Five new playes, (viz.) The madd couple well matcht. Novella. Court begger. City witt. Damoiselle. By Richard Brome. Brome, Richard, d. 1652? 1653 Approx. 975 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 251 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2008-09 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A77565 Wing B4870 Wing B4866 Wing B4868 Thomason E1423_1 ESTC R202038 99862462 99862462 114621 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A77565) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 114621) Images scanned from microfilm: (Thomason Tracts ; 182:E1423[1]) Five new playes, (viz.) The madd couple well matcht. Novella. Court begger. City witt. Damoiselle. By Richard Brome. Brome, Richard, d. 1652? Brome, Alexander, 1620-1666. Cross, Thomas, fl. 1632-1682, engraver. [482] p. : port. (metal cut) Printed [by T[homas] R[oycroft]] for Humphrey Moseley, Richard Marriot, and Thomas Dring, and are to be sold at their shops, London : 1653. Partly in verse. Editor's dedication signed: A. Brome. The words "madd couple .. Damoiselle." are bracketed together on title page. The portrait is signed: T. Cross sculpsit. Printer's name from the Pforzheimer Catalogue. "The copy was divided between two compositors. One set-up through sheet S; the other, the remainder"--Pforzheimer Catalogue. Signatures: pi1 A (-A6-8) B-S; A-F G⁴; A⁴ B-F G1-3 (=A6-8). "The novella" and "The court begger" each have separate dated title page; register is continuous. "The city wit" (Wing B4866) and "The damoiselle" (Wing B4868) each have separate register and dated title page with "printed by T.R." in imprint. There is no indication that the latter two plays were ever issued separately, though they are sometimes found so (Greg). Annotation on Thomason copy: "May 20". "The Novella" identified on UMI microfilm (Early English Books 1641-17700) reel 1773 as wing B4880. With 16 final advertisement pages. Reproductions of the originals in the British Library and the Harvard University Library. The madd couple well matcht -- The novella -- The court begger -- The city wit -- the damoiselle. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. 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Users should bear in mind that in all likelihood such instances will never have been looked at by a TCP editor. The texts were encoded and linked to page images in accordance with level 4 of the TEI in Libraries guidelines. Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng English drama -- 17th century. 2007-03 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2007-04 Apex CoVantage Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2007-05 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2007-05 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2008-02 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion FIVE NEW PLAYES , ( Viz. ) THE Madd Couple well matcht . THE Novella . THE Court Begger . THE City Witt. THE Damoiselle . By Richard Brome . LONDON ▪ Printed for Humphrey Moseley , Richard Marriot , and Thomas Dring , and are to be sold at their Shops , 1653. portrait Reader , lo heere thou wilt two faces finde , One of the body , t'other of the minde ; This by the Graver so , that with much strife Wee thinke Brome dead , hee 's drawne so to the life That by 's owne pen's done so ingeinously That who reads it , must thinke hee nere shall dy . A. B. J. 〈…〉 ss Sculpsit . TO THE READERS . BELOVED , BEING to write to a multitude of you , ( for I know you will be many ) I forbear Epithets , because the same will not fit all ; and I hate to make difference among Freinds . I have often considered with my selfe , whether I were best to Dedicate this Booke or no ; and I have thought on the maine ends of Dedications , which I finde generally to be Flattery or Want. To the one my nature was ever averse : And ( were my Debts all payd to me and by me ) I should not be much concerned in the other . As for the two ordinary pretences , namely , Gratitude , or Patronage , like Religion and Liberty , they are made but the Vizors to somewhat else . For is it not a high peice of Gratitude , when an Author has received favours from his Mecaenas , to requite him with a Booke ; and to take , or expect , two or three Peices from him for it , when another man shall buy the same Book of the thriving Stationers , for halfe a Crowne ? And for Patronage or Protection , I would faine know , if an Author writes like a Cockscombe , whether any Patron can protect him from being laught at . And he that writes well , makes every one his Patron without a Dedication . But in Epistles of this nature , something is usually begg'd ; and I would do so too , but , I vow , am puzled , what . T is not acceptance , for then you le expect I should give it ; t is not Money , for then I shou'd loose my labour ; t is not praise , for the Author bid me tell you , that , now he is dead , he is of Falstaffs winde , and cares not for Honour ; t is not pardon , for that supposes a fault , which ( I beleeve ) you cannot finde . But , if you 'le know what it is , it is , that you would expect nothing else of Preface , or Apologie , from Yours , as his owne , A. BROME . A Praeludium to Mr. RICHARD BROMES Playes . THen we shall still have Playes ! and though we may Not them in their full Glories yet display ; Yet we may please our selves by reading them , Till a more Noble Act this Act condemne . Happy will that day be , which will advance This Land from durt of precise Ignorance ; Distinguish Morall Virtue , and Rich Wit , And gracefull Action , from an unfit Parenthesis of Coughs , and Hums , and Haes , Threshing of Cushions , and Tau●o●ogies . Then the dull Zelo●s shall give way , and flye , Or be converted by bright Po●sie . Apollo may enlighten them , or else In Scottish Grots they may conceale themsel●es . Then shall Learn'd Johnson reassume his Seat , Revive the Phoenix by a second heat ▪ Create the Globle anew , and people it , By those that flock to surset on his Wit. Judicious Beaumont , and th' Ingenious Soule Of Fletcher too may move without controule . Shakespeare ( most rich in Humours ) entertaine The crowded Theaters with his happy veine . Davenant and Massinger , and Sh●rley , then Shall be cry'd up againe , for Famous men . And the Dramatick ▪ Muse no longer prove The peoples Malice , but the peoples Love. Black , and white Fryers too , shall flourish againe , Though here have bin none since Queen Mary's reign . Our Theaters of lower note in those More happy daies , shall scorne the rustic● Prose Of a Jack pudding , and will please the Rout , With wit enough to beare their Credit out The Fortune will be lucky , see no more Her Benches bare , as they have stood before . The Bull take Courage from Applauses given , To Eccho to the Taurus in the Heaven . Lastly , St. James may no aversion show , That Socks , and Buskins tread his Stage below . May this Time quickly come , those daies of Bli●●e Drive Ignorance down to the dark Abisse . Then ( with a justly attributed praise ) Wee● change our faded Broom , to deathlesse Baies . Aston Cokaine . To the Stationer , on the publishing Mr. Bromes Comedies . SInce Poems of this nature , honest Freind , Do , of themselves , nor praise nor discomend An Author or his Work ; but He , and It , Must by the Readers Palate rise or set ; What need we write Encomiums , or expose Our judging Rhymes , to be laught at in Prose ? We 're like Godfathers ( as they 're us'd of late ) Not to Engage for Children , but give Plate . And truely scarce there is a Poet known , That praises others wit , but clawes his own . But t is the Custome , and who won't submit , Must be esteem'd a Schismatick in wit : And therefore in obedience to the power , I le tell the World , I 've read these Poems o're , And in them finde so naturall a vaine Of clean , rich Fancie , in so pure a straine : That I may safely say , who does not love it , Can't for his life write any thing above it . This witty Pen , this mirthfull Comick style , Makes us at once both serious , and smile . Wraps serious truths in fab'lous mysteries , And thereby makes us merry , and yet wise . No Gods , or Goddesses his rimes supply'd , One he ador'd , and all the rest defy'd . No stradling Tetrasyllables are brought To fill up room , and little spell , or nought . No Bumbast Raptures , and no lines immense , That 's call'd ( by th' curtesie of England ) sence . But all 's so plaine , that one may see , he made it T' inform the understanding , not invade it . And the designes so probable , that though They be not true , t is like they may be so . Thus Travellour-like , I do inform our Nation , Being return'd , what is my Observation . But if , as Coriat did , I do relate Buildings , and Gallowses , not Acts of State ; Pardon my want of skill , and I le be Debtor To him , that on perusall notes things better . Alex. Brome . Vpon the Ingenious Comedies of Mr. Richard Brome . SEE the strange twirle of Times ! when such poore things Out-live the Dates of Parliaments , or Kings ! This Revolution makes exploded Wit Now see the fall of those that ruin'd it . And the Condemned Stage hath now obtain'd To see her Executioners Arraign'd . There 's nothing permanent ; those high great men , That rose from Dust , to Dust may fall agen . And Fate so orders things , that the same houre Sees the same man both in Contempt , and Power . For th' Multitude , in whom the power doth lye , Do in one breath cry Haile , and Crucify . Time was , when Learning , Poesie , and Wit , Were counted Sacred things , and hard to get . Time was , when Playes were justly valu'd , when Poets could laugh away the Crimes of men . And by Instructive Recreations teach More in one houre , then some in ten do preach . But Times are chang'd ; and t is worth our note , Bishops , and Players both suffer'd in one Vote . And reason good , for they had cause to feare 'em , ( ' em . One did suppresse their Schismes , and tother jeere . Bishops were guiltiest , for they swell'd with Riches , Tother had nought , but Verses , Songs , & Speeches . And by their ruine , the State did no more , But robb the Spittle , and unrag the poore . And the Stern Poet , challenging as due His ancient right , with freedome to speake true ; Div'd into secrets , and ' cause hee 'd not be brib'd To silence , nor complyance , was proscrib'd . While those in Cloakes , and double Caps , so long , So long did thrash in their inspired throng ; Till at the last , instead of Curbing Sin , By corrupt lives , and jars , they brought it in . But now new Stars shine forth , and do pretend , Wit shall be cherisht , and Poets finde a Friend . This makes these sleeping Poems now creep forth , As innocent of wrong , as full of worth . Where Vice , and Vanity , are laught to scorn , And unstain'd Vertue to the Skies is born . May this Work prove successefull , and we finde Those men , that now are Pow'rfull , to be kinde ! And give encouragement to Wit , and Worth , That things of Weight may come with boldnesse forth ! For , to the being of a happy State , Pleasure , and Profit must Incorporate . And if we in our Bellies place our sence , 'Twixt Beasts , and us , pray what 's the difference ? Poets are the Custodes of our Fame , Were 't not for Homer , where 's Achilles Name ? Let Souldiers then protect , while Poets praise ; Since that , which Crownes the Browes of Both , is Baies . ALEX. BROME . PROLOGVE . HEre you 're all met , and looke for a set speech , Put into Rhyme , to court you , and beseech Your Worships , but to heare and like the Play , But I , I vow , have no such part to say . I 'm sent a woing to you , but how to do 't , I han't the skill ; t is true I 've a new Suite , And Ribbons fashionable , y●lipt Fancies , But for the Complements , the Trips , and Dances , Our Poet can't abide um , and he sweares , They 're all but cheats ; and sugred words but jeeres . Hee 's hearkning there : and if I go about To make a Speech , he vows , h●'le put me out . Nor dare I write t'you : therefore in this condition , I le turne my courtship into admonition . When a good thing is profer'd , don't be nice , Our Poet vows , you shan't be profer'd twice . The Persons of the Comedy . Carelesse , a young wilde Heire . Sir Val. Thrivewell , his Vnkle that adopted him Heire . Saleware , a Citizen and a Cuckhold . Saveall , Sir Valentines demure Steward . L. Lovely , a Wencher . Bellamy , a woman disguised , and his Steward . Wat , a blunt fellow , Carelesses Servingman . Old Bellamy . Lady Thrivewell . Mrs. Alicia , Salewares light wife Mrs. Crostill , a rich Vintners Widow , and humorous . Phoebe , Carelesse his Whore. Closet , an old C●one , Nursekeeper to L. Thrivewell . Apprentices . Servingmen . And Attendants . 1. Mad couple . 2. Novella . 3. Beggar . The Scene LONDON . A MAD COUPLE VVELL MATCH'D . ACT. I. SCENE . I. Carlesse , Wat. Car. THou hast delivered my Letter ? Wat. Yes Sir , to Mr. Saveall your Unkles friend : But hee has stood your friend so long , and so often , to so little purpose in moving your Unkle for you , that he holds it utterly in vaine , to urge him any further , he told me . Car. Thou should'st ha' told him , I would not be so answer'd . Wat. Yes ; and then he would have told me , let your Master take his course . Car. Then you should ha' told him again , I have taken all the courses I could , or as any Gentleman can to maintaine my selfe like one ; But all my courses are run out , and I have not breath , nor know any ground whereon to begin a new one , unlesse that thing my Unkle sets me up againe , nor have I any meanes to attaine to that , but by his Mediation . Wat. Then would he ha' told me againe , what all your courses have been . Namely , running into debt by all the wayes can be imagin'd , and cheating by all could be invented , then that the said thing , ( as you call it ) your Unkle , before he cast you quite off , had redeem'd you out of Prison , and severall holds , within the space of 15. Moneths 14. times . Car. That was not once a Moneth then , or if it had , what had that been to him ? 't was I that suffer'd , thou shouldst ha' told him , not he . Wat. Hee would ha' told me then againe , That severall Redemptions , cost your Unkle at least 2000 l. And that upon your last revolt when he quite gave you over for a cast-away , two yeares since , he cast the third thousand with you , upon condition never to afflict him more . And then he Married in hope to get an heire . Car. I that Marrying spoy'ld all . Wat. Because you should not after his death cast away all the rest of the thousands , and ten thousands which you might have liv'd to inherit , if your Unkles love or Mr. Savealls counsell could have prevay'd with you against the Divill , and Debauchednes . Car. Pox on 't , let it all goe , let that wretched Unkle goe , and let Saveall goe for a punctuall asse as hee is . I confesse he has by his saving helpe peec'd mee with my Unkle a score of times at least . What had once more been to him ? Wat. Sir , it were better for you to thinke upon some course by our selfe , and me your Creature ( that have stuck to you , or followed you through all fortunes ) to maintaine Rich Lace , and Bravery upon you . And thinke in time too before this be worne out , upon some new wayes for your supplies — Car. I cannot , nor will I trouble my braines to thinke of any , I will rather die here in Ram alley , or walk down to the Temple , and lay my selfe down alive , in the old Synagogue , cross-leg'd among the Monumentall Knights there , till I turne Marble with 'em . Thinke quoth a ● what should I think on ? Wat. On your poor Whore Sir ( as you have brought her ) shee 's in worse case then your selfe ; your Cloaths are good enough — Car. I ther 's the Devill . I would doe something for her if I knew how . But what have I not done that can be done by a forlorn heire ? Wat. Why though the Dice , and all other Household games , and all the Cheats belonging unto them have fayld you by your and their discoveries , till none dare venture so neare you as a Man hu●les a Die or Skirrs a Card. Though all your hidden wayes in Hide-parke races are trod out , and all your bowling booties beaten bare off o' the Grounds and Allies ; and the sweete Honey-combes of all your Cockpit cosenages cut off . Though all your Arts of borowing are crost out of all Mens Bookes before you offer at 'em , while your old Debts stand fairely written , and all your Marts miscarry of putting out for credit , Venison to Citizens , or early Cherries , Codlings and Apricocks to their Wives availe you nothing , cannot something yet be found ? Car. Nothing , nothing . All Projects are confounded . Wat. Did your Father leave you nothing but wit to live upon for this ? And did hee leave you that but for yeares , and not for Life ? and is the terme expir'd ? Car. Hold thy peace . I am casting for something to be done by me , that shall be worth , and cost my life , to shame my Unkle . Wat. There 's a plot ! Think of your poore whore Sir , how shall she live , if you cast away your selfe ? Car. I must leave her once thou knowst . Wat. If you could leave her now , and betake your selfe handsomely to other Women , I have thought on a course . Car. What , quickly , what i st ? Wat. To set up a Male bawdy house . Car. Fy upon'● . Wat. You are handsome , lovely , and I thinke able to do one Mans worke , two or three such Gentlemen more which I know , and can describe to you , with the wayes I 'le finde to bring in custome shall fill your purses — Car. And empt our bones . I ever had enough of one Mistris Variety would destroy me . No Gentlemen can be able to hold it out . They are too weake to make common He whores . Wat. For a little while Sir , till we have got a stock of rich cloathes ; And then we will put Drey-men , and Wine-porters , Cornish Wrastlers & such like into those cloaths ; and make them Country Cavaliers . Have you not seen course snowt-faire drudges , clapt into bravery , that would doe more bodily service in a Brothell then twenty Ladies Daughters ? They are the Game-beares of a Bawdy-house , can play ten single courses for a cleane-bred Gentle-womans one , wee will hire fellowes for groates a peece a day , that shall ( without the additaments of Clary , Cawdle or Cock-broth ) get us forty peeces a Man before Night , or perhaps a hundred by next Morning , out of such shee ▪ customers , as an Aunt of mine shall finde ou● for us . Car. O base Villaine ! No I 'le never fall so deep below a Gentleman , as to be Master of a Baudy-house . Wat. Very good decay'd Gentlemen have done a much ; though I urge this , but for your pastime sir . Car. No my first plot shall stand , I will do some notorious death-deserving thing ( though these cloaths goe to th' Hangman for 't , what care I ) in defiance of him that was my Unkle , and his Methodicall , Grave , and Orthographicall speaking friend , Mr. Saveall that cals People Pe-o-ple . Enter Saveall . O Mr. Saveall how have you honord mee , how am I bound to you for this visit ! Sir hearing that my Unkle was come to Town , and you with him , I did presume to write to you . Sav. Send forth your Man. Car. Goe forth — Exit Wat. Sav. One Servant is not fit for all Offices , although you keepe no more ; you presumed indeed , I can no lesse then call it a presumption , although it were but unto mee you write ; I speak not this in the behalfe of any dignity in me ; but that you should overweene that I had ability to wrastle any more with your overgratefull Unkle in your behalfe . Therein was your outrecuidance . Car. The miserablest Man on Earth ! in having we●ried out my worthiest friend , on whom the sum of all my hopes was cast . Sav. No , I am not wearied ; But still in the same full strength : yet my modesty disswadeth mee from using strength above reason , and my reason prevaileth with me not to strive against a Torrent . Car. He is then inexorable , and I must perish . But did you try him for me this last time ? Sav. I have both tryed , and tempted him to his vexation . Car. But did you urge that pious act of mine Which he once vow'd should never be forgot , O● unrewarded by him ? Sav. Your standing upon merit in that Act Perplexeth nature in him , and confounds Both your desert , and his benevolence , And now since you have urged it , I 'le tell you , Your Act was undenyable , most noble , And glorious in a Nephew , greater piety Could not have been expected in a Sonne : When from the Swords of Theeves and Murderers , Your valor rescued him — But — Car. I and my Man I 'me sure made four of the stowtest purses fly for 't , that ever set our Country o' the skore : After they had him downe , and their points at his brest and throat , hee crying out for helpe , when I came on by chance at a time too when I was in his displeasure , nay he hated mee a whole yeare together before that , and yet I did it , and more then so — Sav. Fare you well Sir , I thought to have said all this for you , and more then so too . But — Car. Nay sweet Mr. Saveall — Sav. Good Mr. Carelesse , as I can hear I would be heard sometimes . Car. Ind●ed I cry you mercy , pray sir speake . Sav. I was commending of your act , and do so still . You did expresse your selfe in blood and nature A perfect Kinsman ; and your piety Drew blessings on you : for whereas before Your Unkle left you off to Reprobation , He then receives you a Son , ( being his Sisters . ) Adopted you , intended you his heire , And out of his Estate then presently Allowed you two hundred pounds per annum , And gave your Man for what he suffered In the confl●ct an hundred Marks — Car. Poore Rogue ! and he deserv'd it , I 'le be sworne for a Theeves marke that he receiv'd ; a cut o' the Cockscombe that crackt his skull , so that ●ee could never bear his drinke since , as hee could ha' done before . For sir , as we came in , I having put by the thrusts of three of 'em , the fourth man with a full blow — Sav. Fare you well Sir the second time — Car. Nay curteous Mr. Saveall . Sav. I came to speake not with you altogether , but unto you for to be heard . Car. Sir I will heare you with all due respect . Sav. Your Unkle having done so gratefully , and so plentifully for you . You building still on merit for that service , Did hold him so fast bound that you presumed To run upon more extravagancies In all the out-wayes of debauchery , Till for the one good deed you did for him He did you forty , in restoring you From Surfets , Wants , Wounds and Imprisonments , Till overborne with charge , and more with anguish , At your outragious , unexampled Riots , Hee gave you an irrevocable farewell , yet then at your departure . — Car. Yet then I liv'd and could have done till now , meerly by being his Nephew , and suppos'd his heire , had not he married ; but his Marriage turnd the hearts of all believing Citizens from me , where before a Taylor could have made mee run through all the credit i' the Town , When in a sute Chinquant , and Ala-mode They could informe themselves , whose heire I was , But to say truth I vex'd him into Wed-lock , for before he valud not a Wife at a batchelors Button . Sav. Farewell to you the third time . Car. Sir , you shall see mee die first , and that instantly ; That you may tell my Uncle I 'le be no more his trouble , or charge , unlesse in charity hee 'l send to bury me . Sav. You will not desperately work a violent end upon your selfe ? Car. No Sir , the D●vills not so great with mee ; but my heart , I feele it ready to breake . My Unkle is no more my Unkle , nor you my friend , all by my own fau●t , and what should I do here , but in to my Bed , and out o' the World presently . Wat. Wat. Enter Wat. I here Sir ! Sav. I have dalyed too long , and tempted him too far I feare . Car. Lay down my Bed. Wat. Your Wench is come indeed , but I hope you will not to bed before he be gone . Car. Lay down my bed I say . But first unbutton me . Wat. Lord how his heart beats ! pangs of death I fear . Sav. Not so I hope . I will now come to the point Sir , Mr. Carelesse be comforted . Car. I am , and well resolv'd , I thanke my better Angell . Sav. Your Unkle's friends with you . Car. Alas , how can that be ? Sav. I thought your spirit had been higher . Car. It will be Sir anon , I hope . Sav. I have but dallied with you to search your temper . Wat. But you have searched too deep I feare sir . Car. Ah! — Sav. Your Unkle is friends with you , I say so farre as to make a further tryall of your nature , you may be yet his heire ; for your Aunt despaireth of any Child by him , having fruitlesly been married now these two years . Car. Ah! — But good Sir , can this be ? Sav. It is , and I will bring you to him . And see that all be well . Car. Your noble friendship hath reviv'd me sir , O run and fetch my cloake . Enter Wat with his Cloake . Tell Phebe I cannot stay to give her any satisfaction now , I must go see my Unkle first . Exit Wat. Sav. Poore Gentleman , how weakly he standeth ! The sight of his Unkle will recover him . Come Mr. Careless let us goe . Car. Sir what do you thinke if I should first according to the reformation of my mind cut off my undecent hair , and change this garish apparrell for a civill well worne Students sute , I can be fitted presently hard by . Sav. No , the mind reformed is enough , your habit well becometh you . Exit . Wat. Now Wit and 't be thy will go with him . And I hope this will be his last hot fit of the Unkle . Enter Phebe . Phe. Your Masters gone forth it seemes . Wat. Cal'd by his fortune , hee is so . Phe. Shuns he the sight of me ? I 'le overtake him . Wat. O your patience sweete Mistris Phebe , a little patience . Hee 's gone to be happy , and to make you happy . I dare promise you a Sattin Gowen within this sea'night . Phe. For let me tell thee Mistris Phebe bright Hee 's reconciled to his Unkle Knight . Away Pimpe , Flamsted , I came to be serious with him , to let him know the miseries I suffer , by the wrongs hee has done mee , and that I can nor will no longer beare ' em . Wat. Nor him neither will you ? Take heede what you say Madam Marion ▪ Phe. No nor him neither , you pandarly Parasite , till ●e make his vowes good , and me an honest Woman . Wat. Birlady , a shrewd taske , and I fear an impossible worke . Phe. Sirra , I will claw your ugly Face till thou undertak'st it with him , to make it easie . Wat. Hold , hold , I 'le doe you all the good I can , Phe. O will you so ? Wat. How desperatly valiant a Whore growes , when she is so poore that her cloathes feare no tearing . But by what meanes can you hope to bring this worke about ? Phe. You know I have a wealthy Kinsman in the City . Wat. O Mr. Saleware , and he has a Wife too that bears it up bravely . Phe. Pimpe impudent , shall I claw your Face into blushes at my injuryes , to be mockt out of my Maydenhead , when I was upon a good Match in the Countrey ; Then with a promise of Marriage , to be intic'd from my friends into fooles Paradice ( that was a new title for the City ) and here to be used , and abused from Lodging to Lodging , by him that now flies me , for the decayes hee hath brought mee to ? But my Kinsman has money though I have none , and for money there is Law to be found , and in a just cause he will not let me sink , he sayes : for I have told him all . Wat. But not the how many times , the whens , the where's , and the wherewithalls , I hope have you ? Phe. Sirrah , I shall shew you and your Master too a way to more civility , since I am thus abused , and slighted . Wat. You have schoold mee handsomely , and brought mee into sense of your injuries : you have beene overwrong'd , but not over-wrought , nor over-worne , you doe excell in Beauty , Strength and Spirit , which makes you in your very anger now appeare so lovely , that I professe my selfe your Creature . What would a kisse of this faire Hand now make mee do , and of those Lipps what not ? Shee strikes him . Phe. Away you Creature . Wat. Leave these temptations ; doe not strike me too deeply in love with you . Phe. Away you Creature . Wat. 'T is true I am your Creature , as I am my Masters ; And sometimes the serving Creature , breakes his fast with a bit off the Spit before the same meat is serv'd up to his Masters table , but is never denyed to Diue upon his Masters leavings , you cannot thinke what an appetite that frown gives me . Phe. You are no saucy Rascall . Wat. Good wit too ! My appetit● needs no Sauce ; nor shall you need to make use of Law , or Friend against my Master , but my selfe . Phe. You ! Wat. Be rul'd by me , if I doe not lay you downe , and joyne with you presently in a course that shall content you , then — hang me Lady at your doore . — Phe. What doe you meane ? Wat. In the next roome we shall finde Pen , Inke and Paper , you shall write him such a Letter ( as I will dictate to you ) that shall so nettle him . Phe. Nay I did intend to leave him part of my mind in writting before I went. — Enter Saleware . Ph. O Cosen , I want you . — Wat. A pox of this interupting Cuckold , hee hinders all Trading , but his Wives , zownds I was going with full speed a Tilt , as the learned say , had not this horne-head come , we had writ lines together should have put down Her● and Leander — Harke you Mistris Phebe , is this your Kinsman that you told me , you had told all the businesse to ? Sale. Yes , sir , I am the Gentleman , and shee has told me so much , Sir that I must tell you , to tell your Master from mee , and as I would tell him my selfe if hee were here personally present , hee is a most dishonest Gentleman if he doe her not lawfull right by Marrying her ; and that right I came to demand , and obtaine of him , or to denounce the Law against him . Wat. How happy are you , that you came short to tell him so , else hee would ha● so beaten you , as never was Citizen beaten , since the great Battaile of Finsbury-Field . Sal. Your great words cannot make ▪ mee feare his blowes ( I am not dasht nor basht ) nor crosse him out of my Booke , for feare of any such payment . I have him there for foure score pound as you know , though you are pleas'd to forget mee , But Sapientia mea mihi stultitia tua tibi . Wat. Cry mercy Mr. Saleware , is it you ? I hope Mistris Saleware is well , your most exquisite , and most courtly wife ; the Flower-de-luce of the City . Sal. Well wag well , you must not now put me off with my wife , shee 's well and much respected ; I come to speake of , and for my distressed Kinswoman , her whom your wicked Master has most wickedly dealt withall . Hee has deflower'd and deluc'd her , and led her from her Friends , and out of her Countrey into Fooles Paradice — By making her believe he would Marry her , and here he has put her on , and put her off , with hopes and delayes till shee is come to both woe and want ; And ( which may prove her most affliction , if hee be suffered to forsake her ) shee is with child by him . Wat. Say you so , Mistris Phebe ? here 's small shew of it yet . Pre. Sirrah , I shall shew you and your Master too a way to more civility , if I be thus abused and slighted . Wat. By the way Mr. Saleware , how many children have you by your most amiable wife ? Sal. Sir , that needs not to fall by the way of our discourse . Wat. But by the way I speake of getting children . Or I pray tell me , did not you correct one of her children once , for which your wife reprehended you , and bad you correct your own ? And how then shall my Master be sure that this ( if it be one ) is his ? Sal. What an Asinego 's this ? I shall finde a time sir , to talke with your Master . In the meane time I tell you that my Kinsewoman is a Gentlewoman of as good blood as himself , and of the best in Herefordshire . Wat. Yes , Welsh-blood . Sal. And shall find friends that shall not see her abus'd by you nor him . There is Law to be found for money , and money to be found for Friends , and Friends to be found in the Arches , and so tell your Master , come away Cosen . Wat. But one word before you goe Sir , is this Gentlewoman , ( who was but a Countrey Chamber-maide when my Master tooke her to his mercy ) of such boasted blood , your Cozen by your owne , or by your Wives side I pray ? Sal. Sirrah , like a saucy companion as you are , though you meddle with me that am a Common-councell-Man ; I charge you meddle not with my wife , you have had two or three jerks at her . Wat. I was warn'd before Sir , in my own understanding : for she is for great persons . Sal. Then know your distance Sir. Wat. Yet give me leave to wait you down Sir , cud shoe did it tell it Kinseman that it is got with Champkin . Phe. You are a Pandarly Rascall , and I 'le be a terror both to you , and your Patron . Exit omnes . Enter Thrivewell , Lady . Thr. How can you thinke so ? La. Thinke ! I see 't apparently upon your Face , and heare it in your sighes , your broken sleepes to night , when your owne groanes wak'd you , declard no lesse ; But had I had the power of some wife 's with their husbands I could have fetch'd it out of you waking once ( ● thanke you ) you tooke me in your arme , but when you found 't was I you turn'd away as in a dreame . Thr. Sure you dreame now , whence can this talke proceed else ? La. I must not give it over till I know the cause of your melancholly fit , doe you doubt my duty , or my loyalty ? perhaps you do , and so make me the cause of your affliction . Thr. May such a thought within mee , stick mee to the endlesse torments . La. 'T is lately entertained , what e're it be ; you came heart whole to Town , and Joviall . Ha' you been drawn for security into Bonds by any of my friends , for great summs , and forc'd to pay ' em ? Thr ▪ Fie , fie . La. Are any great friends of yours in question , attainted , imprisoned , or run away ? Thr. Psewh . La. Or are you further griev'd about your Nephew , Carelesse ? I thought that your friend Saveall , and my selfe had made his peace with you ; and that you had sent for him , do you repent that ? Thr. No , no , sweete heart , hee shall be welcome . And pray let me intreate you make no further inquisition ; If ( as you suppose ) there be a trouble in my thoughts , I shall soon passe it over . La. Tell me , or I shall prove the greater trouble . I would those few examples of women , that could not keepe their husbands counsells had beene burnt , and the woman too rather then I should be distrusted thus , and slighted by a Husband — Thr. Nay then you 'l grieve me indeed . La. There has beene many examples of discreet women that have not onely kept their husbands councells , but advise and help 'em in extremities , and deliver'd 'em out of dangers . Thr. I pray content your selfe . La. Be you content to tell me then what troubles you . And I pray you tell mee speedily , now presently ; or ( excuse me in my vow , ) it is the last request that ever I will make to you , and the last question I 'le ever aske you , and ( the easier to get it from you ) I promise you by the continuance of my faith to you ( which by this kisse I seale ) Be it a deadly injury to my selfe , I will forgive it freely ; not be troubled at it . Thr. I shall do that now , which few wise men would . But shee 's discreet , and has a fortitude Above the boast of women ; should that faile , And this too weighty knowledge for a wife Should prove a torment to her , I 'm excus'd Shee pulls it on her selfe , and for Revenge Should she against her protestation move it , I am enough above her . La. You are resolv'd it seems to keepe your secret Unto your selfe , much good Sir may it doe you . Thr. No , you shall know it , sir , and ( if unshaken Now , in your love to me ) the wonder of all wives Y' are bound by a faire pledge , the kisse you gave me , To be unmov'd , and to forgive it though It be a deadly injury to your self ; It is , and 't is a great one ; and so great But that you have seald my pardon , the hid knowledge Of it should feed upon my Heart , and Liver , Till life were banish'd thence , rather then pull Your just revenge upon me ; yet you frown not ! But before I declare it to your Justice , Let me renew your mercy . Kisse . And on this Altar , which I have prophan'd While it breath'd sacred incence , now with penitence Offer religious vowes , never to violate My Faith or Love to you againe . One more Kisse . Before you heare it : for if then you stand not Firme to your Mercy , it must be my last . La. What do you but violate your Love to mee , Now in your most unjust suspition ? Thr. I 'le trespasse so no more ; yet many husbands ( I wish they had my sorrow , and no lesse Purposer to reformation ) wrong their wives . La. Leave these perambulations ; to the point : You have unlawfully lyen with some woman ! Thr. 'T is said ; and now your doome . La. Ha , ha , ha . Here 's a busiesse ! Would somebody heard you faith : nay of five hundred That now might overheare us ( I meane not only Gallants , but grave substantiall Gentlemen ) Could be pick'd out a twelve good men and true , To finde you guilty , I would then condemne you , But such a Jury must be pannell'd first . Thr. And can you be so mild ? then farwell thought . La. Thought of your Mistris Sir , And then farwell My jealousy , for let me tell you Sir , That I have had an ache upon these browes Since your last being in Town . And since you have dealt So faithfully as to tell me it is one , ( There 's no more , is there ? ) Thr. No upon my vow . La. Name me the woman : if it be the same That I suspect , I 'le never suspect more . Thr. As faithfully as to my Confessor ; Light weight ▪ Saleware my Silke-mans wife . La. The same I meant , Y' are a faire dealing husband . On what condition ? Come this is merry talke . Prithee on what condition ? Only to bring good custome to her shop , And send her husband Venison ( flesh for flesh ) I did observe you bought all there last terme , And wish'd me to her Shop , and Mr. Saveall With divers others to bestow our monies . Troth shee 's a handsome one ; Prithee on what conditions ? Thr. Thou shalt know all to purge me of my folly . La. Well said . Thr. After a costly , and a tedious Sute With many an answer no , and no such Woman , At length shee yeilds for a hundred pieces ; Had 'em , and I enjoy'd her once . La. That was , When you last Terme sat up all Night , and said you sat up with the three Lady Gamesters . Thr. It is confess'd . La. Faire dealing still . Thr. But here was the foule dealing , and for which I hate her now : I having paid so great a fine , and Tane possession thought after to deale Rent-free . La. A Pepper-corne a quarter , if shee be Pepperproofe . Thr. But shee at my very next approach , which was but yesterday denyes me Egresse , except I make it a new purchase at the same former rate , and so for all times after . La. Troth 't is unreasonable , a hundred pound a time ? How rich would Citizens be , if their wives were all so paid , and how poore the Court and Country ! But husht , here comes Mr. Saveall with your Nephew , I take it ; A handsome Gentleman , could hee be so debauch'd ? Enter Saveall , Carelesse . Sav. Sir , I have brought you home a Reformado ▪ and doe intreat ( for what I have said unto him , and he hath fairely answered unto me ) that words may not by you be multiplied . Thr. Not a word of unkindnesse , Nephew , you are welcome , give me your hand . George , thou art welcome . Car. I shall be George o' horse-back once more I see . In all humility I thanke you Sir. Thr. Nay now thou speakest , and look'st too tamely George , I would have thee keepe and use the lively spirit that thou hadst , but not to let it flie at randome , as it has done George . Car. Sir , I have learnt now by the inconveniences I have met with , in those extravagant out fl●ghes , the better to containe it within the limits of your leave , and faire allowance hereafter . Thr. Well said , and againe welcome George . But ( and this you shall give me leave to say Mr. Saveall ) I remit your thanks for any inclination I had towards this reconcilement till I doe you some further kindnesse ; only you had good advocates , who pleaded friendly for you , Mr. Saveall , and your Aunt there before she ever saw you whom you may thanke . Car. A man must be so tied now . Thr. Pray take notice of her . Car. I cannot use respect enough Sir. Thr. I like that modesty . Sav. Doubt him in nothing , for he is come home . Car. Madam as you are my gracious Patronesse , and my selfe so all unworthy , my duty checks me in my approach to you . La. You are the more intirely welcome Cosen . Kisse . Car. Shee Kisses like an old mans wife , That is , as a Child late sterv'd at Nurse , sucks a fresh flowing Breast . La. You must not Sir be bashfull . Car. 'T will lesse become mee to presume good Madam . Thr. George , here 's a Lodging for you in this house , and my Table has a place for you , send for your man to wait upon you . Ha' you Wat still ? Car. Yes Sir , an honest true hearted civill fellow he is , as I have manag'd him , he can say grace now . Thr. The world 's well mended . To morrow you shall give me a note of your debts George , which I 'le take order for , if I may presume you have any . Car. Some driblets Sir , My credit has not lately wrong'd me much . Sav. You speake sententiously , for credit sought With Trades-men , then their wares are dearer bought ; So Gentlemen are wronged . Thr. Then not to wrong our selves , le ts in to Dance . Exeunt omnes . ACT II. SCENE I. Alicia , Lady , Servingman , Prentice . Al. ALL Cheape-side , and Lombard streete Madam , could not have furnish'd you with a more compleat bargaine , you will find it in the wearing , and thanke me both for the goodnesse of the stuffe , and of the Manufacture . La. But now the price Mistris Saleware . I grant your Commodity is good , The Gold and Silver Laces , and the Frienges are rich , and I hope well wrought . Has your Man made a note of the particulars , and their prices , at the rate of ready-money ( for I buy so ) and not as you would booke 'em to an under-ag'd heire , or a Court-Cavalier to expect payment two or three yeares hence ; and finde it perhaps never . I come with Here is one for tother . Al. I know your Ladiships payment such ; And they are priz'd so Madam to a farthing . La. Let mee see , broad plate Silver and Gold-lace , 206 Ounces halfe , and a dram , at five and ten pence the Ounce . 60 l. 5 s. 3 d. ob . 4. five and ten pence an Ounce is deare . Al. I protest unto you Madam that parcell of Lace for a Bed as you intend it , was bespoken , and agreed for at six shillings the Ounce by a very great person : but because ready money came not to fetch it off , Fortune reserv'd it here for you , you could not have been so fitted on the sodaine else within London walls ; and I am glad the same fortune was so favourable to me , as by my hands to designe it for your Ladiships use and pleasure . I hope Madam we shal hear of a young heir a comming shortly , and that will make it a rich and fortunate Bed indeed ; And then Sir Olyv●r would thanke me too . La. What a bold slut it is , well then the rest of the particulars here of Laees , and Frienges , Loopes , and Buttons , makes the sum of all an hundred pound eight shillings foure pence , halfe-penny . I am no good Arithmetician , but if any be overcast , and overpaid , you must allow restitution . Al. Yes , good Madam . La. Is all put up into this Box ? Al. All Madam . La. Give mee my Purse . Take you home that while I make payment for it ; your Gold-weights Mistris Salewa●e . Exit Servant ▪ Al. Here Madam all in readinesse . La. You take no Gold but what is weight I presume . Al. 'T is but light paines to weigh it Madam . But let me save your Ladiship that labour . La. Nor shall it be your trouble , command your Servant I pray for a glasse of your beere — Al. Some beere for my Lady presently . Exit . Prentice . La. That I may tell you in more privacy , what perhaps you would not have him heare : for Prentises though they are bound to keepe their Masters secrets , are not all privy to their Mistresses ; that 's more a Journeymans Office. Al. Your Ladiship is pleas'd . La. Not very well with my selfe , for I have gone beyond my Commission in this bargaine , and exceeded my Husbands allowance . Here 's one hundred pounds eight shillings 4 d. ob . in the Bill , and he allowes me but the bare hundred pound . Al. The od money is but a small matter Madam . La. A great matter in an honest poore Countrey Ladies purse , may serve her a whole Christmas at Post and Pare , or Farthing gleeke , when the gay Gamsters wives o' the City may command the hundreds , out of the purses of such poore Ladies Husbands . But here is the odd money , eight shillings foure pence , half penny , and so all 's paid . Al. What meanes your Ladiship ? La. Doe you not understand mee then ? I 'le tell you that which I thought fit to conceale from your servant ; And from your husband too had hee been here , perhaps he knowes not on 't . My husband left with you , or lent you the last Terme a hundred pound , which hee assign'd to me ; and now I have it in Commodity . Had you forgot it , when it was to do you a good turne , when your absent husband faild you , and you wanted it . Al. A good turne Madam ? La. Yes , was it not to have the free use of a hundred pound ready money , a whole quarter of a yeare , through a dead Vacation , and at last to take it out in wares ? A good turne I thinke for a Trades-woman ; take heed you do not by your fullennesse make me suspect another kind of good tu●ne , or that you did my husband any to my injury , nor deny the receipt of his money , lest I take up a violence that will not become mee , no● you be able to beare . Be therefore well advis'd both in what you say , and who heares m● . Somebody comes . Enter Prentice with Beere . Al. Madam your Beere . La. I'●e pledge you Mistris Saleware . Al. I shall presume then Madam — Drinks . La This was right cast , was it not friend ? Pre. Your Ladyship will finde it so — La. Drinks . Al. And I hope you will finde your money so well bestowd Madam , that you will vouchsafe always to know the Shop . La. Ever upon the like occasion , Mistris Saleware , so most kindly farwell sweet Mistris Saleware . Al. The humblest of your servants Madam . Open the Boot for my Lady . La. 'T is done my Coach-man does it . Exit . Al. I would the Devill were in your Coachmans Coat to take his carriage for his paines . Lady returnes . La. One word more Mistris Saleware , can it be he ? Al. Lay your comands on me good Madam . Curtsie . La Not to your trouble , I perceive a young Gentleman attends for conference with you . Is not his name Fitzgerrard ? Al. No Madam , his name is Bellamie , much depending on the young Lord Lovely . La. I thought I had known him , hee is a handsome youth . I cannot blame you now with him : but beware of old Knights that have young Ladies of their owne . Once more adieu sweet Mistris Saleware . Exit . Al. Most courteous Madam — and once more to the Devill . But on my life her chast Ladiship is taken with this beard-lesse Bellamie . How shee shot eyes at him ! Bel. Now may your servant obtaine a hearing L●●y . Al. My eares are open Sir. Bel. But you are sad or angry , why seemes that brow to threaten a subjection over him that is your vanquish'd captive ; or has Cupid plac'd his Bow there be●t at me , whose heart already lodges all his Arrowes , never to be restor'd but by your pity ? Al. Fie , fie upon 't ! what talke is this ? I am vex'd , and you would m●● me . Bel. What has displeas'd you ? Al. A crosse businesse that has happened in my Shop to day , I being none of the wisest Chapwoman , have undersold a parcell of the best Commodities my husband had . And should hee know 't wee should have such a scwable . Bel. Husbands should be so serv'd that do impose Those mercenary Offices on their wives . Al. Talke so , and I will heare you , your amorous notes sound like Play-speeches . Bel. Servile , nay slav●sh Offices , ranking their wives with their prentises . Al. They pretend onely that wee should over-looke our servants , when they but set us there for shew to draw in custome : but in making us such over-seers they are overseene themselves ; Shopkeepers-wives will be medling and dealing in their kinde , and as they are able , as wel as their husbands ( some much better , and more profitable ) but I was overreach'd I confesse . Bel. For no great matter I hope . Al. No , the matter was not much ( that never fretted me ) but the manner has eene kild a Shee shop-keeper . I cannot be long-liv'd , here under a Pent-house , as my Lord ( you know ) told mee when he said he would shut mee out of this servitude , and that I should change my Coat , though my husband could not , before hee were an Alderman , and be rank'd with Ladies . Bel. My Lord has still the same regard of you . Al. So it appeares by the Tailor and the Mercer , whom he sent foure dayes since to measure me out , and sute mee to his Honour , and no returne of them found , yet his Land might ha● beene measur'd all and sold , while a poore sute is dreampt on , had he borne the mind of some Lord ? Bel. I doubt not but this paper will cleare that jealousie . And while you reade I 'le speake that which I dare not utter through , Sighes and Blushes to an intire attention . I am of Noble-blood my selfe , free-borne , And not without good education ; But since I am ingag'd in this imployment , And made an instrument of others lust , I finde my selfe a scandall to my Name , To Honour , and to Vertue , the base blot Of Pandare sticking on me . But not this ▪ Alone is my affliction . Here 's my torment , That while I doe true service to my Lord ( Whom I must ever honour ) in my Agency U●to your selfe ( whom I cannot but love ) I finde my selfe a Traytor to his trust , In my negotiation for my selfe . Nor can I finde it possible to desist , Mine own attempts , to you , or forbeare to urge Your constancy to him . Al. How easie a worke 'T were for one woman to supply 'em both , And hold her husband play to levell Acoile , A wooden two-leav'd booke , a paire of Tables Would do 't . Bel. How wretched is that suppliant , who must make Sute to obtaine that , which he feares to take ! Al. At the beare at the Bridge-foot six a clock , good . Sir , I finde my Lords honorable appointments here , and have heard you all this while . Bel. Now I could wish , and was in hope you had not . Al. I will not blame you on your Lords behalfe ; Because you have enough rebuk'd your selfe . But Sir , if you presume upon the favour I give your Lord , and therefore to obtaine me , Cause I am his , you undervalue me To thinke that I can stoop unto his servant , Though almost his Companion , you may thinke After that degradation by degrees , I may , in time , descend unto his Footman , I 'me no cast Garment of his Lordships yet . Bel. You have school'd mee fairely , I am humbled , Lady — Going . Al. d ee heare , d ee heare sir , Mr. Bellamine , One word before you goe . Pren. What would hee buy Mistris ? can you take his money ? Sir dee heare ? Al. Pray attend you the tother end o' th' Shop , If I cannot handle a Customer , why dos ●your Master trust mee ? Could a frowne fright you ? Let a smile then cheare you . Bel. And that 's a heavenly one , As that of Cynthia at Endymion . Al. Pray leave your Player-like passionate expressions ▪ And if you love mee , like a Man speake to me . As I am a Woman ; are you silent ? if you doubt th● length of my mans Eares at that distance , you may whisper what so ? But that is a right shop-whisper indeed with Trades-women that are handsome ; Is that the most you will give sir ? Could I afford it so , doe you thinke I 'd make two words w' ye ? yet this before you goe — Kisse . Now match it for the price I 'le give it you for nothing . Bel. I shall forget I have a Lord. I must forget him here . Al. Doe so , and if ( I say ) you love mee , speake plainely what you ▪ would have mee doe , or what you would doe with mee ( I love to dant these young thing● that love before they can love to the purpose , or speake to 't ▪ handsomely like a Boy that would faine be shooting at wild-fowle , before hee knowes how to discharge a Birding-piece ) I would heare you speake , you have often mu●tered and fribled some intentions towards me , but I would heare you speake . Come , if you love me lay by the feare of the Lord that sent you , and tell me roundly now , what you would have me doe ? Bel. I would intreat you — Al. Well ; what ? Bel. That you would be pleas'd — Al. With what ? or to doe what ? Bel. To weare this paire of Silke stockins for me ▪ Al. Is that all your sute , 't is granted , with my thanks to you ; Have you no more to say ? Bel. Yes , I say you are the beautifull'st of Women ; and that my Lord in your enjoyment is the happiest — Al. Nay thinke not of your Lord , but aske me , something . Bel. I would but dare not hope for such a favour , ●ou'l never grant i● , my unworthinesse . Al. How can you tell ? Bel. You will not wrong my Lord , so as to doe it . Al. Not in his sight perhaps . What is it ? come . Bel. It is — Al. It is then , let it be so . Go to Schoole child . Bel. It is — That you would , let me — give you this ring , And grace it with your Finger . Al. Will that be a wrong to your Lord ? Bel. Yes , to weare any favours , but his own . Al. Dos he know this ? Bel. No , nor I would not that he should ( and given by me ) for all the Rubies in Cheapside , where I bought this but now , over the way . Al. Come sir , I 'le dally w' ye no longer , I know what you would have with me . Bel. And now you will betray me : I am sham'd then and undone . Al. No , but I have you o'● the hip . 'T is plaine you would lie with me : deny it if you can . Bel. O deare , did I say so now ? Al. What need you when I know it , you would lie with me , and you shall . Take courage man. Bel. But , in good earnest , shall I ? shall I ? Al. Yes , in good earnest , you 'l finde it no trifling businesse , when you come to 't once . But sir , upon condition . Bel. Any condition Lady . Al. All purpose on 't is lost , and all comes out else . Bel. Name your condition , I 'le performe it if it be in the power of my life . Al. You saw here at your comming a faire Lady . Bell. I tooke no notice of her . Al. But she did of you , she is calld the Lady Thrivewell . Bel. Sir Oliver Thrivewells Lady ? Al. The same , you have known her it seemes . Bel. Seene her before shee was married . Al. I will be briefe with you , as you love mee shee loves you as eagerly , but with much more boldnesse , you saw her whisper mee , and how loth shee was to depart , when her eye was upon you . Bel. I did observe it . Al. Shee is my noble friend , and the sweetest Lady , I need not set her out . But though you thinke you suffer in your honour , in being an instrument twixt your Lord and mee , with the base blot of Pander sticking on you , ( these were your words ) I have ingag'd my selfe for her to be your Pandaresse ; be so , I shall be even with you in businesse if you account it so . Bel. What d ee meane Lady ? Al. To urge against my selfe , for that sweete Lady , which no Woman else I thinke would doe , that loves you so unfainedly as I. But 't is my fate , and the injunction I must lay upon you , to make mee yours . That first you give your selfe to her Embraces ; I 'le give you means for your accesse to her , and your successe with her , which done , and on your faith affirm'd to mee , 't is so , I will perpetually bee yours more freely then your Lords . Bel. You urge this but to try my constancy . Al. For that I 'le satisfie you soon , my husband coming we must to night at the Beare — My Lord writes so . Enter Saleware . Sal. And there I will direct you in your progresse . Ally how dost ? Mr. Bellamy how i st ? How dos my noble Lord ? You are sad methinks . Ha' you overbought any thing here , and so repent your bargaine ? Or cannot my wife , and you agree upon 't ▪ you must use Mr. Bellamy kindly my sweet Ally : hee is our noblest Lords most speciall favorite , and must finde all faire dealing here , as well when I am abroad as at home sweet heart . Bel. You heare not mee complaine sir , fare you well . Exit . Sal. What an Assinego 's this ! He might ha' thank'd mee for my good words , though I meant him no good will , I hope thou hast overreach'd him indeed . Al. Thomas your hopes are vaine , Thomas in seating mee here to overreach , or underreach any body . I am weary of this Mechanick course Thomas ; and of this courser habit , as I have told you divers and sundry times Thomas , and indeed of you Thomas that confine me to 't , but the bound must obey . Sal. Never the sooner for a hasty word , I hope sweete Ally ; Not of me nor of my shop I prethee at seasonable times Love. But for thy habit ( though this be decent on a Citizens wife ) use thine owne fancy , let it be as Courtly , or as Lady-like as thou pleasest , or my Lords desires . Al. Then I am friends agen . Sal. Troth , and I 'le call thee friend , and I prethee , let that be our familiar and common compellation : friend it will sound daintily , especially when thou shalt appeare too gallant to be my Wife . Sa. Then let it be so friend . Al. Intruth it shall , and I am very much taken with it . Friend I have found a Customer to day that will take off my rich parcell of broad Bed-lace , that my Lord Paylate bespoke , and left on my hands , for lack of money . Al. I have sold it already friend , with other Laces at a good rate . Sal. And all for ready money friend ? Al. Yes friend , a hundred pounds , and somewhat more . Sal. Who would be , or who could live without such a friend , in such a shop ? This money comes so pat for a present occasion , to stop a gap . It has stopt a gap already friend . Al. I have dispos'd of the money , the odd hundred pound for apparrell , friend , and other accommodations for my selfe . Sal. Never the sooner for a hasty word I hope friend . Al. I have done it friend , whereby to appeare more Courtly , and Ladilike as you say , to gaine you more custome to your Shop . Sal. Uuch friend — Is it so ? Al. And friend you must not be angry , or thinke much of it , if you respect your profit friend . Sal. I were no friend but a wretch if I would . No let it goe friend , and — Sapientia mea mihi is my word , I must not grudge at my friend in any thing . Al. Then friend , let your shop be your own care for the rest of this day , I have some busines abroad . Sal. Whither sweet friend ? Al. Is that a friendly question ? Sal. I am corrected friend , but will you not take a Man to wait upon you ? Al. To watch me , shall I ? and give you account of my actions ? was that spoke like a friend ? Sal. I am agen corrected friend , Doe your own pleasure , you 'l returne to supper . Al. Yet againe ? Sal. And agen , I am corrected friend ? Al. Neither to supper , nor to bed perhaps . Sal. Never the sooner for a hasty word I hope . Al. But if I chance to stay , you cannot be a faithfull friend and aske mee where , or in what company , friendship you know allowes all liberty . Exit . Sal. Sapientia mea mihi . A wity wife , with an imperious will , Being crost , findes meanes to crosse her Husband still ; And Tradesmen that so match , must not with Gall Temper their Wives , but sweetly by wit-all . Exit . Enter Carelesse , with two Letters in his hand , and Wat with a Candle , and Wax . Car. Dos not the World come finely on , Wat , ha ? And have not wee convenient commings in already , ha ! Shew Gold. Wat. Better then wee know how to have payd , for that 's the glory on 't . Car. I need no more insconsing now in Ram-alley , nor the Sanctuary of White-fryers , the Forts of Fullers-rents , and Milford-lane , whose walls are dayly batter'd with the curses of bawling creditors . My debts are payd ; and here 's a stock remayning of Gold , pure Gold harke how sweetly it chincks . Carless seals his Letters . Wat. Yes , and 't will ring the changes shortly . Car. For necessaries Wat , for necessaries it shall change , and Ring all out , and 't wil so long as I have an Unkle , and know to mannage him , let money flie , I can no faster spend then he supply . Wat. For necessaries sir , but you must not now count Sack and Tobacco , Whores and Fidlers in abundance , necessaries . Car. Why pray ? Wat. Because you 'l have but little then for extraordinaries , That is to say in a Gentleman for charitable , and pious works and uses . Car. The fellow 's spoy'ld . Wat. Not spoy'ld neither : For I would but wave your purpose of flying at all new Game , and neglect your poore whore , who now begins to be so violent for wrongs , shee can no longer beare , that shee intends to pursue you with her complaints hither to your Unkles House . Car. My Unkles house ? my house . Is not the first Mornings draught mine ? Wat. With great reason , for you are first dry in the morning . Car. Is not the question first ask'd mee , what will you have to breakfast ? what will please you for Dinner , and what for Supper ? Has not my Unkle let out monies , and taken Bonds and Morgages in my name ? doe not his Tenants crowch to mee , and his servants all call me young Master ? And dos not my Unkle take care to marry mee to ten thousand pound , and a thing like a wife ? Wat. You have got a brave possession here , I must needs say ; and I applaud your fortune most in this , tha● your young Aunt the noble Lady here , who you see feard would prove a cruell Stepdame to you , appeare● to be more friend to you then your Unkle . 'T is a mo●● gracious Sun-shine in her . Car. Shee shall lose nothing by 't . I have thought a way to requite her . Wat. But sir , for Mistris Phebe , will you take no order for the poore soule ? Car. I do not like your zealous solicitation , but her● an order for her , in answer of her Malipert Letter yo● brought me last night . Give it her , and these five pieces upon condition that shee never come , write , or send to me againe , till I send to her . Wat. That 's somewhat hard Sir. Car. Nay look you Wat , you are a little mistaken i● me . I must give over whoring , for speciall causes there unto me moving . Wat. O now I finde you . And 't were richly wort● your patience , if you could winne the Widow by 't , for whom you stood in faire election once , untill your last debauchment . Car. I shall stand fairer for her sir , when I leave working but a weeke or two , shall I not ? Wat. Yes , if you leave it quite , but to forsake her whom you have brought low , to fall to others , were such a thing — Car. Well sir , it may be I will , it may be I wo'nt , what 's that to you ? carry you the Letter , and the Money , and try how that will worke with her . Wat. I 'le doe my best , but if shee should exclaime , and bring on her Cosen Mr. Saleware to bee clamorous — Car. Her Cozen 's a Cuckold , exclaime and clamorous ! give me my money againe . Wat. Nay I am gone sir . Exit . Enter Saveall . Car. The Rogue 's in faction with 'em ; O noble Mr. Saveall , you have most fairely kept your minute with me , I have written my Letter , seald it and all , here to the Widow . Sav. So early ? that is well . Car. I have written no lesse then six large Epistles this morning , and sent 'em now by my Man to be convey'd into the Country to Lords and Knights , with all the news spirituall , and temporall , forraine and domestick that could possibly fall into a private Gentlemans Collection . Sav. Is it possible ? Car. With such dexterity , that if I would make a Trade on 't , I could undoe all the Newes-mongers in Town that live by 't . Sav. It is a most commendable practise in a Gentleman , and it will mature your judgement in the both Common-wealth and State affaires , and in short time invite you unto the chaire of Helme . Car. When I am once married , and setled , you shall see what an asse 't is , he believes me . Sav. How am I comforted in my Meditation for you , and how over-joy'd will your Unkle be at the use you make of your retirements ! Car. I confesse it is ( by reason of my unwontednesse to it ) some difficulty for me to write to women ; wherefore since you have so nobly undertaken the conveyance of this , let me beseech you to apologize for the rudenes of my stile . Sav. To the faire hands of the most acomplish'd in vertue Mistris Anne Crostill , present , I pray with my service ; The out-side hath no rudenesse on it , and ( I doubt it not ) shee shall finde within all sweetenesse and urbanity . Car. As you may interpret it to her sir . Sav. Sir , what I have already said , and do intend to say unto her from your Unkle , and my selfe on your behalfe , together with what you have here written , shall ( I doubt it not ) prepare so faire a way of proceeding for you ; That at your visit of her you may say , veni , vidi , vici , she is your own . Car. And then — a ha , Mr. Saveall ! Sa. Expect your fortune modestly , and when it comes embrace it with discretion . Car. Sir , I am edified . Sa. It is well if you be so ; I will put my undertaking in action presently , Pray for my good successe . Car. I dare not tell him now I cannot ; but I wish well for the Monies sake ; and let the Vintners pray , and all the decay'd Sparks about the Towne , whom I will raise out of ashes into flame againe . Let them pray for my good wokes . O my young Lady aunts grave waiting Woman . If shee were not hers , and out of this house I should take her for a Bawd now . But being hers , and here how much may I mistake ? all flesh is frayle . Enter Nurse with Caudle cup. Nur. Not to disturbe your morning Meditations , my Lady has sent you — Car. And you have brought me , what sweet Mistris Closet ? Nur. A part of her Ladiship● own breakfast , it is very cordiall and comfortable to the spirits , I assure you , and delectable to the younger sort , and profitable to the old . Car. One of Robert Greenes workes , or the mad Doctor that preaches boyld in 't I thinke . Nur. 'T is a composition of mine owne Sir , of many excellent decoctions , of most wholesome restorative , and costly ingredients . Car. That it was sent by her makes it more excellent , whose bounteous care of me , I must acknowledge exceeds all cost in carving to me , and countenancing me at her Table , in gracing me in presence of the Ladies that come to visit her ; in giving charge for decency in all things for my Chamber , my fires shining , my odours burning , my livery serv'd in , my soft and costly bed prepar'd and spread with perfum'd linnen — here 's Ambergreece in this now — Nur. O is it so , doe you finde that ? Car. But though shee is my own Unkles wife , I could ●'ne say 't is pity a young man had her not . Nur. What a wag 's this ? Car. Shee is a most sweet Lady . Nur. Shee is a sweete Lady indeed , I can best speake it that have knowne her from the wombe hitherto : A sweete infant shee was borne , and a sweete babe I swadled it , and a sweete child I nurs'd it , I traynd it up a sweete child . It was in manners a sweet child , at her Booke and Sample a sweet child . I never whipt it but once , and then it was sweete too , and sprawl'd but a little , and whimper'd but a little it was so sweet a child ; And so shee grew upwards , and upwards towards woman , and a sweet youngling shee was , and so grew upwards and upwards towards man , and then a sweete Bride shee was , and now a most sweet Lady shee is , ( as you say , and I commend you for it ) And so she stands at a stay . For now shee growes no more upwards then upon her Wedding day , not upwards as I would have her upwards , here I meane young Gentlemen , could I but see a sweet babe of hers once by my Master , I could be then content to sleep with my Ancestors . Car. I had rather see your Gibship hang'd up with Polcatts in a Warren , and your sweet Lady with you , though I confesse that were some pitty . I hope her barrennesse , or his will preserve her from my curse . Nur. I hope still , and shee hopes still ; and I make him of this broth for every morning , and many other good strengthning things ( I cannot say for the same purpose ) for I shall never see him have an heire by her . Car. Excellent ! that 's best of all . Nur. Because you then are heire , say you so ? Is that your love to your Aunt ? Car. No I protest Nurse , I meant by the broth , the bottome was the best of all . Nur. Then I cry mercy . Car. Cannot all thy art , and her cost finde helpe for my Unkle , think'st thou , to get a child ? Nur. Helpe ! what d ee meane . He might have helpe and helpes enough , were she not too vertuous . Car. Still thou mistak'st me Nurse . Nur. Away wag away , your Aunt loves you too well to thinke so of her . Car. Nurse as I hope to inherit any thing hereafter — Nur. I should but serve you well to tell her your good thought of her . Car. Nurse , by this good — peece I thinke no harme . Nur. Nay , nay . Car. Take it I say . And tell her if thou wilt , that I love her so well , that were shee not mine Unkles wife , I would get her an heire my selfe rather then be his . Nur. Kinde young Master , now I am heartily sorry that I mov'd you . Car. And for my Unkle were I his heire apparent , I rather wish he might live till all this World were weary of him , and the next affraid to take him . Then I survive him ( Tonuge , a pox punish you for lying ) Now I live well , and merily good Nurse , Wealth and Estates , bring cares and troubles with 'em , Were all young heires of my contented mind , Parents and Patrons would be better prayd for . Nur. Good Gentleman . Nurse Closet . Lady within — Closet — Nur. O my Lady calls . Car. Present my thanks and best respects unto her . Nur. I should ha' told you first — I ha' forgot . My head is naught , Car. What member hast thou good then ? Nur. My Lady desires you — This talke has put me out — O this head ! My Lady desires you — Car. Desires shee me Nurse ? Nur. Yes sir , shee desires you . Car. Refuse me if I desire not her as much , for all she is my Unkles leavings . Nur. My Lady desires you . Car. And shee shall have me Nurse — And she were ten Unkles wives , and she ten of mine Aunts . Nur. O this head ! nay now you will not heare mee , shee desires you to goe abroad in the Coach with her . Car. Any whither , to Islington , Newington , Padington , Kensington , or any of the City out-leaps ( I know 'em all ) for a spirt and back againe , tell her I am up and ready for her , and could ha' been without her stirrup porredge , though I thanke her for her care . A man can not be too well prepar'd , or provided for so sweete a Lady , in so much distresse . A very Andromeda , chain'd to a Rock . Takes up his Cloak & Sword ▪ Nur. What 's this you say ? I understand no word of it , I would take your answer right , though I falter'd in my Ladies message . Car. The Devills in this overruning Tongue of mine , I could finde in my heart to worme him out with my teeth . Nur. What must I tell my Lady Sir ? Car. That I am more oblig'd to her Ladiship then I was to my Mother , shee has brought mee a new man into the World , and that my Being and my Life is hers . Enter Lady . La. I hope hee 's a true convertite , did I send you to hold discourse here , Closet ? Nur. Nor did I Madam but I could heare this Gentleman a whole day methinks . Hee speakes so acknowledgingly of your Ladiships vertue , and goodnesse towards him . La. I am beholding to him , will you goe with mee Nephew to the Exchange ? I am to buy some toyes there for the Country , you may get a fancy by 't . Car. Good , I must weare her favours . La. Or cannot you forbeare your study so long ? Car. To doe you service Madam , under whose commands I build my happinesse . La. Be not at the distance of complement with mee good Nephew . Car. I would not be thought insolent deare Madam . La. Come the Coachman grumbles at my stay , and 't will be Dinner-time presently , so the Cooke will be angry too . Car. You are all tendernesse to your servants Madam . Exit . Nur. A sweete Gentleman , and bountifull , if my Lady had been blest with such a Husband , what a place had I had ! Exeunt Omnes . ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Crostill reading a Letter , Saveall . Cros . DOe you know the contents Mr. Saveall of the familiar Epistle you have brought me here ? Sav. No Lady , but I guesse it a faire expression of the Writers affection to you , although hee desired mee to crave your pardon for the rudenesse of his stile , it being the first that hee hath composed of that consequence . Cros . Ha , ha , ha , I 'le trust you sir , with the full knowledge of it , pray read it your selfe . Sav. I finde shee is pleased , and my indeavour prosperous , for the young Gentleman , I am sorry that I delaid a day in the delivering of it . Cros . Pray read it out sir , for I finde it so pleasant that I could heare it a whole day together . Reades . Sav. In the first place you shall give mee leave to wonder at your impudence ( though it be but in your dreames ) to have a thought that I ever intended , or can be drawne by perswasion , force , or the power of witchcraft to marry you — Blesse mee ! sure if hee writ this , the Devill dictated to him . Cros . On sir , that 's but his first charge . Sav. Secondly , I am to tell you , that I am warme in mine Vnkles favour . And 't is not a peece a time , or five peeces for a peece of pleasure can undoe mee ; and so I can have change , and scape the captivity of Wedlock . This could no otherwise be done but by the Devill that ought him the shame . Cros . What follows I pray , there 's the first and second point past ? marke his method . Sav. Thirdly , and lastly , let mee advise you , since you are so hot upon Marriage , though I assure myselfe you love none but mee , ( and I thanke you for 't ) that you frame or dissemble an affection to some one of the City , who is but comparative to your selfe in blood and fortune , and so you may make by-use of me as your friend , and have children like me , GEORGE CARELESSE . Cros . Have you ever heard so queint a Love Letter ? Sav. Lady , the injury done in it , to your selfe is unanswerable , but my wrong in being his Messenger , I will make him answer . Cros . Excuse me Sir , he has done me a favour ; I pray informe him so with my great thankes . But for what you conceive a wrong to your selfe , use your discretion , you have no more to say to me for him at this present , have you sir ? Sav. Not for him but against him , I will un say all that I sayd before intended for his good . Cros . But I 'le not heare you wrong your former love , and judgement of him so , which made so deepe impression here , that I had lock'd his love up as a Jewell in my Breast , and you in striving now to wrest it thence may breake the Cabinet ; I rather wish you 'l be a friendly meanes to draw his presence hither , that I my self may mildly question him . Sav. Are you serious Lady ? Cros . I feare I shall not rest before I see him , but doe not tell him that , lest in this ●ullen humour , hee force his absence to afflict mee more ; I 'le hold you sir no longer , deale for me as you can , I know you have a guesse at my desire . Sav. I 'le doe you service in it . Exit Crostill . I guesse that her desire is to doe some act of Revenge upon him . And ( so it be not mortall ) it were but Justice in her for so grosse a scorne by him cast upon a well reputed Gentleman . Yet is it observ'd in her that shee has a violent humour to do , and not to doe things oftentimes wilfully against all good councell or perswasion , shee has the spirit of contradiction in her , and an unalterable resolution upon sodaine intentions , a most incorrigible will shee has that will not bow nor breake . This crosse abusive Letter therefore may doe good upon her , however mischievous hee might intend it . If shee meant well to him before , it may the faster bring her on , but it amazes me that hee should write so , bearing his Unkle , and my selfe in hand , that hee so fairely lov'd her , and besought us to negotiate with her for him , should shee forgive it , yet the wrong to us in his vile manners is unpardonable , and so sir , I come to you . Enter Carelesse . Car. O Mr. Saveall — Sav. What mischiefe or despight have I e're done you , That could provoke your desperate spleene against mee , To wound mine honour ? Car. What doe you meane good sir ? Sav. You have employed mee basely , made mee your Carrier of scandall , and scurrility to the hands Of noblenesse and vertue . Could the Fiend Lust that is in you suffer you to write No other Sense or Language to a person Of her faire Name , and Worth , then such as Ruffians Would send to strumpets ? or it being such . Enter Wat. Could not a Porter , or your Pandare there Serve for the lewd conveyance ? What a welcom 's that ! Sav. You might safer Ha' sent it so , and your own right hand with it ; Then to have drawn my just revenge upon you . Draws . Car. Hold I beseech you , and sir , though I lose the Widow by my error ( which was indeed but a meere accident ) let mee not be so miserable made as to lose you , before you heare a short Examination — Deliver'd you the Letter which I sent Yesterday to the Damsell that you wot of ? Wat. Yes sir , shee read it , kist it a hundred times , Then made a bosome Idoll on 't , And sayes you are the noblest Gentleman , Under a Saint that e're tooke care for sinner . Car. Hell take her for a mistaking whore , Shee has the widows Letter , and the widow hers , I found it sir , when you judiciously Said it was Ruffian-like , and Strumpet ▪ language . Wat. How could you erre so strangely ? Car. O slightly , slightly , curse o' my heedless braine ! And then too be trapp'd with carelesnesse . When I was so religiously resolv'd , T' incline to vertue , and a Marriage life , Thinking with one hand to cast off my follies , And to take hold of vertue with the other , For sir , ( I will confesse my selfe to you ) The Letter you conveyed was in defiance , A loose liv'd wanton , intended to a whore , That impudently hopes an interest in me . Sav. It was not so directed . Car. I there was ( The Hell confound it on 't ) my giddines : I seald both Letters e're I superscrib'd 'em , And so gave each the contrary direction . Sav. 'T was a grosse carelesnesse , and if you lose A fortune by 't , do not blame your friends . Car. That fortune should favour a whore before An honest woman . 'T was the sweetest Letter , The daintiest winning things — ( the Devills in 't ) Shee must not carry 't from the widow so . Fetch mee the Letter againe . Wat. Do you thinke shee 'l part with 't sir ? Car. Cannot you beat it out of her sir ? Wat. I cannot tell how to do that . Car. Thus sir — I 'le give you demonstration , you malicious Rogue , you that conspirst with her to betray me , so good a Master I have beene to thee , and so good a friend to her , I 'le recompence you both . Wat. You have undone us both , and will discard us now you are warme in your Unkles bosome agen — but — Car. But what you Traitor you ? Wat. You put me in good minde , and if I do not somewhat . Car. I owe you somewhat for your last-nights absence , too pernicious Villaine that kepst thy selfe out o' the way o' purpose that I should bee drunke , and abuse my self , and the house here all lay o' your absence , There 's somewhat more for that . Beats him . Wat. 'T is all upon account sit . Car. Who knowes an honest Servingman that wants a good Master . Exit . Sa. Was it your mans fault Mr. Carelesse ? if I be not reveng'd &c. Car. No faith , To speak truth he was as much abus'd in it , as you in doing a thing as contrary to his vile conditions , as you did to your noble Name . But I crave onely your pardon , I know not what I doe besides . This crosse blow of chance staggers my reason so — Sa. Well sir , since I have found the errour , my reason reconciles me to you , and since it grew out of your equall intent to cast off the evill , as to embrace the good , I will re-mediate for you to the widow . Car. But yet shee 'l know I have had a whore . Yet then you may say , 't is such a running Disease among young Gentlemen , that not one of a hundred has scap'd it , that have prov'd stay'd men afterwards , and very sober husbands ; As looke you yonder 's one may prove , whom now I have in good sooth a great desire to beate . Enter Lady , and Bellamy talking . Sa. In your Aunts presence , and your Unkles house ; Though I were not his friend ; could you be so outragious ? I muse I see him here though . Car. Cry you mercy sir , are you his friend ? Sa. I make my selfe so , hee being dependent to my noblest Lord , whom I am bound to honour . Car. What Lord I pray , that I may honour him too . Sa. The Lord Lovely . Car. That loves women above wine , wine above wealth , wealth above friend , and friends above himselfe . There 's no scandall in all that sir . Sa. It goes so of him indeed , but he loves honor above all those . La. Mr. Saveall a word . Sa. Your servant Madam . Car. In the name of flesh , for what dos his Lordship employ that Angle-worme to my Aunt ? Hee has had her this houre in private conference , close chamberd up together , not so much as Matron Nurse in the roome with 'em , 'T is a fine sleeke thing , and almost pitty to hunt it , but sure I must beat it , as place and time convenient may serve . La. Pray● Mr. Saveall move you my Husband for it , I would not medle in his money matters willingly . Sa. Five hundred pound for my Lord upon the mentioned security , I will break it to sir Oliver . Car. Is that the businesse after so much privacy ? ●very prety , my Aunt 's a woman too , and me Unkle may have as forked a fortune , as any of the City , that lend out money to hedge in Lordships . La. I am his Lordships servant . Bel. And I your Lordships good Madam . And yours Mr. Saveall . Sa. I am for your way Mr. Bellamy . Car. And I sir , and 't please you . Exit . Sav. Bel. La. George Carelesse , I would speak with you . Car. May I not wait upon your Gentleman to the Gate Madam ? La. No good George , though I commend your curtesie , yet would I not you should neglect your owne dignity . Car. Umh — I am under Government . La. The young man , if you have modesty will thinke you mock him , if not you 'l make him become arrogant , know you not whose man he is ? Car. No t is apparent , this over-slighting of him proclaimes shee loves him , whose follower Madam , and I know Lords followers , Knights fellows . La. Not all Lords followers to all Knights George . Car. To as many as their faire Ladies will give way to , that are not faint-hearted . La. I understand you not George ; something troubles you , you are not right to day . Car. I am only as I am in your favour Madam . La. Come I know what perplexes you ▪ and 't is therefore that I desire to talke with you ; I am not angry with you , but let mee tell you George , although not openly I tooke notice of the pickle you came home in last night , after your Unkle was in Bed ; to whom , mervayling at your absence I excus'd you , as gone at my request to visit some Ladies with whom you staid Supper , I told him , when you were with your Roucers . Car. But did you never go ? La. Indeed I did , and he was satisfied . Car. O my sweet Lady Aunt● ! I was indeed amongst 'em , and deeply merry . La. And drunke as deeply ! Car. I will abuse your goodnesse so no more . La. Say and hold George , for your own good . Car. What 's now become of mee , I am under correction . La. I would you could have seene your selfe , and how your disguise became you , as I was told , I do but friendly tell you of some passages , as they were to mee related , by those whom I have charm'd to speake no more on 't . Be secure therefore in your Unkle . Car. O my deare heavenly Aunt ! La. First , at the doore you bounc'd like a Giant at the Gate of an inchanted Castle , before which could be opened offence was taken by you at your Sedan-men ; for asking money ( as appeard afterwards ) more then you brought from the Taverne , and leaving their office fouler by a distemper'd stomach-full , then you found it . In the strife for these sad causes your Sword being seiz'd on , you being unable to use it , were found by my servants at Luggs with your brace of Corps bearers , in the dirt , and their poore hovill Chaire turnd on his ridge in the Kennell . Car. I 'le never be drunk agen . La. I hope you will say so , when you have heard all George ; but by the way your late stock being spent , here are ten peeces towards a supply . Car. O sweet golden Aunt ! Well sir , the striefe appeas'd , you were tane in . Then hay is there no Sack i' the house ? T is for you in you Chamber is replid , up you are had , where is the Rogue my man ? not seene since Yesterday ; Fetch me a wench . Blesse us cries old Sim the Butler , wee have none i' th house , nor cannot send for any out o' dores . Dost — tell me that ? is not my Ladies Woman , my Ladies Chamber-maide , the Laundry-maide , the wench under the Cooke , my Ladies Nurse old Winter plum , nor my Lady her selfe within ? I know , or will know all the shee things in the house . La. But why me up in your bedroll George ? Car. P●eigh . Beats his head La. You remember none o' this ! Car. It is not worth it Madam . La. Nor how you scar'd Chamber-maid , whom I sent in love to see care taken for you , not dreaming of any ill thought in you , doe you remember how you told her , and what you would give her , when your Unkle died for a small present curtesie ? she was faine to saisfie you with a false promise to steale to bed to you before foure men could force , or humor you into it . Car. What an unhallowed Rascall was I ! La. 'T is well you consider it now . And still consider George . How ill excesse of Wine , Roaring and VVhoring becomes a Gentleman , and how well sobrietie , curtesie , and noble action , and dangers wait upon the one sort , and what safety accompanies the other ! Car. Wine , Roaring and Whoring , I will lay that saying of yours Madam to my heart ; but Wine is the great wheele that sets the rest a whirling . La. True George , for had you not first beene ●ullied with Wine , you would not have abus'd your selfe to ha tumbled in the dirt with your Litter-mules , nor offer'd to seduce my Chamber-maide . Suppose you had overcome her , how could you have come off but with shame to your selfe , and the utter ruine of the poore Wench ? Car. Still shee corrects me for my medling with base matters and people , shee is not angry shee sayes , though I call'd for her last night i' my drinke , shee gives me mony , I will now understand her , and whereunto all her former favours and her later admonitions are directed , and presently appeare a gratefull Nephew . La. Nay , bee not sad upon it George , as I would win you from your faults , I would have you still be cheerfull . If any thought troubles you , you may be free with me George . Car. O Madam you have made me , and now take me to you . La. How meane you ? Car. Freely and wholly , the truest , faithfullst servant , and I thinke the ablest that any Lady of your lacks and longings ever bestowd a favour on , though I say'● my self . You 'l swear 't when you have tri'd me , and 't be but hourely for a month together . La. Is the man sound troe ? Car. I defy Surgeon , or the Potecary can come against mee . La. Sound i' your senses sir , I meane . Car. O for blabbing Madam never feare mee , now I am resolv'd to live soberly , and be onely yours . And with such pleasure , with such safety , secresie , and fulnesse , I will so constantly supply you , that you shall not have time to dreame of the defects of your old man. La. Doe you meane your Unkle , and not know whose wrong you unnaturally and sinfully pursue ? Car. No man living Madam can doe it for him , more naturally and lesse sinfully ; I am of the same flesh and blood , and bring his youth to your pleasure , how can you thinke old Unkles children are got ? or how came up the proverbe , Shee is one of mine Aunts , doe you thinke ? You would have a child by him . All your Cawdells and Cock-broaths will never doe it , An old mans generative spirit runs all into braine , and that runs after covetousnesse too , get wealth , not children . Believe it , much Nephews helpe belongs to it , and then the children are not degenerate , I cannot thinke but many Unkles know it , and give way to it , because stranger bloods shall not inherit their Lands , and so sweet Aunt if I live not to inherit his , my son may , in your first born . There will be a sweet comfort to you . La. But is all this in earnest ? Car. In earnest ? yes , And I pray so take it , and let it be a bargaine , and now presently in the Chamber , I will make you my first payment for the purchace . La. Fie , fie , you doe but say so ? Car. That shall be tri'd presently . Come sweet Madam , I finde you are willing , and I sweare I am resolute , and will be as secret as your own woman , if you will not goe I protest I 'le carry you . La. Nay preythee George set me down a little . Car. Psewgh — I need none o' these whesings I. La. But prathee tell mee , dost thou not all this onely to trie me , or am I a Rogue thinke you , or wouldst thou seriously that thine own naturall Unkle , thy bountifull Patron , nay thy father on the matter , should suffer such a wrong , and done by us ? Car. Harke there againe , Madam have I not proved sufficiently and plainely , that I shall in doing the feate for him doe him the greatest right in the world , in getting him , and you an indubitable heire , and to give him both the comfort , and the glory of it ? La. Was ever such a Reprobate ? Car. And you can doe him no wrong ( though you had not a Ladies priviledge ) to Cuckold him , for assure your selfe hee Cuckqueanes you , now come Madam . La. You speake not on your knowledge . Car. I never was his Pimpe , but what I have heard , I have heard . Now come Madam . La. I heard Mr. Saveall protest within these three days that hee thought my Husband the chastest man ( of a Gentleman ) that he knows . Car. O did hee so , Madam , believe it they two have whor'd together , and that Saveall has pimpt for him oftener then you ever lay with my Unkle . La. What! since he married me ? Car. What else ? Saveall is not onely his grave Parasite , but his Pimpe , and has spent my Unkle more in these civill punctuall wayes , then I in all my whole debauches , what did you thinke hee kept him for ? O they are a brace of subtle dry Tweakes , come now Madam . La. What an inhumane Villain 's this ▪ Car. I 'le tell you all now upon our inward acquaintance . La. You have told too much already to have any acquaintance with me at all , nor shall you , unlesse you presently recant all that you have , or would have said upon this subject . Car. Madam — La. Stand further and replie not , lesse I call in those that shall sadly silence you . Have you abus'd your Unkle , and the next best friend you have i' the World , in hope thereby to abuse mee most , that was no enemy of yours till now you justly have provok'd me ? Car. I tooke not a right course . La. Was this the best construction you could make of my love to you , or a fit requitall , to make me an incestuous Whore ? Car. Yes , yes , a pox my course was right enough , but I undertooke her at an ill season . Her spruce springall left her but now , I 'le tell her so Madam . La. Come I perceive you are sorry ; and that 's a part of satisfaction . Therefore for once I 'le winke at your transgression , especially before others . Here 's one you see . Enter Closet . Car. I doe , the Devill blind her . Nur. Madam — La. But tempt me so againe , and I 'le undoe you . Car. I know how you 'l undoe mee witty Madam , Ah — Aside . La. Nay be not sad George , discover not your selfe , and you are safe , for once I tell you . Car. Shee 'l come about I see . La. But will you Cozen goe , and doe that for me ? Car. Most readily good Madam , I have your full directions . La. All Cosen , if you forget not . Car. I cannot be so negligent in your service Madam , I finde by this fain'd errand shee dares not trust her trollop there , I love her wit now too . Exit . La. He is both schoold , and coold I hope . Now Closet what 's your News ? Clo. Of a Citizen Madam that intreats to speake with your Ladiship . La. Doe you not know his Name , or Trade ? Clo. Yes , I had both eene now , but I have such a Head. La. If you have lost 'em by the way pray go back and seeke 'em , or bring you his businesse . Clo. I ask'd his businesse Madam , and told him hee might trust mee with it without a hand to his booke , but he said it could not be delivered , but by his owne word o' mouth to your Ladiship . La. What strange matter is it troe ? or what Citizen , is not his Name Saleware ? Clo. Yes Madam , and he is a ( O this head ) a — La. A Silkeman is he not ? Clo. Yes Madam the same . La. I hope his impudent Wife has not told him all ; if shee has , where 's his remedy in this Womans Law-case ? Clo. There 's a Gentleman with him too Madam . La. Then wee shall have it , 'T is his Wife sure , well I am prepar'd for the incounter . Bid 'em come up , if they grow violent or too bold with mee , I 'le set my Nephew George upon ' em . 'T is not his Wife , what Creature is it troe with me , Mr. Saleware ? Enter Saleware , Phebe . Sal. Craving your pardon Madam , a few words in the behalfe of this poore Kinsewoman of mine , touching a Gentleman , who I heare lives in your House , Mr. George Carelesse , Madam , by whom shee has received much injury . La. How sir I pray ? Sal. Pray Madam read this Letter , weepe not , but hold up thy head Cuz , wee will not be dasht , nor basht in a good cause ; pray read you Madam . La. I am now ( Lady ) in favour with my Vnkle , and in faire possibility of a good Estate , deporting my selfe ( I intend to doe ) a civill Gentleman . To which end ( induc'd as well by reason , as by long continued affections ) I tender my selfe to you in the holy condition of Marriage . If you vouchsafe your consent , ( which is my most earnest request ) I shall not onely declare my selfe a good Husband , but the most happy , GEO. CARELESSE . Sal. Wherein appeares the injury to your Kinswoman ? Sal. In flying from his Word , and Deed Madam . He has borne her in hand these two yeares , and use her at his pleasure , detaining her from her choyce of many good fortunes , and at last sends her this to make amends for all , and denies his act the next day , sending his man to take the Letter from her , pretending 't was directed to another . But never the sooner for a hasty word Cosen , we will not be dasht nor basht , I warrant thee . La. Here 's the direction . To the Lilly white Hands of Mistris Mariana Gymcrack , is that your Name Lady ? Phe. I am the sorrowfull one that is knowne by it Madam . Sal. Never the sooner for a hasty word Cosen . La. I conceive the businesse , and find the error , and my great doubt is over . Sal. Weepe not I say . La. What would you have me doe Mr. Saleware ? Sal. You have discretion Madam , and I made choice of your Ladiship to open this matter unto you , rather then to Sir Oliver himselfe , whom I would not willingly exasperate against his Nephew , you may be pleased in a milder way to temper him , and worke a satisfaction for my Kinsewoman ; Sir Oliver and your selfe Madam , are noble Customers to my Shop , and for your sakes I would not deale rigourously with your Kinseman , if a gentle end may be made . But , if you cannot so compound it , the Law lies open , money and friends are to be found , a good cause shall not be sterv'd , I will not be dasht not basht , Sapientia mea mihi is my word , and so good Madam you know my mind . La. 'T is pity a Gentlewoman should suffer too much , and I like her so well at first sight , that I am easily mov'd to doe good for her , is shee your Kinsewoman in blood Mr. Saleware , or your wifes ? Sal. Mine I assure your Ladiship , though my wife can boast as great and noble friends I thank fortune , as the wife of any Tradesman that carries a head in the City , ( but that 's by the by ) yet I came of a better house , and am a Gentleman borne , none disprais'd . La. Well Mr. Saleware , leave your Kinsewoman with me a little while , you shall not be scene in my act , I 'le try what I can doe for her . Sal. With all my heart good Madam , and d ee heare Marina , This is a noble Lady , beare your selfe discreetly in the businesse , and towards her : you may get a Husband by 't , or at least a composition that may purchace one to sholder you up . But carry it high and worthy of the house I brag of , or — Sapientia mea mihi , stultitia tua tibi , That 's my sentence . Phe. Well sir , you neede not doubt my high Carriage . La. Closet . Enter Closet . Madam . La. Take ▪ this Gentlewoman to your Chamber , and I charge you let none see her , or take notice of her , but your selfe and me , till I give order . Exit Closet . I shall doe something for her doubt not Master Saleware . Exit . Lady . Sal. I shall be bound to your Ladiship , now to my Shop , to which I thanke my Wife shee has beene a Wild-cat these two dayes , which must be borne with as wee are friends . And from my House all Night , and yet no Greene-goose-faire-time ; Nor though shee were so absent must I be so unfriendly as to question her , where , or with whom shee was ; a new Article this twixt Man and Wife ! But Sapientia mea mihi , stultitia sua sibi . Thus it must be where Man and Wife are friends , and will continue so in spight of chance , or high heeld shooes , that will awry sometimes with any Women . Shee is not yet come home heere . What Ladies that , and not my Wife there to handle her handsomely for her Money ? My servants are such Assinegoes ! stay , are mine eyes perfect ? 'T is shee , 't is my Friend-wife , and in the Courtly habit , which so long shee has long'd for . And my Lord Lovelies Gammed with her . His Lordship lay not at home to Night , neither at his Lodging , I heard that by the way . I cannot thinke my Lord and shee both sate up all Night to see the Taylors at worke , and to hasten the finishing of those Cloaths , if shee were with him which I would not be so unfriendly to inquire for the worth of a Wife . 'T was right honorably done of him to send her home as gallantly attended as attir'd , if shee die — a — a — lie with him all Night , which I will not be such a beast to believe although I kn●w it . I must come on her with a little wit though , for which I will precogitate . A. Once more your story , for I am not satisfied with thrice being told it . Bel. Can a Woman take so much delight in hearing of another Womans pleasure taken ? Al. As it was given by you I can , for I am prepard by it to take pleasure from you , and shall with greedinesse expect it till I have it . Bel. Then know I pleas'd her so , that shee protested , ( and I believe her ) her Husband never pleas'd her so . Al. Or any other man you should ha' put her to that , her Husband 's but a Bungler . Bel. How know you that ? Al. I doe but guesse . Bel. Nay shee swore deeply , and I believ'd her there too , no man besides her husband but my selfe had e're injoy'd her , but let me tell you Lady , as shee was amply pleas'd she may thanke you . Al. For sending you , I know shee did and will. Bel. That was the first respect , but not the greatest : For in our Act of love , our first and second Act — Al. Indeed ! Bel. In reall deed , I can speak now like an embolden'd Lover . Al. Well , but what in your Acts of Love ? Bel. I had you still in my imagination , and that enabled mee to be more gratefull to her Ladyship , which wrought her thankfulnesse to you , exprest in a hundred pieces , sent by me , more then I tould before , which are your own shee sayes , since tother morning shee was here with you . Al. That token confirmes all . Had I the spirit of Witchcraft , when puting upon chance for my Revenge , to find Reward ! Have you the money ? Bel. Safe at my Chamber for you . Al. O you are cunning , lesse I should breake with you you thought to oblige me by 't . Bel. I 'le rather run and fetch you twice the summe , I conceal'd it onely to give it you unexpectedly . Al. Sweete Bellamy I am yours , I could be sorry now I have lost so much of thee . This Kisse , and Name your time — Sal. Would they had done whispering once , that I might enter safe in my manners . Bel. To morrow night . Al. Shall you be ready so soone thinke you after your plentifull Lady-feast . Bel. O with all fulnesse both of Delight and Appetite . Al. And with all faith and secresie I am undone else , you know my vowes unto my Lord. Bel. And can you thinke I dare be found your meane , to break 'em . Al. No more my husband comes . Pray Sir returne my thanks unto my Lord for his right noble bounty , and not mine alone , for so my husband in much duty bound also presents his thanks unto his Lordship . Sal. Yes , I beseech you sir . Bel. I am your willing Messenger . Sal. Hee is my most honored Lord , and has so many wayes obliged me both by my wife , and in mine owne particular that — Bel. I take my leave . Exit . Sal. Still this is an Assinego . I can never get him to stand a Conference , or a Complement with mee . But Sapientia mea mihi , what was that friend you made mee send thanks for to his Lordship , what new favour has hee done us , besides his councell — These Clothes , the cost was mine you told mee , out of the odd hundred pound you tooke , what late Honour has hee done us ? Al. I●t not enough I know Friend ? will you ever transgresse in your impertinent inquisitions ? Sal. I cry you mercy friend , I am corrected justly . Al. Will you never be governd by my judgement , and receive that onely fit for you to understand , which I deliver to you undemanded ? Doe not I know the weight of your floore thinke you ? Or doe it you on purpose to infringe friendship , or breake the peace you live in ? Sal. Never the sooner for a hasty word , I hope Friend . Al. Did you not Covenant with mee that I should weare what I pleased , and what my Lord lik'd , that I should be as Lady-like as I would , or as my Lord desir'd ; that I should come , and go at mine own pleasure , or as my Lord requir'd ; and that we should be alwayes friends and call so , not after the sillie manner of Citizen and Wife , but in the high courtly way ? Sal. All this , and what you please sweete Courtlyfriend I grant as I love Court-ship , it becomes thee bravely . Al. O dos it so ? Sal. And I am highly honor'd ; And shall grow fat by the envy of my repining Neighbours , that cannot maintaine their Wives so like Court-Ladies , some perhaps ( not knowing wee are friends ) will say shee 's but Tom Salewares Wife , and shee comes by this Gallantry the Lord knowes how , or so . But Sapientia mea mihi , let the Assinegos prate while others shall admire thee , sitting in thy Shop more glorious , then the Maiden-head in the Mercers armes , and say there is the Nonparrell , the Paragon of the Citie , the Flower-de-luce of Cheapside , the Shop Court-ladie , or the Courtshop Mistris , ha' my sweet Courtlie friend ? Al. How do you talke ? As if you meant to instruct 'em to abuse me . Sal. Sapientia mea mihi . Al. To prevent that I will remove out of their walke , and keepe shop no more . Sal. Never the lesse for a hasty word I hope Friend . Al. Fie , 't is uncourtly , and now I 'le tell you Friend , unaskd , what I have done for you besides in my late absence , and all under one . Sal. Under one ! yes , I could tell her under whom if I durst . Al. What 's that you say Friend ? mee thinkes you mutter . Sal. No Friend , I was guessing what that other thing might bee that you have done for mee , all under one . You have taken the House I 'le warrant , that my Lord lik'd so . Al. By my Lords favour and direction I have taken it , And I will furnish it so Courtly you 'l admire . Sal. Must I then give up Shop , or lie so far remote ? Al. No you must keepe your Shop Friend , and lie here if you please . Sal. And not with you but there ? Al. No not with me at all Friend , that were most uncourtly . Sal. But I shall have a Chamber in your house , and next to yours . Then in my Gowne and Slippers Friend at Midnight — or the first Cock. — Al. Softly for stumbling Friend , I 'le doe you any honourable offices with my Lord , as by obtaining sutes for you , for which you must looke out , and finde what you may fitly beg out of his power , and by courtly favour . But keepe your Shop still Friend , and my Lord will bring and send you such custome , that your Neighbours shall envy your wealth , and not your Wife ; you shall have such commings in abroad and at home , that you shall be the first head nominated i' the next Sheriffe season , but I with my Lord will keepe ▪ you from pricking . Bee you a Cittizen still Friend , 't is enough I am Courtly . Sal. Here 's a new Courtlie humour , I see no remedy , unlesse I run my selfe out of credit , defie the life of a Cittizen , and turn Courtly too . Al. What 's that you say ? doe you not mutter now Friend ? Sal. No , not a sillable Friend , but may not I give up Shop and turne Courtly too Friend ? Al. As you respect my Lord , and your own profit , you must be a Cittizen still , and I am no more a Cittizens Wife else , and shee must be a Cittizens Wife , that wust doe all in all with my Lord Friends . Though my Lord loves the Clothes of the Court , hee loves the diet of the City best Friend , what ever I weare outwardly hee must finde me Cittizens Wife , which Friend , O hee 's a sweet Lord. Sal. Well it shall be then as the sweete Lord will have it , Sapientia mea mihi . Exeunt omnes . ACT IV. SCENE I. Enter Lord Lovely , Crostill , Bellamy . Lo. LAdy , 't is true hee is a bashfull Lover , Unskill'd to court a Widow , has not yet , The Act methodicall to sweare he loves you , Must and will have you , nor the moving boldnesse To stirre your blood by putting of you to 't , Or shewing you how t is , before the Priest Declares it lawfull . But he has love and sweetnesse , Which you will find with full and rich content ; And look ( look here ) what a long , middle finger he has , Which with thin Jawes , and Roman Nose , Are never fayling signes of Widowes joyes . Cros . Your Lordship is dispos'd to mirth ; Lo. It is My care to put you in a course of mirth , Nay of felicity . Cros . In marrying of that stripling ! Lo. Do not thinke sl●ghtly of him , tho'he appeares Modest and bashfully , if I have any judgement , Hee 's a fit match for you . His outward fortune For his estate , I will make good to him , And for his inward vertue never doubt Hee 'l make that good to you ; However still He holds his much commended Modesty . Cros . My Lord you much commend his modestie , And bashfulnesse , urging your confidence Of his strange inward hid abilities ( I hope your Lordships pardon ) can you tell , If hee has with that bashfull modesty Got any of his Mothers Maides with child ? Or of his Fathers Tenants Wifes , or Daughters ? I would have some assurance . Lo. Then I 'le tell you . These Widowes love to heare of manly acts , And choose their husbands by their backs , and faces . Cros . My Lord you said youl 'd tell me . Lo. Yes , but I would not have you cunningly To sift discoveries from me to his wrong . Cros . I am loth to speake so plainely to you my Lord , But by the worst that you can speake of him I may the better like him . Lo. That 's her humor ; Then hearke you Widow , to avoid his blushes , Suppose I tell hee has got a bastard . Cros . You may as well suppose i'l● say 't was well . Lo. What say you to two or three ! Cros . The more the merrier . Lo. He has no lesse then five old Gentlemens Young Wives with child this Moone , but got all in One weeke . Cros . Indeed ! Lo. Yes , in good deed , and lusty . Cros . Good deed call you it , to get other Mens Children ? Lo. Suppose they have the husbands consents . Cros . I suppose they are wittalls then . Lo. No they are wisealls , and 't is a thing in much request among landed men , when old and wanting issue of their owne , to keepe out riotous Kindred from inheritance , who else would turne the Land out of the Name . Cros . An excellent policie ! Lo. You know the Lady Thrivewell . Cros . And her old husband , and his riotous Kinseman too . Lo. You will heare more hereafter , but now to him agen , for whom I am spokesman . Cros . In a strange way me thinks . Lo. Hee is sent for farre and neere on those occasions , hee is of so sweete a Composure , and such sure taking mettall , that hee employes my care to have him well bestowd before he begins to wast . Cros . I st possible hee has done so much , and sayes so little ? Lo. The deepest waters are most silent , But he can speake , and well to Bellamy . Bel. My Lord. Lo. I have made your love knowne to this Lady . Bel. My love my Lord ? Lo. And have begun your suit ; follow 't your selfe . Bel. My suit my Lord to her ? I never mov'd your Lordship to 't , Tho' I presume she may be a happy fortune to one of my condition ; a poore and younger brother ; onely made rich and happy in your Lordships service , and over-flowing favours . Lo. Which I 'le take off o' you if you slight my care in seeking your preferment to this Lady , of beauty equall with her faire estate , in both which shee is great , and her atchievement will be the Crowne , and the continuance of all my favours to you , you are lost ▪ if you pursue it not , I would thy old Unkle Bellamy saw thy Bashfulnesse . Cros . Your Lordship seemes now to wooe for me , not him , however I am bound in thanks to your noblenesse , in your faire proportion , I hope , I shall not be so poore to require an advocate , when I shall yeild to have a husband . But your mirth becomes your honor , and the young gentlemans reservednes him , Ha , ha , ha . Lo. How meane you Mistris Crostill ? Cros . I doe commend your mirth my Lord , for the lusty straine you spoke him in , that he had yet five children in one weeke , wherein I may presume you thought you had mov'd to my liking , ha , ha , ha — Lo. I am glad I have made you merry , But you will wish if you reject him — Cros . If I reject one that tenders not himselfe ! yet I commend his caution . Lo. As how I pray ? Cros . As thinking I am one of your cast peeces ( Knowing how well your Lordship loves the game ) And now would put mee on him , But you misprise mee sinfully sweet Youth In such a thought , how e're you should not scorne To ride in your Lords cast boots , though you be Gentleman of 's house . Lo. Come now he shall have none of you . Cros . I 'le heare him say he will not first , by your Lordships leave . Lo. Spirit of contradiction ! Cros . Stay sir , would you be content to have me ? Bel. You heard my Lord say I should not . Cros . But say he say agen you shall , speake , will you have mee ? Lo. Say no ( I finde her now ) that is the way to win her . Cros . Without instructions good my Lord. Bel. Lady I finde so much your scorn already , That to be wedded to 't , I should dispaire ( My much unworthinesse consider'd ) to convert it Ever to love , and 't is your love , before Your Person or Estate , that my affection Ought to direct mee to . In answer therefore , to your will , you have mee , I must say no , till I perceive some signe Of love in you towards me . Cros . I now he speakes ! Some signes of love in me ? How would you have it ? Must I declare it to you , before you seeke it ? Bel. No ; I would seeke it zealously , but my Lord Is off on 't now , and I may lose his favour . Cros . Is your love limited by his favour then ? Bel. Not limited : but ( as it is as yet , But in its infancy ) a little checkt , Though it still growes , and may extend beyond All limitation to so faire an object As is your selfe : But still my own demerit Curbs my ambition more then love emboldens . Cros . He speakes within me now . Enter Saveall , Carelesse . Sa. Stay , let us retire . Here is the Lord Lovely . Car. Be he a Lord of Lords I 'le not retire a foot . Lo. What servants Mistris Crostill doe you keep . To let intruders in ? O Mr. Saveall ! Carless salutes Crostill , & puts by Bellamy . Sa. The humblest of your Lordships servants . Lo. What Gentlemen is that you bring with you ? Sa. It is the Newphew of the good Knight Sir Oliver Thrivewell , of which Sir Oliver , I have procured unto your Lordship the sum which you desired by your servant Mr. Bellamy . Lo. For that I thanke him and you , but I could wish you had not brought that Nephew hither now . Sa. Certes my Lord I am sorry . Lo. My reason is , I have enter'd Bellamy a suitor to the Widow . Sa. He also comes a suiter . Lo. And is in deepe discourse with her already , I 'le see faire play . Car. But you shall heare mee Widow , and that to the point and purpose . Lo. Lady at my request , doe this Gentleman ( who made the first approach ) the favour to be , heard , and answer'd first . Car. As his approach was first my Lord , shee has heard him first already , and my request is to be heard now , and then let her answer both him , or me , or neither , what care I ? Lo. Your Name is Carelesse I take it . Car. I came to talke with this Gentlewoman . Cros . Pray my Lord forbeare him , and let him speake , what do you say sir ? Car. I say I love you , doe resolve to marry you , and then to use you as I list . Cros . I say I love you , doe resolve to marry you , and then to use you as I list . — To Bell. — Bell. This to mee Lady ? I 'le take you at your word . Cros . Stay , I doe but tell you what he sayes . Car. Take her at her word againe sir , and I shall take you by the luggs . I say againe you shall have none but me . Cros . I say again , you shall have none but me , — To Bel. Car. What , doe you foole mee , or him , your selfe , or all ? Cros . Pray sir how old are you ? Car. Are you good at that , pray sir , how old are you ? — To Bel. Lo. You presse beyond your priviledge , which is only to speake to the Gentlewoman . Car. My Lord I am a Gentleman . Lo. You may tell her so . Sa. Let we beseech your Lordship . Take him aside . Car. How can you use a Gentleman that loves you Dearer then Life , and onely bends his study By all meanes to deserve you , one that ( can not ? ) Will not , while there are wayes to die , live out of Your favour , with so much despightfull scorne , That when he speakes his soul to you through his lips , You make his Language yours , and give 't a Boy ? Cros . What Gentleman 's that you speake of ? Car. The man that speakes it I am he . Cros . All this sir in effect , and more of my affection , can I speake to you . Car. Uns , but you shall not , you mistake the person to whom you are , or ought to direct your affection , you mistake strangely . Cros . No more then once a Lover , or at least , A bold pretender , having in civill language Exprest in writing his affection To a chast Mistris sea●'d , and directed it , And on the contrary , courted his vertuous friend in brothell language ; To a lewd strumpet . Have I hit you sir ? Car. What can I say now ! Slife if that anger you after the errour found , and confest , I 'le write worse to you , and in earnest . Cros . Mr. Bellamy some other time I shall be glad to see you . Car. Shee meanes that to mee now , but I 'le take no notice ; I 'le finde as good a Widow in a Taverne Chimney , O shee 's a dainty Widow ! Cros . Hee lookes with scorne at mee , I must not lose him , yet dare not stay , for feare I tell him so . I humbly crave your pardon good my Lord , For my ill manners , and abrupt departure ; The cause is urgent , and I beseech your mercy , Question it not . Lo. Let your will guide you . Cros . Mr. Saveall I thanke you for my Suitor . Car. Nay but Lady . Cros . Yes you shall controwle mee in my owne House . Exit . Car. Yes , yes , I meane so too , but you shall wooe mee hard first . Lo. 'T is a mad Widow , which of these two now think you has the Better on 't ? Sa. I thinke he shall in the end have the best my Lord , that can slight her most . Lo. 'T is my opinion too , and heare mee — Aside . Car. Sir , I have seene you but twice , and it has beene at places where I cannot allow of your resorts , first at my Aunts , and now here at my Widowes . Bel. Your Widow sir ! I thought shee had beene the Widow of one deceas'd . Car. Thou art a witty , pretty Child . But doe you here use your wit , out of the smell-reach of your Lords perfum'd Gloves , and I shall take you by the Nose . Bel. Forbeare sir , I have a Handkercher . Car. And let me finde you there no more , nor here I charge you . Bel. I heare your charge sir , but you must leave it to my discretion to obey it , or not . Car. Trust to your discretion ! Lo. And so commend mee to my Lady Thrivewel Come Bellamy away , what 's your discourse ? Bel. All faire and friendly my Lord. Car. Very good . Lo. So should it be with Rivalls , fare you well Mr. Carelesse . Car. Your Lordships — with a whew . Sav. Will you walke homewards ? Car. Excuse me sir I pray . Sav. It will not be convenient to returne this day unto the Widow . Car. Feare it not sir , I like her not so well now . Sa. Doe your pleasure . Exit . Car. Ha' you crosse tricks Mistris Crostill ? well I will goe drinke your Crotchets out of my Pate , then home , and doe that which mine Aunt and I must only know . This is her Night of Grace , if shee keepe touch with me . Exeunt Omnes . ACT IV. SCENE II. Enter Lady , Phebe , Closet . La. IN truth your story is pittifull , but your own folly has brought your scourge upon you . Phe. 'T was through the blindnesse of my love , and my credulity Madam , wrought by his strong Temptations . La. Well , for this once I 'le straine a point of honour for you , chiefly indeed in answer of his rude unnaturall presumption in attempting mee . That a Villaine can still be so barbarously lustfull ! If in this way I fit him not , and cause him to desist his beastly purpose , I will discover all to his undoing . Closet you know my minde , and fu●l directions for the conveyance of our designe . Clo. Yes Madam , doubt not . Though I have but a naughty head at most , other matters , I dare not trust it for a sure one at such conveyances . La. I presume to further the matter , hee 'l come home Drunke by his not comming to Supper . Clo. Then he may forget what he so much expected , or sleepe away his expectation . Phe. No , hee will then be the more vehement till his desire be over . La. You know his humour best it seemes , away , away , my husband comes . Exit ●lo . Phe. Enter Thrivewell and Wat. Thr. Well Wat , for this discovery I 'le make thy reward worth ten such masters services . Thr. Sweet heart I have a suit to you — But first what Woman 's that with Nurse ? La. A Kinswoman of hers whom shee would preferre to mee , but I have answer'd her , I will not charge your purse with more attendants ; onely I have given her leave to entertaine , and lodge her this night . Thr. That 's my good Girle . La. Now what 's your suite sir , ( as you are pleas'd to call it ) which I would have to be your free command ? Thr. 'T is for my absence from thee , to accompany Mr. Saveall , to bring a deare friend on his way to Gravesend to night , who is sodainly to depart the Land. La. These sodaine departures of friends out of the Land , are so frequent , and that I may believe you intend really , and no fained excuse ; now will I thinke as long as you have good and substantiall Made-worke at home , that you will seeke abroad for any more slight sale-ware . Thr. No more o'th at Sweet heart , farewell , expect me early in the morning . Exit . La. I am glad of his absence to night , lest there should happen some cumbustion in the house by his un●uly Nephew , in case hee should discover my deceipt in beguiling him with his own wench instead of me , I do even tremble to thinke upon the unnaturall Villaine , that would offer so to wrong his Unkle . I thought I had school'd him sufficiently , and beaten him off at his first attempt , and hee to assaile me againe with more forcible temptations urging me to a promise . Enter Closet . Clo. The young Gentleman is come in Madam , and as you foresaw very high flowne , but not so drunke as to forget your promise ! Hee 's going to bed in expectation of your approach . La. And have you put his Damsell into her night-attire ? Clo. Most Lady-like I assure you Madam . La. And let her be sure to steale from him before Day . Clo. Yes , with all silence Madam , she has promised . Ex. La. May Ladies that shall heare this story told , Judge mildly of my act since hee 's so bold . ACT IV. SCENE III. Saleware , Bellamy . Sa. NAy but looke you Mr. Bellamy , it is not I protest that I am jealous , I make this inquiry for my wife . I jealous ? I an Asinego then , I am as confident of my wife , as that she is in this house , how ere you deny her to me . Bel. Why Lady , you are not jealous now ? If you were not , you would believe me she is not here . Sa. Without equivocation , Mr. Bellamy , shee is not here — indeed , under your foot , but shee 's here in the house , and under some body for ought any body knows , but my selfe , that doe confide in her as I say , and will know no such matter ; And so my Lords will be done with her , I hope I shall see h●r well to morrow , and at her own house . Bel. Can such language proceed out of any but a jealous mouth ? Sa. What an Assinego 's this ! I say againe , I doe confide in her , nor will I be dasht , or basht at what any man sayes of , or against her ; And therefore me thinks t is very strange that you should deny her to me , that comes not to molest her . Bel. There you are againe . But since no denyall will serve your turne , indeed shee is here in this house , and in bed by this time . Sa. Away , away , you mock ifaith , you are a wag shee 's no more here then I am , if sh●e were here can I thinke you would tell ? Bel. How came you to thinke , or dreame shee was in this house at all ? Sa. I neither thought it , or dreamt it . I but sir , a waterman brought me a Letter in hast from one Mr. Anonimus , intimating that my Ally was with a private friend at this house , and to lie here all night ( a very likely matter ) what private friend has shee but my Lord , and that in a right honorable way , I confide in 'em both for that ; but at this house is such a thing my Lord having divers Lodgings , and shee a house of her own at his dispose and command , that is such a thing to be thought or dreamt on ! Bel. Why came you to inquire then of such a thing ? Sa. Why sir , this Anonimus writ that I should come hastily hither , and aske to speake with you Mr. Bellamy , and I should know further ; hither I came , here I finde you ▪ you deny shee is here , and what doe I inquire any further ? Bel. You heare mee say agen shee is here . Sa. Goe you are a wag agen , shee here ? is my Lord here ? or any private friend ? alas , alas you are too young Mr. Bellamy , and may as well perswade mee I am jealous . Bel. Well sir , to put you out of all jealousie and doubt ( if you be in any ) I was the Anonimus that sent you the Letter to draw you hither and declare my selfe your friend , which shall instantly be manifest to you , if now you have a minde to lie with your own wife before any other man. Sa. Then shee is here indeed belike . Bel. Pray come with me into the next Chamber . Sa. This is some waggery plotted by my wife , I smell it . Exit . The Bed put forth , Alicia in it . Enter Bellamy , Saleware , with Light. Bel. But you must be sure to say when shee discovers you , that you came of your owne accord , unsent for , as inspir'd or possest by some Dreame or Vision , to finde her here . Sa. Well , if this be not my wifes waggery in a maine proof of her chastity , I am not here . I will doe so sir . Bel. So then , obscure your selfe a while , while I approach her . Al. Who 's there ? Bel. 'T is I , your servant Lady . Al. Sweet Bellamy why come you not to Bed ? Sa. Good. Al. Dos the love that was so hot , and the desire that was so fervent , begin to coole in you ? Sa. Good agen , as if hee an Assinego had ever made love to her fine waggery ! Al. Has my meere consent to satisfie you , cloy'd you ? Sa. Consent to my Lords man , a likely matter ! Al. Or did you court me to a promise onely to try my fidelity to your Lord , and then betray me ? Bel. Deare Lady thinke not so , but that I am struck into stone with wonder , and amazement at the most unexpected accident that ever crost a Lover . Sa. Dainty waggery this , what little mad Rogues are these to plot this to make me jealous ? Al. Pray , are you serious ? what is the accident ? Bel. I will not be so crost , but kill him rather . To injoy such a Mistris , who would not kill a horn'd beast ? yet blood is such a horror — Sa. Very pretty . Al. Will you not tell mee ? Bel. Speak lower gentle Lady . Al. Why prithee , who can heare us ? Bel. I know not by what Magick your jealous husband has made discovery of our being here , he wrought sure with the Devill ! Al. I am undone then . He will tell my Lord. Sa. I shall undoe my selfe then Friend . No , Sapientia mea mihi . Be not dasht nor basht for that good Friend , if there were any such matter : but this is waggery , fine waggery plotted betwixt you ▪ to tempt my jealousie , but never the sooner for a hasty word I warrant you . Mr. Bellamy that my Wife is here I thank you ; But how I came to know it you shall never know from me ; you sent not for mee , I am sure you were not the Anonimus . Indeed it should have been Anonima Friend-wife : for it was thy act I dare sweare ; However you doe not heare mee say I was sent , or writ for at all , more then by a Dreame or Vision : But here I am and meane to remaine to night ; I hope the house can afford you another Bed in 't Mr. Bellamy , and you to leave mee to my owne Friend-wife , I like the lodging most curiously sweete Friend , and I prethee , le ts try heartily what luck we may have in a strange place , I would so faine have a little one like thee . Bel. I 'le leave you to your wishes , a good night to you . Al. Pray sir a word first , husband be farther . Sa. Faces about Tom Saleware , and march forwards . Al. You told mee sir , of a hundred pound that your sweete Lady Thrivewell sent me . Bel. 'T is true I have it for you . Al. But shee has since countermanded you to keepe it , has shee , and to mock my expectation of that , and you ▪ why have you foold me thus ? Bel. I rather should suspect your craft in this prevention : but love forbids me , and I must conclude , 't is witchcraft in your husband . Al. Come let 's kisse friends , and ( sweet ) to morrow night I will prevent his Witchcraft , in the full enjoyment of our free pleasures : be you true to me . Bel. May all that 's Man in me forsake me else . Al. Another kisse and then good night . Sa. Are you ●still whispering ? no matter , let 'em whiswer . Bel. Good night . Exit . Al. Now may the spirits of all injur'd women , be added to mine owne , for my revenge , which I this night will dreame of slighted and mock'd , hee and his like shall know , That when a yeilding woman is so crost , All thoughts but of revenge with her are lost . Sa. O hee 's gone — Ally , Friend I would say , And now I prithee tell mee how , or why thou cam'st hither . Al. Will you pardon me ? Sa. Yes faith , I were no friend else . Al. 'T was but to try if I could make thee jealous . Sa. In waggery ! did not I say so ! when doe my prophecies faile ? Al. But what brought you hither thinke you ? Sa. A Letter from one Anonimus , but I 'le eate Spiders , and breake if you sent it not . Al. Give me the Letter . Sal. Where is it ? facks I ha' lost it . Al. 'T was I indeed that sent it . Sa. Did not I say so too ? and that it should ha' been Anonima , Sapientia mea mihi , when doe my prophecies faile ? I 'le to bed instantly while the prophetick spirit is in mee , and get a small Prophet or a Southsayer . Al. No , I 'le have no bed-fellow to night . Sa. Nere the lesse for a hasty word , I hope Friend . Al. I am at a word for that . Sa. I 'le lie upon thy feet then . Al. Well , you may draw the Curtaines , and sleepe by me . Sa. Sapientia mea mihi , stultitia tua tibi . Puts in the bed , Exit . ACT IV. SCENE IV. Phebe passes over the stage in night attire , Carelesse followes her as in the darke . Car. MAdam , Madam , sweet Madam , 't will not be day these three houres , stay but three minuits longer , but a touch more , she 's whipt into her Chamber . Could I but finde the Dore — I know my Unkle's from home — O shee returnes with light : that 's well . Enter Lady , a light . La. What aile you ! Are you mad ? Car. Would not any man be mad for losing such a Bed-fellow ? sweet Madam , let us retire without any noise . La. What an insatiate beast are you ? would you undoe for ever both me and your selfe ? Car. Not with one doe more I warrant you , come away Madam , Madam , somebody knocks mainly at the gate ; and I believe it is my Master return'd before his time ! Enter Closet . La. I cannot thinke 't is he . Car. 'T is the Rogue my man I warrant drunke , and has forgot I turnd him away , but he shall spoyl no sport . Come away Madam . La. Closet , goe your wayes downe , and hearke before you — Clo. — I will Madam — Exit . Car. So now come Madam , I commend you in the charge you have given your watch-woman . La. What charge doe you guesse ? Car. Why to tell my Unkle ( if he be come ) that hee must not come neare you , that you have had no rest to Night till just now you are fallen asleepe , and so forth . La. Goe you are a wicked fellow ; I am sorry for any the least favour I have done thee , and doe thou dare to attempt me once more , I 'le ha' thee turnd headlong out of my dores . Car. I have got her with child to night , with a sparke of mine owne spirit , and longs already to doe me mischiefe . The boy will be like mee , therefore 't is pity to knock 't o' the head : But come Madam tother crash and good night , must I drag you to 't ? La. Touch mee but with a finger , and I 'le raise the House . Car. You dare not sure , and now take heed you vex me not , have you not been my whore ? La. You dare not say so , for spoyling your fortune . Car. Faith but I dare , and if you will not obey me in a course of further pleasure to night , fetch me a hundred peeces to take a course abroad withall , doe yee looke ? I 'le make you fetch me hundred after hundred Huswife , when I want it , or shall be pleas'd to call for 't . All comes out else , the gates of your fame flies open Lady , I will proclaime our Act. La. Dare you forfit your own Reputation so ? Car. I shall gaine Reputation by 't in the company I keepe abroad , and if the Cuckold my Unkle come to the knowledge of it at home , I shall possesse him that you lustfully tempted me to it . La. Canst thou be so villanously impudent todestroy thine own fortune to ruine me ? Car. You may conceale all then , and so will I , and mend my fortune by yours , I will live bravely upon your fortune , and the heire which I have got to Night shall inherit it , my Unkles estate . And therefore indeed I would have all conceald ; for my childs good , or rather for mine owne : for it shall goe hard if I put him not into a course in his minority to consume the estate upon me before he come to age . La. I am undone . Car. And O that ever I did it ! La. Thou Villaine , hast undone me . Car. Come I 'le doe you agen , and then all 's whole agen ; Y' are both undone , O you prodigious monsters That have betwixt you made me monster too ! What 's to be done , but that I kill you both , Then fall upon my sword . Enter Thrivewell Saveall . Sav. Sir , you resume the temper of humanity , And let the Law distinguish you from them , You neither are to be their Executioner , Nor to fall with them . Thr. Life to me is torment . Car. O the Devill , what a case am I in now ! La. Pray heare me sir ? Thr. Can more be said to aggravate thy shame , Or my affliction , then I have heard already ? Sa. Let me intreat you heare her . La. What shame did you , or what affliction I Suffer , when you discoverd unto me Your bargaine of a hundred pound in Saleware , You understand me . How was life a torment To me then think you ? Thr. Did you not vow forgements then ? and thus , You freely would forgive my act ? and thus Now to revenge it on me to my ruine , And your own endlesse infamy ? O 't is horrid . La. 'T is no revenge at all , onely a shew To startle you , or try your manly temper , And so neare to be even with yee as to let you know , what some wife might perhaps ha' done being so mov'd , It was my plot indeed to straine you hither to this false fire discovery , for which I 'le give you reasons . Thr. O grosse dissimulation . La. Mr. Saveall , you have done many faire offices for his Nephew , doe this for me , intreat him to a Conference a few minutes in my Chamber ; if I cleare not my selfe in his and your opinion , and that by witnesses , let me be found the shame of all my Sex. Sa. Sir , my councells have been prevalent with your judgement , let me perswade you . Thr. But I will have that friend thrust out of dore first . La. I would not that you should , nor give a looke , or word to him till you have heard me ; Then exercise your Justice . Sav. Sir be induc'd to it . Thr. You have prevayl'd . La. Goe to your Bed agen George , and sleepe , be not affraid of Bug-beares . Exit . Car. How 's this ? Shee 's come about agen , and has patch'd all up already . I hope shee 'l worke mine Unkle to reward mee for my Night-worke , and bring him in time to hold my sti●rop while his George mounts her ; Shee 's a delicate well-going beast ! I know but one to match her in a course , just the same pace and speede as if I had onely had the breaking , and managing of her my selfe , but the marke goes out of Phebes mouth now ; and I 'le play my Aunt against all the Town . But how shee thought to fright mee with villaine and impudent . And now goe to bed George , ha , ha , ha , I find her drift . No wit like womens at a sodaine shift . ACT V. SCENE I. Enter Old Bellamy , Lovely . Lov. BEllamy thou art welcome , and for thy Nephew I must ever thanke thee , he is my best companion . Old Bel. O my good Lord without boast be it spoken , I have ever beene right and straight to your honour , and never did you an ill office in Man , Woman , or Child , what I have said of 'em they have proved at first , or I have wrought 'em to at last . But what doe I speake on 't , I have ever beene for your Lordship , all things I have sworne for you , I have fought for you , I have brok'd for you ; I have pimpt for you , but what doe I speake on 't ? Lo. You need not Bellamy : for I know all . Ol. B. Oh the Gentlemens Wives , and Farmers Daughters that I have presented to you in your Summer Progresses , and winter Journeys about the Countries . But what doe I speake on 't — Lo. Because thou lov'st to champ upon the bit to please thy old coltish tooth still , thou lov'st the memory of the former sweets which now thou canst not relish . Ol. B. And here i' the City , I have pledg'd more of your severall Mistresses , then in my conscience there be honest Women in 't . But what doe I speake on 't ? Lo. I never had so many man. Ol. B. Or if you had , what doe I speake on 't ? and in my conscience agen , I have drunke more to your Lordships health in my dayes , then any Wine-cellar in the City at this day , containes of Spanish French , and Rhenish ; but what doe I speake of that either ? Lo. True Bellamy , fall then upon ●ome other subject . Ol. B. Yes , my good Lord , and I pray your Lordship tell mee , dos not my Nephew drinke and wench pretty handsomely ? I would faine have him take after me , and not his drunken father . Lo. How well hee shifts his subject , wicked old fellow ! Ol. B. Dos he not begin to fall to yet ? Lo. Not he . Ol. B. Not a bit nor a soope ? dos hee doe nothing by example ? or has your Lordship left it ? or dos he carry it like a Gentleman ? Lo. Discreetly and Virgin-like . Ol. B. Pretty commendation for a young Courtier . Lo. I would for my deserved love to him have put him upon a faire young Widow of a great fortune , but could not make him looke upon her like a suitor . Ol. B. Just such a bashfull puppy was my brother , his Father ; I wonder how my Mother came by him ; My Father was right , and she was right , and I have beene right , but what doe I speake on 't ? Lo. True Bellamy , speake of somewhat else . Ol. B. The Boy will nere grow up to me , I thought to have left him somewhat , I must discard him . Lo. If you do , he is in me provided for . Ol. B. What can your Lordship love him for ? Lo. Come I 'le tell thee , and be comforted . Hee has something of thee in him . Hee will pimpe most conveniently . Ol. B. That 's something indeed . Lo. And for his modesty which is a rare benefit of nature in him , I dare trust him with a Mistrisse , as I would an Eunuch . Ol. B. Benefit ! A defect I feare , yet I may hope in time some Mistris of your Lordships may tempt , and bring him forwards . Lo. No I am confident — Now your news . Enter Page , whisper . Good Bellamy walke in the Gallery a while . Ol. B. Some Mistris is comming to him , but what doe I speake on 't ? Exit . Goe bid her come in . Exit . Page . What brings her so unseasonably ? Enter Alicia , Saleware . Al. Stay you at distance yet a while Friend , till I call you . Sal. Faces about Tom Saleware . Exit . Lo. How now ! How is it with my love ? Ha! How comes a trouble on this Face , where my delights are ever wont to Revell ? Al. O my Lord — Lo. Say who has injur'd thee ? Has thy husband taken up the uncivill boldnesse to abuse thee ? or be it any other man , it shall be death , or an undoing to him . Al. My Lord , I am wrong'd , but would be loth to ingage your noble person in my quarrell , some servant of yours may do it . Lo. Of what condition is thy wrong ? tell mee ; and who of my Servants thou wouldst have to right thee ? Al. I would have Bellamy , how thinke you ? is hee faithfull to you ? Lo. How canst thou question it ? Has hee not ever been so ? Al. Your Lordship has well trusted him I know . Lo. I doe not know the man , I trust , or love so well . Al : But would your Lordship part with any Jewell , or choyce thing you love , and have intended onely for your own particular use , to him , or let him be your own partner in it ? Lo. Troth I thinke I should ; onely thy selfe excepted , but what 's thy wrong I prithee , or wherein should Bellamy right thee ? Al. Bellamy has wrong'd mee to thinke me so unworthy as to be tempted to his lust ; Bellamy has wrong'd your honour in that ambitious attempt . Lo. Thou amazest me . Al. And Bellamy must right me , and your honour ; or you must cast off him or me . Lo. Give mee at least some circumstance to make this probable . Al. Must not ▪ I be believ'd ? you shall have instance then to make it truth , Friend Thomas . Pray verifie unto my Lord the discovery you made last night of me , and Mr. Bellamy . Enter Saleware . Sal. 'T was thus my Lord an 't like your Lordship , my wife was forth at evening an t like your Lordship , as shee may have often beene an t like your Lordship , and may be as oft agen an t like your Lordship . Lo. Well pray thee on . Sal. Forth shee was ant like your Lordship , I staid supper , and almost bed time for her ant like your Lordship ; And had even given her over for all night an t like your Lordship , as I may of any night an t like your Lordship . Lo. O● I pray thee . Sal. Yes an t like your Lordship upon some private notice given to me an 't like your Lordship , that she was at a private lodging an t like your Lordship , with a private friend an t like your Lordship , over I went , and found her abed an t like your Lordship , and Mr. Bellamy even ready to go to bed to her ant like your Lordship . Lo. Is this true ? Sa. As true as your Lordship lives ant like your Lordship . Lo. How could you be betrayd so ? Al. The Villaine fetch'd mee forth , and lodg'd mee there as by your appointment , and for your own pleasure ; but when 't was late , and that your Lordship came not , thinking hee had an advantageous opportunity , hee soone discovers his love to me , and his treachery to your Lordship ; I being in a strait onely ( finding happy meanes to send for my husband to prevent him ) made him a false promise being secure in my husband ; and what had follow'd your Lordship understands . Lo. I 'le nere trust man can blush and weepe agen . Sa. Insooth an t like your Lordship I thought all had been but waggery an t like your Lordship , to tempt mee unto jealousy , and my wife knowing well enough that I was by , bade Sweet Bellamy come to Bed , O Wag ! Lo. What messenger brought you the notice Mr. Saleware ? Sa. A waterman my Lord , and like your Lordship , here 's the letter , and like your Lordship . Al. You told me you had lost it , when I ask'd ●ort to burne it . Sa. I thought I had Friend , but I found it now , and given it my Lord before I was aware Friend . Al. Hell take that Letter . Sa. Now abotts on 't for mee , if thou beest angry Friend . Al. You had better ha swallow'd it full of Ratsbane . Sa. Nere the sooner for a hasty word I hope Friend . Reades . Lo. Mr. Saleware , if you will avoyd a new addition of hornes , come with this bearer over into Montagues close , where you shall finde your Wife with a private Friend , at a private lodging ; Hast thither , and aske for one Bellamy . Anonimus . What Ridles this ? This is Bellamies owne hand , I know it , why should hee send to prevent himselfe ? or how could shee write his Character ? This Woman is not right . Al. Doe you note my art my Lord , to write as in a Mans Name , when I wrought it my self ? Sa. And did not I tell you Friend , it should ha' been Anonima ? Sapientia mea mihi . Lo. Within there call Bellamy . Enter Page . Pa. Hee 's not within my Lord , and has not beene to night . Al. His absence is another circumstance to a probability my Lord. But hee was seene this morning to goe in at Sir Anthony Thrivewels . Lo. Goe let my Coach be ready presently . Exit . Pa. He should receive 500 l. there for me , I trust he will not ●urnish himselfe with it for a flight . Al. My Lord I gave you an inkling of a familiarity betwixt him and the Lady Thrivewell , he has since declar'd their act of lust to me , and urg'd it for an instance to my yeilding . Lo. Can you affirme this ? Al. Yes , to his face and hers . Enter Saveall . Lo. O Mr. Saveall ! welcome . Sa. My Lord your servant Bellamy is receaving your money at Sir Anthony Thrivewells . Lo. I thanke you . Sav. But my Lord , there is fallen an unhappy accident betweene Sir Anthony , his Lady and his Nephew , in which your servant Bellamy also is concern'd ; And your Lordship is much , and most humbly besought by the Lady to heare , and examine the difference . Enter Old Bellamy . Lo. I was preparing thither . Oh Mr. Bellamy , you have not eavesdropt , have you ? Old Bel. Will you pardon me my Lord ? Lo. Yes if thou hast . Old Bel. I have my Lord , and am overjoyd to heare so well of my Nephew . Lo. You may heare more anon , come all along with me . Ex. Omnes . Old Bel. I may heare more anon , your Lordship tho' knowes not of what so well as I doe know . Exit . ACT V. SCENE II. Enter Thrivewell , Carelesse , Lady , Pheb● , Closet , Wat. Thr. I Need not cast thee off , or bid thee goe Now , and for ever from me , thine own shame Will force thee hence . Car. You are deceiv'd in that . Thr. What is thine own take with thee , here 't is all Phebe . Thou ever getst , or canst expect from me . Car. Shee was mine own before your wife became our coupler , in English plaine our Bawd. Thr. Use no uncivill Language while you are well . Car. For which you have your witnesses , this false Traytor , that brought you on . La. By my direction George . Wat. No Traytor neither fince you left to be my Master , wounded and turnd me off . Car. And this darke Lanthorne here , this old deceptio visus , That juggled the wrong party into my Bed. Clo. Ha , ha , ha . Car. Doe you grin Grim Malkin ? But sweete Madam , if your fine Springall Bellamy had lien there in my stead she would ha● brought the right party ; your Ladiships Lilly white selfe . Thr. How 's that ? La. No more o' that good George . Car. Nay , it shall out , since you have wrought my ruine , I will be the destruction of you all ; And therefore now heare mee O Knight , and first resolve to make me rich in my reward , for wonders I 'le unfold . Thr. Canst thou expect reward from mee for any thing that can by thee be utterd ? Car. Reward ? why not ? why should not you reward my good Offices as well as punish my ill ? I must and will rely upon you for all the good that can befall mee ; or if I must expect no further from you , I 'le give 't you gratis , And if you be any thing but a Wittall heare mee . La. What doe you meane ? Car. To set you out livelyer , then all your paintings : or d ee heare , will you give mee a hundred pound a quarter for my silence ? La. Not a penny ; if you seeke my undoing , heaven forgive you . Thr. What ( Villaine ) canst thou speake to her prejudice ? Car. That which ( if you are no Wittall ) you 'l be leath to hear , but you shall have it . Thr. Darst thou talke so ? Car. And since you hold my attempt at her , so haynous , you may be pleas'd to know I was incited to 't by example of him I nam'd , that smooth Fac'd Bellamy . Thr. Darst thou accuse her with him ? Car. You may aske her bolster there , her Madam Nurse old Mother Cock broth . Clo. O me . Car. I , O you aske her sir , what shee did with him , or he with her , in their two houres privacy in her chamber , when hee came to take up five hundred pound for his Lord , There was a sweet taking up , sir shee confessed all to me , and on purpose , I dare be sworn to embolden mee in my attempt to her Ladyship . Clo. I confesse ? Thr. What did shee confesse ? Car. That hee made use of your Bed with your wife , what language shall I utter 't in ? you were best fee it done before you believe it . Thr. O me most miserable if this be true ! Car. Well , there 's for them two . La. Goe Closet till I call you . Exit Clo. Car. Now for that Rogue ( because I must expect no further good of you , but this which is mine owne you say ) I 'le lay him open to you , you remember how once I ingratiated my selfe to you by rescuing you from a Robbery and Murder ( as you suppos'd ) for which you took me into favour — Thr. Yes , and have wish'd a thousand times since , that I had lost the thousand pound I had about me then , and tane some wounds for 't in exchange rather then by that rescue to have taken thy Viperous selfe into my bosome . Car. This Rogue plotted that businesse , 't was a mere trick of his invention . The supposed Theeves were his companions , and wrought by him only to scare you and run away when wee came to your succour , onely to indeare mee to you . There was no hurt meant , but the slap I gave him over the Pate to colour the businesse , with little blood , I wish now I had cleft his braines . Thr. Your wish tho' against your will is a good reward to him , for I love him the better for his wit in that plot , and care of his then Master . Car. Doe you so sir ? Then 't was mine own invention , let him deny 't if he can . Wat. Indeed the plot was his sir , I onely found the Actors . Thr. I cannot condemne the conceipt however ; and am something taken with the wit on 't , would all the rest were no worse . Car. And now I have utterd my whole mind sir , and you declard I must expect no further good of you , come away Phib , I have injur'd thee long , I 'le make the● now amends for all ; I 'le marry thee , and sell Tobacco with thee . La. Let him not go sir , I beseech you in this desperate way , nor till I answer to his accusation . Thr. Sir you shall stay , and make your selfe good before authority , or cleare my wife . Car. You 'l have your house then known to have beene a bawdy-house ? Thr. The Courts of Princes and Religious Houses May so have been abus'd . Car. Under such Governesses . Thr. You 'l anon be silent , what 's the matter ? wee are busy . Enter Closet . Ser. Mistris Crostill , Madam is come in great hast to visit you , and a Kinseman of your Ladiships with her . Thr. At such a time ? excuse your selfe . Ser. They are here sir , enterd against all resistance . Enter Crostill , Fitzgerrard . La. Mistris Crostill ! you have much honord me — Cozen Fitzgerrard ! welcome . Fit. I have a private sute to you Madam . La. Pray Mr. Thrivewell entertaine the Lady . Car. Another sprunt youth . Cros . Sir , I perceave some discontent here , I hope your ▪ Nephew has not againe displeas'd you ? Thr. He is a villaine , seekes my utter ruine , Cros . Pray say not so , for feare you force mee love him . Thr. You are undone for ever if you doe . Cros . Doe not say so , for feare I fly to him , The thought of him already breakes my sleeps , I could not rest to night for thinking of him , Which made my early hast to unload my minde , Presuming that your judgement may excuse A simple Womans weaknesse , what is shee That hee courts so ? Thr. I tell you , shee 's a Whore with Child by him , layes claime to him , and I think hee 'l marry her . Cros . Still you speake better of him , and my love must not see him so lost , sir let me speake with you . Car. Me Lady ? I am busy ; I am busy . Cros . What mettall am I of ? his scorne 's a Load-stone ; No Courtship like his carelesnesse to mee ; And all dispraise speakes for him , Sir I will speake with you . Car. I blush for you , what would you say now , were it not too late ? Cros . Nay onely to your eare . Car. Stand off a while Phib . Goes aside . Fit. His Lordship Madam shall give mee accompt To each particular . La. You shall doe well to put it to him Cosen — Husband , I overheard you , and commend you , That tho' you cast your Nephew from all hopes Of good from you , you will not yet destroy His fortunes other wayes . Thr. How doe you meane ? La. For that I finde by your reviling him You more inflame that crosse phantastick Widow With eager love to cast her selfe upon him . Thr. Had I thought so , I had spoke well of him Against my conscience . La. No , let me intreat you . Be that way charitable , and speake worse ; The worse the better . Car. Tempt me not good Lad● , To your own prejudice , your destruction ; I am one you cannot live and lie withall A fortnight you , alas y' are but a grissell , Weake picking meat ; Here 's one will hold me tack , Seaven constant ordinaries every night , Noonings , and intermealiary Lunchings , At freedome every day , hold belly hold , The Cupboord never shut . Cros . I understand you not . Car. Nor mind me Lady ; T will be better for you . You had a thin chin'd husband , plaid at Doublets with ye , And that perhaps , but twise or thrice a weeke , You are incapable of better Game , Here 's one shall hold me Tick tack night by night , And neither of us guilty of a Why-not , Shee 's bred up to my hand , and knowes her play . Cros . Can you so slight me ? Car. Slight ? I honour you . In caring for you to preserve your life , And your estate , which I confesse my selfe Unworthy of : besides I am ingag'd To doe a poore soule right for my issues sake Shee goes withall . Cros . But say on composition shee acquit you . Car. O but conscience is conscience . Cros . I 'le die or have him presently . Can you refuse me for a prostitute whore ? Car. Take heed what you say , I 'le shake your estate , If you dare call her whore 'fore witnesses . Cros . Call all the World to hear me Madam , Sir Anthony , and the rest , be all my witnesses ; Give me your hand sir , here before you all I plight my faith upon this Gentleman , He is my Husband , and I am his Wife . Thr. You are then undone . Cros . I care not sir , for your ill will : no more shall hee . Car. Are you catch'd Widow ? Future , for Unkles now ? Cros . Why answer you not me , in troth plight ? Car. I doe , but yet I tell you againe conscience is conscience ; The Woman 's not compounded with . Cros . I 'le give her a brace of hundred pounds . Phe. The Woman will not take it . Wat. The Woman shall take it , for now know sir , I love you not so ill as to undoe you . This Woman has beene mine as much as yours , shee has done as much with mee for Offices , and Service I have done for her , as shee has done with you for Love and Money , let her deny 't . Car. I have lately suspected so . Wat. And if her Friends will make her brace of hundreds a leash I 'le marry , and honestifie her . La. Honest Wat in good earnest ● Gentlewoman with your hand give him your consent , and I 'le supply you with the od hundred pound , for Wats love to his Master . Thr. Will you ? La. Yes , and with your allowance ; it shall be in lieu of the hundred I tooke in Commodity of her Kinswoman Mistris Saleware , which would never thrive with mee ( as it may properly with them ) as 't was the price of lust you know it was , and how untowardly things have chanc'd amongst us since it was so ; And now that I have declin'd it , you shall se● how sweetly all will be reconcil'd . Thr. Doe as you please . La. Goe get you to the Priest presently , and bring him hither for thy Master , Wat. Exit Wat. Phe. Enter Lord Lovely , Old Bellamy , Saveall , Saleware , Alicia . Lov. Madam you sent for mee , though I had former cause to require a conference with you . La. My cause my Lord , is almost ended among our selves . Pray let your former therefore be determin'd first , your Lordship may be pleas'd to sit . Lo. I desire first by good Sir Anthony's patience , Madam a word with you in absence of all the rest , except this Gentlewoman . Thr. With all respect my Lord. La. No you shall stay , and all the rest , speake openly my Lord , I doe beseech you . Lo. My modesty forbids . La. I 'le speake it for you then ; Good my Lord sit judge ▪ This Woman comes to accuse me of incontinency with your servant Bellamy , is it not so ? Old Bel. I marry dos shee Madam to make her word good to my Lord that he would have lien with her too ; And sayes that Bellamy affirm'd to her that he did , I mary did he with your Ladiship . La. Ha , ha , ha , I have a Nephew here affirm'd as much . Enter Wat whispers . Car. I am sorry I said so much , 't was but my suspition in the dayes of my wickednesse , I am honest now , and can thinke no such matter — O is the parson come — Exit Ca. Cros . Wat. Thr. I feare I shall be wretched . Sav. You are wretched in your feare , note your Wifes confidence ; Can Guilt looke with that Face ? Lov. I understand that Bellamy is in your house . La. Forth comming my good Lord. Good Master Bellamy , fetch your Nephew , you 'l finde him in my Chamber . Exit . Fitz. And in this respect you shall give me leave My Lord to call your honour into question . Lov. Y' are very ●ound with mee Mr. Fitzgerrard , What is your question ? Fitz. Where is my Sister Amie ? Lov. Aske you mee ? Fitz. Yes , and in honour y' are to answer me , It is too evident , your courtship wonne Her Virgin honour . Lov. Then I forc'd her not . Fitz. The blame of that lay therefore on her selfe , That losse I seeke not after : but I aske Her life and being ( if shee live or be ) Of you my Lord , since it is manifest , Shee left her friends , and Country shortly after Her folly had betrayd her into shame , To be at your dispose , as wee presume She is since in her two yeares absence ; we Have sought all other wayes in vaine ; you shall Do therefore well my Lord to render her , Or give me leave to urge you ●'an accompt Of what 's become of her . Lov. You cannot sure Compell mee sir . Fitz. To hazard of my life I will my Lord. Lov. That shee is lost I am grieved ; But for your stout demand I 'le answer you at Weapons , time and place convenient . Enter Old Bellamy , and Bellamy in a Woman● habit , Closet . Old Bel. I 'le end your difference Cosen Fitzgerrard , here is your Sister Amie my Lord , here is your servant Bellamy , whom I preferr'd to you as my Nephew , to be a Go-betwixt you and Mistresses , which quality I now abhorre , as I could wish your Lordship would leave — Wenching for this inconstant Womans sake that would be prostitute unto your servant . 'T was a flat bargaine , and but a flat one , but for the non-performance her husband may thanke their party of Sex , not his wifes want of desire . Sal. Nere the sooner for a hasty word I hope . Old Bel. What further end shee had to serve your Lordship she may relate her selfe . Bel. Lost to my selfe , and friends being made unfit In any other Region to appeare , And more unable to live other where ; Then in the presence of my loved Lord ( Although not as my selfe ) I did assume That Masculine boldnesse ▪ so to let you know My Lord , that I more fully could subsist By the meere sight of you , and so containe My selfe , then she your more respected Mistris Could in the rich and plentifull enjoyments Of your most reall , and essentiall favours . Lov. Sweet let us speake aside . Sal. What ayles my Friend ? is not all this now but a plot to make me jealous ? Al. I am discover'd and undone . chafes . Sal. Nere the sooner for a hasty word I hope Friend . Come leave your waggery , is not all this but a plot now to make me jealous ? La. Your Plot good Mistris Saleware would not hold . Sal. Nor shall it hold good Madam , I cannot be jealous , Sapientia mea mihi . La. Yet the young Gentleman ( such as you see he is ) has lien with mee of old , before I was married ; doe not looke so dismaydly , I will not detect you with my husband for a hundred pound — Sal. Nor will I be jealous for a thousand Madam , your plot 's too weake Facks , but where 's my injur'd Kinswoman , Madam ? La. O Phebe Gin crack ! shee is by this time righted , that is Married . Sa. Sapientia mea mihi , agen then for that , that was my plot , and it held Madam . Lov. My deare , deare Amie , and my Bellamy , I doe commend your vow of future chastity , Vowing the same my selfe , and here before Your Brother , and these friends to help your marriage I freely give you two hundred pounds a yeare During your life . Sav. Now doe you note the effect of all Sir Anthony ? Thr. I doe with my much joy . Lov. And Mistris Saleware , for your falsehood ( Which I forgive , because you are a Woman ) I quit familiarity with you , and advise you To love your husband , giving him no cause Of feare or jealousy . Ali. Your Lordship councells well . Sal. Hang feares and jealousies , I would there were no greater in the Kingdome , then in Tom Salewares Coxcombe ; But by your favour friend , we will be friends no more , but loving man and wife henceforward . Ali. That shall be as you please . Musick . Enter Carelesse , Crostill , Wat , Phebe . La. See new Married couples , please your Lordship to take notice ? Lov. Salutes the Brides . Car. Unkle and Madam , I am come to call you to my house to Dinner , and your Lordship if you please , and all the rest here , I want one , my Rivall Bellamy , where is he ? wee 'l be all friends to day ; and at night sweete heart , — at night , at night , at night — Wee 'l get the Boy that shall become a Knight Cros . You promise lustily . Wat. And Phebe if thou beest not better provided already , if I get not thee with Squire , let me turne clown . Car. But where 's this Bellamy , what new Ladies that ? Old Bel. This new Lady sir , is that Bellamy you inquire for . Sav. The same Gentleman that you accus'd your Aunt with . Clo. That I confesse had line with her . Car. Ha , is 't so ifaith ? and ( now I thinke on 't ) introth I thought so ; would I have tax'd'her thinke you , but with a Woman ? pray Mr. Bellamy let me salute your lips , and good Unkle now wee are Neighbours , and both good House-keepers , let us not be strangers to one another . Thr. Well sir , as I shall finde you by your wifes report I shall be still your Unkle . Car. I shall be his heire in spight o' the Devill , and all his workes and mine . Lov. Come Madam , I finde here 's Musick , let 's leade the Brides a Dance to stirre their appetites to Dinner . Daunce . Car. And now my Lord to grace our Wedding feast , As you in honour are the greatest Guest You have full power to welcome all the rest . FINIS . EPILOGUE . WEll ! had you Mirth enough ? much good may 't doe you , If not , 't is more then I did promise to you . 'T is your own fault , for it is you , not wee Make a Play good or bad ; and if this be Not answerable to your expectation Yee are the free-borne People of this Nation , And have the power to censure Worth and Wit , But wee must suffer for what you commit . Yet wee 're resolv'd to beare your gentle Hands , And if you will tie us in any Bands , Let us be bound to serve you , and that 's thus , To tell you truth , as long as you serve us . THE NOVELLA , A COMEDIE . Acted at the Black-Friers , by his MAJESTIES Servants , Anno 1632. WRITTEN By RICHARD BROME . MART. Hic totus volo rideat Lîbellus . LONDON . Printed for RICHARD MARRIOT , and THO. DRING , and are to be sold at their Shops in Fleet-street , 1653. The Persons of the Play. Two Senators . PAntaloni Guadagni Fabritio , Sonne to Pantaloni . Piso , His Friend . Francisco , Lover of Flavia. Horatio , His Friend — Servants to Guadagni . Nanulo , Astutta , Nicolo , Servant to Pantaloni . Victoria — The Novella . Jacconetta , Servant to Victoria . Flavia , Daughter to Guadagni . Paulo , — By-named Burgio . Swatzenburgh . Two Lawyers . Cheqinno , Prospero , Pedler , Woman . Zaffi , an Officer . The Sceane Venice . PROLOGUE . SHould I not speake a Prologue , and appeare In a starch'd formall Beard and Cloake , I feare , Some of this Auditory would be vext , And say this is a Sermon without a Text. Some thinke it so essentiall , that they say Nor foole , nor Prologue , there can be no Play. Our Author 's unprovided , and doth vow , What e're I say must stand for Prologue now ; Then have at wit for once , why mayn't I be Inspir'd with wit , and sence extempore ? But first I 'le tell you , that I bad commission From him to tell you that hee 'l not petition To be dubb'd Poet , for he holds it fit , That nought should make a man a wit , but wit , Hee 'll ' bide his triall , and submits his cause To you the Jury , so you 'l judge by Lawes . If Pride or Ignorance should rule , he feares An unfaire tryall , ' cause not try'd by 's Peeres . Faith be your selves a while , and pass your vote On what you understand , and doe not dote On things 'bove nature or intelligence ; All we pretend to is but Mirth and Sence . And he that lookes for more , must ee'ne goe seeke Those Poet-Bownces that write English Greeke . Our Author aimes only to gaine you laughter , Which if you won't , hee 'l laugh ●● you hereafter . THE NOVELLA . ACT I. SCENE I. Enter Piso , Fabritio . Pi. COme , I protest I 'le have you home againe , And tell all to your Father , if you goe not More chearfully on about this businesse . Fab. O Piso I dearest ( dearest ? ) only Friend , That Name of Father t is , that checks my blood , And strikes a filiall Reverence through my Soule ; Layes load upon my loynes , clogging my steps , And like an armed Angell warnes me back . Pi. So , so , he runs away to proper purpose That beares his Hue and Cry in 's conscience . Fab. It is not yet day-light : night will conceale My secret purposes . I will returne . Pi. Do so ; and damne thee blacker then the night , Thee and thy Father too for company Expresse your filiall Reverence so , doe so . Fab. Deare Piso peace . Pi. Peace fond Fabritio . Dost thou not fly from him to save his Soule ? His and thine own to boot ? will not thy stay ( Stay not to answer me ) ruine your Family ; Cut off all hope of Blessing , if not Being Of your Posterity ? and all this by obaying A wilfull Father in a lawlesse Marriage ; More fatall ( I foresee 't ) then ere our State Of Venice yet produc'd example for . Fab. O now thou tear'st my very bowells Piso , Should I consent ( as I dare not deny My over-hasty Father ) to this match , I should submit my selfe the most perfidious , That ever shadow'd Treachery with Love. No , my Victoria , sooner shall this steele Remove thy hindrance from a second choyce , Then I give word or thought , but to be thine . Pi. Why flie we not to Rome then , where you left her , And shun the danger of your Fathers Plot , Which would not only force you break your Faith With chast Victoria , but to wed another , Whose faith is given already to another ? Double damnation ! 'T were a way indeed To make your children bastards o' both fides . Fab. Can there no way be found to shun the danger Of this so hastily intended Marriage , But by my flight , and the most certaine losse Of mine inheritance ? Pi. That would be thought on . Fab. Stay ; who comes here ? Musick , and divers Gentlemen passe to and fro with lights , at last Enter Pantaloni , lighted by Nicolo , with darke Lanthorns . Pi. Some Night-walkers , that throw Balls at their Mistresses , well of all Citties Under the universall raigne of venery , This is the civill'st ! in what sweet tranquillity , The subjects passe by and salute each other ! Stay , what grave beast , what reverend Gib is that ? ( I' th' name of darknesse ) dropt out of a gutter ? O age what art thou come to ! Fab. Pray forbeare . Pi. Looke there Fabritio , Venus can it be ? Feb. Come y' are deceav'd . Pi. Nay now I know I am not , For by that little loving glimpse of light That leads him on , Fabritio , t is thy Father . Fab. I pray thee peace . Pi. What will this City come to ? A young man shall not shortly venture to A vaulting Schoole for feare he jumpe in the Same sadle with his Father , to the danger Of his old bones . Enter Francisco , and Horatio . Stay here comes more . This is Some speciall haunt ! sure t is the habitation Of the Novella lately come to Town , Which drawes the admiration of all The Rampant Gallantry about the City ! Fab. They say shee 's yet a Virgine . Pi. And is like So to continue , still shee prove stale fish , At the rate shee 's stamp'd for : for she has set Such a large price upon her new nothing , That Venery and Prodigality are at ods About her , it seemes thy Father could not bargaine . Fab. Fie ! 't was not he . Pi. Not hee ! peace and stand close . Fran. Is shee so rare a Creature , this Novella ? Ho. Rare ? above excellent ( man ) it is unpossible For a Painter to flatter her , or a Poet to bely her In ayming to augment her beauty : For I saw her that can judge . Pi. Now if a man Were to unkennell the handsomest shee Fox In Venice , let him follow these doggs . Sure Shee is earth'd hereabouts . They have the sent . Fran. You have not seene her often ? Hor. Onely thrice At Church , That 's once for every day , that shee Has beautified this City . Pi. What rare helpe May this be to devotion , that he speaks of ! Fran. And all this Beauty , and this seeming vertue Offer'd to sale ? Pi. I thought 't was such a peece . Hor. Thence only springs the knowledge of her worth Marke but the price shee 's cry'd at : two thousand Duccats For her Maydenhead , and one moneths society . Pi. What a way , now , would that money reach In Buttock-beefe . Hor. Shee is indeed for beauty , Person , and Price , fit onely for a Prince : I cannot thinke a lesse man then the Duke Himselfe must beare her ; and indeed 't were pitty That shee should sinne at lesse advantage . Fran. Why do we then make way to visit her By our expence in Musick ? Pi. A wary whore-master : I like him well : A penneyworth for a penny would be look'd for . Hor. Why Francisco ? Why ? Pi. Francisco ! is it hee ? Hor. Although her price be such to be sold for In ready money , shee is yet allow'd To give herselfe for love if shee be pleas'd . Who knowes how well shee may affect a man ( As here and there a Woman may by chance ) Onely for vertue ? That 's worth our adventure , But I wish rather we could purchace her At the set price betwixt us for a twelvemonth Our friendship should not suffer us to grudge At one anothers good turnes . Pi. There 's love in couples , What whelpes are these ? sure this Francisco is The late forsaken lover , betroth'd to Flavia Whom now thy Father would so violently Force thee to marry . Fab. Would he had her Piso . Pi. O here they pitch , stand close , wee 'l heare their Musick . Song . Hor. Come sad Francisco , wee 'l to morrow see This Miracle of nature , whose meere sight Will wipe away the injury thou sufferd'st In Flavia ; and make thee quite forget her . Pi. T is he , and I will speake to him . Hor. Good forbeare . Pi. Francisco must not so forget his Flavia. Hor. What are you ? Pi. Men , that would have you be so , And not to wanton out your holy vowes Drawes Dancing your selfes to th' Devill . Fran. VVhat doe you meane ? Pi. I meane , Francisco , you too much forget The love you bore to Flavia , shee to you , Hor. Shee has forsaken him , and is bestow'd ( Forc'd by the torrent of her fathers will ) On young Fabritio , Pantalonies Sonne . Pi. Here stands the man denies it , speake Fabritio . Fab. Not that I undervalue Flavius worth , But not to violate her faith by breach Of mine , were all this signiory her dowry ( Here is my hand Francisco , ) I 'le not wed her . Fran. I must embrace you sir . Hor. And Gentlemen , My Lodging is not farre , please you retire , And there repose your selfes untill the light That now is near at hand , shall point you forth A way to future comfort ; you shall finde Good wine and welcome , please you to accept it Pi. Your offer sir is large : yet let me aske If we may rest securely for a day ; Lurke close and private , till the appointed houre For this forc'd Marriage be over-slipp'd , In case that our necessity may require it ? Hor. I understand you , Take mine honor of it . Pi. Be cheard Fabritio , thou shalt not to Rome , VVe may prevent thy danger nearer home . Now night we thanke , and follow thee away ( As being thy servants ) from th' approach day . Hor. You conclude well , lovers and sprights are Night-walkers , warn'd away by th' morning Starre . Ex. ACT I. SCENE II. Enter Guadagni in his Study . A Taper , Baggs , Books , &c. Gua. WHilest yet the Leaden finger'd god of sleepe Keeps close the eye-lids of phantastick youth , Feeding their acry fancies with light dreames , Of wanton pleasures ; giddy , vaine delights , The ever watchfull cares of aged Parents Throw ope the gates and windowes of soft rest , Making our midnight noone , to guard and order The wholsome fruits of our continuall labour . VVholsome and happy off-springs of my paines Thus I salute you and implore your safty , And thus that you may rest , grow and increase Mine eyes prevent the breakers of your peace . But see the morning hastens to relieve me ! Day spreads apace , and warmes the provident hand Doe out the uselesse taper . Hoe ! what hoe ! Enter Nanulo , Astutta . Nanulo ! Astutta ! is it midnight with you ? Nan. Your servants are all here and ready sir . Gua. About about , you drowsy headed drones , VVhere is my Daugher ? Ast . Up and ready too sir . Gua. Sirrah haste you to Pantalonies house . Nan. The rich Magnifico ? Gua. VVho else , you Rat ? Tell him I doe attend his comming hither , To expedite the worke we have in hand . Nan. It shall be done sir , please you give me passage . Gua. Here take the Keys ; lock the dore after him Then call my Daughter to me . Ast . See shee 's here sir . Ex. Nan. Ast . Gua. Flavia my Girle , see how my early ●●r● Provides for thee , The toyle of many yeares By dayly travaile , and my nightly watches Lies here in readinesse to build thy for●une . And take it willingly , since thou consentst To match unto my will ; whereby this Coyne , Thy selfe , and both our joyes may finde increase . I can no lesse then thanke thee Flavia , Although I must confesse , my sute was long , And grievous to me , ere thy childish will Yeilded to my appointment of a husband : For whom ( with no small joy I speak 't ) thou didst Cast off ( indeed ) the off-●cum of his blood The poore , degenerate in fortune , fellow , I scorne to name him . Fla. Alas my Francisco — Gua. By which thou gain'st the Nonpareil of heires In all this wealthy City . Fla. Sir t is not The Riddance of the one , to gaine the other , Both which are equall blessings unto me Can ad unto my present happinesse More , then the thought of your paternall wisdome , VVhose provident care was author of this good : Chiefly to you I therefore wish the comfort . Gua. It will be so : I finde it my deare child For though thy joy I know will be abundant Mine must exceed , that includes thine with it . VVhy smil'st thou Flavia ? to think how deare Thy Hymeneall day , to morow is ? Fla. No I could weepe for that . Gua. How ! ha ! what 's that ? This money 's mine againe , and thou art not If thou dost wish one dayes procrastination , Degenerate brat , changeling — Fla. Deare Father — Father — Gua. Th' ast seene thy last of happinesse : all content From this black minute , and thy selfe are strangers . Fla. Sir , I beseech you heare me — Gu. Get you in I 'le mew you up where never Sun shall show Into what endlesse misery I 'le cast thee ; Nor any sound bring succour to thine Eare. To call thee back from torment . Fla. Sir , — deare sir — Gua. My selfe will be your Keeper , Cook , and Carver . Fla Indeed you will be sorry . Gua. Sorry ! for what ? Fla. For the mistake you run away withall . Gua. Didst thou not say thou wept'st , because to morrow was come so nigh ? Fla. So nigh and yet not come sir , Fearing how many dangerous houres are thither . Gua. Ha! I beginne to be now sorry indeed . Fla. Loves Minutes , sir , are dayes , and houres are years , When each protracted , multiplies our feares . Gua. Now I am sorry with all my heart ; and here 's a Thousand checqines to expiate my trespasse . But do not let thy husband know of them Till he redeeme a fault to their full value , Oh mine own Gi●le , my honey , honey Girle ? Fla. Was not I si● applauding of your wisdome , And giving you the glory of my comfort In this approved match ? Gua. Thou didst , thou didst , With teares of joy I must confesse thou didst . Fla. Had you but heard me out , I had magnified My fortune , sprung out of your providence . Gua. Speake yet , and I will heare attentively . Fla. First then , how first your admirable wisdome Weighing how I had setled my affection Upon Francisco excellent in parts , Of noble blood , how ever low in fortune , You gave your free consent ( knowing your estate To be a portion fitter to restore him Unto the dignity of his Ancestors , Then to be added to anothers Mu●k-hill ) That I should be his wife — Gua. What 's this you say ? Fla. Nay deare sir flie not off . Gua. Well , on then , on . Fla. I say you gave consent , that I should be Wife to that noble Gentleman ( pray sit still sir ) As you had foreseene my future happines Only in him consisted — sir untill This wealthy heire , young Fabritio , You Neighbour Trades-mans Son , of great estate , Was by his father tender'd unto you For me a husband , then unseene by mee : But since I must confesse a proper man , Worthy a fitter Wife — Gua. Sweet Modesty . Fla. But that your wisdome needs will have it so , By reason that his heapes may purchase honour , Which to'thers wants can never wash away , But farewell him : I must looke this way now ; And crown your wisdome with this closing point , That whereas I betroth'd was to Francisco , And Pantalonies Sonne unto another , ( A Lady as t is justified at Rome ) You force me on this man , the fittest husband On whom to make my party good hereafter , Who shall not dare to upbraide my breach of faith . Gua. And i st not a sound policy my Flavia ? A Bell rings . But now no more ; old Pantaloni comes , I take it . How now ! dos he not come ? Enter Nanulo . Nan. Signor Pantaloni , sir , intreats you Meet him on the Rialto instantly , That you may goe to the Advocates together . Gua. It is my Flavia interchangeably To seale your Marriage covenants ; make thee happy , Looke to my house and havings ; keepe all safe , I shall be absent most part of this day , Be carefull Girle , thine own speciall good Requires thee to 't : and therefore I dare trust thee . Fla. Happy successe attend you sir , whilst I Rest here in prayers for you . Gua Thanks my child , Come sirrah lock the doore . But first ( d ee hear ) Beware that none have entrance in my absence Except Fabritio , Pantalonie's Sonne ; Or such as I have warranted , looke to it . Nan. With due respect . Gua. Come lock the doore I say . Exit . Fla. I , I , be sure of that , and I could wish My thoughts were prisoners too : that they might fly No further then the casement , or the wicket ; Where they ( loose things ) get out , and nothing bring Back to this heart , but cold and sad returnes . O my Astutta — Enter Astutta . Ast . Now or never helpe me ! Fla. As thou didst ever dreame what true love was , Fancy some way to quit me of this bondage ; Or else contrive this houre to be my last . Ast . What! would you disobey your Father ? what ! So good , so carefull , and so wise a Parent ? Fla. O doe not vex me into longer life . Either speake helpe , or let me die in silence . Ast . Yes , at sixteene ; you would die at sixteene ? Fla. Else let thy pitty of my youth preserve me . Ast . O Cupid what a Termagant tyrant art thou Over poore subjects of sixteene ! There is not one Among a hundred of those ticklish Trifles But is more taken with a Toy at sixteene Then six and twenty : because by that time The edges of most maydenheads are allayd . Fla. Nay deare Astutta hast thou thought a course ? Ast . What to prevent your Father , my good Master ? Thinke you I can turne traytor to his trust , And crosse his purpose for your Marriage ? Fla. If Knife , or Poyson , Fire , or Water may Remove this wretched cause , I 'le do it else . Ast . Yes , you were best leape from the top o'th'house Into the Cavail grande : and there perhaps Some courteous Gondaliar may catch you up , And waft you to some house of deare delight . Fla. Thou tortur'st me . Ast . You see the doore is shut , And Go-by-ground your fathers Giant here More sterne then Cerberus holds fast the Key , You can make no ex●u●sion ; nor let in Any attempt for your redemption : No Letter or a Message can approach you , But by this Gyant-dwarfe your Fathers Agent , Though I my selfe were wicked to assist you . Fla. O couldst thou be so vertuous ! Then I know Some quaint devise would issue from thy braine ▪ To conjure and controwle his weaker spirits . Thou knowst I have command of Gold and Jewells Enough to buy a Senators large conscience : Doe thou command it all to win him to us , That petty thing . Dos he appeare bribe-free ? Is he the only officer uncorrupted ? Enter Nanulo . Nan. Madona Flavia ▪ newes . Fla. What I beseech you ? Nan. From your elected Bridegroome , brave Fabritio . Ast . Dissemble patience as you are a woman , Or hope to be ; and heare him handsomely . Fla. How dos hee Nanulo ? Ast . That was well said . Nan. VVell and respectfull towards you it seemes , For hee desires you not to stir abroad , As I could wish you would not — Fla. Insolent slave ! You know I may not stir beyond the Key You keepe , and yet you wish me stay within . Ast . VVill you marre all ? the reason ? Nan. The reason is , he meanes to send anon A Mercadante from the Merceria , The famous Pedler woman of this City VVith her most precious wares ; for you to choose VVhat you shall like , and take them as his presents , ( A ceremony us'd on wedding Eves ) Such Rings , such Things , such Knacks , such Knots & Bobs ; Such Curles , such Purles , such Tricks and Trilly bubkins As Mayds would turne no Mayds almost to see ' hem ! And can you yet be angry at such newes VVith me the gladsome bringer ? Ast . Very good ! I have heard of this rare Pedler-woman ; And that shee is much us'd in close affaires Twixt parties Hee and Shee ; and doe not doubt Since you make golden offers ( gentle Mistresse ) To worke her to your ends , as neare ( d ee marke ? ) As womans wit may reach at such a pinch , Pray let her come . Fla. VVell sir , you know I shall not stir abroad ; VVhen shee is come shee 's welcome with my thanks . Returne so by the messenger . Nan. Most readily . Exit . Ast . Now M●stris if I chance to set the sadle On the right horse ; that is , to place your Mayden-head VVhere you would faine bestow it , I trust you will Out of your store reward me with a dowry Fit to convey me to a Tradesmans ▪ Bed. Fla. Yes , and wish there a second Maydenhead , On the condition . Ast . Well , be chearfull then , And cleare those cloudy looks , awake your senses , Refresh your temples , rowse invention up . I have found ground to build on ; but there lacks Much rewing , squaring , joynting , to make sure , Against all stormes , our lofty Archi'ture , Come up to councell ? Fla. Now thou comforts me . Exeunt . Om. ACT II. SCENE I. Enter Pantoloni , Guadagni , Nicolo , with a Zaffies habit under his arme . Pan. IS this Checquino's house , your Advocate ? Gua. It is , and Prospero your learned Councell Is with him here , attending too , our comming . Pan. T is well , Give me my writings Nicolo , Please you to enter : I 'le dispatch my man , Exit . Guad . And follow instantly . Now Nicolo , About the serious busines Nicolo , In which this morning I instructed you . Nic. For your revenge sir . Pan. Right my Apprehension On that discourteous , cursed Curtezan , T will breed me more delight , then all the dalliances I could have found in her most free ambraces ; I hug my quick and sweet invention for it ; Here take this gold ; this bright refulgent gold , Twenty Checquines , and promise twenty more On the performance of the brave exploy't T will take unto my wish , I doe foresee 't . Nic. T will be sir , such a notable Revenge That the report of it in after-ages Will either mortifie concupiscence In young lascivious Harlots ; or , at least , Fright out of 'em their itch of wronging age : They shall no more dare to put youthfull tricks On yeares , and gravity . Pan. Right my Nicolo . Nic. Sli'd sir , and if you should not be revengd , An old man should not step in the Bordello Without the taunts of Boyes and Gondelie●s , Crying take heed , old man , you be not serv'd As the Movella fitted Pantaloni . So , in short time , the City were well serv'd When age shall be asham'd to crawle to lechery . Pan. Right , witty Knave . Go heartily about it , Thinke what a Master t is thou dost it for , That has no slender tie upon thy duty ; One that has bred thee from a youngling up To this maturity . Nic. I must acknowledge it . Pan. And Nicolo , it was no petty kindnes To manumize your Father from the Galley Which you cannot forget . Nic. Yet must I heare it — ? Pan. But I 'le urge thee no further . Boy be carefull ; Worke but this for me with effect and speed , And bind me as a Father to thy need . Exit . Nic. You have even spoyl'd all now . I had as good a mind And thought to ha' gone as heartily about This peece of villany as the Devill , that Is in my Master could devise , or wish Till that ore-doing spirit put me out ; Could he not see 't was well ; and mischievous Enough in conscience , but himselfe must crosse it ? Dos he thinke by redeeming of my Father To slave me with his boasts , and foule upbraydings ? Had he still rowd i' th' gally , I not knowing , The toyle , the smart and griefe had been his own : Now I inherit what was then his paine , Hearing continually the clash of 's care , And his f●ll stripes , out of this Bablers mouth , Which more then kills my thanks ; it wreaks my Spleen . To br●g of benefits one hath bestowne Doth make the best seeme lesse , and most seem none : So often times the greatest curtesie Is by the doer made an injury . Enter Fabritio . Fab. Nicolo well met . I saw you house my Father , And waited for you . Come you shall draw neare . This is a neare friends Lodging Gentlemen , Piso ▪ Francisco , Hora ▪ at a Table , Wine , &c. My fathers speciall man I told you of ; Pray bid him welcome . Hor. Most intirely , Please you to sit sir : Here 's a short potation . Pi. But good Lyatico I assure you si● I 'le be your taster to quit feare of danger , Piso drinks . And now I 'le let you know we have made oath Upon this nimble master of invention This sprightly liquor to be firme , and faithfull To one another in a present project . Take you the ●ame , and grow in one with us . Nic. May I not aske what end your project aimes at ? Fra. Nor what , nor unto whose — Pi. Let it suffice , We carry that about us shall end you , They draw Stillettoes And presently , if you comply not with us . Nic. Nay , nay , by faire meanes Gentlemen I pray . I am apt enough to mischiefe of my selfe . Looke yee . I sweare with you . He drinks . Hor. T is well . Now know T is for the good of your young Master here . Nic. Then you would use me in some treachery Against my old one . Pi. Thou art a Soothsayer . Nic. Look you , I 'le sweare againe , I like your oath , Your deep Lyatick oath here , wondrous well . He drinks Fab. T is well done Nicolo : try the bottome of 't — thrice Nic. I will comply now and complot with you , And was indifferently prepar'd before . Provided alwayes that it tend not to Danger of 's Life . Fab. Cou'dst thinke me such a Villaine ? Nic. Nay , if it were , 't were no disparagement To stake my head with yours . But Gentlemen , Please yee fall roundly now upon the busines , I have now sworne enough . Pi. Then you must answer To these intergatories . First do you know If the old men Guadagni and Pantaloni Doe hold their purpose for their match to morrow Betwixt Fabritio here , and Flavid ? Nic. They are marying of 'em now at their Lawyers , By Deed and Covenant , under Hand and Seale . I left them , and their Bookes there now together , And for the Priest to morrow is the day . Hor. Is not Fabritio mist at home this morning ? Nic. No , not at all , the old man's mind 's so carried Upon the wings of this new marriage f●rtune — I cry you mercy sir , you are the Gentleman I thinke , that should have had her . Fra. In good time sir . Nic. In good time may you I 'le do something for you ▪ Fab. Honest , deserving Nic. Nic. Sir thus it is : My Master sent in my young Masters name , ( The more to indeare his service and his care To the young Lady ) that the Merchantesse , The rich Shee pedler of the Merceria Should visit her to day with all her wares , For her to take her choyce to deck her Brideship ; If you know how to plough now with that Heyfar You may herhaps convey a message to her . Hor. I know her , and will fit you with directions . Fra. Thou hast given a hint , for which I will renown thee . Pi. But Nicolo , where was your reverend Master Attended by your selfe before day-light ? Fab. Prithee inquire not further , 't was not he ▪ Nic. The doubtfull light deceav'd you sir . Pi. No more then Noon ifaith , a man may spie An old whore-master in the darkest night Like an old Cat , by th' gloring of his eyes . Will his old Mutton-mongership nere leave ? He is already known sufficiently Thorough the City for his gift that way ; And yet he will deny his sonne free choyce , And force him marry one hee not affects . Hor. That is his drift , whereby he may inherit From him the same licenciousnesse ; and make The World acknowledge him the more his Son. Pi. But has he made the purchace ? has he bought The famous peece of flesh , the rare Novella ? Nic. I could unshale a plot . Hor. Nere doubt but doe 't then , Pi. My noble Nicolo out with 't I say . Ni. I would intreat the favour of this Senate I might unfold it only unto one . Fra. Take your free choyce . Nic. To you young Master then , Take heede wee render not ridiculous Your Father to the wildnesse of their youth : But to your selfe I will disclose a secret That may be wrought to your advantage . Fab. On. Nic. T is true , my Master was with the Novella Drawne by the loose desires of wanton flesh ; But such a foule affront he did receave As justly doth provoke his dire revenge , Which he hath trusted me to execute . Fab. How Nicolo ? but first what was th' affront ? Nic. He bargain'd with her ; and for some large price Shee yeilded to be his . But in the night In the condition'd bed was laid a Moore ; A hideous and detested Blackamore , Which he ( demanding light to please his eye , As old men use all motives ) Discoverd and inrag'd , forsooke the house ; Affrighted and asham'd to aske his coyne againe . Fab. But seekes Revenge How , how , good Nicolo ? Nic. Thus sir , you know what common disrepute Falls upon Man or Woman that is found Conversing with the common City-hangman , That nearest Kinred after such converse , Shun their society , as they would doe him ( The Hangmans selfe ) so odious are they held Except it be those officers allowd By the State-publick to negotiate with him . Fab. I know it Nicolo . But what can follow ? Nic. T is plotted that the Hangman shall go to her , And be discover'd with her in such sort , As her disgrace shall force her fly the City , And I have undertaken to effect it . Fab. It must be then by bribing of the Hangman : And how canst thou do that with thine own safety ? Thou mayst be so discoverd and so hated . Nic. For that observe the politique invention Of my old Master ! the habit of a Zaffi , One of th' inferiour Ministers of Justice , That walkes betweene the Senate , and their Friend The Executioner of their commands . Fab. But what disguise shall shrowd the Hangman thither , whos 's own shape is as horrid as the Plague ? Nic. The habit of some stranger in the City , Which here is gold to purchace . Fab. Thou hast inform'd , Nay more thou hast inspir'd mee Nicolo ! I shall find way by this , to breake the contract My Father would inforce ; preserve his credit , And save the poore Novella from the same My father threatens by his own disgrace Be then but true to me . Nic. Sir , if I faile — Fab. Enough : I 'le trust thee . Keepe the gold thy self : Give me this Habit. Get thy selfe another In all points like it , and in that returne Unto my Father , confidently tell him The Hangman undertakes it , and at five , Soone in the Evening , in strangers habit , He will accost her . Nic. Sir — Fab. I 'le see 't perform'd , Trust to my word and care , and thy reward . Nic. I leave all to you sir . And crave my dismission . Pi. What! Has he done ? Fab. Most friendly . Farewell Nicolo . Exit . Nic. He has given me plot enough , if I but worke it ; And it produce not Comick sport i' th' end I must subscribe my Wit is not my Friend , I must crave your assistance Gentlemen . Hor. We have beene plotting too . Fra. And though our proj●ct run not the same way , It may conclude with yours to crown the day . Pi. So to your severall wayes . Hor. I am for the Novella . Exeunt Omnes . ACT II. SCENE II. Victoria above , looking in a Glasse , Jacomo , Paulo , by-named Burgio . Vic. SO I am ready : And trust me Jacconetta My pretty Moore , ( for so I still must call thee For thy deare Masters sake that gave thee to me ) Thou art grown skilfull in these quaint attires , So lately unacquainted with my wearing : Thou hast plaid the good beginner at this dressing , And by thine industy and further practise , I doubt not but my Knowledge will grow ripe . Pau. And by that Knowledge , you your selfe soone rotten . Aside . O! could these Creatures grow still towards ripenesse ; O● , being ●ipe , abide so , and no further , What excellent fruit they were ! Vic. VVhat say you Borgio ? Pau. I say among the twenty thousand Curtezans In and about this City , none becomes The dressing , or the habit like your selfe ; Your most unparallel'd ▪ selfe ! But , noblest Lady , Thinke t is your person beautifies the Dresse , Not it , your person . Vic. Why not it my person ? Pan. Yes , as the flame the fuell ; To worke it into coales , and so to ashes . Vic. Still Borgio in your old morality ! Pan. These Tires , these Chaines , these Paintings , and these Gawds Are but the sprigs and leaves , the butchers use To set out flesh to sale with ; or , at best , But the gay Garlands which adorne the Beast Prepar'd for Sacrifice — Vic. Peace Borgio , peace . Pan. And as those Beasts , so senselesse are you women Of the most certaine danger you put on , With your vaine glorious gayety ; chips and strawes , To kindle fire of lust , in whose lew'd flame Sinkes ( with Troyes Buildings ) Natures choycest Flame . Vic. I would I understood this misery ! Deale freely with me Borgio , what new art Hast thou in practise , that thou setst a face Shiningly varnish'd with Divinity On a profession , that makes Nature vile In her own shame ? Lust's instrument ! Nay case of instruments , holding all meanes For propagation and maintaining of it ; To make thy Gaine out of its dregs and fragments . Tell me , dost thinke by preaching modesty To quit thee of the basenesse of thy trade ; A poore necessitous Bravo ? or hast hope To live upon my honesty , and yet be still Thy selfe a Ruffiano ? Pan. I would give o're , would you ; and change my Function . Vic. Ha , ha , ha , — Jac. What meane you Borgio , would you now spoile all ? Did you instruct her in this way of profit , And no lesse pleasant too , then profitable ( As most of my Bookes titles are ) whereby Shee was so well resolved to goe on — Pan. Hold thy peace foole : shee will runne on the faster . Thou knowst not how much harme , preaching has done ' Mongst women . She will prove the only Sweep-stake In all the City . Jac. O are you there Devill ? Vic. Sir , leave this grumbling , or I 'le turne you off Amongst your Brothers , and your Sons Ruffianos , To lurch i' th' night betwixt eleaven and two To rob and drown for prey ; till being taken Imediate Hanging followes . Pan. I 'm now your Creature ; My noble resolute Mistris ; now I adore you : Now you shine bright ; your bravery now becomes you , Yet ( let me tell you under faire correction ) I have some cause to hinder your desires , And theyrs that seeke you more , yet , for a time . Vic. Your reason sir ? Pan. You know I was preferrd to you for a Bravo Of long and deare experience : I have serv'd Six , the most famous Dames , this City bred These sixty yeares ; none scorning my advise , By which , and their endeavours they grew up To purse the price of Providences ; which bestowd The most in publique , some in pious uses Purchac'd them fame , almost Canonization . The last and least of them , Margarita Emiliana Founded the Augustinian Monastry I showd you late ; where shee has daily prayers . These women , whom successively I serv'd , Fell not by rash adventure unto all Great Fortunes offers ; but by sound advise ( Which kept their Bodies sound and ' rich'd their coffers ) Were long e're they embrac'd ; by which their price And beauty grew of greater estimation , My profit in this too is unneglected : For long suspense , and tedious Expectation Bring me more certaine fees ; where , if you fell Imediatly to work , my work were done , And your own too , perhaps too soon : witnes the falls That Pox and Poverty have brought on many ! When their youths flame was spent and they rejected , When others of their Sisterhood were embrac'd Into a wholsome Nunnery . Vic. This fellow speakes my thoughts . Borgio , I thought You had respect to your particular profit In all this winding warinesse for my good . Pan. You may conceive , 't would grieve me , that ( where now You have continuall new , and bounteous suitors , That yeild me fees for the bare sight of you ) You should in yeilding to their common use Send one man cloyd away , t' affright another From his approach . Vic. Borgio , no more of this , A deare friend put you to me , for whose sake I hitherto have follow'd your advise , In hoysting up the price of my virginity . Jac. To such a rate no common purse dares venture , Nor common folkes presume t' approach the house . Vic. And such as did attempt , by offring lesse , I have sent back with shame ; as the old youth Last night , for which I thanke thee Jacconetta ▪ Jac. I thinke I coold his grave concupiscence . Vic. And therefore , doubt not , carefull Borgio , Unlesse I meet a husband by the way I will not stoope this moneth at a lesse rate , Then the proposed sum and your consent . Pau. I thanke you more then if you had possess'd Me of the value of that sum propos'd . Jac. He meanes her Maydenhead ! I faith good sir , The mark 's grown out of your old chaps , or else Hang me if I believ'd you , by that little I know of man. Vic. So now about our businesse . Some of my visitants I know are neare , Wayt circumspectly Borgio . Pau. You need not doubt me . Exit . Vic. There is some hidden vertue in this fellow , Or dangerous ill : but whether let it be ; As was my Birth my purpose shall be free . Make fit my Chamber Jaconet . But first Give me my Lute ; and set me for the signe O what I meane to be , the fam'd Novella . Song . Whilst she playes and sings above , Paulo waits below : Many Gallants passe over the stage gazing at her , Piso is received in by Paulo , after him a French Cavalier , then a brave Spaniard , and after him a glorious German . Paulo takes fees of all as they enter the house . The Song ended , Paulo appeares above with Victoria . Vict. Now Borgio , how speakes your muster roll ? What ? are you full ? Pau. I have an army royall Of Princely spirits , ready for incounter . Vic. But one at once good Borgio . Pau. I have encamp'd them each in severall quarter . Here lies the no lesse politick then stout Italian force , and there your sprightly French ; Here the brave Spaniard , there the German bold ; Here the Polonian , and Sclavonian there ; Persian and Grecian — Vic. Pray thee hold . No more . Pau. 'T is not your house can hold , ( would I admit 'em ) One of each severall nation would throng in To make his battery on your virgin Fort. The rich Piazza , on her greatest Mart Boasts not more Nations ; nor St. Marke himselfe The understanding of more Languages Then I ( could I find house-roome ) could receave , To be made one by your interpretation O what a Daring glasse is sparkling beauty ; Fetching ambition from above the p●tch Of towring Eagles , or Sky-touching La●ks Down with a glance into the Nets of Love ! Vic. Praythee speake nearer home , who hast thou hous'd ? Pau. I have cull'd from the pack a speciall prince ; Foure glittering Gallants ; one of Italy , For our deare Countries sake ; But then a Monsieur , A joviall French-man , all of flame and spirit . Vic. I shall not dare to meddle with his glory For feare I fall with Semele , who next ? Pau. A Spaniard next , that , to adorne his pride , Weares an Ep●tome of both the Indies . Vic. I saw his punctuality passe by . Pau. And did you note his stiffe reservednesse ? He dares not cough for breaking of his chaine , But then there is a Dutchman , ( Cargo lustick ! ) A jolly strong chind German , princely borne ; A Landsgrave at the least ; whose very bluntnesse Promises more then the sharp-set Italian , The fiery Frenchman , or the doughty Diego In all their eager pursuit . Vic. That man Burgio ! You have bestowd them all in severall Roomes ? Pau. O like fierce Beasts , from sent of one another . Vic. Then first , in faire requitall of the Musick , I doe imagine some of them bestowd On me , this morning e're my Love appeares To feed their eyes , let Musick feast their eares . Exeunt Om. ACT III. SCENE I. Piso , Victoria . Pi. WHy not me , Lady ? stand not I as faire , And fit for your embrace as any man ? Vic. Yes sir , t is granted ; and as acceptable I yeild to none . Pi. T is but to try my Courtship , I presume , That you put on this coynesse , and to draw More ample testimony of affection , By Protestation , Prayers , Compliments ; The weakest ceremonies due to love ; Meere noyse and Lip-labour , with losse of time . I thinke with scorne upon such poore expressions , And am above the art of Amorists , That cringe and creepe by weake degrees of Love ; To Kisse the hand , the Cheek , the Lip , then cry O Divine touch ! then smirk , and then embrace , Then nuzzle in the Elizium of your bosome , And be entranc'd ! meanes fit for duller spirits , To gather heat and strength of appetite . My desire speakes in Loves true dialect ; And , from my heart inflam'd , you may perceive Loves fire rage in mine eyes , enough To melt to yeildingnes a frozen breast . In this I talke too much . I finde you yeilding . Vic. And I my selfe too blame — Pi. Let us retire then . Vic. Mistake me not good Signior . Keep your distance : I blame my selfe to let you overweene By my long silence , that immodesty To be in me , that might embolden you To your and my dishonor . Pray desist , And let the friendly welcome you have found Perswade your faire construction . Pi. Is this earnest ? Vic. Yes in sooth is it . Pi. I 'le be playner then , What make you here i' th' Smock-Faire , precious Mistris ? Or why these dressings , these perfumes and paintings ? Doe you weare the habit of our Curtezans , And , by their art , call Gazers to your beauty , Full of high hopes and flames of ardent Love , Thus to delude , and make them witnesses Of a cold seeming Chastity ? what n●w Art Is this ? it cannot be to get a husband ! Vic. Nor a child neither sir , that 's lesse . Pi. That 's soone believ'd , yet , no disparagement To your expert sufficiency in the trade : For the best Carpenters make fewest chips , There 's very few of all your function fruitfull : Yet some there be approved men at armes Famous in publique service ; and a many Good handy craftsmen in the Arsenall Bred by this bounteous City from such mothers That nere could boast their fathers ; and as many Daughters ( if they prove worthy in their feature ) Succeed their active Mothers in their fortunes . Vic. You are better read then I sir . Pi. T is common knowledge Lady . Nor do I Read this t' informe your selfe , who were instructed ( I make no doubt ) before your price was set , By all examples to your present practise . Vic. Sir , I must tell you now , you grow too lavish ; So , as I feare foule language ; to'avoyd which Let me intreat a faire departure hence . Pi. Lady , this overacted State might fit The wife of a Clarissimo , or the bashfull Daughter of some Patrician : but in you , A pi●ce set out to sale , it but appeares Affected singularity , more unsutable To the temptations you weare about you Then th' holy seeming pictures in your Chamber . Vic. Why should it trouble you sir ? Pi. It dos , to thinke what new and secret aime You may intend by this ; in taking on you The habit , and the name of Curtezan : And , first , to set a price so far beyond The strength of any ordinary meanes ; And then to shew a carriage that may strike Lust out of countenance ! O the Knot 's dissolv'd ! O Oedipus ! O Sphynx ! I now have found it You fish for Fishermen ( t is pregnant truth ) Shee claps a Cardinall aboord at least : T is not a Lay-mans purse , or Learning can , Or purchace , or confute you , i st not so ? Vic. Now you are foule indeed , and I must plead My priviledge against you sir , you know I have a freedome grounded upon custome Here in this City , for a moneth to make Choyce of my Lodging , set what price I please Upon my selfe ; admit what visitants I shall thinke fit ; no other , nor no more ; And this without controule , or least exception Of you or any man ; secur'd by th' City , So safe from out-rages , that least abuse May , on my just complaint , be punishable In whomsoever by affront dares grive me . Pi. I feare shee 'l prove another creature then The Beast I tooke her for : shee knows her strength ▪ Vic. Yet thus much ( for you are a Gentleman ) I 'le yeild for satisfaction unexacted : If in this Moneths space , in that honor'd way ( For I despaire not of a husband sir ) Of holy Marriage , I be not promov'd ; Nor , by that time prefix'd , the great Son tenderd ( Great as you terme'● ) for my virginity ; And that I stoope for lesse , here is my hand , I will be yours as freely as mine owne At your own price . Pi. Said like a noble Wench , Onely a word by way of friendly advise , And so farewell . This Maydenhead of yours , By you so highly pris'd ; now being ripe ( And therein only merchantable ware ) Will , if you oversl●p the season , grow Sodainly fulsome , streight way stale , then Rotten : Think upon choycest Fruit , or Foule , or Fish , Rich Wines , or any Rarity ; how soone Their vertue 's lost . Vic I am enough instructed . Pi. O●ce more farewell — pray ponder on these things . Vic. Feare not I shall . Pi. Could you consider how 't would grieve a soule Indued with Reason , Knowing , the true use Of Nature's delicates , to see 'hem lost , O● spoil'd for want of seasonable ta●●ng , I know you would , and thanke me for my counsell . Vic. Indeed and so I doe . Pi. Indeed farwell then . Exit . Vic. Hee 's gone , at last the tedious storme is over . I shall want day , as well as patience T' indure and answer all the rest so largely , See my sprightly Frenchman ! I must looke For a hot O ●s●t now , though a short Skirmish . Enter Horatio , like a French cavalier , Paulo presents him . Hor. Let me in my approach admire that Object That vindicates the voyce of Fame , in proving She● was no Lyer in the lowd reports , That blaz'd it for the Beauty of the World ! Vic. Good sit beware idolatry . Hor. The Egiptians , Would they forbeare their wonted heathenish worship , And fall in adoration of this face — Vic. Indeed I 'le heare no more . Hor. Lady you must , You are so farre above the pitch of flattery That highest courtship in our best of Language Wants due expression of your supreame graces : And not to tender you the heighth of prayse Were mere Rusticity , rather prophanation . Vic. Yet . Let me stay you there , and let me tell you You have worded well your high conceipt of me , But in a way so low , so undeserving A courtiers art , that I have found you none . Hor. No Courtier Lady ? Vic. No , no Courtier sir , How can it fall in courtly understanding ▪ That beauty can be conquerd by it's praise ? It breeds but lesse respect , and oft times scorne From those that are ambitious of praise On such praise-givers . And if you came onely Thus to pronounce my praise , you have said enough . Hor. Nay dearest Lady , saving your displeasure — I must come closer to her , shee 'l forget Aside . Shee is a whore else . Vic. Sir , your further pleasure Hor. To tell you , Lady , now I like your wit Equally with your beauty ; briefly of which A word or two , and so unto our businesse . ( You tax me with the losse of time already ) You doe consider fitly , that to praise What we would purchace makes the value higher : It is the chapmans rule to discommend . Vic. Right sir , were you to buy a Horse or Jewell , You would not praise it past the price propounded . Hor. Yes , where I finde the worth exceed the price . Vic. ( I am betray'd . Hee brings the Money sure ) Aside . Hor. And , that you know I doe esteeme your worth Above all Salary , I yeild my selfe , Fraught with unvaluable Love and Honor To be the due reward of your embraces . Vic. What 's this si● , to a thousand double Duccatts ? Hor. You cannot thinke so poorely , or if so , Perceive them in a taste of my endowments . First see my late composure ; where the flame Of the soule-ravishing art of Poesy May light your judgement 'bove the love of money . Vic. You 'l say my soule is noble , then if I ( As I protest I doe ) complaine the wants Of even the best professors of that art . The words are set . Hor. To notes my voyce can master ? Vic. Please you to read 'hem sir , and in requitall Of such a debt , my mayd shall sing 'hem for you . Enter Jacconetta . Jacconetta , observe this Dity . Hee Reades the Song . Let not the corrupted steame Of invective breach blaspheme , Ladies for those artfull graces Which they lay upon their Faces : Ceruse and Vermillion there As aptly may be layd . As ( to cover Nature bare ) All other parts be clad . Be wee sick in any part , Pain'd , or Lame , we seeke to Art , ( Nature's Rector ) to restore Vs , the strength we had before . Who can say a Ladies Face Lesse meriteth the cost , Or the priviledge , or grace Her other parts may boast ? Ladyes no , since Time may steale Natures bounty , learne to heale ; And with nimble hand repaire Teeth and Lips , Cheeks , Eyes and Haire ; Filling wrinkles , purling veynes : That unperceav'd may be Vpon your lookes , the stroakes and paines Of Age and Casualty . Vic. Now try your voyce , Maide . Jac. Sings . Hor. However 't was well Sung , you seeme to slight In such requitall , my esteeme of you : But yet there rests in me a quality , I may suppose not so to be requited . Please you command your Musick , I will Dance , To what you first shall name of latest practise . Vic. Your skill hath made you confident ; and I Do so much honour these endowments in you , That I my selfe will answer you in this . Name you the Dance sir . Hor. To come the closer to you , the Novella . Vic. I am but weakly practis'd yet in that . Hor. Some other then . Vic. No let it be the same . Goe play it Jacconetta , the Novella . Exit Jac. Hor. I doe begin to doubt my qualities Will not passe here in payment at the rate My schooling cost me , when shee repayes all I can bestow , in the same coyne againe : But since I 'm in , I 'le on , and make the best Both Face and Legs I can in 't . Dance . Hor. How like you it Lady ? Vic. For so much sir as you have excell'd me I crave your kind acceptance of my thanks . Hor. I still had rather you were pleas'd to accept Me and my whole deservings . I come to you . If you esteeme of Courtship , Language , Quality , Sorting a Gentleman of best degree , The Mixture of whose knowledge with his practise Cost thrice your golden Son ; let me and those Be made the meed of your most sweet enjoying . Vic. I will not make you such a loser sir , But rather wish you had your money againe Those excellencies cost . Hor. You doe not flout me Lady ? Vic. No , I 'le speake plainly sir , these qualities Might on some thriving Stage , and lucky legs Bring you your money againe , winning , perhaps , The love of some old Lady , by stirring up The embers of affection , rather lust . Hor. Did ever woman talke so ? Vic. But certes here They will not passe for ready money sir . Hor. I dreampt as much . Shee has a devillish wit. Vic. My curtesie si● forbids me bid you hence ; But having private businesse of my own I must crave leave to leave you to the thought Of what two thousand Duccats are . Exit . Hor. Be hand'd . Enter Paulo . Pau. Is it perform'd sir ? have you done the feat ? Hor. Pox o' your Fates . Pau. Just as the Musick playd I warrant you Sir , 't was a moving Lesson ; playd to th' life . We struck it home , that you might do so too . Hor. The Rogue , too , jeeres me ! sir I should doe well To strike , or beat your undeserv'd Fee Out of your bawdy Pocket . Pau. As if you had not done the doe you came for ! What pretty wayes can Gentlemen find out To save their moneys ! 'T is worth praise in some , That have but little , or come hardly by 't , By travaile , study , or laborious toyle , Deare shifts sometimes , and dangerous wayes with hazard — Hor. Very good ! Pau. But for you Gallants , that have , as it were Wealth above with borne with you , and still growing Up with you , past the reach of your expences ; And never sweat , but for your exercise , Or what your exercises bring you to ! For you to thinke your pleasures costly ; faine Excuse for petty fees , now the great charge Is paid , and your desire satisfied — Hor. No more . Pau. Alas sir , what is a poore Duccatoun After a thousand Duccats ? — Hor. Ha' you done ? Pau. Would you had not ; ' lesse my reward were better . See , see , the bed made smoth againe and all ! ( O precious craft ! ) as here had nothing been ! Well would yee were all as wise in greater matters . Hor. T is the Rogues humor : I will give him something For abusing me . There 's your Duccatoun To worke more affability in your Mistris Against my next approach . Pau. It seemes then yet You are not cloyd with her deliciousnesse . Hor. Nor had one tast ( I sweare by life and honour ) Of all my hopes , more then her Hand and Lips. Pau. Have you not in that a double meaning sir ? Hor. I vow , for ought I know shee is a virgin . Pau. Y'have satisfied me , and perhaps my art May in your absence worke a little for you . Hor. Thinke of me then . Pau. My profit pricks me to it . Hor. Respect it then , Adieu . Exit . Pau. Serviteur Monsieur . The feare of thee is past . I was almost In a cold sweat : but all the danger now , Lyes on the tother side o' th' house ; my Don My hot Goat-●ver'd Diego , should he now Discharge his Pistols on her , they would prove More forcible then Cannon-shot on me . Enter Pedro , Victoria . Faith quit me of suspect . How big hee lookes ! As if he scorn'd repulse . If he grow violent I 'le bring the Duchman in to coole his pride , And set them by the eares for our Low Countries . Exit . Ped. I have not in all Spaine ( where Majesty Enthroned sits upon the brow of beauty , And crowne the Ladies with prerogative 'Bove all the women of the Earth ) incountred With such a scorne , as here . Discourteous woman , Worthlesse and ignorant of the weighty trust Was tenderd to thee in my blood and honour . Vic. Your blood and honour , will not feed or cloath mee . Ped. I will not change a word more with a mouth So full of rudenes , and mechanick basenesse . Vic. Not upon my submission sir ? Ped. It must be great and sodaine if it move me . Vic. Hee lookes that I should kneele and beg a Kisse . Ped. Why seeke you not to expiate your trespasse By tender of your selfe to my embraces ? Vic. I cannot doe 't : My virgin Modesty Denyes that freedome . Ped. I 'le no more delay , I see t is only force must conquer you . Vic. You will not ravish me ! within there ! help ! Enter Paulo , Jacconetta . Pau. What! is the great some tender'd ? Doe you want hands to tell your money Mistris ? Vi. No , to take off the hands of Rape and Outrage This proud imperious Spaniard grip'd me with . Pau. Signior you must not gripe nor grope here Under the sum prefix'd ; two thousand Duccats . We have arithmetique to receave them by In your own Pistolets , or peeces of Eight In Rialls , if you please ; but not one single one To be abated , my most thrifty Don ; Whom I cannot abuse enough me thinks , I have seene one in your shape so well presented . Ped. Villaine , I 'le have thee whipp'd for this affront , Thy fault is punishable by the Law. Pau. Not in defence of honour deare Don Tarquin . Preventing Rape and Murder . Ped. Villaine die . He drawes Pistoll . Pau. Not at this distance sir , Besides here 's ayd . Enter Swatzenburgh . Swa. Hence you Muskitta . Give a look more this way I 'le force thee take thy wings out at the window . Ped. Borne down by Bravoes ! let the place protect ye , By my few minutes patience . My revenge Shall shortly speake in thunder . Swa. Hold your peace ; And vent not here your lowd Rodomontadoes Lest I spit lightning . Ped. Well si● I am silent . Pau. Be so my politique Don. This Hans has snapt her ; The Dutch man carries her from your great claime : And this may be an ominous portent Against your title to the Netherlands , It may hold in the great worke sir , as well As in this small assay . Ped. Abus'd and Jeer'd ! Pau. Nor they heare me not my noble Signior , I 'le tell you for your satisfaction This Alinanie is a you●ker that would marry her , And shee nor I durst beare it otherwise , ( Knowing by chance he slipp'd into the house , And overheard us ) when you come againe I will informe you further , you shall finde My information worthy of a fee. Ped Take from my hand a peece of foure Gazetts . Pau That 's three pence sterling , you are bounteous sir , So , now , looke bigge and vanish . Exit Pedro. Vic. I have not sir , in my short story strayd In the least sillable from truth , and were The eyes of all the world fix'd upon My seeming Levity , my mind should be Still constant as the center to that end Reserv'd in my free thoughts . Swa. Why was the sum , then , of two thousand duccats Proclaim'd the price of your virginity ? Vic. To keep the fl●sh flies off , you know my aime sir . Swa. I find the noble Lady ; nor can I Further attempt a breach upon your honor . Vic. Upon those termes I pray sir be my Guest , I have by this time a sl●ght Dinner staying . Swa. You favours make me bold . Vic. See all in readinesse Jacconet . Exit Jac. Swa. I 'le drinke a frolick Lady ; M●●th and good wine take me : My loose desire Is to chast love refin'd by Vesta's fire . Exit . Pau. Am I a prophet ? sure the Dutchman's tane In a chast snare indeed . I did but forge it For an excuse to calme and rid the Spaniard , And he seemes to prevent my fiction : yet Presumption shall not sway me . Womens wiles Are oft times past prevention , and men catch Sence of the wrongs , which to prevent they watch . Exeunt Omnes . ACT IV. SCENE I. Flavia , Astutta with a Letter . Ast . IF this move him not , nay prevaile not with him To the accomplishment of your desire , Would I were a man , both for your sake and his . Fla. What wouldst thou do ? Ast . First take away the cause Of your Greene-sicknesse by killing him ; then Cure you my selfe . Fla. What wonders thou wouldst doe ! Ast . I , if I were a Man and able to doe what I Now desire ( for I would have mine own desire still ) I would doe wonders indeed . Believe it Mistris , An able man that has but a weake womans desire Has an unknown thing ; and may doe any unknowne thing , for ought I know — Fla. I pray thee leave thy idle pratle , and let Me heare thy moving Letter . Ast . Heare it then , As your own Act and Deed , and quickly signe it . MY deare Francisco , If you intend not my death , helpe me to breake Prison this Night : Else tho' my Execution be appointed to morrow morning by a forc'd Marriage , I will prevent it by a speedier way , and by my own hand die , Yours and Love's Martyr . Here , write your Name . Fla. But thou hast set him down no meanes ▪ Ast. That 's in the Postscript , marke , The last minute that I will expect you shall be three in the morning , when from the back Window I will either fall into your Armes , or on my Death . Fla. I thank thee good Astutta . O that the messenger Would be as true to mee ! Ast . If we cannot win her to 't , t is but a Letter lost , How doe they ▪ that have whole pockets ●u●l of ▪ h●m In readinesse to borrow money ? Fla. I pray thee peace . Ast . Why I doe not thinke there 's any of 'hem within hearing . Fla. Thou dalliest with my feares . Ast . Fear it not M●stris , she is as sure at such a lift — And so shee 's come already . Enter Nanulo , Francisco , like a Pedler Woman with her Box. Nan. Look you Lady , I told you true , here is the Party , that has the Knacks and things ; come Open , open , and sh●w all . Fra Not before you good sit . Nan. Are you so coy of your toyes ? Fra. Your diligence were better somewhere else : This prying into womens businesses Is ill sir for your eye-sight , and perhaps May spoile your growth , Good Sir , I crave your absence . Nan. I must give way . Shee has a devilish tongue . Exit Ast . Mistris , shee 's for our turne I warrant you I finde it by her aptnes to abuse him . Fra. Come Mistris Bride , — Nay blush not , pretty one , To take the name one day before your time . Fra. I hate the Name , on those accursed termes , That have prefix'd the time . Good Astutta , Breake with her by your selfes ; I cannot speake : My teares forbid me . Ast . I hope you will not offer it . Fra. Come Mistris , see . What weep you , pretty one ? What! and the great good turne so near you ? ha ! What will she doe to morrow night ? Ast . Even cry out right perhaps . Fra. Perhaps so too ; and laugh as fast e're morning , Come Lady , come , hear me , and see my ware : T is from Fabritio , he , that noble Gentleman , Dos not your heart leap now ? Now but suppose French chaines here of five hundred crowns a peece ; A rich Pearle Neck-lace , Saphire and Ruby Bracelets ; Variety of Jewells , and a Diamond work — Fra. I hate their price and them , the Sender more . Ast . Pray peace . Fla. I cannot : let mee goe . Fra. Pray stay sweet Lady , I doe not say Frabritio sent such things , I said I came from him , that noble Gentleman . Fla. He is not noble . Fra. Judge him by his presents , And see the things he sends . Fla. I would not heare A mention of him ; much lesse would I see The least relation from his hated hands . Ast . Pray Mistris see ' hem ! Open your Box I pray . Fla. Had she there Lucrece ' Knife , or Portias coales , Or Cleopatra's ashes I could embrace ' em . Fra. Look you how near I fit you . See what 's here A halter a Knif a Viall . What a choyc● chaine is this ! and here 's a Knife , As sharpe as that of Lucrece . And , for coales , Here is a poisonous juice , whose every drop Would eat through Iron . These Fabritio sends you . Fla. I doe accept them . Fra. Stay ; conditionally If you refuse another present here . Fla. I must reject any from him but these . Ast. What a scorne 's this ! This Bawd nere scapes alive Out of these doors . Pray what 's ' your other pesent ? Fra. Here Lady , look on 't pray ; examine 't well . A Picture , And take or this or those . Fla. Ha! looke here Astutta ; The lively image of my love Francisco ! Ast . It is exceeding like him ! what 's the plot troe ? Fla. A thousand kisses shall thy welcome be , Happy resemblance of my hoplesse love ; As many thanks to you , good , vertuous Woman , O let me fall and blesse the ground that beares thee , And aske forgivenesse for my late rude trespasse . Fra. Recall your selfe , sweet Lady ▪ tender heart ! Fla. And could Fabritio ( I can name him now ) Shew me such Kindnesse , and himselfe so noble , To send mee this ? Fra. On this condition ( as I was to say ) That you embrace it in the memory Of him your Love , namely his friend Francisco , And that you ever love , and onely him . Fla Ever and onely ( though I thanke him for 't ) He need not have urg'd that . Ast . Nor threatned these ; ( Your Rope , here , and the rest ) had she refus'd , And to expresse their needlesses the better I pray returne them to him with great thanks . Fra. 'T was his great care to worke mee to this Message , Fla. Let then the charge be mine . Here 's forty duccats ▪ And could you but convey a Letter for me To my Francisco , take a hundred more . Fra. Knew you but my desire to further Lovers You need not bid so much . Give me the Letter . Fla. Seale it Astutta . Fra. Then you know me not I must be privy unto all I carry , Where I meet doubts , I never undertooke . Fla. Nay I dare trust you ( Read it if you please ) ▪ Fra Indeed you may . To wrong an innocence Reads it . So sweet as yours were sin inexpiable . Fla. But will you gi 't him Faith ? I never swore Nor urg'd a body to an oath before . Fra. T is given already Flavia. Hence disguise , More yet ? nay all shall off . Doe you know me yet ? Fla. O my Francisco ! Shee swounds . Fra. Curs'd be this ▪ idle habit In which my impious curiosity , To make a tryall of her constancy Hath wounded her so deepe with jealousy Of a mistrust in me , that now shee faints Under the passion ; and herhaps may die so , Flavia ! my Love ! O — Ast . Slight what meane you si● ? Fra. By all the blisse that a true Lover wishes — Ast . Will you hold your peace ? Fra. By all the oathes and practises of Lovers — Ast . Will you undoe all now ? Fra. I was not jealous of thy constancy , Flavia ! my Love , my Life ! my Flavia ▪ Ast . Will you lose all you came for with your clamor ? Fra. Help me ; for Love's sake helpe to make her speak , Or but looke up ▪ Ast . Wou'd you could old your peace ; Whilst I looke down to scape discovery , Shee 'l come to her selfe againe , and you too ; feare not T is but a qualme of kindnes , this . Fla. Francisco — Ast . Shee comes already . Fra. Speake my Flavia. Ast . Pray doe you peace . Handle her handsomly , And then all shall be well I warrant you , You doe not know the danger , noyse and nakednesse May pull upon you , should the Rogue Dwarfe overheare you , we were all blowne up , Which to prevent , all husht while I goe down . Exit . Fra. Be cheard my Love , I came to rescue thee ; And hir'd this habit and the Pedlers craft ; Prayd for her absence , and her silence too , And caus'd a Gondalo wait at the back dore In case I might surprise thee ▪ Pray take comfort . Fla. You need not bid , nor wish it in these armes , Who ever praye's for those in Paradise ? Bell rings . Ay me ! How soon my feares controule my blisse ? I have blasphem'd in my security , And terror threats my downfall into torment . Enter Astutta . Ast . Out , out alas my Master in all hast — Fra. What shall we doe ? Ast . It is too late to aske , Or now to d'on your Pedlers weeds againe : Gather 'em up and fly into your closet , Dresse him up there ▪ Stay not to look about ye . Exit Fra. Fla. I 'le doe my best to keepe him back a little . Enter Guadagni , and Nanulo . Gua None else to speake with mee ? Nan. None but the merchantesse to fit my Mistris , Signior Fabritio sent . Gua. I thanke his care . I see that all goes well . No crosse but one , That I forgot a writing , which in ●●●● I am constrain'd to fetch . Now where 's my ●●●l● ? Ast . Above sir , busy with the daintiest things , That er'e allur'd a virgin into wedlock ▪ Out with your purse sir , for you cannot see 'hem , But they will ravish you to large expence : Besides sir , 't will be fit you give her something , Coming so jumpe as 't were into the Market . Gua. I will not see ' em . Put the woman by Into the Gallery , or somewhere remote , Quick , quick , dispatch . Ast . You shall not need to urge it . Exit . Gua. No , no : my cost is amply shown already : And will be more , before the Wedding 's over . Without a needlesse wast in Gawds and Trifles , One ring● See who 's at doore . Exit Nan. A fathers care consists not in expence That is not qualified with providence . Enter Nanulo . Nan. Signior Pantaloni , sir sends after you He and your advocates expect you in hast To bring away the Writing . Gua. Say I am comming . Exit . Ast. What have you done with him ? Enter Flavia , and Astuita above . Fla. Our hast and feares could not find time to dress him But I have lock'd him up into that presse . Ast . Your Father 's coming up to seek a writing , Pray Love it be not there . Fla. I am undone then . Ast . Well hold your peace , looke bold and chearfully , And be you silent , youth : nor cough , nor stink ; Nor let your feare run forth in streames of urine To make him thinke his Aqua vitae spilt . Gua. Where are you Flavia ? Within . Fla. O me he comes ! Ast. Why speake you not ? Gua. Flavia. Ast . You were best betray all with your sillinesse . Gua. Why Flavia I say ? Ast . Here father , here sir , You will not I shall answer for you when hee 's here ? Come , look as nothing were , all will be nought else . Beare up hee comes . Enter Guadagni above . Gua. T is here that I would have thee Flavia. Give me the Key of this presse here . Fla. O Father , Father — Shee falls . Gua. What 's the matter ? ha ! Ast . Alas poore heart ! you know sir , in her infancy , You beat her once for losing of a Key : For which shee trembles still , being ask'd in hast . Are you a child still in your feares , and must Bewed to morrow ? Fy , fy upon you , Shee thinks shee has lost it , but I saw her look it Togither with a writing which you dropt Out of this presse this morning , safe enough Here in her Cabinet . Gua. T is like I let it fall . Ast . Where is your Key of this ? Give mee 't , give mee 't . How hast and feare perplexes her ! I could Have pickt it open . Gua. Doe , or break it open . Shee lets the Cabinet fall out of the Window . Ast . Ay me the fruits of rashnes ? See , t is fallen With all her Jewells and your writing too Into the street . O my unlucky hand ! Gua. Peace giddy headed harlot , watch that none Take it away , while I runne to recover 't , Nanulo , Nanulo . Exit . Ast . Will you be nimble yet to finde a way By the back-dore into the Gondalo . While I lock him and 's man into the street ? I know their hast will leave the Keyes i'th'dore . Quickly unpresse him ; and take as much gold As you can carry , I 'le along w' ye too . Stay not to think , or thank me for my wit. Fla. What shall we say ? Ast . Do as you are bidden , and say nothing . Fra. Lovers shall saint thee ; and this day shall be For ever callenderd to Love and thee . Exit . Enter a Zaffie , taking up the Cabinet , to him Nicolo in a Zaffies habit . Gua. Nanulo ! The Key to let me forth . Within . Zaff. St. Marke and fortune make it a good prize . Nic. Hands off Sir , that 's not yours . Zaff. Nor yours I am sure . Nic. Halfe part then brother Zaffi . Gua. The Key I saw . Zaff. Sir you are none o th' Zaffi . Gua Villaine slave ! come open the dore . Zaff. How came you by this habit ? Nic. Perhaps to trie sit how it will become me When I have a minde to be as very a Knave 〈…〉 ffice as your selfe , But shall we sl●p 〈…〉 , and share , before the dog that owes it ●●●e the bone from us both ? Enter Guadagni , Nanulo . Gua. I feare you can be quicker in my absence . Nan The fault was in your hast sir . Gua. Took you not up a Cabinet , friends ? Nic. Zaff N●t we sir , we saw none . Gua. O you watch well above there . Nan. This fellow has it under his coat sir . Zaff But who shall know 't for yours sir ? Nic. May we be bold to aske what marks it has , Or what 's within it ? Gua. I 'le have you ear-mark'd Villaines for your theft , Know you not me ? Zaff. I cry your worship mercy , and am glad I was your instrument to preserve this treasure From this false counterfet . Nic. Fortune has sent my master to relieve me . Enter Pantaloni Checquino , Prospero . Pan. Signior Guadagni our Councell have thought fit , For better confirmation of our act , That it be past here in your Daughters presence Together with my Son , whom I have sent for , Why doe you seeme thus mov'd ? Gua. An accident hath crost me . Look you sir , You have authority ; Here 's a Counterfet ( Deserves examination ) would have rob'd me . Nic. I sav'd you sir from being rob'd . Heare me aside Sir — Nicolo whispers Pant. Gua. Carry this in ; and send away the woman He gives the Cabinet to Nan. who knocks at dore . Nic. Now do you know me I have done the feat . Pan. Hast treated with the Hangman Nicolo ? Nic. The Carnifex is fitted for your service , In a most gorgeous hab●t of a Dutchman , And about five i' th' evening will be with her . Nan. Astutta ! Madona Flavia ! Astutta ! Gua. What 's the matter there ? Pan. The best jest , ha , ha , ha . Nan You 'l open the dore ? Gua What 's that ? Pan. It will be mirth to morrow at our feast To laugh our bellies full . Nan. I am sure you heare me Foole me , but not my master : he is here . Gua. Why stay you there sirrah ? Pan. I let him go● : a merry harmelesse fellow I 'le answer for him . Hence , away , and shit you . And quickly send my Son. Exit Nic. Nan. The dore is fast sir , and they will not heare mee . Gua. I feare I am undone . Flavia , Astutta , ko● ! T●s so , t is so , some Robbers are slipt in , And now make havoc● of my goods and Daughter . Pan. It is no dallying Run and fetch a Smith Ex. Nan. To force the Lock . Gua. Astutta , Flavia ! O this cursed chance I feare will ruine me and all my hopes . Enter Pedler woman . How came you hither ? Ped. Sir by good appointment To bring Bride-laces , Gloves , and curious Dressings To deck your Daughter on her Brideale-day , To morrow as I weene , holds it I pray ? Gua. Were you not here before , and in the house ? Ped. If you could put it off sir one day longer I could so fit her with new fashiond tires That shee should thanke me . Gua : I fear a new , and further secret mischief . Nanulo above . Nan. Hence let me fall to earth ; I may not see My Masters fury rise out of his ruine . Gua. How gotst thou thither ? Nan. By the back-dore which I found widely open . O sir your Daughter — Gua. Ravish'd or murderd is shee ? Nan. Worse , worse , by far sir , shee is conveyd hence The Neighbours from the windowes o're the way Saw her , the Mayd , and a young Man take boat . They guesse it was Francisco . Pan. How , how , how ! Nan. Loaden with Caskets sir . Here 's his Deceptio visus , The ●●●●ed cl●ak , that charm'd my honest care ; N●● ▪ show ▪ And here 's his jugling Bo● . What toyes are these ! the habit , the cor● ▪ &c. Gua. O me accursed wretch . Enter Nicolo . Nic. O sir , your Sonne ! Pan. Where is he ? speake . Nic. Sir , no where to be found In private let me tell you , he slipt forth At foure i' th' Morning ; sir , when you and I Were you know where . He cast forth doubtfull words Of a vagary he would fetch at Rome . Pan. We both are wrought upon by hellish Magick . Gua. Devills are in this plot . Chec Pros . Thinke you of Devills ? Pan. Though you sirs , being Lawyers , think there 's none VVe may both thinke there are , and fear ' em . Chec. Forbear such talke ; and think upon the ●●irth , The jest you have in hand against to morrow . Pan. Sir , use your jerks and quillets at the bar . Gua. Cast there your petulant wit on misery . Chec. Sir , you mistake , my counsell is to comfort , Be not dejected , but seeke speedy way To circumvent the wit has wrought upon you . Gua. Good sir , your best advise . Chec. First charge this officer Here , with this woman ; who by'examination May make discovery — Ped. I can discover nothing but my ware sir , Nor part with that for lesse then ready money . Pan. Take her to custody . Zaff. Mistris come with me . Ped. VVhither ? for what ? Zaff. You shall know that hereafter . Ped. VVhat can I discover ? Pan. Away with her . Ped. VVhat can I discover ? Exit Zaff. Ped. Chec. Into your house sir now , and secure that ; Come , recollect your selfes , call home the strength Of your approved judgements , wee 'l assist you . Pros . You must be soddaine too in this your pursuit ; Advise and do at once , use no delay ; The speediest course is now the safest way . Exeunt Om. ACT IV. SCENE II. Fabritio like the glorious Dutchman , Horatio ▪ Piso . Fab. FOund you the Fort , then , so impregnable ? Hor. Against all force of armes , or braines . Pi. No way but by the down-right composition Of the two thousand Duccats to be enter'd . Fab. Sure t is some noble wench then you imagine , But my disguise shall put her to the test . Hor. I 'm sure she jeerd me out of my Monsieurship . Fab. Did she , and all thy fine french qualities ? Pis. And is as like to make a skitter brooke Of you in your Dutch slops . For if she be not , After all this , a cunning whore , i 'me couzen'd . Hor. Shee lives at a good rate how ere maintaind . Pi. The secret way , man , by her commings in Too common among women for their livings , I 'le not believe her wit and feature are Allyed to honesty . Fab. Thou art no worshipper of faire women Piso . Pi. No , If I worship any of 'hem more Then in the Knee-trick , that is necessary In their true use let me be ●unuchiz'd . Looke here 's your fathers Pimpe againe . Hor. Now Nicolo ? Nic. S●w you my young Master Gentlemen ? Hor. Yes there he stands , transl●ted out of sober Italian into high Dutch. Nic. I sweare he was past my reading , Slight , he appeares as like the noted Almaine Late come to town , if he had but his beard — Fab. How like you this for a beard ? Nic. Most excellent ! But pray take heed your stay spoyle not the purpose Of your disguise . Fab. Why what news Nicolo ? Nic. Your Father is in busy quest of you . Fab. Then he dos misse me ? Nic. Pray Phaebus he misse as much of Madnesse , He and his vertuous brother old Guadagni , Who misses too his Daughter . Francisco has her . Hor. Has he got her off ? Nic. And shee has got him on by this time : they Are silly fooles else . Pi. Hymen be their speed . Nor. But how I pray thee scap'd they ? Nic. First , sir , know There 's a strange fellow without desires to speake w 'yee I guesse hee is some Bravo . Hor. A Bravo speake with me ? Nic. Yes , and inquires here for my Master too , And Signior Piso , you are all known it seemes . Pi. Come leave your fooling . Nic. By mine Eares t is true . Hor. Goe call him in , I feare no Knavery . Pi. Your lodging protects me . Fab. My disguise me . Puts on his false beard . Enter Nicolo , Paule . Nic. This is the Gentleman . Pi. T is the proud Bra●●es whiske ! Pau. I cry you mercy si● , are you Signior Horatio ? I tooke you sir this morning for a Monsieur . I thanke you for my Duccatoun . Hor. What! Is shee come about ? Has shee sent for mee ? Pau. Good sir ! are you here too ? I thank you sir , You payd me your entrance , but no pa●●ing fo● . Pi. Prithee deserve no be●●ing ●ill thou hast done Thy errand . What dost come for ? Pau. Sir , to intreat this Gentleman to bring With him one Signior ●is● , and F●britio — Beyond my hopes ! Good ●ir , are you here too ? Fab. This is a Devill ! could he know me else That nere saw him before ; in this disguise ? Pau. Cry mercy ●ir : you would not these should know Nor shall they ( I feare it not ) but h●●k you sir . Nic. What Familiare these ●awd● are . They 'l talke yet Thus to Lords in private . Pi. Sure he takes him for the Dutch loggerhead We saw to day in the Piazz● . Hor. So would any man : Hee has hit his shape so right . Pau. I am sure I rejoyce in these Dollors , that you Give me to day , and are as ●●●●●ine , that My Mistris wish'd a better dinner for you For frighting of the Spaniard with your fireworks . But , by your strangers it seemes you repent The Marriage offer that you made my Mistres . Fortune direct you to no worse a wife , And so I leave you to your choyce . Fab. I have found the error , and will make good use ●●'t . Hor. Your businesse then is to that strangers sir — Pau. Only your selfe , and briefly from Francisco . Hor. Francisco ! where ? Pau. Where but at our house sir ? he and his Bride Craving your company and those Gentlemen I nam'd unto you . Pau. For no disparagement unto their worths , sir , But private reasons yet unknown to me Wherein you shall be satisfied at your comming , Hor. But are they Married ? Pau. I brought the Priest to 'em : And saw them lawfully coupled , and before Sufficient witnesses , that saw 'em chamberd , Shee was his own Church-sure before I left ' ●m , And he has made her Cock-sure , sir by this time , Or else he is a Bungler . Hor. Goe I 'le follow thee . Piso is here . Pau. But where is that Fabritio ? Pi. Wee 'l finde him too . J●g you sir on before : You are no street companion for us . Pau. I am gone sir — Exit . Hor. You have heard all Fabritio ; what d●● thinke on 't ? Fab. Nothing ; nor nothing will till I arrive There at the full knowledge of all together . Pi. But prithe● hang thy Ha●gman● project now , And beare us company in thine own shape . Fab. Not for the price of the Novella Piso . I 'le try her to the quick . You 'l give me leave To make prize of her if I can , I crost not you . Hor. We wish you safe aboard sir . Fab. On before then . Exit Hor. Piso . Now Nicolo ; your disguise againe oth Zaffi . Nic. O , it is ready ; and I know my quue . Fab. Who see me , in this straine , seeme to outstrip The bounds of filiall duty , let ( withall ) Their observation , by my just ends , gather , T is not to lose , but to recall a father . ACT V. SCENE I. Victoria , Francisco , Flavia , Astutta , Jacconetta . Vic. NOw Lady , has your entertainment pleas'd you In the Novella's house ? is all well yet ? Fla. So well , that now come Father Friends , and all The friendly Foes that did oppose my blisse I can maintaine my cause in these safe armes ' Gainst all their Frownes and Furies . Vic. And your Mistris is over , too ▪ I hope sir The place is not so dangerous as it was . Fra. Lady your noblenesse shown in this great bounty , Hath not alone wip'd off my foule suspition : But scor'd upon my breast an endlesse summe Of thanks ; which I , unable to discharge , Must not presume to live , but as your Creature ; Nor will I further dare to tempt your goodnesse In deeper search of what your reason was ( Past all my hopes and wishes ) to provide For me ; I will not sum in such a scruple ▪ For sure , I hold you for a power Divine ( Past all the fictions of the fabulous times Fashioning out the Gods in earthly formes ) Sent by the highest providence to helpe me . Vic. You take too deepe a sense of curtesie ! But see , are these your friends ? Enter Paulo , with Horatio , and Piso . Fra. And let me beg Your suffrage Lady , I may bid them welcome . Vic. Your Bride and I will both supply you in it . Neither of these is he they call Fabritio ? Pau. No , but hee 's sent for ; and comes instantly . Exit Fra. This is the Lady I am bound to serve . Hor. And I to honour . Vic. Setting aside your suit sir . Hor. I cannot promise that . Vic. And I doe wish I had her double price in ready Duccats , For what she has done , and tother doe besides . Vic. You still stand in your good conceit of me . Pi. Yes , and I would so stand to'● , ha — Vic. You are a merry Gentleman . Fra. I will not whisper it , Horatio , The woman that I dealt with for disguise Was wrought before by this most matchlesse Lady To crosse the Match twixt Flavia and Fabritio ; And had undone it though I had done nothing , And ere she would condition with me , Oblig'd me , by an oath , ( in case we scap'd ) To bring her hither to this Ladies house . I kept that oath , and here you find us welcom'd . Pi. Then thou hast done 't , would I had still the Duccats To pledge thee here . Enter Paulo , whispers with Victoria . Vic. Wee 'l talke of that hereafter . Pi. What acted you , Tit , in this Comedy ? Ast . The Chambermayde , a kind of putter forwards , Sir , to the businesse . Fra Shee has done so well , That , if a Match in Venice may be found By my best care , I 'le helpe her to a Husband , For shee deserves a good one . Ast . And if he prove not so , I am like to prove A good one my selfe , and make him something . Pi. Thou wilt , I find it in a villanous cast Of that eye there . Hor. And what thinke you of this ? By Jacconetta . Pi. Even such another , of another hue , Shee has a devilish gloat too . Vic. Gallants , I find you merry , y' are more welcome : My man acquaints me with a present businesse Requiring privacy . Please you , with your friends Goe up to the Bride-chamber . There is musick . Waite you respectively . To Jac. Hor. Wee 'l all observe you Lady . Exeunt . Pi. But Lady , if you receive the Duccats Before you come to us , pray bring our shares , Wee all connive you know . Vic. Pray be not jealous , Follow your Friends , I 'le follow you streight way . Ex. Pi. How dreames he of this money ? he knows nothing , An English Factor , say you Borgio ? Pau. Yes Mistris , a brave fellow . Vic. And is he so well money'd as to spare Out of his Masters trust , so great a summe ? Pau. Oh hee 's a master here himselfe . They are Abroad , the royalist Nation of the World. What rich Venetian Rarity has not The English Money-masters purchac'd from Princes and States , to beare home as their triumphs ? And for their pleasures — but I 'le say no more ; Hee thinks I stay too long for him to wait Without , with so much money . Vic. Didst thou see'● ? Pau. Most brightly shining ! Hee 's now telling it In the next roome ! He comes not to tender The value of it in fine qualities Like your suppos'd Monsieur : but in cash ! Cash ! cash of Gold ! Oh t is a tempting sight ; Able to damne a Noble womans honour . What 's your descent ? But poore I make no question ; Why , this will set you up and make you noble . Vic. This way of his might serve to turn the blood That has but any tincture of good in it From touching such a bait , yet he thinks now He spurres me to it . But Bravo I will fit you . Goe call him in , goe . Pau. Now my Blood and Braine , Be strong and sodaine , stay . Vic. Why stop you Borgio ? Pau. To see him weigh his gold . Oh dainty sight ! He brought his weights in 's pocket : just Gentleman He will be sure you shall not want a graine Of your full price of sweet damnation . Vic. Hee 's doing no such thing . Pau. No , no , I have it now . Vic. I pray thee goe , thou knowst not how the thought Of so much gold , and the conceit o' th' Maydenhead Lost i' the house to day sets my virginity On edge now to be going . Pau. Are you so ready ? then I fly . Enter above , Piso , Horatio . Vic. What ayles the fellow troe ! Pi. I must yet have an eye upon this female To quit my jealousy , or catch her i' th' nick . Hor. Here we may see , and heare all undiscover'd . Pi. Watch close , he comes . Enter Swatzenburg , like a Marchant with a full Bagge . Swa. By your leave Lady , I come not a pure Sutor ( VVith studyed Oratory ; nor addresse a Sonnet , Or trifling Love-toyes to perswade admittance By slow degrees into your inmost favour ) But a rich purchacer , that brings , at once , The golden Summe , and Price of your enjoying . Here precious Beauty , made by this more precious ! Take your full due , and render readily The full tuition of my wealthy purchace . Vic. Now vertue guard me . Pi. VVhat 's that ? Hor. Shee invokes vertue . Swa. Ha! why this delay ? Let not the glorious sight of this amaze you , Though it be granted , sodaine apprehension Of such bright blessings may transport a soule Into high raptures , when it is considerd , The Ornament of youth , the strength of age , Lifes great maintainer , Lady , let not this At all transmute you . For I 'le bring supplies That shall so frequently acquaint you with Such sights as these , that you shall grow regardlesse Even of the care to keepe them , in respect Of the delicious pleasure brings them in : Delay not therefore that high purchac'd pleasure , That brings this to you , by a Minutes losse To make it fully yours . Vic. Sir I have heard you : Enter Paulo behinde with pistolls . And now must let you know , t is not the sight Of that your glorious summe can take my wonder ; Much lesse my love or person : my amazement Is , that a man , that beares his Makers shape , Indued with reason , to direct and governe That goodly fortune ; and has such treasure given him ( Besides his greater blessings of the mind By well desposing of it ) to advance This worth in deeds of vertue , should descend Below the sense of Beasts , to part with that , Allotted for his livelyhood and honour To wast it , and himselfe in beastiall Lust . Swa. How 's this ? Pi. I know not what to make o'th is wench . Shee preaches me thinks : Vic. Besides sir , were it well examin'd , The golden summe you tender is , perhaps , None of your proper own : I understand You are anothers Factor , I presume In all your Catalogue of Merchandise You finde no warrant to buy Maydenheads . Is such a thing in all your bills of Lading ? They are no way transportable ▪ tho' you allow For fraught and leakage halfe the worth ; and lesse Returnable by way of exchange . How can You take up a virginity in Venice , And make a London payment of it , on Sight of your bill , or six or ten dayes after ? Pi. Good ! Swa. Nay then you dally with me , and I must Deale plaine and briefly with you . Here 's the price , And either render me my just demand , Or I shall take for your disgrace an order Shall spue you forth the City . Vic. Now I feare I am insnar'd . I have but one way left To fly from shame , or fall to utter Ruine . Pi. I begin to suspect her honest . Swa. Your answer Gentlewoman . Vic. Gentle sir , The Law hath made me yours . And I have now No Court but Conscience to relieve me in . Kneels Swa. What may this meane ? Vic. If the strong passion of a Virgin soule , Exprest in bitterst teares , move not your pitty , This shall prevent your cruelty . A Knife Pi. Shee 'l prove honest o' my life . Swa. What meane you Lady ? Vic. Keepe at that distance sir , and you shall know : Come nearer , and I will not live to tell you . Swa. Pray rise and speak your story : yet I tell you , I hold it very strange , that so much money And such a one as I ( none of th' unhandsomst ) Should not goe down with a young wench , and one Of the profession you pretend to be of Before cold Iron ! Me thinks most unnaturall . Thinke better yet before you utter further . Vic. Indeed I may not . Swa. Well , well , on then . Vic. T is true , I am indeed a meere pretender To the profession you suppos'd me of ; A spotlesse Virgin ( by my utmost hopes ) And will remaine so till I am a Bride . Pi. Too honest to be a woman ! Swa. Why tooke you this deceiving habit then ? Vic. I am about to tell you for your pitty , I am a Romane borne , of good discent ; My father noble ( of the Candiani ) How ere decay'd in fortune , ere he dyed ; Which drew on my Misfortune : For , being betroth'd Unto a wealthy heire , here , of this City , Who so journ'd then in Rome , his covetous Father Rav●shd his faith from me , to give 't another ; And calld him hastily from Rome to Venice . I followd him , in hope to crosse the Match . And so regaine him ; towards which already , I have done something . Pi. Fabritio's wench my life on 't . Swa. VVhat in this habit , as a Curtezan ? Vic. Not without good advise : For , by this meanes I draw the eyes of all the youthfull Gentry , Not without hope to gaine a sight of him . My price and port keepe back inferiour persons . Nor lose I honour by it : For the strictnes Of our Italian censure gives a virgin , That held familiarity with any Man , By way of Marriage treaty , and then forsaken , Lost in repute ; shee is no honest woman Untill that man doe vindicate her honor . Swa. But should hee finde you here , what were his censure ? Vic. Here he should find what his disloyalty Had wrought me to ; and should restore me firme On my first basis , or exchange a life For mine ere we would part . Swa. This sounds yet well . Pau. I 'le trust thee now . Thou art a noble wench , Thou hadst kiss'd Death by this else . Now I 'le trust thee . Exit . Vic. If he were lost by Marriage of another , I would remove with such a testimony Of my reserved honour ( in despight Of this my outward carriage , for my ends ; Maugre the sterne construction of my countrey ) That strangers should receive me ; and some one More noble then himselfe — Swa. Take you to wife ? Vic. I should not doubt . Swa. T is done , and I am he that does it . Vic. I cannot sir , but kindly take your offer : But , if my first love faile me , there is one , A noble German , that commenc'd his suit To me this day . Swa. I am he too Lady — Looke well upon me That in this shift , reducing of my beard , VVith this supply of money came to try you , I finde you noble , and above it , honest . Pi. This is the German that Fabritio apes . Hor. And he should come now . Enter Jacomo to them above . Jac. Gentlemen forbeare ; Indeed it is not civill in you to pry beyond Your hospitable usage , pray forbeare . Hor. T is timely chidden wench , we will obay thee . Jac. Besides the Bridegroome , and the Bride expect you . Pi. O ha they done we come , we come . Exit . Hor. Pi. Vic. This jealous tryall now of yours ( how ere You have exprest strong arguments of love ) Has not augmented you in my affection . Swa. O say not so sweete Lady , I 'le redeeme it . Vic. I cannot yet believe you are the Man , You are so chang'd from what you seem'd to day , Must the minde alter with the outward habit ? Enter Paulo . Pau. Mistris the German — Vic. Here he is man , he sayes . Pau. I say he is without , and craves to see you . Vic. How can this be ? or who can I believe ? Pau. Good sir depart and make roome for your selfe Your proper selfe to enter the Dutch Prince . Swa. I tell thee I am he , and here already , I am Swatzenberg . Pau. Yes in your tother beard sir . Hans Snortanfart , are you not ? well I can but warn you , If you will needs stand to the taking off A mans good name from him before his face , Then take what followes , I will fetch him in Mistris , you were best be out of sight a while : Your presence with this stranger may whet up his fury To cut all our throats else . Vic. I 'le take your councell . Exit . Pau. For sir I 'le tell you , if you had but seene How he worried a Spaniard to day , you would Have beene able at your returne to make As many of your Countreymen , as thrive By serving of the States to laugh ifaith . Swa. I tell thee I am he ; 't was I that chac'd The Spaniard hence . Pau. I tell you yet againe You were best be gone before the He indeed Come in to chace you after him . Swa. I 'le stand the hazard . Pau. See his impatience pulls him in already . Enter Fabritio in the Germans habit . Fab. Where is this Lady ? Dos her beauty flie me ? Pau. Shee is at hand , but first here is a stranger , A most strange stranger that sayes he is you sir . Swa. Was oder wer bistu ? Bistu ein Deutscher ? Sag mihr in was ort Du gelebst hast ? Fab. Who 's this ? Swa. Ich denke du bist ein heuchler ; bistu aber ein Deutscher so anwort mihr in deutscher sprach . Fab. Good sir speake in the proper language of The Nation we are in , though it come brokenly From you that this good fellow here may understand us . Swa. Thou son of impudence , and imposture , speake ; What is thy end in this ? Fab. Thinke what thine owne must be , thou son of slander . Swa. Precious counterfeit ! But I am weaponlesse , and must fetch strength Of officers to right me . Exit . Fab. What dos your shame remove you sir ? Pau. What can this Rascall meane ? Swa. I care not honest fellow , where 's thy Mistris ? Good Angells guard me . Enter Victoria . Pau. Dos shee fright you sir ? Fab. I aske thee for thy Mistris , the Novella . Pau. What appeares shee to you ? Fab. Thou powerfull man in Magick , I will tell thee . Th' hast rays'd an apparition , that has damn'd thee Blacker , then thy black art ; nay hell it selfe . Pau. Blesse us ! more madnesse yet ! Fab. The heavenly spirit , that inspir'd this forme , ( When the unworthy world enjoyd her being , VVhich thou hast conjur'd into this lewd habit ) Has , at this instant won the powers above To sinke thee and thy for●erers . Pau. VVhat may you meane ? Here is no forcery , This woman's Flesh and Blood. Fab. I would not dare to try to be the Duke . Pau. You may depart , pray hinder not the house . Fab. Hadst thou but seen , as I have , one like her , And noted the divinity in her lookes ( Although in those adulterate incitements Shee seemes to wear ) she would have struck thy soule VVith fervent adoration , not base lust . Pau. I know not what to say to ' him . Bell rings . Vic. See who rings . Exit Paulo . VVhat divine creature , sir , was that you mention'd ? Fab. I dare to name her to thee , though thou be Her incens'd Ghost , to worke me to despaire , It was Victoria . Vic. This sounds most strangely ! Have you beene at Rome sir ? Fab. 'T was there I saw and lov'd her . Vic. Answer me pray sir , why could not this fall In your discourse to day , when I rel●ted My Life and Fortune to you ? why do you start ? I am no shadow ; but suspect you rather , To be not as you seeme , the noble German That vowd me love , dos that too startle you ? See sir , to prove I am no aery spirit , I 'le trust your hand ( if you be mortall substance ) VVith so much flesh and blood as may resolve you . Fab. I find t is she , and having found her thus Shee 's lost for ever , and my selfe no l●sse , That was the cause of this her desperate fortune . Vic. VVhat 's that you say ? what aile you sir ? how i st ? And what moves thy destraction ? Borgio , speak . Enter Paulo . Pau. Horror and shame invades us , all the house Is round beset with officers . The Magistrates , Are entring now , for what , or whom they search I cannot guesse , unlesse this be some Murderer Slipt in , to draw our lives in question . Vic. Deale plainly sir , what are you ? hee 's stupified ! Pau. The Spanyard 's with 'hem too that took th' affront By the supposed Dutchman here to day ; And he that fain'd himselfe to be that Dutchman Desires their aid against this unknown person . Enter Pantaloni , Pedro , Guadagni , Swatz . Prospero , Checquino , Zaffi , Pedler-woman . Gua. This is the house you say . Ped. And this is the Gentlewoman . Gua. Give me my Daughter , Harlot . Vic. Here 's no such creature , here sir , if she be Your Daughter , this woman directed hither , Shee is no Harlot , but an honest Bride ; Lawfully wed and bedded ; as may appeare By the strong testimony of divers friends : Call them all downe . Exit Paulo . Pant. Unheard-of impudence ! Are Bawdes , and VVhores Fit Matchmakers for Magnificoe's Daughters ? Vic. Speake lower , or at home sir , you know not VVhat we are : Harke you sir — your last nights triall Did not enough informe you . Pant. VVe shall know more anon ; I' th' meane time what are you ? Fab. A stranger sir . Pant. VVe shall know more of that anon too . Ped. This is the stranger , that affronted me ; ' Gainst whom I crave your Justice . Pant. You shall know more anon too . Swat. And this is my Abuser . Pant. You also shall know more anon . Gua. You are well met Gentle-woman — I gave you lost . Enter Paulo , Francisco , Piso , Horat , Flavia , Astutta , Jacconetta . Ast . VVhat will you whimper now ? will not marriage Make you bold , that makes so many impudent ? Shee was not lost sir ; nor in danger of losing , Shee was but mislayd a little , as your VVriting was to day . Pi. VVell said my chattring Magpy . I will side thee . Gua. Audacious strumpet that seduces my Daughter . Pi. You are Mistaken , shee did but wait upon her . Ast . Right sir , and did but duty I 'le be sworne . Ped. Nor I , I will be sworne . Gua. Not , in consenting to the stealth ? Ped. It was my duty sir for the reward , VVee all would live you know . Gua. VVill you be gone ? Ped. I hope I am discharg'd : for looke you sir , I brought you where you finde your Daughter safe . Gua. Begone I say . Ped. No whit the worse for wearing , as they say . Gua. Goe thrust her out of dores . Ped. At my owne liberty I hope . Gua. How thou wilt to be rid of thee . Ped. May you see your Childrens , Childrens , Childrens , Children . Exit . Pant. And thou misledst my Sonne , I aske him of thee . Pi. You shall know more of that anon sir . Pant. Out-brav'd and scornd by Strumpets , Bawds , and Bravoes ! Call in the Officers . Pi. And call the common Hangman if you please , And end all 'mong your selfes , if your grave wisdomes , And Lawyers , here , can find one guilty person VVee 'l all submit our necks to you . Horatia and Francisco , &c. talke aside with Fabritio and Victoria . Gua. T is boldly spoken . Pi. I will speake but truth . And you , opposing it , shall wrong the dignity You beare i' th' City , to your utter shames . This Gentleman and your Daughter were contracted , Your selfe a willing witnesse ; your Son likewise Unto a noble virgin ( Sir of whom You shall know more anon ) It pleas'd diviner providence to take From eithers chosen mate their earthly fortunes ; Yet each had person , blood , and vertue left Above the value of a Princes dowry . VVould you so Kick at heaven then , in despight Of its great Ordinance , as to force your children , To forfeit both their faiths , thereby to lose The never-fayling hope of future blessings , To pull withall a curse on your own heads , That could no lesse then ruine your estates , And render you most wretched in your dotage , Past helpe or hope how to relieve your selfes : Your consciences still groaning underneath The lashes that your Childrens bastard issue Should lay upon you ? more , you may consider — Pant. We doe consider sir , this place and people No fit receipt for warrantable businesse . Pi. This was no bawdy talke sir , nor have I Heard worse from any mouth in this free place Till your arrivall here . Vic. I cannot be so happy . Aside . Fran. Let her see your face . Aside . Vic. O my Fabritio — Aside . Pan. You see the worst of us , I should be loath Any unwarrantable act should passe among us . Gua. Thou lookst like one indeed of upright Conscience ! Pau. And for the Marriage sir , it is as lawfull As if your selfe had given her in St. Marks . I 'le fetch the Priest t' avouch it . Gua. Fetch that Priest . Paulo joynes in conference with Victoria and Fabritio . Pan. But I 'le be so reveng'd Upon this instrument , this unknowne Trull here — Hor. Our Eares and Eyes , Fabritio , witnesse for her . Fab. You have told me wonders , Yet with such faith as I shall ever wish Lockt in this heavenly Cabinet I take all . Pi. You may Fabritio , for as I prize Life ; Honour 'bove that ; and above both thy friendship , My soule is not assur'd of firmer truth , Let thy Dutch habit drinke off jealousy , And take her to thee . Fab. 'T is done my Piso . Vic. And I made happy past my height of hopes . Kiss . Pant. Good , you shall see how I shall coole those Kisses . Pau. May I say boldly you are man and wife ? Fab. Vic. We are most faithfully till death ; I 'le fetch a Priest shall streight pronounce ye● so . Exit . Pant. You say that is a Dutchman sir , that wrong'd you . Ped. Right , worthy Signior , that 's the man I Challenge . Pant. You say you are the man confronted Don here . Swat. Yes , and will still mayntain't , for violence He offerd to that noble vertuous Lady . Pant. Good ! vertuous Lady ! Let mee joyne your Friendships . Ped. Swa. You have done it sir . Ped. That is the man I challenge . Swa. The same man I. He has not left the house Since my abuse ; I feare to her much wrong : For he is some disguis'd Knave on my life . Pant. Now you are in the right . Swa. Hee could not weare those Cloathes and speake no Dutch else . Pant. Still i' the right ; I 'le shew you what he is , And out of him , what shee is , whom you call So vertuous and so noble ! and you sir , That mentioned the Hangman , come all and see The commendable port this Lady beares . It seems , sir , you affect this Gentlewoman . Fab. The best of any living . Pant. And you him Lady ? Vic. Yes , he is my husband . Pant. Would that were true ifaith . The rogue your man Sayd he would fetch a Priest — Enter Paulo in Friers habit . Pau. No verier Rogue then my selfe sir . Pant. Thou art a mad fellow for a Priest indeed ; But such a Priest , such a Marriage , Put 'em together . Pau. I doe pronounce them lawfull man and wife . Pant. The Bridegroome thankes you , but you Mistris Bride For the fine trick you put on me last night , Looke now upon your husband , Who would you speake with fellow ? Enter Nicolo , as the Zaffi . Nic. With Signior Rastrofico here , the Hangman , I come to call him to State-businesse sir . Pant. Can this be he ? ( you said he was a counterfeit ) I saw him ride the Wooden-horse , last day With lesse then halfe this beard , unbeard him sirrah . I 'le beare you out . So rest you Gentlemen With your so vertuous Lady , and her husband . Hor. Pi. &c. Fabritio ! Vic. Sir I must crave your pardon , This is he , My first love that I told you of . Swa. You have it freely Lady . Pant. I am abus'd and couzend . Vic. I thanke you sir for all the harme you did me In your Revenge — And harke you , be at peace , And I 'le be silent for your last nights worke . Gua. Forbeare mee , I am off againe . Fran. Good sir , Stop not the blessing you were about to give us . Gua. I am off againe . The pandare was the Priest , The Match is no Match , you no more my Children , But Knave and strumpet . Pant. I 'le not be so couzend . This is no Priest ; and all that 's past unlawfull Pi. You will know more anon . Paulo casts off his Perruk and Beard . Pau. Then cast your eys on me , who dare maintain My Priest-hood lawfull ; it being deriv'd From th' holy Order of St. Augustine ? Vic. Let me not surfet with excesse of joy ? My brother Paulo ! Pau. Thy brother and thy father , vertuous sister . Be ever subject of my dearest care ; And pardon me , who ( jealous of thine honour Inflam'd by the same heart , of the same blood : For we are all the Relicts of our Parents ) Watch'd nearely , and pursu'd thy scape from Rome . For which I had good warrant , Gentlemen See there my dispensation with th' allowance Of all the holy brotherhood of my Covent . My ends were faire , though in this uncouth way Tho' ( heaven I beg thy pardon ) as my care Was to preserve her life and more her honour ; Fearing her violent and abused spirit , Might have made wrack of either , or of both , I once had secret purpose to have ta'ne Her Life , in case shee had forsooke her honour ; And with her cut off Candianies Line , Which now branch'd here , may touch the worlds end With faire succession ! Be you blest for ever . And now , grave sirs , let me intreat your likings , And cheerefull reconcilement to your Children : That so you may your Childrens , Children see , Crownd by the prayers of your prosperity . Gua. I am content . Pant. And I , but for one scruple Cleare me this point , how had you sav'd your honor If the old youth , last night ( who shall be namelesse ) Had but mis ▪ spent his time upon your moore here ? Vic. 'T is easily done sir , see my lov'd Fabritio The Eunuch moore you gave me . Fab. My boy Jacomo , turn'd Chambermayd ! Has thy Mistris us'd thee well ? Vic. Not without much desert . Jac. Shee meanes for your deare sake sir . Fab. I see , sweete Heart , you have an honest Family . Vic. Here you see all , and all that came i' th' house ; ( Since it was made mine ) in this Convention , I dare them not ; but give them freest leave To speake the worst they found in the Novella . Omnes . Wee all conclude y' are noble . Pau. All 's well accorded then . Wee all are Friends , And may Priests travaile never to worse ends . EPILOGUE . CAuse 't is the Custome , By the Poet , Sirs , I 'm sent to crave a Plaudit , and the Spurrs That prick him on to 't , is , his promis'd Pay May chance to faile , if you dislike the Play , But don't if you be wise ; for hee has vow'd To write farre worse if this be not allow'd . FINIS . THE COURT BEGGER . A COMEDIE . Acted at the Cock-pit , by his MAJESTIES Servants , Anno 1632. WRITTEN By RICHARD BROME . MART. Hic totus volo rideat Lîbellus . LONDON . Printed for RICHARD MARRIOT , and THO. DRING , and are to be sold at their Shops in Fleet-street , 1653. Drammatis Personae . SIR Andrew Mendicant , an old Knight , turnd a projector . Mr. Courtwit , a Complementer . Mr. Swaynwit , a blunt Countrey Gentleman . Mr. Citwit , a Citizens Son that supposes himselfe a wi● . Mr. Daynty , a supposed Pictured rawer , but a Pick-pocket . Sir Raphael , an old Knight that talkes much and would be thought wise . Sir Ferdinand , a Knight distracted for love of the Lady Strangelove . Frederick , in love with Charissa . Gabriel , servant to Mendicant . Doctor of Physick . Three poore Projectors . A Sowgelder . A Boy . Lady Strangelove , a humerous widow , that loved to be courted . Philomel her Chambermaide . Charissa , Mendicants Daughter . PROLOGUE . WEe 've cause to fear yours , or the Poets frowne For of late day's ( he know's not ( how ) y' are grown , Deeply in love with a new strayne of wit Which he condemns , at least disliketh it , And solemnely protests you are to blame If at his hands you doe expect the same ; Hee 'l tread his usuall way , no gaudy Sceane Shall give instructions , what his plot doth meane ; No handsome Love toy shall your time beguile Forcing your pitty to a sigh or smile . But a slight piece of mirth , yet such were writ By our great Masters of the Stage and Wit , Whom you approv'd : let not your suffrage then Condemne 't in him , and prayse 't in other men . Troth Gentlemen let me advise yee , spare To vex the Poet full of age and care , How he might strive to please yee , and beguile His humerous expectation with a smile , As if you would be satisfy'd , although His Comedy containes no antique show . Yet you to him your favour may expresse As well as unto those whose forwardnesse Make 's them your Creatures thought , who in a way To purchace fame give money with their Play , Yet you sometimes pay deare for 't , since they write Lesse for your pleasure than their own delight . Which if our Poet fayle in , may he be A Sceane of Mirth in their next Comedye . THE COURT BEGGER . ACT I. SCENE I. Mendicant , Charissa . Men. YO' have given him then his answer ? Cha. Forc'd by you , Heaven knowes with my much sorrow . Such a Lover So in all points deserving of true worth , And best indowments to make up a Man That I shall never see — your pardon sir , Though you pulld back , by violence , my hand , In which my heart was freely given to him , It is not in your power or strength of art To beat a sigh back , or restraine a teare Which I must offer to his memory . Men. Such stormes soone wast themselves in absent Lovers When light of Reason , and good Counsell shall Breake forth and shine upon 'em : and for your part Daughter , I know it shall . And , presently , I thus begin to dissipate your errors , You love this Frederick . Cha. Love knows I do . Men. You say he is deserving in all points . Cha. My love emboldens me to tell you he is . Men. Charissa , take me with you . Is he not Deficient in that onely absolute point That must maintaine a Lady , an estate ? Cha. Love weighes not that . Men. What can he shew you more To take you with , then a wild head of hayre ; A very Limebush to catch Lady-birds ? A Tissue Doublet ; and a Riband shop Hung in his Hatbands , might set up a Pedler ? Can this maintaine a Lady ? Cha. You but looke Upon his outside sir . Men. I trust you have not Bin over inwardly acquainted with him . Cha. Sir , he has Valour , Wit , and Honour , you well know Hee 's of a noble Family extracted . Men. What 's that a yeare ? those parts may be acquir'd In winning of a strumpet . But what Joincture Can he propound to you ? or , ( in case he dyes , Your Dowry being spent ) what personall Estate I st like hee 'l leave you , but his Powder glasse , His Combè and Beard-brush , and perhaps a Trunkfull Of Elegies , Raptures , Madrigalls and Sonnets ? No let him goe ; discard him : and embrace The hopes that I have for thee in the hopefull , Exquisite Cavalier , Courtier and Souldier , Scholler , ( and what not ! ) brave Sir Ferdinando : There 's a Man rising in the favour Royall , And may in thee Charissa , make me happy . Cha. Sir you have given me liberty of speech ; And may be pleas'd to let me tell you now , You aime at your own fortune , not at mine . Men. I seeke no fortune , but for thy advancement : All that I shall call mine must be thine owne . Cha. I would be playner yet ; beseeching you I be not thought too lose in my obedience . Men. Speake freely Girle . Cha. Your ayme has bin to raise You state by Court-suits , begging as some call it , And for that end you left your Countrey life , And Lands too ever since my Mother dy'd , Who while shee liv'd with best of womans judgement Which held you from that course of selling faire Possessions to enable you with money To purchace wit at Court. You pardon me ? Men. On , on . Cha. And for th' Exchange of a faire Mansion-house Large fruitfull Fields , rich Medowes and sweet pastures Well cropt with corne and stockd as well with Cattell , A parke well stor'd with Deere too , and Fishponds in 't , And all this for a lodging in the Strand now — But doe I not offend ? Men. No , no , on still . Cha. Your own fed Beefes and Muttons , Fowle and Poultry Loaded your long boords then ; and you had then Neighbours could boast your hospitality , And poore , that for the remnants prayd for you , Now all concludes upon a two-dishd table . And whereas then you had a numerous Family Of Servants and Attendants , out of which For profit or for pleasure you could call Your Bayliffe , Groom , your Falconer , or your Huntsman , Now sir , a Varlet Coachman , and Footboy Are all your Retinue ; and for the Hounds You kept , that made you sport and Musick , now None but your project Beagles , that smell out Where such a forfeiture is to be begg'd ; Where one would purchase a Reprieve , another A Pardon or a lease of Life Rope-free For ready money : Then where Goods or Lands Are found of men that make away themselfes , And so of fooles and madmen ; All to set Your trade of Begging up ▪ and still you beg : But your own want of favour holds you back From reaching any profit by 't , because You beg by Mediators tongues , which you Call Favorites , who reape the crop of all , And leave you but the Gleanings ; some small pittance To keepe alive the itch of begging in you — Men. Shee speakes home and within me , to the purpose . Cha. Still wasting your own fortunes ; till at last You have no hopefull project life to thrive by But to put me upon this suppos'd favorite To beg for you when it is doubtfull yet Whether hee 'l take me with the Dowry , which Mine Unkle left me , though you adde your projects . Men. The noble Gallant loves thee , Girle , and holds Thy Person and thy vertues Dowry enough , Cha. He is a wanton Lover , full of change , And at this instant singularly devoted Unto that humorous Lady , the young Widow . Men : The Lady Strange love ? Cha. Shee is ambitious To draw all mens affections to her service , And then abuses all by scornes or slightings , And this ( they say ) has made him almost mad . Men. He mad ! believe it not : his reason is Married to him better then so . How now ! Ha' you seene the noble Knight from me ? How did he entertaine my Message ? ha ! Why speakst thou not ? what answer has he sent ? Enter Gabrel . Gab. Hee 's not Sir to be spoken with or seene To any purpose , but by his Phisitians . Men. So sodainly and dangerously sick , Where are my hopes ? Gab. I cannot say how sick He is ; nor can himselfe give any account Of his condition : for he is mad sir . Men. How ! mad ? Gab. Starke staring mad ; as mad As you can thinke a Courtier must be That is more mad then all the rest . Men. If this be true I sinke , what is suppos'd The cause ? Gab. That sir has puzzell'd all the Doctors In weighing all his severall wild affections ; One findes he was ambitious of Court favour , And guesses he was cross'd in some great suite ; Another takes him as he was a Souldier , And losing cost and travaile in the warre Must lose his wits for that . A third collects He was a Poet that drunk too deepe of Helicon , And turnd his braine in clyming of Parnassus : A fourth considering that he was a Gamster Long and much favourd , and uprais'd by fortune To mountaynous heapes of Gold , conjectures , that Some late unlucky hand or chance at play Hath with his money swept his wit away . Men. Fy , these can be no causes to remove , Or shake his settled judgement or his temper . Gab. Then sir a fift and youngst head among The learned men ( what call you him for a Doctor ? Hay that affects gay clothes and Flanders Laces , That trim effeminate Gentleman ) he Has known this noble patient to have beene An extreame Amorist , desperatly devoted Unto the service of some threescore Ladies , And honord every one the most in costly presents , Banquets and Verses ; and thinks the disdaine Of one or all of them has turnd his braine . Cha. I told you sir , the cause before ; and nam'd That humorous Lady for it , whom in heart I can no lesse then thanke . Men. Goe , get you up . And stirre not from my Chamber on my blessing Till my returne , nor admit any one Unto a conference with you . Cha. I obey you . Exit . Gab. Some of your project searchers wait without sir , Loden it seemes with new intelligences . Men. They may come in : but as I feare they bring Me little comfort , I am sure I shall Afford them none . Now sirs , your businesse ? Enter 3 Projectors . 1. Pro. We wait upon your honour my good Lord To crave the knowledge of what good successe Your honor finds in our late suits my Lord. Men. Why honor ? why my Lord ? 2. Pro. We stile you now . 3. Pro. As all must doe hereafter . 1. Pro. Yes , and that In a short space of time , the world holds no Proportion else , nor shall it more be sayd That money can buy Land ; or great Estates In Lands and Mannor-houses be call'd Lordships . 1. 2. 3. Or wealth joynd with desert attaine to honor . Gab. So now the Game 's afoot . They hunt in full cry . 1. P. My Lord 't is most apparant . Men. How you torture me ! 2. P. Wee 'l mak 't appeare most plainly on our lives . 3. P. And credits too . Gab. Their Lives and credits , ha , ha , ha . 1. P. That in the space of one whole year our projects Shall bring in fifty thousand pounds to us , And hundred thousand to your selfe ; and to The Coffers Royall for full seaven years space 64 Thousand 783 l. 7 s. 9 d ob . q. per annum , T is here already cast . Which to make good Wee 'l venture Lives and Goods . 2. P. Our Wives and Children . Mend. takes the scroll and peruses it . 3. P. We can ingage no more . Gab. A wondrous strange ingagement Your lives and goods ; your wives & children gentlemen ! That 's too deep set , and questions the Kings Mercy : Me thinks it were enough , for non-performance You would submit your bodies to perpetuall Imprisonment at the Kings charge ; and leave Your wives and children to their severall Parishes You are still faithlesse sir , in all projects . 1. But when you shall perceive the wealthy sonnes Dayly brought in , and be , continually , Troubled with the Receipts ( if you may be trusted That have so little faith ) when you shall soyle And gall your fingers ends with telling money , Yet find the lickings of 'em sweet , you 'l then Sing other Notes . 2. Meane time entreat my Lord To put you to some Tellers Clearke to teach you Ambo-dexterity in telling money . Gab. Do you hear sir ? Can you give me two sixpences For a shilling — or any single money ? 2. P. Pish . Gab. Cry mercy , you weare none in ready coine , But all in Bullion lockt up in your brave-chests , And there you have the treasure of the Indies ; Of deeper value , could it be digg'd out , Then all the Hollanders have waited for These 7 yeares out of the Spanish plate fleets . 3. Pugh . Gab. But put mine eye out ( now I dare you to 't ) With any single peece of ready money . 1. P. My Lord your man abuses us here strangely With his old misbeliefe . But still we doubt not Your honourable good opinion of us . 2. P. You have pervs'd this weighty paper here . Men. It weighes not all twelve graines . 1. P. No more ? Nay the whole platforme of a stately City , Or a designe to conquer a whole Nation , But doe you note the grounds , the Rules and Reasons , First for the easinesse of the severall grants . 2. P. Next for performance of our undertakings . 3. P. And then the certainty o' th' propounded profit● Both to the King and us . 1. P. Without all grievance unto the subject . Fab. That 's no little marvaile . 1. P. Take 'em into particulars my Lord , First this for Perrukes . The Monopoly Of making all the Perrukes male and female , Through Court and Kingdome . Gab. There 's a capitall project . 2. P. Note the necessity , that they be well made Of no diseas'd or infectious stuffe , of dead or living , No verminous or sluttish locks or combings , But harmlesse and sound haire , of innocent , And wholesome people . Gab. They must then reape none From Gallowses , nor Hospitalls ; from whence They have had great supplies . 1. P. You have in that Said very well ; For here 's a Reformation Of that abuse intended in these words Innocent and wholsome . Gab. How if a man or woman shall desire To weare a friends hayre so departed ; as You his ; or your wife yours ; may 't not be had ? 1. P. Or if your friend or Mistris dye so , you Procure the haire and bring it from the Gallows To th' office , and it may be done accordingly . Gab. You have in that said very well Sir too . 1. P. Now out of this provision , what an infinite Profit will rise i' th' generall use of 'em , And multiplicity that will be worne By people of all sorts ▪ degrees and ages : The old to hide their naturall baldnesse , and The young and middle-ag'd their artificiall Or accidentall . Gab. By the pox or so . 1. P. They shall be brought into that reputation That none shall be esteem'd so sound or wise As publique wearers of them : which to effectuate T is requisite that you obtaine a Mandat Unto all Courtiers , that would be thought wise To weare false hayre : because clownes have been noted To talke like fooles or mad men in their own . Men. No more of that . 1. What say to this my Lord , Touching new fashions of apparrell ; sutes , Hats , Boots , Swords , Belts , Ribands , &c. For every wearer of his first o' th' fashion To pay a groat to th' King ; and every Tradesman Two pence on every severall piece he sells Of any such new fashion the first yeare ? Gab. And what may this pride money amount unto Per annum , can you guesse ? Men. I will not meddle in it . 2. No my good Lord. Men. No , nor your Perrukes neither . 3. What say to this my Lord of the Balconyes ? Men. Nor that . 1. This then for sucking out of cornes . Men. Away with it . 2. This then : that on the birth of every Girle The Father pay a groat ; to hearten men To live soberly and get Souldiers . Men. Away . 1. This makes amends for all then . A new project For buylding a new Theatre or Play-house Upon the Thames on Barges or flat boats To helpe the watermen out of the losse They 've suffer'd by Sedans ; under which project The subject groanes , when for the ease of one Two abler men must suffer ; and not the price , Or pride of Horse-flesh or Coach-hire abated . This shall bring flouds of gaine to th' watermen Of which they 'l give a fourth of every fare They shall boord at the floating Theatre , Or set ashore from thence , the Poets and Actors Halfe of their first yeares profits . Men. Fy away . 1. This is a weighty one : For massy summes That may be freely given out of the City , To have but this assurance , that hereafter They may ingrosse the getting of their own Children : by order tane that Cavaliers , And Courtiers may no more invade , Or mix with Tradesmens wives : whereby t is thought So many City Prodigalls have been gotten ; Onely the thrifty countrey Gentlemen To be excepted : for by them 't is guest So many Citizens grow landed men . Gab. Were not they gotten by Projectors think you ? 3. My Lord your servant jeeres us . Men. To deale plainely I doe allow 't in him — Gab. Heaven has heard my prayers . Men. And will heare him or any man oppose All that is put to me by way of project To put me by all further hopes in 'em : For ( with hearts griefe I speake it ) he by whom I onely hop'd to climbe ( alas ) is fallen . 1. What out of favour ? Men. No , out of his Reason . 2. The noble Cavalier sir Ferdinando . 3. That late stood candidate for the favour royall , Is he now fallen besides himselfe ? Men. Even he . 1. What have you then to doe my Lord In lieu of all your service but beg him ? Men. His greater and his nearer friends at Court Will prevent me . 2. They shall not , never feare it . 1. Come we will make quick worke of this . My Lord you shall disburse but twenty pieces . 2. Among us three . 3. And we will instantly Finde his estate . 1. And lay you down a way So plaine that you shall say All 's yours , Before you stir a foot . Gab. But when he has travell'd Till he has tir'd himselfe , he shall returne , And say All 's lost , i st not so Gentlemen ? Men. I will not part with any money sirs . 1. Trust me you doe not well to put my Lord Off o' his benefit , by disheartning him In this small venture . Will you then be pleas'd To give us but ten pieces . Men. Not a penny . 2. Five you shall my Lord , And stand no longer thus in your own light . 3. Or but a piece a Man. Men. Not a denier . 1. A dinner then my Lord , but of one piece . Men. My answers cannot please you . Answer 'em you . Gab. I wonder how you having stretch'd your throats With the loud sounds of thousands , hundred thousands Can , after all , so faintly whisper forth One piece ; and that as much in vaine , as all The massy summes : for all but brings you nothing , It shewes you Gentlemen of resolute patience ; And would take thankfully I warrant you An od halfe crowne amongst you : and what say you To every man a kick on the condition ? What say you to one with tother ? 1. This abuse Shall lose your Master a hundred thousand pound . Gab. Goe coine your bullion braines into the money And come againe . My master was Your Lord even now , as he was Lord of Beggers . 1. I hope to live to see him beg of us . Gab. Out hundreds , thousands , ten thousands , hundred , thousands , Millions , ten Millions , Millions upon Millions Away , I 'le stamp your buttocks into coyne else . Ex. Projectors . The Devill ride that hind most of 'em , for A raw bon'd Jade : Sfoot he has lam'd my toes . Men. I am glad I am so rid of ' em , and now As th' art my Servant and my loving Kinseman — Gab. To follow you in all things but in Projects . Men. Looke to my House and Daughter , that she start not ; Nor any entrance be allowd to Fredrick To re-intangle her in his Love. I know Thy vertue and thy valour can make good My trust impos'd in thee . Gab. You need not feare sir But , good sir , no more projects . Men. I have but one , On which I 'le set my rest . Thoult say t is good . Gab. Except it be the begging of this Madman It can be nothing . Men. T is the very same : By which I will advance my house and name . Exit . Gab. The Beggers best is that he feeles no shame : Sprecious what meane you ? Ha'you forgot so soone Your Fathers strict command , and he scarce gone yet ? Enter Charissa . Cha. Alas hee 'l then meet Fredrick and divert him , I saw him at the window making this way . Gab. He gets no entrance to you . I must obay A master though you can neglect a father . Cha. Be not so cruell . Thou mayst live to love , And need the pitty of a friend . Gab. I pitty you , And will do no more then you know how to aske For your own good . I understand your cause And can relieve you if you 'l yeild to councell . Cha. You are my Kinsman ; and have bin my friend , Though you observe my father who , I feare , Has not a fathers love towards me . Gab. His love is great and certaine , And all his travell is for your advancement : But he goes blindfold on unprosperous wayes Led by credulity . Projects ! pox o' projects The patron of his projects is ( it seemes ) Pepper'd with madnesse . T is but Justice on him , And now I 'le give you a secret if you 'l promise To be ruld by me . Cha. You shall rule me cosen . Gab. This Ferdinand , your fathers great Court-godling Nere sought you for a wife ; but to have whor'd you : ( That is the English on 't ) and to appeare A right great man in th' act , he would ha' made By hopes and promises your credulous Father The instrument of your prostitution : Which to effect , ( though still he undertook His hopefull projects ) cunning Lawyer-like He crost or lost him still in all , on purpose That poverty at length might urge him to Give you to his dispose . Cha. This was my feare . Gab. Away : some body comes . Cha. T is Fredrick . I must see him . Gab. You 'l never see him more then . Go to your chamber . A little patience and he shall be yours . Cha. So dos a heart consume in lingring fire , When cooling hopes are cast on hot desire . Exit . Gab. Poore heart I pitty her , and will labour for her . Enter Frederick . Fred. O Gabriel ! I am happy in finding thee , Thy master absent , whom I saw , in hast Now passing towards the Court. Where 's my Charissa ? Gab. You may not see her . Fred. May not see her sir ? Gab. May not ! nay must not : shall not see her . Fred. Y' are very plaine with me . Gab. Her owne command Warrants me speake it sir . Fred. A villaine speakes it . Draw. Gab. I have a sword speakes other language for me . Fred. Can she whose thoughts are truth , and written here , Here in this breast , giving me ample welcome , Give thee a countermand to bar me from it ? Wouldst thou make her a double hearted monster ? Or like another woman ? Repent the● of thy trespasse yet and live . Gab. Sir , if you thinke to fight , talke not too much ; Or , if you needs must talke , then heare as well . Fred. What wouldst thou say ? Gab. Sir , I have more to say Then fits this place , since you are apt to quarrell ; And this no ground to bustle on : nor indeed Where I dare for my honesty and trust Allow you longer stay . If therefore you Will walke , I 'le wait upon you ; and direct you In a more ready way to finde Charissa . Fred. Is shee not here i' th' house ? Gab. O sir , a man May come within his arme-reach of his money In the Exchequer : but he must walke about To finde due order e're he draw it out . Fred. The fellow 's honest , valiant , and discreet , Full man , in whom those three additions meet . Gab. Sir , dare you trust me ? Fred. Yes I dare ; and why ? Because if thou dar'st fight , thou dar'st not lie . ACT II. SCENE I. Enter Philomel , Court-wit , Swayn-wit , Cit-wit . Phi. HEre in this gallery Gentlemen you may ▪ at your pleasure , Untill my Lady comes , walk or sit . Cou. Or lie down if you please . Ph. If you so , wrong not my Ladies Couch with your Spurres I pray ▪ take heed you leave not a Rowell there . Sw. If one should , your Lady has no Lord to call her honour to question , whose Knight-hood it belong'd unto . Phil. You have a good countrey wit sir . Sw. My name is Swayne-wit ; and for all you twit me with the Countrey , I am a Gentleman tho' . Ph. I honour you the more sir , for I am a Countrey Maide my selfe . Sw. Thou art a baggage , and a bold one , I am deceiv'd else . I would be further acquainted with you tho' . Kisse long . Have you done now ? You will have time enough for Further and better acquaintance . Thou art a Jackanapes of the basest tricks that ever I saw , for a halfe-penny . Shee 's your choyce , is shee ? Could not you let be tho' ? I ha' bin acquainted with thee but two dayes , and forgi'me for swearing , I ha' found thee beating ripe a skore o' times at least . Take heede I begin not now , and hand sell your Ladies house , that is so much talkt on , and your Gentlewomans presence here with a fist about your eares . Cou. Not for a thousand pound . Sw. That 's a great deale of money . I could find i' my heart to do 't tho' . Cou. Slife we are all undone then . Sw. He sets my teeth on edge to looke upon him : He lookes so like a wilding crab , good neither for drink nor sauce . Ph. Why would you presse him then ? Sw. Thou hast a verjuice wit. Ph. For my poore sake forbeare sir . Sw. Let him stand further then , and looke o' to● side . Cit. Well sir , this is no cause nor place to fight in , when — Sw. What sayes he ? Ph. Nothing , you heare he whistles tother way . Sw. Tother way , what backwards ? Ph. What new guest ha' you brought here Mr. Courtwit , for my Lady to laugh at ? Cou. One for that purpose Phil , you ha' spoke the man , But what company has my Patronesse , that shee is yet busy . Sw. I that ! If shee be long busy I will not stay , and shee were ten great Ladies , or one as big as twenty , for all shee is your Patronesse , must we wait out of our wits , because Chalivere ran mad for her ? Ph. Ha' you heard o' that sir ? Sw. My Cozen Court-wit's question was who 's with her ? Ph. O sweet Mr. Court-wit , when will you bring the fine civill Gentleman , that maintaines himselfe so gallantly by picture drawing ? Sw. Here 's a new businesse ! Fare yee well , pray tell your Lady I came not from Pensans to grow here . Ph. Nay sweet sir stay , there is sir with my Lady none but the grave and witty talking Knight . Some call him the metrapolitane wit of Court ; he that loves Ladyes society so much , and yet has vow'd virginity . Cou. As much as in man lies Phil ; Hee is a perpetuall vowd batchellor indeed , and as constant to his vow as to his fashion in apparrell , which is ever the same , sir Raphael Winter-plum . Cit. That old witherd piece . I know him . Sw. Thou wilt beare up again . Cit. He has lick'd up a living with his tongue ; makes all great tables his own ; and eats for his talke : He may be conversant with women : for ( they say ) he guelt himselfe beyond Sea for spight one did him ; and now preaches chastity to Ladies , and love to their husbands . Hee 's a Lay-gospeller among the married sort , and an especiall pedant to the youth o' Court. Cou. Fy , thou speakst too much . Sw. There 's another humor I could beat thee for with all my heart , thou wilt speake outragiously of all men behinde their backs , and darst not answer Ba — to the face of a sheep , O I could pommell thee . Cit. This is not yet a cause to fight for , when — Ph. But will not that fine Gentleman Mr. Dainty come , Mr. Court-wit ? Cou. I expect him presently . Ph. I 'le see if their conference be ended , or breake it if I can , and hasten my Lady to you . Exit . Sw. This wench has a dainty wit. Cou. Shee may , living with the prime Lady-wit in towne . Sw. But what Dainty is that shee talkes on so affectionately ? Cou. Troth a Gentleman that lives at a good rate ; very civill in conversation , keepes good company ; yet none of his acquaintance that I am acquainted with knowes his beginning , or his present meanes . Sw. A Gentleman borne . Cou. I know no more but by his port , and fashion , you saw him with me last night . Sw. Forgi ' me for swearing , I st he ? Cou. He was at the Play with us too , doe you not remember that ? Sw. Yes , that I was at the Play , by sure token and a sad one . Cit. I 'le shew you somewhat of him . A Gentleman borne did you aske ? Sw. Now he beares up againe . Cit. Hee cannot be a Gentleman by birth or place . A fine-handed , and a fine headed fellow he is ; and pretends great skill and practice too in Picture-drawing , Watch-making , and such like finger-workes ; which he sayes he uses as a Gentlemans exercise , not as a trade to live upon ; when either he does live on 't ; or else hee has some more secret way , as perhaps pimping or pursing for ought I know . Sw. There he is again ! Art thou bound in conscience to wrong all men in their absence , till I beate thee into better manners ? Cou. Hold , hold , I prithee hold . Cit. Yet still the cause is insufficient , when — Cou. Here comes the Gentleman . Enter Dainty . Cit. Is hee come ? Noble Mr. Dainty — The welcomst in the World. I protest I suffer'd by your absence . Dai. You do me too much honour Mr. Cit-wit . Cit. Oh sir , your humble servant . Sw. Ha , ha . Forgi ' me for swearing , what a Spaniell's this ? Dai. Gentlemen you are well found , I was a little stayd by the way upon receipt of monies . Ha' you seene the Lady yet ? Cou. Shee 's yet a little busy . We shall all instantly take the opportunity together . Dai. But Gentlemen ; you that have better knowledge of this Lady informe if you please , why are we summond hither ? Cou. Thou speakst as if thou hadst guilt upon thee ; fear nothing man. Sw. I that 's the thing that I would understand too . And why me of any man ? They say indeed shee is a humorous Lady , and loves to busy her selfe . But what are we to her ? are there not greater men , and Lords enough for her to foole away the time with , but we must danc● attendance on her humors ? Cit. I protest Mr. Swayn-wit , I admire your ingenuity . Sw. You will be medling still . Cit. T is to your question sir , which I will answer . Sw. I there 's another of your cockscombly tricks , to answer any question , that 's ask'd another man , out with tho' . Cit. This Lady sir , this humorous wity Lady is a wit-sponge , that suckes up wit from some , and holds as her own , untill shee squeeze it out on others . Shee will make use of ours , or any courser wits ; and search 'em out to sift ' em . Shee will collect from market-folkes ; and hold conferences with the poore Trades people that cry their wares about the streets , Shee will rake wit out of a dunghill Ragwoman . Swa. So there he is againe ! darest thou abuse a noble Lady , in her owne house too ? I dare not now but beat thee . Cou. Forbeare good cosen . Cit. Still , still , the cause is naught , when — Dai. Ods so the Ladies comming I think . Enter Philomel . Phil. Gentlemen , my Lady cannot yet be rid of the tedious talking Knight . But shee will cast him presently . He is now following her into this roome , pray passe into the next ; my Ladies Musick roome . There you shall find a collation of good Tobacco and Sack and one to attend you , you know the fashions of the House Mr. Courtwit . Cou. Come away Gentlemen . Exit Gentlemen . Phil. I could even love and looke upon that sweete Mr. Dainty a whole houre methinks . Enter Strange-love , and Sir Raphael . Stra. Goe your wayes down Mayd , and if any aske for Sir Raphael here , say that I hope hee will ha' done anon . Ra. You would be rid of me : but pardon me Madam , I must hold your glasse to you . Stra. That 's a poore Chamber-mayds office ; and ill becomes your gravity Sir Raphael . Ra. I 'le open then the booke to you of your errors . Str. Now you speake scholler-like , and your selfe : But have we spent all this while in by , and idle talke , and have that volume to be open'd yet ? Pray read mee for the first Lesson for this Mornings Exercise , and my Edification , the last Chapter of my book of errors as you call it . Ra. You are a mocker of instruction , and good counsell . Str. Begins it so ? whom is that spoken to ? Ra. I speak to onely you ; to conjure ( if I can ) that spirit of scorne out of you ; which you have taken in , and long affected for a humor , your singular own humor , till it is grown so familiar , so inherent in you , that you have wonne the title of the humorous Lady by 't ; and drawn a scorne upon your selfe . Stra. Why then all 's paid , and wellcome good Sir Raphael . Ra. I am not gone so ; nor is all so payd : For there 's a greater reckoning yet of Raylings , Reviling , Curses by the many that Y'have scornd and slighted , shot at you in hot vollies . Str. They hit me not . I am sure I do not feele ' em . R. You may in time be sensible of their suffrings , Whom you have violently , and willfully abus'd With scorne and pride ; if you call to mind The cause , bred meerly out of humour ; cause you would have it so . Str. You come too neare mee sir , cause I would have it so ? Ra. Can it be otherwise ? Has it not ever bin Your practise , since your time of widow-hood To catch all mens affections ? T is indeed An honour to a Lady to have many suitors ; But to lay bait for 'em only to delude 'em — Is impiously dishonorable . Str. Have I done so ? Ra. Yes , and have gloried in it for your humour To lead men into brakes with foolish fire . Str. If they will follow it , I cannot helpe it . Ra. You might though have prevented the mishaps Of many , by a faire and free resistance In the beginnings of their suits of Courtships , And not to set your selfe at gaze to draw them on , And then allure them with assured hopes Of love and favour till you have wound their follies Into the reach of your disdaine ; and then To torture 'em , or having ta ●e 'em captives To slave and sell 'em to the worlds derision . Str. O sir Raphael — Ra. Shee feeles compunction ! I will pursue it to the quick . Str. On good Sir Raphael . Ra. Consider then good Madam , since I know , And your own conscience knowes , that you have made A secret vow from your late husbands death Never to marry , how better and more glorious It would be for your honor to declare Your constant purpose to a single life , Then to fall into the transgression Of robbing men so of their wits and reason , And all by willfull humor : as this late Unhappy accident of madnesse in The hopefull Knight Sir Ferdinando cryes Lowdly to your disgrace , and the worlds sorrow . Str. Halfe the worlds sorrow is mine own For that sad accident , I would I coold redeem't With halfe my health or life . But let me tell you ( Now you have justly chidden me ) that you Have a fault too . Ra. What i st in your construction ? Str. As I conceal'd my vow of single living , And gave men leave to court me , by which meanes I won them into hopes , and robd their wits , You in declaring to the Court and City Your vow of chastity and single life , Yet dayly , nightly , howerly frequenting The company of Ladies , with your sweet , No lesse then grave discourse and conversation Have rob'd ( nay I may say deflowr'd ) more Ladies Of chast and honorable thoughts , then all The cavalry of Court. Ra. Who I Madam ! Str. Even you sir Raphael ( if unchast desires Must be held sinfull ) I know some of them , And one ( I feare ) too well , that have bin subject Unto the breach of any vow for you , Yet you to vow a single and chast life ; And publish your intent ! Ra. T is with intent , And a religious purpose to decline , And divert womans fond affections from me . Str. O , but forbidden things are womens longings ! You have read , you have read ( sir Raphael ) you have read . Falls on her Couch . La. And travell'd too : yet never could discover Such an example . Str. Pray sit down by me . Ra. Good thoughts possesse you Madam . I must hence . Str. I 'le not be tedious to you . One word I pray sir ? Ra. Vertue , be thou my armor . Briefly then Let me intreat you Madam ▪ Str. Pray refuse not To sit downe by me . Ra. Sanctity protect me . Sit. Str. Sir , you are famous , and cry'd up by all For your great wisdome , Morall and Divine : You are the Ipse dixit of the Court As I have heard you stil'd by men of learning . The Court Philosopher — Ra. Madam to the point . Str. What is our strength , and what is not our frailty ? Ra. Where is shee wandering now ? Bee playner Madam . Str. Doe not my blushes ( which I hope you pardon ) Deliver you a message from my heart ? Which I want words to ●●●●r ? O these vowes ! These rash and ill-made vowes ! dos not your judgement Read something on this face ? pray look upon me . Ra. I am no good interpreter of looks . Str. I dare not speake , till you have first remov'd A weighty scruple , which doth much perplexe me . Ra. You must first speake it Madam . Str. Whether these vowes , ( I meane your own , and mine , for single life ) May safely be dispens'd with or absolv'd , And we become a lawfull paire in Marriage ? Pray sir resolve and blesse me in a Match . Ra. Madam I 'le pray for you . Starts up . Str. You will first kill me With your disdaine , and then you 'l pray for me ! Is that your Charity ? Ra. I dare not heare you . Str. Leave me not so . Ra. Who waits upon my Lady here ? Exit . Str. I had no other way to shift him , would he would make An errand now to Rome to quit my scruple ; And rid the Court of an officious foole : Women some times have sent wise men to schoole . Is the Knight gone ? Enter Philomel . Ph. And blessing of himselfe , As witch craft were i' th' house . Str. But where 's my favorite Court-wit , has he brought his countrey Kinsman and the rest ? Ph. They are all in your wit-office Madam ( as you call the Roome ) Passing the time among the Pipes and Bottles , And singing catches . Here you may here 'em Madam . A catch . Str. Marry , this takes past ▪ all sir Raphaels Lectures , Goe call 'em downe . Exit Phi. This Madam troubles me , ' would he were right agen ; Or I quit of the scandall . Enter Court-Swain , and Cit-wit . O Gentlemen ! y' are welcome , And chiefly you that are the onely stranger , I ha' been so troubled with an overtalking si● , that he Has wound me into melancholly — Swa. I wish you mirth Madam . I come not as one o' you-fooles to make you any though — Offer to go away . Str. Be not so briefe with mee , let mee intreat you though . Sw. Forgi'me for swearing doe you mock me tho' ? Str. Mistake me not sweet sir — Sw. Sweet with a mischiefe ! How sweet am I ? I come not as a suitor to your great Ladyship . I am a Gentleman of two hundred a yeare tho' . Str. Not as a suitor to me sir ? Sw. No you are too great for me . Nor to your Mopsey without , though shee be snout-faire , and has some wit shee 's too little for me , I understand degree and quality , respect and difference ; and am scholler enough to know my unde and my quare . Str. You ga' me his true character . You are a compleat Gentleman sir ( if I mistake not ) the Kinsman of my favorite here , who has given me an ample relation of your worth and vertue . Cou. Yes , Patronesse , 't is he , who though not throughly vers'd , or conversant i' th' Court or City garbe , he understands both Men and Manners . Sw. Prattle for your selfe sir . Str. But to the businesse Gentlemen . Sw. I that I would faine know if it be any . Str. You have heard I doubt not of a disastrous blot lately cast upon my 〈…〉 e , out of my owne freenesse . Cit. Concerning the Mad-courtier Madam , when 't is as likely , that his Taylor made him mad as you , for not hitting the fashion right in his last rich suit . But t is most like he fell from a reasonable man , by over-studying himselfe what Lord he should be at the next creation , whether of Gleek , or Cribbidge ; In and in , or Hazard . Sw. Hearke how this shotten headed Cocks-combe prates ! And how he , that can indure beating , dares speak any thing , or abuse all men ! canst not give the Lady leave to speake tho' ? Str. Since there is an aspersion layd upon my freenesse in giving entertainment unto persons of great and noble qua●ity , the world deeming it to be done by me meerly for ost●ntation , to cry my own humor up , by drawing them into Love-knots , and then to slight or scorne them . My resolution is from henceforth , to exclude those great resorts , and friendly and freely be merry within our selfes . I have foure thousand a yeare to spend ; and will be huswife good enough to keepe in compasse . I will not entertaine a servant , friend or guest above your rank or fortunes — Sw. Why — ( forgi'me for swearing ) what do you think of us ? Str. I thinke you Gentlemen of worth and quality : and therefore welcome , I thinke you able to maintaine your selfes midle-sis'd Gent. Cit. I am Midlesex indeed ; borne i' th' City . Sw. Give the Lady leave to speake tho' . Str. I 'le give accesse to none , that the censorious world shall dare to judge a suitor to me , Or to finde favour further then meat and wine . Sw. Yes , faith a little money to ; and make's your Fidlers . Cit. Pray give the Lady leave to speak though . whe● Str. Mauger the greatnesse of my former visitants I give you my election for the chiefes Of my familier society . I may perhaps call in , ( at least admit ) People of meaner garbe , without ( I hope Your grudge or envy . But they shall be men Of Science , Art , and Action . Sw. Of action Madam ? who do you meane ? the Players ? Str. Why not ? I love their quality and them , and mean to have the use of some of 'em shortly : Besides Musitians ( Poets in the first place ) and Painters : In which last mention'd art I heare you are excellent , though all this while so silent . Dai. I boast no skill or practise Madam : but I have drawne some pieces that have been worth my paines in my Rewards . Str. I must commend their ingenuity for whom you tooke those paines . But ( where I left ) I must make use of wits , of arts , and actions . Sw. Here in your house Madam , I would be glad to see the Actors , but I saw 'em at their own too lately : for I lost my purse there , no matter let it go . There was 15. pound in 't tho ! Cit. Sprecious ! How now ! my Fob has been ●ubd to day of six pieces , and a dozen shillings at least . Nothing but a bowd groat left as I hope for my Grannums blessing . Cou. Sure you have been in some ill company . Cit. Pox of ill company I say . My watch is gone out of my Pocket too o' th right side . Dai. You rose o' the wrong side to day it seemes , were you in no crowd or quarrell ? Cit. I never was in a 〈…〉 quarrell i' my life . I alwayes run from ' em . Cou. I dare sweare thou dost . Cit. I onely stood to day at the Coranto-shop to read the last great news ; and I was hoop'd in I remember by some that seem'd to wonder as much as I. Dai. Then certainly there was a cut-purse amongst ' em . Cit. I 'le go to honest Moll about it presently . Sw. But first stay and heare my Lady tho' . Cou. I Madam you were speaking of the use you would make of Poet , Painter , Musick , Actor and the like . Str. True favorite for a Masque that I intend to have shortly , you shall performe the poeticall part , your servant Citwit the Musicall . And by your skill and directions the Painters office for the scenes . Dancers and speakers I have in store . Sw. I must be something too tho' , must I not Madam ? Str. Marry and thanke you too sir . Enter Philomil . Now your Newes . Phil. Sir Andrew Mendicant desires to see you Madam . Str. You should have told him I would not be seene by him . Ph. I told him you were busy . But hee sayes hee is to speake with you upon a weighty businesse from the Court. Str. T is the Court-begger . You know him favorite . Goe not away , I 'le bring him in amongst you , And ( as you love me ) put some ridiculous projects to him . Exit . Dai. What 's that sir An●●●w Mendicant ? doe you know him well ? Cour. Thou askest still a question like a guilty person , with a look resembling fear upon thy face . Dai. My countenance is too blame then ; not my conscience . Cit. I 'le tell you what he is . Sw. Still answering others questions ? Cit. He is a Knight that hanckers about the Court , ambitious to make himselfe a Lord by begging . His braine is all Projects , and his soule nothing but Court-suits . He has begun more knavish suits at Court , then ever the Kings Taylor honestly finish'd , but never thriv'd by any : so that now hee 's almost fallen from a Pallace B●gger to a spittle one . His businesse to my Lady now can be nothing but to borrow money to buy a paire of wheeles to set some Project a going to Court for a Monopoly . Sw. Thou wert in hast e●ne now to looke after the money ; but and thy Life lay on 't thou must stay to abuse a man ●ehinde his back , who is a noble Gentleman thou knowst , and I have heard , yet ( speake in thy conscience ) wouldst thou not be beaten now ? Cou. Forbeare , they come . Enter Strangelove , Mendicant . Str. Sir , since it is requested by those great ones Whose power cannot command me in this case ( For t is my charity and not my duty ) I am content that the mad Ferdinand Shall so journe in my house for his recovery . Men. T is thought you were the ground-work of his frensy The Doctors therefore mov'd their honours to it For that your frequent presence may be helpfull Towards his care . Str. He shall have it th●● Towards the expiation of the crime They charge me with . But in case sir Andrew He should be cur'd by this meanes , I should then Crosse you in fortune and your future hopes Of his estate ; which you have beg'd you say If he recover not . Men. I must leave that to fortune Madam . Str. Will you be pleas'd sir to take notice of These Gentlemen my friends . They may be usefull Salute For they have all projective braines I tell you . Men. Pray of what nature are your Projects Gentlemen ? Cou. Sir my affection leanes much to Poetry , especialy the Drammatick . Men. Writing of strange Playes ? Cou. I am glad I speake sir , to your understanding . And my project is that no Playes may be admitted to the Stage , but of their making who Professe or indeavour to live by the quality : That no Courtiers , Divines , Students at Law , Lawyers-clearks , Tradesmen or Prentises be allow'd to write 'em , nor the Works of any lay-Poet whatsoever to be receav'd to the Stage , though freely given unto the Actors , nay though any such Poet should give a summe of money with his Play , as with an Apprentice , unlesse the Author doe also become bound that it shall doe true and faithfull service for a whole Terme . Men. Here 's a trim businesse towards , and as idle as the Players going to Law with their Poets . Cou. I have another sir , to procure a Patent for my selfe to have the onely priviledge to give instructions to all the actors in the City , ( especially the younger sort ) the better to enable them to speake their parts emphatically and to the life . Men. You were best take heede in time then that you well preserve your own voyce , for feare you doe a spoyle among 'em in teaching 'em to utter in unsavory tunes . Doe I come hither to be mock'd ? Sw. Will you heare mine though ? I am a Countrey Gentleman , young , healthfull and lusty . I heare complaints of barrennesse in the City ; and of men that cannot get their wives with child ; Get me but a Patent for 't I 'le undertake by my selfe and deputies ( provided that the woman be sound and handsome ) to make them multiply , and upon reasonable conditions : we will deale with the rich for money , and the poore for charity . Men. This is foolisher then tother . Doe you abuse me Gentlemen ? Sw. Is that a wise man's question ? you cannot tell th'o . Cit. We have our projects too Sir. Men. I would have yours first , you seeme a civill and substantiall Gentleman . Dai. In more private if you please Sir. Men. I like well his reservednesse . Dai. Sir I am a Picture-drawer Limner , or Painter ( if you please ) and wou'd gladly purchase authority , by my selfe and deputies , for the painting of all the Kings , and Queenes-head signes for Tavernes , Innes , Ale houses , and all Houses and Shops of Trade throughout the Kingdome upon this ground that they draw and hang up their t●yall Images for signes in so hideous manner that men blesse themselves to see 't . Men. I marry this hangs upon some ground . But are you an exquisite workeman in that art si● ? Dai. I am an Artist in that mistery sir , and have drawn some of his Majesties Pictures ( by coppy onely but ) so to the life , that Gentlemen have kneel'd to ' ●m for suites , and knight-hoods . Men. Indeed sir ! Dai. Yes sir , and great Lords I have pictur'd so powerfully , their own followers sodainly rushing into the room have started back , and solemnly stood bare to 'em as they hung o' the walls . Men. I st possible ! Dai. I drew a sterne Judge , and a civill Lawyer so to the life , that after their corps were in the Grave , a man durst not looke upon their pictures without a bribe , or double fee in 's hand . Men. I do admire you ! Dai. I ha' drawn Ladies too , with that alluring beauty , that men have lov'd their dead pictures , for their painted lookes , more then their living persons for all their vertues . Men. Thou boy ! introth you abuse me most merrily Gentlemen . Goe . Str. An excellent fellow : I like him for that fancy more then all the rest . Cit. Pray heare my project too sir ? Str. Yes good sir Andrew , you shall not part so abruptly . Cit. Mine is a good common wealths businesse , against the common Plague , that raignes i' th' City of Pick-pockets , and Cut-purses ▪ I my selfe ha' bin robb'd to day , and am going to a good member that deales in private for the recoveries of such goods : One that shall undertake if you 'l but get a Patent , for a Cutpurse-hall , or Office , to helpe all men to their owne againe , allowing but the Tithes of their Losses , and freeing the offending parties . Men. Fie , fie . Here 's tithing indeed . Cit. Provided that notice be brought to the Office within foure and twenty houres after any such losse . Men. Enough , enough . Cit. Wee may by the same course secure the Counties too , and make the hangman hang himselfe . Men. Let every man be wise enough to looke to his purse , and there will be no Cut-purses , nor need of your patent . Sw. As wise a man as you may lose his purse tho' , as I ha' done my selfe in a crow'd . Men. He puts me in mind of a crowd I was in once to day of company I lik'd not — ha — . For heaven 't is gone : And I dare not discover it for being laught at . Cou. It seemes none of your Projects will passe with you sir Andrew . Str. Come sir , they are but ( as you said ) merry with you . Men. Be you merry with them good Madam , you know the serious worke I came about . In which I sodainly shall presume to give you a re-visite . Str. Pray do sir Andrew , bring your Mad-man . My garden Lodgings shall be his bedlem . Come gentlemen t is Dinner-time . Cou. We are your waiters Madam . Exeunt Omnes . ACT III. SCENE I. Enter Philomel , Mendicant , Doctor . Ph. THese are the Lodgings , that my Lady appointed For your distracted patient . Men. Like you 'em Doctor . Doct. Exceeding well . Excuse me Gentlewoman That now intreat your absence . Ph. Willingly . I am not taken with the sight you bring : For I see mad-folkes enough every day . Exit . Doct. Here set him downe . Unbind him , and unblind him . Ferdinand brought in a chaire bound and hooded , &c. Fer. Am I then taken prisoner in the North ? Wounded , disarm'd and bound ? I shall be ransom'd To which of your rebelliously usurp'd Castles ha' you brought me ? you sir Presbiter , That better can pugnare then orare , And so abjure all duty and allegiance — Men. Hee takes you for a Northerne Pastor Mr. Doctor . Doct. No matter what , let him run out his fancy . Fer. You were best to use me well ; and like a souldier Order will else be tane ( though you know none . ) Doct. You shall have all best usage sir . Fer. And use my horse well too , and let my horse and armor Be decently preserv'd and seene forth-comming At my redemption . Doct. With all best care sir . Fer. For I shall soone be sent for , or fetch'd off With ruine of your countrey 'bout your eares . Doct. You shall have all content the countrey yeilds sir . Fer. I shall have Oat-bread , Ale , and Bag-pipes , shall I ? Doct. If you 'l be merry sir . Fer. Merry ! why not ? come let 's ha' cards ; and you and I to cribbidge For an od hundred pound , I meane not Scotch , But sterling English pieces , where 's your money ? All gone in Ammunition , and charge Military . Doct. I 'le finde you money enough . Fer. O here 's a third man , let 's then to Gleeke . Men. Crown Gleeke sir , if you please . Fer. Crown Gleeke ! no more ? You seeme to be a thrifty Covenanter To play but at crowne Gleeke , whole piece Gleeke or nothing . Men. High as you please sir , wee 'l find money enough , And pay us but our buyings . Fer. Sir , you must ba●e mee Aces . You will play Tib and Tom. Doct. All i' the Cards sir . Fer. Away with cards . Bring dice , set all at hazard , And though I lose all , I have yet a project That at the end o' th' war , and the great sitting Shall fetch all in agen . But O my Muse ! How dare I so neglect thy inspirations ? Give me Pen , Inke and Paper . Doct. All 's ready . Fer. Now will I write , nor will I emulate Ovids smoth vaine , or Petraks buskind stile . Nor Laura , nor Corinna did deserve To have their prayers written ●n such Verse As I 'le bestow on her that I adore . Listen to me you blest Intelligences , And , Phebus , stay thy course to heare me sing Her prayses , for whose love th'inamor'd Gods Would leave their proper seates , and in stoine shapes , Converse with mortalls , your soule-ravishing spheres Send forth your sweetest harmony whilst I sing — But O shee is disdainfull ; and her scorne Hath blotted all the glory of her praise , Away , away with all . Doct. Now sir , doe you observe the roote of his Disease ? Men. I guesse at it , know you the remedy ? Fer. Disease ! what 's that ? who is diseas'd ? who wants a Remedy ? Are you sir a Phisitian ? Men. This Gentleman is , and brings you remedy , be you patient . Doct. O you will move him . Fer. You are a brace of Quacks , That tie your knowledge unto dayes and houres Mark'd out for good or ill i' th' Almanack . Your best Receipts are candy for a cold ; And Carduns Benedictus for an ague , Could you give life as Aesculapius Did to unjustly slaine Hippolitus , You could prescribe no remedy for me . Goe study Gallen , and Hippocrates , And when your rare simplicities have found Simples to cure the Lunacy of Love , Compose a potion , and administer't Unto the Family at Amsterdam . Doct. I 'le Phisick you to morrow and allay The heate of this strong fit , or Leach it out . Enter sir Raphael . Ra. I have venter'd to this house againe , assur'd That now the humerous Lady is from home Forgetting not her Love-trick put upon me Which she already boasts to my disgrace For which I may require her Ladyship , How dos your patient ? a sleepe ! That 's well . Men. No hee 's but silent sir , and it is well That he is so , so long . Ra. The Lords in honorable regard unto His health directed me to visite him . Fer. Who 's that ? Ra. Do you not know me sir ? Fre. You are ( I tak 't ) the Ghost of Dionisius The great tirannicall Court-schole-master . Ra. Your Friends at Court commend them to you Sir. Fer. What hither , unto hell ? Extend their loves So far , to finde me out ? Pray let 'em know That here 's a trobled world in want of Statesmen . But tell the youthes and beauties there , they never Shall finde a happier opportunity To raise a new Plantation . They 'l drive all Before 'em here . For pride is at a stand ; Fashions are all worne out , and no invention For new here to be found : all beauty 's lost ; Nor have the greatest Ladies here the act To make so much as their poore Chamberm●yds : Let 'em come downe , as many of the Gallants As are made weary of their Wives or Mistresses ; And , of those Wives and Mistresses , as many As can their husbands , or their servants spare : And what a yeare of Holy-dayes , a Jubile Shall we have in hell then ? Ha' old Lad ! Ra. What a wilde fancie 's this ! Doct. Crosse it not good sir . Ra. Pray give mee leave to touch it though , a little . Fer. But above all , finde out the Lady Strangelove That humorous Madam , and tell her from me , The many Lovers shee has sent before her Into these shades ( where we can find no torments Like those that shee inflicted ) have prevail'd With the great Queene Proserpina , that shee Shall be in place next to her royall person . Ra. The Lady Strangelove ! you are in her house sir , Where doe you thinke you are ? or who you are ? Pray call your selfe to mind sir , are not you The noble Cavalier and hopefull Courtier The most accomplish'd Knight sir Ferdinando ? Doct. Forbeare sir , you will move him strongly else . Ra. I have authority for what I do sir , Can you forget your selfe sir , or neglect The bounteous fortunes , that the Court and Kingdome Have in store for you , both for past Atchievments , And for the large endowments of court-vertue Are found still growing in you , studied and practis'd So to the life , as if you were built up Vertues own Mansion , on her foure firme pillars ? — Men. I hope he cannot flatter him into 's wits When 't is the way to foole men out of ' em . Ra. The Wisdome , Justice , Magnanimity , And temperance of court you are exactly Fram'd and compos'd of , and indued with all The excelencies that may adorne a man By Nature , Fortune , Art and Industry ! And all this glorious light to be eclips'd ; And such Divine perfections seeme to sleepe ? Fer. Pray sir your eare . Ra. Sir , most attentively . Fer. What do you thinke of Salsbury steeple sir , For a fit hunting speare t' incounter with The whore of Babilion ? might I not firke her thinke you ? Men. Your Doctrine dos not edify sir Raphael . Fer. Is Oratour Demostines growne dumbe O' th' sodaine ? what ! no answer ? give me a Knife He is but tongue-tied . Ra : Guard me Divinity . Doct. I told you what you would doe . Men. Patience good sir . Fer. Patience in tortures ? Doct. Helpe here sodainly ! Enter Servants . Fer. Do you sally forth in troupes ? Have I no troupe ? Give me my horse and armes , and come a hundred . Doct. Wee 'l arme and horse you , since y' are so unruly , Away with him into his Bed-chamber . Fer. O doe you make me then your Knight o' th' shir● A tun o' Wine for that . Shoulder your Knight , advance your Knight , beare him out . Manent Men. sir Rap. Al. A Ferdinand , a Ferdinand , &c. Men. This now to me is Musick , Golden chimes That rings all in with an assur'd advantage , How now Sir Raphael ! Frighted ? Ra. In all my disputations all my travailes , And all conspiracies that have bin had Aagainst me , never met I an incounter By man , or spirit that I feard so much , Yet here 's another fury . Enter Strangelove . Str. By what oppression or tiranny ( for Law I 'm sure could never do 't ) is my house here Confiscated or usurp'd , and I become your slave ? Men. How Madam ? Str. Your slave , lay your commands on mee , what drudgery doe you appoint me to ? Ra. Shee 's mad too . Men. Did not your Ladyship give way ? Str. To make my house a hell ? The noyse of Bedlem is soft Musick to 't . Could your Projectorship find no house else To make a mad-man madder in but mine ? And me as mad as he too with the trouble . Men. I was no principle in 't good Madam . Exit . Str. Was it your plot then sir Philosophaster , That so you might under pretext of reading Philosophy to him , to cure his madnesse Make your adresse to me to prosequte Your Love-suite when I thought I had answer'd you , But if you must proceede , o'recome me if you can , Yet let me warne you to take heede withall You pull not a disease unto you , that may By your ungovern'd hast post into Your grave : for I shall prove a torment to you , Though you 'l take no denyall , take yet a warning . Ra. I take it to forsake your house ; and never More to resort where madnesse raignes . Did I Make love to you ? Str. Pardon mee vertuous sir , it is my love to you that tortures mee into this wild distraction . O sir Raphael . Ra. Now vertue guide me . I will shun this place More then I would the Spanish Inquisition . Str. I shall in time be rid of all such Guests , And have the liberty of mine owne house With mine own company , and to mine own ends Where are you Phil ? I were but dead if I had not this wench to foole withall sometimes . Enter Phil. Phil. Madam . Str. I must be a little serious with you , shut the dore . Phi. Now am I call'd into correction , When shee is vext and wants the company Shee likes , then come I into question , 'T is common among Ladies with their women . Str. Why that down looke , as if you meant to fetch An answer , or excuse out of your Apron-strings Before you are charged or question'd ? what new faul● Has past of late ? Phi. Doe you read any Madam Upon my face or lookes ? I never was in love Much with my face , nor ever hated it . But if I thought It had upon 't , or in it , any trespasse Against your Ladyship ( my heart being cleare ) These Nayles should claw it out . Teare . Str. Nay be not passionate Phil. I know you cannot Forget the care I have had of you ; nor should you Distrust me in the promises I have made you , Bearing your selfe according to your covenant Phil , Of which one Article is to laugh with me . Ph. Go , you are such a Lady , ha , ha , ha . Str. Now thou comst to me wench : hadst forgot ? Phi. You said you would be serious . Str. Dost not thou know my seriousnesse is to laugh in private , And that thou art bound to stir that humour in me ? There 's but two things more condition'd in thy service ; To do what I bid thee , and tell me the truth In all things that I aske thee . Phi. I Madam , you had never known that same else ▪ Str. Of the clap thou hadst i' the Countrey e're I took thee , But hast thou faithfully kept thine own e're since ? Phi. Yes most severely Madam on your promise — Str. Well we will have a husband then to solder up the old crack , I have already made my choyce for you : Your sweete-heart Cit-wit makes most suite to you , And has a good Estate , and wit enough Too for a husband , and a handsome person . Phi. I finde no fault in all that . But he is So base a coward , that he may be soone Beaten out of his wit and money . Str. But if he should prove valiant ! Phi. If he were valiant now I could say something , But to wait for growing to 't were such a losse of time . Str. What say to Swayn-wit ? Phi. Hee 's the others extreame . I might feare him but never love him . Str. What think you of my speciall favorite Mr. Courtwit ? Phi. As of a Courtier Madam , that has tasted So much of all waters , that when he has a fountaine of his owne Hee 'l be too jealous of it . And feard that every man will drink of 's cup When perhaps none dares touch it , were I it . Str. What say to Dainty then the curious Limner ? Phi. I am bound from lying . Madam hee 's the man. Str. Well I 'le take thy cause in hand wench : But yet we are not merry . I am inclin'd most jovially to mirth me thinks . Pray Jove some good be towards . Laugh or I 'le pinch you , till you doe . Phi. Ha , ha , ha , ha , Madam , ha , ha , ha . O the picture drawer ! ha , ha , ha . Str. I , come , the Picture drawer . Phi. O , I love drawing and painting , as no Lady better , who for the most part are of their occupation that professe it . And shall I tell all Madam ? Str. By all meanes Phil. — now shee 's enter'd . Phil. I hope I am handsome enough too . For I have heard that Limners or Picture-drawers , doe covet to have th● fairest and best featur'd wives , ( or if not wives , Mistresses ) that they can possibly purchace , to draw naked Pictures by , as of Diana , Venus , Andromeda , Leda , or the like , either vertuous or lascivious ; whom they make to sit or stand naked in all the severall postures , and to lie as many wayes to helpe their art in drawing , who knowes how I may set his fancy a worke ? and with modesty enough . We were all naked once , and must be so againe . I could sit for the naked Shepherdesse , with one Leg over the tother Knee , picking the Thorne out of her Foote most neatly , to make the Satyre peepe under . Str. Well thou shalt have him . Boy . Mistris Philomel . Within . Str. Let in the Boy . Now sir your newes ? Boy . The mad Knights Doctor Madam intreats to speake with you . Str. Now seekes he may assistance in his cure . Boy . And Mr. Court wit , and the other Gentlemen are below . Str. Goe you and entertaine the Gentlemen , while I consult with the Doctor , let him enter . Enter Doctor . Now Mr. Doctor ! you come to aske my counsell I know for your impatient Patient . But let me tell you first , the most learned Authors , that I can turne over ; as Dioscorides , Avicen , Galen , and Hyppocrates are much discrepant in their opinions concerning the remedies for his disease . Doct. Madam — Str. Therefore I trust you 'l pardon my weaknesse , if my opinion jumps not altogether with your judgement . Doc. Madam , my purpose was not — Str. My purpose is to advise you though , that , if his Frenzie proceed from love as you conjecture , that you administer of the rootes of Hellebore , destill'd together with Salt peter , and the flowers of blind Netles , I 'le give you the proportions , and the quantity is to take . Doc. Mistake not me good Madam — Str. But if his Malady grow out of ambition , and his over weening hopes of greatnesse ( as I conjecture ) then he may take a top of Cedar , or an Oake-apple is very soveraigne with the spirit of Hempseed . Do. Madam , I seeke no counsell in this case , my cunning is — Str. To let me know , that that part of my house which I allow you is too little for you . Do. Shee 's surely mad . Str. But you must claime possession of the rest , You are come to warne me out on 't ; are you not ? Doc. Mistake not so good Madam . Str. Or do you call my attendance on his person , by way of a Nurse-keeper ? I can do little service . Doc. For my part Madam I am sorry we are made the trouble of your house , and rather wish me out on 't then your favour . But if your Ladyship will bee pleas'd to entertaine with patience the little I have to say . Stra. Come to it quickly then . Doc. First , let me tell you Madam , as 't is manifest You were the cause of his distraction , Y' are bound in charity to yeild such meanes ( With safety of your honor and estate ) As you may render for his restoration VVhich of all the earthly meanes depends on you If I know any thing in my profession . Str. Come to the point , you 'ld have me visit him . Doc. True Madam : for a sight of you , shall more Allure his reason to him , then all medicine Can be prescrib'd . Str. By your favour sir , you say Saving my honor and estate I am bound , But may I with the safety of my Life , And limbes and a whole skin dare venture . Doc. My life o' that . Str. You might more safely lay Lives of a hundred Patients . Doc. Now hee 's calme , Now shall he see you , but at most secure And modest distance . Str. Come for once I 'le trust you . Exit . Enter Swayn-wit , and Cit-wit . Sw. Come out into the Garden here ; and let them talke within , I say he shall talke with her ; and his belly full , and doe with her too , her belly full , for all thou : an honest discreet Gentleman , and thou a coward and a cockscombe . Besides he has an art and quality to live upon , and maintaine her Lady-like , when all thy money may be gone . And yet thou prat'st o' thy two thousand pound at use , when thou and thy money too are but an asse and 's load tho' . Cit. Well , you may speake your pleasure . This is no cause to fight for . Sw. I 'le make thee fight , or promise to fight with me , or somebody else before we part , or cut thee into pieces . Enter Court-wit . Cou. But tell me seriously dost thou love my Ladies woman so well as to marry her , and suffer the Picture-drawer now to court her privately , and perhaps to draw and carry her from thee ? Cit. Why he here will have it so you see , and pull'd mee out . Sw. It is to doe a cure upon thee , coward . Cit. Coward ! pish ! a common Name to men in buffe and feather . I scorne to answer to 't . Sw. Why dost thou weare a Sword ? only to hurt mens feet that kick thee ? Cou. Nay you are too severe . Sw. Pray hold your peace . I 'le jowle your heads together , and so beat ton with tother else . Why dost thou were a Sword I say ? Cit. To fight when I see cause . Cou. Now he sayes something , yet , and may be curable . Sw. What is a cause to fight for ? Cit. I am not to tell you that sir , It must be found out and given me before I ought to take notice . Cou. You may safely say for Religion , King or Countrey . Sw. Darst thou fight for Religion ? say . Cit. Who that has any Religion will fight I say ? Sw. I say thou hast none . Speake , hast thou any ? Cit. Truly , in this wavering world I know not how to answer . Sw. La you . Hee 'l say he has no King neither , rather then fight . Cou. Why if he will not fight for him he is no Subject , and no Subject no King. Cit. I thanke you sir , I would ha' said so . Sw. O thou wouldst make a speciall Souldier now ! Cit. Well sir , all are not choyce doggs that run , some are taken in to make up the cry . Sw. And for thy Countrey , I dare sweare thou wouldst rather run it then fight for 't . Cit. Run my Countrey I cannot , for I was borne i' the City . I am no clown to run my Countrey . Sw. Darst thou tell me of clowns thou cockney chicken-hearted whelp thou ? Cit. Forbeare good sir , there are countrey Gentlemen as well as clownes , and for the rank I honour you . Sw. Sirrah you lie , strike me for that now ; or I will beat thee abhominably . Cou. Up to him man : wilt thou suffer all ? Cit. I would — but — Sw. You lie I say againe . Cit. I thinke I doe , I thinke I doe , and why should I maintaine an evill cause ? Sw. The wench thou lov'st and doatest on is a whore . Cit. Sir , if she be 't is not my fault , nor hers : somebody else made her so then I warrant you . But should another man tell me so ! Sw. What then ? Cit. I would say as much to him as to you . Nor indeed is any mans report of that a sufficient cause to provoke mee unlesse shee her selfe confess'd it , and then it were no cause at all . Sw. Here 's a true City wit now . Cit. I should have wit sir , and am acounted a wit within the walls . I am sure my Father was Master of his company , and of the wisest company too i' the city . Cou. What company 's that ? Cit. The Salters sir . For sal sapit omnia you know . Sw. Your Father was a cuckold tho' , and you the Son of a whore . Cou. Fight now or you 'l die infamous , was your Mother a whore ? Sw. Deny 't and darst , say , was she not ? Cit. Comparatively shee might be in respect of some holy woman , the Lady Ramsey , Mistris Katherine Stubbs and such , ha , ha . Is that a cause ? Cou. What! not to say your Mother was a whore ? Cit. He may say his pleasure , It hurts her not : shee is dead and gone . Besides , at the best shee was but a woman , and at the worst shee might have her frailtie● like other women . And is that a cause for mee to fight for the dead , when wee are forbidden to pray for ' em ? Cou But were your Mother living now , what would you say or doe ? Cit. Why , I would civilly ask her if she were a whore ? If she confess'd it , then he were in the right , and I ought not to fight against him : for my cause were naught . If she deny'd it , then he were in an error , and his cause were naught , and I would not fight , 't were better he should live to repent his errour . Sw. Nay , now if I do not kill thee let me be hang'd for idlenesse . Draw. Cit. Hold I am unprepar'd . Sw. I care not — unlesse thou sweare presently , and without all equivocation upon this sword — Cit. Scabberd and all I pray sir , The cover of the book is allowd in courts to sweare upon . Sw. Well sir , now you shall sweare to challenge the next that wrongs you . sheathes it . Cit. Yes , if the wrong give me sufficient cause . Cou. Cause agen ! suppose that fellow within should take your wench from you ? which very likely he has done already : for I left 'em close on a couch together Kissing and — Cit. Gi' me the booke , I 'le have her from him , or him from her if he be without her belly , or Kill him if he be within her . Sw. T is well a cause may be found at last tho' . Cou. I like a man , whom neither Lie , Kick , Battoune , scandall , Friends , or Parents , the wrongs of Countrey , King or Religion can move , that will , yet , fight for his wench . Thou wilt be one of the stiffe blades o' the time I see . Sw. A wench is a moving cause : Vnseen Above . Str. Helpe , helpe , here helpe — ha — Sw. Why dost not draw and run in upon ' em ? Cit. After you I will sir . Sw. A pox upon thee art thou down agen ? Cit. No sir , I am drawn you see . Str. Help , help , a rape , a rape , murder , help ! Draw all Sw. Cou. T is time to fly then . Enter Dainty ( his sword drawne ) and Philomel . Cit. I come my Philomel . Cou. What 's the matter Phil ? Dai. What cry was that ? Sw. Was it not you that caus'd it sir ? Phi. Was it not here ? Cit. Was it not you that cry'd ? Str. Is there helpe , helpe , helpe ? Above . Phi. O t is my Lady in the Madmans chamber . Is her mirth come to this ? Sw. Where , which way ? Phi. Here , here the dore 's made fast . Exe. omnes Pret. Cit. his sword drawn . Doctor looks out above . Florish his sword . Sw. I 'le breake it open . Doc. Help here , help the Lady ; help the Lady . Cit. We are a comming , you shall have help enough I warrant , what 's the matter ? you shall not lack for help — Fer. Away Medusa . Hence , thou hast transformd me . Stone , stone , I am all stone . Bring morter and make a bul-wark of me . Above unseen Cit. O that 's the Mad-man ! How madly he talkes ! Fer. Hold me not down . Cit. Stones to make a bul-warke quoth a ! If he had but to make a brace of Demy-culvering bullets , they were thumpers I thinke . Fer. Hold me not down , but reare me up , and make me my own statue . Enter Strangelove , Swain-wit , Court-wit , Dainty . Phil. Str. Was ever such a practice ? Cou. A meere accident of madnesse . Str. I say it was a practise in the Doctor . Dai. Yet he calld out for help . Str. You had broke up the dore first . That was but to colour his trechery . Sw. A new way , and a very learned one I promise you ; to cure madnesse with a plaister of warme Lady-gutts . Cit. He would ha' had a mad bout with my Lady it seemes . He would ha' vented his madnes into her . And she could ha' drawn better then the Leaches . Cou. If you believe this Madam , tho' sir Ferdinand be by his madnesse excusable in the attempt , you ought to be reveng'd upon the Doctor . Sw. Let 's cut him into pieces Madam . Str. I 'le think upon some way to make him a dreadfull example to all the Pandarean Doctors i' the Towne . Come in Gentlemen , and helpe mee with your advices . Cit. You shall want no advise Madam . No strength , Let 's goe sir . He snatcheth Phil. from Dainty , who took her by the arm . Ph. What mean you Mr. Cit-wit ? Cit. I have sworne . Therefore I say no more , but I have sworne ▪ Exeunt Omnes . ACT IV. SCENE I. Enter Frederick Gabriel . Fre. THou art so honest , that I am asham'd The vice of Anger blinded so my Reason , As not to see through thy transparent breast A true and noble heart ; such as becomes A Kinsman and a friend to her I love ; I can see now , and read thy integrity , And , by the light of that th' inhumane false-hood Of that Court-monster , that compacted piece Of Rapine , pride and Lust . Gab. Yet this is he That did aspire to be a glorious Courtier . Fre. Courtier ? A meere vaine glorious imposture ; Pretending favour , having nothing lesse . Witnesse his want of Merit . Merit only It is that smoothes the brow of Majesty , And takes the comfort of those precious beauties Which shine from grace Divine : and hee 's a Traytor ( No way to stand a courtier ) that to feed His Lusts , and Riots , works out of his Subjects The meanes , by forging grants of the Kings favour . Gab. What my master has suffer'd by his forgeries I know to be the Shipwrack even of all Except his Daughter , and what his ayme at her Was I thinke appeares to you ; And what she might Have suffer'd by 't we both may guesse : onely we hope Her vertue would have bin a guard to her beauty . Fre. T is plaine he never lov'd her vertuously That is fallen mad for another . Gab. That madnesse is his fate ; which renders him into my masters hands to restore all agen . I , note the Justice of it . Fre. But as his fortune by the others ruine Shall be advanc'd , I shall be more rejected . Gab. That foule mistrust much misbecomes a Love Rejected sir ? by whom ? Charissa's constant to you , And time will cleare his frownes : and put you on Now , the same confidence you had before ; His wanting fortune rais'd a storme against you , Your noble friend Sir Raphael has already By learned reasons and court-oratory Prevayl'd for you to visit her : and now Y' are come within the verge o' th ' house , do you shrinke ? See , a good Omen , they issue forth to meet you . Enter Mendicant , sir Raphael , Charissa . Men. I 'le heare no more on 't sir , and am much sorry That so much Lip-labour is spent already Upon so vaine a Subject . Give me leave then To wonder at your light inconstancy , Your want of resolution : yea of judgement . Gab. He is flown off agen . Ra. Did you not give me leave to send for him ; Who , now is come to tender his affection Unto your Daughter ? Men. Did not you first promise Ferd ▪ Char. and Gab. aside To give assurance of fit joincture for her , Proportionable to her dowry , which You now are started from ? Ra. I understood not Nor can yet understand more of her dowry Then a thousand pound which her Unkle left her , And answerably to that I will make good her joincture . Men. O you are short sir , I meane to make her worth ten thousand more Out of my estate in the mad Ferdinand . Another ten thousand to redeeme my Land , Ten thousand more , I 'le keep in bank for purchace . Ra. A judgement 's fallen upon him : Hee 's mad too ; Struck lunatique with his o're-weening hopes Sprung from the others misery . Men. And so sir , as you came you may depart : For ' lesse you bring a thousand pound per annum T' assure upon her , shee 's no wife for you . Fre. O sir , you had better left me in that peace I lately slept in , without any hope Of seeing her againe , then by your summons To startle me back from a quiet death To Kill me thus with Tantalizing tortures . Men. Thank then your learned friend , who fail'd me in His undertaking for you , and for her If walls and locks can hold her , she no more Shall tantalize you . Ra. Wherein have I fail'd sir ? Men. Sir , in assuring joincture to her Dowry . Ra. Sir to no possible dowry you can give her , But you propound the estate you have i' th' Moon ; When shall you take possession , thinke you , of your Lordship of Lunacy in the Cynthian Orbe ? Men. I shall climbe thither sir without the helpe Of your Heaven-scaling ladder of Philosophy . Ra. Nay then sir heare me . Men. What in private sir ? Fre. Remember , sweet , your vow . Cha. Most constantly . And let mee conjure you by this . Kisse . Fre. And this — Cha. That you forget not yours . Gab. Quick , quick ! I 'le stand before you . Cha. And time at length will point us out a meanes After a short long-seeming separation To meet and reunite our vowes and faiths With greater strength and fervour . Men. Ha! I 'le part you . Was it for that you whisper'd , politick sir ? And couldst thou stand their screene ? thou treacher ou● varlet out of my dores . Gab. For what offence ? Men. Darst thou expostulate ? Thou death deserving Villaine . Hurts him . And Huswife get you in : you may depart sirs Has your love blinded you ? I 'le lead you then . Ra. Madnesse at heighth . Men. Will you along ! Cha. O sir you are unkinde . Love then a wilfull father is lesse blind . Exit . Ra. Friend , has he hurt thee ? Gab. I am sure I bleed for 't . Ra. Why how now Frederick ? despaire not man. He has vex'd me ; and out of my vexation Shall spring thy comfort . I will labour for thee , I 'le study nothing more then to beguile This watchfull fury ; this Hisperian Dragon . Say to thy selfe and boldly shee 's thine owne , And for thy meanes , ( Basta ) let me alone . Fre. You are my noble Patron . Gab. Turn'd away : As I was his servingman , I am rewarded ; T is common with us creatures to serv'd so : But , as I am no more his servant , I Am free to vindicate my ●el●e out of The wrong done to my blood ( which is the same With his , ) by him rejected and despis'd . Enter Cit-wit . Cit. Sir Andrew Mendicant at home ? Gab. Not to be spoken with at this time sir . Cit. Pray let him know that the Lady Strangelove Requires him sodainly to remove his Madman Out of her house ; or shee must take a course Much to his disadvantage . Gab. In good time sir . Cit. This is a surly fellow , and tho' I have sworn The humor of fighting is scarce warme in me yet , And she advises him to find a better Doctor for him , For this has taken a wrong course . Gab. Say you so sir ? Cit. I 'le tell 't you as a secret . The Physitian thought to have cur'd his patient , ( who has bin a notable Gamester at In and In ) between my Ladies legs . If I and two or three more ( but chiefly my selfe indeed ) had not rescued her , the Doctor had held the Lady-cow to the Mad-bull . Gab. May I believe this ? Cit. He thinks I lie now . And should he gi' me the lie , the vertue of my Oath were questionable . Gab. Is this upon your knowledge sir ? Cit. True upon my life . So farewell honest friend . Exit Gab. This may prove sport and businesse too . Ra. We will do something sodainly . Gab. What if you take me into that something too ? I guesse it is some stratagem to beguile The cautious father of his injur'd daughter . Ra. This fellow will betray us . Fre. I will venter All that I have , my fortune in Charissa On his fidelity , sir his thoughts are mine . Ra. Cupid and Mercury favour our designe . Ex. Om. ACT IV. SCENE II. Enter Court-wit , and Doctor . Cou. YOur judgement ( by your favour ) Mr. Doctor Much faild you in that case . Doc. Your reason yet may plead Mine innocence , that drew her but to visit him . Cou. But that drew on his fury ; and though reason May argue much for you , shee can heare none , Nor any understand : The swift affrightment Upon her strength of passion , struck so deepe A sense into her , that is has depriv'd her Of all her proper senses . She is even mad sir . Doc. Not past my cure ; and by a present meanes Pray , win her hither to see a madder object Then is her selfe , and see how that will worke . Cou. I 'le gladly ad my paines unto your skill . Exit . Doc. Come forth into the aire . Conduct him gently . Enter Frederick with the servants . Fre. Into the aire ! Set me upon Mount Lathmos , Where I may see , and contemplate the beauty Of my ador'd Diana ; or carry me Up to Hym●ttus top , Cytheron , Othris or Pindus Where shee affects to walke and take the ayre ; Or tarry , stay , perhaps shee hunts to day I' th' woods of Merathon , or Erymanthus . Doc. That 's a long journey sir . Fre. Y' are a long bearded foole . Doc. I thought I had been a Phisitian . But sir You shall not need t' expose your selfe to travell , Your Goddesse will descend into this Garden , Passe but time here a while and shee 'l come to you . Fre. We will have joviall pastime . Shall we run At base , or leape frog , or dance naked To entertaine her , or what do you thinke Of downe-right drinke and singing ? Doc. That 's best of all . Fer. Let 's have a mad catch then . Enter Court-Swaine-Strangelove . Cou. Here Madam may you see the Madmans Revels . Sw. And after that the Doctors Tragicomedy . Fer. Are not your wind pipes tun'd yet ? Sing A Catch . So now a Dance , I am all ayre — Ahaigh — Ahaigh I thanke thee Mercury that hast lent thy wings Unto my feete . Play me my Countrey Dance , Stand all you by . These Lasses and these Swaines Are for my Company . He Dances a conceited Countrey Dance , first doing his honours , then as leading forth his Lasse . He danceth both man and womans actions , as if the Dance consisted of two or three coupl●s , at last as offring to Kisse his Lasse , hee fancies that they are all vanish'd , and espies Strangelove . How now ! all vanish'd , ha ! It is no mervaile that the lesser lights Become obscur'd when Cynthia appeares , Let me with Adoration fall before Thy Deity great Goddesse . Str. Keepe him from me . Sw. You must approach no nearer sir . The Goddesse Is not so confident in her Divinity As to trust you in reach of her . Cou. Keepe back sir . Fer. What Hydras , Gorgons , and Chymaeras are you ; Centaures and Harpies that dare interpose Between my hopes , and my felicity ! Cou. Doctor , away with him . Doc. Carry him to his Chamber , And hold him down . His raging fit is on him Fer. Was Night made to surprise men at Noon-day ? Or shall the charmes of Heccate take force To dimne Apolle's brightnesse ? So 't must be , When Gods themselves give way to Destine . Exiunt with Ferd. Swa. pulls back the Doctor . Sw. They are enough to hold , and binde him too . Come you afore the Lady . Doct. What 's her pleasure ? Sw. T is to do Justice upon thee O Doctor Stirre , or cry out , or give the least resistance , And I will cut thy head off before judgement . Doct. What outrage doe you intend ? Cou. Outrage ! Can you thinke of an outrage above the horror you offerd to this Lady , To violate her chastity ? her honor ? Doct. You cannot say so . Sw. T is said , and you are guilty . Proceed to judgement Madam . Str. I first would heare your censures . Enter Cit-wit . Cit. And mine among the rest good Madam . I have taken care that a new Doctor shall be brought . Therefore in the first place my censure is , that this be presently hang'd out o' the way . Cou. That 's too high straind . What thinke you Madam , if to rectify his judgement , wee pick'd all the errours of his braine ; First , opening the Pericranion , then take out the cerebrum ; wash it in Albo vino , till it be throughy clens'd ; and then — Sw. Pox o' your Albo vino , and his cerebrum taking out , that were a way to kill him . Wee must not be guily of the death of a Dogleach , but have him purg'd a safer way . Str. How ? Proceed . Sw. We will fill his belly full of Whey , or Butter-milke , put him naked ●●to a Hogs-head , then put into the same an hundred broken Urinalls , then close up the Vessell and roll your Garden with it . Doct. I trust they cannot meane any such mischiefe . Str. Hearke yee Gentlemen . Do you heare ? A Guelders horne . Cit. Yes Madam , t is a Sowgelder . Str. Fetch in that Minister of Justice . Cit. Who Madam ? the Sowgelder ? Sw. Wee 'l make a Doctor guelder of him tho' , and my Lady be so minded . Cit. That will be sport indeed . Exit . Cou. But will you see the execution Madam ? Str. Why not as well as other women have Seene the dissections of Anotamies , And executed men rip'd up and quarter'd ? This spectacle will be comicall to those . Doct. They dare not doe the thing they would have me feare . Sw. Now Doctor you look heavily methinks , You shall be lighter by two stone presently . Doct. You will not murder me ? Sw. Stirre not ; nor make least noyse As you hope ever to be heard agen . Doct. I would I could pray now to any purpose . Enter Cit-wit , Guelder . Cit. I have brought him . The rarest fellow Madam , And doe you thanke your fortune in him Doctor , For he can sing a charme ( he sayes ) shall make You feele no paine in your libbing or after it : No Tooth-drawer , or Corne-cutter did ever worke With so little feeling to a Patient . Str. Sing then , he shall not suffer without a Song . Song . Sw. What must he be stript now ; or will letting down his breeches be enough ? Doct. You dare not use this violence upon me More rude then rage of Prentices . Cit. Doctor it is decreed . Doct. You cannot answer it . Cou. Better by Law then you can the intent Guelder whets his knife and all in preparation , Linnen , Bason , &c. Of Rape upon the Lady . Doct. That was not to have beene my act , nor was it done . Sw. When this is done wee 'l talke w' ye , come lay him crosse this Table . Hold each of you a Leg of him , and hold you your peace Dodipoll . And for his armes let me alone , do you work Guelder . Doct. Hold , I have a secret to deliver to my Lady . Sw. You shall be deliver'd of your secrets presently . Doct. If I tell her not that shall give her pardon Then let me suffer . Heare me sweet Madam . Str. Forbeare him , let him down . Sw. Sweet sayst ? Thou art not I 'le be sworne . Str. Well sir your weighty secret now to save your trifles . Doc. In private I beseech you Madam : for I dare but whisper 't . Str. You shall allow me so much warinesse as to have one at least to be my Guard , and witnesse . Doc. This Gentleman then Madam . Cit. We are shut out of councell . Sw. No matter . I list not be no nearer him : no more wou'd my cozen had he my nose . But where 's Mr. Dainty and your finicall Mistris Phil all this while tho' ? Cit. No matter , but I ha' sworn you know . Therefore I say no more , but I have sworn . Cou. VVhat a strange tale is this ! I can't believe it . Str. I doe , and did before suspect it : and fram'd this counterfet plot upon you , Doctor , to worke out the discovery : would I ha' seene you guelt dee think ? That would have renderd mee more brutish then the women Barbers . Looke sir this is no Guelder , but one of my house Musick . ( Goe , your part is done — Exit . And for th' affright you gave me , Doctor , I am even w' ye . Sw. The Devill fright him next for a spurging , skitter-brooke . 'T were good you would call to burne some perfumes Madam . Str. But for the secret you have told me I 'le keepe it secret yet , I will keepe you so too ; and from your Patient . Enter Boy . There 's a new Docter come already Madam to the madman . Str. From sir Andrew Mendicant ? Boy . His servant brought him . Doc. I pray what Doctor is it ? Str. Ingage your selfe with no desire to know , But , for the good you finde , fit thanks to owe ; So come with me , and come you Gentlemen . Ex. Omnes ACT IV. SCENE III. Enter Frederick in a Doctors habit , Gabriel with two swords under his cloake , Ferdinand upon a Bed bound , and held down by servants . Fer. HEape yet more Mountaines , Mountaines upon Mountaines , Pindus on Ossa , Atlas on Olympus , I 'le carry that which carries Heaven , do you But lay 't upon me ! Fre. Forbeare you 'l stifle him , Take off the needlesse weight of your rude bodies ; Unbind him and stand off , to give him ayre . Ser. Sir though you are a Phisitian , I am no foole . Take heede what you doe . Hee 's more then six of us hold when his hot fit 's upon him . He would now teare you to pieces should you let him loose . Fer. The danger then be mine . Let him sit up . Is not he civill now ? Ser. I , for how long ? do you note that Hercules eye there ? Fre. I charge you quit the roome . Ser. T is but to come agen when we are call'd . Fre. Be not within the hearing of a call , Or if you chance to heare me , though I cry Murder , I charge you come not at me . Ser. T is but a Doctor out o' the way ; and that 's no losse while there are so many , the best cannot live by the worst . Fre. Keep the dore fast . You are much mist abroad sir , And chiefly by the Ladies , who now want The Court-ships , Banquets , and the costly presents In which you wonted to abound to ' em . Ferd. Ha — Fre. Nay , nay , sit still sir . They say y' are mad ; Mad with conceit of being a favorite Before your time , that is , before you had merit More then a tumour of vaine-glory in you , And in especiall care for your recovery I am sent to administer unto you : but first To let you blood . Dagger . Ferd. Ho! Murder , Murder , Murder . Fre. Are you so sensible already ? do not stirre Nor cry too loud . Dos the meere apprehension Of blood-letting affright your madnesse ? Then Reason may come agen . Ferd. The Battaile of Musteborough Field was a brave one . Fre. O do you fly out agen ? Ferd. Sings part of the old Song , and acts it madly . Fre. This is pretty : but back from the purpose . He sings agen . Fre. Will you come to the point sir ? Ferdinand sings agen . Fre. We but lose time in this sir : Though it be good testimony of your memory in an old Song . But do you know me ? Ferd. Not know my Soveraigne Lord ? Curs'd be those Knees , and hearts that fall not prostrate at his Feete . Fre. This wild submission no way mittigates My wrongs , or alters resolution in me To Cure or Kill you quickly . Do you know me now sir ? Or have you known Charissa ? do you start sir ? Off his beard & gown . There 's signe of reason in you then : But bee 't By reason or by chance , that you awake Out of your frantick slumber , to perceive me , My cause and my Revenge is still the same , Which I will prosecute according to My certaine wrong , and not your doubtfull reason , Since reasonlesse you layd those wrongs upon me When you were counted wise , great , valiant , and what not That cryes a Courtier up , and gives him power To trample on his betters . Ferd. Who talkes this mortall to ? I am a spirit . Fre. Sure I shall finde you flesh , and penetrable . Ferd. I would but live to subdue the Pisidians , And so to bring the Lydians under tribute — Fre. You would but live t' abuse more credulous fathers With courtly promises , and golden hopes For your own lustfull ends upon their Daughters . Thinke ( if you can thinke now ) upon Charissa . Charissa who was mine , in faith and honour Till you ignobly ( which is damnably ) By a false promise with intent to whore her Diverted her weake Father from the Match To my eternall losse . Now whether you Have wit or no wit to deny 't , or stand to 't , Or whether you have one , or ten mens strength , Or all , or none at all I 'le fight or Kill you Yet like a Gentleman , I 'le call upon you Throw away his dags . Give me the Swords . They are of equall length Take you free choyce . Ferd. Pish . Run back . Fre. I cast that to you then . Hand it , or die a Madman . Ferd. O , ho , ho , ho. — Gab. All this sir to a Madam . Fre. I have a cause to be more mad then he , And in that cause I 'le fight . Gab. He knowes not what you tell him . Fre. I tell 't the Devill in him then to divulge it When I have dispossest him . I have further Reason to kill him yet , to crosse your Master , VVho has beg'd his Estate . Now fight or die a Mad-man . Ferd. Hold Frederick hold . Thou hast indeed awak'd Me to see thee and my selfe . Gab. Hee 's not so mad to fight yet I see that . Fre. I 'm glad you are your selfe sir , I shall fight Now upon honorable tearmes , and could Suppose before your madnesse counterfeit . Ferd. Yet hold . Has Mendicant beg'd me ? Fre. During your madnesse . VVhat should hinder him ? Ferd. Put up thy Sword. Fre. Upon no tearmes , and you alive . Ferd. Not to obtaine Charissa ? Fre. As you Guest sir . Ferd. It shall be by meanes if gold can win Her Fathers grant . Fre. That 's most unquestionable . Ferd. Not that I dare not fight , doe I urge this , But that the other is your safer way . Fre. Your gold 's too light . I will accept of nothing From you while you dare tell me you dare fight , Perhaps you doubt of ods , goe forth . Nay I VVill lock him out . Gab. You may : For I dare trust you while I go call the Lady . Exit . Fre. Now are you pleas'd , or dare you now to fight sir ? Ferd I neither will nor dare fight in this cause : Fre. This is a daring Courtier ! How durst you wind your selfe in so much danger ? And why take madnesse in you , to be bound , And grapled with so rudely ? Ferd. Keepe my councell , And take Charissa . Fre. T is a faire condition . Ferd. First for the wrong I did thee , noble youth In my designe against Charissa's honour , It is confess'd , repented ; and her selfe For satisfaction to be given to thee , I 'le fall upon thy Sword else , or be posted , And Ballated with all disgrace . Fre. VVell yet . Ferd. And for my shew of madnesse ; 't was put on For my revenge on this impetuous Lady To coole these flames ( as much of anger as D●sire ) with her disdaine , and tempting malice Had rais'd within mee . Fre. You would have ravish'd her . Ferd. I rather thought , she like a cunning Lady VVould have consented to a Madman , who She might presume could not impeach her honor By least detection : Monkeyes , Fooles , and Madmen , That cannot blab , or must not be believ'd Receave strange favours . Fre. And on that presumption You fain'd your madnesse . Ferd. True. Fre. But rather then to faile , With your bawd Doctors helpe you would ha' forc'd her : And that 's the councell you would have me keep On your assurance of Charissa to me ▪ That your proceeding in your madnesse here , May yet finde meanes and opportunity To exercise your violence . Ferd. Suppose so . Fre. Thou art not worth my Killing now . Justice will marke thee for the Hangmans Office : Nor , were Charissa in thy gift , were shee , In that , worth mine or any good acceptance , And for your councell , had within there Madam . Ferd. Frederick — Fre. The Lady of the house ! where are you ? VVill you be pleas'd to heare a secret Madam ? Strangely discover'd ? Enter Strangelove , Gabriel ; Doctor . Str. I doe not slight your act in the discovery , But your imposture sir , and beastly practise VVas before whisper'd to me by your Doctor To save his Epididamies . Doct. O your pardon . Fred. I am disgrac'd , undone . Str. T is in my power To make you the perpetuall shame of Court ; And will assuredly doe 't , if you comply not VVith me to make this injur'd Gentlemans fortune In his belov'd Charissa . Ferd. Madam most readily , I have offer'd it . Sw. I have forecast the way and meanes already : Which we must prosecute with art and speed . Good ends oft times doe bad intents succeede . Ferd. I 'le be directed by you . Fre. Noblest Lady . Exeunt Omnes . ACT V. SCENE I. Enter Swayn-wit , Court-wit , Cit-wit . Sw. COme Sir , must I take you in hand agen ? Cit. My Lady will convery her Madman to sir Andrew Mendicants it seemes . Sw. Tell mee that I know not ; and answer my questions . Cit. Shee and the Doctor , and the tother Doctor 's gone with him too . Sw. Leave you by flim flams , and speake to the purpose . Cit. You know I ha' sworne . Doe you not know I ha' sworne ? Sw. To live and die a beaten Asse ; a coward hast thou not ? Cou. Prethee forbeare him : Hee 's not worth thy anger . Sw. Anger ! Is every Schoole-master angry that gives Discipline with correction ? Cit. Would he were at Pensans agen . Sw. Didst not thou tell my Lady that I was a coward in my own Countrey , and Kick'd out of Cornewall ? Cit. Comparatively I thinke I did in respect of Corinees , that wrastled and threw Giant after Giant over the cliffs into the Sea. Sw. Pox o' your comparative lies ; And didst not thou say that he here was pepper'd so full o' the whats●● callums , that his spittle would poyson a Dog or a Rat ? Cit. That was comparatively too in respect of a pure Virgin ; a chrisome child or so . Cou. He never shall move me , I forgive him . Cit. Meerly comparatively I speake it . Sw. Forgi ' mee for swearing I 'le make thee speak● positively , or beat thee superlatively before I ha' done with thee . Enter Boy . Boy . Gentlemen , my Lady — Sw. Hold a little . Didst thou not say this child here was a Pickpocket ? and that he pickt thine of thy money , and thy watch , when he was singing betweene thy Leggs to day ? Boy . Who I a Pick-pocket ? Flies at him . Cit. Forbeare good Lady it was comparatively . Boy . A pick pocket ? Cou. Forbeare and hear him Hercules . Boy . Lend me a sword I 'le kill him , and heare him afterwards . Cou. Nay I must hold you then . How was hee comparatively your Pick-pocket ? Cit. That is as much as any man I know ; That is I accuse nobody ; that is all are as innocent as the child , and hee as the innocent unborne . And let that satisfy you . Boy . Live. I am satisfied . Now Gentlemen my Lady prayes you to follow her to sir Andrew Mendicants . Cou. I know the businesse , 'T is about our Revells . Sw. Suffer a child to beat thee ! Cou. His cause was bad you know . Sw. Incorrigible coward ! Say now ; art not thou thy selfe a pick-pocket , and a cut-purse ? say . Cit. Comparatively it may be said , I am to a Church-warden , a Collector for the poore or such . Sw. The conclusion is , that if ever I heare thou mentionst my name agen in any sense whatsoever , I 'le beat thee out of reason . Cit. In my good wishes , and prayers I may : Heaven forbid else . Sw. Not in your prayers sir , shall you mention me , you were better never pray . Cit. Heaven forbid I should then ! Sw. And make thine Oath good on that flie fellow that has taine away thy wench , or — Cit. He has not tane her yet . Cou. You ha' not seene her or him these two houres ; has not my Lady call'd too , and shee not to be found ? Cit. True , true : and if I be not reveng'd . Sw. Do 't then now , while thou art hot . Shee comes , here take , and keepe her while thou art hot and hast her . Enter Philomel and Dainty . Phi. Is she at your dispose sir ? Court takes aside with Dainty . Cit. Your Lady gave you me . Phi. Or am in her gift ? Cit. You are in my possession , nor shall Lucifer dispossesse me of her . Phi. So valiant on a sodaine ! Cit. Have I not cause ? Phi. You 'l have me with all faults ? Cit. Yes , and a match forever . Kisse . Sw. How meanes shee by all faults ? Cit. A word shee alwayes uses in waggery . Cou. By all meanes take her from him . What! affraid of a coward ? Sw. You must do 't or take the share , hee should ha' had a down-right beating . Forgi ' me for swearing , hee 's a veryer coward then tother . Cou. Hee will serve the betrer to flesh him . And do but note his tiranicall rage that is the vanquisher . Sw. You will on . Dai. Sir shee is mine by promise . Cit. Shee 's mine by act and deed sir according to the flesh , let her deny 't and she can . Dai. That shall be try'd by Law. Cit. By Law of armes and hands it shall , take that , and let her goe . Dai. Beare witnesse Gentlemen he struck me . Phi. O pittifull Picture-drawer ! Cit. Will you not draw ? I will then . Draw. Dai. What would you have sir ? If shee be yours take her . Cit. That 's not enough , I will make thee fight , what blindnesse have I liv'd in ! I would not but be valiant to be Cesar . Cou. O brave Cit , O brave Cit. Sw. Why dost not draw thou fellow thou ? Dai. Shee 's his he sayes ; and she denies it not , shall I fight against him for his own ? Cit. I 'le make thee fight , or cut thee into pieces . Cou. He turnes your words over to him . Cit. VVhy dost thou weare a sword ? onely to hurt mens feet that Kick thee ? Kick. Cou. Doe you observe ? Nay thou art too severe . Cit. Pray hold your peace , I 'le jowle your heads together and so beat ●on with tother else . Sw. Forgi ' me for swearing . Hee 'l beat 's all anon . Cit. VVhy dost thou weare a Sword I say ? Dai. Some other time sir , and in fitter place . Cit. Sirrah you lie , strike me for that , or I will beat thee abominably . Dai. You see this Gentlemen . Phi. And I see 't too , was ever poor wench so couzend in a man ? Cit. The wench thou lov'st and doat'st on is a whore . Phi. How 's that ? Cit. No , no , That was not right , your father was a cuckold tho' , and you the sonne of a whore . Sw. Good , I shall love this fellow . Dai. I can take all this upon account . Cit. You count all this is true then . Incorrigible coward ! what was the last vile name you call'd mee Mr. Swain-wit ? O I remember , sirrah thou art a Pick-pocket and a Cut-purse ; And gi' me my money agen , and him his or I will cut thy throat . Dai. I am discover'd . Cit. Doe you answer nothing , doe you de●urr● upon 't ? Dai. Hold sir I pray ; Gentlemen so you will grant me pardon , and forbeare the Law I 'le answer you . Cou. Sw. Agreed , agreed . Dai. It is confess'd : I am a Cut-purse . Cit. Comparatively or positively doe you speake ? Speake positively , or I will beat thee superlatively . Sw. Forgi ' me for swearing a brave Boy . Dai. Here is your VVatch , and Money ; And here is yours . Now as you are Gentlemen use no extremity . Cou. Beyond all expectation ! Sw. All thought . Cit. Miraculous ! O the effects of valour ! Phi. Was ever woman so mistaken o' both sides ? Sw. But dost thou thinke thou art valiant for all this tho' ? Cit. You were best try ; or you , or both , or come all three . Sw. I sweare thou shalt have it to keepe up while thou art up . Cit. Is this your picture-drawing ? are you the Kings Picture-drawer ? A neat denomination for a Cut-purse , that drawes the Kings Pictures out of men Pockets . Cou. Come sir , come in with us . Dai. Pray use me Kindly Gentlemen . Cit. Yes , wee will use you in your kind sir . Takes Phil by the hand . Exeunt Omnes . ACT V. SCENE II. Enter Mendicant , a Letter in his hand . Men. THis is the day of my felicity , And is the same with that the Poet Sings Is better then an Age. Come forth Charissa , Enter Charissa . Now you appeare my comfort ; and I can No lesse then thanke thy sweet obedience That hast comply'd with my directions , Bride-like and glorious to meet a fortune , So great as shall beget the present envy Of all the Virgin Ladies of the Court , And a posterity , that through all ages , Shall praise and magnify thy act . Cha. Your acceptation of my duty sir Is all that I can glory in . Men. How are we bound unto this noble Lady ▪ That sent us our instructions . Cha. Sure I am . If this be a true Coppy . Men. Let Musick in her soft but sweetest notes Usher their welcome , whilst unto my thoughts Musick The lowdest harmony resounds my triumph . Enter Doctor , and Fred. in Doctors habit , Strange , Priest , Ferd. in the chair as before borne by servants , Fab. as one of the servants . Madam most welcome . Str. In fewest and the softest words sir Andrew . ( He sleepes ) and let him gently be convey'd Onely with those about him to his Chamber . Men. Charissa , go : be you his conduct , softly , softly . I see y 'ave brought a Priest Madam . Ext. Om. Pret. Mend. & Strang. Str. By all best reason , For when we found he us'd Charissa's Name , When he was calme and gentle , calling still Charissa ! where 's Charissa ? a good space Before he slept , and being then demanded What would he with Charissa ? He most readily Reply'd , Fetch me Charissa and a Priest . The Doctors in their judgements ( unto which My full opinion assented ) might Foresee , that in removing him , where she Might be his immediat object , when he wakes , That fresher flames to instant marriage Would then arise . Men. Incomparably judicious Madam . Str. Yet not without your leave would I attempt it : Without your leave , knowing your watchfull care Over your Daughter . Men. And that care of mine Was ( Madam ) by your favour Principall motive to this great effect . Str. Take all unto your selfe , I am content . Men. I 'd faine steale in and watch th' event of things . Str. But have you heard sir Andrew the mischance Of the unfortunate Lover , distracted Frederick ? Men. How ! what of him ? Str. H' has made himselfe away . Men. I st possible ? Str. ( Hee has by this time , or the Priest is tongue-ty'd ▪ ) Men. He has left no estate worth begging , that 's the worst of'● . My joyes come flowing no me — yet I would see . Str. And heare me good Sir Andrew , for the Love I bring to ad unto your joyes : for I Foreseeing the event of this nights happinesse Have warn'd some friends to follow me with Revells To celebrate the Marriage of your fortunes . See they are come . Pray entertaine 'em sir . Enter Court. Swayn . Cit-wit , Dainty , Phil. Boy . Men. The Gallants that were to day so merry with mee . Str. The same : but very harmelesse . Cit. All but one sir . Did you not lose your purse to day ? Str. What 's the meaning ? Cou. Sw. Wee 'l tell you Madam . Men. My purse ? ( I mist it at my Lady Strangeloves . ) Cit. This Picture-drawer drew it , and has drawne more of the Kings-pictures then all the Limners in the Towne . Restore it sirrah . Men. I will not take it , 't was my nelect that lost it , not he that stole it . This is my day of fortune ; it comes home to me ; more then I dare receive . O my joyes , let me be able to containe you . Cit. Ha' you another purse to lose ? Men. I have a purse ; which if I lose , I 'le blame my selfe , none else . Cit. Let him but come so neare you as to aske forgivenesse for the last , and if he doe not take the next , though it be six fadome deepe i' your pocket I 'le hang for him when his time comes . Men. I 'le watch his fingers for that . Sit. Cou. Observe good Madam . Dai. Sir at your feet I beg your pardon . Men. It needs not , prithee rise . Dai. Never , till you pronounce that happy word I pardon thee : or let me have some token Of sweet assurance that I am forgiven Which I beseech you — I beseech you grant . Men. In sooth thou hast it . Heaven pardon thee as I doe . Dai. I have it sir indeed , and as your gift I 'le keepe it , promising before all these witnesses , I 'le never venter for another . Men. Fore me an expert fellow ; Pitty he should be hang'd before we have more of his breed . Cit. Did not I tell you sir ? And these are but his short armes ; I 'le undertake , when he makes a long arme , he shall take a purse twelve skore off . Men. I doe not like Thieves handsell though , This may presage some greater losse at hand . Sw. Now Gentlemen you know your taske , be expeditious in 't . Cou. I have cast the designe for 't already Madam . My inventions are all flame and spirit . But you can expect no great matter to be done extempore or in six minutes . Sw. What matter i st so wee skip up and downe ? our friend Jack Dainty here , Mr. Cut-purse dances daintily tho' . Str. And Mr. Cit-wit , you have worthily wonne my woman sir . Cit. I have her Madam , she is mine . Str. I 'le make her worth a thousand pound to you , besides all she has of her own . Cit. Her faults and all Madam , we are agreed o' that . Phi. Suppose this Boy be mine . Cit. I would he were else , that I might have him under lawfull correction , and the cause o' my side : for he beat me not long since . Boy . And you be my father , and do not make much of me and give me fine things , I 'le beat you agen so I will ; and my mother shall helpe me . Cit. Agree'd Billy , agreed Philly . Never was man so sodainly , so rich ; Nay never looke Gentlemen , shee is mine , and hee 's mine own , I am sure I ha' got him now ; And all faults are salv'd . Sw. Her word in waggery is made good in earnest now tho' . Str. To your busines Gentlemen ; if you have a short speech or two , the boy 's a prety Actor ; and his mother can play ▪ her part ; women-Actors now grow in request . Sir Andrew ! melancholly ? They consult . Men. I was thinking on the omen of my purse . Court draws his Tables and retires to Phil , writes & sometimes shewes her . Str. Fear no further mishap sir ; t is ominous to feare . Men. Pray let 's go in and see how things proceed . Str. Pray give mee leave to make the first discovery ; Walke downe into the Garden , I 'le come to you ; And here are some would speak with you . Ex. severally . Enter two Projectors . 1. Into the Garden , good , let 's follow him . 2. T is not the repulse he gave us in the morning shall quit him of us . 1. No now his superintendent 's turn'd away , wee 'l once more fill his head with millions . Exit . Dai. I 'le make the Dance , and give you all the footing . Practise footing . Sw. Stand further off o' my Pocket tho' . Cit. No matter if we lose any thing , and he within ten miles of us I 'le make him answer 't . Dai. I want a fift man , I would have an od . Enter Doctor . Doc. The Marriage is perform'd . The Priest has done his office — Sw. Doctor can you dance ? Doc. And sing too , I ha' forgot much else . Phi. I 'le speak the Speech : Ha' not I forgot my Actors tone tro ? I shal remember 't , I could have acted'em all ore . Boy : I can speak a Speech too Mother , must I call you Mother now ? Phi. I my Boy , now I dare vouch thee . Doc. What think you of this tune sir for your dance ? Tay d ee ▪ d ee , &c. Dai. I 'le borow a Violl and take it of you instantly . Ex. Enter sir Raphael . Pray sir , is sir Andrew Mendicant i' the house . To Court-w . Cou. Umh — He writes in his tables sometimes scratching his head , as pumping his Muse . Is he within sir , can you tell ? He 's too busie it seemes . Can you tell me sir I pray , if sir Andrew be within ? To Cit-wit as he mov'd toward him , Cit-wit Dances looking on his Feete , &c. Very strange ! among what Nation am I arriv'd ? Here 's one in civill habit sure will answer me , Sir may I be inform'd by you ? saw you sir Andrew ? The Doctor stretches his Throat in the Tune . Ra. Te precor domine Doctor . He sings on . They are no Christians sure . Sir may I be inform'd by you ? To Swayn . He whistels & Dances Sellingers round , or the like . Blesse me ; the people are bewitch'd . Enter Dainty . Do you belong to the house sir ? To Dainty , he fidls to him & the 4 dancing & singing practise about him . I hope for curtesie here Lady wil you be pleas'd — To Phil. she speaks in a vile tone like a Player . Phi. O by no meanes , we must speake Charon faire , O● hee 'l not waft us o're the Stigian Floud , Then must we have a sop for Cerberus To stop his yawning Chaps ; Let me alone To be your Convoy to Elizium . Ra. This is most heathenish of all . Dainty playes softly & Doctor with him aside . Phi. I 'le pass that snarling triple-headed Cur Which keeps the pallace-gate of Pluto's Court , And guide you safe through pitchy Acheron . Ra. What Woman Monster 's this ? Sweete young Gentleman , let me aske you a question . Boy . Grim death , why rather didst thou not approach My younger dayes ; before I knew thy feares ? Thy paines are multiplied by our yeares . Ra. All Lunatick ? or Gentlemen , do you want leasure O● civility to answer me ? Cit. Ha' you done the speeches Mr. Court wit ? Cou. I have already from the forked top Of high Parnassus fetcht ' em . Cit. And shall my wife and Billi boy speake ' em ? Cou. As I 'le instruct you . Cit. You write admirably I confesse ; But you have a● ill tone to instruct in ; I 'le read to 'em my selfe , you give your words no grace . Doc. You have the tune right , will you instruct the Musick men ? Dai. And you all in the Dance imediately . Sw. But shall we have no silken things , no whim wham● To Dance in tho' . Cit. Perhaps the Bride can furnish us . Sw. With some of her old Petticotes , can she ? Phi. No , no my Lady has tane care for all . Dai. Come , come away to practise , and be ready . Ex● . Ra. Never was I in such a Wildernesse . Om. Fidling , Footing , Singing , Acting , &c. But my revenge upon Sir Mendicant Shall answer all my patience , in the Jeere I meane to put upon him . I will possesse him with a braine-trick , now , A meere invention of mine own ( wherein Heaven pardon me for lying ) shall so nettle him . Enter Mendicant , and Projecters . Men. Goe back and be not seene till I come to you . Ex. Pro. Ra. Hee 's come . Ha' you heard the newes sir Andrew ? Men. What sir Raphael ? Ra. That Ferdinand 's restor'd to 's wits . Men. I am glad on'● . Ra. Do you take the losse of his estate so mildly Which might ha' bin your own ? Men. I hope you thinke mee a Christian sir , but how should he arrive at such a sodaine knowledge of it , if it be so ? I will pretend t is true , yes sir , he is in 's wits . Ra. I thought I had ly'd when I did prophesie : But sir my Nephew Fredrick — Men. Has made himselfe away , I heard o' that too . Ra. ( I hope not so ) yet there 's another accident Of which you have not heard , may touch you nearer , And that indeed 's my businesse , you sir , furiously Wounded your Man to day . Men. Not dangerously I hope . Ra. Flatter not so your selfe ; Hee 's on the point of dying . Men. How ! Ra. Nor be too much dejected , His life you may get off for ( as 't was done In heat of blood ) marry sir your estate ( You 'l pardon me ) is beg'd ; my selfe has don 't , And therein , beg'd the Begger . Men. Ha! Ra. Take not too deepe a sense of it : For if you 'l yeild That Frederick yet shall have it with your Daughter , I will remit the Estate . Men. O is it so ? Do you move this for a dead man ? Ra. No , he lives . Men : Do you practise on me ? Madam where are Enter Strange . Ferd. Fred. Charissa . Gabriel behind . Str. Here sir , and am become your Usher to such guests you ? As you must bid most welcome . Mend. stands amaz'd Ra. She here ! i 'm then agen confounded . Str. Nay sir Raphael , I potest we will be friends notwithstanding I have outstript you in your plot of matching your Nephew Frederick , here to his love Charissa . Ra. But is it so ? — Fred. It is , in which I hope sir you are not offended , Who gave me leave by any opportunity To take her , I broke no locks nor walls for her . Cha. I beg your pardon , and your blessing sir . Ra. And is it so with you sir Ferdinand ? Ferd. It is , and sir in testimony of my recovery , I make demand of my estate : of which you thought your selfe possest . Men. What hopes am I fallen from ? and what misery fallen into ; when the little I have is beg'd for Manslaughter ! Gab. I quit you of that sir . Men. How couldst thou deale so with me ? Gab. To shew my gratitude . You overpaid me for all my former services , For which I justly thought I ought you this . Ferd. Nor thinke your Daughter undervalued sir , Three thousand pound I give him to augment Her fortune in him . Men. Dreames , dreames , All these are waking Dreames . Ferd. All reall truth sir , whither flie you from us ? Men. Am I of all defeated ; and by all Abus'd and mock'd ? More roome there : let me● goe . Ferd. You mistake strangely . Florish . Str. Harke ! the Revellers . Fer. That come to celebrate your joyes , which wilfully You will not apprehend . Men. T is all but shew , Let go , and I will do Something shall ad to your delight imediatly . Exit . Str. Let him goe and weare ou● his fit by himselfe . Florish . Enter Boy , and Philomel , as Cupid and Venus . Boy . Venus and Cupid , my Mother and I — Helpe me . — I have it now . Venus and Cupid ; my Mother and I Helpe me agen ▪ Noe , no , no. Venus and Cupid ; my Mother and I , Let me alone . Venus and Cupid my Mother and I. Fred. There 's an Actor now ! Fre. How doubtfull of himselfe ; and yet how perfect he was ! Ra. A selfe mistrust is a sure step to Knowledge . Str. Sententious sir Raphel . Ra. Quarrells are ended Madam . Ferd. Come hither Cupid . Phi. From my Italian Mount I did espy ( For what is hidden from a Deity ? ) How faintly Hymen did his Office here Joyning two Lovers with the hand of feare ; Putting his Torch out for obscurity ; And made the Chamber ( which belongs to me ) His Temple . But from hence let feare remove . See here , the Champions for the Queene of Love. 1 Courage , sent from Mars ; The 2 Muses kill . From wise Apollo . And the God , which still Inspires with subtilty , sly Mercury Sends this his 3 Agent . Here 's 4 Activity From 5 Jupiter himselfe ; And from her store Of Spies , the Moon sends This to keepe the dore . With Art of Action , now , make good the place , In right of Love to give the Nuptialls Grace . After they have Danc'd a while , Enter Projectors , breakes 'em off . Pro. Lay by your Jolity , forbeare your Sport , And heare a story shall inforce your pitty . Fer. What black Tragedian's this ? Ra. Some Nuntius sent from Hell. Ga. One of my Masters Minions , a Projector . Pro. You had a Master : But to all I speake . Your practises have sunk him from the Comforts Of all his hopes in fortune , to the Gulfe Of deepe despaire ; from whence he rose inflam'd With wild distraction and phantastick fury . Fer. Hee 's mad ; is he ? Pro. Mad , and has hang'd himselfe — Cha. Alas my Father . La. How ! hang'd himselfe ? Pro. All over sir , with draughts of Projects , Suits , Petitions , Grants , and Pattents , such as were The Studies and the Labours of his Life , And so attir'd he thinks himselfe well arm'd T' incounter all your scornes . Enter Mendicant attir'd all in Patents ; A Wind-mill on his head , and the other Projector . Men. Roome here : a Hall for a Monopolist , You , Common-wealths informers lead me on . Bring me before the great Assembly . See , Fathers Conscript , I present all I have For you to cancell . Sw. Here 's a brave shew , and out-shines our devise . Men. This is a Patent for the taking of poor John and Barrell-cod alive , and so to preserve 'em in salt-water for the benefit of the Fishmongers . Cou. There 's salt in this . Sw. I this has some savour in'● . Men. This is a fresh one sir , For the catching , preservation , and transportation of Butter-flies : whereby they may become a native commodity . Cou. That 's a subtle one . Men. This is for profits out of all the Common-Cryes i' th' City , As of — Oysters — Codlings — wood to cleave , Kitching stuffe , and the thousand more , even to the Matches for your Tinder-box , and all Forrainers to pay double ; And a Fee out of the Link-boyes profits . But no cries to escape . T is for a peace . Dai. What if some should cry Murder , murder ? Cit. Or Theeves , theeves ? Cou. Or Fire , fire ? Sw. Or women cry out five Loves a penny ? Men. All all should pay . But I submit My selfe to your most honorable censure . Cit. What dos he take us for ? Sw. Powers , Powers ; A lower house at least . Men. And all my patents to be conceal'd . Sw. Our Projects would not take with you , wee 'l take yours tho' . Dai. He shall dance out of 'em : Musick ! Play out our Dance , we will dis●obe you presently . Cit. Yes , and dismantle his Projectors too . They all Dance . In the Dance they pull off his Patents ; And the Projectors Clokes , who appeare all ragged . At the end of the Dance the Projectors thrust forth . Fer. An excellent Morrall ! The Projects are all cancel'd , and the Projectors turnd out o' dores . Men. True Gallants , and now I am my selfe agen , I saw th' event of all with good esteeme . And would as well as you a Madman seeme , And now my blessings on your Son and Daughter . Sw. This Bride , Dame Venus here , cooles all this while tho' . Dai. By Mr : Bride-groomes leave , I 'le stirre her blood a little for the good meaning shee had towards me . Cit. You may doe so . He dare's not pick her pocket , And for her Maidenhead I dare trust him tho' he should Dance quite out of sight with her . Dance . While they Dance the rest confer . Ra. 'T is well : And all are friends . Fer. You have my potestation : and in that , Madam , my faith before these noble friends . Str. Upon those honourable tearmes sir Ferdinando I will be yours . Cit. Shee l ' have him , it seemes at last . Sw. Shee 's a wise widdow by'● : for sure enough , she saw something in his mad naked fit , when hee put her to 't , to choose a husband by , wo' not out of her thought yet . What is there more to say now Madam ? Str. You question well . Sw. But to Supper and to bed ? Str. You consider well . Sw. We have had other pastime enough . Str. You reason well , Would all were pleas'd as well T' absolve that doubt , to those we must appeale . FINIS . EPILOGUE . Strang. LAdyes , your suffrages I chiefly crave For th' humble Poet. T is in you to save Him , from the rigorous censure of the rest ▪ May you give grace as y' are with Beauty blest . True : Hee 's no dandling on a Courtly lap , Yet may obtaine a smile , if not a clap . Ferd. I 'm at the Cavaliers . Heroick spirits , That know both to reward , and atchieve merits , Do , like the Sun-beames , vertuously dispense Vpon the lowest growths their influence , As well as on the lofty : our Poet so By your Phebean favours hopes to grow . Cit. w. And now you generous spirits of the City That are no lesse in money then braine wity , My selfe , my Bride , and pretty Bride boy too , Our Poet for a Boun preferres to you . Phil. And though you tast of no such Bride-ale Cup , He hopes y' allow the Match to be clapt up . Boy . And , if this Play be naught ( yes so he said ) That I should gi' yee my Mother for a Mayd . Swa. And why you now ? or you ? or you ? I 'le speak enough for you all , you now would tell the Audients they should not feare to throng hither the next day : for you wil secure their Purses cut-free , and their pockts pick-free . T is much for you to do tho' . And you would say that all your projects are put down , and you 'l take up no new : but what shall be ( spectators ) to please you . And you Poetick part induces you , t' appologize now for the Poet too , as they ha' done already , you to the Ladies , you to the Cavaliers and Gentry ; you to the City friend , and all for the Poet , Poet , Poet , when all 's but begging tho . I 'le speak to 'em all , and to my Countrey folkes too if here be any o 'em : and yet not beg for the Poet tho' , why should we ? has not he money for his doings ? and the best price too ? because we would ha' the best : And if it be not , why so ? The Poet has shewd his wit and we our manners . But to stand beg , beg for reputation for one that has no countenance to carry it , and must ha' money is such a Pastime ! — If it were for one of the great and curious Poets that give these Playes as the Prologue said , and money too , to have 'em acted ; For them , indeed , we are bound to ply for an applause . Because they look for nothing else , and scorn to beg for themselves . But then you 'l say those Playes are not given to you ; you pay as much for your seats at them as at these , though you sit nere the merrier , nor rise the wiser , they are so above common understanding ; and tho' you see for your love you will judge for your money , why so for that too , you may . But take heed you displease not the Ladies tho' who are their partiall judges , being brib'd by flattering verses to commend their Playes ; for whose faire cause , and by their powerfull voyces to be cry'd up wits o' Court , the right worshipfull Poets boast to have made those enterludes , when for ought you know they bought 'em of Universitie Scholars tho' , and onely shew their own wits in owning other mens ; and that but as they are like neither . As thus , do you like that Song ? yes ▪ I made it . Is that Scene or that Jest good ? Yes , T was mine ; and then if all be good 't was all mine . There 's wit in that now . But this small Poet vents none but his own , and his by whose care and directions this Stage is govern'd , who has for many yeares both in his fathers dayes , and since directed Poets to write & Players to speak , till he traind up these youths here to what they are now . I some of 'em from before they were able to say a grace of two lines long to have more parts in their pates then would fill so many Dry-fats . And to be serious with you , if after all this , by the venemous practise of some , who study nothing more then his destruction , he should faile us , both Poets and Players would be at losse in Reputation . But this is from our Poet agen , who tels you plainly all the helps he has or desires ; And let me tell you he has made prety merry Jigges that ha' pleas'd a many . As ( le'me see ) th' Antipodes , and ( oh I shall never forget ) Tom Hoyden o' Tanton Deans . Hee 'l bring him hither very shortly in a new Motion , and in a new paire o' slops and new nether stocks as briske as a Body-lowse in a new Pasture . Meane while , if you like this , or not , why so ? You may be pleas ' to clap at parting tho' . FINIS . THE CITY WIT , OR , The VVoman wears the BREECHES . A COMEDY . LONDON , Printed by T. R. for Richard Marriot , and Thomas Dring , and are to be sold at their Shops in Fleet-street , 1653. The Prologue . Quot quot adestis , salvete , salvetote Gentlemen , YOu see I come unarm'd among you , sine Virga aut Ferula , without Rod or Ferular , which are the Pedants weapons . Id est , that is to say , I come not hither to be an Instructor to any of you , that were Aquilam volare docere , aut Delphinum natare , to teach the Ape , well learned as my selfe . Nor came I to instruct the Comedians . That were for me to be Asinus inter simias , the fool o' the Company : I dare not undertake them . I am no Paedagogus nor Hypodidascalus here . I approach not hither ad erudiendum , nec ad Corrigendum . Nay I have given my Schollars leave to play , to get a Vacuum for my selfe to day , to Act a particle here in a Play ; an Actor being wanting that could beare it with port and state enough . A Pedant is not easily imitated . Therefore in person , I for your delight have left my Schoole to tread the Stage . Pray Jove the terror of my brow spoile not your mirth , for you cannot forget the fury of a Tutor , when you have layne under the blazing Comet of his wrath , with quaeso Praeceptor te precor da — &c. But , let feare passe , nothing but mirth's intended . But I had forgot my selfe , A Prologue should be in Ryhme , &c. therefore I will begin agen . Kind Gentlemen , and men of gentle kinde , There is in that a figure , as you 'll finde , Because weeltake your eares as 't were in Ropes , I le nothing speak but figures , strayns & tropes . Quot quot adestis Salvete salvetote . The Schoolemaster that never yet besought yee , Is now become a suitor , that you 'll sit , And exercise your Judgement with your wit , On this our Comedy , which in bold Phrase , The Author sayes has past with good applause In former times . For it was written , when It bore just Judgement , and the seal of Ben. Some in this round may have both seen 't , and heard , Ere I , that beare its title , wore a Beard . My sute is therefore that you will not looke , To find more in the Title then the Booke . My part the Pedant , though it seem a Columne Is but a Page , compar'd to the whole volume . What bulk have I to bear a Scene to passe , But by your favours multiplying Glasse . In nova fert Animus , then I le do my best To gaine your Plaudite among the rest . So with the salutation I first brought yee , Quot quot adestis , salvete salvetote . Dramatis Personae . CRasy , a young Citizen , falling into decay . Jeremy , his Apprentice . Sarpego , a Pedant . Sneakup , Crasyes Father in Law. Pyannet , Sneakup's Wife . Ticket two Courtiers . Rufflit two Courtiers . Lady Ticket . Josina , Crasyes Wife . Linsy-Wolsey , a thrifty Citizen . Toby , sonne to Sneakup . Bridget , Iosina's Maid . Crack , a Boy that sings . two keeping Women . Isabell Jone The City VVit. OR , The woman wears the Breeches . ACT. I. Scene I. A Dinner carryed over the Stage in covered Dishes . Exeunt . Enter Crasy , Jeremy . SEt forth that Table Jer. A Table set forth with empty Mony-bags , Bills , Bonds , & Bookes of accompts , &c. Jer. Will you not go in and dine , Sir ? Cra. No : I am of other dyet to day . Jer. The whole company expects you . Cra. May they sit merry with their cheer , while I feed on this hard meat . And wait you within : I shall not change a trencher . Ier. Alas my good Master . Exit . Cra. Here are the nests , but all the He takes up the bags . Birds are flown . How easie a thing it is to be undone , When credulous Man will trust his ' state to others ! Am I drawn dry ? Not so much as the Lees left ? Nothing but empty Cask ? have I no refuge To fly to now ? Yes , here , about a groats worth He takes up the bils & papers . Of paper it was once . Would I had now Greens groats-worth of wit for it . But 't will serve To light tobacco-pipes . Here ( let me see ) Here is three hundred pound , two hundred here . And here one hundred , and two hundred here ; Fifty ; fifty ; fifty ; and one hundred here , And here one hundred and fifty . Besides A many parcells of small debts , which make Two hundred more . I shall not live to tell it , But put it up , and take it by the weight . He puts the Bills & Bonds into a Bag. O me ! how heavy ' t is ! And , doubtless , so 't would be At some mans heart . It troubles me a little . Enter Jeremy . Now what newes ? He takes up a scroll . Jer. My mistriss , and your Mother Sir , Intreats you to come to dinner . Cra. These they are ; My debts , That strike me through . This bag will never pay Any of these . Jer. Sir , shall I say you 'l come ? Cra. How well it were , if any of my Creditors Could once but dream that this were current mony ! Jer. What shall I say ? Cra. Even what thou wilt , good Jeremy . Jer. Alas you know , this dinner was appointed A friendly meeting for most of your Creditors , And many of your Debtors . Cra. But I hope Few of the last appeare . Jer. None but some priviledg'd Courtiers , that dare Put in at all mens Tables . They 're all set , Your Creditors on one side , and your Debtors On t'other ; and do only stay for you . Cra. To feed on ; do they ? Goe . I will not come . Jer. I feare , Sir , you will overthrow the good That was intended you . You know this meeting Was for the Creditors to give longer day , As they should find your Debtors to acknowledg The summes they owe you . Sir I should be sorry To see you sinck , or forc'd to hide your head , That look'd as high , as any in the City . Cra. Prithee go in . And if they seem to stay , Pray 'em fall too ; tell 'em I take this time Only to order my Accompts , and that as soon As they are full , and fit to talk , I 'le come : Good Jeremie goe . Jer. Introth I pity him — Exit weeping . Cra. A right good Boy thou art . I think on thee : What must I do now ? All I have is lost , And what I have not , sought to be forc'd from me , I must take nimble hold upon Occasion , Or lie for ever in the Bankrupt ditch , Where no man lends a hand to draw one out ▪ I will leape over it , or fall bravely in 't , Scorning the Bridge of Baseness , Composition , Which doth infect a City like the Plague , And teach men Knavery , that were never born to 't : Whereby the Rope-deserving Rascall gains Purple and Furrs , Trappings and golden Chaines . Base Composition , baser far then Want , Then Beggery , Imprisonment , Slavery : I scorn thee , though thou lov'st a Trades-man dearly And mak'st a Chandler Lord of thousands yearly . I will have other ayd . How now ! Againe ? Enter Ieremy : Jer. O , Sir , you are undone . Cra. Hast thou no newes , Jeremie ? Jer. Alas your Mother Sir — Cra. Why what of her ? Is there a Plate lost , or a ' Postle-spoon A China Dish broke , or an ancient Glass , And stain'd with Wine her Damasque table-cloath ? Or is the Salt faln towards her ? What 's the matter ? Jer. Her mischievous tongue has over-thrown the good Was meant to you . Cra. What Good , good Jeremie ? Jer. Your Creditors were on a resolution To do you good , and madly she oppos'd it , And with a vehement voyce proclaims you a Beggar ; Says , you have undone her Daughter ; that no good Is fit to be done for you : And such a storm Of wicked breath — Cra. She 's drunk ; Is she not , Jeremie ? Jer. No Sir , 't is nothing but her old disease , The Tongue-ague , whose fit is now got up To such a height , the Devil cannot lay it . The learned School-master , Mr. Sarpego Has conjur'd it by all his parts of speech , His Tropes and Figures ; and cannot be heard I' th furious Tempest . All your Creditors Are gone in Rage ; will take their course , they say . Some of your Debtors stay , I think , to laugh at her . Enter Sarpego . Sar. Now deafeness seize me . I disclaime my hearing . I defie my audituall part . I renounce mine ears . Mistris Pyannet , a desperate Palsey is on thy lips , and an everlasting Feaver on thy Tongue ? Cra. What raging Rout hath rent thy rest ; What Scold hath scutch'd thy skonce : Sar. I 'le breath it to thy bolder breast , That askst me for the nonce . You understand or know , that here hath been a Feast made , to take up a ponderous difference between Master Sneakup your Father in Law , and your selfe Mr. Crasy ; and between most of your Creditors and Debitors . Food hath been eaten ; Wine drunck ; Talke past ; Breath spent ; Labour lost : For why ? Mistris Pyannet your Mother in Law , Mr. Sneakups Wife ( though shee will be call'd by none but her owne name ) that woman of an eternall Tongue ; that Creature of an everlasting noyse ; whose perpetuall talke is able to deafen a Miller ; whose discourse is more tedious then a Justices Charge ; Shee , that will out-scold ten carted Bawds , even when she is sober ; and out-chat fifteen Midwives , though fourteen of them be halfe drunk : this Shee-thing hath burst all . Demosthenes himselfe would give her over . Therefore hopeless Sarpego is silent . Enter Pyannet , Sneakup , Sir Andrew Ticket , Rufflit , La. Ticket , Josina , Linsy-Wolsy . Py. O , are you here Sir ! You have spun a fair thred . Here 's much ado , and little help . We can make bolt nor shaft , find neither head nor foot in your business . My daughter and I may both curse the time , that ever we saw the eyes of thee . Cra. Sir , you have the civill vertue of Patience in you . Dear Sir hear me . Py. He sayes he heares thee , and is asham'd to see thee . Hast not undone our Daughter ▪ spent her Portion ; deceiv'd our hopes ; wasted thy fortunes ; undone thy credite ; prov'd Bankrupt ? Cra. All was but my kind heart in trusting , in trusting , Father . Pi. Kind heart ! What should Citizens do with kind hearts ; or trusting in any thing but God , and ready money ? Cra. What would you , dear Father , that I should do now ? Py. Marry depart in peace Sir. Vanish in silence Sir. I 'le take my Daughter home Sir. She shall not beg with you Sir. No marry shalt thou not ; no , ' deed Duck shalt thou not . Cra. Be yet but pleased to answer me , good Sir. May not an honest man — Py. Honest man ! Who the Devill wish'd thee to be an honest man ? Here 's my worshipfull Husband , Mr. Sneakup , that from a Grasier is come to be a Justice of Peace : And , what , as an honest man ? Hee grew to be able to give nine hundred pound with my daughter ; and , what , by honestie ? Mr. Sneakup and I are come up to live i' th City , and here we have lyen these three years ; and what ? for honesty ? Honesty ! What should the City do with honesty ; when 't is enough to undoe a whole Corporation ? Why are your Wares gumm'd ; your Shops dark ; your Prizes writ in strange Characters ? what , for honesty ? Honesty ? why is hard waxe call'd Merchants waxe ; and is said seldome or never to be rip'd off , but it plucks the skin of a Lordship with it ? what ! for honesty ? Now ( mortified my Concupiscence ! ) Dost thou think , that our Neighbour , Master Linsy-Wolsie here , from the sonne of a Tripe-wife , and a Rope-maker , could aspire to be an Aldermans Deputy ; to be Worshipfull Mr. Linsie-Wolsie ; Venerable Mr. Linsie-wolsie ; to weare Sattin sleeves , & whip Beggars ? And , what ? By honesty ? Have we bought an Office , here , for our towardly and gracious son and heire here , young Mr. Sneakup — Tob. Yes forsooth Mother . Py. And made him a Courtier , in hope of his honesty ? Nay , ( once for all ) Did we marry our Daughter , here , to thee ; rack'd our Purses to pay Portion ; left Country house-keeping to save charges , in hope either of thine , or her honesty ? No , we look'd , that thy Ware-house should have eaten up Castles , and that for thy narrow Walke in a Jewellers shop , a whole Countrey should not have suffic'd thee . Cra. If my uncunning Disposition be my only vice , then Father — Py. Nay , and thou hast been married three years to my Daughter , and hast not got her with Child yet ! How do'st answer that ? For a woman to be married to a fruitfull Fool , there is some bearing with him yet . ( I know it by my self ) but a dry barren Fool ! How dost thou satisfie that ? Cra. It may be defect in your Daughter , as probable as in me . Py. O impudent varlet ! Defect in my Daughter ? O horrible indignity ! Defect in my Daughter ? Nay , 't is well known , before ever thou sawest her , there was no defect in my Daughter . Cra. Well : If to be honest , be to be a fool , my utmost Ambition is a Coxcomb . Sir , I crave your farewell . Py. Marry Sir , and have it with all his heart . My Husband is a man of few words , and hath committed his tongue to me : And I hope I shall use it to his Worship . Fare you well Sir. Tic. Thanks for your cheer and full bounty of Entertainment , good Mr. Sneakup . Py. He rather thanks you for your patience , and kind visitation , good Sir Andrew Ticket . Yes indeed forsooth does he . La. Tic. I take my leave Sir , too . Sneak. Good Madame — Py. Uds so ! ther 's a trick ! you must talk , must you ? And your Wife in presence , must you ? As if I could not have said , good Madame . Good Madame ! Do you see how it becomes you ? La. Tic. Good Mistris Sneakup ▪ Py. Good Madame , I beseech your Ladiship to excuse our deficiency of Entertainment . Though ou● power be not to our wish , yet we wish that our Power were to your Worth , which merrits better service — La. Tic. Pardon me . Py. Then our rudenesse — La. Tic. You wrong your selfe . Py. Can tender , or possibly expresse by — La. Tic. I beseech you forsooth — Py. Our best labour , or utmost devoire . Yes I protest sweet Madame . I beseech you , as you passe by in Coach sometimes , vouchsafe to see me ; and , if I come to Court , I will presume to visite your Ladiship , and your worthy Knight , Good Sir Andrew ! And I pray you Madame , how does your Monckey , your Parrot , and Parraquitoes ? I pray commend me to 'em , and to all your little ones . Fare you well , sweet Creature . Exit . Ruff. Wee 'll leave you to take private farewell of your Wife , Mr. Crasie . Tob. Wee 'l meet you at your Horse , brother . Exeunt omnes , praeter Crasy , Josina . Jos . Lov'd , my deare heart , my sweetest , my very being , will you needs take your journey ? I shall fall before your return into a Consumption . If you die but conceive what your departure will bring upon me , I know ( my sweet ) nay I do know — but goe your ways ; strike my finger into mine eye : 'T is not the first true teare a married woman has shed . Cra. Why you heare the noyse of that woman of Sound , your Mother . I must travell down , or not keep up . Yet — Jos . Nay , goe I beseech you ; you shall never say , I undid you . Goe I pray : But never look to see me my owne woman again . How long will you stay forth ? Cra. A fortnight at the least ; and a moneth at the most . Jos . Well , a fortnight at the least . Never woman took a more heavy departure . Kisse me . Farewel . Kiss me againe . I pray does your Horse amble , or trot ? Do not ride post as you come home , I pray . Kisse me once more . Farewell . Exit Cra. Hay hoe ! How I do gape . Enter Bridget , Jeremy . Bri. What 's a clock Bridget . Jos . Past three forsooth . Jos . T is past sleeping time then , Bridget . Bri. Nothing is past to those , that have a mind and means . Jos . That 's true and tryed . Go lay my Pillow Bridget . Exit Brid . Lord , what a thing a woman is in her Husbands absence ! Wast thou ever in love , Jeremy ? Jer. Who I forsooth ? No forsooth . Jos . I forsooth , and no forsooth ? then I perceive you are forsooth . But I advise you to take head , how you levell your Affection towards me : I am your Mistris ; And I hope you never heard of any Apprentice was so bold with his Mistris . Jer. No indeed forsooth . I should be sorry there should be any such . Jos . Nay , be not sorry neither Jeremy . Is thy Master gone ? Look . A pretty youth , this same Jeremy ! And is come of a good Race . I have heard my Mother say , his Father was a Ferretter — Enter Jeremy . Jer. He is gone forsooth . Jos . Come hither Jeremy . Dost thou see this Handkerchief ? Jer. Yes forsooth . Jos . I vow'd this Handkerchief should never touch any bodies face , but such a one , as I would intreat to lie with me . Jer. Indeed forsooth ! Jos . Come hither Jeremy . There 's a spot o' thy Cheek , let me wipe it off . Jer. O Lord forsooth . I 'le go wash it . Exit Jos . Jos . Heaven made this Boy of a very honest Appetite , sober Ignorance , and modest Understanding . My old Grandmothers Latine is verified upon him ; Ars non habet Inimicum praeter Ignorantem . Ignorance is womans greatest Enemy . Who 's within ? Bridget . Enter Bridget . Bri. Here forsooth . Jos . Go your wayes to Mistresse Parmisan , the Cheesmongers Wife in old Fishstreet , and commend me to her ; and intreat her to pray Mistresse Collifloore the Hearb-woman in the Old Change , that she will desire Mistris Piccadell in Bow-lane , in any hand to beseech the good old dry Nurse mother , Et cetera , shee knowes where , to provide me an honest , handsome , secret young man ; that can write , and read written hand . Take your errand with you ; that can write and read written hand . Bri. I warrant you forsooth . Exit . Jos . So , now will I meditate , take a nap , and dreame out a few fancies . ACT I. Sene II. Enter Crasy , booted . Ticket , Rufflit , Tobias Sarpego , Linsy woolsy : Tic. WEE take our leaves Mr. Crasy , and wish good Journey to you . Ruff. Farewell good Mr. Crasy . Tob. Adiue Brother . Sar. Iterum iterumque vale . Lin. Heartily Godbuy , good Mr. Crasy . Cra. Nay but Gentlemen : A little of your patience you all know your own Debts , and my almost impudent necessiries , satisfie me , that J may discharge others . Will you suffer me to sink under my Freenes ? shall my goodnesse , and ready Pietie undoe me ? Sir Andrew Ticket , you are a profest Courtier , and should have a ●ender sense of honor . This is your day of payment for two hundred pound . Tic. Blood of Bacchus , t is true , t is my day , what then ? Dost take me for a Cittizen , that thou thinkest I 'll keep my day ? No , thou 'st find that I am a Courtier , let my day keep me and ' twill . But dost heare ? Come to the Court. J will not say what I will do for thee . But come to the Court. I ow the two hundred pounds : I 'll not deny 't , if thou ask seven years hence for 't , farewell . I say no more , but come to the Court , and see if I will know thee . Cra. O , Sir , now you are in favour , you will know no body . Tic. True : t is just . Why should we , when we are in favour know any body ; when , if we be in disgrace , no body will know us ? Farewell honest Tradesman . Exit . Sar. That is Synonima for a fool . An ironicall Epithite , upon my Facunditie . Cra. O Master Sarpego ! I know you will satisfie your own driblet of ten pound , I lent you out of my Purse . Sar. Diogenes Laertius on a certaine time , demanding of Cornelius Tacitus an Areopagit of Syracusa ; what was the most Commodious and expeditest method to kill the Itch , answered — Cra. Answer me my monyes I beseech you . Sar. Peremptorily , Careo Supinis ; I want money . I confesse , some driblets are in the Debet . But , me thinks , that you being a Man of Wit , Braine , Forecast and Forehead , should not be so easie , ( I will not say foolish , for that were a figure ) as to lend a Philosopher money , that cryes , when he is naked , Omnîa mea mecum porto . Well Sir , J shall ever live to wish , that your owne Lanthorne may be your direction ; and that , where ever you travell , the Cornu copia of Abundance may accompany you . Yes sure shall I. Vive valeque . Exit . Tob. Why look you Brother , It was thought , that I had a tender Pericranion ; or , in direct Phrase , that I was an unthristy fool . Signior no : you shall now find , that I cannot only keep mine own , but other mens . It is rightly said , He that is poor in Appetite , may quickly be rich in Purse . Desire little ; covet little ; no not your own : And you shall have enough . Cra. Enough ? Tob. Yes Brother , litle enough . I confesse I am your Debtor for the loane of some hundred Marks . Now you have need : who has not ? you have need to have it . I have need to pay it . Here 's need of all hands . But Brother , you shall be no looser by me . Purchase Wit ; Get wit ( look you ) wit. And Brother , if you come to the Court , now my Mother and my Father have bought me an Office there , so you will bring my Sister with you , I will make the best shew of you that I can . It may chance to set you up againe , Brother ; t is many an honest mans fortune , to rise by a good Wife . Farewell sweet Brother . Prithee grow rich againe ; and weare good Cloaths , that we may keep our Acquaintance still . Farewell , deare Brother . Exit . Cra. Mr. Rufflit — Ruff. VVhat , does thy fist gape for mony from me ? Cra. I hope it is not the fashion , for a Gallant of fashion , to break for so small a Portion as the summe of an hundred Angells . Ruff. For a Gallant of fashion to break , for a Gallant of fashion ? Dost thou know what a Gallant of fashion is ? I 'll tell thee . It is a thing that but once in three Moneths has money in his Purse ; A creature made up of Promise and Protestation : A thing that foules other mens Napkins : towseth other Mens Sheets , flatters all he feares , contemns all he needs not , sterves all that serve him , and undoes all that trust him . Dost ask me mony , as I am a Gallant of fashion , I do thee Curtesie , I beat thee not . Cra. I lent it you on your single word . Ruff. T is pittie but thou shouldest loose thy Freedom for it : you Tradesmen have a good Order in your Citty , Not to lend a Gentleman money without a Cittizen bound with him : But you forsooth scorne Orders ! By this light , t is pitty thou loosest not thy Freedome for it . VVell , when I am flush , thou shalt feel from mee , Farewell . Prithee learne to have some witt . A handsome streight young fellow , grown into a pretty Bear , with a proper bodyed VVoman to his VVife , and cannot beare a Braine ! Farewell . Dost heare ? Be rul'd by me , Get money , do , Get money and keep it ; wouldst thrive ? Be rather a knave then a Fool. How much dost say I ow thee ? Cra. Fifty pound . Ruff. Thou art in my Debt . I have given the Counsell worth threeskore , Dog-cheap , well I 'll rent the odde mony . Exit . Lin. Strange mad fellows these same , Mr. Crasie , me thinks to deale withall . Cra. You are right Mr. Linsie wolsie ▪ I would my Genius had directed me , to deale alwayes with such honest neighbourly men as your selfe . I hope you will not deny me a Curtesie . Lins . Not I , I protest , what is it ? Cra. You took once a Jewell of me , which you sold for thirty pound , for which I have your Bond for sixty , at your day of mariage . If you will now , because I want present money , give me but twenty pound , I 'll acquit you . Lin. My good friend Mr. Crasie , I have no tricks and Jerks to come over you , as the witty Gentleman had ere while : But I know a plaine bargaine is a plaine bargaine : and wit is never good till it be bought . If twentie pound will pleasure you , upon good security I will procure it you . A hundred if you please , do you mark Mr. Crasie ? On good security . Otherwise you must pardon me , Mr. Crasie . I am a poore Tradesman Mr. Crasie , keep both a Linnen and a VVollen Drapers shop , Mr. Crasie , according to my name , Mr. Crasie , and would be loth to lend my money , Mr. Crasie , to be laught at among my Neighbours , Mr. Crasie , as you are Mr. Crasie . And so fare you wel , Mr. Crasie . Exit . Cra. Is this the end of unsuspicious Freenesse ? Are open hands of Chearfull Pietie , A helpfull bounty , and most easie Goodnesse , Re●arded thus ? Is , to be honest , term'd to be a fool ? Respect it Heaven . Beare up still merry heart . Droop not : But scorne the worlds unjust despising . Who through Goodnesse sinks , his fall's his Rising . Enter Jeremy . O Master , Master , upon my knowledge , my Mistres is forced since your departure to be Cra. What Jeremy ? Ier. Honest Sir. Get up your Debts as fast as you can abroad : For on my understanding ( which great Iove knowes is but little ) shee will take up more then your due at home easily . Cra. Boy . Didst never observe at the Court gate , that the Lord was no sooner off from his Horse-back but the Lackey got up into the Saddle and rode home ? Jer. Yes Sir , t is common . Cra. I scorne not my Betters Fortune . And what is not my sinne , shall never be my shame . Jer. Introth I was faine to make my selfe an Asse , or else I had been tempted to have been a knave . Cra. Boy , thou art now my Prentice . From hence be free . Poverty shall serve it selfe . Yet do one thing for me . Jer. If it be in the power of my poore Sconce . Car. If ever it be in thy possible ability , wrong all Men , use thy wit , to abuse all things , that have but sence of wrong : For without mercie , all men have injur'd thy mistrustles Master , Milk'd my thoughts from my heart , and money from my Purse , and , last , laught at my Credulity . Cheat , chosen , live by thy Wits : T is most manly , therefore most noble . Horses get their living by their Backs , Oxen by their necks , Swine and Women by their Flesh , Only man by his Braine . In briefe be a knave and prosper : For honesty has beggerd me . Ier. Farewell Master . And if I put tricks upon some of them , let the end of the Comedie demonstrate . Exit . Cra. I am resolv'd I will revenge . I never provok'd my braine yet . But now if I clap not fire in the tayles of some of these Samsons Foxes — seems my defect of Fortune want of wit ? Noe. The sense of our slight sports confess'd shall have , That any may be rich , will be a knave . ACT. II. Scene I. Sarpego , Tobias . A Purse Sar. EGregious and most great of Expectation , my right dignified and truly Cice●onian Pupill , now that I have brought you into the Amoene fields with my ready thankfullnesse for the loane of this ten pound , I commit you to the grace of Court. Tob. I shall expect that money shortly . Care to send it ; For I purchas'd my place at a rack'd recompence . Sar. Your Sarpego is no slipperie Companion . You know I am to marry , and this money shall provide me Complements . Sis bonus o faelixque tuis . I pede fausto . Exit Tob. Enter Crasy like a lame Souldier . Cra. Belov'd of Phoebus , Minion of the Muses , deare Water Bayley of Helicon , let it not be distastfull to thy Divine eares , to receive the humble Petition of a poore Creature , made miserable by the policie of Providence . That thy rare and absolute Mu●●ficence might supply what fortune had l●st defective : I kisse thy learned toes . Sar. I tell thee , by the Axiomes of the Peripateticall Aristotle , thou art a Monster . My reward shall be therefore like thy selfe , monstrously lame . This is a figure in Eloquution call'd Apoxegesis . Cra. I am not fed with Figures Sir. Sar. You are an idle vagabond , and lye in wait for the blood of the learned . Labour , and live . Cra. Right eloquent and well-phrased Sir , my education has been liberall . I sometimes fed my flock on horned Parnassus : But my wants forc'd me to my Sword. He shews his blade halfe way . Sar. You did peradventure sip on the top of Science , Primoribus labijs , or so , but did not convert it in Succum & sanguinem . Cra. That I may ever remaine a true man — Extend . He drawes . The Sun , Moon and the seven Planets are my invoked witnesses , I should be grieved , that necessity should make me grow violent on so adored , adorned Grammaticall Disciplinary — Be gracious in Contribution — Sir — Sar. J will give thee an infinite treasure . Sis integer vitae , scelerisque purus . Vale poore Rogue . Cra. Sir , this Sword can bite — But , J know you had rather give it freely out of your own Proclivitie . Sar. Yes I protest , as I am Erudite . Here dreadfull Mavortian , the poor price of a Dinner . Car. If I might in modesty importune the poore price of a Supper too . Sar. I do speak it in the Optative Mood , I do wish it lay in the modell of my Fortune to give harbour to your shaken state , yet receive this with appeased clutch . Cra. If I might not seem audacious even to impudence , I poore Freshman in Literature , would implore of your well-salted , & best season'd vertue , some larger allowance to supply my defects of Rayment , Books , and other necessaries : which magnificence shall ever intitle you , my most bounteous Macaenas . Be induc'd to it Sir. Flourish Sword over him . Sar : Yes , yes , yes , that you may know how deare you are to me ; Know this is more then usuall largesse — for non omnibus dormio — There 's a Figure too . Cra. O yes Sir , I understand this Figure too very well . Now deare Mecenas , let me implore a Purse to inclose these Monyes in — Nay if you impart not with a chearfull forhead , Sir Sword againe . Sar. Vae misero mihi ! sweet Purse adieu . Iterum iterumque vale . Cra. May you be importun'd to do it , Sir. Sword. Sar. You shall have it instantly . I will only deprome , or take out a little stuffing first . Cra. T is no matter . As it is , As it is , good Sir , as it is . I le accept it as it is . Most fragrant-phrased Master , suffer thy selfe ●o be intreated . Doe — Sword. Sar. You have most powerfully perswaded : Take it . Cra. Most exorbitantly bounteous Mecenas , you have given me all this , have you not ? Sar. Yes , yes , and you have taken all that , have you not ? Cra. Yes , yes , but as your gift . Iove blesse thy browes , and make cleer thy Phisnomy . Vale. Your learned Worship stincks . Sar. Now Barbarisme , Incongruity , and false Orthography shame thee ; The curse of Priscian take thee . All the parts of speech defie thee . All the Interjections of sorrow , as Heu hei ▪ of Shunning , as Apage ; of Disdaining , as Hem vah ; of Scorning , as Hui ; of Exclaiming , as Proh Deum atque hominum fidem take thee . My deare Pupils lendings hast thou lewdly lick'd away : And sorrowfull Sarpego is lick'd dry . There 's a figure left yet ! But ô thou Castalion Traytor , Pick-purse of Parnassus , and Hang-man of Helicon : Dives thirst in thy Throat ; Ixions wheel on thy back ; Tantalus hunger in thy guts ; and Sisyphus stone in thy Bladder . Crasie falls back . Exit . Cra. O fearfull curse ! Well ; I haye given my first pinch , and a little scratch'd my Goat-bearded Grammarian , that Broke jests on my uncunning easiness . But he with the rest shall feele , that modest Simplicity is not alwayes a defect of wit , but will : What my willing honesty hath seem'd to loose , my affected deceits shall recover . I 'le rid 'em one after another , like Guts , till they shall stink worse then Jewes . And they shall find with most ashamed eyes , The honest Breast lives only rich and wise . Exit . ACT. II. Scene 2. Josina , Bridget . JOs . Bridget . Bri. Here forsooth . Jos . Bridget , I say . Bri. Here , Lady . Jos . That 's comfortably spoken ! Nay blush not : We women can never have too much given us . And Madame ▪ Josina would sound well . Bri. Yes indeed , Madame Josina Crasie . Jos . No ; not Crasie ; hang Crasie : Crasie is my Husbands name . I wonder why Women must be called by their Husbands names , I. Bri. O , they must forsooth . Ios . And why not men by their Wives ? Bri. Marrie forsooth , because that Men , when they marry , become but halfe men : And the other half goes to their Wives . And therefore she is called Woman ; where before she was call'd but Mayd . Ios . Is a married Man but halfe a Man ? what is his other halfe then ? Bri. Truly , oftentimes , Beast . Which part the wife gives to boot , in exchange of her name . One knocks . Ios . Heark , some body knocks ; goe see . What should any body knock at my Garden door for ? I doe not use to be visited in my Garden . Bri. Yonder 's a Gentleman craves admittance to converse with you . Ios . I 'le converse with no Gentleman . What have I to do with Gentlemen ? Bri. A fair-spoken , comely , modest Gentleman he is . Ios . Is he so ? I 'le speak with no modest Gentleman ▪ You were best be his Bawd. But are you sure he is a true Gentleman ? does he weare clean Linnen , and lack Money ? Bri. Here he comes forsooth . Enter Crasy , like a Physitian . Ios . He is very confident , and forward , me thinks . Cra. Exquisite ; very Elixir of Beauty , vouchsafe to receive the tender of my Faith to you ; which I protest is zealously devoted to your particular service . Ios . You may speak lowder Sir : for I assure you , my Mayd is very thick of hearing , and exceeding weake sighted . Cra. Then , Lady , let it be spoken in bold phrase , I love you . Ios . I thank you Sir. How should I stile you , pray ? Cra. My name is Pulse-feel : A poor Doctor of Physick , that weares three-pile velvet in his Cap ; has paid a quarters rent of his house afore-hand ; and as meanly as he stands here , was made Doctor beyond the Seas . I vow ( as I am right Worshipfull ) the taking of my Degree cost me twelve French crowns , and five and thirty pound of salt Butter in upper Germany . I can make your beauty , and preserve it ; Rectifie your Body , and maintain it ; perfume your skin ; tinct your haire ; enliven your Eye ; Heighten your Appetite . As for Gellies , Dentifrices , Diets , Minerall Fucusses , Pomatums , Fumes , Italian Masks to sleep in , either to moysten , or dry the Superficies of your face ; paugh , Gallen was a Goose , and Paracelsus a Patch to Doctor Pulse-feel ▪ Make me then happy , deare sweeting , in your private ●avours : The which I vow with as much secrefie , constancie and Resolution , to preserve , as you , with Bounty , sweetnesse and Freenes shall impart . Jos . I protest you speak very farre within me ; I respect you most affectionatly . Cra. Then I le attend you at your Chamber : where the best pleasure , youth , Cupid can minister shall entertaine you . Ios . Entertain me with pleasure ? what pleasure I pray you ? Cra. Nothing but kisse you Lady , and so forth . Ios . Well , for kissing and so forth , I care not ; But look for no dishonesty at my hands , I charge you . Cra. I will be provident . Ios . And honest , I beseech you : And secret , and resolute , I advise you . Cra. Good. Ios . And very chast I command you . But a kisse , and so forth . Cra. I understand you . This be my pledg of faith . Kisse . Ios . And this of mine . — The thought of me rest with you . And heare you Doctor ; I prithee procure me some young Fellow , that can write : For I am so troubled with Letters , that I neither read nor answer — Cra. Rely upon me . I can fit you rarely . I know a well qualified fellow , that danceth rarely , playes on divers Instruments , and withall is close . Ios . I marry , Close ! Pray let me have him . Kisse and adiew . Exit . Cra. I will maintain it . He only , that knows it , permits , and procures it , is truly a Cuckold . Some fellow would be divorc'd now . Crasie , speak ; wilt be divorc'd ? why , what and I were ? why then thou art an Asse , Crasie . Why Sir ? why Sir ! why prithee tell me , what would thy Divorce hurt her ? It would but give her more liberty . Shee should have bounteous Customers ; Gallants , that would hoist her tires , bestow deep on her . And she should be paid for 't . You speak somewhat to the matter Sir. Nay Crasie , believe it , though she be not a very modest woman for a Wife , thou mayst force her to be a reasonable private wench for a Whore. Say you so ? Birlady , and I 'le take your Counsell . 'T is a pretty Drabb . I know not where to compasse such another ? troth Sir , I 'le follow your advice . And , if my hopes prove not extreamly ill , I 'le keep her flesh chast , though against her will. Enter Crack singing . Crac. He tooke her by the middle so small And laid her on the Plain : And when he had his will on her , He tooke her up againe . And what was she then the worse for wearing ? Can you tell Mr. Doctor ? Cras . What art thou ? Crac : One Sir ( I dare tell you in private ) that can conduct you to a more lovely Creature , then her you last courted . Cras . A young Pimpe , a very sucking-pig Pimpe ! What an Age is this , when children play at such great game ! So young , so forward ! Crac. Sings . The young and the old mun too 't , mun too 't , The young and the old mun to it ; The young ones will learn to do 't , to do 't , And the Oldforget not to do it . Cras . This Infant piece of Impudence ama●es me . Prithee what art thou ? or whom dost thou serve , or broke for . Crac. As delicate a piece of Woman-flesh as ever Mortall laid lip to . O she is all Venus ! And , to come close to you , shee wants a Physician . You are one I take it : I am a foole else . Cras. I am catch'd ? This habite will betray me . What is shee , I say . Crac. Sings . O she is , she is a matchlesse piece , Though all the world may wooe her ; Nor golden showre , nor golden fleece , Is price enough to do her . Cras. For what wants she a Physitian ? Crac. For what you please , when you come to her . Sir , upon my life , shee 's free from any Disease , but the Counterfeits . Will you know all Sir ? she wants a wi●e mans counsell to assist her in getting a Husband . I take hold of you for that wise man , shee relyes upon my Election . Will you go Sir ? T is in an exceeding civill house ; a precise one , indeed . Know you not Mr. Linsey Woolsey ? Cras . Not at his house ? Crac. Pardon me Sir. At his very house . All the wise wenches i' the Town will thwack to such Sanctuaries , when the times are troublesome , and Troopers trace the streets in terror . Cras . Prithee , what call'st thy Mistres ? Crac. There she lies Sir , by the name of Mistresse Tryman ; a rich young Cornish Widdow ; though she was borne in Clearken-well ; and was never halfe a dayes Journey from Bride well in her life . Her Father was a Pinn-maker — Sings . Along along , where the Gallants throng By twenties , away the Widow to carry : But let them tarry : For shee will carry Twenty , before that one she will Marry . Will you along Sir ? Cras . T is but a weak ingagement : yet I le goe ; Needlesse are feares , where Fortunes are so low . Exeunt ▪ ACT II. Scene II. Enter Ticket and Rufflit . Tic. A Widdow ! what is shee ? or of whence ? Ruff. A lustie young wench , they say : A Cornish Girle ; able to wrastle downe stronger Chines then any of ours . Tic. But how is she purs'd , Jack ? Is she strong that way ? Ruff. Prettie well for a younger Brother ; worth 7 or 8 thousand pound . Tic. How man ! Ruff. You are a married man , and cannot Rivall me ▪ I would not else be so open to you . Tic. I sweare I le help thee all I can . How didst find her out ? Ruff. I have intelligence , that never failes me , shee came to town neither but very lately ; and lodg'd at Mr. Wolseys . Tic. Who , Linsy wolsie , the Hermaphroditicall Draper ! That 's a precious No●t-headed Rascall . Hee 'll goe neare to ayme at her himselfe . Ruff. Like enough . He may aime at her : But shee will be hit by none but a Gentleman , that I heare 〈…〉 Oh shee has a fierce Ambition to a Ladyship , though her late Husband was a Tanner . Tic. A Tanner , well Jack , cake heed how thou ventur●st on her to make her a Gentlewoman : She will kill ●hee at her Husbands occupation before thou wile be able to make her Hide gentle . Thou w●●● find a tough peece of Curriers work on her . Look who here is . Enter Toby , and Linsey wolsie . Lin. Truly ▪ Mr. Toby Sneakup , me thinks I find an alteration in my selfe already . Tob. Nay , I told you ; would you but give your Mind to it , you would be a Gentleman quickly . Tic. How 's this ? let 's stand aside a●●tle . Ruff. Sure , hee 's about to turne himselfe into a Gentleman to winne to the Widdow ! Tic. And what a Tutor he has pickt out to instruct him ! Lin. Me thinks I love the name of a Gentleman a great deale better then I did . Tob. But could you find in your heart to lend a Gentleman a score of Angells , Mr. Wolsey , on his word ? Lin. Uhm — I is not gone so farre upon me yet . Tob. Oh , but it m●st though , I know it . A Citizen can never be a Gentleman , till he has lent all , or almost all his money to Gentlemen . What a while it was ere the rich Joyners son was a Gentleman ? when I my selfe was a Gentleman first , my mony did so burne in my Pockets , that it cost me all that ever I had , or could borrow , or steal from my Mother . Lin. But Mr. Toby , a man may be a Countrey Gentleman , and keep his money , may he not ? Tob. You see Sir , This Widdow is remov'd from the Countrey into the City , to avoyd the multiplicity of Country Gentlemen that were here ●uitors . Nay you must be a Citty Gallant ; or a Courtier . Lin. I see no Courtiers , but are more apt to borrow , then to ●end . Tob. I , those that were born , or bred Courtiers I grant you , But to come to 't at your yeares — Lin. I can the sooner learne . Your Courtier Sir , I pray . Tob. I le tell you in a breife character was taught me . Speake nothing that you mean , performe nothing that you promise , pay nothing that you owe , flatter all above you , scorne all beneath you , deprave all in private , praise all in publike ; keepe no truth in your mouth , no faith in your heart ; no health in your bones , no freindship in your mind , no modesty in your eyes , no Religion in your conscience ; but especially , no Money in your Purse . Lin. O that Article spoyles all . Tob. If you do , take heed of spending it on any thing but Panders , Puncks , and Fidlers ; for that were most unfashionable . Lin. I thank you Sir , for your Courtly and Gentlemanlike instructions , and wish you grace to follow them : I have seen too fearfull an example lately in my neighbour Crasy , whose steps I list not trace ; nor lend my Money to be laught at among my Neighbours . Fare you well Sir. — Tob. Ha ha ha . Ruff. Mr. Wolsie ! Well met . How does your faire Guest at home , Mrs. Tryman ? Ticket talks aside with Toby . Lin. How should he come to the knowledge of her ? Some of these Gallants will snatch her up , if I prevent not speedily . Ruff. Why speak you not Mr. Wolsie ? How does the Widow ? Lin. Truly not well Sir. Whether it be wearinesse of her journey , change of ayre , or dyet , or what I know not ; something has distemperd her . Ruff. Or Love , perhaps of you Mr. Wolsie . Lin. Me ? Alasse , I look like no such Gentleman . Ruff. You may in a short time . They two go aside . Harke hither Mr. Wolsie . Tic. We overheard you man : And I guest as much before . Tob. T is very true Sir , shee is worth nine thousand pound : But marry she will not'but a Gentleman : And I think I have beat him off o' th condition , I have put him off o' that scent for ever , with a false character , Heaven and the Court forgive me . Tic. Thou hast introth Boy : And on purpose to have her thy selfe , I perceive it . Tob. He does not . He 's an Asse . Tic. Well , if I were a Batchelor , I should envy thy wit , and thy fortune . Is she very handsome ? Tob. So so : You shall see wee 'll make a shift with her . Ruff. Mr. Wolsie , I would you had her with all my heart ; you shall not want my good word and best wishes . Lin. Do you speak this in earnest Sir , or as you are a Courtier : Ruff. In earnest I , and as I am a Gentleman . Lin. Then in earnest , and as I am an honest man , I do not beleeve you . Mr. Toby Sneakup has told me what Gentlemen and Courtiers are , too lately . Ruff. Mr. Sneakup ▪ well met . Tob. Good Mr. Rufflit . Enter Crack singing . Now faire Mayds lay downe my B●d , And draw the Curtaines round : Tell the World that I am dead , And who hath given the wound , Ah me poor Soul ! Alack for love I dye , Then to the Sexton hie , And cause the Bell to towle . Crac. O here he is ! Mr. Wolsie , indeed my Master Wolsie , if ever you will see my Mistres your Sweetheart alive , you must goe home presently . Lin. My Sweetheart ! Crac. I thinke shee is ; and that in death she will be so . I speak by what she sayes , and others think . Tob. T is the Widows Boy , Lin. Is she sicker then she was . Crac. O shee is even speechlesse , and calls for you exceedingly . I fetcht a Doctor to her , and he can do her no good . Master Sarpego has made her Will and all . Lin. Has shee given me any thing ? Crac. Quickly goe and see Sir , you will come too late else , I am going to get the Bell to towle for her . Lin. Fare ye well Gentlemen . Tob. Tic. Ruff. Nay , wee 'll along with you . Crac. Sing . Exeunt . Did never truer heart Out of the World depart , Or cause the Bel to towle . Exit . ACT. III. Scene I. Enter in the Tryman , attended by Isabell , Jone , Crasy , with an Vrinall . Isa . LOok up Mistres . Jo. Take a good heart , the worst is past , feare not . Try. Ah , ah , ah . Isa . Reach the Bottle againe of Doctor Stephens water . Cra. No no , apply more warme cloaths to her stomack , there the matter lyes which sends this distemperature into her braine . Be of good cheer Gentlewoman . Try. Is Mr Wolsie there ? Isa . Nothing but Mr. Wolsie ever in her mouth . Jo. Pray Sir , how do you like her ? I am much affraid of her . Cras . Let me see , to night it will be full Moon . And she scape the turning of the next Tyde , I will give her a gentle Vomit in the morning , that shall ease her stomack of this conflux of venomous humours , and make her able to sit a hunting Nag within this sennight . Jo. A rare man sure . And , I warrant , well seen in a Woman ▪ Try. Uh , uh , uh , uh . Cough and spit . Cras . Well sayd , spit out gently , straine not your selfe too hard . Try. Agh — fagh . Cras . T is very well done . La'you . Her colour begins to come . I le lay all my skill to a messe of Tewksbury Mustard , shee sneezes thrice within these three houres — Enter Linsy-wolsie . Lin. Good Sir want nothing , that your skill shall approve necessary in this time of need . Good Wives and kinde Neighbours , I thanke you for your cares . Try. Is Mr. Wolsie there ? Isa . She does nothing but call for you Sir , pray speak to her . Try. Where 's Mr. Wolsie . Lin. Here Lady . How do you ? Try. Then I am even well me thinks — agh — agh — Lin. Shee 's very farr gone I feare , how do you find her disease Sir ? Cras . Dangerous enough Sir. For shee is sicker in minde then in body . For I finde most plainely the effects of a deep melancholly , falne through her distemperature of passion upon her Liver ; much disordering , and withall wasting the vitals , leaving scarce matter for Physick to worke on . So that her minde receiving the first hurt , must receive the first cure . Try. Agh agh ah — pagh fagh — Cough up in a Bason Cras . So so : Straine not your selfe too hard . No hurt ; so so . Here 's melancholly and choller both in plenty . Jo. He speaks with great reason , me thinks , and to the purpose , I would I understood him . Cras . Do you not know ▪ Sir , any that has offended her by open injury , or unkindnesse ? Lin. Alas Sir , no such thing could happen since her coming hither . Cras . Then , on my life , t is Love that afflicts her . Try. Oh oh uh oh — Cras . I have toucht her to the quick . I have found her disease , and that you may prove the abler Doctor in this extremity . Lin. Who I ? Alas I beleeve no such matter . Try. Mr. Wolsie , Mr. Wolsie . Cras . Here he is Lady . Pray speak your minde to him . Must I pull you to her ? Here he is . What do you say to him ? Pray speak . Try. Oh no , no no no — Cras . She hath something troubles her that concernes onely you . Pray take her by the hand , do as I intreat you . Lady we will go , and leave you in private awhile , if you please . Try. Pray do . O but do not , pray do not . Cras . Do you perceive nothing in this passion of hers ? How does she feel your hand ? Lin. O , she does so quiddle it , shake it , and gripe it ! Cras . You are then the man Sir , the happy man. For she shall recover suddenly . Lin. Who I ? Alack a day . Try. What will you have me dye intestate . Is not my Will made , as I directed ? Io. Where are you Mr. Sarpego , with the Will. Enter Sarpego , Ticket , Rufflit , Toby . Sar. Ad manum . Sweet Buds of Generosity , forbeare you may Admirare , at the abundance here specified : But not find a Legacie bequeath'd among you A Will. Tic. We expect nothing . Ruff. I only wish your health , Lady ; and that it may , or might have been my happiness to sue to you for Love ; as I do now to the highest power for Life . Tob. Would I were married to her , as shee is ; and t were but for an hower , I car'd not . Had my mother been but acquainted with her , before shee fell sick , here had been a match ! Sar. O Dij immortales ! A rich Widdow shall have Suiters on her Death-bed . Try. Good Sir , It is too late to speak of these things . I only crave and wish your prayers in your absence : This place can yield no pleasure to you I know . Mr. Wolsey , pray your hand againe : I could be even content to live me thinks , if I had but such a man as you to my Huh , uh , uh , uh . — To Ruff. Shee Coughes . Cras . By your leave . Pray by your leave . Help Women . Beare up her Body a little . Bow it forwards . So , speak to her , Sr. Good Lady drink of this Cordyal . She drinckes . Lin. How do you now forsooth ? Cras . What now shee is drinking — Now speake Sir , you or no man must do her good . Lin. How do you forsooth ? Cras . Well said Sir , speak chearfully to her . Lin. How d ee doe ? how d ee doe , Mistris Tryman How i st now , ha ? Tic. Very comfortably spoken ! Ruff. I , was it not ? Lin. Alas shee cannot speak . I 'll call my Neighbour Mistres Sneakup . If any body can make her speak , 't is shee . Tob. I 'll call my Mother for you . Shee will make her speak , if shee have but a word left in her belly — Masse here shee comes . Enter Pyannet and Iosina . Py. How comes it Mr. Wolsey , that you have a Gentlewoman sick in your house , and not send for me ? Let me feel her hand . Alasse she is shrewdly distemper'd . When had shee a stoole Sir , Prithee Daughter step home to my Closet , and bring the Viall of — my owne Water , which stands next to my blew Velvet Cabinet . Ios . That 's my Doctor was with me to day Exit . Py. Shee 's a young Gentlewoman ; may have many Children yet , let me note her eyes : I finde nothing there . When did you see her water Mr. Doctor ? Cras . What Devill sent this fury among us ? Py. In troth I beshrew you , Mr. Wolsey , you sent not for me , but I hope I come not too late . Pluck up a Womens heart , you shall find a good Neighbour of me . Try. I will thank you in my Will. I shall not live to thank you otherwise . Py. Alas talk not of your will. You shall have time enough to think of that many yeares hence . Cras . I tell her so , Lady , yet shee calls for it still . Try. Pray let me see it , that I may signe it . Vh Vh — Py. Lord how my Daughter stayes . Good Sir Andrew Ticket ! worthy Mr. Rufflit ! My Sonne Tobias is highly honor'd in your noble Acquaintance , and Courtly conversation . Tic. We rather hold our selves dignified , in being his indear'd Companions . Tob. I assure you Mother , we are the three of the Court. Py. I most intirely thank you for him . And I do beseech you make your selves no strangers to my poor house . Wee are alone ; can give but light entertainement , my Daughter and I ; since my Sonne Crasies misfortune drave him from us — Enter Iosina with a Viall . O welcome Daughter — I beseech you noble Sirs estrange not your selves to us , your Servants . Cra. Pox o' your Complement . Py. Give me the Viall Daughter . Take up the Lady . Tast of this . It is a Composition of mine owne distilling . Try-drinks . Try. Uh , uh , uh , umh — Py. Well done . Nay it will make you break wind , I tell you . Ticket and Rufflit Court I●sina . Tic. By the service I owe you sweet Mistres , t is unfained . My Wife desires to see you . Ruff. As I can best witnesse ; And feares you enjoy not the libertie of a Woman , since your Husbands departure . Your Brother having promis'd too , to conduct you to Court. To. It is confest , and I will do it . Tic. Where the best entertainment a poore Ladyes chamber can afford , shall expect you . Ios I shall embrace it . Cras . Sfoot , t is time to part you — Mistres , I beseech your help , joyn'd with your vertuous Mothers . He pulls her aside . Ios . You forget the young man , that can Dance Write , and keep Counsell . Cras . I forget you not Lady . But I wish you to beware of these Courtiers , till I tell you what they are : Ruff. I 'll be hang'd if this Doctor be not of her smock Counsell . Py. How is it now , good heart ? Try. Much enlightned , I thank Heaven and you . Now , pray , read Sir my Will. Sar. In Dei nomine . Amen . Tic. O let us heare the Will. Sar. I Iane Tryman of Knockers hole , in the County of Cornwall , Widdow , Sick in Body , but whole in Mind , and of perfect memory , do make my last Will and Testament , in Manner and Forme following . Cras . As for the Manner and Forme t is no matter . To the Legacies , briefly . Sar. Hum hum . Imprimis , A Dole of Bread to be given to the Poore of this Parish — five pound . Try. Stay. This I intreat of you Mr. Wolsey , that whether I live or dye , this Dole may be given to morrow . It was the Charge of my Mother to see it done ; Saying , it was better to take the Prayers of the Poore with me , then leave them to be sent after . Lin. It shall be done : and you , I hope , shall see it . Sar. To Mr. Sarpego , the Writer hereof , A Mourning Gown , and forty pound , to Preach at the Funerall . Lin. How ! forty pound ? Sar. Di boni ! No. T is forty shillings . Item to my Nephew , Sir Marmaduke Trevaugh an of St. Minever , one thousand pound in Gold. Item to my Nephew Mr. Francis Trepton , one thousand pound in Gold. Item to my Kinsman , Sir Stephen Leggleden , I do forgive two thousand pound , for which his Lands are Mortgaged to me . Item to his Daughter , my God-daughter Iane Leggleden , five hundred pound in money ; my best Bason and Ewer ; two silver Flaggon Pots , and three silver and gilt standing Cups . Item to the poore of the Parish of Knockers-hole , ten pound , and forty pound towards the reparation of their Church . Item to Mr. Linsey wolsey the Ring , which was my Wedding Ring , and fifty other Rings , with severall stones in my Trunck , in his house , valued at two hundred and fifty pounds . Item to all his servants , and to the Women that attended me in my sicknesse , five pound a piece . Jone . Now the Lord receive her to his mercy . Isa My Legacy will save her life ; for never any body dyed yet , that bequeathed me any thing . Sar. Item , to my Page Jeffery Crack forty pound . And all my other Servants ten pound a peice . Item to my Neece Barbara Tredrite five hundred pound ; my second Bason and Ewer , a dozen of silver Dishes , and four dozen of silver Spoones . Lastly , all the rest of my Lands , Jewels , Plate , Money , Debts , Moveables and Unmoveables , to my dear and loving Brother , Sir Gregory Flamsted , whom I make my full Executor . In cujus rei testimonium , &c. This is the briefe of it . Try. T is well . Onely add to it — Vh — A Gold Chaine also in my Trunk to this vertuous Gentlewoman . And another Chaine , that is there of Pearle , to her Daughter . To this learned Doctor twenty pound . And to the Gentlemen which have visited me , for them and their freinds an hundred pound to be spent in a Banckquet . Sar. Hoc nihil refert . I must write all over againe then . Try. Do so then . And make your forty shillings five pound . Sar. Gratias vel ingentes ago . It shall be done — Exit . Try. Now Mr. Wolsie , and your vertuous Neighbour here , I intreat , that when I have signed this Will , that you keep it til my Brother comes to Town . This Doctor shall direct you in all . And that he may be the better able so to do , I desire you all that I may a while be private with him . Omnes . With all our hearts . Exeunt omnes praeter Crasy , Tryman . Try. Are they all gone ? Now Mr. Doctor , what think you of the sick Widow ? Has she done her part hitherto ? Cras . Beyond my expectation ! Better then I for a Doctor . Try. You are right . And I am even the same for a Widow as you for a Doctor . Do not I know you ? Yes good Mr. Crasy . I dare trust you , because you must trust me . Therefore know , that I the rich Widow am no better , then a Lady that must live by what I beare about me . The vulgar translation you know , but let them speak their pleasure , I have no Lands , and since I am borne , must be kept , I may make the best of my owne , and if one member maintaine the whole body , what 's that to any one ? Cras . I collected as much by your young Whiskin that brought me hither . Try. It was by my direction that he did so . And , by my Instructions , he has had an Eye upon you in all your disguises ever since your pretended ●ourney out of Towne . Nay startle not , nor muse at my acquaintance with you : I have had you in my Purlews , before you were a Freeman : And will hereafter give you certaine tokens of it . In the mean time , if you comply with me , you can be no loofer by it . I am grown weary of my old course ; and would faine , by wiser , do my selfe good , before Age or Diseases make it too late . Cra. I will work close and friendly with thee . Therefore say , this rich Cockscombe is thine owne . O here comes your Pigg-wiggen . Try. He is of Counsell , and one of us . He is indeed my Brother , and has been one of the true blew Boyes of the Hospitall ; one of the sweet singers to the City Funeralls with a two penny loafe under his arme . Crac. Well : He never sung to the wheele in Saint Brides Nunnery yonder . Try. Nay Jeff , be not angry ; thou hast sung to the Organs I know , till fearing their downfall , thou betookst thy selfe into my more certaine service . All freinds , good Jeff. Cras . Yes , yes , we must all agree , and be linckt in Covenant together . Crac. By Indenture Tripartite , and 't please you , like Subtle , Doll , and Face . Cras . Witty Jeff. I cannot see which can be spar'd from the rest , least the whole trade break . Crack sings . Then let us be freinds , and most freindly agree . The Pimp and the Punck and the Doctor are three , That cannot but thrive , when united they be . The Pimp brings in custome , the Punck shee gets treasure , Of which the Physitian is sure of his measure , For work that she makes him in sale of her pleasure . For which , when she failes by diseases or paine , The Doctor new Vamps and upsets her againe . Cras . Thou art a brave Lad , and in the high way of preferment . Crac. Not the high Holborne way , I hope Sir. Cras . And for you Damsell , as I sayd before , say to your selfe , the Match is yours . Try. I mean to say , and know it shortly . Some three dayes hence all may be compleated . Now draw the Curtaines ; and follow your affaires , while I put on my sick Face againe . Vh , uh , uh . They put in the Bed , and withdraw all . Exeunt . ACT. III. Scene II. Enter Sarpego . Sar. NOw could I Accost that Catlinarian Traytor , that defeated me of my ten pound , I have a precogitated Oration should make him suspend himselfe . But Abiit , evasit , erupit . Or if the rich Widow would have dyed , there had been a supply . But she is nearer a Nuptiall , then a Funerall : And hopelesse Sarpego , that should wed , has not to furnish him to his intent , Vae mihi misero nec Aurum , nec Argent — tum ! Here comes my Beatitude . Enter Bridget . Bri. O , are you here Sir ? I was to seek you . My old Mistresse would speak with you instantly . Sar. My Legitimate Spouse , when is our day of conjunction ? Bri. Our day of conjunction ? Mary faugh Goodman Fiste . Our day of conjunction ? Sar. Did you not once vow you did love me ? Bri. Did not you once swear you had money ? Sar. Hic jacet , I am now but a dead man. Enter Pyannet , Sneakup , Crasie — like a Court-Messenger . Py. O where 's Mr. Sarpego ? Fortunate Mr. Sarpego ? Venerable Mr. Sarpego ? O Sir , you are made . Never thinke under right worshipfull . Imagine nothing beneath Damasque Gownes , Velvet Jackets , Satten Sleeves , Silk Nightcaps , two Pages and a Footcloth . Sar. The Son of Phoebus rectifie your Brain-pan . Sne. Indeed , and 't shall please your Worship , it is — Py. It is ! What is it ? You will be speaking , will you ? And your Wife in presence , will you ? you shew your bringing up . Master Sarpego , blesse the time that ever you knew the Progeny of the Sneakups : my worshipfull Son and Heire apparent hath preferred you to be the young Prince his Tutor . Here 's Mr. Holywater , a Gentleman ; of place , a Courtier ; of Office , is sent for you . Cras . Right fortunately-learned Sir. So passionately doth his Grace approve the Language , Literature , and Haviour of your sometimes Pupill , Master Tobias Sneakup . Sar. Umh. Cras . That I was , with all expedition , commanded to intreat your instant Attendance . Sar. Umh Umh — Cras . 'T is even so Sir ; You are like to possess a Princes eare ; you may be in place , where you may scorn your foes ; countenance your friends ; cherish vertue , controule vice , and despise fortune : Yes sure shall you Sir. And ( which I had almost forgot ) your old Pupill intreats you to send him by me the ten pound he lent you : An od ten pound , that he may be furnish'd with the more seemly Complements to conduct you to his Grace . Sar. Quid nunc ? Py. Whist Mr. Sarpego . Let not your poverty be read in your face . Here 's ten pieces . Bear it as your own payment : You talk of ten pound for my Son , Sir. Sar. O , an od driblet . Here , Friend , I use not to carry Silver : Convey it in Gold. Bri. I hope , dear Love , you will not forget your affection to me now . Sar. Poor Maid , I will prefer thee to scratch my head ; make my Bed ; wash my Shirt , pick my toes , and evacuate my Chamberpot . I will instantly procure mee attire , fitting my fortune , and attend the Grace of Court — Exit . Bri. Now am I but a dead woman . Cras . I am much griev'd for 't . It was your sonnes much labouring , that Mr. Crasie was sent for , to sell his Grace some Jewells : But since his fortunes are so sunk that he hides his head , I can but lament his losse . Py. Shall I tell you Sir , ( pray you husband stand aside ; ) My Son-in-Law Crasie is not now worth — his very wife . We hop'd he would have prov'd a crafty Merchant , and he prov'd an honest man , a Begger ( if I chance to speak above your capacity , I pray tell me of it ) And as I said , when I perceiv'd he began to melt , and that every stranger abused him ; I , having some wit , fell too , and most cozen'd him my self . I look'd for my daughters good : And so betwixt us , found the trick to get , or steale from him two Jewells of good deep value , being indeed the main of his rest of Fortune . Now Sir , I come to you . Cras . I , now you come to the point . Py. Right Sir : For there is no woman , though she use never so many by-words , but yet in the end she will come to the point . Now Sir , I having these Jewells , will send them by my husband . A poor easie weak man , as you see ; but very obedient in truth — Cras . By your husband . Py. Yes , do you mark ? By my husband . But now note my wit : His Grace knows not Crasie : My husband , habited like a Citizen , shall take the name of Crasie upon him ; offer his Jewells to the Prince ; you shall present them ; praise them and raise them : His Grace payes ; my husband returns ; and we will share . Do you approve ? Cras . Nay admire . Py. Away then . No Complement among good wits ; but away . Come your ways hither , good man ; Put off your hat ; Make a leg ; Look simply . Why so ! Pish , ne're tell me : He will make a rare Citizen . I have Jewells for you to carry to the Prince . Exit . Cras . Sneak. Yes forsooth , I 'le carry them . Py. La ! you are so quick ! I have charg'd you not to shoot your bolt , before you understand your mark . And you shall carry them like a Citizen ; call your self Crasie ; sell them at my price ; and now cast no further . You see the limits of your understanding . Now Sir , how will you bear your self to his Grace ? How behave your selfe at Court ? Sneak. I hope I am not too wise to learne . Py. Why , that was well spoken . Modest mistrust is the first step to knowledge . Remember that sentence . Now mark . I will instruct you : When you come at the Court gate , you may neither knocke nor pisse . Do you mark ? You go through the Hall cover'd ; through the great Chamber cover'd ; through the Presence bare ; through the Lobby cover'd ; through the Privy Chamber bare ; through the Privy Lobby cover'd ; to the Prince bare . Sneak. I 'le doe 't I warrant you . Let me see . At the Court gate neither knock nor make water . May not a man break wind ? Py. Umh , yes : but ( like the Exchequer payment ) somewhat abated . Sneak. Through the great Chamber bare . Py. Cover'd . Sneak. Cover'd ? Well : Through the Presence cover'd . Py. Bare . Sneak. Bare ? I will put all dowe in my Table-book , and con it by the way . Py. Well thought on . Something he has in him like my husband ! But now you come before the brow of Royalty . Now for your carriage there Sir : Suppose me the Prince . Come in , and present . Here sits the Prince . There enters the Jeweller . Make your honors . Let me see you do it handsomly . Sneak. Yes , now I come in ; make my three legs — And then — Py. Kneele . Sneak. Yes ; and say — Py. What ? Sneak. Nay , that I know not . Py. An 't please your Grace , I have certain Jewells to present to your liking . Sneak. An 't please your Grace , I have certain Jewels to present to your liking . Py. Is this Crasie , that had wont to serve me with Jewells ? It is that honest man , so please your Highnesse . That 's for M. Holywater , the by-flatterer to speak . You are a Cuekoldly Knave , Sirrah , and have often abused me with false and deceitfull stones . Sneak. My stones are right , so please your Excellence . Py. Why that was well , Very well . I perceive there is a certain infection taken with lying with a woman that hath a good wit. I finde it by my husband . Come , I 'le disguise you , and away to Court instantly . Sneak. Truly wife , I fear J shall be discover'd among the Gallants presently . Py. No , no , A fool is never discover'd among mad-men . Exeunt . ACT. III. Scene III. Enter Tryman , Crasy . Crasy in his Court habit . Cras . WEll Dol , ( that thou saist is thy name ) though J had forgotten thee , J protest . About London-wall was it ( saist thou ? ) Well , J cannot but highly commend thy wisdom in this , that so well hast mended thy election ; from being a fountain of aches , bald brows , and broad plasters , thus to remember thy Creation . Try. I did consider , and I thinke rightly , what I was ; and that men that lov'd my use , lov'd it but to loath me : Therefore I chang'd my self into this shape of a demure , innocent Countrey Widdow , that had scarce beauty enough to be tempted , but not wit enough to be naught ; and quite forsook the path I trod in , and betook me to this private course of cozenage . Cras . But all my wonder is at the means , how thou gott'st into this house and reputation . And to be held a woman of such an estate . Try. That shall bee made plaine to you hereafter . Enter Crack . Now Brother Geffrey , where left you M Wolsie ? Crack . Among the Mercers , so troubled , as if all the Sattin in Cheapside were not enough to make you a wedding Gowne . He is over-joy'd that his happy day is at hand ; and I over-heard him invite one speciall friend to his Nuptialls . He cannot contain himself . On a sudden he fell a singing , O shee 's a dainty Widdow . O are you come Sir , in your new shape ? Dos not that beard fit you handsomly ? Thank my acquaintance with the Players . Cras . I thinke thou art acquainted any way , to set out knavery . Crac. If you can perform your part as well , 't is well . Heark , I hear him coming . Enter Linsie VVoolsie . Lin. VVhere are you sweet Widdow ? Look you , Look you : How do you like these patterns ? Try. Sir , here 's a Gentleman has a Letter to you : He tells me it imports the making , or the undoing of his dearest friend . Lin. From whom , I pray you ? Lin. reads . Cra. Your sometimes neighbor Sir , M : Crasy . Try. It shall take effect , doubt not . Cra. He scratches his head , though . Try. He had as liefe part with his blood as his money . Lin. M. Crasy writes to me for thirty pound ; the value of a Ring I had of him . I grant I am to pay threescore at my day of Marriage . But we are all mortall . And who knowes whether I shall live till to morrow . Cras . If not , Sir , your Bond is due to night : For it is equally payable at your hour of death . Lin. O , but such payments never trouble a man. What the eye sees not — Try. Are you in Bonds , M. Woolsie , for your day of Marriage ? Lin. Only for this sixty pound . 'T is for that Ring you weare , and I gave you upon our Contract . 'T is worth thirty pound ready mony . Try. Then when you are married , you may say you paid the rest for your wife . Pray Sir make even such reckonings before you wed . It will shew nobly in you towards your poor Creditor , and be a speciall argument of your love to me , your wife . Pray discharge it , I shall not think you love me else . Heark you Sir , if you will take thirty pound in full payment , and give me in my Bond , here is your mony . 'T is your best course . Alas , I am an unlikely fellow for wedlock . What woman , thinke you , would bestow her self upon me , a stale Batchellor , unhandsome and poor — not worth above six or seven thousand pound ? Do ; take thirty pound . aside . Cras . If you please to be friend Mr. Crasy but wich thirty pound , I le set it receiv'd upon the Bond. Here it is . And he shall demand no more till it be due . Try. Pray Sir pay it all , and take in your Bond. You shall be married within these two dayes ; to morrow , if you please : VVhat use will your money yeeld you for a night ? Pray pay it . In truth I 'le pay it else . 'T is but threescore pound . Lin. Saist thou so , Sweetheart . Come Sir. Come in and tell your money — Exit . Cras . And thank you too , good M. Linsie VVolsie , that knew so well , a bargaine was a bargaine , and would not part with your money to be laugh'd at among your neighbours . I would heartily now , if I could intend it . But I must purse your money , and then about my Court affairs . This wench I am infinitely beholden to . She remembers some old curtesie that I have forgotten . Perhaps I pidled with her when I was Prentice . Exit . ACT. III. Scene IV. Enter Sarpego , in gorgeous Apparell . Sar. THis is the Presence . I am much amaz'd , or stupified , that Mr. Tobias Sneakup , my quondam Pupill , attends not my Conduct ! Ha! So instant was his Grace , his importunity to enjoy me , that although I purchased the loan of Cloaths , yet I had not vacation , nor indeed variety to shift my shirt . And now I come to Court , I feel certain little Cattell of infamous generation about me , that do most inseparably haunt me . Now if ( when the Prince surveyes me ) any of them being strangers here , should peep to behold strange sights , and his Grace perceive them , what should I answer ? — Crasie at the hangings . Cras . O , my glorified Pedant in his most naturall strut ! Sar. I will say it was by influence of the heavens ; or , to appear the more perfect Courtier at the first dash , I will say , that though my outside were glorious , yet of purpose I left my inside lowsie . Enter Sneakup like a Citizen . Sed , O Dii ! Quem video ? nonne Mr. Sneakup ? Cra. See my worshipfull Father-in-Law ! Now the Woodcocks shoot into the glade . Sneak. Pray ye peace , you must not know me . Sar. O monstrum horrendum ! May not you and I know one another ? Sneak. Pray go home , and ask my wife . Enter Crasy in haste . Cras . Mr. Crasie . Is not one Mr. Crasie here ? Sneak. Yes Sir. Here is Mr. Crasie for a need Sir. Cras . Well done : Be bold Sir. Let not your dissimulation be read in your eyes . You know me ; give me the Jewells . Sneak. Yes Sir. Cras . Let me alone to present them to his Grace , and praise them , before you are call'd . Sneak. Will you do so Sir ? Cras . Yes ; For you know I must not seem to indeare them before your face : For that would smell rank of correspondency . Sneak. You say right Sir. Cras . But betwixt us both wee 'l make a shift to cheat him . Stay you here . I will returne instantly . O Mr. Sarpego ! Your Pupill will come and conduct you presently . Thus sometimes , by deceit , deceit is known : 'T is honest craft , by wit to get ones own . — Exit . Enter Ticket , Rufflit , Toby . To. My Quondam Pedagogue ! Sar. My Nuper Alumnus ! Come , present me to the Grace of Greatness . I am ready ; behold I am approach'd according to thy intreats , to approve thy praise , and mine own perfection . Set on : His Grace shall see that we can speake true Latin , and construe L●dovicus vives : Go , set on . Tob. I cry you mercy Sir. Upon my troth , I tooke you for Mr. Sarpego , my learned Tutor . He is very like him ; Is he not Gentlemen ? But now I come to my selfe againe , I remember this was never his walke , nor these his cloaths . Sar. Sent you not a Nuntius , or a Messenger for me , intimating , that it was his Grace his instant desire , to entertain me as his Instructor ? Tic. Alas , he has over-studied himself ! You were best let blood in time Sir. Sar. Sent I not you , by the same messenger , your ten pound ? Tob. My ten pound ? Ha , ha ha : I would laugh i faith , if you could bob me off with such payment . Ruff. Sure Sir , you use some Dormitaries . Best shave your head , and ' noint it with Oyl of Roses . Tob. Father ! Father ! Sneak. Pray peace son . The plot will be discover'd else . Tob. The plot ? what plot ? Sneak. The Jewells are sent in , What , I am Mr. Crasie now , you know . I shall be sent for in to his Grace instantly . Tob. Midsummer Moon ! Midsummer Moon ! Sneak. In very truth son , hit as 't will , I say we are beholding to Mr. Holywater . Tob. Heaven not blesse me , if I understand not the Baboons mumpings better then your speech . You are more dark then Delphos . What Holywater ? Sneak. Why the Gentleman , you know , you sent to bring M. Crasie to serve his Grace with Jewells . Tob. Father , Heaven pardon me : For sure I have a great desire to call you Cockscomb . I sent no man ; nor is there any so stiled as Holywater about the Court. Tic. Do you not want sleep sir ? Ruff. Or have you not seen a spirit sir ? Tic. Or have you not over-mus'd , or over-thought your selfe , as wee doubt Mr. Sarpego , here , has done ? Tob. Or has not my mother over-beaten you , father ? You may tell me . Sneak. Son , I am not so very a foole , but I perceive I am made a stark Asse . Oh sonne , thy father is cozen'd ; and thy mother will beat me indeed , unlesse your charity conceal me in the Court here , till her fury be over . Ticket . Hee shall stay at my Wives Chamber . Rufflit . And there instruct us in the passages of this cozenage . Tob. Do not weep father . My Lady Ticket will appease all . Ruff. Adieu Mr. Sarpego . Lure your braines backe againe . Exeunt . Sar. Sic transit gloria Mundi . The learned is Cony-caught ; and the lover of Helicon is laugh'd at . The last six-pence of my fortune is spent ; and I will go cry in private . Exit . ACT. IIII. Scene I. Enter Crasy like a Dancer . Cras . NOw , whilst my politike Mother-in-Law is in expectation of her great adventure , and my worshipfull Father-in-Law stinks at Court for feare of her ; I in this last disguise will pursue my new affairs . Me-thinks these Jewells smile on me now more chearfully then when they were mine owne before . First to my honest Punk . Crack meets Crasie at the doore . Crac. Who would you speak with Sir ? Cras . With thy sister . Dost thou not know mee Jeffrey . Where is she ? Look better on me . Cras . O , is it you Sir ? Hang me if I knew you in this habit ; though I was set here on purpose to watch for you . Cras . What 's the matter Jeffrey ? Crac. Sir she is fallen into a new fit of Melancholy . Some new project she has in her noddle . But she desires you to worke upon this , [ he gives him a paper . ] I dare not be seen to talk with any body . — Exit . Cras . What new device is this ? [ he reads . ] Since I last saw you , your Mother-in-Law , Mrs. Sneakup , has earnestly dealt with me to make me a Bride for her sonne Tobias . If there may be any thing wrought out of it to benefit you , I will suddenly take occasion to break with the Foole Wolsie ; of whom I am heartily weary ; and after , be wholly disposed by you . Sure this wench studies nothing but my profit . Well : I have thought already to make the best of her . Now to my new Mistresse . This is the house , and here 's her maid . Enter Bridget . Bri. Would you speak with any here Sir ? Cras . With your Mistresse , ( I take it ) Mristresse Crasie . Bri. May not I deliver your mind unto her Sir ? Cras . My business is of weight and secresie : yet you may tell her , here is the Gentleman that her Doctor sent her . Bri. O she expects him most impatiently — Pray enter Sir. She 's ready for you , there before you Sir — Exit Crasie . A businesse of mine owne makes me wait here . I think I saw my learned Love make this way . But he ( alas ) though small in fleshly growth , By reason of his high preferment is Now growne too great for me . Enter Sarpego musing . 'T is hee ; I know his stature , Though not his cloaths , the Ensigns of his greatness , In which how big he seems , though but a sprawler ! So cloaths can make men greater , but not taller . He 's deep in study ; I dare not interrupt him . Sar. I have adventur'd , though with trembling feet , Unto this Mansion , to exonerate , At least extenuate my suspirations For my dear loss . The Lady of this place . Who had an equall venture , and hath suffer'd In the same Fate with me , may ease my sorrow . Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris . I of my wrongs , and she of hers shall clamor . But ecce noster ubi esset Amor. Bri. Most worshipfull Sir , welcome from Court , If your poor Handmaid may presume to say so . Sar : Where is your Mistresse ? I mean your grand Matrona , Mrs. Sneakup . Bri. In the first place let me beseech you Sir , Vouchsafe your answer to a longing Maid , That can be comforted in nothing more , Then the good newes of your prosperity ; Of which I hope a part at least to be , Preferr'd by your late promise to your service . Sar. I will now breath a most strong and Poeticall execration Against the Universe . [ Bri. ] Sir I beseech you — Sar. From henceforth Erit Fluvius Deucalionis The world shall flow with dunces ; Regnabitque , and it shall raine Dogmata Polla Sophon , Dogs and Polecats , and so forth . Bri. His Court advancement makes him mad , I fear . Sar. From hence let learning be abomination 'Mong the Plebeians , till their ignorance Shall lead them blinde into the Lake of Lethe . Bri. What pity 't is that honour and high places Should make men lose their wits , sometimes their heads ! Sar. May Peasantry and Idiotism trample Upon the heads of Art and Knowledge , till The world be shuffled in th' pristine Chaos . Bri. Dear Sir , though you are highly dignified , Forget not the preferment , that you promis'd me , To scratch your head ; to make your bed ; to wash Your shirt ; to pick your toes , and to evacuate Your Chamberpot . Sar. Elephantem ex Musca facit . She takes me for a Mountaine , that am but a Mole-hill . But when she reads my poverty agen , And that these Garments must return to th' Gambrels , Her scorn will be impetuous . Enter Josina , Crasie . Jo. Go finde another room maid for your talk , Mr. Sarpego , my mother calls for you . Sar. Has she receiv'd Aliquid novi , newes from Court ? Jo. She has now receiv'd a Letter . Pray be gone , I have more serious business of mine own . Ex. Sar. Brid . You are the Creature then that my deare Doctor has sent me , that can dance , read , write , and be secret . I shall use you all in all . And I prithee how fa●es my Physitian ? Cra. I can confirm that he is yours protestedly . And to morrow night — Jo. Peace : Here comes my mother . Enter Pyannet reading a Letter ▪ I can my Cinquepace friend . But I prithee teach me some tricks . Who would care for a female , that moves after the plain pace ? No : Give me the woman of tricks . Teach me some tricks I prethee . Cra. Ha! Tricks of twenty : Your Traverses , Slidings , Falling back , Jumps , Closings , Openings , Shorts , Turns , Pacings , Gracings — As for — Corantoes , Levoltoes , Jigs , Measures , Pavins , Brawls , Galliards , or Ca●aries ▪ I speak it not swellingly , but I subscribe to no man. Jos . T is a rare fellow ! Py. Am I then cheated ? my wit begins to be out of countenance . O the Plague that hangs over her head that has a foole to her husband , as thou and I have daughter . Jo. How now sweet mother ? What ill newes changeth your face thus ? Py. O deare daughter , my Lady Ticket writes here , that the fool , thy father , is cheated of two rich Jewells , that thou and I stole from the Ideot thy husband Crasie . Cra. O that Crasy was ever a silly fellow . Py. A very Citizen , a very Citizen . How should I call you Sir ? . Jo. One Mr. Footwell , Mother ; who teacheth Gentlewomen to doe all things Courtly , to dance Courtly , to love their husbands Courtly — Cra. Your name is Mrs. Pyannet , I take it . Py. Pyannet Sneakup , Sir. Cra. Your husband is cozen'd at Court , I take it . Py. So my Lady Ticket writes , Sir. Cra. That Lady Ticket is a cunning creature . I have been inward with her ; And such are my private Intelligences , that if equall curtesie might recompence , I could unshale a plot is upon you . Py. Recompence ? Sir command me , command my daughter , my maid , my house , onely tell it I beseech you . Jo. I pray see wherein we may be gratefull . I pray speak . Cra. So it is , I am a decayed Gentleman , quite out of repaire ; fallen for want of means to the use of my feet : Nor have I hope to see better light , but onely that Love and Fortune have put upon me a right wealthy widdow . She lyes at a near neighbours house here ; and here I hover about her : but for want of some good friends countenance , some meanes for cloaths and fit housing , she holds off from consummating our Marriage . Now Lady — Py. I apprehend you Sir. Bring her to me ; lodge her with me ; I le call you Cousen I. Is she very rich ? At a neer neighbours , said you , — Not she at Mr. Wolsies , is it ? Cra. The very same . Py. ( By 'r Lady a match for my Esquir'd son and heire . Beare a braine dancer , or I may chance to shew you a crosse caper . ) Sir , bring your Widdow . Sweare to your selfe my house is yours . Now the plot , or I burst . Cra. Why then will I disclose who cozen'd you ; by what meanes you are injur'd , and how you may be reveng'd , onely you shal vow to conceale the secret-revealer , else you lose the benefit of further Intelligence . Py. Stand off daughter : I will not trust mine own flesh with a secret ; for in truth I have found it fraile . Now speak , I beseech you . Cra. Sure , precious Mistresse , very absolute creatures have had Cockscombs to their husbands . Py. Nay that 's indubitable , I know it by my self . Cra Marry to bee made Cuckqueane by such a Cockscombe , to have her Jewells prig'd away , to bestow on a Court Mistresse ; to have a trick put upon her , as you have , 't would move ( I must confesse ) a woman that were not part a Philosopher , and had a strong wit as you have . Why did you not feele the deceit ? your husbands unworthinesse , having no meanes to enjoy this Court-Lady but by gifts ; and having no course for gifts , but from you , procures some Pander to performe a fam'd message . Your hope of game puts the weighty trust upon the counterfeit fool your husband ; his simplicity seems cozen'd , whilst this Lady excuses all , and keeps all : So that your own Jewells purchase your owne horns ; nay , and you were not withall laught at for your purchase , 't were scarce enough to run mad for . Py. 'T is most plaine : I will have such a revenge , as never woman had . Enter Ticket . Tic. Good Mrs. Pyannet , bear 't as well as you may : Your losse is heavy , yet under the strength of your constant wisdome — I faith my wife was so carefull lest you should take too deep sense of it , that she importun'd my own presence to comfort you : For sure I know — Py. You are a Wittally Cuckold I know . I commend thy wives modesty yet : She will not doe it afore thy face , but will send thee out of an errand yet . Tic. What mean you ? you amaze me . Py. Nay , I look you should seem ignorant : What , to take sense or notice of your horne , as long as it winds you into profit , were most uncourtly . Well , you heare not me rage nor rave : marry I will slit the Drabs nose , crop off her eares , scratch out her eyes — Tic. Blesse us ! Py. Teare off her haire , plucke out her throat , that 's all . Come along Sir. Io. Now they are gone , I prethee M. Footwell stay a little , I will fetch thee some Letters to read for me , which I have not open'd yet , because I durst trust no body . — Exit . Py. Tic. Exit . Cras . These Letters must necessarily come from my Brace of Courtiers , Sir Ticket , and Monsieur Rufflit , which I will read cleane contrary , as if they slighted her , and answer them acrosse from her meaning , as if she slighted them : And so letting my selfe downe into their inwards on both sides , what they can get , or what my wife has , will I pump into mine owne purse . Enter Josina with two Letters . Jo. Now deare M. Footwell , as ever you pitied the use of a poor Gentlewoman , that would faine use her ●eauty , whilst there is some pleasure in it , read and an●wer these Letters with commanding eloquence ; force them to affect me . Cra. Ha , ha , ha : Will you not be offended , if I read them truly ? Jo. No : I prethee what is 't ? Cra. Stay , it seems you have written to them . Jo. Yes : but I cannot read the answer . Prethee ●hat i st ? Cra. Faith you le be angry . Jo. Nay , and you love me , what i st ? Cra. Sir Andrew here , he sayes , t is not your broad ●im'd hat , your tiffeny dresse , Spanish ruffe , and sil●er bodkin can make him disloyall to his wives bed . Rufflit here , he writes that you have a grosse body , a ●ll eye , a lowe forehead , a black tooth , a fat hand , ●●d a most lean purse . I there 's it : And you could but ●●ve , and you had but to send — Jo. A lean purse ! Cra. I , the lean purse . There 's the Devill : Were 〈…〉 u as bald as Time , as stiffly wrinkled as frozen ●●w'd Lands , more dry then a Fever , more leane then death ; had you ingross'd deformity , yet if you had but to give — Jo. Why Footwell , though my husband be but a Bankrupt Knave — Cra. Nay faith , rather a fool , Mistresse . Jo. Well , fool let him be then ; yet I have a Mother will not see me want for necessary ends : And I hope I had the wit to cozen my husband of somewhat against a rainy day . Look you Sir , I kept these for a friend in a corner . Cra. Nay , but I would not wish you to send them now : What , relieve the base wants of prating Skip-jacks to pay for your damnation ? Jo. Nay that 's sure , I will not give them : Cra. And yet , i faith , what can a Gentlewoman give too much for her pleasure ? Can there be a more heavy disgrace blowne abroad upon any Lady , then that she has not at the least two servants , since many Lovers are the onely noble approvement of beauty ? Io. I le send them both , that 's sure . Cra. But both of them to Mr. Rufflit : Oh , hee 's an absolute spirit ! He has an English face , a French tongue , a Spanish heart , an Irish hand , a Welch Leg , a Scotch beard , and a Dutch buttock . Jo. O J : J am wholly his , J will send all to him . Cra. O but Sir Andrew , he is a Courtly Lover : He can kisse you courtly , handle you Courtly , lye with you Courtly . Jo. O yes : he shall have one . J prethee praise me to them both , and commend to each of them one of these Jewells , not that I doe so much care for the use of them , yet because I would not be wonder'd at like an Owle among my neighbors , for living honest in my husbands absence . I prethee work effectually for mee , sweet M. Footwell . Exit . Enter Rufflit , spying her going out . Ruf. Mrs. Crasie : Hist Mrs. Crasie . Cra. Peace Sir , forbeare : As you would hope , doe not pursue a woman when she is out of the humor . O , untimely importunity is most distastfull . There are certain seasons to take the coldest Appetite , when she is pinning a Ruffe , playing with a Monkey , hearing a wanton Song , or half drunk . Ruf. O hat are you Sir ? Cra. A private Messenger to you Sir , from the Gentlewoman you pursue . This is your hand , is it not ? Ruf. Yes : Cra. You may keep your Letter . Ruf. But what sayes my utmost hope , the end of my ambition ? Cra. Only that you are poor , a Gallant of a very wanting fortune . Ruf. The more honor for her to redeem me . Cra. Alas , I think her means are but weak , her husbands sinking hath brought her low . Ruf. Her husband ! Alas poor fly ; onely made to be suck'd and forsaken . His wife has the life-blood of her fortunes in her , and I 'le be her cupping-glasse . Cra. I wonder his wife could nourish so unbelieving a conscience ! Ruf. Conscience ! All things rob one another : Churches poule the People , Princes pill the Church ; Minions draw from Princes , Mistresses suck Minions ; and the Pox undoes Mistresses ; Physitians plague their Patients ; Orators their Clients ; Courtiers their Suitors , and the Devill all . The water robs the earth , earth choakes the water : fire burns ayre , ayre still consumes the fire . Since Elements themselves do rob each other , And Phoebe for her light doth rob her Brother , What i st in man , one man to rob another ? Cra. You have spoken most edifyingly sir , but for you , of whom I understand Crasy merits the best Offices ; for you to corrupt his Wife , and with a covetous sinning expect use for the loan of your Loines ! Ruff. Death man , they are my Exchecquer , my Rent : Why I have no possession but my Estate taile . And at for Crasy , he has no wit ; he was created a foole , to have Knaves work upon him : a fellow made to have some pity , and all wrong ; he had ever an open Purse , and now an empty . He made it a common hole , every Gallant had his fingers in it . Every man lov'd his Fortune , squeez'd it , and when it was unjuic'd , farewell kind heart . I confess I owe him a good turn : I le pay 't his Wife . He kept her alwaies exquisitely neat ; temptingly gallant , and as a protested Cuckold should do , about his degree and means sumptuously proud . Her Eye artificially spirited , her Cheek surphuled , her Teeth blanch'd , her Lip painted , her Neck carkanetted , and her Brest bar'd almost to her Belly . And shall a peece , thus put out to sale , stand unattempted , as not worth the purchase . Cra. Yes Sir , if you could compasse her ; as sure she may be corrupted : for she is very covetous . Ruff. If I could but make shew of a Gift , or present one — Cra Only not to appeare of so needy a Fortune — Why if you chance to possess her . Ruff. Pish , t weare all mine again , and all that she had besides . And troth , I think she is wealthy . Cra. Wealthy ! look you Sir , Here are two of her Jewels , I fetcht from an Ant of hers , where they lay hid from her Husband . These are not worth the pursuit . Ruff. Nay , t is an easie Female : He , that has her , has all . What should I send ? A Gift would do it . Let me think . T is but a gross-bodyed Wench , with a blackish haire neither . Cra. Oh the better . Your lean No-bodies with yellow Manes have most commonly rotten teeth and wicked breaths . No , your full plump Woman is your only Venus . Ruff. A hundred golden peeces I am intrusted withall by my elder Brother , to purchase a peece of Injustice . If I should send them — Cra. Oh Sir , these both were yours , and they too . She pretends this straine , but onely to explore your strength of means , and to try how far you dare engage them for her enjoying . Ruff. I will send them , win her , use her , suck her Purse , recover my own , gain hers , and laugh at the poor Cuckhold her Husband . Commend with th●se my lifes blood , and Soules service to my Mistris ▪ Farewell — Exit . Enter Ticket . Cra. Sir Andrew Ticket , I take it . Tic. The same , Sir. Is Mrs. Crasie within ? I cannot keep pace with her Mother . O , when jealousie is once set a going , it runs on high speed . But let her make hast to arrive at Court , while I land on her Daughter in the City . Is she privately idle ? Crasie spits at Ticket . What dost thou mean by that ? Cra. My Vow 's discharg'd , and her Revenge is done . I am no Pandar , Sir , and yet I am of Counsell with Smock secrets , Buttock businesse Sir. Are you so stale a Courtier , and know not the necessity of Gifts ? Tic. Is that the matter I am rejected by her ? Cra. Why ? would it not provoke any Woman to be called foole , and foule-face ? Tic. I never call'd her so , by the Soule of my Affection , not I. Cra. No ; Do you not intimate she is a foole , when you hope to enjoy her without a Gift ? And foule , when your neglect of cost saies she deserves none . Tic. 'Fore Heaven I was a silly Asse , now I think on 't , to send a Sonnet without some rich present . Cra. Why Sir ? A man must do as he would be done to . Do you , or any man use to be made Cuckhold for nothing ? Tic. I should have sent a Gift . What , if I enjoy her , she may requite it . Cra. May ; Nay can ; nay will. Look you Sir , here 's Gold. Here are Jewels . They are hers ; they may be yours . I would not seem a Pandar to you though ; for you have a Wife Sir. Tic. Pish , who cares to drink out of a River ? What I can command out of duty hath but a dull relish . Had not Danae been kept in her brass Tower , she had never tempted a Gods piercing . I must send , though it be but to shew the ability of my Fortune , and the desert of her Beauty . Cra. And then to send but a trifle would disgrace both . Tic. Hold , convey this Carckanet unto her ; t is of value , and let her read by this , how much I seek her . Cra. And how deare you hold her . Sir , I can speak ; but I use to take nothing for my paines . Tic. Yes , receive this little — Nay , I prethee . Cra. Only not to appeare Uncourtly , or uncivill . I protest I abhor Pandarisme ; only as a second , or so . As you have beheld two Horses knubbing one another ; Ka me , Ka thee , an old kind of Courtship . Tic. I prethee return instantly my success : You shall find me at the Ordinary ; come and Dine with me . Cra. I have procur'd a private Stable for my Horse : And therefore I my selfe would be loth to stand at Livery . Cra. Dost compare common Stables for Horses , and publick Ordinaries for Gallants together . Cra. Troth yes sir , for as in Stables , here a goodly Gelding of twenty Pounds price , & there a raw-backd Jade of foure Nobles by him . So at Ordinaries , here a worthy Fellow of means and virtue , and there a Cheating Shifter of wants and cosenage . Here a Knight , there a Beggar ; Here a Gallant , there a Gull : Here a Courtier , there a Coxcomb ; Here a Justice of Peace , and there an Esquire of low Degree . Or , in direct Phrase , a Pandar . Tic. Such a one as thou art . Cra. Umh , Virtue goes often wetshod , and is forc'd to be cobled up with base means , to hold out water and cold necessity . You command me no further sir . Tic. No honest Knave , farewell — Exit Crasy . Now Mr. Crasy , will I button up your Cap with a Court-brooch . You demand Debts , do you ? I le pay you none . Oh t was a notable dull Flat-Cap . He would invite Courtiers ; stand bare , say grace , make legs , kiss his hand , serve us in perfum'd linnen , and lend us money upon our words , or bare words . Were 't not a sin to let such a foole passe unsuckt ? No , Fortune drest him only for us to feed on , and I le fall to . Exit . ACT. IV. Scene 11. La. Ticket . Sneakup . Toby . Page . La. Tic. BEE comforted Mr. Sneakup ; Remember you are in my Chamber . Beare the heart of a Husband , who scorns to tremble at the face of his Wife ? Do not feare sir . Tob. Stand firm Father , do not sinck before the face of a Lady . La. I have sent my own Husband to satisfie her , and I hope he will do it throughly . Be your selfe therefore ; all the Pleasures the Pallace can afford , shall strive to mitigate your feares . Sneak. Have you any Pleasures in the Court , can make a man forget he has a Wife ? To. Sir we have pleasures will make a man forget any thing , even himselfe ; therefore necessarily his wife , who is but part of himselfe . La. T. Boy , sing your song of the Court delights . They sit : Sneakups head in the Ladies lap . The Page sings — Enter Pyannet with a Truncheon . Sarpego . Py. Are you lull'd in your delights ? No pillow for your Goatish , head , but her Ladyships lap ? Sneak. O dear ! O wife ! I did not know you were so nigh truly . Py. You are ignorant still , I know : But I will make thy bones suffer as well as my browes . Thou Cullion ▪ could not thine own Cellar serve thee , but thou must be sneaking into Court Butteries ? Sneak. Oh , oh , oh — Sar. Vae misero . To. Hold deare mother . La. T. Sweet Mrs. Pyannet hold . Py. Art thou there , daughter of an Intelligencer , and strumpet to a Bearward ? La. T. Now Beauty blesse me , was not thy mother a notorious Tripe-wife , and thy father a profest Hare-finder ? Gip you Flirt . Py. How now Madam Tiffany ! Will none but my Cock serve to tread you ? Give me my Jewells thou Harlot . To. Mother — Pray Mother — Py. Bestow steeping thy skin in perfumes to kill the stink of thy paintings , and rotten inwards to catch Cockscombs . To. Dear mother . Py. But thou shalt not cozen , and Cucquean me ▪ To. Sweet mother — Sar. Lupus in fabula . The Devill 's in the womans tongue . Py. A whip on her ; rotten eggs and kennell dirt on her silken Whoreship . Sar. Nil tam difficile . Nothing can lay her . La. T. Nay , let the Countrey Gentlewoman bee mad and rave on ; she knowes I know my Countrey Gentlewoman had a Bastard before shee was married . Py. Did um so ? The Countrey Gentlewoman was more chaste in a Bastard , then the Court Madam in her barrennesse . You understand me ; you have no Green-sicknesse there , yet ( I hope ) you have few Christ'nings ; you have trickes for that , have you ? To. Nay mother — Py. You have your Kickshaws , your Players Marchpaines ; all shew and no meat . Sar. Nulli penetrabilis Astro . Shee 'l heare no reason . La. T. Go to ; you know how in private you commended your Horse-keeper to me . Py. Well : And didst not thou in as much privacy counsell me to contemn my husband , and use an Italian trick that thou wouldst teach me ? Sar. Quid faciendum ? Best stop their mouths ? La. T. Out you bawble ; you trifle ; you burden smock'd sweaty sluttery , that couldst love a fellow that wore worsted stockins footed , and fed in Cooks shops . Sar. Jaculis & Arcu . Thunder and Lightning . Py. Ods my precious — ▪ Sneak. Nay dear , sweet wife — Py. How 's this — To. Honey Mother — Py. Take this , and take all . Why goody Complexion , thou Rammy Nastinesse , thou knowest wherefore thy Gentlewoman left thee ; did she not sweare that she — To. For modesties sake — Py. Had rather be at the opening of a dead old man , then stand dressing thy head in a morning . Remember the Page that wore thy picture , and the song which thou hadst in the praise of the male Baboon . Sar. Tacete parvuli : You have said too much . To. Indeed mother you will be sorry , when you know how much you mistake ; some crafty fellow has put a trick upon you . Sneak. Me-thinkes sweet wife you should rather condole our losse with me . Py. Hold you your peace ; do not you prate . Sar. Redde te Harpocratem : The man is wise enough . To. 'T is true ; misfortune hath wrought the Iewells from my father . Sneak. Indeed wife , truly , truly , I am Cony-catch'd — To. But for my father , or this Ladies wronging you , as I am your son , I assure you I have been an eye-witness of all fair respect towards you . Py. Is it even so ? To. Mother , as I respect your blessing it is perfect truth . Py. I humbly beseech you sweet Madam , that my earnest and hearty sorrow may procure remission for my inconsiderate and causelesse Invectives . Let my confession seem satisfactory , and my contrition win indulgency to my forgetfull delinquency . I pray you let us kisse and be friends . La. T. Alas sweet friend , you and I have been inward a great while , and for us to fall out , and bare one anothers secrets — Py. VVell , 't was mine error , not malice ; but as for the procurer of it , if I pay not him in his owne Coyne — Mr. Footwell ! I le shew you a trick of twenty . Come son , I have a wife for thee . To. A Wife ! a Wife , Mother ! O where is shee ? Py. I , my boy , a Wife — To. O ho. Py. And such a one as thou shalt blesse me for procuring . Curteously farewell , sweet Madam : Where 's my Fool ? Come , leave the Court sirrah , and man your owne wife into the City — Exeunt omnes . ACT. IIII. Scene III. Josina , Crasy . Jo BUt I prethee satisfie me : What returne they ? Received they my Jewells ? Cra. Yes , they prov'd acceptive , Jo. And what said they ? Can they affect ? Cra. Can they be damn'd ? Before I will undergoe againe such a business — fore Heaven I do as little differ from a Pander ! only I have nothing for my pains , or else — Jo. Thou shalt have . Are thy news happy ? Cra. Are your own wishes happy ? Jo. Hold , spend this ten pound for me , Footwel . Cra. Will you make me a Bawde . What a Bawde ? And yet introth , what would not a man be for your sake , that have such wit and such bounty ! I cannot refuse , but suffer your Virtue to be exercis'd upon me . Jos . Now , prethee speak ; what 's their answer ? Cra. Why , I le tell you , they are both your own . Jos . Both Footwell : I prethee how ? Cra. Why , no more but this ; they are both yours ; only you know , but one hand in a Glove at once . But I had so much to do with one of them ; such a coyle to draw him to it — Jos . Which , I prethee ? Sir Andrew ? Cras . Even he : He saies , he understands that you affect a Mountebanck . Sure , your Doctor is but some base bragging Rascall . Jo. Do you think so ? Cras . How should Sir Andrew know else that he is come to embrace you to night ? Jo. Does he know that too ? Cra. Yes marry does he , which the worthy Knight takes so contemptuously , suffering so base a Rivall , that he vowes , unless you beat him , bastinado him soundly when he comes , he will loath you most constantly . Jo. Enough , if I do not make him an Example to all the bawdy Quacks in the Kingdome ; say there is no virtue in Cudgels , and Bed●●aves . I le charm him for opening any more secrets of mine , I le warrant him . And so write to Sir Andrew . Cra. Welsaid Mistress , be resolute . I mean to help you my selfe . Jo. I le cast about for weapons 〈…〉 — Exit . Cra. Yes , I will write to Sir Andr●w 〈…〉 that , which he shall have small cause to thank me for . I wil write for him to come in the habit of this Doctor . My●… ACT. IV. Scene IV. Linsie Wolsie , Crack with a Lute , &c. Lin. SHee 's gone , shee 's gone : Was ever man so cheated ? Threescore pound for a Ring ; and the Ring gone too , for which I paid it : A moneths dyet and lodging , besides the charge of Physick and attendance . Five pound in dole bread , would have serv'd my house a twelve moneth . I am undone ; broke , Bankrupt : But thou Rogue shalt smart for all , now I have caught thee , Crac. Mercy , dear Sir , mercy . Lin. Were you making up your packe to bee gone too ? Crac. Nothing but my own Sir , my Lute , and a few Musick-books . Lin. You and your Mistresse have made sweet Musick of me : Therefore sirrah quickly — Are the Beadles gone for ? Servant within . Yes Sir ▪ Lin. Therefore quickly , I say , as you were an Acter in the Cosenage , bring her to light , or — Crac. Shee 's light enough her self : But a very Innocent I , Sir. She has cozen'd me of halfe a years service , wrought me off o' my leggs , strain'd my backe , crack'd my voyce , done me to my utter undoing ; and can you think I knew of her running away ? Lin. I 'le make you sing another song sirrah : Are the Beadles come ? Crac. Any song Sir , or as many as you please . He sings a song . Lin. Pretty I confesse . But that 's not the song must do it ; nor can any song please me at this time . Are the Beadles come ? Serv. within . Yes Sir , they are here . Crac. Deare Sir , let 'em forbeare a little . And if I cannot please you with a song , commit me to their fury . Lin. 'T is but to trifle time : yet sing before you suffer . Worse then t'other this ; you shall sing in another place , to the whip , to the whip , Sir ? Bring in the Beadles , and away with him to Bridewell . He sings another song . Crac. Yet once more , good Sir , try me this last time , and but promise me , if I can sing a song that you shall like , to forgive and free me . Lin. Sing a song that I shall like , and I will free thee . Crack sings againe . Then shall a present course be found For M. Wolsies threescore pound ; And his Ring , And the thing That has given him the slip — Lin. I marry , that I like well . Crac. Then I have ' scap'd the whip . Lin. Think you so Sir ? Crac. Yes : For you like the song well , you say , and I am free ; I hope you will make good your noble City word , Sir. Lin. City words use not to passe for songs Sir ▪ Make you good the words of your song , Sir , and I shall make my word good Sir : Come away Beadles . Crac. O stay Sir , I beseech you , and let your Justice fall on the right shoulders . I 'le confesse all . Lin. O will you so Sir ? Crack . 'T is most true Sir , that the Gentlewoman ; whom I call'd Mistress , is a most cunning whore , and a notorious cheat . Lin. These are good words indeed ! Crac. Shee came to your house with foure men in Liveries ; they were all but hired Pandars . Lin. Yes , and divers Trunks of supposed Treasure , which I finde to bee Baggs of Nailes , and other old Iron , and all the Rings and Stones shee boasted in her Will are but Curtaine Rings , and Bricke-bats . Crac. Your owne covetousness cozen'd you Sir : But if I now bring you not where you shall see how shee is since bestowed , and that you finde not hearty cause to rejoyce that you were cozen'd of her , let me be whipp'd to death , Sir. Lin. Well , come along Sir : But I will have a Guard upon you . Crac. What Guard you please Sir , so my poore skin may scape the Lash-guards . — Exeunt omnes . ACT. V. Crasy , Tryman , Pyannet , Toby . Try. O thou Varlet , thou unconscionable Unbeliever , ungodly Miscreant ! Hast thou cozen'd my easie Credulity ? And wouldst have undone and married me , like a Cony-catching companion , as thou art ? Didst not thou tell me , thou hadst moderate means of life , friends of fashion , and civil● reputation ? And now this vertuous , religious Gentlewoman tells me , thou art an arrant Skipjack . Py. Nay , and has not a hole to put thy head in , but upon my curtesie . Try. But I thank this Matrons worship , her pity will not permit my easie Nature to suffer under thy Cosenage : But bestowes her generous Son and Heire here upon me . — Py. A Gentleman of another spheare , another ●anck then you are Sirrah ; that shall have three hundred yeare in Esse , and five in Posse . Try. That is acquainted with young Lords ; has had the honour to make a Hunting match . To. I , and a challenge to ride the wilde Goose ●hase . Try. That hath made Ladies Posies for Cheese trenchers . To. And play'd with Countesses at Shuttle-cock . Try. And to this Elegant Spirit and choice hope am I , and my Fortunes contracted . Cras . How ! contracted . Try. Yes Sir , contracted . Look you , I dare seale it before your face . Kisse . Cra. Are you so . To. She is mine sir , mine sir . Do you mark , I dare likewise seale it sir . Kisse . Cra. Is there honesty in this dealing ? Py. Yes sir , Is there not profit in this dealing ? Cra. T is very well . If there be no Law upon words , Oathes and Pre-contracts , and Witness . If a man may spend a hundred Angels upon a Widdow ; have her affied before Witness , and then have his Nose wip'd of her . Why , T is very well . Tryman takes Pyannet and Toby aside . Try. Intruth deare heart , and sweet Mother in expectation , to speak equally , there have some words of course past betwixt us , which may seem to impart some Ingagement . Surely I have been too liberall of some speech of advantage . Truly it would not be amiss , ( considering his Expence and Interest ) to fall to some slight Composition . Some hundred Pounds would make the poor Knave do any thing . To. Mother , let 's be wise . Let 's be wise Mother ; fetch a hundred peeces presently : That even upon his first consent , he may be satisfy'd and silenc'd . Try. For if he chance but to be delay'd till he ask Counsell , then — Py. Mum. A word to the wise . — Exit . Cra. Nay , I hope as long as I am a Subject , I shall have Law : I doubt not but I shall have Law. Try. Come Sir , you shall not deservedly exclaim of my neglecting you . For our sometimes Love , I have procured you a hundred Pounds . Cra. To disclaim my right in you , I le take 't . Here 's my hand , I le take it . To. Pox , how my Mother staies . Cra. Scorn my Poverty ! Come , where i st ? Because I have not the Muck of the World. Come , the money . Enter Pyannet . Py. Here sir , upon this consideration , that you disclaim and renounce all interest — Cra. Yes most freely . Py. In this Gentlewoman ; and do vow , never to pretend future claim to her . Cra. I do , marry . — To. Nay , no marries sir , you have receiv'd the money . You shall make no more marries here . Come my betrothed Spouse , bid a Fice for him , Say black 's thine Eye who dares . Mother I le be married to night , and to bed presently . Py. This night , Son ; t is very late . To. never to late to be wise . I hope I am your Son ; and must beare a Brain . Py. Indeed , he that deales with Woman , must take occasion by the fore Lock . Away — Exit . Cra. Why ! I am weary of money now : I have gotten more in a weeks Cosenage , then in all my daies of Honesty . VVhat an easie coole thing it is to be a rich Knave ! Gramercy Punck . A witty VVench is an excellent help at a dead lift . But in despite of the Justice that provok'd me , my Conscience a little turns at these brain-tricks . But they have all been ungratefull ; ungratefull ! T is a sin that should have no mercy : t is the Plague-spot ; who has it should not live . If holy wisdome from the thundring Cloud Had given more Lawes then ten , this had ensu'd : Avoid , O man , mans Shame , Ingratitude . For my poor Lot , I could have sweetly slept In quiet want , with resolute content , Had not defect of wit , uncurteous scorn Been thrust upon me . Now they all shall feele , VVhen honest men revenge , their whips are steele . My Courtiers are the next that I must exercise upon . This night my wife expects the embraces of one of them at least , if this hasty Marriage call her not from her Chamber . But she being a right woman may prevent that with a fained sicknesse , or so . Let me remember , J wrote to Rufflit to come like her Doctor Pulsefeele , to minister to her . This will jump right with a counterfeit sickness : It may , perhaps , break a Urinall about his Coxcomb . Musick . How now ! O perceive this great Wedding goes forward . Musick . Torches . Sarpego . Toby and Tryman . Sneakup and La. Ticket , Pyannet . Josina in night attire . Bridget . They passe as to the VVedding with Rosemary . Crasy whispers Josina . She takes leave of her Mother , seeming to complain of being sick ; and so returnes with Bridget . Then enter Rufflit like a Doctor . Cra. So , this falls out pat . She is no sooner gone Sick to her Chamber , but here comes her Physitian , to cover and recover her in a trice . Ruf. Hist , Footwell , Footwell . Cra. Seignor Rufflit ; J am a foole if J took you not for a Physitian . Ruf. She wrote to me , that J should come in this habit . Cra. Right Sir , to avoid suspect : For which cause she has counterfeited herselfe sick , and lies longing and languishing till you minister to her . Ruf. And am J come pat ? am J come i' the nick ? Cra. Your Fortune sings in the right Cliff , sir , a wench as tender as a City Pullet . Ruf. But not so rotten . Cra. Oh sir , health it selfe ; a very Restorative . VVill you in ? The way lies open before you . Ruf. Hold Footwell , tel that till J return — from branching the most meritted Cuckold Crasy . Poor Snake , that I must force thee to cast thy Skin . And he were not a Citizen J could pity him : He is undone for ever . Methinks J see him all ready make earnest suite , to weare a red Cap , and a blew Gown ; comely to carry a Staff-torch before my Lord Mayor upon Alhalloune night . Watch Footwell , J mount . — gives him money . Exit . Cras . But now , if the agitation of my Braines should work through my Browes . If my Wives pitifull hand should fall to composition with my Doctors Pate , and my deceit be discovered before the Bastinado had given charge to his Shoulders , were not my Forehead in apparant danger . T is done in three minutes . Death , my Courtier has a sanguine Complexion : He is like a Cock sparrow , Chit , Chit , and away . Heart o' man ! And I should be blown up in mine own Mine now ! Ha. Ruf. within ▪ Hold Mrs. Crasy . Deare Bridget . Help Footwell . Cra. Ho the hubbub 's rays'd , and my feare 's vanisht . Enter Josina , and Bridget beating Rufflit : Crasy takes Bridgets Cudgell , and laies on . Jos . Out you Pispot-caster . Bri. You Suppository . Jos . You Glister-pipe , thinkst to dishonest me ? Ruf. Hold , deare Lady — I am — Jos . A stincking saucy Rascall thou art , take this remembrance . Exit . Cra. Hold , sweet Mistress . Ruf. Oh I thank you good Mr. Footwell . Cra. Oh , it is not so much worth verily . Ruff. Oh , but t is sir . He● draws his Sword from under his Gowne . Crasy closes with , and disarmes him . Rogue . Rogue . Nay prethee sweet Rascall , Pox on you , I did not mean to hurt you , my honest Vagabond , tell me , tell me : Come , who was 't put this Trick upon me . Thou art a precious Villain : Come , whose devise was it ? Whose plot . At whose Suit was I Cudgel'd ? Who made me feigne my selfe a Physitian , till I must be forc'd to go to the Surgeon ? And dare'st tell me ? Cra. Nay , then I will tell you . Dare ! why t was your Friend and Rivall , Sir Andrew Ticket . Ruff. Ticket . Cra. Even he sir . His Gold hir'd me to gull you . And this brain procur'd your beating . Yes faith sir , Envie , bribes , and wit have wrong upon you . Ruff. Well , if I revenge not — Cra. But how sir . Ruff. I , afore Heaven , that 's well thought on . Give me but the meanes , and I will not only forgive , but reward thee richly . Cras . Come faith , because I would have both your Shoulders , go in one Livery , I must disclose . Why sir , Knavery is restorative to me , as Spiders to Monkeys . The poyson of wit ●eeds me . Enter Ticket . Boy with a Torch . Look you sir , he 's come . Stand close , take this Cudgell , grasp it strongly , stretch your Sinewes lustily ; And when you see him hang by the middle in a Rope , let your Fist fall thick , and your Cudgell nimbly . Ruf. And soundly . My ambitious blowes shall strive which shall go formost . Cras . Good sir . Ruf. draw him up but halfe way . Cra. So sir , I must up to receive . — Exit . Ruf. Do so : I shall be so reveng'd now ! He had been better ha' been taken in Bed with another mans Wife , then have prevented me thus . Tic. Vanish Sirrah with the Light. This I am sure is the Window which her Letters call'd me to . Ruf. I would you would begin once , that I might be at work . I do not love to stand idle in the Cold thus . Tic. Hist , Footwell , Footwell . Crasy above : Here sir , here . O I watcht to do you a good turn . Will you mount sir ? Tic. I will mount , remount , and surmount . I wonder that there is not a solemne Statute made , that no Citizen should marry a handsome Woman ; Or if he did , not to lye with her . For and t were not for Gallants help , they would beget nothing but Fooles . Crasy lets downe a Rope . Cra. Right sir , right sir . Take the Rope , and fasten it about your middle sir . Tic. Why , that 's Crasy ; a very Coxcomb . Cra. An Asse , an Asse . Tic. A meer Citizen . Were 't not a shame his wife should be honest ? Or is 't not pity that my own man should wholly enjoy a rare excellent proper woman ▪ when a whole Corporation scarce affords two of them . Cra. Most true sir . Now mount sir . I pluck courageously . Pray Hercules my strength faile me not . Ruf. Up sir , up sir . Rufflit cudgels him . Tic. Pox , and pain ! Hold Doctor . Ruf. Save you sir . Tic. I am most sensible of your Salutation . Pluck Footwell . Cra. Alas the Cord sticks-sir ; I le call some help sir . Crasy comes downe . Tic. Death and Devils ! Ruf. Fists and Cudgels . Tic. Heart , Lungs , Lights . Ruf. Armes , Shoulders , Sides . Tic. Help , help , help . Enter Crasy . Cra. Passion of Heaven Doctor : I le Doctor you away . Exit Rufflit Tic. Redeem me deare Footwell Tra. Yes sir I come for the same purpose . Alas sir , me thinks I even feele your blowes . Are you not sore ●ie ? Tick. Sore ? Couldst thou not pluck ? Cra. Sure I was Planet-struck ; the rope stuck in a slit Sir. Tic. A Pox o' the ●lit , say I. Cra. Know you this mad Doctor ? Or do you owe any Doctor any thing ? Tic. I know him not ; nor do I owe any Doctor any thing ; I onely owe my Barber-Surgeon for a dyet-drink . Cra. Speedily make up your face Sir , here comes company : M. Rufflit ! Ent. Rufflit in his owne shape . He hugs and shakes him . Ruf. Honest Footwel ▪ how dost ? Sir Andrew ! Heartily how is 't ? — Tic. As heartily as thou wilt ; but not so hard I prethee . Ruf. Why what 's the matter ? Tic. I bruis'd my side e'en now against a formes edge . Ruf. Parma●●ty , Sir , is very good , or the fresh skin of a flead Cat ? Tic. Flead Cat ? Ruf. The fly-blowes of a dead dog , made into oyl , and spread upon the kell of a meazell hog . Musick . Cra. Hark Gentlemen , the Wedding comes , forget old bruises , and put on sense of the lightest colour : for this house to night vowes to run giddy with mirth and laughter . Enter Lights : Sarpego , Toby , Tryman , La. Ticket , Pyannet , Snerkup . Ruf. Joy , health , love and children to this happy union . Tic. Unbruis'd bones , and smooth foreheads to you both . Py. What shall no device , no mirth solemnize my sons match ? Go Sneakup , call downe our daughter . Exit Sneakup . In despight of sicknesse , mirth and joy shall make this night healthfull . Try. O mother , cold sobriety and modest melancholy becomes the face of the Matron ; unedifying gawdes are Prophane vanities . Mirth is the fat of fools , onely vertue is the nourishment of purity and unsinning sincerity . Py. By the leave of your wisdome daughter , wee 'l take the wall of your precisenesse : for Mr. Sarpego has told me of a learned subject for a Ballet , which wee shall see acted presently . Try. What is it , some Heathenish Play ? Sar. No certes , but a very religious Dialogue , full of nothing , but morall conceits betwixt Lady Luxury , a Prodigall and a Fool. Try. But who should act and personate these ? Sar. Why in that lies the nobility of the device ; it should be done after the fashion of Italy by our selves , only the plot premeditated to what our aim must tend : Marry the Speeches must be extempore . Mrs. Bride would I have to play Dame Luxury , and Mr. Footwell here the Prodigall . Py. And my husband the Fool. Enter Sneakup , Josina and Bridget . Sneak. I , and 't please you wife . Sar. I le play the Inductor , and then we are all fitted . Try. I pray you what is Lady Luxury ? A woman regenerative . Tob. A Whore , wife : Sar. In sincerity not much better then a Curtezan ; a kind of open Creature . Try. And do you think me fit to represent an open Creature ? Saving your modesties , a Whore. Can I play the Strumpet , think yee ? Jos . Trust me Sister , as long as it is done in private , in ones own House , and for some few selected Gentlemens pleasure ; Me-thinks the part is not altogether the displeasingst . Try. Modesty defend me ! you think t is nothing to play the Strumpet . Sar. Why surely religious Lady , it can be no disgrace to you to figure out the part : For she that cannot play the Strumpet if she would , can claim no great honour to be chast . Bri. How gravely and sententiously he speaks . Tob. Wife , it shall be so : It is my first Injunction ; you shall do it , or disobey me . You must play it . Try. What , the Whore sir ? Tob. I , in jest : What hurt is 't ? And Mother , you shall excuse my Father for this once : For since my wife plaies the Whore , I le play the Foole my selfe . Though , I know , you had rather see him do it , you shall see for a need , I can make shift to perform it as well as he ; as naturally , and to the Life . Sar. Exceeding well thought on , I pray you , Lady , approve of it . Py. Let learning direct , I am not to prescribe to the Muses . To. Come sweet heart , let 's in and tire us , and be ready to enter presently . Sar. I fausto pede — Ex. Tob. Try. Now for the Prodigall . Cra. O doubt not , Mr. Sarpego : For know Sir , I am but a poor serving creature , that lives upon expectation ; Oh Sir my end must be husks . Feare not my discharge of the Prodigall — Exit . Sar. Nil nisi Carmina desunt . To entertaine ye , while we attire our selves . We want but now some Musick , or a Song , But thinke you have it . Sit : wee 'l not be long . — Exit . Py. Seat you Gallants ▪ Sit , sweet Sir Andrew , Madam ▪ and the rest , and wee 'le imagine Musick , as M. Sarpego bids us . Enter Linsle Wolsie , and Crack with his Lute . How now ! By what misrule comes he to trouble us ? Lin. By your leave , Gallants , I have brought you Musick . Py. You Sir , I know your purpose , and it is prevented ; you come after the Marriage to forbid the banes . Ha ha ha — you are short , M. Wolsie , you are short . Lin. Good Mrs. Sneakup you are wide . I come to wish joy to the match , and to tell you I rejoyce , that I mist a Bridegrooms part . Py. How 's that ? Lin. You see I wear no Willow , and am merry ▪ All 's true you told me , boy ? Crac. Yes by my detestation to Bridewell Sir. Lin. Sing boy that song , If I have any griefe , it shall be all vented in a Hymeneall Song . Tic. I have not known him in this humor . Ruf. Sure 't is a merry madnesse for the losse of the widdow , Py. Since you come friendly , you are welcome , M. Wolsie . Pray sit with us , and heare your Hymeneall Song . Crack sings . Jo Hymen , Jo Hymen , Jo Hymen Py. This begins well . Was wont to be still the old song At high Nuptiall Feasts Where the merry merry guests With joy and good wishes did throng : But to this new Wedding new notes do I bring , To raile at thee Hymen , while sadly I sing . Fye ô Hymen , fye ô Hymen , fye ô Hymen , What hands , and what hearts dost thou knit ? A Widdow that 's pr●re , And a very very Whore , To an Heire that wants nothing but wit ▪ Yet thus far , O Hymen , thy answer is made , When his ●●●ns are spent , they may live by her trade . Py. He sings Hymen and Hymen ; but me-thinkes the song is scandalous to the Marriage . Lin. Excuse me Lady , though I was cozen'd of the Bride , I have no such malice ; 't is a song that the boy could sing by chance , and made by a couple that were lately married in Crooked-Lane . Py. O , is it so Sir ? I knew not what to make of it . Florish . Enter Sarpego , the Prolocutor . Tic. Let us attend I pray ; the Prologue enters . Sar. Right Country Dame , and Courtly Lady , Look for sense as s●all as may be ; But , if wit deceive your thinkings , Know our Muse disdaines base shrinkings . Hold a while your Verdicts bridle , Judge not yet our Project idle , Till at length the close may show it , If we act the part of Poet. Enter Tryman and Toby . She loosely drest like a Curtezan , a bowle of wine in her hand . He in a fools Cap and Coat . Speak Lechery and Folly , Luxury I would say ; I need not prompt them , they know what they should say . Try. Out you base Rascall , you muddy Slave ; thou hast married me , and I will drink a health to thy Cuckoldmaker . — She drinks it off . To. Sfoot I am afraid shee 'l play the whore better then I shall act the fool . Try. Thou under-hearted , dull-blooded Pantaloon ▪ thou whose utmost honour is to be made so good ● thing as a Cuckold ; thou sonne of a Copy-holder ▪ and the Pudding-pye womans daughter , dost tho● think , dar'st thou but imagine , that I shall ever vouchsafe to love to doe any thing , but laugh at thee ? Hence you Poultroon ; thy voyce sounds not so farre as thy breath stinks — Kicks him ▪ To. Nay but , nay but do you heare wife ? I do not very well like this ; me-thinks you play too much in earnest . Try. In earnest ? Why Goodman Fool , you Cock● ▪ comb , you Ninnihammer , you Clotpold Countrey Gentleman , thou dirty greediness . — Py. Why how now daughter ? Are you well ? Me ▪ thinks you over-do it too much . Try. Thou dream'st my good husband , that thou hast married the rich widdow , ha ha ha — Sar. Now enters Prodigality . Enter Crasy in his own habit , all hung with Chaines , Jewells , Bags of Money , &c. Cra. When the troth is , deare brother , you have married the rank whore . Ha ha ha . To. Sir ! — who , brother Crasy ? Jo. Sweet husband ! Py. Dear son ! Tic. Ruff. Precious friend ! Lin. Neighbour Crasie ! Sar. Dij boni ! Domine Crasie ! Cra. And how doe you wife ? When comes your Doctor Pulsfeel ? But a kisse and so forth ? And would not one of these free Gallants , these proper youths have serv'd the turne ? I pray pardon mine incivility , Mother ; I was bold to retaine mine owne Jewells . Ha' you not forgot your singles and your doubles , your fallings back , and your turnings up wife ? Jo. Why ifaith , dear heart , dost thinke me so simple , that I did not know thee all the while ? Alas man , I did but counterfeit , as you did , to maintaine the jest ; kisse me sweet duck — onely to maintaine the jest ifaith . Cra. Yes , yes , yes , we are Friends . I heartily thank these kind Gentlemen for their loves to you , yes saith , heartily : I am better by it five hundred at least . Be not you jealous Madame , they had nothing for it ; not a bit by this Light. Ruff. Death o' my Fortune ! that was my Gold. Tic. Plague of a Villain , that was my Jewell . Cra. True Gentlemen ; and your bounty likewise lies in this Bag. La. T. Sir , we sent these things to your Wife . Cra. I thank you for it ; we have but one Capacity in the Law , you know : What 's hers must be mine . I know thou wouldst have it so sweet-heart . I am onely sorry Gentlemen , that you were so well favourdly beaten . That the Foole Citizen , the Asse Citizen , the Cuckold Citizen should procure such a sound swadling to your wise , valiant and substantiall Shoulders . Is 't not a sore matter ? But rest , Salves and warm Oyles may in time recover it . How do you kind Mother ? Gentlemen , if any of you want Money Gentlemen , here stands a City-wit that has it . I have it , if you want any ; speak , I have it , and will keep it . How does your Costard Sir ? A Pox o' th Slit , Sir. Belov'd of Phoebus , Minion of the Muses ; deare water bayly of Helicon , be not proud of your Preferment , though you are his Highnesse tutor . Mother , J take the restoring of my rich Jewels very kindly . O my kind Brother , you have got the rich Widdow ; and you have borne a brain Mother . Your hundred pound , brother , was most thristily and opportunely bestow'd . J could ha' procur'd her to you at an easier rate , Mother . J am onely sorry for you Mr. Wolsy , that you had her not : Because you very honourably releast me of your Bond before it was due ; and are in shrewd danger to be laught at among your Neighbours . How does good Mr. Crasy , the Princes Jeweller ? Mother , did not my Father look too wise for a Citizen ? How dost honest Punck ? I am as much beholden to thee , as to the rest o' them . Py. My sonne and my heir is utterly undone . To. O! I am quite cast away . Cra. O no , you shall be no loser by me ; you shall be a gainer by me Brother : Get wit Brother ( marke you ) wit. Good faith I pity the poore Citizen , hee has no wit ; a handsome young fellow , with a pretty beard , and a proper bodied woman to his wife , and cannot beare a brain ! Try. Why dost heare , modestly mumping Mother-in-Law , with thy French-hood , gold-chain , and flaggon-bracelets , advance thy snout . If the foole thy son , the Ideot my husband here , have but as much brains as a Battledore , he may make a faire revenue of me : Has he not a place at Court ? Can he not lodge me there , and prove weak-sighted , thick of hearing , sleepie after dinner , and snort when others entertaine and Court me ? Can he not survey the hangings , read Cupids Conybery , the Park of pleasure , Christian Love-Letters , or some other Pamphlet , or faine some errand into the Town , whilst his browes are turning into gold ? Py. O impudence beyond womans apprehension ! Sonne Crasie , we have all wrong'd thee , thou know'st it ; thou hast reveng'd it , we feel it ; only do not undo my heire , save him , bring him but off o'th is match with any loss . Cra. Why mother , is your son grown such a sawcy Knave , as he thinkes scorne to be a Cuckold ? I cannot cleare him ; in truth I cannot : He has paid for her deeply , and 't is pity they should be parted , yes faith is 't . Py. Woman , we do pray thee , we do beseech thee , even upon our knees — have pity on the house of the Sneakups : quit my son , relinquish thy right , make frustrate this marriage , and look thee , before these able witnesses , we heartily forgive all , and forget : And withall , freely bestow this chaine upon thee — Py. and Tob. kneel . Pulls off her chain and gives it . Try. I do receive it . To. She does receive it , beare witness all , she does receive it . Try. Marry on this condition — To. No I 'le no more marries nor conditions , you have receiv'd it . Py. I , you must make frustrate the Marriage ; for look you , you have receiv'd it . Try. I will , and freely do ; only the condition I would have made , is this , That if you intend longer to be Master of your husband , now that you have seen how well it became me , you will henceforward do as I do — Look you , wear breeches . Puls the coats up , and shews the breeches . Py. O horrible ! To. How ! do you wear breeches ? Try. Yes Sir , breeches ; and as good lining and stuffing in them , I hope , as yours have , though they be of Sattin . To. I 'le feel that : Sfoot mother this is a man. Come and feel else . Try. A young one Sir. Puts off his head-dress . See Master your poor servant Jeremy , if he has perform'd his part , desires to be admitted into the Livery of wit , and to wear this chaine as his ensigne of Freedome . Omnes Jeremy ! To. Jeremy ! O Jeremy ! thou wer 't ever too hard for — Try. Except at spoonmeat , Sir. Jo. Ieremy ! Try. Yes , Mistress : Indeed forsooth . Cra. Well , give me thy hand : I will love thee as long as there is swiftnesse in meditation , smoothnesse in flattery , or constancy in malice . Py. And for the cure that he has wrought on me , I will applaud his wit ; and blesse the light It gave me to discover my foule error : Which by his demonstration shew'd so monstrous , That I must loath my self , till I bee purg'd . Sir , by your fair forgivenesse , which I kneel for — Sneak. Heaven make me thankfull : Wife I have no words To shew how I rejoyce : Rise , let me kisse thee — Sar. Tempora mutantur . The towne 's ours again . Only , to fill the Scene with joy , may wee Conjoyn sweet maid , in the Catastrophe . Bri. Would you that have taught Greeke , and whip't great boyes , come backe to your Horn-book , and let down your Gascoines to me , that would , if I had you , bee more tyrannous then any Pedant that ever reign'd since the dayes of Dionysius : Besides here is my choice , with my Master and Mistresses leave , Jeremies brother . Cra. But is hee seriously thy brother ? Try. Yes , and no more a Pimp Sir , then I am a Wench . Cra. Well , Mr. Sarpego , I 'le help you to a fitter match , and Crack I will give thee something with her : Take the security of my hand . Crac. I only desire to be secure from this mans fury , and so consequently from Bridewell . Cra. He shall have nothing to say to thee . Lin. I will have nothing to say to man , woman , or child , while I live againe . Sar. Fortuna nihil aufert sapienti : Fools and Fidlers are her Favourites . Cra. Let us make this a merry night . Think of no losses . Sirs , you shall have none ; My honest care being but to keep mine owne . What , by my slights , I got more then my due , I timely will restore again to you . Omnes , Thanks kind Mr. Crasy , thanks . Sar. Gratias vel ingentes Domine Crasy . Epilogue . NOw let me Scholastikewise For us all Epiloguise : If these slender Scenes of Wit Are receiv'd , as they were writ , For your mirth , and no offence ; Let your Grace quit our suspence With applaus'd Catastrophe . I am short , w 'yee ( as you see ) There a Figure , which pray note yee , Sic valete valetote . Gratias Reddo Cuicunque . Valetote ●terumque . FINIS . THE DAMOISELLE , OR THE NEW ORDINARY . A COMEDY . LONDON , Printed by T. R. for Richard Marriot , and Thomas Dring , and are to be sold at their Shops in Fleet-street , 1653. Prologue . OVR Playmaker ( for yet he won't be calld Author , or Poet ) nor beg to be installd ●ir Lawreat ) has sent me out t' invite ●our fancies to a full and cleane delight : And bids me tell you , That though he be none Of those , whose towring Muses scale the Throne Of Kings , yet his familiar mirth 's as good , When t is by you approv'd and understood . As if h' had writ strong lines , and had the fate , Of other Fools for medling with the State. Readers and Audients make good Playes or Books , T is appetite makes Dishes , t is not Cooks . But let me tell you , though you have the power , To kill or save ; They 're Tyrants that devoure , And Princes that preserve : He does not ayme , So much at praise , as pardon ; nor does claime Lawrell , but Money ; Bayes will buy no Sack , And Honour fills no belly , cloaths no back . And therefore you may see his maine intent Is his owne welfare , and your merriment . Then often come , 't will make us and him the wetter , Wee 'l drown the faults of this , in one that 's better . Dramatis Personae . VErmine , an old Vsurer . Dryground , an old decayed Knight . Sir Amphilus , a Cornish Knight . Bumpsey , an old Justice . Brookeall , a Gentleman , undone by Vermine . Valentine , Drygrounds Son. Wat , Vermins Son. Freindly , a Templer . Two Gallants Oliver , Ambrose , Trebasco . Sir Amphilus his Footman . Attorney . Mrs. Magdalen , Bumpseys Wife . Jane , his Daughter . Alice , Vermins Daughter . Frances , a young Gentlewoman . Phillis , a poore Wench . Elianor . Lawyers . Serjeants . Servants . Rabble . The Scene LONDON . THE DAMOISELLE , OR , The New Ordinary . ACT. I. Scene I. Vermine , Dryground . Ver. YOU have your Money ; full a thousand pound , Sir Humfrey Dryground . Dry. And you have my Mortgage . Ver. All well and good ; all well and good . But , now , Sir Humfrey Dryground , let me counsell you . You have already spent a faire Estate ; A goodly , great estate : I do not taunt , Nor taxe you for 't . Dry. Because it s pumpt into The purses of such wretches as thy selfe . Ver. But give me leave , now , fairely to admonish You , to a care , how you do part with this . You spirited men call Money Dirt and Mud. I say it is the Eele . Dry. And you the Mud That foster it . Ver. It is an Eele , I say , In such sleek hands , as yours ; from whence it glides — Dry. Into the Mud , oft-times , from whence it came . Ver. I know you doe conceive me . Therefore , Sir , ( As I before was saying ) Hold it fast . Dry. According to the Ballad . He sings . Youth keep thy Money fast , And tye it in thy Purse : For that must be thine onely Freind , For better and for worse . Ver. So so , I see it going already . Dry. I , to thy comfort . This is the Usurers Scripture ; And all that they pretend Salvation by : To give good admonition with their Money ; Though , in their hearts they wish the quick subversion Of all they deal with . This is all they plead Against the curses of oppressed soules : Did not I warne you ? Did not I say , take heed ? And so , and so forth . I must thank you Sir. Ver You say , you le make a venture of this Money . Dry. Yes Mr. Vermine , in a Project , that — Ver. Out upon Projects . Fy fy , out out out . Dry. I 'm confident shall set me out of debt , With you and all the World ; and reap , againe , All , that I formerly have sowne , with profit . Ver. Sowne ! There 's a word ! Prodigall wast is sowing . We shall call Shipwrack , shortly , sowing too . Heark you Sir Humfrey Dryground , may not I Be privy to your Project ? Will you tell me , If I guesse on it ? Dry. That I will in sooth . Ver. Is 't not to dreine the Goodwins ? To be Lord Of all the Treasure , buryed in the Sands there ? And have a Million yearely , from the Merchants To cleer the passage . Dry. You have had your blow . No Sir , my Project is in the behalfe Of the poor Gentleman , you overthrew . By the strong hand of Law , Bribes , and oppression ; Brookall : Do you know him Sir ? whose state you suck'd That wrought him to a poverty that cryes Your sinfull Covetise up to the heighth ; And renders you the Monster of our time , For avarice and cruelty . Ver. No more of that . Dry. You should do well to add a sum , like this To his releife : To wave the bitter curse That will in time fall on you and your house . Ver. O ho ! I now remember , you have reason . That Brookall had a Sister , whom you vitiated In your wild heat of blood , and then deny'd Her promis'd Marriage ; turnd her off with Childe A dozen yeares since , and since that , never heard of ▪ Ha! Is 't not so ? Pray , did you know her Sir ? Dry. I wish I could redeem that ruthfull fault , By all expiatory meanes : But thy Inhumane cruelty is inexpiable : Unlesse ( it comes from Heaven into my heart To move thee to 't ) thou tak'st a speedy course To give him threefold restitution . I le put thee in the way . He has a Son , A hopefull Youth , a Student in the Law , If his poor Fathers want of means have not Declined his course : Give him thy onely Daughter , And make his Fathers owne Inheritance ( By thee unrighteously usurpt ) her Dowry ; And pray a blessing may go with it : And then Thou mayst regaine a Christian reputation , Till age shall lead thee to a quiet Grave . Come , is 't a match ? Will you bestow your Daughter On Brookalls Son , and make your way to Heaven by 't ? Ver. You have your Money . Dry. And thou hast Adders eares To all such Counsells . Ver. If you break your day I shall thinke of your counsell . Dry. Farewell Vermine . Exit . Ver. And farewell Dryground . This parcell of thy Land , I le keep from wetting : The Mortgage . T is not in thee to turne an Acre of it Into pure Liquor , for a twelve moneths day . And break that day thy payment , and the Sun Sets not more sure , then all this Land is mine . My Daughter ! ha ! Can 't be in thought of man To dreame of such a Match ? A wretch , a Beggar ? Within there ! Where ▪ s my Girle ? What Ally ? Ally ? Enter Alice . Ali. Here Sir — Vir. My blessing , and good morne : Now heare me Girle . Ali. Now for a Speech — Ver. The care of Children's such a startle-braine , That had I more then one , I should run Wild-cat , ( Then one I mean , to care for ) that 's thy selfe , My sober discreet Daughter . Note my care , Pil'd up for thee in massy sums of wealth ; Too weighty for thy weak consideration To guesse from whence it came , or how together So layd in mountainous heaps . Ali. It is indeed As strange to me , as are the stony wonders On Salsbury Plaine to others . But my duty Perswades me t was your thrift , and that great blessing That gives increase to honest Industry , Drawne on it by your prayers and upright life , That wrought these heaps together . Ver. O , Ally Ally , T is well if thine with all thy Huswifry Can keep 'em so . I thanke thee for thy judgement And charitable thoughts . But — Ali. You had other wayes . Ver. I say , thou art the onely Childe I care for . Thy Brother ( though I loath to call him so ) Is , now , an utter stranger to my blood ; Not to be nam'd but with my curse , a Wolfe That teares my very bowells out . Ali. Your Money . Ver. A riotous Reprobate , that hath consum'd His last , already , of my meanes and blessing . Ali. But he yet may be turn'd Sir. Ver. Out o th' Compter ! May he be so , dost think ? Could I but dream His Creditors , that have him fast , could be So idly mercifull , or that his youthfull Ghing Could stretch , to get him out , I le lay , my selfe , An Action on him weightier , then the strength Of all their poor abilities could lift : His Jacks , his Toms , his Nams , Nolls , Gills , and Nuns , The roaring fry of his Blade-brandishing mates Should not release his Carcasse : If they did , I 'de force him to a tryall for his life , For the two hundred Peices that he pilfred . Out of my Counting-house . He shall up . Ali. I will not forfeit my obedience Sir , To urge against your Justice , onely I crave Your leave to grieve , that I have such a Brother . Ver. Thou shalt defie the name of Brother in him , My onely , onely Childe ; and but in one command Obey me further , all my estate is thine , T is that I cald thee for . Ali. I do not crave More , then your daily blessing ; but desire To know what you le impose upon my duty . Ver. Thou shalt , and stile thy selfe a Lady by 't . Ali. Now Love defend me from the man I feare . Ver. This day I le match thee to a matchlesse Knight . Ali. The Westerne Kight Sir , that was here last Term ? Ver. Even he , this day he comes to Towne . Ali. Would I Were out on 't first . A matchlesse Knight Aside . Indeed , and shall be matchlesse still for me . Ver. I like those blushes well : I read his welcome Upon her cheeks . Ali. Sir , I have heard , he has But little Land. Ver. But he has Money Girle Enough to buy the best Knights Land , that is A selling Knight , in the West part of England . Ali. He 's well in yeares . Ver. A lusty Batchelor of two and fifty , With , O , the husbandry that 's in him . Ali. How came he by his Knighthood ? Cost it nothing ? Ver. No : He was one o th' Cobbe-Knights in the throng , When they were dubd in Clusters . Enter Servant . Ser. Sir , the Knight , That you expect this day , is come to Towne . His man has brought 's Portmantue . Ver. Fetch the Man. The welcomst man alive is come to Towne . Ally , my Girle , my Daughter , Lady Bride ! What title shall I give thee ? Now bestirr you , I know his thrift , he has rid hard to day To save his Dinner Enter Wat disguised like a Countrey Serving man. Welcome honest freind . And how does the right worshipful Sir Amphilus ? Wat. My Master is in health Sir , prays'd be Go — A little weary , or so , as I am of my carriage , Which I must not lay down , but in the hands Of your owne Worship . Ver. T is of weight and lock'd : I guesse the worth , And warrant him the safety under these Keyes . But where 's thy Master ? Wat. At his Inne in Holborne Telling a little with the Host , till I Bring word from you . Ver. No , I will run to him My selfe : you shall stay here ▪ his Chamber Fitted against he comes , Ally , bestirr you , And thinke no paines your trouble on this day , To morrows Sun shall light your Wedding way . Exit . Ali. Unlesse some unexpected Fate releive me , I shall be hurried to my endlesse ruine . Wat. You are sad , me thinks , young Mistresse , I can tell you , My Master , when he comes , will make you merry . Ali. How ? As he is a Foole ? Wat. No : But as he has The soule of mirth and Musick at command ; Money , the all-rejoycing spirit ; that Hee 'l make you merry with : Nor that alone , But Dignity , which Women prise 'bove money , You are a Lady by 't : Mark that . And if He has a weaknesse , which you reckon folly ; It laies you open way to Soveraignty ; The thing which is of most esteem . You 'll be His Lady Regent ; rule all his , and him . Ali. This Fellow talkes not like a Serving-man : A forty shilling wages Creature , but Some disguis'd spokes-man . What may be the trick o' nt ? Wat. You cannot , in th' estate you are , imagine What t is to be a Wife to such a man. Ali. No more then you perceive the paines you loose In fooling for him thus . But spare your breath , And take this briefe tast of his Entertainment . First know , that J do know the man you speak of , To be a covetous Miser ; old and foolish . Not worth in my estimation the worst Meale That ever he himselfe paid three pence for . Wat. Who do you mean ? Sir Amphilus my Knight . Ali. Yes Squire , J know him and his qualities ; The waies he got his Wealth by , casuall Matches ; Of forty , fifty , and sometimes a hundred For one . When bounteous Fortune ( seldome failing Men of his Brain ) cast all into his mouth , The Gudgeon gap ▪ d for . And how slight a thing It is , for such base Worldlings to be rich ? That study nothing but to scrape and save . That have no Faith , but in their ready money , Nor love to Worldly pleasures above those Poor Coblers use . Wat. Cheap Whores , and Duck-hunting : There ▪ s his delight indeed . Ali. J hate to think of of such a Dunghill Scarab . A water-Dog Knight ! Wat. But Wedlock , to his age , will bring him home To choicer pleasures , and abandon such . Ali. His Age is fit for nothing , but to rock Anothers Child ; and to rejoyce through Spectacles , At the strong Guesse he has , it is his owne . Wat. You slight him strangely yet : but when you see Him , and his weighty reasons to confute you . — Ali. J will nor weigh , nor see him , or his reasons . And if thou ow'st him so much Service , tell him ; Go back and tell him strait : save him the end Of his intended Journey . For to come Hither , will be to drive me hence . And tell My Father , ere he shall enforce me , take him ; I le flye into the Armes of one he hates . Wat. Are you in earnest ? Ali. Yes , by all my hopes . Wat. These are the armes that must receive thee then . Nay , be not frighted Sister ; look , t is J. Off his Beard , &c. Ali. Beshrew me but J am . How got you hither ? Could not the Compter hold you ? Wat. So it seems , My Virtue was not to be so obscur'd . Noble Sir Humphrey Dryground , Sister , was My franck Infranchiser . O , J have wonders To tell thee Sister . Thou must go with me . But first , lend me some money . Borrow some ; ( And let it be a good Summe ) of my Father , Now in his absence . Come , supply , supply My Pockets and thine owne . For we must hence . Th' art made for ever , Sister . Quick , dispatch . Ali. What 's the meaning of all this ? Wat. T will be too long to tell it here . The Rascall foole , to whom my Father gives thee , Is come to Towne : And should he now surprise thee , Here in my Fathers power , thy strength might faile thee . Be therefore at a sure Guard. O , Sir Humphrey , How are my Sister and my selfe bound to thee , That plottest this escape . Dispatch good Ally , And heare thee rest by th' way . Ali. Why ? Wither ? What 's the matter ? Wat. Say thou will have that Coxcomb , I le but kill thee , And leave the here : And all my care is over . Ali. I le sooner dye then have him . Wat. Why do you not shun him then ? O , sweet Sir Humphrey , Is thy care slighted thus , in my delivery ? In my disguise ? In sending out my Father On Tom-fooles Errant ? While a Coach is sent To the back-doore here ; All to save my Sister , My thanklesse Sister here , from worse then Rape . Ali Why , whither would you have me ? Wat. But hard-by . But till the Wilde-fire of my Fathers Passion Shall be run out . Slid , J had eene forgot . Beare money with us , Sister ; pretty store . Who knowes occasions ? Let him keep in pawne My rich Portmantue for 't . Ali. There 's some good stuff in 't . Wat. More then hee ▪ ll thank me for . Wee 'll talke i' th' Coach In , in , and furnish ; & so through the Garden , And , whirre , we are gone . If we should be prevented ; By this good steele , if J but heare one knock , I le make sure work o ▪ thee . J can but trusse for ▪ t. There 's a faire end on 's both . And what will he Do with his money then ? Look how thou standst . Jf you respect your Father , or the Dog-Master , To be your Husband , better then me , then take You your owne course : Mine shall be known next Sessions . Ali. Better then you , don't you respect your Father Better then me ? Wat. No , if J do , let me be hang'd for nothing : And that would anger any man I think . 'Slid , thou and J had one Mother , ( which We both take after ) so had not he and we . And he takes after no body , that J know . He loves a stranger better then 's owne Childe : And that mans money , better then that man , The Devill 'bove all J think . Thou dost not know What Coales we stand on . Ali. Who shall look toth'house ? Wat. Wilt loose thy selfe with keeping that ? Is that All now ? Away , away . Ali. Y' are a precious Brother . Exeunt . ACT. I. Scene II. Bumpsey , Dryground , Valentine , Magdalen , Jane . Bum. ALL this needs not Sir Humphrey . Dry. Do but heare patiently , and do your pleasure . J go not about to stop your course , Mr. Bumpsey . Bum. Nor J yours , Sir Humphrey ; Nor your Sonnes here ; Nor his Wifes there : Onely this Gentlewoman , in mine owne right J may be bold withall , while you depart my house , if you may be intreated , so . Is not this right ? Is not this plain ? Mag. Yet heare his Worship speak , good Bump. Bum. Good Whirly , what can his Worship speak ? Or your wisdome twatle for him , in this Cause ; that J do not understand already ? Has not his Sonne wedded our Daughter ? How directly , or indirectly , who meddles with his match ? Nay more , has he not bedded her ? How , directly or indirectly , who meddles with that either ? Let him have and hold , possesse ( Hmh. ) and enjoy ; do his worst , and make his best of her , though she be an Heire , J will not sue him out of her : No , J protest ; were it Ante Copulam , as it is post , J would not crosse em . Is not this right and plaine enough . Dry. But good Mr. Bumpsey , Brother Bumpsey , I would call you — Bum. Keep your Brothers and your Goods to your selfe , Sir , J have no need of ' em . You are a Knight , and a man ot Worship — Val. He will speake all himselfe . Bum. J am a plaine Fellow , and out of debt . Mag. J , let him run on . Bum. J sought none of your Allyance , J — Val. Has he the speed to run beyond himselfe ? Ja. Yes , and bring himselfe about , J warrant you . Bum. Nor to be joyned with houses of great sound , Whose noise growes from their hollow emptinesse . J could have matcht my Daughter here , that was , But now a Barronettesse in Reversion , To a substantiall Heire of two faire Lordships . Dry. Perhaps no Gentleman . Bum. Yet honourable , Land-Lordship's reall honour , Though in a Trades-man Son : when your faire Titles Are but the shadowes of your Ancestry ; And you walk in 'em , when your Land is gone : Like the pale Ghosts of dead Nobilitie . Ha! I st not so ? Is not this right and plaine ? Dry. Yes like the priviledge you use in your owne house here . Bum. Nay I come up to you now Sir Humfry Dryground ; Up in a point of Chivalry . You are a Knight , A Baronet to boot : Your son is like T' inherit that deare paid-for title , but ( You le give me leave to use my plainnesse ) Dry. Freely . Bum. Your son ( I say ) is Heire to your bought honour . Which may hereafter Ladifie my Daughter : But where ▪ s the Land you once were Lord of ? Ha! The goodly Cornfields , Medows , Woods , and Pastures , That must maintain the House , the Gownes , the Coach , With all by complements of Horses , Hawks , and Hounds . Val. Now hee s in . Bum. Where be the Parks , the Warrens , Herds , and Flocks ? Besides the Gardens , Orchards , Walks , and Fish-ponds ? Dry. For that heare me . Bum. Ods pitty , give me leave , You , that had all these once , in three faire Lordships , To be wrought on , and tonyed out of all , But a small pittance of Trois Cents per Annum , By Providence intayld upon the Heire , ( Or thad had wasted too ) which now maintaines you , In a proportion of Smoak , and Sack , To wash your mouth with after , where you live Confin'd in Milford Lane , or Fullers Rents , Or who knows where , it skills not — Dry. Must I heare this too . Mag. Now he has almost done . Bum. Can you ( I say ) think your good husbandry A lawfull Precedent for your Gamesome son To make my Daughter happy in a Marriage , Though he had twice my Fortunes ? Ja. Now hee 's coming : Beare but with this ; and if he offer not More then you would request , I le lose your love . Bum. But here 's the substance of 't , you have my Daughter , Your Son , sir , has my Daughter , that must have , And shall , my whole Estate at my Decease ; ( No Law exacts it sooner ) This Estate You safely may suppose ten thousand pounds , Which J have got by thrifty Industry . Onely one thousand , J confesse , my Wife Improv'd my Fortune with , Here 's the just summe . J give her ▪ leave to give it to her Daughter : She may endow her Husband with it . So , Is not this plaine ? Now note me further , sir ; What J have left is my owne ; and you , sir , may Which what is theirs take hence your Son & Daughter , Till you shall heare old Bumpsey is deceast . Then let him come , and challenge all — that 's left ; Mean time J know my course . Ja. Now chop in with him , Mother , you know how apt Hee is to crosse you in these Moods . Val. Deare , worthy , honour'd , sir , Bum. sh●t , sh't , sh't ; Woman come you with me . Mag. J Bump. Let us go our way , and let them take theirs agods name . Val. Pray heare me , sir . Mag. At this time , sir , he shall not . Bum. Shall not ! He shall sure : Ods pity ! shall not : Are you pleas'd to speak , sir . Val. not to offend — Bum. Not to a Fiddlestick . Shall not ! Can you speak or not ? If not , pray yell me so . Val. J married , sir , your Daughter . Bum. You may thank her Mother for 't , not me . Well , will you speake ? Val. J married her in a firme hope to winne Your Love and favour . Bum. Well . Val . Which , since I have not yet ; and time must worke it , I would make this my suit . Bum. Would I could heare it once . Val . That you would take With re-acceptance of this thousand pound Your Daughter and me into your Family . Bum. And why the thousand pound ; doe's 't burn your Fingers ? Give us but meat and lodging for●t : My Father , Out of his little left Estate will give us A hundred yearely for other necessaries . Bump. With all my heart . Val. And as you finde my regular life deserve Your future favour , so extend your bounty , When Age shall call upon you to dispose Of all your faire Possessions . Bum. Humh ! A pretty od speech this ! I would I knew The meaning on●t . Val. I mean , Sir , as I speak ; that till you finde Strong probability in me to manage A good estate , you trust me not with any . Bum. Ha! Is it so ? Then J come to a point with you . Mag. Marke him now , Sir Humfrey . Bum. You look , Sir , in my Daughters right , to have , After my death , my whole Estate , by shewing Me , in my life time , your good husbandry , by husbanding of nothing : Y' have tane off halfe my purpose ; for J meant To have kept it in my power , whether to leave her Any , or nothing : And , perhaps ( d' yee heare ) By an odd course , that J was thinking on To ha ▪ made all nothing ere J dy'd : But now Halfe of that power I le put into your hands , I le try what you can do with something . Mag. Halfe ? What meane you halfe ? Bum. Even halfe of all J have . Mag. J hope you will not deal so . Bum. And as he deals with that , I le use the rest . Mag. Pray be advis'd . Bum. Never by you ' gainst this : I le give him instantly the free possession Of halfe J have : Now marke ; if you increase , Or keep that halfe , then , doubtlesse , J shall do , As well with tother for you : If you diminish Or waste it all , I le do the like with my part . Mag. Husband . Bum. I le do 't : Together we will live : And I le along with you in your owne course , And , as you play your game , you win or lose all : Thrive and I le thrive : Spend you , and J will spend : Save , and I le save ; scatter , and I le scatter . Mag. You won't be mad . Bum. I le do 't : Let him throw Money Into the Thames , make Ducks and Drakes with Peices , I le do the like : till he has made a match Or no match of my Daughter : There 's the point And the whole substance on 't . Dry. Will you do so ? Bum. Will I ? T is done . I le make him a good husband , Or be no husband for him : And so see What 's mine , out of the danger of his waste , And have some sport too for my Money : Ha! I love to do these things . Mag. Nay , but in one thing , Bump. let me advise you . Bump. In nothing `gainst this course , good whirly : no , T is so set downe . I know I shall be counted An odde old humorous Cockscombe for 't by some : But the truth is , I love to do these things : And so God gi yee joy . Dry. I le take my leave Sir. Bum. Not so I hope , Sir Humfry . Dry. I have businesse , And go well satisfied with this agreement : And , Val. take briefly this my Charge : You are now A Husband , be a good one : Y'have my blessing . But ( heark you ) do you remember ' gainst the evening ? Val. All Sir , all : I have spread my Nets already . Dry. Sir , fare you well . Bum. At your pleasure Sir. Dry. I le shortly visit you . Bum. At your own good time Sir - Exit Drygr . These shall stay here , I le blindfold them with Money , And by a new way try , if they can grope The right way into th' World. Come your way . ACT. II. Scene I. Oliver . Ambrose . Ol. ANd why this Gullery to me , good Ambrose ? Am. J swear J am serious , and you may may beleeve it . Ol. What , that there can be in the World an Asse ( Wert thou a fool to credit it ) that would keep A House , by way of publike Ordinary , For fashionable Guests , and curious stomacks ; The daintiest Pallats , with rich Wine and Chear ; And all for nothing , but all 's paid and welcome ? Am. Vall Dryground told it me , whose truth deserves So well my credit , that , prove you it false , I le pay all Ord'naries and Taverne reckonings You shall be at this twel'moneth . Ol. J have heard Of all the Mockeries , the Ape , the Ram , the Hornes , The Goat , and such tame Monsters , whom poor wits Have sent wise Tradesmen to , as to a Knight , A Lord , or forrain Prince ; to be his Mercer , His Taylor , Semster , Millener , or Barber : When those , that have beene mock'd , still sent their Neighbours , Till halfe the City have bee fool-found . Ha! I st not some such poor trick ? Am. Here comes my Author . Enter Valentine . Ol. O Mr. Bridegroom , that stole the wealthy match ! How got you loose so soone ? J thought you had beene tyed up by the Loines , like a Monkey to the Bed-post , for a fortnight at the least . How does old Bumpsey , that Freecost Drunkard , thy mad Father-in-Law , take thy stolne Marriage ? I am sure he knows on 't . Val. He found 's abed last night i' th' nick , as we say . But we are peec'd this morning . Am. Then he wrangled it out , of himselfe . J know his singular humour . Ol. What has he gi'n thee ? Val. Halfe , of all he has . Am. How ? Val. On this Condition , that , if J save That halfe untill he dyes , the rest is mine too . Ol. What if thou spendst thy halfe ? Val. Hee l spend the tother ; and the same way , hee sweares . Ol. Hee 'l nere keep Covenant . Val. He tell you how he runs at waste already , This morning the French Taylor brought a Gowne home , Of the fashion , for my Wife . He bought one Streight , ready made , for his old Gentlewoman , That never wore so rich in all her life . Am. O brave old woman ! How will shee carry it ? Val. I spoke but of a Coach , and he bespoke one . Ol. Wonder upon wonder ! Nam was telling one Before thou cam'st . Val. What the new Ordnary ? Ol. Dost know the man that keeps it ? Val. They call him Osbright . A brave old Blade . He was the President Of the Can-quarrelling Fraternity , Now calld the Roaring Brotherhood , thirty years since , But now grown wondrous civill , free , and hospitable , Having had something fallen to him , as it seemes . Ol. That Osbright has been dead these many years . Val. It was given out so : But he lived beyond Sea. Ol. There ▪ s some strange plot in 't . Val. O thou pollitick Noll . Ol. Judge thy selfe , Val , what can the mystery be ? He tells me there 's no Gaming , so no Cheating ; Nor any other by-way of expence , By Bawdry , or so , for privy profit . Val. Such a suspition were a sin . But now I will unfold the Riddle to you . This feasting Has been but for three dayes , and for great persons , That are invited , and to be prepar'd To venture for a prize . This very night There will be some great Rifling for some Jewell , Or other rare Commodity , they say . I cannot nam 't : t is twenty pound a man. Ol. Is not that gaming prithee ? Val. That 's to come : But , hitherto , nor Dice , nor Cards ▪ nor Wench , Is seen i th' house , but his owne , onely Daughter . Ol. O! has he Daughter there ? Mark that Nam . No gaming sayst thou ? Ods me , and they play not At the old Game of old there , I dare — Val. I dare be sworne thou dost 'em wrong . Ol. Shee s too ftale , is shee ? T is above twenty yeares since he went over , And was reported dead ( they say ) soon after , In France , I take it : But , then , it seemes , he lived , And got this Damsell there ? Is she French borne ? Val. Yes , she was born and bred there : And can speak English but brokenly . But , for French behaviour , Shee s a most compleat Damoiselle , and able To give instructions to our Courtliest Dames . Ol. Shee must be seen . Am. But see who here comes first . Enter Vermine ▪ Servant . Ver. Thou hast undone me Villaine . Ser. Out alas ! I was as ignorant of the deceit , As your owne innocent worship ever was Of cozening any man of Land or Living . Ver. Was ever man so cursed in his Children ! Val. T is the wretch Vermine . Ol. What makes he here , trow , in the Temple Walks ? Val. What should he do elsewhere , when Law 's his Lechery . The Devils itch dry up his marrow for 't . He undid a worthy Gentleman I know . Ol. I , Brookall , thrusting him out of his Land. Am. Hee 's fitted with an Heire for 't ; one that can Justly inherit nothing but the Gallows . Ol. Where 's Brookalls son ? He had a hopefull one ; And , at sixteen , a Student here i th' Temple . Val. Alasse his Fathers fall has ruined him . Meere want of maint'nance forc'd him to service ; In which hee 's lately travell'd into France . Ver. Go backe to the Recorders : Fetch the Warrant , I le search the City and the Suburbs for her . Exit Servant . Amp. But Vermine has a daughter may prove good , Val. A good one like enough : I le lay a wager Hee 's poching 'mong the trees here , for a Broker ; To match his daughter to a landed husband . This is their walk . Ol. Let 's try if we can fit him . Val. Thou 'lt nere indure his breath , it stinkes of brimstone . Ol. I le take the wind of him : You are well met , Sir. They say you have a daughter you would match , Sir. Ver. It may be I have ; it may be not ; How then ? What 's that to you ? Ol. Pray be not angry Sir. The worst of us has land , and may deserve her . Ver. Pray let me ask you first , if you be not The knaves consederates that stole her from me ? Val. Is she stolne from you Sir ? In troth I am glad on 't . Amp. T is the first newes we heard on 't . Ol. Though J assure you We heard none ill to day : But very good , As that of the New Ordinary . — Amp. Then the good successe This Gentleman had lately with a wife — Val. And lastly , this you tell us ; which , but that It comes from your own mouth , were e'en too good For our belief , me-thinks . Ol. Pray , is it true Sir ? That your daughter 's gone , lost , or stolne , as you say ? Amp. May we report it after you , good Sir ? Ver. What are you ? I would know . Val. Gentlemen , Sir , That cannot but rejoyce at your affliction . And therefore blamelesse , that desire to hear it . Ver. Cannot this place ▪ where Law is chiefly studied , Relieve me with so much , as may revenge Me on these scorners ? How my Slave stayes too ! Yet I may find a time . Exit . All. Ha ha ha . — Ol. Look , look , what thing is this ? — Enter Amphilus , Trebasco . Amb. Trebasco , Skip-kennel . Tre. .... Amp. It speaks , me-thinks . Ol. Yes , and its shadow answers it in Cornish ▪ Val. I know him ; 't is the wi●e Western Knight , that should Have married Vermines daughter . Amp. Skipkennell , you shall turn Footman , now , Skipkennell . I 'le nere keep horse more — Tre. You must be Footman then your self Sir. Amp. No nor Mare neither . Tre. You need not Sir , now you be determined to marry , and live here i' the City altogether . And truly , Sir , she could never ha' dyed better , nor been taken from you ( as they say ) in a better time ▪ so neere her journeys end . Amb. His Mare 's dead it seems . Amp. Was it well done of her , dost thinke , to die to day upon the way , when she had been i' my purse to morrow in Smithfield : Poor fool , I think she dyed for grief I would ha' sold her . Tre. 'T was unlucky to refuse Reynold Pengutlings money for her . Amp. Would I had taken 't now : and she had not dyed mine own , 't would nere have griev'd me . Tre. Pray hear it Sir , as they say — We are all mortall you know , and her time was come , we must think . Amp. And 't had not been the first losse that ere I had in my life , I could ha' born it . Tre. And grace og ( as they say ) it shall not be the last . Amp. I would thou couldst ascertain me that ; but mischiefes are taild to one another , and I must grieve as well for the what 's to come , as the departed . Ol. We will have a bout with him : Who is departed , Sir ? Amp. My Mare , my Mare Sir : 'T was the prettiest Tit — But she is gone — Ol. How , is she gone Sir ? Tre. You will not talk to ' em . Val. How is she gone , I pray Sir ? Tre. Sir , as it were , because she could goe no further . Val. Good angry man give us leave to talk with thy Master . Ol. Good Sir a little more of your Mare . Tre. I would you had her all to do you good Sir : she lies but a quarter of a mile beyond Brainford . Val. Did you leave skin and shooes , and all behind Sir ? Tre. Shoes all behind ▪ I thought how wise you were : Come away Master ▪ No , while she liv'd , she never wore but two behind Si● . Ol. Gramercy honest fellow , thou hast wit in thy anger . Amp. Sirrah , answer not the Gentleman so snappishly . Tre. How can I choose , when they do nothing but make a foole of your Worship before your Worships face , and your Worship perceives it not . Val. Good Sir , fall from your man to your beast againe . Tre. There againe , another main mock : He would have him fall from a man to a beast . Amp. Give me the shoon ; let 'em go I say , I will have ' em . Tre. Pray take 'em then , hee 'l ne're be wiser . Amp. These were her shoon Gentlemen , I 'le keep 'em for her sake , that little Tit , my little poor Gonhelly , that would have carried me on this little iron from Pensans to S. Columb on a day . And that 's a way would try a stumbler you 'l say , if you know it . Val. 'T is enough , I know you Sir Amphilus , and have fool'd enough with you . Adieu ; my businesse calls me . Gentlemen , will you meet me to night at the Ordinary ▪ — Exit . Ol. Yes , and perhaps , be there before you too . Come Ambrose — Exeunt . Amp. Od Gentlemen , me-thinks Tre. Why did you talk with ' em ? What had you to make with ' em ? Amp. True , wee have other matters to think on : Your first course Trebasco , after we come to our lodging , shall be to Turnbull-street , to the Cobler ▪ Tre. Your Dog-tutor . Amp. Yes , and see how my whelp proves , I put to him last Term. Tre. Yes , Sir. Amp. And know of him what Gamesters came to the Ponds now adayes , and what good dogs . Tre. Yes Sir. Amp. And ask him — Dost thou heare ? If he ha' not done away his own dog yet , Blackswan with the white foot ? If I can but purchase him , and my own whelp prove right , I will be Duke of the Ducking-pond . Tre. Never misdoubt , your whelp 's right I warrant you ; for why , he could lap before he could well go : And at ten weeks old he could pisse under leg . Amp. He was a fine forward Puppy , true enough : But and that be a signe of short life , and he should peak away after my Mare now — Here , prethee take her shoon againe : What should I keep 'em for ? They put me too much in mind of mortality , do 'em away , make money of 'em , and I le convert it into a Dog-Collar — Enter Vermine . Servant . Tre. I le try the Market with ' em . Ver. the frumping Jacks are gone . — Amp. See my Aldermanicall Father-in-Law ! How d' yee do Sir ? I am come . I keep my day you see before I am a Cittiner among you . How does my best belov'd I pray , your daughter ? You do not speak me-thinks . Ver. Ask you for my daughter ? Let me aske you first what was your plot to put me in this fright , to make me trudge to your Inn , whilst knave your man here — Is not this he ? Ser. I doubt Sir he was taller . Ver. Having first left a bag of Trumpery with me , stones , and old iron , steals away the baggage . Amp. This is abhomination ! What Inn ? and what old iron ? I came at no Inne to day , nor touch old Iron , but that with sorrow enough , my poore Mares shoes , she left me at her sad decease to Brainford . I had rather ha' lost the best part of five Mark J wusse : From whence I came by water , landed here at the Temple , to leave a Letter to a kinsmans chamber , now right as sure as can be . Say Trebasco . Tre. He tells you true . Amp. But is your daughter gone ? Ver. Gone , gone . Amp. All ill go with her : Did not I say I should hear of more mischief , and that one was ever tail'd to another ? Tre. You said so indeed : but if she had been tail'd to your Mare , I should have seen her sure , when I stript her . Ver. This is the day of my affliction , This day I le crosse out of my Almanack For ever having any thing to do on 't . Amp. Why then , you will not seeke her out to day Although me-thinks the day might serve as well To find her , as to lose her , if luck serve . Ser. What else did you intend Sir by the warrant ? Best lose no time Sir. No , no , wee 'l go . Enter Brookeall . Broo. First take my execration with thee , Monster . Ver. Hell vomits all her malice this day on me . Broo. Hell sends by mee this commendation to thee , That thou hast there a most deserved Possession , That gapes to entertain thee . Amp. Who 's this , a Conjure● that knowes hell so ? Ser. No , but a certain Spirit , that my Master Conjur'd out of his Land. Amp. If you can conjure , Here 's money to be got Sir , but to tell us What may be now betid of this mans daughter ? Broo. Himself , and his Posterity must all Sink unavoydably to hell . Amp. You are most deeply read ! May not a Son-in-Law — Ver. Why talk you to that Rayler ? Amp. Pray Sir , may not A Son-in-Law escape in your opinion ? Broo. No Sir : it was by Law he made the purchase . And by his Son-in-Law , or out-law'd , down he must : If he set ventrous foot , as his Inheritor , Upon the mould , was got by his oppression . Amp. Pretty mad reason me-thinks ; where 's that Land ? Ver. Sirrah , I le tame thy tongue ▪ Broo. No , wretch , thou canst not , Nor fly out of the reach of my fell curses , That freedome ( being all that thou hast left me ) Thou canst not rob me of . Ver. I shall find meanes Then to confine it , and your self in Bed lame : Broo. Thou canst not be so just sure , to exchange Thine own inheritance for mine . Amp. Have you made A purchase there too , Father-Law that should be ? Ver. How am I tortur'd ! I will fly this place . Enter Phillis , a box in her hand . Phil. Nay prethee stay a little , good old man , Give something to my box . Ver. Out on thee Baggage . Phil. A little something , prethee ; but a tester . Ver. Out , out . Phil. Thou look'st like a good Penny-father , A little of thy money would so thrive here , 'T would grow , by that I were ready for a husband , Up to a pretty portion . Pray thee now — Ver. What canst thou be ? Phil. Insooth a Gentlewoman , but a By-blow , My Father is a Knight , but must be namelesse . Ver. Can Knights get Beggars ? Phil. Why not ? when such as thou get Knights . Nay , prethee , prethee now gi' me a tester . I ne're ask lesse : My mother 's a poore Gentlewoman , And has no meanes , but what comes through my fingers . And this is all my work : Come , wring it out . Oh how I love a hard-bound Money-master , Whose count'nance shewes how loath hee is to part with 't ! It comes so sweetly from him , when it comes : Nay , when ? I pray thee when ? Pish , make an end . Amp. It is the prettiest merry Beggar . Ver. Huswife I le ha' you whipt . Phil. I , when I beg i' th' streets . I have allowance here ▪ as well as any Brokers , Projectors , Common Bail , or Bankrupts , Pandars ; and Cheaters of all sorts , that mix here Mongst men of honor , worship , lands and money . Amp. O rare Beggar-wench ! Lawyers and others passe over the Stage as conferring by two and two . Phil. I come not hither to intrap or cozen . My work lies plain before me as my way . With , will you give me ? Praythee , hard old man. Ver. Away , away . Phil. What though thou com'st to deal For this mans Land , or sell anothers right , Or els to match thy daughter , if thou hast one To this young Gentleman — Thou wilt give mee something . Ver. The Devill haunts me . Amp. Shee makes a youth of me . Phil. Yet I prethee make not Thy money such an Idoll , as to think Thou shalt dishonor 't , or impaire this bargain , That match , or whatsoever thou hast in traffick , By parting with a silly silver sixpence . Shalt not i'fecks la , shalt not ; I le strike luck to it , Thy match shall thrive the better . Look , I have got Here , four and sixpence , Prethee make it a Crowne , T will nere be mist in thy dear daughters Dowry , If ( as I said ) thou hast one . Ver. Hellish baggage ! Phil. Hee 'l gi 't me by and by . I prethee find Thy money out the while . Come out with it man : Ver. Pull her away , I fly thee , as I would the Devill that sent thee : Amp. Yes , let 's away , t is time , she begs of mee now . Phil. The Devill is not surer to o're-take thee . — Exeunt omnes preter Brookeall . Broo. Good child I thanke thee : Thou hast somewhat eas'd My pensive heart by his vexation : She spake as Divination had inspit'd her With knowledge of my wrongs ; and his oppression , To take my part : Take thou a blessing for 't Who ere thou art , whilst I recalculate The miseries of a distressed man , Cast out of all . Unhappy chance of Law ! More false and mercilesse then Dice or Strumpets ; That hast into thy Hydra-throated mawe Gulp'd up my lives supportance ; left me nothing ; Not means for one dayes sustenance , for breath To cry thy cruelty before my death . That Law , once called sacred , and ordain'd For safety and reliefe to innocence , Should live to be accurs'd in her succession , And now be stil'd Supportresse of oppression ; Ruine of Families , past the bloody rage Of Rape or Murder : All the crying sins Negotiating for Hell in her wild practise . Enter Attorney . At. A man I hope for my purpose , and save me a going to the Church for one : Will you make an Oath Sir ? Broo. An Oath ? for what ? At. For two shillings ; and it ▪ be half a Crowne , my Client shall not stand w' ye ; the Judge is at leisure , and the other of our Bail is there already . Come , go along . Broo. I guesse you some Attorney : Do you know me ? At. No , nor any man we imploy in these cases . Broo. He takes me for a common Bail ; a Knight o' th Post , Thou art a villaine , and crop-ear'd I doubt not : What , dar'st thou say , thou seest upon me , that — At. I cry you mercy : I must up ( I see ) To the old Synagogue , there I shall be fitted — Exit . Broo. Can I appear so wretched ? or can grief So soile the face of poverty , which is vertue , To make it seem that Monster Perjury ? Rather let sorrow end me all at once , Then vertue be misconstrued in my looks , Which I will hide from such interpretation . He lies on his face . Enter Frendly . Frend. Alas hee 's sore afflicted , and my newes , I fear , will strike him dead ; yet I must speak . Sir , give not misery that advantage on you , To make your self the lesse , by shrinking under The buffe●ings of fortune . Broo. I desir'd you To seek my son . Ha' you found him at his Chamber ? Or has not want of fatherly supplies ( VVhich heaven knowes I am robb'd of ) thrust him out Of Commons , to the Common VVorld for succour ? Where is he , have you found him ? Fren. No , not him . But I have found what may be comfort to you , If you receive it like a man of courage . Broo. Hee 's dead then , farewell my tender boy ▪ Fren. Indeed , Sir , hee 's not dead . Broo. Phew — Fren. Pray , sir , heare me . Broo. You 'll tell me , man nere dies ; But changeth Life , And happily for a better . He is happiest That goes the right way soonest : Nature sent us All naked hither ; and all the Goods we had We onely took on Credit with the World. And that the best of men are but meer borrowers : Though some take longer day . Sir , J know all Your Arguments of Consolation — Fren. Indeed he is not dead ; but lives — Broo. In Heaven . J am the surer on 't ; for that he liv'd Not to learn Law enough , to — hush . No more . Fren. Substantially he lives in flesh , as we do ▪ Broo. Speak that again . Fren. A Gentleman of the next Chamber told me so . Onely , sir , this ; if you can brook his absence Without feare , or mistrust ; then he is well . Broo. How thou playest with me ! Fren. He 's gone to travell , sir . Here comes the Gentleman . Enter Valentine . Val. J am sure he does not know me . If he could , J were as sure this Charity would be rejected . So much J know his Spirit . Is your name Brookeall , sir ? Brook. My losses , wrongs , and sorrowes , speak my name . Val. You had a Son late of this house . Broo. And do not you infer by that he ▪ s dead ? Good , do not mock me , sir . Val. If this be gold , He lives and sent it to you ; forty peeces ? Broo. Pray , sir , from whence , or where might he atchieve So great a Sum ? Not in this World , J feare . A handsome possibility he had once , Could J ha' kept it for him . Val. He 's in a way , Now to a hopefull fortune . A Noble Gentleman , Late gone to travell , ta'ne with good affection Towards your Son , has ta'ne hin to his care : And like a Father , not a Master , keeps him . From whose free bounty he receiv'd this meanes . Broo. Do you think the Boy did well to send it me then : When t was intended for his Masters honour , To flye in Silks and Feathers ? T is not Servant like To wave a Masters meaning so . Val. J had a Letter too ; Though most unhappily mislay'd . Broo. VVhat from my Boy ? Val. In his own hand . Broo. Ha! — but mislay'd , you say . Ha , ha , ha , — VVhat is the Gentleman ? Or whither travell'd ? Val. That 's all J crave excuse for . Broo. Keep your money . If you can render me my Son , I le thank you . Val. You speak not like a Father : wanting meanes Your selfe for his advancement , would you bar him The bounty of anothers full ability ? Broo. J speak more like a Father , then a Beggar : Although no Beggar poorer . And I feare , J am no Father : for J would not give My Son to gain a Province , nor except This Coyne to save my life : If he 〈…〉 Let me look neerer 〈…〉 Fren. J 〈…〉 He will accept the Money . Poverty Was nere so coy else . Broo. J cannot remember , J ever saw this face : But J have seen ( Many yeares since ) one , that it so resemble● , As J could spit defiance on 't — Val. What mean you ? Broo. And charge thee with the Murther of my Son Val. Pray , sir , collect your selfe . Broo. Your name is Valentine . Val. Right , sir . Broo. Sir Humphrey Drygrounds Son : Val. Most true . Broo. Even so thy Father look'd , when , at like years He was my Rivall : For young man , I tell thee Thou hadst a virtuous , well deserving Mother . He won her without losse of my known Friend-ship : But , since her death , you cannot but have heard , He ba●ely wrong'd my Sister , and , in her , Mee , and my Family : Whor'd her , and cast her off , On the appointed Marriage day . Val. O , sir . Broo. You cannot but have heard on 't . Nay , it seems , My Boy has charg'd thee with 't , before his yeares Could warrant his ability in Combate . And so is fallen ; Or thou , not daring stand Tryall in such a cause , by treachery Hast cut him off ; And com'st to make thy peace : Presuming on my Poverty , with money . Worse then the base Attornies Project this ! Val. This is meer madnesse . In an Act so foule , As your wilde Fancy gathers this to be ; Who could escape the Law ? Broo. The Law ; Ha , ha , ha . Talk not to me of Law , Law 's not my Friend . Law is a Fatall to me , as your house . I have enough of Law ; pray stand you off . Will you , sir , furnish me , but with a Sword ; And bring me to fit ground to end this difference ? Will you do so , and like a Gentleman ? Val. VVhat shall J do for pity ? — Now J have it . Broo. Talk not to me of Law. He fenceth . Val. Pray heare me , sir . Broo. Now sir , your wil before your end . Be briefe . Val. You know me for a Gentleman , though an Enemy . ( I must speak in his phrase ) and by that honour A Gentleman should keep sacred , two houres hence I le meet you in this place — Broo. Pray stand you off — to Friendly . Val. From whence wee ▪ ll walke — Broo. Silent , as nothing were — Val. As nothing were betwixt us — to some other Fit ground , ( as you propounded ) where wee 'll end the difference . Broo. By the Sword , no otherwise . No whinnelling satisfaction . Val. You shall see , sir . Broo. Go set thy house in order . Here I le meet thee , Exit . ACT. III. Scene I. Francis — Wat. Fra. I Shall repent me , sir , that ere I yeilded , In that faire Noble way , if you expresse Your selfe in this regardlesse of my honour . Wat. J like a Whore , withall my heart , that talkes So like an honest woman . Fra. Can you expect A Chast and constant Wife of her , Whom you Have wrought to Lewdnesse before Marriage ? Or may J not as well deserve as well in bringing A Maidenhead into your Marriage-bed , As a polluted Body ? Wat. Here 's a coyle , For a poore bit afore-hand ! Is it so ? ' Heart , if a man bespeak a Tavern Feast For next day Dinner ; and give earnest for 't To half the value , ( as my Faith and Troth J think , is somewhat towards your Marriage payment To be to morrow ) Will not the Hostesse give him A Modicum o're night to stay his stomack ? Your Father comes : I le whisper yet more reason . Enter Dryground disguis'd . Alice . Dry. Now pretty Mr. Alice , you see the end I had upon you : All the scope thereof Tending to your contentment . Are you pleas'd ? Ali. So well , that could I but shake off the feare ( Which is most dangerous ) of a Fathers curse , I durst prouounce ; nay , boast my happinesse , To be above my Virgin hopes , or wishes . Dry. Let your feare vanish then : And , if this night , The happiness you are ambitious of , Together with your Fathers leave and blessing Crown not your Bed , let all the Infamy Due to all perjur'd Wretches , that have wrong'd Beauty and Chastity be branded here . Ali. The faire respect I have , sir , to your Noblesse ; For what you have already shown me , bars Mine eares ' gainst protestation . I dare trust you . Dry. As I have trusted you with my whole project , My discreet Alice , further then I dare trust My Instrument your Brother ; though he thinks He understands it all . Yonder he is , Profoundly Love-struck too , J make no doubt . Fry. Fye ! Can you be so lew'd ? Is that your reason ? Wat. Yes ; can the Parish Parson give you better ? Fra. His Parish Bull 's as civill . Wat. Well no more . I le talke with your Father about it . Fra. J with your Sister , and to better purpose . Dry. Now Wat , what think you of my course , and habit ? Wat. As J love mischiefe , and desire to live by 't ; It is the daintiest course . — O , brave sir Humphrey , How I am taken with your Shape ! Old Osbright , The Father of the Swindgers ; so much talk'd on Could nere ha' borne it up so . Nor his Daughter , That was French born indeed , could ere have clipp'd , And Frenchified our English better , then She counterfeits to Coxcombes that do Court her : With her fine Fee-fees , and her Laisse-moys ; Her Prea-awayes ; Intrat a you mak a me blusha . O , J am tickled with it . Dry. A , ha , my Lad. Wat. slid J could dote upon you . Had J been Your Son now , how I could have honour'd you ! Though I had kept a Precept by t , I care not . Dry. Notable Reprobate . Wat. The Devill sure Ought me a mischiefe , when he enabled that Old Wretch , my Father to beget me . Oh , T is in my bones ; I seele it in my Youth : I know from whence the Pocks is now descended . The Gout begets it . There 's no Usurers Son , But 's born with an hereditary spice on 't . Dry. Had J rak'd Limbo , as J did the Compter , I were not better fitted with a Copesmate . Wat. ' slight , I could ask you blessing . Dry. And I think , That curtesie you have seldome done your Father . Wat. Nere since I grew to any understanding : Nor ( as I know ) before , but whipt and held to 't . Dry. Well Wat. You see how far I have trusted you , To have the second hand in our great work ; Our Project here . Though you must seem my Servant , You are like to have the better share , if you agree . Upon the Match , and make your selfe my Son. How like you your new Mistresse , sir , my Daughter ; The Maidenhead here , the new Ordinary — The Damoyselle , or what you please to call her ? What i st a Match Wat ? Condescendeth she ? Wat. No man shall be her Husband , but my selfe ; Who ere she lies withall , before or after . That she has roundly promis'd . But she balkes , And Boggles with me in a lesse request . Dry. She shall deny thee nothing . What i st Wat ? Wat. You may command her duty , if you please . Dry. What is it man ? Wat. ' Troth , sir , but one nights knowledge Of her aforehand . One word of your mouth , I know would do it , sir . Dry. O Devilish Rascall , That can imagine this a Fathers Office ▪ Patience good Wat. Wat. But that I am afeard My Father would be pleas'd with 't , I l'd take home My Sister else , and presently . Dry. In Maides about your work . And heare you Franck Discharge the Butchers , and the Chandlers Bills . They wait below . The Baker and the Brewer , I have made even with . Fra. And the Vintner too . Dry. The Bottle-man too , and Tobacco Merchant . Do as I bid you , go . Now Wat Observe me : As an ingenious Critick would observe The first Scene of a Cemedy , for feare He lose the Plot. Wat. I do observe you , sir . Dry. I have , you know , releas'd from your thralldome . Upon condition you should steale your Sister , To be at my dispose . You have perform'd it : Wat. Honestly , sir . Dry. Yes ▪ honestly , as you say . And though it be for her own absolute good ; Yet was your Act so gratefull to me , that I promis'd you my Daughter . VVat. Right sir , on . Dry. I shall be briefe : you know my Fortune , VVat Are sunk , and you have heard , I make no doubt , ' Mongst other of my follies , of a Child I got on Brookealls sister , on the by , Wat. Wat. And this is she , I love a bastard naturally , Ah thy are bouncing spirits : Now I love her More then I did Sir. Dry. You come fairely on . But now , my poverty affords no portion . Now , Wat , to raise a portion ! Wat. J , now , now . Dry. Now I come to it , Wat : J tooke this house , And in this habit here , turn'd pimping Host , To make the most of her , and find a Husband To take her with all faults . Wat. That 's I , that 's I Sir : this has musick in 't . Dry. You will be secret Wat. Wat. No dumb Bawde like me . Dry. Nay in a plot of villany I dare trust thee . Wat. In troth you cannot thinke how much I love it ; How I am tickled with it ! Good Sir , on . Dry. This I have design'd to put her off ( I mean her Maiden-head ) at such a rate Shall purchase Land. Wat. How , good Sir Humphrey , how ? Dry. She shall be rifled for . Wat. How ! Rifled Sir ? Dry. Yes , rifled Wat ; the most at three fair throws , With three fair Dice , must win and wear her , Wat. You le take her with all faults ? Wat. Can you suspect me ? It is the rarest invention , if the Gamesters Be stiffe and strait , that ever was projected ! What is 't a man ? Dry. But twenty Pieces , boy . Wat. I vow too little , lesse their number help us . How many Gamsters have you ? Dry. A full hundred . Wat. Two thousand pound ! A merry portion , And worth as many Maiden-heads in the sport A man shall finde in spending it ? Me-thinks I feele my self even flying with 't already . Dry. What art thou thinking , Wat ? Wat. That here may grow A danger Sir , the Gamesters being so many . Dry. Why , there 's but one must use her . Wat. Phew , for that I were indifferent , if 't were all or more ( As it is possible a wench might bear it ) If they come single , and in civill sort , Allow her breathing-whiles — Dry. Here 's a ripe Rascall ! Wat. But my doubt is , that such a multitude May fly into combustion , blow up all The businesse and our hopes . Dry. Now your doubt Reflects upon my Iudgement : didst thou note How quietly those Gallants here to day Parted with their gold ? Wat. Yes , very gallantly . Dry. They shall agree as well for the Commodity , As I have cast it , VVat ; so well my boy , That no distaste shall be or ta'ne , or given , Anon you le see . VVat. She knows not on 't you say , Dry ▪ Nor shall she VVat , till at the push I charge her To be obedient in the undertaking . VVat. And that 's a sweet obedience : I could kneel Before my wretched Sire in such commands . Enter Francis. Dry. Anon I le make 't all plain to you . How now Frank ? Fran. There are two Gentlemen in the next room , That by all meanes would speake with you : I have had The foulest coyle with one of 'em , that perswades Himselfe you keep a Bawdy-house , by somewhat He gather'd Evesdropping , by your discourse here , While t'other held me talking ; who is civill , And loves me with a modest fair affection . Dry. Where is his sister , Alice ? Fran. Unseen I wrrrant you . Dry. Then let them enter . Whip into your disguise Wat — Exit Fran. And be at call . VVat. Presto , Anon , anon Sir. Ex. VVat Stands aside . Dry. Did they Eavesdrop me ? I will Eavesdrop too . — Enter Oliver , Ambrose . Ol. Did not I tell thee 't was a Bawdy-house ? Am. I cannot think so yet : there is some other Trick in it ; the Maid you see is very modest . Ol. That is the trick on it man , she must seem so . Her Father deals for her . Am. Fye ! Can there be such Fathers ? Ol. Yes , and such Mothers too : The Towne 's too full of ' em . Come , shee 's a Jugling whore I warrant thee , For all her Fee-fees , and her Laisse-moys . Pox of her counterfeit Gibbrish I le make her speak In plainer English , ere I ha' done with her . Dry. I have enough . You are welcome Gentlemen . Ol. He looks like such a Blade . Are you the Master here Sir ? Dry. I am the man that 's much rejoyc'd to see Such sparkling Spirits underneath this Roofe , Where all you finde is yours . Sirrah Varlet . Ol. Each syllable he speaks bewrays him . Dry. Varlet I say . Wat. Here Sir. Enter Wat with Wine . Dry. Give me the Complement . Gallants , Wilt please you taste your welcome in a Cup , The spirit of whose never dying Liquor , Speaks ore the brim in this high Language to you . Full six and thirty times hath Luna wan'd The strength she got in six and thirty growths From Phoebus vertuous beames , into this Juyce , To make it Nectar for Phoebean wits . T is this inspires their braines with fire Divine , By which to write high straines ; and herein lurks , The gift , One has to bounce up his own works . Ol. Your meaning is good Sack , and three years old . To put you by your Beverage and your Bombast , I will nor drinke , nor talke of other thing , But the choice thing of things , your Daughter Sir. Dry. Thou shalt not wooe my Daughter , nor no man for thy sake , Sing . Unlasse thou come untill her by her Daddy nak'd . Her Mammy's gone to Heaven Sir. And I pray , Let Fathers poor breed Daughters as they may . Ol. Your care , no doubt , is great what will it hold ? The Rifling Sir , I meane . Is your number full ? May not a man put in Sir for a chance ? Dry. What do you mean Sir ? Ol. May not we Come in adventurers ? Here are twenty peeces . Dry. I finde you have overheard me . Call my Daughter . Exit Wat. Now I le disclose a secret to you . But Gentlemen , As you love wit and mirth , censure me mildly . I am a Gentleman decayd in Fortune . Ol. And canst thou be so base to sell thy Childe To Lust and Impudence ? Dry. Be not too rash . My Child 's as deare in my respect , as you Were ever to your Father . Am. Devill thou lyest — Draw. Ol. Nay , hold , good Ambrose ; you een now were angry With me , that did oppose your faire Construction Of this good Gentleman and his vertuous Daughter . Am. My ignorance wrong'd us both . Ol. Good modest Ambrose , What do you thinke of this discovery ? Dry. You had discover'd more , if his impatience Had not prevented me : But now I am dumb to you In all , but this . If you le be pleas'd to sup here , I shall afford you welcome . I have businesse . Exit . Ol. What can we make of this ? Am. I know what to do . If City Justice , grave Authority Protect it not , I le surely spoyle the sport . Ol Canst thou be so malicious , that , but now Didst love this Wench so dearly , as to run her Into the hazard of Correction ? Stay : Here she comes , and the Pimp whiskin with her . Enter Wat. Fran. Do thou take him in hand . I le handle her . Now Madam , twenty pound a man ! Nay do not Coy it too much ? Your provident Father left us , To make our selves more known to you ; as your price Is known to us already : Look upon us . Fra. Pre ye Sir , have you been ever in France ? Ol. In France ? No surely , nor in Doctors hands Since I was Plac●et high . Why ask you Lady ? Fra. For , if you could speak Fransh , I could the better Find what you say . I can no understand What t is you mean by price . What is that Price , If it be no Welch Gentleman ? Ol. I meane The price of three throws for your Maydenhead , T is twenty peeces . If I win it ( Hearke you ) What will you give me out of your grosse sum To take it neatly off ; and like an Operator , Put you to no paine ? Fra. Parle Françoy Monsieur , Je vou prie . Ol. Thou art a handsome Hyppocrite : And this Cunning becomes thee well . I le kisse thee for 't . Fra. Fee fee Monsieur . O fee ! t is no good fashion , For the young Man and Mayd to no ting but kisse ! Ol. T is not so good indeed ; nothing but kisse . A little of tone with tother will doe well . Fra. Fee fee , you no understand . That Gentleman , Speaks he no Fransh ? Ol. Yes yes . He speaks no French. Fra. He Monsieur vou mocque de Moy. Ol. Owie par ma foy . Fra. Ha Monsieur vou parle françoy . Je su● ' bien aisie . Ol. Easie ! Yes yes , I thinke you would be easie To one that knew but how to manage you , For all the boast of your Virginity . Fra. Excuse me Sir , I can no understand . Ol. Me thinks you should . Come prithee leave this fooling , I know you can good English , if you list . Fra. Indeed I can . But , in my best , and all I cannot understand you Sir , nor frame An answer to your rudenesse . When you know me Better , you le speak in better phrase , and then T is like you may finde better language from me : Till when , pray give me leave to leave you Sir. Ol. Nay heark you Lady , heark you ( still more mysticall ! ) Nay since you can speak English , I must talke w' ye . Fra. So you le be civill . Ol. Civill I swear , and private . They go aside . Am. Does shee not know on 't , sayst thou ? Wat. No Sir , no : Not the least inckling of it : The old man Carryes it so discreetly . Am. Blesse me Heaven ? Discreetly sayst thou . To betray his Childe , To sale of her Virginity . Wat. Yes , discreetly . She dreames of no such businesse ; such intent : No more then the Cud-chewing Heifer knowes The Butcher , that must knock her down i faith . O , t will be bravely carried ! I my selfe Knew nothing till this houre : though I saw Money put in his hand by divers Gallants : Men of great place and worship ; which I gather Are to be of the Riflers . Amb. Prithee who ? Wat. All must be namelesse . There are Lords among ' em . And some of civill Coat , that love to draw New stakes at the old Game , as well as they ; Truckle-breech'd Justices , and bustling Lawyers , That thrust in with their Motions ; Muffled Citizens ; Old Money-Masters some , that seek the Purchace : And Merchant Venturers that bid for the Forreine Commodity , as faire , as any . Amb. Was ever such an outrage ! Heark thee fellow — They aside . Fra. Sir , I have heard you with that patience ( And with no better ) as the troubled Pilot Endures a Tempest , or contrary winds : Who , finding nerethelesse his Tackling sure , His Vessell tight , and Sea-room round about him , Playes with the waves , and vies his confidence Above the blasts of Fortune , till he winns His way , through all her threatnings , to his Port. You may apply this . Ol. And you may be plainer . Is there not such a project for your Mayden head ? Fra. It deserves no answer . But to be rid of you , together with The Devill , that inflam'd you to that question ; Know , that knew I of such a plot or project ; Or , that I had a Father ( as injuriously You have suggested ) could be so inhumane , To prostitute my spotlesse Virgine honour To Lust for Salary , I would as sure prevent it , As there is force in poyson , Cord , or Steel , At price of both our lives . Sir , I have say — Exit . Ol. This Wench amazes me . Could I beleeve now There could be truth in Woman , I could love her . Amb. Well , I le make one : Meet me there two houres hence , And fetch my twenty Peices . Wat. I will not faile you . In the Temple Walkes — Exit . Amb. Where , if I fit you not — Ol. Nam ! What discovery ? Amb. A villany enough to blow the house up . Ol. And I have found ( I thinke ) a vertue , that Might save a City : But let 's hence . We may Conferr our notes together by the way . Exeunt . ACT. III. Scene II. Bumpsey , Magdalen , Jane , all in brave Cloaths . Bum. NAy , nay , I know he is flown out , and I Am prettily provided for like flight : And if I do not pitch as high , and souse As deep , as he , while there is Game to fly at — Five hundred Peices he took out you say ? Ja. And sayd he would venter 't at the Ordinary . Bum. That 's hee , that 's he ! Why this is excellent . Mag. This was your folly Bump. He was content To have walk'd moneylesse you saw , but you Would force him . At a word you did la ' Bump. Bum. I force him , ha ? Mag. I , at a word , you put it in his head , And put the Sword into the Madmans hand , As one would say . Bum. Good Mrs. At-a-word . Let not your fine French Frippery , which I bought , Turn'd o th' Taylors hands ( as one would say ) Huffle you up to Soveraignty : Nor your Coach , Which I have but bespoak , whirle you away , Before t is finish'd ) from obedience , Mag. Good lack fine Gentleman , that weares the Purchase Of a Pawn'd forfeiture . Must I not speak trow ? Bum. Excellent Magdalen ! Mag. Sir , J will speak ; and be allow'd to speak . Bum. And speak allow'd too ; will you Magdalen ? Mag. J , at a word ; Since you have put me to 't , J will uphold the Fashion ; Learn , and practise Behaviour and carriage above my'parrell . J at a word , J will la , that J will. Bum. This is most excellent ! My old Beast is Infected with the Fashions ; Fashion-sick ! Pray Ma-dame take your course , uphold your Fashion : And learn and practise Carriage to your Cloaths : I will maintain my humour , though all split by 't . Enter Servant . Ser. Mr. Vermine desires to speak with you . Bum. I faith I will Ma-dame . — Exit with Servant . Ja. My Husband , Mother , Reports of a rare Creature come to Towne , Of a French breed ; a Damoysell , that professeth The teaching of Court-carriage and behaviour : The rar'st he saies — Mag. Can she teach the elder sort ? Ja. All ages from six yeares to sixty six . Unlesse they be indocible he saies . Mag. Indocible ! What 's that ? Ja. Stiff i' the hammes , I think . Mag. Nay , then wee 'll to her . I can yet bowe my Haunches ; come and go With them , as nimbly as the barren Doe . My Gimboles don't complain for want of Oyle yet . Wee 'll have this Madame ; and we will be Madames Ourselves , or it shall cost us each a Crown A month the teaching . In a Month we may , Practising but one houre in a day , Be Madames , may we not ? Ja. Yes , if we give our mindes to 't ; and but steale Fit times to practise . Mag. Wee 'll find Lecture times : Or bau●k St. Antlius for 't the while . But mum . Enter Bumpsey , Vermine . Bum. Do you wonder at my bravery ? Look you here : This is my Wife ; and this my Daughter , sir . You have lost yours , you say : Perhaps for want Of Hu●ty-●usties , and of Gorgets gay . Ha! i st not so ? Ver . The World 's turn'd prodigall . You do not well to mock me , when I come For comfort and advise . Bum. Shall I be plain w' ye ; My best advise is , since your Daughters gone , To turn your Son after her . He lies not in For much above a hundred pound . Pay it , And let him take his course : If he be not Got loose already . Then ( observe my Counsell ) Spend you the rest of your Estate your selfe ; And save your Heires the sin . It is the course I have in hand , and mean to follow it . You like it not ( it seems ) but thus it is , VVhen men advise for nothing . Had your Lawyer Now for his fee , given Counsell , might have damn'd you : You would have thought it worth your Gold , and follow'd it . VVill you go with me to an Ordinary ? Venter five hundred or a thousand Peeces , To begin a new VVorld with . Ver. Mrs. Bumpsey , I take it you are she . Mag. An old Ape has an old eye . He knowes me through all my cuts and slashes . Ver . How long I pray , has my good friend your Husband Been thus distracted ? Mag. But when I am perfect In the quaint Courtly carriages , that belong Unto this habit : in which , I confesse , I am yet but raw ; how will you know me then ? Ver . She is as mad as he . Bum. How Lady-like she talkes ! Mag. Or , now my black Bag 's on , I hold a penny You do not know me . Bogh-who am I now ? Ver . Most unrecoverably mad ! young Gentlewoman : Nay , I intreat your favour for an answer ? As you can pity a wrong'd mans distresse . Give me what light you can of my lost Daughter . You have been inward alwaies , and partook The nearest of her Counsels . Tell me fairely I do beseech you in this gentle way . Though I professe I have a strong presumption Against your Husband , and his young Associates I met to day ; and bore their mocks and taunts : On which I have good ground for a strickt course To force 'em to examination . Yet I intreat you see . Ja. The VVorld is turn'd Quite upside downe : Else I should wonder How you could make requests , that have got all You have ( too much ) by Rapine and Oppression . Ver . Do you upbraid me ? Bum. What 's the matter Jane ? Ja. The Fox here learns to sing . Mag. I le fox him out o th' hole if he sing here . Will no Prey serve you but new married wives , Fox ? Ver. Why do you abuse me thus ? Ja. I heard you , sir , with too much patience , Abuse my Husband with your foule Suspition . Who is as cleer , I know , from wronging you , As your own Son. Ver. Your mocks are monstrous . Were not he fast enough , I would resolve No other friend had robb'd me . Mag. Is your son a friend ? At a word , hee 's like you . Enter Sir Amphilus , Servant . Amp. J pray , if my man aske for mee , send him to me , by your Masters leave . By your leave Sir , I made bold to follow a Father-in-Law of mine that should have been , into your house here , with much ado to find it . Any good newes Sir yet ? Ha' you heard of her ? J cry these Ladies mercy ; though you may take me for a Clowne , J must not forget I am a Knight , and give you the curtesie of my lips — Bum. In the name of Peasantry , what Knight art thou , If not the Knight of the Plough-share ? Mag. A fine spoken , and a well-bred man , at a word : He call'd us Ladies . To see what Apparell can do ! How long might I have trudg'd about in my old coats before J had been a Lady ? And then hee would do us the curtesie to kisse us : Sure , sure , as curtesie makes a Knight , so cloaths makes a Lady . Amp. It seems she 's lost then . All ill go with her . Bum. What old youth can this be ? Amp. Your warrant , perhaps , may find her though . And J tell you what . J ha' sent my man to lay the Ducking Ponds for her . Bum. Do you think she would drown her selfe ? Amp. Who knowes what toy might take her ? Is she not a woman , as other flesh and blood is ? I had another occasion to one that belongs to the Ponds . I tell you as a Friend , I had not ●ent els : Come Father-in-Law that should have been ; hang sorrow . You have had but one Losse to day . I have had two . I le gi 't you in Rhime . My Mare and my Mistresse I lost on a day , T'one of 'em dyed , and t'other ran away . Ja. You are acquainted among the Poets it seems , sir ? Amp. Truly but one that 's a Gamster amongst us at the ducking Pond ; a Cobler , but the neatest Fellow at Poetry , that ever was handicrafts-man ; & no Scholler , to enable him by learning , to borrow of the Ancients : Yet he is a Translator too . And he makes the sweetest Posies for Privie-houses . Ja. Ha , ha , ha . Bum. What a youth 's this for a Knight ! Enter Trebasco . Amp. I le tell yee Ladies — O Trebasco . Good newes at last I hope . Tre. J can never finde you any where , but jeer'd and laugh'd at , and are fool'd , ( as I have often told you ) to your Worships face , and your Worship perceives it not . Amp. To the point , man. How does my Whelp ? He is grown a tall Dog by this J hope : resolve me quickly . Tre ▪ Why , to put you out of your pain ; your Whelp 's grown a tall Dog. Amp. Good Ja. You said you would tell us , sir : What will you tell us ? Tre. And a handsome Dog. Amp. Good again . Ja. What a Dog-trick 's is this ? Tre. And h 'as learnt , besides the main Game , all the rare tricks and qualities his Tutor could teach . Amp. Excellent . Ja. Will you not tell us , sir , about your Poet ? Amp. Hang him , my Dogs worth 'em all , in ready money . Mag. I pray , sir . Amp. I will not give his eares for the swolnst headfull of wit among ' em . Are not his Eares finely curl'd Trebasco ? Like his Dam Flapses . Tres Yes , and his Coat all over , sir , they told me . Amp. Told thee ! Didst thou not see him ? My heart misgives me . Tre. See him ? No indeed , sir ; but J pray beare it as well as you may : And set not your heart too much upon transportable things . Amp. Ha! Tre. The Dog is gone , sir . Amp. How ! Tre. Stolne from Schoole , sir ; and sold to a great Monsieur , And Shipt away foure daies ago . Amp. O my heart will break : J. a Do not faint Knight ; Cheare up your heart with your Muse . Amp. My veine is yet too dul ; But I will offer at it . Three Losses I have had ; gone , past all help My Mare , my Mistresse , And ( which grieves me most of all ) my whelp . Ia. That line is long enough to reach him . Amp. I would it were else . — o — Bum. Od's pity . Look you , sir , your Son-in-Law , that should ha' been , is in much passion too . But you 'll be rul'd by me , you say . And if J lead you not to comfort , never trust Neighbours counsell while you live . Is not this plain enough ? My own case at this time is as dangerous as yours . Ver. That 's all that comforts me . Bum. Neighbourly said . I thank you . Come , Sir , will you joyn with your Father-in-Law that should ha' been , and me in a Cup of VVine to order a designe . Tre. There 's a reckoning towards . Bum. It shall cost you nothing . Am. To the next Tavern then . Ladies adieu . To part with such as you to some are crosses . Yet I le not put you down among my Losses . Exeunt . Mag. Daughter while they are gone , let us fall on our project . Ja : For Courtly carriage and behaviour . Mag. J long to see this French young schoolmistress . The Damasin do you call her ? Ja. The Damoiselle , I le wait on you . — Exit . ACT. IIII. Scene I. A Rabble of rude Fellowes pulling in Wat after them , Valentine , Oliver , Ambrose , Phillis . Wat. YOU Rogues , Slaves , Villaines , will you murther me ? Rab. To the Pump with him : To the Pump , to the Pump . Val. Prithee beat off the Curs . Rab. No , to the Thames , the Thames . Phil. Why do you use the man so ? Is he not a Christian Or is he not Christen'd enough think you , that you would dip him ? Ol. Pray Gentlemen forbeare : It is thought fit , Upon request made by a Noble Friend , Favouring his Person , not his quality ; That for this time the Pandar be dismis'd . So all depart in peace . Enter Rabble . Rab. Away , away , le ts go then . 1. A Noble Friend ! Pox of his Noble Friendship . He has spoyl'd our sport . O! how we would a sous'd him ? Ol. Now , Mr. Hackney-man , if you have so much grace ▪ Render due thanks . Wat. J thank you Gentlemen . Phil. I thank you for him too . Ol. On both your Knees ; unless you hold it better To kneele yet to the Pump : which you had done , My most officious Pimp , had not his pity Prevayl'd against our Justice . Val. So , arise ; enough , enough . Amb. Troth t is a shame he should get off so easily ; Let him be yet but duck'd , or shew'd the way Over the Garden Wall into the Thames . Val. Good Ambrose , be not so severe ; who knowes What need we may of him ? We are all Flesh and blood Ambrose . Phil. Thou art a Wag I warrant thee . Amb. Are not you married ? Val. Mass , t was so late , I had almost forgotten it . Amb. No , t is so late you ha' not yet forgot Some Office he has done you in his way . Ol. Didst ever pimp for him ? Protest by what thou fea●'st most . VVat. No , as I hope to escape this Gentlemans fury . Amb. Go , get the hence , insufferable Villaine . I could een kick thee into twenty peeces , He kicks Wat. And send thee to thy Master , for my stake Soon , at his Rifling . Think whilst thou liv'st what t is to be a Pandar . — A Pandar , — Pandar — there 's for your remembrance . He kicks him . Val. Enough . Amb. This touch , & I have done — ▪ Val. Away Phil. Pray let him go , I le schoole him for it . Exeunt Wat Phillis . Val. This may work good upon the Rascall , if he Have but humanity , although no grace . Ol. We have discovered the great Rifling Val. We know the Jewell now ; the rich Comodity . Val. And think you have done wondrous wisely ; do you not ? To sneak before me thither . I know all You have discover'd ; and how far you are Mistaken in the old man and his Daughter . All shall be plaine to you soon . Walk off a little . Ol. We 'll leave you till anon we meet at the Ordinary . Exit . Ol. Amb. Enter Vermine — Amphilus Bumpsey . Amp. I protest , Gentlemen , I have not drown'd sorrow With so much merry ▪ go-down , these three halfe years . Bump. As with your part of three halfe pintes of Sack. We had no more amongst us . Amp. How much was that a peece think you ? Ver. It was enough to shew his Prodigality . In over-wastfull Cost . You were not wont To be a Boordsend-King ; a pay-all in a Tavern . Bum. But now I love to do these things . Amp. Now if you could be drawn to the ducking-Pond , To joyn your Groat sometimes with me ; or two-pence ▪ There were a Recreation indeed : That Peerlesse Princely sport , that undoes no man : Though cheating there ; and rooking be as free As there is square play at the Ordinaries . Bum. Well the point is : My swaggering Son-in-Law , Appointed to be here among the Trees . My Daughter told me so . Walk here-about . If he can give light of your light , hee 'd chide . Well try what may be done . I le but step up Into Ram-Alley-Sanctuary , to Debtor , That praies and watches there for a Protection ; And presently return to you : — Exit . Amp. Let it be so ; slid the old angry man ! Enter Brookeall . He 'll cross us if he see us walke this way . Exit Amp. Vermine . Broo. These walks afford to miserable man , Undone by Suits , leave , yet , to sit , or go , Though in a ragged one ; and look upon The Giants , that over-threw him : Though they strut Lawyers and others pass over the Stage . And are swolne bigger by his emptiness . T was here , that we appointed , further meeting . The two houres respited are almost run : And he engag'd his honour in such tearmes , As I presume he 'll come . Honour ! From whence Can he derive that Princely attribute , VVhose Father has descended to a Villany ? His house was Noble though : and this young man Had a right virtuous Mother , whom I lov'd , Intirely lov'd : and was in Competition For marriage with her ; when high Providence Allotted her to him ; who since her Death , Defam'd my Sister , and disgrac'd our house . My quarrell is not good against his Son For that : But for my Boy ! His doubtfull talk Of him distracts me . Enter Vermine , and Amphilus . See the Vermine , That hath devoured me living , His Aspect Addes to my Passion such a bitterness , That turnes me all to gal● . I must avoid him , Exit . Amb. Introth Father-in-Law that should ha' been , or that May be yet ( come , who knowes what luck we may have ▪ Though the dancing Planets have cut cross Capers over Out heads . ) I like this old fellows humour of chearing up The heart well ! And would I were lost too , after my Mare , My Dog and your Daughter : If this warm Sack has not Kindled a desire in me to play the good fellow , so it might Be of free cost , to drown these dry remembrances . Enter Valentine . See , one of the jeerers . Is this he , that stole the marriage ? Ver. Yes , and perhaps my Daughter too . His Father 's gone Now , and I know not how to question him . Amp. Let me alone to question him . Did you see this Gentleman's Daughter , sir , my Wife , that should have been ? Val. Since when , sir . Amp. Since she was stolne away , sir . It were good You would let us have her again ; and quickly too , Ere she be worse for wearing , as we say . Val. Old Brookall is not come yet . Amp. VVill you answer me ? Val. You are a busy foole . Amp. I am satisfied . He knowes nothing . Val. You lye , Sir. Amp. I think I do . You know nothing of her I mean , Sir. Val. You lye again , Sir. Amp. I think I do again , Sir. Pray be not so terrible ; Examine him your selfe , if it please you . Enter Brookall : Broo. VVere his eyes Basiliskes ; or did he beare Upon his hellish Countenance the faces Of all the Furies ( that no doubt attend him ) I le shun no place for him . Are they acquainted ? O most prodigious ! Ver. VVhat do you know , Sir , of my Daughter , I beseech you ? Val. That she has a wretch , a miserable Caitiff Unto her Father . Broo. How is that ? — aside . Val . A villain that has scrap'd up by oppression Law-strife and Perjury , a Dowry for her , So mixt with curses , that it would consume An Earles Estate to match with it and her . And leave him curs'd in his Posterity . Amp. How blest was J to miss her ! Broo. Can he speak thus to him ? aside . Ver . Dar'st thou confront me thus ? Val . Dar'st thou yet keep a Groat of thine extorted Wealth , And seest what Judgments fall one thee already ? Can all thy Gold redeem thy good opinion , To thine owne Son ? And though thou wouldst no give ( In case he wanted it ) to save his life , A Hangmans Fee , much lesse a Judges thanks , Or price of a Lords Letter to reprieve him ; Yet may this Son survive thee ; and hourely he Unto thy last houre , thine Affliction be . Amp. O happy condition of a Batchelor ! Broo. I like this well in the young man ▪ — aside . Ver. How can you say you know this ? Val. Prethee how can 't be otherwise ? Hadst thou a vertuous Childe ( as here and there , Some Mothers win a soule ) it would be taken Dead or alive from thee ▪ unto thy greife too , To scape the curse might come with a Childs part Of thine ill-got estate : that 's thy Daughters case . Ver. Oh — Brro. Brave young fellow ! Val. But shew me where an evill Off-spring has not Surviv'd to spurn the dust of such a Father ; And lewdly wast in one or two descents ( Unto their own destruction ) what was purchased At price of soules departed ? Ver. Will you vouchsafe to leave me ? Amp. Pretty odd Doctrine , this ! Val. I have not done w' yee yet . What corrupt Lawyer , or usurious Citizen , Oppressing Landlord , or unrighteous Judge , But leaves the World with horror ? and their wealth , ( By rapine forc'd from the oppressed Poor ) To Heires , that ( having turnd their Sires to th' Devil ) Turne Idiots , Lunaticks , Prodigals , or Strumpets ? All wanting either wit , or will , to save Their fatall Portions from the Gulfe of Law. Pride , Ryot , Surfets , Dice , and Luxury , Till Beggary , or diseases turnes them after ? Ver. Ha' you done yet ? Val. A word or two for use ; and so an end . Broo. Not so : It must be amplified a little further . Ver. Torment and death ! Is he come ? Let me go ▪ Amp. Nay pray Sir heare them ; though you profit not ; I may perhaps . Methinks it edifies . Broo. You sayd , and you sayd well ; His tainted wealth , Got by corruption , kept by niggardise , Must flye as ill , through Luxury and Riot : I add , that they who get it so , shall leave it , To run at the like waste , through their succession Even to the Worlds end : t is not one age , Though spent in prayers , can expiate the wrong Such an estate was gotten by , though the estate Be , to a doyt , spent with it : But it shall Fly like a fatall scourge , through hand to hand ; Through Age to Age , frighted by Orphans crys , And Widows tears , the groanes and Lamentations , Of oppressed Prisoners , mingled with the curses Of hunger-bitten Labourers , whose very sweat Thou robst them of : this charming noise is up Of many sad , some mad afflicted wretches , Whose marrow thou hast suck'd ; and from whose bowels , The nourishment was crushd that fed thee , and That ravenous Wolfe , thy conscience . Ver. I shall trounce you : Enter Bumpsey . Bum. What 's here ? Worrying of Vermine ? Broo. This noyse , I say , of hideous cryes and curses ▪ That follows thine estate , will not be layd In thy deare life time ; nor in theirs , the strangers , That must be curs'd with the division Of it , when thou art gone : But , still , it shall Pursue , to all succeeding times , all those , That entertaine least parcels of thy money , When they shall finde at best , it can but buy Disgrace , diseases , overthrows at Law , And such deare punishments ; untill , at last , All hands , affrighted with the touch of it , Shall let it fall to earth ; where it shall sinke And run into a veyne of Ore , shall reach — To Hell. And they , that shall , hereafter , dig it , Hundreds of Ages hence , must all compound With the grand Lord o' th Soyle , the Devill , for 't . Amp. So they make hot Purchases ! Broo. Now Sir , you may instruct the Usurer , to make use Of all he has heard , while I avoyd his sight ; Heaven knows I am sick on 't : you forget me Sir. Val. Feare not : I will not fayle you . Bum. No : I le deliver him the use of all . Ver. Oh the variety of my vexation — Bum. And all is this ( as I advis'd before . ) Spend all your selfe , and save your Heires the sin ; The shame , the sorrows , and the punishments , That are joynt-heritable with your wealth : As very learnedly hath been related . And there 's the point , and the whole substance on 't . Ver. Bestow your Substance so Sir , if you like it . Bump. Sir , my condition runs another way . To the same end perhaps ; following my Leader , here . Amp. Your Son in Law ? Trust me , a most fine man : And , if his life be answerable to his Doctrine , T is like hee le lead you to a faire end of all . Doubtlesse he is a fine young Man indeed . A proper teacher and an edifying . Bump. Come Sir , lead on , I heare you are provided Five hundred thick for this free nights adventure . Val. I am Sir , here it is . Bump. I am so too Sir. And here it is : And here it is , and here and there , and here it is . Amp. O brave old man. Bump. I le make one w' ye at your new Ordinary , They say t is excellent . Val. For rarity and plenty , There 's no such Pension in all this City . Amp. And all for nothing ? Val. For lesse then kisse your Hostesse . Amp. And is there delicate Wine too ? I must thither . Val. The flowre of France , and quintessence of Spaine Flow like a Spring-tyde through the House . Amp. O rare ! And all for nothing ? Bump. Hang nothing . Be it as t will , I am for any thing ; and as well provided , As you , or any the best Gamester there . Ver. Sir. Bum. I love to do these things . But first , pray tel me Can you tell tale or tydings of his Daughter here ? Val. Not of his Daughter : But I heard his Son Was freed , this day , from Prison . Ver. How , how , how ? Enter Brookall , Phillis : Bro● . Yonder he is , still ▪ busie . Phil. I le among ' em . Walke you back a little , And , get I any money , I le lend thee some . Val. I le tell you how . Some freind has paid his debt , The Action is dischargd ; and he 's releas ▪ d. Ver. You practise my abuse . T is not in man , To do me such a mischeife . Amp. Away Girle . Phil. Thou art as hard , as this dry crust , here , was , But he is better minded now , I hope : Now , old man I am sure thou art for me , Thou cursedst me before , but now thou wilt Blesse me , I hope , and not without a Crosse Of a faire Silver Sixpence . Ver. Hence you Harlot . Phil. Nay look you , if I could afford it , thinke you I 'de make two words w' ye : t is but a sixpenny matter Between us ; why will you be so hard : t is but So little lesse left among all thy Children ; And I le bate it them in their prayers for thee , Though I be at the trouble , my selfe , to do it . Val. Troth , she begs prettily . I must give her something . Here Wench . Bum. What is it , J will see it . Phil. T is a good Shilling , and a vie ; will you see 't Sir ? Bam. Look you , t is cover'd . Phil Gentlemen , will you come in ? will you vie it ? Amp. No we deny it . Phil. You may revye it then , if you please . They come not in to binde it . Val. Will you come in againe Sir ? Bum. Sir , after you , and 't be to my last sixpence . I will keep Covenant w' ye . Val. A shilling more on that . Bum. Done Sir : there t is . Phil. Why , these are Lads of bounty ! Have you any minde yet Gentlemen ? Ver. What , to be Bankrupts ? Phil. Troth , thou wouldst feare as much , shouldst thou but break Thy Porredge Pipkin . Val. Prithee what 's thy name ? Phil. Nell , my Mother calls me . J nere knew Sire , nor Godsire . Val. Nell ? Phil. Yes : And t is as bonny a Beggars name , as ever came from beyond Trent . Val. This Girle , methinks , howere necessitated Into this course , declares she has a spirit Of no grosse ayre : And J dare think her Blood , Although , perhaps , of some unlawfull mixture , Deriv'd from Noble veines . One may perceive Much in her Language , in her Looks , and Gesture , That pleads , methinks , a duty above pitty , To take her from this way , wherein she wanders So farr from the intent of her Creation . Bump. Your meaning is , you would buy her out of her Calling . Is it not so ? Val. Ten Peices J would give Towards a new one for her . Bump. Here 's ten more To bind you quite from begging . Can you afford it ? If yes , accept it . And let 's see your back . Phil. J make no Curtsies , nor send thanks that way . No , I le be forwards in them . May my thanks and prayers Multiply years and blessings on your heads . And when J beg againe , may Beadles take Advantage on my back , and lash the skin off , So Heaven be ever with you — Val. Stay. Who would not have given this Money ? Gentlemen , Dost not move you to give a packing penny ? Phil. Nor move you them for me . J should , now , feare One of their ill-got pence , here mingled , would Corrupt and overthrow my righteous Fortune . Exit Phil. Amp. O villanous Vixen . Ver. Each minute of this day augments my torment , Yet I have coold it with some patience ; Attending Sir your answer . Val. For your son . Ver. J have no Son. J aske you for my Daughter . Val. Be this your pennance for your misbeleife , Hye you to the Compter : if you finde not there Your son ; meet me an hour hence at my Fathers , I le tell you news of him ; and he perhaps May tell you of his Sister . This deserves A fee. Your absence pays it me . Go quickly , We have some businesse : And your stay will but Make the Scene tedious . Ver. Wee l go . Wil 't please you ? Amp. Yes : we will off in Rhime . There is no doubt , Jf Wat be not i' th Compter , he is out . Exit Ver. Amp. Bump. Now , what 's the next vagary ? Val. Onely this Sir , You have playd at small Game with me . Now there is A greater tryall of my Love and Bounty , Instantly to be made . A Gentleman , ( J stay too long ) an intimate Freind 's arrested , But for two hundred pound on execution : Will you joyne Charity to fetch him off ? Bump. J would 't had been thine owne case two dayes since . One of your fine Companions , some poor Shark ? Ha , i st not so ? Val . Will you be pleasd to see him ? Bump. J am halfe sick of this Condition ▪ J do begin , not altogether , now , To love these things so well methinks . Humh ha ! Val . Nay , if you go not chearfully — Bump. Yes : J go . Exeunt amb● . ACT. IV. Scene II. Brookall , Phillis . Broo. GOod Childe , thy tale is pittifull ; yet it sorts So with the fell condition of my Fortune , That J crave more of it . Phil. J came not to Discourse of sorrow , but to bring you comfort : VVill you yet have a Crowne ? Broo. J prithee keep Thy Money Child ; and forwards with thy story . Thou saydst thy Mother was a Gentlewoman . Phil. I le give you reason . Since J can remember , Shee never did a wrong , though suffered much ; Nor the least unjust thing ▪ No , though her poverty And care of me have pinch'd her very bowels , Shee knew not how to seek anothers good , So much as by request . Shee never durst borrow , For feare to come so neer the danger of A promise-breach : And , for base ends , to lye Shee holds it sacriledge . I faith she jerk'd That humour out of me ; for J was given ( I tell you as a Freind ) a little to 't . It came sure by the Father ▪ God forgive him . Broo. Thou saydst , thou thoughtst , thy Father was a Knight . How thinkst thou he could lye then , to abuse A Virgine of that goodnesse , as it seemes Shee , that by him became thy Mother , was . Phil. The Devill , sure , was powerfull with him , then . Nor do you hear me say , all Gentlefolkes Are of one minde . Alasse they could not live One by another then . Broo. Peace , stay a little : How came thy Mother to decline her spirit So low , as thus to suffer thee to beg ▪ Phil. Vertue goes often wet-shod , and is faine To coble it selfe up to hold out water And cold necessity : But sure , the quality Came to me by the Fathers side too : For T is a more commendable , and Courtly practise To beg , then steale . He was perhaps , a Courtier . J rather would be rob'd of all J have , Then steale one farthing . Broo. Thou say'st thy Mother never would reveale To thee , or any one , her Birth , or Fortune . Answer me , prethee , how dost thou collect Th' hadst such a Father ? Or that he has thus Wrong ▪ d thy poore Mother , by not marrying her ? Phil. Now you come to me indeed old man : How now , What do you weep ? Broo. The sharpness of the Aire Strikes on mine eyes a little . Prethee say . Phil. J first , as fain would know the hidden cause That works this aptness in me , to discover My Mother and my selfe to you , J know not How to look off o' you . I ●aith you weep . I have heard some talke of naturall instinct , But know not what it is . Pray can you tell me ? Or any like reason , why J should Thus doat , and hang about you ? Or tell me this , Have you not been of better Fortune ? Are not you Some decayed Knight ? Be not asham'd , but tell me . They cannot all be rich , there are so many . Broo. Oh my heart ! Phil. Yea , are your Conscience struck ? Have at you for a father then : And yet Me-thinks you are more old in goodness , then To be , so late , so wicked , as to wrong A woman of her sweetness . Yet I le try you . Here is a long-kept Paper . This is all That ere I gathered of my Mothers wrong , And of my Fathers cruelty , and condition . It seemes this was his hand , and ruthfull farewell , He turn'd her off withall . See , if you know it . More then a thousand times I have observ'd her Weep o're that Paper ; ever carefull , though , Her teares might not deface it . If by chance , As when those teares prevented had her sight , Some soft ones did on that hard Sentence light , Her Lips took off the Trespass of her Eye ; And her hot Sighes restor'd the Paper dry . Broo. This comes so neer a Miracle ; that my faith feare is staggering . How got'st , thou this paper ? Phil. I stole it from my Mother , ( and in Troth 〈…〉 s all that ere I stole ) because she should not Weep out her eyes upon 't . I do not love , 〈…〉 hough I am a beggar , to lead blind folks . 〈…〉 o you not find there , that he is a Knight , 〈…〉 ough he subscribes no name ? He tells her there , 〈…〉 d tauntingly , he knowess she is more sorry 〈…〉 the lost Ladyship he promis'd her ▪ Then for her Maiden-head . Let me heare you read it . Broo. Mine eyes , are now , too full indeed ; I cannot . Phil. Are you the man then , whom I must ask blessing ? If you bee , speak . I le have you to my Mother , Though , I dare sweare , she had rather dye , then you , Or any of your Race , or hers , should see her , Whilst she has breath . Yet I will undertake To prattle you both good friends . And you shall have my Mammy , And she shall have her Nell ( that 's J. ) The man shall have his Mare againe , And all shall be well . How do you ? Broo. Prethee forbeare me good wench but a little ▪ Enter Valentine . Val. I have kept my time you see ; and shall not fail● In any Circumstance . Here are two Swords , Pray take your choice . I have bespoke a Boat Shall land us o're the water , where you please ; Though , I Protest , I yet would beg your Love , Next to my Naturall Fathers . Broo. This I fear ▪ d. And charg'd the plain way . But 't shall not serve . Val. You took my part of late , against old Vermin● Broo. Prethee who would not ? This is another case Val. Why , if there be no remedy , pray accept Your forty pounds . The money , Sir , may stead you For your escape , when you have ta'ne my Life . Broo. Your money ' wou'ld hang me , Sir. Your life not worth it . Val . T is your own money ; sent you by your So● Broo. How know I that ? Or that I have a Son By thee unmurther'd . Val. I told you of a Letter I had mislaid : Look you . Do you know his hand ? Broo. If it be not , Much chang'd , and lately , here is that wil match . Val. Was ever given Gold so weigh'd , and try'd ? What Lawyer , Nay , what Judge would be so scrupulous ? No want corrupts good Conscience : Nor excess Allaies in bad , the thirst of Cov'tousness . Phil. What do you think , Sir ? Val. I think you beg again , and would be whipt . Phil. I fecks , I do not beg ; but came to offer This griev'd old man some of my infinite fortune Found in your lucky money : Lucky indeed ; For I have found a Father by 't . I vow I think my Father . I' st not a fine old man ? I shall know more anon . Val. Her money , sure , Has made her Mad : How do you finde it , Sir ? Broo. My wonder now , is , how thou canst be Son Of such a Father ! Thou art honest sure . Here is your Sword , I will accept the money . Val . Then I shall live , and so may want the money . Will you forbeare it for a day or two ? Broo. Your Sword again . Now , I profess to you , I have present need on 't , And am as strict , Sir , for my right , as I Before was to decline it . Val . Pray , Sir , take it ; And give me leave to beg your charitable Construction of my Father . Broo. How is that ? Val . Did you but know the care , the cost , and travell He has been at a thousand waies , to finde Your injur'd Sister , to make good his fault , If possibly he might — Broo. O fie , O fie ! Val. Till all Opinion gave her dead ; and then The meanes he has sought to do you Offices Against your knowledge . For he knew your Spirit Would not except of his benevolence . — Broo. Read that , and guesse whose deed ' t is . Stand off Girle . Phil. Yes forsooth Father , I shall learn in time , I le call him Father till he findes me another . J know he could not shed those teares for nothing . Val . But does she live , to whom this was directed ? Broo. Speak low ▪ is that your Fathers hand ? Val . It is . Broo. Along with me then . Girle , lead you the way . Phil. Anan forsooth Father ▪ Broo. Shew us to your Mother . Phil. Shall he go too ? What will the Neighbours think ? There 's none but Beggars all about us . Ods so , There 'll be a show indeed . Val . No matter . Will you go ? Phil. Sir , they will hale you to peeces . Val . Will you deny me ? Phil. How shall I answer'● to my Mother ? She Never saw man , nor has been seen by man , That J k 〈…〉 n my life . Val . N 〈…〉 tter : Will you on ? Broo. I le save thee blamelesse . Phil. Troth I le venter . — Exeunt Oes . ACT. V. Scene I. Frances , Magdalen , Jane , Alice . Wine on a Table . Fra. TRes bien venue Madames . You are very welcome . Mag. Good lack ! And is it you , Mrs. Alice ? I' st possible ? Are you come to learn Carriage too ? I will make bold with tother Glasse of Wine . At a word , J like your French Carriage the better , that it allowes elder Women to drink VVine . Ali. They have no other drink , except water . And Maids are ▪ allowed but that . Ja. And young wives ( they say ) wine with their water . Mag. Mingle your Glasse , then , Daughter . This for me . Your father has so fought you Mrs. Alice . Ja. My Father has mist us too , by this time ▪ Mag. But neither of 'em can dream French enough , to direct 'em hither , J warrant you . And does she learn the Carriages very well , Madamsilly ? Fra. Madamoyselle , si vous plaist . Mag. What do yee cal 't ? I shall never hit it . ▪ How do you finde your Schollar ? Fra. O , she is very good . She learn very well . Mag. But how much carriage hath she learnt ? Heark you Mrs. Alice . Have you not learnt to carry a man ? Has not a good Husband stolne you hither ? J can think waggi●hly I tell you : And an old Ape has an old eye . Go to . Ali. No such matter , Mrs. Bumpsey . Fra : VVhat is that you say ? Mag. I ask you how much carriage she has learnt ? Fra. She come but dis day ; And she carry both the hands already . Mag. How say by that . I' st possible ? Can she carry both her hands in one day ? Fra. Yes , and before to morrow , she shall carry the foot as well . Mag. It seems , then , you teach handling before footing in your French way . Fra. You may learn dat of de leetle Shild . De leetle Shild you see will handle de ting , before it can set one foot to de ground . Come , let me see you make a Reverance . Mag. Reverance ! VVhat 's that ? Fra. T is dat you call a Curtsie . Let me see you make Curtsie . Mag. Look you heare then . Fra. O fee , fee — dat is de gross english Douck , for de swagbuttock'd-wife of de Pesant . Mag. How like you this then ? There 's a Reverence I warrant you . Fra. Fee , dat is worse . See how you carry de hands like de Comedien dat act de shangling . Mag. Shall I ever hit on 't troe ? I must take tother Glass . Ali. Take heed she does not take too much . Ja. I hope she will not . But there 's no crossing her . Fra. Let me see your hands . Mag. There they bee . They have been a little too familiar with Sea-coale fires , and much other course houswifry , which J shall utterly abhor , and wash off , when J have learnt to carry them Courtly . But shall J ever do it , think you ? Fra. Yes , yes , and all your other parts and members . Mag. I may winne my Husband to love mee Courtly then . Fra. To love , and lye with you Courtly . Mag. That 's but seldome , I doubt . Fra. You shall know all de waies to winne his Love , Or any mans , to multiply your honour . — Mag. J will so multiply then . Fra. Not onely in your looks , your smiles and sweet Caresses ▪ ( Besides the help of Painting ) that adorn The face : But with the motion of each Lineament , Of the whole frame of your wel order'd body . An Eye , a Lip , a finger shall not move ; A Toe trip unregarded . But your Geat And your whole gracefull Presence shall attract , ( Beyond affection ) admiration : As I le artifice you . Mag. I le be a Nimph. Diana and her Dearlings ▪ deare , deare , deare , &c. sing . But may I paint , say you ? Fra. O most allowably ; nay , commendably . Mag. Tother Glass for that . Fra. Then for the Art of dressing , setting forrh Head Face , Neck , Breast , ; with which I will inspire you . To cover , or discover any part — Unto de best advantage . Mag. That is to say , To hide shame , or shew all : that 's her meaning . Fra. You shall have no defect perceiv'd , no grace conceal'd . Mag. I am for the naked Neck and Shoulders , then . For ( I tell you Mistress ) I have a white Skin , And a round streight Neck : smooth and plump Shoulders , Free from French Flea-bits , and never a wrinckle Neare'em , though I say 't . Fra. 'Thas been suggested by invective men , Women , to justisie themselves that way , Began that Fashion . As one tother side , The fashion of mens Brow-looks was perhaps Devis'd out of necessity , to hide All il-grac'd forehead ; Or besprinckled with The outward Symptomes of some inward griefe . As , formerly the Saffron-steeped Linnen , By some great man found usefull against Vermine , Was ta ▪ ne up for a fashionable wearing . Some Lord that was no Niggard of his Beauty , Might bring up narrow brims to publish it . Another , to obscure his , or perhaps To hide defects thereof , might bring up broad ones . As questionless , the streight , neat timber'd Leg , First wore the Troncks , and long Silk-ho●e : As likely The Baker-knees , or some strange shamble shanks , Begat the Ancle-breeches . Mag. Sur● the men Took that conceit from us . What woman shewe● A Leg ▪ that 's not a good one ? — She shewes a swadled leg . Fra. These among men , are followed for the fashions , That were invented for the better grace . ( As our Attires ) to set off Limb , or face . Mag. Good lack ! What knowledge comes from forraigne parts ? Enter Dryground , VVat. Dry. I prethee Wat , have patience for an houre . Wat. Not for a minute , Sir , I le not be kick'd , And call'd base Pandar for your baseness . Dry. Nay , look you Wat. Wat. And had almost been pump'd , And made a sport for Water-men i' th' Thames . Dry. But Heare me , Wat. Wat. I le heare my Father sooner . ( Give me hence My Sister ) were he a ravenous Beast , a Wolfe , J would obey him rather then trudge a foot Further in your base way . Heart J am hip-shot . Dry. Now , would his Bodies paines convert his Soule , T were a good work . Wat. J am in desperate feare O' th' Mourning of the Chine too with the kicks ▪ And hunches they o're-laid me with . O base ! Without resistance . Give me hence my Sister . Dry. But how was it my fault ? Wat. Was 't not your project ? Ja. What may this mean ▪ Ali. No harm J warrant you . Wat. Nay , it shall out . Your base inhumane Project , To sell your Daughters Maiden-head . ( J care not Who heares me , J. ) And cunningly to make me Your Hackney-jade to fetch your Chapmen in . Mag. Where are we now ? Ja. What did my Husband mean to wish us hither ? Wat. Baseness ! J cannot call it bad enough . Dry. You were as forward in it as my selfe , And wooed me you might have her without all faults . Wat. Mine eyes are opened now . Dry. But J beleive , They were almost beaten out first . Wat. And J vow Ere J will marry so , I le take a Beggar , And joyn in trade with her , though I get nothing But — My name is Vermine already , J Thank a good Father for 't . Dry. A Beggar-wenches breed would propagate Your name most numerously . Wat. Much better then your Sale-ware , and more lasting . J think J saw her to day must be the woman , Good Madame Polcat , the trim Schoole-mistriss . I le make bold with your Schollar . What! you have more . I le carry her and her Virginity Unto some fitter place of Execution . Ali. You brought me hither , Sir , and here I le stay . Wat. What! in a Bawdy-house ? Mag. O deare ! and is it so ? VVhat are we then ? Is this your boun fashion ? Is this the carriage of the Body , that you would teach us ? What , to bee VVhores ? VVe could learn that at home , and there were need , without your teaching , Ja. Mother ; what do you mean ? Ali. Mrs Bumpsey ; pray feare no harm . Mag. O good lack ! what will become of us ? where are we now , Jane ? Betray'd ! betray'd ! Our honours are betray'd . O my poor Bump. how will thou take this at my hands , though J carry them never so Courtly ? Dry. 'Sfoot , she 's in her Mawdlin fit : All her wine showres out in teares . Mag. Oh , oh , oh , — She falls Dry. Pray have her in . Look carefully to her , Mag. Oh , oh , oh , — Dry. Take the Bottle with yee . Mag. I , I , I. Dry. In all to the next Room . — Exeunt Fra. Jane leading out Magdalen . Wat. Sir , she shall with me . I le leave her where J found her . Dry. Sir , no such matter . Wat. 'Sfoot , Gentlewoman , must I kick you out o ▪ doores ? Dry. No , nor depart your selfe , but by Authority . J am provided for you . Friends come in . Enter two Sergeants . And do your Office. Ser. We arrest you , Sir ; Nay , we shall rule you ▪ Wat. Ha , ha , ha . VVhy , this is well , and very hospitably done . VVould any man but an old Bawde ha' done this ? Dry. Sir , J mistrusted your Apostacy . Since you revolt , J must recall my money ; Or lay you where J found you , as you threatned your Sister here . Wat. Baser , and baser still . Are you a Knight ? A Knight , a Post-Knight . A Postillion , That rides a fore-horse , o ▪ re the Eares in durt , Three fingers thick , is not so base . You Varlets , Do you arrest folkes in a bawdy-house ? Ser. VVe do not finde it so ; Or , if it be , The place may be as honest as our Office. VVill you walk , Sir ? Wat. Stay ; Let me consider , If now my Father ( as some in like cases Have done ) would take a fine submission . I could affoard to kneele and whine , me-thinks , Rather then back to my old Ward again . T will nere be handsome though . Enter Valentine . Val. The business Gentlemen . Wat. My lucky friend . Sir , you reliev'd me lately . Could you now But add another Favour , it might teach One , that nere learnt to pray , to pray for you . Do you not know me , Sir ? T was I you sav'd Out of the Temple Sudds . Val. Hast thou been shav'd since ? Wat. No , Sir , I was disguis'd . Val. Disguis'd ! Wat. Disguis'd in villany , which I recant . Val. Who knowes but he may prove an honest man ? Pray , Sir , a word . Ser. We do not use to wait dry-fisted ; nor dry throated . Wat. I would you were as wet all over , as I was like to have been : Or , as you are Catchpoles , I would you had been but in those hands I escap'd from . Dry. You have prevail'd , Sir. Val. Sergeants you shall not out of the House . Here 's for halfe an houres attendance . Go into that Room with your Prisoner . You shall have Wine , and Smoak too . Be of good cheere friend ▪ if thou canst be honest , I can relieve thee : feare not . Wat. Sir , get my Father but to say as much , And you shall be Co-heire with me . I vow you shall have halfe . Exeunt Wat , Sergeants Val. VVee 'll talk anon . The Youth appeares converted . Dry. There was no other meanes to work it by , But that I us'd ; to urg'd him past his Nature . He was so free in 's Villany , that I Giving the Spurs , ran him beyond his speed ; Quite off his Legs , and glad to be led home . Val. His Father comes on fairely : I have follow'd All your Instructions concerning him , And my fantastick Father-'Law . Both whom Are hard at hand , with the wise western Knight . He too 's content to go to the best Ordinary , VVhile t is best cheap he saies . VVhere are the women ? Dry. Your Mother-'Law , after she had got As much French Carriage , as might serve to furnish A petty Court ; is fallen into a fit , To over-throw it all againe . Val. The better . But is the house cleare , Sir , of all your Riflers ? Dry. As I could wish ; And well satisfied . For , when they understood the honest end , My Project aim'd at ; which , by an Oration VVell charg'd with virtuous Sentences , I forc'd Into the nobler Breasts : they all recanted The barbarous purpose ; and as freely left Their money for that Charitable use , To which I pre-intended it . The rest Purs'd theirs again . But yet I have collected In this odd uncouth way , five hundred Pounds , That was laid down at stake for a Virginity , To make an honest stock for Franck. Val . T is good . I may fetch in my Guests in the mean time You maybe pleas'd , Sir , to peruse this Baper . Exit . Dry. How now ! what 's here ? How might he come by this ? It is the scorn I sent my injur'd Love ; My abus'd Elynor : The hand , that threw Her from me . O , that at the price of it I could receive her . Enter Oliver . Ambrose . Ol. Sir , by your leave , VVe come to sup w 'yee . Does your Rifling hold ? Amb. VVhat , you are off o' the hooks , me-thinks . Ol. If there be no such thing , tell us the Riddle ? Dry. You shall know all , and briefely . Franck , come in . Enter Franck. Now Gentlemen — Ol. Let us salute her first . — Salute , then whisper . Dry. She does not tast of sin . Faire Chastity Sits crown'd upon her Brow , with an aspect , May beat down . Lust to Hell , from whence it rose . Fra. You professe Nobly , sir . Ol. I vow , and do not lye to you : If I finde Your Father so inhumane , you against it : VVee 'll be your Rescue , if forty able sword-men VVhich we have , at the signall of a finger , Planted in readiness , can fetch you off : Do you approve ? Fran. Yes , and admire your goodness . Ol. Now we are for you , sir : Dry. Then heare the story ; which your late Impatience would not permit . Amb. You speak not now In that high Phrase , or tone , as you Enter Valentine . Bumpsey , Vermine , Amphilus , Brookall , Elynor , Phillis . did then . Val. Stand here , unseene ; and heare attentively . Dry. I am a Gentleman , that by foule misdeed ( Heaven , Heaven I aske thee pardon ) once did wrong To an unfortunate Family , by rejecting , After affiance , and her love abus ▪ d , A Gentlewoman — Ol. You got with child , and then deny'd her Marriage . Dry. T was so . Ely. Ay me ! Val. No passion , gentle Soule . Phil. If this should prove my Father now ! — Ol. Well Sir , your Gentlewoman ! Dry. Shee , on the discontent , ( poore haplesse Soule ) Now foureteen Winters since though sadly burden'd , Fled , and no more is heard of : at the first My wildnesse took no sense of this deare Losse ; But drew me through the wayes of carelesse pleasure , By riotous expence , that mine estate And Credit ran at waste , and was nigh spent , Untill my trespasse cry'd against my Conscience To render satisfaction : but in vaine We offer to the dead . My Genius therefore Prompts me to gratefull deeds unto her Blood. Amb. What can this come to ? Dry. Shee had a Brother , that lost his estate By Law — Br. Means he not mee ? Dry. To a Corrupt Oppressor — Ver. Ha! How 's that ? Dry. Was stript out of the very Coat he wore , Had nothing left him , but a Sonne — Ol. What 's all this to your Daughter ? Dry. Even all that may be ; ( see ) His Sonne 's my Daughter . Discover Fran● . Now do you find my project Gentlemen ? It has at Charge of three dayes House-keeping Put hal●e a thousand pounds in 's purse ; Besides A faire pull for his Fathers Land againe : For he has , by a lawfull Church-man , married The Daughter of his Fathers Adversary . Ol. Why , here are wonders ! Amb. Bravely , nobly done Dry. Come Mrs. Alice ; and justifie your Act. Enter Alice Ver. My Daughter , ha ! Amp. My sweetheart , hoe ! Fr● . Your haes and hoes can not draw her from me , Thee is my Wife . Ver. By what witch-craft ? Dry. By stronger Charmes , then your Art can dissolve ▪ You know me now , Sir — And my Project , do you not ? Discovers himselfe . Ol. Amb. Sir Humfrey Dryground . Ver. I am struck dum with wonder . Elin. O t is he , t is hee . Val. Alasse she swounes , Sir cheare you up this Lady , While I appease the rest . A word with you Sir. Amp. I will not be appeas'd . Dry. My love ! my Elynor ! Bump. So , cheare her up Sir Humfry . To her againe Sir Humfry ; your Sonne and mine in Law has told me all your story , and reconcil'd your Brother Brookall to you before your interview . I know all , the full point and the whole substance ; the flat and plaine of the businesse ; and now I love these things againe . How now Sir Amphilus ? Drown'd in Melancholly ? Amp. No : But and I were at the Duckingpond , I know what I know . But when I drown my selfe , I 'll give you leave to hang me . Ali. Your pardon , and your blessing ; I beseech you . Ver. Hence . Exit Valentine . Broo. Was this thy Journey into France my Boy ? High Providence hath made it good . But tell mee , Was Love your chiefe Instructor to this Marriage ? Fran. Indeed it was equall in her and mee . Ali. Pray Sir your blessing . Ver. Away . Broo. Turne this way for a blessing then my Daughter , Bump. Shall I tell you Neighbour ? Law has no reliefe for you ; And Conscience and you have a longe time been strangers ▪ Could you be friends and embrace Conscience now , all would be well . And there 's the substance . Is it plaine ? Ver. Conscience ! do you know where she is ? Enter Val. Wat. Magdalen , Jane . Val. Heere 's one has brought her in his true Conversion . Wat. Sir , If you can forgive , and can obey you ▪ — I now can better kneele ▪ then speak He weep● Val. Do you note those teares , Sir ? Had you lost your Daughter , My Father had in this made you amends , In finding you a Son. His Art converted him . Ver. Sure , all 's but Apparition , or a dream . Bump. Ha! Think you so ? T is your own flesh and blood : And by your leave and liking ▪ may prove as honest a Man , as his Father . Is not this plaine now ? Forgive and blesse ●m all over , and so Kisse 'em too ▪ They are your Children ▪ Mag. O my deare Bump ! Art thou there ? Thou mayst kisse , and forgive me all over too , for any harm , or dishonesty ; though the place be as they say-at a word , Bump. Thou mayst beleive me , I came but to learn Carriage of the Body , nor to carry no bodies body , but my owne body , Bump. No truely , truely Bump. o — o — that ever I did that . Bump. Peace , peace : All 's well . At least I know your Disease . Mag. Think me not drunk , good Bump , a little fashion-sick , or so . Amp. Fashion-sick ! a fine civill word . To be drunk , is fashion-sick . Ver. I am awak'd out of the Lethargy Of Avarice : Blest may our Friendship be . Dry. I will not sleep , before the holy Priest Has done the Office. Blessing on my Girle . Val , Thou hast made me young againe : the best Occurrents in this Project have been thine . Thy Accidents exceeded my designe . Val. They do not yet cease here : For see , the strife Betwixt these long continued Adversaries Perfectly reconcil'd ; and both have given The young and hopefull married paire their Blessings . Amp. To which I have given my Consent most freely . For it was Nolens volens as they say . Val. They are beholden to you . Mr. Vermine Restores unto the Son the Fathers Land , For Dowry with his Daughter : And is taken So with the good you wrought upon his Son , The Convertite here ; that if he stand firme Till the determination of your Mortgage , Hee ● cancell it , and send it Gratis to you . Wat. That 's sure enough . But Sir , the other businesse . Dry. What 's that ? Val. The most to be admir'd of all ; He loves my Sister here ; and has done long : But , now , that he perceaves her worth ( being yours ) And , since you promis'd him your Daughter too , He makes it his faire suit . Dry. I 'll talk with his Father . And Wat stand you but firme , and live reform'd , Winning my Daughters love , you shall have mine . Phil. That Fortune is not blinde , that shew'd me way To Father , Friends , and Husband in one day . Dry. This binds us all into a Brother-hood . Bro. And with a Brothers Love I now salute you . Dry. So may we with a generall embrace , Create the Heart of Friendship , not the Face . Come Gentlemen , your Ordinary stayes , T will prove good fare ( I hope ) though no rich Feast ; And acceptable to each welcome Guest . Epilogue . NO way ambitious yet of vulgar praise , The writer of these Scenes desires to know , By your faire leave , though he assume no Bayes , Whether he pull'd faire for a ●●afe or no. If yes , then let your hands assistant be , T' incourage him to climb Apollo's tree . FINIS . Courteous Reader , These Books following are printed for Humphrey Moseley , and are to be sold at his Shop at the Prince's Armes in St. Paul's Church-yard . Various Histories , with curious Discourses in Humane Learning , &c. 1. DE Bello , Belgico , The History of the Low-Country-Warrs , written in Latine by Famianus Strada , in English by Sir Robert Stapylton ; illustrated with divers figures , newly printed , in Folio . 2. The History of the Banished Virgin , a Romance , translated by I. H. Esquire , in Fol. 3. The Historie of Polexander , a Romance , Englished by William Brown Gent. Printed for T. W. and are to bee sold by Humphrey Moseley , in Fol. 4. The use of Passions , written by ● . F. Senalt , and put into English by Henry Earl of Monmouth , in 8o. 5. Letters between the Lord George Digby , and Sir Kenelm Digby Knight , concerning Religion , newly printed in 8o. 6. Judicious and Select Essaies , and Observations , written by the Renowned and learned Knight , Sir Walter Raleigh , with his Apology for his Voyage to Guiana , in 8o. newly Printed . 7. Vnheard-of Curiosities concerning the Talismanicall Sculpture of the Persians , the Horoscope of the Patriarkes and the Judgement of the Starres , by James Gaffarel ; Englished by Edm. Chilmead , Ch. Ch Oxon , newly printed in 8o. 8. The Compleat Horseman , and Expert Farrier , in two Books , by Thomas de Gray Esquire , newly printed with Additions , in 4o. 9. Mr. Iames Howels History of Lewis the Thirteenth , King of France with the life of his Cardinall de Richelieu , in Fol. 10. Mr. Howels Epistolae Ho-Elianae , Familiar Letters , Domestick and Forren , in six Sections , partly Historicall , Politicall , Philosophicall , the first Volume with Additions , in 8o. 11. Mr. Howels New volume of Familiar Letters , partly Historicall , Politicall , Philosophicall , the second Volume with many Additions , in 8o. 12. Mr. Howels Third Volume of Additional Letters of a fresher date , never before published , in 8o. 13. Mr. Howels Dodona's Grove , or the Vocall Forest , the first part , in 12 o with many Additions . 14. Mr. Howels Dodona's Grove , or the Vocall Forest , the second part , in 8 o never printed before . 15. Mr. Howels Englands Teares for the present wars . 16. Mr. Howel of the Pre-eminence and Pedegree of Parliament , in 12o. 17. Mr Howels Instructions and Directions for Forren Travels , in 12 o with divers Additions for Travelling into Turky , and the Levant parts . 18. Mr. Howels Vote , or a Poem Royall presented to his Majesty , in 4o. 19. Mr. Howels Angli● Suspiria & lachrymae , in 12o. 20. Policy unveiled , or Maximes of State , done into English by the Translator of Gusinan , in 4o. 21. The History of the Inquisition , composed by the R. F. Paul Servi●a , the compiler of the History of the ▪ Councill of Trent , in 4 o translated out of Italian . 22. Biathanato's , a Paradox of self-homicide , by Dr Jo. Donne , Dean of St Pauls London , in 4o. 23. Marques Virgilio Malvezzi's Romulus and Tarquin , Englished by Hen. Earl of Monmouth , in 12 o 24. Marques Virgilio Malvezzi's David persecuted , Englished by Ro. Ashley . Gent. in 12o. 25. Marques Virgilio Malvezzi , of the success and chief events of the Monarchy of Spain , in the year 1639 ▪ of the revolt of the Catalonians from the King of Spain , Englished by Rob. Gentilis Gen● . in 12o. 26. Marques Virgilio Malvezzi's considerations on the lives of Alci●iades , and Coriolanus , Two famous Roman Commanders Englished by Rob. Gentilis Gent. in 12 o newly printed . 27. Gracious privileges granted by the King of Spain to our English Merchants , in 4o. 28. The History of Life and Death , or the prolongation of Life , written by Francis Lord Verulam , Viscount St. Albans in 12 o ▪ 29. The Antipathy between the French and the Spanyard , an ingenious translation out of Spanish , in 12o. 30. Mr. Birds grounds of Grammer , in 8 o 31. Mr. Bulwers Philocophus , or the Deaf and Dumb mans friend , in 12o. 32. Mr Bulwers Pathomyotomia , or the Dissection of the significative Muscles of the Affections of the Mind , in 12o. 33. An Itinerary contayning a voyage made through Italy in the yeares 1646 , 1647. illustrated with divers Figures of Antiquity , never before published , by John Raymond , Gent in 12 o 34. A Discovery of Subterraneal Treasure , viz of all manner of Mines and Minerals , from the Gold , to the Coal , with plain Directions and Rules for the finding of them in all Kingdoms , and Countreys , written by Gabriel Plat. Printed for I. E. and are to be sold by Humphrey Moseley , newly printed . 1653. Severall Sermons , with other excellent Tracts in Divinity , written by some most eminent and learned Bishops , and Orthodox Divines . 35 A Manuall of private Devotions and Meditations for every day in the week , by the right reverend Father in God , Lancelot Andrews late Lord Bishop of Winchester , in 24o. newly printed . 36. A Manuall of Directions for the Sick , with many sweet Meditations and Devotions , by the right reverend Father in God , Lancelot Andrews , late Lord Bishop of Winchester , in 24 o , newly printed . 37. Ten Sermons upon severall occasions , preached at St Pauls Cross , and elswhere , by the right reverend Father in God , Arthur Lake , late Lord Bishop of Bath and Wells , in 4o. 38. Six Sermons upon severall occasions , preached at Court before the Kings Majesty , and elsewhere , by that late learned and reverend Divine , John Donne , Dr. in Divinity , and Dean of St. Pauls London , in 4o. 39 A Key to the Key of Scripture , or an exposition with notes upon the Epistle to the Romans , the three first chapters , by William Sclater , Dr. in Divinity and Minister of the word of God at Pitmister in Somersetshire , in 4o. 40. Pretious promises and priviledges of the faithfull , written by Richard Sibbs , Dr in Divinity , late Master of Katharine Hall in Cambridge , and Preacher of Grayes Inne London , in 12o. 41. Sarah and Hagar , or the sixteenth Chapter of Genesis opened in nineteen Sermons , being the first legitimate Essay of the pious labours of that learned , Orthodox , and indefatigable Preacher of the Gospell , Mr. Josias Shute . B. D. and above 33 yeares Rector of St Mary Woolnoth in Lombardstreet , in Folio . 42. Christs Teares with his love and affection towards Jerusalem , delivered in sundry Sermons upon Luke 19. v. 41 , 42. by Richard Maden , B. D. Preacher of the Word of God , late of Magdalen Colledge in Camb. in 4o. 43. Ten Sermons preached upon severall Sundays ; and Saints dayes , by Peter Hausted Mr. in Arts , and Curate at Vppingham in Rutland , in 4o. 44. Eighteen Sermons preached upon the Incarnation and Nativity of our blessed Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ , wherein the greatest mysteries of God lines are unfolded , to the capacity of the Weakest Christian , by John Dawson Oxon. in 4o. 45. The History of the Defenders of the Faith , discoursing the state of Religion in England during the Reign of King Henry 8. Edward 6. Queen Mary , and Queen Elizabeth . by C. L. in 4o. 46. Christian Divinity , written by Edmund Reeve . Batchelour in Divinity , in 4o. 47. The Communion-Book Catechism expounded by Edmund Reeve Batchelour in Divinity , in 4o. 48. The true and absolute Bishop , wherein is shewed how Christ is our only Shepheard and Bishop of our soules , by Nicholas Darton , Master in Arts , in 4o. 49. A description of the New-born Christian , or a lively pattern of the Saint militant , child of God , wri●ten by Nicholas Hunt , Mast●r in Arts , in 4 o 50. Divine Meditations upon the 91. Psalm , and on The History of Agag King of Amalek with an Essay of Friendship written by an honourable person , in 12o. 51. An Historicall Anatomy of Christian Melancholy , by Edmund Gregory . Oxon. in 8o. 52. Lazarus his Rest , a Sermon preached at the Funerall of that pious , learned , and Orthodox Divine , Mr. Ephraim Vdall , by Thomas Reeve , Batchelour in Divinity , in 4o. 53. The Survey of Man , in a Sermon as it was delivered by Mr. John Bishop at his Fathers funeral , in 4 o ▪ Printed 1652. Choice Poems , with excellent Translatiors , and incomparable Comedies and Tragedies , written by severall ingenious Authors . 54 ▪ COmedies and Tragedies written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , never printed before , and now published by the Authors Originall Copies , containing 34 plays , and a Masque , in Fol. 55. Epigrammata Thomae Mori Angli , in 16o. 56. Fragmenta Aurea , A Collection of the incomparable Pieces , written by Sr. John Suckling Kt. in 8o. 57. All Juvenals 16 Satyrs transláted by Sr , Robert Stapylton wherein is contained a survey of the manners & actions of mankind , with Annotations , in 8 o 58. Musaeus on the loves of Hero and Leander , with Leanders letter to Hero , & her answer , taken out of Ovid , with Annotations by Sir Rob. Stapylton , in 8o. 59. Poems , &c. written by Mr. Edward Waller of Beconsfield Esq in 8 o 60. Pastor Fid● , the faithfull Shepheard , a Pastoral , newly translated out of the Original , by Mr. Rich. Fanshaw , Esq in 4o. 61. Poems , with a discovery of the Civil Warres of Rome by , Mr. Richard Fanshaw , Esq in 4o. 62. Aurora , Ismenia , and the Prince , with Oronta the Cyprian Virgin , translated by Thomas Stanly Esq the 2 d Edition corrected and amended , in 8o. 63. Europa , Cupid crucified , Venus Vigils , with Annotations , by Thomas Stanly , Esq in 8o. 64. Medea , a Tragedy written in Latine by Lucius Annaeus Seneca , Englished by Mr. Edward Sherburn Esq with Annotations , in 8o. 65. Seneca's answer to Lucilius his Quaere , why good men suffer misfortunes , seeing there is a Divine providence , translated into English verse by Mr Edward Sherburn Esq in 8o. 66. Poems of Mr John Milton , with a Masque presented at Ludl●w Castle before the Earle of Bridgewater , then president of Wales , in 8o. 67. Poems , &c. with a Masque called The Triumph of Beauty , by James Shirley , Gent. in 8o. 68. Divine Poems , written by Francis Quarles , in 8o. 69. The Odes of Casimire , translated by Mr. George Hills of Newark , in 12o. 70. Steps to the Temple , Sacred Poems with the Delights of the Muses ▪ upon several occasions , by Richard Crashaw of Cambridge , in 12o. 71. The Mistris , or several Copies of Love verses written by Mr. Abraham Cowley , in 8o. 72. Arnal●e and Lucenda , or the melancholy Knight , a Poem translated by L. Laurence , in 4o. 73. The Sophister , a Comedy in 4o. by Dr. S. 74. The Woman-hater , or , the Hungry Courtier , a Comedy written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 75. The Tragedy of Thierry King of France , and his brother Theodoret , written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 76. The Elder Brother , a Comedy written by Fran. Beaumont , & John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 77. The Scornfull Lady , a Comedy written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 78. Cupids Revenge , a Tragedy written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 79. Monsieur Thomas , a Comedy written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 80. The two noble Kinsmen , a Comedy written by Francis Beaumont , and John Fletcher , Gent. in 4o. 81. The Tragedy of Albovine King of the Lombards , written by William Davenant , in 4o. 82. The Just Italian , written by VVilliam Davenant , i● 4o. 83. The Cruel Brother , a Tragedy written by William Davenant , in 4o. 84. The Unfortunate Lovers , a Tragedy written by VVilliam Davenant , in 4o. 85. Love and Honor , a Comedy written by William Davenant , in 4o. 86. Madagascar , with other Poems , written by William Davenant , in 12o. 87. The Countrey Captain , and the Varietie , two Comedies written by a Person of Honour , in 12o. 88. The Contention for Honor and Riches , a Masque written by James Shirley , Gent. in 4o. 89. The Triumph of Peace , a Masque presented by the four honourable Houses of Inns of Court before the King , and Queens Majesty at Whitehall , 1633 , written by James Shirley , Gent. in 4o. 90. The Dutchess of Malfy , a Tragedy written by John Webster , Gent. in 4o. 91. Poems written by Mr. William Shakespear , Gent. in 8o. 92. The Cid , a Tragi-Comedy , translated out of French by Joseph Rut●er , Gent. in 12o. 93. Allarum to Poets by I. L. in 4o. 94. Fragmenta Poetica , or Miscellanies of Poeticall Musings , by Nich. Murford , Gent. in 12o. 95. Hymnus Tobaci Authore Raphaele Thorio , in 8o. 96. Hymnus Tobaci , a Poem in Honour of Tobacco , heroically composed by Raphael Thorius , made English by Peter Hausted , Mr. of Arts Camb. newly printed in 8o. 97. The Sophy , a Tragedy written by Mr. Iohn Denham Esquire . 98. Coopers Hill , a Poem written by Mr. Iohn Denham Esq . The second Edition in 4o. with Additions . 99. Poems , with a Masque , by Thomas Carew Esquire , Gentleman of the Privy Chamber to his late Majesty , revived and inlarged with Additions . in 8o. 100. Comedies and Tragedies , with other excellent Poems , by Mr. William Cartwright , late Student of Christ-Church in Oxford , and Proctor of the University . The Ayres and Songs set by Mr. Henry Laws servant to his late Majesty in his publick and private Musick , newly printed in 8o. 101. Clarastella , with other occasionall Poems , Elegies , Epigrams and Satyrs , written by R. Heath , Esq . in 12o. 102. Olor Iscanus , a Collection of some select Poems , and Translations , written by Mr. Henry Vaughan Silurist , newly printed in 8o. 103. The Academy of Complements , wherein Ladies , Gentlewomen , Scholars , and Strangers may accommodate their Courtly practise , with Gentile Ceremonies , Complementall , Amorous , high Expressions , and Forms of speaking , or writing of Letters , most in fashion , with Additions of many witty Poems , & pleasant new Songs , newly printed . Books newly printed this present year for Humphrey Moseley . 104. THe Psalms of David from the new Translation of the Bible , turned into Me●re , to be sung after the old Tunes used in the Churches , by the Right Reverend Father in God , Henry King Bishop of Chichester , in 12o. 105. The Life of the most Learned Father Paul , Author of the History of the Council of Trent ▪ translated out of Italian by a person of Quality , in 8o. 106. Choice Musick for three Voices , and a Thorough Base , composed by Mr. Henry , and Mr. William Lawes , brothers , and servants to his late Majesty ; with divers Elegies set in Musick by severall Friends upon the death of Mr. William Lawes , in 4o. 107. Artificiall Arithmetick , containing the Quintessence of the Golden Rule , the true valuation of all Annuities , also to finde the distance at one station ; an Art never till now published ; useful for Gunners , Seamen , and Surveyors , by Rob. Jager , Gent. in 8o. 108. Cassandra , the fam'd Romance , the three first Books written originally in French , & now elegantly rendred into English by the right honorable the Lord George Digby , in 8o. 109. The History of Philoxipes and Policrite , taken out of Artamene , or the Grand Cyrus ; made English by an honorable Person , in 8o. 110. The History of Don Fenise , a new Romance , written in Spanish by Francisco de las-Coveras , treating the Severall effects of Love , and Fortune , Englished by a Person of Honour , in 8o. 111. La Stratonica , or the unfortunate Queen , a new Romance , written in Italian , and now Englished by I. B. Gent. in 4o. 112. Ibrahim , or the Illustrious Bassa , an Excellent new Romance , the Whole Work in four parts , written in French by Mounsier de Scudery , and now Englished by Henry Cogan . Gent. in Fol. 113. Cassandra , the fam'd Romance , the whole Work in five parts , written originally in French , and now Elegantly rendred into English by a Person of quality , in Fol. 114. Cleopatra , a new Romance , written in French by the Fam'd Author of Cassandra , and now Englished by a Gen. of the Inner Temple 115. The Wild-Goose-Chase , a Comedy written by Fran. Beaumont & I. Fletcher , Gent. 116. The Widow , a Comedy written by Ben. Johnson , Iohn Fletcher , & Thomas Midleton . 117. The Soveraignty of the British Seas , written by that learned Knight Sir John Boroughes Keeper of the Records in the Tower. Books printed this Tearm for Humphrey Moseley . 118. Poems and translations , the Compleat Workes of Thomas Stanley Esquire , in 8o. 1653. 119. Herodian of Alexandria his Imperial History of twenty Roman Caesars and Emperors of his time , first written in Greek , now converted into an Heroick Poem by C. B. Stapleton in 4o. 1653. 120. Grammatica Burlesa , or a new English Grammer , made plain and easie for Teacher and Scholar , composed by Edward Burles Mr. of Arts and School-master at East-Acton in Midlesex ▪ in 12o. 1653. 121. Sions Prospect in its first view , presented in a Summary of Divine truths , consenting with the faith professed by the Church of England , confirmed from Scripture and Reason , composed by Mr. Ro. Mossom Minister . 122. Quaestio Quodlibetica , or a discourse whether it be lawfull to take Vse for Money , by R. F. Knight in 12o. 1653. 123. Historical Relations of the Vnited Provinces of Flanders , written in Italian by Cardinall Bentivoglio , and now rendred into English by the Right Honorable Henry Earl of Monmouth , in Fol. 1653. 124. Choice Novels and Amorous Tales , written by the most refined witts of Italy , newly translated into English by a Person of Quality , in 8o. 1653. 125 ▪ Nissena , an excellent new Romance , written Orignally in Italian , and now Englished by an Honorable Person , in 8o. 1653. 126. The Changeling , written by Thomas Middleton and W. Rowley , Gent. in 4o. 1653. 127. Paradoxes , Problems , Characters &c. by Dr. Donne D. of St. Paul's , to which is added a Book of Epigrams , written in Latin by the same Author ; translated by Jasper Main D. D. 128. Ignatius his Conclave a Satyr written by Dr. Don●● Dean of St Paules . 129. Essayes in Divinity by Dr. Donne D. of St. Paul's , before he entred into holy Orders . These Books I have now in the Presse , ready to come forth . 130. Six new Playes , viz. The BROTHERS . The SISTERS . The DOUBTFULL HEIR . The IMPOSTURE . The CARDINALL . The COURT SECRET . By James Shirley , Gent. in 8o. Being all that ever the Author made for the Private house in Black-Fryers . 131. The Sinners Teares in Meditations and Prayers , by Thomas Fettiplace of Peterhouse Cam● . in 12o. 132. The Naturall and experimentall History of Winds written in Latine by the right Honorable Francis Lord Verulam Viscount St. Alban , translated into English by an admirer of the learned Author ▪ in 12o. 133. The Card of Courtship , or the Language of Love , fitted to the Humors of all Degrees , Sexes , and Conditions , in 12o. 1653. 134. Rena●us des Cartes's Excellent Compendium of Musick with Necessary and Judicious Animadversion● Thereupon by a Person of Honor , Illustrated with divers figures . 1653. 135. Naturall & divine Contemplations of the Passions and facultyes of the soul of man in three book● , written by Nicholas , Mosley Esq These Bookes I doe purpose to Print very Speedily . 136. THe History of the Warres of the Emperour Iustinian with the Persians , Go●hs ▪ and Vandalls , written in Greek by Procopius of Caesarea , in ●ight books , translated into English by Sir ▪ Henry Holtcraft , Kt. 137. The History of the Kingdome of N●ples , with a large and exact Description of the Scituation , Quality , & nature of the Country ▪ the Manners and Conditions of the People , with the famous Antiquityes , and the worthy men ▪ that have lived therein , &c. Composed by the most Elaborate care of Sampson Lennard , Esquier . 138. Poemata Graeca & 〈…〉 na , à Gulielmo ▪ Cartwright , è C. C. Oxon. 139. Le Ch●min Abrege , or a Discourse for the attaining of Sciences in a short time , with the Statutes of the Academy of the Cardinall Richelieu , translated out of French. 140. The Secretary in Fashion , or a Compendious and refined way of Expression in all manner of Letters , composed in French by P. Sr. de la S●rre augmented with instructions how to write Letters , moreover a Collection of 26 Choice moral Letters , written by the most refined wits of this age , also the Complements of the French tongue , newly ▪ translated into English by a Person of Quality . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A77565-e3860 The Shop discover'd , Alicia , & Bellamy . Aside . Notes for div A77565-e101600 1 Swain . 2 Court. 3 Dainty . 4 Cit-wit . 5 Doctor .