A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. 1613 Approx. 97 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 26 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2003-05 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A20087 STC 6528 ESTC S105271 99841000 99841000 5556 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A20087) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 5556) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1475-1640 ; 881:11) A strange horse-race at the end of which, comes in the catch-poles masque. And after that the bankrouts banquet: vvhich done, the Diuell, falling sicke, makes his last will and testament, this present yeare. 1613. VVritten by Thomas Dekker. Dekker, Thomas, ca. 1572-1632. [52] p. Printed [by Nicholas Okes] for Ioseph Hunt, and are to bee sold at his shop in Bedlem, neere Moore-field Gate, London : 1613. Printer's name from STC. Signatures: A-F⁴ G² . Variant: title page partly in a different setting, with "catch-pols". Reproduction of the original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. EEBO-TCP is a partnership between the Universities of Michigan and Oxford and the publisher ProQuest to create accurately transcribed and encoded texts based on the image sets published by ProQuest via their Early English Books Online (EEBO) database (http://eebo.chadwyck.com). The general aim of EEBO-TCP is to encode one copy (usually the first edition) of every monographic English-language title published between 1473 and 1700 available in EEBO. EEBO-TCP aimed to produce large quantities of textual data within the usual project restraints of time and funding, and therefore chose to create diplomatic transcriptions (as opposed to critical editions) with light-touch, mainly structural encoding based on the Text Encoding Initiative (http://www.tei-c.org). The EEBO-TCP project was divided into two phases. The 25,363 texts created during Phase 1 of the project have been released into the public domain as of 1 January 2015. Anyone can now take and use these texts for their own purposes, but we respectfully request that due credit and attribution is given to their original source. Users should be aware of the process of creating the TCP texts, and therefore of any assumptions that can be made about the data. Text selection was based on the New Cambridge Bibliography of English Literature (NCBEL). If an author (or for an anonymous work, the title) appears in NCBEL, then their works are eligible for inclusion. Selection was intended to range over a wide variety of subject areas, to reflect the true nature of the print record of the period. In general, first editions of a works in English were prioritized, although there are a number of works in other languages, notably Latin and Welsh, included and sometimes a second or later edition of a work was chosen if there was a compelling reason to do so. Image sets were sent to external keying companies for transcription and basic encoding. Quality assurance was then carried out by editorial teams in Oxford and Michigan. 5% (or 5 pages, whichever is the greater) of each text was proofread for accuracy and those which did not meet QA standards were returned to the keyers to be redone. After proofreading, the encoding was enhanced and/or corrected and characters marked as illegible were corrected where possible up to a limit of 100 instances per text. Any remaining illegibles were encoded as s. Understanding these processes should make clear that, while the overall quality of TCP data is very good, some errors will remain and some readable characters will be marked as illegible. Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng London (England) -- Social life and customs -- Early works to 1800. 2002-12 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2003-01 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-02 Olivia Bottum Sampled and proofread 2003-02 Olivia Bottum Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-04 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A Strange Horse-Race , At the end of which , comes in The Catch-pols Masque . AND AFTER THAT The Bankrouts Banquet : Which done , the Diuell , falling sicke , makes his last will and Testament , this present yeare . 1613. Aliquid latet , quod non patet . VVritten by THOMAS DEKKER . LONDON , Printed for Ioseph Hunt , and are to bee sold at his Shop in Bedlem , neere Moore-field Gate . 1613. TO THE VERY WORTHY , IVDITIOVS AND VNDERSTANDING Gentleman , THOMAS VVAL●HAL Esquire . IF I put into your hands a homely peice of Worke ( neither so good as you deserue , nor so rich as I do wish it ) I must entreat you to blame the vanitie of our times which are so phantasticall , that they couet Stuffes , rather slight , to feede the eye with shew , then Substantiall for enduring . Let the Fashion be French it is no matter what the Cloth be . I haue therefo●●ot ( with the Sturgeon ) swomme against the streame ; But followed the Humorous Tides of this Age , and ( like Democritus ) haue falne a Laughing at the world , sithence it does nothing but mocke it selfe . But seeing no creature is so wise as man , nor any so foolish , my Wits haue heere beene at charges to feast either sort . A mixt Banquet of Sweete and Sowre , Fulsome , and VVholesome , Seria cum Iocis , stands furnished before them . In this Horse-Race there is no cheating , my Building ( as many Rich mens great houses ) is not onely to keepe Rats , and Spiders in it , but euery Roome ( though all be but meane ) hath some picture to delight you . The Plat-forme being narrow , I could raise no lofty Stories ; for when the Ditty is light , the Aire must not be Graue ; A Crow is not to build so high as an Eagle : as the Face of my Inuention was drawne , such I could not chose but proportion out the Body . Yet the Picture hath lost some of the Cullors I gaue it . I know you loue to Reade , because you know to Censure ; Reade , this I pray as I writ it — ( willingly , ) and Censure , as I send it — ( in Loue ) Beare with the hard-fauourdnesse of the Title . The value of a Diamond is not lessened by the roughnesse when it is Vncut . It can bee no shame to gather a Violet , growing close to the ground . Had I better you should enioy it ; such as it is if you entertaine , I shall rest . Most affectionately deuoted Yours , THOMAS DEKKER . Not to the Readers : but to the Vnderstanders . HE that writes , had need to haue the Art of a skilfull Cooke ; for there must be those Condimenta ( seasonings ) in his pen , which the other caries on his tongue : A thousand palats must bee pleased with a thousand sawces : and one hundred lines must content fi●e hundred dispositions . A hard taske : one sayes , it is too harsh another , too supple : another too triuiall : another too serious . The first reades , and mewes : the second reades , and railes : the third reades , and rackes me : the fourth reades , and rends me . He is tyed to a stake like a Beare to be baited that comes into Paules Church-yard to bee read . So that bare Readers ( I meane not threed-bare ) are not Lectores , but Lictores , they whip Bookes ( as Dionysius ▪ ●id boyes ) whereas to Vnderstanders , our libri , which we bring forth , are our Liberi ( the children of our braine ) and at such hands are as gently intreated , as at their parents : at the others , not . The Titles of Bookes are like painted Chimnies in great Countrey-houses , make a shew a far off , and catch Trauellers eyes ; but comming nere them , neither cast they smoke , nor hath the house the heart to make you drinke . The Title of this booke is like a Iesters face , set ( howsoeuer he drawes it ) to beget mirth : but his ends are hid to himselfe , and those are to get money . Within is more then without ; you shall not finde the kirnell , vnlesse you both cracke and open the shell . Aliquid latet , quod non patet : Digge vnder the right tree , and it is ten to one but you take vp gold : for in this ( as in all other my former Nocturnis lucubrationibus ) I haue stroue to feed the mind , as well as the body : If one leafe make you laugh , the next settles your countenance . Tart meates go easily downe , being strewd with sugar : as musicke in Tauerns makes that wine go downe merily , till it confound vs , which ( if the Fidlers were not there ) would hardly be tasted . So for the sake of the sawce which I haue tempered for this dish , you may ( perhaps ) eate the meat , which otherwise you would not touch . The maine plot of my building is a Moral labyrinth ; a weake thred guides you in and out : I will shew you how to enter , and how to passe through , and open all the Roomes , and all the priuate walkes , that when you come to them , you may know where you are : and these they be — Y●● will not ; I know it is more pleasure to finde out the conceitfull-deceits of a Paire of Tarriers , then to haue them discouered . That pleasure be yours , the Tarriers are mine . Fare-well . The Contents of this Booke . A Strange Horse-race . Chariot-races . Foot-races . The Sunnes Race . The Moones Race . Races of winds and waters . Races of the Elements . Races of Vertues and Vices . A Masque of Catch-pols . VVho are Catch-pols . The Diuels falling sicke . His Will and Legacies . His Recouery . His Dam brought to bed with two Children . Their Nursing . A Banquet of Bankrouts . The Comfit-makers inuectiue against Bankrouts . A strange Horse-race . THE first step into a Princes Court , treads not in the brauest roomes , but they are reached to , and ent●e● by ascensio●s , and degrées . This state and complement begetting more obseruance , delectation , astonishment , and reuerence : by the same 〈◊〉 ●●sser squares draw●● . For if you come into a Gold-smiths , or Lapidaries shop , and desire to buy the fairest Iewels ; the running Artizan tempts you first with slight ones , and then bewitcheth you with costlier , and ( for the vp-shot ) strike● your eye with admiration , by gazing at the best of all . So that 〈◊〉 man , ( how wretched soeuer ) can comparatiuely be miserable , because the pal●●e dame hand of Fortune can throw him to no basenesse and deiection so low , but hee shall fall vpon s●me other as low as himselfe . Euen likewise 〈◊〉 contrary par●● are there no obiects of triumph , ( a●●ashe● presentations , banquets , and such like ) how glorious soeuer of themselues , but may haue their splendor and dignity ●eightned by a comparatiue tra●●cing of things in the same rank● and qualitie . Giue me leane therefore , first to make a flourish with my pen , and cleare the way , ( as a Fe●cer doth in a May-game ) for more roome , vntill the Masquers come in : so shall you know the cause of that cost , and the sumpt●●●snesse of the Banquet ; to which I wish no man to be too sawcy in pressing in , lest he pay more déere for his sweet 〈◊〉 ( the banquet being prepared in ●●ll ) then the ●●essing 〈…〉 of one Peacocke , and two Pheasants cost in one of the Kings of Tunis his Kitchin , which amounted to an hundred duckets . What talke I of an hundred duckets ? Nay , lest he be more peppered then those Masons , Bricke-layers , and Carpenters were , that builded those Pyramids in Egypt , during their worke ab●●● o●e of which Pliny brings in a ●●t of a 1800. Talents , that were laid out for Scallions , Onions , Garlicke , and Léekes onely , besides Bread and Cheese , which he scores not downe : for belike the Gypsey-Kings left that vnpaid . But before either this Masque , or Suger-feast come marching in their true and most sw●●t state , I inuite you ( for variety ) to behold a Race , on ●●●t , and horse , with some triumphing in Chariots , after the Roman fashion : to set forth which of ours 〈◊〉 their thundring velocity , lightning-like violence , and earthquak●●● , ●●orrying , so liuely , that ( i● it were possible ) the noyse should make you mad , as the sight could make you merry : I will ( as I held it fit , before ) giue you seuerall pictures of Races , that in former Ages ran themselues out of breath● to the end that the now dead colours of the one● may set off the braue , fresh , and amazeable-starting pageantry of these our other . When the Romans were Lords ouer the world , and their Emperours maisters ouer them , no glory was wanting to illustrate their triumphes , after the 〈◊〉 of stronge Nations , nor any cost spared in popular presentations , to binde vnto them , and bewitch the hearts of their owne people , after their victorious returning home . Those that did triumph ▪ sate in Chariots guilded all 〈◊〉 , drawne sometimes by white horses ; so was Augustus : somtimes with Elephants , so was Pompey . To excell whom in that pride , Caesar had his Chariot of triumph drawne by forty Elephants : so●● haue béene drawne by Harts , and so was Aurelianus . In these Chariots , with the Emperours , sate their sonnes , as heires to their fathers glory ; and after them followed the Roman Souldiers , crowned with garlands , as partners in their Emperours honours . Before the Chariots we●● the Capti●●s , ( Kings , Quéenes , and others ) chained , the spoyles taken in warres , borne al●●● to despite them , and more to dignifie the Conquerour , pictures and countersets of all the Citties , Mountaines , Riuers and Battailes , from whence they came victors , were drawne in Ensignes to the liueliest portrature , all supported before the Triumpher . And in this last manner did Germanicus Caesar enter into Rome , in a triumphall Chariot , loden with fiue of his children , after the victories gotten against the Cherusie , Chatti , and Angrinari , with all other Nations inhabiting to the riuer Albis , as Corn. Tacit. sets downe in the second of his Annalles . Now , lest these highest exaltations of Fortune should make their Emperours swell into too much insulence , and so into a scorning of their subiects ; the Souldiers themselues , yea and the common Plebeians that stood vpon 〈◊〉 so beh●ld these sights , would commonly ( in ha●e of such honours , and in abatement of such pride that might 〈…〉 Emperours ) as they march in all that pompe , ca●● b●●ter aspersions vpon them . As for example : When Ven●idius Ba●sus came home in a Parthian triumph , the Souldiers aloud cryed out thus in mockery of him ; Behold , 〈…〉 la●ely rub'd horses heeles , is now your glorious 〈◊〉 . And at another time to the people thus : O you Citizens of Rome , keepe your wiues at home in your shops , you are best for now we haue brought you your bald-pate Whore-maister , their Emperour hauing , at that time , more used of a peri●ing , then a Barber . These beames of worldly felicity sh●● ab●●t ●he heads of their Princes : let vs now sée what pleasures the Roman people enioyed . For them were built Theaters , and Amphi theaters , in some of which might fit fourescore thousand people together ; the Theaters themselues being some of ●●one , some of wood , curiously adorned with columnes , and Images of their Emperours : some guilded all ouer , some mouing vpon whéeles , to avoyd the heate of the Sunne . All of them spacious , all sumptuous : In these they somtimes saw playes tragicall or comicall , with all sorts of musicke , Doricke , Chromaticke , soft and delicate , Lidian , Nypolydian mournfull , fit for Tragedies : and to these sorts of musicke they had all sorts of Dauncing ; And Hyporchema ( in time of a pestilence ) a daunce to Apollo in the Campe ; The Pyrichian , which was a daunce in Armour : In the Chamber ( as wee now haue ) dances , with wanton gesticulation . All which , as well Musicke as Daunces , they borrowed from the Greekes . Then had they both in Circo , & Theatris , ( their Race and Theaters ) fights both on foot and horsebacke ; sometimes Man to Man , now and then Men and Beasts incountring together , three hundred Gladiators , or Sword-players , fighting at one time at sharpe , with equall number . In which pastimes Gordianus the Emperour , to feede the people to the full , consumed twelue dayes , euery dayes presentation ▪ varying from each other ; As sword-playing , 〈…〉 kindes , casting of Dartes and Speares , Chariot-chaces , Huntings , and such like ; In one day to a hundred Fencers , thrusting out a hundred and fifty of the fiercest Lybian beasts ; in another a thousand , which they were to kill with their swords , or to hazard their owne liues : for he maintained a large and thicke wood , strongly defensible , in which ran two hundred wilde Harts , thirty vn-back'd fierce horses of Brittaine , a thousand sheepe , ten Roe-buckes , which he caused to be guilded all ouer ; thirty wilde Asses , a hundred and fifty wilde Boares , two hundred Ibices , and two hundred wilde Heluetian Goates : vpon all which he cryed hauocke to the people , to haue them torne in peeces in one solemne festiuall meeting . The like did Philippus Arabs the Emperour , at two seuerall times ; the first at the celebration of the Circumcision Games ( so called of Circus , the place where they were performed ) At which time he turned out two and thirty Elephants , twenty Tygers , an hundred Hyenae● , one Rhynoceros , threescore tame Lyons , and ten curle-mained Lyons , ten Panthers , thirty Leopards , and ten fierce Horses to be cut in péeces . The second time was at the celebration of those games , which were held but once in a hundred yeares ; and thereupon were called Ludi Seculares , ( of Seculum , an age of a man , which was then counted an hundred yeares ) their Solemnization being in honour of Apollo , and Diana . Against which day a Cryer went vp and downe the Citty of Rome , with this note : Whosoeuer will see games , which no man aliue hath euer seene , nor any man liuing shal euer see more , now let them come . At which time , the Rites due to that Celebration béeing performed , and the people of Rome in infinite numbers assembled together , he caused to bee hunted ( besides the beasts before named , to as great or a greater number ) ten horned Elkes more , by no other persons , then by two thousand Fencers , armed onely with their Swords in their hands , the beasts running loose , madding and roaring vp and downe . Thus haue you s●ene the Roman Emperours in their Chariots of Triumph , after which the people further rewarded them with Statues , or Images made to the life , some in massy gold , some in siluer , some in brasse , and some in marble , vpon which were insculped and richly cut out , all their Battailes , Conquests , and Triumphes : and besides these Statues , they had also at first Crownes of Gold sent them , and those were after changed to Garlands of Laurell , the honour of both being all one . The common people receiued after their combats , fights , victories , &c. ( to incite them likewise to hunt after ●ame , & military renowne ) wreathes & Coronets to adorne their temples . The horsemen and Charioters being by this time wearied , giue way for the infantery to come vp , and try how nimbly they be●tir their héeles . In which Races on foot , not onely the Romanes , but also the Greekes , Troians , Athenians , Macedonians , and many other Nations excelled for their incredible swiftnesse : I thinke the wilde Irish are be●t at it in these latter times . This kinde of exercise had three changes in it : For some , vpon whose heads the wagers were layd , stood breast-wise in a direct line , at a marke , and ran onely to a goale proposed and left there : others being at the goales end before their fellowes , wan no glory by it , vnlesse they could againe recouer the marke from which they first set forth . The third Race was to run and returne to and fro , from the marke to the goale , without intermission by the space of eight changes , and neuer vnder sixe : and he that could hold out his winde so long , to be first at the bounds where he began his race , carryed away both garland and prizes . My Muse could heere leaue running at Base thus vpon earth , and stretching her wings forth to a more noble expansion , soare aloft vp into the Celestiall Habitations , and from thence bring news , what race the Sun runs in his Zodiacall Circle , where he sets out euery morning , and where he rests euery night : at what houses he stayes ( being 12 in number ) and how long he tarries , in what part of the world he shortens his Careeres , and in what part hee enlargeth it : his fires burning at all times alike , but not alike in all places : by whose heate all Countries do propagate and bring forth blessings to their inhabitants ; but no Country can boast she possesseth all , because what one wants , another should supply , and so euery land to be beholden one to another : then to shew , that al-be-it he runs not in a perfect Orbicular Circle , but that sometimes he runs side-wise with an oblique carriage of his body , yet his course is constant : his horses , ( Pirois , Eous , Aethon , and Phlegon ) as they are foure in number , making foure great Stoppes , or Careeres in Heauen , which beget foure Changes , or foure Renouations of time vpon earth , that is to say : the Vernall , Aestmall , Autumnall and Brumall , they kéeping euer their day ( like iust Debitors ) onely a few minutes difference . But so much reuerence do I owe to the Diuine study of the transcendently-learned Astronomer , that I lay downe heere this Buckler , knowing him most worthy to take it vp . From tracing therefore any further the wheeles of this Illuminous Chariot , wherein the God of the day rides , our Protean Muse altering the shape of her course , a little lower could stand and discouer how the Queene of the night ( ●he Moone ) is , ( with a swifter whirling then the Sunne her brother ) whirled vp and downe in a coach of siluer , & there shew likewise , why sometimes ●he sits Horned , sometimes Halfe-faced , sometimes Full and perfectly Round : then , where that Light is locked vp that is taken from our sight ; and by what meanes , and how so quickely it is againe restored . Then could I without helpe of her light , slip in a moment into the Seas , and saile onely by that Star , whose influence now guides my pen. There could I describe what warlike Races the Winds held with the Waters : their Wrastling , Running , Retiring , and Chasing this way and that way , like two great Princes striuing for Superiority , and confounding , by their contention , not themselves , but those vnder them , Quicquid delirant Reges , plectuntur Achiui . But because you shall not bee weary by being weather-beaten in Tempests : suppose the Windes haue spent their Malice ( like Rich-men , vndon by going to Law in defending vniust Actions ) But the Seas swell still vp by a Naturall pride which the Moone ( their Mistresse ) puts into them , because their Nature being quarrellous , they rage ( like Roaring Boyes vpon the Land ) that they can fasten no opposite to go together ●i'th eares withall , the next they meete they instle , and that 's the Earth : there they purpose to begin another Race ; for their Wanes run ( like Mad-men out of Bedlam ) beyond their bounds vp into the Land , doing what they can to swallow it , and that shewes ( me-thinkes ) like an vnthrifty riotous Heire , washing away ( in Tauernes ) the possessions of his father , and his owne Patrimony , whilst the carefull old man seekes to keepe all within compasse ; as the walles of the Earth striue to hold the vnruly Waters within their owne dominions , and to bar them entrance into her owne , for all their bustling , and for all their billowes , we are now leap'd safe on shore . Whilst thus I stand vpon the soft and vn-remoueable habitation of our great Grand-mother ( the Earth ) Another Race , is presented to mine eie , for I could heere describe , how the foure Elements , ( like so many wheeles in a Clocke ) are proportioned to more diuerse waies , and with strange turnings , yet all to meete in one delicate tune within Mans body , And then , if any one of those foure Protectors , bée predominant aboue the other , and so set the rest together by the eares , how then the bloud hath his Race , and runnes into diseases , and the shortning of that Race is to stumble at Deaths Dore. Againe , if I should rifle this Treasure-house of liuing Creatures , and looke into the depth of it , I could bring you to those hidden Races of Minerals , and Mettals , which the Sunne neuersees , yet can they not liue without him : there should you behold a Mine of Lead , labouring to turne it selfe into Tynne , and so to rise to preferment ; but like a poore Man , that workes day and night to grow rich , hee striues with impossibilities , and is at the yeares end no better then at the biginning . There should you behold a Mine of Tynne , ( sister to Siluer ) vsing all the Art she can , to be transform'd into her sisters shape , and to carry a beauty as faire as her's ; but like a Rich Man , that hauing enough , and being well to liue , yet practiseth vnlaw●ull courses to encrease his state , as his , so her doings do seldome prosper : There likewise should you behold a Mine of Siluer , ambitiously aspiring to bee as glorious Gold : but she workes like an Alchimist , watches long , and looses her labour ; yea , though shee were able to passe through those twelue gates . 1 Calcination . 2 Dissolution . 3 Separation . 4 Coniunction . 5 Putrifaction . 6 Congelation . 7 Cibation . 8 Sublimation . 9 Firmentation . 10 Exaltation . 11 Multiplication . 12 Proiection . And so come to weare in a King , the very Phylosophers Stone , yet the triall of her beauty would bee when her painting came to the Touch ▪ Last of all , you should there likewise behold ( the eldest child of the Sunne ) A Mine of Gold , who being King of Mettals , neuer aspires to bee higher , because it knowes , there is none aboue him . Touching Minerals of ba●er quality let vs not cast our eye vpon them , hauing enriched our Lading with the best ; hoyst now vp Sailes , therefore from hence and away ; for these Races ( if I should measure the shortest of them to his end ) would weary me too much , and appeare , yrkesomely , too long , like that iourney of Philippides , who ranne one thousand , two hundred and forty furlongs ( which makes 155 miles ) ( from Athens in Greece to Lacedemon ) in two daies , if Polyhistor lies not . I could here be content after this weary Uoyage , round about the vast compasse of the world ( dispatcht , as you sée , by my Sea-chariots , within a little time , ) now to fire vp Herculean Pillars , and write vpon them Non vltra . But our Muse is ambitious , and ( to her ) Non sufficit Orbis , she must on againe . For she hath one Race yet to Run , which ( for Antiquity ) is as Reuerend , ( for Persons ) as Renowned , ( for the Contention ) as Glorious , and ( for the Uictory ) as Memorable , as any that euer yet haue bene in the World. It is ( because you shall weary your eyes with staring no longer ) A Race or Challenge betwixt the Uertues that dwell in the little world ( Man ) and the Uices to whom hee giues free entertainement ; they are all ready to present their Troupes , and to do their Deuoire : But before they enter the lists , ( some on horse-backe , some on foote , some in Chariots ) I will play the Herauld to marshall them in order , according to their quality and worth , and send them forth , marching in braue equipage before you . The Vertues are not Mounted , and haue Few Followers , they haue no Plumes , and so , no Pride ; their Attire is decent , sober , girt to them , and ciuill : their Faces graue , austere in very swéetenesse , swéete in austerity ; fairest when they are neerest ; louely a farre off , and all open ; vsed to no maske , their pace demure , maiestically-humble , constant and comely . The Vices are Gallant Fellowes , they are Mounted , and haue no small Fooles to their Followers : they haue Plumes , like Estridges , and Perfumes like Muske-cats , ( so strong ) they are soone smelt out : for Attire , they carry Lordships on their backes , a Knights liuing in their Bréeches , & a Shop-kéepers wealth in a Hat-band , Garters , and Shoe-strings ; Their Faces light , anticke , impudent , disdainefull , amorously bewitching , shadowed now & then , but not possible alwaies to be couered : As a Fools face can neuer be hid . The Vertues will go sometimes from you ( when anon you see them ) but the Vices will still come with their Faces towards you , for if you looke narrowly vpon their backes , if they shew but them to you first , you will straight turne taile to them too , & no more care a pin for their company , vnlesse you be mad ; I will giue you an example of some of them , that carry their heads highest : thus , The Hole i' th' Counter , is the Backe of Riot ; if a Prodigall lay there in Hunger and Cold , but fiue such moneth● no worse then the last great Frost was , in a deere yéere , and in a Plague-time when no body would come at him ; and this hée should suffer before hee bound himselfe for euer to his Mercer , being sure , else , to suffer it after-wards , I doe not thinke but my Gallant would loue a warme Freze Ierkin better then a saite of cut Sattin , and choose rather ( like a Horse ) to draw béere , then to weare rich trappings like an Asse , for which his bones pay so derrely , So Head-ach is the Backe of Drunkennes : if the Head-ach would knocke our Coxcombs soundly , so soone as wee cry out Drawer in a Tauerne , we should neuer quarrel with y e Watch , nor breake do 〈◊〉 Bandy-house windowes of mid-night . But best sinnes , like the worst faces , are most and euer painted , and that 's the reason they so bewitch vs , for it is a good eye can see their deformity : Hearke , The Trumpets sown● , they are ready for the Lists : behold , they enter ; you perhaps ( that are but Standers-by ) may mistake them , and therefore I will describe them , as they either begin the Race or end it . The first that r●ns , is Blasphemous Insolence , a Turke , ( for you must vnderstand , that of all Nations , some are at this Race ) he will be first , because he will be first ; his looks are full of Darings , his voyce thunders out Braues ; hee laies downe Threates insteed of Wagers , hee scornes to Wage any thing vpon an euen Lay , for if terror or tyrany can win it , he will haue All ; By his side comes his Surgeon ( called Infidelity ) the horse he rides on is swift Uengeance , his two Pages are Fyre and Sword. A Christian Lady runs against him , her name Innocen● Humility , if she get to the 〈…〉 , she is promised a paire of wings , besides the pr●●e her looks are modest , her words few , to her-selfe ( as shee sets forth ) she praies , she has onely one Maid waites vpon her , called Sufferance ; they both run on foote : Sée , see , the Turke flies like a winged Dragon , the Christian flies too , like a D●ue , yet with no●●er speed ; ●h●e has now gotten the better way 〈◊〉 , and is gone beyond him , and sée ! Rage and Hast to disgrace her , in her spéed , haue cast him from his Horse ; his owne Horse kickes and tramples on the Maister . The Christian Lady runs in pitty to saue him : but he cursing Her , and calling onely vpon his owne Surgeon ( Infidelity ) shee ( for want of skill ) poisons his wound in steed of curing it ; he 's dead : his Surgeon rips his body , to search what was perished within him ( vpon so ●light a fully as she tearmes it ) and ( see ! ) his heart is turned into a Flint , Blacke , and Hardened as Marble ; & lying ●rown● in the bloud of a thousand poore Hungarians , yet all that could not ●often it . The Wager they ranne for was a Garland of Palme-trées held vp by a Lady at the Goales end ( whose name is Eternity ) and by her giuen to the Christian Conqueror , with the Wings , besides , which were promised her , if shee fainted not in her Race . When the whéeles of Desire are once set a going , the more weights you hang vpon them , the faster turne they about , for lo● all the Opponents in this Race-running haue done what they came for in a moment , whilst you were busy about the first Challenger and Defendant , so great was their Fernor : but I haue the Roll here of the persons and their names , and albe●t you haue lost the sight of them in Action , you shall not loose the sport of it in my Relation . The second that ran , and made the brauest show , was a yong Gallant , his name , Prodigallity , loued of many Ladies for his good gifts , and followed by many rich Citizens sons , who were preferd vnto him by their fathers Mony , he sat in a Chariot , open on euery side , foure Horses drew him , ( Rashnesse , Luxury Folly , and Hanger-on ) his Coach-man being drunke , A Whore whipped him for-ward , and made all Fly ; at the backe of the Chariot , two leaped vp , & were drawne after him , viz : Beggery and a Foole , whose gesture of making mouthes and anticks faces was excellent sport to the spectators , he ran a swift and thundring pace , after him and close by him rid many Merchants , Mercers , and Silke-men , who had laid great Wagers on his head , but he gaue them all the slip ▪ and was before hand with them still . The Defendant whom he challenged , was a polliticke Belgicke , his name , Hans-thrift ( a Dutchman ) vigilant in his course , suttle in laying his wager , prouident in not venturing too much , honest to pay his losses , industrious to get more ( twenty sundry waies ) if hee should happen to bee cheated of all ; his Horse was not so swift as sure , his Attire not curious , but rich & neate , they set out both together , but before Prodigallity came halfe way of his iourney , Thrift got the start of him , out-went , out-wearied , out-spent him , tother lost all , this won what the other lost . Prodigality vpon this disgrace hid his head , 〈◊〉 incountring when , he went away , with a c●ue of Male-●ontents , they schooled him , and they spoyled him : for in a ho●e bloud hee presently grew desperate , and swore to vndertake ( for raising of his fortunes ) the plots of Treason , to blow vp kingdomes , to murder ●ings , and to poyson Princes : But the Hang-man 〈◊〉 ing their whispering , set vp a paire of gallowes in his way at which hee can ●●lt ▪ but , fell downe , brake his necke , and neuer since could kéepe any good quarter . The third that same sneaking in was a 〈…〉 faced shotten-herring-bellied rascall , his nose ●r●pt as soone as he entred into the Race , whose ●●lth , because it would scoure , and so same so●e , hee wrapt vp in as filthy a hand-kercher : his apparrell was cut out of 6 or 7 religio●s , and as they turned , that turned : He stole one onely 〈◊〉 of fire from Prodigality , which hee to●● betwixt his hands to 〈◊〉 them : he had in his pocket ( to victuall him for this voyage ) two dried cobs of a red herring reserued by a ●●●●menger at the ●iege of Famagosta , & then afterward laid on a 〈◊〉 , and the 〈◊〉 of a 〈◊〉 that had 〈…〉 at the 〈◊〉 Indies . This Thing was a Vsurer , cald Niggardlinesse , he had no page , but two Brokers ( out of their loue to him , hoping to get by it ) came along with him vpon their owne charge . Against this wretch ( in braue 〈◊〉 ) 〈◊〉 ●orth 〈◊〉 did Lord ( that is now no 〈◊〉 for has 〈◊〉 place in the Countrey , & all the 〈◊〉 in it smoke● 〈…〉 his money as he spends the water that passeth to his house , it comes thither in great pipes , but it is all consumed in his kichin , his name Hospitality . It is a graue & reuerend counteneance ; he weares his bea●● 〈◊〉 of purpose , that y e haires being white , & kill in his eie , he may 〈…〉 any thing vnworthy their honor : his app 〈◊〉 for war●●●● , not brauery : if he thinke ill at any time , he presently think● wel : for iust vpon his breast he wears his Reprehension . As a iewel comprehends much treasure in a little roome ; and as that nut-shell held● all Homers Iliads smally written in a péece of Vellum . So , though the trée of his vertues grow high , and is laden with goodly fruit , yet the top-bough of all , and the fairest Apple of all he counteth his Hospitality : His bread was neuer too stale , his drinke was neuer sowre , no day in the yeare was to them that are hungry , A ●asting day , yet he ●bseru●s them all : Hee giues moderately euery houre , but in reuerence of one season in the yeare , all that come may fréely take . And this is ( as the Booke doeth remember ) The cold frosty season of December : Phoebus waxed old , and hewed like Lato●● That afore in his hot Declination Shone as the burned gold , with streames bright , But now in Capri●●●●● adowne he light , Where is he shor●● full pale , I d●●● well seyne , The bitter frostes with the sleet and ●a●e Destroyed hath the greene in euery yerd , Ianus firteth by the fire with double ●erd , And drinketh of his Bugle-hor●● the wine , 〈…〉 the Brawne of the 〈…〉 The h●rse he sate vpon was gray and aged , like his maister , but weake by reason of yeares ; yet his heart good , and knew the way to many holy places , whither hee had 〈◊〉 carried 〈…〉 he should ●ncounter 〈…〉 an opposite as he saw stand brauing ; ●ee breathed a kinde of quicke fire in and out at his snoring nostrils in signe he had quickned his old courage , and that he wished to stand on ●● ground till this ●●●●ke were ended . Forward therefore both 〈◊〉 , Hospitality had thou 〈…〉 and prai●es 〈◊〉 Niggardliness euery man laughed , euery man disdained him ; none clapped him on the backe , but his two trunch-men ( the Brokers ) the tother rode like a prince with all eyes throwne vpon him in admiration : but this poore 〈◊〉 ran as if a scar-crow had flowen : it was not a running , but a kinde of false scur●y Am●le , or rather Hobling , which put him into such a heate ( he neuer in all his life sweating before ) that hee melted all his tallow , which at the most was not able to make a pi●●ing Candle ; and so the snuffe of his life went out ●●inking . Before hee dyed , he gaue his keyes to the Brokers , and made them his heires , with charge to bury him there in the high-way , onely to saue charges , and to strip off his cloathes , which he made them sweare they should sell : Et hic finis priami , and with that word he lay as dead as a dogge . His heires performed his will , and going home me●●● , to share his wealth , which they knew to be infinite , they 〈◊〉 nothing in the house but two peny Halter : ( for all his money hee had buried vnder the earth in a field ) the sight of this struck cold to their hearts : and so ( séeing their owne Father ▪ as it were , had cozened them ) the Broke● went ●●th away like a cupple of Hounds from the dogge-house in a 〈◊〉 together , and lye buried at the grate which receiues the common Sewer in the midst of Hounds-ditch . Hospitality had the honour of the day , and went away : crowned with poore mens Benedictions . The next Contenders that followed those 〈◊〉 an English Knight and a Spanish ▪ the Don was a temperate and very little féeder , and no drinker , as all Spaniards are : the Knight had béene dub'd onely for his valour in that seruice : to it they went both , h●●●ed alike , manned 〈…〉 alike , the Spaniard not so gawdy , but more rich . Sir D●gonet had scarce set spurs to his Bucephalus , but with health● which he tooke out of euery commanders fist , drinking to his ●oone voyage , ●e fell sicke , & his horse both of the Scaggers , of which hee neuer recouered : hee had ( besides his Page ) some Voluntaries that attended him , that is to say , the drowsie and decayed Memory , the one filled his glasses , the other his Tobacco-pipes . Shortnesse of Life held his bridle , and helped him stil off . The Diego was a dapper fellow , of a frée minde and a faire , bounteous of his purse , but sparing in his Cups , as scorning to make his belly a wine●eller , therefore the more nimble ; and hauing nothing in him but fire , ( as the other nothing but the contrary Element ) hee flew before the winde like a gallant Pinnace vnder sayle , and held out his Race to the end , leauing the English-man dead-drunke , in lesse then a quarter of the way . Then came in two by two , other Troopes , whose onsets , and ouer-throwes , honours , and disgraces , darings , and dauntings , merit an ample Chronicle , rather then an Abstract ; of all which the Braggadochio-vices still got the worst : the Vertues departing in Triumph , but not with any insulting . And thus the glory of this Race ended . Now , as after the cleare streame hath glided away in his owne current , the bottome is muddy and troubled . And as I haue often s●ene , after the finishing of some worthy Tragedy , or Catastrophe in the open Theaters , that the Sceane after the Epilogue hath béene more blacke ( about a nasty bawdy Iigge ) then the most horrid Sceane in the Play was : The Stinkards speaking all things , yet noman vnderstanding any thing ; a mutiny being amongst them , yet none in danger : no tumult , and yet no quietnesse : no mischife begotten , and yet mischiefe borne : the swiftnesse of such a torrent , the more it ouerwhelmes , bréeding the more pleasure . So after those Worthies and Conquerours had left the field , another Race was ready to begin , at which , though the persons in it were nothing equall to the former , yet the shoutes and noyse at these was as great , if not greater . They marched in no order , and that made them séeme comely ; Handsomenesse in them had beene a disgrace , the worse they shewed , the better they were liked : They could do nothing ill , because they could doe nothing well , and were therefore commended , because there was in them nothing commendable : Such praise as they brought , they caried away ; and this it was . The first Troope that came thronging in , were a company of braue staring fellowes , that looked like Flemings , for they were as fat as butter , and as plumpe in the face as Trumpeters are when their chéekes swell like bladders . No horses could bee hired for them : for ( as Gallants doe Citizens ) they were sure to breake their backes : they were all Foot-men therefore , and ran very heauily ( like men going to hanging ) because if they should fall , their bellies making them leape heauy , they were sure to breake their necekes . These termed themselues Epicures , and all that heard them beléeued it : for their Guts was their God , their Heads , Hogsheads of wine , their Bodies , Cages for wild-fowle , and their Soules nothing else but the steame and breath of roasted Capons serued vp piping bot . These ran into a thousand mens Debts , but ran so farre one from another , ( for feare of breaking Ribbes if they had iustled ) that they would be sure neuer to run in any certaine danger . The last Race they ran ( for you must know they had many ) was from a cry of Sergeants : yet in the end the Law ouer-tooke them , and after a long , sweaty , and troublesome Race , ouer-threw and layd them in the dust ; they dyed in prison , and were buryed in silence . After them came in a pert Lawyer , puffing and blowing ( one that for putting a wrench into the Lawes mouth , to force her to speake any thing , was pitched ouer the barre ) and hee can really : but with whom thinke you ? against this owne Conscience : but in the Race ( sweat and sweare , do what he could ) she gaue him the slip , tired him extreamely , and was still out of his reach the length of Gracious street , at the least ; yet the Lawyer was a goodly man , strong , and full of action , and his Conscience nohing in the world to speake of . The next was one that should haue beene a scholler , and was indéed , and he ran horrible fast after foure Benefices all at one time , they held him nobly to it a long space ; but with much adoe hee got beyond them , and wonne what he ran for : Mary hee caught such an incurable cold ( by reason of his pursinesse ) that hes lost his voyce presently , and grew by degrees , so hoarse , that he neuer spake after to any great purpose , all his lights we●e so stopped . At last comes skipping in a terse , spruise , neatified Capricious Taylor , new leaped from his Shop-boord , and the Diuill could not perswade him , but hee would runne with Pride , and with none else . Pride was for him , and tooke hold of him presently , Horses were offered to them both : No ( sayd the Taylor ) I will not bee set on Horfe-backe , I will not ride , nor be ridden : Pride scorned any courtesie more then he . To it they go then ; Pride got still before him , and he followed her at an ench like a mad-man , tooth and nayle . In the end hee had her at his backe : Pride then ( for anger that any should out-strip her ) made such extreame haste , that shee caught a fall . The Taylor ( hauing many gallant parts of a Gentleman about him ) looking aside , and seeing his Incounterer downe , came brauely to her , offering to take her vp , which she disdaining , allowed him a yard before her , which hee was content to take , and to it they go againe : Pride followed him close , and comming home vp to him , spyed her aduantage ( being neere the Races end ) and leaping forward , hit him full at the heart , and so ouerthrew him . Inraged at which , hee drew out a Spanish weapon , and would haue runne it through her ; shee put him by , and cut his combe , which so cut his heart ( to see a woman his confusion ) that hee was neuer his owne man afterward . But he sayd hee wrought his owne woe himselfe , and confest it was his owne seeking to meddle with her ; and therefore such bread as he brake , was but broken to him againe , yet swore ( if a man might beleeue him ) that though he sunke into hell for it , he would , at one time or other , sawce her . This quarrell made peace ; for the vn-rauelling of this bottome , was the last thréed that ended all . You now see what voyage this ship of fooles ( in which these last were imbarked ) hath made . Heere cast they Anchor , and leap on Shore . A preparation to the Masque ensuing , and the cause therof . FAME , who hath as many tongues as there are mouthes in the world , hearing of the honourable defeature giuen by those worthy Champions to to their ignoble ( but insulting ) enemies , could not choose ( because shee is a woman , but pratile of it , in all places , and to all persons ; insomuch that the Courts of Kings rang of it Cities made bone-fires for it , the Country had almost broke all their bels about it : at euery Crosse it was proclaimed , at euery Market , one word went about the price of victuals , and flue about that : Barbers had neuer such vtterance of a newes , Booke-sellers sold more sheetes then Linnen-drapers ; Carriers could load their horses with no Packes but of This : No Ship went to Sea , but some part of the fraight was this victory : It was written of at home , dispersed in letters abroad , and sung to a new Tune euery where . Omitting these hither parts of Christendome , she ( Fame I meane ) taking her Trumpet ( because she is Times Herald ) flew with it ouer the Mediterranean-sea into Asia , first into Turkey , so to Caldaea , Persia , Hircania , Assiria , Armenia , and then getting vp higher ouer the Caspian sea , away shee poasted to the Tartars , and Cathayans , then to the Chynois , and other East Indians , so backe againe ouer the Arabian Sea , into Arabia Foelix : then crossing ouer Numidia , her next cut was into Barbary in Affrica , from thence downe to Noua Guinea ; and from thence crossing the Lyne into the Ethyopian sea , away swoopes shee by Brasill , and so beates her Wings in the West Indies , whose heate being ready to melt her , ( as the East Indies did before ) ouer the Lyne againe she scuds to Noua Hispania , & so to the Northward of America : then homeward through Florida , taking Virginea , Noua Francia , Norembega , and all those Septentrionall Countries in her passage , and so crossing the Deucalidonian sea , hauing beaten her selfe almost to death in proclaiming and trumpeting lowdly the News , she pantingly ariues where shee set forth , pruning and péecing vp her flagging and broken Wings . The winds caching her breath in all kingdoms , through which she went , were as great with it as her selfe , & ready to burst vntill they were deliuered . Neuer was such puffing & blowing , such blustring & roaring , since they threw downe Babel : so that with their strugling who should cry out first , they were all brought a bed of it at one time : for all of them breaking by force into the bowels of the earth , and by that irrruption tearing her very foundation with an vniuersall earth-quake , the massy frame was cleft & riuen asunder , and so the terror of the report was by the wherrying winds shot ( as if with a thunder-bolt from heauen ) and neuer tarryed , or met any rub , till it burst open the Gates of infernall Erebus . The Grand-Sophy of the Satanicall Synagogue , at the very sound of it belchd out a groane , the rebound of which ( like one bandogs whyning in Paris Garden , setting all the Kennels a barking ) left all the Stygian Hel-hounds in a most clamorous howling . The dismall consort hauing ( with a worse noise then the grating and crashing of Iron when it is a ●yling ) ended these Blacke Sants , & shooke their gastly heads foure or fiue times together , & with chaines ratling at their heeles , ( as if so many blacke Dogs of New-gate had beene mad in a Tauerne there ) ran bellowing All , about their Father of Mischiefe , to know what Qualme came ouer his stomake . He ( darting an eye vpon them , able to confound a thousand Coniurers in their owne Circles , ( though with a wet finger they could fetch vp a little Diuell ) and with an Vlulation , ( his chin almost bursting his breast-bone with a Nod ) from which , fum'd out a breath ( blacker then sea-coale smoake out of a Brew-house chimney ) which if their withered chaps had bin there , yawning to sucke it downe was of power to haue turned ten thousand old Beldams in Lapland into the rankest Witches ) Hee thus grumbled : Hel's vndone , Why , yelped all the rest ? An Armada ( quoth he ) cannot saue vs , our Legions ( in the world next aboue vs ) are ouerthrowne by that Stigmaticall Virago Vertue : All those Battalions that warred vnder y e cullors of our Red & fiery Dragō are debaushed : Suffer this bracke into our Acheronticke Territories ; & hotter Assassinations will euery day pel mel maule vs. Al about him cryed they would neuer endure it . Whilst this indisgested mischiefe lay broyling on their stomackes , roome was made for an Intelligencer newly arriu'd vpon these stronds of Horror . It was one of those nimble Vmbratici Daemones , as inuisible as the Aire , & ( like Aire ) neuer out of our company , one of those Gnomi , whose part Theophrastus Paracelsus takes so terribly , prouing that whether we swmme , or are on land , or in the woods , or in houses , wee are still haunted with a spirit or two at least , neither hurtfull nor doing good , and such a One was This : Belial Belzebub of Barathrum , had lately employed this Purseuant of his about serious businesse ; in which hauing done nothing , and dreading but sorry paiment for his labour , hee knew not how better to escape the Furies , then by forging some egregious lies , by the same Anuile , that all hell was now striking ( that 's to say , touching the late victorie of the Vertues ) and so to bee thought hee had spent all his time in that intelligence . He therefore being tossed , ( the throng was so great ) vpon their glowing flesh-hookes , from one to one , till hee came before the grand Cacodemon , ( his Maister ) who sate in a chaire all on fire , downe fell my little spirit flat at his clouen feete : and then , the Captaine of Damnation , ( hauing first spit out foure or fiue Blasphemies , which one of his Gentlemen Ushers still trod out ) hee gnashed his teeth , and asked if the newes were current : it was replied , yes . Nay ( cries this Goblin ) to vnclaspe a booke of my further trauels , let mee bee hung in chaines of yce ( as you are in fire , if I lie ) and bee bound to eate flakes in the Frozen Zone for a thousand yeares , if the Gloabe of the Terrestriall world bee not new Moulded , the Ball of it hath none of the Old Stuffing : not an inch of knauery can now bee had for loue or money , if you would giue a Million of Gold you cannot haue a Courtier in debt , if you would bestow a thousand pounds worth of Tobacco on a Souldier but to sweare a Garrison-oth , hee would die ere hee drunke it ; besides all Rich-men are liberall , Poore men not contentious , Beggars not drunke , Lawyers not couetous , rich heires not rietous , Cittizens not enuious , clownes most religious . No more , 〈…〉 Tarrarian Tarmag●n● ▪ The ●●ther stop'd in his 〈◊〉 , and it was time , for this sa● Cannon , 〈◊〉 Schellum Wafferhand through both his broad sides . The fair of this Mile-stone had almost burst his heart , hee 〈◊〉 nothing but flashes of fire , spit nothing but flakes of 〈◊〉 , weep'd nothing but scoopes-full of scalding-water , for now he saw the Dilaceration of his owne Luciferan Kingdome . And the exaltation of his enemies ; out of his presence hee commanded all , They breake their Neckes for hast ; he hawle for Musicke , Ten thousand soules were presently set a yelling , hee tooke no pleasure in 't , Hee felft himselfe damnably heart-burnt , pan●ues worse then the tortures of euerlasting death fell vpon him , and no hope of his Recouery , which made an inerpressible howling in hell . No Amendment being in him , hee cals for Physitions : not one would come neere him , they knew his payment too well , for Potecaries they were little enough , and cared not for his custome . He then ●ard out , for a cunning 〈◊〉 to make his Will , one was at his Elbow presently , 〈◊〉 he hugd in his armes , and cry'd out . Welcome my Sonne ; thou 〈…〉 euer bind mee vnto thee . S r Satrapa● Satan , then 〈…〉 him Hee 's 〈…〉 and miserable estate , 〈…〉 desperate , 〈…〉 being vtterly giuen ouer , hee 〈◊〉 for him to 〈◊〉 his Last Will and Testament , and 〈◊〉 or Scriuano , begins , and galops as fast but then , as Monsieur Diabole 〈…〉 his chaps , The Will 〈◊〉 this . The Diuels last Will and TESTAMENT . BEHEMAH Dornschweyn , Prince of all that lyes betwéene the East and the West , the North and the South ; Mighty both on the Sea , and on the Land , chiefe Uayuode of Usury , Symony , Bribery , Periury , Forgery , Tyrranny , Blasphemy , Calumny , &c. ( My Uassails and Deputies , with all their Petty Officers vnder them ) Patron of all that study the blacke and Negromanticke Arts ; Father of all the Roaring Boyes ; The Founder and Upholder of Paintings , Dawbings , Plaisterings , Pargettings , Purflings , Cerusings , Cementings , Wrinkle-fillings , and Botchings vp of old , decayed , and weather-beaten Faces ; being confounded , and tormented in euery limbe : but hauing my Memory and Wits fresh and liuely , doe make this my last Will and Testament in manner and forme following : Inprimis , I will bequeath the World ( whereof I am Prince ) with all the Pleasures , Inticements , and Sorcerous Uanities thereof , to bee equally distributed amongst my Sons and Daughters ; and because ( of my owne knowledge ) I find very many of them , to be damnable and wicked , I lay vpon all such a fathers heauy curse ; not caring though they ha●g in hell , because they haue ran a villanous , impious , preposterous , and diuelish Race . Item . To all those Ladies , Gentlewoman , and Cittizens wiues , ( being set downe by their Names in my Black book ) to whose houses & company I haue bene welcome at mid-night , my Will is y e they all , shall mou●ne . Item . I further will and bequeath to my louing and deerest friends , the Usurers of this Citty , all such moneis as are now , or shall heereafter bee taken aboue the rate of 10 . i th hundred . Item . My Will is , that euery Gentleman who serues mee , shall bee kept in his Chaine , yea ; the worst that hath followed mee , let him goe in a blacke s●●te of Durance . Item . Whereas , I haue many Base Daughters lurking about y e Suburbs , I giue to thē Carbuncles a peece , the biggest that 〈◊〉 be goten . And to those Matrons ( that for my sake haue bene euer déere to those my said Daughters ) I giue to each of them a bottle of the same Aqua-vitae , whereof I my selfe drinke . Item . I giue my inuisible cloakes to all Bankrouts , because they made them , but to one Poet onely ( called Poet Comedy ) I giue my best inuisible Cloake , because it onely fits his shoulders better then mine 〈◊〉 , but chiefly for that hée will trim it vp well , and line it with Come not neere me , or stand off ; And because he is a ●lip of mine owne grafting , I likewise bequeath to him my best Slippers , to walke and play with his kéepers noses . Item . I giue to all Officers that loue mee , a brace of my owne Angels to hang about their neckes , as a remembrance of mee . Item , my Wil is , that all the Brokers in Long-lane be sent to me with all spéed possible , because I haue much of them laid to pawne to me , which will , I know , neuer be redeemed , and what I giue to them shall bee in Hugger-Mugger ; and for their brethren ( the rest of their Iewish Tribe in the Synagogue of Houns-ditch ) let thē be assured they shall not bee forgotten , because I heare they pray for mee howrely , I pitty these poore dispised soules , because if they should misse mee , I know what would become of them . Item . I giue toward the mending of the High-waies , betweene New-gate and Tyburne , all the grauell that lies in the Kidneys , Reynes and Bladders , of Churles , Usures , Baudes , Harlots , and Whoore-maisters , and rather then those Grauel-pits , should grow scanty , I will that they bee supplied continually . Item . I giue to all Iailors and Kéepers of prisons , to euery one of them , the soule of a Beare ( to bee rauenous ) the body of a Woolfe ( to be cr●●ll : ) the speech of a Dog ( to be churlish ; ) the Tallons of a ●ulture ( to bee griping , ) and my countenance to beare them out in their office , that they may looke like diuels vpon poore prisoners : Item . My Will is , that if any Roaring Boy ( springing from my Race ) happen to be Stabd , swaggering , or swearing three-pil'd oathes in a Tauerne , or to bee kild in the quarrell of his Whoore ▪ let him bee fetched hither ( in my owne Name ) because heere he shall be both ●ookt too ▪ and prouided for . Lastly , I make and ordaint ( by this my last Will and Testament ) a common Barretour to bee my Executor ; and two Knights , who are my sworne seruants and are of the Post ; ( their Names and seruice being naild vpon Pillers in Westminster Pallace ) I make them , ( al-be-it they are pur-blind ) my Ouerseers , and for their paines therein , I will bequeath to each of them a great round Pearle , to be worne in their eyes , because I may be still in their sight , when I am gone from them . And to testify that this is my last and onely Will which shall stand , I subscribe my Name vnto it , thereby Renouncing , Retracting , Reuocating , Disanulling , & quite Cancelling , all former Wils whatsoeuer by mee at any time or times made ; In witnesse whereof all the States Infernall ; Auernall , Acheronticke , Stygian , Phlegetonticke , and Peryphlegitonticke , haue likewise subscribed , in the yeare of our Ranging in the World , 5574. Mounsieur Nouerint ( being a man , whose conditions were too well knowne ) had nothing said to him at this time , because the Diuell was very bad , and had no stomacke to talke of old Reckonings ( for Vniuerse was in his debt ) but had his payment , and was glad he got away . Now , as it often happens to rich Curmudgeons , that after they haue settled their estates on their death-beds , ( as they verily feare ) and that their wiues gape day and night to be widdowes , that from their husbands 〈◊〉 they may leape into a Coach and be Ladies , their sonnes and heires cursing as fast ( as the mothers pray ) vntill they great Capon-bell ring out , the daughters weeping ( when they know their portions ) onely because they are not marriageable , or if mariageble , because ere they mourne in blacke , they haue not Suiters to make them merry & the kindred as greedy ( for their parts ) to see the winding sheete laid out , that they may fetch their 〈◊〉 Legacies , & then ( oh terrible then ! ) y e old Fox reuiues , fals to his sleepe , cals for his victuals , feeles himselfe mend , remembers his bags , cries out for his keies , seales vp his , mony ▪ no talk of a Wil , no hope of a Widdow , no sharing of his wealth ; Euen the selfe-same Pill tooke this Diego Daemonum , and recouered vpon it . For all his children , acquaintance , and seruants , standing round about him , howling and ●rying for him , behold ! this howling of theirs made him almost o●t of his wits , that madnesse quickened his spirits , his spirits made him rowze vp himselfe , with that rowzing hee began to looke into what danger he was falne , and by looking into it , to deuise plots againe to raise it . Heereupon , a Synode was called of all the subtillest and plaugiest prates in Hell , ( of which there are good store ) Magog Mammon , there discouers his disease , the cause of it , and the perill ; his feare is that his Kingdome would now bee sorely shaken , and his sorrowes , because all they should be sure to smart for it more then he himselfe , hee therefore craues their infernall counsell . They sit , they confer , they consult , and from that consultation ( after many villanous proiects tosd on their hornes like dung vpon Pitch-forkes , and smelling worse ) this Aduice was hatched , and had fethers stucke on the backe , the rest were pluckt naked ; And this it it was , That Minotaure Polyphem ( the Sire of all those Whelpes barking thus in the Kennels of Hell ) should forth-with put fire into his old Bones , and fall to threshing of their Damme , to get more Hell-hounds , ( braue yong little Diuels ) whom hee may ( like Tumblers ) hoyst from one Fiends shoulder vp to another , and so pop them into the world : And they againe going to Bull , with other blacke Goblins , may ingender , what monsters they please to set all the world and all the people in it out of tune , and the worse Musicke they make , the more sport it is for him . This Act was Filed vpon Record : most Uoyces carried it away ; the Councell flowed currant , the Court is adiourned , and the great Beglherby of Lymbo fals ho●ly to his businesse . Now you must vnderstand that the Diuell bring able to get children faster then any man else , had no sooner touched his old ●aplendian Gueneuora , but shee as speedily quickned ; and no sooner quickned , but was deliuered , and lay in , and had at this Litter or Burden , two twins . Dabh ▪ Aldip Alambat , their father gaue them their names , the one was called Hypocrisie , the other Ingratitude . Hypocrisie was put to nurse to an Anabaptist of Amsterdam , but Ingratitude was brought vp at home . In a short time they battend , and were plunipe as fat Chop-bacons they were , and toward to practise any trickes that were shewed them . So that béeing ripe for maisters , Hypocrisie was presently bounded a Puritane Taylor , by his Nurle , and did nothing but make Clokes of Religion for to weare , of a thousand colours . Hee ran away from the Taylor , and then dwelt with a Uizard maker , and there hee was the first who inuented the wearing of two faces vnder a hood . After this hee trauelled into Italy , and there learned to embrace with one arme , and stabbe with another to smile in your face 〈…〉 a ponyard in your bosome : to protest , and 〈◊〉 lye to sweare loue , yet hate mortality . From Italy hee came into the Low-countries , where he would not talke , vnlesse hee dranke with him ▪ and-cast you Myn Leeuin Broder , with a full grasse , onely to ouer● reach you in your cups of your bargaine . Out of Germany hee is againe come ouer into England , his lodging is not certaine : For ( like a whoore ) hee lyes euery where . Hée sometimes is at Court , and is there excéeding full of complement , hee goes sometimes like a threed-bare Scholler , with lookes humble , as a Lambes , and as innocent , but his heart prouder then a Turkes to a Christians . Hee hath a winning and bewitching presence , a sweete breath , a musicall voyce , and a warme soft hand . But it is dangerous to keepe company with him , because he can alter himselfe into sundry shapes . In the Citty hee is a Dogge , and will fawne vpon you : In the fields hee is a Lyons Whelpe , and will play with you : In the Sea hee is a Mer-mayd , and will sing to you . But that fawning is but to reach at your throat : that playing is to get you into his pawes , and that singing is nothing else but to sink and confound you for euer . This picture of Perdition ( Hypocrisie ) was not drawne so smoothly , so cunningly , and so enticingly , but his brother ( Ingratitude ) though there went but a paire of Sheares betweene them , was as vgly in shape , and as blacke in soule : hee was a Fiend in proportion , and a Fury in condition . It is a monster with many hands , but no eyes : It catcheth at any thing , but cannot see the party from whom it receiues . This is that follow made all the Diuels at first , and still supplyes their number continually . This is that Lethargy that makes vs forget our Maker , and neuer to thanke him for whatsoeuer he bestowes on vs : for no estate is content with his state . If wee are poore , wee curse : If rich , wee grumble it comes in no faster ; If hard-fauoured , wee enuy the beautifull ; If faire , it is our trée of damnation , and for money euery slaue climbes it . This is that Torpedo , which if we touch , a Numbnesse strikes all our ioynts , and wee haue no féeling one of another . This is hee which maketh one forget God and his country , the King and his kindred , only to please the great Diuell his father . He that this day hath beene comforted with thy ●●e , fed with thy bread , relieued with thy purse , and kept from being lowsie by thy linnen , to morrow will bée ready to set the same house on fi●● y t hid him from cold , for thy bread to giue thee stories ; for the money thou lentest him , to sell thee ( like a Iudas , ) and for thy linnen , which wrapped him warme , glad to see thee in danger to goe naked ▪ Thus hast thou this Gorgon in his liuely colours : because therefore that the odiousnesse of this beast , Ingratitude , should still be in our eye , God hath Hierogliphically figured it in many of his creatures . The Viper is an Embleme of it , whose yong-ones gnaw out the belly in which they are bred . So is the Mule , whose panch being full with sucking , she kickes her dam. So is the Iuy , which kils that by which it climbes : and so is fire , which destroyes his nourisher . The tongue of Ingratitude is the sting of that frozen Snake , which wounds the bosome that gaue it heate and life . The hands of Ingratitude are those Tubbes full of holes , which the daughters of Da●au● fill vp with ●●ter in hell , and as fas● as it is 〈◊〉 in , it all rans out againe . An ingratefull man therefore is not like Nero , that gathered flowers out of Ennius his heape of dung , but like the Cantharides that sucke● poyson out of the sweetest flower . Not without great wisedome did that old Serpent , ( the Anchropophagiz de Satyr ) cloath his Hellish brood of his in human shapes : for you see how beneficiall their seruice may ●ee to him , and how maleuolent they are likely to be to man : for these are those Ichneumons that creepe in at our mouthes , and are not satisfied only first with deuouring what 's within vs , and then to eate quite through our bodyes ▪ but the food which they lust after , is to rauen vpon the soule . My purpose was ( when the grand Helea had gotten these two Furies with nine liues , onely to haue drawne the Curta●●es of her Childe-bed , in which shee lay in , and to haue she●●e no more but the well-fauoured faces of her 〈◊〉 of Monkyes ; But you see , from her withered T●●tes I haue brought them to their cradles , from the coadle 〈◊〉 thee to Nurse ; & from thence followed them till they were able to doe seruice in the world . How they haue sped , you heare , and how they are likely to prosper , you may iudge . But you must thinke that there father , after hee had begun to digge ▪ and séeing his labours thr●●ie , would not so giue ouer : For the old Countesse Canidia , ( his wife ) being a teeming Lamia , after she was deliuered of the two first Lemures , ( Hypocrisie and Ingratitude ) did within short time after , bring forth others , as Schisme , Atheisme , Paganisme , Idiotisme , Apostacy , Impeniten●cy , Diffidence , Presumption , and a whole generation of such others : of whom the father needes not bee iealous that the Sorceresse their mother playd false with him , euery one of them 〈…〉 him in visage , and carrying in their bosomes his villanous conditions : For as he himselfe goes prowling vp and downe for his Prey , so do these take after him , and play their parts so well , that all Hell routes with ●●ughing , and rings with giuing them plaudits . For these Furies haue in the Church bred Contentions , in Courts Irreligion , in the Ctity Prophanation ; in the Countrey ignorance of all goodnesse ; and in the World , a knowledge of the most flagicious Impieties . At the birth of euery one these Monsters , were particular Triumphes , but aboue all the rest , one had the glory to be graced with a Masque , and it was at an vp-sitting , when the Gossips and many great States were there present . It was a Morall Masque , a Misticall Masque , and a Conceited , set out at the cost of certaine Catchpols , who were witty in the Inuention , liberall in the Expence , quicke in the Performance , and neate in the putting off . The Masquers themselues were braue fellowes , bare-faced , not néeding , nor caring for any Uizards , ( their owne visages béeing good enough , because bad enough ) they were not ashamed of their doings . Euery one of them came in with some property in his right hand , appliable to the name of a Catch-poll , and to the nature of the Catch-pols Masque : For one had a Fishermans Net , another an Angling rod , another a trée like a Lime-bush , another a Welsh-hooke , another a Mouse-trap ▪ another a handfull of Bryers , and such like : and euery one of these had ●●aite , and a Soule nibling at eueuery baite . In their left hands they held whips , vpon their heads they wore Anticke crownes of Feathers plucked from Rauens wings , Kites and Cormorants , ( béeing all Birds of Rapine and Catching : ) And on their bodyes loo●e Iackets of Wolues skinnes , with Bases to them of Uultures , whose heads hang dangling downe as low as their kn●es ; which made an excellent shew . Their legges were buttoned vp in Gamashes , made of Beares paw● , the naile● sticking out at full length . They who supplyed the places of Torch-bearers ▪ carryed no Torches , ( as in other Masqueries they doe ) but ( their armes being stript vp naked to their elbowes ) they griped ( in either hand ) a bundle of liuing Snakes , and Adde●s , which writhing about their wrists , spit wild fire and poyson together , and so made excellent sport to the assembly . They had a Drum , after which they marched ( 〈◊〉 & two ) & that was made of an old Caudron , the head of it being couered with the skins of two flead Spanish Inquisitors , and a hole ( for vent ) beaten out at the very bottome : the Drum-stickes were the ●hin-bones of two Dutch-Free-booters : So that it sounded like a Switzers Ket●le-drum . The Musicke strucke vp , and they daunced ; in their dauncing it was an admirable sight to behold , how the Soules that lay nibbling at the baites , did bobbe vp and downe : and still as they did bite , the whippes lashed them for their liquorishnesse . The swallowing of the baytes was ( to those Soules ) a pleasure , and their skipping to and fro , when they were whipped , made all Hell fall into a laughing . One of those baytes was Promotion , the second was Gold , the third Beauty , the fourth Reuenge , the fift a pipe of Tobacco : and such rotten stuffe were all the rest . The Daunce was an infernall Irish-hay , full of mad and wilde changes , which ( with the Masquers ) vanished away as it came in , ( like vnto Agryppaes shadowes . ) Now because ( in naming this the Catch-pols Masque ) some squint-eyd Asse , ( thinking he can sée quite through a load of Mill-stones ) will goe about to perswade the credulous world , that I meane those Sergeants and Officers who sit at Counter●●ates . No , there is no such traine layd , no such powder , no such liustocke in my pen to giue fire : they are Boni & legaies homines , good fellowes , and honest men : ( that name of Catch-poll is spitefully stucke vpon them by a by-name : for to these Catch-pols , that are now vnder my fingers , doth it properly , naturally , and really belong , and to n●●● other . If those two set of Counters compell a man to cast vp his Reckoning , what he owes , and how much hee is out , yet they catch no man , except the Law put them on , and it is their office . No , no , Paulo Maiora Canamus . Those Catch-pols whom we deale with , are of a larger stampe , of a richer mettall , and of a coine more currant . I will therefore first tell you what a Catch-poll is , and then you may easily picke out what those gallants are whom we call so . A Catch-poll is one that doth both catch and poll : who is not content onely to haue the sheepe , but must sheare it too ; and not sheare it , but to draw bloud too . So then by this Etymology of the word , any one that sinisterly wrests and serues Monopolies into his hands , to all his Coffers , ( though his owne conscience whispers in his eare , that hee beggers the Common-wealth ) and his Prince neuer the better for it : but the poore Subiects much the worse : Hee is a Grand Catch-poll . Any one that takes Bribes , and holds the Scales of Iustice with an vn-euen hand , laying the rich mans cause ( be it neuer so bad ) in the heauy scale , and the poore mans ( be it neuer so good ) in the light one , hée is a Catch-poll . A Pastor , that hauing a Flocke to féede , suffers them to breake into strange fields , lets them stray he cares not how ; be dragged away by the Wolfe , he regards not whither : séeth them sicke and diseased , and will not cure them ; hee is a Catch-poll . So is a Lawyer , that fleas his C●●ent , and doth nothing else for him . So is an 〈◊〉 man , if he rob the poore Widow , or friendlesse-forsaken Orphant . So is a Soldier , that makes bloud , rapes , lust and violence his proper ends ; and not Gods quarrell , his Princes right , or the honour of his Country . So is a Citizen , that cozens other men of their goods , and ●els bad ware in a blind shop , to honest Customers , of which they neuer are able to make the one halfe : yet if they breake their day , hee will let them rot in prison rather then release them . And lastly , that Prentice , who robs his maister , and spends his substance vpon Harlots ; hée is a Catch-poll as egregious as the best . Out of these Rankes were those Hot-shots ( the Masquers ) drawne , whom I leaue to double their Files by themselues , because I sée the Reare-ward comming vp , and I must likewise teach them their Postures . THE BANKROVTS BANQVET . WHAT is a Masque without a Banquet ? And what is a Banquet if it hee not serued vp in State ? To heighten therefore the Solemnity of this Child-beds vp-sitting , as also to curry fauour , with the Blacke King of Neagers , ( their Lord and Maister ) Another crew , of as bo●ne Companions as the former , as fat in the purse and as lauish in spending , but more-carefull of beeing blazoned in the world , for what they did , and therefore all of them hiding their heades , laid their monies together , and presented a Strange , Rare , En●ious , and most Sumptuous Banquet , to Donzell Diauolo . Inuitng not onely himselfe , but also his new-deliuered Spouse ( Queene of the Grimme Tartars , the Trogto●●●●res , who eate Serpents , the foode of Diuels , the Cimerians , the Sodomites , and the Gomorrhaeans ) and with her , the great Diabolicall Conuenticle there assembled together . To stoppe all these mouthes with Sugar-plumes , you must needs thinke , would aske a huge charge ; but they who vndertake the cost , respected not the expence , for they had not onely coyne of their owne enough , but they had shragd others too of theirs , and being hunted from corner to corner in the world , hither ( into the Iland of the Bermudes haunted as all men know with Hogs and Hobgoblings ) came they for shelter , for heere they know they are sure , from hence none dare fetch them ; they are called Bankrouts . And because the Catch-pols proportiond out a Deuice responsible to their Name and Quality ; these Bankrouts , ( treading in the same steps of Ambition ) Martiald vp a Banquet , rellishing likewise of their name , carriage and condition . So that , although they had hooked into their hands , all sorts of Wares , Goods , Commodities , and Merchandize , out of the true Owners singers , and had laid them far enough from their r●ath ; yet would they serue this Banquet to the Table , neither in Plate , in Christall , in Chyna dishes , glasse or any other furniture , but in a Stuffe , deerer to them ( and more deere to others ) then any of the Mettals recited , For they to get wealth into their Fists , not makings feare . nor conscience to seale to any Parchements , in Sealed Dishes , therefore was their Banquet brought in . And thus the Bankrouts themselues ( to adde more State to the Ceremony ) come marching with their Suckets , &c. in order . First , the vpper end of the Table was such 〈◊〉 with the heauiest , costliest , and cunningst Bondes that could be got , for loue , wit , or mony ; and they were heaped vp with Cynamon Comfits . ( Cynamon being an extreme Bynder ; ) and of this Banquetting Dish was such store , that it ran cleane through the Board . Next , came in Bils Obligatory , ( a thousand in a cluster ) and they were filled with Conserues of Slowes , and other Stipticke sweete meates . After these in most Iudiciall manner , and with great pompe and charge , were Statutes serued vp : and they were laden with Candyed Ering●●s ▪ of purpose to put spirit into him that should eate of this dish , and to keepe him vp , because , if hee sinke or grow sicke with chewing downe or swallowing of Statute , he●es g●ne and little hope of recouery . Iust in the taile of those , were brought to the Table a goodly company of Defeazances , and they held delicate Flakes of White and Red Iellies , being both Restoratiue , and very loosing to the stomake , and good against those Binding and Restringent dishes , which came in first , at the vpper end of the Table this dish should haue bene serued vp , but it had a mischance . After all this , a C●pias with a Latitat , went from one to one , but none touched those dishes , yet they were heaped full to the brim with Sugar-pellets , and cakes of Gynger-bread piled round about them ; But the Pellets when they were shot did scarce hit , and the Gynger so bit their tongues , and set their mouths in a heat , that none at the Table toucht them , but shifted them one from another . At the last , Attachments appeared in their likenesse , and they were fild into bottels of Hypo●●as , and other strong Wines , able to lay hold of a 〈◊〉 , as suddenly as he laies hold of them , and to make him ( if hee drinke hard of them ) to bee carried away , and his good-night Land-lord . Next those dishes , were brought in , a number of Outlaries , thwackt with Purging-Comfits , for they are able to make a man flye ouer nine hedges . And below them stood Iudgements , full of newbakt Diet-bread , and therefore hard for the stomack● to disgest . But close by them were placed Executions , which cloyed euery ones stomacke there ; for they were Tarts of of seuerall Fruites , stucke with Muske-comfits of purpose , to sweeten the mouth , if any should happen to lay his lippes to sowre a dish . The last Banquetting - 〈◊〉 ( saue one ) were Ne exeat Regnum , and those were heaped to the top with Annis-seed-comfits , being exceeding good to procure Long-winds , if a man haue a minde , or bee forced to Run his Country . The last of all were Protections , some larger then other ; and when these came in , a shoute was giuen , for all the Bankrouts slung vp their caps , and bid their Guests profaces , for now they saw their Cheere . In those Protections lay March-panes , which shewed like Bucklers , y e long Orange-comfits standing vp like Pikes , & in the midst of euery March-pane a goodly swéet Castle , all the bottomes being thickely strewed with Careawaies . And this was the Bankrouts Sybariticall Banquer . The queint casting of the dishes so brauely , all in wax was wondred at , the working , tempering , moulding , and fashioning of the Sweete-meates were commended , the conceipt of Furnishing the Table extolled , the cost well liked off , and the Bestowers , not reward with common thankes , for the Grand-Signior of the triple worse called the Bankrouts his White Sonnes , and swore a Damnable Oath , that hee himselfe would haue an Eye ouer them . And so , after hee and his Bash●●● , had 〈◊〉 their guts , they rose , euery Officer being charged to looke to his place , that no more such 〈…〉 hils , that support his Kingdome , and with such lessons , they flye seuerall waies , swift , and as horrid as whi●lewindes . A musse being made amongst the poorer sort in Hell , of the sweete-meate-scraps , left after the Ban-quet . The Feasters being dispersed , the maisters of the Feast , ( the Bankrouts ) held in a knot together : it was told them , there was beating at the gates to speake with them . All went to sée : and who was it but the Comfit-maker , that trusted them with his stuffe , and brought a bill of three-score and odde pounds , requesting to haue his money . His Pay-maisters told him this was no world to part from money , but to get as much as euery man could into his owne hands : other men did so , and so would they , their elders read them that lesson , and they must take it out . If he would take two shillings in the pound , they would pay him downe vpon the na●le : If not , they were resolued to try the vtmost , and therefore bid him go shake his eares . The poore rotten-tooth'd Comfit-maker , et these out-of-tune notes , was ready to run out of his wits : Hee rapt at the gates , swore , cursed , and railed ; Are you m●● ( cryed he out ) or diuels ? Now shall I pay my Sugarmarchant : Now my Grocer● ▪ Now my Bakers ? Now my worke-men ▪ Now my Orange-women , if you pay me thus with slips ? Into halters slip you all ; you haue robbed me , vndone me , beggered me , and left nothing in my ship but one box of 〈◊〉 Almonds , and I would they were burning red-hot in your bellies too . The more sowre his language was , the more sweet it was to them : for they did but laugh to heare him curse , and went their wayes : He séeing no remedy , swore hee would rattle all hell about their eares if they bod'd him off thus : And so betwéene scolding and whining , he thus tooke his peny-worths of them in words , though not in siluer . If ( fai● he ) you were poore , 〈◊〉 had it not , I would neuer aske you a peny , if you 〈◊〉 forced to breake by any 〈◊〉 ship-wracke at sea , or by the villany of Debitos on the land , or by the frownes of the world , or the falsenesse of seruants , I should pawne my shirt from my backe to releiue you ; but you burst vpon knauery , cheating and roguery . You that thus vndermine your owne estates , ( with other mens ) your selues , are like trées standing in your next neighbours ground , which you climbe in the darke , & gathering the fruit ( like théeues ) run away with it by Moone-shine . But if your states were weake for want of ability to pay , then are you those tree that ( in your owne ground ) are beaten with stormes , whose apples are shaken downe spitefully on the earth , and are deuoured by such Hoggish debters before the true Owners can come to take them vp and if so , you are to be pittied and releeued . You tell me you will breake : do so , breake your neckes . But before you do so , make this account , that you are as bad as halfe hanged ; for you haue an ill , and a most abhominable name : try else . A Bankrout , that is to say , a Banker-out : A Citizen that deales in mony , or had mony in Banke , or in stocke , He is out ( when he Breakes : ) But me thinkes hee is rather In. I sée no reason we should say , he breakes , there is more reason to cry out , He makes all whole , or hee makes vp his mouth , ( as you haue done with my plums ) or he gets the diuell and all . For what doe you , but lye grunting in your flyes , like Hogges , and sat your ribbes with fruits of other mens labours . In my opinion you should feare the bread you eate should choke you , because it is stolne ; the drinke you swallow should strange you , because you quaffe the bloud of honest housholders : and that the wine you carowse should dam you , because ( with it ) you mixe the teares of mothers , & the cries of children . If a Rogue cut a purse , hee is hanged : if pilfer , hée is burnt in the hand : You are worse then Rogues ; for you cut many purses : Nay , you cut many mens throats , you steale from the husband , his wealth : from the wise her dowry : from children their portions . So that ouer your heads hang the curses of Families : how then can you hope to prosper ? For to play the Bankrout , is to bid men to a Citty-rifling , where euery one puts in his money , and none wins but one , and that is the Bankrout . If all the water in the Thames were inke , and all the fethers vpon Swans backes were pens , and all the smoky sailes of westerne barges , were white paper , & all the Scriueners , all the Clarkes , all the Shoole-maisters , & all the Scholers in the kingdome were set a writing , and all the yeares of the world yet to come , were to be imploied only in that businesse : that inke would be spent , those pens grub'd close to the stumps , that paper scribled all ouer , those writers wearied , and that time worne out , before the shifts , legerdemaines , conueiances , reaches , fetches , ambushes , traines , and close vnder-minings of a Bankrout could to the life be set downe . This was the last winter-plum the sad Comfit-maker threw at their heads ; and so left them , and so I leaue them . My Muse that art so merry , When wilt thou say th' art weary ? Neuer ( I know it ) neuer , This flight thou couldst keepe euer : Thy shapes which so do vary , Beyond thy bownds thee cary . Now plume thy ruffled wings , Hee 's hoarse who alwayes sings . Contigimus portum , quò mihicursus erat . FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A20087-e700 Blondus de Roma Triumphante . Chariot Races for triumph . Tranquil . Suetonius . The manner of Roman Triumphes . Cor. Tacit. lib. 2. annal . Qui Mulos frica●a● factus est Cōsul . Romani seruate vxores , Maechum calvum vobis adducimus . In the Roman Theaters were alwaies their Scoenici Ludi , stage-playes . Grecian musicke . Plutarch . in Moralib . Trāquillus Suctonius . Sword-players . Sword-playing , Hunting , and the fighting of beast in the Roman Amphitheaters . Ludi Circēses , cuius ludi Originem . Virgil. lib. 5. describit Venite ad Ludos quos nemo mortalem vidit , neque visurus est . Vide Plin. Lib. 18. Aureis post-modum successerunt , Laureae : erantque & virtutis & honoris eiusdem praemia . Gellius . Garlands giuen to the Romans . The first sort of Rūners were called Stadiodromi . The secōd sort were called Diaulodromi . The third sort were called Dolichodrmi . Races in heauen . The Suns Race . Sol fons lucu . 1 Spring . 2 Summer 3 Autum . 4 Winter . The 〈◊〉 Race . The Sun the cause of the Moones variable shapes . The Race of the windes & the Waters . The Sea flowes when the motion of the Moon is downewards and neerer to it . The Race of the Elements in Mans body . 1 Earth . 2 Water . 3 Aire . 4 Fire . The Race of Minerals . The ambition of Lead . The ambition of Tynne . Ambition of Siluer . Rip●●y● Chanon of 〈◊〉 . Gold hath no ambition . A fres● Race . Vertue & Vice run . Vertue is seldome mounted . Her picture . Vice is euer mounted . Her picture . The backe part of Riot . The backe part of drunkennesse . The Race beginnes . The charracter of a proud Turke . The Turks owne vengeance prepar'd for others , cōfounds himselfe . Hungary ouer-run by the Turkes . Prodigalities Race . The Character of a Prodigall . Thrifts Race . Discontēt the mother of Treason . A malo in peius . The Character of a Niggard . Hospitality pictured . Chaucer in the Franklins tale . They that vphold hospitality are in these daies weake , because few . Niggardlinesse & Hospitali●● 〈◊〉 . The Spaniard temperate in dyet , the English a glutton . A drunkards followers . Plures occidit ●rapula , quam glad●us . Other Races . Belly-gods . Of Epicurus , from whom sprang that Sect. A Lawyer and his conscience run . A Vicar . A Taylor runs with Pride . Notes for div A20087-e5460 A newes spred . The naturall cause of an earth-quake . The Diuel put in feare when Good-men prosper . Hels Army defeated . Paracelsus de gnomis . Furies are H●ls Beadels , are three in number : Alecto , Tysiphone , and Maegera : to the number of those three Passions which carry vs headlong , viz. Anger , Couetousnesse , and Luxury . Lactantius de verae cultu . Blasphemy the dia els spittle . Schellum in Dutch , a Theife : Wasserhand a Fauning Cur , Names fitting for the Diuell . The Notary dwels in Helstreete in Paris . Notes for div A20087-e6510 The Diuill is Behemah , an Elephant for strength to ouercome and Dornschweyn , a Porcupine for quils , he shoots daily at our soules . A Vayuode is a chiefe Ruler : an Attribute giuen to great Men in those parts of Morauia and Transalpine Hungary . The Legacies . To his children . A Legacy to Ladies . A Legacy to Vsurers . A Legacy to Gallants , that follow him . A Legacy to Puncks of the Cittie . A Legacy to Baudes . A Legacy to Bankrouts . A Legacy to Officers tha● loue him . A Legacy to Brokers . A Legacy for repairing the way to Tyburne . A Legacy to Iaylors . A Legacie to Roaring Boies . A Legacie to the Diuels Ouer-seers . Although there be , Vestigia nulla retrorsa out of Hell , yet you must know hee had a conueiance for that purpose , to haue ingresse and egresse . Rich mens false alarums . Dabh , the Hyaena that digs dead men out of graues to deuoure them Aldip Alambat , is a rauenous or furious Woolfe ▪ Ingratitude , & Hypocrisy borne . Hypocrisyes cloake maker . The picture of an hypocrite . Fistula dulce canit , &c. Ingratitude pictured . Lethargiaest mentis alienatio & ●erum prope omnium obliuio . Torped●aem pistem , siquis attgeril , torpent m●mbra . A Gorgon is a beast euer looking downeward , it eateth serpents , is scaly as a dragon , toothed as a swine : it hath wings to flye , the breath is venemous , the eyes fiery , and strike beholders dead . All which properties belong to the Diuell . Aesop. Fab. 5. Cantharidum succos , dante parente bibas . Ouid . in Ibim . The Man-eating-monster . Anthropophagi were Scythians ( now Tartars ) so called for eating men , & drinking bloud in their sculs . Polyhistor . Canidia a witch of whom Hor. writes . Lamia a letcherous , spirit , that neuer takes rest . a spectre . A Race of vnhapy children . The Masque . The Masquer● Their Masquing apparrell . The Torch-bearers . Their Drum. The Masquers Daunce . What a Catch-poll is . Their Species . Notes for div A20087-e9140 Bermudes called the Iland of Diuels , by reason of the grunting of Swine , heard from thence to the Sea. The Bankrouts banquet . Bondes , a binding meate . Bils , binders too . Statutes dangerous meats . Defeysance cōfortable to the stomacke . Latitats no sweetnesse in them . Hot in the mouth and biting . Attachments a heady-drinke . Outlaries are terrible Purges . Iudgements lie heauy in the stomacke . Executions a very sowre meate and vnwholsome . Ne exeat Regnum good to stay a running . Protections wholesome & comfortable . Men that are forc'd to break are to be pittied . An inuectiue against voluntary and cofening bankerouts . Their good name lost . Who is a Bankrout . The life of a Bankrout . The 〈◊〉 of a Bankrout . The villany of Bankrouts can not be expressed .