The character of a coffee-house wherein is contained a description of the persons usually frequenting it, with their discourse and humors, as also the admirable vertues of coffee / by an eye and ear witness. Eye and ear witness. 1665 Approx. 17 KB of XML-encoded text transcribed from 7 1-bit group-IV TIFF page images. Text Creation Partnership, Ann Arbor, MI ; Oxford (UK) : 2006-02 (EEBO-TCP Phase 1). A31685 Wing C1967 ESTC R32619 12730494 ocm 12730494 66475 This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Early English Books Online Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal . The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission. Early English books online. (EEBO-TCP ; phase 1, no. A31685) Transcribed from: (Early English Books Online ; image set 66475) Images scanned from microfilm: (Early English books, 1641-1700 ; 1522:21) The character of a coffee-house wherein is contained a description of the persons usually frequenting it, with their discourse and humors, as also the admirable vertues of coffee / by an eye and ear witness. Eye and ear witness. [2], 10 p. s.n.], [London : 1665. In verse. Place of publication suggested by Wing. Reproduction of original in the British Library. Created by converting TCP files to TEI P5 using tcp2tei.xsl, TEI @ Oxford. Re-processed by University of Nebraska-Lincoln and Northwestern, with changes to facilitate morpho-syntactic tagging. Gap elements of known extent have been transformed into placeholder characters or elements to simplify the filling in of gaps by user contributors. 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Copies of the texts have been issued variously as SGML (TCP schema; ASCII text with mnemonic sdata character entities); displayable XML (TCP schema; characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or text strings within braces); or lossless XML (TEI P5, characters represented either as UTF-8 Unicode or TEI g elements). Keying and markup guidelines are available at the Text Creation Partnership web site . eng Coffeehouses -- Poetry. 2005-07 TCP Assigned for keying and markup 2005-09 SPi Global Keyed and coded from ProQuest page images 2005-10 Mona Logarbo Sampled and proofread 2005-10 Mona Logarbo Text and markup reviewed and edited 2006-01 pfs Batch review (QC) and XML conversion THE CHARACTER OF A Coffee-House . WHEREIN Is contained a Description of the Persons usually frequenting it , with their Discourse and Humors , AS ALSO The Admirable Vertues of COFFEE . By an Eye and Ear Witness . When Coffee once was vended here , The Alc'ron shortly did appear : For ( our Reformers were such Widgeons , ) New Liquors brought in new Religions . Printed in the Year , 1665. THE CHARACTER OF A Coffee-House . A Coffee-house , the learned hold It is a place where Coffee's sold ; This derivation cannot fail us , For where Ale 's vended , that 's an Ale-house . This being granted to be true , 'T is meet that next the Signs we shew Both where and how to find this house Where men such cordial broth carowse . And if Culpepper woon some glory In turning the Dispensatory From Latin into English ; then , Why should not all good English men Give him much thanks who shews a cure For all diseases men endure ? As you along the streets do trudge , To take the pains you must not grudge , To view the Posts or Broomsticks where The Signs of Liquors hanged are . And if you see the great Morat With Shash on 's head instead of hat , Or any Sultan in his dress , Or picture of a Sultaness , Or John's admir'd curled pate , Or th' great Mogul in 's Chair of State , Or Constantine the Grecian , Who fourteen years was th' onely man That made Coffee for th' great Bashaw , Although the man he never saw : Or if you see a Coffee-cup Fil'd from a Turkish pot , hung up VVithin the clouds , and round it Pipes , Wax Candles , Stoppers , these are types And certain signs ( with many more VVould be too long to write them 'ore , ) VVhich plainly do Spectators tell That in that house they Coffee sell . Some wiser than the rest ( no doubt , ) Say they can by the smell find 't out ; In at a door ( say they , ) but thrust Your Nose , and if you scent burnt Crust , Be sure there 's Coffee sold that 's good , For so by most 't is understood . Now being enter'd , there 's no needing Of complements or gentile breeding , For you may seat you any where , There 's no respect of persons there ; Then comes the Coffee-man to greet you , VVith welcome Sir , let me entreat you , To tell me what you 'l please to have , For I 'm your humble humble slave ; But if you ask , what good does Coffee ? He 'l answer , Sir , don't think I scoff yee , If I affirm there 's no disease Men have that drink it but find ease . Look , there 's a man who takes the steem In at his Nose , has an extreme Worm in his pate , and giddiness , Ask him and he will say no less . There sitteth one whose Droptick belly VVas hard as flint , now 's soft as jelly . There stands another holds his head 'Ore th' Coffee-pot , was almost dead Even now with Rhume ; ask him hee 'l say That all his Rhum's now past away . See , there 's a man sits now demure And sober , was within this hour Quite drunk , and comes here frequently , For 't is his daily Malady . More , it has such reviving power 'T will keep a man awake an houre , Nay , make his eyes wide open stare Both Sermon time and all the prayer . Sir , should I tell you all the rest O' th' cures 't has done , two hours at least In numb'ring them I needs must spend , Scarce able then to make an end . Besides these vertues that's therein , For any kind of Medicine , The Commonwealth — Kingdom I 'd say , Has mighty reason for to pray That still Arabia may produce Enough of Berry for it's use : For 't has such strange magnetick force , That it draws after 't great concourse Of all degrees of persons , even From high to low , from morn till even ; Especially the sober Party , And News-mongers do drink 't most hearty . Here you ' r not thrust into a Box , As Taverns do to catch the Fox , But as from th' top of Pauls high steeple , Th' whole City 's view'd , even so all people May here be seen ; no secrets are At th' Court for Peace , or th' Camp for War , But straight they 'r here disclos'd and known ; Men in this Age so wise are grown . Now ( Sir ) what profit may accrew By this , to all good men , judge you . VVith that he 's loudly call'd upon For Coffee , and then whip he 's gone . Here at a Table sits ( perplext ) A griping Usurer , and next To him a gallant Furioso , Then nigh to him a Virtuoso ; A Player then ( full fine , ) sits down , And close to him a Country Clown . O' th' other side sits some Pragmatick , And next to him some sly Phanatick . The gallant he for Tea doth call , The Usurer for nought at all . Pragmatick he doth intreat That they will fill him some Beau cheat , The Virtuoso he cries hand me Some Coffee mixt with Sugar candy . Phanaticus ( at last ) says come , Bring me some Aromaticum . The Player bawls for Chocolate , All which the Bumpkin wond'ring at , Cries , ho , my Masters , what d' ye speak , D' ye call for drink in Heathen Greek ? Give me some good old Ale or Beer , Or else I will not drink , I swear . Then having charg'd their Pipes around , They silence break ; First the profound And sage Phanatique , Sirs , what news ? Troth says the Us'rer I ne'r use To tip my tongue with such discourse , 'T were news to know how to disburse A summ of mony ( makes me sad ) To get ought by 't , times are so bad . The other answers , truly Sir You speak but truth , for I 'le aver They ne'r were worse ; did you not hear VVhat prodigies did late appear At Norwich , Ipswich , Grantham , Gotam ? And though prophane ones do not not 'em , Yet we — Here th' Virtuoso stops The current of his speech , with hopes Quoth he , you will not tak 't amiss , I say all 's lies that 's news like this , For I have Factors all about The Realm , so that no Stars peep out That are unusual , much less these Strange and unheard-of Prodigies You would relate , but they are tost To me in letters by first Post . At which the Furioso swears Such chat as this offends his ears , It rather doth become this Age To talk of bloodshed , fury , rage , And t' drink stout healths in brim-fill'd Nogans , To th' Downfall of the Hogan Mogans . VVith that the Player doffs his Bonnet , And tunes his voice as if a Sonnet VVere to be sung ; then gently says , O what delight there is in Plays ! Sure if we were but all in Peace , This noise of Wars and News would cease ; All sorts of people then would club Their pence to see a Play that 's good . You 'l wonder all this while ( perhaps ) The Curioso holds his chaps , But he doth in his thoughts devise , How to the rest he may seem wise ; Yet able longer not to hold , His tedious tale too must be told , And thus begins , Sirs unto me It reason seems that liberty Of speech and words should be allow'd VVhere men of differing judgements croud , And that 's a Coffee-house , for where Should men discourse so free as there ? Coffee and Commonwealth begin Both with one letter , both came in Together for a Reformation , To make 's a free and sober Nation . But now — With that Phanaticus Gives him a nod , and speaks him thus , Hold brother , I know your intent , That 's no dispute convenient For this same place , truths seldome find Acceptance here , they 'r more confin'd To Taverns and to Ale-house liquor , VVhere men do vent their minds more quicker , If that may for a truth but pass VVhat 's said , In vino veritas . With that up starts the Country Clown , And stares about with threatning frown , As if he would even eat them all up , Then bids the boy run quick and call up A Constable , for he has reason To fear their Latin may be treason . But straight they all call what 's to pay , Lay 't down , and march each several way . At th' other table sits a Knight , And here a grave old man ore right Against his worship , then perhaps That by and by a Drawer claps His bum close by them , there down squats A dealer in old shoes and hats ; And here withouten any panick Fear , dread or care a bold Mechanick . The Knight ( because he 's so ) he prates Of matters far beyond their pates . The grave old man he makes a bustle , And his wise sentence in must justle . Up starts th' Apprentice boy and he Says boldly so and so 't must be . The dealer in old shoes to utter His saying too makes no small sputter . Then comes the pert mechanick blade , And contradicts what all have said . The end of all their Chat is this , Each for the Dutch have rods in piss . There by the fier-side doth sit , One freezing in an Ague fit . Another poking in ' t with th' tongs , Still ready to cough up his lungs . Here fitteth one that 's melancolick , And there one singing in a frolick . Each one hath such a prety gesture , At Smithfield fair would yield a tester . Boy reach a pipe cries he that shakes , The songster no Tobacco takes , Says he who coughs , nor do I smoak , Then Monsieur Mopus turns his cloak Off from his face , and with a grave Majestick beck his pipe doth crave . They load their guns and fall a smoaking , Whilst he who coughs sits by a choaking , Till he no longer can abide , And so removes from th' fier side . Now all this while none calls to drink , Which makes the Coffee boy to think Much they his pots should so enclose , He cannot pass but tread on toes . With that as he the Nectar fills From pot to pot , some on 't he spills Upon the Songster , Oh cries he , Pox , what dost do ? thou ' st burnt my knee ▪ No says the boy , ( to make a bald And blind excuse , ) Sir 't will not scald . With that the man lends him a cuff O' th' ear , and whips away in snuff . The other two , their pipes being out , Says Monsieur Mopus I much doubt My friend I wait for will not come , But if he do , say I 'm gone home . Then says the Aguish man I must come According to my wonted custome , To give ye ' a visit , although now I dare not drink , and so adieu . The boy replies , O Sir , however You ' r very welcome , we do never Our Candles , Pipes or Fier grutch To daily customers and such , They ' r Company ( without expence , ) For that 's sufficient recompence . Here at a table all alone , Sits ( studying ) a spruce youngster one , VVho doth conceipt himself full witty , And 's ' counted one o' th' wits o' th' City , ) Till by him ( with a stately grace , ) A Spanish Don himself doth place . Then ( cap in hand ) a brisk Monsieur He takes his seat , and crowds as near As possibly that he can come . Then next a Dutchman takes his room . The Wits glib tongue begins to chatter , Though 't utters more of noise than matter , Yet ' cause they seem to mind his words , His lungs more tattle still affords . At last says he to Don , I trow You understand me ? Sennor no Says th' other . Here the Wit doth pause A little while , then opes his jaws , And says to Monsieur , you enjoy Our tongue I hope ? Non par ma foy , Replies the Frenchman : nor you , Sir ? Says he to th' Dutchman , Neen mynheer : VVith that he 's gone , and cries , why sho'd He stay where wit 's not understood ? There in a place of his own chusing ( Alone ) some lover sits a musing , VVith arms across , and 's eyes up lift , As if he were of sence bereft , Till sometimes to himself he 's speaking , Then sighs as if his heart were breaking . Here in a corner sits a Phrantick , And there stands by a frisking Antick . Of all sorts some and all conditions , Even Vintners , Surgeons and Physicians . The blind , the deaf , and aged cripple Do here resort and Coffee tipple . Now here ( perhaps ) you may expect My Muse some trophies should erect In high flown verse , for to set forth The noble praises of its worth . Truth is , old Poets beat their brains To find out high and lofty strains To praise the ( now too frequent ) use Of the bewitching grapes strong juice . Some have strain'd hard for to exalt The liquor of our English Mault , Nay Don has almost crackt his nodle Enough t' applaud his Caaco Caudle . The Germans Mum , Teag's Usquebagh , ( Made him so well defend Tredagh , ) Metheglin , which the Brittains tope , Hot Brandy wine , the Hogans hope . Stout Meade which makes the Russ to laugh , Spic'd Punch ( in bowls , ) the Indians quaff . All these have had their pens to raise Them Monuments of lasting praise , Onely poor Coffee seems to me No subject fit for Poetry . At least 't is one that none of mine is , So I do wav t , and here write — FINIS . Notes, typically marginal, from the original text Notes for div A31685-e120 The derivation of a Coffee-house . Signs how to find it out . The vertues of Coffee . The company . The several liquors Their discourse . The company . Their discourse .