Alas sir , like will to like , Sugar being of his owne nature sweete , has reason to make much of women , which are the sweetest creatures .

But some of them are sower enough .

I sir , Widdowes at fifteene , and Maides at twentie fiue ; but I keepe them company , for no other thing , then to conuert them , some of them could eu'n eate me , but for feare of spoiling their teeth .

Indeed one of your sweet hearts complained t'other day you made her teeth rotten .

Alas sir , t was none of my fault , she bit me first , and I could doe no lesse , then punish her sweet tooth .

Well sirra , I say , take heed of women .

Nay sir , if I may credit my owne experience they are the best friends I haue , for I am alwaies in their mouthes . If I come to a banquet , as none are made without mee , in what fashion soeuer I appeare , euery woman bestowes a handkercher vpon me , and striue to carry me away in their cleanest linnen : nay , but for shame , to betray their affections to mee , they would bring whole sheets for me to lie in .

Why sure thou wert wrapt in thy mothers smocke .

I thinke if the Midwife were put to her oath , I was wrapt in hers , oth Christing day .

But see sir , here 's Master Beere .

How , Beere ? we are not very good friends , no matter , I scorne to auoid him .

Beere-leaue sir .

So me thinkes ? how now Beere , running atilt , dost not know me ?

I doe meane to haue the wall on you .

The wall of me , you would haue your head and the wall knockt together , learne better manners , or I may chance to broach you .

Broach me , alas poore Wine , t is not your Fieri facias can make Beere afraid , thy betters know the strength of Beere . I doe not feare your high colour sir .

So , so , here will be some scuffling .

You 'le leaue your impudence , and learne to know your superiours Beere , or I may chance to haue you stopt vp . what neuer leaue working ? I am none of your fellowes .

I scorne thou shouldst .

I am a companion for Princes , the least droppe of my blood , worth all thy body . I am sent for by the Citizens , visited by the Gallants , kist by the Gentlewomen : I am their life , their Genius , the Poeticall furie , the Helicon of the Muses , of better value then Beere ; I should be sorry else .

Thou art sorie wine indeed sometimes : Value ? you are come vp of late , men pay deere for your company , and repent it : that giues you not the precedencie ; though Beere set not so great a price vpon himselfe , he meanes not to bate a graine of his worth , nor subscribe to Wine for all his braueries ,

Not to mee ?

Not to you : why whence come you pray ?

From France , from Spaine , from Greece .

Thou art a mad Greeke indeed .

Where thou must neuer hope to come : who dares denie that I haue beene a trauailer ?

A trauailer ? in a tumbrell , a little Beere will go farther : why Wine , art not thou kept vnder locke and key , confinde to some corner of a Cellar , and there indeed commonly close prisoner , vnlesse the Iaylor or Yeoman of the Bottles turne the Key for the chamber-maid now and then , for which shee vowes not to leaue him , till the last gaspe , where Beere goes abroad , and randeuous in euery place .

Thou in euery place ? away hop of my thumbe : Beere , I am a sham'd of thee .

Be asham'd of thy selfe , and blush Wine thou art no better . Beere shall haue commendations for his mildnesse and vertue , when thou art spit out of mens mouthes , & distasted : thou art an hypocrite , Wine , art all white sometimes , but more changeable then Proteus : thou wouldst take vpon thee to comfort the blood , but hast beene the cause that too many noble veines haue beene emptied : thy vertue is to betray secrets , the very preparatiue to a thousand rapes and murders , and yet thou darest stand vpon thy credit , and preferre thy selfe to Beere , that is as cleare as day .

Well said Beere , hee beares vp stiffe like a Constable . Now will I play my part with 'em both . Sir , Tn Wine This is intollerable .

The vessell of your wit leakes , Beere , why thou art drunke .

So art thou Wine , euery day i' th weeke , and art faine to be carried foorth of doores .

How sir ?

I scorne thy words , thou art base Beere : Wine is well borne , has good breeding , and bringing vp ; thou deseruest to be carted , Beere .

Suffer this , and suffer all , to him againe .

Carted ? thou would be carted thy selfe , rackt and drawne for thy basenesse , Wine . Welborne ? Did not euery man call you Bastard tother day ? borne ? ther 's no man able to beare thee much : and for breeding , I know none thou hast , vnlesse it bee Diseases .

How , diseases ? you haue beene held alwayes to bee wholsome Wine , sir .

Sirra , if I take you in hand , I shall make you smal Beere .

Take heed I doe not make Vineger of you first .

Doe , doe , make him pisse it , in my opinion sir , it were not for your honor to run away : yet Beere being a common quarreler , I feare may prooue too hard for you .

Too hard for me ? away Boy , I le be as hard as he for his hart : alas , hee 's but weake Beere , if I giue him but a tap , it shall stay him from runing out thus .

So , so , they are high enough fall too , and welcome .

Come , come , Beere , you forget how low you were tother day : prouoke mee not too much , lest I bestow a firkin on you .

Strike and thou dar'st Wine , I shall make thee answere as quicke as the obiection , and giue you a dash .

Vmh : what 's this ? it seemes there 's great difference betweene Wine and Beere . Sugar , what 's the matter ?

Oh goodman Ale , I am glad you 'r come , heare 's nothing but contention : I haue gone betwixt 'em twice or thrice , but I feare , one or both will be spilt .

What doe they contend about ?

For that , which for ought I can apprehend , belongs as much to you , as to either of them .

Hah ? to mee ? what 's that ?

Ale , by iudicious men hath been held no despicable drinke , for my owne part , t is nothing to me : you are all one to Sugar , whosoeuer be King , Sugar can be a subiect , but yet , t were fit , Ale had his measure .

Are they so proud ?

They mind not you , as if you were too vnworthy a Competitor ; See , t is come to a challenge .

No matter for protestation .

So , so , now I haue warmed Ale pretty well , I le leaue 'em : if Wine Beere and Ale agree together , would Sugar might neuer bee drunke but with Water , nor neuer helpe to preserue any thing but old women , & elder brothers .

Remember the place , and weapon .

Stay , stay , come together agen , why how now , what fight , and kill one another ?

Alas poore Beere , I account him dead already .

No sir , you may find Beere quick enough , to pierce your Hogshead . I shall remember .

But i th meane time you both forget your selues : d ee heare ? Ale is a friend to you both , let me know your difference .

Hee has disgrac'd mee .

Thou hast disgrac'd thy selfe in thy comparisons . Wine must be acknowledged the Nectar of all drinks , the prince of Liquors .

To wash Bootes .

Harke you , are you both mad ? who hath heat you , that you run ouer , do you contend for that in iustice belongs to another ? I tell you Wine and Beere , I do not rellish you , I le tell you a tale : Two spruce hot-spurre fiery gallants meeting i th streets , iustled for the wall , drew , would he been fighting : there steps mee forth a correcter of soles , an vnderlaid cobler , and cries out , Hold , hold your hands Gentlemen , are you so simple to fight for the wall ? why the wall 's my Landlords . Haue you but so much wit as to apply this , you shall neuer neede fence for the matter . Superioritie is mine , Ale is the prince of liquors , and you are both my subiects .

Wee thy Subiects ?

O base Ale .

O muddy Ale .

Leaue your railing , and attend my reasons , I claime your duties to mee , for many prerogatiues : my antiquitie , my riches , my learning , my , strength , my grauitie .

Antiquitie ? your first reason 's a very small one .

Dare any of you denie my antiquitie ? I say .

We must beare with him , t is in his Ale .

It onely pleades for mee : who hath not heard of the old Ale of England ?