A pleasant conference upon the Observator and Heraclitus together with a brief relation of the present posture of the French affairs. Phillips, John, 1631-1706. 1682 Approx. 90 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 21 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2004-03 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A55123 Wing P2540 ESTC R4454 13197954 ocm 13197954 98431 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A55123) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 98431) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 434:7) A pleasant conference upon the Observator and Heraclitus together with a brief relation of the present posture of the French affairs. Phillips, John, 1631-1706. [2], 38 p. Printed for H. Jones, London : 1682. A satire on the Tories and their periodicals. Attributed to John Phillips. Cf. NUC pre-1956. Reproduction of original in Huntington Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Tories, English -- Early works to 1800. Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1660-1688. 2002-09 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2002-11 Aptara Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2003-01 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2003-07 Aptara Rekeyed and resubmitted 2003-10 Judith Siefring Sampled and proofread 2003-10 Judith Siefring Text and markup reviewed and edited 2003-12 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion A PLEASANT CONFERENCE UPON THE OBSERVATOR , AND Heraclitus : TOGETHER With a brief RELATION OF THE PRESENT POSTURE OF THE French Affairs . LONDON : Printed for H. Iones . MDCLXXXII . A Pleasant Conference UPON THE OBSERVATOR and HERACLITVS . ABout the time that the third Head of Cerberus had set the Watch for the other two that were fallen asleep , in came a Spirit Booted and Spur'd , and commanded the Gates of the Infernal Palace to be opened : which was immediately done , without a word of Pray Sir remember the Porter . Who should this be , but one of Lucifers Emissaries , that he had sent into this world to Eves-drop for Intelligence , to keep Company , to counterfeit sometimes Tory , and sometimes Whigg , and make what Discoveries he could . Lucifer had been Gaming most part of the night , and was very drowsie , when they brought him word that such a one was attending below : but understanding his business , he ordered him present admittance . May it please your most Illustrious Highness , said Belfagor , for that was the Name of the Plutonian Emissary , You sent me into the other world to make Discoveries ; and it was upon this ground , for that you believed your two Brorhers , Iupiter and Neptune , had been injurious to you , in giving you the worst share of the Vniverse , and therefore you were resolved upon new pretensions , to make an Exchange or an Invasion , and not be confined any longer to Shades or Tenebrosity . And to this purpose you sent me to discover the Genius of your intended Subjects . Sir , take my advice , and stay where you are . For as for your Brother Iupiter , I have made some inquiry after him , but find him to be althogether worn out of date ; so far from being Adored and Worshipped , that you shall hardly hear him nam'd , unless it be now and then in a Thunder-thumping Tragedy . And for your Brother Neptune , 't is said that the French King has bought him out of all his Dominions , and intends to be Lord of the whole Ocean that flows between both the Poles himself . And for the Earth , I mean that part of the Vniverse where those Creatures call'd Mortals live , the fore-mentioned French King , no more dreaming of Mortality , than you of dying , is resolved to make himself the Universal Monarch of it . To which purpose , he daily goes on , vexing , tormenting , and incroaching upon his Neighbours , that no body can live in quiet for him . No Leagues will hold him , no Faith will bind him up ; so that altough your most Serene Sootiness wel● know how much you are bound up , if you only Swear by Styx , yet is he so regardless of those things , that i● you mind him of his Treatie-Attestations , he presently shrugs up his shoulders and laughs at ye , — as much as to say , — he knows better things . — He buyes Towns by whole-sale , and I wish you yourself may be safe from his Treasure . Pluto . Let him be never so rich , and never so great a Ruffler , I think I am able to match him both in number and wealth . Belfagor . I grant it , Sir , you excel him in number , but then , alas , Sir , what signifie your Millions of Skeletons , shadows only of Men , that live merely upon the Air , to encounter with so many thousands of well-disciplined Sa , Sa's , whose bones are covered with hard flesh , and outwardly ●ortified with ●loaths and Armour , within with Beef , Pudding , Strong-beer , and Canary , which they will have if it be upon earth . — Then for your wealth , Sir , — 'T is true , you may make these Mortals , especially the most active , they 'l do e'en what you please for your Money ; but then again , they are so Quarrel-some , so Mutinous , so Seditious , so Turbulent , so restless , that you who have raigned always in peace , and in perfect Unity with your own Natural Subjects , and with so much aw and Arbitrary Dominion over Forreigners , will never endure to be pestred , harrased , worryed , hampered , and perplexed , by these humane Terrestrials , as you must expect to be . Pluto . But how if I can get in by Conquest ? Belfagor . Ah , Sir , I would not have you attempt it , for they 'l be too hard for you in two things ; the one side will out-pray ye , and the other will out-swear ye ; and then pray tell me , what will become of all your Millions ? all the vast Army , and all the numerous Captains that Miltons Paradise lost musters up for ye , they 'l all do you not a pins worth of good . Pluto . This seems somewhat strange , I thought I could have dealt well enough with Mankind ; I am sure I find the proude●t of 'em all tame enough here . Belfagor . That 's nothing , Sir , when they are incarnate they are quite another thing ; and therefore if your Sootiness will not believe me , you had best go incognito , and try your self . Nay , Sir , to tell you more , there is in one little spot of the Terrestrial Globe , a place called Plotter● Island , which you may easily cover with one of your Princely Black Thumbs , where they are in the strangest confusion imaginable ; and all about a business that I am sure you would never trouble your head with ; much less would endure to have your rest disturbed , your repose disordered , and your pleasures interrupted for it . Pluto . Prithee what 's that ? Belfagor . Religion , Sir , or , at least , that 's the grand pretence . Pluto . I believe that which you call Plotters Island , is Sicilie ; for that Island is monstrous hot , as they say , as having a continual burning Mountain in it , fancied to be the vent of my Kitchin Chimney , and therefore it may be rationally thought to have some more than ordinary influence upon the heads of the people . Belfagor . No , no , Sir , 't is called Plotters Island , where all the Inhabitants are under Disguises , Jealousies , Fears , and Misconstructions ; one man calls his Neighbour Whigg , and his Neighbour calls him Tory ; another man calls his Neighbour Fanatick , and his Neighbour calls him Tantivie-man . Pluto . By the Mass , I never heard of such feat Names be●ore . Belfagor . No , Sir , I believe you did not ; but 't is come to that pass now , that all the Goosequillers are got into the field , skirmishing continually , without any thoughts of Winter-quarters . Pluto . The Goosequillers , prithee what are those ? who commands them ? Belfagor . Why , may it please your most Serene Sootiness , they are for the most conversed with in the shapes of Men , but I rather look on them with a partie per pale prospect , half Devil , half Man. The great Generals of the Parties are , General Observator , General Heraclitus , General Advice from Rome , with several Brigadeers of lesser fame , as Col. Fetterlanio , &c. Pluto . What sort of Weapons do they use ? Belfagor . Pamphlets ▪ Sir : You may go into a Coffee-house , and see a Table of an Acre long covered with nothing but Tobacco-pipes ▪ and Pamphlets , and all the se●ts full of Mort●●● leaning upon their Elbowes , licking in Tobacco , Lyes , and Lac'd Coffee , and studying for Arguments to revile one another . Pluto . How comes all this to pass ? Belfagor . By vertue of a certain Devilish Engine , Sir , of your own inventing , called a Printing-press . Pluto . Ay , but all this while these are only Tools ; who are the Artists that manage and handle these Tools ? Belfagor . Sir , the Inhabitants of the Island told me , those Artists were great friends of yours ; that is to say , the Pope , and certain Viperous Animals of his fostering , called Priests and Jesuits . Pluto . O hang 'em , they 'd embroyl my Kingdoms too , if they could ; but thou knowest what massie Bolts and Locks I have been forced to keep 'em under , ever since I smelt 'em out , and what extraordinary corrections I give to keep them low and quiet . Well , but what pranks had these fellows been playing in Plotters Island ? Belfagor . Why , Sir , they have been playing the Devil with two sticks . They had set up a most cruel and dangerous Plot to destroy the Prince of the Island , and the greatest part of his best Subjects , which they call Hereticks ; but it being in time discovered , the design seemed so execrable , so detestable , so abominable , so pernitious and destructive to the very Being and Welfare of Mankind , that the Pope , his Priests and Jesuits , have been labouring all the ways imaginable to throw off the shame and ignominie of the thing from themselves ▪ and fix it upon the Hereticks . To this purpose they laid down this for a Maxim , That if the Prince of the Island were once set against that part of his Subjects which they most dreaded , and by them lately called Whiggs , and they provoked against the Government , he would not only be alienated from them , but be in a manner compelled , for his own security , to joyn with them against his new displayed Enemies . The design being thus laid , to imbitter the Prince against the Subject , & the Subject against the Prince , the Pope and the Jesuits embodyed themselves with the Tories , among whom credulity and heat of the brains raign very powerfully , and made them believe strange stories and Romances of the Whiggs , as if they were Machinating against Regal Government , setting up Republicks , building Castles in the Air for Garrisons , and lastly , that they intended to have seized upon the Person of the King ; Tales all as false as improbable , and such as have ridiculously , it seems , suffered since by the unsuccessful choice of the Witnesses and Proofs . Then the Observator and Heraclitus were left loose to bawl out Forty One , Forty One , Oh , Forty One , have a care of Forty One , beware of Forty One , Bow , wow , wow , wow , Forty One. Don't you remember , Sir , what a dreadful noise our Dog Cerberus made one night , when Theseus came Hectoring down hither , and broke your Highnesses Palace-Windows ? Pluto . Very well , for which Theseus gave the Cur such a confounded palt , after his manner , that his Tripple pate was forced to be noynted with butter and beer for six Months after . Belfagor . Well , Sir , even such a wicked noise do these two wide-mouth'd Melampus's make . And all this while the Tantivie-men spit i' their Mouths , collect silver sops for 'em among the rest of the Tribe ; and when they have reduced them into Aurum Potabile , present it ●or their farther incouragement . Having by these ways endeavoured to render the Subject suspected to the Prince , their next game was to render the Prince odious to the Subject , by advising him to recal his gracious Dispensation of severe Laws , and to cause penalties to be put in execution for the enforcement of their Conscience , of which the Whiggs are said to be extreamly nice and tender . A thing which the Whiggs lament very much , as knowing how little they vary in points of Controversie from the Tories . And the better to colour this design , they seized and imprisoned several of the Whiggs , and were so fortunate to hang a poor intruder ; by which means they thought to have struck at the whole Party ; but the ruine being circumscrib'd to his only Microcosme , the Intreague was buried with his Quarters . Pluto . So , then you say the Jesuits are they , that set the Tories and Whiggs together by the ears . Belfagor . You have it right , Sir , and they still continue the fewd . Pluto . All this while , good Belfagor what is a Tory ? what is a Whigg ? what are these Tantivie-men , these Observators , and these Heraclitus ? Belfagor . May it please your most Serene Tenebrositie , When I first came to hear of these uncooth Names , I was as much a gast as your Highness seems now to be ; I nere was so fraid i' my life , but that they had been some new inventions of the men of Schemes , to send us trotting about the world upon their Fools Errands ; but long it was not ere they began to make Characters one of another , or some body for them ; and that puts us out of those fears , all which I presently bought up , as well to inform my own ignorance , as your Highnesses curiosity . The first I met with was that of a Tory. Pluto . And where is it ? Belfagor . 'T is here in my paw , I intend if your Sootiness will give me leave , to read it . Pluto . Do so . Belfagor . A Tory is a Monster with an English Face , a French Heart , and an Irish Conscience . A Creature of a large Forehead , prodigious Mouth , supple Hams , and no Brains ▪ The Country-mans Description of him , was both Rhyme and Reason ▪ Roary , Whorey , Sworey , Scorey , That 's a Tory ; for Noise and De●●●chery , Oaths and Beggery , are the Four Elements that compose him : His Arms are those of Istacher , an Ass Cou●hant ; and his Mark is a Red Ribbon in his Cap , to shew , That he belongs to the Scarlet Whore , by her Bloody Lvery ; or else , you may take it for a Wedding Favour , That whenever Popery and Tyranny shall make a Match , he would fain be a Bride man. He seems descended from Esau , since he is so ready to Truck away an Invalluable Birthright for a French Kick shaw , and a Naus●ous Mess of Italian Pottage . Or if you will run his Pedigree higher , you may call him a Noddite , one of the Race of Cain the Murderer , that would fain be Persecuting his Brother , meerly because he is more Righteous than himself . Take our Tories in the State , and they are Caterpilers that Devour every green thing in a flourishing Kingdom , and would Stab Liberty and Property to the Heart , that they themselves like Beasts of Prey , might live wholly upon Sport and Rapine , ●it only to be Subjects to Neb●chadnezzar , when bereav'd of Humane sence , he hearded with the Wild Asses of the Desert . Though they boast themselves Englishmen , yet they act in all things as Antipodes to their Native Countrey , and seem rather Bogg-trotters Transplanted , the Spawn of some Redshanks , or the By-blows of the old lazy Lord-Danes , that once Domineer'd over our Ancestors . They are a sort of Wild Boars , that would root out the Constitution , and break the Ballance of our happy Government ; and render that Despotick , which hitherto has been both Established and bounded by Law. Fauxes in Masquerade , that with Dark-lanthorn Policies , would at once blow up the two Bulwarks of our Freedom , Parliaments and Iuries ; making the first only a Parliament of Paris : and the latter , but meer Tools , to Eccho back the pleasure of a Judge . They are so certain , that Monarchy is Iure Divino , that they look upon all people living under Aristocracies , or Democracies , to be in a state of Damnation ; and fancie , That the Grand Seignior , the Czar of Moscovy , and the French King , dropt down from Heaven with Crowns on their Heads , and that all their Subjects were born with Saddles on their backs . Your true Tory is as fond of Slavery ▪ as others are of Liberty , and will be at as much pains and charge to obtain it ; for he envies the happiness of Canvas Breeches a●d Wooden Shooes ; and extreamly admires the Mercy of the Inquisition . He rails at Magna Charta , as the Seed-plot of Sedition ; swears , that it was first obtain●d by Rebellion , and that all our Fore-fathers were Rogues ●nd Fools , and did not understand Prerogative . He wonders why people should squander away their time at the Inns of Court , or what need there is either of the Common-Law or the Statute-book , since the King might at any time , with quicker dispatch declare his pleasure in any Point or Controversie , and each Loyal Subject were bound to acquiesce , on pain of Damnation . Yet after all , his boasted Loyalty extends no further than a Drunken Health ; he Roars and Swaggers , but does not Serve the King ; he promises Mountains , and by Lies and Misrepresentations , gives false Measures , but performs nothing ; nor is it the Cause , but the Crust that he Barks for . Then in relation to the Church ; Tory is either a Crab-Protestant , that crawls backwards as fast as he can to Rome ; or at best , but the Cats foot wherewith the Romish Monkeys Claw the Protestant Religion till the Blood comes ; one that does their Drudgery , though he has not always the Wit to see it , and all the Wages he must expect , is Polyphemus's C●rtesie , to be Devoured last . He is a Flambeau kindled by the Jesuits , and flung in to make a Combustion amongst us . Whilst we were Hunting down their Plot with a full Cry , they slipt in their Deep mouth'd-Hound , who spending on a false Seent , diverted the Chase , and so the Popish Puss squats safe in her Form ; and now quitting the pursuit of the Foxes , he begins to worry the Sheep . He pretends high for the Church of England ; but as he understands not her Doctrine , so he dishonours her by his lewd Conversation . What a pretty pious Confession of Faith is it , to hear a Bully Cry , God-Dam-Mee , I am of the Church of England , and all the Presbyterians are Sons of Whores . ) Indeed , the only proof both of his Religion and Courage , is , that he swears most frequently by that Tremendous Name , at which , lesser Devils Tremble , and his Christianity consists in Cursing all those that he is pleased to call Phanaticks ; and Phanaticks he calls all those , that are not content to be either Papists or Atheists . His Tongue is always tipt with Dam-mee , and Forty One ; and so hot , ( being set on Fire of Hell ) that he is fain to drink Healths , ( sometimes to the Pope , and sometimes to the Devil , ) Sixty times an hour to quench it ; and then belches out Huzza's as fast , as Mount Strombulo does Fire and Brimstone . Whilst he clamours at Dissenters for not coming to Church , he thinks 't is Canonical enough to sleep over the Lords-day , to digest the Fumes of Saturdays Debauch , or take a walk in Guild-hall-yard , peep in at the Preacher , and presently retire to the Tavern for a whet to Dinner , or else to meet the Club of Witty good-mockers by Fleet-ditch side , and Droll away the day in Blasphemy , Ridiculing Religious Duties , or inventing Iack pudding Lies of some pretended Nonconformists Preaching . If he be somewhat of a more serious Temper , he is as very a superstitious Bigot , as any in the Papacy , he would rather have no Preaching , than that the Surplice should be left off , and thinks his Child not Christned , fit be not done with the sign of the Cross ; he counts Opus operatum sufficient , and if he have but been at Common-prayer , and made his Responses loud enough to drown the Clark , and had the Parsons Blessing , his Task is done and all is safe . Flesh on a Friday is more abomination to him , than his Neighbours Bed , aud he abhors more not to bow at the Syllables of the word Iesus , than to swear by the Name of God. He has got a New English Dictionary , framed by the Indefatigable skill of Heraclitus , and the Observator , whereby the Traversties the most Loyal honest sense into Blasphemy and Treason . Talk soberly of Religion , and he flaps you over the face with Heresie , Schism , Fanaticism , and Faction , or roundly calls you confounded Whigg , and so you are confuted . Urge never so modestly , Legal Fundamental Rights , and mention Irregularities , though in a place appointed to remedy them , he cryes out Rebellion ! Treason ! you Depose the King ! you Arraign the Government , &c. Mention the Commons of England , and the general sense of the Nation , and he exclaims , Dam the Mobile and your Appeals to the Rabble ; and yet at the same time Courts and Applauds Tag-Rag and Long-tail , the Cooks and Chandlers of New-Sarum , and such other Worshipful Patriots , for declaring their three half-penny Judgments of the highest Affairs of State , in their Addresses . And as for the two last Parliaments , every petty Chap-man or Apprentice-boy , takes upon him to Censure the grave Proceedings of those Venerable Senates , as malepartly as if they had been but a Company of Fidlers . Yet still he fears not God so much as a Parliament , but the reason why he Blasphemes the one , and Rails at the other , is , because as he really believes not a Future Judgement in the other world , so he puts far off the other ( to him ) evil day in this , and hopes to escape the Justice of both by the Mediation of Saint Noli prosequi . Pluto . Well , what 's the next ? for I like this so well , I must hear all the rest . Belfagor . Why , Sir , the next is the Character of a Whigg , but a thing so scurralously and weakly penn'd , that it cannot afford your Highness matter enough for one smile ; and therefore if you please , we 'll hang that by on the Jesuits file . Pluto . Do so , but what 's the next ? Belfagor . Why the Character of a Tantivie-man . Pluto . Come read that then . Belfagor . He is a jolly brisk young huff in Crape , Reperteeing , Rayling , Diolling , and Drinking ; his Library besides Comedies and Novels , are Grotius on the Canticles , his Votum propapacia , Ovid de acte a Mandi , Cassander , Pece Maimbourg , Sham History of Lutherism , and Bennets Spinoza , which you must know he reads for Confutation and direction only . As for his Religion , it is an Aristocracie , he can burlesque our little Discenting slaves at whom , while like a true Spiritual Venetian , he opposes the Priviledges of his Enthusiastick Parliament , to the Royalties of Holy Daddy ; and this under the specious pretence of their Liberties and Immunities , of the Gallicane and other Iure Divino Grandees , though he cannot for all that easily brook the Infallible Cheat ; yet should at this time of day go by the Elsabeth name of Anti-Christ . He is a Man-Midwife , and hath been for some years an Apprentice to Mother Celliers , yet affects a singularity in the Mysterie ; he would deliver the Monster with the heels foremost , all Systems in Theologie he dislikes , as savouring of Wittemberg and the Lake Lemaune , excepting this one concise and pithy one of his own compiling , which as being a lover of the art of climbing , he hath made in a Climax or Ladder , fashion thus ; No Christnings , no Salvation , no Salvation , no Grace , no Grace , no Bishops , no Bishop , no Salvation ; whence as clear as day light , Damnation to all Geneva men . His Church is much to large for a British-head ; for of late it reaches from the Isles of Orcades , to the Grand Seigniors Seraglio , and better fits the tearm of Fifth Monarchy Monsieur , then of a Protestant English Prince . He hath taken an Oath that his most Sacred Majesty , ( whom God for ever preserve from him and all false Traitors ) is in all causes and over all persons , in these his Dominions , supream Head and Governour ; and yet would perfidiously advance into his place , a Juncto of Forreign Mitre-men , wherein the very Pope if he 'll but for once disclaim Arbitrary power , and give his word to be Civil , may preside in pontificalibus . In a word , he is a servile Parasite , a proud Hector , the Cats foot to the Jesuit , an underminer of Civil power , a Monopolizer of base Spirits , a Disbeliever of Popish Plots , turns Faith into Pollicie , Religion into Intreague , and Devotion into Hypocrasie , Banters Heaven , abuses the World , and betrays his Country . Pluto . Belfagor , thou art a Rogue , I never laughed so heartily before ; specious pretences , and Bantring of Heaven , with a Rope to ' em . Well , the next . Belfagor . Why , Sir , the next , for the sake of dearly beloved Brotherhood , have so wrapt themselves up in one another , that I cannot read them distinctly . Pluto . Why then let 's have them as they are . Belfagor . The Character of the Observator and Heraeclitus Ridens . The one is a meer Fidler in Dialogues , the other plays the Treble to his Base . They skin and skarifie the Act of Oblivion , and teize about Forty One , till they loose it , to get Twenty shillings a week . After all their deep Contemplations , and delving in the Rubbish of the late times , the Observator keeps a great bustle in the world , to prove there is as much pleasure in borrowing discourse , as in stealing the affections of a young Lady against the consent of her Parents . He is one that tugs at the Labour Oare of Mischief , to turn the head of Conscience with his Tide . He and Heraclitus are the men , for whose sake Colledge may be in some measure pittied , for lying under the lash and sweet revenge of their Nonsensical and inhumane Triumphs . The Observator is one that Strange le thirsts and panteth after Adoration in Coffee-houses , and is the very Adonis of Sam 's in Ludgate-street ; where because he takes no Tobacco , he talks nothing but smoak . He and Heraclitus have reason to shake hands , in regard their Tails are so close tyed together , like Samsons Foxes , to fire the Nation . Neither Truth , Honesty , Reason , nor right Maxim of State do they consider , nor how to temper the various mixtures in the variety of Opinions ; suffering themselves to be carried away with the stream of present Transactions , and forgetting the rules of that profession , to which they both aspire , that there is Harmony in Discord ; which since it cannot be avoided , is to be well and artificially bound and sweetned , not exasperated . It may be questioned whether the Observator and Heraclitus may not more truly be said to be the Iack-puddings of the Nation , that play the Fool during the Fair-time , for the private advantage of them that set 'em at work ; or the Ignes Fatui , that endeavour to lead the people astray with their false lights , appearances of Reason only , and the evening-flashes and dazlings of unpondred truth . They are the common Receptacles of Contribution Drollery . Were every Mans Name to his Conceit , their Pamphlets would look like the Roll of Benefactors in Pauls , the true experiment of the Proverb , Tot homines , quot sententiae . It may be thought , that like Castor and Pollux , they were hatch'd out of a Leda's Egg , while they make such havock of Goosequils , and act the parts of officious Ganders over the rest of the vulgar flock : though it is not to be imagined , that the Capitol of the Common-weale should ever be saved by their clamorous impertinences , yet they may be said to be like Mongrels , that bark at Sowgelders . They are afraid of something by a sympathetick Compunction , yet know not what to call it . Tory and Whigg are the ground-work upon which they lay the Purle and Embroidery of their fictitious contrivances . With these implements , and other sheepmarks of distinction , they endeavour to raise a Civil War in every private Familie , to break and dissolve the harmless bonds of honest Society and Conversation , and Guelph and Ghibelline the Nation into confusion . Sometimes they are so confident as to name particular persons , and barbarously let loose the detested custom of the Vetus Comoedia , so long ago exploded by the Civil Greeks , to worry the Reputation of those that will not feed their humours . The Jesuit is now got a t'other side , and frisks it in his wanton conceits , like a fat Heifer in a rich pasture ; and chuckles again to see those that confounded his Real presence , and other shams of his prophane Idolatrie , now reviling and tongue-persecuting those that hope for the joys of Eternity by a better Sacrament . 'T is true , they are very merrie , but still they play like Melancholly Gamesters , the right hand against the left ; so that 't is no wonder they should win all they throw at . Only sometimes they get a Rub from Ludgate-hill , and then they crie , Hoop , here 's work for another week . But as one passionate word in scoulding draws on another , and the feud will never abate , while the heat and Fury of the animosities is continued ; therefore it were to be wished , that care might be taken for the suppression of all those Goosequil Pickerers . They are base and inconsiderate , more swayed by Pence , G●inies , and Irish Consciences , than by true Loyaltie or Reason . They make no distinction between Dissenters out of Faction , and Dissenters out of pure and Immaculate Consciences ; but run tempestuously upon a most undoubted Body of the Protestant Religion without exception . Masqueraded Champions , and it seems well paid for their Tilting . They consider not , that though Reflexions upon Sovereign Princes are abominable , yet the sober and temperate discourse of Libertie was always allowed . Besides , they can never be said to write well , who are not able to justifie themselves to all the Inquisitions of the Government wherein they live ; therefore neither the Observator nor Hera●litus can be said to write well , because the very noise of a Parliament terrifies them , more than the ratling of Thunder did Caligula ; it drives the one again to his Batavian Sanctuary , and without blast founders the Sayling Vessel with all its Cargo . Pluto . Why these are fine fellows indeed ! Well , but how Belfagor did you find these Characters to agree with the persons ? Belfagor . All the observation I could make was this , that they agreed well enough with some , but very ill with others . They hit the humours of the vain and looser sort of the one , and the more designing and turbulent of the other party , but never touched the rest , who are of all the far greater number . So that all this paperscuffling seemed to me , to be only to amuse the Vulgar and the Ignorant , and to raise a general combustion in the Nation , to the end the State-Salamanders might secure themselves in the flames . And for the Scriblers themselves , those great Generals of so many Battalions of Wast-paper , I leave to your Highnesses judgment , for I am sure it will one day come to that , whether or no they would not write for your Sootiness upon occasion , being such as only for the present farm out their extravagant fancies , and lowly surrender themselves to be the Tools of Mischief and Disorder for a little immediate gain ; wherein they are yet so unsuccessful , as not to gain the least conquest upon men of Reason or Discretion . Sir , did you ever hear of Forty One ? Pluto . Yes , and was my self a great actor too at that time . Belfagor . And what does your Highness think of an old , cunning , weather-beaten States-man , that should go about to recover an Intreague in which he had once lost himself , by the same measures , by the same beaten road , and by the same trite and common artifices , still so fresh in memory , that every ordinary Politician in power would easily know how to obviate . Pluto . I should think him a fool , a meer fisher for Frogs , that thinks to catch the Multitude again with a bait , which they had swallowed already , so much to their prejudice . Belfagor . Wherefore then so much noise with Forty One ? the stale , over-worn , thread-bare pretences of which , are now known to every Apprentice ; which makes me think , that the Whiggs , men of deep profound consideration , and that have much to loose upon 〈◊〉 , must have newe● studyed and ●esined intreagues , if any at all , than those of Forty One , or else it is impossible that they should be guilty of those practices which are laid to their charge ; from whence it is as impossible they should ever dream for the least success , while there is but two penny-worth of vigilancy over ' em . Besides , Sir , one thing more I observed in my Travels , that before the Grand Plot , the Whiggs were accounted good Subjects , had all the Gratious Complyance , Loyal hearts , and open Purses , that could be wished for ; so ▪ that all things past seemed to be buryed in the grave of oblivion . But no sooner was the Grand Plot of your Hignesses Nephew the Pope discovered , but up starts Forty One in a Winding-sheet , and made such a noise i' the ●treets , that nothing could stand in competition with it . Then it was that the Popish-landers , countenanced by some of the greatest personages in Plotters-Island , like the Hare , that never makes more doublings and turnings , than when she hears the full cry of fields ring the peal of Death in her ears , finding the Whiggs in chase of their Plot , and still tracing it upon the hot scent of fresh discovery , were resolved , if they could , to spoil their noses , by strewing good store of pepper all along upon the trail . To this purpose they set up one of their Minions to thwart the first Discoverer , to contradict him , teaze him , vex him , discountenance , discourage and render him fallacious , an Impostor , and consequently ridiculous to the people . Nay , he was so venturous , though he durst not absolutely deny the Plot , in the Infancie of its Discovery , as to fix it so for a time by his Libelling Charms , that it seemed to hang in an airy doubt between Truth and Untruth ; like your Highnesses Brother Mahomets Tomb between Heaven and Earth . But his Magick spells being broken by the Grand Senate of ●lotters Island , it rested again upon the Terra firma of the so much upbraided discovery , and then the Maggot was forced to creep into a Holland-Cheese , for fear of being brought to condign punishment . For the Grand Senate of the Island , notwithstanding all his little potions of Intoxication , found , and adjudged it to be a Plot , caressed the Discoverers , and prosecuted the Criminals with that Noble Zeal , that your Highness well knows the Harvest you have reaped thereby . Pluto . Ah Belfagor , Belfagor , a poor Wheatsheaf to what I should have had , could the design have been complicated , and I have had but my due ! Belfagor . I confess it , most Fuscous Lu●ifer ; I have always had that experience of your Justice , that you love not to be named with the Innocent . Pluto . I cannot say so Belfagor , for the Nocent and Innocent are all one to me . But I must needs say , when the Innocent come in shoals , I have a far worse opinion of them that send , than of those that are sent , as verily believing there must be most devillish foul play i' the case . Belfagor . Thus far , Sir , as I have hinted before , all the Treason , all the Ignominie , all the Shame , all the Villany of the design , all the blame that your Highness could have had , had you been guilty of it your self , lay upon the necks and shoulders of the Popish-landers . All which rendred them so abnoxious all over the world , and made the burthen so heavie , which otherwise they would have made no more of , than of a Larks feather , that they resolved to rid themselves of it ▪ if it were possible to be done by the art of Jesuits ; and I was informed , that they had sent a most splendid Embassie of Thirty , thousand Masses and Ora pro Nobis's , and that your Nephew the Pope had offered you the Restitution of Purgatorie , to give your assistance . Pluto . 'T is very true , Belfagor , what you say , and thereupon we advised with our Chief Iustice Rhadamanthus about it , who told us , they were a company of Villains and Poltrons , and had so much craft and cunning already , that if we lent them any more , we might chance to rue the fatal effects of our kindness ; and desired us to beware the sad example of our Father Saturn . Thereupon we excused our selves , by telling 'em , that neither we nor our Royal Consort had ever been bred to Church-Musick , and therefore had no kindness for it ; and that for their Exorcisms , we had now learnt more wit than to fear ' em . Belfagor . Then I believe that it was upon the return of their Embassie , that they set up to work for themselves , for presently they raised a hugeous high Mountain which they called Forty One , out of the Mines of an old Garrison long ago dismantled ; from the top of which they daily discharged whole Volleys of Invectives , Libels , Tales , Stories , Shams , Surmises , Calumnies , and several other such kind of paper-Squibs against the Whiggs , to make a breach in the Reputation of the whole Party . This was diligenrly carryed on by their two principal Generals of the Artillery , Don Observatore , and Don Heraclitus , who have laboured at the Battery day and night for some time . Truly , Sir , it behoov'd the Papists so to do , for their necessities pressed hard upon 'em at first , for the principal Provinces of Plotters Island , that is to say , Tory-land , Whigg-land , and Tantivie-shire , were against 'em , and the chief Governour of Iusticia was a Whigg-lander , by whose admirable Courage and Conduct the Plotters were every where overthrown , defeated , and cut off ; which the Popish-landers seeing , resolved , if possible , to gain him to their side ; and at length so far prevailed , that for a good round sum he being very poor and in debt , surrendred up the Garrison of Iusticia , into the hands of the Popish-landers , by which means the Seer W. the Princess of Mealtubia , and several other most Notorious Plotters made their escapes , to the incredible joy and advantage of the whole party ; who animated with this success , with a very numerous army of specious pretences , large promises , slie insinuations , cunning perswasions , false Oaths , crafty protestations , and Masqueraded counterfeits , soon reduc'd a great part of Tory-land under their subjection , and are now endeavouring the utter ruine and devastation of Whigg-land , not doubting but to undermine the whole Plot , and so blow it upon Whigg-land ; to which purpose these Tory-land Pamphleteers , like Moles , lie delving and digging unwarily in the dark and obscure Mines of Jesuitism , little dreaming that the Mines will at length fall upon ' emselves ; nor considering that whatever Interests or Prerogatives of Princes the Popish-landers may pretend , Perae il mondo , e ruina il cielo , is their Motto ; they care not though all the Interests and Prerogatives of all the Princes in the world were utterly ranverst , so they may uphold their own . And all this proceeds from the enormous pride of the Clergy , who not enduring any Equals , much less Superiours , would have all the world under their girdles . And thus having given your most Illustrious Sootiness the best account I can , of the hazards and incumbrances you will meet with in attempting upon the Globe of the Earth , I again advise you to keep your old station , where you live at ease , with full Command and Dominion . Pluto . Well , but is there no appearance of Reconciliation ? Belfagor . Truly , Sir , by what I observe , my opinion is , there 's little probability for 't , so long as these Swarms of Pamphleteers are suffered . For though Impeachments and Accusations upon just ground are always to be allowed of , yet Calumnies are never to be endured among a Free people ; they only irritate , never chastize , but are often made use of to justifie the effects of provocation . Pluto . Well then , if it be so , I 'le keep where I am . But are they all so sullen and morose ? is there no mirth among ' em ? Belfagor . Why , truly Sir , I 'le tell ye , not long since , I met with two merry Relations , the one among the Tory-landers , the other among the Whigg-landers ; the first concerned a Whigg-lander , who had been poysoned with the blast of an Irish Conscience , flown from the breath of a randan Tantivie-man ; that among the Whigg-landers concerned a certain stripling in the Law , son , as they said , to the late Governour of the Fortress of Iustici● , who so publickly was degraded for his Misdemeanours , and commonly called the Catholick Lawyer ; I was shewed him once in the street in a Coach , hung about with loose ratling Irons , which made a noise like little Bells , which made me look to see what Coaches followed him ; because I had observ'd , that the foremost of your Carriers Horses always travail with a Coller of Bells about their necks ; whether it were his pride or his ambition , I can't tell ; however , he got a name by it , and is like to keep it , for they call him Gingling Will ; he pretends , they say , to be a second Mercurie for swiftness of heels , and swears he would have undertaken to have kept pace with the Eagle that carryed Ganymed to your Brother Iupiter . Insomuch , that he had like to have got on of the best places in the Penny-post-Office , had he not spoiled his preferment by the loss of a Match which he made to run with a Tinker , both naked , for Three Guineys , all the length of the Pall Mall in St. Iames's Park . Pluto . And you say Gingling Will , as you call him , did run this Match . Belfagor . Yes , a' nt like your Highness , and the Tinker won it too for the Tinker put the sham upon him , by disguising another more nimble of foot to run it for him . Pluto . By Styx , when he comes into my clutches , I 'le make him run't over again , rather than I 'le have a Catholick Councellor so baffled by a Tinker . Belfagor . The same Relation informed me likewise , that as he was a great Racer himself , so he thought it also convenient to keep a running Nag . To which purpose when the Carter brought the Money to pay his Father for the surrender of the Garrison of Iusticia , the young Squire knocks off the hoops of one of the Firkins , cram'd his pockets , and presently tript it away to the chief City of Plotters ●●land ; thither being come , his Money burning in his breeches , he repaired for a Cooler to a Reverend old Matron , whom your Highness well knows , as having been long famous for sin and iniquity , called Betty Buly . Oh , Sir , I cannot pass her by without an Encomium ; she has sent many a restless piece of young Kid , and Barren Doe to your Royal Consorts Table ; and for Sauce , many a small Barrel of Gentlemens Pallats , and Tips of Noses , instead of champignions , pickl'd in Decoctions of Guiacum and Sarsaperi●●a . To this good Lady the vertuous Squire , full of his Fathers temptatation , Gold , goes and proffers her five Guinies to procure him a Virgin Intact . Pluto . Five Guineys , Belfagor ? why , are Maidenheads so flush i'th at place , that the price is fallen so low ? I ha' known the time when a Mortal could hardly get one for love or money . Belfagor . Oh , Sir , the case is altered now , for old Mother Shiptons Proph●sie has almost ●rought it self about , with five or six Women to one man. But she presently took the measure of his narrow Soul , and fitted him accordingly ; for instead of a Virgin , she brought him an old , cunnings , Gilting Whore , that infused such a Pabylonish Contagion into him , that what between the Tinker and the Harlot , he is unrecovered to this day , and finds enough to do to keep himself upon his l●gs . And which was worse , the story● breaking forth with the Dis●●●per , it was carried to his Clyents the Imprisoned Lords , in the chief Castle upon Pl●tters Island , which gave occasion to the Ladies in company , not only to laugh heartily , but also to make Re●lections upon his dole●ul condition . While one of them could not refrain from discovering the intended gratitude of the whole part to the fools that serve them , saving , Though 〈…〉 So that i● is much to be 〈◊〉 , y●ur Highness will loose your old acquaintance , 〈…〉 ; it being the vogue of all Plotters Island , that she des●rv●s a Canoni●ation ▪ for b●ing thus instrumental in the Mor●ifi●●tion of this little 〈◊〉 . Pluto . I should have disown'd the old I●de for my Scholar , as thou well knowst she was , had she done otherwise . Al●s five pound and a Crown ! Belfagor . After this , Sir , and the swallowing of many a bitter Potion , and many a long Quick-silver spit , the young Squire being a little recruited , would needs go a swan-hopping after a young G●ntlewoman in the Country , whom under the pretence of Matrimony he had formerly made love to , and obtained her promise . But that not being his design , he inveigled her up to the Chief City of the Island , where at a penurious Treat , he took occasion to drench her with such an Opiate Dose , that the young Damsel fell into a sound sleep , in which condition she was put to bed . Plut● . By Styx ; a most ●xcellent way to take a Maid●nhead napping . But now I think on 't , my Cousin Hecate plaid her beloved Endymion just such another trick , and enjoyed him in a dream . But I 'le tell thee Belfagor , there must be great care taken of this Spark when he comes here ; for he that will lye with a Maid in a dead sleep , will not spare to lye with the dead themselves . And if my Subjects should once get the trick on 't , what a new generation of Devils should we have ? I tell thee the cons●quences of th●se things are evil . Belfagor . Now , Sir , when the vertue of the Potion was spent , the unvirgined Gentlewoman awak'd ; but when she ●ound how the Gingling Squire had used her , grief and Despair threw her into those desperate fits , that brought a most violent Feaver upon her ; and such a dis●raction seized her for the loss of her Honour , that she could scarcely recover her former temper in Nine Months ; at the end of which she made a worse Discoverry , and there was no concealing the business , for she was with Child . And now your Sootiness , according to your wonted justice , expects to hear that Gingling Will should have made her amends by Marrying her . But he took the more gentle and modish way ; he only kept her for a year or two ; then that she might partake with him as well in his adversity , as prosperity , for he gave her a bountiful proportion of those marks of affection which he had received at Betty Buly's , and so dismissed her . And these , Sir , are your Tory ways of courting and consummating their Amours . Then , Sir , for their valour , they are very quarrelsome , especially upon the refusal of a Health . Pluto . Oh Belfagor , I have always observed , that Love and Honour go together . Belfagor . No , not too much of Honour neither , for , may it please your Highness , there are various tempers of men . Some valiant men cannot endure to see a Cat ; others will never stand ye with a Custard at the Swords point . And thus it fares with our man o● Honour ; for he cannot endure an Oaken plant in a Countrymans hand , called Dorathey , but if he sees it , sneaks into an Alley , and if pursued , surrenders up his silver-hilted Sword to be pawn'd at discretion , and redeem it if he think it worth his labour . But upon the refusal of a Health he takes another course ; for then he proceeds gradually , first he star●s ye i' the face , and cries Zounds , what not drink the D's Health ? then he throws a glass of Wine i'you● face ; and if this be not taken well , he takes up a glass Bottle , beats a point of War upon your face , and presently breaks out two or three of your Teeth . And , Sir , let me tell you , there is nothing so frequent as these squabbles in Plotters Island ; but they are very advantageous to your Highnesses Quarter-ma●●er-generals my L. Sata● , and my L. Belzebub . As for example , if any person denies to drink the D. de P. Health , presently another cries Damme , w●at not drink the health ? Damme ▪ he shall drink it . So by the refusal of one Health ▪ they g●● ten or twenty swinging assurances of Body and Soul to ●ll up the● Chinks of Hell. And all this proceeds from the A●imo●ties which are daily blown up and cherished by the Pamphlet●●●s , those Tools of the Iesuits , the Observator and Heraclitus . Pluto . Well , here 's enough concerning the Son ; but what 's now become of the Father ? Belfagor . Your Highness means the Governour of the fortress of Iustice. Pluto . Yes , I do so . Belfagor . Then I 'm right : Why , Sir , no sooner had he surrender'd up that Fortress , ( which he did for such a sum of money as would have tempted your Highness your self , ) but he was reentrusted to look after the utter demolishing of that Fort ; wherein he shewed himself so active , as if he had had a Spleen against that lovely Palace . Against the detectors of the Plot , no man more malicious and inveterate ; nay , a person could not appear to give Evidence against a Popish-la●der , but 't was presently , Whipstaff , Tip●●aff , take that Rog●e , and cast him into the Dung●on of Banco prisoni● ; which was no sooner said but done . But to the ●opish-landers , no man more condescending , more soft , patient , and more indulgent : to the Princes of Mealetubia , like Pyramus to Thisbe ; to the Baron of Astonaria , like Pylades to Orestes : And so a great part of the Walls of the Fortress fell down : And doubtless it had been totally ruin'd , had not the great Senate of Plotters Island opposed his p●oceedings . So that he was at length sent into the Countrey with a thing called a Quietus e●t , to enjoy what he has so bas●ly got , with the Curses of the Islanders . Pluto . I hope he does not now lye quiet , and study R●p●ntance ; 'sfoot he 's a fat gobbet , I would not miss him for any thing . Belfagor . Yes , and deserves to be severely handled for certain Treasonable words , which I am informed he spoke against y●ur Highness , not long since . Pluto . What words ? Belfagor . Why , Sir , he said , Dam me . — Pluto . Well , what hurt in that ? Belfagor . None , Sir ; but he said further , I demolished the 〈◊〉 Colemannia in spight of the Court ; I delivered up the Fort of Wak●mannia in spight of the City , and I will be Governou● of the Fortr●s● 〈◊〉 Iusticia still , in spight of the Devil . Pluto . Bid our Attorney-General take particular notice of this . Belfagor . The sooner the better , Sir , for he begins to droop . Pluto . How know you that ? Belfagor . By his own confession , Sir , for quoth he at the same time , Though I am an Old fellow , and cannot drink , swear , fight and wh●re so well as formerly I could , yet I have a Son that is Castor and ●ollux , two in one skin , that can and shall do all together , to s●rve the 〈◊〉 - landers . And then straining the point a little fa●ther , he th●s proceeded : I have two Daughters also that shall perform their parts at all th●se accomplishments of M●dish Galla●●ry . Pluto . A my word Belfagor , this Governour understands trap ; thou knowst 't is our way to have our Temp●a ions ready for a brisk opportunity . But if he don't being himself into play , both his Sons and his Daughters too will be soon forgot . For the Sons of such p●rsons , ●ou know , like the Sons of Parsons , seldome come to good , and their Daughters are as little , regarded after their Fathers are laid aside , and are consequently dead either in their authority , or dec●ased to us . Belfagor . Oh , Sir , he has been endeavouring to glister in the world again . And to that purpose , believing a Privy-Councellors place might have been bought , offered some of his Popish-landers Gold for the Imployment ; but the impudent and impolitick offer rendred him so despicable and unfit for so high a dignity among Mortals , that they say ●he bit off both his Thumb-nails for madness that he had committed such an Errour . Pluto . And well he might : he a Privy-Councellor ▪ by Styx , that Prince would be well served that makes use of him ; he a Privy-Councellor ! he a Wine-Porter . Belfagor . Oh , Sir , but this is not all ; I was informed by my Brother Ramballat , who was either your Agent that conducted the person that carried the Cordial Mass , or else Tempter-General to the Governour in your behalf , who was present at a discourse that hapned between a certain M●●sieur , Mons●●ur Fran●●is , who was Agent in Plotters Island for the Soveraign of Francia , and the Popish-landers . It was in the Summer-time , when the decl●●ing Sun had spread the ●erth with the long shades of several tall Elms , that were guarded from the brousing Cattle with s●ndry sweet-smelling brakes . Then I say it was , when Monsi●ur Fr●n●●is , and the Governour of the Fortr●ss of Iu●ticia , wearied with Travail , or else to rec●●ate their tired cogitations , had lain themselves down undiscovered from each other ; when on a suddain , Monsieur François disburth●ning , his mind to himself , uttered these words : By my Arbitrary power I●●e make him Absolute ere I return . Arbitrary ? Absolute , quoth the Governour , why that 's the thing I have been driving at ; and presently , spying Monsieur Fran●●is , made up to him , and with his broad-brimm'd Hat , and bended brows , accosted him . Who art thou , quoth Monsieur Fran●ois ? Why , I am that late famous Knight , the Governour of the Fortress of Iusticia . To which Monsieur Francois replyed , O , ho , Bon jour , bon jour , Monsieur le Governur . Pray speak English , Sir , quoth the Governour , for I have burnt my Tongue already with learning to speak French. Thereupon my Brother Ramballat was chosen to be Interpreter between them , so they began and went on as follows . Monsieur Francois . Why , man , what 's the matter , are all things turn'd topsie turvie ? Governour . So it seems , Monsieur : But did not you talk of Arbitrary , and Absolute , just now ? Monsieur . Yes I did , and what then ? Governour . Why because I was an Aslertor of the disquieted Title to Plotters Island , which the Whigglanders call'd Crime , and an Endeavouring to set up Arbitrary and Absolute Power . Monsieur . En bien , was that all your crime ? that may be mine too for ought I know ; for such is my business , and I am not to stir , until it be effectually done : But I have the Cash , the Cash , man , and that alone will do the work at long run . Governour . Cash , what Money ? Monsieur . Yes Money , the very Life and Nerves of Intrigue and Design , the very weapon by which my Master hath made all those great Conquests which he now enjoys ; and by which , if he lives but a few years longer , he 'll subdue the whole World. Governour . How unhappy have I been , that could not be sooner accquainted with you ; perhaps I might have been serviceable , and I 'm sure his Coyn would have been acceptable enough to me . Monsieur . No matter , 't is not too late yet ; though you are out of Power , yet your advice may be serviceable , and i● you 'll come in for your share at that , I 'll take care to procure you a Pension . Governour . Agreed , Monsieur Francois , with all my heart , and bring my Son in too ; for of Idleness comes nothing , 't is the moving hand gets the pence . Monsieur . Your Son , I know him , he 's a thick-s●ul'd , hot-headed , sottish Clown , that can do us little good , unless it be to go now and then to Coffee-houses , and Huff , Swear , Ram and Dam against the Whigglanders , and that will scarce do neither , for they are grave , sober , serious , warie Sophisters , that must be handled gently , by men of Parts , learned , affable , and obliging , not by the heats and feuds of Ninnies and Fools . Governour ▪ However , you see my good-will to your Cause . But what sort of employment must mine be , and what my Pension ? Monsieur . Your employment must be at all , and your Pension according as you deserve . Governour . By my troth this is very hard , though 't was once in my power to have made my own tearms , but now it seems I must , be forc'd to come in upon yours . Monsieur . Ay , and a good shift too . But in short I 'll tell you the design , provided you will be sworn to secrecy , and then you will be able to guess whether or no you can do us any service . Governour . 'T is agreed , I am sworn , now go on . M●nsieur . Why , I suppose you have heard of my Masters pretentions to the Dukedome of Burgundy , Luxemburg , &c. All which is as good as his own al●eady ; you cannot but have heard likewise , that he hath broke the Nimmeghen League by the taking of Strasburgh , why now he ●esolves to fall upon Flanders , which he hath reason to think himself pretty secure of : For though we have been seemingly asleep , under a Notion of Peace , yet our powerful Coyn hath been moving in all parts of the World , but particularly in Flanders , where we have made so many of the Spanish Officers our own , that whenever my Master pleases to draw his Sword. — Governour . Draw his Sword , why must there be fighting again ? M●nsieur . Yes , a little for the colour of the thing . Governour . Your Master is the devil of a man , he Conquers more in the times of Peace , than all the European Princes besides can do , by the greatest face of War they are able to make . Monsieur . And therefore he is so much the more to be commended . Governour . No , pardon me for that , Sir , pray where are the brave and Heroe-like Feats of War ? I find nothing but what 's done by ●●eachery , and Princes gul'd out of their Countries under the Notion of Peace ; which sort of Actions among Princes and Kings , are of all others most base and mean. Monsieur . But if you prate at this rate , Monsieur le Governour , ●are well , for I cannot endure . — Governour . Nay , hold Sir , if you will not hear what I can say against , as well as for , the Interest of your Master , how can you think that I shall understand my business , or ever be able to serve him ? Monsieur . That 's true . Governour . Then pray go on , but you must give me leave to interrupt you sometimes . Monsieur . Why , when we are once in possession of Flanders , you know what Inroads and other great advantages we have upon the Vnited Provinces , so that they shall be constrained for their own safety , either to put themselves under my Masters protection , or else be liable to have their whole Country Marched over when frozen , and burnt , or set under water and ruined in a short time . Governour . What then ? what have I to do with all this ? you know that I am an old ●ellow , and can't go abroad . ●onsieur . I thought you a more judicious man , that 's not required of you , you must hear this and a great deal more , or else you 'l never understand any thing . This is the Scheme of my Masters Affairs all over the world , and will you not hear it ? Governour . Yes , yes , pray go on , Sir. Monsieur . Why , when we are secured from the danger of Holland , have taken in Savona , Geneva , and some other as considerable Garrisons in those parts , which my Master hath now intitled himself to , by taking in Casal , when he hath procured his Son to be Crowned King of the Romans , the thing he hath so long desir'd , and either secur'd his Alliances with the Dane , Swede , Brandenburgh , and some other of the Palatinate Princes , or put them into a state of N●utrality : When he shall have brought the Malecontents of Hungaria under the protection of the Turk , and secur'd him by an Offensive and Defensive League , by that time my Master hopes his Interest here may be so considerably increas'd , that it may be worth while to bring a considerable Fleet of men of War into the narrow Seas , to block up the Mouth of the River of Thames , and turn the whole Trade into Holland , the East Country , or ●lsewhere , and so having sufficiently weakned you , at once to pour into the bowels of your Country an Army of Eighty or a hundred thousand men . Governour . But if your Master do all this , what occasion is there for such an interest to be made here , as you seem to desire ? Monsieur . Oh , very material , for my Master never strikes till he be secured every way , and therefore a 〈◊〉 well-insinuated interest here , would be of great moment at such a juncto , when my Master should Invade you ; and in order thereunto , I am sent over to promote a right understanding amongst all our Friends , and to see that such as can be serviceable may have Pensions setled upon ' em . But as for those that only pretend , and do us no service , as there are many such , they must e'en pack off ; for my Master hath spent vast sums of Money about this Affair already , and resolves to be bubbl'd out of no more . Governour . Why now you 're come to the point : But how are those Pensions to be paid ? have you a Fund here ? Monsieur . Yes , and have had one for several years past . Governour . Well then , pray tell me wherein I can contribute to the advancing your Masters Interest here , how the posture of your Affairs stands , and who are your principal Friends . Unless I know this , I can do you but little service . I finde you are no stranger to my Affairs ; and therefore you well knowing how much I have been exposed already , I hope you will allow me instruments to work at a distance with . Monsieur . We expect from you nothing so much as Advice in points of Law , and in which we must be concern'd sometimes . As for our Interest here , 't is totally wrap'd up in the-so-much-disputed Succession ; and what that does , gives life and being to our designs . The immediate posture of our Affairs , seems to be very secure , nothing having more largely contributed thereto , than the late Transactions in Scotland ; which to our best view hath brought all things to a Crisis : so that all depends now upon a Senate here , that may be as fit for our purpose as that in Scotland hath been . Governour . And how to procure that , is the great thing of all . Monsieur . You 're i' the right on 't , Monsieur le Governour , and that I believe will be your Task ; which if you can but obtain , will not onely give you the whip-hand of all your Whigland Antagonists , but make your name great and famous to Posterity : for the time is coming , according to the common Proverb in France , Vn Dieu , un Roy , un Religion , over all the World ; and if you can conttribue any thing to this , happy will be the hour you were born in . Governour . I 'll do what I can . But I did desire to know your Masters principal Friends that are concerned in this great Affair . Monsieur . All that will follow of course by and by . Governour . Well then , what is it you would expect from a Senate here , if it were possible to get one for your Masters purpose ? Monsieur . Oh , I 'll tell you . We should be modest enough : for all our desire at present is , onely to procure a Bill for fixing the Succession on D. de P. another for Liberty of Conscience , or Toleration as some term it ; a third , an Act of Oblivion or Indemnity ; to make room for which , we are endeavouring to render the Whig-landers as criminal to the Senate , as the 〈◊〉 have been● and fourth , to prohibit all our Country-Commodities . Governour . As for the three first , I understand 'em well enough ; but what can you get by the last ? Monsieur . Why if a general Prohibition should pass upon all ou● Country-goods , and my Master have at the same time the command of the Sea● , it would be an excellent colour to block up your River , as I told you before , and turn your Trade another way ; nay , it might be a Shooi●g-horn to draw on a War between the two Crowns . Governour . But how do you think we shall be able to bring this matter to pass , so as to have a Senate for our purpose ? Monsieur . Oh , for that I 'll tell you , Monsieur le Governour , you have many Drinking Corporations ; and some of 'em being well ●ly'd with good Beef , Bag-pudding , Wine , Beer , Brandy , and Tobacco , cannot fail for some of our Friends , more especially if we take but the least care to make the more mercenary part of 'em ours . We are no niggards of our Money in those cases . This being done according to our usual way of doing business , warily , will so enhance the Expences of the Competitors , that i● a Senate be called but once in every year , according to our expectation , we shall so win upon the Multitude by our Generosity , that it will be impossible to fail of carrying all before us . Governour . And then what fine sport will it be to find the Electors swindg'd off by Laws of their own making and consent● Monsieur . Nay , that 's not all ; for we have this advantage besides ; There are many Gentlemen who serve for such Drinking Corporations , whose Estates are not worth above five of six hundred pounds per Annum , and out of that they have great Families to maintain ; so that the spending of a years Rent ( as some of 'em must do , if we take any care ) once a year about their Elections , for four or five years together , will so tire 'em , that they shall be glad to lay down the Cudgels . Governour . In that , I believe you 're right , Sir : but perhaps all of 'em may not quit the point so . Monsieur . No matter : As for those that will not , they must be accoasted with great Offers and Advantages , and some considerable Pensions for the time present ; and these Offers with Necessities , are great Temptations . Governour . I know it full well . Monsieur . And that person who has but five hundred pounds per Annum , and has been forc'd to spend it all about his Election , perhaps may be glad to snap at a Crust of 1000 l. per Annum , either to decline the thing , or else to stand bound by promise to serve our turn , and have all his Election-charges born besides . Governour . Aye sure , a man would think so ; but how long shall such a Pension be made to continue payable ? Monsieur . Till the Senate have done our business . Governour . No longer ? Monsieur . No longer , no : Why do you think , Monsie●r le Governour , that my Master intends to keep 'em in pay as long as they live ? Governour . Yes , and reason good too , I think , where a man must hazard his All to serve him . Monsieur . Perhaps some few may be so paid , as your self , and , &c. but my life for yours , my Master knows better , than to continue his Bribes to all of 'em : He loves the Treason , but hates the Traytor after he hath serv'd him ; as his usage to the Governour of Messina doth demonstrate . Governour . What a fine condition had our last Pensionary - Senate then been in , according to this account ! But , Sir , do you think that any Gentleman will be prevailed with to betray his King and Country , his Life and Fortune , his Religion , his Liberty and Property , for a Song ? Monsieur . Yes , believe it , yes : for you your self have made an observation on the late Pensionary - Senate , and that 's true enough : for those Pensioners would have done all that , and a great deal more , and yet they were very honest Gentlemen . Governour . Gentlemen , do you call ' em ! what and so qualified ! Pray where 's their Honour ? Monsieur . Pish ; that you of all men living should ask such a question ! Why Honour 's laid aside then : for such a man must have no Fortune , no Religion , no Honesty , no value for his own Life ; and such Qualifications as these , goes far in our business . Governour . You may expect from 'em long enough , I doubt , before you 'll find your business done by such men in these parts : Perhaps more Northernly such a thing might take ; but here — Monsieur . Why now I find you are totally against me . Governour . No , no , Sir ; 't is onely my unhappiness , that I cannot be rightly , understood ; I onely make Objections for my own satisfaction : I am yours fast ●nough ; but you must allow me to scruple Niceties sometimes ▪ Monsieur . Any reasonable thing , for your better information , is allowable . Governour . Why then suppose the Pretensions of your Maste● ( which you told me of just now ) to Luxemburg , Burgundy &c. should prove a Fallacie , his interest in Flanders thrown out of doors ▪ and by that means be put by those Inroads and great Advantages which he expects to have into the Vnited , Provinces : Suppose they should have no regard to , but rather slight his Protection : Suppose he should , instead of taking in Savona , Genoa , and those other considerable places in them parts , which he now seems to have such a vigilant eye upon , and pretends such great right to , meet the Lati● Princes united , and in a considerable posture of defence , ready to oppose him : And suppose the Dane , Swede , Brandenburg , &c. should Ally with the Emperour , the King of Spain , the States General , &c. And suppose you find the Malecontents of Hungaria reconciled to , and under the protection of the Emperour . What would his invading of England be worth then ? Monsieur . O fie , Monsieur le Governour , you talk at ● strange rate now , and of such impossibilities , — Governour . Why suppose the Hollanders , should send out a Fleet of Men of War , some to examine your Masters power concerning the Mountain which he is raising in the Sea before Dunkirk ; others to batter down the Castle wh●ch he is building in the Air at Marselles , and to burn the Ships both there and at Tholose ? Monsieur . These are more improbable , and but your own wandring surmises , without the least ground . ●ut allowing all those Alliances , and much more , yet if they have not England in with 'em , we remain still s●cure . Governour . How so ? Monsieur . By our League ; which I am of opinion they will not adventure to break . Then as for the Emperour , though he should in heat strike up an Agreement with the Malecontents , still we can call the Turk into his Territories , as we use to do . Governour . Why , hath your Master such an interest in the Turk ? Monsieur . Yes , yes , an entire League : Did you never hear of that ? Governour . Surely the Devil is in him . Well , go on , pray , Sir. Monsieur . Why the Turk will be able enough to divert the Emperour , having our Country to friend for all manner of Provisions for War ; and as for those his Allies ▪ my Master will undertake himself . As for the Latin Princes , have we not the Assistance of our Holy Father the Pope , when my Master pleases to require it ? and●s not Casal our own ? and are not the Latins most grievously vexed with the Plague ? and is it not known to all the World , how various and different their interests are , like the Princes Palatine ? Therefore I say , all these things well considered , any reasonable Polititian would think that an Army of 20000 Horse and Foot that are experienc'd , and well disciplin'd men , some for burning , others for pillage and plundring , being in the very bowels of an Enemies Country , should in a short time make such havock , and bring such an awe upon the spirits of the people , that they should be glad to take a Protection , or a Peace upon any terms . Governour . Why , but still there 's the Spaniard , and — Monsieur . The Spaniard , all the world knows his poverty , and how unfit he is to d●fend either by Sea or Land ; and then his late Match with Madam , and some other as prevailing Checks , which his Necessities make him liable to , will divert him another way . But notwithstanding all that , let him strike up his Alliance with the Hollander , Dane , Swede , &c. which before they can bring to perfection , my Master will have fetch'd in Flanders in spight of their teeth . Governour . Nevertheless , I doubt your Master has lick'd a Bur into the Throat of his Policks , by having to do with so much Potency at once , whose whole Countries are at stake . And again , have they not at least two Millions of Friends ( the Hugonots ) in the very heart of your Masters Country ; besides vast stores of Men , Money , Shipping , and all other Necessaries for War ? Pray , Sir , do you but state this to any reasonable Polititian , and I 'll undertake he shall tell you , Your Masters Affairs stand but in a bad posture ; and nothing less than , his total Ruine can follow , if England be prevailed with to ally . Monsieur . Pish , why that can never be done . Governour . No truely , I fear it very much : for I 'm sure if they do but consult Policy and their common Safe●y , it must bring 'em in , more especially at such a time as this is , when the greatness of your Master threatens all the World with nothing but Vassalage and Destruction . Monsieur . Policy ! Why pray when do you find English-men consulting of Politicks , till it be upon the matter too late , or some great trouble or misfortune threaten them ? But besides , if they should enter upon such Consults , perhaps it 's now too late : for D. de P. hath so much gain'd the ascenda●r , that if he please , there 's but few thing● can miss his party . Governour . That 's in the North onely : but take my word for 't , the Whiglanders are too numerous and stubborn , to be swayed by his interest , which runs so counter to their being . Monsieur . However , his interest in the North joyn'd to that which is here , and the Irish joyn'd to both those , will do the Trick still , if well manag'd . Governour . Why I hope you don't intend all this during the Kings Life ? Monsieur . Yes but I do though , if my Master should have occasion to invade England , as he had to take in Strasburg : But if not , D. de P. does the thing himself of course , if he survive . And as for your Observation just now , that my Master hath two Millions of Hugonots in the heart of his Country , I object against that as not true : for above the half of 'em are run away into other Countries to shun the Persecution , as they term it . And as for those which remain behind , my Master is taking care they shall do him no hurt . But when I have said all this , and much more , how do you know but D. de P. has as great a number of Dark-lanthorn Roman Catholicks here in the hearts of these Kingdoms ? Governour . Truly all I can say , if it be so , is bad enough ; for according to that account , whenever your Master pleases to invade us , the Whiglanders , and Torylanders too , may have their Throats very decently cut by their own Countrymen . But you were saying , more than half the Hugonots were ran away ; and as for the rest , your Master intends to take care they shall do him no hurt : pray what does he intend to do with ' em ? Monsieur . Burn 'em , cut their Throats by way of Massacre , as they call it ; it 's all for the good of the Catholick cause , man. Governour . Oh , Sir , 't is a bad cause which must be served by inu●dations of Blood ; and your Master must be a Devil incarnate , that can endure to wallow in the Blood of so many innocent Subjects . For my part , ● cannot understand any reasonable excuse that can be made for him ; or why so many hundred thousands of Souls should be made a Sacrifice to his insatiate Tyranny . Monsieur . You 'l never leave , Monsieur le Governour , till you spoil all ; you are very much mistaken : 't is sore against the will and Conscience of my Master , that such cruel Edicts should be publisht against the Hugonots , but — Governour . How ? sore against his Conscience ? that 's still worse , why does he know it to be so , and yet persist ? pray who p●ts him upon it then ? Mons●eur . Why the Jesuits , to be reveng'd for the persecution which hath been here against the Roman Catholicks . Governour . Say ye so ? Blood ! Revenge ! by the Jesuits ! and does their Religion teach 'em that ? Monsieur . Now you come with your Querks and Queries again ; why you know it does , as well as I do ; and that the thing which they call Religion , is a constitution Politick only of their own , which desires and delights in having the ascendant over , and influencing all the Kings and Princes in the world . Governour . Why our Saviour Christ taught no such Doctrine , and yet they pretend to be his Followers , and assume the Name of Iesus ; but do they influence your Master ? Monsieur . Yes , and he moves now , and hath done so ever since the death of Mazarine , that is , only by the wheel of their Politicks . They are , and have been a considerable time , perswading of my Master to quarrel with the Pope . Governour . What will they get by that ? Monsieur . Why they have had a great itching at the Chair ▪ ever ▪ Ignatius Loyola's time ; and because they cannot come to it regularly , they hope to prevail with my Master to set up a Patriarc●ate in his own Countrey , and to choose the Patriarch out of their Society ; but he sees into the bottom of this design , and will take better measures than to give them the upper hand of him , as they will be sure to have , should he comply with 'em in that Affair . Governour . How ? why is this the design ? this clearly alters the Popes Ecclesiastical Government , and sets up a new Model . These mens Politicks will not only destroy both your Master and themselves , but all that have to do with ' em . For according to their Morals , no Prince in the world can ever be safe that corresponds with ' em . Monsieur . No , no , now you 're as much out again the tother ways ▪ pray let us hold to our business . Governour . Then pray satisfie me in this point ; if England should break the Leagne with your Master , and Ally with Holland , &c. Monsieur . I 'le tell ye , we have a reserve for that ; for if we find England that way inclin'd , we have those which will u●dertake upon forfeiture of their Heads , to throw a bone between them , and soon set them together by the ears . Governour . How , what that way too ? that would be fine work indeed , and i'●● Conscience feazable enough ! Monsieur . 'T is very certain , 't will be done if we find our League with England strain'd ; and I 'le ingage they shall be continued so too , till my Masters work 's done . Governour . How , will you engage for the continuance of a War ? how can that be ? Monsieur . Why there 's a certain Bannocklander , who is said to have engag'd himself in the most sacred ties imaginable to serve my Master ; and we are well assured of his care about Officers , and State-Ministers , so that in a short time , — Governor . In a short time , the Turk and your Master will subdue the whole world , and divide it between ' emselves . Monsieur . No , no , that 's your mistake again . Governour . How then ? Monsieur . Why my Master will have all or none : for though he may be constrained to use the Turk , yet you may be sure he 'll give him Polyphemus's Law , devour him last , for he hates Compet●tors . Governour . But allowing a War between England and Holland , a●d all your Masters designs to take effect upon that , so as to give him the Conquest upon both , pray what must D. de P. be ? Monsieur . My Masters Vice-Roy . Governour . Where ? Monsieur . Here in these Kingdoms . — Governour . And is that all he makes this bustle for ? for my part I cannot understand his politicks , for methinks it should be much better to be King , though of a limited Monarchy , then to be Vice-Roy to a King Absolute & Arbitrary . Monsieur . That 's true , but D. de P. has so over-acted his part , that he cannot arrive at neither , without my Masters help . Governour . So that now it seems he must be contented with what your Master will give him . Monsieur . Give him ! no no , 't is supposed to be his own choice , as having declar'd , He would rather become a Vice-Roy to a Forreign power , though the greatest Tyrant on Earth , than truckle to such who ought to be his Slaves and Vassals . Governour . My thinks , 't is impossible he should speak such words . Monsieur . 'T is so reported , by those that pretend to know much . Governour . Then I have been doing fine things indeed , who have ●ct●d as for my own life to advance his Interest , which as you say , now proves to be your Masters . Monsieur . Ay , but 't is now too late to be sorry for that . Governour . Is it so ? well then over boots over shooes ; I 'le rather choose to die honourably , than live basely . Monsieur . Why that 's well resolved ; 't is Meritorious , and you dye in the Service of the Church . Governour . Then 't is a bargain , but you told me I should have an account of your Masters principal friend . Monsieur . You shall know those in due time ; I have better considered of that , and therefore desire to be excused till our next Meeting . Adieu Monsieur le Governour , Adieu . FINIS .