobleman . numa p●mpilius ( the second king of rome ) the better to civilize the savage humour of the people , first introduc'd among them the fear and worship of the gods , and instituted the rites and ceremonies of priests , oaths , and sacrifices . hippona was the goddess of jockies and horses . ostia , the mouth of the river tyber . meaning nero , whom he censures severely in the pages following , fig. . this period is perplext , and i fear will not be understood in our language , being only a description of the roman gladiators , who were of two sorts , and had different names according to the arms and habit they appear'd with , one fought with a cymiter in his right hand ▪ a target on his left arm , and an helmet on his head ; he was call'd mirmillo , or secutor . the other wore a short coat without sleeves ▪ call'd tunica ; a hat on his head ; he carried in his right hand a javelin fork'd like a trident , call'd fuscina ; and on his left arm a nett , in which he endeavour'd to catch his adversary , and from thence was call'd retiarius . the meaning of the poet , is , to reprehend gracchus ( whom he had before rebuked in the d satyr ) for vices at once : for his baseness , for as much as being a nobleman he will condescend to fight upon the publick theater : for his impudence , in not chusing an habit which might have kept him disguis'd , and hindred him from being known : and for his cowardise , in running away . for the clearer understanding of what follows , it may be necessary to give a short abridgment of nero's cruelties , follies , and end : which may be found at large in his life , written by suetonius and tacitus , and in the continuation which mr. saville has added to his translation of the last of these authors , by way of supplement to what is wanting betwixt the annals and the history . but i shall only relate what i find mention'd in this satyr , and shall begin with his parricides . upon suspicion that seneca his tutor , had some knowledge of the conspiracy which piso was carrying on against his person , nero laid hold on this oportunity to rid himself of the uneasie censurer of his vices , yet allow'd him the liberty of chusing the manner of his death . seneca was apprehensive of pain , and therefore desired to have his veins opened , which he judg'd might be the most easie and pleasant method of dying : but finding it too tedious , he prevail'd with his friend and phisitian , annaeus statius , to give him a draught of poyson ; which too operating very slowly , by reason his veins were exhausted , and his limbs chill'd , the standers by , to make quicker dispatch , smother'd him with the steem of an hot bath . iuvenal not unjustly places this murder of seneca among nero's parricides , since a tutor ought to be esteem'd as a civil parent . this bold thought and expression of iuvenal is grounded on the roman laws whereby par●icides were condemn'd to be sow'd up in a bag ( call'd cule●s ) with a cock , a monkey , a serpent , and a dog , and thrown together into the sea , or any neighbouring river . this punishment of drowning in a sack ▪ is still us'd in several parts of germany , but without the company of those creatures abovemention'd . the story of orestes ( betwixt whom and nero , iuvenal wou'd draw a parallell ) is this ; his mother clytemnestra finding her husband agamemnon was return'd alive from the siege of troy , and fearing he might revenge her amours with egystheus , with whom she had lived in adultery during her husband's absence , she thought the safest way might be , to assassinate agamemnon , by the help of egystheus , at his first reception , and before he cou'd suspect such an attempt . the manner how they dispatch'd him , is reported differently . some auth●rs relate that as he was changing his linnen , he was stifled in a shirt ●ow●d together at the neck . but homer in the th and th books of his odyssea , where he describes this murder , is of iuvenal's opinion , that he was kill'd at a banquet , when he little expected such treatment . egystheus after this murder married clytemnestra , and usurp'd the kingdom of mycena years : during which time orestes grew up to man's estate , and by the instigation of his sister electra , and the assistance of some neighbouring princes , march'd from athens , destroy'd and murther'd the usurper ; and at last , under pretence of being mad , stab'd his mother . homer ( as well as our author ) justifies this revenge , as being undertaken by the advice of the gods : and paterculus infers they must needs have approved the action , since orestes ( after it ) lived long , and reigned happily . nero cou'd not suffer his mother agrippina , because of her encroaching on his government ; for which reason he made frequent attempts upon her life , but without success , till at last anicetus his bondman undertook to stab her , which she perceiving , and guessing by whose orders he came , clapt her hand upon her belly , and bid him ( with great presence of mind ) strike there , supposing it deserv'd that punishment for bearing such a monster . britannicus ( his brother by adoption ) was poison'd by his orders , out of jealousie lest he shou'd supplant him . and antonia ( claudius's daughter ) was executed under pretence of a conspiracy , but in truth because she refused to marry nero after the death of poppaea . he ordered his first wife octavia to be publickly executed , upon a false accusation of adultery , and kill'd his second wife poppaea , when she was big with child , by a kick on the belly . he caus'd rufinus crispinus , son to poppaea , to be drown'd as he was fishing ; and aulus plancus , a relation of his mothers , to be kill'd because she was fond of him . i need mention no more of these unnatural murders , but go on to his other extravagancies . he was industrious to be esteem'd the best musitian of his age ; and at his death regretted nothing more sensibly , than that the world shou'd lose so great a master . to maintain this reputation , he frequently condescended to act and sing upon the theater among the ordinary comedians , and took a journey to greece on purpose to try his skill against the most famous artists of that country ; from whom he bore away the garland ( which was the usual recompence of the first performer ) return'd to rome in triumph , as if he had conquer'd a province ; and order'd both the garland and instrument to be hung up among the banners and honours of his family . he had likewise a great vanity towards being thought a good poet , and made verses on the destruction of troy , call'd troica ; and 't is reported he burnt rome to be more lively and natural in his description : tho 't is more probable he destroy'd the old-fashion'd buildings ▪ out of dislike to the narrowness and crookedness of the streets , and to have the honour of rebuilding the city better , and calling it by his own name . these monstrous frolicks and cruelties cou'd not but make his people weary of his government . virginius rufus , who was his lieutenant general in gaule , by the assistance of iunius vindex ( a nobleman of that country ) soon perswaded the armies under his command to fall from their allegiance ; and sollicited sergius galba , who was lieutenant general in spain , to do the like , by offering him the empire in favour of mankind ; which he at last accepted , upon intimation that nero had issued out secret orders to dispatch him ; and march'd with all the forces he cou'd gather , towards rome . nero not being in a condition to oppose such troops , fell into dispair , which turn'd to an uncertainty what measures to take , whether to poyson himself , or beg pardon of the people , or endeavour to make his escape . the last of these methods seem'd most adviseable ; he therefore put himself into disguise , and crept with four attendants only into a poor cottage ; where perceiving he was pursued , as a sacrifice to the publick vengeance , and apprehending the rabble wou'd treat him barbarously , if he fell into their hands ; with much adoe he resolv'd to stab himself . he was industrious to be esteem'd the best musitian of his age ; and at his death regretted nothing more sensibly , than that the world shou'd lose so great a master . to maintain this reputation , he frequently condescended to act and sing upon the theater among the ordinary comedians , and took a journey to greece on purpose to try his skill against the most famous artists of that country ; from whom he bore away the garland ( which was the usual recompence of the first performer ) return'd to rome in triumph , as if he had conquer'd a province ; and order'd both the garland and instrument to be hung up among the banners and honours of his family . he was industrious to be esteem'd the best musitian of his age ; and at his death regretted nothing more sensibly , than that the world shou'd lose so great a master . to maintain this reputation , he frequently condescended to act and sing upon the theater among the ordinary comedians , and took a journey to greece on purpose to try his skill against the most famous artists of that country ; from whom he bore away the garland ( which was the usual recompence of the first performer ) return'd to rome in triumph , as if he had conquer'd a province ; and order'd both the garland and instrument to be hung up among the banners and honours of his family . catiline's conspiracy is a story too well known to be insisted on : he was of a noble family , but by his extravagancies had reduced himself to great want , which engaged him in bad practices . the roman armies were then pursuing conquests in remote provinces , which catiline judg'd the most seasonable opportunity for undertaking some desperate design : he therefore entred into a conspiracy with cethegus , lentulus , and other senators , and persons considerable by their births and employments , to make themselves absolute masters of their country , by seizing the senate , plundering the treasury , and burning the city . incendiaries by the roman law were wrapt in a pitch'd coat ( which they call'd tunica molesta ) and burnt alive : as we see by tacitus ann. . § . where nero after having set rome on fire , lays the blame and punishment on the christians , by ordering them , with a cruel jest , to be light up , and serve as torches when it was dark . one fulvia ( whom livy calls a common whore , tho plutarch makes her pass for a lady of quality ) came to have some knowledge of this enterprize , and discover'd it to cicero , ( a person whom paterculus elegantly calls vir●m novitatis nobilissimae ; since he was a man of mean parentage , born at arpinum , an inconsiderable town among the volscians , but by his eloquence rais'd himself to the chief dignities of state , and happened to be consul at that time ) who assembled the senate , and by a severe oration accused and convicted catiline : however he , with a few of his party ▪ found means to make his escape towards tuscany , and put himself at the head of some troops which manlius had got together in those parts , threatning publickly that he wou'd put out the fire of the city by the ruins of it . in the mean time cethegus , lentulus , and several other complices were seiz'd and strangled in prison by order of the senate , at cato's perswasion : and caius antonius nepos , who was joint-consul with tully , march'd with what forces he cou'd raise against catiline , who in a sharp battle was kill'd upon the spot with most of his followers , and ( as paterculus observes ) quem spiritum supplicio debuerat , praelio reddidit . a promontory of epirus , near the island leucas , where antony and cleopatra were ruin'd by a famous sea-fight . the fields near philippi , in thessaly , where brutus and cassius were defeated . caius marius , was likewise born at arpinum , and of such poor parents , that he was first a plowman , then a common souldier , yet at last by his merit arrived to the highest employments . one while he was consul ( for that honour was times conferr'd on him ) the cimbria●s attempted to make an incursion into italy ; but he kill'd of them , and made prisoners ; for which victory , a triumph was ordain'd him by the senate ; but to decline the envy which might be rais'd by his good fortune , he sollicited that q. luctatius catulus , his collegue , who was of a noble family , might be permitted to triumph with him , tho he had no share in the action . among the romans there was a superstition , that if their general wou'd consent to be devoted , or sacrificed to iupiter , mars , the earth , and the infernal gods , all the misfortunes which otherwise might have hapned to his party , wou'd by his death be transfer'd on their enemies . this opinion was confirm'd by several successful instances , particularly two , in the persons of the decii , father and son here mention'd . the first being consul with manlius in the wars against the latins , and perceiving the left wing , which he commanded , gave back , he call'd out to valerius the high-priest to perform on him the ceremony of consecration , ( which we find describ'd by livy in his th book ) and immediately spurr'd his horse into the thickest of his enemies forces , where he was kill'd , and the roman army gain'd the battle . his son died in the same manner in the war against the gauls , and the romans likewise obtain'd the victory . servius tullus was son to oriculana , whom iuvenal calls a serving-maid , but livy supposes her to have been wife to a prince of corniculum , who was kill'd at the taking of the town , and his wife was carri'd away captive by tarquinius priscus , and presented as a slave to his wi●e tanaquil , in whose service she was deliver'd of this tullus . the family had a great respect for the child , because of a lambent fire they observ'd to play about his head while he slept , which was interpreted as an omen of his future greatness ; therefore care was taken of his education , and at last he was contracted to the king's daughter : whereupon a●cus martius his sons ( who were the true heirs of the crown ) fearing this marriage might hinder their succession , hired two shepherds to assassinate tarquinius , which they undertook , but cou'd not execute so dextrously as was expected ; for , the king lived some days after the blow was given , during which time tanaquil caus'd the gates of the pallace to be kept shut , and amused the people ( who were eager on a new election ) with assurances that the wound was not mortal , that the king was in a fair way of recovery , and till he cou'd appear abroad , required them to pay obedience to servius tullius : who by this means first got possession of the government in the king's name , and after his death usurp'd it years in his own . at last he was forced out of the senate by lucius tarquinius , thrown down stairs , and murder'd by his orders . livy adds this commendation , that with him iusta ac legitima regna occidêrunt ; which agrees with iuvenal's calling him the last good king ; for , tarquin , who reign'd years after him , was hated for his pride and cruelty , and for the barbarous rape which his son sextus committed on lucretia , wise to collatinus ; who by the help of l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their pre●ensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . tarquin , who reign'd years after him , was hated for his pride and cruelty , and for the barbarous rape which his son sextus committed on lucretia , wi●e to collatinus ; who by the help of l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their precensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . l. iunius brutus reveng'd this injury , by driving tarquin and his whole race out of rome , which from that time began to be govern'd by consuls ; and the better to secure their liberty , brutus administred an oath by which the romans oblig'd themselves never to suffer any more kings , and made a decree ( which prov'd fatal to his family ) whereby it was declared a capital crime in any person who shou'd endeavour by any means to bring back the tarquins . however they gave not over their precensions , but send embassadours under pretence of solliciting that their estates at least might be restored them , but underhand to insinuate themselves among the loose young noblemen ( who grew weary of a common-wealth , because the rigour of their new laws did not tolerate that licentious way of living which they enjoy'd under the government of their kings ) and to concert with them the best methods towards their restoration . this design was first proposed to the aquilii and vitellii : the last of these were brothers to brutus his wife , and by that alliance easily engag'd titus and tiberius ( two sons he had by her ) in the conspiracy , the sum of which was , that the gates of the city shou'd be left open for the tarquins to enter in the night-time ; and that the embassadors might be assured of their sincerity , each member of the cabal deliver'd them , the night before they were to return , letters under their own hands for the tarquins , with promises to this effect . horatius cocles being posted to guard a bridge , which he perceived the enemy wou'd soon be maste● of , he stood resolutely and opposed part of their army , while the party he commanded , repass'd the bridge , and broke it down after them ; and then threw himself , armed as he was , into the tyber , and escaped to the city . mutius scaevola went into the enemies camp with a resolution to kill their king porsenna , but instead of striking him , stabb'd one of his guards ; and being brought before the king , and finding his errour , in indignation he burn'd off his right hand as a penalty for his mistake . clelia , a roman virgin , who was given to porsenna as an hostage , made her escape from the guards , and swam over the tyber . vindicius , a slave who waited at table , by chance overheard part of their discourse ; and comparing these circumstances with some others he had observ'd in their former conferences , he went streight to the consul 's , and told what he had discover'd . orders were immediately issued out for searching the embassadors , the letters abovemention'd were intercepted , the criminals seiz'd , and the proof being evident against them , they suffered the punishment ( which was newly introduced ) of being tyed naked to a stake , where they were firs● 〈◊〉 by t●e lictors , then beheaded : and brutus , by virtue of his office , was unhappily obliged to see this rigorous sentence executed on his old children . to pursue the story ; the tarquins finding their plot had miscarried , and fearing nothing cou'd be done by treachery , struck up an alliance with porsenna king of thuscany , who pretending to restore them by open force , march'd with a numerous army , and besieg'd rome : but was soon surpriz'd with three such instances of the roman bravery , in the persons of cocles , mutius , and clelia , that he withdrew his army , and courted their friendship . * the ugly buffoon of the grecian army . romulus finding the city , call'd by his name , not sufficiently peopled , establish'd an asylum , or sanctuary , where all out-laws , vagabonds , and criminals of what nature soever , who cou'd make their escape thither , might live in all freedom and security . the author either means the bastard of mars , and r●ea sylvia , a vestal virgin , of whose rape we have a relation in the beginning of ovid's d book de fastis , or a parricide , for killing his brother remus . notes for div a -e a phrygian , who challenging apollo at musick , was overcome , and flead alive for his presumption . a fop in rome , that had run out his estate . the temples , and images of their gods , were ( by night ) the common places of assignation . to the temple of ceres , only the chast and strictest matrons were admitted , &c. a small coin among the romans . a gyant of sicily , and one of the cyclops , who had but one eye , and that in his forehead , which vlysses by craft put out , and escap'd from him , &c. the areopagus , or court of justice at athens , where they gave sentence by characters and signs , &c. the common name of a shepherd , which he applies to nevolus , for his ignorance and simplicity , in thinking the vices of great men can be conceal'd . the hills on which rome was built . m●●sia , a place near tusca●y , famous for the great 〈◊〉 and strength of the inhabit●●●●● . mermaids on the coast of sicily , whose charms vlysses ( being forewarn'd ) avoided by stopping his mariners ears with wax , and so sail'd by them securely ; at which disappointment they threw themselves into the sea , and were turned into rocks , &c. hom. odyss . l. . notes for div a -e milo , of crotona ; who for a tryal of his strength , going to rend an oak , perish'd in the attempt : for his arms were caught in the trunk of it ; and he was devour'd by wild beasts . sejanus was tiberius's first favourite ; and while he continu'd so , had the highest marks of honour bestow'd on him ; statues and trium● phal chariots were every where erected to him . but as soon as he fell into disgrace with the emperor , these were all immediately dismounted ; and the senate and common people insulted over him as meanly , as they had sawn'd on him before . the island of capreae , which lies about a league out at sea from the campanian shore , was the scene of tiberius's pleasures in the latter part of his reign . there he liv'd for some years with diviners , soothsayers , and worse company — and from thence , dispatch'd all his orders to the senate . iulius caesar , who got the better of p●mpey , that was stil'd the great . demosthenes and tully , both dyed for their oratory . demosthenes gave himself poyson , to avoid being carried to antipater ; one of alexander's captains , who had then made himself master of athens . tully was murther'd by m. antony's order , in return , for those invectives he had made against him . the latin of this couplet is a famous verse of tully's , in which he sets out the happiness of his own consulship ; famous for the vanity , and the ill poetry of it . for tully as he had a good deal of the one , so he had no great share of the other . the orations of tully , against m. a●●ony , were stil'd by him philippics , in imitation of demosthenes ; who had given that name before to those he made against philip of macedon . this is a mock-account of a roman triumph . babylon , where alexander dy'd . xerxes , is represented in history , after a very romantick manner ; affecting fame beyond measure , and doing the most extravagant things , to compass it . mount athos made a prodigious promontory in the aegaean sea : he is said to have cut a channel through it , and to have sail'd round it . he made a bridge of boats over the hellespont , where it was three miles broad : ●and order'd a whipping for the winds and seas , because they had once crossed his designs , as we have a very solemn account of it in herodotus . but , after all these vain boasts , he was shamefully beaten by themistocles at salamis ; and return'd home , leaving most of his fleet behind him . mercury , who was a god of the lowest size , and employ'd always in errands between heaven and hell. and mortals us'd him accordingly : for his statues were anciently plac'd , where roads met ; with directions on the fingers of 'em , pointing out the several ways to travellers . nestor , king of pylus ; who was years old , according to homer's account , at least , as he is understood by his expositors . the ancients counted by their fingers . their left hands serv'd 'em till they came up to an hundred . after that , they us'd their right , to express all greater numbers . the fates were three sisters , which had all some peculiar business assign'd 'em by the poets , in relation to the lives of men. the first held the distaff ; the second spun the thread ; and the third cut it . whilst troy was sacking by the greeks . old king priam is said to have buckled on his armour , to oppose ' em . which he had no sooner done , but he was met by pyrrhus , and slain before the altar of iupiter , in his own palace , as we have the story finely told , in virgil's d aeneid . hecuba , his queen , escap'd the swords of the grecians , and out-liv'd him . it seems , she behav'd her self so fiercely , and uneasily to her husband's murtherers , while she liv'd , that the the poets thought fit to turn her into a bitch , when she dy'd . mithridates , after he had disputed the empire of the world for years together , with the romans , was at last depriv'd of life and empire by pompey the great . craesus , in the midst of his prosperity , making his boast to s●l●n , how happy he was , receiv'd this answer from the wi●e man , that on one could pronounce himself happy , till he saw what his end should be●● th●● truth of this craesus found , when he was put in chains by cyrus , and condemned to die . pompey , in the midst of his glory , fell into a dangerous fit of sickness , at naples . a great many cities then made publick supplicat●ons for him . he recover'd , ● was beaten at pharsalia , fled to ptolomy king of aegypt ; and , instead of receiving protection at his court , had his head ●truck off by his order , to please caesar. cethegus was one that conspir'd with catiline , and was put to death by the senate . catiline dy'd fighting . virginia was kill'd by her own father , to prevent her being expos'd to the lust of appius claudius , who had ill designs upon her . the story at large is in livy's third book ; and 't is a remarkable one , as it gave occasion to the putting down the power of the decemviri ; of whom appius was one . hippolytus the son of theseus , was lov'd by his mother in law ●haedria . but he not complying with her , she procur'd his death . bellerophon , the son of king glaucus , residing sometime at the court of paetus king of the argives , the queen , sthenobaea , fell in love with him . but he refusing her , she turn'd the accusation upon him ; and he narrowly scap'd paetus's vengeance . messalina , wife to the emperor claudius , infamous for her lewdness . she set her eyes upon c. s●lius , a fine youth ; forc'd him to quit his own wife , and marry her with all the formalities of a wedding , whilst claudius caesar was sacrificing at hostia . upon his return , he put both silius and her to death . notes for div a -e the name of a very eminent person in rome : but here it is meant to signifie any one of great wealth and quality . one who by his own extravagant gluttony , was at length reduc'd to the most shameful degree of poverty . this likewise , is here made use of , as a common name to all beggarly gluttons , such whose unreasonable appetites remain after their estates are consumed . sometimes persons were compell'd , by the tyranny of nero , to practice the trade of fencing , and to fight upon the stage , for his inhumane diversion ; otherwise , seldom any but common slaves or condemn'd malefactors were so employ'd : which made it the greater reflection , on any person who either voluntarily , or forced by his own extravagance , for a livelyhood ( like rutilus ) apply'd himself to that wretched trade . restrain'd by no advice . hinting , that though he was not compell'd to such a practice of fencing ; yet it was a shame that he was suffer'd to undertake it , and not advised , or commanded by the magistracy , to the contrary . of the same wretched kind , viz. reduced to poverty by riotous living . broken , or desaced : that it might not be discover'd to be his mother's picture , when expos'd to sale. a noble roman , who liv'd hospitably . an impudent , deformed , ill-tongu'd fellow ( as homer describes him . iliad . ) who accompany'd the grecian army to the siege of troy ; where he took a priviledge often to rail and snarl at the commanders . some relate , that at last achilles , for his sawciness , kill'd h● with a blow of his fist. therefore we are not to understand iuvenal , here , as relating a matter of fact ; but ther●ites is used here , to signifie any body of the same kind : as before , attic●s and rutilus . the meaning is , that such as he , ought not ( neither would he , had he been present ) have presumed to oppose ajax and vlysses in contending for achille● his armour . see his character admirably improv'd by mr. dryden in his tragedy of truth found too late . the most eloquent of all the grecian princes . after achilles death ; aja● a sam'd grecian warriour pretended to his armour ; vlysses opposed him , before a council of war , and by his admirable eloquence obtain'd the prize . ovid. metam . . brought to that pass , by his gluttony ; that he was forced to ●ell his ring , the mark of honour and distinction , worn by roman knights . the goddess of justice , whom the poets feign to have fled to heaven after the golden-age . vlti●a caelest●● terras astraea reliquit . ovid. ievenal's friend , to whom he makes an invitation and addresses this satyr . a prince of arcadi● , who unluckily killing his father , forsook his own country and came into italy : 〈◊〉 in that place● where afterwards rome was built . virgil , ae● . . te●●s us that he entertain'd both hercules and aeneas , when he was in a low condition . alcides . hercules , so called from his grandfather alc●●●●s . 〈…〉 a great man who had been three times consul of rome , and had triumph'd over many kings ; yet as great an example of temperance as courage . a dish in great esteem amon● the romans . — nil 〈…〉 . horat. if they kill'd a s●●rifice , and 〈◊〉 flesh remain'd to spare , it was priz'd 〈◊〉 an accide●tal ra●●●y . consid. by the tyranny of tarquinius superbus , ( the last roman● king ) the very name of king , became hateful to the people . after his expulsion , they as●embled , and resolv'd to commit the government● f●● the future● into the hands of two persons , who were to be chosen every year anew● and whom they call'd consuls . was a general chosen upon some emergent occasion ; his office was limited to months ; which time expired , ( if occa●sion were ) they chose another , or continued the same , by a new election . the dictator , differed in nothing from a king , but in his name , and the duration of his authority : his power being full as great , but his name not so hateful to the romans . it was accounted greediness and shame●ul , to eat before the usual hour , which was their ninth hour ; and our a clock , after-noon . but upon festival days , it was permitted them to prevent the ordinary hour ; and always excusable in old people . were two great officers , part of whose business was to inspect the lives and manners of men ; they had power even to degrade knights , and exclude senators , when guilty of great misdemeanours : and in former days they were so strict , that they stood in awe one of another . the manner of the romans eating , was to lie upon beds or couches about the table , which formerly were made of plain wood , but afterwards at great expence , adorn'd with tortoise-shells , pearls , and ivory . the romans copied their luxury from the greeks ; the imitation of whom , was among them as fashionable , as of the french among us . which occasions this saying , with so much indignation in our poet , sat. . — non possum ferre , quirites , graecam vrbem — romul●s and remus . twins , and founders of the roman empire ; whom the poets feign were nurst by a wolf : the woman's name being lupa . formerly the statues of the gods were made of clay : but now of gold. which extravagance , was displeasing even to the gods themselves . the romans used to anoint themselves with sweet oyntments , at their feasts , immediately after bathing . ivory was in great esteem among them , and preferr'd to silver . there were in rome , professors of the art of carving ; who taught publickly in schools . of this kind , trypherus was the most famous . cup-bearer . whence pretty boys were brought to rome , and so●d publickly i● the markets , to vile uses . an usual part of the entertainment● when great men feasted , to have wanton women dance after a lascivious manner virtue wou'd shrink , to hear this leudness told , which husbands , now , do with their wives behold . these lines in iuvenal , spectent hos nuptae , juxta recubante marito , quod pudeat narasse aliquem praesentibus ipfis . in some late editions , are placed nearer the latter end of this satyr : and in the order of this translation , wou'd so have follow'd , after line . . viz. such shows as these , were not for us design'd , but vig'●ous touth to active sports inclin'd . but i have continued 'em in this place after lubin . besides the example of the learned holyday for the same position ; agreeing better here , in my mind , with the sense both before and after . for the megalensian games consisting chiefly of races , and such like exercises ; i cannot conceive where the extraordinary cause of shame lay in female spectators : but it was a manifest immodesty , for 'em to lie by their husbands , and see the leud actions of their own sex , in the manner describ'd . games in honour of cybele , the mother of the gods. she was call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , magna mater , and from thence these games megalesia , or ludi megalenses ; they began upon the th of apr●● , and continued days . the place where those games were celebrated . an officer not unlike our mayor or sheriff . he was to oversee these sports ; and sate in great state , while they were acting ; to the destruction of many horses , which were spoiled in running the races . in running the races in the circus , with horses in chariots ; there were four distinct , factions , known by their liveries : which were green , a kind of russet-red , white , and blue . one of these factions was always favoured by the court , and at this time probably the green. which makes our poet sancy he hears the shouts , for joy , of their party . afterward domitian added two more , the golden and purple factions . reflecting on the immoderate fondness the romans had for such shows . 〈◊〉 . a small town , near which hannibal obtain'd a great victory over the romans : in that ba●tel were slain me● , and so many gentlemen , that he sent bushels full of rings to carthage , as a token of his victory . see the notes at fig. . notes for div a -e the queen of the gods ; so call'd by the poets , as being wife to iupiter , who was the supream deity of the greeks and romans . by the warlike maid , is meant pallas or minerva , the goddess of learning and war. they had their peculiar sacrifices appointed them in the rituals or books of ceremonies of the antients : white bulls were offered to iupiter ; white cows to iuno and minerva . the poet , tho' not able to undergo the charge of so great a sacrifice , yet willing to shew his devotion , and pay his vow for his friend 's safe arrival , proportionable to his estate , offers to iuno an ewe-lamb , another to minerva , and to iupiter a young bullock . on mount capitol , otherwise call'd the tarpeian hill , from the ves●al virgin tarpeia that betray'd it to the sabines , iupiter had a temple , whence he was nam'd tarpeian and capitoline . a fat sensual lady , noted as infamous for keeping a player . sat. . 〈◊〉 a river that divides tuscany and vmbria , whose water , as pliny relates , makes the cows , that drink of it , calve their young white : whence the romans , as virgil and claudian observe , were plentifully furnisht with sacrifices for iupiter capitoline . the grandis minister of iuvenal , some interpret in a sense referring to the quality of the person , as if the chief pontif , and not one of the popa's , or ordinary officers , was to give the blow : but as it is unseemly to make the chief pontif descend to so mean an office ; so it is more probable the poet meant not the dignity , but the size and strength of the person . the aegyptian goddess , lookt upon by merchants and seamen as their patroness ; to whom they made their vows in their extremity . the custom was for those that escap'd to hang up on the walls of her temple the picture of a wreck or storm , which was call'd a votive table ; and her votaries , it seems , were so numerous , that she was forc'd to employ a whole company of painters in her service . a proper simile , and good moral allusion , but the ground is wholly fabulous ; and has experimentally been prov'd so by sestius a physitian , as it stands related by pliny . dr. brown , in his book of vulgar errors , says , that the testicles , properly so call'd , are ●eated inwardly upon the loins ; and therefore it were not only a fruitless attempt , but an impossible act , to castrate it self : and might be an hazardous practice of art , if at all attempted by others . augustus his great favourite ; and patron to virgil and horace . iuvenal here taxes him of being over soft and delicate ; which horace has done too , tho' covertly , and under another name . in boetick spain ( now andaluzia and the best part of granada ) the sheeps fleeces are naturally of a colour betwixt red and black , resembling the purple dye , which the antients imputed to the goodness of the air and the soil : and they put a great value on it , as we do now on the spanish wool for its fineness . a great master in the art of graving . fuscus was a judge , mention'd in the last satyr , noted by martial for a drunkard ; as his wife is here by iuvenal in the good company of pholus the centaur . baskets of brittain , bascauda , the british word for a basket , was by the romans made latin. they so much fancied the baskets of our island , that they would claim the invention to themselves . mart. lib. . barbara de pictis veni bascauda britannis , sed me jam mavult dicere roma suam . from british picts the barb'rous basket came , but now rome gladly wou'd th' invention claim . a strong fortify'd city of thrace , not to be taken by a storm or siege . philip of macedon made a considerable present of plate to lasthenes , who was intrusted with the government of it by the athenians ; and he , being corrupted with so great a bribe , treacherously surrender'd it to philip. the destinies ; they were three sisters , clotho , lachesis and atropos perpetually employ'd in spinning : if the thread , they spun , was white ; it was a sign of life and prosperity : if black ; of death and adversity . near them was built alba longa by ascanius , who left his step-mother lavinia , in the city of lavinium , built by his father aeneas , and call'd by her name . ascanius call'd his own city longa from the long form of it , and alba from the white sow with thirty pigs sucking her , that was seen by the trojans , a little after their landing ; and where the city was built according to the command of the oracle . virg. pharos was a port in aegypt famous for its watch-tower , wherein were plac'd lights for the benefit and direction of saylers by night : iuvenal calls the port of ostia , where tiber disburthens its self into the sea , the tuscan pharos : it was design'd by augustus after the model of that in aegypt : claudius caesar , as suetonius says , carried on , and finisht the mole , with vast labour and charges ▪ having for eleven years together kept men at work upon it . it was afterward repair'd by trajan . it was a custom among the ancients , when in distress at sea , to invoke the aid of some god or other , with a solemn vow of cutting off their hair , and offering it to him , as an acknowledgment to whose assistance they ow'd their safety . to this st paul probably alludes . act. . . there shall not an hair of your head perish : as if he had said ; they shou'd not need to vow their hair ; for without such a vow , and the performance of it , they shou'd all escape . two rich men , both of them childless ; which made the heraedipetae or legacy-hunters present them , and ply them with gift upon gift ; in hopes to be considered in their will. tacitus makes mention of them both : the first he calls african ; the other cruspilina . two crafty designing knaves , visiters of the sick gallita or paccius . elephants so call'd from their stupendious bigness ; and ivory teeth . the story in short is this . the graecian fleet lying wind-bound at aulis , the oracle was consulted , and answer return'd ; no wind could be had for their purpose , unless agamemnon , commander in chief in the expedition , would offer up his daughter iphigenia to appease diana's anger , that was offended with the greeks for killing an hind consecrated to her . agamemnon , for the publick good , brings his daughter to the altar ; but the goddess , relenting , convey'd her away to the taurick chersonese , and substituted an hind in her place . the application of this to pacuvius is obvious enough . the prodigious sums he extorted from the provinces by unreasonable taxes , confiscations , &c. are almost incredible . he gave no office without this charge : thou knowest what i want , let us make it our business , that no body may have any thing . grown now to a proverb : who liv'd , as homer says , to compleat the third age of man. the word age is an equivocal term , and diversly taken by many ; but if we take it in its full extent , as it comprehends an hundred years , it will serve very well iuvenal's purpose . notes for div a -e some read , extemplo quodcunque malum , &c. thebes had but seven gates , and the river nile but seven mouths . that is , were of better quality , and had more wealth . skins and acorns being the primitive cloaths and food , according to the poets . if a swarm of bees pitcht upon a temple , it was lookt upon as an omen of some very great mischief . thyestes was treated with a ha●h made of his own son. an aegyptian goddess , suppos'd to be much concern'd in inflicting diseases , and maladies on mankind . an excellent footman , who wan the prize in the olympian games . a famous crier in the grecian army , whose single voice was as loud as that of fifty men together . homer says that mars being wounded by diomedes , made as great an out-cry , as ten thousand men shouting to the battel . a fidler and a player : but put here for any idle scoundrel , or insignificant fellow . a surgeon of no great credit and reputation . the villain that kill'd his father was to be put into a bag with a dog , a cock , a serpent , and an ape , and thrown into the sea. philosophers of great credit , and worth. damocles having very much extoll'd the happiness of kings , in the presence of dionysius king of syracuse ; dionysius invited him to dinner , plac'd him in a rich throne , and gave him a very splendid entertainment ; but just over his head hung a sword by a hair , with the point downward . a philosopher , who thought all things were by chance . notes for div a -e rvtilus , some person in the poets time , noted for his cruelty . polyphemus a famous giant with one eye , and a cannibal . antiphates , a king of the lestrygons , who were all men-eaters . i doubt not but the laestrigons , who were a people of italy , learnt this diet of king saturn , when he hid himself among 'em , and gave this example by making a meals-meat of his own children . by this lord , is still meant the same cruel ratilus . suppos'd bath-rubbers : the romans were great bathers . country goals , where they kept their working slaves in great numbers . larga , a fictitious name for some very common buttock . cato of vtica , a roman patriot , who slew himself , rather than he wou'd submit to iulius caesar. catiline , a plotter against the common-wealth of rome . para●ite , a greek word , among the romans used for a flatterer , and feast-hunter . this sort of creature the● slighted in those days , and us'd very scurvily , terming such a one an v●bra , that is , a shadow , and apparition , &c. this censor of good manners , was an officer of confiderable power in rome ; in some respects not unlike our midnight magistrate ; but not altogether so saucy . the old romans were careful to breed up their sons so , that afterwards they might be useful to their country in peace , or war , or ploughing the ground : vtilis agris , ( as iuvenal has it . ) an exercise that wou'd break the hearts of our modern beaux . the eagle , so call'd for the great service he did iupiter , in bringing ganymede , a lovely boy , on his back to him . centronius , a famous extravagant architect , who with his son ( who took after him ) built away all his estate , and had so many palaces at last , that he was too poor to live in any of ' em . the palace of the eunuch posides . as in virg. iam proximus ardet — vcalegon . iuvenal , tho' he was wise enough to laugh at his own country gods , yet had not , or wou'd not have , a right notion of the true deity , which makes him ridicule the iews manner of worship . this dragon was guardian of the golden fleece , which hung in the temple of mars at cholchos ; and hereby hangs a tale , or a long story of iason and medea , with which i will not trouble you . beggars took their stations then , as they do now , in the greatest thorow-fares , which were their bridges , of which there were many over the river tyber in rome . the field of mars , or campus martius , which was the greatest part of the roman empire when in its infancy under romulus and tatius the sabine , his copartner , admitted for the sake of the fair ladies he brought along with him . pyrrhus king of the epirots , a formidable enemy to the romans , tho' at last overcome by ' em . he dy'd a very little death ( as 't is the fate of some heroes ) being martyr'd by the fall of a tyle from a house . wars against the carthaginians . marsus , a thrifty husbandman , from whom the marsi were so call'd , a laborious people some miles distant from rome . mankind fed on acorns , till ceres the goddess of corn instructed them to sow grain . some general officer in the roman army . not that the shrine was secur'd by the care of the god castor , for iuvenal knew their gods cou'd have no such thing as care ; but it was lin'd with a strong guard of souldiers , who had an eye to their god as well as their moneys , lest he should be stoln , or unrigg'd , as mars was . our poet calls him watchful castor jearingly . the first a south-west , the latter , as we term it at sea , a strong levant . the first a south-west , the latter , as we term it at sea , a strong levant . orestes , said to be haunted by furies , for killing his mother clytemnestra , the wife of agamemnon . ajax the son of telamon , who ran mad , because agamemnon gave the armour of achilles from him to vlysses . but the mistaking agamemnon , or his brother menelaus , for oxen , or oxen for them , was not so gross ; for they were both famously horn'd : and if report says true , ajax need not have spar'd vlysses , since penelope knew which of her suitors cou'd shoot best in her husband's bow. tagus , a river in spain , said to be full of gold sand. this tagus has lost his good qualities time out of mind , or the spaniard has coyn'd it dry , for now they fetch their gold from the indies , and then other nations fetch it from them . some noted rich man in rome . diogenes , a snarling dog-philosopher ( for there have been dog-philosophers as well as poets in doggrel . ) socrates and epicurus two wise philosophers , contented with the bare necessaries of life : the first of these was esteem'd the best moral philosopher , the latter the best natural . roscian law ; so call'd from roscius otho tribune of the people , who made a law , that none shou'd fit in the first seats of the theatre , unless they were worth hundred sestertiums , per annum , that is above thousand pounds of our moneys , and these were esteem'd noblemen , ipso facto . claudius the th caesar , who had no better luck in a wife than his predecessors , iulius and augustus , and most of the great men in history . notes for div a -e the crocodile . a sort of bird in those parts , that is a great destroyer of serpents . thebes in baeotia had seven gates , this in egypt an hundred , and therefore call'd hecatompylus . this colossus , or marble statue of memnon held a harp in its hand , which utter'd musical sounds , when struck by the beams of the rising sun ; which strabo tells us , that he both saw and heard , but confesses he is not able to assign the cause . he adds , that one half of this statue was fall'n in an earth-quake , from which mutilation and continuance of the strange sound ( suppos'd to proceed from magick ) our author says , dimidio magicae resonant ubi memnone chordae . homer introduces vlysses shipwreckt at the island corcyra , and treated by alcinous , who there reign'd king of the phaeaks . at whose table he recited the following passages . the symplegades , two rocks in the mouth of the bosphorus , which being at like distance from each other , seem to strike upon one another , as the sailers pass by them . a city in egypt , infamous for riots and debauchery . alluding to that of homer in the iliad . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . in the town caliguris , besieg'd by metellus . the principal of the stoicks . the confederates of rome , who being besieged by hannibal for eight months , and having suffer'd all extremities , at last , erected one great pile , in which they burnt themselves with their dead ; as also , all their goods , to leave the enemy no plunder . the temple of diana taurica , where they sacrific'd strangers . notes for div a -e jvno was mother to mars the god of war : venus was his mistress . camillus ; ( who being first banish'd , by his ungrateful countrymen the romans , afterwards return'd , and freed them from the gaules , ) made a law , which prohibited the souldiers from quarrelling without the camp , lest upon that pretence , they might happen to be absent , when they ought to be on duty . this cause is worthy him , &c. the poet names a modenese lawyer , whom he calls vagellius ; who was so impudent that he wou'd plead any cause , right or wrong , without shame or fear . the roman souldiers wore plates of iron under their shoos , or stuck them with nails ; as countrymen do now . land-marks were us'd by the romans , almost in the same manner , as now : and as we go once a year in procession , about the bounds of parishes , and renew them , so they offer'd cakes upon the stone , or land-mark . the courts of judicature were hung , and spread ; as with us : but spread only before the hundred judges were to sit , and judge publick causes , which were call'd by lot. the rom●n souldiers had the priviledge of making a will , in their father's life-time : of what they had purchac'd in the wars , as being no part of their patrimony . by this will they had power of excluding their own parents , and giving the estate so gotten to whom they pleas'd . therefore , says the poet , coranus , ( a souldier contemporary with iuvenal , who had rais'd his fortune by the wars ) was courted by his own father , to make him his heir . notes for div a -e pernassus , and helicon , were hills consecrated to the muses ; and the suppos'd place of their abode . pernassus was forked on the top ; and from helicon ran a stream ; the spring of which , was call'd the muses well . pyrene , a fountain in corinth ; consecrated also to the muses . the statues of the poets , were crown'd with ivy about their brows . before the shrine ; that is ▪ before the shrine of apollo ▪ in his temple at rome , call'd the palati●e . nothing is remaining of atticus labeo , ( so he is call'd by the learned casaubon ) nor is the mention'd by any other poet , besides persius : casaubon , from an old commentator on persius , says that he made a very foolish translation of homer's iliads . he describes a poet preparing himself to rehearse his works in publick : which was commonly perform'd in august . a room was hir'd , or lent by some friend ; a scaffold was rais'd , and a pulpit plac'd for him , who was to hold forth ; who borrow'd a new gown ▪ or scour'd his old one ; and adorn'd his ears with jewels , &c. trees of that kind , grow wild in many parts of italy ; and make their way through rocks : sometimes splitting the tomb-stones . ianus like , &c. ianus was the first king of italy ; who refug'd saturn , when he was expell'd by his son iupiter from cr●et ; ( or as we now call it candia . ) from his name , the first month of the year is call'd ianuary . he was pictur'd with two faces , one before ▪ and one behind : as regarding the past time , and the future . some of the mythologists , thi●k he was no●h , for the reason given above . the romans wrote on cedar , and cypre●● tables , in regard of the duration of the wood : iii verses might justly be afraid of franckincense ; for the papers in which they were written , were fit for nothing but to wrap it up . products of citron beds , &c. writings of noblemen , whose bedsteds were of the wood of citron . where romulus & c.. he speaks of the country in the foregoing verses ; the praises of which , are the most easie theme for poets : but which a bad poet cannot naturally describe : then he makes a digression ▪ to romulus , the first king of rome , who had a rustical education ; and enlarges upon quintius cincinnatus , a roman senator ; who was call'd from the plough , to be dictator of rome . in periods , &c. persius here names antitheses , or seeming contradiction ; which in this place are meant for rhetorical flourishes , as i think , with casaubon . berecynthian atys ; or attin , &c. foolish verses of nero , which the poet repeats ; and which cannot be translated properly into english. arms and the man , &c. the first line of virgil's aeneids . their crooked horns , &c. other verses of nero , that were mee● bombast . i only note ; that the repetition of these and the former verses of ner● , might justly give the poet a caution to conceal his name . maenas and atys . poems on the maenad●s , who were priestesses of bacchus ; and of atys , who made himself an eunuch , to attend on the sacrifices of cybele , call'd berecynthia by the poets ; she was mother of the gods. two painted serpents , &c. two snakes twin'd with each other , were painted on the walls , by the ancients , to shew the place was holy. yet old lucilius , &c. lucilius wrote long before horace ; who imitates his manner of satyr , but far excels him , in the design . king midas , &c. the story is vulgar , that midas king of phrygia , was made judge betwixt apollo and pan , who was the best musician ; he gave the prize to pan ; and apollo in revenge gave him asses ears ▪ he wore his hair long to hide them ▪ but his ●arber discovering them , and not daring to divulge the secret , dug a hole in the ground , and whisper'd into it : the place was marshy ; and when the r●eds grew up , they repeated the words which were spoken by the barber ▪ by midas ▪ the poet meant nero. eupolis and cr●tinus , as also aristophanes mention'd afterwards , were all athenian poets ; who wrote that sort of comedy , which was call●d the old comedy , where the people were nam'd , who were satyriz'd by those authors . who fortunes fault , &c. the people of rome in the time of persius were apt to scorn the grecia● philosophers , particularly the cinicks and stoicks , who were the poorest of them . and with his foot , &c. arithmetick and geometry were taught , on floors which were strew'd with dust , or sand ; in which the numbers ▪ and diagrams were made and drawn , which they might strike out again at pleasure . notes for div a -e the romans were us'd to mark their fortunate days , or any thing that luckily befell 'em , with a white stone which they had from the island creta ; and their unfortunate with a coal . hercules was thought to have the key and power of bestowing all hidden treasure . the antients thought themselves tainted and polluted by night it self , as well as bad dreams in the night , and therefore purifi'd themselves by washing their heads and hands every morning ; which custom the turks observe to this day . when any one was thunderstruck , the soothsayer ( who is here call'd ergenna ) immediately repair'd to the place , to expiate the displeasure of the gods , by sacrificing two sheep . the poet laughs at the superstitious ceremonies which the old women made use of in their lustration of purification days , when they nam'd their children , which was done on the eighth day to females , and on the ninth to males . it was the opinion both of grecians and romans , that the gods , in visions or dreams , often reveal'd to their favourites a cure for their diseases , and sometimes those of others . thus alexander dreamt of an herb which cur'd ptolomy . these gods were principally apollo and esculapius ; but , in after times , the same virtue and good-will was attributed to isis and osiris . which brings to my remembrance an odd passage in sir tho. brown's religio medici , or in his vulgar errours ; the sense whereof is , that we are beholding , for many of our discoveries in physick , to the courteous revelation of spirits . by the expression of visions purg'd from phlegm , our author means such dreams or visions , as proceed not from natural causes , or humours of the body ; but such as are sent from heaven ; and are , therefore , certain remedies . brazen vessels , in which the publick treasures of the romans was kept : it may be the poet means only old vessels , which were all call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 from the greek name of saturn . note also , that the roman treasury was in the temple of saturn . under numa the second king of rome , and for a long time after him , the holy vessels for sacrifice were of earthen ware ; according to the superstitious rites which were introduc'd by the same numa : tho afterwards , when memmius had taken corinth , and paulus emilius had conquer'd macedonia , luxury began amongst the romans ; and then their utensils of devotion were of gold and silver , &c. the wooll of calabria was of the f●●est sort in italy ; as iuvenal also tells us . the tyrian stain , is the purple colour dy'd at tyrus ; and i suppose , but dare not positively affirm , that the richest of that dye was nearest our crimson ; and not scarlet , or that other colour more approaching to the blue . i have not room to justifie my conjecture . those baby-toys were little babies , or poppets , as we call them ; in latin pupae ; which the girls , when they came to the age of puberty , or child● bearing , offer'd to venus ; as the boys at fourteen or fifteen years of age offer'd their bullae . or bosses . a cake of barley , or course wheat-meal , with the bran in it : the meaning is , that god is pleas'd with the pure and spotless heart of the offerer ; and not with the riches of the offering ▪ laberius in the fragments of his mimes , has a verse like this ; pur as , deus , non plenas a●picit manus . — what i had forgotten before , in its due place ▪ i must here tell the reader ; that the first half of this satyr was translated by one of my sons , now in italy : but i thought so well of it , that i let it pass without any alteration . notes for div a -e the students us'd to write their notes on parchments ; the inside , on which they wrote , was white ; the other side was hairy : and commonly yellow . quintilian reproves this custom , and advises rather table-books , lin'd with wax , and a stile , like that we use in our vellum table-books , as more easie . before eating , it was customary , to cut off some part of the meat ; which was first put into a pan , or little dish ; then into the fire ; as an offering to the household gods : this they called a libation . the thuscans were accounted of most ancient nobility . horace observes this , in most of his compliments to mecenas ; who was deriv'd from the old kings of tuscany , now the dominion of the great duke . the roman knights , attir'd in the robe call'd trabea ; were summon'd by the censor , to appear before him ; and to salute him , in passing by , as their names were call'd over . they led their horses in their hand . see more of this , in pompey's life , written by plutarch . some of the sicilian kings were so great tyrants ; that the name is become proverbial . the brazen bull is a known story of phalaris , one of those tyrants ; who when perillus , a famous artist , had presented him with a bull of that metal hollow'd within , which when the condemn'd person was inclos'd in it , wou'd render the sound of a bull 's roaring , caus'd the workman to make the first experiment . docuitque suum mugire iuvencum . he alludes to the story of damocles , a flatterer of one of those sicilian tyrants , namely dionysius . damocles had infinitely extoll'd the happiness of kings . dionysius to convince him of the contrary , invited him to a feast ; and cloath'd him in purple : but caus'd a sword , with the point downward , to be hung over his head , by a silken twine ; which , when he perceiv'd he co●'d eat nothing of the delicates that were set before him . the stoicks taught their philosophy , under a porticus , to secure their scholars from the weather . zeno was the chief of that sect. a famous painter ; who drew the pi●tures of the medes and persians , conquer'd by miltiades , themistocles , and other athenian captains , on the walls of the portico , in their natural habits . pithagoras of samos , made the allusion of the y , or greek upsilon , to vice and virtue . one side of the letter being broad , characters vice , to which the ascent is wide and easie . the other side represents virtue ; to which the passage is strait , and difficult : and perhaps our saviour might al●o allude to this , in those noted words of the evangelist , the way to heaven , &c. casaubon here notes , that among all the romans , who were brought up to learning , few besides the orators , or lawyers , grew rich. the martians and vmbrians , were the most plentiful , of all the provinces in italy . the romans were buried withoout the city ; for which reason the poet says , that the dead man's heels were stretch'd out towards the gate . orestes was son to agamemnon and clitemnestra . agamemnon , at his return from the trojan wars , was slain by aegysthus , the adulterer of clitemnestra . orestes to revenge his fathers death , slew both aegysthus and his mother : for which he was punish'd with madness , by the eumenides , or furies , who continually haunted him . notes for div a -e socrates , whom the oracle of delphos prais'd , as the wisest man of his age ; liv'd in the time of the peloponnesian war. he , finding the uncertainty of natural philosophy , appli'd himself wholly to the moral . he was master to xenophon and plato ; and to many of the athenian young noblemen ; amongst the rest , to alcibiades , the most lovely youth , then , living ; afterwards a famous captain ; whose life is written by plutarch . pericles was tutor , or rather overseer of the will of clinias , father to alcibiades . while pericles liv'd , who was a wise man , and an excellent orator , as well as a great general , the athenians had the better of the war. that is by death . when the judges wou'd condemn a malefactor , they cast their votes into an urn ; as according to the modern custom , a ballotting-box . if the suffrages were mark'd with 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 they signify'd the sentence of death to the offendor ; as , being the first letter of 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , which in english is death . the poet wou'd say ; that such an ignorant young man , as he here describes , is fitter to be govern'd himself , than to go●ern others . he therefore advises him to drink hellebore , which purges the brain . the name of vectidius is here us'd appellatively to signifie any rich covetous man ; though perhaps there might be a man of that name then living . i have trans●ted this passage paraphrastically , and loosely : and leave it for those to look on , who are not unlike the picture . pan the god of shepherds , and pales the goddess presiding over rural affairs ; whom virgil invocates in the beginning of his second georgique . i give the epithete of better ▪ to ceres ; because she first taught the use of corn for bread , as the poets tell us . men , in the first rude ages , feeding only on acorns , or mast , instead of bread. our author here taxes nero , covertly , with that effeminate custom , now us'd in italy , and especially by harlo●● , of smoothing their bellies , and taking off the hairs , which grow about their secrets . in nero's times they were pull'd off with pincers ; but now they use a past , which apply'd to those parts , when it is remov'd , carries away with it those excrescencies . the learned holiday , ( who has made us amends for his bad poetry in this and the rest of these satyrs , with his excellent illustrations , ) here tells us , from good authority , that the number five , does not allude to the five fingers of one man , who us'd 〈…〉 off the hairs before mention'd ; but to five strong men , such as were skillful in the five robust exercises , then in practice at rome , and were perform'd in the circus , or publick place , ordain'd for them . these five he reckons up , in this manner . . the caestus , or whirlbatts , describ'd by virgil , in his fifth eneid : and this was the most dangerous of all the rest . the d was the foot-race , the third the discus ; like the throwing a weighty ball ; a sport now us'd in cornwall , and other parts of england : we may see it daily practis'd in red-lyon-fields . the fourth was the saltus , or leaping : and the fifth wrastling naked , and besmear'd with oyl . they who were practis'd in these five manly exercises , were call'd 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . that is , thou can'st not deceive thy obscene part , which is weak , or impotent , tho thou mak'st ostentation of thy performances with women . persius durst not have been so bold with nero , as i dare now ; and therefore there is only an intimation of that in him , which i publickly speak : i mean of nero's walking the streets by night , in disguise ; and committing all sorts of outrages : for which he was sometimes well beaten . that is , look into thy self ; and examine thy own conscience , there thou shalt find , that how wealthy soever thou appear'st to the world , yet thou art but a beggar ; because thou art destitute of all virtues ; which are the riches of the soul. this also was a paradox of the stoick school . notes for div a -e progne was wife to tereus , king of thracia : tereus fell in love with philomela , sister to progne ; ravish'd her , and cut out her tongue : in revenge of which progne kill'd itys , her own son by tereus ; and serv'd him up at a feast , to be eaten by his father . thyestes and atre●s were brothers , both kings : atre●s to revenge himself of his unnatural brother , kill'd the sons of thyestes ; and invited him to eat them . by the childish robe , is meant the praetexta , or first gowns which the roman children of quality wore : these were w●lted with purple : and on those welts were fasten'd the bullae ; or little bells ; which when they came to the age of puberty , were hung up , and consecrated to the lares , or household gods. the first shields which the roman youths wore , were white , and without any impress , or device on them ; to shew they had yet atchiev'd nothing in the wars . socrates , by the oracle was declar'd to be the wisest of mankind : he instructed many of the athenian young noblemen , in morality ; and amongst the rest , alcibiades . astrologers divide the heaven into twelve parts , according to the number of the signs of the zodiack : the sign or constellation which rises in the east , at the birth of any man , is call'd , the ascendant : persius , therefore , judges that cornutus and he had the same , or a like nativity . the sign of gemini . the sign of libra . astrologers have an axiome , that whatsoever saturn ties , is loos'd by iupiter : they account saturn to be a planet of a malevolent nature ; and iupiter of a propitious influence . zeno was the great master of the stoick philosophy : and cleanthes was second to him , in reputation : cornutus , who was master or tutor to persius , was of the same school . when a slave was made free ; he had the priviledge of a roman born ; which was to have a share in the donatives or doles of bread , &c. which were distributed , by the magistrates amongst the people . the roman people was distributed into several tribes : he who was made free was inroll'd into some one of them ; and thereupon enjoy'd the common priviledges of a roman citizen . the master , who intended to infranchise a slave , carried him before the city praetor , and turn'd him round , using these words ; i will that this man be free . slaves had only one name before their freedom : after it , they were admitted to a praenomen , like our christen'd names : so dama ▪ is now call'd marcus dama . at the proof of a testament , the magistrates were to subscribe their names ; as allowing the legality of the will. slaves , when they were set free , had a cap given them , in sign of their liberty . brutus freed the roman people from the tyranny of the tarquins ; and chang'd the form of the government , into a glorious common-wealth . the text of the roman laws , was written in red letters ; which was call'd the rubrick ; translated here , in more general words , the letter of the law. the stoicks held this poradox , that any one vice , or notorious folly , which they call'd madness , hinder'd a man from being virtuous : that a man was of a piece , without a mixture ; either wholly vicious , or good ; one virtue or vice , according to them , including all the rest . the praetor held a wand in his hand ; with which he softly struck the slave on the head , when he declar'd him free . this alludes to the play of terence , call'd the eunuch ; which was excellently imitated of late in english , by sir charles sedley : in the first scene of that comedy , phoedria was introduc'd with his man pamphilus , discoursing , whether he shou'd leave his mistress thais , or return to her , now that she had invited him . he who sued for any office , amongst the romans was call'd a candidate ; because he wore a white gown : and sometimes chalk'd it , to make it appear whiter . he rose early , and went to the levees of those who headed the people : saluted also the tribes severally , when they were gather'd together , to chuse their magistrates ; and distributed a largess amongst them , to engage them for their voices : much resembling our elections of parliament-men . the commentators are divided , what herod this was , whom our author mentions : whether herod the great , whose birth● day might possibly be celebrated , after his death , by the herodians , a sect amongst the iews , who thought him their messiah ; or herod agrippa , living in the author's time , and after it . the latter seems the more probable opinion . the ancients had a superstition , contrary to ours , concerning egg-shells : they thought that if an egg-shell were crack'd , or a hole bor'd in the bottom of it , they were subject to the power of sorcery : we as vainly , break the bottom of an egg-shell , and cross it , when we have eaten the egg ; lest some hag shou'd make use of it , in bewitching us , or sailing over the sea in it , if it were whole . the rest of the priests of isis , and her one-ey'd , or squinting priestess , is more largely treated in the sixth satyr of iuvenal , where the superstitions of women are related . notes for div a -e all the studious , and particularly the poets , about the end of august , began to set themselves on work : refraining from writing , during the heats of the summer . they wrote by night ; and sate up the greatest part of it . for which reason the product of their studies , was call'd their elucubrations ; or nightly labours . they who had country seats retir'd to them , while they studied : as persius did to his , which was near the port of the moon in etruria ; and bassus to his , which was in the country of the sabines , nearer rome . this proves caesius bassus to have been a lyrick poet : 't is said of him , that by an eruption of the flameing mountain vesuvius , near which the greatest part of his fortune lay , he was burnt himself , together with all his writings . i call it a drunken dream of ennius ; not that my author in this place gives me any encouragement for the epithete ; but because horace , and all who mention ennius , say he was an excessive drinker of wine . in a dream , or vision , call you it which you please , he thought it was reveal'd to him , that the soul of pithagoras was transmigrated into him : as pithagoras , before him believ'd , that himself had been euphorbus in the wars of troy. commentators differ in placing the order of this soul , and who had it first . i have here given it to the peacock ; because it looks more according to the order of nature , that it shou'd lodge , in a creature of an inferiour species ; and so by gradation rise to the informing of a man. and persius favours me , by saying that ennius was the fifth from the pithagorean peacock . perhaps this is only a fine transition of the poet , to introduce the business of the satyr ; and not , that any such accident had happen'd to one of the friends of persius . but● however , this is the most poetical description of any in our author : and since he and lucan were so great friends , i know not but lucan might help him , in two or three of these verses , which seem to be written in his stile ; certain it is , that besides this description of a shipwreck , and two lines more , which are at the end of the second s●tyr , our poet has written nothing elegantly . i will therefore transcribe both the passages , to justifie my opinion . the following are the last verses saving one of the second satyr . compositum jus , fasque animi ; sanctosque recessus mentis , & incoctu● generoso pectus honesto : the others are those in this present satyr , which are subjoyn'd . — trabe ruptâ . bruttia saxa prendit amicus inops : remque omnem , surdaque vota co●didit ionio : iacet ipse in littore ; & ●nà ingentes de puppe dei : iamque obvia mergis costa ratis lacerae . — the latin is , nunc & de cespite vivo , frange aliquid . casaubon only opposes the cespes vivus , which word for word , is the living turf , to the harvest or annual income : i suppose the poet rather means , sell a piece of land already sown ; and give the money of it to my friend who has lo●t all by shipwreck : that is , do not stay till thou hast reap'd : but help him immediately , as his wants require . holiday translates it a green table : the sence is the same ; for the table was painted of the sea colour ; which the shipwreck'd person carried on his back● expressing his losses thereby , to excite the charity of the spectators . the bodies of the rich before they were burnt , were imbalm'd with spices ; or rather spices were put into the urn , with the relicks of the ashes . our author here names cinnamun● and cassia , which cassia , was sophisticated with cherry gum : and probably enough by the iews ; who adulterate all things which they sell. but whether the ancients were acquainted with the spices of the molucca islands , ceylon , and other parts of the indies ; or whether their pepper and cinnamon , &c. were the same with ours , is another question . as for nutmegs , and mace , 't is plain , that the latin names of them are modern . the caesar here mention'd is caius caligula ; who affected to triumph over the germans , whom he never conquer'd ; as he did over the britains . and accordingly sent letters wrapt about with laurels , to the senate , and the empress caesonia , whom i here cal● queen ; though i know that name was not us'd amongst the romans : but the word empress wou'd not stand in that verse : for which reason i adjourn'd it to another . the dust which was to be swept away from the altars , was either the a●hes which were left there ; after the last sacrifice for victory ; or might perhaps mean the dust or ashes , which were left on the altars , si●ce some former defeat of the romans , by the germans : after which overthrow , the altars had been neglected . caesonia wife to caius caligula , who afterwards , in the reign of claudius , was propos'd , but ineffectually , to be marry'd to him ; after he had executed messallina , for adultery . he means only such , as were to pass for germans , in the triumph : ● large body'd men , as they are still ; whom the empress cloath'd new , with course garments ; for the greater ostentation of the victory . a hundred pair of gladiators , were beyond the purse of a private man to give : therefore this is only a threatning to his heir , that he cou'd do what he pleas'd with his estate . why shou'd'st thou , who art an old fellow , hope to out-live me , and be my heir , who am much younger ? he who was first , in the course , or race , deliver'd the torch , which he carried , to him who was second . who were famous , for their lustiness ; and being , as we call it , in good likeing . they were set on a stall when they were expos'd to sale ; to shew the good habit of their body ; and made to play tricks before the buyers , to shew their activity and strength . chrysippus the stoick , invented a kind of argument , consisting of more than three propositions ; which is call'd sorites ; or a heap . but as chrysippus cou'd never bring his propositions to a certain stint : so neither can a covetous man , bring his craving desires to any certain measure of riches , beyond which , he cou'd not wish for any more . the president of presidents or, an elegie on the death of john bradshaw. t. b. this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason .f. [ ]). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing b thomason .f. [ ] estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; : f [ ]) the president of presidents or, an elegie on the death of john bradshaw. t. b. sheet ([ ] p.) s.n., [london : ] imprint from wing. verse - "what! he that blasted tyranny with's breath,". bradshaw died october . this is a satire. annotation on thomason copy: " . july .". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng bradshaw, john, - -- humor -- early works to . satire, english -- th century. a r (thomason .f. [ ]). civilwar no the president of presidents: or, an elegie, on the death of john bradshaw. t. b f the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the f category of texts with or more defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the president of presidents : or , an elegie , on the death of john bradshaw . what ! he that blasted tyranny with 's breath , has he submitted now to tyrant death ! could he the fate of kingdoms doom ? yet he not countermand prevailing destiny . who could find law 'gainst law , condemn , and trie , the king-like reason , god-like maiesty ; should have gone on , me-thinks , seen gasping lie the queen of reason too , philosophy . nor should he have staid there , but by some new , strange judic'ture have censur'd nature too . but stay , did 〈◊〉 ●ot think himself to be above the reach 〈◊〉 〈…〉 il mortality ? [ having bee● 〈…〉 〈…〉 v'd senate die , himself beco 〈…〉 〈…〉 us 〈…〉 he property . and generati●●●●rom corruption now , another rising from their overthrow . and that aspiring pyramide to fall ! ( the father's greatnesse , the son's funeral . ) and the forgotten carcase , that had lain disanimated long , revive again . assuming ( what was thought for ever gone ) their power , at their resurrection . ] and rising with 'em , thought himself to be invested with their immortality . but , as a flower on a chymist's call rais'd , to attend on its own funerall . short was their time , and soon expir'd their reigne , returning to their chaos back again . which bradshaw sadly viewing , sigh'd , that he must now submit t' imperious destiny . for he , who kept their seal , while he had breath , has yielded now to the broad-seal of death . but some may be so sawcie as to prie into the councel of the deitie : think justice is not hood-wink'd now , but blind ; style murther law , and cruelty most kind . that bradshaw , ( england's pilat ) who durst own the act , of murthering his soveraign ; usurp the seat of justice , doom to death , whom god himself had styl'd a god on earth : that at one fatall sentence , and one blow , lay butcher'd maj'stie , and three kingdoms too . drest in his sanguine roabs , law the pretence , t' assasinate both law and innocence . that , not the horrour of his crimes , nor sense of sin , could wake his sleeping conscience ; and on himself , like a foul o'recharg'd gun , recoil , and be his own destruction . or was the sword of justice dull ? had he brib'd that too , to comply with villany ? must he expire in his soft bed ? no force ! could not the * place inspire him with remorce ? know , that his crimes were such , transcended far all parallel , and must stand singular . the wittiest vengeance man could here invent , must fall far short of such a president . there is no name to know him by . nay , we ought to forget him , that posterity , searching our records , might no pattern find , this to re-act , but damn it to mankind . should man attempt this punishment , it were to rob just heaven of its vengeance here . oblivion ought to swallow the intent , and this example find no president . . july . t. b. notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- * whitehall , where he died . laugh and lie dovvne: or, the worldes folly tourneur, cyril, ?- . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc . estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) laugh and lie dovvne: or, the worldes folly tourneur, cyril, ?- . [ ] p. [by william jaggard] for ieffrey chorlton, and are to be sold at his shop, at the great north dore of saint paules, printed at london : . dedication signed: c.t., i.e. cyril tourneur. printer's name from stc. signatures: a-f⁴ (-a ,f ). running title reads: the vvorlds folly. identified as stc a on umi microfilm. reproduction of the original in the folger shakespeare library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the 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proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion lavgh and lie downe : or , the worldes folly. printed at london for ieffrey chorlton , and are to be sold at his shop , at the great north dore of saint paules , . to the reader . by your patience , if you haue leisure to laugh , and will take any paines to read , it may be you shall be fitted a penny worth to your humour . heere is no matter of state , diuinity , nor phisicke , but , and so foorth , such stuffe , as will giue you occasion perhaps , when you haue worne it out , to commende it to your friends : t is no outlandish , but made at home , and nere the worse , for i know no reason to barre any man of his wits , that can tell kindely how to vse them : there are so many excellent writers in high poetry , and strange plots , that poore men , who would do well , are afraide of euery scholler , for feare of a scoffe , and of him that hath no learning , for lacke of wit. but at aduenture , this is done : how well , i knowe not , but you that reade , may iudge as you list , there are changes in it enough to make a play : but the foole in the midst may marre all : whose part , let it be put vpon my selfe , for too much prattle , i care not , if i here take an order with my pen to make an end of an idle epistle . your friend as occasion serues . to his most loued louing , and welbeloued , no matter whom . you sir , hoping that you vvill take well , that is not worse ment , hauing nothing else , to giue you : i heere present you vvith a booke , vvherin , i haue vvriten as you see , vvhat it is you may iudge , a strange course of an odde straine , in vvhich if you finde no matter to make you merry , feede fatte vvith your melancholy , till you be as madde as he that hath no more vvit , then he needes to occupie : there are many passages , to little purpose , to him , that vnderstands them not , & yet he that hath both his eyes , may see more then a blinde man : i hope you are none of them , if you be , god help you , for i cannot , for thogh many can make lipp-salue , yet , vvit-salue is past my skill : preceptes there are none , for i doe not keepe a schoole , excepte it bee of had-i-vviste , and then if i should set vp my bill , i should haue too many scholers : my meaning vvas , to be merry vvith my selfe , and if in mine humor , i haue made any angrie , if he cannot haue patience , he must fret , till he be vveary : such as are vvise , vvill smile at their conceit , and the foole , for lack of vvit vvill finde fault , vvith he knovves not vvhat . ten , to one , i shall not please all men , and tvventy to one , i do not desire it : yet , loath to displease any , i leaue it indifferently , to euery one , intre●ing good minds to giue it good vvords , and for the 〈◊〉 i leave them to their bad humors : so , loath to tel 〈◊〉 vvhat follovves , i leaue my vvorke to the cen●●●e of your good vvill : and so rest as i finde cause . your louing friend , c. t. the worldes folly. within the compasse of the world ther is an island , whose name i haue not reade , and therefore i care not if i leaue it out : now , in this i slande , were diuers townes , and citties , among which , there was one greater then all the rest , the name whereof , was written vpon one of the gates , but the letters were so worne out that i could make no english of them : and therefore , least i should do wrong to the inhabitants , to set it downe by a false name , i will say no more of it but that it was a faire cittie , and so leaue it . now in this cittie , were many faire houses : but among all , one , of that bignes , that the lord of the towne had bene able to kéepe his christmas in it , it was full of windows , for a man might looke through it : and all the smoake of the house went out in one chimney . there were to this house , thrée gates ; and all in a forefront , which shewed that it had the foundation of some caitle : but by decaie , was brought to be an almes-house . now in this towne were many sundrie sorts of people of all ages ; as old , and young , and middle age : men , women , and children : which did eate , and drinke , and make a noyse , and die : but such as liued , had there , their sundry lodgings , that they might quickly be founde out , when there was occasion of their imploymeut . the house was large , and the gouernor a great man : i doe not meane in fat , ( and yet he was well lined in the pursse : ) but he hadde a great commaund , especially of those about him : which because they were of small wealth , there is little to be saide of them : onely they were creatures that serued the time , followed shaddowes , fitted humours , hoped of fortune , and found , what ? i cannot tell you . but at the entrance into the first base court , wher walking of horses was the chiefest exercise of idle people : ouer the gate , i sawe written ( madde fellowes ) now , asking the meaning thereof of an olde man ( who was the porter ) who had written vppon his breast , the kalender of experience , he tolde me , this house was called the fort of polly , where such as sold lande and followed fortune , to teache them patience after poasting , were put to walking of horses : where great spirits , stouping to little bodyes , made miserie a meane to happinesse : where in the crosse of patience , companie gaue much comfort : yea but ( quoth i ) doe all walke horses ? and haue they no other intertainment ? yes ( quoth the olde man ) within the house , are many , put to more vnpleasing seruices : as , they that haue spent their patrimony vppon wantonnesse , are made pandars to wickednesse he that lost his wealth at play , muste hold the candle to gamsters : and he that melted it in banquetting , must waite on a churles trencher : and he that spent it in the warres , must learne to pray for peace . alasse ( quod i ) i haue beene a yonger brother , and glad i would be to see fashions , but if here be no better intertainement , i haue no hart to goe in any further . oh sir , quoth he , content your selfe , you may doe better then you are aware of : for , if you haue any extraordinary qualitie , here you may make a gaine of it : if you can make a ditty to a tune , you may fill your belly for your witte : if you can mende a decayed complexion , you shall be paide for your colour : if you can deuise a new fashion , there are that will be for your humor : if you can tell a strange tale , you shall be thought wise : if you can swthe a lie , you will growe plausible : if you can mannage the carriage of the foole , you may haue sauour in faire eies : if you can cheate at play , you may thriue by trickes : if you haue any languages , you may do good vppon strangers . and if you haue the strength of the backe , you shall not want necessaries of the bellie : but whatsoeuer you doe , beware of conscience for she is in little credite : alas quoth i then , what should i do héere ? for i had rather die , then liue dishonestly : honesty ( quoth hee ) whatsoeuer you thinke of it , speake not a word of it . for in the course of folly , a faithfull seruant is a good asse : a kinde friend , is a swéet foole : a liberal hart is a feare of beggery : and a charitable man is a pittifull creature . and yet , howsoeuer they come héere , i knowe not , but our house is full of them , and therefore if you be as you say , so scrupulous of conscience , or so carefull of honesty , you were beste make one amonge a number héere , then loose your selfe in a wildernes with want of companie . for héere , you may be beauties foole , wealthes slaue , or wittes asse , or prides vassall , honours shaddowe , or powers subiect : you may be a iester among fooles , a iuggler among gypsies , a fortune-teller among fayre hands , or a flattrer among fine eares : and perhappes , if you can be wise , bee nere the worse for weldooing . for t is no shame to honestie , to furnish necessitie , so that the lawe doe not touch you , for i haue lyued long , and neuer saw a tempred spirit out of tune : and if you will be ruled by your friendes , you maye doe well . the mistresse of this house hath no meane power in the world : for in the warre , she hath her mutiners : in the schooles , her truantes : in the court , her prodigals : in the cittie , her minions : in the countrie , her lols : and at sea , her pyrates : and at lande , her out-lookers . and let me tell you , that once a yéere , ( howe often more , i knowe not ) they all do her homage . the cuckold hangs downe his head : the thiefe hideth his face : the prodigall fetcheth a déepe sighe : and the louer with infolded armes , and ( perhappes ) a wéeping eye , singes a ballad of his brainsicknes , to the tune of o man in desperation . and therefore thinke not much , among so many of such reputation , to haue a place of entertainment : which , if you like not , and can mend your selfe , tell me your minde , and i will helpe you in what i can : but , this i say , she is a kinde woman , and will giue you countenaunce whensoeuer you come : for shee loues straungers excéedinglye , and entertaineth them most kindely . alas ( quoth i ) these wordes of yours are straunge , i knowe not when to make of them : i am not for hir hand , except she haue néede of me in some better seruice , then i yet héere of . why ( quoth he ) let me tell you , it were straunge , that you should spend your wits , with your wealth , if the worste fall , let me tell you , if you can féede an owle , teach an ape , or catch a spaniell , i will warrant you pleas`d for your paine . no ( quoth i ) imaginations of ydlenesse , are but losse of time , and therefore trouble not your selfe , i had rather neuer serue , then be at such commaunde : but , since fortune hath brought me hither , i pray you do for me , what you can , that i may not so far loose my hopes , that i pay two déere for my repentaunce . i will ( quoth he ) come on thy wayes : so in he brought mee to his great ladie : who in a great brauerie , vaunting her selfe , asked me who i was ? i aunswered , a cipher among figures : well said , ( qd she ) more wit in the words then in the matter : now , whence come you ? from idlenesse , ( quoth i ) well , ( saide shee ) that is the righte waie to ignoraunce : eperience , take this fellow , to thee , and let him reade the rules of patience , which done , let him know his place . so taking leaue of his lady , he led me into a large roome , paued with rough flint stone in the midst whereof , was a kinde of standing water , that ( when it was sticced ) gaue a kinde of sent , that would haue kilde a horse : alasse ( quoth i ) father , what shall i doe héere ? why ( quoth he ) you must know , they that haue spent their wealth in perfumes , sweete waters , and delicate odors , must first , héere haue patience with a little vnpleasing sauour , for he that comes into such a great house , as your forte of follie : must not looke for all places , after the finest fashion ? for he that cannot away with sir reuerence , must not come at patience : but after you are a little vsed to it , you will easily away with it : oh , patience is a vertue , though it waite vpon many villaines : but you must away with many viscontentmentes , before you can be acquainted with the secretes of this house , or haue fauour with our mistresse . heere , in this place , which is called the purgatorie of ●●t●e , i must bring you acquainted with many , that haue lodging in this place , of whom you must haue diuers instructions , touching the rules of patience . so , knocking at one dwre , comes me out a handsome man , but poorely apparrelled , pale faced , thin hayzed , and lowe voiced : who , ( with a soft spéech , as in a feare to wake some sléeping children ) badde vs welcome , whome the olde man thus saluted : scholler , i haue this morning , met with a stranger , whome i haue preferred to my lady mistresse : who hath giuen me in charge , to instructe him in all thinges fit for him in her seruice : nowe , knowing your perfection in the first point of the principalles of this purgatorie , i will leaue him for this day to your entertainment : he is welcome ( quoth he ) so , ( leauing me till the next morning , ) he went his may , and i ( in a pittifull taking , ) was brought by this anathomie of flesh , into the discomefort of nature , where oppenning a little dwre , and that lowe , where we must stoope ere we got in , there did i sée ( with much adoe ) through a huge sea-cole smoake , by a little light , that came through a hole , in the top of the house , a roome filled with people of diuers humors , aswell olde as young , ( but the pittifullest of creatures , that the earth carried aliue : ) all sitting vpon the bare ground : some sighing ; other groaning , some wéeping , other wringing their hands : and not one , but in one agonie , or other . now , what with feare , and what with sorrow , in a kinde of maze to beholde this mappe of mtserie , this poore wretch appointed for my reader in the rules of patience , while i expected some booke or other , that he should fall to lay open to such purpose : he brought me to them all , one after another , willing me to note them seuerally , to giue eare to their spéeches , and to take notes of them for my better memorie . so sitting downe with him ( as it were ) in the midst of them , without any regard , either of me or themselues , while melancholy so domineired in all , that there was not a good humour among them : they thus began their blacke sauntis . one , who ( it shoulde séente ) , had béene a trauailer , and nowe retyred perforce , from a worlde of countries , fell thus to talke to himselfe . o heauens , what a hell is this ? tyre the bodie , spende the spirite , emptie the purse , weary friendes , waste the wittes deserue well , desire little , and haue nothing : what comforte on the earth , but death ? fortune is such an enimie to vertue , the rowling stone gathers no mosse , the vanitie of varietie settes the wittes a wooll-gathering , where the shéepe are woorse then woolues , trauaile toylesome , victuall chargeable , apparrell costly , companie iealous , the sea daungerous , and nature vicious . these passages who hath paste , and is come vnto the ende of his pilgrimage , let him sing with me in this purgatorie : oh the winde , the weather , and the raine . when shaking of his heade , with a heauie hearte , hee putte his tounge to silence : when hauing learned by his trauaile , ( hauing little money in his purse , ) to fare harde , hee fell to breake his fast nowe aboute dinner time , with the pill of an orange , a rawe roote , and a little salte : which with a harde cruste of drye biskette , and a cruze of colde water , hee made his patient repast : when , calling mée to him . sir ( quoth hée ) if it please you , that you will take parte with a poore manne , wellcome shall bee your best cheare . a trauailers table is soone couered : i haue beene verie well acquainted with kick-shoses , but now i haue learned to satisfie nature with a little . alasse , thought i , to take a bone from a dogge , i should starue the dumbe beast , and rather had i fast , then fall to such hungrie fare . so , hauing manie more to looke ouer , the next was a man of middle age , who had binne a man of some wealth : but , with entering into suretie , and taking vp creditte , and giuing interest , fell so farre to decay , by leauing his trade to his seruantes charge , and followinge the course of his owne pleasures , satte there with a néedle and a thréed , mending of byréeches , petticoates , and stockinges : in which , being so practised , as got him now and then a little woorke , he had standing by him , for meat and drinke , a pot of strong ale , which was often at his his nose , that it kept his face in so good a coulour , and his braine in so kinde a heate , as forgetting part of his forepassed pride , in the good humour of grieuing patience , made him with a hemming sigh , ilfauourdly singe the ballad of whilom i was , to the tune of tom tinker . this poore soule i pittied , but finding little matter in him , i went to the next : who being an olde man with a siluer head , and a snowy bearde , hollow chéeked . iawe-fallen , and bleare eyed , shaking with the palsie , and tormented with the stone , not so rich , as to haue the gout , hauing beene a man of some possessions , and with too fat feeding of horses , too high kéeping of haukes , and too much delighting in banquetinges , through lacke of husbandrie , was forced to leaue himselfe without lande , and hauing no more mony left , then in soiourning with patience , might pay for his bourde in this purgatorie , hauing in a little boxe , an electuarie , which , with a little spirite of the iuice of grape , kepte lyfe and soule together ; this poore man , talking to himselfe , of the vngratefulnesse of the proude ; the vnkindenesse of the rich , the hatefulnes of the wicked , the wo of the wan ton , and the miserie of the poore , the wilfulnesse of youth , and the wretchednesse of age : after many a déepe sighe , with a hollowe voice , in a solemne tune , with a heauie hearte , fell to sing the song of oken leaues began to wither : to the tune of heauilie , heauilie . which poore soule had no sooner ended , but for his best ease , falling fast asléepe , to his good slumber i left him . when nexte to him , sat a dapper fellowe with a smarte countenance : one , who ( it séemed ) in his youth had béene experte in the passe a measure : but , for want of a good eare to kéepe time , made no lasting commoditie of his idle qualitie . nowe this fellows ( as it séemed ) had spent a greate deale more then his getting , vpon the gay furnishing of an euill fauoured carkasse , which growing out of square with good fashion , and with some great cold after a heat , in some extraordinarie labour , hauing gotten the crampe of the iointes , sat with a combe in his hande , dressing of haire to send to the perriewigge-makers , which being a verie poore occupacion , gotte him little , but nowe and than , a little broken meate after the houshoulde had dined : who after hee had spit on his fingers and wiped them on his patched bréeches after dinner , in steade of grace ; fell to sing the ballad of the blinde beggar , to the tune of heigh ho. nowe , taking no great pleasure in this pawne at chesse ; i took note of the nexte : who was a young man , faire of face , flaxen head , fine hand , and foote , streight body , good legge , and a reasonable good countenance ; but with all this , t was pitty he was a foole ; for as i found after ward by him , hee had béen a possessor of some small portion : which , through lacke of a good forewit , brought him into this purgatorie of folly. for allas poore man , he had been so far in loue , that hee was almost out of his wits , ere his wealth was halfe gon ; and being brought to a bare point , hauing no further credit with beautie , then cost , not able to mantaine the course , was sains to giue it ouer in the plaine field : where so far forlorne of all comfort , that he knewe not where to bestowe his litle talent that hee had lost , fell by chaunce vpon this forte , where , hee nowe sat making of ballads ; where with a crust of breade out of his pocket , eating , and singing , hee howled out the dittle of when i was faire and young : to the tune of fortune . but to heare how he cursed the vvenches that had ( as he said ) missused him vvith faire looks , kind promises , and such tricks ; oh fie vppon them , a man is vvorse then mad that hath to dooe vvith any of them ; and then , hovv he vvould curse himselfe , for selling of his lande , spending of his money , and loosing of his time , if a man in that place could haue laughte , it vvould haue put him to his passion . but there let him sing , and they that liste buye his ballads . now from him , i tooke note of the next , which was of the feminine gender , one that was once a virgin had béene a little while a mayde , knew the name of a wife , fell to be a widdow , and laste of all , eyther through desire of change , or mislike of choice , or the instinct of nature , or the corruption of the spirite , or want , or pride , i know not , but for want of a better trade , after she had giuen ouer her shop , betooke her to her chamber : and there , not able to maintain house-kéeping with idlenesse , fell to occupye suche wares as were most gainfull : where , hauing stufs of all coulours , she so pleased her chapmen , that for a while she had good resort : but many of them falling to decaie , her ware growne old , and her stuffes common , she that had béen a whore in her youth , and a bawde in her olde age , was now become an almeswoman , and liued vpon a poore pittance , when after many a déep sigh , and bitter teare or two , she would sing the lamentation of a sinner , to the tune of welladaye . after all these , i sawe a yong woman , of reasonable beauty , indifferent good countenance , and of stature not much amisse , who being in all her life none of the richest , nor for her wit , none of the wisest : yet for that , she had a conceit beyond all good vnderstanding , that because a knaue for a fit of fie-for-shame or a companion , for gaine of a little coyne , woulde perswade her , that she was wonderfullie faire , and excéeding wise , she , out of the great lacke of knowledge , in her little discretion , thinking , that if shée , out of the common of two , shoulde be of a better declension then a simple creature , perswading hirselfe that casting a shéepes eye at a rams-head , the hornes shoulde not be séene , till the ewe mighte auouch the lambe , by the pride of a few pence , often frequenting the market , and méeting her willers at the tauerne , it fell out , that after an ydle and loos life , by breach of promise of one expence vppon another , and ill dealing of all , hauing lost all fauor with her friends , loue of her kinne , and the greatest part of her portion , hauing now nothing left , but a wicked face , and a worse bodie , a gowtie legge , and a splay soote , fit for nothing , but a base exercise , shée was nowe with a little coyne , in a leather pursse , a sowle kerchiefe , a course petticote , and a clowted shoo , become a laundresse to the house : where with her handes vppe to the elbowes in a washing-boul , rubbing vppe a baby-clowt , stood singing the ballet , of all a greene willowe , to the famous tune of ding , dong . now there were diuers others in excéeding badde takings : as lustie , gallant youthes , that had spent and made hauocke of their patrimonies , in attending vpon vaine hopes , and loosing their times , exclaiming vpon fortune , growing ( euen as it were ) madde for lacke of money , here in this place were let to diuers exercises , of whome the number was to be accounted verie great , and therefore i care not if i skippe them over : but yet amongst them al , there was one , that i tooke a speciall regarde vnto : a man of a good personage , a faire complexion , a quicke wit , and a gratious spirit , who either for punishment of his siunes , or for triall of his patience , had bene married to a most vilde woman : who , as she was neither faire , nor greatly well fauoured , yet , was she most excéedingly foolish , and intollerably frowarde : one , whome nothinge contented , but money , which she knew not well how to vse , when she had it , and yet , with this piece of vngratious creature , had this poore man tugged out twelue yéeres of his life , when , béeing so continually wearied out with vnquietnesse , that he knewe not where to bestowe himselfe , after long losse of time , expence of much money , and many a heactes griefe , thinking no purgatorie so full of paine , as the passion of her frowardnes , satte there , reading of the vertue of patience , when with his eies full of teares , and hart-broken sighes he hummed out the ballad of the breeches , to the tune of neuer more . now this man ( after his song , ) i had some talke withall , who told me , that of all the torments of the world ther is none so intollerable , as the vnquietnes of a frowarde wife . oh shee is like thunder in his eares , like lightning in his eyes , like a beare in his bed , and a dog at his table , so that if there may be a deuill in a humane shape , he will shevv himselfe in her picture : oh quoth he ) i pray thee trouble mee not with speakinge of her , i haue griefe inough to think of her , for she was the plague of my youth , and is now , the miserie of mine age , for , in respect of her pestilent tongue , this very purgatorie , is a paradise : shée hath béene the losse of my credite , the crosse of my fortune , the hurt of my witte , and the onely vexation of my spicite : but peace ( quoth hee ) noe more wordes ; for nowe shee beginnes to awake , you shall sée a proofe of my spéeche : when stretching out a mouth , as wide as halfe a worlde , after a sléepye yawne or two , scarce well out of her dead slumber , ( persmading her selfe , that she hadde heard som part of her description ) out she breakes into her naturall fittes : with yea , i heare you well enough , a vengeance of all such husbandes . good wife , saide he , know where you are , haue patience : good asse ( sayde shee ) wherefore ? what should one doe with a iacke an-apes that hath neyther wit nor gouernement ; thou haste nothinge of a man in thée , hange thée dogge : fye sister ( saide he ) you are much to be blamed , neyther beautie , nor honor , wealth nor wit , and yet out of tune still . fie , fie , learne to be wise , this is a purgatorye , where euerie body learnes patience , and you onelie spoile all : a purgatorie indéede , saide shée , to be yoaked and matcht with a slaue , as is by no meanes able to maintaine me , as well as others doe their wiues : if thou canst not liue , heere is a knife to cutte thy throte , goe to the sea and drowne thy selfe , or else vnto the gallowes and hange thy selfe , i promyse thee i care not for thée : if i were well ridde of thee , i would haue thy betters , i haue no trade to gette my liuing , and therefore doe as thou wilt or canst , i care not : naye then ( saide she ) if that so be you doe not mend your maners , i shall be enforced to leaue you in your sleepe : and when you are awake , see what your mistcesse will do●e for you : and with that worde , swelting with anger , and readie to foame at the mouthe , taking out of her pocket , a ballad of the tinkers wife that beate her husbande : after shée had grated her teeth , and knitte her browes and made a wru●ging mouth she fell to reading , till shee was fast a sleep : where , he ( not willing to wake hit ) rose quietly away from her , and with me stealing away from the company , brought mee out of that roome into another roome , more lightsome and comfortable , and yet , very pittifull to beholde , when the miseries there , were well considered : for , one that had bene in loue , sat looking on his mistresse picture , making such a legge to it , writing such verses in honour to it , and committing such idolatrie with it , that poore man , i pittied him : and in his behalfe , sorrowed to sée how the foole did handle him : but there sat he , hanging the head , lifting vp the eyes , and with a déepe sigh , singing the ballad of , come liue with me , and be my loue : to the tune of adew my deere . next to him , sat a young woman , that was verie faire , and indifferent wise , of a right good stocke , and reasonably honest : but , for want of a good purse , she had lost her louer , and being grown into some yéers , hauing no excellent good qualitie , was there set with a pan of coales , a starch-pot , and a setting-sticke , which being now the trade of attendance , to hope of the preferment of mariage , to some fellow of more wealth , then vnderstanding in the world , there sat with her poting sticke , stiffening of a fall : and singing the ballet of fortune hath stolne away my loue to the tune of greene sleeues . to which song leauing her , i cast mine eies vpon a pittifull creature , which , in the shape of a woman , made a pittifull sight : for , being both in proportion , countenance , and qualitie , an obiect woorthe the looking on : yet no sooner began she to vtter her passion , in the method of lamentation , but , she did so turne my hart in my belly , that if in hope of her better recouerie , it had not turn`d backe : a thousande to one , but my kindnes had cost me more then i should haue gotten by it : for , to tell you some part of her spéeche , ( though it were neuer in the grammar ) yet , being in the rules of the accidents , for the better vnderstanding of the reader , i will set it downe as i can remember it . oh lord ( quoth she ) what plague can be greater to a woman , then to be married to a muskleboat , which neuer goes further then a cricke , to fish for a frog , with a goose-net : was euer any woman in the worlde brought into such a hell ? oh let me thinke vpon my dingle dangle : in my bed , a log , at my table a hog , in discourse , a baby , in iudgement , an asse , and for all imperfections , the substance of worse then nothing , and yet , i must , and haue , ( but , will no more , ) done reuerence to this monster , and bene a seruant to this slaue , and all , for a little money : but i haue done , i will héere rather pine to death , in this purgatory of patience , then passe one day longer , in the laborinth of sorrow , to liue with such a none-such , a fool ? why , i had rather be a beg gar with true wit , then a lady without true honor : but , since patience is a medcine for all malladies , if he continue the coxcombe a little longer , i will fit him a pennyworth to the purpose : and in the meane time , till i sée him ( which i hope neuer to doe : ) let me sing my new ballet , of the fine foole , to the tune of tarlton : wherwith pulling a paper out of her pocket , wherein was written both the dittye and the note , she beganne like a nightingall , to singe with a voice , that if i had not knowne her to haue bene a woman , i shoulde haue thought her some better creature : but there let me leaue her in her dumps of wella-day , and tell you further on , of my passage ; taking a little viewe of all these obiects , nothing what i thought most néedefull , i tooke the company of my friend , and came into an other roome , greater then that before : where i saw diuers , sitting at a rounde table : and ( as it were ) at dinner : for euery one , had his trencher furnished . one , hee fedde on flies , and bées , which so stunge his tongue and bit him by the lippe , that hee was forc`st to giue vppe houshold , and leaue all hospitalitie , and studie onely to please the lady of the castle : but , while he was in studie , he fed still vpon flies , that , ( had not his throat bene the wider ) hee had bene choaked with a flie , instéede of some better fare : but loathe to leaue him , without some further knowledge of him : i vnderstood , that , he had bene a man of some vnderstanding , but , so carried awaye with conceit : that because he thought himselfe wise , there was more hope of a foole , then of him , for true wit to do good vpon ? for , trusting to the compasse of his owne capacitie , so much , that he disdained better company , he was so cosened with the cunning of wit , as , thinking to ouer-reach the moone with imagination , he fell through the clowdes of error , so low into the lap of folly , as being swaddled vp , in her babies bands , he must be very olde , ere he recouer his wits againe : but , poore wretch , there let him rest , and watch the spiders webbe for a flie , for i had no more to do with him : but the next to him , sat a handsome woman , in shape , but , for her beauty , nointed with the curriers oyle : and for her wit , it was so naturall , that art had nothing so do with it , yet hadde this vnséemely creature , among better company , a kinde of pride , that she was woorth the looking on , till after great expences of apparrel for her filthy outside , and fine diet for her fowle chappes , she grew to so bare a reckoning with her purse , that her portion must now be raised vpon her qualities , which béeing chiefly in her néedle , she was forced to be sparing of her dyet , and make layd-worke the greatest parte of her liuing , whereof though she had her handes full , yet cut-worke being more in vse , she was constrained to take excéeding great pains for little profit : but hauing now newe risen vppe from her worke , and set downe at the table , her meate was most chiefly on a fryed mouse , and the reason thereof was , for that she being as watchfull as a catte , and as broade eyed , and euil faced , neuer gotten without the consent , agréement , or conceite of some such like creature , it was a dish set before hir to discipher hir disposition : and so let her sitte , her neighbour with a flie , and she with a fried mouse , like good fellowes , or good fooles togither . now , next her , sat a man , well stept in yéeres , but fine in apparrell , and so briske in countenance , as if he had fed vpon an elixar , to recouer the losse of his strength , and he more strong in mind , then in body , to preserue the smoothnesse of his countnance , to deceiue the sight of a simple eie , fedde onely vppon a snayle , and so litle at once that he kept an exceeding spare diet : which , not being wholesome for all complexions , i meant not to meddle with : but so , leauing him to his perillous dishe , tooke note of her that was nexte him : who in the shape of a woman , was nothing pleaūng to man : for as she was olde , ( and therfore not eiesome , ) so was she froward , and that was cumbersome : one , who in her youthe had been so lauish of her kindnesse , that now in her age , she had nothing left but the contrary : and , where she might haue bene commaunder of many friends , shée now was growne to be an ouerséer of idlenes : wher being so busie , with a crabbed humour , that she was vnfit for good company : lighting amongst beggers , that would flatter her for a poore reuersion , for want of a paire of spectacles , to leade the right way to her graue , she fell , ( by i know not what chaunce ) into this fort of foll , and so , in the society of these fooles , sat at this table of good fellowshippe : where the most of her foode , was of the clawe of an olde crabbe : a true figure of her substaunce : for her little eyes , her crawling féet , and her scratching fingers , the salt khewme , like the sea water , and her graue , like a hole in the mudde , where , after her going forwarde and backward , she went stealing of time to litle purpose , feeding vpon the gaine of young people , as the crabbe doth on little ashes , she was sweetly disciphered in her diet but , least i grow tedious in her description , i will tell you of the rest . the next was a nimble witted , and glib-toung`d fel low , who hauing in his youth , spent his wits in the art of loue , was now , become the iest of wit for his looks were so demure , his words were so in print , his graces so in order , and his conceites so in tune : that he was , yea iwis was he , and that he was , such a gentleman for a iester , that the lady folly , could neuer be better fitted for her entertainement of all straungers . the picktooth in the mouth , the flower in the eare , the brush vpon the beard , the kisse of the hand , the stoupe of the head the leers of the eye , and what not , that was vnnéedefull , but he hadde so perfecte at his fingers endes , that euery she , was my faire ladye , and scarce a knight , was , noble sir , the tabacco-pipe was at hand , when trinidado , was not forgotten : and then a tale of a roasted horse , to make an asse laugh , for lacke of witte : why , all thinges so well agreede togither , that at this square table of people , or table of square people , this man , ( made by rule ) could not be spared for a great summe . now , his meate was most of a goose to which he had so much sawce , that it would haue serued for many dishes : but , for that his talke , was to little purpose , and he himselfe but a picture of idlenesse , i leaue him among his fellowe partners , and will tell you onwards of the next two , for the table was fully furnished . the next to him was a woman , i cannot wel say much more of her ; for her beautie was worne out ; her bodie was able to carrie her limbes , her handes had fingers , and shee wanted not a tongue , whiche was the member she now made most vse of ; for shée woulde so praise my lady , so sooth vppe my coosen , so magnifie my lorde , and be so pleasing to euerie person , that hauing lost much in her youth by plain-dealing , she thought now to recouer it by plaine knauerie : but meeting with such wittes as met with her wiles , finding no place of worth , fitting her vnworthie company , for lacke of better meanes to liue , betooke her self to be a gossip among fooles , where according to her qualitie , she was serued with tongues onlie for her diet : which tempred to so manye tunes , and turning to so manie matters , that it troubled my eares with the hearing of them , i will leaue her to her tittle tattle , and tell you a little of the laste , who was in shape a man , and not a man , i knowe not what to saie of suche a man , for he had the eyes of a calfe , the bearde of a goate , the head of a water-spaniell , ( meaning the haire , ) the eare of an asse , the necke of a bull , the nose of a bottle ( or a bottle nose ) and the lippe of an horse , the countenaunce of a dogge , and the voice of a hogge , which being fedde vppe for larde , was a huge péece of fatte , as for good and firme fleshe hee hadde but a little . now , this vgly creature , who was scarce able to go from his bed to the boord , must there sit in a chaire made of downe quilt , with a pillow at his backe , and a cushion at his féet , féeding vpon swéete gelly , and laughing at a bawdy tale . nowe imagining by the poets fiction , he should be god , or rather , deuill bacchus , loth to haue to do with such loathsome creatures , i left the company as they sat , and came into the next roome : where , being brought in by my guide , ( the poore man , that was in miserable taking with a woman , i will not say his wife : ) there he tooke me by the hand , and setting downe by me , willed me to be silent , and onely giue eare to the discourses that i should héere betwixt two fooles , that in losse of time , should lay open their imperfections : and what i noted worth the laughiug at ; to smile , and say nothing : so , after a few friendly instructions for obseruations in that place , he sets behind a cloth , yet not so close , but thorough a light sufficient to looke on folly , i might sée two goodly personages comming in , hande in hande , who hauing past some complementes of common curtesie , sitting both downe togither , fell into some kinde spéeches : and hadde not she bene painted , venus hadde beene but a blowse : and had not he béene pranckt vp , he had bene the shape of a handsome man. but as they were like the idols of idlenes , let them passe , with their imperfections , and let me tell you a little of their tattle : he , as it fell out for his turne , beganne thus to goe aboute her : by this faire heauen : ( o lord thought i , thou art i feare neerer hell but on , did you know swéet lady , could you guesse , or woulde you conetiue , the true , and faithfull , and vnfained , harty , inwarde , constante , and resolute and vnmoueable loue , ( alasse thought i , what 's héere to doe , the mans wittes are out of breath , to spend so many words about nothing , but let me goe on ) the loue that i beare you , and onely you , and none but you , the sunne of my daie , the light of mine eies , the any of my hart , and honour of my minde : ( yet againe quoth i to my selfe , what ayles this poore man , is he saying a lesson to his mistresse ? but a little further . ) then you could not be so hard harted , so cruell minded , nor so vninercifully disposed , to grieue , to torment to her and to disquiet , this poore afflicted , woefull , sorrowefull , and lamentable heart of mine . when , with a sigh he paused , and saide no more for the first part . much adoe i had to forbeare laughing , but i was glad , when he had done : expecting some woorthy aunswere from her , who , putting vp her loose hatre with her hande , remouing a pretty worme from his place , with a siluer bodkinne , shaking the heade , with a straunge wincke , setting a face fit for her spéech , begun thus her reply . oh sir , your words , nor your wittes , nor your wiles , nor your wittes , nor your oths , ( what 's the matter now thought i ? but on ) shall not deceiue nor blind , nor ouercome , nor go beyond me , so farre , but , i know , and perceiue , and vnderstande , what you mean , and purpose , & intend , we i enough : ( lord helpe me , thought i , héer 's strange eloquence : but let me goe further ) but , i hope i will not be a seruant , where i may commaund , be bound , where i am at libertie , and be betrayed in my most trust . ( but then to heare the poore man , how he played the foole , t is pirty that euer it should be spoken : but for the stories sake , let it passe . ) mistris ( quoth he ) héere is my brest , cut out my hart , sée my thoughts : héere is my purse , take my gold : my whole state is at your seruice . ( at these words my heart began to tremble , for nowe the poore man is vndone , for shee will make him a begger , and then will he be a stark foole , but to go on , she tooke his purse and his iewels , and kissed his brest , and said ) nay wéepe not , for i did but try your truth , there shall be no loue lost , and therefore , i pray you onely , be not iealous of my lookes to any other , for you onely shall haue my loue : and therwithall giuing him a iudas kisse , she whippes a bracelet of pearle off from his arme , with these words , this shall be your pawne , that i will weare for your sake till to morrow : for euer mistris ( quoth he ) and all that i haue at your seruice ; and i prate you mistris , grace me with your voice , to a dittie that i haue mede to the tune of , lady , lady , my faire lady : a vengeance on the foole thought i , it freakes me to heare him play the asse : but when i heard him fumble the strings of a bandore , as if it had bene the backe side of a battle-doore , and her straine ●ut a throate like a pigge , running to a swill tubbe : i thought if the deuill had daunced , there had béene a morris for hell : but , let them be , on the suddaine they went away ; and in comes another couple ; a man after the countrey manner , and a woman after the our towne fashion : he , no more witte , nor shee , more vnderstanding , then was fit for the plough and the milke paile : and yet , these two ( contrarie to all rules of reason howe it shoulde fall out : fell , as it should séeme , in loue , for , after they had sat downe a while , and he had blow●d his nose , and she had wipte her mouth , it came so about , that sitting togither , he fell to her with these words : ienny , you knowe i am a man , as other are , and my name is ienkin , so was my father afore me : and , though i haue not béene brought vp at schoole , to write and read , yet , ( i thank god , ) i vnderstand english. now , i am not one of these fine toung`d fellows , that will forsweare themselues for a fit of knauerie : i meane truely and honestly , and so i hope , doe you , or else , i would you were hang`d for me , and all that meane otherwise , for i do not , beléeue me , and you will , i will saie and holde , i doe not loue to make euery man priuie to my secretes , t were but folly : you knowe i loue you , and more then our selues , no man knowes any thinge of my minde , but your cosenne hobblin , by whome i sent you the last sunday , a paire of gloues , cutte out of the best of the shéepes skinnes , they cost me thrée-pence , that they did , and i hope , that it shall not be the last loue-token , that i will sende , and you will take , for , i haue somewhat a bréeding for you , and therefore , since you knowe , your father haue lefte you the pied heyfare , and your mother haue giuen you the cosset lambe , my gray mare and the colte , that i had left me by my granam , and the croppe of rie , that i haue in common field , i hope ( if you meane truth and honestye ) will doe well to beginne the worlde withall : how say you ? shall we clappe handes , and make a bargaine ? soft , ( quoth she ) stay a little , and let me goe with you a little , either trust me , or not trust me : i am either a woman , or a beast , and therfore neuer make such a do about nothing , it was a simple napkinne , wrought with couentry blew , wrought with hand in hand and hart betwéene that i sent you , by your sister parnell , i will not say what i paide for the working of it , besides a pot of béere , and two cakes , but , let it go , i will get it vp againe : you saide you loue me , and i loue you , and i loue you , and you shall finde it , but , i tell you , there is day enough to night : soft fire makes swéet malt : i pray you be not angrie : for , indéed , i am falne out with mine aunt , and i know your mother is not wiling to the match : but , all is one : i am thine my boy , and i haue saine it , and i will neuer goe from it : thou didst winne me at the may-pole , when that i carried away the garlande , and nowe , therefore ienny is thine ienkin . be merry and take no thought , for , i am for thée at an howers warninge , in the waye of honesty , when thou wilt , and therefore , since you are so earnest on the matter , aske the banes , when you will , bid your friends , and i will bid mine , and wee will haue a merry bridall day , let the world wagge after as it will. so , with a little controuersie , the simple people were soone agréed : he so besmouched her , & she so beclapped him , and there tumbling together , as merrie as they coulde wish , i sighed to thinke , what a supper they would haue after break-fast : for when the meat was spent , they might learn to fast for a supper . alas pore fooles , but they are simply foolish , and coulde not doe withall : for loue had catcht them , and they were in for a bird : and therefore god helpe the poore , for they were in a pittifull taking , but let them goe : when they were risen and parted , came in thrée men , a poet , a musition , and a painter : but when i sawe them in their fits , oh what an humor did i fall into ? i knew not what to thinke . for the poet studied so long vpon a verse , that forgetting his matter , fell flat out with his wits , and made such a rime , as being not woorth the reading , t were verie idle for me to write it . the musition , hee kept such a stir with looking vp into the skie , for a note aboue ela , that being of a suden , so out 〈◊〉 square with his humor , that he was not wholy him selfe , he plaid such a song of the thrée merry men , that had the dittie béene in a strange language , i shoulde haue béene puzled in the musicke : but leauing him in his crotchets , let me tel you a litle of the painter , who kissed his picture , hugd it in his armes , and grewe so far in loue with his owne workmanship , as in the erfremitie of passion , made him crie out , oh that thou couldst speake to me : but in this humour , these thrée hauing stated a while , went their way , like seruants to lady folly , to sée what buisinesse shee had for them . but no sooner were they gon then came in thrée other : a lame soldier , a poore trauailer , and an vpstart courtier : where euerie one hauing spoken his minde , in the manner of a play they departed . the soldier , he beat his boy for lack of attendance , when he had plaied away his allowance at primero . the trauailer he talked so of straunge matters , that for lacke of money , hee was glad to fast for his dinner . the courtier he was so fine in his complemēts , that his obligation grew scarce currant for his clothes . alas thought i , surely ; only folly hath made these men poore , and now pouertie hath made them fooles : but , in pittie let me speake it , they were proper men , and so let them passe . now , no sooner were they gone , but came in thrée other : a séely lawyer , a simple usurer , and an honest broker . the lawyer ( as it shoulde séeme ) had too much care of conscience , for his worldly cōmoditie ; who weying the weight of euery cause , and the estate of euerie client , was more gratious , then polliticke : and so like an honest poore man , better studied in the lawe of god , then profiting by the law of man ; more fit for praier , then for pleading , sat reading of a case betwixte the vertue of necessity , and the pride of superfluitie : where lazarus out of heauen shewed the blessing of patience ; and diues out of hel shewed the reward of vncharitablenes . but let him there sit shaking the heade at usurie : and let me tell you a litle of the behauiour of that monster : who hauing béene , ( for the most parte of his life , ) fed with the offall flesh , the pairings of chéese , and the droppings of tappes , wringing out the toyle of the labourer , the harde market of the tradesman , the prodigalitie of the rich , and the miserie of the poore . those heapes of goulde , that had shutte vp his heart in his purse , sate in the chaire of iniquity , tortured with the gowte , nummed with the palsie , cramped with the collicke , and torrmented in the soule with the woorme of conscience : cryeing by fittes ( as he had any case ) oh the hell of a wounded conscience : widdowes rise out of your graues , take your leases of your houses , and pray for some ease of my passion : children of vnhappie parents , receiue the gaine of vnlawefull interest , take your portions , too long kept from you : onely pray for my comforte , that i bee not vtterly confounded ; miserable men , come out of your prisons , i forgiue you your debts , and wil restore you your due . oh the ertreame reward of extremitie , where lawe is without loue , andcouetousnes without conscience ; oh the teares of the widdow , the cries of the orphane , the miserie of the poore , and the lamentation of the destressed : i sée them , i heare them , i féele them : oh i knowe not what to doe , nor where to rest for them ; they rise vp to heauen , and weigh mee downe to hell . oh , what auaileth all the worlde to him , that looseth his owne soule : but farewell world , i defie thée ; wealth , i hate thée auarice i detest thée , charitie i imbrace thée , pittie i loue thée , necessitie i relieue thée , oppression i abhorre thée , mercie i adore thée , hell i haue not to doe with thée , heauen i come to thée . so distributing to the poore , and comforting the miserable , disposing of his worldly goods , to the good of the distressed christian , bequeathing to the lawyer for his care of conscience , an annuitie , to kéepe him from vncharitable fées : and the broker a reasonable portion , to make him leaue his griping kinde of trade or profession : rising from his seat of torment , fell sodainly on his knées to praier , where his paines mitigated , and his praiers ended , he became a new creature : chusing rather to die a poore christian , then to liue a rich iew. a strang sight , but worth the looking on : but there let me leaue him , in a good exercise , and tel yon what followed of the broker : that poore man féeing the lawyer , and the vsurer , both gone from the world , and himselfe left in a pittifull taking to tarrie in it , followes his good maisters before him : deliuers vp his pawnes and his bonds , vpon such reasonable consideration , that within a while he grew out of cre dit with the money-maisters , and so giuing ouer his shop , and contented with a meane pittance , liued like a good foole , with his good masters : but since the folly before men , is wisdome before god , i hold such fools in better estate , then greater knaues in more reckoning : but when these men had a while talked of the comfort of their concertion , i scarce turned my head aside , but they were gone . when presently came in an olde fellowe with a penne in his eare , and a booke in his hande : who sitting downe in a seate , ( like a sumner in a church portch , or an a b c schoolemasster ) laid downe a great booke before him , where hee read certaine names , but his voice being somewhat law , i could not heare him , but his words ( i take it were after this manner . william , ( i know not what more ) of ( i know not whence ) gentleman , for selling of his lande , and putting of it into money , and spendinge of it in the warres , and comming home a begger : entertained for the shaddow of witte , the fourth of aprill , in the yéere of imperfection , shew your selfe in your place : wherewith commeth foorth a strange creature , with a bush on his head , and a forrest on his face , a frowning brow , and a léering , eye , who sitting downe on a beanch , answeared , zounds , héere i am , a pox of all fooles , what wouldst thou ? well ( quoth the old man ) enough , impatience is one badge of folly : stay a while . then he reads thomas , but no more , of et cetera , that had a good stocke of money , and loste it in play , entertained for the losse of time , come foorthe : when presently appeared , a poore man , ill clad , leane faced , and heauy eied , biting his fingers , and cursing the rascall dice , and rayling vpon fortune : oh god , ( sayes the olde man ) fortune is the trust of folly , an other of my ladies badges , well , sit you downe . then beginnes he againe : parnell , of such a place , widdowe , well left by a kind and carefull husbande , and forgetting his loue , and your owne good , bestowed all , and lost all , vpon a ruffling royster ; entertained for the picture of wilfulnesse ; where are you ? when out commeth a creature like a woman , but hanging the head , and wringing the hands , and wiping the eyes , and with a deepe sigh , saying had i wist this would haue falne out : oh , ( well said the old man ) had i wist , another of my ladies fauours , sit of the tother towne , daughter to goodmanne braye-goose , that being brought to good huswife ry , and for a fidlinge humour , will runne from your friendes , and learne a base occupation , shewe the fruit of your frauatle ; when commes me foorth a iolly browne wench , with a face a foote long , a mouth , a yarde wide , a legge , like a mill-post : and a foote , of a giantes last , and with a belly so full , as threatned two twinnes at the least : who holding hir hande on her face , saide : idlenesse , idlenes , it was my vtter ouer throw . true , ( saies hee ) it is enough : idlenes another of my ladies badges : idlenes brings man tonnes , and shame followeth wickednesse , the trulles trenchiuall : well , take yourplace and sit downe . which done , he reades , goodman rableyes of hollow groue , and hobby noble , of lowe crosse , hauing spente the profite of your yarde lands , vppou triall of the right in a hey-cocke , where be you . when out commes twoe countrey people , one with hob-nailde shoes , and the other with a patcht ierkin , and swore , as long as they were woorth a groat , they woulde try the right of the law , i care not i , so i haue my wil , both standing vpon one point : well ( quoth he ) will , it is enough ; a badge of my mistresses , that briedes nothing but woe : makes the lawyers rich , and your selues poore : good fooles ; sit you downe . which done , out comes a gallant , richly apparrelled , but meanely moneyed , who hadde written on his backe , in the midst of my stare . when the olde man writ , pride will haue a fall : a lordshippe on his backe , a huge weight , hee must néeds sinke vnder it . after him followes a fine minion , that made tweny faces , and thirty graces , and had so many merry trickes that she made all the companie laugh : when tripping on the toe , and counterfitting a kinde of lispe , for lacke of sound teethe , she thus made vse of her tongue . oh heauens what a worlde is this ? nothinge but money ? why , is all handsomnes out of fashion ? is beauty at so lowe a price ? a dainesye wench , not woorth the whissting ? is all grasse become hey ? can a dry summer make suche a dearth , that there is no money to be hadde for mowers ? now tie vpon gréene plununes , in troth they make my stomacke wamble : good lord , i haue so sweat , with making me ready , that if it were not for wearines , i would not haue rose before noone : but i haue met with my breakefast : and therefore i may stay my stomacke to dinner : oh the french fail , and the spanish stitch the italian bodies , and the persian skarfe , i hope i will be furnisht to the proofe . and yet , to say troth , i am so fantasticke , that i shall be weary of them al , within a while : heigh-ho : well said sister , ( sayes the old man ) fantasticke : another badge of my ladies ; sit you downe ; which done , came in diuers couples togither , an olde blinde man , and lusty a young wench , and born before them vp in a shielde : a cornucopia : vnder with was written , plenty . next after them an old lame woman , and a nimble young man : and before them borne , a scorpion . ouer which , was written , poyson . then followed a young man , and a young woman , both poore in purse , but in good state of body : and before them borne gemini , and ouer them written , loue. then followed a riche cuckolde , and a poore whore , and borne them aries : and written patience . many other pretty figures there were expressing the meaning of these maskers , which , for lack of a note booke , are suddainlie slipt out of my memorie . but , when this maske had once gone aboute the roome , comes out a foole in a pied coat , and tels them , they must make an ende quickly , and take their places , for the lady was comming , to see an enterlude , and presētly a noise of shames , with an outery of knaues , came out , with such a shoute , that , ( while i looke for some fine matter ) wakt me suddenly out of my sleepe . so that i neuer heard more of any of them , but was euer man so troubled in his sléepe ? wel i was exceedinge glad when i was awake , i was so vvell and safely deliuered out of this pur gatory . why , there cannot be such a thing : and therfore as a dreame , let it passe : and so , hoping that if you note well this dreame , it will doe you no hurte , when you are awake , hoping you will heare with sléepers , if any thing be not as it shoulde be : in some hast about other businesse , i bid you heartily farewel . finis . moriomachia anton, robert, b. or . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) moriomachia anton, robert, b. or . [ ] p. by simon stafford, imprinted at london : . dedication signed: robert anton. a prose satire in english. signatures: a-d⁴ e² . reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - jennifer kietzman sampled and proofread - aptara rekeyed and resubmitted - olivia bottum sampled and proofread - olivia bottum text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion moriomachia . imprinted at london by simon stafford . . to the most happy and gloriovs constellation of brotherhood , together with the trinall knot of the most honourable family of the howards , robert anton sacrificeth this new borne babe of his humble duty , wishing an euerlasting motion of happynes both the them , and that honourable house ( * ⁎ * ) right honourable branches of a fayre and spreading faily , vnder whose shades my best fortunes ruminate , i haue thought good to vnite you all in a whole peece , whom enuious time cannot make marchandise in parcels . ( to conioyne you : ) which to disioyne , were a sinne as deepe as a lawyers pate in terme time , that sings no song but de profundis . i honour that musicall consent of fraternity , and hold it not inferiour to pithagoras his harmony : let this modicum of superfluous minutes craue but the priuiledge of a seruingman , and weare the cloth of your fauour . semel in anno ridet apollo : serious houres and graue designes must needes laugh , and amongst them , my studyes at this time , are turned merry greeke . i writ them in dog dayes , and they must needes bite : but what ? not vertue , not honor , not nobility : but error , ignorance , and that pesthouse of the time ( foppery . ) but what i would speake , silence shall be my attourney , and pleade both for times reformation , and your perpetuall happynesse . your honors deuoted seruant , robert anton. to the vncapable reader . giue place , ass-crapart , start backe , tatifart , colebrond , be a by-stander : for here comes to fight the fayryes faire knight , ycleped pheander , to conquer full soone the man of the moone , sir archmoriander . the truth of which battell , this booke well can that tell to each vnderstander , vnlesse that he be , as some men are , ( wee see ) a goose or a gander . by which his rare workes he giues secret iurkes : he one day shall wander , though yet he priuy lurkes : against the big turkes to be a commaunder . i meane , thou shalt worke-ny to conquer the turke-hy , notorious pheander . vntill when , let no man , of this knight of the § woman , speake euill or slander . ¶ moriomachia . about that time of the yéere , when siluan pan pipes roundelayes , and nimble satyres friske about the timely palmes , old tytan turnd swaggerer , and reueld in the tauernes of the earth so late , that he durst not appeare to a lanthorne , ( fearing the rough examination of a rugged watch , and the dogged authority of a common iaylor ) before the fresh aurora fetcht him foorth with a fiery face , and alayd his high colour with the coole mornings dew . then fayry nymphs turned milke-maydes , and tooke pleasure in dandling the dug . the fayry queene herselfe at that time dispos'd to recreation ( and to try her huswifry ) accompanied her attendant trayne to their accustomed haunt : which was to a rare and delicate pleasure-fitting meddowe , most copious , & neately furnisht with diuers proper bellowing bulls , and many comely courteous gentle cowes , where euery pretty elfe betooke her to her seuerall taske , to prouide milke for ale possets , to welcome home at night their ouerwearyed knights in armes . no arte in armes giues fayry knights content , vnlesse they haue their ladyes sweet consent . the fayry queene not acquainted with such rustick dayry , most vnfortunatly ( but more cockney like ) by chaūce hapned on a meeke and louing bull. shee ( poore lady ) thinking he had bin a reasonable creature , made him lowe cursy , and fayrely intreated him , to yeelde his consent to be quiet and gentle , vntill shee had finisht her milking . and so takes the teate in her slender hand , ( which was somewhat too grosse for her fine fingers , ) shée ( kind madam ) drew many a dry draught . good lady shee did seldome vse to milke , or touch s things as were not clad in silke . the poore vnderstanding beast proud of his milke-mayd , séemed not so much as once to stirre , fearing to hinder what she did intend , but stood most loying and kindly to her . when she began to perceiue her owne mistake , and withal obseruing the strange and vnvsuall curtesie of the beast towards her , she pittyed his present estate , and immediatly called a councell of her nymphs about her , where all generally yéelded their voyces , and concluded , to haue him transformd into the habite and shape of a man , but still to retayne his braue beastly courage , wherwith he might in time ( by the assistance of his starrs ) be ranckt in eminency with the gallant séeming courtyer , the valorous heyre of a gowty vsurer , or at least , with the farmors proper gentleman-like son . and for his qualityes and maners ( hauing so excellent a tutres ) he already was able to kéepe the company of a meere scholler , a bold bayliffe , or a brawny fisted mechanicke : so being prouident of his welfare in pursute of knightly aduentures , she suited him in an asses skinne impenetrable , made after the newest fashion , and intitled him , tom pheander , the mayden knight her champion . the asse did weare a biggin being young , which kept his eares from growing ouerlong . and for that she would at first let him vnderstand the generall dangers of a knight errant , she put him in a weather-beaten barke with totter'd sayles , fraighting it with a whole firkin of valour , and so expos'd him to the sea and fortune , who with the fauourable wind of her fan , droue him with safety vpon the coasts of morotopia , euen at the mouth of a riuer , where grew a goodly viniger tree , which was very sharply besieged with fat & large ourgrowne salmons ( betwéene whom for this long time , hath bin mortall warre , and waste , by fire and knife ) where he so valiantly bestir'd himselfe , that he rays'd the siege , and recouered the trée , which he carefully preserues with a garison of fayryes , by reason of the aboundance of viniger it yéeldes , which he found would be very commodious in his turkish warres , as wel to coole his double dags , as also to make sauce to eate the hearts of all such turkes as he should chance to kill . so trauelling vp into that countrey , as he passed through a uillage , he espyed two men threshing out corne in a barne , which strooke him into amazement , so that hee stood as mute as a politike drunkard , to see them beate one against the other with their flayles ; but taking them to be knights inchaunted , he addressed himselfe towards them , and sayd , fayre knights , remember your selues , and call to mind your former estates , resume your noble spirits , and be not thus ouerborne with nicromanticke spels . one of them looking vp , sayd , honest man , be gon : for thy fole spéeches hinder our worke , and our dame will be very angry , if our dayes taske be not finished at night . ( quoth the fayry champion ) mistake me not , gentle sirs : for fortune hath sent me hyther , to ease and release you both from these magicall charmes , if i may but see or speake with that damn'd magician . mary sir , my dame and marian are both within , and marian is euen iust now a charming : and if you will go in & speake with her , you shall . ( quoth the fayry champion ) with all my heart . so in he leades him to the milke-house , where marian was charming butter . as soone as he espied her , he sayd , aha , haue i found thée at thy charme , thou fowle inchauntresse ? i speake to thee that keepest knights in seruile slauery . i le dissolue your charmes and circles , your inuocations and incantations : and so takes the charme & cheesefats , and throwes them about the house . which marian séeing , she cryed out for helpe , to saue her from the madde man : when presently one of the seruants of the house came with a cudgell , and there began a fearefull fray . why dost thou beate this courteous knight , thou swayne ? chud ha him catch his ( woodcocke ) wit againe . but marian , like a wise stickler or moderator , reconciled them with a composition of sowre whay , where each dranke to other , and so parted louing friends . now being in a strange countrey , and altogether vnacquainted with the wares and passages , or how to bend his course , straggling here and there ( the weather being exceeding hot , and he extreme thirsty ) at length hée enquired of haruest people , intreating their directions where he might get drinke : who very courteously shewed him a playne beaten way , leading to a noblemans house not farre off . the fayry champion put on a bold sharpe face , went to the noblemans house , and desired the butler to giue him a cup of his giuing drinke . but the butler ( as the custome is ) churlishly denyed him , and bid him be gone , for that he had not any charity , much lesse commission , to giue any thing to such an able wandering fellow as hee was , bidding him go looke for worke amongst haruest folkes , and take paynes for his liuing . whereupon the fayry champion , like a valiant sturdy begger , tooke the butler by the braines , & dasht his heeles against the wall , made corkes to stop ale-bottles of his bones , & threw them into his buttery , for al succeeding butlers ( that were not boon cōpanions ) to , take example . he tooke his braines from foorth his head before , else sore kibe-heeles , perhaps , had made him rore . so he dranke vp all the beere in the buttery , before he could quench his intolerable thirst : for the house was not then so well furnisht as at other times , by reason there was no houshold : for the lord and his lady were gone vp to moropolis to take phisicke , & see the newest fashion at court. thus he procéeded on his intended iourney , and after hee had gone twenty miles or thereabouts , he began to finde a fainting in himselfe , and felt his guts shrinke together like burnt parchment , yet he tooke as good courage as necessity vseth to driue men to , in such a case , and ere long , by good hap he espied not farre off , a very fayre new built house , with many goodly turrets and battlements , and whole clusters of chimneyes more then néede required , for that he could not see any vse of those that were néedfull , in regard there was not any tobacco stirring amongst them , which argued there was but little good fellowship : therefore his heart waxed cold ; yet he went and knockt at the gate , but all in vaine : for there was not any within to giue him answere , but onely spyders : for all the rats and mice were eyther gone , or else staru'd with that extreame dearth . o champion fayre , what ill did thee befall , to be deceiu'd ? it was no hospitall . it fortuned , as he was thus standing at the gate , a husbandman of a néere neighbouring village , came by and asked the fayry champion what he would haue there . sir , qd . the fayry champion , i am a traueller without money , and altogether without any acquaintance , but onely hunger and thirst , & this place afarre off promised reliefe to such wantfull trauellers as i am . o zur ( quoth the husbandman ) the see how you ma be desseyu'd : but come and goe along with me , to such vittles as old madge my wife has puruided vor my dinner , and c ham suer yée shall be welcome to hur with all hur heart . sir ( quoth the fayry champion ) i rest much bound to your loue , and will imbrace your kind offer to go along with you . the honest playne countrey man in charity milde , tooke vp at the gate , this poore fatherlesse child . but i pray , sir , tell me : what gentleman owes this faire house where you found me knocking ? ( quoth the husbandman ) zuerly sur , he is no gentleman , vor he is a knight , and my londlord too , mary , and now both he and my londlady lye in the zitty , a vollowing a lawing matters , and they zay a haz zitch an intercate troubling vowle zute , t is a shame to zée it , and that it is great chance whether a conere get out on 't or no : vor a has not bene here in our countrey this tweluemoneth and more , burlady , come the time : but i wudd to god a were here vor me , vor we miste a great deale of good cheare , and dauncing , and sport at kursmas , zince my old lond-lord his vather dyed . well , god rest his zoule , vor a was the best hondler of a long whip in all our countrey : nay i may tell you , a has not left his mate behind him : and cham zore a veard we zhall nere ha zuch another man as he was , vor a wud be zo yarly vp a mornings to vother his zhéepe himzelfe , as t was wondervull : and lord , a wud tell zich a company of old vables , a mon wudd be the better to be in his company . chée ha heard him zay , that his vather turn'd him out a doores when a was a little boy , to zéeke his vortunes , with one poore single groat , all in three hapences , in his purse : but by my vaith chée know not how a got it : but c ham zuer a dyed a mizerable rich mon. i wonder ( quoth the fayry champion ) much , that your land-lord being no gentleman , could come to be a knight ! ( quoth the husbandman ) chee ha oftentimes heard him zay , that it cost him well and vanordly vor it , i may tell you . when the fayry champion vnderstood , there were more wayes then one to attaine to a knightship , he held himselfe in the most fortunatest place of the earth ; for in the fayry land they onely haue it by desert : & on the sudden he grew to such an excéeding height of ambition , that with all haste he would be gone , and to that purpose tooke leaue of the husbandman , who ( as it appeared ) was high constable of the hundred , by reason he went to the parish clarke , & caused him to make a passe for the security of tom pheander the fayry champion in his trauels , wherein he charged all the petty constables within the hamlets of his hundred , to ayde and resist the fayry champion against any one whatsoeuer , that should séeme to stay , defend , or any way distribute him in his iourney , but suffer him to passe quietly without any of their tolerations . and although the pasport was written by the hand of an old wood-hen , ( one would haue thought ) if hennes had had hands , yet the countenance of a magistrates hand at it bore it out , & made it carry meate in the mouth . so he thanked him for all his good chéere and much kindnes , and departed in pursute of the fortunes he aymed at , which was to be a knight at the least . when he began to come néere the heart of the iland , hée heard of the rich and flourishing city of moropolis ; thitherward he repayred with what expedition he could deuise , and drawing within sight of it , he met in the way a proper tall trading gentlewoman , set out after the finest fashion of new deuices , with a white loose body in a straight blacke gowne , hooped about with the flexible bones of a slender whale : the crowne of her cap was so déepe in band , that it durst not scarce peepe out to be seene : her maske came downe to the tippe of her nose , and her chin tyed vp with a lac'd clout ( or handkercher , ) as if shee were iawe-falne . her obsequious vsher , was a little leane fellow , with a fayre smooth cloake , whose fine threed was not ashamed to shew it selfe to the vttermost : by his side he wore a long sword , which was so quarrelsome , that it would draw vpon any thing it me withall : for the chape was worne out in drawing on the ground , not much vnlike a munkey going vpright on his hinder legges , drawing his tayle after him . you do not much in your simile fayle : for he was an vsher vnto a wagtayle . this sir pandarus , was vshering his lumpe of foode and rayment , three miles from the city , towards the diseased broken chambers in a brothell , to giue méeting with the wise profuse first fruits ( or heyre ) of a rich broker , whose extorting intrest money did so trouble the vse of his memory , at the very last houre of his death , that he dyed without bequeathing the least sparke of wit to his soone , amongst his great patrimony ; for he had not the time to remember the least colledge of poore schollers , nor the meanest hospitall of diseased people . he might haue left something , although but little , to cure his sonnes diseases in a spittle . this parcell of sinne , going towards the place of action , to meete her money-paramour , had an izeland dogge newly shorne , which was going along with her , and being in the fields , the dog fetch 't his courses to and againe afarre off , so that she was fearefull of losing him , and with a loud shrill voice , she called him by the name of lyon. which the fayry champion hearing , and withall séeing the dog runne towards her , he thought she had cryed out to saue her from the lyon , and therefore drew his sword , and spéedily ranne to ayde the ouerpressed virgin , according to the othe and office of an arrant knight . when tom pheander espy'd this dogged lion , he drew his sword , and ran , till he was ny on . and comming to her , he sayd , feare not , fayre swéeting , the outrage of this cruell rauening beast : for i will keepe you from any euill whatsoeuer may betyde you , that hereafter , historyographers shal , romanlike , stuffe out my valiant acts , with the bumbast of their perpetuall inkhornes . the dog comming néere her , began to leape and fawne , and lickt her hand : which the fayry champion seeing , sayd , now do i well perceiue , that you are a most spotlesse miraculous mayde : for that you are armed with the armour of pure honesty , against the insatiety of this all-deuouring caniball . pheander shewed his iudgement was but poore , to call her mayd , that was a common ( ) although he spoke seriously to his owne vnderstanding , thinking indéed it had bin a lyon : yet she ( who scorned the name of a mayd at those yeres ) thought ( as well she might ) that he had laughed her to scorne , & derided her with scoffes ; and therefore with her hand , she suddenly basht him on the lips , that the very bloud sprang from his teeth : which flirt he accepted as a token of great fauour from her bounteous fist , and with his handkercher spung'd the blood from his mouth , which he sayd he would kéepe as a perpetuall remembrance , giuen by the hand of a faire vertuous virgin . with which spéeches she grew so excéeding angry , and was so highly incensed against him , that she commanded sir panderus to set vpon him with his long sword : which he refused to doe , being daunted with the feare of hauing his profession questioned . a guilty conscience sometimes keepes in awe that thing , which else would not be curb'd by law . the fayry champion séeing there were no further aduētures , fitting the worths of a knight errant , he quietly departs , & addresses himselfe into that much renowned city of moropolis , where he purposed to spend some time about the city , to learne a generous carriage of himselfe : and , for that he would auoyde to be déemed an intelligencer to some forrayne state , he altogether abandoned ord'naryes , and tauernes , and would not at any time séeme to intrude himselfe into the company of those that vnderstood much , but tooke a poeticall sculler , ( whose swift muse borrowed the poets pretty nagge pegasus to ride poste : and comming short of his iourney , he brought him home pittyfully spur-gal'd ) and so crost the water to visit the beares , and puppet playes , the tall dutchman , the woman tumbler , the dead skin of a strange liuing fish , the calfe with two heads , whose two mouthes had deuoured more hay , then his one stomacke could disgest , so that it lyes yet in his belly as fresh , as when he first eate it , without putrifaction , as may be seene . hee likewise noted a very strange thing , which was , a blind man led through euery street of moropolis by a staffe , which had eaten so much garlicke , that he could follow it by the smell . and truely , many more great obseruations he had gotten from amongst the motion-mongers of niniuy and babylon , so that now hee had sufficient experience to mayntayne an argument by parrattisme after dinner or supper , with such ord'nary company , as vse to make great talke of their small trauels . as their iourney by land from burmooda to tunis , and their voyage by sea , o're the alpes to venice . and now hauing furnished himselfe with some reasonable store of coyne , which he had wonne at the excellent , and most ingenious games of pigeon-holes , and trap , he put his fortunes on towards the morotopian court , where it pleased the pages of the nobility to do him much fauour , and the ladyes to grace him with the honour of knightshéepe . the lady layd the sword vpon his shoulder : he arose , and swore to beate her foes to poulder . for which he was ( anabaptistically ) created or nominated ( at thyrty yéeres of age ) sir tom pheander , the mayden knight , or fayry champion , otherwise , the knight of the sun , otherwise , the knight of the burning pestle . and but that he was most notoriously knowne to be a meere naturall subiect , the mutiplicity of his names & additions might haue brought him in suspition , to be apprehended for some seducing spye , or at least , a knight of the poste . when the fayry quéene vnderstood by the inuisible attendant , which shée sent with him in his trauels , of his grace in court with lords , his sometimes desired company of ladyes , and the generall loue and laughter of his iollity , and naturall conceits from the vulgar , he oftentimes shewed good pastime of body : the whole globe did thinke him a counterfet noddy . she foorthwith prouided him a rich coate-armour inchaunted , which had these propertyes : that whatsoeuer he was ( at any time ) that put it on his backe , should not néede to feare any terryble thing whatsoeuer , vnder the degree of a crabtrée cudgell , & whensoeuer he should looke in a glasse , with the helmet on his head , he should be instantly so wise , that he should be for that time alwayes opposite to a foole . this coate-armour was of a singular proofe , checkerd motley , vert and argent , party per pale , ribd with rowes of gules and or ▪ from the very gorget to the skirts . the helmet was of the same , on which was a deuice of foure faces , resembling the foure windes . in the midst of those faces were rays'd little mounts , appearing like noses , on which stood pretty conceited windmills , which in the going made as pleasant a soūd , as curious fawlcons bells . on the crest was aduaunced the necke , head , & combe , of a bloudy crested cocke , betokening true valour euen after death . wit eb'd from his noddle like floods from a rocke , which made her prouide him the combe of a cocke . this complete coate-armour was committed by the fayry queene vnto the trust and care of madame moriana ( a fayry lady ) to be with all spéedy expedition conuayde to her worthy merry champion , the ( now ) knight of the sunne . madame moriana séemed to hasten , and with all possible spéed dispatched messengers with the greatest expedition that might be , and ( lady-like ) made a goodly shew of that shee neuer purpos'd , giuing the messenger direction to hasten to the morotopian court , and there enquire after one sir archmoriander dunce-ll dell cinthya , the knight of the moone , her knight , to whom true reason had farre ingag'd hor loue and due respect , in fréeing her from the outrage of andromago a monstrous , strong and terrible little gyant : and thus it was . madame moriana , vpon a time , walking in an euening ( as the custome is in fayry land ) downe in a greene valley , wherein nature had seated a most pleasant groue , so fit for priuate recreation and delightful excercise that arte it selfe could not deuise a more curious frame : thither she often walked without neglect , or missing the least minute of her accustomed houre , who ( by her often recourse thither ) was espied by andromago , a mighty huge and chollericke pigmey gyant . he was a full halfe yard broad betwixt the eyes , and almost eightéene ynches by the rule ( wanting but the breadth of a super-fine wyer ) from the crowne to the héele , and the rest of his body proportionable accordingly . this monstrous grim-looking gyant , knowing moriana's vsuall houres of resort to the groue , ambushed himselfe in a very great thicket , ( in the middle way ) growing on the side of a high cloud-pearcing mole-hill . the fashion of the countrey is , that the nobles and gentry of ancient houses , haue their armes portrayed in a small escuchion , which they euermore beare before them , to the end they may be knowne from priuate persons , and that the thronging multitude may giue way , when they approach neere ; whereas otherwise , they could not haue that due respect which belongs to them , in regard it is a warlike nation , and subiect to insurrections : therefore for that they may be euer in a readynes vpon any domestick warre , all go ready arm'd with maskes and mufflers . now had andromago the gyant , with his fawchion , lopt downe the great arme of an eglentine trée , where hee ( salisberry playne like ) looked through , to sée the passing by of moriana , whom at length he espyed comming alone afarre off , towards her wonted place of recreation . and drawing néere within the apprehension of his eye , he was well assured it was she , and knew her by the escuchion she caryed before her , wherein was charged in chiefe , a halfe moone gules , in a iagged cloud sables , and the lower ( or backe ) charge was , thrée drops or , vnder a fess argent . this coate she gaue , which was the most ancientst in al the fayry land , and euer continued hereditary to the heyres female of that house . when she was come néere the thicket , andromago watched his fit opportunity , and suddenly rushed out like a snake from a hedge , leaping thirty ynches by the rod , and caught her in his armes , and with very ioy of his prey , ror'd like a bull of eight dayes old , this hideous yell so affrighted the poore lady , that she was euer after troubled with a kind of falling sicknesse . so leading her along as his prisoner , towards a castle he had not farre off , which was double grated with huge iron barres , not much vnlike the mighty strong baracadoed windowes of a monstrous ouergrowne mouse-trap : wherein he had imprisoned many ancient tooth-wanting ladyes , and fed them with nothing but hard candied sweete-meates , and the sowrest iuyce of the sweetest grape . it was sr. archmorianders good hap , to take his way through the fayry land , homewards from his trauels , who had bene amongst the barbarous brasillians , to sée the fashion of the countrey , & also to learne the nature of the people , by a most happy chance , he met the poore captiu'd lady , led by the hand of his vgly monster , who was néere as high as the ladyes girdle , which compast her delicate waste seuen times , besides the knot . the sudden appearance of the gyant to sir archmoriander ( for he had neuer séene in all his trauels and aduentures the like creature before ) stroke him into such a shaking palsey , that he could very hardly stand still on his legs , yet he tooke an indifferent strong heart , and addressed himselfe towards the gyant , with a swéete quauering voice , saying : thou most monstrous and huge diminitiue of nature , which hast alwayes bene an enemy to ladyes , i aduise thée surrender thy prisoner into my hands , or else by the light of this marshall hand , thou shalt well vnderstand the price of her : for thou hast done her such skuruy paltry wrongs , as thy weake state cannot counteruayle to make her satisfaction ; for reason induces my worthy selfe to wey both your causes in my vpright ballance of vnequity . andromago staring at sir archmoriander , like a wild goose , ready to fly vpon , sayd , thou foolish knight , thinkest thou i will so easily part with the thing i haue so long stood and wayted for ? no ; i aduise thée be gone , or else i will wyther thy very face , and confound thy smelling sence with my breath : for i scorne to stand to thy vnequall chaundlers weights . the gyants threats could not discourage sir archmoriander one iot more then he was before , ( although surely the giants breath was very strong , by reason he was so short wasted , and his two ends were so néere neighbours , that their friendshipp were alike , and the one did participate the others strength and sauour ) but sir archmoriander well backt with hope to winne the ladyes fauour , and his affection to iustice , made him looke so néere to his busines in hand , as an old purblinde counceller ( or rather concealer ) whose veluet ierkin is sufficient to make a iustice of peace without a commission , that will not suffer the smallest caracter of a fault to runne at randome vnpunished : but binds it fast in recognizance , to receiue eyther corporall or pecunier punishment . euen so he consideratly bare in mind the execution of some seuers iustice vpon a homicide , and with warme courage betooke him to his sword ; which andromago perceiuing , he likewise prouided to defend himselfe against his aduerse assaylant . the iustices law did so assist his clyent , as morianders sword , the lady from the gyant . sir archmoriander , in the first encounter , had made an end of the fight before they began , but that ( being mad with fury ) he mist the gyant , and runne the poynt of his sword into the ground . andromago ( léering like a sargeant ) espyed that aduantage ( seeing him tugging to pull it foorth againe ) omitted no time , but aduanc'd his club , and with one blow pasht sir archmorianders head all into a lumpe : which euer after looked like a beetle : so that afterwards , when he came to be drest , the surgeons opinion was , that he was very likely to carry that marke to his graue . but sir archmoriander recouered himselfe so well as he could , and turned about as swift as a windmill sayle in a hot summers day , ( with strong agility of body , and resolution withall , to giue a finall period to the battayle ) and most valiantly vntrussed his poynts , put off his doublet , snatcht vp his breeches by the sides , and with his sword cut off the gyants right hand , so that it onely hung by the very bare bone and sinewes . with this blow , andromagoes club fell out of his hand : which sir archmoriander suddenly tooke aduantage of by closing with him ▪ and with a nimble strength threw him flat on the earth with as much facility , as if the gyant had bene a childe of two yéeres old . sir moriander cut the gyant on the hand , and hurt his little toe , he could not stand . the lady moriana standing by all the time of the fight , perplexed with an extreame feare of danger , and now séeing a hope of victory attend her champion , shée began to take comfort in a pretty medley , betweene weeping and laughing . sir archmoriander hauing gotten andromago vnder him , lay vpon him with such a heauy weight , and pressed him so sore , that till then , andromago felt not sir archmorianders heauy displeasure fall vpon him : which caused andromago to cry out to the lady , for pardon , and craued mercy of sir archmoriander , with a great shew of sorrow , for the excéeding iniurious wrongs offered to the lady , and the heauy vnsufferable iniuryes intended against sir archmoriander : all which was now fallen vpon himselfe , and the burden did much bruise his conscience . upon this submission , with penitency for his faults , sir archmoriander most honourably ( befitting his worth ) cut off his head , & set it on his doublet brest ( where a button was lost in this fray ) wearing it in token of his valour and victory , and so set him at liberty to go whither he would . although the gyant would haue giuen a groate , yet moriander vow'd , to see his naked throate . sir archmoriander hauing thus freed the lady moriana from the outrage of andromago , hee went to comfort her , who was then suddenly falne into a déepe passion of sadnes . swéete madam ( quoth he ) you see your dangerous enemy héere lye slaine : therefore , fayre lady , i much scorne your thoughts should be possest with any future feare . let me be the example of your courage , to take a strong heart , and valiantly beare vp your escuchion and armes without feare : for vnder your coate will i fight , whilest i can sland or breathe : for nature hath taught man to be an agent euen to brute animals , much more to fayre ladyes , as for example : the heauy oxe , hee lightens with the goade ; the sullen horse , he quickens with the spurre ; and the melancholy dull lady , he stirrs vp to mirth , with the pricke of witty inuention from a good brayne . at these pretty similes moriana smiled , and bid him knéele downe , taking his sword , which was yet bloudy with cutting the gyants throate , and layd it on his shoulder , bidding him rise vp , sir archmoriander , otherwise , dunce-ll dell cinthya her knight of the moone , ( dubbing him in the ordure of the escuchion she bore , and intitling him by her halfe moone ) which bargayne he seal'd with his lips , on the backe of her hand , with a smacking impression , and kindly sayd , fare you well , sweete lady , and so departed . moriana thus was freed from the gyant , and gaue him thanks , with tongue which went most plyant . this well deserued affection from moriana to sir archmoriander , possest him with the armour , which of right belong'd to the knight of the sunne , when he ( as many gallants vse ) neglected not the least opportunity that occasion could minister , to crake and bragge of his mistris fauours most , when ( if truth had béene knowne ) they least concern'd him . sir tom pheander , the knight of the sunne , had a vision , wherein he had intelligence of a coate-armour , that was sent vnto him by the fayry queene , which coate-armour was likewise shewed to him in this dreame , whereof he tooke especiall obseruation for the markes and tokens , so that hee could not fayle in the challenging of it . it was likewise told him in this vision , that moriana , a fayry lady , had most trecherously betrayde it into the hands of the knight of the moone , who wrongfully delaynde it from him . sir pheander had the armour shewed in vision , which made him hold moriander in derision . this vision put the knight of the sunne into such a passion of anger , that like a foolish mad man he tore his hayre , and vowed a reuenge against the knight of the moone , which he should be well assured to heare of , and hastens with all spéed towards the court , to sée whether he could méete with his iniurious aduersary . that very morning the knight of the moone was ready armed in the knight of the sunnes armour , and almost vpō taking horse , to ryde abroad for some strange aduentures , euen at the instant , when the knight of the sunne came to court. archmoriander was arm'd , i know not how , to ride abroad to slay the sauage sowe . and méeting the knight of the moone , he was well assured ( calling his memory to aduise , and summoning the remembrance of the markes ) that it was his armour : therefore he stept to the knight of the moone , and sayd , sir knight , my simple opinion cannot iudge any of your actions lesse then abominable honest , yet this coate-armour ( and clapt him on the shoulder ) belongs to me , although you most ignobly detayne it from mee , yet i am sure t is my right , and by cockes and combes ( the badge of my honour ) i looke to haue it . the knight of the moone , thinking that he had struckē him in earnest , most valiantly blurted out his tongue , and bade him come by it how he could . this now likely to grow to a dangerous quarrell , the freinds of both parts vsed their mediations , and perswaded them to haue the matter put to arbittermēt , and not fight , or go to lawe like brabbling fooles , which arrest one another for moone-shine in water : and so with much adoe they both yéelded to haue the matter decided by two indifferent honest men . so they were both bound , each to other in generall acquittances of a hundred pounds a péece : and the knight of the moone vnarm'd himselfe , and deliuered the coate-armour and helmet , ( as he was inioyned ) into the custody of the arbitrators then chosen , which were two headborrowes of a hamlet neere adioyning to the city moropolis : the one had no wit , the other had no land , but botcht vp his liuing by patching with holland . these headborrowes being altogether vnskilfull in deciding controuersies of such nature , retaynde a common lawyer , as an vmpeere to assist them . the lawyer , when he had séene the coate-armour , tooke a very great liking to it , insomuch that he purpos'd to giue the two knights satisfaction by money , and kéepe the armour to himselfe , if it would fit his body ( although his conscience told him it belong'd but to one , yet he would please both parties to serue his owne turne . so putting it on to try the fitnes , he felt it giue him such a shrewde pinch in the gues , ( by reason it was too little ) that he could neuer after graze any where , but on bare commons . o gaffer lawyer , stay , how do you looke ? sir pheander will note downe your name in his book . so the lawyer séeing his purpose preuented by misfortune , and no benefit like to rise towards himselfe , he would take no further paynes in the busines , but left it to the discretion of the two headborrowes : who now hauing the whole and absolute power of determining the cause , and withall the coate-armour in their owne hands , they made no great haste to beate their heads together about an award , but ( like subtill foxes ) made good vse of the armour for the most part of their whole yéere , to watch and ward in , and ( hauing learned a tricke of the lawyer , ) fed the two knights with delayes , till their owne turnes were serued , and in the end , ( because neyther of them could write or read ) they return'd an ignoramus . when the matter was vnderstood to bée so difficult , that such understanding men ( as they were taken to be ) could not decyde the controuersie , it was held fit , that they should try out their owne rights in single combate , by reason both challeng'd with like proofes , and the one would not indure the other , to bee riuall in eythers absolute right : where indéed , necessity admits no plurality in such a case . you say very true , the weather growes hot : and two fooles at once were too much in one coate . the day for combate was appoynted , and the two combatants had warning giuen them , to prouide themselues sufficiently for the mayntenance of their iust claymes . now does the knight of the sunne lye ruminating euery night , tossing and tumbling in his bed without sléepe , bethinking himselfe ( being of a timorous nature ) what the issue of this dangerous quarrell may come to , and ( oftentimes ) heartily wished , he had neuer challeng'd so worthy a knight , for so small a trifle . on the contrary part , the knight of the moone séemed to be very vnwilling to expose his body to such an eminent danger , especially against a knight of his owne order , but rather could wish him to sléepe in peace , till he did awake him , which he would not do for a world ; but that his knight-sheeps word was so farre ingag'd . alas , poore knights , i much bewayle their case , to see how meager both looke in the face . the knight of the sunne armed himselfe in a new white armour , which he neuer tryed before , and ( for decencyes sake ) went into his chamber , to his looking glasse , to sée how his armour did fit and become him , and finding it to his liking , he called his page , and asked his opinion . the page answered , that the armour did not fit or become him , in his opinion . ( quoth the knight of the sunne ) no , my pretty page ? why , the glasse in my chamber tels me , it is very proportionable and fit . sir , beléeue not the glasse , ( quoth the page ) for the knquish opticke made it to reflect many faire figures on fowle faces , and they will flatter many , and make them séeme farre better then they are . but , master , content your selfe : for you looke very well , especially when your beuer is close lockt , that a man cannot sée your face . which answers pleased the knight so , that he rested passing well contented . but now the time is come , and the combatants ready to enter the lists . soft , who comes heere ? i pray can you tell ? the knight of the sunne , what can you not smell ? first came in the knight of the sunne , richly acowterd in a white armour , adorn'd with a white and azure plume in the crest , with blacke beaten buckrum bases , glistering like the purest blacke iet , beautyfied all ouer with paynted deuices of sunnes and starres . iacke ( towering ) daw that tops the lofty tree , on a swines backe , sits not so vpright as hee . on eyther side were emblemes of t p k , figured in escuchions , farre more fayre then the shelfe-clothes in a new grocers shoppe . direct before him , at his saddle pummell , hung a battle-axe , which had endured the brunt of many a deepe danger , shadowed vnder the mystery of a burning pestle , flaming out of a common morter , most artificially wrought in naturall colours vpon holland . by his side was clasped a dangerous payre of hangers , wherein was wrought with subtill imbrodery , of mosse and peacocks feathers , a landskipp of strong grated castles , high growne woods , and large fieldes of hempe : in which hung a sword wrought with such cunning , that a man could very hardly iudge which end should hang downwards . in his hand he carried a proper tall slender lawnce , so straight as a bent-bow , ( against which , the knight of the moone did except , fearing to be ouer-reacht with a crooked measure ) and it was so sharpe at the end , that it would sticke to a coate of stéele like a piercing burre . he was mounted on a browne-bay courser , of such a strange vnderstanding , that he would apprehend more then himselfe could deuise to teach him . the horses wit did worke , as i suppose , ouer the tubbe , and barme dropt from his nose . for when he but presented his foote to the stirrop , he would stand so gentle as a blocke : but being vp and surely seated , one very whiske of a birch rod would make him fling out his héeles like a schoole-boy , and runne with such swiftnes , and wonder full spéde , that the very stuffing of his head would drop out at his nose like turpentine . the caparisons of his horse were of the same péece that his bases were of , and wrought all ouer with rich colours of painted néedleworke : which made a more delightfull shew , then the braue buceplialus of a whitsontide lord in his morrice daunce . hee had such small spurres , that a man could very hardly discerne the rowels : for they were no bigger then the little fore whéeles of a small ordinary coach. † his rowels bore compasse , extending so farre , he looke like a carter , with whip , horse and car. before him was carryed by strength of man , a morall deuice of wind-instruments , figuring a man troubled with the wind-chollicke , which could neyther haue ease , or take pleasure , till he heard the wind breake from him with a melodious sound . these instruments in the fayry land , are called poke-whistles ; but héere , the vulgar most deprauingly doe giue them the playne attribute of bagpipes . at length his sullen pipes began to squeake : to saue his breech , he did alight to leake . on eyther side went a squire in the habite of turkes , with red turbants on their heads , wreath'd about with white shashes , and trunchions in their hands , betokening bandettors , or sturdy high-way standers , captiu'd to the mercy of his victorious sword . he was come into the lists , ( i meane not , of thréed-bare broade cloth , ) and had ridden so often about , to shew himselfe to the people , that it would haue tyr'd a horse , before the other combatant came in . but hee is not long that comes at last . then came in the knight of the moone , making no great shew , who was likewise in a milke white armour newly scowr'd : he bare a plume in his crest , as white as a goose feather , signifying his innocence ( for that the lady moriana was neuer had before any iustice , to be examined how she came by the armour , nor did the messengers that brought it , acquaint him that it did belong to the knight of the sunne . ) he had party colour'd silke bases of a rich mercers stuffe , but the name i doe not well know . his sword and launce were pattern'd by the knights of the sunne . his horse was blacke , and so frée-spirited , that hee rid him without spurres . he came in , like a plaine ordinary knight without attendants , saue onely his horse — had rich trappings . sir moriander's come , grim look't , as sharp as vargis , without attendants ▪ fie vpon this charges . a brother of their order , hearing of this combate , made his personall appearance , with a blue flat cap , wherein stucke a feather-bush , of all the colours in the rainebow . he had a déepe ruffe band with wide sets , so great , as if the lawndresse had mistaken the steele , and poak't it with the band-blocke . it bare a circumference like the whéele of a brewers dray-cart . he had a long dropping nose , like the pipe of a still , to which , his leane chin , in curtesie ( turned backwards ) to giue méeting halfe way , at the signe of the mouth . no iesting foole , but a playne dealing lad , that speakes his mind , be it good or bad . at his sudden comming in , the two knights stomacks began to rise ( but not at one another ) for they thought he had brought a calues head & bacon ( in a § charger vpon his shoulders ) couered with a blue ( ‡ chinay ) dish , and a § bunch of reddish : but it fell out otherwise : for he came like a voluntary trumpet , at his owne proper costs and charges , to sound the terrible alarum . he blew allarme , so sweete as any figges : which pleas'd the eares , as iewes loue rosted piggs . so taking his cow-trumpet from about his necke , he soūded a charge : which the two knights hearing , they put on couragiously , with as swift speed as their horses could goe , to the very shocke , where both their horses most vnfortunately started off so farre , that the one could not come neere to touch the other with his launce , and running out their full caréere , the knight of the moone , for want of spurres , could not stay his horse , which put him in such a madde standing choller , that he forgot to beare vp the poynt of his launce , in somuch that the burre had like to light vpon the skirts of some of the standers by , and made them cry , beshrewe them that beare burres . the knight of the sunne ( premeditating the danger , and withall respecting the meanest subiects safety , as also his owne ) most grauely let fall his launce , and tooke hold of the saddle pummell with one hand , and checkt in his courser with the other , so fiercely & short , that he made a sudden stand , in lesse then a quarter of an houre , to the great pleasure , and wonderfull applause of all the beholders . in the second course , the knight of the moone vsed his launce for a iacobs staffe , and winking with one eye , tooke the iust height of the knight of the suns brest , to which height , he most politikely glided his launce , all along on the top of the barre , the whole careere to the very shocke , where ( by great chaunce ) he broke his staffe with such a counterbuffe , that the knight of the sunne was halfe way behind the saddle , before he could catch hold of his horses mayne , which otherwise had kist his tayle to the very ground but his sure hold so nimbly recouered him , that he brake his launce athwart the knight of the moones brest with such fury , that the knight of the moone was extremely troubled with the passion of the heart : wherewith he was so grieued , that the next course he was fully resolued , to seale the knight of the sunne his quietus est . and for that purpose , he called for a stiffe launce , with a full resolue , eyther to breake the knight of the suns backe , or at least , to dismount him ouer his horses crooper . the launce was deliuered to him , which was a great deale too big for the graspe of his hand , and therefore he put it vnder his arme , and tooke fast hold with both his hands on the pummell of the saddle : and running his full course , he hit the knight of the sunne , against the thumbe of his gauntlet , which beat backe the launce quite from vnder his arme , and withall , neere turnd the knight of the moone out of his saddle to the ground , but that the buckle of a girt catcht hold of his bases , and so sau'd his honour from the dust . but recouering himselfe , and halfe mad with fury , he ranne his horse about to the same side of the barre , where the knight of the sunne was , and most cowardly ( against the law of legges ) set vpon the knight of the sunne , with both his armed fists , when the knight of the sunne had nothing in the world to defend himselfe , but his sword and launce ( which he so dearely loued ) that he carefully preserued it from breaking that course . in this their last course of tilting , the very dregges of their malice began to appeare , & therefore they were resolued to runne no more , but to try it out with their single swords at the barriers . so both of them drew , and layd on such heauy loade , that the very fire it selfe did not dare to appeare from their valiant swords , for feare of being quencht with the drops of sweate , that fell from their knight-sheepes hyde-bound faces . in this conflict they were both so farre spent and tir'de , as euer was hackney horse vnder prodigall citizen , and the pride of their eager swords ( now hauing their bellyes full ) were so rebated , that neyther of them would bite : and therefore ( like old ouerworne seruingmen , whose prime of youth was spent in their masters seruice ) had at last both their coates pul'd ouer their eares , & dismissed their masters seruice without wages . the knights of the sunne and moone now being both on foote , made a pawse to breathe themselues , staring in opposition one against the other , with full bigge faces swolne with anger , foming or slauering at the mouth , like two sucking sauage bores , whetting their tushes against a dugge . and on a sudden they closde together , and so fell to wrastling , to trye their strength of armes : but the knight of the moone ( being the elder courtyer ) was too cunning for him in the gripe , and threw him downe , but so , as both were downe together , and the knight of the sunne vndermost , which seemed ominous , portending strange things to come . why is it so darke ? that i can tell soone : the knight of the sun is the man in the moone . the ( knight of the ) sunne , and the ( knight of the ) moone , continuing thus in coniunction , caused such an eclipse , as hath seldome béene mentioned in any hystories of your greatest ( almanacke ) writers for the interposition of the body of the ( knight of the ) moone , did so darken and obscure the light of the ( knight of the ) sun : that it made a pitch-blacke darke day , and wrought such confusions and mistakings on earth , by reason of the darkenes , that in moropolis , where the houses stood thicke , one honest citizen could very hardly sée another , without the helpe of lanthorne light . he was a happy man that could kéepe his wife to himselfe , for feare of losing her : for many wiues tooke other men in their husbands stead , for want of light . it was so extreame darke , that collectors for the poore could not see to distribute the monyes , gathered to charitable vses , but were glad to put it vp in their owne purses , and imploy it to their owne vses till this eclipse was past . the poore constables were glad to take money of malefactors to buy them fire-light , to sée the peace kept , whereas oftentimes before , many of them were forsworne , by reason they could not sée to bring in true presentments . the lawyers could not sée their briefes , not to make so much as one motion for his ( rich oppressing ) clyent , without three double fees for his motion & torch-light : but for his poore client , if his cause were good , his charge of torch-light was saued , by the presence of angels . and although attournyes swarm'd like the grashoppers in egypt , yet they kept so close , and were so hard to be seene , ( by reason of this darknes ) that a man could very hardly haue any one appeare , not scarce for ten groats . the fogging solliciter could not see to follow a cause , as in honesty he ought , but neglected the busines of him that first retayn'd him , & for want of candle-light , tooke fées of the contrary party , which ( after the eclipse was past ) came to light , and he called coozening knaue for his labour , though sore against his will. in this darke eclipse , the bankrupt could not sée to pay his debts : but his creditors were glad to grope out halfe a crowne in the pound , and thanke him for it . the miserable iewish vsurer would not be at charge , for so much light as would search the odde corners of his counting-house , to find out , and deliuer vp morgages of land , and old bonds that were formerly payd : but put off the debtors with releases , and acquittances , with hope that time might neglect them , or cast them aside to be los● : then would he but forsweare the payment , and all is his owne . the extorting broker , ( that suckes the very marrow from the bones , worse then the fowle disease ) for want of candle-light , could not sée the deuill at his elbow with one pawe on his shoulder , ready to teare in in a thousand péeces , for oppressing the poore pawning borrower with threescore in the hundred , and in missing but one houre of his pay-day , he should be sure to lose more , then thrice the value he borrowed . some wicked mothers , after they came home from their reuelling cheere and musike , for want of candle-light , became bawdes euen to their owne daughters . in this darke eclipse , the peaking pandar sneakt out with his bundle of rotten commodity , which by candle-light made such a fayre shew , that he held it at a pockey deare rate ; but the world was growne so cunning , that none but young heyres , and fooles would deale with him in hole-sayle , and yet hee made shift to retayle it out to many gallants by the yard , because they were his common customers . the tapster could not sée to doe any man right , it was so excéeding darke in his celler , that he thought the deuill had bin there , ( so that he came running vp affrighted , before his pot was halfe full . by reason of this eclipse , the oftler could not giue the horse hay , nor sée the age in his mouth , without a greazy candle in his hand . o , 't was a lamentable time with dyers & picture-drawers : for the one could not sée by candle-light to put in those true ingrediences that would hold colour , and kéepe from stayning : nor the other by candle-light , could not take the true picture of man or woman , without great faults . this darke eclipse was more beneficiall to tallow-chaundlers , then thrée darke winters before , wherein prentices to the trade tooke such paynes , and withall were so carefull ; that many of them were made frée , which before were but screalings , and euer crawling in the tallow , with their blacke flat caps like maggots . and this eclipse did not much hinder haberdashers of small wares , by reason they kept so many lights : for by so much light , a man might well discerne small wares in many shops . it was a merry time with carrmen , watermen , & porters : for in this eclipse , many of them did nothing but drinke , domineere , and swagger in alehouses ; but the often going to and fro of the pot , made them talke of that , which they had nothing to doe withall , and many times their obtuse apprehensions would be medling with the warres betwixt the great turke and prester iohn , how it was likely to end ; because they heard 〈◊〉 neighbour goodman iobson say , they were now growne friends , and had put the matter to a bickerment . so that state businesses ( which nothing concern'd them ) and the pot together , so stupified their braynes , that many of them went raling out of doores . but if money began to fail out somewhat short , before they came to the heyght of their state matters , then many of them , ( like a company of fowle-mouth'd fellowes ) would sweare , curse , and rayle , euen against those men that set them on worke , from whom they had their chiefest meanes of liuing . this darke eclipse was almost the vndoing of many bayliffes and sargeants , and the impouerishing of marshals-men so much ; that their mercenary dependances ( whom they authorize to arrest ) made men more fearefull of their purses , then of putting in bayle to their actions ; by reason their exacting fees , ( for want of businesses ) came not in roundly , so that they could not better their apparell , but went like runegado baccanalians , be dropt all before with greale and ale , whose long continuance begot a glistering substance , which made such a coogning shew , that a man would haue thought his preface had béene all sattyn , although his doubblet was not worth a button , and pind ouer before , as if he had bin in his swaddling clouts , or els borne with those clothes on his backe . this darke eclipse prou'd dismall to the chiefe miller of a wind-mill ; for he hauing beene abroade amongst 〈◊〉 companions carowsing , was so extremely typpl'd ●ith drinke , that he had much adoe in the darke to finde 〈◊〉 mill , although it was but a coytes cast from the ale-house where he got his liquor . at length finding the mill , by the noyse it made in going , he groped fo● the stayrs to go vp , which he could not find , but wen● vnder the mill , amongst the sacks of wheate that we●● standing there ready to grinde . amongst these sa●●● he found good easie elbow-roome , and leaning again●● them , fell fast asleepe : this malt-sacke now among●● the wheate-sacks was so dead in sleepe , that indéed he was as sencelesse as his bed-fellowes . the millers man aboue in the mill , had put vp almost the last hopper full of all the wheate that was then ready cran'd vp ▪ therefore hee let downe the rope to crane vp more , and afterwards came downe himselfe in the darke ( like a foolish knaue without a candle ) so féeling for the sacks of corne , the first that he lighted on , was the malt-sacke his master , whom he tooke for a sacke of wheate . then the wicked hangman put the ryding deuice ouer his masters head , where he felt a handkercher ( which his master did vse to weare , with lace and buttons ) about his necke , ( after the effeminate fashion , forsooth ) tyed with a knot , which his knotty-ioynted numbd fingers could not distinguish from the strings of a sacke : there he fasten'd the rope , and away he goes vp into his mill to wind vp the supposed sacke , ( his master towards heauen against his will ) and hauing cran'd him vp halfe way , hee heard the stones of the mill begin to touch each other , for want of corne , whereby he was enforced ●● fasten the wrench of the crane with an iron pinne , an● so let his master hang whilest he went vp to put more corne in the hopper , ( wherein he shewed his carefull diligence , to looke to his masters businesse , although h● were hang'd . ) after the millers man had fild hi hopp●● he betooke him to his old worke , and cran'd ( by fauo● his master to the height of his ambition ( but pride 〈◊〉 haue a fall . ) so he tooke the supposed sacke of corne in , ● went to fetch the candle , to see to vnloose the strin● and comming néere , he perceiu'd it was his dead master : then did he wring him by the nose , and boxt him about the eares , to recall life , but all was in vaine . so he stayd his mill , although he durst not stay himself , lock't vp the doore , and put the key in his pocket , fearing his master should follow him to rayse the towne , and away he runne , and was neuer heard of to this instant day . the ( knights of the ) sunne and moone , thus continuing their long coniunction together , made the spectators weary by reason of this eclipse : for it was so darke , that those which stood néerest to them , could not possibly see any of their valiant déeds , but onely they might heare them puffe and blow , and therefore it was thought fit to haue them parted . so they felt them out , who lay so still ( being both ouerwearyed ) as if they had béene in a sound sleepe . when they were both vp , and had breathed themselues a while , the knight of the sunne was very earnest to be at the knight of the moone againe , to try whether he could regaine the light which so eclipst his honour : but he was held backe ( which made him the more eager ) and might not be suffred , because the combate was already adiudged to be lost on the knight of the suns part , and the award giuen vp , which was : that the knight of the moone should haue and iniuoy the coate-armour and helmet , and his owne proper right , without the least trouble or molestation of the knight of the sunne , and to weare the same , where , and when he pleas'd , according to his discretion . prouided alwayes , that the knight of the sunne , vpon reasonable warning , should haue the vse of the armour and helmet , so that at any time he could alleadge some great cause , without yeelding any reas●n for the same but to redeliuer the same againe to the knight of the moone , as true and lawfull owner , without detayning it by delayes , any longer then his present vse required , vpon the forfeiture of his knight-sheepe and armes . so the knight of the moone had the coate-armour and helmet deliuered to him , wherewith hee was immediatly arm'd , and so departed the lists , with a great applause ( especially of the younger sort of people ) as victor . the knight of the sun , hearing the award proclaymed , and withall séeing the knight of the moone beare away the bell : he stood like a body without a soule ▪ or a man whose heart was falne into his hose , or indéed like king belins armed stake in the fieldes , which archers shoote at . so this ( little dangerous ) combate was ended , which since the battell betwéene clineasse and dame●asse the like hath not bin heard of , saue onely that of don quishotte and the barbor , about mambrinoes inchaunted helmet . thus endeth the legend of this fearefull fight , twixt pheander the mayden , and moriander the knight : which parted betweene them , their indifferent dealings did proue them to-meane knights , not gyants , nor screalings . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e a noysome gyant , whom anus king of pedolia , beat out of his kingdome . § for being without a wife , he may be as honest as honourable . notes for div a -e after honour . for he had no wages . mariners seldome good horse-men . hee would haue bin gone . purblind men are good husbands , and looke neere to their busines . archmoriander lay very heauy vpon the little gyant . not on the escuchion , for he was euer a great dreamer of fayry busines . not too honest by no meanes . for there was ciuil warres in his belly , and some run from the campe . his blacke bases glistred like a crow on a hogs backe . it was not a brewers horse for all that . † his launce the whip , his spurrs the wheeles , the caparisons the carre , and himselfe the carter . for he cannot hold his water , when he heares a bagpipe . he almost tyr'd his horse , before the combate i meane not knights , that dyet in ord'naries . § ruffe band. ‡ blue cap. § his feather . horne . not run or picadilla . or , armes . although they were not ale-tubs . they threw away their swords without scabbards . . daies soone come about ; for the sunne and moone are in coniunction . the moone ouercame the sunne . the eclipse of the sunne . not one button on his doubblet . a caueat for clownes in fashion . as the custome is . boyes . the honestie of this age· proouing by good circumstance that the world was neuer honest till now. by barnabee rych gentleman, seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie. rich, barnabe, ?- . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the honestie of this age· proouing by good circumstance that the world was neuer honest till now. by barnabee rych gentleman, seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie. rich, barnabe, ?- . [ ], , [ ] p. 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honestie of this age . proouing by good circumstance that the world was neuer honest till now . by barnabee rych gentleman , seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie . malui me diuitem esse , quam vocari . printed at london for t. a. . to the right honorable syr thomas middleton knight , l. maior of the honorable cittie of london . most honorable lord , to auoid idlenes , i haue with domitian endeuoured to catch flies , i haue taken in hand a text , that will rather induce hatred , then winne loue , i haue spoken against those abhominations , that are not lesse odible in the sight of the powers of heauen , then monstrous to bee tollerated heere vpon the face of the earth : i haue grasped at greater matters , then ( some will say ) is fitting to behandled by a souldiers penne . the adulterer will not indure it , the drunkard wil be angry with it , the blasphemer will sweare at it , the bribe-taker will despite it , the papist will malice it , to conclude most honorable ) there is no guiltie conscience that will willingly entertaine it . remayning then in some doubtfulnes of mind , to whom i might bequeath it , that would eyther grace or giue countenance vnto it , i was prompted by report of your lordships worthinesse that now in the course of your gouernement in this honorable cittie of london , you haue set vp those lights for the suppressing of seuerall sorts of sinnes , that as they haue already aduanced your applause , amongst those that bee of the best approoued honesty , so they will remaine for euer in record to your perpetuall prayse . let not therefore my boldnes , seeme presumptuous , that being altogether vnknowne to your lordship , haue yet presumed to shelter my lines vnder your honorable name , and thus in affiance of your honorable acceptance , i rest to doe your lordshippe any other kinde of seruice . your lordships to commaund barnabe rych to all those readers that are well disposed . gentlemen , there are but fewe in these dayes , that are willing to heare their faultes : but they are fewer by a great number that are willing to amend them , find faults , could neuer yet get grace , for adulation is crept so closely into our bosomes , that smoothing flatterie is more dearely esteemed , then reprehending veritie . i confesse my selfe to be ill beholding to mine owne tongue , that could neuer flatter , lispe , nor lye : nature hath made the carriage of my words to bee something harsh and dull , yet when they seeme to be most slow , perhaps sometimes they be most sure : i speake plainely , & i meane honestly : and although my wordes bee not imbroydered with high morality , i care not : for i leaue that to schollers , maisters of art and methode . if my lynes be plaine and true , they so much the more resemble their sier , and for children to bee like their parentes , besides the midwife will giue it a blessing , so it is a signe they be legitimate : defectes i know they cannot want , that in their procreation were bred and borne before their time , for as i conueyued of them in an instant , so i was deliuered againe in a moment : and these abortiue brates that are thus hastely brought into the world , though they seldome prooue to haue any great vigor or strength , yet i hope these will proue to be of as honest and plaine dealing as their father . i make no doubt but they will please as many as i desire to content , and those are good men , and vertuous women : for the rest that are gauled , if i rubbe them vnawares , it is but chance-medly , and then i hope i shall obtaine a pardon of course , protesting aforehand that i haue not aymed at any one particularly that hath not a guiltie conscience to accuse himselfe : if any man will thinke them to be too bitter , let him vse it as an apothecaries pill , that the more bitter , the better purging . to the muses . pierian sisters , types of true renowne , the radyant lights of art and sacred skill : i come not to implore a lawrell crowne , wherewith to decke my rude vntutred quill . nor doe i seeke to climbe parnassus hill . in briefe the world of folly i vpbrayde , yet dare not presse , faire dames to craue your aide . i smooth no sinne , i sing no pleasing song , i cloake no vice , i seeke to bleare no eyes , i would be loath to doe minerua wrong : to forge vntruths , or decke my lynes with lyes , i cannot fable , flatter , nor disguise . yet mounted now on tymes discerning stage , i stand to note the follies of our age. finis . the honestie of this age . when philip that was the father of the great alexander , was leuying an armie for the warres which hee intended against the athenians , and that through all the partes of macedonia , the countrey was filled with the noyse of shrill sounding trumpets , and of ratling drums : and that the people in like maner , as busily bestirred themselues to helpe and set forward the souldiers , that were then making readie to follow the captaines . euery man being thus in action about this great preparation , in the midst of all this busines , diogenes beganne to rolle and rumble his tubb , still tossing and tumbling it from place to place , in that vnaccustomed manner that some that did behold him , demanded of him his meaning in the matter : why ( said diogenes ) do you not see this strange alteratiō , that euery man is doing of somewhat now on the sodaine and why should not i be as busie as the best ? i cannot be idle and although i can do nothing else , yet i will rumble my tubb amongst them , if it be but to hold them company . i would apply this president in mine owne excuse , that nowe in this quicke sprited age , when so many excellent wittes , are indeuouring by their pennes to set vpp lightes , and to giue the world new eyes to see into deformitie , why should not i that can doe little ? yet apply my selfe to doe something , if it be but with diogenes to rumble my tubb : yet i know i shall offend , for the world is so luld a sleepe in pleasures lap , that they cannot indure any rumbling noyse , that should awaken them out of that sweete sleepe of securitie , hee that would please the time must learne to sing lullaby to folly : & there is no musicke so delightfull as the smoothing vp of sinne . how many worthy preachers be there in these daies that haue with heraclitus bewayled the iniquitie of the time , and that haue thundered forth the iudgements of god , which the holy scriptures haue threatned to fall vpon impenitent sinners , but what doe lamentations auayle ? they doe but make a rumbling like diogenes tubb , the sound is no sooner past , but it is as quickly forgotten : let them weepe therefore that list with heraclitus , i will make my selfe a little merrie with democritus , i will laugh at the follies of the world , let the world laugh as fast againe at me , i looke for no better : and not onely to be mocked at , but likewise to be wounded and tortured with lying and slaunderous tongues . the blaspheming wretch , that is ready to make the heauens to tremble with whole vollies of oathes that hee will thunder forth , but for the wagging of a straw , will bitterly sweare and protest against me . the licentious whooremaster , that in hunting after harlots , consumes himselfe both in body and soule , will censure me . the beastly drunkard , more loathsome then a swine , when he hath so ouercharged his stomacke , that hee can no longer holde ( together with his draffe ) will vomit out my reproches . the finicall foole , that by his nice and queint atyre may well be resembled to the sea mermayd seeming halfe a man and halfe a harlot , will not forbeare to mocke & deride me . the bribing officer , will bitterly curse me . the tradesman and shopkeeper , that doe buy and sell vanities , will grudge and murmure at me . the country swayne , that will sweate more on sun-dayes dancing about a may poole , then hee will doe all the weeke after at his worke , will haue a cast at me . the infamous harlot , that prostitutes her selfe to euerie vicious lecher , will pronounce mee an open enemie to woman kinde . olde mother b. the bawd will shut her doores against me . now what will become of me that shall be thus beset with such a graceles company , let me beseech your prayers , you that be wise and iudicious , you that bee endued with wisedome and knowledge , let me yet finde fauour in your eyes , i rather desire my confirmation from those fewer in number , whose names are enrolled in the book of life , then from the multitude , treading those steppes that doe assuredly lead to a second death . and you good & gracious women , whom the holy scriptures doe auow to be more precious then pearle , let mee intreat your fauourable aspect . you damoseles and yong gentle-women , that are no lesse adorned with modestie then garnished with beautie , i haue euer regarded you with a reuerent estimation . you marryed wiues , that are ornified with honestie , wisedome and vertue , i doe acknowledge you to be the glory of your husbands . the whole sexe of woman kinde in generall , aswell olde as young , that haue not tainted their owne credites with ouer much immodest boldnesse , i doe honour them , and i doe prostitute my selfe for euer to doe them humble seruice . i haue heard speaking of the golden age of the worlde , and some will say it is long sithens past , yet some others doe thinke , that the true golden age ( indeed ) was neuer till now , when gold and gifts doe compasse all things : but if i might giue my censure , i would call this , the honest age of the world , i confesse that in former ages the worlde hath beene simple and plaine dealing , but neuer honest till now . till now that bribery , vsury , forgery , periury , and such other like impieties , are honest mens professions , & that those indeuours that in times past were accounted abhominable , are now made vsuall trades for honest men to liue by . till now that rich-men be faultlesse , and must not be reprehended in their drunkennesse , in their blasphemies , in their adulteries , they must not be blamed , nor howe soeuer they oppresse and extort , the poore must not complaine . and who dares take exceptions , but to a meane magistrate that is crept into an office , perhaps by corruption , no , it is dangerous to looke into his abhominations : but hee is sure to perish that will but open his lippes to speake against his ill . and what a dangerous matter would it bee to call such a lawyer , a pick-purse , that will take vpon him the defence of a matter , that in his owne conscience , he knoweth to be vniust , and yet will send his clyent home foure times a yeare , with an empty purse . and he that robbes the realme of corne , and of all other commodities , transporting it beyond the seas , is hee not an honest trading marchant , and what is he that dares call him theefe : and how many tradesmen and shop-keepers are there that to vent their counterfeite stuffe , will not sticke both to lye , to sweare , and to vse many other colusions whereby to deceiue , yet who dares tell him that he is but a common cosiner . no , it is more safetie for a man to commit sinne then to reproue sinne , and what an easie matter is it nowe for a man to be honest , ouer it hath beene in times past , when every vsurer , euery briber , euery extortioner , euery picker , euery robber , euery adulterer , and euery common drunkard is an honest man. and he that will otherwise depraue them , there is law for him , he must stand to the mercy of twelue men , a iury shall passe vppon him , and hee shall be conuict in an action of slander . i am halfe ashamed to speake of the honest men that be in this age , and mee thinkes when i haue to doe with some of them , i should borrow his manners , that hauing to tell a sober tale to a iustice of peace , would still begin his speeches with sir reuerence of your worships honesty . the fellow had learned good manners , and we may well put a sir reuerence when wee doe speake of honesty nowe a dayes , for euery rich man is an honest man , there is no contradiction to that , and this makes a number of them to gather wealth they care not howe , by the vndoing of their poore neighbours because they woulde be honest . in former ages , he that was rich in knowledge was called a wise man , but now there is no man wise , but he that hath wit to gather wealth , and it is a hard matter in this age , for a man to rayse himselfe by honest principles , yet we doe all seeke to climbe , but not by iacobs ladder , & we are still desirous to mount , but not by the chariot of elyas . vertue hath but a few that doe fauour her , but they bee fewer by a great many in number that are desirous to follow her . but is not this an honest age , when ougly vice doth beare the name of seemly vertue , when drunkennes is called good fellowship , murther reputed for manhoode , lechery , is called honest loue , impudency , good audacitie , pride they say is decency , and wretched misery , they call good husbandry , hypocrisie , they call sinceritie , and flattery , doth beare the name of eloquence , truth , and veritie , and that which our predecessors would call flat knauery , passeth now by the name of wit and policy . then fie vppon honestie , that is thus poluted by men , i hope yet amongst women , wee shall finde it more pure and vndefiled . in former ages , there were many imperfections attributed to women , that are now accounted no defectes at all , neyther are they thought to bee any scandals to their reputations . moses seemeth in a sort , to scoffe at some foolish nicities , that were vsed amongst women in his time deut. . and the prophet esay agayne reprehendeth the wanton gestures that were vsed by the daughters of sion in his daies at their haughtinesse of minde , at their stretched out neckes , at their wandering eyes , at their walking , and their mincing as they passe through the streets : then he setteth downe ( as it were ) by innumeration so many vanities , as for breuities sake i will here omit to speake of esay . as salomon pronounceth the prayses of those women that be good , so hee marketh out a number of capitall offences whereby we might know the ill . and the ancient romans banished out of their cittie , all women that were found to be dishonest of their tongues : yet tollerating with those others that were well knowne to be dishonest of their bodies : thinking the first , to bee more pernicious then the last , because the infirmity of the one proceeded but from the frailtie of the flesh , but the wickednesse of the other from an vngracious and a wicked minde : but now , the bitternesse of a tongue , the pride of a haughtie heart , the shamelesnesse of a face , the immodesty of a mind , the impudency of looks , the rowling of wanton eyes , the lewdnes of manners , the lightnesse of behauiour , the loosenesse of life , nor all the rest of those notes that salomon hath left vnto vs ( the true markes of a wicked woman ) all this is nothing , nor these imputations are no blemish to a womans credit . is shee not to be charged with the abuse of her bodie , it is well , shee is honest , what care we for the deformities of the minde . will you see now , a womans honestie is pent vp in a litle roome , it is still confined , but from her girdle downewards . is not this a happie age for women , menne haue manie faults whereby to taynt their credites , there is no imperfection in a woman , but that of her bodie , and who is able to proue that , one payre of eyes will not serue , . paire of eyes will not be beleeued , there must be . witnesses at the least , to testifie the matter . how shall we be now able to iudge of a harlot , especially if shee be rich , and hath abilitie to bring her accuser to the comissaries court : wee must not condemne her by outward show , by her new compounded fashions , by her paynting , by her poudering , by her perfuming , by her ryoting , by her roysting , by her reuelling , by her companie keeping , it is not enough to say she was lockt vppe with a gentleman all night in a chamber , or that she had beene seene in a strangers bedde : her proctor will make you to vnderstand a litle latine , if you be not able to proue rem in re , you haue slandered her , you must not beleeue your owne eyes in such a case , but you must cry her mercy . this is it that doth make harlots so scant , as they be now in england , not a strumpet to be found , if a man would seeke from one end of the towne to another . a general corruption hath ouergrowne the vertues of this latter times , and the world is become a brothell house of sinne : it is enough for vs now if we seeke but for the resemblance of vertue , for the soueraigntie of the thing it selfe , we neuer trouble our selues about it . both men and women that are the very slaues of sin , will yet stand vpon their credites and reputations , and somtimes putting on the visard of vertue , will seeme to march vnder the ensigne of honestie . whether will you tend your steppes , which way will you turne your eyes , or to whom will you lend your listing eares but you shall meete with vice , looke vpon vanitie , and heare those speeches , that doe not onely tend to folly , but sometimes to ribauldry , other whiles to blasphemy , & many times to the great dishonor of god. will you walke the streetes , there you shall meete with sir lawrence lack-land , in a cloake lined through with veluet , and besides his dublet , his hose , his rapier , his dagger , not so much but the spurs that hang ouer his heeles , but they shall be beguilded . will you nowe crosse the way a little on the other side , there you shall meete with sir henry haue little , so trickt vppe in the spicke and span new fashion , that you would sooner take him to be proteus the god of shapes , or some other like celestiall power , then a vaine terestiall foole. your eares againe , shall bee so incumbred with the rumbling & rowling of coaches , and with the clamours of such as doe follow them , that are still crying out o good my lady bestow your charitable almes vpon the lame , the blind , the sicke the diseased , goood my lady one peny , one halfepeny , for the tender mercy of god we beseech it : but let them call and cry till their tongues do ake , my lady hath neyther eyes to see , nor eares to heare , shee holdeth on her way , perhaps to the tyre makers shoppe , where shee shaketh out her crownes to bestowe vpon some new fashioned atire , that if we may say , there be deformitie in art , vppon such artificall deformed periwigs , that they were fitter to furnish theater , or for her that in a stage play , should represent some hagge of hell , then to bee vsed by a christian woman , or to be worne by any such as doth account her selfe to be a daughter in the heauenly ierusalem . i am ashamed nowe to aske you to goe into any of these drinking houses , where you should as well see the beastly behauiour of drunkardes , as likewise heare such swearing and blaspheming as you would thinke the whole house to bee dedicated to loathsome sinne , and that hell and damnation were both together there alreadie resident . will you now goe visit the shop keepers , that are so busie with their what lack you sir , or what is it you would haue bought : & let vs take a good suruey , what the cōmodities be that they would thus set forth to sale , and we shall find that as diogenes passing through a fayre cryed out , o how many things are here to be vented that nature hath no neede of , so wee may likewise say , o howe many gaudy trifles are here to bee solde , that are good for nothing , but to maintaine pride and vanitie . if sometimes wee happen to hyt vppon such necessaries , as are ( indeede ) behouefull for the vse of man , let the buyer yet looke to himselfe , that he be not ouerreached by deceit and subtiltie . shall we yet make a steppe to westminster hall , a little to ouer-look the lawyers . my skill is vnable to render due reuerence to the honorable iudges , according to their worthinesse , but especially at this instant as the benches are nowe supplyed , neyther would i eclips the honest reputation of a number of learned lawyers , that are to be held in a reuerent regard , and that are to be honoured and esteemed , yet amongst these there bee a number of others , that doe multiplie sutes and drawe on quarrelles betweene friend and friend , betweene brother & brother , and sometimes betweene the father and the sonne , and amongst these although there bee some , that can make good shift to send their clients home with penilesse purses , yet there be other some againe , that at the end of the tearme doe complaine themselues that their gettings haue not bin enough to defray their expences , and doe therefore thinke that men are become to be more wise in these dayes , then they haue beene in former ages , and had rather put vppe a wrong , then fee a lawyer : but i doe not thinke there is any such wisedome in this age , when there are so many wrangling spirits , that are so ready to commence suites , but for a neighbours goose , that shall but happen to looke ouer a hedge : now what conceipt i haue in the matter , i will partly make manifest , by this insuing circumstance . as the worthy gentlemen that haue beene lords maiors , of the honourable cittie of london , haue beene generally renowned for their wisedome in gouernment , so they haue beene no lesse famed for their hospitality and good house-keeping , during the time of their mairolties . amongst the rest there was one , who long sithens being readie to set himselfe downe to his dinner , with his company that were about him , there thronged in on the sodaine a great company of strangers , in that vnreuerent manner , as had not formerly beene accustomed , whereupon one of the officers comming to the l. maior , sayd vnto him , if it please your lordship here be too few stooles , thou lyest knaue ( answered the maior ) there are too many guests . now i am perswaded that if lawyers ( indeed ) haue iust cause to complaine of their little gettings , it is not for that there be too few suites , but because there be too many lawyers , especially of these aturnies , soliciters , and such other petty foggers , whereof there be such abundance , that the one of them can very hardly thriue by the other : and this multitude of them , doe trouble all the partes of englande . the profession of the law , i doe acknowledge to be honorable , and ( i thinke ) the study of it should especially belong to the better sort of gentlemen : but our innes of court , now ( for the greater part ) are stuffed with the of-spring of farmers , and with all other sorts of tradesmen , and these when they haue gotten some few scrapings of the law , they do sow the seedes of suits , they doe set men at variance , & do seeke for nothing more then to checke the course of iustice , by their delatory pleas : for the better sort of the learned lawyers , i doe honour them . they say it is an argument of a licentious commō wealth , where phisitians and lawyers haue too great comminges in , but it is the surfeits of peace that bringeth in the phisitians gaine , yet in him there is some dispatch of businesse , for if he cannot speedily cure you , he will yet quickly kill you , but with the lawyer there is no such expedition , he is all for delay , and if his tongue be not well typt with gold , he is so dull of language , that you shall not heare a comfortable worde come out of his mouth in a whole michaelmasse tearme : if you will vnlocke his lips , it must be done with a golden fee , and that perhaps may sette his tongue at libertie , to speake ( sometimes ) to as good a purpose , as if he hadde still beene mute . let vs leaue the lawyer to his study , and let vs now looke a little in at the court gate , & leauing to speake of those few in number that do aspire to the fauour of the prince , by their honest and vertuous endeuours , let vs take a short suruey of those others , that doe labour their owne aduancements , by base and seruile practises , by lying , by slandering , by backbiting , by flattering , by dissembling : that haue no other meanes whereby to make themselues gratious in the eye of greatnesse , but by surrendering themselues to base imployments , that doe sometimes poyson the eares of princes , and vnder the pretence of common good , do obtaine those suits that doth oppresse a whole common wealth , & but to maintaine the pride and prodigalitie of a priuate person . in the courts of princes euery great man ( placed in authority ) must be flattered in his follies , praysed in his pleasures , commended in his vanities , yea his very vices must be made vertues , or els they will say we forget our duties , wee malice his greatnes , we enuy his fortunes : and hee that will offer sacrifice to thraso , must haue gnato to be his priest : for the itching eares of vaine glory , are best pleased when they be scratched by flattery . by these steps of smooting , courtiers must learne to climbe and more hyts vppon preferment by occasion , then eyther by worthines or good desert . in the courts of princes , fornications , adulteries & rauishments , and such other like , haue bin accounted yong courtiers sports . honest men haue beene there oppressed , rybaulds preferred , simple men scorned , innocent men persecuted , presumptuous men fauoured , flatterers aduanced . let the prince himselfe be neuer so studious of the publique good , yet not seeing into all enormities , he is compassed about with those that be enormious : let tryan prescribe good lawes for eternall memory , yet where are they sooner broken , then in the court of tryan : let aurelius store his court with wise men , yet euen there they doe waxe dissolute . a princes court , is like a pleasant garden , where the bee may gather honny , and the spyder sucke poyson : for as it is a schoole of vertue to such as can bridle their mindes with discretion , so it is a nursery of vice , to such as doe measure their willes with witlesse vanitie . it hath beene holden for a maxime , that a proud court , doth make a poore countrey : and that there is not so hatefull a vermine to the common wealth , as those that are surnamed , the moathes of the court : but courtiers will not bee easely dasht out of countenance , for it is a courtiers vertue , to be confident in his owne conceipt , and he that is so resolute , will blush at nothing . but now to make an end of this suruey of vanity , let vs yet make one iourney more , and it shall bee to the church , and at that time when the preacher is in the pulpit , and we shall there see such hypocrisie , such counterfeiting , such dissembling , and such mocking with god , that were it not but that as his wrath so often kindled against vs for our sinnes , should not yet as often be quenched againe by his mercy , it coulde not bee , but that the iustice of god would euen there ataynt vs. there you shall see him , that in his life and conuersation ( to the shewe of the world ) when hee is out of the church liueth , as if he made doubt whether there were any god or no , yet he will there ioyne with the preacher in prayer , and will cry out o our father which art in heauen . hollowed be thy name ( sayth the common swearer ) who with vnhallowed lyps , doth euery day blaspheme the name of god. and he that reposeth his whole felicitie in the transitory pleasures of this world , that doth make his gold his god , & whose heauen is vpon this earth , will there beseech in prayer , lord let thy kingdome come . another that doth repine at the ordinances of god , that will murmure and grudge at those visitations wherewith it pleaseth him sometimes to afflict vs , will yet make petition , thy will be done on earth as it is in heauen . there you shall see him to make intercession for his dayly bread , that will polute himselfe all the weeke after , with his daily drinke . but what a misery is this , that the contentious , the malicious , the wrathfull , and for him that doth seeke reuenge for the least offence that is offered vnto him , somtimes by bloudie reuenge , sometimes by sutes of law , and at all times with great rigor & violence , and will yet craue by petition , lord forgiue vs our trepasses , as we forgiue them that trespasse against vs , drawing therby their owne damnation vpon their owne heades , when at the day of the generall sessions , the great iudge shall say vnto them , ex ore tuo , te iudicabo , depart from me thou cursed creature , thy portion is amongst the hypocrites : for as faith without obedience , is no faith but the true marke of an hypocrite , so profession ioyned with malice , is as certaine a note of hypocrisie . there you shall see the extortioner , the adulterer , the blasphemer , vnder the colour of deuotion , so transforme themselues into a show of sanctimony , that during the time of the sermon , they doe seeme to bee saynts , but being out of the church doore , a man would thinke them to bee demy deuils . there you shall see the vsurer , the briber , the broaker , with their books laid open before them , turning ouer leaues as busily , as if they were in their counting houses casting vp of their debts , and calculating what summes were owing vn to them : there you shall see the marchant , the shopkeeper , the tradesman , and such others as doe liue by trafique , by buying and by selling , lifting vp their eyes , heauing vp their hands , and making show , as if they were inflamed with a hot burning feuer , of a fiery burning zeale . but they doe vse religion , as women doe vse their paynting stuffe , it serues but to couer their deformities , they haue one conscience for the church , another for the market , and so they keepe a good one for sundayes , it makes no matter for all the weeke after . should i speake now of women , they doe make as great a show of deuotion as men , and although there be a number of them graue and godly matrones , zealous , and well inclined marryed wiues , gratious and godly disposed damosels , and yong maydens , that are no lesse vertuous indeed , then they doe make showe for : yet there bee a number of others that do rather frequent the church to see new fashions , then to gather good instructions , and a number of them rather to be seene themselues , then to seeke god. now what zeale is that zeale , that will neyther let slippe a sermon , nor lette goe a new fashion : this strange atiring of thēselues may well bring admiration to fooles , but it breeds laughter to the wise . you shall see some women goe so attyred to the church , that i am ashamd to tell it out aloud , but harke in your eare , i will speake it softly , fitter in good fayth , to furnish a. b. h. then to presse into the house of god : they are so be paynted so be periwigd , so be poudered , so be perfumed , so bee starched , so be laced , and so bee imbrodered , that i cannot tell what mentall vertues they may haue that they do keepe inwardly to themselues , but i am sure , to the outward show , it is a hard matter in the church it selfe to distinguish between a good woman , and a bad . our behauiours , our gestures , and our outward attyres , are tongs to proclaime the inward disposition of the mind , then away with this pretended zeale , let vs not make religion a cloake for impietie . if we will seeke christ , let vs seeke him so as we may finde him , in the high way of humilitie , but not of pride and impudency . i thinke amongst many women that are thus frequenting sermons , there be some that will catch at some prety sounding words , and let the matter slip , that they ought especially to attend : as the poore gentle-woman that was so dismayed at the preachers wordes , who discoursing to his auditory of the generall day of iudgement , how we should be then called to a stricte and a strayght account : the poore gentle-woman being returned to her owne house with this newes , beganne to fail into a sodaine fit of weeping , which being marked by some friends that were about her , they besought her to make knowne vnto them , the cause of her griefe , her answere was , that shee was but now come from a sermon , that had so troubled her in her thoughts , that shee could not refraine from sheding of teares : those that heard her , thinking that shee had beene stricken with some godly remorse in remembrance of her former misled life , beganne to comfort her , telling her how god had mercy in store for all penitent sinners , and her teares so distilled being an argument of her heartie repentance , there was no doubt in her , but to hope of saluation . alas ( said shee ) it is not the remembrance of my sins that doth thus perplexe me , but when i consider with my selfe , what a great assembly will then make their appearance at the day of that generall sessions which the preacher spake of , it maketh me to weepe to thinke howe ashamed i shal be to stand starke naked before such a presence ( as he saies ) will be then in place . see here the very height of a gentlewomans disquiet , what a scruple it was that thus incumbred her conscience , god grant there be not many others that doth make the like colections , and that will sometimes be disputing of the preachers wordes , which they be no lesse able to conceiue , then vnwilling to followe : there be many that will seeme to professe religion as well men as women , and that with great zeale and feruency , but they liue not thereafter , euen those that by their outward show , do thirst after knowledge , those that will turne ouer many leaues & seeke out seuerall chapters , and when they hyt vppon some interpretation to nourish their sensualitie , they stay there , and are the worse for their reading . sonne of man ( sayth god to the prophet ezechiell ) my people sit before thee , and they heare my wordes , but they will not doe them , their hearts goeth after couetousnesse . to speake against sinne in this age , it is like the filling of daneas tubs , and eyther they thinke there is no god at all , or else they thinke him to be such a one , as it were as good there were none at all : for it is lesse dangerous for a man to commit sinne , then to reproue sinne . to reprehend drunkennesse , whordome , blasphemy , or to speake against that pryde , that god will surely punish , wee must not doe it , they will say wee are too bitter , too byting , too satiricall , and thus we are more afraid to offend vicious men , then we are desirous to please god. but tell me now thou beastly drunkard , thou vicious adulterer , thou swearer and prophaner of gods holy name , which of you , if you had a wife that had played the strumpet , if shee should come vnto thee with submissiue words & shewes of repentance , and that vpō the hope of her amendment , thou wouldst pardon what was past , wouldst thou not thinke it much if thou hadst forgiuen her once , that shee should afterwardes play the harlot againe , but if thou hadst so much kindnesse to remitte the second fault , if she should yet come the third time , with one of her roaring boyes in her company , & should play the harlot before thine owne face , ( thou thy selfe standing present ) and would yet with smyling countenance , & inticing shewes , offer to come & kisse thee , wouldest thou not defie her , wouldest thou not spite at her , wouldest thou not spurne at her , wouldest thou not abhorre her . then what doest thou thinke of thy god ( if i may so tearme him to be thy god ) whom thou thy selfe hast disavowed , and broken that contract , which was made between him and thee , when thou wert baptized , that runnest euerie day from sinne to sinne , a whoring , till perhaps on sundaies , and then thou goest to church with a smiling countenance to dissemble and flatter with god , and wilt seeme to come and kisse him , nay thou commest to mocke him , & to speak the truth , to tempt him , for sunday it selfe is scarce ouerpast , but thou returnest backe againe to thine adultery , to thy drunkennesse , to thy blasphemie , to thy vsury , to thy brybery , to thy periurie , to thy pride , to thy vanitie , and to all the rest of thy former impieties : dost thou not tremble now at the iudgemēts of god , dost thou not feare his vengeance sodainly to fall vppon thee ? perhaps thou wilt thinke thy selfe to be in no danger , and wilt but iest at me , that would but put thee into some foolish feare : well iest at it and spare not , but when time hath done his office , thou shalt see what will come of iesting . they were wont to say , the world did runne on wheeles , and it may well bee , it hath done so in times past , but i say now , it goes on crouches , for it is waxen old , blind , decrepit and lame , a lymping world god knowes , and nothing but halting betweene neighbour & neighbour , betwene friend and friend , betweene brother and brother , and downe right halting ( sometimes ) betweene the father and the childe , the son that will craue his fathers blessing in the morning , will wish him dead before night , that hee might enioy his inheritance : and as the world is become thus lame & lymping , so it is otherwise growne so far out of reparatiōs , that ( i thinke ) there is no hope of amendment , the best remedy were , if euery man would mend one , and that will not bee performed in hast , for we imitate nothing but what we doe see , and whom doe we see setting vp that light , that might shine vnto vs in example , no the world is become feeble , her spirits are spent , shee is growne bis puer , she is become childdish , and begins to doat a fresh on that shee sometimes scorned . the possession of gold , vnlawfully gotten , was wont to be called a capitall offence , nowe there is nothing more desired . in diebus illis , they bent their whole endeuours to winne honourable reputation , but now for popular praise & vain ostentation . our predecessors ordained lawes whereby to restrayne the prodigall from spending their owne wealth in ryot and excesse , but nowe there is no expence so laudable as that which is spent in vanitie . in former ages , they thought him to be but a badde states man , that had aspired to ouermuch wealth , but now there is nothing more dispised , then for a man to bee poore and honest . the olde fashion was to doe well , but nowe enough to speake well . in the olde time to performe , but nowe enough to promise . men were wont to blush when they went to borrowe money , but now they are ashamde to pay their debts . flattery hath beene accounted the profession of a knaue , but now , it is better for a man to flatter too much , then not to flatter at all . the monuments of goodnes are so weather beaten , that iniquitie and antiquitie , hath almost left no charecter therof vndefaced . if men should degenerate as fast the next age , as they haue done but within the compasse of our owne memory , it will be a madde world to liue in . children must receiue by tradition , what is left vnto them by example from their parents , they can go no further then imitation , & what was it but example , that brought downe fire and brimstone vpon sodome and gomorah , when the abhominations of the elder , were still imitated by the yonger . children can neyther heare nor see , eyther at home or abroad , but that which is altogether eyther vaine or vnlawfull . howe is it possible that the daughter should bee bashfull where the mother is past shame , or that shee should bee continent , where the mother is impudent . the olde prouerbe is , if the mother trot , howe should the daughter amble : but there be some parents , that doe thinke the most speedie way of preferment , is to bring vppe their daughters in audacious boldnesse , to make them impudent and past shame . cato depriued a senitor of rome , but for kissing his wife in the presence of his daughter . we doe not fashion our selues so much by reason , as wee doe by example , for custome and example are arguments good enough to make vs to follow any fashion . we are become like labans sheepe , led by the eye , we conceiue but of what we do see : and the vulgare seeing nothing but apparances , maketh iudgement onely by that which is subiect to the sight . to bee vertuous , why it is a capitall crime , and there is nothing more dangerous then to be securely innocent . our auncients sought for the true effectes of vertue , and we onely but hunt after a vayne popular prayse . how innumerable and ( almost ) ineuitable traps are set in the tract of vertue , and that in all her walks , perhaps we may hyt of some one now and then , that will kisse the vizard of vertue , but shewe them the true face , and you turne all their kisses into curses , there be few that doe vndertake the tract aright , no , our whole studie is how wee may liue in pompe , in pride , in pleasure , but we haue no care at all , neither how to liue , nor how to die well . wee doe seeke rather howe to couer faults , then howe to mend faults , yea , the most sharpest and quickest witted men , those that bee called the wise-men of the world , what bee their policies , or whereunto doe they apply their wits , but to couer their naughtinesse . if they haue a litle good amongst a great deale of ill , they thinke that good to be vtterly lost , that hath not the eyes of the world to witnesse it , and to giue it an applause , so that if they doe any good , it is but to the end to bee seene and to be praysed by men , for in secret they will doe nothing . if they forbeare to doe euill , it is for feare the world should knowe it , and were that feare taken away , they would sticke at nothing . i thinke there is not a more pernicious creature in the world , then is a man , if hee bee both wise and wicked : for where the wit is bribed by affection , there the weapons of reason , are many times wrested , and sometimes managed against reason it selfe , neyther is there any thing that maketh vs to be more vnreasonable , then that which we call naturall reason . the wisedome of the flesh ( that is indued with knowledge ) hath often times more indangered , then the feeble force of simple ignorance . a wicked man indued with litterature , is the wrost of all men , and amongst christians , none more pernicious then the holy hypocrite . origine hath left vnto vs , this caueat for our instruction , the hereticke ( sayth he ) that is of good life , is much more hurtfull , and hath more authoritie in his words , then he that doth discredite his doctrine , with the lewdnes of his life : so that we may conclude those vices to be most abhominable , that are most desirous to looke like vertues : now it were a hard matter for me to distinguish betweene men , who were good and who were bad , but if i might giue my verdict to say who were the wisest men nowe in this age , i would say they were taylers : would you heare my reason , because i doe see the wisedome of women to be still ouer-reached by taylers , that can euery day induce them to as many new fangled fashions , as they please to inuent : and the wisedome of men againe , are as much ouer-reached by women , that canne intice their husbandes to surrender and giue way to all their newe fangled follies : they are taylers then that canne ouer-rule the wisest women , and they be women , that can besot the wisest men : so that if ma. maiors conclusion be good , that because iacke his yongest sonne , ouer-ruled his mother , and iackes mother agayne ouerruled m. maior himselfe , and m. maior by office ouerruled the towne , ergo , the whole towne was ouerruled by iacke , ma. maiors sonne : by the same consequence , i may likewise conclude , that taylers are the wisest men : the reason is alreadie rendered , they doe make vs all fooles , both men and women , and doe mocke the whole worlde with their newe inuentions : but are they women alone that are thus seduced by taylers , doe but looke amongst our gallants in this age , and tell me , if you shall not finde men amongst them to be as vaine , as nice , and as gaudie in their attyres , as shee that amongst women is accounted the most foolish . and howe manie are there , that if they doe thinke themselues to be but a little out of the taylers discipline , they will beginne to grow as melancholy , and to looke as drousily , as the poore amorist , that is but newly stricken to the heart , with the coy aspect of dame folly , his dearest beloued ( and scarce honest ) mistris . wee are forbiden by the scriptures to call our brother foole , this is it that makes mee something to forbeare , yet when i chance to meete with such a newe fangled fellowe , though i say nothing to him , yet god knowes what i thinke . the holy scriptures haue denounced a curse no lesse grieuous to the idole-maker , then to the idole it selfe : now ( vnder the correction of diuinitie ) i would but demaund , what are these puppet-making taylers , that are euery day inuenting of newe fashions , and what are these , that they doe call attyre-makers , the first inuenters of these monstrous periwygs , and the finders out of many other like immodest attyres : what are these , and all the rest of these fashion mongers , the inuenters of vanities , that are euery day whetting their wits to finde out those gaudes , that are not onely offensiue vnto god , but many wayes preiudiciall to the whole common wealth : if you will not acknowledge these to be idolemakers yet you cannot deny them to be the deuils enginers , vngodly instruments , to decke and ornifie such men and women , as may well be reputed to be but idolles , for they haue eyes , but they see not into the wayes of their owne saluation , & they haue eares , but they cannot heare the iudgements of god , denounced against them for their pride and vanitie . these enginers of mischiefe , that like moles doe lye and wrot in sinne , till they haue cast vppe a mount of hatefull enormitie against heauen , they may well be called , the souldiers of the deuill , that will fight against the mightie hand of god. there are certaine new inuented professions , that within these fourtie or fiftie yeares , were not so much as heard of , that are now growne into that generalitie , and are hadde in such request , that if they doe flourish still , but as they haue begunne , i thinke within these very fewe yeares , the worthy cittizens of london , must bee enforced to make choyse of their aldermen , from amongst these new vpstart companies , which in the meane time doe robbe the realme of great summes of money , that are daily spent vpon their vanities . as these attyre-makers , that within these . yeares , were not knowne by that name , and but nowe very lately , they kept their lowzie commoditie of periwygs , and their other monstrous attyres closed in boxes , they might not be seene in open show , and those women that did vse to weare them , would not buy them but in secret . but now they are not ashamed to sette them forth vppon their stalles , such monstrous map-powles of hayre , so proportioned and deformed , that but within these . or thirtie yeares , would haue drawne the passers by to stand and gaze , and to wonder at them . and howe are coach makers and coach-men increased , that fiftie yeares agoe were but fewe in number , but nowe a coach-man , and a foot-boy is enough , and more then euery knight is able to keepe . then haue we those that be called body-makers , that doe swarme through all the parts both of london & about london , that are better customed , and more sought vnto , then he that is the soule maker . and how many items are brought in for the bodies wantonnesse , but not so much as a memorandum for the soules blissednesse . the bodie is still pampered vppe in pompe , in pride , and in the every dropsie of excesse , whilest the soule remayneth , poore , naked , and needy , and the soule that giueth a feeling to the bodie , doth not yet feele her owne euill , nor neuer reremembreth her owne misery , but in the euill which shee there endureth . but he that some fortie or fifty yeares sithens , should haue asked after a pickadilly , i wōder who could haue vnderstood him , or could haue told what a pickadilly had beene , either fish or flesh . but amongst the trades that are newly taken vp , this trade of tobacco doth exceede : and the money that is spent in smoake is vnknowne , and ( i thinke ) vnthought on , and of such a smoake as is more vaine , then the smoake of fayre words , for that ( they say ) will serue to feede fooles , but this smoake maketh fooles of wisemen : mee thinkes experience were enough to teach the most simple witted , that before tobacco was euer knowne in england , that we liued in as perfect health , and as free from sicknesse , as we haue done sithens , and looke vppon those ( whereof there are a number at this present houre ) that did neuer take tobacco in their liues , and if they doe not liue as healthsome in bodie , and as free from all manner of diseases , as those that doe take it fastest : they say it is good for a cold , for a pose , for rewms , for aches , for dropsies , and for all manner of diseases proceeding of moyst humours : but i cannot see but that those that doe take it fastest , are asmuch ( or more ) subiect to all these infirmities , ( yea and to the poxe it selfe ) as those that haue nothing at all to doe with it : then what a wonderfull expence might very well bee spared , that is spent and consumed in this needlesse vanitie . there is not so base a groome , that commes into an ale-house to call for his pot , but he must haue his pipe of tobacco , for it is a commoditie that is nowe as vendible in euery tauerne , inne , and ale house , as eyther wine , ale , or beare , & for apothicaries shops , grosers shops , chaundlers shops , they are ( almost ) neuer without company , that from morning till night are still taking of tobacco , what a number are there besides , that doe keepe houses , set open shoppes , that haue no other trade to liue by , but by the selling of tobacco . i haue heard it tolde that now very lately , there hath bin a cathalogue taken of all those new erected houses that haue set vppe that trade of selling tobacco , in london & neare about london ▪ and if a man may beleeue what is confidently reported , there are found to be vpward of . houses , that doth liue by that trade . i cannot say whether they number apothicaries shoppes , grosers shops , and chaundlers shops in this computation , but let it be that these were thrust in to make vppe the number : let vs now looke a little into the vidimus of the matter , and let vs cast vppe but a sleight account , what the expence might be that is consumed in this smoakie vapoure . if it be true that there be . shops , in and about london , that doth vent tobacco , as it is credibly reported that there be ouer and aboue that number : it may well bee supposed , to be but an ill customed shoppe , that taketh not fiue shillings a day , one day with another , throughout the whole yeare , or if one doth take lesse , two other may take more : but let vs make our account , but after . shillings sixe pence a day , for he that taketh lesse then that , would be ill able to pay his rent , or to keepe open his shop windowes , neither would tobacco houses make such a muster as they doe , and that almost in euery lane , and in euery by-corner round about london . let vs then reckon thus , . halfe crownes a day , amounteth iust to . hundred ninetine thousande . hundred seuentie-fiue poundes a yeare , summa totalis , all spent in smoake . i doe not reckon now what is spent in tauernes , in innes in ale-houses , nor what gentlemen doe spend in their owne houses & chambers , it would amount to a great reckoning , but if i coulde deliuer truly what is spent throughout the whole realme of englande , in that idle vanitie , i thinke it woulde make a number of good people ( that haue anie feare of god in them ) to lament , that such a masse of treasure , should be so basely consumed , that might be imployed to many better purposes . i haue hitherto perused the vayne and idle expences that are consumed in tobacco , now by your fauours , a little to recreate your wearyed spirits , i will acquaint you with a short dialogue , that was sometime discoursed betweene a scholler , and a shoe-maker , which happened thus . a scholler ( and a maister of artes ) that vpon some occasions being here in london , driuen into want , hytting vpon a shooe-maker , beganne to make his mone , and told him that he was a maister of the seauen sciences , that was in some distresse , and besought him to bestowe some small courtesie on him , for his reliefe . the shoe-maker , hauing ouer heard him first wyping his lippes with the backe of his hande , answered him thus : are you a maister of seauen sciences , and goe vppe and downe a begging , i will tell you my friende , i haue but one science , and that consistes but in making of shoes , but with that one science , i doe liue , and with it i doe keepe my selfe , my wife and my family , and you with your seauen sciences to bee in want , i cannot beleeue ye . sir ( said the scholler ) i tell you a true tale , the more is my griefe , i am a scholler , and i haue proceeded maister in the seauen liberall sciences , and yet ( as my fortune hath conducted mee ) i am dryuen into distresse , and would bee glad but of a poore reliefe . aha ( quoth the shoe-maker ) nowe i vnderstand yee , you are a maister of the seauen liberall sciences ▪ i haue heard of those same liberall sciences before , but i perceiue they are not halfe so bountifull to the purse , as they bee liberall in name : well i am sory for ye , but i haue no money to bestow , yet if good counsell would serue your turne , i coulde sette you downe a course , howe you might liue , you shoulde not neede to begge . sir ( sayd the scholler ) good counsell commes neuer out of season , to a man that is wise , i will giue you thankes for any aduise you will giue me that is good . then ( quoth the shoe-maker ) you shall let alone those same seauen sciences that you name to be so liberall , & you shall enter your selfe into any one of the . companyes that haue nowe better taking , and are growne to be more gainefull , then all the seauen sciences , that you haue hitherto learned , and put them all together . and what be those three companies ( sayde the scholler ) that you so much commend . they are three companies ( sayde the shooe-maker ) that are now in most request , and haue gotten all the trade into their owne hands , the first is to keepe an ale house , the . a tobacco house , and the third to keepe a brothell house . i haue done with my dialogue ▪ and i thinke of my conscience the shoe-maker aymed something neare the marke , for he that did but see the abundance of ale-houses , that are in euery corner , i thinke he would wonder , howe they coulde one liue by another , but if he did beholde againe , how they are all replenished with drunkardes , euery houre in the daie ( and almost euery minute in the night ) and did yet agayne see their beastly demeanures , heare their blasphemies and their vngodly words , their swearing and their ribauldrie , would tremble for feare , least the house should sinke . for tobacco houses and brothell houses , ( i thanke god for it ) i doe not vse to frequent them , but actiue mindes must haue exercise , and i thinke to auoyd the inconuenience of a brothell house , it were better of the twayne , to sitte in a tobacco house . it hath beene a great faction , that in former ages , would still vndertake to support bawdery , and they haue bin better men then iustices of peace , that would both countenance a curtizan , and boulster out a bawd. these poore harlots haue sometimes bin brought to ride in a cart , when the silken strumpets ( perhaps ) haue ryden in coaches : but there are no harlots nowe a dayes , but those that are poore , for shee that hath any friendes at all to take her part , who dares call her harlot . some good mans liuery , the countenance of an office , the bribing of a constable , or any thing will serue and shee that hath not twenty companiōs at a becke , that will stick to her at a dead lift , let her ride in a cart in the deuils name , shee deserues no better . should i now speake of spirituall whordome , which the scriptures doe call idolatry , i dare scarce speake against it , for offending of papistes , that were neuer more dangerous , then they be at this houre . i remember that many yeeres sithens , i sawe a fewe printed lynes , intituled , the blazon of a papist , written by some herauit of armes , that had pretily contriued a papist in the compasse of armory . hee first made description of a papist rampant , a furious beast , and although it be written , that the deuill goeth about like a roaring lyon , yet the deuill himselfe is not more fierce and rigorous , then is a papist , where he is of force and abilitie to shew his tyranny , witnesse the murthers , the massacers the slaughters the poysoning , the stabbing , the burning , the broyling , the torturing , the tormenting , the persecuting , with their other bloudie executions , euery day fresh in example , infinite to be told , and horrible to be remembred . the next is a papist passant , this is an instrument of sedition , of insurrection , of treason , of rebellion , a priest , a iesuite , a seminary , and such other as doe finde so many friends in england , and in ireland , both to receiue & harbour them , as it is much to bee feared , wee shall finde the smart of it in time to come : we haue then a papist volant , i thinke amongst the rest , these can doe least harme , yet they will say they flie for their consciences , when it is knowne well enough , they doe both practise and conspire . then there is a papist regardant , he obserueth times , occasions , places , and persons , and although he be one of the popes lutely gencers , yet he walketh with such circumspection and heede , that hee is not knowne , but to his owne faction . we are now come to a papist dormant , a slye companion , subtill as a foxe , he sleepes with open eyes , yet sometymes seeming to winke , he lookes and pryes into opporrunities , still feeding himselfe with those hopes , that i am in hope , shall neuer doe him good . there is yet againe a papist couchant , this is a dangerous fellow , and much to be feared , he creepes into the bosome of the state , and will not sticke to looke into the court , nay ( if he can ) into court counsels , he will shewe himselfe tractable to common wealths prescriptions , and with this shew of obedience to law , he doth the pope more seruice , then twentie others , that are more resisting . the last we will speake of , is the papist pendant , indeede a papist pendant is in his prime perfection : a papist pendant is so fitting a peece of armory for the time present , as all the herauldes in englande are not able better to display him , a papist is then in chiefe , when hee is pendant , and hee neuer commes to so high preferment , but by the popes especiall blessing . but if lawes were as well executed as they be enacted , popery could not so spread it selfe as it doth , neyther in englād nor in irelande , nor it could not bee but that these diuelish practises of poysons , of pistoles , of stabbing kniues , and of gunne-pouder traynes , would bee important motiues , to stir vppe the considerations of those that be in authority , to spy out these masked creatures , that haue tongs for their prince , but doe reserue their hearts for their pope . but alas good vertue , art thou becomme so faint hearted , that thou wilt not discouer thy selfe , that art thus iniuried : i wis thou hadst neuer more need to look about thee , i would i could wish thee for a time to put away patience , and to becomme a little while cholericke , if not for their sakes that do loue thee , yet for thine owne security , if vice dare take boldnesse to offend , why should not vertue take courage to correct : but i know it is but losse of tyme to speake against popery , and as little it will preuaile to speake against any manner of sinne , yet we want no positiue lawes whereby to bridle abuse , but the example of a good life in those that should minister the due execution of those lawes , would bee more effectuall then the lawes themselues , because the actions of those that be placed in authoritie , are receiued by the common people , for precepts and instructions . but the greatest number of them , doe rather shewe their authorities in correcting of other mens faults , then in mending their owne , and it is hard , when hee that cannot order his owne life , should yet bee made a minister to correct the misdemeanours of others : there can neuer be good discipline amongst inferious , where there is but bad example in superiours : but where superiours haue beene more ready to support sinne , then to punish sinne , and when a noblemans liuery was countenance good enough to keepe a drunkard from the stockes , an adulterer from the cart , and sometimes a theefe from the gallowes : when knowne strumpets , could vaunt themselues to be supported and vpholden by great persons , and to receiue such countenance from them , that it was holden for a maxime amongst a great number of young wantons , that to surrender themselues to the lust of such men as were in great place & authoritie , was the next way to get preferment , and to winne them many friendes . this was it that made a number of yong women ( in those times ) to shake off the vayles of shamefastnes , and to offer the vse of their intemperate bodies to common prostitution , though not verbally in wordes , yet vnder the showes of their gaudie and gadish attiers . i am not yet ignorant but that in these dayes there bee a number of women , that in respect of any abuse of their bodies are both good and honest , and yet if wee should iudge of them but according to their outwarde shewes , they doe seeme more curtizan like , then euer was lais of corinth , or flora of rome . the ancient romanes prohibited all sortes of people as well menne as women , from wearing of any light coloured silkes , or any other gaudie garments , players and harlotes onely excepted , for to them there was tolleration in regard of their professions . there is mention made of a canon in the ciuill lawe , where it was ordayned , that if a man did offer violence to any woman , were shee neuer so vertuous and honest , yet attyred like a strumpet , shee hadde no remedie agaynst him by law. and we doe finde it testified , of a great lady , who vppon some occasion of busines , casting ouer her a light coloured vayle , and being thus met withall by a young gallant , hee beganne to court her with complements of loue , the which the lady taking in great disdaine , reproued his saucinesse , that would offer that disgrace , to her that was honest , that shee was not as shee seemed to be to the outward shewe : the young gallant as angry as shee , returned her this answere . be what you list to be ( sayd he ) i know not what you be , but if your honestie bee such as you say , be so attyred then , or els be as you are attyred : vertue is neuer decked vp with externall pompe , to procure respect , her very countenance is full of maiestie , that commaundeth admiration , in all that doe behold her . it hath beene questioned , whether chastitie ioyned with vanitie , doth merite any commendation or no , but that a proud and a gaudie garment should shroud an humble or a modest mind , it is rara auis in terris ▪ a matter seldome scene but this is out of doubt , that this ouermuch affected folly , doth liue with no lesse suspected honestie . shee is but an ill huswife therefore of her owne credite , that will bring it into construction . the philosophers would ayme at the inner disposition of the minde , by the externall signes of the bodie , affirming , that the motions of the body are the true voyces of the mind . augustus on a time of great assembly , obserued with diligence , what company they were that courted his . daughters , liuia and iulia , who perceiuing the first to bee frequented with graue and wise senators , and the other againe to be solicited , with witlesse and wanton roysters , he discouered thereby their seuerall dispositions : being not ignorant , that custome and company doth for the most part simpathize to gether , according to the prouerbe , simile simili gaudet , like will to like , quoth the deuill to the collier . a womans blush is a signe of grace , and a good woman will quickly blush at many thinges , nay , it were enough to make a vertuous woman to blush , but to thinke with her selfe that shee could not blush . the blush of a womans face is an approbation of a chast and an honest mind , and a manifest signe that shee doth not approue any intemperate actions or any other wanton speeches or demeanores , that are eyther offered to her selfe , or to any other in her presence . the woman that forgetteth to blush , it is an argument that shee is past grace , for shamefastnesse is not onely a brydle to sinne , but it is likewise the common treasury of feminine vertue . the bold audacious woman , cannot but be taxed of impudency , it is one of the notes that salomon giueth , whereby to distinguish a good woman from a bad . the beautie of behauiour , is more precious in estimation , then the beautie of the bodie , and the woman that will maintaine her credite , must not be too conuersant : but the time rather serueth to looke babyes in womens eyes , then to picke out moates . yet i am sory for some of them , that ( i thinke ) will care little for going to heauen , because there is no good coach-way . licurgus ordayned the laconian women , the exercise of their limmes , as running , leaping , wrastling , heauing and throwing of waights . these exercises hee permitted , whereby to increase their vigor & strength , that their propagation & of-spring might be the more strong and sturdie . but now , our women are trained vp in idlenesse , in ignorance , in pride , in delicacy , & their issue ( for the most part ) are leaning to their mothers constitutions ; feeble of bodie , weake in minde effeminate and fearefull , fitter to ryde in a curtizans coach vp and downe the streets , then to bestride a stirring horse in the fielde , and doe knowe better howe to mannage a tobacco-pipe , then howe to charge a pyke or a lance. the laconian women brought foorth a propagation of men of haughty courage , able both in bodie and minde , to serue their countrey , to defend and fight for their liberties , but our women in these times , they bring a generation of mearockes , that doe bend their whole endeuours to effeminatenicitie , to pride and vanitie . cato being censurer to make choise of a generall for the panoman warres , openly disgraced and dismissed publius , because he had seene him to walke the streets of rome perfumed : but now our gallants doe thinke themselues nothing more disgraced , if they be not so perfumed , be spiced , and be poudered , that a man may well vent them the breadth of a streete . and from whence commeth this wearing , & this imbrodering of long lockes , this curiositie that is vsed amongst men , in freziling and curling of their hayre , this gentlewoman-like starcht bands , so be edged , and be laced , fitter for mayd marion in a moris dance , then for him that hath either that spirit or courage , that should be in a gentleman . but amongst all the rest of these ill becomming follies , that are now newly taken vppe , ( me thinkes ) these yellow starcht bandes shoulde bee euer best suited , with a yellowe coate . i haue heard of a gentle-man that protested himselfe to bee so fierce and furious , if hee were but a little displeased , that during the time whilest his anger did last , he neuer durst looke in a glasse , for feare he should affraight himselfe with the terrour of his owne lookes . and are not our gentlemen in as dangerous a plight now ( i meane these apes of fancy ) that doe looke so like attyre-makers maydes , that for the dainty decking vp of themselues , might sit in any seamsters shop in all the exchange . me thinkes a looking glasse should be a dangerous thing for one of them to view himselfe in , for falling in loue with his owne lookes , as narcissus did with his owne shadow . i am yet perswaded , that our women in this age are as really endued with natures abilities , as they haue beene in times past , but they doe faile in that education that they had in times past , they doe now ( for the most part of them ) see nothing but vanitie , neyther doe i thinke , but that the same defect is it , that so infeebleth their of-spring . but i cannot altogether blame the carelesnes of the world , that it is become so sparing of good endeuours , when there is neyther rewarde nor recompence for good desert , nor scarce so much as a memorandum , for the most honourable enterprise , how worthily so euer performed . we doe read of forraine estates , euen at this present time , what care they haue in rewarding the good , and punishing the ill , and in these two poynts , that is , as i haue sayd , in rewarding and punishing , consisteth so high a policie of good gouernment , that it may well bee sayd , that the turkes , the persians , the tartarians , and many other barbarous infidels , haue built the foundation of their estates , especially vppon that ground worke , and haue aduanced themselues to that greatnesse , that they be now growne vnto , onely by these vertues , in rewarding the good and punishing the ill . for whom reward they , but captaines and souldiers , or where vse they liberalitie , but in the field amongst weapons . how seuere againe are they , in punishing of those , that do beare themselues carelessely in their places and offices committed vnto them , yea , they keepe no meane in disgracing base cowardly mindes , nor in honouring of haughty spirits , and valiant souldiers . but with vs , our parasites , our panders , our fauourets , our fidelers , our fooles , our instruments of ambition , our ministers of our wanton pleasures shall be rewarded , but wee neuer cherish wisedome , till wee haue cause to vse her counsell , and then ( perhaps ) shee may bee rewarded with some court holy water wordes , and which wee will bestowe , but for our owne aduantage , & when our turne is serued , our kindnes is estranged . the world is not now the world that it hath beene , when the sauing of a romane citizen , was rewarded with honor , the humoure of preseruing our country is now spent , there is not a curtius now to be found , and where should we seeke for another sceuola . desert , may now goe to cart , and he that cannot ruffell it out in silkes , will hardly gette passage in at a great mans gate . hee that is thought to bee poore , is neuer thought to bee wise , nor fit to haue the managing of any matter of importance , all is well accepted that is spoken by authoritie , but truth it selfe is not beleeued , if it proceede from the mouth of pouertie . by this contempt of pouertie , vice hath beene aduanced , and sithens riches haue thus crept into credite , the worlde is rather growne to giue way to the humour of a rich foole , then to followe the direction of a poore wiseman . let vs no we a little looke into the actions of this age , and speake truly , when was vertue and honestie more despised , when was pride , ryot , and excesse , more inordinate , when was adultery , and all other vnchast liuing , either more apparant or lesse punished , when were all manner of abhominations more tollerated , when those that should minister correction , will sometimes fauour their owne vices in others , euery man accounting that to bee most excellent in fashion , that is most taken vppe and en-vred , by those that be most vicious . thou shalt not follow the multitude to doe euill , the commandement of the liuing god , exod. . but for these adulterers , these drunkards , these swearers , these blasphemers , they haue made a sacrifice of their owne soules to the deuill , & haue cast of all care , both of honour and honestie . but to leaue the generall , and to come to the perticular , i tell thee thou adulterer , i speake it to thy face , that besides the poxe , and many other loath some diseases , that are incident to whore-maisters whilst they liue in this world , thy hot burning fire of lust , will bring thee to the hot burning fire of hell. and i tell thee diues , that pamperest thy selfe in excesse , whilst lazarus lyeth crying out at thy gate , readie to famish , lazarus shall be comforted , when thou shalt intreat , but for one drop of cold water , to coole thy tongue . and thou beastly drunkard , thou monster of nature , that amongst all other sinners art the most base and seruile : if a drunkard were as seldome to be seene as the bird of arabia , he would be more wondered at , then the owle , & more loathed then the swine . how many crafts men that will labour all the weeke , for that which on sun-day they will spend in an ale-house , that will there most beastly consume in drinke , that would relieue their poore wiues and children at home , that other whiles doe want wherewith to buy them bread. but if drunkennesse were not so common as it is , a number of tauernes , and ale-house keepers , might shutte vppe their doores , but the custome of it doth make it so conuersant , that it taketh away the sence of sinne . the generallitie of it , i shall not neede to expresse , when there is no feasting , no banqueting , nor almost anie merrie meeting , but drunkennesse must bee a principall guest : and what a glory is it after the incounter of their cups , for one drunkard , to see another carryed away vppon mens shoulders to the beds . the fruits of drunkennes haue beene very well knowne , since lot committed incest with his owne daughters , since alexander kild his clitus , and since lucius pius obtained that victory against his enemies , by making of them drunke , that hee coulde neuer attayne vnto , so long as they were sober . when the fume of the drinke once beginnes to ascend to the braine , the mind is oppressed with idle thoughts , which spurreth on the tongue , to contentious quarrelling , to slandering , backbiting , to idle and beastly talking , to swearing and blaspheming , and in the ende , to stabbing and murthering . i neuer yet knewe a drunkard to be fitte for any good or godly exercise : and caesar was wont to say , that hee stoode more in doubt of brutus and cassius , that were noted to bee sober , then he did of drunken marcus antonius . let him be of what title he list , if he be a drunkarde , doe but strippe him out of his gay cloathes , and scrape his name out of the heraulds booke , and he is without eyther euidence or preheminence of the basest rascall , that euer was drunke in an ale-house . now i tell thee againe thou swearer and blasphemer , that the heauie curse of god is still depending ouer thy head : thou that vppon euery light occasion , dost polute the name of god , that is to bee reuerenced and feared , and doest sette that tongue which by the right of creation , shoulde bee the trumpet , to sound forth his glory , thou doest make it the instrument to prophane and blaspheme his holy name . how many blasphemous wretches are there in these daies , that do make oathes their pastime , & will sweare vpon pleasure & he that hath not for euery word an oath , & can sweare voluntarily without any cause , is holden to be but of a weak spirit , a signe of want of courage : and he that should reproue him in his blasphemies , they say hee is a puritan , a precise foole , not fitte to hold a gentleman company : their greatest glory , and the way to shewe themselues generous , is to sette their tongues against heauen , and to abuse that name , at the which they should tremble and quake with feare . in the commandements of the first table , god himselfe is the obiect , for they immediately appertaine vnto him , and therfore , he that taketh his name in vaine ( i thinke ) displeaseth god asmuch or more , as he that against the commaundement of the second table , committeth murther , and therfore those positiue lawes , that doe so seuerely punish the actuall breaches of the second table , without any respect to the sinnes that are committed against the first , were rather sette downe by the policies of men , then by the rule of the written word of god. he that should but touch a man in credite ( if he be a man of any sort or calling ) that should impeach his reputation , or slaunder his good name , there wanteth no good lawes to vexe and molest him , and to inflict those punishments vpon him , that they will make him to cry peccaui : but hee that should depraue god in his maiestie , that shall depriue him of his glory , or blaspheme his holy name , there is no maner of lawe whereby to correct him , there is not so much as a write of scandalum magnatum , to be granted against him . a common swearer hath no excuse to pleade in his owne defence , but doth shew himselfe to be abondslaue to the deuill , and a fire brand of hell . god himselfe hath pronounced against him : the lord will not holde him guiltlesse that taketh his name in vaine , and the vision of the flying booke , seene by zacharias , that was twelue cubits in length , and tenne in breadth , doth witnesse that the curses are many , that are written , and doe hang in record against swearers . i thinke bribery is no sinne at all , or if it be , it is but veniall , a light offence , a matter of no reckoning to account on . it is like the disease morbus gallicus , which in poore men we vse plaine dealing , & call it the poxe , but in great personages , a little to gilde ouer the loathsomnesse , wee must call it the gowt , or the sciatica : so that which amongst inferiors we call a bribe , in superiors it is called a gift , a present , a gratification . if a lawyer for a fee of tenne shillinges , doe sometymes take tenne poundes , it is a curtesie , a beneuolence , but these curtesies and kindnesses are bestowed with asmuch good will as the true man , when he giueth his purse to the theefe . yet he that hath iudgement to giue a bribe with discretion , may worke wonders , he may run through-stitch with any businesse . iacob by sending of presents , may appease the anger of esau . claudius by giuing of bribes may escape correctiō , though he commit sacriledge in the temple of minerua . thou shalt take no gifts , for the gift bindeth the wise , and peruerteth the words of the righteous , exod. . but to make an end of this text , i will but adde thus much , that the giuing and taking of bribes , and the buying and selling of offices , are . such plague sores to a common wealth where they be suffered , that they are no lesse hurtfull to the prince , then preiudiciall to the poore subiect . should i speake nowe of couetousnesse , of vsury , and of pride . couetousnesse is a sin that euermore hath beene hated , and vsury is a sinne that the world hath still detested . but the pride of these times ( if it were well considered ) is much more odious in the sight of god , & many wayes more pernicious to the common wealth , then both those other of couetousnesse and vsury , that are ( and haue euer bin ) accounted so loathsome . couetousnesse ( i confesse ) is the curre , that thinketh nothing to be vnlawfull that bringeth in gaine , it is the canker , that eateth and deuoureth the gettings of the poore . it is the viper that spareth neyther friend nor foe , vertuous nor vicious , but where there is golde to be gotten , it teareth the very intrailes of whom soeuer . he yeeldeth yet a reason for his scraping , and pleades the feare of want , alledging , that his greedie heaping and gathering together , to be but a christian-like care that euerie man should haue to prouide for his family . simonides being demanded why he beganne to growe so miserable in his latter yeares , to fall a hurding vp of riches , when he was readie for the graue , to acquit himselfe of a couetous disposition , answered : because ( sayd hee ) i had rather haue goods to leaue to mine enemies , when i am dead , then to stand in neede of my friends , whilst i am aliue . thus wee may see there is not a vice so odible , but they haue skill to maske it , with the visard of vertue . and the vsurer on the other side , he pleades not guiltie : nay , he will hardly be perswaded , that vsury is any sinne at all , or if it be a sinne , it is such a sin , as it lies in his owne will and disposition , what manner of sin hee himselfe will make of it , whether a little sinne or a great sin , or a sinne of any assize , that he himselfe doth list to forme or fashion it . nowe the vsurer doth acknowledge that the scriptures doe prohibite the taking of vsury , and ( sayth hee ) so god himselfe hath commaunded , thou shalt not steale . now for a rich man to be a theefe , euery man can say hee deserues to be hanged : but for a poore man that is ready to famish , and in his necessitie , hee stealeth a loafe of bread to saue his life , here is now a theft cōmitted , & a direct breach of gods commandement , yet to be comiserated . from hence they would inferre a tolleration in some persons , namely , to men that be aged , to widdowes and to orphanes : and there be some that publiquely in writing , haue maintained a tolleration to be had in these , and do thinke it a matter drawing nearer charitie , for these to make profite of their money , rather then to waste or spend awaie the stocke . here is yet a second collection that is gathered by the vsurer , yet ( sayth he ) if a man be driuen into that necessitie , that he is inforced to steale ( though it be but a loafe of bread for his reliefe ) yet the theft is to be accounted so much the more , or so much the lesse , in respect of the person from whom it is committed , for in such a case , to steale from him that is rich , the robbery is nothing so intollerable in the eies of the world as for him that is poore to steale from another , no lesse poore then himselfe : therefore ( sayth the vsurer ) we may take vse of him that is rich , so we haue a conscience to him that is poore , and to fortifie his conceit , he alledgeth certaine places of scripture : if thou lend money to my people , that is , to the poore , thou shalt take no vsury , exod. . here is nowe no prohibition but that we may take vse of those that be rich , it is but the poore that are only excepted . and wee are yet agayne forbidden that wee shoulde take no vsury , but it is of thy brother that is falne in decay , leui. . when the deuill came to tempt our sauiour christ , hee beganne with scriptum est , and the vsurer to salue vp that sinne that all ages hath detested , all places haue denounced , & all good men haue euer abhorred , haue learned of the deuill to alledge the holy scriptures . but vsury is forbidden by gods owne mouth , and therefore sinne , neyther is that reliefe to be found in it that many do expect , for wher it maketh show to giue , there it taketh , & where it pretēdeth to succour , there againe it doth oppresse . and therefore hee that seeketh to assist himselfe by the helpe of the vsurer , is like the poore sheepe , that seeketh in a storme to shrowde himselfe vnder a bramble , where hee is sure to leaue some of his wool behind him . there hath beene question made of vsury , what it is , for some woulde haue it to consist onely , in the letting out of money , according to the letter as it is written , thou shalt not giue to vsury to thy brother , deut. . other some doe thinke him to be as great an vsurer , that taketh excessiue gaines in any thing , as the other that taketh vse for his money . he would vpholde his reason thus , if a poore man that is driuen into distresse , should come to borrowe the summe of twentie shillings of a monyed man , vppon a garment ( or some other pawne ) that not long before had cost him fortie : promising within one moneth or two , not onely to redeeme his pawne , but also to giue him reasonable vse for the loane of his money . he is answered that to lend money vpon vsury is against the rule of gods word , and therefore ( to auoyde that sinne ) if he will fell his garment out right , hee will buy it ( if twentie shillings be his price ) but other money he will not lend , nor a greater summe he will not giue . the poore man inforced by necessitie , is dryuen to take that twentie shillings , and to forgoe his garment , which he had beene better to haue pawned to an vsurer , though hee had payd him after sixe pence , or eyght pence , yea , or after twelue pence a moneth , if it hadde beene for a whole yeare together . there bee some that will in no wise acknowledge this to be vsury , but let them distinguish howe they list , if i should giue my censure , i would say it were flat knauery . euery man can call him an vsurer , that setteth out his money , but hee that taketh aduantage of his poore neighbours necessitie , as when he knoweth him to be enforced to sell for neede , he will then haue it at his owne price , or hee will not buy : and when he is constrayned agayne ( by occasion ) to buy , he will make him then to pay deare for his necessitie , yet howsoeuer he oppresse him eyther in buying or selling ( they say ) it is no vsury , it is but honest trade and traffique . he that selleth vpon trust , if it bee but for one moneth or sixe weekes , and maketh the buyer to pay fiftie shillings for that which in readie money , he might haue bought for ▪ is he not an vsurer . these shop-keepers that can blind mens eyes with dym and obscure lights , and deceiue their eares with false & flattering words , be they not vsurers . these tradesmen that can buy by one weight , and sell by another , by they not vsurers . these marchants that doe robbe the realme , by carrying away of corne , lead , tinne , hydes , leather , and such other like , to the impouerishing of the common wealth , bee they not vsurers . these farmers that doe hurde vppe their corne , butter , & cheefe , but of purpose to make a dearth , or that if they thinke it to rayne but one houre to much , or that a drought doe last but two dayes longer then they thinke good , will therfore the next market day hoyse vp the prises of all manner of victuall , be not these vsurers . the land-lordes that doe sette out their liuings at those high rates , that their tenants that were wont to keepe good hospitalitie , are not nowe able to giue a peece of bread to the poore , be they not vsurers . if these , and such other like capitall crimes , be not reputed to be vsury , let them guilde them ouer with what other titles they list , i think them to be as ill ( or worse ) then vsury . if the bookes of moses be aduisedly considered of , there be as dangerous menaces against great purchacers , as there be against vsurers ▪ and god himselfe hath sayd , thou shalt not couet thy neighbours house , and our sauiour christ hath pronoūced a wo , vnto him that ioyneth house to house , or lād to land . i would not haue men therefore to flatter themselues too much , or to thinke themselues more honest then ( indeede ) they be ▪ for if we relye so much vppon the bare letter , hee breaketh the commandements of god in as expresse a manner , that hath money in his purse , and will not lend to his needie neighbour , as hee that lendeth money to vse : for the same god that forbiddeth to take vsury , sayth againe , thou shalt not shut vp thy compassion , but shalt lend : and dauid in his . psalme sayth , a good man is mercifull and lendeth . our blessed sauiour agayne in the . of luke , doe good & lend looking for nothing againe . it followeth then , when a man is enforced by necessitie , to borrowe , he that hath money and will not lend , is no better then an vsurer . and as he is thus commanded to lend , so he is enioyned againe not to keepe his neighbours pawne , if thou take thy neighbours rayment to pledge , thou shalt restore it before the sunne goe downe , exod. . and for feare of forgetting , in the . of deut. it is yet againe itterated in these wordes , if it bee a poore body , thou shalt not sleepe with his pledge . so that wee may conclude , the vsurer , that will not lend but for gaine , the miser that will not lend at all , the land-lord that racketh vppe his rents , the farmer that hoyseth vp the market , the marchant that robbeth the realme , and all the rest what some euer , that doe oppresse the poore , they are all in one predicament , and may bee all called the deuils iorny-men , for they doe the deuils iorny worke . here is now to be considered , that these loathed sinnes of couetousnes and vsury , though they haue pleaded in their owne excuses , yet they haue euermore beene condemned euen from the beginning , and so they are continued euen at this present houre . but this monstrous sin of pride , for the which the angels were throwne out of heauen , & by the which the vengeance of god hath beene so many times drawne vppon this globe of earth , it is now growne into a fashion , and it is become so general , that it is but in vaine for any man to speak against it . it is community that taketh away the sence , and then example is it that bloteth out the shame , for the power of example being so common as it is , is a motiue good enough , to perswade that pride is no sinne , which is in such generalitie amongst them that be of the best account . pride if in a prince , it ruines the loue of his subiects , if amongst subiects , it breedeth neglect of dutie to the prince , if in any states-man , it draweth contempt , both of prince and subiect : the pride of this age is growne to that height , that wee canne hardly knowe a prince from a pesant , by the view of his apparrell , and who is able by the outward show , to discerne betweene nobilitie and seruilitie , to knowe a lord from a lowt , a lady from a landresse , or to distinguish betweene a man of worthinesse and a base groome , that is not worth the clothes that belonges to his backe they doe shine in silke , in siluer , in golde , and that from the head , to the very heele . with titles , with worship , and with words , we may distinguish estates , but we cannot discerne them by their apparell . it is pride that hath depryued the angels of the ioyes of heauen , it hath beene the ouerthrow of kingdomes , & common wealthes here vpon the earth , it is the inhanuser of all our miseries nowe in this age : it hath banished hospitalitie and good house-keeping , it hath raysed the rates and prises of all things , it breedeth dearth & scarsitie , it inforceth theft and robbery , it is pride that filleth the prisons , and bringeth numbers to the gallowes , it is onely pride , that impouerisheth cittie , towne , and country , it is it that maketh so many townes-men and trades-men to play banckropt . it is pride , that hath expelled our yeomandry , that hath impouerished our gentility , it hath replenished the realme with bare and needie knights , and it threatneth a worse succeeding mischiefe , then i dare set downe with my pen. it is pride , that hath banished hospitalitie , and where hospitalitie is once putte to flight , there charitie doth seldome shewe his face , for charitie is so combined with hospitality , that where the one becommeth lame , the other immediately begins to halt . i did neuer beleeue the popes transubstantiation , but now i see charitie is transubstantiated into braue apparrell , when we shall see him that in a hat-band , a scarse , a payre of garters , and in roses for his shoe-strings , will bestow more money , then would haue bought his great grandfather , a whole suite of apparrell to haue serued him for sun-dayes . thus we doe see , it is pride that wasteth and consumeth all things to vphold it selfe , it destroyeth both loue & hope , it is pernicious in the poore , it is maligned in the rich , neyther can a prince himselfe that is proud , bee able to shroude himself from cōtempt of the vulgare , but he shal be despised . marry the best sport in this sinne of pride is this , we shall neuer see two proud persons , but the one will enuie and despise the other , for pride doth malice pride , & it will mocke and scorne at that pride in another , that it will neuer marke nor see in it selfe : it is a vice that is left destitute of all helpe or defence , or of friendes , it was expelled from heauen , and it is the most consuming plague , that may happen vpon the earth , and the best reward that belongeth to it , is the burning fire of hell. tell me nowe thou proud presumptuous flesh , hast thou not reason to turne ouer another leafe , when wrath seemeth so to threaten , as though there were no sauing fayth left vpon the earth . nature hath sufficiently taught vs to lift vppe the hande before the head , because the head is more worthy then the hand , and the spirit of god that hath created this nature , should it not teach vs to forsake our owne willes , and to giue place vnto his , without the which our willes could not be . we doe neglect the iudgements of god , and notwithstanding the myracles he hath shewed vnto vs , we aske with pharao , who is the lord , but we doe not lay holde of them to our instruction , perhaps we may sometimes wonder at them but neuer profit by them . i haue thus farre presumed to thrust my lynes into the wide worlde , to abide the fury of all weathers , if they proue distastfull to some palates , yet i hope there bee other some , that will better relish them , for those that shall thinke them too tart , let them vse them in the stead of veriuyce , for sweete meates are euer best relished with souresauce . finis . epilogus . now after . bookes by me alreadie published , to make them vp iust . dosen , and for my last farewell to the printers presse , i haue tasked my selfe to such a kinde of subiect , as is better fitting to be roughly rubbed with a reprehending veritie , then slightly to be blanched ouer with any smoothing flattery . i knowe i shall offend a number , for i haue inueighed against sinnes and that of seuerall sorts , perhaps some will say i am too bitter , but can we be too serious in exclaiming against pride , against adulterie , against drunkennesse , against blasphemy , and against such other , and so great impietie , as i thinke since it rayned fire and brim-stone vppon sodome and gomorah , there was neuer the like : if it be not now time then , both to speake and to write against those abhominations , it is high time the world were at an end . i haue not medled with any thing that is repugnant to religion : and for matters of state it fits me not to deale withall , for satyryck inueyghing at any mans pryuate person it is farre from my thought ; yet i am sure to want no censuring , but i haue armed my selfe against all those reproches , wherwith malice it selfe is able to loade me , my soule and conscience bearing witnes that my intent hath beene no other , then to drawe men into a due consideration , how much they loose of time , in hunting after vanities : then lette detraction whet his tongue and spare not , if i displease any , if they be not such as are but weake of iudgement , i am then sure they bee such , as doe knowe themselues to bee faultie . finis . the message of john lambert esq, in answer to the proclamation this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason .f. [ ]). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing m thomason .f. [ ] estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; : f [ ]) the message of john lambert esq, in answer to the proclamation lambert, john, - , attributed name. sheet ([ ] p.) printed for iames dukeson, london : . a satire, signed "john lambert.", in response to a proclamation of parliament, dated feb. . annotation on thomason copy: "feb: . ". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng lambert, john, - -- humor -- early works to . england and wales. -- parliament -- humor -- early works to . satire, english -- th century. a r (thomason .f. [ ]). civilwar no the message of john lambert esq, in answer to the proclamation. [lambert, john] a this text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the message of john lambert esq , in answer to the proclamation . i have not been so long versed in the interest and concern of this state , ( in whose greatest affairs ( since a commonwealth was imagined , and accordingly framed by an army ) i have deserved the name of a second ) as to startle at the sound of a proclamation , and quit my hopes and designs , or surrender at the first summons , which scares none but cowards and men unprovided : i see 't is oftentimes the fortune of greatness and ambition to be clouded and eclipsed , as 't is likewise the more eximious and conspicuous lustre of such grandeur to redeem and recover its self from its ruines and obscurity . the great marius tasted of this vicissitude while he lurked in the fens of minturnae , and yet a more popular person great rome afforded not . shall i gratifie by the meanness of a never yet dejected spirit , the impossible intrigues of my rival ? and must i and my fame be , prostituted to the pleasure and lubet of a treaty victory ? shall i disarm my minde , and abandon my self and my friends ( whose number and courage lackt but its proportion of wisdom , ) and kneel at a bar , that have passed the pikes and defy'd artillerie ? rather let as much reproach stick on my atchievements in the camp , as on my wives feats in the bed . of how much and great importance the very name of a general is , this last half year hath amply informed the nation : and can it be rationally thought that i will forgo that title , and become a private person , further then this my present retirement ? i know i am designed a sacrifice to the peoples liberty , whom the interruption and violation of this present parliament most highly displeaseth . but am i thereforc onely to be blamed ? why not fleetwood , whitlock ? all the burthen must ( it seems ) rest upon my shoulders , that have more then i can well bear already on my head ? or else is it but a fetch , and a specious pretence , thereby utterly to disable and weaken my interest in the army , and so to make room for a new gamester . well , my fates , ( for i scorn to whine with my friend desborow ) do you pardon me . i disdain mercy , 't is a word not befitting a great minde ; if i have betrayed or slighted the good and common benefit of three kingdoms , i have undone my self , and so may others , and that 's some part of satisfaction to my country . yet , why may there not be a lucky reserve , and a fortunate aftergame for me , while i have the long legs of the anabaptists instead of fortunes forelock to hold by . sir george booth and i are now in the same predicament ( saving my inviolable liberty , that nolime tangere , for all generall moncks fierceness ) my comfort is the ananias's will not purchase my estate , no more then the presbyters will sir george's , and i do not know who else will or can , for the cavaliers have no money , and besides are no such good state-husbands : well , adieu , fare ye well , if any one enquire after me , i am in the pursuit of sir thomas midleton . john lambert . london printed for iames dukeson . . the western wonder, or, o brazeel, an inchanted island discovered with a relation of two ship-wracks in a dreadful sea-storm in that discovery : to which is added, a description of a place, called, montecapernia, relating the nature of the people, their qualities, humours, fashions, religions, &c. head, richard, ?- ? approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing h estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the western wonder, or, o brazeel, an inchanted island discovered with a relation of two ship-wracks in a dreadful sea-storm in that discovery : to which is added, a description of a place, called, montecapernia, relating the nature of the people, their qualities, humours, fashions, religions, &c. head, richard, ?- ? [ ], p. printed for n.c., london : . reproduction of original in cambridge university library. attributed to richard head. cf. nuc pre- . a satire on ireland and wales. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english. voyages, imaginary. ireland -- anecdotes -- early works to . wales -- anecdotes -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - john pas sampled and proofread - john pas text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the western wonder : or , o brazeel , an inchanted island discovered ; with a relation of two ship-wracks in a dreadful sea-storm in that discovery . to which is added , a description of a place , called , montecapernia , relating the nature of the people , their qualities , humours , fashions , religion , &c. london , printed for n. c. m.dc.lxxiv . five scenes o brazeel : or , the inchanted island . new discoveries of late , are as much admired as miracles of old , and as difficultly believed , notwithstanding the variety of apparent proofs which demonstrate their undoubted verity ; and without question this incredulity proceeds from no other cause , than the abuse of belief , occasioned by such monstrous fictions as the isle of pines , a new world in the moon , with the like lunatick stories , by which the credulous world hath been misguided into a faith wholly preposterously erroneous and ridiculous . that our present discourse of this new discovery of o brazeel , may not be suspected of the like lying reports , it will be requisite to inquire whether there was , first , ever any such place ? and next , whether yet it hath a being ? that there was an island called o brazeel , i need not bring any other proofs or demonstrations to confirm that opinion , than your own observations out of strabo , and other ancient geographers , in whose maps you may find both the island , its name , and scituation ; yet of late years it hath not been seen , for which cause , some imagine that being but a small tract of land , it is either swallow'd up by the sea , or that the island is inchanted . we have greater reasons to believe the latter , if we consider the various reports have been spread abroad of late by such sea-men , who by their several affidavits have avouched they have seen this island , but could not reach it , by all the skill they had in navigation . and i that which most induced them to believe this must be that isle so much talked of for its inchantment , was , that it appeared in that part of the g●ean where they never saw land before , and over which they frequently have sail'd . i could instance several reports of fishermen , who at several times have seen it , but that i fear those relations will be look'd on as the chimaera's of a junior quixot , or foolish fictions , undeserving the registry of a serious and judicious memory , since they seem to give tom coriat the lye , and run away with the whetstone from our famous knightly mandevil . however i cannot let pass what i heard from several of these discoverers , who told me , they saw this island ( no blue cloud , as i would have persuaded them to believe , but a long tract of firm land ) whereupon they bore up to it ; yet notwithstanding they made all the sail they could , in ten hours sail they seem'd to be farther from it , than when first it appeared to their view . another told me that he saw it , and thereupon made up to it ( hoping to be greater than ever that great usurper trinkelo , or at least be vice-roy of this inchanted island . ) the sky was serene , the sea smooth , and hardly a breeze of wind stirring , when he made this attempt , and therefore was extremely troubled he could make no better way . whil'st he was thus perplexing himself , the island seem'd to float unto him with such celerity , that in a little time he could discover rocks , trees , and men of a prodigious stature , who as they mov'd , look'd like walking oaks , whose shaggy bushy hair outvy'd the spreading of their leav'd branchy tops ; and the waving of their hands , resembled much the turning of our wind-mills sails . on the shore , he saw infinite numbers of seeming beasts of several shapes , and all so dreadful and horrid to look on , that he could endure the sight no longer ; wherefore tacking , he stood away in such distraction , that he scarcely knew what he did : and that which contributed thereunto as much as his fear , he was immediately encompassed with a mist so thick , he could not see his hand before him ; yet could he see on the sides of the vessel , the masts and yards , innumerable small lights , which shifted their stations , and interchanged one with another , at length they all incorporated together , whence proceeded a great and unusual slash of lightning , attended with dreadful claps of thunder ; after which , the air grew clear , and serene again , but could not discover the least mark of what he had seen before . a third gave me this account of the island : that being one day abroad a fishing , he discovered land where he never saw any before ; and resolving to run the same hazard his brethren had done before , he made up to it : coming within musket-shot , as he imagin'd , he was saluted with such a broad-side of thunder , seconded with lightning , and such a tumbling sea , that had he not made all the sail he could homeward , he had undoubtedly slept in david jones his locker . in his return , he found the needle of his compass useless , whereupon he try'd another , and found that the like ; and therefore it was needless to apply himself to either . the last report i shall give you , is thus : a vessel being bound for the westward , and coming under the same latitude where this inchanted island is said to be scituate , she was suddenly surprized , and involved in a mist , yet stood under a very stiff gale ; whereupon she endeavour'd to lie by , but could not , for she would not answer to her helm . whilst the men were chasing and cursing , one instantly cryed out , land ! land ! helm-a-lee , for the love of god. the master being alarm'd at this dreadful noise , look'd out , and saw huge high rocks just upon his very bowe ; whereupon crying out suddenly to heaven for mercy , those rocks and land adjoyning immediately , seem'd to drop a curtsie under water , and the master thought the vessel sail'd clear over them . these strange and seeming incredible reports , made me very inquisitive after the truth thereof ; and in all my inquiries i found the relations of others so agreeable to the former , that they only differ'd in some few circumstances : from them all i gather'd what was most probable , and made a report thereof to some ingenious men of my acquaintance , who at first smiled at my fond credulity , and blamed my over-forward faith in believing a company of ignorant fellows , who had neither reason , nor sense enough to distinguish a blue cloud from land , which afar off looketh of the same complexion by reason of its distance ; and endeavoured to jeer me out of my opinion , by telling me it was as ridiculous as to think there are multiplicity of worlds , or that one wherein we live , had its matter and form from a confused conflux of atoms ; however , i could not be dispossest of my persuasion , but persisted therein , till i was farther confirmed by a dream , wherein i thought i had a view of the whole isle , and its inhabitants ; and thus it was : my brain not any wayes disturb'd by fumes proceeding from an over-running cup , which are causes of phantastick dreams , i fell asleep in a summers afternoon , and dream'd i saw an eagle unnaturally great , soaring in the air ; whilst i was wondring at his greatness , he immediately stoopt , and took , me up within his tallons , and flew away with me with incredible celerity over mountains and vallies , and at length brought me to the sea-side : where having rested a little while , he took me up again , and carried me to an island ; and having set me down , vanisht . i was sirangely amaz'd hereat , not knowing what to do , till at length a person of a lovely presence . with an angelical countenance , appear'd to me advising me to be of good courage , and follow him ; which i did accordingly ; but in our way we were obstructed by millions of devils , and horrid spectrums , whose shapes and forms were so afrightful , that had it not been for my guide , i should not have been able to have stirred a foot forward ; but by his encouragement i went on , and saw other very strange apparitions , such as would have startled the most undaunted he that wears a head . my guide having dissipated these , as well as the former , brought me at last unto a place which for soil and temperature of air might vye with any place in christendom ; here i gave my greedy eyes full liberty to feast on all the delicates nature is capable to produce , which are too many here to numerate . the verdant fields , and pleasant groves , were not to be parallel'd ; but no sign where any corn was sown : whatever grew , came up spontaneously , without the labour of the hands . i wondred that i saw no houses , nor people to inhabit them in such a paradise as this : whilst my eyes were busily inquiring into the excellency of such objects as presented themselves to my view , i saw men , women and children ascend out of the bowels of the earth ( as i thought ) who were all naked , very white , and well-featur'd , who all fell down , and seem'd to worship a deformed ill-shapen thing , which i judged was the devil ; hereupon i ask't my guide the meaning hereof , who with an austere countenance told me , that the isle was under the power of the prince of the air , and had been so for many years ; but the time is near at hand it shall be so no longer . the words were no sooner spoken , but there followed such loud peals of thunder , as if the foundation of the earth had been torn asunder , accompanied with such lightning seemingly to me , as if the element of fire had been placed in the lower region : these horrours were accompanied with such dismal sounds , that nothing else could better represent an infernal consort : this continued but a very little , and then the horizon grew as splendent as before , without the least disturbance . whilst i was in my greatest amazement , not knowing what to think or do , my guide vanish't , and the former eagle took me up in his tallons , and carried me the same way back again ; and having brought me to my habitation , left me , and then i awak't . then did i ponder with my self what this dream should signifie : after various considerations , i concluded this must be o brazeel , and that i was the man must be its happy discoverer . there wanted not arguments to flatter my self into this opinion ; and being over-joy'd , i instantly ran to a friend to tell him my dream , and how well it suited with the former reports concerning this inchanted island : this man did presently put great confidence in my dream , and readily consented not only to be assistant in this new discovery , but likewise to go himself in person , having at that time a vessel of his own of about thirty tuns ready fitted . no man could be fitter for this purpose than he and i : for we were both so indebted to the place wherein we were , that we only wanted a wind to sell the countrey . having concluded on the design , we made no delayes , but getting seamen aboard befitting our purpose , on october the th , . we set sail , bearing our course due west , sometimes west and by south , and sometimes west-north-west , each traverse not exceeding fifteen leagues in longitude . we thus continued doing about seven dayes : on the eighth day in the morning , we espyed a blue cloud at west-south-west ; the sight hereof overjoy'd only the master , and my self ( for there was none of the seamen privy to our design ; ) and that we might the sooner enjoy the fruits of our longing expectations , we made all the sail we could up to it : the nearer our approach , the blacker it grew ; and having sail'd towards it about half a watch , it vanisht in an extraordinary flash of lightning . being troubled to be thus disappointed , we alter'd our course , and stood away to the northward till the next morning , lying by all the night . in the morning we tackt , and stood to the southward , and towards the evening we had sight of it again , and in the morning we seem'd to be very near it , and , as we thought , saw ships riding at anchor . now did we verily believe this must be o brazeel ; and whil'st the master and i were contending who should be the vice-roy , or have most power and authority therein , the wind rose high , and the sea began to skud against it , the sky was overcast , and the elements seemed to contend which should perform first the part of a merciless executioner . certainly neptune at this time wanted some pastime , and was resolved to play at tennis , bandying us to and fro like balls , making use of his billows for his rackets . thus were we tost up and down two dayes and nights at least ; which so discomposed my body ( being unaccustomed to such labour , and continual watching ) that i was forced to go into my cabin ; and though i was sensible of imminent danger , yet my wearied body could no longer hold out . just as i was rockt into a slumber , in came the master with more speed than ordinary , being quickned ( as any might imagine by his countenance ) with the sense and apprehension of some sudden ensuing danger ; had he gone about to conceal his fears , he could not have done it , they were written so legible in his face in the characters of horrour and amazement : which made me ask him , whether all was well ? he tremblingly , yet churlishly told me , i might sleep on , for 't was like to be my last . with that i leapt out , and coming on the deck , i saw a fellow at his prayers , who never said them , but when he thought he should as certainly dye , as be drunk when he came ashore : never did frightful ghost startle poor timerous mortals more , than the devout posture of that fellow did me , knowing it an infallible symptom or forerunner of immediate ruine and destruction . in this dismal and fatal exigency , i could hardly forbear smiling , ( though since i have condemn'd my vanity in that condition ) to see a fellow wringing of his hands , who had a nose some dayes before as red as any blood ; which blood was now so chill'd and congeal'd by fear , that it lookt like the end of a half-boil'd black-pudding . but to be serious , i made a diligent inquiry what should be the cause of their disorder'd and distracted looks ? i was answer'd by a file of deaths-heads , that our vessel had sprung a leak , and that there was no hope of safety . you may imagine what a strange metamorphosis these deadly words made in my face ; however , i presently bestir'd my self , and thought it requisite to use a helping hand , as well as a tongue , to cry god help . by my example , the rest fell to work , who were busie in doing nothing , and knew nothing what they did . i desired the master to go down into the hold , to find out the leak our ship had sprung ; who instantly return'd , and told me , that the leak was both inscrutable , and incurable ; for the water flow'd in so fast , that we must now number our dayes by one single minute . i never heard a deaths-head speak before ; and the truth of it is , he lookt much more like death himself , than his messenger : had he said not a word , we might have read our ruine in his countenance . there was now nothing more to be done , than to hoist our boat over-board ; which was as soon done , as commanded , and every one strove who should leap into it first ; i was the second , and having taken in four more , we put off from the ship-side , fearing lest the sinking ship should draw us in after it . now did we rowe we knew not whither , in a sea which seldom wears a smooth brow in autumn , which at this time contending with the wind , swell'd into prodigious mountains , which threatned every moment to be our monuments . and that which aggravated our misery , we had no sight of land in an open boat , no compass to guide , no provision to sustain us ; and the night growing on upon us , nothing could preserve us , but a miracle : and though the waves carried us up to heaven , yet there was no ground for our hope or belief , that god should put his hand out of a cloud , and take us miserable mortals to himself from the top of a surging wave ; neither could we expect to meet any ship ; for though many ships come from the same place , and bound for the same haven , yet they seldom meet in the vast ocean , and sail in the same line ; there are no beaten paths in the floods , no high-wayes and common roads in the sea. yet such was our good fortune , that we espied a sail making towards us , and we what we could towards it ; but having but two oars , we were not able to break the waves , and therefore made but little way . and now despair seized us again ; for notwithstanding all our endeavours , we could not reach this vessel , nor the vessel us : and now indeed i could not forbear shedding tears , although i had no need of more salt water . this our pregnant hopes brought forth nothing but wind and water ; and we that before , at the sight of this ship , flatter'd our selves with the assurance of safety , were now as much confounded with a certainty of perishing . for my part , i judg'd it a less affliction to have had no hopes at all of a deliverance , than presently to fall from it . questionless it did redouble the punishment of tantalus , to kiss those apples with his lips , which he must not taste with his tongue . but again we entertained fresh hopes : for in this our black and dismal night , we espied a light , which presently we row'd to with all might and main ; the ship standing towards us with more wind than her sails could well bear , came up quickly with us : we crying all out , she hung on the lee , and we came aboard of her ; we were entertained civilly by the master of the vessel , and his men , whom we understood by an english man on board , were wallisians , and were bound for montecapernia . notwithstanding we escaped so miraculously , and had such good entertainment from strangers ( when all hopes were lost ) yet our dejected countenances sufficiently declared the discontent of our minds , and desiring to be comforted as job was after our losses , with twice as much as we had before . the next morning the wind somewhat slackned , and the sea was less turbulent ; but towards night , it blew fresher than it did from the time of our shipwrack . the day being shut in , and the master knowing he was not far from land , was at his wits ends , being none of the best seaman ; and whil'st i was reading his fears in the confusion of his countenance , and thinking to advise him for the best , the ship struck against a clefted rock so violently , that there she stuck , till we had all the opportunity of leaping out ; but by reason of the darkness of the night , the master knew not where he was . with longing expectation to see the morning-star draw the curtain of the night , we roved to and fro , and found still firm footing on a spacious rock ; but as yet we had not light enough to discover us first to our selves ( being as yet in the dark ) as ignorant of our selves , as deplorable condition . never did night seem longer to any mortal , than this to me ; for besides that i was thinly clad , having cast off my coat , intending to swim , and had not leisure to put it on again , thinking it better to leave that behind , than my self ; i say , i had lost my shooes : so that though i was often up to the calf of the legs ( as i rambled up and down in the dark ) yet i could not say i was over shooes . and now the long-expected morning drew near , and we fain would have seen before we could . in that twilight , every black cloud we discern'd , we flattered our selves was some town , or village ; but when the sun arose , we found our selves on a rock , which was an island when our ship split upon it ; but the sea ebbing , left us a dry passage to the shore , which was about musket-shot distant . the tide coming in , made us hasten to the land , which was so fortified by nature with such high and almost-inaccessible rocks , that in our ascending them , we were in as great danger of breaking our necks , as before of drowning ; but at length , with much difficulty we got to the top , and then the master knew where he was , in his own countrey , viz. montecapernia ; notwithstanding his former loss , he was so over-joy'd that he knew where he was , that he leap't , and danc't : and for my part , i thought he would have skip't out of his breeches ; and that he might easily do , having a hundred ways for his passage . and now before i come to give you an account of our entertainment in this place , with a description thereof , and a character of the people ; give me leave to give you an account of our shipwrack in some few measured lines . a great sea-storm described , which hapned in the discovery of o brazeel , commonly called the inchanted island . nothing but air and water is in sight , and each ' gainst t'other did its force unite . the blustring winds let loose did raging fly , and made the water seem to scale the sky . much like to libertines let loose , will know no law to guide them , but astracy will go . the sea , to swell her teeming womb , brings forth wave after wave , and each of greater birth : waves grow to surges , surges billows turn ; the ocean is all tympany ; the urn of water is a brimmer ; neptune drinks so full a cup , it overslows the brinks : insulting waves , how durst ye proudly dash at heav'n , as though its cloudy face you 'd wash ! what is the lower water fully bent to mix with that above the firmament ? oy by invasion does it go about to put the element of fire quite out ? the sea roll'd up in mountains : o! 't is such , that penmen-maur's a wart , if 't be so much . which fall again into such hollow vales , i thought i 'd crost the sea by land o're wales . and then to add confusion to the seas , the sailers speak such babel words as these : hale in main-bowlin , mizen tack-aboard ; a language like a storm to be abhor'd . i know not which was loudest , their rude tongues , or the big winds with their whole cards of lungs . so hideous was the noise , that one might well fancy himself to be with souls in hell , but that the torments differ ; those souls are punisht with fire , but these with water here . our helm , that should our floating castle sway , we lasht it up , lest it should run away . our ship now under water seems to sail , like a toast drown'd within a tub of ale. our tatter'd sails did all hang down in pieces , like hedge that 's hung with rags , and beggars fleeces . our tackling crack't , as if it had been made to assist the fidlers , not the boat-swains trade . we pumpt our ship , but to as little end , as to repent , yet never to amend : for all the water we pumpt out with pain , the sea with scorn returns , and more again . the guns on board , design'd for our defence , heav'n thundred so , it almost sear'd them thence . and yet to heav'n for this give thanks we may , but for its lightning we had had no day . drinking salt-water now the glouds grow sick , and spew●d it down upon our heads so thick , that 'twixt the low , and upper seas that fell , the ship a vessel seem'd , and we mackrell pickl'd in brine , and in our cabins lie , souc't up therein for immortality . the fear of being drowned , made us wish our selves transpeciated into fish . indeed this fear did so possess each one , all look't like shotten-herring , or poor-john . nay , of our saving there was so much doubt , the pilots faith began to tack about ; and had he perisht in this doubtful fit , his conscience sure with the same ship had split ; for which way into heav'n his soul could steer , star-board or lar-board , that still cryes no neer ? but we were in great danger , you will say , if seamen once begin to kneel , and pray . what holy church ne're could , the seas have done , made seamen buckle to devotion ; and force from them their litany , whilst thus they whimper out , good lord , deliver us : so i pray too , good lord , deliver me henceforth from being taught to pray at sea. this wallisian skipper ( who had so much compassion as to take us into his vessel ) had so much good nature to conduct us to a house he knew , which was the parson's of a neighbouring village , by whom we were welcomed . having dryed , and refreshed ourselves , we fell into some discourse with mr. parson , and his wife ; and though they spake but little english , yet they indifferently understood the said iliads of our misfortunes , which they exprest by their tears , weeping bitterly at our relation , so that one would have thought they had suffered shipwrack , and not we . what meat they had , they did set before us ; and we fell to it so heartily , as if we would have repaired all we lost before by our long fasting , at one meal . their bread was broad oat-cakes baked on a flat stone , made of stuff much like that which the welsh call haver-meal ; but their beer is very strong , which they brew on purpose , as i imagine , to verifie the proverb , good drink , is meat , drink , and cloth : for in the coldest season they will go bare-foot , and be clad very thin ; but they will be sure to keep their understandings warm , and line their insides well with their potent liquor . the next day , the parson to express his kindness in a more liberal manner , desired us all to dine with him : we had but one dish for entertainment , and that so cram'd with such variety of gods creatures , that this dish seem'd to me to be the first chapter of genesis ; there was beef , mutton , goats , and kids-flesh , bacon , roots , &c. and all so confounded , that the best palate could not read what he did eat , nor by his taste know and distinguish the several sorts of creatures : though i was hungry enough , i did not like their thus working meat into a new chaos , and saucing the creators creatures out of the knowledge of mankind . but when i understood that this hodge-podge proceeded more from custom , than curiosity ; and that this was one point of their good husbandry , to boyle all together to save charges , my former censure was somewhat mitigated . the parson took so great a liking to me , that he would not be denied , but that i should stay with him one month ; to which , with much intreaty , i consented : the rest of the company took such courses as were most convenient for their present condition . in this time he brought me acquainted with many gentlemen of this countrey , one whereof so prevailed with me , as to live with him two years ; in which time , i took these true ensuing observations of the countrey : if they are not so large and full as expected , let my small stay in that place make my apology . the description of montecapernia , with the natures of the people , their qualities , humours , modes , fashions , and religion . montecapernia is divided into two great parts , south and north ; and it may well admit of this division , since there is so great a difference in the manners and language of both places ; the south understanding the north , for the most part , as little as the english do the cornish . the name montecapernia , seems to be derived from the latin mons and caper , as much as to say , montes caprorum , mountains of goats ; and so it may properly have that appellation , since there are few countries afford greater plenty of them ; whose nature is such , they will climb cragged and almost inaccessible high mountains , and dangerous precipices , with as much facility as a squirrel shall a tree . montecapernia to the southward , is a countrey inricht with natures chiefest treasures ; the fruitfulness of whose soil may vye with most places of the universe . their hills for height are dreadful to the eye ; and although they seem almost inaccessible , yet are very profitable to the inhabitants , not only as to the mines of coals , lead , and silver , contain'd within the bowels of these mountains , but also to the good common they afford to vast numbers of sheep , which are but small , yet very sweet mutton , whose fleece employs many hands in that countrey ; which plentifully supplies many more near adjacent , with good serviccable cloth , frize , flannel , &c. neither is the northward of this countrey so barren , but that the land produceth what is necessary for the sustenance , profit , and pleasure of the inhabitants . their beasts in general are but small , yet such ( as are for food ) much more indulge the palate , than any flesh in other parts ; what are for labour , are very serviceable , being full of mettle , exceeding hardy , and will carry burdens , the greatness whereof would startle any mans belief . the countrey is water'd by many excellent rivers and rivulets , which are furnished with great numbers of variety of fish ; one sort whereof i took special notice of , having never seen the like before ; the natives call it a mort , they are of all sizes , speckled with red spots on the side , some whereof are as big as a salmon , and eat exactly like it . their seas round about supply them with all manner of shell-fish , and other sorts , the choicest which ever came to neptunes table ; which they convey to other countries circumjacent , and thereby make a very great advantage . their marshes and rivers ( of which they have plenty ) are visited by multitudes of wild-fowl in the winter-season ; their hills are stor'd with woodcock , groust , heath-cock , &c. nor are they a little stored with red-deer , hares , and rabbits . fish and flesh of all sorts are sold cheaper than can be imagin'd ; as a quarter of mutton for eight pence , an ell-long salmon for ten pence , a pullet for a groat , and in some places ( according to the season ) twenty eggs a penny . i know not whether this cheapness may arise from the plenty of the aforesaid provision , or the scarcity of money . the people in general are great admirers of their pedigree , and have got their genealogy so exactly by heart , that though it be two hours work for them to repeat the names only from whence they are descended lineally , yet will they not omit one word in half a dozen several repetitions ; from whence i gather , they say them instead of their pater noster , or their evening and their morning prayers . the gentry ( for the most part ) are extracted from very ancient families , who are adored by the commonalty ; and to give them their due , are good natur'd gentlemen , exceeding free , and courteous to strangers , and extraordinary generous in their entertainments ; insomuch that i have seen in a gentlemans house of indifferent estate , at a moderate treat , twenty dishes , many of them trebly jointed , to recompence the smallness of the meat . their want of wine is supply'd by most incomparable beer and ale , which runs as free as water on a visit ; and if you do not drink as freely , they think they have not made you welcome ; so that a man knows not how to take leave , till he is unable to stir a foot . they are very courteous in their speech , and noble in their carriage , firm ( where they take ) and constant in their resolutions , splendid in their publick ceremonies ( of shrievalry , and the like ) couragious , stout , and great lovers of their prince and countrey ; honourable in their inclinations , and resolute in their enterprizes . in short , they are generally accomplisht in most respects , and greatly given to that they call hospitality . as i have thus characteriz'd the good , so take the bad with it , according to my observation , during my abode in this countrey : the purest wheat will have its chaff , and there is no wine but hath some lees. travelling into some places of no mean extent , i thought my self to be at the fag-end , or a — of the world ; the land being so exceeding barren , and destitute of wood , that for ten or twenty miles together ( cross the countrey ) you could not see a bush to tye your horse to , till you have untrust a point ; and therefore you must either bridle your mouth to stay your horse , or trust to the tame nature , and good conditions of the beast ; who if he be inclin'd to cool his mouth with a tuft of grass , he may sooner find it in a feather-bed ; but if the quickness of the air hath given him an appetite to eat , and a stomack to digest heath , moss , and scragged stones , he cannot want provision . the people in these barren places have so little converse with travellers , and the paths are so untrodden , that a man must aim at the way by guess , or carry a compass with him : and yet he may easily mistake the most noted road ; which if he do , he had need have recourse to his devotion for his miraculous deliverance from riding twenty-four hours , and never the nearer his journies end ; nay , it may be not six miles distant from whence he stray'd , and in all his travels see nothing but a flock of geese , some scattered sheep , half a dozen ragged colts , and now and then a few crows flying over his head , unless by chance under the side of some hill ( if near a common road ) he discovers a smoke , which if he make towards ( and happily escape a bogg ( of which the hills afford great plenty , and very dangerous too ) yet will it be difficult to discern the stately mansion whence the smoke arose , till his horses feet be very near the roof ; such is the natives care in sheltring themselves within the walls of nature : and upon this account , i have heard several of them brag of the strength and strange scituation of their towns , one whereof i had described to me , which engaged my curiosity to see it ; whence i took this observation . it is scituated in a little vale , encompassed round with walls , which are a mile thick , and more ; the entrance into the town is under water , and the steeple belonging to the town , grows every years . this place lies to the norward of montecapernia ; and though it be contemptible for its buildings ; yet is often made the place for the general assize of that county , where the justices of oyer and terminer sit : where note , that this countrey is governed by as wholesom laws as any other countrey . now to unriddle the aforesaid description , the town is built in a hole , encompassed with very great and high hills , which meet in their tops almost at the entrance into town , by which means there is a trough made over the passage from one hill to the other , for a conveyance of a watry brook , which otherwise would annoy the passage into town : under this trough the people travel , which is their going under water into town : as for the steeple , they have none , but the bell hangs in an yew-tree in the church-yard ; and there lies the quibble , that the steeple grows every year . they boast of other strange things they have in their countrey , namely , a great green bridge two or three miles in length , on which ( like that under which the river anus runs in spain ) they can feed two or three hundred head of cattle . it seems there is a river in this countrey that runs some miles under-ground , and disimbogues it self into the sea ; the inhabitants report , if a goose should be put into this river , and she swim through this earthen bridge , she will come out with never a feather on her back ; the cause to me is occult and hidden . there is another place far within the land , through which , at high-water , the sea will dash up a considerable height , with a noise both horrible and hideous ; this is occasioned by the concav'd earth , giving an inlet to the sea. they talk of a well also they have , in which there is thirty steps to descend into it ; in the stony side whereof , there is the exact impression of a man , which they say was christ ( by which you may gather the montecapernians have heard of our saviour : ) this impression was occasioned , as they say , when our saviour descending this well to drink , he lean'd against the wall , which was so tender-natur'd as to yield to his sides and limbs , lest its hardness should hurt any of them . though these things may seem incredible , yet i can assure this , that they will talk to one another above two miles distant ; that is , one shall stand on the top of one high hill , and the other upon the other : and though their tops are near , yet in the descending of one , and ascending the other hill , reckoning the interval between , and it will not amount to less than two miles : this they will brag of too ; and to shew their wit , will tell you pretty stories ; as for example , that two fathers , and two sons , kill'd three hares , and each carried home one , and no more ; that is , there was grandfather , father and son : and to amuse you , will tell you , that one of their countreymen caught a fox , a salmon , and a pheasant at one draught in a net ; that is , the net was laid for the pheasant , in a small wood near the sea-side , where was a wyer in which was a salmon , which the fox getting , ran with it into the wood , and so into the net , just as he was drawing for the pheasant , and so caught them all three . the montecapernian cots are generally built on the side of a hill , not to be discerned till you just come upon them . the cottage is usually raised three foot from the eves to the ground on the one side , and the other side hath a rock for a wall to save charges , in regard carriage is dear , and money but scarce , especially to such , who never see it but once in seven years , when out of pure devotion they go to the next market-town in the season to receive the consirmation of their faith , by sipping of wine out of a silver cup , which the parsons wife sets all the year after for a grace on the cupboard , and frequently serves for a brandy-taster . if for nothing else , but for their taking the sacrament , you may know they are no heathens . the hearth is placed in the middle of the house , and their fuel is made of earth and cow-dung dryed in the sun ; the smoke goes through no particular place , but breaks through every part between the rods or wattles of which they make their doors , sides , and roof of the house , which commonly is no bigger than an overgrown pig-stye ; to which they have two doors , one alwayes shut on that side where the wind blows ; from whence i believe it is , that they brag they have the quickest arenitects in all the world , because they can build a house in a day . the houses seem to mourn for the sterility of the countrey , being hung all in black , occasioned by the smoke ; and but look up , you may see the oyle of smoke naturally extracted , beyond the art of chymistry , hanging on the rods ; which if it chance to fall upon your cloaths , i 'll warrant you are marked for a black sheep , nor shall the art of man remove the stain . they delight not in variety of rooms , hating three stories , as a zealot does the triple-crown ; and that they may have all their family about them inclosed in one room , the good-man and his wife have their bed raised up about half as high as the roof , which is the teaster to their bed , made of straw or rushes , according to cold or warmer weather . the sheets are the womans smock , which ( if she be a good housewife ) shall contain her smaller children on the one side , and her husband on the other , when closed up ; and he peeping out at her bosom , you would take it to be an hermaphroditical monster , big with child , and ready to be delivered . they get into this bed by a stone or two set by the side : the man and wife lie at one end , and what children they have ( boyes and girles ) lie at the other , their feet meeting all together higgle-de-piggle-dee . the rest of the family they dispose of thus : a goat or an ewe they tye to the beds-feet ; over their heads roost their cocks and hens , and now and then shew the nature of their name , foul the foul faces of their master and dame ; this dung likewise serves instead of soap when they have occasion to wash , which is but seldom , having nothing besides their cloaths to wear , but a neck-cloth , and a flannel smock . their general food is a thin oat-cake , which they bake upon a broad flat stone made hot , a little sheeps-milk cheese , or goats-milk , boyl'd leeks , and some roots ; but seldom eat flesh , or drink strong beer , but at fairs , and publick solemnities : and then it is pity , for at any time small-beer will set their heads afloat , and their tongues into a perpetual motion , talk of nothing but pedigrees , grow quarrelsom , fight with their own heels , and may be lose their stockings and shooes before they get home , which else might last them an age , in regard they never wear them , but carry them on their backs , going bare-foot , till they come near a market-town , where men and women alike , with an inch-pipe filled with pigs-tail , or mundungus tobacco , and a great turf of fire to light it , sit down on the ground , and put on their stockings and shooes to go in , and at their return , at the same place , pull them off again ; being more afraid to scratch their shooes , than cut their feet and toes : whose skin is so hardned , that men , women and children , in the midst of winter , go bare-foot on sharp stones , pieces of ice , edge or side , all alike to them ; for which reason there are few shoocmakers in the countrey , because commonly their shooes last them an age. at other times , their drink is either three parts water , and a fourth milk , which they call glastor , or a handful of crabs bruised and laid asoak in a bowl-full of running water , for two or three hours . they have another sort of drink called whigg , which is a kind of a sour whey . likewise they have a drink call'd sicken-pen-fon , cold water poured on the grains . the people are naturally inclin'd to pride ; and to shew the antiquity of their family , some of them derive themselves the immediate and next of kinde to adam . it is a thousand pities the people are so sloathful , being given to no manner of industry , husbandry , or any other useful improvement ; which partly occasions the barrenness of the countrey so much to appear , that otherwise by active spirits might easily evince the contrary : for though they have many hills , mountains , and boggs , yet have they matchless rich vallies . it may be conjectured their sloathfulness may in part be occasioned by their ignorance ; some of the indifferent sort being brought up to read , and by the pretence of centility , scorning a trade , never heed the farther improvement of their fortunes , or understandings , till the father dyes , and the elder brother possess the estate . they are a people generally envious , especially of the rise of their neighbours ; naturally pragmatical , and inquisitive after others affairs , and alwayes blabbing , and telling tales ; and so litigious , that they are ready to go to law , if they see their neighbours horse put his head over their hedge , or his goose at their barns-door . the women are infected with the like quarrelsom humour . i have seen two women about some trivial matter , fall together by the ears ; the men took each others part , one neighbour seconded one , and the next another ; till they had engaged two thirds of the town in the quarrel , and none of them knew for what they fought , or how the fray began ; and to be revenged the more of one another , they sent the next opportunity for process in battery , trespass , scaadal , and i know not what : and then to law they went ( for they love it above any thing ) when they had spent their money , they were forced to put it to a reference , and then are at another charge in treating the arbitrators , and their friends ; who having feasted themselves , leave the business as they found it : and yet this great charge and trouble will not dissuade them from following these litigious courses , but are never at quiet , but when they have some suit or other depending : their lawyers taking notice of the temper of the people , promote the differences , in humouring their fancies ; by which means , they continually drain their pocket , and this is one great cause of their general poverty . the commonalty are extremely awed by their superiours ; in such sort , a tenant fears as much to speak against a lord of the mannor , or their next powerful neighbour , as wiser men would dread to speak treason against a prince , under whose allegiance be lives , and hath sworn to . and i have heard say , that some of them will swear and forswear any thing , that may tend to the benefit of that landlord from whom he hath any dependance , and think it no great crime . many notorious vices are among them , which they look upon to be things of another complexion ; and this i believe proceeds from their ignorance in religion : and that ignorance is occasioned by their superiours , who in these latter years , have ingrost to themselves all church-lands , and allowance for the clergy . in several places it is so small , that six such portions will scarcely keep a single man alive . i knew one that had to the value of but eighteen shillings english money per annum , to officiate in divine service on the sabbath day ; and therefore all the rest of the week he was forc'd to thatch , thresh , or wrought otherwayes for three pence a day . the next thing we shall treat of , is the particular parts of worship in their religion ; and first for baptism , they generally do carry the child to the church , as soon as born , if the church be near , where at the font the child is named by the godfathers and godmothers , with a short ceremony ; all whose christian names , with the parents , are conjoyned , which if wrote at length , would blot more paper than the titles of the grand seignior . the women are of a very strong constitution , the midling sort hardly keeping their beds three dayes at a lying in ; and the fourth day will give no quarter to the groaning ale , fight the fifth , and it may be go to church the sixth , with the mark of the lord of northumberland's arms under the callicoe hood , which they wear for a kerchief . their marriages are made like bargains of old , like a pig in a poke unseen ; for the parents meet over a cup of nappy ale , where making some bargain for wheat , oats , or any other necessary thing they want , at last strike up a match between their son and daughter : this serves instead of wooing , by which means the first meeting is seldom till the man comes to fetch the woman to church , attended with a rabble of all the relations , who must out of pure love not be sober that whole week , and then the next sunday attend them to church again ; and there ends the ceremony . they have no scruples in their marriages ( as i could hear of ) for the nearest of kin often intermarries with the other , one man frequently marrying two sisters , &c. their burials retain something of the relicts of popish ceremony : for next night after the decease of the person , every friend , neighbour and relation comes to his house , and brings each a candle , and a gun of ale , where this jovial crew light up their lights , making a good fire , and then drink remembrances of the dead , till some of them lose their own , and for want of feet stand in need as much of bearers home , as the corps to the grave . when the time comes to carry it out , which is within three or four dayes after the decease of the person , the priest in his surplice walks before the guests , round the corps , all confusedly , and the corps in the middle : being near the church , the men put off their hats , and then men and women fet up together such a hideous cry , that i can resemble it to nothing more proper , than to that , drowning men make when the ship is sinking : this they continue till they come to the church , where the priest in his own language reads a little service . and here observe the policy of the priest : for having no certain fee allowed for burials , but by custom receives the free-will-offering of the next of kin , and friends to the deceased ; he will be sure , for fear he lose any of the guests , to stop in the midst of the service , and leaying his book open , stands with his face directly against the corps ; by which dumb signs , the people knowing his mind , they make their offering . the first of kin goes to the communion-table , and throws down his benevolence , perhaps a six-pence , if he be a brother , or so near a relation . the rest by pence , or two-pence , do so increase the parsons stock , that it may amount to three or four shillings . after this he goes on merrily with the remaining part of the divine service ; and having finisht it , away to the ale-house , where he is sure to have his charge born for that day . another strange passage they have at their burials , which i had almost omitted ; that is , they first give wheaten loaves to the poor , and as the corps stands at the door on a bier , the next of kin to the deceased , taketh a new wooden bowl ( never used ) filled with the best liquor they have , and half a dozen wheaten loaves , with a good piece of cheese , and gives it cross the corps to any whom he fancies to be the poorest beggar ; who receives the same , and immediately drinks the liquor , with a blessing to the soul departed . desiring to be satisfied concerning the meaning of that strange ceremony , they answered , that the souls of the deceased in their rambles in the elizium , do meet with a sweet-tasting pleasant fountain , of which each soul doth drink his bowl ; and if that ceremony were not performed at the burial of the deceased , they think that soul would want those necessaries in its supposed ramble thither . their sunday is the most leisure-day they have , on which they use all manner of sports ; in every field a fiddle , and the lasses footing it till they are all of a foam , and grow infinitely proud with the blear-eye of affection her sweet-heart casts on her feet , as she dances , to a tune , and no tune , play'd on an instrument that makes a worser noise than a key upon a gridiron . their greatest zeal , is in keeping sacred some old sayings of their great grandsires , and preserving sacred some old relict of their grandmothers ; in both of which they are so strict , that for the first , if they hear one whistle in the night , they are afraid , and will avoid you ; because , say they , our ancestors told us , that such as whistle in the night , convers'd with the devil , and call those spirits in the air together , by such sound , to confer with them . the relicts of their grandmothers are as severe ; for if she leave but an old chair , a wooden spoon , or any other trifle to them , they will preserve it sacred , fearing to prejudice it in the least ; should any such thing accidentally happen , they would absolutely conclude it did presage some harm ensuing . they are great lovers of women , especially such of their own countrey ; and so unsensible of the guilt , that they glory in the crime , and brag of their spurious issue . a gentleman of good note , whom i knew , had so many , that he knew them not when he saw them : several strange women whom he knew not , taking notice of this advantage , did frequently send their children to him , who to be rid of them quickly , gave them his formal blessing , with some small piece of money . i have heard of two other gentlemen as libidinous as the former , the uncle and nephew ; the latter of which living in the metropolis of montecapernia , had a very handsom maid to his servant ; yet although he had an incomparable beauty to his wife , nothing would serve his turn but the enjoyment of his maid-servant : few persuasions were required to induce her to that which her own inclinations led her to ; so that in a little time she was wholly at her masters devotion . not long after , she prov'd with child ; and that he might not incur the displeasure of his virtuous wife ( not that he fear'd the blemishing of his reputation for having a bastard ) he sent her whil'st she was young with child to his uncle , that there she might privately lie in , and no notice be taken . the uncle receiv'd her , and became his nephews confident in his stoll'n amours , without reproving him for his wantonness . now , as one kindness deserves another ; so the uncle having gotten this same woman with child a , little time after her delivery , and sending her to his nephew to lie in , the nephew could do no less than receive her ; and did so , concealing the ignominy of his uncle as much as in him lay . such was their success in not being discovered ( the wenches mouth being stopt with money ) that the nephew sell to work again with her as soon as she had delivered her loading ; and getting her with child , sent her back to his uncle : and thus they sent her as a token one to the other , till they had got six children between them ; and had she not dy'd a little after she was quick of the seventh , there might have been a generation between them as long as the first chapter of matthew . more might be said in landem & vituperium , in the praise and dispraise of montecapernia ; but my stay being there but a very little , i wanted both information , and further observation . finis . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem containing many curious reflexions, very useful and necessary for the right understanding and judging of the excellencies of homer and virgil / done into english from the french, with a new original preface upon the same subject, by w.j. ; to which are added, an essay upon satyr, by monsieur d'acier ; and a treatise upon pastorals, by monsieur fontanelle. traité du poème épique. english le bossu, rené, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing l estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem containing many curious reflexions, very useful and necessary for the right understanding and judging of the excellencies of homer and virgil / done into english from the french, with a new original preface upon the same subject, by w.j. ; to which are added, an essay upon satyr, by monsieur d'acier ; and a treatise upon pastorals, by monsieur fontanelle. traité du poème épique. english le bossu, rené, - . w. j. dacier, andré, - . essay upon satyr. fontenelle, m. de (bernard le bovier), - . of pastorals. [ ], p. printed for tho. bennet ..., london : . translation of: traité du poème épique. first ed. of this translation. cf. bm. errata: p. [ ]. reproduction of original in british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng homer. virgil. aristotle. -- poetics. epic poetry -- history and criticism. pastoral poetry -- history and criticism. satire. poetry -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - john latta sampled and proofread - john latta text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion monsieur bossv's treatise of the epick poem : containing many curious reflexions , very useful and necessary for the right understanding and judging of the excellencies of homer and virgil . done into english from the french , with a new original preface upon the same subject , by w. j. to which are added , an essay upon satyr , by monsieur d'acier ; and a treatise upon pastorals , by monsieur fontanelle . london , printed for tho. bennet at the half-moon in st. paul's church-yard , . to the honoured richard blackmore , doctor of physick , and fellow of the college of physicians in london . sir , the ensuing treatise , since it has learned to speak english , seems , by a peculiar kind of title , to lay a more especial claim to your patronage , than to any others . for though the translator be a perfect stranger to you , yet the author , which he has ventur'd to translate , is well known by all to be one you are intimately acquainted with : witness your excellent prince arthur , wherein you have in a great measure confin'd your self to the rules and precepts which aristotle and horace , and even our bossu , have prescrib'd to the epick poem . 't is upon this account , sir , that i presume to cast this translation under your protection ; not questioning but , as the good-natur'd critick is always the poet's friend ; so now , vice versâ , the generous poet will stand the criticks friend , and suffer his impartial reflexions to appear in the english world under the patronage of so great a name . i might here run out into high and just encomiums upon your late extraordinary performance ; but there is no need for it , since the work loudly speaks forth its own praises : and i should rather seem unjust in saying too little , than be thought guilty of flattery for saying too much in its commendation . i have , sir , in the preface , ventur'd to make some few reflexions on your poem , and hope you have candour enough to excuse the freedom i have taken therein . if i have offended , or committed any mistake , i here declare my self willing and ready to retract upon due conviction ; and shall be always forward to submit my self to the sentence of better judgments . all i have more to say , is , to beg pardon for my presumption , in desiring to prefix your name before my weak performance ; which favour i hope you will grant to , honoured sir , your very oblig'd and humble servant , ( though unknown ) w. j. the preface of the translator . 't is sir roger l'estrange's jocular remark in his preface before his english tully's offices , that a man had as good go to court without a cravat , as appear in print without a preface : and therefore , because my author has none , it may be expected i should preface it for him . but since i undertake to personate so great a critick as the learned bossu ; it may to some seem requisite ( let me be never so meanly qualified for such an undertaking ) that i should give the world some account of poetry in general , and especially of the epick poem in particular . as for poetry in general , i shall not trouble my head much about it at present ; the world has had enough on that subject already , and by much abler pens . that its nature is divine , that it owes its original to heaven ; how from small beginnings it rose at last to that lustre we find it in , in homer's and virgil's days ; and withal what strange effects it always had upon the minds of men : these things , and much to the same purpose have been told over and over , and need not be repeated here . not only aristotle and horace , but their commentators and the criticks , not only of our own but other nations , have made it their business to set forth its excellence , and to recommend it to mankind as the noblest humane ( i had almost said divine ) art that is . besides , that its true use and end is to instruct and profit the world more than to delight and please it , has been so fully and clearly made out , by d'acier in his preface before his reflections on aristotle's poesie , and lately by our own country-man the learned dr. blackmore in his preface before his prince arthur , that i think my self exempted in a great measure from that task likewise . but however , it cannot but with a blush be confessed , that most of our modern poets seem to have diverted the true design of poetry to one of a quite contrary nature , whilst they study rather to please the debauch'd world in their own way , than to give them any wholesome instruction to become wiser and better . to such as these therefore it would be adviseable to consult dr. blackmore's preface , and the third chapter of the fourth book in the ensuing treatise : and they will there find how much the being a man of probity and vertue is to be preferr'd , to the being a debauch'd , complaisant and temporizing poet. they would do well to consider , that all the reproach and scandal which is cast upon poetry and themselves , is in a great measure owing to their own ill conduct . for when the unthoughtful many see men of debauch'd principles usurp to themselves the sacred name of poet ; when they see base , servile , mercenary souls prostitute their pens to mean , sordid , and unbecoming subjects , such as lewd and profane plays , abusive and scurillous farces , lascivious odes ; and wanton sonnets ; they think they have reason to look upon poets with contempt , and to stile them the scum of mankind . and it were well if their censures went no farther , and only touch'd those that deserv'd them ; but they go on , and conclude that poetry it self is in all the fault , and that 't is this that is the cause of so much extravagancy and debauchery in the world. but it does not follow , because many , that pretend to poetry , do by their infamous practices bring a scandal upon it ; and because an ill natured multitude , that has little or no relish for such sort of things , casts dirt upon it ; i say it does not follow from thence , that poetry is ever the worse . for at this rate religion it self , though the best thing in the world , yet is vilified and scandaliz'd by too many , and would fall under the same uncharitable censure . in spite therefore of malice , envy , and detraction of its enemies , and notwithstanding all the contempt and scandal cast upon it , by its pretended friends and votaries , it has been , and will still be accounted a noble thing by the wiser and the better part of mankind . now whatever is said in favour of poetry in general , may in a great measure be applied to the epick poem in particular ; that being the principal and most sublime part of all poesle , and what rapin with a great deal of reason affirms to be the greatest work humane wit is capable of . i might here shew at large how far it does excel the other two parts of great poetry , tragedy and comedy : but this every one acknowledges , even those who are the greatest admirers of , and pretenders to the drama ; and 't is this that my author sufficiently makes out in several passages of his treatise ; so that i think my self excus'd from that invidious task . my present business shall be only to consider , how excellent it is in its own nature ; what a vast , universal , and judicious genius it requires ; what surprizing effects it has had in the world when duly perform'd ; what encouragement it met with among the ancients ; and the reasons of its declining state among the moderns . nor do i desire , even in this , to dictate any thing , but with all submission refer what i say to the verdict of better judgments . the excellency of the epick poem appears , in that , as we hinted before , 't is the principal , and most sublime part of all poesie . 't is that on which the most commendations , the highest praises , and the largest , freshest garlands are , and have been bestow'd . but this only gives us a general notion of its greatness , we may see it in its clearest lustre , if we would but take a particular view of its nature and design . and because i cannot express it better and more concisely in my own , i shall make bold to use my author's words . the epopéa , or epick poem ( says he ) is a discourse or story invented by art to form mens manners by such instructions as are disguis'd under the allegory of some one important action , which is related in verse after a probable , diverting , and surprising manner . here you have a short , but full and clear idea of the nature and design of the epick poem . i shall not here spend time to explain the parts of this definition ; 't is so fully and clearly done in the ensuing treatise , that it needs no farther illustration . now what , according to this account , can be more great and noble ? to regulate mens manners ; to purge and refine them from the dregs , and corruptions of vice ; to keep their passions within due bounds , and to make them the servants , not the masters of right reason , has in all ages been esteemed a piece of the highest prudence , and a great perfection of humane nature . hence the moralist himself deservedly derives all his glory . but if he merits much , the epick poet merits much more . the one indeed by his plain , convincing instructions can prevail upon those , whose minds are unprejudic'd , and whose reason is rightly inform'd : but the other by the charms and allurements of his precepts breaks through all opposition , conquers all prejudice , insinuates himself into the inmost recesses of the soul , and makes a thorough convert of the most obstinate immoralist . the epick poet , to back all , makes use of frequent examples , the strongest arguments to perswade men to be vertuous ; and his whole piece is an imitation of such things as may probably happen . to conclude , he like a skillful physician mixes sweet with bitter , that which is pleasant with the profitable , and gilds o'er the unsightly pill , that so even the nauseous but wholesome physick might steal down the better . i know there may be some , who utterly dislike this way , and cry 't is too trickish , fit only to cajole women and delude children . but may i crave leave to tell such , that they seem not to have studied nature sufficiently , else they would have discern'd in the most sage tempers , some thing of the child , that loves to be tempted and allur'd even to that which is his own good and happiness . this is conspicuous to all , who are acquainted with the world a little , and have read men as well as books : so that i need not stand upon proving what is so notoriously apparent . i am sensible much more might be said to shew the excellency of the epick poem ; but that little which has been already alledg'd in its favour , may , i presume , be enough to keep up its esteem among the more judicious part of the world : and as for others , of a more perverse principle , though never so much were said , it would never satisfie them . but to go on ; sit is no small commendation to the epick poem , that its nature is such as requires the largest , most universal and judicious genius to undertake it . none but men of the most exalted souls , warmest thoughts , liveliest fancies , and deepest judgments , are fit for such a noble enterprize . every man , we see , who has but an ordinary capacity , thinks himself scholar enough to be a physician , a lawyer , or a divine : but the poor pretender is a little more modest in his pretences to epick poetry . here he stands off , and keeps at as awful a distance from parnassus , as the trembling israelites of old did from the burning mount. nay the poetasters themselves , who have ventur'd at all the lesser sorts of poems , yet knowing their own strength , have with all reverence receeded from so high an undertaking . so vast a genius does this sort of poetry require , that if we will rely on the testimony of rapin , one of the ablest and most impartial criticks this age or any other age since aristotle and horace , has produced , we shall find that there have been but only two , homer and virgil , who have wrote in this way with any tolerable success . this judicious critick mentions several of the greek poets , such as coluthus , who wrote of the rape of hellen ; tryphiodorus , who gives an account of the taking of troy ; musaeus , who wrote the history of leander ; apollonius rhodius , who relates the expedition of the argonauts ; quintus calaber , who undertook to write the supplement to the iliad and odysseis ; and nonnus , who wrote the history of the birth , adventures , victories , and apotheosis of bacchus : he likewise mentions several of the latin poets , such as lucan , statius , silius italicus , valerius faccus , and claudian ; but withall takes notice how far short all these fall of the perfections of the other two . as for the moderns , he takes notice of several among the italians , namely dante , petrarch , boccace , boyardo , oliviero , ariosto , tasso , sannazarius and vida ; but he thinks the three first deserve not the very name of heroick poets ; and as for the rest , he has observ'd so many imperfections in them , that they can stand in no manner of competition with homer and virgil , whom at least they have pretended to imitate . among the spaniards he only mentions camoens a portuguese , and says , he only regarded to express the haughtiness of his nation in his poem of the conquest of the indies : and that he is fierce and fastuous in his composition , but has little discernment , and little conduct . nor does this ingenuous critick favour his own countrymen , dubartas and ronsard ; but taxes them with such imperfections that one may reasonably dispute with them the name of epick poets . if you would be satisfied more particularly in this point , i must refer you to the reflections , which rapin has made upon the epick poets in all ages : and there you will perceive what a vast difference he makes between homer and virgil , and all the rest that wrote after them . homer ( says he ) animates me , virgil heats me , and all the rest freeze me , so cold and flat they are . he has not indeed made any reflections on our english poets , and this rymer presumes proceeded from his ignorance of our language , which he did not understand so well , as to pass a judgment on what was writ in it . whereupon rymer himself has undertook to criticise upon them . chaucer , he will not allow for an epick poet , the age he lived in not being sufficient for a great design ; being an age of tales , ballads and roundelays . spencer , whom he reckons the first of our heroick poets , yet falls under his censure , and is tax'd for his want of a true idea , for this rambling after marvellous adventures , for making no conscience of probability , for making his poem a perfect fairy-land , and for his unlucky choice of the stanza , which in no wise is proper for our language . sir william d'venant is the next heroick poet our english critick takes notice of . he acknowledges that his wit was well known ; that in his preface to his gondibert , appear some strokes of an extraordinary judgment ; that he is said to have a particular talent for the manners ; that his thoughts are great ; and lastly that there appears something roughly noble throughout this fragment . yet after all , he blames him , for the ill choice of his subject ; for his bad conduct ; for a vicious oeconomy ; and for his unhappy choice of the tetrastick . cowley is the third and last heroick poet , our author mentions , and to him he gives particular commendations . he says , that a more happy genius for heroick poesie appears in cowley ; that he understood the purity , the perspicuity , the majesty of the stile and the vertue of numbers ; that he could discern what was beautiful and pleasant in nature ; and could express his thoughts without the least difficulty or constraint ; that he understood to dispose of the matters , and to manage his digressions ; and lastly that he understood homer and virgil , and as prudently made his advantage of them . yet after all these high commendations , he laments his not carrying on the work so far as he design'd , and his not living to revise what he did leave behind him : and blames him for his ill choice of the subject of his poem , in that like lucan he made choice of history , and a history where he was so strictly ty'd up to the truth . he likewise blames him for inserting the lyrick measure in the very body of his poem . thus far the judicious rymer goes , and it were to be wish'd he had passed his judgment on the famous milton another of our english poets ; but since he has wav'd saying any thing about him , till some other time , i shall crave leave to insert the opinion of dryden , a profess'd poet , and as a great judge of poetry . he tells us in his dedication before the translation of juvenal , that milton had a genius equal to spencer's , and greater than that of cowley ; that his thoughts are elevated , his words sounding , and that no man has so happily copy'd the manner of homer ; or so copiously translated his grecisms , and the latin elegancies of virgil. but then he says likewise , that his subject is not that of an heroick poem , properly so called ; it being the losing of our happiness , where the event is not prosperous like that of other epick works : that his heavenly machines are too many in proportion to the human personages , which are but two : that he runs into a flat of thought , sometimes for a hundred lines together : that he was transported too far in the use of obsolete words : and lastly that he can , by no means approve of his choice of blank verse . by this short view of our english poets , which i have abstracted from rymer and dryden , one may clearly perceive how far short even they as well as their neighbours have fell of the excellencies and perfections of homer and virgil. but i must not leave matters thus . for since my translating bossu , and the thoughts i had of publishing it , the world has been honour'd with an excellent heroick poem in english , done by our own country-man the learned and ingenious dr. blackmore : which puts us now upon thinking that the poems of the two ancients are not wholly unimitable . it may therefore be expected that in a preface of this nature , and in this part of it where we are treating of the vastness of the genius that is requisite for epick poesie , something should be said on the genius of that author . 't is far from my design to set up for a profest critick , but that i may do some justice to the merits of that great man , since no one else , as i hear of , has as yet criticis'd publickly on the poem , i shall venture to give the world a tast of the thoughts i have conceiv'd of it in general . and a tast it must only be , since the limits of a preface , and the sense i have of my own inability in passing a judgment upon so great an author , do sufficiently excuse me from being more minute and particular , leaving that task wholly to abler judges in poetry . this therefore must be own'd by all , that he has made a happy choice of his subject and hero , whereby he signalizes his own country ; which is more than any of our english poets have done before him , besides the romantick spencer . he professes in his preface to have imitated virgil in his design , and how well he has copy'd that great model let us now see . if we will examine things according to the rules bossu has laid down , his fable will appear to be exactly the same with that of the aeneid . his action is like that of the latin poet , one , entire , noble , great , and important action , viz. the restoration of a decay'd church and state to its ancient splendor and glory . the intrigues he makes use of to hinder his hero from accomplishing his great and good designs are of the very same make with those of virgil. for as in the one , juno , who had equal power both by sea and land , raises all the obstacles , that lay in the way of the trojan hero : so in the other , lucifer the prince of the air , equal in power to juno , raises all the storms by sea , and all the disturbances by land , that hindred the settlement of our british hero. and as the intrigues , so the solution or vnravelling of these intrigues are as just , as regular , and as natural as those in the aeneid . in his inscription or title he has follow'd homer in his odysseis , and virgil in his aeneid , who have both inscrib'd their poems with their hero's name . his proposition is as full , but withal as modest both with respect to himself and his hero , as horace requires , and virgil has practis'd . his invocation is much the same with that of the aeneid , and therein he has like virgil inserted * his hero's character . the narration of our english poet ( bating some few defects , which we shall mention by and by ) is as exact as that of the latin : and has in a great measure all those qualifications which bossu says are requisite thereto ; for it is pleasant , probable , moving , marvellous , and active . the manners of his human personages , their interests , and designs , are as regularly order'd , as those in virgil's poem . all the characters are nobly drawn , and look like the curious strokes of a great master ; for they all tend to , and centure in the general character of the poem and hero , namely in that noble ornament of the soul , generosity . his machines are very natural , and adapted to the genius and notions of our times , as virgils were to those of his age. his expression is noble and majestical ; his verse sonorous , masculine , and strong ; his thoughts are sublime ; his similes natural ; his descriptions proper ; and his sentences few and regular . in a word throughout the whole he seems in a great measure to have confin'd himself to the * rules of aristotle and horace , to have copy'd the best of any man the perfections of virgil , and to have shewn a strength of genius , an heighth of fancy , and a correctedness of judgment , that comes but a little behind that of the two ancient poets . but after all it must be said ( though with some sort of reluctancy ) that there are some few things which need polishing , and which after second and more deliberate thoughts , that great master would no doubt have corrected . for one may question whether his digressions are not too tedious , and sometimes foreign to the subject : especially that of prince arthur's speech to king hoel , which takes up two whole books . for what relation has this recital of the creation of the world ; of the fall of man ; of his redemption ; of the resurrection ; of the last judgment , and the like with the main action of the poem ; which is the restoring religion and liberty , to the british nation , and settling both church and state on their ancient foundations of truth and peace ? i know it may be said in favour of it , that it was necessary for the conversion of hoel , that such an account of things should be given him . but would not a bare recital of a few lines , that such a relation was given him , have been sufficient ? and would not such a conduct have been more conformable to the nature of epick poesie , which excludes every thing that is foreign to the main purpose ? they who think to salve this by saying , that this speech is in imitation of aeneas's speech to dido , will be owned by all that have read and compar'd both , to be egregiously mistaken , and the author himself has no reason to thank them for making such a ridiculous comparison . there is no manner of likeness between these two speeches . the one , namely that of aeneas , is a story of whatever had happen'd to him for six years together since the taking of troy , and 't is from that time the action of the poem begins : but the narration of prince arthur is a relation of things , wherein he had no more interest than any other ordinary man and christian ; and were we to reckon the duration of the action , from the time whereby the poet begins this speech , as all criticks have done that of the aeneid , it would not be the action of six or seven years , but of six times as many ages . there is no comparison then to be made between these two speeches ; but that of our english poet is wholly a digression , and the other necessary and essential to the aeneid . that which our author design'd to answer the speech of aeneas to dido , is doubtless the speech of one of prince arthur's attendants , lucius , to king hoel : as appears if we compare the beginning of this speech to the beginning of that in the aeneid . lucius begins thus : how sad a task do your commands impose that must renew unsufferable woes ? that must our grief with sad affliction feed , and make your generous heart with pity bleed . whilst i the dismal scenes of ills disclose , and bleeding albion's ghastly wounds expose . the cruel foes in telling would relent , and with their tears , the spoils , they caus'd lament . pity would picts and saxon breasts invade , and make them mourn , o'er the dire wounds they made . but since you 're pleas'd to hear our countries fate , i 'll pay obedience , and our woes relate . now all this is an exact copy of the beginning of aeneas's speech to dido , which runs thus : infandum , regina , jubes renovare dolorem : trojanas ut opes & lamentabite regnum eruerint danai , quaeque ipse miserrima vidi , et quorum pars magna fui . quis talla fando , myrmidonum , dolopûmve , aut duri miles vlyssel , temperet à lacrymis ? et jam nox humida coelo praecipitat , suadentque cadentia sydera somnos . sed si tantus amor casus cognoscere nostros , et breviter trojae supremum audire laborem , quanquam animus meminisse horret , luctuque refugit : incipiam . in this speech blackmore , in my opinion , is more lucky in the choice of his speaker than virgil was ; for doubtless 't is more for the honour of the hero , at least more agreable to the notions and religion of our times , and greater advantages might be drawn from another person 's telling his adventures , than if he himself were the relater of them . but even in this speech our english poet seems not to be so regular as is requisite . lucius begins too high in his narration . * aeneas begins his recital at the building of the wooden horse , and the taking of troy ; this is regular , and answers exactly to what dido had desir'd of him . but lucius , though hoel only desir'd him to relate prince arthur's story , and king vter's fate , tells him of the decay of old rome ; of the britains shaking off the roman yoke ; how they were invaded by the scots and picts ; that at last they were forc'd to send to the saxons for their assistance , who instead of friends became their masters ; and then he comes to relate what was requir'd . now all that is said before the account of king vter's fighting with the saxons and his overthrow , is , preliminary and wholy foreign to the main action . for if we will compute the duration of the action of prince arthur , according to the rules by which we compute the duration of the action of the aeneid , we must reckon , that it lasted from the death of king vter , and the overthrow of his army , which put prince arthur upon travelling into neustria ; untill the death of tollo , which wholly made way for the resettlement of prince arthur . these are my thoughts , but perhaps the author had other designs in his head , particularly that of preaching morality and religion to an immoral and irreligious age ; which seems in a great measure to excuse his long digressions . again one may question whether most of his descriptions are not too long , and whether if our english poet had bestow'd as much pains , and spent as much time about his poem , as virgil did about his aeneid , he would not have shortn'd his descriptions , avoided . repetitions of the same things , and been more correct throughout the whole . lastly it is urg'd by some , that he has but a few episodes in comparison to virgil , and it seems probable to me , that this thinness of episodes has oblig'd him to be so long and tedious in his descriptions and digressions ; else his poem would have taken up but a little compass . these are all the faults that i think are worth taking notice of ; there are indeed other little slips , which touch not the essence and bottom of the fable and poem , therefore i shall not mention them . nor are those i have mention'd such as cast any great discredit upon our english poet : for notwithstanding all that has been said , spight of ill-nature , envy , and detraction , he may justly be reckon'd the next to , though not an equal with homer and virgil. having thus taken a short view of the poets of all ages , and of almost all the polite countries in the world , and having found how far short all of them , even blackmore himself , fall of the perfections and excellencies of the other two , it may seem necessary to decide a controversie that has arose among the learned whether homer or virgil had the greater genius , and which of them deserv'd the greater applause . we find them divided into parties about it , some declaring in favour of the one , some in favour of the other . but without detracting from either , we may venture to say that each of them had their peculiar excellencies , which the other had not . if homer was the first model of this way , yet virgil was under such circumstances as gave him not only the glory of well copying so great a pattern , but even of a primary invention . if the first had more flame , the last had more phlegm , and tho the poems of the one had more spirit in them , yet the aeneid of the other was more correct . on the other hand , if we do not meet with those perfect hero's , and those noble ideas of vertue in homer , as are to be seen in virgil , 't is to be attributed more to the unhappiness and imperfections of the times the greek poet liv'd in , than to any want of judgment and skill . in a word they are both excellent in their kind , and if homer seems better than virgil , 't is because it was his fortune to be born first : as on the contrary , if any one thinks the latin poet to be best , 't is because he had so excellent a model to imitate . however the case is , yet 't is evident they both had large genius's , and such as no others , as we know of , could stand in competition with . now it is not to be wonder'd at , if by the great performances of such an extraordinary genius as animated homer and virgil , many great , extraordinary and almost miraculous effects were produc'd . love , admiration , and esteem were the common tributes which the vulgar paid to the venerable name of poet. they were so charm'd with the sweetness of all poetical composures , that they look'd upon what the poet said as divine , and gave the same credit to it , as to an oracle . hence it came to pass that all the poets writings were among the heathen reckon'd as so many lessons or sermons of morality , which polish'd the manners , smooth'd the temper , and civiliz'd the disposition of the most barbarous nations . nor is it unreasonable to imagine that even the refinedness of athens was owing more to the poets , than to the philosophers instructions . of all that has been said in favour of the poets , homer may claim a great share , since if we will believe horace in the case , his * writings were more instructive and useful , for the conduct of human life , than the precepts of even the best moral philosophers . 't is to be confessed , we are in the dark , as to what effects his two poems had in the age he liv'd in : but this we know , that in after ages they have been had in universal esteem , and will always be admir'd as long as learning and good-manners have any repute in the world. the same may be said of virgil. for the more any age increases in sound knowledge , and ingenious literature , the more to be sure will his poem be had in admiration . besides it seems to have had a strange and peculiar effect in the age , and upon the state he liv'd under . for 't is more than probable that the publishing of his aeneid conduc'd very much to the settling augustus on the imperial throne . we know what a strange a version the romans had to the very name of monarchy , and 't is not likely they would so soon have exchang'd their belov'd democracy for that which they so much hated , had they not been work'd over to it by the instructions of virgil : who informs them , that when heaven decrees to settle a state upon such or such a foundation , 't is athoism and irreligion to oppose its designs ; and such an affront to the divine majesty and wisdom as should certainly meet with speedy , and condign punishment . let us now see what encouragement the epick poets have met with . as for homer , the times he liv'd in are so obscure , that we can gather nothing of certainty from history about him . but 't is by most concluded that he was as poor as he was ingenious : and that though many cities after his death claim'd him for their own ; yet none of them gave the blind bard , that encouragement he merited whilst alive . 't is likely he was admir'd and esteem'd by all , but receiv'd no other reward that we know of , for his deserts , but what our poor spencer did , namely a courtiers smile ; insignificant promises , and a few fawning . compliments . virgil had the luck to live in better times , for he met with a maecenas , who honour'd him with his favour , encourag'd him with his gifts , and introduc'd him into the esteem of augustus himself . this indeed was something more than the empty breath of popular applause ; and parnassus at that time was not such a starving , barren soil , as before and afterwards it prov'd . then poets were had in admiration , and every one receiv'd that recompence , which was their due . this was the poets golden age , and all other polite learning met with such ample encouragement , as made it flourish more under the reign of augustus , than in after ages , even to the honour and admiration of those , and to the disgrace and reproach of succeeding times . there have been indeed some intervals since , wherein poets have met with their due rewards . ariosto and tasso are said to have met with their patrons , who accepted of their pieces , and recompenc'd their labours . and in france , richlieu was a great and never-failing friend to the muses and their votaries . but at other times the poor bards have been left to feed upon the empty air of vulgar fame . for a proof of this , we need only have recourse to the poets of our own nation , who whilst living have most of them met with the same fate as their fore-father homer ; tho' when dead they have like him been even idoliz'd . but this posthumous fame is but a poor subsistence for a living poet : and this gives us a just occasion to enquire into the reasons of the declining state of epick poetry among the moderns , especially in our own nation . one would wonder how it comes to pass , that in such an age as this , wherein all manner of polite learning shines with as great a lustre , as it did in the reign of augustus , epick poetry should be the only slighted and neglected thing . but for all our wonder , experience shews us , that 't is so far disregarded by the learned world , that few or none , tho' duly qualified , will venture upon such an undertaking ; and there are but a few likewise that understand the true nature and design of an epick poem . there have been many reasons brought to prove it next to impossible for one of our modern poets to write a true heroick poem , such a one as homer and virgil have wrote . some of these reasons i shall just mention , and prove them to be only pretences at the best ; and then i shall make bold to propose some other reasons of the declining state of heroick poetry in our times , which perhaps may seem to the unprejudic'd reader to be of more weight and consequence , than any that have as yet been alledg'd . first of all 't is objected by some , that we want due matter for an heroick poem : that is , the history of our nation is not able to furnish us with an action or an hero that is fit for such a poem . were we indeed to judge of this by the practice of sir william d'avenant and mr. cowley , who have each of them made choice of a subject and hero , that has nothing to do with the english nation , we might then be inclin'd to suppose it was for want of due and just matter in our own annals . but i think they had no need of searching into foreign history for their actions and hero's , since they might with more credit to themselves and with more honor to their country , have met with both nigher home . 't is certain our own history could have furnish'd them with as just a subject for heroick poetry , as any other . experience has shewn us since , by the happy choice dr. blackmore has made of prince arthur , that our annals are not so barren of great and noble actions and heros as some would pretend . it argues then great ignorance , or at least great negligence in the search of our records to say , that we want due matter for an heroick poem . again 't is objected by others , that we want a genius for such an vndertaking . this indeed is a weightier reason than the former , and if true , would silence all our pretences to epick poetry . sir william temple in his essay of ancient and modern learning , presses this argument very strongly against the modern poets . but without any offence to that great man , it may be justly affirm'd , that this last age has produc'd as many great and noble genius's , as any other age before it : so that had they been inclin'd to epick poetry , and received any encouragement that way , they might no question have come off with the same success as they have in the drama . sir william will not allow our moderns to be any more than dwarfs in learning , when compar'd to the ancients ; and then , by a pretty sort of allegory , he goes about to prove , that they with all the advantages of writing after the ancients , cannot make so great a progress in learning as those did . i shall not trouble my self with refuting his assertion , since that is done already by mr. wootton in his reflections upon ancient and modern learning , wherein he sufficiently proves the moderns to be as tall in learning , if not taller than sir william's gaints were ; and that 't is not want of genius , but some accidental circumstances , which make the men of this age come behind those of former times in oratory and poetry . another objection is , our defect of numbers , and that our language is not proper for heroick poetry . this is what wootton himself urges in his reflections , when he will not allow the former reason to hold good . he tells us there , that the greek was so smooth , soft , and ductile , that homer had great encouragement even from his language , to set about an heroick poem : that the latin was majestical and stately , but withal so rough , that virgil had much ado to run it down to verse : but that our modern languages are all so harsh and unmalleable , that the poets have no encouragement to form any thing that is great out of them . this , if i mistake not his sense , is the force of his objection . but it may be reply'd , that tho'our language is not so smooth and sonorous as the greek , yet it comes the next to it of any language . 't is well known how it has been refining ever since waller's and cowley's time , and it seems at present to be almost arriv'd to its purity and perfection . * dryden calls it a noble language , and is only sorry we have not a more certain measure of it , as they have in france , where they have an academy erected for that purpose , and endowed with large privileges by the present king. rapin himself acknowledges the majesty of our language , which , he says , is proper for great expressions : rymer compares the spanish , the italian , the french , and the german , to our language , and prefers the english to all the rest ; which , he says , has a weight , fullness , vigour , force , gravity , and fitness for heroick poesie , above all other languages . how true this is , appears from the daily writings of our poets , and especially from some of dryden's poems , and blackmore's prince arthur , where their expression is lofty and majestical , the verse smooth and strong , and the numbers truly harmonious , and befitting their respective designs . i shall only add the opinion of roscommon in the case , who speaking in commendation of the english language , makes it by much to be superiour to the french. his words are these : but who did ever in french authors see the comprehensive english energy ? the weighty bullion of one sterling line , drawn to french wire , would through whole pages shint . i speak my private , but impartial sence , with freedom , and ( i hope ) without offence : for i 'll recant , when france can shew me wit , as strong as ours , and as succinctly writ . [ roscommon ' s essay on translated verse . ] lastly , 't is objected , that we want the benefit of machines ; which the heathen poets made so great use of , and with which their poems were full from one end to the other : that the notions and religion of our times exclude all manner of miracles , and the extraordinary presence of the heathen gods from having any thing to do in the ordinary course of humane affairs , which we believe now to be govern'd only by one common providence ; and that upon this account it seems altogether unpracticable for any of our modern poets to write an heroick poem like to those of homer and virgil. this objection is duly stated , and fully answer'd by mr. dryden in his dedication before the translation of juvenal . there he tells us , that our religion does indeed debar the poet from making use of jupiter , juno , minerva , venus , or any others of the heathen deities : but that this is made up to the poet another way ; that 't is not contrary to christianity to believe that there are good and bad spirits which have some sort of influence over humane affairs : and that the poet may form as just machines out of these , as the ancients did out of their divinities . this is what blackmore has done even to admiration , and his practice and conduct has put it beyond all dispute , that we may very safely and regularly make use of machines , provided they are such as are suited to the notions and religion of our times . these are the principal objections i thought fit to mention , which are not such solid reasons as some may imagine : i shall now according to my promise propose some others , which i think to be more substantial ; but withal i must reserve to my self my first caution , namely , that i design to dictate nothing herein , but to lay down my thoughts as plainly and as clearly as possible , and to refer all to the verdict of better judgments . first then i say , that one great reason of that genetal disesteem which epick poetry lies under , and of its declining state among the moderns , seems to be the degeneracy of the present age. we are fall'n at last into such unhappy times , wherein men are as averse to the precepts of morality , which the epick poet writes , as they are to the lessons of divinity , which the preacher every day inculcates . we do indeed read homer and virgil , but then 't is not with a design , like the bee , to suck the honey out of them , but in imitation of more sordid creatures , to extract all the venom we can , in order to corrupt our manners , and give a gust to our debaucheries . we are glad to find any passage in them that may seem to favour our licentiousness , and even those that are design'd to be our physick , we like men of a sick stomach , turn all into rank poyson . now no wonder if when our palates are thus vitiated we have no relish for the wholesome instructions of epick poetry . poets then , to please the humour of the age , are forced to write in their way , especially such of them as have not souls great enough to stem the torrent of so universal a vice. hence it comes to pass that we have so many vile plays acted on the stage , wherein vice is set off with all the lustre , and recommended with all the endearments that a corrupted poet's wit can invent , or the most loose debauché could have desir'd . thus both poets and audience , by an unheard of complaisance , contribute to the ruine and corruption of each others manners . another great reason of the declining state of epick poetry , and of the degeneracy of all other sorts of poetry , is the want of due encouragement . this is the true ground of all our grievances , and till this be provided against , 't is to be fear'd nothing that is great , noble , vertuous , and truly good , will ever be produc'd by our modern poets . athens and rome made their poets the pensioners of their state , and maintain'd them honourably out of the publick treasury . hence it was they never ventur'd , at least not in the most primitive times of poetry , to write any thing which might reflect upon the government they liv'd under , or upon the gods they worship'd . but now with us the poet meets with no encouragement , and only one lawreat is maintain'd at the publick charge . upon this account it is that men of large souls , who cannot condescend to humour the vulgar in their licentiousness , turn the bent of their studies another way , and fly parnassus as they would the most dangerous contagion . others of a more pliable temper take up with the stage , and that they may receive some profit themselves , study not to profit , so much as they do to please their audience , and that in their lewd way too . but is it not a burning shame that such a noble genius as dryden and others , that seem to be made for greater designs , should be forc'd to a fatal dilemma , either to truckle to a playhouse for the uncertain profit of a third day , or to starve for want of other reasonable encouragement ? but 't is hop'd on all hands , that under the reign of one that may truly be term'd another augustus , and under the patronage of one that may as justly be stil'd a second mecoenas , poetry will regain its ancient privileges , and epick poets receive that publick and due encouragement they really deserve . the third and last reason i shall mention for the declining state of epick poetry among the moderns is , their notorious neglect of following the rules which aristotle and horace have prescrib'd : this , and not want of genius , has been the true cause why several of our english epick poets have succeeded so ill in their designs , rymer urges this very strongly against spencer himself , whom at the same time he acknowledges to have had a large soul , a sharp judgment , and a genius for heroick poesie , perhaps above any that ever writ since virgil. for no question but his following an unfaithful guide , his rambling after marvellous adventures , his making no conscience of probability , and almost all his other faults proceeded from one and the same cause , namely , his neglect of following the rules of poetry . the same may be said of sir william d' avenant , and mr. cowley : for all the defects rymer charges them with , are wholly owing to the same cause . 't is likewise upon this very account that the pieces of our dramatick poets , which are reckon'd to be the best performances of the present age , can scarce any of them stand the test of a judicious eye : and a man of sense that knows the art of poetry , and has read the performances of former ages , cannot but pity the conceited ignorance and perverse pride of our modern poets , who scorn to be confin'd to the rules of art. they have been told of this often and often , but they think their own wit is the best judge in the case ; and as long as 't is so there is no hopes of any amendment , or of any great productions in poetry . i know they bring several objections against writing according to the rules , but they are so trifling that i think it not worth while to examine them here : besides , all their objections , at least the weightiest of them , have been stated , examin'd , and refuted in the preface before the last translation of terence ' s comedies ; so that i am sufficiently excus'd from that needless task . i shall shut up all that has been said on epick poetry , with giving you the thoughts of a very eminent person of quality of this present age and nation ; who seems to have comprehended all that has been said on this subject in these few verses . by painful steps we are at last got up parnassus hill , on whose bright airy top the epick poets so divinely show , and with just pride behold the rest below . heroick poems have a just pretence to be the utmost reach of humane sence , a work of such inestimable worth , there are but two the world has yet brought forth , homer and virgil : with what awful sound do those meer words the ears of poets wound ! just as a changling seems below the rest of men , or rather is a two-leg'd beast : so these gigantick souls amaz'd we find as much above the rest of humane kind . nature's whole strength united ! endless fame , and vniversal shouts attend their name . read homer once , and you can read no more , for all things else appear so dull and poor , verse will seem prose , yet often on him look , and you will hardly need another book . [ the earl of mulgrave's essay on poetry . ] after what has been said in favour of epick poetry , it may be expected i should say something in behalf of my author , and give the world some account of the reasons that induc'd me to translate it : but before i do either , i must beg leave to premise a word or two , which to the more judicious may not seem to be a digression . to criticise upon any author , is no such easie matter as some may imagine : but to pass a true and impartial judgment upon the writings of the poets , may be justly reckon'd one of the hardest parts of criticism . every little pretender is not fit for such an undertaking . it requires a large but regulated fancy , a sound , solid , and penetrating judgment , deep , piercing , and steady thoughts , a long and obstinate course of study , much and certain experience , a clear and perfect insight into poetry and all its parts ; but above all , the utmost stretch of humanity and good nature . every one that reads homer and virgil , cannot be presum'd to understand them perfectly : nor are all that understand these authors to be admitted as competent judges of their excellencies and failures . they must first be masters of the foremention'd qualities , and then they may begin to criticise and reflect upon what they read and thorowly understand . then they will be able to separate the dross from the or , to discern the false glittering of the tinsel from the true lustre of the jewel , and to know what is praise-worthy and what is not . how synonymous soever the words may seem at first hearing , yet unquestionably there is as much difference between censuring and criticising , as there is between a corrupted , ill-natur'd , and a fair impartial judge . a little wit , arm'd with a great deal of malice , will go a great way towards the composing a censurer : such a one , i mean , that carps at ev'ry thing he meets with , that would find faults where there are none , and take some sort of complacency and delight in magnifying the smallest slips of an author . but now the true critick is quite another thing ; he brings all he reads and reflects on to the criterion of right reason , and to the standard of truth . what is excellent and beautiful , he not only acquits , but highly applauds and commends : what is weak he does all he can in justice to conceal or defend ; and like a compassionate judge , 't is with some sort of reluctance and regret that he is forc'd at last to pass a black sentence upon the most criminal pieces . such a critick as this is of vast use to the commonwealth of learning , not only for encouraging and countenancing the good , but likewise for discouraing and deterring the bad writers : since the excellencies of the one will be sure to meet with a due esteem ; and the faults of the other will in spite of the criticks good nature , fall under a just and severe censure . this is that notion i have of a true and accomplish'd critick : all others may be term'd censurers , carpers , momus's , or by what other name of ignominy you please to give them , but are by no means to be allow'd competent judges of any author's writings . this sort of learning was in no small esteem among the ancients ; as is manifest from the many curious reflections and useful criticisms , which aristotle and longinus among the greeks , horace and petronius among the latins ( not to mention any more ) have left behind them . of latter date the italians and spaniards have fet up for great criticks ; but those among them that have prov'd best , are such as have follow'd the rules and precepts of aristotle and horace , and other great masters of antiquity ; whilst others that have invented any thing of their own , have come off with less judgment and applause . among the english , there have been but few that merit the name of critick , in that sense i take the word . most of them are only criticks in the worst sense ; that is , such as expose the faults , but take no notice of the excellencies of authors . the judicious rymer , who seems to have a particular talent for criticising , yet in my opinion falls short of being a true critick : and if he will still dispute that title with the world , yet he must be contented with being reckon'd one of the meaner sort ; since'tis more difficult and honourable to discern and commend the excellencies , than'tis to find out and expose the failings of shakespear , fletcher , or any other author . at present the french , since the great encouragement they at first receiv'd from the learned richlieu , seem to be uppermost in this sort of learning : and how dull and insipid soever they are said to be in other parts , yet in criticisms they are full of curious thoughts , and refin'd reflections . rapin , in all the reflections he has made , comes off with universal applause ; but those on aristotle's poesie seem the most correct of any . he has reflected on all the parts of poetry , and descends to the more minute and lesser pieces of it ; which is something more than aristotle himself has left us . as for my author , whom d'acier in his notes upon aristotle's poesie calls the ingenious and judicious bossu ; he , i say , has enlarg'd himself upon only one part of poesie , to wit , the epick . and herein he ties himself strictly to a method , which he as strictly pursues . he professes at the very first , to have follow'd the rules and precepts of aristotle and horace , and the practice of homer and virgil. upon such sure grounds as these he builds all his notions ; and having such masters and patterns to go by , who can doubt of his success ? what he takes from aristotle and horace , he explains , improves , and refines : what is his own , though never so judicious and rational , he lays down not in a dogmatical magisterial way , but by way of problem : and what he asserts with an air of confidence , though not his masters thoughts , yet seem to be natural deductions from what they have wrote about it . 't is not to be question'd , but in many things he dissents from most mens opinions ; but 't is to be hop'd , no judicious person will condemn him till he has seriously weigh'd his reasons , and consider'd the arguments he uses to maintain his cause : and then if our critick can be convinc'd of any error , he is too modest not to submit to the suffrage of better judgments . but if , on the other hand , he has reason on his side , it may with justice be expected , that he will be a means of opening the eyes of a great many unprejudic'd persons . his main design of writing these reflexions was , as he tells us himself , for the sake of those that read virgil ; and to such i dare affirm , that this treatise will be of more use than all the notes and comments they have hitherto seen . they are usually stuff'd with idle and unprofitable remarks upon meer words ; but this full of ingenious criticisms upon the most weighty and important things . how well he has discharg'd himself , those who carefully read over this tract of his , will no doubt discover ; and they will without doubt from thence form a nobler idea of virgil , and his design , than hitherto they have conceiv'd . if he seems , like his country-men , to be too verbose , 't is only upon the account of his studying to make all things as plain and as intelligible as may be ; and whether that be a real fault , i leave others to judge . beside the useful reflexions he makes upon the conduct of virgil in particular , you will find many others of no less use upon the practice of homer , and upon epick poetry in general ; and now and then some that will give you no small light into the other two parts of great poetry , tragedy and comedy . in a word , he has throughout the whole acquitted himself like a true , judicious , and impartial critick . he commends the excellencies of the good , and censures the failings of the worst poets with such a justness and moderation , as deserves a particular esteem and admiration . tho statius , claudian , lucan , seneca , and others , fall under his lash , yet he meddles with their faults no farther than his subject requires , and upon occasion he gives them their full commendations : and on the contrary , tho he bestows on homer and his admir'd virgil very high and large encomiums , yet they are no more than the most invidious part of the world have allow'd them ; and he often blames both when he cannot in justice excuse their failings . 't is now high time i should give you some account of the reasons that induc'd me to the translating this author . one , and not the least , is the excellency and usefulness of these reflexions , which are too good to be confin'd to a foreign language . 't is true , french is now become fashionable and common , and seems to be as universally studied , as latin was formerly ; and ev'ry pretender to gallantry and good breeding , pretends at least to be a perfect master and judge of this language . but however , i believe the language is not so familiar , but by a modest computation it may be affirm'd , that a tenth part of those that read homer and virgil , understand but very little of it . to such as these , this translation may be of some use ; and perhaps others who think they already understand the french tongue , may be glad to see so beneficial a treatise in a more familiar and intelligible language . another reason that inclin'd me to this undertaking is , the notice i receiv'd that virgil was now ready to be translated into english by an eminent hand . before therefore that that translation came out into the world , i could not but think it proper and useful to usher it in by the reflections of so able a critick . and perhaps it may be of some use to the understanding virgil , when read in our mother-tongue . besides , it has the fortune to come out just after dr. blackmore's poem , and may be of great use to those who have an inclination to poetry ; for by it they will be able to judge of this english poet. as for the translation , you must not expect a verbal one ; for to that i neither think my self nor any body else oblig'd . i have kept as nigh my author's sence as possible ; and perhaps some may think i have follow'd him too close . however , i did all i could to render him with all the perspicuity which a didactick stile requir'd : and if that be granted me , i have all i aimed at . some terms of art which bossu borrow'd from the greek , i was oblig'd to retain as i found them : but doubtless , whoever attentively reads what he has said about them , will soon find them to be no mystery . the citations in the margent ( as many as i thought good to make use of ) are all left in their original languages : but such as are in the text , i thought would appear best in english , unless when the subject requir'd the contrary . for this purpose , some i made bold to borrow from the translations that were ready done to my hands by several . wits of the age : of the rest , some i translated my self ; and others more difficult , i got an ingenious friend of mine to turn for me . this is all the account i think fit to give you of my reasons for translating bossu , and of the method i have taken therein . whatever pains and precaution i have us'd , i do not expect i shall please every body , and 't is a wonder if i should . some will censure the author , others the translation , and a third sort perhaps , stirr'd up with a generous kind of envy call'd emulation , will either endeavour to translate it better themselves , or else vent some new notions of their own . however it happen , the world will be the better for it , and my author and i shall have this satisfaction , that the commonwealth of learning will be then engag'd to thank us not only for our own mean , but even for their more elaborate productions . the contents . book i. of the nature of the epick poem ; and of the fable . chap. i. the design of the whole work. page . chap. ii. what is the nature of the epick poem . p. . chap. iii. the definition of the epick poem . p. . chap. iv. of the parts of the epick poem . the division of this treatise . p. . chap. v. of the poem . p. . chap. vi. of the fable . p. . chap. vii . the method of composing a fable . p. . chap. viii . of the fable of the iliad . p. . chap. ix . a comparison of the fable of the iliad with that of aesop . p. . chap. x. the fable of the odysseis . p. . chap. xi . of the fable of the aeneid . p. . chap. xii . horace's thoughts of the epick fable . p. . chap. xiii . aristotle's thoughts of the epick fable . p. . chap. xiv . of real actions , the recitals whereof are fables . p. . chap. xv. of feign'd actions , the recitals whereof are historical . p. . chap. xvi . of the vicious multiplication of fables . p. . chap. xvii . of the regular multiplication of fables . p. . chap. xviii . the conclusion of the first book . p. . book ii. concerning the subject-matter of the epick poem , or concerning the action . chap. i. what the subject-matter of the epick poem is . p. . chap. ii. episodes consider'd in their original . p. . chap. iii. an explication of the foregoing doctrine , by an instance . p. . chap. iv. of the several sorts of episodes , and what is meant by this term. p. . chap. v. concerning the nature of episodes . p. . chap. vi. the definition of episodes . p. . chap. vii . of the vnity of the action . p. . chap. viii . of the faults which corrupt the vnity of the action . p. . chap. ix . of the integrity of the action . p. . chap. x. that the action ought to be a whole . p. . chap. xi . of the beginning , middle , and end of the action . p. . chap. xii . of the causes of the action . p. . chap. xiii . of the intrigue , and the vnravelling thereof . p. . chap. xiv . the way of forming the plot or intrigue . p. . chap. xv. how to dispose or prepare the vnravelling . p. . chap. xvi . of the several sorts of actions . p. . chap. xvii . of the conclusion of the action . p. . chap. xviii . of the duration of the action . p. . chap. xix . of the importance of the action . p. . book iii. concerning the form of the epick poem ; or , concerning the narration . chap. i. of the parts of the narration . p. . chap. ii. of the title of the epick poem . p. . chap. iii. of the proposition . p. . chap. iv. of the invocation . p. . chap. v. of the body of the poem , or the narration , properly so called . p. . chap. vi. how the narration is pleasant . p. . chap. vii . of probability . p. . chap. viii . of the admirable , or the marvellous . p. . chap. ix . of the passions . p. . chap. x. how the narration ought to be active . p. . chap. xi . of the continuity of the action , and the order of the narration . p. . chap. xii . of the duration of the narration . p. . book iv. concerning the manners of the epick poem . chap. i. concerning the manners in general . p. . chap. ii. of the causes of the manners . p. . chap. iii. concerning the manners of other sciences besides poetry . p. . chap. iv. of the manners of poetry . p. . chap. v. whether the hero of the poem ought to be an honest man , or no ? p. . chap. vi. of the poetical goodness of the manners . p. . chap. vii . of the three other qualifications of the manners . p. . chap. viii . of the character of the personages . aristotle's words about it . p. . chap. ix . of the characters of achilles , ulysses , and aeneas . p. . chap. x. of the character of the other personages . p. . chap. xi . what the character is . p. . chap. xii . of the vnity of the character in the hero. p. . chap. xiii . the vnity of the character in the poem . p. . chap. xiv . of the justness of the character . p. . chap. xv. of false characters . p. . book v. concerning the machines . chap. i. of the several sorts of deities . p. . chap. ii. of the manners of the gods. p. . chap. iii. how the gods act in a poem . p. . chap. iv. when one must make use of machines . p. . chap. v. how the machines are to be used . p. . chap. vi. whether the presence of the gods is any disparagement to the heroes . p. . book vi. concerning the thoughts and the expression . chap. i. the foundation of this doctrine . p. . chap. ii. concerning descriptions . p. . chap. iii. of comparisons or simile's . p. . chap. iv. concerning sentences . p. . chap. v. concerning disguis'd sentences . p. . chap. vi. concerning several other thoughts . p. . chap. vii . of the expression . p. . chap. viii . how one ought to judge of the elocution of a poem . p. . d'acier's essay upon satyr . p. . monsieur fontanelle upon pastorals . p. . errata . page . line . read of epick poesie . p. . l. . for morals r. manners . p. . l. . r. regimens . p. . l . r. of the fable . p. . l. . r. so much as desiring . p. . l. . r. cutting off his enemies . p. . l. . for model r. draught . p. . l. . r. at an end . p. . l. . for this r. that . p. . l. . for the r. this , king of kings . p. . l. . r. obligation . p. . l. . r. ilus . p. . l. . r. glaring . p. . l. . for yes r. lies . p. . l. . for two r. too . p. . l. . for he follows his advice r. whose advice he follows . p. . l. . r. concerning the continuity . p. . l. . for two r. too . p. . l. antepenult . r. that these are not vices . p. . l. . r. relentless . p. . l. . r. to distinguish . p. . l. . for faces r. phases . p. . l. . r. valet . p. . l. . r. dazzling . p. . l. . for print r. rein. p. . l. . r. glaring . p. . l. . r. raze : ibid. l. . r. and to break down bridges . p. . l. ult . r. spaces . p. . l. . r. to own . p. . l. . r. in this sort of writing . p. . l. . for learn r. leave . p. . l. . r. to an amazon . p. . l. . for befel r. be felt . p. . l. . for projections r. proportions . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book i. of the nature of the epick poem ; and of the fable . chap. i. the design of the whole work. arts , as well as sciences , are founded upon reason , and in both we are to be guided by the light of nature . but in sciences , neither the inventers , nor the improvers of them , are to make use of any other guides but this light of nature : whereas on the other hand , all arts depend upon a great many other things , such as the choice and genius of those , who first invented them , or of those who have labour'd at them with an universal applause . poetry is of this nature : and thò reason might have first founded it , yet it cannot be deny'd but that the invention of poets , and the choice they have been pleas'd to make , have added thereto both its matter and form. 't is then in the excellent pieces of antiquity we are to look for the fundamentals of this art : and , they are only to be rely'd on , to whom all others yield the glory of having either practis'd with the most success , or collected and prescrib'd rules with the greatest judgment . the greeks and latins have furnish'd us with examples of both kinds . aristotle and horace left behind them such rules , as make them by all men of learning , to be look'd upon as perfect masters of the art of poetry : and the poems of homer and virgil are , by the grant of all ages , the most perfect models of this way of writing , the world ever saw . so that if ever a just and supreme authority had the power to prescribe laws and rules to any art , one cannot question but these four persons had all authority on their side , with respect to the epick poem . and this is the only kind we shall treat of at present . 't is true , the men of our times may have as much spirit as the ancients had ; and in those things which depend upon choice and invention , they may likewise have as just and as lucky fancies : but then it would be a piece of injustice to pretend that our new rules destroy those of our first masters ; and that they must needs condemn all their works , who could not foresee our humours , nor adapt themselves to the genius of such persons as were to be born in after-ages , under different governments , and under a different religion from theirs ; and with manners , customs , and languages , that have no kind of relation to them . having no design then by this treatise to make poets after the model of our age ( with which i am not sufficiently acquainted ) but only to furnish my self with some sort of foundation in the design i have of explaining the aeneid of virgil ; i need not concern my self with every new invention of these last times . i am not of opinion , that what our late authors think is universal reason , and such a common notion as nature must needs have put into the head of virgil. but leaving posterity to determine whether these novelties be well or ill devis'd , i shall only acquiesce in what i think may be prov'd from homer , aristotle , and horace . i will interpret the one by the other , and virgil by all three , as having the same genius and idea of the epick poesie . chap. ii. what is the nature of the epick poem . the most considerable difference my subject presents me with between the style of the ancients , and that of the last ages , is , that our way of speaking is plain , proper , and without the turn : whereas theirs was full of mysteries and allegories . the truth was mask'd under these ingenious inventions , which for their excellence go under the name of fables , or sayings ; as if there were as much difference between these fabulous discourses of the wise , and the ordinary language of the vulgar , as there is between the language that is proper to men , and the sounds brute beasts make use of to express their passions and sensations . at first the fables were employ'd in speaking of the divine nature according to the notion they then had of it . this sublime subject made the first poets to be stil'd divines , and poetry the language of the gods. they divided the divine attributes as it were into so many persons ; because the infirmity of a humane mind cannot sufficiently conceive , or explain so much power and action in a simplicity so great and indivisible as is that of god. and perhaps they were jealous of the advantages they reap'd from such excellent and refin'd learning , and which they thought the vulgar part of mankind was not worthy of . they could not tell us of the operations of this almighty cause , without speaking at the same time of its effects : so that to divinity they added physiology , and treated thereof , without quitting the umbrages of their allegorical expressions . but man being the chief and the most noble of all the effects which god produc'd , and nothing being so proper , nor more useful to poets than this subject , they have added it to the former , and treated of the doctrine of morality after the same manner as they did that of divinity and philosophy : and from morality thus discours'd of , has art form'd that kind of poem and fable , which we call the epick . what the divines made their divinity , that did the epick poets make their morality . but that infinite variety of the actions and operations of the divine nature ( to which our understanding bears but little proportion ) did as it were force them upon dividing the single idea of the only one god into several persons , under the different names of jupiter , juno , neptune , and the rest . and on the other hand , the nature of moral philosophy being such as never lays down a rule for any particular thing , the epick poets were oblig'd to unite in one single idea , in one and the same person , and in an action that appear'd singular , all that look'd like it in different persons , and in various actions , which might be thus contain'd as so many species under their genus . therefore when aristotle speaks to this purpose , that poetry is more serious than history , and that poets are greater philosophers than historians are : he does not only speak this to magnifie the excellence of this art , but to inform us also of the nature of it . * poesie , says he , teaches morality not by recital only as an historian , who barely tells us what alcibiades for instance ( 't is aristotle's own instance ) did or suffer'd : but by proposing whatever a person , let the poet call him by what name he pleases , ought either necessarily , or in all probability , to have said or done upon that or the like occasion ? 't is in this nature that the poet lays down the bad consequences of an ill-grounded design or a wicked action ; or else the reward of good actions , and the satisfaction one receives from a design form'd by vertue , and manag'd by prudence . thus in the † epopea , according to aristotle , let the names be what they will , yet the persons and the actions are feign'd , allegorical , and vniversal ; not historical and singular . horace is likewise of the same mind , as we shall see hereafter . only by the way we cannot but observe , that he not only says * that poets teach men morality full as well as philosophers , but in that he even gives homer the pre-eminence . the reason poets are more excellent herein than the plain downright philosopher , is this , † that every sort of poem is in general an imitation . now imitation is extremely natural , and pleases every body : by which means this way of proposing things is more charming , and more proper to take with an audience . besides imitation is an instruction by examples ; and examples are very proper to perswade , since they prove such or such a thing is feasible . in short , * imitation is so far the essence of poetry , that it is poetry it self , as aristotle the first founder of this art tells us : and † horace recommends it very particularly to the poet he would create . but thô poets play the moral philosophers , yet still they are no less divines . the morality they deal withal , does indispensibly oblige them to have a vein of divinity run thrô all their works : because the knowledge , the fear , and the love of god ; in a word , piety and religion , are the chief and solidest foundations of other vertues , and of all morality . the presence of the deity , and the care such an august cause ought to take about any action , obliges the poet to represent this action as great , important , and manag'd by * kings and princes . it obliges him likewise to think and speak in an elevated way above the vulgar , and in a style that may in some sort keep up the character of the divine persons he introduces . † to this end serves the poetical and figurative expression , and the majesty of the heroick verse . but all this , being divine and surprizing , may quite ruine all probability : therefore the poet should take special care as to that point , since his chief aim is to instruct , and without probability any action is less likely to perswade . to all this the poets are oblig'd by the substance of the things they propose to themselves as the subject matter of their poems and instructions . the manner of teaching them usefully and methodically , has likewise oblig'd them to add several other rules . the epopéa's business is with the morals and habitudes more than the passions . these rise on a sudden , and their heat is soon over ; but the habitudes are more calm , and come on , and go off more leisurely . therefore the epick action cannot be contain'd in one single day , as the dramatick can : it must have a longer and more just space allow'd it , than that of tragedy , which is only allow'd for the passions . this distinction makes the tragedy and the epopéa differ very much . the violence of tragedy requires a great deal more lively and brisk representation than that of a recital : besides it is all action , and the poet says never a word , as he does in the epopéa , where there are no actors . but if in this the epopéa is inferiour to the drama , yet 't is superiour to both philosophy and history : because 't is a great deal more active than bare philosophy , and the recitals of history : and thô it does not present actors to the eyes of the spectators , yet it ought at least more frequently than historians , to break off the thread of its discourse by the speeches of its personages . this aristotle orders , when he says , that the narration of the epick ought to be dramatick , that is to say , very active . it has likewise its passions , which give it no small advantage over philosophy and history : but in this it is inferiour to tragedy . for thô it has a mixture of all the passions , yet joy and admiration are the most essential to it . these indeed contribute most towards the making us wise men : admiration and curiosity are the cause of sciences ; and nothing engages us so forcibly as pleasure . so that these two passions must never be wanting to any invented piece , if we would be inform'd in what we are indispensibly oblig'd to know . to conclude , because the precepts had need be * concise , that so they may be more easily conceiv'd , and less burden the memory ; and because nothing can be more effectual thereto , than proposing one single idea , and collecting all things so well together , that so they may be present to our minds all at once , the poets have reduc'd all to one † single action , under one and the same design , and in a body whose members and parts should be homogeneous . chap. iii. the definition of the epick poem . that which we have observ'd concerning the nature of the epick poem , gives us a just idea of it , which we may express thus : the epopea is a discourse invented by art , to form the manners by such instructions as are disguis'd under the allegories of some one important action , which is related in verse . after a probable , diverting , and surprizing manner . this here is the definition of the epopéa , and not of poetry it self . for that is an art of making all sorts of poems , of which the epick is but a part . the epopéa then is not an art , but an artificial thing , as 't is express'd in the definition , which says 't is a discourse invented by art. it is likewise one sort of poem , as 't is intimated in the definition by its being call'd a discourse in verse : and the rest distinguishes it from all other sorts of poems . the action of comedy is not very important ; and besides the * poet says nothing , but only the persons he introduces , say and act all , just as in tragedy . for this reason both this and that is stil'd a dramatick poem . and thus it is plain the epopéa is neither tragedy nor comedy . nor is it a piece of natural philosophy , as the poems of empedocles and lucretius : nor a treatise of husbandry , and the like , as the georgicks of virgil : because these pieces are not design'd to form men's manners , and the instructions contain'd in them are naked , simple , and proper , without disguise and allegories . this second reason , which more especially concerns the essence and nature of poesy , does likewise exclude from the number of epick poems , any piece of morality writ in verse , and a plain history , such as lucan's pharsalia , the punick war of silius italicus , and such like real actions of some singular persons without a fable , and in short every thing that is describ'd in verse after this manner . i shall not trouble my head to take notice how the epopéa , differs from the satyr , the eclogue , the ode , the elegy , the epigram , and other lesser poems : for this is self-evident . but it will not be amiss to reflect upon what has been already said , and from thence to conclude that the epopéa has some relation to four things ; viz. to the poem , to the fable , to moral philosophy , and to history . it has a relation to history , because as well this as that relates one or more actions : but the actions of history are singular and true , so that the epopéa is neither a history , nor a species of history . it has a necessary relation to morality , since both one and the other instructs men in their morals ; but the action and the allegories which are proper to it , is the cause why properly speaking it is not moral philosophy , although it may be stil'd a species of it ; and in short , it has a great deal more relation to this than to history . but it belongs altogether to the poem and the fable , since it is properly and truly a poem and a fable ; and is only distinguish'd from other poems and fables , as several species , which equally partake of the same genus , are distinguish'd from one another . besides , the definition does exactly include both , since a poem is a discourse in verse , and a fable is a discourse invented to form men's morals by instructions disguis'd under the allegories of an action . so that one might abridge the definition we have given of the epick poem , and only say , that it is a fable gracefully form'd upon an important action , which is related in verse after a very probable and surprising manner . chap. iv. of the parts of the epick poem . the division of this treatise . the parts of the epick poem contain'd in the former definition are its nature , its matter , its form , and its manner of proposing things . it s nature is twofold ; for the epopéa is both a fable and a poem . but these two several genus's agree very well together , and compose a body , that is no monster . one may likewise very well separate these two natures from one another , and say , that the fable is that which constitutes the nature of the epopéa ; and that the poem tells us how to manage the fable , and comprehends the thoughts , the expression , and the verse . the matter of it is an action feign'd with probability , and drawn from the actions of kings , princes , and gods. this tells us two things , the action and the persons , and therein it does not at all differ from tragedy . the form of it is , that the persons are not here introduc'd to the spectator's view , acting by themselves without the poet , as in tragedy : but that the action is recited by the poet. the end of the epick poem is to lay down moral instructions for all sorts of people both in general and in particular . this part belongs to the poem as it is a fable . it contains the moral which serves for the foundation of the fable ; and besides that it contains the manners of those personages who make some considerable figure in the poem . lastly , as the form includes the person of the poet who makes the rehearsal : so does the end comprehend the persons of the audience for whom the poet designs his instructions . all these things will make up the subject-matter of this treatise : but 't is not necessary they should be all handled with the same particularity and exactness . some will very naturally fall under others , as that will , for instance , which we have to say concerning the poet and his audience . to treat of the end and the moral a-part would require too vast a compass ; i shall content my self to speak thereof in speaking of the fable , and in other places , where the necessary connexion of that part with the rest will afford me just occasions of speaking as much of it as is requisite for my purpose . aristotle divided the thoughts and expressions into two parts , as was very requisite : but so many authors have handled these things , and so copiously too , that i think my self excused from repeating and copying those things , which are under the jurisdiction of other arts. i will leave these things then to the rhetoricians , grammarians , and to those who have writ so much about them even in poetry it self . so that the little i have to say will be compris'd in one part . and my unwillingness to be copious , is the reason which obliges me to speak still less of the poem and versification . but i shall write very fully of the fable , as being the most essential part of the epopéa . so likewise i shall concerning it a form , and its matter . nay more , i shall handle distinctly the morals of the persons . and lastly , i shall distinguish the gods from the men. the gods are usually express'd by the name of machines , because the poets make use of such to let them down upon the theatre ; from whence the epopéa has likewise borrowed the name . according to this account , this treatise will be divided into six parts or books . the first will be concerning the nature of the epick poem , where we shall treat of the fable . the second book will treat of the matter , or of the epick action . the third of the form , or the narration . the fourth of the manners and characters of humane personages . the fifth of machines , or of the presence and action of the gods. and the sixth of the thoughts and expressions . chap. v. of the poem . a poem is a discourse in verse ; and a verse is a part of a discourse measur'd by a certain number of long and short syllables , with a grateful cadence , that is constantly repeated . this repetition is necessary to distinguish the notion we have of verse , from that of prose . for in prose as well as verse , every period and clause are so many parts of a discourse measured by a certain number of long and short syllables ; but prose is ever and anon altering its cadences and measures , which verse never does . the repetition , which the poets make use of , seems still the same in the way of writing : for , when one verse is finish'd , they come back again to the beginning of another line to write the next verse . and this coming back again , is that which gives it the name of ‖ verse ; and this name in latin is common to verses , and several other things that are rang'd , as they are , in different lines ; as trees , for instance , which are set in rows . the latins call verses likewise by the name of carmina ; but this is an equivocal term : for besides its signifying verses , or poems , it may be used to express other things . 't is a term that is given to the * singing of birds , to the † charms of magick , to certain ‡ forms of law , to ‖ inscriptions or devices , to ** epitaphs , and other such like things . for the making of verses , 't is not enough to take care of the measure and quantity of the syllables , and to place six feet just after one another in the same line ; there must be likewise some grateful cadences , of which there are several rules laid down in treating about caesura's , synalepha's , the length of words , and the like . besides this , there must be some tenses of verbs , some moods , some regiments , some constructions , and some words proper only to verse , and which prose knows nothing of . but above all , there must be in verse the turn , and some ways of speaking that are elevated , bold , and metaphorical ; which are so proper to this kind of writing , that without them the most exact placing of long and short syllables is not so much verse as prose in metre : and , on the contrary , these bold expressions , so proper to verse , when used in a discourse that has not feet nor poetical numbers , do give it such an air of verse , that it is not so properly prose , as a kind of poesie without numbers , and as horace says , disjecti membra poetae . as * nature does not inspire into us the rules of poetry and verse ; so neither does art and study help us to that air , that force , and that elevation , in which horace discovers something that is divine , and which only makes a man deserve the name of poet. this is an accomplishment a man should be born with , owing either to the excellency of his nature , or to some happy transports ; but withall so extraordinary , that the ancients , and † aristotle himself , stile them fits of enthusiasm or frensie : yet still there is to be supposed an exact and solid judgment to master this frensie and imagination of the poet. from what has been said , we may conclude that the end of poetry is to please : that its cause is either the excellency of the poet's nature , or the poetick frensie , and these transports of spirit , that are to be govern'd by judgment . it s matter is the long and short syllables , the numbers it is made up of , and the words which grammar furnishes it with , as well as prose . and its form is the ranging of all these things in such exact and charming verses , as may best express the thoughts of the author after the manner we have been describing . but after all , how confin'd is all this , if we consider the great name of poet in the honour homer and virgil did it , and in all the extent it is capable of ! what we have said about it has nothing of praise-worthy in it , but what ev'ry pitiful translator may pretend to , and what the war of catiline turn'd into verse might bestow upon him , that would transpose the prose of sallust after this manner . 't is with reason then that we distinguish these mean subjects from great poetry , by giving them the name of versification ; and that we make , as it were , two distinct arts of versification and poetry . in a word , there is as much difference between the art of making verses , and that of inventing poems , as there is between grammar and rhetorick . this great art consists chiefly in the fable , in the manner of expressing things by allegories and metaphors , and in the invention of some probable matter ; that is , of some actions , under which the poet very charmingly disguises the truths he would have us learn. this is so proper to the poet , that even in the expression ‡ aristotle recommends nothing so much as the metaphor . which agrees very well with that which we have already said about the nature of poetry . for the fables are so many allegorical disguises , and an allegory is nothing else but a series and chain of metaphors linked together . we shall speak of the fable , and these important matters in the sequel of this treatise . we shall here only make this one reflection ; that the true poems , and such as have more of the essence and nature of great poetry than any other , are the epapcit , the tragedy , and the comedy ; for they are all allegorical and fabulous . nor has * aristotle in his poetry undertaken to treat of any more than these three sorts . if we compare them together , the epopéa will excel the other two by that great liberty it takes of using metaphors and perpetual allusions in the fables . allegorical expressions would be more obscure upon the stage , and would have something that is less probable in the mouth of the actors we hear speak , than in the narration of a poet , who writes purely to be read . comedy must likewise yield to tragedy , because it has little of elevation , and the manner of its actors speaking , is too natural and familiar . this very thing has made some people question whether † comedy were a true poem or no. which difficulty is wholly grounded upon this general notion , that a poem is a discourse in verse . now in the latin comedy , the discourse has nothing in it of verse , but feet and numbers . this indeed is enough for such a poetical subject as comedy is . and we suppose in this we are of horace's opinion , at least he attributes this doubt to a very few persons . but this measure only , without any air to distinguish the discourse from prose , makes no verses : and for this reason has . ‡ horace call'd his satyrs by a prose name ; viz. sermons . his epistles are the same . his odes are of a different air , and these he calls by a poetical name , carmina . the case is not the same with subjects that are not poetical , but writ in verse , and adorn'd with fables and allegories ; as , the georgicks of virgil , lucan's pharsalia , the punick war of silius italicus , and the like . the truth on 't is , these fables and allegories are not sufficient for an epopéa , and its main action , that ought to be a fable ; so that we do not take the georgicks or the pharsalia to be an epopéa ; but yet this should not hinder us from thinking them to be true poems for all that . but if a man writes an epopéa in prose , would it be an epick poem ? no , i think not ; for a poem is a discourse in verse . but yet this would not hinder its being an epopéa ; just as a tragedy in prose is still a tragedy , though it be not a tragick poem . they who have question'd whether the latin comedy were a poem or no , never doubted but it was a comedy . i should have said less upon such trite matters , but that i was asham'd to take no notice at all what a poem or a verse was , being to treat so largely about the epick poem . chap. vi. of the fable . * aristotle says , the fable is the principal part of the poem , and that 't is as it were the very soul of it . therefore we must look for the nature of the epopéa in that of the fable , and consider that as the chief foundation of the poem , as the principle that gives life and motion to all its parts , and sets all its faculties on work . we have indeed begun to define the epopéa by the definition we gave of the fable ; for the fable is a discourse invented to form mens manners by instructions disguis'd under the allegories of one single action . there are several sorts of fables , which one may treat after very different ways . the poet forms his from that which is most excellent in each of these sorts . there are reckon'd three sorts of fables . the first fall under the names of men and gods , and are call'd rational ; the second are only comprised under the names of beasts , and derive their name of moratoe from the humane manners , which are attributed to them ; and the last are a mixture of these two sorts of personages , and are call'd mix'd . the epick fables are rational . nor do i think that the liberty homer has taken of making a horse speak only once in his iliad , ought to make this fable be counted a mix'd one . i should rather reckon this incident among the machines and miracles ; as we read in the roman history it sometimes happen'd , and as we know it did in balaam's ass . besides , 't was such a common thing in those times to make use of these sorts of fables , and to bring in brute beasts , and even trees speaking : and this custom was so generally look'd upon as mark of learning , a genius , and eloquence ; that had homer us'd it oftner , i do not see how any one could blame this fable for any irregularity . but in short , this custom of making beasts speak is so little relish'd by these last ages , that even homer's example would not make it excusable in any of our modern writers . however 't is , this inconsiderable incident , which does not hinder but the epick fable may be reckon'd among the rational ones , will not hinder it from being plac'd among the probable ones ; though this qualification be not at all necessary for the fable in general . in fine , the action of a fable may be serious , great , and important , or familiar , low , and vulgar . it may be either perfect or defective ; writ in verse or prose ; swell'd to a large discourse , or express'd in a few words ; recited by the author , or represented by the persons who are the sole actors in it . and all these different ways make no alteration in the essence , and in the nature of the fable . excepting the representation , which the epick poet leaves the stage to be master of , he takes always the most excellent , and the most noble method . so that the epick action is grave , important , compleat , and rehearsed in a long train of verses . one may add to this , that there are some fables which consist less in action than in speaking ; as that fable , for instance , which ridicules the foolish vanity of those men , who attribute all the glory of an event to themselves , for the producing of which they contributed nothing but their own unprofitable presence . the fable represents them under the allegory of a fly , which lighting upon a chariot , and seeing her self in the midst of a cloud of dust , which the chariot-wheels and the horse-feet raised in the air , cries out ; o gemini ! what a dust do i make ? the epick is not of this sort of fables , but of those which imitate an action . these then are the differences which specifie the epick fable , and distinguish it from all others . it is rational and probable ; it imitates an action that is compleat and important ; it is long and rehears'd in verse ; but neither of these properties change its nature , nor make it less a fable , than those which are publish'd in aesop's name . so much for the sorts and differences of the epick fable , now for its parts . * aristotle says , that the fable is a composition of several things . and in truth two things do compose it , which are as it were its two essential parts . the one is truth , which serves as a foundation to it ; and the other is fiction , which allegorically disguises this truth , and gives it the form of a fable . the truth lies conceal'd ; and is that piece of morality the poet would teach us . the romans made use of this very expression , when they said to † teach fables and tragedies , instead of saying to act and represent them . the fiction is the action or the words , whereby these instruction are veil'd . in the instance we just now propos'd , the truth is this , that it is ridiculous to brag of any thing we have no hand in : and the fiction is that pleasant thought of a fly riding upon a chariot , and crying , bless me ! what a dust do i make ? the truth lies under no difficulty here , since the moral instruction ought always to be true . but suppose the imitated action be taken out of history , would this pass for a fiction ? the difficulty is the same , if it be taken from a fable that is already known , since after this manner , the poet would at little invent and feign it , as if he had found it in history : and yet if the author feigns nothing , we may well dispute with him the name of poet. to this we answer , that the poet ought to feign one general action ; then he should look for the names of some persons ( to whom a parallel action has either truly or probably happen'd ) in history , or some well-known fables : and lastly , he ought to place his action under these names . thus it will be really feign'd and invented by the author , and yet will seem to be taken out of some very ancient history and fable . this we shall explain by what follows : we will begin to do so by the instance of a fable compos'd after this method . chap. vii . the method of composing a fable . the first thing we are to begin with for composing a fable , is to chuse the instruction , and the point of morality , which is to serve as its foundation , according to the design and end we propose to our selves . i would , for instance , exhort two brothers , or any other persons , who hold an estate in common , to agree well together , the better to preserve it : and this is the end of the fable , and the first thing i thought on . for this purpose i endeavour to imprint upon their minds this maxim ; that a misunderstanding between friends is the ruin of families , and of all sorts of societies . this maxim which i make choice of , is the point of morality , and the truth which serves as a foundation to the fable i would compose . in the next place this moral truth must be reduc'd into action , and a general action must be feign'd in imitation of the true and singular actions of those who have been ruin'd by a misunderstanding that has happen'd among them . i say then , that several persons were engaged together to look after an estate , which they hold in common . they fall out with one another , and this difference leaves them defenceless to the will of an enemy who ruins them . this is the first platform of a fable . the action , which this recital presents us with , has four qualifications : it is vniversal , it is imitated , it is feign'd , and it contains allegorically , a moral truth . this model then comprehends the two essential parts which compose the fable , viz. the truth and the fiction . all this is common to all sorts of fables . the names that are given to the personages do first specifie a fable . aesop gives them the names of beasts . once upon a time ( says he ) two dogs were set to keep a flock of sheep , they fight with one another , and leave the sheep without defence to the mercy of the wolf , that commits what ravage he pleases among them . these names are the meanest of any . the action is still general , and the fiction is altogether apparent . we may disguise the fiction , render the action more singular , and make it a rational fable by the names of men invented at pleasure . pridamant and orontes , two brothers by a second marriage , were left very rich by their father's last will and testament . they could not agree in sharing their estates , and were so obstinately bent one against the other , that to provide for their common interest against clitander ( their elder brother by a former marriage ) was the very least of their care . he very dextrously foments their quarrel , and keeps them from minding the design he has upon them , by pretending he expected nothing but a small gratuity by the accommodations , which he daily proposes , but never urges home to them . in the mean time he gains upon the judges , and all others , who were intrusted with this affair ; he procures the will to be cancell'd , and becomes master of all that estate he pretended he would have gratified his brothers with , though to his own prejudice . this fable is a rational and probable fable ; but because the names are feign'd as well as the things , and the action is only particular , and the families ordinary , it is neither an epick nor tragick fable ; and can only be manag'd in comedy . for * aristotle informs us , that comick poets invent both the names and the things . in order to make this an alamode comick fable , some girl or another should have been promised to clitander ; but the will should have put the father upon altering his design , and he should have oblig'd her to have married one of these two rich coxcombs , for whom she had not the least fancy . and here the comical part might have been carried on very regularly even as the poet pleas'd . but to return . the fiction might be so disguis'd under the truth of history , that those who are ignorant of the poet's art would believe that he had made no fiction . but the better to carry on this disguise , search must be made in history for the names of some persons to whom this feign'd action might either probably or really have happen'd ; and then must the action be rehears'd under these known names , with such circumstances as alter nothing of the essence either of the fable or the moral : as in the following example . in the war king philip the fair had with the flemings in the year , he sent out his army under the command of robert earl of artois his general , and ralph of nesle his constable . when they were in the plain of courtray in sight of the enemy , the constable says , 't was so easie to starve them , that it would be advisable not to hazard the lives of so many brave men against such vile and despicable fellows . the earl very haughtily rejects this advice , charging him with cowardice and treachery . we will see , replies the constable in a rage , which of us has the most loyalty and bravery : and with that away he rides directly towards the enemy , drawing all the french cavalry after him . this precipitation , and the dust they rais'd , hinder'd them from discovering a large and deep river , beyond which the flemings were posted . the french were miserably cast away in the torrent . at this loss the infantry were so startled , that they suffer'd themselves to be cut in pieces by the enemy . 't is by this means that the fiction may have some agreement with the truth it self , and the precepts of the art do not contradict one another , though they order us to begin by feigning an action , and then advise us to draw it from history . as for the fiction and fable , it signifies little whether the persons are dogs , or oronics and pridamont , or robert d'artois and the earl of nesle , or lastly achilles and agamemnon . 't is time we should now propose it in its just extent under the two last names in the iliad . it is too narrow for an epopéa under the former names . chap. viii . of the fable of the iliad . the fable of the iliad , at the bottom , is nothing else but that which i just now propos'd . i will treat of it here at large , because i cannot give you a greater light into this doctrine , than by the practice of homer . 't is the most exact model of the epopéa , and the most useful abridgment of all the precepts of this art ; since in truth , aristotle himself has extracted them out of the works of this great poet. in every thing which a man undertakes with design , the end he proposes to himself is always the first thing which occurs in his mind , and upon which he grounds the whole work , and all its parts . thus , since the epick poem was invented to form the manners of men , 't is by this first view the poet ought to begin . the school-men treat of vertues and vices in general . the instructions they give are proper for all sorts of people , and for all ages . but the poet has a nearer regard to his own country , and the necessities he sees his own nation lie under . 't is upon this account that he makes choice of some piece of morality , the most proper and fittest he can imagine : and in order to press this home , he makes less use of reasoning , than of the force of insinuation ; accommodating himself to the particular customs and inclinations of his audience , and to those which in the general ought to be commended in them . let us now see how homer has acquitted himself in all these respects . he saw the grecians , for whom he design'd his poem , were divided into as many states as they had capital cities . each was a body politick , and had its form of government independent from all the rest . and yet these distinct states were very often oblig'd to unite together in one body against their common enemies . and here we have two very different sorts of government , such as cannot be very well comprehended in one body of morality , and in one single poem . the poet then has made two distinct fables of them . the one is for all greece united into one body , but compos'd of parts independent on one another , as they in truth were : and the other is for each particular state , consider'd as they were in time of peace , without the former circumstances , and the necessity of being united . as for the first sort of government observable in the union or rather in the assembling of many independent states : experience has always made it appear , that there is nothing like a due subordination , and a right understanding between persons to make the designs that are form'd and carried on by several generals to prosper . and on the other hand , an universal misunderstanding , the ambition of a general , and the under-officers refusing to submit , have always been the infallible and inevitable bane of these confederacies . all sorts of states , and in particular the grecians , have dearly experienc'd this truth . so that the most useful and the most necessary instructions that could be given them , was , to lay before their eyes the loss which both the people and the princes themselves suffer'd by the ambition and discord of these last . homer then has taken for the foundation of his fable this great truth ; viz. that a misunderstanding between princes is the ruin of their own states . i sing ( says he ) the anger of achilles , so pernicious to the grecians , and the cause of so many heroes deaths , occasion'd by the discord and parting of agamemnon and this prince . but that this truth may be compleatly and fully known , there is need of a second to back it . for it may be question'd , whether the ill consequences which succeed a quarrel were caused by that quarrel ; and whether a right understanding does re-adjust those affairs which discord has put out of order : that is to say , these assembled states must be represented first as labouring under a misunderstanding , and the ill consequences thereof ; and then as united and victorious . let us now see how he has dispos'd of these things in one general action . several princes , independant on one another , were united against a common enemy . he , whom they had elected their general , offers an affront to the most valiant of all the confederates . this offended prince was so far provok'd , that he withdrew himself , and obstinately refused to fight for the common cause . this misunderstanding gives the enemy so much advantage , that the confederates are very near quitting their design very dishonourably . he himself who is withdrawn is not exempt from sharing in the misfortunes he brought upon his allies . for having permitted his intimate friend to succour them in a great necessity , this friend is kill'd by the enemies general . thus being both made wiser at their own cost , are reconcil'd . and then this valiant prince gets the victory , and revenges his own wrongs by killing with his own hands him who had been the death of his friend . this is the first platform of the poem , and the fiction , which reduces into one important and universal action , all the particulars upon which it turns . in the next place it must be render'd probable by the circumstances of times , places , and persons ; that is to say , if we would come up to the precepts of our masters , we must seek for some persons already known by history , or other ways , by whom we may with probability represent the personages of this fable . homer has made choice of the siege of troy , and feign'd that this action happen'd there . he has given the name of achilles to a valiant and angry phantom ; that of agamemnon to his general , that of hector to the enemies commander , and others to the rest , as is to be seen in his poem . besides , he was oblig'd to accommodate himself to the manners , customs , and genius of the greeks his auditors , the better to make them attend to the instruction of his poem , and to gain their approbation by praising them , as far as the faults he must of necessity make his personages fall into , would admit . he admirably discharges all the duties , by making these brave princes , and those victorious people , to be grecians , and the fathers of those he had a mind to commend . but in that length and extent which is given to these fables , if we would not stuff up the rest with useless ornaments and foreign incidents , we must do something else besides proposing the principal point of morality that is made use of . we must extend this moral by its necessary consequences : as for instance , in the subject before us , 't is not enough to know , that a good understanding ought always to be maintain'd among confederates : 't is likewise very material to know , that if there happens any division , great care is to be taken , that it be kept from the enemies knowledge , that so they being ignorant of this advantage , may not venture to make use of it . in the second place , when this concord is but counterfeit , and only in appearance , one should never press the enemy too closely , nor oblige them to make use of all their forces : for this would discover the weakness that ought to be concealed from them . the episode of patroclus does even to admiration furnish us with these two instructions . for when he appear'd in the arms of achilles , the trojans , who took him for achilles himself , now reconciled and re-united to the confederates , gave ground , and quitted the advantages they had over the greeks . but patroclus , who should have been contented with this success , presses upon hector too boldly , and by obliging him to fight , discovers that it was not the true achilles that was clad in his armour , but a much more feeble hero. so that hector kills him , and re-gains the advantages which the trojans had lost upon the conceit that achilles was reconcil'd . 't is by such sort of fictions that this great poet has fill'd his poem with instructions so excellent for their design , and whereby he has merited those praises which aristotle , horace , and all the ancients have bestow'd upon him . chap. ix . a comparison of the fable of the iliad , with that of aesop . the better to make it appear that an epopéa is a true fable ; and that this term we give it is not metaphorical or figurative , but proper and natural ; and that the sense is the same , as when we give the name of fables to the fictions of aesop : i shall here draw a parallel between the fable of the iliad , and that of aesop , which i have already mention'd . first then i say , that the moral truth and instruction is apparently the same in both . aesop and homer would have us learn , that a misunderstanding between those of the same party , exposes them to the insults of their enemies , and their own ruin : and that concord preserves and renders them victorious . the fiction is likewise the same . both have feign'd a confederacy of several persons together , for the maintenance and defence of their interest against the common enemy . again , both have feign'd some disturbance that happen'd at first in this union ; and that those who quarrell'd met with an equal share of misfortune . lastly , both have restor'd to the party of these united persons , the concord and victory which was the consequence of their re-union . there 's nothing remains now but to give names to those feign'd persons . as for the nature of the fable , it matters little whether the names of beasts or of men be made use of . homer has made choice of these last ; and has given the quality of kings to his personages . he has call'd them achilles , agamemnon , hector , patroclus , and has expressed by the name of grecians , that interest which the confederates were obliged to maintain . aesop in his way , has given the names of beasts to all his personages : the dogs are the confederates , the wolf is their enemy , and he has called the sheep , what the poet has term'd the grecians . one says , that whilst the * confederate kings quarrell'd , hector their enemy makes havock of the poor grecians , who pay dearly for the folly of their princes ; and when the allies , mov'd with their loss , were reunited , they put hector to flight and kill him . the other says the very same , that whilst the dogs did bite and tear one another , the wolf broke in upon the sheep : and when the dogs , seeing the ravage of this enemy , were good friends again , they made him fly for it , and killed him . the fable of homer is a rational one , and that of aesop is not . but this is no reason why one is more or less a fable than the other . † horace calls the iliad a fable , tho' the names are human ; just as the stories of aesop are call'd fables under the names of dogs , lyons , jupiter , the frogs , and the like . homer has stretch'd out his fable by long harangues , by descriptions , by similitudes , and by particular actions : in like manner , might one amplify that of aesop without spoiling it . one need only relate what provok'd these dogs to quarrel , and to describe the rise of their anger with all its circumstances : to make fine descriptions of the plain where the sheep were feeding , and of some neighbouring forest , which serv'd the wolf for a shelter and retreat : to give this enemy some little cubs to breed up , to make them follow their sire in the quest of their prey , and to describe the booty they take at several times one should not likewise omit the genealogy of these heroes . the wolf should boast of his descent from lycaon ; and one of the dogs should have issu'd in a direct line from the great celestial dog , and the canicula . this should be the hero of the poem , for he would be very hot and cholerick . he would do well to represent the personage of achilles ; and the folly of a certain ajax his kinsman , would be a handsom proof of this nobility , and of an origin so divine as that is . there is no need of any thing farther to engage heaven in this quarrel , and to divide the gods into parties . for the gods have as much to do in the republick of aesop , as in the states of homer ; witness jupiter , who was so far concern'd as to appoint kings over the common-wealth of the frogs . and here we have matter enough to give this subject a very large extent , provided we have expressions to answer it , and take care to insert as often * as homer has : 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . for this fine epithet for a dog , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , a fleet-runner , ought by no means to be omitted . in short , homer does likewise resemble aesop , in that he as well as the other had a great mind to make the beasts speak in the person of xanthus the horse of achilles . we conclude then , that the name of fable which is given to the fable of the iliad , and that of aesop , is neither equivocal nor analogous , but synonymous and equally proper ; that all the qualities which make any difference between them , do by no means affect either the foundation , the nature , or the essence of the fable , but only constitute the different sorts of it ; and lastly , that if a fable be rational , probable , serious , important , mix'd with divinities , amplified and rehears'd in verse , it will be an epick poem : if it has not these conditions , it will be another kind of fable . chap. x. the fable of the odyssëis . the odyssëis was not design'd as the iliad , to instruct all the states of greece join'd and confederated in one body , but for each state in particular . a state is compos'd of two parts ; the head which commands is the first , and the members which obey make up the other . there are instructions requisite for the governour , and some likewise necessary for the subjects : for him to rule well , and for them to be rul'd by him . there are two vertues necessary to one in authority ; prudence to order , and care to put in execution the orders he has given . the prudence of a politician is not acquir'd but by a long experience in all sorts of business , and by an acquaintance with all the different forms of governments and states . the care of the execution suffers not him that has order'd it , to rely upon others , but it requires his own presence ; and kings who are absent from their states are in danger of losing them , and give way to great disorders . these two points might be easily united in one and the same man. * a king absent from his kingdom visits the courts of several princes , where he learns the customs of different nations . from hence there naturally arises a vast number of incidents , of dangers , and of passages , that are very useful for a political instruction : and on the other side , this absence gives way to the disorders which happen in his own kingdom , and which end not till his return , whose sole presence can re-establish all things . thus the absence of a king is the same , and has the same effect in this fable , as the division had in the former . the subjects have scarce any need but of one general maxim , which is to suffer themselves to be govern'd by , and to obey faithfully some reason or other which seems to them contrary to the orders they have received . it were easie to join this to what we have already said , by bestowing on this wise and industrious prince such subjects , as in his absence would obey , not the orders they receiv'd , but what appear'd to them more reasonable : and by demonstrating from the misfortunes this disobedience draws upon them , the evil consequences which almost infallibly attend these particular conducts , which are distinct from the general notion of him who ought to govern. but as 't is necessary that the princes in the * iliad should be cholerick and quarrelsome : † so 't is necessary in the fable of the odysseis that the chief personage should be . sage , and prudent . this raises a difficulty in the fiction ; because this personage ought to be absent for the two reasons aforemention'd , which are essential to the fable ; and which constitute the principal part thereof : but he cannot be absent from his own home without offending against another maxim of equal importance ; viz. that a king should never leave his own country . it is true , there are sometimes such necessities as sufficiently excuse the prudence of a politician : but such a necessity is a thing important enough to supply matter for another poem , and this multiplication of the action would have been vicious . to prevent this , first this necessity and the departure of the hero must be disjoin'd from the poem : and in the second place , the hero having been oblig'd to absent himself for a reason antecedent to the action , and distinct from the fable ; he ought not to embrace this opportunity of instructing himself , and so absent himself voluntarily from his own government . for at this rate , his absence would have been still voluntary , and one might with reason lay to his charge , the disorders which might have happen'd thereon . thus in the constitution of the fable , the poet ought not to take for his action , and for the foundation of his poem , the departure of a prince from his own country , nor his voluntary stay in any other place ; but his return , and this return hinder'd against his will. this is the first idea the poet gives us of it . * his hero appears at first in a desolate island , sitting upon the side of the sea , which with tears in his eyes he looks upon as the obstacle , that had hinder's him so long from returning home , and visiting his own dear country . and lastly , since this forc'd delay has something in it that is most natural and usual to such as make voyages by sea : homer has judiciously made choice of a prince whose kingdom was in an island . we see then how he has feign'd all this action , allowing his hero a great many years , because he stood in need of so many to instruct himself in prudence and policy . a prince had been oblig'd to forsake his native country , and to head an army of his subjects in a foreign expedition . having gloriously perform'd this enterprize , he was for marching home again , and thither would have conducted his subjects . but spite of all the attempts , which his eagerness to return home again put him upon , there are tempests which stop him by the way for several years together , and cast him upon several countries very different from one another as to their manners and government . in the dangers he was in , his companions , not always following his orders , perish'd through their own fault . the grandees of his country do very strangely abuse his absence , and raise no small disorders at home . they consume his estate , conspire to make away with his son , would constrain his queen to chose one of them for her husband , and indulge themselves in all these violences so much the more , because they were perswaded he would never return . but at last he returns , and discovering himself to his son and some others , who had continu'd loyal to him , he is an eye-witness of the insolence of his enemies , punishes them according to their deserts , and restores to his island that tranquility and repose , which they had been strangers to during his absence . as the truth , which serves as a foundation to this fiction , and which with it makes the fable , is , that the absence of a person from his own home , or who has not an eye to what is done there , is the cause of great disorders : so the principal action , and the most essential one , is the absence of the hero. this fills almost all the poem : for not only this bodily absence lasted several years , but even when the hero return'd , he does not discover himself ; and this prudent disguise , from whence he reap'd so much advantage , has the same effect upon the authors of the disorders , and all others who knew him not , as his real absence had ; so that he is absent as to them , till the very moment he punish'd them . after the poet had thus compos'd his fable , and join'd the fiction to the truth , he then makes choice of vlysses , the king of the isle of ithaca , to maintain the character of his chief personage , and bestow'd the rest upon telemachus , penelope , antinous , and others , whom he calls by what names he pleases . i shall not here insist upon the many excellent advices , which are as so many parts , and natural consequences of the fundamental truth ; and which the poet very dexterously lays down in those fictions , which are the episodes and members of the entire action , such for instance are these advices : not to intrude ones self into the mysteries of government , which the prince keeps secret to himself , this is represented to us by the winds shut up in a bull-hide , which the miserable companions of vlysses must needs be so foolish as to pry into : not to suffer ones self to be lead away by the seeming charms of an idle and lazy life , to which the * sirens songs invite men : not to suffer ones self to be sensualiz'd by pleasures , like those who were chang'd into brutes by circe : and a great many other points of morality necessary for all sorts of people . this poem is more useful to the vulgar , than the iliad is , where the subjects suffer rather by the ill conduct of their princes , than through their own fault . but in the odysseïs , 't is not the fault of vlysses that is the ruin of his subjects . this wise prince did all he could to make them sharers in the benefit of his return . thus the poet in the iliad says , he sings the anger of achilles , which had caus'd the death of so many grecians ; and on the contrary , in the ‡ odysseïs he tells his readers , that the subjects perish'd through their own fault . notwithstanding it is to be confess'd , that these great names of kings , hero's , achilles , agamemnon , and vlysses , do no less denote the meanest burghers , than they do the caesars , the pompeys , and the alexanders of the age. the commonalty are as subject as the grandees , to lose their estates , and ruin their families by anger and divisions , by negligence and want of taking care of their business . they stand in as much need of homer's lessons , as kings ; they are as capable of profiting thereby ; and 't is as well for the small as the great , that the morality of the schools , that of the fable , and that of the chair deliver those truths we have been just speaking of . chap. xi . of the fable of the aeneid . in the fable of the aeneid we are not to expect that simplicity , which aristotle esteem'd so divine in homer . but tho' the fortune of the roman empire envied the poet this glory , yet the vast extent of the matter it furnishes him with , starts up such difficulties as require more spirit and conduct , and has put us upon saying that there is something in the aeneid more noble than in the iliad these very difficulties we are to solve , and they call upon us for our utmost care and attention . there was a great deal of difference between the greeks and the romans . these last were under no obligation , as were the former , either of living in separated and independent states ; or of frequent confederating together against the common enemy . if in this respect , we would compare our two poets together , virgil had but one poem to make , and this ought to be more like the odysseïs than the iliad , since the roman state was govern'd by only one prince . but ( without mentioning the inconveniences the latin poet might meet with in forming a fable upon the same foundation , which the greek had laid before him ) the roman state furnish'd him with matter different enough to help him to avoid treading in the footsteps of him that went before him , and to preserve to him the glory of a primary invention . homer in the odysseïs spoke only for states already establish'd , and the roman empire was but of a new date . it was the change of a commonwealth ( to which caesar's subjects had been always extreamly biggoted ) into a monarchy , which till then they could never endure . thus , the instructions , which the poet ought to give both to prince and people , were quite different from those homer left his countrymen . he ought to instruct augustus as the founder of a great empire , and to inspire into him as well as his successors , the same spirit and conduct which had rais'd this empire to such a grandeur . a very expert roman , and a great politician ( no less than * cicero himself ) informs us , that good humour and humanity was so far essential to this state , that it was predominant even in the very midst of war ; and that nothing but an absolute necessity could put a stop to its good effects . and he adds , that when this conduct was lost , and this genius , which gave life to the state , was gone , there was nothing left but bare walls , and what in propriety of speech might be term'd a dead carcase . in short , he shews the advantages which a mild and moderate government has over a cruel and severe conduct , which inspires men with nothing but a slavish fear . this then is the instruction virgil would give the roman emperors , who began in the person of augustus to be settled upon the throne . this instruction has two parts , as each of homer's had . the first comprehends the misfortunes which attend a tyrannical and violent reign : and the second the happiness , which is the consequence of a mild government . homer has plac'd both the parts of each fable in one and the same person , achilles at first is at variance with the confederates , and afterwards is reconcil'd to them : vlysses is absent from home , and at last returns thither : and in all this there is nothing of difficulty . but virgil could not represent in one and the same person , a hero , who by his violence and impiety was the ruin of his country ; and who afterwards by his piety and justice , restor'd it to its former glory . this inequality of manners and conduct would have been intolerable , and especially in that brevity , which the recital of an epick poem requires ; besides , such a sudden change is never to be rely'd on ; men would think it hypocritical , and fear a very quick return of the old tyranny . the poet then is oblig'd to make use of two different personages , to maintain the two parts of his exemplary instruction . besides , several weighty reasons did indispensibly oblige him to put humanity and good-nature in the manners of his hero , and to make piety his predominant quality , and the very soul of all his vertues . one of these great reasons is the desire and necessity he lay under of pleasing his chief auditor , who alone was more considerable than all the rest . augustus caesar did nothing to settle himself upon the throne , but what his piety put him upon undertaking ; or at least he had a mind the world should think so . this is the judgment which the most prudent past upon him , even after he was dead , when he was no longer the subject of mens flatteries , or their fear . this * cornelius tacitus informs us of . the reasons why the poet spoke thus of the new establishment , were owing to the subjects of augustus , who made up the other part of the audience ; and the second object of his morality . he was oblig'd to make them lay aside the old antipathy they had to monarchy , to convince them of the justice , and the legal prerogative of augustus , to divert them from so much desiring to oppose his designs , and to raise in them a love and veneration for this prince . religion has always had a most powerful influence over the minds of the vulgar . the first roman kings , and the new emperors , made use thereof , by joyning the sacerdotal to the regal office. the poet likewise us'd his utmost care in searching for all the advantages he could derive from thence , by making it the chief foundation of his whole design . he makes it appear , that the great revolutions , which happen in states , are brought about by the appointment and will of god : that those who oppose them are impious , and have been punish'd according to their demerits , for heaven never fails to protect the heroes it makes choice of , to carry on and execute its great designs . this maxim serves for the foundation of the aeneid ; and is that first part of the fable which we call the truth . besides , the poet was oblig'd to represent his hero free from all manner of violence , and elected king by brave and generous people , who thought it an honour to obey him , tho' they might lawfully have been their own soveraigns , and have chosen what form of government they pleas'd . in short it was requisite that the justice of his cause , like that of augustus , should have been grounded upon the rights of war. in a word , the hero should have been like augustus , a new monarch , the founder of an empire , a lawgiver , a pontifex , and a great commander . the necessity of reducing all these things into one body , and under the allegories of a single action , makes it appear how great a difference there is between the designs of homer , and that of virgil : and that if the latin poet did imitate the greek , yet the applicaaion of it is so remote and difficult , that it should never make his poem pass for a new copy , nor rob him of the glory of the invention . let us see then the collection which virgil has made of all these matters ; and the general fiction , which together with the truths it disguises , makes up the fable and life of the poem . the gods preserve a prince amidst the ruin of a mighty state , and make choice of him to be the maintainer of their religion , and the establisher of a more great and glorious empire than the first . this very hero is likewise elected king by the general consent of those , who had escap'd the universal wrack of that kingdom . he conducts them through territories from whence his ancestors came , and by the way instructed himself in all that was necessary for a king , a priest , and the founder of a monarchy . he arrives and likewise finds in this new country , the gods and men dispos'd to entertain him , and to allow him subjects and territories . but a neighbouring prince , blinded by ambition and jealousie , could not see the justice and the orders of heaven , but opposes his establishment , and is assisted by the valour of a king , whose cruelty and impiety had divested him of his states . this opposition , and the war this pious stranger was * forc'd to , renders his establishment more just by the right of conquest , and more glorious by the overcoming and cutting off of his enemies . the model being thus fram'd , there was nothing wanting but to look into history , or into some authentick fables , for hero's whose names he might borrow , and whom he might engage to represent his personages . the obligation he lay under of accommodating himself to the manners and religion of his country , invited him to look after them in the roman history . but what action could he take thence , which might furnish him with a revolution and establishment of government , that was proper to his purpose ? brutus had expelled the kings , and placed the people in that which they then called their liberty : but this name was odious and prejudicial to augustus ; and this action was quite opposite to the design which the poet had of confirming the re-establishment of monarchy . romulus first founded rome , but he laid the walls thereof in his brother's blood ; and his first action was the murder of his uncle amulius , for which none could ever find a satisfactory excuse : and then , it was very difficult to suppose these heroes to have taken voyages . besides , these two establishments were made before the destruction of the states which preceded them , and were the cause of their ruin . the kingdom of alba flourish'd during the reign of the two first roman kings , but was erased by the third : and monarchy was extirpated by brutus , and his successors in the consul-ship . it was of dangerous consequence , to instil this notion into the subjects of augustus , and to put the people upon thinking , that this prince had ruined the commonwealth , and banished their liberty . the truth of history furnished him with a thought more favourable to his design ; since in reality cicero and tacitus do both inform us , that before this prince made the least shew of what he was about to do , there was no commonwealth in being . all the vigour of the empire was spent , the laws were invalid , the romans were nothing else but the dregs of a state ; and in short , there was nothing left of rome but bare walls , which were not able to last much longer . thus augustus destroyed nothing , he only re-established a tottering state. this is what the † poet is to prove , a great empire ruin'd , of which his hero was in no fault ; and this very empire more gloriously re-established by the virtue , and the good conduct of the hero. in the roman history , virgil did not meet with a prince , who could with any probability keep up the character of his chief personage ; he was obliged to look out for one some where else . homer had this advantage , that the heroes of his fables were greeks , and that his own country was the theatre whereon most of the fabulous actions were transacted : so that he had liberty enough to accommodate himself to the manners and religion of those for whom he wrote . but the genius and skill of the latin poet helped him to that which fortune denied him . he took * horace's advice , and had recourse to a hero of the iliad : and that he might make this stranger conform to the religion of the romans , he has seign'd , that the hero came thither to bring into italy all the ceremonies , and to settle these gods there , which ever since they have observ'd and ador'd . he has very luckily compleated this conformity in ‡ the customs and manners by making the trojans and romans but one people . and he as well as homer has caused that his illustrious heroes should be the fathers of his auditors ; but with this advantage , that he himself makes the application of it to his readers , with an equal measure of wit and applause . aeneas is his chief personage , turnus is aeneas's rival , and in mezentius one may observe the cruelty of a tyrant , who is at enmity with both gods and men. to conclude : the arrival of aeneas into italy , was not invented by the poet , but handed down by tradition . † cicero , who wrote before virgil , speaks thereof in his speech against verres upon the account of the city of segesta . its inhabitants gave out that 't was built by aeneas , when in his voyage to italy , he staid for some time on the coast of sicily . chap. xii . horace ' s thoughts of the epick fable . 't is time now to join aristotle and horace to homer and virgil , and to see whether the thoughts and precepts of our two masters about the nature of the epick fable agree with the practice of our two poets . we will begin with horace . as for the word fable there is no difficulty in it ; he gives it to the * dramatick , he gives it to the epick poem , and in plain terms calls the † ilida a fable . the business is to know what he means by this word , and what in his opinion the epick fable is . if it be granted that this kind of fable is of the same nature with those of aesop , as we just now observed : then we cannot say that an epopéa is the panegyrick of a hero ; of whom is rehearsed some illustrious action or other ; nor that the epick fable is only the disposition of the different parts of that action , and of the several fictions with which 't is garnished . three things may clear up this difficulty : the first is the choice and imposition of the names , which are given to the personages of the fable : the second is the design which the poet has of teaching morality under an allegory : and the third is the virtue and excellency of the chief personage . the first is most decisive : for if the action be feigned , and the fable prepared before the poet has so much as thought of the name he is to give to his chief personage ; without doubt he does not undertake the elogy of any particular man. but we do not find that horace has concerned himself in the business of imposing names : therefore we refer this to the following chapter , where we shall enquire into the opinion of aristotle . the point about morality is expresly in horace . this critick is entirely for the way i proposed . he says * that homer lays down admirable instructions for the conduct of humane life , and herein prefers the iliad and the odyssei's to the writings of the most excellent philosophers . this is self-evident , and having said as much already , we wave saying any more about it : the reader may consult his epistle to lollius . but what signifies it ( may some one say ) if homer had a mind to lay down instructions of morality ? this does not himder , but he might have made choice of a hero whom he might have praised , and this elogy rightly managed might be a fable . he was willing then to praise achilles and vlysses as xenophon did his cyrus . is not this plainly the design of virgil ? and if homer was less successful , ought we not to pardon the imperfection of these first ages , which did not furnish him with those great ideas of vertue , and those perfect heroes which after-ages did produce ? the hero of virgil is indeed a true hero in morality as well as poetry ; and represents to kings a compleat model of all the vertues which conspire to make a great prince . this might have given that idea of the epick fable , which we are now examining . for the aeneid is better read and understood than the iliad . and men are easily perswaded , that the design of these less known pieces is the same with that which they are so well acquainted with . besides , this judgment is backed by that noble idea men commonly conceive of the valour of achilles , and of the consummated prudence of vlysses . these are almost the two only things which the generality of the world are acquainted with in the greek poems : which may have induced them to believe that the fables of homer are the panegyricks of achilles and ulysses . but if horace , of whom we now speak , had been of this mind ; and if he had believed that the design of an epick poem , should be to establish the merit of a hero , and to propose him to others as a model of perfection ; it necessarily follows , that either this great critick was not well acquainted with considerable defects in the heroes of homer , or else that he did not think homer was a good pattern to imitate . yet we see he knew the one , and believed the other . he knew no vertue in achilles , nor any action that deserved praise . on the contrary , he says , that in all the iliad , both in the grecians † camp , and in the city of troy , there was nothing to be seen but sedition , treachery , villainy , lust , and passion : and he never commends achilles , neither for his valour , nor for his killing hector , nor for any thing else he did against the trojans . yet 't is evident what an esteem he has for homer ; and that he carped at no faults of his but * peccadilloes . he would have every one , that has a mind to be a poet , † have homer before him night and day : and he proposes the achilles of homer with all the vices , and all the defects he imputes to him , as a great exemplar for others to follow . ‡ he would have him be cholerick , inexorable , one who knows nothing of justice , but has all his reason at his sword 's point . 't is true , to these qualities he has joined vigilancy and zeal to carry on an enterprize . but these qualities being in their own nature indifferent , have nothing that is good , but in persons duly accomplished as was scipio . in wicked persons they are pernicious vices , as in catiline , who made no other use of them but to oppress his country . 't is then in this last sence that horace ascribes them to achilles , since he would have him be represented , as unjust and passionate . in † vlysses he did discover an example of vertue : but since , in truth , he does equally commend homer , for giving us in his two poems an example of vertue , and an example of vice , should we not conclude , that the good or bad qualities of the chief personages , are not at all necessary nor essential to the epick fable ; and that horace never thought the epopéa was an elogy of an hero ? that which the iliad and the odyssei's have in common , is , that each of them is a moral instruction disguised under the allegories of an action . this is what horace discovers in them ; and by consequence each of them , in the opinion of this critick , is a fable , and such a one as we described it . chap. xiii . aristotle's thoughts of the epick fable . what we have said concerning the fable , is still more manifest , in the method and order which aristotle prescribes for the preparation of the ground-work of an epick action . he does not bid us to search at first in history for some great action , and some heroical person : but on the contrary , * he bids us to make a general action which has nothing in it particular ; to impose names on the persons after this first fiction , and afterwards to form the episodes . for the better conceiving of his mind , we must take notice what he means by a general , what by a particular action . † there is this difference ( says he ) between a poet and an historian , that the one writes barely matter of fact , [ the other lays down things just as they ought to have been . for this reason , poetry is more serious and more philosophical than history ; because poetry tells us of general things , and history rehearses singular things . a general thing , is that which either probably or necessarily ought to have been said or done ; and is that to which the poet ought to have a special regard , when he imposes the names on his personages . a singular thing is that which alcibiades , for instance , has either done or suffered . the poetical action then is neither singular nor historical , but general and allegorical : 't is not what alcibiades has done , but 't is in general what any one else ought to have done upon the like occasion . 't is a material point to take notice , that a thing must be done after one way or other , for its being either absolutely good , or for its being only probable , no matter whether it be good or bad . xenophon has feigned the actions of his cyrus in the first way ; and so have all the poets , who in imitation of him have undertaken to describe the actions of a great prince panegyrically . on the other hand , the hecuba of seneca should not have made such fine reflections upon the destruction of troy , and the death of priam. not but these reflections in themselves are very just and useful ; but only 't is not probable , that a woman lying under such a weight of afflictions , should have such thoughts , as were only becoming the tranquility of a great philosopher , who had no manner of interest in the history of these ancient times . 't is in this last sence , that aristotle orders poets to feign their actions such , as they either probably or necessarily ought to have been . if there still remains any doubt what he means by this expression , 't is very easie to give an entire solution of it . one need only consider the instance of an action that is just , and feigned regularly by the greatest of all the poets : 't is that of the iliad . without doubt he knew that the action of achilles , made choice of by homer , * is the anger of this hero , so pernicious to the greeks , and not to the trojans . we will not so much as suppose , that this great philosopher ever thought , that the extravagancies of a man , who sacrifices his friends and his country to his own revenge , was an action any ways commendable , vertuous , or worthy the imitation of princes . certainly it had been more for the honour of homer's country , if he had sung of the war and the taking of troy. and yet , † aristotle does not only not blame him for forgoing such a glorious subject , and making choice of a more defective theme : but he says that herein he has done something that is divine . he is then perfectly of the same mind with horace , who would have achilles represented as cholerick , passionate , and unjust ; just as homer has made him . but that wherein aristotle is more instructive than horace , is his method of giving names to the personages , that are introduced in a poem . for how could one prepare the ground-work of a particular action of some illustrious hero , that is not feigned ; when one does not so much as know whether the hero be achilles , aeneas , vlysses , diomedes , or any other ? and yet this is what aristotle orders in the composition of the epick fable , when he says , that one should not give names to personages till after the action is invented . one should indeed do that just before the forming of the episodes : for if those , whose names we borrow , have done any known actions ; the best way is to make use of them , and accommodate these real circumstances to the ground-work of the fable , and to the design of the poet ; to fill the episodes with them ; and to draw from them all the advantages possible according to the rules of art. this management renders the feign'd action more probable , and may likewise make it look like true history . besides , aristotle had said , that the poet in giving particular names to persons , which at first he made general , * should take special care to make his fiction probable . this precept is capable of another meaning , which does not at all contradict what has been said , but rather confirms the doctrine which i proposed : 't is this , viz. that when you have feigned an action , if it be mild and moderate , you must not represent the chief personage thereof under the name of achilles , tydeus , medea , or any other whose passionate tempers are well known . in this doctrine , we shall with aristotle meet with three sorts of actions which the poets make use of . in the first , the things and the names of the persons are singular and true , and not feigned or invented by the poet. the ‡ satyrists make use of this sort . in the second , both the things and the names are feigned and invented by the poet ; and this is the practice of comedians . we have laid down an instance thereof in the fable we made use of under the names of orontes , pridamant , and clitander . in the third sort , the things are invented , but the names are not . they are noted either by history , or by some tradition or other . this is manifest in the fable we proposed under the names of robert earl of artois , and ralph count of nesle . we might say the same of the iliad , the odysseïs , and the aeneid . this sort of action is proper for tragedy , and the epopéa . nor need we feign instances to prove these things , or seek for them in greece and old italy ; since we have enough of them nearer home , in the satyrs , the comedies , and the tragedies , which are daily to be seen in the world. this doctrine of aristotle is so important , that it deserves to be consulted in the original . after he had informed us that the poetical action is not singular , but general and universal ; and after he had explained what he means by these terms , as we observed at the beginning of this chapter , he then goes on after this manner : † this in comedy is very manifest . for after the poet has prepared his fable , upon what is probable , he then gives his actors what names he pleases : and he does not as the satyrists , who speak only of particular things . but in tragedy they make use of names ready made to their hands . this makes us more readily believe the thing to be possible ; for things that have never yet been done , we are not obliged to think possible : but what has been already done , is without all dispute possible ; since it would never have been done , had it been impossible . yet in some tragedies , there is but one or two known names , and all the rest are feigned . nay , in some others there is not one known name , as in the tragedy of agathon , call'd the flower , where all the names , as well as things , are feigned and invented . and yet it came off with applause . in favour of our subject 't is , that we cite what aristotle says in this passage , concerning the tragick fable . nor is this a wresting of the text , since this great master lays it down as his first * precept in the epopéa , that we ought to prepare the fable thereof as for tragedy . 't is to be observ'd , that to make the thing probable , and to perswade men of its possibility , from its having been done already , aristotle orders us to put the fable not under a known action , but only under known names . this makes good what we before alledged , viz. † that the poet should think of making his action probable , when he gives names to the actors . this is the practice of those who make histories of their own inventions . the better to perswade the world of the truth of what they say , they name the places and the persons ; and the more these names are known , the more credit they meet with . homer has acquitted himself so very handsomely in this matter , that the art he had of feigning the best of any man in the world , is one of the commendations he deserved from the mouth of * aristotle himself . we conclude then that homer in his practice , and aristotle in his precepts , are exactly of the same mind ; that homer had no other design but to form the manners of his country-men , by proposing to them , as horace says , what was profitable or unprofitable , what was honourable or dishonourable : but that he did not undertake to rehearse any particular action of achilles or vlysses . he made his fable , and laid the design of his poems , without so much as thinking on these princes ; and afterwards , he did them the honour to bestow their names on the heroes he had feign'd . in other histories of the trojan war we do not indeed read of this quarrel between achilles and agamemnon , which homer has taken for the subject-matter of his iliad : and what is no less considerable is , that this very design and action which the poet has form'd under the name of achilles at the siege of troy , might with the same probability have went under the name of tydeus , capaneus , or any other at the siege of thebes . one might have made adrastus the general , and given him some occasion of exasperating the cholerick nature of capaneus . he , by withdrawing into his tent only for a few days , might have given the thebans some advantages over his party . afterwards one might have made this furious person return to his duty : and then fighting with the rest , he might have gain'd the victory to his own side , and reveng'd in one single day , the affront and loss they had suffer'd the three or four days before : and this is all we contend for in the iliad . the same might be said of vlysses . all the adventures we read of him in the odysseïs , might with altogether as much probability have been rehears'd under the name of any other prince returning from an expedition . for the better proof of which , we need only cast an eye upon the platform which aristotle himself has left us thereof : and 't is as follows . * a man is absent from his own home for several years . neptune persecutes him , destroys all his retinue , and only he himself escapes . in the mean time his family is in disorder , his estate is made away with by his wives suitors , and his son is plotted against . but at last , after many storms at sea , he returns home , discovers himself to his friends , conceals himself from others , sets all things to rights again , and puts his enemies to death . this ( concludes aristotle ) is all that is proper , the episodes make up the rest . this , in my mind , gives us absolutely such an idea of a fable as i proposed : and in this model vlysses seems to have as little to do as any other . but after the model is pitch'd upon , the action invented , and the names given , then if those whose names are borrow's have done any known actions , the poet ought to make use of them , and to accommodate these true circumstances to his own design . with these he must fill his episodes , and from these he should draw all the advantages possible , according to the rules of art. thus aristotle gives no orders for making the episodes till the names are pitch'd upon . he therefore transgresses the precepts of aristotle , and the practice of homer , and spoils the essence of the epick fable in particular , as well as of other fables in general , who begins by looking for his hero in some history or other , and undertakes to rehearse a particular action this hero has done , as we see in silius italicus , lucan , statius , and in the authors of the adventures of hercules and theseus , which aristotle takes notice of . they did not make any general or universal platform without names , but made it altogether singular . for how could any one write like silius , without thinking on the particular action and name of hannibal ? call him as much as you will , in your platform , a cortain man , yet still this certain man is determinately hannibal . you are so far from taking away his name , that after you have once nam'd him , you afterwards use a pronoun or some other word which signifies him , instead of the term hannibal , which you are loth to repeat . thus aristotle does not order the names to be taken away ( which can never be done ) but he only orders to feign an action without names , to make it at first universal , as he instances in the odysseïs and iphigenia . chap. xiv . of the real actions , the recitals whereof are fables . there is a great deal of difference between fiction and a down-right lye ; and between a thing 's being probable , and its being no more than probable . the poet is order'd to feign , but no body desires him to tell lyes . he is told , that he is oblig'd to probability , and not to truth ; but no one says , that the probability he is oblig'd to by his art is incompatible with the truth . the truth of an action does not give him the name of poet , nor does it rob him of it : and , as aristotle says , † an author is as much a poet , though the incidents he relates did really happen : because whatsoever has been done , is capable of all the probability , and all the possibility , which the art requires , and of being such as ought to be feign'd . this makes so little an alteration in the nature of things , that even the author of a fable is not always satisfied with making a bare narration of the action he feigns , but sometimes sets it off with all the truth 't is capable of . anciently this was very common ; and i might produce the whole history of the old ‡ testament , all the historical truths whereof were so many fables , or parables divinely invented , which represent allegorically to us the doctrine and the truths which the author of them has since discover'd to us . but without concerning our selves with sacred things , we know what a father did to perswade his children to unity . he might have only told them , that a man very eager of breaking all the arrows in his quiver , striv'd to snap them all in pieces at once ; but after many fruitless tryals , he was forc'd to part them , and then breaks them one after another without the least trouble . he might have related a thing that was false , and only probable . but he did something more : he put a bundle of rods , tied close together , into the hands of each of his children , and bid them see if they could break them : they used their utmost endeavour , but to little purpose . then he gave them the rods one by one , and the weakest of these young creatures broke them easily . the truth of this matter of fact does not at all destroy the nature of the fable . sertorius made use of the same artifice to his soldiers . he order'd the tails of a couple of horses to be pull'd off before them . at last came a weak old fellow , and did it with ease , pulling off the hairs one after another ; whilst a lusty fellow had harass'd himself to no purpose , because he took up too many hairs at a time . when a recital is made of this true action , one tells as exact a fable , as when one mentions the fable of the iliad , that of aesop's dogs , or any other of that author , wherein is neither truth nor probability . 't is true this action of sertorius was feign'd before it was true , and this general did begin to form his fable by the moral , which is , ( as i said ) the common way of forming fables . but here i add , that the true action may precede the fable . the example of engravers and statuaries will make us easily conceive how this revers'd order , so contrary to the rules of art , may notwithstanding be applied thereto without destroying them . art teaches the engraver to form his design first , to fansie the postures , and the proportions he would give his personages ; and afterwards to look out for materials that are proper to receive that which he has imagin'd . if notwithstanding he lights upon some choice material , such as agat , for instance , whose figure , colours , and veins , cannot be suited to all that he has a mind it should ; he then regulates his design and fancy according to his matter . but yet he is not of the opinion , that these lucky hits and particular accidents condemn the justness of his art , or make this a standing rule for him to go by , viz. that he must begin to look out for materials , and then form his design according to what the disposition of his materials may suggest to his fancy . in this then , as in a great many other things , * poetry is like painting . the poet is frequently oblig'd to suit himself to the dispositions of his matter : which is found to be true , especially in the composition of the episodes , which are made after the general personages are singulariz'd by the imposition of the names . it may likewise so happen that some person in history may furnish an author with fine fancies , and as exact a moral as that which homer teaches . and in this case , the poet does not at all transgress his art , though he should apply all his moral to the action . but notwithstanding this rare and lucky hit , the common rules lose nothing of their exactness or authority . we still maintain , that the epick poem is a fable ; that is , not the rehearsal of the action of some one hero , in order to form mens manners by his example ; but , on the contrary , a discourse invented to form the manners by the recital of a feign'd action , and describ'd at pleasure under the borrow'd name of some illustrious person or other , that is made choice of , after the platform of the action , that is ascrib'd to him , is laid . chap. xv. of the feign'd actions , the recitals whereof are historical . as there are true actions , the recitals whereof are exact and regular fables ; so on the other hand , there are feign'd actions , the recitals whereof are historical . nothing is to be esteem'd fabulous in them , but a downright falshood , and that has as little to do with the fable , as the truth of history . the reason of this is , that the most essential part of the fable , and that which must indispensibly serve for its foundation , is the truth signified . 't is easie to explain our selves by those very examples we have already made use of ; we need only cut off some necessary circumstances of them in order to illustrate the doctrine we would add here . if the dogs that were set to keep the sheep , and whose falling out gave the wolf an opportunity of seizing upon some of them ; if they , i say , follow the wolf before they end their quarrel ; and if upon overtaking him , they are as fierce against one another , as against their common enemy : in this case , though the wolf quit his prey , fly for it , or though he die of the wounds they give him ; yet this fiction will no longer signifie , that concord re-establishes what discord destroys ; since the calamity would have been ended , though the discord still continued . in like manner , if achilles being provok'd at the death of patroclus , had set upon and kill'd hector without being reconcil'd to agamemnon ; the omission of this incident , would have spoil'd the fable . we add farther , that if achilles had been less inexorable , and had submitted to the offers of agamemnon before the death of patroclus ; and if this quarrel had not cost him the life of his friend , the fable would have been spoil'd : for since the quarrel would have been only prejudicial to agamemnon , this example would have shew'd us , in the person of achilles , that one might quarrel , and be at variance , without losing any thing : which is quite contrary to the moral of the poet. we should deprive the odysseïs of its very soul , and spoil its fable ; should we retrench from it the disorders which the suitors of penelope rais'd in the isle of ithaca , during the absence of vlysses : because this poem would no longer inform us of the mischievous effects which the absence of a commander , a king , or a father of a family , does produce . lastly , take away from the aeneid , the choice which the gods made of aeneas for the re-establishing of the empire ; his divine arms ; the care jupiter took to engage mezentius in the quarrel , where he was to be punish'd for his impieties ; and the terrors with which this god affrights turnus : and the aeneid will no longer inform the romans in favour of augustus , that the founders of empires , such as this prince was , were the chosen of heaven , that divine providence protects them from all manner of violence , and severely punishes the impious , who oppose their designs . all these recitals want their emphasis , and that instruction , which is the most essential part of the fable . when a poet goes this way to work , he does not make such epick poems as aristotle and horace prescribes rules for , nor such as homer and virgil has left us such exact patterns of . it is not much matter whether these recitals are of true things , such as those of lucan , and silius italicus ; or whether they are feign'd and drawn from fables , such as those of statius in his two poems . he relates a fiction , they history : but all three write more like historians than epick poets . 't is true , they have all a mixture of divinities and machines , which carry a fabulous and poetical air in them : but since these very additions are likewise in true fables , they will never make these recitals to be of the nature of an epopéa ; because these fables consist only in the additions and decorations of the action . now the epick fable is none of all this ; 't is on the contrary the soul of a poem , and the ground-work upon which all the rest is built . and this ground-work is to be prepar'd before one so much as think of the decorations , which make no part of the essence of the fable . the being adorn'd and loaded with animate things , will never make an animal , but there must be a soul added to it : and though all the earth were cover'd and embellish'd with an infinite number of trees , and pierc'd very deep with their roots , yet it will never pass for a tree it self . chap. xvi . of the vicious multiplication of fables . aristotle bestows large commendations on homer for the simplicity of his design , because he has included in one single part all that happen'd in the trojan war. and to him he opposes the ignorance of certain poets , who imagin'd that the vnity of the fable , or of the action , was well enough preserv'd by the vnity of the hero , and who compos'd their theseid's , heraclid's , and such like poems , in each of which they heap'd up every thing that happen'd to their principal personage . the instances of these defects which aristotle blames , and would have us avoid , are very instructive . these poems are lost to us : but statius has something very like it . his achilleid is a model of all the adventures which the poets have feign'd under the name of achilles * . o goddess ( says this poet ) sing of the magnanimous son of aeacus , that has made jove himself tremble , and was deny'd admittance into heaven , from whence he deduc'd his origin . homer has render'd his actions very famous ; but he has omitted a great many more than he has mention'd : for my part , i will not omit any thing . 't is this hero at his full length which i describe . here is a noble design , and aristotle falls short of what he proposes . all this cannot be consider'd , but as an historical recital , and without the least glimpse of a fable . nor can i represent the idea i have of this design better , than by comparing it with the fables of aesop . i have already compar'd the iliad with one of these fables : and sure i may take the same liberty in a poem that is less regular ; and make a comparison between the achilleid which comprehends several actions under one and the same name , and several fables which likewise go under one name . homer and virgil diverted themselves with their poems of the gnat , and of the battel between the frogs and the mice : nor shall i stoop lower , when , upon the like occasion , i shall enlarge my self as far as the design of statius , and the necessity of this doctrine require me . let us suppose then and author , who is as well vers'd in the fables of aesop , as statius was in the epick fable ; and who has read the batrachomyomachia , as well as statius has the iliad . he shall have discover'd in this battel between the mice and the frogs , the great commendations which homer bestows on the valour of one of the heroes in this fable , upon meridarpax for instance ; whose bravery made jove and all the gods wonder no less , than that of capaneus in the thebaid . and as statius has read of several actions of achilles , which are not in the iliad ; this author likewise shall have read of many adventures attributed to the mouse , which are not in the batrachomyomachia of homer . he shall know what passed between the city-mouse and the country-mouse ; in order to teach us , that a little estate enjoy'd quietly is better than a copious one , that exposes us to continual fears . he shall know that a lion having spared the lise of a mouse , was afterwards saved by this very mouse , who gnaw'd assunder the toils in which he was caught ; whereby he might inform us , that the good offices we do to the most infirm and ignoble , are not always lost . he shall know the story of the mountains , which after great groans , and much ado , were deliver'd of a mouse ; like those who promise much , but perform little . he shall have read in the battel between the cats and the mice , that the mice being defeated and put to flight , those amongst 'em , who had put horns upon their heads as a distinguishing note of their being the commanders , could not get into their holes again , and so were all cut off : because in the like disorders , the chief leaders , and men of note , do commonly pay sawce for all . and upon these discoveries , when he has conceiv'd the idea of a piece more surprizing than the batrachomyomachia , or than any other particular fable of aesop , he shall undertake a poem of all the fables of the mouse : as statius undertook one about every thing that story or the poets ever said of achilles . he might begin after the same manner , as statius did his achilleid : inspire me , o my muse , what i ought to say concerning the magnanimous meridarpax , which jove himself cannot look upon without trembling . homer indeed has celebrated some of his actions in his poem ; but there are a great many still untouch'd ; and i am resolved to omit nothing that my hero has done . he , as well as achilles , had a mortal for his sire , to wit , the redoubted artepibulus , and a mother far above his rank and quality , no less than a lofty mountain . his birth is foretold by the oracles , and the people hocking together from all parts to be witnesses of this miraculous labour , beheld meridarpax creep out of his mothers belly , with so much surprize and delight , that their joyful shouts and loud laughter carried the news thereof to the gods. in the war his associates maintain'd against the amazonians of the lakes , he signaliz'd himself in the death of physignathus . he would have utterly destroy'd all his enemies , had not the gods put a stop to his designs . to refresh himself after the fatigues of this war , he was for taking the air in some country-seat or other . but by the way he is surprized by a furious lion , who is just ready to tear him to pieces : but meridarpax was no less eloquent than stout . the lion admir'd his parts , and let him go . he was welcom'd in the country by an old friend of his sire's . this villager thought of making him a delicate repast with his country-fare : but these old , dry , and unsavoury morsels would not down with our nice stranger . whereupon bepitying the sorry life of his friend , he invites him to a more pleasant one , and prevail'd upon him to jog along with him . they were scarce got half-way to their journey 's end , but they heard a most terrible noise . meridarpax perceiv'd 't was the lion's roar which before had spar'd his life . he made that way , and in short found him so fetter'd in the noose , that he expected nothing else but death : the mouse freed him from that fear , by gnawing asunder several knots ; and put the prisoner in a capacity of freeing himself from the rest . meridarpax re-joyns his country-friend , conducts him to town , and receives him very splendidly in a pantry well furnish'd . this new citizen was blessing himself at his happy change ; when on the sudden in steps the housekeeper , and at her heels one of the most formidable enemies these two guests had . the domestick betook himself presently to his cittadel : but the poor stranger , seiz'd with fear , and every limb about him in an ague , sees himself a long time expos'd to the claws of a merciless enemy . in short he escap'd ; and without minding the good cheer , as soon as the danger was over , and he came to himself , he takes his congé of his host , and tells him , that he preferr'd his quiet poverty to all that plenty which was so attended with frights and fears . meridarpax stomachs this affront , calls together a great many of his allies , and prevails so effectually upon them , that they enter into a confederacy with him , and offer to serve him in the war. he , the better to maintain his grandeur , and make himself more conspicuous than all the rest , claps two great horns on his forehead . at the first opening of the pantry he had a great deal of success against some of the young rangers , who first came in . but no sooner had their squeaking call'd in their sires and their dams , and the wawling of a great many others at a distance , gave notice of a new reinforcement , that was ready to pour in upon the assailants , but they presently thought of a speedy retreat . the rest with ease slunk into their holes , and none left upon the spot but meridarpax embarass'd with the ensigns of his grandeur , which made the avenues too strait for him to escape at . one of his party bid him lay aside his regalities , but he had scarce time to reply , that he had rather die like a king , and make his exit gloriously . a poem made up of these stories joyn'd together , and which we might compare with one of the fables of aesop or the batrachomyomachia , is very much like the idea i have of the theseid , the heraclid , the achilleid , and other such like poems , when compar'd with those of virgil and homer . aristotle was in the right , when he call'd a certain little iliad the whole trojan war squeez'd into the compass of one single poem . this iliad indeed was very small , since it was all contain'd in a very narrow compass . it was not at all like the iliad of homer , a small part of which fill'd so many books . we may say as much of the achilles of statius , who is comprehended at his full length within the compass of twelve books . and the achilles of homer is so vast , that a few days of his anger and passion have taken up four and twenty books compleatly . according to the old * adage it must needs follow , that this lion of homer was of a prodigious size , since so large a table could contain no more than one single paw , which had been the destruction of so many heroes . and on the other side , that the lion of statius was but of a very small size , since all his parts could be comprehended and included in a table less by half than that of homer's . you see then the ill effects of polymythia , or a vicious multiplication of fables . the fable of the dogs and the wolf demonstrates how beautiful and regular the iliad is ; and the narration of the adventures of the mouse shews the contrary in the achilleid . if my two parallels are of equal justness , the difference that appears to be between the achilles of homer and that of statius ought to be attributed to nothing else but the different conduct of these two authors . there is still another way of irregularly multiplying fables . without making a rehearsal of the hero 's whole life : and that is , by mixing with the main action other foreign actions , which have no manner of relation thereto . this belongs to the vnity of the action , and the art of making the episodes : of which we shall speak in the next book . the poem of ovid's metamorphoses is of another kind . if ( as i have already laid down the idea i conceiv'd of the achilleid of statius , of the heraclid , of the theseid , and of other such like pieces of the ancient poets ) i had a mind likewise to present the world with an example of aesop's fables compar'd with ovid's metamorphoses ; i should be forced to put all the fables of aesop into one body : because ovid is not contented to rehearse all that ever happen'd either to achilles , or to hercules , or to theseus , or to any other single personage ; but he makes a recital of all that ever happen'd to all the persons of the poetical fables . this recital is by no means an epick poem , but a collection of all the fables that were ever writ in verse , with as much connexion and union , as the compiler of so many incidents could devise . and yet i do not see how any one can condemn this design , and tax its author with ignorance : provided none pretend that he design'd to make an epopéa , nor compare it to the poems of homer and virgil , as statius has done his achilleid and thebaid . chap. xvii . of the regular multiplication of fables . altho' we have been speaking so much against the multiplication of fables , yet one cannot absolutely condemn it . our poets have got several fables in each of their poems , and horuce commends homer for it . nay aristotle himself forbids it in such a flight way , as might be easily evaded . * he finds fault with those poets who were for reducing the vnity of the fable into the vnity of the hero ; because one man may have perform'd several adventures , which 't is impossible to reduce under any one and simple head . this reducing of all things to vnity and simplicity is what † horace likewise makes his first rule . according to these rules then , it will be allowable to make use of several fables ; or ( to speak more correctly ) of several incidents which may be divided into several fables ; provided they are so order'd , that the vnity of the fable be not spoil'd thereby . this liberty is still greater in the epick poem , because 't is of a larger extent than ordinary poems , and ought to be entire and compleat . i will explain my self more distinctly by the practice of our poets . no doubt but one might make four distinct fables out of these four following instructions . . division between those of the same party exposes them to the fury of their enemies . . conceal your weakness , and you will be dreaded as much , as if you had none of these imperfections , which they know nothing of . . when your strength is only feign'd , and founded only in the opinion of others ; never venture so far , as if your strength was real . . the more you agree together , the less hurt will your enemies do you . 't is plain , i say , that each of these particular maxims , might serve for the ground-work of a fiction , and one might make four distinct fables out of them . may not a man therefore put all these into one single epopéa ? no : our masters forbid that , unless he could make one single fable out of them all . but they do not at all forbid it , if the poet has so much skill as to unite all into one body , as members and parts , each of which taken asunder would be imperfect ; and if he joins them so , as that this conjunction shall be no hinderance at all to the vnity and the regular simplicity of the fable . this is what homer has done with such success in the composition of the iliad . . the division between achilles and his allies tended to the ruin of their designs . . patroclus comes to their relief in the armour of this hero , and hector retreats . . but this young man pushing the advantage , which his disguise gave him , too far , ventures to engage with hector himself ; but not being master of achilles ' s strength ( whom be only represented in outward appearance ) he is killed , and by this means leaves the grecian affairs in the same disorder , which he in that disguise came to free them from . . achilles provoked at the death of his friend , is reconciled , and revenges his loss by the death of hector . these various incidents being thus vnited together , do not make different actions and fables , but are only the uncompleat , and unfinished parts of one and the same action and fable , which alone can only be said to be compleat and entire : and all these maxims of the moral , are easily reduc'd into these two parts , which in my opinion cannot be separated without enervating the force of both . the two parts are these , * that a right understanding is the preservation , and discord the destruction of states . tho' then our poets have made use of two parts in their poems , each of which might have serv'd for a fable , as we have observ'd : yet this multiplication cannot be call'd a vicious and irregular polymythia , contrary to the necessary vnity and simplicity of the fable ; but it gives the fable another qualification , altogether as necessary and as regular , namely its perfection and finishing stroke . there are fable ; which naturally contain in them a great many parts , each of which might make an exact fable : and there are likewise actions of the very same nature . the subject matter of the odysseïs is of this kind ; for homer being willing to instruct a prince and his subjects , could not do it without multiplying instructions ; and this prince's travels into countries quite different from each other are likewise different actions . this multiplication of instructions and incidents is extremely approv'd of by horace . he commends the † adventures of antiphates , polypheme , charybdis , circe , the sirens and others , stiling them the miracles of the odysseïs . one might likewise multiply the fable another way , by mixing with it some other fable which should not be a part of the principal one , but only a species of it . this might be done by applying to some point that is chiefly specified the moral instruction , which the action contains in general . homer has left us an example of this in the fable of vulcan , at the end of his first book of the iliad . the general instruction is , that discord is a prejudice of the affairs of them who quarrel : and this story of vulcan applies it , to the injury which the falling out of parents do their children . jupiter and juno quarrel , their son vulcan is for perswading his mother to submit to her lord and husband , because he was most powerful . you know ( says he ) what befell me for endeavouring once to protect you from the rage of jupiter . he took me by the heels , and threw me headlong from his battlements , and i carry the marks of it still about me . this fable is quite distinct from the body of the main action ; for the quarrel between jupiter and juno , which cost vulcan so dear , had nothing to do with the grecian affairs : 't is likewise compris'd in five lines . chap. xviii . the conclusion of the first book . the vnity of the fable , and the regular or vicious multiplication that may be made thereof , depends in a great measure upon the vnity of the action , and upon the episodes ; so we we shall speak more thereof in another place : but in this and many other points , the examen of our authors , and those particular instructions one might descend to for an exact understanding of this doctrine , would never be at end . and tho i should fill several volumes with what i have to say about it , yet i should still leave enough to employ the imagination , the genius , and the judgment of both criticks and poets , which art without nature never brings to perfection . nor are we to fansie that nature alone , and the advantages of a happy genius , can make us capable of passing a judgment upon the ancient poets ; unless art and study acquaint us with the tast and the manners of their auditors , and of the times they liv'd in . the relish which all antiquity , both sacred and profane , greek and barbarian , had for fables , parables , and allegories ( which are one and the same in this place ) gave the ancient poets a great deal more liberty than the moderns have ; and make things in homer pass for beauties , which would look but ill in a piece of modern poetry . this likewise exposes our ancient poet to such censures , as bewray our ignorance oftner than his faults . the * custom of that time was to conceal their mysteries from vulgar view , and not to explain their allegories . men of learning made it a particular study to discover these mysterious meanings , and this penetration of thought made a considerable part of their learning . our age , which in other things pretends to so much light and curiosity , is very negligent of these sorts of knowledge , since they no longer agree with our customs . 't is perhaps this very neglect , which conceals from our eyes the greatest beauties of homer , and which instead of his skill , only shews us a very mean and gross outside , which hinders us from judging favourably of his spirit and conduct . however he had reason to make use of this way , and to accommodate himself to the * mode of his age. he knew well enough , that those , who did not penetrate him would admire him as much as others ; because every one was perswaded that what appear'd to the eye of the world , was in effect nothing else but the shell , which contained the profitable and pleasant parts of his work. virgil was a great deal harder put to it , because the romans of his time did not so frequently use fables and allegories . cicero did not treat of philosophy as plato and socrates did , upon whom they father aesop's fables . and s. * jerom takes notice that parables were in greatest vogue in the east . so that when virgil was minded to shroud his instructions and doctrine under allegories , he could not be contented with such a plain outside as homer's was , which gravels those who cannot penetrate it , and who are ignorant that he speaks figuratively . but he has so composed his out-side , and his fictions , that those very persons who can go no farther , may , without seeking for any thing else , be very well satisfied with what they find there . this method is wholly conformable to our way , and very much to our palates . but i fansie , the satisfaction we so easily find in these external fictions alone , does us some prejudice . the more we fix there , the less search do we make into the bottom and truth of things . this makes us perhaps equivocate upon the word fable , which we apply so differently to the epopéa , and to the fictions of aesop . this prepossession of mind does homer a great deal of diskindness ; for we are often willing to find such vertues and good manners there , which are not there , and which we suppose ought regularly to have been there : because we are so little acquainted with his way of teaching morality . from hence it comes to pass that we meet with so great obscurities in the precepts of aristotle and horace , who commend homer so much for that , which we are so little acquainted with , especially if we examine it according to the ideas of perfection , which we generally form to our selves . by this means we shall be subject to great confusions and many contradictions . before ever then we pass a judgment upon these things and upon homer , who is the author and first model of them , 't is requisite we rightly comprehend his allegories , and penetrate into the moral and physical truths of the fable , with which his poems are so full . as little insight as i have in these matters ; yet i fansie , i have said enough to explain what a fable is , and to demonstrate the idea i have of the nature of the epick poem . the end of the first book monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book ii. concerning the subject matter of the epick poem , or concerning the action . chap. i. what the subject matter of the epick poem is . the matter of a poem is the subject which the poet undertakes , proposes and works upon . so that the moral , and the instructions which are the end of the epopéa , are not the matter of it . these things are left by poets in their allegorical and figurative obscurity . they only give us notice in the beginning of their poems , that they sing some action or another : the revenge of achilles , the return of ulysses , and the arrival of aeneas into italy . our masters say just the same thing . * aristotle informs us that the poet imitates an action : and † horace in more express terms tells us , that the actions are the subject matter of the epopéa . but this action is the action of some person : and our authors expresly say as much . * aristotle says that the poets , who imitate , imitate the persons that act. horace says , that the imitated actions are the actions of kings , and generals of an army . and our poets do not propose simply , a revenge , a return , or an establishment : but they say further , that 't is † achilles , who is reveng'd ; ‡ vlysses , who returns ; and a aeneas , that goes to be establish'd . therefore , both the actions and the personages are the subiect matter of the epopéa . but suppose we should consider them apart , and ask whether the action or the persons , is the chief and principal matter of the poem : it is plain by what has been said in the former book , that the action is not made for the hero , since that ought to be feign'd and invented independently from him , and before the poet thought of using his name ; and , that on the other hand , the hero is only design'd for the action : and that the names of achilles , vlysses , and aeneas are only borrow'd to represent the personages which the poet feign'd in general . the nature of the fable will not admit us to doubt hereof ; since all the actions that are there rehears'd under the names of a dog , a wolf , a lyon , a man , and the like , are not design'd to inform us of the nature of these animals to which they are applied ; or to tell us of some adventure that happen'd to them : for the author of a fable does not mind any such thing . these personages on the contrary are only design'd to sustain the action he has invented . it is therefore true in this sense , that the * action alone is the subject matter of the epopêa , or at least , that 't is a great deal more so than the persons ; since that in its own nature is so , and the persons are only so by virtue of the action . so likewise have those been condemn'd , who have taken the heroes for the subject matter of their poems . aristotle finds fault with the poets who under the name of the theseid , and the heraclid , have writ the lives of theseus and hercules in verse . statius is likewise to blame in his achilleid , because he does not sing of achilles who did such or such an action , as homer and virgil have done ; but he sings achilles himself , and this achilles at his full length . 't is true virgil in his aeneid , and homer in his odysseïs call their poem by their heroe's name : but this is no more than what is ordinary in fables . thus the titles run , the wolf and the lamb , the lyon and the mouse , &c. and yet no one imagines , that these fables were written to inform us of the nature of these animals , or to tell us what a certain wolf has done or said . the same judgment ought to be made of the epick fables , and the application thereof is easie . this doctrine may easily render us capable of judging what extent is allowable to the matter of a poem ; of what incidents it is compos'd ; and whether 't is lawful to insert such as belong not to the main matter . since then the action is the matter of a fable , it is plain that whatever incidents are necessary to the fable , and make up a part of it , are likewise necessary to the action , and are parts of the epick matter , none of which ought to be omitted : such , for instance , are the quarrel of the dogs ; and that of agamemnon and achilles : the havock which the wolf made among the sheep ; and the slaughter which hector made in the confederate army : the re-union of the dogs with each other ; and that of the grecian princes : and lastly , the re-settlement and victory which was consequent to this re-union in each of these fables . thus all things being adjusted , you see the fable , and the whole action , with which the poem ought to conclude . if less had been said about it , it had not been enough . but can an author put nothing into his poem , but what is purely the matter of it ? or has he not the liberty of inserting what he pleases , and of talking to it , as * horace expresses himself , some pieces of rich and gay stuff , that have nothing to do with the ground-work ? this is another vicious extreme , into which we shall never fall , if we follow the dictates of right reason , the practice of good poets , and the rules of the best masters . they permit us on the one hand to insert some incident or another , that is necessary to clear up a part of the action altho this incident make up no part of the fable nor the action ; and tho of it self it be not the subject matter of the epopéa : and on the other hand they do not approve of the recital of an incident that has not one of these two conditions , viz. such a one as is neither the matter of the epopéa , nor necessary to illustrate any part of the action . examples and authority will justifie this doctrine , and make it more intelligible . if in the fable we mention'd , aesop had related that the wolf ranging one day in the forest prick'd his foot with a thorn , of which after a great deal of pain he was at last cur'd ; doubtless he would have quite spoil'd his fable : and homer too had spoil'd his , if he had made an ample narration of some adventure that had happen'd to hector , which had no manner of dependance on his design . they would have been more considerably to blame , had they inserted any incident , which had not happen'd to these chief personages , but which they only saw or heard . on the other side aesop had said something to the purpose , if , to amplifie his fable , he had related that the woolf was wounded in the foot , and being not quite cur'd , the pain or the weakness of that part hinder'd his running , and expos'd him a prey to the dogs . so homer has very regularly related , that vlysses had formerly been wounded in the leg , as he was hunting on the top of parnassus : for this wound serv'd to discover this hero , and this discovery is part of the action , and of the matter of the poem . an historian , that undertakes to write of one single action , as the war of catiline , or the reign of a king , as salust has done that of jugurtha ; has not for his subject matter the wars and actions which went before , or happen'd after . yet he may mention some , which may serve as instances in the deliberations ; or for the maintaining of some interests ; or upon any other occasion that is necessary to his main subject . a poet has the same privileges , and the same reasons on his side : our two have practis'd accordingly , and have the approbation of aristotle himself . for he does not blame homer for making the recital we mention'd ; and yet he says that the wound of vlysses is not the matter of the poem to which it is apply'd . his words are these . * when homer compos'd his odysseïs , he did not make all the adventures of ulysses the matter of his poem ; such as the wound be receiv'd upon parnassus , and the folly he feign'd before the grecians : because , thô one of these two things happen'd , yet it cannot be said that the other ought necessarily , or probably to have happen'd as the consequence of the former . this passage of aristotle teaches us two things . the first is , that every thing we meet with in an epick poem is not the matter of it ; since this wound of vlysses , which aristotle , says is not the matter of the odysseïs , is not withstanding very largely described there . the second is , that the foreign incidents , that are inserted in the poem , should be so united and joyn'd to some other incident , which is really the subject matter of the poem , that one might swear if one happen'd , the other must necessarily , or in all probability have happen'd as a consequence of the former . the † poet has observ'd this himself in the wound of vlysses . the discovery thereof is a consequence so probable , that this hero finding he was forc'd to let his nurse wash his feet , chose to let her do it in a dark place , that so at least she might be kept from the sight of it . the birth and education of camilla is an incident made use of after the very same way in the aeneid : it is not the subject matter of the poem , but 't is necessary to clear up so surprizing a miracle as was the valour of that excellent virago . when an adventure has not this consequence , nor this necessary or probable connexion with some part or another of the matter proper to the poem ; 't is by no means to be inserted : and upon this account homer has not said one word of the counterfeit folly of vlysses . statius with a great deal more reason should never have meddled with the story of hypsipyle . all the particular incidents which compose the action are called episodes . we ought then to be well acquainted with the nature , vnion , and qualities of them , if we would know what is the action and the subject matter of the epick poem . chap. ii. episodes consider'd in their original . the better to know what an episode is , and to comprehend what aristotle has said about it , we must look back for it in its first beginning , and in the rise of tragedy , whereby it first began . i speak of it here thô monsieur hedelin has formerly writ about it . tragedy at first was only a song in honor of bacchus , which was performed by several persons ( who made up the musical chorus ) with dancing and playing upon instruments . since this was too tedious , and might fatigue the singers , as well as disgust the audience ; they thought of dividing the song of the chorus into several parts , and of making some kind of narrations between these intervals . at first one single person spoke them : then they brought in two speakers , because dialogues are more diverting : and at last they increas'd the number to three , to give way for more action . those who made these narrations upon the scene or stage were call'd actors . and what they said being adventitious to the song of the chorus , these narrations were no more than ornaments added to a ceremony , of which they were not a necessary part : and for this reason were they call'd episodes . besides , as they were only added to refresh the chorus , and their assistants ; it follows that the chorus had sung before , and were to sing after them : so that these episodes were always to be plac'd between the two songs of the chorus . whatever was said before the first , or after the last song , was not look'd upon as an episode : but these new additions were made for reasons distinct from those which were urg'd for introducing that . the design of them was , either to welcome the company , and prepare them for what was to be acted ; and this was call'd the prologue : or else to thank and take leave of them ; which was call'd the exode or epilogue . all this made up the four parts of quantity , as * aristotle terms it : viz. the prologue , the episode , the exode , and the chorus . the prologue is all that precedes the first enorance of the chorus ; the episode is all that is between the songs of the chorus ; the exode is that which is said after the chorus has done singing ; the chorus was the company of those who sang the praises of bacchus : and at first that was the only tragedy in being . as this narration of the actors was inserted in several places , and made at several times : so one might consider it entire , as one single episode compos'd of several parts ; and one might likewise call each part an episode . in this last sense a tragedy had several episodes ; and in the first it had but only one . these different episodes of one and the same tragedy might be deduc'd from as many different subjects : or be all taken from the same subject , that was divided into as many recitals or incidents as the poet had a mind to allow intervals for the chorus to take breath in . if we consider the first institution of these foreign pieces , there was not the least necessity of deducing all of them from one and the same subject . three or four recitals of different actions , that had no relation to one another , could refresh the singers well enough , and keep the audience from languishing , as much as if they had all been only different parts of one and the same action , very closely connected together . but these foreign beauties soon took off from the lustre of those others which so charitably gave them entertainment : and that which at first was only an addition to tragedy , afterwards became the principal part of it . then , they were consider'd as a body , whose members should not be heterogeneous , and independant on one another . the best poets made use of them thus , and they deduc'd their episodes only from one single action . this was so far establish'd in aristotle's time , that he made a standing rule of it , he says , that the most defective tragedies are such , whose episodes have no manner of connexion . he calls them episodical , that is to say , overcharg'd with episodes : because these lesser episodes cannot make one single one , but of necessity remain in a vicious multiplicity . actions , that were most simple , and had least of intrigue , were most of all liable to this irregularity , because having fewer incidents , and fewer parts than others , they afford so much the less matter . a poet of no great conduct , very often quite spends himself at the first or second coming on of his actors between the songs of the chorus : and then he finds himself oblig'd to seek out for other actions to fill up the intervals behind . our first french poets did so . they took to fill up each act just as many different actions of a hero , which had no manner of connexion , save that they were done by one single person . these fables are episodical , and such as aristotle has condemn'd , as we hinted before . his censure is in these words : * of all the fables and simple actions that are , the episodical are the most imperfect . the episodical fable i call such a one , whose episodes have no necessary nor probable connexion . chap. iii. an explication of the foregoing doctrine by an instance . as for what has been said , you may consult what the practice of the poets was , when they compos'd the works we have been speaking of . after the fable was invented , and the names impos'd on the personages , the author was to consider all the circumstances of his action , and what parts were finest and most suitable to the movements of the theatre , and to his own design ; and then he was to make as many parts of his representation , as there were distinct narrations between the songs of the chorus . to give you a famous instance of this , and such an instance as is well known to the whole world , we will make use of seneca's oedipus , without minding the several absurdities that are therein . oedipus begs the gods to tell him the means of putting a stop to the plague that then rag'd at thebes : the oracle returns him this answer , that the death of king laïus his predecessor must be reveng'd . he makes enquiry after the murderers , and finds , that he was not only guilty of this man's death , but besides was the very son of laïus , whom he had murder'd , and of jocasta his widow , whom he had marry'd . he punishes himself severely for it , and by this means restores the health of his country . you see then this famous fable , and in truth the most just , and the best invented , as to the moral , and the theatral part , of any antiquity can boast of . the * grecians , for whom it was compos'd , were extremely pleas'd to see the crimes and the misfortunes of kings : and the moral instruction , that was most in vogue at that time , was such a one as did beget in men an aversion to monarchy , and a love to democracy , which they call'd liberty . what the poets feign'd of oedipus contain'd all these things ; and was very proper to prevent the grandees from aspiring to tyranny , and to inspire others with a resolution never to endure it . this fable being thus conceiv'd has very naturally these five parts . the first comprehends the misfortunes of the people . the second is the enquiry into the cause and the remedy of these misfortunes . the third is the discovery thereof . the fourth is the effect of this discovery , and the performance of what the gods requir'd , namely the punishing those crimes , that had been the cause of the ills which the people suffer'd . and the fifth is the cure and joy that ought to be the consequence of the repentance and punishment of oedipus . but this last part was very improper for the theatre . the calm and languishing passions , of which the spectators upon this occasion were hardly capable , would have enervated and spoil'd the beauty of those violent passions so proper to tragedy , and with which the audience were to be inspir'd . the poet then was not to make an exact episode of this last part . on the other hand , he has divided the second part into two , and has supply'd his five acts in the following method . . the plague rag'd in the city of thebes , and brought so many miseries and dreadful deaths upon them , that king oedipus , touch'd with the misfortune of his subjects , would freely have left the kingdom : but he hopes for some relief from the oracle he has sent to consult , and attends its answer . . creon brings him the answer , and informs him , that the cause of the thebans misfortunes , is the murder committed upon the person of his predecessor king laïus : and that the remedy is the punishing of the murderer . oedipus sets himself upon his duty of punishing the offence : and to discover who this murderer was , whom no body as yet knew , he orders tiresias to be sent for . this priest began by a sacrifice , but that made no discovery of the thing in question . . he then had recourse to more powerful means . he calls up from the shades below the ghost of laïus , who discovers to him that king oedipus is the assassin that ought to be punished ; and moreover , that this prince , who thought himself innocent , was at the same time guilty of incest and parricide . but oedipus , inform'd of this only by creon , and supposing he was born at corinth , son to king polybus and queen meropa , is very confident of his own innocence , and gives no credit to the report creon made him . he is perswaded 't is a falshood invented to out him of the kingdom , to which creon was next heir . . but at last he understands that he did kill laïus , and was his son , and jocasta's , whom he had ignorantly married . . he punishes himself severely , plucks out his own eyes , goes into exile , and so restores health and quietness to his people . chap. iv. of the several sorts of episodes , and what is meant by this term. the word episode passing from the theatre to the epopéa , did not change its nature : all the difference * aristotle makes between them is , that the episodes of tragedy are shortest , and the episodes in these great poems are by much the longest . so slight a difference should be no hinderance to our speaking of both after the same manner . this word , according to aristotle , is capable of three distinct meanings . the first arises from that enumeration of all the parts of tragedy , which we mention'd . for if there are only four parts , viz. the prologue , the chorus , the episode , and the epilogue ; it follows , that the episode in tragedy is whatever does not make up the other three ; and that if you substract those three , the episode necessarily comprehends all that remains . and since in our times they make tragedies without either chorus , prologue , or epilogue ; this term episode signifies all the tragedy which is made now-a-days . so likewise the epick episode will be the whole poem . there is nothing to be substracted thence , but the proposition and the invocation , which are instead of the prologue . in this sense the epopéa and tragedy have each of them but one single episode , or rather , are nothing else but an episode : and if the parts and incidents of which the poet composes his work have an ill connexion together , then the poem will be episodical and defective , as we hinted before . but as all that was sung in tragedy was , according to aristotle's expression , call'd the chorus in the singular number ; and yet its being in the singular was no reason why each part ( when it was divided into several ) should not be call'd the chorus too ; and so several chorus's be introduc'd : just so in the episode , each incident , and each part of the fable and the action , is not only stil'd a part of the episode , but even an entire episode . 't is in this sense that † aristotle said , the madness of orestes , and his cure by expiatory sacrifices , were two episodes . this term taken in this sense signifies each part of the action exprest in the model , and first constitution of the fable ; such as the absence and travels of vlysses the disturbance of his family , and his presence which re-adjusted all things . aristotle tells us of a third sort of episodes , when he says , that whatever is comprehended and exprest in the first platform of the fable is proper , and the other things are episodes . ‡ this is what he says just after he had propos'd the model of the odysseïs . we must then in the odysseïs it self examine what this third sort of episode is , the better to know wherein it differs from the second . we shall see how the incidents he calls proper , are absolutely necessary : and how those , which he distinguishes by the name of episodes , are in one sense necessary and probable ; and in another sense not at all necessary , but such as the poet had liberty to make use of , or not . after homer had laid the first ground-work of the fable , and prepar'd the model , such as we have observ'd it to be , it was not then at his choice to make or not make vlysses absent from his country . this absence was essential : * aristotle stiles and places it among those things that are proper to the fable . but the adventure of antiphates , that of circe , of the sirens , of scylla , of charybdis , &c. he does not call such . the poet was left at his full liberty to have made choice of any other , as well as these things . so that , they are only probable , and such episodes as are distinct from the main action , to which in this sense they are neither proper nor necessary . but now let us see in what sense they are necessary thereto . since the absence of vlysses was necessary , it follows , that not being at home , he must be somewhere else . though then the poet had his liberty to make use of none of these particular adventures we mention'd , and he made choice of ; yet had he not an absolute liberty of making use of none at all : but if he had omitted these , he had been necessarlly oblig'd to substitute others in their room ; otherwise he would have left out part of the matter contain'd in his model , and his poem would have been defective . this last sense of the word episode is not so different from the second as it seems at first sight , since it still informs us that an episode is a necessary part of the action . the difference between them lies in this , that an episode in the second sense is the foundation and ground-work of the episode in the third sense : and that this third sense adds to the second the probable circumstances of places , princes , and people , where and among whom he was cast by neptune , and abode during his absence from ithaca . we must likewise take notice , that in this third sense , the incident which serves as a foundation to an episode , ought to be of some extent and compass , and that without this an essential part of the action and fable is not an episode . as in the example of oedipus which we propos'd ; the cure of the thebans is a part proper and essential to the fable , and would be an episode in the second sense . but because the poet has not amplified this incident by any circumstance , therefore 't is not an episode in the third sense : 't is only the foundation of such an episode , which the poet made no use of . this observation makes it clear , that in reality the first platform of the action contains only what is proper and necessary to the fable , and has not any episode ; as aristotle says of the model he has given us of the odysseïs . 't is therefore in this third sense we are to understand the precept of aristotle , which orders us not to form the episodes till after we have made choice of the names we would give our personages . homer could not have spoken of a fleet and navy , as he has , if instead of the names of achilles , agamemnon , and the iliad , he had made choice of those of capaneus , adrastus , and the thebaid , as he might have done without spoiling the essence of the fable . if one should form an episode , whereof not only the names and circumstances were not necessary , but whose very ground-work and foundation was not a part of the action , that serves for the subject-matter of a poem : then this episode would have a sorry connexion , and would render the fable episodical . this irregularity is discernable , when one can so take away a whole episode , without substituting any thing in its room , that this substraction shall make no vacuum , nor defect in the poem . the story of hypsipyle inserted in the thebaid , is an instance of these defective episodes . if the whole narration of this famous matron were taken away , the sequel of the main action would be but so much the better ; one should not perceive that the poet had forgot any thing , or wanted the least member of the body of his action . but suppose any one should say , that if these particular incidents were natural and necessary members , it would thence follow , that they would not be foreign , extraneous , additional , and inserted pieces . to this i answer , that all this is true ; but withall , that the thing has retain'd its original and native name , though it has quite lost its nature . aristotle , who as well as others has retain'd this dubious term , prescribes the rules of tragedy under the name of episode . therefore in this treatise , wherein i only follow his precepts , i am oblig'd to take every thing in his sense , and not spoil the nature of the things , which he explains , by a superstitious adhering to a word that has chang'd its nature ever since its first rise . i will maintain then that the word episode in the epick poem does not signifie in extraneous foreign peice , even in aristotle's opinion : but that it signifies the whole narration of the poet , or a necessary and essential part of the action and the proper subject , extended and amplified by probable circumstances . this conclusion deserves a more particular examination . chap. v. concerning the nature of episodes . an episode , according to aristotle , should not be taken from something else and added to the action ; but should constitute a part of the action it self . that this is aristotle's mind , we shall find , if we would but reflect , that this great master , when he treated of episodes , never made use of this word to add , although his interpreters have found it so natural , that they have commonly made use of it in their translations and notes . when he commends homer for taking only part of the siege of troy for the subject-matter of his iliad ; he does not say that he has amplified it by adding a great many episodes to it ; this expression would distinguish the episodes from the matter to which they would have been added : but he says , * that he made use of a great many episodes of this action : and this denotes that the episodes of the iliad were part of the action which is the subject-matter thereof . and a few lines after he says , † that the poet divided his poem by episodes . this is what we observ'd before in oedipus . if the episodes were taken elsewhere , and added to the action , whereof they were not parts , it would signifie little whether they were join'd and connected with one another or no , but they should be join'd to the action , and this ‡ aristotle should have taught us . and yet he does no such thing , but orders us to connect them with one another . he does not say , that after one has prepar'd the platform of the fable , and made choice of the names , one should add the episodes ; but he makes use of a verb deriv'd from this word ; as if we should say in our language , * that the poet ought to episodize his action . and elsewhere he says , that the episodes should not be foreign , but † proper to the subject . in fine , we might likewise alledge this very chapter , wherein aristotle lays down the first draught of the odysseïs , and which he concludes by saying , that whatever he has propos'd is proper to the subject , and that the episodes make up the rest . in this passage , to give us a reason of the different extent of tragedy and the epopéa ; or to inform us how this last becomes longer : he does not say , that they add a few episodes to the tragick action , and a great many to the epick ; but he says more exactly , that the episodes of tragedy are short and concise , and the epopéa is extended and amplified by its episodes . he demonstrates this length of the epopéa amplified by the extent of its episodes , by the poem of the odysseïs , which he brings as an example , and says , ‡ the subject of it is long . now if the episodes ( take the word in what sense you please ) be not part of the subject , 't is plain the more room they take up the less is left for the subject ; and that the longer they are , the more straitned and short will the subject be . if then the epopéa be stretch'd out by its episodes , and if for this very reason the subject of the odysseïs is long , as aristotle affirms ; it then necessarily follows , that the subject is nothing else but the very episodes . the better to demonstrate this length of the odysseïs , aristotle adds , that the subject of this poem is a voyage for several years ; that neptune did all he could to hinder the chief personage from returning home ; that he does return thither notwithstanding ; where he meets with very great disorders , the authors of which he punishes , and so restores peace and quietness to his kingdom . this subject is indeed a great deal longer than that of the iliad ; and it requires a longer time , and more actions for all these things , than for the simple anger of an enrag'd and pacified person , where every thing was transacted in one and the same place . this length of the odysseïs , compar'd to that of the iliad , would still hold good , though we should substract from it the several years which precede the opening of the poem ; and began the action only at the time of the first council of the gods. for it would be still longer than that of the iliad by a fifth part ; the one taking up days , and the other only or . but one cannot exclude from the subject that which precedes the opening of the poem , and that which vlysses relates to alcinous , without contradicting * aristotle , by reducing into the compass of less than two months , what he says took up several years . this would be to give † homer himself the lye , who says , that his subject contains the voyages and travels of a man , who after the taking of troy , saw several cities , and knew the customs of a great many states and people : he says , that he suffer'd much by sea , and did all he could to secure the return of his attendants as well as of himself . now all this did not happen since the first council of the gods. then , there were seven whole years , in which he never so much as thought of his attendants , for they were all destroy'd . and since that , there happen'd but one tempest , and he visited no more than one city . these seven years then , and all the adventures , the travels , and the tempests which preceeded , from the ruin of troy down to that time , are not extraneous , foreign , or additional pieces ; but are with the rest the subject of the poem . and yet they are episodes , as aristotle asserts in these words , the rest are episodes : for this rest is all that he did not name in particular . now he spoke only in general , of the absence of vlysses , of the storms he met with , of the disturbances of ithaca , and of the re-establishment of this prince . in short , when we discours'd of the nature of the fable , we there took notice of the absolute necessity the poet lay under of keeping vlysses from his country a very long time ; of ordering his absence as caused by the storms he met with ; of casting this hero upon several different countries ; of raising great disorders in ithaca ; of making an example of his enemies by punishing them ; and of re-establishing the prince himself . this was so far necessary to the subject , that the poet was not left to his liberty of changing it , without destroying his design , spoiling his fable , and making another poem of it . but though it was necessary that vlysses should be with strange princes for several years ; yet it was not necessary that one of these princes should be antiphates , another alcinous ; nor that the nymph calypso , and the enchantress circe should be his hostesses . one might have changed these persons and states into others , without changing the design and the fable . thus , though these adventures were part of the subject after the poet's choice of them , yet they were not proper to the subject . it is likewise necessary to the subject , that vlysses revenge himself , and punish his wife's courtiers ; but 't is neither proper nor necessary that he should kill them with javelins , as they were at supper in his house , at night too , and none to assist him but his son and two or three of his domestics . he might have appear'd at the head of an army , and without the least surprize have kill'd them with his drawn sword at their own houses , or in the open field . but yet will any man say , that his killing them with javelins is not part of the subject ? in a word , the revenge he takes , and the punishing of these miscreants , exprest in short , as we see it in the model aristotle has left us , is a simple action proper and necessary to the subject . it is not an episode , but the foundation and soul of an episode : and this same punishment explain'd and amplified with all the circumstances of times , places , and persons , is not a simple and proper action , but an episodiz'd action , and a true episode : and though the poet is left at his freedom and choice therein , yet it does not follow that the episode is form'd upon a less proper and necessary foundation . 't is in this last sense , and of this only sort of episodes , we shall generally speak . chap. vi. the definition of episodes . after what has been said , we may very well infer , that episodes are necessary parts of the action , extended by probable circumstances . an episode is but a part of an action , and not an entire one ; like that of hypsipyle in statius , which renders this poem defective and episodical . that part of the action which serves for a foundation to the episode , ought not to continue in its simplicity ; such as it is in the general related in the first draught of the fable . aristotle having recounted the parts of the odysseïs , says expresly , that they are proper : and in this case distinguishes them from the episodes . thus in the instance of oedipus which we produc'd , we said , that the cure of the thebans is not an episode , but only the foundation and subject of an episode , which the poet made no use of . and aristotle ( by saying that homer in the iliad has taken but a few things for his subject , but that he has made use of a great many episodes ) does inform us , that the subject contains in it self a great many episodes , which the poet may or may not make use of . that is , it contains the foundation of them , which one may leave in its general and simple brevity , as seneca has done the cure of the thebans ; or which one may enlarge and explain , as the same author has done the chastisement of oedipus . in this last way 't is that the poet makes use of them , and forms just episodes out of them . the subject of a poem may be long after two ways : the first is , when the poet makes use of a great many of its episodes : and the other is , when he gives to each a considerable extent . 't is by this method , that the epick poets extend their poems a great deal more than the dramatick . we must likewise take notice , that there are some parts of an action which of themselves do naturally present us but with one single episode ; as , the death of hector , that of turnus , &c. there are likewise more fertile parts of the fable , which oblige the poet to form several episodes of each part , though in the first model they are exprest in as simple a manner as the rest . such are , the fight between the trojans and the grecians ; the absence of vlysses ; the travels of aeneas , &c. for the absence of vlysses from his own country during so many years together , does necessarily require his presence elsewhere ; and the design of the fable obliges him to be cast into several dangers , and upon several states . now each danger , and each state , furnishes matter for an episode , which the poet may make use of , if he please . we conclude then , that episodes are not actions , but the parts of an action : that they are not added to the action , and the matter of the poem ; but that they constitute this action and this matter , as the members of the body constitute the matter of it : that upon this account they are not deduc'd from any thing else , but the very foundation of the action : that they are not united and connected to the action , but to one another : that all the parts of an action are not so many episodes ; but only such as are amplified and extended by particular circumstances , and in the manner whereby the poet rehearses a thing : and lastly , that this union between each other , is necessary in the foundation of the episode , and probable in the circumstances . chap. vii . of the vnity of the action . there are four qualifications in the epick action : the first is its vnity ; the second its integrity ; the third its importance ; and the fourth its duration . we will begin with the first . in this place we shall consider the vnity of the action , not only in the first draught and model of the fable , but in the extended and episodiz'd action . and in truth , if the episodes are not added to the action , but on the contrary are the necessary parts thereof ; it is plain , that they ought to be comprehended in it , and its vnity still preserv'd : and the fables which aristotle calls episodical are such , wherein some episodes that are foreign , and not duly connected , add some actions to the action of the poem , and so spoil the vnity of it . the vnity of the epick action , as well as the vnity of the fable , does not consist either in the vnity of the hero , or in the vnity of time : this is what we have already taken notice of . but 't is easier to tell wherein it does not consist , than 't is to discover wherein it does . from the idea i have conceived thereof by reading our authors , these three things , i suppose , are necessary thereto . the first is , to make use of no episode , but what arises from the very platform and foundation of the action , and is as it were a natural member of this body . the second is , exactly to unite these episodes , and these members , with one another . and the third is , never to finish any episode so as it may seem to be an entire action ; but to let each episode still appear in its own particular nature , as the member of a body , and as a part of it self not compleat . we have already established the first of these three qualifications , in the doctrine we laid down concerning the episodes ; and perhaps enough has been said about it : but yet we will clear up this doctrine by some instances taken from the principal episodes of the aeneid . in the scheme we have drawn of the fable and action of this poem , we have observed , that aeneas ought of necessity to be a king newly elected , and the founder of an empire rais'd upon the ruins of a decay'd state : that this prince should be oppos'd by wicked men : and lastly , that he should be established by piety and the force of arms. the first part of this action is the alteration of a state , of a king , and of a priest . and this is virgil's first episode , contain'd in his second book , wherein the * poet describes the subversion of the trojan empire in asia , the death of king priam , and of the priest panthus . to all this he adds the choice which both gods and men make of aeneas to be the successor of these two deceased persons , and to re-establish the empire of the trojans in italy . the second part of the action begins , when aeneas sets himself upon his duty , executes the orders he receives , and marches for italy . virgil has plac'd almost all this second episode in his third book : the rest lies in the first , in the fifth , and in the beginning of the seventh . the third part of the action is the establishing religion and laws . religion consists in sacrifices , in funeral rites , and festival sports . aeneas performed all these ; and the † poet took care from time to time to advertise his readers , that these ceremonies were not to be consider'd as so many particular actions , or as the simple effects of the hero's piety upon some particular occasions ; but as sacred rites , which he was going to ‡ transfer into italy under the quality of the founder of the roman empire . by this means , no body can doubt of his meaning , nor take these acts of religion , and these episodes , for any thing else but the necessary and essential parts of his action and matter . this part furnishes the poet with several episodes , which he distributes into several parts of his work ; as in the third book , where aeneas receives from helenus the ceremonies which hereafter he was oblig'd to institute : in the fifth , where he celebrates the sports hard by his father's tomb : and elsewhere almost throughout the whole poem . virgil design'd his sixth book for the other part about laws , viz. for the morality , for the politicks , and for the forming such a genius as was to animate the body-politick of the roman state. after these parts of the action , which contain the performance of the hero 's designs , we are to consider likewise the obstacles he meets with , which make up the intrigues of the action . these obstacles are the effects of juno's passion . and we might say , that this opposition is no less proper to the aeneid , than the opposition of neptune is to the odysseïs . now we observ'd that aristotle placed the anger of this god in the first draught of the greek poem among the incidents that are proper to it . the first of these intrigues , and the most considerable obstacle of all , is that of dido , which takes up the first and fourth book . the second is the burning of his fleet in the fifth book . the third is the love , the ambition , and the valour of turnus . this last supply'd him with a great many episodes , being the cause of all the war aeneas met with in italy . it begins at the seventh book , and is not over till the end of the poem . 't is thus that the episodes of the aeneid are deduc'd from the fable and the very essence of the action . the second thing we said was necessary for the vnity of the action , is the unity and the connexion of the episodes with one another . for besides that relation and proportion which all the members ought to have with one another , so as to constitute but one body , which should be homogeneous in all its parts ; 't is requir'd farther , that these members should be , not contiguous as if they were cut off and clap'd together again , but uninterrupted and duly connected . without this , the natural members would not make up that union , which is necessary to constitute a body . the continuity and situation of episodes is not exact , when they only follow one another : but they should be plac'd one after another so as the first shall either be necessarily or probably the cause of that which follows . * aristotle finds fault with incidents that are without any consequence or connexion ; and he says that the poems , wherein such sorts of episodes are , offend against the vnity of action . he brings , as an instance of this defect , the wound which vlysses receiv'd upon parnassus , and the folly he counterfeited before the grecian princes : because one of these incidents could not have happen'd as a consequence of the other ; homer could not have given them a necessary connexion and continuity : nor has he spoil'd the vnity of the odysseïs by such a mixture . but he gives us a compleat instance of the continuity we speak of , in the method whereby he has connected the two parts of his iliad ; which are the anger of achilles against agamemnon , and the anger of the same hero against hector . the poet would not have duly connected these two episodes , if before the death of patroclus , achilles had been less inexorable , and had accepted of the satisfaction agamemnon offer'd him . this would have made two anger 's and two revenges quite different from , and independent of one another . and though both had been necessary and essential to the fable , to make it appear what mischiefs discord , and what advantages concord is the cause of : yet the vnity would have been only in the fable , but the action would have been double and episodical : because the first episode would not have been the cause of the second , nor the second a consequence of the first . these two parts of the ilaid are joyn'd together very regularly . if achilles had never fell out with agamemnon , he would have fought in person , and not have expos'd his friend singly against hector , under those arms that were the cause of this young man's rashness and death . and besides , the better to joyn these two parts with one another , the second is begun a great while before one sees what event the first ought to have . all the articles of the reconciliation are propos'd , and one might say , that this reconciliation , with respect to agamemnon , is made before the death of patroclus , and even before it was ever thought of exposing him to a battel . there was nothing more wanting but achilles's consent : and since that was not given till the death of patroclus had made him resolve upon that of hector ; it may be truly affirmed , that the anger and the revenge of achilles against hector , which is nothing else but the second part of the poem , is the only cause of the reconciliation , which finish'd the first part . but for the vnity of a body , it is not enough that all its members be natural , and duly united and compacted together ; 't is farther requisite , that each member should be no more than a member ; an imperfect part , and not a finish'd compleat body . this is the third qualification we said was necessary to preserve the vnity of the epick action . for the better understanding of this doctrine , we must take notice that an action may be entire and compleat two ways : the first is , by perfectly compleating it , and making it absolutely entire with respect to the principal persons that are interested therein , and in the principal circumstances which are employ'd about it . the second way is by compleating it only with respect to some persons , and in some circumstances that are less principal . this second way preserves the action in its regular vnity , the other destroys it . we will give you an instance of each . the greeks were assembled together to revenge the affront offer'd to menelaus , and to force the trojans to restore him his wife , whom paris had stollen away . there happens a difference between agamemnon and achilles . this last being highly incens'd , abandons the common cause , and withdraws himself ; so that in his absence agamemnon's army was worsted by the trojans . but the boldness of the king of kings puts him upon engaging the enemy without achilles . away he marches to give them a general assault with all his forces . the fight began with the duel between menelaus and paris . they sight without seconds , upon condition that helen should be the conquerour's ; and the war decided by this combat . tho' the anger of achilles was the cause of this combat , and whatever interest he might have therein ; yet 't is plain , that menelaus , paris , and helen are so far the principal personages concern'd , that if this action had been finished with respect to them , it would have been quite finish'd : it would not have made a part of the action and of the revenge of achilles , but a compleat action ; which would have put an end to the revenge , and render'd the anger of this hero ineffectual . therefore homer has not finish'd this action : paris being hard put to it escapes , and menelaus is wounded with a dart by pandarus ; by this means achilles begins to be reveng'd , and this incident becomes an exact episode . virgil has manag'd the episode of dido another way . he has finish'd it so , that the vnion of his main action is as regular as the art of poetry requires . the address of this great poet consists in ordering it so , that dido , in whom this incident is compleat , was not the chief personage ; and her marriage was only a simple circumstance of an action , that is not finish'd , and yet is the soul and the only foundation of this particular action : in a word , aeneas is the hero of this episode , which is only invented to retard the settlement of this hero in italy . this is manifest , if we would but reflect on what the skill and care of the poet has left us about it . juno , who carried on all this intrigue , was very little concern'd for dido's happiness . if she had lov'd her so well , she should have diverted the trojan fleet from her coasts ; upon which place she her self did cast them , * which was the only cause of this queens miseries . when she proposes the match to venus with so much ardency , 't was only the top of her countenance . † her whole aim was to keep aeneas in africk , and to bestow on carthage the empire of the world , which belonged only to italy , and depended upon the stars of this hero. you see then the only thing she drives at , the rest is only counterfeit , and a means whereby she endeavours to accomplish this end. dido her self makes it appear how less considerable her person is than that of aeneas , and that she is only brought in to hinder the designs of this prince . 't is she , that courts him , and would have him for her king , husband , and protector , against the rage of her brother and the incursions of iarbas . but she could only obtain a marriage for a month or so , as was customary now and then in those times . aeneas tells her plainly , that the name of husband should be no hinderance to his departure , and his designs for italy : and he declares , that this condition of not leaving carthage was not in the articles of their alliance . the more an episode may seem to be a compleat action , the more care should the poet take to prepare the reader 's mind , before he engages him in it . this is what virgil did in the episode we mentioned . all the beginning of the first book does sufficiently inform the reader , that the stay of aeneas at carthage was only a hindrance and constraint which he was forced to submit to . the poet is likewise obliged to repeat this advertisement at the beginning of these episodes ; that so the reader may know to what the poet engages him . thus the trojans were scarce got to carthage , but they give out that their design is for italy . and before dido made the least shew of her designs upon aeneas ; the poet spends the second and third books to inform us of this hero's design , and the necessity of his going to italy , according to the orders he received from the oracles and the gods. all this is declar'd in his speech to dido her self . to conclude , all this episode is so full of this main design , that the poet is not willing we should lose the sight of it for a moment . therefore aeneas is doubtless the hero of this episode : and we ought to look upon this incident rather as an obstacle laid to hinder the settlement of the trojans in italy , as the history of dido , in whom it is a compleat action . chap. viii . of the faults which corrupt the unity of the action . homer and virgil have furnished us with instances of an exact vnity , with the three qualifications we requir'd . we must now enquire elsewhere for instances of an vnity that is corrupted by episodes that are irregular all these three ways : that is , first such as are deriv'd from something else besides the action ; secondly , such as have no connexion with the rest of the poem , nor with the members and parts , which are the matter thereof ; and lastly , such as are compleat actions , independent from the subject . these vicious and superfluous episodes may be met with not only in the middle of the poem , but at the beginning and the end. the thebaid of statius furnishes us with all these instances , as his achilleid has already afforded us an instance of that false vnity , which consists only in the vnity of the hero. the unfortunate oedipus had pluck'd out his own eyes ; and banishing himself from thebes , left the government of it to eteocles and polynices , his two sons . they order'd matters so , that each of them , one after another , should reign a whole year by himself . but the eldest being in possession , when his time was out , refus'd to quit the throne . polynices , in his exile , was so happy as to marry the daughter of adrastus king of argos . this aged prince takes prince takes up the quarrel , and with the assistance of his allies undertakes to settle polynices on the throne , and to out eteocles . upon this thebes is beleaguer'd , and after several skitmishes , this difference was decided by the duel and death of the two rival brothers . this war between the two theban brothers , is the * action our poet would relate , and the subject-matter of the thebaid . but observe another action , or rather another story . the goddess venus is offended with the inhabitants of lemnos , because in all that island she had neither temple , altar , nor sacrifice . at first she puts the men out of conceit with their wives ; and then she makes the women so mad , as to conspire the death of all their husbands . this barbarous resolution is most unmercifully put in execution . hypsipyle was the only woman who had secretly saved her father king troas , and so ingeniously dissembles the having murder'd him , that the rest confer the kingdom upon her , as belonging to that family . a little after the argonauts , going in quest of the golden-fleece , are forc'd by a storm to call in and recruit themselves at lemnos . they were very kindly entertain'd there , and the badness of the season gave jason , the chief of these hero's , an opportunity of leaving hypsipyle big with twins , before he put off to sea. she was scarce brought to bed , but 't was told her subjects , that they had been cheated , and that king troas was alive , and reign'd in the isle of chios , whither hypsipyle had convey'd him , tho' she had pretended she had murder'd him . this made the princess so odious , that fearing the fury of those women she fled to the sea-shore , where she was seiz'd on and carry'd off by pirates . they bestow her on king lyeurgus , who makes her the nurse of his son archemorus . the state of this prince border'd upon thebes , and lay in the road the army of adrastus was to pass thither . the greeks met with this famous nurse as she was alone with her nursery in a wood. they were extreme thirsty , all the wells being dry'd up by the scorching seasons . they intreat her to give them some relief ; she grants their request , and brings them to a fountain that never was drain'd . she was so forward , that to make the more hast to this wish'd for stream , she eases her self of her precious burden with which she was intrusted , and leaves archemorus all alone upon the grass . she goes to quench the grecians thirst ; and then to satisfie the desire they had of knowing who she was , that had been the saving of them , she makes a large recital of her own life . after she had made an end , and receiv'd the compliments of adrastus , she returns back to her prince . but a frightful serpent had kill'd him by a blow with his tail. the greeks kill the serpent , and in honour of the dead prince make a splendid funeral , and institute most magnificent sports , which take up a whole book of the thebaid . the recitals of hypsipyle , and the death of archemorus fill up another . these are foreign episodes , and if they are regular , i cannot imagine what use the rules of aristotle can be of in this business . but let us see whether these incidents have so much as one single qualification of those which i propos'd as necessary to the vnity of the action . the first of these qualifications is that an episode be proper and drawn from the very essence of the fable and the subject . it would be hard to invent an adventure more foreign to the war of the theban brothers , than all this story of lemnos . for what affinity has the anger of venus , the butchering of the lemnians , the designs of the argonauts , and the amours of jason and hypsipyle , with the quarrel between eteocles and polynices ? to make a mix'd medly of such various incidents , is just like forming one of * horace's monsters : and never would a woman's head clap'd on to a horse's neck appear more monstrous , than does this hypsipyle tack'd to the war of thebes appear in this poem . this is the first and most essential fault of this episode . the second is in the connexion , which is not at all in the thebaid , things being clap'd together without the least necessity or probability . for pray what part of the subject of the thebaid is either the cause , or the effect of the massacre at lemnos ? or of any of the adventures of jason ? 't is true hypsipyle makes this recital to the argives , as they were going to infest thebes ; but there is a great deal of difference between connecting the recital of an action to something , and connecting the very action to it . if for the introducing a narration into the body of a poem , and connecting it thereto , so as to make a just episode of it , 't is enough that this narration be made in the presence of the hero , by some body that has some interest therein ; there would be no more need of rules for the due vniting of episodes . for a poet to fail of making this vnion exactly , it would not be enough that he were ignorant and unskilful , but he should be something more ; he should be malicious , and declare positively against all connexions whatever . for without 't were so , he would not be easily inclined to stuff a whole book with the impertinent description of a story that was nothing to the purpose . the sports of the sixth book of statius are no less irregular . there is nothing in the action to give them the least countenance . they have no reference to the war of thebes , to the designs of the argonauts , nor to the mad practices of lemnos . nor is it a consequence of the stories of hypsipyle ; but rather a consequence of the recital she made of these stories . they are tack'd to her recital at one end , and at the other to the march of the grecians , without the least necessity and probability . and how could the fiery tempers of tydeus and capaneus , and the hot spirits of the other commanders away with such languishing and godly amusements ; and by consequence so opposite to the very soul of the poem , which consists altogether in violence and impiety ? 't is true the march of the argives was the cause of his death for whom they instituted these sports : but that it should not have been ; and since this cause is no way necessary , and offends against all probability , 't is rather a fresh fault , than any excuse . hypsipyle had so little a way to go from the place where she left her prince , to that whither she conducted the grecians ; that from thence * she hears this infant 's shrill cry , when death had almost stop'd his mouth . therefore if she had had any concern for leaving archemorus , she should not have staid from him a moment . but could not a souldier have leave to pass a compliment upon her for a few minutes or so ? to conclude , who did ever know a nurse so inconsiderate , as to leave her child alone for several hours in the midst of a forest , to the mercy of wild beasts , expos'd to so many other dangers ; and to leave him in this manner without a guard , thô so many thousands were at hand , to whom she had done such a singular piece of service ? how could so many redoubted princes endure this unworthy and foolish exposing of a child without the least necessity for it ? but what signifies it ? virgil had : his sports , and 't was but requisite statius should have his too . the third fault that may be committed against the vnity of the main action , is to compleat an action entirely , which should serve for an episode . this is likewise one of the conditions of the story of hypsipyle : nothing is more compleat in all its circumstances . it makes no part of any other action : 't is an entire action , that has no dependance on any of the theban worthies , or the other grecians of this poem ; of whom not one has the least interest in what pass'd at lemnos . thus , the vnity of the action is entirely spoil'd in the thebaid by this adventure , the recital whereof makes the poem episodical . this fault of statius is in the very midle of his poem . it has cut the action of it into two parts , most monstrously divided by this large hiatus , which is so miserably fill'd up with foreign members , or rather foreign bodies . but , as i before hinted , these superfluities corrupt the vnity as much when they are plac'd at the beginning or end , as when they are in the middle and body of the poem . statius affords us instances of this kind of fault likewise . had he ‡ begun the war of thebes with the incestuous birth of eteocles and polynices , he would have imitated those , who began the war of troy with the birth of helen , thô even that met with † horace's censure . but ‡ he carries matters still higher , goes back as far as the first founding of thebes , and opens his poem with the rape of europa , which was the first cause of building that city . he ends just as he begun . the quarrel of the two brothers was manifestly decided by their deaths , there remained no more difficulty , the siege was rais'd , and all over . and when the reader expects no more , the poet , who has quite drained his matter , gives us notice of his joyning another story thereto , which was the consequence thereof , just as the return of vlysses is the consequence of hector's death , and the taking of troy ; and as the reign of ascanius is the consequence of the establishment of aeneas . thebes has no longer the argives but the athenians for its enemies ; 't is no longer defended by eteocles , but by creon ; and not assaulted by polynices , but by theseus . the dispute is no longer about a kingdom , but a tyrant to be punished . 't is no more a siege but the taking of a city . and now no longer is cruelty , ambition , and violence predominant there ; but valour , generosity , and piety , which in the last book destroy the character of the whole poem . so that the action is quite another , in the cause , in the end , in the persons , in the manner , and in all the other circumstances . these are the faults which manifestly spoil the vnity of the epick action . chap. ix . of the integrity of the action aristotle not only says that the epick action should be one , but * he adds that it should be entire , perfect and compleat : and for this purpose , it must have a beginning , a middle , and an end. herein these actions differ from those of aesop's fables ; for there is no necessity that these last should be entire and compleat . witness the † fable of the meager hunger-starved fox , who convey'd himself thro a very small hole into a granary full of corn. when he had cram'd his guts , he was for marching the same way out again : but he found himself too corpulent . a weezel at a distance seeing him in such a quandary tells him , he came empty in , and must go as empty out . now there 's no necessity of finishing this action . reynard is very regularly left in this place without telling what happened to him afterwards ; and without troubling ones head , whether he was kill'd upon the spot ; or pinched his guts to save his carcass , or whether he escaped at some other hole . this action then is not a whole , because it has only a beginning and middle , but not an end. these three parts of a whole are too generally and universally denoted by the words , beginning , middle , and end : we may interpret them more precisely , and say , that the causes and designs which one takes for doing an action are the beginning of this action ; that the effects of these causes , and the difficulties that are met with in the execution of these designs are the middle of it ; and that the unraveling and resolution of these difficulties are the end of the action . this end , and this unravelling may happen after different ways , and so form several sorts of actions . for sometimes the action ends by the discovery of some person , who was unknown before , as in the tragedy of oedipus . this prince thought himself the son of polybus and meropa , king and queen of corinth : and he discovers himself to be a theban , the son of laius and jocasta . sometimes without any discovery , there is a great change of fortune in some person or other , who thinking himself happy , all on a sudden falls into a misery he never dream'd of ; or else on the contrary , becomes from a miserable , a very happy person beyond all expectation . the first of these was agamemnon's case after the ruine of troy , who thinking himself in quiet possession of his acquired glory was miserably butchered by his wife . * these changes or alterations from one kind of fortune to the contrary are called by a greek name peripetias . sometimes likewise there is neither a discovery nor a peripetia ; but the action ceases , and passes , if i may so say , from motion to rest after a simple manner , without any incident , but such as might be expected in the ordinary course of affairs . thus in the troad of seneca , hecuba and the trojans appear at first as in captivity , and under a long series of afflictions , which made them complain with their tongues , and despair in their hearts . the ghost of achilles requires polixena should be sacrificed to him , and before they part , calchas would make them kill astyanax too . both are put in execution , and so the tragedy ends . * these different ways make two sorts of action or fable : the one simple , the other complex . the simple actions are such as end without a discovery and a peripetia ; the complex have either a discovery , or a perpetia , or both. the integrity of the action comprehends all these things : let us now take a particular view of them . chap. x. that the action ought to be a whole . this proposition seems contrary to what aristotle teaches us , when he says , * that the war of troy is a just and perfect whole ; that homer has taken but a part of it . that therein he was very judicious ; and that those who instead of imitating him , have taken this whole for the subject of their poems , have taken too much matter , and have been very indifferent artists . does he pretend by this doctrine , and by these instances to overthrow what we have cited out of that very treatise of poetry ? would he teach us that the subject and matter of a poem ought not to be a whole , and an entire and compleat action , but only a part of an action ? sure 't is not likely he should contradict himself thus . we may reconcile this , that appears so contradictory in the terms , by making this reflection : that one and the same action may be consider'd as in the fable , where the poet makes use of it ; or else as in the history , whence he took it . when the poet is upon the search after matter for his fable , he lights upon several sorts of actions . some have several parts which may be regularly connected in one body ; and then he may take one of these actions , entire as it is . but there are others whose parts are so independent to one another , that a man cannot with any probability joyn them together so as they shall seem to be the causes and the consequences of each other . and this is what aristotle condemns under the name of many-limb'd fables . to which he opposes those which have but one only part . he does not absolutely forbid the multiplicity of parts ; but he commonly takes such sorts of words in the worst sense , which might of themselves be understood in a more favourable one . thus we observ'd , that he condemned the vicious plurality of fables and episodes , under the terms of polymythia , and episodical , altho' a man may lawfully put several fables into a poem , and there is none but has several episodes in it . therefore 't is in this sence that he condemns the plurality of the parts in an epick action . we are not to suppose that he condemns it absolutely , and that this action made use of cannot be a whole . he explains his own meaning sufficiently in the following words . * as , says he , in other imitations , that which a man imitates is one single thing : so likewise , the fable being the imitation of an action , 't is requisite that this action be one , entire , and a whole , and that the parts be so joyn'd to , and dependent on each other , that one cannot so much as remove any one out of its place , either to transpose , or retrench it quite , without making a change in the whole . for whatever can be so placed or omitted , that one cannot perceive the alteration , can by no means be a part of the action . so then , 't is only the plurality of parts in this last sence which aristotle condemns . and he has commended homer for having taken only a part of all that passed in the trojan war. but yet we are to take special notice that this retrenchment of all the other parts does not hinder the anger of achilles , which is only retain'd , from being a whole in the poem . 't is only a part with respect to the whole war , and in the history whence homer took it : but 't is an entire and compleat whole in the fable and poem , which homer has made of it . you see then how these opposite expressions of aristotle are easily reconciled in their meaning . the poet may take out of history an entire action , or but a part of one : but still he must put in his poem an entire action , and not a part only . the disposition of his matter regulates this point , and makes a regular whole of whatever he shall have met with and made choice of . he must make use thereof variously , according to the historical plurality , or singularity of the parts , so as to make thereof the subject of his poem . when he takes an entire action , as homer has done for his odysseïs , and virgil for the aeneid ; there is nothing to be adjusted , nor any measure to be taken to make this action appear a whole , and not the part of another action . the reader is already instructed by history , and is in little danger of being mistaken therein . 't is enough that the poet tell wherein his action consists , without saying wherein it does not . homer proposes the return of vlysses , who after the destruction of troy , came back again to his own country : virgil proposes the change of a state which is ruin'd at troy , and re-established in italy by aeneas . each of these adventures have the conditions of a whole as well in the history whence they were taken , as in the fables where they are made use of . but when the poet chuses only a part , and out of this historical part makes a whole in his fable ; he must take care to give his readers notice of it , for fear that they , applying the knowledge they have of the history to what they read in the poem , should blame the author , as if he had said but little on his subject , or rather had ill managed his design , having only described an imperfect action . the poet 's not knowing how to change a part into a whole , has perhaps contributed very much to the fault of those men , whom aristotle blames for having loaded themselves with too much matter . but the knowledge homer had of this secret , and his skill in practising it , has made him merit those praises which aristotle gives him . he does not only tell us in his iliad that the anger of achilles is his subject ; but besides that , in express words he excludes the other parts of the trojan war. to do this after a poetical and more artificial manner , he makes use of the very hero's person , whose action and design he sings . * i am not come hither ( says achilles ) to wage war against the trojans ; i have nothing to do with them , they have done me no wrong : my design was to maintain the honour of agamemnon and menelaus . but since agamemnon offers an injury to my honour , i renounce that design , and shall only take care to revenge my self , &c. you may see by this what is the design of the iliad , and what is not . besides , the poet has given neither a beginning nor an end to the siege of troy : nay there is scarce a middle that is proper to it . for tho' jupiter sends agamemnon to assault the town , yet 't is not with a design it should be taken , as this abused prince imagin'd : but only to be punish'd by the trojan arms for the affront he had put upon achilles , and to satisfie the anger , and the revenge of this hero. on the other hand , all the parts of this anger , that are requisite to make it a whole , are very conspicuous . it has its beginning , its causes , its effects , and its end. this is what the poet continues to make out as he had begun ; that is , in the person of his hero. achilles is not reconcil'd with agamemnon with a design to revenge all greece upon troy , or menelaus upon paris : as long as nothing else was on foot he was inexorable . but hector kills patroclus ; then he is reconcil'd , that he may revenge his own particular injury upon hector alone . thô he is the death of other trojans , yet 't is only because he meets not with hector himself : 't is to fight his way through to this particular enemy ; 't is because those he kills are his relations , or his souldiers ; just as before he reveng'd himself on all the grecians , for the affront which agamemnon alone had put upon him . as soon as he could meet with hector , he * charges all the other greeks to stand off , and would not let them interpose their quarrel with his . after he had kill'd him , he never pushes on the advantage which hector's death had given him over the trojans , who were stupified at this disaster , and dejected at so great a loss . he had nothing more to say to 'em , called off the gracians to the obsequies of patroclus , and vents the rest of his fury by insulting over the dead corps of his enemy . lastly , being mov'd at priam's tears , he restores the body to him , and grants him a truce for twelve days to perform the funeral solemnities . and that we might not look upon the death of hector as the end of the war ; the poet is so far from making the least shew of the trojans being inclin'd to a peace , or a surrender , that he makes priam say expresly , * that when the truce was over , they would be for fighting again upon the twelfth day . if this twelfth day had come , and a battle ensu'd , then the anger and the particular interest of achilles being at an end , these battles would have been really a part of the trojan war , and of the common cause . * homer to prevent this irregularity has finish'd his poem together with the truce and the funeral of hector , before the fight or the skirmishes were renew'd . could there be any greater demonstration , that the trojan war had nothing to do with all this , and that the subject of this poem is not a part of this war in the iliad : but that 't is a whole , entire , and compleat action , that has no dependence on the taking of this city ? to conclude , we must not confound the action with the fable ; nor the design of the hero in the action he does , with the design of the poet in the allegory , and in the moral he teaches . 't is well known that a wolf devouring a lamb has no design to give us the instructions which aesop has drawn from it . chap. xi . of the beginning , middle and end of the action . the poet should so begin his action , that on one hand nothing should be farther wanting for the understanding of what one reads ; and on the other hand , that what we read require after it a necessary consequence . he should end after the same manner , with these two conditions transposed ; the one , that nothing more be expected ; and the other , that what is put at the end of the action be only a necessary consequence of some thing which ought to have went before . lastly , the beginning must be joined to the end by a middle that makes no interval , but which is in it self neither the beginning nor the end. this middle must be the effect of something that went before , and the cause of some other thing that is to come after . * this makes three parts , each of which taken singly is imperfect , and always supposes one or both of the other . the beginning supposes nothing before it self , and requires something after it : on the contrary , the end requires nothing after it self , but supposes something that goes before : and the middle supposes something that went before , and requires something to follow after . we will explain this doctrine of aristotle by the instances we produced . eteocles and polynices were equally the sons and heirs of oëdipus king of thebes . they made a contract to reign a year by turns . eteocles began , and his year expired , refuses to quit his throne to his brother . polynices meets with assistance at argos , and comes to dispute his title at the head of an army . this is an exact beginning . it requires a consequence , but not any thing antecedent thereto . therefore 't was irregularly done to place before this beginning the recital of whatever happened from the founding of thebes , and the rape of europa down to that time . the quarrel of these two brothers ended with their deaths : which is an exact end ? the reader does not desire one should relate what becomes of creon the successor of eteocles . therefore statius is in the wrong , when he makes that a part of his poem . he was no less to blame for putting in the middle of his poem the story of hypsipyle . for this narration has no dependance on the theban action , and supposes nothing before it , and requires nothing after it ; and by consequence this action is neither the middle , nor any other part of the quarrel between the two brothers , or of the subject of the poem . these are examples to be avoided ; now we will produce such as are to be imitated . homer's design in the iliad is to relate the anger and revenge of achilles . the beginning of this action is the change of achilles from a calm to a passionate temper . the middle is the effects of his passion , and all the illustrious deaths it is the cause of . the end of this same action is the return of achilles to his calmness of temper again all was quiet in the graecian camp , when agamemnon their general provokes apollo against them , whom he was willing to appease afterwards at the cost and prejudice of achilles , who had nothing to do with his fault . this then is an exact beginning ; it supposes nothing before , and requires after it the effects of this anger . achilles revenges himself , and that is an exact middle ; it supposes before the beginning of the anger of achilles , who is provoked . this revenge is the effect of it . then this middle requires after it the effect of this revenge , which is the satisfaction of achilles ; for the revenge had not been compleat , unless achilles had been satisfied . by this means , the poet makes his hero , after he was glutted , as i may so say , by the mischief he had done to agamemnon , by the death of hector , and the honour he did his friend , by insulting o'er his murderer ; he makes him , i say , to be moved by the tears and misfortunes of king priam. we see him as calm at the end of the poem , during the funeral of hector , as he was at the beginning of the poem , whilst the plague raged among the graecians . this end is just , since the calmness of temper achilles re-enjoy'd , is only an effect of the revenge which ought to have went before ; and after this no body expects any more of his anger . thus has homer been very exact in the beginning , middle and end of the action he made choice of for the subject of his iliad . his design in the odysseis was to describe the return of vlysses from the ruin of troy , and his arrival at ithaea . he opens this poem with the complaints of minerva against neptune , who opposed the return of this hero , and against calypso , who detained him in an island far from ithaca . is this a beginning ? no ; doubtless 't is not . the reader would fain know why neptune is displeased with vlysses , and how this prince came to be with calypso . he has a mind to know how he came from troy thither . the poet answers his demands out of the mouth of vlysses himself , who relates these things , and begins the action by the recital of his travels from the city of troy. it signifies little whether the beginning of the action be the beginning of the poem , as we shall take notice in the following book , where we shall treat expresly of the order our poets have observed in their narrations . the beginning of this action then is that which happens to vlysses , when upon his leaving of troy he bends his course for ithaca . the middle comprehends all the misfortunes he endured , and all the disorders of his own government . the end is there instanting of this hero in the peaceable possession of his kingdom , where he discovers himself to his son , his wife , his father , and several others . the poet was sensible he should have ended ill , had he went no farther than the death of these princes , who were the rivals and enemies of vlysses , because the reader might have looked for some revenge which the subjects of these princes might have taken on him , who had kill'd their sovereigns : but this danger over , and these people vanquished and quieted , there was nothing more to be expected . the poem and the action have all their parts and no more . the order of the odysseis differs from that of the iliad , in that the poem does not begin with the beginning of the action . that of the aeneid is still more different , since the very end of the poem is not the end of the action of aeneis . but we shall say no more of this at present . the design of virgil is to conduct aeneas into italy , there to establish his gods and religion , and lay the foundations of the roman empire . there is this difference between the return of vlysses , and the voyage of aeneas , that no one ever questions why a man returns to his own country : though homer had made no mention of the natural affection he bore to his country , yet the readers would never have fell out with him for this omission . this is a well known cause ; 't is neither an action , of which one ought to make a narration , nor a thing which precedes this return . but aeneas acts contrary to this natural affection ; he abandons his own country , to go in search after a strange land. the reader then would have the poet tell him why this hero leaves troy. besides vlysses was born a king , but aeneas was not . so that the embarking of vlysses is sufficiently the beginning of the odysseïs : but the embarking of aeneas from troy , on board the admiral of a fleet of twenty sail ; cannot be the beginning of the action of aeneas . aeneas abandons troy , because it was taken by the greeks : and is king of the trojans , because priam was dead , and he elected in his room . but if the taking of troy be the consequence of a ten year's siege , should not this war have been related as the necessary cause of the taking and ruine thereof ? this is what the poet has admirably provided for by bringing it about , that neither the war , nor the long and tedious siege , should be the cause of the taking of this city . * therefore he says at first , that the greeks were worsted , that they utterly despaired of being masters of the city by any of those measures they had hitherto taken ; and that so many years spent in the war was but so much time lost . so that the taking of troy depends not upon any thing that went before . the greeks form another design , which is an exact beginning of an action ; for it supposes nothing before it . the poet gives it likewise the other qualification of a beginning , which is the requiring something after it . before ever the grecians became masters of the city , and before ever king priam was kill'd , aeneas is destin'd to re-establish a more noble religion , and a more illustrious empire elsewhere . wherefore the burning of troy is not an entire action , nor the downfall of an empire , but the cause and the first part of the alteration of a state ; and it requires a new establishment to succeed it . the shipping off of aeneas , his voyages , his battels , and all the obstacles he met with , compose a just middle ; they are a consequence of the destruction of troy , and of the choice they made of him to transport them into italy ; and these same incidents require an end. the end comprehends the death of amata , that of turnus , the change of juno's mind , and the terms of the peace , which contain'd all that aeneas pretended to for his establishment . but for the better judging of the vnity and integrity of the action ( of which we have already spoke ) we must add , that there are two sorts of designs : the first sort have no manner of consequence , but end with the action ; the others , beside the action , have likewise some necessary consequences : and in this last case these consequences must be related , if one would have the poem be as entire and as compleat as it ought to be . our poets furnish us with instances of both these designs . the anger and revenge of a man requires necessarily nothing more after it : when it is satisfied and over , all is at an end . when achilles was reveng'd , when he had receiv'd satisfaction for the affront put upon him , and when he was once quiet , a man never enquires what becomes of him afterwards . 't is the same case with the return of a prince into his own country : when he is come thither , has put an end to those disorders which his absence had caused , and enjoys peace again , the reader is satisfied . nor has homer made any episode that has transgressed these bounds . virgil's practice has been otherwise , because he undertook a design of another nature . the establishment of any state does of necessity draw great consequences after it . if the poet had taken them all for his action , it would have been of a monstrous extent , because the roman government was not fully settled till after the ruin of carthage , which had so long disputed with it for empire and liberty : and this very state arrived not to its grandeur and perfection till under augustus , who was its last , as aeneas was its first , founder . therefore virgil has not taken this for the matter of his poem ; but † he relates it by such recitals as homer makes use of in his odysseïs , when he tells us of the wound vlysses receiv'd on the top of parnassus . upon this account we observed , that the poet may relate such incidents as were necessary to the matter of his poem , but which notwithstanding were not the matter thereof . 't is thus that virgil practices in the machines , making jupiter in the first , and anchises in the sixth book , to make these prophetical recitals . there is something still more noble in the episode of dido , where by an allegory and a conduct , which one can never sufficiently admire , he brings into the body of his action all the succeeding history of carthage ; and this so naturally too , that one would think the poet should have made dido say and act , just as she did , though there had never been any quarrel between these two states , and though there had never been such a man as hannibal . chap. xii . of the causes of the action . an historian does not make his subject-matter himself , he speaks nothing but what he knows ; and in the conduct of a state , we often see effects , whose causes are never known . those who act in it , keep all things in private ; and the more they do so , the greater * politicians are they accounted . so that on one side the historian is obliged to declare all the causes he knows , because these circumstances are very instructive : but on the other hand , he is justly dispensed from relating several causes , because he cannot come to any knowledge of them . a poet has the same reasons to tell all the causes of his action , and he is likewise more oblig'd to it than an historian , since 't is more proper and essential for poetry to instruct , than 't is for history . but the poet has not the same reasons to excuse his omission of any cause whatever . he makes his matter himself , and if he takes any thing from history , 't is but so far as history suits thereto . he must feign whatever is not there , or else change what is not suited to his purpose . if 't is propose that some things may lie concealed from him , because no man can know every thing ; he then is instructed by the gods who do know every thing . virgil is my warrant in the case before us , † he invokes a deity , that he may come to the knowledge of the causes of his action : and he relates such things , as he could never know but by revelation ; since he says they happen'd to dido alone , and which she never made any one , no not so much as her sister , acquainted with . thus is the poet oblig'd to tell all the causes not only that he may instruct , as we hinted before , but likewise that he may please ; for without doubt this is very grateful . there are three sorts of causes ; some are more general and undetermin'd , such as the humours of any one ; for 't is upon humour that every one commonly regulates his conduct , and acts upon occasion . others are more precise , such as the interests of those that act. and lastly , there are others which are more immediate , such as the designs which one takes to promote or hinder any thing . these different causes of an action are likewise frequently the causes of one another : every one taking up those interests , which his humour engages him in , and forming such designs as his humour and interest prompt him to . the humours and the inclinations belong to the doctrine of the morals , which we shall treat of particularly in the fourth book . we only joyn them here to the two other causes we mention'd ; and of all three we affirm this in general , that the poet ought to inform his readers of them , and make them conspicuous in his principal personages , when he introduces them , or even before he makes them appear . homer has ingeniously begun his odysseïs with the transactions at ithaca during the absence of vlysses . if he had begun with the travels of his hero , he would scarce have spoken of any one else , and a man might have read a great deal of the poem without conceiving the least idea of telemachus , penelope , or her suitors , who had so great a share in the action . but in the beginning he has pitch'd upon , besides these personages , whom he discovers , he represents vlysses in his full length . and from the very first opening of the action , one sees the interest which the gods had therein . the skill and care of the same poet may be seen likewise in introducing his personages in the first book of his iliad ; where he discovers the humour , the interests , and the designs of agamemnon , achilles , nestor , vlysses , and several others , nay , and of the gods too . and in his second book he makes a review of the grecian and trojan armies ; which is full evidence , that all we have here said is very necessary . but lastly , since the epick poem is doubtless much longer than the dramatick ; and since 't is easier to manage the incidents and the presence of the personages in that than in the other : one is not obliged to introduce all of them at the beginning of the epopéa with as much exactness , as in the first act of a theatral piece , where at least one is obliged to give some item of all those who have any considerable part in the intrigue . i mention this upon the account of virgil's practice . he has been less exact than the greek poet ; for he says nothing of turnus , latinus , amata , and other italians , till the middle of his poem . but 't is true likewise , that he has so disposed his action as seems to justifie this delay . he has divided the aeneid into two parts more sensibly than homer has his iliad and odysseïs . he not only makes this division at the first , and in his proposition , by saying that * aeneas suffer'd much when he was toss'd about from this sea to that , and from one province to another ; and suffer'd also a great deal more in the wars he was engag'd in : but he likewise , when he begins his second part , advertises his reader of it , and † proposes the things he is about to mention , as all new , and quite of another make from the former . thus in the first book he introduces the principal personages of his first part ; and he only speaks of those , who were to appear afresh in the second part , in his sixth , seventh , and eighth books . and here , in my mind , he was less fortunate than the greek poet. besides these more general causes of the action and of the main intrigues ; there are still some incidents , and some episodes more particular , of which the poet must give an account . this happens commonly not in the beginning of the action , but only when the poet is about to make one of his lesser recitals . the reader could not guess , how the wound of vlysses came , which discover'd him to his friends ; not why camilla should be in love with war ; nor how it came to pass that aeneas met with several persons in the shades below , who were to come into the world many ages after , &c. therefore the poet must tell him the causes of all this . these causes must be good , and suitable to the subject . all the action of the iliad is founded upon the anger of achilles . the cause of this anger is the displeasure apollo conceiv'd against agamemnon ; because agamemnon likewise in his anger had affronted the priest of this god. all these passions have probable causes , and such as are suitable to the general subject of the trojan war. for as this general cause is heten's being ravish'd from menelaus ; so the other causes are of the same nature . chryseïs is ravish'd from her father , and briseïs from achilles . in short , all are stamp'd with the same character of injustice and violence in these heroes . if the hero be a man of probity , the causes of all his designs should be just and commendable , as those in the odysseïs and the aeneid : and the causes of the persecution he meets with , must not lessen the esteem which the poet would raise of his probity . neptune persecutes vlysses , because vlysses had blinded his son polypheme . but this monster had already devour'd six of the comerades of vlysses , and was just upon serving vlysses himself and the rest the same trick . aeneas makes a more particular profession of his piety , and accordingly virgil uses him more honourably . the causes juno had to persecute him , did either not touch his person , or else were much to his glory ; since the only one which concern'd him , was the choice which fate made of him to lay in italy the foundation of the empire of the world. * juno is so far from having any scornful or hateful thoughts for this hero's person , that she was willing to trust him with all that was most dear to her on earth , and make him lord over her own carthage . she could never have given a more considerable token of her love and esteem for any man. chap. xiii . of the intrigue , and the vnravelling thereof . in what was said about the causes of the action , one might have observ'd two opposite designs . the first and most principal is that of the hero : the second comprehends all their designs , that oppose the pretensions of the hero. these opposite causes produce likewise opposite effects ; viz. the endeavours of the hero for the accomplishing his design , and the endeavours of those who are against it . as these causes and designs are the beginning of the action ; so these contrary endeavours are the middle of it , and form a difficulty and intrigue , which makes up the greatest part of the poem . it lasts as long as the reader 's mind is in suspense about the event of these contrary endeavours . the solution or the vnravelling begins , when one begins to see the difficulty remov'd , and the doubts clear'd up . our poets have divided each of their three poems into two parts , and have put a particular intrigue , and the solution of it in each part. the first part of the iliad is the anger of achilles , who is for revenging himself upon agamemnon by the means of hector and the trojans . the intrigue comprehends the three days fight which happen'd in the absence of achilles : and it consists on one side in the resistance of agamemnon and the grecians ; and on the other , in the revengeful and inexorable humour of achilles , which would not suffer him to be reconcil'd . the loss of the grecians , and the despair of agamemnon , prepare for a solution by the satisfaction which the incens'd hero receiv'd from it . the death of patroclus joyn'd to the offers of agamemnon , which alone had proved ineffectual , remove this difficulty , and make the unravelling of the first part. this death is likewise the beginning of the second part ; since it puts achilles upon the design of revenging himself on hector . but the design of hector is opposite to that of achilles : this trojan hero is valiant , and resolved to stand in his own defence . this valour and resolution of hector , are on his account the cause of the intrigue . all the endeavours achilles used to meet with hector , and be the death of him ; and the contrary endeavours of the trojan to keep out of his reach and defend himself , are the intrigue : which comprehends the battel of the last day . the vnravelling begins at the death of hector ; and besides that , it contains the insulting of achilles over his body , the honours he paid to patroclus , and the intreaties of king priam. the regrets of this king , and the other trojans in the sorrowful obsequies they paid to hector's body end the vnravelling ; they justifie the satisfaction of achilles , and demonstrate his tranquillity . the first part of the odysseïs is the return of vlysses into ithaca . neptune opposes it by raising tempests , and this makes the intrigue . the vnravelling is the arrival of vlysses upon his own island , where neptune could offer him no farther injury . the second part , is the re-instating this hero in his own government . the princes , that are his rivals , oppose him , and this is a fresh intrigue . the solution thereof begins at their deaths , and is compleated as soon as the ithacans were appeased . these two parts in the odysseïs have not one common intrigue , as is to be observed in the two other poems . the anger of achilles forms both the intrigues in the iliad ; and it is so far the matter of this epopéa , that the very beginning and end of this poem depend on the beginning and end of this anger . but let the desire achilles had to revenge himself , and the desire vlysses had to return to his own country be never so near a-kin : yet we cannot place them under one and the same notion : for the love of vlysses is not a passion that begins and ends in the poem with the action ; 't is a natural habit , nor does the poet propose it for his subject , as he does the anger of achilles . virgil has divided his poem as homer did his odysseïs . the first part is the voyage and arrival of aeneas in italy ; the second is his establishment there . but he has connected these two great episodes better by giving them a common intrigue . he did not take for his first intrigue a deity , who could act no where but by sea , as neptune : but * makes choice of juno , the goddess of the air , who had an equal power over sea and land. she opposed the voyage of this hero , and 't is she likewise that opposes his settlement . this opposition then is the general intrigue of the whole action . the solution is over when † juno is appeas'd by jupiter . the principal intrigue of the first part , is the design of dido , and the endeavours she used to keep aeneas still at carthage . the complaints of iarbas , the orders mercury brought aeneas to be gone , and the re-fitting of the trojan fleet , are preparations for the vnravelling , which begins at the departure of aeneas , when he ‡ cut the cables which held his ships at anchor . dido might have done more mischief to aeneas , either by pursuing him as an enemy to be reveng'd on him , or by following him as his wife . and though she stay'd still at africk , whatever liberty men had in those days of putting away one wife and marrying another , yet the poet had made him too honest a man than to allow him two wives living at the same time . let cases stand how they would , yet aeneas had reason to be afraid of dido , and to apply the prophecy of sibyl to himself , * which said , that the cause of the misfortunes he was to suffer should be another foreign wife , that should entertain the trojans , and be ravish'd from another man's bed. upon this account she must needs die , and aeneas be certified of her death . so that this vnravelling is not compleat till the sixth book , † where aeneas meets with the ghost of this unhappy queen in the shades below . the intrigue of the second part is form'd out of the love and ambition of turnus , who was countenanc'd by the authority and passion of the queen amata . the articles of peace which are propos'd in the eleventh book , and which are sworn to in the twelfth , prepare for the vnravelling . the death of amata begins , and the death of turnus finishes it . after what has been said of the principal intrigues , the rest are easily discern'd : there are almost as many as there are great and small episodes . chap. xiv . the way of forming the plot or intrigue . we have already observ'd what is meant by the intrigue , and the vnravelling thereof ; let us now say something of the manner of forming both : and this we shall meet with in the practice of our poets ; which tells us that these two things should arise naturally out of the very essence and subject of the poem , and that they are to be deduced thence . their conduct is so exact and natural , that it seems as if their action had presented them with whatever they inserted therein , without putting themselves to the trouble of a farther enquiry . what is more usual and proper among warriours , than anger , heat , passion , and impatience of bearing the least affronts and disrespects ? this is what forms the intrigue of the iliad : and every thing we read there , is nothing else but the effect of this humour , and these passions . what more natural and usual obstacle do they who take voyages meet with than the sea , the winds , and the storms ? homer makes this the intrigue of the first part of the odysseïs : and for the second , he makes use of the almost infallible effect of the long absence of a master , whose return is quite despair'd of ; viz. the insolence of his servants and neighbours ; the danger his son and wife were in ; and the sequestration of his estate . besides , an absence of almost years , and the insupportable fatigues joyn'd to the age vlysses was then of , might induce him to believe that he should not be own'd by those that thought him dead , and whose interest it was to have him be really so . therefore if he had presently declar'd who he was , and had call'd himself vlysses , they would easily have made away with him as an impostor , before he had had opportunity to make himself known to them . there could be nothing more natural , nor more necessary , than this ingenious disguise , to which the advantages which his enemies had taken of his absence had reduc'd him , and to which his long misfortunes had inur'd him . this allow'd him an opportunity , without hazarding any thing , of taking the best measures he could against those persons who could not so much as mistrust any harm from him . this way then was afforded him by the very nature of his action , that he might execute his designs , and overcome the mighty obstacles it presented him with : and 't is this contest between the prudence and the dissimulation of a single man on one hand , and the ungovernable insolence of so many rivals on the other , which makes up the intrigue of the second part of the odysseïs . the conduct of the latin poet , in the intrigues he forms , has the same simplicity . the tempests are made use of in the first part of the aeneid , just as in the odysseïs . in this very part of the aeneid , virgil suits himself to the humour of his hero , as homer does himself to the humour of achilles . he ( achilles i mean ) was testy and passionate , agamemnon provokes him by very sensible affronts . aeneas was of a soft disposition ; the poet makes use of good turns , kind treats , and the most melting , most endearing passions , to engage him to stay at carthage . in the second part , the oppositions of turnus and mezentius are no less exact . for love and respect oblig'd aeneas , not to abandon a queen to whom he ow'd so much ; and these oppos'd his embarking for italy : and the impiety of turnus and mezentius was an obstacle to the establishment of the gods and religion at that place . in fine , the love turnus had for lavinia , and the esteem amata had for this italian hero above aeneas , are likewise other natural obstacles , derived from the very subject ; since amata was oblig'd to prefer her relation to an unknown stranger ; and such an accomplish'd princess as lavinia , who was sole heiress to a kingdom , could not but have her suitors . besides , we observed that homer made use of the anger of apollo , and that of agamemnon , to stir up the same passion in achilles ; and that the cause of the war , and the cause of these passions , are the ravishment of three women . virgil forms his general intrigue after the same manner : he opposes to the establishing of a kingdom in italy , the establishing of another kingdom in africk . this opposition is suited to policy in general , and to the roman history in particular . * rome in its infancy sees all her neighbours conspiring against her ; for new governments cast always a shade upon the old ones . but in these intrigues of the aeneid , there are a great many other circumstances , wherein virgil makes allegories and allusions so correspondent to history and truth , that without bating any thing of his quality as poet , he seems to merit likewise that of an historian . a man may see in the persons of aeneas and dido the very spirit and conduct of two great empires , of which they are founders . there one may observe the greatest obstacle the romans ever met with : and this great intrigue in the fable is a truth in history . was it only fiction , that there was a design of translating in africk the empire of the world , which was destin'd for italy ? and the means used to accomplish that end , was it not that treachery with which the romans have always upbraided the carthaginians ? dido casts this reproach upon her self ; and * makes the application thereof to hannibal and the carthaginians ; ordering them to make use of it always against the romans , and to violate their most solemn treaties , as oft as they suppos'd they could do it to their own advantage . this is the genius and conduct she inspires her commonwealth with . mercury likewise advises the founder of rome not to trust to the inconstancy of this woman , which was like the inconstancy of her city . and when juno made the proposal to venus of an alliance between these two states , venus saw well enough 't was only a trick of dissimulation , to which her present interests compell'd her to condescend . but i am too minute in a general treatise of the epick poem . we end all with saying , that the event is the same both in the history and the poem . † 't is dido's breach of faith that had almost ruin'd aeneas , and which at last became the ruin of this foundress of carthage . 't was this very same perfidiousness in hannibal that brought rome into so much danger , and was at last the ruin of hannibal and his city . i shall conclude this chapter with the three methods of forming the plot or intrigue of the poem . one is , to deduce it from the design of the hero and the action , which we have already taken notice of . the second is , to deduce it from the fable and the design of the poet ; and this is what we observ'd in the allegory of two opposite persons and two opposite empires . the third is to form the intrigue so , as that the vnravelling may be prepar'd for it . i have said nothing as yet of this third way , and shall explain it by some instances . 't is worth taking notice , how the poet prepares the departure of aeneas from dido . the hero does not come designedly into africk , but is forced thither against his will by a storm . he accepts not the offer ‡ dido made him of her city , if he would stay there : * and in the marriage it self he takes care to engage himself to nothing that might hinder him from making a voyage into italy by the first fair wind. all these precautions prepare the reader , that so without the least surprize he sees aeneas leave carthage : this is the vnravelling of that intrigue . in the second part the poet opposes none against his hero , but such persons as he could deal well enough with , when a peace was clap'd up . king latinus was to be his father-in-law , lavinia his wife , and the latins his subjects . it would have been hard for all these persons to have become such upon his account , after they had been his profess'd enemies . the poet has provided for that too . in lavinia there is not to be observ'd either an inclination for turnus , or an aversion to aeneas : * the king profers this princess his daughter to the hero as an article of the peace , and constantly persists in this design : the latins only fight against aeneas because they are forc'd to it . their legates give such ample testimonies of their love and esteem for him , † that they declared , they should think it an honour to build the city for him which he demanded in italy . the poet then opposes none against him but amata and turnus , who both perished by their own faults . juno indeed could not die ; but she is well enough disposed of , by insinuating that all she hopes for , is not absolutely to hinder the establishment of aeneas ( for that she confessed she could not do ) : * but only to put a stop to it a little , and make the trojans and italians pay very dear for it . thus , having accomplished these two designs , 't was no hard matter for jupiter to chear up her spirits , and make her consent to the rest . chap. xv. how to dispose , or prepare the vnravelling . if the plot or intrigue must be natural , and such as springs from the very subject , as has been already urg'd : then the winding up of the plot , by a more sure claim , must have this qualification , and be a probable consequence of all that went before . as the readers regard this more than the rest , so should the poet be so much the more exact therein . this is the end of the poem , and the last impression that is like to be stamp'd upon them , and which either leaves them in the satisfaction they fought after , or in such a dissatisfied temper , as endangers the reputation of the author . let us now see the instances homer and virgil have left us of this practice . the vnravelling of the plots of the iliad is the cessation of the anger of achilles , who was incensed at first against agamemnon , and lastly against hector . there is nothing but what is natural in the appeasing of this anger . the absence of achilles is the reason why the greeks are worsted by the trojans . he absented himself on purpose , and 't was a pleasure to him to see the loss they underwent ; that so he might be reveng'd on agamemnon , who was the only person , that had affronted him . among the wounded he believes he sees one of his friends . for his better satisfaction therein , he sends thither his dear patroclus . but this favourite of achilles had not the same passions with him . he could not but be extremely concern'd at the miserable condition his allies were reduc'd to by the common enemy . these unfortunate princes , who had done achilles no wrong , importune patroclus to work him into a better temper ; and to persuade him not to suffer they should be so unworthily us'd any longer , since he could defend them from the disgrace . patroclus prevails upon achilles to lend him his men and armour , and under this appearance beats back the enemy . it is likewise natural that this young hero , intoxicated with so glorious a success , should push on his victory farther than achilles had order'd him , and so force hector to fight with and kill him . but shall achilles endure , that so near and dear a friend should be butcher'd before his face , and in his armour too , without revenging the deed ? that can never be . so then the death of patroclus is the cause why achilles , who is otherwise well enough satisfied and revenged upon agamemnon , should be now reconcil'd to him , and accept of his submission , his presents , and the oath he made that he had never to do with briseïs . this first intrigue then is naturally unravell'd . the second could not be brought about by a reconciliation with hector . it was not in this trojan prince's power to restore patroclus , as agamemnon had briseïs . nothing but hector's death could be a satisfaction for that of patroclus . 't is by this that achilles begins his revenge . besides , the many indignities which he offered to the body of this innocent homocide , and the great honours he paid to that of his friend , must needs naturally mollifie his grief , and asswage his passion . to conclude , as agamemnon repented , and wholly submitted to what he pleas'd ; so likewise we find king priam prostrate at his feet in as miserable a condition as a father could be , that takes on for the death of his son. so that there is nothing in the pacified anger of achilles , and in the winding up of the plots of the iliad , but what naturally arises from the subject and the very action . we shall find the same in the odysseïs . vlysses by a tempest is cast upon the island of the phaeacans , to whom he discovers himself , and desires they would further his return to his own country , which was not very far from thence . one cannot see any reason why the king of this island should refuse such a reasonable request to a hero whom he seems to have in great esteem . the phaeacans had heard him tell the story of his adventures : in this fabulous recital consists all the advantage they could derive from his presence ; for the art of war which they admir'd in him , his undauntedness under dangers , his indefatigable patience , and such like vertues , were such as these islanders were not used to . all their talent lay in singing and dancing , and whatsoever a soft and quiet life esteem'd charming . and here we see how dextrously homer prepares the incidents he makes use of . these people could do no less for the account vlysses had given them of his life , and with which he had ingeniously entertain'd them , than conduct him home by furnishing him with shipping which would stand them in little or nothing . when he came home , his long absence , and the travels which had disfigur'd him , made him altogether unknown ; and the danger he would have incurr'd , had he discover'd himself too soon , forc'd him to a disguise , as we hinted before . lastly , this disguise gave him an opportunity of surprizing those young gallants , who for several years together had been only us'd to sleep well , and fare daintily . in the latin poet , all the hinderance aeneas met with was from turnus . the turbulent spirit of this rival drew out the italians to fight the trojans , and cost our hero as many subjects , as there were souldiers slain in both parties ; since he was already king of the one , and within a while was to be king of the other . what is to be done then in this case by a prince so valiant as aeneas , and so affectionate and tender towards his subjects ? * is it not the most natural thing in the world , that he should declare he was ready to put a stop to the quarrel turnus had caused , by fighting singly with him ? † turnus for his part sees the latins vanquish'd and dejected ; he is sensible of the reproaches they cast upon him for having exposed them in his quarrel , and not daring to answer the demands of aeneas . can he shift off the challenge aeneas had sent him ? by this means the duel and the vnravelling of all the action happens naturally , and is as it were a necessary consequence of the disposition of the fable . these are the examples our poets have left us of aristotle's rules . * he teaches us that whatever concludes the poem , should so arise from the constitution of the fable , as if 't were a necessary or at least a probable consequence of all that went before . chap. xvi . of the several sorts of actions . the several effects which the vnravelling of the plot produces , and the different states to which it reduces the persons , divide the actions into so many sorts . the vnravelling of the intrigue may be by changing of any one's fortune from good to bad , as that of oedipus ; or from bad to good , as that of cinna . oedipus seems to be innocent ; and in the very moment he thought himself master of two kingdoms , he finds himself guilty of incest and parricide , and becomes miserable , blind , and an exile . cinna , on the other hand , is condemn'd , and look's for nothing else but a cruel punishment ; and contrary to his expectation he is freed from death , restablish'd in his preferments , and made master of aemylia . sometimes these two contrary turns of fortune happen in one and the same action , as in heraclius . phocas is dethron'd , when he thought himself settled in a sure post : and heraclius steps into the place of the tyrant who was gone to visit the other world. but let this turn be what it will , double or single , fortunate or unfortunate , 't is still call'd a peripetia . sometimes it happens by the discovery of one or more persons , which till then were unknown , as in oedipus and heraclius : sometimes without any discovery , as in cinna . but let the matter end which way it will , whether it be a peripetia without a discovery , or a discovery without a peripetia , or both together ; this makes a sort of action which we call implex or mix'd . but if the vnravelling be without a discovery , and without a peripetia ; if it be a simple passing from trouble and action , to quiet and repose , then these actions and fables are call'd single ones . sometimes likewise by a sub-division of the fables wherein is a peripetia , aristotle has call'd those single , where the peripetia is single , and only of one sort , as in cinna : and those double , where the peripetia is double , as in heraclius . according to this last division , the fable of the odysseïs is double , because the vnravelling of the intrigue makes vlysses and his party pass from a miserable to an honourable state ; and casts his rivals from their merriments to a shameful death . * this action then is likewise implex . 't is not only unravell'd by this double peripetia , but likewise by the discovery of ulysses . there is neither a discovery nor a peripetia in the iliad . two generals of the same party fall out , and then agree , after they had both suffered considerable losses : achilles loses his friend patroclus , and agamemnon his glory and authority : he is vanquish'd by the trojans , and forc'd to submit to his inferiour achilles , to acknowledge his fault , and to give him satisfaction . in the second part , too enemies fight , and he who was the weakest and knew himself so , is at last vanquish'd and kill'd . this action then is wholly single . there is no more complexedness in the plots of the aeneid , than in those of the iliad . dido , who came to so miserable a death , was not more fortunate before that catastrophe . her love for aeneas fills her at first with trouble and disquiet . her marriage increases both , and adds thereto the dismal fear , whereby she foresaw her loss , and all the horrors of her death . * if she had any good fortune when she reveng'd her first husband , punish'd the treachery of her brother , and was established so gloriously , all this happen'd before the trojans arriv'd at carthage : and by consequence having nothing to do with the action , could not make a peripetia . nothing pass'd between aeneas and turnus , that is more complex'd , than that which happen'd in the quarrel between achilles and hector . so that the action of the aeneid is altogether simple , without a peripetia or a discovery . not that the aeneid is absolutely without a peripetia ; there are some in the lesser episodes . in the fighting with whirl-bats , entellus is knock'd down at the feet of his antagonist ; ev'ry one looked upon him as vanquish'd , and dares began to triumph . but when rage had restored this old combatant the force which age had robb'd him of , on a sudden he leaps up , and dares found himself so over-match'd , and so confounded , that he could not make the least resistance . but the quality of these episodes make nothing against the entire action . the fable , properly speaking , is only complex when the peripetia or discovery happens in the main vnravelling , which is the end of the action . i shall not stay here to enumerate all the sorts of discoveries aristotle has mention'd . there is none in the aeneid , for the sake of which i chiefly write : and elsewhere this subject is commonly handled in the rules men lay down for the dramatic poem , where is the most occasion for them . but i cannot omit the conclusion of the action ; 't is a consequence of the vnravelling , and a part or a necessary qualification of the integrity of the poem . chap. xvii . of the conclusion of the action . that which we call here the conclusion of the epick action is the very last passage from agitation and trouble , to quiet and repose : so that there is a great deal of difference between the vnravelling and the conclusion of an action . this last is nothing else but a kind of moment without extent and duration : but the first is of some length , since it comprehends all that happens after the plot. besides , there are a great many vnravellings in a poem , because there are a great many intrigues : all that are before the last make no kind of cessation , but start up new difficulties , which is quite contrary to the conclusion . the conclusion then is the end of the last vnravelling , so that there can be no more than one. this doctrine is a consequence of that which we laid down concerning episodes . none of them , as we urg'd , should be entire ; and only the last can be regularly finish'd . a great many conclusions then is no where to be found but in episodical poems , as in the thebaid of statius , where he has finish'd the story of hypsipyle . but now for some better instances in the practice of our two poets . the first part of virgil's poem is the voyage of aeneas from troy to italy . the plot is the difficulty of getting thither , and the opposition of juno who raises storms , and other obstaoles against him . the vnravelling begins at the last voyage of the hero from sicily ( which he leaves in the fifth book ) to italy and the mouth of tyber , where he arrives in the sixth and seventh book . this vnravelling * puts an end to the labours and hazards of the voyage . but does it put an end to all the troubles and dangers of aeneas ? no : † on the contrary it casts him upon greater . it leaves him not in repose , but puts him upon more action and more business than ever he had before . and therefore 't is not the conclusion . the conclusion is not always joyn'd to the solution of that intrigue which seems to be most general , as was the design of juno in the aeneid . this goddess gives over acting , but aeneas does not . he has still turnus to deal withal . in a word , since the poet does not sing the action of juno , but of aeneas , the poem and the action remain still unfinish'd , even when this divine enemy has given over . all the conclusion then is included in the death of turnus , because that puts an end to the action of aeneas . 't is true that even then aeneas had not quite executed his designs , he had not built his city , nor established his religion , nor married lavinia . but it must be observ'd that these things are not necessary . 't is enough that all obstacles were remov'd , and that the reader be no longer in doubt of what follows . and this is the case of the aeneid . in this particular it is very compleat , and needs no supplement . if one instance is not enough to justifie this doctrine , we can have recourse to the theatre . marriage is very commonly the very end of dramatick poems : and yet that is not always perform'd before the spectators . the actors step in to perform this ceremony within doors : no body expects they should come out again upon the stage ; or that they should tell the audience of it , as † plautus has done in one of his plays , more to make people laugh , than because he was forc'd to it . homer has concluded his odysseis by the league which pallas makes between vlysses and his neighbours . and yet he does not make it appear by the continuation of the poem , whether the articles were faithfully kept or no. he has not us'd the same method in the iliad . the observation of the truce depended upon achilles . the poet had good reason to presume that all his readers were not persuaded of the moderation of so passionate a man. it was a business of the highest importance for the conclusion of this action to convince them that his anger was appeas'd . this hero in the whole series of the poem had appeared so testy , unreasonable and unjust , that thô the poet's precaution was very great and exact , yet one might distrust this extravagant humour , as long as the body of his enemy was in a condition of being insulted over . they were then ready to bestow such honours upon this corps , as one might fear would put our hero into a passion . so that the poet thought himself oblig'd to carry on the funeral and the observation of the truce to the very end of his poem : that so he might absolutely convince us of his tranquillity and repose , whose action and anger he had undertook to sing . after having observed what the conclusion of the action is , and when it ought to be made , there remains still a third question behind . and that is to know whether the conclusion ought to leave the hero in a happy state , or whether 't is allowable to leave him in a miserable condition . our poets have not given us any examples of a hero , that is left in a miserable and forlorn condition . sad conclusions are proper for tragedy : but in that they were more in vogue formerly . than they are now a days : because in the popular states of greece , where monarchy was odious , nothing was heard with greater pleasure and ardency than the misfortunes of kings . aristotle has still another reason for preferring this kind of catastrophe to a more happy one . the tragical scene is the throne of the passions , where terror and compassion ought to rule over all the rest . now these two passions arise naturally from sad events : and the spectators going from the theatre with their minds full of the misfortunes they were eye-witnesses of , do doubtlesly preserve their tenderness a great deal longer , and resent more such forcible effects , than if their tears were dryed up , and their sighs abated by the satisfaction of a more prosperous catastrophe . but these reasons will not serve for the epopéa , since 't is not so much for refining the passions , as for making men put off ill habits , and put on good ones . 't is likewise as true , that this does not exclude sad events . besides the nature of the fable is as capable of good as bad persons for its chief actors . the sad adventure of the lamb unjustly butcher'd by the wolf is as just , as instructive , and as regular a subject , as the generosity of the elephant , who quitted his anger upon the innocence of the same lamb. 't is true if the poets in the person of their hero proposed an example of perfection for imitation , the misfortunes into which this hero falls , and his unsuccessful enterprizes , would suit very ill with the designs of these authors . but the practice of homer in his iliad , and the approbation given him by aristotle and horace for the same , will not permit us to think that the design of the epopéa should be to give us these fine ideas of a perfect hero. these three great men did certainly never pretend that achilles , the hero of the fable , was a model of vertue . we cannot then from any of these principles determine any thing concerning the fortunate or unfortunate end of an epick action . but if any heed be to be given to authority , i do not know any one instance of a poet , who finishes his piece with the misfortune of his hero. our three poems afford us quite contrary instances ; and statius himself has quite spoil'd the vnity of his action , because he would not leave upon the minds of his readers that miserable fratricide , which was the true conclusion of it . so that all the poets seem to conspire for a happy catastrophe . in a word , since the epick poem's action is of a larger extent than that of the theatre ; it would perhaps be less satisfactory to the readers , if , after so much pains and so long troubles with which this kind of poem is always fill'd , it should at last bring them to a doleful and unhappy end . achilles as unjust and violent as he was , yet in his valour shew'd such an air of greatness , which dazles our sight , and will not let us see his faults so , as to wish him any greater punishment than what he suffer'd by the death of his friend . in speaking of the fable , i hinted upon what account the iliad should end thus , because it redounded more to the happiness and the glory of the grecians . virgil had the same reason to please his audience . the romans would have been disgusted and offended , if he had ill used their founder and ancestors : and besides in the odysseïs and the aeneid the poets would have been unjust , and the readers dissatisfied , if such brave princes and such noble souls as vlysses and aeneas had been suffer'd to sink under any misfortune . achilles , who fell far short of their vertue , was likewise but little less fortunate . let the case be how it will , yet i fansie there needs a great deal of skill to give the hero of the epopéa a sad and mournfull end , which might be received with a general applause . this is what we had to say concerning the integrity of the epick action . there remain still two of its qualifications behind , its duration , and it's importance : of each of which briefly . chap. xviii . of the duration of the action . the time of the epick action is not so limited as that of the theatre . * this last ( says aristotle ) should takeup as much time , as the sun does in going about the earth , or thereabouts . but the epopéa has no fixed time , and in that it differs from the dramatick poem . these are all the rules he has left us upon this head . they consist in two things : the first , that the epick action is longer than the dramatick ; and , secondly , that the epick actions may be some longer than others . the first is a comparison between the epopéa and the drama : concerning which we say that an uninterrupted duration is a great deal more necessary in an action , which one sees and are present at ; than in one which we read , or only hear repeated . it is not natural to imagine one can spend days and nights without sleeping , eating and drinking , purely to mind the event of things ; and that , without moving out of the place , one can be conveyed to several places : and hence arises the vnity of time and place so necessary to the drama . but neither of these two vnities is necessary to the epick poem , because we read it as an history which we may leave off when we please . besides , tragedy being full of passions , and consequently full of such a violence as cannot last long , requires a shorter time ; and the epick poem requires a longer time for to give leisure to the habits , if good , to sink deep into the minds and souls of the readers ; or to be rooted thence , if bad . these two reasons constitute the difference between the epick and the dramatick action , as to their duration . but the difficulty is to know how long these actions of the epopéa should last ; and , whether , since as aristotle says they are unlimited , this does not cause some difference between the actions of the same kind . all we can do in the case , is to lay down the practice of our poets , and to make such reflexions therein , as aristotle has given us liberty to make . this philosopher says , whatsoever is violent cannot last long ; and , in his poesie he tells us , that the manners of the personages are either * violent and strong , or calm , sedate and soft . the first cannot last so long as the other . a man can be good humour'd , peaceable , and prudent all his life-long , and no body will find fault with it : but one would wonder to see him keep up his anger , and be in a violent agitation of body and mind all that time . and though this long train of passions were probable ; yet it would not be necessary in a poem that is designed to root out , or plant in habits : since the habits are sooner received and impressed by violent actions , than by such as are gentle and moderate . we ought to conclude then , that the more violence any action has , the less time it ought to last . this is what we see in the practice of our poets . the * iliad contains not only the anger and passion of achilles , but likewise of the kings and people that are the personages of it . the poet allows this action seven and forty days only . nor is this little time designed all for the anger of achilles , though the most principal and the most violent . we must substract at one end the nine days of the plague , which were before his quarrel with agamemnon : and at the other , the eleven days of the truce which he granted to king priam. besides , these seven and twenty days of anger are not all spent in the action . the eleven first are allowed for the curing and recovery of the grecians ; and the eleven last for the funeral-pomp which achilles bestowed on the body of patroclus . so that the fight begins and ends in five days time . nor does the fight last all the time ; but on the second day there was a cessation of arms for burning the dead on both sides . to conclude , achilles , the chief hero of the poem , and the very life of all the violence that reigns there ; he , i say , who being transported with it more than the rest , ought likewise to continue in this excess less time , fought only one day . by this means all the poem founded upon violence lasts but a little while : and the duration of that which was most violent is judiciously retrenched by the poet. the design of the odysseïs is quite different from that of the iliad ; so likewise is the management of it , as to its duration . the character of the hero is prudence and wisdom . and this moderation gives the poet liberty to extend his action to as long a time as he pleases , and his political instructions required . therefore he did not allow this action some weeks as he had that of the iliad ; but he takes up eight years and a half , from the taking of troy , at which it begins , to the peace of ithaca , where it ends . the aeneid is like the odysseïs . the * character of the hero is piety and meekness : and politicks are likewise essential thereto . therefore the duration of the action is continued after the same manner . the poet makes the recital thereof begin at the building of the wooden horse , just before the taking of troy. this city was taken a great while before the beginning of summer , so that aeneas had time enough to fit out a fleet. † he quits troy at the beginning of the first summer : * arrives at sicily by the end of the seventh , and immediately after comes to italy , where his action continues one or two months longer to the death of turnus . all this makes up a little more than six years and a half , and not quite seven . this is the duration of the action of the aeneid . there is still another way of reckoning the time of the epick poem . 't is to compute only what the poet himself relates . by this means the odysseïs begins at the first meeting of the gods ; and the aeneid , at that time when the storm cast the trojans upon carthage . as for all that went before , we only reckon so much time as was requisite for vlysses and aeneas to make the narration of their adventures in , viz. a night . this way of computing the time , reduces the action of several years into the space of a few months , and this computation is no less necessary than the other . but because this belongs rather to the narration than the action , we reserve it for the ensuing book . here we only regard the duration of the action , as being the matter of the poem . for this reason we reckon not the incidents which are added thereto : such as the wound of vlysses upon parnassus , and the sequel of the italian history from aeneas down to augustus caesar's reign . 't is enough that we have shown the duration of the actions of the iliad , the odysseïs , and the aeneid , and the difference between them ; which is so great even in homer , that one of his actions contains less than two months , and the other more than eight years . chap. xix . of the importance of the action . the epick poet cannot insinuate himself into the mind of his hearers by the diversions of comedy ; nor by the force and vivacity of tragedy . let him use never so much artifice to seize upon a passion , yet if one compares his recitals with the action of the theatre , one may apply thereto what horace says : that the soul is less affected † with what it hears , than with what it sees . so that besides the reasons drawn from the nature of these poems , we may likewise from hence conclude , that the epick poet lies under a greater obligion than the dramatick , of surprizing the minds of his readers by admiration , and by the importance of the things he treats of ; and of taking for his subject a great , noble , and important action . aristotle requires this grandeur , and this lustre in the epick action , * and says that the epopéa and tragedy do both imitate whatever is most noble and important . but the action may be important two ways : either of its self independently from him that executes it ; or by the quality of the persons , the poet is pleased to make use of . horace excludes mean personages , and would have them be crowned heads : but neither he nor aristotle says any thing to shew that the action in its own nature ought to be great and important . and in truth they could not require this qualification without condemning the poet , that in their opinion is the least to blame of any in the world , and without rejecting the model they proposed . if one considers the two actions of homer without the names and their episodes , as aristotle would have them be prepared at first , one shall find nothing in them but what is common , and which requires no higher qualities , than those a merchant , a burgomaster , or at most a plain country-squire is capable of . you need only reflect upon the two models we have given of them , one of which aristotle himself drew . one shall find nothing there but what might have happened to ordinary persons . 't is this , a man returns to his own country , and finds a great many disorders in his family . two others fall out about a captive wench , and break the neck of their affairs . this teaches us that to make action important , 't is enough that it be the action of noble and important persons . 't is true , horace makes mention of wars : but there is no need for them , 't is only by accident that they are in the poem . i might urge , that this is only upon the account of the hero who ought to be a warrior , such as achilles , vlysses , and aeneas . homer , who is cited by horace in this point , shall testifie it . there is so little war in the odysseïs , that there is not the least colour to think horace meant to affirm that wars were the subject matter , or a considerable part thereof . the poet mentions but three rencounters , that of the ciconians , that of the lestrygons , and that of some ithacans , who were for revenging of their masters , whom vlysses had murdered at his house . the recitals of these three battles , if a man may call these adventures so , are made in less than forty verses in all . but however 't is , yet the return of a man to his own home , and the quarrel of two others , that have nothing that is great in themselves , become noble and important actions ; when , in the choice of the names , the poet tells us that 't is vlysses , who returns back into ithaca ; and that 't is achilles and agamemnon , who fall out with one another at the famous siege of troy. 't is then these affairs become matters of state. but there are actions that of themselves are very important , such as the establishing , or the downfall , of a state or a religion . such then is the action of the aeneid . there can nothing be imagined more great , noble , and august , since it comprehends both the civil state and religion . there is yet another way of making an action great , by the grandeur of the personages under whose names we represent it . this way is to give a higher idea of these personages than that which the readers conceive of all they know to be great . this is performed by comparing the men of the poem , with the men of the present time in which the poet writes . homer says that two men of his time could not carry the stone , which diomedes with ease threw at aeneas ; and virgil says that the stone turnus flung at the same aeneas , would have been too heavy a burden for twelve men in the time of augustus . in short , according to homer's account , who lived one or two ages after aeneas , and who pretends that men's strength was abated to a moiety of what it was before , this same strength may well be reduced to the pitch virgil would have it ten ages after . 't is by this means these two poets were willing to render the subjects of their poems more great and august by the strength and grandeur of their personages , and by these great ideas which they super-added to those which the men of their times conceived . this very reason obliged them not to represent their heroes superior to those of former ages : but the probable diminution from age to age , as they supposed , ought on the contrary to give the fathers the preference over their children . homer makes no difficulty of it ; and * nestor who had lived two ages already , says without any complement to the princes of the iliad , that they fell short of their fore-fathers . † virgil also says , that the times of itus and assaracus were better than those in which his hero lived . it seems statius had the same mind to represent the strength of his heroes , as far surpassing that of homer's and virgil's heroes , though in truth the heroes of the one were only the children of the heroes of the other two ; so prodigious are the actions he would attribute to some . but 't is more likely , that herein his whole aim was to amplifie to a prodigy whatsoever he handled . for if by this extraordinary strength he had a mind to heighten the grandeur and importance of his action , he forgot himself in several places , and has done something worse than sleep , when he debased it so much in his first book . 't is there , where to shew the baseness and poverty of the kingdom of thebes , he compares it to the power and riches of the greatest empires that have flourish'd since . is it not pleasant in him to declaim himself against the design he bestows upon his heroes , and to ridicule the great labour he puts them upon for a wretched and pitiful kingdom ? † 't is for a sordid kingdom that they strive . how ill an imitation is this of virgil's epiphonema , which gives us so lofty and so just an idea of the importance of his subject : * so vast a thing it was to found the roman state ! the end of the second book . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book iii. concerning the form of the epick poem , or concerning the narration . chap. i. of the parts of the narration . there are two ways of relating an action that is past : the one is simple and historical , when a man makes the rehearsal of it to his audience without forcing their imagination , only leaving them under a sense that they are reading a book , or hearing something or other related . the other is more artificial , where the author makes no appearance , nor says any thing of himself . but , by a kind of innocent magick , he raises from the dead , and brings upon the stage , those very persons who have done the action he would represent . he makes them speak and act over again the same words and actions they spoke and did before , and in some sort transports his auditors to the times when , and the places where the action was done . by this means he does not declare it to them after a plain , simple way , as the historian , but makes them witnesses of it , and the action becomes its own discoverer . the actions which poets imitate , are such things as are in an equal degree capable of two forms , each of which constitute a different species . such as fall under the most artificial and active form are call'd dramatick poems , denoting their nature by their * title ; and such as are represented by the poet only , who speaks therein as an historian , are for that very reason call'd † epick poems , or epopéa's . whatsoever regard the dramatick poet has to his spectators , yet the persons he introduces in his poem , who are the only actors therein , are not in the least acquainted with those before whom the poet makes them speak : nay more , they don't know what they shall do themselves , nor what the issue of their projects will be ; and therefore they cannot either advertise the spectators thereof , or beg their attention , or thank them for it . so that this kind of poem , properly speaking , has no parts exempt from the action that is represented . this alone makes the comedy and tragedy entire and perfect , such i mean as are in use now-a-days ; that is , without prologue , epilogue , and those other appendages , which being lost , or left to the choice of the poet , have alter'd nothing of the nature and integrity of the poem . when they are made use of , ‡ they have nothing to do with the tragedy and action , since they are not made by the actors . but in the epick poem , where the poet speaks , he says nothing but what is a part of the poem . so likewise an orator not only alledges his reasons , and refutes those of the adverse party ; but besides that , prepares his auditors , begs their attention , and at last raises the passions that are proper to his cause . nothing of all this is look'd upon as foreign to his subject : the exordium , proposition , and peroration , are true parts of it , though less necessary than the narration and the confirmation . 't is just the same in the epopéa . before the poet begins the large recital of his action , he proposes it in general , and invokes the gods that are to inspire him . this makes up three parts that have been always look'd upon as necessary , viz. the proposition , the invocation , and the narration . we may add to them a fourth , which is no less necessary , nor less usual ; and that is , the title or inscription of the poem . there are several others , which signifie nothing to the integrity of the epick poem . there is a preface before the aeneid , which they say was made against the plagiaries , who might have transcrib'd this poem , and have had the credit of it to virgil's prejudice . it is contain'd in the following verses , where he speaks of his other works . ille ego , qui quondam gracili modulatus avenâ carmen , & egressus sylvis , vicina coegi , vt quamvis avido parerent arva colono ; gratum opus agricolis : at nunc horrentia martis .... i question whether these verses are proper for a beginning , where the reader 's mind , not being as yet in a heat , requires something more mild and just , than in the sequel , where 't is easily transported . in my mind , the last of these four verses seems unworthy of this great poet. all that needed be said , was sufficiently exprest in the three first . the other parts are a dedication , to flatter some great man or other , and an epilogue for the conclusion of the poem . virgil made use of these two parts in his georgicks . * he begins with the proposition , where he just mentions maecenas , to whom he delicates this piece , but says never a word in his praise . † after this he makes an invocation , wherein he addresses himself to all the gods that presided over agriculture : and then he flatters ‡ augustus , joyning him with the gods he invokes . * afterwards he enters upon his subject , and begins to treat at large of agriculture . this part is the body of the poem , as the narration in the epopéa . † lastly , after he had finish'd his treatise in four books , he ends with an epilogue design'd against the plagiaries , as the preface of the aeneid is ; but with an air so different , that these verses seem to be produc'd by another sort of genius . this is what he has done in his georgicks . but neither he nor homer , in their epick poems , have made use of any of these unnecessary parts ; so that i shall say nothing more about them . i will now speak particularly to the other four . . of the inscription or title of the poem . . of the proposition . . of the invocation . . and lastly , of the body of the poem , and the narration properly so call'd . chap. ii. of the title of the epick poem . we here examine things upon the principles we laid down in speaking concerning the nature of the epick poem . we observed that it is a fable ; and we see nothing in the practice of our poets that gives us any other idea of the title and inscription of their poems , than of the titles of aesop's fables . they have for their title the names of the persons that act in them . there lies this difference , that all the personages are nam'd in the title of aesop's fables , because they are but few , and one is as important as another ; but in the epick poem there is commonly one who is a great deal more considerable than the rest , and the others are too many to be all nam'd . therefore they only affix the name of the principal personage to it . thus the odysseïs and the aeneid bear only the name of vlysses and aeneas . the example of homer in the inscription of the iliad informs us , that the title of the poem may be deriv'd from something else besides the name of the personages . perhaps he did not call it the achilleid , because achilles does not act therein , as vlysses and aeneas do in the other two poems . he has as many sharers in his dignity as there are princes in his alliance . he has a general to whom he should submit , and refusing to do that , he makes but little or no figure in the whole action , of which the subject of the poem is but a part . he is but little better than a cashier'd officer . he is doubtless the most valiant ; but the poet sings his anger , not his valour . and even there , the anger which the poet sings is rather that which makes achilles to absent himself from fighting , than that which puts him upon killing of hector . to conclude , the fable consists less in this anger , than in the quarrel and reconciliation , wherein agamemnon had as great a share as he . so that the poet makes no scruple to mention them both in his proposition , when he comes as near the fable it self as possible : i sing , says he , the anger of achilles , that has done so much mischief to the grecians , and caused the death of so many heroes ; * since the time that agamemnon and he fell out and parted . these considerations ought not to degrade achilles from the honour of being the chief personage , which homer has doubtless made him : but they may serve to prove , that though he is the chief hero of this fable , yet he is not the only hero , as vlysses and aeneas are in the fables that go under their names . statius and lucan have each of them two heroes ; and they have , like homer , given their poems the names of the places where the actions were done , and not of the heroes who did them . but the thebaid , and the pharsalia , are such defective poems , that there 's no relying upon their authority . in tragedies , where the name of the personage is made use of for the title , the poet adds something else to it , when he makes several pieces under the name of the same hero. seneca has done this in his two tragedies of hercules . the * one he names from the madness which transported him , and the † other from the place , where he was burnt . this is the reason why more than one name is requisite for the title of aesop's fables ; for there is scarce an animal , but what is a hero in several fables . but this signifies little to the epick poem : 't is rare that an author makes two of these fables under the name of one and the same person . nor do poets use to denote the action in the title of the poem . several things happen'd to medea , vlysses , aeneas , and troy ; and one might feign a great many under the names of the wolf and the lamb , which the title alone would never inform us of . this signifies nothing ; the authors are well enough satisfied with these plain inscriptions , medea , the odysseïs , the aeneid , the iliad , the lamb and the wolf. and they refer us to the discourse it self to know what the action is that is recited . chap. iii. of the proposition . the epick proposition is that first part of the poem , wherein the author proposes briefly , and in the general , what he has to say in the body of his work. and here two things offer themselves to our consideration ; first , what the poet proposes ; and secondly , after what manner he does it . the proposition should only comprehend the matter of the poem ; that is , the action , and the persons that act , whether divine or humane . we find all this in the iliad , the odysseïs , and the aeneid . the action homer proposes in the iliad is the revenge of achilles ; that of the odysseïs is the return of vlysses ; and that of the aeneid is the empire of troy translated into italy by aeneas . nor should any one be surpriz'd at homer's way of expressing himself in his first words , where he says , * he sings the deadly anger of achilles ; nor think he proposes this anger as the subject of his poem . he would not then have made the rehearsal of an action , but of a passion . we are not to stop here , since in truth he himself does not . he says , he sings this anger which had been the cause of so much slaughter among the greeks , and of so many brave mens deaths . he proposes an action then , and not a mere passion , for the subject of his poem ; and this action is , as we already hinted , the revenge of achilles . so in the two other poems , a † man is propos'd at first : but the proposition does not stop here ; it adds either , ‡ that he underwent much in returning home to his own country ; or , ‖ that he went to settle in italy ; and both of them propose an action . if homer's design had been to propose the two parts of each poem ; his design was not to do it very distinctly . yet we may conceive the first part of the iliad by the misfortunes of the grecians , and the second by the illustrious deaths of so many heroes . the grecians are greater sufferers than the trojans , and there are fewer heroes kill'd on their side , but almost all are wounded . the proposition of the odysseïs speaks plainly enough of the travels of vlysses ; but it leaves us rather to infer his re-establishment in ithaca , than discovers it to us . the poet says , his hero did all he could to preserve and conduct back his companions to ithaca ; * but that these miserable creatures were their own destruction , and that the god whom they had offended would not suffer them to see the happy day of their return . by which 't is plain vlysses did see the day , and preserv'd himself according to his wish . the latin poet has clearly distinguish'd the two parts of his aeneid . at first he makes his general proposition in two verses ; and then he makes a division of it , saying in the † first place , that he had suffer'd much both by sea and land ; and then ‡ secondly , that he had likewise suffer'd much by war. this is the most considerable difference between homer and virgil. it was enough for achilles to be reveng'd ; and * vlysses pretended only to save himself . this is the scope and end of the odysseïs , as aristotle , in the scheme he has drawn , very well observ'd . but aeneas had a settlement to make , and this settlement was attended with great consequences . virgil has been so exact , that he has omitted nothing of it . † he advertises us , that his hero travell'd to italy to build a city , and establish his gods and religion there ; and he adds , that from this settlement proceeded the latins , the city of alba , and the romans their progeny . it will not be amiss to make this one reflection more , that in the three poems , the proposition takes notice where the action of each poem does begin . * this beginning of the iliad is the beginning of the quarrel between agamemnon and achilles . † the action of the aeneid begins at troy , from whence aeneas was forc'd to part . ‖ the odysseïs does not begin at the ruin of troy , as the aeneid , but some time after . this is what i had to say concerning the action propos'd , now for the persons . the divine persons are mention'd in the three propositions . homer says , that whatever happen'd in the iliad was by ‡ jupiter's appointment ; and that * apollo was the cause of the quarrel between agamemnon and achilles . the same poet says , that it was apollo likewise who hinder'd the return of the comerades of vlysses . † virgil likewise makes mention of the fates , the will of the gods , and the anger of juno . but these poets chiefly insist upon the person of the hero. it seems as if he alone were more properly the subject-matter of the poem than all the rest . homer names achilles particularly , and adds agamemnon to him , as we hinted in the former chapter . vlysses and aeneas are not nam'd , but only implied ; and that in such general terms , that we should not know them , had we not information otherways , that they are the persons . for what does the proposition of the odysseïs say concerning the return of ulysses from the ruin of troy , but what might be in the proposition of a poem , that treated of the return of diomedes ? this practice might have perhaps some respect to the primary invention of the poet , who ought at first to feign his action without names , and relates not the action of alcibiades , as aristotle says ; nor consequently the actions of achilles , vlysses aeneas , or any other in particular : but of an universal , general , and allegorical person . but since homer has done otherwise in his iliad and has mention'd achilles by his own name and that of his father too ; one cannot condemn the practice of naming the persons in the proposition . besides , the character which the poet would give his hero and all his work , is taken notice of likewise by homer and virgil. all the iliad is nothing else but heat and passion , and that is the character of achilles , and the * first thing the poet begins with . the odysseïs in the † first verse presents us with the prudence , dissimulation and artifice , that vlysses made use of to so many different persons . and in the beginning of the latin poem , we see the ‡ meekness and piety of aeneas . these characters are kept up by another such like quality , namely that of a warriour . the proposition of the iliad says , that the anger of achilles cost a great many heroes their lives : that of the odysseïs represents vlysses as victor of troy , from the destruction of which he came : and that of the aeneid begins with arms : i have already observed that horace speaks of wars and generals in the subject matter of the epopéa . as for the way of making the proposition , horace only prescribes modesty and simplicity . he would not have us promise too much , nor raise in the reader 's mind too large ideas of what we are going to relate . * his words are these : begin not as th' old poetaster did , ( troy's famous war , and priam ' s fate , i sing ) in what will all this ostentation end ? the mountains labour , and a mouse is born . how far is this from the maeonian stile ? muse , speak the man , who since the siege of troy , so many towns , such change of manners saw. one with a flash begins , and ends in smoke , the other out of smoak brings glorious light , and ( without raising expectation high ) surprizes us with dazling miracles : the bloody lestrygons in humane feasts , with all the monsters of the land and sea ; how scylla bark'd , and polyphemus roar'd . [ horace's art of poetry english'd by roscommon . ] and in truth what can be more simple and modest than the proposition of the odysseïs , which does not promise us any great action of this hero , but only the dangers , and the continual fatigues of his voyages , and the loss of his miserable companions ? we shall find the very same simplicity and modesty in the proposition of the aeneid . the poet does not say his hero had done much , but only that he had suffered much . thô he speaks of alba and the roman empire ; yet he proposes neither as parts of his matter ; but as consequences which other heroes had brought to perfection a great while after . so homer in his odysseïs has spoken of the destruction of troy ; but withal as an action already done , and which his readers were not to expect would be rehears'd in the sequel of the poem . the proposition of the iliad is something more lofty , in that it mentions the deaths of so many heroes : but this is so far the matter of this poem , that it seems as if it could not have been wholly omitted . and besides , art might oblige the poet to make some kind of conformity between the character of the proposition and that of the whole poem , which is nothing else but a long series of heat and violence . but to conclude , the poet acquitted himself of these obligations with so much simplicity and modesty , that one cannot charge upon him the transgressing of horace's rule . for he does not say that these heroe's deaths were the effect of his heroe's valour and courage : he only says that he sings the anger of achilles , which had brought so many disasters upon the greeks , and had been the cause of the death of so many homes , who were exposed as a prey to birds and beasts . certainly if there is any thing of grandeur here , 't is not so much in any glory or splendor , as in that trouble and smoke , which will scarce let us see it . beside this sort of bombast , which things , proposed with too much glazing produce ; or which arises from the dignity of the personages , that at the very first are praised unseasonably , and set off with too great ideas ; there is yet another that respects the person of the poet. he should speak as modestly of himself , as of his hero or his subject . virgil in plain terms says that he sings the action of aeneas . homer begs his muse to inspire the action into him , or to sing it for him ; this was all . claudian has not followed these exemplars . * he says , his song shall be full of boldness : that the poetical fury , and the whole divinity of apollo had so swell'd his mind and possess'd his senses , that they had not left any thing human about him : that the rest of mankind were profane , whose conversation he could no longer endure : with a great deal of such like stuff . these raptures well manag'd , would look well enough in an ode , a pastoral , or some such piece , that is short enough to preserve them to the last , and where we may suppose them to have been uttered all in a breath . but a poem so long as an epopéa , admits not these rhapsodical propositions from a poet that is well in his wits . this is horace's doctrine , who would have the proposition of the epick poem be simple and modest ; and yet he sticks not in one of his * odes to do what claudian does in the proposition we cited . this poem of claudian that begins so ill justifies the rule , which horace has drawn from the practice of homer . one may even there observe , that those , who are so daring in what they propose , are so more out of lightness and vanity , than out of any knowledge of their abilities and art ; and that commonly they are the least able to keep up to it . claudian was not able to carry the terrors which he proposed as the subject of his poem any farther than the middle of his first book : and that internal darkness , which should have eclipsed the light of the sun , could not take off from the lustre of the ivory walls , and amber columns of proserpina's fine palace . but we will not leave this chapter without producing some instances that are contrary to the practice of homer and virgil. we may reckon six of these sorts of faults . the first is when any thing is proposed that is foreign to the subject : the second is , the giving too large an idea of the subject matter : the third is , when the hero appears too dazling in the proposition : the fourth , when the poet speaks too favourably of himself : the fifth is the omitting the presence of the deity : and the sixth is , when nothing is said that may give a light into the character of the hero. there is scarce one of these faults but may be met with in the proposition of the achilleid . * statius prays his muse to tell him the story of the magnanimous son of aeacus , whose birth struck the thunderer himself with terror , and to whom admittance into heaven was deny'd , tho he had from thence his origin . if horace could not endure that a poet should propose priam's fate , and the famous war of troy , thô in truth this war was noble and illustrious : what would he have said of him , who sings a hero , that strikes terror into jupiter himself ? this very poet gives us likewise too favourable a character of himself , when begging phoebus to bestow upon him new inspirations , * he tells him that in his first poem , he had worthily exhausted those he had receiv'd , and brags of his being so excellent a poet , that thebes would look upon him as another amphion . he speaks of the gods in this proposition , but 't is more by chance , than in imitation of homer or virgil ; since if he had been perswaded that art required so much , he would not have fail'd doing it in the proposition of the thebaid . to conclude , he has given a very sorry character of his hero , when he stiles him magnanimous . achilles was certainly very impatient , cholerick , and revengeful . homer made him so , and statius should have kept up the same character , which this first poet had given him . * this is one of horace's rules . but we need not seek any farther than statius himself for a proof of his error in this point . in the proposition he contradicts this character of magnanimous which he had bestow'd upon achilles at first : for immediately after , among the actions he was to mention of his hero , he mentions one , that is far from magnanimity ; namely his cruel usage of hector's body , when after he had kill'd him , he bound him by the heels to his charriot , and drag'd him a great many times round the walls of troy , and the tomb of patroclus . chap. iv. of the invocation . * homer in his two poems inserts the invocation in the proposition . he does not say that he will relate what achilles , or vlysses has done ; but intreats his muse to make the recital . virgil has these two parts distinct : he first † proposes what he would sing , and then he ‡ begs his muse to inform him about it . in this second part he * inserts the character of his hero , which more properly belongs to the first . and this makes it appear , that it signifies little whether they are distinct from each other , or joyn'd together . but let the way be how it will , the poet cannot omit the invocation . he speaks of things which he would know nothing of , unless some god or other had reveal'd them to him . he owes his readers this example of piety and veneration , which is the very foundation of all the moral , and the instructions he pretends to lay down from the fable : and lastly , since the gods must be concern'd in it , 't is unreasonable to dare to bring them upon the stage , without craving their leave first . so that with respect to the gods , the auditors , and the poet himself , the invocation becomes an indispensible and necessary part . the poet likewise addresses himself to the gods very often in the sequel of his work : * sometimes when he enters upon a new matter , as virgil does , when in his seventh book he enters upon the second part of his design : † sometimes when he relates some miraculous action , that is above common probability ; as in the transformation of aeneas's ships into nymphs : ‡ sometimes when he reveals those mysteries , which god seems to have been willing to keep secret from the curiosity of men , such for instance is that which happens in the shades below , whither aeneas is conducted by sibyl : and lastly at other times upon other occasions . but the principal invocation is that at the beginning . and here we are to take notice of two things . the first is what the poet desires : and the second , to what deity he makes his application . that which we demand in the first question , is whether the poet should desire that all his matter should be inspir'd into him , or only a part of it . the different practice of our authors obliges us to make this reflection . homer has so well connected his proposition in the iliad with the invocation , that he implores his muse for all that he proposes without exception . in the odysseïs he has begun after the same way ; but after mentioning several things which he begs his muse to assist him in , he at last retrenches some ; and only intreats her to tell him a part of them . virgil follows this last method . that which is particular in him is , that he does not in the general desire one part of his subject , but precisely determines what part he would have his muse inspire into him . 't is that which was the most secret and hardest to know . after he had very exactly proposed all his matter , he then addresses himself to his muse , and prays her to inform him of the causes of all . there is a very natural reason to be given for this conduct : for since the poet supposes that his action is true , and writes as if he would have it pass for such ; he must likewise suppose that such an illustrious and important action could not have been buried in oblivion . by this means history or report might have informed him of one part. this is the idea he would have the readers conceive , when he does not desire the muses for all . perhaps likewise our poets did this to divide the business so , that they might have the honour of singing a part with the gods. this is what * virgil does in his eighth eclogue : he sings the one half of his matter ; and prays the muses to go on and sing the other part , because he could not do all . however the case stands , we see by this practice what the poet is allowed to do . thus much for what he desires ; now let us see to whom he makes his addresses . the invocation is proper to the poem , when 't is either addressed to the god , who presides over the subject he treats on ; or to the god , who presides over poetry in general . ovid in his * metamorphoses makes use of the first sort of invocation . he names no god in particular , but addresses himself to all who had contributed to the miraculous transformations he was about to describe . the poet † lucretius does the same in his poem concerning the nature of things . he calls upon venus , because she presides o'er the productions of nature . this is likewise what virgil has done in his georgicks . he names in particular all the gods who were concern'd with husbandry , and as if he had been affraid of omitting any one * he calls upon them all in general . but both he and homer have left us another kind of an example in their epick poems . they have call'd upon the muses , and so they have distinguished the deities which preside over poesie , from those that preside over the actions of the poems , and are the personages that act in them . besides , we are not to imagine that these divirities , which they invok'd , were look'd upon by the poets themselves , as divine persons , from whom they expected any real assistance . under this name of muse , they wish'd for that genius of poesy , and all those qualifications and circumstances , that were necessary for executing their design . this is nothing else but an allegorical and poetical way of expression : as when they say , the god of sleep , the goddess of fame , and the like . there are likewise muses of all ages , countries , and religions . there are christian as well as pagan muses . there are greek , latin , french , and english muses . there are new ones too , which begin every day to appear in behalf of those who disdaining the thread-bare antiquities , are so bold as to invent things wholly new . when virgil wrote his eclogues , he invok'd the * sicilian muses , because he imitated theocritus : and this sicilian poet coming off so well put the latin poet upon wishing for as lucky a genius as this islander had . the muses of the philosopher lucretius were † new , and had inspired none before him . none had as yet entered the gardens where this epicurean poet gather'd so many immortal flowers : and the waters of his poetical fountains were such , as former poets had never quenched their thirst with ; he is the first that ever tasted of the sweets of them . but the doctrine of this author leaves no room to doubt what sort of gods they were , that he invok'd . at the very beginning of this poem , when he had addressed himself to venus , as a goddess who managed the whole concern of natural things , about which he was going to treat : he presently-informs us , * that the gods never concerned themselves with what was done below . this is the main principle of his whole treatise : and ‡ religion , in his account , is an error that imposes upon us . what then are these muses , and this venus to which he addresses himself ? has he invoked the deities to inspire him with that , with which 't is impossible they should inspire him ? and did he intreat them to teach him , that 't is an error to pray to them , and a mistake to expect any thing from them ? other poets are not so unreasonable , and * horace , who for some time was of the same opinion , might well call this epicurean wisdom downright folly. we will conclude this chapter by a short recapitulation of all that has been observ'd about the invocation ; and from thence it may be said , that the invocation may be mixed with the proposition , or may be separated from it : that it is always a necessary part of the epick poem : and that 't is a prayer addressed to the allegorical genius of poesy , under the name of muse , or some one else , by whom the poet begs to be inspir'd , either in the whole , or only in a part of that which he has undertaken to relate . chap. v. of the body of the poem , or the narration properly so called . all the parts of the epick poem , which we have already discours'd of , are nothing but introductions into it . let us now enquire into the body of the poem , and into that which is properly called the naration . and in short this narration is the recital which the poet makes of his entire action , episodiz'd with all its circumstances and all its decorations . 't is in this part we are to look for the beginning , the middle , and the end of the action : this is it which informs us of the causes of all we read : in this are proposed , in this are unravelled all the plots and intrigues : in this the personages , whether divine or humane , ought to demonstrate their interests , their manners , and their quality , by their actions and discourses : and all this must be described with the beauty , the majesty , and the force of verse , of stile , of thoughts , of similes , and of other ornaments , that are suitable to the subject in general , and to each single thing in particular . we have spoken already to some of these things , and shall say something more about them in the remaining parts of this treatise . but in this we shall consider , first , the qualifications of the narration : secondly , the order our poets have observ'd therein : and thirdly , its duration ; that is , how long time they have assigned to the adventures which they themselves have related in each of their poems . for we have already observ'd how much time they assign'd to the entire actions . we will begin with the qualifications of the narration . it must be pleasant , probable , moving , marvellous , and active . we prov'd the necessity of these properties , when we treated of the fable , and of the nature of the epopéa , from whence we took them . so that without insisting any longer upon these proofs , we shall in this place only consider , wherein these qualifications do consist , and what we are perswaded homer and virgil have done to establish them in the poem . * horace speaks of the profitable and the pleasant in such a manner , that he seems to treat of them both alike . but we fansie , if that had been his design , he had more regard to poesie in general , than to the epick poem in particular . with respect to the last we say , that the profitable is a property essential to the epick narration , whereas the pleasant is only a mode or qualification of it . for it must be granted , that the fable , which is the very soul of the epopéa , was only invented to instruct men : that the profitable is not made use of to please people ; but that on the other hand the pleasant is inserted to procure a more favourable reception of the instructions which the fable contains . so that the profitable belongs not to any particular part of the poem , but to the very nature of the epopéa , and of the fable in general . i am satisfied then with what i said about it in the first book , where i think it was more proper to speak of it , than to joyn it with the pleasant here . besides , it being essential , as i have already said , it will be met with in a great many passages , since all suppose it . chap. vi. how the narration is pleasant . pleasantry in the epick narration is a necessary qualification , which engages us to read the poem with some sort of delight , thô excited by the most terrible , the most violent , and the most afflicting passions . the effect may arise , either from the poem alone ; or from that relation which the poet makes between his auditors and his personages , and the interest which he makes the first to have in the action he relates . statius rob'd himself of this advantage , when not regarding the romans for whom he wrote , he must needs hunt for his subjects in countries and states , whose manners and customs bore no relation to those of his readers , and wherein they had not the least interest . homer has made a better choice , and has better disposed of his actions . and if virgil has not been more careful than homer , yet at least he has had infinitely more luck than him . but we said enough of this in the first book . the pleasantries which the poem affords in its own nature independently from the auditors , are of three sorts . the first arise from the beauty of the verse , of the stile , and of the thoughts : others depend upon the persons that are introduced into the poem , upon their manners , their passions , and their interests rightly manag'd : and the third sort consist in the things which are describ'd , and in the way of proposing them . we shall speak of the first sort in our last book , wherein we shall treat of the thoughts , and expressions . in this book , we shall allow a whole chapter to the passions , and all the next book will be about the manners . as for the rest let us consider them here . it is not necessary that all the persons introduc'd into a poem should have divided and particular interests therein : not only their great number exempts them from it , but likewise a multitude of interests would too much annoy and subvert the pleasure we are discoursing of . it confounds the hearer's mind , it over charges his memory ; and makes him less capable of those motions with which we would have him affected . the greater variety of things we have to take notice of and remember , the more sedate and attentive ought we to be , for fear of losing any necessary thing ; and when any such thing escapes us , we take but little pleasure in hearing that , which we have no farther understanding of . but there must be care likewise taken , that no action or adventure of any length be describ'd without interested persons . * the recital , which achemenides makes of that which happened to vlysses in polypheme's den , takes up no more than forty verses . this wretched grecian had a great interest therein ; but since he is but a very inconsiderable personage in this poem , virgil provides that aeneas should not be at a distance from the borders of the cyclops , where he might in safety hear this adventure : but all this is told in the port , and upon the very coast , where the trojans were in danger of suffering the same fate with the companions of vlysses . so that achemenides speaks as well in their behalf as his own ; and in conclusion says , * that they should not so much as stay to weigh anchor , but cut the cables that detained them . † aeneas for his part owns himself obliged to him . without these engagements , these adventures are languishing , and make those that hear them languish too . but the readers are very desirous to know what any person shall say or do in an adventure wherein he has some interest . this is more apparent in the theatre , from whence the want of interest has excluded the narrations of the chorus , and of such actors as were only to tell what passed behind the scenes . after oedipus was come to the knowledge of his parents and his crimes , the spectators were not very eager to know what the thoughts of the old corinthian , and the theban phorbas are , nor do they take any delight in hearing them . but they cannot hear oedipus and jocasta without application and attention . as much might be said concerning the manners and the passions , which are the second sor of pleasantries . there is nothing more cold and disgustful than to see personages of no character . good painters give this to all their draughts ; and represent them either passionate , or attentive upon some thing or other . such as are most lively , and have most of the character upon them , are the most delightful to the eye , and get most credit to their masters . * 't is just with poetry as with painting . the third sort comprehends the pleasantries which the things themselves furnish us with . there are some things that in their own nature are pleasant , namely such as are important and marvellous , as wars , and other great adventures , provided they are not collected without choice and judgment , nor carried on to an extreme , but judicious and well managed . others there are that are cold and insipid ; and great skill must be used to manage them with success . the best way in such cases is to follow * horace's rule ; to examine those incidents , and ones own strength ; and to study them , and know himself so well , as to undertake nothing but what is proportionate to his genius and strength . if an author distrusts himself in any thing , 't is best letting it alone . dogmatical things are generally dry and insipid . of this nature is the doctrine of plato , and the pythagoreans , which virgil has touch'd upon in his sixth book with so much success . 't was necessary that this great poet , should give us instances of all sorts of perfections . upon this account we might say , what aristotle upon another occasion says of homer , that had an ordinary poet manag'd this subject , he would have been insufferable . the art which i discover in him is what follows . first of all , he makes this doctrine necessary for the better conceiving of the wonders which follow . besides , he goes farther , for he makes it a necessary part of his fable , and his subject ; since t is the foundation of the religion , the laws , and the morality , which aeneas went to establish in italy under the character of a pantifex and a legislator . in the third place , before ever he proposes it to the readers , he puts them upon desiring it as much as aeneas did ; for without doubt they are mov'd with the same curiosity , which the poet bestows so naturally on his hero : they see with the same amazement , that he does , persons that were to be born some ages after : and what this hero asks anchises , that they ask virgil. [ * is it possible , that there should be any souls here so fond of returning again upon the earth , and of being imprisoned once more in a body ? ] and 't is with delight that they hear the † poet in the person of anchises promise to satisfie their curiosity in that point . the author does not dogmatize at all himself : but he brings it about , that it should be discours'd of by two persons of the greatest importance in his poem , and who were both very highly interested therein . lastly , he is very short upon this subject : he does not so much as spend thirty verses about it . the most usual and proper way for poesie , is to lay down these pieces of doctrine disguised under the allegories of some action or other . homer does this often in some physical points . the age virgil lived in obliged him to be more reserv'd therein ; by which means he has more examples of lessons in morality . we have said something already about this in the first book : and shall say more of it in the book about machines and the gods : and likewise in this book , when we come to shew , how the epick narration ought to be active . the meeting of councils may be reckoned among those things which make the narration languish , and render it unpleasant . quietness , moderation , and arguing of debates ought naturally to preside there , and all this is opposite to the motions , and the action , which ought to appear throughout the whole epick poem . our poets have carefully avoided all manner of sage and serious debates , where each person speaks in his turn , and delivers his sober thoughts . they generally brought in some hasty or passionate persons , such as are achilles , and agamemnon in the first book of the iliad , and almost all the other grecians and trojans of this fable . such likewise in the aeneid are venus and juno in the tenth book , and drauces and turnus in the eleventh . the council in the ninth book is altogether as passionate , but the movements are of another kind . there are neither quarrels , nor heats . all the personages therein are generous and manly : and yet of above threescore verses which the poet spends about it , there are scarce five calm ones . nisus and young euryalus , that are introduced therein , make the rest so passionate , that this passage is not one of the least tender and moving beauties , which the aeneid has of this kind . if these assemblies are without passions , there should be little said in them , and no body contradicting what is propos'd , these incidents are not so much debates , as simple proposals of what is going to be done . there should likewise such proper places be chosen for them in the poem , where they might not interrupt the series of the action . of this nature are the two assemblies of the gods in the first and fifth books of the odysseis . the first is at the beginning of the poem , where it interrupts nothing : and the second does not last long , and is only a simple transition from the recital of the transactions at ithaca during the absence of vlysses , to the recital of that which more particularly regards the person of this hero. the reader is offended likewise , when that is related to him which he knows already . this was not so great a fault in homer's time . virgil is more exact herein . venus in the first book , would not make a recital of her misfortunes to aeneas , she interrupts it to comfort him . and in the third book , when good manners oblig'd this hero to relate his story to andromache , helenus comes in very opportunely , and so hinders him from going on with his discourse . chap. vii . of probability . truth and probability may meet together , since a thing , that is true , may appear such . this is what 's common . but sometimes truth it self is only probability , as in miraculous , prodigious , and extraordinary actions . sometimes likewise there is probability without truth , as in the ordinary fictions of the poets . in a word , an action may be either only true , or only probable , or else without truth and probability , or lastly , it may have both these qualifications . these four sorts of actions or things have been as it were divided among four sorts of learning . history has got the first , relying only on that which is true independently from probability , which may , or may not be in it . such is the action of the maid of orleans . the epick and dramatick fables are opposite to history , in that they prefer a probable falsity before an improbable truth . such an action as samson's would be less proper for the subject of an epick poem , than the death of dido who made away with her self , when aeneas left her . aesop is alike negligent of truth and probability in the discourses he attributes to the beasts . lastly , moral philosophy should not only mind the truth of the things it teaches , but 't is likewise necessary that this truth appear such , and convince those , we are willing to convince , that it is profitable . but to what we have said concerning the epopéa , we may add that naturally it makes use of both truth and probability , as morality does ; and that in its expressions and its dress , it assumes a liberty very like that of aesop . it is probable that aeneas , when going for italy , endur'd a dreadful storm , which cast him upon the coasts of africk , where he escaped . 't is a moral truth , that god proves , and sometimes seems to abandon good men , and that at last he rescues them from the dangers , into which he had permitted them to fall : this is not only true , but likewise probable . but the discourse that passed between juno and aeolus , and what neptune said to boreas and zephyrus , have as little truth and probability in them , as the intercourse that passed between the country and the city-mouse . so much may be said in the general . to be more particular , and to speak more exactly and methodically concerning the probability of epick narrations , we shall reduce it to several heads , and consider it according to divinity , according to morality , according to nature , according to reason , according to experience , and according to vulgar opinion . it may be said , that there is nothing with respect to divinity , but what is probable ; because with god nothing is impossible . this is a means the poets often make use of to render every thing probable , which they have a mind to feign contrary to the ordinary course of nature . this is an ample subject , and requires a particular treatise : which we shall bestow upon it , when we come to treat of the machines . we have already observ'd that morality requires both truth and probability , and the first is more necessary than the last . a poet was formerly condemned and fined for a default in this upon the theatre : for he made a personage , whom he had represented as an honest man , to say , that when his tongue swore , his mind did not . certainly 't is neither true nor probable that an honest man should ever trick another by a false oath , and call god to witness those promises he never intends to keep . seneca the philosopher accuses virgil of a fault against natural truth and probability , when he says that the winds were pen'd up in grots : because wind being nothing else but air , or vapours in motion , it destroys its nature to suppose it in a profound repose . vossius answers this , and says , that the poet has very well described the natural production of winds , which arise from hills by the vapours and exhalations , that are inclosed therein ; and that 't is concerning the causes of winds which the speaks , by a figure very common among poets and orators , taking the cause for the effect . 't is as if we should say , that the winds are inclosed in eolipiles full of water , since when these vessels are warm , the water comes out of them in puffs of wind. it would have been likewise a fault against natural probability to have said that aeneas met with stags in africk , if 't is true that they could not live there . but these are venial slips , because , aristotle says , they make not against the poet's art , but arise from his ignorance in some things that he has learn'd from other arts. yet care must be taken that they be not too gross and visible . there are some probabilities of this kind from which aesop himself would not be excused . we should never pardon him if he had represented the lyon timorous , the hare daring , the fox dull , and the like . the probability with respect to reason is usually destroyed by those , who only strive to make things look great . they transgress the bounds which good sense prescribes . they think 't is creeping unless they soar above the clouds : and * little dream that when they quit the earth , they part with what is solid to embrace an airy fantom . statius is very often guilty of this fault . who would believe , for instance , that a single man surprized in an ambuscado by fifty bravo's , that lay in wait for him , could kill nine and forty of them , and give quarter to the last ? who would believe that this same romantick hero would fight at fifty cuffs with a young prince for the wall ? and yet they wore swords by their sides , even when they were pulling of hair , and scratching faces with their nails . the * poet himself observes as much , and says their anger rose so high , that perhaps they had drawn upon one another , if king adrastus had not step'd in between . here is a strange illustration of the rage of two kings . the third person finds it so reasonable , † that he discovers by this noble exploit the greatness of their extraction . is this at all probable ? and is not a man's reason strangely shock'd at this ? sometimes the poets are found fault with for relating things contrary to experience . * scaliger blames homer for saying that jupiter thundered and snowed at the same time : which is a thing , says this critick , which we never observed . but this does not contradict experience ; not many years ago it was observable , that in january the thunder was so violent , that it burnt down the steeple of a church at chalons , and did as much at the abby of chally near senlis , and in several other places . terrible claps of thunder were heard , and several thunderbolts fell at senlis in a very deep and thick snow . homer then might likewise have seen the self same thing . but the principal sort of probability , and that which we nam'd last , is the probability according to the common-received opinion ; which is of no small moment in this place . a thing is probable when it seems to be true. but sometimes it seems true to men of sence , and false to the vulgar ; or the contrary . since the vulgar and the learned are thus divided , it may be asked which side the poet ought to take . the subject shall be , for instance , the adventure of dido , or that of penelope , or the story of medea , helen , or the like . that which homer and virgil have wrote about it shall be probable to the vulgar : but men of learning shall have read the contrary in history . some authors shall have written that [ dido was chast , and medea innocent , that penelope was banished and divorced by vlysses for having abused his absence , and that helen was never at troy. 't is no hard matter to decide this point by the rules i have laid down . homer , virgil , and the rest have made no scruple to disregard history , that so their fables might be more just . * horace does not refer poets to the truth of history , but either to fables already invented as that of the iliad , or else to vulgar opinions and fame . aristotle says nothing against , but rather seems to confirm this doctrine , when he tells us , that a poet does not write as an historian , what sort of man alcibiades was , what he said , or what he did , upon such or such an occasion ; but only what in all probability he ought to have said or done . he approves of the fable of oedipus upon the theatre , and yet , he says , that that which serves as a ground work to all this action has nothing of reason in it : and that king oedipus could not have tarry'd so many years , before he made inquiry into the murder of his predecessour king laius . he only excuses the negligence that is attributed to oedipus , upon the account that this fault against reason was foreign to the tragedy . but this excuse being only designed to justifie the conduct of the poet , it expresly supposes that this action was invented contrary to the truth of history : and besides it shews that aristotle allows of this , when he goes about to prove that this falsity hinders not but the subject may be lawful and regular . he likewise approves of the iphigenia in taurica , and thinks it worth his while to make the platform of it , as he did that of the odysseïs . and yet it does not appear that this philosopher nor the learned men of his times were perswaded of a thing whose falsity quite ruins this action . certainly they never thought , that in the very moment iphigenia was going to be sacrificed to diana in aulis , this goddess conveyed her away , and substituted a hind in her stead . aristotle was therefore of the opinion , that a poet , when his fable so required , was not so strictly tyed up to the truths of history , to suit himself to the capacity of the learned , as he was to that which might pass for probable in the eye of the vulgar . after all , it may be said , that not only ev'ry individual person finds his story , and meets with his satisfaction in this practice : but likewise men of learning see more solid truths therein , than any the vulgar can meet with ; and more certain than those of history which the poet disregards . the more learned they are , the less will they expect these historical truths in a poem , which is not designed for that , but for things more mysterious . the truths , they look for there , are moral and allegorical truths . the aeneid was never writ to tell us the story of dido , but to inform us under this name of the spirit and conduct of that state which she founded , and of the original and consequences of its differences with rome . a man takes some delight in seeing this ; and these truths are more pleasant , more apparent , and better understood , than those which the poet might have taken out of an history that was so little known in his time , and about which the learned men of our days , after so many searches , do still contend . beside these sorts of probabilities , there is still another particular one , which we may call an accidental probability . it consists , not in making use of several incidents , each of which in particular is probable , but in ordering them so , that they shall happen all together very probably . a man , for instance , may probably die of an apoplexy , but that this should happen exactly when the poet has occasion to unravel his plot , is not so easily granted . the faults against this probability are of a large extent : for they comprehend the multitude of marvellous things , each of which might have been regular in the particular ; but which in all probability cannot be heaped up in so great a number and so small a space . 't is likewise a fault against this probability , when an incident not duly prepared ( tho it needs it ) is brought in all on a sudden . a desire of surprizing the auditors by the sight of some beauty which they never expected , casts poets of little judgment into these errors ; but the effect thereof is of very ill consequence . when a man sets himself to seek for the causes of these events in what he has already seen , this application of thought takes away all the pleasure . it would vex a man to take too much pains to find out these causes , but much more if he could not find them out at all . and when at last the poet does discover them , the passion is weaken'd or destroy'd by these misplaced instructions . the comedians make use of these surprizes more frequently , and can reap some advantage from them . but the gravity of the epopéa will not away with these petty amusements . all there ought to be manag'd after a natural way , so that the incidents thereof must be duly prepar'd , or else be such as need no preparation . virgil is exact in this . juno prepares the tempest which she raises in the first book : venus in the same book prepares the amours of the fourth . the death of dido , which happen'd at the end of this fourth book , is prepar'd from the very * first day of her marriage . helenus in the third book prepares all the matter of the sixth . in the sixth , sibyl foretells all the ensuing wars , the out-rages of turnus , the misfortunes which were to happen upon the account of lavinia , and likewise the voyage of aeneas with evander . we should be too tedious , if we took notice of ev'ry thing of this nature . chap. viii . of the admirable , or the marvellous . admiration is opposed to probability . 't is the business of the last to reduce ev'ry thing into the most simple , and most natural order : whereas on the other hand , we never admire any thing , but what appears extraordinary , and out of the common road. this is that which deceives some , who , to make their heroes admir'd , raise them to what is impossible . this practice meets with a quite contrary effect ; for if we would have a thing admired , we should make it so probable , that it may be conceiv'd and credited : we never admire that , which we think has actually never been ; and all extravagant flights put us upon this thought . and yet for ought i know , i may yield too much to reason and probability contrary to aristotle's mind , who prefers the admirable by far before them . let us see what he says about it , and let the world agree to it , as they see cause . * 't is requisite , says he , that the marvellous should be in tragedy , but much more in the epopéa , which in this goes beyond the bounds of reason : for since they do not see the persons act , as they do upon the stage , that which transgresses the bounds of reason is very proper to produce the marvellous . that which homer says of hector pursued by achilles , would have been very ridiculous upon the stage , where one should have seen so many persons in a fight , looking on hector as he was flying without pursuing him , and only one person following , giving a signal to the rest to stand off . but this is not discernable in the epopéa . aristotle says further , * that these additions , that are made to reason and truth for the raising of admiration , are likewise pleasant ; and that 't is evident how natural this is by the ordinary practice of most people , who to make their story the more diverting , and something or another of their own invention : but that homer out-does all men in teaching us how to tell these sorts of yes with a bon grace . these fictions of homer are , amongst other things , such as horace commends in the odysseïs , and which he finds to be equally beautiful and surprising , joyning together these two qualifications , the pleasant and the marvellous , after the same manner that we have observed aristotle did . but tho' this philosopher might have said thus much , certainly he never design'd to allow men a full license of carrying things beyond probability and reason . besides , without doing him the least injustice , and without abating any thing of his due authority , it may be questioned whether the example of homer , which he proposes , would have been exact enough for virgil's imitation . for the custom of speaking by fables and allegories , even in prose , and before the people , was not in vogue at rome in the latin poet's time . so that beside the allegorical sense , he was farther obliged to insert some other , which one might understand simply without any more ado . lastly , that which i infer from the doctrine of aristotle is that he prescribes the marvellous and the probable to both the epick and the dramatick poets : but in such a manner , that the dramatick have a greater regard to the probable than the marvellous ; and that the epick on the contrary prefer the admirable . the reason of this difference is , that we see what is done in tragedy ; and only hear by recitals the adventures of the epopéa . 't is upon this consideration that horace orders , * that in tragedies themselves the two surprizing incidents ( such as the transformation of progne into a bird , or of cadmus into a serpent ) should be kept from the spectator's view . there needs only simple narrations to be made of these things . 't is likewise for this reason that the epopéa has the privilege of machines , which are as so many miracles and exceed natural probability . but they are not after the same manner allow'd upon the theatre . we add further , that if for the better pleasing the auditors by a surprizing incident , one should transgress the boundaries of reason and truth , their minds ought to be disposed thereto , by something that may set them so far besides themselves , that they be not in a condition to perceive that they are imposed upon ; or at least that they may thank the poet for having surprised them so pleasantly . this is what monsieur corneille has observ'd in his cid . he knew well enough that he could not bring rodrigues into the earl's house , whom he had but just then murder'd , without transgressing against reason and probability : but then he knew as well that the curiosity of the spectators , and the attention they gave to what passed between this young hero and chimene , would not suffer them to take notice of this fault : and that tho' they should have been inform'd of it , they would have taken it ill , if a more strict regularity had rob'd them of so great a satisfaction . i believe that the best rules for knowing how far 't is allowable to carry on the marvellous , and for discerning what will be taking , what will offend , and what will be ridiculous ; is first , a sound judgment ; and then the reading of good authors , and likewise the examples of those who have come off but sorrily ; and lastly the comparing these two together . but in this examen of things a man must be well acquainted with the genius's , the customs , and the manners of the several ages . for that which is a beauty in homer , might have met with sorry entertainment in the works of a poet in the days of augustus . 't is not enough ( to make an incident admir'd ) that it should have something that is admirable : but beside that , 't is requisite there should be nothing in it that might put a stop to its effect , and destroy the admiration ; such as would be all contrary passions admiration in this point has nothing but what is common to it self and all the other passions . therefore for the better explaining of this matter we must join that with them . chap. ix . of the passions . the epick narration ought to be admirable , * but this beauty is not enough . it is farther necessary , that it be moving and passionate , that it transport the mind of the reader , fill him with inquietude , give some pleasure , cast him into a consternation , and make him sensible of the violence of all these motions , even in subjects , which he himself knows are feign'd and invented at pleasure . † horace , who prescribes all this to the poets , can't forbear admiring them , when they come off well , and he compares their skill to the power of magick . the passions then are necessary to great poems : but all are not equally necessary or convenient to all poems . mirth and pleasant surprizes belong to comedy . on the contrary , horrour and compassion belong to tragedy . the epick poem keeps as it were in the middle between both , and seizes upon all these passions , as is evident from the grief that reigns in the fourth book of the aeneid , and from the sports and diversions of the eighth . the passion that seems most peculiar to this kind of poem is admiration . it is the least contrary to the passions of the two other kinds of poems . we admire with joy things that surprise us pleasingly , and we admire with terrour and grief such things as terrifie and make us sad . beside this admiration which in general distinguishes the epick poem from the dramatick , each epick poem has likewise some peculiar passion , which distinguishes it in particular from other epick poems , and constitutes a kind of singular and individual difference between these poems of the same species . these singular passions correspond to the character of the hero. anger and terrour reign throughout the iliad , because * achilles is angry and the most terrible of all men. the aeneid has all soft and tender passions , because that is the character of aeneas . the prudence , wisdom , and constancy of vlysses do not allow him in either of these extremes , therefore the poet does not permit one of them to be predominant in the odysseïs . he confines himself to admiration only , which he carries to an higher pitch than in the iliad : and 't is upon this account that he introduces a great many more machines of the odysseïs into the body of the action , than is to be seen in the actions of the other two poems . this doctrine will find a fitter place in the next book , where we shall treat concerning the manners and the character . we have still two things to say concerning the passions . the one is how to impress them upon the auditors : and the other how to make them sensible of them . the first is to prepare their minds for them : and the second is , not to huddle together several passions that are incompatible . the necessity of preparing the auditors is founded upon the natural and general necessity of taking things where they are , when we would convey them elsewhere . 't is easie applying this maxim to the subject in hand . a man is in a quiet and profound repose , and you have a mind by a discourse made on purpose to make him angry : you must begin your discourse by a mild way ; by this means , you will close him , and then going hand in hand together , as the saying is , he will not fail following you in all the passions : you have a mind to excite in him by degrees . but if at the first touch you manifest your anger , you will make your self as ridiculous , and meet with as little success as ajax in ovid's metamorphoses , in whom the witty ovid has given us a notable instance of this default . he makes him begin his plea by anger and violent figures before his judges who were profoundly calm . * the generals were set , the souldiers standing round about them , ajax rises , and being of a furious and impatient disposition casts a fierce look towards the sea-shore , stretches out his hands towards the fleet that rode there , and then cries out : oh heavens ! this cause must be tryed in view of the navy , and ulysses my competitor ! these necessary preparations arise from the discourse that goes before these movements , or else from some action , that already begins to excite them before one speaks . the orators themselves sometimes make use of this last way . for tho' they generally excite not the passions till the end of their harangues , yet when they find their audience already mov'd , it would be ridiculous , if by an unseasonable calmness they should begin by making them quit that , with which they would have them affected . the last time catiline enter'd the senate house , the senators were so disturbed at his presence , that those who sat next him drew farther off , and left him to sit alone . then the consul would have offended against reason , if he had begun his speech with that sedateness that is usual to exerdiums . he would have abated that indignation with which he was willing to affect the senators against cariline ; and he would have taken away from the mind of this parricide , that dread and terror he was minded to strike him with , and which he was already sensible of by this tacite condemnation of the senate . therefore * omitting this first part of the speech , which upon such an occasion would have been prejudicial to him , he takes his audience in the condition he found them , and continues and beightens their passions . that which is so rare among the orators , is common among the poets : they abound with instances of this nature , where one may see the passion prepar'd and kept up by the actions . dido begins a speech as ovid's ajax did . oh jupiter ! what ? shall this stranger go off so ? &c. but these motions were very well prepar'd . * dido entertains thoughts of her death before aeneas left her . she spent her night in nothing else but disquietude , and such distracting thoughts , as these her fears possess'd her with . * soon as the dawn began to clear the sky , down to the shore the sad queen cast her eye ; where when she doth the empty port survey , and now the fleet with mings display'd at sea , her hands held up , her golden tresses torn , must we , says she , of force indure this scorn ? can we not have recourse to arms ? nor meet this fraud with fraud ? not burn this wicked fleet ? hast , fly , pursue , row , and let every hand snatch up with speed some swift revenging brand . [ englished by edm. waller and sidney godolphin esquires . ] this is no surprize to the hearers : they are so well prepared for it , that they would have wonder'd if the beginning of this speech had been less passionate . the practice of seneca is quite contrary . if he has any recital to make , which ought to imprint some great passion or other ; he takes away from both his personages and his audience all the inclinations they might have towards it . if they are possess'd with the sorrow , fear , and expectation of some dreadful thing ? he will begin by some fine and elegant description of some place or other , which only serves to shew the copiousness ; and the poignant , bloomy wit of a poet without judgment . in the troad , hecuba and andromache were disposed to hear of the violent and barbarous death of their son astyanax , whom the grecians had thrown from the top of an high tower. it mightily concern'd them indeed to know , that among the croud that flock'd from all parts to that sad sight , * some there were who stood upon the ruins of the old decay'd buildings , others whose legs trembled under them , because they were mounted a little too high , &c. people that have the patience to speak or hear such idle stuff , are so little inclin'd to weep , that they had need have notice , as the mercenary mourners of old had , when 't is time to set up their whine . the second thing we think necessary for the well managing the passions , and to make the auditors sensible of them , is to insert them in the poem pure and disengag'd from every thing , that may hinder them from producing their due effect . 't is necessary then , to avoid the vicious multiplicity of fables , where there are too many stories , too many fables , too many actions , the adventures too much divided and hard to be remembred , and such intrigues as one can't easily comprehend . all this distracts the mind , and requires so much attention , that there is nothing left for the passions to work upon . the soul should be free and disengag'd , to be the more sensible of them . we destroy our true sorrows , when we divert our thoughts another way : and how contrary will these troublesome applications be to the fictions and movement of poems ? of all the obstacles that destroy the passions , the passions themselves are not the least . they fight with and destroy one another : and if a man should mix together a subject of joy and a subject of sorrow , he would make neither of them sink deep . * horace informs us , that no poetical license will allow of this sort of mixture . the very nature of these habits impose this law. the blood and animal spirits cannot move so smoothly on in their usual way at quiet , if at the same time they are stop'd and retarded by some violence , such as admiration causes . nor can they be in either of these two motions , whilst fear contracts them from the external parts of the body to make them rally about the heart : or whilst anger sends them into the muscles , and makes them act there with a violence so contrary to the operations of fear . a poet then should be acquainted with both the causes and the effects of the passions in our souls . 't is there we are more sensible of them , and know them better than in the blood and the animal spirits . this knowledge , and the justness of his genius will make him manage them with all the force , and the effects they are capable of . and here we will propose two examples of that which we have said concerning the simplicity and the disengagement of each passion . the admirable must needs be predominant in the warlike vertues of a maid ; and this is the passion virgil makes use of in the episode of camilla : and on the contrary he has made pity to reign in that of pallas . this passion agrees very well with this young prince who is one of the heroe's party . but the poet does not mix these two passions together . he only shows in pallas all that ordinary courage that a young man is capable of . he fights turnus , but did not go out to attack him : he does not so much as wound him , nor put him in the least danger ; he only attends his coming , and * speaks to him more like one that fear'd not death , than one who expected to kill him . he is kill'd at the first blow ; and there is nothing extraordinary in it . but there is something more than ordinary in the lamentation which aeneas and the unhappy evander made upon his death . camilla on the contrary , made her self admir'd by a valour becoming a hero ; but she dies without being pitied . that which diana says upon the subject , deserves not the name of a lamentation in comparison to that which aeneas and evander made for pallas . besides , the speech of diana is said before her death , and is not in a place where it might have any great effect . in short , camilla is kill'd , she is reveng'd , and nothing more said about it . how many poets are there , that would have bestow'd a lover or two upon her , and endeavour'd to make an episode as moving as that of clorinda , and tancred ? this beauty did not escape virgil's view . * he says , that several italian dames courted her for their sons . this reflection shews us , that his thoughts were upon every thing , and that it was not without choice and judgment , that he omitted that which would have appear'd so beautiful to other poets . but he was not willing to spoil the vnity of the passion , nor put a stop to its effects . chap. x. how the narration ought to be active . the epick narration ought to be active . this qualification is so necessary to it , that aristotle's expression herein seems to confound the epopéa with the tragedy . 't is by this he begins to lay down rules for this first sort of poem . * 't is requisite , says he , that the epick fables be dramatick , like those that are in tragedy . now that which makes tragedy dramatick , and upon the account of which it has the name which signifies to † act , is , that the poet never speaks in it ; and that every thing is represented by the personages that are introduc'd , and who alone act and speak therein . from whence we learn , that since aristotle requires this qualification likewise in the epopéa , he thereby orders , that the personages speak likewise in this kind of poem . nor does he hereby exclude the narration of the poet. this can never be ; since he himself says that the epopéa is an imitation carried on by a narration ; and that in truth the narration of the poet is its form , which distinguishes it the most essentially from the actions of the theatre . but he means , that these two things ought to be so mix'd , that the personages speak very often . * homer , says he , who merits so much praise in other things , is especially to be admired for this , that he has been the only poet , who knew what he ought to do . for the poet should speak but little . the poetical imitation consists not so much in what the poet says , as in what he makes his personages say : the other poets shew themselves from the beginning to the very end of their poems . they imitate but seldom , and then they carry not on their imitation very far . homer uses a quite contrary method . after having said a very little himself , he presently introduces some one or other of his personages . this is what aristotle says , nor needs it any comment . to this famous example he has given us in homer we might join that of the latin poet , who speaks less in his aeneid , than he makes his personages speak . but the last words of aristotle are capable of two interpretations ; the first is , * homer says but little himself , and presently introduces a man or a woman , or something else that has manners ; but without that qualification he introduces nothing . so that all the words which follow the mention of a man or a woman , signifie a deity , or a feign'd person , which though in its own nature it has no manners , yet has some in the poem , into which allegorically one may bring all manner of things as well as into other fables . for this thought is taken from the nature of fables in general . when they are divided into different sorts ; by the term moracae , that is by the manners that are attributed to something that has none , we understand those , where for the personages we introduce beasts , plants , and such like things , which in their own nature have no manners . thus , for instance , in the fable of the olive-tree and the reed , the olive-tree is proud and vaunts it self because it stands so firm as not to bend to ev'ry blast of wind , as the reed does . whatever then is introduc'd into fables ought so necessarily and essentially to have manners , that the author is oblig'd to bestow them upon things that naturally are not endued with them . in short , if the names of man and woman which aristotle makes use of , do not properly signifie gods and goddesses , he would without doubt have omitted a great part of homer's personages . he has done well then in adding , [ or some other thing that has manners . ] and this will denote not only apollo , thetis , jupiter , and such like deities , who are angry , complain , and laugh as we do , but likewise the horse xanthus , that speaks in the iliad ; the horse rhebus , which mezentius speaks to in the aeneid ; ethon who laments the death of pallas , and ev'n fame who knows ev'ry thing , and takes such a pleasure in telling tales ; the winds that are so mutinous and seditious that they would have overturn'd the globe , and dashed heaven and earth together by this time , if jove had not taken care to set a king over them , who shuts them up close , and when he lets them out always keeps a strict hand over them . and this according to the first interpretation is what aristotle means , by these other things which have manners , which the poet introduces , and makes to speak in the fable . the other way of interpreting this passage of aristotle is to say , that he does not suppose that the speeches the personages are made to pronounce are the only means of making a narration active and dramatick , but that 't is so , when the manners are apparent , whether by the persons speaking or only acting therein , or by any other way , supposing you have a mind to give this precept a little larger extent . in this sense , not only the speech of dido to the princess her sister , to whom she discovers her passion for aeneas , would be dramatical ; but this qualification would be likewise in the verses that go before , where one may observe the agitations and the disquietude of this queen , who from the time she first fell in love , had lost all her quiet and repose . in this sense , the learn'd discourse of anchises to his son in the sixth book may be likewise reckon'd among the dramatical passages . first , because 't is not the poet that speaks , but one of his personages . yet i declare 't is my opinion , that this single qualification is not a sufficient reason why that which is spoken should be dramatical , if beside that , there are not manners to be observ'd therein . now there are manners in this speech of anchises . that which he says there , is the foundation of all the morality , the laws , and the religion which aeneas was going to establish in italy . so that the subject matter of this speech is a moral instruction wherein one may see the immortality of the soul establish'd ; and the causes of the passions and manners both of the living and the dead . but that which makes most for our purpose is , that this speech contains the manners , habits , and condition of anchises himself who spoke it , and of those who were in the same place with him . the poet having us'd no small skill to engage him thereto : each of us , † says he , feel the torments that are proper to him ; then are we sent to the elysian fields , where we , a few in number , spend our time , &c. but whatever aristotle's sense is , he does not seem to favour the simple explication of arts or sciences , which are without manners , and without action , and which have nothing of morality in them . if a man would speak like a poet , he must imitate homer , and conceal these things under the names and actions of some feign'd persons . he will not say that salt is good to preserve dead bodies from corruption and putrefaction , and that flies would presently fill them full of maggots : but he will say , that achilles designing to revenge the death of patroclus , before he perform'd the last offices to his dead body , apprehends that the hotness of the season would corrupt it , and that the flies that lighted upon his wounds , would engender maggots there . he will not barely say , that the sea offers him a remedy against the putrefaction he was afraid of : but he will make the sea a divinity ; he will bring it in speaking : in a word he will say the goddess thetis comforts achilles , and tells him , he might set his heart at rest , for she would go and perfume his body with ambrosia , which should preserve it a whole year from corruption . this is the way by which poets , if they would imitate homer , must speak of arts and sciences . one sees in this instance , that flies breed corruption , and fill dead bodies with maggots . one there sees the nature of salt , and the art of preserving dead bodies from corruption . but all this is express'd poetically , and with all the qualifications requisite to that imitation , which according to aristotle is essential to poetry : all is reduc'd into action . the sea is made a person that speaks and acts , and this prosopopoeia is attended with passion , tenderness , and interest . in short there is nothing therein but what has manners . this instance may suffice ; it is plain , obvious , and easie to be understood . we may for diversion sake produce another from a science a great deal more mysterious . the chymists have too good an opinion of their philosophy , and too much esteem for virgil ; than to think he was wholly ignorant of their art. there are some that observe , that he has express'd as clearly as themselves , some of their choicest operations . these gentlemen are not satisfied with ordinary metaphors and allegories , such as poets use : but they carry on these figures and disguises to the utmost obscurity of a riddle . no inconvenience then would follow , should they suppose the hero of the aeneid to be a man who makes a discovery of that gold , which is produc'd after a miraculous manner , and which is reproduc'd and increas'd incessantly from the very first time of its being discover'd . the principle of this happy discovery is piety , industry , á genius , and the blessing of heaven ; aeneas was not deficient in any of these . but 't is requisite several things should be divin'd ; for this reason helenus sends aeneas to sibyl , he follows his advice , and sees the two birds of venus . these are the two extracts of vitriol : for that green mineral , which contains them , is a sort of copper , that goes under the name of this goddess . i omit the rest , and leave it as i found it in the books where by chance i did read of it ; at least it will suit well enough with the justice of that advice sibyl gives aeneas upon the account of the difficulty of this discovery , and the small number of those who succeed in it ; and that lastly , as she says , this undertaking is not fit for a wise man. but to return : we may likewise reckon among the subjects that are not poetical , the descriptions of palaces , gardens , groves , rivulets , ships , and a hundred other natural and artificial things ; when they are too long , and made after a simple , proper manner , without allegories . this is what horace calls purple shreds , which poets sometimes place very ill , thinking that those faults will prove the finest ornaments of their works . thô this may be good in the lesser poems . i believe i have already spoken in some other place concerning the manner of making the narration active , which is proper and essential to the fable . and that is to reduce the precepts and instructions we would lay down , into action . virgil abounds with instances of this nature . his hero is a legislator , but 't is in a poem . so that he does not appoint that such a sacrifice should be made , or such ceremonies observ'd : but he does all this himself . he does not command one should submit to the gods , nor does he prescribe a way how to punish the profane ; but he demonstrates at large the dreadful torments that attend these miscreants . chap. xi . of the continuity of the action , and the order of the narration . the continuity , which the action ought to have in the narration is a consequence of what has been already said , and will serve as a principle to that we are about to observe concerning the order which the poet ought to mind in the recital of all his action . 't is upon this principle we shall judge , when the poet is permitted to begin the narration by the beginning of his action , and to relate every thing one after another , just as they happen'd and in their natural order ; and when , on the contrary , he is oblig'd to invert this order , and make use of the artificial one , beginning his poem by the incidents of his action , which happen last perhaps in order of time . in the first place we will treat concerning continuity . from the time the poet begins to rehearse his subject , from the time he opens his poem , and brings his personages , if i may so say , upon the stage ; he ought so to continue his action to the very end , that none of the personages be ever observ'd to be idle , and out of motion . this continuity is sometimes to be met with in the action it self , and in the first model of the fable . of this nature is the action of the iliad . apollo is provok'd , and sends the pestilence into the grecian army . agamemnon pacifies his anger , the soldiers recover of their distemper , and afterwards fight . patroclus and hector are kill'd , their funeral obsequies are over ; and so the action ends in less than fifty days without any interruption and discontinuity . but when the action lasts for several years , as in the odysseïs and the aeneid , it cannot be continu'd , thô 't were interrupted by nothing else but the winter-season , a very unfit time for wars and voyages , which are the usual subjects of poems . vlysses tarries a whole year with circe , and seven with calypso : and aeneas spent several years in thrace , where he does nothing worthy to be recited by an epick poet. and perhaps he was more than a year in sicily during his fathers sickness , and their mourning for his death . so that the actions of these two poems are not continued . but thô the actions are not continu'd , yet the narration ought to be so , as we hinted before . there is no difficulty in managing the actions that are continu'd . the poet has nothing to do but rehearse them in their natural order , and relate the things one after another , just as they happen'd : this is what homer has done in his iliad . when the action is long and discontinu'd , the poet relates it in an artificial order . he takes nothing for the matter of his narration , but what towards the end of the action has something of continuity in it ; and for his own share he only relates this part . for this reason virgil has begun his recital just after aeneas left sicily , where anchises dy'd : and homer at the very first makes his hero quit the isle of ogyges , after he had staid there seven years , all which time the poet le ts pass before the opening of his poem . in the sequel of the discourse , some probable and natural occasion arises for repeating the most considerable and necessary things which went before these beginnings . the love dido conceiv'd for aeneas made her extreamly curious to know his adventures . this passion made the recital thereof so natural , that the * poet thought himself oblig'd to make it more than once . the phaeacans indeed had no interest in the fortune of vlysses ; but the poet supply'd that by making these dull fellows mightily in love with romantick adventures . this artificial order divides the action into two parts very different from each other . the principal part contains that which the poet relates . he takes but a little matter , but he treats of it amply , and with all the pomp and majesty his art can furnish him with . the other part is a great deal larger in the number of its incidents , and in its duration ; but 't is of less compass should you reckon the verses it takes up , and consequently in the circumstances and movements which make a great part of the beauties of the poem . but yet , if among the incidents which the poet is oblig'd to insert in that which we here call the second and least part of his work , there should be any one important incident , he may treat of this more largely than of the rest , as virgil has done the taking of troy. 't is true one may not treat of many of them after this manner : the rest should be more concise . besides one sees a great deal of difference between the death of priam describ'd in the recitals of the second book , and the death of camilla related by the poet in the eleventh . for thô that of camilla is doubtless less considerable as to the fable , yet the poet extends it more by half than that of priam. these two parts of the epick poem may be compar'd to two of the dramatick : † one of which is acted upon the stage before the spectators ; and the other comprehends whatsoever is done behind the scenes , and which we come to know of purely by the recitals which the actors make . * this last is less moving than the other ; and let aeneas's sorrow for his first wife creüsa be never so great , yet her death has nothing in it , whereby it deserves to be compar'd to that of dido . the division of the dramatick action we are now speaking of , † gives the poet an advantage of keeping from the spectators view , whatever would offend them ; either by its being two horrible , as a mother's butchering her own children ; or by its being too incredible , as the metamorphoses of a man into a serpent or a bird : whereupon these things should only be related . so likewise the division of the epick action gives the poet liberty to retrench from this action whatever would cause a confusion in the poem . the things that are improper for the epopea are not of the same nature with those , which ought to be excluded the theatre , since that which is good in a dramatick recital , is likewise so in an epopéa , which only discovers things to us by reciting them . but on the contrary , the things , that confound the epick poem , are such as are too languishing , and which cannot admit of that action and motion , which are the proper ornaments of this sort of poem . and this is what * horace orders to be excluded thence . and in truth how could virgil make his readers endure aeneas's constant attendance at his sick father's bed , together with the medicines , and fomentations which ought to be made use of to recall the spirits , and the natural heat into the cold limbs of this aged prince ? and the sorrow too of aeneas , which ought to have been very great , would have been but a sorry ornament of a poem : the readers would not have been affected with them . would they have bestow'd one tear upon the natural death of a person of his age , who had so little to do in this poem ? therefore has the poet very judiciously drawn a veil over all these things . by this means , the artificial order cuts off the languishing and unpleasant incidents , and the intervals of time that are void of action , which hinders the continuity thereof : and † by these retrenchments it gives the poem that continu'd force , which makes it run smoothly on throughout the whole , and bestows on it those beauties which the action in it self has not . * by this means it hastens towards a conclusion , and at first transports the readers into the middle of its subject matter , and always entertains in them a desire and expectation to see the events as soon as possible . our poets begin their narration so nigh the end , that the reader imagines the poem would end within a few verses . in the odysseïs , the gods order mercury to go to the isle of ogyges , where vlysses was detain'd by calypso . he was to charge that goddess to give him leave to depart , and furnish him with ev'ry thing that was necessary for his journey to ithaca . virgil approaches still nearer to a conclusion . his hero has already left sicily , and is upon his journey to italy . the second part begins much after the same manner : aeneas arriving at the country which the fates had promis'd him , finds there the gods and men who waited his coming with impatience ; and king latinus offers him his daughter lavinia , sole heir to his crown , in marriage . who would think then but this hero was very well settled , and the poem at an end ? but a storm casts him upon carthage and furnishes the poet with what fills the first part. the jealousie of turnus , who pretends lavinia was promis'd to him , and was his due , opposes the settlement of the trojans , and affords subject matter for the last six books . the beginning of the action is resum'd so pertinently that these large recitals of aeneas and vlysses make no interruption . aeneas relates all that preceded his arrival at carthage , and then the poet undertakes to tell what happen'd to him in that city . this series of things is so exact , that the first book may pass for a mere prologue , which informs us of the action in general , and which in perticular discovers the humors and interest of the persons that were to appear in play. the poet's practice is the same in his lesser episodes . venus so resumes the story of dido , and diana that of camilla , that what in this poem follows the recitals of these two goddesses , is the natural consequence of what they related . we may observe the same order in the odysseïs . but the death of archemorus , the funeral sports , and the march of the argives towards thebes , are by no means the consequences of that which is contain'd in the recital of hypsipyle . if our poets had made the recitals of vlysses and aeneas at several times they could not have connected them to the action that would have follow'd , and the order would have been less exact , and more irksome to the readers . let us now in a few words sum up all that has been said concerning the continuity of the epick narration , and the order homer and virgil have observ'd therein . they have so begun , that when once their personages have made their appearance , they never ceas'd from acting till the end of the poem . for this purpose , when the epick action was continu'd and of a few months duration , as that of the iliad ; the poet has related it himself in the natural order . but when it lasted for several years , as the two others did , the poets observ'd an artificial order , and the last part of their subject that was only continu'd , was all that they themselves related . they made their heroes relate all that went before , and that in one speech , made upon a probable occasion . they plac'd these recitals so well , that the things related therein , precede immediately , and without any interruption those which the poet at last relates himself . so that neither the mind , nor the memory of the readers are at a loss to rejoyn the consequence of the incidents , which they read in the poem . chap. xii . of the duration of the narration . according to the idea we have been proposing concerning the continuity and the order of the narration ; 't is requisite we should say thus much concerning its duration , viz. that the space of a year is to the epick narration , what the space of a day is to tragedy ; and that the winter is as improper for this great work , as the night is for the theatre ; since both being void of action , make a vicious interval , and an irregular discontinuity in these poems . so then , the duration of the epick narration only lasts one campaign , as the duration of the dramatick action lasts an artificial day . but we may carry on this parallel a little farther , and say , that as the time for the theatral representation is under debate amongst learned men , and the practice of the ancients has its obscurities , which ev'ry one interprets in favour of himself , either for the natural , or the artificial day : so the precise time of the epopéa admits of dispute ; for the practice of virgil in this matter is not very clear . first it may be said that the narration of the aeneid lasts a year and some months . and thus the account may go . aeneas parting from sicily after he had interr'd his father there , returns thither again a year after , and there celebrates his anniversary on the very day he dy'd on . † 't is a full year , says aeneas , since we interr'd my father , and now we are return'd hither again the same day he dy'd on . so that the narration beginning when aeneas left sicily , just after his father's death , that makes a whole year to the sports of the fifth book . by this means the time that is requisite for the rest of this book , for the sixth , and for the wars of italy , will be added to the year . one may reduce this narration into a precise year , by saying , that these verses cited out of the fifth book , do indeed inform us , that it was a full year since aeneas had interr'd his father in sicily ; but that neither these verses nor any others intimate that he left sicily immediately after this action . one may then with freedom suppose that he tarry'd there as long a time , as was afterwards requisite for his settlement in italy . from whence one will inferr that the narration is compris'd within the compass of a year of twelve months , and no more . each of these opinions supposes that the winter is comprehended in this narration , and that aeneas spent the whole of that with dido , in africk , as the poet plainly says in this verse spoken by fame . nunc hyemem inter se luxu quam longa fovêre . a third opinion supposes that the word hyems in this verse should not be understood for the winter-season ; but that it signifies , the same thing which it does in other passages of this very book , that have a necessary relation to this . * now in those other passages it does not signify the winter , but a season which the rising of orion renders tempestuous , and that happens in the summer ; for this constellation rises about the summer solstice . so that the poet had only a mind to tell us , that aeneas indulg'd himself in the amours of dido , all that time , wherein the rising of orion , for about six weeks , made him afraid to put to sea , and excus'd him from complying so readily to the orders of the gods , that summon'd him to italy . by this means all the narration of the aeneid will be reduc'd into the compass of one single campaign , making it to begin in summer , and to conclude before the end of autumn in the same year . this opinion is grounded upon several expressions of virgil , which seem more exact than the former , thô less agreeable to several interpretations . aeneas leaves sicily , and is cast upon the coasts of africk in the summer ; and this summer is already the seventh since the taking of troy. this is what the poet says in the person of dido , when she receives this hero into carthage . † this is now the seventh summer since your travels over so many countries , and so many seas . he spends in carthage neither the winter , nor any part of autumn ; but he parted thence before the end of summer . he arrives at sicily and there keeps the anniversary of anchises at the end of the same summer he came to carthage in ; since the poet says that this likewise was the seventh . * this is now the end of the seventh summer since the ruin of troy. lastly , the poem ends before autumn does , since the day before the death of turnus , the woods had still their leaves on , and cast their shadow . the poet says , that † turnus lay in ambush in a valley where the thickness of the leaves and the shade favour'd very much his design . by this means the narration of the aeneid will comprise only one campaign , and be all included within the two seasons of summer and autumn : * beginning at the solstice and rising of orion , which cast aeneas into africk ; and ending before the frosts of † autumn had strip'd the leaves off the trees . as there are reasons for both sides , so there are difficulties in both . some of them are reply'd to : and for those that seem unanswerable , we say , that the aeneid being uncorrect , we should not wonder if we cannot understand all . homer is a great deal clearer . he has made an exact journal of the time he allows his two poems . the iliad begins with a plague , which lasts ten days . the poet has allow'd as many for the grecians recovery . the battles , that follow next , end the fifth day . after that eleven days are spent in the funeral rites of patroclus , and eleven more likewise in the funeral of hector , and then the poem ends. the twice ten at the beginning , and the twice eleven at the end make just two and forty days , to which add the five in the middle , and the whole duration of the action and the narration amounts to seven and forty days . the days are not so well rang'd in the odysseis , but the account is altogether as exact . the poem opens with minerva . she frees telemachus from the dangers he was in at ithaca , and conducts him to pylos . the fourth day she goes up to heaven again , and brings it about that calypso be ordered to dismiss vlysses . on the morrow he begins a ship , and in twenty days finishes it ; the twenty fifth he sets sail , and after a voyage of twenty days is cast upon the island of corfu , there he tarries three days with alcinous . all this makes one and fifty days from the first opening of the poem to the arrival of vlysses in his own country . eight and twenty of them he spent with calypso , reckoning the four that preceded the building of his ship ; three and twenty days more he is upon his journey , part of which he spent at sea , and part with alcinous . a night after he arrives in ithaca . four days he remains incognito at eumeus's country house . on the fifth he went to his own palace , where he was in disguise two days , taking an account of what had happen'd and squaring his actions accordingly . the next night he kills his rivals , and on the morrow makes an end of discovering himself , and re-adjusting all his affairs . therefore adding these seven days to the one and fifty before ; the duration of the narration in this poem amounts to eight and fifty days . as for the seasons of the year the poet gives us an occasion to guess something about it . in the iliad where there is more action and violence , the days are longer than the nights , and the season very hot . and on the contrary , homer has assign'd longer and cooler nights to the prudence of vlysses ; placing the maturity of autumn in the odysseis , as he has the contagious heats of the summer in the iliad . the practice of homer then is without doubt to reduce the duration of the epick narration into the compass of a campaign of a few months . but the difficulty of knowing the design and intention of virgil , is the reason why 't is question'd , whether one might not advance it to the compass of a whole year or more , and whether the winter season ought in reason to be excluded thence . i found my self insensibly ingag'd in the examen of this particular question : i found it a great deal larger than i imagin'd , and i have discours'd very amply upon it , from whence several things may be deduc'd , that in my mind are of no small use for the understanding of the aeneid . i here propose this question about the time by way of problem , and freely leave others to determine and judge what they please . but yet i say , that in this uncertainty , two reasons rather incline me to a single campaign than a whole year . the first is , the practice of homer , which the latin poet commonly proposes as his exemplar , and who by wise men has been esteemed the most excellent model for poets to imitate . this reason makes so much the more for me in this treatise of the epick poem , because 't is founded upon that relation that is observable between the practice of virgil and that of homer , the rules of horace , and those of aristotle . the other reason is still more to my purpose ; and that is , that this reducing of it to one single campaign , is more conformable to that idea i have proposed concerning the fable , and the design of virgil in this poem . we have already considered aeneas as a legislator , and founder of the romans religion . he is so exact in observing all the ceremonies which were performed for the dead , that there is not the least colour he should omit one so considerable , as is that of mourning , especially for the death of his father , for which he spares no cost . this high veneration he has for him , makes one of the principal qualities of his character , and almost throughout the whole regulates the general character of the poem . now the mourning of the romans consisted in two things : the one is its duration , which lasted ten months : the other is , that the romans in this ominous and inauspicious time never undertook any thing of consequence . how then could aeneas dare to undertake his settlement in italy , which was then a business of the highest consequence to him ? so then , he was oblig'd to stay in sicily full ten months after the death of his father ; and having stay'd less than two months at carthage , he returned to sicily to celebrate the anniversary of his death , on the same day he arriv'd there . this agrees very well with the expressions of the poet which we have already cited . for the anniversary happens at the end of the seventh summer , a little more than a month after the solstice and rising of orion . aeneas then leaving sicily in summer during the rising of this constellation , which rais'd the tempest in the first book , he could not leave it the same summer anchises died , but must needs have left sicily the summer following , which is the seventh as the poet says , and the same in which he returns to the anniversary . by this means , he must needs have pass'd the autumn , the winter , and the spring in sicily , and have tarried there more than nine months before his parting for carthage ; but he went out and came back again to it the same summer . in the other opinions i neither find the conformity of virgil with homer , nor the observation of the roman mourning , to which i really think aeneas was oblig'd as much as he was to the other ceremonies in which he was so punctual . but these reasons which make for me may not perhaps make for others . i only propose them as i was oblig'd . 't is for philosophers and criticks to examine things , to propose reasons , and to make them intelligible , and 't is for the reader to draw his inferences . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book iv. concerning the manners of the epick poem . chap. i. concerning the manners in general . under the name of manners we comprehend all the natural or acquired inclinations , which carry us on to good , bad , or indifferent actions . this definition contains three things , the first is the manners themselves which we call inclinations , whether they have their source and origin in our souls , such as the love of sciences and vertue ; or whether they proceed from the constitution of the body , as anger , and the rest , which we have in common with the brutes . the second thing is the cause of those manners , which is either nature , or our choice , and industry , according as they are either natural or acquir'd . the third thing , is the effect of the manners , namely actions whether good as that of aeneas , or bad as that of achilles or indifferent as that of vlysses . those manners are good , which incline us to vertue , and vertuous actions ; those bad which incline us to vice and sin ; and those are indifferent which incline us to indifferent qualities and actions . a right distinction should be made between real vertues , and those that appear such , and are only mere qualities . the real vertues , such as piety , prudence , and the like , make those who are masters of them good , praise-worthy , and honest-men . but real vices , such as impiety , injustice , fraud , and the like , corrupt and vitiate those , who are tainted with them . meer qualities in their own nature produce neither of these two effects , such as valour , art , the knowledge of sciences , and the like . solomon could still preserve the knowledge of the sciences even when he was become an idolater . aencas and mezentius were both valiant , yet one was a pious and a good man , the other an atheistical and profane fellow . 't is farther observable that among the inclinations , there are some which belong more peculiarly to some particular adventure , and that are only of use upon certain occasions : such for instance are valour , clemency , and liberality . others are more universal , and appear in every thing , such as are good nature and a passionate temper . for a man may be passionate , and violent , not only in war , but at a council board , and upon all other occasions , as achilles was ; or he may be mild and good-natured even in the heat of battle , as aeneas . we shall call this last species of general and universal manners the character of such or such a person , and will treat of it more particularly . the causes of our manners are either wholly external , or wholly internal , or they may be considered as partly external , partly internal . the external causes are god , the stars and our native country . the mixt causes are our parents and education . the internal causes are the complexion , the sex , the passions , and the actions whereby we contract these habits . the effects of our manners are the discourses , the designs , and the essays we make to do such or such a thing , and the good , bad , or indifferent actions . poetry is not the only thing , where the manners are of use . philosophers , historians , geographers , and rhetoricians treat of them as well as poets . each of these in his own way . but the poet has need of all . and beside these , there are a vast number of things , which he is indispensibly obliged to be acquainted with , that he may make his personages speak , and act regularly . whatsoever has been said on this subject , yet i cannot wholly pass it over . i shall only content my self to apply it to the practice of virgil. therefore before i treat of the poetical manners , i will explain at large what i have proposed concerning the causes of the manners , and i shall say something concerning the manners that are foreign to poetry . chap. ii. of the causes of the manners . god is the chief of all the causes in general , we shall look upon him here in particular , as the most universal and first cause of the manners . he is the author of nature , and disposes of all things as he thinks fit . this cause renders the manners of aeneas good even to admiration . 't is superfluous to show how this hero is favour'd by jupiter , since we see juno , who prosecuted him , loves and esteems his person . the stars , and principally the signs and planets , are the second cause of the manners . the * poet takes notice what influence they have upon men. when in the person of dido , he proves from them that the tyrians are not so dull , but that they know what esteem ought to be had for virtue . but is it by chance , think ye , that this poet , who elsewhere was so skillful in astronomy , causes the planets to act in favour of his hero conformable to the rules of astrologers ? of the seven there are three that favour him , jupiter , venus , and the sun : all three act visibly in the poem in behalf of aeneas . there are three others , whose influences are malignant , saturn , mars , the moon or diana . if they act 't is indeed against the hero. but they appear so obscurely that one may say virgil has hid them below the horizon . lastly , mercury , whose planet is said to be good with the good , and bad with the bad , acts visibly as the good planets do , but he never acts alone , 't is jupiter that always sends him out . and this is the horoscope which the poet makes for the birth of the roman empire . the third external cause of the manners is the country in which one is born. virgil bestows great commendations on the country of his hero , and advances it far above greece . * as long as troy was assaulted fairly by force , it always remained victorious . 't was only the fraud and treachery of the grecians , that gain'd the mastery over the generosity of the trojans . so that according to their countries , the one party are brave and generous , the other knaves and cheats ; the one civil , the other barbarous ; the one hardy , the other nice , &c. after these causes , that are properly external , follow next the fathers and mothers whose blood is derived down to their children . we cannot say that the parents are such causes as are altogether foreign to the inclinations of those who are formed from their substance . let us apply this to our subject . aeneas sprang from the royal blood of troy. the first princes of this family were as virtuous , as powerful . but in process of time these two things were divided into two different branches . ilus left the crown to laomedon , and his virtue to assaracus . priam and paris were heirs to the first , anchises and aeneas to the second . by this means the poet bestows upon his hero the good inclinations of his ancestors before ever he restored to him the regal power . his piety deserv'd the sceptre of his fathers , and the perfidiousness of the other branch was the cause that priam's family was extirpated . the innocent themselves felt likewise the smart of it , as * virgil observes of polydore . this is more clearly expressed by the greek poet. † he lays down the genealogy of priam and aeneas , and adds that jupiter hated the family of priam , and that notwithstanding aeneas was to command the trojans and transmit the empire to his posterity . these are the advantages aeneas derived from his father . his mother was the goddess , from whom he deriv'd the character of good nature , and meekness which was the finest ornament of his manners . parents likewise hand down to their children , their nobility , which often makes a great deal of difference between those , that are noble , and those that are not . now that which happens often , or ordinarily in these things is the rule which the poet ought to go by . it would argue ignorance , or childishness to do otherwise : and one should fall under these censures , if for instance , one should cause a poetical person to be born under an unlucky constellation , to whom we would give good inclinations and a happy fortune ; whatsoever instances may be opposed against the pretended doctrine of astrologers , yet that which is admirable , and extraordinary in poets , does not consist in contradicting the common received opinion about these things . education is another cause of the manners which depends upon the two former , to wit , the care and quality of the parents . virgil has not forgot this cause . those likewise with whom one converses , contribute very much towards those various inclinations that proceed from education . whether one suits himself to their humour , or whether that conformity of humours makes these conjunctions , and presides o'er the choice of friends , the companions of aeneas are good , sage , and pious persons ? * japis his physician prefers his skill in physick beyond the glory of arms , even in that only design of prolonging the life of his old father . education depends likewise on the government and the state , under which one is brought up . one conceives quite different sentiments under a monarchy , than one should do under a common-wealth . this point was of some moment to our poet , who was willing to change the inclinations of his audience . 't is upon this account that the inclinations of all the personages in the aeneid are unanimously for a monarchy . and though the thuscans who were used cruelly by mezentius , revolt from him , and drive him thence ; yet this is not as the first brutus did , to change the face of the state , by banishing both the king and his power together , but in order to submit themselves to a more just monarch . we may take into the number of mixed causes , the riches , the dignities , the alliances , and the other goods of fortune , which we possess ; upon which i will only make this reflection : that a king , or general of an army , do not always act in that character . achilles was both . but he preserves nothing of his sovereignty , but that independency by which he refuses to obey agamemnon , as otherwise he ought . the fable requires only this , and homer has said no more of it . his achilles is rather a private man , and a single voluntier , who only fights in his own quarrel , than a king or a general . so that nothing of all the good that is done any where else , but where he is present , is owing either to his valour or his good conduct . virgil's hero is quite of another make . he never divests himself of his dignities ; he acts in the full character of a general . and this advances his martial atchievements to a higher pitch of glory than those of achilles . the absence of both these heroes gives their enemies great advantage against them , and is an evidence how great and necessary the valour of both of them is . but this is peculiar to aeneas , that whatever good is done in his absence , is owing to his conduct . two things preserved the trojans from the rage of turnus : the one is the rampart and fortifications of the camp they were intrenched in . aeneas himself designed and over-looked these works . the other is the good order they observed to defend themselves : and in this they did no more than what he ordered them at parting . and here is a glory which the hero in the iliad can make no pretensions to ; and if one would compare both together , achilles is a valiant soldier , and aeneas a compleat commander . the last causes of the manners , which we propounded , are purely internal . the chief and most general of these is the complexion . poets place high characters upon bodies of the largest size , and the finest make . * virgil gives his hero the stature and visage of a god : and he observes * that vertue is most charming , when a good soul is lodged in a body that resembles it . the complexion varies according to the difference of ages and sexes . turnus is younger than aeneas , because aeneas ought to be sage and prudent , and turnus furious and passionate like another achilles . i will not transcribe here what horace has writ concerning the manners that are proper to every age. as for the sex , aristotle says in his poetry , that there are fewer good women than bad ; and that they do more mischief than good in the world. virgil is but too exact in copying this thought . venus is the mother and protectress of aeneas : she seems to be good-natured through the whole . sibyl likewise favours him . cybele and andromache are well-wishers to him , and wish him no harm ; but they appear but little . for this small number of good women , how many bad ones are there , or at least such as bring a great deal of mischief upon this hero ? juno is his profess'd enemy , and employs against him iris , juturna , and alecto . dido thought of ruining him at carthage , and calls in to her aid her sister , a nurse , and an inchantress . the harpies drive him out of their island . * helena is a fury that ruines the trojans and graecians themselves . the trojan women , though his own subjects , set his fleet on fire . amata contemns the order of the gods , and the will of the king her husband ; and with the latin women first blows the trumpet to rebellion . † sylvia puts her upon it . the women , that were most esteemed by this hero , brought insupportable troubles upon his head. at the end of the second book , one may see his sorrow for creüsa . and ‡ the innocent lavinia is the cause of all the miseries he suffers in the six last books . camilla bears arms against him , but she gives us an occasion to make a more particular reflection . virgil , in her , has given us a pretty example of the inconstancy of the sex. it seems as if this courageous damosel was brought in to fight , only to teach other women , that , war is none of their business , and that they can never so far divest themselves of their natural inclinations . there still remains something in them which will prove the ruine of themselves , and which is a great prejudice to those who relie upon them . the poet does admirably apply this point to the manners of that sex ; and makes use of this heroine in the case , who seems to be wholly of another make . in the heat of the battel she perceives a warriour with rich amour . she was presently for having the spoils of this enemy ; and the motives the poet gives her are looked upon as a woman 's greedy desire . this levity of the sex makes camilla forget her dignity , and the taking care of her safety , and 't is followed with very mischievous effects . she is killed , the cavalry routed , and aeneas preserved from an ambuscado he was just falling into . the passions likewise are the internal causes of the manners . if we love any person , we love all we see in him , even to his failings . if we hate any one , we have an aversion for even his perfections : so great a power has passion over us . when dido loves aeneas , this hero , in her eye is nothing less than a * god. † but is she incensed against him ? then he is no longer one of humane race , but some hard hearted rock of mount caucasus is scarce good enough to be his father . but the most excellent of all the causes of each man's manners is his own actions . this cause imprints the strongest habits . 't is that in which we have the greatest share . 't is that which creates to us the greatest honour , if the manners it produces be good ; and , which on the other hand is our greatest shame , if they be bad . virgil has very divinely touched upon this cause , when he says that next after god , good manners are the chiefest and the best recompence of good actions . * ye brave young men , what equal gifts can we ; what recompence for such deserts decree ? the greatest sure , and best you can receive , the god's , your vertue , and your fame will give . [ englished thus by mr. dryden . ] chap. iii. concerning the manners of other sciences besides poetry . geography , history , philosophy , and rhetorick , teach nothing concerning the manners , but what the poet should be acquainted with . we will only here make a slight application of it to our subject . the geographers in the tracts they write concerning the situation of the seas and continent , do likewise inform us of the diversity of states and governments , of the employments , the inclinations , the customs of the people , together with the fashion of their habits . the speech of remulus , in the ninth book of the aeneid , is all geographical . it contains the education of the italians , and their war-like manners adapted to every age ; and it ends with an antithesis , wherein he reproaches the trojans with the effeminacy of their clothing , as a certain sign that their inclinations were opposite to those he had been describing . there are several other passages in the aeneid , where this effeminacy of their apparel is described , and the reproach of it cast upon aeneas himself with some sort of emphasis . but virgil very dexterously turns off from his audience , who were the progeny of the trojans , this small reproach , which might else have reflected upon them . he says , that the romans did not derive from their fathers any of that effeminate fashion : but on the other hand , that the trojans accommodated themselves to the more manly and generous customs of the italians . history , as well as geography , describes the manners and the customs of states , and people in general . but history adds likewise thereto the inclinations and manners of particular persons , which it names . both of them treat equally of the manners as indifferent , writing with no other design than to demonstrate them as they really are . 't is true the notices they give , serve for the conduct of a man's life , and each man is to look upon the examples he meets with as so many precepts , which teach him his duty . but this application does not so much belong to these two arts , as to moral philosophy . poetry takes from history and geography , what both of them say concerning the morals . the poet describes things in general , as geography does , and usually it claps them under particular names , as in history . sometimes it joins both these two things together , and makes the application of them it self . * virgil being about to describe the particular manners of sinon , advertises his readers , that in the villainy of this single graecian one might discover the wickedness of the whole nation . moral philosophy contains in it the simple knowledge of the manners , it suffers none that are either bad , or indifferent . it treats of them only with a design to render them good . the vertues are always good . these it proposes that we may embrace them . the vices are always evil , and it teaches how to avoid them . the passions in themselves are indifferent , it corrects what is ill in them , and puts us in a method how to make a right use of them , and bring them over to vertue 's side . there are some inclinations that are so indifferent they cannot alter their property . such are those of young children before they are capable of good or evil. philosophy looks upon them not to be so much manners , as the cause of future manners . we can produce an instance of this without quitting our usual guides . horace is no less a philosopher than he is a poet. † 't is worth taking notice what he relates concerning a man of canusium , servius oppidius by name . he had a plentiful estate left him by his progenitors . before his death he bequeaths two of his lordships to his two sons , and gave them this advice : i have observed that you , aulus , have managed your play-things after a careless manner , either gaming , or giving them inconsiderately away : and you , tiberius , on the other hand , are always counting your trifles , seem very anxious , and look about for holes to hide them in . this makes me afraid you will both ruine your selves by two contrary vices ; the one , by being as prodigal as numentanus ; the other as covetous as cicuta . wherefore i charge you both , and conjure you , by the guardian-gods of our family , that you , aulus , diminish nothing of the estate i leave you , and that you , tiberius , never increase it ; but live contented with what nature , and your father , think sufficient for you . this is the way philosophy treats of the inclinations of children . the conclusion , and all the commands of this prudent father , are for riper age. virgil treats of the doctrine of the passions , not only as a moral , but as a natural philosopher . he renders a reason of these things from the matter whereof bodies are composed , and from the manner whereby they are made , and united to the souls . but he does it in a poetical way , and very suitably to his subject . as rhetorick proposes a different end to it self , so likewise does it treat of the manners after a different way . the orator's design is not to render his audience better than they are ; he is contented if they are but convinced of that he undertook to convince them of . the better to effect this , he sides with their humour , and their interests , as far as his cause will bear . he appears modest , prudent , and a man of probity , that we may hearken to him with delight , that we may relie upon him , and that we may believe that he neither designs to impose upon us , or is in the wrong himself . he gives us a quite contrary idea of those he speaks against . in a word , he never troubles his head with considering which are his own true inclinations , or what the inclinations of others are , but studies to represent them all such as they should be , for him to gain his cause ? the poet should know all this , that so he may the better make his personages speak . we might say that our poets might look upon the ancestors of their audience , as orators do those in whose behalf they speak . besides virgil might have considered dido as his enemy . the treachery of hannibal , and the carthaginians ; would have dispensed a roman poet from some civilities , which else , perhaps , one might think were becoming him . but the fable does sufficiently regulate the manners of all the personages , and 't is to this one should have the chiefest regard . the poet as well as the orator has his auditors . all the difference i find is , that they are not so few in number , nor so fickle , nor so subject to particular passions and inclinations . the poet writes for his whole country , he must be read every hour , at all times , and by sober persons . he has nothing then to do , but to study in general the humour of his own nation , and the good inclinations of his prince , if he lives in a monarchy as virgil did . but if a prince has bad inclinations , and an author is so complaisant as to spoil his poem , the better to accommodate himself to them , he exposes himself to very shameful censures . the poet , as well as the orator and philosopher , is obliged to appear a grave , prudent , and honest man. for this reason , and because he is obliged to teach us vertue , he is engaged to be perfectly acquainted with morality , and to be truly vertuous . this is a practical science ; and is not learnt by empty speculations . it a good and solid moral does not correct our passions , 't is almost impossible but our passions will make us think the moral false . we are not apt to condemn those faults in which we take delight . we had rather believe that there are not vices , than acknowledge that we our selves are vicious . if horace had reason to say , that homer would not have given such commendations of wine if he had not lov'd it . what can one think of those who take so much delight and pleasure in that which is the most shameful and criminal in our passions ? who make of them the most moving and tenderest passages of their poems ? and who turn all infamous amours into such gallantries as an honest man and a generous cavalier may reckon among his good fortunes ? one shall never make vice odious , if one represent nothing of it but what is amiable and pleasant . those who represent it only under a plausible disguise , give us reason to think , that they only expose it more to view thereby , and that their lives are of a piece with their moral , and their writings . if there are any readers that are of the same mind , 't is not to those a man should suit himself . this would be on the other hand to destroy the most essential rules of poetry , and the fable . a pernicious art is no art , or at least one not to be tolerated . if there are no other readers to be met with , and if a poet is oblig'd out of complaisance to be debauch'd , woe to those who encourage such a corruption ; and who prefer the glory of being poets , to that of being honest men. these reflections are not beside my subject , since they serve to shew what is the practice of homer and virgil. these pagans have not sullied the majesty of their episodes by these vicious delicacies . ulysses is cold to circe's charms . he is melancholy with calypso . bryseis and chryseis only inflame agamemnon and achilles with anger . camilla has no gallants . there is scarce mention made of turnus's passion for lavinia . and all the amour of dido is treated only as a vicious treachery for which this misurable queen is punish'd severely . chap. iv. of the manners of poetry . that which is peculiar to poetry in the doctrine about the manners , is , to make the reader know what are the inclinations which the poet bestows upon his personages , whether good , bad , or indifferent , no matter which . aristotle defines the manners of poetry thus : * the manners , says he , are that which discovers the inclinations of him that speaks , and that whereby we know on what he will determine , before one sees that he is carried that way or actually rejects it . from whence this philosopher concludes , † that the manners are not always in all sorts of discourses . an instance will clear this definition . in the first book of virgil , aeneas appears to be very pious , and more forward to execute the will of the gods , than any other thing . in the fourth book a very difficult choice is proposed to him . on one side gratitude , love , natural tenderness , and several weighty considerations , engage him not to part from dido : on the other side , an express order of the gods commands him to italy . before any one sees what side he will take to , and on what he will resolve , that which he has said ought to have demonstrated what his will and what his inclinations are , and to what he will determine . his former speeches which discover to me his future resolution , are the poetical manners . these make one foresee that he would leave dido , and obey the gods : he does so : the manners then are good , and duly order'd . if to stay with dido , he had disobey'd the orders of jupiter ; the manners would have been bad ; bad , because they would have made one foresee a choice , and a resolution quite contrary to that which he ought to take . but if nothing had foreshewn me the resolution of aeneas , nor what side he had taken to , nor the contrary , in this case there would have been no manners . therefore , as in philosophy the manners are good when they make that man so in whom they are ; and they are bad when they incline him to vice and evil actions : and as in rhetorick they are good when they manifest the person that speaks to be honest , prudent , and sincere , and the person against whom he speaks to be guilty of the contrary vices ; and evil when he that speaks seems vicious , and imprudent ; and his adversary sage , and well advised independantly from what they are in reality : so likewise in an epopéa the manners are good when one may discover the virtue or vice , the good or bad inclinations of those who speak or act ; but bad when a good man appears vicious , or a wicked man seems to have good inclinations . so that the manners of aeneas , and those of the athei st mezentius considered poetically , are both equally good , because they equally demonstrate the piety of the one , and the impiety of the other , which are the characters the poet bestowed upon them , and under which they are always represented by him . but in the hippolyte of seneca the manners of phaedra's nurse are very bad , because this woman is very wicked , and speaks very fine things . at first she perswades this unhappy queen , passionately in love with her son-in-law , to the virtue of continence . * 't is passion , says she , which to countenance the vice , is not ashamed to make love a god ; and for a greater licentiousness therein , it has disguised this infamous brutality under the name of a false deity , &c. when a body hears a long speech full of those chaste thoughts , would not one think that she who speaks is chastity her self come down express from heaven to banish from the earth all unlawful love ? but yet observe what a part this nurse acts in the remaining part of the poem . 't is she her self that speaks , and explains her character . † if the amorous flame rages so much within your breast , never value what the world says of it . common report seldom favours virtue and truth : but speaks favourably of the most profligate , and says worse of good men than of others . let us try to bend the mind of this stubborn and untractable youth . let it be my business for once . let me take this rough young-man to task , and for your sake touch the very heart of this resentless creature . here 's good morality turn'd out of doors in an instant . surely seneca's design in making her speak thus , was only to put her audience upon admiring her fine faculty of discoursing pro and con , and what a great many pretty sentences she had got by heart . let the case be how it will , since he had a design to make use of this nurse to debauch the chaste resolution of hippolytus , he makes her speak well enough this second speech , and he re-assumes the poetical goodness , when he quite the moral goodness , and when he makes her vent such profligate maxims . since then the goodness that is proper to the poetical manners is to make them appear such as they are ; it is necessary to observe , what are the things that discover to us the inclinations of the personages . the first thing is the speeches and actions . ‡ there are manners in a poem ( says aristotle ) if as we said the speeches and the actions discover to us any inclination . the poet makes his personages speak and act as he pleases . so that these two things are owing to him , they are wholly at his disposal . and they are the foundation of all the rest . when the manners are well exprest after this way , they are denoted purely and simply by the term good ; and this * goodness makes their first qualification . aristotle places it in the front of all the rest , that it may be the more exactly observed . † horace likewise orders the poet to be exact in demonstrating the manners . the second thing is the knowledge which a genius , study , and experience , gives us of the inclinations , that are proper to each person according to the complexion , the dignity , and all the other causes whether natural or acquir'd , internal or external , all which we mention'd before . as soon as the poet has given the dignity of a king to one of his personages , without hearing him speak , or seeing him act , we know that he ought to be grave , majestical , jealous of his authority , and the like . the inclinations should be suitable to that which the poet has proposed ; and ‡ this conformity and suitableness makes the second qualification of the manners . the third thing is the knowledge which we deduce from the fable or the history . this sort of discovery is comprehended under the name of common opinion or fame , for the reasons we have already mentioned . so that when a poet has nam'd alexander , we know that the inclination of this personage is all for greatness and glory , and that his ambition is larger than the extent of the whole earth . if he introduces achilles , we know he is angry , passionate , and impatient . the manners of these heroes in the poem should be like to that which fame has reported of them ; and this resemblance makes the third qualification of the manners . lastly , because the poems may be divided into two parts , as the aeneid , the one half whereof requires piety and patience , and the other violence and war , a man may fansie , according to these so different states , he may likewise make the characters of his hero different . and then the manners of each part will be good in particular . but because the speeches and the actions of the first part have discovered the inclinations which the poet gives his hero , and because the reader sees 't is so in the fable and history , and has the same effect as common fame ; this would be to offend against the first and third qualification if we change the character that is known : from whence it follows , that the poet is oblig'd to make it constant and even , that is , such at the end of the poem , as it appear'd to be at the beginning : and this † evenness of the character is the fourth qualification of the manners . so that there are four things to be observed in the manners : first , that they be good ; secondly , suitable ; thirdly , likely ; and fourthly , even . these four qualifications are comprehended in aristotle's definition ; so that if one should transgress any one of these , he would transgress this definition by making us pass a wrong judgment upon the inolinations of a personage , and the resolutions he ought to take . the most important and hardest thing is to distinguish these two sorts of goodness in the manners : the one , which we may call moral goodness , and which is proper to vertue ; and the other poetical , to which the most vicious men have as much right as the vertuous . it consists only in the skill of the poet , to discover rightly the inclinations of those he makes to speak and act in his poem . that which raises the greatest scruple , is , that the poetical manners suppose the others ; and aristotle not only speaks of these two sorts in his poesie , but farther , he makes use of the same ‡ term to express these two sorts of goodness . to wind our selves out of this difficulty , 't will not be amiss to begin here , by examining , whether according to aristotle , the poetical hero ought necessarily to be an honest and vertuous man. for if this be not so , then 't is plain that when aristotle requires for the first and most principal quality of the manners that they be good , he would not be understood to speak of that moral goodness which makes men good , and which is inseparable from vertue . so that though we do not perhaps penetrate through all the obscurity of this expression , yet we shall at least know the bottom of his thoughts . and since this question is necessary , we shall not stick to add reason , and the authority of others , to that of aristotle ; and that will establish it the better . chap. v. whether the hero of the poem ought to be an honest man , or no ? this question will seem unreasonable to those who have but one single idea of their heroes ; and who acknowledge none of that name , but those excellent men who are endued with every virtue , are masters of their passions , and all their inclinations , and whom an excellent and divine nature raises above the rest of mankind . but neither the ancient poets , nor the masters of this art ever thought of placing their heroes in so high a sphere , without thinking it lawful to put them in a lower form : 't is requisite then to make the same distinction between a hero in morality , and an hero in poetry , as we did between moral and poetical goodness , and to say that achilles and mezentius had as much right to the poetical goodness ; as vlysses and aeneas : so that these two cruel and unjust men are as regular heroes of poetry , as these two princes that are so just , so wise , and so good. in the poem it self this term admits of two sences . sometimes it signifies indifferently all the persons of note . so that not only aeneas and turnus , but likewise entellus in the sports of the fifth book , and misenus the trumpeter of aeneas in the sixth , are styl'd heroes by the poet. but though the name of hero may be also bestow'd on other personages , yet there is so particular an application of it made to the first , that when one simply say ; the hero , by that name we understand only achilles in the iliad , vlysses in the odysseïs , aeneas in the latin poem ; in a word the principal personage in any poem . there is likewise a particular signification of the word heroick when 't is used to denote an epopéa , and so distinguish this sort of poem from others . aristotle and ovid give this name not to the poem , but to the verses made use of therein , and which they likewise call hexameter verses . this last has been almost the only name we have retain'd . if we should call epick poems heroick poems , because of the heroick verses that are made use of therein , one might with as much reason call the french epopéas alexandrine poems , since the verses they use in these poems are called alexandrines . and if the name heroick comes from the personages of the poem , who are styl'd heroes ; tragedy would be as much an heroick poem as the epopéa would , since the action and the personages of tragedy are no less heroick , than the action and the personages of the epopéa . but i question whether these reflections be so useful as to deserve so many words . they may only serve to discover to us the different use of the terms hero , and heroick among the ancients , and the moderns ; and to prevent condemning the first for such notions , which they never follow'd . when we know that they did not affix the idea of vertue , to these terms taken in a poetical sense , that they never confin'd the name of hero only to the principal personage in the poem , and that they did not call the epopéas by the name of heroick poems : we shall not in these works look for examples of a real and excelling vertue , and no one will wonder that horace has said on the contrary , that all the iliad where so many hero 's lost their lives , contains nothing but injustice , violence , passion , and wickedness . i have omitted one signification of the word hero , which may be considered as moral , and as poetical . in this sense we call some men that were born of some deity , and a mortal person , as achilles who was the son of the goddess thetis and peleus ; and hercules who was the son of jupiter and alomena . but this lays no obligation upon poets to make these heroes good men : because there were likewise wicked gods. and one may likewise observe that sometimes the poets do make these divine men very wicked persons , witness polypheme and cacus . * the first of these , though neptune's son , was a horrible monster , and devoured his guests and contemn'd jupiter himself . † cacus was the son of god vulcan , and yet virgil says , there was no villainy but this notable rascal would undertake . this is said in the general concerning all sorts of heroes , let us now take a particular view of the chief personages in each poem . aristotle says , * that an heroical and divine vertue is some thing more than humane ; and consequently that heroes are divine persons , and that the excellency of their nature raises them above all men. but he says this in his book , of morality . † in his poetry , he teaches a quite contrary lesson , that this chief personage of a poem whom we style a hero , should be neither good nor bad . but he would have him be between both , neither advanced above the rest of mankind by his vertue , and his justice , nor sunk below them by his vices and wickedness . there is nothing then of communication between these two sorts of heroes , one of which ought to be advanced by his vertue above the rest of mankind , and the other should not be in the same class with men of perfection . besides , it must be observed , that he only speaks of that which is the most compleat part in the poems , and not simply of that which is regular and allowable : and moreover , that this mean , which he requires , is for complex fables . so that he does not absolutely exclude from the number of these poetical heroes , neither persons of the greatest vertue , such as vlysses , nor the most vicious , such as ixion and medea . horace mentions these two last among the regular heroes . * he says , that she should be barbarous and inflexible , and ixion treacherous . certainly this critick never wrote his rules for irregular personages . but since lastly , both aristotle and horace approve of homer's practice in the manners he has given to achilles , and since they propose this hero , as a model for other poets to imitate ; the bad morals of this personage should convince us , that according to the rules of aristotle and horace , and according to homer's practice , 't is by no means necessary that the principal person of an epopéa should be an honest man. for never does an honest man prefer his own passion and private interest to the publick cause , the glory of his country , the honour and the life of his innocent friends . never did an honest man use such vile language as this to his general , go thou impudent , drunken , fearful fellow ; there are none but drones who obey thee . these contumelies are seditious , and of very bad consequence , and they are so much the more criminal , because he who said them might be the ringleader of a faction : a good man , if god denies him any thing , will never break out into a passion against him , and will never tell him that he will be revenged on him if he can . 't is only profane , and mad-men that speak thus . was aristotle ignorant of these continual extravagancies of achilles ? or did this learned philosopher take them for real vertues ? there is not the least colour for such a thought . we should more probably believe that aristotle considered this poetical hero only as a savage , directly opposite to the hero of his morality . for in the passage above cited , he opposes this brutality , to the heroick and divine vertues . because a god and a beast are incapable , the one of vice , and the other of vertue . and in truth the one of these natures is of too high , and the other of too low a pitch . laws are made for neither the one , nor the other of them . and is not this what horace says of the character of achilles ? he should not acknowledge that he was under the tye of any laws . therefore there is no medium ; he belongs to one of the two contraries which aristotle proposes , either above or below mankind ; he is divine or brutal . and which to fix upon is no hard matter . horace says he is a fool. homer , 't is true , has some faults , and * horace owns it ; but the character of achilles cannot be one of these faults , which are so few , are no offence , and are owing either to humane frailty , or a pardonable negligence . these are the faults horace censures , or to speak more properly , which he excuses in homer . and can this be applied to the character of achilles ? we conclude this point by confirming the practice of homer and the authority of aristotle and horace with a reason drawn from the essence of the poem according as we propos'd it . the moral does as well teach us how to avoid vices as ( in conformity to horace ) we said concerning the iliad and achilles ; as it does how to imitate vertue , as horace observes of the other poem , and the other hero of homer . and lastly the fable which is the very soul of the poem , and which is of the same nature in homer as in aesop , is as regularly capable of the most base and criminal men , and animals for its first and only personages , as it is of the most generous and the most praise-worthy . without dwelling then upon any new proofs which the inference will afford us , we may conclude , that reason and the nature of the poem , the practice of homer , and the precepts of aristotle and horace , do all inform us that 't is not at all necessary that the hero of a poem should be a good and vertuous man : and that there is no irregularity in making him as treacherous as ixion , as unnatural as medea , and as brutal as achilles . chap. vi. of the poetical goodness of the manners . what we are going to deliver here concerning the goodness of the manners , is only an explanation of what aristotle has writ about it in the fifteenth chapter of his poetry . the whole passage runs thus : * there are four things to be observed in the manners . the first and principal is , the method of making them good . there will be manners in a speech or action , if , as we before hinted , either one or the other discovers on what the person that speaks or acts will resolve . let these manners be vicious and bad , provided they foreshow vicious and bad inclinations ; or good and vertuous , provided they likewise foreshow good and virtuous inclinations . this happens in all sorts of conditions ; for a woman and a foot-boy will be good in a poetical sense , though commonly women are rather bad and vicious than good and vertuous , and foot-boys are of no account . this passage has somewhat of difficulty in it : perhaps i have changed it too much , by confining it to my sence ; but i had rather interpret it thus , than otherwise — after what has been said in the former chapter , i see not the least reason to apply this goodness which ought so strictly to be observ'd in the manners of the poetical persons , to morality and virtue . i am of opinion then , that we are to understand this of the poetical goodness ; and this is what aristotle would make out , when afterwards he says , that there will be manners in a speech or action if either of them foreshow any inclination , choice , and resolution , as i have already said upon the occasion of another of aristotle's passages , to which aristotle refers us . this will likewise serve to illustrate upon what account i have render'd the word 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 by this phrase , upon what he will resolve . this greek word signifies neither an inclination , nor a simple act of the will , without deliberation and choice ; but it signifies the choice which one makes , and the desire one has after some sort of deliberation . thus aristotle himself explains this term very largely in his ethicks . the word resolution signifies thus much , but being used alone , is too equivocal . aristotle adds , that the manners are bad , when the resolutions that are taken are so ; and that the manners are good , when the resolutions are good . i did not think that this goodness of the manners was a poetical goodness , and that his meaning was , that for the well ordering of the manners in a poem , 't is requisite that the persons which are introduced take such resolutions and designs as are just and good , that an author transgresses this rule , and makes the manners poetically bad , when the personages are determin'd to do a bad action . this interpretation would condemn the practice of homer in the person of achilles , in that of agamemnon , and in almost all the personages of the iliad , and odysseïs . certainly this was never aristotle's design . the aeneid it self would be liable to the same censure . dido , turnus , amata , mezentius , and several others , would spoil all the places where they act so viciously ; that is to say , they would spoil the whole poem , from one end to the other . i have therefore interpreted this place in a moral sence , and thought that aristotle intended to teach us , that the poctical manners are equally good , let them be in a moral sense good or bad , provided that the poet order matters so that they appear before hand to be such as either the good or the bad persons of his poem ought to have . the rest of the text confirms me farther in my opinion , and in the distinction i have made between the moral and the poetical goodness of the manners . aristotle says that the goodness of the manners he speaks of , may be met with in all sorts of states and conditions even amongst foot-men who have no goodness in them . without doubt a foot-man cannot be master of that goodness , to which he has no right . he will then be morally bad , because he will be a dissembling , drunken , cheating rascal , and he will be poetically good , because these bad inclinations will be well exposed . this instance of aristotle , and the application he himself makes of what he says , of the goodness of the manners to a foot-man , does teach us that he does not speak only in the behalf of heroes , let the word be taken in what sence soever , but that this goodness he describes , as well as the other qualifications of the manners , reaches to all sorts of poetical persons , from kings and princes down to foot-men and waiting boys . without excepting any one in comedy , tragedy and the epopéa . but though we mention the liberty poets have of putting vicious persons in a poem , yet this liberty has its bounds and rules , and they are not to suppose virtue and vice must go hand in hand together . 't is necessity and probability that regulate these two contraries . and they regulate them so , that when they give to vertue all that is possible , yet they allow vice only that which cannot be cut off from the poem without spoiling the fable . thus aristotle censures the vicious manners , not because they are vicious , but because they are so without any necessity for it . but he does not blame the obstinacy of achilles , as unjust and unreasonable as it was , because it was necessary to the fable . if achilles had received satisfaction from agamemnon before the death of patroclus , the action would have been at an end : or else achilles would have fought no more and so the fable would have been defective and imperfect : or else having no particular quarrel against hector , he would have fought only for the common cause , and consequently the siege and war of troy would have been the subject of the poem , and the action would have been episodical and spoil'd . 't was necessary then that achilles should be unjust and inexorable . but the poet carries the vices of achilles no farther than the necessity of the fable forc'd him , as we observ'd before . 't is time now to join the authority of horace to that of aristotle . certainly if the poet should take special care to make the manners good in a moral sense , there would have been as little reason to give the name of manners to indifferent inclinations in poetry , as in moral philosophy , and the masters in both sciences would have been equally ridiculous , if they had laid down rules and precepts for these sorts of inclinations . yet * horace has done it , and after he has advertis'd us , that the observing the rules about the manners is a business of the highest moment . the first things he presents us with to be observed , and on which he bestows the name of manners , are the most indifferent inclinations of any in the world. † a child , says he , that just begins to speak and walk , without leading-strings , is most passionately desirous of being with his play fellows . what follows is much the same or rather worse . for if it were not altogether an indifferent thing for the little creatures at this age to fly-out into a passion for nothing , to be pacified again as easily , and to change their minds every quarter of an hour , it would be a wicked thing . after the same manner does he treat of the inclinations of youths . they , says he , delight in horses , dogs , and the field . they are prone to vice , and can't endure to be reproved . 't is only to grown up men that he bestows honourable and rational inclinations . he ends all with the cross-grained humour of old-men , that are covetous , fearful , impotent , dull , testy and the like . now what moral goodness is there in all these inclinations ? and yet in this that horace recommends to the poets , we are to look for that goodness which aristotle says is the first and principal thing to be observed in the manners . and this is likewise what may be observed in the idea we have proposed of the poetical goodness , which consists only in representing the manners and inclinations just as they are , no matter whether morally good , or morally bad. horace , never speaking of vertue as a thing necessary , recommends the observing of the four qualities in the manners , which aristotle himself likewise requires . the first is , that they appear : the second , that they be suitable : the third that they be likely : and the last that they be even . with great reason then have we affirmed that the poetical goodness consists in discovering to the reader by the speeches and actions all the future inclinations and resolutions of the personages , who speak and act in the poem . chap. vii . of the three other qualifications of the manners . there is no such difficulty in the other three qualities of the manners in poetry as in the goodness of them . we have already explained in particular what suitableness they ought to have with the internal or external causes , which either raise or discover them in men. what resemblance the poet ought to give them to what history the fable or common report have publish'd of them ; and lastly what that evenness of them is which ought to be observed in each personage without permitting him to alter his character . we shall satisfie our selves with only making here some general reflections upon these three qualities . the first reflection we make is this , that sometimes these qualities happen so opposite in one and the same person , that if we would do justice to the one , we shall be unjust to the other . an instance of this may be observed in the emperour maurice : his inclinations would not have been suitable to the dignity of an emperour , if one should make him covetous , and they would not be like to what we know of him , if one should make him magnificent and liberal . in truth there is a sort of avarice which kings are capable of , to wit , the desire of heaping up vast treasures . such was the passion of polymnestor king of thrace which gave virgil an occasion to say , * that this inordinate thirst after riches , carried men on to strange extravagancies . † such was likewise the passion of pygmalion king of tyre . the question here does not lie concerning this sort of avarice , but concerning the sordid , base niggardliness which cost so many roman souldiers their lives . they were prisoners of war with the king of persia , who required but a very small ransome for them . maurice refuses to pay it , and by this base , unworthy denial of so small a sum for so weighty a consideration , he cast the conqueror into such a fit of passion , that he ordered all these miserable souldiers of so wicked a prince to be butchered immediately . it may be asked then what a poet shall do that he may neither offend against the suitableness of an emperour's manners , nor against the resemblance of them to that which is to be found in history about them ? in answer to this i say , that a man will not be perplex'd with these sorts of personages , if in the composition of his poem he will but observe the method i proposed in my first book . in the first place the author will make his fable with universal persons , and without names , and consequently without so much as thinking of maurice . and when he has a mind to make the episodes , and shall look out for particular names to give to his personages , if in his platform he meets with a miser , he will not think it adviseable to give him the title and dignity , either of a king or an emperour : and if in the same platform he meets with a liberal and magnificent person , to be sure he will never chuse the emperour maurice to act this part . so that to the question propounded it may be answered , that the emperour maurice whether liberal or covetous ; is not one that can regularly be brought into any poem . but he may be made use of therein , if the fable admits such a thing as the dissembling his avarice without changing it into liberality ; according to mr. corneille's practice in his heraclius . phocas could reap some advantage from this criminal passion of his enemy , and so render his cruelty against this prince somewhat less odious , maurice did indeed know that god made use of this tyrant to punish the crime , which his avarice put him upon committing : but this i doubt would have been against the suitableness of the manners , and the spectators would have been offended with this reflection . the poet has judiciously concealed this vicious inclination of maurice without attributing the contrary to him , which would likewise have offended against what was likely . one cannot then act contrary to the qualities of the manners , but we may sometimes omit them , and this is the second reflection i would make upon the subject . when a man omits the first quality , he necessarily omits all the rest ; since that is the only source and foundation of them . if the manners appear not at all , they will be neither suitable , nor likely , nor even , nor the contrary . this may be done in all the personages that are of no note in a poem , such as are the multitude of persons just mentioned in battles , and several others . because if the poet on one side is obliged to relate no action , nor incident without manners , interest , and passion , that the narration may be active and pleasant , and the minds of the readers may attend thereto : so likewise ought he not to admit of any more interested and passionate persons , than what he is precisely obliged to , without augmenting the number of them , that so the memory may not be over-burdened , nor the attention distracted to no purpose . so in the aeneid , we see but little of the manners of mnestheus , cloantes , messapus , vfenzus , and of so many valiant commanders , and other persons that have considerable posts in the poem . when we make the manners of a person appear but only once , we may make them suitable to his dignity , age , and sex , &c. we may make them like to what common fame has published of them , but 't is plain that there can be no equality of them , no more than there can be an inequality : on the contrary , it sometimes happens , that one and the same person is of an even and uneven temper at the same time . because this character , which in most men resembles the sun , whose equality consists in appearing always the same ; * in others is like the moon , whose equality consists in changing her faces four times a month : sometimes this inequality proceeds from age , as horace has observed in † children and youths . they owe this to the softness and the want of due consistency of their brains . objects are very easily impressed upon them , and these images are as easily wip'd away by the impression of new objects , or meerly by the motion of the animal-spirits . but it happens in some persons , that their brain-pan is never closed sufficiently . this was the misfortune of tigeltius augustus's fidler . it would be ill suiting one's self to his humour , and it would offend against what is likely , only to represent him always in the same vein . he was covetous and prodigal : as proud as a king in his dress , and clothed as meanly as a cobler . so active and diligent as to spend whole nights without a wink of sleep , and so lazy as to lie a-bed till the afternoon for it . lastly , if we would take * horace's word for't , there could nothing be added to the inequality of this man's humour . there is another inequality that is more common , but comes on more slowly , and that is the inequality of a man in the different ages of his life . † in his youth , he never thinks of heaping up wealth , but idly squanders it away . ‡ in his riper age he gathers it in , and lays it out as honourably . * and when he comes to be old , he seeks for and heaps up wealth with greediness , and is so far afraid of laying it out , that he had rather live miserably than spend a farthing upon the ordinary necessaries of life . this inequality is of little use in poem . it seldom happens that a poet represents one and the same person at his fifteenth , and at his sixtieth year , 't is the others that are of more use in poems . but when a poet introduces them , he ought to give his hearers timely notice , that this inequality is the express character that he gives to his personage . terence has something upon this subject in his brothers worth taking notice of . his demea is a testy and rough old gentleman , one that keeps a strict hand over his family , and thrifty to the highest degree . this was the constant course of his whole life , and he carried on this cross-grained humour to the very end of the play. and then he thinks of being better humour'd , more endearing and obliging and is concern'd for nothing . here is a strange inequality . yet the poet makes it very regular . demea himself gives his audience notice of it . never , says he , did man cast up the business of his life so exactly ; but still experience , years , and custom will bring in some new particulars that he was not aware of ; and shew his ignorance of what he thought he knew , and after tryal make him reject his former opinions . this is plainly my case at present : for since my glass is almost out , i renounce this rigid life i have always led . but why so ? because experience shews me there 's nothing like gentleness and good nature : and this truth appears plainly to all that knew me and my brother . he always spent his time in ease and pleasure ; always courteous , complaisant , spoke ill of no man , but carress'd all ; liv'd as he pleased , spent as he thought fit , the world bless'd him , and lov'd him too : but i that rustick , rigid , morose , pinching , brutish , griping fellow must needs marry ; and how have i smarted for 't ? i had children too , those were new troubles : and truly in building up their fortunes , i have worn out my life and the best of all my days : and now i 'm just marching off the stage , the fruit of all my labour is , to be hated like a toad . but my brother enjoys all the pleasure of a father without the drudgery : they love him , and fly me like the plague . him they trust with all their secrets , dote upon him , live with him , but me they slight : they both pray for his life , but long for my death : those i have brought up with the greatest labour , he has gained with a little cost , so i take all the pains , and he reaps all the pleasure . well , well , for once we 'll try what can be done , whether we can speak obligingly , and act the gentleman too ; since my brother urges me to 't , i 'de willingly have my children love and respect me too ; if gifts and compliments will do the feat , i 'll not be behind the best of them : but my estate must go to wrack : what care i for that ? since i have one foot in the grave already . but i enlarge too far upon a thing so well known as this comedy . terence carries on the reflection still farther , and ends it not till he ends his play , and he is so cautious in it that he leaves his audience nothing to guess at . * there is another inequality of the manners , that is occasioned by the change of a man's fortune , and which usually causes men to be of a low and dejected spirit , when they are in misery and distress , and fierce and proud when they are in power , and think they are masters of their fortune . a poet may range this suitableness , in the manners of persons , who are of an ordinary vertue , and who are more inclined to be vain and proud , than truly generous ; and by this conduct the equality will not be alter'd . but if he makes a person generous , then he should alter less by the change of his fortune . these personages should be as bold in their worst as in their best circumstances ; or as modest after a victory as after the losing of a battle ; according as the poet orders either fierceness or gentleness to be the commanding character he gives them . this last character is that which virgil bestows upon the trojans . they appear very humble before dido when the storm had used them so scurvily , and brought them under the mercy of the carthaginians . * never imagine , say they , that we are come , hither with a design to do you any harm . vanquished persons , such as we are , have neither power nor boldness enough to undertake any thing . this would denote a baseness of spirit , if they appeared such before their enemies , or if they treated them with scorn and cruelty after they had conquered them . but we see 't is true modesty , when we hear the same language from them after a victory . aeneas overcame the latins in a hot engagement , their legates fell at his feet beseeching him to give them leave to burn their dead ; and he was so far from shewing the least arrogancy , * that he even excuses his being forc'd to conquer them , and declares to them that his desire was only for peace . let us now make a reflection upon the resemblance the manners ought to have with what common fame has published of them . this quality has this peculiar to its self that one may observe the rest in all sorts of personages , and one may likewise commit faults against them always . but there are some persons in whom there is nothing to be observed either for , or against the resemblance . these personages are of two sorts . the one are such as are wholly invented , as are all those of comedies , and almost all the personages of the epick poem and tragedy , since in both there are but a few names taken from history or the fable . the second sort is of such , that are really taken from history , but whose manners are known by few , and of whom common fame has said nothing : for in this case 't is plain , one cannot give them inclinations , that are like or contrary to what common fame has said of them ; since she has said nothing about them . so likewise aristotle does not oppose names taken from history to names that are invented , but he opposes to them names that are well known . the same we may affirm of the manners . dido of the aeneid is of this second sort . the poet having feigned in his fable such a personage as we perceive this queen to be , the obscurity of history gave him entire license to make use of a name so little known . this license is only for such as first make use of these names : for those who make use of them afterwards , are obliged to keep up the character that was at first given them , and which comes to be known this way . they can only change some circumstances that are less known , and add other new ones , which shall be compatible with what one knows already of it . chap. viii . of the character of the personages . aristotle's words about it . the character of a person is that which is proper and peculiar to him , and distinguishes him from others . as this is discernable in the lines of a man's face ; so it is likewise to be met with in the manners we are now discoursing of . that which i have met with in aristotle about it , is in the same chapter , from whence we cited that which has been already said about the manners . * since , says he , tragedy is an imitation of what is best amongst men , we ought to do like good painters , who when they give each person his proper form and character , and so make their figures like them , do likewise represent them much fairer . in like manner should the poet form examples of goodness or of hard-heartedness , when he imitates a passionate and cholerick or a soft and mild natur'd man , or any other such like character . 't is after this manner that homer himself has attributed goodness to achilles . care must be taken of this , and besides without speaking here of what is necessary , 't is requisite to observe the series and the consequence that is in poetry , wherein we are subject to commit several faults . every one knows what affinity there is between painting and poetry . horace begins his art with it , and aristotle likewise compares them both together in the very first chapter of his poetry . he speaks of it in several other places , and by this which we have here cited 't is plain his judgment is , that one cannot conceive a more perfect idea of the poetical character in the manners , than by the practice of painters in the character which they give to their pictures . if we would understand his mind exactly , we cannot do it better than by enquiring in the art , how one may draw a portraicture perfectly like its original , and which at the same time should be finer ? i 'll venture to give my thoughts about it . painters in their personagees have three sorts of subjects . either they represent particular persons to the life , such as augustus , young marcellus , virgil , seneca , paulinus , &c. or they represent dignities and such like characters , as a king , a philosopher , a minister of state , a poet , a varlet , a beggar , &c. or lastly , they represent a passion , such as anger , joy , discontent , cruelty , &c. we may add that painters and poets , of an elevated fancy , are more for drawing kings , princes , and things of state and grandure : and that the less noble genius of others , puts them upon the choice of valets , drunkards , and despicable persons . aristotle attributes the variety of dramatick poems and the invention of tragedy and comedy to the diversity of genius's . the first would doubtless make finer personages , than the last . but this makes no difference as to the exact likeness of the characters . both the one , and the other may meet with equal success as well in the baseness and deformity of irus and thersites , as in the majesty and bon mien of agamemnon and paris . but we cannot here make any use of this difference , and this interpretation , since aristotle speaks only of poems , and famous persons : and we can without quitting tragedy and the epopéa meet with this difference of more or less comeliness in an exact likeness . two things are considerable in the persons one would paint . the first are the features which we may call characteristical : such are the natural wrinkles of the face , the proportion of each part , the colour of the eyes and hair , the shape of the nose , the thickness of the lips , the wideness of the mouth , and other such like properties . this is what should properly and chiefly fix the imagination , and give it the idea of the person we would represent . 't is absolutely necessary that these features be observ'd in the copy , to make it more like the original ; and 't is of these that the expression of aristotle is to be understood [ giving to each person the character that is proper to him . ] these characteristical features are so far fix'd , in comparison to the rest , that they continue the same even in the change of ages and sexes ; and they easily discover the fathers by the countenance of their children , and the mothers by that of their sons . the second thing is a great deal less permanent , and less affix'd to its subject , and consequently leaves a painter more to his own liberty . 't is the colour of the flesh , the plumpness , and several other things , that augment or diminish the beauty of a person without changing the features , and the proportion of his countenance . there are some , whom a pale colour would better become than a fairer complexion ; or who would be much more taking were they made a little fatter , or a little leaner . there needs only a slight distemper , a disturbance , or a few days of diversion to produce these alterations . so that a skilful painter will consider a person under different states , and with those various motions which may naturally happen to him . and having observ'd what becomes him best , he will paint him in some action or other , wherein he shall be a little mov'd with fear or anger , according as he has a mind to make him more pale or more lively than the original : or else he will give him a smiling countenance , if he perceives the person has some defect which a smile would conceal , &c. after this manner , without altering the natural resemblance , painters represent persons more comely than they are . these two , whereof one makes the picture like to , and the other makes it more comely than the original , which we have applied to particular persons , may likewise be applied to whole orders of men according to their dignities , ages , passions , and other habitudes . the throne , diadem , scepter , and majesty make up the character of a king. but there are some persons , and faces that carry a great deal more majesty in them than others , and on whom a crown sits a great deal better . nature has made no old man but what carries in his countenance the character of his age : but she has made some venerable and august , and others contemptible and distastful . there are some persons whom anger renders more comely , thô commonly this passion very much disfigures the countenance . a painter then in the various countenances he sees , being stock'd with so many different subjects which may serve him as a ground work to keep up the characters we have been discoursing of ; if he is a good painter , he will not be contented with a sceptre and a crown , with wrinkles and gray hairs , and with the features that in general are proper to an incensed person : but he will study upon divers complexions , those that under these characters will be the most taking , and will make choice of those whom nature has made venerable and august , and in whom even without a crown , one may discern something of majesty and royalty . there is another way of embellishing a character , and that is by deducing the agreeableness of it from the very essence and properties of the character it self . anger makes men look pale or red ; it makes them gnash their teeth , fall foul upon every thing they meet with , tear themselves , and express such motions and postures , as are strange , terrible , and extravagant . but 't is not always attended with these effects . it has some more moderate ones : and 't is at the painters choice to make use of those which he pleases , and to reject the more violent ones , if his design requires them not , and to express the most moving , the most pleasant , and the less irregular ones . his liberty is sometimes more , sometimes less . when he represents one single personage , and invents the design as he pleases , then all depends upon him , and if he succeeds not , he is to blame . but if one should require a story of him , and determine the persons for him , then he will be often perplex'd in a great many things by the very essence of his subject , which permits him not to make use of certain beauties , which would be very advantageous to him . a king preserves his gravity best in a moderate passion , but agamemnon is not capable of this moderation in the sacrifice of iphigenia . the beauty of helen and that of paris would be more conspicuous by day-light , than by torch-light , but yet 't is necessary that this princess should be carry'd off in the night . europa , smiling amidst the nymphs and flowers , would be more comely : but would any one represent her so when carry'd into the midst of the sea upon a bull. a painter might come off with success in the ravishing of helen , if one would give him liberty to make choice of a model ; he would likewise succeed in the portraicture of a person , that he draws to the life , if he invents the shadows , the posture , and the action thereof : and he would come off but pitifully , were he oblig'd to joyn these two things together , and to give to helen , when ravish'd , the countenance of a person , that he had painted with success in a contrary action . the constraint is still greater , if one should represent several actions of one and the same story , and if one should paint the carrying off of europa in four tables . for the same features of one single person will serve as a foundation of moderate joy , a dreadful fright , a mortal confusion , and a miraculous and pleasant surprize . the great poems are of this last sort . the several episodes , wherein we see the same person act , are as so many tables , wherein the same character of one single countenance ought to serve as a foundation to the different characters of opposite passions . achilles is represented at the councel board , in the fight ; and at the funeral solemnities of his friend . the poet has not made his hero sage and prudent in this first table ; he has not made him proud in the ceremonies and religion of the last ; that so he might be less angry and passionate than in the battle . this variety of characters would have made three achilles's , and would have had something of the ignorance of a painter , who willing to paint achilles in these three different adventures , would chuse for his model three countenances that had no relation to each other , and would represent one of them entire in each table . but homer at the councel board gives agamemnon occasion to provoke achilles , who is presently transported with anger against him , and who begins to revenge himself by affronting and venting seditious reproaches against him . and in the funeral of patroclus , the ceremony that is most visible is the cruelty which achilles shews to the body of the brave and unhappy hector , which he ties by the heels to his chariot , and for twelve days together inhumanely drags about the tomb of his friend . thus is achilles always the same , and is no less cholerick and revengeful at the councel board , and the funeral solemnities , than in war and battle . the poet then , in the constitution of his fable , ought to mind what he is oblig'd to , and what character it requires : he will afterwards examine all its parts , and all the episodes it presents to him . he will see which of them he can apply to his character , or to which he can apply it ; † by this means making choice of those that are for his turn , and rejecting the others , ( as homer has done in the amours of achilles and briseis , with which the very essence of his fable furnish'd him . ) thus having entirely discover'd all the lineaments of his character that are indispensably annex'd to the very essence of his fable , and to his subject , he is oblig'd to keep to them as their proper form , wherein does essentially consist the resemblance of his fable to the probable action which he would imitate ; let it be in the persons , or in the dignities , or in the passions , or any other things that are capable of a character . this is the first thing a poet is oblig'd to . the second is to examine all the other circumstances of his character , which the essence of his fable does not make necessary , and which are as the colours of a more or less paleness and redness , the complexion whereof may naturally change . he will discover those that are most capable of rendring his character pleasant , and his personages good , even in a moral sense , and he will make use of them , and not of the others . 't is by this means that without altering the resemblance , and the justness of the character a good poet , like a good painter , will make his personages better , and a sorry poet like a sorry painter will make them worse than they are . 't is thus that homer himself has made his achilles good as we have observ'd . one may understand and interpret the text of aristotle in a sense different from that which i propos'd in the beginning of the chapter : but it will still suit with the doctrine i have drawn from thence . the other interpretation is this , when a poet imitates a passionate man , or a mild and good humour'd person , or any other character , he ought rather to propose to himself models of goodness , than of hard-heartedness , &c. chap. ix . of the characters of achilles , ulysses , and aeneas . aristotle proposes homer's achilles to us , to teach us the way of making the imitated personage like the original which we propose to our selves ; in such a manner that this resemblance , which may be attended with deformity and vice , or beauty and virtue , have that which is the most perfect of these qualities . we have already taken notice that the resemblance consists in this part of the character which is proper and necessary to the fable , and which the subject obliges indispensably to be observ'd ; and that the beauty or the goodness aristotle speaks of , and which he distinguishes from the resemblance , consists in the circumstances of the character , which are not necessarily contain'd in the essence of the fable . this is what we are more fully to discover in the practice of homer and his iliad , to which aristotle refers us , that so we may instruct our selves , where he himself learn'd his instructions . we have sufficiently made it appear , that achilles ought to be passionate , unjust , and inexorable . the fable necessarily requires this ; 't is that renders his manners bad , and so unworthy a man of honour . but they have nothing in them that is irregular , or contrary to the precepts of aristotle , since he requires goodness only in the circumstances , where the poet is at his liberty , and since he blames vice only when 't is not necessary . so that this is that , which i call part of the character which renders achilles like to the idea , which the poet form'd of him , when he laid down the first model of his fable . but the fable leaves the poet to chuse the circumstances which may either raise and embellish the character , or render it more deform'd and odious . achilles that is passionate , inexorable , and unjust , might be likewise fearful , and cowardly , and have reveng'd himself by betraying his party . he might have given some secret intelligence to his enemies , he might have receiv'd them into his quarters , or have injur'd his allies by any other wicked practices , which might have occasion'd a great deal of mischief to have fallen upon the greeks , agamemnon , and himself , and which might have been no hindrance to his reconciliation . for suppose the greeks without achilles were stronger than the trojans , in this case their disadvantage and losses would only have happen'd by the treachery of this hero. and the treachery ending with this reconciliation the valour of the greeks might have got them the victory . the fable would not have been less just , nor have had less of the moral and instructions than that it at present contains . thus the essence and the justness of the fable leaves the poet at his full liberty to make choice either of the valour or the cowardice of achilles , for to degrade or raise his character ; and 't is to this choice , that the precept of aristotle refers , when he orders poets to imitate good painters , who , always preserving whatever the character has that is necessary or proper to the subject , raise it by all the embellishments 't is capable of . if homer had chose to have made his hero cowardly , rather than valiant , he would have offended against what aristotle orders here , and elsewhere , viz. never to represent a personage that is wicked without necessity forces one to it . but this great poets practice is not thus . as unjust , and as passionate as the anger of his hero was , and thô 't was so pernicious to his allies , and to patroclus himself yet he has done nothing herein , but what is necessary . he has observ'd in this character what his fable indispensibly oblig'd him to . but for as much as it has left him at his liberty therein , he has made use of it so far to the advantage of his hero , that he has almost conceal'd his great vices by the darling show of a miraculous valour which has deceiv'd so many persons . this goodness may be likewise added to the difference we put between the epick fable , and those of aesop , for 't is neither necessary nor congruous in these last . the heroes there may be intirely vicious . 't is easier to discover what goodness there is in the characters of vlysses , and aeneas , since the very essence of the fable requires goodness and virtue : but yet 't is still necessary to know the practice of our poets in the characters they have given them . the fable of the odysseis is all for the conduct of a state , and for policy . therefore the quality it requires is prudence ; but this virtue is of too large an extent for the simplicity which a just and precise character requires ; it is requisite it should be limited . the great art of kings is the mystery of dissimulation . 't is well known that lewis the eleventh for the instruction of his son , reduc'd all the latin language to these words only , viz. qui nescit dissimulare nescit regnare . 't was likewise by this practice that saul began his reign , when he was elected , and then full of the spirit of god. the first thing we read of him in holy writ is . * that he made as if he did not hear the words , which seditious people spoke against him . this then is the character which the greek poet gives his vlysses in the proposition of his poem , he calls him 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ; to denote this prudent dissimulation , which disguised him so many ways , and put him upon taking so many shapes . without mentioning any thing of circe who stay'd him with her a whole year , and who was famous for the transformations she knew to make with all sorts of persons : the reader finds him at first with calypso , the daughter of wise atlas , who bore up the vast pillars that reach'd from earth to heaven , and whose knowledge penetrated into the depths of the unfathomable ocean : that is to say , who was ignorant of nothing that was either in heaven , earth or sea. and as the first product and principal part of so high , so solid , and so profound a knowledge was to know how to conceal ones self ; this wise man call'd his daughter by a name that signified a † secret. the poet makes his hero , which he design'd for a politician , to stay seven whole years with this nymph . she taught him so well , that afterwards he lost no opportunity of putting her lessons in practice : for he does nothing without a disguise . at his parting from ogyges he is cast upon the isle of phaeaca : as kind as his reception was , yet he stays till the night before he went off , ere he would discover himself . from thence he goes to ithaca . the first adventure that happens to him there was with minerva the most prudent among the deities , as vlysses was the most prudent among men. * she her self says thus much in this very passage . nor did they fail to disguise themselves . menerva takes upon her the shape of a shepherd , and vlysses tells her he was oblig'd to fly from crete , because he had murder'd the son of king idomeneus . the goddess discovers her self first , and commends him for that these artifices were so easie , and so natural to him , as if they had been born with him . afterwards the hero under the form of a beggar deceives first of all eumens , then his son , and last of all his wife , and every body else , till he had found an oppertunity , of punishing his enemies , to whom he discover'd not himself till he kill'd them , that is the last night . after his discovering himself in his palace , he goes the next day to deceive his father , appearing at first under a borrow'd name ; before he would give him joy of his return thus he takes upon him all manner of shapes , and dissembles to the very last . the poet joyns to this character a * valour and a constancy which renders him invincible in the most daring and desperate adventures . the fable of the aeneid is quite different from the two greek ones . the poets design was to introduce among the romans a new sort of government , and a new master . 't was requisite then that this new master should have all the qualities , which the founder of a state ought to have , and all the virtues which make a prince belov'd . dissimulation is a wrong method . we bear but little love to a man we distrust , and those who love vlysses , love him only after they had had a long experience of his goodness , and of the good will his father bore towards them . but the hero of virgil had only new subjects as augustus caesar has , and by the way , i shall here say , that the latin poet was more straitned in this than homer , and that he was like to those painters , who ought to suit their stories to the model of a countenance we have prescrib'd them . aeneas then ought only to give his subjects signs of sincerity and frankness . he could not have the character of achilles . then violences of achilles were entirely opposite to the design of the aeneid ; and the poet has judiciously assign'd them to turnus and mezentius , which he opposes to his hero. he was therefore oblig'd to a character that is opposite to that , as we have often and often said . so that the character of achilles is the inexorable anger of a revengeful , unjust , and valiant prince ; that of vlysses is the wise , and prudent dissimulation of a valiant king , whose constancy nothing could shock . and that of aeneas is a mild , and good natur'd piety , upheld as the two others by a valour and an unshaken courage . chap. x. the character of the other personages . all the persons in a picture do not appear in an equal degree . the principal personage must always appear above all the rest and be view'd at his full length , as far as art and perspective will admit . some others appear almost as much . there are others that are half hid , or which appear more or less , and there are some likewise which serve only to represent a great number of persons , whose extream parts are the only things we can distinguish , and which shew that there is some body there . lastly , some are very near and are seen distinctly , and others are at such a distance as confounds the features , and the very members themselves , and gives them rather the colour of the air than their own proper hue. as for those that are near , a considerable part whereof we see , 't is necessary that they should wear either in their countenance , or their posture the character that is proper to them , and make it appear what interest they have in the action which is represented . as for the rest the less is seen of them , the less is one likewise oblig'd to make them known . the case is just the same in the epopéa . the poet leaves the greatest part of his actors in obscurity , and at a distance , but beside his hero , to whom he has a particular regard , there are likewise several others , whose character must be set off in a greater or less light , according to the interest he makes them have , following in this the rules which we have apply'd to the hero. we will take notice of the differences by what follows . dido is the chief personage which the poet presents us with , and the most considerable in the first part of the aeneid , since 't is she that makes the intrigue or plot thereof . she is the foundress of carthage , as aeneas is the founder of rome , and she represents the obstacle which this republick laid in the way of the roman victories , which were to raise that state to be mistress of the world. so then , as aeneas bore the character of rome , so should dido of carthage . therefore she is passionate , bold , daring , ambitious , violent , perfidious : and all these qualities are carry'd on by a craftiness which is the very soul and character of her . 't is by her craftiness that she succeeded so well in her great undertakings , in revenging her husband , punishing her brother , and deceiving of king iarbas . 't is by these very wiles she would stop aeneas's journey , and being not able to compass that , deceives her very sister who was her only confident . this character is vicious and odious . virgil was oblig'd to it by the very nature of his fable . but in the liberty it has given him , he has taken care according to aristotle's maxim , to give this character all the softness that is proper to his subject ; and to raise it by all the beauties he found it capable of receiving . dido does not make use of the wickedness of her temper , but only to stay aeneas at carthage : she is inclin'd thereto by the violence of a passion that renders this action less odious , and which puts the readers upon lamenting and pitying the torments she endures , and the † death she condemn'd her self to . elsewhere he makes her exercise her craftiness only upon noble , lawful , and glorious occasions . * he gives her qualities truly royal. she is magnificent , courteous , and has a great esteem for virtue . all this is to be observ'd in that obliging way whereby she entertain'd the trojans before ever she had seen aeneas . in the second part of the poem there are a great many more interested persons than in the first . latinus is a very good and pious prince , but old and without sons . this gives the queen an occasion of disobeying his orders , and turnus a desire of being his son-in-law in spite of him , and of forcing the good old man to proclaim war against aeneas , and of making use of his subjects , his arms , and his authority . this default of authority is natural and ordinary among kings that have no heirs . amata pretends to have a kind of right of disposing of her daughter . she is strangely affected for her kinsman turnus . she was so obstinately bent upon having him for her son-in-law , that she had rather die than change her resolution . this obstinacy of the woman put her upon taking all manner of shapes , keeps up her anger and her violence , and is the principal character the poet gives her . the character of turnus is the same with that of † achilles as far as the alteration of the design , and the difference of the fable , would admit . 't is a young man , furious , and passionate for a damsel that a rival would rob him of . * his mind is all upon arms and war without troubling his head whether it be just , or whether the want of justice , and the contrary order of the gods make it criminal and impious . he suffers himself to be transported with anger , the most prevailing of all his passions . this is the first idea our poet gives of him and which he always keeps up very carefully . he is less of a soldier , and more of a general than achilles . but this general in office sometimes forgot himself to act the part of a private soldier . † had it not been for this , he might have put an end to the war the very second day , when breaking into the entrenchments of aeneas , which he besieg'd , his fury made him forget to keep the passage open for his own men , as he might easily have done . so far is it true that anger is his principal character . he was so full of the idea of achilles , and so far master of his spirit , that he brags of being like him . * go , says he to pandarus , when he kill'd him , go tell priam thou hast met with a second achilles here . the poet makes use of these artifices to shew the readers what sort of humour turnus was of . the character of this hero has likewise this injustice of achilles , in that , from his own particular quarrel he raises a general war , renders his anger pernicious to both parties , and more to his own than to that of the enemy , and exposes so many thousand innocents for his single interest . the blackness of this character is shaded , as the vices of achilles , by the lustre of a wonderful courage . this may suffice without speaking of the other personages , one may apply to them whatever we have said here concerning the manners and the character . chap. xi . what the character is . from what has been said we may infer , that in the epick poem the character is not properly any particular vertue or quality , but a composition of several , which are mix'd together in a different degree with the ornaments and beauty 't is capable of observing , the necessity of the fable , and the unity of the action . all the qualities that go toward the making this composition cannot be all of the same class , nor be equal among themselves . because one carrying the hero upon one encounter , and another upon another encounter , the character will seem varied , and the poem as well as the hero will look like a body animated with several souls . 't is requisite then there should be one commanding quality to rule the rest , and be the soul of them , and that this appear throughout . after the same manner as a hero being painted in divers fables ought to be discern'd in all , and to have the same features in his countenance , let his postures and his passions be never so different . this commanding quality in achilles is his anger , in vlysses the art of dissimulation , and in aeneas meekness . each of these may by way of eminence be styl'd the character in these heroes . but these characters cannot be alone . 't is absolutely necessary that some other should give them a lustre and embellish them , as far as they are capable : either by hiding the defects that are therein by some noble and shining qualities , as the poet has done the anger of achilles , by shading it with an extraordinary valour ; or making them entirely of the nature of a true and solid vertue , as is to be observ'd in the two others . the dissimulation of vlysses is a part of his prudence , and the meekness of aeneas is wholly employ'd in submitting the will of this hero to the gods. for the making up this union our poets have joyn'd together such qualities as are by nature the most compatible . valour with anger , piety with goodness , and prudence with dissimulation . this last union was necessary for the goodness of vlysses , for without that his dissimulation might have degenerated into wickedness and knavery . besides , the fable requir'd prudence in vlysses , and piety in aeneas , as we before observ'd . in this the poets were not left to their choice . but homer might have made achilles not valiant . the cowardice of this hero would have abated nothing of the justness of his fable . so that 't is the necessity he lay under of adorning his character , and of not making achilles vicious , where there was no need for it , that oblig'd him to give him the title of valiant . the valour then as well as the prudence , and the piety in the other two poems , which are the secondary qualities we have been speaking of make up the goodness of each hero , and communicate this same goodness to the whole poem . but if on the one hand , this secondary quality is an ornament to the first , on the other it receives such a determination from it , as makes its extent less , but withall more just ; a hero may be endu'd with a peaceful , generous , and roman valour , which is ready to pardon injuries upon submission . such is the valour of aeneas . he may likewise be endued with a cholerick , cruel , brutish , and inexorable valour which never pardons , and had rather its vengeance should fall upon its friends , than spare one single enemy , and this is the valour and character of achilles . but should we consider these two qualities a-part , for to know which of them deserves chiefly to be styl'd the character , we shall presently exclude valour , since 't is neither essential to the fable , nor does achilles make any shew of it , but keeps it without action for above half the poem : nor lastly does the poet sing it . but he sings the anger , and this anger is necessary to the fable , at least it is predominant as much during the absence of achilles , as when he is reunited to the grecians and fights in person . so prudence is not the principal part of the character of vlysses , since the poet does not sing a prudent man , but a man that changes himself into all sorts of forms . we may likewise say , that the meekness of aeneas is his chief quality , thô the word pius which the poet makes use of , signifies equally meekness and piety . to these two qualities must a third be joyned to support them , and carry on the character with greater force . a prince will be to no purpose good and pious , or prudent and dissembling , if he is not valiant and brave : he will meet with many invincible difficulties . without valour aeneas would have been routed by turnus , and vlysses would have fainted under a hundred hardships . valour then is necessary to produce great designs , and to put them in execution . but there is no need to dwell longer on this subject . the consequences thereof are very clear . we conclude then , that the character of the hero in the epick poem , is compounded of three sorts of qualities . those of the first sort are necessary and essential to the fable . that of the second are the ornaments of it . valour which supports both makes the third sort . the first , which is the principal , must be some universal quality , such as should be met with in all sorts of occasions , and encounters , and such as should make the hero known throughout . in the character of the other personages there is likewise some composition , for one single quality can never exactly distinguish one person from others , unless it be determin'd by some other that may render it proper and singular . but 't is not necessary that valour or any other noble inclination , should be admitted into these lesser characters . i see nothing that 's noble or good in thersites , amata , or in that number of dull souls in the odysseis , and without mentioning these last , or drances in whom the poets have not express'd the least valour . the women that are introduced into poems , do manifestly exclude the necessity of this warlike quality . chap. xii . of the vnity of the character in the hero. the exactness of our poets presents us with an vnity in the character , which we cannot pass by without a reflection . it is observ'd in the conduct of the hero in particular , and in that of the whole poem ; and i fansy one might apply to both the first rule of horace , which order that every thing be reduc'd to a simplicity and vnity . it seems indeed , as if the character were as much the life and soul of the hero , and the whole action , as the fable is of the poem , and consequently it seems to require as exact an vnity . we will begin with the hero's character . we have already hinted at this vnity of the character in the personages , when we said that the manners ought to be even or equal . if we would suppose the equality of the manners , and the vnity of the character to be one and the same thing , then in treating of this point under the title of the equality of the manners , i had forgot what i have here added under this head of the vnity of the character . i said there , that the equality consisted in giving no one person such sentiments as were contrary to one another . but i add here , that this is not sufficient for the vnity of the character , and that 't is moreover necessary , that the same spirit appear in all sorts of encounters , whether similar , contrary , or others . thus aeneas for instance , acting with a great deal of piety and mildness in the first part of his poem , which requires no other character , and afterwards making a great shew of an heroical valour in the wars of the second part , but without any appearance either of a hard or a soft disposition , would doubtless be far from offending against what we have laid down about the equality of the manners : but yet there would be no simplicity or vnity in this character . so that besides the qualities , that claim their particular place upon different occasions , there must be one appearing throughout which commands over all the rest . without this we may affirm 't is no character . and this is what would be that poet's fate , that would give his hero the piety of aeneas , and the valour of achilles , without reflecting on the mild temper of the one , or the hard nature of the other . or to speak more properly , this poet could by no means give his hero the qualities of the two other hero's . there is a great deal of difference between a face in general , and the face of aeneas in particular , between a fore-head , a nose , a mouth , and an eye in general , and the fore head , eyes , nose , and mouth of achilles . there is likewise a great deal of difference between valour in general , and the valour of achilles , and between piety in general , and the piety of aeneas . this is evident from the thoughts and the practice of the latin poet. had he taken achilles for a model of valour , and had he thought that homer had carry'd this quality to the highest pitch , it could go , certainly he would have made his aeneas a great deal more like the greek hero , than he has tarnus , since he makes him a great deal more valiant than turnus , and he would never have fail'd giving this idea to his readers , and telling them , that aeneas is another achilles . how comes it to pass that he never does this ? and on the contrary , gives this quality to turnus several times : 't is doubtless because he saw well enough , that 't is by the character one man resembles another , and that valour in general is not the character of achilles : that to be more valiant as aeneas , or less valiant as turnus , 't is not requir'd that one should have more or less of the character of this grecian hero : but that one shall resemble him the more , the more one is endu'd with a cholerick , violent , and unjust valour , as turnus was , and that on the contrary , one shall have a character opposite to that of achilles , tho' one be never so valiant , when one is reasonable , mild , and moderate . one may then make a hero as valiant as achilles , as pious as aeneas , and if one please , as prudent as vlysses . but 't is a meer chimaera to imagine a hero that has the valour of achilles , the piety of aeneas , and the prudence of vlysses at one and the same time . this vision might happen to an author who would suit the character of a hero to whatever each part of the action does naturally require , without regarding the essence of the fable , and the vnity of the character in the same person upon all sorts of occasions . this hero would be the mildest , best natur'd prince in the world , and the most cholerick , hard hearted , and implacable creature imaginable , contrary to horace's prohibition in the case . he would be extreamly tender as aeneas , extreamly violent as achilles , and would have the indifference of vlysses that is uncapable of the two extreams ; 't would be in vain for the poet to call this personage by the same name throughout . the hero of the temple , and the cabinet , would not be the hero of the field . but can there be no moderation nor accommodation made by giving a hero as much valour , prudence , and piety , as an honest man is capable of , and by retrenching from each of these qualities , whatever it has defective , and contrary to the two others ? to judge how far this practice is allowable , we need only reflect on the effects it would produce in several poems , whose authors were of the mind that the chief character of any hero , is that of an honest man. they would be alike in all these pieces , we should see them all valiant in battel , prudent in counsel , pious in the acts of religion , courteous , civil , magnificent , and lastly , endu'd with all the prodigious vertues , the best poet could invent . all this would be independant from the action , and the subject of the poem . and upon seeing each hero separated from the rest of the work , we should not easily guess to what action , and to what poem the hero does belong . so that we should see that none of these would have a character , since the character is that which makes a person discernable , and which distinguishes it from all others . nor would this false resemblance be only among the hero's , but likewise among the other personages , which one were willing to represent as honest men. they would not differ from the hero himself , but as plus and minus . he would be a more honest , more valiant , and more prudent man , &c. homer and virgil , furnish us with quite different examples . achilles , vlysses , and aeneas have nothing in common , and differ as much among themselves as the three poems , and the three actions , of which they are the hero's . they have each of them a character which admirably distinguishes them from others , and whose vnity and simplicity is so exact , and so uniform , as to make them appear the same upon all occasions . homer has so prepar'd his fables , that 't was easie for him to preserve this vnity in the principal parts . virgil has done the contrary . his first part is like the action of the odysseis , whose character is coolness , disimulation , and prudence . the second is like the iliad , full of the horrors of war , which naturally draw along with them anger and cruelty , and yet he has made mildness and the softest passions predominant in both parts . aeneas is as meek and pious when he kills lausus in the heat of battel , as he is in the sports and the peaceable and religious combats , which he celebrated in honour of his father anchiser . he is as modest when his vanquish'd enemies fell at his feet to implore his pardon , as when being himself toss'd about by a storm , and cast upon a strange countrey , he was forc'd to implore the favour of dido . chap. xiii . the unity of the character in the poem . if the vnity of the character seems hard to be made in the person of aeneas , because this hero is in so many different encounters , which naturally require opposite characters ; this difficulty is still greater in the series of the whole poem , since beside this variety of actions , the poet introduces personages whose humours are contrary to that of the hero. dido is violent and passionate , turnus , amata , and mezentius , who are the secondary hero's , and who do all that is done on their side , are as opposite to aeneas in their characters as in their interests . and yet to maintain the vnity of the character in the poem , 't is requisite , that these opposite characters should centre in the character of the hero , and so submit thereto , that it alone should be predominant in both the parties , as the author of the iliad makes anger to be the commanding passion as well in the city of troy , as in the grecian camp. all poets have not been so circumspect . we see claudian's genius is not rais'd to this justness and accurateness , nor has he made so exact proportions . the furious and terrible character of pluto and the furies , and all the horror of hell it self is presently metamorphos'd into the character and the pleasure of the graces , the goddesses , the gilt palaces , and the flowery meads . all this joy does again give way to the sorrows , and complaints of a mother for the loss of a daughter . this author has no idea of his whole work. when he composes one part of it , he never thinks on any thing else . he has begun with the infernal deities , and in all this beginning , one can see nothing but the furies they are capable of . afterwards he speaks of the visit which venus , diana , and minerva make to young proserpine , and this is wholly taken up with joys and pleasures . lastly , he describes the fear and sorrow of ceres , and then he thinks on no other passion , and he suits himself so well to each thing he treats on , independantly from the rest of the poem , that in his three books he has as many different , principal , and reigning characters as there are in the threescore books of our three poems . there we see anger , dissimulation , and meekness reigning each of them apart and singly in the iliad , in the odysseis , and in the aeneid . and in the three books of the rape of proserpine , we meet with terror , joy , and sadness . this is an instance of an error that corrupts the vnity of the character in the poem . the practice of our poets is quite otherwise . they alter not the soul when they form different members to the same body . they know that the eye , which is the most delicate part , and the hand , which is the most laborious and hardy , have yet the same spirit in the same person . so that they mind less the particular incidents of their action , and the humour of each personage , than they do the general character of the fable . for this purpose , virgil lays no constraint upon the character of the hero which ought to be predominant throughout . he gives it a full and entire liberty , and on the contrary , he moderates the rest , and claps a print upon them to hold them in , either by some passion or by some dependance , the persons that have them , are in to some body else . aeneas is absolute master of his actions , he has none that he is oblig'd to accommodate himself to upon what occasion soever . nor is this peculiar to the latin poet ; he imitates therein the greek poet , whose vlysses is as independant as aeneas . achilles has a general over him , but this general is only as the chief among equal princes . achilles then is not his subject , and take him from the seige of troy , he has no orders to receive from him . besides , expecting no favour or good will from him , and being cholerick and unjust , he has no obedience to pay him , nor measures to take to please him , and he thinks he has sufficient grounds to withdraw his obedience from him . nay , when he is reconcil'd to him , and enters again upon his duty , yet he receives no orders from him ; on the contrary , without consulting with this general , or any other of the confederate princes , he on his own head makes a truce with his enemies in behalf of them all . 't is therefore a great artifice in homer , when he makes achilles the most valiant of the confederates , but withall unjust , and without interest , and on the contrary , makes agamemnon the general , very much interested for the honour of his brother menelaus and his own . this is what respects the hero. as for the other personages , homer has made the vnity of the character easie , by giving violence and anger to the greatest part of the commanders on both sides . the latin poet is harder put to it , because he has made the enemies of his hero to have humours that are contrary to that of his hero , but withal , he has annexed to them such passions and dependances that are no small advantage to his vnity . turnus has in truth no dependance on king latinus , either as his subject or his ally . this old prince is neither his king , nor his general . he depends upon him after another way , as the courtier of lavinia his daughter and sole heiress . for under this pretention he dares not disoblige a prince , that owes him nothing , and from whom he would obtain so much . he is therefore oblig'd in many respects to submit to him , and to take such measures as take off much of his fierceness and passion . besides this , he sees the victories of his rival , to whom he is oblig'd to yield the glory of arms in the judgment of latinus and amata her self ; he sees the ill success of all his designs , the death of those he put most confidence in , mezentius , camilla , &c. he sees the latins decrease , and hears the reproaches they cast upon him . all this must needs cause strange impressions on the mind of this latin achilles ; and hinder him from carrying on his character so far as the grecian did his . mezentius has a less part in the poem than turnus . but he is too considerable to admit of his furious and cruel character in all its force . the poet makes this prophane person much in love with his son , as he was a despiser of the gods. he so luckily makes use of this natural passion , that it renders his tenderness conspicuous , and makes the character of aeneas conqueror over the fury of this barbarian . his design in renewing the battel was only to rejoin his son. * the violence of his paternal love forces him to beseech aeneas to favour him so far , as to let him be buried in the same grave with his son , and he dies full of the tender and sad idea he had of his dear lausus . this same artifice does likewise change the violences of dido into a more moderate character by these two ways . the first is , the inability wherein the queen is plac'd , * what , can't i , says she , tear his body in pieces , and scatter his mangled limbs in the sea ? o! that i could but cut the throats of his comrades , butcher his dear ascanius , and serve him up in a banquet to his father , &c. these are the wildest excesses of a most violent and terrible fury . but she is in such circumstances , that the reader is not afraid any ill effects will follow . he is not concern'd for aeneas , and ascanius , since they are no longer within her reach , and he only pities this poor princess , from whose mouth her misfortunes had forc'd this language . * the other method , is the love of this same queen which in the midst of her rage and fury tames her , and forces her to melt into tears , and to abandon her self to the tenderness of her passions . another method virgil makes use of , is to interrupt the fights by calm and tender episodes , which make the character of the hero still predominant . thus the assault made upon the camp of aeneas , and the fury of turnus , is moderated by the episode of remulus which is diverting : by that of the ships chang'd into nymphs which is admirable , and by that of nisus and euryalus which is soft and moving — we may reduce all that has been said of the vnity of the character to these few heads . the first and the foundation of all the rest , is to give the hero a precise and sensible character , which may appear in all sorts of encounters . secondly , this hero must be independent , and left at full liberty to carry on his character and humour in all the force and extent it is capable of . thirdly , the poet may bestow this very character on the other personages that are most apparent and active , whether they be on the hero's side , or on the contrary party , or whether they be divine persons . this is the practice of homer in his iliad . fourthly , when there is given to these other personages some character or other that is opposite to that of the hero , it must not be carry'd on in all its force . and as this moderation cannot proceed naturally from persons themselves , it is produc'd either by some passion , or by some dependance , as we have seen in dido , mezentius and turnus . the fifth way , is to interrupt the particular actions which of themselves require an opposite character by such episodes as are suitable to the general character . thus the death of lausus causes pity and tenderness to bear sway amidst the furies of war , and has the same effects which the episode of nisus and euryalus has . to these five ways we might likewise join the thoughts , figures , and expressions of which we shall speak in the last book of this treatise . chap. xiv . of the justness of the character . this is a point of the greatest difficulty as well as importance , as well to those that compose , as to those that read and criticize . it depends not only on the art , but likewise on the goodness and justness of the genius , and on a profound insight into all morality . with great reason then does * horace carry the necessity of this doctrine so high , and teach us that the principle and source of all that is good in a poem , is this wisdom which socrates made profession of , that is the knowledge , and the practice of moral philosophy . this teaches us what is vertue , and what is vice , and informs us that there are some qualities which in their own nature , being neither vertues , nor vices , may be indifferently joyn'd to either one or the other of them , and be met with in bad , as well as good men . the first thing we are to study , is the nature of each character and habit wherein it precisely consists . what good or evil it is capable of , and how far it may rise or fall without degenerating from its nature , and without being confounded with any other habit that may perhaps bear some relation thereto . wherein for example consists a solid piety without preciseness , grimace , and libertinism ; and without a certain turbulency of spirit , that is dangerous and of an ill consequence : how far one may extend ones liberality , without being prodigal : and how a man should manage his expences , without being either too liberal or too sparing . to this we likewise refer the knowledge we ought to have of the habits or qualities in general , such as they say are abstracted and separated from the particular subjects , as also of the qualities , that are particulariz'd by the subjects wherein they are , for we should rightly distinguish valour in general from the valour of achilles , and not confound that with the valour of aeneas . what we say here , is not with a design to exclude out of a poem , whatever morality condemns . a poet should never set bad examples , but there 's a great deal of difference between a bad example , and the example of a bad action or a bad person . the lacedaemonians never intended to propose bad examples to their children , when , to deter them from drunkenness , they expos'd to their view , slaves that they had made down-right drunk . it is therefore lawful for the poet to make use of achilles's and mezentius's , as well as vlysses's and aeneas's . he may represent prodigality and avarice , as well as liberality and the wise oeconomy of a good husband , and an honest trades-man . but whatever he designs , whether for vertue , vice , or any indifferent quality , he must at least be sensible of what he does , not only because 't would be a disgrace for him to be ignorant in the case , but because this knowledge puts him upon acting with a great deal more exactness . 't is so important , that without these notices , he is in danger too often of setting very bad examples , and of offending against that which is essential to every art , which is to be profitable , and in particular against the nature of the fable and the epopéa , whose only design is to lay down instructions of vertue . if then a poet knows not what a solid and true piety is , and how far it may extend without excess , he will introduce a personage that will pass for a very good man , he will give him such vertues and qualities as are dazling and lovely , he will create for him the good will and esteem of all his auditors , and after he has arm'd him with so dangerous an authority , he will put him upon venting gravely and in quaint expressions , such maxims as are false , but fair and plausible in all outward appearance , and with a turn that shall bewitch mens minds . thus aeneas would have been a very bad example , if being represented so prudent and honest a man , he should prefer the endearments and love of dido before the orders of jupiter : or if being persecuted by juno , he had slighted this goddess as if 't were allowable to be less submissive to god under the crosses that befall us , than when every thing happens as we would have it . or lastly if this same hero relying on the credit of the oracles , which could not deceive him , had spared himself the travels and dangers he unwent , as if the favours and promises of god who loves us , should make us more lazy and negligent . virgil commits none of these faults . his conduct teaches us , that the promises of god , tho' infallible , should yet serve only to put us upon endeavouring more ardently and faithfully to merit the effects of them . and in this opposition which he sets between juno and aeneas , he likewise gives us this admirable lesson : that when god seems to declare himself against us , we should only contend against him with our prayers , our vows , our oblations , our submission , and that these are the only weapons by which he suffers himself to be conquer'd . but the poet does not set any bad example , when he shews in mezentius sentiments , that are contrary to these maxims . we are neither surpriz'd , nor offended that this man , whom we know for an impious person , seeing his affairs succeed so ill , should contemn the gods , acknowledge no other but his own arm and javelin , prefer his son lausus to all the gods , which others ador'd , and make an idol of him who is both the object of his vows , and the trophee he would adorn with the spoils of the vanquish'd aeneas . no body would live according to these maxims , but such as would be deliberately impious , barbarous , and an odium to the rest of mankind , to cure this strange distemper of the mind , the poet presents us with the miserable end of this atheist , whom the death of lausus disheartens and oppresses with very sensible pains , raising in him a sense of all the miseries to which he was reduc'd , which his brutality and the hopes he had of being re-establish'd , would not let him see till then . besides these vices and vertues , one is in danger of offending in the wrong use of some middle quality , and the danger will be greater , and the error more considerable , if this quality make a great shew and noise , such as valour in war. that of achilles is vicious , and yet it so dazled the eyes of young alexander , that that to partake of that false glory which he admires in this hero , he has committed in cold blood a more unworthy brutality , than that to which the anger and revenge of achilles carry'd him , when he drags the body of hector round troy , hector was dead , and * alexander drags the live governor of a town he had won . and likewise , without minding what is good and vicious in valour , one may be deceiv'd in not rightly distinguishing what is solid in it , from what is only glazing . the age in which we begin to judge of these characters , commonly casts us into this error , and into that we mention'd before : youth always fastens upon the very first appearances , and never penetrates as far as to the solidity of a thing , and when we are once preposess'd , 't is a hundred to one , that we ever get perfectly free from our prejudices . one must be very fortunate , or have a clear intellect and exact judgment , and more than that , a curiosity and desire to be acquainted with that which perhaps one does not judge important enough to deserve a long and serious study . very often likewise the customs of the countrey , and education , produce these bad effects upon the mind , and entertain them in this ignorance , and in such judgments as are very disadvantageous to vertue . if we see duels fought upon every slight offence , we shall imagine that a man has no valour , if he puts up an affront without fighting , and he will meet with too many of his friends who will prompt him to this sort of revenge as criminal as it is . this is what a person would never do , who , according to the precepts of * horace , had learnt the duty of a faithful friend and a good subject . and a poet would never put this maxim into the practice , or mouth of a personage , he has a mind to represent as a man of honour . but to return to what we were saying about the distinction that ought to be made between the lustre and the solidity of valour ; we will make this one remark , that seems to me very important : 't is this , that these two things are oft times opposite in the essence of the character . violent and transporting characters give a great deal more lustre to the actions they animate , and to the persons that have them ; and on the contrary , the most mild and moderate , are often without any lustre and glory , yet these last are a great deal more proper to vertue . perhaps i insist too much on this subject , but 't is of some moment both in general , and in the instance i propos'd just now of a warlike valour , since this quality is most usual in all epopéas , and the most capable of dazling both the poets and the readers . i will therefore explain this instance by the valour that is in the aeneid . how many are there , that put a higher value on the warlike vertues of achilles , and i will add even on those of turnus , than on those of aeneas ? yet achilles is but a souldier , and aeneas a commander . how then comes it to pass that they judge thus ? unless 't is because they take the noise , the show , and the transports of a furious man for true valour . if after the same manner we compare turnus with aeneas , the pious hero will doubtless seem inferior to his rival . but whoever will sit down here , and will take the consequences and the ordinary attendance of a quality for the quality it self , he will fall into the same impertinence as numanus , who in reproach to the trojans , says , they deserve not the name of souldiers , and that they had no more courage than women , because their way of dress is gaudy and delicate . this is doubtless for want of being well acquainted with the vertues of war , and what the exact character of a valiant man is . valour is the finest ornament of the character of turnus , and one might add , that 't is all the goodness that is in it ; and this quality in aeneas gives place to several others and principally to his piety . therefore piety is the thing that should be conspicuous in aeneas , his valour should appear much less , and on the other hand valour should be very illustrious and very shining in the person of turnus : so that he should be as much in love with war , as aeneas is in love with , and desirous of peace . whatever turnus does in the battels , or in preparing for them , is usually done with design , with pleasure , and with discourses that are magnificent , very pompous , and cogent . aeneas commonly acts without noise and affectation , he speaks little , and if he falls into a passion , 't is not so much to fight , as because he is forc'd to fight and defend himself ; 't is not so much to conquer , as to put an end to the war. but if the lustre and the dazling show make the valour of turnus more conspicuous than that of aeneas , yet the actions shew that in truth and reality , the valour of aeneas is infinitely superiour to that of turnus . we need only consider them without this lustre , and without this outward appearance , which a bold bragadocio and a rash young man may have as well as the truest bravo . turnus , during the absence of aeneas , assaults his camp , being design'd , prepar'd and arm'd with malice , and in three or four days he could not force it . he breaks in by a passage his bravery had opened for him , he is constrain'd to break out again , and at last , after an engagement of two days , he is routed and vanquish'd by aeneas with a bloody slaughter . aeneas on the other hand in the sight of turnus , and in view of an army of enemies , assaults an ancient town well built , and well fortified , and in a few hours becomes master of its rampants and towers . he is not forc'd thence by his enemies , * but he comes down to make an end of the war by the death of turnus , whom he forces to a battel . pallas is conquer'd and kill'd by turnus , and lausus by aeneas . these young princes were equal in valour , but there is a great deal of difference between the bravery of their conquerors . turnus seeks this battle ; * he makes his boasts and brags of it , and insults over this young enemy , who never fought a battle before . he wishes evander were present , he would butcher the son before his father's face . this is the valour of another achilles . † aeneas is far from engaging with lausus after this manner , who exposes himself for his father's sake . he on the contrary would save his life , he drives him off , threatens him , and becomes terrible and furious only , because he was forc'd to kill him . this is an anger worthy of aeneas , and the exact character of an hero more valiant than turnus , but withal more pious than valiant . the extream danger wherein he was , being assaulted not only by lausus , but by a great many others at the same time , does not yet hinder him from taking notice of that affection which this enemy ( who design'd his death ) had for his father . certainly it must needs argue greater valour and bravery to spare an enemy at such a time , than turnus ever made appear in any of his actions . aeneas and turnus do the same action of generosity in returning the bodies of these two princes . but turnus with his usual noise and show insults over pallas and evander , and seems as if he sent back the body of the son to his unfortunate father , only to increase his sorrow . * i send him back his pallas ( says he ) just such a one as he deserves to see him . this is a very cruel generosity , and very becoming an achilles . that of aeneas is all vertuous all sincere . turnus insults o'er pallas , sets his foot upon him , strips him of part of his armour , and decks himself with it : * aeneas laments the death of lausus , makes his elegy , lifts him from the ground himself ; takes him between his arms , and reprimands the tyrrhens for being so backward in carrying off their prince . you may see then how in the distribution of the valour , virgil gives aeneas and turnus , he allows the last all that this quality has of beauty and splendor in appearance : and how in giving to aeneas that which was without all dispute greater and more real , he is satisfied with the solid part of it , and makes what is glaring and dazling in it to give place to the sweet temper and the piety of his hero. because piety makes up the goodness of aeneas's character , as valour makes up all that turnus has of good in his character . but whatever we discommend here in the character of this last hero , yet 't is only an evil in morality , which does not make it the less good in a poetical sense . these reflections are not designed to banish it out of poems , but so to distinguish vertue from vice , that a poet may know what he does , when he gives his personage the one or the other ; and that a reader may judge of it without being mistaken . that he confound not what a quality ( such as valour for instance ) has of glaring , with what it has of solidity . that he suffer not himself to be dazled with the formalities of turnus , as if aeneas were not in truth a great deal more valiant than he : and that he imagine not that any man of honour is capable of the generosity , and the war-like vertues which virgil bestows upon turnus , and homer upon his achilles . nor is it at all necessary to carry the character of an exact and vertuous hero , as far as virgil has done that of aeneas . the endeavours he uses to avoid killing lausus , the sorrow he shews for it , the praises he bestows upon him , and the rest that we have taken notice of , exceeds the character of a simple generosity , and is the effect of that piety , which is predominant in aeneas , and in the whole poem . and it may be so contriv'd that these things , thus carried on , would not only , not be a perfection in a man of honour of another poem , but also spoil the justness of the character . so great a difference is there between generosity in general , the generosity of aeneas , and the generosity of every other particular person . chap. xv. of false characters . i call those true characters which we truly and really see in men , or which may be in them without any difficulty . no one questions but there have been men , as generous and as good as aeneas , as passionate and violent as achilles , as prudent and wise as vlysses , as impious and atheistical as mezentius , as passionate as dido and amata , &c. so that all these characters are true . poets may regularly make use of them . and when they do , these are not simple and imaginary fictions , but just imitations of such things as really are or may be . on the contrary , i affirm that a character is false , when an author so feigns it , that one can see nothing like it in the order of nature , wherein he designs it shall stand . these characters should be wholly excluded from a poem , because , transgressing all the bounds both of reason and probability , they meet with no belief from the readers . they are by so much the more offensive to them , by how much the poet seems to slight them , and to take them for silly persons on whom he may impose what he pleases . the desire of amplifying , and making every thing that 's said , look great , and marvellous , casts young poets into this error , and all others who are not indued with a justness of mind , and are not rightly informed . the enthusiastick genius of statius will afford us some instances of this bad conduct . he would bestow the character of achilles upon tydeus , and inspire him with his passions , and his anger sustained by his valour . * but is such an excessive anger tolerable which puts him upon eating the head of his enemy ? upon drinking the blood that gush'd from him ? upon devouring his very brains ? which represents him with his face horribly besmeared with this blood and brains , so that his friends could neither pluck this rage from his heart , nor this head from between his hands and teeth . he did not think he should make him valiant enough , if he let him loose to five or six men only . he must needs make him kill fifty of them . this excess is so much the more ridiculous , since we know that it cost the poet nothing . a water poet or a raw scholar might as easily say , that his hero kill'd a thousand men , as that he conquered two or three of them . there is neither art nor invention in this , but an ill governed fancy and a perfect ignorance of the justness of his character . this poet has done the same in the character he has given to capaneus , he makes him valiant and impious . and perhaps he had a mind to imitate mezentius , as he has imitated other passages , of the aenied . but instead of making such a man as he ought he has made only a chimera . indeed he was not oblig'd to make the violences of this personage to change into mildness and tenderness , as virgil has done that of mezentius , for the reasons above mentioned : but what need had he to make him insult o'er the gods more like a mad-man than an atheist ? this hero dies on the wall of thebes , which he was besieging . he was nigh making the whole town tremble . * his shadow only put them all into a constrnation . he was so far from being touched with vanity at so surprizing a success , that he thinks this victory beneath him , and is ashamed of such a pitiful thing . † these towers which amphion built are too low , he takes it ill that the fictions of fable should ever dare to publish that those fortifications were the work of a harper . for where 's the difficulty to raise the ramparts that were raised by a harp ? in truth there was neither need of swords nor machines . his hands and his feet are enough to destroy those walls and those towers , to break down bridges . after he had thus demolished these fortifications with his feet and hands , he takes the ruines and hurles them at the city , and beats down the houses and churches with them . this is what he does against men. he does not indeed do so much mischief to the gods , but he frights them almost as much , and defies them to do him any harm . * what , says he to them , is there none of the gods dare defend thebes against me ? where art thou bacchus ? or thou hercules ? the dastardly off-spring of this infamous city ? but i am ashamed , continues he , to defie the lesser deities : jupiter do thou come , for who else is more worthy to cope with me ? see the the tomb , see the ashes of thy dear semele . come , and defend them , and forget not to bring any thing that may assist thee . † heaven presently is in arms against this simple man , and seems to be all on fire . capaneus sees all this without being mov'd , and was so far from abating any thing of his fierceness , his threats , and the hopes he had of taking the city , spite of all the gods , which declar'd war against him , that he was for snatching the weapons from heaven it self , and casting its fires to burn the city . if statius had not imagin'd these extravagancies , one could never have believed they should enter into the mind of any author . the gods of this poet do not take these for extravagancies . * they are really affraid of them , and dread this man alone more than all mankind together . they betake themselves to jupiter . apollo groans , bacchus bemoans himself . hercules much affrighted , with a bow in his hand , knows not on what to resolve . venus is all in tears . to conclude , the calamity is universal , and to the disgrace of jupiter , ( before whom they seem to prefer capaneus ) the admiration they conceived for this great hero and struck them dumb , and made them fear this sovereign of the gods had not a shaft sufficient to conquer this single man. the poet himself gives us to understand , that their fear was not altogether groundless . for after jupiter had shot his thunder against him , with all his force , and had shatter'd to dust the armour capaneus wore , this bravo had still power left him to stand upon his feet so long , that jupiter thought he must shoot another bolt at him . one would fansie the fear is now over : but so great a poet is not contented with so little . cataneus during his life made only the thebans tremble and fly ; and now at his death , when he was destroyed by thunder , he fills his own men with consternation , and puts both parties to flight , because they knew not on which side he would fall , nor whose troops he would crush into pieces thereby . this is an instance of these false characters , wherein men fall for want of judgment and knowledge . an author by these great amplifications thinks he shall be a great poet. but he even degrades himself from the very name of poet ; since these fictions being of such things as cannot be in nature are no imitations . and yet all poesie is essentially an imitation . the remedy for this is to believe * horace herein , and to be perfectly instructed in morality . 't is to know that all things have their limitations : 't is to know these limitations , and to keep within them : 't is lastly to be convinc'd , that those that transgress these bounds , as in the examples we have been proposing , in propriety of speech make neither characters nor personages but meer chimeras , which were never any where but in the imaginary species of these authors brains . the end of the fourth book . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book v. concerning the machines . chap. i. of the several sorts of deities . in the former book concerning the manners , we discoursed concerning the terrestrial , and mortal persons , and in this , under the name of machines , we shall treat concerning the divine and immortal persons : so that this will be nothing else but a consequence of what has been said about the manners and the persons ; since the gods as well as men are actors in the epopéa . we shew'd the necessity of this in our first . * book , where we likewise took notice that all these divine personages are allegorical . we observed that there are three sorts of them . some are theological , and were invented to explain the nature of god : others are physical , and they represent natural things : the last are moral , and they are the representations of vertues and vices . these three sorts of divinities or allegories , are sometimes to be met with in one and the same person . now for instances of each , and first we will begin with the theological . in the convention of the gods , by which virgil opens his tenth book , jupiter , juno , venus , and ( we might add ) fate , are personages of the first sort ; that is , such as represent the divine nature divided into four persons , as into so many attributes . * jupiter is the power of god , fate is his absolute will. to which his very power submits ; because god never acts contrary to his will. † fate therefore determines jupiter , who of himself is indifferent , and might as well act in behalf of turnus , as in favour of aeneas and his party . venus is the divine mercy , and that love which god bears towards vertuous men ; by which he is induced , never to forget them in the miseries they endure upon earth , but to help them out of 'em , and finally to reward them . lastly , juno is his justice : this punishes even the least offences ; spares not even the very best of men , who not being wholly innocent , are punished severely for their defaults in this life , where the justice and the temporal wrath of god is often declar'd against them , and so persecutes them , that there might be nothing left in them but what was vertuous , meritorious , and matter of reward . this reward is reserved for them in heaven , where this vindictive justice has nothing to do , and from whence it cannot exclude them , as * jupiter tells juno , when he mention'd aeneas . the poet suits himself to our gross way of conceiving divine things ; and to the infirmity of our minds , which makes us look upon these qualities in god as opposite to one another . * mercy upbraids justice of its severity , that it is never satisfied let good men suffer never so much , and that it never allows them any repose here on earth : whilst justice on the other hand , accuses goodness and mercy of its being the cause of all the sins that are committed , because it shelters criminals , and puts them in hopes of going off unpunished . the deities of the second sort , that are purely physical , are employ'd in the first book in raising the storm against aeneas . aeolus is the power of nature , which gathers together about hills and in their caverns , the vapours and exhalations , whence winds are form'd : and having digested these matters to a certain degree of heat and dryness , puts them upon those motions and agitations which we call the winds . 't is thus that aeolus is their master . these vapours and exhalations arise in the air , which is represented by juno : 't is therefore to this goddess that the god of the winds is beholden for his heavenly chear . there 's no need of taking notice what is meant by the persons of eurus and zephyrus , nor that of neptune , who speaks to them . we have one instance of the moral deities in the engagement of turnus with aeneas . the furies which jupiter sends against turnus , are nothing else but the reproaches of his conscience , which shew him his crimes and impiety : king latinus foretold him of this at the very beginning of the war , giving him to understand , that if he was so insolent as to despise the gods , when 't was at his choice not to oppose their orders , he would at last be oblig'd , when too late , to one that he had offended , and they were powerful . the roman orator plainly confirms the truth of this interpretation . * never think ( says he in his speech before the senate against piso ) never think , gentlemen , that thé gods send the furies with their burning torches to frighten criminals , as poets upon the theatre represent them . no : the injustice , the villainy , and the crimes of each miscreant , are his tormenters . these are the furies , the fires , and the flames , that make them faint away , and fill them with such horrour and amazement . 't is thus that turnus is represented in his last battle . † statius has likewise in few words very well expressed the nature of these dismal deities : which are no where but within our own breasts , there tormenting us by the view of the crimes we have committed . there are two things observable in the practice of virgil that confirm this doctrine . the first is , that these furies are never sent but against such as merit them : they are the only persons that are terrified by them . the second thing is , that those to whom they are sent , must necessarily own there is such a being as a god , that takes vengeance upon the criminal : for atheists , that acknowledge no god , are not liable to the checks of conscience ; nor are they used to be troubled at the offences they commit against the deity ; nor can they be supposed to be daunted with the apprehension of another life . so that the furies have nothing to do with them . this is the reason why the poet employs none against mezentius , although much more criminal than turnus . chap. ii. of the manners of the gods. homer and the ancient poets have bestowed upon their gods the manners , the passions , and the vices of men ; and some are bold to add , that they have given them such manners as turn them into meer swine . but if we would interpret what they have said about them , according to the division i have proposed , and by the allegories that are necessarily to be understood of them , we shall see that these reproaches have often more of shew than solidity in them . t is true , the learned men of antiquity have went upon wrong grounds in a thing of the highest importance , when their writings have been such , that ordinary capacities or men of a shallow reach , that is almost all men , have not been able to break the shell , and look through the veil , with which they have covered the truth ; and they have been miserably abused in taking the shadow for the substance , and deformed and dangerous figures for necessary and solid truths . whether it proceeded from pride , envy , error , or a bad conduct , 't is doubtless a great fault , and such as we can by no means excuse . but in our design , we may omit , and pass over such interpretations as a poet is not obliged to give in his verses , and we may only consider the poems , as works and instructions that should be all allegorical . in this sense , 't is much easier to defend than accuse homer ; and more just to praise than blame him . one can find no fault with him for having made mention of many gods , nor for his bestowing passions on them , as we hinted in speaking of juno and venus . he might likewise bring them in fighting against men. for have we not examples of these expressions and figures in sacred writ , and the true religion ? and if 't is sometimes allowable to speak thus of the gods in theology , there is a great deal more reason for doing so in the fictions of natural and moral philosophy . when in these two sorts of learning we describe the nature of things ; 't is as easie to describe their defects , as the contrary . it would argue a man's being a novice in poetry , and that he understood but little of the way of expression is this sort of writing , did he imagine , when he sees the name of a god or goddess , that he must needs meet with nothing , but what is fine , good , and commendable in these personages . as if virgil could not have said of fame , that she is a very foul-mouth'd goddess ; nor of sleep , that this god was ill-natur'd , when he deceiv'd good palinurus , and tumbled him over-board . 't is no more a solecism to speak thus in verse , than 't is to say in prose , that fame publishes very shameful things ; and that palinurus was asleep and fell over-board . 't is true we meet with more offensive passages , such as the adultery of venus and mars in the odysseïs . but beside , the physical and moral allegories , which may in some sort excuse these too bold figures , to say no worse of them ; and besides , that we meet with something very like it , written in the simplicity of these ancient times by authors , which we cannot condemn , i add further , that though there were no allegory , yet homer is not less excusable . and to make this out , 't is to be consider'd , that 't is neither the poet , nor his hero , nor any other person of probity that makes this recital : but the phaeacans , a soft , effeminate people , sing it amidst their festival . now 't is always allowable in a poem , and in other grave and moral writings , to introduce . vicious persons , who despise the gods , profane sacred things , and seek in that which is most holy for excuses and examples to countenance their disorders . homer then by the example of these idle people , who could do nothing but sing , dance , eat and drink , gives us this lesson , that these soft and lazy exercises are the source of all vicious pleasures ; and that the persons , who live thus are usually pleased to hear these shameful tales , and to make the gods themselves partners in their goatishness . horace learned this maxim by these words of homer , as well as by the disorders of his times ; when he says , that a girl that learns to dance betimes , learns betimes likewise to play the whore. so likewise , we may suppose that horace says of this place of the odysseïs , as much as of any other , that this poem is an excellent piece of philosophy , whereby we may learn to be men of vertue and probity , and to avoid all that is base and vicious . from whence we may conclude , that the recital of homer we are speaking of , is not so much a pernicious example of adultery and impiety , as 't is a very useful lesson , which he gives to those that would live well ; namely , that if they would not be guilty of these crimes , they must fly the arts and methods that lead thither . but in short , a poet had need be very cautious of medling with such dangerous incidents as these are , if he would not do more hurt than good by his poems . he should study the wants , the interest , the humour of his auditors , and the effects which such subjects may have upon their minds . and to speak truth , we live no longer in an age wherein simplicity might render such a subject tolerable among honest men : and wherein one might propose it without corrupting the better part of the audience , and without countenancing that corruption and vice which the rest are but too much inclined to . so that how judicious or excuseable soever homer has been in this invention ; yet a poet now-a-days would be neither judicious nor excusable , if he should venture to imitate him therein . it is good to teach what he taught : but 't is very bad teaching it his way . however things are , yet this is a particular case , which should not hinder us from concluding , that vertue and goodness do no more belong to the manners and character of the poetical gods , than to the manners and character of men. if a poet speaks of the gods in natural philosophy , he will give them such manners , speeches and actions , as are conformable to the nature of the things they would represent under these divine persons . he will say , that the god of sleep is good , bad , true , a cheat , &c. because we have pleasant dreams , and we have offensive ones , sometimes they instruct us , sometimes deceive us , very often are vain , &c. the case is the same in moral deities . minerva is wise because she represents prudence . venus is both good and bad , because the passion we enjoy under her name is capable of these two opposite qualities . theology likewise has its variety . the most sound part of it should say nothing of the gods but what is good : * but it may likewise attribute several passions to them , such as anger , revenge , sorrow , &c. not that they have any such in reality , but only in condescension and after the language of men they are said to have such , as we hinted before in speaking of virgil's juno and venus . but there are several sects , and a poet should take care who those are that he brings in speaking . for an epicurean , for instance , cannot give any passion to the gods. his theology teaches him that they enjoy a perfect repose , and do not so much as concern themselves with any of the affairs of mankind . we might likewise add that the passions and the vices of each person form to him his particular theology . the debauch'd pagans thought the gods could not be happy without enjoying the pleasures of sense . and they charg'd upon them their lasciviousness , as we before observ'd in the example of the phaeacans . there are others who think there is no god at all : or at least would perswade themselves that he does not regard us . virgil has given us an instance of this deplorable change in the person of dido . this princess at first entertains aeneas with vows and prayers which she puts up to the gods with a sincere piety . because then she was innocent and at quiet . she begins to love aeneas contrary to the vow she had made to the manes of her first husband ; which to her was a kind of deity . she begins at the same time to suppose that these * manes are no longer concerned about her , and lay no obligation upon her to keep her vow . last of all , being more corrupted , she becomes guilty of impiety against the gods : and seeing that aeneas was about to leave her by their order , she would perswade him , that they are ignorant of what is done here on earth . not that she was really and absolutely perswaded of so impious a maxim : the poet was too judicious to make so great and so strange an alteration in the manners of this queen , in so short a time . 't is her passion that makes her speak thus . but still 't is true to affirm that these words are not absolutely jargon in her mouth , but have some foundation in her heart . this therefore is a beginning of impiety , which naturally happens to those , whose vices and passions are violent , and which at last leads them into downright atheism . atheists speak neither well nor ill of the gods. they despise this belief , and laugh at those who adore and worship them . such a one is virgil's mezentius . all that we have said here concerning the manners of the gods , ought to be applied to that which we have said concerning the morals or manners of men. the manners of the gods are capable of the four qualifications which we have given to the others . they may be poetically good , since they may appear in the speeches and actions of the divine persons we introduce . they will be suitable , if we give to these persons such manners , as the nature of the things we represent require : and if , as we make a king magnificent and jealous of his authority , so we make fame to be a lying and malignant goddess . they will be likely , if we speak of venus , mercury , &c. conformable to that which is reported of them in fable , and which the first poets have invented about them . and they will be even or equal , if in a long series we see the same character maintain'd . chap. iii. how the gods act in a poem . since among the gods , there are some good , some bad , and some between both ; and since of our very passions we may make so many allegorical deities : to the gods one may attribute all the good or ; ill that is done in a poem . but these deities do not always act , after the same manner . sometimes they act invisibly , and by meer inspirations ; and this has nothing in it extraordinary or miraculous . this is no more than what we say every day , that god has assisted us upon such or such an occasion , or that the devil has inspir'd a bad action into this or that man. 't is thus that * juno helps turnus in the ninth book of the aeneid , when he was engaged in the trojan camp ; and thus † venus in the twelfth book inspires aeneas , and puts him upon assaulting the town of the latins , that so turnus might be forced to the combat , which he industriously avoided . the poet may make the gods act thus , even among atheists : for though these impious wretches acknowledge no god , yet they cannot withdraw themselves from his power . he disposes of them as he thinks fit , and without their perceiving it , can turn their thoughts and designs as he pleases . this is virgil's practice in the person of mezentius . * 't is jupiter , who , minded at last to punish him for all his crimes , engages him in a fight with aeneas . to this way of the god's acting we might likewise refer , that which they insensibly contributed to an action , for which they are thank'd . the god mars does not appear at all in the fight of the tenth book of the aeneid : yet aeneas owns he was obliged to him therein : † and to him dedicates the trophy which he raised of the arms of mezentius . these divine actions are simple and deserve not the name of machine . and they are such as are allowable in the most exact tragedies and comedies . the other way whereby the gods act is altogether miraculous and extraordinary ; and this , whether they present themselves visibly , and make themselves known to men , as when * mercury discovered himself to aeneas in the fourth book : or whether they disguise themselves under some human shape , without making themselves known , as when † cupid under the form of ascanius makes dido sensible of his power , who caresses him without knowing who he is ; or whether without any visible appearance , they make us only sensible of their power by some miraculous action , as venus in the twelfth book , when she cures the wound of aeneas . * the physician , who had it in hand acknowledges that the cure is all divine , and that he has no share in it . the machines that are prohibited in dramatick poems are of this second sort : no body cares for seeing gods or miracles upon the stage . there is likewise a third way that has something of both the other ; 't is indeed a miracle , but yet has very frequently been refer'd to that way whereby the gods act , which we mentioned first . this third comprehends the oracles , dreams , and extraordinary inspirations . virgil in his third book has instances of all this . apollo utters an oracle , the gods interpret it to aeneas in a dream and the divine helenus informs him poetically of very many things . the speech of sibyl to aeneas , and all that she discovers to him of the infernal shades , and of his posterity , is likewise nothing else but one of these demi-machines . we might to these add the hell of the odysseïs : which consists in nothing else but the conjuring up the ghost of tiresias , and of several others that were his attendants . all these ways must be probable : and though the probability in machines is of a very large extent , since 't is founded upon divine power , yet it is not without some limitations . we may apply to the epopéa those that horace prescribed to the theatre . he proposes three sorts of machines . the first is of those which we can , not only believe , but also endure the sight of : such is a god present and visibly conversing with the actors . * he does not absolutely forbid this ; but he admits it only in a plot that requires an actor of this importance . † the second sort comprehends such machines as are more incredible and extraordinary : such as the metamorphosis of progne into a swallow , and of cadmus into a serpent . ‡ he does not wholly condemn this machine , nor exclude it from the poem ; but he banishes it the stage , and the sight of the spectators . * these sights , represented thus , are odious ; because a man can never be perswaded , that he sees so strange a metamorphosis . so that , 't is only allow'd to make a recital of it . † the third sort of machines is altogether absurd . horace rejects it entirely . the instance he proposes is of a child drawn alive out of the bowels of a monster that had devour'd it . this third sort is likewise to be banish'd the epopéa , since there is no recital that can make the auditors believe it . the two others are equally allowable , and without the distinction which horace makes , which is only of use for the theatre : because , 't is only in dramatick poems , that there is any difference to be made between that which is acted upon the stage in view of the audience , and that which is done behind the scenes , which afterwards is recited . our two poets have instances of these two sorts of allowable and probable machines . all sorts of deities speak often in the epopéa , and are no less the personages thereof than men are , among whom they are often mix'd . therein are likewise rehearsed several metamorphoses , as that of vlysses's fleet into a rock , and that of aeneas's fleet into as many nymphs as there were ships . 't is true these metamorphoses are very rare , because they are a great deal less credible than the rest . this shews that one must suit one's self to the gust of the audience in this sort of probability . that which was allowable in the ages homer and virgil liv'd in may be less regular in other times . this puts me upon making a reflection on the method of making use of those machines probably , that are not of themselves probable enough . the machines which only require divine probability ( as that for instance which we have been discoursing of ) should be so disengaged from the action of the poem , that one may substract them from it , without destroying the action . but those that are necessary , and which make the essential parts of it , should be grounded upon human probability , and not on the sole power of god. now the episodes of circe , the syrens , polypheme , and the like are necessary to the action of the odysseïs , and yet they are not humanly probable . homer artificially brings them under the human probability , by the simplicity of those before whom he causes these fabulous recitals to be made . he says very pleasantly , * that the phaeacans liv'd in an island at distance from those countries where men of a genius dwelt . vlysses knew them before he made himself known to them ; and having observ'd that they were simple and credulous , and that they had all the qualities of those lazy people , that admire nothing so much as to hear of romantick adventures : he pleased them by these recitals that are suited to their own humour . but even here the poet is not unmindful of his more understanding readers . he has in these fables given them all the pleasure that can be reap'd from moral truths , so pleasantly disguised under these miraculous allegories . 't is by this means that he has reduced these machines to truth and a poetical probability . virgil likewise relates somes of these fables . he does not allow himself the same pretence ; he has others to fly to : one of the principal is , that he is not the author of them . he relates them after homer , whose authority had already establish'd them : so that he had less measures to take . chap. iv. when one must make use of machines . this question is easily resolved by the practice of our poets . we may in short affirm , that machines are to be made use of all over , since homer and virgil do nothing without them , they constantly put their gods upon duty . * petronius with his usual vehemency orders that it should be thus . he would have his poet converse less with men than with the gods : leave throughout some signs of his prophetical transports , and of the divine fury that swells him : he would have his thoughts be full of fables , that is of those allegories and ingenious figures , which , like aenigma's , put the invention of the readers upon a pleasing rack , and leave them to guess in their turns what the poet himself has written like a prophet . lastly , he would have a poem be distinguished from history in all its parts , not only by the numbers , but by this poetical fury , which expresses it self only by allegories , and does nothing but by the assistance of the gods. he therefore that would be a poet , must leave historians to write , that a fleet was shattered by a storm , and cast upon a strange coast : and must say with virgil , that juno went to aeolus , and that this god upon her instance unkennel'd the winds against aeneas . let him learn an historian to write , that a young prince behaved himself upon all occasions , with a great deal of wisdom and discretion : and let him say with homer , that minerva led him by the hand in all his enterprises . let an historian relate , that though agamemnon fell out with achilles , yet he could not but acknowledge that he stood in need of his assistance for the taking of troy : and let a poet say , that thetis , disgusted at the affront offered to her son , goes up to heaven , demands satisfaction of jupiter ; and that this god , to satisfie her , sends the god of sleep to agamemnon , who puts the cheat upon him by making him believe he must take troy that very day . plutarch , livy , and other authors of the roman history , will tell us , that he who prescribed laws to the romans , shut himself up in a wood , and feigned that a nymph dictated such laws to him , as afterwards he should propose to his subjects . a poet will say , that aeneas being alone with sibyl of cumae in the forest of averna , she makes him go down to the infernal shades , and there see the rewards of good , and the punishments of bad actions ; and that the manes of anchises informed him what sort of genius he should inspire that state with , which he was going to establish in italy . and if we would poetically reduce this fiction into the probability of history ; let us not like an historian say , that as numa feigned he had conferences with egeria , so aeneas feigns that sibyl made him see in a dream all that we read of in the sixth book : but let us say that this hero was let out of hell by that gate which was appointed for the sending out of false dreams . 't is thus that our poets make use of machines in all the parts of their works . we might take a more particular view of them , if we would but examine all the parts of the poem and the narration . the proposition in each of our three poems makes mention of the gods ; the invocation is addressed to them , and the narration is full of them . the gods are the causes of the actions . they make the plots , and dispose the solution of them too . this is so plain that it needs no farther proof . i will insist only on the vnravelling of the plots , which we may look upon as that part of the poem , which is the most important in this point , especially if we consider that aristotle and horace have treated of machines more expresly in this , than in any other part of the poem . * aristotle speaking of tragedy tells us , that the solution of the fable should proceed from the fable it self , and not from any machine , as in the medea . horace seems less severe . he only says , that the gods should not appear , but when the dignity of the plot requires their presence . but this is only designed for the theatre . this is observable by the consequence of these quotations . if aristotle had intended in this to speak of the epopéa he should have produced for his instances the vnravelling of the iliad , and that of the odysseïs , in both of which the gods are concerned . minerva fights close to vlysses against the gallants of penelope ; she helps him to kill them , and on the morrow claps up a peace between vlysses and the ithacans , and so concludes the odysseïs . in the iliad , the gods meet to appease the anger of achilles , and jupiter sends iris , thetis and mercury on this errand . minerva likewise helps achilles in his last fight with hector . she stops hector that fled from him , and when both had cast their javelins at each other without doing the least hurt , the goddess takes up the lance of achilles , and gives it him , whilst hector is upon unequal terms , arm'd only with his sword. virgil has imitated these examples . aeneas as well as achilles is clad in divine armour . juturna gives turnus his sword agen , and venus helps aeneas to his spear : and at last jupiter sends a fury , which drives away juturna , and frightens turnus so , that he scarce knew where he was , nor what he did in this last battle . chap. v. how the machines are to be us'd . the use of the machines in the epopéa is quite contrary to that which horace prescribes for the theatre . this critick would not have them be made use of in tragedy , but when needs must : and on the contrary , 't is requisite that an epick poet should not make use of them , but when they might be let alone , and then he should order them so , that his action stand in no need of them . how many gods and machines does virgil make use of to raise the storm , which casts aeneas upon carthage ? and yet this does not hinder but that this miraculous action may be look'd upon as the ordinary effect of a meer natural cause . * he makes one of his personages say that the cause of this storm , which surpriz'd the trojans , is the rising of the blustring constellation of orion . upon this the † commentators have very well observ'd ; that the poetical gods can do no harm , unless they have some favourable oportunity of doing it . 't is never to be suppos'd that there are any storms during the halcyonian days . this would be an affront to the power of the gods , by ascribing to them such a force as contradicts poetical probability . so that , thô beside this short season , there is scarce any part of the year , but when very probably and without a miracle one might be toss'd about with a storm ; yet virgil raises his storms only in a season that is more particularly subject to them . the four we read of in the aeneid , do all happen during the rising of orion . the first casts aeneas upon carthage ; the second surprizes him a hunting with dido ; the third obliges him to put into sicily , where he celebrates the anniversary of anchises ; and the fourth closes the fine day he had chose for the sports , and quenches the fire that burnt his fleet. the poet informs us that all these storms which surpriz'd aeneas , were the effects of one and the same cause . * for dido chides aeneas for preparing to leave her , whilst this dangerous constellation had still an inuflence o'er the sea ; and she conjures him ( th ô in vain ) to stay till this bad season was over . according to this practice , a poet will be very cautious how he makes use of a machine to help him out of a difficulty , wherein his own unskilfulness has cast him . but he will call in the assistance of the gods to honour his poem and hero , and no one will object against him , that 't is for want of art and invention , that he is oblig'd to implore the aid of these supernatural powers . no one will cast these reproaches upon virgil in the examples we have cited , nor in his other machines . it was not for want of skill or invention , that he had recourse to juno and neptune , either to raise a storm upon the fleet of aeneas , or to lay it again . so likewise , a woman stabb'd to the heart with a ponyard , as dido was , might very well die of the wound , without iris's being sent by juno to clip a lock of hair off her head. a ship well mann'd , and near the haven , might without any miracle enter in before another that was farther off . 't is therefore without any necessity that the poet makes use of the gods therein , and says that mnestheus would have gain'd the prize perhaps , had not cloanthes put up so many vows , and had not so many sea-gods that heard him , lent him a helping hand . virgil makes use of several ways , from whence one may discover there was necessity for machines . sometimes the thing , that is done by a god , is necessary , but it might as well have been done by a mortal . aeneas should be inform'd of what had happen'd to dido : but there was no need that venus should disguise her self under the shape of a tyrrhenian damsel , that was hunting in a wood. a mere damsel might have inform'd him : and 't is thus that we ought to interpret the changes of the gods into men. these are the ways whereby poets express themselves . an historian would say that beroe excited the other trojan dames to fire their fleet : and a poet says , that iris , sent express by juno , takes upon her the shape of beroe . sometimes the action ascrib'd to a deity cannot be done by a mere man : but then this action shall not be at all necessary . a mere mortal cannot transform the ships of aeneas into nymphs . but then whether they are thus transform'd , or whether they are destroy'd by fire , still they are lost . nor can any one see what alteration one of these two incidents would have caus'd in the affairs of aeneas more than the other . i have already mention'd the infernal shades of the sixth book , the fury that was sent by jupiter to turnus , and several other . we may therefore conclude that a machine in the epick poem is not an invention to wind ones self out of any difficulty , that is intricate , affected , and proper to some parts of the poem : but that 't is the presence of a deity , and some supernatural , extraordinary action , which the poet inserts into almost all the incidents of his work , to make it look more majestical and surprizing , and to give his readers a lesson of piety and vertue . this mixture should be so made , that one might retrench the machines without cutting off any thing from the action . chap. vi. whether the presence of the gods is any disparagement to the heroes . the care of our poets in making the actions and designs of their hero's to succeed by the assistance of the gods , puts me upon adding the following reflections to what has been already said . one would think there was no question to be made whether the love and favour of god were an honour or a disparagement to those he thus loves and favours . and yet , we suffer our selves to be so far prepossess'd with sensible and ordinary things , that we become liable to more extravagant thoughts . we judge of the justice , the favours , and ( if i may so say ) of the duties of god ; just as we do of the justice , the favours , and the duties of men. in a fight between two persons , if a third steps in , and assists one of them to kill the other , we blame that third person , and with him condemn his friend , who was so much a coward as to stand in need of succour , to protect them both from disgrace . these thoughts are proper , and this indignation just . but men treat god after the same manner . jupiter , say they , should not have assisted aeneas . was not this hero brave enough to fight turnus alone , and valiant enough to conquer him ? where is there any need then of this foreign assistance ? does it not reflect upon the hero and the god too ? and would turnus have done less , had he had the same advantage ? this is their way of arguing : from whence it must be inferr'd , that the love and favour of god will serve only to make those , that he would assist , and , and that venture to make use of that assistance , appear weak , impotent , cowardly , and not worthy of being conquerors : one should thereupon never pray to him nor thank him for any happy success . and by this means the character of mezentius will be the character of a perfect hero , and of a truly valiant man. this bravo is not for having his glory eclipsed by the assistance of any deity : his sword and his arm are the only gods he acknowledges and invokes . he vows a trophy to his victory ; but this vow is only addressed to his son lausus , whom he designs to adorn with the spoils of vanquish'd aeneas . these are the prayers he makes for his victory , and these the thanks givings he designs to make . and these are likewise the heroes those men would make , who find fault with jupiter and minerva for having bestowed the victory on aeneas , achilles , and vlysses . 't is true , it would reflect upon an hero , if himself did nothing ; if the hope and the confidence he plac'd in the promises and favour of god rendring him more negligent , he should wait for the effect with his hands in his bosom ; or else , if exposing his weakness and his little valour , and being just upon the point of yielding , he ow'd his preservation and his victory only to gods and miracles . but the practice of our poets removes this inconveniency , and we have fully satisfied the world as to this point , when we observ'd , that the presence and the action of the gods should be so order'd , that one might retrench ev'ry thing that was extraordinary and miraculous , without making any alteration in the action of the humane personages . by this means the epopéa will be neither a school of impiety and atheism , nor of idleness and sloth . but men will there learn to adore god , and acknowledge him as the only and necessary principle of all the good that can be done , and without whom the most puissant princes , and she most accomplished heroes cannot succeed in any of their designs . 't is he that inspires men with good designs , gives them courage to undertake them , and power to execute them . men will learn to respect , and submit to him ; because this submission and humility , which makes even great men stoop to their god , is the cause and the occasion of their being elevated above the rest of mankind . they will learn to fear him , by considering the misfortunes those men bring upon themselves , who abandon him : and because when our passions have shut our eyes and stop'd our ears to his orders and instructions , we are too slow in apprehending what a dreadful thing it is to make him our enemy . they will put an entire confidence in his words and promises : but withal knowing that they suppose one shall merit the effects of them by using ones utmost endeavours , an hero will so behave himself in all his actions , as if he ought to gain the success alone without the assistance of the deity : because , as the ancients say , the gods do not absolutely give us what they seem to give us , but they sell it at the price of our labours . but if on one hand god be the author of all the good we do ; 't is true likewise to say that 't is our selves that really do , whatever god does in and by us : and since these actions which god inspires into us , procures for us , and for which he gives us all the courage and strength that is necessary , are truly and properly our own actions ; it follows that the more god helps and favours us , the more glory and honour he does us . and this is the difference that is between the assistance of god and that of men. the actions of men belong only to those that do them : so that their aid diminishes our glory , as much as the divine assistance heightens it . our poets inform us thus much , and achilles who was so jeálous of his honour , knows well enough how to make the distinction we have here proposed . he was too high spirited to admit of the least assistance which might lessen his glory : he charges the grecians to keep off from hector , whom he pursues . but when minerva offers to assist him in this pursuit , and to help to conquer and kill him , he was so far from rejecting this divine aid , that he thinks it an honour to him , and brags of it ev'n to hector himself . monsieur cornoüille will allow me to end this point with what he has said about it in his andromeda : phineus casts the same reflections upon his rival perseus , as one might upon aeneas . but he is young , passionate and impious , and has the character of mezentius , * in that he acknowledges no other gods but the eyes of andromeda ; so that he is very fit to act that part . queen cassiopea makes the answer to him . phineus . what has he done , that 's worthy to be prais'd , but what another might , if jove had pleas'd ? let him be arm'd like us , what enterprize dare he then undertake , all hero as he is ? ten thousand might have been than him more brave had heav'n but deign'd to help them like this slave : they would have been more generous and great , the monster slain , the danger at their feet . 't is easie vent'ring , when the fear is o'er , to fight a foe , that can offend no more ; to sieze the certain conquest , when 't is won : and this is all th' exploit that he has done . now what reward , what praise , i can't conceive , so mean a conquest merits to receive . cassiopea . what merit 's praise , you scorn : a blindness this none can conceive . — heav'n than our selves knows better what we are ; as men deserve , so they its favours share . you might have had as great an aid divine , had jove but seen , like his , your vertues shine . but these are special favours , plac'd on high which vulgar souls can ne'er expect to see . the gods , being just , reserve this special grace only for noble souls , and for the heav'n-born race . the end of the fifth book . monsieur bossu's treatise of the epick poem . book vi. concerning the thoughts and the expression . chap. i. the foundation of this doctrine . the doctrine of the thoughts and that of the expression stand upon the same foundation . both this and that is nothing else but the art of imprinting on our auditors such ideas as we would have them receive . it seems as if this notion belonged rather to the expressions than the thoughts ; since the thoughts being nothing else but ideas , one would imagine that if they were well expressed , that would be sufficient to imprint them on the minds of the hearers . but you will see that this is not enough , if you reflect , that there is a great deal of difference between making any one comprehend what we think and have a mind to , and the inspiring into him the same inclimations , and the same thoughts . a good expression is enough for the first . but it often happens , that if i would give another the same inclinations , which i have my self , i shall succeed better , if i express quite contrary thoughts , than if i clearly discovered the ideas of my mind , and my real thoughts . if we pretend an esteem and friendship for any one in the presence of a jealous and envious rival , we shall not make him conceive any of those good thoughts for him ; but , on the contrary , we shall render the person , in whose behalf we speak , odious and contemptible to him . figurative speeches may likewise furnish us with instances of this nature . we express not our precise thought in an hyperbole , we say a great deal more of a thing , than we conceive of it , and more than we would have others conceive of it ; and the irony does the contrary . therefore this part of elocution we are speaking of , does not consist in expressing ones ideas , or in making others apprehend the ideas we propose ; but in proposing such ideas as may imprint those that we would have imprinted , let them be the same with those we propose , or the contrary , or any other . so that three things are expedient for this purpose . first , to have a right conception of the idea we would imprint on the minds of the auditors : it must be pure and disengage'd from all those that may prejudice our design . secondly , to know what thoughts are most proper to imprint this idea , by considering the present humour , interest , and disposition of our audience . and thirdly , to make a good choice of such expressions as are most proper and suitable . that which is most commonly prejudicial to the first of these , namely to the purity of the ideas , is , that beside each particular idea which we imagine , there is likewise a general idea , which seldom fails mixing with almost all the rest : 't is that idea which we conceive of our selves , and which we would fain represent as great , fine , excellent , and in a word such as we our selves conceive it . this is evident , especially in that kind of oration which the rhetoricians have stil'd the demonstrative . it seems as if an orator in such an harangue speaks more to entertain us with a vast idea of himself than of his hero : and when we go away from hearing the panegyrick of any saint or person of quality ; 't is seldom that we praise or dispraise either the one or the other of them upon the account of what the orator has said : but we only cry , that this orator has an eloquent tongue , or that he is but so , so : as if we went to hear his speech , only to pass a judgment upon his , not the hero's person . the two other kinds of oratorical discourses are not wholly free from this vice. some are so vain , as to attempt it upon all occasions , and at ev'ry turn . they are full of this vast idea of themselves , that they cannot keep it in , but out it must come , spread every where , and like a deluge overflow all the judgment , and little sense they have . we can produce instances enow , even in the juridical kind , though that is more confin'd than the other two . besides , did these persons understand wherein a true praise does consist , and were they masters of the second quality we requir'd , which is , to know what thoughts and sentiments a man should propose in order to raise a great idea of himself in the minds of those that hear him ; they would then correct this first default , they would speak correctly , and say nothing but what was of consequence and to the purpose . but since their first error proceeds from a defect in judgment , it cannot be alone . they imagine that the true esteem of an orator or a poet consists chiefly in fine thoughts , in strong and lofty expressions , in passions carry'd on to an extream , or in other such like things , which in truth belong not to eloquence , and sometimes produce effects quite contrary to the design of an unjudicious author . a lawyer , for instance , will imagine that his esteem depends upon making a set speech , adorn'd with figures , and full of a great many pretty antitheses : he will be sure to heap figure upon figure in his pleading : and chuse rather to enervate a good argument , and lose his cause by an unpardonable flight , than not give his antitheses all the embellishments he judges they are capable of . this is what pedius did according to persius's account of him . * theft ( says th' accuser ) to thy charge i lay , o pedius ! what does gentle pedius say ? studious to please the genius of the times , with periods , points , and tropes , he slurs his crimes . [ english'd thus by mr. dryden . ] martial's posthumus was troubled with another kind of whim . he had a vast esteem for the knowledge of history , and thought this science must needs make him pass for a very learned man. he therefore soon quits his subject to declaim against hannibal , and mithridates , and to plead the romans cause : as if the matter in debate were concerning their being conquerors of the world , whereas in truth the controversie was only about three kids . it was not sufficient to inform this pleader of the process of his cause , and of the business on foot ; 't was likewise requisite he should be inform'd of what he was to have no hand in . * with poisinings , murders , rapes we 've nought to do ; the judge impatiently expects that you should prove how contrary no roman laws my neighbour stole my kids : for that 's the cause . but you with strech'd-out hands and clamorous bawl thunder the punick war around the hall ; who fought with mithiri●lates ; how much blood was spilt at cannae ; how that sylla stood competitor with marius , sought his doom ; and how bold soaevola protected rome : enough of this . — now , prithee , lawyer tell what sad mishap to my three kids befell . the more vanity any man has , the more subject he is to these vices . therefore poete should be more upon their guards , than orators . the composures of the last are only to be spoken , and to establish for their authors a present fame . but a poet has immortality so much in his thoughts , that he fansies he has enough and to spare on 't ; and promises it with so much confidence to others , as if his own where indisputable , and as if all his enemies were destroy'd to the very last rat and butter-wife . these poets will stuff a poem with descriptions either ill plac'd , or ill manag'd , with affected and useless figures , with forc'd and insipid sentences , with similes more fine than just , and with other such like ornaments : and by this means they destroy the idea they ought to give of their subject , by imprinting on their readers minds nothing else but the idea of their knowledge , eloquence , and fine genius , because they forsooth fansie that the politeness of a genius , and the honour of an author consists in these things . they judge of the ancients and moderns according to these ideas ; and suppose they have excell'd homer and virgil , and all other poets , when ( without minding the character , or any thing else that is peculiar and proper to each poem ) they have heap'd up in that , which they compose , whatever appear'd beautiful in all the rest ; and when they have transplanted these pretended beauties with as little skill , as if the nose or the lips of an handsom person , had the same comeliness upon all sorts of faces , without any distinction of age , sex , or proportion . this was not virgil's opinion , when he imitated the greek poet. he has given another sort of character to his aeneid ; and he well observ'd , that this oblig'd him to give the things he borrow'd , a quite different turn . this made him say . that 't was harder to steal one verse from homer than to rob hercules of his club. this great man had just and pure ideas , and perfectly knew how to inspire his audience with them , without quitting his design , to run after false lights , and glittering thoughts , by an indiscreet vanity , more pardonable in the rawness of a scholar , than in the maturity of a master . let us apply this to some general thoughts . chap. ii. concerning descriptions . descriptions are properly such speeches as explain the parts and properties of some thing or other . this term sometimes extends even to actions : but that of a recital or narration is more proper to them , especially when these recitals are of some length , such as is that of the tempest in the first book of the aeneid , the sports of the fifth , the infernal shades of the next book , the battles of the second part , with several others which i was willing to comprehend under what i said concerning the narration . they are too considerable to be mention'd here under the name of sentiments or simple thoughts . the descriptions we now speak of are only parts of these long recitals . they therefore must be short ; and moreover , necessary and suited to the general character of the poem , and to the particular character of the subject matter that is describ'd , as far as possible . the description of carthage , which virgil makes the frontispiece of his aeneid is contained in six verses . it tells us that this city is seated over against italy , facing the very mouth of tiber ; that it is powerful in war , and that juno had a mind to make it the seat of the universal monarchy . this is the cause of the anger of this deity , and that which makes the plot of the poem . the readers would not have imagined how aeolus could keep in and let loose the winds as he thought fit , if they had not been informed , that they are inclosed in caverns . the poet spends twelve verses upon it . the ships of aeneas , so roughly handled by a tempest , and at a season , when the sea was liable to frequent and unforeseen storms , had need of an harbour , that was free from this danger , and very still ; and since it was in a strange and unknown country , 't was requisite this haven should be in a private and secret place . this is what virgil describes in eleven verses . venus presents her self to her son , disguis'd like a maid . the poet is obliged to tell how this maid happen'd to be in a wide forest . he represents her in a hunting habit. he is likewise obliged to reduce to probability such an extraordinary thing as that of a maid in armour . a description of seven lines does it compleatly . descriptions sometimes are mix'd with some passion or another . in this case not only the thread of the discourse should make them very natural ; but they should likewise be in some measure assisting to the passions to which they are joyn'd . that fine description of a calm and quiet night in the fourth book , renders the cruel disturbances of dido a great deal more moving , since they rob her of that rest which all nature enjoy'd , to the very vilest and most despicable creatures . * 't was night , each weary creature took its ease ; hush'd were the woods , and silent were the seas : pois'd in their height the stars did seem to rest , each field was still , whilst ev'ry bird and beast , the monsters of the deep , the savage bears , were laid to sleep , and dos'd away their cares . only unhappy dido finds no rest , poor queen ! so tortur'd is her love-sick braest ! if instead of this admirable turn , † only unhappy dido , the poet , carrying his description farther , had said : ‡ whilst the dardanian does securely rest in his tall ship for sudden flight prepar'd : then the whole would have been cold and insipid . the description of the trojans being hard at work , and eager to leave carthage , is likewise extreamly well manag'd . on one hand it shews what good effect the presence of a lord and master has ; for 't is the presence of aeneas that hastens their work : * he does his fleet without delay prepare . the trojans ply the work the busie main is fill'd with noise , the ships now float again . " whole oaks , the leaves unstrip'd , for hast unwrought , " down from the wood for oars and masts they brought . on ev'ry side are seen descending down long troops which bring provisions from the town . [ english'd thus by edm. waller and sidney godolphin esquires . ] and on the other side the consequence is such , that the poet to expose this their eagerness not so much to the readers , as to d. view . she there saw the preparative of her death ; and ev'ry blow the ax and hammer strook , went like so many stabs of a dagger to her very heart . can any thing be more moving than the ingenious application virgil makes ? * what were thy thoughts , sad dido ! on that day ? how deep thy sighs ? when from thy tower above thou sawst the phrygians in such order move , and heardst the tumult of the clamorous sea ? [ englished thus by the same persons . ] if in the middle of a great action , any thing is describ'd , that seems to interrupt and distract the reader 's mind ; 't is requisite that the effect of these descriptions declare the reason and necessity of them , and that by this means they be embody'd , if i may so say , in the action . we have one instance of this in the battle of the eleventh book of the aeneid , where the poet runs out into so curious a description of the arms and dress of chloreus . * chloreus , the priest of cybele , did glare in phrygian arms remarkable afar . a foaming steed he rode , whose hanches case , like feathers , scales of mingled gold and brass . he clad in foreign purple , gall'd the foe with cretan arrows from a lycian bow. gold was that bow , and gold his helmet too : gay were his upper robes which loosly flew . each limb was cover'd o're with something rare , and as he fought he glistred every where . [ englished thus by mr. stafford in dryden ' s miscellanies . part ii. p. . ] the judicious readers might perhaps have been disgusted at this beauty so carefully described in the very heat of battle , if the poet had only made it for their sakes . but 't is not design'd so much for them as for camilla . this maid is so charmed at the sight of his accoutrements , that she is wholly intent upon the conquest of them . the desire of having them costs her her life , gives the victory to the trojans , and breaks all the measures turnus had taken against aeneas . these are such descriptions as are just and manag'd with discretion . they were not made for their own sakes only , nor are they meer ornaments . seneca is far from this method . if he has any recital to make , thô never so melancholy and frightful , he begins it with such descriptions as are not only useless , but trifling and foolish . 't is requisite we should produce an instance of it . creon has a story to tell oedipus , that was the most melancholy , the most frightful , and the most ungrateful that ever could be told a king. he is intreated , he is threatned , and after great signs of grief for being forc'd to tell him such terrible and afflicting things , he begins his narration with the description of a grove , which oedipus knew as well as the french king knows the forests of vincennes , boulogne , and s. germain . but suppose oedipus had never heard of it , was he then at leisure to be told , that it was full of cypress-trees , oaks , laurel , myrtle , alder , and pine-trees ? that the cypress-trees are always green , that the laurel-trees bear bitter berries , that the alder-trees were proper to build ships , which ride on the wide ocean , &c. that the oaks of this grove had their branches distorted and eat up with age ; that time had gnawn the bark off this ; that the roots of that could no longer support it , and that it would tumble down , were it not prop'd up by the trunk of another tree . his description of all this is in these words : * far off from thebes , where dirce's sacred well with silent streams bedews the neighbouring plain , there is a grove with darkest shades o'er spread . here cypress lifting up its bushy head graces the wood with never fading green. here quite worn out with age an oak displays its crooked sapless arms ; the bark of this devouring time has gnawn ; the root of that sits loose , and throws it ' gainst another tree . here bitter lawrel , limber osiers grow , soft myrtle to the paphian goddess sacred , tough alder fit for ships and massy oars , the lofty pine that dares the strongest storm , and turns its knotty side against the wind. i' th' middle stands a tree of mighty bulk protecting all the lesser vnder-wood , and throwing all abroad its spreading boughs , defends at once , and shades the subject grove . [ english'd thus by j. hoadley of cath. hall. chap. iii. of comparisons or similes . we very commonly explain our selves by similes , and make use of them , the better to make others apprehend what we propose , and to give them a just idea thereof . there are two essential qualities belonging to them , the first is , that the thing we make use of be better known , and easier to apprehend , than that we would make known by its assistance ; and the second is , that there be an exact relation between them . as for that which concerns the knowledge of the thing we make use of in a simile , there is no need that we should have seen it with our eyes . 't is enough that we have the testimony of common opinion only on our side ; thô we know at the same time 't is either false or fabulous . the phoenix , the harpyes , and the adventures of hercules , are as proper for this purpose , as a cock , or a dog , or the actions of julius caesar . nor should we condemn some excesses that are commonly to be met with in these similes , as if they destroyed the justness of them : but we should consider that in this case there is an hyperbole added to the simile . 't is therefore allowable to liken a valiant captain to a torrent that bears down all before it ; to a thunderbolt that meets with no resistance , and to a lyon in the midst of a flock of sheep . but we are most liable to be deceiv'd in this justness , if we look upon similes only as ornaments ; for then we may neglect the justness which is essential to them , and mind nothing else but a lustre and beauty , which has nothing to do with the essence . that we may not be deceived therein , we must be acquainted with the design of the poet , and the nature of the things he makes use of . without this , one is in danger to be mistaken , and to imagine that a just and suitable simile is both false and vicious . let us now see some instances of this . virgil describing the beauty of ascanius , compares him to a precious stone set in gold , and to ivory enchac'd in box. it is true , that whoever imagines virgil would say this young prince was as handsome as a piece of ivory enchac'd in box , would find this simile to be very flat : and would have reason to complain that the poet lessens an idea that he ought to raise . but we shall find that this simile is just , if we would discover wherein it consists , and observe , that the author has distinguish'd two things in ascanius . the one is the shining of his comely head when bare : and the other is the colour of his complexion , and that of his hair . the first is compared to a precious stone enchac'd in gold. * see how the trojan youth , his head all bare , does like a gem enchac'd in gold appear . this is both just and noble . but the whiteness of a face would have been but pitifully expressed by a precious stone . it is with a great deal more justice compar'd to the whiteness of ivory , and the colour of his hair to that of box. * or like to ivory inclos'd in box : so shine the youth 's disshevl'd yellow locks vpon his milky neck . in the sixth book there is a comparison very like this last . a bough of gold , which grew upon an oak , the poet compares to misleto . he would have taken off very much from the lustre of this precious bough , if his design had been to express this lustre by that of the misleto . but this property of gold is very well known , and the bare naming of this metal raises in us an idea of it that is lovely and dazling enough : it stands in no need of being heightened by a comparison . 't is a great deal more wonderful and extraordinary to see a tree shoot forth a branch of gold , of so different a nature from its own . this therefore calls for a simile : and is the subject of that which virgil made . he does not fail making mention of the diversity of natures that is between green and yellow misleto , and the oak which produces it at a time when it has the least strength , and looks more like a dead trunk than a living plant. * just as upon some sapless oak does grow i' th' midst of winter verdant misleto : we may likewise say that this simile is a proof that nature produces some things extraordinary , and renders the fiction more probable . for virgil does sometimes make this use of the similes he employs . this is manifest from aeneas's accidental meeting with a carthaginian damsel , that was in armour and a hunting . the poet compares her to amazon , and to a spartan lass . these two quotations prove that the meeting with a damsel hunting in the forest of carthage is to be allow'd as exactly probable . this simile then is a great deal better , more just , and more ingenious than if he had compared this damsel to diana ; thô this last would have seemed more noble , and have presented it self sooner to the mind . if it seems natural to compare a huntress to diana , it seems no less so to compare a valiant commander to a lyon. should not virgil have done his hero rather than turnus this honour ? yet he does the contrary . perhaps 't is because the character of the lyon is anger . he is the emblem of it : and * horace informs us that when prometheus form'd man out of that which was proper to each animal , that which he borrow'd from the lyon was his anger . the similitude then of this animal is not at all suitable to the valour of aeneas , but a great deal more proper for that of turnus . so that when the poet did it he was not at all ignorant of the terms , anger and fury . he makes use of these very expressions , when he likens turnus to mars , to whom he never compares aeneas . we should not make comparisons between noble and ignoble , between great and inconsiderable things . but what is base and ignoble at one time and in one country , is not always so in others . we are apt to smile at homers comparing ajax to an ass in his iliad . such a comparison now adays would be indecent and ridiculous ; because it would be indecent and ridiculous for a person of quality to ride upon such a steed . but heretofore this animal was in better repute : kings and princes did not disdain the beast so much as meer tradesmen do in our times . 't is just the same with many other similes , which in homer's time were allowable . we should now pity a poet , that should be so silly and ridiculous as to compare a hero to a piece of fat : yet homer does it in a comparison he makes of vlysses . and the h. ghost himself , which cannot be supposed to have a wrong sense of things , begins the encomium of david by this idea . * as is the fat taken away from the peace offering , so was david chosen out of the children of israel . the reason of this is , that in these primitive times , wherein the sacrifices of the true religion as well as of the false , were living creatures ; the blood and the fat were reckon'd the most noble , the most august , and the most holy things . comparisons do not lessen the passion of those that hear them , but in the persons that speak them they generally denote such reflections , as do not usually proceed from a disturb'd and unquiet mind . so that it rarely happens that they seem natural and probable in the mouth of a passionate person . yet observe what the enrag'd medea says in seneca . * not time it self shall cool my glowing rage , which grows in strength still as it grows in age : cruel as beasts , or scylla , it shall be , or as charybdis whose devouring sea sucks up th' ionian and sicilian main , which meet , and shove each other back again ; so scorching and so hot shall be my ire , titan from aetna ne'er belch'd half the fire . [ englished thus by j. hoadly of cath. hall. ] such learned passions are seldom violent . a woman who takes notice that charybdis swallows up the two seas of ionium and sicily ; and that the flames , which aetna throws out , are belched by a giant that is overwhelmed with the weight of that mountain , thinks upon something else beside her anger . chap. iv. concerning sentences . this word sententia , in latin is very ambiguous . it signifies that part of poetry , which we now treat of in this book under the name of sentiments or thoughts . it likewise signifies a sentence of few words , that contains some profitable thought or other for the conduct of human life ; such as in these instances : * learn to be just , and don 't the gods contemn . the habits we contract in our youth are of great moment , &c. the word sentence in our language does not fall under the first of these two significations . therefore in this chapter we shall only take it in the latter sence , and understand by it , a moral instruction couch'd in a few words . sentences then render poems very useful , and besides that , they have i know not what kind of lustre that pleases us . so that , it seems natural to imagine , that the more any work is embellish'd with them , the more it deserves that general approbation , which horace promises to those , that have the art to mix the profitable with the pleasant . but there is not any one vertue , but what is attended with some dangerous vice or other . too many sentences make the poem sink into a stile that is too philosophical ; and cast it into a seriousness that is less becoming the majesty of a poem , than the study of the learned , and the gravity of the dogmatical . these thoughts have in their own nature a certain kind of calm wisdom , that is contrary to the passions , and with which they inspire us : they are such as make the passions languish as well in the auditors , as in the speakers . to conclude , the affectation of speaking by sentences is the cause that many foolish and triffling ones are spoken , or that they are spoken by such , whose present state and condition does not allow them to be so prudent and learned . we have a great many of these vicious instances in seneca's tragedies . the misfortunes of hecuba in the loss of her kingdom , husband , children , and liberty , render'd her no longer capable of any thing else , but barking , howling , and biting , to use the poet's dialect , who for this reason have judiciously transform'd her into a bitch . from whence then proceed these grave and moderate sentences , and these fine moral reflections ? * let those , who sit on thrones , and bear a sway in courts , who think the gods will always be propitious to them , and maintain their state ; look down on mine , and troy's unhappy fate . from these sad turns of fortune they may learn themselves may die like slaves , tho' monarchs born . certainly these are not the thoughts of this hecuba , whose name is borrow'd here . they are the thoughts of seneca the philosopher writing at quiet in his study , and meditating upon the misfortunes to which the height of fortune exposes us . the only interest he takes upon him , is to draw from thence useful maxims , and this fine moral , which the glittering thrones , and the dreadful fall of the most puissant monarchies supply'd him with . these are such sentences as are ill manag'd : let us now take notice of others that are as ill employ'd , and yet are moreover cold , ridiculous , and absurd . oedipus seeking out for a remedy to succour thebes , that is reduced to the very brink of ruin , is forc'd at last to conjure up the ghost of king laius . he orders creon to be present at that ceremony , and afterwards to come and give him an account of it . the ghost appear'd , discover'd the remedy according as it was requir'd , and creon comes to give the king an account of it . he begins with declaring , that he cannot tell how to utter his mind ; and by sentences he makes this foolish declaration to him : * we 're loth to live , when by the nauseous pill our health must be restor'd . kings take it ill they should be told , what they sometimes require . let me be silent : that 's a small desire no king can well refuse . if that 's deny'd , what can be granted me ? a man must have a strange fancy to speak sententiously , that makes his personages speak thus upon such an occasion . when he is upon declaring the only remedy that could save a state , which his silence would certainly ruin ; is it not a great piece of impertinence to say , that the least favour that could be begged of a king , is to hold ones peace ; and that if it be not lawful to conceal this remedy , nothing is lawful ? yet oedipus , who at the first denyal made him by creon , was so incensed against him , * as to threaten him with death ; when he should have been incensed more against him for his perservering in so unreasonable a denyal , and for his alledging such foolish reasons , as would make one believe he jeer'd him to his face : yet , i say , as if oedipus were of the poets own mind , and had a greater inclination for sentences , than for the safety of his subjects ; he seems to be wholly pacified , since he has the patience to hear creon say so many fine ones , and is willing to utter such as well as he . and they too are of the same stamp with those we have already seen . this is his answer , that * oftimes silence does more harm to kings and states than even speaking does ; and that lastly , † he is no obedient subject , that speaks not when commanded . the first remedy to cure these indecenies , is to imagine we hear the true persons talking naturally together , and to suppose our selves in their places , and see what we would say upon such an occasion . by this means a man will learn to use sentences seldomer , and to retrench those , that being not necessary to raise the idea of that which he would represent , are only dress'd up for a show . he will likewise learn to strip a great many thoughts of that ambitious air , which forms a general precept out of a trifle . and he will say upon these occasions ; i command you to speak , do you obey : and not like seneca , he that does not speak when commanded , does not do as we command him . in short he will know how to manage the sentences he makes use of better , and how to render them more just . the second remedy is , so to express these sentences , that they be not too apparent ; and that the effect of them befel before they are discern'd . this is * petronius's opinion . he is in the right in referring us to our virgil : for this poet is admirable in the art of inserting sentences . but before we speak of these disguised sentences , let us make this reflection upon the others : that they are generally spoken either by a grave and tragical person , or else by one of the common people . hitherto we have spoken concerning the first of these . and to that which we have already said about it , we add , that the poet should make choice either of such as may excite to action , and encourage those to whom they are spoken , such as this for instance ; * fortune assists the brave and daring souls : or such as may augment the passion , such as these two figurative ones , of the same stile ; * vile avarice ! what bold attempts dost thou excite poor mortals too ? † all conquering love ! who can resist thy sway ? they are made use of quite another way with respect to the vulgar , and the persons of comedy . they are often brought in speaking sententiously , or ( to speak more properly ) in proverbs and punns . the reason of this difference is , that the grave persons invent what they say , according as the present occasion requires ; so that their sentences are so many nice or judicious reflections , which should be inspir'd into them by objects that are present . now it seldom happens , that objects , which are present , inspire these sorts of general thoughts into passionate and interested persons . 't is this that ought to regulate the use of them in poems ; and which art and nature have taught virgil to practise . but the vulgar never invent , they only say over again by rote what they have heard others say often , and what one may suppose they themselves have said an hundred times over . so that their sentences cost them no reflection , nor the least premeditation . besides , they meet with no passion , which they interrupt contrary to art : but they only raise laughter , and that is more conformable to the art and air of comedy . chap. v. of disguis'd sentences . we are now come to shew that the sentences should be disguised ; we shall in some instances of virgil propose the methods whereby he has made these disguises . the most general method is , not to declare the moral instruction in universal terms , but to make an application of it to the action on foot . this , for instance , is a pure sentence , and declar'd in universal terms : those who hate their brethren in this life , shall be severely punished for 't in hell. virgil applys it to his action by saying , that aeneas being in hell , met there among the damn'd such as had hated their brethren here on earth . there are several ways of disguising sentences , and of applying them to the action , sometimes the consequence alone has this effect , when the poet has skill enough to manage it well . in the second book of the aeneid , the trojans were at a stand what they should do with the wooden-horse , that the grecians had left behind them aeneas , that tells the story , relates the opinions of several considerable persons , of thymaetes , capys , laocoon and others , and therewith he mixes the discourses of the people , who in the contrariety of their opinions knew not on what to resolve . we here see nothing but a bare recital of that which happen'd among the trojans upon this occasion ; this may be conceiv'd without a sentence , and without a general and universal proposition . but if this thought be taken from what follows and consider'd alone ; it is without doubt a sentence , and a discourse that shews us in general the nature and the restless inclinations of a people , that deliberate in a hurry , and know not on what to resolve : * the wavering mob can't in their votes agree some are for this , some that : it is no matter by whom , and how many these sentences are utter'd : * ne're faint beneath the weight of any ill : but boldly go , where're thy fortune calls . † let 's follow fate where-ere it leads the way ; let what will come , patience will take away the pressure of it . a sentence is well expressed any of these ways : and these thoughts taken from the places where they are , and consider'd without the consequence , as i here represent them , are true sentences , and moral precepts , which fortifie us against all manner of unlucky accidents , and against the oppositions of fortune . but in the series of the poem , they are , properly speaking , neither sentences , nor general precepts , but advices given to aeneas upon particular occasions . the latin tongue has an advantage over ours in this , by means of the ellipsis . in latin 't is often as elegant to suppress , as 't is to express a word . so that , suppressing the word that makes the particular application , one leaves the thought in that kind of ingenious ambiguity , which we observ'd in the foregoing examples , where there is nothing to be understood . here you have an instance of this ellipsis . the trojans reduc'd to their last shifts by turnus , see aeneas advancing to succour them . the poet says , spes addita suscitat iras . this expression signifies equally , either in particular , that the hope they receiv'd rally'd and increas'd their courage ; or in general , that the hope of approaching and certain succour raises mens courage , and arms them with new vigor . if the poet had added but one word , and said , ollis spes addita suscitat iras ; the first sence would have been clearly expressed , and it would not have been a pure sentence , but the application of a sentence . the leaving out of this word makes it a perfect sentence . but this leaving out the word being so natural , that we can easily understand it ; reduces the sentence into the body of the discourse , and prevents it , as i may so say , from being upon the ramble . this is one of those fine and delicate unions which persius requires . the second way of disguising the sentences , is by applying them sensibly to the particular action . this is done by drawing a particular conclusion from an argument founded upon a general proposition , which we do not express . an instance thereof is this , dido complains , because she did not set upon aeneas , whilst it was in her power ; and she starts this objection against it : that such an assault would have been as dangerous to her as to her enemy . verum anceps pugnae fuerat fortuna . one may answer her in this argument : he that is resolv'd to die , has nothing to fear ; i have nothing then to fear , since i am resolved to die . it would have been ridiculous to have expressed all this in a poem , and to make one as passionate as dido then was , to argue the case thus . 't was requisite then that one or other of these propositions should be made choice of ; each of them is intelligible enough . the mind of the composer does usually determine this without reflection , and he takes either that side to which his over serious wisdom , or to which his own imagination judiciously warm'd , and transformed into that of the person who acts and speaks , inclines him . thus the sage and sententious seneca would not have fail'd taking the general proposition . what signifies ? he would have said , he fears nothing that is resolv'd to die . virgil has follow'd his ordinary flame and stile , and says , fuisset ! quem metus moritura . seneca very frequently in his tragedies , where the moral should be less apparent than in the epopea , uttere his thoughts morally and sententiously ; and virgil on the other hand , in the epick poem , and in places that are design'd for morality , conceals his sentences under figures , and particular applications this tragedian in his design of joyning what is profitable to what is pleasant , has so manag'd things , that he quite hides the pleasant , and stifles the passion that should be predominant , that he may foist in a sentence , the effect whereof is frequently nothing else but the offending those that make impartial reflections thereon ; as in that we have already taken notice of in his oedipus . whilst virgil , retaining in the sentence , he makes use of , all that is profitable and instructive according as he is oblig'd , mixes therewith the lustre and the tenderness of the passions with a judgment and skill that is peculiar to him . if any thing lays us under an obligation of embracing vertue , and abandoning vice , 't is doubtless this maxim , viz. that the chiefest and best recompence of a good action is vertue it self , and the good habits we contract by our good actions ; as on the contrary , vicious actions imprint on us the love of vices and the habits of committing them , which sometimes lead us into a kind of fatal necessity . the habits take such deep rooting in us , that death it self does not make us relinquish them : we preserve to eternity the affections and inclinations which we have contracted in our life-time , and with which we die . so that those who are so unhappy as to leave this world with their vicious inclinations about them , are afflicted with unspeakable torments , when they come to see the deformity of those vices which they cannot divest themselves of , and the beauty of justice and vertue , from which they are banish'd for ever . virgil teaches us all this in several sentences that he disguises after a most admirable manner . the first thing is : that the manners and the habits are the best reward of good actions . he tempers this excellent precept with so much tenderness , that 't is hard to say , whether in this passage he makes use of the profitable , or the pleasant . a young nobleman , eurialus , the most amiable , and the most beloved of all the trojans , meets with an important occasion of serving his prince , to which nothing but his own vertue obliges him . he embraces the opportunity with all earnestness , and is going to expose himself to a death , that perhaps might be the heart-breaking of his mother . she loved this son so passionately , that she was the only woman that followed him into italy , without fearing the dangers and the fatigues which kept all the rest behind at sicily . eurialus , that lov'd his mother as dearly , dares not take his leave of her , because he could not away with the tenderness of her tears . he therefore recommends her to young ascanius . ascanius receives her into his protection : and on both sides they express all the passion , which a great poet was able to inspire them with . 't is in the midst of these passions , that a grave old man with tears in his eyes , embraces eurialus and his dear friend nisus ; prays for their success , and for a reward of so much vertue , promises them such a one as we have been discoursing of . * with this he took the hand of either boy , embrac'd them closely both , and wept for joy. ye brave young men , what equal gifts can we , what recompence for such desert , decree ? the greatest sure , and best you can receive , the gods , your vertue , and your fame will give . [ english'd thus by mr. dryden in his miscellan . part ii. pag. . ] the second sentence is this , that when we die , we carry along with us the habits we have contracted here . the poet makes mention of the troublesome and tormenting habits , upon the occasion of those lovers which aeneas meets with labouring under the same miseries they did before their death . curae non ipsâ in morte relinquunt . and he says as much concerning the pleasant inclinations , when in the elysian fields aeneas meets with heroes that had the same diversions there , which they enjoy'd whilst here on earth . — quae gratia currûm armorumque fuit vivis , quae cura nitentes pascere equos : eadem sequitur tellure repôstos . the poet makes a particular application of this last passage by adding the words chariots and horses . one might entirely retrench them , and that which remains be a pure and perfect sentence . quae gratia fuit vivis , quae cura , eadem sequitur tellure repôstos . the preceding passage is pure and general in the terms , and in the expression . curae non ipsâ in morte relinquunt . 't is the consequence alone that renders it singular , and reduces it into the body of the action . these two particular applications do in the general say the same thing , and teach us ; that we eternally preserve the same passions and habits , which we have contracted whilst living , unless we relinquish them before we die . this is likewise what our poet teaches us , when among the torments of his hell , he mentions that which the damn'd suffer there at the sight of the justice and vertue they have despis'd , and of which they have eternally depriv'd themselves . * the miserable theseus , says virgil , is in hell , and there will for ever be ; and phlegias more miserable than he , is always calling to those about him ; hark ye , cries he to the damn'd , and learn what 't is to be just and pious . this passage presents us with a sentence disguis'd a quite different way from those we have been discoursing of . for the former are concealed under the expression that contains them : but this last , on the other hand , is not contained in the expression that presents it to us . who is there but at first fight will take this verse of virgil for a sentence , and for an admonition to be just and pious ? learn to be just , and don 't the gods contemn . in truth a man would not question but this was the poet's design ; if he only considers his person , and that of the readers ; and he cannot say but that he has given it full force : for to cause this sentence to be spoken in this frightful place of torment , where men are punish'd severely for neglecting to practise it , must needs render it very moving and convincing . but when , without considering the person of the reader , one reflects upon the consequence , and minds only him that speaks , and the persons to whom he speaks : 't is no such easie matter to imagine , that virgil's design was to inspire piety and justice into souls , that are no longer capable thereof , being condemn'd to suffer eternal torments in a place from whence they must never depart . the poet's meaning then is something else , since he makes these words be said in a passage where nothing but crimes and punishments are his theme . the torments of sense , denoted by the chains , the whips , the wheels , and the flames , are not the greatest . the conscience forms such , to which the others are not to be compar'd . and as our author has said , that external things are not even in this life the highest recompence of vertuous actions ; he would have us likewise understand , that 't is the same case with punishments , and that our soul has no greater a tormenter than its own self . * perseus , who has taken many things from virgil , may as well have taken this thought from him too . this poet could not imagin any dreadfuller torment , than for a man to have a view of vertue , when he lies under such a fatal necessity , as to be no longer able to pursue it . plato says , if vertue could be seen with the eyes of the body , it would charm all the world. what torment then must those men needs suffer , who see it more evidently than with their bodily eyes , and are so far from being able to enjoy its charms , that they see themselves ty'd down inseparably to the contrary vices , with which they are forc'd to make this comparison , when in the midst of their torments they are call'd upon , learn to be just , and don 't the gods contemn ? chap. vi. concerning several other thoughts . the points and the neat turns are in the pleasant , what the sentences are in the profitable . their lustre dazles young poets , and others too that have more fancy than judgment . the sentences cool the action , and retard its motions by an unseasonable gravity : and the points destroy the majesty of a poem by pretty conceits that are unbecoming it . sometimes these fine words produce forc'd and ridiculous thoughts , when a poet would prepare them , and start up occasions to make use of them . in the troad of seneca , agamemnon falls out with pyrrhus , and hits him in the teeth , * that the place of his nativity was surrounded with water . † pyrrhus the grandson of thetis replies , that these waters were his grandmothers : from whence 't is concluded that they cannot prejudice his island , nor set bounds to his empire ; since in some sort they belong to it . this was an ingenious repartee : but upon what account does agamemnon upbraid pyrrhus for being born in an island ? this king of kings would never have said thus to pyrrhus , had not the poet foresaw , what this youngster would have answered him . 't is easier redressing this fault , than 't is that of the sentences ; because the sentences and the precepts of morality are necessary to the epopéa , whose sole design is to instruct men , which cannot be done without these sentences . they therefore cannot be excluded . one must learn how to make use of them , and this requires a great deal of art , a great deal of fancy , and a mature and solid judgment . but the points are so little necessary , that one may quite exclude them from a poem . our poets have done so : among so many sentences , there are so few points , and pretty conceits , that one may suppose that even those that happen to be there , are such as crept in without the poets being aware of them . virgil was too ingenious not to meet with a great many points that lay in his way , but he has made no use of them , and by consequence one may presume he wholly rejected them . the amplification of the things one speaks of belongs likewise to the same genius ; and those that are in love with glaring and fine thoughts are subject to a vicious amplification . in the thebaid of s●… oedipus renounces the innocency he had retain'd even in the midst of the crimes he had committed , and he takes them all upon himself , only upon a desire he had of expressing his great kindness for his daughter antigone . he had murder'd his father , and marry'd his mother without knowing it . he was severely punished for it . but when he saw antigone did not abandon him in his miseries , he cries out : o my dear daughter , i am well enough satisfied with my commission of parricide and incest , since 't is to these that i am beholden for such a daughter . the genius of statius , and the frantick desire he had of making all things look great , is such , that he chooses rather to contradict himself , than not have his humour . when he would amplifie the valour of capaneus , jupiter scarce thinks his whole godhead to be match enough for this great man : and after he had darted one thunder bolt at him , he is ready to cast another . and when he comes to speak of the great power of jupiter , this very god smiles at the vanity and weakness of capaneus , and disdains him so much , that he could scarce perswade himself to take his bolt in his hand to crush him with it in pieces . the affected study and knowledge of all arts and sciences , is another dangerous rock to the vanity of writers . though a poet should know ev'ry thing ; yet 't is not with a design he should vent his science by retail , and let the world see the extent of his mind : but that he may say nothing that should argue him ignorant , and that he may speak correctly upon several occasions . 't is requisite likewise that these occasions be natural , and such as appear unavoidable , and unsought for . we have seen one instance of this in the doctrine of the immortality of the soul , which virgil has so judiciously and necessarily placed in his sixth book . 't is so easie to make use of all manner of terms of art in a poem , that a man must be one of little thought and a mean soul , that shall be ambitious of the praise of having done it . there needs only reading over a book of the art one would speak of ; or conversing with an artificer : and after that to make some one or other that understands it see what we have writ about it . an author will be a pitiful creature , if he does not attain his end by this means : but he will not be much the more learned for having succeeded therein . a great poet will never stoop to so low and useless a vanity in an epick poem . let him indeed learn , and know every thing ; but then let him make use of this his knowledge as we before advis'd ; and let him do it by using the most common , and the most intelligble terms he can . the minds of his readers must never be burden'd , when there is no occasion for it : the passions and the pleasure of a poem require an entire freedom from every thing else . the desire of appearing learned , makes a poem smell of it from one end to the other . we shall see women , that in a violent passion will make reflections on things , which in all probability they are wholly ignorant of ; and on which , though they were acquainted with them , they ought not in the condition they are in to spend the least thought . these poetical heroine's are vers'd in history , mythology , geography , a great many curious properties of nature , and very fine lessons in morality : in a word , they are not ignorant , in their very passions , of whatever the poet knows in his study , amidst his books and common places . if they complain of any cruelty , they name ye all the cruel tyrants that ever were , and know without the least mistake , wherein the wicked inclination of each person did consist . † 't is not enough for them to mention busiris and diomedes ; they must needs add the altars of the one , and the horses of the other . they would think it a shame only to know that the scythians are cruel ; they must likewise know that they have no six'd habitation , but are here to day , and there to morrow . this is what seneca's andromache knew ; and on which she reflected even during the sad recital of the death of her only son , little astyanax , who was thrown from the top of a tower. if one considers on all this , one can never be affected with these learned complaints : and if the audience never think thereon , to what purpose are they us'd . the madness of medea is no less learned than the sadness of andromache . this mad-woman threatens to burn the king of corinth's palace : the flame whereof should be seen off the promontory of malea , which lies at the farther end of the peloponnesus . but this is not all ; this passion would not have been learned enough , had not medea added , that this promontory is inaccessible , that the rocks which surround it with water-lilies , oblige the ships to go a great way about , and that they are forc'd to fail at such a distance off it , that their voyage by this means is so much the longer . sometimes likewise , not being able to express these things by circumlocutions , so as to be understood , all shall be included in an epithet , an adverb , or some other word , and then let the reader guess at the meaning . but poems are not invented for this . i shall here make this one reflection more ; that , though we are to avoid ostentation , and never to affect appearing learned : yet we must not fall into the contrary fault , and appear ignorant , as statius has done in the beginning of his thebaid . he undertakes the war of eteocles and polynices , and before he enters upon the m●… he relates all that happen'd at the founding of thebes , and from thence down to their times . he expresses this in a doubt ; and he asks his muses , whether he must begin his recital with the rape of europa . this doubt is a sign of so gross an ignorance in the art , that it betrays a man's want of judgment , when he gives his readers such a disadvantageous character of himself . chap. vii . of the expression . the expression should be suitable to the subjects one treats on , and consequently should be beautiful , noble , and august in the epick poem , as well as in tragedy . but 't is very observable that this beauty , and this grandeur is of a very large extent , and like a genus divides it self into several species . this will be easily conceiv'd , if one recollect what we have already said in the fourth book concerning the character of the hero , and of the whole poem in general . the characters of achilles , vlysses , and aeneas are very great , and yet differ very much from each other . the iliad consists altogether in battles , in anger , and in a continual commotion without bounds and measure . the odysseis on the contrary is full of nothing else but prudence , patience , and wisdom . so that the learned observe there is a considerable difference in the stile and verses of these two poems . there is a great deal of flegm in the odysseis : but the iliad is all over one continual flame . the aeneid should be a great deal softer than the two greek poems . beside this first distinction , each part of which comprehends an entire poem , there are likewise inferiour distinctions , which divide each poem into its episodes and lesser parts . for though the same character should be predominant , yet it should not take up the whole of the poem , there are many passages very different from one another . this alters the stile so far , that * sometimes anger makes comedy wear the buskin , and sometimes sorrow makes tragedy throw it off . this puts me in mind of a queen i saw once upon the stage , who complain'd of her long misfortunes in a stile that was quite opposite thereto . she made a comparison between them , and the happiness of her former years : and she compar'd these different states to the several seasons of the year ; but in such a manner , that she only insisted on the description of the beauty and pleasantness of the spring . and when after a long train of these fine things , which inspir'd nothing but pleasure and joy , she pass'd on to the description of winter , and when one would have expected to hear at last something that was conformable to the present condition of this unfortunate princess , she gave us the reverse of it . she made a description of winter , not by representing the melancholy part of it , but by making an elegant amplification on all the beauties of spring , which the winter wanted . all this was expressed in such choice phrases , which certainly cost the poet those studies and sleepless nights , which * horace condemns in those that make complaints . 't is not enough to express the passion one treats of well ; 't is moreover requisite that one prevent it not by any description that may at first give quite contrary sentiments . i will not make aurora rise with a smile , to see the sad passions which dido had abandon'd her self to , when the first break of day presents her with the flight of aeneas . this concerns the doctrine of the thoughts as much as that of the expression ; and oft times the turn and the expression make all the beauty of a thought a fable , an allusion , a point of doctrine , a metaphor , or some other figure shall be wholly contain'd in one word . that which we are now speaking of is more particularly design'd for the expression . poets are oblig'd to keep up to the rules of art : but they are not to discover them openly . oftentimes these very reflections prejudice , and hinder the pleasure and the passion . in this case they have recourse to some expression and phrase , which being of it self indifferent to the matter that is treated on , and not obliging the reader to any reflection that lessens his attention to the main thing , does yet give those an occasion of finding out the rules and the artifice , who have a mind to look after them . here is one instance of this taken from the supposition of those that suppose that aeneas did not spend the winter in africk . the poet represents the hast which the trojans made to equip their ships for a sudden voyage into italy , and he expresses it thus : frondentesque ferunt remos , & robora sylvis infabricata fugae studio . virgil's meaning will seem sufficiently explain'd , if one should say , that the trojans prepar'd for their departure with so much earnestness and precipitation , that they brought the trees almost just as they found them , without giving themselves the leisure to square them , to take the bark , or so much as to strip the branches off them . and yet the word frondentes is not mention'd , which denotes expresly that these trees had their leaves on : from whence one may conclude , that this time was not the winter season ; and that this other expression , hyberno sidere , which virgil makes use of upon the same occasion , cannot denote that season , but only signifies the tempestuous constellation of orion , which is predominant in the summer . the two remarks i have made in this chapter , are so much the more necessary , because that those who never invent any thing of their own , but make it their only business to translate , do never sufficiently reflect thereon . one of the best translators of the aeneid into french , has in one single verse given us an example of these two things . 't is in that of the fifth book . septima post trojae excidium , jam vertitur aestas . this signifies that 't was the end of the seventh summer since the ruine of troy. by this the poet gives us to understand , that aeneas did not spend the winter in carthage , since he came thither about the solstice of the seventh summer ; and at the end of the same summer he is upon his return to sicily . this likewise makes it appear that anchises , whose anniversary they then celebrated , dyed at the end of the summer . lastly , this serves to give an account what the time and the duration of the epick action in the aeneid is . all these proofs then are enervated , and the quite contrary are brought in in their stead by this translation : le septiéme printemps peint la terre de fleurs . the seventh spring now paints the earth with flowers . beside this pleasant expression , and these terms of spring , flowers , and painted earth , are entirely opposite to the design of him that speaks , and to the occasion upon which it is spoken . the trojan matrons did not lament the death of anchises , whose anniversary they then kept , so much as they did the miseries they had already suffer'd on the sea , and those they were still to suffer . they had not their thoughts then upon the flowers of the spring , nor upon the beauties of the earth , but upon the sad and frightful scenes the sea presented to them ; which they look'd upon with tears in their eyes , and with sighs and complaints in their mouths ; * with weeping eyes the deep they all survey'd ; and fetching hideous sighs , alass ! they said , must we poor wearied souls endure again the rage and fury of the savage main ? chap. viii . how one ought to judge of elocution . whatever rules we have laid down in this treatise , and howsoever we have expressed our thoughts , yet it has been far from our design to form a poet , and to teach men how to make an epopea : but only to give the world a clearer insight into the aeneid . so that we must look upon the whole only as the way whereby one should judge of that excellent piece . 't is upon this consideration that we shall here add some general reflexions to those we have already made . the justness of the judgment one passes upon the thoughts and elocution of an author , depends on the nature of the poem one reads , and which one should be throughly qualified with , and beside that , it depends upon the qualities of the mind of him that reads it . † horace touches upon the first point in the comparison he makes between poetry and painting . pictures have their shadows , their distances , and their point of sight , without which they lose all their grace and regularity . the images that adorn the arch of a very high cupola , are very large where they are , and to those who view them pretty near , represent only members that are monstrous in their projections . a man would render himself ridiculous , if he seriously found fault with those mishapen postures , which men of understanding greatly admire . because in truth these irregular figures are harder to draw well , than all the ordinary decorations , where every thing is just and regular . 't is just so with the works of the poets . it is easie after the same manner to find fault with the most excellent and admirable touches of them . one shall inveigh against homer for carrying on the bravery of achilles even to brutality ; and for degrading the patience of vlysses , even to the making him a beggar . he will laugh at the meekness and piety of aeneas ; and prefer the valour of turnus before him . and yet that which appears defective in these poetical hero's , is just in the same manner as certain . pictures seem irregular , when one takes them out of their proper place , and considers them alone , without their circumstances . these pretended faults have more justness and artifice in them and are a great deal harder to manage , than the pitiful beauties , and the cold and languishing perfections , which the meanest poets may steal from morality , and give to their chief personages . poetry then has its shadow , and its point of sight as well as painting . and to discover the beauty and artifice of each passage , a man must not examine it alone and without its circumstances ; for then he will be liable to mistakes . he should read it with the same passions with which it was penn'd . and he must entertain these motions in the whole series of the subject matter , and of the body of the poem . to do otherwise , is to deceive ones self , or upon design to deceive others . 't is to do as eschynes , when he upbraids demosthenes , and says , the phrases he made use of were more like monsters than words in a speech . that they might appear such , he proposes them out of their due place , and without that patheticalness with which they were spoken and heard . cicero says this is no such hard matter . nor is there any difficulty to find fault with several beauties of homer and virgil , and to turn them into ridicule , either by being ignorant of the art , or by the wit of an enemy , or by the spite of an envious humour , or lastly by the buffooneries of a railer . we may likewise fall into these false criticisms for want of learning , and a deep reach . we would fain have homer and virgil form the customs and manners of their personages according to the modern mode . we think their ways of speaking fantastical , because they would be ridiculous , if turn'd verbatim into our language . we faney there 's an extraordinary meanness in the words pots and kettles , blood , fat , the intestines and other parts of animals , because all this is now nothing else but butcher's and kitchen-girls language , and we are apt to laugh at it . and we never consider that in homer and virgil's time all this was agreeable to the sense of the * holy ghost himself , which could never be in the wrong , that god had very carefully enjoyn'd moses all these things , as the most august and venerable that he would have us'd in the religion and worship he requir'd of men ; and that lastly , queens , and princesses , and persons of the finest make , observ'd them with care , respect , and veneration . 't is therefore according to these ideas that our poets were bound to speak of these things . they would have been impious had they treated these subjects with contempt . and perhaps a christian would do little better , should he dare to ridicule them , especially if we reflect that the books of homer and virgil have us'd them less than they are made use of in several books of the holy bible , which a man by thus doing will expose to the buffoonery of libertines and atheists . the expression in its kind is of no less extent , and requires no less study . the greek and latin are two dead languages , of which we are no longer masters . they have their turns , their delicacies , and their beauties , which we ought to study in the best originals . it would be a piece of vanity , if we pretended to understand the languages which we no longer speak , as well as those who have improv'd them for so many ages together , and as well as those that have brought them to their highest perfection , and have come off with the greatest success . shall a french man , or any man now a days pretend that he is better qualified to criticise upon homer than aristotle was ? if not , then we should credit him * , when he assures us , that this poet has surpass'd all others in the art of writing well , whether we consider his sentiments and thoughts , or whether we consider his expression : and that he has not only excell'd all others , but met with perfect success . we may therefore shut up all by ending as we began . languages as well as poems are the inventions of art and a genius , which gives them their form and perfection . if we have a mind to know them throughly , and to pass a right judgment upon the ancients , we must before every thing rectifie our judgment . if a man has a mind to know whether a line be strait or no , he does not take the next piece of wood he can find to clap to it , but this piece of wood must in the first place be made perfectly strait , if he would have it serve for a rule : else , if he applys it , and it does not touch all the parts of the line , he will not guess whether the fault be in the line or in the piece of wood. just so likewise , before we judge of a poem , we should rectifie our judgment , and prove it by the excellent works of the best masters . if they do not please us , we should rather think the fault is in our own judgments , than in those models ; and if they do please us , we may rely upon our selves with the greater assurance , according to that judicious thought of quinctilian : that he whom cicero pleases , should by that conclude , that he has benefited himself very much . the same thing we say of our four authors . a person may rely upon his own judgment in that which concerns the epick poem , and may assure himself of its rectitude and straightness , when his thoughts , his genius , and his reasonings are conformable to the precepts of aristotle and horace , and to the practice of homer and virgil. the end . an essay vpon satyr , written by the famous monsieur dacier . horace having entitled his books of satyrs sermones and satyrae indifferently , and these two titles giving different idea's ; i think it very necessary to explain what the latins understood by the word satyr . the learned casaubon is the first , and indeed the only man , that has with success attempted to shew what the satyrical poesie of the greeks , and the satyr of the romans , was . his book is an inestimable treasure ; and it must be confessed , i have had considerable helps from it ; which is the use we ought to make of the works of such extraordinary men , who have gone before us only to be our guides , and serve us as torches in the darkness of antiquity . nevertheless , you must not so continually fix your eyes upon them , as not to consider whither you are led : for they divert sometimes into paths , where you cannot with safety follow them . this method is what my self have observed in forsaking my directors , and have ventured that way which no body before me has gone ; of which the following discourse will convince you . satyr is a kind of poetry only known amongst the romans , having no relation to the satyrical poesie of the greeks , though some learned men have pretended to the contrary . quinctilian leaves no room to doubt upon this point , when he writes in chap. . satyra quidem tota nostra est . the same reason makes horace call it , in the last satyr of book . graecis intactum carmen . the natural and true etymology is this : the latins called it satvr , quasi plenum , to which there was nothing wanting for its perfection . thus satur color , when the wool has taken a good dye , and nothing can be added to the perfection of it . from satur they have made satura , which they wrote sometimes with an i , satira : they used in other words , the same variation of the letter u into i , as in maxumus , maximus ; optumus , optimus . satura is an adjective , which has reference to a substantive understood ; for the ancient romans said saturam , understanding lancem : and satura lanx was properly a bason fill'd with all sorts of fruit , which they offer'd every year to ceres and bacchus , as the first fruits of all they had gathered . these offerings of different things mix'd together , were not unknown to the greeks , who call'd 'em 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , a sacrifice of all sorts of fruit , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , an offering of all sorts of grain , when they offer'd pot-herbs . the grammarian diomedes has perfectly describ'd both the custom of the romans , and the word satura , in this passage , lanx referta varias multisque primitiis , sacris cereris inferebatur , & à copia & saturitate rei , satura vocabatur : cujus generis lancium & virgilius in georgicis meminit , cum hoc modo dicit , lancibus & pandis fumantia reddimus exta . and — lancesque & liba feremus . from thence the word satura was apply'd to many other mixtures , as in festus : satyra cibi genus , ex variis rebus conditum . from hence it pass'd to the works of the mind ; for they call'd some laws leges saturas , which contain'd many heads or titles ; as the julian , papian , and popean laws , which were called miscellas , which is of the same signification with satura . from hence arose this phrase , per saturam legem ferre , when the senate made a law , without gathering , and counting the votes , in haste , and confusedly all together , which was properly call'd , per saturam sententias exquirere , as salust has it after lelius . but they rested not here , but gave this name to certain books , as pescennius festus , whose histories were call'd saturas , or per saturam . from all these examples , 't is not hard to suppose , that these works of horace took from hence their name , and that they were call'd , saturae quia multis & variis rebus hoe carmen refertum est , because these poems are full of a great many different things , as porphyrius says , which is partly true . but it must not be thought it is immediately from thence ; for this name had been used before for other things , which bore a nearer resemblance to the satyrs of horace ; in explanation of which , a method is to be follow'd , which casaubon himself never thought of , and which will put things in so clear a light , that there can be no place left for doubt . the romans having been almost four hundred years without any scenical plays , chance and debauchery made them find in one of their feasts , the saturnian and fescennine verses , which for six score years they had instead of dramatick pieces . but these verses were rude , and almost without any numbers , as being made extempore , and by a people as yet but barbarous , who had little other skill , than what flow'd from their joy , and the fumes of wine . they were filled with the grossest sort of raileries , and attended with gestures and dances . to have a livelier idea of this , you need but reflect upon the honest peasants , whose clownish dances are attended with extempore verses ; in which , in a wretched manner , they jeer one another with all they know . to this horace refers in the first epistle of his second book ; fescennina per hunc inventa licentia morem , versibus alternis opprobria rustica fudit . this licentious and irregular verse , was succeeded by a sort more correct , filled with a pleasant raillery , without the mixture of any thing scurrillous ; and these obtain'd the name of satyrs , by reason of their variety , and had regulated forms , that is , regular dances and musick ; but undecent postures were banish'd . titus livius has it in his seventh book . vernaculis artificibus , quia hister tusco verbo ludio vocabatur , nomen histrionibus inditum , qui non sicut ante fescennino versu similem compositum temere , ac rudem alternis faciebant ; sed impletas modis satyras , descripto jam ad tibicinem cantu , motuque congruents peragebant . these satyrs were properly honest farces , in which the spectators and actors were rallied without distinction . livius andronicus found things in this posture when he first undertook to make comedies and tragedies in imitation of the grecians . this diversion appearing more noble and perfect , they run to it in multitudes , neglecting the satyrs for some time , tho they receiv'd them a little after ; and some modell'd them into a purpos'd form , to act at the end of their comedies , as the french act their farces now . and then they alter'd their name of satyrs for that of exodia , which they preserve to this day . this was the first and most ancient kind of roman satyr . there are two other sorts , which though very different from this first , yet both owe their birth to this , and are , as it were , branches of it . this i shall prove the most succinctly i can . a year after livius andronicus had caus'd his first efforts to be acted , italy gave birth to ennius ; who being grown up , and having all the leisure in the world to observe the eager satisfaction with which the romans receiv'd the satyrs , of which i have already spoke , was of opinion , that poems , tho not adapted to the theatre , yet preserving the gaul , the railings , and pleasantness which made these satyrs take with so much applause , would not fail of being well receiv'd : he therefore ventur'd at it , and compos'd several discourses , to which he retain'd the name of satyrs . these discourses were entirely like those of horace , both for the matter and the variety . the only essential difference that is observable , is , that ennius , in imitation of some greeks , and of homer himself , took the liberty of mixing several kinds of verses together , as , hexameters , iambics , trimeters , with tetrimeters , trochaics or square verse ; as it appears from the fragments which are left us . these following verses are of the square kind , which aulus gellius has preserv'd us , and which very well merit a place here for the beauty they contain : hoc erit tibi argumentum semper in promptu situm , ne quid expectes amicos , quod tute agere possies . i attribute also to these satyrs of ennius these other kinds of verses , which are of a beauty and elegance much above the age in which they were made ; nor will the sight of 'em here be unpleasant . non habeo denique nauci marsum augurem , non vicanos aruspices , non de cicro astrologos , non isiacos conjectores , non interpretes hominum : non enim sunt ii aut scientia , aut arte divini ; sed superstitiosi vates , impudentesque harioli , aut inertes , aut insani , aut quibus egestas imperat : qui sui quaestus causa fictas suscitant sententias , qui sibi semitam non sapiunt , alteri monstrant viam , quibus devitias pollicentur , ab iis drachmam petunt , de divitiis deducant drachmam , reddant caetera . horace has borrow'd several things from these satyrs . after ennius , came pacuvius ; who also writ satyrs in imitation of his unkle ennius . lucilius was born in the time when pacuvius was in most reputation . he also wrote satyrs . but he gave 'em a new turn , and endeavoured to imitate , as near as he could , the character of the old greek comedy , of which we had but a very imperfect idea in the ancient roman satyr , and such , as one might find in a poem , which nature alone had dictated before the romans had thought of imitating the grecians , and enriching themselves with their spoils . 't is thus you must understand this passage of the first satyr of the second book of horace . — quid , cum est lucilius ausis , primus in hunc operis componere carmina morem ? horace never intended by this to say , that there were no satyrs before lucilius , because ennius and pacuvius were before him , whose example he followed : he only would have it understood , that lucilius having given a new turn to this poem , and embellish'd it , ought by way of excellence to be esteemed the first author . quinctilian had the same thought , when he writ , in the first chapter of the tenth book , satyra quidem tota nostra est , in qua primus insignem laudem adeptus est lucilius . you must not therefore be of the opinion of casaubon , who building on the judgment of diomedes , thought that the satyr of ennius , and that of lucilius , were entirely different : these are the very words of this grammarian , which have deceived this judicious critick : satyra est carmen apud romanos , non quidem apud graecos maledicum , ad carpenda hominum vitia , archaeae comoediae charactere compositum , quale scripserunt lucilius & horatius , & persius . sed olim carmen quod ex variis poematibus constabat , satyra dicebatur , quale scripserunt pacuvius & ennius . you may see plainly , that diomedes distinguishes the satyr of lucilius from that of ennius and pacuvius ; the reason which he gives for this distinction , is ridiculous , and absolutely false . the good man had not examin'd the nature and origin of these two satyrs , which were entirely like one another , both in matter and form ; for lucilius added to it only a little politeness , and more salt , almost without changing any thing : and if he did not put together several sorts of verse in the same piece , as ennius has done , yet he made several pieces , of which some were entirely hexameters , others entirely iambics , and others trechaics , as is evident from his fragments . in short , if the satyrs of lucilius differ from these of ennius , because the former has added much to the endeavours of the latter , as casaubon has pretended , it will follow from thence , that those of horace , and those of lucilius , are also entirely different ; for horace has no less refin'd on the satyrs of lucilius , than he on those of ennius and pacuvius . this passage of diomedes has also deceiv'd dousa the son. i say not this to expose some light faults of these great men , but only to shew , with what exactness , and with what caution , their works must be read , when they treat of any thing so obscure and so ancient . i have made appear what was the ancient satyr , that was made for the theatre : i have shewn , that that gave the idea of the satyr of ennius : and , in fine , i have sufficiently prov'd , that the satyrs of ennius and pacuvius , of lucilius and horace , are but one kind of poem , which has received its perfection from the last . 't is time now to speak of the second kind of satyr , which i promised to explain , and which is also derived from the ancient satyr : 't is that which we call varronian , or the satyr of menippus the cinick philosopher . this satyr was not only composed of several sorts of verse , but varro added prose to it , and made a mixture of greek and latin. quinctilian , after he had spoke of the satyr of lucitius , adds , alterum illud est , & prius satyrae genus , quod non sola carminum varietate mistum condidit terentius varro , vir romanorum eruditissimus . the only difficulty of this passage is , that quinctilian assures us , that this satyr of varro was the first ; for how could that be , since varro was a great while after lucilius ? quinctilian meant not that the satyr of varro was the first in order of time ; for he knew well enough , that in that respect he was the last : but he would give us to understand , that this kind of satyr , so mix'd , was more like the satyr of ennius and pacuvius , who gave themselves a greater liberty in this composition than lucilius , who was more severe and correct . we have now only some fragments left of the satyr of varro , and those generally very imperfect ; the titles , which are most commonly double , shew the great variety of subjects , of which varro treated . seneca's book on the death of claudius , boetius his consolation of philosophy , and that of petronius arbiter , are satyrs entirely like those of varro . this is what i have in general to say on satyr ; nor is it necessary i insist any more on this subject . this the reader may observe , that the name of satyr in latin , is not less proper for discourses that recommend virtue , than to those which are design'd against vice. it had nothing so formidable in it as it has now , when a bare mention of satyr makes them tremble , who would fain seem what they are not ; for satyr , with us , signifies the same thing , as exposing or lashing of some thing or person : yet this different acceptation alters not the word , which is always the same ; but the latins , in the titles of their books , have often had regard only to the word , in the extent of its signification , founded on its etymology , whereas we have had respect only to the first and general use , which has been made of it in the beginning , to mock and deride ; yet this word ought always to be writ in latin with an ( u ) or ( i ) satura , or satira , and in english by an ( i ) . those who have wrote it with a ( y ) thought with scaliger , heinsius , and a great many others , that the divinities of the groves , which the grecians call'd satyrs , the romans fauns , gave their names to these pieces ; and that of the word satyrus they had made satyra , and that these satyrs had a great affinity with the satyrick pieces of the greeks , which is absolutely false , as casaubon has very well prov'd it , in making it appear , that of the word satyrus they could never make satyra , but satyrica : and in shewing the difference betwixt the satyrick poems of the greeks , and the roman satyrs . mr. spanheim , in his fine preface to the caesars , of the emperour julian , has added new reflections to those which this judicious critick had advanced ; and he has establish'd , with a great deal of judgment , five or six essential differences between those two poems , which you may find in his book . the greeks had never any thing that came near this roman satyr , but their silli [ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ] which were also biting poems , as they may easily be perceived to be yet , by some fragments of the silli of timon . there was however this difference , that the silli of the greeks were parodious from one end to the other , which cannot be said of the roman satyrs ; where , if sometimes you find some parodia's , you may plainly see that the poet did not design to affect it , and by consequence the parodia's do not make the essence of a satyr , as they do the essence of the silli . having explain'd the nature , origin , and progress of satyr , i 'll now say a word or two of horace in particular . there cannot be a more just idea given of this part of his works , than in comparing them to the statues of the sileni , to which alcibiades in the banquet compares socrates . they were figures , that without had nothing agreeable or beautiful , but when you took the pains to open them , you found the figures of all the gods. in the manner that horace presents himself to us in his satyrs , we discover nothing of him at first that deserves our attachment . he seems to be fitter to amuse children , than to employ the thoughts of men ; but when we remove that which hides him from our eyes , and view him even to the bottom , we find in him all the gods together ; that is to say , all those vertues which ought to be the continual practice of such as seriously endeavour to forsake their vices . hitherto we have been content to see only his out-side ; and 't is a strange thing , that satyrs , which have been read so long , have been so little understood , or explain'd : they have made a halt at the out-side , and were wholly busied in giving the interpretation of words . they have commented upon him like grammarians , not philosophers ; as if horace had writ meerly to have his language understood , and rather to divert , than instruct us . that is not the end of this work of his . the end of any discourse is , the action for which that discourse is compos'd ; when it produces no action , 't is only a vain amusement , which idly tickles the ear , without ever reaching the heart . in these two books of his satyrs , horace would teach us , to conquer our vices , to rule our passions , to follow nature , to limit our desires , to distinguish true from false , and idea's from things , to forsake prejudice , to know throughly the principles and motives of all our actions , and to shun that folly which is in all men who are bigotted to the opinions they have imbibed under their teachers , which they keep obstinately , without examining whether they are well grounded . in a word , he endeavours to make us happy for our selves , agreeable , and faithful to our friends , easie , discreet , and honest to all , with whom we are oblig'd to live . to make us understand the terms he uses , to explain the figures he employs , and to conduct the reader safely through the labyrinth of a difficult expression , or obscure parenthesis , is no great matter to perform : and as epictetus says , there is nothing in that beautiful , or truly worthy a wise man. the principal and most important business , is , to shew the rise , the reason , and the proof of his precepts , to demonstrate that those who do not endeavour to correct themselves by so beautiful a model , are just like sick men , who having a book full of receipts , proper to their distempers , content themselves to read 'em , without comprehending them , or so much as knowing the advantage of them . i urge not this because i have my self omitted any thing in these annotations , which was the incumbent duty of a grammarian to observe ; this i hope the world will be sensible of , and that there remains no more difficulty in the text. but that which has been my chief care , is , to give an insight into the very matter that horace treats of , to shew the solidity of his reasons , to discover the turns he makes use of to prove what he aims at , and to refute or elude that which is opposed to him , to confirm the truth of his decisions , to make the delicacy of his sentiments perceiv'd , to expose to open day the folly he finds in what he condemns . this is what none have done before me . on the contrary , as horace is a true proteus , that takes a thousand different forms , they have often lost him , and not knowing where to find him , have grappled him as well as they could ; they have palm'd upon him in several places , not only opinions which he had not , but even those which he directly refutes : i don't say this to blame those who have taken pains before me on the works of this great poet ; i commend their endeavours ; they have open'd me the way ; and if it be granted , that i have some little advantage over them , i owe it wholly to the great men of antiquity , whom i have read with more care , and without doubt with more leisure . i speak of homer , of plato , and aristotle , and of some other greek and latin authors , which i study centinually , that i may 〈◊〉 my taste on theirs , and draw out of their writings , the justness of wit , good sense and reason . i know very well , that there are now a days some authors , who laugh at these great names , who disallow the acclamations which they have receiv'd from all ages , and who would deprive them of the crowns which they have so well deserv'd , and which they have got before such august tribunals . but for fear of falling into admiration , which they look upon as the child of ignorance , they do not perceive that they go from that admiration , which plato calls the mother of wisdom , and which was the first that opened mens eyes . i do not wonder that the celestial beauties , which we find in the writing of these incomparable men , lose with them all their attractives and charms , because they have not the strength to keep their eyes long enough upon them . besides , it is much easier to despise than understand them . as for my self , i declare , that i am full of admiration and veneration for their divine geniuses : i have them always before my eyes , as venerable and incorruptible judges ; before whom i take pleasure to fansie , that i ought to give an account of my writings . at the same time i have a great respect for posterity , and i always think with more fear than confidence , on the judgment that will pass on my works , if they are happy enough to reach it . all this does not hinder me from esteeming the great men that live now . i acknowledge , that there are a great many who are an honour to our age , and who would have adorn'd the ages past . but amongst these great men i speak of , i do not know one , and there cannot be one , who does not esteem and honour the ancients who is not of their taste , and who follows not their rules . if you go never so little from them , you go at the same time from nature and truth ; and i shall not be afraid to affirm , that it wou'd not be more difficult to see without eyes , or light , than 't is impossible to acquire a solid merit , and to form the understanding by other means , than by those that the greeks and romans have traced for us : whether it be that we follow them by the only force of natural happiness , or instinct , or that art and study have conducted us thither . as for those who thus blame antiquity , without knowing of it , once for all i 'll undeceive them , and make it appear , that in giving all the advantage to our age , they take the direct course to dishonour it ; for what greater proofs can be of the rudeness , or rather barbarity of an age , than in it to hear homer called dull and heavy , plato tiresome and tedious , aristotle ignorant , demosthenes and cicero vulgar orators , virgil a poet without either grace or beauty , and horace an author unpolished , languid , and without force ? the barbarians who ravag'd greece , and italy , and who laboured with so much fury to destroy all things that were fine and noble , have never done any thing so horrible as this . but i hope that the false taste of some particular men without authority , will not be imputed to the whole age , nor give the least blemish to the ancients . 't was to no purpose that a certain emperour declar'd himself an enemy to homer , virgil , and titus livius . all his efforts were ineffectual , and the opposition he made to works so perfect , serv'd only to augment in his history the number of his follies , and render him more odious to all posterity . of pastorals . by monsieur de fontenelle , englished by mr. motteux . of all kinds of poetry the pastoral is probably the most ancient , as the keeping of flocks was one of the first employments which men took up . 't is very likely that these primitive shepherds , amidst the tranquility and leisure which they enjoy'd , bethought themselves of singing their pleasures and their loves ; and then their flocks , the woods , the springs , and all those objects that were most familiar to them naturally came into the subject of their songs . they liv'd in great plenty after their way , without any controul by superiour power , being in a manner the kings of their own flocks ; and i do not doubt but that a certain joy and openness of heart that generally attends plenty and liberty induo'd them to sing , and to make verses . society in time was brought to perfection , or rather declin'd and was perverted ; and men took up employments that seem'd to them of greater consequence ; more weighty affairs fill'd their minds , towns and cities were built every where , and mighty states at last were founded and establisht . then those who liv'd in the country became slaves to those who dwelt in cities , and the pastoral life being grown the lot of the most wretched sort of people , no longer inspir'd any delightful thought . to please others in ingenious composures , men ought to be in a condition to free themselves from pressing want ; and their minds ought to be refin'd through a long use of civil society : now a pastoral life has always wanted one of these two circumstances : the primitive shepherds , of whom we have spoken , liv'd indeed in plenty enough , but in their times the world had not yet had leisure to grow polite . the following ages might have produc'd something more refin'd , but the shepherds of those days were too poor and dejected : so that the country-way of living , and the poetry of shepherds must needs have been always very homely and artless . and indeed nothing is more certain , than that no real shepherds can be altogether like those of theocritus . can any one think that 't is natural for shepherds to say like his ? [ * gods ! when she view'd , how strong was the surprise ! her soul took fire , and sparkled through her eyes ! how did her passions , how her fury move ! how soon she plung'd into th' abyss of love ! let the following passages be examin'd : o that , to crown what e're my wish can crave , i were that bee which flies into your cave ! there softly through your garland wou'd i creep , and steal a kiss when you are fast asleep ! i know what love is now , a cruel god , a tygress bore , and nurs'd him in a wood , a cruel god , he shoots through ev'ry vein — the fair calistris , as my goats i drove , with apples palts me , and still murmurs love. the pastures flourish , and the flocks improve , all smiles , so soon as here resorts my love ; but oh! when e're the dear one leaves the place , at once there fades the shepherds and the grass . ye gods , i wish not heaps of gold refin'd , nor rapid swiftness to outstrip the wind ; but let me sit and sing by yonder rock , clasp thee , my dear , and view my feeding flock . i am of opinion that there will be found in these expressions more beauty and more delicacy of imagination than real shepherds have . but i don't know how theocritus having sometimes rais'd his shepherds in so pleasing a manner above their native genius , could let them so very often fall to it again : i wonder he did not perceive 't was fit that a certain gross clownishness , which is always very unbecoming , should be omitted . when daphnis in the first idyllium is ready to die for love , and a great number of deities are come to visit him , in the midst of that honourable company , he is reprov'd for being like the goat-herds , who envy the pleasure of their copulating goats , and are jealous of them ; and 't is most certain that the terms us'd by theocritus to represent this , are much of the kind of the idea which they give . ah daphnis , loose and wanton in thy love ! a herdsman thought , thou dost a goat-herd prove : a goat-herd , when he sees the kids at rut , sits down , and grieves that he 's not born a goat : thus , when you see the virgins dance , you grieve , because refus'd , and now disdain to live . in another idyllium the goat-herd comatas , and the herdsman laco contend about some theft , which they have committed against each other ; comatas stole laco's pipe , and laco had stollen the skin which comatas us'd to wear to cover himself withal , so that he had left him bare . they rail at each other , and vent their passion in reviling and abusive words , which might become a couple of graecians , but certainly are not over civil ; and then , after a gentle item which one of them gives the other of smelling rank , they both sing for a wager ; the one having challeng'd the other to that musical fight , though it should rather have been to a rubbers at fisticuffs , considering what went before ; and what seems the more odd , is , that whereas they begun with gross taunts and ill language , now that they are going to sing against each other , they affect an uncommon niceness concerning the choice of the place where they are to sing ; each proposing one , of which he makes a florid description . for my part , i have much a-do to believe that all this is very well set together . their songs are as odly diversify'd ; for among the things that relate to their amours , and that are pretty , comatas puts laco in mind of a beating which he bestow'd upon him ; and laco answers him , that he does not remember it , but that he has not forgot how comatas was bound and soundly lash'd by his master eumaras . i do not fansie that those who say that venus , the graces , and cupid compos'd theocritus's idyllia , will pretend that they had a hand in these passages . there are some other places in theocritus that are not altogether so low , which yet are not very entertaining , because they barely treat of country matters . his fourth idyllium is wholly of this kind . the subject of it is only a certain aegon , who , being gone to the olympick games , has left his herds to one corydon . battus tells the trustee , that the herds are in a pitiful condition since aegon left them . corydon answers , that he does his best , that he drives them to the best pastures he knows , and feeds them at a rack of hay . battus says that aegon 's pipe is spoil'd and mouldy in his absence ; corydon replys . that it is not so , that aegon when he went gave it him , and that he is a notable piper . then battus desires corydon , to pull a thorn out of his foot , and the other having advis'd him , never to walk over mountains without his shooes , the idyllium presently concludes , a thing which those who are not conversant with antiquity , would scarce have believ'd possible . when in a pastoral strife one says , ho! my goats go on the brow of yonder hill ; and the other answers , go , my sheep , feed on to the eastward . or , i hate the brush-tail'd fox , which comes at night and devours our grapes ; and the other , i hate the beetles that eat the figs. or , when one says , i have made my self a bed with cow's skins near a cool stream , and there i value summer's burning heats , no more than children do their fathers threats , their mothers kind complaints , &c. and the other answers , i live in a large shady cave , where soft chitterlings afford me pleasing food , and when the winter comes i 'm stor'd with wood ; so that i value cold no more , not i , than toothless men do nuts when pap is by . may not these discourses be thought too clownish , and fitter to be spoken by real country fellows than by such shepherds as are introduc'd in eclogues ? virgil , who having had the example of theocritus before his eyes , has had an opportunity to outdo him , hath made his shepherds more polite and agreeable . any one who compares his third eclogue with that of laco and comatas in theocritus will easily find how well he cou'd rectifie and surpass what he did imitate : not but that he still somewhat too much resembles theocritus , when he loses some time in making his pastors say , beware the stream , drive not the sheep too nigh , the bank may fail , the ram is hardly dry . and , kids from the river drive , and sling your hook , anon i 'll wash them in the shallow brook. and , boys , drive to shades , when milk is drain'd by heat , in vain the milk-maid stroaks an empty teat . all this is the less pleasing considering that it comes after some tender things which are very pretty and genteel , and which have made the reader the more unfit to relish such things as altogether relate to the country . calpurnius a writer of eclogues , who liv'd almost three hundred years after virgil , and whose works however are not wholly destitute of beauty , seems to have been sorry that virgil did express but with the words , novimus & qui te , those injurious terms with which laco and comatas treat one another in theocritus ; tho after all , it had yet been better had virgil wholly supprest that short hint . calpurnius has judg'd this passage worthy a larger extent and therefore wrote an eclogue which is made up of nothing but those invectives , with which two shepherds ready to sing for a prize , ply each other with a great deal of fury , till the shepherd who was to be their judge , is so affrighted that he runs away and leaves ' em . a very fine conclusion ! but no author ever made his shepherds so clownish as j. baptista mantuanus , a latin poet , who liv'd in the foregoing age , and who has been compar'd to virgil , tho he has indeed nothing common with him besides his being of mantua . the shepherd faustus describing his mistress , says , that she had a good big bloated red face , and that , though she was almost blind of an eye , he thought her more beautiful than diana . 't were impossible to guess what precaution another shepherd takes before he begins a discourse of considerable length ; and who knows but that our modern mantuan valued himself mightily upon having copied nature most faithfully in those passages ? i therefore am of opinion , that pastoral poetry cannot be very charming if it is as low and clownish as shepherds naturally are ; or if it precisely runs upon nothing but rural matters . for , to hear one speak of sheep and goats , and of the care that ought to be taken of those animals , has nothing which in it self can please us ; what is pleasing is the idea of quietness , which is inseparable from a pastoral life . let a shepherd say , my sheep are in good case , i conduct them to the best pastures , they feed on nothing but the best grass , and let him say this in the best verse in the world , i am sure that your imagination will not be very much delighted with it . but let him say , how free from anxious cares is my life ! in what a quiet state i pass my days ! all my desires rise no higher than that i may see my flocks in a thriving condition , and the pastures wholesome and pleasing ; i envy no man's happiness , &c. you perceive that this begins to become more agreeable : the reason of it is , that the idea runs no longer immediately upon country affairs , but upon the little share of care which shepherds undergo , and upon the quietness and leisure which they enjoy ; and what is the chiefest point , upon the cheapness of their happiness . for , all men would be happy , and that too at an easie rate . a quiet pleasure is the common object of all their passions , and we are all controuled by a certain laziness : even those who are most stirring are not precisely such for business sake , or because they love to be in action , but because they cannot easily satisfie themselves . ambition , as it is too much an enemy to this natural laziness , is neither a general passion nor very delicious . a considerable part of mankind is not ambitious ; many have begun to be such , but by the means of some undertakings and ties that have determin'd them before they seriously reflected on what they did , and that have made them unfit ever to return to calmer inclinations ; and even those who have most ambition , do often complain of the cares which it exacts and the pains that attend it . the reason of this is that the native laziness , of which we were speaking , is not wholly supprest , though it has been sacrificed to that presumptuous tyrant of the mind ; it prov'd the weakest , and cou'd not over balance its rival ; yet it still subsists and continually opposes the motions of ambition . now no man can be happy while he is divided by two warring inclinations . however , i do not say that men can relish a state of absolute laziness and idleness ; no , they must have some motion , some agitation , but it must be such a motion and agitation as may be reconcil'd , if possible , to the kind of laziness that possesses 'em ; and this is most happily to be found in love , provided it be taken in a certain manner . it must neither be a hot , jealous , touchy , furious , desperate love , but tender , pure , simple , delicate , faithful , and , that it may preserve it self in this state , attended with hopes : then the heart is taken up , but not disturb'd ; we have cares , but no uneasinesses ; we are mov'd , but not torn , and this soft motion is just such , as the love of rest , and our native laziness can bear it . besides , 't is most certain that love is the most general and the most agreable of all the passions . so , in the state of life which we have now describ'd , there is a concurrence of the two strongest passions , laziness and love ; which thus are both satisfied at once ; and , that we may be as happy as 't is possible we should by the passions , 't is necessary that all those by which we are mov'd , agree together in us . this is properly what we conceive of a pastoral life . for , it admits of no ambition , nor of any thing that moves the heart with too much violence ; therefore our laziness has cause to be contented . but this way of living by reason of its idleness and tranquility creates love more easily than any other , or at least indulges it more : but after all , what love ! a love more innocent , because the mind is not so dangerously refin'd ; more assiduous , because those who feel it are not diverted by any other passion ; more full of discretion , because they hardly have any acquaintance with vanity ; more faithful because with a vivacity of imagination less used , they have also less uneasiness , less distaste , and less fickleness ; that is to say , in short , a love purg'd of whatever the excesses of human fancy have sophisticated it with . this consider'd , 't is not to be admir'd why the pictures which are drawn of a pastoral life , have always something so very smiling in them , and indulge our fancies more than the pompous description of a splendid court and of all the magnificence that can shine there . a court gives us no idea but of toilsome and constrain'd pleasures : for , as we have observ'd , the idea is all in all : cou'd the scene of this quiet life , with no other business but love , be plac'd any where but in the country , so that no goats nor sheep shou'd be brought in , i fansie it would be never the worse ; for , the goats and sheep add nothing to its felicity ; but as the scene must lye either in the country or in towns , it seems more reasonable to chuse the first . as the pastoral life is the most idle of all others , 't is also the most fit to be the ground work of those ingenious representations of which we are speaking . so that no ploughmen , reapers , vine-dressers or hunts men , can by any means be so properly introduc'd in eclogues , as shepherds : which confirms what i said , that what makes this kind of poetry please , is not it's giving an image of a country life , but rather the idea which it gives of the tranquility and innocence of that life . yet there is an idyllium of battus and milo , two reapers in theocrtius , which has beauties . milo asks battus why he does not reap as fast as he used to do ? he answers , that he is in love , and then sings something that 's very pretty about the woman that he loves . but milo laughs at him , and tells him he is a fool , for being so idle as to be in love ; that this is not an imployment fit for one who works for food ; and that , to divert himself and excite one another to work , he should sing some songs which he denotes to him , and which altogether relate to the harvest . i must needs own that i do not so well like this conclusion . for i would not be drawn from a pleasing and soft idea to another that is low and without charms . sannazarius has introduced none but fishermen in his eclogues ; and i always perceive , when i read those piscatory poems , that the idea which i have of the fishermen's hard and toilsome way of living , shocks me . i don't know what moved him to bring in fishermen instead of shepherds , who were in possession of the eclogue time out of mind , but had the fishermen been in possession of it , it had been necessary to put the shepherds in their place : for , singing , and above all , an idle life becomes none but shepherds : besides methinks 't is prettier and more genteel to send flowers or fruit to one's mistress , than send her oysters as sannazarius's lyco doth to his . 't is true that theocritus hath an idyllium of two fishermen ; but it doth not seem to me so beautiful as to have deserv'd to tempt any man to write one of that kind . the subject of it is this ; two old fishermen had but sparingly supp'd together in a wretched little thatcht-house , by the sea-side : one of them wakes his bedfellow to tell him , he had just dreamt that he was catching a golden fish ; and the other answers him , that he might starve though he had really caught such a one . was this worth writing an eclogue ! however , though none but shepherds were introduc'd in eclogues , 't is impossible but that the life of shepherds which after all is yet very clownish must sessen and debase their wit , and hinder their being as ingenious , nice , and full of gallantry as they are commonly represented in pastorals . the famous lord d'urfé's astraea seems a less fabulous romance than amadis de gaule ; yet i fansie that in the main it is as incredible , as to the politeness and graces of his shepherds , as amadis can be as to all its enchantments , all its fairies , and the extravagance of its adventures . how comes it then that pastorals please in spight of the falsity of the characters , which ought always to shock us ? could we be pleased with seeing some courtiers represented as having a clownishness which should resemble that of real shepherds as much as the gallantry which shepherds have in pastorals resembles that of courtiers ? no , doubtless ; but indeed that character of the shepherds is not false after all , if we look upon it one way : for we do not mind the meanness of the concerns that are their real employment , but the little trouble which those concerns bring . this meanness would wholly exclude ornaments and gallantry , but on the other hand the quiet state promotes them ; and 't is only on that tranquility that whatever pleases in a pastoral life is grounded . our imagination is not to be pleased without truth ; but it is not very hard to please it ; for , often 't is satisfied with a kind of half truth . let it see only the half of a thing , but let that half be shown in a lively manner , then it will hardly bethink it self that you hide from it the other half , and you may thus deceive it as long as you please , since all the while it imagines that this single moiety , with the thoughts of which it is taken up , is the whole thing . the illusion and at the same time the pleasingness of pastorals therefore consists in exposing to the eye only the tranquility of a shepherd's life , and in dissembling or concealing its meanness , as also in showing only its innocence and hiding its miseries ; so that i do not comprehend why theocritus dwelt so much upon its miseries and clownishness . if those who are resolved to find no faults in the ancients , tell us that theocritus had a mind to draw nature just such as it is , i hope that according to those principles , we shall have some idyllia of porters , or watermen discoursing together of their particular concerns : which will be every whit as good as some idyllia of shepherds speaking of nothing but their goats or their cows . the business is not purely to describe , we must describe such objects as are delightful : when the quiet that reigns in the country , and the simplicity and tenderness which are discover'd there in making love , are represented to me , my imagination , mov'd and affected with these pleasing ideas , is fond of a shepherd's life ; but tho' the vile and low employments of shepherds , were describ'd to me with all the exactness possible , i shou'd never be taken with 'em , and my imagination wou'd not in the least be touch'd . the chief advantage of poetry consists in representing to us in a lively manner the things that concern us , and in striking strongly a heart which is pleas'd with being mov'd . here 's enough , and perhaps too much against these shepherds of theocritus , and those who , like 'em , have too much of the shepherd in ' em . what we have left of moschus and bion in the pastoral kind , makes me extreamly lament what we have lost of theirs . they have no manner of rusticity , but rather a great deal of delicacy and grace , and some ideas wholly new and pleasing . they are accus'd of being too florid ; and i do not deny but that they may be said to be such in some few places ; yet i don't know why the criticks are more inclin'd to excuse theocritus's clownishness , than moschus and bion's elegancy ; methinks they should have done the contrary . is it not that virgil has prejudic'd every one for theocritus , having done to no other the honour of imitating and copying him ? or is it not rather that the learned have a taste that uses to nauseate what is delicate and genteel ? what ever it is , i find that all their favour is for theocritus , and that they have resolv'd to dubb him prince of the bucolick poets . the moderns have not often been guilty of making their shepherds thus clownish . the author of astraea , in that romance , which otherwise is full of admirable things , has rather run into the other extream . some of his shepherds are absolutely drawn such as they ought to have been , but some others , if i am not mistaken , might better have been plac'd in grand cyrus , or in cleopatra . these shepherds often seem to me courtiers disguis'd in a pastoral dress , and ill mimicks of what they would imitate ; sometimes they appear to me most cavilling sophisters ; for tho' none but sylvander has studied in the school of the massilians , there are some others who happen to be as full of subtility as himself ; though i don't comprehend how they cou'd even but understand him , not having like him took their degrees in the massilian schools . it does not belong to shepherds to speak of all sorts of matters , and when a poet has a mind to raise his style , he may make use of other persons . when virgil desir'd to give a pompous description of the imaginary return of the golden age , which he promises to the world at the birth of pollio's son , he should not have excited the pastoral muses to leave their natural strain , and raise their voices to a pitch which they can never reach ; his business was to have left them , and have address'd himself to some others . yet i do not know after all if it had not have been better to have kept to the pastoral muses ; for , he might have given a pleasing description of the good which the return of peace was ready to cause in the country ; and this , methinks , had been as acceptable at least as all those incomprehensible wonders which he borrows of the cumean sibyl , this new race of men which is to descend from heaven , these grapes which are to grow on bryars , and these lambs whose native fleece is to be of a scarlet , or crimson hue , to save mankind the trouble of dying the wool. he might have flatter'd pollis more agreeably with things that might have seem'd more consistent with probability , though , after all , even these perhaps did not wholly seem inconsistent with it , at least to the party concern'd ; for praise is seldom thought such by those on whom it is lavish'd . shall i dare to say that calpurnius , an author much inferiour to virgil seems to have handled a subject of the same nature much more to the purpose : take notice that i only speak of the design or fable , and not at all of the stile . he brings in two shepherds , who to be skreen'd from the sun 's sultry heat , shelter themselves in a cave where they find some verses written with the god faunus's own hand , which contain a prophecy about the happiness which the roman empire is to enjoy under the emperour carus . according to the duty of a pastoral poet , he dwells sufficiently on the prosperity and plenty that relates to the country , and then proceeds to higher matters ; because , as he makes a god speak , he has a right to do so ; but he brings in nothing like the sibyl's prophecies . 't is pity that virgil did not write the verses of this piece ; neither had there been need to have had them all written by him . virgil makes phoebus say to him at the beginning of his sixth eclogue , that a shepherd ought not to sing kings nor wars , but to stick to his flocks , and such subjects as only require a plain stile . without doubt phoebus's counsel was very good , but i cannot imagine how virgil could forget it so much as to fall a singing immediately after , the original of the world , and the framing of the universe , according to epicurus's system , which was a great deal worse than to sing kings and wars . i must needs own that i cannot in the least tell what to make of this piece ; i do not understand what is the design , nor what coherence there is between the several parts of it : for after these philosophical notions , we have the fables of hylas and pasiphae , and of phaeton's sisters which have no manner of relation to them , and in the middle of these fables , which are all borrow'd from very remote times , we have cornelius gallus , virgil 's contemporary , and the honours which he receives on paruassus ; after which , we presently come to the fables of scylla and philomela . 't is honest silenus that gives all this fine medly ; and , as virgil tells us , that according to his laudable custom , he had taken a hearty carouse the day before , i am afraid , the fumes were hardly yet got out of his head. here let me once more take the freedom to own that i like better the design of an eclogue of this kind , by nemesianus , an author who was calpurnius's contemporary , and who is not altogether to be despis'd . some shepherds , finding pan asleep , try to play on his pipe , but as a mortal can make a god's pipe yield only a very unpleasing sound , pan is awak'd by it ; and tells them , that if they are for songs , he 'll gratifie them presently . with this be sings to them something of the history of bacebus , and dwells on the first vintage that ever was made , of which he gives a description which seems to me very agreeable ; this design is more regular than that of virgil's silenus , and the verses also are pretty good . the moderns have been often guilty of handling high subjects in their eclogues . the french poet rensard has given us in his the praises of princes and of france , and almost all that looks like bucolick in them , is his calling henry ii. henriot , [ or harry . ] charles ix . carlin , and queen catherine de medicis , catin , [ or kate. ] 't is true , he owns that he did not follow the rules , but it had been better to have done it , and thus have avoided the ridicule which the disproportion that is between the subject and the form of the work produces . hence it happens that in his first eclogue it falls to the lot of the shepherdess margot [ or peg ] to sing the elogy of turnebus , budaeus , and vatable , the greatest men of their age for greek and hebrew , but with whom , certainly peg ought not to have been acquainted . because shepherds look well in some kinds of poetry , many writers prostitute them to every subject . they are often made to sing the praises of kings in the sublimest stile the poet can write ; and provided he has but talk'd of oaten pipes , meads and plains , fern or grass , streams or vallies , he thinks he has written an eclogue . when shepherds praise a hero , they shou'd praise him shepherd-like , and i do not doubt but that this wou'd be very ingenious and taking , but it wou'd require some art , and the shortest cut it seems is to make the shepherds speak the common dialect of praise , which is very big and softy indeed , but very common and consequently easie enough of conscience . allegorical eclogues also are not very easie . j. b. mantuanus , who was a carmelite fryar , has one in which two shepherds dispute , the one representing a carmelite fryar , who is of that party of the order which they call , the strict observance , and the other of that which they call the mitigated . the famous bembus is their judge ; and 't is worth observing , that he prudently makes them lay down their crooks , lest they fall together by the ears . now , though in the main our mantuan has pretty well kept the allegory , 't is too ridiculous to find the controversie between these two sorts of carmelitans handled ecloguewise . yet i had rather see a shepherd represent one of these , than have him act the epicuraean , and say impious things ; 't is what happens sometimes to some of mantuanus's shepherds , though they are very clownish , and he himself was of a religious order . amyntas , one of them , in an angry fit , which makes him rail against the laws and vertue , meerly because he is in love , says , that men are great fools to feed themselves up with a fancy of being taken up to heaven after their death ; and he adds , that the most that is like to happen then , is that they may chance to transmigrate into some birds , and so flutter up and down through the air. in vain to make this excusable , our fryar says , that amyntas had liv'd a long time in town ; and as much in vain badius his worthy commentator ; for as much a modern as mantuanus is , he has one , and as bigotted and hot for his author as those of the ancients ; in vain , i say , he takes from thence an opportunity to make this rare reflection , that love causes us to doubt of matters of faith : 't is certain that these errours , which ought to be detested by all those who have heard of them , ought not to be known , much less mention'd by shepherds . to make amends , sometimes our mantuan makes his shepherds mighty godly . in one of his eclogues you have a catalogue of all the virgin mary's holidays ; in another an apparition of the virgin , who promises a shepherd , that , when he shall have past his life on mount carmel , she 'll take him to a more pleasant place , and will make him dwell in heaven with the dryades , and hamadryades , a sort of new-fashion'd saints whom we did not yet know in heaven such gross and inexcusable indecencies may be easily avoided in the character of shepherds , but there are some that are not so observable , of which some writers cannot so easily be freed : 't is the making their shepherds speak too wittily . sometimes even those of the marquess de racan are guilty of this , though they generally use to be very reserv'd in that point . as for the italian authors , they are always so full of false and pointed thoughts , that we must resolve right or wrong to give them leave to indulge themselves in that darling stile of theirs , as natural to them as their mother tongue . they never take the pains to make their shepherds speak in a pastoral stile , but make use of as bold and exaggerated figures , and are as full of conceipts in that sort of poetry , as they are in others . father beuhours in his excellent treatise of the manner of thinking justly in ingenious composures , finds fault with tasso's sylvia , who seeing the reflection of her face in a fountain , and adorning her self with flowers , tells them she does not wear them to mend her beauty , but to lessen them , and disgrace them by being plac'd near her brighter charms . our judicious critick thinks this thought too full of affectation , and not natural enough for a shepherdess , and none can refuse their assent to this criticism which is the result of a very delicate taste : but when that is done , let none give themselves the trouble of reading guarini's , bouarelli's and marini's pastoral poetry with a design to find any thing in them truly pastoral , for sylvia's thought is one of the most unaffected and single things in the world , if compar'd to most of those of which these authors are full . and indeed tasso's amynta is the best thing that italy has produc'd in the pastoral kind ; and has certainly very great beauties ; even the passage of sylvia , except what we have observ'd in it , is one of the most ingenious and best describ'd things i ever read , and we ought to own our selves extremely oblig'd to an italian author , for not having been more prodigal of pointed thoughts . monsieur de segrais , whose works are the most excellent pattern we have of pastoral poetry , owns himself , that he did not always keep exactly to the stile which it requires . he says , that he has sometimes been obliged to humour the genius of this age , which delights in figures and glittering things : but this must be said on his behalf , that he only condescended to follow this method after he had sufficiently prov'd that he can when he pleases perfectly hit the true beauties of pastoral . after all , none can well tell which is the taste or genius of this age , 't is not determined either to what is good or bad , but seems wavering sometimes on this and sometimes on that side . so i believe , that , since there is still a hazard to be run what ever side we take , 't were better to follow the rules and true ideas of things . between the usual clownishness of theocritus's shepherds , and the too much wit of most of our modern shepherds , a certain medium shou'd be kept , but 't is so far from being easily follow'd in the performance , that 't is even difficult to denote it . the shepherds ought to have wit , and it ought to be fine and genteel too ; for they cou'd not please without it , but they ought to have that wit only in a certain degree , otherwise they are no more shepherds : i 'll endeavour to determine this degree , and adventure to give my notion of it . the men who have the most wit , and those who have but an indifferent share of it , do not differ so much in the sense which they have of things as they do in their manner of expressing it . the passions , amidst all the disturbance which they cause , are attended by a kind of light , which they impart almost equally to all those whom they possess . there is a certain penetration , certain ideas , which , without any regard to the difference of the minds , are always found in men in whatever concerns and affects them . but these passions , at the same time that they in a manner inform the mind of all men alike , do not enable them to speak equally well . those whose mind is more refin'd , more capacious and more improv'd by study or conversation do , while they express their sentiments , and something that hath the air of a reflection , and that is not inspir'd by the passion alone ; whereas the others speak their minds more simply , and add , in a manner , nothing that 's foreign : any ordinary man will easily say ; i so passionately desir'd that my mistress might be faithful , that i believ'd her such ; but it only belongs to a refin'd wit , as the duke de la rochefoucaut to say , my understanding was fool'd by my will , or , my reason was cully'd by my desire ; [ ● esprita eté en moy la dupe du coeur : ] the sence is the same , the penetration equal , but the expression is so different , that one would almost think 't is no more the same thing . we take no less pleasure in finding a sentiment exprest simply , than in a more thought-like and elaborate manner , provided it be always equally fine : nay the simple way of expressing it ought to please more , because it occasions a kind of a gentle surprise , and a small admiration . we are amaz'd to find something that is fine and delicate in common and unaffected terms ; and on that account the more the thing is fine , without ceasing to be natural ; and the expression common , without being low , the deeper we ought to be struck . admiration and surprise are so powerful that they can even raise the value of things beyond their intrinsick worth . all paris has lavish'd exclamations of admiration on the siamese embassadors for their ingenious sayings ; now had some spanish or english embassadors spoken the same things , no body would have minded it . this happen'd because we wrongfully suppos'd that some men who came from the remotest part of the world , of a tawny complexion , drest otherwise than we are , and till then esteem'd barbarians by those of europe , were not to be endow'd with common sense ; and we were very much surpris'd to find they had it ; so that the least thing they said fill'd us with admiration , an admiration which after all was injurious enough to those gentlemen . the same happens of our shepherds ; for , we are the more pleasingly struck with finding them thinking finely in their simple style , because we the least expected it . another thing that suits with the pastoral stile is to run only on actions , and never almost on reflections . those who have a middling share of wit , or a wit but little improv'd by a converse with polite books or persons , use to discourse only of those particular things of which they have had a sense ; while others raising themselves higher , reduce all things into general ideas : the minds of the latter have work'd and reflected upon their sentiments and experiments , it happens that what they have seen hath led them to what they have not seen ; whereas those of an inferior order , not pursuing their ideas beyond what they have a sense of , it may happen that what resembles it most may still be new to them . hence proceeds the insatiable desire of the multitude to see the same objects , and their admiring always almost the same things . a consequence of this disposition of mind is the adding to the things that are related any circumstances whether useful or not . this happens because the mind has been extreamly struck with the particular action , and with all that attended it . contrary to this a great genius , despising all these petty circumstances , fixes on what is most essential in things , which commonly may be related without the circumstances . 't is truer than it seems , that in such composures wher in passion is to be describ'd , 't is better to imitate the way of speaking used by men of indifferent capacity , than the stile of more refined wits . i must own that thus there is little related besides actions and we do not rise to reflections ; but nothing is more graceful than actions , so display'd as to bring their reflection along with them . such is this admirable touch in virgil ; galataea throws an apple at me , then runs to hide her self behind the willows , and first would be perceiv'd . the shepherd does not tell you what is galataea's design , though he is fully sensible of it ; but the action has made a deep pleasing impression on his mind , and , according as he represents it , 't is impossible but you must guess its meaning . now the mind is delighted with sensible ideas , because it easily admits of them , and it loves to penetrate , provided it be without effort ; whether it be that it loves to act but to a certain degree , or that a little penetration indulges its vanity . so the mind hath the double pleasure , first of getting an easie idea , then of penetrating , whenever such cases as that of galataea are laid before it . the action , and , in a manner , the soul of the action all at once strike the eyes of the mind ; it can see nothing more in the matter , nor more quickly , neither can it ever be put to less expence . in virgil's second eclogue , corydon , to commend his pipe , tells us that damaetas gave it him when he died , and said to him , thou art the second master it hath had , and amyntas was jealous , because it was not bequeath'd him : all these circumstances are altogether pastoral : it might not perhaps be disagreable to bring in a shepherd who is puzzled in the midst of his story , and who finds some difficulty in recovering himself ; but this wou'd require some art in the management . there are no persons whom it becomes better to lengthen a little their narrations with circumstances than lovers . they ought not indeed to be absolutely needless or too far-fetch'd ; for , this would be tedious , though it may be natural enough ; but those that have but a half relation to the action which is talk'd of , and that show more passion than they , are considerable , can never fail to please . so when , in one of monsieur de segrais's eclogues , a shepherdess says , the songs which lysis and menalcas sing please ev'ry swain , and make the vallies ring ; but i like better those which near this tree , mr jealous shepherd lately made for me . the circumstance of the tree is pretty , only as it had been needless for any other but a lover . according to our idea of shepherds , tales and narrations become them very well ; but for them to make speeches , such as those in astraea , full of general reflections , and chains of arguments , is a thing which i do not think their character allows . it is not amiss to make them give descriptions , provided they be not very long . that of the cup which the goat-herd promises to thyrsis , in theocritus's first idyllium somewhat exceeds the bounds : yet , according to that example , ronsard , and belleau his contemporary , have made some that are yet longer . when their shepherds are about describing a basket , a goat or a black-bird , which they make the prize of a pastoral combate , they never have done : not that their descriptions are sometimes without great beauties , and are writ without admirable art ; far from this , they have too much of it for shepherds . vida a latin poet of the last age , and of great reputation , in his eclogue of nice , whom i take to be victoria colonna , the marquess of pescario's widow , brings in the shepherd damon giving a description of a rush basket which he is to make for her . he says , that he will represent in it davalos , that is the marquess , dying , and grieved that he does not die in battle ; some kings , captains , and nymphs in tears about him , nice praying the gods in vain , nice fainting away at the news of davalos's death , and with difficulty recovering her senses by the means of the water which her women throw on her face ; and he adds that he would have expressed many complaints and moans , if they could be exprest on rush . here are a great many things to be show'd on a basket ! neither do i relate them all ; but i cannot tell how all this can be exprest on rush , nor how damon , who owns he cannot express on it the complaints of nice , is not at a loss to display on it the marquess's grief for dying in his bed. i shrewdly suspect that achilles's shield is the original from which this basket has been imitated . i find that virgil has us'd similitudes very often in his pastoral discourses : these similitudes are very properly brought in , to supply the place of those trivial comparisons , and principally of those clownish proverbial sayings , which real shepherds use almost continually : but as there is nothing more easily to be imitated than this way of using similitudes , 't is what virgil hath been most copied in . we find in all your writers of eclogues , nothing more common than shepherdesses who exceed all others as much as lofty pines e'er top the lowly reed , or highest oaks the humblest shrubs exceed ; we see nothing but the cruelty of ungrateful shepherdesses who are to a shepherd , what frosts or storms are to the tenderest flowers , like hale to rip'ning corn , &c. i think all this old and worn thread-bare at this time of day , and to say the truth on 't , 't is no great pity . similitudes naturally are not very proper for passion , and shepherds shou'd only use them when they find it difficult to express themselves otherwise ; then they wou'd have a very great beauty , but i know but very few of that kind . thus we have pretty near discover'd the pitch of wit which shepherds ought to have , and the style they should use . 't is methinks with eclogues , as with those dresses which are worn at masques or balls ; they are of much finer stuff than those which real shepherds usually wear ; nay they are even adorn'd with ribbands and points , and are only made after the country cut . in the same manner the thoughts which are the subject matter of eclogues , ought to be finer and more delicate than those of real shepherds ; but they must have the most simple and most rural dress possible . not but that we ought to use both simplicity and a country-like plainness ev'n in the thoughts , but we ought to take notice that this simplicity and country-like plainness only exclude your excessive delicacy in the thoughts , like that of the refin'd wits in courts and cities , and not the light which nature and the passions bestow of themselves ; otherwise the poet wou'd degenerate and run into childish talk that wou'd beget laughter rather than admiration . something of this kind is pleasant enough in one of remi belleau's eclogues ; where a young shepherd , having stoln a kiss from a pretty shepherdess , says to her , i 've kist some new fawn'd kids , like other swains , i 've kist the sucking calf , which in our plains young colin gave me ; but this liss i swear , is sweeter much than all those kisses were . yet such a childishness seems more pardonable in this young shepherd than in the cyclops polyphemus . in theocritus's idyllium that bears his name and which is fine , he is thinking how to be reveng'd on his mother , a sea nymph , because she never took care to make galataea , another sea nymph , have a kindness for his giantship ; so he says to his mistress , that he 'll tell his mother , to make her mad , that he has à pain in his head and in his thighs . 't is hard to imagine that , ugly as he was , his mother cou'd doat on him so much as to be very much concern'd to hear the poor little urchin had those petty ills , or that the clownish giant cou'd invent so gentle a revenge , his character is better kept when he promises his mistress to make her a present of a litter of cubs , or young bears , which he breeds for her in his cave . and now that i speak of bears , i wou'd gladly know why daphnis when he is going to die bids adieu to the bears , the lyons and the wolves , as well as to the fair fountain arethuse , and to the silver streams of sicily : methinks a man does not often use to regret the loss of such company . i have but one remark more to make which hath no manner of connection with those that go before : 't is concerning those eclogues which have a burthen much like those in ballads , that is , a verse or two repeated several times . i need not say that we ought to place those repeated . verses in such parts of the eclogue as may require , or at least bear such a verse to interlard them ; but it may not be amiss to observe that all the art that theocritus hath us'd in an idyllium of this kind , was only to take this burthen and scatter it up and down through his idyllium right or wrong , without the least regard to the sence of the places where he inserted it , nay without even so much as respecting some of the phrases which he made no difficulty to split in two . i have here spoken with a great deal of freedom of theocritus and virgil , notwithstanding they are ancients ; and i do not doubt but that i shall be esteem'd one of the profane , by those pedants who profess a kind of religion which consists in worshipping the ancients . 't is true , however , that i have often commended virgil and theocritus ; but yet i have not always prais'd them ; much less have i said , like the superstitious , that even their faults ( if they had any ) were beautiful ; neither have i strain'd all the natural light of reason to justifie them ; i have partly approved , and partly consur'd them , as if they had been some living authors , whom i saw every day ; and there lies the sacrilege ! finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e * the generous briton . * which may be one great argument to prove that the writing according to the rules of aristotle and horace is no such clog to a poet's fancy as some pretend . * fracti bello , satisque repulsi ductores danaum , tot jam labentibus annis , instarmontis equum , &c. aen. . * plenius ac melius chrysippo aut crantore dicit . ep. ad loll. * dryd . dedic . to the e. of orrery before the rival ladies . notes for div a -e 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid . * quicquid sit pulchrum , quid turpe , quid utile , quid non , plenius & melius chrysippo & crantore dicit . epist . lib. . ep. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . † respicere exemplar vitae morumque jubebo doctum imitatorem , & veras hinc ducere voces . hor. art. poet. * res gestae regumque ducumque . hor. art. poet. † cui mens divinior atque os magna sonaturum des nominis hujus honorem . horat. * quicquid praecipies esto brevis , ut citò dicta percipiant animi dociles , teneantque fideles . hor. poet. † denique sit quodvis simplex duntaxat , & unum . ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . ‖ versus . * ramoque sedens miserabile carmen integrat . virg. geor. . † ducite ab urbe domum , mea carmina , ducite daphnim . carmina vel coelo possunt deducere lunam . carminibus circe socios mutavit ulyssis . ecl. . ‡ lex horrendi carminis erat : duûmviri perduellionem judicent , si à duûmviris provocatione certârit , provocatione certato , &c. tit. liv. hist . l. . ‖ rem carmine signo : aeneas haec de danais victoribus armis . virg. aeneid . l. . ** tumulo superaddite carmen ; daplinis ego in sylvis hinc usque ad sidera notus , formosi pecoris custos , formosior ipse . virg. ecl. . * ego nec studium sine divite venâ , nec rude quid prosit video ingenium . hor. poet. † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. cap. . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . † idicirco quidam comoedia necne poema esset quaesivere : quod acer spiritus ac vis nec verbis nec rebus inest ; nisi quod pede certo differt sermoni sermo merus . hor. lib. . sat. . ‡ primum ego meillorum dederim quibus esse poëtas , excerpam numero ; neque enim concludere versum dixeris esse satis ; neque si quis scribat uti nos sermoni propiora , putes hunc esse poëtam . ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † vel qui praetextas , vel qui docuere togatas . hor. poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * delirant reges plectuntur achivi . hor. ep. . ad loll. † fabula quae paridis narratur propter amorem graecia barbariae lento collisa ducllo . ibid. * edita ne brevibus pereat mihi charta libellis , dicatur potius , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . martial . l. . * dic mihi musa virum captae post tempora trojae , qui mores hominum multorum vidit & urbes . hor. poet. † ira quidem communiter urit utrumque . hor. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . calyss . . * improba siren desidia . hor. ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . . * eventus bellorum erant aut mites , aut necessarii , &c. cic. . de offic . * apud prudentes vita ejus variè extollebatur , arguebatúrve . hi pietate erga parentem & necessitudine reip. in qua nullus tunc legibus locus , ad bella civilia actum : pauca admodum vitractata , quo caeteris quies esset . dicebatur contra : pietatem erga parentem , & tempora reipub. obtentui sumpta . hist . lib. . * testaturque deos iterum se ad praelia cogi . aeneid . lib. . † iliaci cineres & flamma extrema meorum , testor in occasu vestro , nec tela , nec ullas vitavisse vices danaum , & sifata , suissent , ut caderem , meruisse manu . virg. . aeneid . * rectius iliaci carmen deducis in actus , quam si praeferres ignota indictaque primus . poet. † sermonem ausonii patrium moresque tenebunt . aeneid . . † segesta est oppidum pervetus in siciliâ , quod ab aeneâ fugiente à trojâ , atque in haec loca veniente , conditum esse demonstrant . cicer. in verrem , iv . * neve minor quinto , neu fit productior actu fabula . hor. poet. † fabula quae paridis nartatur propter amorem graecia barbariae lento collisa ducllo . epist . ad loll. * qui quid sit pulchrum quid turpe , quid utile , quid non : plenius ac melius chrysippo , & cantore dicit . ibid. † seditione , dolis , scelere , atque libidine & irà , iliacos intra muros peccatur & extra . ibid. * quandoque bonus dormitat homerus . verum opere in longo fas est obrepere somnum . hor. poet. † vos exemplaria graeca nocturna versate manu versate diurna . ibid ‡ scriptor honoratum si fortè reponis achillem ; impiger , iracundus , iners , inexorabilis , acer , &c. ibid . † rursus quid virtus & quid sapientia possit , utile proposuit nobis exemplar ulysses . ep. ad loll. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . i. iratus graiis quantum nocuisset achilles ! horat. † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , &c. poet. c . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . c. . ‡ secuit lucilius urbem , te lupe , te muti. † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 po. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . p. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . p. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 poet. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet c. . ‡ omnia in figura contingebant iis . paul. epist . ad corinth . * ut pictura poesis erit . hor. poet. * magnanimum aeacidem , formidatamque tonanti progeniem , & patrio vetitam succedere coelo , diva refer . quanquam acta viri multum inclyta centu maeonio , sed plura vacant . nos ire per omnem , sic amor est , heroa vetis . * ex ungue leonem . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . &c. poet. . . † denique sit quodvis simplex duntaxat , & unum . hor. poet. * concordia res parvae crescunt : discordiâ magnae dilabuntur . salust . de bell. jug . † ut speciosa dehine miracula promat , antiphaten , scyllamque , & cum cyclope charybdim . hor. poet. * vobis datum est nosse mysteria , caeteris in parabolis tantum . qui potest capere capiat . sapientiam omnium antiquorum exquiret sapiens , & in versutias parabolarum simul introibit , occulta proverbiorum exquiret , & in absconditis parabolarum conversabitur . eccl. c. . * poetae officium in eo positum ut quae vera sunt in alias species obliquis figurationibus cum decore aliquo conversa traducat . lactant. instit . l. n. * familiare est syris & maxime palaestinis ad omnem sermonem suum parabolas jungere . hieron . in matth. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . and elsewhere . † res gestae regumque ducumque , & tristia bella . quo scribi possent numero monstravit homerus . hor. poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ar. poet. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , &c. odyss . . a arma virumque cano , trojae qui primus ab oris italiam fato profugus lavinaque venit littora . aeneid . . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * purpureus larè qui splendeat unus & alter assuitur pannus . hor. poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . lib. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . a. poet. c. . * reges & exactos tyrannos densum humeris bibit sure vulgus . hor. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 poet. cap. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 : poet. cap. . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid. ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . cap. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . cap. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid. ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . cap. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . . * sacra suosque tibi commendat troja penates : hos cape fatorum comites , his moenia quaere , &c. aeneid . . † hac casti maneant in relligione nepotes . aeneid . . ‡ hinc maxima porro accepit roma , & patrium servavit honorem . aeneid . . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 poet. cap. . * foelix , heu ! nimium foelix , si littora tantum , nunquam dardaniae tetigissent nostra carinae . aeneid . . † sensit enim simulatâ mente locutam , quo regnum italiae libycas averteret oras . * fraternas acies alternaque regna prophanis decertata odiis , sontesque evolvere thebas , picrius menti calor incidit . theb. . * humano capiticervicem pictor equinam jungere si velit , & varias inducere plumas , undique collatis membris , &c. hor. poet. * moriens vagitus in auras excidit , & ruptis immutuit ore querelis , qualia non totas peragunt insomnia voces . audiit hypsipyle . — ‡ limen mihi carminis esto oedipodae confusa domus . theb. . † nec gemino bellum trojanum orditur ab ovo . hor. poet. ‡ gentisque canam primordia dirae , sidonios raptus , & inexorabile pactum legis agenoreae , scrutantemque aequora cadmum . stat. theb. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poetc . . † forte per augustam tenuis vulpecula rimam repserat in cumeram frumenti : pastaque , rursus ire foras pleno tendebat corpore frustra : cui mustela procul : si vis ait effugere isthinc , macra cavum repetes arctum , quem macra subisti . hor. lib. . ep. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , &c. iliad . . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 iliad . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . lin. ult . poemat . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * fracti bello , fatisque repulsi ductores danaum tot jam labentibus annis . aeneid . l. . † super & garamantas & indos proferet imperium ; jacet ex via sydera tellus , &c. aen. . * qui nescit dissimulare nescit regnare . † musa , mihi causas memora . aeneid . . * multum ille & terris jactatus & alto : multa quoque & bello passus . aeneid . . † major return mihi nascitur ordo , majus opus moveo . aeneid . . * liceat phrygio servire marito , dotalisque tuae tyrios permittere dextrae . aen. . * nec teneris addita juno unquam aberit . aeneid . . † annuit his juno & mentem laetata retorsit . aeneid . . ‡ vaginaque eripit ensem fulmineum , strictoque ferit retinacula ferro . aen. . * causa mali tanti conjux iterum hospita teucris , externique iterum thalami . aeneid . . † infelix dido , verus mihi nuncius ergo venerat extinctam ferroque extrema sequutam . aeneid . . * tantum in medio crescéntem noctem sibi ac posteris suis metuebant . liv. lib. . * nullus amor populis nec foedera sunto . exoriare aliquis nostris ex ossibus ultor , qui face dardanios ferroque sequare colonos . aeneid . . † extincti te meque , soror , populumque patresque sidonios , urbemque tuam . aeneid . . ‡ vultis & his mecum pariter considere regnis ? urbem quam statuo , vestra est . aeneid . . * fugae nec conjugis unquam praetendi taedas , aut haec in foedera veni . aeneid . . * multaque se incusat , qui non acceperit ultro dardanium aeneam , generumque asciverit turbem . aen. lib. . † quin & fatales murorum attollere moles ; saxaque sibvectare humeris trojana juvabit . aen. . * at trahere , & tantis moras licet addere rebus , sanguine trojano & rutulo dotabere , virgo . aeneid . . * aequius huic turno fuerat se opponere morti . aen. . † turnus ut infractos adverso marte latinos defecisse videt , sua nunc promissa reposci , se signari oculis . aen. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. c. . * urbem praeclaram statui , mea maenia vidi . ulta rirum poenas inimico à flatre recepi . foelix , heu nimium foelix si littora tantum nunquam dardaniae tetigissent nostra catinae ! aen. . * ea vox audits laborum prima tulit finem . aen. . † o tandem magnis pelagi defuncte periclis , sed terra graviora manent . aen. . † ne expectetis , spectatores , dum illi hue ad vos excunt . nemo exibit , omnes intus conficiunt negotium . ubi id erit factum , ornamenta ponent . postidea loci , qui deliquit vapulabit , qui non deliquit biber . plaut . cistell . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . c. . * stultorum regum & populorum continet aestus . hor. ep. ad lollium . * sum pius aeneas , aen. . † jam prima incooperat aestas , et pater anchises dare fatis vela jubebat . aen. . * septima post trojae excidium jam vertitur aestas . aen. . † segnius irritant animos dimissa per aurem , quàm quae sunt oculis subjecta sidelibus , & quae ipse sibi tradit spectator . hor. poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . . † hic genus antiquum , teucri pulcherrima proles , magnanimi heroes nati melioribus annis , itusque assaracusque , &c. aen. . † bellum est de paupere regno . thebaid . l. . * tantae molis erat romanam condere gentem . aen. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , to act. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , action . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , to speak . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . * quid faciat laetas segetes , quo fidere terram vertere , maecenas , &c. † vos ô clarissima mundi lumina labentem coelo quae ducitis annum , &c. ‡ tuque adeo , quem mox quae sint habitura deorum incertum est , &c. * vere novo gelidus canis cum montibus humor liquitur , &c. † haec super arvorum cultu , pecorumque canebam , &c. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . . * hercules furens . † hercules oetus . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . &c. † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arma virumque cano . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . . ‖ trojae qui primus ab oris italiam , &c. aev. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . † multum ille & terris jactatus & alto . ‡ multa quoque & bello passus . aen. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . . † dum conderet urbem inferretque deos latio , genus unde latinum , albanique patres , atque alta moenia romae . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † trojae qui primus ab oris .... profugus . ‖ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † fato profugus , vi superum , & saevae memorem junonis ob iram . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ‡ insignem pietate virum . * nec sic incipies ut scriptor cyclicus olim . fortunam priami cantabo , & nobile bellum . quid feret hic tanto dignum promissor hiatu ? parturiunt montes nascetur ridiculus mus . quanto rectius hic qui nil molitur inepté . dic mihi , musa , virum capta post tempora troja , qui mcres hominum multorum vidit & urbes . non fumum ex fulgore sed ex sumo dare lucem cogitat , ut speciosa dehinc miracula promat . antiphaten , scyllamque , & cum cyclope charybdim . hor. poet. * audaci promere cantu mens congesta jubet . gressus removere profani . jam furor humanos nostro de pectore sensus expulit , & totum spirant praecordia phoebum , &c. * odi profanum vulgus & arces . favete linguis , carmina non prius audita musarum sacerdos virginibus puerisque canto . hor. l. . od. . * magnānimum aeacidem formidatumque tonanti , progeniem , & patrio vetitam succedere coelo , diva refer . * tu modo si veteres digno deplevimus haustu , da fontes mihi , phoebe , novos ... meque inter priscu parentum nomina , cumque suo memorant amphione thebae . * scriptor , honoratum si forte reponis achillem , impiger , iracundus , iners , inexorabilis , acer , &c. hor. poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . † arma virumque cano . ‡ musa , mihi causas memora . * infignem pietate virum . * nune agé qui reges erato , quae tempora , rerum , quis latio antiquo fuerit status , &c. † quis deus , ô musae , tam saeva incendia teucris avertit ; tantos ratibus quis depulit ignes , dicite prisca fides facti , sed fama perennis . aen. . ‡ die , quibus imperium est animarum umbraeque filentes , et chaos & phlegeton , loca nocte silentia latè : sit mihi fas audita loqui , fit numine vestro pandere res altâ terrâ & caligine mersas . aen. . * haec damon : vos , quae responderit alphesiboeus , dicite pierides : non omnia possumus omnes . * in nova fert anīmus mutatas dicere formas corpora . di coeptis ( nam vos mutastis & illas ) aspirate meis . † quae quoniam rerum naturam sola gubernas , te sociam studeo scribundis versibus esse , quos ego de rerum naturà pandere conor . * diique , deaeque omnes studium quibus arva tueri . * sicelides musae , paulo majora canamus . vir. ecl. . extremum hunc , arethusie , mihi concede laborem . ecl. . † avia pieridum peragro loca , nullius ante trita solo : juvat integros accedere fontes , atque haurire ; juvatque novos decepere flores ; insignemque meo capiti petere inde coronam . unde prius nulli velarint tempora musae . lucr. l. . * omnis enim per se divûm natura necesse est . immortali aevosumma cum pace fruatur . semota ab nostris rebus sejunctaque longè , &c. ‡ tantum religio potuit suadere malorum . * parcus deorum cultor & infrequens , insanientis dum sapientiae consultus erro , nunc retrorsum vela dare , atque iterare cursus cogor relictos . hor. lib. . od. . * aus prodesse volunt , aut delectare poetae , aut simul & jucunda , & idonea dicere vitae ... omne tulit punctum qui miscuit utile dulci lectorem delectando pariterque monendo . hor. poet. * aeneid . l. . * sed fugite , & miseri , fugite atquo ab littors funem rumpite . † supplice sic merito . * ut pictura poesis erit . * sumite materiam vestris , qui scribitis , aequam viribus , & versate diu , quid ferre recusent , quid valeant humeri . cui lecta potenter erit res ; nec facundia deseret hunc nec lucidus ordo . et quae desperet tractata nite scere posse relinquet . hor. poet. * o pater , anne aliquos ad coelum hinc ire putandum est sublimes animas , iterumque ad tardá reverti corpora ? † dicam equidem , r●●c tu suspensum , nate , tunebo . aen. . * et dum vitat humum , nubes & ioania captat . hor. poet. * forte & nudassent enses , sic ira ferebat . theb. l , . † haud humiles tanta ira decet . * etiam decimo iliados jovem fulgurare facit , ubi ningit . nunquam hoc vidimus . scaliger . poet. book . * rectius iliacum carmen deducis in actus . aut famam sequere , aut sibi convenientia finge . hor. post. ille dies primus lethi . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. ibid. * multaque tolles ex oculis , quae mox narret facundia praesens . aut in avem progne , cadmus mutetur in anguem . quodcunque ostendis mihi sic incredulus odi . poet. * non satis est pulchra esse poemata , dulcia sunto . et quocumque volent animum auditoris agunto . hor. poet. † ille per extensum funem mihi posse videtur ire poeta , meum qui pectus inaniter angit , irritat , mulcet , falsis terroribus implet ut magus . l. . ep. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . il. . * consedêre duces , & vulgi stante coronâ , surgit ad hos clypei dominus septemplicis ajax . utque erat impatiens irae , sigeia torvo littora prospexit , classemque in littore vullu . protendensque manus , agimus , pro juppiter , inquit , ante rates causam , & mecum confert ur ulysses ? &c. metam . lib. . * quousque tandem abutêre , catilins , patientiâ nostrâ , &c. * illa dolos dirumque ne●as in pectore versat , cetta mori , &c. aen. . * regina è speculis ut primum albescere lucem , vidit , & acquatis classem procedere velis , littoraque , & vacuos sensit sine remice portus : terque quaterque manu pectus percussa decorum . flaventesque abscisss comas : proh jup●… hic , ait , & nostris illuserit advena regnis ! &c. ibid. * alta rupes cujus è cacumine erecta summos turba libravit pedes , &c. * non ut placidia cocant immitia . * aut spoliis ego jam raptis laudabor opimis , aut letho insigni . aen. . * multae illam frustra tyrthena per oppida matres optavere nurum . aen. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ib. † quisque suos patimur manes . exinde per amplum mittimur elysium , & pauci laeta arva tenemus . aen. . * iliacosque iterum demens áudire labores exposcit , pendetque iterum narrantis ab ore . aen. . † aut agitur res in scenis aut acta refertur . hor. poet. * segnius irritant animos demissa per aurem , quam quae sunt oculis subjecta fidellibus . ibid. † non tamen intus digna geri promes in scenam , multaque tolles ex oculis , quae mox narret facundia praesens . nec pueros coram populo medea trucidet , &c. ibid. * et quae desperet tractatu nitescere posse , relinquit : poet. † vehemens & liquidus puroque simillimus amni . hor. poet. * semper ad eventum festinat , & in medias res , non secus ac notus auditorem rapit . hor. art. poet. † annus exactis completur mensibus orbis , ex quo relliquias divinique ossa parentis condidimus terrâ , moestasque sacravimus aras . jamque dies , ni fallor , adest , &c. aen. . * dum pelago desaevit hyems , & aquosus orion . quin etiam hyberno moliris sidere classem . † nam te jam septima porsat omnibus orrantem terris & fluctibus ●●stas . aen. . * septima post trojae excidium jam vertitur aestas . aen. . † est in anfructu vallis accommods fraudi , armorumque dolis ; quam densis frondibus atrum urgez utrinque latus . aen. . * cum subito assurgens fluctu nimbosus orion . in vada caeca tulit . aen. . † autumni frigore primo lapsa cadunt folia . aen. . * non obtusa adeo gestam is pectora teucri : nec tam aversus equos tyria sol jungit ab urbe . aen. . * fracti bello fatisque repulsi ductores danaum : aen. . * postquam res asiae , priamique evertere gentem , immeritam visum superis , &c. polydorum obtruncat . aen. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . iliad . * ipse suas artes , sua munera laetus apollo augurium citharamque dabat celeresque sagittas . ille ut depositi proferret fata parentis , scire potestatem herbarum usumque medendi maluit , & mutas agitare inglorius artes . aen. . * os humerosque deo similis , aen. . gratior & pulchro veniens in corpore virtus . aen. . * trojae & patriae communis erynnis . aen. . † sylvia prima soror , &c. aen. . ‡ quid in eversa vidi crudelius urbe ? &c. causa mali tanti conjux iterum . aen. . * credo equidem , nec vana fides , genus esse deorum . aen. . † nec tibi diva parens , generis nec dardanus autor , perfide ! sed ditis genuit te cautibus horrens caucasus , hyrcanaeque admôrunt ubera tygres . ibid. * quae vobis , quae digna , viri , pro talibus ausis praemia posse rear solvi ? pulcherrima primum dii moresque dabunt vestri . * accipe nunc danaum insidias ; & crimine ab uno disce omnes . aen. . † servius oppidius canusi duo praedia dives antiquo censu gnatis divisse duobus fertur . et haeo moriens pueris dixisse vocatis ad lectum : postquam te talos , aule , nucesque ferre sinu laxo , donare & ludere vidi : te , tiberi , numerare , cavis abscondere tristem . extimui ne vos ageret vesania discors . tu numentanum , tu ne sequerere cicutam . quare per divos oratus uterque penates , tu cave ne minuas , tu , ne majus facias id quod satis esse putat pater , & natura coercet . lib. . sat. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 * deum esse amorem rurpiter vitio favens finxit libido ; quoque libe●ior foret , titulum furori numinis falsi dedit . † si tam protervus incubat menti furor , contemne famam ; fama vix vero favet , pejus merenti metior , & pejor bono . tentemus animum tristem & intractabilem . meus iste labor est , aggredi juvenem ferum . mentemque saevam flectere immitis viri . ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . aristot . poet. c. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ibid. † notandi sunt tibi mores . poet. ‡ convenientia singe . hor. poet. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. famam sequere . hor. poet. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . poet. † servetur ad imum qualis ab incepto processerit & sibi constet . hor. poet. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . ar. poet. ‡ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . * monstrum horrendum . visceribus miserorum & sanguine vescitur a●● . aen. . † at furiis caci mens offera , nequid inausum aut intentatum scelerisve dolive fuisset . aen. ● . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . arist . de moribus ad nicomachum lib. . c. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 ar. poet. c. . * sit medea ferox invictaque : perfidus ixion . hor. poet. * non ego paucis offendar maculis , quas aut incuria fudit , aut humana parum cavit natura . poet. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , &c. * tu , quid ego & populus mecum desiderat , a●di . si plausoris eges aeola m●mentis , & usque sessûri , donec cantor , vos plaudite , dicat ; aetatis cujusque netandi sunt tibi mores . poet. † reddere qui roces jam scit paer , & pede certo signat humam , gestit paribus colludere , &c. ibid. * quid non mortalia pectora cogis auri sacra fames ? aen. . † portantur avari pygmalionis opes pelago . aen. . * stultus ut luna mutatur . † puer mutatur in horas . juvenis amata relinquere pernix . * nil aequale homini fuit illi , &c. hor. lib. . sat. . † juvenis utilium tardus provisor : prodigus aeris . ‡ aetas virilis quaerit opes , inservit honori . * sonex , quaerit & inventis miser abstinet ac timet uti . hor. poet. * omnibus nobis ut res dant sese , ita magni atque humiles sumus . terent. hecyr. act. . scen. . * non ea vis animo , nec tanta superbia victis . aen. . * nec veni nisi fata locum sedemque dedissent ; nec bellum cum gente gero , &c. aen. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . poet. c. . † hoc amet , hoc spernat promissi carminis autor . hor. poet. * ille vero dissimulabat se audire . reg. lib. , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . lib. . † 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 od. l. . * aspera multa pertulit adversis rerum immersabilis undis . hor , ad litt. † quin morere ut merita cs . aen. . * sunt hic sua praemia laudi . aen. . † alius latio jam partus achilles . aen. . * arma amens fremit , arma thoro tectisque requirit ; saevit amor ferri , & scelerata insania belli . aeneid . . † et si continuo victorem ea cura subisser , rumpere claustra manu , sociosque immittere portis : ultimus ille dies bello gentique fuisset . sed furor ardentem caedisque insana cupido egit in adversos . aen. . * hic etiam inventum priamo narrabis achillem . aeneid . . * nec tecum meus haec pepigit mihi foedera lausus . unum hoc per , siqua est victis venia hostibus , oro ; corpus humo patiare regi . scio acerba meorum circunstare odia : hunc ( oro ) defende furorem . et me consortem nati comede sepulcro . aen. . * non potui abreptum divellere corpus & undis spargere ? non socios , non ipsum absumere ferro ascanium ? patriisque epulandum apponere mensis . aen. . * improbe amor , quid non mortalia pectora cogis ? ire iterum in lacrymas , iterum tentare precando cogitur , & supplex animos submittere amori . ibid. * scribendi rectè sapere est principium & fons . rem tibi socraticae poterunt ostendere chartae . poet. * q. curtius . * qui didicit patriae quid debeat & quid amicis . * at pius aeneas audito nomine turni deserit & muros , & summas desetis arcos . aen. . * solus ego in pallanta feror , soli mihi pallas debetur ; cuperem ipse parens spectator adesset . aeneid . . † quo moriture tuis majoraque viribus audes ? fallit te incautum pietas tua . nec minus ille exultat demens . saevae jamque altius irae dardanio surgunt ductori . aen. . * qualem meruit pallanta remitto . * ingemuit miserans dextramque tetendit , & mentem patriae subiit pietatis imago . quid tibi nunc , miserande puer , &c. * atque illum effracti perfusum tabe cerebri aspicit & vivo scelerantem sanguine fauces . nec comites auferre valent . stat. * eminuit , trepidamque assurgens desuper urbem vidit , & ingenti thebas exterruit umbra . stat. † increpat attonitos : humilesne amphionis arces . proh pudor ! hi faciles carmenque imbelle secuti , et mentita diu thebarum fabula muri . et quidnam egregium prosternere moenia molli structa lyra ? simul insultans gressuque manuque diruit obstantes cuneas tabulataque saevus destruit , absiliunt pontes tectique frementis saxea fraena labant , disseptoque aggere rursus utitur , & truncas rupes in tecta domosque praecipitat , frangitque suis jam moenibus urbem . stat. * nullane pro trepidis , clamabat , numina thebis ? statis ? ubi infandae telluris alumni bacchus & alcides ? piget instigare minores . tu potius venias , ( quis enim concurrere nobis dignior ) en cineres semeleaque busta tenentur . nunc age nunc totis in me connitere telis , jupiter . † fulguraque attritis quotics mic●ere procellis : his , ait , in thebas , his jam decet ignibus uti . hinc renovare facem , lassamque accendere quercum . * ingemuit dictis superûm dolor , &c. * scribendi recte sapere est & principium & foris . est modus in rebus , sunt certi denique fines , quos ultra citraque nequit consistere rectum . * chap. . * hominum divûmque aeterna potestas . † fata viam invenient , rex jupiter omnibus idem . * indigetem aeneam scis ipsa , & scire fateris deleri coelo . * nulla est regio teucris quam det tua conjux dura . * nolite putare ut in scena videtis , homines consceleratos impulsu deorum terreri , furiarum taedis ardentibus sua quemque fraus , suum scelus , sua audacia de sanitate & mente deturbat . hae sunt impiorum furiae , hae flammae , hae faces . † dii me terrent , & jupiter hostis . nec se cognovit euntem : scelerumque in pectore dirae . statius . * domine , ne in furore tuo arguas me ; neque in ira tua corripias me . psal . . * id cinerem , aut manes credis curare sepultos ? scilicet is superis labor est , ea cura quietos sollicitat . aen. . * juno virés animumque ministrat . aen. . † hic mentem aeneae genitrix pulcherrima misit , iret ut ad muros . aen. . * at jovis interea monitis mezentius ardens succedit pugnae . aen. . † tibi magne trophaeum bellipotens . aen. . * ipse deum manifesto in lumine vidi intrantera muros , vocemque his auribus haufi . † inscia dido , infideat quantus miserae deus . aen. . * neque te aenea , mea dextera servat : major agit deus . aen. . * nec deus intersit , niss dignus vindice nodus inciderit . hor. poet. † aut in avem progne vertatur , cadmus in anguem . ‡ non tamen intus digna geri , promes in stenain , multaque tolles ex oculis , quae mox nartet facundia praesns . ibid. * quodcunque ostendis mihi , sic incredulus odi . † nec quodcunque volet poscat sibi fabula credi : neu pransae lamiae vivum puerum extrahat alvo . ibid. * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . odyss . lib. . * non enim res gestae versibus comprehendendae sunt , quod longe melius historici faciunt : sed per , ambages deorumque ministeria , & fabulosum sententiarum tormentum precipitandus est liber spiritus ; ut potius furentis animi vaticinatio appareat , quam religiosae orationis sub testibus fides . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 arist . poet. . . * cum subito assurgens fluctu nimbosus orion i● vada caeca tulit . aen. . † et sciendum quod dii nisi datâ occasione nocere non possunt . * quin etiam hyberno moliris sidere classem expecta facilemque fugam , ventosque ferentes . aen. . * j'en jure par ses yeux , & mes uniques rois , & mes uniques dieux . * fures , ait pedio . pedius quid ? crimina rasae librat in antithetis . doctus posuisse figuras laudatur . pers . sat. . * non devi , neque caede , nec veneno ; sed lis est mihi de tribus capellis . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 has abesse 〈◊〉 . hoc judeae sibi postulat probarl . tu cannas , mithridaticumque bellum , et perjaria punici furoris , & syllas , mariosque muci●sque magnâ voce tonas , manuque tota : jam dic , posthume , de tribus capellis . mat. lib. . epig. . * nox erat , & placidum carpebant fefsa soporem corpora per terras : sylvaeque & saeva quierant aequora : cum medio volvuntur sydera lapsu . cum tacet omnis ager , pecudes pictaeque volucres , quaeque iacus late liquidos , quaeque aspera dumis rura tenent : somno positae sub nocte silenti lenibant curas & corda oblita laborum . et non infoelix animi phaenissa , nec unquam solvitur in somnos . † at non infoelix . ‡ aeneas celsâ in puppi , jam certus eundi carpebat somnos rebus jam rite paratis . * classemque revisit . tum vero teucri incumbunt , & littore celsas deducunt toto naves , natat uncta carina . frondentesque ferunt remos , & robora sylvis infabricata fugae studio . migrantes cernas , totâque ex urbe ruentes . aen. . * quis tibi tunc , dido , cernenti talia sensus ? quosve dabas gemitus , cum littora ferrere late prospiceres ex arce summa ? ibid. * forte facer cybele chloreus , olimque sacerdos insignis longe phrygiis fulgebat in armis ; spumantemque agitabat equum , quem pellis ahenis in plumam squamis auro conserta tegebat . ipse peregrinâ ferrugine clarus & ostro , spicula torquebat lycio cortynia cornu : aureus ex humeris sonat arcus , & aurea vati cassida , tum croceam chlamydemque sinusque crepantes carbaseos fulvo in nodum collegerat auro . pictus acu tunicas , & barbara tegmina crurum . * est procul ab urbe lucus ilicibus niger , dircaea circa , &c. sen. oedip. act. . * dardanius caput ecce puer detectus honestum qualis gemma micat fulvum quae dividit aurum , aencid . . * vel quale per artem , inclusum buxo aut oricia terebintho lucet ebur : fusos cervix cui lactea crines accipit . ibid. * quale solet sylvis , &c. aen. . * fertur prometheus addere principi limo coactus particulam undique desectam , & insani leonis vim stomacho apposuisse nostro . lib. . od. . * eccl. . . * nunquam meus cessabit in poenas furor , crescetque semper , &c. med. act. . * discite justitiam moniti & non temnere divos . aen. . * quicunque regno fidit , & magna potens dominatur aula , &c. troas . act. . * ubi turpis est medicina sanari piget , &c. oedip. act. . * itane & salutis publicae indicium obrues .... mitteris erebo vile pro cunstis caput , arcana sacri vote ni relegis tuâ . ibid. * saepe vel linguâ magis . regi atque regno mutá libertas obest . † imperia solvit , qui t●cet jussus loqui . * curandum est , ne sententiae emineant extra corpus orationis expressae , sed intexto vestibus colore nireant . homerus testis & lyrici , romanusque virgilius , & horatii curiosa felicitas . petron. * audentes fortuna juvat . aen. . * quid non mortalia pectora 〈◊〉 auri sacra fames ? ●… . † improbe amor quid non morta●… pectora cogis ? aen. . hic quibus invisi fratres dum vita manebat , incinsi poenam expectant . aen. . * scinditur incertum studia in contraria vulgus . * tu ne cede malis sed contra audentior ito quo tua te fortuna sinet . aen. . † quo fata trahunt retrahuntque , sequamur . quicquid erit , superanda omnis fortuna ferendo est . aen . * humeros dextrasque tenebat amborum , & vultum lacrymis atque ora rigabat . quae vobis , &c. aen. . * sedet aeternumque sedebit infoelix theseus : phlegiasque miserrimus omnes admonet , & magna restatur voce per umbras : discite justitiam moniti , & non temnere divos . aen. . * magne pater divum saevos punire tyrannos non alia ratione velis , &c. sat. . * inclusa fluct . † nempe cognati maris . † quis colchus , aut quis sedes incertae scytha commisit ? &c. troas , act. . * interdum vocem comoedia tollit , iratusque chremes tumido delitigat ore : et tragicus plerumque dolet sermone pedestri . hor. poet. * nec nocte paratum plorabit qui me volet incurvasse querela . hor. poet. * cunctaeque profundum pontum aspectabant flentes . heu ! tot vada fessis , & tantunti superesse mari● aen. . † ut pictura poësis erit ; quae si propius stes , te capiet magis , & quaedam falongius abstes . haec amat obscurum : volet haec sub luce videri . hor. poet. * moab is my washpot . psal . . v. . now the sons of eli were sons of belial , they knew not the lord. and the priests custom with the people was , &c. sam. . from v. . to v. . * 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 poet. c. . notes for div a -e * these lines , and some in the following pages , are taken out of english versions ] a dog of vvar, or, the trauels of drunkard, the famous curre of the round-woolstaple in westminster his seruices in the netherlands, and lately in france, with his home returne. by iohn taylor. the argument and contents of this discourse is in the next page or leafe. taylor, john, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a dog of vvar, or, the trauels of drunkard, the famous curre of the round-woolstaple in westminster his seruices in the netherlands, and lately in france, with his home returne. by iohn taylor. the argument and contents of this discourse is in the next page or leafe. taylor, john, - . [ ] p. : ill. (woodcuts) printed by i perse i, for o perse o, and & perse &, and are to be solde at the signe of the Æ dipthong, [london] : [ ?] mostly in verse. dated on c r: this storie's writ the day and yeare, that seacoales were exceeding deere. signatures: a-c (-c ). with a half-title: a dogg of vvarre. reproduction of the original in the bodleian library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . dogs -- poetry -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - tcp staff (michigan) sampled and proofread - tcp staff (michigan) text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a dogg of vvarre . a dogg of vvarre . a dog of vvar , or , the trauels of drunkard , the famous curre of the round - woolstaple in westminster . his seruices in the netherlands , and lately in france , with his home returne . by iohn taylor . the argument and contents of this discourse is in the next page or leafe . printed by i perse i , for o perse o , and & perse & , and are to be solde at the signe of the ae dipthong . the argument . an honest , well-knowing and well-knowne souldier , ( whose name for some reasons i conceale ) dwelt lately in vvestminster ) , in the round woolstaple , he was a man onely for action , but such action as loyalty did alwayes iustifie , either for his prince , countrey , or their deere and neere freinds or allies ; in such noble designes hee would and did often with courage , and good aprouement employ himselfe in the low-countreys , having alwaies with him a little blacke dogg , whom hee called drunkard ; which curre would ( by no meanes ) euer forsake or leaue him . but lately in these french warrs , the dogg being in the isle of rhea , where his master ( valiantly fighting ) was vnfortunately slaine , whose death was grieu'd for by as many as knew him ; and as the corps lay dead , the poore louing masterlesse dogg would not forsake it , vntil an english souldier pulld off his masters coate , whom the dog followed to a boat , by which meanes he came backe to westminster , wher hee now remaines . vpon whose fidelity , ( for the loue i owed his deseased master ) i haue writ these following lines , to expresse my adiction to the prouerb , loue me and loue my hound ; i haue a little rubb'd our gull-gallant roarers ouer the coxcombes , and withall i haue not forgotten our nose-wise prescisians : if the dogg drunkard doe a little snap at them , i hold it their wisest way to be silent and put it vp , but if they will bee maundring , let them expect what followes . to the reader . reader , if you expect from hence , for ouerplus of witt or sence , i deale with no such traffique : heroicks and iambiks i , my buskinde muse hath layd them by , pray be content with saphicke . durunkard the dog my patron is , and he doth loue me well for this , whose loue i take for guerdon ; and hee 's a dog of mars , his traine . who hath seene men and horses slaine , the like was neuer heard on . a dogge of vvarre . stand cleare my masters ware your shinns , for now to barke my muse begins , 't is of a dogg i write now : yet let me tell you for excuse , that muse or dogg , or dogg or muse , haue no entent to bite now . in doggrell rimes my lines are writt , as for a dogg i thought it fitt . and fitting best his carkas , had i beene silent as a stoick , or had i writt in verse heroick , then had i beene a starke asse . old homer wrot of froggs and mice , and rablaies wrot of nitts and lice , and virgil of a flye , one wrot the treatise of the foxe another praisd the frenchmans pox whose praise was but a lye. great alexander had a horse , a famous beast of mighty force y cleap'd bucephalus : he was a stout and sturdy steed , and of an ex'lent race and breed , but that concerns not vs. i list not write the bable praise of apes , or owles , or popinjaies . or of the catt grimmalkin , but of a true and trusty dogg , who well could faune , but neuer cogg , his praise my pen must walke in . and drunkard he is falsly nam'd , for with that vice he ne're was blam'd , for he loues not god bacchus : the kitchin he esteeme more deere , then cellers full of wine or beere , which oftentimes doth wracke vs. he is no mastiffe , huge of lim , or waterspaniell , that can swim , nor bloudhound or no setter : no bobtayle tyke , or trundle raile , nor can he partridge spring or quaile , but yet he is much better . no daynty ladies fifting hound , that liue's vpon our britaine ground no mungrell cur or shogh : should litters , or whole kennells dare with honest drunkard to compare , my pen writes , marry fough . the otter hound , the foxe hound , nor the swift foote grey hound car'd he for , nor cerberus hells bandog ; his seruice prooues them curres and tikes , and his renowne a terror strikes . in water dog and land dog ; gainst braue buquoy , or stout dampiere , he durst haue bark'd withouten feare or 'gainst the hot count tylly : at bergin laguer and bredha , against the noble spinola , he shewd himselfe not silly . he seru'd his master at commands , in the most warlike netherlands , in holland , zealand , brabant , he to him still was true and iust , and if his fare were but a crust , he patiently would knab on 't . he durst t' haue stood sterne aiax frowne , when wise vlisses talk'd him downe , in graue diebus illis , when he by cunning prating woon the armour , from fierce tellamon , that longed to achilles : braue drunkard , oft on gods deere ground , tooke such poore lodging as he found , in towne , feild , campe or cottage , his bed but cold , his dyet thin , he oft in that poore case was in , to want both meate and pottage . two rowes of teeth for armes he bore , which in his mouth he alwaies wore , which seru'd to fight and feed to : his grumbling for his drum did passe , and barking ( lowd ) his ordnance was , which help'd in time of need to . his tayle his ensigne he did make , vvhich he would oft display , and shake , fast in his poope vpreared : his powder hot , but somewhat danke , his shot in ( sent ) most dangerous ranke , vvhich sometimes made him feared : thus hath he long seru'd neere and farr , vvell known to be a dog of warr , though he ne're shot with musket ; yet cannons roare , or culuerings , that whizzing through the vvelk in sings , he slighted as a pusse cat for guns nor drums , nor trumpets clang , nor hunger , cold , nor many a pang , could make him leaue his master : in ioy , and in aduersity in plenty , and in pouerty , he often was a taster . thus seru'd he on the belgia coast , yet nere was heard to brag or boast , of seruices don by him : he is no pharisey to blow a trumpet , his good deeds to show , t' is pitty to bely him . at last he home return'd in peace , till warrs , and iarrs , and scarrs encrease twixt vs , and france , in malice : away went he and crost the sea , with 's master , to the isle of rhea , a good way beyond callice . he was so true , so good , so kind , he scorn'd to stay at home behinde , and leaue his master frustrate ; for which , could i like ouid write , or else like virgill could endite , i would his praise illustrate . i wish my hands could neuer stirre , but i doe loue a thankefull curre more then a man ingratefull : and this poore doggs fidelitie , may make a thankles knaue descry how much that vice is hatefull . for why ? of all the faults of men , which they haue got from hells black den , ingratitude the worst is : for treasons , murthers , incests , rapes , nor any sinne in any shapes , so bad , nor so accurst is . i hope i shall no anger gaine , if i doe write a word or twaine , how this dogge was distressed : his master being wounded dead , shot , cut , and slash'd , from heele to head , thinke how he was opressed . to lose him that he loued most , and be vpon a forreigne coast , where no man would releiue him : he lick'd his masters wounds in loue , and from his carkas would not moue , although the fight did grieue him . by chaunce a soldier passing by , that did his masters coate espy . and quick away he tooke it ; but drunkard followed to a boate , to haue againe his masters coate , such theft he could not brooke it . so after all his woe and wrack , to westminster he was brought back , a poore halfe starued creature ; and in remembrance of his cares , vpon his back he closely weares a mourning coate by nature . liue drunkard , sober drunkard liue , i know thou no offence wilt giue , thou art a harmeles dumb thing ; and for thy loue i 'le freely grant , rather then thou shouldst euer want , each day to giue thee somthing . for thou hast got a good report , of which ther 's many a dog comes short , and very few men gaine it ; though they all dangers brauely bide , and watch , fast , fight , runne , goe and ride , yet hardly they attaine it . some like dominicall letters goe , in scarlet from the top to toe , whose vallour's talke and smooke all . who make , ( god sink'em ) their discourse , refuse , renounce , or dam , that 's worse , i wish a halter choake all . yet all their talke is bastinado , strong armado hot scalado , smoaking trinidado . of canuasado , pallizado , of the secret ambuscado , boasting with brauado . if swearing could but make a man , then each of these is one that can with oathes , an army scatter : if oathes could conquer fort , or hold , then i presume these gallants could with braggs , a castle batter . let such but thinke on drunkards fame , and note therewith their merits blame , how both are vniuersall ; then would such coxcombs blush to see they by a dog outstrip'd should be , whose praise is worth rehersall . the times now full of danger are , and we are round ingadg'd in warre , our foes would faine distresse vs : yet many a stubborne mizer knaue , will giue no coyne his throat to saue , if he were stor'd like cressus . these hidebound varlets , worse then turks , top full with faith , but no good workes , a crew of fond precise-men ; in factions , and in emulation , caterpillers of a nation , whom few esteeme for wise men . but leauing such to mend , or end : back to the dogge my verse doth bend , whose worth , the subiect mine is : though thou a doggs life here dost leade , let not a doggs death strike thee dead , and make thy fatall finis . thou shalt be stellifide by me , i 'le make the dog-star wayte on thee , and in his roome i 'le seate thee : when soll doth in his progresse swindge , and in the dog-daies hotly sindge , he shall not ouer heate thee . so honest drunkard now adue , thy praise no longer i 'le pursue , but still my loue is to thee : and when thy life is gon and spent , these lines shall be thy monument , and shall much seruice doe thee . i lou'd thy master , so did all that euer knew him , great and small , and he did well deserue it : for he was honest , valient , good , and one that manhood vnderstood , and did till death preserue it . for whose sake , i 'le his dog prefer , and at the dogge at westminster shall drunkard be a bencher ; where i will set a worke his chapps , not with bare bones , or broken scapps , but victualls from my trencher . all those my lines that ill digest , or madly doe my meaning wrest , in malice , or derision : kinde drunkard , preethee bite them all , and make them reele from wall to wall , with wine , or maults incision . i know when foes did fight or parle , thou valiantly wouldst grin and snarle , against an army aduerse ; which made me bold , with rustick pen stray here and there , and back agen , to blaze thy fame in mad verse . it was no auaritious scope , or flattry , or the windy hope of any fee , or stipend : for none , nor yet for all of these , but only my poore selfe to please , this mighty volume i pen'd . anno. this storie 's writ the day and yeare , that seacoales were exceeding deere . thus the old prouerbe is fulfilled , a dogge shall haue his day : and this dogge hath not out liu'd his reputation , but ( to the perpetuall renowne of himselfe , and good example of his owne begotten puppies ) he hath his bright day of fame perspicuously shining . i read in anthony gueuaroa his golden epistles , that the great alexander buried his horse ; that the emperour augustus made a stately monument for his parrot : and that heliogabalus did embaulmne and intombe his sparrow . happy were those creatures in dying before their masters : i could with all my heart haue been glad that drunkards fortune had been the like , vpon the condition that i had payd for his buriall . but to speake a little of the nature of beasts , and of the seruice and fidelitie of dogges toward their masters : quintus curtius writes , that the elephant whereon porus the indian king road in the battle against alexander , when the king was beaten downe to the ground , that the elephant drew his master with his trunke out of the danger of the fight , and so sau'd him . a groome of the chamber to french king francis the first , was murdered in the forrest of fountein belleau , but the said groome had a dogge , who afterward ( in the presence of the king & all the court ) did teare the murderer in peeces . amongst the watermen at the black-friers , there lately was a little bitch that whelped or litter'd in the lane vnder a bench , the men perceiued that she had more puppies then she could sustaine , did take three of them and cast them into the thames , ( the water being high ) but the next day , when the water was ebd away , the bitch went downe the staires , and found her three drowned puppies , when presently she dig'd a deepe pit in the ground , and drew them into it one after an other , and then scrap'd the grauell vpon them and so hid them . i could produce and relate many of these examples and accidents , but they are so frequent and familiar , that almost euery man hath either known or heard of the like : but chiefely for the dogge , he is in request aboue all beastes , and by and from dogges our separatists and amsterdamians , and our precise dispisers of all honest and laudable recreations may see their errors ; for of all the creatures , there are most diuersitie in the shapes and formes of dogges ; of all which , there are but two sorts that are vsefull for mans profit , which two are the mastiffe , and the little curre , whippet , or house-dogge ; all the rest are for pleasure and recreation ; so likewise is the mastiffe for beare and bull : but the water-spaniell , land-spaniell , grey-hound , fox-hound , buck-hound , blood-hound , otter-hound , setter , tumbler , with shough and dainty , my ladies delicate fisting hound ; all these are for pleasure , by which we may perceiue that man is allowed lawfull and honest recreation , or else these dogges had neuer bin made for such vses . but many pretty rediculous aspersions are cast vpon dogges , so that it would make a dogge laugh to heare and vnderstand them : as i haue heard a man say , i am as hot as a dogge , or , as cold as a dogge ; i sweate like a dogge , ( when indeed a dogge neuer sweates , ) as drunke as a dogge , he swore like a dogge : and one told a man once , that his wife was not to be beleeu'd , for she wonld lye like a dog ; marry ( quoth the other ) i would giue twelue pence to see that trick , for i haue seene a dog to lye with his nose in his tayle . finis . an extemporary ansvver to a cluster of drunkards, met together at schiedam: made by timothy gunton, who was compelled thereto, upon his refusall to drink the kings health. whether such impetuous drinking of other mens healths were lawfull, profitable, commendable, or reasonable? gunton, timothy. this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason .f. [ ]). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing g thomason .f. [ ] estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; : f [ ]) an extemporary ansvver to a cluster of drunkards, met together at schiedam: made by timothy gunton, who was compelled thereto, upon his refusall to drink the kings health. whether such impetuous drinking of other mens healths were lawfull, profitable, commendable, or reasonable? gunton, timothy. sheet ([ ] p.) s.n., [london : ] partly in verse. imprint from wing. annotation on thomason copy: " aprill ". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng toasts -- early works to . satire, english -- early works to . a r (thomason .f. [ ]). civilwar no an extemporary ansvver to a cluster of drunkards, met together at schiedam: made by timothy gunton, who was compelled thereto, upon his refu gunton, timothy. a this text has no known defects that were recorded as gap elements at the time of transcription. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion an extemporary ansvver to a cluster of drunkards , met together at schiedam : made by timothy gunton , who was compelled thereto , upon his refusall to drink the kings health . whether such impetuous drinking of other mens healths were lawfull , profitable , commendable , or reasonable ? if lawfull , it is either by the lawes of god , or man : if of god , it is contained in holy writ , which is the old and new testament ; but from the alpha of genesis , to the omega of the revelations , there is no such thing commanded ; therefore not by the lawes of god . if by the lawes of man , search the records , review the statutes , and shew in whose reign , and what yeare it was enacted . if profitable , it must conduce to the good , either of soul or body : if of the soul , it must be suitable , convenient , and agreeable to the soul ; but the soul is a spirituall creature , not capable either to eat , or drink any materiall substance : if of the body , then be ye your own judges , what profit have ye to drinke the money out of the purse , the wit out of the brain , the bread from wife and children , the health from the body , and the peace of god both from soul and body ? if commendable , it is commended either by wise men , or fooles : by wise men , who know a thing to be good ; by fooles , who suppose a thing to be good : but wise men know that man is the image of god , and by his reasonable soul he is distinguished from other creatures , and other creatures cannot ( contrary to reason ) be compelled to drink against appetite ; yet man being become worse then a beast , not only drinks himself , but also compels others to drink , untill they vomit it up againe ; wherefore , no wise man will commend it ; and if a foole commend it , it is for want of wit . if reasonable , let all the world censure , what reason hath one man to drink another mans health , to impair his own ? by these let all men know 't is worse then sordid stealth , to fawn upon a friend , and swallow down his health . yet some audacious rogues dare in their drunken notes pour king , and kingdomes health down their ungodly throats and stove it in their stinking paunch an hour , or twain , and then they 'l spew , and cag , and pisse it out again . oh then how sick art thou poore king , and common-wealth , while drunken sots daily drink , pisse , and spew thy health . for these my lines i 'le pardon crave , and promise eke they shall be mended : but first i must some reason have , wherein , and whom they have offended . a most horrible, terrible, tollerable, termagant satyre most fresh and newly made, and prest in print, and if it bee not lik'd, the divells in't. taylor, john, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc . estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a most horrible, terrible, tollerable, termagant satyre most fresh and newly made, and prest in print, and if it bee not lik'd, the divells in't. taylor, john, - . [ +], , [ ] p. : ill. (woodcut) printed by thomas cotes, [london : ] in verse. title from caption title, a r; only known copy lacks all before a . imprint from stc. caption title, a r: to his friend iohn taylor, the ingenious poeta aquaticus, and the author of this most wholesome following black-mouth'd biting satire. reproduction of a photostat of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion to his friend iohn taylor , the ingenious poeta aquaticus , and the author of this most wholesome following black-mouth'd biting satire . nor speach nor silence now a dayes protects men from the critticks bolt , he spyes defect●… ( at least pretends so ) in the thought of man as well as in his actions ; shall i than that have a free-borne spirit balke the way , because a dogge barkes , or an asse doth bray ? or cause some rash foole , such an one as hee that late revil'd the prince of poetry shall rip up thy beginning , and shall raile and find exceptions out ( sans head or taile ) shall this i say deterre me from bestowing an approbation where 't is justly owing ? no , i have read thy fancies , and desir●… whilst others censure thee , i may admire how the castalian flood should swell so high to drench thy skull , and raise thy poesie to such a pitch ; while many a learned braine spake onely prose , short of thy weakest straine : meane while thy bookes and these salute ●…hee , all thy friends here doe the like in generall : and this thy harmelesse and just satire shall make thee and it ; be lov'd in generall . w. gainsford allandro pasqueto mallatrumpa entantrino liuroe . il vento chioli , mauritambull tella fulg●…e , antro della campo il danto cordi sublima pantatbos , stremo standina eschine vandri bene in shendo , tercia penthe dissadi . m●…crops , sans fida vocifera randa bavinea , allatendrea quanto , eltrada pizmin●… venta , mega pollimunton , theorba quasie quicunque triptolina tiphon , quabacondono sapho . terra trag●…us sophye , sunt di●…calcitheo geata . a vostre obserdandi zhean de fa vostre obserdandi zhean de fistye cankie de sallamanca andalowsia . or thus you may english it , in the transcending praise of the author , and his following book . till phoebus blustering blasts shall cease to blow , and aeolus shall hide his radient raies , till vulcans forge be fram'd of scithian snow , and neptune like a shepheard spend his dayes ; when satuane shall sell mouse-trapps , and allow mars to sing madrigalls , and round-delayes : then shall thy booke and thee be out of date , and scorne the fu●…ry of consuming fate . to your worthinesse in all observance devoted iohn defistie cankie of sallamanca in andalusia . a most horrible , terrible , tollerable , termagant satyre : most fresh and newly made , and prest in print , and if it bee not lik'd , the divells in 't . satyre . the proud man. what in the world doth true contentment give , that man should have desire therein to live ? yet is it not so full of sinfull staines , but he doth make it worse that most complaines . pride doth for hamans honour madly hope , but never minds his ladder , or his rope ; so elephants are mighty beasts , but when they fall can hardly ever rise agen : and 't is a signe that honour is extorted , and basely got that is with pride supported . that cannot mount men to eternall blisse , which cast the angels thence to hells abisse : it is a fabricke that on sand is builded , a feigned glory with damnation guilded . ambition deemes the world not transitory , and flattery blowes the bladders of vaine-glory , which makes th' ambitious swim to honors brink ; untill time pricks their bladders ; then they sink . by fooles he may be valued at high rate , a bugbeare , or a skar-crow in a state , a mountebanke of honour , or a thing , that may in post-hast to promotion spring : and may with whimsies milch a common-wealth and purchase , by his universall stealth , gods curse and mans , and more ; he may doe this be way of change , or metamorphosis ; ( need , turne men to silke-wormes , forcing them through from out their bowels spin his gawdy weede . consider this thou new made mushrom man , thy life 's a blast , a bubble , and a span ; and thou with all thy gorgeous trappings gay , art but a mouldring lumpe of guilded clay . thy out-side may be rich , thy inside poor , ( doore worse than the wretch that beggs from doore to what though thy coate be richer stuffe than mine ? and that thy linnen be more pure and fine ? or that thy periwig bee sweetly scented , most neatly keam'd , slick'd , curled and indented ? what though i be nine dayes behind the fashio●… or that my breech be of the old translation ? not to be drawne on with a shooing-horne as quaile-pipe breeches are , and wise men scorn what though with points i am not trust below my small unto my anckle ? ( oh rare show ) what though that i observant be to thee , and stand before thee bare , with bended knee ? will my hat off , cause thy head cease to ake ? or my leg make the gout thy limbes forsake ? or doth not my poore duty puffe thee higher , and swell thy too much hatefull pride t' aspire ? then is my manners quite misplac'd , for i have no mind to commit idolatry ; unto a thing that 's out of reliques made from drapers , mercers , and the silk-mans trade i 'le bend no knee , nor shall my bonnet wagge , to velvet remnant , or a peece of shagge ; a plush plus ultra man in scorne and pride , such ioyes , such popping-joyes my lines deride : his tayler made , and shap'd , and trim'd , & trick'd him and ( like a young beare ) into fashion lick'd him : he put his corps insuite , and brave array , and after puts his bill in 〈◊〉 for pay , such things as thos●… nor will i give for though man of all the trea●… ●…t hath he not these gifts to man allow'd , ●…at he should be thereby ambititus , proud . ●…ere must be neate distinctions of superiours 〈◊〉 habits ; to bee knowne from their inferiours : ●…t hee 's a cinnick , and a stupid stoicke ●…at will not reverence such as are heroicke ; ●…odnesse with greatnesse , merits , dignity ●…ost gracious gifts of heavens benignity ) ●…r honours due , where honour doth belong ; ●…d those that yeeld it not their soules doe wrong . ●…d gorgious garments may be justly worne , ●…t yet not lin'd with pride , contempt , and scorne . ●…od doth hate pride , the gate of heaven is low , ●…nd all that enter there must humbly bow. ●…alew no man for that which hee doth weare , ●…or value any man for what they were : ●…is in-side being good , i care not which , ●…hether his out-side be or poore or rich ; ●…or tarquin 't was unkingly , most unfit ●…or him a rape on lucrece to commit ; ●…et though the fault were foule , 't is understood ●…was done by lustfull youth , and heate of blood : ●…o doubt , but tarquin ( in those heathen times ) 〈◊〉 th●…t fact 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 other crimes ; , ; to riot , ; but all these vices were not in him seene , they seem'd in him as if they had not beene : for they ( like vermin ) all did hide and shrow●… in th'odious title of tarquin the proud. thus though mans life to sundry sins is thrall , prides gaudy ca●…opy doth hide them all . . satyre . the avaricious or covetous man , and projector . what title best befits that cursed wretch , that daily makes his cheverell conscienc●… stretch , his mucke unto his neighbours mucke to joyne , and be a bawd to his engendring coyne ; whose soule to damned avarice is sold , and ( like an atheist ) knowes no god ( but gold ) and pale-fac'd silver is his goddesse pure , to gaine whom , he all slavery will endure ; doe any villany with hand or braine , ( provided that the end of it be gaine ) live like a rascall , beggerly and bare , lye downe in sorrow , and rise up in care ; rake , and racke tenants to the very bones , respecting neither teares , or sighes , or m●…anes ; and keepe 〈◊〉 house ( as hunger-starv'd as hell ) ●…ith whom the mice and rats disdaine to dwell ; ●…hose christmas dinner ( in a pipkin drest ) ●…e counts a costly and voluptuous feast . ●…t let him be invited once abroad , ●…he tiranizing wolfe will lay on load 〈◊〉 if he never in his life did eate ; ●…r that he never after should see meat : ●…us often his ung●…ily guts are cram'd , ●…ot at his owne charge , he will first be dammn'd ; ●…hus begger'd in his m●…d insatiate ●…e lookes on ●…idas state , forgets his fate ; ●…e will not weare the asses eares in vaine , ●…e once ( perhaps ) may weare a golden chaine : ●…r if not so , he●…le serape what wealth he can ●…o make his lack-wit sonne a gentleman , ●…or whom ( more mad than any man of goatham ) ●…ee'le dive to tagus sands , or hels vast bottom ? ●…ll that he doth possesse he counts it none , ●…is neighbours state he daily dotes upon ; ●…midst his masse of riches hee 's not rich , ●…is achans wedge that doth his soule bewitch : ●…hus like a fiend of hell he neither cares for orphans iniuries , or widdowes teares ; his eares are deafned to their lamentations , his coffers fill'd with coyne and execrations ; himselfe growes old and gouty , rhumaticke , most loathsome coughing , wayward , chollerick , noysome to all , and stinkes above the ground , despis'd and slighted like a mangy hound . his wife , his children , kin , and family all looke upon him most disdainefully ; ( ratt he coughs , spits , spawles , and in the throat do●… and death and him are in a mortall battle : his people pitty him , and altogether they wish him dead & gone , they care not whith●… he would say somewhat but he cannot speake , he fumbles with the sheets , his eye-strings brea●… within his mouth he mumbles , champs & chaw●… these . next following lines shall shew the ca●… a mole 's a mole , whose food is onely mold , 〈◊〉 and best of mold is but refined gold : god mammon is of such high eminence , it makes man love dame tellus excrements , 't is vices glory , vertues laughing stocke , the misers honour , and true bounties mocke ; and he that lives a slave , and dyes a knave , is most unworthy of a christian grave . he hides his wealth , and at his dying day , he in his dying chopps doth hide the key ; and in those hidings he is quite bereaven of keyes and lockes , and entrance into heaven . he dyes and stinkes , and every one is glad , ( although for fashion sake some must seeme sad : ) he must be buried , and a banquet spent , which if hee knew it would his mind torment ; ●…e in his life ne're kept a feastivall , ●…nd grieves to have one at his funerall . ●…or ought i know , his son the head hangs down , ●…a merry living for a mourning gowne ) ●…hen in the grave the fragile corps are put ●…here , till the refurrection closely shut ; ●…nd on his monumentall stone , or tombe , ●…is good deedes are insculpt in little roome . epi●…ph . ●…ere lyes a wight interr'd beneath this stone , ●…ho w●…s of age neere fourescore yeares and one●… ●…e with all hidden vertues was possest , and kept them ; for he few or none exprest : ●…n all the time which he did here survive , his holy care was to live long , and thrive ; at last death strucke him downe , and laid him flat , he dy'd , and gave ●…he poore no man knowes what . ●…he funerall teares are quickly dry'd and done , and now behold his long eclipsed son , from th'obscure clouds of basenesse rushing forth , to shew his father left him something worth ; he lets those angels fly to sight externall , his dad had long kept darke , like fiends infernall ; he roares , and revells , drabs , & drinks and dices , weares and sees fashions , & most strange devices ; marries at last into a stocke of state , maintaines her , as befits a ladies rate and more ; because her joyes shall full be crown he buyes a knight-hood of five hundred pound : her ladiship will quickely have a care to be as proud as other ladies are ; for though of wealth they have the divell and 〈◊〉 her pride shall make their charity so small that she will make her knight to scrape and gathe●… and keepe a base house like the slave his father ; that e're a yeare or two be gone and past , a man may sooner breake his necke then 's fast . and as the ocean's bounds are largely bounded , so avarice , is measurelesse unsounded ; the sea hath many branches , that doe keepe their tributary course unto the deepe ; as fountaines , springs , brooks , make mighty river●… those rivers all into the sea delivers all these disbursments : yet for all the store th' insatiate ocean hath no jot the more : so avarice , though it be still supply'd with aydes , or helpes , like a perpetuall tyde it swallowes all , and yet , it 's dropsie thirst is as unquenchable as 't was at first . and now ( most pertinent ) i will expresse th' attendance that doe waite on covetousnesse . mistake me not , 't is not my ayme or drift t'enveigh 'gainst honest gaine , or lawfull thrift ; inhumane lucre , spawne of avarice , which wretched men esteeme at so high price ; ●…at they ( above all vertues ) seeke and chuse it , ●…d will lose heaven it selfe before they 'le lose it . ●…ucre is cruell , in an anagram which doth expresse the nature of the same ; 〈◊〉 there be any thing more cruell , then ●…or greedy lucre , men should murder men ? wolves in their kind amongst themselves agree , ●…or lucre men each others bane will bee . ●…here are a swarme of , old gehezies tribe , ●…hat for the love of lucre love a bribe : ●…wish that they and their posterity , ●…light likewise have gehezies leprosie : ●…ites stoope to carrion , beasts to grasse & herbage ●…o will these mungrells doe to golden garbage . a bribe may spin a suite in law , so long that he whose cause was right , may have the wrong . a bribe may have that force and powerfulnesse , to make the greater theeves hang up the lesse : a bribe , the scales of justice oft hath sway'd , and made a whore passe currant for a maid . my satyre might an endlesse journey run , to search what villany bribes hath not done : what mischiefe still it doth , and more would doe , but that the eye of justice lookes thereto ; yet many times and oft , i heare it sed , that justice long agoe to heaven is fled : and that by her , our faults cannot be seene , so many clouds are interpos'd betweene : but i would have all vaine surmisers know true justice sees , and notes what 's done below . no bribe , that court of conscience tollerates , nor no bribe-taker enters in those gates . there comes no lawyer thither that playes booty , th'oppressors soule 's kept out , all smutch'd & sooty . the fear'd , the flaw'd , corrupt gal'd conscience , are all eternally exil'd from thence . but as all trees are wood , yet every tree is not to burne ; some fit for buildings be , for fruite or physicke some , and some for shade , for divers uses diversly are made : yet mens opinion all in this agrees , that they are all in generall call'd trees . i have heard broomes cald beesoms , and i have heard honest titles put upon a knave : yeast is call'd barme , or ryfing , but 't is knowne that barme , and yeast , and ryfing all are one . even so a bribe , though it can make a shift to turne the name unto a friendly gift , a kind remembrance , or a courtesie , a fee , a present , or gratuity ; a thankes , or a reward , or what you will , yet 't is a bribe , if given or taken ill . the sundry names cannot the nature alter , the name of rope's oft put upon the halter ; yet hee 's a blocke , a sencelesse stocke or stone , that thinks for naught to have his businesse done ; he may as well expect meat , drinke , & cloathing ; house-rent and land : & all things else for nothing . if i will have my lawyer plead for me , 't is just that he from me should have his fee ; for be i either plaintiffe , or defendant ; and that my cause is difficult , dependant ; if my good lawyer doe with paines and cares , free me from out the lawes entangled snares , that he , or any other whomsoever shall doe me good , or use their best endeavour , i would requite them any way i could ; and such requitalls for no bribes i hold . 't is being forc'd to give , or to subscribe before the businesse done , that makes a bribe ; but he that for a good turne is ingratefull , i wish him live accurst ; and dye most hatefull . thus bribery is a member of great price , and chiefe supporter unto avarice . the high-way theefe that robs by day or night , doth covet that which is not his by right . the filching rogue ( as every where 't is knowne ) doth pilfering covet , what is not his owne ; the gamesters that play deepely , soone or late , are covetous to win each others state . the perjur'd slave is courteous , for he will pawne his eares unto the pillory ; and purposely ( anothers goods to gaine ) hazzard his soule to everlasting paine . the cheater , pickpocket , and cut-purse knave , are covetous anothers coyne to have ; nick froth the tapster with his curtall kan most courteous courteous cheates every man , false weights or measures , be they great or small are avarices slaves , and servants all . mounsieur projector monopollitan a well compos'd , ill dispos'd gentleman ; that for his good deservings , night and day is pray'd for oft , ( the cleane contrary way ) the sea of avarice is his maine ocean ( motion , through which he swims , and struggles for pro - which being long in gaining soone is lost , upon the waves of envy heav'd and toss'd . the winds of sighes and curses raise a storme , ( and in the conscience lyes a gnawing worme ) that hurles him too and fro , from place to place ; ( that he can scarcely at his meate say grace ) he splits upon the rocke of scorne and spight , and just disgraces quick-sands sinke him quite . thus have i shew'd that covetousnesse is the very roote of all that is amisse ; all men , ( as men ) are subject to offending , my satyre bites such , as are quite past mending . may not that man be justly call'd a foole that thinkes to make good march-pan of a stoole , or of a sowes eare frame a velvet purse , or of a she-beare make a good meltch nurse , drinke aquofortis , and sustaine no harme , or take the towne of dunkirk with a charme : the way to doe all these i 'le sooner find , then satisfie an avaricious mind ; a hungry iade the world can never fill , still feeds , still leaves , still empty , hungry still ; and so i wish all men away to beat him , or knocke his brains quite out & let dogs eat him : but he that willingly will entertaine him , i wish an old house may fall down and braine him . . satyre . the bragging rogue . another coxe-combe boasts of ex'lent parts , how he hath practis'd arms , & studdied arts ; his travells to write downe would volumes fill , beyond our famous sir john mandivill : and to his reputation 't were a blot , to put him in the ranke of don quixot . he past the zones , phrygia , and torrida , surveigh'd the south world , call'd incognita , and there he saw great gorgons empty scull so bigge , foure bushels scarce could fill it full . at stamboloya , ( a most stately port , ) where the emperor great robombo keeps his court : there in a shamaranguah , ( which we call a chappell ) was a building round and tall , where as the huge gargantuas corps were laid , the-tombe is full a furlongs length 't is said ; built of a polisht stone like crimson jet , ( surpassing farre the tombe of mahomet ) enchac'd with precious stones that dims the sight that none can looke on 't , it doth shine so bright . from thence he past the streights of magellan , and feasted was by mighty pouhatan , where 'mongst a world of dainties to be briefe , a phaenix stew'd in white-broath was the chiefe . tut , it will tire a man to heare him halfe he hath seene miloes bull , and walthams calfe ; the monmouth cap of famous owen glendor , and three eye teeth of th ' ancient witch of endor : ischartots lanthorne , at saint dennisis , th' ephesian dian , at the louure is : the amphitheater that 's at ulismos , the pirramids of aegypt , or the isthmos that parts utopia from faire thessaly , or lofty atlas that doth prop the sky . if all be true he sayes , we may him call the god of warrs lieutenant generall : no turke , or tartar , moore , or mirmidon such valient exploits hath under-gone : he learn'd wars horne-booke first , & did not stint but past his grammer rules was perfect in 't ; he first began with trayning , mustring , drilling , before he came to fighting , or to killing ; to march , to put his men in files , and rankes , to order a batalia , wings , or flankes , to lead the vaunt-guard , or bring up the reare , to be here , there , ( and almost every where ) to guide and mannage men , and make them stout , double your rankes and files , faces about : he serv'd the turke nine yeares , a renegado , where oftentimes he felt the bastinado ; and though he wore a coate of bare-freezado , yet there he learn'd the art of a soldado , ' t affront an enemy with a brav●…ado , to make a battery , and to use sealado ; to use petards , engines , wild-fire , granado , ' tintrappe the foe by secret ambuscado ; to raise , mount , parrapet , or camisado , to make a strength more strong with canvasado ; with his good sword to use the imbrocado ; the punto , the roverso , the stockado : and for land service , or the sea armado , he knowes a roll of match from trividado . his musick , drums , guns , cannons , thundring rore , as if the welkin were in torters tore ; the harquebuz and muskets goe pit pat , towers , castles , forts , and ciradells laid flat ; mines , counter-mines , assaults , repulses , sallies , whilst horse and men shine strow the field●… and battalias , battries , breaches , armies , arms , ( vallies broyles , garboy les , hot encounters , fierce allarm●… : fortifications , camps , redoubts , and trenches , va●…dres , and counter-mutes , walls , sconses , fences , on-set●… and on-slaughts he hath beene upon , he blow up tauris , conquer'd babilon : he stood pordu●… beneath the frozen zone turn'd to a man of ice , or christall stone . the same day mars his valour did inspire and thaw'd him brave , with sulphur , smoak , & fire . he in the battell seem'd a man all flame , in smould ring powder , he that day o're came the tartar chrim , and neare to samere and , he with mackougly shangh , fought hand to hand . the leaguers , and the sieges hee hath seene , the dread full dangers where he oft hath beene ; he hath daunc'd antiques in a crimson flood , and swom lev●…aes in a sea of blood : in greatest perrills he would bravely on , ( geton , his throate belch'd fogge , and flames like phle - thus sallamander like , he oft hath beene in scorching flashes , and three winters in an icye coate , like armour shining bright he sorv'd the pole , against the moscovite . he hath laine downe to sleepe a man , in show , and rose a snow-ball , or a ball of snow : like the ca●…lion ( not to food inclin'd ) he liv'd by sucking the cold northerne wind , ●…ain'd by the blast of fame , that swiftly flyes , compounding and confounding truth with lyes . he hath 〈◊〉 blade , ( if his report be true ) wherewith he sixteene desperate corporalls flew ; and eight leiuetenants he out-right hath kill'd , foure valiant serjants he hath slaine in field : two noble captaines and one generall , his fury , force perforce did force to fall . blades broake , & batter'd hilts , he hath had more then any castle can containe the store ; he had a rapier , sharpe , pure castilliano , with which he gor'd and kill'd a great umbrano , for guided with an arme and courage fierce , it quite through double cannon proofe will peirce . hee 'le guard himselfe from any bullets fall , his sword 's his racket , and the shot the ball , which though it swiftly come , he 's so quick-ey'd that with his morglay he would turne't aside : with the same bilbo , once he madly strikes and crop'd the toppes off , from a grove of pikes : thus fighting oft in winter , and in summer , he had more wounds than holes are in a scummer . a thousand blowes and bruises , knocks , & cuts he hath receiv'd ; eight times shot through the guts : he was in leagure late before breda . associate with the marquesse spinola : and being in a boate upon the water , a musket shot run through his piamater , it peirc'd his perricranion , that his braine was taken out and wash'd , put in againe . yet all these wounds , and all his desperate matches , he calls them petty hurts , or simple scratches : he was so mawl'd once at berghen ap zone , boyes call'd him raw-head there , and bloody-bone . from thence he tooke his iourney into flanders , and so to england where he cants and maunders ; where though he be not now the man he was . for an old beaten souldier he may passe . . satyre . the mountebanke , or quacksalver . signeur gonsalvo , come from naples late , hath in the curcumclusion of his pate ingrost all learning , and can teach the way to speake all tongues ; ( excepting truth ) they say ; there 's not a pissing-post but weares a bill , that doth proclaime his admirable skill . in grammer , logicke , and in rhetoricke , musicke , geometry , arithmeticke ; bright star surmounting rare astronomy , life-saving physicke , starving poetry : invisible gold creating alchimie extracting , and distracting chimistrie : these arts perfection are exceeding rare , and are ( me thinks ) too much for one mans share : but yet this mountebanke hath often swore that he is perfect in all these , and more . i will say nothing that may him deprave , but i will thinke he is a cheating knave . grammer's the ground of speech , though all men without it ; 't is rude , simple harsh , & weak : ( speake for though all speake by nature , i can tell by rules of grammers art , men may speake well : logick's a speech , that seemes by disagreeing to make things be , or not be in their being ; to whet mens wits , to try and tosse conclusions , and learnedly to reconcile confusions . rhetoriq●…e , i call th' embroyderick , or the varnish , that doth ( with eloquence ) a language garnish : it decks speech , with stile , phrase , and illustration , and method ; and is crown'd with admiration . arithmatique can shew by numeration , how many minuits past since the creation : and how by finite numbers , and by fractions , allusions may be made to all our actions . astronomie doth search the pl●…nnets courses , their influences , their aspects , and forces ; the revolutions of time , dayes , and yeares , and how the sun and moone passe their car●…ires . geometry shewes , squares , rounds , eranes & sinnes , miles , engines , ovalls , quadrats , trappes , and grins ; the sea-mans compasse , clocke and dyalls , all houses , and shippes built geometricall . musicke consists of ayres , of sounds , of voyces , of time , space , measure , which the heart rejoyces : of concord , discord , unity , division , which none but affes hold in base derision . physicke doth labour , study , search , and try the hidden secrets of philosophy and every simple , for mans preservation ; the learn'd physitians know their operation . but poetry must know much more than these , it scales the skies , it dives into the seas , 't is fire , earth ; water , aire ; 't is sicknesse , health probatum est : 't is any thing but wealth . and mounsieur quack-salver , i tell thee plaine thou lyest , to say these arts are in thy braine . thou hast perhaps the theory of prating , and iesuitticall equivocating : but for the practique , thou as much dost know , as he that said that corne on trees doth grow : what madnesse hath possest our nation here , that take delight to buy their deaths so deare : can not our doctors we in england have , send us as cheape as strangers to our grave : or doe not our physitians well deserne to kill men , but they must french-men learne , of germanes , or italians , oh base , and insupportable most vile disgrace : i dare presume that we know every way to helpe , hurt , kill or cure as well as they . but al things strange are rare , al 's good that 's deere i muse we have no forreigne hang-men here . 't is miserable comfort , poore reliefe , more danger 's in the physicke than the griefe : diseases oft are of such strange conditions they kill not , if not help'd by strange physitions . like conjurers , they give their pagan drugs , the fearefull name of the infernall bugs : a bitter divell , collaquintida , a stinking divell , arsefetita ; a pockey divell , call'd zarsaperilla , a mortall for the morbus gallica : elaphoboscon , bane cantharides , aureum pomona , of th' hesperides . with these ( or such like bug-beare words as these ) they 'le fright a sound man into a disease , and often put a sicke man in such fits , that he falls quite besides his little wits . but leaving such impostures as these be , the scorne of physicke , and chyrurgery , a swarme of vipers , of so vile desert , so empty of experience , wit , and art , that all their learn'd and over-boasted skills , th'affore said posts doe weare in printed bills . and when unto the world it doth appeare , they can doe halfe the cures they promise there ; i for my writing will repent , and mourne , and beg forgivenesse ; and my satyre burne . . satyre . the alchimist now shall my flagging muse a while persist , and blaze the honour of the alchimist ; fire , water , aire , earth , to us presents , the names and natures of foure elements : but alchimy ( prepoiterously ) doth strive to multiply those elements to five : from ioves and mercuries quicke influence , the alcimist will draw a quintessence ; with which extraction he a stone will mould , that shall turne tin , brasse , steele , & lead , to gold . he doth professe that stone shall lengthen health , prolong our lives , give us aboundant wealth : but divers wealthy men his skill have try'd , and as they fooles did live , they beggers dy'd . could he helpe others he would helpe himselfe , to that impossible ne're purchast pelfe ; for commonly he 's in a greasie coate , old hat and boots , and cannot change a groat : yet promiseth with more gold to possesse us , than romane cressus had , or lidian cressus . but yet from these his golden hopes to feed , he borrowes mony still to serve his need : he daily tries new-found experiments , soape , stibium , salt , and such ingredients as is argentum vive ; ordure , urin , coales , crusibles , lead , allom , poysonous vermin , for he hath guelded all the philosophers , and with their onely stone hee 'le fill our coffers . the ridling and sophisticated names are most mysterious dog-tricks , or may-games ; for when the furnace , or the crusible , begins to worke , or seeme conducible , he calls it the greene lyon , and anon , as soone as that first foame is presto , gone ; then bubbles up the fleeing heart apace , to whom the fleeing eagle straight gives chase : next master alchimist puts in his toole , and then amaine huffs up the dauncing foole. the dragons tayle mounts next in fog and froath , and next the swolne toade , in a bumble-broath : last comes the crowes head , ( ugly blacke to see ) . more blacke ten times than any blacke can be . then mounts the fume unto the azure skye , and straight drops downe the seale of mercury ; and presently the golden worke is done , ( almost as neare as when 't was first begun ) for then the stone invisibly doth fall , which ( if he could but see ) would make us all . but least we chance to see it and not know it , what private markes it beares i le plainely shew it ; the substance of it is nor fire , nor water , nor earth , or aire , nor elementall matter ; it hath no shape or collour , nor is fram'd like any thing that is unnam'd , or nam'd : 't is neither light , or heavy , soft , nor hard , nor sharpe , or blunt , flat , ovall , round , or squar'd : it is not sweet , nor doth it stinke out-right , 't is not unpleasing , yet gives no delight . this is the stone which many men desire , and he that finds it shall have for his hire twelve hogs-heads fill'd ; and . buckets , of peices , royalls , nobles , and of duckets : thus to its owne and unknowne worth alone , i leave this sterrill ( gold begetting ) stone . . satyre . the hypocrite . and now my muse hath got an appetite , to touch a little of the hypocrite ; but let not any reader thinke that i the name of knowing zeale doe villifie : for these my lines shall not touch any man , that ( wrong ) doth beare the náme of puritan ; no doubt , but many people well affected , ( are with that ieering title much dejected ) who will not sweare or lye presumptuously , and when they erre , they erre unwillingly ; who would be just in all they doe or say , and know the sunday from a common day ; who are conformable to church and state , and have no minds to change or innovate : who in their callings labour , and take paine , and will doe no man wrong for earthly gaine : who doe ( for conscience sake ) obey command , and deale no further then they understand ; whose faiths are known by workes , & doing good , such men are of a blessed brother-hood . some such there are , whose number is too small , and happy were all men to be so all . for when the ruffian , or prophane wretch sweares abusing god and man , with scoffes and ieeres if one that 's civill mildly doe reprove them , the divell their tutor presently doth move them to be in choller ; straight to sweare and ban , and call an honest man a puritan : and thus some rascalls hold no man in price , except he be excusive given to vice ; but those i meane are such , whose holy fits , approves them to be haire-brain'd hypocrits : who with a heav'd up hand , and white of eye will doe a man a mischiefe zealously : they 'le pray for pardons for sins done and past , praise temperance , yet will sooner hang than fast ; and on religious points will stand most stoutly , and in conclusion cozen men devoutly . their best opinions are like weather-cockes , their wits are vapours , and their heads are blocks ; their braines are puft , & stuft with windy bubbles , their concord's discord , & their peace is troubles . caine sacrific'd , and iesabell did fast , prince absolom some silly fooles embrac'd ; so iudas kist , when as to kill he meant , so pilate wash'd , yet was corruptly bent : so annanias brought his faigned gift , so sathan alledg'd scripture for a shift . these were all hypocrites , and so are they that wrest , to serve god the contrary way . for many a soule ( by them prevented ) wanders in misty laborinths , and crook'd meanders : one would have this , and th' other would have that and most of them would have they know not what for were we bound unto their approbation , we should have a mad fashion'd congregation . nor doe i thinke it meete the church should crave their wisedoms counsell , what is fit to have , their long tantologie , extemporary prating , their babling repetitions , oft repeating , are but meere froath , without pith , weake , ungrounded , and these have many a conscience prick'd , and wounded ; for they will turne a wind-mill to a cow , and of a rotten cloake-bag make a plow . ixion , so his time in vaine did wast , when ( stead of iuno ) he a cloud embrac'd ; upon which cloud the centaures be begot , and such strange monsters breeds their zeale so hot : or like the fellow in a moone-shine night , saw in a pond or poole , her likenesse bright ; and riding in to give his mare some drinke , the moone behind a coale-black cloud did shrink : he ( being drunke ) began to storme and stare , and swore the moone was swallow'd by his mare . such are their reall arguments , and such are all their points wherein they stand so much : they most dispute whereas their cheere is b●…st , and ( in plum-broath ) they church & state detest : of sacred scriptures ( bet wixt every bit ) they coyne interpretations with their wit ; these seperatists , the alchimists would play , and turne our golden peace to drosse or clay . 't is not their organizing in the nose , their hate to verse , or love to tedious prose : their seorne , like dust that 's cast against the wind , which in their blind eyes fals & makes more blind for envy 's like an arrow shot upright , which on the shooters heads with danger light . thus they by owle-light still doe misse the marke , and like poore currs against the moone they barke : for sure small credit to that man belongs that can be wrong'd , with bablers pens or tongues . awake my muse , shake off this filthy scum , these dreggs , who altogether are a summe of many simples and ingredients ; of innovating disobedience . i wish them all with holinesse endow'd , to be more knowing zealous , and lesse proud : and as for their good sakes these lines are pend , i leave them either to amend or end . . satyre . the whoore. i le tell thee who 's a whoore ; that thing 's a whoore which whilst men most embrace they most abhorre , priz'd in the heate of blood , at costly rate , a dish we feed on , surfet , and then hate : they trafficke for diseases , wast their youth in woefull riot ; without wit , or truth . they sell their soules an heritage to win , an heritage in hell , deare bought with sin : put case they compasse age ; what 's their reward ? th' are old , poore , scorn'd , & beg without regard . they would repent them , then know not the way ; such are all whoores , who wilfully doe stray : there hath bin whoors much honour'd , whoores of state ; who bought damnation at a deare , deare rate : and 't is a difference , which offendeth more , either a coached , or a carted whoore ? ●…omprous whore may rustle some small time ; ●…t state and pompe extenuates no crime . . satyre . of degenerate honour . honour is not compil'd in ranke , or file , or measure , for no man hath reacht that stile but by supernall favour ; and from thence true honour hath it's onely influence : for s●…rdanapulus was mighty once , yet by voluptious frailty was a dunce : then what an asse is he that hath a state either by his inheritance , or fate , and squanders it , and dribbles it away , to be his honours and his house decay : he that would be a gentleman compleat , should every way seeke to be good as great ; and he that is not so , himselfe doth plunge , and is the curse of man , and satans spunge : of fatterers he may have a mighty shole , and in the world may boare a mighty hole ; and when he sinkes into that hole he bore●… , he dyes unpittied ; no man him deplores . god is true honour-giver , and will still defend it with his eviternall will. and let the sacred sisters all fore-fend , that any word should from my muse be pend that may be tooke a misse ; for i perswade my selfe , that none will kick , except a jade : i know i play the foole in every line , but no wise man will set his wit to mine ; nor let a scholler to a sculler be an opposite , though different in degree ; for though i touch'd at damned pride before , perhaps i should be proud if i had more . i blame the man that 's covetous , but why ? because i want his precious treasury . i jeere the quack-salver , and mountebanke , alas i cannot reach unto their ranke . i scoffe the maund ring knave , and alchimist , yet i ( perhaps ) would faine doe what i list . i mocke the hypocrite , yet i confesse i ( hypocrittically ) still transgresse : and i am stark naught , so that tongue nor pen , can make me better than the worst of men . finis . a piece of friar bacons brazen-heads prophesie. by william terilo [terilo, william]. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a piece of friar bacons brazen-heads prophesie. by william terilo [terilo, william]. breton, nicholas, ?- ? aut [ ] p. printed by t. c[reede] for arthur iohnson, dwelling in powles church-yard, at the signe of the white horse, london : . william terilo is a pseudonym. in verse. on the decline of manners from the golden age. probably by nicholas breton--stc. printer's name from stc. signatures: a² b-e⁴. reproduction of the original in the bodleian library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities 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and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . england -- social conditions -- th century -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a i piece of friar bacons brazen-heads prophesie . by william terilo . viressit vvlnere veritas tc printer's or publisher's device london printed by t. c. for arthur iohnson , dwelling in powles church-yard , at the signe of the white horse , . to the reader . gentle reader , is such a stale title to put vpon you , that not knowing your disposition to this same vniuersal gentlenes , and perhaps at this time , so ful of melancholy , as maks you vnfit for any such kindnes : i had rather say , you that read , if you haue so much idle time to passe away , as may be somewhat better then lost , in perusing this change , or rather dreame of the change of times , i pray you for this time to haue patience , and if an other time in this you take pleasure , i will as i can take a time to run a better course to your contentment . friar bacons brazen head , was said ( in lest ) to haue spoken of three times : the time was , the time is , and time shall be : now for my selfe , i cannot goe so farre : what was , at least of late , i haue a litle read , heard , and vnderstood ▪ of the time presēt i only dreamed : but of what ●s to come , i can say nothing : and therefore making no chronicle of the first , and onely shewing my dreame of the second , i will make no prophesie of the third , but leaue all to gods pleasure : and so , leauing you to iudge of all times as you haue reason , i take my leaue of you at this time : but rest at all times . your friend as i find cause and time , william terilo . aa a piece of friar bacons brazen-heads prophesie . time was , time is . when i was but a boye and plaide with little girles : and more esteem'd a toye then pretious stones , or pearles , then natures loue , that knew no pride , with litle would be satisfide . then friends would not fall out , but soone fall in againe : when none would goe about to laie a wicked traine : but kindnesse was in such request , that malice knew not where to rest . content was then a king , although he ware no crowne : and t was a wondrous thing would make a mayden frowne , when t was no litle grace to nature for to be call'd a gentle creature . the milke-maydes paile was sweete , the shepheards cloake was cleane : and when their loues did meete , they did no falshood meane . while truth did in their passions try , there could not passe a thought awry . then obseruation found the passage of those partes : where reason laide the ground of all experience artes. while loue was rulde by grace , to seeke his spirits resting place . then praise grew of desert , desert of true conceit : whose tongue was in the hart , that could not hide deceit . but he or she , was held a fiend , that would be false vnto a friend . then shepheards knew the times and seasons of the yeare : and made their honest rimes , in mirth , and merry cheare . and sim and su , would kindly kisse , when nothing could be ment amisse . then sheepes eyes were not watcht , that lambes did waking keepe : and when the hen had hatcht , the chickens might goe peepe . when snares were set , both day & night , to hang the buzzard , and the kite . the henne , the goose , the ducke , might cackle , creake , and quacke : when not an owle would plucke a feather from her backe : except she crowed , or would not laie , then roast her on a holy day . the butchers then would keepe their flesh from blowing flies : and maidens would not sleepe , but in the morning rise , and hunt a flea so in the bed , he knew not where to hide his head . then neither wolfe nor foxe , but that did feare the hound : nor greatest headed oxe but to the yoake was bound : nor drawing tit , but knew who there , nor asse , but did his burthen beare . then oates were knowne from rie , and barley from the wheate : a cheese cake and a pie , were held good country meate . when ale and spice , and curdes , and creame , would make a scholler make a theame . and then when wooers met , it was a sport to see how soone the match was set , how well they did agree : when that the father gaue the childe , and then the mother sat and smilde . delaies were then like death to any kinde desire : when no man spent his breath to be no whit the nigher . but truth & trust so deerly loued , that what th' one did , th' other proued . then cocke a doodle doo , the houre 's diuided right : and olde to whit to whoo did watch the winter night . and in the springs the nightingale did tell the woods a merry tale. then beetels could not liue vpon the hony bees : but they the drones would driue vnto the doted trees . when he that wrought not till he sweate , vvas held vnworthy of his meate . then were no pitfalls made but in the frost and snowe : nor vvoodcocks in the glade could by the springes goe . and not a bird that bare a winge , but that would stoope vnto his winge . then russet cloth and frize did walke the world about : and no man would despise the inside for the out : but he that paide for what he spent , vvas welcome where so ere he went. then were there no deuises to draw on fond desires : but chapmen knew the prices , the sellers and the buyers : and simple truthe no cunning vsde , how simple trust might be abusde . the markets then were seru'd , vvith good sufficient ware : and cattell were not staru'de vvhen mowcher and his mare vvould bring in such a sacke of rie , as tried the millers honestie . then iohn , and ioane , and madge , were call'd the merry crew : that with no drinke could fadge , but where the fat they knew . and though they knew who brew'd the ale , yet must it stand till it were stale . then was good fellowship almost in euery house : she would not hang the lip , he would not knit the browes : but he would smirke , and she would smile , that all the house would laugh the while . then handkerchers were wrought , with names , and true loues knots : and not a wench was taught a false stitch in her spots . when roses in the gardaines grew , and not in ribons , on a shoe . then painting only seru'de , for paper , wood , and cloth : when health was most preseru'de , by labour , not by sloth . when fewe that did of phisicke heare , but they were striken with a feare . then he that heard of warre was in a wofull case : except it were so farre he could not feare the place . when peace and plentie were so sweete , as trode all fortunes vnder feete . the taber and the pipe , the bagpipe and the crowde : when oates and rye were ripe , began to be alowde . but till the haruest all was in , the moris daunce did not begin . a citie from a towne , then by his wall was seene : and none did weare a crowne , but either king , or queene : and euer vpon easter day , all iack a lents were cast away . then cloakes were for the raine , and feathers but for beddes : sheepes russet would not staine , there were no greenes nor reddes : carnation , crimson , yealow , blew , plaine people no such colours knew . the horse , the cowe , the hogge , were kept for worke and wealth : the pus-cat and the dogge , for safegard from the stealth : of rats & mise , and wolfe , and foxe , when fewe had keyes vnto their lockes . then owles nor night rauens were , no tellers of ill happes : when faith had neuer feare of any thunder-clappes : but looke what weather euer came , was welcome in gods holy name . then monkies , baboones , apes , and such il-fauour'd creatures , of such straunge fashion'd shapes were hatefull to our natures : when who heard tell but of a beare , but he could scarcely sleepe for feare . no parat , pie , nor dawe , was idely taught to prate : nor scarce a man of lawe was knowne in all the state . while neighbors so like friends agreede , that one supplide an others neede . the shepheard kept his sheepe , the goat-heard kept his heard : and in the sunne would sleepe , when were no vermin fear'd ; for euery curre would barke or bite , to put the wicked foxe to flight . and then a good grey frocke , a kercheffe , and a raile : a faire white flaxen smocke , a hose with a good waile . a good strong leatherd winter shoe , was well iwis , and better too . then iwis , well , goe too , were words of no small worth : when folkes knew what to doo to bring their meanings forth . and winke , and nod , and hem , & humme , could bring my finger to my thumbe . no cutting of a carde , nor cogging of a dye : but it was wholy barde all honest company : and faire square plaie with yea and naie , who lost the game would quickly paie . no matches then were set for yonger brothers landes : nor vsurers could get mens goods into their handes : but such as had their wittes awake , could smell a knaue before he spake . and hardly in a yeere a man should meete a thiefe : when corne was nere so deere but poore folkes had reliefe : and wickednes was loath'd so much , that no man lou'd the tickle tuch . then loue went not by lookes , vvherein laie venim hid : nor words were angle-hookes , vvhen men knew that they did , but honest hearts , and modest eies , did make the louers paradise . but now that world is changde , and time doth alter creatures : vvhose spirits are estrang'de from their owne proper natures : vvhile wofull eyes may weepe , to see how all things are , and what they bee . now euery idle boye that sells his land for pearles : fsteemes his wealth a toye , to giue to idle girles : vvhile gracelesse loue , in natures pride , vvith sinne is neuer satisfide . now friends do oft fall out , but seelde fall in againe : vvhile many goe about to laie a wicked traine : vvhere malice is so in request , that kindnes knowes not where to rest . content is now vnknowne , in either king or clowne : a sight too common showne , to see a mayden frowne : vvhen she is held a foolish creature , that shewes to be of gentle nature . the milke-maydes paile is sowre , the shepheards cloake vncleane : vvhere loue hath not the power to finde what fancies meane : vvhile faith doth so much falshood proue , that many lye , which say they loue . now obseruation findes by all experience artes : how machauilian mindes do plaie the diuels partes : vvhile loue ( alas ) hath little grace in worshipping a wicked face . now praise must follow pride , and flattery wayt on wealth : and tongues to silence tide , except it be by stealth : while he or she that cannot faine , must die a friends-ships foole in graine . the seasons of the yeere the shepheards do not know : vvhile mirth and merry cheere to griefe and sorrow grow : vvhile if a couple kindly kisse , the third thinkes somewhat is amisse . now sheepes-eies are so watcht , that lambes can hardly sleepe : for when the henne hath hatcht , ere well the chicken peepe : the buzzard and the kite so pray , that halfe the brood is stolne away . no butcher now can keepe his flesh from blowing flies : and maydes will lie and sleepe , that doe not loue to rise : while euery bedde so swarmes with fleas , i wonder how they lie at ease . how neither wolfe nor foxe , but can beguile the hound : nor gallant headed oxe , will to a yoake be bound : nor drawing tit , but skornd who there , nor asse , that will his burthen beare . wheate , barly , oates , and rie , so like are in the blade : that many a simple eye , may soone a foole be made : while curdes , and creame , and ale , and spice , will bring out but a poore deuice . now cockes dare scarcely crow , for feare the foxe doe heare : nor shriche-owle but will show , that winter time is neare : and philomens amid the spring , so feares the worme , shee cannot sing . and now when louers meete , it is a griefe to see : how heauily they greete , and how they disagree : while that the fathers eies are blinde , and that the mother is vnkinde . delaies to neere disdaine , doe feede vpon desire : and breath is spent in vaine , where hopes are nere the nigher : while truth and trust haue too much proued they hardly find wher to be loued now humble bees can liue vpon the hony bees : that not a drone dare driue , vnto the doted trees : while he that workes not for his meate , vvill liue vpon anothers sweate . now pitfalls are so made , that small birdes cannot know them : no vvoodcockes in a glade , but netts can ouerthrow them : and not a paltry carrion kite , but braues a faulcon in his flight . now veluet , cloth of gold , and silkes of highest price : doth make the good free-holde , chaung title with a trice : while he that spends and will not pay , is welcome , when he is away . now wordes of strange deuises , doe cheate vpon desires : while cunning sellers prices , doe cosen simple buiers : while truth is all so sildome vsed , that honest trust is much abused . the markets now are saru'de with much vnsauery ware : and cattell often staru'de , when that the millers mare can scarcely bring a sacke of rie , that one may be a sauer by . now iohn and ioane , and madge , can make no merry crue : the baily with his badge , so braues it in his blue : none dare discharge a carier , for feare of maister officier . and now from euery house good fellowship is gone : and scarce a silly mouse , findes crummes to feede vpon : while , lowre , and poute , and chafe and champe , brings all the household in a dampe . now clockes are for the sunne , and feathers for the winde : sheepes russet to home spunne , while a fantasticke minde must haue a colour strange and rare , to make a mad man stand and stare . the horse , the cowe , the hogge , are chiefely kept for breed : the puscat , and the dogge , to keepe the plough-mans feede : while not a locke but hath a kay : for feare the cupboord runne away . now owles and night-rauens are ill fortunes prophecies : vvhen faithlesse spirits stare , if any storme arise : and if the weather be not faire , vvhy fooles are almost in dispaire . now monkies , baboones , apes , are taught to pranke and prance : vvhile many a wizard gape , to see a monster dance : and not a woman that will feare , to see the baiting of a beare . now parats , pies and dawes , are finely taught to prate : and worldes of men of lawe , are needfull in the state : where neighbours liue so vnlike friends , that men would iudge them to be fiends . and now a satten gowne , a petticoate of silke : a fine wrought bugle crowne , a smocke as white as milke : a colour'de hose , a pincked shooe , vvill scarcely make a tit come too . now as god iudge my soule , besides my faith , and troth : on euery wassell bowle , is thought a simple oth : vvhile stampe and stare , and clapping handes , will scarce make vp a beggers bandes . now sempsters few are taught , the true sticht in their spots : and names are sildome wrought , within the true loues knots : and ribon roses take such place , that garden roses want their grace . now painting serues for faces , to make the fowle seeme faire : and health in many places , must not abide the aire : and few that haue bene bit with fleas , but runne to phisicke for their ease . now warre makes many rich , that else had bene but poore : and makes a souldiour itch , till he haue scratcht a boore : for peace and plenty breed such pride , as poore mens fortunes cannot bide . the taber and the pipe , are now out of request : and ere the rie be ripe , the bird will leaue the nest : and moris dances doe begin , before the haruest halfe be in . now many a townes mud wall , doth put a citty downe : and mistresse finicall , doth weare a bugle crowne : and many a rascall mall-content , will make his easter day in lent. now cogge and foist that list , vvho will that wit gaine say , that learnes fooles had i wist : that will and cannot play , while faire , and square , and pitch , and pay : the gamster calls fooles holy-day . now worldes of matches set , for elder brothers landes : and vsury doth get , great wealth into her hands : while he that will not watch a knaue , may bring a begger to his graue . now hardly in a day , but one shall meete a thiefe : where wealth is hid away , and poore haue no reliefe : and wickednes is vsde so much , as who but loues the tickle tuch . now loue goes so by lookes , men know not what they doo : and wordes are poisned hookes , that catch , and kill men too : while wicked hartes and wanton eies make hell in steed of paradice . now surely thus it is , it is a wonderfull change : where all goes so amisse , or else my dreame is strange : that shew'de me such a world of wo ▪ but god forbid it should be so . for dreames are idle things , and surely so is this : for true apparance brings , no proofe of such amisse : but euery thing in such good course , as god forbid it should be worse . for louers must be kinde , and neighbours must be friends : and when the folkes haue dinde , set vp the puddings ends : for t is an ancient rule in truth , that thristines is good in youth . olde men must haue their saying , and rich men must haue place : sutors must bide delaying , and children must say grace : and thiefes must hang and knaues must shift , and silly fooles must haue the lift . and lawe must speake , wit iudge , men liue vntill thy die : and snot must be a snudge , and loue haue leaue to lie : and wretches worke , and wantons play , and who can holde that will away ? and wagges must sing , and dance , and gamsters plot for gaine : who likes not of his chance , take by to helpe the maine : for he that walkes without a head , may quickly bring a foole to bed . women must haue their wills , though men would say them nay : some are such needfull ills , they cannot be away : and he that giues the humme a hemme , vvill sometimes fall aboord with them . the horse must haue his hay , the dogge must haue a bone : the ducke must haue a bay , the hawke must haue a stone ▪ and ihon must not be kept from ioane , for loue can neuer liue alone . and therefore thus in briefe , let peace endure no strife : let no man offer griefe , vnto his neighbours wife : let faire play passe through euery hand , and let him fall that cannot stand . let god be seru'd , obai'd , the king both seru'd and lou'de : church honoured , duties paide , mallice from mindes remou'de : and it may hap to come to passe , to be as well as ere it was . and blessed were the daies , if so the world did goe : that wit a thousand waies , might reasons comfort knowe . whil birds might sing , & men might speak , and malice might no musicke breake . that eyes might looke their fill , vvords might be vncontrold : and art might haue the skill , to find the stone for gold : and iealous eyes might all be blinde , that ouerlooke an honest minde . that wealth should haue her grace , in liberalitie : and honour giue a place , to euery qualitie : vvhile panders , iesters , fooles , and knaues , might walke about like silly slaues . a word might be a band , vvhere needles were an oth : vvhile yea and nay might stand , in steed of faith and troth : and tuch , and take , and pitch , and pay , might driue all cunning tricks away . a winke , a nod , a smile , might shew the iudgement iust , vvhere truth could not beguile , her honest meaning trust : but one in two , and two in one , might make the merry world alone . that quarrels might not grow of swaggering , nor quaffing : but who begins heigh ho ! might set the house a laughing : vvhen not a thought of villany might come in honest company . and gossips might be merry and tattle when they meete : and cheekes as red as cherry , might shew the wine is sweete : vvhen louers are in talke so sad , as if thy were alreadie had . power should be fearde for grace , and lawe obeyd for loue : and vertue take her place , in highest hopes behoue : and wisedome only honour god , and so should sinne be ouertrod . nought should be scornde but folly , nor in regard but reason : and nothing lou'de , but holy , and nought in hate but treason : and nought but slaunder banged , and nought but murther hanged . and then the world were well , but when will it be so ? ( alas ) i cannot tell , and therefore let it goe : and as god will , so let it bee , it shall be as it list for mee . let euery man mend one , and i will not be out : and lohn be good to ioane , or else he is a lout : and peter weaue , what parnell spunne , good night iohn line , and i haue donne . finis . abuses stript, and whipt. or satirical essayes. by george wyther. diuided into two bookes wither, george, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) abuses stript, and whipt. or satirical essayes. by george wyther. diuided into two bookes wither, george, - . [ ] p. printed by g. eld, for francis burton, and are to be solde at his shop in pauls church-yard, at the signe of the green-dragon, at london : . in verse. signatures: a-x (-a , ). in this edition a r line of text has: whome. reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. some print show-through; some pages tightly bound. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . epigrams, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - rina kor sampled and proofread - rina kor text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion abvses stript , and whipt . or satirical essayes . by george wyther . diuided into two bookes 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 . dispise not this what ere i seeme in showe , a foole to purpose speaks sometime you know . at london , printed by g. eld , for francis bvrton , and are to be solde at his shop in pauls church-yard , at the signe of the green-dragon . . to him-selfe , g. w. wisheth all hapinesse . thou ( euen my selfe ) whome next god , my prince , and country i am most engaged vnto ; it is not vnlikelie , but some will wonder , why , contrary to the worlds custome , i haue made choyse of thy patronage for this booke , rather then the protection of such whose mightinesse might seeme better able to defend it ; especially considering such a gigantick troupe of aduersaries haue banded themselues against the truth , that one of them goliah-like dares raile vpon a whole hoast of israel . it may be ( i say ) some will wonder , and some scoffe at mee for it ; for which cause ( though to answer them with sic volo had been sufficient : yet to shew i will not like our great ones stand so much vpon my authority as to make my vvill my reason ) i heere let you know why , and for what causes i haue done it ; the first is this : i could not amongst all men finde any man , in my opinion , so fitting for this purpose , but either my worke was vnworthy , or too worthie his patronage . secondly , it is said ; obsequium amicos , veritas odium parit : and i doubting my free speech would hardly make a diapason , pleasing to the eare of a common mecaenas , thought it best to hold my tong , or speake to my selfe , whose disposition i am better acquainted with . thirdly , seeing i know but what men appeare , and not what they are ; i had rather indure the kites tyranny , then with aesops doues make the sparrow-hauke my champion . fourthly , if i haue spoken truth it is able to defend it selfe ; if not , who-ere be my patron , it is i must answere for it . fiftly , for asmuch as i know my owne minde best ; i purpose , if need be , to become my own aduocate . sixtly , for my owne sake i first made it , and therefore certaine i am i my selfe haue most right vnto it . but seauently , and lastly ( which is indeed the principal reason ) i haue made this dedication to thee , poore world-despised selfe ; euen to put thee in minde , ( seeing thou hast here boldly begun to bid defiance to the flesh , and vpon iust causes quarrelled with the world ) that thou take heed to thine owne words , and not through basenes of minde or vntowardnes of fortune ( to thy euerlasting disgrace ) faintly giue ouer so noble a combate ; if euer aduersitie ( as t is like enough ) oppresse thee , yet remember thy owne sayings , and in despight of outward destinies haue a care to keepe an vndeiected heart still free for vertue . or on the contrary , if euer ( as t is vnlikely ) vnexpected prosperity bee cast vpon thee , then look to thy selfe , take to thee this poore booke of thine , wherein thou shalt see the dangers of it , and be , perhaps , thereby staid from many a perilous enterprise , which that estate might else driue thee into . reade it , weekely , daily , yea and howerly toe : what though it bee thine owne ? thou knowest mans nature to bee so vncertaine , and prone to forgetfulnesse , euen in the best things , that thou canst not haue too many memorandums . the wisest fall , and therefore euery day was philip desirous to bee remembred that hee was a man ; thou thinkest i know , still to remaine what thou art , i desire in some things thou maist , but vnlesse thou labour it with diligent watchfulnesse ouer affection , it is at least much to be doubted , if not altogether to bee despaired of ; thou hast seene many by an alteration in their estate beene so metamorphosed , as if they were not the same men , nor of that nation . nay remember it , thou thy selfe , and that but vpon a bare hope , or imagination of some preferment , hast bin puffed vp and exalted aboue measure : consider now then how much more thou hadst beene so and what had become of thee if god had not by dashing those hopes called thee to thy selfe againe ? alas ! if hee had answered thy ambitious expectations to thy desire , thou hadst bin by this time past recouerie and not thought of this ; but delighted in villany , bin ouer-mastered by passion , rusht into all vanity and presumption ; yet neuer felt any danger , till it were too late to preuent it ▪ thou hast oft wisht thou hadst bin borne to the like means that others are , which might it haue beene so , now thou seest thou shouldst hardly , or neuer , haue come to the knowledge of those things , that are now showne thee . t is true , thou hast lamented to be crost in thy preferments , but thou seest since that it might haue been thy vndoing if it had not beene so , and maist perswade thy selfe , whether it be now or neuer , it will be to thy good . for tell me , hast thou not often felt , euen when thou wert busiest to preuent them ; fond loue , ambition , reuenge , couetousnesse and such like passions then to inuade thee ? hast thou perceiued it i say ? how much more then would they haue beene ready to assaile thee , when quite forgetting them , thou hadst wholly addicted thy self to the things of this world ? let mee aduise my deare-selfe then , to make vse of this thine owne worke , it will be better to thee then all the world : for this good it may do thee , and to this end i made both ●t and the dedication thereof to thee , that if euer hereafter the temptations of the world , the flesh & the diuel , or any occasion should make thee to forget this mind that thou art now in : or so blind thy vnderstanding thou shouldst not perceiue thy owne and the worlds follies as thou now dost ; that if thou shouldst be in that miserable state as many are , to haue no feeling of thy danger : that if thou shouldst bee wofully flattered and haue no friend that dares , or loues thee so well to put thee in mind of thy transgressions . then i haue ordained this to shew thee what once thou wert , to touch thee againe with the feeling of thy miseries , and to bee vnto thee that true friend , which , free from all faigned inuention , shal plainely tell thee , what perhaps should else haue neuer beene brought againe to thy remembrance . looke then that for thy owne sake thou respect this , how euer to others it may seeme a trifle . bee carefull of thy actions , for seeing thou knowest the dangerous passions wherevnto man is subiect , hast showne his vanities , layed open his weakenesse , and sharpely taxed his presumptions : if now thou shouldest wilfully runne thy selfe into the same euilles , the vvorld would vpraid● thee , this booke , yea thy conscience accuse thee , god and good-men hate thee , thy fault be more odious and in-excusable , thy iudgement more seuere , and which is worst , thy punishment most intollerable ; i say seeke therefore ( if for no other cause ) so to carry thy selfe , that at least thou maist haue a good conscience before god , for si deus tecum quis contrate , but if now hauing made the world thine enemie , exposed thy selfe to the malice thereof , and hauing so many legions of foes without thee , thou shouldest also , by thy negligence , suffer the inuincible fortresse of a sound conscience to be crazed within thee , the di●ell , that is alway watching such aduantages , would quickly possesse it with an vnmercifull troupe of horrors , feares , and desperations , that without gods miraculous assistance thou wouldest grow wholly past either comfort or recouery . for all the world cannot defend thee against thy conscience , but that beeing with hee , thou maist preuaile against all the world. beware then , doe not like the zibe●hum yeeld a perfume to sweeten others and be thy selfe a stinking vermine , but let this thy owne worke bee first confirmed by thy life and conuersation , yea let it be a president to thy selfe , for , tan●i erit aliis quanti tibi fuerit , but if not , i say if the world mis-esteeme either it or thee , yet doe not thou therefore esteeme the lesse either of thy booke or of thy selfe , but rather let them know that thou hast learned , still thy care , shal be , a rush for him , that cares a straw for thee . but now , though for these and diuers oother reasons , i haue to thee my owne-selfe committed the protection , and made the dedication of this booke , yet my meaning is not that thou shouldst keepe it wholly to thine owne vse ; but rather seeing it is honourable to giue , ( though none will giue thee any thing ) i haue bestowne this o● thee , that if thou canst in this corrupted age , finde any , whom desert , and thy loue may make so deare vnto thee , or whom● thou art perswaded will gratifie , or but thinke well of thy honest endeauours , thou maist bee liberall to them both of these thy labours and expences . but this i coniure thee to ; be they neuer so great yet flatter not , or if he be a man whom thou knowest the world speakes any way iustly ill of ; either tell him his fault , or leaue him wholly out of thy catalogue : but because i begin to grow tedious to my owne-selfe , and since i shall haue opportunity enough to consider with thee what is further needfull without an epistle , with my prayers for my prince , my country , my friends , and my ●wne prosperitie , without any leaue taking , or commendations of my selfe ; i heartily wish my owne soule to fare-well . thy princes , thy countries , thy friends , and thine i. thine owne whilst reason masters affection . geo. wither . to the reader . readers ; i speake to you that haue vnderstanding ; when these first fruits of my conuerted muses , shall come to your iudicious censures , do not look for spencers , or daniels wel composed numbers ; or the deep conceits of now florishing iohnson ; no ; say t is honest plain matter , & there 's as much as i look for . if i haue seem'd to err in any thing suppose me not so obstinate , or wel conceited of my own opinions , but that i may be perswaded by any that shal produce stronger reasons to the contrary . if any thing may seeme to haue a doubtfull interpretation , assure your selues the honestest meaning in it is mine , and although some may think i haue not so wel ioyned things together as i might haue done , i know whē you haue considered the nature of the subiect , & the diuersity of things therin hādled , you wil accept my good wil & let my yeeres be an excuse for that & al other ignorant ouer-sights whatsoeuer . some no doubt will mistake my plainnes , in that i haue so bluntly spoken what i haue obserued , without any poeticall additions or fained allegories , i am sorry i haue not pleased them therein , but should haue been more sorry if i had displeased my selfe in doing otherwise ; for i know if i had wrapt vp vy meaning , in dark riddles , i should haue been more applauded and lesse vnderstood , which i nothing desire . i neither feare nor shame to speake the trurh , and therefore haue nakedly thrust it forth without a couering . to what end were it , if i ( as some do ) had appareld my mind in darke parables , that few or none might haue vnderstood mee ? i should doe better to be silent ; but if it be more in request i may hereafter be obscure enough , yet in this t is not my meaning , for indeed , if i knew how , my desire is to be so plaine , that the bluntest iobernole might vnderstand mee . our grand-villaines care not for a secret ierk ; well wee may shew an honest wit in couertly nipping them ; but either 't is in vaine cause they perceiue it not , or else ridiculous , seeing they only vnderstand it who will but either malice or flout vs for our labors . many may dislike the harshnes of the verse but you know , although it be not stately , yet it we enough befits the matter , and whereas i may seem blame-worthy in mixing diuinity with humanity : yet when you haue found my generall ayme ; considered with what reuerent respect i haue done it , and what commendable authorities i may haue for it , i nothing misdoubt your approbation . those things which concerne my selfe , may seeme childish , nothing pleasing , but you must consider i had a care to please my selfe aswel as others ; and if the world blame mee as to sawcy with her , 't is for want of manners , but her owne fault , that would allow mee no better education . to bee briefe , if i haue any way offended i am so well perswaded you wil mildly conster my errors and infirmities , that i rest wholly , and onely on your sound and incorrupted iudgements . * but* readers ; i meane you that are no more but readers ; i make no question if this book come to your spelling , it will haue many halting verses , and disioynted sentenses : for i haue had experience of your insufficiencie : yet haue i striu'd to bee for your sakes i tell you ( because i would if it were possible bee vnderstood ) as plaine ( as they say ) as a pack-saddle , and now the doubt is then fooles will ride me . if they doe certainly , i shall be rough & vneasie for their tendernes . though you vnderstand them not yet because you see this wants some fine phrases & flourishes , as you find other mens writings stuft withal , perhaps you wil iudge me vnlearned . wel ; and right enough . yet you will be counted but saucy coblers to go beyond your lasts . and if that be a fault did not the subiect and your ignorances , require me to be in that sort faulty ? i could with ease haue amended it , for it cost me ( i protest ) more labour to obserue this plainenesse then if i had more poetically trim'd ii , but for feare if i speake much , i confound your memories , i will say no more but this , read and welcome , but censure not , for your iudgement is weake and i vtterly renounce it . valete george wither . to time. epigr. . now swift-deuouring , bald and ill fac't time , dost not thou blush to see thy selfe vncloak't ? oh that i knew but how to laugh in rime ? faith i would do it though thou wisht me choakt . did'st thou but see how thy faire antique shape , is now transformed to a shapelesse hew : how like thou look'st to some barbarian ape , could'st thou i say with me thine owne selfe view thou wouldst be metamorphosed anew , run quite away , and either all amend , or wish thy selfe and all things at an end . and yet dispaire not time , though thou art ill ; the worst that euer yet was knowne to be , t is not ordain'd thou shouldst remaine so still , for i my selfe this age do hope to see : the gloriou'st work that euer time brought forth , the master-peece , and the most noble act ; in the respect of which 't were nothing worth if all the braue deeds done were but one fact , romes fall i meane ; i heard it when it crack't . yea from my cradle i did still surmize ; i should see babell tumble bethell rise , epig . . i heare there 's some aske how i dare so plaine tax the abuses that i now see raigne , i muse as much they dare say ill vnto it , or dare but aske , but how i dare to doe it . to the stranger . thou that wert so vnhappy first , to breath , without the compasse of great brittans powe● and blest againe that fate did thee bequeath , the knowledge of so rich a tongue as our . if vnderstanding thou dost hap to read , this booke wherein thou seest my nations sham● yet do not thou against my country plead , for thine thou know'st doth merit as much blame our faults are many , this indeed is true ; but were they moe , we were no worse then you . to the satyro-mastix . . oh lord sir y' are deceiu'd i 'me none of tho●● that write in anger , or malicious spleene , i haue not taken pepper in the nose , nor a base forger of false libels beene , such ones there be indeed , such i haue seene ; i enuy no man for his greatnes i , nor seeke i any honest mans disgrace ; i ioy in euery ones prosperity , i le not the credit of a dogge deface , my aduersaery shall not prooue the case . then stand back sirrah whip-iack with your scourge , do not incense my satyr for thy life : hee 's patient enough vnlesse thou vrge , contentions are now a dayes to rife , and he is very backward vnto strife , but notwithstanding heere he lets thee see , as long as there is cause and reason why : in spight of all that foes to satyrs be : he shall , if i list taxe iniquitie , it is a matter of necessity . what ? you would faine haue all the great ones freed , they must not for their vices be controld , beware ; that were a saucines indeed ; but if the great-ones to offend be bold , i see no reason but they should be told . yea and they shall ; their faults most hurtfull be , and though i will not put them to that shame , i no iniustice in the matter see , if they were taxed by their proper name , for no sinne can on earth haue her full blame . then scourge of satyrs hold thy whip from mine , or i will make my rod lash thee and thine . to the gald reader . epig . . sir , he that 's night-gald or hath cornes on 's toes , may blame the shoomaker and curse his shooes but those that are acquainted with the fault , can tell the reason wherefore he doth halt ; so thou maist think ( perhaps ) these satyrs sting thee where only thy owne guiltines doth wring thee . for if thou wert from these diseases free , thou wouldst be quiet as some others be . but t is well known a ticklish beast hath tricks and the old prouerb saith a gold la ●e kicks . but i 'le aduise thee , if thou feele it smart , be rule by me and play not the fooles part , keep 't to thy selfe , and there are none shall know , whether that thou art toucht therein or no , thou seest thou neither art markt out nor na'md ; and therefore onely to thy selfe art sham'd ; now if thou stir at best thou shalt but make the country of thy faults more knowledge take . and ( as indeed it iustly may ) diuine , the worst faults that i write against are thine , then since to be reprooued seemes a curse , and to be mooued makes the matter worse , either for to amend thy life haue care , o● like a pack ! orse and an asse stil beare . to the impartiall author . ceorge , i did euer thinke thy faithfull breast , conteind a mind beyond the common sort , thy very looke and honest heart exprest , and seem'd an aw-full mildnes to import : poets may vaunt of smooth and lofty straines , thine with thy subiect fitly do agree ; but then thy muse a better praise obtaines , for whilst the greatest but time-pleasers be , thou vnappald and freely speak'st the truth : not any one for feare or lucre sparing : a vertue rare in age , more rare in youth ; another cato , but i think more daring ; wel maist thou speed in these tempestuous times , thou soone begin'st to make the world thy foe yet i so wel do like thy honest rimes ; that i could wish al poets would write so ; for thou the way of truth so rightly tend'st , i hold them double prais'd whom thou commendst thy deare friend , th. c. the contents of the first booke . the occasion . the introduction , of man offond loue. satyr of lust. of hate . of enuy. of reuenge . of choller . of iealousie , of couetousnes . of ambition . of feare . of despaire . of hope . of compassion . of cruelty . of ioy. of sorrow . the conclusion of the first booke . the second booke . of vanity . satyr . of inconstancy of weaknes . of presumption the scourge epigramms to the king , &c. and to certaine noble personages and friends , to whom the author gaue any of his bookes . the occasion . of this worke . vvhen nimble time , that all things ouer-runs ; made me forsake my tops and elderne guns reaching those yeares in which the schoole boyes bragge in leauing off the bottle and the bagg : the very spring before i grew so old , that i had amost thrice fiue winters told , noting my other fellow-pupils hast , that to our english athens flockt so fast : least others for a truant should suspect me , that had the selfe-same tutor to direct me and in a manner counting it a shame , to vndergoe so long a schoole-boyes name , thither went i ; for ( though i le not compare ) with any of them that my fellowes were ; yet then ( i le speake it to my teachers praise ) i was vnfurnisht of no needfull layes ; nor any whit for grammar rules to seeke , in lillies latine , nor in camdens greeke . but so well grounded that another day , i could not with our idle students say for an excuse i was ill enter'd ; no : there are too-many know it was not so ; and therefore since i came no wiser thence , i must confesse it was my negligence , yet daily longing to behold and see , the places where the sacred sisters be ; i was so happy to that foard i came , of which an oxe , they say , beares halfe the name : it is the spring of knowledge that imparts , a thousand seuerall sciences , and arts , a christall fount , whose water is by ods , far sweeter then the nectar of the gods : or for to giue 't a title that befits , it is the very nurcery of wits ; there once arriued , cause my wits were raw , i fell to wondring at each thing i saw and for my learning made a monthes vacation , in nothing of the places scituation : the palaces and temples that were due vnto the wife mineruaes hallowed crew ; their cloisters , walkes , and groues all which suruei'd , and in my new admittance well apaid ; i did ( as other idle freshmen doe ) long for to see the bell of osney to : but yet , indeed ( may not i grieue to tell ? ) i neuer dranke at aristotles well . and that perhaps may be the reason why , i know so little in philosophy . yet old sir harry bath was not forgot , in the remembrance of whose wondrous shot , the forrest by ( beleeue it they that will ) retaines the surname of shot-ouer still : then hauing seene enough , and therewithall , got some experience at the tennisball , my tutor ( telling me i was not sent , there to be idle , but with an intent , for to encrease my knowledge ) , cald me in , and with his graue instructions did begin to teach : and by his good perswasions sought , to bring me to a loue of what he taught : then after that he gan for to impart , the hidden secrets of the logick art ; in steed of grammer rules he taught me than , old scotus , seton , and new keckerman . he shew'd me which the predicables be , as genus , species , and th' other three , so hauing said enough of their contents , handles in order the ten praedicaments , then post praedicaments : with priorum , perhermenias and posteriorum : he with the topicks opens ; and descries elenchi , full of subtile falacies : these to vnfold ( indecd ) he tooke some paine , but to my dull capacity in vaine : for all he spake was to as little passe , as in old time vnto the vulger was their latine seruice , which they vnderstood aswel as did a horse to do them good , and i his meaning did as neere coniecture , as if he had beene reading hebrew lecture ; his infinites , indiuiduit●es , contrari's , and subcontrarieti's , diuisions : subdiuisions , and a crew of tearmes and wordes such as i neuer knew ; my shallow vnderstanding so confounded , that i was grauel'd like a ship that 's grounded ; and in despaire the mistery to gaine , neglecting all tooke neither heed nor paine , yea , i remaind in that amazed plight , till cinthia sixe times lost her borrowed light , but then ashamd to find my selfe still mute , and other little dandiprats dispute , that could distinguish vppon rationale , yet scarcely heard of ver●um personale ; and could by heart ( like parots ) in the schooles , stād pratling , those me thought were pretty fooles , and therefore in some hope to profit so , that i like them ( at least ) might make a show : i reacht my bookes that i had cast about , ( to see if i could pick the meaning out ) and prying on them with some diligence , at length i felt my dull intelligence begin to open ; and perceiued more , in halfe an houre then halfe a yeare before , and which is strange the thinges i had forgot , and till that very day remembred not , since first my tutor read them ; those did then , returne into my memory agen , ●o that with which i had so much to do , a weeke made easie , yea and pleasing too . but then with that not thoroughly content , ●practis'd to maintaine an argument , and hauing waded thorough sophistrie , ●ell vnto reading of philosophy ; and thinking there the ethicks not enough , ● also had a longing for to know , the cause of snow , haile , thunder , frost , and raine , ●he lightenings , meteors , and what here 't were vaine for me to speake of ; since i shall but show-it , ●o those that better then my selfe do know-it . then from the causes of thinges naturall , ●went to matters metaphisical : of which when i a little newes could tell , ● ( as the rest did ) vnto wrangling fell . and as the fashion was for to disgrace her , when i oppos'd the truth i could out-face her , ●ut now ensues the worst , i getting foot , ●nd well digesting learnings bitter root : ●eady to tast the fruit ; and when i thought ●hould a calling in that place haue sought , ●ound i was for other ends ordain'd , ●ea to forsake this course i was constrain'd : ●or fortune that full many a boone hath lost me , ●hus in the reaping my contentment , crost me . ●u sir ( quoth she ) that i must make my slaue , ●or whom in store a thousand plagues i haue , ●ome home , i pray , and learne to hold the plough , ●or you haue read philosophy enough . if wrangling in the schooles be such a sport , go to those ploydens in the inns of court , for aske your parish-neighbors they can tell , those fellowes do maintaine contention well ; for art in numbers you no coile need keep , a little skill shall serue to tell your sheepe : seeke not the stars thy euils should relate , least when thou know them , thou grow desperate ; and let alone geometry , t is vaine , i le find you worke enough to marre your braine ; or would you study musique ? else 't were pitty , and yet it needs not , you shall find i le fit ye : i le teach you how to frame a song , and will prouide you cares to be the subiect stil : this , fortune or my fate , did seem to tel me , and such a chance , indeed , ere long befell me , for ere my yeares would suffer me to be , admitted for to take the lowest degree ; by fates appointment ( that no stay can brook ) the paradise of england i forsooke , and seing i was forc't to leaue those mountaines , fine groues , faire walks , & sweet delightful fountains and since it might not vnto me be granted , to keepe those places where the muses hanted , i home returned somwhat discontent , and to our bentworth beechy shadowes went : bewailing these my first endeauors lost , and so to be by angy fortune crost , who though she dayly do much mischiefe to me , can neuer whilst i liue a greater do me ; and yet in that , ere she procur'd her will , i learnt enough to scorne a fortune still : yea vse hath made her enuy seeme so vaine , that i am almost proud in her disdaine : but being back returnd , as i haue said , hauing a little in the country stai'd , i there espi'de ( as i had long suspected ) i ( vndeseru'd ) of some was ill affected , and that by those t is thought my friends had been , but though they kept ther mallice long vnseene , and made faire showes as if they sought my good ; yet they the same of all men most with-stood , for , ( seeming kind ) they often did perswade my friends , to learne me some mechannick trade , vrging expence ( perhaps ) and telling how , that learning is but little made of now ; when t was through mallice , cause they feard that i might come to vnderstand my state thereby , exceed their knowledge , and attaine to do , my selfe more good , then they could wish me to : for that , a worse , or some such scuruy end , this selfe-conceited crew did euer bend their spitefull heads , by secret meanes to crosse my wisht desire , and to procure my losse : but hauing noted this their hollownesse , and finding that meere country businesse , was not my calling ; to auoyd their spight , ( which at that season was not showne outright ) i to the city often did resort , to see if either that place , or the court , would yeeld preferment ; but in vaine i sought , ill fortune still my hopes confusion wrought . which though for an ill signe some vnderstood , yet i presum'd vppon some future good . for though i scarce am wisht so well of some , i hope i haue a happy time to come : which , when i haue most need of comfort , shall send me true ioy to make amends for all ; but say it be not whilst i draw this ayre , i haue a heart ( i hope ) shall nere dispaire ; because there is a god , with whom i trust , my soule shall triumph , when my bodie 's dust ; but when i found that my endeauours still , fell out as they would haue 't that wisht me ill , and when i saw the world was growne so coy , to deeme me then to young for to employ : and that her greatnes thought she did not want me or found no calling bad enough to grant me , ( and hauing scapt a thrall which i le not touch , here in this place , for feare i haue too much spoke on 't elsewhere ; ) i say well weighing this , together what a foule reproch it is , to be still idle : and because i spide how glad they would be that my state enuide to find me so although the world doth scorne t' allow me action , as if i were borne before my time ; yet for to let them see in spight of fortune i le employed be ; casting preferments too much care aside and leauing that to god for to prouide ; the times abuses i obseru'd and then in generall the state and tricks of men , wherein although my labour were not seene , yet ( trust me ) the discouery hath been , my great content : and i haue for my paine , although no outward , yet an inward gaine . of which because i can with all my heart , allow my country-men to haue a part , and cause i thinke it may do some a pleasure , on opportunity i le now take seisure , and summon vp my muse to make relation , i may b' imploid ere long , now 's my vacation . an introdvction . come then inuention , and call iudgement in , knowledge , and reason , fie where haue you bin ? goe whistle off my muse that wanton plaies , with epigrams , loue-sonnets , roundelaies , and such like trifling game ; bid her come on , i haue found brauer prey to seaze vppon . ●ome new inspiring prayer warmes my heart , and addes fresh courage vnto euery part : new blood hath fild vp all my loue-dri'd veines , ● sacred fury hath possest my braines . and something too there is that swels my breast , ●il that be vtter'd i expect no rest ; for full with matter like a sibill nun , i shall grow furious till this taske be done . then rouse thee muse each little hobby plies , at scarabes and painted butterflies : leaue thou such trash , it is not now for vs , to flye for pleasure ; wee le in earnest trusse , but thou lookst dull ; vnfit for lofty things , thy wanton flight i feare hath tir ' de thy wings , least therefore thou should'st faint , forsake th●efist , and turne thy selfe into a satyrist ; not of the roughest , nor the mildestsort , be most in earnest , but sometimes in sport , what e're thou find to speake be not affrayd , and for assistance craue iehouahs ayd . vse all thy art , for why , thou must vnfold , the strangest nature that was euer told : at ripping vp whereof some smart will be , yet goe thou foreward still , who dares touch thee ? diue if thou canst , til thou the bottome sound , yet not too farre least thou thy selfe confound ; mistake me not , i meane not thou shouldst goe , to search th' earths center what lies hid below , or vndermine it for ritch mineralls thou shalt not haue to do with vegetalls , strange natures haue both stones , trees , herbes , and plants , which let him speake of that a subiect wants , there is an herb indeeed whose vertues such , it in the pasture only with a touch , vnshooes the new-shod steed : within the north , the scottish iles cald oreades brings forth trees , ( or else writers faine it ) from whose seeds , a certaine kind of water-foule proceeds . the loadstone also drawes the steele vnto it , yet hath not ginne or instrument to doe it , rare properties you see , but neither these nor what lies hidden in the vast wide seas meane i to speake off ; i no knowledge haue , what monsters play with neptunes boistrous waue , nor quality of birds , nor beasts i found ; for why their natures may be quickly found , indeed we may by little inquisition , find out the bruitish creatures true condition , as for example we for certaine know , the elephant much loue to man wil show . the tygers , woolues , and lyons we do find , are rauenous , fierce and cruell euen by kind , we know at caryon we shal find the crowes , and that the roost-cock whē t is mid night knowes : by a few dayes experience we may see , whether the mastife , curst or gentle be ; and many other natures we find out , of which we haue no cause at all to doubt , but there 's another creature called man , note him who wil , and tel me if he can , what his condition is ; obserue his deeds , his speach , his rayment . yea and how hee feedes try him a month , a yeare , an age , and when you haue so tride him ; say , what is he then ? retaines he either vnto praester iohn , or else vnto the whore of babilon : if that you know not which of them to grant , is he a brownist or a protestant ? if in an age you cannot find out wheither are you so much as sure that he is either ? is his heart proud or humble ? know you where or when , he hates , or loues , or standes in feare ? or who can say ( in conscience i think none ) that this mans words , and deeds , & thoughts are one ? where shall you him so well resolued find , that wants a wandring and a wauering mind ? nay he of whom you haue most triall , when you see him dying , will you trust him then ? perhaps you may ; yet questionlesse he leaues you , a mind misdoubting still that he deceiues you . and no great wonder ; for hee s such an else , that euer is vncertaine of himselfe . he is not semper idem in his will , nor stands on this or that opinion still , but varies ; he both will and wil not too , yea euen the thing he thinkes and sweares to doe he many times omits . now god forgiue him , i wonder how another should beleeue him . but this same diuers and inconstant creature , that so contrary is in his owne nature , 't is him my new-inspired muse here tries , whilst he is liuing to anotomize : t is his abuses and condition , ( although it be beyond all definition ) i labour to discouer : but aswell i may againe dragge cerberus from hell : alcydes toyles were much , yet this is more , yea if his twise-sixe , had beene twise sixe-score . it is so infinite for to vnfold , although that i did speake til i were old , yet should i leaue vnnam'd i 'me sure ee'n than , many a humor i haue seene in man. and yet i must needes say in him there be , a thousand times more trickes then i can see . t is wonderfull , and my immagination is almost ouerwhelm'd with admiration ; indeed it is , so deep 's mans heart ; but yet , since either want of yeares , or want of wit , or lack of worke , or lack of all , hath brought me , to be more heedful , then a number thought me ; since it some time and study too hath cost me , and many a humor of mine owne hath lost me . since it hurts none , and since perhaps some may , be benefitted by 't another day , although it be a taske that 's not alone , too huge for to be done by any one , but more then al the world can well dispatch , yet looke what my weake memory could catch , i le heer relate and nothing of it spare , saue things vnfit , and such as neeedlesse are . now some will say t were fit i held my tongue , for such a taske as this i am too young : he ne're had dealings in the world with men , how can he speak of their conditions then ? he cannot they conclude : strong reasons why , know none how market goes but such as buy ? we see it happens that a shifting knaue , a sly deceitfull connicatching slaue , playing at cards with some vnskilfull gull , whose purse is lin'd with crownes and penniful , may put a nimble feat for to deceiue ; which though a cunning gamester nere perceiue , he peraduenture may the same descry , that is no player but a stander by : so i aloofe may view , without suspition , mens idle humours and their weake condition : plainer perhaps then many that haue seene , more daies & on th' earths stage haue actors been . and t is no maruaile , for employment takes them , quite from themselues , and so dim-sighted makes them they cannot see the fooleries they doe , nor what ill passions they are subiect to : then who er'e carpe , the course i haue begunne , in spight of them i wil ( god helping ) runne : and least th' exordium hath too tedious bin , my obseruations loe i now begin . of man. mounted aloft on contemplations wings , and noting with my selfe the state of things , i plainely did perceiue as on a stage , the confus'd actions of this present age , i view'd the world , and i saw my fill , because , that all i saw therein was ill . i weigh'd it well and found it was the scoene , of villany , of lust , and all vncleane and loath'd corruption . seeing which my mind , ( that by some inspiration ganne to find the place was not in fault for this ) search't on , to find the cause of this confusion . and noting euery creature , there i found , that only man was the chiefe spring and ground of all this vproare ; yea i soone did see , he there was all in all , and none but he ; then being also willing for to know , what thing man was , i did begin to grow yet more inquisitiue . an old record at last i hapt vpon which did afford much sacred light . it shewed man was a creature , first made by god , iust , and vpright by nature , in his owne likenesse . that he was compounded of soule and body : that this last was founded of earth : the first infus'd by inspiration , and that the finall cause of his creation , was to set forth the glory of his maker , and with him to be made a ioynt-partaker of enldes happines . growne much amazd , to read this of him for a time i paus'd , and finding now in man no marke or signe , that ere he was a creature so deuine , i knew not what to thinke , vnlesse the same , meant any other creature of that name : but prying further on i there found out , the resolution of my present doubt , i saw the cause of 's fall : how with free-will he fell from his first goodnes vnto ill : i saw how he from happines did slide , through disobedience and vnthankfull pride : yea and i found , how by that cursed fall , he was bereaued and quite stript of all that so adornd him ; his first holinesse , was chang'd to a corrupted filthinesse then he began to draw a paineful breath , and was a slaue , made captiue vnto death ; his body was expos'd to labour , sweate , and much disquieting : he got his meat with sorrow , care , and many perturbations , and then his soule grew subiect vnto passions and strange distemperatures . more-ouer he , so perfect miserable grew to be , that if he had not a re-generation ; nothing was left him but meere desperation . hauing seene this , i made no question than , but this was spoken of the creature man which i sought after : serching further yet , on some ap●criphall records i hit , the workes of wise philosophers ; from whence , i haue receiued more intelligence concerning him , for there they do vnfold , each part about his body , and haue told secrets of nature very rare to finde , besides they haue considered of the mind : the vnderstanding part , and do relate the nature of his soule , and her estate : deepe misteries indeed : but cause that i cannot diue into that philosophy , so farre as these . and since i shall but tell , those things which no men can explane so well as they themselues , i leaue you to their bookes , in which he that with good aduisement lookes , shal find it largely handled : as for me , i meane to speake but what i know and see by tri'd experience , which perhaps may giue , ( although i haue but now begun to liue ) some profitable notes . first i avow , what euer man hath beene , that he is now , a reasonable liuing creature : who consisteth of a soule and body toe . his bodye's flesh and blood , subiect to sinning , corrupting euen in his first beginning , and ful of al vncleannesse : then his soule , is a pure lasting substance yet made foule through th' others filthines : much supprest by diuers hurtful passions which molest and hinder hir proceedings ; yea hee 's this , a creature that exceeding wretched is , and that he may be sure no fault to want , vaine , fickle , weake , and wondrous arogazt . and though his nature heretofore were pure , now nothing is more fading or vnsure . but i le omit at this time to relate , the curses iu'e obseru'd in 's outward state , for though the body , that before the fall susteind no sorrow , were it ner'e so small : doth now feele hunger , with heat , thirst and cold , a feeble birth , defects in being old , with thousands more ; and though each gaspe of breath , in misery he draw vntil his death . yet al this outward change which i do find , is nothing when i do behold the mind : for there ( as i haue said ) abused passion , keepes vmpire , and hath got predomination . vertues depos'd thence , and vice rule obtaines ; yea vice from vice there by succession raignes : thrusting out those that vertues presence grac't and in their steeds these hurtful monsters plac't fond loue , and lust , ambition , emnity , foolish compassion , ioy and iealousie : feare , hope , despaire , and sadnesse , with the vic● cal'd hate , reuenge , and greedy auarice , choller and cruelty : which i perceiud , to be the only causes man 's bereau'd of quietnesse and rest . and these i found to be the principall , and only ground of all pernitious mischeefes that do rage , or haue disturbed him in any age , and therefore i do heere entend to show , ere i goe farther , what ill humors flow from these fore-named ; yea i will declare , to what abuses most men subiect are throgh any of them : for when as i tooke view , although i saw not all , i found a few ; and for because i wil not order breake , i will assunder of each passion speake . of the passion . of love . satyr . . first loue ; the same i heere the first do call , because that passion is most natural ; and of it selfe could not be discommended , wert not with many a foule abuse attended , or so much out of measure , as we see , by those in whom it raignes it oft wil be : for looke wher't growes into extremity , it soone becometh vertues laethargy , makes them set light by reasons sound direction , and beares them headlong by vntam'd affection . c●unsels in vain , cause when this fit doth take them reason and vnderstanding doth forsake them ; it makes them some-time merry , some-time sad , vntam'd men mild , and many a mild man mad : to fooles it wisdome giues , and makes the witty to shew thēselues most fooles ( the more 's the pitty ) some it makes purblind , that they do not know , the snow white cygnet from the cole-black crow ; that one to gold compares his mistris hayre , when 't is like foxe-fur and doth think shee 's faire , though she in beauty be not far before , the swart west-indian , or the tawny moore . oh those faire star-like eyes of thine , one saies : when to my thinking she hath look't nine wayes ; and that sweet breath ; when i thinke ( out vppon 't ) 't would blast a flower if she breathed on 't , another hauing got a dainty peece , ( prouder then iason with his golden fleece ) commends her vertues that hath iust as many , as a shee-baud that neuer yet had any . yet sweares shee 's chast and takes her for no more , vvhen all her neighbours knowes she is a — another he growes carelesse of his health , neglects his credit and consumes his wealth , hath found a pretty peat , procur'd her fauor , and sweares that he in spight of all , wil haue her ; wel let him take her since they are contented , but such rash-matches are the soon'st repented . then there is one who hauing found a peere , in all thinges worthy to be counted deere ; vvanting both art and heart his mind to breake , sits sighing ( wo is me ) and wil not speake . all company he hates , is oft alone , growes melancholly , weepes , respecteth none ; and in dispaire seekes out a way to dye , vvhen he might liue and find a remedy . but how now ; wast not you ( saies one ) that late so humbly beg'd a boone at beauties gate ? was it not you that to a female saint indited your aretophels complaint , with many doleful sonnets , wa' st not you ? sure t was saies he : but then how comes it now you carpe at loue thus in a satyrs vaine ? take heed you fall not in her handes againe , sure if you doe , you shal in open court , be forc't to sing a palinodia for't . what are your braines dry , or yourblood growne cold ? or are you on a sodaine waxen old ? to flout at loue , which men of greatest wit , alow in youth as naturall and fit . what reason haue you for 't els ? what pretence haue you for to excuse this vild offence ? to him i answer that indeed een'e i was lately subiect to this malady : lik't what i now dislike ; employ'd good times in the composing of such idle rimes as are obiected : from my heart i sent full many a heauy sigh , and oft-times spent vnmanly teares . i haue , i must confesse , thought if my loue smil'd that no happinesse might equalize it , and her frowne much worse , ( o god forgiue me ) then the churches curse , i did ( as some do ) not much matter make , to hazard soule and body for her sake , hauing no hope sometime i did despaire , sometime too much built castles in the ayre , in many a foolish humor i haue beene , as wel as others ; looke where i haue seene her ( whom i lou'd ) to walke , when she was gone , thither i often haue repair'd alone : as if i thought the places did containe , something to ease me ( oh exceeding vaine : ) yet what if i haue beene thus idly bent , shal be now asham'd for to repent ? moreouer i was in my child-hood than , and am scarse yet reputed for a man. and therefore neither cold , nor old , nor dry ; nor cloi'd with any foule disease am i , 't is no such cause that made me change my mind , but my affection that before was blind , rash and vnruly , now begins to find that it had run a large and fruitlesse race , and therevpon hath giuen reason place . so that by reason , what no reason might perswade me from before ; i haue out-right , iustly forsaken ; for because i see 't was vaine , absurd , and naught but foolery , yet for all this looke where i lou'd of late , i haue not turnd it in a spleene to hate : no , for 't was first her vertue and her wit , taught me to see how much i wanted it ; then as for loue , i do alow it stil , i neuer did dislik't nor neuer will ; so it be vertuous , and contain'd within , the bounds of reason ; but when 't will begin , to run at random and her limits breake ; i must , because i cannot chuse but speake . but i forget my selfe , wherefore am i so tedious in my owne apologie ? it needed not at all , i le on againe , and shew what kind of louers yet remaine : one sort i find yet of this louing crew , whose quality i thinke is knowne to few : these seeke by all the meanes they can to gaine each virgins liking : sometime not in vaine , they do obtaine their wish , but when t is got , sorry they are and wish they had it not . for peraduenture they haue plac't their loue , so as it cannot , nor it must not mooue and yet if they should faile for to procure it , 't would greeue thē so they hardly woould endure it . yea though in shew ( at least ) they haue said nay , their loues with like affection to repay , if they perceiu't abate , as it will doe , both this and that , doth make them sorry too . but he that is with such a humor led , i may be bold to terme a watle-head . more-ouer men in placing their affection , haue feu'rall humors for to giue direction . some like the faire , but there 's not all the grace , she may be faire , and haue a squemish face , some like the wanton , some the modest eyes , the pace , or gesture some's affection ties . a smile wins one , anothers lookes mooues pitty , the next commends the lasse that 's bold and witty . againe some loue where they no cause can find , but onely this ; the wench they see is kind . yea one doth thinke her faire ( another loathes ) because she seemes so in her gaudy clothes . more sorts there are ; but sure i am , not many that for bare vertue haue affected any . wealth many matches makes ; but most can prooue though it breeds liking , yet it winnes not loue . then to obtaine his mistres , one man tries , how he can stretch his wits to poetize : his pass●a● to relate his skill he proues , but in this blockish age it little moues ; nor doe i wonder much true meaning failes , and wit so little in this case auailes , since dunces can haue sannets fram'd & send them , as their inuentions , when some others pen'd them . another seekes by valour to obtaine , his wished prize , but now that trial 's vaine ; the third brings wealth , and if he doe not speed , the womans worth the suing for indeed . then he that 's neither valorous nor wise , comes ruffling in , with shamelesse brags and lies , making a stately , proud , vaine-glorious show , of much good matter , when t is nothing so . in steed of lands , to which he ne're was heyre , he tels her tales of castles in the ayre , for martiall matters , he relates of fraies , where many drew their swords & ran their waies . his poetry is such as he can cull , from plaies he heard at curtaine or at bull , and yet is fine coy mistres - marry-muffe , the soonest taken with such broken stuffe . another shallow braine hath no deuise , but prates of some strange casts he had at dice , brags of his play , yea sure it doth befall , he vaunts oft-times of that which marreth all ; but some i note ( now fie on such a man ) that make themselues as like them as they can , thereby to winne their loues ; they faine their pace ; order their lookes , and striue to set their face to looke demure : some wooe by nods , and lookes , some by their sighes , and others by their bookes ; some haue a nature must not be denaide , and will grow furious if they be delaide : others againe haue such a fancy got , if they soone speed then they esteeme them not . when women woo , some men do most affect them , and some againe for wantons doe suspect them : besides , we see that fooles themselues they make , what toyes they count of for their wenches sake ; one for some certaine months , or weekes , or daies , vveares in his hat a branch of wither'd bayes . or sweares for to employ his vtmost power , for to preserue some stale-neglected flowre : he weares such colours as for louers be , drinks vowed healths vpon his bared knee : sue's mainly for a shoo-string , or doth craue her , to grant him but a busk-point for a fauour : and then to note ( as i haue seene ) an asse that by her window , whom he loues , must passe , with what a fained pace , the woodcock stalks ; how skuruely he sleareth as he walks : and if he ride , how he rebounds and trots , as if his horse were troubled with the bots ; 't would make one swell with laughing : in a day he makes more errands then he needs that way , bearing himselfe as if he still espide him , when as perhaps she flouts , or lookes beside him : nay should i tell you all the vanitie , i haue obserued in this maladie , i should shame louers , but i le now be husht , for had i said more i my selfe had blusht : yet know ; although this passion i haue tyde to loue of women , it concludes beside all whatsoeuer kinde of loues there be , vnlesse they keep the minde from trouble free , and yeeld to reason : but of such-like louers , my muse hereafter other feates discouers . of desire or lvst . satyr . . lvstfull desire , ( although t were rather fit . to some bruite creature to attribute it ) shall in mans heart retaine the second place ; because it shrouds her vile deformed face vnder loues vizard , and assumes that name , hiding her owne fault with the others blame : t is a base passion , from the which doth flow many base humours ; t is the ouerthrow of all in whom it enters ; 't is an euill , worse then to be possessed with a diuell : this 't is that oft hath caused publike strife , and priuate discord ; this makes man and wife grow each to other cold in their affection , and to the very marrow sends infection ; and as phisicians say , it makes the face looke wan , pale , yellow , and doth much deface the beauty of it ; and as for the fight it either dums it or bereaues it quight ; it dries the body , and from thence doth sprout griefes of the stomack , leprosie and gout , with other such ; beside it doth decay not life alone , but also takes away , both memory and vnderstanding toe ; so doctors that haue tride it , say t' will doe . and which way comes that foule disease to vs we call the french , so vile and odious : i st not by lust ? breed not such-like desires , children begotten by vncertaine syres ? strange generations , beds so oft defilde ; that many a father scarcely knowes his childe ? or , is 't not hence this common prouerbe growes , t is a wise child that his oane father knowes ? doth it not others reputations foyle ? and them e'ne of their dearest iewels spoyle ? yes , yes ; and hence a thousand other crimes doe daily spring , and yet in these our times t is highly made of : yea t is lust doth weare the richest garments , and hath curiou'st fare ; the softest beds it hath for to repose , with sweet perfumes , but sure there 's need of those . drawne in a coach it visits now and then some neere acquaintance , mongst the noblemen ; yet doth it not the court alone frequent , but is i th' cittie as much resident : where when it walkes the street it doth imploy , either a prentice , or a roaring-boy to vsher it along , and few disdaine it , but those vnable for to entertaine it . 't were much to note the paine that some indure , and cost that they 'le be at for to procure their beastly wils : there 's many spend their stocks in ruffes , gownes , kirtles , peti-coats , and smocks , for which one 's paid with that shal make him craul , ( if he be friended ) to some hospitall . another's quitted for his wel-spent stuffe , by some grim sergeant with a counter-buffe : the last it brings , if still that course he followes , first to the gaole , and so forth to the gallowes . and what haue you obserued to haue bin the vsuall associats of this sinne ? but filthy speeches , bold fac't impudence . vnseemely actions , ryot , negligence , and such as these ; yea to procure their lust it makes them into any mischiefs thrust , how hatefull or apparent ere they be , or put in practise any villanie . moreouer , where it enters once , the minde , cannot true rest , nor any quiet finde . we see it also makes them for to craue , not what is best , but what they long to haue , yea , lust hath many mischiefes that ensue it , which most men see , but few the lesse eschew it : men rather now , as if t' were no offence , are growne to such a shamelesse impudence , they vaunt and bragge of their lasciuious facts , no lesse then some , of braue heroick acts . and not a few of this same humor be , that would be term'd the foes of chastitie . by whom if i see ill , i le sure conceale it , for they themselues will to their shames reueale it : there 's others who disliking so to vaunt , vvill , si non castè , tamen cautè grant , for that 's their motto , they make modest showes , but what they doe in secret , man nere knowes : some make a baud of their diuine profession , like shauelings in auricular-confession . th' other are bad , and sure of god accurst , but of all others , these i deeme the worst . there 's other gallants would desire but this , vvithout suspition for to talke and kisse : for other pleasures they do neuer craue them , nay if they might , they sweare they will not haue them so mean , perhaps : but time brings alteration , and a faire woman is a shrewd temptation : then many make their fained loue to be a cloake to couer their immodestie : these will protest and vow , and sweare their life consists in hauing whom they wooe , to wife , yet if the villaines can their lust fulfill , they will forsweare them and be liuing still : some doe court all , and not alone doe proue , but for because with all they are in loue , with such deep passion , that they cannot smother , their hot affection till they meete another : but why will man against himselfe and reason , consent to such a tyrant in his treason ? why will he so his liberties foregoe to be a slaue to such a monstrous foe ? for what is this same passion we call lust , i st not a brutish longing and vniust , and foule desire of the soule , to gaine some euill pleasure ? or to speake more plaine , a furious burning passion , whose hot fumes corrupts the vnderstanding , and consumes the very flesb of man ? then what 's the fact ? what may i terme that vile and shamefull act , but this ; the execution of an ill , out of set purpose and with a good will , in spight of reason ? tell me i st not base ? when men shall so their worthy sex disgrace , to giue their bodies in a deed vncleane , with a foule nasty prostituted queane ? or in their vnderstanding be so dull as to obserue on idle short-heeld trull ? a puling female diuell that hath smiles , like syrens songs , and teares like crocadiles . yet there be some ( i will not name them now ) whom i haue seene vnto such puppits bow , and be as seruiceable as a groome , that feares another man will beg his roome : they had beene glad ful oft to please their pride , with costly gifts , and forc't for to abide , imperious scoffs , with many scornefull words ; such as the humors they are in , affords and yet for these thei 'le venter honors , liues ; if they command it ; when for their poore wiues : ( though they in beauty , loue and true delight , exceed them more then day-time doth the night ) they le scarcely take vppon them for to speake , in any case of theirs their , loues so weake , yea and their lust doth wrap them in such blindnes they cannot giue them one poore look in kindnes . moreouer for their lust they haue not laid base plots alone , like him that was conueyd in a close trunk , because in secrecy , he would ( vnseene ) enioy his venery . i say not only therein haue they retcht , their damn'd inuentions , it hath also stretcht , vnto strange lusts , of which i wil not speake , because i may offend the minde that 's weake , or least i to some simple one should show , those sinnes by naming , he did neuer know : and here i leaue : there 's lurking holes such store , this stinking vermin i wil hunt no more . of hate . satyr . . bvt i haue rous'd another here as bad they call it : hate ; a worse i neuer had , before in chase : i scarce can keepe ( insooth ) my selfe from danger of his venom'd tooth . this is the passion that doth vse to moue , the mind a cleane contrary way to loue ; it is an inspiration of the divel , that makes men long for one anothers euill , it cankers in the heart , and plagueth most , not him that 's hated , but the hateful host . and yet there 's too too many i do know , whose hearts with this soule poyson ouer-flow : of which i haue a true intelligence , by the sharpe scoffs and slanders springing thence , for where it rules they cannot well conceale it , but either wordes or deeds , or both reueale it , were it iust causes that did stil engender this passion in them ; or if they could render , a reason fort 't were somwhat , but their will carries them on in spight of reason still . these are their humors , for a slight offence thei 'le hate th' offender for a recompence . some malice all that any way excell , in which who thinkes but they do very well , and many haue abhorred ( god amend them ) the stranger that did neuer yet offend them : vvhich they are not asham'd for to confesse , yet in their hate continue ner'e the lesse , but though that they can yeeld no reason why , they beare them causlesse mallice , yet can i : their hearts are il , and it is seldome knowne , that a sweet bro●ke from bitter springs hath flowne : there 's some to when they see a man respected more then themselues , though they be not neglected , they inly grudge , and outwardly disdaine , being alike condition'd as was caine , some hate their friends that loue and count them deare , as by the sequel plainely shal appeare ; one that a seeming friendship had profest me , vpon a time did earnestly request me that i would plainely my opinion shew , what i of his conditions thought or knew ; and that i would without exceptions tel , what acts of his did not become him well . i scorning flattry , with a louing heart , twixt him and me my mind did soon impart ; and as a friend , that is vnfaigned , ought , left nothing vnreueald of what i thought , yea without feare i boldly reprehended , if i perceiud he any way offended , provided alwayes that i did not swerue , from a decorum fitting to obserue , but marke mans nature : he perceiuing i had taken note of some infirmity , he would not haue vnript ; and seeing toe , i espide more then he wisht i should doe of his ill humours ; ( though i must confesse ) being my friend i lou'd him nothing lesse ; in steed of thankes and liking for my paines , my company and sight he now refraines ; and for my kindnes like a thanklesse mate , doth ill repay me with a lothing hate . this one i know , and by that one i finde , that there be many beare as bad a minde , but let vs for their true conuersion pray , for we alasse may very iustly say . quod nulla est in terra charitas , et odium parit ipsa veritas . againe the wicked hates beyond all measure the righteous man , that contradicts his pleasure ; and that 's the fundamentall cause i know , that many men doe hate their teachers so : these common humors are obseru'd of few , yet may a yong experience find them true . and boldly say that all in whom th' are found , haue poysoned hearts polluted and vnsound , but they corrupted aboue all the rest , which hate their friends they should account of best but let men striue and study to remoue this passion from their hearts and graffe on loue. let them not harbor such a hellish sinne , which being entred marreth all within ; nor let them thinke my counsell merits laughter , since scripture saies , to hate our brother's slaughte● of envy . satyr . then some enuenom'd with an enuious touch , think eu'ry thing their neighbor hath to much ▪ o lord say they ( if in the field they be ) what goodly corne , and wel-fed beasts hath he ? ( if in the house ) they neuer in their liues , saw fairer women then their neighbours wiues : t is pitty shee that puts so many downe , should be embraced by so rude a clowne : that house is too well furnisht , or doth stand , better then his , or it hath finer land : this farme hath profits more then his by much , for wood and water he had neuer such . yea so he grudges inwardly and frets at euery good thing that his neighbour gets : of these besides there are that when they see , any beloued , or in fauour be , especially in courts , and great mens houses , then the heart swelleth , and the enuious rouses , ne're resting till that like a spightfull elfe , he doe displace them or disgrace himselfe . now some are in the minde that hate and this , still goe together and one passion is ; indeed , they soule iniurious humors be , so like , they seeme to haue affinitee : but if 't were so , me thinks betwixt them both , there should arise more wrangling them there doth , so t is with kinsmen , they enuy the good of those that are the same in flesh and bloud . but here may be the difference , and it shall hate doth extend to some , and this ●o all : yet enuious men doe least spight such as be of ill report , or of a low degree : but rather they doe take their ayme at such , who either wel-be-loued are , or rich : and therefore some doe fitly liken these , vnto those flies we terme cantharides : cause for the most part they alight on none , but on the flowers that are fairest blowne : or to the boisterous winde which sooner grubs the stately cedar then the humble shrubs : but yet that sometimes shakes the bush below , and moues the leafe that 's wither'd long agoe : as if he had not showne sufficient spight , vnlesse it also could orewhelme him quite and bury it in earth ; so i haue found , the blast of enuy flies as low's the ground . and though it hath already brought a man euen vnto the meanest state it can , yet t is not satisfi'd , but still deuising , vvhich way it also may disturbe his rising , this i know true ; or else it could not be that any man should hate or enuy me , being a creature , ( one would thinke ) that 's plast too low for to be toucht with enuies blast , and yet i am ; i see men haue espi'd , some-thing in me too , that may be enui'd ; but i haue found it now : and know the matter . the reason , they are rich and i le not flatter : yes and because they see that i doe scorne , to be their slaue whose equall i am borne , i heard ( although 't were spoken in a cloud ) they censure that my knowledge makes me proud , and that i reach so farre beyond my calling , they euery hower doe expect my falling : with many a prayer , and prognostication to shew their loue not worthy reuelation , but what care i ; to quit their good surmising , i doe desire my fall may be their rising . which say should once be , as i hope t will neuer , i trust to god it shall not be for euer ; and for because i know it cannot be , much lower then it is , it greeues not me , and where they say my wit augments my pride , my conscience tels me that i am belide : for knowledge of my wants doth greeue me so , i haue small ioy to boast of that i know . but let them scandall as i heare they doe , and see whose lot the shame will fall vnto ; the shafts are aim'd at me , but i le reiect them , and on the shooters too , perhaps reflect them , i care not for their enuy , since they show it ; nor doe i feare their mallice , now i know it : for to preuent the venome of their throat , i le of this poyson make an antidote : and their presaging ( though it be abuse ) i hope wil serue me to an excellent vse ; for where before i should haue tooke no heed , their wordes shall make me circumspect indeed . yea i wil be more careful to do wel , which were a plague as bad for them as hel . some i do know , yea too too well i know them , and in this place do a remembrance owe them , these ; when that through their enuy they intend , to bring one out of fauour with his friend , wil make as though they some great vices knew , that he is guilty of , and not a few : thei le shake their heads , as if they did detest the course he followes ; and that not in iest . if to the father they dispraise the sonne , it shall be slily , indirectly done : and thus ( i hope ) there 's some wil vnderstand , he liues i tel you at a s●cond hand . should i say al i know , 't would much offend you , but more such children i pray god neu'r send you , with other words of doubt to breed suspition , but dare not ( being of a base condition ) to name them any fault : and good cause why , it may be prou'd vnto their shames a ly ; now t is a quality i do dispise , as such a one doth him whom he enuies , if therefore any do that loue professe me , lord from their friendship i beseech thee blesse me , some crafty ones wil honor to their face , those whom they dare not openly disgrace : yet vnder-hand , their fames they 'l vndermine , as lately did a seeming friend of mine ; they 'l sowe their slanders as if they with griefe , were forc't to speake it : or that their vnbeliefe were loth to credit it , when 't is well knowne , the damn'd inuention was at first their owne : some doe not care how grosly they dispraise , or how vnlikely a report they raise ; because they know if 't be so false an ill , that one beleeues it not , another will ; and so their enuy very seldome failes , but one way or another , still preuailes : oh villanous conceit ! an engin bent to ouerthrow the truest innocent ; for well they know , when onee a slander's sowne , and that a false report abroad is blowne , though they would wipe it out ; yet they can neuer , because some scar will stick behind for euer . but what is this , that men are so inclind and subiect to it ? how may 't be defin'd ? sure if the same be rightly vnderstood , it is a griefe that springs from others good . and vexes them if they doe but heare tell , that other mens endeauors prosper well , it makes them grieue when any man is friended , or in their hearing praised , or commended , contrariwise againe , such is their spight : in other mens misfortunes they delight ; yea , notwithstanding it be not a whit vnto their profit , not their benefit , others prosperity doth make them leane , yea it deuoureth and consumes them cleane : but if they see them in much greefe , why that doth only make them iocund , full and fat ; of kingdomes ruine they best loue to heare , and tragicall reports do only cheere their hellish thoughts : and then their bleared eies can looke on nothing but black infamies , reprochful actions , and the foulest deeds , of shame , that mans corrupted nature breeds : but they must winke when vertue shineth bright , for feare her lustre mar their weakned sight . they do not loue encomiastick stories . or for to read their predecessors glories ; for good report to all men they deny , and both the liuing and the dead enuy : yea many of them ▪ i do thinke had rather loose all good fame then share 't with their owne father . the biting satyr they do only like , and that at some particulars must strike , or al 's worth norhing : if they can apply some part of this to him they do enuy , as well perhaps they may , then thei l commend it , and spite of their ill natures , i that pend it , shall haue some thank , but why ? not cause they deem me , or my writing either worth esteem : no , heere 's the reason they thy labour like . they think i meane him , then suppose i strike : now whose endeauors thinke you prosper should , if the euent of thinges were as these would ? ( no man can answere that , for it 's vnknowne ) nor parents , no nor childrens , scarce their owne : ( i say ) their owne hand-works are seldome free , but subiect to their proper enuies be : ' witnesse a certaine rich-man , who of late ' much pittying a neighbours wofull state , ' put to his helping hand , and set him cleare ' from all his former misery and feare : ' but when he saw that through his thrift , and heed , ' he had well cur'd againe his former need , ' and grew to pretty meanes , though he no whit ' vnthankfull was for this his benefit : ' yet , being of a nature that did long , ' and ioy , to see anothers case goe wrong , ' hauing no second cause ; much grieued now , ' that he once helpt him ; all his study's how , 'to ruinate the poore mans state againe , ' and make through enuy his owne labour vaine . i wonder men should so from reason range , or entertaine a humor that 's so strange and so vnprofitable , tell me why , should we the honors , or the wealth enuy of other men ? if we delight to see , our brethren when in euill case they be , le ts wish them riches , titles , and promotion , t will make them greedy , proud , & choke deuotion , t will plunge them in a flood of misery , in the respect of which , the beggery we thinke so vile , is heauen , yea i know , it is a thousand more mens ouerthrow then pouertie can be . that if we hate , or would enuy who are in happy state , in my opinion they must not be such that titles haue attaind , or to be ritch ; no , poore men rather , who are combred lesse , and haue indeed the truest happinesse . but be they rich or no , i passe not whether , for my part , i am sure , i enuy neither , so i but reach the glorie i desire , i doe not care how many mount vp higher ; and if i want not , what hurt is'● to me , if i the poorest in the kingdome be ? yet from this passion , i beleeue not many can be exempted , if there may be any : but sure more mischiefe alway doth betide th' enuious then to him that is enuide ; and they haue often , ( who would then bemone ? ) lost both their eyes to lose their neighbour one : yea there is many a periur'd enuious noddy ; damnes his owne soule to hurt his neighbours body . but now such men may best by this be knowne , they 'le speake in no mans praise but in their owne , and in their presence but commend a man , they 'l from his worth detract eu'n all they can : so do the foule mouth'd zoili , spightfull momes , vvhose eyes on euery new pen'd treatise romes . not for their owne auaile or benefit ; to feed their humors by disgracing it , they rather seeke : and that they 'l disallow which they would mend themselues , if they knew how : but what are they that keep this censuring court , none i le assure you of the wisest sort ; none of the wisest said i : yet content ye , they are a great way past ass in presenti ; and think themselues , ( but thought somtime is free ) a great deale wiser then indeed they bee , for howsoeuer their insinuation hath gain'd a little vulgar reputation , they are but glow-wormes that are briske by might , and neuer can be seen when sunne giues light ; ill tong'd and enuious , ignorant of shame , and vile detractors of anothers fame ; but let them carp on , what need any care ; simce they are knowne for fooles without compare ; but fellow christians , thinke vpon this euill , know 't is an instigation of the diuell , remember 't is a knowne apparant foe to charitie ; and friendships ouerthrow . a vicious humor , that with hell acquaints , and hinders the communion of saints : consider that , and how it makes vnable , to be partaker of the holy table . and so i trust you 'l root it from the heart , and , as th'apostle counsels , lay apart dissembling , enuie , slander , malice , guile ; and euil-speaking as most bad and vile . chiefely in those men , whose religion saith , her mainest piller , is true-loue , next faith. of revenge . satyr . . roome for reuenge , he 's no commedian that acts for pleasure , but a grim tragedian , a foule sterne monster , which if we displease ; death , wounds and bloud , or nothing can appease ; so wicked that though all good men disdaine it , yet there are many rashly entertaine it , and hugge it as a sweet contented passion : but all men act not in one kinde , nor fashion , for one so priuate is , that no man knowes it ; another cares not , before whom he showes it , then some of them are fearefull , some are bolder , some are too hot , and some againe are colder : oh , i haue seene , and laught at heart to see 't , some of our hot-spurs drawing in the street , as though they could not passions rage withstand ▪ but must betake them to it out of hand . but why i th' street ? oh company doth heart them , and men m●y see their valorous acts and part them . that humor yet , i rather doe commend then theirs whose fury hath no stay nor end ; till of their liues they haue bereft their foes , and then they thinke they pay them ; yet who b●● knows ▪ that t is a smal reuenge ? since to be slaine , is to be free from danger , care and paine . so whilst his enemy lies and feeles no smart , he hath a thousand tortures in his heart . and say his conscience do escape a flaw , he brings himselfe in danger of the law. if such reuenge be sweet sure i le forgiue , and neuer seeke for vengeance whilst i liue . but oh ( me thinkes ) i heere our hacsters tel me , with thundring words , as if their breath would fel me : i am a coward if i wil not fight , true , cauelieroes you hane spoke the right , and if vpon good tearmes you vrge me to it , i haue both strength and heart enough to doe it , which you should find ; and yet my mind is still , rather to defend my selfe then kill . but most men thinke , that he which kils his foe ; is most couragious : now i tell thee no : for he that hath a heart that fact to doe , is both a tyrant and a coward toe . but how is he a coward some will aske ? to answer that is but an easie taske , thus he is one : he hauing by his might , a power on him with whome he haps to fight : thinkes if he spare his life , in such a case , he one day may reuenge his foule disgrace ; that thought with feare , of future dangers fils him , which to preuent , he like a coward kils him . but those that iustly in excuse can say , for present safety , they were forc't to slay , i must count blamelesse . thou that hast a foe , seeke not to be his wofull ouerthrow . rather if 't may be keepe him liuing still ; i tell thee 't is a necessary ill , ( inimicus amicus ) my selfe haue some , their liues i do no grutch , for they haue done me seruice very much ; and wil do still for wheresoere i goe , they make me careful what i speak , or doe : and when i step aside i here on 't roundly , or ( as themselues say ) they wil tel 't me soundly . whereas my friend , til i were quite vndone , would let me stil in mine owne follies run , or if he warne me it is so in sport , that i am scarse a whit the better sort . but this same good , i know but few can vse , because that they do better thinges abuse . mans nature 's ill , and i haue noted this , if they vpbraided bewith what 's amisse they cannot brooke it , but are readier still , for to reuenge that , then amend what 's ill . we must not now our lusty-blouds gain-say , no not so much as in a yea , or nay ; but presently we dye for 't ( if we will ) they haue both hand , and heart prepar'd to kil . let them but thinke a man to them iniurious , although he be not so , thei 'le straight grow furious and are so quickly up in a brauado , they are for nothing but the imbrocado : and in this humor they respect not wheither , they be vnto them friends , or foes , or neither ; all are alike ; and their hot choller ends , not only loue , and friendship , but their friends : i know 't were vaine if i should tel to these the peaceful mind of ancient socrates : or if i should lycurgus vengeance shew , how he behau'd himselfe vnto his foe , ●twere but in vaine ( i say ) for there 's no doubt , our watle-headed gallants would but flout at their wel tempred passions ; since they deeme , none now but fooles , or mad-men , worth esteeme● but what 's the cause of their vnbridled rage ? oh know it is a humor of their age , for to be foolish desperate ; and many account not of him wil not fight with any on the least quarrel . therefore most to gaine , a little fame that way , though nere so vaine , wil put their liues in danger : nay there 's some , had rather haue it then the life to come , alas poore men , what hath bewitcht your mind ? how are you grown so sencelesse and so blind , for to affect vaine shaddowes and let slide , the true substance , as a thing vnspide ? ●s reason in you growne so great a stranger , to suffer an affection of such danger to settle in you ? bannish't from your breast , and there let mercy and forgiuenes rest : ●t is a token of a humane mildnes , but vengeance is a signe of bruitish wildnes : not fitting any but the tyger , beare , ●r su●h like creatures , that remorslesse teare what ere they light on . cast it from you then , ●e in condition as in shape y' are men ; and stand vnmoou'd , for innocence ere long , will shew her selfe abroad in spight of wrong : and of your patience you shall not repent , but be auenged to your owne content : yet some may say the counsell i haue giuen , is hard to follow , strict , and too vneuen , and whatsoeuer show i seeme to make , such as my selfe would hardly vndertake . know you that thinke so ; i am not afraid . if that it be a burthen i haue laid , to bear 't my self ; nay , i haue vndergone if this be hard , a more vneasie one : for but of late , a friend of mine in show , being ( indeed ) a spightfull secret foe , i know not why , ( for i did ne're in ought wrong him i 'me sure ; no not in an ill thought . ) yet this man hauing wisely watcht his time , when i ( a stranger , in another clime ) left my owne country ; did meane while repaire , to my best friends , and with dissemblings faire , and showes of loue and griefe , did there vnfold , the grosest slander , euer villaine told . a dam'nd inuention so exceeding vile , that gallants 't would haue made your bloud to boile and out of your abused bodies start , i know it would haue broken veines or heart : i say if you had felt that cruell sting , you would haue fret , fum'd , stampt , done any thing or angry rag'd like mad-men in their fit , till mercilesse reuenge , had quenched it : but what did i ? at first i must confesse , i was a little mou'd , who could be lesse ? but when i felt my troubled thoughts begin to ioyne with brutish passion within , and raise disquiet humors in my brest , i fear'd if i should yeeld 't would mar my rest . and therefore to my selfe i patience tooke , vvhich whil'st i haue about me i can brooke any misfortune . then that patience , grew so much stronger through my innocence that i forgot both wrong and vengeance too ; some thinke 't was cause that i lack't might to doe the hurt i would ; no , it was onely will for i had power enough to doe him ill ; ●t is well knowne the coward dares not stand t' abide the vengeance of my wronged hand were his strength tripled ; nay were i in bands of impotencie wrapt , and had no hands , yet i haue friends ( whom if i had not prai'd and beg'd vnto , to haue their fury stai'd ) had chopt him , and made dogs meat for my sake of his vile carkas ; yea and he would quake , a twelue-month after , had he but the daring , to thinke vpon the vengeance was preparing for that lewd slanderous tale of his ; which he might better raise on one vnborne then me : now though that course my reason did gain-say , i was allow'd reuenge a better way , both law add iustice , proffer'd me a scourge , to whip him for it , which my friends did vrge : shewing me motiues to allure me to it : yet still was i vnwilling for to doe it : for though i might ( beside submission ) gaine , no little summes ; my heart doth much disdaine , for to encrease my substance through his shame , or raise it with the ruines of my fame : now for because there 's some may thinke i faine , or speake a matter fram'd by mine owne braine : know , this back-biter liues and may doe long to doe me more , and many others wrong : and though i doe not mind to staine my verse , the name of such a monster to rehearse , for others satisfaction and to grace it , vpon the margent here i thought to place it : but that perhaps would vengeance counted be , whereas it shall not be reueng'd for me : yet gallants you may see i wish you to no other thing , then i my selfe would doe , you heare that i was wrong'd , and yet withstood my owne mad passion in the heate of bloud : and am not i in as good case as those , that haue reueng'd themselues with stabs & blows in my opinion it is as well , as if that i should pack his soule to hell with danger of mine owne ; and heere remaine , to greeue and wish he were aliue againe ; nay now t is best , for why , he may repent , and i with a safe conscience liue content : ther 's some ( perhaps ) misdeem'd my innocence , because they saw that i with patience indur'd the wrong : t is thought that i did know , my selfe in fault , because i tooke it so . indeed t is true , i let him scot-free passe , what should i doe vnto him ? say an asse had strooke me with his heeles ; how should i qui● the harme he doth me ? you would blame my wit if i should kill him ; if i went to law who would not count me the most asse ? a daw ; the worst of fooles ; i pray what were i lesse , if i had don 't to his vnworthinesse ? one that 's more ignorant of his offence , and seemes as if he had no sparke nor sence of humane goodnesse : one , whom if i touch , or offer to lay hands on , t is as much , as if i in my anger would begin to breake the stoole that erst had broke my shin . i knew in this , and that , the case was one , and therefore i did let reuenge alone : yet will i note him , for this cause indeed , that other men may know him and take heed : and therefore marke , the greatest feast i th' yeare and ioyfullest his name at full doth beare . a sacred syllable makes the first part ; which since t is there alone , and not in 's heart : take it from thence with the ensuing letter , and the remainder will befit him better : hereof enough ; for why there doth remaine , some more of these mad humors to explaine , besides those i first nam'd ; for their brother , they cannot their reuengefull nature smother ; and for because they dare not deale with swords : like valiant champions fight it out with words . such fraies haue made me oftentimes to smile , and yet they proue shrewd combats other while , for from such braules do sodaine stabs arise , and somtime in reuenge the quart-pot flies ; ioyne-stooles , and glasses makes a bustling rumor : yea this is growne a gentleman-like humor : but in my mind , he that so wel can fight , deserues for to be dubd an ale-house knight : i st not a shame that men should at their meeting , welcome each other with a friendly greeting , as i haue seene , and yet before they part , bandy their swords at one anothers heart ? wondrous inhumane , the sauage bore , the wild armenean heards wil do no more : sure such beleeue not it is god hath said , vengeance is his and must by him be paid . for if they did i thinke there would not be , such caruers for themselues : but we may see , the diuel doth so much possesse them than , they haue no honest thought of god or man. as in this humor you shall see 't explain'd , two falling out , would fight , but are restrain'd : yet stil they striue to be each others fall , which shewes their loue to man-kind none at all : but curbed of their wills through standers by , forth breakes their fury , and they straight let flye , such horrid , bloody , fearefull cannon oathes , as their 's no honest christian eare but loathes , almost to heare them nam'd they seeme to teare christs man-hood peece-meal from him when they sweare for foot , heart , nailes , stil vsing god withall their foule-mouth'd-rackets like a tennise ball doth bandy too and fro : his blood and wounds , set forth their vaunts they think with brauest sounds , and makes the simple people to admire ; their courage which is but as a flame on fire . thrice valiant champions whereby should one gather they haue a thought of god that 's good ? but rather that they are vile blasphemers ; for when they cannot haue vengeance they desired , why , as if they scorn'd th' almighties fearefull rod , thus thinke they to auenge themselues on god , who were he not as merciful as iust , might with a blast consume them into dust . of choller . satyr . . bvt now the cause of mens reuengefull thirst , proceeds from rash vnbridled choller first : which passion flowes from imbecillity , and brings vs vnto much absurdity : yea those that are infected with this crime , are in a manner mad-men for the time : 't is a short fury , where-with man possest resembles most a wild vntamed beast : it makes him foolish , quite besides his wit , doing and speaking many a thing vnfit . those men in whom i find this passion raigne , i haue oft seene to storme for things but vaine , yea , and as if they had some greeuous crosse chafe out of measure for a penny losse , and fret as much in loosing of some toy as if therein consisted all their ioy : this too i noted in a chollerick man , ( let any one disproue me if he can ) they are not onely apt for to beleeue , any report that may occasion giue ; but in light matters if they should contend , would pick a quarrell with their dearest friend : yea i haue seen where friends , nay more , where brothers that should & haue bin dearer far thē others : these i haue knowne in choller e'ne like foes . mingling sharpe words , with farre more sharpned blows . when they are in their fit they do not spare , any degree ; no reuerence , nor care doth then remaine ; thei 'le speake though they be sure , their heedlesse words , not foes alone procure , but loose their friends : nor doe they in that case , respect the time , the company , nor place : besides there is this ouersight in some , where choller doth the reason ouercome : they doe not onely blame him that offends , but are displeased euen with their friends , and all that are in presence or in view ; i haue obseru'd it often to be true : then if that any should but tell these men , their anger were without iust reason , then , although it be so and thy know it right , their fury is the more increast with spight : they cannot brooke ●ontroule , nor yet can they endure that a man should nothing say , for then indeed t is presently suspected , he cares not , and his anger is neglected : and in some masters i haue noted this , wherein they doe in my conceit amisse : if they but thinke their seruant doth offend , he must not his suspected crime defend , guilty or no ; but yeild it an offence as if men still were slaues ; but surely hence , springs this abuse , in whom this humour passes : choller beares sway , and they are wayward asses : who though they haue read some strict rules in cat● were neuer schollers , to diuiner plato : oh anger is a wondrous headstrong passion , that hath a beastly , frantick operation ; from which , how can we any man release since we must neither speake , nor hold our peace ? some will be angry , if they cannot make , another their opinions for to take . others haue meanings but they cannot shew them , yet are displeas'd , with those that doe not know and i haue seene ( that anger may be holy ) them : a good man mooued for anothers folly ; yet in such cases let not any chafe , but pray ( as i doe ) they may mend and laugh ; me thinkes they should be men vnfit to weild the sword of iustice that do basely yeild , vnto so brute a passion ; yet haue we some gouernours that ouer-ruled be by this , and worse affections ; yea some now haue charge of others , that doe worse know how to guide themselues : the angry magistrate , to be aueng'd on him whom he doth hate , for priuate causes drawes the publike sword , and all the rigor that the lawes affoord must serue his choller ; such there be , so many you cannot misse one , though i name not any . now diuers doe affirme such men as be hasty , ( so they tearme this infirmitie ) are the best natur'd : who that lesson taught ? if they be best i le sweare the best be naught : moreouer there be many doe suppose , it is a signe of courage ; what meane those ? where is their iudgements ? they me thinkes should gather that it were weakenesse did produce it rather , or else why should the feeble and the sicke , women and children be most chollerick ? againe there 's some ( whose iudgement is as rude ) doe thinke that anger quickens fortitude : but that 's a vertue surely will deny , with such a vice to haue affinity : thou that hast iudgement , tell me , can it be , that fortitude and anger may agree ? i thinke it not , for why , the one is steady , and rul'd by reason , t'other rash and heady : the one doth nothing but on consultation , the other cannot take deliberation : and therefore if that we be well aduis'd , it is a humor ought to be despis'd : and though some thence much help may seeme to gather , to whet on fortitude , it hinders rather : yea t is a strange vnreasonable passion , that brings the owner cleane beside all fashion ; making him speake if ought but discontent him , yea doe the thing of which he shall repent him , and of a friend if i might chuser be : i 'de rather haue a man that 's mad then he : some say 't is inflamation of the blood , and may with carefull heed be soone withstood ; but their 's so few that seeke to stop this ill , that most do let it runne at randome stil : and very faintly yeeld to the inuasion of this wild passion , on the least occasion , but he indeed that would a medcine find for this disease , must haue a setled mind , not giuing credit vnto all reports ▪ nor yet delighting in vaine toyes , nor sports : on dogs , or hawkes his mind must not be set , so much , as for their losse to chafe or fret : he should not fancy fuch fond idle trash , but euer taking heed of being rash ; athenodorus good aduice embrace , and follow cotis that wise king of thrace , whereby he best shall quench this passions tinder , and many an angry fumish fit may hinder . of iealovsie . satyr . bvt though these angry-ones soon breed a braule and are pernicious to conuerse with-all . not one ●ot better is the iealous-head , that thinks his friend , and 's wife are still a-bed : this passion , ( as it plainely doth appeare ) proceeds out of a too-much loue with feare ; loue in a match procures the highest bliss , that for vs men on earth ordained is : but adde a feare of loosing of our ioy , and that we loue so dearely , 't will destroy all our delights ; and strewing good with ill , makes that seeme lost which we haue with vs still : thus doth it often with the iealous proue , vvho carefull in the choosing of his loue , hath gotten her that is not faire alone ; but modest , wise , and curteous , hating none , nor yet affecting any but her peere , for which good parts , her husband counts her deere , as well he may , her vertues he 'll vphold , dares sweare she will not be allur'd with gold . honor , nor beauty ; but as she is chast so hee 's perswaded will be to the last ; and to himselfe so well he seemes to thriue , he thinkes his owne the happiest choise aliue , 't is good : thus for no hurt , he wiued well ; but soft there , there is an after part to tell ; this man when he by daily proofe doth see , his wife no other then a wife should be , it so augments his loue to that extreame , he knowes not if he be awake or dreame ; now doth this loue ( for loue will euer doe it ) for a companion take in feare vnto it ; a feare of loosing what he loues so much ; and then the nature of this feare is such , that it begets suspect ; which creeping in doth by a little at the first begin to make him doubt his spouse doth loosely liue ; whereto vpon a slight report to giue firme credence he seemes loth ; but yet ere long he doth ( but ) think perhaps she doth him wrong , which if he doe , that one false thought 's enough , to giue all former truths the ouerthrow , and why ? suspect growes thereupon so great , see thrusts true iudgement , quite besides her seat : which being done , then straight begins to wane , the good conceit he of his bliss had tane ; for if his friend doth to his house repaire , he thinkes t is onely , cause his wife is faire : but if 't be strangers , he durst pawne his life , there 's some compact betweene them & his wife : yea though their busines to himselfe he find , he thinks t is b●t a hood to keep him blind ; then all the sweet he had is turn'd to sowre , faine would he think well , but hath not the powre ; much care torments his heart , and yet he will , be prying farther to encrease it still : yea , he will seeke , although he truely know , the more he seekes , the more he findes his woe : beside , suspect receiueth in the head , all things that may be mis-interpreted , and the best thought her vertue 's like to winne is onely this : it seru'd to cloake her sinne . in briefe , his liking thus he marreth quight , and there he loath's where once he tooke delight ; but wherefore ? onely cause he doth mistrust , and not on any proofe , that she 's vniust : vnhappy woman haplesly to wed so meere a sot , and such a iealous head ; an owle-eyed buzzard , that by day is blind , and sees not things apparant ; yet can find that out which neuer was . the feare to loose the iewell he aboue all iemms did chuse , that feare , i say , of wit doth so bereaue him , he thinks that 's gone which means not yet to leaue him : oh foolish man , that hauing gain'd a bliss , doost mak 't a curse by vsing it amiss , if iudgement be not blinded in thee ? looke ; try if thou hast not all this while mistooke : is not thy wife still faire ? and to the eye seemes she not yet to haue that modesty , thou didst commend her for ? is she not wary with whom she walks , or speaks , or where to tarie ? is she not still as willing for to please ; as louing toe , as in her former daies ? in shew he sees it , but he thinks 't is fein'd , out blockish dolt that art most iustly pain'd : thou but a few supposed shadowes hast , that makes thee to account thy wife vnchast , but many firme substantiall proofes make cleare , that shee 's vnstain'd , and ought to be as deare as e're she was ; why should an ill in thee make her seeme so , vnlesse she euill be ? a woman that is faire , shall much be view'd , and haue perhaps vnlook't for fauours shew'd , she shall be courted where she will or no , nay be resorted to ; and though she show scarcely so much as common curtesies she shal be censur'd by misiudging eyes , and false reports will fly ; but what of this ? shall he that hath had triall what she is , and ne're saw ought amiss , shall he , i say , cast all the good conceit he had away ; and streight grow iealous , trusting the surmise of the lewd vulgar more then his owne eyes ? it were mad folly ; and yet i doe knowe some that are thus besotted , more 's their woe . and pitty 't were but they had horned him , were 't not a greater pitty so to sinne : should you but sit with such a one at table , to hold from laughter you were scarcely able , to see what note the iealous wood-cock-takes , of his wiues words , and euery looke she makes , in what a feare he eates his meate , and drinks : what signes he vses , how he nods and winks , with twenty scuruy gestures ; though he see no reason he should so suspicious be : now some haue cause enough , but that 's all one ; why should men striue to hold what will be gone , vexing themselues so for anothers ill , which they can neuer help ? let him that will : but this is true , to seeke for to restraine a womans will , is labour spent in vaine ; and he that tries to doe it , might haue bin , one of the crew that bedg'd the cuckow in . why should a man go put himselfe to paine , as some haue done , a iourney for to faine ? and then at night come lurk about his house , where , be it but the stirring of a mouse he doth obserue it : wherefore doth he so ? since if thereby he ought amisse doth know , the greatest good that he shall thereby find , is more vexation to molest his mind : for then the mischiefe he but fear'd before , hee 's certaine of , and need not doubt it more : a goodly meed , but sure those wretched elues , take pleasure in tormenting of themselues ; they hearken , watch , set spies , and alway long to heare some tales or inckling of their wrong : and he that can but whisper some such fable , shall be the welcom'st guest that sits at table , though it be ne're so false ; they loue so well to feele the torture of this earthly hell : but i doe muse what diuell keeps their heart , they should affect the causers of their smart ; those euer-buzzing-deadly-stinging flies ; those that of echoes onely can deuise a formall lie. what if 't be true they say ? it is a meanes to draw thy loue away from her thou ow'st it to ; and that 's a crime , cause she must be thy best belou'd a time , better or worse , be sure thou must abide her , till from thy selse the death of one deuide her : then tell me were it not by much lesse paine ; a good opinion of her to retaine ? could'st thou not be contented by thy will , at least to thinke that she were honest still ? yes sure in heart thou would'st be glad , vnlesse that thou wer 't voide of sense , or mad : why shake off all these claw-backs then that vse thy soone-beleeuing-heart for to abuse ; for ( trust me ) they , are but some spightfull elues , who cause they haue not the like blisse themselues would faine marre thine ; or else i dare be bold , if thou the truth couldst warily vnfold , they are some lust-stung villaines , that did court thy honest wife to some vnlawfull sport : and finding her too-chast to serue their turne , whose euill hearts with foule desires did burne , to spight her ( being far more euill doers , then daniels elders , faire susannaes woers ) to thee they doe accuse her of an ill , vvhereto they sought for to allure her will : nay , this i wish thee whatsoe're he be , that of such dealings first informeth thee ; beleeue him not what proofes so ere he bring . do not giue eare to him for any thing : and though he be the nearest friend thou hast , from such like knowledge shut all sence vp fast ; flye and auoid him as thou wouldst the diuel , or one that brings thee messages of euill : let him be to thee as thy deadliest foe , a fury , or some one thou loathe'st to know ; and be assured what soere he shewes , he is no friend of thine that brings that newes , so if that thou wert his most deadly foe , for any wrong i● were reuenge enough . now some men i haue noted loue as well , the husbands faults vnto the wife to tell , and aggrauate them to : as if thereby they either meant to feed their iealousie , or else stir vp their vnbeseeming hates , against their guiltlesse well-beloued mates : but of these monsters ( fairest sexe ) beware of their insinuations haue a care : beleeue them not they wil coyne tales vntrue , to sow foule strife betwixt your loues and you out of ill-will : or else heere is my doome , they hope to get into your husbands roome by the aduantage of the discontent they 'll worke in you , but their intent they 'l soe disguise , that you shal neuer spy them ▪ til you are snar'd too fast for to deny them : but oh you creatures that for excellence , haue reasonable for a difference , auoid this passion ; if your wiues be ill , aduise them well , but let them haue their will , for curbing makes them worse , and their condition indeed is such they cannot brooke suspition ; restraine them not i say , for as the pouder , being fast stopt makes the report the louder , sending the bullet with the greatest force , so he ●at seekes to barre a womans course , makes her more eager , and can ne're out-striue her , but on she wil because the diuel doth driue her . let those that are so matcht then patience take , and there are none shal know their heads do ake , but beware chiefely that no false surmises , or flying tale some enuious head deuises , make them to wrong their chast and modest wiues , who haue with vertue led vnspotted liues , for though some stand vnmoou'd for that 's the way , to make a woman soonest go astray : but now i think on 't , i do wonder why , the greatest part brand him with infamy , that is a cuckold ? since that all men know , it is not his offence that he is so , i neuer heard a reason for t it 'h schooles , yet sure t is this , the greatest part are fooles : but now i will conclude these i ealous humors , which part i found b'experience , part by rumors ; i feele it not , yet know it is a smart that plagues the mind and gripes the very heart , yet i could wish but for the others sake , their thought-tormenting-paine might neuer slake ; for there 's none iealous , i durst pawne my li●e , but he that hath defil'd anothers wife . of covetovsnes . satyr . . bvt of that passion how mist i to tell , the same that brings her pedigree from hell ? cal'd auarice , a humor vile and base , and yet as common as to haue a face : i muse it scap't , i say , since i le be plaine , i looke not vp but see where it doth raigne ; many i know , and yet indeed but few , that can this slauish dunghill-vice eschew ; i neither can excuse sex nor degree , young folks , nor such as middle-aged be : nay i perceiue them giuen most to craue , vvhen they had need to dig themselues a graue , like earth-bred moles they scramble in the dust , not for the treasure that shall neuer rust ; but for vile cankred drosse is all their care , as if the same their summum bonum were . when all that they haue with their labour bought in my opinion is not worth a thought : i haue knowne chuffs , that hauing well to liue , yea and sufficient for to lend and giue : will naith'less toyle , moile , and take more paine , then a iewes bond-slaue , or a m●●re in spaine ; all day they brooke the raine , haile , frost and snow , and then as if they had not drudg'd enough , they lie and thinke all night with care & sorrow , how they may take as little rest the morrow . 't is strange their minds so much for gold should itch and being gotten that it should bewitch ; it is by nature in a prison pent , vnder our feet i' th' basest element : and shall we pluck't from dungeons , filth , and mire to giue 't the chiefest seat in our desire ? 't were want of iudgement , but braue spirits know t is base , and therefore doe account it so . i haue heard those say that trauell to the east , where this beloued mettaile hath its neast , that in those places where such minerals be is neither grasse , nor herbe , nor plant , nor tree ; a cursed soile ; and this at home i find , that those which too-much do imploy their minde about that trash ; their hearts are ( i le be bold ) as barraine as the earth where men digge gold . this humor hath no bounds , t is a desire , ( or disease rather ) nothing can expire ; 't is hell , for had it all the world , yet , it longs asmuch as if 't had ne're a whit ; a boundlesse gulfe : and i lament their paine who haue this neuer-quenched thirst of gaine ; so bottomelesse a whirle-poole that receaues still , yet the self-same roome still empty leaues ; hee 's mad that food to such a vulture giues that 's neuer full ; and e'ne as good fill siues that haue no bottome , as for to endeauor , to glut a monster that will hunger euer : yet men still striue although it be in vaine ; and though they feele their longing still remaine , they 'l weary out themselues like him that drinks brine , or salt water , and still thereby thinks to slacke his thirst at last ; though he feel 't more augmented , at each draught then t was before : yea , wealth doth as much lessen this desire of auarice in men , as flames of fire alay the heate : besides , though they haue store , this makes them to themselues exceeding poore ; and howsoeuer they may seeme , yet such vntill their dying-day are neuer rich ▪ they very seldome haue respect or care to promise , or religion ; thei 'l not spare to wrong their neighbour , friend , or god himselfe , thereby for to increase their cursed pelfe : they neither reuerence the right of lawes , nor are they touched with the poore-mans cause : they would be well content to shed their blouds , loose soule and heauen , for to saue their goods : to talke to them of better things 't were vaine , for they are onely capable of gaine ; they neuer liue in true societie , nor know they friendship , loue , or pietie ; and in a word , those that are thereby led , neuer doe good till they are sick or dead . and therefore with these vermine i wil place them ▪ that serue to no vse till that we vncase them ▪ i haue obserud ' that such mens children be , borne many times to greatest misery ; for they haue neither mean es nor education , according to their kindred , state nor nation : vvhereby we see that they do often run , into vild actions and are quite vndone ; so then , these greeue to heare they do amisse , but nere consider that their fault it is ; 't is greedines that makes a man a flaue , to that which hee should for his seruant haue , and teaches him for to esteeme of more , the vicioius-ritchman , then the honest poore , alas ! how many are there i could name , iniurious villaines ; that for to defame , or wrong another would forsweare saluation , as if they thought that there were no damnation ? prouided that when they their conscience straine , it be out of a hatred or for gaine : yea there be idle theeuing rogues a many , that haue no vertue , nor wil nere haue any : yet for their wealth shall highly be respected , when honest men their beetters , are neglected , and then●we also see that most men do , put many worthy titles on them toe , that such base scummes must oft entreated be , with good your worship , and with cap and knee : but sure the world is now become a gull , to thinke such scoundrels can be worshipfull ; and yet in these dayes , if that men haue ritches , though they be hangmen , vsurers or witches , diuels-incarnate , such as haue no shame , to act the thing that i should blush to name , doth that disgrace them any whit ? fie no , the world it meanes not for to vse them so ; there is no shame for ritch-men in these times , for wealth wil serue to couer any crimes : wert thou a crooke-back-dwarfe , deform'd in shape ; thersites like , condition'd like an ape : didst neuer do a deed a good-man ought , nor spake true word , nor had'st an honest thought , if thou be ritch , and hap to disagree with one that 's poore ; although indeed hee bee in euery part a man and hath a spirit that 's truely noble , able for to merit euen praise of enuy ; yet if thou wilt seem a man far worthier and of more esteeme , although thou canst inuent no means to blame him yet i can tel a trick how thou shalt shame him , and that 's but this , report that he is poore , and there 's no way for to disgrace him more ; for so this passion doth mens iudgement blind , that him in whom they most perfection find , if that he be not ritch they count him bace , and oft hee s faine to giue a villaine place . moreouer the desire to gaine this pelfe , makes many a braue man to forget himselfe : some i haue knowne that for their worthy parts , their vertue and their skill in many arts , deserued honor ; and ( if any can iudge by the outward looke , the inward man ) for to command men they me thought were born ▪ and seem'd a slauish seruitude to scorne ; yet haue i seene when such as these ( alas ! ) in hope of gaine haue croucht vnto an asse , obseru'd a dolt , and much debas't their merits , to men of vulgar and ignoble spirits ; how many of our finest wits haue spent , their times and studies in meere complement ? greasing with praises many a fat-fed bore , of whom the world thought too too well before : how many now that followed mars his troope whom force of death could neuer make to stoope ? nay more , how many of our graue diuines that should seeke treasure not in earthly mines , what store i say of these , against the haire , ( as goes the common prouerbe ) can speake faire , flatter for gaine , and humor such base groomes , as are not worthy of their horse-boyes roomes ? they wrong themselues , but those are counted wise that now a daies know how to temporize : i cannot brooke dissembling : and i vow , e're i to any golden calfe would bow , flatter against my conscience , or else smother that which i know for truth , to please another , e're i for gaine would faune to please a clowne , or feed great fooles with tales of the renowne of their reputed fathers , when ( god mend them ) thēselues haue nothing why we should commend them , and ere i le coine a lie , be 't ne're so small , for eu'r a bragging thraso of them all in hope of profit ; i le giue vp my play , and fall to labour for a groat a day ; and for my clothing in a mantle goe , and feed on sham-roots , as the irish doe ; for , what contentment can in riches be , vnless the body and the mind be free ? but tush what 's freedome ? look where gold beares sway , it takes that credit , yea and wit away ; corrupts the iudgement , and can make the lawes oft-times to fauour an vngodly cause : besides , a worldly mind doth so affect , where wealth abounds , & beares so much respect to those that haue it : that their vice they deeme to be a vertue , and so make it seeme ; for , say they vse extortion , no men more , vndoe their country , hurt and wrong the poore , be damn'd vsurers , and keep a house , that yeelds not crums enough to feed a mouse : yet they 'l not say hee 's couetous ; oh no , hee 's thrifty , a good wary man , or so . another though in pride he doe excell , be more ambitious then the prince of hell ; if his apparell be in part like vs , italian , span●sh , french and barbarous , although it be of twenty seuerall fashions , all borrowed from as many forraine nations ; yet hee 's not vaine , nor proud ; what is he than ? marry a proper , fine , neat gentleman , or if he be a drunkard that can swagger , goe daily armed with an alehouse dagger , quaffe soule-sick-healths vntill his eyes doe stare , sing baudy songs , and rounds , and curse and sweare ; though he vse gaming , as the cards and dice , so out of measure that he mak 't a vice , turne his owne house into a filthy stewes , keep whores , and knaues , and baudes , as that 's no newes yet if he be a rich man what is he , a rude ranke ruffine if you aske of me , a ruffin ? guep iack sauce-boxe with a wannion , nay hee 's a merry and a boone companion , this is the worlds censure . yet beside , another qualitie i haue espide ; for those diseases they doe shun the poore , they doe abhor a rich-man ne're the more : him i haue knowne that hath disdain'd to sup water , or beere , out of a poore mans cup , for feare of poysoning , or some thing as bad , although he knew no malady he had ; and yet haue i , seene the same curious asse , pledging a rich-man in the selfe-same glasse : when he hath knowne the party ( if you please i le speakeplaine english ) had the french disease : but as the prouerb saith , birds of a feather vvill alwaies vse to flock and feed together : i haue oft mused and doe still admire , that men should hurtfull riches so desire , for weigh it well and you shall find it fils , the owner of it with a thousand ill 's , much worse then these forenam'd : for why we find , it choakes and mar's the vertues of the mind : then we perceiue it greatly doth annoy , vexes the heart , and hinders the true ioy would else be there ; and as it may appeare , loads vs with diuers troubles , cares and feare : it makes vs to grow arrogant , vniust , drawes vnto pleasure , and prouokes to lust : more hopefull for to practise villany , then for to further vs in honesty , it nere contents the owners that enioy it , and those that haue it many times employ it to corrupt iustice ; or for to allure , matrons , or virgins , to an act impure : it hires murthers , and makes men seditious , full of suspect , and enuie , or ambitious : yea it breeds claw-backs , pick-thanks , flattery , makes many theeues and causes periury : it hinders knowledge , for most that haue lands , liue neither by their wisedome nor their hands . they follow sloath and pleasure , not the schooles , and that 's the reason there 's such wealthy fooles : these are the fruits of wealth ; yet that alone seemes now the fairest marke of euery one to make his course for ; and which to attaine , or keep once gotten , we refuse no paine labor nor danger ; yet it doth appeare , they think that all , which they were plac't for here : now ther 's a counterpassion vnto this , which to speake something of 't were not amisse : those , subiect therevnto , haue got a fashion , that 's quite contrarie to the former passion . fore'ne as greedy men are set on fire , with an vnquenched and a soule desire , of hourding riches ( god in heaven amend them ) so doe the other hie as fast to spend them : their 〈◊〉 diuers ; some vaine-glorious asses . consu●n't in gaudy cloathes ; and looking glasses ; others blowne vp e'ne with the selfe same bellowes seeke to obtaine the loue of all good fellowes ; these at the althouse haue their daily pots though they be there or no. and looke what shots , are in their chambers spent , be 't nere so many , he doth them wrong that thinks to pay a penny ; these feast at tauernes their supposed friends , that pay with , thankes , we nere shall make 〈◊〉 : yea , and in more things they haue lauish bin , but those are pathes i'uc no experience in , yet such as they ere many yeares be past , will wish ( i warrant ) they had held it fast , when for their kindnes and their former cheere , they hardly shall procure a cup of beare . but there must needs be some men prone there to , or how a diuell shall our sharker doe ? yet can i not say rightly that these be , from auarice and greedinesse quite free : for though they doe consume it knauishly , and spend it on vaine pleasures lauishly , they gladly would their euill course maintaine , and therefore ouerslip no meanes of gaine , for they haue vsed ( by their owne confession ) secret and open robberies ; oppression , and diuers tricks which show this spending vice , may haue some reference to auarice . others there are , ( but few ) who hauing store , neglect their wealth , and rather would be poore ; and why ? it stops the way to heauen they say ; sure being misimployed so it may : and therefore rather then they should abuse it , 't were good they had it that know how to vse it : for such are lightly weake in resolution , and men but of a simple constitution , or are by some seducing villan taught , that their goods ( rather then their good ) haue sought : now i suppose the man that well obtaines his wealth , and in an honest calling gaines , more wisedome shewes in vsing it aright , then such a cynnick as contemnes in quite . men will be in extreames ; but sure the lesse , is to neglect wealth , for much greedines , makes not the body onely , leane and foule , but also spreads infection to his soule , and clogges her so with things of no account , that she is ouer-poyz'd to much , to mount . but those that for to goe astray are loth , vse their endeuours to auoide them both . of ambition . satyr . . here 's yet another cal'd ambition , little with men of low condition , but 't is a humor which doth euer search , the stout-high-minded , and doth alway perch in men of spirit . this doth farre surmount , the force of loue ; it maketh no account of nature , nor religion ; 't is not law , nor conscience , that can keep such men in awe ; ther 's no estate contents them ; peace and strife are both alike to them ; yea death and life : wiues , children , friends , nor none but such as may ▪ be vnto their ambitious plots a stay , shall be respected ; and so they may reape , what they desire , the 'il not stick to heape murther on murthers ; yea and think 't no sinne , be it of strangers , or their nearest kin : they haue such flinty breasts they can out-beard , danger it selfe , and be no whit afeard ; proud daring spirits ; yet we see , confusion , of such high minds doth prooue the sad couclusion : and he that first was ruin'd by this euill , was our grand foe which wee doe call the diuell : for he aspir'd so high , that higher powers , wrought his iust fall , and now he seeketh ours ; he first infus'd this ill into our brest , for to disquiet and disturbe our rest . this most vnreasonable , strong desire ; this too excessiue longing to aspire to honour and promotion ; which indeed doth from a sottish ignorance proceed ; it is the wild'st and most disorderd'st passion , and a great enemy to contentation , for whatsoeuer state man hath attain'd t is e ' ne as if that he had nothing gain'd ; for he hath hereby still a farther i cope , and neuer reaches to the end of 's hope ; that which he doth possesse he neere respecteth , but altogether things vnknowne affecteth , and counts them best ; which whatsoe're they being once gotten too , are not esteem'd : but what 's the reason that they doe abhor , sseem'd , the things possest that they haue labor'd for ? what is the cause i say they doe contemne , ( or cannot vse ) things hauing gained them ? sure hence it doth proceed ; they doe not know vvhat the things are that they doe long for so . and they obtaine them oft , e're they haue might , and reason fit to gouerne them aright : had many of our reaching yeomanry , that haue growne wealthy through good husbandry , and some of our proud gentry , that haue sought titles , and vndeserued honors bought ; had they , i say , before-hand knowne the shame , and beggery that followed on the same , for want to knowing where to they aspir'd they would not haue those dignities desir'd , and so indeed they might haue walk't the street , and not haue feard the counters nor the fleet : yea and with good-man haue contented bin , where now there 's scarce a good man of the kin . ambitious men wil euer enuious be ; regarding neither loue nor amity , and though that they may make a goodly shew , with reason it can neuer stand i know , they should be faithfull , or with iustice deale , either for princes or for common-weale : for why this humor makes them to attend , and all their labours and best counsels spend , in their owne plots ; and so they haue no losse , they care not whose proceedings they do crosse ; vertuous endeauors this doth also let , yea makes men many a good thing to forget : and though i 'me loath to speake it i protest i thinke it raignes not in the clergy least , for they at first shew great humility , while that they are of meane ability : thei 'l be industrious and take paine to teach , for twise a week shal be the least thei 'le preach : or in their pouerty they wil not stick for catechizing , viziting the sick , and such like dutious workes of piety , as do belong to their society : but if that they can reach a vicarage , or be inducted to some parsouage : men must content the mselues and thinke it well , if once a yeare they heare the sermon bell : now if it be a deanery or so , if not in twelue months it is oft enough , and why ? alas consider that deuotion , is but a busie thing that lets promotion , and if that they should giue their minds too 't all who should haue their great places when they fall ? no , no , t were fitter they their ease did take , and se what friendes and patrons they can make for the next hierarchy ; or learne how to humor and to please the great-ones now ; but , if that they in that aduenture speed , thei 'le be more paineful ; yes , t is like indeed : if they get into their formalibus , and reuerent pontificalibus ; 't is very like i say that we shall heare , they vse the pulpit once in twise a yeare : nay and t is wel if it be done so oft , for this ambition beares men so aloft , they soone forget their duties : and this pride i in the clergy worst of all abide , in them i hold it the most odious , and no ambition so pernitious , eeither for prince , or church , or common good , vvitnesse the beast of rome and his fou'e broo● of clyming cardinals , who from base states , are gotten to be kings and princes mates , yea their superiors . this the diuel makes , his cheefest engine where withall he shakes religions soundnesse ; and rends in it chinks , which he dawbes vp againe with what he think● shall ruin't all in time ; was it not hence , he had his meanes to mar the innocence of romes first bishops ? yes , the church grew strong and flourish't while it was supprest with wrong , but when the worthy emperors embrac't the sacred truth ; and with their fauors grac't their good proceedings ; they then gan to leaue their humble nature off : and closely weaue , vnder a religious shew ( not a bare miter it fits not the successors of saint peter ) a triple diadem ; and such a state , that neuer any earthly potentate enioy'd the like ( yet all with humble preaching ) a long degree i tak 't , beyond the reaching of temporall ambition . but i pray er'e the first beast his time be done away , there rise not vp another monster heere 'mongst our ambitious churchmen ; i should feare a second antichrist , but that i hope they either shall be kept within their scope , or the last iudgement , whose nigh times vnknowne , shall cut him off e're he be wholly growne : but more of these i here omit to speake , because , i thinke there 's no mans sight so weake , but see 's their doings ; yet let none suppose , 〈◊〉 heare meane to defend , or maintaine those that doe our bishops callings disalow . let them that can● for sure i know not how : nor would i haue the world to vnderstand , that i tax all the clergy in the land : or the whole hierarchy : think not so ; for why ; this present age doth yeeld , i know , men that are truely worthy ; i hope many , yea i am sure few times , since christ , had any more knowing or more painefull then some few , and whatsoe're men thinke , yet for to show , though i satyrically carp at those that follow vice and are true vertues foes , i haue not such a spightfull cankred spirit , as to conceale and smother worth and merit : for i le for canterburies grace be bold , out of mine owne experience to vphold , that sea was neuer gouerned as yet , by any one more reuerent or more fit : for ouer and aboue his country cares , wherein he neither time nor counsell spares , besides church busines whereto he applies his mind to further it , what in him lies ; i say beside this publick care at large , few ministers haue , in their priuate charge , showne greater paine : that here the truth i tell , london and lambeth both can witnes well , and thou wert vnhappy london then , when thou didst loose this rare one among men ; yet thou wert blest againe , thy fate did bring , in place of such a father such a king , a maine chruch-piller , and of so great worth , europe can hardly bring his equall forth : and for them both my muse will this put downe , ( who scornes to sooth a king to get a crowne ) had she not thought them to be what she saies , she would haue heere disdain'd to sing their praise : but to go foreword , i do wonder why , men should be subiect to this vanity for i haue seene those that had ritches store , great offices , and fauours , no men more , honor and credit , yea and wisedome to , yet see what an ambitious head wil doe : clyming to high they got so low a fall , they forfeited their honors , liues and all . me thinkes ere they in such an act should stur , t were no't amisse to thinke on aesops cur , who catching but to get a shadow more , did loose the substance that he had before : i might a while vpon example stand , of former times ; but that within this land , the present age , the which i onely view , can yeeld enough to prooue my saying true : and of so many in this kingdome showne , i meane at this time to produce but one : and that shal be the late ambitious plot , the like whereof the world sure yeeldeth not , i meane the pouder treason , and intention , brought ( had not god assisted ) past preuention : yet see ere they could clime to their desire , when they were for to mount but one step-higher ( let god be honor'd for 't ) downe tumbled all , and gaue these hel-hounds a deserued fall : as often as i call to memory , that horrid and detested villany , it makes me sorry such a hellish plot , should scape vnblas'd to be so soone forgot ; but some good wit ere long i do not doubt , vvil vndertake to paint that action out ; and in it owne true sable colour show it , that children that are yet vnborne may know it : and to make plaine that ruine and perdition , are the last periods to conclude ambition : but to that purpose they may labour spend , and per aduenture all to little end : they wil not thinke thereon , for we may see , how lofty-minded stil there 's many be , vvith what desires of titles they haue sought them and at how deare a reckoning they haue bought them : but that with other flowes from vanity , a part essentiall in humanity , vvhich ( if god grant me leaue ) i meane to chase , but must referre it to another place : some haue ambitious heads , but cannot rise , because the want of meanes and friends denies what they aspire vnto : but such are vext , their mind i know is troubled and perplext beyond all reason ; oh strange humor'd men , your folly you wil leaue i thinke , but when ? be with your states content , for do you know vvether you wish be for your good or no ? oyes thinkes one ; if i could once attaine , such offices ; or so much wealth to gaine as this or that man hath ; my wish were ended , and such or such a fault should be amended : but this i say , though they may thinke it strange , vvith the estate the mind doth also change , and when in one thing thou hast thy desire , thou canst not stay there but must mount vp higher and higher stil , vntil thou dost attaine , vnto the top or tumble downe againe : be warned then you that ambitious are , and for to curbe your passion haue a care : else at the length , 't wil certainely deceiue you , but you wil haue your wils to which i leaue you . of feare . satyr . . soft now ; what pasion's this that followes next ? surely i thinke hee 's with a feuer vext , he shakes and lookes so pale ; o me , t is feare ! i le make his humors also to appeare , since i haue found him . this is he that mar's , all our delight on earth : 't is he that bars man the right vse of pleasure . and t is he , that was at first ordaind our plague to be , auoid him you that loue and looke for rest , let a true courage banish him your brest : for this makes not your bodies only num , tremblingly cold , deform'd , and pale become . but 't is a passion vgly , grim , and foule , that doth with greefe e'ne clog the very foule : and comes ( if that i faile not in my skill ) out of a false opinion of some ill , that 's present or to come ; it inly stings , and also for companions it brings both paine and shame ; and diuers haue i seene , that with this feauer haue sore shaken beene ; two but of late whose feare so foolish prou'd , many thereby were vnto laughter moou'd , one came in puffing almost out of breath , as if he hardly had escaped death , and why ? alas ! he thought a whited post , he on a sodaine saw had beene a ghoast : and that surmise did such impression take , that though he after saw 't was but a stake , if yet he do but come that way benighted , he is e'ne with the very place affrighted : th' other came running like a man that 's mad , oh! he had seene the diuel that he had , where in an old house fitting on a block , we lookt and there we found a turky-cock : thus many feare where cause of feare is none , and make themselues a iest for euery one ; yea feare hath made a number so affraid , that they haue oft their dearest friends betraid : for this cause onely i do nere intend , to choose a coward for to be my friend , and if that women be not growne so coy , to scorne to take aduisement of a boy , let them not chuse a coward to their mate , least they repent it as one did of late : for not far off there dwelt not long agoe ( i le tel a tale that many yet do know : ) a gentlewoman not of meanest ranke , whose fauour might haue wel deserued thanke , for that in face and dowry few did match her , many a gallant tride his wittes to catch her : who being kept but narrowly at home , so she were gone she car'd not much with whom ; now see dame fortune that wil seldome part , her fauours vnto men of good desert , brings to the house a fellow that in shew , seem'd worthy of the prize , but was not so ; yet hauing opportunity he tries , gets her good-will and with her thence he flies ; but lo , the parents quickly mist their daughter , rais'd all the towne , and following hardly after . were by meere chance into an old houseled , where this young couple were new gon to bed : you that haue euer in that pickle bin , iudge what a case these naked folkes were in . but what did he ? there leaues his nevv stolne prey , and like a feareful covvard slunke avvay . out on such asses ; hovv could he for shame , so leaue a vvoman to beare all the blame ? and for the greefe s●e suffers vvith her friends , hovv can the villaine make the vvhore amends ? i knovv not : but for playing such a part , 't is certain be hath turn'd the vvenches heart , and she for climing to a cowards bed , hath lost her credit with her maiden-head . such was th' effect of feare . and more , from thence proceedeth cruelty , impacience , breach of our promise , with much enuying together with the hatefull vice of lying ; murthers and treasons toe ; there 's nought so base , so full of villany , shame or disgrace , the feareful would not act with all his heart , to free himselfe from feare of death or smart : yea some would be contented very well , so they might scape death , to goe quick to hell such is their nature ; i my selfe haue seene , feare bring those euils that had else not beene : as it hath brought the plague on some . beside , there 's many a one for feare of death hath dyed : and there be diuers haue so careful bin , to rid themselues from feares which they were in ; that as the ship that doth charibdis shun , they ran on sylla and were quite vndone ; and why ? alas it is the cowards error : to think the present danger ful'st of terror : the feare of euil more tormenteth some , then doth the thing they fear'd whē once t is come men dread what is ; what wil be ; and alas ! many a thing that nere shal come to passe ; if they did only feare apparant things , that likeli-hood of terror with it brings , as troopes of enemies , or theeues , or treason , pirats or stormes at sea ; there were some reason or colour for it then , but they wil quake , at fictions ; at meere nothings ; their hearts ake at their owne fancies : superstitious , at tales of fairies , and of visions , yea i haue seene some heauy and sull sad , because of a poore foolish dreame they had : oh what meanes man that hauing mischeefes store must in his owne conceit needs make them more ? thinkes he those wil not grim enough appeare , vnlesse he apprehend them first by feare ? sure t is a plague the diuel did inuent , to work in man a lasting discontent : and taught it adam , whe revppon he said , i saw my nakednes and was affraid : this is our fault ; but yet i cannot see , a reason why men should so fearefull be : may they not ioy and be as merry still ; with hope of good , as sad with feare of ill ? sure i think yes ; and wil on hope so feed , no ill shal feare me til t is come indeed , for that which likeliest seemes for to betide me , god in his mercy yet may put beside me . and though much proofe hath bred with in my brest , this resolution , yet of all the rest , this last confirm'd it most , for th' other day , when the hard frost had stopt the scullers way , and that the flowing thames with yce was arch't so that the people ouer on it march't , amongst the rest one bolder then was fit , wandring beside the path for want of wit : stept on a peece of yce which with a crack , rent from the maine , and stopt his going back : the ycie fragment ( 't was a heauy token ) swam to the bridge where all the yce was broken , the people look't and he for aid did craue , but oh ! there was no power in them to saue ; which soone conceiuing on his knees he fell , ( i from the bridge perceiu'd him very well ) and lifting vp his handes his ayd implores that sau'd old ionas without sailes or oares ; and see gods mercy when he drew so neere , no hope of safegard seemed to appeare and when that he had three times whirled bin , and that the arch was like to suck him in : beyond our expectation ( in a trise ) there thrusts betweene a greater peece of yce , which comming downe as if it scornd to stay , beat by the lesser for to giue it way , and a while staid it ; but he had beene faine , when that was gone to take his turne againe , had not , next god , the people stood his friend , and sau'd him by a rope that 's some mans end : so this prooues , men may scape a mischeefe now ; when t is so neere them , they perceiue not how , and i do hope this argument is cleere , that we haue as much cause to hope as feare ; more trembling humors i might here vnfold , which , some will be vnwilling to be told , and therefore passe them ; but i do protest , this hurtful monster i so much detest , that i am very loath for to omit , any occasion of disgracing it : yet do i not alow their resolution , that meerely of a hellish constitution , haue such obdurate hearts so hard in euill , they neither seeme affraid of god nor diuell . such i haue noted to , but truely they , are in as bad , but a contrary way . they prate and sweare as if they could affright , and make hobgoblin run away by night , when questionlesse as bold as they appeare , they are perplexed with an inward feare ; yea i haue knowne a trifle or a blast , hath made such champions oftentimes agast . there is a feare that 's good , and hinders sinne , indeed that , euery good man should be in , and there 's a feare that keepes a kingdomes state , from ruine , if it be not taine to late ; t is not a slauish terror , that 's a crime , no rather 't is a wise fore-sight in time : that makes men very heedfull to fore-thinke danger to come , and not as we do , winke at our owne nakednes ; as without care , who spies it , so we see not our selues bare . this feare it is that makes men to prouide against a storme they may the better bide the fury of it ; this 't is keepes off wrong , and makes a city or a kingdom strong , and i much doubt the wanting of these feares , wil make vs smart for 't yet ere many yeares , for since we are become a pretty number , although we can but one another cumber , or serue to make a hubbub , we suppose , there are no nations dare to be our foes , we thinke a wondrous policy we shew , if once in foure years we do take a view , or count the number of our able men , flattring our selues there with ; as if that then ; ( hauing so great and huge a multitude , though we were nere so inexpert and rude ) there were no cause of feare : but a realmes might consists not in the number that must fight , more in their skill , for of good souldiers ten , will foile a hundred vnexperienc't men , such as we are : for , 't is a shame to speake , how wonderfull vnfitty and how weake , this ignorance makes most of vs , except vvhom braue south-hamptons gouernment hath kept in warlike order ; i doe meane indeed our hampshire ilanders , of whom for need a hundred boyes that nere had haire on chin , shal from fiue hundred of vp-landish win both field and towne : by which it may appeare good gouernment with profitable feare vvithin a few short yeares so wel wil thriue , one shal become to haue the odds of fiue : these therefore that haue wisedome for to tell , when they do any thing amisse or well ; stil in this passion obserue a meane , and not to feare nor to presumption leane . of despaire . saty . . no more of feare , for lo his impious brat , lookes now to be admitted ; this is that ; we call dispaire , with ghastly looks he stands , and poisons , ropes , or poin-yards fills his handes , still ready to do hurt ; one step , no more , reaches from hence vnto dam nations dore . this is that passion giues a man instruction , to wrest the scriptures to his owne destruction ; and makes him think while he on earth doth dwel he feeles the very torturing pangs of hell ; it makes men rage , like furies screeeh and houle , with exclamations horrible and foule , like monsters more then men . onely damnation is in their mouthes ; no mercy nor saluation they seeme to hope for : they extreamely feare some monstrous shapes which seeme for to appeare through their imaginations ; and the paine that they in soule and conscience do sustaine , all earthly tortures doth so much exceed , that they haue thought them selues in hell indeed oh what repentant liues , some vow to liue , if god would but once more vouchsafe to giue their health and hope againe : then they would spend their liues , and good , vnto no other end but wholly for his glory : yet there 's now some liuing that haue quite forgot that vow , god giue them grace to looke into their error , or they wil one day find a double terror , some in this agony haue little will , to any thing , vnlesse it be to kill , or make themselues away ; whereto the diuell , the author and chiefe causer of this euill , ( vnlesse that god in mercy him preuents ) is ready to prouide him instruments , i euen quake to thinke what humors be , attending on this hellish maladee ; and for some cause i mean not here to shew them , but pray that all had grace for to eschew them : now some do thinke this passion being taken , can very hardly be again forsaken ; but let none thinke so ; for why ? god in distresse doth neuer leaue man quite without redresse : nor can we say that he hath left vs voyd , of helpe for this , when ere we are anoy'd through satans guile ; for pittying our case , he leaues vs hope of fauour and of grace , if wee 'l lay hold on 't ; which to make more cleare , he let his euerlasting loue appeare , in highest measure , by the sacrifice of christ his sonne for our iniquities ; and also , did not sinne thus make vs blind , for euery greefe of body and of mind , he hath ordain'd a salue : all christians know ( or should at least ) the spring from whence doth flow , a pretious liquor that will quickly cure , our strongest passions , ( if the cup be pure ) or if we do not so presume as stand , and lap it here and there with our owne hand , for that 's the way to sooth vp many a passion , and the all-only cause of desperation ; which from all good-men i do wish as farre , as earth's low center from the highest star , but now dispaire or ▪ , distrust is twofold , one sort of which i haue already told , being concerning matters of saluation , the horriblest and feareful'st desperation , but th' other is alone of earthly things , yet mighty disaduantage with it brings , vvhere it gets entrance ; this makes many loath , to vndertake great matters cause through sloth they do dispaire to reach them ; yea it breeds a carelessnesse in man , and thence proceeds not a few treasons ; for the breach of law , makes many times the subiect in such awe , that he dispaires of pardon for his ill ; and therefore not alone remaines in 't still , but being guilty , for to salue one sore incurs the danger of a thousand more ; and for because he thinkes himselfe vndone , wil for assurance to rebellion runne : besides , there 's some dispairing of their cause , and being brought to triall by the lawes , for some offence are obstinately mute : to these forsooth the commons do impute a manly resolution ; cause thereby , they saue their landes to their posterity ; but sure there is no wise-man wil commend him that so desperately seekes his end ; and wilfully doth cast away him●el●e ( body and soule perhaps ) to saue his pelfe , to some suruiuors ; where as if he bide on hope , and not dispaire for to be tride according to the lawes , he may be cleer'd , and quitted of the danger he so fear'd , as some haue beene : besides , if we indure , but a small paine , if we despaire of cure , ease or amends , 't wil make it seem to be vnsufferable ; whereas if that we haue any hope , the ease we looke to win vvill mittigate the torture we are in ; his winter toyle what ploughman could sustain ▪ if he despaired of his haruest gaine ? and the strong'st army needs must faint and ●ly , if it despaire before of victory . but to conclude it must be vnderstood , dispaires a passion that is no time good , 't is alway hurtfull ; and i can obserue nothing whereto a man may make it serue , vnlesse to helpe a troope of coward fight : for could a man lead them past hope of flight , vvhere they should see there were no remedy , but they must dye or get the victory ; despaire in that case may giue them the day , that would haue lost it to haue run away . of hope . saty . . thrice welcome hope the diuel keep home the tother ( dispaire & feare ar sitting for no other ) this is the passion that of all the rest , we haue most reason to esteme of best : for if it be with good aduise applide , a salue it is god did himselfe prouide to ease not onely euery outward greife , but when the very soule doth want releefe , it wil redresse her paine , although it were the shaking of that hideous monster feare : oh precious balme ! yea , if that man had power , to take it to himselfe at such an hower , when black dispaire doth pinch him , that indeed would quite expell it ; and he should not need apothecary drugs . but what can wee , apply aright and not instructed be , by gods good inspiration ? nay , 't is true ; we are so farre vnlike for to pursue the way we should , that we do follow still , the crooked'st path to loose our selues in ill : this needing hope , we either neuer vse it , or else for want of knowledge do abuse it : yea this that of all passions was the best , is now as much corrupted as the rest ; we must consider then , mans hope is double , one true and certaine : th' other ful of trouble , and most vnconstant : the first hope attends things more immortall , and alone depends , on th' expectation of the certain'st things , and such perfection of true ioy , as brings no trouble with it , this through faith we gaine , and 't is sufficient to make any paine seeme short and easy ; yea it cheares a man , and t is a help , without the which none can endure to liue : but now great store there be , who for because of their infirmity , together through the bad and weake foundation , they build this hope on , make it in some fashion to be blame-worthy : it , cannot indure , nor wil it ( without doubting ) make them sure of what they looke for . now the other kind of hope , which i amongst vs men do find , is of vncertaine earthly things , and this of no continuance and oft frustrate is ; for the best likeli-hoods that may be showne , and the strong'st humane reasons that are knowne , are nothing for to ground a hope vpon ; ( since in the turning of a hand t is gone ) were all the men on earth procured to some easie thing that 's in ones power to doe ; and all were well resolu'd to see it done ; yea , wer 't but one daies work , and that begun , we may wel hope indeed thei 'l bring to passe , so smal a thing as that ; but yet , alas ! none can assure it , for because they know , no warrant from aboue it should be so : and therefore i could wish that euery man , should take vnto him the best hope he can , in all his outward actions ; but foresee , at least on honest grounds it builded be , and therewith be so well prepared still , that if these doubtfull hopes doe fall out ill , he ne're repine , but tak 't as if the same had beene expected long before it came ; and since that fickle trust did nought auaile him , depend on the true hope that shall nere faile him . for that indeed that 's plac'd on wit or strength is vaine , and most vncertaine ; cause at length , how ere it may seeme sure , it will deceiue him , and when he hath most need of comfort , leaue him . besides there 's many to this hope are led , by sundry passions within them bred : as loue , ambition , auarice , and such , 't is true that these will make a man hope much ; but many thereby into errors run so blindly on , that they are quite vndone , cause in their mindes , they hopefully expect , a thousand things which they shall nere effect ; for they giue their desires too large a scope , and doe abuse themselues through fained hope , not hauing plac'd it on a certaine ground ( for then it neuer could be frustrate found . ) but louers hopes , and such as theirs , are bold , on euery paltry trifle to lay hold . and whatsoe're the ambitious doe intend , the hopes they haue to bring their plots to end are drawne frō n' other grounds but their affections which for the most part giue such blind directions , that they , as we may by experience see together with their hopes oft ruin'd be ; but as this passion is now much abus'd , the next that followes is as hardly vs'd . of compassion . satyr . . pitty is knowne a kinde and tender passion , in it owne nature worthy commendation ; and if discretion guide it , well may be of meere alliance vnto charitie ; if not , it then from vertue quickly swerues , and with the rest a like reproofe deserues : now some will muse thereat , such as suppose a man through pitty cannot erre ; but those if they haue any iudgement of their owne , shall say compassion may amisse be showne : yea , and oft is , which they will quickly finde , or else i 'le say their reasons eye is blinde ; first let them tell me , is 't not frequented now , that those the which our country lawes allow iurors for tryall , are oft-times compell'd through a base tender weaknes for to yeeld . vnto this melting passion ? sometime by , a personall respect ta'ne by the eye : sometime for that th' offendor ( it may be , already hath sustain'd much misery : and thinke they not this charity and right ? yet through the ignorance forgetting quite , whilest they an ill deserued life prolong , therein they doe not onely iustice wrong , but by their indiscreete and fond compassion , vnwisely hazard e'ne their owne saluation ; then for their need , or cause they much implore , in common pleas they leane vnto the poore , ( if might o're sway them not , ) and that they trust , ( because they meane well ) may be counted iust : are there not some toe , who would faine be deem'd good common-wealths men ? yet haue misesteem'd that order which for wandring rogues was made , ( and as if they allowd their begging trade ) much pittie those that iustly punisht be , as though it were done void of charitie ? yea they haue dar'd to saie thus much and more , there 's no lawes made now , but against the poore : moreouer , he whose iudgement is so slender , and hath an yeelding heart so fondly tender to stoup vnto this passion , neither spares the lawes of god nor man ; but rashly dares peruert them both ; supposing his intent , shall free him from deserued punishment : these though that god himselfe saies kill ; reply with no alas ? t is pitty he should die : but such as they deserue the selfe same-check he had that spar'd the king of amaleck : for to say truth as vertuous as it showes , a foolish p●tty quickly ouerthrowes , in war an army and in peace a state ; and this i le stand to , 't is as bad as hate , for that and bribes to such a power is growne , iustic● can little in some courts now be showne : yea it is cleere and cannot be withstood , that pitty sometimes hurts the common good , and more we find that god's therby offended , and therefore man must haue this fault amended , and be perswaded 't is his part to see , how farre this passion may admitted be ; for seeme how 't will , all pitty is vnfit , vnlesse gods lawes and mans do warrant it : but i haue noted some kind-hearted asses , worth laughing at , that all the rest surpasses for foolish pitty : but themselues alone , 't is preiudiciall too ; or hurteth none ; to these do you but a tragaedian be , or else recite some ancient historie ; if that the matter which you do relate be sorrowfull and somthing passionate , though it were done a thousand yeares agoe , and in a country they did neuer know , yet wil they weep ( kind-hearts ) as if those men , were of their friends ; and that thing told , but then before their eyes in action : nay , vnfold some new made tale that neuer yet was told , so it be doleful and do represent some strange and lamentable accident : although not only ( as i said before ) it be a matter meerely fain'd , but more ; though that they know it so , they cannot keep their melting eyes from teares but they must weep i might touch parents , chiefly in the city , that mar their children by their cockering pitty , but other passions call me now away ; and yet before i leaue thus much i le say , those fond-kind parents that take rods from schooles haue almost fild the land with knaues and fooles and those that think we need no pitty rue , let them not hold so stil , for this is true , fond pitty rests in no true manly breast ; and therefore you that are , or would at least be counted men ; be not therewith ore ' borne , for t is a passion that novv women scorne . of crvelty . satyr . . bvt here 's another beares vs farther wide , if we embrace it on the other side ; and therefore whilst we seeke for to beware of foolish pitty , we must haue a care least this do ouer-run vs : t is a thing , whose very name doth seeme enough to bring , all men in the opinion to confesse , t is an inhuma●e hellish wickednes : a monstrous passion , so vnfit to rest or harbor in a reasonable brest that beasts , in whom it rather should remaine , doe for the greatest part the same refraine : and yet as odious as it doth appeare , vnlesse men looke to their affections neere , 't will steale vpon them , and they shall begin , not only to be quickly snar'd therein , although at first they doe abhorre it much , ●ut more ; the nature of this passion 's such , it will begin delightfull ; and it makes so deepe impression in the heart , and takes so sound a root , 't will hardly be displac't , whilst that the body by the soule is grac't : and yet some doe supposer i● may with ease , be left or tooke as eu'ry one shall please , but they are wide , like them that ouer-bold , and trusting to their proper strength , vphold , we neede not this same passion discommend , nature sufficient is to reprehend that fault ( they say . ) and they detest it so , reason can neere haue such an ouerthrow , that they should liue themselues for to defile , with any passion that they know so vile : indeed it is a monstrous villany , and most i thinke can raile at cruelty , yet let none be so carelesse , for 't is true , the odious vices we doe most eschew , grow pleasing by degrees : when hasael vvas told what he should doe to israel , full little thought he then his gentle heart , should euer giue consent to act a part , of such a tragick scaene ; and yet we find , he became after of another mind : for our intents and best affections , be exceeding subiect to vncertaintie : those we thinke surest ; and vnlesse each hower , we be remembred such a state is our we should forget our selues . philip , the sire of that bold grecian king that did aspire to be the worlds third monarch , knew full well himselfe to be a man , yet could not tell whereto he might through humane frailty fall , and therefore wil'd his seruant for to call , thus at his window ( ere the day began ) philip , remember that thou art a man. and e'ne as hatefull as this passion is , to be remembred so , 't were not amisse , but men are stronger now they thinke then he , and much lesse prone to imbecillitie ; but you that thinke so , and you that vphold this needs no warning , 'pray let me be bold for to demand some questions , since there be , so few as you thinke stain'd with cruelty ; is he not mercilesse , that without shame doth rob his neighbour of his honest name by raising false reports ? doth not that lord , that to his tenant grudges to afford , what loue and conscience giues ? or he that takes , the common profit to himselfe , and makes his owne good of it , when he knowes thereby many a poore man 's brought to beggery ? doth not i say that landlord hardly deale ? and is he not vnto the common weale . a cruell foe ? some damned vsurers , that are i thinke the diuels treasurers : ( for by the small vse they of riches make they for another seeme their care to take ) are they not cruell , when they cannot be , contented with their statute vsuree but must encrease their gaines by bribes and guifts , with many subtile and vnlawfull shifts ; pinching poore debtors till their greedy hands haue got possession both of goods and lands ? what are out lawyers that can brooke to see , christians like beasts that still a wrangling be , and yet when it lies in their power to part them , will for their owne gaine vnto discord hart them , keeping them still at strife by adding fuell to maintaine an ill flame ; are they not cruell ? yes verily ; and so are not alone , the mercilesse offenders ; but each one : who when he doth perceiue that there is need , is slacke to doe a charitable deed : and what may they be that employ their care , to pamper vp the flesh with curious fare : largely prouiding for the bodies good whilst the poore soule is hunger-steru'd for food ? they are not cruell ? no , t is like that such that can take pittie on themselues so much , are mercifull to others . you will say to poison men 't were ill , then what are they that by false doctrine fraught with errors foule , seeke to enuenome and infect the soule ? cruell they are ( i know ) you must confesse , but then you 'le say t is not that cruelnesse you vnderstood ; as if you did suppose , none through this passion did offend but those that murtherers be : in truth i thinke that this i here recite , not principallest is . for it from other causes doth proceed , whereas true proper cruelty indeed , is when a man delights and longs to see , or doe , some deed that 's full of crueltee : iust such was his that out of a desire , to see how troy burn't when it was on fire , caus'd rome in many places for to flame , and longing to behold from whence he came , ript vp his mothers wombe ; a passiue right vvas also his , that tooke so much delight , for to behold men strangely tortured , that he out of his bounty promised , a large reward to him that could inuent , the cruel'st and vnusuall'st punishment ; vvhich phalaris demanding , was therefore , the first that made his brazen bull to roare ; and like to this are those mens humors to , that vncompel'd , would make no more a doe to murther , till a country were vnman'd , then doth a schoole-boy with a walking wand , to lop downe thistles tops . now these men be passiuely cruell in the high'st degree : and though the first rehearsed be not so , yet thereto they may very quickly grow : vnlesse they haue oft warning to beware , since they already halfe-way entred are : especially the greedy hungry elfe , that would for profit gladly damne himselfe : for auarice doth harden so the heart ; in any mischiefe he may beare a part . no cruelty the couetous refraines , murther nor treason so he may haue gaines . if that i thought 't would any thing auaile , against this passion i could further raile ; but as it raignes in man experience showes ; so that 't is euill there is none but knowes : wherefore i 'le say no more but onely this , as he is blessed that meeke hearted is : so for the cruell lightly doth attend , a heauy curse , and a most fearefull end . of ioy . satyr . . of all the passions handled hitherto , vvith this that followes i had least to doe : and yet by some small trials i haue had , 't is better i perceiue then being sad : yea 't were the greatest blessing that might be , were 't of it selfe , and from all combrance free : but seldome 't is or neuer ; cause that such , is our estate ; as if that fa●e did grutch the vse of simples ; we almost can finde , nothing to pleasure vs in it owne kind : neuer could any man as yet obtaine ioy , but there follow'd either shame or pain : and he no question that 's allowed most , doth deerely pay for what is quickly lost : but now the reason why mens ioy so soone is chang'd to sorrow ; is because there 's none , or very few that doe their gladnesse found vpon a sollid , firme , substantiall ground : but on such subiects as no maruaile tho , it doth receiue so quick an ouerthrow and hath so sharpe a farwel : for one , ioyes in dogs , apes , monkeis , or some such like toyes , and when they faile , as how can they last long ? their mirth is finish't ; they must change their song . some in their honor all their ioy dooe place , but let them take good heed : for if disgrace , adde the least motion vnto fortunes wheele , sorrow takes place , and little ioy they feele : take but away his substance you destroy the miserable rich mens onely ioy , and soone by sicknesse that delight 's defac't , which man in beauty , or in strength hath plac't : yea all our ioy in transitory things they being lost , at last a sorrow brings : and therefore i wish men to make their choice , of that wherein 't were fit for to reioyce , and not in thinges so friuolous and vaine , they must repent them for their ioy againe . some do so firmely settle their delight on things vnworthy that they are e'n quite bereft of vnderstanding when they see , they must of them againe depriued be : but oh you men ( that haue your better parts , of an immortall frame ) awake your hearts , and from●delight in drosse , and clay , remooue your ioyes ; and place them vpon thinges aboue : so shall you still haue cause for to reioyce , and not with sorrow thus repent your choyce . another fault i in mans ioy espy , which i 'le illustrate by this simily , looke how those men that being calm'd at sea , and forc't the leasure of the winds to stay , halfe starud for food , once cast vpon some shore , where , of prouision they are seru'd with store : i say looke how those men by taking in , to their weake stomacks that haue fasting bin a little food ; do then begin to faint ; and cause their pallates they do not acquaint , with a spare dier , ( although it wholsome be ) through former want and their infirmity it workes their bane ; right so it fares in this , for he that alway in some sorrow is , and tost vpon the boistrous seas of care if for his comfort he be landed there where ioy abounds ; his heart , where ( none hath bin full many a day before ) receiues it in , so out of measure ; that it euen makes the soule vnquiet , and thereby he takes a surfet ; whose strong violence is such , the body faints or is endanger'd much . i need not stand on proofes for this , i trow , since there be many by experience know , at sodaine telling of some newes that 's good , diuers haue sencelesse and amazed stood . yea bin so rauisht with the ioy they tooke , that they haue e'ne their liues and all forsooke , though flesh be fraile , me thinkes if eu'ry man , would striue to curbe his nature what he can ; armes of resistance they might better weild , and not so basely to their passions yeeld : yea it befits not him that ought to be , at all poynts fenc't with magnanimity , to suffer any mischeefe to anoy his mind , through either too much care or ioy ; but let these passions of each other borrow , he may be sad with mirth and glad with sorrow , much i might speake more ( some perhaps wil say ) but here my muse is now resolu'd to stay : yet if heereafter i haue ioy in store , if it be needfull , i wil tel you more . of sorrow . satyr . . of this said passion i may knowledge take , and wel say som-what for acquaintance sake , i heare it is complain'd vpon of many , yet i dare say it seldome hurteth any , excepting those by whom 't is entertain'd , and such indeed haue with iust cause complain'd : for whilest they keepe it they shall neuer rest , 't is so vntam'd and troublesome a guest : yet such a guest , though he his host diseases , 't is thought he cannot rid him when he pleases . yet if that man would vse the meanes he might , sure by degrees he might out-weare it quite ; yea t is his part and duty . for should he , that must on ●arth iehouahs viceroy be ? should he to whom his soueraigne lord hath giuen a countenance for to behold the heauen ? should he , i say , blot out this manly grace , and groueling turne to earth his blubber'd face ? it were a shame : yet more shall he that saith , he is a christian and seemes t' haue faith , for losse of friends ; when there 's no remedy , be passionate in such extremity , that childish teares not onely staines his face , ( which may be borne withall in such a case ) but also raues , growes furious , and extends his griefe past reasons limits ; who commends a man for that say , is it any lesse , then to deny by deed what words professe ? for who would think which fees how he bewailes , the losse of breath that in a moment failes , that he beleeues , but rather thinke 't is vaine , to hope or trust , the flesh shall rise againe ; or that there were , as holy scripture saith , any reward for them that die in faith . it 's a plaine token of a misbeliefe , when christians so ore whelme themselues with greef : and therefore though i doe not discommend , the moderate bewailing of a friend ; i wish the extreame hereof men might despise , least they doe their profession scandalize : beside though as i seem'd to say before , vnles 't be common , 't is no common sore , because it hurts but those that entertaine it , yet were it good if all men could refraine it ; for it not onely makes mans visage be wried , deform'd , and wrinkled as we see , himselfe exiling from the common eye , to vexe and greeue alone , he knowes not why : but also brings diseases with his death , by the vntimely stopping of his breath . ●t makes his friends to loath his company , and greatly hinders his commoditie , for who for dealings in affaires is fit , vnlesse with good will he attendeth it . and howsoere it seeme , yet surely this , as farre from vertue as bad pleasure is , for as through one one we to much euill runne , so many good things th' other leaues vndone : i wonder that this passion should touch , the harts of men to make them greeue so much as many doe , for present miseries ; haue they no feeling of felicities , that are to come ? if that they be in paine , let hope giue ease ; it will not alwaies raine , calmes doe the roughest stormes that are attend , and th' longest night that is will haue an end . but 't is still bad thou saist , take 't patiently , an age is nothing to eternitie , thy times not here : enuy not though that some seeme to thee happy ; their bad day 's to come , and if thou knew'st the griefe they must sustaine , thou would'st not thinke so hardly of thy paine : i must confesse 't was once a fault of mine , at euery misaduenture to repine ; i sought preferment , and it fled me still , whereat i greeu'd , and thought my fortune ill ; i vext to see some in prosperitie , deride and scoffe at my aduerstie ; but since aduis'd , and weighing in my minde the course of things , i soone began to finde the vainenesse of them ; these i saw of late in bliss , ( as i thought ) scorning my estate , i see now ebbing , and the once-full tide that ouer-flow'd the lofty banks of pride , hath left them like the sand shore , bare and dry , and almost in as poore a case as i. besides , i view'd my daies , now gone and past , and how my fortunes from the first to th' last were link't together ; i obseru'd , i say , each chance and deed of mine , from day to day , that memory could keep ; yet found i none , not one thing in my life that was alone : but still it either did depend on some that was already passed , or to come ; yea , the most childish , idle trifling thing , that seemed no necessitie to bring ; in that hath the beginnings oft been hid , of some the waightiest things that ere i did : but cheefely to abate the excessiue ioying , in worldly things ; and to preuent th' annoying of any sorrow , this i noted thence , ( and euer-since haue made it a defence for both these passions ) i haue truely seene , that those things wherewith i haue ioyed beene ▪ highly delighted , and the dearest lou'd , euen those very things haue often prou'd , my cheefest care : and i haue found againe , that which i deem'd my greatest losse , or paine , and wherewithall i haue been most anoyd , and should haue deem'd a blessing to auoid ; that which my heart hath ask't for ; and wherein , i thought me most vnhappy ; that hath bin the ground of my best●ioyes : for which cause , i aduise all men that are in misery to stand vnmou'd , for why they doe not know whether it be to them for good or no : they ought not for to murmur nor to pine at any thing , shall please the powers deuine to lay vpon them : for my mind is this , each sorrow is an entrance into blisse . and that the greatest pleasure we attaine ; is but a signe of some insuing paine . but to be plainer , this our life 's a toy , that hath nought in it worth our griefe or ioy : but there are some base-minded dunghill elues , that sorrow not for any but themselues . or if they doe 't is onely for the losse of some old crest-falne lade ; but that 's a crosse past bearing ; be it but a rotten sheep , or two stale egs , they will such yelling keep , as if thereby had perished a brood , in which consisted halfe the kingdomes good : but i intreat them since it must befall , they would be patient ; who can doe withall ? and also let them of much griefe beware ; for there 's small ods betweene the same and care : and they haue heard ( i need not tell them that ) 't is an old saying , care will kill a cat. then let them take heart , chiefly since they see , none liue but sometime they must loosers be , vvhich is an ease : for i haue heard them tell , with mates they care not , if they goe to hell . but in good earnest now let vs not runne , willingly hereinto as we haue done ; rather auoid it as a hurtfull foe , that can effect nought but our ouerthrow : and yet instead receiue into our breast , an honest mirth , which is a better guest ; and whatso'ere our former griefe hath been , let vs nere sorrow more , but for our sinne : thus with this passion end the rest will i , because it ends not till our end is nigh . the conclvsion . thus haue i labour'd some effects to show , that doe from mens abused passions flow ; which from example of old ages past , and wise-mens sayings , i might more haue grac't ▪ but that i am resolu'd to tie my rimes as much as may be to the present times ; also i might amongst these here haue told , the bodies passions ; as hunger , cold , heat , thirst , and such like ; but their force is seene , and most men haue sufficient carefull beene for to preuent them ; they last not so long , nor are by much so violent and strong , or dangerous as these : but if men knew , or with the eyes of reason would o're view these foule-bred maladies , as sure they ought , they would with greater diligence haue sought the cure of them , then of such slight diseases ; the which their bodies and no more displeases : but now the reason men disturbed are , for the most part with such preposterous care is this ; through their corrupted iudgement they , doe onely on things seene depend and stay ; which being most apparant to the sense , so muffles vp the weake intelligence , and blinds her that she hath no power to see , the better things that more subsisting be ; when if they could conceiue but halfe so well the soules estate , they 'd labour to expell all these corruptions , that may cause her woe , all those fell passions that molest her so : but some men haue in this opinion stood , that eu'ry passion 's naturall and good ; indeed philosophers the same doe call , a motion of the soule that 's naturall ; and in some sort we may not be afraid , for to vphold as much as they haue said : but thus we must distinguish on it then , and make a two-fold passion in men , of which , one sort vnto the best aspires , and that alone , things meerely good , desires , therein reioycing ; moderate , and weake in operation ; and the truth to speake ; we haue it rather by gods inspiration , then bred within vs at our generation : the other , as th' effects thereof doe show , doth by our owne corrupted nature grow ; for it is head-strong , rash , insatiate , wondrous disordred , and immoderate , of which kind these are , whereof i haue spoken , and they are oft the cause mens sleeps are broken ; that 't is which makes them raue , or greeue , or ioy so out of measure for a trifling toy ; yea that 't is onely makes them oft so teasie , their friends seem troublesome , their beds vneasie , and lastly , these are the occasions still , of all misfortunes , and of euery ill ; th' effects they doe produce we also see , contrarie to their expectations be ; for he that hopes , or lookes for to attaine , great ioy & pleasure haps on greefe and paine : but by what meanes may men these passions kill ? sure not by the procuring of their will , as some imagine . for first it may be , a thing that 's not in possibilitie for to be reacht vnto . but say it were , will the ambitious-minded-man forbeare to be ambitious , if he once fulfill his longing thoughts ? no ; he will rather still , encrease that passion which first he had or fall into some other that 's as bad ; for altring the condition or estate , the soules vexation doth no more abate , then changing roomes or beds doth ease his paines that hath a feuer ; since the cause remaines still in himselfe : but how and which way then may these diseases be recur'd in men ? why by philosophy , counsell , and reason , these being well appli'd in their due season may do much good . else seek the cause whence rise , these hurtfull and pernitious maladies . let them consider that , and so they may , cut off the ' ffect by taking it away . but if they cannot the occasions find i le tell them 't is a basenesse of the mind : or els a false opinion that 's in some , of good or euill present or to come . respecting good things thus : they do desire and are to yehemently set on fire ▪ with coueting what seemes so ; or anoying , themselues with an excessiue ouer-ioying , in the obtaining . in regard of ill , they are oppressed with some sorrow still ; so that we see if men would goe about , to change their minds , and driue that basenes out through magnanimity , ( and note well this , that passion but some false opinion is , fram'd by the will , and drawne by the direction of iudgement that 's corrupted by affection ) me thinkes they might by reasons help confound , the former errors that haue tane such ground , in their weake hearts , and learne for to esteeme , that which doth either good or euill seeme : ( and in their soules such perturbation wrought ) as things not good , nor ill , and that which ought , ( being vnworthy ) neither to molest , nor breed such passions in their carefull breast . by these and other such like meanes as these , the wise philosophers in elder daies kept out those furies , and 't were now a shame , if that we christians could not doe the same : hauing besides those helps whereon they staid , a certaine promise of a better ayd , if wee le but aske it : le ts demand it then , to rid these euils from our soules agen . if that we feele them yet not stirring in vs , let vs preuent them ere by force they win vs : for 't is more easie ( eu'ry one doth know ) for to keep out , then to expella foe : if any thinke i from my purpose swarue , cause my intent was chiefly to obserue and not to teach ; let them not blame me tho ; for who can see his friends lie sick , and know which way to cure them ? but you 'l say my skill , cannot instruct you : yet may my good-will be worth accepting , and the other neither , a thing to be reiected altogether : for , i haue seene when in a knowne disease doctors with all their art could giue no ease to their weake patient ; a country dame , hath with a home-made medicine cur'd the same : and why not i , in this ? yes , i le abide it ; being well vs'd it helps , for i haue tride it : thus much for that ; but still there doth remaine some obseruations yet for to explaine ; i haue not done , for i am further task't , and there 's more humors yet to be vnmask't , wherein because i will not step astray nor swerue from truth a iot beside the way , i 'le say no more ( least men should seeme belide ) then what my owne experience hath espide ; and then if any frowne , ( as sure they dare not ) so i speake truth , let them frowne still i care not : but if my muse you should so saucy finde , sometime to leaue her notes , and speak her minde , as oft she doth , when she but haps to see , how vaine , or weake , or fickle , most men be ; yet blame me not , 't is out of the good-will i beare to you , and hatred vnto ill : which when i see , my purpos'd course i breake , because , indeed , i am compel'd to speake : yet thinke not , though i some where bitter be , i count my selfe from all those vices free ; rather imagine 't is to me well knowne , that here with others faults i tell mine owne . the end of the first booke . the second booke . of the vanity . inconstancie , vveake-nesse , and presumption of men. precatio . thou that createdst all things in a weeke , great god : whose fauour i doe onely seeke , e'ne thou by whose sweet inspiration , i vndertooke this obseruation ; oh grant , i pray , since thou hast dain'd to show , thy seruant that which thousands doe not know , that this my noting of mans hum'rous passion , may worke within me such an alteration , i may be for my past offences sorry , and lead a life to thy eternall glorie . let not ambition , nor foule desire , nor hate , nor enuy set my heart on fire , reuenge , nor choller , no nor iealousie , and keepe me from despaire and crueltie , fond hope expell , and i beseech thee blesse , my soule ●rom feare and too much heauines . but giue me speciall grace to shun the vice , that is so common ; beastly auarice : yea grant me power i not onely know , but flye those euils that from passion flow . moreouer now inspire my soule with art , and grant me thy assistance to impart , the rest of mens ill customes , yet remaining , and his vaine humors ; that by my explaining , they may perceiue how odious i can make them , blush at the reading and at last forsake them : so let my muse in this and things to come , sing to thy glory , lord , or else be dumbe . the second booke . of the vanitie , inconstancie , weaknes , and presumption of men. of vanitie . satyr . . my muse , that now hath done the best she can to blaze corrupted passion bred in man , goes further here , and meanes for to vndoe , another knot of ill 's he 's prone vnto ; from which , as out of the main root there growes , all whatsoeuer euill , mankind knowes , with thousands of bad humors , of which some , ( such as to mind by obseruation come ; as also , such as are the proper crimes of these vngodly and disorder'd times : ) she means to treat off : the chiefe heads be these , ( consider of them reader if thou please ) first vvanton , and light-headed vanity , next that , camelion-like inconstancy . then , miserable weaknes ; lastly this , damned presumption , that ore-daring is . but ere i doe begin this worke , that i may speake to purpose with sinceritie , lord i beseech thee help me to explaine , and teach me to contemne the thing that 's vaine , i haue begun in thee this my endeauour , and constancie i craue for to perseuer ; also my knowledge i confesse is weake , yet through thy strength and truth i hope to breake these mires of sinne , from which mankind , kept vnder , must be let loose ( like beds of eelles by thunder ) then that i may man's pride the better see , from all presumption lord deliuer me . likewise disperse the foggy mist of sinne , that to my purpose hath a hindrance bin , and th' euill by thy wisedome i perceiue , lord let thy mercy giue me grace to leaue ; that being free my selfe , i may not coldly , tax others faults but reprehend them boldly . so hauing for this good assistance praid , my muse goes forward trusting to thine ayd , to guide me in the wildernes of sinne , great vanities suruey : for being in , i see now 't is an intricate maeander , in which ( i feare ) i shall confus'dly wander : it is a labyrinth so full of wayes , and seemes so endlesse if my pen o●ce strayes , as doth the fisherman amazed stand , that knoweth not , which way to row to land , when all alone in some close misty day ; far from the hauen he hath lost his way . knowing he may as well strike vp the maine , as turne vnto the wished shore againe ; so i doe feare least this may carry me , into an ocean where no sea-marks be . because what way so ere my course i bend , there vanity i see without all end ; which hath not vnder her subiection gain'd such things alone as are on earth containd , or vnderneath the orbs of ayre and fire , but reaches farther and encroaches higher ; according to his meaning , who said plaine , that all things vnderneath the sunne were vaine : but now i thinke it may a question be , whether the sunne , the moone and starres be free , for sometimes false predictions they impart , or are belyed by abused art ; but of man onely here my muse must tel's who is by much more vaine then all things els . for vanity his reason ouerswayes , not onely on some certaine monthes or dayes , but is at all times in him resident , as if it were his proper accident ; neither doth age , in which he groweth on , any thing lessen the proportion of vanities he had . but in the steed , of some reiected follies there succeed others as bad : for we perceiue when boyes , begin to man , ( asham'd of childish toyes ) these then leaue off , their former idle chat , and foolish games ; but what 's the cause of that ? for being ill ? no ; rather they contemne those bad things as not bad enough for them ; and as one poore , playes first for points and pins , once growing rich leaues that , and then begins to venture crownes , dislikes not gaming tho he shun the first game as not fit enough , for his estate ; so yong men doe forsake , the rope-ripe tricks , that their first age did take cheef pleasure in ; not cause they wicked deem them but being men they think 't will not beseeme them ; then hounds & haukes , & whores a● their delight ; quarrels and braules doe fit their humors right , disordred meetings , drunken reuellings , consuming dice , and lauish banquettings , proud , costly robes , this is the yong mans vaine , the which his elder doth dislike againe , not since ill neither : but because his yeares , him vnto other vanities endeares ; as selfe conceit , much care for worldly pelfe , heaping vp what he nere enioyes himselfe , prone to contentions , much desiring still , be it his weale , or woe , to haue his will. extreamely louing lies , and giuen to prate , yet making shew as if he both did hate : yea old men boast of what they did in youth , vvhich none disproouing we must take for truth : and thousands more or else they are belied , each age is pester'd with ; and yet beside , vanities●proper vnto each degree , millions of thousands i suppose there be . princes haue these , they very basely can , suffer themselues that haue the rule of man , to be oreberne by villaines ; so insteed , of kings they stand , when they are slaues indeed . by blood and wrong a heauenly crowne thei 'l danger t' assure their state heere ( often to a stranger . ) they quickly yeeld vnto the battaries , of slye insinuating flatteries , most bountifull to fooles , too full of feare , and far to credulous of that they heare . so giuen to pleasure , as if in that thing , consisted all the office of a king. but if heere in my harmeles halting rimes , were onely ti'de vnto this place and times , and shold of none but of my soueraigne tell , spight of her heart she could not speake but well ; for ( i suppose ) the truth i must confesse . that vanity no prince ere harbord lesse then iames hath done ; vnlesse corrupted stories , rob's former ages of deserued glories . if any say to sooth i now deuise , his heart i know wil tel his tong he lies , for did i not thinke true what heere i sing , i 'de not wrong iustice for to please the king. great men are vaine toe , in much se●king fames , with nimrod and his mates ; they raise their names by building babels ; yea and they suppose , honour consists in titles and in showes . they thraso-like in parasites delight , that do in presence claw , in absence bite . they vse their pleasures not as pleasures now , or recreations as 't were fit , but how ? 't is all their care , their cheefe and only ioy , in satisfying which ; they doe employ , both wealth and wit and all . if they would take somthing in hand for recreations sake , they are wi●h pleasures so o'recloy● we see , it must be that which their affaires should be , a wondrous vanity ! and their care , is for rich rayment and the curioust fare ; pam●ring their flesh when all is but in vaine , for dust it was and shal to dust againe . then since their euils we seeme not to see , in vaine they think that they wel thought of be ; tush , men their lewdnes cease for to repeat , why : cause th' are faultles ? no because th' are great● but for their vices though now none dare shew the , ̄ vnlesse they mend another age shal know them ; and therefore if they count their honors deare , let them be good as wel as great men heare ; let them leaue vanity and not suppose , the world wil euer blinded be with showes , for that great mighty peere that died so lately , ere while was mighty , powerful , and stately , he was most croucht vnto and oft implor'd , yea almost like a demi-god ador'd ; he onely ( as my selfe haue heard some prate , ) was the vpholder of the brittaine state. and all the wit this kingdome did containe , some thought was harbor●d in his little braine , ahd had he liu'd ( if all be true men say ) he might haue wel beene pater patriae . but now alas hee s gone , and all his fame you sees not able to preserue his name from foule reproach ; but each one breaks his mind which shewes though they winkt they were not blind in spight of all his greatnes , 't is wel knowne that store of rimes , and libels now are sowne in his disgrace : but i heare diuers say , that they are slanders , ( then the more knaues they that were the authors ) but if so it be , he were from those vild imputations free ; if that his vertue 's paid with such a curse , what shal they looke for that are ten times worse ? wel nobles i le the court ere long suruay , and if i find among you such as stray , through vanity or pride ; vnlesse it be , into some small faults through infirmity , if there be no man that dare taxe you for 't , my muse shal do it e'ne to make me sport , for though she keepe but a plaine hobling forme , shee shall haue wit enough to make you storme . i wil not spare you thus , til death do fet yee , but rub you whilst you are aliue to fret yee . yet do not think ● meane to blaze your shame , in scattered libels , that shal want a name . no ; i hate that : i le tell the illes you doe , and put my name for witnesse therevnto . then 't is but fetching me ad magistratum , and laying to me scandalum magnatum , which though you proue not , rather yet then faile , you were best hang or clap me into iaile to stay my tongue ; so much you may do to me , and that 's the worst i know that you can do me . but whether runnes my ouer-sawcy pen ? there 's vanity , besides in noblemen . the gentleman , for some repute but vaine , beyond his power oftentimes doth straine , our yeomen toe that neuer armes haue borne to gentillize it makes themselues a scorne ; but their gaine 's enuy , with a greater charge ; yet of these fooles the catalogue is large . then ere that lesson be halfe taken forth , they must ad knight-hood or 't is nothing worth : mony may get it , therefore many sue it , although with shame and beggery they ●rue it . and credit they expect in vaine thereby , for it turnes rather to their infamy ; because it is bestowne without deserts , and yet in troth our knights haue done their parts . for most haue well deseru'd it , but as how ? brauely in field , en'e in a field at plow . but why looke we in meere humanity , for that which sauors not of vanity , since diuine matters cannot quite be free , but with the same must oft corrupted be ? diuines , striue not so much for to impart , the truest doctrines as to shew their art : the grace their speach more with vaine words for sound , then with graue sayings , needful and profound ; but t is a vaine thing , wondrous full of shame , and in my iudgement highly merits blame , to paint o're that whose beautie 's neuer fuller , then when it shines forth in it proper colour . againe they striue what ceremonies fit and best beseemes the church , meane while omit more weighty matters ; who that 's wise would stand , like many wrangling spirits in this land , vpon such idle questions as they know , 't is no great matter on which side they goe ? and such as best in my conceit befits , none but vnquiet and seditious wits . heere 's my opinion : be they not the cheefe grounds of religion , or the same beleefe saluation comes by , that men go about by their inuentions for to bring in doubt , so 't be not that they touch , ( as sure they dare not ) let all the rest go which way 't will i care not , haue not our lawyers many vaine delayes , vnnecessary writs and idle staies , for to prolong mens suites ? when they might foile , the party faulty e'ne with halfe that quoile , they 'l for their fee relate some pretty tale , like the wise story of old iack i'ith vale , which ( if they once haue thorowly begun ) vndo them quite that tarry til 't be done . iack doe , dick roe with whom y 'ad ne're to doe , thei le bring to help your cause and god knowes who and for your benefit they can affoord , many a foolish sencelesse idle word . which they i know will not account as vaine , since that 't is with a vengeance brings them gaine . besides as i suppose their lawes they pen'd , in their old pedlers french vnto this end the vulgar should no farther knowledge reach , then what shall please their maisterships to teach ; or else they haue the selfe-fame policie , as the professors of damn'd papistry , who sacred writ in forraine tongues conceal'd , least that their knauish trickes should be reueal'd . what can they not in our owne language find , words of sufficient force t' expresse their mind ? that cannot be denied , but t is a trouble , so easily to counterfeit and double in a knowne tongue , when th' other but a few , can vnderstand , but that obstreperous crew . these make the lawes almost to none effect , their courses are so wondrous indirect , to them they fauour they delaies can grant , though iustice her due expedition want . sometimes vpon one matter we may see , that sundry iudgments shal pronounced be ; now there 's a motion granted , next day crost , so fee and labour 's to no purpose lost : and stil the clrent shal be so deluded , that when he hope 's al 's done there 's nought concluded nay though we heare the vtmost sentence past , which by all course of law should be the last ▪ why then , i say , ( though all seeme wholly ended ) yet may the execution be suspended : and for some trifle , to the poore mans terror , be cald in question by a writ of error . so that the right oft yeelds vnto the stronger , vvhen poore mens purses can hold out no longer . oh miserable state ! what should we say ? may not the country think themselues a prey these rauens liue on ? may we not suppose , by their delayes , and some such tricks as those , they practise only for to cheat and gull ; and on our ruines fil their gorges full ? yes questionlesse ; for they , themselues do raise , vnto this height on other mens decayes , not their owne vertu●s ; oh though't be too late , yet let me wish that we had kept the state and simple innocence we once retain'd , for then we had not of this ill complain'd , nor yet those moouers of sedition knowne , ( now to a mony-headed monster growne . ) but since that time is past , we may complaine , yet must nere looke to see those dayes againe , we haue good lawes , but they too , seeme in vaine , since they according to each lawyers braine , may be now wrested too and fro to make the matter good that he doth vndertake ; i 'le say it plainely , and yet not belye them , there 's few but rich-men can haue iustice by them . and pray you iudge now , is not that law vaine ? which when it is enacted ( to restraine , some priuiledge or custome that hath stood as a great hinderance to the publike good ) should of it vertue be so slightly gui'd , as by a licence to be disanuld . moreouer there be some too much to blame , or poenall lawes are onely lawes in vaine , made in terrorem tantum , to affright and not for execution of the right : and i may liken them vnto those logges , that iupiter threw downe to rule the frogges ; at first they come forth with such thundring terror , that we doe tremble to commit an error , but in a day or two they are so still , for ought i see , we may doe what we will , vnlesse that we be poore ; or some despight vs , then peraduenture thei 'le go neere to fright vs a tweluemonth after ; if so long they last , twenty to one then all the furie 's past . did you but note it you would much admire , to see how strictly iustices inquire , on daies of sitting , what abuses raigne , how those they threate that slackly doe complain , how they wil raile and fume , and chafe , and storme as if all evils they would quite reforme within a moment : but things violent cannot you know be long time permanent , nor is their zeale ; for surely ( god amend it ) one twise twelue howers will begin and end it . but why are they so earnest then ? oh know , that the small springs within the dales below , glide gently on , vntill a land-flood fils their empty channels from the higher hils . but when thei 'le swell vntill they can discharge , their burthens in some plaine to runne at large , so these low magistrates , would gladly sleepe , and their owne easie crooked channels keepe ; but when that any streame of ivstice showers , and comes downe to them from the higher powers then peraduenture the 'le grow big a day , and iustice shall haue course the nearest waie : yet in a little space she must be faine , to runne within their winding banks againe . some falsely haue affirmed iusti●e blind , yet i am sure she knows how to finde ( if that she be disposed for to looke , ) who giues her daie-workes by her counting books . nay she knowes capon , turkey , goose or swan and thee i warrant from another man what ere thou be : but whilest she sees so plaine , it is no wonder we haue lawes in vaine , also when officers doe vndertake their charge at first , lord what a quoile they make a drunkard cannot with his capring feete , cut out indentures , as he walkes the streete , but he 's straight stockt for 't , or for his offence , by fining to the poore he must dispence . then those perhaps that slackly doe frequent gods deuine seruice , somewhat shall be shent ; and many other goodly deeds thei 'le do , but these grow quickly weary of them toe . againe , sometimes comes out a proclamation , which threatens , on the paine of confiscation , that no recusant doe presume to stay within ten miles o th' court from such a day , yet sure 't is notwithstanding ment , that some should daily to the presence chamber come , and shroud within a furlong on 't or two ; some great-one's may ; and so i hope they doe , and by their owne authority no doubt , may keepe the rest from danger thereabout , pish , they at such a matter will but scoffe 'cause they know surely how to put it off . yet i 'le not say it is in vaine ; for why the printer's sometime set on worke thereby : and 't is moreouer for our satisfaction . who else might think the state were out of action , but oh you noble english senators our kingdomes guard , and princes counsellors how can you see your labours so mis-vs'd ? or brooke , to haue your soueraigne so abus'd ? doe you suppose that it deserues no blame , to make a scar-crow of the regall name ? and to erect it on some common stall , for to be gaz'd on , to no end at all ? respect it more ; and vse it not for course or fashions sake ; but shew it hath some force . pluck out those vipers that for feare of harme their chilled spirits in your bosomes warme : d' ye not perceiue their stings ? no danger feare yet ? oh 't is apparant let them not shroud neere yee ? for if you doe , 't is doubtlesse the conclusion , if god preuent not will be your confusion . yet all ( for ought i see ) should still remaine , were there not some , who ( out of zeale to gaine more then religion , or their countries weale , ) their scuruie base conditions doe reueale , in begging and in rifling of some few ; but they their owne corruptions rather shew then redresse any . more i here could vtter but i methinkes already heare some mutter , as if i should be sure of r●mes great curse : but then ●'me sure i shall be ne're the worse . yea , let them go to rome , curse , ban , & spare not , i 'le sit at home and laugh ; because i care not , but why doe i of lawes alone complaine , since all man deales in , is in some sort vaine ? religion is with ceremonies stuft , and with vaine-glory and presumption puft , now our almes-de●ds and guifts of charitie , are done for shew and with hypocrisie . yea , al 's made vaine , for if you would but view our vniuersities ; indeed 't is true , there you may yet see , how that heretofore , in better daies , hath been erected store of pallaces ; ( whose curious build are still , a faire remembrance of the worke-mens skill ) which , least that knowledge in the land should fade , vvere by the patrons of good learning made , that there the muses shelter'd from the rages of former , present , and succeeding ages might safely liue and not beholding be to pyren for his hospitality . 't is also true , there wants not , to sustaine their proper needs , nor yet to entertaine such as desire knowledge , there 's enough ; the worthy founders haue prouided so , but of these profits now why make they stay ? best sel 't , or let some courtier beg't away . for publike guifts are turn'd to priuate vses , faire colledges are ful of foule abuses . and their reuenues i account as vaine , because they lazy dunces do maintaine , who to themselues do claime the profits , by nothing but witlesse seniority . such as saue beard ( with reuerence be it spoken ) of profound learning haue nor marke nor token . good founders dreaming not of these abuses , gaue them at first to charitable vses ; but we find now all alter'd , and the dues , the which by right vpon desert ensues , like offices in court , are bought and sould , and places may be had , but how ? for gold , there as else-where they now are growne so bad , without quid dabis nothing can be had , 't is strange to see what auarice can doe , but are the muses taken with it to ? oh no ? for they esteeme such gaine a losse , and their high spirits scorne such earthly drosse ▪ how then ? there are some cormorants crept in , who in their youth pretended to haue bin addicted vnto knowledge : when alas . t is wel seene since that all their purpose was to snort in ease ; augmenting still their store , til they grow wealthy and their houses poore ; foule droanes , whose voices must be hir'd with mony steruing the bees , while they deuoure the hony . but oh you birdes of athens , cleare your hals and driue those lazy hornets from your stals . through them it is men thinke you couetous , they make your groues and walks grow scandalous , but how wil you discerne them ? marry thus , since they haue made themselues notorious i le point them out ; and though their heads they shroud as venus did aeneas in a cloud , i 'le so vnmask them ; if their eares they show you shal be able to say , there they goe . first note them ; there are some by bribes and fees , can soone passe thorough two or three degrees : and if they sue for ought are not deni'de it : when better students must be put beside it . then there be others who their nests to fether , can keepe in office nineteene yeares together , enforcing many vnto penury , to haue wherewith to feed their luxury . note you not some at fifty winters study , that haue their wits so thin and braines so muddy , they must procure of other men to doe , the excercises they were cal'd vnto ? and sit there not of dunces pretty store , from sunne to sunne at euery tradesman dore ? huge fat curm●dgeons ? tell me , i think no , do commons of three halfe-pence feed them so ? or can such puffes so humberkinlike set , into a pulpit once in seauen yeare get ? sure if they do , their memorie's so weake , when they come there they know not what to speake , nor are they halfe so fit if 't came to proofe . to serue for pastors as to hang at roofe , it is no maruaile then that blockish rout , retaine their places and keep better out , for no good patron that doth conscience make , will vnto them the charge of soules be take : because if such , the flock of christ should keepe , no question they would make but carion sheepe . then they must stay , yet in their stay thei 'le be a plague vnto the vniuersity . for ouer and aboue the mischeefes nam'd the vice for which the younger sort is blam'd , they are most guilty of ; for forc't to tarry , through want ; and by their lawes forbid to marry . thence springs it that the townes-men are reputed , thus by a common voyce to be cornuted : for i haue knowne that such haue daily beene , where younger scollers neuer durst be seene . and all ( vnlesse that they haue eyes like moles ) may see those foxes vse the badgers holes . nor hath their lewdnesse in that action staid , but on the place a fouler blemish laid . which heere indeed i do forbeare to name , least it be to the place i loue , a shame ; and for because i feare some spitefull mates , may taxe them with it that such dealing hates , brought in by them ; for who is so impure , but he that liueth like an epicure . oh mues seeke in time to root these weeds , that mar your gardens , and corrupt your seeds , and you that are appoynted visitors , who ought for to be strict inqui●●tors , to search the foule abuses of these times and see them punisht oh! let these my rimes moue you for to reforme this villany ; or let the hate of damned periury stir vp your zeale these euils to restraine if not for loue of good for feare of paine : which else ( though you set light as at your heele ) as sure as god is iust , your soules shall feele . do you not see now all the wondrous cost of worthy benefactors vainely lost , the lands , reuenues , customes , charters , rents which they haue left for diuers good intents vainely employed ; see the student poore for whom it was ordain'd stands at the doore and may not enter , whilst the golden asse , is quietly admitted for to passe , and shroud himselfe within those sacred gates , which wer 't not for commodity he hates . you sacred genii that did once attend those wel deuoted patrons to their end ; although your bodies be entoomb'd in claie , since you suruiue , because you liue for aye ; looke downe on your abused guifts and see , be , what oddes twix't th' vse and your good meanings come and behold how the laborious sits , sharing some hungry commons , scarce two bits ; and that but when a double gauday haps full glad alas at other times with scraps ; while that the lazy dunce on dainties feeds ; oh come ( i say ) if you respect your deeds , and fright them with some ghastly visions thence , they may haue more remorse for their offence . if i could take on me some monstrous forme ; i 'de either make them their bad liues reforme , or hare them quicke to hell : but i am vaine , thus for to inuocate , or to complaine , because i doubt this fault will nere be mended , vntill all euill with the world be ended . learning is vaine too , or so made at least , consider it , i speake it not in iest ; doe we not see that those who haue consum'd , halfe a mans age in schooles , and haue assum'd degrees of art , and howrely ouer-looke , many a leafe , many a wise-mans booke , still studying to know ; fellowes that can , as they themselues thinke , put downe any man , that dares of predicables to dispute , yea such as can to , if need be , refute knowne truths ; and that in metaphisicall , much more i thinke in matters naturall , seeme greatly read . doe we not see i say ? that these from study being tane away , for some employments in the publike weale , a man would be ashamed to reueale their simple carriage ? sooner thei le speak treason , then any thing that shall be law , or reason . aske their opinions but of this or that , thei 'le tell a tale they scarcely know of what ; and at the last you must be well apaid , with this the poet , or this tully said ; so other mens opinions shall be showne , but very seldome any of their owne : what is 't to heape vp a great multitude , of words and sayings like a chaos rude , for to be able for to bring in plato , great aristotle , with the wiseman cato : and diuers more , yet like a blockish elfe , be able to say nought at all himselfe ? as if it were all well and he had paid it , if he can once say , such a man hath said it . then by their actions , who gather can they haue more knowledge then another man ? since they doe worse absurdities commit , then thoe that seeme their iuniors in wit , as if they thought it were enough to know , and not with knowledge vnto practise goe . those may be learned and of learning p●ate , but for affaires of country , or of state in my conceit they are as farre vnfit as fooles and mad-men that haue lost their wit ; and notwithstanding all their studious paine , i count their learning and their knowledge vaine ▪ but thinke not i , hold knowledge vaine to be , or all that in the vniuersitie , mispend their times ; vntiftting men to deale about employments of the common-weale . no ; for i euer this accompt did make , that there are those know best to vndertake , great offices ; and surely such as haue both knowledge and desert : yet shall they saue but their owne credits : th' other who are knowne to haue no gifts of nature of their owne , for all their knowledge gotten in the schooles , are worse by much ods then vnlearned fooles . now thou that wouldst know rightly these mens state goe but a while and talke with coryate and thou wilt soone be able to maintaine , and say with me that learning 's somewhere vaine . then if there were ordain'd no other place , where now-despised-vertue should haue grace , she were vaine to , and those that lou'd her best were to be counted vaine aboue the rest . for they be sure , of these worldly crosses , and whosoere gaine , theirs must be the losses , iustice is wanting so ; for if that men commit an ill , the law giues smart , but when they doe performe a vertuous deed 't is hard , there 's no law heere that giues them a reward . nay if a man by wrong suspition be , brought vnto any wofull misery . if he be wrackt and tortur'd so that death may pleasure him by stopping of his breath : and if at last by proofes it doth appeare , that he of the suspected crime is cleare , onely he may his life by that meanes saue , but shall no other satisfaction haue . yea , and he must be glad and well content he hath his life for being innocent : whereof he would full glad haue ridden bin , to scape the torments they had plung'd him in , t is meere iniustice , and i say againe for to be vertuous in this age 't were vaine ; but that it one day shall rewarded be , by heauens chast iustice with eternitie . i will not heere take paines for to reueale the vaine trades crept into our common-weale : onely i le say , and so i thinke will any , would there were lesse , for such there be too many . but i must needesly shew their sympathy , who make their treasures and felicitie of things meere friuolous , as honour , srength , pleasure , and vvealth , & beauty , which at length , yea in short time must fade ; titles wrong plac't without desert , are not alone disgrac't , and loose that reputation of their owne , but shame them too , on whom they are bestowne ▪ vvhat noblenesse of birth but meerely vaine , vnlesse that in the linage there remaine , some noble qualitie ? which in them bred , they haue deriu'd from predecessors dead ? what 's honor ? but e'ne smoke and idle 〈◊〉 ▪ a thing consisting onely in a name ? which if you take away then you take all , ( for alexanders glory was not small , ) yet were he namelesse , what would then remaine , for to inherit honour for his paine , since that his best part from the earth is fled , and t'other though remaining here , now dead ? then if that honour doe aduantage bring , to soule nor body , but doth wholly cling vnto the name : who care , or paines would take if he be wise , such trophirs for to make vnto the same , which may inioyed be , by many thousand other men , whilst he rots ; and which three mens vertues , i 'le maintaine , grace not so much as one mans vice shall staine ? wer't onely for a name , that men did well , and stroue in vertues others to excell , what good had symon the apostle gain'd more then the wicked sorcerer obtain'd ? and how should we giue each of them his fame who liuing , being two , had but one name ? were outward honour all that vertue got , he were a wise-man that esteem'd it not . but shee 's the bodies comfort till it die , and soules companion to eternitie . vulgar repute , what is thereby acquired ? why is 't so glorious , and so much desired ? but i doe chiefely maruell what they ment , that haue prefer'd it before their content . i hold it vaine and wondrous friuolous , extreamely foolish , or ridiculous , that any man should stand in greater feare , what they doe vnto other men appeare then their owne consciences ; or striue , ( poore elues ) to seeme to other , god , when to themselues th' are worse then diuels ; why , i say , should they with vaine repute be so much borne away ? and why boast men of strength that lasts no longer ? and seeing the brute creatures are farre stronger ; a woman may blind sampson with her charmes , and little dauid slay a man at armes , for god doth make , as holy scriptures speake , strong things to be confounded by the weake . then some are vaine in pleasures , like to him , vvho for because he in delights would swim , in these his daies to please his fiue brute senses , made twenty hundred crowns one nights expences ▪ i onely cease for to declare his name , least he should hap to vaunt vpon the same . but why in beauty should men glory so ? as well we may perceiue there 's many do ; since 't is no better then a fading flower , that florishes , and withers in an hower . it could not saue the good king dauids sonne for being iustly by his foes vndone ; nay , their 's searce any that enioy the same can keepe vnto themselues an honest name . vve see moreouer men vaine-glorious grow , in building and apparrell ; al 's for show ; and yet the prince that 's gorgioust in array , must lie as naked as his groome in clay . and though that men to build so curious be , how worthy of contempt it is we see , in that th' arch-king of heauen , earth and all , was very well contented with a stall . what mind are they in who suppose to raise , by such a vanity an endlesse praise ? vvhen as they dayly see by obseruation , time vtterly decayes the strongst foundation . where are those wondrous high pyramides , that were admired at in former daies ? and of those huge colossi what remaines ? ( which to erect now were an endlesse paines ) nothing almost ; no scarce his name that spent the paine and cost of such a monument : if that be so , how much more vanity , is it to hope for fames eternity , by such sleight trifles whose ground-worke needs mending before the roofe be brought vnto an ending ? againe some thinke how e're their liues they spend yet if they can attaine to in the end a glorious funerall , and be inter'd vvith idle pompe and show , or be prefer'd in a bald sermon , for some one good deed they did the common-wealth for their owne need , or by their owne , or friends procurement haue on their vnworthy scarce-deserued graue a goodly epitaph ; they thinke al 's well ; alas poore silly men ! what can they tell how long 't will stand , before 't be razed downe ? but say it bide a while , what faire renowne , can in a peece of carued marble be ? vvhat can a guilded tombe then profit thee ? preserue thy fame ? i know it cannot passe , the wondrous heape that once erected was , and yet e'ne at this day doth now remaine not farre from sarum on the vvesterne plaine , yet who can say directly , ( or what story doth absolutely mention ) for whose glory that was first founded ? or by whom ? or why ? and if a deed of such great wonder die , dost thou suppose by a few carued stones , scarcely enough to couer all thy bones to be immortall ? if thou long to liue after thy death , why then let vertue giue and adde that liuing glory to thy name ; let her sound forth the trumpet of thy fame , and it shall last ; for she knowes how to place it ; nor time , nor enuy shall haue power to race it . i say endeuour to be vertuous heere , so shall thy sacred memory be deere to those that liue , aud whil'st thy body lies , entomb'd on earth , thy soule shall mount the skies . but if in pleasure thou hast liued long , and tooke delight in seeking bloud and wrong : vvhen that the euill day shall come to end thee , the curse of the oppressed shall attend thee , thy soule shall pay for 't ; and the selfe-same graue thou for thy honour didst suppose to haue shall be thy shame ; for those that trauell by it shall often curse it , yea deride , defie it ; and to each other say , there doth he lie , that acted such , or such a villany . then why should gay clothes be delighted in , since they are but a badge of our first sinne ? and yet 't is strange to know how many fashions , we borrow now a daies from sundry nations . some , but a few , in irish trouzes goe , and they must make it with a codpeece too , some ( as the fashion they best like ) haue chose the soruce diminitiue neat frenchmans hose another lik't it once but now hee 'll chop , or chang't as we say for the switzers slop ; and cause sometimes the fashions we disdaine , of italy , france , netherland and spaine , wee le fetch them farther yet , for by your leaues we haue morisco gownes , barbarian sleeues , polonian shooes , with diuers far-fetcht trifles , such as the wandring english gallant rifles strange countries for ; besides our taylors know , how best to set apparell out for show . it either shall be gathered , sticht ; or lac't , else plated , printed , iag'd , or cut and rac't , or any way according to your will , for we haue now a daies learn'd much vaine skill : but note you when these geu-gaues once be made , and that this cunning maister of his trade must bring it home , then lies all the iest , to see vvhen the poore slaue hath done his best to mend what faults he can ( for by his trade , he can set right what nature crooked made ) vvhen he hath fitted to his power , and trickt , whom he wold please ; when he hath brusht & pickt e'ne till he sweate againe : yet ( though he spies scarce any fault ) you rogue the gallant cries . a plague confound thee ; looke here how this sits , zounds 't is a mile too wide ; where were thy wits ? see , this is halfe too long that halfe too short , ' sbloud i could finde in heart to knock thee for 't . then for the faults behind he lookes in glasse , straight raues againe and cals his tayler asse , villaine , and all the court-like names he can , why i 'le be iudg'd ( saies he ) here by my man , if my left shoulder seeme yet in his sight , for all this bumbast halfe so big's the right . how is he seru'd ? this day he should haue went , with such a lord or lady into kent : to hampton court to morrow comes the queene , and there should he with certain friends haue bin , now he shall faile . villaine go straight and mend it and see with all the speed you can , you send it : or by my sword the gallant sweares he will make thee to wait twise twelu-months with thy bil if e're he pay thee . then the other takes it , carries it home againe : turnes , rubs , and shakes it , lets it lye still an houre or so , and then as if 't were alter'd beares it back againe ; then 't is so fit , our gallant cannot tell that e're he had apparel made so well . ere-while , saies he , faith i was anger'd sore , why couldst thou not haue done it thus afore ▪ with many gentle speeches in amends , and so these two vaine fooles grow quickly friends , vvhat shall isay of our superfluous fare ? our beastly , vaine , and too excessiue care to please the belly ? we , that once did feed on homely rootes and hearbs , do now exceed the persian kings for dainties ; in those coates a man would think they liu'd with hay and ●a●es , the diet they are growne vnto of late , excels the feasts , that men of high estate had in times past , for there 's both flesh and fish , with many a dainty new deuised dish . for bread they can compare with lords or knights , for they haue raueld , manchet , browne and white , of finest wheate : their drinkes are good and stale , for perry , cider , mead , metheglin , ale , or beere they haue great plenty of ; but then this cannot serue the richer sort of men . they with all sorts of forraine wines are sped ; their cellers are oft fraught with white and red , be 't french , italian , spanish , if they craue it : nay grecian or canarian , they may haue it , catepument , veruage , if they doe desire , or romney , bastard , capricke , oley , tire , muscadel , malmsey , clarey , what they will ; both head and belly each may haue their fill . then if their stomacks doe disdaine to eate , beefe , mutton , lambe , or such like butchers meate ; if that they cannot feed on capon , swan , duck , goose , or common houshold poultry ; than their storehouse will not very often faile , to yeeld them partrich , phesant , plouer , quaile , or any dainty fowle that may delight , their gluttonous and beastly appetite . so they are pamper'd whilst the poore man sterues , yet there 's not all , for custards , tarts , conserues , must follow to ; and yet they are no let for suckets , march-panes , nor for marmalet . frute , florentines ▪ sweet sugar meats and spice , vvith many an other idle fond deuise , such as i cannot name , nor care to know ; and then besides the tast 't is made for show , for they must haue it cullour'd , guilded , printed , with shapes of beasts & fowles , cut , pincht , indented , so idly that in my conceit 't is plaine , that men are foolish and exceeding vaine , and howsoe'er they of religion boast , their belly is the god they honour most . but see whereto this dainty time hath brought vs , the time hath been that if a famine caught vs , and left vs neither sheepe , nor oxe , nor corne , yet vnto such a diet were we borne , were we not in our townes kept in by th ' foe , the woods and fields had yeelded vs enough to content nature : and then in our needs had we found either leaues , or grasse , or weeds , we could haue liu'd , as now at this day can many a fellow-subiect iris●man . but in this age , if onely wheate doe rise to any extraordinary prize : of if that we haue cheese or butter scant , though almost nothing else that is , we want ; lord how we murmor , grumble , fret and pine , as if we would vpbraid the powers diuine ; yea we prouoke god , as sometime the iewes did moses ; and with vs it is no newes . but you that are so like to sterue in plenties , because you are a little bar'd your dainties , leaue of your luxury ; let me intreat ; or there will come a famine shall be great : when soule nor body neither , shall haue food , or any thing to comfort them that 's good . we talke of scarcity : yet here there came no want this twenty ages , worth the name of famine ; but our gentle god hath bin , exceeding mercifull vnto our sin . vvheat at ten shillings , makes no dearth of bread , like theirs ; where once ( we read ) an asses head , cost foure-score siluer peeces ; where doues dong , vvas highly pris'd : and mothers eate their yong ; there famine raign'd . pray in the like we fall not ; if we can fast with niniue we shall not . but truely much i feare the same , vnlesse vve doe leaue off our gluttonous excesse , for though we quaffe and swill much time away , yet three set meales will scarce suffice a day to satisfie our lust ; whereas but one , suffis'd our predecessors , sometime none . it were a worke too tedious to quote the sundry vanities that we may note sprung from this greedinesse , as our long-sitting , a custome rather in my mind befitting pagans and epicures , then honest men . but 't is a vse now common growne ; and then this fo●lery we haue ; we nothing deeme worthy of our desire , or esteeme , saue that which we haue either dearely bought , or far-away from forraine kingdomes brought : yea notwithstanding here in our land , those things be better ; and more neere at hand . yet we out of an idle humor are , much more affected to all forraine ware then to our owne : although the same be best . so that this vainenesse doth not onely rest in meates , and in apparell ; but 't is showne in many things ; we least affect our owne . our home-made cloth , now quoddam est inanum , we are for serges and perpetnanum ; with other stuffe , as crow-graine , chamblets , rash. and such like new deuised forraine trash . yea though our natiue country-men excell in any trade , we like them not so well as we doe strangers : ( and in very deed ) i thinke for vaine inuentions they exceed . and then moreouer when we doe not want any good wholesome hearbe , or fruit , or plant , that may be necessary , fit or good , either to serue for phisick or for food , yet those we leaue , as if we did abhorre them , and send to seeke in other kingdomes for them . so while we onely make our vse of them , our better home-bred simples we contemne . ( oh vanity ) our country yeelds enough , vvhat need we grecian or arabian stuffe ? why send we for them to those countries thus ? 't was planted there for them and not for vs : what though it help them of diseases there ? the climate , yea , and our complexions are so different , for ought that i can gather , heer 't may not help our griefs , but poison 's rather . my selfe haue heard some trauellers to say , that which will salue their wounds within a day , that of the farthest easterne countries be , vvill not recure an englishman in three . then sure if we should vse that medicine heere , it would not help nor cure vs in a yeare . trust me i thinke , this ouermuch respecting of forraine compounds , and the still neglecting of our owne symples is the cause that wee so little better for our phisicke be ; some in their writings praise tobacco much , perhaps the vertue of it may be such as they haue said , where first the simple grew , but if it be replanted heere a new , from it owne soile where natures hand did place it , i dare not with those properties to grace it vvhich there it had ; nor can the vertue bide vvhen 't is transported to our region , dri'd . yet almost 't is a wonder to behold , how generally now both yong and old suck on that forraine weed : for so they vse it , or rather ( to speake right ) so they abuse it , in too oft taking , that a man would thinke it were more needfull then their meate or drinke ▪ but what 's their reason ? doe not aske them why , for neither can they tell you that , nor i : vnlesse 't be this : so they haue seene some doe forsooth , and therefore they must vse it too . nay , wonder not ; the sunne lights not a nation that more addicteth apish imitation then doe we english : should a stranger come and weare his doublet fastned to his bumme : pluck gloues on 's feet , & put his hands in 's shoes , and we are his rings and iewels on his toes . and come so tired to our english court , attended in some strange preposterous sort ; most of our courtiers would make much ado , but they would get into that fashion too . for when they did but happen for to see , those that with rhume a little troubled be , weare on their faces a round masticke patch , their fondnes i perceiu'd , sometime to catch that for a fashion . nay , we cannot name that thing so full of barbarisme and shame that they 'le not imitate : witnesse this smoake , vvhich though at first it was enough to choake or stifle vp the sence ; though 't were vnpleasing in taste and sauour , oftentimes diseasing the takers bodies ; yet like men halfe mad , not knowing neither what effect it had , onely because a rude and sauage nation , took 't for some vnknowne need ; thei 'le mak 't a fashion , alas what profit england at thy need , hast thou attain'd to , by this indian weed ? what hath it lengthen'd life or maintain'd health or hath it brought thee more encrease of wealth ? it dries superfluous moistures ; doth't ? indeed tane with discretion it may stand insteed , and surely it deserues to be excus'd , being with honest moderation vs'd . but i doe greatly wonder what they ment , that first did tak 't in way of complement . for now it is as common at each meeting , as how d' yee , or , god saue yee for a greeting ; hee 's no good fellow that 's without the pox , burnd pipes , tobacco , and his tinder-boxe : and therefore there be some who scarce abide it , yet alwaies will for company prouide it ; with whom ( though they alone the same eschew ) thei 'le take it till they spit and cough and spue . me thinkes they may as well since this thei 'le doe , at all their meetings take purgations too . there 's not a tinker , cobler , shepheard now or rascall ragamuffin that knowes how in a blind ale-house for to drinke a pot , or swagger kindly , if he haue it not ; you shall haue some among them will not sticke , to sweare that they are for tobacco sicke ; when by their ragged outsides you would gather , it were for want of bread and victuals rather ; and so i tak 't ; but now if you deny , th' affecting forraine drugges , a vanity , yet you , i hope will grant , ( because 't is plaine ) the vsing of tobacco thus is vaine . i meane in those that daily sit and smoake , ale●ouse and tauerne till the windowes roke . and you must yeeld if euer ; quod nunc sumus , e'ne as the old verse saies , flos , foenum , fumus , some vainely much acquaintance seeke to get , and often in a strangers cause will sweate . vvhen none ( vnlesse some one for rarity ) vvill to their kinne shew loue or charitie . the loue of men some striue for to attaine , and they haue iust their labour for their paine ▪ for what 's the fauour or the loue of men ? a thing long getting and soone lost agen , for him i know whose company hath seem'd , in my poore iudgement to be so esteem'd by many , that in show he hath appear'd to be more neerely to their soules indear'd then their owne brothers ; and sure for the time , ( but that inconancie's a humane crime ) he hath been so ; for when he hath departed , as if his absence inwardly had smarted ; out of their eyes full oft against their will , i haue seene , sorrow looke , and teares to trill . and yet againe hath my experience seen , the selfe-same man that hath so made of been , euen of those men he hath been so respected , after some absence either much neglected , wholly forgotten or they so estranged , as if their loue and good conceit were changed . which hauing found , i weighed well the end , and thought them vaine that on the like depend . also methinkes it makes me pretty sport , to note the vainenesse of the greater sort ; how full of congees , curtesies , and greetings , embracements , & kind words they be at meetings . or else what me●orandums past betweene , of great good turnes that nere perhaps haue been , vvhat commendations , and ioyes there be , for one anothers good prosperitie . vvhen howsoeuer they their malice smother , they care not what becomes of one another . to see me well , hee 's glad at heart , one cries , when 't is well knowne that in his heart he lies , another bids me welcome to my face , vvhen he would leaue my presence for my place . yea and to sweare it too he will not tremble , although he knowes , i know he doth dissemble : vvhich in my iudgement is a vanity , too full of shamelesse grosse absurditie , and i much wonder men delight to spend time that 's so precious to so little end , as to consum 't in idle complement , and not so much as to a good intent ; crouching and kneeling , when each peasant knowes much curtesie , much craft : the prouerbe goes . a quality beseeming men i deem 't , for to be courteous and i much esteem't , yet sure without good meaning t is vnfit , and extreame vaine when men are cloy'd with it . when some man's table 's furnished with store , of dainties , that a prince can haue no more , hee 'le bid you welcome , though that by your cheere , it doth not ( as hee 'le say himselfe ) appeare , and yet he sees and knowes well that his bordes , haue what the water , earth , and ayr affords : with pray d' yee eat , i drink t'yee , nay be merry ; and such like words ; i oft haue beene as weary to thank , to pledge , and say i do not spare , as ere was sommers of his trotting mare , but now i think of this , i 'le without ieasting , tell one absurdity l 'ue seene in feasting , amongst my countrymen ; when one intends for to be merry he bids home his friends , and for them all things needfull doth prepare , that they may well perceiue they welcome are ; yea , he would haue them frolick , and 't is good , a signe of loue and honest neighbourhood , but then with all he oftentimes inuites , som lofty statesmen or proud neighbouring knights who all their merriment doth ouerthrow , because they looke for reuerence you know , and he must be a slaue vnto that guest , contenting him , though he displease the rest . now that 's his fault , were i as he , my boord , should neuer entertaine that knight or lord in way of feasting ; that allow'd not me , to be as merry and as blith as he ; or that through his disdaine would thinke amisse , to beare some iests of mine as i beare his ; for who but fooles would while their guest is baiting stand with bare heads like alehouse-keepers waiting ( as if they were some strangers wanted chearing ) in their owne houses ? while they dominering say what they list ; be therefore rul'd by me , bid none but equals if you 'le merry be : at least let them be such as can abide , to lay superiority aside . moreouer ( if they haue the prouidence to bid their friends & keep these mar-feasts thence ) they are too lauish and doe much deuize , how they the appetite may best suffize . but 't is a signe their vnderstanding's weake , and they haue small good matter for to speake ; it showes a shallow pate and muddy braine , when men haue no discourse to entertaine their friends withall , but whiffes of smoake or drinke , or curious fare ; as if that they did thinke they could not shew their honest loue , vnlesse they did abound in gluttonous excesse . but there be many greedy-guts indeed , that will finde fault vnlesse their cates exceed . such socrates shewes how to answer best , who hauing for his friends prepar'd a feast , and hearing one to discommend his store told him directly , friend there needs no more , for be they vertuous her's enough for such , if otherwise ( quoth he ) there is too much a fitter answere we can neuer finde , for such nice gluttons ; differing in minde from certaine deere and learned friends of mine : whom , when i late requested for to dine or sup with me one night ; would not agree , vnlesse i drest that they appointed me : i will said i , and not a bit beside , why then ( quoth they ) we charge thee to prouide one dish , no more , we loue not him that crams , and let our second course be epigrams . well , that they had with more good mirth & laughing , then those that had their dainties , & their quaffing , who can declare that vanity man shewes , in hearing and reporting idle newes ? the foolish tales , and lies that he doth faine , are more then any numbers can containe . and now i thinke on that same lying euill , a mischiefe first inuented by the diuell , i cannot chuse but greatly wonder why , men should delight so in that vanity . it is not onely vicious and base , but also doth their credits quite deface . and truth out of their mouthe● is mis-esteem'd because , oft lying , they are lyers deem'd . i meane not any falshood to maintaine , no though they be officious , or for gaine . yet worst like them , who their wits bo bend to inuent tales vnto no other end . but for to find the company some talke , and cause they loue to heare their owne tonges walke some i haue knowne ( iudge of their vanity ) they haue told tales to their owne infamy ; and yet vntrue , 't is like they haue small care of others credits when they wil not spare to wrong th●mselues : another crew beside among these ly●rs i haue also spide , who , as it may appeare , do like so well , strange newes , and matters past beleefe to tell , that notwithstanding they do surely know , it makes not only modest eares to glow , but that 't is knowne they lie , yet stil they dare gainst truth , their owne , & al mens knowledge swear . yea , when they may aswell , and speake as right , sweare that each man is blind , and all crows white oh too presumptuous and lewd offence sprung from a brazen , ●ellish impudence ! then there 's a number to , that do suppose , all that beyond their little reason growes , is surely false ; and vainely do vphold that all reports which trauellers vnfold of forraine lands are lies ; because they see no such strange thinges in their owne parish be , if that i may not terme such fellowes vaine , i 'le say th' are dul and of a shallow braine . and him i count no wiseman that imparts , to men of such base misconceiuing hearts any rare matter , for their bruitish wit , will very quickly wrong both him and it . for thus the saying goes , and i hold so , ignorance onely , is true wisedomes foe . then thou art vaine that wilt vouchsafe to spend thy breath , with witlesse fooles for to contend in weighty matters ; when it is well knowne thei 'le like of no opinions but their owne . euer disabling what thou dost recite , yea notwithstanding it be ne're so right . and be their owne case false , and all amisse , they 'le proue it true ; how ? thus : because it is . so if there be no more wise men in place , thou bear'st the shame , & thei 'le haue all the grace . and yet the mischiefe hath not there an end , for tell me , you that euer did contend vvith such ; is not their wayward disputation a meere confusion and a strong vexation ? i know 't is so ; for i my selfe haue tride it , and since that time could neuer yet abide it ; but let those follow vanity together with purb●ind ignorance ; and i 'le send thither to keep them company , those that take pleasure in tedious discourse , they be at leasure , and those that loue to heare their owue tong●es walke or still seeke out occasion for to talke shall not stray from them : yet i haue beheld more vanities which must not be conceal'd . as foolish wishes : many a silly asse , couets those things that cannot come to passe . another that in wishing is as heedlesse , desires some trifling bables which are needlesse . nay , i haue heard , without regard of shame , such beastly wishes as i blush to name , vvhat damn'd infernall curses can each brother , in euery angry fit wish one another ? when such as these their iesting words thei●e make ye a pox , a pestelence and a murraine take yee . which if the lord should in his iustice send them , their owne vaine wishes wold e're long time and thē . some free-borne men i haue obserued too who are thought wise , yet very vainely do . these , as if they lackt troubles of their owne for other men are slaues and drudges growne . i tax not such as honestly haue stood in the mainetaining a poore neighbours good . but rather those who are so out of measure giuen to be for other men at leasure : that they can finde almost no time to bee emploid about their owne commoditee . others there are , more knauish , and as vaine , who seeming carefull of an others gaine , intrude themselues into their actions ; when 't is not for any good they wish the men , but for this cause , and sure for nothing more , in each mans boate they loue to haue an oare . 't is good men looke to their affaires , but yet , i hold it for a vaine thing , and vnfit they should be vexed with such extreame care in following them as i perceiue they are : for vnto me it seemes , the greatest part . take businesse not in hand now , but in heart . what meane our wealthy vsurers to hoord more vp for others then they can affoord vnto themselues ? whereas they do not know whether it shall be for a friend or foe . sure such me thinkes should be deseruedly , recorded for their sottish vanity . now as these too well , of the world doe deeme , so others make thereof too small esteeme : as of a thing whose vse were of no weight , but both are led away with vaine conceit . then some mans care is , that when this life ends , hee dying , may be buried with his friends . as if he fear'd his foes had not forgotten to do him mischiefe though their bones were rottē others extremely are distempered to thinke what men will do when they be dead . and vainely sit , ( more wit god one day send ) lamenting what they know not how to mend . for worthlesse matters some are wondrous sad , whome if i call not vaine , i must tearme mad . if that their noses bleed some certaine drops : and then againe vpon the suddaine stops . or if the babling foule we call a iay , a squirrel or a hare , but crosse the way . or if the salt fall toward them at table , or any such like superstitious bable , their mirth is spoild , because they hould it true that some mischance must therevpon ensue . but i doe know no little numbers bee seduced with this foolish vanity : and questionlesse although i discommend it , there wants not some that stoutly will defend it , but all their proofe is onely this , i know by dayly triall they doe finde it so . indeed 't is true , god often by permission , to see if they will trust to superstition more then to him , doth willingly supply , vvhat they so look't for by their augury . then some for to be deemed men of state , of nothing but the court-affaires doe prate , if they but come amongst vs countri-men , lord what magnificoes they will be then . yea though they blow but the kings organ-●ellows vve must suppose them earles and barons fellowes or else we wrong them : 't was my chance to light , in a friends house , where one of these that night tooke vp his lodging ; at the first i deem'd him a man of some great place and so esteem'd him ; and be tooke me for some soft country gull , thinking my wit ( as t is indeed ) but dull , but i perceiu'd his pride , i must confesse , and seem'd as if i had a great deale lesse . i made him more fine congees by a score , then ere he had at court in 's life before , the worship , and the honour too i gaue him , but from the charge of either i dare saue him . yet my high tearmes so pleas'd the courtiers vaine , that vp he rips me newes of fra●ce and spaine , of germany , of denmarke , and of sweed ; and he had french store , thereof i tooke heed , then next he tels me all their life at court , relates st. georges showes and christmas sport , with such like talke ; which i in shew desir'd , and ( as if i had neuer seen 't before ) admir'd : which he perceiuing falls for to deuise , more strange reports , and tels me sundry lyes , which stil i wondred at ; and in his talke i noted though his tongue did euer walke he neuer spake of others then the best , for earles , and lords , and ladies were the least i heard him mentioning ; when sure the foole , is but some seruant to the groome o' th stoole . but howsoeuer for this once he passes , to shew the nature of his fellow-asses , i am affraid 't will be to little end , if i should words and pretious leasure spend , to tel our gallants what vaine , friuolous , discourse they haue , and how ridiculous they are at meetings ; i haue been for laughter , often beholding to them a weeke after . and trust me i 'le not giue a cue so soone , to see an ape , a monkey , or baboone play his forc't trickes , as i would giue a tester , to come and view them and their apish gesture , when they are either frollick in their cans , or courting of their light hee 'ld curtezans they thinke themselues fine men , i know they do , what will they giue me and i 'le think so to , and yet i shall not sure , do what i can , they haue so little in them that is man. for my few yeares hath noted many fruits producted in fine silkes and satten sutes vvorth obseruation : i could recite , their braue behauiour in their mistres sight : but sure thei 'le nere endure 't , they cannot do 't , yet if i list now i could force them to 't , but i spare them ; they are beholding to me , and may perhaps as great a fauour doe me . but faith i may not , nor i cannot hold nor keep in all their vanities vntol'd : at least one humorous tricke i must not misse , vvhich lately i obseru'd ; and that was this . two lads , of late , disposed to be merry , met at a towne not farre from canterbury , where though their busines scarce would let them stay , they 'd frolicke out a night , and then away ; so there they sup't and slept , where i let passe to tell their mirth in what good fashion 't was : but as i heard the parish clocke strocke one , before their merry-mad-conceits were done : and then they went to bed , where i dare say they'd more deuotion for to sleepe then pray . next morne th' one awaking suddenly vpstart , and lightly gert out such a boystrous — it wak't his fellow , who suppriz'd with wonder , leapt vp amaz'd and swore he heard it thunder : and where there was a storme or no , 't was sed , the chamber-pot ore-flow'd and drown'd the bed . then hauing prai'd a curse or two , th' one rises , yea , of his businesse with himselfe deuises , and therevpon like a considerete man , sweares he will thence with all the speed he can , come prethee rise ( quoth he ) and le ts begone , why goe ( quoth th' other ) i will come anon , zonnds harke , i thinke the clock striks eight , why when ? oh soon : enough to breaks my fast by ten . then chamberlaine one cals aloud , dost heare ? come bring vs vp a double iugge of beere . so either hauing drunke a good carouse , downe come the gallants to discharge the house , but taking leaue , oh what d' yee thinke they mist ? their hostesse ( pretty woman must be kist ) then vp she 's cal'd , and in her night attire , downe claps she on a stoole before the fire ; where hauing bid her welcome from her nest , come say ( quoth he ) what wine is 't you like best ? truely ( quoth she ) i vse to drinke no wine , yet your best morning's draught is muskadine : with that the drawer's cald to fill a quart ( oh! 't is a wholesome liquor next the heart . ) and hauing drunk it , whilst their heads were steddy they bad the hostler make their horses ready nay ( quoth the hostesse ) what needs al this hast ? in faith you shal not goe til dinner 's past ; i haue a dish prepared for the none's arich potato pie , and marrow-boxes ; yea and a bit which gallants , i protest , i wil not part with vnto euery guest ; with that the punies laid aside their cloaks , the glasses walke , and the tobacco smoakes , til dinner comes , with which whē they are fraught to get on horseback by and by t is naught . as hauing supt'ts good to walk a mile , so after d●nner men must sit a while . but what ? wil they sit idle 't were a shame , reach them the tables , they must play a game : yet set them by againe , for now i thinke they know not when to leaue , thei 'le rather drink a health or two , to some especiall friend , and then ifaith they meane to make an end , then one calls drawer , he cries what d' yee lack ? rogue bring vs vp a gallon more of sack , when that 's turn'd vp , zounds one wil drinke no more , but bids the hostler bring his horse to doore : the fellow might performe it without stay , for why ? they had been bridl'd vp all day . then like good husbands without any words . on went their cloakes , but first of all their swords , but stepping out of dore their hostes meetes them , and with a full fil'd boule demurely greetes them . this was her pint , but thei 'l giue hir the tother , which drew the third down and the third another , vntill these gallants felt their heads so addle , their bodies scarce could sit vpright it 'h saddle . then for to settle their vnsteady braine , they fell to their tobacco once againe ; at which they suckt so long , they thought no more of the poore iades , which they left ty'de at dore ▪ til that the sun declinde vnto the west , then starting vp th' one swore he thought 't were best , that they went thence ; and to his fellow said ; come we shall be benighted i 'me affraid , what if we be ( quoth tother ) by this light , i know the time when i haue rod all night . by twelue a clocke i le be at home i vow , yet hostesse , by this kisse , i 'le sup with you . and so they did , but after supper th' one , hastens the other that they may be gone ; nay be aduised ( quoth his copesmate ) harke , let 's stay all night for it growes pestlence darke . i marry ( quoth the host ) perswaded be , there 's many murthers now i promise ye . i le bid my seruants to shut vp the gate , no guest shall goe out of my house so late . no surely ( quoth their hostesse ) by s. anne , you may be mischieft , stay and make a man. well , thei 'le be ruld for once , but swere thei 'le goe the following morning ere the cock do crow . introth at farthest , ere the day giues light , then hauing kist their hostesse ouernight , to bed againe these roystering youngsters went , forgetting whereto they before were bent . but when the morne her turne againe did take , and that it grew high time for them to wake ; then vp they busteld and began to lay the fault from one to t' other , of their stay . for this ( the first said ) we may thanke your sl●th , ( but i thinke therein they were guilty both ) nay ( quoth the other ) might you haue your will ▪ you 'd drinke tobacco , and be quaffing stildl who i ( quoth he ) i weigh it not two chips , i could not get you from my hostestesse lips . you doe me wrong ( said th' other ) for i sweare , i seldome toucht them , but you still hung there . to beare the burthen he grew discontent , and swore he would not drinke before he went. but cald , our horses ostler quickly , and our wands , and sirra tapster water for our hands : ( quoth t' other ) you le be ruled yet i thinke ? prethee let me intreat thee for to drinke . before th●u wash ; our fathers that were wise , were wont to say , 't is wholsome for the eyes . vvell he will drinke , yet but a draught at most , that must be spiced with a nut-browne tost . but then 't were good they had a bit beside , for they considered they had farre to ride . so he that would not drinke , a late for hast , is now content to stay and breake his fast . which e're 't were ended , vp their host was got , and then the drunkard needs must haue his pot , and so he had : but i commend my cozen , the cuckolds one can , cost the fooles a dozen . but then perceiuing they began to stay , quoth guts , my bullies , harke ye , what d' ye say ? can you this morning on a rasher feed ? oh yes say they , that 's kingly meate indeed ; they ask't it , and they had it ; but this cheere , quickly drew downe a dozen more of beere ; which being drunk , they had got out of towne , but that their hostesse was now new come downe , with whom they spent ere they could get away in kissing and in quaffing halfe that day . and fiue times as i heard they took the paine , to get on horseback and come off againe but at the last iust as the clock strook two , they were the sixt time hors't with much adoo : but then , as 't is the drunkards vse , they sate tipling some howre and a halfe at gate . so that the night drew on apace and then , thither came riding other gentlemen . and meant to lodge there ; they had friendship showne . t' other were stale guests and their mony flowne . their honest host for all their large expence , and former kindnes , quickly got him thence : yea their sweet hostesse that so worthy deem'd thē , slunk out of sight , as if she nought esteem'd them . and as most will , except a very few , she left her old guls to enter league with new , who at their parting thought for to haue kist her , but were so drunken that they euer mist her . for there they quaft so long they did not know , which way , nor whether , nor yet when to goe . that some suppose , yea and they think so still , their horses brought thē thence against their will. for if so bee that they had wanted wit , ( to come themselues ) the fooles had been there yet if you 't was made by , read with discontent , you are too blame , none knowes by whom 't was ment there is no cause you should dislike my rime , that learnes you wit against another time . when others are thus vaine , could you forbeare it ; and note the follies in 't , you would forsweare it ; as kind's your hostesse seemes , yet this is plaine , shee 'l flout , and vse the next as wel for gaine . now what do you vnto these gallants say , were they not pretty witty ones i pray ? it may be they wil frowne at this , 't were fit , and i am very sorry for 't ; but yet , one humor more which i haue noted vaine , for to be told of , they must not disdaine . it may anoy them if they do not mend it , yea notwithstanding they so much defend it , 't is this ; they too much of their valour vaunt , and so extreamely for vaineglory haunt , that for to get themselues a valiant name , or peraduenture halfe an howers fame thei 'l hazard life and limbe , yea soule and all , rather then in their brauery thei 'l let fall that vaine repute : oh silly sencelesse men ! what wil the breath of fame auaile you , when you lye in dust and molded vp in clay ? perhaps you shall be spoken of a day , in some poore village where your bodies lye , to all the earth besides your fame shall dye . and it may be whereas you looke for glory , you shall but serue for to make vp the story of hare-brain'd fooles : so how soere some deem you men that haue vnderstanding wil esteeme you . but yet there is a crew that much anoyes the common-weale , some call them roaring-boys london doth harbour many at this time , and now i think their orders in the prime : and flourishing estate . diuers are proud , to be one of that brotherhood alow'd . and reason too , for why they are indeed no common fellowes , but they all exceed . they do ; but oh ! now wherein is it think ye ? in villanies ; for these be they wil drink yee from morne til night , from night till more againe , emptying themselues like conduits , and remaine , ready for more stil : earth drinks not the showers , faster then their infernal throat deuoures , wine and strong liquors : these be they wil sweare , as if they would the veile of heauen teare , and compell god to heare their blasphemy these are the patrons of all villany ; vvhoores champions ; deceit and trechery , with the most loathsome vice of lechery , is all their practise . thunder when it roares , ioynd with the raging waues that beat the shoares , together with the winds most rude intrusion , make not a noyse more full of mad confusion , then do these helhounds where they vse to houze or make their most vnciuill rendeuouze : for a more godlesse crew their cannot well , be pickt out of the boundlesse pit of hell . yet these base fellowes ( whom i must confesse , i cannot find words able to expresse ) are great mens darlings , ( as some vnderstand ) the absolutest gallants in this land , and onely men of spirit of our time ; but this opinion's but a vulgar crime , for they which vnderstanding haue , see plaine , that these and all their fauorites are vaine . and sure 't were good if such were forc't to giue , a strict account by whom and how they liue . thus haue i brought to light as wel's i can , some of the vanities i 'ue seene in man. but i do feare in taking so much paine , i haue but showne my selfe to be most vaine ; because i haue spent time , and reprehended that which will ne're the sooner be amended , but yet there 's hope it may , and therefore i will say thus much more ; that this vanity consisteth not alone in words and workes , it hath tane root within , and also lurkes about the heart ; and if it there be sought , i know it also may be found in thought , and that it is makes one man sit and plot , what is by traffick with virginea got . what it may cost to furnish him a fleet , that shall with all the spainish nauy meete , or how he may by art or practise find a nearer passage to the easterne inde . when as perhaps ( poore foole ) besides his coate , he is , not worth a portsmouth passage boate , nor neuer meanes to trauell so much sea , as from high-ferry to south-hamp on-key . another wood-cocke is as fondly vayne , and to no purpose doth molest his braine , to study if he were a nobleman , what kind of carriage would befit him than : how , and in what set wordes he would complaine , of the abuses that he now sees raigne : where he would make his place of residence , how he would keep his house with prouidence , and yet what plenty daily at his dore , should be distributed vnto the poore , what certaine sheepe , and oxen should be slaine , and what prouision weekly to maintaine his lordly port ; how many seruing-men , he meant to keep , and peraduenture then , what pleasure he will haue , as haukes and hounds , what game he wil preserue about his grownds : or else he falls to cast what profits cleare , his giftes and bribes wil come to in a yeare . how hee 'le put off his hat , cause people than shall say he is a courteous noble-man . then vpon this againe he falls to plot , how when that he the peoples loue had ' got , if that the king and all his kindred dye , and if none may be found for to supply that regall office , the respect they beare him , vnto that princely dignity may reare him : then too his thoughtes , on that estate so feed , that he forgets quite what he is indeed , and if a man could hit so iust a time , to come vpon him when his thoughts in prime : and giue him vnawares a sodaine knock ; conceit his vnderstanding so would lock , that i suppose because it stands with reason , he would go neere hand for to call out , treason : for oftentimes mens hearts are so anoyd , vvith those vaine thoughts whereon they are imploid , that for a time they so forgetfull grow , nor what they are , nor where , they do not know , but now since you may see there doth remaine , nothing in man but is in some sort vaine ; and since i must be driuen to confesse , his vanities are great and number-lesse , i 'le go no farther in this large suruey , for feare discourse should carry me away ; and peraduenture so i may become , lesse pleasing , and more tedious to some ; vvhich to auoyd , though i no end espy , yet heare i end to treat of vanity . of in constancy . satyr . . yet there 's another property in men , that meanes to set my muse to work agen , in constancy , and that no other is , vnlesse i vnderstand the same amisse , but an vnsetled humor of the mind , which so vnstable is it cannot find by any study that opinion , of which it dares to be resolued on . 't is meere irresolution and estranging for what is purpos'd by a fickle changing . but since this vice i meane for to detect , women i know will earnestly expect to be sore raild'on , but i le gently vse them , because i see their consciences accuse them , and notwithstanding they deserue much blame , yet i le not tax them by their proper name , so they will think i also meane them , when i vse no more , but this bare name of men : and though their faults i seeme not to vpbraid , cause nothing of them is directly said ; yet they , i hope wil nere the more disdaine , to be thought fickle , proud , and weak and vaine . but now for men ; whereas i did complaine , he both in dee● and word , and thought was vain●● so i in this ( i see ) the like may doo , since he in all these is inconstant to . and first it is a wonder for to see his actions how mutable they be ; he labour's now , and 's altogether set vpon the world how he wealth may get , vpon a sodaine ; then he thinkes to mend it , hee 's in a humor then he meanes to spend it : somtime he is consenting with the diuell , and ready to do any act that 's euill . the which , perhaps , repenting , some diuine or heauenly matter doth his thoughtes refine . so that he is resolu'd to spend that day , in reading what gods holy prophets say ; whlch in his mind it may be worketh so , he leaues it , and wil to a sermon goe ; where by the way a bill he doth espy , which showes there 's acted some new comedy then thither he is full and wholly bent , there 's nothing that shall hinder his intent , but ere he to the theater can come , he heares perhaps the sounding of a drum : thereat he leaues both stage-play and deuotion , and wil forsooth go see some idle motion ; ere he gets in his rouling wandring eyes , beholds some fencer prest to play his prize . faith then there is no remedy hee 'le see 't ; but e're he can get halfe-way o're the street some very neere acquaintance doth salute him , who for a miser would perhaps repute him , vnlesse he kndly offer to bestow the wine or beere at least , before he goe ? vvell then he will ; but while they do deuise , what wine to haue , perhaps they heare the cryes , and howling which the eager mastiffes make , vvhen they behold a bull or beare at stake . oh , on a sodaine then they will be gone , thei 'le see that first and come and drinke anon , but iust as he out of the t●●ern● peepes , some gallant lasse along before him sweepes : vvhose youthfull brow adorn'd with beauty trim and louely-making doth so rauish him , as if that he were bound for to attend , he leaues play , fencer , vvine , bull , dogs , and friend . by which we see his mind doth alwayes vary , and seldome constant on one subiect tary . but stil that thing with most desire is sought , vvhich happens for to be the last in thought . one while he likes best of the country sport , anon prefers the pleasure of the court. another while his mind is all in spaine , then beyond nilus , and straight heere againe . now he thinkes highly of a single life , and hateth marriage as full of strife : and yet e'ne in the turning of a hand , hee 's glad to make a ioynture of his land , and woo with much intreaty to obtaine , a wife which he did but of late disdaine . one while he zealously professeth christ , but shortly he becomes an athe-ist , in turkey he will mahomet adore , among the cursed pagans can implore a carued stone ; in rome he hath profest the worship of that antichristian beast ; and yet in england heere with vs he grants no sound religion but the protestants . and not alone according to the place , can these camelions alter thus their case ; but for a shift themselues they doe apply , to answere both the time and company . gallants shall find them formall , young men wild ▪ plaine men shall think them simple , old men mild. and for the time with edward they wil be , ( i le warrant ) protestants , as wel as he . and when his sister mary comes to raigne , they can be papists easily againe . nay i do feare me though we haue had teaching , and almost threescore years the gospels preaching vnconstant mankind is so prone to ill , ( and to be changing hath so good a will ) too many both of old men and of youth , might soone be drawne for to forsake the truth . let vs but note , and 't will be strange to see . what contradictions in our actions be . sometime the same we do with trophees raise , that we did but a while before dispraise : nor can we alway in one passion keepe , but often for one thing reioyce and weepe . is 't not a signe of humane ficklenesse , and a true note of our vnsetlednesse , when not alone some one , or two , or few , but a great number , a selected crew , pickt out of all estates , and they the wisest , the vnderstandingst , yea and the precisest of a whole empire , and when these ( i say ) haue argu'd pro & con , from day to day , from week to week to haue ( perhaps ) enacted , one law or statute , yet when al 's compacted , and euery thing seemes clearely done and ended then to haue somthing in 't to be amended ? yea and when this is done , and the records , fram'd in their plain'st and most effectuall words , t' expresse their meaning , and they thinke it plaine ▪ yet at next reading 't is dislik't againe . this yeare they make a law , repeal 't the next , then re-inact ●t , and then change the text ; either by taking from , or adding to , and so they haue an endlesse work to do . but some may tel me that thus stands the case , they must haue both respect to time and place and that no law deuis'd by humane wit , can be for euery place and season fit : all which i yeeld for truth indeed ; but then , we must confess 't a misery in men , that he ( camelion-like ) must haue a mind , with euery obiect vnto change inclin'd . i might speake of the ficklenesse i see , in mens external fortunes for to be : for this day he hath friends , to morrow none , now he hath wealth , and in an hower 't is gone , some in their youth there be haue all things store , and yet do often liue til they are poore . again , there 's some in youth at begger states ; become in age for to be potentates . some are of kings made slaues , and kings againe , whilst other with the contrary complaine , for poore eumenes of a potters sonn , by fickle fortunes help a kingdome wonne ; but for him such a dyet did prouide , that shortly after he of hunger dy'd . i many such examples might inferre , but that would wast more time and make me erre from my intent , who purpose to relate , the ficklenes of man , not his estate . moreouer , hee 's a creature knowes not how , to do an act which he shall long allow , or think of wel himselfe ; he cannot tell , vvhat he would haue , nor what he would not , wel . for peraduenture he is now content , to do what he wil in an hower repent , he does , and vndoes what he did before , is discontented , and with no man more then with himselfe ; in word hee 's fickle to , for he wil promise what hee 'le neuer do . if that he tels me he wil be in pauls , i 'le go looke for him in the temple-hals , for soonest to that place resort doth he , vvhereas he saies or sweares he wil not be . oh! had there beene in wordes a constant trust , i needed not to haue done as now i must . i should haue had no cause to haue bewail'd , that which i once thought would haue neuerfaild but since 't is thus , at nothing more i greeue , then that vnconstant wordes made me beleeue , were promises worth trust , what needed than , such written contracts betweene man and man ? and wherefore should they make so much ado , to haue both hands and seales to witnes too ? vnlesse it be for proofes to make it plaine , their wordes are both inconstant , false , and vaine . to morrow he wil earnestly gaine-say . what stoutly is affirm'd by him to day : yea truely hee 's so wauering and vniust , that scarce a word of his deserueth trust . but as a creature of all good forlorne , sweares what 's deni'd , and straight denyes what 's sworne that i suppose , in troth and do not mock , hee 's flt for nothing but a weather-cock . then that same thought that 's likeliest to remaine , another that 's vnlike puts out againe . for appetite , not reason , guides him still , which makes him so inconstant in his vvill. had he a sute at first but made of leather , and cloathes enough to keepe away the weather 't were all his wish ; wel so let vs grant , and ten to one he somthing else will want . but sweares that he for more would neuer care , then to be able to haue cloth to weare , which if he get , then would he very faine , reach to haue silkes , for cloth he faith is plaine , and so his wishes seldome would haue stay , vntill that he hath wisht for all he may . but though from this infirmity there 's no man , that i can well except it is so common , yet surely i most properly may cal 't or tearm 't to be the common peoples fault ; think not i wrong them , for if it may not be , a fault for to digresse , you soone should see their nature and condition ; for i hate it : and now i think vpon 't i wil relate it . tax me who list ( i care not ) heere i le breake , my course a while , i may not chuse but speake , somthing , i say my muse of them must tell , she cannot beare it any farther well . and yet expect not all , for i 'le but shew , of many hundred thousand faults , a few . and to be breefe : the vulg●r are a rude , a strange inconstant hare-braind multitude : borne too and fro with euery idle passion , or by opinion led beside all fashion , they stil desire newes , and to a song , or a bald tale thei 'l listen all day long . soone weary of a good thing , and they try , to al reports how they may adde a lye ; like that of scoggins crowes : and with them stil , custome hath borne most sway and euer will : and good or bad , what their forefathers did , thei 'l put in prastise to , ( else god for bid ) they are seditious and much giuen to range , in their opinions , and desiring change , for if their country be turmoyld with warre , they thinke that peace is more commodious farre , if they be quiet they would very faine , begin to set the warres abroach againe ; i wel remember when an irish presse , had made a parish but a man the lesse , lord what a hurly burly there was than ! these warrs ( say they ) hathe cost vs many a man , the countrey is impouerisht by 't and we , rob'd of our husbands and our children be , with many lamentations : but now peace , hath made ●●ellonaes anger for to cease , their euer discontented natures grutch , and thinke this happy peace we haue too much , yea and their wisdomes beare vs now in hand , that it is warres that doth enrich the land : but what are these ? not men of any merit , that speak it from a bold and daring spirit , but lightly some faint-hearted brauing momes , that rather had be hang'd at their owne ●omes , then for their countries welfare for to stay , the brunt of one pitcht battell but a day , of such as would distract with feare become , to heare the thundring of a martiall drum . they cannot keep a meane , a naughty crime , nor neuer are contented with the time . but better like the state they haue been in , although the present hath the better bin , e'ne as the iewes , that loathing manna , faine would be in egypt at their flesh again , though they were there in bondage ; so do these , vvish for the world as in queene maries dayes ; vvith all the blindnes and the trumpery , that was expeld the land with popery ; vvhy ? thinges were cheap , and t was a goodly m●ny . vven we had foure and twenty agges a penny . but sure they ate them stale for want of wit , and that hath made them adle-headed yet . then this ( moreouer ) i haue in them seene , they alwaies to the good haue enuious beene , mild men they reckon fooles and do vphold , him to be valiant that is ouer-bold : when he with wisemen is and euer was . counted no better then a desperate asse . he that doth trust vnto their loue , shall find t is more vnconstant then the wauering wind , which since my time a man that many knew , relying on it : at his death found true . then they haue oft vnthank fully withstood , those that haue laboure ▪ for the common good . and being basely minded euermore , seeke lesse the publick then the priuate store . moreouer such a prince as yet was neuer , of whom the people could speake well of euer , nor can a man a gouernment inuent them , how good soeuer that shall long content them . their honesty as i do plainely find is not the disposition of their mind : but they are forc't vnto the same through feare , as in those villaines it may wel appeare . who hauing found so vile vngodly cause , if there be any meanes to wrest the lawes , by tricks or shifts to make the matter goe as they would haue it , all is well enow : although the wrong and 〈◊〉 they proffer , be to apparent for a iew to offer . they know not iustice , and oft causles hate , or where their should not are compassionate , as at an execution i hau● seene , where malefactors haue rewarded beene , according to desert ; before they know , if he accused , gui●ty be or no. they on report , this hastie censure giue ; he is a villaine and vnfit to liue : but when he is once arraign'd and found guilty by law ; and heauily led bound vnto the scaffold , then they doe relent , and pi●ty his deserued punishment . those that wil now braue gallant men be deem'd ▪ and with the common people be esteem'd , let them turne hack-sters as they walke the street , quarrell , and fight with euery one they meet ; learne a welsh song to scoffe the brittish bloud or breake a iest on scotsmen , that 's as good , or if they would that fooles should much admire them , they should be iugglers if i might desire them : but if they want such feates for to be glorious make ballets and they shall become not orious , yet this is nothing if they looke for fame , and meane to haue an euerlasting name . amongst the vulgar let them seeke for gaine with ward the pirat on the boisterous maine , or else well mounted keepe themselues on land , and bid our wealthy trauellers to stand , emptying their full cram'd bags ; for that 's a tricke vvhich somtimes wan renoune to cutting dicke . but some may tell me , though that such , it doth not goe against their conscience much : and though there 's boldnes showne in such a case , yet to be tost at tyburns a disgrace , no , 't is their credit , for the people then , wil say , 't is pitty they we e●proper men . with many such like humors base and naught , i do perceiue the common people fraught , then by th' opinion of some it seemes , how much the vulgar sort of men esteems o 〈◊〉 or learning : certaine neighbouring swaines , ( that think none wise-men but whose wisdome games ; where knowledge be it morall or diuine is valued as an orient-pearle with swine meeting me in an euening in my walke , being gone past me , thus began their talke . first an old chuff , whose roofe , i dare be bould , hath bacon hang's in 't aboue fiue yeares old . said : that 's his sonne that●s owner of the grounds that on this pleasant beechs mountaines bounds , d' ye marke me ne ghbors ? this sa●e yong mans vather had a bin my zunne i hud a hangd him rather assoone as he perze●u'd the little voole , could creepe about the house , putten to schoole , whither he we t●not now and then a ●purt , as 't had beene good to keep him from the durt ; nor yet at leasure tim s , ( that 's my zunnes stint ) vor then 〈◊〉 deed there had beene reason in'te b●t vor continuance and beyond all zesse a held him too 't sixe dayes a weeke no lesse that by s. anne ie was a great presumption it brought him no● his end with a consvmption : and then besides he was not so content , to putten there where as our childers went : to learne the horne booke , and the abcee through , no that he thought not learning halfe enough , but he must seeke the country all about , where he might find a better teacher out . and then he buies him ( now a pips befall it ) a vlapp●ng booke , i know not what they call it , t is latine ●ll , thus it begins ; in speech , and hat 's in english , boy , beware your breech , one day my dicke a leafe on t with him brought , which he out of his fellowes booke had ra●g ●t , and to h● s mother and my selfe did read it , but we indeed did so extreamely dread it , we gaue him charge no more thereon to looke , vor veare it had bin of a coniuring booke , if that you thinke i iest goe as ke my wife , if ere she heard such ●ibberish in her life , but when he yonn had cond the same by heart , and of a meny moethe better part ; he went to oxford , where he did remaine , some certaine yeares , whence hee 's returnd againe , now who can tell ( it in my stomack stickes ) and i doe veare he has some oxford tricks . but if it be zo : would he had ne●e come hether , vor we shall still be sure of blustring weather . to what end comes his paine and vathers cost ? th' one's charges , and the tothers labour lost ; i warrant he so long a learning went , that he almost a brothers portion spent : and now it nought auailes him : by this holly , i thinke all learning in the world a folly , and them i take to be the veriest vooles , that all their life time doe frequent the schooles , goe aske him now and see if all his wits , can tell you when a barly season hits . when meddowes must be left to spring , when mowne , when wheate , or tares , or rye , or pease be sowne . he knows it not , nor when t is meet to fold , how to manure the ground that 's wet or cold : what lands are fit for pasture , what for corne , or how to hearten what is ouer-worne . nay ; he scarce knowes a gelding from a mare , a barrow from a sow , nor tak she care of such like things as these ; be knowes not whether , there be a difference twixt the ewe and weather , can he resolue you ? ( no nor many more ) if cowes doe want their vpper teeth before ; nay i durst pawne a groat he cannot tell , how many legges a sheepe hath very well , is 't not a wise man thinke yee ? by the masse , c ham glad at heart my zunnes not zuch an asse , why he can tell already all this geare , as well almost as any of vs heare . and neighbors : yet i 'le tell you more ; my dicke , hath very pretty skill in arsemetricke . can cast accouts , writes his name , & dunces daughter , taught him to spell the hardest words it 'h zauter . and yet the boy i le warrant yee knowes how , as well as you or i , to hold the plow , and this i noted in the vrchin euer , bid him to take a booke he had as lether , all day haue drawne a harrow ; truth is so , i likt it wel although i made no shew vor to my comfort i did plainly see , that he heoreaster would not bookish bee , then when that hauing nought at home to do , i sometime forct him to the schoole to goe , you would haue greeud in heart to heare him whine , and then how glad he was to keep the swine , i yet remember ; and what tricks the mome , would haue inuented for to stay at home you would haue wondred ; but 't is such another , a has a wit in all the world likes mother ; yet once a month , although it greeues vs than , h'ele looke you in a books do what we can ; that mother , sister , brother all we foure , can scarce perswade him from 't in halfe an howre , but oft i thinke he does it more of spight , to anger vs then any true delight . vor why ? his mother thinks as others do , and i am halfe of that opinion too . although a little learning be not bad , those that are bookish are the so ●nest mad . and therefore since much wit makes vooles of many , i hil take an order mine shall ne're haue any . by r lady your the wiser ( quoth the rest ) the course you take in our conceit 's the best , your lonne may liue in any place i th land , by his industrious and laborious hand , whilst he ( but that his parents are his stay ) hath not the meane , to keepe him selfe a day , his study to our sight no pleasure giues , nor me●●es , nor profit , and thereby he liues so little thing the better , none needt doubt it , he might haue been a happier man without it . for though he now 〈◊〉 speake a little better , it is not words you know will free the debter . thus so ne whose speeches shew wel what they be , for want of matter fell to talke of me . of whom , though somthing they haue said be true yet since insteed of giuing act her due , they haue disgrast it ; notwithstanding i , haue not the knowledge that these dol●s enuy , or can so much without incurring blame , as take vnto my selfe a schollers name . yet now my reputation for to saue , since i must make account of that i haue , i le let you know though they so lightly deeme it , what gaine 's in knowledge , and how i esteeme it , as often as i call to minde the blisse , that in my little knowledge heaped is . the many comforts , of all which the least , more ioyes my heart then can be well exprest . how happy then thinke i are they whose soules more wisdome by a thousand parts in rowles ; whose vnderstanding-hearts are so diuine they can perceiue a m●ll●ou more then mine , such haue content indeed : and who that 's man and should know reason is so sencelesse than to spurne at knowledg● , art , or learning ; when that onely showes they are the race of men ? and what may i then of those peasants deeme , the which of wisdome make so small esteeme ? but that indeed such blockish sencelesse logges , sprang from those clownes latona turn'd to frogs ; alas , suppose they nothing can be got by precious stones , cause swine esteeme them not ? ot do they thinke , because they cannot vse it , that those which may haue knowledge wil refuse it ? well , if their shallow coxcombs can containe a reason when it s told them , i 'le explaine , how that same little knowledge i haue got , much pleasures me , though they perceiue it not : for first thereby ( though none can here attaine for to renew their first estate againe ) apart reuiues ( although it be but small ) of that i lost by my first fathers fall . and makes me man , which was before ( at least ) as haplesse , if not more , then is the beast that reason wants ; for his condition still , remaines according to his makers will. they neuer dreame of that , and then by this , i find what godly , and what euill is ; that knowing both , i may the best ensue , aud as i ought the worser part eschew , then i haue learn't to count that drosse but vaine , for which such bores consume themselues with paine : i can endure discontentments , crosses , be iouia●l in want , and smile at losses : keep vnder passions , stop those insurrections , rais'd in my microcosmus by affections . be nothing greeued for aduersitie , nor nere the prouder for prosperitie . how to respect my friend i partly know , and in like manner how to vse my foe . i can see others lay their soules to pawne , looke vpon great-men , and yet scorne to fawne . am still content , & dare whilst god giues grace , e'ne looke my grimmest fortunes in the face . i feare mens censures as the char-coale sparks , or as i doe a toothlesse dog that barks ; th' one frights children , ' other threats to burne , but sparks will die , and brawling curs returne . yea i haue learn't that still my care shall be , a rush for him , that cares a straw for me . now what would men haue more ? are these no pleasures ? or do they not deserue the name of treasures ? sure yes ; and he that hath good learning store , shall finde these in 't besides a thousand more . o● but our chuffs thinke these delights but course , if we compare them to their hobby-horse : and they beleeue not any pleasure can , make them so merry as maid-marian . not is the lawyer prouder of his fee ▪ then these will of a cuckooe lordship bee . though their sweet ladies make them father that , some other at their vvhitson ales begat ; but he whose carriage is of so good note , to be thought worthy of their lords fooles coate . that 's a great credit , for because that he , is euer thought the wisest man to be . but as there 's vertue where the diuil's precisest , so ther 's much knowledge where a fool 's the wisest , but what meane i ? let earth content these moles , and their high'st pleasure be their summer-poles , about the which i leaue them for to dance , and much good do 't them with their ignorance . so this i hope will serue for to declare , how rude these vulgar sort of people are . but herevpon there 's some may question make , vvhether i onely for the vulgar take , such men as these ; to whom i answer , no , for let them hereby vnderstand and know , i doe not meane these meaner sort alone , tradesmen or labourers ; but euery one , be he esquire , knight , baron , earle or more , yet if he haue not learn'd of vertues lore , but followes vulgar passions ; then e'ne he , amongst the vulgar shall for one man be . and the poore groome , that he thinks should adore him , shall for his vertue be preferd before him . for though the world doth such men much despise , they seeme most noble in a wise-mans eyes . and notwithstanding some doe noblest deeme , such as are sprung of great and high esteeme , and those to whom the country doth affoord the title of a marquis or a lord , though 't were atchiued by their fathers merits , and themselues men but of dunghill spirits ; cowards or fooles ; ( and such as euer be prating or boasting of their pedigree ) when they are nothing but a blot or shame , vnto the noble house from whence they came . yet these ( i say ) vnlesse that they haue wit , to guide the common-wealth , as it is fit they should ; and as their good fore-fathers did , how ere their faults may seeme by greatness hid , they shall appeare ; and the poore yeomans sonne , whose proper vertue hath true honour won , be plac't aboue him : but nobilitie that comes by birth hath most antiquitie some thinke ; and tother ( if at all they yeeld as noble ) they an vpstart call , but i say rather no , his noblenesse that 's rais'd by vertue hath most worthinesse . and is most ancient , for it is the same , by which all great men first obtaind their fame ; so then i hope 't will not offend the court , that i count some there with the vulgar sort , and outset others ; yet some thinke me bold , because there 's few that these opinions hold . but shall i care what others thinke or say ? there is a path besides the beaten way ; yea and a safer , for heere 's christs instruction , the broadest way leads soonest to destruction . and truely no opinions deceiue , sooner then those the vulgar sort receiue , and therefore he that would indeed be wise , must learne their rude conditions to despise , and shun their presence ; for we haue bin taught , diseases in a presse are quickly caught . now satyr leaue them till another time , and spare to scourge the vulgar with thy rime , if any thinke thou hast digrest too long , they may passe ouer this , and doe no wrong . but in my former matter to proceed , who , being mans race is so much freed from ficklenes , that he is sure to finde himselfe to morrow , in that very minde hee 's in to day ? though he not onely know no reason wherefore he should not be so , but also though he plainly do perceiue much cause he should not that opinion leaue : may no man do it ? who then iustly can be forced to rely , or trust in man whose thoughts are changing , and so oft amisse , that by himselfe , himselfe deceiued is ? who is so sottish as to build saluation on such a feeble tottering foundation as man ? who is 't that hauing a respect , to his soules safety , will so much neglect that precious assurance , as to lay his confidence on that false peece of clay , which being fickle , merits farre lesse trust , then letters written in the sand , or dust ? do they not see those they haue soundest deem'd , and for their constants writers still esteem'd , all wauering in assertions ? yea but looke , and you shall finde in one , and the same booke such contradiction in opinion , as shewes their thoughts are scarce at vnion . where finde you him that dares be absolute , or alwaies in his sayings resolute ? ther 's none ; i by my owne experience speake , i haue a feeling that we men are weake , whereon much musing , makes me inly mourne , and grieue at heart , that i a man was borne . ( yet herevpon i do desire that no man , vvould gather that i long to be a woman , ) alas ! how often had i good intendments and with my whole heart vow'd and sworn amendments yea purpos'd that , wherein i once thought , neuer vnconstancy should let me to perseuer ? and yet for all my purpose and my vow , i am oft alter'd ere my selfe knowes how : but therefore since it is not i alone , or any certaine number that is knowne , to be vn-stable ; but e'ne all that be ; since none ( i say ) is from this frailty free , let vs confesse it all , and all implore our nere repenting god ; that euermore remaines the same , we may be ( as we ought ) more certaine both in word , and deed , & thought that he will keep vs from inconstancy , yea from all damned , lewd apostasie ; but howsoeuer our affections change , and we in slight opinions hap to range : yet , pray his truth in vs be so ingraued , continuing to the end we may be saued . of weaknes . satyr . . bvt oh looke here ; for i haue surely found the maine chiefe root , the very spring and ground . of our inconstancy . it is not chance that so dis-ables our perseuerance : but a base weaknesse , which to terme aright , is meerely a priuat● on of that might , or a detraction from that little power which should be in those limbs and minds of our : we boast of strength ; but tell me , can our daies affoord a milo , or a hercules ? can all the world , ( and that is large enough ) a match for hector or achilles show : haue we a champion strong enough to weild this buckler ? or sir aiax seauen-fold-shield ? i thinke we haue not : ( but i durst so grant , there be some liuing shall with aiax vaunt . ) nay , now in these daies it is doubted much , vvhether that any former age had such as these fore-named ; but indeed our faith binds vs to credit , that as scripture saith there was a samson , who could fright whole hosts , and rent downe azaths barred gates and posts , whose mighty arms vnarm'd could bring to passe , e'ne with the rotten iaw bone of an asse , a thousands ruine ▪ and yet 't will be long , er'e he shall thereby proue that ma● is strong . for first , the strength he seem'd to haue , was known , to be the spirit of god , and not his owne . and then his proper weaknesse did appeare , when after his braue actiheihad wel-neare , been dead for thirst ; whereas if he in spight of nature had been able by his might , out of this little stony-rocke to wring , to quench his present thirst , some flowing spring , as did a stronger one : or if his power could haue compel'd the melting clouds to shower for present need , such plenteous drops of raine , he might haue had no cause for to complaine , or craue more aid . sure then we might at length , be brought for to beleeue that men had strength ; but ne're till then . hee 's mighty that can make the heaueus , earth , & hell with 's breath to shake . that in his spheare the suns swift course can stop , and atlas with his burthen vnder-prop . he that with ease his massy globe can rowle , and wrap vp heauen like a parchment scrowle ; he that fot no disease or paine will droop , nor vnto any plague infernall stoop . he that can meat , and drinke , and sleepe refraine , or hath the power to dye , and rise again● , hee 's strong indeed ; but he that can but teare , or rent in two a lyon , or a beare , or doe some such like act , and then goe lye himselfe ore-come by some infirmitte , how ere with vants he seemes his deedes to grace , he is both miserable , weak , and base , what creature is there borne so weake as man , and so vn-able ? tel me , he that can . or if that they could number'd be by any , count his disease and what hath so many ? or else what creature is there if he be in bone and flesh of the same quantity , so fraile as man ? or that can worse sustaine . hunger or thirst or cold or heat or paine ? sure none ; and yet in histories we find , til luxury hath weakened thus mankind , they weare much stronger ; could indure the heat , trauel a long time without drink or meat , and their best dainty was no costlier thing then a wild-root or water from the spring . with which small commons nature was content : yea in our climate people naked went ; and yet no question felt as little cold , as we wrapt vp in halfe a dozen fold they had no wast-coats , night-caps for their heads , nor downy pillowes nor soft feather-beds they scorn'd as much to haue such thinges about thē as we in this age sc●rne to be without them . their heads some stone bare vp their brawny sides , vvith ease the hardnes of the earth abides . gluttonous fare that so the pallat pleases , nere fild their bodies full of foule diseases nor any pleasing liquors with excesse , made them grow weak through beastly drunkennes . no lust-prouoking meats made them vnchaste . nor vnto carnall copula●ton haste , for i am in the minde they ne're requir'd it , till nature come to herfull strength , desir'd it , and that it is alone which made them be more stout , more strong , and brauer men then we . it was a noble care in them indeed ; but how are we become such dwarfes and pigmies now ? how are our limbs so weake and feeble growne ? i thinke i need not tell it , 't is well knowne , nice tender breeding , which we well might spare , much drunkennes and our luxurious fare : which ads not strength , as some doe vainely say but rather takes both strength , and health away . yet chiefely this same imbecility , comes by too soone and frequent venery . a beardlesse boy now cannot keep his bed , vnlesse that he be of his night-geere sped , and many giglets i haue married seene , ere they ( forsooth ) could reach eleuenteene . nay 't is no wonder we are growne so weake , for now the 'r matching brats ere they can speake ; and though we yet say that the men are stronger , yet he ( i thinke ) that liues but so much longer , the reuolution of an age to see , vvill say that men the weaker vessels be . but now our strength of body , which indeed , deserues no more respect then doth a reed , is not the strength of which i meant to speake , for we are yet another way too weake . our minds haue lost their magnanimitie , and are so feebled through infirmitie ; that either to be resolute we care not , or else because of some base feare we dare not , where can we finde almost a man so hardy , who through his weakenesse is not somtime tardy , to speake the truth ? or to declare his minde ? though he doe many iust occasions finde . he 'le wink at 's friends offence , and passe it blindly , least ( peraduenture ) he should tak 't vnkindly . and if it be a great man that offends , shew me but him that boldly reprehends , and i 'le admire him ; nay wee 'l rather now bend our endeuour and our study how to sooth and fawne ; or to their lewdnes tell , that all they doe ( be 't nere so bad ) is well . their very looks and presence we so feare , as if that they some monstrous cyclops were , which makes them worse . but howsoe're they trust vnto their might , i 'le tell them ( for i must ) although they threaten , and can slanders make of iust reproofes , my heart shall neuer quake t' informe their honors , thus'tis censur'd by men , if they be great-ones , tanto maius crimen ; one knowes the truth , but dares not to defend it , because he heares another discommend it . yea diuers follow vertues wayes but coldly , because they dare not doe a good thing boldly and doe we not perceiue that many a man fearing for to be ●earm'd a p●ritan , simply neglects the meanes of his saluation , though it be needfull , and worth commendation ? some cannot well endure this or that : others distempred with i know not what shew an exceeding frailty : few can brooke with any patience , that men should looke into their actions ; and though they should loue them , they rather hate them for 't that doe reproue them . is there a man so strong , that he forbeares choller or fury , when by chance he heares , himselfe reuil'd , reproched and disgrac'd ? if there be such a one , he shall be plac'd amongst the worthie , with the formost three : for in my iudgement , none more wothy be to haue renowne for strength , then those that can , on their rebellious passons play the man. this weakenes i do also find in men , they know not their owne happinesse till then when they haue lost it : and they doe esteeme men for their wealth , and them most blessed deeme that are most rich ; supposing no man more accursed or vnhappy , then the poore . some basely doe comdemne each strange report to be vntrue , because it doth not sort with their weake reasons . some againe will be , astonished at euery nouelty . but too much wondring doth discover plaine where ignorance and frailty both remaine . is it not weakenesse when some petty losses , some hindrance in preferment , or such crosses shall make men greeue ? is it no weakenesse when , aduersitie shall so disquiet men that they should not with patience sustaine , or vndetgoe a little crosse and paine ? yes questionles it is ; or were they strong , they would so arme themselues gainst greefe and wrong that no disastrous , or il hap shold fright them though fortune did the worst she can to spight them . nor would they those , as the vnworthiest deeme , to whom dame fortune doth most froward seeme ; but rather such as all their life time be , in quiet state and from disturbance free . for ●he oft giues what their base longing craues , because she scornes to vexe deiected flaues , i haue knowne braue men , braue at least in shew , ( and in this age now that is braue enow ) that in appearance for bold champions past and yet haue basely yeelded at the last . besides there 's many who thought scorne to droop , by fortunes power haue been made to stoop , and with discredit shamefully left vndone , what they with honor at the first begun ; and their weake hearts ( which frailty i much hate ) deiected , haue growne base with their estate . vvhereas ( me thinkes ) the mind should neuer be , subiect to fortunes frownes not tyrany . but here through weaknes , some , offence may take that i of fortune should recitall make : for they by fortune say there 's nothing done , but all things are both ended and begunne , by gods appointment . i confesse indeed , that he knowes all , and all hath fore-decreed : in the respect of whom i cannot say , ought comes by chance ; respecting vs i may . so they are answer'd ; but how can men be , so ouer-borne with this infirmitie ? as those who are in euery matter led , by parasites and apes : where is their head ? i meane their will , their reason , and their sence , what is become of their intelligence ? how i st that they haue such a partiall care , they can iudge nothing true , but what they heare come from the tongue of some sly sycophant . but for because they strength of iudgement want , those that themselues to flatterers inure , i haue perceiued basely to endure for to be plainely soothed , mock't and flouted , made coxcombs to their faces , yet not doubted that they were highly reuerenc't , respected , and by those fauning parasites affected and why forsooth ? they often heare them prate , in commendations of their happy state ; yes , and they tell them that they vertuous be , wise , courteous , strong , and beautifull to see , when if the eye of reason were not lockt they plainly might perceiue that they were mockt . for what i st else , when they are prais'd for many goodly conditions , that had neuer any ? this frailty also merits to be blam'd when fearefull of reproach we are asham'd , our ignorance in those things to explaine , wherin , t were fit more knowledge to attain 't is weaknes also when a bargaines bought , for to dispraise the penniworth as nought , and tell what might haue beene , or fondly prate , of counsel , when he sees it is too late , nor is it any lesse to seeke to stay , him that we know doth hasten on his way , o● be importunate , for that which will ▪ be nothing for our good , yet others ill : also , to be affraid for to gainesay , what men doe know vnture , or to delay the right of any matter to declare , because they feare they vnbeleeued are : for notwithstanding truth doth oft bring blame , it may be freely spoken without shame diuers more waies of which i needs must speake , there 's many men doe shew themselues but weake : in some but lately i obserued this , and must needs say their nature euill is ; if friends to them haue any kindnes showne , or entertainments willingly bestowne , that they confesse they are indebted for it , yet such is their condition ( i abhor it ) if that those freinds do hap to take the paine , to come somtime and visit them againe , in meere good will , because these weake ones see they cannot then so well prouided be to bid them welcome as their loues require , ( though more then loue their loues did ne're desire ) a foolish shame so blinds them that they shall ( for giuing them to much ) haue naught at all ; yea for because they want excessiue fare , or some such things for which their friends neere care , ( though by their will it other wise had beene ) they neither will be knowne at home nor seene . vvhich doth not onely shew impiety , but hindereth loue , and barres society , yet now the greatest weaknesse that i finde , to be in man , is ignorance of mind , it makes a poore man hee 's scarse good for ought , if rich men haue it , they are worse then nought . for hauing riches store , and wanting might , or strength of mind to vse the same aright , t is arrogancies and ambitious fuell , it makes them couetuous , inconstant , cruell ; intemperate , vniust and wonderous heady , yea in their actionsrude , and so vnsteddy they cannot follow any sound direction , but are still carried with a wild affection , this is their nature : ( it is quickly noted ) if they to honour be by hap promoted then they grow insolent , beyond all reason , apt for ambition , quarrels , murthers , treason : or any villany , that followes those , who doe the summe of happinesse repose in worldly glory : but if fortune frowne , and from her fickle wheele once cast them downe , then their deiected hearts againe grow base , they are impatient of their present case : raue or run mad , and can doe nought poore elues , vnlesse it be goe hang or drowne them selues . moreouer the same weakenes that proceeds , from ignorance , this mischife also breeds ; it makes men will conceited of their will , which they will follow be it nere so ill . and they thinke all things needs must fall out bad , wherein their wise aduise may not be had . but heere 's the hell : to them all counsell's vaine , cause they all others wisedome doe disdaine , and wholly on their owne deuises rest , as men perswaded that their owne are best : but as all such are weake , e'ne so i say is euery one that rashly doth repay vengeance in anger ; or that 's male content oft ; or oft mooued and impatient : or those that iudge of counsels by th' euent , or that perswade themselues , if their intent be good and honest , that it doth not skill if that the matter of it selfe be ill ; which were it true then dauid might complaine , that vzzah for his good intent was slaine . others againe thinke superstitious rites , to be the seruice in which god delghts . but since i 'me forst my mind of them to speake , i must needs say their iudgements are but weake : the like i must of them who disesteeme , all forraine customes , and doe onely deeme their owne , praise-worthy ; as also such as do thinke those things best they cannot reach vnto ; yet in the vulgar this weake humor 's bred , they 'l sooner be with idle customes led , or fond opinions such as they haue store , then learne of reason or of vertues lore , we think that we are strong , but what alas ! is there that our great might can bring to passe , since though we thereto bend e'ne all our will , we neither can be good not wholly ill . god giues vs needfull blessings for to vse them , which wanting power to do we oft abuse them , some hold them wise and vertuous that professe , an heremitall solitariness : but it proceeds from imbecillity , and for because through non-ability , those thinges they cannot well in dure to doe , which they indeed should be inur'd vnto : besides , they wrong their country , and their friends . for man ( saith tullye's , ) borne to other ends then for to please himselfe ; a part to haue , the common-weale doth look , and parents craue a part ; so doth his friend ; then deales he well that closely mewd vp in a carelesse cell keepes all himselfe ; and for a little ease , can in his conscience find to rob all these ? i say hee 's weake , and so againe i must , but add withall , hee 's slothfull and vniust : then as hee 's vaine that precious time doth spend , in fond and idle pleasure to no end : so are those weake , that with contempt disdaine all plesure and delights on earth as vaine ; and though they would be zealous thought , & wise i shall but count them foolishly precise ; for man hath cares ; and pleasures mixt with-all are needfull ; yea both iust and naturall . we are no angels that our recreation , should consist only in meer contemplation : but we haue bodies to , of whose due pleasure , the soules must find sometimes to be at leasure for to participate ; but in this kind , though some find fault , we are not much behind then t is through humane weaknes , when that we of a good-turne will soone forgetfull be , and readier to reuenge a small offence , then for that good to make a recompen ● and so 't is also when that we eschew , or shunne them vnto whom from vs is due both loue and mony ; this because their owne th' other cause friendship at our need was showne : but 't is well seen there 's many so abhor , to be in presence with their creditor , that ( thankless elues ) though he be still their friend . they rather would desire to see his end : he 's weake , to that 's not able to withstand , any vnlawfull or vniust demand , as well as he that knowes not to deny , seruing-mens kindness , or pot-curtesie . some simple fellowes , cause that silken-fooles , ( that had their bringing-vp in bacchus schooles . ) in show of loue , but daine to drink vnto them , think presently they such a fauour do them , that though they feele their stomack wel nigh sick yet if to pledge these kind ones they should sticke : or for a draught or two , or three refuse them they thinke in conscience they should much abuse them nay there be some , and wisemen you would thinke that are not able to refuse their drinke , through this their weaknesse ; though that they be sure 't is more then their weake stomacks can indure , and why ? oh 't is the health of some great peere his maisters , or his friend he counteth deare ; what then ? if that the party vertuous be , he 'le not esteeme of such a foolery ; if not , who er 't be , this is my mind still , a straw for 's loue , his friendship , or good will , some muse to see those that haue knowledge gaind and to degrees of art in schooles attaind , should haue opinion stuft with heresie , and in their action such simplicitie as many haue , at first , without a pause , as meere a boy as i may tell the cause : i st not , the reason their acquired parts , and knowledge they haue reacht vnto by arts is growne a m●tch to great , and farre vnfit , for to be ioyned with their naturallwit ? 't is so ; and they insteed of rightfull vsing draw from their leraning errors , by abusing . plaine reason should , and euery man that 's wise knowes though that learning be a dainty prize , yet if that fate with such a weakling place it , who hath no helpes of nature for to grace it : or one , whose proper knowledge , is so small , he is beholding to his booke for all ; it onely breeds , ( vnlesse it be some treasons ) cripled opinions , and prodigious reasons . which being fauour'd brings in the conclusion , publike dissentions , or their owne confusion . for i may liken learning to a shield , with a strong armor , lying in a field : ready for any man that hath the wit to take it vp and arme himselfe with it , now if he be a man of strength and might , that happens on that furniture to light he may doe wonders ; as offend his foe , and keep himselfe and his , from ouerthrow . but if a weake and feeble man should take these instruments of mars ; what would they make , for his aduantage ? surely i should gather they would goe neere to ouerthrow him rather : for they would loade him so , a man more strong although he be vnarm'd , may doe him wrong . so he , that is depriu'd of natures guifts , with all his learning , maketh harder shifts , through his owne weakenes , & incurs more shames ; then many that want art to write their names . we haue some fellowes that would scorne to be term'd weake i know , especially by me , because they see that my vngentle fate , allow'd me not to be a graduate . yet whatsoeuer they will say vnto it , for all their scorning i am like to doe it . and to be breefe they are no simple fooles , but such as haue yauld ergo in the schooles , who being by some men of worship thought , fit men by whom their children may be taught , and learnd enough for that they are allowd the name of teachers , whereof growing proud , because perhaps they heare that now and then , they are admired at by the seruing-men ; or else by reason somthing they haue said , hath beene applauded by the chamber-maid ; they therevppon suppose that no man may . hold any thing for truth but what they say : and in discourse their tongues so much wil walke , you may not heere a man of reason talke ; they are halfe preachers , if your question be , of matters that concerne diuinity ; if it be law ; i 'le warrant they 'l out-face , a dozen p●oydens to maintaine their case : but if it be of physick you contend , old galen and hypocrates may send for their opinion ; nay , they dare professe , knowledge in al things , though there 's none know less : now i should wonder they preuaild so much , did not the common-people fauour such , but they are knowne although their verdit passes , proud dogmatists , and self-conceited asses ; whom i may tearme ( though i cannot out-scold them weake simple fooles , and those that doe vphold them : moreouer some , ( but foolishly precise , and in my iudgement , far more weake then wise , ) misiudge of poetry , as if the same , did worthily dese●ue reproach and blame ; if any booke in verse they hap to spy , oh , out vpon 't , away , pr●fane they cry , burn't , reade it not , for sure it doth containe nothing but fables of a lying braine ; al-as● take heed , indeed it oft pollutes the out-side of thy false-vaine glorious sutes ? and to the blinded people makes it plaine , the coulour , thou so counterset'st will staine . because we see that men are drunke with wine , shall we contemne the liquor of the vine ? and since there 's some that doe this art misuse , wilt therefore thou the art it selfe abuse ? 't were meere iniustice : for diuinitie hath with no science more affinitie then this ; and howsoe're this scruple rose , rime hath exprest as sacred things as prose ; when both in this age and in former time , prose hath been ten-times more profane , then rime ; but they say still that poetry is lies , and fables , such as idle heads deuise , made to please fooles : but now we may by this perceiue their weaknes plainely what it is : yea , this both weake and ignorant doth proue them , in that thei 'l censure things that are aboue them : for , if that worthy poets did not teach , a way beyond their dull conceited reach , i thinke their shallow wisedomes would espy , a parable did differ from a lie . yea , if their iudgement be not quite bereft ; or if that they had any reason left , the precious truths within their fables wrapt , had not vpon so rude a censure hapt ; but though that kind of teaching some dispraise , as there 's few good things lik't of now adaies : yet i dare say because the s●riptures show it , the best e're taught on earth , taught like a poet : and whereas poets now are counted base , and in this worth-lesse age in much disgrace ; i of the cause cannot refraine to speake , and this it is ; mens iudgements are growne weake , they know not true desert ; for if they did their well deseruings could not so be hid , and sure if there be any doth despise such as they are ; it is cause he enuies their worthines ; and is a secret foe to euery one that truely learnes to know : for , of all sorts of men here 's my beliefe , the poet is most worthy and the chiefe : his science is the absolut'st and best , and deserues honor aboue all the rest ; for 't is no humane knowledge gain'd by art , but rather 't is inspir'd into the heart by diuine meanes ; and i doe muse men dare , twixt it and their professoins make compare . for why should he that 's but philosopher , geometrician , or astrologer , physitian , lawyer , rhetorician . historian , arithmetician , or some such like , why should he hauing found the meanes but by one ar● to be renown'd , compare with him that claimes to haue a part and interest almost in euery art ? and if that men may adde vnto their name , by one of these an euerlasting fame , how much more should it vnto them befall , that haue not onely one of these , but all as poets haue ? for doe but search their works and you shall find within their writing lurks all knowledge ; if they vndertake of diu●ne matters any speech to make , you 'l thinke them doctors ; if they need to tell the course of starres , they seeme for to excell great ptolomey ; entend they to perswade , you 'l thinke that they were retoricians made : vvhat law , what phisick , or what history can these not treat of ? nay what mistery are they not learn'd in ? if of trades they write , haue they not all tearms and words as right as if he had seru'd an apprentiship ? can they not name all tooles for workemanship ? we see t is true ; if once they entreat of wars ? of cruell bloudy fraies ? of wounds ? of scars ? vvhy then he speaks so like a souldier there , that he hath beene begot in armes thou 'lt sweare : againe , he writes so like a nauigator , as if they had seru'd neptune in the water , and thou wouldst thinke he might of trauaile make as great a volume , as our famous drake ; old proteus , and vertumnus are but apes . compar'd to these , for shifting of their shapes ; there is no humorous passion so strange , to which they cannot in a moment change : note but their drammaticks and you shall see they i speake for euery sex , for each degree , and in all causes as if they had beene , in euery thing , or at least all things seene . if need be they can like a lawyer prate , or talke more grauely like a man of state ; they 'l haue a tradesmans tongue to praise their ware , and counterfet him right ( but they 'le not sweare ) the curioust phisicians ( if they please ) shall not quoine words to giue their patients ease so well as they ; and if occasion vrge , they 'l choller , yea and melancholly purge onely with charmes and words ; and yet it shall be honest meanes and meerely naturall ; are they dispos'd to gossip't like a woman , they 'l shew their tricks so right , that almost noman , but would so thinke them : virgins that are purest , and marrons that make shew to be demurest , speake not so like chast cynthia , as they can , nor newbery so like a curtezan ; they 'l giue words either fitting for a clowne , or such as shall not vnbeseeme a crowne ; in show they will be chollerick , ambitious , d●sperate , iealous , mad , or enuious , in sorrow , or in any passion be ; but yet remaine still , from all passions free . for they onely to this end exprest them , that men may see them plainer , and detest them . but some will say that these haue on the stage , so painted out the vices of this age , that it not onely tels that they haue bin , experienc't in euery kind of sinne , but that it also doth corrupt , and show how men should act those sins they did not know , oh hatefull saying , not pronounc't by chance , bnt spew'd out of malicious ignorance ; vveigh it , and you will either thinke these weak , or say that they doe out of enuy speake : can none declare th' effect of drunkennes , vnlesse they vsed such-like bestlinesse ? are all men ignorant what comes by lust , excepting those tht were themselues vniust ? or thinke they no man can describe a sin ? but that which he himselfe hath wallawed in ? if they suppose so , i no cause can tell , but they may also boldly say as well they are apprentices to euery trade , of which they find they haue descriptions made , or for because they see them write those things , that do belong to rule best , say th' are kings : as though that sacred poesie inspir'd , no other knowledge then might be acquir'd by the dull outward sence ; yes , this is shee that showes vs no● alone all things that be , but by her power laies before out view , such wondrous things as nature neuer knewe and then whereas they say that men are worse , by reading what these write , 't is their owne curse , for is the flower faulty cause we see , the loathsome spider and the painefull bee , make diuers vse on 't ? no it is the same , vnto the spider though she cannot frame , like sweetnes as the bee thence ; but indeed i must confesse that this bad age doth breed , too many that without respect presume , this worthy title on them to assume , and vndeseru'd base fellowes , whom meere time , hath made sufficient to bring forth a rime , a curtaine ligge , a libell or a ballet , for fidlers or some roagues with staffe and wallet to sing at doores ; men only wise enough , out of some rotten old worme-eaten stuffe , to patch vp a bald witlesse comedy , and trim it heere and there with ribaldry learn'd at a baudy house ▪ i say there 's such , and they can neuer be disgrac't too much , for though the name of poet such abuses , yet they are enemies to all the muses and dare not sort with them for feare they will , tumble them headlong downe parnassus hill : why then should their vsurping of it wrong that title which doth not to them belong ? and wherefore should the shame of this lewd , crew betide them , vnto whom true honors due ? it shal not ; for how ere they vse the name , their works wil show how they do merit fame ; and though it be disgrac't through ignorance , the generous will poesie aduance : as the most antique science that is found , and that which hath been the first root & ground of euery art ; yea that which only brings content ; and hath beene the delight of kings ; great iames our king both loues & liues a poet , his bookes now extant do directly show it , and that shall adde vnto his worthy name , a better glory , and a greater fame then britaines monarchy ; for few but he , i thinke will both a king and poet be ; and for the last , although some fooles debase it , i 'me in the mind that angels do imbrace it : and though god giu 't heere but in part to some , all shall hau 't perfect in the world to come . this in defence of poesie to say i am compel'd , because that at this day , weaknesse and ignorance hath wrong'd it sore ▪ but what need any man therein speake more then diuine sidney hath already done ? for whom ( though he deceas'd ere i begu● ) i haue oft sighed , and bewaild my fate , that brought me forth so many yeeres too late , to view that worthy ; and now thinke not you oh daniell , draiton , iohnson , chapman how i long to see you with your fellow peeres , matchlesse siluester , glory of these yeeres . i hither to haue onely heard your fames and know you yet but by your workes and names : the little time , i on the earth haue spent , would not allow me any more content : i long to know you better that is the truth , i am in hope you 'l not disdaine my youth . for know you muses darlings , i le note raue , a fellowship amongst you for to haue : oh no ; for though my euer willing heart , haue vow'd to loue and praise you and your art ; and though that i your stile doe now assume , i doe not , nor i will not so presume ; i claime not that too-worthy name of poet ; it is not yet deseru'd by me , i know it . grant me i may but on your muses tend , and be enrould their seruant , or their friend . and if desert hereafter worthy make me , then for a pellow ( if it please you ) take me . but yet i must not here giue off to speake , to tell men wherein i haue found them weake , and chiefely those that cannot brooke to heare , mention of death but with much griefe and fear● for many are not able for to take that thought into them , but their soules will quake ▪ poore feeble spirits , would you nere away , but dwell for euer in a peece of clay ? what find you heere wherein you doe delight , or what 's to seeing that 's worth the sight ? what ? doth the heauens thy endeauors blesse and wouldst thou therefore liue for to possesse the ioy thou hast ? seek't not ; perhaps to morro● thou l't wish to haue di'd to day , to scape the sorro● thou then shall see , for shame take stronger hearts and adde mo●e courage to your betteer parts ; for death 's not to be feard , since t is a friend , that of your sorrowes makes a gentle end . but here a qualitie i call to minde . that i amongst the common-people finde , this 't is , a weake one to ; when they perceiue a friend neare death , and ready for to leaue this wretched life ; and if they heare him say some par●ing words , as if he might not stay , nay say not so ( these comforters reply ) take heart your time 's not come , ye shall not die ; what man , and grace of god you shal be stronger ; and liue no doubt yet , many a faire day longer . thinke not on death ; with many such like words , such as their vnderstanding best affoords : but where is now become this peoples wit ? vvhat doth their knowledges esteeme more fit then death to thinke on ; chiefly when men be about to put off their mortal●tie ? me thinkes they rather should perswade them then fearelesse to be resolu'd , to die like men. for want of such a resolution stings at point of death ; and dreadfull horror brings , ●e'ne to the soule ; cause wanting preparation , she lies despairing of her owne saluation ; yea and moreouer this full well know i , he that 's at any time afraide to die , ●s in weake case , and whatso'ere he saith , hath but a wauering and a feeble faith. but what need i goe farther to relate , the frailty i haue seene in mans estate ? since this i haue already said makes cleere , that of all creatures , god hath placed here , ( prouided we respect them in their kind ) vve cannot any more vnable finde ; for of our selues we haue not power to speake , no nor to frame a thought , we are so weake . against our bodies eue'ry thing preuailes , and oft our knowledge and our iudgement failes ; yea if that one mans strength were now no lesse , then all men doe in generall possesse . or if he had attaind to ten-times more then all gods creatures ioyn'd in one before ; yet would his power be eauen then so small , when he stands surest ; he 's but sure to fall ; 't is onely weakenesse that doth make vs droupe , and vnto crosses and diseases stoupe : that makes vs vaine , inconstant , and vnsure , vnable any good things to endure : it brings vs to the seruile base subiection , of all loose passion , and vntam'd affection : it leads vs and compels vs oft to stray both beside truth , and out of reasons way . and lastly we , and that because of this , either doe nothing ; or do all amisse . which being so , we may with dauid then , confesse that we are rather wormes then men . of presvmption . satyr . . soft heedlesse muse thou no aduisement tak'st , wast not of men that last of al thou spak'st : it was : and of the weakness● too of men , come then with shame now and denie 't agen , reca●t : for so the matter rhou didst handle , thou maist be curst for t , with bell booke & candle : is mankind weake ? who then can by their powers , into the aire hurle palaces and towers ? and with one blaste'ne in a moment make , whole kingdomes and braue monarchies to shake . or what are they that dare for toaspire , into gods seat ; and if it might be higher : that forgiue sinnes as fast as men can do them , and make iehouah be beholding to them ? i 'ue heard of such ; what are they ? would i wist ; they can make saints they say of whom they list : and being made , aboue the stars cāseat them yea with their own hands make their gods & eat thē ha ? are they men ; how dar'st thou then to speake , such b●asphemy to say mankinde is weake ? i tell thee this muse , either man is strong , and through thy babling thou hast done him wrong , or else beyond his limits he doth erre , and for presumption puts downe lucifer : i st so ? nay then i prethee muse goe on , and let vs heare of his presumption : for i doe know , cause i haue heard him vaunt , that he 's a creature proud and arrogant : and it may be he is not of such might as he makes show for ; but vsurps some's right ▪ there't goe's indeed , for though he be so base so weake , and in such miserable case , that i want words of a sufficient worth , to paint his most abhorred vilenesse forth : yet such is also his detested pride , that i suppose the diuell is belide by euery man that shall affirme or say he is more proud ; for doe but marke i pray : this creature man ; did natures powerfull king , ( god , that of nothing framed eu'ry thing ) m●uld out of clay ; a peece which he had rent , e'ne from the earth the basest element : and whereas he might haue beene made a thrall , yea and the very vuderling of all ; that god with title of chief ruler grac't him , and as a steward ouer all things plac't him : gaue him a pleasant garden for to till , and leaue to eate of eu'ry tree at will. onely of one indeed he did deny him , and peraduenture of that one , to try him ; but see his insolence ; though god did threat death if he eate , and though that god was great , and so exceeding iust , that he well knew , all that he threatned doubtles would ensue : thogh god were strōg , & could , had mā bin prouder ( pore clay-bred worm ) haue stampt him into pouder● yet ( not withstanding all this same ) did he presume to tast of that forbidden tree . a rash beginning , but he sped so ill , d' yee thinke he held on this presumption still ? to heare he had left that offence 't were newes , but cain and nimrod , pharaoh and the lewes , shew'd it continued ; and grew much more , rather then lesser ▪ then it was before ; caine in his murther , and his proud replie ; nimrod in that he dar'd to build so high ; pharaoh by boldly tempting god , to shew his sundry plagues to egypts ouerthrow ; and many waies the last ; but what need i , recite examples of antiquitie ? or for to taxe old ages for that crime , since there was nere a more presumptuous time then this that 's now ; what dare not men to doe , if they haue any list or minde thereto ? their fellow creatures they doe much contemne , vaunting that all things were ordain'd for them ; yea both the gladsome daies and quiet nights , sun , moone , & heauen , with those glorious lights , which so be spangle that faire azure roofe , they thinke were onely made for their behoofe : when as alas their poore and weake command cannot extend so farre for to withstand the least starres force ; and them and their estate , sunne , moone , and starres too , do predominate . before our fall indded we did excell , all other creatures that on earth did dwell , but now i thinke the very worst that be , haue iust asmuch to boast vpon as we . our soule 's defil d ; and therefore if in sence we place our worth and cheefe prehemmence , t is knowne that there be diuers creatures then vvill haue the vpper hand ; for they passe men ; and though we still presume vpon 't , t is vaine , to challenge our old soueraingty againe ; for when that we from our obedience fell all things against vs also did rebell , lyons and beares , and tigers sought our blood the barren earth deny'd to yeeld vs food : the clouds raignd plagues , and yet dare we go on , we find such pleasure in presumption . but for because there 's some do scarcely know , how we do in that fault offend ; i le shew . first , when that they new worshippings inuent , and cannot hold themselues so well content vvith that which god doth in his word ordaine , as with inuentions of their owne weake braine , it seemes they think their fancies to fulfill , vvould please him better then to haue his will. next i doe reckon them , that ouer-bold , gods sacred legend haue at will contrould , and maugre his grand-curse some places chang'd added to some , and some againe estrang'd ; then those great masters i presumptuous deeme , that of their knowledge doe so well esteeme , they will force others , as the papists doe for to alow of their opinions to , yea though it be a meere imagination , that neither hath good ground nor iust foundation some will be prying though they are forbidden , into those secrets , god ment should be hidden . so doe some students in astrologie , though they can make a faire apologie ▪ and so doe those that very vainely trie , to finde our fortunes by their palmistrie ; these doe presume , but much more such as say , at this or that time , comes the iudgement day . or such as aske , or dare for to relate , what god was doing ere he did create heauen and earth ; or where he did abide , how and by whom , he then was glorifide . but those that into such deep secrets wind . a slender profit in their labours find ; for to make knowne how highly they offend , a desperate madnes is ofttimes their end . yet such their nature is , thei le not beware , but to be prying further still they dare , for sure that longing can no way be flaid , which well the poet seemd to know , who said , man , what he is forbidden still desires , and what he is denide off , most requires . rather then many will a man gainesay , they dare make bold with god , they thinke they may because it seems they deeme him not so strong , or so well able to reuenge a wrong . some such great power to themselues assume , and on their owne strength doe so much presume , they seldome doe for gods assistance craue , as if it were a needlesse thing to haue ; which is the cause that often the conclusion proues their owne shame , their hindrance & confusion ; in praying , men presume , ( vnlesse they be , with eu'ry one in loue and charitie : ) or if in their petitions , they desire such things as are vnlawfull to require ; death 's their reward , we know , that break the law , but neither that , nor yet damnations awe keeps vs from sinne ; a thousand god-heads more , then one we make , and dare for to adore our owne hand-works ; the sabboth we disdaine , and dreadlesse take the name of god in vaine : if but by his lords hand an irish swere , to violate that oath he stands in feare ; least him of both his lands and goods he spoile , for making him the instrument of guile : and yet dare we ( poore wormes ) before his face , ( respecting whom , the greatest lords are base ) both sweare , & forsweare ; vsing that great name at pleasure , without any feare of blame : why should not we as well suppose that he , who in our hearts would haue no fraud to be , will miserable , poore , and naked leaue vs , yea , of those blessings and estates bereaue vs we now hold of him , if we thus contemne , and still abuse his sacred name , and him ? but men secure in wickednes per●ist as if they could please god with what they list ; if they can , lord haue mercy on them say , and mumble some few prayers once a day , there needs no more ; nay , surely there be such , that thinke it is enough ; if not too-much : but what 's their reason ? god made all the man , why should he haue but part allow'd him than ? he in their seruice nothing doth delight , vnlesse it be with all their strength and might , with their whole heart , & soule , and that way toe , as he appoints them in his word to doe : some men their are who hope by honesty , by their almes-deeds , and works of charity to win gods fauour , and for to obtaine saluation by it ; but their hope 's in vaine : also , their 's others cause they haue the faith , for to beleeue 't is true the scripture saith , since they haue knowledge in religion , and make thereof a strict profession : or doe obserue the outward worship duly , do think that their in they haue pleas'd god truely . now these are iust as far as th' other wide , or they gods worship doe by halfes diuide , and for his due which is e'ne all the heart , do dare presume to offer him a part ; but th' one must know he will not pleased be , with a religion that wants honestie : and th' other that as little good will doe , his honest shew without religion toe ; if this be so , ( as so it is indeed ) how then wil those presumptuous fellowes speed ? who thinke ( forsooth ) because that once a yeare , they can afford the poore some slender cheare ; obserue their country feasts , or common doles , and entertaine their christmas wassaile boles , or else because that for the churches good , they in defence of hock-tide custome stood ; a whitsun-ale , or some such goodly motion , the better to procure young mens deuotion : what will they doe , i say , that think to please , their mighty god with such vaine things as these ? sure very ill ; for though that they can mone , and say that loue and charity is gone as old folkes do , because their banquetings , their antient-drunken-summer reuelings are out of date ; though they can say through teaching , and since the ghospell hath had open preaching , men are growne worse ; though they can soon espy a little mote in their owne neighbours eye yea though that they their pater noster can , and call their honest neighbour puritan ; ( how ere they in their owne conceits may smile , yet they are presumptuous , weake , and vile ; also in this abhominable time , it is amongst vs now a common crime , to flout and scoffe at those which we do spy , vvilling to shake off humane vanity ; and those that gladly do themselues enforce , vnto a strict and more religious course , then most men doe ; although , they truely know no men are able to pay halfe they owe ( thought vnto their god , ( as though their wisedomes he migh be serued better then he ought , they count precise and curious more then needs , they try their sayings and weigh all their deeds : a thousand thinges that they well do shal be , slightly past ouer as if none did see : but one thing ill done , ( though the best does ill ) they shal be certaine for to heare of still ; yea not with standing they can daily smother , millions of ten times greater faults in other : vvho are so hated or so often blam'd ? or so reuil'd , or scorn'd ? or so misnam'd ? to whom do we now our contentions lay , who are so much term'd puritans as they that feare god most ? but t is no maruaile men , presume so much to wrong his children ; when as if they fear'd not his reuengefull rod , they can blaspheme and dare to anger god. now by these wordes to some men it may seeme , that i haue puritans in high esteeme ; indeed , if by that name you vnderstand , those that the vulgar atheists of this land , do daily terme so ; that is such as are fore-named heere ; and haue the greatest care to know and please their maker : then 't is true , i loue them well ; for loue to such is due : but if you meane the busie headed sect , the hollow crew , the counterfeit elect : our d●gmatists , and euer-wrangling spirits , that doe as well contemne good workes , as merits : if you meane those that make their care seem great to get soules food , when 't is for bodies meate , or those all whose religion doe depend , on this , that they know how to discommend a maygame , or a summerpole defie , or shake the head , or else turne vp the eye ; if you meane those , how euer they appeare , this i say of them ( would they all might heare ) though in a zealous habit they doe wander , yet they are gods foes and the churches slander ; and though they humble be in show to many , they are as haughty euery way as any . what need i here the lewd presumptions tell of papists in these daies ? t is knowne to well : for them there of each peasant now conuinces , in things as well concerning god as princes , other ▪ i find toe , that doe dare presume , the office of a teacher to assume ; and being blind themselues and gone astray , take on them to shew other men the way . yea some there be , who haue small guifts or spirit , no kind of knowledge , and as little merit ; that with the world haue made a firme cōiunctio● ▪ yet dare to vndergoe the sacred function of christ his pas●or . yea such is their daring , that neither for their charge nor duty caring , insteed of giuing good and sound instruction , they lead themselues and others to destruction . we read that ieremy and moses both , to vndertake their charge were wondrous loth : ( the greatnes of the same so much appal'd them ) yea though that god himselfe directly cal'd them : but our braue clarkes as if they did condemne , the two much bashfull backwardnes of them : or else as if themselues they abler thought ; those diuine callings , haue not onely sought without respect of their ability , a c●ristian conscience or ciuility , but being of old simon magus tribe , purchase it often with a hateful bribe ; vvhich showes that they such places do desire , not for the good of others but their hire : but patrons feare yee neither god nor hell ? dare ye the churches patrimony sell for filthy lucre , in despite of law sacred or humane ? pedants dare yee ? hah ? dare you buy 't of them ? by gods help , vnlesse this villany ere long , haue some redresse , i le find a meanes , or else let me haue blame , to bring some smart , or else eternal shame vpon you for 't ; it may be you do sent it , but all your pollicy shall not preuent it : what do you look for hell and your d●mnation ? vvel you shall haue it by impropriation ; i know now you haue enter'd simony , you le double damne your selues with periury . for , they as oft together may be seene , as is the chilling feauer and the spleene , but oh deare countrymen be more aduis'd , thinke what god is he may not be dispis'd . could you well weigh his iustice and his power , how many infinites it passeth ouer : and knew his iudgements we would not dissemble an outward fained reuerence ; but tremble and shake with horror ; you 'd not dare to venter sanctum sanctorum so vnfit to enter ; his churches good you rather would aduance , then rob it thus of her inheritance ; or make the same ( as men stil vnbeleeuing ) like to a house of merchandise and theeuing . you to whom deeds of former times are knowne , marke to what passe this age of ours is growne , euen with vs that strictest seeme to be , in the professing christianity ; you know men haue been carefull to augment , the churches portion and haue beene content to adde vnto it out of their estate ; and sacriledge all nations did so hate that the meere irish who seem'd not to care , for god nor man had the respect to spare the churches profits ; yea their heed was such that in the time of need they would not touch , the knowne prouisions , they daily saw , stor'd vp in churches : in such feare and awe the places held them ; though that they did know the thinges therein belonged to their foe : but now the world & mans good natures chang'd from this opinion most men are estrang'd ; we rob the church , and what we can attaine by sacriledge and theft is our best gaine : in paying dues the refuse of our stock , the barrennest and leanest of our flock shall serue our pastor ? whom for to deceiue we think no sin ; nay further ( by your leaue ) men seeke not to impropriate a part vnto themselues : but they can find in heart t' engross vp all : which vile presumption , hath brought church-liuings to a strange consumption and if this strong disease do not abate , 't wil be the poorest member in the state ; no maruaile though in steed of learned preachers , we haue beene pester'd with such simple teachers such poore , mute , tong-tide readers , as scarce know whether that god made adam first or no : thence it proceeds , and ther 's the cause that place and office at this time incurs disgrace . for men of iudgement or good dispositions , scorne to be tyde to any base conditions : like to our hungry pedants , who 'le engage , their soules for any curtold vicarage . i say there 's none of knowledge , wit , or merit ▪ but such as are of a most seruile spirit , that will so wrong the church as to presume , some poore-halfe-demi-parsnage to assume in name of all ; no , they had rather quite be put beside the same , than wrong gods right , well , they must entertaine such pedants then , fitter to feed swine , then the soules of men : but patrons thinke such best , for there 's no feare they will speake any thing they loath to heare ; they may run foolishly to their owne damnation , without reproofe or any disturbation ; to let them see their vice they may bee bold , and yet not stand in doubt to be contol'd : those in their houses may keepe priuate schooles , and either serue for iesters or for fooles , and will suppose that they are highly grac't , be they but at their patrons table plac't : and there if they be cal'd but priests in scoffe , straight they duck down and al their caps come off , supposing it for to be done in kindnes , which shows their weaknes & apparant blindnes . moreouer 't is well knowne that former time held it to be a vild presumptuous crime ; such men in sacred offices to place , whom they knew toucht with any foule disgrace : or to allow those whom they did suspect , to haue an outward bodily defect : but be they now not only crooked , lame , dismembr'd , and of the vnshapeliest frame that euer nature form'd ; though they be blind , not in sight onely , but as well in mind , though they be such who if they come to shreeuin● might confess murder , whordom , slander , theeuing and all damb'd villany ; yet these men will be admitted to the sacred ministry : but most of vs do now disdaine that place , accounting it vnworthy , meane , and base ; yea like to ieroboams priests , we see , they of the lowest of the people he : and though we know , the israelites allow'd god the first-borne for his ; we are so proud , vnlesse they either do want shape or wit , or seeme for worldly busines vnfit : few thinke gods seruice worthy the bestowing their child about it ; or such duty owing vnto the same ; but rather that vocation they count a blemish to their reputation . but where 's your vnderstanding , oh you men ? turne from your bruitish dulnes once agen , honour gods messengers for why t is true , to them both reuere●ce and honour 's due ; think what they are and be not still selfe-minded , suffer not reason to be so much blinded ; if not for loue that you to iustice beare , yet follow her ( although it be ) for feare : and see that this presumption you amend , or looke some heauy plague shal be your end . then it is also a presumptuous act , with knowledge to commit a sinfull fact though ne're so small ; for sin 's a subtill else , that by degrees insinuates it selfe into our soules ; and in a little space , becomes too-huge a monster to displace ; yea , it is certaine that one sinne , though small , will make entrance great enough for all ; and what is 't but presumption to abuse , and without-feare and reuerence to vse gods sacred word ; yet we that christ professe , thinke it no fault , or that there 's no fault lesse : else sure we would not in our common talke , let our loose tongues so much at randome walke , we would not dare our iests of that to make , at vttering whereof the heauens shake ; for if god had reueal'd his gospel newes , to vs as heeretofore vnto the iewes he did the law ; who heard him to their wonder speaking through fearefull fiery flames and thunder , we would more dread in any euill fashon : to vse that sacred meanes of our suluation our cursed pagan vnbeleeuing foe , i meane the turke , more reuerence doth show in those his dam'nd erroneous rites then we in the true worship : for 't is knowne that he wil not so much as touch his alcharon , that doth containe his false religion with vnwasht handes ; nor till he hath o'rewent all that his vaine and confus'd rablement of ceremonies vs'd ; much lesse dares looke , on the contents of that vnhallowed booke ; but we in midst of all our villany , in our pot-conference and ribaldry , irreuerently can the same apply , as if 't were some of pasquils letany : but soft my muse in her perambulation hath hapt vpon an excomunication : and though that her commission she wanted yet she made bold to search wherefore 't was granted which if you would know too , why it may be , some were so pleas'd because they lack't a fee : for , had the officers bin wel contented , they say the matter might haue been preuented ▪ but you that haue the wisdomes to discerne when abuse is ; pray tel me , i would learne ; misuse we excommunication ? you know it is a separation from god ; and a most fearefull banishment , from the partaking of his sacrament and good mens fellowship ; a sad exile , ( perhaps for euer , at the least a while ) from the true church ; and ( oh most horrid euill ) a giuing of men ouer to the diuell . and therefore was ordain'd in better times , onely for such who in their hainous crimes with hardned obstinacy did persist , as may appeare : but now we at our list , as if the same but some slight matter were , for euery trifle to pronounce it dare ; and peraduenture to , on such as be , more honest far , and better much than we : but since my muse hath her endeauour done to note how men into this fault do run ; i will be bold to let you vnderstand , one strange presumption noted in our land worth the amending ; and indeed 't is this readers pray iudge how dangerous it is ; we seeing god hath now remooued far , from this our country his iust plague of war , and made vs through his mercy so much blest , vve do in spight of all our foes yet rest exempt from danger ; by vs it appeares , through the great blessing of these quiet yeares , we are so feare-lesse care-lesse and secure in this our happy peace and so cock-sure as if we did suppose or heard it sed , oul● mars were strangled or the diuel dead ; else can i not beleeue we would so lightly , esteeme our safely and let passe so slightly our former care of martiall discipline , for excercises meerely feminine : vve would not see our armes so soild in dust , nor our bright blades eat vp with cankred rust , as now they be ; our bowes they lye and rot , both musket and caliuer is forgot , and we lye open to all forraine dangers for want of discipline 't is knowne to strangers though weel 'e not see 't ; alas will not our pleasure , let vs be once in seauen yeares at leasure to take a muster and to giue instruction ? no rather pleasure will be our destruction ; for that first caus'd the law , that now preuents , and barres the vse of pouder-instruments to be enacted ; why ? for to preserue an idle game , the which i wish might sterue amids our plenty , so that with their curse , the land and people might be nothing worse , cause for that trifle to the realmes abuse , the hand-gun hath been so much out of vse scarce one in forty if to proofe it came , dares or knowes how for to discharge the same : oh valiant english we are like to hold the glory that our fathers had of old . but sure i think some vndermining hand , that studies for the ruine of the land , is cause of this , in hope thereby at length , to weaken ours and let in forraine strength ; what , do we think cause theirs a truce with spaine , that we are safe ? alas that thought is vaine , our dangers rather more ; for while they dar'd , to proffer wrong they found vs still prepar'd ; the profitable feare that we were in preuented danger that might else haue bin . but now the cause of former feare is gone , we haue not only let all care alone , but also are so drunken with delights , and drownd in pleasure that our dulled sprites are so o'reclog'd with luxury ; we droope , more fit for venus then for mars his troope ; that if our foes should now so ventrous be , for to inuade the lan● , vnlesse that wee , with speed amend this error , heere 's my mind , the way to worke our ruine thei 'le soone find ; for iust the troians last nights watch wee keepe , who then were buried all in ●ine and sleepe . we read when cato should a captaine chuse , for the panonian fight , he did refuse his kins-man publius , cause that from the war he often had return'd without a scar , and went perfum'd ; but if such faults as these , displeasd the censor , sure then in our dayes he scarcely would in towne or country find , a man with vs according to his mind , such is our daintinesse ; besides to strangers , ( as if there were no cause to doubt of dangers ) we do not only our great ritches show , ( a shrewd temptation to allure a foe : ) but we moreouer plainely do declare , by fond apparell , too superfluous fare , much idlenesse and other wanton parts , that we haue weake effeminated hearts ; which being knowne are sure a great perswasion , vnto our enemies to make inuasion . but we do say in god's our only trust , on him we do depend ; well so we must , and yet we ought not therefore to disdaine , the lawfull meanes by which he doth ordaine , to worke our safety then , for that 's a signe , we rather lou'd to tempt the powers deuine , then trust vnto them ; worthy brittaines then , leaue this presumption , once againe be men , not weake sardanapali ; leaue those toyes to idle women , wanton girles and boyes : vnto your foes i wish you could betake them , or vnto any so you would forsake them . let martialists that long haue beene disgrac't be lou'd againe and in our fauours plac't : count not them rogues ; but rather such as can so much degenerate themselues from man , in tire and gesture both , to womanize , goc call a parlament and there deuise an act to haue them whipt now ; oh 'twere good , a deed well worthy such a noble brood , meane while let 's trim our rusty armes and scoure , those long vn-vsed well-steeld blades of our : we shal not do the spiders any wrong , for they haue rent-free held their house-room long in morians , helmets , gauntlets , bandileres ; displace them thence , they haue had all their years : and giue it such a lustre that the light , may dimme the mooncshine in a winters night ; away with idle cithernes , lutes , and tabers , let knocks requite the fidlers for their labours , bring in the warlike drum , 't will musicke make ye , that from your drousie pleasures will awake yee : or else the hartning trumpet , that from farre , may sound vnto you all the points of warre : let dances turne to marches ; you ere long , may know what doth to rankes and files belong , and let your thundring shot so smoke and rore , stangers may tremble to behold the shoare , and know you sleep not ; but now to what end do you suppose that i these words do spend ? beleeue me i 'me not male content with peace . or do desire this happy time might cease , i would not haue you foule seditions make , or any vniust warres to vndertake ; but i desire you leaue those idle fashions , that haue beene the iust fall of many nations ; looke well vnto your selues and not suppose , cause there 's a league with spaine you haue no foes : for if vvarres euer make this land complaine , it wil be through some truce it had with spaine : but heere i bid you once againe beware , delay not time but with all speed prepare , repaire your forts againe , and manne them well , place better captaines in them ; i can tell some are growne couetous and there 's no trust to such as they ; that vice makes men vniust : they pocket vp the wages of their men , and one poore soldier serues alone for ten : look to the nauy-royall , wer 't wel scan'd , i doubt it will be found but simply man'd : the pursers study ( if some not belie them ) onely which way they may haue profit by them ; but see vnto it you to whom 't belongs , see the abuses done , redresse the wrongs : and oh ! renew the forces of this land , for there 's a fearefull bloudy day at hand , though not foreseene , a bloudy day for some , nor wil the same be long before it come . there is a tempest brewing in the so●th , a horrid vapor forc't from hell's owne mouth . 't is spread already far into the vvest , and now begins to gather to the east ; when 't is at full once it will straight come forth to shoure downe all it vengeance on the north : but feare not little ile thy cause is right , and if thou hast not cast all care off quite , nor art secure , why by that token then thou shalt driue back that threatning storme agen ▪ through cods assistance for to ruine those , by , and amongst whom , first of all it rose : but if that still thou carelesse snorting lye in thy presuming blind security , tak 't for a signe that now thy sinnes are ripe , and thou shalt surely feele the death-full stripe of that ensuing ill , vnto thy shame , and extirpation of thy former fame : but yet i hope this ouer-fight will end , and we shall this presumptuous fault amend : i hope i say and yet i hope no harmes , to see our english youth trick't vp in armes ; and so well train'd that all their foes shall heare no newes from them but horror , death , and feare ; yea and their march , like iehues king of iury , shal shew they come with vengeance speed & fury , i would we could as easily forsake , other presumptions , and that we could take but halfe the care and dilligence to arme our soules , in danger of a greater harme : would we the holy weapons could assume of christian war-fare , and not stil presume to leaue our better parts all open so , for the aduantage of the greater foe then rome or spaine : oh would wee could begin , to feele the danger of presumptuous sinne ! which soon would be , if we would once be brought for to consider with an equall thought , our base beginning and infirmity , our wauering and wondrous misery : and with this wretched poore estate of our , gods infinite and al-sufficient power : his iustice , with his hatred vnto ill , and threatnings if we disobey his will. or else remember he did still behold and see vs when we sin'd ; for who so bold , vnlesse depriu'd of grace then to offend ? but it should seeme we our endeauors bend to anger god , for we of sinne complaine , yet with our will sinne in his sight againe . say , wer 't not a presumption very great , if comming to a king one should intreat a pardon for some murther , and yet bring the bloudy blade with which he did that thing he would haue mercy for ? & whilst hee 's speaking , sheath it againe with bloud and gore yet reaking , in the kings sonne before his fathers face , and yet stil bide as if he hop't for grace : should we not thinke him mad ? sure yes ; yet we cannot that madnes in our owne selues see : for we dare come before th' almighty king to sue for pardon for our sinnes ; yet bring the selfe same bad mind still , conceiuing murther against his children to prouoke him further . and looke what ill is but in thought begun , with him 's all one as if the same were done , it is no maruaile that no humane law , can keepe our ouer-daring hearts in awe : since that we do so little dread the rod , of such a powerfull and so iust a god : and if in mans and gods owne sight we dare , so searelesse sinne without respect or care , it seemes that we do little conscience make what mischeifes by our selues we vndertake : or think it no presumption to commit , somthing alone in our owne sight vnfit ; oh grosle and ignorant ! why that 's the worst , of all presumptions the most accurst and fulst of danger . silly man take heed , do not before thy selfe an euill deed ; for when god wil forgiue and man forget , thy owne ill conscience will oppose and set her selfe against thee ; tell thee thine offending , and keep thee back from euer apprehending grace of forgiuenesse ; neither wil affoord the smallest comfort of the sacred word : but rather to thy sad remembrance call , each saying that may serue to prooue thy fall : and though that fire wondrous torture brings vnto the body , yet when conscience stings nor fire nor sword , nor hell it selfe can yeeld , aworser to ment ; god defend and shield me from the like ; and giue me grace to feare , so , that i may preserue my conscience cleare in all my actions : and then i shall be , in better case a thousand fold then he that vnto wealth and honour hath obtaind , with a craz'd conscience that is blurd and stain'd : alas how easie wert to climbe or mount to worldly reputation and account ? how soone could i if i had an intention for to contriue or plot a damn'd inuention get golden heapes ? yea and so priuily , that though t were done by craft and villany , i by the blinded world would yet be deem'd perhaps more honest ; but much more esteem'd then now i am ; but god forbid that i such base vaine trash and dunghil stuffe should buy at such a rate ; for there 's no iewell dearer , nor any losse a man can haue goe nearer then peace of conscience ; which for to be true , the ancient poets very wisely knew , and therefore fain'd their f●ries , with intent , for to declare the inward punishment of guilty mindes ; which sure they might do well , for there is in them diuels , yea and hell , with all her torture ; what else was the cause , nero who knew no god nor feared lawes , when he had kil'd his mother tooke no rest , but thought he saw her comming to molest and plague him for 't ? what made him to surmise he was still tortur'd in such hellish wise that furies did to his appearance scorch his liuing body with a burning torch ? wast not his conscience that had priuy beene vnto the fact ? was not the cause within his owne bad selfe ? if t were let 's to amending , of our presumptuous sinnes , aud bold offending , if neither in regard of god nor men , oh le ts for feare of our owne conscience then . yet there 's another thing which wert wel weighd our rash presumption would be som-what staid . the end of life ; with the ne're-ending paine , god for presumptuous sinners doth ordaine , could we note that , with deaths vncertaine times , and how it takes men acting of the crimes euen in the very nick of their offence , and beares them , ere they can repent them , hence , to such a place where nothing shall appeare , but all the gastly obiects of grimme feare : whereas each sense shall seuerally sustaine , the miserable smart of endlesse paine : the tender feeling shall in euery part , be subiect to th' intollerable smart of hellish flames , commixt with chilling cold , tortures beyond conceit , not to be told ; the dainty mouth , that had the curioust tast , and of the choysest cates still made repast , shall be fild vp , yea belly , throat and all , with filth more loath-some then the bitterest gall the once perfumed nostrill , there shall drinke , foule noysome smels : beside the sulpherous stinke of choaking flames ; and there the listning eare , fed with the sound of pleasing musicke heare , shall change it for the wofull screeching cry of damned soules , that in hels torture lye ; vvhose hydeous howlings can by no defence , be kept from percing that amazed sence : and then while they shal trembling thinke to flye from those amazements that do seeme so nigh , to there the feareful'st obiects of the sight , their quite despairing mindes shall more affright , for garish formes of foule mishapen fiendes , and vgly bugs for euermore attends , to thwhart each looke . but if this do not make , thy ouer hardened heart ( oh man ) to quake : if this relation be too weake to win , or to reclaime thee from thy wonted sinne ; reader , if this do no impression leaue , so that thou canst not any feare conceiue through this description ; thinke vpon t at night soone in thy bed when earth 's depriu'd of light i say at mid-night when thou wak'st from sleepe , and lonely darknesse doth in silence keep the grim-fac't night . and but immagine then , thou wert borne all alone to some darke den and there set naked ; though thou felts no paine , yet seeing no way to get out againe , if thou shouldst in that naked loneness heare , some yelling voyce , or some strange noyse drawne●● vvith threatning ; or but calling on thy name ; oh with what patience couldst thou bide the sam● but if withall , thy wandring eyes should marke , and now and then see pearing through the dar● some monstrous visages , or vgly faces vvhich shold make proffer of some rude embr●●● and smetime seeme as if they would begin vvith griping pawes to ceize thy trembling ski● or , but suppose that in thy chamber there , where cannot be the hundreth part of feare : ( because to thee the place well knowne will be and thou must haue wherewith to couer thee ) yet there i say suppose thou shouldst behold nor such grim obiects as are heere foretold , but onely heare the dolefull voyce of men complaining in the darke ; and now and then behold the ghastly shape of friends long dead , wrapt in their sheetes as they were buried , or else from out thy chamber floore to rise a troupe of bony , pickt anatomies come pointing to thee , as if thou wert he that must ere long their bare companion be : then thou wouldst feare i know , and think on him whose might & fearful power thou didst contemn thou wouldst consider better of the feare , and hellish horror i haue mention'd heare . that dungeons estate thou would'st conceiue , and somewhat thy presumptuous actions leaue ; thou wouldst not so cast all thy care behind thee , but watch thy self for feare least death shold finde thee , doing some il ; nor wouldst thou thus delay , times of repentance still from day to day : but oh ! show should i hope that this i plead , will worke in them that shall but barely read what i haue writ ? since i my selfe that know , and haue some inward seeling of that woe for get my selfe ; i thought when i shall be from such , and such like cares and troubles free , then wil i all my vanities forsake , a better course of life i le vndertake , and only seeke the glory of his name by whom i liue ; that day ere long time came ; then i had other lets ; but if that they , as i did seeke they might were once away , i would indeed my duty better doe : well , so it pleas'd god i orepast them too ; yet somthing hindred still that i could neuer in my intended christian course perseuer . but euer found vnto my griefe and sorrow , that i was bad to day and worse to morrow : but oh ! thou god that knowst my hearts desire , do not ; oh do not at my handes require my youthfull sinnes ; though that my flesh be fraile , and my affections often do preuaile : seeing thou knowest the weake estate of man , and what a little his small power can ; accept my will , and let thy blood suffice , to quit the rest of mine iniquities , but now , because i haue obseru'd such store , i needs must tell a few presumptions more . some in contemning others wisdome , show , that they presume themselues do all things , kno● but that vile selfe-conceit nere raised any , certaine i am it is the fall of many : others ( and they in this kind too offend , ) on their owne memories too much depend : such i haue heard so confidently speake , as if they had no thought that men were wea● yea those though twenty men haue all gaine-said what they affirmed , were not yet affraid , their owne bare affirmation to out-face , with sundry oathes : such wondrous trust they place in their remembrance ; yea my selfe ere now haue beene oft-times more rash for to anow what i thought truth ; then ere i le be againe : for what i deemd to be so sure and plaine , that i not onely stood in 't to my might , but would haue paun'd my life ' thad been the right that to my shame , i haue my selfe alone , found to be false when all the rest were gone . vvhich greeu'd me so that i le nere more rely or trust so much to mine owne memory . but what may i terme those , who for a name , or for to get some vile prepostrous fame ; vvill desperately for the nonce begin , to put in action some vngodly sinne that all men loath ; and only as they say , for to be talkt of . vvhat are such i pray ? presumptuous , vaine , or weake , or all that 's bad , the last i thinke and ten-times more then mad ; yet we haue gallants , and great store of such , that in their great brauadoes care not much vvhat villanies they doe ; but 't is their humor , only to fill mens mouthes with idle rumor . and cause they know the vulgar sort do deeme them , youths of great spirit , and do much esteeme them , but amongst wise-men they are sure to gaine . reprochfull shame and wel deseru'd disdaine , yet for to adde some fame vnto this story : we will be queath them erostratus glory . nor haue our old men left that humor yet , for though through feeblenesse they are vnfit to put in practise their old tricks againe , yet for to show they like them , and would faine , thei 'le often with a lie or two recite them , and the rememberance doth so much delight them that whereas they ought rather to repent , and with a grieued heart for to lament their former follie ; they with ioy and laughter seeme to approu't in those that shall come after . yet there 's a crew the which my muse wel knows , to them she here a memorandum owes and yet no commendations , for they are but busie fellowes that doe boldly dare take on them in their comments , for to finde the secret meaning of each authors minde . and to apply that in particular that should extend to all in generall : and in this little booke perhaps they can , say here i ment one , there another man ; and by their names they wil not stick to shew them , when as perhaps i nere so much as knew them . so from my honest meaning they will reare them a slander for some priuat grudge they beare them but though these are so bold , yet i beleeue , or hope at least ▪ no men of wisedome giue credit to any such interpretations , that are but false imaginations ; since each of these what stile soere he craue , doth show him a presumptuous foole and knaue , but heare all you that are quite voyd of care , vvhat you presume in : chiefly you that dare , maugre gods threates , go foreward to fulfill , your naughty , rash , vnbridled hare-braine will ; as if you thought that you your selues made all , and that indeed there were no god at al. know this , ere long time it shall come to passe , that you shall houling sit and cry , alas : cursing your births and miserable state , vvith sad repentance when it is too late , vnlesse you now take time . oh wormes ! oh men ! forsake your sollies , oh forsake them then , vvhat wil you do else when that seiz'd by death , ready to draw the latest gaspe of breath : vvhen as you are so weak that you would faine , but cannot mooue your tongues for to complaine ? vvhat would you do if then their should appeare the authors of most miserable feare , your guilty consciences , and there vnroll to your remembrances the dreadfull scroll , of your presumptions , and with all present , ● vision of th ' infernall punishment , ●repar'd for such ? and if in that bad case , you should behold him you esteemd so base ●t with such power , that at each frown he makes ●he earth doth tremble and the heauen shakes : vvhat would you doe ? oh any thing i 'me sure , ●o paine there is but you would then endure to scape his wrath if you do not dispaire , then wil you beg , entreat , and promise faire ; or any thing , if so it were you might returne to life againe ; then you would quite alter your doings , then forsooth you 'l be a patterne vnto all posterity . you would be humble , meeke , deuout and chaste but now there 's time , and then it may be past : yet i my selfe haue heard those that haue vow'd , much in their anguish , and god hath allow'd a longer time , yea hath vouchsaft to saue and giue them life againe e'ne at the graue : and yet haue these forgot their former paine and turnd vnto their owne ill wayes againe : which hauing seene , this for vs men i 'le speake , not without griefe ; though nothing be so weake : yet we are in our owne conceits so tall , that for presumption we do out-passe all : and if so be that this same hardning sinne do seaze vpon the heart once and get in ; my mind is this 't will nere be purg'd thence well , no not with all the feares and pangs of hell. epilogvs . so in some measure i haue now made knowne . what foule abuses time to me hath showne and what man is : i haue explain'd some crimes that i haue noted in these present times . then though i haue beene stil accounted idle , this showes i haue not giuen time the bridle to run away vnmannag'd ; but did vse it then best , when i seem'd most for to abuse it ? here sinfull man thou maist behold in part thy miserable state and what thou art : thy passions , thy vanities heere see , in part i say for all there cannot be : thy wauerings and thy frailties i 'ue explain'd , with thy presumption , yet nothing fain'd ; if thou hast read it , then i hope thou know'st , though thou seem'st bad , thou art worse then thou show'st and i do trust thy wretchednesse espide , will quell thy most intollerable pride ; i mus'd a while thou wert so prone to sinning , but 't was thy fault i see from the beginning : and as the lord himselfe once said , so stil , t' immaginations of thy heart are ill : that 's one maine cause ; then to performe an euill , thou hast the pronenesse of the flesh , the diuell , with bad examples of his instigation , besides the worldes rash approbation : but yet would i not haue thee think , oh man ! that i with tymon the athenian desire to make thee so much feele thy woe , to goe and hang thy selfe ; i meane not so , or for to driue thee thereby to dispaire , 't is not my purpose , my intent's more faire : this i would haue thee doe , since flesh is fraile , and sathan will be busie to preuaile : with heed and care watch ouer thy affection , and in thy doings follow this direction . first see if 't be thy flesh that mooues thee to those thinges the which thou art about to doe , next to consider well it doth behooue thee , what kind of men they are that do approoue thee : for true it is as i haue oft beene taught , what flesh desires , and most approoues is naught . and since they thrust thee forward vnto euill , thou hast an ill heart , proud flesh , and the diuill with bad example . learne oh man to season , thy hart with sacred , thoughts , with truth & reason thy flesh with labour ; and with fasting tame and t wil not be so subiect vnto blame ; preuent the diuels baits and his temptations , with earnest prayers and good meditations , and see thou heed to thy companions giu'st , since thou wilt be as these with whom thou liu'st ; yea since thou art so subiect vnto sinne , shun all occasions that may draw thee in , so when thy god shall see thou hast a will , and true desire for to amend what 's ill , he will accept it for his sonnes deare sake , and thee more willing , and more able make ; yea should thy sinnes more red then scarlet grow , yet he would make them whiter then the snow . thy now blacke soule , were it thrice more defilde , as innocent as is the new borne child : and thy most miserable body , farre more glorious then is the brightest starre : but if thou , without care or heed , dost leane vnto those lusts of flesh that are vncleane ; if thou take pleasure and delight to doe them , quite giuing ouer thy desire vnto them , they both in soule and body toe , will make thee so fowle a leaper that god will forsake thee ; his holy angels and his saints abhor thee , and onely diuels make entreaty for thee ; yea thou must in gehynnon waile with them , that are excluded new ierusalem . the end of the second booke . the scovrge . my muse i purpos'd to haue rested heere , and so she should indeed , but that i feare a gentle warning wil not now suffice to make men leaue off their iniquities : yea , i do know their negligence so great , t is not enough for to perswade or threat : and therefore i me resolued ere i part , to giue them a remembrance to their smart , and though full loath , cause their ill natures vrge i le send abroad a satir with a scourge , that to their shame for this abuse shall strip them , and being naked in their vices , whip them : and to be sure of these that are most rash , not one shall scape him that deserues a lash , but some will kick , now let them kick & spare not , so he may come and ierk them well i care not ; for be they rich , or poore , or weake , or strong , i le make him finde them that delight in wrong , not in despight , to make reuengefull rumors ; rather in sport to mock the worlds base humors ; but least i make my prologue ouer-large , ' i le let my whipping-satyr know his charge : first though he haue but little manners got ; bred in the woods ; where many vse them not : yet will i send him to suruey the court , and dance the witch to make his king some sport . doe satyr , goe , thou shalt not be disdain'd , loue without merit hath bin entertain'd , and so many thine ; that progenies the most , yea all indeed of which the world can boast , and that so worthy : ( 't is a wondrous matter ) commend it how thou wilt thou canst not flatter . if thou maist get their fauour that 's the best , there is no cause why thou should'st feare the rest the good will help but neuer hurt , then care not , although the wicked would offend they dare not . first lash the great ones , but if thou be wise , in generall and doe not speciallize : yet if thou do , so wisely let it be , none may except but those that faulty be . now peraduenture some will rage or storme , but that 's no matter thou art freely borne ; and though their eies spark fire , and they look big be thou as sterne , thou need'st not care a fig ; and tell them plainely ' t is not all their shew , can make them think them better thē they know ; 't is not great words , nor yet a large possession , shall free them from the scandall of oppression , thogh they can now , to get themselues a name , build babell vp a new , and quickly frame such loftie pallaces as if they ment , to threaten heauen from the batlement . who wonders at it ? none i thinke ; and why ? who is so mad to tel them that , not i ? yet satyr looke that thou before thou part , giue them one ierke to make their honors smart , their stately houses say are things but vaine : an age or two shall rot them downe againe ; and for their vice if there be none dare show it , say i haue vow'd to make the world to know it , then t is not toombes nor yet a heape of stones , shall make men thinke the better of their bones , no , it shall speake their auarice and pride , which those they scorn'd and wrong'd , shall then deride . so let them go their soueraigne to attend , and those that be not at the best , amend : search on for more ; but if thou hap to finde any among them of the female kinde , vvomen or angels , bad or good ; thine eyes shall not looke toward their infirmities . vvhat ere some say , no man will , or can , vvrong him ( i le warrant ) that 's an honest man , for they are good and surely would be still , vver 't not that men did often make them ill : those that are angry with them let them show it , i le say th' are vertuous for because i know it . mens faults i tell , so may he womens too that 's plagu'd by whores , with whom he had to doe . these if thou hap to see , i charge thee skip , and search in euery office with thy whip ; there , there are those that for their priuate store make both th' exchequer & the commons poore , extortion doth maintaine their brauery , yet lay not open all their knauery , but tell them they a new account must bring , that lash perhaps their guilty soule will sting . thou shalt in court another troope espy , such as in show are full of honesty , faire tong'd ; but he that such fine followers wants is happy ; for they are but sycophants , dissembling ▪ villaines : do but note them well , and thou wilt say they are the brood of hell . for pluck away their fain'd fidelity , and they are e'ne a heap of villany : to make them smart these wordes to them commend that beggery and shame shall be their end . yet thou shalt find depending on the court some that wil ieast to make their betters sport , but sift them , i durst pawne a brace of testers , if truth were known they are more fooles then iesters and so they are suppos'd , although indeed , they are more knaues then fooles ; but take thou heed come not within the compasse of their bable , then call them knaues as lowd as thou art able ; if thou come thither at some publike show , as there thou shalt be whether they will or no , remember that thou make a shift to creepe neere to the place where they the re●els keep . there stand a while vnseene , and do no more , but note those fellowes that do keep the doore , if thou perceiue some , as some will do then , keep out a many worthy gentlemen , and let a laundresse or a scoundrel passe , giue him a ierk and tell him hee 's an asse ; but least thou spy what may make thee asham'd , or speake of that for which thou maist be blam'd , leaue thou the court if thy owne ease thou pitty , and come a while to walke about the citty ▪ as soone as there thou ent'rest thou shalt meet great store of gallants pacing out the street : a part from dice , or fence , or dancing come , and peraduenture from a whore-house some , those are goodfellowes that will frankly spend , while land will last or any man wil lend ; and yet to see ( more fooles the world had neuer ) they are so proud as if 't t would last for euer , and though these lightly cannot haue a worse , or deadlier sicknes then an empty purse which wil ensue , yet tell them they must meete at the kinges-bench , the counter , or the fleet , then step vnto the lawyers , peraduentnre they 'l by some vvrit command thee not to enter : yet feare them not but looke and thou shalt spye , vnder their gownes a messe of knauery . pluck off their mask of law that clokes their drifts , and thou shalt see a world of lawlesse shir●s ; but tell them there 's a iudge wil not be feed , and that perhaps wil make their conscience bleed ; then tell the scriueners as thou passest by : that they were best to leaue their forgery , or else , why is 't their eares do scape so well , the diuell meanes to beare them whole to hell ▪ tell the phisitions if thou meet with any , their potions & their drugs haue murther'd many for which thou would'st haue lasht , but dost delay them because the diuel means himselfe to pay thē ; but if thei 'l proue conclusions , bid them then , try't on themselues and not on other men : desire the brokers that they would not yaune , after the forfeit of anothers pawne , it is their right by law thei le say , t is true , and so 's their soule , perhaps , anothers due ; but sting them if their conscience quite be fled , then shall they pay what they haue forfeited : entreat the tailor next , if that he can , to leaue his theft and proue an honest man ; if that he think the matter be too hard , knock him about the noddle with his yard , if he bee ritch and take the same in snuffe , tell him his substance is but stolen stuffe and that the iay would hardly brook the weather , if eu'ry bird should take away her feather . so hauing whipt him , let the priest go shrieue him , and if he haue authority forgiue him : go warn the crafts man that he do not lurke all day at ale-house , and neglect his worke , and then suruey the ware of euery trade , for much , i tell thee , is deceitfull made , which if thou find i charge thee do not friend it , but call him knaue , and bid him go and mend it , oh see if thou the marchant-man canst find , for hee le be gone at turning of the wind , bid him keep touch , or tell his worship how his heart wil tremble when the seas are tough , desire him to , if he doe trauaile thither , where conscience is , that he would bring some hither , here 's little ; some wil haue it ; if none will , he shall gaine by it though he keepe it still ; if he bring none , 't were charitie , i thinke , to pray some storme might make his vessell sinke ; looke in their ships , for i haue knowne deceit hath bin in both the owner and the fraight , yea note them well , & thou shalt finde their bookes are ginns for wood-cocks made like tenter-hooks : well they are ritch , the marchant wealth obtaines and cares not how , so he encrease his gaines ; yet least his wealth may hap to make him proud , satyr i pray thee , tell him this aloude to make him smart , that whilst he like a mome , playes fast abroad , his wife pla●es loose at home ; nor shall his ill-got masse of wealth hould out but he or his become a banquerout : now to thy rest , t is night ; but here approaches a troupe with torches hurried in their coaches , stay and behold , what are they ? i can tell , some bound for shoreditch , or for clarken-well : oh these are they which thinke that fornication , is but a youthfull sportfull recreation : these to hold out the game , maintaine the back vvith marrow pies , potato-rootes and sack : and when that nature hath consum'd her part , can hould out a luxurious course by art : goe stop the horses quickly least thou misse and tel the coachmans wanton carriage this , they of their guide must be aduised well , for they are running downe the hill to hell . their venery will soone consume their stocks , and bring them to repentance with a poxe . so other crimes committed without light , let such reueale as see like owles by night : for many men a secret fault can finde , but in apparant rougeries are blind or else they will not see ; but thou wertst best leaue whipping and betake thee to thy rest ; if in an inne it be , before thou sup , will that the tapster call his maister vp and bid him kindly , since he giues thee lodging , to vse plaine dealing and detest all dodging . dissembling's naught , hard rekonings they ar wors● light gaines ( they say ) will make a heauy purse . and let them not ( this fault is very rife ) make any guest familiar with his wife . for many men ( they weare but what they should ) do make their wiues more wantō then they would . thereby they gaine , their innes are wel frequented but such ill courses are too late repented ; so schoole him well and do thy whip refraine , and send him to his other guests againe . then thou shalt see the nimble tapster flie , still yalling , here , anon sir , by and by , so dilligent , till thou thy selfe acquaint with his ●ly tricks thou 'lt ●'take him for a saint . but i suppose that they haue tane an oth , neuer to ●●ll a pot but halfe with froth ; and there 's an old shift if they leaue it not , there must be something added to the shot . but wilt thou swagger with him for it ? no , but take him as he is and let him goe , now for most hostlers if thou hap to try them . knaues thou maist say they are and not belie them , for they deceaue the poore dumb traueling beast , and for the same deseru'd a ierke at least ; yet do thou spare them , for there is no doubt , some guest will finde a time to pay the lout . well , hauing rested and discharg'd thine host , i le send thee downe , into the country , post ; for i haue bus'nes , no man would beleiue , with whom d'ye thinke ? e'ne with the vnder-shreeue tell him thou heardst ( and that 's a fault indeed ) that in some causes he is double-feed . and that moreouer he deserues a portion , with those that are indited for extortion . yea and for other things as well as that , tell him the country tearmes him he knowes what ▪ a● which if he make light as if he care not , whip him in conscience soundly for 't , and spare not now for our knights ; their much formality , hath made them leaue their hospitality , yet , le●t they should be angry say no more , this age hath made a number of them poore ; and that some toe ( or else they are belied ) haue begger'd their posteritie with pride , and since thou art so neere them doe not cease vntill thou see our iustices of peace , there try if thou canst get but so much fauour , to bind the country to the good behauiour , and tell them how thou hast informed been , that they haue granted warrants vpon spleene ; are partiall , and haue ouer-sway'd by might the poore mans cause that 's innocent and right : if this thou finde be true , thou hast permission ; to lash , or put them out of the commission ; the cunstable if he were bid , i wiss , be good in 's office , 't were not much amiss : for he , they say , a many meanes may haue , if so he be dispos'd to play the knaue ; see how he deales and makes thy message known , for he hath stocks and whipping-posts of 's owne : there are church-wardens to , i shame to see how they runne into wilfull periurie , partlie in fauour and in part for feare , they wink 't at much disorder in a yeare ; but if thou hap to take them in the lurch , ierke them as euill members of the church ; if they reply , offenders are so friended though they present , 't is little thing amended , yet tell them 't is their duty to discharge , their consciences in euery thing at large ; vvhich if they doe , ill doers shall be sham'd or the corrupted visitors be blam'd and prethee tell the b. chancellor , that thou art sent to be his counsellor : and will him if he meane not to be stript , and like a schoole boy once againe be whipt , his worship would not so bad minded be , to peruert iudgement for a scuruy fee. then next go tell the reuerent good maisters , thou and the clergy needs must fall at wasters : faith thou shalt find their doctorships perhaps , disputing of their surplesses and caps , about the holy crosse , and gowne , a hood , or some such matters for the churches good , but tell them there are other thinges to doe , a great deale fitter to be lookt into . and if they please to go their visitation , there 's waightier matters looke for reformation , yea say there 's many an infirmity , which they both may and ought to remedy . but touch them with remembrance of their place , and they perhaps will alter then the case , then bid those dunces in our colledges , that they prouide them good apologies : for 't is reported lately they haue borh , betooke themselues to venery and sloth , and seek not learning only as they should , but are back friends to many a man that would 't were fit they made a publike recantation , and were wel whipt before a congregation . sole auing them their wits for to refine , thou shalt be bold to looke on the diuine ; they say , hee 's growne more carefull of his stock , his profits and his tithes then of his flock : now if thou find report hath not belied him , with a respect vnto his calling chide him , i had almost forgot our ciuill doctors ; i pray thee warne them and their lazy proctors , they would not vse to make so many pauses , before they do determine poore mens causes , and let them not suppose their fees are small , since they at last wil get the diuell and all , there be court barrons many in the way , thus maist thou to the guardians of them say , their policy in raising fines and rents , hath put poore men beside their tenements : and tel them , let them answer if they can , their false court-roles hath vndone many a man ; say thou hast seene what to their place belong'd and knowst , ofttimes both lord & tenāts wrong'd yet spare thy whip ; for why ? the peoples curse , already hath prepared them a worse , so when that thou hast punisht vices slaues , and roundly ierk't the country petty-knaues , then march we to the camp to bloody nero and tel the ruftling shuffling caualero ; he whose hard-heart can brooke to rob or spill , his friend or foe , to ruine , wound or kil , tel him , i say , there is a misery must follow to reuenge his cruelty ; and see that thou the ruffaines courage quaile , or lash him till the stock and whipcord faile ; walke but the round , and thou maist hap to catch , the carelesse souldiers sleeping in their watch , or in a march perhaps thei le goe astray , but if thou see them in their best aray , and without leaue and warrant roming out , to fetch some desperate booty there about , remember them ; and for their stout brauado's , let them be wel prefer'd with bastinadoes , then bid the captaines in their garisons , not lay to paune their rich caparisons , nor come vppon the score til they are forc't , to be disarmd for payment , or vnhors't , nor keepe the soldiers hire , least they be faine , to make an insurrection or complaine , for that indeed prooues oftentimes the cause , they do so much transgresse the martiall lawes ; yea tel him 't is a scandall to be drunke and drowne their valour , or maintaine a punk ; then if he mend not for to blot his fame , in steed of honor whip him for 't with shame , then lastly there are selfe-conceited wits , whose stomacks nought but their own humor fits , detractors , critticks ; who en'e at the best , do bite with enuy or else snarle at least , and in thy progresse if discern'd thou be , 't is out of question they wil snap at thee , to spight them then the waie 's not to out-brawle them , but say thou car'st not , & that lash wil gaule them : now satyr leaue me to my selfe alone , thou hast thy message and thou maist be gone , whip any that shall offer to withstand thee , in executing that which i command thee ; and yet so , ho , ho , ho , come back againe , be sure that thou do vnderstand me plaine : first note ; i from my scourge do here except , the guard by whom the kingdomes peace is kept the vertuous peeres : alas ! i nothing grutch them , and on my blessiing see thou do not touch them : and if in all our offices there 's any ; that is an honest man amongst so many ; him did i euer meane that thou shouldst spare , because i know that such a one is rare ; physick and law i honor both ( god blesse it ) with euery vertuous man that doth professe it , i do not ayme at such as they , nor when i flout our gallants , meane i gentlemen , such worthy brittaines as maintained be , according to their fashion and degree : no , those i loue ; and what can i lesse doe , since i of them am wel-beloued to ; to blame all marchants neuer was my will , nor do i think all trades-mens work is ill ; my meaning must not so be vnderstood , for the last shooes i had were very good ; yea and so farre am i from such a thought , thou shouldst against the vertuous doe ought , that if thou but an honest tapster see , tell him i wish we might acquainted be ; and i 'le that hostler loue which in amends , will vse my horse wel , that we may be friends ; and to be breefe good satyr vnderstand that thou maist not mistake what i command : 't is not my meaning neither do i like , that thou at this time shouldst in speciall strike , because my hatred might appeare as then , not to the vice , but rather to the men ; vvhich is not so , for though some malice me vvith eu'ry one am i in charitie ; and if that thou doe euer come to sight , and bring thy yet concealed charge to light ▪ i wish it might be tooke as 't was intended : and then no vertuous man wil be offended : but if that any man doe thinke amiss , vpon my life that partie guiltie is ; and therefore lash him , so get thee out of dore come what come will , i 'le call thee back no more : so , now he 's gone the way that i direct him , i wonder how the world will now respect him , if that she maruaile why he was not bolder , perhaps he may be when that he is older ; he hath too smooth a chin , a looke too mild , a token that he is not wholly wild ; but may i reach the yeares of other men , if that this loose world be not mended then , i le send a satyr rougher then a beare that shal not chide and whip , but scartch & teare . and so i 'le teach him he shall be too strong , for all your paris-garden dogs to wrong . this satyr hath a scourge , ( but it wants weight , your spanish whips were worse in eighty-eight , ) that shall not onely make them howle for paine , but touse them , till they hold their peace againe : now if the world , frowne vpon me for 't , shall i be sorie ? no , 't wil mend my sport ; but what if i my self should hap to stray , out of my bounds into my satyrs way ? why then ; and that 's as much as i need doe , i giue him leaue to come and lash me toe . so now my muse a resting time requires , for shee 's or ' wearied and her spirit tires . 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 finis . certaine epigrammes to the kings most excellent maiestie , the queene , the prince , the princesse , and other noble and honorable personages , and friends to whom the author gaue any of his bookes . to the kings maiestie . epigram . . loe here ●read sou'raign and great brittans king first to thy view i haue presum'd to bring , these my essaies ; on which but ge●ly looke , i do not make thee patron of m● booke : for 't is not sit ●ur faiths-desender ( still ) take the protection of each trifling quill ; no ; yet because thy wisdome able is , of all things to make vse ; i g●ue thee this : the picture of a beast in humane shape , 't is neither monkey , nor baboone , nor ape , though neere conditioned ; i haue not sought it brought it in affrick deserts ; neither haue i out of ignota terra : those wild lands , beyond the farthest magalanick strands yeeld not the like ; the fiend liues in this il and i mu●'d that you spied not all this while that man-like monster . but ( alas ) i saw , the looke of maiestie kept him in awe ; he wil not , for he dares not before thee shew what ( indeed ) he vses for to be ; but in thy presence he is meeke , demure , deuout , chast , honest , innocent , and pure : seeming an angell , free from thought of ill , and therefore thou must needs so thinke him stil. but for because thy soueraigne place denies , the sight of what is view'd by meaner eyes : this i haue brought thee , with much care and paine , 't was like to haue bin forced backe again : so loath the world was , that thou should'st view , the portrature that i haue drawne so true ; yea yet , ( i feare ) she findes her selfe so gal'd , that some wil study how to haue 't recal'd ; but t is too late ; for now my muse doth trust , when thou hast seen 't thou wilt approoue what 's iust . and if i may but once perceiue , or heare , that this sounds pleasing in thy kingly eare , i le make my muse for to describe him fuller , and paint him forth in a more liuely cullour : yea i wil to the worlds great shame vnfold , that which is knowne , but neuer yet was told ; meane while great king a happy monar●h raigne , in spight of rome , the diuel , hel , and spaine . another to his maiesty . epigr. . as he that feedes on no worse meat then quailes , and with choice dainties pleaseth appetite : wil neuer haue great list to gnaw his nailes , or in a course thin diet take delight , so thou great king that still dost ouerlooke , the learned workes , that are most deepe , most rare ▪ canst not perhaps these my rude satyrs brooke : thou dost not for such sharp fang'd critticks care : oh do not yet thy selfe so much estrange , from wonted curtesie to others showne , a country dish doth often serue for change , and something heere is worthy to be knowne . sharpe sauce giues sweetest meat a better tast ; and though that this to many bitter be , thou no such sicknes in thy stomack hast , and therefore 't will be pleasing vnto thee : vvhat though i neither flater , fawne , nor sooth , my honest plainenesse shall more truely praise thee , then those that in court language filed smooth , striue vnbeleeuing tropheis for to raise thee , my loyall heart cannot so well impart , the loue it beares your maiesty as other●s : the want of time , encouragement and art , my purpose in the embrio still smothers . obscurity , grosse-fates , and want of meanes , would haue made romes great maro harshly sing ▪ but if once caesar to his musique leanes , his tunes through all the world will sweetly ring ▪ and why are english wits so perfect growne ? but for because thy kingly hand peruses , their wel tun'd poems ; and hath bounty showne , yea it is thou giust light vnto their muses . oh! had i such a star for pole to mine , i 'de reach a straine should rauish all the nine . to the queenes maiesty epigr. . daughter , wife , sister , ' mother to ' in posse . a king ▪ and empresse of the north , enrich your name ; yet do you chastity and wisedome bring , bounty , and curtesie to make vp true fame . vvhich ●ince ( faire queen ) my muse hath vnderstood , she 's bold into your presence to intrude , assured , honest meanings that are good , shall find acceptance there , though they seeme rud● , looke and hehold the vanities of men , their misery , their weaknesse , and their pride , daigne to suruey this booke ( i say ) and then , vvhen you haue each particular espi'de : thinke with your selfe , how highly blest you be , for to enioy a prince that both knowes how , to keepe himselfe , from such fell passion free , and make so many mad-wild creatures bow , indeed here 's vices tablet plainely made , not veiled ouer , or obscurely drawne ; t is in a colour which shall neuer fade , that men may blush , on such a hag to fawne ▪ but if your grace will fauour what i sing , though vertue be in durance i le erpreeue her that now despised nimph to honour bring , set al her hidden beauties forth ; and giue her so sweet a looke , and such a deft attire , men shal grow loue-sick and burne with desire . to charles prince of wales . epig . . see here faire of-spring of the royall stem , what all the world almost is subiect to ; behold it so , thou truely maist contemne , and from thy heart abhorre what others doe , now is the fit and only time to season , that young , rare-vnderstanding breast of thine vvith sacred precepts , good aduise , and reason ; but there 's no doubt thou wilt to good incline , inheritance , great prince , will make it thine : and were mans nature , yet more prone to fall , soe to be borne , and so taught , helpes all . to the princesse . epig . . sweet princesse ; though my muse sings not the glories , of faire aduenterous knights or ladies loues : though here be no encomiastick stor●es , that tender hearts , or gentle spirits moues , yet in an honest homelie rustick straine , she shews the creature ( such may you nere know ) forgiue her though she be seuere , or plaine , truth that may warrant it commanded so . yea view it ouer with beleefe ; but than , i am afraid you will abhor a man. and yet you need not ; all deserue not blame , for that great prince that wooes for to be yours if that his worth but equalize his fame , is free from any sat●r here of ours . nay they shall praise him ; for though they haue whips to make the wicked their offences rue , and dare to scourge the greatest when he trips , vertue shall still be certaine of her due . but for your sake ; ( if that you entertaine him , ) oh would he were ( a man ) as i could faine him yet sweet elizabeth : that happy name , if we lost nothing else by loosing thee ; so deare to eng●and is , we are to blame if without teares and sighes we parted be ; but if thou must make blest another clime ; remember our ; and for that ; though i vse , a crabbed subiect and a churlish rime , daine but to be the mistris of my muse ; and i le change theames , and in a lofty stile , keepe thee aliue for euer , in this i le . to the lords of his maiesties most honorable priuy counsell . epigr. . most honor'd lords ; i heere present this book , to your graue censures , not to shew my art : nere did you on so rude a matter looke , yet t is the token of an honest heart , i did it not to please , nor flatter any , nor haue i made it for the thirst of gaine : for i am sure it wil not humor many , and i expect much hatred for my paine . here somthing you may see that now requires , your care and prouidence to haue 't amended : that 's the maine poynt to which my muse aspires , and whereto i haue all my labour tended : it may be there be some out of their hate , will mis-interpret what is plainely ment ; or tax me as too saucy with the state , in hope to make me for the truth be ●hent , yet know great lords , i do acknowledge heere , it is your wisdomes that next god maintaines , this kingdomes good ; and from my heart i beare● a reuerent respect vnto your paines . i do not , as such faine would haue it seeme , presume to teach your wisedomes what is best , i do not my owne knowledge so esteeme , vile selfe conceit i from my heart detest . but for because i know the percing'st eye , can neuer into all abuses see ; and since the greatest in authority , may not behold some-time so much as we : what therefore i haue thought to be amisse and worth amending i haue told it heere : i know your honors wil be pleas'd in this , though some ( it may be ) cannot rage forbeare . but if there 's any take this writing badly , had it told all , it would haue vext him madly . to henry earle of south-hampton . epigr. south-hampton ; since thy prouince brought me forth● and on those pleasant mountaines i yet keepe ●ought to be no stranger to thy worth , nor let thy vertues in obliuion sleepe . nor wil i ; if my fortunes giue me time : meane while read this , and see what others be ; ●f thou canst lik 't , and wil but grace my r●me , ●wil so blaze thy hampshire springs and thee , thy arle , test , stowre , and auon shal share fame , either with humber , seuerne , trent or thame . to william earle of penbrooke . epig . . thou whom respect of kin makes not vniust , true noble spirit free from hate or guile ; ●hou whom thy prince hath for thy care and trust , ●●ac't for to keepe the entrance of this i le , ●e heere th' abuses of these wicked times , ●haue expos'd them open to thy view : ●hy iudgement is not blinded with like crimes , 〈◊〉 therefore maist perceiue that all is true . ●take't , though i seeme a stranger , yet i know thee ; ●nd for thy vertues penbrooke , this i owe thee . to the lord lisle , lord chamberlaine to the queene . epigram . . being a sidney and so neere allied , to him whose matchlesse rare immortall pen procur'd of fame to haue him deifide , and liue for euer in the hearts of men : the loue my soule hath euer borne that name , would certainely perswade me for your sake ; in honest seruice to aduenture blame , or any open dangers vndertake , yet shall not that your titles , nor your place , your honours , nor your might , nor all you haue , cause me to flatter for reward or grace ▪ fortune shall neuer make my mind a slaue , but seeing that your vertue shines apparant , and honorable acts do speake your praise : since good report hath giuen forth her warrant , which none so much as by himselfe gaine-saies , that ( and naught else but that ) compels my muse , to sing your worth and to present her owne , if this imperfect issue you 'le peruse , i le make her in a better forne be knowne , and teach her , that is now so rude and plaine , to soare a pitch aboue the common straine , to the lady mary wroth. epigr. . madame , to call you best , or the most faire , the vertu'st and the wisest in our daies : is now not commendations worth a haire , for that 's become to be each hus-wifes praise . there 's no degree , below superlatiue , vvill serue some soothing epigrammatists : the worst they praise , exceeds comparatiue , and best can get no more out of their fists . but , arts sweet louer ; ( vnto whom ! know , there is no happie muse this day remaines ; that doth not for your worth and bounty owe , euen himselfe , his best and sweetest straines . ) vouchsafe , to let this booke your fauour finde , and as i heare haue mans abuses showne , i le with like iust , and vncorrupted minde , so make your true vnfained vertues knowne , while others false praise , shall in one's mouth be , all shall commend you , in the high'st degree . to sir thomas ridgeway , knight barronet , treasurer of ireland . epigr. . sir , you first grac't and gratifi'd my muse , which nere durst try til then what she could do that which i did vnto my selfe was newes , a matter i was little vs'd vnto : had you those first endeauours not approou'd , i should for euer more haue silence kept ; but now your good encouragement hath moou'd and rous'd my spirits , that before time slept ; for which i vow'd a guift that should be better : accept this for 't , and i le be still your debtor . here you shall see the images of men , more sauage then the wildest irish kerne : abuses whipt and stript , and whipt agen , i know your iudgement can the truth discerne , now so you will thinke well of this my rime , i 'ue such a mind yet to saint patrickes ile , that if my fate and fortunes giue me time , i hope for to reuisit you a while , and make those sparkes of honour to flame high that rak't vp in obliuions cinders lie . to his father . epigr. . others may glorie that their fathers hands haue scrapt together mighty summes of gold boast in the circuit of new purchast lands , or heards of cattell more then can be told . god giue them ioy ; their wealth i le nere enuy , for you haue gotten me a greater store , and though i haue not their prosperitie , in my conceit i am not halfe so poore . you learn't me with a little to content me , shew'd how to bridle passion in some measure ; and through your meanes i haue a talent lent me , vvhich i more valew then all indies treasure ; for when the al-most boundlesse patrimonies , are wasted ; those by which our great ones trust to be eterniz'd : when their ceremonies shall be forgotten , and their toombes be dust ; then to the glorie of your future line , your owne and my friends sacred memorie , this litle , poore , despised , wealth of mine , shall raise a trophee of eternitie , which fretting enuy , nor consuming time , shall ere abolish or one whit offend : a toplesse statue that to starres shall clime , far greater then your art shall comprehend : but i must needs confesse t is true , i yet reape little profit in the eyes of men : my tallent yeelds small outward benefit , yet i le not leaue it for the world agen , though 't bring no gaine that you by artful sleight can measure out the earth in part or whole ; sound out the centers depth , and take the height , either of th' artick , or antartick pole : yet t is your pleasure , it contentment brings , and so my muse is my content and ioy , i would not misse her to be ranckt with kings , how euer some account it is a toy , but hauing then ( and by your meanes ) obtaind ▪ so rich a patrimony for my share : for which with linkes of loue i 'me euer chaind , vvhat duties fitting for such bounties are ? moreouer nature brought me in your debt , and still i owe you for your cares and feares : your paines and charges i doe not forget beside the interest of manie yeares : vvhat waie is there to make requitall for it ? much i shall leaue vnpaid doe what i can : should i be then vnthankefull ? i abhorre it , the will maie serue when power wants in man : this booke i giue you then , heere you shall finde somewhat to counteruaile your former cost ; it is a little index of my mind ; time spent in reading it , will not be lost ▪ accept it and when i haue to my might , paid all i can to you ; if powers diuine shall so much in my happi●es delight , to make you grandsire to a sonne of mine : looke what remaines and may by right be due ▪ i 'le pay it him as 't was receiud from you . your louing sonne . george wither . to his mother . epig . . vngrateful is the child that can forget , the mother 's many paines , her cares , her feares , and therefore though i cannot pay the debt , due for the smallest drop of your kind teares ; this booke i for acknowledgement do giue you , wherein you may perceiue my heart ▪ my mind ; let neuer false report of me more grieue you , and you shall sure no iust occasion find , loue made you apt to feare those slanders true , which in my absence were but lately sowne : it was a motherly distrust in you , but those that raisd them are false villaines known for though i must confesse i am indeed , the vilest to my selfe that liues this time , yet to the world ward i 'ue tane such heed , there 's none can spot me with a hainous crime . this i am forct to speake , you best know why , wherer's that man liuing that dare say i lye . to his deare friend maister thomas cranly . epigr. . brother , for so i call thee , not because thou wert my fathers , or my mothers sonne , nor consanguinity , nor wedlock lawes , could such a kindred twixt vs haue begun , we are not of one blood , nor yet name neither , nor sworn in brotherhood with ale house quarts we neuer were so much as drunke together , t was no such slight acquaintance ioynd our harts but a long knowledge with much trial did it ( which for to chuse a friend are good directions , ) and though we lou'd both well at first , both hid it , till 't was discouered by a like affections . since which , thou hast ore-gon me far in showing the office of a friend ; do 't stil and spare not , lo heere 's a memorandum for what 's owing ; but know for all thy kind respect i care not , vnlesse thou 'lt show how i may seruice do thee , then i wil sweare i am beholding to thee . thine g. vv. to his louing friend , and cousen-german , m. william wither . epigr. . if that the standerds of the house bewray , what fortunes to the owners may betide : or if their destinies , as some men say , be in the names of any signifi'd ; t is so in thine for that faire antique shield , borne by thy predecessors long agoe , depainted with a cleere pure arg●nt field , the innocency of thy line did show . three sable crescents with a cheueron gul'de tel's that black fates obscur'd our howses light ; because the planet that our fortunes rul'd , lost her owne lustre and was darkned quite : and as inded our aduersaries say ; the very name of vvither showes decay . but yet despaire not , keep thy white vnstain'd , and then it skills not what thy crescents be what though the moone be now increas't , now wain'd learne thence to know thy lifes inconstancy , be carefull as thou hitherto hast beene , to shun th' abuses man is tax't for heere , and then thy soule , that 's now ecclips'd with sin , when moone and sun are darkned shal look cleere and what soer'e thy english name may threat , the a haruests sonne the greekes entitle thee , ere thou shalt wāt , thy a h●re wil bring thee meat , and , to kill care , her selfe thy make-sport be , yea yet ( though enuies mists do make them dull ) i hope to see the wained orbes at full . for the better vndersta●●ing of this epigram , note that his armes are in a field argent a cheuron , gules betwixt three crescents sable , his name accord●ng to the greekes is 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 , and his crest is a hare with thre● wheat eares in her mouth . to his schoole-maister , maister iohn greaues . epigr. . i feuer i doe wish i maie be rich , ( as oft perhaps such ilde breath i spend ; ) i doe it not for any thing so much , as for to haue wherewith to pay my friend . for trust me , there is nothing grieues me more then this ; that i should still much kindnes take , and haue a fortune ( to my mind ) so poore , that ( though i would ) amends i cannot make : yet for to be as thankefull as i maie , snce my estate no better meanes affords , vvhat i in deed receiue , i doe repaie in willingnes , in thankes and gentle words . then though your loue doth well deserue to haue better requitals then are in my power ; knowing you 'l nothing vltra posse craue , here i haue brought you some essaies of our : you may thinke much , perhaps , since ther 's so many learn'd graduates that haue your pupils beene ; i who am none , and more vnfit then any , should first presume in publike to be seene : but you doe know those horses in the teeme , that with their worke are ablest to goe through , seldome so forward as blind bayard seeme , ( or giue so many twitches to the plough ) and so though they may better ; their intent is not , perhaps , for to be fooles is print . to the captious reader . vvhat thou maist say or thinke , it is no matte but if thou busily imagine here , since most of these are mighty , that i flatter ; know , sacred iustice is to me so deare , did not their vertues in my thoughts thus ra●●ther to get an empire by them i 'de not praise the●● finis . a mastif vvhelp and other ruff-island-lik currs fetcht from amongst the antipedes which bite and barke at the fantasticall humorists and abusers of the time. goddard, william, fl. . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a mastif vvhelp and other ruff-island-lik currs fetcht from amongst the antipedes which bite and barke at the fantasticall humorists and abusers of the time. goddard, william, fl. . [ ] p. by george waters], and are to bee sould, where they are to be bought, imprinted amongst the antipides [i.e. dordrecht : [ ?] dedication signed: willyam goddard. verse satire. with a title-page woodcut. the imprint is fictitious: printed ? by george waters in dordrecht (stc). signatures: a-k⁴ l² . reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database 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from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a mastif whelp with other ruff-island-lik currs fetcht from amongst the antipedes . which bite and barke at the fantasticall humorists and abusers of the time . in earnest i le but ieast imprinted amongst the antipedes , and are to bee sould , where they are to be bought . to my very loving frends , gf . rn. ws. rg . if . ig . gentlemen of the innee temple . renoewned flattcapps ( worthy sprighted men ) accept ( but doo 't with thanks ) fruites of my penn protect with tongues ( for tongues are lawyers helpes ) my toothles ( though much seeming-bitten ) whelpes protect em wagges , and when their teeth growes longe they shall with teeth ' protect ech lawyers tongue d●fend em waggs , and when i come from warr ( if you 'le stand for t ) * i le haue you cald too'th barr . euer yours willyam goddard . to the reader . expect noe fine phrase from a souldyers penn for ( reader ) wee the bluntest are of men our elloquence wee vtter with our swordes makinge our deedes to pollishe o're our wordes but yf thou likst a harshe vnpollisht vaine why then reade or'e this infant of my braine it knowes not howe to fawne , it wantes his wittes to clawe the backe , like true-bredd parrasitts its ' like ( as t is ) the mastif whelpe which bites those whom it plaies with , more then it delightes it is noe lewe to please a ladyes sight it barkes too loude , t' would wake hir in the night if thou affectst a right-bredd dogg forth ' beare then keepe this whelpe : this dogg such beastes will teare or wouldst haue raynard hunted to his denn ? hee le hunt him too 't and fetch him out agenn hee le seazs vppon the wolfe , ( soe bitten's hee ) noe beaste this dogg will dread that he cann see hee le hunt the hogg , and shalt not neede be feard , for hee le descrie eatche knaue with in thy yard if thou canst like a curr which is soe ruff then take thou this● he 'es full as feirce as tuff . w. g. the mastiffe whelpe . satire . goe mastiff whelpe disdenn thy selfe a while with sullen sport make thou thy maysters smyle : be wanton : yet amidst thy best delight not onelie barke , but make as yf thou dst bite grynn , snarle , and on thy best freind look soe grym as yf thou dst at one snapp devouer him . satire . thou penn of myne doe not with myld-calme rymes ▪ sooth-vp th' abuses of these barbrous tymes but like a lyon come thou ruf and feirce and with black boy strous stormes these men-beastes peirce let thy ruff galles be such as make them searche , aud scudd to find a safe place where to pearche blaste-black theire hues who 'gainst gods sacred dyetie has belcht the pitch-black-blazes of impyetie dread not the greatst : th art licenst penn to doo 't but yf he open lies , i chardge the shoot , spare not to saie there 's noe such villanie as is deathe-staringe-cruell tyrannye scorne thou the troubled ensignes of pale feare doo 't souldyer-like with bold and liuelie cheere whith bussinge whispers flye-blowe not the eare but what thou dost , with boldnes let , tappeare goe boldlie penn , goe bluntlie guie th'asault and lashe eache man accordinge to his fault . satire . gallants you wil be dyinge this christemas i le praie that eyther of you well maie passe i praie nowe perdon me , for this doubt i that some of you at this time ill will die and then my noble waggs ( excuse me hoe ) there is a thinge calls on you , west-ward hoe ? dye well ( madd waggs ) and here i will presadge to gold ( yf feynds barr not ) you l haue passadge . satire . solus the student takes on him such state that sure the gallants lordefyd ' of late my goldsmith is quoth he the best i' th towne and none could shr●dd my taylor ere putt downe push , push quoth hee , looke on my rapy'rs guylt none like my cutler fashons out a hilt yf others talk of barbers , he'ele crie tutt awaie t' is myne that has the exlentst cutt what doe i prate ? he maie vse this word my for sure the wayte on him which watchfull eye but shall i tell you howe ? and cease to iest oh! t' is with seriannts solus to arest . satire . nowe fpitefull fortune doe the worste you can yet iack will rise to be a gentleman did not iacks lord leane on his shoulders late chock him on the chynn , stroake him on the pate lendinge iack smyles when iack speakes but a word ah here be hopefull greaces from a lord who er'es a wynner , yet if iack haue th●se i cannot see howe iack cann rise and leese satire . svrveyinge summus scornes to tell a lie yet hee cann number all the starrs i th skie hee 'le tell howe manie gras-blades growes i th landes hee le justlie number all the ocean sandes howe manie howres t' is since the world begann he reckon cann : and counte the moates i th sunn these by his arte cann he doe exlent well yet in 's owne purse he nere could twelue pence tell . satire . a stromus , euerye night on 's back dus lie surveying of eache thinge i th starrye skie he gazeth on the beare , and charles his waine on all celestiall signes that fore tells raigne he'el tell you when th'clipse shal be i th sunn this yeare he'ele tell what next yeare shal be done yet for his life he cannot tell before the certen times , when 's wife means plaie the — satire . will lestas loue his booke ? i fayth sir noe , hee le be more constanter i hope then soe has not he vowd ' his thoughts too'th good ale pot● ? he knowes inconstancie in loue 's a blott what 's in a booke to yeild delight to man ? iust naught to that which is i th ale-howse cann the cann has that which whetts the dulled witt but books holdes naught but that which dulleth it lestas , be wise , and lie close to thy loue though freindes doe babble , doe not thou remoue . satire . thou fernydus , awaie thou wicked man i scorne to write on thee although i cann scudd silver-scraper : ritch wretch , hence , awaie thou owst thy gutts a debt , that debt goe paie , goe cloath thy back , it s more then halfe vnstript its nowe , just as i● were , when thou wert whipt goe broane-bread-eater , think that this my penn much scornes to write on water drynkinge men . satire . aske who they be ? demaund not that of me nor i , nor none ( i thinke ) knowes who they be to daie thei le divells be , but next daie then they 'le neyther divells be nor earthlie men an other daie they le kinges vnto you seeme the next daie ( happ'lye ) you 'l them beggers deeme no● shape , nor forme , they euer longe contayne lest be the fooles , but that they still mayntayne if they nor apes , nor fooles , nor players bee then who they are i cannot aunswere yee . satire . cotts pluttronells hir was appused bee hir was a shent leman all worl was see was not hir father effer wheare coot freez ? and effer trink coot trynk ? was tost coot sheeze was not hee make hir create pigg foe to yeyld kild a create deale a shyaunts in te feyld hir was a shentleman , all worl was see pye cott , and pluttronells was wronged be . satire . pratus ; thou art a busie-bodie growne ●oo talkatiue ' pon matters not thy owne what though the spanyard , pope , and divell plotts ? let em pratus : they doe not deale with sotts the states are wise , they cann see fire in smother it is not sects cann part the tone from tother they 'l hold in peace : t' is not their publick foe shall take t'h advantadge of a partinge blowe and therefore man , of thy owne busnes prate they 'le hold theire freind which helpes them hold theire state . goe busie-body'd foolish-pratinge mome busie thy bodie , on thy wife at home : gett her with child : it 's high time shee had one ioynd thirtye yeares ? it is a shame t hast none let states alone : thou needst ' not them to teache they arc to wise to make they re foes a breache satire . comfort thy selfe old mops , & doe not weepe what need'st thou woman such a whyning keepe ? thy sonn 's as well as anie man i th' lande , why all he did , was bidd a man but stande , and told him coyne he lackt ; there 's those doe worse , then bidd an honest man deliver's purse . he spake him faire , and tooke but what hee had , then what need'st ' weepe old girle ? what art thou madd ? come : cheere vp lasse , for 't is a gen'rall thing , that youth ( doe what thou canst ) will haue their swinge . satire . . quoth hom-bred hodge wudd god aboue c'had put will t'zchoole c'hadd la're than a groate , c'had larnt him but his zaltar c'hadd than done well enough , c'hadd nee'r been beg'd a voole by maz-la , c'hadd made vmall vurst joockt a halter , c'has eyes , c'has eares , chas lipps , & yet c'his begd a voole vath c'ham in vault my zelfe , c'hud ne're put boye t'zchoole . maz wiue zibb-la , watt ze'st ? c'hill to the court my zelfe , c'hill trye t'an begg the boye ; it 's but a zaying nay , c'hill spend vort-shillinges & more a pelfe but c'hill ha my zonn william vrom vm all away . but ear'ste tou me zibb ? ecche veare me this will come to passe , now th●y ha' gott my voole , thay'le come & begg my asse . satire . . captayue turne-hir-vpp hath not idle beene , hott was the seruice he of late hath seene , lowe-countreye service affords great daunger soe he reportes ; but greatest to a straunger , yet this he saies , if one may but beleeue him the pay's soe good , smale woundes would neuer greeue him . to his great detryment he loste a joynte , but iudge where t was : oh ! hard at 's codpeece poynte ( to his praise i speake it ) yet heed ' not out , but there tooke a bigger [ aie ] as he fought : for which ( braue man ) hee 's fayne to keepe his bedd and 's banckropt turn'd of all the haire on 's head , oh! how he banns the wounding whir igig , for causing him to weare this perrywigg , nay neuer begger hath ever curst the stocks , as captayne turne-hir-vp hath done the — satire . i graunt it ( cosmus ) that fond loue is blinde , and incident ( almost ) to all mankinde , yet cosmus though mens seeing sence dus fayle them , their smelling sence ( mee thinkes ) should much avayle them . oh! crye you mercie sir , your loue 's a rose , and therefore cannot chuse but please your nose : praye god shee dus ; but faith i doubt it much , i feare me coss , shee has a poulcats tutch , naye that 's not all : i feare shee has such trickes as still hir stalke will allwaies haue some prickes . cutt off those prickes ; then cosmus pre'thee tell . whether thy rose yeildes not a better smell , satire . ralus why did'st thou hoyst and beare thy sayles soe high ? that none expected but thou'dst sayle into the skye ? did'st think that eolus would ever prooue soe kinde ? as never jogg thy barke with one ruff blast of winde : i know thou did'st ; but now poore ralus thou maiest see how safe's the shrubb , ouer the lofty-towring tree , com lett this passe : now ralus thinke but what thou art , and quite forgett ( as wisdome biddesthee ) what thou wert , it is noe matter man what ever thou hast beene , thinke this ! the owle's not wondred at vntill hee 's seene . satire . gallenus thou of late art growne of wondrous fame , but gallen ; prythee tell me how thou cam'st byth'same . reporte dus p●are , tha 'st twenty patients in one daie , and sometimes manie more ; soe prating fame dus say , yet aske him who they are that comes soe faste to thee , his answer is , that femall creatures all they bee . faith doctor it is well , thy study is to please the femall sex , and how their corp'rall griefes to ease but hark : you had a patient named d●ll i 'me sure , vppon whose body you did doe a famous cure . indeed ( good gallen ) shee a right true patient were you know shee putt vp much , and very much did beare . i praie , may but a man without authority demaund what is become of this same dorithie ? oh! shee 's gone to purge , for late shee tooke a glister : faithe doctor you did ill , you might haue done but kist-her . a pestlence on 't , that you would giue soe deepe a touch and hauing skill , would ouer-shoot the marke so much . satire . thou sai●st dematas poets heades are vaine , and to smale purpose they doe take great paine : noe dematas ; vaine thy father was , or madd to scrape much wealthe for an vnthrifty ladd . thou art not vaine to spende in brav'rie , all what thy old dadd gott by poling knau'rie . this is not vaine : nor is it vaine to pyne thy struncke-vp gutts , to trimme thy wif●●p fine no● dematas ; nor t' is not vaine to wrack tenaunts : loading ( with lordshipps ) thy wiues back , these are not vaine ; but he which beates his braine to picture out men vaine : why , hee is vaine . satire . nick's deepely learnd , hee 's skild ' in palmestrie , hee 'le make yong girles beleeue he is a god , and with his chaunting arte of minstrelsie , hee 'le make the litle waggtayles finely nodd , oh! hee 's most rare to fore-tell destenies , or by his phisnomie to know a knaue , his sable carradge fitts sadd obsequies , his skilfull tricks a conny-catching slaue . yet all these artes did not soe much befrend him as once foretell that tiborne tree should end him . satire . noll has the skill to winn and woe a wife , then why should noll ( praie ) lead a single life ? he followe plowe ? faith sir he scorns it plaine why ladies faire will not noll's suite disdaine . let but his wench intreate him to sitt downe , hee will not straight waies doe it like a clowne but off witch's hatt , make 's legg , & answere naie , with i 'me as well , forsooth , i thanke you saie naie , noll ●n's courting , none comes nie him , they all may learne ; push , they must goe by him : haue they the hart to sitt by mistrisse fraunces ? he has ; naie more : hee 'le pinck with pretty glaunces , the 'ile blurt forth this ; thei 'le sweare they doe affect hir , and from greate perrills the 'ile still protect hir , faugh , faugh : ti 's stale ; ti 's nothing like to his , noll's bold-spirit wil serue to giue akisse , and some times noll will make his long discourse of any thing ; i , of an olde brood-goose , or of his mothers henn with ' copple crowne , oh! quoth noll . non laies such egges in all the towne . and then hee vp & tells how shee 's ath ' kinde such a henn quoth noll , ( oh ) ! 't is rare to finde . and when to walke dispos'd is mestresse frauncis , before hir like a fore-horse nolkin praunces . cann courtyers saie this is a goodly weather ? awaie plaine witts , they cann but tosse a feather . cann courtyers sighing by their looues , thus saie ? this raine ( alack ) is to to badd for hay , or thrice in one houre aske them what 's a clock ? fie , their witts to his are dull ; i , meere a block . yet theise from witty noll extem'pre comes , come come , to noll all courtyers are meere momes . satire . how ? iames a man ? his rapire is not guilt , hee fight ? i , when his dublett's wrought with quilt , hang him slaue , hee cannot call a whore a whore , nor with a grace breake vp a sinners doore , hee 'l saie mall , i praie mall let me kisseyee , or mistresse marye thinke how well i wishe yee , else hold hir by the hande & sigh apace , or like th'astronomer hee le stand & gaze , gaping for changes in his maryes face . come hang him doult , by th ' lord hee 's but a gull , for witt i neuer knewe an asse more dull . satire . the rule 's not false that 's held in learn'd philosophie , how all th' fowre ellements together dus abide : experienc't colcus dus the same now iustifie , alas alas , too late the'xperience he hath tried , for as he sayl'd along the midd'terranian gulfe , which lies right over besses equenoxtiall line ( aye ) there he met with such a hott & firie wulfe that has consumed quite poore colcus friggott fine , before that colcus this experience had well tried , to heare this argument could colcus ne're abide . satire . wherein dus ouids eccho that sweete am'rous nimph ; excell the ladie delphis our most heau'nly imph ? as ouids nimph would still narcissus last words vse , like soe dus delphis hir sweet pomus woords peruse : let pomus saie sweet dilphis can'st thou loue quoth hee ? then ( eccho-like ) shee takes the last word [ loue ] quoth shee , thy tempting-cherry-lipps sweet delphis i will kisse quoth delphis [ kisse ] : soe sild ' the last word would shee mis , my seggs between thy snowy thighs will i entwind ▪ quoth shee [ ●ntwind ] thus loue with ' last words dus shee binde . i 'le doe as litle cupid bidds his champions doe , quoth delphis [ doe , ] still vnto pomus answering soe vntill by pomus shee had paied hir maydens debt , his last word & hir first still often-times thus mett . satire . feene mistris pucis with hir sharpe-redd-coul'red nose one hair-bredth of hir heigth the fixon will not loose , shee trotts so short , shee 'le reach a horse his perfect'st pace , i , and a wrie-mouth'd ape to make an antike face , hir flippaunt tongue would make a most sence-pleasing sound , did not hir wyndy-●●ppertaile the musick dround . satire . what 's a gull , that iack of gull'●ye is accus'd ? my hart 's enflam'd to heare how iack's abus'd , is hee a gull that ne're wil bee at stand to-paye these tailors all their whole demaund ? is hee a gull which bouzeth night by night with 's betters ? scorning they should paye a mite or is hee one that letts a shorditch wench the goul den entrailes of his purse to drench ? these bee noe gulls i 'me sure : but if they bee ? then iack's a gull : for such a one is hee . satire . paule liues by 's witts , hee 'le sweare there 's noe such meat , yet sometimes bread ( with hart ) poore pawle would eate . pawles witty dyet has made his bodie fine , and that 's the cause in powles , pawle oft doth dyne . where pawle in lieue of 's dinners great expence , oft diues a hose & pickes out peters-pence . satire . . hang tom : what hee ? hee 's but a foole to mee for tricks , you all may learne come , i 'le teach thee . tom dares not looke an emp'rour in the face : hang puling apes ; he wants a manly grace . why tom will blush , if once hee tell a lie : hee has no skill i th' world● to cogg a die . tom's witt 's most blockish ; faugh , 't is too too course , i 'le wadg my life the gull ne're yet stole horse , noe nor soe much ( i thinke ) as e're tooke purse , he thy tutor ? thou canst not chuse a worse . hee 'le teach the this to groape a wenches plackett , hang him cowe , hee dares not diue a pockett , or milke-sop-like to lead a wench the haie , base-harted-babe he dares not make afraie . forsake him nedd : thou shalt my scholler ●ee , i 'le learne thee arte my rogue ; be rul'd by mee . satire . clow●●● of late a compleate knight ●as made , dares anie saie , his sire got's wealth by th ' spade ? hee 'le kill em then ; for knowe you hee 's a knight , and all made soe ; are desp'rate men to fight . what e're his father was , i 'me sure of it , he left his sonn ( by farre ) more wealth then witt . and wealth ( i hope ) a gentle-man du● make . and hee that 's soe ; a knight hoods rite may take , satire . larsus toth ' sunn his mistresse doth compare , in deede in bewty shee is somewhat rare , and saies from hir hee has his light & life , he may be proud that has soe light a wife . yet la●sus pre thee be not wrath with mee , for rather like the moone ( me thinkes ) is shee . she'xchangeth oft ( i speake it in noe scorne ) as thou hast light from hir , soe th' ast the horne . satire . steltus ? fallatus makes good vse of thee : thou art his looking-glasse : be rul'd me , thy looking-glasse ( stelltus ) make thou of him , then both of you will drest be neate and trimm . looking on thee : ( and further 't will his marriadge ) he prunes out pride , & foole-bredd stately carriadge . and shaues f●om's lipps ( a thing betokening witt ) the sta●ring haires of a bould parrasitt , now looke in him , & thou shalt see it plaine , that dronkennesse is one ath ' foulest staine . and see in him how haggedly & leane , a man is made which vseth much a queane . looke in him man ; for this beleeu 't that he has bettr'd bene by looking into thee . satire . watt me thinkes of all men thou should'st ' stench desire , since fooles ( as wise-men saies ) can quickliest quench loues fire why could●st not begg or steale from green on dramm of witt ? and soe by blurd-endashed lynes haue sent hir it . thou might'st er'e this have revel'd in luxurious game , if soe tha'dst done & quencht thereby loues burningst flame . but harke thee wart ? he speakes toth ' winde , that learnes a foole : i●le bee noe tutor , where such dunces comes toth ' schoole . satire . yet watt i ought not leaue thee thus since i doe know from whence the streaming flouds of these thy passions flowe , me thinkes i ought t' applie some pill to thy disease , therefore here be simples , compound them if you please ; first gett a pound of witt , of couradge , twice as much , these are excelent simples , i knowe not any such , then take of place and tune , of each two handfull more , seeke out for oportunytie , in gardens there be store , of that one handfull take ; which done , these simples pound , and thou shalt see , thy burning heate they will confound . but harke thee watt , if these receipts doe add noe hope , then ( doe as olde diogines bidds ) that's take a roape . satire . lacritus , thy hart 's straite fraught with iealousie , if on thy wife , a man but glaunce his eie . thou fermidus , if one but kisse thy dame , ath ' back of hir , thy wand is straight forth same . fie , fie , howe bitter would be eithers life , if you should take , as wittus tooke his wife , you 'd hardly laugh and smile vppon the man , and aske ; has not he over-heat thee nan ? consider : wiues can doe noe better deede . then helpe their husbandes frendes at pussh of neede . satire . laminus , often times t' hast asked mee , why lambas hanged was ? praie answer'd bee , his neck was short ; and had thy head a reatch , thou 'dst soone conceiue he hang'd but 's necke to streach . why foole was thyne ( as hissen was ) too shorte ? noe trick to lengthen it , but hanging for 't . satire . qvestion don lingus but of forraine states , and you shall see how formally hee prates : straite heel 'e vp , & tell , how he hath seene , that stout & famouse amazonian queene . vowing it is the onely worthi'st sight , to see the order of th' amazons fight , then forewardes still hee 'le talke of prester iohn , commending him for a most worthy man , protesting that , soe soone hee came on land , hee had that gallant warriour by the hand . pussh , pussh ( quoth hee , ) this barren europa is nothing like to aethiopia , and then he shakes his head , ( sighing most deepe ) oh! ( quoth hee ) why did not i my selfe there keepe ? which done ; his audience straight'ginnes to applaud him . and though an asse , yet like a god they laude him . yet question him but out ath ' english stile , you 'le finde the goose ne're crost has natiue i le , satire . prince pluto king ath ' stincking stigian lake , finding himself not well , his will would make , in which , this wealthy & all-worthy man , in that his will , to this effect begann . quoth he ; imprimis here i doe decree , that pride my first-borne sonne a courtier bee . enjoyning enuie and ambition still ( as yonger brothers should t' attende his will. but as for sloath and avarice ( quoth hee ) those will i haue in learning brought-vp bee . where gluttonie my yongest sonn of all , shall waite one them , attentive at their call . but now my daughter luste , then shakes his head , oh! hir i 'de faine see place't ere i were dead . hir , hir ( quoth hee ) , if i could but bestowe , then i 'de not care how soone i went below . courtiers are bad : towns-men are often naught , and contrey-men ( quoth he ) are most vntaught . therefore on these shee 's plainly cast awaye : oh! my deare luste ( quoth he , ) what shall i saie ? why faith ( quoth he , ) 'fore shalt be quite vndone , i 'le see thee made my selfe an honest nunn soe putting hir 'mongst holly nunnes to dwell , his body dies , and 's soule departs to hell . satire . . i tell thee tom , thou art too plaine a ladd i ; too too grosse ; a hom-bredd contrey swadd . i tell thee man , thy witt , that witt of thyne is muddie , thick , 't is nothing nimbly-fine . with whomsoeuer thou dost chaunce to walke , all 's one to thee ; of corne or land 's thy talke , or of the cows ; else of thy flock of sheepe , with such like stuffe , a tedious coyle thou 't keepe . awaie plaine foole : think'st souldiers doe delight in such discourse ? thou art deceiued quite , or think'st it pleasing to a schollers taste ? if thou think'st soe ? a wrong conceipt thou hast , and if thou thinkst a courtier it will please , perswade thy selfe , to him 't is much disease . dust ' heare me tom ? i tell thee th' art too plaine : why man ? a nimble witt fitts euerie vaine : tooth'souldier i 'de be vp with barracados , raising counter-mures , breaking pallazados . tooth ' scholler i 'de vse naught but rethorick , i de vp with sophistrie , or ellse with logick . as for the courtier ; pussh , i 'de mak's mouth watter i would on 's mistresse talke ; with him i 'de flatter . of courtshipp wholly all my talke should savour , as tell him how he might attaine t'ir favour . thus thomas all their humors i would fitt , but what talke i to one which wanteth witt. satire . relcus , thy hart 's an inn , wherein men say lies witt ; ( that most right-worthy guest alwaie ) but honestie were vs'd to lodge with witt ; canst ' tell me relcus why he doth not it ? one inn , one boord , one bedd , did once containe those famouse , radiant & bright-shining twaine , but now ; oh now ! much i muse & wonder , what cause they haue to put them selues assunder . it 's rare to see them two , together walke , but farre more rare it is , to see them talke . faith relcus do a charitable deede , releiue poore honestie in time on 's neede , and witt and hee together revnite , bith'deede much maiest thou merrit by this light . relodg them relcus , bigg enough's thy harte , and in 't thou 't shewe a wise and charitable parte . satire . bvlus to haue his taff'tie ierkin seene , hath learnt a trick ath ' butchers arte , i weene , for as the butcher having open cutt , his bullocks paunch ; dus side from side straight putt . his reason why each side hee setts a parte , is , cause men should see th'fatt about the harte● ev'n just as these beast-slaying butchers doth , so right this gallant ( ali - asse butcher ) doth . for on each side on 's cloake , each hand he laies , by which fine sleight he beares it back alwaies . so by that meanes ( maugre his mantles spight ) his sattin sleeues and ierkin shall haue light . i th' butchers arte , he has learn't more then halfe . and can ( you see ) dresse & sett forth a calfe . satire . a right good-fellow by his purse is knowen , for sildom it will hould a doit on 's owne . this pratus i doe know : and more ; i t●owe , i haue one rule an honest man to knowe , for when i heare men let their judgements loose , of any whom they tearme for some plaine goose . true honestie ( i thinke ) in him there lies , for plaines iudg'd is fool'rie by th ' vnwise . but pratus , now one rule more would i know , and that same trick i 'me wisht to get from you . that 's onely this ; sir , how to know a knaue , that kindenes at your handes ; praie let me haue . satire . when souldus thinkes ath ' time , how him it failes , he then ( alas poore-man ) at mars straight railes , milke-sopp ( quoth he ) from venus come advaunce and in hir steede , come lead vs men a daunce : art'not asham'd to be soe weake i th' joynt ? as to be held by hir by th' cod-peice-poynt . come , come ; let can●ons to our meales saie grace , lett bulletts sing to vs the cinquepace . wee long to daunce : and once the ●ime were when , thou lou'dst the bullet-banquet with vs men . in such like juncquets once thou did'st delight , those were the cates best pleas'd thy appetite . come , come , foresake thy w●nton minyon trimm . but vulcan bring , since thou hast head-peec't him . satire . ralf saies that robin has no manlike face , nor cannot swashe it with the swagg●ingst grace : hee is an asse , a verye asse hee saith , a pidler in his oathes ; he 'le sweare y-faith , or elles in-troth , in-de●d , insooth , or soe , a right pure dunce , that cann saie i , or noe , i 'le teach him that in one halfe daie he shall sweare ev'rie oath with grace emperiall . what i ( quoth hee ? ) let anie doe me wrong , thus i 'le shew vigor with my spright-full tongue i 'le vowe by styxes pitch-black hidious streames , by all the radiant raies of yon'same beames , by ioue who makes earthes canapie to quake , or by the ruler of the stidgian lake , that i will kill him ; slashe him ; hewe the knaue . or peece-meale cutt him , to devoure the slaue . i will not saye . indeed-la sir i 'le doo 't what i ? by ioue i will putt home vntoo 't . satire . all saies that dulcus all in 's booke delights , but all those alles are all deceiued quite . for 's eare ( but that indeed 's but parte of him ) to heare ( oh ! how it goes toth ' harte of him ) his smooth tongue prate : reioyceth in such measure , as noe mans eare ( by 's tongue ) e're reap't like pleasiure . oh god! if you did heare the great delight his eare dus heare , you would be ravisht quite . for 's tongue too 's eare convaies such wordes refin'd , as'tis not straunge hee 's ravisht in his minde . satire . gorgus a good minde beares , in this 't is seene , for looke what things ate naught , & baddest beene . gorgus , to make them good doth striue amaine , and in this worke doth take noe litle paine , the wicked'st lie by baddest tongue er'e fordg'd , ( i ; were it by hells-maister's self disgordg'd ) gorgus ; ( though ne'r soe badd ) will make it good , i , and maintaine it ; to a dropp of bloud . a good mind gorgus , to make things good of euell , why 't is a worke contrarie to the divell . satire . bentus , did you lie sucking at the ale , you 'd not looke white , leane , waper-eide , & pale . you haue been sicke : your vrine ( if you please ) i 'le truly cast , & tell you your disease . you were not smaid ' at fontus late downefall , noe ; to your harte that was right cordiall . it pleased you that courtus in 's sute was crost , and that marchantus his ritch shipp late loste . those put you on soe blith a merrie pinn . that you from hartie laughing could not linn . it was not these , made you loke hagged white ; no blear-ey'd benttus ; here 's the wicked spight . lately was virtus for his virtues grac'd , and on bright honours seat for 's vertues plac'd . t' was this , thy freindes advaunc'ment bredd thy smart , this was the shaft , that prickt thy cank'red hart . bentus , th' art sicke : thy palenes shewes thy evill , the sor's much doubtfull , which is hurt by th' devill . satire . thy hart 's enflamed ardus with this fire , of clambring man : faine would'dst thou clamber higher yet ardus , ardus , obserue but well the tyme , and thou shalt finde , thou tak'st wrong waies to clime . 't is not the deedes of armes , thou do'st repeate , can make thee mount one inch to honours seate . nor will the conquering townes helpe thee one whitt , recount thou these , these throws thee down from it . can'st flatter man ? well learne thou but that lepp , then thou shalt quickly gaine the foremost stepp . then for the second round , learne pandrisme , and thou shalt gett it straight i warrant thee . now for the round , that toucherh honours neast , this round lies high ; more daung'rous then the rest : ardus , thou must a pollititian bee , skillfull to plott , & pack deepe trecherie . learne these , ( onely take heede of envies eye , then shalt thou easly mount , & clamber high . satire ▪ vvert not for subjects , kings vnkingly were , for they be they , which propps the kingly chaire . and were it soe , that subjects were awaie , the poetts poetrie would straight decaie , as th' one by subje&s has his temples crown'd , soe tother by good subjects is renown'd . since both their states by subjects be vp-held , that both are kinges it cannot be repell'd . they both bee kinges : but th' poetts realme i finde , restes in the climar of a firtle minde . a minde content , falls to their kingdomes share . yet like my argument most poetts are that 's verie weake , and most exceeding bare . satire . vvhen scoggin liu'd , i thinke in those same daies , men did not well knowe how , nor whom to praise because ( forsooth ) a fatt sowse taile he greas'd t' applaud his witt , those wittles graunsires pleas'd , but harke ye ; say they were but living nowe , ( wich did soe praise the greasing of one sowe ) how would they praise ( naie they 'd doe more then praise ) the fatt-g●es'd-tailes , soe daub'd in these our daies . it is not onely sowes that greased bee , but hogges ( a thousand in one daie ) grease wee and grease wee still ▪ for greasing of that parte adds fatt to fatt , and then it 's fitt to — satire . vvhy tom quoth tharsus th' art deceiued quite , i still continewe courtier by this light thou look'dst i should haue cal'd : sir , doe yee heare ? wil 't please you taste ( e're goe ) a cupp of beare ? awaie , awaie : why harke thee noble theefe , i 'me none of those which feedes on poudred beefe . nor none of those that keepes a standing house : awaie with gulls : come ; thee & i 'le carrowse : wee 'le swallow healthes ; not of your fulsome beare t'shallbe noe earthly stuff ; but stuff to nectar near : come tom with heauenly stuff thy mawe i 'le feede with that stuffes quintessence which still dus breede . in man's lowe brest : high thoughts which still aspire , and vpwardes mount , as heauens vp-mounting fire . a pox on't tom , i thus dull humours choake , and thus confound them with a pipe of smoake . haue at thee tom , tobaccoe's harte of oake . satire . . one of the nation of that sprightfull frenche . tooke armes to joyne in battell with a wench : well fell hee on ; and soe well dealt each blowe as at the firste he gaue an overthrow , but fewe there was , which did behoulde that sight , but iudg'd the wench would haue the worst ath ' fight : yet shee in warrs arte verie pollitick , compells hir forces stand : by which same trick , ( charging againe with all ; ( who at it would not scoff ? againe shee ( with a pox ) makes him fall off . his seccoud : ( a nation which shall nameles be ) fell well on too ; but cam not off scott-free , yet as the french , at firste encount'red well ; but to retrait ( pox on 't ) at laste he fell . alas the firste soe flesht hir , as that he , shee 'd ne're eudure , to come off quite scott-free . satire . . the pampred horse at mares ne're neigheth more , theu lustus at all times doth at a — and as the lustfull stallion striues to be with ev'rie beast ( of 's kinde ) his eye doth see . soe likewise lustus doth : but lord t is strange , that man should out of reasons boundes soe raunge . the horse is yong , and full of strength his vaines , a beaste : hee has noe reason to guide's raines . but hee 's a man ( hee should be soe at leaste ) ( and rul'd with reason , deff'rent from a beaste ) an aged man , a man gray-hair'd & olde . whose withered-shrinkimg vaines must needes be colde , whose partched bodie 's from all moisture drie ; yet sildom times he sees a wench passe by , but hee with ( badd intent ) goe to hir must , to quench ( what should hee quench ? ) a diuelsh lust. oh beastelie man : the beastli'st beast wee finde , ( if quencht in corpes ) ne're thirsteth in his minde . satire . kamatus being sicke through too much drincke , that hee should die the holie man did thinke . and being more then halfe resolu'd to die , this epitaph he fram'd as hee did lie : kamatus , once a pearle in each girles eie , now mortiefi'd , here dus that worthie lie. of louing parents first i tooke my name but now to children i will leaue the same of s●ymie earth this flesh first tooke his frame , it now retornes to earth , from whence it came as for my soule ( oh ) she in great delight , in post to heauen ( with ioye ) shee makes hir flight : this framed once , then downe againe hee lies , and turnes about , makeing as though he dies , with 's eyes close shutt , a while he faste dus winke when op'ning them cries whores ; fill me more drinke . satire . you cryttiekes , which inuectiuely do write , to you whose pennes soe bitterly doe bite , to yon i speake ; of you i aske but why you how rely doe great lordings soe belie ? you prate how lordes vn-mann'd are in this age , you saie't is well if they haue but a page . come prating parretts let your tatlings cease , and let but this susfice to make you peace . doe not they woemen keepe ? which eu'rie yeare more costly are then e're old blew-coates were : for euery man their graundsires kept before . these keepe three woemen for 't , or rather more . contrariewise ; 't was neuer seene i th' land , ( as now they are ) the woemen halfe soe man'd . recount but these , you lauish writers large , and you shall finde they are at treble charge , satire . there is noe land vppon earthes center knowen , like th' english soyle , soe wond'tous wealthy growne . that ieuwell , which all nations holdes soe deare , wee treade in durt ; not caring for it here . why what 's plaine dealing ? some this iem●n dus h●ld , a ieuwell farr in prise surpassing gold . but wee ( it seemes ) o'rcloyd with it of late . hold , and esteeme it at a straunge lowe rate . soe lowe a rate : that 't is fetcht from 's soe fast , as , much i feare , all wil●e fetcht at at laste . satire . verbositus at wordes from latine caru'd dus snatch , as if his wittes were hunger-staru'd : and well hee dus ; for faith soe leane 't is growne , that from annotomie 't is hardly knowne . it is soe weake , as ( truelie ) i protest , fine phrase retoricall't will not disgest . harke would by-wise ? by good wordes all appli'd , the asse to be a foole by 's owne tongue 's tri'd , then if th' art wise , thy tongue hath thee beli'd , satire . a waie with him quoth gold-daub'd thamaccus , his speechles silence shewes he is an asse , a dunce you see , that knowes not how to looke , some braine-beater or porrer on a booke . tell him ath ' mounting faulcons braue made flight , or what mouth'd hound makes huntsmen best delight . discourse to him of which dogg made a faulte , how thunder spent , or what made tyndall hault , awaie , awaie : awaie with senceles blockes , farr better 't is to tell it vnto stockes . thus sh'wes sir gold-cold-witted asse his skill , and floutes the poore-ritch-minded scholler still , satire . before i marrie'd was to my fayre wife , oh lord ! how solitarie was my life : but nowe to be pertaker of my sporte , gallants to my house ( as to a courte ) resorte : one cause he would acquinte himselfe with mee . takes his occasion my fine nagg to see , another comes to heare my kennells crie , the thirde perhapps to see my fawlcon flye . oh! who would not gett apreettie wenche too 's wife , that hates to leade a sollitarie life . satire . pvsa is gott with childe , sam ▪ doe not flatter ; but speake ; had'st not a finger in the matter : it was ill hand'led samwell ; for in truth , the wench saies none but samwell is the youth , pox on 't sam ; cradles forth ' childe to sleepe , with candles , soape , & wasshing , will grow deepe . besides all this ( but this is to thy grace ) in white-sheet thou must waite a sermons space . faith sam , what luck had'st thou soe well to speede ? as to be graced for thy maisters deede . satire . when dick for want of druncken mates growes sicke , then with himself to worke goes faithfull dick. the butt'rie dore t'ymselfe he shutteth close , that done , then goes the pott straight waies to 's nose : a health ( quoth noble dick : each hogshead than , must seeming pledge this honest faithfull man. but straight from kindnes dick to humors growes , and then too th' barrels he his valour showes , throwing about the cupps , the potts , & glasses , and railes ath ' tunns ; calling them druncken asses . from this to kindnes hee dus come ; and then , a freshe a drinking richard fales agen , ne're ceasing this same faithfull coyle to keepe , t●ll vnder th' hogshead he falls fast a sleepe . satire . as boastus all alone in 's hall did walke , thus to himfelfe , did boastus brauely talke . oh! that old troye ( quoth he ) had bene vnsack't , i would ( i trowe ) haue made the gretians pactr . and this right arme the troians would haue founde , should soone haue beat the gretians from theire ground . and then his sworde about his heade he flasheth , ah hah quoth he ; & then the postes he slasheth . then straight he wisheth for great charlemayne , or for that neuer conqer'd tamberlayne . oh! earth disgorge thy selfe of allexander , i long to fight ( quoth he ) with that commaunder . good grandam let them but appeare in sight , that they may once but taste of this armes might . and then againe too 's flashing worke he goes , wishing that all those postes were dead●y foes . would here were roman ceasar romes great king , ifaith ( quoth he ) i 'de make his cox-combe sing , and then he foines & strikes , ( without all staie ) stooles , chaires , formes , bordes , or what else is in 's waie . still executing's wrath vppon those men , till's angrie wife came in , and rescu'd them for in shee came , and in her hand a ladle , with which shee swing'd him well about the nodle . and why ? alas he rockt not well the cradle . satire . metamorphiz'd mick : where 's thy target man ? what chaung'd into a lisping ladies fann ? is dubb a dubb bellonas warlike noates , chaung'd to fa la la , streind through shrill evnukes throates ? art turn'd from grimm-face't mars his valiaunce , to smiling venus hir tempting daliaunce ? me thinkes those leggs oft harnest with bright steele , to twind with nimphes weake limmes no sweet should feele , hast learn'd to skipp , smyle , kisse , & looke demure ? i th' steede of charge or raise a counter mure , for shame rechaunge , thou maiden-chaunged mick come vse thy pyke ; tha 'st vs'd too long thy — satire . vvhy how now drowsie dick ? what halfe a sleepe ? come madd-capp ; followe me & i will sleepe thy muddye braines in sparkling charnico , come rise damb'd rogue ; slydd skabb it shall be soe , why how now asse ? what ayel'st t'ou foole to whyne ? what crying ? s'harte this is ex'lent fine , thou pul'st , & snul'st : a great peece matter why ? forsooth by cause thou told'st thy dadd a lie . why horson foole , was 't not done in thy drinke ? slidd ; thou 't prooue an idyeot ( sure ) i thinke . did'st euer see mee in this pulling passe ? yet i haue call'd ( e're now ) my father asse . my wife yong witch , my mother worne-out punck . well : what a this ? they 'd saie but i was drunck . come faithfull dick , let 's drincke , thou must not crye , thou't ne're make theefe , that pul'st soe at a lie . satire . i tell thee iack , amidst thy cupps of wyne , thou art not braue ; thy tongue 's not nimble fine . sullen thou sitt'st , as seeming discontent . at thy assotiats iouall merriment . bee iouall ladd ; stirr-vp thy tongue to walke , a man in 's cupps is priueleg'd to talke . why leaden-harted-man , why hadst thou birth but to consume thy time in sprightfull mirth ? soe thy tongue flippant be , care not man let it prate ; noe matter what 't is an . let thy comparissons mount vp tooth ' skye : saie , what are kinges but men ? and soe am i th' art not true br●dd , thou dreamest of thy ende , come , rouse-vp ladd , what old-dadds get wee 'l spend . satire . i graunt thee allexander thon wast great , and that this crauin world thou once did'st beat : naie more , i doe beleeue & thinke 't is true that part ath ' warlike gods thou did'st subdue . yet what a this ? i meane not blaze thy name but with a brighter light to daske the same . the cause why thou great ioues high throne hast kist , i pry thee tell whereon it doth consiste ? thou't saie on conquestes , which with bloud thou got'st , and that by these all others fame thou blott'st . come come , thy greatest great is meerely small , to blowne fac't blundulus of stature tall . hast thou a legg more bigg then anie oake ? or thigh whose bone will bide a canon stroake ? hast thou a paunch wherein may armies h●dd , as in the gretian horse long since there did ? come , to be short , vnlesse thou hast all this , blundulus is great , and thou but small i wis . satire . things which of death doe put great men in minde , are alwaies not the welcom'st things wee finde : since soe ; why doe wee muse they soe reject , all serving men ? and of them not respect . oh blame them not ; for ( faith la ) doe ye heare ? to see death ; what is hee that would not feare ? and what is hee that serving-men should see , to gape , as waite ? but iudge would that was hee , for iuste as death waites onely to deuoure , e'ne soe doe they , and haue the selfe same power . to keepe em , then , i praye great men excuse . for so to thinke one death they could not chuse . satire . giue waie orlando furious man i saie , ( for furiousnes ) to spendus giue thou waie . t is true ( inraged-man ) that at one stroake , ( e're now ) thou hast made fall the sturdi'st oake , but what is one oakes fall ? spendus at one blowe , whole woodds ath ' biggest oakes dus ouerthrowe . orlando : th' art compos'd of earth and aeire , and of the cristall running-water faire . but spendus ( worthy spendus ) i presume , is all of fire , for hee dus all consume . satire . i will raile at thee nature ; for i finde my bodie 's smal , and answers not my minde . how happs tha 'st made me of a dwarfish stature ? fie , fie , i tell thee tha' rt too blame dame nature . why woman-god , too much th' ast wronged mee , for by my minde , a gyant i should bee . t is great ; i wondrous great , then how comes it that too 't my body thou soe i 'll did'st fitt ? goe corrupt dame ; i tell thee i doe finde i should haue bene a souldier by my minde : i 'em proud , stout , & though i 'em nothing couetous , yet ( souldier-like ) i am ambitious . what 's in a souldiers minde 's in mine : then why to my great minde soe smale a man am i ? satire . go ridus teach tellatus some true skill . to make his beaste ( while he gets vp ) stand still , hee dares not mount ; ridus how shall he doe ? and when hee 'd mount , then startes she to and fro . faith helpe him ridus ; hee must haue hir man'd hee loues the beaste that 's broken to his hand . about it man , thou hast the onely'st name , to make ( by riding ) wilde things truely tame . satire . knowe you not him with peacock-spreading-plumes ? that great-bigg-mountaine-looker which soe fumes . hee whose rock-rending-looke grimm mars would make ( as frozen-synew'd ) with could feare to quake , and make the troubled ensignes of pale feare , at sight of it , in his base cheekes appeare moste straunge ! knowe you not him ? oh mudds foule slime ! why hee 's the thunder threatner of our tyme , whyt's razer-witted clitus ; that same ladd . which godds ( er●e now ) to speake-to has been gladd , it 's hee whose hobby-mounting thoughts soe sor'd . that lesse then ioue none thought he 'd be ador'd . knowe you not him ? why faith 't is wondrous straunge , yet 't is not , cause ath ' man-gods nowe great chaunge . satire . hob-carting tom and 's father's gone to plowe . leauing old madge at home to feed the sow , ka tom too 's father ; vather earste tou mee ? i● my boy tom ; wat zest ? zay on ka hee maz vather-la wud god eech had a wife , ma thinkes eech wudd ha wone rare than my life oh boy ka hee tis naught , 't will spoyle thy groath , twull mare thee tom ; twull make thee vull a zloath , nai● hold tere vather ; wudd tou wud'st not lie , but whare twull or no la ( ka tom i●le trie , ee●h wott well vath●r eech forgoe my zleepe , while you lie snoring , eech oft crie & weepe . while you lie gruntling like a drousie hogg , eech madditate , watt eech should send my iugg . zest vather wat tou wult : doe all tho 't doe , yet eech shall trie my beste a wife to woe . wilt tom ka hee ? but i 'de not ha thee yet vurst ha thy lond in harte , & then th' art fitt . lond in harte ? that 's vyne ka tom ; lond in varte , i 'le ha a wiue else dule himselfe zelue goo't carte well tom ka's vather ; make noe more a doe , and eech my zelfe will helpe thee one to woe . gramercie vather ; zest wel like a mon , doe as thou zest ; and eech wull loue thee thon . satire . who would not follow warrs that has his witt ? which allwaies has such musicke followes it , the priuat'st souldiour lying in his neast , by warbling lullabies is brought too 's rest . not by your wanton-wench-like evnukes voyce , but by a heau'nlike thundring cannons noyse . vnto whose song the trumpett soe dus plaie , as tweene them both they rauishsence a waie , soe sweet's the musike , which doe followe warrs , that cyties daunce , and capers to the starrs . satire . proudus th' art not ( soe far as i can see ) in outward shewe , what inward thou maist bee . although th' art all in raggs , yet i doe finde , vnder those raggs a whole emperiall minde . fewe big-fast lordes : push , of lordes what doe i prate ? fewe kinges cann looke soe bigg as thou of late . in faith ( but i 'me to bould ) hadst thou but pelfe . speake great-smale-man , what would'st thinke on thy selfe ? a man ? a earthly man ? noe : thoughts would breede thou wert engendr●d of some heaunlie seed . i faith , ( but tell mee ) sometimes dust not gesse that iupiter vnto thy mother had accesse ? i know great-thoughted-man by thy lookes straine that such high thoughts , thy braue harte dus maintaine● well still looke great , and one daie thou shalt see , a greate purse to thy lookes , will answer thee , satire . dartus , if thou'dst a courtier learne to be , then take a glasse ; that booke shall straight teach thee . looke in thy glasse , and frowne , or skowle , or smile and shalt see one doo soe an other while , laugh thou , there 's one will laugh : shedd thou a teare a teare ther 's oue will shedd ; i dust thou heare ? thy bodie bow , gape , winke , or nodd thy pate , doe what thou wilt , ther 's one will imitate . to great men ( if thou wilt a courtier bee ) thou must doe , as thy shadowe dus to thee , satire . whyle my apparr●ll was not fine , but plaine , at assus but this stile , could i obtaine . god morrowe sir ; how doe ye sir to daye ? but when in my apparrell i grew gaie , why then god morrowe to your worshipp sir , then 's tongue without a worshipp ne're would stir . but looke when my apparrell was not gaie i certaien was noe worshipp t' haue that daye taylors : sure honourable men you bee , for you men worshippfull can make i see . satire . cvntrey tailors themselues tooth ' court betake , as th' old saying is , but for meere fasshon sake , they goe toth ' courte as manie courtiers goe , vnto the church ; that is to see , or soe more matter on 't what neede i make ? since vp they goe , onely for fashon sake . they make the courte ( for fashon s●ke ) their school● , whereby to fasshon out each contrey foole . satire . wil t bee a serving-man ? thou art not fitt , thy stubborne pate affordes noe reatching witt : if thou would'st soe ; thou must loose learning than , that ornament getts smale forth ' seruing-man . but wilt a states-man serue ? where 's thy braines stretch ? fie , t will not plott , t is naught ; t will not retch . wilt follow his yong sonn ? foole , awaie : fie , examin how thou art in quallitie . canste hawke , hunte ; or haste the hors-mans skill ? canst drabb , dice , drincke , or 's wenching luste fulfill ? if not ? awaie ; awaie : will bee thy cheere , with this adition , what makes this asse heere ? w●lt wait on 's daughter ? ah hah , there 's a lasse : how 's thy humor ? if sadd ? then th' art an asse . canst neither daunce , nor sing ? foole then awaie why quallities is all in all , i saie , if canst not musicke plaie , or dandle pearle or goe ( if sent ) in priuate to an earle , if canst not these doe ? ( credit me or trie ) thou't be reputed of noe quallitie . aw●ie thou 't turned be , ( wantst but those partes ) and held a foole , maugre thy librall artes . satire . de●cend thou monstrous damn'd-deluding gold , into thy fathers black infernall hold , pueilas cold-chast thoughtes had been vnthaud , hadst thou not been , thou most entising baude old fath●rs liues in sonns eyes were noe moates , wert not for thee , thou temp'st 'em cut their throates . thou true-bred feynd right make-bare in these yeres , t is thou setst kinges togeather by theire eares . varlat avaunt , keepe out my sight th' adst beste . else i 'le en-dungeon thee in strong-bar'd cheste . satire . come lord that would-be , i 'le condole with thee , cause what thou wouldst be made , will neuer be . what though thou neuer wast ' foreseiged towne with thunder-threatniug gnnns to gunn it downe● or complete arm'd vppon a fitie steed ? making on euerie side thy foes to bleede . why though thou ne're didst soe , yet lord that would-bee , honour in my minde appertaines to thee . deserues he honour which entrencheth townes ? and he noe honour which entrencheth growndes ? me thinkes hee which in fielde st. george dus crie , deserues noe more , then if 's waie hee did flie . come lord that would●be , gett more cowes & sheepe , and honour will come on you , though you sleepe . satire . talke you with poet-asse sitting in 's seate , you 'le heare him ex'lent , epigrames repeate , demaund him whose they bee , they runn soe fine , he answers straight , fruits of this braine of myne , yet let a well-read poet heare the vaine , hee'lle finde they came out of a bastardes braine . dust heare me poet-asse ? i 'le prophysee , that when th' art mari'd , thou 't a cockould bee : thou fath'rest now things got by other men , what wilt thou doe when thou art mari'd then ? i pry thee good iack-dawe giue each b●rd's owne , that for a plaine iack dawe thou maist be know●● . satire . beare hence my septer and my massie crowne , i cannot beare them but they 'le beare me downe , sadd cares and feares attendeth on them soe , as i their burthens cannot vndergoe . bring me my hooke , my scripp , my flock of sheepe , i long againe that quiet realme to keepe . satire . the printer saies , good bookes doe baddly sell , then myne ( cause badd ( i 'em sure ) must needs take well . but howsoeuer good or badd they bee , to take-well ( lawyers ) let em learne of yee . praie teach em it ; that parte y' are perfectst in , teach em take well : for god sake learne em synn . satire . if vennym'd-mouth'd-fell-bitten zoylus stirr . then whelpe be firce vppon that snarling curr . let him noe sooner grinn , but on him flie , and thou shalt see , his waie , awaie hee 'le hie with 's taile ' tweene's leggs awaie hee 'le scudd & gadd , onely hee 'le barke & howle as he were madd . satire . goe churlish whelpe , awaie goe thou and sleepe , and till i call , againe , thy kennell keepe . thou barkest loud ; too loude thou barkest whelpe , i must haue whippetts now , that doe but yelpe . i hunt noe beastes ; i 'ue altred now my wont , my pleasiur's now the vermin chace to hunt be gone yong curr , yet if fowle swyne doe rout , i 'le whissle then , and then againe come out . an appologie . an idle humor has possest my penn , to writ invectiue 'gainst ill humor'd men . it is not over one , it 's generall . that i haue sprinck'led this my bitter gaule . my gen'rall meaning 's gen'rally to those . whose humors , these badd humors doe disclose . therefore ( i me sure ) the wise , what ere they thinke . if they theire faultes doe see , they 'le see & winke . by others how they 're ta'en , or what they saye , i 'le take noe care , let them themselues bewraye . if anye saies but iuis atyryze asking why men i doe pertick ' larize i answere those , i onely faine a name ; all knowes this kinde of vayne requires the same . i 'ue done noe wrong , i●ue offred none abuse , let them that has soe , seeke & craue excuse . finis . dogges from the antippedes . satire . my angrie whelpe i 'ue turn'd to 's kennell now , fearing faire ladies , that he would feare you . but in his place ( i hope to your delight ) here 's dogges shall be more pleasing in your sight . accept them ladies , in them thre's no harme , each take hir dogge , & beare him in hir arme . satire . ladies , they saie things which be fetched farr , to manie of you , still most pleasing are . i knowing what your humours best require , haue trauail'd farr , to fitt your sweet desire . cause litle doggs your fancie best doe please . i journei'd for them to th'antyppedes . accept them then , such dogges they are i wis , as sweetly will your sweete lippes lick & kisse . satire . vvoemen i 'ue done my worst , toth ' worst of men . but now i 'le occupie on you my penn . praie giue me leaue to doo 't : old chaucers iest with some of you ( i knewe ) agrees with ' best with whom that earnest iest dus best agree let them ( for baudie phrase ) finde fault with mee . satire . matchles mistresse , thou pure vnspotted dame , hadst had one spott , i would haue showne the same . but since thou art , as neuer woman was , i 'le print thee there , where ne're was printed lasse . paper 's too fowle to beare soe faire a parte , therefore i 'le print thy praises in my harte . satire . . to lee morilla in hir coatch to ride , with hir long locke of haire vppon one side , with hart & feather worne i th' swaggring'st guise , with butt'ned bodies skirted dub●●t-wise . vnmask't , and sittith ' boote without a fann , speake : could you iudge hir lesse then bee some man ? if lesse ? then this i' me sure you 'd iudge at leaste , shee was part man , parte woman ; part a beaste . satire . ere long i thinke that deela meanes to trie , if shee like birdes i th' aire can soare & flie . fewe fowles like to this fowle , more feathers weares for on hir head & handes , huge plumes shee beares , and cause shee wil the easlier take hir flight , shee makes hir harte & heeles exceeding light , hir heeles , with lightest corke this light-one stuffes , hir harte , ( through quills of pride ) with winde shee puffes . oh sure shee●le flie , ●nd thus shee 'le make hir flight , from luste his lande , to letchr'ies soyle out-right . satire . i praie you speake is not this tyme growne straunge , when feeble woemen vnto warriours chaunge ? t is not the courte dame lusta doth commend , hir daies 'fore seiged cytties shee will ende . hir humor brookes noe court-like dalliance , but loues th' incounter of true valliance . milke-sopps are men which lulls in ladies sapps , and dare not bide ( like hir ) loud culu'ryn clapps . per-due shee 'le lie , and somtyme centry stand , and kiu'la crie , with fire-lock in hir hand . this is a wench will make all courtiers sham'd , if once hir actes be to their eares but nam'd . i , this is shee which has such seruice showne , as now shee is an auncient-bearer growne . satire . when gillyan and hir gossipps all are met , and in the match of gossipping downe sett , and plaine mas parson cutting bread forth ' table , to tell how faste they talke , my tongue 's not able . one tells straunge newes , tother god-swerbert cries , the third shakes head , the fourth alock replies shee on hir henns , this on hir duckes doe talke , on thousand things at once their tongues shall walke . so long as cockes cann tread , & henns will laie , gill and gills gossippes , will haue wordes to saie . satire . like to a castell is faire kitchin kate , and like the same , sh' was sackt & ●poyl'd of late , a castle 's strongly trencht , & fenc't with stones , kates corpes as strongly fenc't with good whale-bones . a castle hath percullize at each gate , as good a fence as that has bonny kate. shee hath a buske , ther 's noe device more stronge , that once let downe , hir portall takes noe wronge . yet vengaunce take hir watch , had they not slept , kates strongest hold vn-ransakt had been kept . satire . fica's faire : none sees fairer if he winkes , shee 's sweet ; as anie muskatt when shee stinckes to see hir when shee readeth on hir boke , ( i meane hir glasse , ) on which shee oft doth looke , t would make you laugh , naie laugh vntill you weeepe , at th' action shee vnto hir shade dus keepe , now shee 'le smile , now shee 'le gloyt : naie this shee 'le doe , see'le kisse the same , naie seeke t' imbrace it too . yet watt yee what still makes them two to parte ? should i but t●ll't , you 'd laugh ●till breake your harte , t is this : when shee had smil'd & done hir beste , then dus shee frowne , make mouthes , and doe the reste . which when the shade i th' glasse dus doe the like , then shee in radge , dus it a peeces strike . faith speake , deserueth not that glasse a knock that harbours apes , to giue such apes a mock ? satire . why hisband ( quoth misse marchaunt ) wher 's my pynck ▪ oh god! his haire 's not kymmed downe i thinke : come pretty pynck come , thy nowne mistrisse kisse , thy meyster ( pinck ) might thought on thee ere this , feth hisband feth ; i 'me mitch growne in your debt that my sweet puppie you would soe forgett . y' are troubled sore : what he yee else te tend ? you leue to heare me chide , else this yee'd mend . pre will yee fetch●e kemm & kemm him straight , elas sweet mopps , hee 's naught to make thee waite . what , he yee brought it ? feth ye 'r such a one , that lesse ye 'r chidden nothing wil be done , ebout him pre : lard how leysurely yee doo 't , it seemes yee he but litle minde vntoo 't . yet pre now ste : what eyles sweet pynck to groane ? oh! pincke would pisse : pre heue pinck all elone . what hes he don 't ? pre make him cleane agen , end pinck and i , will vntoth ' garden then . so : now hee 's well , but heare yee ? when i 'm gone , i pre bee yee a gadding streight from home . satire . vvhen minta from hir chamber downe descendeth , all things belowe shee straight-waies discommendeth , queanes ( quoth shee : ) how happs my kitchen 's thus disgrac't ? i were not wont to haue a spoone displac't , then straight tooth ' hall , where if a russhe she spies , where haue these slutts been brought-vp lard shee cries ? then faugh shee cries : out on t : what 's this dus smell ? must i bee serued thus ? why maides 't is well . so leauing them , tripping vppon hir toes , into hir shopp , t'ir prentizes shee goes , where if shee sees a boye but looke a wrie , why sauce-box , what stare you on shee 'le crie ? and then shee plies hir worke which is a band , which to bee hemm'd , has hung tenn years in band . satire as iynn and pegg did in their couches lie , thus did sweete pegg yong iynn instructifie , why iynn wutt ne're leaue poring on a booke ? come take a glasse , that 's fitter on to looke , if thou didst know how good bookes dulls the braine , thou 'dst ne're thus booke-it while thou liu'dst againe . doe as thy sister pegg dus , chaine in armes hir sweet-hart bounde with loue-linckt-charmes , reade in his face the pleasing lines of loue , and they thy soule , to sweet delights will mooue . art rising iynn ? i prethee sweete-harte staie , heare mee speake one worde more , and then awaie . thou must not blussh : why this is maidens chart , wee 're priuat girle , wee 'le talke wee care not what . i 'le saie noe harme , i 'le tell thee onely this , what pleaseth woemen beste , and what it is . oh t is man ! who doth possesse a treasure , whose taste ( for sweetnesse ) hath noe measure a treasure wench : such treasures there are none , a iuell 't is : oh had'st thou such a one , thou would'st esteeme it at soe high a rate , as ne're noe iuell was soe pris'd of late . vnto it ( girle ) soure is the sweetest honie , it 's wine toth ' harte , but nector to the — these were the reasons margett did aleadge , which firste did sett faire iynns white teeth an edge , satire . in trothla maides what thouhtes possesseth yee , iuste such-like thoughtes sometimes possesseth mee , myne sometimes wanton are : maides you all knowe that wee that maidens are , our thouhts are soe . to see a gallaunt gape ( maides your mouthes wipe ) to entertaine a faire tobacco-pipe . beleeue me maides , my maiden-thoughts it moues to thinke of what doth passe 'tween two that loues . it at a worde ( oh that i might come at hir ) dus make my maiden-mouth o're-flowe with water . satire some thinkes that vardingales that 's monstrous wide , at firste invented were onely for pride , but truely none that thinketh soe as this , but gesse ( beleeue me ) too too much a misse , for they ( i certainely it 's soe surmi'sd , ) for these three reasons were at firste deui'sd . firste , for hott girles that subiect are to sweate , it letts vp aire whereby to coole theire heat . then for the girle whose bumm standeth not right , ( tough hopper-tail'd ) yet that will hide it quite . but cheifly dus the wench , who through an itch , has gott : alas i scratch a — t is shee i saie that wears it not for pride for shee ( god wott ) cann neuer hate too wide ; she must haue trickes , ( i deale too plaine to scoffe ) to beare vp cloathes , else they 'd rubb plaisters off . satire . vvhen seelas taylor measure came to take , of hir smale bodie , bodies new to make they disagreed ( yet time did giue them leasure ) how shee should stand , when hee should take hir measure ▪ hee 'd haue hir vp-right stand , or else hee should ne're fitt hir bodie with a perfect moulde , but shee not likeing it , made this replie , i 'le haue my bodie measur'd as i lie . and full of bones i 'de haue my bodies bee , the bones sticht in , and quilted well quoth shee . now if thou think'st my bodies thou canst fitt , i prethee honest tayle-hir measure it . the man mistakeing still hir meaning quite lyes on hir more , to haue hir stande vp-right ▪ but shee ( hoping to beat it in his braine ) the second time replies to him againe . tayler quoth shee , i 'me sure that i shall finde bodies made like thine fitting'st to my minde , noe other measure for my bodie take , but by thy bodie , my newe bodies make . alas quoth hee those bodies ne're will fitt . ah asse quoth shee , that noddies had but witt then might my bodie , bodies haue right good , and easlye i m●ght haue been vnderstood . ' waie hence ( quoth shee ) thou art some botching noddy , that canst not measure right a womans bodie . satire ▪ if gossippes once be gott to sitt and prattle . it 's needles then to bidd their tongues to tattle . woe to their husbandes , for alas poore men ▪ it's onely they shall smart and paie for 't then . one by hir troth-la sweares how shee dus finde , hir husband growne alreadye much vnkinde , for let mee aske him but a toy to giue , hee 'le snapp me vp , with lett 's learne firste to liue , i badd him buie ( quoth shee ) shooes that would creake , yet did hee not : oh ! this would make one speake . i chardg'd him buie mee hose quoth shee of redd , hee bought em blewe : i , i , hee 'd haue mee dead : i gossipps i , ther 's none soe matcht as i , then straight waies put shee finger into eye . at which : gossipps : saies one , you gri●e to soone , another tells hir , yet t is honny-moone , a thirde stepps vp : for sooth quoth shee they saie that wee must hus●ands honour & obaie , but had wee strength , i halfe the strength of men , it should be seene quoth shee : ifaith-lathan . and there shee stopps , setting hir teeth soe close , as if shee fear'd hir madd-tongue would breake loose . the fourth more wise : saies weake-ones must toth ' wall , wee 're borne to beare quoth shee : le●ts put vp all . and then the bowle , the gossipps bowle ginnes walke , but that once off : againe their tongues must talke . satire . when as my creame is sowre , i straight-waies meet with suger which dus make my sowre creame sweete , and when my drinke is sowre , or that waies blame , i meet with twentie things to mende the same . but faith doe what i cann , yet for my life , i cannot mende the sowrenes of my wife . yet honny'd termes vppon hir eu'rie howre i duelie powre : yet still my wife is sowre . may not i doubt hir sowrenes ne're will fleete , when such sweet thinges wantes powere to make hir sweeete . satire . at this time liba tha'dst noe neede to weepe , hadst had the witt but of a sillie sheepe , couldst not thou marke whereon that harmeles beast dus howrely chuse to make hir daiely feast ? shee 's sildome seeue the tale long grasse deuowre : and why ? because t is ranck & allwaies sowre . but on the short : with which when shee dus meete on that shee feedes ; and why ? because 't is sweete . ah liba hadst ath ' sheepe but learned this , thy tall man had not had thee then i wis . faith wench , hadst but a lowe man halfe an houre , thou 'dst tell mee all that 's tall , are rancke & soure , satire . i must distill my witts best quintessence , to carractrise the wisdome of wise prudence , hir worthy actes are of such noble fame , as i 'le haue hall to cronicle the same . you long to heare hir deedes ? i knowe you doe : will you be silent then ? well then goe toe . shee 'fore hir father , mother , folkes and all , settes vp hir legg ath'mantle-tree i th' wall , quoth shee now father i 'le doe wonders great , the old folkes hearing that ( with feare ) gann sweat , shee seeing that , shee bidds them nothing doubt . for i ( quoth shee ) will onely pufft this fire out . and therewithall shee lett forth such a — that halfe the spacious world ( for feare ) gan start oh here 's a girle to liue i th' common-weale , who cann defend it with hir very taile . satire . nothing's hard vnto a minde that 's willing , it 's seene by winda in hir nightly drilling , harke musketeers : if mnsketeers you le make , and learne all posternes right , hir course but take , shee eu'ry night as in hir bedd shee lies , dus all hir posternes , 'fore shee e're let flies , shee cockes , shee tries hir match , shee gardes hir pann , which done , sh'ungardes it , and presentes it than , and with as good a grace as you 'd desire shee blowes hir match , and brauely then giues fire . then dus shee caste about , prune & blowe , rechardge & to hir former posternes goe . souldiers ; drilling's not hard , if you 'd doe soe . satire . for certen , yet in woemen ther 's some sweet , with which wee blinde-men yet could neuer meet , by reason naturall it must be soe . to proue the same let 's to the bee-hiue goe , why did dame nature giue the bee a sting ? some reasons sh 'ad to giue hir such a thing . and place it in hir ta●le ( men marke the case ) the prettie bees sweetst best & ritchest place , hir reason why shee plac't it in hir taile , was this ( if my opinion doe not faile ) because that place hir treas'rie is : in which lies all hir wealth : for bees be sweetly ritch . now as with stinges dame nature made the bee , soe woemen hath shee made with st●nges wee see , for all their heades ( i hope i doe none wrong ) containeth stings : if not a stinge , a tongue , but let vs term 't a stinge ; for it will prick , and hee that striues with it , gainst thornes dus kick : they hauing stinges , noe question if wee search , shall honny finde where those sharpe stinges doe pearch . yet as you doe , doe not , for men you 'le faile , if bee-like for the sweete , you search the ( ) satire . milda ? since you betooke your self to wiue , i hope y 'aue tane the skillfulst tricks to thriue . the time was milda when your slender back , ( to couer it ) a gowne well-nie did lack . but now , nor gowne , nor nothing else you want , what can you aske ? but straight it has a graunt . manie maidens , manie things would choake , had they ( as you haue ) milda such a cloake . for doe you heare ? it may not be denaied but cloakes fitts wiues , when they 'le not doe a maide yet milda faith i speake it to your grace , you should haue chose your cloake with better face . satire a ladie fairer farr then fortunate , ( in dauncing ) thus o'reshott hirselfe of late , the musick not in tune , pleas'd not hir minde , for which : shee with the fidlers fault did finde . fidlers quoth shee , your fidles tune for shame . but as shee was a speaking of the same , ( to mend the consort ) let shee did a ( ) whereat the fidling knaues thus did hir greete maddam your pipe 's in tune , it plaies most sweete , strike vp quoth they , ( but then the knaues doe smile ) and as you pipe , wee 'le daunce an other while . at which , awaie the blusshing ladie flinges , but as shee goes , hir former noates shee singes . satire . welthus , none of your daughters that i sawe , but halfe did tempt mee be your sonne in lawe : and iuste but halfe : for euer i did see , in eech of them , somwhat to alter mee . kates virtues my affection much did moue . but streight hir crookednesse did quench that loue . black sues great portion made mee wish hir well , but thinking on hir pride my loue straight fell . besse for hir bewtie i could much affect , but besse wantes witt , that made mee besse reiect , with d●ll for hir housseffrie i could hould , but blame not smale men , much to feare a scould . ellen for hir silence i could loue : but although i hate a scould , i loath a slutt . were nan noe wanton , shee 'd my humor fitt , but nan has wantonnes vnto hir witt , yet wealthus giue me nan , for doe you heare ? with wantonnes ( as most men dus ) i 'le beare . satire . sweet mistresse , i 'le not putt thee ( thou shalt finde ) in this my bookes disgracefulst place behinde , in that place will i toothles liva putt , and flout at hir , cause shee 's soe rancke a slutt . and minsa there i 'le putt , who eates at table , as if to eate at all , shee were not able . hir , there i●le put , cause 'fore ●olkes shee 'le not eate , but in a corner eate vp worldes of meate . likewise i 'le lica put into that place , for cuckolding hir man before his face . but mistresse , you behinde i 'le neuer put , worldes of wealth , shall ne're perswade mee too 't . where ●ouers put their loues , there doe you looke to bee inrouled , and put in my booke : i th' midle , and before , ( cann i doe lesse ? ) there will i put you , my sweet misteresse . where i will write on you ; thinges of delight , thinges fittli'st fitting true-loues appetite . satire . and praie now why is there noe likelyhood that agus should doe his yong wife noe good ? heare my example , and i 'le proue it then . that none please yong girles like these aged men . a yong-man hauing matter to endite , with manie wordes super●●uous hee doth write , loading the paper with much idle stuff , o ' rechardging it with much more then enough . whereas an aged man dus neuer write , but vntoth ' purpose hee dus still endite . what e're ould men doe doe : ( i doe not flatter ) toth ' purpose t is : they roundly goe toth ' matter . and therefore tatlus , why art such a one , to thinke that agus sonne , is not his sonne ? i●st cause the boie is such a chopping ladd ? or cause hee is not hair'd like his old dadd ? if this bee all ? then thou a fault art in , why tatlus , hee is like his mothers kinn , his mother couzens hath : fine proper men , the boie in fauour maie bee like to them . or like his god-fathers the boie may bee , that falls out oft , although noe kinn you see . fie tatlus , ifaith thou hast a slaund rouus tongue , to doe an old-mans yong-wife soe much wrong : why old-mens breath getts boies , it is soe strong . satire . lord , what meane you gossipp ? praie forbeare , my husband noates your often comming here , soe soone as euer hee is gott toth ' plowe , you are here : praie la-bee : what ayle you now ? i will not faith : good-lord y' are such a man , i hope you 'le rest : hee will bee here a nan : y' are such an other : whoo 'd thinke you such a one ? oh! i heare my husband : praie bee gone . la-bee i saie : fie , fie : i praie la-bee , hee 's in the yard , hee 's crying hutt and gee . harke , harke ; ifaith i heare him : oh t is sore ! naibour : sneake out , & i will watch at dore . satire why iohn quoth nan , i praie nowe iohn forbeare : you 'le not a done , ifaith i 'le hitt your eare , whoo 'd bee a chamber-maide ? why iohn ? fie , fie : a done i saie ; ifaith iohn iwill crie , pussh , pussh : praie leaue , another time you shall , why harke ; praie harke : ifaith my mistresse call . shee 'd rise and make hir readie : out alas , how will shee tie hir shoes and want hir glasse ? i 'm in a fine case to goe to hir sir : fie iohn : are not you sham'd to keepe this stirr ? i 'de not ha thought you would haue vs'd mee soe , how is my colour ? fie how i doe blowe ? shame you not to putt mee in this heate ? a handkercher : fie , how my face dus sweat . well , well ▪ ifaith did not i loue you well , of this your wagg'rie to your shame i 'de tell , lord my ruff ! sett it with thy finger iohn , harke , harke ; pies on hir , how shee rapps for nan. fare-well , i 'le tell hir , sh 'as a waggish man , satire i could allowe your suite ; but doe you her● ? my creditt sir : my reputation 's deare , what greater blott could to my credit bee ? then yeilde my loue to such a one as yee . againe you knowe your maister growes of late , to haue a mar'les suspitious ieolous pate . h'immagins what has past : and iohn you knowe , wee haue too open been ; t was longe of you . lett 's charie bee : my deeds shall then approue , that like to thee , none shall attaine my loue . satire . prouda : your father on his death-bedd lies , t is tenn to one , within this howre hee dies . for god-sake prouda while as hee doth liue , goe vnto him ; & his greate faulte forgiue . hee dus desire the same : hee pra●es that hee ( e're die ) to you may reconciled bee . for god-sake prouda let his latest breath make you a mendes : hee 'le seale the same with death . were i a maide , my father should be bould to saie , & saie againe that i were old . alas your father takes it on his death , hee ment noe harme with vtt'ring of that breath . hee vowes , hee little thought to woman-kinde , that saying would haue troubled so their minde . good yong - prouda , now shewe your selfe t' aue witt , and but vnto his death hate him for it . satire . widowes ? your push , nor praie sir stand awaie , noe nor your fie for shame , forbeare i praie , can make a souldier cease his enterprise ; i tell you widowes , souldiers are too wise , they know that breaches into towres are made , to enter them ; whereby the towre t'in●ade . they knowe that asking , shall i enter in ? ● is not the waie a towre , or forte to winn . their discipline is such , they vse smale speech , but with true courage , falls-vpp intoh ' breach . where maugre daungers worste , they 'le make th' adventure , and ( as true spirits should ) brauely enter . they will not with beseechings pray them yeild , for falls they 'le take , but they will winn the field . satire . vvhy matrita , what will it praie boote mee ? to blabb , or tell a ●atling tale of thee , should i gaine ought to saie thou louest iohn ? that smooth-chin'd youth thy fathers serving-man , not for a thousand millions i 'le report , that nightly to his bedd thou dust resort . why , i could tell what trickes hee putts on thee : but they shall neuer be reueal'd for mee , the gettings will but little fill my purse , to tell of thy two children sent to nurse . or tell howe closely e●'rie thing was wrought , as how the mid-wife , blind-folded was brought . ifaith but idle i my selfe should showe , if i should make the world , these secretts knowe . come wench : none shall know 't : bee noe whit dismaiede , some londonier will take thee for a maide . satire . deepe desp'rat daunger in this satire lies , cause desp'rat folkes it dus annotomize . it tells what manner chatt , when woemen meere , they each the other commonly doe greete . kate bidds hir gossipp sitt , which once downe sett , then fall they vnto that , for which they mett . that is to prate as they occasion take . as each occasion for their purpose make , occasion good kinde kate has full enough . to praise hir gossipps fashonable ruffe . hir gossipp sitts not mumm , but sh●e agen , lookes on kates gowne , and much cōmends it then , or on hir hatt , orelse vpon hir tyre , commending ( for the fasshon ) hir high wyre . protesting if hir husband were noe clowne , shee would ( e're long ) haue such a fashon'd gowne . hee has enough ( quoth shee ) and then shee weepes , but mee ( ifaith ( the hogg ) at hard-meat keepes . at which ; hir gossipp kate comforts hir then , and tells hir there 's noe best amongst these men . t is thought that i quoth shee lead a good life , but gossipp , gossipp , since i were his wife , god knowes it gossipp ( speake to you i maie ) i haue endur'd manie a stormie daie , and then dus too-kinde kate a crying fall , at ende of which ▪ shee curseth man-kinde all . yet faith quoth shee why should wee fre●t at man ? they 'le all be naught , lett vs do● what wee cann . i , quoth hir gossipp , they bee crabby elues , but let ts be wise , & make much of our selu●s . and then the custardes fetcht to cheare the harte , at eating which , they 'le laugh vntill they — satire . my ruf-rude penn would women fayne befrend conld it but finde one worthie to commend it findes but one , my mistres is that one else had this barren world afforded none yet ne're-seene-shee howe shall i sett hir forth ? containes in hir a treble world of worth . satire . ambitious girle , why altred i my state ? howe sowre's my life to what it was of late while i in cottadge did my selfe containe poore simple i , knewe nothinge that was vaine then might i gam som bee with modestie yet vnsuspected rest , from ieolosie the milk-maydes life , oh happ'ire t' is i weene then is the life to be an emprours queene . satire . because madd girles i knowe what you loue best out of my loue you see i 'ue gott you prest if there b● faultes escap't , i doe not feare : i knowe with presse-scapt-faultes you vse to beare i loue you girles , then howe could i doe lesse ? then putt you ( sin● i loue you ) intooth presse . satire . by putting other women intooth presse a kind of loue to them i did expresse because that most of them are pleased best when by theire loues they most of al are prest but thou my loue : ( my hart is knowne to thee ) by none but by my selfe shalt pressed be all workes i write on thee , ( if there 's noe let ) i will my selfe those workes both print and set sweet wench , soe styf my loue shall stand to thee as i will sett , prynt , presse and write on thee . satire . women , you terme me idle : i confess , my idle workes doth shewe i am noe less but nowe my idle worke i will laie by to praie you better occupyd ' then i ill occupid ' i am ; and cause t' is ill otherwise ( as you bee ) occupyd ' i will. satire . you little dogges , my farr-fetcht merchaundize my sweetest foystes , my thinges of highest prize harke to the chardge i shall impose on you not onelie harke , but see the same you doo such as shall vse you well : doggs vnto such be fawninge on ; of them still make you much if anie rates or kickes at you : then harke at them turne you agen , and grynn and bark but see that you with bytinge none assayle exceptinge those whoo 'd haue you lick the tayle th●s●●nelie byte : i that place byte a good d●● soe your fanges , as yf they were all blood . satire . cease whippets nowe , noe more a barkinge keepe be quiet dogges , the ladies will goe sleepe commit them to theire rest ; and doe yee hatke if pryvate freinds come to them , doe not bark ava●t you currs ; commit them to theire ease and scudd yon back to your antipedes . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e * i meane ●oe ●urse apokolokyntosis. or a mockery upon the death and deification of claudius cæsar written in latine by lucius annæus seneca the philosopher. imprimatur, junii . . roger l'estrange. seneca, lucius annaeus, ca. b.c.- a.d. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing s a estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) apokolokyntosis. or a mockery upon the death and deification of claudius cæsar written in latine by lucius annæus seneca the philosopher. imprimatur, junii . . roger l'estrange. seneca, lucius annaeus, ca. b.c.- a.d. [ ], p. printed by william godbid, london : . the first word of the title is in greek characters. imperfect; pages cropped, faded print with slight loss of print. reproduction of the original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng caesar, julius -- early works to . satire, latin -- translations into english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion ΑΠΟΚoΛΟkΥΝΤoΣΙΣ . or a mockery upon the death and deification of claudius caesar. written in latine by lucius annaeus seneca the philosopher . imprimatur , iunij . . roger l'estrange . london , printed by william godbid . . to the reader . this book is intituled ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥΝΤΟΣΙΣ , wherein seneca exceedingly derides the pretended deification of claudius caesar , and , by the way , scoffs at the whole apotheofis of the romans and graecians , upon occasion of that of claudius , who fell into a lingring consumption by eating mushroms , his usual dish , poysoned with coloquintida , by the instigation of his wife agrippina , but by the subtlety of a noble woman , mistris of that art. claudius son of drusus germanicus , succeeding caius in the empire of rome , is recorded to have been a prince no lesse cruel than foolish ; insomuch that his mother antonia was wont to call him a monster of men , whom nature had begun● not perfected : and when she tax'd any man of much foolishnesse , would say , he was more sottish than her son claudius . his grandmother augusta alwayes thought him most despicable , would never admonish him but by messages , or by short & sharp letters . his sister livilla , when she heard he was to be emperour , would openly lament the deplorable condition of the people of rome . this man lucius annaeus seneca hath here painted forth in his proper colours ; and perhaps was the more bitter , in revenge of the banishment he sustained under him : though afterward agrippina , being then marri●● ●o claudius , that she might not be famous only for wick●d acts , interceded for seneca , and obtained not onely ●is release , but his preferment to the praetorship ; con●eiving it would be no lesse grateful to the publick , in ●egard of his fame for learning , then advantageous to ●er , intending to use his help in the education of her son domitian , and his advice in advancing him to the empire ; for she believed ( as tacitus sayes ) he would be a friend to her in respect of that benefit , and an ene●y to claudius in regard of that injury . this may serve ●o declare the authour's scope in writing this facetious tract ; which is so opposite to the usual gravity of se●eca , that it hath been doubted by some to be his : but ●he unquestionable assertions of so many ancient testimo●ies must needs remove that scruple . and because the book hath never yet worn an english livery , but hath ●een totally omitted by the translator of the rest of his works , as a tract more busy and difficult , interwoven ●ith various and acute verses , it was the rather under●aken for satisfaction of some private friends , without ●hought of troubling the world with it . the copies ●hich are transmitted to us do without all doubt so differ ●rom the original , that they will scarce admit of sense ●n many places ; and they who attempt the reconciliati●n do but quarrel among themselves : yet in the most dif●●cult passages the present translator makes use of some ●f their castigations , not with much approbation , but for ●ant of better , being unwilling to be too laborious in ●●ifles . ΑΠΟΚΟΛΟΚΥΝΤΟΣΙΣ . or a mockery upon the death and deification of claudius caesar , &c. what pass'd in heaven before the third day of the ides of october , asinius marcellus and acilius aviola being consuls , in that new year which gave beginning to a most happy age , i will now declare : nor shall any thing proceed either from injury or favour . but if i be ask'd , how i know it to be true : first , unlesse i please , i will not answer . who shall constrain me ? i know i recover'd my liberty when he dy'd , who verifi'd the proverb , he must be born a tyrant or a fool. if i list to answer , i 'll speak what comes in my head : who ever required an oath of an historian ? but if i must needs produce my authour , ask him who saw drusilla ascend to heaven : the same saw claudius take his journey thither , though not with equal pace . whether he will or not , he must see what 's done in heaven . he is the supervisor of the appian way , which thou knowest augustus and tiberius took when they went to the gods. if thou enquir'st of him , he 'll whisper to thee alone , but if others be present , will not speak a word ; for since he swore in the senate he saw drusilla ascend to heaven , and no man gave any credit to so good news , he affirm'd in plain terms , that if he saw a man kill'd in the very market-place , he for his part would not tell it . what i heard from this man , i relate for truth , so happy and sincere do i esteem him . now phoebus had abridg'd his rising light , and the time sooner did to sleep invite . and now prevailing cynthia her reign improv'd , and fruitfull autumn did complain of winter's sad approach , which so bereft the vines , few grapes the vintager found left . i think it would be better understood , if i said the month of october , or the third day of the ides thereof . i cannot tell justly the hour ; philosophers agree more easily then clocks : but it was between six and seven . poets are too tedious in their descriptions ; they cannot be content to describe the rising and setting of the sun , but they will also disturb mid-day . wilt thou also thus pass over so good an hour ? sol now had pass'd the middle part of heaven , and to his bending steeds the reins had given , and towards night his flaming charriot driven . the soul of claudius began to forsake his body , but could not find the way out : when mercury , who ever delighted in his wit , calling forth one of the three fatal sisters , said , why , cruel vvoman , dost thou suffer this wretched man to be so tormented , who , alas , never deserv'd it ? it is now the sixty and fourth year since he struggled with his soul. vvhy does thy envy deny him death ? permit astrologers to tell at last the truth , who from the time he was made prince , every year , every month , have been carrying him to his grave . and it is no wonder they err'd ; no man knew the hour of his nativity : for , indeed , no man ever thought him born . do what ought to be done . give him to death , and in a better sort to reign permit him in an empty court. but clotho reply'd , i was willing , i confesse , to respite his death , till he had made those few that remain , citizens of rome : for he resolv'd to see all the graecians , french , spaniards , and britans , become cown-men . but since thou art pleased that some strangers be left to propagate their race , and that thou so command●st , it shall be done . then opened she a box , and took out three spindles ; the fi●st belonged to augurinus , the second to baba , the third to claudius . these three ( said she ) in one year , and in a little distance of time , i will command to die : for i will not send him away unaccompany'd . it is not fit that he who lately saw so many thousand people before , behind and round about him , should be suddenly left alone . in the mean time he must be content with the society of these . this said , she from her spindle pull'd a thread , which shew'd the foolish king would soon be dead . but lachesis with hair entwined round , and with a fresh pierian laurel crown'd , took up a handfull of pure wooll , and wrought with such a happy hand , that it was brought to turn from common wooll to burnisht gold. the change her sisters wonder'd to behold . nor could they stay , to work they all agreed , and found the golden age did thence proceed . the task was easy , with small labour done : for presently such happy yarn was spun , the woof whereof they truely might presage would out-live tithon's , or old nestor's age : phoebus assisted with his songs , and joy'd at future good ; his hands were oft imploy'd , sometime to help them work , and other while with his sweet harp their labour to beguile . and while they heard him sweetly sing and play , they found their work went easilier away : taking such pleasure in his musick then , that it surpass'd the destinies of men. phoebus then said , o sisters , let my prayer move you to take this prince into your care , and beyond mortal age his dayes t' advance , for he resembles me in countenance , and feature too ; nor does he come behind for voice , and instruments of any kind . he happy times for wretched men shall cause , and shall break off the silence of the laws . as lucifer , when stars from sight refrain , or hesperus , when stars return again ; or as the morning when day first appears , and sol with graceful looks the sad earth chears : so caesar comes , and so shall rome behold her nero with a face of heavenly mold , and with bright hair that does his neck infold . thus far apollo . but lachesis , who of her self favoured this gallant person , was so bountiful to nero , as to adde to his , many of her own years . in the mean time they all bid claudius adieu , and wishing him good luck , pray'd him to hasten out of his palace . so he stirted out his soul in a fit of wind , and seemed to live no longer . he dy'd whilest he was hearing comoedians , that thou mayst know i have some reason to fear them . the last words he was heard to utter , when he sent out a great sound from that part where he could more readily speak , were , out alas ! i think i have bewray'd my self . i know not what he then did ; but i am sure he bewray'd all things else . what was afterward done upon earth is needless to declare , you know it sufficiently ; publick joy hath deeply imprinted it in our memories : no man can forget his own felicity . hear now what was done in heaven : let the author's credit gain belief . it was told iupiter , that a certain person was come , of a good stature , somewhat gray , and threatned i know not what , for he continually shook his head , and drew his right leg after him : and being ask'd of what nation he was , answer'd in such a confus'd tone , and with so disturb'd a voice , his language could not be understood ; and that he was neither graecian nor roman , nor of any known countrey . iupiter commanded hercules ( who had travail'd all the world over , and seem'd to know all nations ) to go and inquire what kind of man he was . hercules went ; and indeed was somewhat troubled at first sight of him , though he fear'd no monster ; beholding an unusual countenance , and a gate seldom seen , and hearing a voice not like any earthly creature , but like some sea-monster , hoarse and inward , he look'd for a thirteenth labour to be impos'd upon him : but eying more strictly , he seem'd to be as it were a man. he therefore accosted him , and , what was easie to one that understood a little greek , said , what art thou ? whence come'st thou ? what is thy name ? when claudius heard this , he rejoyc'd to find there men that lov'd learning , and began to hope the histories he writ would be in some esteem : and intimating himself to be caesar , utter'd this verse of homer , into ciconia by a furious blast i driven was , when i from troy had past . but what follows is as much homer , & is more true ; where i the city and the state did both together ruinate . and indeed he had put hercules to his non-plus , being a person little skilful in retorts , had not febris been there , who leaving her temple came alone with him : all the rest of the gods and goddesses he left at rome . this man , said she , tells meet fables . i who liv'd with him many years assure you he was born at lions , and owes his privilege to munatius . what i tell ye is true , he was born at lions , fifteen miles from vienna : he is a right french-man , and therefore as became a french-man he took rome . i present him for the same born at lions where licinius rul'd long . and thou hercules , who hast trod over more countreys then an ordinary mule , must needs know men of lions , and that xanthus and rhodanus are many miles distant . claudius here grew angry , and with as much murmuring as he could make began to chafe . what he said no man understood ; but he commanded f●bris to be carry'd away , and with his hands opened , being strong enough to do what was usual with him when he caus'd mens heads to be struck off , he commanded them to cut off her head . thou would'st have thought them all his enfranchis'd creatures , so little did they regard what he said . then hercules , hear me , said he , thou fellow ; leave playing the fool : thou come'st hither where mice eat iron . tell me the truth quickly , or i 'll dash out thy shallow brains . and that he might seem more terrible , he became a tragoedian , and said , what place , speak quickly , gave thee birth ? this club shall pound thee else to earth , which many a cruel king hath slain . look that thy answers now be plain : and let me know what clime hath bred , what land produc'd that shaking head . when i went far the realms to view of that three-body'd king i slew , and brought from spain with great renown the noble herd to argos town , i saw a mountain which the sun from east beholds , from whose foot run two rivers , rhone so fam'd for force , and soane uncertain of the course it is to take ; whose slower pace does moisten , not the banks deface . say then , is that thy native place ? this he utter'd stoutly and boldly enough , but had some doubt he might be flapt by a fool . but claudius , when he saw this couragious man , left trifling , for he knew well there was never his like in rome ; and also found that he himself had not such power and favour there : a cock may doe much upon his own dunghil . therefore , as far as he could be understood , he seem'd to say thus , i did hope ( o hercules , who art the most valiant god ) to have had thy assistance : and if i were put to find surety of the knowledge of me , i did expect thy testimony , who know'st me very well : for thou may'st remember , i was he who in thy honour did daily administer justice before thy temple in the months of iuly and october : and thou know'st how much misery i endured , in sitting to hear the lawyers plead night and day ; into whose hands hadst thou fallen , though thou beest very stout , thou wouldst rather have cleans'd again the augean stables , so much more dung did i rake up . well , said hercules , i am content to be thy patron , because i will : and then brake into the assembly of demi-gods who were consulting about claudius : who murmuring at it , said , it is no wonder thou rushest into the court , no place is shut from thee . but tell us now what god thou would'st have him . an epicurean he cannot be , for he has no employment himself , nor gives any to others . a stoick god ? how can he be , as varro says , round and perfect , having neither head nor prepuce ? 't is true , he hath something of a stoick , for we see he hath neither brains nor head : yet he might justly have desired this favour of saturn , whose feast he celebrated all the year long . but caius caesar would never endure it , in regard he sought what he could to kill lucius syllanus his son in law , whom he condemned of incest . and why , i pray ? because he desir'd that his sister ( being one of the sprightfull'st women in the city , and was therefore called venus ) should be styl'd iuno . he would not seem to tolerate incest at rome , though it were permitted in the half degree at athens , and in the whole at alexandria ; because , as he said , at rome mice lick mil-stones . this man would teach us to make crooked things straight . what he does in his chamber we know not ; but he searches all the corners of heaven , and would be made a god : he thinks it a small matter to have a temple in britain , where the barbarians give him divine honour , erecting , as it were , an altar to his eternal dominion . at length iupiter finding the matter agitated with confus'd interlocutions among inferiour gods , advis'd them to dispute no longer , and wish'd every one that had interest in that assembly to declare his opinion . i , fathers conscript , saith he , have permitted you to deliver your judgements in this sublime court , which you have made no better then a thatch'd house . i will have the ancient discipline observ'd . this man , whatsoever he is , what will he think of us ? claudius being withdrawn , first father ianus was ask'd his opinion ; who being very subtle , was made afternoon-consul in the calends of iuly , and alwayes looks both before and behind at once . he having been conversant in courts of justice , was very eloquent , and spake so much that the scribe of the court could not set down all , and therefore i do not repeat it , lest i should put what he said into other words . he spake much of the greatness of the gods , and that so high honour ought not to be given promiscuously . it was wont to be counted a great matter to be made a god ; you have lessened the reputation of it . and therefore , said he , that i may not in my sentence look so much upon the person as the matter , i advise that none henceforth be made a god that eats the fruits of the earth , or whom the fertile earth in any sort nourishes . whosoever , contrary to this act , shall be made , feign'd , or be painted a god , let him be thrown to hobgoblins , and at the next prize to be play'd by the new fencers , let him be soundly whipt . the next that delivered his judgement was the son of vica pota , who was also design'd a small bankier consul ; formerly he subsisted by traffique , and in petty cities sold jars of oyle . hercules stept handsomely to him , and rounded him in the ear . he then said , since divine claudius was near in blood to divine augustus , who no less then he did sollicit the deification of his grandmother augustae and did indeed far excel all mortal men in wisdome ; and that it is expedient for the common good , to have one who can with romulus devour boyling turneps ; my judgement is , that claudius be made a god in as ample manner and with as good right as others were made before him ; and that this miracle be added to the metamorphoses of ovid. the opinions were various , and claudius seemed to have most votes . for hercules , who saw his own iron in the fire , ran up and down from one to another , saying , envy not me the honour of this work ; i am concern'd in it : when you have occasion i shall requite the courtesie : one hand washes another . then stood up sacred augustus to deliver his opinion ; which he did with very much eloquence . fathers conscript , said he , i call you to witnesse that since i was made a god , i have not spoken a word here : i always mind my owne businesse . but i can no longer dissemble nor contain my sorrow which my modesty makes greater . for this cause i made peace at land and sea , furnish'd the city with laws , and adorn'd it with stately buildings . what to say , grave fathers , i cannot tell : no words are sufficient to d●clare my indignation . i must make use of the expression of messala corvinus an eloquent man : he hath cut in sunder the majesty and jurisdiction of the empire . this man , fathers conscript , that seems to us scarce able to fright away a fly , has chopt off mens heads with as much facility as a dog eats tripes . but how can i relate his many cruelties ? i have not leisure to lament publick calamities when i look upon my own domestick miseries . those therefore i will omit , and these rehearse . though phormea understands little greek , yet i doe , and remember the proverb , indignation hardly grows old . he whom you see lurking so many years under my name , in requital hath kill'd two julia's my nephew's daughters , the one with the sword , the other with famine : and also my nephew's nephew lucius syllanus . consider , jupiter , the cause being so wicked , and which concerns you near , whether this man shall remain with us . tell me , divine claudius , why thou didst condemn any of these of either sex without hearing , or taking cognizance of the cause . has this been usually done in heaven ? certainly it was never done . we know that jupiter , who hath reign'd here so many years , only broke the thigh of one vulcan , and taking him by the foot threw him out of heaven , and being angry with his wife , hung her between heaven and earth to punish her . but did he kill her ? thou slew'st messalina , to whom i was great vncle as well as to thee . thou wilt say thou * know'st not . the curse of the gods light on thee : so much more shameful it is that thou know'st not then that thou didst it . this man ceased not to prosecute caius caesar after his death : he slew his father in law , this his son in law . caius caesar would not permit the son of crassus to be styled the great : this man restor'd his name and took off his head . he slew in one house crassus the great , scribonia , tristonia , and assario , all nobles : but crassus such a fool , as he might have reigned as well as he . consider , fathers conscript , what a monster sues to be made a god : will you now make him ? behold his body form'd to despight the gods. in brief , let him pronounce but three words together , in any reasonable sort , and i will be content to become his slave . who will adore this god ? who will believe him to be so ? in conclusion , while you make such gods , you your selves are not thought to be gods. the summe of all is , grave fathers , if i have behaved my self honestly among you , if i have not been uncivil to any , revenge my wrongs ; i for my part pronounce this as my opinion , [ and then read out of a table-book ] since divine claudius hath slain appius syllanus his father in law , his two nephews , pompey the great , and lucius syllanus , crassus father in law to his daughter , an honest man , and as like him as one egge is to another , scribonia mother in law to his daughter , and messalina his wife , and so many beside that it is endlesse to recount them ; he ought to be severely punished , and to be allowed no appeal , but to be carried hence , and within thirty dayes to leave heaven , and within three olympus . all the gods rose to confirm this judgement : and without expecting further order , cyllenius took him by the wry neck , and dragg'd him towards hell , from whence they do maintain none can return again . while they descended by the broad way , mercury askt what that concourse of people meant , whether it were claudius his funeral . and truly it was as glorious a shew as could be seen , set out with so much pomp , that it appeared the funeral of a god : such variety there was of trumpets , cornets , and hoeboys . claudius heard the noise : all men rejoyced and were merry , the people of rome found they were at liberty . agatha and a few petty-foggers heartily lamented ; the lawyers came out of their holes , pale and meager , scarce able to breath , like men newly recovered from a trance . one of the company seeing the lawyers lay their heads together bewailing their fortune , drew near and said , i told you saturn 's feast would not alwayes last . claudius when he saw his funeral perceived himself to be dead ; for they chanted with a loud voice this funeral elegy . let your sighs and tears abound , let cryes fly the palace round , at least feign a mournful sound ; since so brave a man , whose head was with wisdome fraught , is dead , the earth none like him eve● bred . in swift races he excell'd , his light dart the persians quell'd , and the parthians who rebell'd . he his foes did overthrow , taught the medes his strength to know , and their painted backs to show . britans and the irish , plae'd beyond known seas , he soon chas'd : they to bear his yoke made hast . the ocean , which no bounds saw , to obedience he , did draw , and to yield to roman law. plenteous tears for him provide , who , though hearing but one side , sometimes neither , causes try'd . what iudge will there now be found that will sit the whole year round , and give sentence without ground ? minos iudge of souls below , t' whom a hundred cities owe homage , will his seat forgo . but , o you of venal race , lawyers , now in this sad case , beat your breasts and weep apace . poets too , who ●aeke great pains , though , alas , with little gains , vent your sorrows in fresh strains . you , 'bove all , grown rich by play , shaking th'elbow night and day , never put your grief away . claudius was much delighted with his praise , and would fain have heard more : but talthybius , messenger of the gods , laid hands on him , and covering his head that he might not be known , led him by campus martius , and between tiber and the close way descended towards hell. narcissus , his enfranchis'd servant , went before the direct way to entertain his patron ; and when he came near , he ran to him all neat and trim as out of a bath , and said , what ? do gods mix with men ? hasten ( said mercury ) and give advertisement of our coming . narcissus would have complemented longer with his lord , but mercury admonished him with his rod , and again bid him make hast . no sooner had he spoken , but narcissus hastned as if he ha● flown . the passage is steep and easie of descent , and therefore though he were gouty , he came in a moment to the gates of plut●● ; where lay ( as horace sayes ) that hundred-headed beast , which presently rose and shook his bristled crest . narcissus , who used to play with a little white beagle , was in a kind of fear when he saw a dog so black and shaggy , that one would be loath to meet him in the dark , and cry'd , claudius caesar is come . and behold , a multitude came singing with acclamations , we have him , let us rejoyce . in this company were c. silius , design'd consul , iunius praetorius , sextus trullus , marcus helvius , trogus , cotta , teclus , valens tabius , whom narcissus had caused to be executed . in the midst of this troop of singers was maestor the pantomime , whom claudius for comlinesse sake had made leaner . the news was presently carry'd to messalina , that claudius was arrived . first of all came flocking his freed-men , polybius , miron , harpocras , ampheus , and pheronactes , whom he had sent before , that he might not want servants in any place . after them came two praefects , iustus catonius , and ruffus , pompey's son. then came his friends , saturnius luscius , pedo pompeius , lupus , and celer asinius , who had been consuls . and last of all , his brother's daughter , his sister's daughter , his father in law , his mother 〈◊〉 law ; all his near allies came to meet him : whom whe● claudius saw , he cry'd out , behold , all places are full of my friends . how came you hither ? pedo pompeius reply●d , what say'st thou , bloody man ? do'st thou ask how ? who but thy self hath sent us hither , thou murderer of all thy friends ? come let us go , i 'll shew thee the iudgement-seat : and then brought him to the tribunal of aeacus . he it was who , by virtue of the cornelian law enacted against murderers , inform'd against them , and made their processe ; and now desir'd to have his name register'd as the accuser of claudius ; that he had murdered thirty senators , three hundred and fifteen roman knights , and of other people , the number infinite , like sand or dust. claudius being much dismay'd , cast his eyes about to find an advocate to speak for him , but found at present none . at length publius petronius , who was wont to eat at his table , a man well vers'd in the claudian language , appeared , and desir'd to be admitted his defender , but was refus'd . pedo pompeius accus'd him with great vehemency ; petronius seemed willing to answer for him . aeacus , a most just man , having heard but one side , condemned him , and said , if he suffer what he hath done to others , the judgement is just . a great silence was made . all were astonish'd and wondred at the newnesse of the thing , saying , the like was never done . claudius thought it more just then new . it was long debated what kind of punishment should be inflicted . some mov'd , that if the gods would be pleased to release the punishment of one , either tantalus might be freed of his thirst , whereof he would else die , or sisyphus of the burthen of his stone , or ixion have his wheel stopt . but it was resolv'd that none of the condemned persons should be discharg'd , lest claudius himself might afterwards expect like favour . they agreed that a new punishment should be devis'd , that some fruitlesse labour should be impos'd upon him , and a kind of desire , without end or effect . then aeacus pronounced that he should play at dice with a bottomlesse box : and now he began to cast dice to no purpose , for they still dropt out at the wrong end . as oft as he prepared was to cast , shaking the box , the dice fell out as fast . and putting them into the box again , like one that play'd , he found he play'd in vain : for still the dice slipt thorough and were gone . so sisyphus with many a heavy grone to the hill-top bears his returning stone . caius caesar now appeared , and claimed him in ●ight of bondage , producing witnesses who saw him box'd and beaten with rods and cudgels by him . he was adjudg'd to caius caesar , to whom aeacus gave him : he gave him to menander his manumitted servant , to help him to frame indictments . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e here seneca was but an ill augur . * after he had put her to death , he sent for her to supper , princeps rhetoricus or pilomachia· ye combat of caps. drawn forth into arguments, general and special. in usum scholæ masonensis : et in gratiam totius auditorii mercurialis. [mason, john, of cambridge]. this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason e _ ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing m a thomason e _ estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; :e [ ]) princeps rhetoricus or pilomachia· ye combat of caps. drawn forth into arguments, general and special. in usum scholæ masonensis : et in gratiam totius auditorii mercurialis. [mason, john, of cambridge]. [ ], , [ ], - p. printed for h.r. at the three pigeons in s. pauls church-yard, london : . foreword signed: j.m., i.e. john mason. an academic satire. the first eight words of title are xylographic; the fourth is in greek characters. annotation on thomason copy: "ffebr. th"; the in imprint date is crossed out and the date altered to . reproduction of the original in the british library. eng universities and colleges -- curricula -- humor -- early works to . satire, english -- th century. a r (thomason e _ ). civilwar no princeps rhetoricus or pilomachia· ye combat of caps.: drawn forth into arguments, general and special. in usum scholæ masonensis : et in g [mason, john, of cambridge] f the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the f category of texts with or more defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - robyn anspach sampled and proofread - robyn anspach text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion princeps rhetoricus or {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} ye combat of caps . drawn forth into argvments , general and special . in usum scholae masonensis : et in gratiam totius auditorii mercurialis . veni , vide . nella {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} la {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . london , printed for h. r. at the three pigeons in s. pauls church-yard . . duci rhetorico , et toti decentiarum satellitio , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . salve peculium dulce-triste meum , suavissima maceries ; egovobis commendo haec principis rhetorici argumenta ; quasi multum in parvo ; * nam de integra fabulâ conclamatum est . ne igitur totus pereat princeps noster , decerpsi ( quasi rediviva principis hippolyti membra ) haec quae sequuntur collectanea , ut fiat virbius quid plura ? state vos in procinctu virtutis , nobilitatis , eloquentiae & religionis . fiat . valete . j. m. chori princeps rhetorici . the schoole moderator : or , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . the combat of caps , decemb. . . the whole draught of the invention moves upon two principall hinges : . the maine plot , or {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . . the counter-plot , or {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . the first designes forth the orders of the place in point of government ; the other , the didacticall part , in way of method , thus , in order following . . the maine plot represents the fundamentall discipline in ordine ad regimen usitatum loci : and is wrapt up in the first part of the title , ( princeps rhetoricus ) in relation to the authority of the schoole prince , his five seniors , and twelve sub-seniors or keepers , throughout the whole yeere , and consisteth of two dramaticall parts : . citement . . inditement . the citement summons the officers , seniors , sub-seniors , and juniors in the five first classes , at the instalment of their prince . the inditement belongs to the fresh-men and sub-juniors of the fift and sixt forme , according as they stand severally charged by their seniors . . the counter-plot layes forth ( {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} ) our methodicall exercise , alternis diebus , three dayes a week , i. e. grammatically and rhetorically on tuesday ; poetically on thursday ; logically on saturday , viz. upon some thema simplex , some one word problematically given forth upon munday morning : as cubus , aera , sphaera , annus , severall weeks , severall words , canvased philologically through the grammarians , lexicons , glossaries , nomenclators , criticks , historians , quasi opus philologicum : and also hunted through the arithmeticians and cosmographers quasi exercitium mathematicum : and forthwith out of the present result the declamers come forth , quasi praxis rhetorica : this for tuesday perennitèr : the books being laid by the librarie keepers prae manibus , in ordine ad classes ; and the exercise recorded in three severall books , and kept by {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , the keeper of the weekly papers . now the thesis or controversall word for the present was pileum , a cap , being the garbe of the place . but occasionally at this time è re naetâ ; for a negligent young student of the house had lost his colledge bonnet , whose name , together with his losse , renewed the old schoole-game , the parson has lost his cap , and so fell in accidentally to be the basis of the counter-plot , and gave the title {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . the subject of the second , third , fourth acts , debated academically . and thus the two plots interweave all the yeare scholasticè , methodi gratiâ . and to day dramaticè , compendii causa , ut mundus in tabellula , the essay of a fortnights study . and thus much for the argument at large . the persons of the rhetoricall drama , are the same with the domesticall students , distinguished by a three-fold degree : in ordine ad . officia . their titles and offices . . classes . formes and places . . aetates . ages . . the office is two-fold : . schoole-officers , . court-officers ; yet both mercuriall : onely the first more properly attend the businesse of the publique weale , or schoole ; the other the pleasure of the prince , or moderator . that respects substance , this ceremony . . the classes are ever six , with an entrance , termed vestibulum . . the ages were not here much materiall to the plot ; yet the plot is materiall to the ages . fiat aemulatio , & pudor . now as for the termes of the distinct titles and places , they will hardly admit of english ; being originally imposed , and still use in greek or latine , which are the indispensable dialect of the province ; and yet we will venture here to rank them in a triple paralles . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , or {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . seniores . old standers . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . juniores . succeeders . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} tyrones . fresh-men . the two first , in order to their charge , are called {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , keepers , or guards-men ; but in another sense , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , or {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , quasi e specula decernentes : in a grammaticall acception , overseers , watchmen , spies . for in this vtopia , the main businesse is {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , custodia , tuitio , excubatio . watch and ward , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , where every officer stands centinel in the defence of decencie , and defiance of rudenesse : for as {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , decent ofder , is {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , so it is the {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , the guarded treasure , the golden apple of our hesperian garden . o●do anima rerum , and needs many watchfull eyes to guard it ; tot argi oculati , vigilesque dracones . and thus in order following stands the posture of our schoole model , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} : and therefore in rank and file , see them here upon their march , facing the spectators . officiorum tituli specifici : the officers in their three-fold order .     . office . . classis . . aetat. anno. {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . princeps rhetoricus . school-moderator . ● ●● {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} moderator mercurialis . decider of controversies . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . & monitor monitorum . keeper of keepers . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} legumque custos . defender of the laws , and mr. of requests . the foure prime monitors . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . praeses succelli . president of the chappel . ● . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . decentiarum explorator . quest-man of decencie . . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . linguarum custos . monitor of language . . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . ingenii speculator . observer of invention . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . the twelve sub-officials , or subordinate monitor or keepers .     offic. class. aetat. . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . praefectus scrinii rhetorici . chiefe register of exercise . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . librarius . producer of auth. keeper of the three school libraries . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . ostiarius . commander of the keyes and hatches . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , sive {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . nolae curator . the timer of the bell & hourglasse . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . lucifer . orderer of the lights . . . cubiculorum decurio . chief chamberlain and searcher of studies . . . praeses limitaneus . marquesse of the bounds . . . aulae mensor . controller of the hall . . . silentarius . vsher of the peace . . . ambulantion ductor . leader of the fieldwalks . . . sigillorum procurator & productor . overseer of the sigillums . . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . pileorum monitor . overseers of gowns and caps . . the court-officers . insignium {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} .   offic. clas. ae t●● . ceremoniarum , rituumque custos , ordinunique magister urbanus . master of ceremonies . . nequitiarum regulus , five atlas minor , tyronumque patronus . master of misrule . . caducifer , ●eciali● her●cticus . mace-bearer , and herauld at armes . . aman●cuses rhetorici . the two rhetoricall text bearers , aristotle on the right hand , quintilian the left . . diademifer . the cap of rhetoricall maintenance . . tyro●●●● {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . master-keeper of the fresh-men . personae personantes orchestri●●s . . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . sir sh●●ulus the parson , or cap-loser . . . merlins chorista merlins chorister , or fo●d hope .     . eccho . empty fame . . the fresh-men and sub-juniors of the . forme . . sir antonio draggle-gowne . . sir henrico srud●e-hawke . . monsieur le card-●●ummer . . monsieur le tittle-tattle . monsieur le incongruo . the vestibulum , or petty tyrones . the habit. the habit was uniform , pro more loci , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , gown and cap , differing in the colour of the phancy , quasi significator officii , the ensigne of office . onely the prince and six prime seniors wore beavers , to shew the priviledge of their long standing , with brims also reverst , in token of freedome above the rest ; and deckt with stars of severall magnitudes ; having in their right hands trunchions of severall colours , & silk bends ore their shoulders , emblemata honorum , types of their calling . all white gloves . white pumps , linnen stockins , knots differing in colour . the symbolicall properties . . a mercuriall mace argent . caduceus , with two snakes , interwinding , and plumed argent . signifying the power of serpentine eloquence . this is the fexanima pytho , insinuating perswasion . . a mercuriall bonnet , plumed argent , edged or ; typifing the gallant rationall head-piece , a princely presence , and a free-borne speaker , whose braines are laid with gold , and his tongue tipt with silver . aurum argentumque loquitur . againe , the snakes have respect to the will , the cap to the the intellect , the wings to the fancy , and the colours to the passions . . a scutchion or mercuriall sheild , which bore gules , three keyes , or. on the dexter hand ; but on the sinister , a bend azure charged with foure stars of equall radii ; over them sol , under that a cube , triangle , and circle , all or. the crest or rose with wings argent . quasi rosa volans . observe farther , that the allusion was mathematicall , and chiefly astronomicall , from beginning to the end , as thus : the two designes are as the artick and antartick poles , bearing the axis of the maine worke . the five strophae , antistropta , or acts , doe bear the number and office of the zones ; the seven chiefe seniors wander as the planets through the zodiack , the planets proper stage ; the twelve sub-monitors , as the twelve signes , fixt to the zodiack , the intire number of actors , the same with the constellations ; some southerne , some northerne moving , all according to their longitude , latitudes , and altitudes , according to their place & magnitudes , in the upper & lower division of the school place . all in time and order of vicissitude , moving through the degrees of the zodiack , till they have reacht to the {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , the highest pitch of schoole honour , viz. princeps rhetoricus , the sol scholae ; {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , the mercuriall moderator of the whole regiment ; for it is sceptrum successivum , in ordine ad meritum ascensionis . the prologue two-fold : . the mock-prologue . . and the serious . . the first layes the contrivance of the anti-plot or counterdesigne : vbi consulitur de inductione pilei in scenam & curiam principis rhetorici . the contrivets five , misrule , corister , custos pileorum , ostiarius , and monitor scholae . . the second gives the argument of the maine plot or fixt work in hand . being two-fold . . in greek iambic , ad doctos . . ad populum . in english . the english prologue . all haile thrice faire assembly . vvhat orders , laws , rights , constitutions , here run yearly round in this schoole hemisphere : and what our elders , and our classes doe , are this day tendred to your publique view . our prince is king of bees ; whose well-mann'd throne , no peevish vvaspe can clime , nor lazie drone . under whose ver ge our new atlantis lies , and comes well-neere th'utopian paradise . as for the scene that lies in grecian-rome , a piece new weaved i th greek and latian lome ; yet for your sakes ( sweet ladies ) all along , the work 's imbroder'd in our mother tongue . sirs , you are wise , accept what is not ill , who are not wise , let them do what they will . the expression of the mercuriall coat-armour . . the scutchion is also allusive every way ; by the plumed rose in the crest is declared , that fragrancy and celerity are the top-work of eloquence : swiftnesse , and sweetnesse , are the last and highest parts of this science : again , invention must not drag low , language must fly high . . the golden keys lay open this conceipt ; that logick , rhetorick , and grammar , are by way of entrance , taught fundamentall in schools ; but the work is left to be crowned and matured in the academies : therefore as we the keys , oxford gives the crowns , which also decypher the principall scienences , . theology , . law , . physick : and why may not we here have a key for them also ? . by the cube , arithmetick ; by the triangle , geometry ; by the circle , cosmography are here intended , and stand quartered under the stars , as taught in a different place and manner from the other three arts before . . the bend of stars with eight radii , represent the prime seniors or ministers , each man being keeper of distinct laws or canons ; himself shining amongst his fellows as a star in his place : again , these stars denote the cardinall qualities here ( under this prince ) professed , attained , kept , . language , . invention , . manners , . religion , each consisting of eight severall branches , cleare and starlike . . the sun hath the chief influence , as the glory and light of the rest ; {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , and stands mounted in the highest angle above the bend of stars , locus principis rhetorici , the princes place ; but by the sun is chiefly intended religion , without which , all arts are but meer darknesse , or at least , ignis fatuus . yet our sol appears quartered in a sinister side , because the pulpits doth challenge the upper hand of the schools , and theology the wall of philologie . but if the parson at any time shall lose his cap , and turn tityre tu patulae , a coridon of our arcadia ; then will we quarter our sol upon the right , and his cap upon the left ; for then he is our junior : his sheep-hook hath done homage to our rod ; divinity hath struck top sayle to grammar , and the liturgy in syntacticall obeysance hath vayled his bonnet to the accidence . . the two fields , gules on the right hand , azure on the left in a philosophicall acception lively depaint the will and the wit , the heart and the brain , the two fixt seats of our fourfold learning . thus much for the blazounrie in brief , sed aliquid latet , quod non patet , qui nucleum vult nacem frangat . and now we come to the argument in speciall , and correlative to each act . princeps rhetoricus , the schoole captaine . but why princeps , and why rhetoricus ? that fals in next to be scand , for non est in promptu ubique o edipus , all teeth are not nut-crackers . therefore observe , that the whole allusion brancheth it self , into five strains of rhetorick , or acts oratoricall distringued here by titles : the first act we call inauguratio , the instalment , the second , pompa , the entertainment . the third , criticus , the linguist . the fourth , the disputant . the fifth , the judge or moderator . and in order to these is personated a prince thus qualified : in the first , princeps legitime inauguratus . in the second , princeps pompaticus . third , philologicus . fourth , philosophicus . fifth , judicialis . and in the catastrophe of the scene , princeps religiosus : and through the whole acts , princeps heroicè moratus : of noble deportment ; alluding to the seven fold buckler of ajax , under which vlysses lay protected . homers prince of eloquence : and thus much for our prince , quatenùs princeps : invested with title , authority , quality ; now view him quatenus rhetoricus . his prince-part was a notion assumed , faigned , and allegorically borrowed : but the rhetorick part and title are in earnest , & ( ex professo ) opus loci & personae . for now one was to make good in himself ( by way of president to the rest ) the character of a compleat rhetorician , and that by the exact test of our two rhetoricall text-men , aristotle and quintilian : for one while he cunningly insinuates ; as at his first ascent to the chaire . detur , ait , dignori , ego enim ( comparativè ) non merui . like caesar in tacitus , waving finely his new imposed dignity ; and yet at the same instant , policetur abundè , promiseth mountains , to rule like an angel . again , sometimes his speech becomes demonstrative , praising and inveigling : sometimes deliberative , pondering the future good : sometime juciciall ; according as the lost-cap finds argument through the five acts , occasionally , & ex ansâ datâ : for still the matter is before the iudge , coram judice lis . and still the parsons cap makes work for all . argumentativè . then next , touching those three aristotelian requisites , . natura , . ars , . exercitatio . they were better there seen , then here spoken . as candid spectability , a tongue well hung , firm sides , retentive memory , fancy clear , a princely undanted presence , & cujus ex ore melle dulcior s●uebat oratio , &c. but to compleat the matter , after some faire essayes of . invention , . disposition , . elocution , and . pronunciation , he falls upon the moderating part of oratory ; and exhibits a rhetoricall skill in the bee-like use of authours , culling out for his own hive , the flowers inservient to his present purpose , mutatis mutandis tèr , i. e. alterum , alteratum , or aliud . sometimes again he leaves moderating , and falls to debating , syllogysticè , upon the argument , till being victor in the truth , he concludes by a double power , argumento . recti . . sceptri . and so becomes in fine , both princeps and rhetoricus , co-incident in nature and title , the rhetoricall princesse : for , in vero conveniunt rex & lex . the arguments of the acts severally and particularly ; and these in twofold notion , . historical . . morall . act. i. princeps legitimè inauguratus , or , the instalment . the argument historicall . scena i. a curtain is displaied , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , the prime school monitor appears in a studying posture : is interrupted by the entrance of the text-bearers , inducing {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} the wandring schollar lose-cap to the sight and speech of the monitor , with a petition tendered de recuperand● parsonuli pilco , for recovery of his cap , defunct ; the petition is accepted by phylophylax the monitor ; with promise to be presented in court , and to have fair audience in the businesse ( for his office is not only school-superintendent , but also libellorum custos , master of request and complaints ) and here is the first stone laid in the arch-fabrick of the counterplot . scena ii. lord of mis-rule enters with his bonny fresh men , undertakes their protection , contra gentes & jura ; and against the imperious wand of custos tyronum , his main antagonist and theirs . and this is the second trick of wit in the crosse plot , so to disturb the main plot . scen. iii. here the maine plot begins . the master of ceremonies appears with the keeper of the fresh-men : t is consulted de curiâ rectè curandâ , that things be done in place , time and order . exit ceremonius . custos induces his fresh charge , pearcheth them up at the bar : succeeds again ceremonius with his whole court-traine . and first , marshalleth his fourth classis , next his fift ; then fall in the officers , seniors , attendants , prince , in ceremoniall order . ceremonius leads the way , next him , lord mis-rule , then two monitors abrest . singly succeeds them monitor monitorum ; next , praeco fecialis , the mercuriall herauld at armes , princeps rhetoricus in the midst . after him the two text-bearers ; then the other two monitors abrest , the cap of maintenance after them , and last , custos ▪ tyronum , proclaimer and guards-man generall . they proceed to election , on a fourefold ground ; . sucession , . merit , . suffrages , . lawes and customes . invenitur caduceo habilis & idoneus , proclaimed fit for the mercuriall scepter . the quaeries are ten : as first , whether he hath orderly ascended from classis to classis , non faciens saltum , not making a skip . . whether he be patiens inediae , frigoris , & sudoris . an multa tulit , fecitque sudavit & alsit : whether he be snow-proofe , able to endure heats and colds , and to watch by the lamp of cleanthes . againe , whether he hath learned obedire & imperare , to obey and command , as junior and senior ; and whether well verst in the lawes appertaining to the chaire mercuriall : whether bene moratus , bene linguatus , religiosus , & humilis . and being approved by the register generall , proclaimed prince by the herauld , and voiced by the rest , he ascends the chaire of eloquence . then followes the citement of officers ; after that , the canto or hymne of congratulation● ; the speeches encomiasticall ad principem . after the citement , the indictment is read against the tyroes , whose penalties are imposed in way of severall theames , and liberty to speak for themselves , par poenae culpa . their patron is lord of mis-rule . scen. iv. ex improviso , abruptly breaks in sir shone , molestus interpellator curiae , in a great fume , impatient of longer attendance , a blunt , unbred , rude , insulse scholar , and as roughly entertain'd by the guards-man : they chop logick at staves end dilemmatically ; here i can have ye , & there ; but pates find mediums . master keeper assaults the parson , argumento baculino , with halberd eloquence , the parson indoctrinates the keeper with crab-tree logick , but is foyled at his owne weapon ; till misrule , and the schoole-monitor , his fratres fraterrimi , complotters and sworn partners , step in to his rescue ; by whose provision and request , his petition is heard , registred , and deliberated on , but deferred till the next court sessions mercuriall . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . ode acclamatoria . the congratulatory canto . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . the humble partishon of sir shone of wales , in formâ paperis following . be it knowne to all and some , that her hath a partishon in her packets , ad hunc venarabilem collegium , propter facere huc and cry , post cappum sumum ( misere defunctum , & lostum ) per omnes chamberos , studies , & corneros . and also her desires to enter her actions , or rather her passions in te law , for a scire facias , through te six mercuriall classes , with a non est inventus , as touching her pileus ; and a quare latitat , amongst all her cozen scholers , and her shall be pound to pray , for her six venerable said monitors while her may , for ever and a day , and longer too , when her hath nothing else to do . the morall argument of this act , for want of roome , wee passe by . the authors , like so many flourie fields , campi rhetorici , were tacitus , justine , justinian , quintilian , eutopia mori , atlantis verulamei , apuleius : the greeks , homer , aristophanes , plutarch , zenophon de cyropaedia , longinus , {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . aristotles rhetorick , plato , aeschylus , &c. the language chiefly greek ; but auditorii gratiâ , translated here and rhere into english . act. ii. princeps pompaticus : or , the entertainment . the argument historicall . atlas minor , alias misrule , ascends his astronomical cabinet . a scematicall figure is erected at the command of the prince de pileo restaurando . his censure upon astrologie . this course failing , by the consent of the court , a hue and cry is voiced . sir shone the proclaimer . an eccho answers within ; he runs in after the eccho , his supposed countriman ; instead of him , fals upon merlins chorister , the old welch bard ; who by the harmonious power of his voice , summons in ( in three severall dances ) caps distinct . the song between chorister and eccho . choris . eccho , o eccho ; thou oracle , o eccho , eccho tel . eccho . what shall the eccho , eccho tell ? choris . the scholars cap is lost , how shal't be found ? eccho . charm atlas , charme the caps from under ground ; by six and six , so shall the cap be found . choris . caps all , o caps all , appeare at ecchoes call , six great , six small . eccho . here , here we rise at ecchoes call . choris . when you the viols heare , brave sprights appeare . eccho . sound viols sound , for at your sound we 'l venter . roome , roome for caps , by six and six we enter . the first dance , consisting of the six grammaticall persons . . . . . . . i. thou . he. we . ye . they . after the dance they impeach each other de furto pilei . i puts it off to thou , thou to he , so the rest alternative ; but neither i , thou , nor he , we , ye , nor they : ergo tandem nemo , nemo is the man , no body has it . morally alluding to the depraved nature of children ; accusing and excusing ; peevish lyars : the tutors taske to cure . and also implies , that men themselves act the childrens scean ; instead of vindicating , often recriminating , waspish , serpentine , childish , saying , unsaying , gain-saying . quis enim non ab ovo mendax ? and thirdly , it alludes to the academians contradictory humour , affirmo , nego . the second dance consisted of six gipsies , cap-men , of severall colours . the intent of this , was like the other , but in a higher way . suggere jam quintiliane colorem ; every man hath some colour for what he sayes , or does ; in a severall cast of naturall rhetorick . but by these colours is primely intended the principles and depth of mysticall philosophie : in which the idle scholars cap is seldome found . the third dance was of the chiefe faculties , personated lively . a cardinall . a miter . signifying degrees of preferment . a master of arts square cap. degrees of learning . the falkner . montero . degrees of gentry . seaman . saylors thrum . degrees of travell . & forrain . souldier . an helmet . degrees of martial officers . smith . fuddle-cap . degrees of trades . morall . thus every cap what ere it be , is still a sign of some degree . the dance ends merily . lose-cap breaks his confining circle , and chops in among the caps , dancing ; is defended from their battouns by the souldiers buckler , and carried away upon his shoulders ; the seamen advancing one leg , fuddle-cap the other , shooing him in the exit . the sum of the intendment , belongs to oratoricall practice ; these be subjects of eloquence ; work for a wise head , and a winning tongue . a sight proposed to the prince , what manner of men he has to deal with ; that will be great or wise . act. ii. scena ii. after that all vanish and nothing effected , atlas demands further of the merlins chorister what 's to be done . he answers again in song . cho. eccho , o eccho , for merlins sake o eccho , once more tell , eccho . what shall the eccho once more tell ? cho. tell who the cap doth weare , and who goes clear , eccho . no figure cast by spel , or charm , or magick : but scholar-like , by grammar , wit , and logick . atlas interprets the oracle , the prince likes and consents ; and commands a preparation scholasticall , de pilei disquisitione etymologica . act. iii. princeps rhetoricus , or , criticus the linguist . the argument . the philologicall books are fetcht forth from the trino-musaeum ; the triple library , . grammaticall , . philosophicall , . mathematicall ; the grammarians are first scann'd ; then the glossaries & dictionaries , then the declamers ex tempore deliver their cap-verdit etymologically . the prince in his chair moderating ; monitor scholae , and two head monitors maintaining the table in the middle , the other two at desks ex opposite , and formes ex adverso to forms . this way also proving invalid , command is given by his highnesse elegance ; for an academicall certamen , logically controverted . exeunt omnes . act. iv. princeps academicus , or , the disputant . the authours scientificall , and in order to the arts are produced . then a set dispute between the three main sciences ; de melioritate praerogativâ pilei ; the question is stated two waies , . which is guilty of the parsons cap. . which most worthy among themselves of the three : next intervenes a question between the two princes , rhetorick and misrule , de prioritate galeri & pilei , the preheminence of the hat and the cap ; but while the disputes grew hot , enters a message from the cantabrigian fellow-commoners , desiring of the court a conference touching the new lost cap , as a maine case concerning their coppy-hold , 't is condescended to , and the court dissolves for the present . act. v. princeps judicialis , or , the judge . here is a set form of a sessions ; a court of judicature , more judiciali . the tyroes declame : the theams five , . horn-book , . the hawke , . long tayle , . knave of clubs , . a noune is the name of a thing . before the declamation each fresh declamer takes his briny dos of water and salt ; from the hand of the tyro-guardian : at every stand , or dead lift , they are helpt out , by their suggester , and nimble-tongu'd patron monseiur de la misrule ; and at last by his mediation , annuit princeps , the bils of indictment are expunged ; et donantur pileo tyrones : made free of the colledge . exit misrule . misrule within sends message to the monitor monitorum ; he craves excuse for his absence a while ; a flourish of cornets . forthwith return in form of a pontificall train the counter-plotters ; misrule in the midst as a prince ; and the schollars cap advanced upon a trunchion , more triumphali : he is made to give account of his device , that no offence be given or taken ; and after some questions problematically propounded by the prince ; he and his seniors are invited to an astronomicall dance in reference to the planets , with laurels , each bearing a star advanced frontwise . after this the prince returns to his chaire , gives his charge to the tyrones , juniors , and seniors in their turns , concluding that religion is the finis ultimatus , the ultimate end of all our sudies ; and humility the last work of religion , ending with this motto , quantò doctior , tantò submissior ; withall couching briefly in a fourfold distinction , the four ends of all mens academicall labours , . mechanicall , ditescere , . sophisticall , clarescere , . philosophicall , cognoscere , and . angelicall , videre deum . i. e. practic●s , se abnegando . the questions in this act accidently emergent were these . . whether the mercuriall cap be more injured by the fathers indulgence , the sons negligence , or the masters insufficience ? . whether a lying humour be rather suckt from the dugs of the nurse ; or the paps of custome , or rather , an mendacium be ex traduce ? hereditary ? . whether the parsons cap hath received more cuts and blows , from the blunt weapons of bacchus , or the sharp sword of mars ? . whether a-wel-bred rhetorician did ever want a mocenas , or his cap mendicant ? . whether every noble and great gentlemen ought to be princeps rhetoricus , a prime good speaker ? . whether every master of arts be princeps rhet. et e contra ? . whether the greatest enemy to the cap , be not the cap ? science against science more persecuting then ignorance ? . an pileum sir-shonnuli fit ex lana caprina ? . an fiat pileorum transmigratio ? . pileus an tandem fataliter — exeat omnis ? epilogvs . as soon as the court-scene closed , and had as it were bid good-night to action and invention , prince-misrule-atlas ( now left singly on the stage ) presents the audience with a caution or two , by the horarie advise of his quadrant ; which being elevated to a just height , he calculates the howrs of the day , of clock , min. and digits . then warns them , maturare reditum , imminet ursa ; to hasten homewards , lest {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} the keeper of the great bear meet with them after all . the beare being a starting-enemy to the coach-horse ; and twilight a dangerous time for caps . venit hesperus ite . so atlas bids his star-like guests adieu , as you have shin'd on vs this day , with friendly influence : so may the new year shine on you. e fonte cambrino , jan. . . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- * {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} {non-roman} . notes for div a e- princeps . rhetoricis . mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all places except the head quarters / by borealis de la garde. de la garde, borealis. this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (wing m ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing m estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all places except the head quarters / by borealis de la garde. de la garde, borealis. [ ], p. s.n.], [s.l. : printed in the year . reproduction of original in bodleian library. eng satire, english -- th century. a r (wing m ). civilwar no mercurius venereus wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations, and communicates intelligence from all de la garde, borealis c the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the c category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - jonathan blaney sampled and proofread - jonathan blaney text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion mercurius venereus , wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations . and communicates intelligence from all places , except the head qvarters . by borealis de la garde . printed in the year . mercvrivs venerevs : wherein he relates what hapned to him in his severall shapes and transmigrations . though the name of mercury hath been lately so defyl'd , that scarce a scurrilous sheete hath appear'd , but it hath assumed his name ; yet since they have injured him only in his office , of politick capacity , it is the more pardonable . reader , the mercury you have so much heard of , i am , who do now appear abroad , to shew thee , that i have a naturall , or physical capacity too , though it be but a moderne one , wherein i am as serviceable to venus , as i was heretofore to iupiter . it is not yet full an hundred years since mercury made vulcan a cuckold , and had first to do with venus , ever since vvhich time i am known by the pleasing appellation of sweet mercury : since paracelsus made me one of his trinity , constituting me the third principle , or creator of all things , i have been sufficiently debased by his successors ; for whereas heretofore i plaid the theef for mine own use , now the chymists send me to the bottome of your pockets to pick the money out for their worships ; and though they give you nothing in exchange , yet they call it transmutation : and if they would stop here , they were as reasonable as other physitians ; but they send me of an errant into the bowels , and bodies of both sexes , where i should , though an unpleasing guest , so journe all my life , if i did not sometimes make an eruption , or get out at another door , like that poor queene , who sunke down at cheering cross , and rose up at queene-hive : by this meanes i come to know the secrets of persons , of all conditions and qualities , which for the publick good i do intend to declare in this ensuing discourse . first , then , that i may not be thought a leveller , i will begin with the lords in parliament assembled : into one of whom i got admittance ( it seems the priviledge of peeres protects them only from law , but not from physick ) here i expected to have been at the inventing of some rare plot , agreeable to my active nature ; for it was just as the scots army had entred upon english ground ; and to that end , thought to have mounted up into this great persons head , but i found that so filled with lead before , that there was no roome for poor mercury ; nay , i could not make him sensible of the dangerous courses he run , so that i found nothing more certaine then that , ex quovis ligno non fit mercurius . we should stay sometimes three houres together in expectation of what the iuncta of ladies had contrived , which we swallowed without bones ; whence i learned , that as the commons are servants to the people , so the lords are to the ladies : but this course of life was so contrary to my genius , to sit still three or four houres and do nothing , that i tooke the opportunity of his yawning , ( for he never spoke , ) to steale out of his mouth and be gone ; though since i heare i might have stayed , for that they are now to sit no more . when thus i had obtained my liberty , i found the army was marching out of wales , to fight the scots ; then would i rather then my life have turned souldier , to have revenged the many injuries , affronts , and confinements put upon me by quacks of that nation , who are more , i dare say , then of all the world beside ; but i perceived it was a harder matter to get into the army , then into the house of peers : in summe , it vvas impossible to obtaine entrance , whether it were that they would not spend so lightly , or that they have all handsome wives , ( as most other preachers have ) i know not , but now it will be much more difficult to gain admission , for as much as i understand they have cast off their doctor of physick : well fare the cavalier souldiers yet , though they are better born , yet they are not so hard of access ; a gentleman , as the play hath it , is known by his gentleman-like conditions : this i am sure ( my friends of the army ) they would never have suffered themselves to have been twice conquered by such sectaries as you are , if they had been tam marte , quam mercurio . being disappointed here , i thought to make my address to the iuncta-ladyes , that i might comprehend ( though amongst the lords i could not , by what deepe and grave councels , this last summers war was mannaged ; but i failed of my attempt there too ) for they were so stricken in years ( as wisdome you know , is the daughter of gray haires ) and had been so accustomed to mercuries service , that they were grown ( like mithridates ) proof against me , and knew by experience that i was but like herb iohn to them , and could doe no further good to their faces , or harme to their bones : all that i learnt here , was , that most of the beauties turne wits afterward , as naturally as a caterpillar becomes a butterflie ; and last of all arrive to be statists . finding my selfe like thus to remaine in cuerpo , i resolved to doe as gallants doe , who when ( in a long vacation , or plague time ) they finde themselves destitute of the amours of gallant ladies ( which , you will say , is a hard case in these dayes ) are faine to betake themselves to bloomesbury ; so i , rather then i would want a place to hide my head in , rendered my selfe at discretion to my old enemy the chymist , who when he had ex●●ined and tortured me , sent me prisoner into the body of a fat lawyer , who had not long before married a ladies daughter , by which match he became so much a gentleman , that he was made fit for my company ; at my first entrance into his head , i found all in disorder , nothing but crabbed entails and cases , but i mended the conveiances in his brain , and opened more obstructions then are in the sale of bishops lands : at last , his little law , and lesse equity , by the help of the nimblenesse i lent his tongue , brought jndy's home , for i put mettall into him , and he played they phylosophers stone , and turned all that mettall into gold ; had not he then a good wife , that could heighten his eloquence thus , and by her practice mend his ? one day my lawyer went to plead at the committee of indempnity , and as he was opening a petition , i crept up into one of his eyes , to peep out , and looke about me , to see if i could spie any of my acquaintance , and vvho should i first blurt upon , but a worthy member of that committee , whose inward friend i had long been ; when he savv me , he was so angry , that i should come to affront and upbraid him there , that he silenced my counsellour , and vvould never heare petition opened since . notwithstanding , my patron was not long after made sergeant , and as he was trimming himselfe in the glasse , i could not abstaine from looking abroad againe , to behold by reflection his reverend aspect , when finding his beard shaved , and a coife on his head , i conceived my selfe to be a guest to one of these ancient procuring matrons , in whose corps i had been so often tormented ; and without farther study , broke out at his nostrils in a sneeze , and carryed away halfe his braines with me ; but the remaining halfe vvill be sufficient for him now , since he is to have double fees . when i was got out here , i bethought vvhat could happen to me worse , and could guesse nothing , except i should be sent ( as the devils were ) into svvine . well , imployment grew scarse , and mercury cannot be idle : i was resolved to trie my fortune anew , and bound my selfe apprentice to an apothecary , who presently sold me to one of your renevvers of nature , or menders of ladies faces , who was a french man , newly come over to recruit , and lengthen out english beauties ; my new master clapt me into a pot , with some other ingredients , and sent me to a country lady , new come to towne , to take off her husbands sequestration , from whom she had received two things in commission : first , to strive to looke faire when she went to the lords , and then to take care , she fell not acquainted with the wits ; and being by a great lady addrest to my master , and being supplyed in the first point , by spreading me as thick as bread and butter on her face , she goes one morning to westminster , to the lobby by the lords house , but it not being much past eleven , which is too early an houre for their lordships , she enquired the way to the commons house , at whose doore she waited , till a spruce handsome gentleman , powdered , perfumed , and set round with ribbons of severall colours , came out , to vvhom she makes her application , and cries , sir , if i were sure you vvere not one of the wits ( as i hope you are none , for you seeme to be a fine gentleman ) i should invite you to my lodging ; but indeed my husband hath given me warning of those naughty men , who they say , if a poore lady doe but pleasure a friend , or be troubled with the rheume at the mouth , or a cold in her bones , presently they make songs and libels of her , and doe no more esteeme the embraces of persons of quality , then of a milkemaid , or a landresse : the monsieur , with a low leg , replies , i beseech you madam to satisfie your selfe that i am none of the wits ; if i were , i should scarce have the honour to sit vvithin the walls of this house : they alas are carelesse , slovenly people ; vvhereas i have all my cloathes , powder , linnen , nay , gloves and ribbons out of france ; besides , i voted the army to be disbanded eighteen moneths agoe , with six weekes pay , and have ever since been of the side against them , even since the scots were beaten , and made a bonfire at my doore , the last ▪ of november . and then madam , t is well knovvne , that i honour great ladies so much , that i am seldome out of their company , and had rather loose my money at twelve-peny-gleeke with them , though i see them jogg one another , or be seene with them in a velvet coach in hide-parke , though it cost me tvvo peeces in stops , or venture my health to enjoy the oldest of them , then be plunged in the embraces of a young , fresh , innocent countrey beauty , with an ordinance of an indempnity in her breech : more he would have said , but my lady was by this satisfied , that the gentleman was none of the wits , which makes her invite him to her lodging in covent garden , about eleven a clock that night : he promised to obey the summons , though for the present he was much distracted with publique businesse ; and had his head full of freedome , honour and safety . he keeps the assignation , and comes ; after the usuall complements , she fals to tell the story of her life and businesse , which is too dull for mercury to remember , and conculdes all with an earnest request , that he will tell her what these wits are , that she may avoyde them : he easily condescends , and begins , madam , you must know , that before these warres , the wits were a corporation , or rather a monopoly , for no man was suffered to be accounted able , or esteemed for parts , if he were not free of their company , or at least , had licence from them ; they set up some for schoole divinty and fathers ; others for inventing new religions ; some for politicians ; the inferiour sort , for poltry , and all for scepticks . hither all the young courtiers , and innes of court men made their addresse , to know whether they might like the last new play or no ? whether such a lady might be cride up for a wit ? or such a new face rankt among the beauties ? vvhether such a worke was well written ? and they gave out their orders , as duly as sion colledge did ▪ what doctrine was to be preacht . these was were esteemed and honoured every where but at the court , where they were abominably laught at ; notwithstanding some of them repented since , were converted from being wits , and dyed in the kings service ; those that remaine of them , are so few , and so scattered , that they are not able to set up ; such of them as are of the kings side , are all to be secretaries of state , the rest are about this town ; you may know them by their discourses of the affaires and resolutions of christendome , by their curiosity and desire to see strange things , by their crying downe our english wayes and behaviour , by their invectives against the ladies of this towne ; a lady cannot whisper in company , but they are so malicious , that it must be an appointment , or at least , want of breeding ; if a countesse talke aloud , sweare , or drinke a quart of sack at a meeting , they will help her into a lampoon ; in summe , the poore beauties of this age stand in more awe of them , then they doe of obadiah . if a lady slip aside at a ball , and be lost two houres with her gallant , the wits finde her out : if a maid be but out of towne three monthes , or a young widdow leave off her buske , they will be playing the phylosophers , and searching out the cause . a great lady cannot eat her break-fast in bed , and dine within an houre after , make one colation at hide-parke , and another at spring-garden , and then goe to a great supper at picadilly , or the beare , and at last , be entertained with a banquet on the water , and this not above six times a week , but these will be apt to thinke her a glutton . and then they will make you such encomiums of the ladies of queen elizabeths time , who understood worth , and esteemed men of parts ( and those they would have you conceive to be such as themselves ) they tell you that then an anagram on a mistresses name , or a sonnet to her could prevaile more then all the sullibubs , and cheescakes of the age ; whereas these women ( they tell you ) had rather heare one crie god dam me madam , or whistle a french tune , then have whole arcadiaes made to them : then they will count you long stories , what wise discreet husbands parents would in those dayes provide for their daughters , and adde , that now , if a young gentlewoman doe not marry a foole , her mother will thinke her cast away ; and if the poore bridegroome prove in time to have any sparkes of wisdome , is ready to put him for a cheat . they will urge next , that there was no lady in those dayes , but scorned to accept diamond rings , to have gownes sent them by gentlemen out of france , to be fancied at faires , or be trusted by millaners , for gloves , ribbons , or spanish red , or to walke in the exchange to have sweet meates given them . if a woman of quality be led in spring garden , by a gentleman bare-headed , you shall have one of them breake a jest , and cry , why should men be suffered in these dayes of reformation to worship in groves ? if any of them get admittance into a ladies chamber , and finde her sperma-caeta ▪ maske , he exclaimes ( by way of a saryricall strong line ) oh what a case are we poore men in , that the whales lust must be brought hither to enflame ours ! if he finde out her sunday teeth , though they be of purest ivory , they cannot scape him , but he will crie out , what , must both the sea and land monsters , leviathan and bohemoth contribute to the luxury of this age ? one to plaister the cheeke , and the other to repaire the jaw ? but these are sometimes scorned in their kinde , for i am credibly informed , that he who writ the parliament of ladies , dyed not long after of a pryapisme , and not a lady , or gentlewoman in this town could be entreated to take pitie on him , and cure him : a judgement much like that , which befell the author of ignoramus , who lost a living for want of a lawyer . then they are as hard to be pleased with men too , and as censorious as schoole-masters : they will allow a quibble to be no jest , & cannot heare a gingle with patience , they dispraise you quarlles , and withers works , and crie up dr donnes poems , coopers hill , and mr. mayes continuation : and if any of them chance to be married , or keep a mistresse , they are as vigilant over them , and as jealous ; here the young lady could hold no longer , but exclaimed , marry ! out upon them villaines , i le heare no more of them , i shall keep my selfe well enough from them , and addes , sir , i feare it is late , and you may have farre to your loding , if you please to accept halfe my bed , you shall be very welcome , for my husband saith , he is so confident of my affection , that he dares trust me with any living : the gentleman was somewhat startled in conscience , for to say truth , his conversation vvith great ladies had made him stand more in need of me , then the lady : notwithstanding , recollecting himselfe , that his covenant ( as he was much for the covenant ) did engage him to bring delinquents to punishment , of whom the lady was one ; he consented , and leaps into the bed , and she ( as soone as she had put out the candle ) takes a cloath , and wipes me off from her cheeke , and shewes me a way tovvard the fire , by the help of which i soone evaporated away , and got my libertie , without being able to know what this vvorthie member did in her husbands , or her businesse . the description i had heard made of a vvit , filled me with ambition , to be in the possession of one of them , vvhich was crost a long time , for that this sect of men have little to do vvith physitians ; at last , by the help of a baud , and a scots-man , i got entrance into one , who soone perceived vvhat guest he had ( notwithstanding that the scots-man cry'd , the deel tack my sal gif ye gat eny ) and vvould never rest till he vvas rid of me ; it seems men of the same profession cannot bear one another , vvhich was the cause that vve two great vvits could not live under one roofe , so that by the helpe of an able quack , he made me be drawn by the head and shoulders out of his shin-bones ; the example , and miracle of vvhich converted almost all the wits , and they are since married ; for though they are scattered and dispersed , yet they , like the iews , keep a strict correspondency . the next body i got into , was a great masty london parson , with a red head , which was thus ; this patriarke was not so much of the spirit , but he was somewhat for the flesh too , which made his wife , out of pure jealousie send for me , and put me into a caudle , to dispatch him ; but as the devill would have it , and the sins of his parish , being brought to him one day , as he was reading the perfect occurrences , to examine his hebrew , and con his intelligence by heart , to help him out with his next thanksgiving sermon , he swallowed me , but his red head overcame me , it being naturall for one poyson to conquer another , and so i could do him no harme : but he had little need of my help , for he never preached , but he could poyson the people without mercury : he was a great driver of state affaires , the presbyterian members rid him , and he rid the city , and begot petitions , and remonstrances , no man was a more punctuall expecter of the northren letters then he , in hope to be inspired from scotland ( for the spirit , as it did from rome to trent , comes thence every week in a cloakbag ) and he was once gathering hands to a petition , to have the day of the posts arrivall changed from munday to saturday , that so the people here might know their duty out of the pulpit a week sooner : when he inveighed against the sins of his auditory , he did it with so much scurility , that they could not be more ashamed of them , then they were of him , for he vented libells in stead of sermons , whilst they that heard him did pennance , and his pulpit was the chair of repentance for the whole parish : when he chanced to preach before an assembly of ladyes , he would confute open breasts , and prove black patches to be the marke of the beast , and ever was in league with some waiting-woman , or chamber-maide , of whom he learned the name of every pin and knot , the way to put on their cravats , handcharchiefs and cauls , to pin their bought locks to their rolls , and the very ingredients of their washes , dentifrises , and powders to dry sweat ( for it seemes english ladies must , like beefe , be powdered , to keep them from stinking ) all which served him in stead of schoole divinity , which he abhorred as popery , or cavalarisme : when he came to any lords , or parliament mans table ( whom he preached into great places , as they voted him into livings ) there it was that he chiefly promoted the work of reformation : he visited every dish more strictly then the university of oxford , and imposed censures on the wine , & servants , but would not suffer gluttony to be any of the enumerated cases , nor cause one dish to be suspended from the blessed table : when he was full fraught here ( though most of the wives and daughters of his classis were at his disposall for their spirituall , and his corporall consolation ) he would sneake into a little blinde bordell in holborne , where he would have three young wenches whip him ; so great an enemy was he to the superstition of rome , that what that church ordained for pennance to take down the flesh , he used to raise it . he married his eldest son to a parsons daughter , whose father soon after deceased , and left her portion in sermons , all of the presbyterian cut , which being tipt a little with the story of the times , and some new invectives against the independents , would have served him all his life , when behold a most sad accident ; the trumpeters of sion ( for so the kirk of scotland stile themselves ) had just changed their old tune , and learned another of the english troopers , and had sent strict orders to their subjects here , that no more presbytery should be heard of in the pulpit , no more independents delivered to sathan ; this put him into great straights , as well what sermons to preach , as what religion to be of ▪ and if he have any , i beleeve he is by this , a seeker , for i came away without taking leave , having perswaded two of his teeth to fall out to open me a passage , and make his tedious discourses in the pulpit less intelligible . by this time you will beleeve i had need of a little aire , vvhich i went to take in st. iameses parke , vvith a resolution , that if i could , like the camelion , live by it , never to be a caniball , and feed on mans flesh more : vvhen i came into the parke , it was sunday after sermon , and by reason that spring garden was by speciall order shut , and so the tarts and rhenish-wine suspended till the next day ; i found the great walke full of ladies and gentlemen , and all of my acquaintance , which made me steale back againe for fear of being ingaged ; and as i vvas nigh the outmost gate , a leane chapfaln chymist starts out of the cock-pit , snaps me up , and vvhen he had conveied me home , clapt me into a pill , and carried me the next morning to a grave member of the house of commons , of the presbyterian judgement : the gentleman made many faces , & was very unwilling to swallow me , for ( as i understood since ) he tooke me for the self-denying ordinance ; at length he past me , and i began to comfort my self , in hope now to comprehend the true meaning of the covenant ; but i soone found that he knew no more of that then i , but had trusted the assembly with the interpretation ▪ and they the scots ; he never spake in the house till he received a nod from some of the grandees of his luncta , whom they needed not trouble themselves to keep in ignorance , nature had saved them that labour : he never spoke non-sence , but he told mr. speaker t was the sense of the city , and thought the best government in the world , was a commoncounsell ; at last i began to dislike the dulness of my clime , and resolved to be gone , and thought to have taken my opportunity one day , when the house was divided , and those of my patrons faction went out , but he ( conceiting that two vallant independents , who stood neer the door , looked sterne upon him ) durst not go out , but hath been ever since for a balloting box , and was in minde once to move the house , that ( seeing he , and many more of his party had voted blindfold , for above two years together ) those two gentlemen might at least be blinded , when the house was divided , that so people might go according to their consciences : well , thought i , t is not safe for me to dwel with a man of so little courage , lest i be knocked ; so when his nose dropt , i slipt out , and got into the nosegay of him that was next me , who hapned to be of the other faction , he soone snuft me up into his nose , and thence into his head . when i began to understand his secrets , i wondred to see him there , for i found that he was no member , but unlawfully returned ; and looking into his conscience , perceived he was no independent neither , only he had received this light , that the only way to stay in the house , was to seeme so , and his staying there the only way to escape the comming to an account for fifty thousand pounds he owed the state . mercury was never in his own element till he came to him , for i learned my old trade of stealing , perfecter then ever ; i used before to filch here and there , a bit from such as were not aware of me ; but i was with one now , who took all he saw , even from them that trusted him , and like midas , turned every thing he touched into gold . then he had other trades too , he would fall in talke with people he never saw , and make them speak against the army , which he adored ( especially since their great remonstrance speaks nothing of accountants and would threaten to informe , except they compounded with him : nay , he was the grandees setter , to watch what the presbyterians who sate next him whispered one to another ; he applied himself to the congregations too , would have been entred at the orthodox club at the rose , but they were too honest for him , and would talke all day of glorious lights , and steale at night to a baudy house , without so much as a lanthorne and candle ; whether for secresie i know not , or covetousnesse ; for he was so sparing , that two pence roast ▪ beefe in hell was a feast to him , which he dispatch't vvhen the house was up , for sooner he durst not goe , though he should have starved , for feare of displeasing the grandees : this custome kept him fasting so long , that i began to be in danger of my life ( for nothing kills mercury sooner then fasting spittle ) which made me thinke of dislodging , and i tooke my opportunity one sunday , as he was preaching in a coach-house , in vinegar yard , and came out of him without a lavvfull call . reader , i should now descend , to acquaint thee with my severall transmigrations through the ladies of this town , vvith many of which i have had not only a superficiall correspondence ( as vvith the sequestered ) but much intimacie too ; i should relate how i was tost like a shuttle-cock , from this lady , to that lord , from him , to the next waiting-woman , and so to the roarers , where i learnt to stand bare to exchange women , and call chamber-maids madam , and by them sent to the citie , and so backe againe to westminster . how i went in the long vacation to the bath , and hovv i past my time there , but this would require a volume by it selfe , and vvould containe a diurnall , or rather nocturnall of the women of this town . but most men being so ingenious in the vvritings of others , and malice being the greatest ingenuitie of this age , i feare i should not want commentators , vvho would point out every subject , as if she vvere named , or glanc ▪ t at , vvhich proceedings mercury abhorres ; nothing but this can sublimate me , and make me poyson , by rendring that a libell , which was meant a faithfull history : and though i am not ignorant , that if i should take so bad a course , i might happily please more generally , then i displease ; the ladies of these times having no higher pleasure , or greater lechery , then to heare one another spoke ill of , and to joyne in the defamation ; yet all that cannot vvorke with mercury , who amongst all his thefts , never stole any persons reputation from him ; and though he have much of a french man , yet he is unlike them in this qualitie of theirs , that if they get possession of a beauty , they cannot rest , till they proclaime her name to all the world : no , the obligation i have to that sex , is too notorious to expect such a returne , they having kept me out of gilders shops , and schoole-masters clutches ( vvhere i should have made ointments for ringwormes , and waters for scabbie children ) to give me a noble habitation in their owne bodies and bosomes . thus much notwithstanding , to avoid calumnies , i am forced to say in generall , for mine ovvne justification , that many of these beauties having made their breath stink with talking baudy , would lay the fault upon poore mercury . and as for the old saying , that ladies never piss , but spit only , though the modesty of that , & all such expressions be wholly laid aside , few fearing to avow any evacuation of nature , or to call it by any name ; yet that proverb was never litterally true till now , for few females of my acquaintance void any moisture , but at the pores , and mouth : sure , if i had been as much in credit thirtie yeares agoe , as now , this nation might have been happy , and have avoided this warre , and undone hackney coach-men ; for the children of this age ( i meane stall of lords and gentlemen ) which will be men the next , will be of too delicate a constitution to make troopers of , and will be contented to travell up and downe , in chaires and litters . see then rare beauties the reciprocall obligation you have to mercury , who hath not only changed himselfe into more shapes then ever jupiter did , to serve your sex , but even of a god , made himselfe corruptible , to be disgested by you , and converted into you , and your posterities ; so that whilst he lives , he lives serving you , and when he is killed , his desire is that he may be employed to make looking-glasses , that so he may ever be before your faces . finis . my ladies looking glasse vvherein may be discerned a wise man from a foole, a good woman from a bad: and the true resemblance of vice, masked vnder the vizard of vertue. by barnabe rich gentleman, seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie. rich, barnabe, ?- . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc . estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) my ladies looking glasse vvherein may be discerned a wise man from a foole, a good woman from a bad: and the true resemblance of vice, masked vnder the vizard of vertue. by barnabe rich gentleman, seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie. rich, barnabe, ?- . [ ], p. printed [by john legat] for thomas adams, london : . printer's name from stc. running title reads: my ladies looking-glasse. identified as stc on umi microfilm. reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . england -- social life and customs -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - judith siefring sampled and proofread - judith siefring text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion my ladies looking glasse . wherein may be discerned a wise man from a foole , a good woman from a bad : and the true resemblance of vice , masked vnder the vizard of vertue . by barnabe rich gentleman , seruant to the kings most excellent maiestie . malui me diuitem esse quam vocari . london , printed for thomas adams . . to the vvorthily honovred , and most worthy to be worthily honovred , the lady saint iones , wife to the right honourable sir oliver saint iones , knight lord deputie of ireland . madame , to auoide idlenesse , i haue betaken my selfe to those endeauours , that the world will repute to be more idle , than idlenesse it selfe ; and perhaps some will not let to say , that it had beene better for me to haue continued idle still , than to ●●ue been thus ill occupied . for it is now accounted sinne to reprooue sinne , and there is no exercise accounted to be more idle , than to reprehend the idle follies of this madding age , that time hath now hatched vp , and are long sithens become so flush and fligge , that they are flowne into the world , and they haue there nestled themselues amongst the chickins of vertue , so disguising themselues vnder the habit of vertue , that they are reputed to be of vertues broode , and are not easily to be discerned by their plumes , or outward shew . to discouer them therefore , to those that haue any list to eschue them , i haue composed this looking glasse , which i haue fronted in the forehead with the title of my ladies looking glasse . not that it is any thing lesse behoouefull for my lord , than it is for my lady to looke in ; for although women doe vse their looking glasses , but to espie the deformities of their bodily beautie , yet this looking glasse is composed of a contrarie constitution : for this maketh manifest the diseases of the minde , and discouereth the imperfections aswell of men as of women , that doth behold themselues in it . it taxeth the abuses of the time and here is to be seene ( though in a few lines ) many actuall breaches of gods holy lawes . i haue presumed to present it to your ladiships protection , and although i know it be not fit for euery one to reade , that perhaps would winch , if they found themselues to be rubd : yet your vntainted vertues being free from all detection , you may with a cleare conscience , and an vnbended brow , aswell vouchsafe to reade , as likewise to protect , when their is nothing therein conteined but iustifiable truth ; the iniquities of these times being so palpable , that it is as easie to proue , as it is to reproue them . i haue not presumed to present these lines whereby to instruct your knowledg , nor , to set down precepts for your ladish ▪ to follow ; but knowing your ladiship how worthily famed , of whom could i make better choice than of a lady so highly renowned both for wisedome and vertue ? i might here indeauour your ladiships further praises , and that without either fraud or flatterie , but as the vnskilfull painter , that would take vpon him the draught of some rare perfection that were more then ordinary , how well soeuer he might be furnished with colours , yet wanting art , he might rather blemish than grace the worke he tooke in hand : i will therefore here stay my selfe , beseeching your ladiship to pardon his bold presumption , that will rest to doe you seruice during life , your ladiships , to command , barnabe rich. to all readers , either cvrteovs or captious i care not . cvrieous reader , if thou prooue so indeede , i would be glad ; but if thou be disposed to cauill , i care not greatly : thou shalt but bewray thine owne guiltie conscience . and i am become to be a little foolish hardy . ( and why may i not call it true valiance ? ) i haue aduentured one of the labours of hercules , to strike at sinne : and is not that as much as to fight with the hydra ? nay , it is more : for where the serpent had but two heads starting vp , where one was taken off ; let sinne but be dismembred of one vicious folly , there springeth vp tenin the place of that one , more strange to be seene , and monstrous to behold ; this generall sicknesse of sinne is growne so contagious , that it is past recoucrie . it lies at the last gaspe , and yet it is more dangerous to prescribe a remedie , than it is to describe thee malady . we must not say that the world is sicke , nor that worldlings are infected with the diseases of pride , of whoordome , of drunkennesse , of swearing , of swaggering , of bribery , of fraude , of deceit , of periury , of popery , of idolatry . no , we must not speake of these abominations : we dare not say that sinne is sinne . and more safety for a man to commit sinne than to reprooue it . i haue aduentured yet , to bayt the vanities of this madding age at the stake of reproch , and i doe looke my selfe to be baited at againe , by the whole rablement of these slaues of imperfections ▪ but it is no matter , they shall doe but their kinde , and there best conviction is but slander : if the better sort accept of it ( as i make no doubt ) let the rest except what they can , i care not ; their inuectiues are as impotent as themselues are impudent . take this now by the way and so farewell , i neuer ment to please those that be ill , by publishing in print any thing that is good . to the wide world . i sing no song to please the formall foole , nor lulle asleepe , the vaine fantasticke gulle . i haue no skill , nor neuer went to schoole , to pipe a dance to euery trickt vp trulle , that pouders , paints , and periwigs her face : i can not flatter these in any case . i shoote at sinne , i taxe none but the bad , the shifting swaine that heapes vp pelfe by fraud , the bribing groome , the drunken swearing swad , the shamelesse queane , the harlot and the bawd. all these and more too many to be told , looke in this glasse , it doth them all vnfold . my ladies looking glasse . to be often prying , and beholding our selues in a glasse , it hath beene thought rather to fauour of vanity and pride than of godlynesse or piety : yet we haue beene taught by a learned philosopher to looke in a glasse , and that very often , but with resolution that if we do finde our selues to be fayre and well formed , wee should doe fayre and commendable actions : but if we do see our selues in any thing imperfect , we should correct those defects of nature with the beauty of good behauiours . by this we may perceiue that a looking glasse may be imployed to a godly purpose ; and what one doth imploy to the supporting of vice , another may conuert to the exercise of vertue . looking glasses haue euermore beene reputed amongst those necessaries belonging to women ; i haue not heard of many men that haue made any great vse of them vnlesse in barbers shops , or in haberdashers shops ; and yet in those glasses he that is too much prying and beholding of himselfe , shall oftner spye out the picture of a foole than the person of a wiseman . caligula vsed many times to behold himselfe in a glasse , to see how sternely and how terribly he could frame and set his countenance . they are now as common and conuersant to men as they be to women : and our yong gentlemen in this age are as curious to behold themselues in a glasse , as dame-folly her selfe when she is newly trickt vp in the attyre-makers trim. amongst looking glasses , there be some that be ouer much flattering , that will make the beholders to seeme more yong , more smoth , and better fauoured than they be ; and these sortes of glasses are best of all esteemed , but especially amongst women . there is yet an other sort that doth make defects where none are , that will shew the round and well formed visage to be long , leane , and wrinkled ; and these kinde of glasses are little set by either of men or women . i haue indeuoured the forming of this glasse , that i hope shall giue a true representation , aswell of the perfections as of the defections either of men or women that shall behold themselues in it . yet this glasse by me thus composed , it is not to view any exterior part of the body , but first to grope the conscience , and then by a diligent obseruation to suruey the interior part of the soule : and as i haue not fashioned any smooth resemblance wherby to flatter , so i haue not forged any deformities thereby to slander . i haue pictured forth diuers representations , not ayming particularly at any mans priuate person that hath not a guilty conscience to accuse himselfe : yet i haue grasped at abuse , and haue stroken at those sinnes that are so supported and befriended , that i know , will rather become offensiue than pleasing to the world . iniquitie , is growne proude , and nestles herselfe amongst the cedars , and towers aloft as high as the cloudes . the sinnes of this age are become so nice and so queasie that they cannot digest any potion of reprofe : men are more vnwilling to haue their sinnes ransackt , than to haue these inueterate and mortall wounds searched into . and as the often taken potion neuer worketh , so the phisicke of reproofe turnes rather to the hardening of their hearts , than to the amendment of their liues . reprofes are but like goades that do make beastes but to kicke when they be toucht with them . the world is become olde , and now in this later age we haue so far ouergrowne the rod , that we scorne any correction , or to be controuled either by the rule of gods word , or by any other aduertisement , and therefore it is but to knocke at a deafe mans doore . they are the vicious only , that cannot endure to heare sinne reproued : and who are they but the impious that would barre the freedome of our tongues ? these gauld backt iades , are those that are so afraid of rubbing : but what will becom of this world when we dare not speake against sinne for offending of those , that in truth are but the very slaues of sinne ? that good emperour augustus was neuer angry with accusers , but thought it necessary , that where there were stoore of vices there should likewise be many to finde fault : and the lacedemonians thought it a necessary point of policy that there should be such reproouers , whereby to reproue enormity in those for feare of worldly shame , that otherwise neither remorse of conscience nor any feare of their gods could haue reftrained or kept within compasse . and pasquils pillar was tollerated in rome to reprehend all sorts of sinnes till they touched the pope and his clergy : but they cannot indure now that their sodomicall sinnes should be reputed for faults , but will rather reioyce in their abhominations , making vaunts of their adulteries , of their fornications , of their blasphemies , and their drunkenesse , taking as great pleasure in the boasting of them as they did in the acting . he that doth auow pryde , drunkennesse , adultery , swearing , and blasphemy to be damned sinnes , is sooner derided than beloued . the iniquities of this age are not ashamed to shew their faces , they walke the streetes more peartly and bold , than either honesty or innocency . sinne was wont to walke in feare , but now men are so farre from being ashamed , that as they make no conscience to commit euill , so they boast of that euill they haue committed ; and will againe defend what they haue boasted . but as they do glorie in their owne shame , so their end is eternall damnation . though our owne consciences will take no notice of our owne iniquities , yet our sinnes do crie out and complaine in the audience court of heauen , where they prease into the presence chamber of god : and to our confusions they cry out for iustice . and he will not spare for euer , but as he is lust so he must strike . our consciences are so deafe and dull , in these daies of our lolitie , what with the loude noise of musicke , sometimes of gaming , sometimes of carowzing , sometimes of oathes , sometimes of quarrelling , sometimes of blaspheming , that we cannot heare the preacher cry out , that all flesh is grasse . we see at this present houre , how sinne is lifted vp : and what leagues and conspiracies there are against those that be honest , that hath the feare of god before their eies ; and doth reprehend the follies of the time . the iewes , that had thought to haue nailed christ to the crosse , they proudly cried out , if he be the sonne of god , let him saue himselfe . and how far hath this voice escaped vs now in these later times ? are not those that doth liue in the feare of god , reputed to be but the shame of men and the reproch of the people ? haue they not said : let them trust in the euerlasting : and let him deliuer them , and take them out of our hands , if he would their good ? is not god himselfe had in derision & made a by-word ? doe they not multiply their blasphemies against his holy name ? haue they not said , let vs do it boldly , god doth not see it , the almightie is asleepe , he cannot heare it ? at the least they do not let to thinke god doth not regard it , and some will not let to say , there is no god to regard it ; from whence else proceedeth this swearing , this pride , this blasphemy , this drunkennesse , this adultery , but that they thinke the seat of god is voide , or that he is become regardles ? but he that hath made the eare , shall he not heare ? he that hath framed the eye , shall he not see ? and he that iudgeth the nations , shall he not conuince ? let them know , that the euerlasting neither sleepeth nor slumbereth , but they shall finde in the winding vp , that he will cause his iudgements to returne in iustice . the diuels do tremble to thinke of the day of iudgement , these doe but deride it , when they be put in minde of it : the custome of sinne , hath so benummed our sences that we feele it not , but after the infection of sinne , followes the infliction of punishment . securitie hath no resting place but hell. it hath beene told me , that i haue already incurred the displeasure of a great number , for some lines by me formerly published , inueighing against pride , against drunkennesse , against adulterie , but especially for writing against popery . but those that doth taxe and torture me with their tongues , they are not any persons of any great account , they are but drunkards , adulterers , and other vicious liuers : the most of them ( indeed ) poore ignorant papists , whom i do rather pittie than any waies despite : but as the philosopher , that suspected the vprightnesse of his owne carriage , when he heard himselfe to be commended by a man that was noted to be of a loose and a lewd conuersation : so , vnderstanding what they be , that doth thus detect and depraue me , i doe hold my selfe to be better graced by their discommendations , than if they would set open their throates , to publish forth my praises . for amongst all the slaues of imperfections , the lyar and the slanderer , doth least of all offend me , because i know , that a thousand i mputations iniuriously published by a thousand detracting slanderers , are not halfe so grieuous to a man of wisedome and iudgement , as one matter of truth avowed by him that is of honest life and reputation . but is not this a fearefull time , when iniquitie doth so reigne and rage , that the wretches of the world would still wallow in their wickednesse , without impeachment or contradiction , but especially the papists , that are themselues so busie and so repugnant to the lawes , both of god and the ' prince ? first the pope with his bulles , with his indulgences , with his pardons , with his dispensations , with his absolutions , with his priests , with his iesuites , with his ministers , of all sorts and of all professions , that are still conspiring , that are still practising , with poisons , with pistoles , with stabbing knifes , with gunpowder traines , that are still repugning , that are still peruerting , that are still seducing , and drawing the hearts of the people , from that dutie and obedience , they doe owe to their soueraignes ; nay , that doth draw so many poore soules to destruction : for although all sorts of sinnes did neuer so much abound , as they doe at this houre , yet of my conscience , the pope himselfe doth send more christian soules to the diuell ; and hell is more beholding to the popes holinesse alone , then to all the rest of those ougly monsters , that are called by the name of the seauen deadly sinnes . but what sinner so intemperate but will himselfe confesse in generall , that all sorts of sinnes were neuer more inordinate , and that wickednesse and abhomination were neuer more apparant , and i might say againe neuer les punished ? the adulterer will cry phough at the lothsome sinne of drunkennesse , the blasphemer will sweare the vsurer is a most damned creature , the extortioner will laugh at pride , and make himselfe merry with the folly of new fashions . thus euery vicious liuer can one deride an other , but they cannot indure to heare themselues detected ; and they will laugh at the very same imperfections in an other , that they cannot see in themselues , neither will they beleeue any other that should informe them of them . but i tell thee thou man or woman , whatsoeuer thou be that disdainest to heare thy wickednesse reproued , thou art fallen into temptation , and thou art in danger of a iudgement : he that is fallen into that lethargie of sinne that he neither feeleth himselfe nor will indure to be told of it , is in a dangerous plight , he is past recouery . there is no sickenesse so dangerous as that which is least felt : and as he that feeleth not his sicknesse , neuer seeketh the phisitian , so he that feeleth not his sinne neuer careth for repentance ; and he that hath no remorse to repent can neuer be forgiuen : for how should christ forgiue him his sinnes that will neuer acknowledge them ? but if the sins of this age doth not make worke for repentance , they will make a great deale of businesse for the diuell . forbeare then thou captious slaue of sinne , to complaine against those that doe complaine against thee : when we cannot turne our eyes on neither side but we shall see some rouing with boldnesse , some rauing with madnesse , some reeling with drunkennesse , some rioting in wantonnesse , some cursing with bitternes . they haue made a sacrifice of their soules to the diuell , they neither feare nor reuerence god , but esteeme all godlinesse as a mockery ; they do but play with religion , and do but deride at diuinity it selfe : all will censure , none will amend , yet many will cry out the daies are euill , when they themselues do helpe to make them worse and worse . if we haue a little verball deuotion , be sure it is mixt with actuall abhomination . but they will say , it only belongeth to the preacher to reprooue sinnes , but not fit for euery particular person to meddle with . we cannot weare a garment in the new fashion , saies one , we cannot drinke a pot with a good fellow , saies another ; we cannot fortifie our words with the credit of an oath , saies a third : but euery foole will be shooting of his bolt : euery criticke companion will be girding at vs : busiyng himselfe with that which becomes him not to meddle with . it is truth , there are many will goe to church , they will not misse a sermon , they haue their bookes carried after them , they are very attentiue , they turne ouer leaues , they consent to the preacher , they say his doctrine is good , they pretend great loue to the truth , they make many signes and showes of zeale : but being once returned to their owne homes : what reformation or amendment of life ? do they not liue still as if heauen and hell , were but the fictions of fooles , and that the threatnings denounced by the preacher against sin were but dreames and old wiues tales ? the prophesies , pronouncing the punishment of sin , they are esteemed but as cassandrias ryddles , they are not regarded : and what is it but the vnbeleefe of that doctrine , that the prophets , the apostles , and that christ himselfe haue deliuered , that thus armeth the wicked with boldnesse to sinne ? the word of god is not regarded , and if sometimes they doe take the maske of religion , it is but when pietie becomes their aduantage : vertue may now and then be set forth to the show , but it is but as a staale , to draw into the net of villany . the preachers of the word , which are the fishers of soules , they fish but now introubled waters , they may fish perhaps , and catch a frog , or peraduenture light vpon a cuttell , that will vent forth yncke ; but if their nets doe sometimes inclose , yet they are seldome seene to hold a fish that is great & mightie : he that seeth this & can not sigh , is not a witnesse but an agent : and he that can see this without compassion , is like a nero , that can sit and sing , whilst he sees rome a burning . the apostle willeth vs to exhort one an other , and not for once and so away , but daily . heb. . and in the . of leuit. it is expressely set downe : thou shalt plainly rebuke thy neighbour , and shalt not suffer him to sinne . and there is none but a cain , that will deny to bee his brothers keeper . but is not euery man tyed aswell by the rule of gods word , as by the lawes of euery well gouerned common wealth , not onely to reprehend , but also to informe against any person , that either by word or deede shall seeke to eclipse the honour or dignitie of his prince ? if we owe this duty to a king here vpon the earth , how much are wee further obliged to the king of kings , to the king of heauen ? shall we see his lawes despised , his name prophaned , his maiestie blasphemed , and shall we be silent and hold our peace ? qui tacet consentire videtur , to heare and see and say nothing , is to make our selues a partie . but we dare not do our duties for displeasing of those that haue alreadie bequeathed themselues to the diuell : for offending a drunkard , for offending an adulterer , for offending a blasphemer : for offending a papist . from hence it is that vice doth now sleepe in that security , that philips boy that euery day cloyed his master with the clamor of mortalitie , is not able to awaken it : but thou that art so a sleepe in sinne that nothing can awaken thee ; assure thy selfe thou shalt be so awakened that nothing shall bring the a sleepe . i haue hitherto spoken of the custome of sinne , how it hath weakned our spirits and lulde vs a sleepe in the cradle of security : i do appeale from your drowsie lustes to your awakened consciences whether i haue spoken the truth or nay . if i should now speake of the antiquitie of sinne , and should therewithall take vpon me to deliuer the manifold afflictions that from time to time , and from age to age she hath drawne from the iudgment seate of god , to punish the enormity of wickednesse here vpon the earth , i might enter into such a labyrinth , as theseus clew would hardly suffice to wind me out . it was sinne that first secluded the angels from the ioyes of heauen : it was sinne that draue adam out of paradise . it was sinne that caused the inundation of the whole world , it was sinne that drew on the tempest of fire and brimstone on sodom and gomorrha , it was sinne that brought destruction on that holy city of ierusalem , it is sinne that at all times and in all ages hath plaid the strumpet through all the partes of the world , and hath filled the whole face of the earth with her brood of bastards . and as the armies of the low countries are compounded of english , of scots , of french , of spanish , of italians , of germans , and of all the nations of christendome collected and gathered together : so the sinnes of all those countries and of all the world besides are euery day ingrossed and transported into england . we haue stolne away the pride and ambition of the spaniard , the fraude and falshood of the french , the deceit and subtilty of the italian , the drunkennesse and swearing of the german : we haue robbed the iew of his vsury , the barbarous sicilian of his rage and cruelty , the turke and infidel of his infidelity and vnbeliefe ; we haue spoyled the venetian curtizans of their alluring vanities , to decke our english women in the new fashion : and rome that sometimes hath beene worthily renowned , but now reputed to be the very synke of sinne , we haue brought from them their idolatry , their superstition , their popery , their heresie ; and we haue robbed the pope himselfe and all his colledge of cardinals , both of their luxury , and their letchery ; and all his whole rablement of monks , fryers , and massing priests , of their beastly bawdery . this propagation of sinne , that hath infected the whole world with their abhominations thus transported into england , are now there resident and all entertained , not like strangers , but as natiues that had beene both borne and bred in the countrey . and that old hagge sinne herselfe , that a man would thinke should be so far spent in yeares and ouerworne with age that she should be past trimming , is more propagating at this present howre , then she was fiue thousand yeares agoe ; and is become more wanton , nice , and toyish then euer she was before . and notwithstanding though from the beginning she hath bin notoriously knowne to be a most infamous strūpet common to all , yet now within these very few yeares one of these poore thread ▪ bare knights sir nicholas new-fashions by name , that had so wasted and consumed himselfe in foolish pride and prodigality , that he was not worth the clothes that was belonging to his owne backe ; hoping by her means to support his vaine glorious pride , hath taken her to be his wife , and hath made her a lady . and although sinne of her owne nature and disposition be both proud and presumptuous more then ynough , yet now being dignified with a ladiship and being inrould in the heraulds booke to march in the ladies rancke , she is become more bold and insolent then euer she was , and who now but my lady new fashions that is had in esteeme ? she is almost euery day troling in her coach about the streetes , insinuating herselfe into euery company ; there is no feasting , banquiting , reueling , nor any other merry meeting , but my lady new fashions is a principall guest . when she meeteth and conuerseth with ladies and gentlewomen , some shee teacheth to paint themselues , some to powder their periwigs , some she doth corrupt in manners , making them to be like her selfe , bold , impudent , immodest , some she induceth to play the harlots . for as she herselfe hath bin a common strumpet from the beginning , so shee hath bin a notorious bawde and a witch , and those women , that shee cannot inchant with her siren tongue , those shee infameth by lying and slandering . and who is it but this old beldame sinne , now bearing the name of the lady new fashions , that setteth a worke these new fangled tailers , these body-makers , these perfumers , these imbroderers , these attire-makers , and all the rest of these inuenters of vanities , that are the instruments of sinne , that doth inforce their whole endeauours to fit her in her follies , and to decke and adorne her in her pride and wantonnesse ? the number , is almost without number , that doth both serue her , and will likewise seeke to defend her , artificers , tradesmen , shopkeepers , men , women and children , are all depending vpon her : and as demetrius , the siluer smith , in the . of the actes , incenced the people against paul , telling the crafts-men , that he went about to diminish the dignitie and reputation of their great goddesse diana , which if he should bring to passe , their gaines would likewise quaill that got their liuings by those workes belonging to her selfe and to her great temple in ephesus : and as these perswasions stirred vp the multitude in those daies , so he that in this age doth but open his lippes to speake against sinne , shall want no accusers , not onely to reprooue him , but also to reproach him . sinne doth neither want siluer-smithes nor gold-smithes , to serue her with plate and garnish her with iewels , that will call him foole that will but speake against her excesse . sinne hath her silkemen and mercers , that doth serue her of lace , silke , sattin , veluet , cloath of siluer , cloath of gold , that will say he is a criticke that will inueigh against her pride . sinne hath her merchants , that will transport the commodities behoouefull for the common wealth , into forraine countries , and will returne backe againe toies and trifles ; that will say he is but a satyrist , that will detect her vanitie . sinne hath her lawyers , that will bring him into the starre-chamber for a libeller , that will speake against her bribery . sinne hath her procters , that will cite him to the commissaries court , and make him doe open penance , that will speake against her whooredome . i might yet speake of women , whereof a great number that are not to be detected with any bodily abuse , that would yet sharpen their tongues to chide at any man that would reprehend those enormities , that sinne by custome had ingrafted in them . but i would i could now admonish ladies and gentlewomen , that amongst all the creatures of gods handie worke , i doe acknowledge to bee most excellent , here vpon the earth : but as the finest cloath is most aptest to take a staine , so their milde dispositions inclined to all compassionate loue and curtesie , are soonest led astray , and most easiest to be seduced . and this olde hagge of hell , this loathsome lady sinne , with her glazed eyes , her painted cheekes , her new-formed fashions , and her inchanting tongue , doth so bewitch and blindfolde their vnderstandings , that when they thinke they conuerse with an angell of light , they giue entertainment to a monster of hell ; but when sinne shall present her selfe to their new awakened soules , in her true forme and shape , and begins once to play the make-bate betweene god and them , and their owne consciences to testifie betweene them and themselues ; then they shall see to their owne sorrow , what saint it is that they haue serued , they shall then perceiue to their great horror and grief , that this darling of theirs so dearly esteemed and beloued , will then be most busie to affright and afflict them . i would , i could wish therefore , ( and with a reuerent regard i doe intreate them ) that they would bethinke themselues of their owne happinesse whilst they haue time , and not to doe as that foolish gentlewoman , that neuer remembred to say her prayers till she heard it thunder . but some wil say , and why women , more then men ) because as women are more flexible , and therefore more apt to be seduced to ill , so they are more tractable againe , and therfore more easie to be induced to vertue . men are composed of an vneuen temperature of the elements , togither with the malitious influence of the planets , prefiguring them to be sturdie , stubborne , froward and ouerthwart ; but women are by nature of a more excellent metall , their hearts are more soft and yeelding , and themselues more pliable to all vertue and goodnesse . there is more possibility to reclaime ten ill liuing women , to a conformitie of a better life , then to reforme one misliuing man. would they now bethinke themselues , when they looke in their glasses , that there is no forehead heeld so gracefull ( amongst many women ) as that which the prophet ieremie tearmeth to be gracelesse , the forehead , that is past shame and cannot blush : let them therefore fall a chiding at their owne resemblances , beginning first with the forehead , and say , ô thou proud and shamelesse forehead , the very chaire and seate of pride : where thou shouldest be deckt with a crowne of glory , thou art clouded and ouershadowed with a monstrous mappe of haire , no lesse offensiue to the maiestie of god , then ougly and deformed in the sight of all good men ; be ashamed therefore of thy intollerable pride , and by thy humilitie , and submissiue lowlinesse , reconcile thy selfe againe to thy god , whom thou hast so highly offended . descending then a little , say yet againe , ô you wandering and lasciuious eyes , the attracters and drawers on of lust and sinfull thoughts ; you that were first created to be the deemers of my discretion , but now become the dimners of the insight of my soule : forbeare your wonted traines of light and wanton glances , seeke now with bitter teares , to bewaile your former follies , and lifting vp your selues to heauen , aske grace and mercie . proceeding thus , you may yet reprooue the tongue that is more apt to speake ill then good : the eares againe that are euer more set wide open to vanitie , but still shut vp to good counsell or godly instruction : and so we may say of all the rest of our necessarie and naturall members , that are displaced of their ordinarie courses : for being first created as the ministers of the soule , are now become the disturbers of our innocency . this externall beautie of the body , so much esteemed of amongst women , when they behold it in a glasse , it should stirre them vp a farre off to display the maiestie of the creator , and from thence should passe with the wings of their cogitations to the contemplation of the highest faire , which is the inuisible beautie of the almighty god , from whence as from a fountaine , all smaller riuers deriue their beauties . it is said that africa , bringeth forth euery yeare a new monster , the reason is , that in the desarts of that countrey , the wilde and sauage beasts , that are both diuerse in nature , and contrarie in kinde , will yet ingender the one with the other : but england hatcheth vp euery moneth a new monster , euery weeke a new sinne , and euery day a new fashion : our monsters are not bred in the desarts , as those in africa , but in euery towne and citty : where they are so chearely fostered , & so daintily cherished that they multiply on heapes , by hundreds and by thousands . it were not possible for me now to set down how this monstrous generation thus hatched vp by sinne , hath beene from time to time procreated and brought into the world , one sinne still begetting an other . pride the eldest daughter of sinne , was first spaund in heauen : shee was from thence expelled ; but shee drew after her a great dissolution of angels . it was pride , that begat contempt in paradise , where there was no apple in the garden so well pleasing to eue , as that which god had forbidden her . it was contempt that begot malice , and malice againe begat murther , when cain kild his brother abell . as the sonnes of men increased in the world , so sinne began to multiply so fast , that god repented him that hee had made man. to purge the world of her abhominations , the deluge came , and all were drowned , except eight persons . after the floud , amongst the sonnes of noah the generation of the accursed cham , became to be great and mightie vpon the earth ; at which time sinne was growne againe to that strength , that shee began on the sudden to play the rebell , and with a tumultuous assembly gathered together in the plaines of shinar , shee began to fortifie her selfe against heauen . amongst those giants , then reigning ouer the face of the earth , that greedy curre couetousnesse , which the apostle tearmeth to be the roote of all euils , was ( amongst a number of other monstrous sinnes ) fostered vp by ambition . couetousnesse , was the first parent of oppression , extortion , bribery , vsury , fraud , deceit , subtilty : and that common strumpet idolatry , was a bastard borne of this broode . idolatry had issue , the lady lecherie , who in processe of time , became so conuersant with the pope and his cardinals , that they procreated amongst them that loathsome sinne of buggery . it would bee a matter of impossibilitie for me to set downe the varieties of those sinnes that are hatched vp in these daies , when so many new fashioned iniquities doth swarme , both in cittie , towne , and country ; that were our bodies but halfe so diseased with sicknesses as our soules be with sins , it could not be auoided , but that some strange and vnheard-of mortality would ensue . the time hath beene , men would maske their vices with cloaked dissimulation from the eye of the world , but now iniquitie is set forth bare fast , without any maske of preteires to hide her ougly visage . they sought to couer their sinnes from the open show , we haue so litle shame , that we neuer seek to shelter them : our ancestors were but bunglers at vice , they had not the wit to grace a sinne , nor to set it forth to the show ; they could but call a spade a spade , a greene goose a gosling , a professed broker , a craftie knaue : we are become farre more exquisite , we can make an owle a hawke , a iacke naaps , a sheepe , an old milne horse , a palfry for a man of honour ; we can call impudency , audacitie , rage , courage , wilinesse , wit , obstinacy , constancy ; and lewde lust , pure loue. our wittes are become more capering then they were in times past , our conceits more nimble , and ready to finde out new trickes , new toies , and new inuentions , as well of follies as of fashions . but what remedie ? pride thinkes scorne to be reprooued or to be told of her faults , she is growne so stubborne and so stately . swearing swaggers out admonition , and will not be reprooued . whooredome and drunkennesse , hath so hid themselues in the maze of vanities , that repentance can no where fiinde them out . rage & fury are produced as argumēts of valour , where the lie shall be giuen but vpon the speaking of a word , & the stab againe returned , but for the giuing of the lie : where not to pleadge a health , is a ground good ynough for a challenge , and the taking of wall , made a heinous matter , whereby many times murther doth insue . but sinners haue three shrewd witnesses to testifie against them , the diuell , the law , and their owne consciences : but if here vpon the earth a mans owne conscience condemnes him for his sinne , how much greater shall be the iudgement of god ? the glory of pride as she passeth through the streetes in this age , doth so farre exceed , that the eye of heauen is ashamed to behold it . and those blessings which god hath giuen vs in great measure , we consume in pride , and wantonnesse , and like swine we beslauer the precious pearles of gods abundant plenty , conuerting them by our excessiue pride , into dearth and scarcity : and this wickednesse ariseth not from turkes , iesuits , heretykes , and papists , but from the professors of true christianity , and euen now in the hottest sunne-shine of the gospell : we haue neglected heauen , to dote vpon the vaine pleasures of the earth , and haue forsaken god , but to wrappe our selues in the excrement of wormes ; a little garded and garnished with the minerall of gold and siluer . how many that are not able to pay honestly for home-spunne cloth , will yet weare silke , and will euery day glister in gold and siluer ? the soule goes euery day in her working day clothes , whilest the body keepes perpetuall holy-day , and iets vp and downe in her seuerall suites . how many againe are so eager of superfluities , that all their racked rents in the country are not able to discharge the shop bookes in the city , when there be that will spend asmuch as some knights be worth , but in a payre of garters , and a payre of shooestrings ? it is pride that hath banished hospitality and good house keeping . it is pride that raiseth the rents and rates of all things vniuersally . it is pride that breadeth our dearth and scarcities : it is pride that impouerisheth city , towne and countrey . it is pride that filles all the prisons in england , and brings a number to the gallowes . it is pride , ( if it be not preuented in time ) that will make a hangmans roome in reuersion , to be a good sute for a gentleman that hath honestly serued his prince and countrey : for howsoeuer hee may shift for meate and drinke , he shall be sure to want no cloathes . it was a happy age when a man might haue wooed his wench , with a paire of kiddes lether gloues , a siluer thimble , or with a tawdry lace ; but now a veluet gowne , a chaine of pearle , or a coach with foure horses , will scarcely serue the turne ; shee that her mother would haue beene glad of a good ambling maare , to haue rode to market on , will not now steppe out of her owne doores , to crosse the other side of the streete , but shee must haue her coache . it was a merry world , when seauen or eight yeards of veluet would haue made a gowne for a lady of honour ; now eighteene will not suffice for her that is scarce worthy to be a good ladies laundresse : we are growne from a peticoate of stamell to cloath of siluer , cloath of gold , silke stockings , and not so much as our shoes , but they must be imbrodered with siluer , with gold , yea and sometimes with pearles . i haue spoken of pride indifferently , how it inforceth a like both men and women ▪ it is pride that draweth after it such a daily innouation of new fashions , that i thinke they haue found out whole mines of new inuentions , or they haue gotten the philosophers stone to multiply , there is such a daily multiplicity , both of follies and fashions . vitellius in his daies searched farre and neare for the varieties of nature , but we haue harrowed hell in these daies for the vanity of new fashions , and ( i thinke ) wee haue found them out ; for hee that had as many eyes as argus , were not able to looke into the one halfe , that are now followed and imbraced aswell by men as women . the prophet esay in his . chapt. maketh mentiō of many strange engins belongeth to women : he speaketh there of oyntments for their lippes , of caules , and round attires for their heads , of sweete balles , bracelets , and bonnets : of tabiletes , earrings , muffelers , wimples , vailes , crisping pinnes , glasses , lawnes , and fine linnen . these and many other vanities belonging to women are there numbred vp : but if the prophet had now lately , but walked one turne through the royal exchange in london , he would haue beene put to his shiftes to haue made a true repetition of the new inuented vanities , that are there to be seene ; and this would more haue troubled him more then all the restt , hat when he had heard them cald by their proper names , he could neuer haue vnderstood whereunto they had belonged , without the helpe of a chamber maide . some will say that these new inuented vanities came first from hell , and i would be loath to excuse the diuell himselfe in the matter , that i know is very ingenious , and is euery day deuising of new ingines , and ( i thinke ) doth keepe an attire-makers shops , whereby to attempt and allure both men and women , to sinne : but this i dare assure my self , that our ladies and gentlewomen in these daies are so exceeding in their attires , and so deformed in their fashions , that all the ladies and gentlewomen that be in hell ▪ did neuer weare nor see the like . there be many both men and women , that to follow the new fashion , hath marde that fashion that god himselfe hath formed . i protest i haue many times beene hartily sorry , to see some women , whom god and nature had adorned with beauty , with perfection , and with comelinesse of personage , that haue disguised themselues in that sort , with the deformities of fashions , that of amiable and louely creatures , they haue transformed themselues to be most deformed and loathsome monsters . there is a decorum to be kept ( but especially amongst women ) in attiring of themselues ; for that attire that is comely for a round well-formed visage is as vnseemely againe in her that hath a little , a leane , or a long face : but as euery shooe is not fit for euery foote , nor euery medicine to be applyed to euery maladie , so euery fashion , doth not befit euery person , nor euery colour agree with euery complexion . the woman therefore that is wise , will fit her selfe with such a fashion , as may adde comelinesse to her owne proportion : but mine intent is not here to instruct women how to adorne themselues to the show of the world , when there is no ornament so pretious wherewithall to beautifie a woman , as is the beauty of a good and godly behauiour . this one instruction i wil yet leaue to those that are desirous to follow the fashion : their is not a greater enemy to all complexions , either in men or women , then is this found fantasie of yellow starched bands , and therefore as it is a certain argument of vanity , so there can not be a more ridiculous follie . the woman shall not weare that which apperteineth to the man , neither shall a man put on womans rayment : for all that doe so , are abomination to the lord thy god. a precept left vnto vs by the almightie , deuteronom . . but the yong man in this age , that is not strumpet like attired , doth thinke himselfe quite out of fashion , and the yong woman againe , that as well in her behauiour , as in the manner of her apparrell is most ruffian like , is accounted the most gallant wench : and i know not what to say , or whether i should accuse men , for suting themselues in womens apparrell , or whether i should accuse women for suting themselues in mens apparell ; but this is certaine , that their hattes , their feathers , their bands so bestitched , so beedged , so belaced , and in their ridiculous banbeles , sir named picadillies , yea and in their gownes to , they are so sutable and like in fashion , that there is no more difference to be seene , then is betweene a horse shooe , and a maares shooe . we are better knowne the one of vs to the other by our faces , then we are by our vertues , and yet we are better knowne by our follies , then we are by our faces : but if we did not looke asquint at the matter , we should finde , that as we haue prouoked the wrath of god by our strange and new fangled fashions , so he hath in a sort requited vs againe , with as many strange and vnknowne diseases , almost euery yeare with a new kinde of sicknesse , such as our phisitions are no lesse ignorant of the cure , then they be of the cause from whence proceeding . and what is it now , but the custome of new fashions , that hath foisted in that indian plant tobacco ? that till now of late was neuer knowne but amongst indians , barbarians , and such infidels as did euery day adore and worship the diuell , but it is now so entertained amongst vs both in england and ireland , that all the nations in christendome besides do laugh at our folly . if it were but halfe so pretious as a number would perswade , i thinke the people of other parts of christendome could looke into it aswell as wee , neither amongst our selues could it be so much desired in such generalitie , for the multitude was neuer inclined yet greatly to imbrace vertue , or to like of any thing that were good . but some will say , i doe want matter to quarrell with that will be finding fault with the souereigntie of tobacco , that is so much admired , and therewithall , so generally receiued . i confesse it maketh drunken euerie day in the weeke , the whole rablement of panders , parasites , bawdes , brokers , knights of the post , hostlers , tapsters , tinkers , tailers , coblers , costermongers , and the whole generation of drunkards , cut and long taile , one and other : and i doe looke that all these will censure me from the tribunall of their alebench . now for that olde prouerbe , sometimes avowed by them that will crie out the more the merrier , yet let them know that the multitude of such guests , shall adde to the horrour of miseries . but yet to blemish and to make dimme this my looking glasse , by belching out their stinking vapour , they will speake of knights , gentlemen , oldmen , yong men , wise men , learned men that doe all vse to take it , and will likewise defend it . i know there be knights and gentlemen both , that doe vent more smooke out of their nostrils , then they doe out of their kitchin chimnies ; and old men and yong men may bee led astray , the one through dotage , the other too much inclined to follow the fashiō : but for those that are accounted to bee so wise and learned , that will stand so much in the defence of their tobacco , cardinall bellarmin will doe as much in defence of the pope , and in the approbation of his idolatrous masse . shall wee then denie the phisitians testimony , will not his authoritie suffice in the matter ? giue me leaue to answer master doctor thus ; i will inforce against his philosophy , that which can not erre , and that is the experience which many ages hath taught vs : that before tobacco was euer knowne in england , wee liued more free from all manner of sicknesses , then we haue done sithens : and let them looke yet againe to the time now present , there be a number that neuer meddied with tobacco , in their liues , doe they not liue in more perfect health then those that doe take it fastest ? if they doe not see this , they are but blind doctors , & some will say that an ignorant phisition is the worst of all diseases , and god blesse me and my friends from his physicke that wil prefer his owne skill before a known experience . but they say tobacco is physical : the greater their folly that will then take it too fast , when the best phisicke accouuted best indeede , is to take no phisicke at all vnlesse vpon vrgent occasion , but he that taketh phisicke euery day , can neuer haue a healthfull body . well , yet they say tobacco is of an excellent operation for the drying vp of rheumes , dropsies , and of all other moist humors whatsoeuer : as good a medicine pickt out for those diseases as he that poured on oyle to quench the fire , when tobacco is but made a shooing horne to drawe downe drinke , when euery pipe must haue his pot , and when both pipe and pot must still walke the round , and march togither arme in arme , as louingly as the whore and the bawde . but here is now a vertue pickt out that cannot be denied , we see it with our eyes what water and rheume it bringeth vp , and maketh vs to spit in that abundance , as must be very holesome to be so auoided ; but if the vertue of tobacco be so precious becaus it wil make a man to spit & to spaule , learne this of me ; thou that so much desirest to driuell & to slauer , take but one dragme of the abstract that is drawne out of a close-stoole ; it shall goe further for that purpose then a whole ounce of the best tobacco that euer came out of the west indies , be it pudding or leafe . let me intreate the gentle reader a little to pardon me , though i somewhat stray from the bounds of modesty , it is but to expresse one loathsomnesse by another . i cannot tell what reuerent tearmes i might vse to deliuer their rude inciuility , that whilest they are taking their tobacco do so spit and spaule , driuell and slauer , in that loathsome and vnmannerly sort , as were ynough to make either man or woman to turne vp their stomacks , especially if they were such as had beene trained vp in ciuility , or had any regard of cleanlinesse . i know not therefore whether of the twain i might condemne to be most loathsome and beastly , whether the common drunkard , or the smoake taking tobacconest , the one vomits vp his draffe when he is drunke , the other slauers out his driuell when he is sober ; a sight as vnlouely to looke on the one as the other : but if gentlemen did know what sophisticated stuffe it were that they did buy at so deare a rate , i thinke some of them would be better aduised ; we might else conclude that draffe were good ynough for swyne , and that a barley corne were fitter for esops cocks then a precious stone . the tobacconist yet hath this speciall vertue , when he hath bestirred himselfe well to his tobacco-pipe , he will be more thankfull for a penny pot of drinke then he will for a two-penny loafe of bread . it is not without some speciall cause that i doe thus inueigh against tobacco , when for myne owne part i am not so squemish but that i can aswell endure the loathsomnesse of the sight , as the filthinesse of the stinke : but if it were aduisedly looked into and well considered of , we should finde that the masse of treasure that is yearely blowne out of the tobacco pipe , would suffice to giue royal pay to an army of forty thousand souldiers , either for the seruice of the king , or the defence of the country if neede should so require : or might rather be imployed to many other charitable vses , now in this miserable time , then to be so vainely consumed and spent as it is . i referre it to the iudgment of any man that hath but the grace or feare of god before his eyes . now to set downe myne owne conceit what i do assuredly beleeue , from whence it should proceede that the english aboue all the nations in christendome besides are so much inclined to doate on this stinking smoaky vapor : i thinke it to be an engine of the diuels owne deuising , who by his ministers hath thus dispersed this misty hellish fogge to stirre vp sinne and wickednesse , and in that place aboue al the rest where true religion doth shine most bright , and the word of god hath freest passage . let vs but now a litle looke into the enormity : it is tobacco that consumeth that wealth that might be imploied to many godly vses . it is tobacco that in euery tauern , inne , and alehouse , is now as common as any curtizan . it is tobacco that harlot like holdeth in society , the base and rascall sort of people , and containeth them as well in idlenesse , as in drunkennsse . it is tobacco that maketh the poore artificer to spend that at night , that he hath laboured for all the whole day , whilest his wife and poore children do sit at home without bread . it is tobacco that maketh a rich man a poore man , a poore man a starke begger , a wise man a foole , an old man to dote , and a yong man to admire his owne ignorance . it is tobacco that draweth to drunkennesse , from drunkennesse to swearing , from swearing to quarrelling , from quarrelling to stabbing , killing , and murthering . it is the excessiue taking of tobacco , that hath hurt a great many , and of mine owne knowledge hath killed some outright . for him that wil yet oppose me with his owne experience , and will tell me what himselfe hath felt of the vertue of tobacco : i will intreat him to pardon me , though i giue no better credit to his words then i do to the papist , that will protest in good earnest that he hath found himselfe to be better assisted by his prayers to our lady , then he hath beene by the power of our lord , and will not let to sweare that a popes blessing is ynough to preserue him from all the diuels in hell , that will not so much as protect him from the poore hangman . the diuell that hath so many superstitious conceits wherewith to blindfold the papist , is not vnfurnished of vaine impressions wherewith to be sot the tobacconist : to conclude , he that can take tobacco , drinke bottle-ale , play an after game at tables , and weare a picadilly , is a compleat man fit for the time , and pleasing to all companies . i haue thus presented to your view , first the true picture of pride , together with the folly of new-fashions , amongst the which this inordinate taking of tobacco , as it is the most vaine , so it is the most loathsome . i would now giue you a little glimce of that accursed curre couetousnesse , and of some one or two of those whelpes , that are crept out of his owne kennell , namely bribery and vsurie ; for the rest that be of the same litter , as oppression , extortion , exaction , and a number such other like , i may let them yet sleepe till fitter opportunitie may serue to awaken them . they say it is not good to awake a barking dogge , but these bee all byting curres , that sheepe-biter like , doe euery day rauen and worrie the whole common-wealth . couetousnesse is the curre , that deuoureth his owne actaeon ▪ it is the charybdis , that greedie gulfe , that swalloweth vp all without respect either of friend or foe , either of vertuous or vitious : it is the canker of the common-wealth , that eateth vp the gettings of the poore . it is the viper that poisoneth the eares of princes , teaching them to set aside all iust and honourable dealing . it is couetousnesse , that thinketh nothing to be vnlawfull , where either gaine is to be begotten , or gold to be gathered . it is couetousnesse , that maketh no conscience in gathering of gold , nor spilling of blood , holding nothing to be vnlawfull that bringeth in gaine . it is couetousnesse , that eateth vp the meanes , that the poore haue to liue by , and that reaues the sweate from the labourers browes . the couetous wretch heapeth together abundance of wealth , with paine , with trauell , with periurie , with oppression , with vsurie , with extortion , with wronging their neighbours , with the curse of the poore : which they leaue againe to their vnthrifty heires , no lesse prodigall in spending , then their fathers were miserable in gathering . couetous persons ( amongst all other ) are most pernitious to be admitted to the administration of iustice ; for by how much more they be aduanced to greatnesse , by so much the more they are accursed of the poore people , and daily vengeance denounced against them ▪ by as many as doe but heare them spoken of . the couetous miser is then most ready to deuoure , when he makes semblance of greatest loue and amitie , and when he begins once to giue precepts of good counsell , his aduise is then most dangerous , for if it bring not poison in the mouth , be sure it brings a sting in the taile : o what paines the miser will take , but to coniure a little money into the narrow circle of a canuas bagge , he thinketh that the angels of heauen are not comparable to the angels that be in his purse . i thinke if hell were a place of returne , and that either gold or gaine were there to be gotten , more triple headed dogges then one , were not able to defend the entry . mammon is a great god , and hee is honoured by no base persons ; he is serued by the rich and reuerenced by the mighty . bribery is a bird of the same wing , though not so great a god as mammon , yet mightily befriended , defended and supported . but as a man that hath change of names , is seldome found to be honest , so a bribe that is sometimes great by the name of a gift , sometimes of a present , sometimes of a gratification , sometimes of a beneuolence , doth so slily passe from hand to hand vnder so many names and titles , that bribery indeed , is hardly discerned . vnder these names and showes bribery many times preiudiceth the seruice of the prince , peruerteth good lawes , and armeth all sorts of sinners with boldnesse to offend . the lawes and ordinances that are sometimes decreed in cities and townes corporate , for the common good of the inhabitants , briberie so dissolueth them , as if they had beene ordained to no other purpose but to bring in gifts and rewards : and god forgiue them their sinnes that will say , their be many institutions , ordained ( indeed ) amongst these inferiour sort of towne magistrates , rather to bring in bribes , then to punish abuse . bribery many times standeth in the doore of greatnesse , and sometimes helpes vp iniurie to the place of audience ; but he that hath but a bad matter to follow , briberie , is the man , that must first do his message : for he that hath art and skill , to know both how to giue and take a bribe , he hath the onely approoued medicine , to passe through any affaires that are possible to be effected . there be many notes whereby thou maiest know a briber , for all his cunning counterfeiting , but take these few for the most speciall : he loueth still to be neere about a magistrate , or at the elbow of any other great person in place and authority , and if you marke him well , he is euer more incroaching , to creepe into an office , and if you misse him in any of these places , you shall lightly hit vpon him amongst some of the clarkes , that are belonging to some of the foure courts . i would be glad now to present to your view , the true picture of vsury , but there hath beene question made of vsury what it is ; some would haue it to consist onely in the letting of money : but if we could aswell vnderstand the spirituall , as we do plod at the litterall , there was neuer more occasion to exclaime against vsury , then at this present . but it is written , thou shalt not giue thy money to vsurie : therefore to extort , to exact , to oppresse , to deceiue , by false waights , by false measures , by lying , by flattering , by periurie , or by any other manner of deceitful villanie : they thinke it honest trade and traffique . the land-lord , that racketh vp his rents , the farmer , that hoiseth vp the market , the merchant that robbeth the realme , the shop-keeper , that buyeth by one weight and selleth by another ; the baker flatly cossineth the poore , in euery loafe of bread , that hee buieth to fill his belly ; the bruer that is no lesse deceitful in the measure of his caske , then in the price of his beere ; the craftie tradesman , the deceitfull artificer : what are all these and many other moe that might be here inserted , if they be not vsurers , what are they but arrant theeues ? and i would here craue the censure of diuinity , whether hee that will not sell but for excessiue gaine , whether he that selleth vpon trust , and will therefore hoise vp his commoditie to the higher prizes ; whether he that will not lend vpon a pawne , vnlesse he may buy it out right to the great hinderance of the partie that selleth it ; whether he that takes aduantage of his neighbours necessitie either in buying or selling ; whether he that purchaseth his neighbours house or liuing out of his hands , whether he that buies an office thereby to poule and pill , whether he that doth take excessiue gaine , or excessiue fees , whether these or such other like are to be accounted vsurers , or nay , and whether all these things thus mentioned and spoken of are not as fit to be reformed , as the vsurie in lending of mony ? there be some that haue done their indeauours for the reforming of vsurie : but now , as the apostle saith , the law speaketh to them , that are vnder the law , romanes . so i speake now of the place where my selfe was resident at the writing of these lines , namely , at the cittie of dubline in ireland , where mony being scant , and where there bee no lenders but vpon good securitie , and profit both togither ; yet in dubline ( as in all other places ) men are driuen vpon necessarie occasions ( that haue not money of their owne ) to borrow of others that haue to lende , though they sometimes pay dearely for it ; whereupon some well disposed persons ( stirred vp by a godly zeale ) beganne to inueigh against vsurie , wherein without doubt , they honestly discharged their duties towards god , but the vsury that they so much reprehended , was onely the vse of lending of mony : when pretermitting now to speake of the excessiue gaine that is incroached by shopkeepers , and by all other sorts of tradesmen that do liue by buying and selling : i dare boldely auouch thus much , that all the vsury , and extortion , or call it what you will , that is vsed by bakers , and brewers alone , is tenne times more grieuous and especially to the poorer sort of people , then all the interest that is taken for the letting out of mony . but they onely denounced against the letting of mony , and they did it no doubt but according to the rule of gods word , for the lending of mony to vse is directly forbidden by gods owne mouth , and therefore sinne ; but the inconuenience that i do finde is this , vsury is reprooued , but it is not defined but according to the letter , whereupon the great vsurers indeed , that do thinke that in their trade of buying , and selling , the gaine of one hundred pounds for an other a great deale too little , and that howsoeuer they can defraud or exact by bargaining , they do thinke themselues to be very honest and true dealing men ; and that this prohibition : thou shalt not put thy mony to vsury , doth nothing at all concerne them ; and as they suppose , it stretcheth no further then to the lending of mony , when many great diuines haue giuen their opinions , that as in that petition giue vs this day our daily bread : all our other necessaries are there comprehended ; so in those wordes , thou shalt not giue thy mony to vsurie : all other excessiue gaine , is likewise included . to this agreeth the opinion of that ancient father saynt hierome , who writing vpon the prophet ezekiel , deliuereth these wordes , some think that there is no vsury but in mony . this did the holy scriptures fore-see , and therefore taketh away all excessiue increase or gaine in any thing . what should i need to bring any further testimony in this case , when there is no learned diuine that did euer deny it ? i would not haue men therefore to flatter themselues too much , or to thinke themselues more honest then they be ; for he that taketh excessiue gaine in any thing , is as great a vsurer as he that lendeth out mony : but he that hath the most corrupted lungs himselfe , will soonest complaine of the vnsauoury breath of others . and who will be more ready to exclaime against vsury then he that is himselfe the greatest vsurer ? vsury needs no more but the bare name to make it hatefull : the ribauld , the robber , the theefe , the murtherer , the drunkard , the whore-master , the swearer , the blasphemer , they all cry out against vsury ; they that are of noreligion will yet pleade religion , and bitterly raile at him , that lendeth mony to vse : he that hath no conscience at all , will yet pretend a conscience , and wil exclaime against the vsurer : when if he did but looke into his owne impiety , or if his owne faules were written in his forehead , he might pulle his cap ouer his browes as low as his neighbours : but whilest they would bereaue the vsurer of his interest , they themselues would robbe him of his principall . i would not haue any man to thinke that what i haue formerly spoken is in the defence of vsury , that i know at all times , in all places and by all good men , hath euer bin condemned . i am now come to figure forth a sinne that in a certain kinde hath some affinity with vsury , and that is that monstrous sinne of murther : for as he that in bargianing , buying , & selling , can by any fraudulent or deceitful meanes , circumuent , or so ouer reach his neighbour to make him pay for a commodity three times more in value then it is worth , yet this he accounteth to be no vsury , nor any manner of cracke to his credit or reputation ; but doth thinke it to be merchant-like , or tradseman-like traffique , and will in no wise acknowledge himselfe to be an vsurer : so the malicious wretch that by practise and by pollicy seeketh the vtter wracke and ruine of his neighbour whom he doth maligne , so long as he layeth no violent hands on him , he thinketh himself to be no murtherer at all . when the high priests by subtilty brought christ to pilate , and by false accusations procured his death , they thought themselues to be cleane and pure . pilate againe , when he had deliuered christ to be crucified , washed his hands , and pronounced himselfe to be innocent : but our sauiour christ in the fift of mathew , hath there determined the matter , both what murther is ; & who is a murtherer ; his words be these : ye haue heard how that it was said , to them of old time , kill not , for whosoeuer killeth shall be in danger of iudgment . but i say vnto you , whosoeuer is angry with his brother shall be in danger of iudgment ; and whosoeuer saieth to his brother racha , shall be in danger of councell , but whosoeuer saieth to his brother , thou foole , shall be in danger of hell fire . the pharisies that had corrupted the scriptures with their false glosses , interpreted this place : he that slayeth shall be guilty or in danger of iudgment , that is to say , if a man commit a murther , his act is ynough to testifye against him , there needs no more but to pronounce the sentence of death : this text did the pharisies extend no further then to kill with the hand , or to murther by stroke or dent of weapon ; but our sauiour christ restoring againe the true sence , auowed flatly , that a man to be angry with his brother , is to murther him , and deserueth death , for the law is not so much respecting to the hand , as to the heart . but this is a hard saying saith the malicious , but yet a true saying , as saint iohn in his first epistle , & . chap. plainly affirmeth , that he that hateth his brother is a murtherer . but now actuall murther indeed findeth friends , and to kill a man ▪ though sometimes cowardly , it is rather reputed for man-hood , then for murther , or will be found but man-slaughter or chance-medly : and there be that can tell how to murther a man with a pinne , better then they know how to do with a pyke , and dare aduenture to murther him with a word , that they neuer durst looke in the face with a sword ; but these sorts of murtherers are not to be taxed , when murther in former ages hath beene knowne sometimes to sit roabed in scarlet , and when histories do make mention of some mercilesse magistrats , that hath murthered more poore suiters with their currish answers , then the hangman of london did euer strangle with his hempen halter . to conclude , as amongst vsurers , those that do offend by the letting out of mony , are the fewest in number , so amongst murtherers , the number is farre more greater of those that doth both slay and slaughter by their merciles cruelty , then are the other that do most bloudily commit murther with their hands . but see here a monster in nature , that preaseth now to show himselfe in my glasse , a common drunkard , the very dregges of double beere , and strong ale : amongst men a beast , and amongst beasts a very swyne . a drunkard is called the king of good-fellowes , but it is but a drunken kind of good-fellowship , when amongst all sorts of friends , a drunken friend is most to be detested and abhorred . a drunken friend is the worst friend that may be , for in his drunkennesse he discloseth all that he knoweth : the drunkard dissolueth all his gettings into the pot , and drowneth all his vertues in the ale-fat : he is not fit to be imploied in any good or godly exercise . there are three things that are not to be credited , a woman when she weepes , a merchant when he sweares , nor a drunkard when he prayes . but it is accounted now to proceed from a generous spirit , to be drunken once a day , and they haue gotten coniurations , and inchantments , whereby to draw on drunkennesse . a health to the king , a health to the queene , a health to my lord , a health to my ladie : and who dares deny to pledge one of these healthes ? they will scarcely auow him to bee a good subiect , that will denie to pledge the kings health : as though the king were honoured by a company of drunken sots , that will make themselues beasts , vnder the pretence to doe the king honour . it is like the honour the idolatrous papists doe giue to the virgin marie , who in a superstitious zeale do attribute that to her for honour , that being well examined , is her greatest dishonour . these art-magicke charmes , that do draw on men to powre in more then they are able to beare , if it bee not vomited vp againe by the drunkard himself , it is yet spewed out of the soule of him that doth behold it with an honest conscience . the prophet esay in his third chap pronounceth an endlesse woe vnto them that are mighty to draw downe drinke , and as their end is damnation , so their damnation is without end . but see , here comes in the adulterer , with his harlot in his hand ; but they must needs goe ( they say ) that the diuell driues , and there is no hope to keepe out whoredome , where drunkennesse her gentleman vsher hath free and quiet passage to leade the way . whoredome hath many friends in these daies , a number of fauorites , that giueth her boldnesse whereby shee insinuates her selfe into the world . salomon tels vs , that the plague is in the house of the harlot , and that shee sits in the doores of her house on a seat in the high places of the cittie . whoredome scornes to be closed vp in any obscure place , no , shee hath friends to boulster her out , and to support her in the highest and most principall places of the city . harlots now adaies ; do not lurke in by corners as theeues are wonted , nor in secret chambers , as strumpets haue bin accustomed , nor in close clossets as conspiring papists , when they be at their masse ; but shee frequents the principall places of the cittie , where shee giues entertainment to those that comes vnto her , that are not of the basest sort , but many times of the best reputed : but they do not know , saith salomon , that the dead are in her house , and that her guests are in the depth of hell . and wilt thou yet enter her house , that carries death and damnation about her ? beware of her , thou that art wise ; shee first inticeth , and then shee killeth , she wooes thee with her eyes , for in these daies eyes can both speake and vnderstand , and the harlot baits her desires , with a number of prostituted countenances whereby to allure and intice . as the harlot destroieth his soule that doth frequent her , so she is a plague to the flesh , more infectious to the body then the common pestilence , and carries more diseases about her , then is in an hospitall . and as the knowne whoremonger , is but of a rotten reputation , so he is most commonly as full of loathsome diseases ; or let it be that god sometimes doth suffer whoremongers to liue , till they may stroke there gray and hoarie haires , yet they neuer escape the filthy diseases of botches , byles , aches , inflâmation , & of that loathed disease of the french poxe , a litle gilded ouer by the name of the gowt , or sometimes of the sciatica : & besides a corporall stroke of heauens heauy hand in this life , the whoremōger shal feele the fearefull addition of an eternall woe in the fire of hell . the harlot is like a new play , that being thrice presented on the stage , begins to grow staale . and the harlot that is once past thirty fiue yeares , is fitter to furnish an hospitall , then to garnish a bed chamber . the prouerbe is old , a popes bull , a dead mans skull , and an old trull , are not all worth a pound of wooll : marry there is some comfort yet left to a harlot , when shee comes to yeares , for an old whore will make a spicke and span new bawde . the best commendations , i can giue to a harlot is this ; she brings a man to repentance in the end , though not for his sinnes , yet to curse the time that euer he knew her . harlots be of two kinds , the one induced the rather vnto it , by the currish demeanure of an vnkinde husband : or sometimes inforced to play the strumpet to relecue her want , ô ( perhaps ) to vphold her pride : these kinde of harlots are very secret , in all their carriages , & wil make choice of such friends ( as neere as they can ) as shall conceale all their escapes , and maintaine their reputations in the eye of the world . a second sort there be that setting aside all feare of god , or shame of the world , doth surrender thēselues to whoredome , through the vitious heate of there own intemperat desires : these be those that doth liue of the spoile of all comers : they consume them in goods , in body , and in soule that doth frequent them . and these are desirous to make themselues knowne strumpets to the world , thereby to get themselues to be hunted after and sought vnto : for these are ready for all that will come , and that they might be the rather noted in their vocation , they doe manifest themselues in there attire , in there demeanure , in there audacious boldnesse and immodest behauiour . they will shew themselues what they be , at maskes , at meetings , at banquets , at feasts , which they will still frequent , but of purpose to seeke acquaintance , and to draw in customers . the time hath bin when a woman that had bin once infamed , should haue bin shunned , nay shee should haue bin scorned of euery good woman , and shee that had beene honest ( indeede ) would neuer haue endured her companie that had beene tainted in her credit : but now euery marked creature , that is notorious to the world , will insinuate her selfe into the most principall places , and into the companie of those women that are not onely regarded for their greatnesse , but in like manner esteemed for their goodnesse . but i will not take vpon me to detect ladies and gentlewomen , what company they shall keepe , but the old prouerbe can no longer hold , that birds of a wing will flie together : but alas poore vertue , sul little doest thou know how much thou wrongest thy selfe , by thy associating thy selfe thus with vice , when the practise of a harlot is , that where shee knoweth a woman to bee most worthily renowned , and most honourably esteemed for her vertue ; there shee will intrude and prease to get admittance , not so much to countenance her selfe , as to disgrace & discredit the other , bending all her endeauours to diminish the reputation of euery good woman , and to bring them into a suspitious coniecture , to be birds all of one feather . how many women , both good and honest , ( and sometimes honourable ) that by this practise of insinuating harlots , hath beene betraied and infamed ? and as good women , by their ouer much kindnes and affability , haue sometimes thus diminished their own credits : so men that be of place and authoritie , had neede be very warie and circumspect , how they giue grace or entertainement to a woman that hath beene noted to be of lewde life : for besides , it breedeth suspition in as many as doth behold it ; so it is the rather confirmed , when euery harlot is desirous to slander her selfe with great personages , and the greater a man is either in office or dignitie , by so much the more shee is desirous to be slandered by him : for shee is not ignorant , but that to be accounted a paramour to him that is had in any regard at all , is auaileable for her aduantage : and shee makes vse of it for seuerall purposes : for first , shee prizes her selfe at the higher rate amongst her baser companions that doth frequent her , then otherwise she could do . againe it shelters her from being cald in question , for who dares detect her that they thinke shall be supported and borne out by so mightie friends ? it yet againe so armeth her with that audacious boldnesse , that shee dares insinuate her selfe into any company , be they neuer so honest , that otherwise would spit at her . but what woman would be honest now adaies , when the worse a woman liues , the better shee is thought on : if there be any that liues in want , it is poore chastitie , shee findes fewest friends , and least countenance . he that hath a wife , if shee be a little wanton , shee is as good as comminseede , to draw home customers , & there hath beene husbands , that hath had discreetion to make vse of it ; as phanlius the argian , who to raise his fortunes , offered his wife to king philip : and as galba , who seeing mecenas to cast some amarous glances on his wife , shrunk downe vpon his cushion , as one oppressed with sleepe , thereby to giue him the better scoope , whereby he might persist . he that can thus tollerate , may keepe his wife to ruffle it out amongst the best , without any charge to his owne purse , and shee will winne him many friends , that will bring him in caates , to the kitchin , fish , foule , wine sugar , spice , the prouerbe is old , though to make vp a rime , it be a little vnmannerly : i. blessed be the hoole , that brings in both wood and coole : that helpes to pay house-rent , and some mony to the good mans purse . women are wise , and by their sleights they haue emperours idle , as amthoxy , strong men feeble as sampson , valiant men effeminate as hercules : wise men dissolute , as salomon : and eloquent men lasciuious , as aurelius . but i hope all that i haue said , cannot offend those women that be good , whom i protest , i haue euer reuerenced , and doe still esteeme to be more pretious then silues or gold , and therefore to be honoured of all good men ; but as the apostle writing to the corinthians : there must be heresies , that those that are prooued may bee knowne : so say i , amongst women , there must be some bad amongst the good ; that those that are good indeed may be the more glorious ▪ but yet i would wish ladies and gentlewomen , that do tender their owne credits , to be well aduised how they conuerse or giue entertainment to those womē that be bad ; because if the rules of philosophy be true , there is not a better meane to discerne of men or women what they be , then to measure them by the company that they are accustomed to keepe . but let vs enter a little into consideration , how we might distinguish betweene a good woman and a bad : we cannot do it by the outward show ; for if we should ayme our iudgments but according to their lookes , we might sometimes thinke the old painted face of proserpsna , to be the same that it was , when she first became to be plutoes wife . if we should iudge of them but by the show of their apparrell , we might many times presuppose the vertuous yong woman , to be a lasciuious curtizan ; they are al alike attired in their coloured silkes , and they do so narrowly imitate the one the other , both in forme and fashion , as that they cannot be discerned but onely by behauiour . i am not ignorant , but that silke , siluer , yea and gold it selfe , were created by the almighty god : and not onely for his owne glory , but likewise for necessities sake , and may well be vsed by good and godly persons , such as are in degree , and of ability to pay for them . we haue some presidents out of the holy scriptures : isaac a godly man sent bracelets , and other habiliments of gold to rebecca , a good and a vertuous woman : and we reade of hester , that sometimes clad her selfe in rich and sumptuous apparrell , protesting before god that she did it to no other end , then to feede the liking of that great king assuerus , that had chosen her for his wife . and iudith praised in the scriptures for a godly woman , though after the death of her husband , during the time of her widdow-hoode she suited herselfe in sackcloth , yet whilest her husband liued , she had beene both sumptuous in apparrell and rich in iewels and other pretious ornaments , wherewith she afterwards decked herselfe , but of purpose to free the citty of bethulia from the power of holofernus , that then had besiged the same . it is not the frocke that maketh the fryer the more deuout , nor the garments of any woman , a true confirmation of incontinency of her body . this therefore may well be auowed by the rule of christian sobriety : that a woman ( neither exceeding the decency of fashion , nor going beyond the limits of her owne estate , nor surpassing the bounds of her husbands calling ) but that such a woman may weare any thing . silke , siluer , and gold , are things iudifferent of themselues , the vse is all whereunto they are imployed : yet as there is a conueniency to be vsed in behauiours , so there is a decency to be followed in fashion ; neither do i think that all fashions that are now in vse , are fit for euery good woman to follow . i am perswaded , that a number of these new inuented gaudes that be now in vse and custome , were first deuised to please the appetites of such women , as were either of loose life or of little wit , & afterwards becomming generall , were taken vp & reputed for the new fashion : and that many women againe , that are both good & gracious , are the more inclined to follow them the rather to auoid suspition , either that they are not able to support it as other women , be or otherwise to be accounted hypocrites and contumelious despisers of that which is receiued by all . there is not a woman so vaine or vngodly that can deuise a toy ( be it neuer so fond and foolish ) but it is taken vp for a fashion , and then it is as good a warrant as a non omittas to an vnder sherife , for euery woman to follow . but where chastitie is ioyned with vanitie , what commendations it may merite , i will leaue to good women themselues to be censured . this i would inferre , that the incontinent woman is no so easily coniectured by the outward show , as by the inward disposition . do you see her that is sumptuous in apparrell , that doth shine in silke , in siluer , and in gold , that is deckt with gems , and lewels , that be rich and precious ? looke into her ability , is she able to pay for them , doth she not exceed the limits of her degree and calling ? she vseth them then to the glory of god , that hath created them to that end and purpose , to decke and ornifie such worthy persons . see yet another that is gaudy to the show , garish to looke vpon , and new fangled in all the manner of her attire : looke yet againe into her disposition , is she sober , is she silent , is she bashfull , is she modest ? let vs thinke reuerently of that woman , let vs not iudge of her by the outward show , she doth but follow the fashion . i would i could now frame a cleanely excuse for those women that be painted , that be poudered , that be periwigde ; that do bend their whole endeauours but to the adorning of their bodily beauties , as if they had beene created of god , but onely to make themselues to appeare to be gay and beautifull but i know not how to do it , for she that is not ashamed to falsify those exterior parts of the body , is much to be suspected that she will make little conscience to adulterate the inward beauty of the mind . but amongst these women that do so much affect this bodily beauty , tell one of them of some other woman that is reputed to be more wise , more modest , or more vertuous then herselfe , alas it is a matter of nothing , the newes doth little offend her ; but tell her of another that is reputed to be more beautifull , more faire , or better fauoured then herself , this is a heauy crosse indeed , ynough to make her sicke , and keepe her chamber , and there is nothing that doth more grieuously afflict her , then to see another womans gowne , more gawdy then her owne . but my promise was to giue rules how to distinguish betweene a good woman and a bad , and promise is debt , but i must be wel aduised how i take the matter in hand ; for we were better to charge a woman with a thousand defects in her soule , then with that one abuse of her body ; and we must haue two witnesses , besides our owne eyes , to testifie , or we shall not be beleeued : but i haue bethought my selfe of a couple that i hope will carrie credit . the first is the prophet esay , that in his daies challenged the daughters of sion for their stretched out neckes , their wandring eyes , at their mincing and wan ton demeanure as they passed through the streetes : these signes and showes haue beene euer thought to be the especiall markes whereby to know a harlot . but salomon in a more particular manner doth better furnish vs with more assured notes , and to the end that wee might the better distinguish the good woman from the bad , he deliuereth their seuerall qualities , and wherein they are opposite : and speaking of a good woman he saith , shee seeketh out wooll and flaxe , and laboureth cheerefully with her hands : shee ouerseeth the waies of her houshold , and eateth not the bread of idlenesse . salomon thinketh that a good woman should be a home housewife , he pointeth her out her houseworke . shee ouerseeth the waies of her houshold , shee must looke to her children , her seruants and family : but the pathes of a harlot ( he saith ) are mooueabl , for now shee is in the house , now in the streetes , now shee lieth in waite in euery corner , shee is still gadding from place to place , from person to person , from companie to company : from custome to custome , shee is euer more wandring ; her feete are wandring , her eies are wandring , her wits are wandring , her waies are like the waies of a serpent : hard to be found out . a good woman ( againe ) openeth her mouth with wisedome , the law of grace is in her tongue : but a harlot is full of words , shee is loude and babbling , saith salomon . shee is bold , shee is impudent , shee is shamelesse , shee can not blush : and shee that hath lost all these vertues , hath lost her euidence of honesty : for the ornaments of a good woman is temperance in her minde , silence in her tongue , and bashfulnesse in her countenance . it is not shee that can lift vp her heeles highest in the dancing of a galliard , that is lauish of her lips or loose of her tongue . now if salomons testimonie be good , the woman that is impudent , immodest , shamelesle , insolent , audacious , a night-walker , a company-keeper , a gadder from place to place , a reueler , a ramper , a roister , a rioter : shee that hath these properties , hath the certaine signes , and markes of a harlot , as salomon hath avowed . now what credit his words will carrie in the commissaries court , i leaue to those that be aduocates , and procters in womens causes . i haue hitherto presented to your view the true resemblance of a harlot , aswell what shee is , as how shee might be discerned : i would now giue you the like notice of that notable strumpet , the whore of babylon , that hath made so many kings and emperours drunke with the cup of abhominations , by whom the nations of the earth haue so defiled themselues by their spirituall fornication , called in the scripture by the name of idolatrie , ( but now within these last . yeares , amongst christians ) shadowed vnder the title of poperie . this harlot hath heragents , popes , cardinals , bishops , abbots , monkes , friers , iesuites , priests , with a number of other like , and all of them factors and her bandes , the professed enemies of the gospel of iesus christ , that doe supersticiously adore the crucifixe , that are indeede enemies to the crosse of christ , and doe tread his holy bloud vnder their scornefull feete : that do build vp deuotion with ignorance , and doe ring out their hot alarums , in the eares of the vnlearned , teaching that the light can bee no light , that the scriptures can bee no scriptures , nor the truthcan be no truth , but by their allowance , and if they will say , that high noone is midnight , we must beleeue them , and make no more adoe , but get vs to bed . these bee they that can make god the creator that made both heauen and earth , of a little peece of bread ; this doctrine they do teach , and this the poore ignorant papists must beleeue , and zealously say amen to : but alas , their pretended holinesse in zeale , is indeede but the hollownesse in zeale , and the fulnes of that zeale wherewith they be so blinded , ariseth through the emptinesse of that knowledge which they will not see . if blindnesse be a misery , what is ignorance , or if the duskinesse of the night be vncomfortable , what is the darkenesse of superstitious popery ? a papist and a tayler are of like affinitie , they do both relie on their good workes : their faithes do hang on other mens beleefes , they doe exercise all their religion by an exorcising masse , accounting the old & new testaments , to be but bookes of controuersies , holding it to be a peremptorie sacriledge for any lay-man to meddle with ; they thinke they may see more by a waxe candle when it is lighted , then they may doe by the light of gods word : they say they be good subiects dutifull and loyall , and yet what a wrangling they do keepe with the prince for his supremacy ? the hound that followeth two hares at once can catch neither , and hee that serueth two masters of contrarie kinds , must bee a traitor to the one . as much possible to vnite two contrary religions in one conscience , as to reconcile fire and water , christ and beliall , god and the diuell . if the pope court in the conscience , and sit in the throne of the heart , the king can haue there but a cold entertainment . hee was wise therefore that turned his guest out of doores , that could warme his cold hands with the same breath , wherewith he cooled his hot pottage . the papists haue mouthes for their masses , tongues for their prince , and hearts for their pope : but let them say what they list , and let them sometimes binde it with an oath , the pope hath taught his vermine a new doctrine of equiuocation , and of mentall reseruation : and he hath dispensations in store , not onely for infringing an oath to a king , but also for the murthering of a king , if he be such a king as doth professe the gospell . if the popes penance chāber were opened , we might finde a rate of pardons for all offences that might be committed either against god or man , those onely excepted , that may be any waies preiudiciall to him selfe ; nay , you shall finde indulgences for future offences , for sinnes that are not yet committed . christ forgiueth no sinne , but vpon hearty repentance : the pope forgiueth all sinnes onely for ready mony ; a happie thing for rich men that may buy heauen for mony : but the diuel in the meane time , is like to be basely attended on in hell , with a company of poore beggers , that are not able to buy pardons , nor to purchase dispensations . the pope shutteth vp all goodnesse into his owne waare-house , god receiueth vs now no more to mercie , but he receiueth vs to penance , to plunge vs in purgatory , where we shall lie scorched and broiled , till the pope in his charitable disposition , will mercifully release vs : which he is euer readie to doe if we haue ready money to giue him . and for the saints , they are become very tyrants , malicious and vengible , if their eues be not fasted , their images worshipped , and their shrines visited , with a candell , or with some other offering ; they will else wreake themselues of vs without any compassion , & will both punish and grieuously afflict vs : so that there is no mercy remaining in god nor in his saints , but all resteth in the pope alone . doe not the poore papists runne mad in conceit , to thinke that indulgences for all sinnes , may be deriued from the popes exchequer ; that if a man wants not mony , he needs not want heauen : that the meere signe of the crosse , can fray away the diuell ; that priests should be licensed their concubines , and inhibited there wiues : that one benefice , and one honest wife , should be vnlawfull , but that two benefices , and three whores should bee tollerable ? but let vs a little consider of these holy votaries that haue vowed obedience , that haue vowed pouertie , that haue vowed chastitie : what is their vowed obedience , but an exemption of all obedience , either to god or man , to serue their pope alone ? what is their vowed pouertie , but to inioy the wealth of the world , to liue in ease and idlenesse , and to feede themselues fat ? and now to speake truely , what is their vowed chastitie ; but vowed bawderie ? the efficient cause of poperie : it first springeth from a blinde zeale , it doth vaunt of true religion , and attributeth a certaine vertue vnto things without gods ordinance . the pope himselfe steales his ceremonies , from iewes , from turkes , from pagans , some from idolatry , all from heresie . poperie could neuer endure the preaching of the gospel , and there is neither turke , iew , nor pagan , whatsoeuer , that the papists doe so much hate , as they do these heretickes that do seeke their saluation in the death & passion of iesus christ : we pitty them , they persecute vs , we pray for them , they persue vs , we loue them , they loath vs , we seeke to conuert them , they seeke to confound vs ; they pursue vs , not for that we are sinners , but because we are zealous of the glory of god , & of sincere & pure worship : they hate vs not because of our offences , but because of that will and desire it hath pleased god to giue vs , to serue him purely according to his word ; they seeke vs not out for our abhominations and idolatries , but because we detest theirs . thus they hate vs , but it is with a contrary hatred ; for they hate vs because we do seeke the glory of god according to his word , of the which they would drepriue vs. in a briefe manner now to shew you what a papist is : he is blinde in knowledge , lame in iudgment , selfe conceited , apt to beleeue lyes , he is willfull , obstinate , he is wise and holy in his owne conceite , walking in the steps of other mens opinions ; he cannot beleeue that god vnderstandeth any praiers but those that are made in latine : he thinketh there is no other high way to heauen , but that which leadeth through purgatory . amongst all the beastes in the field he loues a popes bull , but amongst all the hearbes in the garden he cannot endure that which the apothecaries do call gratia dei : his eyes are dimmed , his eares are stopt , his heart is hardened , his sences are benummed , he is so afraid of rusting , that he doth vse to scoure himselfe with ashes and oyle : he is so zealously inclined to the deedes of loue and charity , that he had rather murther a protestant on sunday , then eate an egge on friday . if i should still prosecute as i haue begun , to present to your viewes the true representations of vice and vanitie , as they do offer themselues to open show , i might compose such a looking-glasse as were fitter for a barbers shop , then a ladies chamber : i will therefore giue you but a little glimce of those deformities , that are yet to follow . the fatterer was neuer yet ashamed to shew his face , yet in former ages palpably to flatter , was accounted but the profession of a knaue : but now vaine glory doth so sway amongst vs , that he that wants a knaue to flatter him , can play the foole and flatter himselfe . a parasite seeing dionisius in priuate discourse with certaine fauourites of his owne , burst out into a great laughter , but being demanded by dionisius why he laughed so loude ? answered , at your maiesties pleasant conference : why ( said the emperour ) dost thou heare our communicatiō ? no ( said the parasite ) i do not heare your speeches , yet knowing your words to be alwayes full of wit , and all your discourses so pleasant and pithy , it produceth me to laughter , but to see that speech , though i heare not any thing what you say . flattery and tobacco , are but two smoaky vapors , yet as the time serueth , the one purgeth wise men of their wit , and the other fooles of their mony . the flatterer is nearely alyed to the cannyball , they do both feede on men ; the difference is , the cannyball feedeth on those that be dead , but the flatterer deuoureth those that be aliue . the court parasite doth more often subuert and ouerthrow the wealth of a kingdome , then an open enemy . but see here another bird of the same wing , a iestmonger , a kind of creature that a man would thinke , nature had hatched vp into the world , to be a scorne to all wisemen : his most pleasant mirth is vnciuill ieastes , and for want of better matter , he will sometimes helpe it out with a bawdy song . some wanting conceits of their owne , are driuen to commit fellony , and to steale from other men , and putting them in execution , the effect may so well fall out , as it did with esops asse , who counterfeiting the little dogge , would play with his master , till he was surely banged . there be some of them that will steale sentences , and phrases out of bookes , which hauing once committed to memory , when they be amongst company , they will deliuer them as familiarly as if they were children of their owne begettting , both lawfull and legitimate . there be amongst them , that will breake iestes vpon heauen & sometimes make themselues merry with god that created heauen : another will sport as pleasantly with the word of god ▪ as he wil do with the fictons of the poets one will auow a villany , a second will sweare it , a third will defend it , and all the rest will laugh at it . it is not worthy to be called a lest , where there is not a lester , and a parasite to cheere vp the guests , the one to raile and slander , the other to smooth and flatter : for as the body must be ballanced with excesse , so the minde must be recreated with slauish delights . the next that now maketh his appearance , is the temporizer ; a fellow that can carrowse with alexander , abstain with romulus , eate with the epicure , fast with the stoieke , sleepe with endymion , watch with crisippus , laugh with democitus , weepe with heraclitus . he is like a winde-mill , that will still grinde , let the wind blow where it will : he neuer troubles himselfe about matters of fayth ; for looke how the prince beleeues , so beleeues he . he hath some prety sight in musick , and is very apt to play a base part , and although sometimes he may fayle in the note , yet he will be sure to keepe the time. here comes now the formalist , a fellow that is full of complements ; one that doth vse to frequent other mens tables , and can make sauce to euery dish as it comes to the board , with other mens discredits : he neuer drinkes to any man , but with some quicke conceited sentence , and not a word but at your seruice sir , at your command , at your pleasure ; and in all his communication , so full of fustian phrases , that do many times lay open their masters ignorance . this ouer much affectation is more ridiculous then meere and simple ignorance , the one is to be pitied , the other to be denyed : but the formalist taketh great paines to make himselfe to be mocked at ▪ all that he endeuoureth , is to be reputed a floure of curtesie ▪ when by his demeanure he showes himselfe to bee a right spectacle of folly . here followes now an other , that one paire of couples might serue them both , it is the fantasticke , one that is so neere a kin to the foole , that they cannot marry without a licence from the pope : he hath robd a iacke naapes of his gesture , marke but his countenance how hee mops , how he mowes , and how he streines his lookes : he hath the french congé , the spanish baselos maines , the italian shrug , his countenance is the true description of the time . will you see now , one that is new come from the dancing schoole , a ninihammer , that had rather tread you out a tricke of one and twentie follies , then to performe one action , tending either to vertue or wisedome . he thinkes boldnesse to be a principall part of vertue , and that makes him to become impudent : his greatest obseruation is about the new fashion : his ambition is , to bee highly commended , but especially by fooles , fiddlers , and tapsters : his greatest dexteritie is in the managing his tobacco pipes : and he hath the gulpe , the whiffe , and the snuffe very exactly and at his fingers ends . he is very iudicious , in censuring of plaies and players , and is well seene in the high art of astronomy , and without the helpe of an ephemerides , he is able to calculate the whole number of bawdy houses , that be neere about his owne lodging , in what temperature they be seated , and whether they stand in a hot or a cold climat . you shall know him partly by his feather , partly by his long locke , that hangs dangling by his eare , partly by his garters and his roses , but that which comes neerest the marke indeed , is his yellow starched band . will you now make a little roome for a fellow that perhaps can tell you some newes , and it is the newesmonger himselfe , that can acquaint you with all the occurrence , from italy , from france , from spaine , from germany , from the east , from the west , from the north , from the south : he can tell you newes from the pope , how he meanes to giue assistance to the earle of tyrone , of men , of mony , of munition , of shipping , and of all other r essaries , and to send him into ireland , new sanctified a●●ngst his friends , that hath long lookt for him , and doe daily wish for him , and alas are like to doe so still , to their great griefe and sorrow . these newesmongers be those that from time to time do spread such reports , as doth sometimes arme the ill disposed , with vaine and friuolous hopes , but especially the papists ▪ that are so strong of faith , that they will beleeue any lie , be it neuer so vaine or foolish , if it doth any waies serue their purpose . and as the newesmonger is not without art sometimes to spread a lie , that is of his owne coining , so by some prery skill that he hath in arithmeticke , he can both multiply and deuide lies , that be of other mens making . he vseth to frequent faires , markets , and other places of aslembly : sometimes hee will stumble into a barbers shoppe : but about ten of the clocke in the fore-noone , you may hitte vpon him in the middle walke in pauls : but from aleauen to twelue , hee will not misse the exchange . these be the places , from whence he makes his collections , and if there be any newes at all stirring , he pockets them vp for his owne prouision , and hee neuer vents them but for his owne aduantage , for he knoweth that men are so well inclined to haue nouelties , that they are as good paiment for a dinner , or a supper , as eighteene pence to goe to an ordinary . here comes yet another , a fit companion to march in one ranke with the newes monger , it is the state ape : a man that will take vpon him to know more then he vnderstandeth : hee speakes of nothing but of matters of state and what lawes are fit to passe and repasse by act of parlament ; and in the parliament time , he makes himselfe as conuersant with all intents and plots , purposed for the common-wealth , as if they had beene of his own begetting . and what embassadour can bee sent from any forraine prince or potentate , but before he hath deliuered his message , or before he hath put his foote in at the court gate , but he will tell you , both what his arrand is , and what shall be his answer , if a man will beleeue , what himselfe will make vaunt of ? there is not a court counsell holden , but he will seeme to know whereof they haue consulted , and what they haue concluded . i thinke i doe but pester your eye-sight with presenting to your viewes these vaine prospects ; but a man may the better learne to eschew vanitie , by learning first to know it : here is yet one other of the same straine , a malecontent , a right cornish diamond , that although a counterfeit , would yet be set in gold . he is singular in his owne conceit , and will sometimes withdraw himselfe into retired places , for bearing speech and conuersation , reproouing the vanities of the world but with a word , and the manners of the people with a shrug , or a countenance , giuing answers with signes and dumbe showes , pacing his steppes , with sad and sober aspects , as if he would haue it said , loe , yonder goes the melancholy gentleman : see there vertue and wisedome both despised and neglected , this is the man that doth carrie a whole common-wealth in his head , that can mannage the whole affaires of a state , and that is able to draw the world about by the nose in a string . his verie gate , as he passeth along the streete , cries looke vpon me : and although to some mens thinking hee is but a man , yet in his owne opinion , the wisest of men . i will not trouble you with these angrie fellowes , that will swagger , and be ready to giue the stabbe , sometimes for the pleasure of a harlot sometimes for the speaking of a word , sometimes for the taking of the wall : sometimes , for the not pledging of a health . and what a sturre we keepe againe about precedence ? we striue with zebed●us children , who shall sit on the right hand , who on the left , we dispute of dignities , who shal go before , & who shall come behind ; and as this infection is common amongst men , so it is become so violent amongst women , that they are ready to scratch for their places , many of them , taking their roomes perforce , and will render reasons whereby to maintaine their causes : one makes her plea , my husband is an esquire , and i will giue place to none but to my ladie ; an other will alleadge , my husband is a doctor , and i will therefore march with the foremost : one stands vpon her pedigree , and deriues her selfe from some ancient family ; an other challengeth precedence by her husbands office , an other by her wealth , by her chaines , by her iewels , by her silken gownes , by her garded peticoate ; and they are so eager , and so vehement in these incounters , that if their husbands should once fall a dealing in these quarrels , they could not bee determined , without bloodie noses . but amongst all the spectacles of folly , that wee haue yet surueied , hee now presents himselfe that is best worthy to beare the bable : looke vpon him , it is the amorist : see how gastfully hee lookes , his armes crossed , his eyes blubbered , his hatte puld ouer his browes , and all for loue sir reuerence . alas poore gentleman , i doe pittie him , and i thinke dame folly his mistris , would simper to see the foole her seruant , how he is besotted . i can not beleeue that euer vertue was knowne to be a dotarde , in that we call loue . i haue heard of some that haue beene mad for loue , yet i neuer heard of any that were wise in loue : i haue read of couragious men , that loue haue made effeminate , yet i neuer read of any whom loue hath made truly valiant ; i haue knowne where wise men hath beene besotted by fancie , but i neuer knew where fancie made a wise man. in loue what seeth the eye , laciuiousnesse , what heareth the eare , laciuiousnesse : what vttereth the tongue , laciuiousnesse : what thinketh the heart , laciuiousnesse : what incurreth the bodie laciuiousnesse : and call you this loue , no , it is filthie lust , that marcheth vnder the banner of loue . the folly of affection is wonderfull , but the indiscretion of an amorist is more admirable , that will hang the whole estate of all his fortunes in a womans word , but in the yea or nay , of his light heeled mistris . to conclude , i neuer heard of any of these louing wormes , that was euer besotted of any woman that was famed for her vertue , yet if the braines of my amorist bee not barraine , they will sometimes hatch out rimes , and learne to indite amorous verses in the praise of his mistris ( that is many times scarce worth the speaking of ) and will borrow colours from lillies and red roses to beautifie her cheekes , her eyes shall be saphires , her lippes , corall , her teeth , pearle , her breath , balme , a pallas for her wit , but he neuer streines so farre as to her honesty ; women haue euer beene witty , but now more wise then they haue beene in former ages , they euer knew well ynough how to make vse of one of these amorous guls , that they saw did affect them ( indeede ) with an ardent desire : for they would make him to hold the candle , whilst they had an other , that should offer to our ladie . but now adaies there is a newer way to wooe , then for a man to spend a whole moneth together in making of loue : he that will winne a wife now ( though he be but sot , a dolt , a foole , an asse , let him be neuer so silly , or neuer so simply , if he hath but so much wit , as to make a great and a large ioynter , he shall speed , and he shall get a wife when a wise man shall faile . i could here finde in my heart to blame some parents , that will bestow their well nurtured daughters on such persons , they do little consider of the fault they commit by bringing their children ( sometimes ) to a loathed bed . but parents do seeme to be very carefull to prouide for their children , and very diligent they be to seeke a stay for them ; but they do not seeke it as they should do , in the hand of god , but in the wisedome of their owne foolish flesh . i thinke there is not a woman so vnlouely , nor so vnnurtured , but if she doth bring a large portion in her purse , she shall haue a husband ; neither is there so silly a clowne , but if he be able to make a great ioynter , he may quickly get a wife : i thanke god i haue neuer a daughter to marry , but if i had , and that i were of ability to giue bountifully with her , i would sooner bestow my mony to buy her a husband that had a little wit , then to buy her a lumpe of flesh , that is but lapt together in a fooles skin . now for my selfe , if i were yong , & were againe to marry , i would blesse my selfe from her that hath beene brought vp in pleasure , in pride , in idlenesse , or in audacious boldnesse : from such a one as is called her fathers ioy , his iewell , his dearling : he that lights on such a wife , had need to light on a good portion with her , for if she doth not bring him a griefe to vexe his soule , i am sure she will bring him a charge to empty his purse , her vanity will farre exceed marriage good , and for euery hundred poundes in mony , she brings him a thousand vanities , a thousand fits , a thousand fansies , a thousand follies , and a thousand new fangles . to day she keepes her chamber , sicke of a quotidian fitte of folly : to morrow the coach must be made ready , she must about the towne to inquire after new fashions , the next day she begins to breed child , and then for forty weekes after , what queasinesse , what squeamishnes , what curiosity , what nicity , what lustig after vanities ? she longs for plumbes before they be ripe , for chickins before they be hatched , for dainties that cannot be come by : she must haue the henne that sits next the cocke , the apple with the red side ▪ the calfe , vith the white face : shee longs for the fish , the foule , the fruit , that is but spoken of : we must take heede how wee speake of any thing in her hearing for setting her into a veine of longing ; shee must haue an eye to the temperature of the aire , the sunne must not shine too hot , nor the winde blow too cold on her . to conclude , shee must be more nice , more curious , and more daintie , then euer was that blessed virgin that bare the sauiour of the world . i commend me yet to the women of laconia , that to increase their strength and vigour ( where propagation might become the more strong and sturdy ) they vsed to exercise themselues to running , to leaping to wrastling , to heauing and throwing of weights : these were excellent wenches to breede vpon , these were gallant girles to maintaine a race , of men , fit to make souldiers , fit to fight for their country ; for what doth it auaile to haue a cocke of the game , vnlesse we haue againe a hen of the same ? the whole streine will be but of a crauen kinde , and the broode a great deale fitter for the dunghill , then the cocke pit . i would not be thought yet to be so derogating to the reputation of good women , but that i do know there be a number amongst them , that during the time whilest they were breeding of child , they are not free from fittes and qualmes : and many of them subiect to paine , sicknes more then ynough ▪ and therfore they are not onely to be comforted and cherished , but likewise to be pitied and commiserated : yet there be amongst them againe , that if they should not be more nice , then wise , they would thinke themselues to be quite out of fashion ; and the ofspring of these ( for the greatest number ) are fitter to follow a taber and a pipe , then to march after a drum and a fyfe , and do know better how to giue fire to a tobacco pipe , then to buckle on an armour of proofe . o what a precious sight it were to see a woman that is but yong in yeres , to be sober & modest , as the time now serueth ; glory & admiration attends on her in al her actions ; and it is good likewise in those that be aged , because the contrary in an ancient woman were abhominable . and such there be , both old and yong , and well considering the condition of the time , in great plenty to be found , and the number of these would farre exceed , and be yet more abundant then they be , were they not not alienated from their owne proper natures by the seducements of men . do you see a woman that is garish to looke vpon , that is new fangled , and gawdy to the shew ? looke amongst men , and you shall find tenne men for one woman , that are more vaine , more nice , and more foolish then any woman you can seeke out , or that is most noted for her vanity : and would you haue so many women saints , and men diuels ? nay there must be vaine women , if it be but to satisfie the humours of foolish men : where men haue giuen themselues ouer to follow sensuality , they must haue women that be of their owne element to incounter them , otherwise they would neuer sympathize , for vertue and vice could neuer agree . a woman that should binde herself apprentice to modesty , sobriety , and bashfulnesse , might sit long ynough without a husband in these daies , when a thousand crownes are more preciously esteemed amongst our hermophrodites , then two thousand good conditions : for so they may imbrace the quantity , they neuer looke after the qualitie ; vertue , wit , wisedome , nor honesty it selfe , is not regarded : good women may say with fryer bacons brazen head , time is past . is it any maruell though women do become both vain and dissolute ? it is but to feed the humor of those men that are both lasciuious and sensuall . it is the base disposition of men , that maketh so many harlots as there be at this present , when there is not so common a curtizan , but she shall be supported by vicious men : and how many prodigals are there that will spend their stocke , their store , their lands , their liuings , and all to maintaine harlots , and such other women as be loose and lewde of life ? now shew me but the man , that will extend his bounty , his liberality , or almost his good word , to her that is honest . if women were not stayed , and mightily propped vp by their owne vertues , they could not conuerse with men , but to their great perrill and danger ; for if they meet with one man that doth present to their modest eyes , the example of wisedome , they shall meet with ten for that one that doth still carry about them , the badge of folly ; if they meet with one man that will soberly aduise them for their honest reputation , they shall meet with ten for that one that will seeke their defamation . they are men therefore , yea most wicked and vngodly men that haue thus sought to ouerthrow ( and do yet seeke to diminish ) the honour of women , the which i know they are not able to doe , for although they may wrest some few vicious minded like themselues to their lewd allurements , yet as good women haue euermore defended their honours , so their vertues will still shine in that wonted oriental brightnesse , as the malice of wicked men shal neuer be able to extinguish nor ecclipse . i will speake no more of women , but will you now see the honesty of this age ? it is put in print , and there are none dishonest now , but those that are poore . pouerty in this age is the greatest dishonesty that a man can fall into , neither can there be a greater blemish to any manscredit , then to be reputed poore and honest . rich men be all honest , and their honesties are accounted so much the more , or so much the lesse , as they be rated in the subsidy booke . a rich mans wealth , is his wisedome , his vertue and his honesty : and he that is better able to giue you white mony for your gold , then to giue you a wise answer to your honest demand , may yet speake his opinion in dispite of wisedome , and his words must carry credit and authoritie , when truth it selfe shall not be beleeued , if it proceede from the mouth of pouertie . plaine dealing : honesty is dead , many yeares since , hee died of a consumption , but this is the mischiefe , he died without issue . knaucry hath taken phisicke , and is growne so strong and lustie , that he walkes the streetes at pleasure , but yet disguised , sometimes like a promoter , sometimes like a broker , sometimes like a scriuener , and many times like an vnder sheriffe . in the tearme time he will be sure to looke into westminster hall , sometimes amongst the catchpoules , and otherwhile like a poore client , with a paper in his hand , and will looke so ruthfully that a man would sooner pittie him , then be able truly to discouer him . vertue is growne poore , and hath few or none to attend her , but that is no great wonder , for who would follow a begger ? her best deserts are recompenced , perhaps by a ballet-maker , or if they be sometimes canonized on a stage amongst players , she is highly fauoured : alas poore vertue , that hast no better recompence then what thou thy selfe canst draw from vice ; yet there are many that will speake of vertue , and tell of her excellency , but they are few that will translate her truly out of words into deedes . conscience is exilde , and banished quite out of citty , towne and country . my selse hauing some occasions , making inquirie where i might finde him , i was told he vsed sometimes to frequent faires and markets , wherupon i went to bartholmew-fayre , and missing him there , i went to sturbridge-fayre , and likewise lost my labour ; whereupon i came to romford market , where i could no newes at al of him : then comming backe to london i made inquirie amongst shop-keepers , tradesmen and merchants : they told me they knew him not , but wisht me to inquire amongst the stationers , and those that sold bookes : to pauls church-yard i went , and they shewed me a booke , that made mention of one that was sometimes called by the name of robin conscience , but what was become of him they could not tell , but willed me to aske amongst the lawyers ; but comming to them , they began to laugh at me , and thought me to be out of my wits , that would aske for conscience amongst them : i was then in despaire for euer to finde him , thinking to giue ouer my guest , till a friend softly whispering in mine eare , willed me to seeke amongst the papists that will make vaunts , that they haue gotten conscience tied vp in a string , and that conscience and they were as familiar the one with the other , as the begger and the lowse ; but when i came amongst them , he that they stood so much vpon , whom they called by the name of conscience , was a meere counterfeit hypocrite , no more like conscience then a traytor is like a true man : it was ( indeed ) wilfull opinion , froward , blind and obstinate , whom they imposed to carry the name of conscience : & leauing them where i found him , being out of hope for euer to finde out conscience , it was my fortune yet in miraculous manner to hit vpon him , but if i should tell you where , and in what country , you would think it strange : but to tell you the truth , i found him in ireland , and would you know amongst whom , it was amongst a company of poore and needy souldiers : when i had a while wondered at the matter , i asked him what he meant to abandon better company , to associate himselfe with these thread beare fellowes , the very abiects of this age , that amongst all other professions were of the basest account & least esteemed : his answer was , their fellowship was fittest for him , that now at this day , tooke but eight pence a day pay , no more then they tooke many hundred yeares agoe , vvhen they might buy more for their eight pence , then they can doe now for their eighteene , and therefore he knew not any profession more fitting for him to associate himselfe of , then amongst souldiers . hauing thus heard his reason and his resolution i dispatched my busines , and there i left him ; but i see conscience will not stay amongst them , that a man would thinke , were best able to support him , i meane amongst rich men . but some will say , riches that are not honestly come by , will not long stay , but as they are quickely gotten , so they are suddenly gone , but they are much deceiued , that are of that beleefe : for riches are as kinde and louing to their master , as the body lowse , that will neuer leaue his master , though he be going to the gallowes , but wil there hang with him for company ; and riches that are vnlawfully gathered togither , will neuer leaue their master till they haue brought him to hell , and there they will bee a corrosiue to his conscience still world without end . but this worldly wealth i see is but a tickle commoditie , for he that hath most , he hath notynough , neither to keepe his head from aking , nor his conscience from despairing . he is onely to be accounted rich , that possesseth , what he hath gotten iustly , and vseth what he possesseth honestly ▪ but for the vngodly , they may well be reputed wealthy , but neuer rich . there cannot bee a more excellent touch-stone , whereby to discouer the dispositions of men , then is the superfluitie of wealth , and the extreamitie of want , the spring tide of prosperitie , and the low ebbe of aduersitie ; for although the mattess of themselues are indifferent , yet the mannaging of them is it that giueth light . prosperitie , pampereth vs vp in pleasure , it maketh vs to forget god , and to repose our greatest confidence in the vanities of the world . aduersitie , maketh vs contemptible in the eye of the world , it is the meanes whereby we are taught to know our selues , and to draw vs to god. prosperitie , so swelleth vs in pride , that wee forgette our selues , it so blindeth our vnderstanding , that vvee are not able to discerne a friend from a flatterer , nor to iudge whether those that doe favvne vpon vs , bee more in loue with our selues or with our fortunes . aduersitie , maketh vs humble , it cleereth the vnderstanding , and giueth vs eyes to discerne betweene friendship and flatterie , and to make assured triall betweene a friend and a foe . aduersitie may bee both iudge and iurie . vvhat haue i said , may aduersitie iudge betweene a friend and a foe ? i neuer heard that pouerty was cloied with many friende , and aduersitie , if he once begins to want , shall neuer want a foe : they will say a friend is tried in time of need ▪ but i say , that neede is it that makes a friend a foe , he is a foole that wanteth friends , and if hee wants not wealth . but he that hath pouertie to cast vp his accounts , and is become needes embassador , to beg or to borrow , if he finde a friend to supply his wants , i say such a friend is more precious , & more rare to be found , then platos common ▪ wealth , moores eutopia , ciceroes orator , or baldesers courtier : he that is a friend to all can be friend to none , but it is nothing so smarting to be called a niggard or to be reputed for a miser , as to haue it said , he is euery mans friend but his owne . it were too great a presumption in me now to meddle with diuinitie , the dignitie of the subiect may suffice , for where the obiect is god , the ground worke is infallible , there needs no further demonstration . diuinitie is a heauenly law , sealed by god the lawgiuer , written and set downe by the finger of god , and deliuered by those that were inspired by his holy spirit . it hath likewise pleased god from the beginning , to raise vp patriarkes and prophets , to teach and gouerne his people and after in the kingdome of our sauiour , he ordained the ministery of the gospell , appointing it perpetuall to the end of the world , and hath further taught vs to pray , that labourers might be thrust into the haruest . shall i then speake of the diuine , that is the steward of god , appointed to dispose his misteries , that is , the embassadors of glad and joyfull tidings , that doth bring vnto vs the word of our saluation , that is the light to shine before vs in all godly example , of loue , of charity , of humility , of temperance , of chastity , of sobriety , of integrity of life , of honest conuersation , and therefore worthy of double honour ? i thinke , of my conscience , our english clergy at this present houre , are as compleat in learning in liuing , in doctrine , in wisedome , and in all manner of godly knowledg , as although in some other parts in christendom ( perhaps ) there may be some found to second them , yet none to disproue , or exceed them . but as amongst the twelue disciples , there was a ludas , so amongst this honourable function , there creepes in now and then a false disciple , that knowes how to bait his booke with grauity , till he hath caught a benefyce , & then the surples must serue to couer a most vngodly carcase : & he that should set vp a light for other men to follow , his lampe doth burne so dimme , that he that were not well sighted of himselfe , might sooner stumble , then hit the right tract . another intruder there is , parson please-time by name , that being vnbeneficed , will therefore become a chaplaine , to some man of worth , and worthines : he will sometimes step vp into the pulpit , and he will preach against sin , but it shall be done with halfe a lip , he dares not presse it till it smarts ; he knowes it is no time of yeare , to be too vehement against all sorts of sinnes , for offending those that he would more willingly please . where shall we finde another nathan , that dares tell his master to his face , thou art the man ? . sam. . thou art the man that hast sinned in pride , thou art the man that hast sinned in drunkennesse , in adultery , in blasphemy ; thou art the man that hast racked vp thy rents that hast oppressed thy tenants , that hast wronged thy poore neighbours : no , parson please-time knoweth well ynough , this is not the ready way to get a fat benefice . to speake now in generall , and to speake according to a truth , the pulpits in england , and in ireland both , were neuer better supplied , with a more reuerent , and a more learned ministry then at this present , for their sakes therfore that be good , i will speake no more of those few that be ill . i shall not neede to speake of philosophy ; the study of wisedome is now out of season , and the natural part of philosophy , but sheweth vs what we haue , and the morall , how to vse rightly what is our own , a burthē too heauy for euery mans head to carry : i will leaue it , and speake a little of souldiours , or at the least of such as in these daies , would faine be taken for souldiers , and do march some of them vnder the title of captaines , that neuer spread ensigne of their owne before an enemy , nor neuer saw enemy march in the field : yet he will relate of warres , of skirmishes and incounters , as brefly , as if he had bin an eye-witnes , vvhen he hath but pilferd them from report , or ( perhaps ) stolnethem from some new printed ballade : and he that hath but seene the siege of troy , pictured forth in a painted cloath , will speake of sallies , of assaults , of incounters , of retraites , of palizados , of rauelins , of parapites , all his speeches shall be nothing else but powder and shot . he will spend a whole after noone , in relating his own valours , and this he doth to preuent quarrels , because he loues not euery day to fight ; he beares downe strangers with the story of his own actions , & wil attribute the honour of a victory to his own valour : now he that is but weake of faith , & wil not beleue these wōders , must be terrified with the stab . it is as good a warrant for him that would swagger , sweare , and be euery day drunke , to be called a captaine , as for him that would become a rebell both to god and his prince , to be called a catholique . honour was wont to be the adamant to draw the souldiers sword , but now the instigation of a harlot , or a pot of strong ale. his vertue is this , if it be but for a matter of a thousand pounds , a souldiers word is as good as his band . i might now speake of knights , that in former ages were had in honourable reputation , and the order so remaineth honourable still , where the dignitie is bestowed vpon worthy persons ; but as amongst captaines and souldiers , there be a number that doth march vnder those titles , that are but counterfeits , so amongst knights , what a number are crept into the order , that doth but be-durty the dignity , and are become a scandall to that honourable order ? knight-hood was wont to be the reward of vertue , but now a common prey to the betraiers of vertue , & we shall sooner meet sir dinadine , or sir dagonet , at another mans table , thē with sir tristrum de lionis , or sir lancelot de lake in the field . knights in former ages haue beene assistant vnto princes , and were the staies of the common-wealth ; but now , they liue by begging from the prince , and are a burthen to the common-wealth . may we yet speake a little of the courtier , i will speake but softly ; the first principles of a courtier ( i speake but of the meaner sort ) he must learne to creepe to crouch , to flatter , and to climbe vp to immerited praise , by the steps of others disgrace : and the ambitious sort , must not be without base mindes to attend them that will stoope to any villany for preferment . a right courtier , is high in his owne imagination , and his best complements , are pride , and ignorance ; he is more curious in his wordes , then constant in his promises : the matter that he most admireth , is the beauty of his mistris , his greatest circumspection is about his apparrel , how he may pinke it , how he cut it , stitch it , and lace it : he is still inquisitiue after newes , and in all his discourses , he dares speake more then himselfe vnderstands . he spends his greatest time , in the contemplation of suits , and he will not open his lips to salute any man , that is not clad in silke , and his apparrell made in the new fashion . now i cannot tell what i should call the study of law , whether i should tearm it to be a profession , a science , or an art : a trade i cannot call it , yet there be some that do thinke it to be a craft , because a gentleman demanding of a lawyers seruant , what crafts-man his maister was ? answered , syr , my master is a crafty lawyer . but i thinke it may rather be called an occupation , for they haue those amongst them , that they do call apprentises at law , who by that time they haue serued out their yeres , and that they are become iourney men , they do trouble the whole common-wealth , with their practise , as they make it an vngracious practise that doth breed such disturbance . there be three sorts of men , that they say may tell a lye by authority , and those are , an olde man , a trauailer , and a poet ; but a lawyer hath both authority and law to tell any lye , that his clyent will informe . the office of the law is to command things that be honest and vertuous , & againe , to countermand what is dishonest and vicious , and next after the gospell the law is the greatest comfort that god hath giuen to the sonnes of men ; it remedieth iniuries , and giueth to euery man what is his : but by the corruption of some lawyers the lawes are made traps , and traines , whereby both rich and poore are caught and spoyled ; for they haue such a number of subtill subtillties , that they do yet make more subtill by their subtill handling , that they be able to set the lawes themselues togither by the eares , and vtterly to ouerthrow one law with another . the lawyer is more hated for his inconstancy , then loued for his learning , when he will take mony to defend a matter , that in his owne conscience he knowes to be vniust . their tongues were wont to be tied to tenne shillings , but they haue raised their market , and they thinke foure for one , now to be too litle ; yet they do shew thēselues to be of a charitable disposition , they do loue their enemies ; they do loue , and with an entire affection , they do heartily imbrace the angels , that with faire showes sometimes shining and glistering in their faces , do send a number of them to the deuill . now to wind vp all , and for a last farewell , i could find in my heart , to praise poetry , and to commend a great number of writers , which i do better know by the excellency of their lines , then by their persons ; but their own works are a better cōmendation , then i am able to apply : but there are a nūber in these daies , that make semblance , to be retaining to the muses , that do pester the stationers stalles , with such vnprofitable stuffe , that learning might seeme to be the mistres of vngodlinesse , when our especiall endeuours consisteth but in the abuse of knowledge : and poetry that hath beene accustomed ( vnder feined fictions ) to discouer vice , is now become the art of flattery . be there not printed lines , or to speake more truly , may be called printed lyes ; for take away but so much of the matter as they haue inforced but to lying and to flattering , and there would nothing be left remaining that were worth the reading . how many writers be there , that do labour with the mountaines , to bring forth myce , that do seeke to draw the lyons skin vpon aesops asse , and hercules shoe vpon a childes foote ? some againe conuerts all their reason into rime ; and some will write a whole volume , neither in rime nor reason : & let their lines be neuer so vaine and friuolous , yet they must be fronted with the name of excellent . but they doe well to sute the world with bookes according to the time ; for rude limping lines , are best befitting a lame halting age . writers are not so vaine , but readers ( for the most part ) are three times more foolish , and a vaine glorious tytle , doth better fit their appetites then a good booke : the stationer dares hardly aduenture to print a good booke , if it tend to the reprehending of vice or vanitie . idle toyes tending to sensualitie , or other like lycencious follie , are set foorth vpon their stalles , in bright and glistering couers , when those bookes that are eyther drawing to vertue or godlinesse , are throwne into dustie corners . socrates admonisheth , that if any man be carefull of his honor , let him foresee that he hath not a poet to his enemy , because they haue not so great a grace in pray sing , as in ill speaking : but yet to blaze the praises of my friend , i would wish a learned poets pen , that with a drop of inke can exalt him whom they loue , and leaue him famed to posterity . but this trauell of wit , is the most thriftlesse and vnprofitable exercise that any man can indeuour : for where doth it finde recompence , or who is he that doth reward it ? the swaine that followeth his handy worke , is paid at night for his handy labour : the cobler that sits and cloutes a shoe , receiues his peny for his patch : but he that digs the myne of wit , and giues the world new eyes to see into conceits beyond the common sence , what gaineth he , or what is his reward ? perhaps good words . a poore satisfaction : yet he that gets good words from all , must haue a strange subiect and a pleasing pen. but stay my braynesick thoughts , whither will you gallop , you haue ridden a large circuit , and i feare me quite out of the way , or at the least to little purpose . you haue inueighed against sin , and that is all one to rolle sisiphus stone , or to fill daneas tubs . we must not taxe the times abuses ; we may make a show to expell vice , and to shut it out at the brode gate , but we may priuily take it in againe at the wicket : wee may desire to come to christ , but it must bee with nicodemus ; it must bee in the night when no bodie may see vs. we may dance with christ in the one hand , and the world in an other ; and so wee inroule our selues in his muster booke , we may march in sathans campe , and fight vnder the diuels banner . it is ynough to cry lord , lord , but not to doe any thing that is commanded by the lord : if we thinke of god , wee thinke him to be a good man easie to be pleased , and vve knovv hovv to put him off vvith faire vvords , and dumbe shovves , till our prime of pleasure be past : it is time ynough to repēt vs of our sins when we be vvel spent in yeres ready for the graue : but if vve vvill haue our wils in sinne , god will haue his will in punishment , and our short pleasures being ended , euen then begins our euerlasting paines : the pleasures and delights of the world , as they are soone loued , so they are as quickly ended , but they are long , yea very long lamented . my conclusion is , it is lesse misery when we die to giue vp the ghost , then vvhilst vve liue , to giue vp the holie ghost . i leaue vvhat i haue vvritten , to thy conscience , and leauing againe thy conscience to god , i rest . finis . epilogvs ▪ i haue here cast into a small volume , a large discourse of sin and wickednes , the which i haue endeauoured rather by a diligent obseruation of the time , then by any other shaddow of complement . i haue composed a glasse wherein to behold the inconstant follies of this giddy headed age ; a taske that i know , wil rather produce hatred , then win loue : the vicious sort doth so hugge their sinnes , and doth so bestroke and flatter their owne abhominations , that he that should but detect there vice and villany , he could not be accounted to be caesars friend , they cry out , crucifige , crucifige ▪ away with him , and deliuer vnto vs baxabas . let vs haue him that can sing lullaby to folly , that can smooth vp sinne and wincke at any maner of wickednesse . he that is too busie with his ve vobis , he must be brought coram nobis , he must haue his tongue charmed , & he must be taught to know to whom he speaks , and how he dares presume to disturb their quietnes that are so addicted to follow their pleasure and delight , that they cannot indure to heare neither of god nor the diuell , neither of heauen nor of hell , nor of any other motion , that should either mooue them to repentance , or reprehend there sinnes . whē lot went about to disswade the sodomites from their abhominations , were they not angry with him , did they not say vnto him : what hast thou to doe , to take vpon thee , to correct and iudge vs ? he that should now speake against the pride of the time , where should he be able to shew his face , but that both men and women , would be ready to worrow him ? whoredome and adultery , hath so many friends to support them , so many fauourites to vphold them , so many of all sorts , both old and yong , rich and poore : that doth delight & follow the game , that he that should but open his lips to reprehend it , the whole rablement of whoremasters , harlots , bawdes , panders , and such vicious liuers , they would say he were a criticke , a satirist , a precisian , a puritane , or a counterfeit hipocrite , but they would not mend their liues . drunkennesse againe is growne into that generalitie that he is not accounted to be an honest man that will not bee drunken for good fellowship , but amongst drunkards that be of diuerse kindes , i hold those to bee more dangerous ill , that are drunken with vanitie , then those other that are drunken with wine ; for the one , two houres sleepe may restore him againe to the vse of his senses : but the other , many houres , daies , monethes nor yeares may suffice to make him to looke into his owne folly . amongst these i commend me to the drunken tobacconists , that doth besot themselues in their owne conceits , attributing that soueraignty to a stinking indian weede , that if they were not enemies to their owne discretions , daily experience would teach them that their excessiue sucking at their tobacco pipe , is but a flat mockery ; and would make that fauorite , that doth thinke himselfe most wise to defend it , to confesse his owne ignorance : neither can there be a stronger argument to proue it meere vanitie indeed , then to see it so much imbraced by so many vaine men , that doth so much dote and are so farre in loue with it , that some of them are more angry with him that doth but speak against their tobacco , then they would be with him that should take exceptions at the shalownesse of their wit. but hee that weares a siluer or a golden mine on his backe , there is no question to be made , neither of his wit nor of his honesty : he may praise or dispraise , how or what he list , he is priuiledged , and he hath a parcell of scripture to avow in his owne behalfe , dixit insipiens , psal . . by this it may appeare , sinne is growne to that statelines of pride , that shee will not be controld . if we speake against sinne , we must doe it lispingly , wee must not speake it out too bitterly : but the follies of this age must bee seasoned with sugar , they must be made sweete ; but those sinnes that do seeme sweete in the committing , will be found as bitter , when without repentance they come to be accounted for . lo●ke vpon the actions of this age , consider of the times abuses , & whose eyes are so bleared with vice , that doth not behold how sinne and sensualitie did neuer so much abound ? he is blinde that seeth not this , and too malitious that will not acknowledge it . the sinnes of this age are become like old festered soores , that are not to bee cured but with biting corosiues ; we can not therefore too bitterly reprehend them . we are become like naturall beasts that do bring all things to triall but by the senses ; but if we could carry them to the inquisition of the soule , we should finde it a fearefull iudgement of god , for men to be giuen vp so much to their owne lusts , to haue no sense nor feeling of their sinne : he that hath this hardnesse of heart , that he neither feeleth his owne sinne , nor will not be told of it by another , he is no more of the race of adam , who was ashamed of himselfe , but of pharao , who hardened his owne heart , and whose heart god did harden . if the head doth but a little ake , our vrins must knocke at the phisitions doore , and alas how inquisitiue we be about the state of our bodies ? but let our consciences cry out and exclaime how they list , our sickly famished soules are neuer respected , we are so farre in loue with our sinnes , that wee care not for the losing of our soules . are these the works that faith affordeth , is this the life that god requireth ? we goe to church ( indeed ) and we say , to seeke the lord ▪ but we do not seeke him as if we ment to finde him , wee seeke him not with humble and penitent heart , but with proud and presumptuous spirits , decking and pranking vp our selues with those gawdy and vngodly attires as are more liker to poison our praiers then to profit our soules , better fitting indeed for a brothell house , then for the house of god. we goe to church , rather to show our pompe and our pride , then with any zealous intent , to serue our god as we should do ▪ we goe to the church , as iudas went to the supper of the lord , we returne home in a worse case then when we first went thither . with what faces can we make show to professe the gospel ▪ when we be so giuen vp to that monstrous pride , that we rather desire to follow our owne voluptuous pleasures , then to serue god ? the world doth see it , our consciences doth witnesse it , neither can we denie it . they will make show by their speeches , as if they could not indure that god should be dishonoured : but looke vpon their actions , their pride , their vanity , their drunkennesse , their excesse ; and they doe shew them plainly what they are : and he that should iudge thē by the rules of holy scriptures , might boldly pronounce them to be farre from euerlasting life : our sauiour christ hath confidently avowed : the vnrighteous shall not inherit the kingdome of heauen : and the apostle , . cor. . be not deceiued , neither fornicator , neither adulterer , nor drunkard , nor idolater , shall not inherit the kingdome of god. let them flatter themselues therefore how they list , they are in a dangerous plight , & we cannot be too plaine to put them from that vaine hope that thus deludeth them , that will euery day pollute themselues with these abhominations , & yet will trust or hope for saluation , they thinke it time soone ynough to repent , when their climacterical yeare is past , & then if they haue but time to say , lord haue mercy vpon vs , and for their executors to giue penny dole when they bee dead , it wil serue for a quietus est , for all their sins forepassed : they may perhaps sometime dreame of a dying time , and it is but a dreame , for being not throughly resolued , that this time draweth euery day neerer then other , they neuer prepare themselues against the time , but are many times taken suddenly in the fulnesse of their filthinesse , and in the very prime , when they be acting of the abhominations . i haue little hope therefore to reforme those by my writing , whom the thundring voyce of gods word pronounced euery day by the preacher , can neither conforme , nor any thing at all terrifye : i know i shall rather procure hatred , for speaking truth , then win loue for wishing well : but i little feare the adulterat censure of a senceles multitude ; the wicked are like an ocean , that cannot rest from raging : and a madnesse for him that will run amongst thornes , and thinke scorne to be prickt ; let them then rage & raile as they list , he that is throughly settled and composed in himselfe , moues in so high an orbe , and at so far a distant from the malicious and ill disposed , that their vnsauoury belchings can neuer annoy him . it sufficeth me that i maske in the true simplicities , of a loyall honesty , my conscience bearing me witnes , i haue spoken those truths , that i am in nothing more agrieued , then in that they are too true . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e what one applies to vice , another may conuert to vertue . caligula vsed to looke in a glasse the nicitie of yong men in this age . looking glasses flattering . some make defects where none are . the nature of this glasse . the loftinesse of sinnes . men are vnwilling to heare their faults . no speaking against sinnes augustus thought it necessary for men to finde fault . pasquils piller why prohibibited . sin growne malipert . the fearefull condition of the time . angry fault sinders . vvhat they be that are angry , a dangerous time . the holy workes of papists . the diuell much bound to the pope . vice deriding vice . a dangerous sickenesse . vvorke for the diuell . pitifull spectacles . religious in show . religion but made a staale . vve must exhort one another . the securitie of the time . the effects of sinnes . the sinnes of all nations brought into england . the wantonnesse of sinne in this age . sinne a knowne strumpet become a lady . the lady new-fashions a strumpet , a bawde , and a vvitch sinne setteth a worke all sorts of tradesmen . a godly admonition to ladies and gentlewomen . vvomen more excellent by nature then men . i speake this but to those women that be wise & doe feare god ▪ more then would serue ●o ▪ good women that feared god. vvandring eyes . i hope al this will offend no women that are good . how women should vse their glasses . monstrous fashions euery day hatched vp . the genealogy of sinne . couetousnes the parent of many sinnes . the varieties of iniquities . sinne thinkes scorne to be reprooued . three shrewd witnesses . the glory pride . the effects of pride . a happie age . strange inuented vanities . the diuels ingeny . credible and true though strange to be beleeued . vve marre that fashion that god hath made to follow our owne . a most ridiculous folly . a precept from god neglected . the little difference that is vsed between men and women in their apparell . the new found out folly of taking tobacco . experience much better then master doctors opinion . tobacco vsed but to drawe dowue drinke . the loathsomnesse of tobacco . the tobacconist and the drunkard fit companions . tobacco sophisticated . a pitious expence . the inormities that be drawne in by tobacco . of couetousnesse . bribery in great estimation . briberie disguised . many sinnes boulstered out by briberie . lawes ordained but to bring in bribes ▪ vsury . vvhat vsurie is . vvhether all these be vsurers or nay ▪ if no vsurers , then arrant theeues . a question demanded . i speake now of dubline . the extortion of bakers and brewers , pitious to be suffered . vsury reproued , but not truely defined vsury defined of murther . of murther as it is determined by christ . vvho be murtherers by gods law cowardly murtherers . cruell murtherers charmes to draw on drunkennesse . whoredome hath many friends and fauourites . a true description of a harlot . nothing more true ▪ a reward fit for whoremongers . these old antiquities are little set by . harlots of two sorts , the first a staine to good women . the second a limme of the diuell . the custome o● good women pitiously neglected . the practise of harlots to slander good women . many good women defamed by conuersing with harlots . harlots better countenanced then those women that be good . a wittall the very shame of manhood . the prouerb old , though something vnmannerly . good women more pretious then siluer or gold . vvith a reuerent regard i do thus aduise them . a hard matter to iudge of women by their outward show . precious things ordained by god to be vsed to his glory . a womans garment no argument of incontinency . vvhat is fit for good women to obserue . gawdy attires by whom first deuised . vvhy taken vp by good women . things tollerable . things not to be excused . a matter of nothing . a matter intolerable . marks whereby to know a good woman from a bad . the testimony of the prophet esay . the testimony of salomon . the properties of a good woman . the properties of a harlot . the whore of babylon . of spirituall fornication . the doctrine of the pope . the god of the papists . the blindnes of papists . a papist and a tailer of some affinity . things vnpossible . a wise part . the double dealing of papists . the popes power . a happy thing for richmen the popes charitie . angry saints . no mercy but in the pope . the madde conceits of papists . the popes votaries . the grounds of popery . the hatred of papists , the true picture of a papist . the flatterer a notable flattering knaue . flattery and tobbaco two violent purgers . a dangerous parasite . iestmonger vnciuil iestes stolne iests . odible iestes . no iest without a foole and a flateter . the temporiser . the formalist . the fantasticke . the ninihammer . his obseruation . his ambition . his dexteritie . his skill in astronomy . special notes whereby to know him . the newes-monger . good newes for tyrones wel-willers in ireland . papists are very credulous . the state ape . a wonderfull prescience . the malecontent . swaggerers and quarrellers ▪ precedence ▪ the amorist . the folly of amorists . the wisedome of women in this age . a new way to wooe . the next way to winne . she cannot want a husband that doth not want a portion . the vanity of many yong women ▪ the worthinesse of the women of laconia . an excellent issue . this is allwaies to be respected . a precious sight . good women plenfull to be found . vvomen made worse by the ill example of men vvise women and foolish men an vnfit match . a pitifull saying . it is men only that seeketh the defamation of women . dangerous for women to conuerse with vitious men . a foule fault to be poore and honest . the honesty of richmen . honesty is d●●d many yeares since . knaucry in neuer better health then at this present . vertue growne poore . a cold recompence . conscience exilde . conscience found onely amongst souldiers . ill gotten goods very kinde to their master . riches but a tickle commoditie . who is to be accounted rich . an excellent touch-stone . prosperitie . aduersitie ▪ of friends and friendship . strange to be found . a foolish commendation . of diuinitie . the worthinesse of the diuine . our english clergy what they are . a false apostle ▪ parson please time ▪ an other nathan hard to be found . of philosophy . of counterfelt souldiors their brauadoes . the title of a captaine . a good priuiledge for a drunkard . a souldiers vertue . of knights . the one a carpet knight the other king arthurs foole . of a courtier . of lawyers . iourney men lawyers . the effect of the law. the subtillty of lawyers . the charitable disposition of lawyers . bastard poets flattering and lying . the trauell of wit , but slightly regarded . the conclusion . grand pluto's progresse through great britaine, and ireland. being a diarie, or exact iournall of all his observations during the time of his walking to and fro in the said kingdomes. found on dunsmore heath, and translated out of infernall characters into english verse. by g.w. alias philoparthen esdras. wharton, george, sir, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason e _ ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing w thomason e _ estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; :e [ ]) grand pluto's progresse through great britaine, and ireland. being a diarie, or exact iournall of all his observations during the time of his walking to and fro in the said kingdomes. found on dunsmore heath, and translated out of infernall characters into english verse. by g.w. alias philoparthen esdras. wharton, george, sir, - . [ ], p. : ill. s.n.], [london : printed in the yeere . g.w. = sir george wharton. place of publication from wing. a v = a woodcut frontispiece with verse caption. in verse. annotation on thomason copy: "septemb: d". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng satire, english -- th century. great britain -- history -- civil war, - -- poetry -- early works to . a r (thomason e _ ). civilwar no grand pluto's progresse through great britaine, and ireland.: being a diarie, or exact iournall of all his observations during the time of wharton, george, sir c the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the c category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - robyn anspach sampled and proofread - robyn anspach text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion map of the british isles with chariot. edenburg dublin london touching this embleme that pourtrayed we see , take it , as 't is , a lantskip for to be , in midst of which , the stygian god amaine is hurried along by dragons twaine , fully resolv'd within himselfe to see how matters handled were in britanie . and as he posts along , his eye doth cast upon the neighbouring isles about him plac'd , strictly observing what he now might find that might be pleasing to his divellish mind . each kingdome is distinguished in brief , by that same city is its head , or chief . grand pluto's progresse through great britaine , and ireland . being a diarie , or exact iournall of all his observations during the time of his walking to and fro in the said kingdomes . found on dunsmore heath , and translated out of infernall characters into english verse . by g. w. alias philoparthen esdras . proper . lib. . fortuna miseras auximus arte vias . printed in the yeere . pluto's progresse through great britain . the argument . he that in a serpents hide inflam'd our grandam eve with pride , to be like god ; forsaking hell , doth visit earth , where mortalls dwell ; arriv'd in * anglia , joyes to see furie , pride and luxurie predominant ; that from the crowne vnto the rigid rustick clowne , he was adored , by his sonnes of various religions : he doth applaud their evill lives , and for to urge them forward strives . then to * hibernia takes his way , talks with the rebells , whose dismay he mitigateth , vaunting , he will both their guide and captain be . he vieweth scotland , but in ire departeth thence , and doth retire amongst the * cambrians , likes their acts , promiseth to reward their facts : returnes , to fill his fierie throne . the author makes conclusion . the prince of darknesse , in his flaming car , the same he rode in , when he seiz'd on * her he after made his queen , of cole-black hew , and mistie-footed , were the jades him drew , ascends the earth , and gallops up and downe great britaines continent , in every towne hee passes , and unseene himselfe doth shrowd , as venus once aeneas in a cloud : 'bout him a role he bare , in which hee writ vvhat he then saw for to remember it : and having tane his progresse quite throughout * britannia major , hee began to doubt , that if hee staid too long , the feinds of hell against him might combine and eke rebell : hee held it best no longer for to stay , * knowing that danger still waits on delay ; and therefore he gave to his steeds the reine , vvho hurried him like phaeton amaine : his chariots joulting so amaz'd his sence , that he let fall his pen'd intelligence : and till he came into the shades below , that he had lost his scrole , he did not know . johnsons prophetick * play is come to passe , who 'le now not say , the divell is an asse . a friend of mine as he by chance rid ore that dismall dunsmore-heath , not to explore as many doe , to plunder those they meet , beheld a role of paper at his feet ; takeing it up and viewing of it well , he found , to read it , did his wit excell , as the egiptians , ere they letters found , had all their books in hierogliphicks bound : such mistick writing did the scrole include , which uncouth piece when he to me had shew'd , with paine , and studie undefagitable i here have rendred as my muse , was able . plutos narratien . with great desire to know what things were done on earth , and whether mortalls did not shun the dire suggestions of my agents there , i hell forsook that i the truth might heare ; arriv'd on earth i prais'd my owne abode , knew my own good to be the stygian god ; for there i all things out of order found , but there is order underneath the ground . there each man studies evill 'gainst his brother , but there the feinds do never harm each other . * aenyo , i had thought her dwelling had in tartarus , but there i found her clad in bloodie garments , shaking of her light , and wooing all men to the bloodie fight . vile a●e there her mansion hath made , * and exerciseth her destroying trade : all things goe arsey-versey , quite contrary , and in ill-boding acts they strive to varie . they wrest the ballance from fair justice fist , and make her instruments doe what they list , and truth to say ( if ere i truth did tell ) there 's the effigies of distracted hell . his observations in england the nations with white rocks , who are surrounded , who are by neptunes billowes , each way bounded , whom i had fear'd , had hated mee so sore , they would not harken to my hellish lore ; henceforth my feares are taken cleare away , hereafter i le not doubt their soules decay . i came at first into a country towne , doubting my entertainement with the clowne , * i 'de thought their plaine rigid rusticitie had furnisht them with such simplicitie that they were void of those crimes cleave to them who a man only * as his clothes esteeme but even there the thrasher vying was vvith him who erst did mow the verdant grasse : there were two farmers who in wealth did flow , ceres , and twice borne * bacchus did allow them corn & wine abundance , their focks were great , rich autumn fil'd their barns with corn compleat : yet emulation did so far prevaile , they grudg'd each others good ; and would assaile , with sturdy blowes , each other , when they met , and toiles , to trap each others flock , would set : and when by chance , his neighbours horse he found , broke from his master , grazing on his ground , he with a knife would wound him , hoping now he nere again should draw the crooked plow . i like ye , ye dull swaines , and joy to see , that you in envie are so like to mee . another town next day i came unto , where all the inhabitants were prompt to doe what ere my agents should bring in their braine ; but for to doe ought vertuous held it vaine . they had liv'd long in blinded ignorance , my enemies gods pastors , who advance this kingdome above mine , they never had , and that they then them wanted , were most glad : their right hand from their left , they never knew , nor yet a reason of their faith could shew , o my true servants , you 'bove all i love , who for to live in darknesse doe approve , and hate the light ; the knowledge of the truth 't is that 't is that alone doth work mee ruth : " for had not learned men the truth discover'd , " but that behind a cloud it still had hover'd " how many thousands that are now in glee , " had been co-partners of my fact , with mee ? " i have no better prop stayes up my throne , " then ignorance , nurse of confusion : " and therefore i full wisely have provided , " that learned men should be by fooles derided : " the learning lives in penurie , and bare , " while fooles grow rich and feed on diantiest fare : " that no man should be honour'd for his wit , " but only golden oare should purchase it : " that if great homer , hesiod , mare , nas● , " ariosto , spenser , ●ar renowned tass● , " were now on earth , * they should not be regarded , " but fooles 'fore them respected and rewarded . proceed dull swads , still hate all learned men , but above all those that doe use their pen , compiling volumnes of theologie , reading high lectures of divinitie ; for those if you should them respect , would dare still for to make you of their good to share : and you by their instructions , so might be partakers of great joves felicitie . and next be sure , that you ne're faile to spight all those that doe of humane arts indite , of logick , rhetorick , philosophie , writing their minds in prose or poesie : " if you love me , as i am sure you do , " then you will hate those that do hate me too ; never peruse the grammar key of arts , nor he that doth of logick treat the parts : oflie queint rhetoricke , for that will move you for to be with humane arts in love , which as a key to you most sure will serve t' unlock the scriptures , from which now you swerve . his observations in london . luds famous towne i next beheld in view , and to my joy the neerer i it drew , the more i heard a loud and clamorous noise of those that utter'd a distracted voice , while some bawl'd out , we will not be subject unto our betters , * nor will yeeld respect to one more then another ; were we not all of one man , even adam first begot ? shall any tread on us , and make us thrall , " for they esteem all lawes tyrannicall : wee 'l each man be commander of his wealth , and each one be a law unto himselfe , and if we list to brawle , to fight , or slay , there 's none therefore shall ought unto us say : the sturdie oxe , the lovely cow doth mount , not dreaming to be called to account , the valiant horse performeth natures lawes , not fearing he lawes rigor on him drawes ; and is man more inslav'd then beasts , whose state is unto his great power subordinate ; we will be eas'd of lawes and bindings over , the golden age we will againe recover , the happie time is come , that we shall be restor'd to our restrained libertie . doe so my zealous sonnes , and imitate me your great master , who extreamly hate to be subjected , else i sure ne're had left the highest for the lowest sphere : why should you of sterne judges stand in awe , and for offences dread th' injurious law ? why should you be restrain'd from your desire , when with my furies i doe you inspire ? i do pronounce your thoughts and deeds to be as i would with most pleasing unto me ; you shall be sure , when you in hell reside , my torritories shall be amplifi'd for you , you there cum privilegio may refuse both god and man for to obey ; there you in dalliance may spend the time , and never feare amercement for your crime , with beauteous * iezabel and fairest * flora , * lais and * thais , stately * clopatra , with divers other farre renowned whores , of whom my kingdome now affordeth store : there you may dance corantoes , orpheus shall strike on his harp with you , the furies all shall hand in hand upon a burning hearth change their lavaltoes as if upon earth . neer there another troop alowd did crie , and with their ecchoing voices rent the skie ; how long shall we want that was promised us , and with vaine hopes be still deluded thus ? when will it be that those curst men shall die , who have occasion'd our calamitie . we faine would drink your blood with full crown'd cups even as the great balena water sups . and to devoure them now we could outvie , with the man-eating anthropophagi ; you are my dearest sonnes that faine would see your brethren butcher'd , and desire to be spectators of their tragick falls , o ever may you adde to your ire , and still persever , and lest your thirst forblood the least decay , i le send unto you my rhamnusia , who still shall prompt you , till your selves you make fit of my gloomie glories to partake : but when night drew her curtaine o're the world , and darknesse o're the hemisphere was hurl'd , i came to that same * tower , whereas once three princes were slaine by richards crueltie . his discourse with i. l. in the tower . and there imprison'd in a cage of stone , all in a melancholly passion , i saw one walking , unto whom i went , and did audacious * penree represent ; saying , o thou whom swords nor gibbets fears , thou who hast set three kingdomes by the ears , who hast the lords annointed so revil'd , that thou our english shimei maist be stil'd , who hast broach'd errours , a sufficient crew to damne this age and that which shall ensue , * who hast malign'd god , rail'd against all law , one like to thee no former age e're saw ; and if we heed pithagoras relation , my soule doth dwell in thee by transmigrarion : i in elizas daies wrote libells many , were before thine ne're parallell'd by any ; so that in evill we are brethren both , at this he began to wax wondrous wrath : and said , penree i scorn that thou shouldst bee my rivall , or by any rank'd with mee , it is my glory , that 'bove all ere dar'd to raile 'gainst church and state , they if compar'd with me were puny traytors , i am one shall ecclipse all their glories , and when gone , posterity when they my books shall view , shall stand amaz'd , i durst such boldnesse shew ; their eyes they shall not credit , some shall think it piety to force their eyes to wink , and not behold my lines , ( when as so high ) i saw his irreligious words to fly , as i unseen came thither , so from thence away i flew for more intelligence : and standing in the corner of a street , i there beheld a merchants man to meet a beauteous sattin dame , whose husband was one fit with * collins malbeeco to passe , on whom she smirked , and imbrac'd him saying , o i have been heart-sick for thy delaying : my dearest , come let us imbrace and be here on the earth another gemini ; away they went invoking * venus aid , lustfull * asmotheus both their minds then swaid , and to a house they came , where an old woman kept many wenches private , who were common , there he his masters gold about let fly , spending some hundred pounds luxuriously , just twenty pieces must buy her a gown , and twenty pieces more be swallowed down in wine and sweet meats , do so still my son , bring soule and bodie to confusion ; this is the bait with which most men i catch , save those that o're their faculties do watch , * bacchus and * venus are the cords which draw mens soules to hell . next unto these i saw a fellow laughing in his sleeve , that he so neatly could guild o're his fallacie that it was not discern'd , and so could seem , that men him as upright and just did deem , and did exalt him for to be their teacher , and hearkned to him as a vertuous preacher , while he meane time was onely seeming good , and lobsters and eringoes made his food , that he unto the height his whores might please in venus game their burning lust to ease , rejoyc'd in sin , and gloried that hee could with the worst of sinners wicked bee . ha , ha , why so ? i like this wondrous well , rejoyce ye furies and make glee in hell , all crimes are in this towne predominant , then how can you many associates want : many of these i shall to you prefer , you know the saw , the more the merrier . not farre from these a crew were seated round , a cobler who began for to expound , he knew the length of all their feet and he would not to humour them a preacher be : lord what an hurly burly was there there , mongst those that came this man devout to heare , while some applauded him , some him gaine said : not farre from these there by a river staid a multitude of maids and wives who strove who should the first the waters might approve , and be baptiz'd anew , while some were drench'd , their hot and fierie humours well were quench'd ; some adding fewell were unto the fire , and brothers giving sisters their desire : not far from these , stood many richly deckt in gay apparell , and with all respect adored , whose fore-fathers were but clowns , who till'd the earth , or kept sheep on the downs : and those did come out of noble progenie stood by them , all in rags and penurie : neare these a sort of ruffians closely set , were quaffing healths , while wine did wine beget : they drank to pluto , i requited them , and pledg'd a bowle of sulphure to the brim . in a by-place i saw some ladies lying upon their backs , while their baboones were trying to please their lustfull appetites , whom they on purpose highly fed , to give them play . the * cyprian queene by neptunes froth conceiv'd , homer , and maro , naso , have deceiv'd the vvorld , divulging by her instigation , lust is conceiv'd , alas it's derivation it hath from me , i doe the bellowes blow , and make men with lascivious heats to glow . i 've turn'd the good , jehovah did ordaine , for man and wife , to dreery care and paine . eve , by my she perswasion i brought on to bring all mankind to confusion . hath any minde to circumvent his foeman ? let him but take the counsell of a woman , and she will tell him , how to bring to passe , no horrid act ere without woman was . but how is hell deluded ? i had thought , britannias monarch i so low had brought , that the three * furies had inspired so the giddie commons , to his overthrow , that in their errors they would have gone on disloyally , their soveraigne to dis-throne , and would till death , esteeme it their chiefe glory , to be recorded traytors , upon story . but he that thunders with the powerfull voyce whose breath shal melt the world , commanded * ioyce to be a loyall subject to his king , and from a house into a campe to bring ; and for the fact , that his great * generall should be his guardian , lest that he fall by them who storm , the fates doe with them wrastle , and that their king is not in warwick castle , who do the * father of their country hate , and viper like their appetites would sate with their owne mothers blood , but i le reward them , a race of furies i le appoint to guard them , as they were wont on earth , and each of these shall be the soules of famous prentices . is there no way ( yee powers of hell ) to make fairfax his soveraigns welfare to forsake ? i le throw yee princes , from your diadems , lest you invent by some new stratagem , to take him off and turne his loyall heart to seek ( like some ) his country to subvert . but oh ! it cannot be , hee 's firmly bent , not to prove false , not for a parliament : he wisely guesses that the king is hee that must ( next god ) his sole protector bee ; and that these clouds , when once dispell'd and gone , he shall grow great , being planted neare his throne . who lookt for this but till jehovah will , who at his pleasure me controleth still . his observations in ireland . from england then i posted to the clime , vvhere by st. patricks wondrous * skill divine , the rude barbarians did inhabit there , o curst ! were taught jehovah for to feare : where when i came , i heard the kernes make prayer to me as unto jupiter the stayer , my grand vicegerent hath his nuncio there , who by his rhetorick incites them on , as when their fathers followed fierce tyrone , there is my throne erected , and by them my browes are circled with hells diadem : in spacious hell there are but furies three but there in each mans brest three thousand bee . o my deare sonns ye imitate me right , and as my nature is , you doe delight : because gods servants shall not howle in hell , for to torment them , while on earth they dwell , so that the sword so many lives nere gain'd , when as those brethren , death and scilla raign'd : the seven persecutions never wrought more mischief to gods saints then you have brought . the powers of hell are all at once ingag'd to ayd the irish , they by them inrag'd , performe my wish so well , that all my minde perform'd by those my agents now i find . proceed in ills o yee incarnate devills , and fill you up your cup brim full of evills ; exceed in furie till yee come to dwell and suffer with mee in the lowest hell . nor need your nigromancers use their charmes , i 'm prompt and readie to bring on all harmes on those that doe adore * almightie jove , and him to serve as he ordaines approve . o my deare sonnes ! you still maintaine the story , you will not want s. patricks purgatorie ; you have again erected that same grot , which of late yeares did cloghers bishop blot , vvhich florentianus bishop of that see divulged to his fond posteritie , vvho did believe s. patrick made relation of that same cell , by divine inspiration ; and by my sly deceit , i did perswade them , he there on earth a purgatorie made them . which easily upon their fancie wrought , when virgils * verses to their mind i brought ; who fancieth a place beneath the ground , where purging torments for mens souls were found . " where worn with anguish , there the soul doth smart , " and for its crimes , when living , hath desert : " some are hang'd in the ayre , in water some " are washt , or purg'd in fire , and have their doome . " each man , as was his fault , &c. goe forward still : ( but ah ) i greatly dread , the state of england will your race impede ; and force , perforce , gods worship you among , which ( to my joy unspeakable ) you long have wanted , and in spight of hell i feare , both rome , and i in vaine have toiled here . but in the meane time i adjure you all , like a disease that●s epidemicall , orer-un hibernia , and ere your fate constraine you stoope , sell your selves at deare rate : the fiends of hell on my part shall not faile , conglomerating , with you , to assaile my enemies , and yours ; let this you cheare that i to your assistance will appeare , and if jehovah crush me not , will i a meanes to gaine your glorious victorie . his arrivall in scotland . from this same * venom-wanting kingdome , i came into scotland where the mountaines high doe kisse the clouds , and vallies are as low , where trees are wanting , onely shrubs doe grow ; where nature scants her bounty , nor doth deigne sometime to yeild the husbandman his paine : here ( ô my soule ) my lookt for hopes were crost , * montrevill , and my selfe our hopes have lost : i hoped once for to have kindled warre 'twixt them and england , and dispatched * her that mov'd fierce turnus , though unto his bane , with venus * son fierce warrs for to darraine . but he whose power ding'd me downe to hell , with my confederates that durst rebell , and sent the spirit , that in gleames of fire , shaped like tongues , did once the twelve inspire , who soone made voyd the hags infernall skill , and held them stedfast ; howle ye furies , fill all hell with clamor ; quickly was i gone from those great enemies unto my throne , his observations in wales . and into wales i came , where those doe live that from the trojan brute their race derive , who are a people of themselves , whose tongue differs from all on earth , who once were strong , and did to follow banefull mars delight , and sometime ward on england , and whose might was farre renowned when prince lewline raign'd ; but now such power i over them have gain'd , they 're growne effeminate , corruptly live , and doe more heed to merlins sayings give , then to the scriptures , that so much i hate , i also by my agents instigate them so to wrath , that in their fury they care not their fathers with the sword to slay : and do so still , let nought your yre deter , imitate me , alwaies a murtherer . and may you still in blood , and death delight , carve up the bodies whom you owe least spight : and when to hell you shall be tumbled downe , i 'le give to each of you a flameing crowne . i ne're had mirth in all my progresse , till in a thatcht cottage stood beside a hill , i heard a shepheard courting of his lasse it was so pritty , i 'le not let it passe . a dialogue between diggon and madge . madge my deare and bonny frillock , sit we downe beside this hillock , all my cuds , my best belwether who doth lure my flock together , i would all bestow on thee , so thou would'st but smirke on mee ; thy lowring scowling makes me dumpish , for to see my love so frumpish . madge . diggon thou talk'st like a lorrell , shewing that thy wit is borrell , there is claius that can talk like a man made out of chalk , and singing ditties joy my soule , as when i heare my fathers owle , who in an earthen cage doth sing sweetly when the trees do spring , he upon his horne can play , while i talke a roundelay , and in rimes a full yard long , he can make a merry song : but thou in these things art a * fon , nor can i smirk on thee diggon . diggon . ( out alas ) my dearest honey , i can't but love , th'art so bonny : thy snarly haire , thy cheeks as red , as paint that they on signes do spread : high colour'd , as the new burnt brick , thy slender waste just two yards thick : thy knotty fingers , large siz'd hand , thy dried thighes , the which do stand asunder , like two blasted oakes , or like to neer adjoyning rocks ; with thy splay-foot and horned toes , doe fire my heart , when as thou goes tripping through the dirt and mire . madge . to heare my beauties praise doth tire : my tender hearts now i 'le be gone , yonder stands a tree diggon . diggon . a penny rope anon i 'le buy , and hang my selfe before i die . and yet you further joy to me procure , in that you care not for good literature , but are a people rude ; and void of that which your renowned bardus pointed at , without the knowledge of jehovahs word , how many thousands doth your land afford , all which doth show you faithfull servants be , and even while on earth , converse with me . the authors conclusion . thus wrote the prince of darknesse : yet i see , as it hath often hapned unto me , he lost his labour , and did never beare his scroll to hell , for to peruse it there , but left it on the earth ; perhaps some hand from heaven snatcht it by divine command : allotting me the same abroad to shew , as i have sent it ( readers ) to your view . to the common readers . for you , you may your mindes evacuate , and talk your fills , i not regard your prate . to the knowing readers , or the muses darlings . for you , if you for mercy find no roome , i pray that mildly you 'l pronounce my doome . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a e- * england ; * ireland . * wales . * proserpine . * great britain . * sentence . * a comedy , written by b. johnson so termed . the state of the world at this present . * one of the furies . * contention who the poets write to throw a golden apple , juno , venus , minerva , biding the most beauteous of the three goddesses to take it , &c. * citizens , * the goddesse of plenty , according to the poets . * the god of wine , said to be twice borne of semele , and againe of joves thigh . * " homer and hesiod two greeke poets , living , as some write , in one age : virgil and ovid , two latine poets liv'd at one and the same time . ariosto and tasso , two most excellent italian poets , the one flourished in the dayes of k. henry the eight , the other in the daies of his daughter queen mary . spencer the best and most excellent of english poets that ever was flourished in the daies of queen elizabeth●●●●●…sed memory . * ovid de ponto : ipse licet venias musis comitatus homere . nil tamen attuleris ibis homere foras . * the wicked wife of wicked ahab . * a whore of rome , who dying made the people of that city her heires , who after her death worshipped her with divine honours . * her whom the gallants of athens would faine have had diogenes to have dallied with : but hee replied to her and them that hee would not buy sin at so dear a rate . * a famous whore of rome . * queen of egypt and whore to julius caesar . * the tower of london . * the first king henry the sixt stabbed with a dagger by richard then duke of glocester , the other two were his brothers sonnes , who by his procurement were there murthered . * a libeller in the daies of q. elizabeth . pluto leaveth the tower , and cometh againe into the city . * spensers . * fained to be the goddesse of beautie , and protectresse of lust . * a spirit having to do with women . * wine and * women . a cobler preaching . anabaptists . * venus said to be conceived of the foame of the sea . * megaera , tysiphone , and alecto , said to intice men to evill acts . * cornet joyce * the renowned sir thomas fairfax . * pious kings , such as is our soveraigne l. k. charles , are truly termed pater patriae , fathers of their countrey . * if we may credit thyraeus , ●iffroenatos animos infernalium poenarum terrore emolliebat , ut sicad fidem invitos compellaret incredul●s enim de damnatorum poenis ac suppliciis dubitantibus , & visible testimonium pet●●●ibus signum , hoc sicut traditio fidel●● , multique non ignobiles authores referunt , ostendit circulum in terra fecit , intra cujus ambitum hiatus ingens aspectu horribilis apparuit , per cujus occultos & sinuosus luctus , ejulatus , & lamentabiles voces saepe audiebantur . guliel . thyraus . * the true god . * it was demolished by decree from rome , anno . and of late yeares wholly taken away by henry jones bishop of clogher an. . but since this rebellion is again re-edified and augmented by the rebells : into this place doth stephanus forcatulus make arthur king of the britains to enter , where he saith : specum longo recessu opacum rex invisere , non est gravatus , & relicto spiritu libero in illum se demittere , in quem nullum discrimen diei & noctis perveniret , relicto in tergo luce , descensu aspero , declivi itinere , & tenebris assiduis , diffuso natura prorsus & fabula , memorando ferebatur enim ad manes pervius , specus vel certè ad locum , in quo animae eorum qui dum viverent , sesevitiis & labe aliqua eluibili iuquinaverunt : recocti , fortè patricus , inter inanes & efferatos populos lepido commento usus fuerat , quo magis eos a peccatis deterreret , & ultricem adesse pene domi ostenderet , imbutus numisse merlinus specum patricii . vlysses forsooth was driven on the irish coast when he wandred by sea ; and homers fabulous relation taken for a true story , he intending onely an allegorie : vlyssi in decantatiae illis erroribus in hybernia acto adscripserit , effossum quidem primùm , ulyssis ense ad cubtti mensuram , deinde circulum altissimè impressum successu temporis increvisse , quod dicit odiss . . & steph. forcatulus de gal. imper. & phil. lib. . pag. . * ireland is said to have no snake , toad , or any other venemous creature in it . * the french agent . * l aecto . * aeneas . * a foole virgidemiarum sixe bookes. first three bookes. of tooth-lesse satyrs. . poeticall. . academicall. . morall. virgidemiarum. books - hall, joseph, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : a, : ) virgidemiarum sixe bookes. first three bookes. of tooth-lesse satyrs. . poeticall. . academicall. . morall. virgidemiarum. books - hall, joseph, - . [ ], , [ ] p. printed by iohn harison, for robert dexter, london : . by joseph hall. in verse. the numbered items are bracketed together on the title page. identified as part of stc on umi microfilm reel . reproductions of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery (same copy filmed twice). created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - jonathan blaney sampled and proofread - jonathan blaney text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion virgidemiarvm sixe bookes . first three bookes , of tooth-lesse satyrs . . poeticall . . academicall . . morall . london printed by iohn harison , for robert dexter . . his defiance to enuie . nay : let the prouder pines of ida feare the sudden fires of heauen : and decline their yeelding tops , that dar'd the skies whilere : and shake your sturdie trunks ye prouder pines , vvhose swelling graines are like be gald alone , vvith the deepefurrowes of the thunder-stone . stand ye secure , ye safer shrubs below , in humble dales , whome heauns doe not despight : nor angrie clouds conspire your ouerthrow , enuying at your too-disdainfull hight . let high attempts dread enuy , and ill tongues , and cowardly shrinke for feare of causles wrongs so wont big okes feare winding yuy-weed : so soaring egles feare the neighbour sonne : ●o golden mazor wont suspicion breed , deadly hemlocks poysoned potion , so adders shroud themselues in fairest leaues : so fouler fate the fayrer thing bereaues . nor the low bush feares climbing yuy-twine : nor lowly bustard dreads the distant rayes . nor earthen pot wont secret death to shrine : nor suttle snake doth lurke in pathed wayes . nor baser deed dreads enuy and ill tongues , nor shrinks so soone for feare of causelesse wrongs . needs me then hope , or doth me need mis-dread : hope for that honor , dread that wrongfull spight : spight of the partie , honor of the deede , vvhich wont alone on loftie obiects light . that enuie should accoast my muse and me , for this so rude , and recklesse poesie . vvould she but shade her tender browes with bay , that now lye bare in carelesse wilfull rage : and trance her selfe in that sweete extasey , that rouzeth drouping thoughts of bashfull age . ( tho now those bays , and that aspired thought , in carelesser age , she sets at worse then nought . ) or would we loose her plumy pineon , manicled long with bonds of modest feare : soone might she haue those kestrels proud out gone , vvhose flightie wings are dew'd with weeter aire ; and hopen now to shoulder from aboue the eagle from the stayrs of friendly ioue or list she rather in late triumph reare eternall trophees to some conqueror , vvhose dead deserts slept in his sepulcher , and neuer saw , nor life , nor light before : to lead sad pluto captiue with my song , to grace the triumphs he obscur'd so long . or scoure the rusted swords of eluish knighes , bathed in pagan blood : or sheath them new in misty morall types ; or tell their fights , vvho mightie giants , or who monsters slew . and by some strange inchanted speare and shield ▪ vanquisht their foe , and wan the doubtfull field . may be she might in stately stanzaes frame stories of ladies , and aduenturous knights , to raise her silent and inglorious name , vnto areach-lesse pitch of prayses hight . and somewhat say , as more vnworthie done . vvorthie of brasse , and hoary marble stone . then might vaine enuy waste her duller wing , to trace the aerysteps , she spiting sees : and vainly faint in hoplesse following the clouded paths her natiue drosse denies . but now such lowly satyres here i sing , not worth our muse , not worth their enuying . to good ( if ill ) to be expos'd to blame : too good , if worse , to shadow shamlesse vice . ill , if too good , not answering their name : so good and ill infickle censure lies . since in our satyre lyes both good and ill , and they and it , inuarying readers will. vvitnesse ye muses how i wilfull song these heddy rimes , withoutē second care : and wish't them worse , my guiltie thoughts among : the ruder satyre should go rag'd and bare : and show his rougher and his hairy hide : tho mine be smooth , and deckt in carelesse pride . vvould we but breath within a wax-bound quill . pans seuenfold pipe , some plaintiue pastor all : to teach each hollow groue , and shrubby hill , ech murmuring brooke , each solit arie vale to sound our loue , and to our song accord , vvearying eccho with one changelesse word . or list vs make two striuing shephards sing , vvith costly wagers for the victorie , vnder menalcas iudge : whiles one doth bring a caruen bole well wrought of beechen tree : praysing it by the storie , or the frame , or want of vse , or skilfull makers name . another layeth a well-marked lambe , or spotted kid , or some more forward steere ; and from the payle doth praise their fertile dam : so doe they striue in doubt , in hope , in feare , a wayting for their trustie vmpires doome , faulted as false , by him that 's ouercome . vvhether so me list my louely thought to sing , come daunce ye nimble dryads by my side : ye gentlewood - nymphs come : and with you bring the willing faunes that mought your musick guide com nimphs and faunes , that haunt those shady groues vvhiles i report my fortunes or my loues . or whether list me sing so per sonate , my striuing selfe to conquer with my verse : speake ye attentiue swaynes that heard me late , needs me giue grasse vnto the conquerers . at colins feete i throw my yeelding reede : but let the rest win homage by their deed . but now ( ye muses ) sith your sacred hests profaned are by each presuming tongue : in scornfull rage i vow this silent rest , that neuer field nor groue shall heare my song . only these refuse rymes i here mispend , to chide the world , that did my thoughts offend . de suis satyris . dum satyrae dixi , videor dixisse satirae corripio ; aut istaec non satis est satyra . irafacit satyram , reliquum sat temperat iram ; pinge two satyram sanguine , tum satyra est . ecce nouam satyram : satyrum sine cornibus ! euge monstra noui monstri haec , & satyri & satyrae . virgidemiarvm . lib . i. prologue . i first aduenture , with foole-hardie might , to treade the steps of perilous despight : i first aduenture , follow me who list , and be the second english satyrist . enuy waits on my backe , truth on my side : enuy will be my page , and truth my guide . enuie the margent holds , and truth the line : truth doth approue , but enuie doth repine . for in this smoothing age who durst indite , hath made his pen an hyred parasite . to claw the back of him that beastly liues , and pranck base men in proud superlatiues . vvhence damned vice is shrouded quite from shame and crown'd with vertues meed , immortall name : infamy dispossest of natiue due , ordain'd of old on looser life to sue : the worlds eye bleared with those shamelesse lyes , mask'd in the shew of meal-mouth'd poesies . go daring muse , on with thy thanklesse taske , and do the vgly face of vice vnmaske : and if thou canst not thine high flight remit , so as it mought a lowly satyre fit , let lowly satyres rise a loft to thee : truth be thy speede , & truth thy patron bee . sat. i. nor ladies wanton loue , nor wandring knight , legend i out in rimes all richly dight . nor fright the reader with the pagan vaunt of mightie mahound , and greate termagaunt . nor list i sonnet of my mistresse face , to paint some blowesse with a borrowed grace , nor can i bide to pen some hungrie scene for thick-skin eares , and vndescerning eyne . nor euer could my scornfull muse abide with tragick shooes her ankles for to hide . nor can i crouch , and writhe my fauning tayle to some greate patron , for my best auayle . such hunger-staruen trencher poetrie , or let it neuer liue , or timely die : nor vnder euerie bank , and euerie tree , speake rymes vnto my oten minstralsie : nor caroll out so pleasing liuely laies , as mought the graces moue my mirth to praise . trumpet , and reeds , and socks , and buskins fine , i them bequeath : whose statues wandring twine of yuy , mixt with bayes , circlen around their liuing temples likewise laurell-bound . rather had i , albee in carelesse rymes , check the mis-ordered world , and lawlesse times . nor need i craue the muses mid-wifry , to bring to light so worth-lesse poetry : or if we list , what baser muse can bide , to sit and sing by grantaes naked side ? they hunt the tyded thames and salt medway , ere since the same of their late bridall day . nought haue we here but willow-shaded shore , to tell our grant his banks are left for lore . sat. ii. vvhilome the sisters nine were vestall maides , and held their temple in the secret shades . of faire parnassus that two-headed hill , whose auncient fame the southern world did fill . and in the stead of their eternall fame , was the coole streame , that tooke his endles name , from out the fertile hoofe of winged steed : there did they sit and do their holy deed , that pleas'd both heauen and earth : till that of late , whome should i fault ? or the most righteous fate ? or heauen , or men , or fiends , or ought beside , that euer made that foule mischance betide ? some of the sisters in securer shades . defloured were : and euer since disdaining sacred shame . done ought that might their heauenly stock defame . now is pernassus turned to a stewes : and on bay-stocks the wanton myrtle grewes . cythêron hill's become a brothel-bed , and pyrene sweete , turnd to a poysoned head of cole-blacke puddle : whose infectious staine corrupteth all the lowly fruitfull plaine . their modest stole , to garish looser weede , deck't with loue-fauors : their late whordoms meed . and where they wont sip of the simple flood , now tosse they bowles of bacchus boyling bloud , i maruelled much with doubtfull iealousie , whence came such litturs of new poetrie ; mee thought i fear'd , least the horse-hoofed well his natiue banks did proudly ouer-swell in some late discontent , thence to ensue such wondrous rablements of rime-sters new : but since , i saw it painted on fames wings , the muses to be woxen wantonings . each bush , each bank , and ech base apple-squire , can serue to sate their beastly lewd desire . ye bastard poets see your pedigree from common trulls and loathsome brothelry . sat. iii. vvith some pot-furie rauisht from their wit , they sit and muse on some no-vulgar writ : as frozen dung-hils in a winters morne , that voyd of vapours seemed all beforne , soone as the sun , sends out his piercing beames , exhale out filthie smoke and stinking steames : so doth the base , and the fore-barren braine , soone as the raging wine begins to raigne . one higher pitch'd doth set his soaring thought on crowned kings that fortune hath low brought : or some vpreared , high-aspiring swaine as it might be the turkish tamberlaine . then weeneth he his base drink-drowned spright , rapt to the threefold loft of heauen hight , when he conceiues vpon his fained stage the stalking steps of his greate personage , graced with huf-cap termes , and thundring threats , that his poore hearers hayre quite vpright sets . such soone , as some braue minded hungrie youth sees fitly frame to his wide-strained mouth , he vaunts his voyce vpon an hyred stage , with high-set steps , and princely carriage ; now soouping in side robes of royaltie , that earst did skrub in lowsie brokerie . there if he can with termes italianate , big-sounding sentences , and words of state , faire patch me vp his pure iambick verse , he rauishes the gazing scaffolders : then certes was the famous corduban neuer but halfe so high tragedian . now , least such frightfull showes of fortunes fall , and bloudy tyrants rage , should chance appall the dead stroke audience , midst the silent rout , comes leaping in a selfe-mis formed lout , and laughes , and grins , and frames his mimik face , and iustles straight into the princes place . then doth the theatre eccho all aloud , with gladsome noyse of that applauding croud . a goodly hoch-poch ; when vile russettings , are match with monarchs , and with mightie kings . a goodly grace to sober tragick muse , when each base clowne , his clumbsie fist doth bruise and show his teeth in double rotten-row , for laughter at his selfe-resembled show . meane while our poets in high parliament , sit watching euerie word , and gesturement , like curious censors of some doughtie geare , whispering their verdit in their fellowes eare . wo to the word whose margent in their scrole , is noted with a blacke condemning cole . but if each periode might the synode please , ho , bring the iuy boughs , and bands of bayes now when they part and leaue the naked stage , gins the bare hearer in a guiltie rage , to curse and ban , and blame his likerous eye , that thus hath lauisht his late halfe-penie . shame that the muses should be bought and sold , for euerie peasants brasse , on each scaffold . sat. iiii. too popular is tragicke poesie , strayning his tip-toes for a farthing fee , and doth besides on rimelesse numbers tread , vnbid iambicks flow from carelesse head . some brauer braine in high heroick rimes compileth worm-eate stories of olde times : and he like some imperious maronist , coniures the muses that they him assist . then striues he to bumbast his feeble lines with farre-fetcht phrase : and maketh vp his hard-betaken tale with strange enchantments , fetcht from darkesome vale of some melissa , that by magicke doome to tuscans soyle transporteth merlins toombe : painters and poets holde your auncient right : write what you will , and write not what you might : their limits be their list , their reason will. but if some painter in presuming skill , should paint the stars in center of the earth , could ye forbeare some smiles , and taunting mirth ? but let no rebell satyre dare traduce th' eternall legends of thy faerie muse , renowmed spencer : whom no earthly wight dares once to emulate , much lesse dares despight . salust of france , and tuscan ariost , yeeld vp the lawrell garland ye haue lost : and let all others willow weare with me , or let their vndeseruing temples bared be . sat. v. another , whose more heauie hearted saint delights in nought but notes of rufull plaint , vrgeth his melting muse with sollem teares rime of some drerie fates of lucklesse peeres . then brings he vp some branded whining ghost , to till how old misfortunes had him tost . then must he ban the guiltlesse fates aboue , or fortune fraile , or vnrewarded loue . and when he hath parbrak'd his grieued minde , he sends him downe where earst he did him find , without one penie to pay charons hire , that waiteth for the wandring ghosts retire . sat. another scorns the home-spun thred of rimes , match'd with the loftie feete of elder times : giue me the numbred verse that virgill sung , and virgill selfe shall speake the english toung : manhood and garboiles shall he chaunt with chaunged feete and head-strong dactils making musicke meete . the nimble dactils striuing to out-go the drawling spondees pacing it below . the lingring spondees , labouring to delay , the breath-lesse dactils with a sodaine stay . who euer saw a colte wanton and wilde , yoakt with a slow-foote oxe on fallow field ? can right areed how handsomely besets dull spondees with the english dactilets ? if ioue speake english in a thundring cloud , thwick thwack , and riffe raffe , rores he out aloud . fie on the forged mint that did create new coyne of words neuer articulate . sat. vii . great is the folly of a feeble braine , ore-rulde with loue , and tyrannous disdaine : for loue , how-euer in the basest brest , it breedes high thoughts that feed the fancie best . yet is he blinde , and leades poore fooles awrie , while they hang gazing on their mistresse eye . the loue-sicke poet , whose importune prayer repulsed is with resolute dispaire , hopeth to conquer his disdainfull dame , with publike plaints of his conceiued flame . then powres he foorth in patched sonettings , his loue , his lust , and loathsome flatterings : as tho the staring world hāgd on his sleeue , when once he smiles , to laugh : and when he sighs , to grieue . careth the world , thou loue , thou liue , or die ? careth the world how faire thy faire one be ? fond wit-wal that wouldst lode thy wit-lesse head with timely hornes , before thy bridall bed . then can he terme his durtie ill-fac'd bride ladie and queene , and virgin deified : be shee all sootie-blacke , or berie browne , shee 's white as morrows milk , or flakes new blowne . and tho she be some dunghill drudge at home , yet can he her resigne some refuse roome amids the well-knowne stars : or if not there , sure will he saint her in his calendere . sat. viii . hence ye prophane : mell not with holy things , that sion muse from palestina brings . parnassus is transform'd to sion-hill , and iury-palmes her steepe ascents done fill . now good s. peter weepes pure helicon , and both the maries make a musicke mone : yea and the prophet of the heauenly lire , great salomon , sings in the english quire , and is become a new found sonetist , singing his loue , the holy spouse of christ : like as she were some light-skirts of the rest , in mightiest ink-hornismes he can thither wrest . ye sion muses shall by my deare will , for this your zeale , and farre-admired skill , be straight transported from ierusalem , vnto the holy house of bethleem . sat. ix . enuie ye muses , at your thriuing mate , cupid hath crowned a new laureat : i saw his statue gayly tyr'd in greene , as if he had some second phoebus beene . his statue trimd with the venerean tree , and shrined faire within your sanctuarie . what , he , that ea●st to gaine the riming goale the worne recitall-post of capitol , rimed in rules of stewish ribaldrie , teaching experimentall bauderie ? whiles th'itching vulgar tickled with the song , hanged on their vnreadie poets tongue . take this ye patient muses : and foule shame shall waite vpon your once profaned name . take this , ye muses , this so high despight , and let all hatefull lucklesse birds of night : let scriching owles nest in your razed roofes , and let your sloore with horned satyres hoofes be dinted and defiled euerie morne : and let your walles be an eternall scorne . what if some shordich furie should incite some lust-stung letcher : must he needes indite the beastly rites of hyred venerie , the whole worlds vniuersall bawd to be ? did neuer yet no damned libertine , nor elder heathen , nor new florentine , tho they were famous for lewd libertie , venture vpon so shamefull villanie our epigrammatarians olde and late , were wont be blam'd for too licentiate . chast men , they did but glaunce at lesbias deed , and handsomely leaue off with cleanly speed . but arts of whoring : stories of the stewes , ye muses , will ye beare , and may refuse ? nay let the diuell , and saint valentine , be gossips to those ribald rimes of thine . finis . virgidemiarvm . lib . ii. prologue . or beene the manes of that cynick spright , cloth'd with some stubborn clay & led to light ? or doe the relique ashes of his graue reuiue and rise from their for saken caue ? that so with gall-weet words and speeches rude , controls the maners of the multitude . enuie belike incites his pining heart , and bids it sate it selfe with others smart . nay , no despight : but angrie nemesis , vvhose scourge doth follow all that done amisse : that scourge i beare , albe in rude fist , and wound , and strike , and pardon whom she list . sat. i. for shame write better labeo , or write none , or better write , or labeo write alone , nay call the cynick but a wittie foole , tnence to abiure his handsome drinking bole : because the thirstie swaine with hollow hand , conueied the streame to weet his drie weasand . write they that can , tho they that cannot , doe : but who knowes that , but they that do not know . lo what it is that makes white rags so deare , that men must giue a teston for a queare . lo what it is that makes goose-wings so scant , that the distressed semster did them want , so , lauish ope-tyde causeth fasting-lents , and starueling famine comes of large expence . might not ( so they where pleasd that beene aboue ) long paper-abstinence our death remoue ? then manie a lollerd would in forfaitment , beare paper-fagots ore the pauement . but now men wager who shall blot the most , and each man writes . ther 's so much lobour lost , that 's good , that 's great : nay much is sildome well , of what is bad , a littl 's a greate deale . better is more : but best is nought at all . lesse is the next , and lesser criminall . little and good , is greatest good saue one , then labeo , or write little or write none . tush but small paynes can be but little art , or lode full drie-fats fro the forren mart . with folio-volumes , two to an oxe hide , or else ye pamphleter go stand a side , reade in each schoole , in euerie margent coted , in euerie catalogue for an autour noted . there 's happinesse well giuen , and well got , lesse gifts , and lesser gaines i weigh them not . so may the giant rome and write on high , be he a dwarfe that writes not their as i. but well fare strabo , which as stories tell , contriu'd all troy within one walnut shell . his curious ghost now lately hither came . arriuing neere the mouth of luckie tame : i saw a pismire strugling with the lode , dragging all troy home towards her abode . now dare we hither , if we durst appeare , the subtile stithy-man that liu'd while eare : such one was once , or once i was mistaught , a smith at uulcans owne forge vp brought , that made an iron-chariot so light , the coach-horse was a flea in trappings dight . the tame-lesse steed could well his wagon wield , through downes and dales of the vneuen field . striue they laugh we : meane while the black storie passes new strabo , and new straboes troy. little for great : and great for good : all one : for shame or better write , or labeo write none . but who coniur'd this bawdie poggies ghost , from out the stewes of his lewde home-bred coast : or wicked rablais dronken reuellings , to grace the mis-rule of our tauernings ? or who put bayes into blind cupids fist , that he should crowne what laureats him list ? whose words are those , to remedie the deed , that cause men stop their noses when they read ? both good things ill , and ill things well : all one ? for shame write cleanly labeo , or write none . sat. ii. to what end did our lauish auncestours , erect of old these stately piles of ours ? for thred-bare clearks , and for the ragged muse whom better fit some cotes of sad secluse ? blush niggard age , and be asham'd to see , these monuments of wiser ancestrie . and ye faire heapes the muses sacred shrines , ( in spight of time and enuious repines ) stand still and flourish till the worlds last day , vpbrayding it with former loues decay . here may you muses , our deare soneraignes , scorne each base lordling euer you disdaines , and euerie peasant churle , whose smokie roofe denied harbour for your deare behoofe . scorne ye the world before it do complaine , and scorne the world that scorneth you againe . and scorne contempt it selfe that doth incite each single-sold squire to set you at so light . what needes me care for anie bookish skill , to blot white papers with my restlesse quill : or poare on painted leaues : or beat my braine with far-fetch thought , or to consume in vaine in latter euen , or midst of winter nights , ill sinelling oyles , or some still-watching lights . let them that meane by bookish buisinesse to earne their bread : or hopen to professe their hard got skill : let them alone for mee ; busie their braines with deeper bookerie . great gaines shall bide you sure , when ye haue spent a thousand lamps : and thousand reames haue rent of needlesse papers , and a thousand nights haue burned out with costly candle lights . ye palish ghosts of athens ; when at last , your patrimonie spent in witlesse wast , your friends all wearie , and your spirits spent , ye may your fortunes seeke : and be forwent sat. iii. vvho doubts ? the lawes fel down frō heauēs height , like to some gliding starre in winters night . themis the scribe of god did long agone , engraue them deepe in during marble-stone , and cast them downe on this vnruly clay , that men might know to rule and to obay . but now their characters depraued bin , by them that would make gain of others sin . and now hath wrong so maistered the right , that they liue best , that on wrongs off all light ; so loathly flye that liues on galled wound , and scabby festers inwardly vnsound , feedes fatter with that poysnous carrion , then they that haunt the healthy lims alone . wo to the weale where many lawiers bee , for there is sure much store of maladie . t' was truely said , and truely was foreseene the fat kine are deuoured of the leane . genus and species long since barefoote went , vpon their ten-toes in wilde wanderment : whiles father bartoll on his footcloth rode , vpon high pauement gayly siluer-strowd . each home-bred science percheth in the chaire , while sacred artes grouell on the groundsell bare . since pedling barbarismes gan be in request , nor classicke tongues , nor learning found no rest . the crowching client , with low-bended knee , and manie worships , and faire flatterie , tels on his tale as smoothly as him list , but still the lawyers eye squints on his fist : if that seeme lined with a larger fee , doubt not the suite , the law is plaine for thee . tho must he buy his vainer hope with price , disclout his crownes , and thanke him for aduice . so haue i seene in a tempestuous stowre , some bryer-bush shewing shelter from the showre , vnto the hopefull sheepe , that faine would hide his fleecie coate from that same angrie tide . the ruthlesse breere regardlesse of his plight , laies holde vpon the fleece he should acquite , and takes aduantage of the carelesse pray , that thought she in securer shelter lay . the day is faire , the sheepe would fare to feede : the tyrant brier holdes fast his shelters meed , and claimes it for the fee of his defence : so robs the sheepe , in fauours faire pretence . sat. iiii. vvorthie were galen to be weighed in gold , whose help doth sweetest life & helth vphold yet by s. escnlape he sollemne swore , that for diseases they were neuer more , fees neuer lesse , neuer so little gaine , men giue a groate and aske the rest againe . groats-worth of health , can anie leech allot ? yet should he haue no more that giues a groate : should i on each sicke plliow leane my brest . and grope the pulse of euerie mangie wrest : and spie out maruels in each vrinall : and rumble vp the filths that from them fall , and giue a dosse for euerie disease , in prescripts long and tedious recipes : all for so leane reward of art and me ? no horse-leach but will looke for larger fee. meane while if chaunce some desp'rate patient die , com'n to the period of his destinie : ( as who can crosse the fatall resolution , in the decreed day of dissolution : ) whether ill tendment , or recurelesse paine , procure his death ; the neighbours all complaine , th'unskilfull leech murdred his patient , by poyson of some foule ingredient . hereon the vulgar may as soone be brought to socrates-his poysoned hemlock-drought , as to the wholsome iulap , whose receat might his diseases lingring force defeat . if nor a dramme of triacle soueraigne , or aqua vitae , or sugar candian , nor kitchin-cordials can it remedie , certes his time is come , needs mought he die . were i a leech , as who knowes what may be , the liberall man should liue , and carle should die . the sickly ladie , and the gowtie peere still would i haunt , that loue their life so deare . where life is deare , who cares for coyned drosse ? that spent , is counted gaine , and spared , losse : or would coniure the chymick mercurie , rise from his hors-dung bed , and vpwards flie : and with glasse-stils , and sticks of iuniper , raise the black-spright that burnes not with the fire : and bring quintessence of elixir pale , out of sublimed spirits minerall . each powdred graine raunsometh captiue kings , purchaseth realmes , and life prolonged brings . sat. v. saw'st thou euer siquis patch'd on pauls church doore , to seeke some vacant vicarage before ? who wants a churchman , that can seruice sey , read fast , and faire , his monthly homiley ? and wed , and burie , and make christen-soules ? come to the left-side alley of saint poules . thou seruile foole , why could'st thou not repaire to buy a benefice at steeple-faire ? there moughtest thou for but a slender price , aduowson thee with some fat benefice : or if thee list not waite for dead mens shoon , nor pray ech morn th'incumbents daies were doon : a thousand patrons thither ready bring , their new-falne churches to the chaffering , stake three yeares stipend ; no man asketh more : go take possession of the church-porch-doore : and ring thy bels ; lucke stroken in thy fist : the parsonage is thine or ere thou wist . saint fooles of go●am , mought thy parish be , for this thy base and seruile symonie . sat. vi. a gentle squire would gladly intertaine into his house , some trencher-chaplaine : some willing man that might instruct his sons , and that would stand to good conditions . first that he lie vpon the truckle-bed , whiles his yong maister lieth ore his hed . second , that he do , on no default , euer presume to sit aboue the salt . third , that he neuer change his trencher twise . fourth , that he vse all common courtesies : sit bare at meales , and one halfe rise and wait . last , that he neuer his yong master beat , but he must aske his mother to define , how manie ierkes she would his breech should line . all these obseru'd , he could contented bee , to giue fiue markes and winter liuerie . sat. vii . in th' heauens vniuersall alphabet . all earthly thinges so surely are foreset , that who can read those figures , may foreshew what euer thing shall afterwards ensue faine would i know ( might it our artist please ) why can his tell-troth ephemerides teach him the weathers state so long beforne : and not fore-tell him , nor his fatall horne nor his deaths-day , nor no such sad euent which he mought wisely labour to preuent ? thou damned mock-art , and thou brainsick tale , of old astrologie : where didst thou vaile thy cursed head thus long : that so it mist the black bronds of some sharper satyrist . some doting gossip mongst the chaldee wiues , did to the credulous world thee first deriue : and superstition nurs'd thee euer sence , and publisht in profounder arts pretence : that now who pares his nailes , or libs his swine , but he must first take counsell of the signe . so that the vulgars count for faire or foule , for liuing or for dead , for sicke or whole : his feare or hope , for plentie or for lacke , hangs all vpon his new-yeares almanack . if chance once in the spring his head should ake : it was foretold : thus sayes mine almanack . in th' heauens high-streete are but dozen roomes , in which dwels all the world , past and to come : twelue goodly innes they are , with twelue fayre signes , euer well tended by our star-diuines . euerie mans head innes at the horned ramme , the whiles the necke the black-buls guest became : the'arms by good hap , meet at the wrastling twins , th' heart in the way at the blew-lion innes . the legs their lodging in aquarius got , that is the bride-streete of the heauen , i wot . the feete tooke vp the fish with teeth of gold : but who with scorpio lodg'd , may not be told . what office then doth the star-gazer beare ? or let him be the heauens ostelere : or tapsters some : or some be chamberlaines , to waite vpon the guests they entertaine . hence can they reade , by vertue of their trade , when anie thing is mist where it was laide . hence they diuine , and hence they can deuise : if their ayme faile , the stars to moralize . demon my friend once liuer-sicke of loue , thus learn'd i by the signes his griefe remoue . in the blinde archer first i saw the signe , when thou receiu'dst that wilfull wound of thine : and now in uirgo is that cruell mayd , which hath not yet with loue thy loue repaide . but marke when once it comes to gemini , straight way fish-whole shall thy sicke liuer be . but now ( as th' angrie heauens seeme to threat manie hard fortunes , and disastres great : if chance it come to wanton capricorne , and so into the rams disgracefull horne , then learne thou of the vgly scorpion , to hate her for her fowle abusion : thy refuge then the ballance be of right , which shall thee from thy broken bond acquite : so with the crab , go backe whence thou began , from thy first match : and liue a single man. finis . virgidemiarvm . lib . iii. prologue . some say my satyres ouer-loosely flowe , nor hide their gall inough from open showe : not riddle like , obscuring their intent ; but packe-staffe plaine , vttring what thing they ment : contrarie to the roman ancients , vvhose words were short , and darkesome was their sence . vvho reades one line of their harsh poesies , thrise must he take his winde , and breath him thrise . my muse would follow them that haue fore-gone , but cannot with an english pineon , for looke howfarre the ancient comedie past former satyres in her libertie : sofarre must mine yeeld vnto them of olde . 't is better be too bad , then be too bolde . sat. i. time was , and that was term'd the time of gold , when world and time were young , that now are old . ( when quiet saturne swaid the mace of lead , and pride was yet vnborne , and yet vnbred . ) time was , that whiles the autumne fall did last , our hungrie sires gapte for the falling mast of the dodonian oakes . could no vnhusked akorne leaue the tree , but there was challenge made whose it might be . and if some nice and licorous appetite , desir'd more daintie dish of rare delite , they scal'd the stored crab with clasped knee , till they had sated their delicious eye : or search'd the hopefull thicks of hedgy-rowes , for brierie berries , or hawes , or sowrer sloes : or when they meant to fare the fin'st of all , they lickt oake-leaues besprint with hony fall . as for the thrise three-angled beech nut-shell , or chesnuts armed huske , and hid kernell , no squire durst touch , the law would not afford , kept for the court , and for the kings owne bord . their royall plate was clay , or wood , or stone : the vulgar , saue his hand , else had he none . their onely seller was the neighbour brooke . none did for better care , for better looke . was then no playning of the brewers scape , nor greedie uintner mixt the strained grape . the kings pauilion , was the grassy green , vnder safe shelter of the shadie treen . vnder each banke men layd their lims along , not wishing anie ease , not fearing wrong : clad with their owne , as they were made of old , not fearing shame , not feeling anie cold , but when by ceres huswifrie and paine , men learn'd to burie the reuiuing graine : and father ianus taught the new found vine , rise on the elme , with many a friendly twine .. and base desire bad men to deluen low , for needlesse mettals : then gan mischiefe grow . then farwell fayrest age , the worlds best dayes : thriuing in ill as it in age decaies . then crept in pride , and peeuish couetise : and men grue greedie , discordous and nice . now man , that earst haile fellow was with beast , woxe on to weene himselfe a god at least . no aerie foule can take so high a flight , tho she her daring wings in clouds haue dight : nor fish can diue so deepe in yeelding sea. tho thetis-selfe should sweare her safetie : nor fearfull beast can dig his caue so lowe , all could he further then earths center go : as that the ayre , the earth , or ocean , sould shield them from the gorge of greedie man. hath vtmost inde ought better then his owne ? then vtmost inde is neare , and rife to gone . o nature : was the world ordain'd for nought , but fill mans maw , and feede mans idle thought ? thy grandsires words sauor'd of thriftie leekes , or manly garlicke , but thy furnace reekes , hote steams of wine : and can a loofe descrie the drunken draughts of sweete autumnitie . they naked went : or clad in ruder hide : or home-spun russet , void of forraine pride : but thou canst maske in garish gauderie , to suit a fooles far-fetched liuerie . a french head ioyn'd to necke italian : thy thighs from germanie , and brest fro spains : an englishman in none , a foole in all : many in one , and one in seuerall . then men were men , but now the greater part beasts are in life , and women are in heart . good saturne selfe , that homely emperour ? in proudest pompe was not so clad of yore , as is the vnder-groome of the ostlerie , husbanding it in work-day yeomanrie . lo the long date of those expired daies , which the inspired merlins word fore-saies : when dunghill pesants shall be dight as kings , then one confusion another brings : then farewell fairest age , the worlds best daies , thriuing in ill , as it in age decaies . sat. ii. great osmond knowes not how he shal be known when once great osmond shal be dead & gone : vnlesse he reare vp some rich monument , ten furlongs nearer to the firmament . some stately tombe he builds , egyptian wise , rex regum written on the pyramis : where as great arthur lies in ruder oke , that neuer felt none but the fellers stroke . small honour can be got with gaudie graue : nor it thy rotten name from death can saue . the fairer tombe , the fowler is thy name . the greater pompe procuring greater shame , thy monument make thou thy liuing deeds : no other tombe then that , true vertue needs , what ? had he nought whereby he might be knowne , but costly pilements of some curious stone ? the matter , natures , and the workmans frame , his purses cost ; where then is osmonds name ? deseru'dst thou ill ? well were thy name and thee . wert thou inditched in great secrecie , where as no passenger might curse thy dust , nor dogs sepulchrall sate their gawning lust . thine ill deserts cannot be graued with thee , so long as on thy graue they ingraued bee . sat. iii. the curteous citizen bad me to his feast , with hollow words , and ouerly request : come , will ye dine with me this holy day ? i yeelded , tho he hop'd i would say nay : for had i mayden'd it , as many vse : loath for to graunt , but loather to refuse . a lacke sir , i were loath , another day : i should but trouble you : pardon me , if you may . no pardon should i need ; for , to depart he giues me leaue : and thanks too , in his heart . two words for monie , darbishirian wise : ( that 's one too manie ) is a naughtie guise , who lookes for double biddings to a feast , may dine at home for an importune guest . i went , then saw , and found the greate expence : the fare and fashions of our citizens . oh : cl●lopatricall : what wanteth there for curious cost , and wondrous choise of cheare ? beefe , that earst hercules held for finest fare : porke , for the fat boeotian , or the hare for martiall : fish for the venetian , goose-liuer for the likorous romane , th' athenians goate , quaile , iolans cheere , the hen for esculape ; and the parthian deere , grapes for arcesilas , figs for platoes mouth , and chesnuts faire for amarillis tooth . had'st thou such cheere , wer 't thou euer there before neuer : i thought so : nor come there no more . come there no more ; for so ment all that cost : neuer hence take me for thy second host . for whome he meanes to make an often guest , one dish shall serue ; and welcome make the rest . sat. iiii. vvere yesterday polemons natals kept that so his threshold is all freshly steept with new-shed bloud ? could he not sacrifice some sorry morkin that vnbidden dies : or meager heifer , or some roten ewe : rut he must needs his posts with bloud embrew , and on his way-doore fixe the honned head , with slowers , and with ribbands garnished ? now shall the passenger deeme the man deuout . what boots it be so , but the world must know 't ? o the fond boasting of vaineglorious man : does he the best , that may the best be seene ? who euer giues a paire of veluet shooes to th' holy road : or liberally allowes : but a new rope , to ring the couure-feu bell , but he desires that his great deed may dwell , or grauen in the chancel-window-glasse , or in the lasting tombe of plated brasse . for he that doth so few deseruing deeds , t' were sure his best sue for such larger meeds . who would inglorious liue , inglorious die , and might eternize his names memorie ? and he that cannot brag of greater store , must make his somewhat much , and little more . nor can good myson weare on his left hond , a signet ring of bristol-diamond : but he must cut his gloue , to shew his pride , that his trim iewel might be better spide : and that men monght some burgesse him repute , with satten sleeues hath grac'd his sackeloth sure . sat. v. fie on all curtesie , and vnruly windes , two onely foes that faire disguisement findes . strange curse ! but fit for such a sickle age , when scalpes are subiect to such vassalage . late trauailing along in london way , mee met , as seem'd by his disguis'd aray , a lustie courtier , whose curled head , with abron locks was fairely furnished . i him saluted in our lauish wise : he answeres my vntimely courtesies . his bonnet vail'd , ere euer he could thinke , th' unruly winde blowes off his periwinke . he lights , and runs , and quickly hath him sped , to ouertake his ouerrunning head . the sportfull winde , to mocke the headlesse man , tosses apace his pitch'd rogerian : and straight it to a deeper ditch hath blowne : there must my yonker fetch his waxen crowne . i lookt , and laught , whiles in his raging minde , he curst all curtesie , and vnruly winde . i lookt , and laught , and much i meruailed , to see so large a caus-way in his head . and me bethought , that when it first begon , t' was some shroad autumne , that so bar'd the bone . is 't not sweete pride , when men their crownes must with that which ierks the hams of euery iade or floor-strowd locks from off the barbers sheares ? but waxen crownes well gree with borrowed haires . sat. vi. when gullion di'd ( who knowes not gullion ? ) and his drie soule arriu'd at acheron , he faire besought the feryman of hell , that he might drinke to dead pantagruel . charon was afraid least thirstie gullion , would haue drunke drie the riuer acheron . yet last consented for a little hyre , and downe he dips his chops deepe in the myre , and drinks , and drinks , and swallows in the streeme , vntill the shallow shores all naked seeme . yet still he drinkes , nor can the botemans cries , nor crabbed oares , nor prayers make him rise . so long he drinkes , till the blacke carauell , stands still fast grauel'd on the mud of hell . there stand they still , nor can go , nor retyre , tho greedie ghosts quicke passage did require . yet stand they still , as tho they lay at rode , till gullion his bladder would vnlode . they stand , and waite , and pray for that good houre : which when it came , they sailed to the shore . but neuer since dareth the feryman , once intertaine the ghost of gullian . drinke on drie soule , and pledge sir gullion : drinke to all healths , but drinke not to thine owne . desunt nonnulla . sat. vii . seest thou how gayly my yong maister goes , vaunting himselfe vpon his rising toes , and pranks his hand vpon his daggers side , and picks his glutted teeth since late noon-tide ? t is russio : trow'st thou where he din'd to day : in sooth i saw him sit with duke humfray . manie good welcoms , and much gratis cheere , keepes he for euerie stragling caualiere : an open house haunted with greate resort , long seruice mixt with musicall disport . manie faire yonker with a fether'd crest , chooses much rather be his shot free guest , to fare so freely with so little cost , then stake his twelue-pence to a meaner host . hadst thou not told me , i should surely say , he touch't no meat of all this liue-long day . for sure me thought , yet that was but a ghesse , his eyes seeme sunke for verie hollownesse , but could he haue ( as i did it mistake ) so little in his purse , so much vpon his backe : so nothing in his maw : yet seemeth by his belt , that his gaunt gut , no too much stuffing felt . seest thou how side it hangs beneath his hip ? hunger , and heauie iron makes girdles slip . yet for all that , how stifly strits he by , all trapped in the new-found brauerie . the nuns of new-woon cales his bonnet lent , in lieu of their so kind a conquerment . what needed he fetch that from farthest spaine , his grandame could haue lent with lesser paine ? tho he perhaps neuer past the english shore ; yet faine would counted be a conquerour . his haire french like ; stares on his frighted hed , one locke amazon-like disheueled : as if he ment to weare a natiue cord , if chaunce his fates should him that bane afford , all brittish bare vpon the bristled skin , close noched is his beard both lip and chin : his linnen collar labyrinthian-set , whose thousand double turnings neuer met : his sleeues halfe hid with elbow - pineonings , as if he ment to flie with linnen wings . but when i looke and cast mine eyes below , what monster meets mine eyes in humane show ? so lender wast with such an abbots loyne , did neuer sober nature sure conioyne . lik'st a strawne scar-crow in the new-sowne field , reard on some sticke , the tender corne to shield : or if that semblance suite not eueric deale , like a broad shak-forke with a slender steale . despised nature suit them once aright , their bodie to their cote : both now mis-dight : their bodie to their clothes might shapen bee , that nill their clothes shape to their bodie . meane while i wonder at so prowd a backe , whiles th' emptie guts lowd rumblen for long lacke , the bellie enuieth the backs bright glee , and murmurs at such inequalitie . the backe appeares vnto the partiall ●ine , the plaintiue belly pleads they bribed beene : and he for want of better aduocate , doth to the eare his iniurie relate . the backe insulting ore the bellies need , saies : thou thy selfe , i others eyes must feed . the maw , the guts , all inward parts complaine the backs great pride , and their owne secret paine . ye witlesse gallants , i beshrew your hearts , that sets such discord twixt agreeing parts , which neuer can be set at onement more , vntill the mawes wide mouth be stopt with store . the conclvsion of all . thus haue i writ in smoother cedar tree , so gentle satyrs , pend so easily . henceforth i write in crabbed oake-tree rindes search they that meane the secret meaning finde . holde out ye guiltie , and ye galled hides , and meete my far-fetch't stripes with waiting sides . finis . tom of all trades. or the plaine path-vvay to preferment being a discovery of a passage to promotion in all professions, trades, arts, and mysteries. found out by an old travailer in the sea of experience, amongst the inchanted islands of ill fortune. now published for common good. by thomas povvell. powell, thomas, ?- ? 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) tom of all trades. or the plaine path-vvay to preferment being a discovery of a passage to promotion in all professions, trades, arts, and mysteries. found out by an old travailer in the sea of experience, amongst the inchanted islands of ill fortune. now published for common good. by thomas povvell. powell, thomas, ?- ? [ ], , [ ] p. printed by b. alsop and t. fawcet, for benjamen fisher, and are to bee sold at his shop at the signe of the talbot in aldersgate-street, london : . the first leaf is blank except for signature-mark "a" with ornaments. reproduction of the original in the university of chicago. library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of 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- pip willcox text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion tom of all trades . or the plaine path-vvay to preferment . being a discovery of a passage to promotion in all professions , trades , arts , and mysteries . found out by an old travailer in the sea of experience , amongst the inchanted islands of ill fortune . now published for common good . by thomas povvell . summum hominis bonum bonus ex hac vita exitus . london . printed by b. alsop and t. fawcet , for benjamen fisher , and are to bee sold at his shop at the signe of the talbot in aldersgate-street . . the epistle dedicatorie . poore tom was set on shore in kent , and to the next good towne hee went ; at whose approach the bosseldir kept a most lamentable stirre that tom would offer to returne through the good towne of syttingborne hee askt him ; if hee had a passe ? and told him what the statute was ; and like a reverend vestry wit , swore , hee would not allow of it . but did advise him to resort to fetch his passe at tonstall court. our tom of all trades hereupon askt what was his condition who was the owner of that place so farre in all the countries grace ? for whom ( as hee walkt on the way hee heard ) the poore so much to pray the rich to praise . and both contend , to whom hee was the greater friend . didst never meete his name there spread , where thou thy selfe didst vse to tread ? no ? not sir edvvard hales ? quoth he , what tom of odcombe may'st thou be ? hee is a man scarce spends a minute , but hath his countries service in it . spends more to make them all accord then other knights doe at their boord . hee call'd him knight and barronet . both wise and iust ; and what more yet ? he swore that if hee were but mist the countrey could not so subsist . with that our tom repaired thither , conferr'd report and proofe together ; and found report had wrong'd him much in giving but an out-side touch , a tincture of a painters trade ; where all was substance and in-layd . then tom resolv'd to walke no farther to finde a father or a mother . no other patron would hee seeke , but tender all at this knights feete : if hee accept what 's well intended , our tom of all trades travaile's ended . signa virtutum tuarum longe lateque ferens . tho : pōvvell . tom of all trades : or the plaine path-way to preferment . trinity terme was now ended ; for by description of the time it could bee no other parcell of the yeare . in that the scriveners at temple-barre , had no imployment , but writing of blanke bonds , and texting of bills , for letting of chambers in chancery-lane . the vintners of fleetstreet discharged their iourneymen ; a generall humility more then usuall possest the cookery of ram-alley . the ostlers of holborne had more than ordinary care to lay up theyr ghuests bootes , rather for feare of theyr slipping out of towne , than for any good observance towards them . and your countrey attorneys would no longer by any meanes endure the vnwholsome ayre of an eight penny ordinarie . every one that had wherewith to discharge his horse out of the stable , strove who should first be gone . and amongst the rest , my selfe made shift for so much money as wherewith to abate the fury of mistrisse overcount mine hostesse , and so i departed likewise . at the top of highgate hill i overtooke a gentleman of northamptonshire , riding homeward , whom i well knew ; him i saluted cheerefully , and he received me lovingly . but in travayling together ( me thought ) he was not ( master of that mirthfull disposition which he was wont to carry along with him to shorten the way betwixt his house and london , i gave him to vnderstand , how strange , and notable this alteration appeared in him ; and withall desired to know so much of the occasion thereof as might be impartible to a friend of so small growth . to which he answered thus ; sir , i come from london , ( it is true ) from the terme ( it is certaine true ) from london and terme . true and certaine in nothing but expences in all things , yet i would have you know , that it is neither the thunderclap of dissolving an iniunction , nor the doomesday of a decree , nor counsaylors fees , nor attornies bylls in a language able to fright a man out of his wits , can proscribe me my wonted mirth . it is something nearer and dearer ( my deare friend ) that robs me of that cheere which used to lift me vp into the very spheare , where loue himselfe sits to bid all his guests welcome right heartily : i remember mee of children , sixe soones , and three daughters , of whom i am the vnhappy father . in that , besides the scars which my vnthriftines hath dinted vpon their fortunes , the wounds of vnequall times , and a tempestuous age approaching are like to take away from them all hope of outliuing the low water ebbe of the evill day all meanes of thriving by honest paynes , study or industry are bereft them . the common vpon which industry should depasture is overlayd numerousnes spoiles all , and poverty sells all at an vnder value . in this case ( sir ) what can be aduisd wherevnto i thus replyed . sir , i haue heedfully attēded you in the delivery of your perplexed thoughts , concerning the care which you have of your children , taking the true , and even levell of the declention of arts , the distent of trades , & trading , the poverty of all professions , and the destemper , not of ours only , but of all christian clymates at this present , tending rather to a more contagion in the generall ayre , then a calmer temparament ( for ought that yet appeareth ) as for the stormynesse of the sea of state forraigne or domestick , let vs leave the greater , and lesser vessels that be exposed to it , vnto the proper pylates , masters , and marryners , who have the charge to attend the line , or plye at the tackle , we are but poore passengers and may assure our selues to partake in their boone voyage , if they suceed well , as they may be certaine to suffer in the same shipwracke with vs , if wee miscarry . i addresse me to give you the best advise , i can touching the preferment of every of your six sonnes and three daughters , in manner following it is true in most gentlemen , and very likely in you , as in others , living onely vpon the revenew of lands . that the height of their husbandry amounts to no more than to cleere the last halfe yeeres booking , and borrowing at the rent day . that their credit may hold vp and keepe reputation till the next ensuing that againe . when you dye , the eldest sonne claimes the inheritance of what you leave , thanke god , and nature for it , your selfe least of all , and your fatherly providence never a whit . if you take some course in your life time to make the rest of your children some small portions or estates out of the whole of your lands . it is tenne to one but you destroy both him , and them by that meanes . for the heire commonly striving to vphold the reputation of his ancestors . he abates nothing of his fathers accustomed expences towards the raising of those portions or estates so deducted . and they on the other side , presume so much vpon the hope thereof , that no profession will fit them . to bee a minister ( with them ) is to be but a pedant . a lawyer , a mercenarie fellow . a shop-keeper , a man most subject to the most wonderfull cracke , and a creature whose welfare depends much vpon his wives well bearing , and faire carriage . what is then to be done . surely , it would be wished , seeing god and nature hath provided for the eldest , your younger sonnes , and your daughters ; especially , being worstable to shift , should bee by you provided for in the first place , while your land is of virgin reputation , while it is chast , and vndishonested by committing of single fornication with countrie creditors , that trade without sheets ( that is ) by pole deed , only for saving of costs ; or at least , before it have defiled the bed of its reputation by prostituting to the adulterous imbracings of a citie scrivener : but especially , before it grow so impudent , as to lie downe in the market place , and to suffer everie pettie clarke to bring its good name vpon record , and charge it that it was taken in the very fact betweene other mens sheets . as in this statute , or in that iudgment : take heed of that by any meanes . and bee sure to match your eldest sonne , when your credit is cryed vp to the highest , while your heire is yet in your power to dispose , and will bend to your will , before his blood begin to feele the heate of any affections kindling about him , or before he can tell what difference is betwixt a blacke wrought wastcoate , with a white apron & a loose bodied gowne without an apron . put him of in his best clothes ( i meane ) in the assurance of your lands , fell him at the highest rate . then dicotomize the whole portion of his wife into severall shares betwixt your other children . not share and share like , but to every each one the more according to their defects : let impotencie , decreptnes , ilfavourdnes and incapacitie , rob the other of so much money as they have done them of comlinesse , activitie , beautie , and wit. put them not into any course of living according to any prescript order , or method of your owne election . but according to their inclination and addition , seeing that every one by instinct of nature , delighteth in that wherein he is like to bee most excellent . and delight , and pride in any thing undertaken , makes all obstacles in the way of attaining to perfection of no difficulty . now in the next place take heed that you put off those your sonnes whom you finde fit and addicted to be bred in the ministerie , or made up to the law , or to be apprentized betimes , and before they take the taynt of too much liberty at home . and when they be put forth , call them not home speedily to revisit their fathers house , no not so much as hospitably by any meanes . in the first place take your direction for the scholler . his education . his maintenance . his advancement . for his education . the free-schooles generally afford the best breeding in good letters . so many of them also afford some reasonable meanes in ayde of young schollers , for their diet , lodging , and teaching , given to them by the founders or benefactors of such schooles . some of them be of the foundation of some kings and queenes of this land , and they are commonly in the gift of the king , or his provost , or substitute in that behalfe . others be of the foundation of some bodies or societies incorporate . and they are commonly in the gift of such masters , wardens , presidents , and their senior fellowes , such chiefe officers of any other title , or such master wardens , and assistants , or such opposers , visitants , or committees of such bodies respectively as be appointed thereunto . others be of the foundation of some private persons : and they are for the most part in the gift of the executor , heire , or feoffees of such donor , according to the purport of his will , or grant , or both . of every of which severall kindes respectively are : eaton . westminster . winchester . the merchantaylors schoole london . the skynners at tunbridge . sutton's hospitall . st. bartholomews . and very many other the like . briefly , few or no counties of this kingdome are unfurnisht of such scholes . and some have so many , that it is disputable whether the vniversities with the innes of court , and chancerie have where to receive them or no. some of such free-schooles againe , have schollerships appendant unto them , in the one of the vniversities or both . to which upon election yearely , they are removeable , as. from eaton , to kings colledge cambridge . from westminster , to trinity colledge cambridge , or christchurch oxon : from winchester , to new colledge oxon. from the merchantaylors , to st. iohn's oxon. and the like , from many the like . some other free-schooles have pensions for preferment of their schollers , and for their maintenance in the vniversitie . some companies incorporate ( especially of london , having no such pensions in certaine , doe usually out of the stocke of their hall allow maintenance in this kinde . besides that , there be many other private persons ( upon my knowledge ) who doe voluntarily allow yearely exhibition of this nature . now if you would know how to finde what is given to any such free-schooles , and in whose disposing they now be . search . in the tower of london , till the end of rich. the . for grants and for license of mortmaine , inde . and in the chappell of the rolles . from thence till the present . and for the like , in the register of the prerogative court , for such things devised by will , by king , quéene , or subiect . for such grants given by will. and sometimes you shall finde such things both in the tower , and the prerogative , and in the rolls , and prerogative respectively . for the time since our reformed church of england began here . search . doctor willets synopsis . for all from the king , or from any other . search . in divers of our chronicles . for the like . next adde certaine helpes for discovery and attayning thereof . first ( if it may be ) procure a sight of the liedger bookes , of such as in whom the disposition of such things resteth , which they keepe for their owne use . next be acquainted with some of the disposers themselves . next take the directions of the master or teacher of such free-schooles . especially , to be interessed in the clarkes or registers of such societies as have the disposing of any such things . also to use meanes by letters of persons powerfull , and usefull to such disposers . for ( indeed ) it is not the sound of a great mans name to a letter in these dayes , wherein they are growne so common , and familiar to our societies ( of london especially ) can prevaile so soone as the letter subscribed by the lord maior , or other eminent officer of the citie , to whose commandement they be immediately subjugate . lastly , if you use the meanes least seene , most used , and best allowed , together with these : for discoverie and attaining of any such thing , it will not be besides the purpose as i take it . now suppose your sonne is brought to the vniversitie by election or as pensioner . the first thing you must take to your care is . in case he come not by election , but as a pensioner , to live for the present upon your owne charge , how to procure him a schollership in the colledge where you bestow him . or in case he come elected into one , how to procure a farther addition of maintenance to him . to bring him into a schollership , place him with a senior fellow of the house ( as tutor ) though you allow to some iunior fellow somewhat yearely for reading unto him . this senior fellow if the number of places voide will beare it may nominate your sonne for one in his owne right , if it will not beare it , he may call to his ayd some and so many suffrages of the rest as with the speaking merit of your sonne may worke your desire . then how to procure a pension for addytament of meanes . the chiefe skill is to finde it out , being eyther in the gift of some body incorporate . or of some private person . wherein the discovery is to bee made ( as aforesaid . ) if you sue to a company consisting of many persons tradesmen , you must enquire who bee the most potent patritians , and best reputed vestrie wits amongst them , such as carry their gloves in their hands , not on their hands . amongst an assistance of many , onely two or three strike the stroke , and hold the rest in a wonderfull admiration of their extraordinary endowments . and how to speake sensibly to these two or three is no mysterie . you know they are faithfull fiduciaries in the election . and therefore , you must not presume to offer any thing by any meanes . onely you may desire them to accept this poore peece of plate , with your name and armes upon it , and binde you unto their love , in keeping the memory of you hereafter . doe but try them in this kinde , and attend the successe . i tell you , this with a bucke at the renter wardens feast , may come somewhat neere to the matter . but for the pension to be obtained of a private person , the way is not the same . it proceedeth of the givers meere charity , and must be taken by the hand of a desertfull receiver . though withall it may sometimes fall out , that merit is made by mediation , especially of some such reverend divine , as he doth most respect and frequent . for other , letters can little prevaile with such persons . the best note to discover a man inclinable to allow such a pension , is to examine how wealth and charitie are equally and temporately mingled in him . and be sure withall that he be a man of some reasonable understanding in what he doth in this kinde . for a fooles pension is like a new fashion eagerly pursued at the beginning , but as scurvily left off in the proceeding . your next care is , in his due time to put on a fellowship , when he shall put off his schollership , seeing the schollership keepes him company no farther than to the degree of master of arts , and a quarter of a yeare after , in those colledges , where schollerships are longest lived . and in some not so long . in some colledges , the fellowship followes the schollership of course , and as the one leaveth him , the other entertaines him . but in the most it is not so , but comes by election . which election passeth by the master and senior fellowes , whereof every one doth name one , if the number to be elected will beare it : or if not , then they passe by most voyces . where note , that the master hath a double voyce , and in some places hee hath the nomination of one , if there be two places voyd , yea if there be but one at sometimes . in colledges the letters of great persons , especiof the lords grace of canterburie , and the vniversitie chancellor have beene of great prevailance . but it is not so now in these dayes . there bee beneficiall gradations of preferment likewise , for fellowes in their colledges ; as lecturer , deane , bowser , vice-master , and master . but for my part , i better like and commend those who when they find themselves fit to put forth into the world , take the first preferment that is offered unto them , rather than such who live cloystered like votaries : who have sacraments to fill up their places be it but to keepe out others , such as use no exercise , but wiping the dust off their bookes , and have an excellent activity in handling the fox tayle , such as hold no honour like to supplicat reverentijs vestris . and to be head bowsier of the colledge , as good as to be chiefe butler of england . these preferments of the colledge all but that of the master comes of course by order , and antiquity . therefore no meanes but patient abiding needs for the acquiring of them in their due time . i hasten to send your sonne out of the cloyster into the common-wealth , and to shew you how many wayes of advancement are open unto him abroad , with the meanes to discover , and attaine . and first for the ministrie . first for his ease let him looke no farther then next to hand , and enquire what benefices belong to their owne colledge , and are in the guift of their master and senior fellowes ( as most colledges have divers such ) and amongst them which are void at the present , or whose incumbent is not like to live long . and if he find out any such ; than if he know not after so long cotinuance among them to speake in his seniors owne dilect , let him never travaile beyond trumpington for me . more indigitly , for attaining of such a benefice , let him enquire where the mattens are read with spectacles , or where the good old man is lifted vp into the pulpit , or the like , and make a way for succession accordingly . where note , that many times a fellow of the house may hold such a benefice together with his fellowship , or a pension for increment of livelyhood . and such tyes , as these are commonly the bond of matrimony whereby they are so wedded to the colledge . next , he must clime vp to the maine top of speculation , and there looke about him to discover what benefices are emptie abroad where the incumbent lives only vpon the almes of confectio alchermis : or where one is ready to take his rise out of sierge into sattin , out of parsonage and a prebendarie , into a deanarie and a donative , let him not be slow of footmanship in that case by any meanes . for benefices abroad . benefices a broad are in the gift of the king imediately ; or the lord keeper for the king. some lord bishop , some deane and chapter : some bodie incorporate : some parish : some private patron : you shall find in the tower ( a collection of the patent rolls gathered , of all presentations made by the king in those dayes to any church prebendarie or chappell . in right of the crowne or otherwayes from . of edward the first , till the midst of edward the third . the king himselfe only and immediately presenteth in his owne right , to such benefices as belong to him and are aboue twenty pounds value in the first fruits bookes . for attayning of any which , i can advice you of no better course , than to learne the way to the backe stayres . the lord keeper presents for the king to all such benefices as belong to his majestie , and are under twenty pounds value in the bookes . now to know which of these are full , and who are incumbents in any of these . search , the first fruits office. the clarke , who hath the writing of the presentations . the lord keepers secretarie being . where note that the king hath used very seldome to grant any such living in reversion . and the lord keeper now being . his care is so great in this , as in all cases of common good to provide for mans merit , and cherish industrie in the growing plants , that no one can offer unto him a repuest of this kinde , without trespasse to his good disposition . in the next place concerning benefices in the presentation of any of the lords bishops . note that most bishopricks in england , have presentation to divers benefices belonging to their seas for the number and present estate of these . search . their owne leidgers . their registers . enquire of their auditors . their stewards of their courts . and sometimes you shall light upon some of theyr bookes of this kind , in the hands of the heyres or executors of such as have borne such offices under them . he that is chaplaine to such a lord bishop , hath for the most part the best meanes , accesse , and opportunity , to ataine to such a benefice . the commendations of such a great personage as to whom this patron oweth greatest respect , especially for his affairing in court , may doe some good in the matter . the like wayes of discovery , and the like meanes of attaining any benefice in the presentation of any deane , and chapter , are to be used with them respectively , as with the bishops . with every deane and chapter , are likewise divers prebendaries to be obtained of their gift after the same manner , and by the same meanes also . the other bodies incorporate , besides those of colledges , and deanes and chapters have many of them ( especially of london , and some subordinate societies thereof ) right of the presentation to divers benefices . also some parishes by prescription doe present to their owne perochiall benefices . and many patrons are content to present , according to the approbation of the parishioners upon their hearing , and allowing , and due exclamation of the integrity of the life of such suitors , and no otherwise , divers governors , and gradations of the lands of divers hospitals , and mesons de dien have like right of presentation to benefices , as have other bodies incorporate . and the meanes of discovery and attaining are likewise the like . in parishes , and companies of tradesmen incorporate , some very few rule the roast . your alderman of the ward his deputie , your common councell-man . yea sometime that petty epitomie of wardemote enquerst , that little busie morsell of iustice ( the beadle of the ward ) will make a strong partie in the election , if he be put to it . the probotory sermon , that must be made upon such tryall before such an auditorie , would be according to the capacitie in generall . but more esespecially , according to the humor and addiction of those whose wits the rest have in singular reverence . as mr. francis fiat , a good vnderstanding fishmonger ( i assure you ) you may give the stile of right worshipfull to them , though the best man of the company be but a wine cooper , and his iudgement better in claret , then in contioclerum a great deale . if your sonne vpon his tryall can but fit their pallats smoothly which is hard to doe ; in regard that they are so hallow mouthed , let him be sure though he misse the benefice for want of preperation , yet tenne to one but they will straine themselues to bring him in as a lecturer , which is a thing they reverence farre beyond the parson of the parish by many degrees . lastly , for private patrons , and the benefices in their guifts ; search , the bishops register : for iustitution , and presentation . the archdeacons register : for the induction . the archbishops register : if it be a peculiar . it was my chaunce lately to see a booke of all the benefices within the diocesse of canterbury , with the manner of their tything in every each one respectiuely . in which i find , that there are , or should be with the register of every lord bishop , seaven bookes kept for entrie of the matters , and busines of their diocesse , of which this of benefices is the cheife . the like i saw formerly of the diocesse of st. davids which confirmes mee in the institution , and custome of keeping the said bookes also in other diocesse . and seeing that severall privare patrons are of severall dispositions , some more lucrative and covetous : others more charitable , and religious , i can give you no other rule of attaining the benefice than this , viz. that your sonne bring with him abilitie of learning . integritie of life , and conformitie of behaviour , according to the order of the church establisht amongst vs and these shall make his way , with the good and generous patron . but for the other patron it makes no matter at all for learning and a very little for manners , or whether he be a man conformable or no. truely he is indifferent , for his part very indifferent . to such a patron your sonne must present himselfe : thus ( if he meane to be presented ) according to present necessitie . he must both speake and prove himselfe a man indued with good gifts . for he shall have to deale with a patron of a quicke capacitie , more dexterous in apprehension than your sonne or you can be in deliverie . be this patron what he will , your comfortis , the benefice must be filld , and that within a limited time , howsoever it is dangerous to attend the ending of the day in this case , ( for seldome doth the clarke of the market get any thing by their standing too long and above their accostomed houre . ) lapse by reason of simony and lapse for not presenting , in due time ; both offer advancement to learning but the first is at hand to discover as a witch : and the second as rare to find out as a faithfull fiduciarie or a fast freind . the degrees of rising in the ministrie are not easier knowne then practized by the industrious man. breifly if all church livings in england were equally distributed , there is noe one of the ministry if he want not learning , or good manners needs want maintenance , or good livelyhood . here i could wish to god ; that it might please the right reuerend fathers of the church the lord bishops ; that they would once in every of their times cause a true catalogue of all the benefices within their severall diocesse with the names of the patrons thereof according to the last presentation to be sent into the office of the first fruits for the better information of all such as deserue , and would gladly attaine to some meanes of maintenance , which they may the better doe by hauing recourse thither , there to take notice of all things of this nature . for i know that many fit downe in their wants , having good meanes to many private patrons , onely for lacke of knowledge of the same . note that it is an vsuall thing in private parons to graunt reversion , and advowson of such livings , my selfe intended heretofore to collect all such benefices with their patrons , into a certaine callender for such direction ( as aforesayd ) and made some passage into it . but the farther i went , the more impossible i found it . and i am now resolved that without the bishops assistance it cannot be done . and so much for the ministerie . the lawes promotions follow . by civill law , and common law. for breeding of your youth in the civill law , there are two colledges of especiall note in our vniversities : the one is trinitie-hall in cambridge ; the other is , new-colledge in oxford . i remember me not of any free-schoole in england , that have any place appendant in trinitie-hall in cambridge . but in new colledge of oxford , the free-schoole of winchester , hath claime both of schollerships , and fellowships ( the whole colledge consisting of none other , as i take it . it is to be confest , the charge of breeding a man to the civill law , is more expensive , and the way more painefull , and the bookes of greater number , and price than the common law requireth . but after that the civill lawyer is once grown to maturity . his way of advancement is more beneficiall , more certaine , and more easie to attaine , than is the common lawyers , and all because their number is lesse , their learning more intricate . and they admit few or no sollicitors to trample betweene them and the clyent . so that the fee comes to them immediately , and with the more advantage . the preferments at which they may arrive , are these : chancellor to the byshop . archdeacon . commissarie , where they have commissarie officiall . iudge , and surrogate . advocate for the king. mr. of the chancerie . the kings proctor . advocate , and proctor at large . in these courts , viz. the high commission . the delegates . the prerogative . the consistorie . the arches . the bishops courts . the archdeacons courts . chancellors , commissaries and officials cou. the admiraltie courts . the court of the kings requests , in times past . the countenance of some byshop , especially of the lord archbyshop upon a civilian , will much advance his practice as an advocate , and give him promotion as a iudge . there are under the greater officers aforenamed , divers other inferiour officers : as register . arctuarie . examiner . the number of the doctors ( though i finde them never to have been limited . ) yet it is certaine that the time was within memory of man , when the house of their commons did commonly give them all sufficient lodging , and dyet . and as for the number of proctors , they were of late times limited . how it is now i know not . for the common law. for breeding of students at the common law , take directions for their method of studie out of that tractate which mr. iustice dodridge did in his time pen for the purpose . onely ( for my part ) i doe much commend the ancient custome of breeding of the younger students . first , in the innes of chancery ; there to be the better prepared for the innes of court. and this must needs be the better way , seeing too much liberty at the first prooves very fatall , to many of the younger sort . i have observed , and much commend also the breeding of some common lawyers in this kinde , viz. that when they have beene admitted first into an inne of the chancerie , they have beene withall entred as clarkes in the office of some prothonotarie of the common-pleas to adde the skill of the practicke to their speculation . and if a student be thus bred , by his foundation in the one ; and his experience in the other , he shall with more facilitie than others , who step into the inne of court at first , attaine to an abilitie of practise . besides other ordinary requisite parts and arts in a common lawyer . skill in the records of all courts of record , and in other antiquities of president . with some reading in the civill law , also will much inable him . the common lawyer is to be bred onely upon the purse . the charge most at the first . for after he hath spent some few yeares effectually . he may attaine to the imployment of some private friends , for advising with , and instructing of greater counsaile , whereby he shall adde both to his meanes , and knowledge . it is true , that i have knowne some attorneyes and sollicitors , put on a counsailors gowne , without treading the same usuall path to the barre ( as aforesaid . ) but indeed , i never looke upon them , but i thinke of the taylor , who in one of his customers cast suites had thrust himselfe in amongst the nobilitie at a court maske , where pulling out his handkercher , hee let fall his thimble , and was so discovered , and handled , and dandled from hand to foote , till the guard delivered him at the great chamber doore , and cryed , farewell good feeble . if the common lawyer be sufficiently able in his profession , he shall want no practice , if no practice no profit . the time was that the younger counsaile had some such helpe , as to be a favourite . a kindred . to marry a neece , cosin , or a chambermaide . but those dayes be past , and better supply their roomes . as fellowes of colledges in the vniversities get pensions , or benefices , to adde to their livelyhood . so barresters and counsailors of the innes of court , advance their meanes by keeping of courts of mannors . leets , and barrons : swanimootes of forrests . stannaries . cinque ports , &c. by places of iudges of inferiour courts . as london , and other like corporations . the virdge . the tower of london . st. katherines neare the tower. borough of southwarke . the clinke . wentworth and like liberties . by office of recorder of some corporate towne . feoda rie of some counties : the kings councell in the marches of wales , or at yorke , or iudge , or counsayle of some countie pallatine : the greater places of preferment for common lawyers are . the iudges at westminster , and elsewhere : the next , are all the severall officers of the courts of westminster and elsewhere : all which you shall finde set forth breifly in smiths common-wealth of england , and part in mine owne search of records . and all these , together afford sufficent maintenance for thousands of persons who may bee here well prouided for . here i should and here i could for better direction of yonger brothers shew what meniall clarkeships of large exhibition , are vnder the great officers of the land , the iudges , the kings councell , and other officers which are not elsewhere publisht . and i know it would open a doore to many a proper mans preferment , especially ; vnder the lord keeper : as secretaries for chancerie businesse , and spirituall promotions , the commission of the peace , iniunctions , the dockquets . and other the like vnder the lord treasurer , as secretaries for the businesse of the realme , and the custome-house besides the inlets to so many preferments about the customes , and escheators : places , vnder the lord treasurer , vnder the chauncellor of the exchequer duchie , and principalitie of wales , and duchie of cornewall , as seale keeper , secretary , &c. vnder the master of the court of wardes , as secretarie ; vnder the iudges , as marshall . clarke of the bailes , &c. vnder the barrons of the exchequer , as examiner ; clarke of the bailes and other clarkes . vnder the kings attourney generall , as clarke of the pattens , clarke of the confessions and entries , clarke of the references , booke bearer . vnder the sollicitor generall , clarke of the patents , booke bearer . besides many other clarkes vnder the white staues of the court , and in the counting house , and many seuerall offiices . all which with hundreds more that i could name , with a plainer and more large deduction , were it not for feare that what i well intend for generall good would be taken in offence for priuate preiudice . but for the clarkeships of the kings houshold examine farther the blacke booke in the exchequer , the phisition followes . and heere i remember me of an old tale following , viz. at the beginning of the happy raigne of our late good queene elizabeth , diuers commissioners of great place being authorized to enquire of , and to displace all such of the clergie as would not conforme to the reformed church , one amongst others was conuented before them , who being asked whehter he would subscribe or no , deniedit , and so consequently was adiudged to lose his benefice , and to be deprived his function , wherevpon in his impatience he said ; that if they ( meaning the commissioners ) held this course it would cost many a mans life . for which the commissioners called him backe againe , and charged him that he had spoke treasonable , and seditious words tending to the raysing of a rebellion , or some tumult in the land , for which he should receiue the reward of a traytor . and being asked whether hee spake those words or no , he acknowledged it , and tooke vpon him the iustification thereof ; for said he , yee have taken from me my liuing , and profession of the ministrie , schollership is all my portion ; and i have no other meanes now left for my maintenance but to turne phisition , and before i shal be absolute master of that misterie ( god he knowes ) how many mens lives it will cost . for few phisitions vse to try experiments vpon their owne bodies . with vs it is a profession can maintaine but a few . and diuers of those more indebted to opinion , than learning , and ( for the most part ) better qualified in discoursing their travailes than in discerning their patients maladies . for it is growne to be a very huswiues trade , where fortune prevailes more then skill . their best benefactor the neapolitan their grand seignieur . the sorpego , their gonfollinere . the sciaticke , their great marshall that calls the muster rolle of them all together at every spring and fall , are all as familier to her as the cuckow at canck-wood in may. and the cure of them is the skill of every good old ladies cast gentlewoman , when she gives over painting , shee falls to plastering and shall have , as good practize as the best of them , for those kind of diseases . marry for womens griefes amongst phisitions , the masculine is more worthy then the feminine . secrecie is the cheife skill , and virilitie the best learning that is required in a womans phisition . but i never read of many of those to be long liued , or honestly wiued hitherto in all my reading . hitherto i speake nothing in disrepute of the more reverend , and learned sort of phisitions who are to be had in singular reverence , and be vsefull to mankind next to the divine . indeed , i rather pitty them , and pittying smile to see how pretily these young gamesters male and female lay about them , and engrosse the greater part of patientrie in all places wheresoeuer . and here i may more fitly say ( god knowes ) how many mens liues this abused opinion had of such gamesters costs . because they be not masters of that mysterie , and that science which requires the greeke tongue , exactly , all the learning , and skill of philosophie , historie of all sorts ( especially naturall ) knowledge of all vegetatives and minerals , and whatsoever dwels within the foure elements . also skill in astronomy , astrologie . and so much of the iudicialls vpon all manner of calculations as may be well warranted with much other kind of learning , art and skill , whereof my young travailing phisition , and trading wayting woman never heard . their meanes of advancement are in these wayes . viz. to be phisition of some colledge in one of the vniuersities , ( as diuers colledges have such places ) phisition to the king or queenes person . phisition to either of their housholds . or to some hospitall , ( as most have such . ) or to some great persons , who may preferre them hereafter , and be somewhat helpefull in the meane time . to a good old vsurer , or one that hath got his great estate together vnconscionably : for they feare nothing but death , and will buy life at any rate : there is no coward to an ill conscience . it is not amisse , to make way of acquaintance with gallants given to deepe drinking , and surfeyting : for they are patients at all times of the yeare . or , a gentlewoman that would faine vse the meanes to bee pregnant . or , your lascivious lady , and your man in the perriwigge will helpe to furnish with a foot-cloth . a citizens wife of a weake stomacke , will supply the fringe to it . and if all faile . and the bathe will affoord no roome : let them finde out some strange water , some unheard-of spring . it is an easie matter to discolour or alter the taste of it in some measure , ( it makes no matter how little . ) report strange cures that it hath done . beget a superstitious opinion in it . goodfellowship shall uphold it . and the neighbouring townes shall all sweare for it . the apprentice followes . the first question is , to what trade you will put your son , and which is most worthy of choice . for the merchant it requireth great stocke , great experience in forraine estates . and great hazard , and adventure at the best . and this is not all . for it depends upon the peace of our state with forraine princes , especially those with whom we hold mutuall traffique . or , who lye in our way to intercept , or impediment our trade abroad . besides that , in time of warre they can hold no certainty of dealing , or supplying their factorie in parts beyond the seas . shipping is subject ever at the let goe , to bee stayed . marriners to be prest , and many other inconveniences attend them in such times . besides the burthen of custome and imposition which all states impose more or lesse . so that unlesse wee have peace with such neighbours , there is little hope in that profession in the ordinarie and lawfull way of trading . happily you will alledge that some merchants thrive well enough , when the warres most rage , and when the streame of state is most troubled . some then hold it to be the best fishing ; they that gaine then ( sir ) if they gaine justifiably : gaine not as merchants , but as men of warre , which occupation a man may learne without serving seaven yeares apprentiship unto it . and if they gaine justifiably as merchants , it must be in some generall stocke of a society incorporated , who have purse to passe to and fro with sufficient power , in the most dangerous times . and if such societies are tollerable at any time , it is at such times . how they be otherwise allowable . i leave to consideration . for the shopkeeper , his welfare for the most part , depends upon the prosperity of the merchant . for if the merchant sit still , the most of them may shut up their shop windowes . little skill , art , or mystery , shall a man learne in shop-keeping . a man shall never in forraigne parts , being put to his shifts out of his owne meridian , live by the skill of weighing and measuring . the most use of advantage , he can make of it , is to benefit betweene the mart and the market , than which nothing is more uncertaine , seeing there is no true judiciall of the falling , and rising of commodities , and the casualties that they are subject vnto , ( especially ) in time of warre . take this for a generall rule , that those trades which aske most with an apprentice , are incertainest of thriving , and require greatest stockes of setting up . amongst trades , give me those that have in them some art , craft , or science , by which a man may live , and be a welcome ghuest to all countries abroad , and have imployment in the most stormy times at home , when merchants and shopkeepers are out of use : ( as . ) an apothecarie . a druggist . a chirurgion . a lapidarie . a ieweller . a printer . an ingraver in stones and mettall . one that hath skill in seasoning of shipwood . a carpenter of all sorts , especially of shipping . a smith of all sorts , especially of clockes , watches , guns , &c. a planter , and gardner of all sorts . an enginere for making of patars , and the like engines of warre . and hot presses for cloth , &c. and engines to weigh any ship , or guns that are drowned , &c. skrues , &c. a maker of all sorts of instruments , for navigation , compasses , globes , astrolabes . a drainer of grounds surmounded . a sale-maker , and a maker of cordage , tackle , &c. a lymner . a clothier , a clothworker , and a dyer . a taylor , shooe-maker , glover , perfumer , and trimmer of gloves . an imbroiderer . a feltmaker , a glasier , and one that can paint in glasse . briefly , any manufacture or trade , wherein is any science , or craft . onely those trades are of least use and benefit , which are called huswives trades ( as brewer , baker , cooke , and the like . ) because they be the skill of women as well as of men , and common to both . i would have you know , that the maker was before the retaylor , and most shopkeepers are but of a sublimated trade and retayle , but as attorneyes to the maker . but if the maker ( without dispute of freedome in any corporation , might set up shop and sell his commoditie immediately ) it would be a great deale better for the common-wealth , than now it is . besides , it is no matter of difficultie , burthen , or disgrace , for a shopkeeper , yea a merchant , or a gentleman , to have the skill of some one of these manufactures , besides his revenew , or profession , to accompany him , what fortune soever may carry him into countries unknowne . to my knowledge , a great earle lately of this land , did thinke it no scorne to indeavour the attaining of the craft , and trade of a farrior , wherein he grew excellent . and when our acquaintance tooke first life with those of the low countries , upon a treatie wherein our embassador strove to set forth the worthinesse of our king and kingdome , with the native commodities thereof . the dutch ( ignorantly conceiving that no man could attaine to wealth , without some good occupation , or manufacture ) askt him , what handicraft our king was brought up unto , or what trade he had used to get so much wealth withall . i admit the merchant royall , that comes to his profession by travaile and factory , full fraught , and free adventure to be a profession worthy the seeking . but not the hedge-creeper , that goes to seeke custome from shop to shop , with a cryll under his arme , that leapes from his shop-boord to the exchange , and after he is fame-falne and credit crackt , in two or three other professions , shall wrigle into this and that , when he comes upon the exchange , in stead of enquiring after such a good ship , spends the whole houre in disputing , whether is the more profitable house-keeping , either with powder beefe & brewes , or with fresh beefe and porridge : though ( god wot ) the blacke pot at home be guilty of neyther . and so he departs when the bell rings , and his guts rumble , both to one tune , and the same purpose . the merchant royall might grow prosperous , were it not for such poore patching interloping lapwings , that have an adventure of two chaldron of coles at new-castle ; as much oyle in the greeneland fishing , as will serve two coblers for the whole yeare ensuing . and an other at rowsie , for as many fox-skins , as will furre his long-lane gowne , when he is called to the livorie . the shopkeeper is a cleanly trade ; especially , your linnen-draper , which company hath the greatest commonalty , and the largest priviledges of all other ; and yet they maintaine nothing by charter , for ( indeed ) they have none . but a manufacture for my money ; especially , if he sell to the wearer immediately . now for the better incouragement of men of trade . know that in most companies of tradesmen incorporate ( especially in london ) there is provision made by divers benefactors of their societies deceased , for the enabling and setting up of young beginners , by stockes of money remaining in the hands of some few of the chiefe of their company , ( how faithfully disposed i leave to their owne consideration . ) but surely the poorer sort complaine much of the misimployment of it generally . there is but one little crevis to peepe in at their dealings . and that is betweene their masters conscience , & the clarks connivence , which is so narrow , that you may sooner discern the south pole through the maine center , than discover their mysterie . indeed in times past , the clearkship of the company hath beene bestowed upon some ancient decayed member of the company , for his livelyhood . but the attorney and scrivener ; and some petty clarkes of the citie , by the letters of , &c. pre-occupy those places . and here i could wish for righting of the dead , and releeving of the poorer members of such companies , who are kept in ignorance . that some paines were taken in the prerogative office , for the collating of all guifts of this nature , to be publisht in print , that the meanest might thereby be able to call their grand masters to account , if they abuse the trust in them reposited in this behalfe . i acknowledge the youth of mine age to be determined . and ( god knowes ) how poore a remaine of life is left in my glasse , yet if it may please those in whom the power resteth , to give me leave to search ( gratis ) for all grants and guifts of pious use in all kindes whatsoever . i could willingly bestow that little of my lampe , in collection of these things , and publish them to posterity . provided alwayes , that i and mine may have the priviledge of imprinting the same for some fitting number of yeares to come . the navigator . next to the man of trade , or rather equally with him , i must give the navigator his due for that his profession is as full of science , as usefull to the common wealth , and as profitable to himselfe as any trade whatsoever . if he attaine the skill of knowing , and handling the tackle , the certaine art of his compasse ; the knowledge of languages , and dispositions of forreigne nations where he travailes and trades , he may rise from a squabler to a master , from a master to be a generall honestly , and with good reputation in a short time . the nauigator his way of advancement , and imployment is , by the lords of his maiesties privie councell , the high admirall : commissioners for the kings navy : chiefe officers of the navyes of societies incorporate : private merchants , and the like . with the trinitie house . but if he get to be an owner he may trade as free as bird in ayre , as a man of warre or a man of trade , and commerce . if he take heed that he intrench not vpon the incorporated companies , especially the minotaur . he cannot do amisse ( with gods assistnace . ) he may liue merrily , and contentedly , be it but in trading as a meere carryer of home cōmodities . imported from one port to another within the kingdome . the husbandman . the husbandman may likewise for the happie content of the life , and the honest gaine which it brings with it , be worthy to inuite a right good mans sonne to vndergoe the profession . your sonne whom you intend for a husbandman , must be of a disposition part gentile , and rusticke equally mixt together . for if the gentleman be predominant : his running nagge will out run the constable . his extraordinary strong beere will be too headstrong in office of church-warden . and his well mouthed dogges will make him out-mouth all the vestrie . but if the clowne be predominant he will smell all browne bread and garlicke . besides , he must be of a hardier temper than the rest of his brethren , because the vnhealthfullest corners of the kingdome are the most profitable for fermors . he must especially aime at a tenancie vnder the crowne , or some bishops sea , deane and chapter ; some colledge ; some companie , some hospitall , or some other bodie incorporate . wherein the auditor or receiver , must be his best intelligencer , and director . young vnthrifts acquaintance when they first arriue at the age of one and twentie . and good old conscionable landlords that hold it a deadly sinne to raise the rents of their grandfathers , or hope to be deliuered out of purgatorie by their tenants prayers will doe well these professions before mentioned , be ( as it were ) the orbs to receiue all fixed starrs , and such dispositions as may be put into any certaine frame . but for a more libertine disposition , fit it with the profession of a courtier . for an overflowing , and ranker disposition , make him a souldier . but beyond this he is a lost man , not worthy a fathers remembrance , or prouidence . the courtiers wayes of advancement be these : by the generall and most ancient rule of court , if you would have him to be preferred unto the kings service in the end . and in the meane time to have sufficient meanes of maintenance . place him with one of the white staves of the houshold . by the more particular rule , ( if you can ) put him unto the lord high steward his service ( who amongst the white staves ) hath the chiefest hand in preferring to any office beneath stayres . if the high steward be full , seeke to the lord chamberlaine , who hath the chiefe power to preferre to the places above stayres , and to the wardrobe . and if there be no entrance there , then seek to the treasurer of the houshold , and next to the controllor . the master of the houshold . the coferer , and the rest of the greene cloth. the master of the horse preferres to the avenanarie and other clarkeships offices , and places about the stable . the principall secretary hath heretofore had a great hand in preferring to the clarkeships in the office of the signet , and the lord privie seale into the privie seale office . the master of the great wardrobe into the clarkeships , and offices there . the master of the robes . the master of the iewell-house , the keeper of the privie purse . the master of the toyles and tents with some other the like have whilome beene the meanes of preferring divers their followers into the service of the king , in divers beneficiall places , and clarkeships , in their severall offices respectively . the lord treasurer without the house , preferres to his majesties service , in most places in or about the custome-houses , in all the parts of england . and besides these , i sinde no meanes used of old , for preferment into the kings service for these kind of places . the yeomen of the guard , were wont to come in for their personage , and activitie by their captaines allowance . and the bed-chamber mens servants , ever were in way to be preferred for pages of the privie chamber , or groomes , or placed at the back staires , not of right , but of custome . for the clarkes of the houshold , they were wont anciently to rise by certaine degrees , according to the prescription of the black booke , but how it is now , i know not . for your better satisfaction of court offices , their order and fee. search , the blacke booke in the exchequer , and in the court. and for all offices whatsoever under the king , throughout the whole kingdome ; either in castle , parke , chase , court , or house of the kings royalty or place soever , with the then fees of the same , i referre you to a booke . whereof many hundred copies are extant , which was collected by the lord treasurer burleigh , and by him delivered to the late queene elizabeth of famous memorie . and so much for the courtier . the souldier followes . and the question is first . whether the better way of thriving , is to be a sea soldier , or a land soldier . questionlesse the better way of thriving is to be a sea soldier . in this kingdome of england being an island , for that he is more vsefull to his country . more learning is required to be a sea soldier than to be a land soldier . a sea soldier is certaine of victuals , and wages ; where the land soldiers pay will hardly find him sustenance . a sea soldier may now and than chaunce to haue a snapp at a bootie or a price which may in an instant make him a fortune for ever ; where the land soldier may in an age come to the ransacking of a poore fisher towne at the most . more valour is required in a sea soldier than in a land soldier ; because the extremitie of the place requires it . the sea captaine is exposed to as much danger during the whole fight as the poorest man in the ship ; where the land captaine vseth but to offer his men to the face of the enemy , and than retreateth . the way to rise to preferment at sea , is by the admiralls countenance , and the vice admiralls in the kings seruice , or in other service by the favour of great traded merchants , and especially of your bodies incorporate : and their chiefe officers ; and more especially their president , and treasurer for the time being . his breeding is a matter of more moment than his age regardeth . if he be true bred , he should be first made a perfect nauigator able to direct the sterage of their course , able to know the tackle , and appoint every sayler to his charge . he should know what number of saylors , what ordinance , and what munition should be requisite for a ship of such a burden . he should be a skilfull caneere , and able to direct the gunner , to say what quantity of powder a peece of such bore ond depth requireth , and of what weight the bullet should be where such a quantity of powder is vsed , whether the peece be sound or hony-combed . he should be able to know and direct what quantity of victuall should be required for so many men , for such a voyage . and what quantity of powder and shot . also , to ouersee and direct the purser and steward in the expence of their victuall without profusenesse , or too much percemonie . likewise skilfull in all manner of fire-workes and fitting engines for sea fight . briefly , he should be so compleat , as that none should be able to teach him in his place , and he skilfull to controle every other in their places . he should be courteous and louing to his men . aboue all things he should be zealous of the honour of god. see that the divine service be duely read on board evening and morning , and that swearing be severely punished . a sea captaine , is not a place for a young man to leape into instantly , and imediately out of a ladies vshership ; a great mans bed chamber , or a littletons discipleship . it is not your feathered gallant of the court , nor your tauerne roarer of the citie , becomes this place i assure you . i find not any meson de dieu for relieving of mayned marriners only , but that erected at chattam by sir iohn hawkins knight , treasurer of the navie of the late q. elizabeth ; wherein it was provided , that there should be a deduction of sixpence by the moneth , out of every man and boy their wages in every voyage towards the same . which i could wish were aswell imployed as collected . the land-souldier followes . if the land-souldier thinke to thrive and rise by degrees of service , from a common souldier to a captaine in this age , ( alas ) hee is much deceived . that custome is obsolete , and growne out of use . doe what he can doe in land-service , hee shall hardly rise by his single merit . his happinesse shall be but to fill his hungry belly , and satiate himselfe upon a pay day . but if hee be of kinne , or a favourite to some great officer , hee may carry the colours the first day , bee a lieutenant the second , and a captaine before he knowes how many dayes goe to the weeke in their regiment . the land-service where a man may learne most experience of warre discipline , is in the low-countries , by reason of the long exercise of warres and variety of stratagems there . beyond that northward , the service is both more unprofitable and more dangerous , and lesse experience is to be there learned . the more your sonne turnes his face to the south the more profitable the land-service is . lastly , if hee have no friend or kindred to raise him in the land-service , i assure you that there is no law against buying and selling of offices in the low-countries , for ought that i have read . neither is it markable amongst them . after the souldier returnes home , it makes no matter what number of wounds hee can reckon about him . all the wayes of reliefe for him that i can number are these : a poore knights place of windsor ; if the herald report him a gentleman , and the knights of the honourable order of the garter will accept him . a brother of suttons hospitall ; if the feoffees have not servants of their owne to preferre before him . a pensioner of the county ; if the lustices find him worthy . and that hee was prest forth of the same county . saint thomas in southwarke , and st. bartholmews , smithfield ; onely till their wounds or diseases be cured and no longer . and that if the masters of the sayd hospitals please to receive them . for the savoy where souldiers had a foundation , i know none now . and other houses appropriated for reliefe of souldiers now in use i remember none . for the chiefe are long since demolished . the templarij are gone . the knights of st. iohn of ierusalem forgotten . that famous house upon lincolne greene is rac'd to the ground . and many the like now better knowne by the records than the remaines of their ruines with their revenue , are all diverted from the uses of their first foundation to private and peculiar inheritances , which i pity more than the dissolution of all the monasteries that ever were . heere you see , is preferment enough for your sixe sonnes though you bestow every one upon a severall profession . onely take this generall rule for all , viz. to what course soever your sonnes shall betake them . bee sure that they all have crammar learning at the least . so shall they bee able to receive and reteyne the impression of any the said professions . and otherwise , shall scarce possibly become masters in the same , or any one of them . or if they doe , it will bee with more than ordinary paines and difficulty . your three daughters challenge the next place . for theyr portions , i shewed you before ; how and when to raise them . that is , by the marriage of your eldest sonne , or out of that part of your personall estate which you may spare without prejudice of your selfe . i would have their breeding like to the dutch womans clothing , tending to profit onely and comelinesse . though she never have a dancing schoole-master , a french tutor , nor a scotch taylor , to make her shoulders of the breadth of bristow cowsway . it makes no matter . for working in curious italiā purles , or french borders , it is not worth the while . let them learne plaine workes of all kind , so they take heed of too open seaming . in stead of song and musicke , let them learne cookery and laundrie . and in stead of reading sir philip sidneys arcadia , let them read the grounds of good huswifery . i like not a female poetresse at any hand . let greater personages glory their skill in musicke , the posture of their bodies , their knowledge in languages , the greatnesse , and freedome of their spirits : and their arts in arreigning of mens affections , at their flattering faces . this is not the way to breed a private gentlemans daughter . if the mother of them be a good huswife , and religiously disposed , let her have the bringing up of one of them . place the other two forth betimes , and before they can judge of a good manly leg . the one in the house of some good merchant , or citizen of civill and religious government , the other in the house of some lawyer , some iudge , or well reported iustice or gentleman of the country , where the servingman is not too predominant . in any of these she may learne what belongs to her improvement , for sempstrie , for confectionary , and all requisits of huswifery . she shall be sure to be restrained of all ranke company , and unfitting libertie ; which are the overthrow of too many of their sexe . there is a pretty way of breeding young maides an exchange shop , or st. martins le grand . but many of them get such a foolish crick with carrying the bandbox under their apron to gentlemens chambers , that in the end it is hard to distinguish whether it be their belly or their bandbox makes such a goodly show . and in a trade where a woman is sole chapman , she claimes such a preheminence over her husband , that she will not be held to give him an account of her dealings , eyther in retaile , or whole saile at any rate . the merchants factor , and citizens servant of the better sort , cannot disparage your daughters with their societie . and the iudges , lawyers , and iustices followers , are not ordinary servingmen , but men of good breed , and their education for the most part clarkely , whose service promiseth their farther and future advancement . your daughter at home will make a good wife for some good yeomans eldest sonne , whose father will be glad to crowne his sweating frugality , with alliance to such a house of gentry . the youngmans fingers will itch to be handling of taffata , and to be placed at the table , and to be carved unto by mistris dorothie , it will make him and the good plaine old ione his mother , to passe over all respect of portion or patrimony . for your daughter at the merchants , and her sister if they can carry it wittily , the city affords them varietie . the young factor being fancy-caught in his days of innocency , & before he travaile so farre into experience as into forreigne countries , may lay such a foundation of first love in her bosome , as no alteration of climate can alter . so likewise , may thomas the fore-man of the shop , when beard comes to him , as apprentiship goes from him , be intangled and belymed with the like springs . for the better is as easily surprized as the worse . some of your clarkly men complaine the moysture of their palmes . others the sorpego in their wrists , both movin●●●anes . with a little patience your daughter may light upon some counsailor at law , who may be willing to take the young wench , in hope of favour with the old iudge . an attorney will be glad to give all his profits of a michaelmas terme , fees and all , but to wooe her through a crevice . and the parson of the parish being her ladies chaplaine , will forsweare eating of tithe pig , for a whole yeare , for such a parcell of glebe land at all times . and so much for your sonnes and daughters . i now espy mine host of the bull here in saint albans standing at his doore upon his left leg like to the old drummer of parish-garden , ready to entertaine us . therefore i will here conclude with that of the poet. — navibus atque quadragis petimus benevivere , quod pet is hic est , est anglis , animus si te , non deficit equus . finis . london , printed by b. alsop and t. favvcet for ben : fisher , and are to bee sold at his shop at the signe of the talbot in aldersgate-street . . a modern essay on the thirteenth satyr of juvenal by henry higden. higden, henry. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing j estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a modern essay on the thirteenth satyr of juvenal by henry higden. higden, henry. juvenal. satura . [ ], , [ ] p. printed for jacob tonson ..., london : . in verse; latin text at bottom of each page. "licensed november th, . roger l'estrange" reproduction of original in british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng juvenal. -- satura . satire -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - john pas sampled and proofread - john pas text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a modern essay on the thirteenth satyr of juvenal by henry higden . — ridiculum acri fortius & melius magnas plerunque secat res . licensed november th . . roger l'estrange . london , printed for jacob tonson , at the judge's head in chancery-lane , near fleet-street . . to the right honourable , george , earl of dartmouth , &c. my lord , the high station your lordships vertues have plac●d you in , have signally marked you out for addresses and dedications , ( a troublesome persecution that must always attend the great and fortunate ) and possess me ( among the crowd ) with assurance enough to think , that being warranted by ancient custom , i may e'en venture to play the bold britain , and pin a dedication upon your lordship . since no teeming heroick muse , though ( after hard labour ) it produce but a mouse ; or puny scribler , that makes a shift to grunt out a souterkin of a farce or novel , but strait some noble person must be pickt out , and an illustrious name prefixt : so that the pillars of the nation , like those of the exchange , are daily hung round with advertisements of [ outward and homeward bound , &c. ] by every skipper that hoists sail for parnassus , though but in a dogger or cock-boat . and truly , though so poor a trifle is altogether unworthy of your lordships acceptance , or patronage , yet that must not bar our plea to your protection : for by a certain sort of right , which we scriblers , with the rest of the liberty and property men , call prescription , your lordship is as liable to suffer in this kind , as the gravest and most gouty judge is obliged to hobble the measures about the temple fire . 't is under this claim i presume to give your lordship this trouble , especially in this censorious and captious age , when the undoubted worth of the patron is absolutely necessary to give it an authentick pass-port in the world , where not only the book , but the author's principles and practice must fall under the censure of the severest observators . and therefore i could not beg protection under a more secure and glorious umbrage than your lordship : a person whose unshaken loyalty has been so eminently signal , and whose courage and conduct both by sea and land , have been so highly serviceable to his majesty , and the defence and honour of our nation . so that your lordships many accumulated preferments are but the meede of that rising vertue , which was ever the darling of your royal master ; who besides being worthily stiled the greatest , has gained the high attribute of being the justest of princes . but one yet farther encouragement to dedicate this slight essay , upon so fam'd an author as juvenal , more particularly to your lordship , is , that i tender it into his hands who is so able to judge of the original . but now having laid so inconsiderable an offering at your lordships feet , though i must own my self that puny brother of the quill , as not to be rich enough to adorn your triumphs with flowers , and garlands , however my zeal and veneration for your lordship is no less , though i strow your way but with rushes and daisies : which at present is the highest tribute can be rendred you by , my lord , your lordships most obedient , humble servant , henry higden . to the reader . i was once minded to have dropp'd this brat in the wide world without further consideration ; till the stationer plainly told me , that without a customary preface it would never pass muster , and so prove his damage . and faith i was easily perswaded that such an ill rigg'd companion would hardly meet with a tolerable reception , without a civil introduction and recommendation . therefore bethinking my self to say something to humour him , turning to the title page , i found i had christen'd it , a modern essay : and how , thought i , can it be modern , without so much as one recommendatory copy of verses before it , though written perhaps by the author in praise of himself and his poem , and father'd upon some unknowing friend : nor huffing picture in the front , with bays and wicked rhime upon 't . without which necessary ornaments and imbellishments , a poem will no more be valued , than a quack without his velvet jump , and the silver-headed cane to put off his gravity ; or holy-day artillery-man without a new-scoured head-piece , and a tawdry plume waving in his crest . which most alluring recommendations being at present wanting , i have thought it fitting to bespeak the gentle readers kindness in a few lines , which if obtained , may encourage us to mend all in a second edition , if the fates permit . and here again i was more at a loss than ever : for should i run division in praise of my author , or the excellence of his satyrick vein , some captions brother-paper-stainer would strait have a sting at me , with a who disputed the one , or doubted the other ? should i , to shew my pretended reading , or judgment , go about to give a character of our poet , and make comparisons betwixt him and his other rivals in satyr , i might draw an unnecessary quarrel upon my own head : therefore i have waved that point , and thought good to squander the little paper i have allowed me , in defence of my self ; which i hope the severest judges will allow me in my own cause , since scarce one in a hundred ; were he to re print tom thumb , but would find something to say on so fair an occasion ; pro dignitate suscepti . well then , a modern essay let it be ; for as a transsation i could not , and as a paraphrase i would not own it : if i have ventured at something between both , i hope i may be the less censured , since the vices here taxed by our satyrist , are not so antiquated , but a slight inquisition may discover them amongst our selves , though perhaps something altered in dress and fashion . as near therefore as i could , i have equipp'd them al-a-mode ; though nevertheless you 'll find little other than the old shock new trim'd , and that our present age comes not much behind our author's , in all sorts of genteel vice and debauchery . but as to the particular argument of this satyr , viz. breach of trust , and perjury , we need not the aid of salamanca , since our own and our neighbouring island have in that long bow out-shot all the world beside . some criticks cavil our author's humour is too stiff , morose , and over-serious in down-right lashing and chastising crimes : whereas a jocular and facetious jeer and reproof , laughs vice out of countenance , and often works a perfect cure and conversion ; and merrily discovering the odious deformity of vice , shames ingenious spirits into vertue . another sort of well-willers to our author have concluded with themselves , his verse being altogether stately , he ought , spaniard-like , to maintain his gate and gravity ; nor must descend from his lofty buskins , to act the least part of the comick droll ; which point i will not here discuss . but if i have aimed to abate something of his serious rigour , and expressed his sense in a sort of verse more apt for raillery , without debasing the dignity of the author , i hope the first will not be offended , and the latter will be entreated for a pardon . as for the notes , i have compos'd them as short and plain as i could , to point out and illustrate the meaning of our author ; and though abler readers may despise their help , yet i doubt not but they will be assisting to the weaker brethren . to conclude , shall any of calvinus's fraternity think to rally off his crime with a depositum custodi ; or to excuse the matter , as having been so from the beginning : and if it were not for credulous fools , how should wiser men live ? i shall desire him to place this satyr as a mirrour before him in a clear light , and 't is odds 't will reflect his own likeness , and possibly make him see his own dear self at full length , where i will leave him in contemplation , and conclude , that brevity is very good when w' are , or are not understood . juvenal's thirteenth satyr . the argument . our author comforts his friend calvinus , who afflicts himself over-much for the loss of a sum of money , committed to the secret trust of a supposed friend , who denies and forswears it ; shewing such deceipts and losses are frequent in this corrupt age , and familiar at rome . that though the cunning knave may avoid the censure and punishment of the laws , yet he shall not escape the scourge and terror of his own conscience . none can a crime in secret act , but conscience first condemns the fact ; from whose dumb checks offenders find a lasting torment in their mind . and though a well-brib'd ( ) sh'riff ensure ye a byass'd ignoramus jury ; who , for the purpose , cull'd and pack'd , regard their int'rest , not the fact. how ere absolv'd , yet still , the stains on memory's record remains ; and though they may the guilt out-face , good men detest an act so base . thy loss , thank heaven , is not so great , scarce to be felt in thy estate ; and since the fraud by which you smart , is usual , take 't not to heart : both law and equity afford a thousand precedents on record ; demonstrating , that breach of trust is so frequent , 't is scarce thought injustice . let fools torment themselves , and grieve for each slight loss which they receive ; it cannot be the part of wisdom , vainly to mourn , when mischief is done : for trifles , grief should not abound , but bear proportion with the wound . thou , like a bedlamite , dost rage , because in so debauch'd an age , a confident and ancient crony , sunk , and forswore a bag of money . and this a miracle appears to a gray fopp of threescore years . shall lessons by experience taught , be thrown away , and go for nought ? can't thy dull genius edify by precepts of philosophy ? whose saving truths the wise advance , to vanquish all th' attacks of chance ; custom ev'n the unlearn'd convincing , to bear the yoke , and without wincing ; since vain reluctaney and strife , increase the irksom load of life . when was there yet a holy-day , did not new frauds and tricks betray ? money 's by murder , treason , got , cheats , poyson , padding , and the plot : bullies , buffoons , knights of the post , roar , domineer , and rule the roast ; and dagger , pistol , poyson 's made the implements of gainful trade ; since good men are so rare , that even in rome it self you 'll scarce find seven : why should we fondly dream , a dozen of jurors may not bribe and cozen , when sodom might ( in times of yore ) have been preserv'd for half-a-score ? with iron , brass , silver , and gold , past ( ) ages did resemblance hold ; to name this last degenerate race , nature no metal yields so base . yet we for want of faith , in vain aloud of god and man complain ; loud , as a pleader in the hall , resolv'd t' out-noise , and brazen all . thou , grandsire , that for nothing grieves , deserv'st a bibb and hanging-sleeves : know'st not , that others hoarded riches with tantalizing charms bewitches ; and powerful lechery allure 'em , that locks and bars cannot secure ' em ? who can but laugh at sot so idle , that swears an atheist on a bible , flatt'ring himself he will be just , because an oath secures his trust ? think'st he believes a power divine inhabits every church and shrine ? thy folly makes the sly rogue laugh , to see old birds so caught with chaff : such rules the infant world obey'd , when ( ) saturn first the scepter sway'd ; ere fore'd he lay'd his kingship down , and for a scythe exchang'd a crown . when ( ) juno was a tomring lass , and ( ) jove without a hair on 's face , play'd at bo-peep in ida's cave , before plain heaven turn'd courtly brave : ere foreign tricks , old rights invading , brought in balls , treats , and masquerading , ( ) no handsom boy or ( ) wench did skink to add a gusto to their drink . or clownish ( ) vulcan , all besmear'd with soot , wip'd nectar from his beard . then frugal gods and eke goddesses , din'd privately on homely messes ; scant bills of fare serv'd mod'rate wishes , plain wholesome , no luxurious dishes . there godships in the upper house were not as now so numerous , when for good husbandry the skies were manag'd by few deities . nor did their number , pomp , and state make ( ) atlas groan beneath the weight ; none rul'd the ( ) ocean , or did keep his court and revels in the deep , or surly tyrant rul'd in holl ghosts , that in gloomy minsions dwell : nor tortur'd souls as yet did feel whips , futies , vulture , or the wheel . the jolly shades , frolick and free , found no restraint of liberty . vertue was then at such a height , dishonesty was wondred at , had then a boy not capp'd a beard , or , that not risen when age appear'd , though his own happier home afforded more nuts and acorns larger hoarded , it was so capital a crime , deserv'd no clergy at that time for beards then swept preheminence from valour , beauty , birth , and sense . now find a friend so firm and just ; who never broke his faith , or trust ; so to a secret promise true , he ne'er conceal'd one penny due : let fame such an example tell , we 'll register't in chronicle ; and who but him , the town shall ring , and for the news , te deum sing ; him , him , i 'll like a moon-calf view , or monster shewn at barthol ' mew ; and wonder more , than if 't had rain'd milstones an hour , and no one brain'd ; than sea of milk , fresh-water oyster , mule pregnant , or bees swarm'd in cloyster ; or what has been devis'd by fiction , when bantring drolls the world put tricks on ; this man our wonder shall engage , as the sole phoenix of the age. and is it so ? — why then is 't wondred , if you are bilkt of paltry hundred ? by chamber , and bankers of london , orphans , and herds of fools are undone , which like a deluge , in a day their whole estates have swept away . if slight of hand , and queint disguise conceal our cheats from mortal eyes , what matter is 't , what heaven ' spies ? such witnesses we 'll ne'er dispute , that seeing all things will be mute ; the point resolv'd , with demure look the formal knave salutes the book ; with canting tone , and turn'd-up eyes , the brazen rogue vents perjuries ; varnishing tales apochryphal , with colours most canonical . avouching ( verbo sacerdotis ) slight matters that occur to 's notice ; confirms untruths he does depose , with vollies of the deepest oaths ; and can with confidence desie jove , and his whole artillery : by two-edg'd sword of bully mars , apollo's bow and shafts he swears ; by chast diana's murdring quiver , and trident of the sea's law-giver ; by pallas spear , and by the club wherewith alcides us'd to drub ; and all the dreadful weapons seen in heaven's warlike magazine ; and wishes ( if he married be ) the devil take's wife , and family . some do believe the world's advance from club of atoms , jump'd by chance , which jumbled in a chaos lay , struggling to hit this lucky way ; then order from confusion rose , and matter , fitly did dispose , which has subsisted ever since , by nature , not by providence ; that no god steers the course of things , event from wild chance-medly springs ; the sun by his own virtue burns , whose crooked course the year returns , dispensing influence to all , makes summer , winter , spring , and fall ; to the dull mass fresh life does give , makes plants and trees shoot forth and live ; wholly cashiering providence , religion , as a sham pretence , devis'd to prop weak humane law , and superstitious fools to aw ; whence unconcern'd , they 'll swear upon both testaments , or alchoran ; and turning serious things to jest , swear , swallow , or take any test . another mungrel sort revere a god , and vengeance , yet forswear ; thus arguing with themselves ; for me let heaven , what it please decree ; strike me with ev'ry malady , stone , palsie , gout , or leprosy ; content i 'll live deaf , dumb , and blind , so i may keep what i purloyn'd ; i 'd rather grope my envy'd store , than live without it , scorn'd and poor : what starving wretch did ever doubt to swop his health for the rich gout ? or foot-man having won the race , to sup high , would not pawn his bays ? in vain you humm haranging vicar , if he want coin to purchase liquor ; what can reward his pains , and studying , but money , sunday's beef , and pudding ? or what damn'd poet ere would write , that did not hope a good third night ? it is not zeal for a good cause , but fees stir up the man o' th' laws ; nor thirst of fame , but hope of plunder , makes heroes charge thro' pikes & thunder . heaven's vengeance heavy is we know , but heavy things move always slow ; and if to punish all they doom , when will my day of rec'ning come ? if courteous heaven he as we find , still to repenting sinners kind , who knows but i may find a place in some free gen'ral act of grace ? besides , jove's more a ( ) gentleman , than for each petty fault to damn ; and will for frailties pardon grant , which in our nature they did plant ; men pushing the same game of sin , with diff'ring fates , some lose , some win ; while one in cart meets with reproaches , the other lords it in gilt coaches ; a traytor once successful grown , heaven his prevailing cause does own ; else why should providence permit usurpers on the throne to sit ? with arguments like these they keep , and lull their consciences asleep ; till by degrees they lose all sense of shame , and ev'ry act dispense ; as women having broke the ice of honour , plunge in ev'ry vice : from paths of vertne newly stray'd , out-do professors of the trade ; by their old tempter once drawn in , they boggle at no sort of sin : these qualms once over , 't will be sport to see him dare thee to the court , proffer ye answer , affidavit , speak which you please , sir , you shall have it . perhaps the matter so he 'll handle , he 'll bring an action for the scandal , where , confidence will guilt out-face , and for meer innocence will pass ; the cause by a right jury try'd , get a fat verdict on his side ; or if you chance to guard that blot , perhaps he 'll swear you into th' plot ; while you roar our like a whip'd strumpet at bridewell , loud as speaking trumpet , and in blasphemous terms in vain of god and man alike complain . can there be gods above , and bear audacious perjury to hear ? so unresenting , tame , and base , t' endure affronts done to their face : 't would move a perfect stone or stock , to see a villain thus to mock ; why offer we vain sacrifice , or court regardless deities ? what need we either church or steeple , or priests to spunge upon the people , if blindly no regard be had to men , or actions good or bad ? if in truth 's quarre ( they ' ) l not arm , or do us either good or harm ? why should they baulk us or encourage , if they are no more than chips in porridge ? or why allow their pictures room , or rev'rence then each common tomb ? or pay respect to heavenly madams , more than the statue of ( ) jack adams ? cease thus to rave and calmly try , what comforts reason can apply : stiff precepts from the stoicks brought , or books by rigid cynicks wrought , or the calm epicure , content with herbs and roots weak nourishment , are useless here : this easy cure is done without the help of lower . if the misfortune which you tell , want in the world a parallel , then i 'll not hinder you to maul , your rev'rent head against the wall , or grief extravagant to show ; let tears as from a fountain flow : for desperate debts we seldom look , but write them on the back o' th book : in vain with locks , after the deed , we would secure the pilfer'd steed . the funerals of our friends with state , and mournful pomp , we celebrate , condoling their deceased souls , with bellowings loud , as irish howls ; content to grieve in outward show , and squeeze a feigned tear or two ; with real sorrow truer hearted , we mourn our money that 's departed ; while all agree in this belief , we do not counterfeit our grief . if law and equity produces each day fresh instance of abuses , 't is each defendants usual practice , for to disown their bond their act is ; proceed to juries when they 've pack'd em , find money paid , or non est factum , a counterfeit bill of exchange no man does now admire as strange : when for to make the cheat pass better , post brings advice in feigned letter . to those intrigues who is a stranger that ever heard the name of ( ) granger ? and all this vouch'd by witnesses , that make a trade of perjuries , and daily are at change-time found , in temple-walks , or the church-round ; though fortune sometimes vilely nicks 'em , and in the wooden-ruff fast sticks ' em . why then are you too delicate to share with us the common fate ? why you so great a favourite , that no mischance on you must light ? while we predestin'd reprobates , are persecuted by the fates . like slaves must drudge and carry double , tugging the labouring oar of trouble : thy wrongs are scarcely worth regard , if with known villainies compar'd , th' effects of rapine , lust , and rage , which every day amaze the age : murder is to each hectoring blade , a gainful , fashionable trade ; while bravoes let themselves to hire , as hackney seconds , to each squire . for drunken brawls , notorious misses , ( ) gilt makes them combat like the swisses . examples of all crimes appear in ev'ry ( ) newgate-calendar : rape , incest , murder , sodomy , theft , sacrilege , and burglary ; here papists set the town on fire ; or else the ( ) monument's a lyer ; but who will credit patience ward , a knight o' th post upon record ? villains the sacrament receive , only with a design to thieve ; and after service staying late , both watch and pray to steal the plate . presented as i well remember , to bribe the town , to choose a member : these make no more to strip a shrine , then buccaneers beyond the line ; a saint or demy-god melt down , remorseless as blood stole the crown . for which and other famous pranks , some purchase punishment , some thanks . these are but slight and trivial crimes , mere peccadillios of our times , did you your private wrongs compare with poys'ners , treason , massacre ; all which , with far more useful lessons , from dawn till night you 'll hear at sessions , consider well mens manners , then say you 're ill treated if you can . why should you grumble if you meet fowl play , where ev'ry man 's a cheat ? who wonders at a crafty scot ? or dutchman given to the pot ? who would admire a black in guiny ? or church land should produce a nynny ? or daughter bred by mother lewd , that has the self same course pursu'd ? or fulsom bawd with half a nose , confirm her wheedling shamms with oaths ? all this unto a man of sense , being but natural consequence . ( ) when hostil cranes , with clamors loud , in squadrons make a noisy cloud , the pygmy-land militia rise t' oppose their common enemies ; with force united puny-nation , joyn to resist threatning invasion ; if from the body any stray , pickeering crane sweepes him away , and does in gripeing tallons bear , the sprawling warriour through the air. doubtless so comical a sight , would with the novelty delight ; but in that numerous dwarfish host , where none's but a foot high at most , and such incounters happen daily , none on the accident will rally . but shall so base a perjury , pass unrewarded , and shot-free ? shan't vengance dog him at the heel , and he divine resentment feel ? suppose the wretch this very hour , wholly consign'd into your power ; and suffer'd for his punishment the sharpest pains you could invent ; impal'd , gashook'd , wrackt or strappado'd , or on live coals were carbonado'd , in some unthought of manner dies , that malice yet is to devise ; all this will not retrieve your loss , or make you richer by a cross : but then revenge in these intrigues sweeter than muskadine and eggs ; is by fond mortals understood , above all sublunary good : so do the mad cap , hare-brain'd crow'd of dam-me-boys , roar out aloud , who for a frolick , or but flight occasions , will lug out and fight ; and when the brutes are mad or drunk , swagger for nothing , or a punk ; huff , bully , bounce rhodomontadoes , and quarrel with their very shadows . such practice has been in all ages , condemn'd by sober men and sages : passions in narrow compass pent , like winds , will strugle for a vent ; while souls inlarg'd , do seldom find such storms in their serener mind ; who can with ease and scorn surmount , all sense of wrong , and an affront : for so the wise ( ) crysippus thought , and ( ) thales mild example taught : ( ) socrates suffer'd without strife , sworn and trappan'd out of his life ; undaunted , drank the poyson up , nor wish'd his foes might pledge the cup : wisdom apt remedies can find , to cure each sickness of the mind , with weeding errors from the ground , plants in their room , what 's true and sound : revenge by nature growing wild , by care is rooted out , and kill'd : but if the soyl indulgence give ; no plants of justice there will live ; o'er-run , and choak'd , thrive there no longer , where reason's weak , passions grow stronger , the certain cause that still we find , it domineers in woman-kind , and leads their easy minds astray , like will i' th wisp , out of the way ; hood-wink'd they rove the crooked path , of head strong lust , pride , fraud & wrath , till tyr'd , and torn , with bush and bryer , in bogs of infamy they mire . can you then fondly think , because crimes scape the censure of the laws , they pass unpunish'd ? no : within , conscience afflicts them for their sin ; while sharper pains their souls torment , than judge , or tyrant can invent : no sense of torture can compare with pangs of sinner in dispair : that 's sharp , but momentary grief ; this knows no end , nor hopes relief ; while in their breasts condemn'd , they feel , and antedate the pains of hell. a story just pat to this case i 've read , but cannot quote the place , tho in authentick writ , i 'm certain ; that once upon a time , a spartan unto whose trust , a friend like you , had left a bag of coin or two , of which possest , the rascal grutches to part with 's booty out of 's clutches ; to be resolv'd of what he doubted , consults the oracle about it , if he might use equivocation , or else forswear it on occasion ; and so might bite his friend confiding : which made the inraged priestess chide him , and plainly told him from apollo , due punishment such crimes should follow . worthy the god was the prediction which prov'd a true one , and no fiction ; with thunder of the sentence stunn'd , he hasts his purchace to refund : now 't was not honesty , but fright , which made the knave at last do right ; nor did compliance save his bacon , that would have virtues paths forsaken ; himself with his whole fire-side , at once for an example dy'd , together with remote relations , unto the third , fourth generations . if perjury altho but meant ; met with so tragical event : what dreadful vengeance must impend , so base , and treacherous a friend ? whoever but designs a crime , is guilty , at the self same time , altho perhaps he ne'er proceeds to ripen his intent to deeds ; if the foul crime he perpetrate , perpetual horrors on him wait ; th' effects of black despair he feels that haunt and dog him at the heels ; grief , sorrow , each unwelcom guest , take lodgings in his anxious breast : if to divert his pangs he try choice musick , mirth or company , like bancoe's ghost , his ugly sin , to marr his jollity , stalks-in ; at costly banquet , 't will not cease to haunt , and to disturb his peace ; and tho the chief guest at the treat he nauseats all , and cannot eat , the morsel chew'd he cannot swallow , as if his teeth were clog'd with tallow : to rowse him from his dumps , they try a glass of noble burgundy ; that friendly god's a sure relief , from ev'ry soul to banish grief . his vitiated tast ( alas ! ) receives no pleasure from the glass ; and at old hock makes as severe a face , as if 't were vinegar . at night in bed tosses and turns restless , while watchful taper burns ; or if by chance , slumber allows his harass'd limbs a short repose , his working fancy represents fresh argument for discontents dreams he th' abused temple fees and the affronted dieties , you his wrong'd friend before his eyes , stalking in a gygantick size , ready upon his corps to fieze to revenge theft and perjuries . bath'd in cold sweats he frighted shreiks at visions bloodier than ( ) king dick's . these are the trembling cowards start at ev'ry chance with akeing heart , look pale and are of wits bereaven to hear th' artillery of heaven . not guessing chance can make so lowd a crack , when winds break through a cloud , and flash , when each the other shocks , like flint and steel in tinder-box : the wretches , in a sad condition , fancy each bolt brings its ( ) commission , from heavens avenging arm being sent , and aim'd at them for punishment ; which if they scape , then they believe that respit's , but a short reprieve from an inevitable doom , that with surprise will surely come ; if pulse uneven restless night , with symptoms of a fever fright , they think the dreadful summon's come to hurry 'em to eternal doom ; to heaven they dare not send a prayer , least they wake fleeping vengeance there ; and to their own destruction raise anger , they know not to appease . sin 's of unconstant fickle nature , varying its object , shape and matter ; to start fresh game is always ranging : like proteus makes no end of changing ; cameleon trimmer shifting dye , by turns , wears ev'ry livery . set the door open to one sin all sorts of crimes will strait rush in ; decoy'd to swallow by the devil quickly distinguish good from evil ; fruits of apostacy we find too soon in the debauched mind ; and though perhaps , sometimes within pangs of remorse are felt for sin ; when with like appetite we burn , to our old haunts again , return ; nature and custom draws us in , for who can bound or stint his sin ? reproofs , are arguments for laughter , to those have eat shame , and drank after ; grown resolute , like man of mettle , they burnish face with brazen kettle . for men , in the career of vice , like those that slide upon the ice , can't on the sudden stop , but run push't by their passions headlong on ; nor on the precipice can stay , for hell is down hill all the way : who ever yet made stop at sin , when with success , his hand is in ? a lucky entrance makes him flush , and at all games his fortune push , till he the gentle habit get , of vice , and dance into the net , with irons cramp'd in dungeon close , the ( ) devil brings him his old shooes : there jilting fortune will deceive him , feign'd friends , the world and pleasure leave him ; then lying pensive and forlorn , expos'd to miseries and scorn , must in base humble suppliant fashion , the favour beg of transportation . or to teach others useful lesson , must to the gallows make procession , where the poor wretch , on sad triangle , a publick spectacle shall dangle , doubtless so long a wish'd for sight , cannot but ravish with delight ; and then at last with joyful mind you 'll own , heaven 's neither deaf nor blind . (a) exemplo quodcunque malo committitur , ipsi displicet ductori , prima est baec ultio , quod se judice , nemo nooens absolvitur . (b) improba quamvis gratia fallacis praetoris vicerit urnam . (a) quid sentire put a omnes , calvine , recenti de scelere , & fidei violatae crimine ? sed (b) nec tam tenuis census tibi contigit , ut mediocris jacturae te mergat onus : nec (c) rara videmus quae pateris : casus multis hic cognitus , & jam tritus , & è medio fortunae ductus acervo . ponamus nimios gemitus , flagrantior (a) aequo non debet dolor esse (b) viri , nec vulnere major . tu quamvis levium minimam , exiguamque malorum particulam vix ferre potes , spumantibus (c) ardens visceribus , sacrum tibi quod non reddat amicus depositum , stupet (d) haec , qui jam post terga reliquit . sexaginoa annos fonteio consule natus ? (a) an nihil in melius tot rerum proficis usu ? magna quidem , sacris quae dat praecepta (b) libellis , victrix fortunae sapientia . (c) ducimus autem hos quoque felices , qui ferre incommoda vitae , nec jactare jugum vitâ didicere magistra . quae (d) tam festa dies , quae cesset prodere furem , perfidiam , fraudes , atque omni ex crimine lucrum quaesitum ; & gladio (a) p●rtos , & (b) pixide nummos ? rari (c) quippe boni numero vix sunt totidem , quot thebarum (d) portae , vel (e) divitis (f) ostia nili . nunc (a) aetas agitur , pejoraque saecula ferri temporibus , quorum sceleri non invenit ipsa nomen , & à nullo posuit natura metallo . nos (b) hominum divumque fidem clamore ciemus . quanto fessidium (c) laudat vocalis agentem sportula , die senior (d) bulla (e) dignissime , nescis quas (f) habeat veneres aliena pecunia ? — quem tua simplicitas risum vulgo moveat , cum exigis (a) à quoquam ne pejeret , & putet ullis esse aliquod numen templis , aereque rubenti ? quondam hoc indiginae (b) vivebant more , — (a) — priusquam sumeret agrestem posito diademate falcem saturnus fugiens , tunc cum virguncula (b) juno , et privatus adhuc idaeis (c) jupiter antris . nulla super nubes convivia coelicolarum , nec (d) puer iliacus , formosa nec herculis (e) uxor , ad cyathos , & jam siccato nectare tergens brachia (f) volcanus lyparaea nigra taberna . prandebat sibi quisquis deus , nec turba deorum talis , ut est hodie , contentaque sidera paucis numinibus , miserum urgebant (a) atlanta minori pondere : nondum aliquis sortitus triste (b) profundi imperium , — — aut sicula torvus cum conjuge (a) pluton , nec (b) rota , nec (c) furiae , nec (d) saxum , aut (e) vulturis atri poena , sed infernis (f) bilares sine regibus umbrae . improbitas illo fuit admirabilis aevo . credebant hoc grands nefas , & morte piandum , si juvenis vetulo non assurrexerat , & si barbato cuicunque puer , licet ipse videret plura domi fraga , & majores (g) glandis acervos . tam venerabile erat praecedere quatuor annis , primaque par adeo sacrae lanugo senectae . nunc si depositum non inficietur amicus , si reddat veterem cum tota aerugine (a) follem , prodigiosa fides , & (b) thuscis digna libellis , quaeque coronata lustrari debeat agna . (a) egregium , sanctumque virum si cerno , (b) bimembri hoc monstrum puero , vel mirandis sub aratro piscibus inventis ; & foetae comparo (c) mulae ? sollicitus tanquam lapides effuderit imber , examenque apium longa consederet uva culmine delubri , tanquam in mare fluxerit amnis gurgitibus miris , & lactis vortice torrens . intercepta decem quereris sestertia fraude sacrilega . quid si bis centum perdidit alter hoc arcana modo ? majo●em tertius illa summam , quam patulae caperet vix angulus arcae ? tam (a) facile & pronum est superos contemnere testes , si mortalis idem nemo sciet . (b) adspice quanta voce neget , & quae sit ficti constantia vultus ! per solis radios , tarpeiaque fulmina jurat , et martis frameam , & cirrhaei spicula vatis : per calamos venutricis pharetramque puellae , perque tuum pater aegei neptune tridentem : addit & herculeos arcus , hastamque minervae , quidquid habent telorum armamentaria coeli . si vero & pater est , comedam , inquit , flebile nati sinciput elixi , pharioque madentis aceto . (a) sunt in fortunae qui cafibus omnia ponunt , et nullo credunt mundum rectore moveri , (a) natura volvente (b) vices , & lucis , & anni , atque ideo (c) intrepidi quaecunqne (d) altaria tangunt . est alius , metuens ne crimen poena sequatur : hic putat esse dees , & pejerat , atque ita secum : decernat quodcunque volet de corpore nostro (a) isis , & (b) irato (c) feriat w●en lumina (d) sistro● . dummodo vel coecus teneam quos abnego nummos . et phthisis , & vomicae putres , & dimidium crus sunt (a) tanti ? (b) pauper locupletem optare podagram nec dubitat ladas , si non eget anticyra , nec archigine . quid enim velocis gloria plantae (c) praestat , & esuriens piseae ramus olivae ? (a) ut sit magna , tamen certe lenta ira deorum est . si curant igitur cunctos punire nocentes , (b) quando ad me venient ? sed & exorabile numen fortasse experiar : solet his ignoscere . — (a) multi committunt cadem diverso crimina faro : (b) ille crucem sceleris pretium tulit , hic (c) diadema . (d) sic animum dirae trepidans formidine culpae confirmant , — (a) — tunc te ad delubra voeantem praecedit , (b) trahere immo ultra , ac vexare paratus . (a) nam cum magna malae superest audacia causae , creditur à multis fiducia . (b) mimum agit ille , urbani qualem fugitivus scurra catulli . (c) tu miser exclamas , ut (d) stentora vincere possis , vel potius quantum (e) gradivus homericus : — (a) jupiter haec ? nec labra moves , cum mittere vocem debueras , vel marmoreus , vel aheneus ? (b) aut cur in carbone tuo chartâ pia thura solutâ ponimus , & sectum vituli jecur albaque porci omenta ? — vt video , nullum discrimen habendum est effigies inter vestras , statuamque (a) vagelli . accipe quae contra valeat solatia ferre , et qui nec (b) cymicos , nec stoica dogmata legit a cynicis tunica distantia ; — — non (a) epicurum suspicit exigui (b) laetum (c) plantaribus horti . (d) curentur dubii medicis majoribus agri : (e) tu venam vel (f) discipulo committe philippi . si nullum interris (g) tam detestabile factum ostendis , taceo , nec pugnis cedere pectus te veto , nec plana faciem contundere palma : quandoquidem accepto (h) claudenda est janua damno , et majore domus gemitu , majore tumultu planguntur nummi , quam funera . nemo dolorent fingit in hoc (a) casu , vestem (b) diducere summam contentus , (c) vexare oculos , humore coacto . ploratur lachrymis amissa pecunia veris. sed si cuncta vides simili for a plena querela , si (a) decies lectis diversa parte tabellis vana supervacui dicunt chirographa ligni , arguit ipsorum quos littera , gemmaque princeps (b) sardonychum , loculis quae custoditur eburnis : tenunc delicias (a) extra communia censes ponendum , quia tu (b) gallinae filius albae , (c) nos vile pulli nati infelicibus ovis . rem pateris modicam , & mediocri bile ferendam , si flectas oculos majora ad crimina : confer conductum (a) latronem , (a) incendia sulfure coepta atque dolo , primos cum janua colligit ignes : (b) confer & hos verteris qui rollunt grandia templi pocula adorandae rubiginis , & populorum dona , vel antiquo posit as à rege coronas . haec ibi si non sunt , minor extat sacrilegus , qui radat inaurati femur herculis , & faciem ipsam neptuni , qui bracteolam de castore ducat . an dubitat solitus totum conflare (a) tonantem ? confer & (b) artifices , (c) mercatoremque veneni ; et (d) deducendum corio bovis in mare , cum quo clauditur adversis innoxia (e) sinia fatis . haec (a) quota pars scelerum , quae (b) custos gallicus urbis vsque à lucifero , donec lux occidat , audit ? humani generis mores tibi nosse volenti sufficit una (b) domus , paucos consume dies , et dicere te miserum , postquam illinc veneris , (c) aude . (d) quis tumidum guttur miratur in alpibus ? aut quis it meroe crasso majorem infante mamillam ? coerula quis stupuit germani lumina ? flavam caesariem , & madido torquentem cornua cirro ? nempe quod hic illis (a) natura est omnibus una . ad subitas thracum volucres , nubemque sonoram pygmaeus parvis currit bellat or in armis : mox impar hosti , raptusque per aëra curvis vnguibus à saeva fertur grue , si videas hoc gentibus in nostris , risu quatiere ; — — sed illic , quanquam eadem assidue spectentur praelia , ridet nemo , ubi tot a cohors pede non est altior uno . (a) nullane perjuri capitis fraudisque nefandae poena erit ? — — (a) abreptum crede hunc graviore catena protinus , & nostro ( quòd plus velit ira ? ) necari arbitrio ; manet illa tamen jactura , nec unquam depositum tibi sospes erit , sed corpore trunco invidiosa dabit minimus solatia sanguis . (b) at vindicta bonum vita jucundius ipsa . (a) nempe hoc indocti , (b) quorum praecordia nullis interdum , aut levibus videas flagrantia causis , quantulacunque adeo est occasio , sufficit irae . crysippus non dicit idem , nec mite thaletis ingenium , dulcique senex (a) vicinus hymetto , qui partem acceptae saeva inter vincla cicutae accusatori nollet dare . — — plurima felix paulatim vitia , atque errores exuit omnes , prima docens rectum (a) sapientia : quippe minuti semper , & infirmi est animi , exiguique voluptas vltio , continuo sic (b) collige , quod vindictae nemo magis gaudet , quam foemina — — (a) cur tamen hos tu evasisse putes , (b) quos diri conscia facti mens habet attonitos , & (c) surdo verbere caedit occultum quatiente animo tortore flagellum ? poena autem vehemens , & multo saevior illis , quas & (d) caeditius gravis invenit , & (e) rhadamantus . (a) nocte , dieque suum gestare in pectore testem : (b) spartano cuidam respondit (c) pythia vates : (a) haud impunitum quondam foret , quod dubitaret (b) depositum retinere , & fraudem (c) jure tueri jurando : (d) quaerebat enim quae numinis esset mens , & an hoc illi facinus suaderet apollo . reddidit ergo (a) metu , (b) non moribus , & tamen omnem (c) vocem (d) aditi dignam templo , veramque probavit : extinctus tota pariter cum prole , domoque , et quamvis longo deductis gente propinquis . has partitur poenas peccandi sola (a) voluntas . (b) nam scelus intra se tacitum qui cogitat ullum (c) facti crimen habet , (d) cedo si conata peregit ? (e) perpetua anxietas , — — nec mensae tempore cessa●t faucibus ut morbo siccis , interque molares difficili cresente cibo . — — sed vina miselhis expuit , albani veteris pretiosa senectus displicet . ostendas melius , densissima ruga cogitur in frontem , (a) velut acri ducta falerno . (b) nocte brevem si forte indulsit cur a soporem , et toto versata toro jam membra quiescunt , continuo templum , & violati numinis aras , et quòd praeciquis mentem sudoribus urget , te videt in somnis : tua sacra , & major imago humanâ turbat pavidum , cogitque (a) fateri : hi (b) sunt qui trepidant & ad omnia fulgura pallent , cum tonat , exanimes primo quoque murmure coeli , non quasi (a) fortuitu , (b) nec ventorum rabie , sed (c) iratus cadat in terras , & (d) judicet ignis . (e) illa nihil nocuit , curae graviore timetur proxima tempestas : velut hoe dilata sereno . (a) praeterea lateris vigili cum febre dolorem si coepere pati , missum ad s●●● corporae morbum infesto credunt à numine : saxa deorum haec , & rela putant : pecudem spondere sacello (b) balantem , & laribus (c) cristam promitters galli non audent . quid enim (d) sperare nocentibus aegris concessum ? vel quae non dignior (e) hostia vitae ? mobilis , & varia est firme naturae malorum . (a) cum scelus admittunt superest constantia : quod fas , atque nefas ; tandem incipiunt sentire peractis criminibus . (b) tamen ad mores naturae recurrit damnatos , fixa & mutari nescia : nam quis peccandi finem posuit sibi ? — — (a) quando recepit , ejectum semel attrirae de snome rubor●●● ? (b) quisnam hominibus est , quem tu 〈◊〉 videris ●●●●slagitio ? — — (a) dabit in laqueum vestigia noster perfidus , & nigri patietur carceris (b) uncum . (c) aut maris aegaei rupem , scopulosque fraequentes exulibus magnis . — — (a) poena gamies is amarae numinis invist , (b) tandemque iute●ere ●eth , nec (c) surdum , nec (d) tiresiam quemquam esse deorum . finis . annotations . ( ) sheriff . our author observes , that offenders often escape the censure of the laws , by corrupting the prator or judge , and swaying his vrn or judgment , which i have been bold to change into a more modem way of corruption , by bribeing sheriffs and packing juries , a very parallel practice . but for the better explanation of our author , i have thought it convenient , to say something here of the manner of the roman tryals at law. the praetor sate as judge or president of the court , to whom by the drawing of lotts was added a certain number of assistants , who were upon their oaths to give a true judgment or verdict : which after the hearing the cause they signified by casting certain balls or tables of wax into the prator's vrn ; who collecting their votes according to the majority pronounced the opinion or sentence of the court , as the lord high steward does among our peers . if the majority of the votes were marked with the letter a. the defendant was acquitted , if with c. he was condemned : if with n. l. ( i. e. ) n●● lia●et , it betokened they were not satisfied with the fulness of the proof . and then the cause was deferred to a further hearing , which many turns in the transacting the business by the praetor , might give opportunity for a bribe to slip in upon occasion . ( ) past ages . the common copies of our author in this place have it , nona aetas . to make out which the commentators have been put upon several fancies and shiffs , of which number lubin seems the plainest , affirming , that the poet reckons here not after the roman , but the grecian manner ; the greeks counting eight ages viz. gold , silver , electrum ( or a mixture of gold and silver ) brass , copper , lead , tin and iron , and so by consequence the age worse than iron , must be the ninth ; in which reckoning , he is forced to strain hard to make the metals reach to eight , making the iron which , is the fourth in the roman , the eight in the grecian account , which is very liable to suspicion , since it is apparent in our authors , th . satyr verse the th . our author counting the ages by the metals , makes no such distance between the silver and the iron age , saying , omne alind crimen mox ferrea protulit aetas . where the word mox implies the iron was not long after the silver age. and therefore i have followed nunc aetas , according to the roman account . page th . ( ) saturn . here our poet takes an occasion to lash out into a large description of the golden age , for the largeness of which digression , he has been censured , and might well have deserved it , if he had had no other design in it , than a bare description . but his satyrick vein lays hold on so fair an occasion , to rally and deride the folly of the roman theology , and multiplicity of deities , and to expose their vanity to the derision of sevener judgments ; the wiser heads , even in those dark times , concluding it most absurd to imagine there could be more or other than one immense and incomprehensible being . our author says the world lived simply and honestly in the golden age , before saturn was expelled from his kingdom of co●et , and forced to fly into italy , where he was kindly received and harboured by janus . page th . ( ) juno . before juno was grown into her teens , and married to her brother jupiter . page th . ( ) jove . when jupiter skulked in the caves of mount ida , where he was concealed by his mother from his father saturn , who had bound himself by contract with his elder brother titan , to devour all his male children . that after him titan or his children might inherit their birth-right in the kingdom . page th . ( ) no handsom boy . before ganymede was perferr'd to be page and something else to jupiter , and to fill nectar in the place of hebe . page th . ( ) or wench . hebe the goddess of youth and daughter of juno , she was removed from her office of filling nectar for the gods , to make room for ganymede son to the king of troy , which made juno have a perfect aversion for that city , and to plague aeneas in his travails , she was married to hercules after his deification . page th . ( ) vulcan . before vulcan was made the smith of heaven , and kept his forge in the island of lypary , whence coming all besmear'd with smoak , they made smug wash , before he was admitted to the table . page th . ( ) atlas . a high mountain in mauritania , whose top is invisible , being obscured with clouds , and covered with constant snow , which made the ignorant inhabitants conjecture the mountain prop'd up heaven . and might give occasion to the poets to fancy the heavens were supported by a gyant of that name , who might well be sensible , and sink under the oppression of so many new created godheads . page th . ( ) ocean and hell. when jupiter with the help of his brothers , neptune and pluto , had deposed their old father saturn , they divided the dominion amongst them in this manner . jupiter obtained heaven for the seat of his government , neptune ruled the ocean , and pluto the souls in hell : which fabulous division might fall out real in this manner : jupiter the eldest had the crown , neptune was admiral , and pluto high priest and chief justice , governing their souls and bodies , with terrors of laws and conscience . page th . ( ) gentleman . captain vrats his opinion in the case , doubtless of great consolation at the gallows . page th . ( ) graunger . a person very notorious for his prodigious science and dexterity in counterfeiting all manner of hands and writing , who being at last detected , performed the exercises usual in those cases , and through the pillory over-saw several markets according to his sentence in the court of king's bench , where he lately dyed . ( ) gelt . the german word for money , often and clamorously repeated by the mercenary switzers when they mutiny for pay ; to which demand , if they have not present satisfaction , they have often in the face of their enemy thrown down their arms , rather chooseing to expose their lives to the enemy , than fight for ill pay-masters . page . ( ) newgate calendar . the judges at the old bayly and all assizes , have a calendar or writing given them wherein the names and orimes of every particular prisoner is set down . page . ( ) monument . the pillar erected by the city of london in memory of the great and dreadful fire , whereon sir patient ward in his majoralty caused an inscription to be ingraven , charging the fire of london to have been procured by the contrivance and treachery of the papists . which inscription has been since expunged by authority . page . ( ) buccaneirs . the jamaica rovers or free-booters so called , famous and terrible in the west , judges for their many and desperate exploits , whose custom is , when they surprize and sack a town , first to plunder the church , and then make it a prison for the spaniards . page . ( ) blood. famous for his attempt to steal the crown , and sieze the person of the duke of ormond . ( ) the pygmy-land . here our author to divert his friend , describes the ridiculous war between the cranes and the pygmies , a dwarfish nation inhabiting the remote mountains of india , at continual wars with their mortal foes the cranes , who infest their country . they make a yearly expedition to the sea side , armed with bows and arrows , and riding on rams and goats , about the spring time , when the cranes hatch , where they destroy their eggs and young ones , least growing too numerous they might over-power them and force them from their country , as they once drove a colony of their nation out of thrane . page . ( ) crysippus . a stoick of a meek temper , a subtil logician . he dyed laughing . page . ( ) thales . one of the seven wise men of greece . page . . ( ) socrates . a most excellent philosopher , of a mild and pleasant humor , he was falsly accused by anitus , lycon and melitus , for holding some wrong opinion of the gods : being brought before the judges , and by them asked what in his own opinion he deserved ; he answered , to be maintained at the publick charge , which free answer so distasted the bench , that they condemn'd him to dy by poyson , which he drank without concern . page . ( ) whoever . a worthy opinion of a heathen poet , agreeing with the principles of christian in holy writ . page . ( ) bancoes ghost . in the tragedy of mackbeth , where the coming-in of the ghost disturbs and interrupts the entertainment . page . ( ) vision dicks . in the tragedy of richard the d. ( ) commission . a fort of turkish opinion held amongst the seamen , that every bullet has his commission to hit the person predestinated , and no other , which stroak of fate is inevitable . ( ) the devil . alluding to a fable in aesop , where the malefactor in prison summons his famillar to his assistance according to their contract , the spirit appearing with a bundle of old shooes , which he pretended he had worn out on his errands ; and told him without a recruit he could not budge one foot further ; not quite so treacherous a trick as he served the conjurer in the tragedy of the duke of guise . page the last . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e (a) exemplo . vel facinore , cujus malum exemplum nocet , alios peccare docens . (b) improba . quamvia gratia , fallacis & corrupti praetoris , vel judicis , urnam , & judicium , ( i. e. ) jus , & equitatem , viceric , & superaverit : qua nocentes saepissime absolvuntur . (a) quid sentire . secundum argumentum , quod omnes factum islud tanquam sceleratissimum damnent , & detestentur . (b) sed nec . tertium argumentum quod calvinus satis dive● , & in re adeo tenui natus non sit , ut levi● jactur● , decem nimirum h. s. quae valent anglicanas coronas aut circiter , obruat illum , & ad desperationem adigat . (c) nec rara . quarta consolatio , ab exemplis aliorum , quod hujusmodi damnum non ipse solus expertus sit , sed quod idem multi alii perpessi sunt . (a) flagrantior . vehementior . (b) viri . prudentis , magnanimi . (c) spumantibus . aestuantibus visceribus , quasi bili , ira &c fervore spument . (d) stupet haec . objurgat admirationem calvini cum interrogatione . an calvinus qui fonteio consule natus est , & jam sexaginta annos vixit , haec & corsin●lia , quae passim & ubique sunt , cum stupore deminatur ? (a) an nihil . profecisti artevitae humanae , tot rerum usu , & tanta aetate . (b) libellis . ethici docentes philosophiam , moralem humanitatem & sapientiam , exultare fortunae , & valida esse contra omnia adversa fortunae tela . (c) ducimus . id est , illos etiam merito felices & sapientes dicimus , qui sine libris philosophorum , per vitae humanae usum & experientiam , omnia vitae incommoda ferre didicerunt , & necessitatis jugo non reluctari . (d) festa dies . id est quae dies adeo sacra & festa est quae non prodat furem , aut manifestat aliquod sceleraturn fecinus cujusedam furis vel perfidi , aut nummos gladio vel veneno in pixide parata partos . (a) gladio . notat latrones & sicarios . (b) pixide . intelligit , venificas & venenum in pixide clausum & paratum . (c) rari . dicit , autem vix in tota urbe roma septem bonos inveniri , alludens ad graeciae sapientes , qui numero septem fuerunt . (d) thebae . in boeotia septem portae fuerunt . (e) nili. septem ostia . (f) divitis . nam inundans agros aegypti sao limo feraces & fertiles reddie . (a) nunc aetas . id est , nunc aguntur à nobis pejora saecula &c deterioria quam fuit ferreum , quorum sceleri & vitio ipsa natura nullum nomen invenit , nec metallum adeo vile habeat , ut pravitatem hujus saeculi torrupti satis apte possit exprimere . quemadmodum priora saecula ab auro , argento , &c. denominata fuerunt . (b) nos . inepti sceleraturn facinus videntes clamore implorare deorum atque hominum fidem incipimus , tanquam novum & inusitatum aliquod spectantes , cum hujusmodi crimina passim & ubique obvia habeamus . (c) fessidium . ostendic clyentes habuisse conductos , qui eum causas agentem alta voce collaudarent , non causidicis solum , verum & poetis usitatum . (d) dic senior . acriter objurgat & vexat calvinum , qui tot annos vixerit , & sui saeculi mores non dedicerit , ideoque dignus habitu puerili , cum animum puerilem habet . (e) bulla . fuit insigne puerorum ingenuorum quod è collo ad pectus porrigibatur , habens figuram cordis , ut quidam arbitrantur : alii priapi . (f) nescis quas . id est , nescis in quantis delitiis sit aliens pecunia per fraudem occupata . (a) exigis . fidem & pietatem ab illo , qui deum non credit , nec ultorem fore perjurii , & ob id stolida tua simplicitas merito irridetur . (b) indiginae . latini ab origines antiquissimi italiae populi , ex nullo parente , ex nulla patria orti , quasi indegeniti , vivebant hoc more ( i. e. ) simpliciter . (a) priusquam . imperante adhuc saturno , quo aureum saeculum fuit , cum satur●us nondum à filio love regno esset pulsus , qui profugus a creta in iraliam pervenis , ibi que a jano lio spitio exceptus est . (b) juno . nondum adulta , & jovi fratri suo nupta . (c) jupiter . cum jupiter nondum rex esset , sed privatus in idaeis antris à rhea matre abscondebatur , ne à patre saturno devoraretur . (d) puer iliacus . ganymedes filius trois regis ilii nondum in coelum raptus cinoedus & pincerna jovis . (e) uxor . heben juventutis deam intelligit , quae ante ganymedem jovi cyaethos ministrabat , crat filia junonis qu●● postea in coelum recepts herculi nupsit . (f) volcanus . cum non esser volcanus deorum faber . (a) atlanta . quia fingunt atlanta coelum sustinere . (b) profundi . nepunum intelligit quimari imperat . (a) pluton . cum nondum esser pluto deus ille inferni immitis horrendusque cum conjuge proserpina , ceteris , filia in aerna sie●●●e monte rupià . (b) nec ro●a . que exion 〈…〉 volume & jutions to 〈◊〉 inferece (c) nec furiae . 〈…〉 sce●●●●● , alecto , tisiphona & megaera , quae variis cruciatibus nocentes persequuntur . (d) nec saxum . sisyphi ob furta & fraudes . (e) vulturis . qui jecur tytii lancinat , co quod latonam de stupro sollicitâsset . (f) hilares . sui jutis laetae sine plutone , sine judicibus , viz. aeaco , rhadamantho , triptolemo . (g) glandis acervos . priscorum censim . (a) follem . cruinenam & sa●●ilum è corio ●●nquam follem . (b) thuscis . quae digna sit cum reliquis portentis & prodigiis , ob inusitatam novitatem scriptis aruspicum thuscorum inserari . (a) egregium . innuit ulterius virum integrum & inculpatum , romae monstro biformi &c prodigioso partim esse similem . (b) bimembri puero . veluri si puer natus esset semibos , ut minotaurus ; vel semiequus , ut centauri . (c) mulae . gravidae & praegnantis , quia mulae nunquam concipiunt . ratio est qui● mula gignitu● & constat ex animalibus specie differentibus , viz. equo & asina . (a) tam facile . egregia haec sententia notat , homines pronos & proclives esse ad fallendum , deos qui omnia vident ut testes facile contemnentes , modo homines ignorent . (b) adspice . accurate & graphice depingit talium hominum constantem malitiam , audaciam & impudentiam , qui alta voce , & constantia ficti & simulati vultûs , audacter & pertinaciter pejerare audent . (a) sunt . impii homines omnia casu , nihil autem providentia dei fieri censeant , ( juxta epicurum qui deum & providentiam sustulit . ) ignorantes , naturam , fatum , fortunam , casum esse ejusdam dei nomina ; quae falsa & impia opinio , causa est tantorum scelerum & perjuriorum . (a) natura . quasi natura bruta & irrationalis sit causa rerum naturalium ; & omnium rerum vicissitudinem , ortum , & interirum producat . cum tamen vere loquendo natura nihil aliud est quam deus . (b) vices . diei , anni , temporum , motuum . (c) intrepidi . sine ullo metu & timore pejerant . (d) altaria . nam v●tres a●●●●ngentes solebant in templis conceptis verbi● jurare . (a) isis . haec dea cum harpocrate corporibus morbos immittere credebatur . (b) irato . infenso & infesto . (c) feriat . oculis me privet , & coecum reddat . (d) sistro . instrumentum aereum vel etiam aureum & argenteum , quo in sacris isidis arguto strepitu resonabant , isi● enim , sistrum gerebat in dextra manu . anglice a tymbrel . (a) tanti . judicand● scilicet & estimanda : innuit enim longe satius aegrotare cum divitiis quam sanum esse & p●uperem . (b) pauper ladas . licet velocissimus cursor , non dubiter optare locupletem podagram ; si non eget helleboro ex insula anticyra proveniente ; nec nobilissimo aliquo medico , qualis fuit archiginal . (c) praestat . id est , inanis gloria & corona ex ramo olen victoribus data , nihil prosunt pauperi & esurienti cursoti . (a) ut sit . verba sunt perjuri cum concessione conjuncta , ( l. e. ) licet dei ira sit vehemens & gravis , tamen consolatur me quòd lenta & tarda sit ; interea nos genio & voluptati indulgebimus . (b) quando . post longum tempus ad me veniat , ridiculè cogitans deum more hominum per temporum intervalls agere . (a) multi . homines cadem scelera saepe committupt , sed diversa sorte , eventu & successu . (b) ille crucem . supplicium crucis , furcae , vel mortis atrocis pretium& mercedem sceleris tulit . (c) hic diadema . coronam , laudes & honores . (d) sic . id est , talibus & similibus consolationibus se in scelere adversus poenam impii confirmant . (a) tunc te . id est , postquam animum ita obfirmavit , ultro te ad aram cum alacritate praecedit , & ibi se jummen●o purget . (b) trahere . immo vero cunctanrem te trahit , & fi ire recuse● , tibi molestus est , & interim coram alii● te ludibrio babet . (a) nam . id est , ubi cum mala causa seeleratiff●ni homlrtis saepe audacia conjungitur , illa audacia apod multos speciem innocenti●e & integrit obsence , putant enim tan●●m aud●●m & sid●●am ex recta conseremia prosi●●sci . (b) mimum . pe●ju●us 〈…〉 calumniatur , non secus ut dominum suum vexat servus ille fugitivus & confidens , quem mimus repres●●at in fabu●● mimographi catulli urbani & faceti . (c) tu miser . tu innocens à perjuro vexatus deo inclamas voce stentorea . (d) stentora . hic in exercitu graecorum ad trojam , tantam vocis altitudinem habuit ut solus clamaret quantum alii quinquaginta . hinc prover bium , stentore clamofior . (e) gradivus . mars , apud eundem homerum à diomede vulneratus , exclamavit quantum decem mill'a virorum . (a) jupiter haec . jovem ipsum ut socordem increpat , qui videt , & audit tam manifesta perjuria , & non punit ; & hominum stuporem arguit qui simulacris aeneis & marmoceis numen inesse aliquod sibi persuaserunt . (b) autcur . id est , siperjuris non vis punire , & nos non audire , non etiam dignus es cui sacrificemur . (a) vagelli . hominis stolidissimi . (b) cynici . duplici pallio , stoici . fimplici utebantur , caeteturn in doctrina ni●il erat discriminis . (a) non epicurum . epicurum non admicatin , quisummum bonum in volupeate & tranquillirate ponit , fuit tamen epicurus ( teste seneca ) sobrius admodum parvo horto & oleribus contentus . (b) laetum . non sine voluptate contentum . (c) plantaribus . olusculis . (d) curentur . aflicti gravibus aerumnis , gravem poscunt philosophum , qui consoletur & cuter . (e) tu . cujus damnum levis est non ita gravi consolatori opus habe● . (f) discipulo . medico mediocri . (g) tam quam ejus qui ae fefellit . (h) claudenda est janua . irridet eo● qui juxta proverbium equo amisso stabulum clauduat . (a) in hoc casu . in amission● bonorum . (b) diducere . dil●cerare . (c) vexare . lachrymis misere 〈◊〉 rendo oculos vix viexpressis . (a) si decies . si ●●sitatissimum romae est , ut instrumenta obligatoria ceratis tabulis inscripta vel decies legantur obsignenturque , suam tamen chirographam debitores negant se unquam scripsisse , & dicunt adulterinam vanam & supervacuam esse . (b) sardonichum . sigilium in gemma preciosa soulp●●● . (a) extra-comminem & vulgarem sortem . (b) tu gallinae filius albae . proverbium in illos qui aliquid peculiare esse volunt : vel sibi videantur egregii & super alios feliciter nati . (c) nos viles . in allegoria persererat . tu singularis & nobilis communem hominum sortem detrectas , quam nos è vili turba nullius pretii homunculi sustincre cog●mur . (a) latronem . sicarium ad occidendum conductum notat . (a) incendia . o●●m sulfure nunc pulvere ●●rmentario facta . (b) confer . compara spoliationem templorum cum dene●●tion● depositi tui . (a) tonantem . jovis statuam . (b) artifices . veneficos qui venennum parant . (c) mercatoremque . venditorem simul & emptorem . (d) deducendum . parricidam intelligit includendum cull●o , cum gallo , cane , fimia , & serpente . (e) simia . innoxia adversis fatis , in sociam poenam destinat● , cum ●●ps● non occiderit parentem . (a) quota . minima s●ilicet . (b) custos . rutillium gallicum intelligit qui sub domitiano praefectus fuit rome & custos urbis . (b) una domus . illius rutillii . (c) aude . si potes juste . (d) quis tumidum . quis ea quae vulgo accidunt , & quae quotidiana , & quasi è loci natura sunt , miranda putet ; romae videre omnes scelere profligatos , non magis mirum est quam in alpibus omnes strumosos vitio aquae quam ibi potant , tanquam mammosas in meroe aegypti civitate : germanos cum or coerulis oculis & flava caesarie . (a) natura . uthaec illis natura & more , ita & nobis romanis . ●●elera . (a) nullane . objectio ; ita ne ille perjurus impune evader ? (a) abreptum . puta majoribus poenis afficitur , quam animus tuus exposcit , quid tibi prodest , nec damnum ex hac re refarciari potest . (b) at vindicta . per objectionem , id est vindicta quae in oculos incur●it , vel per carnificem vel per nosmet ipsos gratissima est . (a) nempe . respondet poeta ad objectionem ; & dicit homines stultos , indoctos , imperitos , rudes , & imbecilles , iracundos esse , & vindictae cupides , etiam ob nullas causas irascentes , non viros sapientes . (b) quorum . cor s●●pe praeterrem , ob nullam causam vel nullius momenti , videas incandescere , & ira flagrari . (a) vicinus hymetto . socrates . (a) sapientia . philosophia mor●lis , quae imprimis irae & reliquis affectibus froema inji●i ; & vindictam docet obedire , & morigerare , docens otiam quod justum & naturae conveniens est . (b) collige . argue , conclude , mulieres sunt vindictae cupidissimae , at mulieres sunt infirmi animi , ergo &c. quo enim minor est animus , eo affectibus magis percellitur & superatur . (a) cur tamen . probat jam sequentibus neminem sceleratorum imp●●●●tem habere . (b) quos . certe illi impune non evaserunt , qui suam poenam , & vindictam , semper comitem habent . (c) surdo . ( i. e. ) tacito & latenti tormento , quod animum & interiora affligit , quod nominant occultum flagellum ; hae sunt furiae illae infernales , quibus oreftes , alcmeon & alii fuerunt agitati . (d) caeditius . index illius temporis apud vitellium crudelissimus ; qui semper graviotibus suppliciis delectabatur . (e) rhadamantus . inferorum index justissimus , & maxime severus jovis & europae filius , rex lyciae . (a) nocte . conscientiam testem quae nunquam cessat accusare & reum convincere , & de illo supplicium sumere . quo nulla poer● , nullus cruciatus , gravior & truculentior excogitari potest , quam est ipsa revera poena infernalis . (b) spartano , &c. glauco per hanc historiam oftendit , fieri non posse , ut qui depo●●●um abnegarit poenam effugiat . hanc histociam recitat herodotus lib. . (c) pythia vates . apollinis sacerdos fatidica , qui pythius dictu● , à serpente pythone o●cis●● . (a) haud . illam malam mentem & quod deum tentaret . (b) depositum . fidci commissum non reddere . (c) jure . ( i. e. ) suum scelus ac dolum jure jurando tueri , ac conformare vel palliare , & excusare . (d) quaerebat explorabat & tentabat ec quid etiam deus hanc frandem esset approbaturus . (a) metu . poenarum quai ora●lum minitabatur . (b) non moribus . non amore virtutis & justitiae , quia timuit , non quia sponte voluit . (c) vocem . oraculi veram esse ostendit . (d) aditi . vatis ex adito ( i.e. ) loco templi intimo & ab al●●s inaccesso . (a) voluntas . si in spartano voluntas sola peccandi , ( facto non commisso ) tem severe puniatur , quanto magis sceleratum factum sui perfidi amici puniendum sit ? (b) nam scelus . egregia sententia cum sacris literis conspirans ; ( i. e. ) qui apud se cogitavit & deliberavit scelus committere , reus est aequè arque si cogitatum feelus perpetrasset . (c) facti . apud deum revera qui animum respicit , scelera & mala facta , non ex se , vel per se , adeo mala sunt , quam quod ex malo animo profisciscuntur . (d) cedo. concedo quanto magis si sceleratus , suas impias meditationes in actum produxit punietur . (e) perpetua anxietas . ostendit conscientiam illius qui crimen admisit , continua , & pe●petua tormenta persentire . (a) velut . non'secus ao si acetum ex falerno vino acerrimum bibisset . (b) nocte ( i. est ) si sollicitudo cor urens ex mala conscientia , postquam diu multumque in lecto versavit , brevem somnum quod rectum non est vel saltem rarissimum , ipsi indulsit , paulo post conscientiâ exitatus rursus evigilat . (a) fateri . se scelus summum admisisse , & summa etiam poena dignum esse . (b) hi sunt . mali semper pevidi sant , & timent quoties fulgura audiunt , quae-à jove irato mitti gutant sceleratis puniendis . (a) fortuitu . casuex opinione epicuri . (b) nec ventorum rabie . cum illi violenter inter se confligunt , physici scribunt , quod ex collisione ventorum & nubium , non secus ut lapidum ignis eliciatur . (c) iratus . sceleribus hominum tanquam vindex eorundem . (d) et judicet . alii vindicet , ut supplicium de sceleratis sumat . (e) illanihil . tempestas praeterita nihil nocuit , proxima quae sequitur sollicitudine majori timetur ; hujus exemplum habuimus in caligula . (a) praeterea . praeterea si in pleuritida incidant , cujus calor somnum adimit , censent illum vindictae loco à deo immissum . (b) balantem . pro sanitate recupetanda ovem vel agnum offerre on audent . (c) cristam . gallorum diis gratissi●ae ' credebatur ' quà lares , & penates praecipoe plac●ti . et gallum ●●sculapio solvebat , qui convaluerat . (d) sperare . nocentes aegri miserri●●i sunt , quibu●spes negata●●● , quae omnibus hominibus relicta credebatur . (e) hostia . quae hostia adeo vilis est , quae pro sceleratorum vita mactari debeat , quae potius vivere debeat , quam homines impii & scelerati . (a) cum . ●●d perp●●●●●d●● sc●●us venerins , in calem ●●●●stamis perstant , abundat in illi● cons●●●●nem . (b) tamen . sibi sceleris ma●e ●o●iscie ●●fipi●èse volunt , non ra●●●● abstinere n●q●ui●●● , ad vicis pro●●i● d●icedine ●●m 〈◊〉 con●●●●●●ine capti & p●●pediti . (a) quando ille 〈◊〉 perfidus qui semes vercum●●● 〈…〉 li●●tes praeter●● 〈…〉 recipiet , queim ●●met de per●●●●●●●on●e dejecit . (b) quisnam . qui● est 〈◊〉 qui semel cum per●●●e●●● 〈◊〉 non hoc fromeiter de●●derat 〈◊〉 sum vitlum deficit 〈…〉 . (a) dabit pedibus vincietur olim 〈◊〉 signbitur qui te perside decepit . (b) uncum . ( i. e ) in renebricoso carcere unco ferreo constringetur ; vel potius sub unco carnificis ad s●alas gemonias . (c) aut . in insulum eju● maris ex●io deportabitur , intelligit gyaram 〈◊〉 cyc●●lus . (a) poena . crudeli et 〈◊〉 quam sceletatus dabit . (b) tandenquel . la●●●eris perjorum sui pe●cati deum plenrem semisse . (c) nec surdum . qui●●on an●liat peri●ria hominum , & preces oppre●●ore●● via 〈…〉 ●●i●ina●● 〈…〉 . (d) nec tiresiam . nec 〈…〉 tire●●●● . mr. hampdens speech, occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription b of text in the english short title catalog (wing d b). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo b wing d b interim tract supplement guide c. .f. [ ] ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. b ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books; tract supplement ; a : [ ]) mr. hampdens speech, occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir, - . sheet ([ ] p.). s.n., [london : ] attributed to sir john denham. imprint suggested by wing. verse: "but will you now to peace encline ..." reproduction of original in the british library. eng hampden, john, - -- poetry -- early works to . satire, english -- poetry -- early works to . peace -- poetry -- early works to . london (england) -- history -- th century -- early works to . great britain -- history -- civil war, - -- early works to . b (wing d b). civilwar no mr. hampdens speech, occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir d the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the d category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion mr. hampdens speech , occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace . but will you now to peace encline , and languish in the maine designe , and leave us in the lurch . i would not monarchy destroy , but onely as the way t' enjoy , the ruines of the church . is not the bishops bill deni'd , and we still threatned to be tri'd ? you see the king imbraces those counsels he approv'd before , nor does he promise which is more that we shall have their places . did i for this bring in the scot , ( for 't is no secret now ) the plot was say's and mine together ; did i for this returne againe ? and spent a winter then in vaine once more t' invite them hither . though more our money then our cause their brotherly assistance drawes , my labour was not lost ; at my returne i brought you thence necessity my strong pretence , and this shall quit your cost . did i for this my country bring , to helpe their knight against their king , and raise the first division ; yet i the businesse did decline though i contriv'd the whole designe , and taught them to petition . so many nights spent in the city in that invisible committee , the wheele that governs all ; from thence the change in church & state and all the mischiefes beares their date from haberdashers hall . did we force ireland to despaire ? upon the king to cast the war , to make the world abhor him ; because the rebels used his name , though we our selves can doe the same , while both alike are for him . then the same fire we kindle here whilst we pretend to quench that there , and wisely lost that nation ; to doe as crafty beggars use to maine themselves only t' abuse the simple mans compassion . have i so often past betweene winsor and westminster unseene ? and did my selfe divide , to keep his excellence in awe , and give the parliament the law , for they knew none beside . did i for this take paines to teach our zealous ignorance to preach , and did their lungs inspire ; read 'em their texts , shew'd them their parts and taught them all their little arts to fling abroad the sire . sometimes to beg , sometimes to threaten , then say the cavaleers are beaten , and stroake the peoples eares . and streight when victories grow cheap , and will no more advance the heap , to raise the price of feares . and now the books , and now the bells , and now our arts the preacher tells to edifie the people ; all our divinity is newes , and we have made of equall use the pulpit and the steeple . and shall we kindle all this flame , onely to put it out againe , and must we now give ore . and onely end where we begun , in vaine this mischiefe we have done , if we can do no more . if men in peace may have their right , where is this necessity to fight , and break both law and oath ? who say that they fight for the cause , 〈◊〉 to defend the king and laws , but ' ti● 〈…〉 them both . either the cause at fir●● 〈…〉 or being good it is so still , and thence they will in●●●erre ; that either now , or at the first they were deceived , or which is worst that we our selves may erre . but plague and famine will come in , for they and we are near of kin , and cannot goe asunder ; for while the wicked starve indeed , the saints have ready at their need gods providence and plunder . princes we are if we prevaile , and gallant villaines if we faile , when to our fame 't is told , it will not be our least of praise , when our new state we could not raise , we have destroy'd the old . then let us slay , fight , and vote till london be not worth a groat , oh 't is a patient beast , when we have gal'd and tir'd that mule , and can no longer have the rule , wee le have our spoyle at least . finis . an out-cry of poets; or, a catalogue of wits to be sold by inch of can.dle [sic], or otherways the sale begining next tuesday in the piazza in covent garden, about nine of the clock in the morning, and will last till seven at night. ouldman, thomas. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing o estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) an out-cry of poets; or, a catalogue of wits to be sold by inch of can.dle [sic], or otherways the sale begining next tuesday in the piazza in covent garden, about nine of the clock in the morning, and will last till seven at night. ouldman, thomas. sheet ([ ] p.) printed for j. harlow, london : . attributed to thomas ouldman by wing. reproduction of the original in the bodleian library, oxford. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng poets, english -- humor -- early works to . satire, english -- th century. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion an out-cry of poets ; or , a catalogue of wits to be sold by inch of candle , or otherways . the sale begining next tuesday in the piazza in covent garden , about nine of the clock in the morning , and will last till seven at night . . an excellent stuttering poet , fraught with great learning , good notions , quick conceptions , and n●at comedy , being an exquisite little fellow at a melancholly dirge , of a merry roundelay , and will be swopt with any bookseller for waste paper . . two modern parablists , highly skill'd in the estimable art of puzzling , having an extraordinary faculty of metamorphising m a into cuckoes , whales , bears , bulls , or dragons , &c. and are great abh●●rers of that monstrous prodigallity , topknots : will be sold for little or nothing . . a brawny fat poet , very nimble of tongue , quick of apprehension , high slown in tragedy , and a most dexterous fellow at a bartholomew-pair droll ; but being under the distemper of a c 〈…〉 s apetitus , will be sold so much the cheaper . . a gentleman of a vveak stomach , and of danish complexion , profoundly read in all arts and sciences , having a curious method of epitomizing ; being the author of a● hundred bound books , c●mmo●ly display'd , upon the railes in moor fields , where they may be read at any hour in the day , for your further instruction of his genius ●●sides , nature having bestow'd her secret blessings very plentifully upon him , makes him covet to be sold to some rich widdow , who if ●●e please to lay out her mony upon such a commodity , may be furnished upon a good consideration . . two of the athenian respondents , having broke their brains , in studying to answer , which is the upper part of the globe , are willing to be sold to the book-sellers in pye-corner , to regain the lost credit of the antient and renowned art of ballad making . . an illaborate news-monger , well read in the gazette , and in feltham's observation on the low countries , being now servant in ordinary to the sham master general , and chief leader of the lying pamphleteers , is now ready to resign his commission , and will be sold to any other printer that has furthor occasion . . mr. multum in parvo , a gentleman of low stature , but of high learning , whose guts lying too near his brains , by reason of his deformity , are apt to throw up excrementitious vapours into the transparent current of conception , that his good thoughts can seldom 〈◊〉 seen for his ill managements but for this fault we shall make abatement ; he will be sold by the pound , that we may have a price according to his ; bulk . if we find these go off well , our next auction shall furnish you with more variety . finis . london : printed for j. harlow , . paradoxes, problemes, essayes, characters written by dr. donne, dean of pauls ; to which is added a book of epigrams ; written in latin by the same author ; translated into english by j. maine d.d. ; as also, ignatius his conclave, a satyr, translated out of the originall copy written in latin by the same author, found lately amongst his own papers. donne, john, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing d estc r ocm this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) paradoxes, problemes, essayes, characters written by dr. donne, dean of pauls ; to which is added a book of epigrams ; written in latin by the same author ; translated into english by j. maine d.d. ; as also, ignatius his conclave, a satyr, translated out of the originall copy written in latin by the same author, found lately amongst his own papers. donne, john, - . mayne, jasper, - . [ ], p. printed by t.n. for humphrey mosely ... london : . imperfect: pages stained with loss of print. "ignatius his conclave" has special t.p. reproduction of original in the bodleian library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng epigrams, english. satire. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - amanda watson sampled and proofread - amanda watson text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion paradoxes , problemes , essayes , characters , written by d r donne dean of pauls : to which is added a book of epigrams : written in latin by the same author ; translated into english by i : maine , d. d. as also ignatius his conclave , a satyr , translated out of the originall copy written in latin by the same author ; found lately amongst his own papers . de iesuitorum dissidiis . quos pugnare , scholis , clamāt , hi , ( discite regna ) non sunt unanimes , conveniuntque nimis . london , printed by t : n : for humphrey moseley at the prince's armes in st pauls churchyard , . the table . paradoxes . i. a defence of womens inconstancy . ii. that women ought to paint iii. that by discord things increase . iv. that good is more common then evill v. that all things kill themselves vi. that it is possible to finde some vertue in some women . vii . that old men are more fantasticke then young. viii . that nature is our worst guide . ix . that only cowards dare lye , x. that a wise man is known by much laughing . xi . that the gifts of the body are better then those of the minde . xii . that virginity is a vertue . problems . i. why have bastards the best fortune . ii. why puritans make long sermons . iii. why did the devil reserve iesuites till these latter dayes . iv. why is there more variety of green then of other colours . v. why doe young lay-men so much study divinity . vi. why hath the common opinion afforded women souls . vii . why are the fairest falsest . viii . why venus-star only doth cast a shadow ? ix . why is venus-star multinominous , called both hesperus & vesper ? x. why are new officers least oppressing ? xi . vvhy doth the pox so much affect to undermine the nose ? xii . vvhy die none for love now ? xiii . vvhy doe women delight much in feathers ? xiv . vvhy doth not gold soyle the fingers ? ib. xv. vvhy doe great men of all dependants , choose to preserve their little pimps ? xvi . vvhy are courtiers sooner atheists , then men of other conditions ? xvii . vvhy are statesmen most incredulous ? characters . the character of a scot at the first sight . the true character of a dunce . an essay of valour , a sheaf of miscellany epigrams , ignatius nis conclave , ben. johnson to the author . who can doubt , donne , where i a poet bee ? when i dare send my epigrams to thee that so alone canst judge , so alone dost make : and in thy censures , evenly , dost take as free simplicitie , to disavow , as thou hast best authority t' allow : read all i send : and , if i finde but one mark'd by thy hand , and with the better stone my title 's seal'd . those that for claps do write , let punies , porters , players praise delight , and till they burst , their backs , like asses load : a man should seek great glory , and not broad . paradoxes . i. a defence of womens inconstancy . that women are inconstant , i with any man confess , but that inconstancy is a bad quality , i against any man will maintain : for every thing as it is one better than another , so is it fuller of change ; the heavens themselves continually turn , the stars move , the moon changeth ; fire whirleth , aire flyeth , water ebbs and flowes , the face of the earth altereth her looks , time staies not ; the colour that is most light , will take most dyes : so in men , they that have the most reason are the most inalterable in their designes , and the darkest or most ignorant , do seldomest change ; therfore women changing more than men , have also more reason . they cannot be immutable like stocks , like stones , like the earths dull center ; gold that lyeth still , rusteth ; water , corrupteth ; aire that moveth not , poysoneth ; then why should that which is the perfection of other things , be imputed to women as greatest imperfection ? because thereby they deceive men. are not your wits pleased with those jests , which cozen your expectation ? you can cal it pleasure to be beguil'd in troubles , and in the most excellent toy in the world , you call it treachery : i would you had your mistresses so constant , that they would never change , no not so much as their smocks , then should you see what sluttish vertue , constancy were . inconstancy is a most commendable and cleanly quality , and women in this quality are far more absolute than the heavens , than the stars , moon , or any thing beneath it ; for long observation hath pickt certainty out of their mutability . the learned are so well acquainted with the stars , signes and planets , that they make them but characters , to read the meaning of the heaven in his own forehead . every simple fellow can bespeak the change of the moon a great while beforehand : but i would fain have the learnedst man so skilfull , as to tell when the simplest woman meaneth to vary . learning affords no rules to know , much less knowledge to rule the minde of a woman . for as philosophy teacheth us , that light things do always tend upwards , and heavy things decline downward ; experience teacheth us otherwise , that the disposition of a light woman , is to fall down , the nature of women being contrary to all art and nature . women are like flies , which feed among us at our table , or fleas sucking our very blood , who leave not our most retired places free from their familiarity , yet for all their fellowship will they never be tamed nor commanded by us . women are like the sun , which is violently carried one way , yet hath a proper course contrary : so though they , by the mastery of some over-ruling churlish husbands , are forced to his byas , yet have they a motion of their own , which their husbands never know of : it is the nature of nice and fastidious mindes to know things only to be wary of them : women by their slye changeableness , and pleasing doubleness , prevent even the mislike of those , for they can never be so well known , but that there is still more unknown . every woman is a science ; for he that plods upon a woman all his life long , shall at length finde himself short of the knowledge of her : they are born to take down the pride of wit , and ambition of wisdom , making fools wise in the adventuring to win them , wisemen fools in conceit of losing their labours ; witty men stark mad , being confounded with their uncertainties . philosophers write against them for spight , not desert , that having attained to some knowledge in all other things , in them only they know nothing , but are meerly ignorant : active and experienced men rail against them , because they love in their liveless and decrepit age , when all goodness leaves them . these envious libellers ballad against them , because having nothing in themselvs able to deserve their love , they maliciously discommend all they cannot obtain , thinking to make men believe they know much , because they are able to dispraise much , and rage against inconstancy , when they were never admitted into so much favour as to be forsaken . in mine opinion such men are happie that women are inconstant , for so may they chance to be beloved of some excellent woman when it comes to their turn out of their inconstancy and mutability , though not out of their own desert . and what reason is there to clog any woman with one man , be he never so singular ? women had rather , and it is far better and more judicial to enjoy all the vertues in several men , than but some of them in one , for otherwise they lose their taste , like divers sorts of meat minced together in one dish : and to have all excellencies in one man ( if it were possible ) is confusion and diversity . now who can deny , but such as are obstinately bent to undervalue their worth , are those that have not soul enough to comprehend their excellency , women being the most excellent creatures , in that man is able to subject all things else , and to grow wise in every thing , but still persists a fool in woman ? the greatest scholler , if he once take a wife , is found so unlearned , that he must begin his horn-book , and all is by inconstancy . to conclude therefore ; this name of inconstancy , which hath so much been poysoned with slanders , ought to be changed into variety , for the which the world is so delightfull , and a woman for that the most delightfull thing in this world . ii. that women ought to paint . foulness is lothsome : can that be so which helps it ? who forbids his beloved to gird in her waste ? to mend by shooing her uneven lameness ? to burnish her teeth ? or to perfume her breath ? yet that the face be more precisely regarded , it concerns more : for as open confessing sinners are always punished , but the wary and concealing offenders without witness , do it also without punishment ; so the secret parts needs the less respect ; but of the face , discovered to all examinations and surveys , there is not too nice a jealousie . nor doth it only draw the busie eyes , but it is subject to the divinest touch of all , to kissing , the strange and mystical union of souls . if she should prostitute her self to a more unworthy man than thy self , how earnestly and justly wouldst thou exclaim ? that for want of this easier and ready way of repairing , tobetray her body to ruine and deformity ( the tyrannous ravishers , and sodain deflourers of all women ) what a hainous adultery is it ? what thou lovest in her face is colour , and painting gives that , but thou hatest it , not because it is , but because thou knowest it . fool , whom ignorance makes happy , the stars , the sun , the skye whom thou admirest , alas , have no colour , but are fair , because they seem to be coloured : if this seeming will not satisfie thee in her , thou hast good assurance of her colour , when thou seest her lay it on . if her face be painted on a board or wall , thou wilt love it , and the board , and the wall : canst thou loath it then when it speaks , smiles , and kisses , because it is painted ? are we not more delighted with seeing birds , fruits , and beasts painted then we are with naturals ? and do we not with pleasure behold the painted shape of monsters and devils , whom true , we durst not regard ? we repair the ruines of our houses , but first cold tempests warns us of it , and bites us through it ; we mend the wrack and stains of our apparel , but first our eyes , and other bodies are offended ; but by this providence of women , this is prevented . if in kissing or breathing upon her , the painting fall off , thou art angry , wilt thou be so , if it stick on ? thou didst love her , if thou beginnest to hate her , then 't is because she is not painted . if thou wilt say now , thou didst hate her before , thou didst hate her and love her together , be constant in something , and love her who shews her great love to thee , in taking this pains to seem lovely to thee . iii. that by discord things increase . nullos esse deos , inane coelum affirmat coelius , probatque quod se factum vidit , dum negat haec , beatum . so i assevere this the more boldly , because while i maintain it , and feel the contrary repugnancies and adverse fightings of the elements in my body , my body increaseth ; and whilst i differ from common opinions by this discord , the number of my paradoxes increaseth . all the rich benefits we can frame to our selves in concord , is but an even conservation of things ; in which evenness vve can expect no change , no motion ; therefore no increase or augmentation , which is a member of motion . and if this unity and peace can give increase to things , how mightily is discord and war to that purpose , which are indeed the only ordinary parents of peace . discord is never so barren that it affords no fruit ; for the fall of one estate is at the worst the increaser of another , because it is as impossible to finde a discommodity without advantage , as to finde corruption without generation : but it is the nature and office of concord to preserve onely , which property when it leaves , it differs from it self , which is the greatest discord of all . all victories and emperies gained by war , and all iudiciall decidings of doubts in peace , i do claim children of discord . and who can deny but controversies in religion are grown greater by discord , and not the controversie , but religion it self : for in a troubled misery men are always more religious then in a secure peace . the number of good men , the only charitable nourishers of concord , we see is thin , and daily melts and wains ; but of bad discording it is infinite , and growes hourly . we are ascertained of all disputable doubts , only by arguing and differing in opinion , and if formal disputation ( which is but a painted , counterfeit , and dissembled discord ) can work us this benefit , what shall not a full and main discord accomplish ? truely me thinks i owe a devotion , yea a sacrifice to discord , for casting that ball upon ida , and for all that business of troy , whom ruin'd i admire more then babylon , rome , or quinzay , removed corners , not only fulfilled with her fame , but with cities and thrones planted by her fugitives . lastly , between cowardice and despair , valour is gendred ; and so the discord of extreams begets all vertues , but of the like things there is no issue without a miracle : vxor pessima , pessimus maritus miror tam malè convenire . he wonders that between two so like , there could be any discord , yet perchance for all this discord there was ne're the less increase . iv. that good is more common then evil. i have not been so pittifully tired with any vanity , as with silly old mens exclaiming against these times , and extolling their own : alas ! they betray themselves , for if the times be changed , their manners have changed them . but their senses are to pleasures , as sick mens tastes are to liquors ; for indeed no new thing is done in the world , all things are what , and as they were , and good is as ever it was , more plenteous , and must of necessity be more common then evil , because it hath this for nature and perfection to be common . it makes love to all natures , all , all affect it . so that in the worlds early infancy , there was a time when nothing was evil , but if this world shall suffer dotage in the extreamest crookedness thereof , there shall be no time when nothing shall be good . it dares appear and spread , and glister in the world , but evil buries it self in night and darkness , and is chastised and suppressed when good is cherished and rewarded and as imbroderers , lapidaries , and other artisans , can by all things adorn their works ; for by adding better things , the better they shew in lush and in eminency ; so good doth not only prostrate her amiableness to all , but refuses no end , no not of her utter contrary evil , that she may be the more common to us . for evil manners are parents of good laws ; and in every evil there is an excellency , which ( in common speech ) we call good . for the fashions of habits , for our moving in gestures , for phrases in our speech , we say they were good as long as they were used , that is as long as they were common ; and we eat , we walk , only when it is , or seems good to do so . all fair , all profitable , all vertuous , is , good , and these three things i think imbrace all things , but their utter contraries ; of which also fair may be rich and vertuous ; poor may be vertuous and fair ; vitious may be fair and rich ; so that good hath this good means to be common , that some subjects she can possess intirely ; and in subjects poysoned with evil , she can humbly stoop to accompany the evil . and of indifferent things many things are become perfectly good by being common , as customs by use are made binding laws . but i remember nothing that is therefore ill , because it is common , but women , of whom also ; they that are most common , are the best of that occupation they profess . v. that all things kill themselves . to affect , yea to effect their own death all living things are importuned , not by nature only which perfects them , but by art and education , which perfects her . plants quickened and inhabited by the most unworthy soul , which therefore neither will nor work , affect an end , a perfection , a death ; this they spend their spirits to attain , this attained , they languish and wither . and by how much more they are by mans industry warmed , cherished and pampered ; so much the more early they climb to this perfection , this death . and if amongst men not to defend be to kill , what a hainous self , murther is it , not to defend it self . this defence because beasts neglect , they kill themselves , because they exceed us in number , strength , and a lawless liberty : yea , of horses and other beasts , they that inherit most courage by being bred of gallantest parents , and by artificial nursing are bettered , will run to their own deaths , neither sollicited by spurs which they need not , nor by honour which they apprehend not . if then the valiant kill himself , who can excuse the coward ? or how shall man be free from this , since the first man taught us this , except we cannot kill our selves , because he kill'd us all . yet least something should repair this common ruine , we daily kill our bodies with surfeits , and our minds with anguishes . of our powers , remembring kils our memory : of affections , lusting our lust ; of vertues , giving kils liberality . and if these kil themselves , they do it in their best and supream perfection : for after perfection immediately follows excess , which changeth the natures and the names , and makes them not the same things . if then the best things kill themselves soonest , ( for no affection endures , and all things labour to this perfection ) all travel to their own death , yea the frame of the whole world , if it were possible for god to be idle , yet because it began , must die . then in this idleness imagined in god , what could kill the world but it self , since out of it , nothing is ? vi. that it is possible to finde some vertue in some women . i am not of that seard impudence that i dare defend women , or pronounce them good , yet we see physitians allow some vertue in every poyson . alas ! why should we except women ? since cerrtainly they are good for physick at least , so as some wine is good for a feaver . and though they be the occasioners of many sins , they are also the punishers and revengers of the same sins : for i have seldom seen one which consumes his substance and body upon them , escape diseases , or beggery ; and this is their justice . and if suum cuique dare , be the fulfilling of all civil iustice , they are most just ; for they deny that which is theirs to no man , tanquam non liceat nulla puella negat . and who may doubt of great wisdome in them , that doth but observe with how much labour and cunning our iusticers and other dispensers of the laws studie to imbrace them : and how zealously our preachers dehort men from them , only by urging their subtilties and policies , and wisdom , which are in them ? or who can deny them a good measure of fortitude , if he consider how valiant men they have overthrown , and being themselvs overthrown , how much and how patiently they bear ? and though they be most intemperate , i care not , for i undertook to furnish them with some vertue , not with all . necessity , which makes even bad things good , prevails also for them , for we must say of them , as of some sharp pinching laws ; if men were free from infirmities , they were needless . these or none must serve for reasons , and it is my great happiness that examples prove not rules , for to confirm this opinion , the world yeilds not one example . vii . that old men are more fantastick then young. who reads this paradox but thinks me more fantastick now , than i was yesterday , when i did not think thus : and if one day make this sensible change in men , what will the burthen of many years ? to be fantastick in young men is conceitfull distemperature , and a witty madness ; but in old men , whose senses are withered , it becomes natural , therfore more full and perfect . for as when we sleep our fancy is most strong ; so it is in age , which is a slumber of the deep sleep of death . they tax us of inconstancy , which in themselves young they allowed ; so that reproving that which they did approve , their inconstancy exceedeth ours , because they have changed once more then we . yea , they are more idlely busied in conceited apparel than we ; for we , when we are melancholy , wear black ; when lusty , green ; when forsaken , tawny ; pleasing our own inward affections , leaving them to others indifferent ; but they prescribe laws , and constrain the noble , the scholler , the merchant , and all estates to a certain habit . the old men of our time have changed with patience their own bodies , much of their laws , much of their languages ; yea their religion , yet they accuse us . to be amorous is proper and natural in a young man , but in an old man most fantastick . and that ridling humour of iealousie , which seeks and would not finde , which requires and repents his knowledg , is in them most common , yet most fantastike . yea , that which falls never in young men , is in them most fantastike and naturall , that is , covetousnesse ; even at their journeys end to make great provision . is any habit of young men so fantastike , as in the hottest seasons to be double-gowned or hooded like our elders ? or seemes it so ridiculous to weare long haire , as to weare none . truely , as among the philosophers , the skeptike , which doubts all , was more contentious , then either the dogmatick which affirmes , or academike which denies all ; so are these uncertain elders , which both cals them fantastick which follow others inventions , and them also which are led by their own humorous suggestion , more fantastick then other . viii . that nature is our worst guid. shall she be guide to all creatures , which is her self one ? or if she also have a guide , shall any creature have a better guide then we ? the affections of lust and anger , yea even to err is natural , shall we follow these ? can she be a good guide to us , which hath corrupted not us only but her self ? was not the first man , by the desire of knowledge , corrupted even in the whitest integrity of nature ? and did not nature , ( if nature did any thing ) infuse into him this desire of knowledge , and so this corruption in him , into us ? if by nature we shall understand our essence , our definition or reason , nobleness , then this being alike common to all ( the idiot and the wizard being equally reasonable ) why should not all men having equally all one nature , follow one course ? or if we shall understand our incli nations : alas ! how unable a guide is that which follows the temperature of our slimie bodies ? for we cannot say that we derive our inclinations , our minds , or souls from our parents by any way : to say that it is all from all , is error in reason , for then with the first nothing remains , or is a part from all , is error in experience , for then this part equally imparted to many children , would like gavel-kind lands , in few generations become nothing : or to say it by communication , is error in divinity , for to communicate the ability of communicating whole essence with any but god , is utter blasphemy . and if thou hit thy fathers nature and inclination , he also had his fathers , and so climbing up , all comes of one man , and have one nature , all shall imbrace one course ; but that cannot be , therefore our complexions and whole bodies , we inherit from parents ; our inclinations and minds follow that : for our minde is heavy in our bodies afflictions , and rejoyceth in our bodies pleasure : how then shall this nature governe us that is governed by the worst part of us ? nature though oft chased away , it will return ; 't is true , but those good motions and inspirations which be our guides must be wooed , courted , and welcomed , or else they abandon us . and that old axiome , nihil invita , &c. must not be said thou shalt , but thou wilt doe nothing against nature ; so unwilling he notes us to curbe our naturall appetites . wee call our bastards alwayes our naturall issue and we define a foole by nothing so ordinary , as by the name of naturall . and that poore knowledg whereby we conceive what rain is , what wind , what thunder , we call metaphysicke , supernaturall ; such small things , such no things do we allow to our pliant natures apprehension . lastly , by following her we lose the pleasant , and lawfull commodities of this life , for we shall drinke water and eate rootes , and those not sweet and delicate , as now by mans art and industry they are made : we shall lose all the necessities of societies , lawes , arts , and sciences , which are all the workemanship of man : yea we shall lack the last best refuge of misery , death , because no death is naturall : for if yee will not dare to call all death violent ( though i see not why sicknesses be not violences ) yet causes of all deaths proceed of the defect of that which nature made perfect , and would preserve ; and therefore all against nature . ix . that only cowards dare die . extreames are equally removed from the meane ; so that headlong desperatenesse asmuch offends true valour , as backward cowardice : of which sort i reckon justly all un-inforced deaths . when will your valiant man die of necessity ? so cowards suffer what cannot be avoided : and to run into death unimportun'd is to run into the first condemned de sperateness . will he die when he is rich and happie ? then by living he may do more good : and in afflictions and miseries , death is the chosen refuge of cowards . fortiter ille facit qui miser esse potest . but it is taught and practised among our gallants , that rather than our reputations suffer any maim , or we any misery , we shall offer our breasts to the cannons mouth , yea to our swords points : and this seems a very brave and a very climbing ( which is a cowardly , earthly , and indeed a very groveling ) spirit . vvhy do they chain these slaves to the gallies , but that they thrust their deaths , and would at every loose leap into the sea ? vvhy do they take weapons from condemned men , but to barr them of that ease which cowards affect , a speedy death . truely this life is a tempest , and a warfare , and he which dares die , to escape the anguish of it , seems to me , but so valiant , as he which dares hang himself , least he be prest to the wars . i have seen one in that extremity of melancholy , which was then become madness , to make his own breath an instrument to stay his breath , and labour to choak himself ; but alas ! he was mad . and we knew another that languished under the oppression of a poor disgrace , so much , that he took more pains to die , then would have served to have nourished life and spirit enough to have out-liv'd his disgrace . vvhat fool will call this cowardlyness , valour ? or this baseness , humility ? and lastly , of these men which die the allegoricall death of entring into religion , how few are found fit for any shew of valiancy ? but onely a soft and supple metal , made only for cowardly solitariness . x. that a wise man is known by much laughing . ridi , si sapis , ô puella ride ; if thou beest wise , laugh : for since the powers of discourse , reason , and laughter , be equally proper unto man only , why shall not he be only most wise , which hath most use of laughing , as well as he which hath most of reasoning and discoursing ? i always did , and shall understand that adage ; per risum multum possis cognoscere stultum , that by much laughing thou maist know there is a fool , not , that the laughers are fools , but that among them there is some fool , at whom wise men laugh : which moved erasmus to put this as his first argument in the mouth of his folly , that she made beholders laugh : for fools are the most laughed at , and laugh the least themselves of any . and nature saw this faculty to be so necessary in man , that she hath been content that by more causes we should be importuned to laugh , than to the exercise of any other power ; for things in themselves utterly contrary , beget this effect ; for we laugh both at witty and absurd things : at both which sorts i have seen men laugh so long , and so earnestly , that at last they have wept that they could laugh no more . and therefore the poet having described the quietness of a wise retired man , saith in one , what we have said before in many lines ; quid facit canius tuus ? ridet . we have received that even the extremity of laughing , yea of weeping also , hath been accounted wisdom : and that democritus and heraclitus , the lovers of these extreams , have been called lovers of wisdom . now among our wise men i doubt not but many would be found , who would laugh at heraclitus weeping , none which weep at democritus laughing . at the hearing of comedies or other witty reports , i have noted some , which not understanding jests ; &c. have yet chosen this as the best means to seem wise and understanding , to laugh when their companions laugh ; and i have presumed them ignorant , whom i have seen unmoved . a fool if he come into a princes court , and see a gay man leaning at the wall , so glistring , and so painted in many colours that he is hardly discerned from one of the pictures in the arras , hanging his body like an iron-bound chest , girt in and thick rib'd with broad gold laces , may ( and commonly doth ) envy him . but alas ! shall a wise man , which may not only not envy , but not pitty this monster , do nothing ? yes , let him laugh . and if one of these hot cholerick firebrands , which nourish themselves by quarrelling , and kindling others , spit upon a fool one sparke of disgrace , he , like a thatcht house quickly burning , may be angry ; but the wise man , as cold as the salamander , may not only not be angry with him , but not be sorry for him ; therefore let him laugh : so he shall be known a man , because he can laugh , a wise man that he knows at what to laugh , and a valiant man that he dares laugh : for he that laughs is justly reputed more wise , then at whom it is laughed . and hence i think proceeds that which in these later formal times i have much noted ; that now when our superstitious civilitie of manners is become a mutuall tickling flattery of one another , almost every man affecteth an humour of jesting , and is content to be deject , and to deform himself , yea become fool to no other end that i can spie , but to give his wise companion occasion to laugh ; and to shew themselves in promptness of laughing is so great in wise men , that i think all wise men , if any wise man do read this paradox , will laugh both at it and me . xi . that the gifts of the body are better then those of the minde . i say again , that the body makes the minde , not that it created it a minde , but forms it a good or a bad minde ; and this minde may be confounded with soul without any violence or injustice to reason or philosophy : then the soul it seems is enabled by our body , not this by it . my body licenseth my soul to see the worlds beauties through mine eyes : to hear pleasant things through mine ears ; and affords it apt organs for the convenience of all perceivable delight . but alas ! my soul cannot make any part , that is not of it self disposed to see or hear , though without doubt she be as able and as willing to see behinde as before . now if my soul would say , that she enables any part to taste these pleasures , but is her selfe only delighted with those rich sweetnesses which her inward eyes and senses apprehend , shee should dissemble ; for i see her often solaced with beauties , which shee sees through mine eyes , and with musicke which through mine eares she heares . this perfection then my body hath , that it can impart to my minde all his pleasures ; and my mind hath still many , that she can neither teach my indisposed part her faculties , nor to the best espoused parts shew it beauty of angels , of musicke , of spheres , whereof she boasts the contemplation . are chastity , temperance , and fortitude gifts of the minde ? i appeale to physitians whether the cause of these be not in the body ; health is the gift of the body , and patience in sicknesse the gift of the minde : then who will say that patience is as good a happinesse , as health , when wee must be extremely miserable to purchase this happinesse . and for nourishing of civill societies and mutuall love amongst men , which is our chief end while we are men ; i say , this beauty , presence , and proportion of the body , hath a more masculine force in begetting this love , then the vertues of the minde : for it strikes us suddenly , and possesseth us immoderately ; when to know those vertues require some iudgement in him which shall discerne , a long time and conversation between them . and even at last how much of our faith and beleefe shal we be driven to bestow , to assure our selves that these vertues are not counterfeited : for it is the same to be , and seem vertuous , because that he that hath no vertue can dissemble none , but he which hath a little , may gild and enamell , yea and transforme much vice into vertue : for allow a man to be discreet and flexible to complaints , which are great vertuous gifts of the minde , this discretion will be to him the soule and elixir of all vertues , so that touched with this even pride shall be made humility ; and cowardice , honourable and wise valour . but in things seen there is not this danger , for the body which thou lovest and esteemest faire , is faire : certainly if it be not faire in perfection , yet it is faire in the same degree that thy iudgment is good . and in a faire body , i do seldom suspect a disproportioned minde , and as seldome hope for a good in a deformed . when i see a goodly house , i assure my selfe of a worthy possessour , from a ruinous weather-beaten building i turn away , because it seems either stuffed with varlots as a prison , or handled by an unworthy and negligent tenant , that so suffers the wast therof . and truly the gifts of fortune , which are riches , are only handmaids , yea pandars of the bodies pleasure ; with their service we nourish health , and preserve dainty , and wee buy delights so that vertue which must be loved for it selfe , and respects no further end , is indeed nothing : and riches , whose end is the good of the body , cannot be so perfectly good , as the end whereto it levels . problems . i. why have bastards best fortune ? because fortune her self is a whore , but such are not most indulgent to their issue ; the old natural reason ( but those meeting in stoln love are most vehement , and so contribute more spirit then the easie and lawfull ) might govern me , but that now i see mistresses are become domestick and in ordinary , and they and wives wait but by turns , and agree as well as they had lived in the ark. the old moral reason ( that bastards inherit wickedness from their parents , and so are in a better way to preferment by having a stock before-hand , then those that build all their fortune upon the poor and weak stock of original sin ) might prevail with me , but that since we are fallen into such times , as now the world might spare the devil , because she could be bad enough without him . i see men scorn to be wicked by example , or to be beholding to others for their damnation . it seems reasonable , that since laws rob them of succession in civil benefits , they should have something else equivalent . as nature ( which is laws pattern ) having denyed women constancy to one , hath provided them with cunning to allure many ; and so bastards de jure should have better wits and experience . but besides that by experience we see many fools amongst them , we should take from them one of their chiefest helps to preferment , and we should deny them to be fools : and ( that which is only left ) that women chuse worthier men then their husbands , is false de facto : either then it must be that the church having removed them from all place in the publick service of god , they have better means than others to be wicked , and so fortunate : or else because the two greatest powers in this world , the devil and princes concur to their greatness : the one giving bastardy , the other legitimation : as nature frames and conserves great bodies of contraries . or the cause is , because they abound most at court , which is the forge where fortunes are made , or at least the shop where they be sold. ii. why puritans make long sermons it needs not for perspicuousness , for god knows they are plain enough : nor do all of them use sem-brief-accents , for some of them have crotchets enough . it may be they intend not to rise like glorious tapers and torches , but like thin-wretched-sick-watching-c●…s , which languish and are in a divine consumption from the first minute , yea in their snuff , and stink , when others are in their more profitable glory . i have thought sometimes , that out of conscience , they allow long measure to course ware . and sometimes , that usurping in that place a liberty to speak freely of kings , they would reigne as long as they could . but now i think they do it out of a zealous imagination , that , it is their duty to preach on till their auditory wake . iii. why did the divel reserve iesuites till these latter dayes . did he know that our age would deny the devils possessing , and therefore provided by these to possesse men and kingdomes ? or to end the disputation of schoolmen , why the divel could not make lice in egypt ; and whether those things bee presented there , might be true ; hath he sent us a true and reall plague , worse than those ten ? or in o●…ntation of the greatness of his kingdome , which even division cannot shake , doth he send us these which disagree with all the rest ? or knowing that our times should discover the indies , and abolish their idolatry , doth he send these to give them another for it ? or peradventure they have been in the roman church these thousand yeeres , though we have called them by other names . iv. why is there more variety of green then of other colours ? it is because it is the figure of youth wherin nature would provide as many green , as youth hath affections ; and so present a sea-green for profuse wasters in voyages ; a grasse-green for sudden new men enobled from grasiers ; and a goose-green for such polititians as pretend to preserve the capitol . or else prophetically foreseeing an age , wherein they shall all hunt . and for such as misdemeane themselves a willo-green ; for magistrates must aswell have fasces born before them to chastize the small offences , as secures to cut off the great . v. why do young lay-men so much study divinity . is it because others tending busily churches preferment , neglect study ? or had the church of rome shut up all our wayes , till the lutherans broke down their uttermost stubborn doores , and the calvinists picked their inwardest and subtlest lockes ? surely the devill cannot be such a foole to hope that he shall make this study contemptible , by making it common . nor that as the dwellers by the river origus are said ( by drawing infinite ditches to sprinkle their barren country ) to have exhausted and intercepted their main channell , and so lost their more profitable course to the sea ; so we , by providing every ones selfe , divinity enough for his own use , should neglect our teachers and fathers . he cannot hope for better heresies then hee hath had , nor was his kingdome ever so much advanced by debating religion ( though with some aspersions of error ) as by a dull and stupid security , in which many gross things are swallowed . possible out of such an ambition as we have now , to speake plainly and fellow-like with lords and kings , we thinke also to acquaint our selves with gods secrets : or perchance when we study it by mingling humane respects , it is not divinity . vi. why hath the common opinion afforded women soules ? it is agreed that we have not so much from them as any part of either our mortal soules of sense or growth ; and we deny soules to others equall to them in all but in speech for which they are beholding to their bodily instruments for perchance an oxes heart , or a goates , or a foxes , or a serpents would speake just so , if it were in the breast , and could move that tongue and jawes . have they so many advantages and means to hurt us ( for , ever their loving destroyed us ) that we dare not displease them , but give them what they will ? and so when some call them angels , some goddesses , and the palpulian hereticks made them bishops , we descend so much with the stream , to allow them soules ? or do we somewhat ( in this dignifying of them ) flatter princes and great personages that are so much governed by them ? or do we in that easiness and prodigality , wherein we daily lose our own souls to we care not whom , so labour to perswade our selves , that sith a woman hath a soul , a soul is no great matter ? or do we lend them souls but for use , since they for our sakes , give their souls again , and their bodies to boot ? or perchance because the devil ( who is all soul ) doth most mischief , and for convenience and proportion , because they would come nearer him , we allow them some souls ; and so as the romans naturalized some provinces in revenge , and made them romans , only for the burthen of the common-wealth ; so we have given women souls only to make them capable of damnation ? vii . why are the fairest falsest . i mean not of fals alchimy beauty , for then the question should be inverted , why are the falsest fairest ? it is not only because they are much solicited and sought for , so is gold , yet it is not so common ; and this suit to them , should teach them their value , and make them more reserved . nor is it because the delicatest blood hath the best spirits , for what is that to the flesh ? perchance such constitutions have the best wits , and there is no proportionable subject , for womens wit , but deceit ? doth the minde so follow the temperature of the body , that because those complexions are aptest to change , the mind is therefore so ? or as bels of the purest metal retain their tinkling and sound largest ; so the memory of the last pleasure lasts longer in these , and disposeth them to the next : but sure it is not in the complexion , for those that do but think themselvs fair , are presently inclined to this multiplicity of loves , which being but fair in conceit are false in deed : and so perchance when they are born to this beauty , or have made it , or have dream'd it , they easily believe all addresses and applications of every man , out of a sense of their own worthiness to be directed to them , which others less worthy in their own thoughts apprehend not , or discredit . but i think the true reason is , that being like gold in many properties ( as that all snatch at them , but the worst possess them , that they care not how deep we dig for them , and that by the law of nature , occupandi conceditur ) they would be like also in this , that as gold to make it self of use admits allay , so they , that they may be tractable , mutable , and currant , have to their allay falshood . viii . why venus-star only doth cast a shadow ? is it because it is nearer the earth ? but they whose profession it is to see that nothing be done in heaven without their consent ( as re — says in himself of astrologers ) have bid mercury to be nearer . is it because the works of venus want shadowing , covering , and disguising ? but those of mercury need it more ; for eloquence , his occupation , is all shadow and colours ; let our life be a sea , and then our reason and even on s are winde enough to carry us whether we should go , but eloquence is a storm and tempest that miscarries : and who doubts that eloquence which must perswade people to take a yoke of soveraignty ( and then beg and make laws to tye them faster , and then give money to the invention , repair and strengthen it ) needs more shadows and colouring , then to perswade any man or woman to that which is natural . and venus markets are so natural , that when we solicite the best way ( which is by marriage ) our perswasions work not so much to draw a woman to us , as against her nature to draw her from all other besides . and so when we go against nature , and from venus-work ( for marriage is chastitie ) we need shadowes and colours , but not else . in seneca's time it was a course , an un - roman and a contemptible thing even in a matron , not to have had a love beside her husband , which though the law required not at their hands , yet they did it zealously out of the councel of custom and fashion , which was venery of supererrogation : et te spectator plusquam delectat adulter , saith martial : and horace , because many lights would not shew him enough , created many images of the same object by wainscoting his chamber with looking-glasses : so that venus flies not light , so much as mercury , who creeping into our understanding , our darkness would be defeated , if he were perceived . then either this shadow confesseth that same dark melancholy repentance which accompanies ; or that so violent fires , needs some shadowy refreshing and intermission : or else light signifying both day and youth , and shadow both night and age , she pronounceth by this that she professeth both all persons and times . ix . why is venus-star multinominous , called both hesperus and vesper . the moon hath as many names , but not as she is a star , but as she hath divers governments ; but venus is multinominous to give example to her prostitute disciples , who so often , either to renew or refresh themselves towards lovers , or to disguise themselves from magistrates , are to take new names . it may be she takes new names after her many functions , for as she is supream monarch of all suns at large ( which is lust ) so is she joyned in commission with all mythologicks , with iuno , diana , and all others for marriage . it may be because of the divers names to her self , for her affections have more names than any vice : scilicet , pollution , fornication , adultery , lay. incest , church-incest , rape , sodomy , mastupration , masturbation , and a thousand others . perchance her divers names shewed her appliableness to divers men , for neptune distilled and wet her in love , the sun warms and melts her , mercury perswaded and swore her , iupiters authority secured , and vulcan hammer'd her . as hesperus she presents you with her bonum utile , because it is wholsomest in the morning : as vesper with her bonum delectabile , because it is pleasantest in the evening . and because industrious men rise and endure with the sun in their civil businesses , this star cals them up a little before , and remembers them again a little after for her business ; for certainly , venit hesperus , ite capell●…e : was spoken to lovers in the persons of goats . x. why are new officers least oppressing ? must the old proverb , that old dogs bite sorest , be true in all kinde of dogs ? me thinks the fresh memory they have of the money they parted with for the place , should hasten them for the re-imbursing : and perchance they do but seem easier to their suiters ; who ( as all other patients ) do account all change of pain , easie . but if it be so , it is either because the sodain sense and contentment of the honor of the place , retards and remits the rage of their profits , and so having stayed their stomacks , they can forbear the second course a while : or having overcome the steepest part of the hill , and clambered above competitions and oppositions they dare loiter , and take breath : perchance being come from places , where they tasted no gain , a little seems much to them at first , for it is long before a christian conscience overtakes , or straies into an officers heart . it may be that out of the general disease of all men not to love the memory of a predecessor , they seek to disgrace them by such easiness , and make good first impressions , that so having drawn much water to their mill , they may afterwards grind at ease : for if from the rules of good horfemanship , they thought it wholsome to jet out in a moderate pace , they should also take up towards their journeys end , not mend their pace continually , and gallop to their inns-dore , the grave ; except perchance their conscience at that time so touch them that they think it an injury & damage both to him that must sell , and to him that must buy the office after their death , and a kind of dilapidation if they by continuing honest should discredit the place , and bring it to a lower rent , or under-value . xi . why doth the poxe soe much affect to undermine the nose ? paracelsus perchance saith true , that every disease hath his exaltation in some part certaine . but why this in the nose ? is there so much mercy in this disease , that it provides that one should not smell his own stinck ? or hath it but the common fortune , that being begot and bred in obscurest and secretest places , because therefore his serpentine crawling and insinuation should not be suspected , nor seen , he comes soonest into great place , and is more able to destroy the worthiest member , then a disease better born ? perchance as mice defeat elephants by knawing their proboscis , which is their nose , this wretched indian vermine practiseth to doe the same upon us . or as the ancient furious custome and connivency of some lawes , that one might cut off their nose whome he deprehended in adulterie , was but a tipe of this ; and that now more charitable lawes having taken away all revenge from particular hands , this common magistrate and executioner is come to doe the same office invisibly ? or by withdrawing this conspicuous part , the nose , it warnes us from all adventuring upon that coast ; for it is as good a marke to take in a flag as to hang one out . possibly heate , which is more potent and active then cold , thought her selfe injured , and the harmony of the world out of tune , when cold was able to shew the high-way to noses in muscovia , except she found the meanes to doe the same in other countries . or because by the consent of all , there is an analogy , proportion and affection between the nose and that part where this disease is first contracted , and therefore heliogabalus chose not his minions in the bath but by the nose ; and albertus had a knavish meaning when he preferd great noses ; and the licentious poet was naso poeta . i think this reason is nearest truth , that the nose is most compassionate with this part : except this be nearer , that it is reasonable that this disease in particular should affect the most eminent and perspicuous part , which in general doth affect to take hold of the most eminent and conspicuous men . xii . why die none for love now ? because women are become easyer . or because these later times have provided mankind of more new means for the destroying of themselves and one another , pox , gunpowder , young marriages , and controversies in religion . or is there in true history no precedent or example of it ? or perchance some die so , but are not therefore worthy the remembring or speaking of ? xiii . why do women delight much in feathers ? they think that feathers imitate wings , and so shew their restlessness and instability . as they are in matter , so they would be in name , like embroiderers , painters , and such artificers of curious vanities , which the vulgar call pluminaries . or else they have feathers upon the same reason , which moves them to love the unworthiest men , which is , that they may be thereby excusable in their inconstancy and often changing . xiv . why doth not gold soyl the fingers ? doth it direct all the venom to the heart ? or is it because bribing should not be discovered ? or because that should pay purely , for which pure things are given , as love , honor , iustice and heaven ? or doth it seldom come into innocent hands , but into such as for former foulness you cannot discern this ? xv. why do great men of all dependants , chuse to preserve their little pimps ? it is not hecause they are got nearest their secrets , for they whom they bring come nearer . nor because commonly they and their bawds have lain in one belly , for then they should love their brothers aswel . nor because they are witnesses of their weakness , for they are weak ones . either it is because they have a double hold and obligation upon their masters for providing them surgery and remedy after , aswel as pleasure before , and bringing them always such stuff , as they shal always need their service ? or because they may be received and entertained every where , and lords fling off none but such as they may destroy by it . or perchance we deceive our selves , and every lord having many , and , of necessity , some rising , we mark only these . xvi . why are courtiers sooner atheists then men of other conditions ? is it because as physitians contemplating nature , and finding many abstruse things subject to the search of reason , thinks therfore that all is so ; so they ( seeing mens destinies , mad at court , neck out and in joynt there , war , peace , life and death derived from thence ) climb no higher ? or doth a familiarity with greatness , and daily conversation and acquaintance with it breed a contempt of all greatness ? or because that they see that opinion or need of one another , and fear makes the degrees of servants , lords and kings , do they think that god likewise for such reason hath been mans creator ? perchance it is because they see vice prosper best there , and , burthened with sinne , doe they not , for their ease , endeavour to put off the feare and knowledge of god , as facinorous men deny magistracy ? or are the most atheists in that place , because it is the foole that said in his heart , there is no god. xvii . why are statesmen most incredulous ? are they all wise enough to follow their excellent pattern tiberius , who brought the senate to be diligent and industrions to believe him , were it never so opposite or diametricall , that it destroyed their very ends to be believed , as asinius gallus had almost deceived this man by believing him , and the major and aldermen of london in richard the third ? or are businesses ( about which these men are conversant ) so conjecturall , so subject to unsuspected interventions that they are therefore forc'd to speake oraculously , whisperingly , generally , and therefore escapingly , in the language of almanack-makers for weather ? or are those ( as they call them ) arcana imperii , as by whom the prince provokes his lust , and by whom he vents it , of what cloath his socks are , and such , so deep , and so irreveald , as any error in them is inexcusable ? if these were the reasons , they would not only serve for state-business . but why will they not tell true , what a clock it is , and what weather , but abstain from truth of it , if it conduce not to their ends , as witches which will not name jesus , though it be in a curse ? eithere they know little out of their own elements , or a custom in one matter begetts an habite in all . or the lower sort imitate lords , they their princes , these their prince . or else they believe one another , and so never hear truth . or they abstain from the little channel of truth , least , at last , they should finde the fountain it self , god. the character of a scot at the first sight . at his first appearing in the charterhouse , an olive coloured velvet suit owned him , which since became mous-colour , a pair of unskour'd stockingsgules , one indifferent shooe , his band of edenburgh , and cuffs of london , both strangers to his shirt , a white feather in a hat that had bin sod , one onely cloak for the rain , which yet he made serve him for all weathers : a barrenhalf-acre of face , amidst whereof an eminent nose advanced himself , like the new mount at wansted , over-looking his beard , and all the wilde countrey thereabouts ; he was tended enough , but not well ; for they were certain dumb creeping followers , yet they made way for their master , the laird . — at the first presentment his breeches were his sumpter , and his packets , trunks , cloak-bags , portmanteau's and all ; he then grew a knightwright , and there is extant of his ware at l . l . and l . price . immediately after this , he shifteth his suit , so did his whore , and to a bear-baiting they went , whither i followed them not , but tom. thorney did . the true character of a dunce . he hath a soule drownd in a lump of flesh , or is a piece of earth that prometheus put not half his proportion of fire into , a thing that hath neither edge of desire , nor feeling of affection in it , the most dangerous creature for confirming an atheist , who would straight swear , his soul were nothing but the bare temperature of his body : he sleeps as he goes , and his thoughts seldom reach an inch further then his eyes ; the most part of the faculties of his soul lye fallow , or are like the restive jades that no spur can drive forwards towards the pursuite of any worthy design ; one of the most unprofitable of all gods creatures , being as he is , a thing put clean besides his right use , made fitt for the cart & the flail , and by mischance entangled amongst books and papers , a man cannot tel possible what he is now good for , save to move up and down and fill room , or to serv as animatum instrumentum for others to work withal in base imployments , or to be a foyl for better witts , or to serve ( as they say monsters do ) to set out the variety of nature , and ornament of the universe , he is meer nothing of himself , neither eates , nor drinkes , nor goes , nor spits but by imitation , for al which , he hath set forms & fashions , which he never varies , but sticks to , with the like plodding constancy that a milhors follows his trace , both the muses and the graces are his hard mistrisses , though he daily invocate them , though he sacrifize hecatombs , they stil look a squint , you shall note him oft ( besides his dull eye and louting head , and a certain clammie benum'd pace ) by a fair displai'd beard , a nightcap and a gown , whose very wrincles proclaim him the true genius of formality , but of al others , his discours and compositions best speak him , both of them are much of one stuf & fashion , he speaks just what his books or last company said unto him without varying one whit & very seldom understands himself , you may know by his discourse where he was last , for what he read or heard yesterday he now dischargeth his memory or notebook of , not his understanding , for it never came there ; what he hath he flings abroad at al adventurs without accomodating it to time , place persons or occasions , he commonly loseth himself in his tale , and flutters up and down windles without recovery , and whatsoever next presents it self , his heavie conceit seizeth upon and goeth along with , however heterogeneal to his matter in hand , his jests are either old flead proverbs , or lean-starv'd - apophthegm's , or poor verball quips outworn by servingmen , tapsters and milkmaids , even laid aside by bassaders , he assents to all men that bring any shadow of reason , and you may make him when he speaks most dogmatically , even with one breath , to averr pure contradictions , his compositions differ only terminorum positione from dreams , nothing but rude heaps of immaterial-inchoherent drossie-rubbish-stuffe , promiscuously thrust up together , enough to infuse dullness and barrenness of conceit into him that is so prodigall of his eares as to give the hearing , enough to make a mans memory ake with suffering such dirtie stuffe cast into it , as unwellcome to any true conceit , as sluttish morsells or wallowish potions to a nice-stomack which whiles he empties himselfe of , it sticks in his teeth nor can he be delivered without sweate and sighes , and humms , and coughs enough to shake his grandams teeth out of her head ; hee l spitt , and scratch , and yawn , and stamp , and turn like sick men from one elbow to another , and deserve as much pitty during this torture as men in fits of tertian feavors or selfe lashing penitentiaries ; in a word , rip him quite asunder , and examin every shred of him , you shall finde him to be just nothing , but the subject of nothing , the object of contempt , yet such as he is you must take him , for there is no hope he should ever become better . an essay of valour . i am of opinion that nothing is so potent either to procure or merit love , as valour , and i am glad i am so , for thereby i shall do my self much ease , because valour never needs much wit to maintain it : to speak of it in it self , it is a quality which he that hath , shall have least need of , so the best league between princes is a mutual fear of each other , it teacheth a man to value his reputation as his life , and chiefly to hold the lye unsufferable , though being alone , he finds no hurt it doth him , it leaves it self to others censures , for he that brags of his own valour , disswades others from believing it , it feareth a word no more then an ague , it always makes good the owner , for though he be generally held a fool , he shall seldom hear so much by word of mouth , and that enlargeth him more than any spectacles , for it maketh a little fellow be called a tall man , it yeilds the wall to none but a woman , whose weakness is her prerogative , or a man seconded with a woman as an usher , which always goes before his betters , it makes a man become the witness of his own words , and stand to whatever he hath said , and thinketh it a reproach to commit his reviling unto the law , it furnisheth youth with action , and age with discourse , and both by futures , for a man must ever boast himself in the present tense , and to come nearer home , nothing drawes a woman like to it ; for valour towards men , is an emblem of an ability towards women , a good quality signifies a better . nothing is more behooffull for that sex ; for from it they receive protection , and we free from the danger of it : nothing makes a shorter cut for obtaining , for a man of arms is always void of ceremony , which is the wall that stands between pyramus and thisbe , that is , man and woman , for there is no pride in women but that which rebounds from our own basenesse ( as cowards grow valiant upon those that are more cowards ) so that only by our pale asking , we teach them to deny , and by our shamefac'dness , we put them in minde to be modest , whereas indeed it is cunning rhetorick to perswade the hearers that they are that already which he would have them to be ; this kinde of bashfulness is far from men of valour , and especially from souldiers , for such are ever men ( without doubt ) forward and confident , losing no time least they should lose oportunity , which is the best factor for a lover , and because they know women are given to dissemble , they will never believe them when they deny , whilome before this age of wit , and wearing black , were broke in upon us , there was no way known to win a lady but by tylting , turnying , and riding through forrests , in which time these slender striplings with little legs were held but of strength enough to marry their widows , and even in our days there can be given no reason of the inundation of servingmen upon their mistresses , but ( only ) that usually they carry their masters weapons , and his valour ; to be accounted handsome , just , learned , or well favoured , all this carries no danger with it , but it is to be admitted to the title of valiant acts , at least the adventuring of his mortality , and al women take delight to hold him safe in their arms who hath 'scapt thither through many dangers : to speak at once , man hath a priviledge in valour ; in clothes and good faces we but imitate women , and many of that sex will not think much ( as far as an answer goes ) to dissemble wit too . so then these neat youths , these women in mens apparel are too near a woman to be beloved of her , they be both of a trade , but be grim of aspect , and such a one a glass dares take , and she will desire him for neatness and varietie ; a skar in a mans face is the same that a mole in a womans ; a jewel set in white to make it seem more white , for a skar in a man is a mark of honour and no blemish , for 't is a skar and a blemish too in a souldier to be with out one : now as for al things else which are to procure love , as a good face , wit , good clothes , or a good body , each of them i confess may work somewhat for want of a better , that is , if valour be not their rivall ; a good face avails nothing if it be in a coward that is bashfull , the utmost of it is to be kiss'd , which rather encreaseth then quencheth appetite ; he that sends her gifts sends her world also , that he is a man of small gifts otherwise , for wooing by signes and tokens implies the author dumb ; and if ovid who writ the law of love , were alive ( as he is extant ) would allow it as good a diversity , that gifts should be sent as gratuities , not as bribes ; wit getteth rather promise then love , wit is not to be seen , and no woman takes advice of any in her loving , but of her own eyes , and her waiting womans ; nay which is worse , wit is not to be felt , and so no good fellow ; wit apply'd to a woman makes her dissolve ( or disclose ) her simpering , and discover her teeth with laughter , and this is surely a purge for love ; for the beginning of love is a kind of foolish melancholy , as for the man that makes his taylor his bawd , and hopes to inveagle his love with such a coloured suit , surely the same deeply hazards the loss of her favour upon every change of his clothes ; so likewise for the other , that courts her silently with a good body , let me certifie him that his clothes depend upon the comelynesse of the body , and so both upon opinion ; she that hath been seduced by apparel , let me give her to wit , that men always put off their clothes before they go to bed : and let her that hath been enamour'd of her servants body , understand , that if she saw him in a skin of cloth , that is , in a suit made to the pattern of his body , she would see slender cause to love him ever after ; there are no clothes sit so well in a womans eye , as a suit of steel , though not of the fashion , and no man so soon surpriseth a womans affections , as he that is the subject of all whisperings , and hath always twenty stories of his own deeds depending upon him ; mistake me not , i understand not by valour one that never fights but when he is back'd with drink or anger , or hiss'd on with beholders , nor one that is desperate , nor one that takes away a servingmans weapons when perchance it cost him his quarters wages , nor yet one that wears a privy coat of defence and therein is confident , for then such as made bucklers , would be accounted the catalines of this commonwealth — i intend one of an even resolution grounded upon reason , which is always even , having his power restrained by the law of not doing wrong . but now i remember i am for valour and therefore i must be a man of few words . paradox . xii . that virginity is a vertue . i call not that virginity a vertue , which resideth onely in the bodies integrity ; much lesse if it be with a purpose of perpetuall keeping it : for then it is a most inhumane vice — but i call that virginity a vertue which is willing and desirous to yeeld it selfe upon honest and lawfull terms , when just reason requireth ; and untill then , is kept with a modest chastity of body and mind . some perchance will say that virginity is in us by nature , and therefore no vertue . true , as it is in us by nature , it is neither a vertue nor vice , and is onely in the body : ( as in infants , children , and such as are incapable of parting from it ) but that virginity which is in man or or woman of perfect age , is not in them by nature : nature is the greatest enemy to it , and with most subtile allurements seeks the over-throw of it , continually beating against it with her engines , and giving such forcible assaults to it , that it is a strong and more then ordinary vertue to hold out till marriage . ethick philosophy saith , that no vertue is corrupted , or is taken away by that which is good : hereupon some may say , that virginity is therfore no vertue , being taken away by marriage . virginity is no otherwise taken away by marriage , then is the light of the starres by a greater light ( the light of the sun : ) or as a lesse title is taken away by a greater : ( an esquire by being created an earle ) yet virginity is a vertue , and hath her throne in the middle : the extreams are , in excesse : to violate it before marriage ; in defect , not to marry . in ripe years as soon as reason perswades and opportunity admits , these extreams are equally removed from the mean : the excesse-proceeds from lust , the defect from peevishnesse , pride and stupidity . there is an old proverb , that , they that dy maids , must lead apes in hell. an ape is a ridiculous and an unprofitable beast , whose flesh is not good for meat , nor its back for burden , nor is it commodious to keep an house : and perchance for the unprofitablenesse of this beast did this proverb come up : for surely nothing is more unprofitable in the commonwealth of nature , then they that dy old maids , because they refuse to be used to that end for which they were only made . the ape bringeth forth her young , for the most part by twins ; that which she loves best , she killeth by pressing it too hard : so foolish maids soothing themselves with a false conceit of vertue , in fond obstinacie , live and die maids ; and so not onely kill in themselves the vertue of virginity , and of a vertue make it a vice , but they also accuse their parents in condemning marriage . if this application hold not touch , yet there may be an excellent one gathered from an apes tender love to conies in keeping them from the weasel and ferret . from this similitude of an ape & an old maid did the foresaid proverb first arise . but alas , there are some old maids that are virgins much against their wills , and fain would change their virgin-life for a married : such if they never have had any offer of fit husbands , are in some sort excusable , and their willingnesse , their desire to marry , and their forbearance from all dishonest , and unlawfull copulation , may be a kind of inclination to vertue , although not vertue it selfe . this vertue of virginity ( though it be small and fruitlesse ) it is an extraordinary , and no common vertue . all other vertues lodge in the will ( it is the will that makes them vertues . ) but it is the unwillingnesse to keep it , the desire to forsake it , that makes this a vertue . as in the naturall generation and formation made of the seed in the womb of a woman , the body is joynted and organized about the day , and so it begins to be no more an embrion , but capable as a matter prepared to its form to receive the soule , which faileth not to insinuate and innest it selfe into the body about the fortieth day ; about the third month it hath motion and sense : even so virginity is an embrion , an unfashioned lump , till it attain to a certain time , which is about twelve years of age in women , fourteen in men , and then it beginneth to have the soule of love infused into it , and to become a vertue : there is also a certain limited time when it ceaseth to be a vertue , which in men is about fourty , in women about thirty years of age : yea , the losse of so much time makes their virginity a vice , were not their endeavour wholly bent , and their desires altogether fixt upon marriage : in harvest time do we not account it a great vice of sloath and negligence in a husband-man , to overslip a week or ten dayes after his fruits are fully ripe ; may we not much more account it a more heynous vice , for a virgin to let her fruit ( in potentia ) consume and rot to nothing , and to let the vertue of her virginity degenerate into vice , ( for virginity ever kept is ever lost . ) avarice is the greatest deadly sin next pride : it takes more pleasure in hoording treasure then in making use of it , and will neither let the possessor nor others take benefit by it during the misers life ; yet it remains intire , and when the miser dies most come to som body . virginity ever kept , is a vice far wors then avarice , it will neither let the possessor nor others take benefit by it , nor can it be bequeathed to any : with long keeping it decayes and withers , and becomes corrupt and nothing worth . thus seeing that virginity becomes a vice in defect , by exceeding a limited time ; i counsell all female virgins to make choyce of some paracelsian for their physitian , to prevent the death of that vertue : the paracelsians ( curing like by like ) say , that if the lives of living creatures could be taken down , they would make us immortall . by this rule , female virgins by a discreet marriage should swallow down into their virginity another virginity , and devour such a life & spirit into their womb , that it might make them , as it were , immortall here on earth , besides their perfect immortality in heaven : and that vertue which otherwise would putrifie and corrupt , shall then be compleat ; and shall be recorded in heaven , and enrolled here on earth ; and the name of virgin shal be exchanged for a farre more honorable name , a wife . a sheaf of miscellany epigrams . written in latin by i. d. translated by j. main d. d. . upon one who for his wives fault took it ill to be called cuckold . rude scoffer ! why dost cal me cuckold ? no loose fires of love did in my bosome grow . no wedlock knot by me unti'd hath bin ; nor am i guilty of anothers sin . thy wife being not her own with thy limbs she , fool'd cuckold , doth commit adulterie . being , then , one flesh , and thou her head , t is fit the horus , in justice , on thy brow should fit . . upon one roger a rich niggard , familiarly unacquainted with the author . bottomless pit of gold ! slave to thy chest ! poor in the midst of riches not possest ! self tantalus ! to thine own wealth a thief ! affording scarce thy half-starv●…d womb relief . cheating thy limbs with cloths transparent worn ; plague to thy self ! to all men else a scorn ! who madly dost mens silver shapes adore ; and thence getst cheeks pale as the silver ore. feare not i 'le beg ; my mind 's above thy pelf ; good thrifty hodge , give something to thy self . . upon a whore barren and not barren . thy oft repeated is no childless sin ; when thou art lain with stil thy purs lies in . . on the same . thy dowbak'd lusts , and tail which vainly wags , are recompenc'd by thy still teeming bags . . on an old bawd. loe , i an old whore have to young resign'd ; yet in my old flesh dwels a young whores mind . . on the same . though ramage grown , th' art still for carting fit ; thy will with others bodies doth commit . . on the same . she , whose scarce yet quencht lust to freeze begins , liv'd by her own once , now by others sins . . on a bawdy-house . here mal , providing for threescore , sets up the trade she learn'd before , vvith watchings many , sweatings more . . upon an old rich scolding woman who being married to a poor young man upbraided him daily with the smallness of his fortune . the husbands complaint . vvhat wife like mine hath any husband known ? by day she is all noyse , by night all stone . . another . shut thy purse-mouth , old trot , and let 's appeal ; vvho'd without sauce taste so deform'd a meal ? . on her unpleasing kisses . they can't be kisses call'd but toothless nips , vvhich , beldam , come from thy faint trembling lips . . another . when thy dry grissels with my soft lips close , i give thee kisses , thou return'st me blows . . another . thy senses faile thee , and pray god they may , to me thy cofers will their loss defray . . on the same old wife . thou art no woman , nor no womans part , infant , or girl ; say , who the devil art . . to the same . be not seen , thou , whom i distracted love , least my prodigious dotage scandal prove . for being a meer image , 't wil be spread , that i no wife did , but an idol wed . . upon one who saw the picture of his scolding wife in a painters shop . dialog . painter , whose face is that i see ? thy wives . alas ! i fear t is she . just so her scolding eyes do burn ; and brow doth into wrincles turn . i tremble at her sharp nose ; so her frighting chin doth pointed grow . all parts are so drawn to the life , methinks the picture , like my wise , begins to brawl , and kindle strife . . another . say painter , who 's this whom thy hand hath made , thy wife who dost enquire , at least her shade . 't is so ; yet painter , i had cause to doubt , seeing her tongue , her most known part left out . . another . who 's this , painter ? thy wife , o that she were in earnest so . . another . venus , when pygmalion praid , chang'd a statue to a maid ; whose cold marble drunk warm bloud . if at my request she would my wife into marble turn , i would white doves to her burn . . upon a pipe of tobacco mis-taken by the author for the tooth-ach . outlandish weed ! whilst i thy vertues tell , assist me bedlam , muses come from hell. . another . an hearb thou art , but useless ; for made fire , from hot mouths puft , thou dost in fumes expire . . another . a cloud ixion for a goddess kist ; so thou thy lovers cosen'st with a mist. . to the tobacco-seller . merchant of smoke , when next thou mak'st a feast invite some starv'd chamelion to be guest . . another . lothings , stincks , thirst , rhumes , aches , and catarrh , base weed , thy vertues , that 's , thy poysons are . . another . i love thee not , nor thou me having tri'd how thy scorcht takers are but takers fry'd . . another . niggards till dead are niggards ; so vile weed , thy bounty from thy ashes doth proceed . . upon a town built in the place where a wood grew ; from whence 't is called dukes-wood , or the burse a wood into fair buildings chang'd we see ; and th' oke stands city where 't was fel'd a tree . . another . falne okes the axe doth into timber hew ; and a town stands where trees demolisht grew . . another . from a woods ruines did these buildings rise , and it stood grove where now it rafters lies . . another . this naked beam which beares up roofes from ground , was once with branches & fair green top , crown'd . . another . wood yeelds to stone , boughs are made joyces here , and where a cops stood now fair streets appeare . . upon a navigable river cut through a town built out of a wood. horsmen turn sailers , waves roll where grew woods and against nature art make ways through floods . . another . the drownd land here a crystall garment wears , and her own trees , made barges , once more bears . . another . the tree her womb-bred on the back now floats of this o're-flown field , now in wandring boats. . another . the ground whose head was once enricht with okes , her temples now steept in sea-water sokes . . another . the place where once grew ash for warlike spears the maze makes drunk now with his brinish tears . upon the medows over-flown there . the medows which their perfum'd locks did boast ore-flown with waters have their perfumes lost . . another . the hungry cow here lately did mistake ; and seeking grasse was cosen'd with a lake . . another . here fishes dwell , till now not us'd to fields ; and pasture ground here sportful gudgeons yeelds . . another . mere pleasant fields drownd by the wandring maze , see scaly flocks swim where once sheep did graze . . another . dukes-wood where once thick bushes did appear , like a new iland now stands in a meer . . upon a piece of ground ore-flown , where once a leaguer quartered . here where tents stood , mars now to neptune yeelds , and sea-nymphs tread moist dances ore the fields . . another . fishes now quarter where pavilions stood ; and the smooth tench dies the sharp hook with blood . . another . finn'd soldiers here in belgick quarters jar ; and the fierce pike in troubled streams makes war. . another . dutchman ! this grove once hatcht the warlick speer , which angry perches on their backs now wear . . another . gudgeons , where soldiers lay , ly trencht in sand , fearing the bloudie colours of the land. . a dutch captain of foot , having with his soldiers entred a breach , and there a while fought valiantly with a two-handed sword ; in the very point of victory , being mortally wounded , spake thus : i fighting die ; how much more blest then they , whom a blind shot doth , standing idle , slay . . another . we 've conquer'd boys ; my wounds i highly rate , when with such honor they requite my fate . . another . thus conquering kild , my ashes triumphs gain , and make me wish thus to be often slain . . another . i die well paid , whilst my expiring breath , smiles ore the tombs of foes made kin by death . . another . me the queld spaniard to the next world sent not unreveng'd ; his troops before me went. . his will. let heaven my soul , the foe my life , the grave my corps , my fame let my sav'd countrey have . . to the prince of aurange , on his famous victory over the spaniards in dukes-wood . now golden fruit , prince , hang on dukes-wood boughes ; since it with lawrell crown'd thy conquering browes . . another . holland and aurange may their conquest boast of the quell'd spaniard , but brave aurange most . . another . spaniard , no more call golden fleeces thine , since the bright name of aurange doth more shine . . a panegyrick on the hollanders being lords of the sea. occasioned by the authors being in their army at dukes-wood . heathen ! no more thy neptune boast ; here see a neptune more lord of the sea then hee ; whom fruitfull holland feeds , holland sea-bred ; and neighbouring zealand folds in watry bed . neptune's a dutch god ; here his wandrings stay ; and his calm'd ragings con●…ring chains obey . his standing flood here to the bridle yeilds , and his fierce torrent plaies through unknown fields . here the swoln sea views the inferiour ground , and yet no green bush , even to wonder , drownd ; whilst billows , like huge mountains , do hang o're the pleasing vales which creep along the shore . banks hold waves captive , and through sluces free , and glebes from watry prisons snatcht we see . glebes , which were long of sun , and skie bereav'd , now the dutch plowman sees wel cornd & sheav'd . curbing the ocean with stout mounds and bars , and with the salt gods of it waging vvars . making art fetch from the deep 's rav'nous womb pastures , lost towns , and houses ; in which swomm shell'd citizens , ' mongst pillars drencht in brine . should achelous here joyn strengths with thine , and wrestle for the conquest , holland , here each drayner would a hercules appear ; and cosening art with art , in these dry'd plains , would bind the oft shape-changing god in chains . the oft tam'd maze here the dutch yoke endures , and his fear'd master to the vvalls secures of the sam'd burse now , dutchman , fear no harms , vvhen against neighbouring cities seas take arms . the oceans thine , with thee his waves have sworn the league which philip broke . by him th' art born to the parcht indians , and those lands of gold which the proud tyrant doth in bondage hold : whose wealth transported from the plunder'd mine his plate-fleet calls his , but the sea makes thine . each duch-man is columbus ; worlds unknown to the discovering spaniard , are his grown : nor can i here conceal , nor yet say well , where heynskirch's praise , or oliver's excell , or heyn's more bold adventure ; whose bright ore prest the sea's back with wealth snatch from the shore for whilst i do dutch voyages rehearse , and sail with thy victorious ships in verse , i , holland in thy swimming camp am roll'd into all seas , and there both poles behold . the africk sands to thee large tribute send , and asia glories to be stil'd thy friend ; america's rich mines grow in thy lands , and at thy conquests europe wondring stands . . to sleep , stealling upon him as he stood upon the guard in the corner of a running trench , at the siege of duke's-wood . why dost besiege mine eyes , untimely sleep ? and o'er my limbs with thy dull setters creep ? hence , hence , depart ; to roofs well tyll'd repaire ; to beds of down , and mindes unvext with care . shut virgins eyes , whilst love tir'd with delay , unstrings his bow , and lets his arrows play . rock weary ploughmen , and new strength beget in those whose spirits were breath'd forth in sweat ; to men opprest with grief , who court thy charms . and men unbusied lend thy opium arms . be kinde to men in bedlam , close the eyes of him who in a raging feaver lyes . but let me watch ; not as a spy , to mark , with whom my wench steals meetings in the dark . here guards are kept , & from yond watchful towres , the crasty foe vyes broken : sleeps with ours ; seeking by slye plots , what pitcht-fields deny ; hence , hence , then morpheus , from our quarters fly . our very standing still here business finde ; duty imploys our bodies , cares our minde . duty which may the next hour double strike ; whilst each man here stands grasping of a pike ; waitings stoln onsets with our weary spears , examining even whispers with our ears . doubts of the coming foe , with hopes are mixt , and all eyes are one his approaches fi●…t . all passengers we summon with our eyes , ask who they are , and question them or spies . if well-known friends , they pass ; if not , they stay till we their doubtful answers strictly weigh . wil not this serve , sleep ? wil not al this fright thee ? see , then , a night turn'd into day to light thee . see a bright shine from coal black powder spring , and light from darkness once more issuing . see flames like those belcht forth from aetna's maw , such flames as no fleece-stealing iason saw . hecuba's child of fire in dreams begot , was not like that from murdring canons shot . if yet thou 'lt stay , hear thunders mixt with flame , such as neer yet from cyclops anvil came . hark how the loud gun shakes the trembling sky , whilst threatning bals in showres of murther fly . sicilian bull did not so loudly roar ; nor was the sword more dreadful which hung o're damocles neck from guilt roof . then , away , and to such dangers , sleep , don't me betray . . to his fellow sentinels . and you , comrades , with me this night endure ; let our cause make us bold , courage secure . le ts with stout mindes our present dangers meet ; and let our stations from their toyls grow sweet . stations where souldiers are made brothers . night●… in wine , and revels spent make winged flights ; a coy whore is with patience watcht for , yet no honor's gain'd ; glory with dangers met here doth attend us ; toyls are paid with praise . let 's weave us crowns , then , of immortal bayes . to heaven our souls , to earth let 's flesh assign , but in our mindes let loyal honor shine . . in comaedam celeberrimam cinthiam dictam ad in stantiam alterius f●…cit . sic vaga formosas superabat cinthia nymphas ut tu nunc socias cinthia dicta tuas . quae tibi majestas vultus , que gratia frontis ! spiritus ut major quam muliebris inest ? tam bene compositum suavis decet actio corpus ut posset credi singula membra loqui . cùm velis esse venus , vel cùm velis esse diana tam sunilis non est ipsa vel ipsa sibi , si velis esse diana hos ô non desere saltus , haec nemus haec fontem florida scena dabit . o si te nudam semel hoc in fonte viderem cornua tunc essent paenaque grata canes . si luna esse velis fiat tibi sphaera theatrum , pascantur radiis lumina nostra tuis . sed raro hinc abeas , & cùm discedere velles o si te possent lumina nostra sequi ; aut tua cum desit foelix praesentia nobis impressis liceat viribus usque srui . idem anglicè versum . as wandring cinthia all her nymphs excells , so dost thou all thy fellows ; in thee dwells majesty mixt with loveliness , a spirit that 's more then womanish ; thy graces merit , and force a liking , as the lights above ; the earths light vapours upwards force and move : thy action doth each passion so well fit , as if each limb did help to utter it : if thou wilt venus or diana be , neither will be so like her self as thee . 〈◊〉 thou be diana , haunt these fields , 〈◊〉 both woods and fountains yeelds . that i could see thee here but wash thy snow , acteon's fate ide joy to undergo . wilt thou be th' moon , then make thy sphere this stage ; but it were pitty thou shouldst change thy age ; and if from our horizon thou shouldst go , still to view thee wee 'd change horizon too ; but that we may when thou art gone from hence , still be made happy by thy influence . on one particular passage of her action , when she was to be stript of her cloaths by fulvio , but not without much resistance . videns excogitavit . as fulvio cinthia's glory would eclips , and graced by her limbs , her robe off strips ; to see her how she strove , and pray'd , and cry'd , but for the plays sake none could have deny'd . and as she strove with him , so modesty did strive with anger for the mastery . how was she pale with anger , red with shame ! her colour chang'd , with choller went and came , as when the winking moon strives with a cloude , whose glory darkness doth by fits enshroude : was it nor envy , that we might not see that which from th' smock could scarce discerned be ; or wast for shamefastness : yes , yes , 't was so , that too much hiding of her face did show . so look'd the nymph which iupiter beguil'd i' th water with diana got with child ; so salmacis half ravish'd in the brook , as she almost stript to her smock did look . the poet was too sparing , had she been like intrapt venus nak'd to have been seen ; and with a net unhid been covered ; how on her limbs our hungry eyes had fed , and dwelt on her seen members , whilst the rest had by proportion easily been guest : but pitty 't were that she enjoyn'd had been so hard a penance , guilty of no sin . finis . ignatius his conclave : or , his inthronisation in a late election in hell . wherein many things are mingled by way of satyr . concerning the disposition of jesuites . the creation of a new hell. the establishing of a church in the moon . there is also added an apologie for iesuites . all dedicated to the two adversary angels , which are protectors of the papall consistory , and of the colledge of sorbon . by john donne , doctor of divinity , and late dean of saint pauls . printed at london , . to the two tutelar angels , protectors of the popes consistory , and of the colledg of sorbon . most noble couple of angels , lest it should be said that you did never agree , and never meet , but that you did ever abhorre one another , and ever resemble janus with a diverse face ; i attempted to bring and joyne you together once in these papers not that i might compose your differences , for you have not choson me for arbi●…or ; but , that you might beware of an enemy common to you both , i will relate what i saw . i was in an extasie , and my little wandring sportful soul , guest , and companion of my body , had liberty to wander through all places , and to survey and reckon all the roomes , and all the volumes of the heavens , and to comprehend the situation , the dimensions , the nature , the people & the policie , both of the swimming ilands , the planets , and of all those which are fixed in the firmament . of which , i think it an honester part as yet to be silent , then to doe galilaeo wrong by speaking of it , who of late hath summoned the other worlds , the stars to come neerer to him , and give him an account of themselves , or to keppler , who ( as himselfe testifies of himselfe ) ever since tycho braches death , hath received it into his care , that no new thing should be done in heaven without his knowledge . for by the law , prevention must take place ; and therefore what they have found and discovered first , i am content they speake and utter first . yet this they may vouchsafe to take from me , that they shall hardly find enoch , or elias any where in their circuit . when i had surveied all the heavens , then as the larke by busie and laborious wayes , having climb'd up th'ethereall hil , doth raise his hymnes to phoebus harpe : and striking then his sailes , his wings , doth fal down back agen , so suddenly , that one may safely say , a stone came lazily that came that way , in the twinckling of an eye , i saw all the roomes in hell open to my sight . and by the benefit of certain spectacles , i know not of what making , but i thinke , of the same , by which gregory the great and beda did discerne so distinctly the soules of their friends , when they were discharged from their bodies and sometimes the soules of such men as they knew not by sight , and of some that were never in the world , and yet they could distinguish them flying into heaven , or conversing with living men . i saw all the channels in the bowels of the earth ; and all the inhabitants of all nations , and of all ages were suddenly made familiar to mee . i thinke truly , robert aquinas when he took christ's long oration , as he hung upon the crosse , did use some such instrument as this , but applyed to the eare : and so i thinke did he , which dedicated to adrian . that sermon which christ made in praise of his father ioseph : for else how did they heare that , which none but they ever heard ? as for the suburbs of hel ( i mean both limbo and purgatory ) i must confess i passed them over so negligently , that i saw them not : and i was hungerly carried , to finde new places , never discovered before . for purgatory did not seem worthy to me of much diligence , because it may seem already to have been beleeved by some persons , in some corners of the roman church for about yeares ; that is ever since the councell of trent had a minde to fulfill the prophecies of homer , virgil , and the other patriarks of the papists , and being not satisfied with making one transubstantiation , purposed to bring in another : which is , to change fables into articles of faith. proceeding therefore to more inward places , i saw a secret place , where there were not many , beside lucifer himselfe ; to which , onely they had title , which had so attempted any innovation in this life , that they gave an affront to all antiquity , and induced doubts , and anxieties , and scruples , and after a libertie of beleeving what they would , at length established opinions , directly contrary to all established before . of which place in hell , lucifer afforded us hertofore some little knowledge , when more then . yeares since , in an epistle written to the cardinall s. sexti , he promised him a roome in his palace , in the remotest part of his eternall chaos , which i take to be this place . and here pope boniface . and mahomet , seemed to contend about the highest room . he gloried of having expelled an old religion , and mahomet of having brought in a new ; each of them a great deluge to the world . but it is to be feared , that mahomet will fail therein , both because he attributed something to the old testament , and because he used sergius as his fellow-bishop , in making the alcoran ; whereas it was evident to the supreme judge lucifer , ( for how could he be ignorant of that which himselfe had put into the popes minde ? ) that boniface had not only neglected , but destroyed the policy of the state of israel , established in the old testament , when he prepared popes a way , to tread upon the necks of princes , but that he also abstained from al example and coadjutor , when he took upon him that new name , which gregory himselfe ( a pope neither very foolish , nor overmodest ) ever abhord . besides that every day affords new advocates to boniface his side . for since the franciscans were almost worne out ( of whom their general francis , had seen , souldiers in one army , that is , in one chapter ) which , because they were then but fresh souldiers , he saw assisted with devils ; the iesuits have much recompenced those decaies and damages , who sometimes have maintained in their tents , schollers . for though the order of benedict have ever been so fruitful , that they say of it , that all the new orders , which in latter times have broken out , are but little springs , or drops , and that order the ocean , which hath sent out popes , cardinals , archbishops , bishops , and saints , approved by the church , and therefore it cannot be denied , but that boniface his part is much relieved by that order ; yet if they be compared to the iesuits , or to the weak and unperfect types of them , the franciscans , it is no great matter that they have done . though therefore they esteem mahomet worthy of the name of an innovator , and therein perchance not much inferior to boniface , yet since his time , to ours , almost all which have followed his s●…t , have lived barren in an 〈◊〉 and idle concord , and cannot boast that they have produced any new matter : whereas boniface his successors awakened by him , have ever been fruitfull in bringing forth new sinnes , and new pardons , and idolatries , and king-killings . though therefore it may religiously , and piously be beleeved , that turks as well as papists , come daily in troops to the ordinary and common places of hell ; yet certainly to this more honorable room reserved for especiall innovators , the papists have more frequent accesse ; and therefore mahomet is out of hope to prevail , and must imitate the christian emperours , and bee content to sit ( as yet he doth ) at the popes feet . now to this place not onely such endeavour to come , as have innovated in matters directly concerning the soul , but they also which have done so , either in the arts , or in conversation , or in any thing which exerciseth the faculties of the soule , and may so provoke to quarrelsome and brawling controversies , for so the truth be lost , it is no no matter how . but the gates are seldome opened , nor scarce oft●… then once in an age . but my destiny favored me so much , that i was present then , and saw all the pretenders , and all that affected an entrance , and lucifer himself , who then came out into the outward chamber , to heare them plead their own causes . as soon as the door creekt , i spied a certain mathematician , which till then had been busted to finde , to deride , to detrude ptolomey ; and now with an erect countenance , and setled pace , came to the gates , and with hands and feet , ( scarce respecting lucifer himselfe ) beat the doors and cried ; are these shut against me , to whom all the heavens were ever open , who was a soul to the earth , and gave it motion ? by this i knew it was copernicus : for though i had never heard ill of his life , and therefore might wonder to find him there ; yet when i remembred that the papists have extended the name and punishment of heresie , almost to every thing , and that as yet i used gregories and bedes spectacles , by which one saw origen , who deserved so well of the christian church , burning in hell , i doubted no longer , but assured my selfe that it was copernicus which i saw , to whom lucifer said , who are you ? for though even by this boldness you seem worthy to enter , and have attempted a new faction even in hell , yet you must first satisfie those which stand about you , and which expect the same fortune as you doe . except , o lucifer , answered copernicus , i thought thee of the race of the starre lucifer , with which i am so well acquainted , i should not vouchsafe thee this discourse . i am he , which pitying thee who wert thrust into the center of the world , raised both thee and thy prison , the earth , up into the heavens ; so as by my means , god doth not enjoy his revenge upon thee . the sunne , which was an officious spy , and a betrayer of faults and so thy enemy , i have appointed to goe into the lowest part of the world . shall these gates open to such as have innovated in small matters , and shall they be shut against me , who have turned the whole frame of the world , and am thereby almost a new creator . more then this he spoke not . lucifer stuck in a meditation . for what should he doe ? it seemed unjust to deny entry to him which had deserved so well , and dangerous to grant it to one of so great ambitions , and undertakings : nor did he think that himself had attempted greater matters before his fall . somthing he had which he might have conveniently opposed , but he was loath to utter it , lest he should confesse his fear . but ignatius loyola which was got neer his chaire , a subtile fellow , and so indued with the devill , that he was able to tempt , and not onely that , but ( as they say ) even to possesse the devill , apprehended this perplexity in lucifer . and making himselfe sure of his own entrance , and knowing well , that many thousands of his family aspired to that place , he opposeth himself against all others . he was content they should be damned , but not that they should govern . and though when he died he was utterly ignorant in all great learning , and knew not so much as ptolomeys or copernicus name , but might have been perswaded that the words almagest , zenith , and nadir , were saints names , and fit to be put into the letanie , and ora pro nobis joyned to them ; yet after he had spent some time in hell , he had learnt somewhat of his iesuits , which daily came thither . and whilst he staied at the threshold of hell , that is , from the time when he delivered himselfe over to the popes will , he took a little tast of learning . thus furnisht , thus he undertakes copernicus . doe you think to win our lucifer to your part , by allowing him the honour of being of the race of that starre ? who was not onely made before all the stars , but being glutted with the glory of shining there , transferred his dwelling and colonies unto this monarchy , and thereby gave our order a noble example , to spy , to invade , and to possesse foraign kingdoms . can our lucifer or his followers have any honour from that star lucifer , which is but ve●…us ? whose face how much we scorn , appears by this , that for the most part we use her aversly and preposterously . rather let our lucifer glory in lucifer the calaritan bishop ; not therefore because he is placed amongst heretiques , onely for affirming the propagation of the soule ; but especially for this , that he was the first that opposed the dignity of princes , and imprinted the names of antichrist , iudas , and other stigmatique marks upon the emperour ; but for you , what new thing have you invented , by which our lucifer gets any thing ? what cares he whether the earth travel , or stand still ? hath your raising up of the earth into heaven , brought men to that confidence , that they build new towres or threaten god again ? or do they out of this motion of the earth conclude , that there is no hell , or deny the punishment of sin ? do not men believe ? do they not live just as they did before ? besides , this detracts from the dignity of your learning , and derogates from your right and title of coming to this place , that those opinions of yours , may very well be true . if therefore any man have honour or title to this place in this matter , it belongs wholly to our clavins , who opposed himself opportunely against you , and the truth , which at that time was creeping into every mans minde . he only can be called the author of all contentions , and school-combates in this cause ; and no greater profit can be hoped for here in , but that for such brables , more necessary matters be neglected . and yet not only for this is our clavius to be honored , but for the great pains also which he took in the gregorian calender , by which both the peace of the church , and civil businesses have been egregiously troubled : nor hath heaven it self escaped his violence , but hath ever since obeyed his appointments : so that s. steven , iohn baptist , and all the rest , which have been commanded to work miracles at certain appointed days , where their reliques are preserved , do not now attend till the day come , as they were accustomed , but are awaked ten days sooner , and constrained by him to come down from heaven to do that business . but your inventions can scarce be called yours , since before you , heraclides , ecphantus , and aristarchus thrust them into the world : who notwithstanding content themselves with lower roomes amongst the other philosophers , and aspire not to this place , reserved only for antichristian heroes : neither do you agree so well amongst your selves , as that you can be said to have made a sect , since , as you have perverted and changed the order and scheme of others : so tycho brachy hath done by yours , and others by his . let therefore this little mathematician ( dread emperour ) withdraw himself to his own com pany . and if hereafter the fathers of our order can draw a cathedrall decree from the pope , by which it may be defined as a matter of faith , that the earth doth not move ; and an anathema inflicted upon all which hold the contrary : then perchance both the pope which shall decree that , and copernicus his followers ( if they be papists ) may have the dignity of this place . lucifer signified his assent : and copernicus without muttering a word , was as quiet as he thinks the sunne : when he which stood next him , entred into his place . to whom lucifer said : and who are you ? he answered , philippus aureolus theophrastus paracelsus bombast of hohenheim . at this lucifer trembled , as if it were a new exorcîsme , and he thought it might well be the first verse of s. iohn , which is always imployed in exorcismes , and might now be taken out of the welch or irish bibles . but when he understood that it was but the web of his name , he recollected himself , and raising himself upright , asked was he had to say to the great emperour sathan , lucifer , belzebub , leviathan , abaddon . paracelsus replyed , it were an injury to thee , o glorious emperor , if i should deliver before thee what i have done , as though all those things had not proceeded from thee , which seemed to have bin done by me , thy organ and conduit ; yet since i shal rather be thy trumpet herein then mine own , some things may be uttered by me . besides therefore that i brought all methodicall physicians and the art it self into so much contempt , that that kinde of physick is almost lost ; this also was ever my principal purpose , that no certain new art , nor fixed rules might be established , but that all remedies might be dangerously drawn from my uncertain , ragged , and unperfect experiments , in tryal whereof how many men have been made carkases ? and falling upon those times which did abound with paradoxicall and unusual diseases , of all which , the pox , which then began to rage , was almost the center and sink : i ever professed an assured and an easie cure thereof , lest i should deterr any from their licentiousness . and whereas almost all poysons are so disposed and conditioned by nature , that they offend some of the senses , and so are easily discerned and avoided , i brought it to pass , that that treacherous quality of theirs might be removed and so they might safely be given without suspicion , and yet perform their office as strongly . all this i must confess i wrought by thy minerals and by thy fires , but yet i cannot despair of my reward , because i was thy first minister and instrument in these innovations . by this time ignatius had observed a tempest risen in lucifers countenance : for he was just of the same temper as lucifer , and therefore suffered with him in every thing , and felt all his alterations . that therefore he might deliver him from paracelsus , he said ; you must not think sir , that you may here draw out an oration to the proportion of your name . it must be confessed that you attempted great matters , and well becoming a great officer of lucifer , when you undertook not only to make a man in your alimbecks , but also to preserve him immortal . and it cannot be doubted , but that out of your commentaries upon the scriptures , in which you were utterly ignorant , many men have taken occasion of erring , and thereby this kingdom much indebted to you . but must you therefore have access to this secret place ? what have you compassed even in physick it self , of which we iesuits are ignorant ? for though our ribadenegra have reckoned none of our order , which hath written in ●…ysick , yet how able and sufficient wee are in that faculty , i will be tryed by that pope who hath given a priviledge to iesuits to practise physick and to be present at deaths-bed , ( a ) which is denyed to other orders : for why should he deny us their bodies , whose souls he delivered to us ? and since he hath transferd upon us the power to practise physick , he may justly be thought to have transferd upon us the art it self by the same omnipotent bull ; since he which grants the end , is by our rules of law presumed to have granted all means necessary to that end . let me ( dread emperour ) have leave to speak truth before thee ; these men abuse and profane too much thy mettals , which are the bowels and treasure of thy kingdom : for what doth physick profit thee ? physick is a soft and womanish thing . for since no medicine doth naturally draw blood , that science is not fit nor worthy of our study . besides , why should those things which belong to you , be imployed to preserve from diseases , or to procure long life ? were it not fitter that your brother and colleague , the bishop of rome , which governs upon the face of your earth , and gives daily increase to your kingdom , should receive from you these helps and subsidies ? to him belongs all the gold , to him all the precious stones , conceald in your intrals , wherby he might bait & ensnare the princes of the earth , through their lords and councellours means , to his obedience , and to receive his commandments , especially in these times , when almost every where his antient rights and tributes are denyed unto him . to him belongs your iron , and the ignobler mettals , to make engines ; to him belongs your minerals apt for poyson ; to him the salt-peter , and all the elements of gun-powder , by which he may demolish and overthrow kings and kingdoms , and courts , and seats of justice . neither doth paracelsus truly deserve the name of an innovator , whose doctrin severi●…us and his other followers do referr to the most ancient times . think therefore your self well satisfied , if you be admitted to govern in chief that legion of homicid physicians , and of princes which shall be made away by poyson in the midst of their sins , and of women tempting by paintings and face-physick . of all which sorts great numbers will daily come hither out of your academy . content with this sentence , paracelsus departed ; and machiavel succeeded , who having observed ignatius his forwardness , and sauciness , and how , uncald , he had thrust himself into the office of kings-attorney , thought this stupid patience of copernicus and paracelsus , ( men which tasted too much of their germany ) unfit for a florentine : and therefore had provided some venemous darts , out of his italian arsenal , to cast against this worn souldier of pampelune , this french-spanish mungrell , ignatius . but when he thought better upon it , and observed that lucifer ever approved whatsoever ignatius said , he suddenly changed his purpose ; and putting on another resolution , he determined to direct his speech to ignatius , as to the principall person next to lucifer , as well by this means to sweeten and mollifie him , as to make lucifer suspect , that by these honours and specious titles offered to ignatius and entertained by him , his own dignity might be eclipsed or clouded ; and that ignatius by winning to his side politique men , exercised in civil businesses , might attempt some innovation in that kingdom . thus therefore he began to speak . dread emperor , and you , his watchfull and diligent genius , father ignatius , arch-chancellor of this court , and highest priest of this highest synagogue ( except the primacy of the roman church reach also unto this place ) let me before i descend to myself , a little consider , speak , and admire your stupendious wisdom , and the government of this state . you may vouchsafe to remember great emperor ) how long after the nazarens death , you were forced to live a solitary , a barren , and an eremiticall life , till at last , as it was ever your fashion to imitate heaven ) out of your aboundant love , you begot this dearly beloved son of yours , ignatius , which stands at your right hand . and from both of you proceeds a spirit , whom you have sent into the world , who triumphing both with mitre and crown , governs your militant church there . as for those sons of ignatius , whom either he left alive , or were born after his death , and your spirit , the bishop of rome , how justly and properly may they be called equivocall men ? and not only equivocall in that sense , in which the popes legates , at your nicene councel were called equivocal , because they did agree in all their opinions , and in all their words : but especially because they have brought into the world a new art of equivocation . o wonderfull and incredible hypercritiques , who not out of marble fragments , but out of the secretest records of hell it self , that is , out of the minds of lucifer , the pope and ignatius , ( persons truely equivocall ) have raised to life again the language of the tower of babel so long concealed , and brought us again from understanding one another . for my part ( o noble pair of emperors ) that i may freely confess the truth , all which i have done , wheresoever there shall be mention made of the jesuits , can be reputed but childish , for this honour i hope will not be denied me , that i brought in an alphabet , and provided certain elements , and was some kind of schoolmaster in preparing them a way to higher undertakings ; yet it grieves me and makes me ashamed that i should be ranked with this idle and chymaericall copernicus , or this cadaverous vulture , paracelsus . i scorn that those gates into which such men could conceive any hope of entrance , should not voluntarily flye open to me : yet i can better endure the rashness and fellowship of paracelsus then the other : because he having been conveniently practised in the butcheries and mangling of men , he had the reason to hope for favour of the jesuits : for i my self went always that way of blood , and therefore i did ever prefer the sacrifices of the gentiles and of the iews , which were perfor med with effusion of bloud ( whereby not only the people but the priests also were animated to bold enterprises ) before the soft and wanton sacrifices of christians . if i might have had my choice , i should rather have wished that the roman church had taken the bread than the wine from the people , since in the wine there is some colour to imagin and represent blood . neither did you ( most reverend bishop of this diocess ignatius ) abhor from this way of blood . for having consecrated your first age to the wars , and grown , somewhat unable to follow that course by reason of a wound ; you did presently begin to think seriously of a spiritual war against the church and found means to open waies even into kings chambers , for your executioners . which dignity you did not reserve only to your own order , but ( though i must confes , that the foundation , and the nourishment of this doctrine remains with you , and is peculiar to you , out of your infinite liberalitie , ) you have vouchsafed sometime , to use the hands of other men in these imployments . and therefore as well they , who have so often in vain attempted it in england , as they which have brought their great purposes to effect in france , are indebted only to you for their courage and resolution . but yet although the entrance into this place may be decreed to none , but to innovators , and to only such of them as have dealt in christian businesse , and of them also , to those only which have had the fortune to doe much harme ; i cannot see but that next to the iesuits , i must be invited to enter , since i did not only teach those wayes by which , thorough perfidiousnesse and dissembling of religion , a man might possesse and usurpe upon the liberty of free common-wealths ; but also did arme and furnish the people with my instructions , how when they were under this oppression , they might safeliest conspire , and remove a tyrant , or revenge themselves of their prince and redeem their former losses ; so that from both sides , both from prince and people , i brought an abundant harvest , and a noble encrease to this kingdome . by this time i perceived lucifer to be much moved with this oration , and to incline much towards machiavel ; for he did acknowledge him to be a kind of patriarke , of those whom they call laymen . and he had long observed , that the clergie of rome tumbled down to hell daily , easily , voluntarily , and by troupes , because they were accustomed to sinn against their conscience , and knowledge ; but that the laitie sinning out of a sloathfulnesse , and negligence of finding the truth , did rather offend by ignorance and omission . and therefore he thought himself bound to reward machiavel , which had awakened this drowsie and implicite laitie to greater , and more bloudie vndertakings . besides this , since ignatius could not be denied the place , whose ambitions and turbulencies lucifer understood very well , he thought machiavel a fit and necessarie instrument to oppose against him ; that so the skales being kept even by their factions , he might govern in peace , and two poysons mingled might doe no harme . but he could not hide this intention from ignatius , more subtil than the devil and the verier lucifer of the two : therefore ignatius rushed out , threw himselfe down at lucifers feet , and groveling on the ground adored him . yet certainly , vasques would not call this idolatry , because in the shape of the devill he worshipped him , whom he accounted the true god. here ignatius cryed , and thundred out , with so great noise and horror , that had that powder taken fire , by which all the isle of britain had flowne to the moon , it had not equalled this noyse and horror . and when he was able to speake distinctly , thus he spoke ; it cannot be said ( unspeakable emperour ) how much this obscure florentine hath transgressed against thee , and against the pope thy image-bearer , ( whether the word be accepted , as gratian takes it when he calles the scriptures ; imaginary books or as they take it , which give that stile to them who carry the emperours image in the field ; ) and last of all against our order . durst any man before him ; thinke upon this kind of injury , and calumny , as to hope that he should be able to flatter , to catch , to entrap lucifer himselfe ? certainly , whosoever flatters any man , and presents him those prayses , which in his own opinion are not due to him , thinkes him inferiour to himself , and makes account that he hath taken him prisoner , and triumphs over him . who ever flatters , either he derides , or ( at the best ) instructs . for there may be , even in flattery , an honest kind of teaching , if princes by being told that they are already indued with all vertues necessary for their functions , be thereby taught what those vertues are , and by a facile exhortation , excited to endeavor to gaine them . but was it fit that this fellow , should dare either to deride you , or ( which is the greater injury ) to teach you ? can it be beleeved , that he delivers your prayses from his heart , and and doth not rather herein follow gratians levity ; who sayes : that you are called prince of the world , as a king at chests , or as the cardinall of ravenna , only by derision ? this man , whilst he lived , attributed so much to his own wit , that he never thought himselfe beholden to your helps , and insinuations ; and was so farr from invoking you , or sacrificing to you , that he did not so much as acknowledge your kingdome nor beleeve that there was any such thing in nature as you . i must confess that he had the same opinion of god also ; therefore deserves a place here , and a better then any of the pagan or gentile idolaters : for in every idolatry and false worship there is some religion , and some perverse simplicity , which tasts of humility ; from all which this man was very free when in his heart he utterly denied that there was any god. yet since he thought so in earnest , and beleeved that those things which he affirmed were true , he must not be ranked with them ; which having been sufficiently instructed of the true god , and beleeving him to be so , doe yet fight against him in his enemies army . neither ought it to be imputed to us as a fault , that sometimes in our exorcismes we we speak ill of you , and call you heretick and drunkard , and whisperer , and scabbed beast , and conjure the elements that they should not receive you , and threaten you with indissoluble damnation , and torments a thousand thousand times worse then you suffer yet . for these things you know are done out of a secret covenant and contract between us , and out of mysteries which must not be opned to this neophite , who in our synagogue is yet but amongst the catechumeni . which also we acknowledge of holy water , and our agnus dei , of which you do so wisely dissemble a feare , when they are presented to you : for certainly if there were any true force in them , to deliver bodies from diseases , souls from sinnes , and the elements from spirits , and malignant impressions , ( as in the verses which urban the fifth sent with his agnus dei to the emperor it is pretended ) it had bin reason that they should first have exercised their force upon those verses , and so have purged and delivered them , if not from heresie , yet from barbarousnesse and soloecismes ; that hereticks might not justly say , there was no truth in any of them but onely the last ; which is , that the least piece which thence doth fall , will doe one as much good as all . and though our order have adventured further in exorcismes then the rest , yet that must be attributed to a speciall priviledge , by which we have leave to question any possessed persons of what matters we wil ; whereas all other orders are miserably bound to the present matter , and the businesse then in hand . for though i do not believe , that either from your selfe , or from your vicar the pope , any such priviledge is issued ; yet our cotton deserves to be praised , who being questioned , how he durst propose certain seditious interrogatories to a possessed person , to deliver himselfe , feigned such a priviledge ; and with an un-heard-of boldness , and a new kind of falsifying , did ( in a manner ) counterfeit lucifers hand and seal , since none but he onely could give this priviledg : but if you consider us out of this liberty in exorcismes , how humble and servile we are towards you , the relations of peru testifie enough , where it is recorded , that when one of your angels at midnight appeared to our barcena alone in his chamber , he presently rose out of his chaire , and gave him the place , whom he professed to be farre worthier thereof then he was . but to proceed now to the injuries which this fellow hath done to the bishop of rome , although very much might be spoken , yet by this alone , his disposition may be sufficiently discerned , that he imputes to the pope , vulgar and popular sins , far unworthy of his greatnesse . weak praising is a kind of accusing , and we detract from a mans honour , if when we praise him for small things , and would seem to have said all , we conceal greater . perchance this man had seen some of the catalogues of reserv'd cases , which every year the popes encrease , and he might think , that the popes did therefore reserve these sinnes to themselves , that they only might commit them . but either he is ignorant or injurious to them . for can they be thought to have taken away the liberty of sinning from the people , who doe not onely suffer men to keep concubines , but sometimes doe command them ? who make st. peter beholden to the stews for part of his revenue : and who excuse women from the infamous name of whore , till they have delivered themselves over to men . the professors of which religion teach , that university men which keep whores in their chambers , may not be expeld for that , because it ought to be presumed before hand , that scholars will not live without them . shall he be thought to have a purpose of deterring others from sinne , which provides so well for their security , that he teaches , that he may dispense in all the commandements of the second table , and in all morall law ; and that those commandements of the second table can neither be called principles nor conclusions , necessarily deduced from principles ? and therefore ( as they ever love that manner of teaching ) he did illustrate his rule with an example , and dispensed in a marriage between brother and sister , and hath hoorded up so many in dulgencies in one barn , the citie of rome , that it is easy for any man in an hour or two , to draw out pardons enough for years . how clear a witnesse of this liberality is leo the tenth ? who onely for rehearsing once the lords prayer , and thrice repeating the name of iesu ( be it spoken here without horror ) hath given three thousand years indulgence . how profuse a steward or auditor was boniface , who acknowledges so many indulgences to be in that one church of lateran , that none but god can number them ? besides these plenary indulgences are given not onely to the franciscans themselves , but to their parents also , and to any which dies in their habit ; and to any which desire that they may doe so : and to those who are wrapped in it after death , though they did not desire it ; and five years indulgence to those who doe but kisse it . and at last , clement the seventh by a priviledge first given to one order ( which since is communicated to our order , as the priviledge of all other orders are ) gave to any who should but visit a place belonging to them , or any other place if he could not come thither , or if he could come to no such place , yet if he had but a desire to it , all indulgences which had been granted , or hereafter should be granted in the universal world . and though it be true , that if in any of these indulgences a certain sum of money were limited to be given ( as for the most part it is ) a poor man who could not give that money though he were never so contrite for his sinnes , could have no benefit thereby : and though gerson durst call those indulgences foolish and superstitious , which gave twenty thousand yeares pardon for rehearsing one prayer , yet they doe abundantly testifie the popes liberall disposition , and that he is not so covetous in reserving sinnes to himselfe ; but if perchance once in an hundred years , some one of the scum of the people be put to death for sodomy ; and that not so much for the offence , as for usurping the right of the ecclesia stick princes , we must not much lament nor grudge at that , since it is onely done to discontinue and interrupt a prescription , to gain which title the laity hath ever been very forward against the clergie : for even in this kind of his delicacies , the pope is not so reserved and covetous , but that he allowes a tast thereof to his cardinals , whom whom you once called carpidineros ( by an elegancie proper onely to your secretaries the monkes ) in an epistle which you writ to one of that colledge : for since the cardinals are so compacted into the pope , and so made his own body , that it is not lawfull for them without licence first obtained from him , to be let blood in a fever , what may be denied unto them ? or what kind of sin is likely to bee left out of their glorious priviledges . which are at least two hundred ? which order the pope can no more remove out of the ecclesiasticke hirarchy , then he can bishops ; both because cardinals were instituted by god , and because the apostles themselves were cardinalls before they were bishops . whom also in their creation he stiles his brothers , & princes of the world , and co-judges of the whole earth , and to perfect all , that there are so many kings as there are cardinals . o fearefull body ; and as in many other things , so in this especially monstrous , that they are not able to propagate their species : for all the cardinals in a vacancy are not able to make one cardinal more . to these men certainely the pope doth no more grudge the plurality of sins , then hee doth of benefices . and he hath been content , that even borgia should enjoy , this dignity , if he hath heaped up by his ingenius wickednesse , more sorts of sins in one act , then ( as far as i know ) as any the popes themselvs have attempted : for he did not only give the full rein to his licentiousnesse , but raging with a second ambition , he would also change the sek . therein also his stomack was not towardes young , beardlesse boyes , nor such green fruit : for he did not thinke , that he went farr enough from the right sex , except he had a manly , a reverend , and a bearded venus . neither staied he there ; but his witty lust proceeded further : yet he solicited not the minions of the popes , but striving to equall the licenciousnesse of sodomites which would have had the angels ; to come as neer them as he could , he tooke a cleargy-man , one of the portion and lot of the lord ; and so made the maker of god , a priest subject to his lust ; nor did he seek him out in a cloyster , or quire ; but that his venus might be the more monstrous , he would have her in a mitre . and yet his prodigious lust was not at the height ; as much as he could he added : and having found a man a clergy man , a bishop , he did not sollicite him with entreaties , and rewards , but ravished him by force . since then the popes doe out of the fulnesse of their power , come to those kindes of sinn , which have neither example nor name , insomuch that pope paulus venetus which used to paint himselfe , and desired to seem a woman , was called the goddesse cibele , which was not without misterie , since , prostitute boyes are sacred to that goddesse ) and since they doe not grant ordinarily that liberty of practising sinnes , till they have used their own right and priviledge of prevention and anticipation ; this pratling fellow machiavel , doth but treacherously , and dishonestly prevaricate , and betray the cause , if he thinke he hath done enough for the dignity of the popes , when he hath affoorded to them , sins common to all the world . the transferring of empires , the ruine of kingdomes , the excommunications , and depositions of kings , and devastations by fire and sword , should have been produced as their marks & characters : for though the examples of the popes transferring the empire , which our men so much stand upon , be not indeed true , nor that the ancient popes practised any such thing ; yet since the states-men of our order , wiser then the rest have found how much this temporall jurisdiction over princes , conduces to the growth of the church , they have perswaded the popes , that this is not onely lawfull for them , but often practised heretofore : and therefore they provide that the canons , and histories be detorted to that opinion : for though one of our order doe weaken that famous canon , nos sanctorum , which was used still to be produced for this doctrin , yet he did it then when the king of great britain was to be mollified and sweetned towards us , and the laws to be mitigated , and when himself had put on the name eudaemon . but let him return to his true state , and profess himself a cacodaemon , and he will be of our opinion . in which respect also we may pardon our cudsemius his rashness , when he denies the english nation to be heretiques , because they remain in a perpetual succession of bishops : for herein these men have thought it fit to follow in their practise , that translation which reads the words of paul ; serve the time , and not that which says ; serve the lord. as for the injury which this petty companion hath offered to our order , since in our wrongs both yours and the popes majesty is wounded , since to us as to your dictators , both you have given that large and anti●…ent commission , that we should take care that the state take no harm , we cannot doubt of our revenge : yet this above all the rest , doth especially ve●… me , that that when he cals me prelate and bishop ( names which we so much abhor and detest ) i know well that out of his inward malignity he hath a relation to bellarmines , and tolets sacrilegious vow-breaking ambitions , by which they imbraced the cardinalship , and other church dignities : but herein this poor fellow unacquainted with our affairs , is deceived , being ignorant that these men by this act of being thus incorporated into the pope , are so much the nearer to their center and final happiness , this chamber of lucifer , and that by the breach of a vow which themselves thought just , they have got a new title thereunto : for the cardinalship is our martyrdom : and though not many of our order have had that strength that they have been such martyrs , and that the popes themselves have been pleased to transfer this persecution into the other orders , who have had more cardinals than we ; yet without doubt for such of ours which have had so much courage , new crowns , and new garlands , appropriate to our martyrs , are prepared for them in this their heaven ; because being inabled by greater means they are fitter for greater mischiefs . we therefore lament the weakness of our laynez and our borgia , who refused the cardinalship offered by paulus . and iulius . for in this place and this meeting it is not unfit to say they did so , even amongst the antient romans when they sacrificed to you those sacrifices which offerd any resistance , were ever reputed unaccepted : and therefore our bellarmine deserves much praise , who finding a new genius and courage in his new cardinalship , set out his retractions and corrected all those places in his works , which might any way be interpreted in the favour of princes . but let us pass over all these things ; for we understand one another well enough : and let us more particularly consider those things which this man who pretends to exceed all ancient and modern statesmen boasts to have been done by him . though truely no man will easily believe , that he hath gone far in any thing which did so tire at the beginning or mid-way , that having seen the pope and known him , yet could never come to the knowledge of the devil . i know what his excuse and escape will be ; that things must not be extended infinitely ; that we must consist and arrest somewhere , and that more means and instruments ought not to be admitted where the matter may be dispatched by fewer . when therefore he was sure that the bishop of rome was the cause of all mischief , and the first mover thereof , he chose rather to settle and determine in him , than by acknowledging a devil to induce a new tyranny , and to be driven to confess that the pope had usurped upon the devils right , which opinion if any man be pleased to maintain , we do not forbid him : but yet it must be an argument to us of no very nimble wit , if a man do so admire the pope that he leave out the devil , and so worship the image , without relation to the prototype and first pattern . but besides this , how idle and how very nothings they are which he hath shoveld together in his books , this makes it manifest that some of every religion and of every profession have risen up against him , and no man attempted to defend him : neither do i say this because i think his doctrin the worse for that , but it is therefore the less artificially carried , and the less able to work those ends to which it is directed . for our part we have not proceeded so . for we have dished and dressed our precepts in these affairs with such cunning , that when our own men produce them to ens●…re and establish our pupils , then we put upon them the majesty and reverence of the doctrin of the church and of the common opinions : but when our adversaries alledge them either to cast envy upon us , or to deterr the weaker sort ; then they are content with a lower room , and vouchsafe to step aside into the rank of privat opinions . and the canons themselves are with us sometime glorious in their mitres and pontifical habits and sound nothing but meer divine resolutions out of the chair it self , and so have the force of oracles , sometimes we say they are ragged and lame , and do but whisper with a doubtfull and uncertain murmure , a hollow cloystral , or an eremiticall voice , and so have no more authority than those poor men which writ them : sometimes we say they were but rashly throwne into the peoples ears out of pulpits in the homilies of fathers ; sometimes that they were derived out of such councels as suffered abortion , and were delivered of their children , which are their canons before inanimation , which is the popes assent ; or out of such councels as are now discontinued and dead ( howsoever they remained long time in use , and lively and in good state of health ) and therfore cannot be thought fit to be used now , or applyed in civil businesses ; sometimes we say the popes voice is in them all by his approbation ; sometimes that only the voice of those authors from whom they are taken speaks in them . and accordingly we deliver divers and various philosyphy upon our gratian who compiled them ; sometimes we allow him the honour and dignity of diamonds and the nobler sort of stones , which have both their clearness and their firmness from this , for that they are compacted of less parts and atomes then others are : and so is gratian ; whom for the same cause , sometimes we account but a hill of many sands cast together , and very unfit to receive any foundation . i must confess that the fathers of our order , out of a youthful fiercenes which made them dare and undertake any thing ( for our order was scarce at years at that time ) did amiss in inducing the councel of trent to establish certain rules and definitions from which it might not be lawfull to depart : for indeed there is no remedy but that sometimes we must depart from them : nor can it be dissembled that both the writers of our order , and the dominicans have departed from them in that great war and tragedy lately raised at rome about grace and freewill : for it is not our purpose that the writings of our men should be so ratified that they may not be changed so that they be of our order which change them : so by the same liberty which daemon ioannes hath taken in delivering the king of britain from the danger of deposition ; ( because as yet no sentence is given against him ) and also from many other canons which others think may justly be discharged against him , it will be as lawfull for us , when that kingdom shall be enough stupified with this our opium to restore those canons to their former vigour , and to awake that state out of her lethargy , either with her own heat , intestine war , or by some medicine drawn from other places : for princes have all their securities from our indulgence , and from the slack and gentle interpretation of the canons : they are but priviledges which since they are derived , and receive life from us , they may be by us diminished , revoked and annulled : for as it was lawfull for mariana to depart from the doctrin of the councel of constance , so it was lawfull for cotton to depart from mariana , which notwithstanding , we would have only lawfull for our order to whom it is given to know times and secrets of state : for we see the sorbonists themselves ( which may seem to have an aristocratical papacy amongst themselves ) though they laboured to destroy the doctrin of mariana , did yet wisely forbear to name him or any other iesuit , which was a modesty that i did not hope for at their hands ; since before i died they made one decree against me : but yet therein i think somewhat may be attributed to my patience and providence ; who knowing their strength and our own infancy , forbad all of my order to make any answer to that decree of theirs : neither were we so herculean as to offer to strangle serpents in our cradle . but yet since after that time they have been often provoked by our men : ( for i gave not so iron a rule and precepts to my disciple as francis did to his , who would not have his rule applyed to times & to new occasions ) certainly they might have bin excused if they had bin at this time sharper against us . and if the parliament of paris thought it not fit to carry the matter so modestly in their arrest against mariana , but made both the book and the doctrin , and the man infamous : what should we say more of it , but that it is a gyant and a wilde beast which our men could never tame , for still it cries and howles , the pope is bound to proceed lawfully and canonically : and this they maliciously interpret of their own laws , and of ancient canons , which they hope to bring in to use again , by an insensible way of arrest and sentences in that court. this then is the point of which we accuse machiavell , that he carried not his myne so safely but that the enemie perceived it still . but we who have received the church to be as a ship , do freely sail in the deep sea ; we have an ancor , but we have not cast it yet , but keep it ever in our power to cast it and weigh it at our pleasure . and we know well enough that as to sailing ships , so to our sailing church , all rocks , all promontories , all firm and fast places are dangerous , and threaten shipwrack , and therefore to be avoided ; and liberty and sea-room to be affected ; yet i do not obstinately say that there is nothing in machiavels commentary which may be of use to this church . certainly there is very much ; but we are not men of that poverty that we need beg from others , nor dignifie those things with our praises which proceed not from our selves . the senate of rome gave us heretofore a noble example of this temperance and abstinence , which therefore refused to place christ amongst their gods , because the matter was proposed by the emperor , and begun not in themselves . as for that particular wherein machiavel useth especially to glory ; which is that he brought in the liberty of dissembling and lying , it hath neither foundation nor colour : for not only plato and other fashioners of commonwealths , allowed the liberty of lying to magistrates and to physitians ; but we also considering the fathers of the church , origen , chrysostome , hierome , have not only found that doctrin in them , but we have also delivered them from al imputation and reprehension by this evasion , that it was lawfull for them to maintain that opinion till some definition of the church had established the contrary : which certainly ( though this should not be so openly spoken of ) as yet was never done . but yet we have departed from this doctrin of free lying , though it were received in practice , excused by the fathers , strengthened by examples of prophets and angels in the scriptures , and so almost established by the law of nations and nature ; only for this reason , because we were not the first authors of it . but we have supplied this loss with another doctrin less suspicious ; and yet of as much use for our church ; which is mentall reservation , and mixt propositions . the liberty therefore of lying is neither new nor safe , as almost all machiavels precepts are so stale and obsolete , that our serarius using i must confess , his jesuiticall liberty of wilde anticipation , did not doubt to call herod who lived so long before machiavel , a machiavelian . but that at one blow we may cut off all his reasons and all his hopes , this i affirm , this i pronounce , that all his books and all his deeds tend only to this , that thereby a way may be prepared to the ruine and destruction of that part of this kingdom which is established at rome : for what else doth he endeavor or go about , but to change the forme of common-wealth , and so to deprive the people ( who are a soft , a liquid , and ductile mettall , and apter for our impressions ) of all their liberty , and having so destroyed all civility and re-publick , to reduce all states to monarchies ; a name which in secular states , we doe so much abhor , ( i cannot say it without teares ) but i must say it , that not any one monarch is to be found , which either hath not withdrawn himselfe wholly from our kingdome , or wounded and endamaged in som weighty point ; hereupon our cotton confesseth , that the authority of the pope is incomparably lesse then it was , and that now the christian church , ( which can agree to none but the romans ) is but a diminutive . and hereupon also it is , that the cardinalls , who were wont to meet oftener , meet now but once in a week , because the businesses of the court of rome grow fewer . to forbeare therefore mentioning of the kings of britain & denmarke , and the other monarchs of the first sort , which have utterly cast off rome ; even in france , our enemies are so much encreased that they equall us almost in number : and for their strength , they have this advantage above us , that they agree within themselves and are at unity with their neighbour reformed churches ; whereas our men which call themselves chatholick there , do so much differ from the roman catholick that they do not only prefer councels , but even the king before the pope , and ever more oppose those their two great giants gog , and magog , their parliament of paris , and their colledge of sorbon , against all our endeavours . besides all this , we languish also miserably in spain , where clergy-men , if they break their fealty to their lord , are accused of treason ; where ecclesiasticall persons are subject to secular judgment and , if they ●…e sa●…rilegious , are burnt by the ordinary magistrate ; which are doctrines and practices , contrary and dangerous to us . and though they will seem to have given almost half the kingdom to the church , and so to have divided equally : yet those grants are so infected , with pensions and other burdens by which the kings servants , 〈◊〉 the younger sorts of great persons are maintained , that this greatness of the church there , is rather a dropsie then a sound state of health established by well-concocted nourishment , and is rather don to cast an envy upon the church , then to give any true majesty to it . and even in usurping ecclesiasticall iurisdiction ; the kings of spain have not only exceeded the kings of france , but also of britany ; for ( sayes baronius of that king ) there is now risen up a new head , a monster and a wonder : he excommunicates , and he absolves , and he practiseth this power even against bishops , and cordinals . he stops appeals , and he acknowledges no superiority in the sea of rome , but only in case of prevention : and therefore , the name monarch , is a hatefull and execrable name to us . against which , baronius hath thundred with such viol●…e , such ●…ercheffe , and such ●…nesse , that i could hardly , add any thing thereunto , if i should speak ( unspeakable emperor ) with thine own tongue for he calls it an a●…lterine name , and a tower of babel , and threatens destruction to that king ( though himself were his subject ) except he for , beare the name . in the mean time , he resolves him to be a tyrant , and pronounces him to stand yearly excommunicate by the bulla coenae . neither doth he offer to defend himselfe with any other excuse , when a cardinall reprehended his fiercenes toward the king then this ; an imperious zeale hath no power to spare god himselfe . and yet he confesseth , that this zeale was kindled by the popes speciall command , and by his oath taken , as cardinall . neither hath our bellarmine almost any other cause of advancing monarchical government so much as he doth , then thereby to remoove all secular men from so great a dignity , and to reserve it only to the church . it was therefore well done of that rebullus ( who now begins to be known in this state ) when having surfeted with calumnies against the french church and her ministers , he hath dared of late to draw his pen , and to joyne battell against a most puissant forrain prince : he did well ( i say ) and fitly , when he called bellarmine and baronius , the sword and buckler of the roman church . and i cannot choose but thanke him for affoording the title of sword to our order ; as well , because after so many expositions of those words , ( behold , heer are two swords ) which our side hath gathered , to establish a temporall jurisdiction in the pope , and which our adversaries have remooved , worn out , or scorned , this man hath relieved us with a new , and may seem to intend by the two swords , the popes excommunications , and the iesuites assassinates , and king-killings ; as also because he hath reserved to our order that soveraigne dignity , that as god himselfe was pleased , to defend his paradice with fire and sword , so we stand watchfull upon the borders of our church not only provided , as that cherubin was with fire and sword , but with the later invention of gunpouder ; about the first inventour whereof i wonder , why antiquaries should contend , whether it were the devil or a fryer , since that may be all one . but as ( o unspeakable emperour ) you have almost in all things indeavoured to imitate god : so have you most throughly performed it in us ; for when god attempted the reformation of his church , it became you also to reforme yours . and accordingly by your capuchins , you did reform your franciscans , which before we arose , were your chiefest labourers and workmen : and after , you reformed your capuchins , by your recolets . and when you perceived that in the church god , some men proceeded so farre in that reformation , that they endeavoured to draw out , not onely all the peccant and dangerous humours , but all her beauty , and extorior grace and ornament , and even her vitall spirits with her corrupt blood , and so induce a leannesse and ill-favourednesse upon her , and thought to cure a rigid coldness with a fever ; you also were pleased to follow that example , and so in us did reform and awaken to higher enterprises the dispositions as well of the circumcellions as of the assassins : for we do not limit our selves in that low degree of the circumcellions , when we urge and provoke others to put us to death ; not of the assassins , which were hired to kill some kings which passed through their quarter : so we exceed them both , because we do these things voluntarily for nothing , and every where . and as we will be exceeded by none in the thing itselfe : so to such things as may seem mysticall and significant , we oppose mysticall things . and so lest that canon ; that no clergy-man should wear a knife with a point , might seem to concern us , by some propheticall relation , we in our rules have opposed this precept , that our knife be often whetted , and so kept in an apt readiness for all uses : for our divination lies in the contemplation of entrails ; in which , art we are thus much more subtile then those amongst the old romans , that we consider not the entrails of beasts , but the entrails of souls , in confessions , and the e●…trails of princes in treasons whose hearts we doe not beleeve to be with us till we see them : let therfore this pratling secretary hold his tongue , and be content that his book be had in such reputation as the world affords to an ephemerider or yearly almanack , which being accommodated to certain places and certain times , may be of some short use in some certain place and let the ru●…s and 〈◊〉 of his disciples like the canons of provinciall councels , be of force there where they were made ; but only ours which pierce and passe through all : the world , retai●… the strength and vigo●… of universall councels . let him enjoy some honorable place amongst the gentiles ; but abstain from all of our sides : neither when i say , ou●…side , doe i onely mean modern men : for in all times in the roman church there have been friers which have farre ex ceeded machiavel . truly i thought this oration of ignatius very long : and i began to think of my body which i had so long abandoned , lest it should putrifie , or grow mouldy , or be buried ; yet i was loath to leave the stage till i saw the play ended . and i was in hope that if any such thing should befall my body , the jesuits , who work miracles so familiarly , and whose reputation i was so carefull of in this matter , would take compassion upon me , and restore me again . but as i had sometimes observed , feathers or strawes swim on the watersface , brought to the bridge , where through a narrow place the water passes , thrown back , and delay'd ; and having danc'd awhile , and nimbly plaid upon the watry circles , then have bin by the streams liquid snares , and jaws suck'd in , and sunk into the womb of that swoln bourn , leave the beholder desperate of return : so i saw machiavel often put forward , and often thrust back , and at last vanish . and looking earnestly upon lucifers countenance , i perceived him to be affected towards ignatius , as princes , who though they envy and grudge that their great officers should have such immoderate means to get wealth ; yet they dare not complain of it , lest thereby they should make them odious and contemptible to the people : so that lucifer now suffered a new hell : that is , the danger of a popular devill , vain-glorious , and inclined to innovations there . therefore he determined to withdraw himselfe into his inward chamber and to admit none but ignatius : for he could not exclude him who had deserved so well ; neither did he think it safe to stay without , and give him more occasions to amplifie his own worth , and undervalue all : them there in publick , and before so many vulgar devils . but as he rose , a whole army of souls besieged him . and all which had invented any new thing , even in the smallest matters , thronged about him ; and importuned an admission . even those which had but invented new attire for women and those whom pancirollo hath recorded in his commentaries for invention of porcellan dishes , of spectacles , of quintans , of stirrups , and of cavi●…ri , thrust themselves into the troop . and of those which pretended that they had squared the circle , the number was infinite . but ignatius scattered all this cloud quickly by commanding , by chiding , by deriding , by force and violence . amongst the rest , i was sorry to see him use peter aretine so ill as he did : for though ignatius told him true when he boasted of his licentious pictures , that because he was not much learned , he had left out many things of that kind , with which the ancient histories and poems abound : and that therefore areti●… had not onely not added any new invention , but had also , taken away all courage and spu●… from youth , which would rashly trust and nely upon his dillgence , and seek no further , and so lose that 〈◊〉 on●… preti●… 〈◊〉 suoe of ●…quity . he ●…ed moreove●… , that though 〈◊〉 , and others of his order , did use to gold p●…ts and other 〈◊〉 and here i could not ●…huse but wonder , why they have not gel●…ed their 〈◊〉 ed●…on , which in some places hath such obse●…e words as the hebrew ●…gne , which is therfore also called 〈◊〉 , doth so much ahhor , that 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 things can be ●…ed in it , info●…uch 〈◊〉 ( as one of them very sub●…y notes ) the 〈◊〉 of venus is very seldome called ●…hy that name in 〈◊〉 for how could 〈◊〉 wood being not in 〈◊〉 yet ( said h●… ) 〈◊〉 men doe not g●…ld them to that p●…rpose that the memory thereof should he abolished : but that when themselves had first tried whether tyberius his spintria , and martialis symphlegma , and others of that kinde , were not rather chymera's , and speculations of luxuriant wits , then things certain and constant , and such as might b●…educed to an art and method in licentiousnesse , ( for jesuits never content themselves with the theory in any thing , but straight proceed to practice ) they might after communicate them to their own disciples and novitiates : for this church is fruitful in producing sacraments and being now loaded with divine sacraments , it produces morall sacraments . in which , as in the divine , it binds the laity to one species ; but they reserve to themselves the divers forms , and the secrets and mysteries in this matter , which they finde in the authors whom they geld . of which kinde i think they give a little glimmering and intimation , when in the life of their last made coddesse , francisc●… romane , they say , that the bed where she lay with her hisband , was a perpetual martyrdome to her , and a shop of miracles . but for all this , since aretine was one , who by a long custome of libellous and contumelious speaking against princes , had got such a habit , that at last he came to diminish and disesteem god himselfe . i wonder truly , that this arch-iesuite , though he would not admit him to any eminent place in his triumphant church , should deny him an office of lower estimation : for truly to my thinking he might have been fit , either to serve ignatius , as master of his pleasures , or lucifer as his cryer : for whatsoever lucifer durst think , this man durst speak . but ignatius , who thought himselfe sufficient for all uses , thrust him away , and when he offered upward , offered his staffe at him : nor did he use christopher columbus with any better respect ; who having found all ways in the earth and sea open to him , did not fear any difficulty in hell , but when he offered to enter ignatius staid him , and said , you must remember sir , that if this kingdom have got any thing by the discovery of the west indies , all that must be attributed to our order : for if the opinion of the dom●…eans had prevailed , that the inhabitants should be reduced only by preaching and without violence , certainly their of men would scarce in so many ages have been brought to which by our means was so soon performed . and if the law made by ferdinando only against canibals ; that all which would not be christians should be bond slaves , had not been extended into other provinees , we should have lacked men to dig us out that benefit which their countreys afford . except we when we took away their old idolatry , had recompenced them with a new one of o●… , except we had obtruded to those ignorant and barbarous people , sometimes natural things , sometimes artificial , and counterfeit in stead of miracles , and except we had been alwaies ready to convey and to apply this medicine made of this precious american dung unto the princes of europe , and their lord , and councellours , the profit by the only discovery of these places ( which must of necessity be referred to fortune ) would have been very ●…le ; yet i praise your perseverance and your patience which ( since that seems to be your principal vertue ) you shall have good occasion to exercise here , when you remain in a lower and remote●… place , then you think belongs to your merits . but although lucifer being put into a heat and almost smothered with this troop and deluge of pretenders , seemed to have admitted ignatius as his lieatenant , or legat ●…ere , and trusted him with an absolute power of doing what he would , yet he quickly spied his own error and danger thereby . he began to remember how forcibly they use to urge the canon alius ; by which the king of france is said to have been deposed , not for his wickedness , but for his infirmity and unfitness to govern : and that kings do forfeit their dignity if they give themselves to other matters , and leave the government of the state to their officers . therefore lucifer thought it time for him to enter into the business , lest at last ignatius should prescribe therein ; by which title of prescription he well knew , how much the church of rome doth advance and defend itself against other princes . and though he seemed very thankfull to ignatius for his delivery from this importunate company , yet when he perceived that his purpose was to keep al others out , he thought the case needed greater confideration ; for though he had a considence in his own patriarks which had long before possest that place , and in whose company ( as an abbot said to the devil , who after long intermission , now tempted him ) he was grown old , and doubted not but that they would defend their right , and oppose themselvs against any innovation which ignatius should practise , yet if none but he in a whole age should be brought in , he was afraid that this singularity would both increase his courage and spirit , and their reverence and respect towards him . casting therefore his eyes into every corner , at last a great way off he spied philip nerius : who acknowledging in his own particular no especial merit towards this kingdom , forbore to press nearer the gate , but lucifer called to his remembrance , that nerius and all that order , of which he was the author , which is called congregatio oratorii , were erected , advanced , and dignified by the pope , principally to this end , that by their incessant sermons to the people , of the lives of saints , and other ecclesiastick antiquities , they might get a new reputation , and so the torrent , and general superstition towards the iesuits might grow a little remisser , and iuke-warm , for at that time the pope himself began to be afraid of the jesuits , for they begun to publish their paradox of confession and absolution to be given by letters , and messengers , and by that means to draw the secrets of all princes only to themselves ; and they had tryed and sollicited a great monarch who hath many designes upon italy against the pope and delivered to that prince divers articles , for the reforming of him . now the pope and lucifer love ever to follow one anothers example : and therefore that which the one had done in the middle world , the other attempted in the lower . hereupon he called for philip , nerius , and gave him many evidenoes of a good inclination towards him . but nerius was too stupid to interpret them aright . yet ignatius spied them , and before lucifer should declare himself any further , or proceed too farr herein , lest after he were farengaged , there should be no way to avert or withdraw him from his own propositions ( for he saw there must be respect had of his honor and constancy ) he thought it fittest to oppose now at the beginning . he said therefore , that he now perceived that lucifer had not been altogether so much conversant with philip , as with the ●…esuirs , since he knew not how much philip had ever professed himself an enemy to him for he did not only deny all visions and apparitions , and commanded one to spit in maries face when she appeared again , because he thought it was the devil ; and drove away another that came to tempt a sick man , in the shape of a physitian ; and was hardly drawn to believe any possessings ; but when three devils did meet him in the way , to afright him , he neither thought them worthy of any exorcismes , nor so much as the signe of the cross , but meerly went by them , as though he scorn'd to look at them , and so despighted them with that negligence . it may be that he hath drawn others into religion , but himself remained then in the laity ; in so much as i remember , that i used to call him the saints bell , that hangs without , and calls others into the church . neither do they which follow this order , bind themselves with any vow or oath ; neither do i know any thing for which this kingdom is beholding to him , but that 〈◊〉 moved baronius to write his annals . to all this nerius said nothing , as though it had been spoken of some body else . without doubt , either he never knew , or had forgot that he had done those things which they write of him . but lucifer himself took the boldness ( having with some difficulty got ignatius leave ) to take nerius his part : and proceeded so far , that he adventured to say , that baronius , bozius and others , which proceeded out of the hive of nerius , had used a more free , open , and hard fashion against princes , and better provided for the popes direct jurisdiction upon all kingdoms , and more stoutly defended it than they , which undertaking the cause more tremblingly then becomes the majestie of so great a business , adhered to bellarmines sect , and devised such crooked ways , and such perplexed intanglings , as by reason of the various and uncertain circumstances , were of no use : and that whatsoever nerius his schollers had performed , must be attributed to him , as the fruit to the root . ignatius perceiving that lucifer undertook all offices for nerius , and became judge , advocate , and witness , pursuing his former resolution , determined to interrupt him lest when he had inlarged himself in nerius commendation , he should thereby be bound to a reward . he therefore cryed out , what hath nerius done ? what hath he or his followers put in execution ? have they not ever been only exercised in speculations , and in preparatory doctrins ? are these books which are written of the jurisdiction of the pope , to any better use than physicians lectures of diseases , and of medicines ? whilst these receits lie hid in physicians books and no body goes to the patient ; no body applyes the medicines to the disease . what good , what profit comes by all this ? what part , what member of this languishing body have they undertaken ? in what kingdome have they corrected these humours which offend the pope , either by their incision or cauterising ? what state have they cut up into an anatomy ? what sceliton on have they provided for the instruction of posterity ? do they hope to cure their diseases by talking and preaching as it were with charms and enchantments ? if nerius shall be thought worthy of this honour , and this place , because out of his schollers writings something may be gleaned , which may be applyed to this purpose , why should we not have bez●… and caloin , and the rest of that sort here in hell , since in their books there may be some things found which may be rested to this purpose ? but since their scope was not to extirpate monarchies , since they published no such canons and aphorismes as might be applyed to all ca●…es , and so brought into certain use and consequence , but limited theirs to circumstances which seldome fall out , since they delivered nothing dangerous to princes , but where in their opinion , the soveraigntie resides in the people , or in certain ephory , since they never said , that this power to violate the person of a prince , might either be taken by any private man , or committed to him , and that therefore none of their disciples hath ever boasted of having done any thing upon the person of his soveraigne : we see that this place hath ever been shut against them : there have bin some few of them ( though i can scarce afford those men the honour to number them with knox and goodman , and buchanan ) which following our examples , have troubled the peace of some states , and been injurious to some princes , and have been admitted to some place in this kingdome ; but since they have performed nothing with their hands nor can excuse themselves by saying , they were not able : ( for wherein was clement , or ravillac more able than they , or what is not he able to do in the middesof an army , who despiseth his own life ? they scarce ever aspire , or offer at this secret and sacred chamber . lucifer had a purpose to have replied to this : that perchance all their hands which had bin imbrued in the bowells of princes were not so immediatly armed by the iesuites , as that they were ever present at all consultations and resolutions : ( and yet he meant to say this , not as sworn witnesse , but as lucifer himselfe , and the father of lies , in which capacitie he might say any thing . ) but that it was enough that confessors doe so possesse them with that doctrine that it is not now proposed to them as physick , but as naturall food , and ordinary diet ; and that therfore for the performance of these things , a iesuites person is no more requisite , then that the heart of a man , because it sends forth spirits into every limbe , should therefore be present in every limbe : that when it was in use for the consuls of rome for the the safety of their country and army , to devote themselves over to the infernall god , it was lawfull for themselves to abstain and forbear the act , and they might appoint any souldier for that sacrifice : and that so the iesuits for the performance of their resolutions , might stir up any amongst the people : ( for now they enjoy all the priviledges of the franciscans , who say ; that the name of people , comprehends all which are not of their order ; ) and that if this be granted , nerius his schollers are inferiour to none ; with whose bookes ( if all the iesuits should perish ) the church might content her selfe , and never fear dearth nor leanenesse . this lucifer would have spoken ; but he thought it better and easier to forbeare : for he observed , that ignatius had given a sign , and that all his troupes which were many , subtile , and busie , set up their bristles , g●…mbled , and compacted themselves into one body , gathered , produced , and urged all their evidence , whatsoever they had done , or suffered . there the english legion , which was called capestrata , which campian led , and ( as i thinke ) garnet concluded , was fiercer than all the the rest . and as though there had been such a second martirdome to have been suffered , or as though they might have put off their immortallity , they offered themselves to any imployment . therefore lucifer gave nerius a secret warning to withdraw himself , and spoke no more of him ; and despairing of bringing in an other , began earnestly to thinke , how he might leave ignatius out . this therefore he said to him : i am sorry my ignatius , that i can neither find in others , deserts worthy of this place , nor any room in this place worthy of your deserts . if i might die , i see there would be no long strife for a successor : for if you have not yet done that act which i did at first in heaven , and thereby got this empire , this may excuse you , that no man hath been able to tell you what it was : for if any of the ancients say true when they call it pride , or licentiousnesse , or lying ; or if it be in any of the casuists , which professe the art of sinning , you cannot be accused of having omitted it . but since i may neither forsake this kingdome , nor divide it , this only remedy is left : i will write to the bishop of rome , he shall call galilaeo the florentine to him , who by this time bath throughly instructed himselfe of all the hills , woods , and cities in the new world , the moone . and since he effected so much with his first glasses , that he saw the moon in so neer a distance , that he gave himselfe satisfaction of all , and the least parts in her , when now being grown to more perfection in his art , he shall have made new glasses and they received a hallowing from the pope , he may draw the moon , like a boat floating upon the water , as neer the earth as he will. and thither ( because they ever claim that those imployments of discovery belong to them ) shall all the iesuits be transferred , and easily unite and reconcile the lunatick church to the roman church : without doubt , after the iesuites have been there a little while , there will soon grow naturally a hell in that world also : over which , you ignatius shall have dominion , and establish your kingdom and dwelling there . and with the same ease as you passe from the earth to the moon , you may passe from the moon to the other stars , which are also thought to be worlds , and so you may beget and propagate many hels , and enlarge your empire , and come neerer unto that high seate , which i left at first . ignatius had not the patience to stay till lucifer had made an end ; but as soon as he saw him pause , and take breath , and look , first upon his face , to observe what changes were there , and after to cast his eye to another place in hell , where a great noyse was suddenly raysed : he apprehended this intermission , and as though lucifer had ended , he said : that of lucifers affection to the roman church , and to their order , every day produced new testimonies : and that this last was to be accounted as one of the greatest . that he knew well with how great devotion the bishop of rome did ever embrace and execute all councels proceding from him : and that therefore he hoped , that he would reserve that imployment for the iesuits and that empire for him their founder : and that he beleeved the pope had thought of this before ; and at that time when he put parsons the english iesuite in hope of a cardinalship , he had certainely a reference to this place , and to this church : that it would fall out shortly , that all the dammages , which the roman church hath lately suffered upon the earth , shall be recompenced only there . and that now this refuge was opened if she should be reduced into greater streights , or if she should be utterly exterminated , the world would not much lament and mourne for it . and for the entertainment of the iesuites there , there can be no doubt made at this time , when , ( although their profession be to enter whether princes will or no ) all the princes of the world will not only graciously afford them leave to go , but willingly and cheerfully accompany them with certificates , and demissory letters . nor would they much resist it , if the pope himself would vouchsafe to go with them , and so fulfill in some small measure , that prophecie of his gerson , de auferibilitate papae . besides this , a woman governs there ; of which sex they have ever made their profit , which have attempted any innovation in religion ; with how much diligence were the two empresses , pulcheria and eudoxia , solicited by the pope for the establishing of easter ? how earnestly did both pelagius and the pope strive by their letters to draw the empress to their side ? for since iulia had that honour given to her in publique coyns , that she was called the mother of the armie , the mother of the gods , and of the senate , and the mother of her countrey : why may not women instructed by us , be called mothers of the church ? why may not we relye upon the wit of women , when once , the church delivered over her self to a woman-bishop ? and since we are reputed so fortunate in obtaining the favour of women , that women are forbid to come into our houses ; and we are forbid , to take the charge of any nunns ; since we have had so good experience of their favour●… in all the indies , or at least have thought it fit , that they which have the charge to write our anniversarie letters from thence should make that boast , and add something to the truth , both because the ancient heretiques held that course in insinuating their opinions , and because they which are acquainted with our practices , will think any thing credible , which is written of us in that behalf , why should we doubt of our fortune in this queen , which is so much subject to alterations and passions ? she languishes often in the absence of the sun , and often in eclipses falls into swounds , and is at the point of death . in these advantages we must play our parts , and put our devices in practise : for at these times any thing may be drawn from her . nor must we forbear to try what verses and incantations may work upon her : for in those things which the poets writ though they themselves did not believe them , we have since found many truths , and many deep mysteries : nor can i call to minde any woman which either deceived our hope , or escaped our cunning , but elizabeth of england ; who might the rather be pardoned that , because she had put off all affections of women . the principal dignity of which sex ( which is to be a mother ) what reason had she to wish or affect , since without those womanish titles , unworthy of her , of wife and mother , such an heir was otherwise provided for her , as was not fit to be kept any longer from the inheritance . but when i , who hate them , speak thus much in the honour of these two princes , i finde my self carried with the same fury as those beasts were , which our men say , did sometime adore the host in the mass. for it is against my will , that i pay thus much to the manes of elizabeth ; from scorning of which word manes , when the king of great britain writ it , i would our parsons had forborn , since one of our own jesuits useth the same word , when reprehending our adversaries , he saies , that they do insult upon garnets manes . and yet this elizabeth was not free from all innovation ; for the ancient religion was so much worn out , that to reduce that to the former dignity , and so to renew it , was a kinde of innovation : and by this way of innovating she satisfied the infirmity of her sex , if she suffered any : for a little innovation might serve her , who was but a little , a woman . neither dare i say that this was properly an innovation , lest thereby i should confess , that luther and many others which live in banishment in heaven far from us , might have a title to this place , as such innovators . but we cannot doubt , but that this lunatick queen will be more inclinable to our innovations : for our clavius hath been long familiarly conversant with her : what she hath done from the beginning , what she will do hereafter , how she behaves her self toward her neighbour kingdoms , the rest of the stars , and all the planetary , and firmamentary worlds , with whom she is in league and amity , and with whom at difference , he is perfectly instructed , so he have his ephemerides about him . but clavius is too great a personage to be bestowed upon this lunatick queen , either as her counceller , or ( which were more to our profit ) as her confessor . so great a man must not be cast away upon so small a matter . nor have we any other besides , whom upon any occasion we may send to the sun , or to the other worlds , beyond the world . therefore we must reserve clavius for greater uses . our herbestus , or busaus , or voellus ( and these be all which have given any proof of their knowledg in mathematicks although they be but tastless , and childish , may serve to observe her aspects and motions , and to make catechismes fit for this lunatick church : for though garnet had clavius for his master , yet he profited little in the arts , but being filled with bellarmines dictates , ( who was also his master ) his minde was all upon politicks . when we are established there , this will add much to our dignity , that in our letters which we send down to the earth ( except perchance the whole roman church come up to us into the moon ) we may write of what miracles we list : which we offered to do out of the indies , and with good success , till one of our order , in simplicitie , and ingenuity , fitter for a christian , then a jesuite , acknowledged and lamented that there were no wiracles done there . truly it had been better for us to have spit all those five brothers , acostas , out of our order , then that any one of them should have vomited this reproach against us . it is of such men as these in our order , that our gretzer sayes , there is no body without his excrements , because though they speak truth , yet they speak it too rawly . but as for this contemplation , and the establishing of that government , ( though it be a pleasant consideration ) we may neither pamper our selves longer with it now , nor detain you longer therein . let your greatness write , let the pope execute your counsell , let the moon approach when you think fit . in the mean time let me use this chamber as a resting place . for though pope gregorie were strucken by the angell with a perpetuall pain in his stomack and feet , because he compelled god by his prayers to deliver trajan out of hell , and transferre him to heaven , and therefore god , by the mouth of gregorie took an assurance for all his successors , that they should never dare to request the like again : yet when the pope shall call me back from hence , he can be in no danger , both because in this contract god cannot bee presumed to have thought of me , since i never thought of him , and so the contract therein voyd ; and because the condition is not broken , if i be not removed into heaven , but transferred from an earthly hell to a lunatique hell. more then this he could not be heard to speak : for that noyse , of which i spoke before , increased exceedingly , and when lucifer asked the cause , it was told him , that there was a soule newly arrived in hell , which said , that the pope was at last intreated to make ignatius a saint , and that he hastened his canonization , as thinking it an unjust thing , that when all artificers and prophane butchers had particular saints to invocate , onely these spirituall butchers , and king-killers , should have none . for when the jesuit cotton in those questions which by vertue of his invisible priviledge he had provided for a possest person , amongst others , dangerous both to england and france , had inserted this question : what shall i doe for ignatius his canonizing ? and found at last , that philip king of spain , and henry king of france , contended by their ambassadors at rome , which of them should have the honour of obtaining his canonizing ( for both pretending to be king of navarre , both pretended that this right and honour belonged to him ; and so both deluded the jesuits : ) for d alcala a franciscan , and penafort a iacobite , were by philips means canonized , and the jesuite left out . at last he despaired of having any assistance from these princes ; nor did he think it convenient that a jesuit should be so much beholding to a king ▪ since baronius was already come to that height and constancy , that being accused of som wrongs done to his king , he did not vouchsafe to write in his own excuse to the king , till the conclave which was then held , was fully ended , lest ( as himselfe gives the reason ) if he had then been chosen pope , it should be thought he had been beholden to the king therein . for these reasons therfore they labour the pope themselves . they confess , that if they might chuse , they had rather he should restore them into all which they had lost in france and venice , then that ignatius should be sent up into heaven ; and that the pope was rather bound to doe so , by the order which god himselfe seems to have observed in the creation where he first furnished the earth , and then the heavens , and confirmed himselfe to be the israeiltes god by this argument , that he had given them the land of canaan and other temporall blessings . but since this exceeded the popes omnipotence in earth ; it was fit he should try what he could doe in heaven . now the pope would fain have satisfied them with the title of beatus , which formerly upon the intreaty of the princes of that family he had afforded to aloisius gonzaga of that order . he would also have given this title of saint rather to xaverius , who had the reputation of having done miracles . indeed he would have done any thing , so he might have slipped over ignatius . but at last he is overcome ; and so against the will of heaven , and of the pope , lucifer himselfe being not very forward in it , ignatius must be thrust in amongst the saints . all this discourse , i , being grown cunninger then that doctor , gabriel nele ( of whom bartolus speaketh ) that by the onely motion of his lips , without any utterance , understood all men , perceived and read in every mans countenance there . these things as soon as lucifer apprehended them , gave an end to the contention : for now he thought he might no longer doubt nor dispute of ignatius his admission , who , besides his former pretences , had now gotten a new right and title to the place by his canonization ; and he feared that the pope would take all delay ill at his hands , because canonization is now grown a kind of declaration , by which all men may take knowledge , that such a one to whom the church of rome is much beholden , is now made partaker of the principall dignities and places in hell : for these men ever make as though they would follow augustine in all things , and therfore they provide that that also shall be true which he said in this point , that the reliques of many are honoured upon earth , whose souls are tormented in hell. therefore he took ignatius by the hand , and led him to the gate . in the mean time , i , which doubted of the truth of this report of his canonizing , went a little out for further instruction : for i thought it scarce credible , that paulus quintus , who had but lately burdened both the citie of rome , and the church , with so great expences , when he canonized francisca romana , would so easily proceed to canonize ignatius now , when neither any prince offered to bear the charge , nor so much as sollicited it : for so he must be focred to wast both the treasures of the church at once . and from leo . who years after christ , is the first pope which canonized any , i had not observed that this had ever been done : neither doe i think that paulus quintus was drawn to the canonizing of this woman by any other respect , then because that rule which she appointed to her order , was dictated and written by s. paul : for though peter and magdalen , and others , were present at the writing thereof , as witnesses , yet paul was the author thereof . and since st pauls old epistles trouble and disadvantage this church , they were glad to apprehend any thing of his new writing which might be for them , that so this new work of his might bear witness of his second conversion to papistry , since by his first conversion to christianity , they got nothing : for to say that in this business paulus quintus could not chuse but be god , god himselfe to say that he must needs have lived familiarly with the godhead : and must have heard predestination it self whispering to him : and must have had a place to sit in councell with the most divine trinity , ( all which valaderius sayes of him , is not necessary in this matter , wherein the popes for the most part proceed , as humane affections lead them . but at last , after some enquiry , i found that a certain idle gazettior , which used to scrape up newes and rumors at rome , and so to make up sale letters , vainer & falser then the iesuits letter of iapan and the indies , had brought this newes to hell , and a little iesuiticall novice , a credulous soul , received it by his implicit faith , and published it . i laughed at lucifers easinesse to beleeve , and i saw no reason ever after , to accuse him of infidelity . upon this i came back again , to spy ( if the gates were still open ) with what affection ignatius , and they who were in ancient possession of that place , behaved themselves towards one another . and i found him yet in the porch , and there beginning a new contention : for having presently cast his eyes to the principal place , next to lucifers owne throne ; and finding it possest he stopt lucifer , and asked him who it was that sate there . it was answered that it was pope boniface : to whom ▪ as to a principal innovator , for having first challenged the name of universal bishop , that honour was afforded . is he an innovator thundred ignatius ? shall i suffer this , when all my disciples have laboured all this while to prove to the world , that all the popes before his time did use that name ? and that gregory did not reprehend the patriarch iohn for taking to himself an antichristian name , but for usurping a name which was due to none but the pope . and could it be fit for you , lucifer ( who in this were either unmindfull of the roman church , or else too weak and incapable of her secrets and mysteries ) to give way to any fentence in hell , which ( though it were according to truth ) yet differed from the iesuits oracles ? with this ignatius flyes upwards , and rushes upon boniface , and throwes him out of his seat : and lucifer went up with him as fast , and gave him assistance , lest , if he should forsake him , his own seat might be indangered . and i returned to my body ; which as a flower wet with last nights dew , and then warm'd with the new sun , doth shake off agen all drowsiness , and raise his trembling crown , which crookedly did languish , and stoop down to kiss the earth , and panted now to finde those beams return'd , which had not long time shin'd . was with this return of my soul sufficiently refreshed . and when i had seen all this , and consider'd how fitly and proportionally rome and hell answered one another , after i had seen a iesuit turn the pope out of his chair in hell , i suspected that that order would attempt as much at rome . an apology for iesuits . now it is time to come to the apologie for iesuits : that is , it is time to leave speaking of them , for he favours them most , which says least of them ; nor can any man , though he had declaimed against them till all the sand of the sea were run through his hour-glass , lack matter to add of their practises . if any man have a minde to add any thing to this apologie , he hath my leave ; and i have therefore left room for three or four lines , which is enough for such a paradox ; and more than iungius , scribanius , gretzerus , richeomus , cydonius , and all the rest which are used to apologies , and almost tired with a defensive war , are able to employ , if they will write only good things , and true , of the iesuits . neither can they comfort themselves with this , that cato was called to his answer four and forty times : for he was so many times acquitted , which both the parliaments of england and france deny of the iesuits . but if any man think this apology too short , he may think the whole book an apologie , by this rule of their own , that it is their greatest argument of innocency to be accused by us . at this time , whilst they are yet somewhat able to do some harm in some places , let them make much of this apologie . it will come to pass shortly , when as they have bin dispoyled and expelled at venice , and shaked and fanned in france , so they will be forsaken of other princes , and then their own weakness will be their apologie , and they will grow harmless out of necessity , and that which vegetius said of chariots armed with sithes ond hooks , will be applyed to the jesuits , at first they were a terror , and after a scorn . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e place this after paradox xi . fol. . notes for div a -e nuncius ●…ydereus . de stella 〈◊〉 cygno . paleotus de sindone cap. . iosephina di gieron gratian. theod : ni em : nemus unio , tra. . cap. . sedulius apolog. pro libro con form . l. . cap. . harlay defence des iesuites . vollader : decanoniza fran cis ro. in epist. bellar. de purgat . lib. . c. . august de haer. c. harlay . defence dis iesuites mesdi . . bulla in gre●… cont . 〈◊〉 a 〈◊〉 ovius de majest . e●…s . milic . c. mosnes . theor. cap. . imaginarium . q. omnis jactura . modest. in verb. milite . q. . pudor . flagel . daemon . menghi . summa bullarii , verbo agnus dei. litera di diego torres . dist. . qui. ibid. vidua . scappus de jure non script - l. . c. . sum. angel . verb. papa , n : money-takers . theol. niem . nemus unio tract . c. . rod : cupers de eccles : univers : fol. . azor : par : . l. . c : . moscontus de maj. eccl. mil : c : . ibid : idem c : . scappus de iure non scrip : l : . c : . azor : ubi supra . plat : in vit : adr. i. apologia pro garnete . de desperata calv : causa , c. rom : . ribadineyra catal : fol : & . brisson de formul : l : 〈◊〉 gretzer : examen : speculi fol : . l'eschuffier , f : . id : fol : . observat : in cassianum , fol : . ex collat : . triha●…es lib : . c : . de la messe , fol : . synta . tholos : lib . c : . v : . scap : de iure non script : l. . c : . ibid : c : ibid. c. de regno sicil●… ▪ resp. ad card. colum . salmonees . hypocr : l. . aphor. . garrauca stat . synod . n. regul . iesuit . cap. praefect . refector . de rebus ●…uper inventis . harlay defence des iesuit . fol. . valla-der fol. . matalius metellus , praefat . in osorium . paris de puteo , de syndicat . de excess . regn . sophronius cap. . conse●…uerat . vita nerii-fol . . fol. . fol. . fol. . fol. . fol. . fol. . fol. . brisson d●… formul . l. . reinsulk manual . franciscan cap. . nuncius sydereus . e rog. iesuit . f●…l . . lbid . fol. . heissius ad aphor iesuit . fol. . eudaem . ioan. apol . pro garn●… . c. . acosta d●… procur . ind. salu l. , c. . de studiis iesuit . abstrus . c. . bellar. de purg. l. . c. . pierre mathier i. l. . nar. litera ejus ad philip. . gen. . . gen. . . vita ejus epist. ad paul. . l. . de ve●…blig . valade . eius fol. . fol. . notes for div a -e bonar . in ampbitb . lib. . c. . the devil pursued, or, the the right saddle laid upon the right mare a satyr upon madam celliers standing in the pillory : being convicted for the publishing of a late lying scandalous pamphlet called malice defeated &c. / by a person of quality. person of quality. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; 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(eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : , : ) the devil pursued, or, the the right saddle laid upon the right mare a satyr upon madam celliers standing in the pillory : being convicted for the publishing of a late lying scandalous pamphlet called malice defeated &c. / by a person of quality. person of quality. broadside. printed for t. davies, london : . in verse. imperfect: creased and torn, with slight loss of print. reproduction of original in bodleian library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng cellier, elizabeth, fl. . -- malice defeated. satire, english -- poetry -- early works to . broadsides -- london (england) -- th century. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - jonathan blaney sampled and proofread - jonathan blaney text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the devil pursued : or , the right saddle laid upon the right mare . a satyr upon madam celliers standing in the pillory , being convicted for the publishing of a late lying scandalous pamphlet , called malice defeated , &c. by a person of quality . alas , what has this poor animal done , that she stands thus before the rising sun , in all the heats of infamy and disgrace , the sure remarks of a bold brazen-face ? truly for no great hurt , nor for much harm ; only inventing to spill royal blood , to keep it warm ; fire cities , burn houses , and devast nations ; ruine us in all our several stations . but who would think it from the woman fine , a thing whom nature itself has made divine , that she should act such horrid barbarous things , as to design to stab statesmen , and to murder kings ? but here she still appears for her ill acts , like second storms after thunder-claps . philosophers tell us , the best things corrupted are the worst , and from their own fine species are ever curst . when once we take to ill and vices road , we then paint out our selves much like the toad ; since vice not only horrid is from the being of nature , but also from the thing itself , and from its own feature . who makes us look at once , and that several ways , like squinting people , from their false optick rays . this teaches us therefore how a strange a thing is religion , that makes one a vulture , the other a raven , and the other a widgeon ; to be so very false , in the instructing those to commit such horrid acts , and with them close : as what is opened and presented here , by a popish midwife , called madam cellier . go to therefore , all ye papists and men of the red letter , would you but seriously consider of it , you would do much better then plot such secret villanies against the state , the direful operations of your ungodly hate , as wilfully to destroy your fellow-creatures all , and butcher them to their eternal funeral . but , lord , what can these souls plead before thee , when they so wilfully flie to their own misery ? ●urely they are from their father the devil , the great oglio , and composition of all evil ; who delights only in the ruine and destruction of souls , as drunkards do in their inchanted golden bouls : s●nce in one part of hell treason is bred and fed , and in the other drunkenness is in triumph led ; while in the east-corner stabbing and murder leers , at which the devil himself he sports and jeers , to see his dreadful business and his work go on , and men and women brought to destruction by his fair apples , through his intices slie , at his false charms by his damned divinity ; who never rests till he his work has done , and brought his children to his kingdome : since from his fall he only deals in falls , as the pot-companion runs against the walls . therefore as we would escape infamy and punishment here , we must by vertues looking-glass see most clear ; since 't is she only , and that she alone , that must conduct us to our eternal peaceful home , to the heaven of joys , to that bliss above , where all are stroaked by the pigeon and the dove , to wit , by angels , by good men , and all sages , to future times , and to succeeding ages ; while the wicked shall for ever undergo , in hells deep pit everlasting sorrow , as a just reward for treason , murder , and blood , things that will be there most understood : while the saint and bravo lives in glory and pleasure here , as the glorious sun lies coaching in the air : in short , they that like this , i would advise them still to act , proceed , and go forward in ill ; since prisons , the gallows , and scotch casements rare , always provided for malefactors are . poor cellier ! you had better brought to bed any thing , than to have a plot in triumph led , and thus to be received into the worlds charms , by dirt and stones , and other warlike arms. as in a sea-storm , one prays , and the other swears , and all against the furious ocean tears : so you while thus you treated are , still you must dine and sup with the same fare , until the law be satisfied , which will be at noon , and then you may go see the pope of rome ; shew him the instruments by which you pelted were ; tell him , there was for you no better fare : though you desired a cessation from trouble , yet it was denied , because you were a bubble . therefore these stones and dirt ought to be relicks high , and registred in the present popes divinity , until he comes to shew us what he will do , to bring all out-lying deer to sorrow , while the english hunts-men like bid him be quiet , or else they 'll soon prepare him most wholsome diet : since england still , has always hated rome , and every wise man still resolves for home . finis . london : printed for t. davies . . a malicious man makes reasons to the honourable knights, citizens, and burgesses, in parliament assembled. the humble petition of prince butler prays ... butler, prince. approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing m a estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a malicious man makes reasons to the honourable knights, citizens, and burgesses, in parliament assembled. the humble petition of prince butler prays ... butler, prince. sheet ([ ] p.) s.n., [london : ?] title from heading and first lines of text. imprint from wing. a satire of james butler, duke of ormonde. reproduction of the original in the harvard university library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng ormonde, james butler, -- duke of, - -- early works to . satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - emma (leeson) huber sampled and proofread - emma (leeson) huber text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a malicious man makes reasons . to the honourable knights , citizens , and burgesses . in parliament assembled . the humble petition of prince butler prays your honours if you think it good countenance , or no good countenance , right , or wrong , money , or no money , bawdy , or not bawdy , bastard , or no bastard , irish or no irish , alive , or dead , to desire his majesty and secretary , by an address , ( whether they are , or will be ill inform'd , or not ) to give or not give him positively without blushing , trembling , doubting , undervaluing , or scorning , an open general letter to their ambassadors abroad , that the ambassador where he arrives , ( whether he is or will be ill informed or not ) may desire the king , or prince with his secretary , to hear himself read his grievances publickly or privately before them , and after a clear hearing to answer him as they please ; and the said ambassador may give , or not give him bed , and bread , until he gets his answer in writing , or not in writing from court. and he prays your honours , to desire his majesty to give , or not give him travelling-money to vienna , the emperors court , and he will pray . one reason is good until another is told , and sometimes both reasons are good ; and the injurer makes reasons . the petitioner prays to be heard at your bar and he prays your honours to give , or not give him a certificate of all the villanies and shams , you may or shall hear reported of him by orders of prince pamphylion to the king , or your selves , without saying any thing to the contrary . he prays your ignorant honours , ill informed or not , disdainful or not , scornful or not , purse-proud or not , bribed any of you all in general or not , to read this present case nicely . and attentively , from the first to the last word in it ; like honourable , famous , sensible , attentive , just , judicoius , pious , and compassionate judges , as ye are , and ought to be ; and not to use it as young , or old rich or poor malicious people uses often cases and papers ; and not to own and prove the king and your selves barbarous , cruel , and inhuman people , to himself , in incredible afflictions and miseries these . years . mr. hampdens speech occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text r in the english short title catalog (thomason .f. [ ]). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page image. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a wing d a thomason .f. [ ] estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (thomason tracts ; : f [ ]) mr. hampdens speech occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir, - . sheet ([ ] p.) s.n., [london : ] verse - "but will you now to peace encline,". anonymous. by sir john denham. imprint from wing. a satire. annotation on thomason copy: "march. . ". reproduction of the original in the british library. eng hampden, john, - -- early works to . satire, english -- th century. london (england) -- history -- th century -- early works to . great britain -- history -- civil war, - -- early works to . a r (thomason .f. [ ]). civilwar no mr. hampdens speech occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace. denham, john, sir d the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the d category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - mona logarbo sampled and proofread - mona logarbo text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion mr. hampdens speech occasioned upon the londoners petition for peace . but will you now to peace encline , and languish in the maine designe , and leave us in the lurch ; i would not monarchy destroie , but only as the way t' injoy the ruines of the church . is not the bishops bill deni'd , and we still threatned to be tri'd ? you see the king embraces those counsells he approv'd before , nor does he promise which is more that we shall have their places . did i for this bring in the scot , ( for'tis no secret now ) the plot was s●y's and mine together ; did i for this returne againe ? and spent a winter then in vaine once more t' invite them hither . though more our money then our cause their brotherly assistance drawes my labour was not lost ▪ at my returne i brought you thence necessity , their strong pretence , and this shall quit your cost did i for this my country bring , to helpe their knight against their king , and raise the first division ; yet i the businesse did decline though i contriv'd the whole designe , and taught them to petition . so many nights spent in the city in that invisible committee , the wheele that governs all ; from thence the change in church & state and all the mischiefes beares their date from haberdashers hall . did we force ireland to despaire ? upon the king to cast the war to make the world abhor him ; because the rebels used his name , though we our selves can doe the same while both alike are for him . then the same fire we kindled here whilst we pretend to quench that there , and wisely lost that nation ; to doe as crafty beggars use to maine themselves only t' abuse the simple mans compassion . have i so often past between winsor and westminster unseen ? and did my selfe divide , to keep his excellence in awe , and give the parliament the law , for they knew none beside . did i for this take paines to teach our zealous ignorance to preach , and did their lungs inspire read 'em their texts , shew'd them their parts and taught them all their little arts to fling abroad the fire sometimes to beg , sometimes to threaten ? then say the cayaliers are beaten , and strooke the peoples ears ▪ and straight when victories grow cheap , and will no more advance the heap to raise the price of fears ▪ and now the books , and now the bells , and now our arts the preacher tells to edifie the people ; all our divinity is news , and we have made of equall use the pulpit and the steeple . and shall we kindle all this flame only to put it out againe , and must we now give ore , and only end where we begun , in vaine this mischiefe we have done if we can do no more . if men in peace may have their right , where is this necessity to fight and break both law and oath ? who say that they fight for the cause , and to defend the king and laws , but'tis against them both . either the cause at first was ill , or being good it is so still , and thence they will infer that either now , or at the first they were dceived , or which is worst that we our selves may erre . but plague and famine will come in , for they and we are near of kin , and cannot go asunder ▪ for while the wicked starve indeed , the saints have ready at their need gods providence and plunder . princes we are if we prevaile , and gallant villaines if we faile when to our fame 't is told , it will not be our least of praise when our new state we could not raise we have destroi'd the old . then let us slay , fight , and vote till london be not worth a groat , oh 't is a patient beast , when we have gal'd and tir'd that mule ▪ and can no longer have the rule ▪ wee le have our spoile at least . finis . the philosophers satyrs, written by m. robert anton, of magdelen colledge in cambridge anton, robert, b. or . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the philosophers satyrs, written by m. robert anton, of magdelen colledge in cambridge anton, robert, b. or . [ ], p. : ill. printed by t[homas] c[reede] and b[ernard] a[lsop] for roger iackson, and are to be sold at his shop in fleetstreet, ouer against the great conduit, london : . in verse. printers' names from stc. p. misnumbered . reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - apex covantage keyed and coded from proquest page images - judith siefring sampled and proofread - judith siefring text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the philosophers satyrs , written by m. robert anton , of magdalen colledge in cambridge . gaude , quod spectant oculi te mille loquentem : quicquid sub terra est , in apricum proferet aetas . london , printed by t. c. and b. a. for roger iackson , and are to be sold at his shop in fleetstreet , ouer against the great conduit . . to the right honovrable , william , lord herbert earle of pembrooke , baron of cardiffe , marmion , and saint quintin , one of his maiesties most honourable priuie counsell , and knight of the most noble order of the garter . robert anton wisheth a happy life militant and triumphant . i remember ( right honourable , the whining complaint of the poet concerning vertue : credo pudicitiam saturno : rege moratam delapsum in coelis : 't is the iron age , and vertue must haue estredge like concoction , or else die in an hospitall for want of a patron . t is well she is stellified in heauen : for earth is her locall place of torment : i haue been a sad spectator of her iniuries , and deplore her miserable exile ; yet her ecclipse by the interposition of vice is not a totall defect of her heauenly light , but partiall and limited , yet how prodigious it is , the tragicall changes of this age can truly prophesie . some surgeon might haue begd a dead body from the fanges of execution , whose anotomy might haue taught the age the constitution of vice , impostumated with murder and hot raind affections . my prayer is more charitable , then cynicall to wish any plants of such an vnfortunate tree , i haue seene vice adored with her superstitious imagerie , and i wish all true protestants to vertue rather to die martyrs , then reuolt from her profession , in whose faith your honour is held a most religious professor , the sects of vice are more then in amsterdam , to whose errors i oppose my booke , as an eager disputant . the motions of this planitarie satire are regular and presented in a maske of a seuenfold vniformity . appeare philosopher in thy vndaunted humor of grauity , & spit defiance in the face of scurrile satirrisme : lend heauenly whipcord , and borrow correction from the sunne : fetch blood from the whole body of nature , and the sixe planets lay on load on the stigmatick shoulders of vice . this book was conceiued in dog-daies , and must bite , the signe is in scorpio , and the planets in their most criticall mansion . be as the world thinkes you , vertuous , and reade this booke with a more then laurell resolution . the thunder hath no power ouer a consecrated and vertuous mind , it smites onely strong timbred villanies . kings haue accepted rootes from a philosopher : the gift is small : yet it calls you lord , and me master . a satire is musicke worthie of pithagor as his opinion , especially , when the planets dance a heauenly lauolto , they are nimble spirited and actiue , and onely hope for the passiue part of your noble patronage . your honours obliged robert anton. to the covrteovs and iudicious reader . who ere thou art , that art intellectuall , be thou my organist , and let thy soule , which with philosophers is but a harmonie , keepe time with this musicall maske of the spheares . i haue laboured here to present art and nature without their vgly periwiggs of obsceane and shallow poetry , and haue distinguisht the confusion of time from a graue and methodical dialect . how poore and naked doth that labour appeare , that hath no other clothes , but the sustian of apes , and base imitation : how like a bedlam looks a poet by nature , that neuer writes but in full moones of surfets , and bacchanalian quotations of young gentlemens ruins and dice consuming lordships : how poore a graduate is learning , whē it keeps acts in tenebris , & murders the presse with fellonious pamphlets stolne frō the imperfections of their deerest friends , nay , purloined frō their own scabbed dispositions , and vlcerous inclinations : i must confesse my selfe to bee a sorrowfull patient in my owne defects , yet a phisicall proficient in their remedies . i take no pleasure in the incision of other men . onely i reade an anotomie lector of their vices . comment vpon me with iudgement , not censure , and thou shalt find thy soule brimfull of emulation , but void of enuie : for others that are not borne with a generous infusion , i hold with galen , that the temperament of their soules , followes the temperament of their grosse and sottish bodies ; and therefore basely vncapable . thine as thy iudgement is . r. a. in satyras dignissimas et vere phylosophicas amici sui verissimi roberti anton. incipe , sis primus sophiae , qui mystica iura in satyras vertens crimina vera canit , phylosophus verus sis : nominis ellumon inde sit : tibi s●m philos , tu mihi ( chare ) sophos . to his 〈◊〉 friend . r. a. deesert and praise are twins . the first being quicke , the second still is so ; or if it die , then is the first too sound , or else too sicke , and so may dye in grace , or enuies eye . but this with wonder in my stomacke stickes , that satyrs wrapt but in base balladrie are praisd beyond the moone ( of lunatickes ) as being sun-begot ; so cannot die . needs must i hugge the muse , and praise the pen of him , that makes his satires dance a brall vnto the musicke of the spheares , euen then when as the planets footed it withall : thou sharply singst , but he the burden beares , that would haue songe more sharpe but for his eares . i. d ▪ to the avthor . well may we praise those books , that bring vs store . of profit with their pleasure : here to fore th' art of astronomie was such tough meate , it almost broke our teeth , ere we could eate . ●●t thou with quaint and curious dressing hast made it melt now like hon●● ●n the 〈◊〉 . and sith heauen 's so farre 〈◊〉 one easily may goe thither ( for 't is vphill all the way ) thou , to saue vs the paine , of trauelling , thus ( iudicious writer ) bringst the heauens to vs ; makst the starres serue as letters , by which we may reade the secrets of astronomie . yet winn'st thou not ( graue tutor ) more respect when thou didst teach , then when thou dost correct . the golden age is past , iron the worst is onely left , and that 's halfe eate with rust : rough files and corsiue waters , onely may ( for oyle does no good ) fetch this rust away , well therefore hast thou chose , with satyricke rimes , to whip and fetch blood from these bedlam times , so wise physitians , when they see bad blood , open a veine , that they may make it good , p. b. medii temp. the philosophers seven satyrs , aluding to the seuen planets . and first of his section of heauen . there was a time before all time begun , vvhen the proud iennets of the radiant sunne vvere scarce deliuered from the wombe of night , and backt by circular motion , when all light , soiourn'd with darknesse , and this glorious ball had neither forme nor soule angelicall , to moue those orbes aboue as some propound with rauishing musicke , or such heauenly sound , as that great distance of those rowling spheares , barres from the organs of all humane eares , vvhen neither sea , nor bind coopt in a ring , keept their conseruatiue place , nor any thing had an essentiall forme , or element , circle or center had true complement of art or nature : but when heauen and earth had from confusions bowels knawne the birth of this faire child nam'd cosmos , the mouers eie distinguisht this faire obiect of the skie from his disordred masse with all this globe , and suted it in farre more formall robe of quantitie and figure . then began all lights to light the makers darling ( man : ) for which indeer'd creation and respect this microcosme of man was made errect with vpright speculation , lineally to view this rich imbrodred cannopie of those coelestiall bodies ; and begin 〈◊〉 crie , heauen is my countrie , earth my inne : but leauing him to heauen , of earth we sing , as being of the world , the perfects thing in the creations wonder , and the end of our aspiring hopes , which we ascend , 〈◊〉 to our locall blisse , and naturall place , to end euen there , where neuer ended grace . of heauen . this glorious globe of heauens resplendent ball , trapt richly with his lights pontificall . fountaine of motion , by which euery starre is whirld from east to west orbicular in foure and twentie houres , as shepheards say , trotting the circuite of the naturall day , is of no frame nor forme geometricall , but round of body , and as sphericall , as the egyptian sages did compare the winding snake vnto the circled yeere : for of all figures this doth best appeare , euery way shewing a iust hemis pheare , bending vpon it selfe : most capable to comprehend this frame so strong and able to boulster vp this loade , and ponderous frame , as it hath neither ioynts , but still the same : keeping his actiue body aply sound as it is iointlesse , pointlesse , endlesse , round : now whether this pure quintessence of nature be euerliuing , or a dying creature : or whether that diuine intelligence , that giues to heau'n his turning excellence giue essence , or assistance , as without , the soule that moues it , it were still from doubt of what we call it now , as ships that scowre the oceans curled billowes , by the powre and cunning of the pilote : eu'n to that clime where that great idoll gold , saint of the time , to whom the indian pilgrimes sacrifice such three yeares hecatombs of widowes cries , speaking in golden oracles of drosse , the brusses murmure and the mariners losse , and yet at last returne with crazed slides , with grasse-greene ribs furd with tempestuous tides with two or three aliue , the pilotes hand guiding the sickely vessell to the land , by which we see his forme and name he saues , although the pilotes motion plowes the waues with card and compasse : so in naturall sense heau'n takes no forme from his intelligence , which onely , like a pilote sweetly steeres the harmony of nature in the spheares : with powre assistent , and their motions carrie with certaine lawes , and statutes voluntarie , that as when euery element doth striue to moue vnto his place conseruatiue : as being so imperfect and so base , that they must pine and die without a place and locall conseruation , yet is heau'n a creature of such a perfect quintessense of nature , that it esteemes not place for conseruation , but to another end of generation , moues with his powerfull influence : whence began our schooles to ring the sun and man get man : but leauing these to treade the thornie maze of schoole-cram'd sophistrie : againe we raise our haughtie muse to flie with sollid wings , and search with starres and subcelestiall things : for since we see , that by the loadstones might the yron age is drawne ; where with delight , the readers eye doth fansie , and mens wits like bagpipes sound , no sound but pleasant fits : we are resolu'd to plucke such fruits from schooles , and once to please physitians , knaues and fooles : for to all these i know our booke shall come : packe doctor to thy vrine , and be dumbe the sottish empericke , onely fooles haue land , and so haue countrey-knights : these , these command the muses sonnes with an idolatrous knee to pray to angels , or a noble fee of some poore pamphlet . hence bastards to your sire : whilest we reuiue our quicke promothean fire : the number of these turning spheares of heauen , some say but nine , others affirme eleuen : which all diuines more full of holy fire nam'd sacred hirarchies : where the blest quier of heauenly angels and true martirs rides that with triumphant wreaths shall iudge the tribes . the order of the orbes caelestiall are numbred thus : the first imperiall so called of the greekes , as being a place most full of holy light and angels grace , whose blessed soules from passion doe suruiue their substance onely being definitiue : not circumscriptiue as our bodies be , with the aires cincture or concauitie , their bodies free from any locall span , of grose dimensions , or precinctes of man ; and therefore in one bodie spirits dwell all in one place , more then large art can tell : for round about the iust mans life and merits , million of angels , and bright flaming spirits , shall at one time , and in one place vnite , their most regardant powers infinite , and vnextended in our bodies moue , with subtill motion from their place aboue , either to saue with a protectors will , heauens glorious darling , or by their power distill , with whippes of vengeance by their power diuine , in legions name possessing men and swine . this heauen the seate of those most happie soules , whose summum bonum all true blisse enrowles , was that third heauen , whose glorious excellence most sweetly rauisht pauls admiring sence . that steept in loethe of so blest a trice , he prayes to be disolued to paradice : and gorg'd with holy raptures full of grace , he sings th' abysse blisse riches of that place . the second , is the primum mobile , so called by sages in philosophie , because , as from so cleare and christall spring proceeds the birth , death , motion of each thing , being the first , that in his iust carrere , deriues all motion to each second spheare , and yet himselfe in golden meane doth ride equall in motion , like the sacred guide of some prime reuerent prelat , whose great sea is mou'd with hauenly regularite , diuine in motion , and diuine in place : free of his learned influence , rich in grace : oh pardon me dull age , if i proclaime his venerable life , more then his name suparlatiuely gratious , barke heriticks to see . such metropolitan vniformitie , vvhilest your great fisherman in tibers flood shall moue in purple streames of royall blood , and with disorderd orders turne the keyes to locke young fooles in limbo : and with ease martyr a fond apostate , who reconcild by a graue goate-like father liues exild , in some sulphureous troope of iesuites : whose powder-treason-collidges inuites a tiborne resolution : whether sent or come dies traitors here , and halter saints at rome : but with a certaine order , moues our heau'n , not swift nor slow , but paraleld and euen : from whence we truly know , and can define her motion heauenly , and write it in the line of orthodoxall faith : which moouing stands on peters rocke , and not on peters sands . the third in order of these things diuine , is that bright heauen transparent , christaline , hauing no twinkling starre , or glistering pride , but like some waterie body clarified , from whēce some say , that whē the world was made , and that great elohim the globes bases laid , dispersing darkenesse , and the tenebrous night to formes of beautie , and celestiall light , that then his mightie spirit heauen did moue to seperate those waters from aboue from these below : and to this element , to place his likenesse in the firmament : for since we see , that seaes with earth compare , and heauen with earth in things that likely are . the earth brings foorth the dog , the foamie maine , and heauen it selfe equiuocates the same , when with his singing and canicular beames he bakes the earth , and dries the christall streames : and therfore with harmonious consent , heauen hath proportion to this element . and thus we reade in natures characters like liues with like to shun intestine warres . the fourth heau'n is that glorious spangled globe embost with starres , and like a gorgeous robe , purl'd ore with natures ape , and zany-art trailes downe his starrie traine , and doth impart day to black night , and with his groue of starres , ( like candles ) shine to wind wrackt marriners , some fixt , some wandring in their tinsell'd orbe : whose number fixt , philosophers record , to be one thousand two and twentie cleare , well knowne vnto the sea-cuft ma●riner . by these the iocund boateson at first sight , soust with the ruffin seaes , and scratch with might , whistle a maine , and from the hatches skip , the nimble squires of the dancing ship , and fearelesse kick the billowes with disdaine , tearing the curled bowels of the maine . these giue propension to each mans deffects , and by their fatall influence and aspects besides that vniuersall prouidence , on whose great nod depends each consequence of second causes : from their crittick powers at caesars birth acts caesars tragick howers . but if their kind coniunctions smiling meete our first natiuitie , and with a sweet and iouiall dalliance in a golden shower . kindly imbrace our first conceptions hower , then shall augustus , though but meane by birth , sway seuen hill'd rome , and taxe the verge of earth . foot-boyes shall pearch with kings , & tanners ride on great seianus courser side by side with some most lordly consull : rearemice flie by daylight with the eagles maiestie , and will not reason mount agathocles ( the potters sonne ) to the piramides of honour and high state : what vertue marres , and hates in fooles shall prosper by their starres : yet feare not thou , whose crabbed fate suspends thy fortune progresse , and whose learned ends aimes at eternitie , though whipt with need and dogged censure ; and whose wounds doe bleed with times incision sterne authoritie dissecting arts like an anotomie , reading their physick lectures to the eares of our contempts to greatnesse , great in feares and pale suspects , who iealious of deserts , doe sepulcher aliue both armes and artes for thou in spight of their maleuolent rage , times simony , and furie of the age , ecclipses , and all planetarie hate , like a byssextile-yeere shalt leape thy fate : wise men like sluces in the plague of warres , were made to rule , those onely rule the starres , nor can base gypses tell them of their fate : impostors , with their figures calculate of blacke futuritie : astrologie diuine the ascendent fortune of their heauenly signe : for wise men are not borne as midwiues be , to waite on luckie howres , or for the fee , of bisket influence , their vertue barres the superstition of such gossipping starres . but more then man , his reason rules the skies , his manhood shares a godhead , that is wise : in this faire starrie mirrour of the skie , damaskt with beautie and varietie of thousand constellations , whose cleare flames , are knowne in maps by their celestiall names : for there the faire oryon and the beare , maior and minor grace this hemispheare , swift pegasus and perseus ( radiant light ) burnish the tan'd face of the blackemores night : bright cassiopeia and ioues eagles shines , besides the constellations of the signes , which euery foole in physicke can make good , their vse in purges , pills , and letting blood . and euery almanacke druggest poorely read , can tell what witlesse signe raignes in his head . but leauing these beyond their yearely date to smoke an indian sulphure , we create againe our hallowed altars , and in fires of morrall vowes our sacred muse aspires . tell me thou graue and mightie stagerite orac●lous schocleman , whose deluding light the lothsome epicure and horrid sect of damned atheisme follow with direct and eager sent : what genius could deuise , to spread so large , such monstrous heresies , that euen besides graue orpheus , and the rest , proclus and plinie , and the learned brest of sharpe auerroes , christian atheists crie , the world 's eternall , and shall neuer die , vvhen by the state of starres we may discrie , the world 's firme ruin and mortalitie . and platoes creature hauing life and breath as they decline , shall languish vnto death . and as a crazed bodie full of howers , renders his siluer head , and vitall powers , ( his radicall moisture spent , and euery part , gasping for motion , from the panting hart ) to natures disolution : so shall passe both heauen and earth vnto their pristine mars , although some say , that this great continent , and all this glorious guilt-hatcht firmament shall change his forme , and accidentall frame , although the part substantiall be the same , alleaging for their weake philosophie , this sacred place of sweet diuinitie . yet by the fall of starres our reasons prooue a totall wrack of earth and heauen aboue . for first we see the sunne , whose bright carrier trots through the ring of time , and dates the yeer in his diurnall progresse : now declines , more neere the earth , then in the former times , when learned ptolome obserued the starres , their houses , signes , and different characters . cheering old ops , now doting with long daies , vvith cordiall flames , and charitable rayes , that else in this consumption would exspire , vvanting so bright a nurse , whose cheering fire restores her health with his preseruatiue cure , adding new life to her old temperature : besides infection of each element , corruption of the purest temperament : physitions now turne satyrs , and complain , that nature is a stepdame in the frame of this last age : when croking rauens sing , their liues large charter merrier then a king . the stately stag a hundred yeares shall graze , but man to wormes meate turnes in fewer dayes : pigmies for gyants , that with babell power were wont to scale the high olympiade tower , and wrastle with the gods : now dwarfes are borne , ne're made to fight , but made to natures scorne : the arcadian kings two hundred yeares did liue , but now the thriftie heauens doe scarcely giue halfe of that pension to the noblest man , his graue but sixe foot long , his life a span : vvhich shewes the world corrupted from his best , declines his setling progresse to the west ; for since all things from their sincere creation couet absurdities in generation : and euery thing steales to his priuatiue end . starres fall from their degrees , planets descend to comfort the poore centers feebled vaines drooping vnto his chaos , with long paines and aged barrennesse : man that noble creature , scanted of time , and stinted by weake nature , that in foretimes saw iubiles of yeares , as by endimions historie appeares : nay , which is more , euen silly women then , liu'd longer time , then our graue graye beard men : aged terentia learned tullies wife , aboue an hundred yeares spun out her life , the politicks of state , that from their hiue , distill sweet maximes , how great kingdomes thriue , their stinglesse king , that raignes in sweete increase , swarming in nectard prouinces of peace : which when his honie-grace , in progresse flies , a busie guard , with argus iealous eies , attends their dailie - king : in which we see , kings supreame heads , what subiects ought to bee : if then this sillie emblem , in disguise , and more sententious clouds can moralize , such high occurrences , and intricate , to tutor solon in affaires of state : what fearefull palsie should my pen confine , since the sunne's like a king : kings , sunne-like shine ? for , marke ; the more this kingly planet goes to his meridian zenith , the more he throwes his warmth vpon vs ; and the more erect , in his bright noone-carreer , he doth reflect his beames in double lines , the more doth spring and prosper mines , plants , each vegetiue thing : likewise to kings , such vertue we applie , whose royall progresse of true regencie , in his meridian lustre , is desir'd still to runne higher , and to rule admir'd , not fear'd , but lou'd ; a happie prop of state ; loue ties allegeance ; feare , ( but to god ) is hate : yet godly feare and loue to kings we owne ; who feares not them , for iustice can loue none : eu'n apes at full-moone dance ; then why not more , subiects at fuller glory , kings adore : he whose fox't sense , of innouations dreames , 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 light ; but die in darke extreames : no longer shall our peacefull shadowes runne , when in an equall circle , rides our sunne : which , while there is a sunne to measure time , may our sunne shine , within this brittish clime : and with his royall race , run through the signes of enuy and blacke treason , of the times : as at his birth , dame nature hath exprest , bearing the signe of leo in his crest : for by old sawes in prophecies foretold the comming of this northerne lion bold : the signe of scorpio , and the vipers-brood , gowries blacke treason euer shal make good : and that , which last , this fatall signe doth tell , was that sulphureous practice , hatcht in hell , which since our sun hath past ; swimme peters keies in tibers flood of your damn'd treacheries . since in the voice of god , the people crie , liue still our radiant sunne of maiestie : and measure out the autum , winter , spring , in libra's signe : 't is iustice crownes a king : giue light and motion , vnto each degree , onely retaine thy influence vprightly . but those , like artelesse masters , doe commence masters of art , though not arts excellence : yet , like the sunne , kings may their beames disperse , with generall freenesse to the vniuerse : and shine on common weedes , and fragrant flowers , poore ruin'd houses : and more loftie towers : giue life to insect creatures , and create , of things corrupted , things to generate : there 's not a flie , a waspe , a scarabee , but shares the sunne , with caesars maiestie : since then , the sunne-beames are diffus'd to all , and to the barbarous moore , and christian fall in direct equall lines : what foole , precise , can question his free beautie how to rise : if oracles on socrates bestow a golden triuet : who dare answere no. princes are oracles , from whom no cause , can be demanded , onely willes are lawes : sunnes vnconfin'd , to shine where they shall please , to hide - scorcht indians : or the antipodes : yet were they gods , and infinite to sense , vntide to circles ; or circumference of mortall limitation : being diuine , yet there are some things , that eu'n them confine from absolute freedome : as not to haue a will , to couet contradictions , or doe ill ; both which , so stint the vniuersall grace to perfect actions : that it leaues no place to vnproportion'd freedome : which in kings , infinite in power , finite conditions brings : besides , the sunne , doth grace this hemispheare with orientall beautie , bright and cleare : so , when our brittish sunne , rose from his east , his kingly beames , with triple honours blest , burnisht our mufled darknesse , with such rayes , as gaue a spritefull length , to our blacke dayes : the troubled ayre , ingrost with icie-feares , daun'st at the musick , of the iocund spheares : that then , if er'e pythagoras did not lie , in diapasons , kept true harmonie : full constellations , in his issue shine , whose sweete reflection , euen to wealthie rhine : so dazels admirations feeble sense , as if the sunne paid vse for influence from this bright treasure : and so , bankrout , runne , that yeeres , and daies , exchang'd for such a sunne : whose beames , so furnisht forraine climes with light , that there our morning-starre , chaste vgly night to his first blacke confusion : and the morne laught with a roasie-cheeke : when first was borne light , from our light : still may our new hopes shine , like fixed starres orbd in the palatine : here could my muse turne courtier , and direct , her motion , to their motion and aspect : and with a glozing quill insinuate , into the breast of greatnesse , and of state : and ( ianus-like ) with complementall grace , gaze on these sunne-beames , with a dubble face . but that my dutie , bids me shew my hart ; ladies , not subiects faces , studie art : which in this zealous morall , i haue done , by iacobs-staffe , to looke on iacobs sonne : but from the king of light i now decline , to sing of lights , that by his lights doe shine : lest in this ticklish point of state i treade to much : such feares saue many a noble head . reverendissimo in christo patri domino archiepiscopo , totius angliae primo & metropolitano , faustam & inexhaustam precatur , musarum par pusillus , robertus anton , salutem in domino . of saturne . ♄ reuerentiae tuae , sanae , cōscientiae , fidei , et ceteris virtutis tuae dotibus deuotissimus ; minutissimus ego huius mundi atomus , gratiae tuae solare iubar iubeo saluere . inter tantam huius venenosae aetatis caligantem miseriam , ecce quam diaphanum et perspicuum apparet tuae virtutis lumen , inter tant as et prodigiosas honoris ecclipses , et defectus , sphaera tui solis nullam patitur vim , aut conscientiae , aut famae : sed apud antipodes , et homines ecclesiae oppositos , maximam consequitur laudem ; et aeternum memoriae obeliscum . o gloriosum monumentū , quod nec aes cyprium , sed virtutis extruxit artificiū : sed ô tempora ( clamant aulici ) de veneno ! causidici deiure corrupto ! clerici de beneficio ! quis iupiter haec suspiria demulcet ; sunt haec mortalium communia ( absit ) vt sint prodigia in hac catholica lacrymarum abysso , sympathia quadā patior ego academicus , quis satyromastix mordicus , non erit impatiens ? ●ū monstra haec cū tanto strepitu tam horrendum emittunt foetum ; et terra , cum coelo patitur violentiam : heu quanta patimur ! cum musarum alumni fulmine hoc attoniti obstupescimus : modulamur lepidè , viuimus misere : non vbera porrigit mater academia : vae nobis apud ecclesiasticos darivacuum ; apud philosophos nequaquam clamitant vulgi , non esse motum generationis , sed corruptionis : haec communis glossa populi ; hinc lachrimae nostrae ; hinc singultus , et gemitus virtutis penè sepultae : quae adeo squalida , et pannosa apparet : vt nulla fides fronti : asylum tuum inter haec efflagito : tu qui atheis strenue effulges obstaculum , mihi adsis et opusculo , propugnaculum , quod scripsi , tua venerabili , et paterna indulgentia , nullam patietur apostasiam , aut authorem suum abnegabit : lurida aetas suauiorem non meretur fabulam , aut cantilenam ; quàm vitiosam illius corruptelam acctoso plectro profligare ; cetera sileo : supplex pro tua in terris vita , in coelis corona , militans ego non triumphans musophilos finem impono . gratiae tuae et summae pietati deuotissimus robertus anton. the philosophers second satyr of saturne . ♄ the next aboue this kingly planets place , highest of all , is saturn's fullen face : pale , and of ashie colour , male content ; a catelline , to mortall temperament : that would blow vp the capitol of man with enuious influence ; melencholy , wan , and much resembling , a deepe plodding pate , whose sallow iawbones , sinke with wasting hate at others streames of fortunes ; whil'st alone his shallow current dries with lasting moane : and if there hate be in a heauenly brest , this plannet with that furie is possest ; suspending our propention , with bad fate , inspiring tragick plots , of death and hate ; torturing our inclinations ( like a wrack ) to dismal proiects , ominous , and black prodigious thoughts , and deepe-fetcht treacheries , beating the skul with sullen phantasies . and marke what downe-cast looks we see in nature , this planet fathers for a fatall creature : and each profound plot , drawne from sullen earth , from saturn's spirit , is inspir'd with birth : and yet philosophers affirmed thus , that saturnists were most ingenious ; who long retaine their great italian-hate , wittie in nothing , but things desperate ; to glut reuenge , with studious memorie of shallow wrongs , or some slight iniurie . vvhich if this be his wit to study ill , take my wits mad-man , leaue me simple still : vnder this dogged starre , th' infected moode of discontented graduates , hatch their broode , flying like swallowes from the winters frost to warme preferment , in a forren coast ; and there vent all their long digested hate in scandalous volumes gainst the king and state. flying from tarsus to proud niniuie , recusants both in faith and loyaltie ; apostates in religion when they please , brauely to mount the crosse , they crosse the seaes . these from this humerous planet suck their birth , leauing deepe wounds vpon their mother earth : what cause hath mou'd thee , thou deep malecontent , to change thy faith with the aires element ? if angli , are cald angeli : oh , tell , why hath their pride , thrown these frō heauen to hel ? is it , because thou hast sung sweete in all the liberal arts , and now through want doost fall ? or doost thou wonder at pluralities , impropriations , or absurdities of a lay patron , that doth still present an asse , before a grand proficient ? why , maruell not at these preposterous crimes , that very heathen men in former times haue scoft at , in excesse of bitter iest , and like true prophets thus these times exprest : giue to thy cooke ( saith th' one ) full twenty pound ; to thy foole ten : but to a man profound , as thy physitian , ten groates shall suffice : thus , thus appeares a scholers miseries . for should blind homer come to sing his song , with lyrick sweetnesse , or the muses tongue ; had he all languages that first began , at the confusion to astonish man ; yet with a coachman , he durst not contend for wages , though apollo stood his friend , for thriue they cannot by the sacred arts. a coachman , taylor , or the faulkeners parts , dwell in the breast of greatnesse : but indeed time must haue changes , though all vertue bleede : yet i could wish to turne the sullen tide , of their dull planet , to a rectified and more calme motion ; and a while restraine the turbulent billowes of their sullen vaine , vvith temperat moderation ; to appease in halcion-smoothenes , all those rougher seaes of passion , and sequesterd discontent , no aire so sweet as their owne element : as death to fish , torne from their naturall place , expires their waterie spirits : in like case , that man , that from his naturall mother flies , buried in strangers earth , his dutie dies ; yet time may calme that hot-spur'd violence of fugitiue saturnists , as in naturall sense we see in heauie bodies , throwne by force , by strong compulsion , thwarting natures course ; chasing the aire , with strong actiuitie , yet towards his end , the moouing facultie , chast with precedent motion , faints and dies , and in consumption , to his center hies . vvhich is the cause , why motions violent , ( their spirits spent ) creepe to their element , which first were made of motion , sith at last that vertue dies , by which he first was cast as farre from his beginning . so time shall change their violent passions , who are borne to range ; transported with a furious discontent , when all their romish witchcrafts hath neere spent their violent motion , then with deere-bought paine , they moue vnto their sweete-aire once againe . yet trust not to the mercie of the yeeres , to reconcile , by time , that which appeares times shame , in thy originall despaire ; once fall'n , heauens may ( but wondrously ) repaire : for though relapses , are not cured with ease , he 's safe , that meetes his first spice of disease : which to preuent , leaue of that surgerie , that makes your soule a bare anatomie ; and cuts the flesh , of your more bleeding land , with lions hearts , not with a ladies hand . in poysons , counterpoysons doe contend , rather liue here poore , then at rome offend ; vse learning as a looking-glasse , to see what others are in thy infirmitie : but not as burning-glasses gainst the sunne , to force a fire to thy ambition : but as archimedes his cunning plies , that by reflection , burnt whole argos eies with artificiall glasses : so from each hart , his countries good , tithes the most punctuall part of art and nature , whose diuided ends , shares euerie man , to countrie , kings , and friends . the seuen wise sages of philosophie , whom golden pages , keepe in memorie , in spight of enuy , crownd art with this praise , their countreys wore the oliue , they the bayes : which showes , that monarchies or policy diuided into this triplicity , then on a sollid base , did firmly stand , when art was pure restoratiue to their land : and prickt no veine , of their owne natiue clime , but gaue a temperet dyet to the time : vrging no forraine nations , to enforce their naturall tempers , crosse to natures course : then learning florisht , without sophistry , or mixture of selfe-pleasing phantasie : reason , did checke an high opinion'd minde . and schollers , like some wealthy men definde , to be but simplex animall : that then , like citizens now , were held the surest men : vertue was then a habit of the minde without equiuocation : and confinde , to his true obiect of beatitude , diuided from the world , or multitude of popular prayses : arts did then despise , the secular habits of great vanities : liu'd richly reuerent , in poore simple weeds , without monasticke hoods , did saint-like deeds : had neither pride , to enuie , whom doth rise , nor patron , to bestow a benefice : and did supply poore nature with poore clothes , dranke when a thirst , and eate when hunger growes ; gaue no gratuities , but to present a worthlesse dunce , ( to schollers discontent : ) and hire a simple curate , scarcely paide , with as much wages , as a laundry-mayde : liu'd without grumbling , or ambitious hate , and slept contented with an humble fate ; the arts contemn'd men of high swelling rankes , and scarce to alexander would giue thankes , for visiting their tub : so much their hate scorn'd the prowd painted sepulchers of state . learning did then liue pure in paradice ; but since her fall , to pride and auarice , and al diseases that infect , the arts do rot and putrifie their knowing parts : since these contagions , learning is possest ; these make the musicke of a learned brest , iarre in harsh discords , and vnrellisht straines ; and do corrupt the most refined braines , with saturnes snarling spirit , grosse and dull , inspiring rage into a patient skull ; for when we see , that in the muses chaire , midas is iudge , and vertue must despaire of a right worthy patron ; faunius preach , where once apollo did sweet musicke teach : arachne , with minerua doth compare ; dunces with doctors , and their betters farre : this makes the worthy artist , dull and sad , and rare deserts , most melancholy mad : yet thus much know you , whose deep genius cla●●● the honor of a scholler , not the names : when iupiter tooke all the arts of price , to heauen with vertue : and left onely vice in stead of iustice , and white chastitie ; vnto the earth left bribes and symonie : yet in a boxe , he onely hope did spare , to wretched man , that neuer leaues him bare . another sort of these dull sectarists , are our most supercilious humorists : who saturnisde with this vnkinde aspect , goes ( as a plodding lawyer ) circumspect , as though his braine - pan thro'd of some great strain , tor i de from yorke , to london backe againe ; his eyes looke like two soyled tablebookes , in which are written most obseruant lookes : his formall brow , contracted to a frowne ; lookes like the maior of some puritan towne , spic'd with austeerest schisme ; that scarce will see a maypole , to be nearer heauen then hee : as sterne as socrates , or catoes grace , that ne're was seene , to change their sullen face : as crabtree brow'd as iudges at a size , that dart their hanging terrors from their eyes : profest deepe politicians , these we call ; yet farre from state , and depth politicall : although their trauels , well do vnderstand sweete sion : and the blessed holy-land : iudeas ruines , and the raced towers of great ierusalem , by titus powers : the sacred relickes of that tombe , they made , vvherein our sauiours body ioseph laide : the worlds seuen wonders , whom all times prefer to be mausolus stately sepulcher . egypts pyramides the second is : the third the obeliske of semiramis : the fourth , the rich colossi of the sonne , at rhodes : the fifth the walls of babylon : the sixth , dianaes temple ( as appeares ) that was in building two and twentie yeares : the seuenth and last , was that most curious frame , of iupiter olympus , knowne by fame . all which because they can with points relate , they boldly challenge eminence in state : and walke with mumbling , and a grim neglect , as if each stone were bound to giue respect , with notice of their trauells , that haue runne , their progresse through the world from sunne , to sun : as if the state ( like gray-hounds ) thought men fit , for footmenship , and not for searching wit : a horse of barberie , that scowers the ground , or drake's fleete pinnis , that did dance the round , about the world , in trauell can compare with the most proudest traueller , that dare cut the burnt line : or with trans-alpine state , contend in pilgrimage with coryat . t' is not bare trauell that can make men wise , but this from man , not from the climates rise : gold makes not india rich , but india poore , sith their men want , although their mines haue store : though alchimy do beare a glorious glosse , compar'd with gold , t' is bullion , and base drosse : things superficiall , in state ne're agree , without dimension of profunditie : desert , and not opinion of their merit , shall grace a sceane of state : when as the spirit of a true information personates in liuely actions , both to kings and states ▪ abilitie to shew how kingdomes thriue , and to be practicke , not contemplatiue , like caesar's parrat , these can only sound , aue to caesar ; but in talke profound , and mazes of true politicks of state , that towse graue heads with windings intricate : th' are like the gates of myndus , built so wide , as if diogenes aloud had cride ; ho , fooles of myndus , keepe you in those straites , lest that your citie doe runne through your gates ; lord-like , these trauell , and doe spend the time onely for fashions in a forraine clime , without obseruant searching of the hart , of nations , customes , or the rationall part of fundamentall pollicie ; and with fashion are more transform'd , then form'd in their creatiō : yet , like an antick mountibanck commends the vertue of his drugges : and then pretends experience of his oyles farre fetcht from hence ; how forraine states admired his excellence , when he ( perhaps ) this taske did entertaine for three to one at his returne againe : yet these italionated antick shapes , transform'd from men to immitationes apes , like hyppocentaures , or some monstrous creature , chang'd from pure english , to outlandish nature : or rather , in both sexes take delight , diuided halfe , like an hermophrodite , from their owne fashions , most doe alienate , like monstrous births , and kindes degenerate : when their fond trauell at the deerest price , brought nothing home , but their ill fashioned vice : fond-medling - fooles , that beare the character , of that poore-carping , and base-shoomaker , that checks apelles in his curious frame ; goe not beyond your last ▪ lest to your shame , your sullen humors to that orbe aspire , where your pride burnes you in your pollitick fire . packe to the center you dull-pated slaues , and there in grosse and melancholly caues , ●ie mischiefes with your planet , and let state be left to him , that shares a worthier fate : those , whom bright honour and intelligence of their high secrets , crownes with reuerence of age and sollide iudgement : those whose paines ( like chimes at midnight seasons ) strikes their braines with vigilantest motion ; whose desire , like to a glassehouse , keepes continuall fire of zealous flames , whose stately honours rise , euen from the ashes of that sacrifice : that in whose hecatombes of loyall blood , their noble houses euer haue made good , vnto their prince and countrie ; such shall ride , like ariadnes honours stellified , throughout the milke-white circle , and there shine , to forraine nations in that golden line of roman curtius ; till the marble hart of enuie and detraction breake and part from his staru'd kar●as ; and times almanack , with golden epacts and new moones doe crack the sturdie ioynts of ephemerides , with yeerely sunnes , and annuall compasses : whose merit , euen the voice of god proclaimes , with voice of all the people , in the names of our most reuerent senate ; in which place our graue patricians , more then th' outward grace , stands like a center , from whose point diuine , to brittanis circle comes an equal line of state and conscience ; which but drawne frō hence , makes vp an honor'd state-circumference . 't is not quick siluer'd-spirits that can run , throughout the vaine of earth with motion of vnconcockted trauels , that can merit the name of a state-mettall ; till the spirit , by which his actiue nature still goes round , betempered with more massie stuffe and sound , that in the winding laberynth of state , iudicious eares may rightly terminate the most large bodies of the ranging time , to a confin'd and superficiall line : not trauell , but the minds graue residence , that , like the sunnes vnited excellence , collected to the center of the glasse : with greater vertue doth the obiect passe , makes a true states-man : as in natures course , not euery motion can produce a force to be the cause of heate , as in the sunne we feele more heate , when his hot beames doe runne vnited , not disperst : so fit for state are iudgements setled , and most temperate , not errant like a planet , but at rest like the polestarre with in his constant brest . then thou that snarl'st at their transcendent ranke , and art thy selfe like some poore mountibanke made vp of drugges and tongues of euery land , more fit for ordinaries , then command in the abysse of state : that with profound and perpendicular iudgements , plumbes the ground of euery scruple , with deepe beames diuine , euen to th'vnmeasured bottom of each mine , the infinite thought creates : repent thus farre , curse thy dog-daies , and rate thy sullen starre ; packe foole to french-baloone , and there at play , consume the progresse of thy sullen day : for such light pastimes suite a giddy braine ; or if thy muddy and grosse feeding vaine , must needs be spic'd with saturne : walke more-fields , the shades of malecontents ; whose causes yeelds whole sholes of trauellers : there may thine eies surfet , to see thy dull aspect arise , and planet-strike the organ of thy sence , with grosse and melancholly influence , cast here and there with enuious characters , on lymping souldiers , and wild trauellers , that sit a sunning vnder some greene tree , vvondring what riches are , or rich men be . but leauing these vnto the silent night , raw aires and hayecockes : and the best delight of such poore grasshoppers , that onely sing the summer of their yeares with wandring , of fruitlesse voiages . next we present a gratious starre , faire , and beneuolent : drope saturne with thy sullens to the earth , vvhil'st ioues bright star gets more auspicious birth of iubiter . to the high and mightie prince charles a long life , mortall and immortall . to you sweet prince i sacrifice these lines , princes should liue by princely disciplines : 't is most collaterall manna , angels foode , it 's not so princely to bee great as good . planets rule man : but princes , as they are cald gods , sway vs ; by vertue rule their starre , what almanaks haue written in their praise in you haue greater power , that oreswaies the doubt of art : for certainely we know the full moones of your vertues , how they grow : i wish your life may runne , as doth your starre orbd noblie , and most nobly regular , or rather more : for heauenly things aboue if they but crosse vs , haue more hate , then loue the teeming plowman thus will curse their powers , when starres doe promise more in shew , then showers : but you are farre more prosprous , and shall shine blest in your influence , mortall and diuine . enough is said , in fine , this booke shall tell . t is good to be borne great , best to doe well . your graces poore subiect , r. a. the philosophers third satyr of iupiter . ♃ not iupiter , transform'd to many shapes , his transmutations , or celestiall scapes ; amorous imbracings , and adulterate fires , hot scalding passions , and vnchast desires : nor of his tri-form'd thunder we describe , that mauld th' aspiring giants for their pride : but of a heauenly bodie , from whose merit , heroick actions drawe a noble spirit . vnder this stately and maiesticke starre , made happie by the raigne of iupiter ; are all those royall actions sweetly sung by our welch bards : or the poettick tongue of rauishing lyrickes ; whose high muses sings starre-kissing poems , of the state of kings : the swelling tide of time , whose mightie flood . like to an ocean , curl'd the streames of blood of kings and worthies , with true honour died , vnder this princely planet stellified . true noble sparkes , that can the soule define in honord persons , in this planet shine ; and giues essentiall formes to royall bloods , eternall to their names , more then their goods or fortunes can distinguish ; and deriues true honor not in name , but in their liues . gentilitie from hence so riches bred , that like a silke-worme , it spinnes out his web , that others might giue armes , and weare his good , more rich in vertues , then blaz'd forth in blood . young alexander ( whose triumphant hand , like some great earthquake shooke the sollid land , with warlike rufflings of his princely mind , by this aspect was at his birth assigned to honord enterprices : and from hence , imperiall scepters draw their eminence ; and euery noble action of high fame , that giues to honor an immortall name : to chronicles and times , this starre doth blesse , with an eternall trophie of successe . which since his princely flames scornes common men , in a heroicke furie chafes our pen : tell me , thou royall states man to the sunne , great signior of the worlds perfection ; high treasurer , for honourable brests , that with imperiall wreathes adornes their crests : where are those heroes , whom iupiter did canonize , euen in their sepulcher : and after death blest with thy influence , enspheard their soules with thy intelligence . crane vp true honor through the horned moone that now vsurpes the day , and shames bright noone , with their confused actions : where are those that had more honour in their minds then clothes ; great caesars court did shine with warlick hands , ieer atlas . ieer , and laugh at yellow bands , that now do staine the times . tell iupiter the worlds mad after safforn : and preferre , a most sur-reuerence fashion ( like a purge ) , before the conquest of the worlds large verge : gentilitie lookes like some painted whoore , whom wise men pittie , though times-bands adore : rather bright starre of heauen drop from thy place , and kisse the chaos , then thy smiles disgrace on their natiuities , that doe pretend their linage from the sunne , which loath doth lend his beames to such corruptions purified , as that most noisome muckhill of their prides whose vapors sluffe the organ of mans sense with such mortalitie of peslilence , that each phantastick corner of the land , stinkes with infection of a yellow band : and yet can boast their gentry from a starre kinde in coniunction , and familiar to their high fates . laugh , laugh democritus , heer 's a right comedie , though vicious , to stretch foorth all thy powers to excesse , and fat thy heart with mortall foolishnesse : these are those atomes of nobilitie , which in thy schoole thou taugh'st erroneously , to be the worlds beginning . laugh fond sir : such moates of gentrie makes a vsurer . raile foule-mouth'd cinick , lend thy lanthorne here , that to thy candles brightnesse may appeare these scums of gentrie ; turne my beagle-muse to lash these butterflies , that doe abuse the name of that bright planet , that shootes forth more virtue , then their tailors-billes are worth : and if my satyr , gently letting blood , might of true nobler brests be vnderstood , what we call honor or nobilitie ; who knowes not vertue is gentilitie : an habit of the minde , not of the clothes , which euery poore logician truly knowes ; to be in diuers categories plac'd , the one in qualitie , the other grac'd with art and scituation : courtiers then would scorne such gaudy gallifoists of men : and rather fill their honord traine with starres , such whose vnspotted vertues weares no scarres of bankerout citizens , that weares his owne , like byas still about him , and not growne to surfets with excesse in sutes of trust , filling his hot veines with insatiat lust , to formes of alteration : yet at last is alwaies poore in vertue , rich in wast . the honor of this planet shewes the minde , and not the cast-clothes of some fawning hinde , that by obseruance to his mightie lord , hath crept into good outsides by a word , bought afore moud . for some poore office feede , that now is fallen to helpe the busie neede , of some poore groome . great iupiter forbeare , to hurle thy influence from thy princely spheare , that these may claime their most abortiue birth , vpon this leastall of this noisome earth . from thy heroick flames , as from their sire : but to right noble brests , giue nobler fire . let such adore thy rising in thy east , that feele an honord furie in their brest , charme all ignoble-thoughts ; and with the age , leaue reliques of his honord pilgrimage , euen to his speaking - marble , that his stone may swet with memorie , and his dust bemone , the liuelesse forme of his dead element , hearst vp in death : whose liuing - monument , can , with this heauenly ecco , thus resound , prince ( henries ) steps hath taught vs the same groūd of noble buildings : and since him succeds , a princely iupiter ▪ in noble-deeds , and honord hopes : how then can honour er , that shares the spirits of this iupiter , and princely beames : whose motion most direct , treads worthie of so bright and faire aspect , that trobled at his birth his princely rayes . behold great prince , what in these antick dayes , may make true honor currant , and exclude the ends of high blouds from the multitude and fire of baser ranckes ; that when your age shall come to vnderstand the bedlame rage of this distracted time , and ripely see that not by reason , but base phantasie , reflext from our opinions : we define honours to be the fashion of the time : like coloured rainebowes that deceiue our eies with superficiall shapes of vanities , and with mature and clearer beames of sight distinguish of all obiects of the light , in your perspicuous iudgement ; then your sense shall in one point vnite the difference of what a long time , your too tender eie , your organ not dispos'd , could ne're discrie : then all things rightly set , the medium faire , and the most grosse parts of this sinfull aire , diaphanall and cleare , your eie shall see , that the true species of nobilitie is not th' extreame and outward visible part , but the profound concealement of the hart , exempt from outward fashions so appli'd , as it is truly noble , without pride , or forraine imitation , but intire to his owne fashion ; made not to admire , but to attire poore nature , and to draw the peoples hearts , with an obsequious awe , vnto the commons loue : not common gaze of player-like-fashions : for true honors praise , is like the blessed hebrew tongue so strange , that in confusions it did neuer change his primitiue purenesse ; and how vnlike we be to heauenly boaies in simplicitie , in motion and in formes : speake heauens in thunder , and rate this mad world in a peale of wonder : that euer since the order of thy frame , keepes still one fashion , and moues still the same : nor is the soule ( as fond pithagor as said ) of a true nóble man ; to be conuai'd by transmigration , or phantastick shapes , into the bodies of such zainie-apes , as fashions make the english : but assigned to the immortall vertue of the mind : that 's not traduc'e , or mixt of elements , but of the most infused temperaments , subiect to no mortalitie of fate , except base actions doe degenerate , from that immortall and pure quintessense ; that vertue giues vs in our innocence ; from which , if honor by relapse digresse , we lose that paradice of happinesse , where honor was created : and that place , where vertue did infuse originall grace into a great mans soule : princes may eate of euery tree , that vertue made for meate , onely that tree , in midd'st of eden spred , the tree of vice : a touch of that strikes dead : thinke what it is , great prince , that makes you liue greater , then you were borne : when worth shall giue vnto your actions such a long-liu'd fame , as to all ages shall enrowle your name : and such is vertue , that can ne're exspire , but like a salamander liues in fire , and furie of the times ; and there ne're burnes . after the funerall ashes of our vrnes : for 't is not that great title , that you weare of princely greatnes , and a future feare : that can make you controler of the starres , or write your name in endlesse characters to all posterities : nor i st applause , or popularitie , that can giue cause , to make you liue for euer : but in fine , 't is vertue giues a godhead , makes diuine ; not caesars birth made caesar to suruiue , but caesars vertues , that are yet aliue . great alexander homers iliades read , whose vertues made him liue , when he was dead . a great mans vices dammes his fame so deepe , ther 's no redemption , when his vertues sleèpe : actions crowne vertues , and like pulses prooue , whether the soule of greatnesse sweetly mooue with natures harmony : which standing still , or faintly beating , shewes them dead or ill . all this ( sweet prince ) is to instruct your youth , without equiuocation to the truth , of honourable actions , that doe rise and mount by vertue , to possesse the skies : for marke but that diuorce , that time hath sude from such a kingly troope and multitude , of memorie and fame , and with their toombe , buried their honours with an equall doome . in silence and obliuion , you shall see , that vertue reades the art of memorie ; and can doe miracles euen from the dead , to raise true worth by time canonized : and fetch new breath in princes , when our shame and vice in lymbo shall ramme vp our name , what pen shall blaze that epicures dam'd vaine that wisht his licorish pallate like a crane in surfets , and high sparklings healthes of wine . vnlesse some satyr with his lashing line , flea his abuse : or else the stage hath stung his life and vice with some base players tongue ; when vertue shall command , like orpheus strings , euen senselesse stones to follow when he singes . the musicke of the soule , that sweetly sounds the meanes of honor , and the vertuous grounds of our well fingered actions ; and snall tell in oracles , how our best acts excell the worst of enuie ; though her toadelike wombe , burst in her venom , euen within our tombe . then since great prince , that time must bring you rage . to act one part vpon this earthly stage : oh let your vertuous actions keepe such meane , as angels may applaud your lifes best sceane : which you shall doe , by acting what is good , that when your riper yeeres haue vnderstood , that the chiefe seate of honour is the hart , diffusing motion to each princely part . and like the soule , whom schooles hold all in all , in euery member is essentiall , compleate and vndiuided : not begot of thales element to die and rot : then your experience with confession ioynd , shall hold that practick vertue of the mind , is your best summum bonum : and not stroule to platoes fain'd ideas of the soule : or epicures sect , whose happinesse , their schooles maintain'd to be voluptuousnesse : and not in fortune , that all power can , or stoicall necessitie in man : or in this later heresie that growes , that the best bonum countes the best of clothes . but vertue put to action , which doth keepe , and put a waking difference from sleepe , and drowsinesse in vertue : which though good , if ne're in action , ne're is vnderstood . these cautions make you worthy of this starre , when others onely heare of iupiter : that your bright honour euer may appeare , and moue within an vnecclipsed spheare but now i mount vnto the souldiers starre , some cannon fire my pen to rage and warre . to the right honovrable the earle of essex , baron of ewe : r. a. wisheth all grace with heauen and earth . of mars . ♂ noble lord , themistccles desired the art of obliuion . i the practick of memorie , whose hell and heauen presentiue facultie cannot produce a fairer forme of eternitie , then in the vnimitable idea of your mars borne honourable father , the best of his fortunes i could wish were traduced to you , and the best of his actions deseruing a fixt constellation , as totally diffused through euery noble veine of your honour as the best part of your essence is in your bodie the contemplatiue part of time admits not a fairer prospectiue of honour . the character of mars is but his counterseit , and i could wish it yours by adoption , arts and armes should be like hypocrates twinnes reciprocall in their first ingredience , and borne together with a most sweet and louing sympathie . the merit of a souldier and a scholer hates poligamie , and are but one flesh . i know you are nobly tutored in the one , and i could wish you laurcated in the other . the poyson of the times hath no better . antidote then vertue : the least doze of it makes honor nobly preseruatiue . i haue here prescribed it , and may it worke in you his phisicall operation : my dutie bound to the stricktest , and most peremptorie remembrance of your honour : administers this diet : disgest , and be a long liude patient , it is the souldiers cordiall , and a noble restoratiue . your honours humble deuoted , robert anton. the philosophers fovrth satyr of mars . ♂ what by his nature moues , and would aspire vnder this planet borrowes his hot fire : what horrid furie bursts his chaines in hell , and frights the earth , doth in this planet dwell : blood , death and , tragick stories mars doth yeeld . a golgotha of graues : whose purple field , died crimson with his fatall massacres , craues bloodie inke , and scarlet characters : a pen , that like a bullets force would reele a marble conscience , or a hart of steele : but not of battels , or that sanguine flood , that at phillipi brutus stain'd with blood . nor of that cruell , and barbarian warre , wherein two kings sign'd by a blazing starre to a prodigeous death , such horror wonne , as with amazement , frighted christendome . nor of that bloodie siege , and tragicall , made famous by our english generall , that in our age fell in the belgian warres , when like an ocean , with red massacres , the moorish earth did tide vp ore the brim , as if the center did 'gainst nature swim : but to another posterne , drils our muse , marching in martiall satyrs of abuse . tell me thou ragged man of armes , that weares onely thy passe for seruice many yeeres ; and by each pettie constable conueide , as if thy wounds in peace were greater made with headboughes and beadles , then grim warre could through a groue of pikes launch in so farre . why are thy scars bought with such pretious cost . so tortured by a sencelesse whipping post : but a more grosser time , that cannot see in peacefull times , what want of souldiers be . the dull athenians offered sacrifice to mars , when warres began to tyranize : but when the furie of stearne warre did cease , his hallowed altars lay vntoucht with peace . souldiers are saints in steele , gods in their beauers , ador'd like esculapius in hot feauers of blood and warre : but when their steele-coates rust , and their bright armes ore-cast with peacefull dust . behould you sonnes of thunder , th' end of all are vsurers almes , and a poore hospitall . let sacars , culuerings , and cannons sound in honour of their bones , and rock the ground with all your deafning terrors : for behold the balsum for your wounds , are rich mens gold , powder the world with wonder , and thus crie , the camel now may passe the needles eie . the iewish age growes holy and precise , and builds a sinagogue to sacrifice their charitable surfets , when they die , that liuing , whipt away bright charitie . you hacksters flesht in bleeding massacres , thinke on your maimed stumpes : your powerfull stars , that worke this operation in prowde man. misers liue iewes , and die as christian , that el e in peace had laid , as if forlorne , the bitter subiect of the ages scorne . the stockfish to seuerest iustices beaten to death with warrants of the peace and good behauiour , martred with the rage of constables , whose furie can asswage nothing but night and wine , that all things steepe in the deepe lethe of the god of sleepe : for seest thou not , thou man of othes and harmes , when mars makes holliday , and allth ' allarmes of your rock-braining engins are strooke dumb by bright astreas charmes , and vnion ; how armes are banisht to his yron mines , and time growne banquerout of those disciplines , that martial pyrrhus to his souldiers red , or'e the braue romans in phalanges led , that then who cares for souldiers , but forgot in warres they lose their limbes , in peace they rot , as if our blessings had so sure a creed ne're to vse souldiers , for we scorne their need . or doth our carelesse peace , like scipio deeme neuer lesse sole , then when it sole doth seeme without a souldiers strong atlantick power , that on his shoulders props that starrie bower and fabrick of a state , as if a lethargy had silence't vp th' eternall memory of norris , veare , and valiant willobee , that like three commets bearded prodigie , amaz'd the world : besides the register of those sea-gods , drake , candish , furbusher , that like three neptunes on the curled maine , danc't with their tritons in a martiall vaine who to a tragick muse hath left their fame , scorning a commick seckt to score their name , the temple of the bifront god 's not ope , as if the earth had vniuersall hope of a most mild augustus to sway th' earth , in whose great raigne the king of peace tooke birth : then vanish all your furies to blacke hell , duelloes , combates to the loathsome cell , of burning ambriscadoes , crueltie , rape , ruine , horror and impietie , seconds in combats , challenges in wine ; giuing the lie , and all vilde discipline of sences , desperate distance ; quarrels common , for some damn'd cockatrice , or strumpet woman . and all those rasors , that made france to bleed ; and england sad , in peace be well agreed : for loe , an oliue scepter swayes our land , not crusht to powder with an yron hand : which sooner may the seaes forsake their bound , fire from the concaue lepp , and the fixt ground , be tumbled from the center : all that 's made rome from his orderd fashion retrograde ; eagles be finn'd , and swimme the oceans deepe , whales mount the ayre , & ducks with dolphins keepe , before this peace fall , and vnited-calme forsake the vertue of his soueraigne balme : souldiers turne maunderers , and liue to shame , by souldiers base attempts , a souldiers name : riot vpon this happie time of truse , with pursing , cheating , and all base abuse , till millions of these roarers , sise by sise , drop through the hang-mans budget , and so dies , before our oliue-scepter change his bud , and graft it in a scarlet stock of blood . yet i could wish , that in this golden time , a golden meane were kept , that in this clime , where the hesperides of peace doth dwell , though guarded with a power that doth expell , the doubt of ciuill and outragious iarres , men liu'd , as if their very liues made warres against that peace , the heauens doth earth assure , vpon condition , that no man is secure : nor are our best of blessings but so lent , as heau'n may change , what men in peace mispent : for time may come , ah , may it neuer come , when the loud thunder of our yet mute drumme , may raile in martiall marches , and their armes may scarre this peacefull iland with alarmes : inuasion may rouse horror from his den ; and souldiers then thought rather gods then men , that now art barkt at by each dogged sir. poore fooles , your selues may need a souldier , to chace hostilitie and hell-borne spirits of warre and blood , by their triumphant merits from your percullic'd gates : oh then take heed , he that scornes souldiers , may a souldier neede : for though all things in peace doe symbolize , as with a blessing , where all contraries are leagued with gordion knots of amitie , and liue in one vnited harmonie : the rauening wolfe , and the poore sheepe , combin'd by supernaturall blessings silly sleepe , like two faith-plighted friends : the fruitfull vine , that neere the colewort is obserued to pine , troubles the god of surfets sparkling iuyce : the oake and oliue kisse in calmes of truce : the masuue , scares not the hyanaes sight . the mouse the elephant doth not afright : the poysond - henbane , whose cold iuice doth kill his meate vnto the thrush , when warres grow still . and all things that beares naturall emnitie , conioyne their indiuiduall simpathie : in a most blest coherence of their formes : yet such a time may come , when nature stormes and plants , and sencelesse things grow discontent , their factious formes scorning this sweet consent , familiar concord turn'd to qualities of proud exceptions , and hot contraries , and mutinous nature all things turnes to hate , that in sweete peace did most participate . and if that old phylosophy hould sure , that the soule tracktes the bodies temperature , although all naturall causes we confine to the great mouers power , and will diuine ; yet neuer had our temperaments more fire , nor neuer apter to the hot desire of warres and innouations ; when our age in tauerns shew the stabbing signes of rage . neuer more cholericke constitutions knowne so practick in reuenge , as now are showne . hot bloods in euery courtyer boyles to fight : no sooner grac't , but he dares barke and bite , new hot-spurre humors euery day arise , in cutting ruffines borne to pandarize , fierie distempers in our bloods exceed , whch great hypocrates could neuer reade : each base mechanick hath a fencers diuell , and faine would fight , although the cause be euill . ther 's scarce a coward borne to the times curse , but hauing suckt he roares , and kickes his nurse : man from his cradle now like hercules , is borne to strangle , not to liue at case : when euery royster his twelue labours slight , and hand to hand dares with his lions fight : or tugge with that three headed dogge of hell , or in a single mona-machy quell the hundred headed hydra to conclude , by whom we moralize the multitude . if then , by naturall causes we descrie how our corrupted tempers do applie themselues to bloody proiects , and hot iarres : spurning at peace , inflamed still to warres : our blessings ought thus much to know in feares , that mine and thine may set kings by the eares : which two poore words , as they haue set on fire the world with law , so to the world inspire a quarrelsome nature , that euen france and spaine , by these poore syllables lost thousands slaine : and seuen-hill'd-rome , whose victories haue wonne , eu'n time to canonize , what she hath donne : onely with these two words , so pamperd fame , that like a iennet of a prowd-trust frame , it pac'd the ample earth with such large pride , as if 't were made not to be rid , but ride : peace is not of an indiuidual size , like to a phoenix , from whose ashes rise another of that kinde , that can restore , succession to that peace , that went before : and it may be the vtmost date she beares , shall be confin'd within these peacefull yeeres , wherein her iocs merily we sing , neuer was such a time , and such a king : or whether the great genius of these daies , hath left to him the glorie of that praise , sphynx cannot well vnridle or define : for it may be , in him it may resigne her vtmost royalties : then why d'we liue , like the fond megarenses , who did giue such cost vnto their houses , as if neuer they thought of changes , but to liue for euer ? not like the wise egyptians , who still gaue lesse cost vnto their house , more to their graue : since then these changes follow times aspect , and peace like to the moone doth but reflect his beames from others : who can then presume that still her quarters hold full pleni-lune : commit not then such fierce idolatrie vnto this saint : more then the deitie , that gaue her those bright vertues , though diuine : for angels may fall from their blessed shrine : but now we sound a parle and rereate from bloo ie mars his planet to the seate of the bright day-starre : rise bright venus , rise , whilest citie wiues prepare thy sacrifice . to the right worshipfvll and vertvovs ladie , the ladie anne randyll , health in both the worlds . of venus . ♀ madam , behold , your vertues doe intice the best of art to write the worst of vice , that as the beautious forme of christall light , opposde to darknesse seemes more richly-bright : so from the times worst obiects you may spie , how vertue shines best by her contrarie , and best doth edifie , when to our sense , she seemes to vertue in her innocence , like some cleare liquid cloud against the sunne in proudest formes of opposition , heere shall you see the anatomie of times and imperfections bowelld with the crimes of brazen impudence condemn'd to death , like traytors breathing an infectious breath . from your sweet fauours i began this booke : and hope a faire successe from your faire looke : as earth to heauen presented to our sense seemes but a point to the circumference , compar'd to his large bodie : so in show are these my studies vnto that iowe , vnto your ladiship : this mite shall speake my art and hart both gratefull , although weake , as dwarfes seeme gracious , so may proue this elfe . this booke , though small , may teach great time it selfe . your ladiships humble and poore kinsman of his duty . robert anton. the phylosophers fift satyr of venus . ♀ . next vnto blood and death , the paphian queene of the inferiour-planets first is seene : the harbinger of faire auroras light , bright day-starre , sliking the rough brow of night , faire citharaea : amorous flame of loue , that next vnto the glorious sunne doth moue : goddesse of generation , that dost giue a father to each bastard how to liue : make my muse ramble , that it truly tell the scapes of lust , that in thy influence dwell : appeare you horned-monsters , that do swell with high-brow-antlers , that gainst heaun rebell : and stumble against taurus with your hornes . behold the lustfull planet of your scornes : by whose insatiate and hot lustfull fire , your wiues are strumpets , & your brows rear'd higher vnder this starre bright helena was bred , that made her hushand higher by the head . and messalina by this planets power wife to great claudius , romes high emperour , fall two and twentie times in one sole day , cornuted caesar with her lustfull play : here may thy satyr riot with thy pen , and lash to blood this crooked fate of men , whose shameleswiues , o'r warmd with bastard wine like messalina breakes that sacred signe , that holy wedlocke in their vowes hath made , by that lasciuious and insatiate trade : that nature growes so horrid and so full , that , like pasiphae , amored of a bull in any forme of incest , or hot rape , the sensuall appetite affects his shape : preposterous motions in this planet raigne , mothers turne bawdes vnto their daughters gaine : husbands haue sold their wiues like galliflaues vnto a strangers bed : whole streets of knaues , deepe red in hot adulterie so confounds the reputation of our honest grounds , as if the world and iustices agreede , to make a chaos of their bastard seede . why frownes not minos at that ciuill whore , that in a puritans habit dwells next doore , vnto his worship : and with saintlike motion , minces the pauement with her pure deuotion : whom some hot tradesman keeps , & doth disguise , in angels robes to gull the iealous eies of shallow iudgement , following machauell cunning in sinne treads warily to hell . why carts not iustice that old dipsas baude , that with her sorcerous charmes disperst abroad among the vestall virgins holy bred , hath betrai'd many a well-borne maidenhead , to the luxurious hands of riotous heyres ; drowning their mothers happinesse in teares ? why doe our lustfull theaters entice , and personate in liuely action vice : draw to the cities shame , with guilded clothes , such swarmes of wiues to breake their nuptiall othes : or why are women rather growne so mad , that their immodest feete like planets gad with such irregular motion to base playes , where all the deadly sinnes keepe hollidaies . there shall they see the vices of the times , orestes incest , cleopatres crimes ; lucullus surfets , and poppeas pride . virgineaes rape and wanton lais hide her sirens charmes in such eare charming sense ; as it would turne a modest audience , to brazen-fac'et profession of a whore . their histories perswade , but action more , vices well coucht in pleasing sceanes present , more will to act , then action can inuent . and this the reason , vnlesse heauen preuent , why women most at playes turne impudent , and yet not to their sexe doe we applie , a stoicall and stout necessitie , of shamefull sinne to women in this kind . but i could wish their modestie confin'd , to a more ciuill and graue libertie , of will and free election : carefullie hating this hellish confluence of the stage , that breeds more grosse infections to the age of separations , and religious bonds , then e're religion with her hallowed hands can reunite : rather renew thy web , with chast penelope , then staine thy bed with such base incantations : but why in vaine , doe i confound the musicke of my straine with such vnrellisht pantomimmicke slaues , whose liues prophane a lashing satyr craues ? oh yet my graue muse be not to profuse , applaud their good , scourge onely their abuse , no , rather my keene pen with art dissect , the anotomie of woman , whose defect , may reade such physicke to their longing sexe , as what most horrid guilt of lust de●ects , and cast aspersions on their angels faces , may salue their burning feauers of disgraces : not in a squibbing vaine my pen shall taske your feeble imperfections , but vnmaske with far more reuerent hand your slippery natures , since your first fall proues you backsliding creatures ; when heauen and earth from his confusion tooke proportion firme , and a more gracious looke of order and creation , then was crown'd man , the imperiall monarch of this round : which being made of a grosse element , vnfit alone for kingly gouernment . woman as his adiutor was assign'd , that to their powers the earth might be confin'd . and man , then one in number , therefore none , in her might be more perfect then alone . when she was made in that prime innocence , each element bestowed the quintessence of his best qualities : fire then was more remisse with out hot lust , that now more ex'lent is . water did temper his moyst qualitie , without the swetting palmes of venerie ; the subtill parts of aire did not inspire a lightnesse to their body or desire . the sollid parts of earth vpheld their frame , that now falls back to ruinate the same : her harmonie of nature most refin'd from the dull mans , an angell in her kind . her face as beautious as the crysped morne , strooke from smudg'dnight : created and not borne , to keepe grosse-pated adams from foule sin , with adoration like some cherubin . which not alone that naked sill could doe : except the mightie mouer had made two ; both which had kept faire edens royalties , to their succession and posterities : and then vncensur'd had the woman ben , from th' originall cause of mortall sinne , had not that hel-bred politician beguil'd the woman , and the woman man : but since her sacred reason was beguil'd , and she for him , and he for both exild from that foure-riuer-running-paradice , to the large cursed center of their vice : behold this rare idea of a woman made to admire beyond an obiect common , transform'd into a loathsome masse of dust , salt tides of passions , and hot foming lust , keepe their high floods , and waite on appetite ; as flowing seaes attend the queene of night , inconstant flames glow in their skittish brest , and chastitie runnes like a man possest with legion and his diuels : and so raues , as it scornes life in streetes , but liues in graues , as if all vertues vnto heauen were fled , and women scarce thought honest , although dead . nature is now growne monstrous to the earth , that in excesse creates this creatures birth : or those prime elementall-quali●ies , that giue our constitutions properties ; turne pandars in the action of their life , to make a faire face a dishonest wife : or else imaginations deepely wrought by strong impression makes the age so nought : as when some lust full bloud swolne high with wine , and stirring delicates , beares still in mind . the obiect of her dalliance , to exchange her sacred bridall bed for sheetes more strange : since the most simple essense of her soule , immortall and diuine , now blacke and foule , with more then ethiopian gracelesse staine , ne'r blushing at her sinfull die in graine , tasted the philtre compounds of sins harmes , vvith the sweete magick of her pleasing charmes , since all their passions , that kept golden meanes , vvithout the amorous flames of loues extreames , since women did corrupt their naturall graces , and by complexion did create new faces , since their proud sex did studie to repaire , robbing the dead : their owne more comely haire , since their apostate sexe began to slide from faith to super sttoion , and to pride , since all this metamorphosis began wo-man , you make a locall hell for man : he miserie of man affords but this , an aristippus , and semiramis : murder and lust like two insatiate twinnes , reuels in surfets of our noble sinnes . vvell vnto cato , this the world did giue : " oh cato thou alone know'st how to liue , " that not in pallaces , and princely bowers , " did st spend the last glasse of thy aged bowers , " where venus sports are like to tennis balles , " bandied from one to tother : till it falles " into the hazards of their honord names , " the chases lost , are rumors and defames : " nor in the scalding suburbes didst thou dwell , " where lust appeares in his hot shape of hell , " the diuels whores , and the tormenting fire . " the stewing steame of sulphured hot desire : " nor in that great metropolis of dames , " that like to dog-daies burne the earth with flames , " as hot in their lasciuious appetites , " as munkeyes : more luxurious in delights , " then amorous flora , that italian whore , " that proudly writ vpon her painted dore , " let none but kings here enter : and as vild in their loose purges of their bed defil'd with their adulterate louers , as if trades did neither marry widowes , wiues , or maides . sooner may shamelesse wiues hate braindford feasts , albertus magnus , or the pilfred iests of some spruce skipiack citizen from playes , a coach , the secret baudihouse for waies , and riotous waste of some new freeman made , that in one yeere to peices breakes his trade , then wash the to adlike speckles of defame , that swell the world with poyson of their shame : what comedies of errors swell the stage with your most publike vices , when the age dares personate in action , for , your eies ranke sceanes of your lust-sweating qualities : why are your ciuill and domestick names , question'd by euery page , or grauer dames censur'd by cuery courtier in your streetes , vnlesse the speaking - figures of your sheets could number one , two , three ; and tell that tricke , whereby you multiplie arithmatick , and cast your false accounts in others beds , vvhilest hornes like siphers only shew their heads of your neglected pheares : or rather why are grauer heads so rich in pollicie , industrious and so cunning in their wares : vvretched in nothing but in doubtfull heires : and yet see not with what immodest croudes , their turtles lie with centaures in the cloudes , vvhy scowres the shallow marchant the deep ocean , euen to the burnt line with his three yeeres motion : leauing his daintie pinnis on the land , like to a man of warre well rigg'd and mann'd by other cunning pilots : pirates rather that robbes him of the honor of a father : and nailes not his profession to the burss , to saue her shipwrackt honor dangerous , from rouers hands and lustfull pyracie of this hot ru●ting age : whose luxurie , eu'n from the hoarie graybeard to the bold and youthfull beardlesse boy-wench we behold priapus altars reake with smoke and fire of quenchlesse passions and vntam'd desire the baudie times tutor their goatish sense in ribawld sciences , and do commence proficients in the art of midwifetrie . pages can non-plus deepe obcenitie in aristotles problemes : and in fine , he 's best , that best disputes in aretine . and i much wonder that this lustie time , that women can both sing and sigh in rime , weepe and dissemble both in baudie meetre , laugh in luxurious pamphlets , like a creature whose very breath , some ouid did create with prouocations , and a longing fate after some stirring meates : wiues couet bookes , not penn'd by artists , but the fruits of cookes prescribing lustie dishes , to enflame their lustie fighting broode vnto their game confections with infections of their kinde , roth both their body , and corrupts the minde . ladies are turned musk-cats , and do sent , as if perfumers bought their excrement : as though their imperfections so did smel , as without ciuet it would poyson hell . ther 's scarce a face , as it was first baptiz'd , that keepes his christian colour : but disguiz'd with lozinges and lotions : as if their hate found fault with god , and could regenerate a better face with painting ; when their formes , may poyson men , but neuer poyson wormes : all these , as if an academick sect , had studied new opinions to infect the soule with fond mortalitie , define the soule organicall , and not diuine : and of a physick-bodie the best part , misconstring physick for the doctors art : these vices flesh the hot rain'd time with lust , and bake cold phlegine to humors more adust and hotter slipps of wedlock : the romans guise to lillie-vesta , offered sacrifice . to esculapius a cock they gaue : but now for venus all our henns we saue . looke you fond doues chain'd to your goddesse carre , those roman sonnes , that haue out-prim'd your starre in chaster beames , and with their motion runne : til maides turne turkes , and leaue their christendome : hypsicrataea , and chaste liuia score for your examples , and with zeale adore the memorable tombe of portias name , that eate hot flaming coales to keepe her fame , from the rough surgerie of scandalous tongues , that time might sing with praise her funerall songs . which antiquaries in a golden page may name the gelded : not the guilded age , sweet meats and al your delicates of vice : packe to the comfit-makers , there intice the baudy midwife , and the pifering nurse to rotten teeth and tatling : but thy curse light not vpon the thrift of cittie wiues life 's sweet , good nam 's farre sweeter thē their liues : perfumes and powders that make faces looke like sculs in church-yards , that but late was tooke from gastly bones , as if the world did lust like sextons to appeare in deadmens dust : as if their periwigs to death they gaue , to meale it in some gastly dead mens graue : and thus like ghosts appeare to humane sight : as if a resurrection should affright the weakenesse of our natures : which ( indeed ) should with diuiner vse the morrall reade of their owne frailties : and like phillips slaue ring a memento of their ashy graue , iust of that colour : for in such a face i reade the horrors of that deadly place , vvhere golgotha was found : this must i tell : nor schrichowses , nor the fatall passing-bell , makes me remember pale necessitie , eternall silence of mortalitie , nore oft then powdred faces : oh ther 's grace , th' are liuing graues , and haue a sauing face . hence then you horrid drugs that do consume the noble rankes like graues : and yet perfume , your vglinesse with pleasure to the sense , chasing their bloods with your hot excellence of lust and amorous charmes : begon , growe dull , and decke the forehead of one gastly scull : that our faire formes may in their beauties rise admir'd , for red and whites simplicities . but now from venus nunnerie of loue , vnto the god of shifts our spheare we moue : charme earth great hermes with thy snaky rod , vvhilest englands ioy adores the shifting god. to the right worshipfvll and worthy gentlemam sir iohn woodward knight , r. a. wisheth the best temporall happinesse , and future riches . of mercurie . ☿ . worthie sir , me thought i obserued in you a saintlike adoration of vertue , not to her image , but to her substance : your actions crownes your worthy intentions , and speakes you more then gentleman like formalitie : the eager appetite of her beautie makes me present her to you vnmaskt , and vnpainted with adulterate complexion : your incouragements are massie , and this labour geometrically proportioned to your person . your onely character is to be ingenious and generous : i haue prooued it , you may hap finde your natiuitie calculated vnder some of these planets : when their influence shall in some of them answer to your acute conceite , i stand bound to you , that haue so nobly espoused this labour for your bedfellow , as alexander kept homers iliades ▪ vnder his pillow : this quintessence extracte● from the phylosophicall body of art without quacke saluing poetrie : may perhaps teach you more then paracelsian skill in the spirits of vertue : and make you more then a bare professor of alcumie , rich and wealthie in the practise of her : you know her grounds are infallible : seeke her therefore in these satyrs , and proue rich in her elixar . your worships to the best of art and power . robert anton. the philosophers sixth satyr of mercurie . ☿ when i obserue how alcumists disclose the fallacie of art , with onely shewes of minerall spirits , and with cheates present , the alterations of each element , and with their tricks like some most powerfull iet , draw greedy fooles to kisse the counterfet , of the elixar , as if art had done , and made more gold , then nature or the sunne : or their purse-purging-misterie of fire , could finde more wealth , then crassus could desire , when i behold rich sweating clownes bemone , the losse of lands for the philosophers stone : men of good worship gulld with oyles and glasses , pawning their plate in hope of gold like asses : oh then , thou god of crochets , and slie trickes . my yerking muse adores thy politickes , when i behold a peasant rich in clothes clad in a tirian-die , and skarlet hose , obscure in parentage , and base in friends , hauing no lands to helpe , but fingers ends , and a false bale of dice , and yet so roares in ordinaries with his band of scoares and librarie of reckonings brauely payed with a high festiuall-surfet , though displayed . then wittie hermes , tell , the age permits , how many gallants onely liue by wits , when i obserue some lawyer shift a case , with angels from his right from place to place , iuggle with by-clarkes , and with counterfees , of either partie , stretch their practises vnto an ambodexter course of right , smooth vp the weake , and fawne on men of might , then winged mercurie i doe admire , the actiue flames of thy most subtill fire , when i behold so many slights of men , eu'n from the scraping and rough citizen , vnto the loftie-climing-dignitie of some smooth courtiers crauing subtiltie : then thou deepe charmer of quick argus eies , thy art with thy bright planet doe arise , when i behold a vsurer ensnare , the lauish issue of some hopefull heire , wrapt vp in bonds for some commodities , with his damn'd broker by his policies , procures for composition , then my braine adores the engins of thy wittie traine , but tell me ( thou acute ingenious man ) that nam'st thy selfe a slie mercurian : thou that like scenica in memorie , transcends the vulgar in capacitie . thou whose rare vertues are vnparaleld , vvhose words , like delphos oracles are held ) thou that do'st censure homer to be blind , both in his mole-eied sense , and in his minde , and call'st thy selfe a wit at euery feast , that cares to loose thy friends more then thy iest , keep'st company at tauernes , and canst write a baudie-pamphlet for a baudes delight , art criticall on stages , and think'st art , to be diffus'd through euery sencelesse part of thy weake iudgement , like some great mans sonne , sent onely vnto cambridge to begon , afore he reades his elements aright , a great mans learning onely rests in sight . know'st thou not fend vsurper of sharpe man , how art defines a true mercurian : not euery brazier ( though his art be rare ) can equall skilfull mirons molten mare , vvhose brazen frame liue stalions vs'd to couer , as if to art proud nature were a louer : not euery limmer of phantastick shapes can weare the name of zeuxes for his grapes : not euery slash of ayres most subtill spirit , shall weare this planets influence with his merit : not euery brickel poet , that aspires , and faine would flie with sidneys noble fires into the brest of greatnesse , we insert into the laureat chor us of quick art . and though the kalends of these daies permits , that euery man will companie the wits : scipio will haue his ennius to indite , and great mecaenas baudy horrace write a pamphlet to i dolatrize their name . yet in the passage of immortall fame , t is not the stirring motion of the pen , nor the phantasticke humors of those men , no , nor their flames begot in smoke and wine , that can inspire their blockheads with diuine , and most inuentions straines of rauishing fits : vnlesse great hermes charme their apish wits vvith arts and deeper skill , then that which wine , brings forth to shame good byrthes with bastard rime : nor euery almanack-maker , that can tell , how euery planet in his house doth dwell , the quarters of the moone , and giue the reason to plow , to purge , to lib in euery season : no , nor a gipses trickes in palmestrie , can merit a true birth from mercurie . no , nor a plodding graduat , deepe in art , that searches euen the center and the hart of euery scruple , that with snake-like twinnes , circles the earth with winding disciplines , we call a right mercurian , that so lookes , as if his soule were nail'd vnto his bookes , except his practick studies well doe show , experience in the age more then to know the literall sense of arts : for out of schooles , your meerest scholers are the meerest fooles . not he , that taken from his colledge teates , and wean'd from schooles vnto the nobler seates of lordly houses : can sharpe hermes boast the god of wits to be his sire and hoast : if to his formall and more sollid vaine , he ioyne not sprightfull carriage to his braine to apprehend the times grosse ignorance , by application of each circumstance vnto his noble charge he takes in hand , that not a tricke , but he can vnderstand within his actiue spirit , and still tries with his owne test the best of subtil●ies , that can prooue fatall : as for others then they may teach scholers , but not gentlemen , monastick-walkes , and circumscriptiue walls , are fit for plodding wits ; when lordly halls , and noble pupils , fit men of those parts , that know the world , and are more then the arts : for singularities best please our sense , but vniuersals giue intelligence in the whole kinde of learning : such as these are right mercurians in their practises , that ioyne with nature , art ; and with their art experience , as a quintessentiall part : nor nature , nor experience ioyn'd in one , giues a mercurian true perfection : except deepe art doe helpe to loade his braine : for both without some learning are in vaine , and farre from politicke influence : but he 's best that hath all three ioyn'd in a compleate breast : for if instinct of nature make a man with subtill trickes a right mercurian : i see not but the ichnumon , memphis god , should challenge in his kinde slie hermes rod : for in his naturall guifts , he doth excell all other slights that men or stories tell : for on his coate he wraps an earthen cake , which by reflection of the sunne doth bake his hardned armor , and with such a slight , impenetrable he begins to fight against the crocodile , and with a wren he showes more craft then most fox-like men can patterne in the triumph of their foe : for both with conquest ioyne in ouerthrow of nylus mons●r , and if onely art , architas wooden doue shall beare a part , of a most slie mercurian ; or that flie , that late a german made most curiously , with busie motion and with yron wings , venting forth buzzing , and lowd whisperings : and if alone experience make such men . i see no reason , but our saylers then , such as haue to wsde the seas with change of land , and seene all fashions : but should vnderstand the mazes of slie mercurie , who on shore are ruder then the winds their sayles haue bore : no , all those three ioyn'd in their sweete consents : like the sweet musicke of the elements , that do agree together in the frame of a sound constitution giues the name , of a most right mercurian : and not fier , or water by themselues , without the quier of their sweet harmony distinctly fixt : can giue a forme vnto a body mixt : as neither autumne , nor the spring alone can make a full yeares reuolution : vnlesse the frostie winter do conspire to make it perfect with the summers fire . nor art , nor nature makes our subtlest wits , except in one triplicitie it fits experience to them both : for in the minde those two like rougher diamonds are resignd , and pollisht by experience : and all three must like diamonds cut themselues with their owne dust : which nothing else can perfect but their owne : diamonds being parted , neuer cut alone their proper bodies : and thus mans perfection : shines like a full-pact constellation : inuention is an action of the soule , whose essence starres nor influence cancontroule : which mercurie himselfe can neuer carrie , or take away but prosperously may varie : in giuing inclinations to our vaines , but art and ripe experience quicks our braines , or rather all three , like three faculties of sense increase : and reasons properties : as in a foure-square figure may be wrought , a triangle from the same bodie brought : rests so in man , and do include each other , nature with art , experience as their mother : all which , if euer they did iumpe in one . or blest mans reason with infusion : great iulius scaliger in thy spectacle i reade no wonder but a miracle , that with these three so blest thy subtilties . scilfull in thirteene seuerall languages , that time shall sing thy sharpe natiuitie , not vnder , but beyond bright mercurie . besides the mixture of the elements , that sweetly play vpon our temperaments . either in higher , or in base degrees of actiue or their passiue qualities , may adde vnto the temper of the scull . quicke winding sceanes or plots more grosse and dull : the airie sanguine temper quickly stirrs , and apprehends , like busie scribelers , that in a tearme time , like to vintners lads , vp staires and downe with nimble motion gads , subiect to agitation , yet consumes his slight impressions in his ayerie fumes : such are the idle motion of those men , that with poetick furie of their pen. snatch at each shadow of a sodaine wit , like esops dog ; that in the sun-shine bit the shadow of the flesh : like oares or sculs that crie the first man , and so drags and puls at sight of a conceite : that scare their sense . losing their fare by offring violence . the chollericke complexion hot and drie , writes with a seriants hand most gripingly . the phlegmaticke in such a waterie vaine , as if some ( riming-sculler ) got his straine . but the sound melancholicke mixt of earth , plowes with his wits , and brings a sollid birth : the labor'd lines of some deepe reaching scull , is like some indian ship or stately hull , that three yeares progresse furrows vp the maine , bringing rich ingots from his loaden braine : his art the sunne , his labors are the mines , his sollid stuffe the treasure of his lines : mongst which most massiue mettals i admire the most iudicious beaumont , and his fire : the euer colum builder of his fame , sound searching - spencer with his faierie-frame : the labor'd muse of iohnson , in whose loome his silke-worme stile shall build an honor'd toombe in his owne worke : though his long curious twins hang in the roofe of time with daintie lines : greeke-thundring chapman beaten to the age with a deepe furie and a sollid rage . and morrall daniell with his pleasing phrase , filing the rockie methode of these daies . as for those dromidarie wits , that flie with swifter motion , then swift time can tie to a more snaile-like progresse , slow and sure , may their bold becham muse the curse indure , of a waste-paper pesthouse , and so rise , as like the sunnes proud flower it daily dies . besides , another cause of wits rarieties , consists vpon the climates form'd varieties . that from the articke , to the southerne cape , alters our humors to a diuerse shape , the northerne tike is faire , grosse , dull and hard . the southerne man more pliant doth regard the witty layes , and madrigals of arts : but from the north , are men of tuffer parts , brawnie labourious hinds for labour fit , come from that pole , from tother men of wit : rough-hewne vntutord groomes come from the north , but vertues frō the south of milder worth . and from each climates variation , proceedes the changes of both men and nation . the alman rutter in his wit more cold , the french more sudden , and the italian bold , the spaniard subtill , though with much delay , craftie in vengeance , wittie to betray . the dutch potwittie , and the irish man , a most dissembling politician : the scotch man poore in wit , yet very thriuing , of a broad speech , yet subtill in contriuing . the englishman more poore then he is knowne for wit and clothes , for neither are his owne . but here from mercurie againe i runne , bearing the pillers of alcmenaes sonne with ne plus vltra , in this planets praise , leauing the learned trophees of greene bayes to ioues owne nuncius winged mercurie , to crowne more worthier browes in memorie of a more curious modell , then my pen can limme out to the life in other men : for not like phoeeton i doe aspire , to melt my selfe in this coelestiall fire , or like vaine poets , listen to the aire offond opinion , what it holds for rare : but if this satyr haue err'd ought in matter , may his tongue blister , that will speake to flatter , yet thus much boldly to the contrary i boldly speake , by leaue of mercury , that though no wayes , i can his influence merit , my muse beyond his starres shall mount in spirit . and to a holier hierarchie flie , to sing a more diuiner hystorie : but now of cynthia and her beames i writ , t is now full-moone , apes daunce in such a night . to the right honovrable thomas lord windesor , r. a. wisheth a prosperous perpetuitie of health and happinesse . of the moone . ☽ my noble lord , i much applaude your contemplatiue election in retiring your selfe with many worthy examples , as cato to picen , and scipio to a farme to a contented countrie life . you see the poyson of populous places , and the babel fall of popularitie , the vicissitude of times are full of pestilent perils . let your noble vertues make you happie in knowing your selfe , and canonicall in making vse of the greatest ruines of higher fortunes ; my loue and ancient duty contend both to gratifie your honour . reade here the mutabilitie of time , and be reseruing in your noble nature : what you find doctrine and vsefull : t is a handfull , but infinite in my loue and seruices . and i conclude with the poet , non rebus exiguis vacat abesse ioui . your lordships in all seruice and loue , robert anton. the philosophers seventh satyr of the moone . ☽ of all the planets , this appeares most strange in apparitions and inconstant change : sometime she like a sithe her face doth show , that barbes the fields , when they vnciuill grow : sometimes againe she like a rounded-ball : her crumped hornes appeare most sphaericall : which forms the bright sun ( heauens imperial starre ) prints in her pale cheeke with his golden carre : sometimes approaching with his stately head but once a month , lordlike his ladies bed : which is the reason why her plumpe fac't rheumes swell man and beast , plants , mines in pleni-lunes , as she is neere or distant from the sunne : so diuers in aspects her courses runne , empresse of floods , that swelst as thou dost please the fluxe , and refluxe of the sturdie seas : whisper to nature that deepe misterie of neptunes mightie tides , whose sophistrie made that great probleme maister dash his braine , against the billowes of the curled maine , making the ocean , with his spatious roome , at once his graue , his coffin , sheete and tombe . his double motion ( as some vnderstand ) was not receiued from gods eternall hand : although his bounds the mouer hath assign'd , to which the headstrong ocean is confin'd , but from that glorious siluer-fionted starre . that giues high floods , or ebs , as pleaseth her : but why , my nectared muse dost thou distill such rosie-adors from thy bitter quill : and cease to aduance vnto thy satyrs reede : to nettle time and make abuses bleede . lanch the impostumed age vnto the quicke , and ( dutchman-like ) with desperate sencing sticke . among all things that subiect are to change , there 's nothing fixt , but is inclinde to range : * which made copernicus this maxime proue , that the fixt earth did from his center moue : if nothing then in earth , in seas , or skies : but ( proteus-like ) to change it selfe applies . bright weather-cocke of heauen , let me vnstrip the changing influence of thy ladyship . woman , i could like bels thy changes ring , and like a foule-mouthd mantuan raile and sing " of thy inconstant words , vncertaine vowes : " change of thy smiles , thy passions , and thy browes : " change of thy heart , hand , tongue , and rowling eye : " change both in loue , and hate setremitie : " change to all changes , and if more change may " from saint to diuell , change euen when you pray . but i enough haue dwelt vpon your starre , let it suffise , the world knowes what you are , a bit-borne curse , an eele , a bee to sting : a cockatrice to kill , syren to sing . but leauing you for mans eternall bane : bright cynthia , let me sing th' inconstant vaine of these vncert aine times , and truly show how all things change , and with thy beames do flow : nor woman , nor the change of elements , nor the moones changes do more change present ; then the inconstant monstrous multitude : whose giddy hydra-heads all formes include , marke how the winds breaking their brazen-guard , changes each point of compasse , or of card : sometimes full east , sometimes againe full west . so change the furies of the poopels brest : agreat-mans fortune , that like full-moones rise like dolphins , these adore ; but when it dies , and wants from fuller influence of respect . when his ambitious beames no more reflect , vpon the baser bodies ; then their tide in shallow ebbes , and falling currents aside : as greatmens miserie , that like the sun attended with twelue-signes their progresse run , when their bright honors do ascend the skie like aries then they beare him companie , in comfort of his spring-tide and high state . adore the high solstitiall of his fate : but when his rising honors do decline , then with his fall fals the dissembling signe into aquarius , and from their eyes drop onely teares to shrowd him , when he dies . the peacooketraine of heauens all-colourd bow , paints not more colours then these iayes do show that haue the falling-sicknesse : when such fall , moores at their east , dogs at their funerall . oh popularitie that cost more heads then there are worms within their shamed beds , to eate their treasons with their honord bones to their first elements , or weeping stones , to wash their shame in teares : how haue your charms betrayed the nobler parts of arts and armes to an vntimely graue , which time shall write in bleeding characters to after-sight . how many stately cedars haue you lopt , vvhose state cloud-kissing-branches ouertopt the humble shrub , whose ruin'd timber lies to build new hopes to their dead families . here could my muse with history conclude the fatall changes of the multitude . and like a vizard to nobilitie , fright their depending popularitie . but this in breefe true subiects shall suffise , " he 's wisest , that by others harmes growes wise , when i behold the queene of seas and night , shifting her formes in changes to our sight . i see the world ( cameleon-like ) pursue her changing humors and her diuers hue . sometimes me thinks i see a peasant ride , in his full-moone , of surfet and of pride , as if he tilted gainst authoritie , defied his taylors importunitie , scornd his poore saffron-laundresse and his hoast , beat his poore shoomaker , and rid in post to dicing-tauerns , next day without faile his moone is chang'd , he damned in a iayle . sometimes i see some sacred retiques turnd to theaters prophane , and tapers burnd for damned comedies , where singing quires at midnight cast their odoriferous fires : which to a diuell would appeare a change of most vnchristian toleration strange : sometimes i see more then mine eyes would see steeples to stables turn'd , and sanctitie , chang'd into rauenous roabes of pollicie . that i more wonder at this transmutation , then at the moones alturnate alteration : againe , reflect mine eye vpon the age that was and is , i see times pilgrimage corrupted with such pestilence of euill , that man to man turnes wolfe : nay more a diuell . i see ambition begging innocence well-landed , for a foole ; as if all sense were tied to pompe or policie of state that our best landed men are fooles by fate : which makes mē count a scholler blest in schooles , which though they begge : the 'r seldom begd for fools he 's got in an eclipse , so weake by birth , he liues by th' aire ; hath not a foote of earth : this is a fatall thing , prodigious chance : great fortunes fauour grossest ignorance . sometimes i see the euer-turning spheare of man and fortune like new-moones appeare . still waxing to a full increase of light , till it seeme round full - circled and most bright to all men eyes : till by the darkesome shade of some mischance , a blacke eclipse be made . thus haue i seene inconstant tradesmen floate now rich , to morrow broake not worth a groate . t is the condition of this glorious frame , and all things that beneath the moone we name : nay , eu'n the things aboue her orbed - face , do couet changes from their naturall place . till with mutations , all things thinke it best , to melt vnto their chaos , and so rest . when man is borne , and ( speechlesse ) prophesies of times successions , and his miseries : he first begins to waxe ; then wanes to worse , sees many moones , and then begins to curse the changes of the times : which many yeares . his vexed soule hath markt the swift careeres of sunne and moone , and notes the age turnd iew , with tedious howers : then he bids adeiw vnto his golden daies , when in his rage , his long liu'd tongue speakes of the wicked age , tels what a braue world t was , when bullens towers , trembled like aspen leaues at henries powres : obseruing not the world the same to stand . vvhen t is mens manners change and not the land : here could i fing the changes of all states , eu'n from the conquering and victorious gates of tyber-grasping roome , tell of her storie , vvrite of her changes and her waning glorie . euen to this mightie westerne monarchie . since first the danes subdude her libertie . but more then i can write , all things perswade . what euer were , or is to be , shall fade . and though the world were euiternall thought . t is not eternall , but shall change to nought : but now i turne my sailes from seas to land . here 's more then men will reade or vnderstand : though orderly next to the firmament , these wandring planets do themselues present : and next to them earth , water , aire , and fire : succeed in place my spirit to inspire , vvith matter of diuine philosophie , to tell of euerie primate qualitie : that with predomination doth present the lordly pride of euerie element in bodies mixt : and first i should repaire to the three regions of the subtill aire : tell of the fearefull comets in the skie , whose diuers formes giue to the prodigie ten fearefull seuerall kinds : which so we name as they are diuers in their formes or flame : of thunder , lightning , and their blasting might● of haile , snow , raine , and tempests of the night , of fiers , that haunt churchyards and forlorne graues : of winds by which our ships dance on the waues : of earthquakes , and the veines of euerie mine . of gold , for which we cut the burning line : of plants , of trees , and of their qualities , how in their formes and place they simbolize . and how againe for enuie and despight , the vine and colewort neuer do delight to grow one by another : then to sing , of glistering iewels , and each pretious thing : to tell the vertue of the chrysolite , the sparkling carbuncle that shines by night , the purple hyacinth , whose stone imparts sollace and mirth to our griefe-nummed harts : the heauenly azure saphirs qualitie , whom authors say , preserueth chastitie , the greene smaragdus , foe to venus reakes , whose stone in hot coniunction blushing breakes , and many more , that by the glorious sunne in the earths wombe take their conception , these in their order should my pen incite of natures vniuersall workes to write , and in sweet morall lectures to applie the worlds abuses to their misterie : but that i hardly can be brought , to thinke the time loues gaull , by which i make mine inke , or haue so much wit in their shallow braines . to reade and vnderstand me for my paines . for by this plague we euer are outstript , when we whip others we our selues are whipt by carters , and poore silly senslesse hinds ; whose grosser bodies carry grosser minds for vnderstanding : such lend onely lookes , and thinke of poems as of coniuring bookes : where in they see braue circles to the eye , but more admire then know the misteriee of arts profunditie : i feare none but such : my selfe hath liu'd too long , and writ too much . finis notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e p●thagoras , his opinion . the end of man. anaxagoras . principle . motus raptus , or contrary motion . plinie lib. . vt nauta naui it a intelligentia coeli . zab. lib. de motu coeli . scalig. excer . . sect. . heauenneeds no place of conseruation . sol & homo generat hominem . ptolomies opinion . empuros . arist. aquinas his opinion . math. ch. . in this heauen paul was rapt . genes . . parescumparibus . sapiens dominabitur astris . a●st . lib. . de coelo . the world is eternall . theophrastus plinie . notes for div a -e cic. odimus quos timemus uox populi vox dei. corruptio vnius , generatio alterius . the beautious princesse elizabeth . notes for div a -e arist. l. . probl . . animum cum coelo mutant . zabarell lib. . de motu grauium & leuium . uenienti occurrite morbo . non nobis solum nati . aristocrat●a . democratia . monarchia . omnis motus non est causa calorss . scaliger . notes for div a -e virtus vera nobil●tas . omnia mea mecum porte . pithegoeas his opinion . anima est tota●toto & in qualibet parte . thales opinion of water to be the mother of all things . notes for div a -e himmasequitur temperamentum corporis opino galen . notes for div a -e zeuxis an excellent painter . singulariae sensus vniuersali● intellectus . aris. topi. lib. prim . ichnumon or pharoahs rat regdomontanus made a flie of iron like a natural flie. notes for div a -e * copernicus his opinion . visions, or hels kingdome, and the worlds follies and abuses, strangely displaied by r.c. of the inner temple gent. being the first fruits of a reformed life sueños. english quevedo, francisco de, - . this text is an enriched version of the tcp digital transcription a of text s in the english short title catalog (stc ). textual changes and metadata enrichments aim at making the text more computationally tractable, easier to read, and suitable for network-based collaborative curation by amateur and professional end users from many walks of life. the text has been tokenized and linguistically annotated with morphadorner. the annotation includes standard spellings that support the display of a text in a standardized format that preserves archaic forms ('loveth', 'seekest'). textual changes aim at restoring the text the author or stationer meant to publish. this text has not been fully proofread approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. earlyprint project evanston,il, notre dame, in, st. louis, mo a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) visions, or hels kingdome, and the worlds follies and abuses, strangely displaied by r.c. of the inner temple gent. being the first fruits of a reformed life sueños. english quevedo, francisco de, - . croshawe, richard. [ ], [i.e. ], [ ] p. printed by e.g[riffin] for simon burton at his shop next the mitre taverne, within algate, london : . a translation, by richard croshawe, of: quevedo, francisco de. suenõs. printer's name from stc. page is misnumbered . reproduction of the original in the british library. eng satire, spanish -- early works to . a s (stc ). civilwar no visions, or hels kingdome, and the worlds follies and abuses, strangely displaied by r.c. of the inner temple gent. being the first fruits o quevedo, francisco de c the rate of defects per , words puts this text in the c category of texts with between and defects per , words. - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - john pas sampled and proofread - john pas text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion visions , or , hels kingdome , and the worlds follies and abuses , strangely displaied by r. c. of the inner temple gent. being the first fruits of a reformed life . longè vadit , qui nunquam redit . london , printed by e. g. for simon burton at his shop next the mitre taverne , within algate , . to the right worshipfull sr. thomas metham , of metham in the county of yorke knight . richard croshawe dedicates these his first fruits , as the reall intentions of a reformed life . to the students of the innes of court . geentlemen , matter is better than words . if you bee noble , worthy , and ingenuous , these many precipitations i here discover , need no other effect than honest pity : but if these endowments of the minde bee excluded , either by the rashnesse of youth ( an ill tutour ) ; or by violent prodigality and licentiousnesse , ( a worse disciple ) ; my desire is , that my serious lightnesse , may arrow-like pierce your consciences , to an unfained repentance . the more you are contristate , the lesse will be your sorrow ; for to lament , is here to rejoyce : and such joy i wish may be accumulated on you , and on all those , that either love goodnesse , or are estranged from it . the reason why i present this booke in chiefe to you ( after the interessed dedication ) is , because being my selfe , of one of your societies , my observation and experiment hath made mee conjecture , that these two should never bee unwelcome , advice and delight . the first whereof , if my booke doe not instruct , yet mine owne deviation ( still knowne to many ) may , seeing there is no stability in bubbling pleasure , nor no true content without a religious returne ; so you have both precept and example . and as for the latter , it is better wisht than described . reade and judge . the honourer of your vertues , richard croshaw . to the reader . reader , i am no libeller , what is here written , is written for thy instruction , and not to detract from any mans worth . for i ingenuously protest , there is not any one in particular living , that i intend either by this or that : what i have done was for mine owne recreation , and had not beene now published , but by entreaty . excuse therefore the errours in it , since they proceed from him that is full of errour ; and if thou meanest to live contentedly , learne to live well ; so shalt thou finde , that hell is here onely described , that thou maist avoid it ; and the way set downe of the damned , to shew thee the path of paradise . richard croshawe . the severall visions . . the possessed sergeant . . death and her dominion . . the last iudgement . . the foole amorous . . the world in its interior . . hell . errata . pag. lin. errour correct . fomer former shirts skirts parching patching entred suted   not visions . the first vision : or , the possessed sergeant . various and inconstant is the life of man : sometimes lifted up with the height of prosperity , where hee not onely sees , but enjoyes all the pleasures of the world . and by and by cast downe into the gulph of misery , where hee findes such bitter fruits in the punishment of his ill governed wayes , that there remaines not so much as a taste or relish of his fomer felicity . thus hath god weighed out these two conditions , that none should presume there is any reall happinesse but in him onely , nor any obscure adversity , but by repentance may bring us unto him . such meditations as these , was i mastered by , in a remote and farre countrey : when i could not choose but fall into a serious contemplation of mine owne vanity ; heartily desiring , that i might finde out some way , whereby i might lessen those calamities , which by custome were almost growne hereditary . night grew on , and sleepe seeing mee utterly destitute , became herselfe a friend ; and in slumber made mee conceive i was an actor in this vision . methought . curiosity that stirres up all men to things rare and new , invited mee one morning to behold the severall imbellishments of a famous monastery ; whither i was no sooner come , but i found the doore shut , and beganne in my selfe to censure the peoples devotion , who to that houre of day had neglected pious duties . yet least opinion might deceive me , i enquired of one that stood at the porch , what the reason might bee , of that unaccustomed privacy ? who telling me that the religious men had excluded all others , that they themselves might better endeavour to expell the spirit out of one possessed , encreased my desire to gaine admission : which i had no sooner ruminated on , but i espied one of the same covent , with whom i had formerly gained some acquaintance , and to whom with some earnestnesse i manifested the obligements i should owe him , if hee would admit mee a sight so unfrequent . as curtesie generally exceeds in all of that brotherhood , so in him it found a seat of eminency , who staying not to dispute , or by feigned complements to declare the difficulty , made signes with a pleasing gesture , that i should follow him ; and with a key , which hee tooke from his girdle , opening a private doore , granted my request before hee promised it . but when i was got in , i could not tell whether with more safety , i should postulate a dismission backe , or resolve to stay , so full of horrour was the object . in the chancell on the floore lay a man of a most hideous aspect , his apparell torne , hands bound , eyes staring , mouth extended , and feet chained to the raile about the altar : sometimes starting up , and againe voluntarily flinging himselfe to the ground , yelling , shriking , and howling , as if the universall doom of punishment for sinne had been laid on him onely . this and the feare i was strucken in , made mee partaker of his unexpressible torture , and to cry out , o lord ! what is this ? the exorcist a holy father , that was diligent about him , made answer , it was a man possest with an evill spirit , and had hardly spoke , but the tormentour tooke the word . the conjurer , said hee , lyes ; this is not a man possest by a devill , but a devill possest by a man . discoursers take heed what you speake , for in questions and answers , you rather bewray your ignorance , than knowledge . understand that wee devils are not ( as i am now ) in the bodies of sergeants , but by constraint , and against our wils ; and therefore if you will name mee as you ought , you must say that i am a devill sergeantiz'd , and not a sergeant diaboliz'd : which you may easily credit by this , because all men speed better with us than with them , since wee flie the crosse , ( fixt on the top of the mace , ) but they make use of it as an instrument whereby to doe mischiefe . and though i must confesse there is a great correspondency betweene their offices and ours , in that they procure other mens hurt , as well as wee ; and as wee desire there may bee none but wicked and guilty men in the world , so doe they also : yet theirs is with a most eager greedinesse , pricked forward through an hellish disposition , and an avaritious desire of gaine ; but ours onely for company sake . and in this also they are more to be blamed than we , because their evill turnes to the destruction of their owne sexe and kinde , which wee abhorre . for wee are angels though deprived of grace , and had never beene converted into devils , had wee not stroven to bee equall with god . but sergeants turne sergeants to be the vilest of men , and greatly delight in the miserable confusion of others ; so that you all strive in vaine to present comfort to this wretch , since there is no man so godly , that stayes not in his tallons if he once can catch him , and they and wee may well bee both of an order , were it not that they are devils cloathed and shod , but we naked and bare-footed , ( as you are , ) leading an hard life in hell . though we were all transported with wonder to heare these diabolicall speeches , yet did they not at all hinder the frier from continuing his exorcismes ; who hoping to still the spirit , cast holy water on him : but that was rather a motive to further tattle . thinke not , said hee , your blessing of water can make it available , i tell you it rather hurts than benefits , there being nothing that sergeants hate more than it . for men have so often revenged themselves in this kinde , in heat flinging them into rivers , to coole their appetite : in cold , into privy bathes , to warme their malice , that it is growne abominable to them : who cannot any way bee accounted good christians , because both their office and name is derived from moores and barbarians , nations that never made a conscience of any thing . wound not your selves by beleefe , ( said the religious man to the assembly ) the devill was ever a lyar , and if wee suffer him , will raile and murmur against justice her selfe ; because by correcting the world , and chastising vice , she snatches away many soules from him , which otherwise would have been ensnared . dotard ( said the inmate ) dispute not with me , for i know more than thou dost ; but if thou wilt doe mee a pleasure indeed , banish mee this sergeants body : for i am a devill of quality , and when i returne to hell shall be soundly swaggerd at , for haunting so bad a companion . through the compassion i have of those bitter torments thou makest him suffer , by gods grace , ( said the divine ) i will doe it , and not for the foolish words thou speakest . wherefore dost thou so much afflict him ? can i doe lesse ? ( answered he ) when at this very instant , his spirit is contending with mine , who should be the greater devill , he or i. the fraternity regarded not his malicious answers , but i whose feare , beganne to bee lesse , and inquisitivenesse more , tooke great delight to heare him prattle . and turning to the reverend man , desired , that ( if possible so much licence might be given to a stranger ) he would partly hinder the poore mans endurement , and permit mee to demand some few questions of the intruder ; which it might bee would not onely benefit my selfe , but accrue to the good of some of mine owne countrimen , if at any time i should make them familiar with the passages . this was no sooner spoke , and condiscended to , but the spirit forcing the body to looke upon mee , and laughing at me , began . we have kindred and friends ( said hee ) both in court and city ; when there are poets , they doe us many good offices , by the trade of venery and macquerellage . and though their wits can clothe their fancies in a higher straine than you doe , yet you all , tending ro the same center , and embracing the same science , are bound to give your attendance to maintaine the honour of those of your profession , whom wee suffer in hell . are there any poets in hell , said i ? yes many , ( replied hee , ) the way is so easie , and they doe so swarme , that wee must bee faine to enlarge their abode , and there is nothing in the world so delightfull as to see a poet in the first year of his freshmanship there , who most commonly brings letters of favor , directed to our superior magistrates , thinking to finde charon , cerberus , rhadamant , eacus , and minos . but what paines doe they suffer ( said i , feeling my selfe galled ? ) many ( replied hee ) and those such as are proper to the trade . some are tormented in hearing the workes of others rehearsed , ( the punishment also of musitians ) which they envy , yet cannot mend . there are some of a thousand yeares continuance in hell , and yet have not made an end of reading the stanza's they composed of incontinency . others that rubbe the palmes of their hands , scratch their foreheads , beate their browes , and teare their haire , and yet cannot resolve whether is most proper , disaffected or unaffected , depainted or unpainted , because the word comes from painting . there are others , that seeking out a consonancy , as it were blindfolded , walke raving to and fro , biting their nailes and eating their band-strings , till they fall into holes and pits , from whence wee have a great deale of trouble to plucke them out . but those that endure most , and are worst entreated are comicke poets , justly punished for making a rape upon the honour of so many queenes , princesses , and great persons in england , by their unequall matches of them ; and in their playes for displaying so many invectives against men of esteeme . with these of the land , water poets are not planted , but because they have used so many inventions , fictions , and lyes , to coozen the world , and get money , are put among proctours and solicitours , as amongst people that live by that exercise : for you must understand , that as there is great conveniency , so there is very good order kept in hell . the other day there came thronging to us of all sorts ; hee that first enterd , was a conceited fellow , a drawer , one that by devising patternes for wastcoates , &c. got no small favour ; whom when we thought to quarter with projectours , wee remember that hee said , besides his draught hee could counterfeit to the life , therefore hee was setled with scriveners and attournyes , as among them that can draw and counterfeit upon all occasions . another called himselfe a cutter ; he was asked whether of stone or marble ? but saying hee was of their kinde who cut off mens purses , and at masques ladies shirts , wee put him with detractours and evill speakers , as amongst those that rend the garments of anothers good fame . blinde men that thought to shrowd themselves among poets , were thrust among lovers , because of the sympathy . and vintners with waterbearers , because of the mixture . fooles were chamberd up with astrologers and alchymists . murderers with physitians . ill dealing tradesmen with iudas . evill magistrates and ministers with the bad thiefe . citizens with shufflers . and brokers with jewes . and to conclude , there is not any common-wealth so well ordered as hell , where every one hath a retirement according to his quality . i thinke you spoke of lovers , ( said i ) and because i am as well sensible of that infirmity as of poetry , i would willingly know if there bee many ? love being a great spot of oyle which spreads all abroad , ( added hee ) thou needest not doubt but hell is well throngd with the amorous . there are of divers sorts . some that are lovers of themselves , others of their money , others of their speeches , others of their workes , and some of their wives , and of that kinde there are very few , because women are of such malignant natures , that by their disloyalty , imperfections , and searching wits , they give every day new subject to their husbands to repent of their conjunction and alliance with them . all lovers are delightfull to see , and full of mirth , if there may bee said to bee any in hell . some you would take for a millaners shop , they are so deckt with points , knots , and ribbens , of all sorts , which they call favours . others for a periwigge makers stall , they are so hung with bracelets , amulets , and lockes of all haires and all colours . you would take some for messengers to a great city , laden with packets and epistles to and from their mistresses ; which they call love-letters , but we inflamers , because they serve to inflame and burne the bearers . and others for jesters , the posture of their wooing is so ridiculous , who once loved , but never obtained . these are condemned for short shooting , yet wonne the game ; and those for kisses that never betrayed . under them , in a dirty and stifling hole , carpeted with beasts hornes , were those that you call cuckolds ; creatures that at the first beganne to bustle with us , objecting a double injury , if they should now againe bee punisht , that in the world had already received disgrace sufficient : the horne grafted upon their forehead , being first taken from the devils owne brow , who in the shape of a man made the first cuckold . but when wee told them that the divell never wore hornes , but that they were derived from the goat and ramme , emblems of mans libidinousnesse , and the name of cuckold from the cuckoe , a bird that having plundered the issue of an innocent , maketh her hatch her viperous brood , or else from mens owne indulgence and womens impudence ; they became the most peaceable of all our pensionaries , and are armed with incomparable patience : for having beene heeretofore strengthened and fortified in the unfaithfull dealings of their wicked wives , they are never angry at any thing that is done unto them . in which respect , and our owne pity , wee have advanced them into one of our fairest upper lodgings : and in their dungeon have placed such as are lovers of age and old women , who are strongly chained ; for divels themselves doe not hold their honour safe , amongst people whose taste is so depraved . but having satisfied your curiosity , i must tell you that wee divels are much offended , in that you mortals so slovenly besmeare and disfigure us . sometimes painting us with clawes and tallons , yet are wee neither . eagles nor griffins . then gluing tailes to our posteriours , as if wee needed flie-flappes , or the world should mistake us for hernes . and then parching on our chinnes , wenny , and welky beards , to metamorphose us into turky-cocks and cocks combs ; yet there bee divels amongst us that may well bee taken for scholars and philosophers . but you had best mend this , if you covet a good fire when you come to visit us . wee asked the other day that painter whom you call michael angelo ( though improperly ) why he presented us in his judgement with so many beasts hooves , deformed bodies , wry neckes , and crabbed faces ? his answer was , that having never seene any of our tribe , and not crediting there were any , he had made that piece after his owne fancy , and not out of any ends of malice . but ignorance did not excuse his sinne , for hee now findes the reality of that , hee would not before beleeve . we complaine also , that in your familiar discourse one with another , you give us unnecessary presents . behold ( sayes one ) how this divell tailor hath abused mee , how hee makes mee wait , how he hath stolne from me ; would hee were in hell ! you doe us a great deale of wrong to wish them there , or to make such comparisons ; for wee never suffer them to come nigh us but with a great deale of intreaty : because they doe already alleage the name of inheritance , in that custome is a second law . and having taken possession of theft , oftner keeping stuffes demanded of them , than sabbaths commanded ; they enter grumbling and muttering when we doe not open the backedoore , and thereby acknowledge them legitimate children . the divell take it and thee , sayes another to him and those things that displease him ; keepe your gifts at home , for of this kinde there come more than wee fetch , neither doe wee take all that are given ; for wee make a conscience of some things : and would not accept of the forward letcher when he sayes , i would i might be damned to lie with such a beauty , but that hee does enforce us . you bestow likewise on the divell every roguish page and foot-boy ; but hee will have none of them , for know ( that for the most part ) they are more wicked than divels themselves . also you give to the divell an italian , but the devill thankes you with all his heart , yet loves not to bee undermined . an englishman , but hee will have none of their new fashions . a spaniard , but hee that knowes the tyranny they use in making themselves masters of townes , when once they are permitted entrance ; detests their cruelty . and a frenchman , but the divels stomacke will not serve him , because they are already parboyld ; and therefore intreats you to send them to the great t●rk● to season , and make eunuchs . here the spirit became silent ; when hearing a noise behinde mee , made by one who had crept in , and was thrusting to get foremost , i turned about to see who durst bee so uncivill in a place so sacred . and perceived it to bee a certaine informer , that had been the cause of the undoing of one of my deare associates . therefore that i might a little vindicate my friend , i againe questioned the possessour . seeing so many men of divers conditions inhabit your clime , are there none there of those horse-leeches , those plagues to kingdomes , projectours , & c ? you are cunning , ( said hee ) know you not that these vermin are the naturall heires to damnation , and have their patrimony assigned in perpetuall darkenesse ; yet know also that wee are upon the point to discard them , for they are growne unthankfull , beginne to scuffle with us ▪ and would willingly lay a tribute upon the wayes to hell , but because the charge encreases dayly , and wee beleeve that in processe of time the taxe will mount so high , that our agents on earth will be constrained to forsake their commerce , ( a thing very prejudiciall to our common-wealth ) wee will from henceforth shut our gates and utterly exclude them . in doing so you may be injurious , ( said i ) for then they will aime at heaven . never feare that , ( proceeded hee ) for that is a traffique they never delighted in . but , i pray you , on whom will they raise these new impositions ? if you labour to know all the circumstances , ( answered hee ) bid that fellow draw nigh that stands there ( pointing to my gentleman ) for hee is of the occupation . at this the company presently cast their eyes upon him , whereat hee was so ashamed , that turning his backe , and plucking his hat over his eyes , hee slunke away , leaving the by-standers astonished , and me revenged . and when the tumult was appeased , the divell continuing said , is my champion absent ? i care not greatly , if i supply his place . understand then , that the monopolies they would now finde out , and the imposts they would impose and set forward are upon jewels , rings , plate , and precious stones , upon lace , handkerchers , dressings , gorgets , and the nice attire of women , upon coaches that serve for no other purpose but to hurry men to tavernes , theaters , and the assignations of love . upon excesse of apparell , feasts , and stately moveables . upon play-houses , the schooles of blasphemy and obscenesse . and generally upon all other things whatsoever , that serve to enhance the pride of the world , and encrease our empire ; which will become utterly desolate , unlesse some good magistrate , and our friend , oppose himselfe against them . not so , ( i persisted by way of interruption ) in this mee thinkes they are very reasonable , seeing that the toleration of such things serve onely to pervert good manners , corrupt chastity , stirre up riot and prodigality , and utterly ruinate modesty and vertue . but concerning magistrates of whom thou beginnest to speake , can it bee possible that there are any judges in hell ? a fine question ( replied the divell ) friend , a wicked judge is the seed that fructifies most for us : 't is a graine from which we every yeare receive a thousand doctours , ten thousand proctours . advocates , and lawyers ; and more than twenty thousand marshals and pettifoggers ; so that many times when the yeares are fruitfull in cheating and deceit , wee have not garners enough to containe the fruit that comes unto us by the meanes of corrupt judges . wilt thou then inferre that there is no justice upon earth ? yes , ( said hee ) if the story of astrea bee true , didst thou ever heare it ? no , hearken then , ( said the fiend ) and i will tell it . truth and justice on a time came together to inhabite the earth , but found none to entertaine them ; because one ( which was truth ) was naked , and the other severe . in the end after they had wandered up and downe , like vagabonds without shelter , truth was enforced to dwell with one that was dumbe , and justice seeing her selfe unregarded , and that her name was usurped by tyrants , resolved to returne : yet that shee might leave no way unessayed , shee retired from courts , palaces , and cities , and travelled into the countrey , where in cottages and villages shee rested a while under the simplicity and integrity of the poore inhabitants ; from whence envy ( that never left to persecute her ) remov'd her also . then went she to gentlemens houses ; but being never bred up to lie , when they demanded who shee was , answering , i am iustice ; they drove her from them too , saying , we know not what that is . so that being generally refused , shee fled or rather flew up to heaven , scarce leaving behind so much as the trace of her footsteps . since when , men remembring her name , attribute that kind of scepter or mace unto her , which hath a crosse at the top ; which although it have got the title , yet sometimes burnes the basis , because that many times through the abuse of it , it helpeth better to steale , than the hookes , false keyes , and ladders of theeves . for humane covetousnesse is growne to that height , that all have converted the faculties of their mindes and senses , into instruments to commit theft . the lover , doth hee not steale a virgins honour , with her owne consent ? the lawyer , doth he not steale his clients goods , with his knowledge , when hee perverts the sense of the law ? the comedian , doth he not steal his spectators heart , when hearkning unto the verses hee hath conn'd , hee looses time . the amorous , doth hee not steale with his eyes ? the eloquent with his tongue ? the powerfull with his armes ? the valiant , with his hands ? the musician , with his voyce and fingers ? the dancer , with his feet ? the physician , with death ? the apothecary , with health and sickenesse ? the chirurgion , with blood ? the astrologer with heaven ? and there is no man but steales one way or other , but most of all the sergeant ; who contrary to all these , steales away both his soule and body by wilfull relinquishment ; for hee forsakes them with his eyes , flies from them with his feet , and disavowes them with his tongue . and they are most of them so wicked , that wee say of them , as you of the pestilence , good lord deliver us . i wonder ( said i to the intruder ) that thou hast not reckoned women among theeves , knowing they are of the same mystery ? alas ! speake not of women , let them alone , i pray you , ( said hee ) for wee are so pestered , weary , and troubled with them , that wee desire not their remembrance , but to speake truth , if there were not so many in hell , that would bee none of the worst habitation , especially for winter . oh , how much they would give to bee widowes ! since the death of that witch m●dusa , they doe nothing but invent snares , labyrinths , ambuscadoes , and i doubt not but in time will wage warre with us for supremacy of knowledge . all the good that is in them , is , that in our conversations they aske no toyes and new fangles ( as they doe of you ) for they know wee deale not in small wares . of what sort have you most , of beautifull or deformed ? wee have tenne times more of fowle , ( said hee ) for though the faire meet easily with gallants that satisfie their burning desires , yet it sometimes happens , that by continuance of sin they become sated and repent : but the fowle wanting this libidinous felicity , ( unlesse they can purchase it ) and maligning others , enter so lanke and dried up , that they affright us : for the most part of them are all old , and die grunting like sowes , mad that the young ones survive them . i became packehorse the other day to one of threescore and ten , that i tooke doing a certaine exercise against obstructions , whom when i had unloden , shee beganne to complaine of the toothach , to infuse conjecture there were some yet left , that shee might appeare lesse odious . all my demands are untwisted , but this ; i pray you tell mee if there bee any poore in hell ? what doe you meane by poore said the devill ? i call him poore that possesseth nothing . how understandest thou that , said he ? how ? wouldst thou have him condemned that holds nothing of the world , when none are damned but such as covet and enjoy it ? those men that thou speakest of , are not enrolled in our bookes . and wonder not at it , for all things are wanting to them , yea the divels themselves . you are rather divels one towards another , than divels are divels to you . for can there bee a more notorious divell than a flatterer ? an envious man ? a false friend ? a bad companion ? an unmercifull creditour ? or a sonne , brother , or kinsman , that wishes you dead to get your wealth ? that seemes to weepe and bemoane you when you are sicke , and yet cares not if the divell had you ? all this is wanting to the poore man , hee is not flatterd , envied , hath no friend , no companion , nor no credit , neither are his children , brethren , or alliance de irous of his dissolution , for any obscure ends , but hee is one that lives well , and dies better . and there are some so contented with this manner of life , that they will not change their condition with kings ; because they have liberty to goe every where , whither they will , in peace and warre , free from all charges , impositions , and publike services , exempt from all judgements , civill censures , processe of law , and jurisdiction , and in their consciences are wholly uncorrupted . moreover , they take no care for the morrow , observing in that the commandement of god . they husband their time well , and can justly value the dayes of their pilgrimage , in setting before their eyes that death holds in his power all that is past , governes all that is present , and pretends a right to all that is to come . but there is a proverbe , that when the devill preaches , the world drawes to an end . wee may truly say that gods hand is in this , said the religious conjurer . thou art the father of lyes , yet declarest truths , able to mollifie an heart of stone . you men , said the devill , doe not imagine that this that i have spoken is for your salvation , deceive not your selves , 't is that your paines may be encreased , when the time com● that you shal suffer : and that you may not pretend ignorance , and excuse , saying , no body hath told us . you are all hypocrites . the greatest part of teares you shed , proceed onely out of griefe to forsake the world , and not out of any repentance for your sinnes . and though sin be sometimes displeasing to you , because of your declining into yeares , or of your corporall indispositions , yet your will hath much a doe to bee overcome , because it is wicked . thou art an impostour , said the reverend man . there are at this day many holy soules , whose teares have issue from another fountaine ; but i see thou seekest to delude us , and it may be it is not the will of god , that thou shouldest bee expelled this miserable body ; neverthelesse i conjure thee by his almighty power , not to torment him any more , but to depart . the spirit obeyed , and the devout man addressing his speech to us , gentlemen ( said he ) although it was the devill that spoke by the organs of this unhappy man , yet there is some pro it in this discourse to be made by him , that will meditate upon it . therefore i pray you not to regard from whence these things proceed , but to remember that wee often receive health from the hands of our enemies , and from tho● that most hate us . with draw your selves in the name of god , to whom i will pray , that this sad and prodigious spectacle may serve to amend your lives , and convert you unto him . and heere my slumber left me . visions . the second vision : or , death and her dominion . saad thoughts are naturall to abject men , and gather together in multitudes to assault one unhappy . certaine enemies they are , uncertaine friends , not much to be blamed , since they doe not derogate from the straine of the world , fickle , and unstable ; now rising , now declining , and set , before they attaine the meridian . cogitations of this mold made me lament mine owne depression , and turne over the leaves of some few bookes , that by no rhetoricke could maintaine any more than one way to bee borne , but without study could finde a thousand wayes to die . heere i found the ambition of the proud , and the covetousnesse of the rich , satisfied with so little , that i began to hate all indirect dealings , and minde the advice was given mee . mortall ( said one ) why dost thou afflict thy selfe , and labour for uncertaine riches ? is not death the end of all things ? which many times comes upon thee before they are obtained , or at best well disposed : embrace that , by dying well , and thou canst not wish for those blessings shall bee denied . wherefore dost thou so much feare death , ( said another ) ? what now remaines of the pleasures of thy passed life , and of thy first yeares , which were so sweet and delightfull ? seest thou not that all is vanished , and lost in times swiftnesse ? prepare thy selfe therefore , and take heart , put on alacrity of spirit , and settle thy soule in peace and tranquillity . remember ( saith the scripture ) man that is borne of a woman is of short dayes , and full of trouble , hee commeth forth like a flower , and is cut downe , he fleeth also as a shadow , and continueth not . dizzied with these contemplations , i fell asleepe over my instructours and doe verily beleeve , it was rather caused by some supernaturall predominancy , than naturall disposition ; because my faculties , were free and at liberty from outward molestations , and busied in beholding this following comedy , to which my fancy serv'd as a stage for unusuall actours . i saw divers physitians enter , riding on large foot-clothes , ominous in this , that they resembled hearses for the dead . their traine was broken and disordered , for some went a foot-pace , and others on the spurre . their faces were contracted , got more by custome than age , in often frowning on their patients urine , which prognosticated to the sicke , more terrour than redresse . and these were followed by young practitients , who by their frequent conversation with the horses , more than with the doctours became easily graduated . apothecaries came next , armed with morters , pestles , and doses , whose out-side bore the ascribed cures , and inside poysons . their shops were the physicians storehouse , and the afflicteds purgatory . their recipes began with receive , but included to take , an ounce for themselves , and a scruple for the dying man . and all their compositions were disguised with such strange nominations , as if they had beene sorcery : cursed inquisitours against life , done in policy , that their mistake of one thing for another , might not bee discerned . chirurgions with some unwillingnesse followed , because they conceited precedency ; the etymology of their name signifying , a physitian that worketh by hand . their pockets were filled with pincers , cauters , files , sawes , knives ▪ and lancets ; and their cries of , cut , teare , dismember , burne , infused such feare , that my bones were consulting how they might serve as sheathes to hide one another . then mountebankes ( whose papers speake better than they ) who with more impudence and lesse skill , would cure all diseases with one antidote , upon which there was no great disspute . nor of the barbers surgery , ( who came next ) because it either killes or heales . these were more finicall than their forerunners , yet at proudest are but shavers of excrements . their greatest artillery were cizzers , razers , and basons , and some sharpe lotions , the which were allayed , by the delicious musicke of their fiddles and citternes . seeing them followed by men wearing chaines crosse their breasts , and admiring what state they usherd ; i easily lost that conjecture , when i beheld the linkes to be teeth , and the bearers tooth-drawers ; mouth-devasters , and drawers on of old age : not shaming to wish all mens teeth upon their thread , rather than in the place of their birth . after these came men of divers habits , not unfitly entred , because all great talkers . some were called swimmers , by reason that in speaking they spread their armes to and fro , as if they were swimming . others imitatours , in that they counterfeited the lookes and gestures of those they spoke of . and others sowers of dissention , because they moved their eyes this way and that way ( not stirring the head ) to marke by stealth the actions of those they meant to betray . and last of all dissemblers , a presumptuous generation , the worlds true plague ; who thrust into all assemblies , and either by craft , flattery , or base submission , having got the secrets of men , convert them to the relaters prejudice , and their owne mercenary profit . these were called the extract of all the importunate , and because the poyson of serpents lies in the taile , came in the reere as most poysonous . upon this , i beganne to consider , to what use , this great troope and confusion might tend : when behold a certaine apparition drew neare , that seemed to bee of the feminine kinde , of light gate and loose proportion . shee was laden with crownes , garlands , scepters , sikles , sheephookes , buskins , wooden shooes , tires , miters , bonnets , embroidery , silke , skinnes , wooll ▪ gold , lead , diamonds , shels , pearle , and flint . one of her eyes was shut , and the other open . she was cloathed in all colours , on one side appearing young , and on the other old . now going apace , and anon slowly , at one time seeming afarre off , and by and by at hand and at all times so inconstant , that i could not have leasure to fancy who shee might bee . yet was i not frighted , but rather incited to laughter , remembring an italian comedy i had lately seene , in which halequin faining to come from the other world , had a baggage not much dissonant ; and therefore , after i had stood a great while musing , i stept to her , and demanded who shee was ? i am death , said shee . death ! ( replied i , my heart failing mee ) and whither goe you mistresse death ? i come to fetch thee ( said she ) . alas ! must i then die ? no , but thou must goe alive with mee , and make a journey into the kingdome of the dead ; for since many departed have rose to see the living , it is no injustice that one living should descend to visit them , and that the dead bee heard . hast thou not heard that i have power to execute my soveraigne decrees ? disrobe and follow mee . ha , sighed i , in a cold sweat , will you not let me weare my cloathes ? there is no need , ( said she ) apparel will but hinder you , besides i ease all men of their luggage , that they may walke with more agility . there was no contending , therefore i went after her ; but to tell you through what by-wayes shee led mee is impossible , for i was transported beyond apprehension . as wee were going , i doe not , ( said i ) for all this , see by any outward appearance that you are death , because she is painted without flesh , consisting of nothing but dry bones . those image-makers are fooles , answered shee , and want invention ; for bones are not death , but the remainder of the living . you mortals know her not , or else shee would appeare in the visages of every one of you , and in every severall member lie depicted . to die , is to finish life , and to bee borne , is to beginne to die ; and the truest image of death is a mans owne selfe , and not a breathlesse trunke or bare anatomy . but i pray you , why doe you place detractours , and tell-tales , in the van next to your owne person ? because ( said shee ) there are more that die by the importunity of great speakers , than by diseases , and more that are hastened to ruine by the conversation of flatterers and intermedlers , than by physicians practice : though in the generall these are my greatest friends , and best servants , and to this purpose thou must understand , that most in the world grow sicke through excesse and superfluity of humours ; but die , by the meanes and diligence of him that administers . so that when you are asked of what disease such an one is dead , you must not answer , of a feaver , plurisie , purple , or pestilence , but he is dead by the hand of such a physitian that hath beene well paid , for it is requisite that every trade should live . as we grew thus familiar , wee entred into a vault , where the dayes reflexe was betwixt light and obscurity . in the entry whereof , upon one side i saw three statues armed and stirring , of humane shape , yet hard to bee distinguished , and on the other an hideous monster , that continually fought with them , one against three , and three to one . knowest thou , said death , what these are ? oh no! said i , and i trust in god i never shall . and yet so it is , said shee , that since thy nativity thou hast never kept other company . these are the three capitall enemies to the soule , the world , the flesh , and the divell : looke if they doe not resemble one another so neare , that they are scarcely discerned asunder ; so that if thou entertaine but one of them , thou maist bee assured thou hast them all three . an aspiring man , thinkes he hath all the world , and hath got the divell ; a lascivious man beleeves hee hath the flesh , but findes it the divell ; and so doe the rest . but what is shee ( said i ) with so many severall faces , that fights against them ? answer was made , the divell money ; who hath bred a controversie , upholding , that the rest have nothing to doe where she is , and that shee alone is all the three . first , shee grounds her dispute with the world , upon those proverbes men ordinarily use , that there is no other world but money , that hee that hath no money had better be out of the world , that we banish him the world from whom wee take money , and that all things give place to money . against the second enemy , she saith , money is the flesh , witnesse whores and curtezans . and against the third , she makes use of your speeches also , that nothing can be done without that divell money , that love doth much , but money doth all , and that , that which money cannot doe the devill cannot effect . whatsoever the claime is , said i , the devill money needs no coadjutours , seeing she defends her cause so well . wee went forward to a place where on one hand i perceived hell , and on the other judgement , and did heedfully consider hell , because it was a thing very strange . what lookest thou on , said death ? on hell , said i , and methinkes by the aspect , i have seene it elsewhere . where , ( said she ) ? i have seene it in the emulation of great ones , in the consciences of them that withhold ●nother mans goods , in wicked undertakings , in revenges , in the desires of the luxurious , and in the pride of corporations . but as for justice , i am glad to see it in its purity , and had rather have death with judgement , than life without it . at last wee descended into a spacious cave , circled in on all sides with very high rampiers , and filled with much people : and here death bad mee stay , for this was the place of her tribunall . the hangings that adorned the walles were words of woe , alas , griefe , sighes , ill tidings , and lamentations , as certainely , beleeved , as unregarded . here womens teares were deceitfull to themselves , and unprevalent with others . there sorrow was excluded from comfort , and cares were only vigilant , being converted into vermin to gnaw kings and princes , whose usurped honours made them to suspect all men . he ere envy had put on a mourning habit , and kept a continued fast , it being not in her power to hurt . and there ingratitude was kneading a kinde of dough , mixt of pride and ambition , of which now shee framed men , now devils . all quivered with curses and imprecations , of which demanding the reason ? one that was by answered , o destiny ! would you not have curses heere , where there are so many match-makers , lawyers , and imprecatours ? doe you not know that there is nothing more frequently spoken of in your region , than cursed be hee that married us , cursed the houre i first beheld thee , and ill h●p betide him that first brought us together . cursed bee the lawyer who counselled mee to follow this cause that hath undone mee . and in other matters , curst that i am , i would i might never come into heaven , if i said this or that ; and the devill take mee , if ever hee spake to mee of any such thing . but what is all this to the purpose , said i ? and what have these to doe with deaths judgement hall ? ignorant man ! said the other , if there were not so many contrivers of weddings , would there bee so many dead and desperate men ? is there any thing destroyes so quickly , as the cavils and circumventions of entangling lawyers ? and doth there any d● sooner , than hee that precipitates himselfe ? no certainly , therefore thou must conclude that these are the principall pillars of this dominion , and of the imperiall throne thou seest there . at this , i lift up mine eyes , and saw death sit in a chaire , environed with many little deaths , as the death of love , the death of hunger , the death of feare , and the death of laughter , each bearing a severall ensigne and device the death of love had very little braines , and for attendants had pyramus and thisbe , hero and leander , with divers other lovers , ready to expire under her sickle , but by the rare miracles of the interessed rose againe . about the death of hunger were many usurers , who having accumulated great wealth , deprive themselves of necessary meanes ; letting their bodies famish and their soules die , which they had long before converted into gold and silver . the death of feare was richest , and most stately , hemm'd in with tyrants and mighty men ; such as flie from all , thought none pursueth , and afford the world no good , but this , that by their sudden selfe destruction through feare , suspition , and distrust , they revenge themselves the innocent , whom they had before condemned and slaine . the death of laughter was the last , rounded with people of quicke apprehension , but late repentance , that live , as if there were no justice to feare , and die , as if there were no mercy to bee hoped . and these are they , that when it is said , restore what you have taken , answer , you make me die of laughter . consider that you are old , that sinne findes not any thing more to consume in you ; forsake this woman that you unlawfully embrace . regard how the devill mockes you , who are now no more unto him but an improfitable booty . you make mee die of laughter . aske god forgivenesse , and turne unto him , for you have already one foot in the grave . you make mee die of laughter , i was never more jocond , never more lusty . and these are they that being sicke , when they are exhorted to rely upon god , and order their estate by a religious will , answer , that they have beene many times in the same case : but finde themselves in the other world , before they can be perswaded they are going thither . heere i could not containe my selfe , from this use , lord ! thou hast given but one life and are there so many deaths ? grant , i beseech thee , that if i returne againe , i may change my condition , and beginne to live well , that i may die lamented . i had scarce uttered these words , but i heard the voyce crying , the dead , the dead , the dead ; and instantly saw the earth beginne to open , and the bodies of men and women , halfe buried in their winding-sheets , to arise ; who ranked themselves in order , observing a silent taciturnity . take each his turne , said death , when behold one of them came near me with such fury , that i began to feare the bastinado . hellish worldlings , said he , what would you with mee ? why let you mee not alone , dead , and at rest ? what have i done unto you ? i that without offending in part , am defamed in all , and made guilty of those things i am altogether ignorant of ? and what are you , said i , whom i neither know nor understand ? i am , said he , the unhappy abraham ninny , that have bin here many years , and yet you doe nothing but mocke and deride mee . when any folly or extravagancy is committed , oh! 't is an abraham , say you presently , did you ever heare the like ? what a ninny-hammer hee is growne ? why , a very foole would not have done it ? but know , that in acting and speaking follies , you your selves are all abrahams , worse than you suppose mee to have beene . and for proofe , tell me , have i made any ridiculous wils as you men , by which you command others to doe those things , which you would never doe your selves ? have i rebelled against the potent , or hoped to renew my youth ? have i strived to reforme nature , and contested with her in colouring and poudering my haire ? have i sworne untruths ? am i faithlesse in those things which i have promised , as you are dayly ? have i beene a slave to my money ? or played away my estate ? have i consumed it in banquets ? or given it to curtezans ? did i suffer my selfe to bee masterd by my wife ? or beleeve that i might rely on that man , who at my perswasion betraied his friend that trusted in him ? did i marry my selfe to bee reveng'd of an inconstant mistresse ? or credit that there might bee built any sure foundation on the slippery wheele of fortune ? have i esteemed them happy that consume their dayes in princes courts , for the vanity of a momentary looke ? or taken delight in hereticall controversies , to bee accounted witty ? have i boasted unto people that are below mee ? or beleeved in witches and framers of nativities ? if abraham have done no such foppery , of what folly can you accuse him ? poore ninny ! rash and insolent that you are , wherefore doe you impute your disorders unto mee , that never learnt any thing but patience ; and was of so innocent and naturall a life , that it added an impossibility to wrong any man . as wee were thus discoursing , another that walked very gravely , came to mee , and with a commanding eye , said , looke this way . what is your ladiship , said i , you that speake so imperiously , and presume to bee respected , in a place where all are equall ? i am ( said she ) queene richard , whom if thou knowest not , yet thou hast often heard of ; for you that live are so devillish , that the dead cannot bee excepted from your malice . if you see an old wall , an old hat , a thread-bare cloake , ragged coate , or a woman that hath a treasury of years upon her , you say instantly , that they are as old as queene richard . but you are mad , my time was better than yours : and to justifie what i say , heare but your selves talke . now if a mother thinkes to instruct her daughter in modesty , and say , daughter , it is fitting that a virgin that will conserve her honour , should alwayes keepe herselfe within the bounds of shamefastnesse , and looke downeward : her daughter will arrogantly answer , mother , that was a custome in queene richards time . 't is for men to looke upon the earth , as upon the matter from which they were formed ; and for women to looke upon men , as being extracted from them . if a father say to his sonne , sonne , feare god , keepe his commandements , pray unto him when you rise , and when you goe to bed ; eate not without blessing , and rise not without giving thankes ▪ play not , sweare not : hee will alleage the same author , father , that was the fashion in queene richards dayes . so that , hee is derided that rules himselfe according to holy instructions , and men are sooner knowne by their oathes than beards . but leaving this , that you may understand the dead are not all so lockt up in eternall quiet , but that their desires have freedome of enquiry , is there any newes stirring ? how stands the state of europe ? the spanish fleets goe well enough , said i ▪ but of late yeares the hollanders beginne to take rude tribute from them . and the genoes have by way of bancke encroached so farre on his principalities , that ( like leeches ) they not onely stop the veines , but draw the mines dry . sonne , said shee , as long as the king of spaine shall have the hollanders for enemies , the way to the indies will never be free . and as for the genoes , they are likely to become a stately senate , ( like their city ) if the canker enter not their magazin of store , and immoderate lust , convert all in bordello . but , how goes the credit of the world ? there is much to bee said thereupon , said i , you have touched a string that makes a noise indeed : every man hath his credit in himselfe , every one is esteemed , and every one doth all things in point of honour . there is credit in all estates , yet shee shifts places every day , and is by this time seven stages under ground . those that steale , say it is to maintaine their credit , and that they had rather rob than begge . those that begge , say it is to keepe their credit , and that they had rather begge than steale . those that beare false witnesse and those that murder say the same thing . and all men call credit that which tends most to their profit , and ( presuming on their owne worth and estimation ) undervalew and defame the rest . all is now perverted . lying is counted vertue , wiles and fetches are the chiefest qualities of a cavalier , and insolency and impudency are the badges of gentility . heretofore the ilanders were men of credit , and kept themselves in a moderation of all things ; but now there are ill tongues abroad , that say , savages may instruct them , and that their abstinence is more for covetousnesse than sobriety . counsellours and lawyers , how doe they thrive ? as nests of ants , that from one breed a million . justice that in ancient dayes went naked , as representing sincerity , is now so swadled with paper , as if she were a nest of spices . and whereas heretofore we had but one booke of lawes , there are now a thousand , the cause of so many squablings & divisions , being every ones private exposition . if you goe to some lawyers , let your cause bee what it will , they will assure you good proceeding , and tell you , 't is a faire quaere , and wants nothing but study , but that at that instant they are something busie , about a case betweene iohn ash and iohn okes , so that they cannot minde it . yet if you will call some other time , they will revise it better . and after you have well paid them , ( for money is the spirit of the worke , and the true light of their understanding ) you shall reap nothing but protraction , and may without difficulty instruct your selfe the event . happy are we ( said the queene ) that are free from such disturbances ! but i beleeve there are many good and honest men amongst them , that may bee antipodes to those thou describest . doth venice stand yet ? how ? stand ? yes ( said i ) it stands with a vengeance : for that is a common-wealth that maintaines it selfe , beyond all conscience . but if they should restore what they unjustly detaine from others , none need to suspect their povertie . i must needs say it is a pleasant state , a citie founded in the water , a treasurie and freedome in the aire , and a dukedome whom many dread . but 't is withall , the channell and sinke of monarchies , by which they purge the filth of peace and warre . the turke suffers them to molest christians , and christians permit them to injure the turke , and they tolerate one another , to mischiefe both the one and the other ; so that by others dissention , they maintaine their owne vastnesse , which will swell them up , till their great ambition burst them . but methinkes thou speakest not of england , ( said the interrogatresse ) canst thou bee unmindfull of thine owne soyle ? t is not for want of duty , replied i , but because it is too full of splendour for me to comment on without admiration . pietie in the prince , justice in the magistrate , religion in the minister , and obedience in the subject , having so absolute glory , that not onely her bordering nations congratulate her peace , but all the world stands gazing at her opulency , who is the sparkling diamond in the universall ring . i am glad ( answered queene richard ) that goodnesse and fidelity have so strong a tower , and hope justice will hereafter restraine those calumnies , are undeservedly throwne upon mee . this said , shee withdrew . the next that appeared was a gray-haird man , with a large beard hanging downe to his girdle ; whom i tooke to bee one of those wilde ones , that wee see in the kingdome of painting . and hee seeing mee stare , said , my art tels mee that you are desirous of my knowledge , it is erra-pater that speakes to you , is it possible ( said i ) that that gallimaufry of prophesies , which runne up and downe under your name , should be your worke ? bold-face ! ( answered hee ) darest thou so rashly offend the secrets of the gods , and the fates interpreter ? inhumane worldlings ! who despise that learning that is above your reach : finde you any gallimaufries in my predictions ? can you bee so brutish , that you cannot understand the sense of these words ? on things to come revolving oft ; i finde that earth , nor water soft , shall ought produce , or fructifie ; but what shall please divinity . animals ! benumm'd and hardened in vice . if this prophesie should bee fulfilled , could there be a greater good desired ? if that which pleases god , and that , that hee would have , were done ; justice would rule the world , innocency and sanctity would dwell with us , and wee should no more obey the devill , nor love those things which most please him ; as vaine delights , oppression , and money in its excellencie , but a vagabond of the nature of women that love to bee gadding . but to my presages . if parties be arightly sped , the married shall be married . i could not abstaine from laughter , which hee seeing , mastive ( said he ) that barkest at all , i find that thou hast not teeth hard enough , to breake the bone , & find out the marrow of this prophesie : therefore listen , or i shall make you , since you were brought hither to that end . thinke you that all that are wedded are married ? you deceive your selves by the just halfe ; know there bee many married that live as in single life , and many of a single life that live as if they were married . and there bee many men that marry and die batchelours from their wives , and many women that die virgins from their husbands : because it is the fashion of the time . i doe protest ( said i ) that wee have done ill to wrong those enthusiasmes of spirit , by our mis-interpretation , but you must pardon it , because wee wanted you to unriddle them ; they being truer than wee tooke them for , and of more efficacy expounded by your mouth . command therefore ( said hee ) that henceforth a more reverend esteeme bee made of my oraculous writings ; whereof i will unfold one more : many women shall become mothers ; and the children that they doe beare shall be the children of their fathers . can you except against this ? i tell you there are many married men , that if they either would or could make an exact search , would finde those children to bee none of theirs , that call them father . a womans belly is very subject to caution ; and children being got in obscurity , it is very hard to finde out the labourers : we must beleeve the deposition of the wife , and many times the supposition . how many people doe you thinke there will bee at the latter day , who hold now great rankes in the world , that will bee constrained to acknowledge for their fathers , pages of their housholds , followers , physicians , gentlemen ushers , and may bee coachmen that have beene well lasht fort ? how many fathers will then finde themselves without posterity , and true successours beyond credulity . you shall see all this when you come thither , for in that place truth will appeare more cleare than the sunne . having spoken , erra pater left me , with an answer hanging on my tongue , and vanished . when looking backe , i perceived a leane , pale , lanke , melancholy body , apparelled all in white . take pitie upon mee , ( said hee ) and if thou art a christian , bee charitable ; deliver mee from the injuries of impudent and ignorant men , who ever molest mee , and put mee where they please themselves . here he cast himselfe at my feet , and tearing his haire , wept like a childe . unhappy creature , said i , what art thou ? i am one , ancient and respected , ( said hee ) whose name and fame the world abuses , by many false allegations . my name is alter , or another . you must needs have heard of me , for there is nothing that another speakes not . those that cannot allege a reason themselves , say alwayes , as saith another , & yet i never speak nor open my lips . the latins call me quidam , and make use of mee to fill up the lines and periods in bookes . i intreat you therefore to doe mee the favour when you goe backe , to relate that you have seene alter , cloathed in white , who writes nothing , sayes nothing , nor hath ever done any thing ; and that all that cite and quote mee lie : to the end that henceforth by your mediation , i may no more bee the ideots authour , and the fooles proofe . in brawles and quarrels they call me some body , in difficulties , i know not well who , in the seats of orators a certain authour , and in citizens houses no body , and all to disguise the name of poore alter , and accuse him of their impertinencies , who is your suppliant for redresse . this i promised , and he departed , and gave place to another . a man ( hee was ) of aspect good enough , if hee had not had a paire of hornes upon his head , and made signes as if hee would have beate mee ; at which being nothing daunted , who brought hither ( said i ) this signior cornuto ? which words were hardly uttered , but behold us both together by the eares , till the dead parted us . i doe not disallow of the quality , said he , because there are greater men than my selfe that weare the horne , but yet methinkes the world might speake something of them , and not all of me . what have i done , that many others have not done a thousand times more ? the horne , hath it found its end in mee ? or have i rebelled against my superiours with it ? have i enhaunc'd the price of lanthornes , inkehornes , or posthornes ? and is there not enough to make knifehandles , and shooing-hornes ? wherefore then doe your scoundrell poets afflict mee ? and of what doe you condemne mee , when there was never beast of my condition more peaceable ? they shall not leave thee yet , said i , but torment thee more , such a scope of matter i will deliver when i returne . but i will hinder thee , said hee , and thereupon wee fell againe to buffets . in this agitation of spirit i awaked , and found my selfe in a trembling sweat , as weary as if the combat had been reall . then calling to minde all that i had seene , i converted it to my particular benefit ; judging , that there is no jesting among the dead , and that those people , that are out of all partiality and abuse of the world , are more fit to give wholesome counsell than ridiculous advice . visions . the third vision : or , the last iudgement . many are the opinions of men concerning dreames , and many doe conclude a faith to be given them , in these dayes ; which i will neither contradict , nor approve ; yet i count it not unlawfull to regulate a transitory life by them , especially if they bee of the nature of my last , which thus happened unto me . one evening , after i had long examined my selfe , by that glasse of salomon , ecclesiastes , sleepe laid his leaden mace upon mee at the end , and this verse , god will bring every worke into judgement , with every secret thing , whether it be good or evill . when , methought , i saw a most beautifull youth flie in the aire , and blow a trumpet ; the forcing of his breath much lessening the sweetnesse of his naturall complexion : yet did the sound thereof find obedience in marble , and in the dormitories of the dead : for instantly all the earth beganne to move , and give place to bones , which sought one another . those which had beene generals , captaines , lieutenants , and souldiers , came first out of their sepulchres , provoked with courage , as if the trumpe had beene a signall to warre . covetous men issued amazed , beleeving that it was for pillage . and they that had given themselves over to wantonnesse , conceived it a summons to some masque or enterlude . these things i knew by their severall gestures , but saw not one amongst them all , that thought it was to judgement . some soules drew neare with horrour and disdaine of their owne bodies , and others would not approach at all , seeing them so deformed . some wanted an arme , others a thigh , and others their heads , yet did they not long seeke them , giving mee therein a subject whereby to admire the power of god , in that being mixt together , none tooke the legges or armes of their neighbours . when all the congregated understood that it was the great day of iudgement , it was a notable thing to see , how that the luxurious would not finde their eyes , to the end that they might not beare witnesse against them . detractours would not acknowledge their tongues , for the same cause ; and theeves made use of their feet , to flie from their hands . here i heard a miser aske another ( who because hee was embalmed , staid for his entrals , which were coffin'd farre off from that place ) if all that were buried should rise againe , and if the bagges that hee had interr'd should rise with him ? and there i saw a troop of cutpurses , whofled from their eares ( which were offerd them ) fearing they should heare what they desired not . these things i might well behold , being mounted on a banke of earth ; but hearing a cry at my feet which bad mee descend , i obeyed , and many handsome women put forth their heads , calling me ill bred , and unmannerd , for not giving more respect unto them : ( for in hell also they have this folly to beleeve that men ought to respect them ) they appeared very jocond to see themselves of such exquisite frame , and were not ashamed of their nakednesse . but when they knew it was the day of wrath , and their beauty beganne to accuse them within , they put themselves in the way of the valley , with a slow and lingring pace . one that had beene thrice wedded , went inventing excuses for all her husbands , to whom severally she had deeply sworne , never to remarry : and another said , that shee had forgot her night-cloathes , thinking that they would stay for her at some place of meeting . in this place physitians were thrust forward , by patients whom they had dispatched , by anticipation of time . and in that a judge stood washing his hands , from the innocent blood , that by bribery lay upon him . divers divels driving before them vintners and tailours , a lawyer peeping out of his tombe , asked whither they went ? and being told , to the righteous iudgement of god , to which they were all called ; he strove to sinke himselfe deeper into his grave , saying , there is so much way already made , if i must descend lower . a taverner sweating extreamly , a devill told him , that he did well to sweat out his water , for hee would burne the better : and this was one of those , that kept a taverne outwardly , but a stewes within . a bow-legged tailour went insulting , i have neither wine nor water to answer for , for i ever eate more than i drinke , but why doe they say i steale ? which another hearing told him , that hee did a great deale of wrong so to despise the trade . in their walke they met with highway robbers , whom the divels caught and put amongst them , saying , that they might well beare them company , because they were ( a la mode ) wild tailours . and after these went folly compassed on all sides with poets , musicians , and lovers and with all kindes of people besides , that were ignorant of that day , who in troopes came to the vale , where silence was imposed on all . the throne was decked by the hand of the almighty , and by the same miracle , god was adorned with himselfe , with mercy for the elect , and wrath for the reprobate . the sunne , moon , and starres were his footstoole ; the winde was husht , the waters calme , the earth still , and timorous , ready to bee entranc'd for the love shee bore her children ; and all things in generall very pensive and heavy . the just were busied in giving thankes to god , and praising his goodnesse , and the sinfull were inventing stratagems , to moderate their chastisements . angels witnessed both by their gate and phisnomy , the care they had to comfort and welcome the godly . and divels were ready to unfold their accusations ; and least that any should overslip them , they had set the tenne commandements to keepe the doore , which was of that straightnesse , that the leanest and most mortified bodies were faine to leave some part of their flesh behinde them , the entrance was so narrow . the examination beganne at adam , who was required to give account for an apple ; which iudas minding , and the astonishment hee was in , cried out , woe is me , what account shall i make , that have sold the lord of life , and the lambe of god ? then passed the first fathers , and after the new testament , the apostles , who were all seated neare the chaire of majesty . and it was a thing worthy of note to see , that there was no respect of persons , but that beggars and kings were mixt together , when they went nigh the divine presence . herod and pilate appeared , and perceiving the wrath of god ( though encompassed with glory ) pilate said , hee that will comply with the times , deserves no lesse ; and herod , i cannot goe into paradise , for there those innocents i slew will cry out against me , but why doe i chaffer ? hel is a common inne . a man of a fiery looke started up , and stretching out his arme , said , see there my attestation of mastership ! every one wondering , asked the porter who hee was ? but hee overhearing , answered , i am an approved master of defence , and these papers are certificates of my tried valour . letting them fall , a devill stooped to gather them up , but the fencer was more nimble than he , who leaped backward , and drawing his rapier , said , this steele cannot be● equalled , and if you either budge or speake , i will quickly shew that i am my arts master . all the company beganne to smile , and hee was commanded , seeing that hee had but instructed an art , which was one of the principall causes of so many duels and slaughters , that hee should goe into hell by a perpendicular line : but hee answering , that hee was no mathematician , a divell gave him a by-blow and cast him into the pit . then came treasurers and stewards , who demanding an advocate , a divell answered , behold iudas , a discarded and outcast apostle , let him speake , for hee hath exercised both professions ; which they hearing , went to the other side , and saw another devill , that had not hands enow to turne over the leaves , were written against them . leave all these informations , said the stoutest of them , and let us compound ; ha , ha , said hee , that read the inditement , doe you demand composition ? then 't is a signe your game is naught . this they understanding , and that no offers would be accepted , tooke the way of the fencer , because they had beene as good men of their hands as hee , and better . they being gone , loe an unfortunate pastry cooke , whose adverse party beganne to accuse him ; which hee seeing , and finding by proofe , that hee had put more kindes of meate into his pies and pasties , than there were beasts in noahs arke ( there being neither rats , mice , nor flies ) turned his backe , and leaving the word in the devils mouth , went to see if the place were hot . then came philosophers , who made syllogismes against their salvation . and poets , who would have perswaded the omnipotent , that hee was that iupiter whom they had so often nominated in their workes . virgil alleaged his sicelides musae , saying , that it was the figure of the nativity : and orpheus as the most ancient poet , stood up to speake for all ; but a divell accusing him , for having instructed the way of making love to mankinde , hee was commanded to enter once more into hell , to try if hee could get out againe ; and obeying served as a guide to his companions . a rich usurer knocked , and being asked what hee would have , was told that the ten commandements kept the doore , and that hee had never kept them . in that which concernes keeping , said hee , it is impossible , i have swerved ; the first commandement saith , thou shalt have none other gods but me ▪ and i think i have observed it , for i have kept gold ( the worldlings god ) so secret , that neither others nor my selfe might make it the object of their veneration . the second , thou shalt not make to thy selfe any graven image , and i have kept ingots and wedges these many yeares , that there might neither stampe nor image come upon them . the third , thou shalt not take the name of the lord thy god in vaine , and i have never sworne in vaine , but alwayes for some great interest . the fourth , remember that thou keepe holy the sabbath day , and i have all the weeke long provided hiding places for my treasure , that on that day it might not molest my rest . honour thy father and thy mother , i have alwayes greatly reverenced them , in that i have given them the preheminence , especially in all bad actions . thou shalt doe no murder , and i did never scarce eate , because that to feed is to kill hunger . thou shalt not commit adultery ▪ i never did it , for women in that way are not tractable without money ; but if you will let mee come in ( said he , who beganne to be weary with so many interrogatories ) let us not loose time , for hee was so great an enemy to losse , that hee would husband time it selfe ; but saying this , he was led where he deserved . divers theeves followed , some of them so active , that they saved themselves in leaping from the ladder . lawyers coveted the like good fortune , but they were set to goe through the eye of a needle . scriveners denied their name , saying , they were secretaries , but proctours stood to it , saying , they were the procurers of others good ; but there was no defence for either of them . one devill seeing a physician , an apothecary , a surgeon , and a barber comming , gave them thankes for most of the company , sen● thither by their meanes ; and commanded some of his vassals to usher them downe , that they might assay if they could cure the burning feaver . another perceiving one to peere out of an hole where hee had hid himselfe , asked what hee was ? who replied , an empericke . what! saltinbanke , mountebanke , and my friend , said the devill ! it were better for thee to bee upon some scaffold at some corner of a street , to passe away the time with idler persons ; but since thou art come , thou shalt not want preferment : goe thy wayes into that quarter , and see if thy balsame bee efficacious against scalding ; so he went on his friends word . the plea of taverne-keepers was , that they had quenched the thirst of many poore persons ; and of tailours , that they had cloathed many ; but this hindred their dispatch . then bankers demanded treaty , but their sentence was pronounced , and bils of exchange were given them , to bee paid out of pluto's coffers , where there is no bottome . and afterwards place was given to women , who approached with pleasing and smiling countenances , endeavouring by those meanes to prevaile : but as soone as they saw the horrid aspects of divels , they beganne to shrike out , and antedate their condemnation . bailiffes , sergeants , marshals , and many more were yet to bee judged , who being called , said they would willingly suffer , without any further triall . the last was an astrologer , crying out , that they were mistaken in the calculation of yeares , and that it yet could not bee the day of iudgement ; because the heaven of saturne , and the moving heaven had not finished their course : but the devill rebuking him , said , i wonder that among so many heavens which you have made in your life-time , you were never so provident as to erect one for your selfe ! for which default , you must now bee transported into hell , which was accordingly executed . upon this the iudgement ended , the throne was taken up , the shadowes fled to their place , the aire was filled with milde zephirs , the earth was enamelled with flowers , and the heavens were cleare and translucent ; and i was in my bed , more joyfull than sorrowfull , that i was not yet dead : therefore that i might make use of my dreame , i undertooke a constant resolve , to keepe a strict watch over my conscience ; that i may have a defensive armour , when there are no more delayes to hope for , and the soveraigne judge shall call me before himselfe . visions . the fourth vision : or , the foole amorous . vpon a winter-january morning , about fo● a clocke , when cold and sloth kept mee buried under my rugge , better at ease than on a biere , consulting with my pillow upon an amorous fancy that came in my minde . i found my selfe quite strayed from my former meditations , & beheld the spirit of fallacy , which presented to my imagination loves inconstancy ; verily thinking i heard this verse . ala● ! coridon , what folly possesses thee ? afterward not knowing which way i was led , i came into a meddow a thousand times more pleasant than those which are ordinarily mentioned in the inventions of poets ; where looking about , i espied two delightfull rivers , that in their labyrinthian meanders water'd it . the waters of the one were bitter , of the other sweet , yet they mingled together with so peaceable a purling murmur , that they charmed the eares of those that heard them , and qualified affections anxiety . these in their sportive motion directed mee to a goodly faire palace , of admirable structure , seated in the midst of the field . the portals were of dorian worke , richly inlaid , and on the pedestall , bases , pillars , cornishes , chapters , architraves , frizes , and other adjuncts , there were engraved all the trophies and triumphs of that great ( yet little ) god : which with many other devices added radiancy of lustre to the worke . over the chapter there was this inscription in letters of gold , cut upon blacke marble . blest and most happy is this place , in ever youthfull love ; who crownes the noble and the base , as their demerits move . the diversity of stones and colours delighted admirably the sight : the portall was spacious , and the doore perpetually open , to let those freely enter whom singularity brought ; and the place of porter was allotted to a woman , who seemed to be of the nymphall race ; her visage was celestiall , lineaments amiable , and body perfectly straight , shee was cloathed in cloath of gold and silver , glittering with pearles and stones of price , and was an enchantment to all that beheld her , leading captive their iron hearts in chaines of adma●●t : and though shee was in all things like her name beauty , yet did she not insult nor deny entrance to any , if they paid for their passage a good looke ; of whose favours i made use of and went into the first court , where i found abundance of all sexes , but so changed from their pristine grace that the very memory of it was forgotten ; instead whereof they had put on loves livery , dejected eyes , yellow resemblance , and mournfull representations . their talke reflected not upon the faith that is to bee kept with friends , loyalty to masters , nor respect to blood ; but their kindred were mediatours to their owne alliance . servants became mistresses , and mistresses servants . women contracted amity with their husbands acquaintance , and husbands grew intimate with their wives companions . on this medly of affections did i stare , when i perceived a creature not perfectly man , nor rightly woman , but partaking of both ; who went and came through the multitude , having on a loose garment , spotted over with eyes and ears ; which marking , and the authority she exercised , i demanded her condition , and what she did ? to which two questions shee thus answered mee . i am jealousie , the greatest cause of the increase of these sicke and mad persons , which thou seest ; neverthelesse i am not engaged to heale , but to chastise them . question not mee of any other particulars , for it is a miracle when i speake truth ; because i lessen from my selfe in the delivery , being nothing but sleights and devices : but goe to that aged man that walkes there , for hee is the overseer of the palace , and ( may bee ) will instruct you ( though slowly ) in all that you require . i did so , and found him to bee time , of whom i intreated a sight of the roomes and chambers , and that i might visit some fooles of my acquaintance , whom i conjectured were there . he told me hee was busie in curing the diseased , yet notwithstanding shewed mee all things , in giving mee liberty to walke about . passing the first court , i entred into the maidens chamber , ( for the women were separated ) and these were kept in the strongest hold , where the wals were thickest , because of their vehement and violent passions : here i tooke notice of one that lamented , being jealous of a married woman ; and of another that was carried with burning affection to a yongster , yet durst not declare it . how one writ letters full of ambiguities , where there were more lines dasht out than good words ; and another studied with her glasse how to smile and simper , and act the fictive humours , she meant to play her lover : that eate oatmeale , plaister , jeat , and small coale , to obtaine a pale colour : and this intreated her servant , that in the mornings hee would give her a serenade of musique at her chamber window , which implied , that hee should publish to all the neighbours that he was her enamor'd ; this held love letters which she let fly through windowes , and thrust under doores : and that protested to her friend her heart was his , desiring him not to require any thing more ; which he promis'd , and the foole beleeved . some would marry , to love with more liber●y : and others desired to be with men already married , and these were rank'd in the number of incurable . having considered all , i durst not stay any longer , knowing by experience that a man runnes great hazard among such allurers : and that hee that gettes clearest off , is often condemned to slavery in the bonds of marriage , which is an engagement to repentance all his life long , without other hope of redemption than by death : for there is no order to redeeme those that are captives in the chaines of wedlocke , as there is for them that are under the hands of the turke . i went therefore to the married women : and saw many of them whom their husbands kept tied and cloistered up , to hinder the execution of their designes , that broke both prison and chaines , and became m●dder than before . some fawned on and flattered their husbands , when they had most minde to abuse them : and some stole their money to pay their confederates , yet never tooke heed to the account till the estate was ended : others went to heare sermons , and on pilgrimages of devotion , but it was to get the grace and mercy of their holy brethren , by sacrificing to venus : and others went to baths , sooner to pollute than cleanse themselves . such an one recompenc'd her husbands sinnes in the same kinde , verifying the adage , that none take greater delight to be revenged , than a woman when she avenges her selfe on her husband with advantage . such another went to see a play , that she might be spoken with betweene the acts. and this last affected her coach so well , that shee was scarce ever out of it ; of which desiring a reason , 't is because ( said shee ) i love to bee shaken . among this honourable conventicle those were not seene , whose husbands were employed in warre , embassages , merchandise , or forraigne affaires ; because that they depending upon none other in that time , did containe themselves within the bounds of chastity , and as people exorcis'd , were not reputed members of this common-wealth . the next partition was of widowes , armed with experience and knowledge , who counterfeited modesty and piety , yet adhered to their desires . one with her right eye wept for her dead husband , and with her left laughed to her living friend ; another was more muffled and vailed with passion than mourning , receiving joyfully the present , and forgetting the absent . and others laid wagers , whose vailes and hukes became them best , endeavouring to convert that sad attire into allurement . those that were old , imitated the actions of youth : and those that were more young , made use of the time , that they might not repent in their age . there were some adored , and some adorers , who being devout , were loves penitents , and in that respect condemned to fast from meats they most longed after , for the carnall have also their lent. many outwardly laid on modest colours , though inwardly impudent enough : and many were very insolent , and having heretofore beene masters , would now make use of that imperious power ; so that the physitian had much adoe with them . all these infirmities proceed onely through idlenesse , for where that is , lust findes easie accesse . there were some women who accepted more letters of disburse , than a banquer of genoa or a german hoorder , upon credit of their insatiable desires . some would not be seene by him that was the visitour , but by the unexpected : and those that were most subtle , made use of their physicians . one spake to an astrologer , to cast a figure for her future life ; and another desired of a magitian secrets whereby she might bee beloved . and how many did i see , that would have seemed as ridiculous as esops crow , if their periwigs and frontlets of haire had been pluckt off ! but , at last i got from them , shaking my head , and went to the mens quarter , on the other side of the building . at my arrivall i observed , that the batchelours greatest folly was obstinacy , for every one knew his errours , hut would not amend . o , that i saw many gallants brave in apparrell , that had not so much as one penny ! many roarers that had heretofore boasted and bragg'd of ladies favours , that would have beene very glad , if i had invited them to dinner ! and how many were there that had no bread , and yet felt the temptations of the flesh ? some counterfeited the amiable , wearing perfumes and long lockes not remembring that women take alwayes the superiority of beauty upon themselves ; and others , by their vaunts of warre would passe for duellists , yet forgot that women are ever fearefull , and quake at the sight of a weapon ; others at midnight walked the round about their mistresses lodgings ; and others became amorous through infection , conversing with them that were so . this man on sundayes went from church to church , to feed his eye with variety , and that went from house to house to exercise his wit . some complained of more than they suffered , and others endured without opening their mouthes . those whose vanity despised things beneath them , pretended to subjects so high , that they lost their desire ; and those that were distrustfull of their owne worth ( though otherwise people of judgement and understanding ) applied themselves onely to meane objects . husbands were enchained , yet not lesse mad ; for some forsooke their wives , and followed their neighbours ; and others tooke for friends their wives friends , and for gossips the mothers of their children . widowers practis'd in torments past , searched rest where it was to be found , loving as short a while , and as long as they pleased ; here being amorous , there jealous ; and that which i found admirable in them all , was that they confessed themselves fooles , yet left not to be so . men that were most discreet , related their good fortune to those that published their disgraces ; whilest shallow dolts were commended for secrecy . some flattered the chamber-maid , to get accesse to the mistresse , and others suborn'd the mistresse to overcome her . these had their pockets stuft with amorous lines , sealed with silke , and endorsed with gold ; and had likewise bracelets , hat bands , knots , and favours , whereof they made survey : and these were the husbands friends , and voluntarily employed themselves to ease his cares , lending him horses , coach , and money ; whilest they hurried his wife abroad to gardens , playes , and banquets . there were divers woers of widowes , some that were beloved , and some not ; some that let themselves easily bee taken , and some that caught others . and there were many , that made their conquests with love and money , and these carried often the victory , because they fought with double armes ; yet sometimes they got the foile , and had not whereby to resist poverty . having at leasure surveyed all , i went backe into the first court ; where ▪ time thrust amongst the company that encreased dayly , and by his industry recovered some . jealousie punished those , who were most confident in the subject they lov'd . memory rubbed over old sores , vnderstanding was hid in a darke hole , and reason had her eyes pluckt out . and having contemplated the diversity of dissimulation , i saw a litle wicket open , where ingratitude and infidelity gave liberty of escape to some few : therefore to enjoy the present occasion , i doubled my pace , to get out with the first . when my boy came and drew the curtaine , telling mee that it was broad day ; hereupon i awaked , somewhat dulled at my long stay , yet comforted in this , that i have found it by others , and mine owne experience , that love is nothing but meere and naturall folly . visions . the fifth vision : or , the world in its interior . desire the pilgrim of the minde , that hates rest , and delights in nothing but motion , agitated my spirit from one passion to another ; till it made mee admire , how so much good , such abundance of evill , should proceed out of one heart ! and gave way to mine eyes to shut up my senses , and open my fancy to apprehend the consequent . as in a glasse , so the world appeared unto mee , populated onely with one city of exceeding vastnesse ; in which as i wandered , i marked the uniformity of the building , and the neatnesse of the streets ; but exposed my selfe withall to the derision of the inhabiters , and as if it had been a maze , could not finde the way out . now i got into the lane of choler , and followed quarrels through scarres and blood ; and anon into the street of gluttony , gourmandizing and drinking ; and not long after into the market-place , where all vices were compact . in this distraction i was called unto by an old man , of meane and tatterd attire , but of awfull port , and judicious respect . what are you , good man , said i ? doe you envy my content ? let mee alone ; you old men are alwayes troubling the mirth of young people , yet would not willingly leave pleasures your selves . you are going out of the world , and i am but newly come into it , give me ( therefore ) leave to rejoyce and bee merry ; the venerable man ( dissembling his griefe ) beganne to smile ; sonne , said hee , 't is not to hinder nor maligne thy desires , but through pity that i strive to with hold thee . knowest thou what the value of an houre is ? or the price of a day ? and hast thou examined the worth of time ? i beleeve not , seeing thou employest it so ill ; that fugitive houres steale away , and robbe thee of so precious a jewell . what have the dayes that are already past said unto thee ? have they promis'd thee to come againe , when thou hast need of them ? no certainly . alas ! they goe and returne no more ! and passing , looke backewards with smiles and jeeres on those that let them slip sounprofitably . therefore make use of time while thou hast it , least when thou wishest most for it , time will be no more . i must acknowledge , grave father , said i , that your advice is excellent : but , what are you ? and what doe you here ? if my torne garments , and poverty ( answered he ) tell you not that i am an honest man , i must speake my selfe , a lover of truth ; my name is the worlds disabuser ; these rents come from such as make shew to helpe me , and these blowes and bruises are presents from many , to whom i have given no greater offence than a visit . what madnesse ! the greatest part of the world say , that they desire and love mee , yet when i discover the abuse of it , some despaire , others curse , and all despise mee . now childe , if thou wilt see the world , come with me , i will carry thee into the chiefe street , where all things are beheld in open view , and shew thee how it is in its interior parts ; for thou seest nothing here , but the shell and appearance . what is that principall streets name ( said i ) whither you will carry me ? it is called ( said hee ) hypocrisie , 't is the street where the world both beginnes and ends , and very great , for there is not any one whatsoever , but hath either an house , or chamber at least in it . some being constant dwellers , and others termers , there being divers kindes of hypocrites . see you that fellow that stands there , he was a ploughmans sonne , now a gentleman . would you take that man for a tailour ? yet hee is one , though cloathed like a knight : and hypocrisie is so generall an infirmity that it is found amongst all trades . the cobler will be a translator , the cooper cals himselfe bacchus tailour , because hee makes cloathing for wine , and the horse-coursers stile is , squire of the field ; the alehouse is called an academy ; the hangman a member of justice ; a mountebancke an able man ; the dicernimble ; a taverne , a banke ; the vintner , a banker , or master of accounts ; stewes , houses of commerce ; whores , curtezans , bawdes , devout women ; cuckolds , patient men ; lust , friendship ; usury , oeconomy ; deceit , gallantery ; lying , dexterity ; and malice , gentlenesse of spirit ; cowardise , peace ; rashnesse , valour ; a page , a childe of honour ; a lacky , a gentleman on foot ; a pickethanke , a courtier ; blacke , browne ; and an asse is calld a doctour . but there is nothing here that appeares in its owne forme , or that hath the proper name ; but all the world is full of lyes , in what part soever you examine it . and if you note it well , you shall see that wrath , gluttony , pride , covetousnesse , luxury , sloath , murder , and a thousand others sinnes , proceed onely out of simulation : and that of all sinners , there is none so presumptuous as the hypocrite ; in as much as other bad livers sinne onely against god , but hee sinnes against god , and with god also , since hee makes him an instrument of his sinne ; and for this cause our saviour , willing to shew how amongst all others they were hatefull to him , after hee had given many affirmative precepts to his disciples , he gave them one negative , saying , bee not sad like hypocrites : and as he taught them by many parables , and comparisons , what they should bee , now lights , now salt , sometimes like guests , sometimes as the talent ; so also he instructs them what they should not bee , bee not like unto hypocrites ; to certifie unto them , that not being hypocrites , they should not bee wicked , for the hypocrite is wicked in all things . upon this discourse wee came into the great street , where wee tooke an eminent place , to register all that passed . the first remarkable thing was a funerall convoy , composed of a large retinue of kindred and friends , that followed the grief and heavines of a widower in close mourning , whose head hung downe , and gate was of that slownesse , as if he had not had strength sufficient to carry him to church without a supporter : which compassionating , o happy woman ! ( said i ) that hast found a husband , whose love and faithfulnesse , went hand in hand with thee in thy life time , and now followes thee to thy grave ! and happy man , who hast found so many friends , that accompany not onely thy sadnesse , but seeme to exceed it . good sir , consider a little their anguish . o , that there is nothing but vanity ! answered hee , all that thou seest is not done but by constraint , though those exterior outsides seeme to gainsay it . seest thou those waxe lights , torches , and the rest of the hearse , who would not say but that they light and accompany something ? and that it is for something that all this funerall pompe is made ? but know , that that which is within the coffin is nothing , for the body was nothing in its life time , death hath lessened that nothing , and all the honours that are given unto it serve for nothing ; but this is done , because the dead have their vanities and state , as well as the living . there is nothing within but earth , not able so much as to produce fruit , and more filthy to looke on , than the dirt on which thou treadest , that deserves no honour , and on which the share and plough have no predominance : and that dolefulnesse , which thou thinkest to have noted in these friends , is nothing but anger and madnesse , that they are not ranked according to their degree and ambition . the widower also is not so afflicted for his wives death as thou imaginest , but 't is the expence that vexes him , seeing hee might have performed the ceremony with more ease , and lesse cost . he mutters within himselfe that she hath wrong'd him , in that seeing shee was to die , shee did not die suddenly ; without putting him to such charge in physicians , chirurgians , and apothecaries , who by their bils dispose his goods into parts : hee hath buried two with this , and takes such delight in being a widower , that hee is upon a treaty already with one , whom hee was a wel-willer unto during his old wives sicknesse . thou shalt see him shortly risen , from those deadly habiliments which interre him . i was wonder-strooke at these speeches . ah! that the things of this world ( said i ) are farre different from what wee see them ! hereafter i will bee more reserved in spending my judgement , and those things i shall clearest behold , will most doubt of . this buriall vanished so soone from our eyes , as if wee had not seene it , or beene likely to have made the same journey ; and as if the deceased had not shewed us the way , speaking in a silent language ; i goe before to stay for you , whilest you keepe the rest company , as i have heretofore done , with as much neglect , and lesse devotion . wee were hindred from thinking on this , by a noise which we heard in an house behinde us ; where wee were no sooner entred but the assembled beganne a lowd cry , accompanying the sobs and grones of a woman , newly become a widow . their sorrowes were very lively , ( yet availed not the dead ) every minute they wrung their hands , and sent forth sighes that seemed to proceed from the center of their hearts . the chambers of the house were disrobed of their ordinary furniture , and the poore afflicted was laid on a bed , in a roome hung with blacke . one of he● comforters said , alas ! all your teares are to no end , and i am unable to comfort you , being more grieved at your sorrow , than if it were mine owne : another , you ought not so much to macerate your selfe , because your husbands good life assures you that hee is in blisse : and another , that shee must bee patient , and conforme her selfe to the will of heaven ; which words made her double her complaints , and with greater vehemency to afflict her selfe ; saying , o god! why doe i live after the losse of so deare and loving a companion ? o! that i am unhappy in being borne ! woe is me ! whither shall i goe ? who is there now that will take into his protection a poore woman ? a desolate widow ? and helpe her in distresse ? at this pause , all the rest of the quire , with instrumentall discord of their noses and handkerchers , deafened the house ; and then i found , that in such occasions women purge by their eyes and noses , some part of their bad humours : notwithstanding i could not bridle my selfe from participating some part of their griefe , and to turne towards my conductour with these words . pity , said i , is very well bestowed on a widow , because shee is forsaken of the world ; the holy scripture cals them mutes and tonguelesse , for so the hebrew word signifies ; there is none that speakes for her , and though she take so much courage as to speake for her selfe , yet none will heare her , so that that imports as much also as if shee were dumbe . give mee leave therefore i pray you to commiserate the like misfortune , and to mixe my teares with these womens ; and wherefore , said hee ? to what purpose is it that thou knowest many things , if thou dost not make a right use of them ? observe a little and thou shalt see , how this widow , that seemes externally to have her body made of hosanna's , and her soule of allelujahs ; hath a sable shrowd , but greene heart . seest thou the obscurity of this chamber , and those vailes that cover their faces ; these are to disguise their teares , which are nought but dissembling . wilt thou comfort them ? let them alone : they will revell as soone as they see no body by them , that may serve as a subject to exercise their hypocrisie . and then will the gossips beginne their game ; come , come , will one say , bee comforted , you have an advantage , you dreame not of ; your husband hath left you young , and there are brave men enow , who will seeke after and make very much of you . you know partly already the intentions of such a gentleman , i am confident that if he once obtaine you , he will be so kinde , that you will quickly forget the dead . faith , if i were in your place , sayes another , i would not bee long pleasing my selfe ; for one lost , there is ten found : i would practice the counsell my partner gives you . but i thinke you are much obliged to him , that visited you yesterday . what say you ? is hee not an handsome man ? yes truly , and loves you extreamly . alacke , alacke , will the widow then answer , winking with her eyes , and drawing her lips together . t is not time yet to speake of that , all depends on gods providence , and he will ordaine it so , if hee finde it necessary ; yet your counsell is not to bee neglected . dost thou marke what extreame griefe shee suffers ? her husband is but newly dead , and shee already wel-nigh married . consider therefore with thy selfe , how vaine and unprofitable these exclamations are , which thou hast made . hee had hardly ended , when wee heard in the street a great hurly burly of people ; and going forth saw a sergeant bleeding and out of breath , crying out , assist the kings officers , and running after a debtour that fled from him . the common-wealth is much beholding to this fellow , and ought very well to reward him , said i , seeing he thrusts his body into so great hazard , to save their lives and goods . see how hee is torne and bloudy , in having employed his strength and power for the good and rest of it . soft and faire , said the aged man , if i stop not your course you will never leave ; sonne , assure thy selfe that he that is fled is one of the sergeants friends , with whom hee often carrous'd ; who for not having made him partaker of a late booty hee had taken , the marshall in spight would arrest , and cast into prison ; but after he had broke from him , and soundly beat him , hee is escaped as you see ; and had need to have good legges , seeing hee runnes against those , that are swifter than race-horses , where they thinke to bee well paid . but note , that it is not the least thought of the weale publique that puts him on this action , but his private particular and malice in being made a novice . for i assure you , that if his owne interest had not excited him to it , and that hee had not sought after him in way of revenge , the thiefe is too much his friend , and their combination is too great for the law to take place . and though such as are decayed and in debt are their chiefest gaine , yet their revenues proceed from whips , the rope , and the gibbet . therefore i wonder why the world that hates them so much , doth not resolve to forsake vice and practice vertue , ( though but for a yeare or two ) to bee aveng'd and starve them . t is a cursed office since their wages are paid by belzebub . hee had spoken more , if hee had not beene deterred , by the great noise and ratteling of a coach , in which was a courtier , so swelled with pride , that he seemed to bee heavier than the foure horses which drew him : hee sate as upright as if he had been a statue , and was very greedy in his lookes , but so disdainfull that every one offended him : his attendants on foot were many lackies , and in the coach a jeaster and a flatterer , who in obscene jeasts , and itching talke , past away the time . happy art thou , said i , as soone as i saw him ! without doubt the world is not made but for thee , seeing thou livest in pleasure and greatnesse ! surely thy riches are well employed , seeing thou maintainest so great a train● ! all that thou thinkest and speakest ( said my moderatour ) is nothing but surmise , yet hast thou truly said , that the world was made for him , since it is nought but vanity and folly , with which hee is puffed up . i beleeve if thou dive into his retinue , thou wilt see more creditours than servants ; for his food and livelyhood proceed onely from loane , credit , hope , and faire promises : and if the secrets of his conscience were ript , the inventions , that hee uses to maintaine life , would bee found more irkesome , than if hee got his bread by delving . seest thou that buffoone and sycophant ? they are subtler than himselfe , for they deride , yet live upon him . can there then bee a more miserable man , than such an one , who buyes flattery at so deare a rate , and thrusts himselfe into engagements to get nothing but false reports ? foolish lord ▪ hee is ravisht with the adulation of these two , who perhaps have told him , that there is no courtier his equall , that the ladies have no object more pleasing , nor conversation more enticesive ; when they doe it onely to soothe and impoverish him . last of all , a lady passed by us , whose gesture and behaviour was so gracefull , that shee attracted all the beholders . shee went with an artfull carelesnesse , hiding her face from those th●t had already beheld her , and shewing it to such as tooke no notice of it : her visage was snow and roses , which contrary to the order of nature united themselves : her lips vilified corall ; her teeth pearle ; and her hands jessamine ; and in briefe she was the epitome of earthly beatitude : and i my selfe was more inflamed with a desire to follow her , than any other object i had seene ; but at the very first step my guide stayed mee , yet not without my expression of discontent in these termes : hee must bee infinitely barbarous , that is insensible of the delicacy of so excellent a beauty , as this is : how fortunate is he who meets with so favourable an opportunity ! and how worthy that shall injoy her ! what unknowne pleasures is hee master of , that in all liberty possesses a faire wife , who had not beene made but for the love of man ? what lightenings and thunder shot from her eyes ? what enchantments and fetters for a free soule ? was ever ebony so blacke as her eye-browes ? chrystall cannot brag of so much clearnesse as her front . certainly , this is the master-peece of nature , and the haven of all desired wishes . till this present , said my aged friend , i thought thee onely blinde , but i see thou art both blinde and foolish . did i not tell thee that the eyes were made to see , but that it is for the understa●ding to make election ? know , that this woman , who seemes so really perfect , slept yester-night very ugly , and now is nothing but prime and plaister ; the haire shee weares came from the tire-women , for her owne was blowne away with an ill winde that came from france , and if any remaines , shee dares not shew it , least it should accuse her of the time past : her eyes have no other browes than those which a pensill makes , nor her haire any other colour ; neither doth her pulchritude proceed from any other nature , than alembicke waters , essences and painting . kisse her , and shee is oile ; embrace her , pastboord ; and bed her , an anatomy . upon what then is thy judgement founded , that thou thinkest her so accomplisht ? thine eyes , have they not betraid thee ? admire then thine ignorance , and understand ( not to trouble my selfe with this womans imperfections ) that most of the sexe are hypocrites , and that the wise mans saying can never bee contradicted , one man among a thousand have i found , but a woman among all those have i not found . so i awaked . to the reader . reader , i here present thee with a vision of hell , as a proviso whereby to amend thy life . therefore if thou intendest from this houre to beginne , bee not culpable of thine owne vice , in calling me detractor , or evill speaker , seeing that none can calumniate the damned . if hell seeme to bee too great , take what portion thou wilt , and be silent : is it not a curtesie when thou hast as much or as litle pain given thee as thou pleasest ? and bee not amazed if thou finde nothing but horrour and obscurity , for thou maist well thinke that neither the sunne nor joy inhabit there . i need not begge any ingenuous mans approbation , nor feare any envious mans censure . if my booke please thee , thou maist drive away thy idlenesse with it ; or otherwise , bring it to light upon thy chimny hearth . at which i will not bee offended , since i have given thee counsell so to doe ; nor the bookseller neither , if thou hast paid him for it . visions . the sixth vision : or , hell . t was autumne , a time that invited many to their countrey houses , to receive the fruits of the earth , and participate the second spring : a season of retirement that called me also , though to no mansion of mine owne , yet to a receptacle of my friends where i found the ; refreshment as healthy , and the artlesse groves to yield as pleasant a solitude , as the artificiall wildernesses of the great . in so much , as it quite altered my wonted study , from the dangerous shelves that many are split on , to the harmelesse mountaines of innocency and labour : and from corrupted riches , and delicious fare , to low feeding and elated soules . on which dreaming under my meane canopy , i was transported through the neighbour wood , into a place farre from home , of no more night ; and to one of the most delicate prospects that could bee presented , where the serenity and temperature of the aire , did in their gentlenesse fanne the heat , and ravish the senses . on one side the rivers of liquid chrystall prattled with the gravell and flinty borders , on another the trees conversed with their aspin murmur , and in the midst of these the birds sung ; i know not whether in emulation of plants and fountaines , or by way of parallell to give them musique for musique : but for as much as our desires are vagabond , and dulled with the much enjoyment of any one thing , solitude beganne now to be troblesome , and i was impatient for association : when at the same instant ( a marvelous thing ) i saw two wayes whose birth came from one place , which separated themselves by little and little , till they were past a separable distance . that on the right hand was so narrow , that comparison can hardly be made , and for being but litle frequented was so full of brambles , thornes , stones , and ruggednesse , that it was a mighty toile to enter or goe upon it : yet were there some signes of divers persons that had passed , though with infinite discommodity ; for they were faine to leave both their money and their flesh behinde them . and of some passing , but their faces were wanne and meager , and they walked without ever looking backe : to say that one might ride upon it , is a fable , for having asked that question , a traveller told me , that saint paul was faine to alight ; and indeed i saw not any tracke or footing of beasts , rut of coach or cart-wheele , nor print of litter or sedan , nor was it ever remembred that there had been any . at which wondering , i applied my selfe to a poore man , that rested to take breath , and asked if there were no innes nor places of retreat to lodge in . no , you must alwayes goe , ( said he ) there is no staying , neither inne nor taverne ; for this is the way of vertue , and but few passe through it . know you not that in the race of life , to be borne is to set forth , to live to pilgrim it ; that the inne is the world , and in going out of it there are not many steppes , to enter either into paine or glory . saying this he went on , god be with you , ( said hee ) hee that goes in the path of vertue , looses time when hee staies ; and besides there is danger in answering those , that informe themselves onely through conceitednesse , and not to be instructed . he proceeded , stumbling often against the stones , and breathing at every step , and the teares which distilled from his eyes ( in mine apprehension ) were able to have softened flints , to be more pliable to his feet . upon what spleen was this way made ( said i ) ? it is very rude and laborious , and to make it more distastfull , the parties that goe in it are untractable and uncivill . this agrees not with mine humour ; therefore i left it , and turning on the left hand got into the other ; where i saw much company , many gallants , and many coaches full of humane beauties , whose eyes seemed to contend with the sunne ; some singing , others laughing , and others eating , so that i tooke it to be some great festivall . and then remembring this sentence , tell mee with whom thou conversest , and i will tell thee what thou art ? that i might not be reproved for frequenting bad company . i endeavoured to follow this that seemed to be so good ; and hardly had set forward , but like to him that glides upon ice , i found my selfe in the midst of the rout , amongst ladies , masques , comedies , playes , banquets , very consonant to mine inclination . this was not like the other tracke , where for want of tailours , people went naked : there were to spare here as well as of merchants , skinners , millaners , upholsters , and all trades besides , that serve to advance humane pride , as embroiderers , perfumers , sadlers , shoomakers , sempsters , periwig-makers , haberdashers , &c. and for inne-keepers and ●vintners there wanted not abundance : with whom i had not long beene , when i perceived some of both wayes to change , and shift from one to the other , by very strait by-pathes : at whom wee all jeasted , but chiefely at those that went from us , calling them dissemblers , precise , wretched , and the refuse of the world ; at which some of them stopped their eares and passed by , some staid to heare us , others were deafened with our cries , and others flattered with our perswasions revived . i saw also another middle way , where many went , afarre off seeming to bee vertuous , but nearer hand were of our side . one told me they were church-hypocrites , and were but onely vailed and disguised to us , for they had no maskes , nor false visards for the eyes eternall . they went alone , and were held to bee lesse subtle than moores , and more brute than lawlesse barbarians : because that they are contented to enjoy the happines of the present life , not knowing any other : but these that can tell what temporall and eternall life is , are so accursed , that they neither freely enjoy the present , nor hope for that to come . so that the saying is to good purpose , that they gaine hell with a great deale of desert , that is , with much paines taking . here the rich followed riches , and the obstinate went apart , for they would not bee governed by the more advised , but ranne with all their might , and got alwayes to be first . magistrates drew after them all litigious negociators . passion and covetousnes allured bad judges . and kings trained whole common-wealths ; neither wanted there ecclesiasticall men of all sorts , and whole regiments of souldiers , who had beene truly glorious if they had set forth the name of god in fighting , as they had done in swearing . some generous spirits of the number of those who were on the right hand , seeing these wretches carrying yet pasports , and petitions for reward of their service , cried unto them moved with charity ▪ and as if they had gone to some battle , to mee souldiers , to me . what mean you ? is it an action of valour to forsake this way , for feare of the dangers that are in it ? come on boldly , for wee are assured that those that fight lawfully , shall be crowned : let not vaine hopes of reward entice you : a worthy man ought to seeke for nought but vertue , and shee is the reward of her selfe , if you rely upon her : turne therefore and take part with us , and you shall bee happy . the souldiers heard very attentively all these perswasions , and ashamed of reproofe and cowardise forsooke their station , and hanging downe their heads cast themselves into a taverne . after this i saw a great lady , without either coach or litter , on foot and alone , and sought out a scrivener to record it , being no ordinary accident , but finding none , i verily beleeved that i was not mistaken ; yet calling to minde that i had heard that the way to paradise was full of crosses , austerity and repentance , and considering that i saw not any about mee , but such as discoursed of wantonnesse and delight , i beganne to question and misdoubt ; but i was drawne from this incertainty , by a multitude of married men , who led their wives by their hands , that people might take notice of their affection ; nevertheles some of them were their husbands fast , since he dicted himselfe that shee might feed on dainties ; and others his nakednesse , since hee grudged his owne apparell to maintaine her in her coach , and to buy toyes , gownes , and superfluous trifles for her : by which i learnt , that a man ill married , may boast that hee possesses in the person of his wife , all necessary qualities to bee put in the list of martyrs : and seeing their troublesome life , confirmed my first faith , that i was in the good way : but that opinion had no long durance , because i heard a voyce behinde me crying , make way there for apparatours ; o god! said i , are there apparitours here ? without doubt wee are going to hell ; and it was true , for at the same instant wee were got in by a little doore made like a mousetrap , easie to enter , but impossible to get out . i was greatly astonished , in that in all the way no man remembred whither hee was going , and yet when wee were entred , every one agast beganne to looke upon his companion , saying , it is infallible , we are in hell . at which mine heart beganne to quiver , and with teares in mine eyes , i beganne to bewaile those i had left behinde mee in the world , as my kindred , friends , and acquaintance : but turning my face towards the way by which wee came , i saw most of them comming , whose arrivall did a little comfort mee , beleeving that they would bee some consolation in so sad an abode , if perhaps i should stay there long . notwithstanding i pursued my journey , and noted the gate to bee guarded by seaven divels , who kept account of all that entered . they asked my name and quality , and knowing my designe , let mee passe ; but demanding of the throng behinde mee the same question , and being informed tailours , one of the divels answered , what a strange thing is this ? i thinke that all the tailours in the world beleeve , that hell is made for none but them , they come in such clusters . how many are there , said another divell ? there are an hundred , said the former : deceive not your selfe , said his companion , it is impossible if they be tailours there should bee so few , for the least band that comes dayly of them , is not lesse than a thousand or twelve hundred , and we have already so many , that we know not where to pile them , neither know i whether we ought to receive them or no : the poore smell-feasts were much frighted at these words , beleeving they would thrust them out ; but at last they found favour and got in . i may well say ( thought i then ) that these people are very wicked , since the refusall of entrance into hell is so rigorous a threatning to them . hereupon behold a divell of the blacke guard , who stackt them up in a place of stowage , they being by reason of their dry seeding accounted the wood of hell . from the gate going through a darke entry , one called mee by my name ; at which horrour strucke i turned , and perceived it to bee a man , yet very hardly because of the darknesse which was very thicke , and the flames that environed him . ah , sir ! said he , doe you not know me ? i am such an one , a bookeseller ; is it possible , said i ? yes , answered hee , 't is i ; who would ever have thought it ? hee beleeved that i would have pitied him ; but when i had seene his face , i beganne to admire the righteous judgement of god in his just punishment , for his shop was a very store-house of sedition ; and it was he that sold and vented all those wicked , scandalous , and schismaticall pamphlets , against church and state government , which at this day runne up and downe under the hands of malevolent , disaffected persons : and somewhat neare him , i also espied another , whose shop had beene no other than a stewes of licentionsnesse , and a magazine of heresies , fraught with nothing more than obscene , scurrilous , prophane , railing , & popish pamphlets , tending to the subversion of all good maners , & to the encrease of superstitious vanities . after that i had a while beheld them , i made shew of administring redres unto them , but they perceiving that i counterfeited , said , what would you ? t is the cursednes of our condition , that wee are not condemned for our owne workes onely , as other men are , but endure and suffer for the workes of others ; yet herein we receive some solace , in that we are not alone , but have printers our coequals , who for their owne lucre , have been as forward as our selves in these things ; and for ought wee see , suffer more extreamly than our selves , and that for nothing more than for their unjust and unconscionable dealings towards us , in often printing such great numbers of overplus bookes to their owne abundant benefit , and our great losse and detriment . more they would have said , but that a divell with the smoake of his loose paper , stopped their breath ; to avoid which fume i went on , saying in my selfe , alas ! if there are men condemned for selling and printing the evill workes of others , what shall become of the writers , and those that practice them ? i passed on , and went into a cave , where i saw many burning in immortall fire . one of them said i , i never oversold , i never sold but that which was just , why am i thus afflicted ? when i heard him say he had sold that which was just , i thought it had beene iudas , and went nearer to see if hee were red haird , as wee commonly imagine : but i found it to be a mercer , dead not long before . how , world-thrive ( said i ) are you here ? he scorned to answer , because i gave him no better title : but one of their torturers ( to augment their paine ) these drapers , mercers , goldsmiths , and silkemen ( said hee ) would alwayes shape their false lights and waights according to their fancy , and make their measures of what length and shortnesse they pleased , and now they finde the gaine on 't . but if the world would be wise , they would quickly banquerupt all these kinde of men ; for then they would understand , that stuffes of gold and silver , and silke that plate , diamonds , and pearle , that lace , silke , and cloath , and all other things upon which they set unmercifull rates , are things rather superfluous than necessary , and that these are they that feed all your disordinate and foolish expences , to which they allure and flatter you with a lover called credit , by meanes whereof they invisibly ruine you . the divell would have spoke more if i had not left him , to see from whence proceeded those peales of laughter , which i heard . they were spirits deriding one , who would not submit because he was a gentleman , shewing his pedigree taken from the heralds office ; but a divell told him , gentleman ( said he ) let your descent bee what it will , you have not done in your life time any other , than the works of an infamous man , in swearing , blaspheming , and haunting of brothell-houses , and tavernes ; in which respect , your armes are discarded by the court of hell . hee that is vertuous , is the truly noble : yet though a man were an upstart , ( as you are ) if his actions were worthy imitation , wee dare no more touch him than a thing sacred . your billetting would not have been made here , if you had bin better than others : but since you esteeme your selfe so noble , you shall be burnt that we may preserve your ashes : this said , he cast him into a furnace . taking the left hand , i saw a number of old men , tearing their flesh , and lamenting bitterly , and inquiring what they were ? this is the inclosure , said one , of those fathers , who damne themselves that their posterity may bee rich , and who otherwise are called the ill-advised . miserable that i am ! ( said one of them ) i never had in all my life time so much as one minutes rest , i did not eate , slept not , and went almost naked , tormenting both my body and minde to gather substance , that i might richly marry my children , and with great summes purchase them offices and honours : which done i died without being sicke , that i might diminish nothing of those golden heapes , i had gathered together ; and yet the breath was scarce out of my body , but they quite forgot mee ; no teares , no monrning , and as if they had had certaine intelligence of my damnation , they neither charitably wish me a joyfull resurrection , nor accomplish that which i commanded them ; nay more , to aggravate my torments , god suffers that i see them from hence consume and spend in dissolutenesse , those goods for which i have so impoverished the world . t is no time now to complaine , said a divell , have you not heard being on earth this proverbe , happy is the childs whose father goes to the divell ? at this the poore men multiplied their cries , which object moved me to so great compassion , that i could no more behold them . but a little farther espying an obscure dungeon , in which was heard a great jangling and clattering of chaines ; i asked what place that was ? and was answered , it was the bounds of o that i had ! i understand you not , said i , what are they ? these are ( said one ) the ideots of the world , who gave themselves over to vice , to their insensible damnation ▪ and now remembring what they should have done , and did not ; to defend themselves from the paines they suffer , they continually cry , o that i had confessed my sinnes to the lord ! o that i had repented ! o that i had gone to church ! o that i had served god! o that i had releeved the poore ! o that i had refrained my tongue , and many other exclamations like unto these . after these late repentants , i met others farre worse , who were in a basecourt full of much nastinesse ; and wondered to heare the title that belonged to them , which was as a divell told mee , god is mercifull , and will forgive . how can that bee , said i , that mercy should condemne , since that condemnation is an action of justice ? you talke like a divell . and you said the divell , like a foole , since you know not that halfe of those that are here are adjudged by gods mercy . but , to make you understand the riddle ▪ consider how many sinners there are , who when they are admonished of their evill doings , leave not for all that to continue and increase them more and more , in answering to their reprovers , god is mercifull , hee regards not so small a thing , his mercy is so great : and thus whilest they hope in god , persevering in their wicked wayes , wee never distrust them . after your reckoning , ( said i ) none may rely on the mercy of god . you are dull , said hee , you must trust in it , 't is that that helpes forward good desires , and rewards good actions , but it is denied to those that are obstinate in their wicked wayes , for it is to play with grace , to beleeve that it serves to cover guilt , and to thinke that a man may receive it just when hee hath need of it without ever endeavoring to get it . gods mercy is infinite for his saints and repentant sinners , who struggle to become worthy ; and those that have the greatest share , are such as are most fearfull ; but hee that knowes how great it is , makes himselfe unworthy the effects , when he turnes it into the liberty of evill doing , and not into spirituall profit . can it be ( said i overwhelmed with marvell ) that so good a lesson should proceed from the mouth of so mischievous a doctour ? which spoken ▪ the divell shewed mee a flaming partition , wherein ( as one of the tortured told me ) were those that were afflicted with suddaine deaths . you lye , ( in reverence bee it spoken to the gentleman that heares mee ) said the fiend , no man dies suddainly . death uses no surprize . there wants never warning . how is it that you complaine of dying suddenly , when since your very birth , since you beganne the course of your life , death was alwayes with you ? what is more ordinarily seene in the world than dying and buriall ? what is spoken of more in the pulpit ? or read of more in good bookes , than the frailty of life , and certainty of death ? first of all the body , growes it not every day nearer and nearer to its tombe ? cloathes , weare they not ? houses , decay they not ? your owne diseases , and those of others , knocke they not at all houres at the gates of your soules , remembring them that they must dislodge ? sleepe , represents it not to the life the death of living man ? and life , is it not maintain'd by the death of beasts ? and for all this , you are so impudent , as to say that you dyed suddenly . no , no , change language , say hereafter that you are unbeleevers , dead , without ever thinking that you should dye ; and learne besides , that death takes as soone the youngest stripling , as the agedst decrepite ; and according to what they have done , be it good or ill , she proves either a mother or a stepdame . he shewed me also a vast cauldron , savouring of many oily sents , wherein were preserved apothecaries , comfit-makers , chirurgions , distillers , barbers , and mountebankes , with many more , for feare of rottennesse , saying , these are the true alchimists , and not geber , ruspicella , with the rest ; because they onely writ of what metals gold might bee made , but made it not ; or if they did , none ever since could penetrate into the depth of their secrets . but these , out of puddle water , stickes , flies , dung , vipers , toads , simples , sugar and excrements , can make gold , of better substance than all those could , that ever medled in the art , because that theirs is ready coined for use . in which respect wee are carefull to preserve them , least our treasure should decrease . hereupon another divell made signes that i should come unto him without noise ; which having done , hee set mee against an open casement , saying , looke in there , and see the ordinary exercise of fowle women . i did as i was commanded , and beheld a very great number , some whereof were putting blacke patches on their faces ; others pluckt up the haire on their eyebrowes , and others that ▪ had none made use of blacke lead , some put on fore-tops of counterfeit haire , some placed ivory teeth in their gummes , in stead of those of ebony which were fallen out . this eate ambergreece comfits to purifie her breath , and those held boxes of painting , with which they daubed their faces , and by this meanes became infinitely shining , without being either starres or sunnes . well , said the divell , would you have beleeved that women had been so inventive and ingenious to perdition ? i knew not what to answer , but turned away , and saw a man sitting on a chaire all alone , without either fire , ice , divell , or racke about him ; who neverthelesse cried out with the fearfullest cries that ever i yet heard ; his heart t●ickled drop by drop from his eyes , and he tore his bre●st , and gnawed his armes , in so furious a manner , that i thought he had been mad ; o lord ! said i , with what despaire is this poore man transported ? no body to my thinking doth him any harme ; friend , my friend , what fury bewitches you ? for what doe you complaine being here alone , free from all manner of torture . alas ! said hee , with a terrible voice , i feele in my selfe all the pangs of hell together . you see not the hangmen that are linkt to my soule ; you see them not ( said hee , reiterating his cry , and turning about as distracted ) but hee sees them , whose severe and implacable justice can measure offences , with torments without measure . o memory ! thou art to mee a cruell divell ! memory of the good i might have done , memory of those wholesome counsels i have despised , and the evils i have committed , ah! that thou dost afflict me ! and to heape up my misfortunes , when thou leavest me , my reason beginnes her course , and the imagination of that glory i might have had , and that others possesse , without having bought it so deare , as i have done the paines i suffer ! o understanding ! what cruelty dost tho● use towards mee , in setting before me heaven and paradise , so full of beauty , joy , content , and delight , and yet drownest mee more and more in despaire ! some release i pray thee . and thou my will , is it possible that thou refusest to make a truce for one poore moment ? you that are a pilgrim of the other world , who aske what torments mee ? know they are the three powers of my soule , converted into invisible flames , and into three executioners , who without hand or element , burne and teare my entrals . and if by chance they cease to wracke mee , the worme of conscience gnawes my soule , as the perpetuall food of insatiable hunger . ending this word , he cast forth a deepe groane , and turning from me ; mortail , said he , consider that those of the world , who were illuminated with the gospell , and endowed with celestiall graces , and have not employed them to their owne salvation , carry their hell in themselves , and are tormented with the like misery as i am . this said , hee beganne his first worke : and i departed very pensive , apprehending in my selfe , that that man must needs have heavy crimes upon his conscience . but the divell seeing mee sad , whispered in mine eare that it was an atheist , who neither beleeved in god nor the divell . o that an understanding man is really accursed ( replied i ) when he cannot tell how to make profit of that talent , which god hath given him ! not farre off , i saw abundance of people , drawing a fiery cheriot through a burning lake , with rings thrust through their tongues , to which the harnesse was fastened ; and a divell going before them with this proclamation , this is the punishment of swearers , slanderers , and lyers . in the waggon were easie beleevers ; and in a roome whose prospect looked upon them were beautifull women , tormented in quality of witches ; at which mine heart melted , but a divell came to comfort mee , saying , doe you not remember the evill they have done you ? have you not often found by experience , that they use a certaine kinde of magicke that destroyes ; therefore their paine is agreeable to it . i followed my devillish conductour , and saw judas ▪ accompanied with false stewards . t●●tours , and such o●ficers as himselfe , some whereof had no ●●●●heads , and others no face . ● seemed to bee well pleased with them , who related the exploits they had done in his imitation . going nearer , i saw that their torment was like that of titius , on whose entrals a vultur still gnawed , for their consciences were their greatest tormentours . i could not suppresse the desire i had to speake , perjured , disloyall , traitour , villaine above all example ( said i ) how durst thou bee so vile , as to sell thy master , thy lord , and thy god ? why , answered judas , doe you complaine of that ? you should rather commend than condemne mee , since you receive so great a benefit thereby . t is for mee to bewaile that am excluded from the possession of so great a good , as i have put into your hands . but thinke not that i am iudas alone , know that since the lords death there have beene and are worse than i , more wicked , and more unthankfull , witnesse heretickes , and schismatickes . for if i did once sell my master , i was in part cause of the redemption of mankinde ; but they in selling him , you , and themselves , have lost all the world . and others , who are not content to sell him onely , but they scourge , and crucifie him , more ignominiously than the jewes , in their wicked lives . and though i know that repentance now availes mee not , yet i would have you on earth to looke into yourselves before you censure me ; since i was the first steward condemned for sale , and not for bargaine , as is the use and practice of all my fellowes . i would heare no more , but making way , saw a great bulke of building which seemed like some inchanted castle ; in which were many venereous divels tossing whores and thieves from scalding oyle into frozen ice , to heate and coole their appetite . one of the females stepping to the threshold , where i and my guide stood , gentlemen ( said shee ) i pray you tell us whether this bee justice to condemne people both for giving and taking ? a thiefe is condemned because hee takes from another , and an whore because shee gives . for my part , i maintaine that there is no injustice in us ; for if it be justice for every one to give of his owne , and that we doe no other , wherefore are we damned ? wee found her question too difficult to bee derided , and therefore sent her to lawyers and counsellours , who were not farre from her : but remembring that i had heard her speake of thieves , i asked where seriveners were , because as i came , i overtook none by the way : i beleeve , said my divell , that you met not any . why ? are they then allsaved ? no , said he , but they come neither on foot nor horsebacke , but flying on wings a million in a flocke ; in respect of which lightnesse , they are tormented in an upper chamber . i past by , and not farre from thence went unto a place , in which many soules were shut up , some whereof were very silent , and others clamorous . one told me it was the empalement of lovers , at which i was something grieved , seeing that death doth not kill the sighes with the body . some talked of their passions , and endured a torment of loving distrust , and others attributed their losse to their desires and imaginations , wherof the force of the one , and , the colours of the other , did present pictures to bee a thousand times fairer than persons and substances . the most part-of them were disquieted and molested with a torture called i thought . ( as a divell ●old me ) and asking what that was ? hee smiling replied , 't is a torment agreeable to their offence ▪ for when lovers see themselves deceived in their hopes , either in the pursuit or possession of their mistresses , they say alwayes , i thought that shee did love mee , i thought shee would have beene the raising of my fortune , i thought that shee would have been faithfull to me ; so that the cause of their 〈◊〉 proceeds not from any other thing but i thought . next to lovers were poets , who endured the same punishment , because their passions were not much different . these men are of very jeasting humours , ( said the divell ) for whilest that others mourne and bewaile their sins , they sing theirs , and publish them every where . for if they have but once laine with a cloris , phillis , silviae , or melita , by the meanes of one song they will walke her through a kingdome dockt like a chimisticall goddesse . they will give her golden haire , a chrystall forehead , eyes of emralds or diamonds , teeth of pearle , lippes of purple and rubies , with words of muske and amber : and yet for all these riches of which they are so prodigall , they cannot get credit for a meane sute among brokers , a course shirt among sempsters , nor a crackt beaver at the second hand . fearing too long a stay , i went on to see the devout impertinents , who make prayers and requests to god full of absurd extravagancies . o that they gave testimony of much griefe ! their tongues were chained in everlasting silence , and their bodies made crooked and bending to the earth , condemned to heare for ever the fearfull cries of a wheazing divell , who thus reproved them . you brazen-fac't abusers of prayer , and the long sufferance of god , presumptuous , who dare treat with the divine majesty , with lesse respect than you would doe with a merchant with whom you traffique : how many times have you made these execrable petitions ? lord , take my father out of this world , that i may enjoy his goods . let my brother die within few dayes that i may succeed him in dignity . grant that i may finde a mine of gold at my feet . that i may bee fortunate in play . that my sonne and daughter may be richly married . that the king may cast his favour upon me . and adde unto these rash demands ; doe this lord , and i promise to give money towards the marriage of orphants , to build almes-houses , and relieve hospitals . what blindnesse ! to promise gifts to him , from whom you desire riches , and to whom all things belong ? what arrogancy ! to require of god in quality of favors those things , which he gives ordinarily for punishments and chastisements ; and although you doe obtaine , yet you never performe your promises . how many protestations have you made to god , his members , and his service , when you were in the abysse of raging and tempestuous necessity , on land , at sea , in sicknesse , in despaire , of which you have held no reckoning when you have obtained your wishes . but you were never other than hypocrites and deceivers . your oathes and vowes were never made through devotion , but necessity . did you ever aske of god your soules rest ? the increase of grace , his favours , and inspirations ? no verily , and i beleeve you were altogether ignorant of the worth of these spirituall riches , thinking too much on temporall ; and knew not that the most pleasing sacrifices and oblations to god , were purity of conscience , humility of spirit , and servent love and charity . hee takes delight that men should be mindefull of him , that he may multiply his benefits , but they never remember him , but when they feele affliction , and that is the reason god sends them calamities , to maintaine their zeale . unjust demanders ! consider now how little those things you have desired , and god given , have staid with you : and how unthankfull they have bin , ( though you have ever cherisht them ) since they have not accompanied you to your last end . consider that your children and kindred doe so little remember what goods you have left them , that they employ not one penny to pious uses , yet they are excusable , in that seeing that you did none in your life time , they know you cannot take pleasure in them though performed after your death : and besides that you are in a place which they trust never to deserve . some of these miserable men would have answered , but the muzzles that lockt up their speech would not permit them . thence i went into a great hall , smelling abundantly of sulphur ; wherein were alchimists , whom divels examined with much trouble , for they could not understand their gibbridge : their talke was altogether of metallicke substances , which they named after the seven planets , as gold the sunne , silver the moone , brasse iupiter , tinne venus , &c. they were all charged with furnaces , crusibles , coales , bellowes , argall , minerals , dungs , mans bloud , and alembicke powders ; some calcined , others washt ●here they purified , there separated , made firme that which was volatile , rarified and converted into fume , that which was firme : in another place they transmuted formes , and fixed mercury ; then having resolved the viscous matter , exiled the subtle part , and fire corruptible , when they came to the coppell all exhaled in vapour : some disputed whether the fire was to be made of beech or maple ? whether or no the fire of raimundus lullius was to bee understood of lime , or of the effective light of heat , and not the effective heat of fire ? others with hermes ensigne , gave the principle to the great worke . others looked upon the blacke become white , hoping to see it red . and whilest that the proportion of nature with nature , did contend and aide it selfe ; whilest that the rest of their blinde oracles did waite the reduction of the first matter ; in lieu of converting dung into haire , and humane bloud , ingots , and wedges of gold ; they turned fine gold into fine ordure , became fooles , beggars , and false coiners : how often did i heare them say , the dead father is risen , kill him once more ! how many did i see busied to explain these words , so often repeated by al chimist authours , god be praised , who suffers that out of the vilest thing in the world , so excellent and rich a matter should bee made ! some said they had found the sense , and that if the philosophers stone was to be made of the vilest thing in the world , it was to bee made of publike strumpets , because there is nothing so infamous in nature , as to prostitute ones body to all commers ; upon this opinion they went to boile and distill them ; but a divell came , saying , gentlemen philosophers , will you know assuredly , what is the vilest thing in the world ? it is alchimists , therefore desiring to make the philosophers stone , following the method wee heard you talke on ; wee will put you into the fire to make an experimentall proofe . as hee said , so t was done , and the poore mad chimists burned almost with their owne wils , so great a desire they had to see the elixir : not farre off from these , i saw a great society of astrologers , and superstitious men . one of them who was a fortune-teller , looked upon the hands of all the condemned , saying , it is very easie to know by the mount of saturne , that you were to bee damned ; and as easily to bee distinguished by this girdle of venus , that you are all lechers . another who was encompast with spheres , contemplating the starres , rising up cried out , o god! what misfortune ▪ if my mother had but been delivered of mee one halfe houre sooner , i had beene saved ; for at that instant saturne changed aspect , and mars lodged in the house of life . another said to the divels that tormented him , that they were best to bee assured that he was dead , for his part he would not beleeve it , because he had iupiter for ascendant , and venus in the house of life , not having any evill aspect ; which signified that hee should live , an hundred and one yeares , two moneths , sixe dayes , foure houres , and three minutes . and another reduced his science into certaine heads , to divine of things to come , and know things past ; yet could not guesse at the time that was now present , nor of his owne and his companies damnation . besides these there were many magicians , negromancers , sorceresses , and inchanters in the same station ; and many places of expectation void , which were said to be kept for certaine great men , who added faith to these devillish . disciples . at last i beganne to bee very weary , and looked about to see if i could finde any place to get out ; which striving to doe , i was ( before i was aware ) in a long gallery , in which was lucifer prince of hell , environed with his whole court composed of he and she divels ; for there are females as well as males : but fearing to faile in respect and civility , his horrible countenance also frighting mee , i staid at the entry thereof ; when the usher of the chamber came and told me , that being a stranger , his prince had commanded him to bring me in , and shew mee all the rarities . i thanked him for the honour his master did me and for the paines hee tooke himselfe ; and complementing , beganne to consider how the place was better adorned , than those are of our greatest lords and potentates , though the most curious in the world : for they have nought but dead statues , or painted pictures , dumbe , insensible , immoveable ; but here all the persons were animated with breathing and life : and which was most rare , were of no base condition . none but emperours and kings , some ottoman , some roman , some christian , besides many queenes , princes , and princesses , who would binde mee to too long a description in nomination . but for as much as i was not able any longer to endure the aire of this hot climate , i intreated the fiend to shew mee which way i might get out . yes , said he , follow me . and then he shewed mee a passage , through which i got into the same vale i mentioned at the beginning of this wonderfull discourse ; trembling and rejoycing both together , and meditating on the divers punishments many were tormented with , who perhaps had lesse deserv'd them than i my selfe ; which made me undertake a constant purpose , to live for the time to come in such sort , that i may avoid feeling the reality and truth of those torments , which i beheld now onely in vision . i intreat thee reader to make thy profit hereby , by mine imitation , that thou maist need no further experiment . finis . imprimatur , sam. baker . the blacke booke middleton, thomas, d. . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc . stc _variant estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) the blacke booke middleton, thomas, d. . [ ] p. printed by t.c. for ieffrey chorlton, london : . foreword signed: t.m., i.e. thomas middleton. a satire. partly in verse. the title and imprint date are xylographic. signatures: a-f⁴. the first leaf and the last leaf are blank. in this edition b v line of text ends "companies". quires a and parts of e and f are reimposed from stc . identified as stc on umi microfilm. reproduction of the original in the henry e. huntington library and art gallery. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - aptara keyed and coded from proquest page images - jonathan blaney sampled and proofread - jonathan blaney text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion the blacke booke . london : printed by t. c. for ieffrey chorlton . . the epistle to the reader . or the true character of this booke . to all those that are truly vertuous , and can touch pitch and yet neuer defile themselues : reade the mischieuous liues & pernicious practises of villaines , and yet be neuer the worse at the end of the booke , but rather confirmde the more in their honest estates , and the vprightnes of their vertues : to such i dedicate my selfe , the wholesome intent of my labours , the modestie of my phrases , that euen blush when they discouer vices , and vnmaske the worlds shadowed villanies : and i account him as a traytor to vertue , who diuing into the deep● of this cunning age , and finding there such monsters of nature , such speckled lumps of poyson , as pandars , harlots , and ruffians do figure , if hee rise vp silent again , and neither discouer or publish them to the ciuil ranck of sober and continent liuers , who thereby may shunne those two deuouring gulfes : to wit , of deceit and luxury , which swallow vp more mortals , thē scy●●a and charibdi● , those two cormorants & woolners of the sea , one tearing , the other deuouring : wherefore i freely perswade my selfe , no vertuous spirit , or iudiciall worthy , but wil approue my politick morrall , wherevnder the shadow of the diuels legacies , or his bequeathing to villaines , i strip their villanies naked , and bare the insectious bulkes of craft , coosnage , and pandarisme , the three bloodhoundes of a common-wealth : and thus farre i presume , that none will or can except at this which i call the black booke ( because it doubly damnes the diuel ) but some tainted harlot , noselesse bawde , obsceane ruffian , & such of the same blacke nature , and filthy condition , that poyson the towardly spring of gentilitie , and corrupt with the mud of mischiefs the pure & cleare streames of a kingdome : and to spur-gall such , who reades me shall know i dare , for i feare neither the rats-bane of a harlot , nor the ponyard of a villaine . t. m. a morall . lucifer ascending , as prologue to his owne play. now is hell landed here vpon the earth , when lucifer in limbes of burning gold ascends this dustie theater of the world , to ioyne his powers : and were it numbeed well . there are more diuells on earth then are in hell. hence springs my damned ioy , my torturde spleene melts into mirthfull humour at this fate , that heauen is hung so high , drawne vp so farre , and made so fast , naylde vp with many a starre . and hell the very shop-borrd of the earth , where when i cut out soules , i throw the shreds and the white linings of a new-soyld spirit , pawnde to luxurious and adulterous merit . yea , that 's the sinne , and now it takes her turne , for which the world shall llke a strumpet burne : and for an instance to fire false imbraces , i make the world burne now in secret places , i haunt inuisible corners as a spie , and in adulterous circles there rise i ▪ there am i coniur'd vp through hote desire , and where hell rises there must needs be fire : and now that i haue vaulted vp so hye aboue the stage-rayles of this earthen globe , i must turne actor , and ioyne companies to share my comick sleek-eyde villanies . for i must weaue a thousand ills in one , to please my blacke and burnt affection : why ? euery tearme-time i come vp , to sowe dissention betwixt plough-men , that should sowe the fields vaste wome , and make the haruest growe : so comes it oft to passe deare yeares befall , when plough-men leaue the field to till the hall : thus famine and bleake death do greet the land , when the plough's held betweene a lawyers hand . i fat with ioy to see how the poore swaines do boxe their country-thyes , carrying their packets of writings , yet can neither reade nor write , they 're like to candles if they had no light : for they 're darke within , in sence and iudgement , as is the hole at newgate , and their thoughts are like the men that lye there without spirit , this strikes my black soule into rauishing musicke . to see swaynes plod and shake their ignorant skuls : for they are nought but skul , their braine but burre , wanting wits marrowe and the sap of iudgement ; and how they grate with their hard nayly soales the stones in fleet-streete , and strike fire in powles : nay , with heir theauie trot , and yron-stalke , they haue worne off the brasse in the mid-walke . but let these passe for bubbles and so die , for i rise now to breath my legacie : and make my last will , which i know shall stand , as long as bawde , or villaine strides the land. for which i le turne my shape quite out of verse , mou'd with the supplication of poore pierce , that writ so rarely villanous from hence , ●or spending money to my excellence : gaue me my titles freely , for which giuing , i rise now to take order for his liuing . the blacke knight of the poste shortly reternes from hell , where many a tabacc'mst burnes : with newes to smoaky gallants , ryotous heires , strumpets that follow theators and faires , ●●ded-nosde vsurers , base mettald pandars to copper captaines , and pickt-hatch commanders . to all ●nsectious catch-poles through the town● the very speckled ve●min of a crowne : to these and those , and euery damned one , i le bequeath legacie● to thri●e vpon● amongst the which , i le giue for his red●esle , a standing pension to pierce-pe●●●●●e , the blacke booke . no sooner was peirce-pennilesse breathed forth , but i the ●●ght-b●●ning seriant lu●●●ter , quencht my firie shape , and whipt into a constables night gowne , the cunningst habite that could be , to search tipsi● tauerns , roosting innes , and fr●thy ale houses , when calling together my worshipfull bench of bill-men , i procéeded toward pickt-hatch , intending to beginne their first , which ( as i may fitiy name it ) is the very shirts of all brothel-houses ; the watchmen poore night-crowes followed , and thought still they had had the constable by the hand , when they had the diueil by the gowne-s●●eue● at last i looking vp to the casements of euery suspected mansion , and spying a light twinekling , betweene hope and disperation , gessed it to be ●ome sleepie sn●ff● , euer and anon winking and nodding in the socket of a candlesticke , as if the flame has bene a departing from the grea●●e body of simon snuffe the stinckard : whereupon i the blacke constable commanded my white guard , not onely to assist my office with their browne billes , but to raise vp the house extemporie : with that the dreadful watch men hauing authority . standing by them , thundred at the doore , whilst the candle lightned in the chamber , and so betweene thundring and lightning , the bawde rizze , first putting the snuffe to an vntimely death , a cruell and a lamentable murther , and then with her fat-sag-chinne hanging downe like a ●owes vdder , lay r●eking out at the windowe , demaunding the reason why they did summon a parly : i told her in plaine tearmes , that i had a warrant to search , fr●m the sheriffe of limbo ; how ? from the sheriffe of l●me-streete replyed mistresse w●mble-ch●nn● , ( for so she vnderstood the word limbo , as if limbo had bene latten for l●me-streete ) why then all the doores of my house shall flye open and receiue you maister constable : with that , as being the watch word , two or three vaulted out of their beddes at once , one swearing stockes and stoones , he could not finde his stockins , other that they could not hit vppon their false bodies , when to speake ●roath and shame my selfe , they were then as close to their flesh as they could , and neuer put them off since they were twelue yeare old : at last they shuffted vp , and were shut out at the back-part , as i came in at the north part , vp the stayes i went to examine the feather-beddes , and car●ie the sheetes before the iustice , for there was none else then to carrie , onely the flowre was strewde with buske-pointes , silke garters , and shooe-strings , ●●attred here and there for hast to make away from me , and the farther such runne , the nearer they come to me : then another doore opening rere-ward , there came puffing out of the next roome a villainous leiftenant without 〈◊〉 band , as if hée had béene new cut downe , like one of wapping , with his cruell garters about his necke , which filthy resembled two of dericks necke-laces : hee had a head of hayre like one of my diuells in docter faustus , when the olde theater crackt and frighted the audience ; his browe was made of course branne , as if all the flower had béene boulted out to make honester men , so ruggedly moulded with ch●ps and creuises , that i wonder how it helde together , had it not béene pasted with villany ; his eye-browes ●etled out like the round casement of an aldermans dining-roome , which made his eyes looke as if they had bene both damned in his head : for if so bee two soules had bene so farre suncke into hell-pittes , they would neuer haue walkt abroade againe : his nosthrills were cousen germans to currall , though of a softer condition , aud of a more relenting humour ; his c●weblacke muchatoes , were almost halfe an ell from the end to the other , as though they would whisper him in the eare about a cheate or a murther : and his whose face in generall , was more detestable on●ly then the visage of my grim porter cerbe●us , which shewed that all his body besides was made of filthy dust , and sea-cole ashes : a downe countenance he had , as 〈◊〉 would haue lookte thirty mile into hell , and sée●● sisyph●s rowling , and ixi●n spinning and réeling : thus in a payre of hoary slippers , his stockins dengling about his wrists , and his read buttons like foxes out of their holes , he began like the true campion of a vaulting-house , first to ●ray me with the bug-beares of his rough-cast beard , and then to sound base in mine eares , like the beare-garden dr●m , and this was the humour he put on , and the very apparell of his phrases ! why ? maister constable , dare you 〈…〉 our owne mansion ? ha ! what is not our house our cole-harbour , our castle of come-downe , and lye-downe ? must my honest wedded punck here , my glorie-fatte awdry be taken napping , and raisd vp by the thunder of bil-men ? are we disanold of our first sleepe ? and cheated of our dreames and fantas●es ? is there not law too for stealing away a mans slumbers , as well as for shéetes off from hedges ? come you to search an honest bawdie-house , this seuen and twentie yeares in 〈◊〉 and shame ? goe too then , you shall search ; nay , my very bootes too : are you well now ? the least hole in my house too , are you pleasde now ? can we not take ou● ease in our inne , but we most come out so quickly ? nawd , goe to bed , swéet nawd , thou wilt c●●le thy grease 〈◊〉 , and make thy fat cake . this sayde ( by the vertue and vice of my office ) i commanded my bil-men downe staires , when in a twinckling , discouering my selfe a little , as much as might serue to rellish me , and shew what stuffe i was made off , i came and kist the bawde , hogde her excellent villanies and cuning rare conueyances , then turning my selfe , i threw mine armes ( like a scarffe or 〈◊〉 ) crosse the leiftenants melancholly bosome , embraest his resolute phrases , and his dissolute humours , highly comm●nding the damnable trade , and detestable course of their 〈◊〉 , so excellent filthie , and so admirable 〈◊〉 ! whereupon this lefitenant of pickt-hatch , fell into deeper league a●d farther acquaintance with the blacknesse of my bosome , sometimes calling me maister lucifer the head-borow , sometimes maister deuillin , the little blacke constable . then telling me , he heard from limbo the . of the last moneth , and that he had the letter to show , where they were all very mery : marry as he told me , there were some of his friends in p●legetō ▪ troubled with the heart-burning : yea , and with the soule burning too thought i : though thou litle dreamst of the torment : then complaining to me of their bad takings all the last plaguy sommer , that there was no stirrings , and therefore vndone for want of doings , whereupon after many such inudctions to bring the sceane of his pouerty vppon the stage , he desired in coole tearmes to borrow some forty pence of me ; i stuft with anger at that base and lazie petition ; ( knowing that a right true villain , and an absolute practized pandar ) could not want siluer damnation , but liuing vpon the reuenewes of his wits , might purchase the diuell and all , halfe conquerd with rage thus i replyed to his basenes . why ? for shame a bawde and poore ? why then let vsurers goe a begging , or like an old gréeke stand in powles with a porringer ? let brokers become whole honest then , and remoue to heauen out of hounsditch ? lawyers turne féelesse , and take ten 〈◊〉 a poore widowes teares for tenne shillings : merchants neuer forsweare themselues , whose great periurde ●aths a land , turne to great windes and cast away their ships at sea : which false perfidious tempest splits their ships abroad , and their soules at home , making the one take salt water , and the other salt fire : let mercers then haue conscionable thumbes , when they measure out that smooth glittering diuell sattin , and that old reuell●r v●luet in the daies of mounseir , both which haue deuoured many an honest field of wheate and barly , that hath bene metamorphosed and changed into white money ; puh , these are but litle w●nders , and may be ●astly possible in the working ; a vsurer to cry bread and meate is not a thing impossible , for indéed your greatest vsurer is your greatest begger , wanting as well that which he hath , as that which he hath not : then who can be a greater begger ? he will not haue his house smell like a cookes shop , and therefore takes an order no meate shall be drest in it ▪ and because there was an house vpon fish-stréets hill burnt to the ground ●nce , hee can abide by no meanes to haue a fire in his chimny euer since : to the confirming of which , i will insert here a pretie conceit of a nimble-wiltied gentlewoman , that was worthy to be ladyfied for the iest , who entring into a vsurers house in london , to take vp mony vpon vnmercifull interest , for the space of a tweluemoneth , was conducted through two or thrée hungry roomes into a faire dining roome , by a lenten faced fellow , the vsurers man , whose nose showoe as if it had bene made of hollow past boord , and his che●ks like two thin parcakes clapt together : a pittifull kna●e he was , and lookte for all the world as if meal● had bene at twentie shillings a bushell : the gentlewoman being placed in this faire roome to awaite the vsurers leysure , who was cassing vp ditches golde in his counting-house , and being almost frozen with standing for it was before kandle-ma● frost bitten tearme ) euer and anon turning about to the chimney where shee sawe a paire of corpulent giganticall andiorns that stood like two burgomasters at both corners , a harth briskly drest vp , and a great cluster of charcoale pilde vp together like blacke pudoings , which l●ye for a● dead fire , and in the dyning roome soo : the gentlewoman wondring it was so long a kindling , at last shee caught the nuscrable conce●t of it , and calling her man to her , bad him seeke ou● for a piece of chalke , or some peeling of a white wall , whilest in the meane 〈◊〉 shee conceited the d●uice , when taking vp the sixe former coales one after another , shee chalkt ●pon each of them a satyricall letter , which sixe were these . t. d. c. r. v. s. explaind● thus : these dead coales , resemble vsurers soules . then placing them in the same order againe turning the chalkt sides inward to try conclusions , which as it happened , made vp the iest the better , by that time the vsurer had done amongst his golden heapes , and entertaining the gentlewoman with a cough a quarter of an houre long , at last after a rotten hawke and a hem , he began spit and speake to her : to conclude , she was furnished of the money for a twelue-moneth , but vpon large securitie and most tragicall vsury ; when keeping her day the twelue-moneth after , comming to repa●e both the mony and the breede of it . ( for interest may well be calde the vsurers bastard ) shee found the hearth drest vp in the same order with a dead fire of charcole againe , and yet the thames was halfe frozen at that time with the bitternes of the season : when turning the formos● ranke of coales , determining againe as it seemd to drawe some prety knauery vppon them too , shee spy●d all those six● letters which shee chalkt vppon them the twelue-month before , and neuer a one stirde or displaced : the strange sight of which , made her breake into these words . is it possible quoth she a vsurer should burne so litle here , and so much in hell ? or is it the colde propertie of these coales to be aboue a tweluemonth a kindling ? so much to showe the frozen charity of a vsurers chimney . and then a broaker to be an honest soule , that is , to take but sixpence a month , and three pence for the bill making : a diuell of a very good conscience ? possible too , to haue a lawyer bribelesse and without fee if his clyētesse or female clyent please his eie wel , a merchant to weare a sut● of periury but once a quarter , or so : mistake m● not , i meane not foure times an hower , that shift were too short , ●ee could not put it on so soone i thinke : and lastly , not impossible for a mercer to haue a thumbe in folio , like one of the biggest of the guard , and so giue good and very bountifull measure : but which is most impossible to be a right bawde and poore , it strikes my spleene into dulnes : and turnes all my blood into coole lead ; wherefore was vice ordained but to bee rich , shining and wealthy , seeing vertue her opponent is poor● , ragged , and needy ? those that are poore are timorous honest , and foolish harmelesse , as your carroling sheepheards , whistling plough-men , and such of the same innocent rancke , that neuer reiush the blacke iuice of villan●● , neuer taste the red foode of murther , or the damnable suckets of lururie : whereas a pandar is the very o●le of villani● , and the sirroppe of rogues● of excellent rogues i meane , such as haue purchasde fiue hundreds a yeare b● the talent of their villanie : how many such gallants doe i knowe , that liue onely vppon the reuenewe of their wittes : some whose braynes are aboue an hundred mile about , and those are your geometricall theeues , which may fitly be called so , because they measure the high-wayes with false gallops , and therefore are heires of more acres then fiue and fittie elder brothers : sometimes they are clarkes of newe-market heathe ▪ sometimes the sheriffes of salisburie plaine ; and another time they commit brothelrye , when they make many a man stand at hockley in the hole . these are your great head land lords indeed , which call the word robbing , the gathering in of their rents , and name all passengers their tenants of will. another set of delicate knaues there are , that diue into deedes and writings of landes , lest to young gall-finches , poysoning the true sence and intent of them , with the mercilesse antimonie of the common lawe , and so by some craftie clawe or two , shoue the true foolish owners quite beside the saddle of their patrimonies , and then they hang onely by the stirrops : that is , by the colde almes and frozen christie of the gentlemen-defeaters ; ( whom they take after mee their great grandfather ) will rather stampe them downe in the déepe mire of pouertie , then bolster vp their heads with a poore wispe of charitie : such as these corrupt the true meanings of lest willes and testaments : and turne legacies the wrong way , wresting them quite awrie like grauntum stéeple . the third rancke ( quainter then the former ) presents vs with the race of lustie vaulting gallants , that in stead of a french horse practise vppon their mistresses all the nimble trickes of vaulting , and are worthy to be made dukes for doing the somerset so liuely . this neast of gallants , for the naturall partes that are in them , are maintainde by their drawne-worke dames , and their imbrodered mistresses , and can dispend their two thousand a yeare out of other mens coffers : kéepe at euery héele a man , beside a french lackey , ( a great boy with a beard ) and an english page , which filles vp the place of an ingle : they haue their citie-horse ( which i may well tearme their stone-horse ) or their horse vppon the stones : for indeed , the citie being the lusty danie and mistresse of the land , layes all her foundation vpon good stone-worke , and some body payes well for it , where euer it lights , and might with lesse cost keepe london bridge in reparations euery fall , then mistresse briget his wife ; for women and bridges alwayes lacke mendings and what the aduantage of one tide performes , 〈◊〉 another tyde presently & w●shes away . those are your gentlemen gallants , that seeth vppermost , and neuer lin gallopping , till they runns ouer into the fire , so gloriously accounted , that they rauish the eyes of all wantons , and take them prisoners in their shops with a briske sute of appar●ll : they strangle and choake more veluet in a deepe ●●ther●d hose , then would serue to line through my lord what call ye-hims coach. what neede i inferre more of their prodigall glistrings , and their ●pangled damnations ? when these are arguments sufficient to shew the wealth of sinne , and howe rich the sonnes and heires of tartarie are : and are these so glorious so florishing , so brim-full of golden lucifers or light angelles , and thou a pandar and poore ? a bawde and emptie , appareld in villainous pack-thread , in a wicked sute of course hoppe-bagges , the wings and skirts faced with the ruines of dish-cloutes ? fie , i shame to see thée drest vp so abhominable scuruie . complaynst thou of bad doings , when there are harlols of all trades , and knaues of all languages ? knowest thou not , that sinne may bée committed , either in french , dutch , iitalian , or spanish , and all after the english fashion : but thou excuse the negligance of thy practize by the last sommers pestilence : alas , poore skark gull , that put off is idle : for seriant carbuncle , one of the plagues chiefe officers , dares not venture within thrée yardes of an harlot , because mounseir dry-bone the french-man , is a ledger before him . at which spéech , the slaue burst into a melancholy laugh , which shewde for all the world like a sadde tragedie with a clowne in t : and thus began to reply . i knowe not whether it be a crosse or a curse , ( noble philippe of phlegeton ) or whether both , that i am forced to pinck foure elles of bagge to make mee a summer suite , but i protest , what with this long vacation , and the ●idging of gallants to norfolke , and vp and downe countries , pierce was neuer so pennilesse , as poore lieutenant frig-beard . with those werds he put mée in minde of him for whom i chiefly changed my selfe into an officious constable , poore pierce-pennilesse : when presently i demanded of this leiuetenant the place of his abode , and when hee la●t heard of him ( though i knew well enough both where to heare of him , and finde him ) to which hée made answere . who ? pierce , honest pennilesse ? hée that writ the mad-cappes supplication ? why , my very next neighbour , lying within thrée leane houses of mée , at olde mistresse siluer-pinnes , the onely doore-kéeper in europe . why ? we meete one another euery terme time , and shake hands when the exchequer opens , but when we open our hands , the diuell of penny we can sée . with that ii chéerde vp the drooping salue , with the aqua-vitae of villanie , and put him in excellent comfort of my damnable legacie : saying , i would stuffe him with so many wealthy instructions , that hée should excell euen pandarus himselfe , and goe nine mile beyonde him in pandarisme , and from thence forward he should neuer know a true rascall goe vnder his red veluet flops ; and a gallant bawde indéed belowe her loose bodied-sattin ? this saide , the slaue hugd himselfe and bust the bawde for ioy , when presently i lett them in the 〈◊〉 of their wicked smack , and descended to my bil men that waited in the pernitious alley for me their maister constable : and marching forward to the third garden-house , there we knockt vp the ghost of mistresse siluer-pin . who suddainly risse out of two white shéetes , and acted out of her tyring-house windowe , but hauing vnderstood who we were , and the authoritie of our office , shée presently eneu in her ghosts apparell , vnfolded the doores , and gaue me my frée enterance , when in policie i chargde the rest to stay and watch the house belowe , whilst i stumbled vp two payre of stayres in the darke , but at last caught in mine eyes the sullen blaze of a melancholy lampe , that burnt very tragically vppon the rarrow deske o● a halfe bedstead , which descryed all the pittifull ruines throughout the whole chamber , the bare priuities of the stone-walls were hid with two pieces of painted cloth ; but so ragged and tottreb , that one might haue séene all neuerthelesse , hanging for all the world like the two men in chaynes betwéene mile-end & hackney ; the testerne or the shadow , ouer the bed ▪ was made of foure elles of cobwebs , and a number of small spinners ropes hung downe for curtaines ; the spindle-shanke spyders which showd like great leachers with little legges , went stalking ouer his head , as if they had bene conning of tamburlayne . to conclude , there was many such sights to be séene and all vnder a pennie , beside the lamentable prospect of his hose and doublet , which being of old kendall greene , sitly resembled a pitcht fielde , vppon which trambled many a lusty corporal : in this vnfortunate tyring-house lay poore pierce vppon a pillow stuft with horsemeate , the shéetes smudged so durtily , as if they had bene stolne by night out of saint pulchers church-yard when the sexton had lest a graue open , and so laide the dead bodies wool-ward : the couerlet was made of pieces a blacke cloth clapt together , such as was scatterd off the railes in kings-streete , at the queenes funerall : vpon this miserable beds-head , lay the old copy of his supplication in soule written hand which my blacke knight of the post conueyed to hell : which no sooner i entertaynd in my hand , but with the ratling and blabbing of the papers , poore pierce began to stretch and grate his nose against the hard pillowe , when after a rowze or two , he muttred these reeling words betwéene drunke and sober , that is , betwéene sléeping and waking . i should laugh ysaith , if for all this i should proue a vsurer before i die , and haue neuer a penny now to set vp withall , i would build a nunnery in pickt-hatch here , and turne the walke in powles into a bowling alley ; i would haue the thames leaded ouer , that they might play at cony-holes , with the arches vnder london - bride . well , and with that he wakte , the diuell is a mad knae still . how now pierce , ( quoth i ) doest thou call mée knaue to my face ? whereat the poore slaue started vp with his haire a tip-toe , to whom by easie degrées , i gently discouered my selfe , who trembling like the treble of a lute , vnder the heauie finger of a farmers daughter , craued pardon of my damnable excellence , and gaue me my titles as freely , as if he had knowne where all my lordships lay , & how many actes there were in tartarie : but at the length hauing recouered to be bold againe , he vnfolded all his bosome to mee , told me that the knight of periurie had lately brought him a singed letter , sent from a damned friend of his : which was thus directed , as followeth . from stix to woods close , or the vvalke of pickt-hatch . after i sawe poore pennilesse grow so well acquainted with me , and so familiar with the villany of my humour , i vnlockt my determinations , and laide open my intents in particulars , the cause of my vprising being moued both with his penetrable petition and his insufferable pouerty , and therefore changed my shape into a litle wapper-eid constable , to winke and blinke at small faults , and through the policy of searching , to finde him out the better in his cleanly tabernacle , and therefore gaue him encouragement now to be frolike , for the time was at hand like a pickpurse , that pierce should be cald no more pennilelie , like the maiors bench at oxford , but rather pierce-penny-fis . because his palme shall bee pawnde with pence . this sayd , i bad him be resolude , and get vp to breake-fast , whilst i went ●ogather my noyse of villaines together , and made his lodging my conuocation house : with that in a resulting humour , he calde his hose and dublet to him , ( which could almost goe alone , borne like a herse vpon the legges of vermin ) whilst i thumpt downe staires with my cowe-heele , imbraced mistresse siluerpinre and betooke me to my bill-men : when in a twinckling before them all , i leapt out of maister constables night-gowne , into an vsurers ●ustie ●urde jacket , whereat the watch-men staggered , and all their billes fell downe in a sownde : when i walkte close by them laughing and coughing like a rotten-lunpde vsurer , to see what italian faces they all made , when they mist their constable , and sawe the blacke gowne of his office lye full in a puddle . whell , away i scudded in the mustie moth-eaten habit , and being vpon exchange time , i crowded my selfe amongst merchants , poysoned all the burse in a minute , and turnd their faiths and troths , into curds and whay● , making them sweare those thi●gs now , which they for-swore when the quarters struck againe : for i was present at the clapping vp of euery bargaine , which did nere h●ld , no longer then they helde handes together : there i heard newes out of all countries , in all languages ; how many villainies were in spaine : how many luxurs in italie : how many persurds in france : and how many reele-pots in germanie . at last i met at halfe turne , one whom i had spent hoarie eyes so long for , an 〈◊〉 money-maister , that had beene off and on sowe sixe and fitlie yeares dambde in his counting-house , for his onely recreation was but to hop about the burle before twelue , to heare what newes from the bancke , and howe many merchants were banqrout the last change of the moone . this ramish penny-father i rounded in the left eare , winded in thy intent , the place and houre : which no sooner hee suckt in , but smilde vppon me in french , and replyed : o mounseir deiable . i le be chiefe guest at your table , with that we shooke handes : and as we parted , i bade him bring maister cog-bill the scriuenet along with him , and so i vanisht out of that dressing . and passing through burchen-lane , amidst a campe royall of hose and doublets , ( maister snips backside being turnde where his face stood ) i tooke excellent occasion to slip into a captaines sute , a valiant busse , doublet , stuft with points like a legge of mutton with pa●slye , and a payre of veluet slops , scored thicke with lgce , which ranne ound about the hose like ring-wormes , able to make a man scratch where it itcht not . and thus accoultred , taking vp my weapons a trust in the same order , at he next cutlers i came too , i marcht to maister bezles ordinary , where i found a whole dozen of my damned crue sweating as much at dice , as many pooze laborers doe with the casting of ditches : when presently i set in a stake amongst them : round it went ; but the craftie dice hauing péept vppon me once , knew who i was well enough , and would neuer haue their little blacke eyes of a me all the while after ; at last came my turne about , the dice quaking in my first before i threw them ; but when i yerkt them forth , away , they ranne like irish lackeys , as farre as their bones would suffer them . i sweeping vp all the stakes that lay vppon the table : whereat some-stampt , others swore , the rest curst , and all in generall fretled to the gaull , that a new commer ( as they tearmed me ) should gather in so many fi●teenes at th● first vomit . well , thus it past on , the dice running as false as the drabbes in white-fryers , ano when any one thought himselfe surest , in came i with a lurching cast , and made them all sweare round againe : but such gunne powder oathes they were , that i wonder haw the seeling held together without spitting morter vppon them . zownes , captaine swore one to mée , i thinke the diuell be thy good lorde and maister : true , ( thought i ) and thou his gentleman-vsher . in conclusion , it fatted mee better then twentie eightéene-pence gr●inaries , to here them rage , curse and sweare , like so many emperours of darkenesse . and all these twelue , were of twelue seuerall crmpanies . there was your gallant extraordinary thiefe , that keepes his colledge of good-fellowes , and will not feare to robbe a lord in his coach for all his tenne trencher-bearers on horse-back , your deepe conceited cut purse , who by the dexteritie of his knife will draw out the money , and make a flame coloure-purse shew like the bottomlesse pit , but with neuer a soule in t : your cheating bowler that will bancke false of purpose , and loose a game of twelue-pence to purchase his partner twelue shillings in bettes , and so share it after the play. your cheu●rell-g●tted catch-pele , who like a horse-litch suckes gentlemen , and in all your twelue tribes of villanie , who no sooner vnderstood the quaint forme of such an vncustomed legacie , but they all pawnds their vitious golles to meete there , at the houre prefixt : and to confirme their resolution the more , each slipt downe his stockin , baring his right knée , and so began to drinke a health , halfe as deepe as mother hubburds celler : she that was calde in for selling her working bottle-ale to booke-binders , and spurting the froth vpon courtiers noses . to conclude , i was their onely captaine , ( for so they pleasde to title mée ) and so they all rizze , poculis manibusque , applauding my newes : then the houre being more then once and once reiterated , we were all at our hands againe , and so departed . i could tell nowe , that i was in many a second house in the cittie and suburbs afterward , where my entertainment was not barren , nor my welcome cheape or ordinarie . and then howe i walkte in powles to see fashions ; to diue into villainous meetings , pernitions plots , blacke humours , and a million of mischiefes , which are bred in that cathedrall wombe , and borne within lesse then forty wéekes after . but some moy obiect and say ; what doth the diuell walke in powles theu ? why not , sir , aswell as a seriant , or a ruffian , or a murtheter : may not the diuell i pray you walke in powles as well as the horse goe a toppe of powles , for i am sure i was not farre from his kéeper . puh , i doubt where there is no doubt , for there is no true criticke indeede , that will carpe at the diuell . now the houre posted on-ward to accomplish the effects of my desire , to gorge euery vice full of poyson , that the soule might burst at the last , and vomit out her selfe vppon blew cakes of brimstone . when returning home ( for the purpose , in my capiaynes apparell of buffe and veluet ) i strucke mine hostesse into admiration at my proper appearance , for my poh , foote was helpt out with bumbast . a propertie whielt many worldings vse , whose toes are dead and rottenand therefore so stuffe out their shooes , like the corners of wooll-packes . well , into my tyring-house i went , where i had scarce shifted my selfe into the apparell of my last will and testament , ( which was the habite of a couetous barne-cracking farmer ) but all my striptlings of perdition , my nephewes of damnation : my kindred and alliance of villany and sharking , were ready before the houre , to receiue my bottomlesse blessing . when entring into a countrey night-gowne , with a cappe of sicknesse about my browes . i was led in betweene pierce-pennilesse , and his hostesse , like a feeble farmer , ready to depart england , and sayle to the kingdome of tartarie : who setting mee downe in a wicked chaire , all my pernitious kins-folkes round about mée , and the scriuener betwéene my logges ( for his loues alwayes to fit in the diuells cot-house ) thus with a wha● countenance , short stooppes , and earthen dampish-voyce , the true counterfets of a dying c●llian , i procéeded to the blacke order of my legacies . the last will and testament of lawrence lucifer , the old batchiler of limbo . alias , dicke deuill-barne , the griping farmer of kent . in the name of bezle-bub , amen . i lawrence lucifer , alias , dicke deuil-barne , sicke in soule but not in body , béeing in perfect health to wicked memorie : doe constitute and ordaine this my last will and testament irreuocable , as long as the world shall be trampled on by villanie . inprimis , i lawrence lucifer , bequeath my soule to hell , and my bodie to the earth , amongst you all , diuide mée and share me equally , b●t with as much wrangling as you can , i pray : and it will be the better if you goe to law for me . as touching my worldly wicked goods , i giue and bequeath them in most villanous order following . first , i constitute and ordaine , leiuetenant prig-beard , arch-ponder of england , my sole heirs , of all such lands , closes and gappes , as he within the boundes of my gift : beside , i haue certaine houses , te●●ments , and with drawing roomes in shoreditch , t●●●hold-streete , white-fryers , and westminster : which i fréely giue and bequeath to the aforesayde leiuetenant , and the base heires truely begotte of his villanous body : with this prouiso , that hée sell none of the land when hée lacks money ; nor make away any of the houses to impaire and weaken the stocke , no not so much as to alter the propertie of any of them , which is to make them honest against their willes , but to traine and muster his wittes vpon the mile-ende of his mazard , rather to fortifie the territories of tunbold-street , and curich the countie of pickt-hatch , with all his vitious endeuours : golden enticements , and damnable practises . and leiutenant , thou must diue ( as thou vsest to doe ) into lauded nouices , who haue onely wit to be licorish and no more , that so their tenants trotting vp to london with with their quartridges , they may pay them the rent , but thou and thy colledge shall receiue the money . let no yong rigle-eyde damosell ( if her years haue strucke twelue once ) be left vnassaulted , but it must be thy office to lay hard seige to her honestie : and to try if the walles of her mayden-head may be scaled wish a ladder of angells : for one ●ere of such wenches will bring in more al yeares ende , then an hundred acres of the best harrowed land betwéene detford and douer : and take this for a note by the way , you must neu●r walke without your dewce , or dew●e-ace of drabbes , after your boote-héeles : for when you are abroad you know not what vse you may haue for them . and lastly ( if you be well feed by some riosons galiant ) you must practize , ( as indéed you doe ) to winde out a wanton veluet-cap and bodkin from the tangles of her shoppe , teaching her ( you knew how ) to cast a cuckolds mist before the eyes of her husband , which is , telling him , shée must see her coozeu , new come to towne : or that shee goes to a womans labour : when thou knowest well ynough , shée goes to none but her owne : and being set out of the shoppe , ( with her man afore her , to quench the iealouzie of her husband ) shee by thy instructions shall turne the honest simple fellow off , at the next turning , and giue him leaue to sée the merry diuel of edmunton , or a woman kild with kindnesse : when his mistresse is going her selfe to the same murther . thousand of such inuentions , practizes and deuices , i stuffe thy trade withall : beside the luxurious méetings at tauernes , ten pound suppers , and flitéene pound reckonings , made vp afterwards with riotous egs and muscadine . all these female vomites , and adulterous surfets , i giue and bequeath to thée , which i hope thou wilt put in practize with all expedition , after my decease : and to that ende , i ordaine thée wholy and solely , my onely absolute , excellent , villanous heire . item , i giue and bequeath to you gregory gauntlet , high thiefe on horse-backe ; all such summes of money , that are nothing due to you , and to receiue them in , whether the parties bée willing to pay you or no. you néede not make many wordes with them , but onely these two : stand , and deliuer ; and therefore a true thiefe cannot ●huse but be wise , because hée is a man of so very fewe words . i néede not instruct you , i thinke gregorie , about the politicke searching of craftie carryers packes , or ripping vp the bowells of wide bootes , and cloake-bagges , i doe not doubt but you haue already exercised them all . but one thing i especially charge you of : the neglect of which makes many of your religion sender their wine-pipes at tyburne , at least thrée monthes before their day : that if you chaunce to robbe a vertuous townesman on horse-backe , with his wife vppon a pillion behind him , you presently speake them faire to walke a turne or two at one side , where binding them both together like man and wife , arme in arme very louingly : bee sure you tie them hard ynough , for feare they breake the bondes of matrimonie , which if it should fall out so , the matter would lie sore vppon your neckes the next sessions after , because your negligent tying , was the cause of that breach betwéene them . now , as for your welch hue and crie ( the onely nette to catch theeues in ) i knowe you auoyde well ynough , because you can shift both your beardes and your townes well , but for your better disguising , hence forward i will fit you with a beard-maker of mine owne : one that makes all the false haires for my diuells , and all the periwigges that are worne by olde courtiers , who take it for a pride in their balde dayes to weare yallowe curles on their foreheads , when one may almost see the sunne goe to bed through the chinkes of their faces . moreouer gregorie , because i know thée toward ynough , and thy armes full of feates , i make the kéeper of come-parke ; seriant of salisburie-plaine ; warden of the standing-places ; and lastly , constable of all heaths , holes , high-wayes , and conny-groues : hoping that thou wilt execute these places and offices as truely , as dericke will execute his place and office at tyburne . i giue and bequeath to thée dicke dogge-man , g●aund-catchpole , ( ouer and aboue thy bare-bone fees , that will scarse hang wicked flesh on thy backe ) all such ●urches , gripes and squéezes , as may bee wrung out by the fist of extortion . and because i take pillie on thée , wayfing so vsest as thou ere to doe , 〈◊〉 thou canst land on● fare at the counter , watching sometimes ten houres together in an ale-house , euer and anon péeping forth and sampling thy nose with the red lattis : let him whosoeuer that falls into thy clutches at night , pay well for thy standing all day : and couzen richard when thou hast caught him in the moustray of thy libertie with the chéese of thy office , the wire of thy hard fist being clapt downe vpon his shoulders , and the backe of his estate almost broken to pieces ; then call thy cluster of fellow-vermins together , and sit in triumph with thy prisoner at the vpper end of a ta●ene table , where vnder the colour of showing him fauour ( as you tearme it ) in waiting for bayle , thou and thy counter-liche , may swallow downe sixe gallons of charnico , and then begin to chafe that he makes you stay so long-before peter bayle comes : and here it will not be amisse if you call in more wine-suckers , and damne as many gallons againe ; for you know your prisoners ransome will pay for all : this is if the partie be flush now , and would not haue his credit copparde with a scut●ey counter . another kinde of rest you haue which is called shoopenny , that is , when you will be paide for euery stride you take : and if the channell be dangerous and ruffe , you will not step ouer vnder a noble : a very excellent lurch to get vp the price of your legs , betweene powles-chaine and ludgate . but that which likes me beyond measure , is the villanous nature of that arrest which i may fitly tearme by the name of cog-oulshder , when you clap a both sides like old rowse in cornewell , and receiue double fée both from the creditor and the debter , swearing by the post of your office to shoulder-clap the party , the first time he lights vpon the limetwigs of your liberty , when for a litle vsurers oyle , you allowe him day by day frée passage to walke by the wicked precinct of your noses , and yet you will pimple your soules with oathes , till you make them as well fauoured as your faces , and sweare he neuer came within the verge of your eyelids : nay more , if the creditor were present to sée him arrested on the one side , and the party you wot on , ouer the way at the other side , you haue such quaint shifts , prety hindrances , and most lawyer-like delayes ere you will set forward , that in the meane time he may make himselfe away in some by alley , or rush into the bowells of some tauerne , or drinking schoole ; or if neither , you will find talke with some sharke-shift by the way , and giue him the markes of the partie , who will presently start before you , giue the d●bter intelligence , and so a rotten fig for the catchpole . a most wittie , smooth , and damnable conueyance : many such running deuices breede in the reynes of your offices : beside i leaue to speake of your vnmercifull dragging a gentleman through fleet-streete , to the vtter confusion of his white feather , and the lamentable spattring of his pearle colour 〈◊〉 stockins , especially when some sixe of your balcke dogges of newgate are vppon him at once . therefore sweete cousen richard for you are the néerest kinsman i haue i giue and bequeath to you no more then you haue already , for you are so well gorged and stuft with that , that one spoonefull of villanie more , would ouer-lay your stomacke quite , and i feare me make you kicke vp all the rest . item , i giue and bequeath to you benedick bottomlesse , most déepe cut-purse , all the benefite of pageant-dayes , great market-dayes , ballat-places , but especially the sir penny roomes in play-houses , to cut , diue , or nim , with as much speede , arte , and dexter●tie , as may be handled by hon●st rogues of thy qualitie . nay , you shall not sticke benedick , to giue a shaue of your office at powles crosse in the sermon time : but thou holdst it a thing thou mayst doe by law , to cut a purse in westminster hall. true , beuedicke , if thou be sure the lawe bée on that fide thou cutst it on . item , i giue and bequeath to you , old bias , alias , humfrey hollow-banke , true cheating bowler , and lurcher , the one halfe of all false bettes , cunning hookes , subtill tyes , and crosse-layes , that are ven●ured vpon the landing of your bowle , and the safe arriuing al the hauen of the mistresse , if it chaunce to passe all the daungerous rocks and rubs of the alley , and be not choackt in the sand , like a merchants ship , before it comes halfe way home , which is none of your fault ( you le say and sweare ) although in your owne turnde-conscience you know , that you threwe it abou● three yards short out of hand , vpon very set purpose . moreouer , humfrey , i giue you the lurching of all yong nouices , citizens sonnes , and countrey gentlemen , that are hookt in by the winning of one twelue-penny game at first , lost vppon policy , to bee cheated of twelue pounds worth-a bets afterward . and olde bias , because thou art now and then smelt out for a coosner , i would haue thee sometimes goe disguisde ( in honest apparell ) and so drawing in amongst bunglers and kellers , vnder the plaine freeze of simplicitie , thou mayst finely couch the wrought-veluet of knauery . item , i giue and bequeath to your coosen german here , francis finger-false , deputie of di●inghouses , all cunning lifts , shifts , and couches , that euer were , are , and shall be inuented , from this houre of a leauen-clocke vpon blacke munday , vntill it smite twelue a clocke at doomes-day : and this i knowe francis , if you doe endoure to excell , as i know you doe , and will truely practize falsely , you may liue more gallanter farre vppon three dice , then many of your foolish heires about london , vppon thrice thrée hundred apr●s . but ●urning my legacie to you-ward , barnaby burning-glasse , strech tabacco-taker of england , in ordinaryes , vppon stages both common and priuate , and lastly , in the lodging of your drabbe and mistresse : i am not a little proud , i can tell you barnaby , that you daunce after my pipe so long : and for all coun●erblasts and tabacco-nashes ( which some call raylers ) you are not blowne away , nor your fierie thrist quencht with the small penny-ale of their contradictions , but still suck that dug of damn●●ion , with a long nipple , still burning that rare phaenix of phlegiton tabacco , that from her ashes burnt and knockt out , may ari●e another pipefull : therefore i giue and bequeath vnto thée , a breath of all religions , saue the true one , and tasting of all countries , saue his owne : a brayne well footed , where the muses hang vp in the smoake like red herrings : and looke how the narrow all●y of thy pipe showes in the inside , so shall all the pipes through say body . besides , i giue and bequeath to thy kings , as smooth as iet , and iust of the same colour , that when thou art closed in thy graue , the wormes may be consumed with them , and take them for blacke puddings . lastly , not least , i giue and bequeath to thée pierce-pennelesse , exceeding poore scholler , that hath made cleane shooes in both vniuersities , and bene a pittifull batler all thy life time , full oftē heard with this lamentable cry at the buttry-hatch ho lancelot , a cewe of bread , and a cewe of béere , neuer passing beyond the confines of a farthing , nor once monching commons , but onely vpon gaudy dayes : to thee most miserable pierce , or pierced through and through with miserie , i bequeath the tythe of all vaulting houses , the tenth ●eneere of each heigh passe come a loft : beside the playing in & out of all wenches at thy pleasure , which i know as thou maist vse it , wil be such a fluent pension , that thou shalt neuer haue néed to write supplication againe . now for the especiall tr●st and confidence i haue in both you , mihell mony god vsurer , and leonard lauender braker , or pawne-lender , i make you two my full executors to the true disposing of all these my hellish intents , wealthy villanies , and most pernicions damnable legacies . and now kinsmen and friends , winde about me , my breath begins to coole , and all my powers to 〈◊〉 se . and i can say no more to you nephewes then i haue saide , only this , i leaue you all like rats-bane so poyson the realme . and i pray , be all of you as arrant villain●s as you can be , and so farewel , be all hangde , and come downe to me as soone as you can . this saide , he departed to his mo●lton kingdome , the winde risse , the botto●e of the chayre flew out , the scriuener fell flat vpon his nose , and here is the end of a harmelesse morrall . finis . now syr , what is your censure now ? you haue read me i am sure : am i blacke ynough thinke you , drest vp in a lasting suite of incke ? do i deserue my darke and pitchy tytle ? sticke i close ynough to a villaines ribs ? is not lucifer liberall to his nephewes , in this his last will and testament ? meethinkes i heare you say-nothing : and therefore i knowe you are pleasde and agree to all : for qui tacit consentire videtur : and i allow you wise , and truly iudicious , because you keepe your censure to your selfe . finis . a description of time applied to this present time. with times merry orders to be observed. saltonstall, wye, fl. - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a stc estc s this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a description of time applied to this present time. with times merry orders to be observed. saltonstall, wye, fl. - . [ ] p. printed by i. o[kes] for francis grave, and are to be sold at his shop on snow hill, neare the sarazens head, london : . by wye saltonstall. printer's name from stc. signatures: a b³. reproduction of the original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - jennifer kietzman sampled and proofread - jennifer kietzman text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a description of time : applied 〈◊〉 this present time. with times merry orders to be observed . men doe blame time , while they their time do spend vnto no purpose , or to a bad end . london : printed by i. o. for francis gr●ve , and are to be sold at his shop on snow hill , neare the sarazens head . . the description of time : applyed to this present time. whereas time hath seene much vanity , which is all laid upon times old shoulders , and wheras times ears have beene tyr'd with tales of cocks and buls , lying , swearing , and complementing , scoffes , and jeeres , while one cryes , o times ! o manners ! another saies , what times are these ? another sings no other song but , here 's an age would make a man mad : time therefore to cleere himselfe , and to shew that the world is deceived in laying the blame of all matters upon times backe , hath here set downe his abuses , and certaine merry orders to be observed , that so the world may not grudge at the present time , nor time bee offended with the vice and vanity of the world , but both live merrily , according to these orders following . o mortalls ! why doe you complaine of time ? read here my griefe and wrongs in every line . you oftentimes doe wish that i would stay , when you are at the ale-house , or at play : but never thinke that time with his sharpe sithe , mowes downe by houres and daies your mortal life . and when you commit any wickednesse , and thereby bring your selves to great distresse , then with poore time you presently are mad , and thinke me evill because you are bad . what should time doe , if he should strive to please all those who are sicke of a mad disease ? and are so discontented with old time , who quietly doth runne through every signe . for if that he would get the land-lords praise , then he must turne himselfe to quarter-dayes : or if the tennants curses he would shunne , then he must make the quarter slowly come : if he would please the virgin , he must bring a suiter to her in her youthfull spring : if he would please the old man , he must stay his houre-glasse , and his houre of death delay : or if he would the cittizens love earne , then he must adde to the yeare a fifth terme . one sayes that time is now growne very hard , and that his gates against the poore are barr'd : another sayes , it is a wanton time , when men are onely guilty of that crime . for time is much asham'd by day and night , to see such sights as doe him much affright , and make his old gray fore-lock stand on end , to see how some doe prodigally spend their precious houres in drinking and in swearing , making a shew , and to the world appearing brave gallants , who are onely outward shapes of gentlemen , or rather but their apes . for they esteeme that vertue cannot be the formall cause of true gentility , or that poore undiscerned vertue can give onely being to a gentleman . but let them passe ; they that doe thus abuse poore time , shall want time , which they scorne to use . and in a word , most men their time doe spend unto no purpose , or to a bad end . times orders to be observed . first , let no woman presume to paint her face , that hath beautie enough of her owne ; for though she have colour for her chéeke , yet shée shall have none for her immodesty ; then times chéeke will looke fresh and lively . let taylers never cosen gentlem●n in their sutes by the custome of london nor take up more than will serve , conspiring with the mercer to gull the gentry : let them never make any l●●se bodied gownes for women , so that they can never hold their owne . let them never sowe any garments in such hasty manner , that y e seames are presently all unript , let them never put in bad linings into any sute , and kéepe the other for themselves . and lastly , let them never with long bills assault and set upon gentlemen : these orders being observed , the hands of time will not be guiltie of so much théeving and stealing . let hosts & hostesses , & all uictuallers give nor afford any more drinke , either wine , or béere , or ale , than wil moderately suffice their guests : let them not like briars and bushes , hang about their armes , and make them stay when they would bée gone , or are indeede gone already . let them remember to fill their pots , and suffer no drunkard to spend that in one houre or day , which should maintaine him , and ( perhaps ) his wife and children all the weeke . these orders being observed , hosts and hostesses shall live honestly , tradesmen shall live thriftily , and time shall be counted no drunkard . also it is ordered by time , that hee that spends money before hee hath it , shall bee counted a forward fellow , and a cunning man ; but because women are like this yeere to have tender eyes , therefore they shall have mourning gownes made with great sleeves , that they may mourne for their husbands decease in their gownes , and laugh in their sleeves . moreover , it is ordained , that if any men have a red nose betweene this and iuly , they shall forfeit all the shooes in their shops ; but if his wife be a scold , then the case is alter'd , for he may goe to the ale-house by the priviledge of bad husbands . also if any one drinke more than will doe him good , it is ordayned by time , that 〈◊〉 morning his head shall be cut off , and set up for the signe of the foxe and goose. for by this meanes the drunkards in these times will be fewer . besides , it is decreed and ordained , that if husbands and their wives fall out about cutting of a legge of mutton , before they have eate the porridge , that then the gray mare is the better horse : but yet to the terrour of all scolding tongues , all scold● shall be forced to eate hot porridge , til they coole the fury of their tongues ; and when they will not be rul'd by reason , some wives shall be duckt upon a feather-bed , and made quiet thereby , and so the eares of time shall not be disquieted with the noise of scolding in the streets . furthermore , it is ordained , that oyster , wives , and the other cryers of commodities , shall get an art to cry softly ; & that men shall never talke any thing of their neighbour , but that which is good ; and that scraping of ●renchers , and the babling of fooles shall he silenc'd : also sextons shall invent a new way to ring bell● without making any noise : smiths 〈◊〉 viles shall be lin'd with cushions , roarer●● shall grow hoarse for want of money ▪ scolds ( as i said ) shall grow tongue ty'd , carts and coach-wheeles shall bee lin'd with bombast , & order shall be taken with water-men ▪ that they shall not make such a bawling ; prentices in a terme-time shall not dare to cry , what lacke you ? but shall fall asléepe upon their shop-bookes , and generally , all noises shall be put downe , and silenc'd , whereby the eares of time are offended : as most especially , all drunkes quarrelling and prating in ale-houses , and singing of catches when they be more than halfe asléepe : also coopers shall h●●pe the●● tubs and uessels in cellers , and not in y e stréets , and all other violent sounds and noises , as barking of currs , winding up of iacks , squeaking of cats , the humming noises of muskets , withall the thunders in the lower regement of the belly , and the bay●ing of the beares , are all forbidden , as troublesome and offensive to times eares . also , because times eyes are growne old and sender , therefore it shall be ordained , that none shall have more money than wit , for that is offensive to time ; neither shall any weare new brade cloaths that are not paid for nor presume to iustle the wall when he is drunke , nor to réele afterward into the kennell . also for a woman to breake her husbands coxcombe with ladle , shall be a fight-very displeasing to time : also the strange fashions which are every day invented , shall bee quite forgotten , and young men shall not strive to have beards before their time , nor shall dogges presume to run away with shoulders of mutton out of rich mens houses : fooles shal not ride upon wise mens backs , nor make asses of them ; serving-men shall not weare cloakes for their knavery , young wenches shall not looke gréene at fiftéene for want of husbands : all tobacco-pipes shall bee broken , and joane slattergood shall buy new stockins , for time is much distasted to sée her hose broken above the shooe : also all courting of maids in the darke , with whispering them in the eare , and other silent temptations shall bee quite abolished : bread shall béee made of a iust size and quantity , although the baker bee not taught to see to make it weight , by looking through a wooden window ▪ and to conclude , owles shall flye in the night , measures shall bee made right and iust , red noses shal grow pale , bald crownes be cover'd with perriwigs , wenches shall never walke in their dreames stark naked fooles shal not feere for want of wit , beggers shall not ride while wise men goe on foote : chandelers shal not cut small penny-worths of chéese , coblers shal not dare to play the cookes , and licke their thumbs ; meate shal not be roasted without a fire , and chambers shal never bee kept cleane without swéeping and washing , for these sights are displeasing to time. moreover , because time is out of t●st● , and distastes many things , therefore hée hath ordayn'd , that poore men and prisoners shal never make great sumptuous feasts ▪ and also , men shal not pay more for their sawes than for their meate , which hath bin an old custome time out of minde . besides , it is ordain'd , that mustard and hartichoaks , or clowted creame and uineger shal never be served up together ; also a table without meat shal be counted no dinner , & it shal be lawful to rise frō thence without giving thankes ; also for any man to choake himselfe with drinking good ●ack , shal bee very distastefull to the pallat of time : and besides , time allowes none to eate good cheere , but such as have money to buy it . no tarts shal be made of iéeres and scoffes , nor such as have rheumaticke noses , shal make no puddings ; nor shal any fat wench make butter in summer : besides , carpes , and pouts , and railes , with crabs for an after course , shal not bee served up at any marryed mans table , notshal an old shooe-soale , though it be mine'd , and butterd , and drest after the french fashion , ever make any good meats : and also time hath thought good , that butterd ling without egges , shal not bee so good meate as with egges ; nor a calves h●●d without bacon , as good as with bacon ; also there shal be very little savour in y e white of an egge , nor in any thing else without salt , for that wil savour all things except ill words , or the folly of a foole. besides , no man shal presume to taste very hot broth for feare he burne his mouth ; nor to eate a dozen of new cakes without drinke , for feare he choake himselfe . and in generall , all working dayes and fasting dayes , furm●ty that is burnt to , conserves of roast beefe , all sawcinesse in boyes , all uineger virtuous admonitions , and wormewood words , and more especially swallowing downe knavery , without troubling the stomacke of conscience , is distasteful● to times taste . and moreover , foot-men shall be compell'd to change their socks twice a day , or else not to come in their ladies presence . besides , fish-wives shall not 〈◊〉 new fish , when it is ready to stink● ▪ for that is abhominable in the nose of time. and moreover , it shall be accounted better to have a sweete breath , than to weare sweete powders and muske about them . also the smell of mace shall be very dangerous , especially about the counter , and the smell of a great feast shall never fill a mans belly . it is ordayned also , that the smell of sir ajax breath against rainy weather , and the sent of more-ditch in summer , shall be very distastefull to times nose : all h●st is words also shall make time take pepper in the nose , and therefore hot stomacks shal eate great store of sage to coole their fury . also knavery , hidden under shewes of honesty , if discerned ; shall smell ranke , and be very distastefull to times nose ; and also complements being perfum'd & sweeten'd with dissimulation , shall be soone disliked . moreover , water that is pure and cleere , shall be thought to have no smell ; but good sacke shall make times nose looke sun-burnt . also the smell of money shall bee counted very savoury , according to the old proverb , bonus lucri odor ex re qualibet : the smell of gaine is sweete , though from a iakes . lastly , the smell of y e snuffe of a candle , the burning of woollen in the fire , a chamber-pot full of stale urine the cunning of hostesses , the knavery of hostlers , and generally , all false dealing and corruption shal be very distasteful to times nose . also , because time is old , and starke bald behinde , therefore it shall be no offence for such as have had wits , to bring forth bald conceits : and because time is old , ( as i said ) in his last declining age , therefore it shal be lawfull for old men to dye in good age , and while they live , to bee honour'd before young gallants , by the priviledge of time and seniority . moreover , because times wit and iudgment cannot chuse but be very crazie , after so many yeeres griefe and trouble , therefore it is ordain'd , that wit shal runne a wooll-gathering , to make a night-cap for him ; and that hee shal never bee made any officer or watchman . and besides , time hath ordain'd , that hée that can kéepe his fingers out of the fire , shall be counted a wise man , and shee that can rea●● egges wel , a cunning woman ; but if any asse presume to put on a gowne , hee shall bee apprehended for a counterfeit philosopher . it is ordained also , that fooles shall aggree very well together ; and hee that can tell an hundred pound of his owne money , shall bee counted a skilfuller man than he that can cast up great summes in figures . and to conclude , to see geese cackle , and talke greeke , to heare asses make orations in strange languages , to heare cuckowes sing severall tunes , to see young men have more money than manners , to see rootes worne for night-cappes , and hats for shooes , and to tell a tale to a mare , shall bee all displeasing to times wit. also , to heare a morrice da●ce commended for an excellent maske , or crabs for very good pippins , or that the powder of a post , is better than suger to sweeten wine : these are all distastefull to times iudgement . therefore it is ordained , that money shall be preferred before desert , by the principall iudgements , and that a calves head and bacon shal be esteemd a better dish of meate , than ling without oyle and mustard ; a foule stable shall bee iudged better for a tyred horse than a faire way : but betwéen knavery , dishonesty , and basenesse , there shall bee little difference in times iudgement . and moreover , because time is generally hated and every one desires his roome rather than his company : therefore it is ordained , that young fellowes that spend their time wastefully , shall bee very asses in their age ; and that powderd beefe shall bee sometimes not mollified , or softned by ten of clocke , because they let time passe away unregarded . also old maides shall despaire of husbands , and all because they let time passe away unregarded ; and so shall such as frequent alehouses be adiudged to goe in old cloathes , because they did not make use of , nor respect time. and because time hath beene much abused by drinking , therefore it is ordained , that some shall be carried to the counter before they have time to pay their debts , or compound with their hostesse ; and besides , hee that takes up commodities upon times backe , shall be found to pay for them over times shoulders . also it is ordained ▪ that men shal waste upon time and tide , and puddings and pyes shall be dough back'd , if they bee not set in the oven in time. and likewise time doth ordaine , that he which sleepeth till tenne of clocke , that hee will bee so offended with him , that hee shall never rise early in a morning : and whereas time did use to make young wenches ripe and ready for husbands at fifteen yeares of age , now they shall stay till twenty five , if they have not portions : moreover , tho●e that shell pease in summer , and can doe nothing else , may fréely play thrée quarters of the yéere ; and such as dresse themselves onely against dinner-time , shal bee counted no early rising huswives ; and béere shal grow ripe with time , but ale shal be transform'd into uineger . moreover , it is the pleasure of time , that all bils and bonds bearing no date , shal bee payd in the yéere one thousand sixe hundred and never . and because young men should bee warie and thrifty , ( as it becommeth them so to bee ) therefore such as wast their time , in following vaine and idle pleasures , are ordayned to beggers , by a statute that was made in the yéere one thousand foure hundred and seven . and also to prevent all inconveniences arising by the neglect of time. it is ordayned , that prodigals shal have more wit than money , and that the stealing of a nappe upon an ale-bench , shal bee counted a fellony against time ; and that feather , beds shal bee made hard , being stuft with cotten of care , that men may turne twenty times before they can sleepe , or take any rest : and also tobacco , a great waster of time , shal bee made to smoake wheresoever hee is found : ringing also of bells shal not be held so necessary as ringing of cloaths , and such like . and lastly , time ordaines , that drinking untill midnight , sleeping untill noone , dressing untill dinner-time , starching on sundayes , working on holy dayes , tedious trimmings at the barbers , following costly su●tes in law , also for young maydes to lye a bed and spoyle their beauty or complexion , and long at dinner , and sleeping by the fire-side in the winter-time , also all extreame laughing and quaffing , with many other kindes of ill living , shall bee distastefull to time. to give you counsell thus , time thinkes — it best , and teach you truth , although it bee in jest : for hee that will not counsell take from time , that hee will ner●e bee wise it is a signe . finis . a pick-tooth for the pope: or the pack-mans pater noster set down in a dialogue, betwixt a pack-man, and a priest. translated out of dutch by s. i. s. and newly augmented and enlarged by his son, r. s. sempill, james, sir, - . approx. kb of xml-encoded text transcribed from -bit group-iv tiff page images. text creation partnership, ann arbor, mi ; oxford (uk) : - (eebo-tcp phase ). a wing s estc r this keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the early english books online text creation partnership. this phase i text is available for reuse, according to the terms of creative commons . universal . the text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. early english books online. (eebo-tcp ; phase , no. a ) transcribed from: (early english books online ; image set ) images scanned from microfilm: (early english books, - ; : ) a pick-tooth for the pope: or the pack-mans pater noster set down in a dialogue, betwixt a pack-man, and a priest. translated out of dutch by s. i. s. and newly augmented and enlarged by his son, r. s. sempill, james, sir, - . sempill, robert, ?- ? , [ ] p. by robert sanders, printer to the town, and are to be sold in his shop, glasgow : m.dc.lxix. [ ] earlier published with title: the packmans pater noster, or a dialogue betwixt a chapman and a priest. satire in verse on the catholic liturgy; with additions by the author's son robert sempill. imperfect; pages cropped, stained, with faded print and slight loss of text. reproduction of the original in the british library. created by converting tcp files to tei p using tcp tei.xsl, tei @ oxford. re-processed by university of nebraska-lincoln and northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. eebo-tcp is a partnership between the universities of michigan and oxford and the publisher proquest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by proquest via their early english books online (eebo) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). the general aim of eebo-tcp is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic english-language title published between and available in eebo. eebo-tcp aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the text encoding initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). the eebo-tcp project was divided into two phases. the , texts created during phase of the project have been released into the public domain as of january . anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. users should be aware of the process of creating the tcp texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. text selection was based on the new cambridge bibliography of english literature (ncbel). if an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in ncbel, then their works are eligible for inclusion. selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. in general, first editions of a works in english were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably latin and welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in oxford and michigan. % (or pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet qa standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. after proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of instances per text. any remaining illegibles were encoded as <gap>s. understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of tcp data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a tcp editor. the texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level of the tei in libraries guidelines. copies of the texts have been issued variously as sgml (tcp schema; ascii text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable xml (tcp schema; characters represented either as utf- unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless xml (tei p , characters represented either as utf- unicode or tei g elements). keying and markup guidelines are available at the text creation partnership web site . eng catholic church -- liturgy -- humor -- early works to . satire, english -- early works to . - tcp assigned for keying and markup - spi global keyed and coded from proquest page images - jonathan blaney sampled and proofread - jonathan blaney text and markup reviewed and edited - pfs batch review (qc) and xml conversion a pick-tooth for the pope : or the pack-mans pater noster . set down in a dialogue , betwixt a pack-man , and a priest. translated out of dutch by s. i. s. and newly augmented and enlarged by his son r. s. this pious poëme buy and read , for of the pope it knocks the head , glasgow , by robert sanders , printer to the town , and are to be sold in his shop . m. dc . lxix . to the reader . this present ( for the present ) i present , to you , good reader , with my smal addition : the which , to imitate is my intent : to match , or over-match , were great-ambition : i but enlarge it , not surpass ; for neither i may , can , will , dare parallel my father . i may not , for i cannot reach unto it : and though i could , i will not enterprise it : and though i would , could might , i dare not do it : to dare , were with disdain for to despise it . my parents poëme only to express , i press , of new , to put into the press . a conference between a pedler and a priest . or , the pack-mans pater noster , which he learn'd in a closter : whereof he sore repented , and prayes it may be printed . not sitting for the schools , yet school-master of fools . a polands pedler went upon a day , unto his parish priest to learn to pray : the priest said , packman , thou must haunt the closter , to learn the ave , and the pater noster . pack-man . now good sir priest , said he , what talk is that ? i hear you speak , but god in heaven knows what . priest. it is , said he , that holy latine-letter , that pleaseth god well , and our ladie better pack-man . alace , sir john , i 'le never understand them , so must i leave your prayers as i fand them . priest. tush , tush , sayes he , if thou list for to learn the latine prayers rightlie to discern , and sojourn but a little with me here , within a month i shal make thee parqueer . pack-man . parqueer , said he , that will be but in saying : in words , not sense , a pratling , not a praying . shal i , sir iohn , a man of perfect age , pray like an idle parret in a cage ? priest. a parret can but pratle for her part , but towards god hath neither hand nor heart . pack-man . and seeing i have head and heart to pray , should not my heart know what my tongue doth say ? for when my tongue talks , if mine heart miscary , how quickly may i mar your ave mary ? and i , sir , having many things to seek , how shal i speed , not knowing what i speak ? priest. because that god all tongues doth understand . yea knows thy very thoughts before the hand . pack-man . then if i think one thing ▪ and speak another , i will both crab christ , and our ladie his mother : for when i pray for making up my pack , man , your ave mary is not worth a plack , man. priest. thy latine prayers are but general heads , containing every special that thou needs : the latine serves us for a liturgie , as med'ciners direct the chirurgie : and in this language mass is said and sung : for private things pray in thy mother tongue . pack-man . then must i have a tongue , sir john , for either , one for the mother , another for the father . priest. thinks thou the mother doth not know such smal things ? christ is her son man , and he tells her all things . pack-man . but good sir john , where learnd our lady her latines for in her dayes were neither mass nor matines , nor yet one priest that latine then did speak , for holy words were then all hebrew and greek . she never was at rome , nor kist popes toe ; how came she by the mass , then would i kno ? priest. pack-man , if thou believe the legendary : the mass is elder far then christ or mary : for all the patriarchs , both more and less , and great melchisedeck himself said mass. pack-man . but good sir john , spake all these fathers latine ? and said they mass in surplices and satine ? could they speak latine long ere latine grew ? and without latine no mass can be true . and as for hereticks that now translate it . false miscreants , they shame the mass ▪ and state it . priest. well , pack-man , faith thou art too curious , thy spur blind zeal , fervent , but furious : i 'd rather teach a whole coven of monks , then such a pack-man with his puritane spunks . this thou must know , that cannot be deny'd , rome reign'd over all when christ was crucify'd : rome ethnick then , but afterwards converted . and grew so honest , and so holy hearted , that now her emp'ror is turn'd in our pope , his holiness ; as you have heard , i hope . he made a law , that all the world should pray in latine language to the lord each day : and this in our traditions you may try ; which if you list to read , and shal espy the pope to be christs vicar , sole and sure , and to the worlds end will so endure . pack man. surely this purpose puts me far aback , and hath mo points , then pins in all my pack ; what ever power you give to your pope , he may not make a man an ape , i hope . r. s. but good sir john , before we further go , resolve me this , since you assail me so : how , when ▪ and where this vicarage befell unto your pope ? i pray you briefly tell . priest. know you not ? peter when he went to rome , he there was execute ▪ which was his doom : and in his latter will and legacy , at rome he left his full supremacy unto the pope ; which legacy was given by christ to peter , when he went to heaven . and so the pope ( though mediatly , indeed by peter ) christs sole vicar doth succeed ▪ and every pope sensyne from race to race , succeeds each other in the papal place . pack-man . by your assertion surely i perceive , you press to prove that peter then did leave such legacy to those who did him murther : think ye such fond cōceats your cause can further ? that 's but a very falsly forged fiction , and proves most for your romish whoors cōviction . for rome did falsly fall from peters faith , and burreo-like bereft him of his breath . and so your pope doth merit no preferment . but , as an hang-man , peters upper garment . and still , sir john , ye strive to play the knave ▪ affirming falsly peter did receive his primacy from christ , when thus he spoke , that he would build his church upon that rock ; as if on peter christ had only founded his holy church for ever to be grounded : to wrest the scripture is your whole pretence , either into an ill or double sense ▪ christ built his church on peters pure profession . and on the solide rock of his confession ; that he was christ , which is a firm foundation against all romish-popish inundation . i sory am to see you so unwise : for peter after that deny'd christ thrice : christ built his church on faith , which byds a tryal , and not upon poor peters thrise denyal . on this a friend of mine did make a sonet , a pretty one , if i could light upon it : lo here it is , and in it ye may read , how your proud pope to peter doth succeed . why should profane proud papists thus presume to say their pope to peter doth succeed ? read we that peter ( if he was at rome ) rode rob'd with triple crowns upon his head ? pray'd ever peter for the souls of dead ? or granted pardon for the greatest sin ? how many nunces , note we , he did need through all the nations that his name was in ? how many friers had peter , can we find , in sundry sorts so shaven with a shame ? was ever peter so blasphemous blind , as to take holiness unto his name ? the pope succeeds to peter in no case , but in denial , and in no divine place . r. s. poor peter , only thrice , did christ deny : once was too much : but soon he did espy how that he rashly had forsworn his master : for which christ shortly did apply a plaster to his sick soul , and plac'd his grace therein , which is the only antidote for sin . christ turn'd and look'd on him , and was content to pardon peter , since he did repent . but i can prove your pope , sir john to be into a great deal worse estate then he : for popes do dayly both in word and deed deny our lord , as after ye may read : who derogates from christ the full perfection of mediation ▪ for our souls election ; and say , his sufferings cannot satisfie for all our sins , and cure our misery : but mix their humane merite ( vile ambition ! ) the foolish brain-sick birth of mans tradition : and al 's the works of supererogation , with christs true merite , our sole consolation . denyes that christ can be his only savior : can ye call this a christian-like behavior ? no , that ye cannot ▪ for we may espy all such dealing is of christ a flat denyal . but this your pope doth mishently maintain , that humane merite mercy must obtain : what humane merite means , i have no skill , go ye to heaven by any means ye will : i hope in god that heaven i shal inherite through christ his only mercy-worthy merite . your pope denyes his lord without repentance , for dayly profit : and draws near the sentence of judas case ; for when the lord had told him he should betray him , then he shortly sold him unto the jews , and thirty pence did take , too smal a sum his savior to forsake . yet after that he fain would have repented , but not so soon his sin he had resented : he forth-with ran in haste , and hang'd himself , who sold his savior for vile worldly pelf . for judas one , each pope may compt five hunder for every day , and do not at it wonder , nor think him damnified by such transgression , for 't is the richest point of his profession , and is the finest feather in his wing , which makes him loath to quite such trafficking . and so your pope not only doth deny christ , but judas-like , he sels , and papists buy christ. yet suffer me , sir john , for to relate some orders of your popish roman state . first is your pope , whom so your clergy calls , next him ye have your pompous cardinalls . your prelats , priests , your priors and your patrons , your monks at mass , & matines with your matrōs : your abbots convents , and your chaste abesses ; your nunries nuns , your painted prioresses : your jebusitish jesuits , your friars , so ras'd with rasors , and so shaven with shears : some of the order of dominican , some of the order of proud franciscan . and think ye not the romish church doth erre , when before christ , saint francis they prefer ? they make christ ( only ) but as an orator , but make saint francis only exorator . christ but to pray , saint francis to prevail , and to obtain , when christ his prayers fail . some of another order are content , call'd capuchins , themselves for to torment , with many mo i may not now rehearse , which would be tedious to put in verse . search all the scriptures through , see what it sayes ▪ if such styles were in christs or peters dayes . no , good sir john , i surely do suppone , like those you shal find either few or none . and yet , sir john , i 'le show you what a story , your ancient fathers tell of purgatory . they do affirm that antichristian cell , to be a place next adjacent to hell ; alike in pain , but not alike in case , of the continuance of time and space : wherein are souls for venial sins committed : ( for satisfying mortal sins remitted : some souls are likewise for a time tormented ) untill by pray'r gods anger be relented . and the confession hereof is , as saith your bellarmine , a point of catholick faith : and so must be undoubtedly believed ; where-out , who payes most , soonest is relieved : not by good faith , but only by good deeds , and pratling pater nosters on their beads : by dayly sacrifices of the living , and weekly rents , and offerings largely giving : and by their publick , and proclamed alms , a silver showr that fyrie fornace calmes . and as for me , sir john , i say no more . but this into mine heart i heap in store ; by faith in christ gods grace is to me given , that my soul shortly shal ascend to heaven . when this life ends , my ghost shal go to glory . pocks on your presupposed purgatory , infantum limbus , and your limbus patrum , whereout none comes , but by the preces fratrum , ( ye say ) and masses said for souls departed . whereby poor pievish peoples pelf is parted amongst your clergy , making them believe their silly souls then quickly shal relieve out of that pain : and as for them that pay most , creeds , avees , paters , mass , they pray , and say most . to make their sayings sure they cite the scripture ; but falsely formed with a ragged rupture : of which , if ye would surely have a sent , read cartwright against rhemes new testament . the which to prove how little they prevail , read doctor mortons protestant appeal ; where ye shal find this purpose well disputed , and by them both right learnedly refuted . it passeth papists power for to prove it , the more i hear , the more i loath to love it . so since , sir john , ye have no scripture for it , but meer alleadgences . i must abhore it : to trust such tales i shal be verie sory , i 'le go to heaven , go ye to purgatory . in rome likewise to hinder fornication , your pope admits a great abomination ; they suffer borthels without reprehension . for augmentation of their yearly pension , wherein for clergy-men are stewes allowed , for weekly payment , constantly avowed . they spare not only to exact a rent , from persons willing to live continent : allowing them their whoors ( thus they insist ) in stewes : where they may have them , if they list : ●or clergy-men they suffer not to marry , consenting to a course that 's quite contrary to gods law , charging his church withall , there should not be a whoor in israel . ●ut your pope adrian , for yearly fewes , ●id build in rome ( o rome ! ) a stately stewes : ●ehold his godless , graceless ▪ goodless cariage : ●o build a borthel , disanulling marriage . ●ow , were i lay , or church-man , by my life , i should renounce your stewes , and take a wife . and last , your pope , like all devouring dogs , in rome allows the jews their synagogues ; wherein our lord and savior christ they curse , for yearly payment to enlarge their purse . and yet before a jew become a papist , hee 'l rather quite his god , and turn an atheist . now what profession will they not permit , for profit in their sodom for to sit ? except true protestants , most apostolick , and pure professors , christians catholick : such they will never suffer in their city , they persecute them all , and have no pity : but still pursue them both with sword and fire , like mad-men in their fury and their ire ; and like blood-thirstie raging lyons roaring after their preyes : like hungry wolves devouring the blood of saints , when they can apprehēd them i hope in god , he dayly shal defend them ; against their devilish desperate intentions , and their invective jesuits inventions : and all their wicked wiles , and subtile shots , their most abominable powder plots . see from their fountains what sweet water spring to send out tongues to kill their native kings : both prince and people , to destroy they care not , man , wife , and child to put to death they spare no mark what a vile report queen katherin caries for that mad massacre she made at paris : should any soul such sake-less slaughter smother , so mishently committed by her mother ? who sent out bloody boutchers to cut down , the whole protestants present in the town ; both under trust , and under cloud of night : but i repose in jacobs god of might , he will undoubtedly ere it be long , both judge their cause , and eke revēge their wrong . albeit their bones be buried in the dust , in god omnipotent i put my trust : ( as in the sacred fathers we do read ) the blood of saints shal be the churches seed . though ye think your profession true and pure , had ye a spunk of grace ( man ) i am sure , ( hearing me make so many true relations , how rome maintains so gross abominations ) her devilish doctrine soon ye would despite , and questionless , her courses quickly quite . for rome , we see , retains into her treasure , popes , perjury , profanity , and pleasure : priests , papists , pardons , prelates , priors punks , mass , matines , matrons mumbling with their monks : contentious jesuits , counterfeit contrition : that hellish hole of spanish inquisition : earth epicures , equivocating elfs . puft up with pampering pride of paltred pelfs . terrestrial temporizers , truthless traitors ; false , fained , faithless , filthie fornicators : unhappy hypocrites , unwholsome whoors , in beastly borthels , babylonish bowrs . with shameless strumpets in their stinking stewes . invyous jesuits , invective jews . equivocation , mental reservation , the devil devis'd such doctrine for damnation : they eat their god , they kill their king , they cousen their neighbor : is not this a great abusing ? with many monstrous things i cannot name , on which to think it makes me sweat for shame : as are these rites maintain'd in romes theatre , and first the casting of their holy water : their exorcisme , their images , their altars : of crosses , cups , and pals , popes are exalters , of candles , and of churches consecration , with vestments in the church for decoration : their hypocritical hid hermetages , their pennance and polluted pilgrimages : free-will , and humane merite for offences , with jugling jubilees and indulgences ; and of the saints their idle invocation , and by the pope their curst canonization . auricular confession , vile pollution , and for their sins a pay'd for absolution : their private masses , and their murmuration , their elevation , transubstantiation . sir john , if ye would hear me but record , some verses on the supper of our lord : it was a friend of mine to me did send them . hee 's not a christian will not commend them . priests make christs both body and soul , we need not doubt , they eat , drink , box him up , they bear about ▪ one is too little ; bread and wine holds not him several ▪ so we dine ; thou with thy christ , i with mine . is thy mouth the virgine womb ? is bread her seed ? are thy words the holy ghost ? is this our creed ? o presumptuous undertaker ! never cake could make a baker , yet the priest can make his maker . what 's become of all these christs the priests have made ? do these hostes of ostes abide ? or do they fade ? one christ abides , the rest do flie : one christ he lives , the rest do die : one christ is true , the rest a lie . r. s. into the gospel , take ye , eat ye , christ saith , for which , receive ye , swallow ye , your priest saith . see how by popes the sacraments are driven , where christ makes two , they ad five , so make sevē . for baptism and the supper of the lord , these only two did christ to us afford . with christ his institution not content , to these two true , five bastards they augment . a bastards name doth duly them befit ; for they were never reabled as yet ; nor ever shal , but still will be abhor'd , because they have no warrant from the lord , as confirmation , pennance , extreme unction , with priestly orders to adorn their function ; and matrimony they maintain as one . but here 's a wondrous thing to think upon . how popes do call themselves , sorvi servorum , yet in procession keep a strange docorum . they tread on necks of kings upon the street , and forcing emperors to kiss their feet . doth god the father in his law allow these vile inventions your church doth avow ? doth christ his son into his gospel give such wayes to walk in , such faith to believe ? or doth the holy ghost in us inspire ▪ more then the law and gospel doth require ? the father hath prescriv'd to us a law , to keep us in obedience and aw : and christ his son our savior , did provide us his glorious gospel always for to guide us : the holy ghost doth from them both proceed , to guard us from our sins in time of need . if we transgress the law of god the father . then neither grace nor comfort can we gather . if we believe not in his only son , then our belief is doubtlesly undone ; and if we breath not of the holy ghost , then is our labor all our life-time lost . but gods commandements your kirk renverses , some she conjoyns , and others she disperses : she trusts in saints and angels many one , and should trust in the trinity alone : wherefore gods holy sprit can nev'r attend her , nor in distress or danger ev'r defend her . and though she reign a while in pompe and pride , i hope in god my good and gracious guide , to her the true religion hee 'll advance ere long , and bring her out of ignorance , wherein she hath these many hundreth years lyen wilfully , which manifest appears ▪ by her unwillingness from thence to part , she is so obdurate , and hard of heart ; so that except god by his mighty hand , her power , her pride , and cruelty withstand , and force her from her filthiness to flie , of errors great , and gross idolatrie : so if she follow not christs true instruction , i fear her final dangerous destruction : which god forbid : i hope in his own time . hee 'll both forgive , and purge her of all crime . heard ever ye , sir john , a purpose quicker , to prove the pope to be christs only vicar ? s. i. s. and though he were full vicar to our lord , should not his words and christs keep one accord ? priest. doubtless they do , and never are contrary , in pater noster , creed , nor ave mary . pack-man . but christs disciples when they made their motion to christ their master , how to make devotion ? as i have done to you , sir john , to day , i pray you , in what tongue bade he them pray ? christ did not one word latine to them speak : their talk was all in syriack , hebrew , greek . he bade all nations pray after one manner : but bade not all take latine for their banner . your latine is but one of the translations : why should it then exclude all other nations ? and on my soul ▪ sir john , if i but say , in mine own mother tongue , when i do pray : lord , help me , lord , forgive me all my sins : yea , why not , lord , increase my pack and pins . and every thing whereof i stand in need : for this depends upon our dayly bread : i hope in god , to reap more comfort herein , then latine ye would make me so parquier in . and since some tongues have more antiquity then latine , were it not iniquity to force all people to pray like the pope ? no , good sir john , yee 'l not say that i hope . priest. but pack-man , one point would i fain make plain , let us come back to our ladie again : and if thou had as much capacity , as raving wit , with great audacity , the case is clear , that virgine mary meek , she could all languages perfitely speak . hast thou not heard , man ▪ how the holy ghost came down like cloven tongues at the pentecost , and fild the house where all the twelve were ready , and one tongue truely lighted on our lady ? and lest thou think i talk of idle themes , consult the reverend jesuits of rhemes : i pray thee , pack-man , earnestly this note . pack-man . in faith , sir john , it is not worth a groat . will i believ 't , think ye , because they say it ? priest. no : but they prove 't , as no man can deny it . saith not the text , that when the lord ascended , unto the twelve he earnestly recommended , that from jerusalem they should not go , until the comforter should come : and so into an upper room they went together , where marie still was one , ye must consider . with many mo in number full six score , that with the twelve did dayly god adore : and then he saith , when pentecost was come , they were together in one place , all , and some , and ( all ) were filled with the holy ghost . pack-man . o good sir john , ye count without your host . now i see well your iesuitical tongues have cloven the text even to the very lungs : that ( all ) which first was spoken of six score , is here meant of the only twelve , no more . nor mary is not named now , as than : what need i then believe it , holy man ? on with your spectacles , sir john , and read , and credit this as a point of your creed : the holy ghost could fall upon no more then he was promised unto before . doubtless he took not a blind-folded flight , like fyled larks , not knowing where to light . now he was promis'd only to the twelve , look on the text , sir john , and judge your selve . speak man , and be not silent : i am sorie , to see you ignorant of such a storie . and as the stories in themselves are divers , flowing and falling into sundrie rivers ; in divers chapters so they stand divided , so that the case may clearly be decided . for when these six score was at first conveened , there was another mysterie then meaned ; to wit , matthias free election , and so saint peter gave direction , that ( all ) the six score there should bear record of their proceedings then before the lord : the choosing of a pastor was in hand , which if the church allow not , cannot stand : and so matthias , through the power of heaven , by lot was held as one of the eleven . then sayes the text , all these were still together : what all these were , let any man consider . the twelve , say i , in the last verse before ; and not make leap-year of eleven verse more , to draw all back to these hundred and twentie : indeed this way we should have tongues in plenty : and as they differ by twelve verse or lines , so are they ten dayes different in times : the first upon the day when christ ascended , the other when the holy ghost descended : such glazen arguments will bide no hammer , for they are but ill logick , and worse grammer . so only twelve receiv'd the holy ghost , and so our ladie all her tongues hath lost . now for the holy ghost it 's truly tryed , his coming down is unto no law tyed , sometimes invisible , and sometimes seen , as diversly at divers times hath been . his coming needs but to be seen offew , his works may serve for witnesses anew ; and so saint paul himself i understand , but privatly by ananias hand . and so , sir john , to show you all my pack , and let you see my breast as well as back ; i wonder ye consider not the end , why god the holy ghost in tongues did send : know ye not , tongues were only given for teaching ? know ye not , women are forbidden preaching ? yea scarce at home have liberty of speach , but ask their husbands , and they for to teach . since women then in gods word may not walk , what should they do with tōgues that may not talk ? and then , sir john , what worship do ye win , unto our ladie , when ye bring her in iack-fellow-like with other whole six score , who got the holy ghost , and she no more ? and where the pope hath made her queen of heavē ye make her but like one of the eleven : surely , sir john , this is an ill favour'd fitching ; ye thrust her from the hall down to the kitching and this is also one of the rare themes , held by your reverend iesuits of rhemes ; that latine came not with the holy ghost , when the cloven tongues came at the pentecost . now , if it came not by the holy ghost , whence is this holyness whereof ye boast , that in it onlie , and none other tongue , both mass and matines must be said and sung ▪ your last refuge will be unto the pope : so knit up altogether in one rope . then , good sir john , consider but a little , how ye gave unto marie many a tittle . whereof ye have no warrand in the word ; and yet pursue us both with fire and sword , as hereticks , for not doing as ye do : yet what the word bids , and no more , that we do . think ye that any man can be so mad . as to hold christ his savior ; and so bad , as to hold marie for his saviors mother , and not to love her still above all other ? we love her then , though we believe not in her . nor by will-worship think we for to win her . we hold her blessed , for christs flesh conceiving . but far more blessed , for christs faith receiving : she is his mother , and the church his wife ▪ which was to him more dearer then his life . so , if the one could fall out with the other , he would respect his wife , more then his mother : for this is every spouses carriage , but most in this spiritual marriage . and as she 's mother of his humane life . she 's but a daughter of his heavenly wife ▪ and by his mother , member of christs body : who thinks not so , is but a very noddy . all this , sir john , i do but briefly say . to let you see , that ye play us foul play . priest. well , pack-man , though thou bear about that trunk . 〈◊〉 fear thou be but some foreloppin monk. of luthers lore , or crooked calvins crew . and sent abroad , such business to brew : transformed in the person of some pedler . pack-man . now , good sir john , in faith i am no medler , nor have i mind , nor means so high to mount ▪ 〈◊〉 can but read a little , and lay a count , and seek my meat through many an unknown maison . 〈◊〉 know not what ye call your kyrie-laison : ●o help me god , sir john , i know no better , nor in your latine can i read one letter . i but believe in god , and sometimes say , christ help me , when i wander out the way . priest. r. s. i pray thee , pack-man , this much for to tell me , since thou presumes so far for to excell me . were 't not a very reasonable thing : if one were going to an earthly king , to get forgiveness for some great transgression , that he should shortly sute the intercession of some great favorite , and he for to pass to purchase pardon for his high trespass ; and not the guilty person to proceed presumptuously before the king to plead ; but use his moyen by his highness minion . pack-man . sir john , that motion is not worth an onion . what if the king shal hear the poor mans sute , should he stand silent , as if he were mute ? no : he should prostrate , lay his fault before him , and he himself for pity should implore him : for intercessors ofttimes lurks and lingers , except the pleaders largely fill their fingers . there is a proverb in the scottish lawes , a man , a lyon is , in his own cause . though great abuses be in earthly things , we must not so abuse the king of kings . such idle tales my mind doth much molest . priest. i pray thee , pack-man , hear me out the rest : and so this present purpose to conclude , would ye think any man should be that rude , to pray to god , without saints mediation ? it would be thought a great abomination : the heavens such hainous pride hath ay abhor'd , so proudly to compear before the lord. such great presumption god will surely punish ; that 's not the way his fault for to diminish ; he must implore our blessed ladies aide , then she should show her son what he hath said , and so command him go unto his father , that for his sute some comfort he may gather : or else he must employ some saint or angel. pack-man . such words i find not in the evangel . surely , sir john , such sayings are but idle : such blasphemy is not in all the bible : to trust your words , or pauls , now tel me whether ? priest. reject them , if they jump not just together . pack-man . and so i shal : for i can let you see in pauls epistle unto timothie . he plainly sayes , there is one god , and than , one mediator between god and man. this same is he , which is the man christ jesus , and he from death to life can only raise us : since he redeem'd us , as our elder brother . pray as ye please , i 'll never seek another . r. i. s. and so what e're i have , what e're i want , i neither pray to he , nor to she saint . and as for tongues , i have but one , no more ; and wit ye well , albeit i had ten score , i would use all conform to pauls commanding , pray with my tongue , pray with my understanding . think ye these twelve , when they receiv'd these tongues , did talk like parrets , or like barrel bungs , yeelding a sound , not knowing what they said ; idle in preaching , idler when they pray'd ? no : each of them knew well what he did say ▪ and why not we , sir john , as well as they ? for since all men have one tongue at command . should we seek tongues we do not understand ? alace , sir john , had i been train'd at school , as i am but a simple ignorant fool , an hundred questions more i might have moved ; but here i cease , fearing to be reproved : for these few doubts i learn'd in diverse places , thinking the clergy-men would clear all cases . priest. now , pack-man , i confess thou puts me to it , but one thing i will tell thee , if thou 'lt do it ; thou shalt come to our holy prior , pack-man , and he , perhaps , will buy all on thy back , man ; and teach thee better how to pray then any , for such an holy man there are not many . be here to morrow , just 'tween six and seven , and thou wilt find thy self half way to heaven . pack-man . content , quoth i , but there is something more , i must have your opinion in before . in case the holy prior have no leasure , to speak of every purpose at our pleasure : there was but one tongue at the birth of abel , and many at the building up of babel : a wicked work which god would have confoūded , but when christ came all tongues again resounded , to build his church by his apostles teaching , why not in praying , as well as in preaching ? since prayer is the true and full perfection of holy service : saving your correction : so if our lord to mine own tongue be ready , what need i then with latine trouble our lady ? or if both these my prayers must be in , i pray thee , tell me at whom to begin ? and to pray joyntly to them both as one , your latine prayers then are quickly gone : for pater noster never will accord with her , nor ave mary with our lord. if i get him , what need i seek another ? or dare he do nothing without his mother ? and this , sir john , was once in question , disputed long with deep digestion , whether the pater noster should be said to god , or to our ladie , when they pray'd ? when master mare of learn'd diversitie , was rector of our university : they sate so long , they cooled all their kail , until the master cook heard of the tale , who like a mad-man ran amongst the clergie , crying with many a domine me asperge : to give the pater noster to the father , and to our ladie give the avees rather ; and like a welsh-man swore a great saint davies , she might content her well with creeds & avees : and so the clergie fearing more confusion , were all contented with the cooks conclusion . priest. pack-man , this tale is coyned of the new . pack-man . sir john , i 'll quyte the pack , if 't be not true . again , sir john , ye learned monks may read . how christ himself taught us of his own head , that every soul that was with sin opprest , should come to him , and he would give them rest . come all to me , saith he , not to another . come all to me , saith he , not to my mother ▪ and if i do all as christ did command it , i hope her ladiship will not withstand it . and so , sir john , if i should speak in latine unto the lord , at even-song and at matine , and never understand what i were saying , think ye the lord would take this for true praying ? no : that ye cannot ; for ye may consider , my tongue and heart should pray to god together . and hereupon ye shal hear what befell to certain clerks , that latine well could spell : with whom , by chance , i lodged at an inne , where an old wife upon a rock did spin : and towards evening she fell to and pray'd , but neither they , nor i , knew what she said . one said , the carling counterfeits the canting . another said , it 's but the matrons manting . some call'd it gibbers , others call'd it clavers , but still the carling speaks , and spins , and slavers . now good sir john , what think ye of this hussie ? where was her heart , when her hands were so busie ? in end , one said , dame , wot ye what ye say ? no , not , saith she , but well i wot i pray . ye pray , said he , and wots not what ? i grant . alace , how can ye be so ignorant ? the matrone musing little at the motion , said , ignorance is mother of devotion . then dame , said he , if ignorance be the mother , darkness must be the daughter , and none other . pray'd ye , said he , when all the time ye span ? what reck of that ? said she , god's a good man , and understands all that i say in latine , and this i do at even-song and at matine . alace , sir john , was not this wife abused , whose soul and senses all were so confused ? ye know these unknown tōgues can profit no man ▪ and one tongue is enough for any woman . but when one prayes in true sincerity . as god commands , in sprit and verity ; the heart sends up the tongue as messenger unto the lord a pleasant passenger . priest. but pack-man , here 's a prettie little book , wherein if thou wilt listen for to look , set out by a true catholick divine , and out of doubt will settle thine ingine . faith , read it , pack-man , for it is but little . the gadge of the new gospel is it's tittle . he clearly proves by zacharies example , when he did sacrifice within the temple , and all the people stood and pray'd without , they knew not then what tongue he spak , no doubt : ergo the mass may both be said and sung in other language then the mother tongue . pack-man . sir john , i see your holy catholick , upon the truth , hath put a pretty trick . have ye not heard this proverb oftimes sounded , homo qui malè audit malè rounded ? so if the people heard not what he said , how could they know in what language he prayd ? since understanding cometh by the ear , he cannot understand that doth not hear . or how proves this that zacharie the priest spake latine , then the language of the beast ? were liturgies under the law , but so in such a tongue that all the jews did know ? what e'er he spake , himself sure understood it : and so your catholick did ill conclude it : because a learned priest may pray in latine , and mumble o'er his even-song , mass and matine . ergo a pack-man to the lord may pray , and never know a syllabe he doth say : for when you put me to my pater noster , i seek an egge , and ye give me an oster . and so , sir john , i have given you a wadge , that 's good enough for your new gospel gadge . last , since we say that god is good to speak to . who will both hear our text , and hear our eke to : what if he answer me in the latine tongue wherein i pray , and wherein mass is sung ? i must say , lord , i wot not what thou sayest . and hee 'l say , fool , thou wots not what thou prayest . even , lord , say i , as good sir john did teach me . sir john , saith he , a priest unmeet to preach me . or in your mishent mouths once for to name me : with different tongues and hearts , such jock , such jamie . for though i know mo tongues then ye can tell , false knaves , should ye not understand your sell ? gave i not you a tongue as well as heart , that both to me should play an a-fold part ? but like two double devils ye have dissembled . at this sir john , he quaked , and he trembled , and said , good pack-man , thou art so quick witted , unto the prior all must be remitted . and so the pack-man past unto his lodging . having within his heart great grief and grudging : sometimes he doubted if the monks were men , or monsters , for his life he could not ken : he said , sir john was a fair fat fed ox. sometimes he said , he looked like john knox. but knox was better verst into the bible , a studie that sir john held very idle : they dyve not deep into divinity . and trouble them little with the trinity . and are more learned in the legendarie , in lives of saints , and of the lady marie : the only idole they embrace and kiss a , is to prove servants unto mistress missa . with such conceats the pack-man past the night ▪ with little sleep , until it was day light . and by the peep of day he early rose , and trim'd him finely in his holy-days hose : and to sir johns own chamber straight he went , who was attending : so with one assent , they hyed them to the prior both in haste , to whom sir john began to give a taste of all the questions that had past amongst them . he call'd them hereticks both , and vow'd to hang them . with that the pack-man hurled through the closter , and there he met with an ill favour'd foster ; who quickly twind him , and all on his back : and then he learn'd to pray , shame fall the pack : for if they have not ●red me of my sin , they sent me lighter out then i came in . and still he cry'd , shame fall both monks and fryars : for i have lost my pack , and learn'd no prayers . so farewell ave , creed , and pater noster : i 'le pray'n my mother tongue , and quite the closter . finis . notes, typically marginal, from the original text notes for div a -e alexan. sempil .