The dignity and duty of a married state in a sermon preach'd at the celebration of a marriage in the English Episcopal Church at Amsterdam / by John Cockburn. Cockburn, John, 1652-1729. 1697 Approx. 33 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 10 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2005-10 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A33544 Wing C4806 ESTC R29616 11179681 ocm 11179681 46572 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A33544) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 46572) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1438:8) The dignity and duty of a married state in a sermon preach'd at the celebration of a marriage in the English Episcopal Church at Amsterdam / by John Cockburn. Cockburn, John, 1652-1729. The second edition. 16 p. Printed and sold by H. Hills ..., London : [1697] Imprint date suggested by Wing ; a 1708 imprint date is suggested in NUC pre-1956 imprints. Reproduction of the original in the Harvard University Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Marriage -- Sermons. Sermons, English -- 17th century. 2003-06 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-06 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-02 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2005-02 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2005-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE Dignity and Duty of a Married State. IN A SERMON Preach'd at the CELEBRATION OF A MARRIAGE , IN THE English Episcopal Church at Amsterdam . HBBR . xiii . iv . Marriage is honourable in all . By JOHN COCKBURN , D. D. The Second Edition . LONDON : Printed and Sold by H. Hills , in Black-Friars , near the Water-side . For the Benefit of the Poor . THE PREFACE . IT is not usual to send single Sermons abroad ; without the Recommendation of a publick Command ; nor is it customary to preach at a Marriage , which was the Occasion of the following Sermon . But as ther● is no Law nor Reason to hinder the one ▪ so it would seem that th● other 〈◊〉 been formerly done , and still our Liturgy supposes that it may and will be done : For the Exhortation after Marriage , is appointed to be used only in case there should be no Sermon on the Subject . Having obtain'd from the most Venerable Burgomasters of Amsterdam , amongst other Privileges , that of Marrying according to the Manner prescribed by our Church ▪ I judged my self obliged to preach on the first occasion of doing so . Here is the Discourse I then had , and I yield to the desire of publishing it , for the same Reasons I first preach'd it ; that I may give my small help towards retrieving the Honour of Marriage , which has been so often burlesqu'd , and run down by the Licenciousness of the Stage . The Impious Railleries and profane Witticisms which have been uttered about this matter , are regarded as Maxims of undoubted Truth ; those are laughed at who make Marriage their Choice , as they are pity'd who are under any necessity of engaging into it . This Mockery and Contempt of Marriage , as it is most prejudicial to the Civil State ; so it has contributed very much to the growth of Atheism : for it has encouraged those unlawful Liberties , which are taken both in and without Wedlock , which cannot be defended otherwise than by denying a God , or the Authority of Sacred Scripture ▪ When Men are byasi'd , weak Arguments prevail , and any thing is readily received which flatters their Lusts and vicious Inclinations . Debauchees think it their Interest that there be no God , that Religion be discarded , and so are easily drawn to deny and disown them . And for this cause it is necessary , as to maintain the Foundation of Religion , so to vindicate its holy Institutions from the blasphemous Aspersions cast upon them ; which beget a Prejudice both against them and all Religion in general . I have not that Opinion of my-self , or of my performances , as to think that they alone can stop the Mouths of Gainsayers : I only desire to shew my Good-will , and offer my Endeavours . It is not absolutely necessary that all of an Army be Heroes , a Victory may be , and is often forwarded by many who cannot pretend to that Character . I have not said all that might ; but what is said , is certain and evident : Yet I should not be surpris'd if the Truth of it be not admitted ; nay , if many entertain our Attempt with Scorn . The Corruption of this Age is too deeply rooted , to be plucked up at the very first : But , Whether they will hear , or whether they forbear , they should know , that there have have been Prophets among them ▪ HEBREWS xiii . 4. Marriage is Honourable in all . MARRIAGE being Common and Ordinary , a Discourse about it may be thought needless , and to some unpleasing ; but I do judge it neither needless nor improper . For it fares with Marriage as with most things common and ordinary , that tho' in themselves very valuable , yet they are but little regarded ; so that the Generality are not sensible of the Good of them , nor yet suitably thankful for the Benefit of them . Wherefore I shall lay hold on the present Occasion to discourse of this Subject , which however common and ordinary , I believe not well understood ; the Dignity and Importance of which are set forth in the words of St. Paul I have now read . In the Original , it is only Marriage honourable in , with or among all : so that something must be supply'd to make the Sense clear and perfect , wherefore some render it by way of an Affirmative Proposition , as in our Translation , whereby the Dignity of Marriage is asserted ; others turn it into a Precept , requiring all to hold Matrimony honourable , as if it should be , Let Marriage be honourable . It is not material whether it be taken the one or the other way ; for if it be a Duty to hold Marriage honourable , then it is so , because it is in it self honourable ; and if marriage be by Nature , or by Virtue of its Ends and Uses honourable , then it is the Duty of all to honour it , and to have it in great Esteem : So whether the Text be an Affirmative Proposition or a Precept , it establisheth the Dignity and Importance of Marriage ; for whatever is or should be esteem'd honourable , must be suppos'd excellent in its Nature , and important in its Effects and Consequences . In handling this matter , I shall do Two Things : First , I shall give some Reasons why Marriage should be had in great Honour and Esteem . Secondly , I shall shew what is incumbent on those who enter into this state of Life , that they may reap the Good , Benefit , and Comfort of it . 1. First , Of the Reasons why Marriage should be had in great Honour and Esteem . To mention all , and to enlarge upon them , would take up too much time ; therefore I shall only name some . And first , Marriage should be held honourable , because it is an ancient and universal Custom . Antiquity is venerable , and it is both just and usual , to regard with Veneration those Things that are of long standing . Indeed Time doth not change the Nature of Things , nor can it make that which is evil ever to be good ; but both good and innocent Things are deservedly more respected , as they are the older : Now marriage is as ancient as any thing can be . 'T was from the beginning , and commenc'd with Mankind it self . If the Calculation of some may be believ'd , Man was married on the very day he was made , and when he was but some few hours old : And what was so early begun , has ever since continued . Whithersoever Men Transported themselves , they carried the Custom ; so that there never was any Nation or People which did not observe it . The most Barbarous do not live like Beasts promiscuously ; and even where unlawful Liberties were common and allowed , yet Marriage was preferr'd , and accounted honourable . Where-ever Knowledge , Policy and good Government took place , and were cultivated , Marriage was distinguish'd with particular marks of Honour . Among the Romans ; married Persons had divers Privileges above others , until the days of Constantine , who abolish'd those Laws , to gratifie some who betook themselves to a Celibate State , from a mistaken Notion which then prevail'd , that it was more proper for the Exercise of Religion , which was the Beginning of that Corruption and Apostacy , foretold by the Apostle , 1 Tim. iv . 1. The Lacedemonians held marriage so proper and necessary , and them who despis'd it so unreasonable and dangerous , that they appointed a Fine both for them who married not at all , and for them who were late or long a marrying . How honourable Marriage was , is evident from the Solemnities every where used at the entring into it ; for this was and is a publick Declaration that it was an honourable State , and that they were worthy of Honour who enter'd into it . Hence came the Saying , That every one had Three Days of chief Honour ; the Day of one's Birth , the Day of Marriage , and the Day of Death or Burying . 2. But , Secondly : Christians have a better Precedent for honouring Marriage , than the Example of Men and Nations . We have the Example of Christ , the Eternal Son of God , whose Example outweighs the Authority and Practice of all others in the World. Indeed he Himself did not marry , nor could He , because a marriage with any single Person on Earth could not suit with his Dignity , nor the end of his Coming to the World : But he would be born of a Woman , join'd in lawful Wedlock ; and He gave the first Manifestation of his Glory at a marriage in Cana of Galilee , where he turned Water into Wine ; not for the simple Ostentation of his own Power , but also to contribute to that innocent Joy , which was suitable to that Occasion . This He would not have done , if marriage was either unlawful or trivial , and not worthy of all Honour . And as his shewing Himself thus first at a Marriage , was not Accidental or Occasional , but Choice ; so he chose to do it , that he might set forth the Honourableness of this State ; foreseeing that some false Spirits would arise to discredit and disparage marriage : And certainly , whoever speak against it , whoever represent it as unlawful , or as mean and unbecoming a good or wise Man , or the aim or study of Perfection ; I say , whoever do so , do thereby shew that they are not of God. For , 3. Thirdly : Marriage is a Divine Institution . God is the Author of it . 'T was no Invention of Man ; nor were they led into it by Policy , Necessity or Experience , as into many other common Customs , but God himself from the Beginning did ordain it . He at the first made Man male and female , and joined them together , that the two might become one Fl●sh , for an Example to others that should follow . He commanded and ordained them to multiply and bring forth their Kind ; but only in the State of Wedlock , and by the Imitation of that Example which he had set them in the first Man and Woman . If therefore all Divine Ordinances and Institutions should be honoured for God's sake , so should marriage ; nor can any speak dishonourably of it , without blaspheming God , and reflecting on either his Authority or Wisdom . 4. Fourthly : The time when marriage was instituted , adds to the Honour of it . This was before the Fall , in the State of Innocence , while Man was in his Uprightness , as he came from the Hands of God ; which proves Marriage to be suitable to the greatest Perfection and Purity of this present Life . It came not as a Remedy to After-Corruption ; 't was not prescribed to avoid greater Inconveniencies , but the Wisdom of God saw it agreeable to a Paradise , to the purest and most perfect Condition of humane Life : Therefore they talk falsly who make this State inconsistent with Religion ; and they are weak and ignorant Persons , who pretend that it is a clog or hindrance to their Virtue and Devotion ; yea , even to the Perfection of them . Indeed we read of some , who when they were called to the Divine Feast , excused themselves because they were married : I have married a Wife , and cannot come ; but this was only a Pretext to cover their Aversion and Unwillingness , for if they had valued the mercy of the Call , and been willing to embrace it , their marriage needed not to have hindred them , they would have come and brought their Wives with them . Turn over the History of all the Celibates from the beginning , can any be shewed more just and upright than Noah , more constant in his Faith and Obedience than Abraham , more holy and devout than Job ? and yet they , as all the other Scripture Worthies , were married , and some of them but very indifferently too . Indeed there are Temptations and Incumbrances in a married State , and so there are in a single Life . God may be served in the one as well as the other ; and who excuse themselves on the account of either , do but declare that they have not a real mind to it . Finally , Marriage ought to be held most honourable , for the important End of it , and the good Effects which were intended by it , and which will follow those who seek and study them aright . When God had finished the Creation , He viewed all his Works , and saw them all very good : Now Woman was included in these Works , therefore she also was found good , and consequently marriage is very good and useful ; for the Woman was created for that end . As all God's Works are good , so are all his Ordinances and Institutions , and particularly this of Marriage . Therefore , saith Solomon , Whosever findeth a Wife , findeth a good thing , and obtaineth favour of the Lord ; meaning , as he explains himself in other places , a prudent , virtuous Wife ; one that deserves that Honour , and answers the Character suitable to it . God by ordaining marriage , intended the Good both of private Persons and the Publick ; because it was most agreeable to our Nature , and did naturally tend to further the Happiness of all in this present Life . Indeed marriage is a Yoke , which once taken on , cannot be put off till Death ; or that which is worse than Death , I mean the heinous Sin and Guilt of one or other of the Parties : but it is a profitable Yoke , and it may be made easie too , if Persons have the Understanding to use it aright . I. First , Marriage bringeth great Advantage to private Persons , by securing them of a constant , intimate and familiar Friend . Society and Friendship are the Life of Life . Nothing is more agreeable to our Nature , nothing more desirable . It is as natural for Man to crave them , as for the Sparks to fly upward . Hence Aristotle observed , that what delighted in solitariness , must be either above or below a Man ; that is , either a God or a Beast : A God , because Self-sufficient ; or a Beast , without Sense or Understanding , and so unable to communicate it self , as insensible of the Benefit of mutual Communication : But as most Beasts , except the Savage Kind , even love to herd together ; so if this Philsopher had had that Light of Revelation which we are bless'd with , he would have found that the Godhead is not solitary , though Unity be one of its Essential Attributes . Our Religion shews us Three Persons in the Godhead , which are one in Nature , and intimately united both in their Counsels and in the Execution of them , which makes the Felicity of the Godhead equal to the Perfection of its Nature , both of them Incomprehensible and Infinite . The more Noble any Being is , the more it affects Society and Fellowship . Because God is infinitely good , He created other Beings to partake of Himself , and by that participation to declare his Glory . Man was made after the Image of God , and consequently it must be natural to Man to seek the Fellowship of others that are after his own likeness . When God made Man an consider'd him , He saw 't was not good for him to be alone , and for that cause proceeded to make Woman , to be a Help meet for Man. The Dominion of the World and over all Creatures , would not have given unto Man full Satisfaction , if he had been left alone without such a Companion . Let outward Circumstances be never so good , there is but half Contentment without a Friend and Copartner . 'T is true , there is and may be a dear , a sweet and intimate Friendship between one Man and another , but the Pleasure and Benefit of such a Friendship cannot be always enjoy'd . Duty and Interest often separate them , whereas marriage , by these very Ties of Duty and Interest , makes one sure of a faithful , loving and inseparable Friend at all Times , and in all Circumstances , whether better or worse . A Man must leave Father and Mother , and cleave to his Wife , and so must the Wife do to her Husband . Besides , God has so framed the Nature of Woman , and given her such particular Endowments , as render her Conversation more grateful and agreeable . The Friendship of a Man may chance to be more instructive , and may sometimes have the preference for Counsel and Advice ; but a good Woman has more Charms to divert the Fancy , to ease the Spirit , and to alleviate the Mind . It is a true and notable Saying of the Son of Syrach , Eccles. xl . 23. A Friend and Companion never meet amiss ; but above both is a Wife with her Husband . The Sweetness and Delicacy of her Temper is proper to file off that Roughness , which is ready to grow upon the Nature of Man. Therefore commonly single Persons are more morose and surly , and less conversible , than those who are well married especially if naturally peevish and melancholly ; for these grow upon Men by the lonesomness of a single Life . Indeed an ill Woman frets the Spirit and crushes the Mind ; but an excellent Wife is to her Husband as David's Harp to Saul , she charms away the evil Spirit of Melancholy , which is apt to seize men by the Vexation of Business , the Incumbrances of Affairs , and the Impertinencies of the World. Again : Marriage is of great Advantage to private Persons , because of the mutual help which they give to each other : God did not intend that the Woman should be a Clog , or Burden , or Incumbrance to a Man ; He did not ordain her to live idlely or sumptuously on the Sweat of his Face ; but he made her to be a Help unto him ; that is , to be both a Companion and Assistant , to partake of his Labours , to bear half of his Burden , as well as to share of his Happiness . He that has a prudent Wife , has double the Hands , the Eyes , the Ears and the Feet of a single Person . He can be at Home and Abroad at once ; She can manage the Affairs of the House , while he is transacting Business Abroad ; and so is in a better way of Thriving , of promoting the end of Life , and of providing for the Necessities and Comforts of it . Some may think that all this may be as well done by Servants ; but a little Reflection on Experience shew it a mistake , for though great Wages may make a Servant faithful , they cannot give that Concernment which a Wife hath . Wherefore the wise Author I last quoted , saith , Blessed is the Man that hath a virtuous Wife , for the number of his Days shall bedouble . A virtuous Woman rejoyceth her Husband , and he shall fulfil the Years of his Life in peace . A good Wife is a good portion , which shall be given in the portion of them that fear the Lord. The Grace of a Wife delighteth her Husband , and her Discretion will fat his Bones . A silent and loving Woman is a gift of the Lord , and there is nothing so much worth to a mind well instructed . A modest and faithful Woman is a double Grace , and her continent mind cannot be valued . As the Sun when it riseth in the high Heaven , so is the Beauty of a Wife in the ordering of her House . Again he saith , The Beauty of a Woman cheareth the Countenance , and a Man loveth nothing better ; if there be kindness , meekness and comfort in her Tongue , then is not her Husband like other Men. He that getteth a Wife , beginneth a possession , a help like unto himself , and a pillar of Rest. Eccles. xxvi . and xxxvii . Thus private Persons have great Advantage by marriage . In the next place , the Publick receiveth no less Profit by it . For by this means Children are multiplied , and the People increased ; which is the Strength , Security and Glory of a State. Unlawful Liberties without Wedlock , add little to the Increase of People ; nor even in those Countries where pluralities of Wives are allowed , is it common and usual to have so many Children , as with us by one Man and one Woman . So marriage , according to its first Institution is more for the multiplication of Mankind , than any other way . And as it tendeth to the Increase of People , which is for the good of the Publick , so it is the best Security of a good Education to them that are born , which is no less for the publick Good. If Children were not taken care of , they could not live to be Men ; and if they were not well educated and train'd up to some Art or Profession , they would be of little use when grown up ; both which would be very much neglected , if Children were not born as now in lawful Wedlock . Women perhaps might have some regard to the Fruit of their Womb , but Men would take little thought of those , whom they knew not whether they were their own . But as it is now , Parents love their Children , and lay themselves out to provide for them , to educate them well , and to make them happy ; all which turneth to the Advantage of the Publick . It was very inadvertently said of a * Great Man , That Wives and Children were Impediments to great Enterprises of either Virtue or Mischief , and that the best Works , and of greatest Merit to the Publick , were perform'd by unmarried or Childless Men : For the very contrary may be proved from History . And who can be thought more concerned for the Publick , than they who are to leave with it their Darlings , and the Pledges of their Affection ? Commonly single Persons look no further than their own Times , but those who are married , extend their Thoughts and Care to Posterity . Nor are they who are married and have Children , more obnoxious to Bribery , and perverting of publick Justice ; for a Servant may be worse than a Wife , and do often abuse the Master's Ear more . Nor are Wife and Children a hindrance to Charitable Works ; which is one pretended Reason why marriage is forbidden the Clergy in the Church of Rome ; for Covetousness and Selfishness prevail among them that are not married , as much as with those that are . There are as many of the one as of the other , stingy , narrow-soul'd , and hard-hearted , both to themselves and others , neither given to good Works . Indeed , those that have no Children should give more as they are more able ; but those that have Children , have yet a greater Obligation to be Charitable , even that they may secure a Blessing to their Children , which may and will be more steadable , than a visible Inheritance , which often slippeth away : For , saith David , I have been young and now am old , yet have I not seen the Righteous , that is , the merciful Man , forsaken , not his Seed begging Bread ; he is ever merciful and lendeth , and his Seed is blessed , Psal. xxxvii . 25. Thus you see , that there are a great many Reasons , why marriage should be honourable among all , as is asserted or injoin'd in the Text. I proceed to II. The other Thing proposed ; which is to shew , What is Incumbent on those who enter a married State , to the end that they may reap the Good , Benefit and Comfort of it . This is important and necessary , but very little considered ; and that is the reason why those Advantages of Marriage are not so common . Marriage is not a Physical but a Moral Cause of them , they follow not joining of Hands necessarily , as the Fire burneth ; or as Meat nourisheth , which happens whether we think of them or not : But how good soever a married State be , the Benefit and Comfort of it depend on the wise Behaviour of those who enter into it . If they remember their Obligation , and study their Duty , they shall be happy ; but otherwise , both Shame and Misery will attend them . There are indeed many unhappy Marriages in the World ; there are very many rendred miserable by coming into this State of Life , but it is their own Fault , because they engag'd unadvisedly , nor mind what such Engagements require of them . They run into this state for some present Satisfaction or Advantage ; and having got that , they become uneasie with the perpetual Tie . They do not consider the Necessity of yielding to one another ; but as before , they continue altogether Selfish and Humoursom , craving to be pleased , but are at no pains to please those they are joined with . Such were mad to marry ; and by marrying , they have entail'd both Guilt and Misery on themselves for Life . The Man or Woman that marries , must resolve to deny themselves , to put off at least something of their own Humour , and to put on a ready Complaisance with others ; otherwise they can never be happy : They must resolve by all means to seek to please and gratifie , tho with some restraint on their personal Inclinations and Constitutions . Nor on this Account should marriage be reckon'd a Slavery ; for this is no more than what common Conversation , and the engaging into any Society oblige one to : He should be debarred all Company , and excluded all Society , that requires every body to humour and yield to him , without suitable returns ; they do not understand either Honour , Liberty , or reasonable Satisfaction , who are uneasie with the Obligation of pleasing and gratifying others . Certainly a Noble Soul and a generous Mind , will take more delight in the Occasions and Opportunities of doing a Pleasure to others , than in the Services paid to themselves . Man and Wife may reason together , but should never scold and rail , nor use contemptuous Speeches . Persons have often occasion of being angry with themselves , and so there may happen just Occasions for both Man and Wife their shewing some displeasure with each other ; but it can never be just to do it , to the breach of Peace and Love. They must not divide and quarrel , however they may reason , except in cases where true Honour , Conscience ▪ Religion , and the Cause of God do interpose . God must be pleased above all , He must be preferr'd to Husband or Wife ; but if nothing be requir'd which displeaseth God , any thing should be done , rather than suffer a Breach ; for better any Inconvenience than that . Husband and Wife should endeavour all that is possible to make one another easie , by mutual pleasing : This is both their Duty and their Interest ; for it is one end of the Institution . They are neither wise nor virtuous , who contend and ●ar for small and trivial Things , and commonly the Ruptures betwixt married Persons , are only for such Things : For the generality of Mankind let their Passions master their Reason , and are so foolishly fond of their Humours , as for them to quit their Interest . There is a most remarkable Instance of this in the History of Peru ; which shews the extravagancy and mischief of Humour and Passion , when not curbed . There was one by the misfortune of Shipwreck cast upon a barren desolate Rock , where there was neither Man nor Beast , nor shelter against Wind or Weather : In this miserable place he lived two Years ; and then Providence sent thither in the like manner another . The Comfort of a Companion was certainly most valuable , and the only mitigation of that miserable Condition . If they had united heartily , there might be some abatement of it ; but they soon quarrel'd for some small matter , and their Difference grew to that height , that they parted , and lived at the distance of the Rock from one another ▪ neither , for the space of Seven Years , if I can remember right , spoke together , or saw one another : So , out of crossness of Humour , they derpived themselves of the Comfort and Advantage which Conversation and mutual Concurrence and Assistance might have given ▪ This is a Parallel of that Man and Woman , who through Providence are tied for Life by the Bond of marriage , but so little wise for themselves ; that rather than forego their peevish and pettish Humours ; they chuse to throw up their Comforts , and to make their Condition more miserable . As the studying to please to the utmost is incumbent on married Persons , so for this Cause Love is required and absolutely necessary . It is hard to study to please those who are not well liked . Where there is Love , there is a forwardness to please ; but if Love be wanting , it is shifted or awkardly perform'd ; therefore they who enter a married State should be brought into it by Love. Love should be the principal motive that brings them together ; and while they are togegether , it should be their Care to cultivate and improve it , If Love be wanting , they will be a grief and a burden to each other ; but if Love abound , they have all Joy and Contentment . Where there is Love , they part with Reluctancy , and meet with Pleasure ; their Hearts burn with Desires when absent , and if present they live joyfully together , as Solomon injoins . Love will keep the Woman from gadding Abroad , and 't will make the Man impatient to come home . St. Paul saith , That Love is the fulfilling of the Law , concerning our Neighbour ; and so it may be said of the Duties of Marriage . Love both teaches them , and prompts to the Observance of them : For all that is injoin'd Husband and Wife , are only proper Expressions and Declarations of true Love. He that loveth his Wife , will be far from abusing her , or treating her roughly ; he will honour her himself , and endeavour to have her honour'd by others : He will deal tenderly by her , and cherish her to the utmost of his power ; he will not deny her the Satisfactions that are reasonable and in his power , but will be active and industrious to provide for her . And if the Man do this , the Woman must be unnatural , if she be not gained by it . The Wife must love too ; and if she love , nothing injoined will be grievous . Obedience which sounds so hard and so harsh to self-willed and unthinking Woman , will not be unpleasant to her that loves : For Love is obsequious and observant , and is glad of the Occasions and Opportunities of testifying it . The Obedience of the Wife is indispensible ; but if there be Love , it will not be complain'd of . By exacting Obedience , the Wife is not so hardly dealt with ; for it is easier to obey than to command aright , and the Praise of Obedience may be due , where there is no Honour in Commanding . It is an express and often repeated Command of God , that the Woman be obedient , and it becomes her to be so , even where the Man does not personally deserve it ; and then she shews her regard for God , which is her Praise ; and for which she shall be surely rewarded . Finally : To ensure and compleat the Happiness of a married State , both Husband and Wife must with all care mind Religion , and keep up the Fear of God between them . This is the surest way to prevent Miscarriages ; to secure against all Ruptures , and to engage to the right and serious performance of all Things proper and necessary , to promote the Peace and Happiness of this State. Religion makes all Things sure ; it ties the Knot harder , and makes both willing to bear the Yoke . If the true Fear of God possess the Heart of Man and Wife , neither of them shall go astray , nor be liable to the Rack of Jealousie : No uneasie Suspicions shall disturb their Breasts . They will not provoke , but cherish one another . They will be studious to please when out of Sight , as well as in it ; and whether absent or present , will be equally Faithful . Where the true Fear of God is , there will be no occasion for Exhortations and Persuasions , for each will be forward to all Duty . If Persons understood it , true Piety has the greatest Charms , nor do they fade with Age. And the greatest Contentment may be expected from a Religious Husband , and a Pious Wife . This is more to be valued , than all those Things which are now the common Motives to Marriage . This is better than Houses or Possessions , than Bags of Money , or Tuns of Gold. Favour , saith Solomon , is deceitful , and Beauty is vain ; but a Woman that feareth the Lord , she shall be praised , Prov. xxxi . 30. Besides , the Fear of God bringeth his Blessing , which contributes more to Peace and Happiness , than all our own Endeavours , or any outward or visible Means . Except the Lord build the House , they labour in vain that build it . And as He buildeth the House , so He maketh them that are in it to be of one Mind . All Blessings are promised to them that fear the Lord , and particularly those of a married State , as you may see Psal. cxxxi . Thus I have run through the Chief Things incumbent on Man and Wife , that they may reap the Good and Comfort of a married State. pray God that all concern'd may remember , consider and observe these Things , which would make the Church Glorious , the State Prosperous , and increase the Peace of Families : This would make the present Generation happy , and would draw down and entail a Blessing on Posterity . Now unto God , who is the Author of all Good , the Father , Son and Holy Ghost , be all Glory , Honour and Praise , now and for ever . Amen . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A33544-e370 Prov. 18. 22. * Lord Bacon , in his Essays .