WIDENER
HN NEVE 5
ADVENTURES
M. D'HARICOT
J. Storer Clouston


















SUL
TO
Drave, gailant men,


CiTURES OF
SOFER OLSTOV
Lbk !VELUX

PER AND BROTHERS
SHERS NEW YORK AND LINDON
1902


THE ADVENTURES OF
M. D’HARICOT
ନୂଟ ବୃକ୍କୁଟ ବୃୟୁ ବୃଦ୍ଭୁତ ଦୁର୍ଭୁବ ବୃତ ନର୍ଜୁନ ବୃ¥? ବୃକ୍କୁଟ ବ? ବୃକ୍କୁଟ ବୃଷ୍ଟୁନ ବୃଦ୍ଭୁତ ଦୃଷ୍ଟୁନ ସ୍ତୁତ ନୁହୃତ
2
BY
J. STORER CLOUSTON
ILLUSTRATED BY
ALBERT LEVERING
၃၃၃၃၃၃၃၃၃၄၃ ၄၃၃၃၃
HARPER AND BROTHERS
PUBLISHERS NEW YORK AND LONDON
1902


23554.1045
HARVARD COLLEGE LIBRARY
GIFT OF
EDMUND WORLEY PARKER
OCT 2. 1929
Copyright, 1902, by Harper & BROTHERS.
All rights reserved.
Published November, 1902.


THE
ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT





THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
amused. To the serious I herewith bid adieu, for
instruction, I fear, will be conspicuously absent,
unless, indeed, my follies serve as a warning.
And now without further prologue I raise the
curtain.
The first scene is a railway carriage swiftly
travelling farther and farther from the sea that
washes the dear shores of France. Look out of
the window and behold the green fields, the heavy
hedge-rows enclosing them so tightly, the trees,
not in woods, but scattered everywhere as by a
restless forester, the brick farms, the hop-fields, the
moist, vaporous atmosphere of England.
Cast your eyes within and you will see, wrapped
in an ulster of a British pattern concealing all that
is not British in his appearance, an exile from
his native land. Not to make a mystery of this
individual, you will see, indeed, myself. And I-
why did I travel thus enshrouded, why did my eye
look with melancholy upon this fertile landscape,
this strange land? There were many things fresh
and novel to stir the mind of an adventurer. The
name, the platform, the look of every station we
sped past, was a little piece of England, curious
in its way. Many memories of the people and the
places I had known in fiction should surely have
been aroused and lit my heart with some en-
thusiasm. What reason, then, for sadness?


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
I shall tell you, since the affair is now no secret,
and as it hereafter touches my narrative. I was
a Royalist, an adherent of the rightful king of
France. I am still; I boast it openly. But at
that time a demonstra-
tion had been prema-
ture, a government was
alarmed, and I had fled.
Hereafter I shall tell
you more of the secret
and formidable society
of which I was then
a young, enthusias-
tic member—the Une,
Deux, Trois League, or
U. D. T's, as we styled
ourselves in brief, the
forlorn hope of royalty
in France. At present
why did I
travel thus
it is sufficient to say enshrouded
that we had failed.
Baffled hopes, doubt as to the future, fear for
the present, were my companions; and they are
not gay, these friends.
I felt-I confess it now mirthfully enough-sus-
picious of the porter of the train, of the guard, of
the people who eyed me.
I was young, and “political offender" had a
terrible sound. The Bastile, Siberia, St. Helena;
were not these places built, created, discovered, for

ALBERT
LEVERIN


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
the sole purpose of returning white-haired, en-
feebled unfortunates to their native land, only
to find their homes dissolved, their families de-
ceased, themselves forgotten? The truth is that
I was already in mourning for myself. The pros-
pect of entering history by the martyr's postern
had seemned noble in the heat of action and the
excitement of intrigue. Now I only desired my
liberty and as little public attention as possible.
I commend this personal experience to all con-
spirators.
Such a frame of mind begets suspicions fast,
and when I found myself in the same compartment
with a young man who had already glanced at
me in the Gare du Nord, and taken a longer look
on board the steamboat, I felt, I admit, decidedly un-
comfortable. From beneath the shade of my travel-
ling-cap I eyed him for the first half-hour with a
deep distrust. Yet since he regarded me with that
total lack of interest an Englishman bestows upon
the unintroduced, and had, besides, an appearance
of honesty written on his countenance, I began
to feel somewhat ashamed of my suspicions, until
at last I even came to consider him with interest
as one type of that strange people among whom
for a longer or a shorter time I was doomed to dwell.
He differed, it is true, both from the busts of Shake-
speare and the statues of Wellington, yet he was
far from unpleasing. An athletic form, good feat-
ures, a steady, blue eye, a complexion rosy as a


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
girl's, fair hair brushed flat across his forehead,
thirty years of truth-telling, cricket-playing, and
the practice of three or four elementary ethical prin-
ciples, not to mention an excellent tailor, all went
to make this young man a refreshing and an en-
couraging spectacle.
“Bah!" I said to myself. “My friend may not
be the poet-laureate or the philanthropic M. Car-
negie, but at least he is no spy.”
By nature I am neither bashful nor immoderately
timid, and it struck me that some talk with a native
might be of service. My spirits, too, were rising
fast. The train had not yet been stopped and
searched; we were nearing the great London, where
he who seeks concealment is as one pin in a trayful;
the hour was early in the day, and the sun break-
ing out made the wet grass glisten.
Yes, it was hard to remain silent on that glori-
ous September morning, even though dark thoughts
sat upon the same cushion.
"Monsieur,” I said, "the sun is bright.”
With this remark he seemed to show his agree-
ment by a slight smile and a murmured phrase.
The smile was pleasant, and I felt encouraged to
continue.
“Yet it does not always follow that the heart is
gay. Indeed, monsieur, how often we see tears
on a June morning, and hear laughter in March!
It must have struck you often, this want of har-
mony in the world. Has it not?''


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
I had been so carried away by my thoughts
that I had failed to observe the lack of sympathy
in my fellow-traveller's countenance.
“Possibly," he remarked, dryly.
“Ah," I said, with a smile, "you do not appre-
ciate. You are English.”

"Yet, it does
not always
follow that the
heart is gay.'
"I am,” he replied. “And you are French, I
suppose?”
At his words, suspicion woke in my heart. It was
only as a Frenchman that I ran the risk of arrest.
“No; I am an American.”
This was my first attempt to disclaim my nation-
ality, and each time I denied my country I, like
St. Peter, suffered for it. Fair France, your lovers
should be true! That is the lesson.
"Indeed,” was all he said; but I now began to


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
enjoy my first experience of that disconcerting
phenomenon, the English stare. Later on I dis-
covered that this generally means nothing, and is,
in fact, merely an inherited relic of the days when
each Englishman carried his “knuckle-duster"
(a weapon used in boxing), and struck the instant
his neighbor's attention was diverted. It is thanks
to this peculiarity that they now find themselves
in possession of so large a portion of the globe,
but the surviving stare is not a reassuring spectacle.
Yet I must not let him see that I was in the slight-
est inconvenienced by his attitude. The antidote
to suspicion is candor. I was candid.
“Yes,” I said. “I am told that I do not resem-
ble an American, but my name, at least, is good
Anglo-Saxon.”
And I handed him a card prepared for such
an emergency. On it I had written, “Nelson
Bunyan, Esq." If that sounded French, then I
had studied philology in vain.
“I am a traveller in search of curios,” I added.
“And you?”
"I am not,” he replied, with a trace of a smile
and a humorous look in his blue eyes.
He was quite friendly, perfectly polite, but that
was all the information about himself I could ex-
tract—“I am not,” followed by a commonplace
concerning the weather. A singular type! Re-
pressed, self - restrained, reticent, good - humoredly
condescending in a word, British.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
We talked of various matters, and I did my best
to pick him, like his native winkle, from the shell.
Of my success here is a sample. We had (or I had)
been talking of the things that were best worth a
young man's study.
“And there is love," I said. “What a field for
inquiry, what variety of aspects, what practical
lessons to be learned !”
He smiled at my ardor.
“Have you ever been in love?" I asked.
"Possibly," he replied, carelessly.
“But devotedly, hopelessly, as a man who would
sacrifice heaven for his mistress?”.
" Haven't blown my brains out yet,” he answered.
“Ah, you have been successful; you have in-
variably brought your little affairs to a fortunate
issue?”
"I don't know that I should call myself a great
ladies' man.”
“Possibly you are engaged?” I suggested, re-
membering that I had heard that this operation
has a singularly sedative effect upon the English.
"No," he said, with an air of ending the dis-
cussion, “I am not.”
Again this “I am not,” followed by a compres-
sion of the lips and a cold glance into vacancy.
"Ah, he is a dolt; a lump of lead!” I said to my-
self, and I sighed to think of the people I was leav-
ing, the people of spirit, the people of wit. Little
did I think how my opinion of my fellow-traveller


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
would one day alter, how my heart would ex-
pand.
But now I had something else to catch my at-
tention. I looked out of the window, and, behold,
there was nothing to be seen but houses. Below
the level of the railway line was spread a sea of
dingy brick dwellings, all, save here and there a
church-tower, of one uniform height and of one
uniform ugliness. Against the houses nearest to
the railway were plastered or propped, by way of
decoration, vast colored testimonials to the soaps
and meat extracts of the country. In lines through
this prosaic landscape rose telegraph posts and
signals, and trains bustled in every direction.
“Pardon me,” I said to my companion, “but I
am new to this country. What city is this?”
“London,” said he.
London, the far-famed! So this was London.
Much need to “paint it red,” as the English say
of a frolic.
“Is it all like this?" I asked.
“Not quite,” he replied, in his good-humored tone.
“Thank God!" I exclaimed, devoutly. “I do
not like to speak disrespectfully of any British
institution, but this my faith!”
We crossed the Thames, gray and gleaming in
the sunshine, and now I am at Charing Cross.
Just as the train was slowing down I turned to
my fellow-traveller.
“ Have you been vaccinated ?" I asked.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“I have,” said he, in surprise.
You see even reticence has its limits.
"I thank you for the confidence," I replied,
gravely.
As he stood up to take his umbrella from the
rack he handed me back my card.
"I say," he abruptly remarked, in a tone, I
thought, of mingled severity and innuendo, “I
should have this legend altered, if I were you.
Good-morning."
And with that he was gone, and my doubts had
returned. He suspected something! Well, there
was nothing to be done but maintain a stout
heart and trust to fortune. And it takes much to
drive gayety from my spirits for long. I was a
fugitive, a stranger, a foreigner, but I hummed a
tune cheerfully as I waited my turn for the ordeal
of the custom-house. And here came one good
omen. My appearance was so deceptively re-
spectable, and my air so easy, that not a question
was asked me. One brief glance at my dress-
shirts and I was free to drive into the streets and
lose myself in the life of London.
Lose myself, do I say? Yes, indeed, and more
than myself, too. My friends, my interests, my
language, my home; all these were lost as utterly
as though I had dropped them overboard in the
Channel. I had not time to obtain even one single
introduction before I left, or further counsel than I
remembered from reading English books. And
10


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
I assure you it is not so easy to benefit by the ex-
periences of Mr. Pickwick and Miss Sharp as it
may seem. Stories may be true to life, but, alas!
life is not so true to stories.
Fortunately, I could talk and read English well
-even, I may say, fluently; also I had the spirit
of my race; and finally—and, perhaps, most fortu-
nately-I was not too old to learn.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter II
“In that city, sire, even the manner of
breathing was different.”
-PIZARRO.
spoleg WAS in London, the vastest collec-
se sertion of people and of houses this
sa world has ever seen; the ganglion,
se ob the museum, the axle of the English
sono state race; the cradle of much of their gen-
ius and most of their fogs; the home of Dr. John-
son, the bishops of Canterbury, the immortal Fal-
staff, the effigied Fawkes; also the headquarters
of all the profitable virtues, all the principles of
business. With an abandon and receptivity which
I am pleased to think the Creator has reserved as
a consolation for the non-English, I had hardly
been half an hour in the city before I had become
infected with something of its spirit.
“Goddam! What ho!" I said to myself, in the
English idiom. "For months, for years, forever,
perhaps, I am to live among this incomprehensi-
12


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICO1
ble people. Well, I shall strive to learn some-
thing, and, by Great Scotland! to enjoy something."
So I turned up my trousers and sallied out of my
hotel.
Ah, this was life, indeed, I had come into; not
more so than Paris, but differently so. Stolidly,
good-naturedly, and rapidly the citizens struggle
along through the crowds on the pavement. They
seem like helpless straws revolving in a whirlpool.
Yet does one of them wish to cross the street? In-
stantly a constable raises a finger, the traffic of
London is stopped, and Mr. Benjamin Bull, young-
est and least important son of John, passes un-
injured to the farther side.
“What is this street ?" I ask one of these officers,
as he stands in the midst of a crossing, signalling
which cab or dray shall pass him.
"Strand," says he, stopping five omnibuses to
give me this information.
“Where does it lead me?”
"Which way do you wish to proceed ?” he in-
quires, politely, still detaining the omnibuses.
"East," I reply, at a venture.
"First to the right, second to the left, third to
the right again, and take the blue bus as far as
the Elephant and Angel,” he answers, without
any hesitation.
"A thousand thanks,” I gasp. “I think, on the
whole, I should be safer to go westward."
He waves his hand, the omnibuses (which by
13


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
this time have accumulated to the number of
fourteen) proceed upon their journey, and I, had I
the key to the cipher, should doubtless be in pos-
session of valuable information. Such is one in-
stance of the way in which the Londoner's sub-
stitute for Providence does its business.
I shall not attempt to give at this point an ex-
haustive description of London. The mandates
of fortune sent me at different times to enjoy amus-
ing and embarrassing experiences in various
quarters of the city, and these I shall touch upon
in their places. It is sufficient to observe at pres-
ent that London is a name for many cities.
A great town, like a great man, is made up of
various characters strung together. Just as the
soldier becomes at night the lover and next morn-
ing the philosopher, so a city is on the east a
factory, on the west a palace, on the north a lodg-
ing-house. So it is with Paris, with Berlin, with
all. But London is so large, so devoid of system
in its creation and in its improvements, so various-
ly populated, that it probably exceeds any in its
variety.
No emperor or council of city fathers mapped the
streets or regulated the houses. What edifice each
man wanted that he built, guided only by the
length of his purse and the depth of his barbarism;
while the streets on which this arose is either the
same roadway as once served the Romans, or else
the speculative builder's idea of best advancing
14


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
the interests of his property. Then some day
comes a great company who wish to occupy a hun-
dred metres of frontage and direct attention to
their business. So many houses are pulled down
and replaced by an erection twice the height of
anything else, and designed, as far as possible,
to imitate the cries and costume of a bookmaker.
And all this time there are surviving, in nooks
and corners, picturesque and venerable buildings
of a by-gone age, and also, of late, are arising on
all sides worthy and dignified new piles.
So that the history of each house and each street,
the mental condition of their architects and the
financial condition of their occupants, are written
upon them plainly with a smoky finger. For you
see all this through an atmosphere whose millions
of molecules of carbon and of aqueous vapor darken
the bricks and the stones, and hang like a veil of
fine gauze before them. London is huge, but the
eternal mistiness makes it seem huger still, for
however high a building you climb, you can see
nothing but houses and yet more houses, melting
at what looks a vast distance into the blue-and-
yellow haze. Really, there may be green woods
and the fair slopes of a country-side within a few
miles, but since you cannot see them your heart
sinks, and you believe that such good things must
be many leagues below the brick horizon. More
than once upon a Sunday morning, when the air
was clear, I have been startled to see from the
15


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Strand itself a glimpse of the Surrey hills quite
near and very beautiful, and I have said, “Thank
God for this!”
TA
" I ate it till
half past two"
It was in the morning that I arrived in London,
and my first day I spent in losing my way through
the labyrinth of streets, which are set never at a
right angle to one another, and are of such different
lengths that I could scarcely persuade myself it
had not all been specially arranged to mislead me.
About one o'clock I entered a restaurant and
ordered a genuine English steak—the porter-house,
it was called. In quality, I admit this segment of
an ox was admirable; but as for its quantity-my
faith! I ate it till half-past two and scarcely had
made an impression then. Half stupefied with
this orgy, and the British beer I had taken to assist
me in the protracted effort, I returned to my hotel,
16


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and there began the journal on which these memoirs
are founded. As showing my sensations at the
time, they are now of curious interest to me. I
shall give the extract I wrote then :
"Amusing, absorbing, entertaining as a Chinese puz-
zle where all the pieces are alive; all these things is
the city of London. Why, then, has it already begun
to pall upon me? Ah, it is the loneliness of a crowd!
In Paris I can walk by the hour and never see a face I
know, and yet not feel this sense of desolation. Friends
need not be before the eye, but they must be at hand
when you wish to call them. For myself, I call them
pretty frequently, yet often can remain for a time con-
tent to merely know that they are somewhere not too far
away. But here - I may turn north, south, east, or
west, and walk as far as I like in any direction, and not
one should I find!
“Shall I ever make a friend among this old, phleg-
matic, business - like people? Some day, perhaps, an
acquaintance may be struck with some such reticent
and frigid monster as my fair-haired companion of the
journey. Would such a one console or cheer or share,
a single sentiment? Impossible! Mon Dieu! I shall
leave this town in three days; I swear it. And where
then? The devil knows!
At this point the writing of these notes was un-
expectedly interrupted, only to be resumed, as it
chanced, after some adventurous days.
A waiter entered, bearing a letter for me. I
sprang up and seized it eagerly. It was addressed
17


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
to Mr. Nelson Bunyan, Esq., and marked “Im-
mediate and confidential.” These words were
written in English and execrably misspelled.
It could come from but one source, for who else
knew my nom de plume, who else would write “Im-
mediate and confidential,” and, I grieve to say it,
who else would take their precautions in such a
way as instantly to raise suspicions? Had the
secretary of the “Une, Deux, Trois” no English
dictionary, that he need make the very waiter
stare at this very extraordinary address? I did
my best to pass it off lightly.
“From a lady," I said to the man. “One not
very well educated, perhaps; but is education all
we seek in women?”
"No, sir,” said he, replying to my glance with
insufferable familiarity, “not all by no means.
Alas that the fugitive cannot afford to take
offence!
I opened the letter, and, as I expected, it was
headed by the letters U. D. T:
“Go at once to the house of Mr. Frederick Hankey,
No. 114 or 115 George Road, Streatham. Knock thrice
on the third window, and when he comes say distinct-
ly ‘For the King.' He will give directions for your
safety.”
ly For ourd window, and when hatham, Knock thrice
This missive was only signed F. II, but, of
course, I knew the writer-our most indefatigable,
our most enthusiastic, the secretary himself.
18


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Well, here was something to be done; a friend,
perhaps, to be made; a spice of interest suddenly
thrown into this city of strangers. After my fash-
ion, my spirits rose as quickly as they had fallen.
I whistled an air, and began to think this some-
what dreary hotel not a bad place, after all. I
should only wait till darkness fell and then set out
to interview Mr. Frederick Hankey.
I whistoreary hoit till darlick Hanks


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter III
“What door will fit this key?"
-CASTILLO SOPRANI.
shape
I ate my solitary dinner before
starting upon my expedition to Mr.
en A Hankey's house, I began to think
shop - - seno less enthusiastically of the adventure.
ale spese Here was I, comfortable in my hotel,
though, I admit, rather lonely; safe, so far, and
apparently suspected by none to be other than the
blameless Bunyan. Besides, now that I could find
a friend for the seeking, my loneliness suddenly
diminished. Also I was buoyed by the thought
that I was a real adventurer, a romantic exile, as
much so, in fact, as Prince Charles of Scotland
or my own beloved king. Now I was to knock
upon the window of a house that might be either
number 114 or 115, and give myself blindfold to
strangers.
Yet on second thoughts I reflected that I knew
nothing of English laws or English ways. Was
20


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
I not in “perfidious Albion,” and might I not be
handed over to the French government in defiance
of all treaties, in order to promote the insidious
policy of Chamberlain? Yes, I should go, after
all, and I drank to the success of my adventure
in a bottle of wine that sent me forth to the
station in as gay a spirit as any gallant could
wish.
I had made cautious inquiries, asking of differ-
ent servants at the hotel, and I had little difficulty
in making my way by train as far as the suburb

Having made
cautious
inquiries -
A.
in which Mr. Hankey lived. There I encountered
the first disquieting circumstance. Inquiring of
a policeman, I found there was no such place as
George Road, but a St. George's Road was well
known to him. If F. II had been so inaccurate
21


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
in one statement, might he not be equally so in
another?
I may mention here that the name of this road
is my own invention. The mistake was a similar
one to that I have narrated. In all cases I have
altered the names of my friends and their houses,
as these events happened so recently that annoy-
ance might be caused, for the English are a reti-
cent nation, and shrink from publicity as M. Zola
did from oblivion.
Up an immensely long and very dark road I
went, studying the numbers of the houses on either
side, and here at once a fresh difficulty presented
itself. In an English suburb it is the custom to
conceal the number provided by the municipal
authorities, and decorate the gates instead with a
fanciful or high-sounding title. Thus I passed
“Blenheim Lodge,” “Strathcory," "Rhododen-
dron Grove," and many other such residences, but
only here and there could I find a number to
guide me. By counting from 84, I came at
last upon two houses standing with their gates
close together that must either be 114 and 115, or
115 and 116. I could not be sure which, nor in
either case did I know whether the one or the other
sheltered the conspiring Hankey. The gate on
the left was labelled “Chickawungaree Villa,"
that on the right "Mount Olympus House." In
the house I could see through the trees that all
was darkness, and the gate was so shabby as to
22


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT.
suggest that no one lived there. In the villa, on
the contrary, I saw two or three lighted windows.
I determined to try the villa.
The drive wound so as to encircle what appeared
in the darkness to be a tennis - court and an ar-
bor, and finally emerged through a clump of trees
before a considerable mansion. And here I was
confronted by another difficulty. My directions
said, knock upon the third window. But there
were three on either side of the front door, and then
how did I know that Hankey might not prefer me
to knock upon his back or his side windows? My
friend F. II might be a martyr and a patriot; but
business-like? No.
“Blind fortune is the goddess to-night," I said
to myself, and with that I tapped gently upon the
third window from the door counting towards the
right. I have often since consoled myself by think-
ing that I should have exhibited no greater in-
tuition had I counted towards the left.
I tap three times. No answer. Again three
times. Still no answer. It was diabolically dark,
and the trees made rustling noises very discon-
certing to the nerves of one unaccustomed to prac-
tise these preliminaries before calling upon a friend.
“The devil!” I say to myself. “This time I
shall make Mr. Hankey hear me.”
And so I knocked very sharply and loudly, so
sharply that I cracked the pane.
“Unfortunate," I thought; "but why should I
23


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
not convert Hankey's misfortune into my advan-
tage?”
With the intention of perhaps obtaining a glimpse
into the room, I pushed the pane till, with an alarm-
ing crash, a considerable portion
fell upon the gravel.
With a start I turned, and
there,approaching me from either
side, were two men. Hankey
had evidently heard me at last.
“Who are you?” said one of
them, a stout gentleman, I could
see, with a consequential voice.
I came a step towards him.
“For the King," I replied.
He seemed to be staring at
Still no answer
me.
“What the devil—?" he exclaimed, in surprise.
My heart began to sink.
“You are Mr. Hankey?" I inquired.
"I am not,” he replied, with emphasis.
Here was a delicate predicament!
But I was not yet at the end of my resources.
“May I inquire your name?" I asked, politely.
“My name is Fisher,” he said, with a greater
air of consequence than ever, but no greater friend-
liness.
“What, Fisher himself!” I exclaimed, with pre-
tended delight. “This is indeed a fortunate co-
incidence! How are you, Fisher?”.

cord
24


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
I held out my hand, but this monster of British
brutality paid no attention to my overture.
“Who are you?” he asked once more.
Not having yet made up my mind who I was, I
thought it better to temporize.
“My explanations will take a few minutes, I
am afraid," I answered. “The hour also is late.
May I call upon you in the morning ?”
"I think you had better step in and explain now,”
said Fisher, curtly.
They were two to one, and very close to me,
while I was hampered with my British ulster. I
must trust to my wits to get me safely out of this
house again.
“I shall be charmed, if I am not disturbing you."
“You are disturbing me,” said the inexorable
Fisher. “In fact, you have been causing a con-
siderable disturbance, and I should like to know
the reason.”
Under these cheerful circumstances I entered
Chickawungaree Villa, Fisher preceding me, and
the other man, whom I now saw to be his butler,
walking uncomfortably close behind.
"Step in here,” said Fisher. He showed me
into what was evidently his dining - room, and
then, after saying a few words in an undertone to
his servant, he closed the door, drew forward a
chair so as to cut off my possible line of flight, sat
upon it, and breathed heavily towards me.
Figure to yourself my situation. A large, red-
25


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
faced, gray-whiskered individual, in a black morn-
ing-coat and red slippers, staring stolidly at me
from a meat-eating eye; name Fisher, but all other
facts concerning him unknown. A stiff, unin-
habited - looking apartment of considerable size,
lit with the electric light, upholstered in light wood

"How are you
Fisher?"
A.L
and new red leather, and ornamented by a life-
sized portrait of Fisher himself, this picture being
as uncompromising and apoplectic as the original.
Finally, standing in an artificially easy attitude
before a fireplace containing a frilled arrange-
ment of pink paper, picture an exceedingly un-
comfortable Frenchman.
"You scarcely expected me?" I begin, with a
smile.
26


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"I did not,” says Fisher.
“I did not expect to see you," I continue; but to
this he makes no reply.
“I was looking for the house of Mr. Hankey."
“Were you?” says Fisher.
“Do you know him?" I ask.
"No," says Fisher.
A pause. The campaign has opened badly; no
doubt of that. I must try another move.
“You will wonder how I knew him," I say,
pleasantly.
Fisher only breathes more heavily.
“Our mutual friend, Smith,” I begin, watching
closely to see if his mind responds to this name.
I know that Smith is common in England, and
think he will surely know some one so called.
“Smith mentioned you.”
But no, there is no gleam of recognition.
“Indeed,” is all he remarks, very calmly.
There is no help for it, I must go on.
“I intended to call upon you some day this week.
I have heard you highly spoken of—The great
Fisher,' 'The famous Fisher. Indeed, sir, I assure
you, your name is a household word in Scotland."
I choose Scotland because I know its accent is
different from English. My own also is different.
Therefore I shall be Scotch. Unhappy selection!
"Do you mean to pretend you are Scotch?”
says Fisher, frowning as well as breathing at me.
I must withdraw one foot.
27


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Half Scotch, half Italian," I reply.
Ah, France, why did I deny you? I was afraid
to own you, I blush to confess it. And I was right-
eously punished.
“Italian?" says he, with more interest. “Ah,
indeed!”
He stares more intently, frowns more porten-
tously, and respires
more loudly than
ever.
“A charming
country," I say.
“No doubt,"says
Fisher.
At this moment
the door opens be-
hind him and a
Do you mean to lady appears. She
pretend you
Pare Scotch? has a puffy cheek,
a pale eye, a com-
fortable figure, a curled fringe of gray hair, and
slightly projecting teeth; in a word, the mate of
Fisher. There can be no mistake, and I am quick
to seize the chance.
“My dear Mrs. Fisher!" I exclaim, advancing
towards her.
With a movement like a hippopotamus wallow-
ing, Fisher places himself between us. Does he
think I have come to elope with her ?
I assume the indignant rôle.

28


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Mr. Fisher!” I cry, much hurt at this want of
confidence.
“Who is this gentleman?" asks Mrs. Fisher,
looking at me, I think, with a not altogether dis-
approving glance.
“Ask him," says Fisher.
"Madame," I say, with a bow, “I am an un-
fortunate stranger, come to pay my respects to
Mr. Fisher and his beautiful lady. I wish you
could explain my reception.”
"What is your name?” says Mrs. Fisher, with,
comparative graciousness, considering that she is
a bourgeois Englishwoman taken by surprise,
and fearing both to be cold to a possible man of
position and to be friendly with a possible no-
body.
A name I must have, and I must also invent it
at once, and it must be something both Scotch and
Italian. I take the first two that come into my head.
“Dugald Cellarini," I reply.
They look at one another dubiously. I must
put them at their ease at any cost.
“A fine picture,” I say, indicating the portrait
of my host, “and an excellent likeness. Do you
not think so, Mrs. Fisher?”
She looks at me as if she had a new thought.
“Are you a friend of the artist?” she asks.
“An intimate," I reply with alacrity.
“We have informed Mr. Benzine that we spe-
cially desired him not to bring any more of his
29


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Bohemian acquaintances to our house," says the
amiable lady.
I am plunging deeper into the morass! Still, I
have at last accounted for my presence.
"Mr. Benzine did not warn me of this, madame,”
I reply, coldly. “I apologize and I withdraw."
I make a step towards the door, but the large
form of Fisher still intervenes.
“Then Benzine sent you ?” he says.
“He did, though evidently under a misappre-
hension.”
“And what about Smith ?" asks Fisher, with an
approach to intelligence in his bovine eye.
“Well, what about him?" I ask, defiantly.
“Did he send you, too?”
"My reception has been such that I decline to
give any further explanations.”
“That is all very well,” says Fisher-"that is
all very well—”
He is evidently cogitating what is all very well,
when we hear heavy steps in the passage.
“They have come at last!” he exclaims, and
opens the door.
“More visitors!” I say to myself, hoping now
for a diversion. In another moment I get it. En-
ter the butler and two gigantic policemen.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter IV
"Let me out,' said the mouse, 'I do not
care for this cheese.'”
-FABLES OF LAETERTIUS.
GheorgheshshICTURE now this comedy and its
sle sactors. Fisher of the porpoise habit,
Sale P soft Mrs. Fisher of the puffy cheek, poor
ole - a Dugald Cellarini, and these two vast,
propose of a blue-coated, thief-catching “ bobbies.”
(as with kindly humor the English term their
police); all save Dugald looking terribly solemn
and important. He, poor man, strove hard to give
the affair a lighter turn, but what is one artist in
a herd of Philistines? I was not appreciated; that
is the truth. A man may defy an empire, a papal
bull, an infectious disease, but a prejudice-never!
“Constable,” says Fisher, “I have caught him.”
Both bobbies look at me with much the same
depressing glance as Fisher himself.
"Yes, sir,” says one, in what evidently was in-
tended for a tone of congratulation. “So I see.”
31


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
The other bobby evidently agrees with this sen-
timent. Wonderful unanimity! I have noticed
it in the Paris gendarmes also, the same quick
and intelligent grasp of a situation.
The latter quality was so conspicuous in my
two blue-coated friends that I named them instant-
ly Lecoq and Holmes.
Holmes speaks next, after an impressive pause.
“What's he done?”
“That is the point,” says Fisher, in a tone of
such damaging insinuation that I am spurred to
my defence.
“Exactly—what have I done?”
“He has endeavored to effect an entry into my
house by removing a pane of glass,” says Fisher.
"Pardon me; to call the attention of the servants
by rapping upon a pane of glass.”
"Come now, none of that!” says Lecoq, with
such severity that I see the situation at once. He
is jealous. I have cast an imputation on some
fair housemaid—the future Mrs. Lecoq, no doubt.
“An assignation, you think?" I ask, with a re-
assuring smile.
"Sir!” cries Mrs. Fisher, indignantly. “It was
my daughter's window you broke!”
Shall I pose as the lover of Miss Fisher? I have
heard that unmarried English girls take strange
liberties.
“Your fair daughter-" I begin.
“Is a child of fifteen,” interrupts virtuous Mrs.
32


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Fisher, “and I am certain knows nothing of this
person."
By the expression of their intelligent counte-
nances, Holmes and Lecoq show their concurrence
in this opinion.
“Confront her with me!” I demand, folding my
arms defiantly.
It has since struck me that this was a happy in-
spiration, and in the right dramatic key. Un-
fortunately, it requires an imaginative audience,
and I had two Fishers and two bobbies.
Rapidly I had calculated what would happen.
The fair and innocent maiden should be aroused
from her virgin slumbers; with dishevelled locks,
and in a long, loose, and becoming drapery of some
soft color (light blue to harmonize with her flaxen
hair, for instance), she should be led into this cham-
ber of the inquisition; then my eye should moisten,
my voice be as the lute of Apollo, and it would be a
thousand francs to a dishonored check that I should
melt her into some soft confession. Not that I
should ask her to compromise her reputation to
save me. Never, on my honor, would I permit
that. Indeed, if my plight tempted her to invent
a story she might repent of afterwards, I should
disavow it with so sincere and honest an air that
my captors would exclaim together, “We have mis-
judged him!”
No, I should merely persuade her to confess
that a not ill-looking foreigner had pursued her
33


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
with glances of chivalrous admiration for some
days past, and that from his air of hopeless passion
it was not surprising to find him to-night tapping
upon her window-pane.
Alas, that so promising a scheme should fail
through the incurable poverty of the Fisher spirit!
My demand is simply ignored.
“What acquaintance have you with my daugh-
ter?” asks Mrs. Fisher, icily.
“You will respect my confidence?" I ask, ear-
nestly.
“We shall use our discretion,” replies the virtu-
ous lady.
"Quite so; we shall use our discretion,” repeats
her unspeakable husband.
“I am satisfied with your assurance,” I say.
“The discretion of a Fisher is equivalent to the
seal of the confessional. I thank you from my
heart, and I bow to your judgment."
“What do you know of my daughter?” Mrs.
Fisher repeats, quite unmoved by my candor.
"Madame, I was about to tell you. You asked
if I was acquainted with that charming, and, I can
assure you on my honor, spotless young lady?”
"I did,” says Mrs. Fisher; “but I do not require
any remarks on her character from you, sir."
“Pardon me; they escaped me inadvertently
What I feel deeply I am tempted to say. I do not
know Miss Fisher personally. I have not yet vent-
ured to address a word to her, not so much as a
34


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
syllable, not even a whisper. My respect for her in-
nocence, for her youth, for her parents, has been too
great. But this I confess: I have for days, for
weeks, for months, followed her loved figure with the
eye of chaste devotion! On her walks abroad I have
been her silent, frequently her unseen, attendant.
Through every street in London I have followed
the divine Miss Fisher, as a sailor the polar star!
To-night, in a moment of madness, I approached
her home; I touched her window that I might after-
wards kiss the hand that had come so near her!
In my passion I touched too hard, the pane broke,
and here I stand before you!”
So completely had I been carried away on the
wings of my own fancy that once or twice in the
course of this outburst I had committed myself to
more than I had any intention of avowing. Be
emphatic but never definite, is my counsel to the
liar. But I had, unluckily, tied myself to my in-
ventions. The gestures, the intonation, the key
of sentiment were beyond criticism; but then I
was addressing Mr. and Mrs. Fisher, of Chicka-
wungaree Villa.
They glance at one another, and Lecoq glances
at them.
He, honest man, merely touches his head sig-
nificantly and winks in my direction. The Fish-
ers are not, however, content with this charitable
criticism.
“My daughter only returned from her semi-
35


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
nary in Switzerland four days ago," says Mrs.
Fisher.
"And she has never visited the streets of London
except in Mrs. Fisher's company,” adds her spouse,
with a look of what is either dull hatred or impend-
ing apoplexy.
Even at that crisis my wits did not desert me.
“My faith!” I cry, “I must be mistaken! It is
not, then, Miss Fisher whom I worship! A thou-
sand pardons, sir, and I beg of you to convey them
to the lady whom I disturbed under a misappre-
hension!”
At this there is a pause, nobody volunteering to
run with this message to the bedside of Miss Fisher,
though I glance pointedly at Holmes, and even
make the money in my pocket jingle. At last
comes a sound of stifled air trying to force a passage
through something dense. It proceeds, I notice,
from my friend Fisher. Then it becomes a more
articulate though scarcely less disagreeable noise.
"I do not believe a word you say, sir!” he booms.
“My friend, you are an agnostic,” I reply, with
a smile.
Fisher only breathes with more apparent diffi-
culty than ever. He is evidently going to deal a
heavy blow this time. It falls.
"I charge this person with being concerned in
the burglary at Mrs. Thompson's house last night,
and with trying to burgle mine,” says he.
He pauses, and then delivers another:
36


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“He has confessed to being an Italian."
The constables prick up their ears.
“The organ - grinder!” exclaims Holmes, with
more excitement than I had thought him capable of.
“The man as made the butler drunk and gagged
the cook!" cries Lecoq.
Here is a fine situation for a political fugitive!
I am indignant. I am pathetic. No use. I ex-
plain frankly that I came to see Mr. Hankey. That
only deepens suspicion, for it seems that the excel-
lent Hankey inhabited Mount Olympus House next
door for only three weeks, and departed a month
ago without either paying his rent or explaining
the odor of dead bodies proceeding from his cellars.
Doubtless my French friends had acted for the
best in sending me to him, but would that he had
taken the trouble to inform them of his change of
address! And then, why had I ever thought of
being an Italian? It appeared now that a gentle-
man of that nationality, having won the confidence
of the Thompson children and the Thompson ser-
vants by his skill upon the hand-organ, had basely
misused it in the fashion indicated by Lecoq. Cer-
tainly it was hard to see why such a skilled artist
should have returned the very next night to a house
three doors away, and then bungled his business
so shamefully; but that argument is beyond the
imagination of my hobbies. In fact, they seem
only too pleased to find a thief so ready to meet
them half-way.
37


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“ Thank you, sir,” says Holmes, at the conclu-
sion of the painful scene. “We shouldn't mind
a drop.”
This means that they are about to be rewarded
for their share in the capture by a glass of Fisher's
ale. And I? Well, I am not to have any ale,
but I am to accompany them to the cells, and next
morning make my appearance before the magis-
trate on one charge of burglary and another of
attempted burglary.
I cannot resist one parting shot at my late host.
“Yes, Fisher,” I remark, critically, showing no
hurry to leave the room, “I like that portrait of
you. It has all your plain, well-fed, plum-pudding
appearance, without your unpleasant manner of
breathing and your ridiculous conversation and
it is not married to Mrs. Fisher."
To this there is no reply. Indeed, I do not think
they recovered their senses for at least ten min-
utes after I left the room.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter V
“ The comedy of the law is probably the
chief diversion of the angels.”
-LA RABIDE.
Seoupalpabzaf VER the rest of that night I shall
spe s e draw a veil. I was taken to New-
son 0 o gate, immured in the condemned cell,
and left to my reflections. They were
person sombre enough, I assure you. Young,
ambitious, ardent, I sat there in that foreign prison,
without a friend, without a hope. If I state the
truth about myself, this excuse will be seized for
sending me back to France. And what then?
Another prison! If I keep my identity concealed,
how shall I prove that I am not the burgling
musician?
As you can well imagine, I slept little and
dreamed much. I was only thankful I had no
parents to mourn my loss, for by this time I had
quite made up my mind that the organ-grinder's
antecedents would certainly hang me.
39


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
I cursed Fisher, I cursed the League, I cursed
F. II, that indefatigable conspirator who had
dragged me from a comfortable hotel and a safe
alias to—what? The scaffold; ah, yes, the scaf-
fold!
It may sound amusing now, when I am still un-
hanged; but it was far from amusing then, I assure
you.
Well, the morning broke at last, and I was led,
strongly escorted by the twins Lecoq and Holmes,
towards the venerable law-court at Westminster.
I recognized the judge, the jury, the witnesses,
and the counsel, though my thoughts were too
engrossed to take a careful note of these. In
fact, in writing this account I am to some ex-
tent dependent on reports of other trials. They
are all much the same, I understand, differ-
ing chiefly as one or more judges sit upon the
bench.
In this case there was only one, a little gentle-
man with a shrewd eye and a dry voice-a typical
hanging judge, I said to myself. I prepared for
the worst.
First comes the formal accusation. I, giving
the name of Dugald Cellarini, am a blood-thirsty
burglar. Such, in brief, is the charge, although
its deadly significance is partly obscured by the
discreet phraseology of the law.
Then my friend Holmes enters the box, stiff
and evidently nervous, and in a halting voice and
40


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
incoherent manner (which in France would in-
evitably have led to his being placed in the dock
himself) he describes the clever way I was caught
by himself and the astute Lecoq. So mislead-
ing is his account of my guilty demeanor and
suspicious conduct, that I instantly resolve to
cross-examine him. Politely but firmly I re-
quest the judge's permission. It is granted, and
I can see there is a stir of excitement in the
court.
“Did I struggle with you?" I ask.
Holmes, turning redder than ever, admits that
I did not.
“Did I knock you down? Did I seek to escape?”
No, Holmes was not knocked down, nor had I
tried to escape from the representatives of the law.
“And why, if I was a burglar, did I not do these
things?”
“You wasn't big enough,” says Holmes.
Well, I admit he had the advantage of me there.
The court, prejudiced against me as they were,
laughed with Holmes, but at the next bout I re-
turned his lunge with interest.
“What did Fisher give you to drink?" I ask.
The question is dismissed by my vindictive
judge as irrelevant, but I have thrown Holmes
into great confusion and made the court smile
with me.
“That is all,” I say, in the tone of a conqueror,
and thereupon Lecoq takes the place of Holmes,


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and in precisely the same manner, and with the
same criminal look of abasement, repeats almost
exactly the same words.
Against him I design a different line of counter-
attack. I remember his jealousy when I spoke of
the servants, and, if possible, I shall discredit his
testimony by an assault upon his character. As-
suming an encouraging air, I ask:
“You know the servants at Fisher's house?”
He stammers, “Yes.”
“With one in particular you are well acquaint-
ed?"
He looks at the judge for protection, but so little
is my line of attack suspected that the judge only
gazes at us in rapt attention.
"I do,” says Lecoq, after a horribly incrimi-
nating pause.
"Now tell me this,” I demand, sternly. “Have
you always behaved towards her as an honorable
policeman?”
Would you believe it? This question also is
disallowed! But I think I have damaged Lecoq
all the same.
Next comes Fisher, red - faced, more pompous
than ever, and inspired, I can see, with vindictive
hatred towards myself. It appears that he is a
London merchant; that his daughter heard a tap-
ping on her window and called her father; that he
and his servant caught me in the act of entering
the chaste bedchamber through a broken window.
42


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
At this point I ask if I may put a question. The
judge says yes.
“How much glass fell out?” I ask.
“Half a pane,” says he.
“And the rest stayed in?”
He has to admit that it did; very ungraciously,
however.
“How many panes to the window?"
He cannot answer this; but the judge, much to
my surprise, comes to the rescue and elicits the
fact that there are six.
“How far had I gone through a twelfth of your
window?" I ask.
His face gets redder, and there is a laugh through
the court. I feel that I have “scored a try,” as
they say, and my spirits begin to rise again.
But, alas! they are soon damped. Mrs. Thomp-
son's butler steps into the witness-box, and a more
shameless liar I have never heard. Yes, he re-
members an organ-grinder coming to the house
on various occasions during the past fortnight.
Here I interpose.
“What did he play?" I ask.
“Not being interested in such kinds of music,
I cannot say.”
“Possibly you have a poor ear?” I suggest.
“My ear is as right as some people's, but it has
not been accustomed to the hand-organ,” says
the butler, with a magnificence that seems to im-
press even the judge.
43


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“You should have it boxed, my friend,” I cannot
help retorting, though I fear this does not meet the
unqualified approval of the judge.
Next he is asked for an account of his dealings
with the musician when that gentleman visited the
kitchen upon the night of the burglary, and it ap-
pears that, shortly after the grinder's departure,
he lost consciousness with a completeness and
rapidity that can only have been caused by some
insidious drug surreptitiously introduced into the
glass of beer he happened to be finishing at that
moment. He scorns the insinuation (made by
myself) that he and the musician were drinking
together; he would not so far demean himself.
That outcast did, however, on one occasion, ap-
proach suspiciously near his half-empty glass.
"Well,” I remark, with a smile, “the moral is
that next time you should provide your guests
with glasses of their own.”
Again I score, but quickly he has his revenge.
Does he recognize me as the organ-grinder? he is
asked. He is not sure of the face, not taking par-
ticular notice of persons of that description, but,
he is ready to swear to my voice!
It seems, then, that I have the same accent as
an Italian organ-grinder! I bow ironically, but the
sarcasm, I fear, is lost.
“What is so distinctive about this voice I share
with your Italian boon companion?" I inquire,
suavely.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
He evidently dislikes the innuendo, but, in the
presence of so many of his betters, decides to re-
taliate only by counter - sarcasm. “It's what I
call an unedicated voice," says he.
"Uneducated Italian or uneducated English ?''
I inquire.
"Italian,” he replies, with the most consum-
mate assurance.
“You know Italian?”
“Having travelled in Italy, I am not altogether
unfamiliar," he answers.
I then put to him a simple Italian sentence.
“What does that mean, and is it educated or un-
educated ?" I ask.
"It means something that I should not care for
his lordship to hear, and is the remark of a thor-
oughly uneducated person,” he retorts.
The court roars, and some even cheer the wit-
ness. For myself, I am compelled to join the
laughter—the impudence is so colossal.
“My lord,” I say to the judge,“this distinguished
scholar has so delicate a mind that I should only
scandalize him by asking further questions.”
So the butler retires with such an air of self-
satisfaction that I could have shot him, and the
gagged cook takes his place.
This young woman is not ill-looking, and is
very abashed at having to make this public ap-
pearance. It appears that her glimpse of the
burglar was brief, as with commendable prudence
45


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
he rapidly fastened her night-shift over her head,
but in that glimpse she recognized my mustache!
“Could she tell how it felt?” I ask.
The point is appreciated by the court, though
not, I fear, by the judge, who looks at me as though
calculating the drop he should allow. Yes, it is
all very well to jest about my mustache, but to be
hanged by it, that is a different affair. And the
case is very black against me.
“Has the prisoner any witnesses to call?” asks
the judge.
"No," I reply, “but I shall make you a speech."
And thereupon I delight them with the follow-
ing oration, an oration which should have gone
on much longer than it did but for a most unfore-
seen interruption.
“My lord, the jury, and my peers,” I begin-re-
membering so much from my historical stories-
“I am entirely guiltless of this extraordinary and
infamous charge. No one but such a man as
Fisher would have brought it!” (Here I point
my finger at the unhappy tenant of Chickawun-
garee.] “No one else of the brave English would
have stooped to injure an innocent and defenceless
stranger! As to the butler and the cook, you have
seen their untruthful faces, you have heard their
incredible testimony. I say no more regarding
them. The policemen have only shown that they
found me an unwilling and insulted—though in-
vited-guest of the perfidious Fisher. What harm,
46


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
then? Have you never been the unwilling guests
of a distasteful host?
“Who am I? Why did I visit such a person as
Fisher? I shall tell you. I am a French subject,
a traveller in England. Only yesterday I arrived in
London. How can I, then, have burgled Madame
Thompson? Impossible! Absurd! I had not set
my foot upon the shores of England—”
At this point the judge, in his dry voice, inter-
rupts me to ask if I can bring any witnesses to
prove this assertion.
“Witnesses ?” I exclaim, not knowing what the
devil to add to this dramatic cry, when, behold!
I see, sent by Providence, a young man rising from
his seat in the court. It is my fair-haired fellow-
passenger!
“May I give evidence?” says he.
“Though your name be Iscariot, yes!” I cry.
The judge frowns, for it seems the demand was
addressed to him and not to me; but he permits
my acquaintance to enter the box. And now a
doubt assails me. What will he say? Add still
more damaging testimony, or prove that I am
the harmless Bunyan?
He does neither, but in a very composed and
assured fashion, that carries conviction with it,
he tells the judge that he travelled with me from
Paris on the very night of the crime, adding that I
had appeared to him a very harmless though some-
what eccentric person. Not the adjectives I should
47


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
have chosen myself, perhaps; but, I assure you, I
should have let him call me vulgar or dirty with-
out a word of protest.
Of course it follows that I cannot be the musical
burglar, while as for my friend Fisher, that worthy
gentleman is so disconcerted at the turn things
have taken that he seems as anxious to withdraw
his share of the charge as he was to make it.
I am saved; the case breaks down.
“How's that?” says the judge.
"Guiltless!” cries the jury.
And so I am a free man once more, and the cook
must swear to another mustache.
The first thing I do is to seize my witness and
drag him from the court, repeating my thanks all
the while.
“But how did you come to be in court?” I ask.
"Oh, I happen to be a barrister,” he explains.
"I came in about another case, and, finding you'd
been burgling, I thought I'd stay and see the fun.”
“Your case must take care of itself; come and
lunch with me.”
Yes, he can escape. His case will not come on
to-day, as mine has taken so long; and so we go
forth together to begin a friendship that I trust
may always endure.
And to this day I have never paid for Fisher's
broken pane of glass.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
C bapter VI
“On earth men style him Richard,'
But the gods hail him ‘Dick !'”
-AN ENGLISH Poet (ADAPTED).
N
se
FRIEND in need,” say the English,
se u sao" is a friend indeed.” And who could
A se be more in need of a friend than I at
on that moment? It was like the roll-
sklepas mengapa ing up of London fog-banks and the
smile of the sun peeping through at last. No
longer was I quite alone in my exile. If you have
ever wandered solitary through an unknown city,
listened to a foreign tongue and to none other,
eaten alien viands, fallen into strange misadvent-
ures, and all without a single friendly ear to
confide your troubles to, you will sympathize with
the joyous swelling of my heart as I faced my
barrister at that luncheon.
And he, I assure you, was a very other person
from the indifferent Englishman of the journey.
The good heart was showing through, still ob-
49


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
scured as it was by the self-contained manner and
the remnants of that suspicion with which every
Briton is taught to regard the insinuating Euro-
pean.
I have already given you a sketch of his exterior
-the smooth, fair hair, the ruddy cheek, the clear
eye, and, I should add, the compressed and resolute
mouth; also, not least, the admirable fit of his gar-
ments. Now I can fill in the picture: Name, to
begin with, Richard Shafthead; younger son of
honest, conservative baronet; eldest brother pro-
vided with an income, I gather, Dick with injunc-
tions to earn one. Hence attendance at courts
of justice, a respectable gravity of apparel, and
that compression of the lips. In speech, courteous
upon a slight acquaintance, though without any
excessive anxiety to please; on greater intimacy,
very much to the point without regarding much
the susceptibilities of his audience. Yet this blunt-
ness was, tempered always by good - fellowship,
and sometimes by a smile; and beneath it flowed,
deep down, and scarcely ever bubbling into the
light of day, a stream of sentiment that linked him
with the poetry of his race. My friend Shafthead
would have laughed outright had you told him
this. Nevertheless this secret is the skeleton in
the respectable English cupboard. Your John
Bull is an edifice of sentiment jealously covered
by a hoarding on which are displayed advertise-
ments of pills and other practical commodities. It
50


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
is his one fear lest any one should discover this
preposterous and hideous erection is not the real
building.
Dick's only comment on the above statement
would probably be that I had mixed my metaphors
or had exceeded at lunch. But he is shrewd enough
to know in his heart that I have but spoken the
truth, even though my metaphors were as hetero-
geneous as the ark of Noah. How else can you
explain the astonishing contrast between those
who write the songs of England and those whose
industry enables them to recompense the singers ?
No doubt there is a noticeable difference between
the poet and the people in every land and every
race, but in England it is so staggering. The
hair of the English poet is so very long, his eye so
very frenzied, his voice so steeped in emotion, so
buoyed by melody. Even his prose appeals to the
heart rather than to the head. Thackeray weeps
as he writes of good women; Scott blushes as he
writes of bad. No one is cynical but the villains.
The heroines are all pure as the best cocoa.
Then look at the check suits and the stony eyes
of Mr. Cook's protégées. Do they understand
what Tennyson has written for them? If not,
why do they pay for it?
John Bull and John Milton ; William Bull and
William Shakespeare; Lord Bull and Lord Byron;
Charles Bull and Charles Dickens; how are these
couples related ? By this religious, moral, senti-
51


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
mental stream; welling in one, hidden in another
under ten tons of shyness and roast beef; a torrent
here, a trickle there, sometimes almost dry in a
dusty season. That is how.
Does Dick again recommend teetotalism as a
cure for these speculations? Come with me to
your rooms, my friend, and let us glance through
your library.
I take up a volume of Shakespeare and find it
contains the sonnets.
"Ah, Shakespeare's sonnets," I say, with an air
of patronage towards that eminent poet. “You
know them ?”
“Used to know 'em a little.” He is giving me
another taste of that characteristic British stare.
Evidently he is offended by my tone, and will fall
an easy victim to my next move.
“They are much overrated,” I say, putting the
book away.
“You should write to the Times about it,” he
replies, sarcastically, and then adds, with convic-
tion,“ They are about the finest things in English.”
“Yet no Englishman reads them," I remark,
lightly.
"I used to know half a dozen of 'em by heart,"
he retorts.
Half a dozen of those miracles of sensuous dic-
tion off by heart! Prosaic Briton! I do not say
this aloud, but take next the songs of Kipling, and
profess not to understand one of them. To con-
52


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
vince me it is not mere nonsense, he reads and ex-
pounds.
He has been round the world, and shot wild
beasts on the veldt and in the jungle, and can ex-
plain allusions and share exotic sentiments.
Is this man mere plum-pudding and international
perfidy, who feels thus the glamour of the song?
"Ah, here is a novel of Zolal” I exclaim. “You
enjoy him, of course?”'
"A filthy brute,” says Dick. “I read half of
that, and I am keeping it now for shaving-papers."
There is perhaps more strength of conviction
than critical judgment in this comment. I might
retort that all the water in the world neither has
been passed through a filter nor foams over a fall,
and that the pond and the gutter have their purpose
in the world. I do not make this reply, however;
I merely note that a strong sentiment must underlie
a strong prejudice.
As you will perhaps have gathered, my good
Dick had his limitations. He could be sympa-
thetic; if, for instance, he were to see me insult-
ed, beaten, robbed of my purse and my mistress,
and blinded in one eye, he would, I am sure, feel
for me deeply, and show himself most tactful in
his consolation. But it would require some such
well-marked instance to open the gates of his heart;
and in minor matters I should not dream of apply-
ing to him, unless, indeed, it was a practical service
he could perform.
53


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
He himself had held his peace and confided in
no one when his fair cousin married the wealthy
manufacturer of soda - water, and his heart had
long since healed. In the days of his wild oats,
when duns were knocking at his door, he had re-
tired from St. James Street to a modest apartment
in the Temple, sold such of his effects as were mar-
ketable, and philosophically sought a cheap res-
taurant and a coarser tobacco. His debts were
now paid and all was well again. When he did
not get the degree he was expected to at Oxford,
he may have said “ damn,” but I doubt if he en-
larged on this observation. What did that disap-
pointment matter to-day? Then why should other
people make a fuss if they were hurt?
Yet his heart was as a child's if you could ex-
tract it from its wrappings of tin-foil and brown
paper, and I am happy I knew him long enough
to see him “play the fool,” as he would term it.
On that first afternoon of our acquaintance I
found him courteous before lunch, genial after (I
took care to “make him proud.” as the English
say). I was perfectly frank; told him my true
name, the plot that had miscarried, my flight to
England-everything.
“I am not Bunyan, I am not even Cellarini,
but merely Augustine d'Haricot, eternally at your
service,” I said. “You have saved me from prison,
perhaps from the scaffold.”
He laughed.
54


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"It wouldn't have been as bad as that, but I'm
glad to have been of any use.”
And then changing the subject, as an English-
man does when complimented (for they hold that
either you lie and are a knave, or tell the truth and
are a fool), he asked:
“What are you going to do now?”'
“That depends upon your advice," I replied.
“What is my danger? How wise is it to move
freely in this country?”
“There is no danger at all if it is only a politi-
cal offence,” he answered. “Unless you've been
picking pockets, or anything else as well.”
I answered him I had not, and he promised to
inquire into the case and give me a full assurance
on the next morning.
“And now," I said, “ tell me, my friend, how to
live as an Englishman. I do not mean to adopt
the English mind, the English sentiment, but only
to move in your world, so long as I must live in
it. I want to see, I want to hear, I want to re-
cord my impressions and my adventures. As the
time is not ripe to wield the sword, I shall wield
the eyes and the pen. Also, I shall doubtless fall
in love, and I should like to hunt a fox and shoot
a pheasant.”
We laughed together at this programme; in
brief, we made a good beginning.
That afternoon we set out together to look for
suitable apartments for myself, and by a happy
55


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Devilish glad to hear it. I say, Dick, you remem-
ber that girl I told you of? Well, it's just as I said.
I knew, damn it all. What do you want to give?”
(This to me.) “You don't care much? That
simplifies matters."
In this strain Mr. Lumme entertained us on our
way, Shafthead regarding him with a half-amused,
half - sardonic grin, of which his relative seemed
entirely oblivious, while I enjoyed myself amaz-
ingly. I felt like Captain Cook on the gallant
Marchand palavering with the chiefs of some
equatorial state.
“I demand a cold bath and an English servant,”
I said. “Anything else characteristic you can
add, but those are essential.”
I do not know whether Lumme quite understood
this to be a jest. He took me to three sets of apart-
ments, and at each
asked first to be
& cold bath and
shown the bath-
room, and then the
servant, after which
he inquired the price,
and whether a ten-
ant was at liberty to
introduce any guest
at any hour.
Finally, to end the story of that day, which began
in jail and ended so merrily, I found myself the
tenant of a highly comfortable set of apartments,

an English
Servant...
57


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
with everything but the valet supplied at an as-
tonishingly high price.
“However," I said to myself, “it may be ex-
pensive, but it is better than ten years' transporta-
tion for burgling Fisher!”


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter VII
“Little, cheerful, and honest-do you not
know the species?"
-KOVALEFFSKI.
als HAD left my hotel and settled in my
se apartments; the labels with “Nelson
son / San Bunyan” were removed from my lug-
un - gage; I had been assured that so
skapar en long as I remained on English soil I
was safe. Next thing I must find a servant; one
who should “know the ropes” of an English life.
Lumme had promised to make inquiries for me,
and I had impressed upon him that the following
things were essential-in fact, I declared that with-
out them I should never entertain an application
for one instant. First, he must be of such an ap-
pearance as would do me credit, whether equipped
in the livery I had already designed for him, in the
cast-off suits I should provide him with, or in the
guise of an attendant at the chase or upon the
moors. Then, that he must be honest enough to
59


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
trust in the room with a handful of mixed change,
sober enough to leave alone with a decanter, dis-
cerning enough to arrange an odd lot of sixteen
boots into eight pairs, cleanly enough to pack col-
lars without soiling them. Finally, he must be
polite, obliging, industrious, discreet, and, if pos-
sible, a little religious—not sufficiently so to crit-
icise my conduct, but enough to regulate his
own.
I wrote this list down and handed it to the oblig-
ing Teddy.
“You will procure him by this afternoon ?" I
said.
"I know a man who keeps a Methodist footman
in his separate establishment,” answered Lumme,
after a moment's reflection. “That's the kind of
article you require, I suppose. If you get 'em too
moral there's apt to be a screw loose somewhere,
and if you get 'em the other way the spoons go.
Well, I can't promise, but I'll do my best.”
So this amiable young man departed, and I, to
pass the time, walked into Piccadilly, and there
took my seat once more upon the top of an omnibus
to enjoy the sunshine, and be for a time a spectator
of the life in the streets. To obtain a better view
I sat down on the front bench close to the driver's
elbow, and we had not gone very far before this
individual turned to me and remarked with a cor-
diality that pleased me infinitely, and a perspi-
cacity that astonished me:
60


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Been long in London, sir?”
“You perceive that I am a stranger, then?'' I
asked.
"Well," said the man, as he cracked his whip
and drove his lumbering coach straight at an ori-
fice between two cabs just wide enough, it seemed
to me, for a wheelbarrow, "I'm a observer, I am.
When I sees that speckled tie droopin' from a collar
of unknown horigin, and them rum kind of boots,
I says to myself a Rooshian, for 'alf a sovereign.
Come from Rooshia, sir?”
The man's naïveté delighted me.
“I belong to an allied power," I replied, won-
dering if his powers of observation would enable
him to decide my nationality now.
He seemed to debate the question as, with an
apropos greeting to each cabman, his 'bus bumped
them to the side and sailed down the middle of the
street.
“Native o' Manchuria, perhaps?” he hazarded.
“Not quite; try again.”
“Siberia ?” he suggested next.
Seeing that either his imagination or my ap-
pearance confined his speculations to Asia, I told
him forthwith that I was French.
“French ?” he said. “Well, now I'm surprised
to 'ear it, sir. If you'll excuse me saying so, you
don't look like no Frenchman."
“Why not?" I asked.
"I always thought they was little chaps, no
6


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
bigger than a monkey. Why, you're quite as
tall as most Englishmen.”
Considering that my friend could not possibly
have measured more than five feet, two inches, and
that I am five feet, nine inches, in my socks, I was
highly diverted by this.
"Have you seen many Frenchmen?''I asked him.
"I knew one once,” he replied, after a minute
or two's thought, and a brief interruption to invite
some ladies on the pavement to enter his 'bus.
“'E was a waiter at the Bull's 'Ead, 'Ighbury. I
drove a 'bus that way then, and there was a young
lady served in the bar 'im and me was both sweet
on. Nasty, greasy little man 'e was- meaning
no reflection on you, sir. They couldn't make out
where the fresh butter went, and when 'e left-
which 'e 'ad to for kissing the missis when she
wasn't 'erself, 'aving 'ad a drop more than 'er
usual-do you know what they found, sir?"
I confessed my inability to guess this secret.
“Why, 'e'd put it all on 'is beastly ’air, two
pounds a week, sir, of the very best fresh butter
in 'Ighbury. Perhaps, sir, I've been prejudiced
against Frenchmen in consequence.”
I admitted that he had every excuse, and asked
him whether my buttered compatriot had won
the maiden's affections in addition to his other
offences.
“No, sir," said he, “I'm 'appy to say she 'ad
more sense. More sense than to take either of
62


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
us,” he added, with a deep sigh, and then, as if
to quench melancholy reflections, hailed another
driver who was passing us in the most hilarious
fashion.
“ 'Old your 'at on, ole man!” he shouted.
“Them opera-'ats is getting scarce, you know!"
The other driver,
a bottle-nosed man,
" When she wasnt'erself,“
redeemed only from
unusual shabbiness
by the head - gear
in question, winked,
leered, and made
some reply about
“not 'aving such a
fat head underneath
it as some people.”
My friend turned to me with a confidential air.
“You saw that gentleman as I addressed ?” he
said, in an impressive voice. “Well, that man
was driving 'is own kerridge not five years ago.
On the Stock Exchange 'e was, and worth ten
thousand a year if 'e was worth a penny; 'ouse
in Park Lane, and married to the daughter of a
baronite. 'E's told me all that 'isself, so it's true
and no 'umbug.
“ 'Ow did 'e lose 'is money? Hunfortunit specu-
lations and consols goin' down; but you, being a
furriner, won't likely understand.”
Looking as unsophisticated as possible, I pressed

63


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
my friend for an explanation of these mys-
teries.
"Well,” said he, “it's something like this: If
you goes on the Stock Exchange you buys what
they calls consols—that's stocks and shares of va-
rious sorts and kinds,
but principally mines
in Australia, and in-
ventions for to make
things different from
what they is at pres-
ent. That's what's
called makin' a cor-
ner, which ain't a cor-
ner exactly in the
usual sense — not as
used in England,
that's to say, but a
'Ighbory
kind o’ American va-
riety.
“What, 0 Bill!
Bloomin', thank you. 'Ow's yourself?” (This to
another driver passed upon the road.)
"As I was sayin', sir, this 'ere pore friend o'
mine speculated in consols, and prices being what
they calls up, and then shiftin', he loses and the
bank wins. Inside o'twenty-four hours that there
gentleman was changed from one of the richest
men in the city into a pore cove a-looking out for
a job like you and me."

" the very
best fresh
butter in


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“And he chose driving an omnibus?" I asked.
“ 'Adn't got no choice. He was too much of a
gentleman to sink to a ordinary perfession, and
drivin' a pair o'’orses seems to 'im more in keepin'
with 'is position than drivin' one 'orse in a cab,
which was the only thing left."
He paused, and then shaking his head with an
air of sentiment, continued :
"Wunderful 'ow sensitive he is, sir. He wouldn't
part with that there hopera-'at, not if you give
him five 'undred pounds; yet he can't a-bear to
’ear it chipped, not except in a kind o’delicate way,
same as I did just now. You 'eard me, sir? 'Hop
era-'ats is scarce,' says I; but I dursn't sail closer
to the wind nor that. 'E'd say, ' 'Old your jaw,
Halfred,' or words to that effec', quick enough.
Comes o’ being bred too fine for the job, I tells
'im often; I says it to 'im straight, sir. Comes
o' being bred too fine for the job,' says I.”
At this point my friend's attention was called
from the romantic history of his fellow-driver to
the exigencies of their common profession, and I
had an opportunity of studying more attentively
this entertaining specimen of the cockney.
He was, as I have said, a very short man, from
thirty to thirty-five years of age, I judged, red-
cheeked and snub-nosed, with a bright, cheerful
eye, and the most friendly and patronizing manner.
Yet he was perfectly respectful and civil, despite
his knowledge of my unfortunate nationality. In
.65


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
fact, it seemed his object to place me as far as possi-
ble at my ease, and enable me to forget for a space
the blot upon my origin.
“There's some quite clever Frenchmen, I've
’eard tell,” he said, presently. “That there 'idro-
phobia man—and Napoleon Bonyparty, in his
way, too, I suppose, though we don't think so
much of 'im over 'ere."
"I am sorry to hear that,” I said.
“Well, sir," he explained, "we believes in a
man 'aving his fair share of what's goin'. Like
as if me and a friend goes inter a public ’ouse, and ,
another gentleman he comes in and he says,
'What's it going to be this time?' or, ‘Name your
gargle, gents,' or words to some such effec’; and
we says, 'Right you are, old man,' and 'as a drink
at his expense. Now it wouldn't be fair if I says
to the young lady, 'I'll ’ave a 'ole bottle of Scotch
whiskey, miss, and what I can't drink I'll take
'ome in a noospaper,' and I leaves 'im to pay
for all that; would it, sir? Well, that's what
Bonyparty done; 'e tried to get more nor his
share o’ what was goin' in Europe. Not that it
affec's us much, we being able to take care of our-
selves, but we don't like to see it, sir. That's 'ow
it is."
All this time we had been going eastward into
the city of London, and now we were arrived at
the most extraordinary scene of confusion you can
possibly imagine. I should be afraid to say how
66


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
many 'buses and cabs were struggling and surg-
ing in a small open space at the junction of several
streets. Foot - passengers in hundreds bustled
along the pavements or dodged between the
horses, and, immobile in the midst of it, the
inevitable policeman appeared actually to be sift-
ing this mob according to some mysterious
scheme.
"Cheer-O!” cried my friend upon the box. “ 'Ow's
the price o lime-juice this morning?
“That there's wot we calls the Bank, sir, where
the Queen keeps 'er money, and the Rothschilds
and the like o' them; guarded by seven 'undred of
the flower o' the British army, it is, the hofficer
bein' hinvariably a millionaire hisself, in case he's
tempted to steal. Garn yerself and git yer face
syringed with a fire-'ose. You can't clean it no 'ow
else. The 'andsome hedifice to your right, sir, is
the Mansion 'Ouse; not the station of that name,
but the 'ome of the Lord Mayor; kind o governor
of the city, 'e is; 'as a hextraordinary show of 'is
own on taking the hoath of hoffice; people comes
all the way from Halgiers and San Francisco to
see it; camels and 'orses got up like chargers of
the holden time, and men disguised so as their
own girls wouldn't know 'em. Representing harts,
hindustries, and hempire, that's their game. Pleece-
man, them there bloomin' whiskers of yours will
get mowed off by a four-wheel cab some day, and
then 'ow'll you look? Too bloomin' funny, am I?
67


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
More’n them whiskers is, hinterfering with the
traffic like that.
“Yes, sir, we 'as a rest 'ere for a few minutes;
we ain't near at the end yet, though."
I shall leave it to your judgment to guess which
of these remarks were addressed to me and which
to various of his
then 'ow 'll countrymen in this
you look ?"
vortex of wheels and
human beings. For
a few minutes he
now sat at ease
in a quieter street
(though, my faith!
no street in this city
of London but would
seem busy in most towns), apparently deliberating
what topic to enter upon next. I say apparent-
ly deliberating, but on further acquaintance with
my good “Halfred,” as he called himself (the as-
pirated form of “Alfred” used by the cockney;
Alfred being the name of England's famous mon-
arch), I came to the conclusion that his mind never
was known to go through any such process. What
came first into his head flew straight to his tongue,
till by constant use that organ had got into a
state of unstable equilibrium, like the tongue of a
toy mandarin, that oscillates for five minutes if
you move him ever so gently.
In a word, Halfred was an inveterate chatterbox.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Even had I been that very compatriot of mine
who had so deeply, and, I could not but admit, so
justly, roused his ire, he would, I am sure, have
chattered just as hard.
By the time we were under way again and thread-
ing the eastern alleys of the city-for they are
called streets only by courtesy-his tongue had
started too, and he was talking just as hard as
ever. Now, however, his conversation took a
more reminiscent and a more personal turn, and
this led to such sweeping consequences that I shall
keep the last half of our journey together for a
separate chapter.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter VIII
“Your valet? Pardon; I thought he had
come to measure the gas !
-HERCULE D'ENVILLE,
Alabama UT of the limits of this city of Lon-
sobre o don we drove into the beginnings of
se o so the east. Not the Orient of the poet
salam v e and the traveller, the land of the
so thousand - and - one nights, but the
miles and miles of brick where some millions of
Londoners pass an existence that ages me to think
of. Picture to yourself a life more desolate of
joys than the Arctic, more crowded with fellow-
animals than any ant-heap, uglier than the Great
Desert, as poor and as diseased as Job. Not even
the wealthy there to gossip about and gape at, no
great house to envy and admire, no glitter any-
where to distract, except in the music-halls of an
evening. Yet they work on and do not hang
themselves—poor devils !
But I grow serious where I had set out to be gay,
70


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and thoughtful when you are asking for a somer-
sault. Worse still, I am solemn, sitting at the
elbow of my cheerful Halfred.
That genial driver of the omnibus was not one
whit depressed upon coming into this region, nor,
to tell the truth, was I that morning, for I could not
see the backward parts, but only the wide main
road, very airy after the lanes of the city, and
crowded with quite a different population. No
longer the business-man with shining hat, hands
in pockets, quick step, and anxious face; no longer
the well-dressed woman hurrying likewise through
the throng; no longer the jingling hansom; but,
instead, the compatriot of the prophets, the coster-
monger with his barrow, the residue of Hungary
and Poland, the pipe of the British workman.
Wains of hay in the midst of the road, drays and
lorries, and an occasional omnibus jolting at the
sides; to be sure there was life enough to look at.
As for my friend, his talk began to turn more
upon his own private affairs. Apparently there
was less around to catch his attention, and, as I
have said, he had to talk, and so spoke of himself.
As I sat on the top of that 'bus listening with con-
tinuous amusement to his candid reminiscences and
naïve philosophy, I studied him more attentively
than ever, for, as you shall presently hear, I had
more reason. His dress, I noticed, was neat beyond
the average of drivers; a coat of box - cloth, once
light yellow, now of various shades, but still quite
71


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
respectable; a felt hat with a flat top, glazed to
throw off the rain; a colored scarf around his neck,
whether concealing a collar or not I could not say;
and something round his knees that might once
have been a rug or a horse-cloth, or even a piece of
carpet.
“Yus," said Halfred, meditatively, as he cracked
his whip and urged his 'bus at headlong speed
through a space in the traffic, "it's some rum
changes o' luck I've 'ad in my day. My father
he give me a surprisin' good eddication for a
hembyro 'bus-driver,
meaning me to go
into the stevedore
- but my
business in Lime-
'ead got
swelled
’ouse basin, same as
'e was 'imself, but
my 'ead got swelled
a-talkin' to a most
superior policeman
what 'ad come down
in the world, and
nothing would sat-
ersfy me but mixin'
in 'igh life. So our
rector 'e gives me a
introduction to a bloomin' aunt o’his in the coun-
try what wanted a boy in buttons, and into but-
tons I goes, and I says to myself, says I, ‘Halfred,
you're goin' to be a credit to your fam'ly, you

72


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
trousers to fold, and a good fire in the servants'
'all, and hinderpendence be blowed!'”
I think it was at this moment that an inspiration
came into my head. It was rash, you will doubtless
say. It was certainly
O, for a
sudden, but then, as
pair of trousers can
perhaps you have dis-
to fold.
covered ere now, I am
not the most prudent
of men. This little,
cheerful Halfred had
taken my fancy enor-
mously, and my heart
was warmed towards
him.
“Halfred,"I asked,
abruptly, “are you
still an honest young
man?”
“I 'ope so, sir,” said he, with becoming modesty
and evident surprise.
“And now you are experienced ?”
"Well, sir,” he said, “you've 'ad threepence
worth o’ this 'ere 'bus, and you 'aven't seed me
scrape off no paint yet.”
"But, I mean, you are experienced in folding
trousers, in packing shirts, in varnishing boots,
in all the niceties of your old profession, are you
not? You would do credit to a gentleman if he
should engage you?”

74


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
lighted me still further, and made me congratulate
myself upon my discrimination and judgment.
We parted company among the docks and ship-
ping of the very far east of London, and after
rambling for a time by the busy wharves and
breezy harbor basins, and, marvelling again at
the vastness and variety of this city, I mounted
another omnibus and drove back to my rooms.
“A man to see you, sir,” said the maid.
Could it be Halfred, already? No, it was a very
different individual; a tall and stately man, with a
prim mouth and an eye of unfathomable discre-
tion. He stood in an attitude denoting at once re-
spect for me and esteem for himself, and followed
me to my room upon a gently creaking boot.
"Well,” said I, at a loss to know whether he came
to collect a tax or induce me to order a coffin, “what
can I do for you?”
“Mr. Lumme, sir," said he, in a mincing voice,
“has informed me that you was requiring a man-
servant. Enclosed you will find Mr. Lumme's
recommendation."
He handed me a letter which ran as follows:
"DEAR MONSIEUR,—I have found the very man you
want. He was valet to Lord Pluckham for five years,
and could not have learned more from any one. Pluck-
ham was very particular as to dress, and had many af-
fairs requiring a discreet servant. He only left when
P. went bankrupt, and has had excellent experience
since. Been witness in two divorce cases, and is highly
76


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
recommended by all; also a primitive Wesleyan by relig-
ion, and well educated. You cannot find a better man in
London, nor as good, I assure you. His name is John
Mingle. Don't lose this chance. I have had some
trouble, but am glad to have found the very article.
“ Yours truly,
"EDWARD LUMME.”
This was a pretty dilemma! The industrious
and obliging Lumme had found one jewel, and in
the meanwhile I had engaged another. I felt so
ungrateful and guilty that I was ashamed to let
my good Teddy discover what I had done. So
instead of telling Mr. Mingle at once that the place
was filled, I resolved to find him deficient in some
important point, and decline to engage him on these
grounds. Easier said than done.
"Your experience has been wide?" I asked,
looking critical and feeling foolish.
"If I may say so, sir, it has," said he, glancing
down modestly at the hat he held in his hands.
"You can iron a hat?” I inquired, casting round
in my mind for some task too heavy for this Her-
cules.
He smiled with, I thought, a little pity.
"Oh, certingly, sir.”
"Can you cook?''
“I have hitherto stayed at houses where sep-
arate cooks was kept,” said he; “but if we should
happen to be a-camping out in Norway, sir, there
77


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
isn't nothing but French pastry I won't be happy
to oblige with-on a occasion, that's to say, sir."
Not only were Mr. Mingle's accomplishments
comprehensive, but he evidently looked upon him-
self as already engaged by me. Internally curs-
ing his impudence, I asked next if he could sew.
“At a pinch, sir,” said he. “That is,” he added,
correcting this vulgar expression, “if the maids is
indisposed, or like as if we was on board your
yacht, sir, and there was no hother alternative.”
"We" again - and it seemed Mr. Mingle ex-
pected me to keep a yacht!
Could he load and clean a gun, saddle a horse,
ride a bicycle, oil a motor-car, read a cipher, and
manage a camera? Yes; in the absence of the
various officials which “our” establishment main-
tained for these purposes, Mr. Mingle would be
able and willing to oblige.
Moreover, he talked with a beautiful accent,
and only very occasionally misused an aspirate;
and there could be no doubt he would make an
impressive appearance in any livery I could de-
sign. Even as a Pierrot he would have looked
dignified. On what pretext could I reject this
paragon?
“Can you drive an omnibus ?" I demanded, at
last, with a flash of genius.
This time Mr. Mingle looked fairly disconcerted.
“ Drive a homnibus !” said he. “No, sir; my
position and prospec's have always been such that
78


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
I am happy to say I have never had the oppor-
tunity of practising.”
I shook my head.
"I am afraid," I said, “ that you won't suit me,
Mingle. It is my
amusement to keep
a private omnibus."
"Oh, private,” said
Mr. Mingle, as though
that might make a
difference.
But quickly I add-

ed:
“It is painted and Even
upholstered just like as a
the others. In fact, Pierrot
I buy them second-
hand when beyond
repair. Also I take
A.L.
poor people from the
work - house for a drive. And you must drive it
in all weathers.”
That was the end of Mr. Mingle. In fact, I think
he was glad to find himself safely out of my room
again, and what he thought of my tastes, and
even of my sanity, I think I can guess.
That evening my friend Halfred appeared, bring-
ing a testimonial to his honesty and sobriety from
the proprietor of the stables, and a brief line of
eulogy from the official who collected the pence
79


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and supplied the tickets upon his own 'bus. This
last certificate ran thus-I give it exactly as it
stood:
“certtifieing alfred Winkes is I of The best obligging
and You will find him kind to animils yours Sinseerly
P. Widdup."
As Halfred explained to me, this was entirely un-
solicited, and Mr. Widdup, he was sure, would feel
hurt if he learned that it had not been presented.
“You can tell him," I said, “that it has secured
the situation for you.”
I had just told him that I should expect him to
begin his duties upon the following morning, and
he was inspecting my apartment with an air of
great interest and satisfaction, when there came
a knock upon the door, and in walked Mr. Teddy
Lumme himself. He was in evening-dress, covered
by the most recent design in top-coats and the
most spotless of white scarfs. On his head he
wore a large opera-hat, tilted at the same angle,
and on his feet small and shiny boots.
“Hullo,” said he. “Sorry; am I interrupting?
Came to see if you'd booked Mingle. I suppose
you have."
"A thousand thanks, my friend, for your
trouble," I replied, with an earnestness propor-
tionate to my feeling of compunction. “Mingle
was, indeed, admirable - exquisite. In fact, he
was perfect in every respect save one.”
80


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“What's that?” said Teddy, looking a little
surprised.
“He could not drive an omnibus.”
I am afraid my friend Teddy thought that I
was joking. He certainly seemed to have diffi-
culty in finding a reply to this. Then an expla-
nation struck him.
"You mean what we call a coach,” he sug-
gested." Thing with four horses and a toot-
toot - toot business — post - horn, we call it.
What?"
"I mean an omnibus," I replied. “The ele-
gant, the fascinating, British 'bus. And here I
have found a man who can drive me. This is my
new servant, Halfred Winkles.”
Lumme stared at him, as well he might, for my
Halfred cut a very different figure from the grave,
polished, quietly attired Mingle. To produce the
very best impression possible, he had dressed him-
self in a suit of conspicuously checkered cloth,
very tight in the leg and wide at the foot, and sur-
mounted by a very bright-blue scarf tightly knot-
ted round his neck. In his button-hole was an
artificial tulip, in his pocket a wonderful red-and-
yellow handkerchief. His ruddy face shone so
brightly that I shrewdly suspected his friend Wid-
dup had scrubbed it with a handful of straw, and
he held in his hand, pressed against his breast,
the same shining waterproof hat beneath which
he drove the 'bus.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Left your last place long?" asked Lumme, of
this apparition.
"Gave 'em notice this arternoon, sir,” said Hal-
fred.
“Who were you with?”
“London General,” replied Halfred.
"A London gen-
eral?” said Teddy.
"Sounds all right.
He gave you a good
character, I sup-
IL
pose?"
“The very best,"
- I interposed.
"London
“Well,” said
General
Lumme, dubiously,
"I hope you'll turn out all right, and do my
friend, the monsieur here, credit.”
As he turned to go he added to me, aside:
“Rum - looking chap, he seems to me. Keep
an eye on him, I'd advise you. Personally, I'd
have chosen Mingle, but o' course you know
best. Good-night.”
And I was left with the faithful Halfred.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
grow, till I could hear known voices and look
upon old faces that perhaps I should never again
hear or see in any other fashion. Yes, the exile
may be very gay, and jingle the foreign coins in
his pocket, and whistle the airs of alien songs,
and afterwards write humorously of his advent-
ures; but there are many moments when he and
the canary in the cage are very near together.
For myself, I am best, my friends say, when I
am laughing at the world and playing somewhat
the buffoon. And, of course, I am naturally anx-
ious to appear at my best. Besides, I must con-
fess that I do not think this world is an affair to be
treated with a too great gravity; not, at least, if one
can help it. Frequently it makes itself ridiculous
even in the partial eyes of its own inhabitants. How
much more frequently if one could sit outside-
upon a passing shower, for instance-and see it
as we look upon a play? Ten to one, some of our
most sententious friends would seem no different
from those amusing sparrows discussing the law
of property in a bread-crumb, or from my dog play-
ing the solemn comedy of the buried bone. There-
fore I always think it safer to assume that there is
some unseen cynic, some creature in the fourth
dimension, looking over my shoulder as I write,
and exclaiming, when I grow too sensible, “Oh,
the wise fool!”
Yet for all this excellent philosophy, and in
spite of a most reasonable desire to say those things
84


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
that are instantly rewarded by a smile, rather
than those an audience receives in silence, and
perhaps approves, perhaps condemns—despite all
this, the rubbing of the world upon a set of nerves
does not always make one merry; and in that humor
I should sometimes like to perpetrate a serious
sentence. If ever I succumb to this temptation of
the writer's devil, please turn the page and do not
linger over the indiscretion.
Therefore I shall pass quickly over the thin
ice of sentiment, the days when I felt lonely on my
comfortable ledge, the hours I spent looking at the
fire. More amusing to tell you of the bright lining
to my clouds; of the sitting-room, for instance,
low in the ceiling, commodious, and shaped, I
think, to fit the chimneys or the stairs or the water-
butt outside; at any rate, to suit something that
required two unequal recesses and three non- rec-
tangular corners. It was on the ground-floor, and
had two French windows (of which the adjective
cheered me, I think, as much as the noun). These
opened upon a little, stone-paved space, shaded by
a high tree in the park, and which I called my
garden.
Rejecting some articles of my landlord's fur-
niture as too splendid for an untitled tenant-a
plush-covered settee, for instance, and an alabaster
tea-table, adorned with cut-glass trophies from the
drawing-room of a bankrupt alderman-I replaced
them by a bookcase, three easy-chairs, and an
85


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
inviting sofa of my own; I bought substitutes for
the engravings of “The Child's First Prayer" and
“The Last Kiss," and the colored plates represent-
ing idyllic passages from the lives of honest arti-
sans, which had regaled my predecessor; I re-
curtained the dear French windows.
Neither Mr. Titch nor his good wife entirely ap-
proved of these changes. In fact, I suspect they
would have given such a Goth notice to quit in a
month had it not been for the reflection that, after
all, such eccentricities were only to be expected of
a foreigner. The English have a most amusing
contempt for the rest of mankind, accompanied
by an equally amusing toleration for the peculiar-
ities that are naturally associated with such degen-
erates. The Chinese, I understand, have an equal
national modesty, but their contempt for the for-
eigner finds expression in a desire to decapitate
his mangled remains. John Bull, on the other
hand, will not only allow but expect you to walk
upon your head, eat rats and mice, maintain a
staff of poisonous serpents, and even play the
barrel-organ. This goes to such a length that
supposing you beat him at something he most
prides himself upon, such as rowing, boxing, or
manufactures, he will but smile and shake his
head and say,“ These are, indeed, most remarkable
animals.”
Mr. and Mrs. Titch were no exceptions to this
rule, and I think that in time they even came to
86


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
have an affection for and a pride in their preposter-
ous tenant, much like an enthusiastic savant who
handicaps himself with a half-tamed cobra.
Mr. Titch was a little, gray-haired man, with a
respectful manner overlaid upon a consequential
air. He had enjoyed varied experience as footman
and butler in several families of distinction, and
my Halfred had been but a short time in the house
before he became tremendously impressed by Mr.
Titch's reminiscences of the great, and his vast
knowledge of Halfred's own profession.
“Wonderful man, Mr. Titch, sir," he would say
to me. “What 'e don't know about our Henglish
haristocracy ain't worth knowing. You'd 'ardly
believe it, sir, but he seed the Dook of Balham
puttin' his arm round Lady Sarah Elcey's waist
three months before their engagement was in the
papers, and the Dook 'e says to 'im, ‘Titch,' says
he, ''ere's a five-pun' note; you're a man of dis-
cretion, you are, and what you sees you keeps to
yourself, don't you? I mean no 'arm,' he says.
'I'll hundertake to marry the lady if you only
gives me time.' And Mr. Titch, he lay low three
’ole months a-knowing a secret like that.”
Mr. Titch's caution and advice were certainly
serviceable to Halfred, who was rapidly becoming
transformed from the cheerful 'bus-driver into the
obliging valet. Whether the world did not lose
more than I gained by this change I shall not un-
dertake to say; but I can always console myself
87


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
for depriving society of a friend, and Halfred of
his “hinderpendence,” by picturing the little man,
poorly protected by his nondescript rug, driving
his 'bus all day through the wind and the rain.
He, at least, enjoyed the transformation; and one
result is worth a hundred admirable theories. Be-
sides, the virtues of Halfred remained the virtues
of Halfred through all the polishings of circum-
stances and Mr. Titch.
For the good Mrs. Titch, my discerning servant
expressed a respect only a shade less profound
than his homage to her spouse. Now this ex-
cellent lady, though motherly in appearance and
wonderfully dignified in the black silk in which
she rustled to church of a Sunday, was not re-
markable either for acuteness of mind or that wide
knowledge of the world enjoyed by Mr. Titch.
She knew little of the aristocracy except through
his reminiscences, though I am bound to say her
respect for that august institution was as pro-
found as Major Pendennis himself could have de-
sired. Also her observations on that portion of
the world she had met were distinguished by an
erroneous and solemn foolishness that cannot have
passed unnoticed by Halfred.
Yet he quoted and reverenced her with an inex-
plicable lack of discrimination.
“Mrs. Titch is what I calls, sir, a genuwine
lady in a 'umble sphere,” he once remarked to me.
"Her delicacy is surprisin'."
88


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Yes, there must be some mysterious glamour
about these worthy people, and this glamour I be-
gan to have dark suspicions was none other than
Miss Aramatilda Titch, daughter of the ex-butler
and his genuine lady.
At first I saw this maiden seldom, and then only
by glimpses. As more than one of these revealed
her in curl-papers, and as I do not appreciate woman
thus decked out, I paid her but little attention.
But after a week or two had passed I surprised her
one afternoon conversing in my sitting-room with
the affable Halfred.
“Miss Titch is a-lookin' to see if the windows
want cleaning,” he explained. Though, as they
were standing in the recess farthest removed from
the windows, I came to the conclusion that other
matters also were being discussed.
It was about this time that I had hired a piano
to console my solitude, and a day or two later, as I
came towards my room, I heard a tinkle of music.
Pushing the door gently open, I saw Miss Ara-
matilda picking out the air of a polka, and Halfred
listening to this melody with the most undisguised
admiration.
This time his explanation was more lamely de-
livered, while Aramatilda showed the liveliest
confusion and dismay.
"My dear Miss Titch,” I assured her, “by all
means practise my piano while I am out-provided,
of course, that Mr. Winkles gives you permission.
89


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
and do you not allow that, if he is not a general, he
at least ought to be?
“Who is this general?” I asked Halfred one
day.
“As rummy a old customer as ever was, sir,”
said Halfred. “Been here for three years and
never 'ad a visitor inside his room all that time,
exceptin' one lady.”
“A lady?” I said. “His—"
“Don't know, sir. Some says one thing, some
says another. Kind o' a hexotic, I calls 'im, sir.
Miss Titch she thinks he's 'ad a affair of the 'eart;
I think he booses same as a old pal o' mine what
kept a chemist's shop in Stepney used to. My
friend he locks ’isself up in the back room and puts
away morphine and nicotine and strychnine and
them things by the 'alf-pint. 'Ole days at it he
were, sir, and all the time the small boys a-sneak-
ing cough-drops, and tooth-brushes for to make
feathers for their 'ats when playin' at soldiers,
and when the doctor he sees 'im at last he says
nothing but a hepileptic 'ome wouldn't do 'im any
good.”
“You think, then, the General drinks?” I said.
"Either that or makes counterfeit coins, sir,"
said Halfred, with an ominous shake of his bullet
head.
I was quite aware of my Halfred's partiality for
the melodramatic. Nevertheless there was cer-
tainly something unusual in my neighbor's con-
91


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
duct that excited my interest considerably. For I
confess I am one of those who are apt to be blind
towards the mysteries of the obvious and the mir-
acles of every day, and to revel in the romance of
the singular.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Cbapter X
“Seek you wine or seek you maid at the
journey's end?
Give to me at every stage the welcome of
a friend !"
-CYD.
seleslekeak o not think that all this time I had
se lost sight of my new friends, the fair-
ote D or haired Dick Shafthead and the genial
oh - Se Teddy Lumme. On the contrary, we
see see pole had had more than one merry night
together, and exchanged not a few confidences.
Very soon after I was settled, Dick had come round
to my rooms and criticised everything, from Hal-
fred to the curtains. His tastes were a trifle too
austere to altogether appreciate these latter rather
sumptuous hangings.
"They'll do for waistcoats if you ever go on
the music-hall stage,” he observed, sardonically.
“That's why you got 'em, perhaps ?”
“The very reason, my friend," I replied. “I
93


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
cannot afford to get both new waistcoats and new
curtains; just as I am compelled to employ the
same person to get me out of jail and criticise
my furniture."
Dick laughed.
“ You are too witty, mossyour.” (He came as
near the pronunciation of my title as that.) “You
should write some of these things down before you
forget 'em.”
“For the French,” I retorted, "that precaution
is unnecessary.”
For Halfred, I am sorry to say, he did not at
first show that appreciation I had expected.
“Your 'bus-man," was the epithet he applied
behind his back; though I am bound to say his
good-breeding made him so polite that Halfred, on
his side, conceived the highest opinion of my friend.
“A real gentleman, Mr. Shafthead is, sir," he
confided to me. “What I calls a hunmistakable
toff. He hasn't got no side on, and he speaks to
one man like as he would to another. In fact, sir,
he reminds me of Lord Haugustus I once seed at
the Hadelphi ; a nobleman what said, 'I treats hev-
ery fellow-Briton as a gentleman so long as Bri-
tannia rules the waves and 'e behaves 'isself ac-
cordingly.'”
This may seem exaggerated praise, but, indeed,
it would be difficult to exaggerate my dear Dick's
virtues. Doubtless his faults are being placed in
the opposite page of a ledger kept somewhere with
94


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
his name upon the cover ; but that is no business
of mine. To paste in parallel columns the virtues
of our friends and the faults of ourselves, that may
be unpleasant, but it is necessary if we are to turn
the search-light inward. Certain weak spots we
must not look at too closely if we are to keep our
self-respect; but, my faith / we can well give the
most of our humanity an airing now and then;
also, if possible, a fumigating. It was Dick
Shafthead, more than any other, who took my
failings for a walk in the sunshine, and some-
how or other they always returned a little
abashed.
A very different person was his cousin Teddy
Lumme, for whom, by-the-way, I discovered Dick
had a real regard carefully concealed behind a
most satirical attitude. Teddy was not clever-
though shrewd enough within strict limits; he was
no moralist, no philosopher; an observer chiefly
of the things least worth observing-a performer
upon the tin-whistle of life. But, owing to his
kindness of heart and ingenuous disposition, he
was wonderfully likable.
His leisure moments were devoted, I believe, to
the discharge of some duty in the foreign office,
though what precisely it was I could never, even
by the most ingenious cross-examination, discover.
His father held the respectable position of Bishop
of Battersea; his mother was the Honorable Mrs.
Lumme. These excellent parents had a high re-
95


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
promise, who discussed with me many questions
of international interest—such as the price of cham-
pagne in foreign hotels, the status of the music-
hall artiste at home and abroad, the best knot for
the full-dress tie, and so forth.
Dick Shafthead did not often appear in this
company.
“Can't afford their amusements, and can't be
bothered with their conversation,” he explained
to me. “Look in and have a pipe this evening
if you're doing nothing else. If you want cigars,
bring your own; I've run out."
And, after all, learning to perform upon the
briar-pipe in Dick's society under the old roof of
the Temple, applauding or disapproving of our
elders and our betters, had infinitely more charm
to me than those intellectual conclaves at his cous-
in's, for six nights in the week at least. A dif-
ferent mood, a different friend. Sometimes one
desires in a companion congenial depravity; at
others, more points of contact.
This Temple where Dick lived is not a church,
though there is a church within it. It is one of
those surprising secrets that London keeps and
shows you sometimes to reconcile you to her fogs.
Out of the heart of the traffic and the noise you
turn through an ancient archway into a rabbit
warren of venerable and sober red buildings; each
court and passage tidy, sedate, and, if I may say
it of a personage of brick, thoughtful and kindly
97


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
disposed to its inhabitants. This is the Temple,
once the home of the Knight Templars, now of
English law. In one court Dick shared with a
friend an austerely furnished office where he re-
ceived such work as the solicitors sent him, and
was ready to receive more. But it was on the top
flight of another staircase in another court-yard
that he kept his household gods.
He had come there, as I have said before, during
a period of financial depression, and there he had
stayed ever since. I do not wonder at it; though,
to be sure, I think I should find it rather solitary
of an evening, when the offices emptied, silence
fell upon the stairs and the quadrangles, and there
were only left in the whole vast warren the sprink-
ling of permanent inhabitants who dwelt under
the slates. Yet there was I know not quite what
about those old rooms, an aroma of the past, a
link with romance, that made them lovable. The
panelled walls, the undulating floors, the odd angle
which held the fireplace, the beam across the ceiling,
the old furniture to match these, all had character;
and to what but character do we link sentiment ?
Also the prospect from the windows was delight-
ful; an open court, a few trees, the angles of other
ancient buildings, a glimpse of green turf in a
garden, a peep of more stems and branches, with
the Thames beyond. Yes, it was quite the neigh-
borhood for a romantic episode to happen. And
one day, as you shall hear in time, it happened.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XI
“And then I came to another castle where
lived a giant whose name was John Bull.”
- MAUNDEVILLE (ADAPTED).
Alege do you dance?" asked Teddy.
shop “All night, if you will play to me,”
I replied.
some - Speed “Ride?” said he.
spesso sono in “On a horse? Yes, my friend, I
can even ride a horse.”
“Well, then, I say, d' you care to come to a ball
at Seneschal Court, the Trevor - Hudson's place;
meet next day, and that sort of thing? Dick and
I are going. We'll be there about a week.”
“But I do not know the — the very excellent
people you have named.”
"Oh, that's all right,” said Teddy. “They
want a man or two. So few men dance nowadays,
don't you know. I keep it up myself a little;
girls get sick if I don't hop round with 'em now and
then. Hullo, I see you've got a card from my
99


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
mater, for the twenty-ninth. Don't go, whatever
you do. Sure to be dull. The mater's shows
always are. What did you think of that girl the
other night? Ha, hal Told you so; I know all
about women. What's this book you're reading ?
French, by Jove! Pretty stiff, isn't it? Oh, o'
course you are French, aren't you? That makes a
difference, I suppose. Well, then, you'll come with
us. Thursday, first. I'll let you know the train."
“May I bring my Halfred?” I inquired.
"Rather. Looks well to have a man with you.
I'd bring mine, only he makes a fuss if he can't
have a bedroom looking south, and one can't in-
sist on people giving him that. Au revoir, mos-
soo."
This was on Monday, so I had but little time
for preparation.
Halfred was at once taken into consultation.
"I am going to hunt,” I said; "also to a ball;
and you are coming with me. Prepare me for the
ballroom and the chase. What do I require be-
yond the things I already have?”
"A pink coat and a 'ard 'at, sir,” said he, with
great confidence. “Likewise top-boots and white
gloves for to dance in, not forgettin' a pair o’spurs
and a whip.”
"I shall get the hat, the coat, and the boots.
Gloves I have already. You will buy me the spurs
and the whip. By-the-way, have you ever hunted,
Halfred ?”
100


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"Not exactly ’unted myself, sir,” said he, “but
I've seed the 'unt go by, and knowed a lot o' 'unt-
ing - men. Then, bein' connected with hosses so
much myself I've naterally took a hinterest in the
turf and the racin'-stable.”
“You are a judge of horses?" I asked.
“Well, sir, I am generally considered to know
"A pink coat and
a'ard 'at, sir;"

something about 'em. In fact, sir, Mr. Widdup-
that's the gentleman what give me the testimonial
-he's said to me more nor once, 'Halfred,' says
he, 'what you don't know about these 'ere hani-
mals would go into a pill-box comfertable.""
"Good," I said. “Find me two hunters that I
can hire for a week.”
The little man looked me up and down with a
discriminating eye.
"Something that can carry a bit o' weight, sir,
IOI


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and stand a lot o’’ard riding; that's what you need,
sir."
Now, I am not heavy, nor had circumstances
hitherto given me the opportunity of riding ex-
cessively hard, but the notion that I was indeed a
gigantic Nimrod tempted my fancy, and I am
ashamed to confess that I fell.
vertically
a
KI
I've seed the
Punt go by
W
“Yes," I said, “that is exactly what I require.”
“Leave it to me, sir,” he assured me, with great
confidence. “I'll make hall the arrangements.”
My mind was now easy, and for the two follow-
ing days I studied all the English novels treating
of field sports, and the articles on hunting in the
encyclopædias and almanacs, so that when Thurs-
day arrived and I met my friends at the station I
felt myself qualified to take part with some assur-
ance in their arguments on the chase. We are a
102


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
receptive race, we French, and the few accomplish-
ments we have not actually created we can at
least quickly comprehend and master.
Next door to us, in a second-class compartment,
Halfred was travelling, and attached to our train
was the horse-box containing the two hunters he
had engaged. I had had one look at these, and
certainly there seemed to be no lack of bone and
muscle.
"Mr. Widdup and me 'ired 'em, sir,” said Hal-
fred, “from a particular friend o' ours what can be
trusted. Jumps like fleas, they do, he says, and
’as been known to run for sixty-five miles without
stoppin' more'n once or twice for a drink. 'Ard in
the mouth and 'igh in the temper, says he, but the
very thing for a gentleman in good 'ealth what
doesn't 'unt regular and likes 'is money's worth
when he does.”
“You have exactly described me," I replied.
But if I had the advantage over my two friends
in the suite I was taking with me, Teddy Lumme
certainly led the way in conversation. He was
vastly impressed with the importance of our party
(a sentiment he succeeded in communicating to
the guard and the other officials); also with the re-
spectability of the function we were going to at-
tend, and with the inferiority of other travellers
on that railway. This air of triumphal progress
or coronation procession was still further increased
by the indefatigable attentions of Halfred, who
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
at every station ran to our carriage door, touched
his hat, and made inquiries concerning our com-
fort and safety; so that more than once a loyal
cheer was raised as the train steamed out again,
and Dick even declared that at an important junc-
tion he perceived the Lord Mayor's daughter ap-
nt
Leverunt
9
Jumps like fleas •
proaching with a basket of flowers. Unfortunate-
ly, however, she did not reach our carriage in time.
The glories of this pageant he was partaking in
filled Teddy's mind with reminiscences of other
scenes where he had played an equally distin-
guished part.
"I remember one day with the Quorn last year,"
he remarked. “Devil of a run we had; seventy-
104


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
five minutes without a check. When we'd killed,
I said to a man, 'Got anything to drink?' It was
Pluckham. You know Lord Pluckham, Dick?"
“His bankruptcy case went through our cham-
bers,” said Dick, dryly.
"Dashed hard lines that was," said Teddy.
“He's a good chap, is Pluckham; kept the best
whiskey in England. By Jovel I never had a drink
like that. A man needs one after riding with the
Quorn."
And Teddy puffed his cigar and chewed the cud
of that proud moment.
“Where are your horses, Teddy?” asked Dick.
“Coming down by a special train?”
“Oh, they are mounting me," said Teddy. “Tre-
vor-Hudson always keeps a couple of his best for
me. What are you doing?”
"Following on a bicycle," replied Dick. “My
five grooms and six horses haven't turned up."
"My dear Shafthead,” said I, “I shall lend you
one of mine."
“Many thanks,” he answered, with gratitude,
no doubt, but with less enthusiasm than I should
have expected. “Unfortunately I've seen 'em.”
“And do you not care to ride them?” I asked,
with some disappointment, I confess.
“Not alone,” said Dick. “If you'll lend me
Halfred to sit behind and keep the beast steady I
don't mind trying.”
“Very well,” I said, with a shrug.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"Quite a nice little thing,” said Lumme, gra-
ciously.
"I thought you rather fancied her.”
"I'm off women at present,” the venerable roué
declared.
Dick's grin at hearing this sentiment was more
eloquent than any comment.
But now we had reached our destination. Hal-
fred and a very stately footman, assisted by the
station - master, the ticket - collector, and all the
porters, transferred our luggage to a handsome
private omnibus; then, Halfred having arranged
that the horses should be taken to stables in the
village (since my host's were full), we all bowled
off between the hedge-rows.
It was a beautiful October evening, still clear
overhead and red in the west; the plumage of the
trees had just begun to turn a russet brown; the air
was very fresh after the streets of London; our
horses rattled at a most exhilarating pace.
"My faith,” I exclaimed, “this is next to heaven!
I shall be buried in the country.”
“Those hunters of yours ought to manage it
for you,” observed Dick.
Yet I forgave him again.
We turned through an imposing gateway, and
now we were in a wide and charming English
park. Undulating turf and stately trees spread
all round us and ended only in the dusk of the
evening; a herd of deer galloped from our path;
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
rooks cawed in the branches overhead; a gorgeous
pheasant ran for shelter towards a thicket. Then,
on one side, came an ivy-covered wall over whose
top high, dark evergreens stood up like Ethiopian
giants. Evidently these were the gardens, and in
a moment more we were before the house itself.
As I went from the carriage to the door I had
just time and light to see that it was a very great
mansion, not old, apparently, but tempered enough
by time to inspire a kindly feeling of respect. A
high tower rose over the door, and along the front,
on either side, creepers climbed between the win-
dows, and these gave an impression at once of
stateliness and home.
By the aid of two servants, who were nearly as
tall as the tower, we were led first through an ample
vestibule adorned with a warlike array of spears.
These, I was informed, belonged to the body-guard
of my host when he was high sheriff of his county,
and this explanation, though it took from them
the romance of antiquity, gave me, nevertheless,
a pleasanter sensation than if they had been bran-
dished at Flodden. They were a relic not of a dead
but a living feudalism, a symbol that a sovereign
still ruled this land. And this reminded me of
the reason I was here and the cause for which I
still hoped to fight; and for a moment it saddened
me.
But again I commit the crime of being serious;
also the still less pardonable offence of leaving
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
my two friends standing outside the doors of the
hall.
Hastily I rejoin them; the doors open, a buzz of
talk within suddenly subsides, and we march
across the hall in single file to greet our host and
hostess. What I see during this brief procession
is a wide and high room, a gallery running round
it, a great fireplace at the farther end, and a com-
pany of nearly twenty people sitting or standing
near the fire and engaged in the consumption of
tea and the English crumpet.
I am presented, received in a very off-hand fash-
ion, told to help myself to tea and crumpet, and
then left to my own devices. Lumme and Shaft-
head each find an acquaintance to speak to, my
host and hostess turn to their other guests, and,
with melted butter oozing from my crumpet into
my tea, I do my best to appear oblivious of the
glances which I feel are being directed at me. I
look irresolutely towards my hostess. She is faded,
affected, and talkative; but her talk is not for me,
and, in fact, she has already turned her back.
And my host? He is indeed looking at me fixedly
out of a somewhat bloodshot eye, while he stuffs
tea-cake into a capacious mouth; but when I
meet his gaze, he averts his eyes. A cheerful
couple; a kindly reception! “What does it mean?"
I ask myself. “Has Lumme exceeded his powers
in bringing me here?” I remember that at his in-
stigation Mrs. Trevor-Hudson sent me a brief note
109


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
of invitation, but possibly she repented afterwards.
Or is my appearance so unpleasant? In France,
I tell myself, it was not generally considered re-
pulsive. In fact, I can console myself with several
instances to the contrary; but possibly English
standards of taste are different.
At last I venture to accost a gentleman who, at
the moment, is also silent.
“Have you also come from London?" I ask.
“I? No. Live near here,” he says, and turns
to resume his conversation with a lady.
I am seriously thinking of taking my departure
before there is any active outbreak of hostilities,
when I see a stout gentleman, with a very red face,
approaching me from the farther side of the fire-
place. I have noticed him staring at me with, it
seemed, undisguised animosity, and I am prepar-
ing the retort with which I shall answer his request
to immediately leave the house, when he remarks,
in a bluff, cheerful voice, as he advances :
“Bringin' your horses, I hear.”
“I am, sir," I reply, in great surprise.
“Lumme was tellin' me,” he adds, genially.
“Ever hunted this country before?"
And in a moment I find myself engaged in a
friendly conversation, which is as suddenly inter-
rupted by a very beautifully dressed apparition
with a very long mustache, who calls my short
friend “Sir Henry," and consults him about an
accident that has befallen his horse. But I began
ΙΙΟ


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
to see the theory of this reception. It is an English-
man's idea of making you—and himself— feel at
home. You eat as much cake as you please, talk
to anybody you please, remain silent as long as
"Bringin'

Your
horses
I hear'
you please, leave the company if you please and
smoke a pipe, and you are not interfered with by
any one while doing these things. To introduce
you to somebody might bore you; you may not
be a conversationalist, and may prefer to stand
and stare like a surfeited ox. Well, if such are
your tastes it would be interfering with the
III


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
liberty of the subject to cross them. What was the
use of King John signing the Magna Charta if an
Englishman finds himself compelled to be agreeable?
This idea having dawned upon me and my
courage returned, I cast my eyes round the com-
pany, and selecting the prettiest girl made straight
at her. She received me with a smiling eye and
the most delightful manner possible, and as she
talked and I looked more closely at her, I saw that
she was even fairer than I had thought.
Picture a slim figure, rather under middle height,
a bright eye that sparkled as though there was
dew upon it, piquant little features that all joined
in a frequent and quite irresistible smile; and,
finally, dress this dainty demoiselle in the most
fascinating costume you can imagine. Need it be
said that I was soon emboldened to talk quite frank-
ly and presently to ask her who some of the com-
pany were? “Sir Henry” turned out to be Sir
Henry Horley, a prosperous baronet, who scarcely
ever left the saddle; the gentleman with the long
mustache, to be Lord Thane, an elder son with
political aspirations; while the man I had first
accosted was no less a person than Mr. H. Y. Tonks,
the celebrated cricketer.
“And now will you point out to me Miss Trevor-
Hudson ?” I asked. “I hear she is very beautiful."
“Who told you that?" she inquired, with a more
charming smile than ever.
“Her admirers,” I answered.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
The girl raised her eyebrows, shot me the archest
glance in the world, and pointing her finger to her
own breast, said, simply:
“There she is.”
I said to myself that though my friend Teddy
Lumme was “off women,” I, at any rate, was
not.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XII
“Our language is needlessly complicated.
Why, for instance, have two such words as
*woman' and 'discord,' when one would
serve?"
-LA RABIDE.
hakkabelRESENTLY the men retired to smoke,
si - sea and for an hour or two I had to tear
on P myself from the smiles of Miss Trevor-
son - The Hudson. The smoking-room opened
stress og into the billiard-room, and some played
pool while the rest of us sat about the fire and dis-
cussed agriculture, the preservation of pheasants,
and, principally, horses, hounds, and foxes. A
short fragment will show you the standard of elo-
quence to which we attained. It is founded, I
admit, more on imagination than memory, but is
sufficiently accurate for the purpose of illustra-
tion. As to who the different speakers were you
can please your fancy.
First Sportsman. “Are your turnips large?”
114


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Second Sportsman. “Not so devilish bad. Did
you go to the meet on Tuesday ?”
First Sportsman. “Yes, and I noticed Charley
Tootle there."
Third Sportsman. “Ridin' his bay horse or his
black?”
First Sportsman. “The bay."
Fourth Sportsman. “Oats make better feed-
ing."
Second Sportsman. “My man prefers straw.”
First Sportsman. “Did you fish this summer?”
Third Sportsman. “No; I shot buffaloes in-
stead.”
First Sportsman. “Where—Kamchatka or Ja-
pan?”
Third Sportsman. “ Japan. Kamchatka's get-
ting overshot.”
Fifth Sportsman. “Do you supply your pheas-
ants with warm water?"
Second Sportsman. “I am having it laid on."
Fifth Sportsman. “What system do you use?!
Second Sportsman. “Two-inch pipes attached
by a rotatory tap to the conservatory cistern."
Fifth Sportsman. "Sounds a devilish good no-
tion.”
First Sportsman. “Now, let me tell you my
experience of those self-lengthening stirrups.”
And so on till the booming of a gong summoned
us to dress for dinner.
"Well,” said Dick, as we went to our rooms,
115


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"you looked as though your mind was being im-
proved.”
"It is trying to become adjusted," I replied.
On our way we passed along the gallery over-
looking the hall, and suddenly I was struck by the
contrast between this house and its inhabitants :
on the one hand the splendid proportions and dig-
nity of this great hall, dark under the oak beams
of the roof, fire-light and lamp-light falling below
upon polished floor and carpets of the East; the
library lined with what was best in English litera-
ture, the walls with the worthiest in English art;
on the other, my heavy-eyed host full of port and
prejudices, and as meshed about by unimagina-
tive limitations as any strawberry-bed. Possibly
I am too foreign, and only see the surface, but
then how is one to suspect a gold-mine beneath a
vegetable garden?
At dinner I found myself seated between Lady
Thane and Miss Rosalie Horley. Lady Thane,
wife to the nobleman with the long mustache, had
an attractive face, but took herself seriously. In
man this is dangerous, in woman fatal. I turned
to my other neighbor and partially obtained my
consolation there. She was young, highly colored,
hearty, and ingenuous, and proved so apprecia-
tive a listener as nearly to suffocate herself with
an oyster-paté when I told her how I had burgled
Fisher. The remainder of my consolation I ob-
tained from the prospect, directly opposite, of Miss
116


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Trevor-Hudson. She was sitting next to Teddy
Lumme, and if it had not been for his express decla-
ration to the contrary I should have said he was
far from insusceptible to her charms. Yet, since
I knew his real sentiments, I did not hesitate to
distract her glance when possible.
After dinner a great bustling among the ladies,
a great putting on of overcoats and lighting of
cigars among the men, and then we all embarked
in an immense omnibus and clattered off to the
ball. This dance was being held in the county
town some miles away, so that for more than half
an hour I sat between Dick and Teddy on a seat
behind the driver's, my cigar between my teeth,
a very excellent dinner beneath my overcoat, and
my heart as light as a sparrow's. On either side
the rays of our lamps danced like fire-flies along
the woods and hedge-rows, but my fancy seemed
to run still faster than these meteor companions,
and already I pictured myself claiming six dances
from Miss Trevor-Hudson.
But now other lights began to appear, twink-
ling through trees before us, and presently we were
clattering up the high street of the market-town.
Other carriages were already congregated about
the assembly rooms at the Checkered Boar, a
crowd of spectators had gathered before the door
to stare at visions of lace and jewelry, the strains
of the band came through an open window, and al.
together there was an air of revelry that I sup-
117


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
pose only visited the little borough once a year.
Inside the doors, waiters with shining heads and
ruddy faces waved us on up and down stairs and
along passages, where, at intervals, we met other
guests as resplendent as ourselves, till at last we
reached the ballroom itself. This was a long,
low room with a shining floor, an old-fashioned
wall-paper decorated with a pattern of pink roses,
and a great blaze of candles to light it up. It was
evident that many generations of squires must
have danced beneath those candles and between
the rose-covered walls, and this suggestion of old-
worldness had a singularly pleasant flavor.
In a recess about the middle of the room the or-
chestra were tuning up for another waltz; at one
end the more important families were assembling :
at the other, the lesser. Need I say that we joined
the former group?
In English country dances it usually is the
custom to have programmes on which you write
the names of your partners for the evening. I now
looked round to secure one particular partner, but
she was not to be seen. The waltz had begun; I
scanned the dancers. There was Shafthead tear-
ing round with Miss Horley, his athletic figure
moving well, his good features lit by a smile he
could assume most agreeably when on his best
behavior. There was the stout Sir Henry revolv-
ing with the more deliberate pomp of sixty sum-
mers. But where were the bright eyes? Sud-
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
haireddy certed.
Sain
denly I spied the skirt of a light-blue dress through
the opening of a doorway. I rushed for it, and
there, out in the passage, was the misogamist
Lumme evidently entreating Miss Trevor-Hudson
for more dances than she was willing to surrender..
For her sake this must be stopped.
"I have come to make a modest request,” I said.
“Will you give me a dance-or possibly two?”
With the sweetest air she took her programme
from the disconcerted, and I do not think very
amiable, Teddy, and handed it to me.
“I have taken three, seven, and fourteen," I
said, giving it back to her.
“Fourteen is mine," cried Teddy.
“Not now," I said, smiling.
“I had booked it,” said he.
“Your name was not there," I replied. “And
now, Miss Hudson, if you are not dancing this
dance will you finish it with me?''
She took my arm, and the baffled despiser of
women was left in the passage.
This may sound hard treatment to be dealt out
to a friend, and, indeed, I fear that though out-
wardly calm, and even polite to exaggeration,
my indignation had somewhat run away with
me. Had I any excuse? Yes; two eyes that, as
I have said, were bright as the dew, and a smile
not to be resisted.
She danced divinely, she let me clasp her hand
tenderly yet firmly, and she smiled at me when
119


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
she was dancing with others. I noticed once or
twice when we danced together that Lumme also
smiled at her, but I was convinced she did not re-
ply to this. In fact, his whole conduct seemed to
me merely presumptuous and impertinent. How
mine seemed to him I cannot tell you.

the,
baffled
despises
Women
He had secured the advantage of engaging sev-
eral dances before I had time to interfere, and also
possessed one other—a scarlet evening -coat, the
uniform of the hunt. But I glanced in the mirror,
and said to myself that I did not grudge him this
adornment, while as for my fewer number of
dances, I found my partner quite willing to allow
me others to which I was not legally entitled. In
this way I obtained number thirteen, to the det-
120


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
riment of Mr. Tonks, and was just prepared to
embark upon number fourteen when Lumme ap-
proached us with an air I did not approve of.
“This is my dance,” he said, in a manner in-
excusable in the presence of a lady.
"Pardon," I replied. “It is mine."
Miss Hudson looked from one to the other of us
with a delighfully perplexed expression, but, I
fear, with a little wickedness in her brown eye.
“What am I to do?" she said, with a shrug of
her shoulders.
“It is my dance,” repeated Teddy, glaring fix-
edly at me.
I shrugged my shoulders, smiled, and offered
her my arm to lead her away.
"I am sorry, Mr. Lumme," said the cause of
this strife, sweetly, “but I am afraid Mr. D’Hari-
cot's name is on my programme.”
Teddy made a tragic bow that would have done
credit to a dyspeptic frog, and I danced off with
my prize. At the end of the waltz he came up to
me with a carefully concocted sneer.
“You know how to sneak dances, moshyour,"
he observed. “Do you do everything else as
well?”
I kept my temper and replied, suavely, “Yes, I
shoot tolerably with the pistol, and can use the
foils."
"Like your cab-horses ?'' sneered Teddy, taking
no notice, however, of the implied invitation to
121


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
console himself if aggrieved. “I'm keen to see
how long you stick on top of those beasts.”
“Good, my friend,” I replied, “I take that as a
challenge to ride a race. We shall see to-morrow
who first catches the fox!”


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
C bapter XIII
“With his horse and his hounds in the
morning!”
ENGLISH BALLAD.
shahadah HEN I awoke next morning, my first
apie a thoughts were of a pair of brown
se W s eyes, dainty features that smiled up
se at me, and a voice that whispered as
pa
we danced for the last time together,
“No, I shall not forget you when you are gone.'
Then, quickly, I remembered the sport before
me, and the challenge to ride to the death with the
rival who had crossed my path.
“Halfred," I said.
The little man looked up from the pile of clothes
he was folding in the early morning light, and
stopped the gentle hissing that accompanied, and
doubtless lightened, every task.
“Fasten my spurs on firmly," I said. “I shall
ride hard to-day.”
He cannot have noticed the grave note in my
123


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
voice, for he replied, in his customary cheerful
fashion, “If heverything sticks on as well as the
spurs, sir, you won't ’ave nothin' to complain of."
"I shall ride very hard, Halfred.”
“ 'Arder nor usual, sir?” he asked, with a look
of greater interest.

I shall ride
hard today
ALBERT
LEVERING
“Vastly, immeasurably!".
“What's hup, sir?” he exclaimed, in some con-
cern now.
"I have made a little bet with Mr. Lumme,”
I answered in a serious voice, “a small wager
that I shall be the first to catch the fox. If you
can make a suggestion that may help me to win,
I shall be happy to listen to it."
“Catch the fox, sir? he repeated, thought-
124


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
fully, scratching his head. “Well, sir, it seems
to me there's nothin' for it but starting hoff first
and not lettin' 'im catch you up. I 'aven't 'unt-
ed myself, sir, but I've 'eard tell as ’ow a sharp
gent sometimes spots the fox afore any of the
hothers. That's 'ow to do it, in my opinion."
I thought this over and the scheme seemed ex-
cellent.
“We shall arrange it thus," I said: “You will
mount one horse and I the other. We shall ride
together and look for the fox.”
Conceive of my servant's delight. I do not be-
lieve that if I had offered him a hundred pounds
he would have felt so much joy.
I dressed myself with the most scrupulous ac-
curacy, for I was resolved that nothing about me
should suggest the novice. My pink coat fitted
to within half a little wrinkle in an inconspicuous
place, my breeches were a miracle of sartorial art,
the reflection from my top-boots perceptibly light-
ened the room. No one at the breakfast-table cut
more dash. I had secured a seat beside Miss
Trevor-Hudson and we jested together with a
friendliness that must have disturbed Lumme,
for he watched us furtively, with a dark look on
his face, and never addressed a word to a soul all
the time.
"I shall expect you to give me a lead to-day,"
she said to me.
"Are you well mounted ?" I asked.
125


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“I am riding my favorite gray.”
"Ride hard, then,” I said, loud enough for Lumme
to hear me. “The lead I give will be a fast one!”
Before breakfast was over we had been joined
by guest after guest who had come for the meet.
Outside the house carriages and dog-carts, spec-
tators on foot, grooms with horses, and sports-
men who had already breakfasted were assembled
in dozens, and the crowd was growing greater
every moment. I adjusted my shining hat upon
my head and went out to look for Halfred. There
he was, the centre evidently of considerable inter-
est and admiration, perched high upon one of the
gigantic and noble quadrupeds, and grasping
the other by the reins. His livery of deep-plum
color, relieved by yellow cording, easily distin-
guished him from all other grooms, while my two
steeds appeared scarcely to be able to restrain their
generous impatience, for it required three villagers
at the head of each to control their exhilaration.
“I congratulate you,” I said to my servant.
“The tout ensemble is excellent."
At that moment his mount began to plunge
like a ship at sea, and the little man went up and
down at such a rate that he could only gasp:
“'Old 'im, you there chaw - bacons! 'Old 'im
tight! 'E won't 'urt you!”
In response to this petition the villagers leaped
out of range and uttered incomprehensible sounds,
much to my amusement. This, however, was
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
quickly changed to concern when I observed my
own steed suddenly stand upon end and flourish
his fore-legs like a heraldic emblem.
“You have overfed them with oats,” I said to
.. Halfred, severely.
"Oats be” he began, and then pitched on to
the mane, "oats be" and here he just clutched
"Oats be --
ALENT
LEVERING
the saddle in time to save himself from retiring
over the tail—"oats be blowed!”
“It ain't oats that's the matter with 'em,” said a
bluff voice behind me.
I turned and saw Sir Henry looking with an
experienced eye at this performance.
“What is it?" I inquired.
“Vice,” said he. “I know that fiddle-headed
brute well; no mistakin' him. It's the beast that
broke poor Oswald's neck last season. His widow
sold him to a dealer at Rugby for fifteen pounds,
and, by Jove! here he is again, just waitin' for a
chance to break yours!”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
He turned his critical eye to Halfred's refractory
steed.
“And I think I remember that dancin' stallion,
too,” he added, grimly. “Gadl you'll have some
fun to-day, monsieurl"
This was cheerful, but there was no getting
out of it now. Indeed, the huntsman and the pack
were already leading the way to the first covert
and everybody was on the move behind them. I
mounted my homicide during one of its calmer
intervals, the villagers bolted out of the way, and
in a moment we were clearing a course through
the throng like a charge of cavalry.
"Steady there, steady!" bawled the master of
the hunt. “Keep back, will you?”
With some difficulty I managed to take my
mount plunging and sidling out to where Halfred
was galloping in circles at a little distance from
the rest of the field.
“Where are the hounds?"' I cried. “Where is
the fox?"
“In among them trees,” replied Halfred, as we
galloped together towards the master.
“Let us go after them!” I exclaimed. “Lumme
waits behind with the others. Now is our chancel"
“Come on, sir!” said Halfred, and we dashed
past the master at a pace that scarcely gave us
time to hear the encouraging cry with which he
greeted us.
The wood was small, but the trees were densely
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
packed, and it was only by the most miraculous
good luck, aided also by skilful management, that
we avoided injury from the branches. Somewhere
before us we could hear the baying of the hounds,
and we directed our course accordingly. Suddenly
there arose a louder clamor and we caught a
glimpse of white and tan forms leaping towards
us But we scarcely noticed these, for at that
same instant we had espied a small, brown animal
slipping away almost under our horses' feet.
“The fox!” cried Halfred.
“The fox!” I shouted, bending forward and
aiming a blow at it with my whip.
With a loud cheer we turned and burst through
the covert in hot pursuit, and, easily out-distancing
the hounds, broke into the open with nothing be-
fore us but Reynard himself. Figure to yourself
the sensation!
Ah, that I could inoculate you with some potent
fluid that should set your blood on fire and make
you feel the intoxication of that chase as you read
my poor, bald words! Over a fence we went and
descended on the other side, myself hatless, Hal-
fred no longer perched upon the saddle, but clinging
manfully to the more forward portions of his steed.
Then, through a wide field of grass we tore. This
field was lined all down the farther side by a hedge
of thorns quite forty feet high, which the English
call a “bulrush.” At one corner I observed a gate,
and having never before charged such a barrier,
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
I endeavored to direct my horse towards this. But
no! He had seen the fox go through the hedge,
and I believe he was inspired by as eager a desire
to catch it as I was myself. I shut my eyes, I
lowered my head, I felt my cheek torn by something
sharp and heard a great crash of breaking branches,
Figure to yourself
the Sensation!
and then, behold! I was on the farther side! My
spurs had instinctively been driven harder into
my horse's flank, and though I had long since
dropped my whip, they proved sufficient to en-
courage him to still greater exertions.
Finding that he was capable of directing his
course unassisted, and perceiving also that he
had taken the bit so firmly between his teeth as
to preclude the possibility of my guiding him
130


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
with any certainty, I discarded the reins (which
of course were now unnecessary), and confined
my attention to seeing that he should not be ham-
pered by my slipping on my saddle. One brief
glance over my shoulder showed me his stable
companion following hard, in spite of the incon-
venience of having to support his rider up on his
neck, and racing alongside came the foremost
hounds. Behind the pack were scattered in a long
procession pink coats and galloping horses, dark
habits and more galloping horses. I tried to pick
out my rival, but at that instant my horse rose to
another fence and my attention was distracted.
Another field, this time ploughed, and a stiffer
job now for my good horse. Yet he would cer-
tainly have overtaken our quarry in a few min-
utes longer had he selected that part of the next
fence I wished him to jump. But, alas! he must
take it at its highest, and the ploughed field had
proved too exhausting. We rose, there was a
crash, and I have a dim recollection of wondering
on which portion of my frame I should fall.
Then I knew no more till I found myself in the
arms of the faithful Halfred, with neither horse,
hounds, fox, nor huntsmen in sight.
“Did you catch it?" I asked.
"No, sir," said he, “but I give it a rare fright.”
But I had scarcely heard these consoling words
before I swooned again.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XIV
“You feel yourself insulted? That is
fortunate, for otherwise I should have been
compelled to!”
-HERCULE D'ENVILLE.
sales I CTURE me now, stretched upon a
se sofa in the very charming morning-
of P na room of Seneschal Court, a little
pate
bruised, a little shaken still, but mak-
Shopping ing a quick progress towards re-
covery. Exasperating, no doubt, to be inactive
and an invalid when others are well and spending
the day in hunting and shooting, but I had two
consolations. First of all, Lumme had not beaten
me. He, too, had been dismounted a few fields
farther on, and though he had ridden farthest,
yet I had gone fastest, and could fairly claim to
have at least divided the honors. But consola-
tion number two would, I think, have atoned
even in the absence of consolation number one.
In two words, this comfort was my nurse. Yes,
132


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
you can picture Amy Trevor - Hudson sitting by
the side of that sofa, intent upon a piece of fancy-
work that progresses at the rate of six stitches a
day, yet not so intent as to be unable to converse
with her guest and patient.
"You are really feeling better to-day?" she asks,
with that sparkling glance of her brown eyes that
accompanies every word, however trivial.
“Thank you; I have eaten two eggs and a plate
of bacon for breakfast, and should doubtless be
looking forward now to lunch if my thoughts were
not so much more pleasantly employed.”
"Are you thinking, then, that you will soon be
well enough to go away?”
“I am thinking," I reply, “that for some days I
shall still be invalid enough to lie here and talk to
you."
She does not look up at this, but I can see a
charming smile steal over her face and stay there
while I look at her.
“Who did you say these things to last?" she
inquires, presently, still looking at her work.
“What things? That I am fond of luncheon-
or that I am fond of you?”
“I meant,” she replies, looking at me this time
with the archest glance, “what girl did you last
tell that you were fond of her?”
Now, honestly, I cannot answer this question
off-hand with accuracy. I should have to think,
and that is not good for an invalid.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"I cannot tell you, because I do not remember
her," I reply.
She puts a wrong construction on this-as I
had anticipated.
"I don't believe you,” she says. “I am sure
you must have said these things before.”
"If you think my words are false, how can I
help myself?” I ask, with the air of one impaled
upon an ignited stake, yet resigned to this posi-
tion. “I dare not dispute with you, even to save
my character, for fear you become angry and leave
me.”
She smiles again, gives me another dazzling
glance, and then, with the elusiveness of woman,
turns the subject to this wonderful piece of work
that she is doing.
“What do you think of this flower?” she asks.
To obtain the critical reply she desires entails
her coming to the side of the couch and holding
one edge of the work while I hold the other. Then
I endeavor to hold both edges and somehow find
myself holding her hand as well. It happens so
naturally that she takes no notice of this occur-
rence but stands there smiling down at me and
talking of this flower while I look up at her face
and talk also of the flower. In fact, she seems
first conscious of that chance encounter of hands
when a step is heard in the passage. Then,
indeed, she withdraws to her seat and the very
faintest rise in color might be distinguished by
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
one who had acquired the habit of looking at
her closely.
It was Dick Shafthead who entered, in riding-
breeches and top-boots. I may say, by-the-way,
that he had not been reduced to a bicycle. On
the contrary, he made an excellent display upon
a horse for one who affected to be too poor to ride.
“My horse went lame,” he explained, “so I
thought I'd come back and have a look at the
patient."
From his look I could see that he was unpre-
pared to find me already provided with a nurse.
Not that it was the first time she had been here-
but then I did not happen to have mentioned that
to Dick. In a few moments Amy left us and
he looked with a quizzical smile first at the door
through which she had gone and then at me.
“You take it turn about, I see,” he said. “I
didn't know the arrangement or I shouldn't have
interrupted.”
“I beg your pardon?” I replied. “Either my
head is still somewhat confused or I do not under-
stand English as well as I thought."
“I imagined Teddy was having a walk-over,"
said he, with a laugh.
None are so quick of apprehension as the jeal-
ous. Already a dark suspicion smote me.
“Do you allude to Miss Trevor-Hudson?” I
asked.
“Who else?"
rdonnfusenough
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"And you thought Teddy was having what you
call a walk-over?”
"I did,” said Dick. “But it is none of my busi-
ness.”
“It is my business," I replied, " to see that this
charming lady does not have her name associated
with a man she only regards as the merest ac-
quaintance.”
“Has she told you that is how she looks on Teddy?”
“She has.”
Dick laughed outright.
“What are your hours ?” he asked. “When
does Miss Hudson visit the sick-bed?”
"If you must know," I replied, “she has had
the kindness to visit me every morning; also in
the evening.”
“Then Teddy has the afternoons,” said he.
“But he has been hunting.”
“He comes home after lunch, I notice,” laughed
Dick.
I became angry.
“Do you mean that Miss Hudson—".
“Is an incorrigible flirt? Yes,” said he.
"Shafthead, you go too far!” I cried.
“My dear monsieur, I withdraw and I apolo-
gize,” he answers, with his most disarming smile.
“Have it as you wish. Only—don't let her make
a fool of you.”
He turned and walked out of the room whistling,
and I was left to digest this dark thought.
136


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Certainly it was true that I did not see much
of her in the afternoons, but then, I argued, she
had doubtless household duties. Her mother was
an affected woman who loved posing as an in-
valid and had stayed in her room ever since the
ball. Therefore she had to entertain the guests:
and, now I came to think of it, Lumme would nat-
urally press his suit whenever he saw a chance,
and how could she protect herself? Certainly
she could never compare that ridiculous little man
with-well, with any one you please. It was
absurd! I laughed at the thought. Yet I be-
came particularly anxious to see her again.

I laughed
Thought
WA
In the evening she came for a few minutes to
cheer my solitude. She could not stay: yet she
sat down. I must be very sensible; yet she lis-
tened to my compliments with a smile. She was
137


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
ravishing in her simple dress of white, that cost,
I should like to wager, some fabulous price in
Paris; she was charming; she was kind. Yes,
she had been created to be a temptation to man,
like the diamonds in her hair; and she perfectly
understood her mission. Inevitably man must
wish to play with her, to caress her, to have her
all to himself; and inevitably he must get into
that state when he is willing to pay any price for
this possession. And she was willing to make
him—and not unwilling to make another pay
also. Indeed, I do not think she could conceivably
have had too many admirers.
But I did not criticise her thus philosophically
that evening. Instead, I said to her:
“I was afraid I should not see you till to-morrow
-and perhaps not to-morrow.”
“Not to-morrow?” she asked. “Are you going
away, after all ?”
"I shall be here; but you?”
“And I suppose I must visit my patient.”
“But if Mr. Lumme does not go hunting—will
you then have time to spare?"
She rose and said, as if offended, “I don't think
you want to see me very much."
Yet she did not go. On the contrary, she stood
so close to me that I was able to seize her hand
and draw her towards me.
“Ah, no!” I cried. “Give me my turn!”
“Your turn?” she asked, drawing away a little.
138


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Yes; what can I hope for but a brief turn?
I am but one of your admirers, and if you are
kind to all—".
I paused. She gave me a bright glance, a little
smile that drove away all prudence.
“Amy!” I cried; “I have something to give
you!”
And I gave her—a kiss.
She protested, but not very stoutly.

THEATRE
GYMNASTIQUE
M. Sabot
APVT
HaeR
His a legend
"I have something else,” I said. And I was
about to present her with a very similar offering-
indeed, I was almost in the act of presentation,
when she started from me with a cry of, “Let me
go!” and before I could detain her she had fled
from the room. In her flight she passed a man
who was standing at the door, and it was he who
spoke next.
139


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“You damned, scoundrelly frog-eater*l” he re-
marked.
It was the voice of my rival, Lumme!
“Ah, monsieur!" I exclaimed, springing up.
“You have come to act the spy, I see.”
"I haven't,” he replied. “I came for Miss
Hudson-and I came just in time, too!"
"No," I said, “not just; half a minute after."
It was the yoice
of my rival, Lumme!
ta
ALDERT
"You dirty, sneaky, French beast!” he cried.
"I bring you to a decent house—the first you've
ever been to—and you go shamming sick to get a
chance of insulting a virtuous girl!”
"Shamming !"I cried. “Insulting! What words
are these?”
“Do you mean to say you aren't shamming ?
You can walk as well as me!”
* It is a legend among the English that we subsist
principally upon frogs.-D’H.
140


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Unquestionably I was more recovered than I had
admitted to myself while convalescence was so
pleasant, and now I had risen from my couch I
discovered, to my surprise, that there seemed little
the matter with me. That, however, could not
excuse the imputation. Besides, I had been ad-
dressed by several epithets, each one of which con-
veyed an insult.
“You vile, low, little English pig!" I replied ;
“you know the consequences of your language,
I suppose?”
"I'm glad to see it makes you sit up,” he replied.
I advanced a step and struck him on the face,
and then, seeing that he was about to assault me
with his fists, I laid him on the floor with a well-
directed kick on the chest.
“Now," I said, as he rose, “will you fight, or
are you afraid?"
"Fight?” he screamed. “Yes; if you'll fight
fair, you kicking froggy!”
“As to the weapons," I replied, “I am willing to
leave that question in the hands of our seconds-
swords or pistols—it is all the same to me.”
He looked for a moment a little taken aback
by my readiness.
“Ah," I smiled, "you do not enjoy the prospect
very much?”
"If you think I'm going to funk you with any
dashed weapons, you are mistaken," said Teddy,
hotly. “We don't fight like that in England,
141


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
but I won't stand upon that. My second is Dick
Shafthead.”
“And I shall request Mr. Tonks to act for me,”
I replied. “The sooner the better, I presume?"
“To-morrow morning will suit me,” said he.
“Very well,” I answered. “I shall now send a
note by my servant to Mr. Tonks.”
I bowed with scrupulous politeness, and he,
with an endeavor to imitate this courtesy, with-
drew.
Then I rang for Halfred.
-
-----
-
-


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XV
“An animal I should define as a man
who fights in a sensible way for a reason-
able end.”
-LA RABIDE.
DestekohakXTRACT from my journal at this
goles a time:
Son E
"Wednesday Night.
ole - see “All is arranged. Tonks and Shaft-
sellest head have endeavored to dissuade
us, but words have passed that cannot be over-
looked, and Lumme is as resolute to fight as I.
I must do him that credit. At last, seeing that
we are determined, they have consented to act if
we will leave all arrangements in their hands.
We are both of us willing, and all we know is
that we meet at daybreak to-morrow in a place
to be selected by our seconds. Even the weapons
have not yet been decided. Should I fall and
this writing pass into the hands of others, I wish
them to know that these two gentlemen, Mr.
143


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Shafthead and Mr. Tonks, have done their best
to procure a bloodless issue. In these circum-
stances I also wish Mr. Lumme to know that I
fully forgive him.
“My will is now made, and Halfred is remem-
bered in it. Another, too, will not find herself for-
gotten. My watch and chain and my signet-ring I
har bequeathed to Amy. Farewell, dear maiden!
Do not altogether forget me!
“Halfred is perturbed, poor fellow, at the chance
of losing a master whom, I think, he has already
learned to venerate. Yet he has a fine spirit, and
it is his chief regret that the etiquette of the duel
will not permit him to be a spectator.
“Aim at 'is wind, sir,' he advised me. “That
oughter double 'im up if you gets 'im fair. And
perhaps, sir, if you was to give 'im the second
barrel somewhere about the point of 'is jaw, sir,
things would be made more certain-like.'
“And what if he aims at these places himself ?'
I asked.
“Duck, sir, the minute you see 'im a-pulling
of his trigger-like this, sir.'
“He showed me how to 'duck' scientifically,
and I gravely thanked him. I had not the heart
to tell how different are the fatal circumstances of
the duel, his devotion touched me so. I have told
him to lay out my best dark suit, a white shirt, my
patent-leather boots, and a black tie that will not
make a mark for the bullet. He is engaged at
144


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
present in packing the rest of my things, for, what-
ever the issue, I cannot stay longer here. Fare-
well again. Amy! Now I shall write to my friends
in France, and warn them of the possibilities that
may arise. Then to bed!”
I have given this extract at length, that it may
be seen how grave we all considered the situation,
and also to disprove the common idea that Eng-
lishmen do not regard the duel seriously. They
are, however, a nation of sportsmen, whose war-
fare is waged against the "furs and feathers,”
and the refinements of single combat practised
elsewhere are little appreciated, as will presently
appear.
It was scarcely yet daylight when I left my room,
and with a little difficulty made my way along dim
corridors and down shadowy stairs to the garden
door, by which it had been decided we could most
stealthily escape to the rendezvous. Through the
trimmed evergreens and the paths where the leaf-
fall of the night still lay unswept I picked my
course upon a quiet foot that left plain traces in
the dew, but made no sound to rouse the sleeping
house. A wicket-gate led me out into the park,
and there I followed a path towards an oak paling
that formed the boundary along that side. At
the end of this path a gate in the paling took me
into a narrow lane, and this gate was to be our
rendezvous.
145
TO


THE ALVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“You still wish to fight?”
Lumme and I both bowed.
"You both refuse to settle your differences ami-
cably?”
"I refuse," replied Lumme.
"And I, certainly,” I said.
“Very well,” said Dick, "it only remains to as-
sure you that the loser will be decently interred.”
Here both he and Tonks were obviously affected
by a very natural emotion; with a distinct effort
he cleared his throat and resumed:
“And to tell you the conditions of the combat.
Here are the weapons.”
Conceive our astonishment when we were each
· solemnly handed a double-barrelled shot-gun and
a bagful of No. 5 cartridges! Even Lumme rec-
ognized the unsuitability of these firearms.
"I say, hang it!” he exclaimed; “I'm not going
to fight with these!”.
“Tonks, I protest!” I said, warmly. “This is
absurd.”
“Only things you're going to get,” replied
Tonks, stolidly.'
“Gentlemen,” said Shafthead, with more cour-
tesy, “you have agreed to fight in any method we
decide. If you back out now we can only sup-
pose that you are afraid of getting hurt-and in
that case why do you fight at all?”.
"All right, then,” replied Lumme, with an élan
I must give him every credit for; "I'm game."
147


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“And I am in your hands,” said I, with a shrug
that was intended to protest, not against the dan-
ger, but the absurdity of the weapons. “At what
distance do we stand ?”
"In that matter we propose to introduce another
novelty,” replied Dick.
“To make it more sporting,” explained Tonks.
“Just so,” said Dick. “You see that planta-
tion? We are going to put one of you in one end
and the other in the other; you have each fifty
cartridges, and you can fire as soon as you meet
and as often as you please. One of the seconds
will remain at either end to welcome the survivor.”
"Oh, that's not a bad idea,” said Lumme, bright-
ening up.
I had my own opinion on this unheard-of inno-
vation, but I kept it to myself.
“Now you toss for ends," said Tonks. “Call.”
He spun a shilling, and Lumme called “Heads."
“Heads it is,” said Tonks. “Which end?''
“It doesn't make much difference, I suppose,”
replied Teddy. “I'll start from this end.”
“Right you are,” said Dick. “Au revoir,
monsieur. When you are ready to enter the wood
fire a cartridge to let us know. Here is an extra
one I have left for signalling.”
I bowed and followed my second across the lane
and through a narrow gate in a high hedge that
bounded the side farthest from the park. Lumme
was left with Shafthead in the lane to make his
148


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
way to the nearest end of the wood, so that I should
see no more of him till we met gun to shoulder in
the thickets. I confess that at that moment I could
think only of our past friendship and his genial
virtues, and it was with a great effort that I forced
myself to recall his insults and harden my heart.
We now walked down a long field shut in by
trees on either hand. At the farther end from the
lane these plantations almost met, so that they
and the hedge enclosed the field all the way round
except for one narrow gap. Here Tonks stopped
and turned.
“You enter here,” he said, indicating the wood
on the right-hand side of this gap, “and you work
your way back till you meet him. By-the-way,
if you happen to hear shots anywhere else pay
no attention. The keeper often comes out after rab-
bits in the early morning.”
"But if he hears us?” I asked.
"Oh, we've made that right. He knows we are
out shooting. Good luck."
I would at least have clasped the hand of pos-
sibly the last man I should ever talk with. I
should have left some message, said something;
but with the phlegmatic coolness of his nation
he had turned away before I had time to reply.
For a moment I watched him strolling noncha-
lantly from me with his hands in his pockets, and
then I fired my gun in the air and stepped into
the trees.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Well, it might be an 'unorthodox method of
duelling, but there could be no questioning the
element of hazard and excitement. Here was I
at one end of a narrow belt of trees, not thirty
yards wide and nearly a quarter of a mile in length,
and from the other came a man secking my life.
Every moment must bring us nearer together, till
before long each thicket, each tree-stem, might
conceal the muzzle of his gun.. And the trees and
undergrowth were dense enough to afford shelter
to a whole company.
Three plans only were possible. First, I might
remain where I was and trust to catching him
unnerved, and perhaps careléss, at the end of a
long and fruitless search. But this I dismissed
at once as unworthy of a man of spirit, and, in-
deed, impossible for my temperament. Secondly,
I might advance at an even pace and probably
meet him about the middle. This also I dismissed
as being the procedure he would naturally ex-
pect me to adopt. Finally, I might advance with
alacrity and encounter him before I was expected.
And this was the scheme I adopted.
At a good pace I pushed my way through the
branches and the thornse wishing now, I must
confess, that I had adopted a costume more suit-
able for this kind of warfare, till I had turned
the corner of the field and advanced for a little
distance up the long side. While I was walking
down with Tonks I had taken the precaution of
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
noting a particularly large pine which seemed
as nearly as possible the half-way mark, but now
a disconcerting reflection struck me. That pine
was, indeed, half-way down the side of the field,
but I had also had half of the end to traverse, so
that the point at which we should meet, going at
a similar pace, would be considerably nearer than
I had calculated. Supposing, then, that Lumme
was also hastening to meet me, he might even
now be close at hand! I crouched behind a thorn-
bush and listened.
It was a still, delightful morning; the sun just
risen; the air fresh; no motion in the branches.
Every little sound could be distinctly heard, and
presently I heard one; a something moving in
another thicket not ten paces away. I raised my
gun, aimed carefully, and pulled the trigger.
The stealthy sound ceased, and instead a pheas-
ant flew screaming out of the wood. No longer
could there be any doubt of my position. I ex-
ecuted a strategic retreat for a short distance to
upset my enemy's calculations and waited for
his approach. But I heard nothing except two
or three shots from the plantation across the field,
where the keeper had evidently begun his shoot-
ing. I advanced again, though more cautiously,
but in a very short time was brought to a sudden
stand-still by a movement in a branch overhead.
The diabolical thought flashed through my mind,
“He is aiming at me from a tree!"
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Instantly I raised my gun and discharged both
barrels into the leaves. There came down, not
Lumme, but a squirrel; yet the incident inspired
me with an idea. I chose a suitable tree, and,
having scrambled up with some difficulty (which
was not lessened by the thought that I might
be shot in the act), I waited for my rival to pass
below.
Five minutes passed — ten - fifteen. I heard
more shots from the keeper's gun. I slew two foxes
and a pheasant which were ill-advised enough
to make a suspicious stir in the undergrowth; but
not a sign of Lumme. I had not even heard him
fire one shot since the duel began. Some mystery
here, evidently. Perhaps he was waiting patient-
ly for me to approach within a few paces of the
lane whence he started. And I-should I court
his cartidges by falling into a trap I had thought
of laying inyself?
Yet one of us must move, or we should be the
laughing-stock of the country-side, and if one of
two must attack, the brave man can be in no doubt
as to which that is. I descended, and with in-
finite precautions slowly pushed my way forward,
raking with my shot every bush that might con-
ceal a foe. Suddenly between the trees I saw a
man-undoubtedly a man this time. I put my
hand in my cartridge-bag. One cartridge re-
maining, besides two in my chambers; three car-
tridges against a man who had still left fifty! Yet
152


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“The devil!” I exclaimed.
“By Jove!” said Tonks.
“Can you explain this?" I asked him.
“I? No; unless you passed each other.”
“Passed!” I cried, scornfully.
I threw the gate open and advanced to meet
them.' To my surprise, Lumme looked at me
with no sign of shame, but rather with indigna-
tion.
“Well,” he cried to me, "you're a fine man to
fight a duel. Been in a ditch?”
“Poltroon!" I replied. “Where did you hide
yourself?”
“I hide?" said he. “Where have you been
hiding?"
“Do you mean to tell me that you men never
met?” asked Shafthead.
“Never!” we cried together.
“Tonks,” said he, “into which plantation did
you put your man?”
“The right-hand one," said Tonks.
“The right!” exclaimed Dick. “Then you have
been in different woods! Oh, Tonks, this is scan-
dalous!”
But my second had already turned his head
away, and seemed so bowed by contrition that
my natural anger somewhat relented.
“Possibly your own directions were not clear,"
I suggested.
“Ah,” said Dick, “I see how it was! He must
155


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
have turned round, and that made his right hand
his left."
“Well,” said Lumme, “you've made a nice mess
of it. What's to be done now?"
“I am in my second's hands," I replied.
“And I think you've fought enough,” said

bowed by
contritioner
20
SAW
COP
nomys
3
ALERT
purthi
Tonks. “How many cartridges did you fire,
Lumme?"
“Thirty-two,” said he.
"Well, hang it, you've loosed seventy-nine car-
tridges between you, and that's more than any
other duellists I ever heard of. Let's pull up the
sticks* and come in to breakfast."
"Is honor satisfied ?” asked Dick, who had more
appreciation of the delicacies of such a sentiment
than my prosaic second.
Lumme and I glanced at each other, and we
*"Pull up sticks”-a football metaphor.-D'H.
156


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
remembered now our past intimacy; also, perhaps,
the strain of that fruitless search for each other
among those thorny woods.
“Mine is,” said Lumme.
"Mine also," said I.
And thus ended what so nearly was a fatal en-
counter.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
C.
Chapter XVI
“Heed my words! Beware of women,
Shallowest when overbrimmin',
Deepest when they wish you well!
Tears and trifles, lace and laughter,
The Deuce alone knows what they're
after-
And he's too much involved to tell.”
-ANON.
sekaramE all walked back from the field of
si se battle in a highly amicable frame of
se W s mind. Going across the park, Lumme
se me and I fell a little behind our seconds
plant and conversed with the friendliness of
two men who have learned to respect each other.
We had cordially shaken hands, we laughed, we
even jested about the hazards we had escaped-one
would think that no more complete understanding
could be desired. Yet there was still a little thorn
pricking us both, a thorn that did not come from
the woods in which we had waged battle, but lived
158


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
in the peaceful house before us. Our talk flagged;
we were silent. Then Teddy abruptly remarked:
"I say, I don't want to rake up by-gones and
that sort of thing, don't you know, but-er-you
mustn't try to kiss her again, d’Haricot.”
“ Try?" I replied, a little nettled at this asper-
sion on my abilities. “Why not say, “You must
not kiss her again '?”
“By Jove! did you?” cried Teddy, stopping.
I shrugged my shoulders.
“My dear Lumme, the successful man is he
who lies about himself and holds his tongue about
women.”
“Be hanged!” he exclaimed.
“Well, why not be?” I inquired, placidly.
“I don't believe it,” he asserted.
"Continue a sceptic,” I counselled.
"She told me she had never kissed any one
else,” he blurted out.
It was now my turn to start.
“Except whom?” I asked.
“Me-if you must know,” said Teddy.
“You kissed her?” I cried.
“Well, it doesn't matter to you."
“Nor does it matter to you that I did," I retorted.
“But did you?” he asked, with such a painful
look of inquiry that my indignation melted into
humor.
"My dear friend,” I replied, “I see it all now.
She has deceived us both! We are in the same
159


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
ship, as you would say; two of those fools that
women make to pass a wet afternoon.”
“You mean that she has been flirting with me?"
he asked, with a woe-begone countenance.
“Also with me,” I answered, cheerfully. For
a false woman, like spilled cream, is not a matter
worth lament.
"I shall ask her,” he said, after a minute or
two.
"Have you ever known a woman before?” I
asked.
“I've known dozens of 'em,” he replied, with
some indignation.
“And yet you propose to ask one whether she
has been true to you?”
“Why shouldn't I?”
“Because, my friend, you will receive such an
answer as a minister gives to a deputation."
“But they might both tell the truth.”
"Neither ever lies," I replied. “Diplomacy and
Eve were invented to obviate the necessity.”
This aphorism appeared to give him some food
for reflection-or possibly he was merely silenced
by a British disgust for anything that was not
the roast beef of conversation.
We had come among the terraces and the trim
yews and hollies of the garden. The long west
wing of Seneschal Court with the high tower above
it were close before us. Suddenly he stopped
behind the shelter of a pruned and castellated
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
think she is very digestible either for you or for
me. We get pains inside and little nourishment.”
“I like her awfully,” said poor Teddy.
“Who would not?” I replied. “If a girl is beau-
tiful, charming, not too chary of her favors, and
yet not inartistically lavish; if she knows how
to let a smile spring gently from an artless dim-
ple, how to aim a bright eye and shake a light
curl; and if she is not too fully occupied with
others to spare one an hour or two of these charms,
who would not like her? Personally, I should
adore her—while it lasted.”
“Do you really think she isn't all she seems?”
he asked, in a doleful voice.
"On the contrary, I think she is more; consid-
erably more. My dear Lumme, I have studied
this girl dispassionately, critically, as I would a
work of art offered me for sale, and I pronounce
my opinion in three words-she is false! I coun-
sel you, my friend, to leave with me this morning."
“And I should advise you to take this gentle-
man's advice,” exclaimed a voice behind us, in a
tone that I cannot call friendly. We turned, pos-
sibly with more precipitation than dignity, to see
Miss Amy herself within five paces of us. Evi-
dently she had just appeared round the edge of
the castellated hedge, though how long she had
been standing on the other side I cannot pretend
to guess. Long enough, at any rate, to give her
a very flushed face and an eye that sparkled more
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
brightly than ever. Indeed, I never saw her to
more advantage.
“How dare you?” she cried, tears threatening
in her voice; “how dare you-talk of me so!"
“Mademoiselle" I began, with conciliatory
humility.
"Don't speak to me!” she interrupted, and
turned her brown eyes to Lumme. Undoubted
tears glistened in them now.
“So you have been listening to this—this per-
son's slanders? And you are going away now
because you have learned that I am false? I
have been offered for sale like a work of art! He
has studied me dispassionately!”
Here she gave me a look whose wrathful sig-
nificance I will leave you to imagine.
"Go! Go with him! You may be sure that I
sha'n't ask either of you to stay!”.
Never had two men a better case against a wom-
an, and never, I am sure, have two men taken
less advantage of it.
“Miss Hudson; I say—” began poor Teddy,
in the tone rather of the condemned murderer than
the inexorable judge.
“Don't answer me!" she cried, and turned the
eyes back to me.
The tears still glistened, but anger shone through
them.
“As for you, You-you-brute !"
“Pardon me," I replied, in a reasonable tone,
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“the conversation you overheard was intended
for another."
“Yes,” she exclaimed, “while you are trying
to force your odious attentions on me, you are
attacking me all the time behind my back.”
“Behind a hedge,” I corrected, as pleasantly
as possible.
But this did not appear to mollify her.
“You think every woman you meet is in love
with you, I suppose,” she sneered. “Well, you
may be interested to know that we all think you
simply a ridiculous little Frenchman.”
"Little!” I exclaimed, justly incensed at this
unprovoked and untrue attack. “What do you
then call my friend?"
For Lumme was considerably smaller than I,
and might indeed have been termed short.
“He knows what I think of him," she answered ;
and with this ambiguous remark (accompanied
by an equally ambiguous flash of her brown eyes
at Teddy), she turned scornfully and hurried to
the house.
For a moment we stood silent, looking some-
what foolishly at each other.
"You've done it now," said Teddy, at length.
“I have,” I replied, my equanimity returning.
“I suppose I'll have to clear out too. Hang it,
you needn't have got me into a mess like this,”
said he, in an injured tone.
“Better a mess than a snare,” I retorted. “Let
164


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
us look up a good train, eat some breakfast, and
shake the dust of this house from our feet.”
He made no answer, and when we got to the
house he tacitly agreed to accompany Shafthead
and myself by the 11.25 train.
* Little!...What do
Youthen call
my friend?" OCH
Home
ALBERT
LEVERING
My things were packed. Halfred and a foot-
man were even piling them on the carriage, and
I was making my adieux, when I observed this
dismissed suitor enter the hall with his customary
cheerful air and no sign of departure about him.
“Are you ready?" I asked him.
“They've asked me to stay till to-morrow,”
165


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
he replied, with a conscious look he could not
conceal, “and-er-well, there's really no neces-
sity for going to-day. Good-bye—see you soon
in town.”
“Good-bye,” said Amy, sweetly, but with a
look in her eyes that belied her voice. “I am so
glad we have been able to persuade one of you to
stay a little longer.”
“Better a little fish than an empty dish,” I said
to myself, and revolving this useful maxim in
my mind I departed from Seneschal Court.

Betteri
a lit
fish
that
ar choti
dish
versus
ERING/


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XVII
“I tell thee in thine ear, he is a man
'Tis wiser thou shouldst drink with than
affront!
-BEN VERULAM.
and UT what is in it?"
shop “I don't know, sir,” said Mr. Titch.
pe "B ol I had just got back to my rooms
space and stood facing a gigantic packing-
case that had appeared in my ab-
sence. It was labelled, “For Mr. Balfour, care of
M. d'Haricot. Not to be opened.” Not another
word of explanation, not a letter, not a message,
nothing to throw light on the mystery. The three
Titches and Halfred stood beside me also gazing
at this strange offering.
"Could it be fruit, sir?”' suggested Mrs. Titch,
in her foolishly wise fashion.
"Fruit!” said Aramatilda, scornfully. “It must
weigh near on a ton.”
“You 'aven't ordered any furniture inadvertent-
167


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
ly, as it were, sir?'' asked Halfred, scratching his
head, sagely.
If anybody has ordered this it is evidently Mr.
Balfour," I replied.
“Who is Mr. Balfour, sir?” said Aramatilda.
“Do you know?” I asked Mr. Titch.
My landlord looked solemn, as he always did
when speaking of the great.
“There is the Right Honorable Arthur Balfour,
nephew to the Marquis—”.
“Yes, yes,” I interrupted; "but I do not think
that admirable statesman would confide his pur-
chases to me.”
“Then, sir," said Mr. Titch, with an air of wash-
ing his hands of all lesser personages, "I give it
up."
“I wish you could," I replied, “but I fear it must
remain here for the present.”
They left my room casting lingering glances
at the monstrosity, and once I was alone my cu-
riosity quickly died away. I felt lonely and de-
pressed. Parting from a houseful of guests and
the cheerful air of a country-house, I realized how
foreign, after all, this city was to me. I had ac-
quaintances; I could find my way through the
streets; but what else? Ah, if I were in Paris
now! That name spelled Heaven as I said it over
and over to myself.
I said it the oftener that I might not say “wom-
an.” What mockery in that word! Yet I felt
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
that I must find relief. I opened my journal and
this is what I wrote:
“To d'Haricot from d'Haricot.-Foolish friend,
beware of those things they call eyes, of that sub-
stance they term hair, of that abstraction known
as a smile, and, above all, beware of those twin
lies styled lips. They kiss but in the intervals of
kissing others; they speak but to deceive. Never-
more shall I regard a woman more seriously than
I do this pretty, revolving ring of cigarette smoke.
"I am twenty-five, and romance is over. Follow
thou my counsel and my example.”
Outside it rained-hard, continuously, without
room for a hope of sunshine, as it only rains in
England, I think. Perhaps I may be unjust, but
certainly never before have I been so wet through
to the soul. I threw down my pen, I went to the
piano, and I began to play “L’Air Bassinette”
of Verdi. Gently at first I played, and then more
loudly and yet more loudly. So carried away
was I that I began to sing.
Now at last the rain is inaudible; my heart is
growing light again, when above my melody
I hear a most determined knocking on the door.
Before I have time to rise, it opens, and there en-
ters-my neighbor, the old General. Is it that he
loves music so much? No, I scarcely think so.
His face is not that of the ravished dolphin; on
169


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
the contrary, his eyes are bright with an emotion
that is not pleasure, his face is brilliant with a
choleric flush. I turn and face him.
“Pray do not stop your pandemonium on my
account,” he says, with sarcastic politeness. “I
have endured it for half an hour, and I now pur-
pose to leave this house and not return till you
are exhausted, sir.”
"I am obliged to you for your permission,” I
reply, with equal politeness, “and I shall now en-
deavor to win my bet."
"Your bet, sir?" he inquires, with scarcely stifled
indignation.
"I have made a bet that I shall play and sing
for thirty-six consecutive hours,” I explain.
“Then, sir, I shall interdict you, as sure as there
is law in England!”
"Have you now explained the object of this
visit?" I inquire.
"No, sir, I have not. I came in here to request
you to make yourself personally known to your
disreputable confederates in order that they may
not mistake me for a damned Bulgarian anarchist
-or whatever your country and profession happen
to be."
“May I ask you to explain this courteous yet
ambiguous demand?”
“Certainly, sir; and I trust you may see fit to
put an end to the nuisance. Two days ago I was
accosted as I was leaving this house-leaving the
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
door of my own house, sir, I would have you re-
mark! A dashed half-hanged scoundrel came up
to me and had the impudence to tell me he wanted
to speak to me. “Well,' I said, 'what is your
business, sir?'
“My name is Hankey,' said he.”
“Hankey!" I exclaimed.
“Yes, sir, Hankey. You know him, then?”
“By name only.”
“Then, sir, I had the advantage over you,”
said the General, irately. “I didn't know the
scoundrel from Beelzebub—and I told him so.
Upon that, sir, he had the audacity to throw out
a hint that my friends—as he called his dashed
gang of cut-throats—were keeping an eye on me.
I pass the hint on to you, sir, having no acquaint-
since myself with such gentry!”
“And was that all that passed ?" I asked, feel-
ing too amazed and too interested to take offence.
“No, sir, not all—but quite enough for my taste,
I assure you. I said to him, 'Sir,' I said, “I know
your dashed name and I may now tell you that
mine is General Sholto; that I am not the man
to be humbugged like this, and that I propose to
introduce you to the first policeman I see.' Gad,
you should have seen the rogue jump! Then it
seemed that he had done me the honor of mistak-
ing me for you, sir, and I must ask you to have
the kindness to take such steps as will enable your
confederates to know you when they see you, or,
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
by George! I'll put the whole business into the
hands of the police!”
I felt strongly tempted to let my indignant fellow-
lodger adopt this course, for my feelings towards
the absentee tenant of Mount Olympus House
could not be described as cordial, and the impu-
dence of his attempt to threaten me took my breath
away; but then the thought struck me, “ This man
is an agent—though I fear an unworthy one-
of the Cause. I must sink my own grievances!"
Accordingly, with a polite air, I endeavored to
lull my neighbor's suspicions, assuring him that
it was only a tailor's debt the conspiring Hankey
sought from me, and that I would settle the ac-
count and abate the nuisance that very after-
noon.
He seemed a little mollified; to the extent, at
least, that his thunder became a more distant
rumble.
"I don't want to ask too many favors at once,
sir,” he said, “but I fear I must also request
you to remove your piano to the basement for the
next six-and-thirty hours. I shall not stand it,
sir, I warn you!”.
“My dear sir," I cried, "that was but a-how
does the immortal Shakespeare call it?-a coun-
tercheck quarrelsome — that was all. I should
not have sung at all had I known you disliked
music.”
"Music! music!” exclaimed my visitor, with
172


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
an expressive blending of contempt and indigna-
tion. Then, in a milder tone, yet with the most
crushing irony, continued: “I go to every musical
piece in London and enjoy 'em sir; all of 'em.
I've even sat out a concert in the Albert Hall; so
if I'm not musical, what the deuce am I?”
"It is evident,” I replied.
"I might even appreciate your efforts, sir. Very
possibly I would, very possibly, supposing I heard
'em at a reasonable hour," said the General, with
magnanimity that will one day send him to heaven.
“But it is my habit, sir, to take a-ah-a rest in
the afternoon, and-er-er-well, it's deuced dis-
turbing.”
This is but the echo of the storm among the hills.
The wrath of my gallant neighbor is evidently
all but evaporated.
“A thousand apologies, sir. If you will be
good enough to tell me at what hours my playing
is disturbing to you, I shall regulate my melody
accordingly."
“Much obliged; much obliged. I don't want
to stop you altogether, don't you know,” says
my visitor, and abruptly inquires, “Professional
musician, I presume?”
“Did I sound like it?”
“Beg pardon; being a foreigner, I fancied you'd
probably beer—” He evidently wants to say
“a Bohemian,” but fears to wound my feelings.
“A damned Bulgarian anarchist,'” I suggest.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
He snorts, laughs, and apparently is already
inclined to smile at his recent heat.
"I'm a bad-tempered old boy,” he says. “Par-
don, mossoo."
He is ashamed, I can see, that John Bull should
have condescended to lose his temper with a mere
foreigner. This point of view is not flattering;
but the naïveté of the old boy amuses me.
"Take a seat, sir," I now venture to suggest,
"and allow me to offer you a little whiskey and a
little soda water.”
He hesitates for a moment, for he has not in-
tended that pacification should go to this length;
but his kindness of heart prevails. He has erred
and he feels he must do this penance for his lack
of discretion. So he says, “Thank you," and
down he sits.
And that was the beginning of my acquaint-
ance with my martial neighbor, General Sholto.
In half an hour we were talking away like old
friends; indeed, I soon began to suspect that the
old gentleman felt as pleased as I did to have com-
pany on that wet afternoon.
"I understand that you adorn the British army,"
I remark.
“I was a soldier, sir ; I was a soldier. I would
be now if I'd had the luck of some fellows. A
superannuated fossil; that's what I am, mossoo;
an old wreck, no use to any one."
As he says this, he draws himself up to show
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
that the wreck still contains beans, as the English
proverb expresses it, but the next moment the fire
dies out of his eyes and he sits meditatively, look-
ing suddenly ten years older. He did not intend
me to believe his words, but to himself they have
a meaning.
I am silent.
“I am one of the unemployed,” he adds, in a
minute.
“I also," I reply.
I like my neighbor; I am in need of a companion;
and I tell him frankly my story. His sympathies
are entirely with me.
“I'm happy to meet a young man who sticks
up for the decencies nowadays,” he says. “Bring
back your King, sir, give him a free hand, and
set us an example in veneration and respect and
all the rest of it. You'll make a clean sweep, I
suppose. Guillotine, eh? Not a bad thing if used
on the proper people.”
I am ashamed to confess how half-hearted my
own theories of restoration are, compared with this
out-and-out suggestion. I can but twist my mus-
tache, and, looking as truculent as possible, mut-
ter:
"Well, well, we shall see when the time comes.
When at last he rises to leave me, he repeats
with emphasis his conviction that republicanism
should be trodden out under a heavy boot, and so
mollified is he by my tactful treatment that as we
175


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
part he even invites me into that carefully guarded
room of his. It is not yet a specific invitation.
"Some day soon I'll hope to see you in my own
den, mossoo. Au revoir, sir; happy to have met
you."
Yet I cannot help thinking that even this is a
triumph of diplomacy. My spirits rise; my ridic-
ulous humors have been charmed quite away.
As for woman, she seems not even worth cynical
comment in my journal. “Give me man!” I say
to myself.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"I descend again to wait in that quiet and sooth-
ing court, where the fountain plays and the gold-
fish swim and the autumn leaves tremble over-
head. Now and then one of these drops stealthily
upon the pavement; the pigeons flit by, settle,
fly off again; people pass occasionally; but at first
that is all that happens. At last there enters a
woman, who does not pass through, but loiters on
the farther side of the fountain as though she were
meditating—or waiting for somebody. So far as
I can judge in the half-light and at a little distance,
she is young, and her outline is attractive; there-
fore I conclude she is not meditating.
“She does not see me, but I should like to see
more of her. I walk round the fountain and come
up behind her. She hears my step, turns sharply,
and approaches, evidently prepared to greet me.
Words are on the tip of her tongue, when abruptly
she starts back. She does not know me, after all.
But quickly, before she has time to recover herself,
I raise my hat and say:
“I cannot be mistaken. We have met at the
bishop's?'
"It is a happy inspiration, I think, to choose so
respectable a host, and for a moment she is stag-
gered. Probably she does actually know a bish-
op, and may have met a not ill-looking gentleman
somewhat resembling myself at his house. In this
moment I perceive that she is certainly young and
very far removed, indeed, from being unattractive.
178


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"To me, meeting her dark eyes for an instant,
and then seeing the fair, full face turn to a fair
profile as she looks away in some confusion, she
seems beyond doubt very beautiful. A simple
straw hat covers her dark coil of hair and slopes
arrogantly forward over a luminous and brilliant

എന്നവ
AH
OND
AGAT
she hears my step
eye; her nose is straight, her mouth small, sug-
gesting decision and a little petulance, her chin
deep and finely moulded, her complexion 'delicate
as a rare piece of alabaster, while her figure matches
these distracting charms.
"I make these notes so full that I may the better
summon her to my memory. Also I note that the
colors she wears are rich and bright; there is red
and there is dark green; and they seem to make
her beauty stand out with a boldness that corre-
sponds to the dark glance of her eye. Not that she
179


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
is anything but most modest in her demeanor,
but, ahl that eye! Its glow betrays a fire deep
underneath.
“Her eye meets mine again, then she says:
“I–I don't know you. I thought you were—
I mean I don't know why you spoke to me.'
"Evidently she does not quite know how to
meet the situation.
"I decide that it is the duty of a gentleman to
assist her.
“I spoke because I thought I knew you, and
hoped for an instant I was remembered.'
"You had no business to,' she replies. Her
air is haughty, but a little theatrical. I mean
that she does not entirely convince me of her dis-
pleasure.
“Mademoiselle, I offer you a thousand apolo
gies. I see now that if I had really met you before
I could not possibly confuse your face with an-
other's. Doubtless I ought to have been more
cautious, but as you perhaps guess, I am a for-
eigner, and I do not understand the English
customs in these matters.'
"She receives this speech with so much com-
plaisance that I feel emboldened to continue.
“I am also solitary, and meeting with a face I
thought I knew seemed providential. Do you
grant me your pardon?
"She gives a little laugh that is more than half
friendly.
180


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Of course—if it was a mistake.'
“Such a pleasant mistake that I should like to
continue in error,' I reply.
“But at this she draws back, and her expression
changes a little. It does not become altogether
hostile, but it undoubtedly changes.
“May I ask you a favor?' I say, quickly, and
with a modest air. 'I was looking for a friend
and have become lost in this Temple. Can you
tell me where number thirty-four is?
“Yes,' she replies, with a look that penetrates,
and, I think, rather enjoys, this simple ruse, “it is
next to number thirty-three.' And with that she
turns to go, so abruptly that I cannot help sus-
pecting she also desires to hide a smile.
“But observing that I, too, shall not waste more
time here, I also turn, and as she does not actually
order me away, I walk by her side, studying her
afresh from the corner of my eye. She is of mid-
dle height, or perhaps an inch above it; she walks
with a peculiar swing that seems to say, “I do not
care one damn for anybody'; and the expression
of her eyes and mouth bear out this sentiment.
“Does she resent my conduct?
“Yes, probably she does, though my demeanor
is humility itself.
"You came to enjoy the quiet of the Temple,
mademoiselle?'
“I was enjoying it—till I was interrupted,' she
answers, still smiling, though not in my direction.
181


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“I notice that she again casts her eye round the
court, and I make a reckless shot.
“Perhaps you, too, expected to see a friend ?'
“The eyes blaze at me for an instant.
“No, I did not,' she says, abruptly, and mends
her pace still further.
"I noticed another lady here before you came,'
I say, mendaciously, and with a careless air, as
though I thought it most natural that two ladies
should rendezvous at that hour in the Temple.
She gives me a quick glance, which I meet un-
ruffled.
“We pass through a gate and into a side street,
and here, by the most evil fortune, a cab was stand-
ing.
“Cabman,' says the lady, abruptly, 'are you
engaged?'
“ The next moment she has sprung into the
cab, bade me a 'good - bye' that seems com-
pounded of annoyance and of laughter, with per-
haps a touch of kindness added, thrown me a
swift glance of her brilliant eyes, and jingled out
of my sight. And I have not even learned her
name.
“This exit of the fair Miss Unknown is made
so suddenly that for half a minute I stand with
my hat in my hand still, foolishly smiling.
“Then I give an exclamation that might be
deemed profane, rush round a corner and up a
street, catch a glimpse of the back of a cab disap-
182


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
pearing into the traffic of the Strand, leap into an-
other, and bid my driver pursue that hansom in front.
"Well, I had a spirited chase while it lasted, for
my quarry had a swift steed, and there were many
other cabs in the Strand that would have confused
the scent for any but the most relentless sleuth-
hound. It ended in Pall Mall, where I had the
satisfaction of seeing the flying chariot deposit a
stout gentleman before a most respectable club.
"I drove to my rooms with my ardor cooled and
my cynicism fast returning, and had almost landed
at my door when a most surprising coincidence
occurred, so surprising that I suspect it was the
contrivance of either Providence or the devil. A
cab left the door just as I drove up, and in it sat
Miss Unknown! I was too dumfounded to turn in
pursuit, and, besides, I was too curious to learn the
reason of this visit.
"By the greatest good luck the door was opened
by Halfred, who in his obliging way lent his ser-
vices now and then when the maid was out.
“Did she leave her name?' I cried.
“' Beg pardon, sir?' said Halfred, in astonish-
ment.
“I mean the lady who just called for me.'
“She hasked for General Sholto, sir.'
“My face fell.
"The devil she did!' I exclaimed.
"Yes, sir,' said he; 'that's the lady as visits
'im sometimes.'
183


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XIX
"Introduce you to my mistress? I should
as soon think of lending you my umbrella!"
-HERCULE D'ENVILLE.
okolieska OOD- MORNING, General. I have
gla s s come to return your call.”
saG su The General stood in the door of
se his room, holding it half closed behind
pe
him. He wore a very old shooting-
coat, smeared with many curious stains. Evidently
he was engaged upon some unclean work, and evi-
dently, also, he would have preferred me to call at
some other hour. I remembered, now, Halfred's
dark hints as to his occupation; but I remembered
still more distinctly the dark eyes of Miss Un-
known, and, whether he desired my company or
not, I was determined to spend that morning in his
room.
“Morning, mossoo,” he said. “Glad to see
you, but-er-I'm afraid I'm rather in a mess at
present.”
185


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“You are the better company, then, for a con-
spirator who is never out of one,” I replied, gayly.
Still he hesitated.
“My dear General, positively I shall not permit
you to treat me with such ceremony," I insisted.
“I shall empty your ink-pot over my coat to keep
you company if you persist in considering me
too respectable.”
Well, who could withstand so importunate a
visitor? I entered the carefully guarded chamber,
smiling at myself at the little dénouement that
was to follow, and curious in the mean time to see
what kind of a den it was that this amorous dragon
dwelt in. The first glance solved the mystery
of his labors. An easel stood in one corner, a
palette and brushes lay on a table, a canvas rested
upon the easel ; in a word, my neighbor pursued
the arts!
He looked at me a little awkwardly as I glanced
round at these things.
“Fact is, I dabble a bit in art,” he explained.
“I have nothing to do, don't you know, ander-
I always felt drawn to the arts. Amateur work
-mere amateur work, as you can see for yourself,
but I flatter myself this ain't so bad, eh? Miss
Ara-Ara-what the devil's her name?—Titch.
Done from memory, of course; I don't want these
busybodies here to know what I'm doing.”
“You keep your proficiency a secret, then?”
I said, gazing politely at this wonderful work of
186


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
memory. It was not very like nor very artistic,
and I wished to avoid passing any opinion.
"Never told a soul but you, mossoo, and-er-
well, there's only one other in the secret."
Again I smiled to myself.

CERT
LEIERING
Fact is I dabble abitin
"It must be delightful to perpetuate the faces
of your lady friends," I remarked.
The old boy smiled with some complacency.
“That's rather my forte, I consider," he replied.
“You are fortunate!” I cried. “I would that
I had such an excuse for my gallantries!”
“Come now, mossoo, I'm an old boy, remember!”
he protested, though he did not seem at all dis-
pleased by this innuendo.
“You are at the most dangerous age for a wom-
an's peace of mind.”
187


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Tuts-nonsense!” said he. “Twenty years
ago, I don't mind admitting-er-"
"I understand! And twenty years subsequent
to that? Ah, Generall
He laughed good-humoredly. He admitted that
for his years he was certainly as youthful as most
men. He had become in an excellent temper both
with himself and his guest, when suddenly our
conversation was interrupted by a knocking at the
door. He barely had time to open it when the
dénouement arrived. In other words, Miss Un-
known stepped into the room. Yet at the threshold
she paused, for I could see that at the first glance
she recognized me and knew not what to make
of this remarkable coincidence.
As she stood there she made a picture that put
into the shade anything a much greater artist
than the General could have painted, with her
deep, finely turned chin cast a little upward and
her dark, glowing eyes looking half arrogantly,
half doubtingly, round the room. I noted again
the petulant, wilful expression in the small mouth
and the indescribable, untamed air. As before,
she was dressed in bright colors, that set her off
as a heavy gold frame sets off a picture; only her
color this time was a vivid shade of purple.
She paused but for a moment, and then she
evidently made up her mind to treat me as a
stranger, for she turned her glance indifferently to
my host and asked, in an off-hand tone,
188


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Didn't you know I was coming this morning ?”
"I? No," said he, with an air as embarrassed
as I could have wished.
“I left a message yesterday afternoon.”
"I never got it.”
“You mean you forgot it.”
"I mean I never got it,” he repeated, irately
this time.
She made a grimace, as much as to say, “Don't
lose your temper,” and glanced again at me.
“My niece, Miss Kerry," said he, hurriedly, in-
troducing me with a jerk of his hand.
His "niece"! I smiled to myself at this eu-
phonism, but bowed as deferentially as if I had
really believed her to be his near relation, for I
have always believed that the flattery of respect
paves the way more readily than any other.
She smiled charmingly, while I by my glance
endeavored further to assure her that my dis-
cretion was complete.
We exchanged a few polite words, and then she
turned contemptuously to the canvas.
"Are you still at this nonsense?” she asked,
with a smile, it is true, but not a very flattering
one.
"Still at it, Kate," he replied, looking highly
annoyed with her tone.
Evidently this hobby of his was a sore subject
between them and one which did not raise him
in her estimation. For a moment I was assailed
189


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
by compunction at having thus let her convict
him in the ridiculous act. “Yet, after all, they are
May and December,” I reflected, “and if the worst
comes to the worst, I can find a much more suitable
friend for this ‘niece.""
With a movement that was graceful in spite
of its free and easy absence of restraint, she rum-
maged first for and then in her pocket and pro-
duced a letter which she handed to her “uncle,"
asking,
“What is the meaning of this beastly thing ?”
Yes, unquestionably her language, like her car-
riage and her eyes, had something of the savage
queen.
The General read the missive with a frown and
glanced in my direction uncomfortably as he an-
swered,
"It is obviously-er—"
“Oh, it's by way of being a bill,” she interrupted.
“I don't need to be told that. But what am I to
do?"
“Pay it.”
“Well, then, I'll need—” She stopped, glanced
at me, and then, with a defiantly careless laugh,
said, boldly, “I'll need an advance."
"The deuce you will!” said the General. “At
this moment I can scarcely go into–”.
"Don't trouble,” she interrupted. “Just write
me a check, please.”
Without a word, but with a very sulky expres-
190


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
sion, the General banged open a writing-desk and
hastily scribbled in his check-book, while the un-
dutiful Miss Kerry turned to me as graciously as
ever. But I thought I had carried my plot far
enough for the present. Besides, she must come
down-stairs, and my room was on the ground floor.
"I fear I must leave you, General,” I said.
“I must go, too,” said Miss Kerry, as I turned
to make my adieux to her. “Good-bye, uncle.
Much obliged for this."
It seemed to my ear that there was a laugh in
that word “uncle," and as I saw the unfortunate
warrior watch our exit with a face as purple as
his “niece's” dress, I heartily pitied the foiled
Adonis. Yet if fortune chose so to redistribute
her gifts, was it for me to complain?
“May I accompany you for a short distance
this time?" I asked.
And a couple of minutes later I was gayly walk-
ing with her from the house, prepared to hail a
cab and hurry away my prize upon the first sign
of pursuit. No appearance, however, of a bereaved
general officer running hatless and distraught
with jealousy behind us. Evidently he had re-
signed himself to his fate-or did he place such
reliance in the fidelity and devotion of his “niece”?
Well, we should see about that!
“Then you remembered me?” I said.
“How do you know?”.
"By that question. Ah, it has betrayed you!
191


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Yes, you do remember the ignorant and importu-
nate foreigner who pursued you with his unpleas-
ing attentions?”
“But it was a mistake, you said," she replied,
with a flash of her eyes that seemed to mean
much.
"A mistake, of course,' I said. “And now let
us take a cab and have some lunch.”
She appeared a little surprised at this bold
suggestion, and recollecting that an appearance of
propriety is very rigorously observed in England,
often where one would least expect it, I modified
my élan to a more formal gallantry, and very
quickly persuaded her to accompany me to the
most fashionable restaurant in Piccadilly.
Even then, though she was generous of her
smiles and those flashing glances that I could
well imagine kindling the gallant heart of Gen-
eral Sholto, and though her talk was dashed with
slang and marked with a straightforward free-
dom, yet she always maintained a sufficient dig-
nity to check any too presumptuous advances.
But by this time all compunction for my gallant
neighbor had vanished in the delights of Miss
Kerry's society, and I was not to be balked so
easily.
“To-night I wish you to do me a favor," I said,
earnestly.
“Yes ? What is it?" she smiled.
“I have a box at the Gaiety Theatre, and I should
192


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
like a friend to dine with me first, and then see
the play.”
As a matter of fact the box was not yet taken,
but how was she to know that?
“And I am to be the friend?” she asked.
“If you will be so kind?”
“My uncle is coming, of course?”!
I smiled at her, and she beamed back at me.
“We understand each other," I thought. “But,
my faith, how persistently she keeps up this little
farcel”
Aloud I said:
“Of course. Without an uncle by my side I
should not even venture to turn out the gas.
Would you?”
“Of course not!” she replied.
And so it was arranged that at half-past seven
we were to meet at this same restaurant. In the
mean time what dreams of happiness!


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XX
“Virtue is our euphonism for reaction.”
-LA RABIDE.
36
Alpha LEALF-PAST seven had just struck
g ange upon a church clock close by. Five
She H se minutes passed, ten minutes, and then
40 g she appeared, more beautiful than
spessoas ever-irresistible, in fact.
“But is this a private room?” she asked, as she
surveyed the comfortable little apartment with the
dinner laid for two, and the discreet waiter open-
ing the wine.
"It could not be more so, I assure you."
She glanced at the two places. “Isn't my uncle
coming ?” she demanded.
I was prepared for this little formality, which,
it seemed, spiced the adventure for her.
“At the last moment he was indisposed,” I ex-
plained, gravely; "but he will join us for dessert.”
The impossibility of gainsaying this, and the
attractiveness of the present circumstances-such
194


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
as they were without an uncle-quickly induced
her to accept this untoward accident with resig-
nation, and in a few minutes we were as merry a
party of two as you could wish to find. Our jests
began to have a more and more friendly sound.
“You do not care for this entrée?” I asked.
“It is rather hot for my taste."
"Not so warm as my heart at this moment," I
declared.
“What nonsense you talk!” she cried. “It has
some meaning in French, though, I suppose.
Yet she laughed delightfully.
“Much meaning,” I assured her.
“When was my uncle taken ill?” she asked,
once.
Our eyes met and we mutually smiled.
“When you left his room with me," I replied.
And this answer seemed perfectly to satisfy
her.
“What do you do with yourself all day?" I
asked.
Again she laughed.
“You will only laugh,” she said.
"I shall be as solemn as a judge, a jury, and
three expert witnesses," I assured her.
“A friend and I are starting a women's mis-
sion.”
I certainly became solemn- dumfounded, for
one instant, in fact. Then a light dawned upon
me.
195


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"Your friend is a clergyman, I presume?" I
asked.
I had noticed the poster of an evening paper with
the words “Clerical Scandal,” and I suppose that
put this solution into my head.
"My friend is a she,” she replied, with a laugh.
“Clergyman? No, thanks! We are doing it all
ourselves.”
“Ha, ha!" I laughed. “I see now what you
mean! Excellent! Forgive my stupidity."
I did not see at all, but I supposed that there
must be some English idiom which I did not un-
derstand. Doubtless I had lost an innuendo, but
then one must expect leakage somewhere. Surely
I was obtaining enough and could afford to lack
a little.
At last we arrived at dessert.
"I wonder if my uncle has come?'' she said.
"I have just been visited by a presentiment,”
I replied. "General Sholto has retired to bed.
This information has been conveyed to me by a
spirit—the spirit of love!"
She looked at me with a new expression. Ought
I to have restrained my ardor a little longer?
“Does he know I am here?” she asked, quickly.
“I assure you, on my honor, he has not the
least notion!” I declared, emphatically.
“Then,” she began, but words seemed to fail
her. "Good-night,” she said, dramatically, but
with unmistakable emphasis.
196


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
She rose and stepped towards the door with the
air of a tragedy queen.
A thought, too horrible to be true, rushed into
my heated brain.
“Stop, one moment!” I implored her. “Do you
mean to say that—that he is really your uncle?''
Her look of indignant consternation answered
the question.
I sank into my chair, and, seeing me in this
plight, she paused to complete my downfall.
“What did you imagine?” she asked.
I endeavored to collect my wits.
“Who did you think I was?” she demanded.

ALBERT
DEVON
what did
imagine?
“Mademoiselle," I replied, “behold a crushed,
a penitent, a ridiculous figure. I am even more
ignorant of your virtuous country than I imagined.
Forgive me, I implore you! I shall endow your
mission with fifty pounds; I shall walk home
197


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
barefoot; you have but to name my penance and I
shall undergo it!”.
Whether it was that my contrition was so complete
or for some more flattering reason that I may not
hint at, I cannot tell you to this day, but certainly
Miss Kerry proved more lenient than I had any
right to expect. Not that she did not give me as
unpleasant a quarter of an hour as I have ever
tingled through. I, indeed, got " what for,” as the
English say. But before she left she had actually
smiled upon me again and very graciously uttered
the words, “I forgive you.”
As for myself, I became filled with a glow of
penitence and admiration; the admiration being
a kind of moral atonement which I felt I owed to
this virtuous and beautiful girl. At that moment
the seven virtues seemed incarnate in her, and
the seven deadly sins in myself. I was in the
mood to pay her some exaggerated homage; I
had also consumed an entire bottle of champagne,
and I offered her—my services in her mission to
woman! I should be her secretary, I vowed.
Touched by my earnestness, she at last accept-
ed my offer, and when we parted and I walked
home in the moonlight, I hummed an air from a
splendid oratorio.
Though the hour was somewhat late when I got
in, it seemed to me the commonest courtesy to
pay another call upon General Sholto and inquire
-after his health, for example. I called, I found
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
him in, and not yet gone to bed as my presenti-
ment had advised me, and in two minutes we
happened to be talking about his niece.
It appeared that she was the orphan and only
child of his sister, and that for some years Kate
and her not inconsiderable fortune had been left
in his charge, but from the first I fear that she
had proved rather a handful for the old boy to
manage.
"A fine girl, sir; a handsome girl,” he declared,
"but a rum'un if ever there was. I'd once thought
of living together, making a home and all that;
but, as I said, mossoo, she's a rum girl. You
noticed her temper this morning ? Hang it, I was
ashamed of her!”
“Where is she, then?" I asked.
“Living in a flat of her own with another wom-
an. She is great on her independence, mossoo.
Fine spirit, no doubt, but-er-just a little dull for
me sometimes.”
"She is young," I urged, for I seemed to see
only Miss Kerry's side of the argument. "And
you, General”
"Am old,” he said. “Hang it, she doesn't let
me forget that.”
Evidently, I thought, my neighbor was feeling
out of sorts, or he would never show so little ap-
preciation of his charming niece. I must take
up my arms on behalf of maligned virtue.
"I am certain she regards you with a deep
199


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
though possibly not a demonstrative affection,"
I declared. “She does not know how to ex-
press it; that is all. She is love inarticulate,
General!”
“It hasn't taken you long to find that out,”
said he; but observing the confusion into which,
I fear, this threw me, he hastened to add, with a
graver air: “Young women, mossoo, and young
men too, for the matter of that, have to get tired
of 'emselves before they waste much affection
on any one else.”
I protested so warmly that the General's smile
became humorous again.
“You forget the grand passion!” I exclaimed.
"Your niece is at the age of love.".
“Possibly a young man might-er-do the trick
and that kind of thing," he replied. “But I don't
think Kate is very likely to fall in love at present
-unless it's with one of her own notions."
“Her own notions?" I asked.
“Well," he explained, "the kind of man I'd
back for a place would be a good-looking cabby
or a long-haired fiddler. She'd rig him out with
a soul, and so forth, to suit her fancy — and a
deuce of a life they'd lead!”
No use in continuing this discussion with such
an unsympathetic and unappreciative critic. He
was unworthy to be her uncle, I said to myself.
When I returned to my own rooms, I opened my
journal and wrote this striking passage:
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Illusion gone, clear sight returns. I have
found a woman worthy of homage, of admiration,
of friendship. Love (if, indeed, I ever felt that
sacred emotion for any) has departed to make
room for a worthier tenant. Reason rules my
heart. I see dispassionately the virtues of Kate
Kerry; I regard them as the mariner regards the
polar star."
I reproduce this extract for the benefit of the
young, just as—to pursue my original and nautical
metaphor — they put buoys above a dangerous
wreck or mark a reef in the chart. It is on the
same principle as the awful example who (I am
told) accompanies the Scottish temperance lecturer.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXI
“If you would improve their lot,
Put a penny in the slot!"
-ENGLISH SONG (ADAPTED).
s
ofistikliERTAINLY John Bull is a singularly
she se sentimental animal. I have said so
of c olz before, but I should like to repeat it
u se now with additional emphasis. I do
profesional not believe that he ever sold his wife
at Smithfield, or, if he did, he became dreadfully
penitent immediately after and forthwith purchased
a new one. He is not a socialist; that is a too hor-
ribly and coldly logical creed for him, but he enjoys
stepping forth from the seclusion of that well-fur-
nished castle which every Englishman is so proud
of, and dutifully endeavoring to ameliorate the con-
dition of the working-classes.
“England expects every man to do his duty,"
he repeats, as he puts his hand into his capacious
pocket and provides half a dozen mendicants with
the means of becoming intoxicated.
202


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Oh yes, my kind English friends, I admit that
I am putting it strongly; but again let me remind
you (in case you ever see these words) that if I
begin to be quite serious I shall cease to be quite
readable. The working - man, I quite allow, is
provided with the opportunity of learning the
violin and the geography of South America and
the Thirty-nine Articles of the Anglican Church,
besides obtaining many other substantial ad-
vantages from the spread of the Altruistic Idea.
You are wiser than I am (certainly more serious),
and you have done these deeds. For my part, I
shall now confine myself to recording my own
share in one of them. Only I must beg you to
remember that for a time I was actually a philan-
thropist myself, and as a mere chronicler write with
some authority.
The mission of which I now found myself unpaid
and unqualified secretary was a recently born but
vigorous infant; considering the sex for which
it catered, I think this simile is both appropriate
and encouraging. The credit of the inspiring idea
belonged to Miss Clibborn, the friend with whom
my dark-eyed divinity shared a flat; the funds
were supplied by both these ladies and from the
purses of such of their friends as admired inspiring
ideas or intoxicating glances; the office was in an
East London street of so dingy an aspect that I
felt some small peccadillo atoned for every time
I walked along its savory pavements. By the
203


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
time I had spent a day in that office I could with
confidence have murdered a member of Parliament
or abducted a clergyman's wife; so much, I was
sure, must have been placed to the credit side of
my account, that these crimes would be cancelled
at once.
Yet can I call it drudgery or penance to sit in
the same room with Kate Kerry, to discuss with
her whether Mrs. Smith should receive a mangle
or Mrs. Brown a roll of flannel and two overshoes,
to admonish her extravagance or elicit her smiles?
Scarcely, I fear, and I must base my claims to any
credit from this adventure upon the hours when
she happened to be absent and I had to amuse
myself by abortive efforts to mesmerize a peculiarly
unsusceptible office cat.
From this you will perhaps surmise that there
was no great press of business in our mission; and,
indeed, there was not, or I should not have been
permitted to conduct its affairs so long; for I spent
nearly three weeks in furthering the cause of wom-
an. As for our work, it was really too compre-
hensive to describe in detail. All women in the
district, as they were informed by a notice outside
our door, were free to come in. Advice in all cases,
assistance in some, was to be given gratuitously.
In time, when the mission had thoroughly es-
tablished its position and influence, these women
were to be formed into a league having for its
objects female franchise, a thorough reform of the
204


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
marriage laws, and the opening of all professions
and occupations whatsoever to the gentler but,
my employers were convinced, more capable sex.
In a word, we were the thin end of the Amazonian
wedge.
The strong brain which had devised this far-
reaching scheme resided in the head of Miss Clib-

et home sales chappened
born. Concerning her I need only tell you that
she was a pale little woman with an intense ex-
pression, a sad lack of humor, and an extreme
distrust of myself. She did not amuse me in the
least, and I was relieved to find that her duties
consisted chiefly in propagating her ideas in the
homes of the women of that and other neighbor-
hoods.
As for Kate, she had entered upon the undertak-
ing with a high spirit, a full purse, and a strong
205


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
conviction that woman was a finer animal than
man and that something should be done in con-
sequence. In the course of a week or two, how-
ever, the spirit began to weary a little, the purse
was becoming decidedly more empty; and, though
the conviction remained as strong as ever, one
can think of other things surprisingly well in spite
of a conviction, and Miss Kerry's thoughts began
to get a little distracted by her secretary, I am
afraid, while his became even more distracted by
Miss Kerry.
Plato; that was the theme on which we spoke. A
platonic friendship-magnificent and original idea!
We should show the astonished world what could
be done in that line of enterprise. How eloquently
I talked to her on this profound subject! On her
part, she listened, she threw me more dazzling
smiles and captivating glances, she delivered
delightfully unconsidered opinions with the most
dashing assurance, she smoked my cigarettes and
we opened the window afterwards. This was phi-
lanthropy, indeed.
Do you think I was unreasonably prejudiced
in this lady's favor? Picture to yourself soft
lashes fringing white lids that would hide for a
while and then suddenly reveal two dark stars
glowing with possibilities of romance; set these
in the midst of the ebb and flow of sudden smiles
and passing moods; crown all this with rich coils
of deep-brown hair, and frame it in soft colors and
206


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
textures chosen, I used to think, by some sprite
who wished to bring distraction among men. Then
sit by the hour beside this siren who treats you
with the kind confidence of a friend, who attracts
and eludes, perplexes and delights you, suggesting
by her glance more than she says, recompensing
by her smile for half an hour's perversity. Do
this before judging me.
But I am now the annalist of a mission, and I
must narrate one incident in our work that proved
to have a very momentous bearing on that gen-
erous inspiration of two women's minds.
Kate and I had been talking together for the
greater part of a profitable morning, when a wom-
an entered our austere apartment.
She was one of our few regular applicants; a
not ill-looking, plausible, tidily dressed widow who
confessed to thirty and probably was five years
older.
“Good-morning, Mrs. Martin,” said Kate, with
a haughty, off-hand graciousness that, I fear, in-
timidated these poor people more than it flattered
them. “What do you want?”
“Please, mum," said Mrs. Martin, glancing
from one to the other of us and beginning an ef-
fective little dry cough, “my 'ealth is a-suffering
dreadful from this weather. The doctor 'e says
nothink but a change of hair won't do any good.
I was that bad last night, miss, I scarcely thought
I'd see the morning.”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
head, the judgment comparatively unbiassed, the
true soul of the missionary. I give her full credit
for all these virtues in spite of her antipathy to
myself.
She overheard the last words of the effusive
Mrs. Martin, demanded an explanation from us,
and frowned when she got it.
“You had much better have investigated the
case, Kate,” she observed, in a tone of rebuke.
"So I did,” replied Kate, with charming inso-
lence. “I asked her whether she went to church
and why she wore feathers in her hat, and if she
had pawned her watch-all the usual idiotic ques-
tions."
"Kate,” said her friend severely, “this spirit is
fatal to our success.”
"Spirit be bothered!” retorted the more mun-
dane partner.
"Ladies," I interposed amicably, “I have in
my overcoat pocket a box of chocolate creams.
Honor me by accepting them!”
Not even this overture could mollify Miss Clib-
born, and presently she departed again with a sad
glance at her lukewarm ally and frivolous secretary.
Ah, how divine Kate looked as she consumed
those bonbons and our talk turned back to Plato!
So divine, indeed, that I felt suddenly impelled to
ask a question, to solve a little lingering doubt
that sometimes would persist in coming to poison
my faith in my friend.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"I have been wondering,” I said, after a pause.
“Wondering what?”
“You remember that evening I met you in the
Temple? I was wondering what rendezvous you
were keeping.”
“What a funny idea!” she laughed. “I took
a fancy to walk in the Temple; that was all."
“And expected no one?”
“Of course not!"
At last I was entirely satisfied, so satisfied that
I felt a strong and sudden desire to fervently em-
brace this lovely, pure-hearted creature.
But no; it would be sacrilege! I said to my-
self. She would never forgive me. Our friend-
ship would be at an end. The rules of Plato do
not permit such liberties. Alas!


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXII
“To the foolish give counsel from the
head; to the wise from the heart!”
-CERVANTO Y'ALVEZ.
speakeasleak VER since I became secretary I had
se been as one dead to my friends. Ex-
scept the General, I had seen none of
on them. One or two, including Dick
spol e Shafthead, had called upon me, only
to be told that I might not return until long after
midnight (for I was occasionally in the habit of
dining with one of my employers after my labors).
When I thought of Dick, my conscience smote
me. I intended always to write to him, and also
to Lumme, to explain my disappearance, but never
took pen in hand. I heard nothing from France,
nothing about the packing-case; nor did I trouble
my head about this silence. The present mo-
ment was enough for me. To Halfred I had
only mentioned that I was busily employed in a
distant part of London, and I fear my servant's
211


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
vivid imagination troubled him considerably, for
he was earnestly solicitous about my welfare.
"It ain't nothing I can lend a 'and in, sir?"
he inquired one day.
"I am afraid not," I replied.
He hesitated, uncertain how best to express his
doubts politely and indicate a general warning.
“You'll excuse me, sir, for saying so,” he
remarked at last, “but Mr. Titch 'e says that fur-
riners sometimes gets themselves into trouble
without knowing as 'ow they are doing anything
wrong.”
“Tell Mr. Titch, with my compliments, to go
to the devil and mind his own business," I re-
plied, with, I think, pardonable wrath.
Tell MrTitch....
to go to the Devil.

10
I'NOTTO
16
OPANED
PRICOT
ALTEXT
LEVERSE
“Yes, sir; very good, sir,” said Halfred, hastily;
but I do not know that his doubts were removed.
However I consoled myself for my want of con-
212


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
fidence in him by thinking that he had now a fair
field with Aramatilda.
On the evening of that day when we had de-
spatched Mrs. Martin to the seaside, I returned ear-
lier than usual and sat in my easy-chair ruminat-
ing on the joys and drawbacks of platonic friend-
ship. “Yes,” I said to myself, “it is pleasant,
it is pure_devilish pure—and it is elevating. But
altogether satisfactory? No, to be candid; some-
thing begins to be lacking. If I had had the au-
dacity this morning—what would she have said ?
Despised me? Alas, no doubt! Yet, is there not
something delicate, ideal, out of all ordinary ex-
perience in our relations? And would I risk the
loss of this? Never!”
At this point there came a knock upon the door,
and in walked my dear Dick Shafthead.
“Found you at last,” he said. “Well, mon-
sieur, give an account of yourself. What have
you been doing-burgling or duelling or what?”
His manner was as cool and unpretentiously
friendly as ever; he was the same, yet with a
subtle difference I was instantly conscious of.
There was I know not what of kindness in his eye,
of greater courtesy in his voice. Somehow there
seemed a more sympathetic air about him. Slight
though it was, this something insensibly drew
forth my confidence. Naturally, I should have
hesitated to confess my little experiment in Plato
and my improbable vocation to such a satirical
213


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
critic. I could picture the grim smile with which
he would listen, the dry comments he would make.
But this evening I was emboldened to make a
clean breast of it, and, though his smile was cer-
tainly sometimes a little more humorous than
sympathetic, yet he heard me with a surprising
appearance of interest.
“Then she's deuced pretty and embarrassingly
proper?” he said, when I had finished the outline
of my story.
“Indeed, my friend, she is both.”
“Novel experience?” he suggested.
“Entirely novel.”
“And what's to be the end of it?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Going to marry her?”
“Marry!" I exclaimed. “I have told you we are
not even lovers. Dick, I cannot tell you what my feel-
ing is towards her, because I do not know it myself.
Yes, perhaps it is love. She has virtues; I have
told you them her truth, her high spirit, her—"
“Yes, yes,” interrupted Dick, with something
of his old brutality, "you've given me the list al-
ready. Let's hear her faults.”
“She is so full of delightful faults I know not
where to begin. Perverse, sometimes inconsider-
ate, without knowledge of herself. Divide these
up into the little faults they give rise to in differ-
ent circumstances, and you get a picture of an
imperfect but charming woman.”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"It is evident you don't know what falling in
love means,” said Dick.
I looked at him hard.
“Do you?” I asked.
Dick actually blushed.
“Well,” he replied, with a smile that had a little
tenderness as well as humor, “since you are a
man of feeling, monsieur, and by way of being-
don't you know?-yourself, I might as well tell
you. I've rather played the fool, I expect.”
He said this with an air of sincerity, but it was
clear he did not think himself so very stupid in the
matter.
“My dear friend," I cried, “I am all ears and
sympathy-also intelligent advice.”
And then the story came out. I shall not give
it in Dick's words, for these were not selected with
a view to romantic effect, and the story deserves
better treatment.
It appeared that, some twenty years before, a
cousin of Lady Shafthead's had taken a step which
forever disgraced her in the eyes of her impecuni-
ous but ancient family. She had, in fact, married
the local attorney, a vulgar but insinuating per-
son with a doubtful reputation for honesty and in-
dustry. The consequences bore out the warnings
of her family; he went from bad to worse, and she
from discomfort to misery, until, at last, they both
died, leaving not a single penny in the world, but,
instead, a little orphan daughter. Of all the scan-
215


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
dalized relations, Lady Shafthead had alone come
to the rescue. She had the girl educated in a re-
spectable school, and now, when she was nineteen
years of age, gave her a home until she could find
a profession for herself.
This latter step did not meet with Sir Philip's
approval. He had lent the father money, and in
return had had his name forged for a considerable
amount; besides, he did not approve of bourgeois
relations. However, he had reluctantly enough
consented to let Miss Agnes Grey spend a few
months at his house on the understanding that, as
soon as an occupation was found, that was to be
the last of the unworthy connection.
At this stage in the story-about a fortnight
ago-fate and a short-sighted guest put a charge
of shot into the baronet's left shoulder. At first
it was feared the accident might be dangerous;
Dick was hurriedly summoned home, and there
he found Miss Agnes Grey grown (so he assured
me) into one of the most charming girls imaginable.
He had known her and been fond of her, in a patron-
izing way, for some years. Now he saw her with
tears in her voice, anxious about his father, de-
voted to his mother, and all the time feeling herself
a forlorn and superfluous dependant. What would
any chivalrous young man, with an unattached
heart, have done under these circumstances? What
would I have done myself? Fallen in love, of course
-or something like it.
216


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Have you asked him?”.
"No."
Again Dick was silent for a minute, and then he
went on: “Look here, d'Haricot, old man, this is
how it is. I know my father; he's one of the best,
but if I've got any prejudices I inherit them hon-
estly. What he likes he likes, and what he doesn't
like he doesn't like. He doesn't like Agnes, he
doesn't like her family — or didn't like 'em. He
doesn't like younger sons marrying poor girls. On
the other hand, he does like the right kind of peo-
ple,' as he calls 'em, and the right sort of marriage,
and he does like me too well, I think, to see me
doing what he doesn't like. I have only a hun-
dred a year of my own, and expectations from an
aunt of fifty-two who has never had a day's illness
in her life. You see?”
"What will you do?” I asked.
“What can I do?" he replied, and added, "it
is pleasant folly.”
His brows were knitted, his mouth shut tight,
his eyes hard. He had come down to stern realities
and the mood of tenderness had passed.
“But you really love her?” I said.
His face lit up for a moment. “I do,” he an-
swered, and then quickly the face clouded again.
“My friend,” I said, “I, too, have a friend-a
girl, whom I place before the rest of the world; I
share your sentiments and I judge your case for
you. What is life without woman, without love?
218


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Would you place your income, your prospects,
the sordid aspects of your life, even the displeas-
ure of relations, before the most sacred passion
of your heart? Dick, if you do not say to this
dear girl, 'I love you; let the devil himself try
to part us!' I shall not think of you as the same
friend.” ,
He gave a quick glance, and in his eye I saw
that my audience was with me in spirit.
"And my father? Tell him that too?” he said,
dryly in tone, but not unmoved, I was sure.
“Tell him that your veneration, your homage,
belongs to him, but that your soul is your own!
Tell him that you are not afraid to take some risk
for one you love! Are you afraid, Dick?”
He gave a short laugh.
“I'd risk something,” he replied.
"Only something? And for Agnes Grey, Dick?
Think of the future without her, the life you have
been leading repeated from day to day, now that
you have known her. Is that pleasant? Is she
not worth some risk—a good deal of risk?”
He rose and then he smiled; and he had a very
pleasant smile.
“Thanks," he said ; "you're a good chap, mon-
sieur. I wish you had to tackle the governor,
though."
“Let me!” I exclaimed.
"Well,” he said, “if I want an eloquent counsel
I know where to look for one. Good-night."
219


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXIII
“old friends for me! I then know what
folly to expect."
-LA RABIDE.
Ohashistesleshen the following morning Kate and I
ole of met as usual in the office of the mis-
skie () offesion; and as usual she appeared three
ole se quarters of an hour after the time she
sposobnosti glede was nominally to be expected. She
looked more ravishing than ever; the art that
conceals art had never more inconspicuously per-
vaded every line and shade of her garments, every
tress of her hair; her smile opened up a long vista
of possibilities. Again I strongly felt the sen-
timents that had inspired me overnight; I could
have closed the desk on the spot and seized her
hands; but I restrained myself and merely asked
instead what had become of her fellow-missionary.
She was indisposed, it appeared, and could not
come to-day.
"She's rather worried about our finances,” said
221


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
The door opened and the head of our grimy
caretaker appeared.
“A gentleman to see you, miss,” she said.
"Show him in,” said Kate.
“The philanthropist!” I exclaimed, dipping my
pen in the ink and taking in my other hand the
gas bill.
A heavy step sounded in the passage, mingled
with a strangely familiar sound of puffing, and
then in walked a stout, gray-whiskered, red-faced
gentleman whose apoplectic presence could never
be forgotten by me. It was my old friend, Mr.
Fisher, of Chickawungaree Villal
"You are-ah-Miss Kerry?" he said, heavily,
but with politeness.
As she held out her hand I could see even upon
his stolid features unmistakable evidence of sur-
prise and admiration at meeting this apparition
in the dinginess of East London.
“Yes,” she said. “And you, I suppose, are"
“Mr. Fisher-a fisher of–ha, hal-women, it
seems, down here.”
The old Gorgon was actually jesting with a
pretty girl! As I thought of him in his dining-
room I could scarcely believe my senses.
“And this gentleman,” he said, turning towards
me, "is, I suppose”.
He paused; his eyes had met mine, and I fear
I was somewhat unsuccessfully endeavoring to
conceal a smile.
223


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"Fisher!” I said, holding out my hand. "How
do you do?”
He did not, however, take it; yet he evidently
did not know what to do instead.
“Then you know Mr. Fisher?” said Kate.
“We have met," I replied, “and we could give
you some entertaining reminiscences of our meet-
ing. Could we not, Mr. Fisher?”
“What are you doing here?" said Fisher, slowly.
“Atoning for the errors of a profligate youth,”
I replied, "and assisting in the education and
advancement of woman."
For some reason he did not appear to take this
statement quite seriously. In England, when you
tell the truth it must be told with a solemn coun-
tenance; no expression in the face, nothing but
a simple yet sufficient movement of the jaws, as
though you were masticating a real turtle. A
smile, a relieving touch of lightness in your words,
and you are instantly set down as an irreverent
jester.
“Miss Kerry," he said, sententiously, "I warn
you against this person.”
"But-why?" exclaimed the astonished Kate.
“I say no more. I warn you,” said Mr. Fisher,
with a dull glance at me.
“Come, now," I said, pleasantly, for I recollected
that the mission depended on this monster's good-
humor, “let us bury the pick-axe, as you would
say. The truth is, Miss Kerry, that Mr. Fisher
224


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
and I once had a merry evening together, but, un-
luckily, towards midnight we fell out about some
trifle; it matters not what; some matter of gallant-
ry that sometimes for a moment separates friends.
She preferred him; but I bear no grudge. That
is all, is it not, Fisher?”
And I gave him a surreptitious wink to indicate
that he should endorse this innocent version of our
encounter.
Unluckily, at this point Kate turned her back
and began to titter.
The overfed eye of Fisher moved slowly from
one to the other of us.
"I came down here,” he said, “at my friend
Miss Clibborn's request to—ah-satisfy myself of
the usefulness of her mission. Is this a mission
-or what is it?”
"It is a mission,” replied Kate, trying hard to
sober herself. “We are doing ex — ex — cellent
work."
But at that point she had recourse to her hand-
kerchief.
"Our work, sir," I interposed, "is doing an in-
calculable amount of benefit. It is the most phil-
anthropic, the most judicious—".
I stopped for the good reason that I could no
longer make myself heard. There was a noise
of altercation and scuffling outside our door that
startled even the phlegmatic Fisher.
“What on earth is this?” he demanded.
225


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Poor Kate gave a little exclamation.
"Leave her to me,” I said, reassuringly.
“Where is who, my good woman?”
"My 'usband. You've gone and stole my 'us-
band away! But I'll have the law on yer! I'll
make it blooming hot for yer!” (Only "bloom-
ing” was not the adjective she employed.)
"Who are you, and what do you want?” said
Fisher.
There was something so ponderous in his ac-
cents that our visitor was impressed in spite of
herself.
"My name is Mrs. Fulcher, and I wants my
’usband. Them there lydies wot's come 'ere to
mike mischief in the 'omes of pore, hinnercent
wimmen, they've give Mrs. Martin the money to
do it.”
"To do what?” said Fisher.
"To go for a 'oliday to the seaside, and she's
took my 'usband with her!"
"Taken your husband!” I exclaimed. “Why
should she do that?''
“Because she ain't got no 'usband of her own,
and never 'ad. Missis Martin, indeed! Needin' a
'oliday for 'er 'ealth! That's wot yer calls hele-
vatin' wimmen! 'Elpin' himmorality, I calls it!”.
“This is a nice business, young man!” said
Fisher, turning to me.
Unfortunately for himself he had the ill-taste to
smile at this triumph over his ex-burglar.
227


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Oh, you'd larf, would yer!” shrieked the de-
serted spouse. "You hold proflergate, I believe
you done it on purpose!”
"Me?” gasped Fisher. “You ill - tempered,
noisy-"
But before he could finish this impeachment
he received Mrs. Fulcher's right fist on his nose,
followed by a fierce charge of her whole massive
person; and in another moment the office of the
women's mission was the scene of as desperate
a conflict as the bastion of the Malakoff. Kate
screamed once and then shut her lips, and watched
the struggle with a very pale face, while I hurled
myself impetuously upon the Amazon and endeav-
ored to seize her arms.
"Police! Call the policel” shouted Fisher.
"Perlice, perlice,” echoed his enemy. “I'll per-
lice yer, yer dirty, himmoral hold 'ulk!"
And bang, bang, went her fists against the side
of his head.
"Idiot, virago, stop!” I cried, compressing her
swinging arm to her side at last.
“Send for the police!” boomed the hapless Fisher.
“Police!" came the frenzied voice of the care-
taker at the front door.
"I'll smash yer bloomin' 'ead like a bloomin'
cocoanut!” shouted Mrs. Fulcher, bringing the
other arm into play.
“Compress her wind-pipe, Fisher," I advised.
“Tap her claret! Hold her legs! She kicks!"
228


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Such a contest was too fierce to last; her vigor
relaxed; Fisher was enabled to thrust her head
beneath his arm, and I to lift her by the knees,
so that by the time the policemen arrived all they
had to do was to raise our foe from the floor and
bear her away still kicking freely and calling down
the vengeance of Heaven upon us.
My first thought was for the unfortunate wit-
ness of this engagement.
“You are upset, Miss Kerry; you are disturbed,
I fear. Let me bring you water.”
“I'm all right, thanks,” she replied, with won-
derful composure, though she was pale as a sheet
by now.
“But what is this?” I cried, pointing to a mark
on her face. “Were you struck?"
“It's nothing,” she replied, feeling for her hand-
kerchief. “She hit me by mistake.”
So engrossed was I that I had quite forgotten
Fisher; but now I was reminded by the sound of a
stentorian grunt.
"Ugh!” he groaned. “Get me a cab; fetch
me a cab, some one."
Blood was dripping from his nose; his collar
was torn, his cheeks scarred by the nails of his
foe; everything, even his whiskers, seemed to
have suffered. It would not be easy to persuade
this victim of the wars to patronize our mission
now, but for Kate's sake I thought I must try.
"Well, Fisher," I said, heartily, "you are a
230


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
sportsman! Your spirit and your vigor, my dear
sir, were quite admirable.”
For reply he only snorted again and repeated
his demand for a cab. Well, I sent one of a large
crowd of boys who had collected outside the mis-
sion to fetch one, and suavely returned to the at-
tack. It was not certainly encouraging to find
that he and Kate had evidently exchanged no
amenities while I was out of the room, but, ignor-
ing this air of constraint, I said to him:
“We shall see you soon again, I trust? We
depend upon your aid, you know. You have
shown us your martial ardor! let us benefit equal-
ly by your pacific virtues!”
“I shall see myself—” began Fisher. Then he
glanced at Kate and altered his original design into,
"a very long way before I return to this office. It
is disgraceful, sir; madam, I say it is disgraceful.”
“But what is?" I asked.
“Everything about this place, sir. Mission?
I call it a bear-garden, that's what I call it.”
“I am sorry, Mr. Fisher," began Kate, but our
patron was already on his way out without an-
other word to either of us. And I had been his
rescuer! He slammed the door behind him, and
that was the last of my friend Fisher.
For a moment or two we remained silent.
"Well," said Kate, with a little laugh, “that's
the end of our mission.”
“The end, I fear," I replied.
231


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
singular beauty grows upon me, and my heart
goes out in sympathy for her troubles, till it is
beating ominously fast. “Yes," I say to my-
self, “this is more than Plato. I worship at the
shrine of woman. No longer am I a sceptic!”.
My sympathy can find no words; yet it must
somehow take shape and reach this sorrowing
divinity. I lay my hand upon hers and she
she lets me press her fingers silently, while a little
smile begins to awake about the corners of her
wilful mouth.
"Poor friend!” I exclaim, yet with gentle ex-
clamation. “Yes, disillusionment is bitter!”
She gives her shoulders a shrug and her eye
flashes into the fire.
"It is not that,” she replies. “It's being made
a beastly fool of.”
For an instant I get a shock; but the spell of
the moment and her beauty is too strong to be
broken. It seems to me that I do but hear an
evidence of her unconquerable spirit.
“You have a friend," I whisper, “who can never
think you a fool. To me you are the ideal, the
queen of women. You may have lost your own
ardent faith in woman through this luckless ex-
periment, but you have converted me!”.
At this she gives me such a smile that all timid-
ity vanishes. “Kate!” I exclaim, and the next
moment she is in my arms.
For a silent five minutes I enjoyed all the rapt-
233


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
ures that a beautiful woman and a rioting imag-
ination can bestow. Picture Don Quixote em-
bracing a Dulcinea who should really be as fair
of face as his fancy painted her. Would not the
poor man conceive himself in heaven even though
she never understood a word of all his passion?
For the moment I shared some of the virtues of
that paladin with a fairer reason for my blind-
ness. Her soft face lay against mine, the dark
lashes hid her eyes, her form yielded to every press-
ure. What I said to her I cannot remember,
even if I were inclined to confess it now; I only
know that my sentiments were flying very high
indeed, when suddenly she laughed. I stopped
abruptly.
“Why do you laugh?” I asked.
She raised her head and opened her eyes and I
saw that there was certainly no trace of sentiment
in them.
"You are getting ridiculous,” she said. “Don't
look so beastly serious!”
“Serious!" I gasped. “But – but what are
you?”
She smiled at me again as kindly and provok-
ingly as ever. But the veil of illusion was rent
and it needed but another tear to pull it altogether
from my eyes.
“You do not love me, then?" I asked, as calmly
as I could.
"Love?" she smiled. “Don't be absurd!”
234


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
"All men are alike,” she said, contemptuously.
"Then you have had similar experiences before?''
“Yes,” she replied, with a candor I could not
help thinking was somewhat belated.
“In the Temple?” I asked.
“He made a fool of himself, just like you," she
retorted.
“Yet you assured me there was no one"
“What business had you with my confidence?"
she interrupted.
"I see," I replied. “So you told what was not
quite the truth? You were quite right; people
are so apt to misunderstand these situations. In
future I shall know better than to ask questions
-because I shall be able to guess the answers.
Good-bye.”
She replied with a distant farewell, and that
was the end of a pretty charade.
I went away vowing that I should never think
of her again; I lunched at the gayest restaurant
to assist me in this resolution; I planned a series
of consolations that should make oblivion amus-
ing, even if not very edifying; yet early in the
afternoon I found myself in her uncle's apart-
ments, watching the old gentleman put the fin-
ishing touches to “A portrait from memory of
Miss Kate Kerry.” That picture at least did not
flatter! I had told him before of our ripening ac-
quaintance and my engagement as secretary, and
I think the General had enough martial spirit still
236


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
left to divine the reason for my philanthropic ar-
dor. To-day he quickly guessed that something
unfortunate had happened.
“Had a row with Kate, eh?” he inquired.
"A row?” I said, endeavoring to put as humor-
ous a face on it as possible. “General, I pulled a
string, expecting warm water to flow, and instead
I received a cold shower-bath."
I fear I must have smiled somewhat sadly, for
it was in a very kindly voice that the old gentle-
man replied:
“I know, mossoo; I know what it feels like. I
remember my feelings when a certain lady gave me
the congé, as you'd say, in '62—was it?-or '63.
Long time ago now, anyhow, but I haven't forgot-
ten it yet. Only time I ever screwed my courage
up to the proposing point; found afterwards she'd
been engaged to another man for two years. She
might have told me, hang it!--but I haven't died
of broken heart, mossoo. You'll get over it, never
fear.”
“But it is not that she is engaged; it is not that
she has repulsed me. She is your niece, General,
but I fear her heart is of stone. She is a flirt, a—"
• In my heat I was getting carried away; I recalled
myself in time, and added :
"Pardon; I forget myself, General.”
“I know, I know,” he replied. “I've felt the
same about her myself, mossoo. She's a fine girl ;
good feelings and all the rest of it, but a little_er
237


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
-unsatisfactory sometimes, I think I've hoped
for a little more myself now and then a little—er
-womanliness, and so on."
"I cannot understand her," I said. “I pictured
her full of soul-and now!"
“I used to picture 'em full of soul, too,” said the
General, “till I learned that a bright eye only
meant it wasn't shut and that you could get as
heavenly a smile by tickling 'em as any other
way.”
"Generall” I exclaimed. “Are you a cynic,
then?”
“God forbid!” said the old boy, hastily. “I've
seen too many good women for that. I only mean
that you don't quite get the style of virtue you
expect when you are — twenty-five, for instance.
What you get in the best of 'em is a good wearing
article, but not-er—the fancy piece of goods you
imagine.”
“In a word,” I said, as I rose to leave him, “you
ask for a pearl and you get a cheap but serviceable
pebble."
"Well, well,” he replied, good - humouredly,
"we'll see what you say six weeks later."
"I have learned my lesson," I answered. “You
will see that I shall remember it!"
The reader will also see, if his patience with the
experimental philosopher and confident prophet is
not yet quite exhausted.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"And, in brief, he gossiped with her on every
subject that would serve as an excuse," I said.
“Halfred, if I were you and I felt interested in
Miss Titch - I say, supposing I felt interested in
Miss Titch, I should look out for that foreigner
and practise my boxing upon him!”
“Then you don't think, sir ”.
“I don't think it was me he was interested in."
"Well, sir,” said my servant, with a disappoint-

"I should
Look out
for that
foreigner
ALBERT
LEVERING
ed air, for he founded great hopes of melodrama
upon me, “in that case I shall advise Miss Titch
to take care of 'erself.”
I laughed.
"Do not fear," I replied. “They all do that.
It is we who need the caution! Yes, Halfred,
my sympathy is with that poor foreigner."
I fear my servant put down this sentiment to
16
241


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
mere un-British eccentricity, but I felt I had done
my duty by him.
As for the inquisitive foreigner, I smiled at the
idea that he had really addressed the fair Arama-
tilda for the purpose of hearing news of me. I
may mention that I had heard nothing more of
Hankey; nothing from the league; nothing had
followed the arrival of the packing-case; the French
government seemed to have ignored my escapade;
there were many foreigners in London uncon-
nected with my concerns; so why should I sup-
pose that this chance acquaintance of Aramatilda's
had anything to do with me? “If I am wanted,
I shall be sent for,” I said to myself. “Till then,
revelry and distraction!”
First, I sought out Teddy Lumme. We met for
the first time since I left Seneschal Court, but at
the first greeting it was evident that all resent-
ment had passed from his mind as completely as
it had from mine.
“Where the deuce have you been hiding?” he
asked me, with his old geniality. “We wanted
you the other night; great evening we had ; Archie
and me and Bobby and Tyler; box at the Empire,
supper at the European, danced till six in the
morning at Covent Garden; breakfast at Mug-
gins; and the devil of a day after that. I'd have
sent you a wire but I thought you'd left town.
No one has seen you. Been getting up another
conspiracy, what? Chap at the French embassy
242


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
told me the other day their government expected
your people to have a kick-up soon. By Jove,
though, he told me not to tell any one! But you
won't say anything about it, I dare say."
“I can assure you it is news to me," I replied,
"but in any case I certainly should not discuss
the matter indiscreetly."
“And now the question is," said Teddy, "where
shall we dine and what shall we do afterwards?”
Ah, it may be elevating and absorbing to ex-
periment in Plato and guide the operations of
philanthropy, but when the head is not yet bald
and the blood still flows fast, commend me to an
evening spent with cheerful friends in search of
some less austere ideal! This may not be the
sentiment of an Aurelius — but then that is not
my name.
We dined amid the glitter of lights and mirrors
and fair faces and bright colors; a band thun-
dering a waltz accompaniment to the soup, a
mazurka to the fish; a babel of noise all round
us — laughing voices, clattering silver, popping
corks, stirring music; and ourselves getting rapid-
ly into tune with all of this.
"By-the-way," I said, in a nonchalant tone,
“have you seen Miss Trevor-Hudson again?”
“No,” said Teddy, carelessly, and yet with a
slightly uncomfortable air.
“Did you become friends again? Pardon me
if I am indiscreet.”
243


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Teddy! Hey, Teddy!” and to be composed of sever-
al voices. We looked across and saw four or five
young men, most of them on their feet, and all wav-

• Getting that's
gent Pemans Soul
vere you?
York
LOVE
ing either napkins or empty bottles. On catching
my friend's eye their enthusiasm redoubled, and
on his part he became instantly excited.
“By Jovel” he exclaimed. “Excuse me one
minute.”
He rushed across the room and I could see that
he was the recipient of a most hilarious greeting.
Presently he came back in great spirits.
"I say, we're in luck's way,” he said. “I'd
quite forgotten this was the night of the match."
It then appeared that the universities of Oxford
and Cambridge had been playing a football match
that afternoon and that on the evening of the
encounter it was an ancient custom for these seats
of learning to join in an amicable celebration of
the event.
245


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Juggins won the match for us,” shouted Mr.
White. “Good old Juggins!”
"I did, indeed. Vive la football! I won it by
an innings and a goal?” I cried, adopting what
I knew of their athletic terms.
"Juggins will make us a speech! Good old
Juggins!” shouted Mr. Black.
“Fellow-students!” I replied, rising promptly at
this invitation, “my exploits already seem known

-
5
ABERT
LEVERING
GOOD Old Jugoins!
to you, better even than to myself. How I hit the
wicket, kick the goal, bowl the hurdle, and swing
the oar, what need to relate? Good old Juggins,
indeed! I give you this health-to my venerable
college of Jesus, to the beloved colleges of you all,
to my respectable and promising friend, Lumme,
247


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
met our eyes! Apparently the football match was
being replayed in the promenade and on the stair-
cases of the Umpire. Three gigantic figures in
livery—“the bowlers-out” as they are termed-
were dragging a small and tattered man by the
head and shoulders while his friends clung des-
perately to his lower limbs. Round this tableau
seethed a wild throng shouting “Oxford!” “Cam-
bridge!” and similar war-cries —destroying their
own and each others' hats, and moved apparent-
ly by as incalculable forces as the billows in a
storm. On the stage a luckless figure in a gro-
tesque costume was vainly endeavoring to make
a comic song audible; and what the rest of the
audience were doing or thinking I have no means
of guessing.
“Oxford! To the rescue!” shouted Mr. Black.
“Vive Juggins! Kick the football!” I cried,
leading the onslaught and hurling myself upon
one of the bowlers-out.
“Good old Juggins!” yelled my admirers, as
they followed my spirited example, and in a mo-
ment the house rang with my new name. “Jug-
gins!” could, I am sure, have been heard for half
a mile outside.
The uproar increased; more bowlers-out hurried
to the rescue; and I, thanks to my efficient use of
my fists and feet, found myself the principal object
of their attention. Had it not been for the loyal
support of my companions I know not what my
250


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
of liveries in the mêlée the management were taking
the rioters seriously in hand. In another moment
two or three of these officials broke loose and bore
down upon me with a shout of “That's 'im!”
"Bolt, Juggins!” cried Mr. Scarlett. “We'll give
you a start.”
The two intrepid gentlemen placed themselves
between me and my pursuers. I stood my ground
for a minute, but seeing that nothing could with-
stand the onset of my foes, and that Mr. White was
already on the floor, I turned and filed. The chase
was hot. I dashed down a flight of stairs, and
then, by a happy chance, saw a door marked “pri-
vate." Through it I ran and was making my
way I knew not whither, but certainly in forbidden
territory, when I was confronted by an agitated
stranger. I stopped, and would have raised my
hat had it not been so tightly jammed upon my
head.
The man looked at me for a moment, and then
seemed to think he recognized my face.
“You are Mr. Neptune?'' said he.
“You have named me!” I cried, opening my
arms and embracing him effusively.
"I am afraid you got into the crowd," said he,
withdrawing, in some embarrassment, I thought.
“I suppose that is why you are late.”
“That is the reason," I replied, feeling mystified,
indeed, but devoutly thankful that he did not recog-
nize me as the hunted Juggins.
252


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Well,” he said, "you had better go on at once,
if you don't mind. There is rather a disturbance,
I am afraid, and we have lowered the curtain; but
perhaps your appearance may quiet them.”
"My appearance?" I asked, glancing down at
my torn overcoat, and wondering what sedative

LAD
TONIGE
NEPTUNE
THE
WARNEL
PRIVATE
LASTERS
You have named me!"
effect such a scarecrow was likely to have. Be-
sides, I had appeared and it had not quieted them;
though this, of course, he did not know.
"I mean,” he answered, “that the nature of your
performance is so absorbing that we hope it may
rivet attention somewhat.”
A light dawned upon me. I now remembered
253


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
the bill outside the theatre. I was the “Amphibi-
ous Marvel!” Well, it would not do for the in-
trepid Juggins to refuse the adventure. For the
honor of Jesus College I must endeavor to "break
all records.” My one hope was that, as it was to
be my first appearance, anything strange in the
nature of my performance might be received merely
as a diverting novelty.
“The stage is set for you,” said my unknown
friend. “How long will it take you to change?”'
"Change?" I replied. “This is the costunie in
which I always perform.”
He looked surprised, but also relieved that there
would be no further delay, and presently I found
myself upon a huge stage, the curtain down in front,
and no one there but myself and my conductor.
What was I expected to do? I was sufficiently
expert at gymnastics to make some sort of show
upon the trapeze without more than a reasonable
chance of breaking my neck. But there was no
sign of any such apparatus. Was I, then, a strong
man? I had always had a grave suspicion that
those huge cannon - balls and dumb - bells were
really hollow, and, in any case, I could at least
roll them about. But there were neither cannon-
balls nor dumb-bells. No, there was nothing but
a high and narrow box of glass.
“It is all right, you will find,” said my con-
ductor, coming up to this.
I also approached it and gave a gasp.
254


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
operations, it seemed folly to risk cracking a valu-
able head.
Unluckily, I had omitted in my enthusiasm to
remove even my top-coat, and either in the air or the
water (I cannot say which) I drove my foot through
the torn lining. Conceive now the situation into
which my recklessness had plunged me—entangled
in my overcoat at the bottom of six feet of water,
struggling madly to free myself, with only a sheet
of transparent glass between me and as dry a
stage as any in England; drowning ridiculously
in clear view of a full and enthusiastic house!
My struggles can only have lasted for a few sec-
onds, though to me they seemed longer than the
ten minutes I had boasted of, and then—the good

into the
of thing arhus
il doable bass.
God be thanked 1-I felt the side of my prison
yield to my kicking, and in another moment I was
seated in three inches of water, dizzily watch-
257


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
ing a miniature Niagara sweep the stage and
foam over the foot-lights into the panic-stricken
orchestra.
"Down with the curtain!" I heard some one
cry from behind, but before it had quite descended
the Amphibious Marvel had smashed his way out
of his tank and leaped into the unwilling arms of
the double-bass.
Ahl that was a night to be remembered—though
not, I must frankly admit, to be repeated. An-
other mêlée with the exasperated musicians; a
gallant rescue by Teddy and his friends; a tri-
umphant exit from the Umpire borne on the shoul-
ders of my cheering admirers; all the other events
of that stirring night still live in the memory of
“Good old Juggins.” To my fellow undergradu-
ates of an evening I dedicate this happy, disrepu-
table reminiscence.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXVI
“So you pushed that little snowball from
the top? And now it has reached the bottom
and become quite large? My faith! how sur-
prising!”
-LA RABIDE.
sha T is an afternoon in December, gray
si - sea and chilly and dark; neither the sea-
si son nor the hour to exhilarate the
soep
heart. I am alone in my room, bend-
Se poate ing over my writing-table, endeavor-
ing to relieve my depression upon paper.
Since my appearance upon the music-hall stage
I have enjoyed the society of my Oxford friends
while they remained in town; I have revelled with
Teddy; I have had my "burst"; and now the re-
action has come. The solace of my most real and
intimate friend, Dick Shafthead, is denied me,
for he has apparently left London for a time; at
any rate, his rooms are shut up and he is not there.
No company now but regrets and cynical reflec-
259


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
tions. A short time ago what bright fancies were
visiting me!
"Woman gives and woman takes away,” I said
to myself. “But she takes more than she gives!"
I felt indeed bankrupt.
• Opening my journal and glancing back over
rose-tinted, deluded eulogies, I came to the inter-
Awoman gives and
a woman takes away

rupted entry, “To d'Haricot from d'Haricot.”
Ah, that I had profited by my own advice! “Fool-
ish friend, beware!”—but he had not.
I took up my pen and continued the exhorta-
tion.
“What is woman? A false coin that passes
current only with fools! Art thou a fool, then?
No longer!”
Just then came a tap at the door, followed by
the comely face of Aramatilda.
"A lady to see you, sir,” she said.
I started. Could it be ? Impossible!
“Who is she?” I asked, indifferently.
260


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“She didn't give her name, sir."
“Show her in," I replied, closing my journal,
but repeating its last words to myself.
Again the door opened. I rose from my seat.
Did Kate hope to befool me again? No, it was
not Kate who entered and said, in a tone of perfect
self-possession:
"Are you Mr. d'Haricot?"
She was rather small, she was young — not
more than two-and-twenty. She had a very fresh
complexion and a pretty, round little face saved
from any dolliness by the steadiness of her blue
eyes, the firmness of her mouth, and the expres-
sion of quiet self - possession. She reminded me
of some one, though for the moment I could not
think who.
"I am Mr. d'Haricot," I replied. “And you?”
“I am Miss Shafthead.”
"Dick's sister!" I exclaimed.
“Yes,” she said, with a pleasant glimpse of
smile that accentuated the resemblance. “Have
you seen him lately ?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
She gave me a quick, clear glance as if to test
my truth, and then, as though she were satisfied,
went on in the same quiet and candid voice:
“I tried to find my cousin Teddy Lumme, but,
as he was out, I have taken the liberty of calling
on you, because I know you are one of Dick's
friends—and because” She hesitated, though
261


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
fell and then driven straight to the station. No
message was left, no clew to their whereabouts.
You can picture the state of mind the family were
thrown into.
Morning came, but no letter with it, and by the
middle of the day Miss Shafthead could stand the
suspense no longer, so, in the same business-like
fashion as Dick, without a word to her parents,
she had started in pursuit. The aunt she proposed
to spend the night with was not as yet informed
that she was to have a visitor; business first, and
till that was accomplished my fair companion was
simply letting fate take charge of her. “With
fate's permission, I shall assist,” I said to myself.
As we drew near to the Temple, she fell silent,
and I felt sure that, despite her air of sang-froid,
her sisterly heart was beating faster.
“Do you think they—I mean he—will have re-
turned?” she said to me, suddenly, as we walked
across the quiet court.
“Sooner or later he is sure to be in-if he is in
London. May I ask you to say nothing as we
ascend the stairs, and to permit me to make the
inquiries?”
She gave her consent in a glance, and we tramp-
ed up the old wooden staircase till we stopped in
silence before Dick's door. These chambers of the
Temple are unprovided with any bells or other
means of calling the inmates' attention beyond
the simple method of knocking. If the heavy outer
264


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
door of oak be closed, and he away from home, or
disinclined to receive you, you may knock all after-
noon without getting any satisfaction; and it was
the latter alternative I feared. At this juncture
I could imagine circumstances under which my
friend might prefer to remain undisturbed.
For a moment I listened, and I was sure I could
hear a movement inside. Then I knocked loudly.
No answer. I knocked again, but still no answer.
“Stay where you are and make no sound,” I
whispered to my companion. “Like the badger,
he must be drawn.”
I fumbled at the letter-slit in the door as though
I were the postman endeavoring to introduce a
packet, and dropped my pocket-book on the floor
outside. This I knew to be the habit of these
officials when a newspaper proved too bulky. Then,
quietly picking up the pocket-book, I descended
the stairs with as much noise as possible, till I
thought I was out of hearing, when I turned and
ran lightly up again. Just as I was quietly ap-
proaching the top of the flight I saw the door open
and the astonished Dick confront his sister. I
stopped.
"Daisy!” he exclaimed, in a tone which seemed
to be made up of several emotions.
“Dick!” she replied, her self-control just failing
to keep her voice quite steady.
"Was it you who knocked ?” he asked, more
suspiciously than kindly.
265


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“No, Dick; it was I who took that liberty," I
answered, continuing my ascent.
He turned with a start, for he had not seen me.
“You?” he said, sharply. “It was a dodge,
then, to—"
“To induce you to break from cover. Yes, my
friend, to such extremities have you driven us.”
“In what capacity have you come?” he asked,
with ominous coolness.

CERT
LOVERING
the badger
must be drawn
"As friends," I replied. “Friends who have
come to place ourselves at your service; haven't
we, Miss Shafthead?”
“Yes," said she, “we are friends. Don't you
believe me, Dick?"
266


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Who sent you?'' he asked.
“I came myself.”
“Does my father know?"
"No."
Dick's manner changed.
“It's very good of you, Daisy. Unfortunate-
ly—" here he hesitated in some embarrassment-
“unfortunately, I am engaged — I mean I have
some one with me.”
At this crisis Miss Daisy rose to the occasion
in a way that surprised me, even though I had
done little but admire her spirit since we met.
“Of course,” she replied, with a smile; “I was
sure you would have, Dick, and I want to see you
both.”
“Come in, then,” he said.
“And I?” I asked, with a becoming air of diffi-
dence.
“As I acted on your advice,” he answered, “you'd
better see what you've done.”
We entered, and there, standing in the lamp
light, we saw the cause of all this mischief. She
was a little, slender figure with a pretty little oval
face in which two very soft brown eyes made a
mute appeal for sympathy. There was some-
thing about her air, something about her demure
expression, something about the simplicity of her
dress and the Puritan fashion in which she wore
her hair, that gave one an indescribably quaint
and old-fashioned impression, and this impression
267


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
was altogether pleasant. When she opened her
lips, and in a voice that, I know not how, height-
ened this effect, and with an expression of sweet-
ness and contrition sạid, simply: “Daisy, what
must you think?" I forgot all my worldly wisdom
and was ready, if necessary, to egg her lover on to
still more gallant courses Daisy herself, how-
ever, capitulated more tardily. She did not, as I
hoped, rush into the charming little sinner's arms,
but only answered, kindly, indeed, yet as if holding
her judgment in reserve:
“I haven't heard what has happened yet.”
I gave a sign to Dick to be discreet in answer-
ing this inquiry, which he however read as merely
calling attention to my presence.
"Oh, let me introduce Mr. d'Haricot - Miss
Grey,” he said.
So she was still Miss Grey—and they had fled
together nearly four-and-twenty hours ago. I
repeated my signal to be careful in making ad-
missions.
“Where have you been?” said Daisy.
“I have some cousins — some cousins of my
father's - in London,” Agnes answered. “I am
staying with them.”
“And you are living here?” I said to Dick.
“Where else?” he replied, with a surprise that
was undoubtedly genuine.
“The arrangement is prudence itself,” I pro-
nounced. “You see, Miss Shafthead, that these
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
young people have tempered their ardor with a
discretion we had scarcely looked for. I do not
know what you intend to do, but, for myself, I kiss
Miss Grey's hand and place my poor services at
her disposal!”
And I proceeded to carry out the more imme-
diately possible part of this resolution without fur-
ther delay.
The little mademoiselle was evidently affected
by my act of salutation, while Dick exclaimed,
with great cordiality:
"Good old monsieur; by Jove! you're a sports-
man!”
Still his sister hung back; in fact, my impetu-
osity seemed to have rather a damping effect upon
her.
“What are you going to do, Dick?” she asked.
“We are going to get married.”
“What, at once?”
“Almost immediately."
“Without father's consent?"
“After what he said to us both-to Agnes in
particular-do you think I am going to trouble
about his opinion?”
“But, Dick, supposing we can get him to change
his mind?”
“Who is going to change it for him? for he won't
do it himself-I know the governor well enough
for that.”
"If I try to, will you wait for a little?”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“It's no use,” said Dick.
"Wait till we see, Dick!"
“Yes, we shall wait,” said Agnes. “Dick, you
will wait, won't you?”
“If you insist,” replied Dick, though not very
cordially.
“Then you will try?” said Agnes.
Daisy came to her side, took her hand, and kiss-
ed her at last.
“Oh yes, I'll do my very best!” she exclaimed.
There followed one of those little displays of
womanly affection that are so charming yet so
tantalizing when one stands outside the embraces
and thinks of the improvement that might be ef-
fected by a transposition of either of the actors.
“What will you say?" asked Dick, in a minute.
"I don't quite know,” replied Daisy, candidly.
“I suppose I had better say that—".
She paused, as if considering.
"Say that this is one of the matches made in
heaven!” I cried. “Say that not even a father
has the right to stand between two people who
love each other as these do!”
"By gad! Daisy," said Dick, "you ought to
take the monsieur with you. I don't believe there'd
be any resisting him.”
“Let me come!” I exclaimed; “I claim the priv-
ilege. My rash counsels helped to cause this sit-
uation; permit me to try and make the atone-
ment!”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Daisy looked at me, I am bound to say, rather
doubtfully.
“He has a wonderful way with him," urged
Dick. “We can't do that kind of eloquent appeal-
to-the-feelings business in England, but it fetches
us if it's properly managed. You see, I don't want
to fall out with the governor. I know, Daisy,
what a good sort he has been—but I am not going
to give up Agnes.”
“If you think Mr. d'Haricot would really do any
good—” said Daisy.
"He can but try," I broke in.
"Please let him," said Agnes, softly.
Ah, I had not shown her my devotion in vain!
“All right,” said Daisy.
And so it was arranged that we were to start
upon our embassy next morning.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter XXVII
“High Toryism, High Churchism, High
Farming, and old port forever!"
-CORLETT.
shadeskoleskHAT evening, when I came to medi-
se state in solitude upon the appeal I
salon T se purposed to make, my confidence
olen - Se began to evaporate in the most un-
propostes la comfortable manner. Was I quite cer-
tain that I should be pleading a righteous cause?
Ah, yes; I had gone too far now to question my
cause; but how would my eloquence be received ?
Would it "fetch if properly managed”? I tried to
picture the baronet, and the more my fancy laid on
the colors, the more damping the prospect became.
“Ah, well; Providence must guide me," I said
to myself at last. And in a way that I am
sufficiently old-fashioned — superstitious - call it
what you will—to think more than mere coinci-
dence, Providence responded to my faith. I could
scarcely guess that my friend, the old General, who
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
came in to smoke a pipe with me, was an agent
employed by Heaven, but so he proved.
"I want your advice," I said. “What should
I say, what should I do, under the following per-
plexing circumstances ?”
And, without giving him any names, I told him
the story of Dick.
“Difficult business, mossoo, delicate affair and

TERRIER
An agent employed by
Heaven
that sort of thing," he observed, when I had fin-
ished. “You say your friend is a pretty obstinate
young fellow?"
"Dick Shafthead is obstinacy itself," I replied,
letting his name escape by a most fortunate slip
of the tongue.
"Shafthead!” said the General. “By Jove!
Any relation to Sir Philip Shafthead ?”
"Since you know his name, and can be trusted
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
for the sake of getting the title, and naturally she's
not going to divorce him. So that's what comes
of marrying in haste, mossoo. Not that there
isn't a good deal to be said for a young fellow who
has-er-a warm heart and wants to do the right
thing by the girl, and so forth. I am no Chester-
field, mossoo; right's right and wrong's wrong
all the world over, but-er—there are limits, don't
you know."
“Has Major Shafthead any family?” I inquired.
"No," said the General.
“Then Dick will succeed to the baronetcy one
day?”
"Or his son.”
“Ah,” I reflected, “I see now why Sir Philip is
so stern. He would not have a girl he dislikes the
mother of future baronets, and he will not allow
the younger son to follow, as he thinks, in the
elder's steps.”
At first sight this seemed only to increase my
difficulties; but as I thought more over it, my
spirits began to rise. Yes, I might make out a
good case for Dick out of this buried story.
“Well, good-night, mossoo,” said the old boy,
rising. “Good luck to you.”
“And many thanks to you, General.”
The next morning broke very cold and gray.
We were well advanced in December, and the frost
was making us his first visit for the winter; in-
deed, it was cold enough to give Miss Daisy the
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
opportunity of looking charming in a fur coat
when I met her at the station. Dick came to see
us off, and I must admit that I felt more responsi-
bility than I quite liked in seeing the cheerful con-
fidence he reposed in me.
"It is but a chance that I can do anything,” I
reminded him. "I may fail.”
“No fear,” he replied. “I expect a pardon by
return of post. By-the-way, we got the manor of
Helmscote in Edward the Third's time-Edward
the Third, remember — and the baronetcy after
Blenheim. The governor doesn't object to be re-
minded of that kind of thing if you do it neatly.
But you know the trick.”
"I should rather depend on your sister's elo-
quence,” I suggested.
“Oh, she's like me; can't stand on her hind
legs and catch cake," laughed Dick. “We are
plain English.”
"Not so very plain,” I said to myself, glancing
at my travelling companion's fresh little face nest-
ling in a collar of fur.
She was very silent this morning, and I could
now see that the experiment of taking down an
advocate inspired her with considerably less con-
fidence than it had Dick.
“Confess the truth, Miss Shafthead," I said to
her, at last. “You fear I shall only make bad
into worse.”
"I don't know what you will do," she replied,
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
town, saying only that she would be au ay for the
night, but giving no intimation of when he might
return, so that we expected no carriage a he sta-
tion. This, we decided, was all the better. We
should walk to Helmscote, attract as little notice
as possible on entering the house, and then she
would find out how the land lay before even an-
nouncing my presence; at least, if it were possi-
ble to keep me in the background so long.
“My father is rather difficult sometimes," she
said.
“Hasty?" I asked.
“I'm afraid so.”
“He may, then, decline to receive me?"
"It is quite possible.”
The adventure began to assume a more and
more formidable aspect. I agreed that great cir-
cumspection was required.
At last we alighted at a little way-side station
in the heart of the country. We were the only
travellers who descended, and when we had come
out into a quiet road, and watched the train grow
smaller and smaller, and rumble more and more
faintly till the arms of the signals had all risen
behind it, and the shining steel lines stretched still
and uninhabited through the fields, we saw no
sign of life beyond a cawing flock of rooks. The
sun was bright, the hoar-frost only lay under the
shadow of the hedge-rows, and not a breath of wind
stirred the bare branches of the trees. After a
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
word of protest I took the fur coat over my arm,
and Daisy's bag in my hand, and we set out at a
brisk pace to cover the two miles before us.
Presently a sleepy little village appeared ahead
of us; before we reached it my guide turned off
to the left.
"It is a little longer round this way,” she said,
" but I am afraid the people in the village might
-well—"
"Exactly," I replied. “We are a secret em-
bassy."
It was a narrow lane we were now in, winding
in the shade of high beech-trees and littered with
their brown cast leaves. Whether it was the
charm of the place, or that we instinctively de-
layed the crisis now that it was so near, I can-
not say, but gradually our pace slackened.
"I am afraid they will be rather anxious about
me,” said Daisy.
“If they value you as they ought," I replied.
She smiled a little, and then, in a minute, we
rounded a corner, and she said, “That is Helms-
cote we see through the trees.”
I looked, and saw a pile of chimneys and gables
close before us and just a little distance removed
from the lane. Along that side now ran a high,
ancient-looking wall with a single door in it, op-
posite the house. Evidently this unostentatious
postern was a back entrance, and the gates must
open into some other road.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
My fellow - ambassador paused and glanced in
both directions, but there was no sign of any one
but ourselves.
"I think it will be best if I leave you in
the garden,” she said, “while I go in and find
mother.”
“Yes, I think it will be wise," I answered.
She took out a key and opened the door in the
wall, and I found myself in an old flower-garden
screened by a high hedge of evergreens at the
farther end.
“Give me my coat and bag,” she said. “Many
thanks for carrying them. Now just wait here.
I shall be as quick as I can.”
I lit a cigar and began to pace the gravel path,
keeping myself concealed behind the bushes as
far as I could. Decidedly this had a flavor of ad-
venture, and the longer I paced, the more did a
certain restlessness of nerves grow upon me. I
took out my watch. She had been gone ten min-
utes. Well, after all, I could scarcely expect her
to return so soon as that. I paced and smoked
again, and again took out my watch. Twenty
minutes now, and no sign of my fellow-ambassa-
dor. I began to grow impatient and also to feel
less the necessity for caution. No one had dis-
covered me so far and no one was likely to; why
should I not explore this garden a little farther?
I ventured down to the farther end, till I stood be-
hind the hedge. It was charmingly quiet and
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
restful and sunny, with high trees looking over
the walls and rooks flapping and cawing about
their tops, and a glimpse of the house beyond.
This glimpse was so pleasing that I thought I
should like to see more, and, spying a garden roller
propped against the wall and a niche in the stone
above it, I gave a wary look round, and in a mo-
ment more had scrambled up till my feet were in
the niche and my head looking over the top.
Below me I saw a grass terrace and a broad
walk, and beyond these the mansion of Helmscote.
No wonder Dick showed a touch of pride and af-
fection when (on very rare occasions, I admit)
he had alluded to his home. It was an old brick
house of the Tudor period, though some parts
were apparently more ancient than that and had
been built, I should say, by the first Shafthead
who had settled there. The colors--the red with
diagonal designs of black bricks through it, the
stone of the mullioned windows, the old tiles on
the roof, the gray of the ancient portions, even,
I fancied, the green ivy-had all been softened and
harmonized by time and by weather till the whole
house had become a rich scheme that would have
defied the most cunning painter to imitate it.
“I know Dick better since I have seen his home,”
I said to myself. “And his sister? Yes, I think
I know her better, too, though not so well as I
should like to. Pardieu! what has become of
her?”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
of proprietorship, the wounded left arm, and the
family resemblance left me in no doubt as to who
he was. I was, in fact, about to enjoy the inter-
view with Sir Philip Shafthead for the sake of
which I had entered his garden.
Yet, strange though it may seem, gratitude
for this stroke of good luck was not my first sen-
sation.
"Who the devil are you, and what are you do-
ing here, sir?” he repeated, sternly.
He had not heard of my arrival, then, and on
the instant the thought struck me that since he
did not know who I was, I might make the ex-
periment of feigning ignorance of him.
"I address a fellow-guest of Sir Philip's, no
doubt?” I said, with as easy an air as is pos-
sible for a man who has just fallen from the top
of a wall where he had no business to have
climbed.
"Fellow-guest!” he repeated. “Do you mean to
pretend you are visiting Helmscote?”
"I am about to; though I confess to you, sir,
that Sir Philip is at present unaware of my in-
tention.”
“Indeed ?” said he.
“Yes,” I said. “You are doubtless a friend of
Sir Philip's, sir?"
He emitted something that was between a laugh
and an exclamation.
“More or less," he replied. “And who are you?"
283


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"My name is d'Haricot, and I am a friend of
his son, Dick Shafthead.”
He started perceptibly, and looked at me with a
different expression.
“I have heard your name," he said.
“As you are staying at Helmscote you have
no doubt heard of Dick's imprudence?”' I went on,
boldly.
“I have,” he replied, shortly. “Have you come
to see Sir Philip about that?”
“Yes,” I said. “I have travelled down with
Miss Shafthead this morning ; she left me here for
a short time while she went in to see her parents,
and while waiting I had the indiscretion to mount
this wall, in order to obtain a better view of the
beautiful old house. It is the finest mansion I
have seen in England. No wonder, sir, that Dick
is so attached to his home!”
“Yet, as you are aware, he has run away from
it,” said the baronet, dryly.
“Ah,” I said, "you have doubtless heard the
father's view of his escapade. Will you let me
tell you the son's, while I am waiting?"
“Had you not better keep this for Sir Philip-
that is, if he consents to hear you?”
"No," I said, eagerly. “I have no secrets to
tell, and if I can persuade you that Dick has some
excuse for his conduct, perhaps you, too, might
say a word to Sir Philip in his favor."
“It is unlikely,” said the baronet; “but go on.”
284


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXVIII
“At the journey's end a welcome;
For the wanderer a friend!”
-CYD.
septem I R,” I began, “I must tell you, in the
g a first place, that there is this to be
sa "S sa said for Dick Shafthead - and it is
p
man argument he is too generous to
prop use himself — he took counsel of a
friend, who, perhaps rashly, urged him to follow
the dictates of his heart.”
“Indeed ?” said the baronet.
“Yes; I can answer for it, because I was that
friend; and that is one of the reasons why I was
so eager to plead for him with Sir Philip.”
"It sounds a damned poor one,” said he. “May
I ask why you advised a son to rebel against his
father?”
“If I had thought his father would regard his
marrying the girl he loved as an act of rebellion,
I might—though I do not say I would-have ad-
286


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
vised him otherwise. But he had told me that
Sir Philip was a man of great sense and under-
standing; therefore I argued that he would not
take a narrow or prejudiced—”.
“Prejudiced!” he exclaimed.
"Or a prejudiced view of his son's conduct. I
knew he was a good churchman; therefore, as a
follower of a Carpenter's Son, he could not seriously
let any blemish on a girl's pedigree stand between
his son and himself. Besides, he was so highly
placed that an alliance with his family would be
sufficient to ennoble. Furthermore, as he loves his
son, he would wish for nothing so much as his hap
piness. Lastly, being a great gentleman, Sir Philip
would give a lady's case every consideration."
But at this the baronet's feelings could no longer
be contained.
“By God, sir!” he exclaimed. “Do you mean
to say you preached this damnable sermon to
my—to Dick Shafthead?”
I had not preached this sermon, nor anything
very much like it; but these were undoubtedly
the arguments I ought to have used.
"I argued from what he had told me of his
father," I replied. “If I am incorrect in my esti-
mate of Sir Philip; if he is not a Christian, a gen-
tleman, an affectionate father, and a man of sense,
then, indeed, I reasoned wrongly."
At this thrust beneath his guard, Sir Philip was
silent, and I hastened to follow up my attack.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Well, sir, if it is any satisfaction to you, I may
tell you that you have already discharged your
task. I am Sir Philip Shafthead."
“What?” I exclaimed, in simulated surprise.
“Then I must indeed ask your pardon for the
freedom with which I have spoken. My affec-
tion for your son is my only excuse."
“He is fortunate in his friends, sir,” said Sir
Philip, though with precisely what significance
I could not be sure. “You will now have lunch-
eon with us, I hope.”
We walked in silence to the house, my host's face
expressing nothing of what he thought or felt.
In a long, low room whose oak panelling and
beams were black with age and whose windows
tinged the sunshine with the colors of old coats
of arms, I was introduced to Lady Shafthead.
She was like her daughter, smaller and slighter
than the muscular race of Shaftheads, gray-haired
and very charming and simple in her manner.
Daisy stood beside her, and both women glanced
anxiously from one to the other of us. What those
who knew him could read in Sir Philip's coun-
tenance, I cannot say. For myself, I merely pro-
fessed my entire readiness for lunch and my
appreciation of Helmscote, but, surreptitiously
catching Daisy's eye, I gave her a glance that
was intended to indicate a fair possibility of fine
weather.
Evidently she read it as such, for she replied
290


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“With one collar, a tweed suit, and no razors?”
“Can't you send for your things?” suggested
Daisy.
And that is precisely what I did.
The next day the prodigal returned and had a
long interview with his stern parent. At the end
of it he joined me in the smoking-room.
“Well?" I asked.
“An armistice is declared,” said Dick. “For
six months the matter is not to be mentioned.”
“And that is all?".
“All at present."
“But six months, Dick! Can you wait?”
“Call it three weeks,” said Dick. “I know the
limit to the governor's patience. He never let a
matter remain unsettled for one month in his life.”
He filled his pipe deliberately, standing with
his legs wide apart and his broad back to the fire,
while an expression of amused satisfaction gath-
ered upon his good-looking countenance.
“I say,” he remarked, abruptly, “don't think
I'm ungrateful. You did the trick, monsieur, and
I won't forget it in a hurry.”
As he said this he turned his back to me and
took a match-box from the mantel-shelf, as though
he had merely made a casual remark about the
weather, but by this time I knew the value of such
undemonstrative British thanks.
Another condition that Sir Philip had made
was that his son should not return to London un-
292


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
til the Christmas vacation was over, and, though
this was a matter of merely two or three weeks,
Dick found it harder than a six months' postpone-
ment of his marriage. But to me, I fear, it did not
seem so unreasonable, for, as he could not have his
sweetheart's company,he insisted on retaining mine;
so, after a polite protest, which Lady Shafthead de-
clared to be unnecessary and Daisy to be absurd,
I settled down to spend my Christmas at Helmscote.
At that time there was no one else staying in
the house, so that when I sat down at dinner that
night, one of a friendly company of five, I felt al-
most as though I was a member of the family.
And the Shaftheads, on their part, seemed bent
on increasing this illusion. Once I cheerfully al-
luded to my exile--cheerfully, because at that mo-
ment the thought had no sting.
“An exile?” said Lady Shafthead, smiling at
me as a good mother might smile. “Not here,
surely. You must not feel yourself an exile here."
And, indeed, I did not. For the first time since
I landed in this country, I felt no trace of strange-
ness, but almost as though I had begun to take
root in the soil. Circumstances had not enabled me
to enjoy any family life since I was a boy, and
had I been given at that moment a free pardon
and a ticket to Paris, I should have said, “Wait,
please, for a few months, till I discover to which
nation I really do belong. Here I am at home.
Perhaps, if I return, I should now be lonely."
293


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
The very look of my room when I retired to bed
impressed me further with this feeling. The fire
was so bright, the curtains so warm, every little
circumstance so soothing. I drew up the blind
and looked out of a latticed casement-window into
a garden bathed in moonlight, and my heart was
filled with gratitude. Last thing before I went to
sleep, I remember seeing the firelight playing on
the walls and mingling with a long ray from the
moon, and the fantastic designs seemed to form
themselves into letters making a message of wel-
come. And this message was signed “Daisy
Shafthead.”
At what hour I woke I cannot say ; but I felt as
though I had not been long asleep, and that some-
thing must have roused me. The fire had burned
low, but the long beam of moonlight still fell across
my bed and made a patch of light on the opposite
wall. Suddenly it was obscured, and at the same
moment I most distinctly heard a noise-a noise at
the window. I turned on my pillow with that curi-
ous sensation in my breast that by the metaphysi-
cal may easily be distinguished from exhilaration.
I had left the curtains a little apart with an oblong
of blind showing light between them. Now there
was a dark body moving stealthily either before
or behind this.
For a moment I lay still, then, with a spring so
violent as almost to suggest that I had exercised
some compulsion upon my movements, I leaped
294


ESTESWEGEERISES
ORT
OVERING
Ileaped out of bed


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
out of bed. The next instant the body had dis-
appeared, and I heard a scraping noise, apparently
on the outside wall. I rushed to the window and
drew aside the blind. The casement was certainly
open, but then I had left it so. I put out my head
and looked carefully over the garden. Not a
movement anywhere, not a sound. I waited for
a time, but nothing more happened, and then I
went to bed again, first, I confess, closing and
fastening the window; and in a little the whole
incident was lost in oblivion.
With the prosaic entry of daylight and a servant
to fill my bath, I began to wonder whether the
whole thing was not a dream, and, in fact, I had
almost persuaded myself that this was the case
when I spied, lying on the floor below the window,
a slip of paper. It was folded and addressed in
pencil to “M. d'Haricot, confidential.” I opened
it and read these words:
“Beware how you betray! Lumme also is watched.
Therefore be faithful, if it is not too late!”
“What the devil!” I said to myself, after reading
these incomprehensible words two or three times.
"Is this a practical joke-or can it be from—?" I
hastily turned the scrap over, looked at it upside
down, and against the light, but no, there was no
mark to give me a clew.
So meaningless did the warning seem that before
the day was far spent it had ceased to trouble me.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXIX
“Enter Truculento brandishing a rapier.
Ordnance shot off without.”
-OLD STAGE DIRECTION.
serie HAT day slipped by smoothly and
sa swiftly as a draught of some delicious
sa T he opiate, and every moment my fancy
space - se became anchored more securely to
mash Helmscote. But upon the next morn-
ing I received a letter from my Halfred which,
though it amused and moved me by the good
fellow's own happiness, yet contained one perplex-
ing piece of news. I give the epistle in his own
words and spelling.
"DEAR SIR, Hopping the close reached you safely i
added the waterprove coat for shooting in rain supposing
such happened. Miss Titch has concented to marry me
some day but not now you being sir the objec of my at-
tentions for the present hence i am happy beyond ex-
preshon also she is and i hop you approve sir. Another
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
package has come for Mister Balfour not to be oppened
and marked u d t which Mr. Titch says means undertake
to return but I have done nothing hopping I am right
yours obediently
ALFRED WINKES."
No, Halfred, U. D. T. did not mean "Undertake
to return,” but bore a much graver significance,
and this news made me so thoughtful that at least
one pair of bright eyes remarked it at breakfast.
“No bad news, I hope,” said Daisy, as we went
together to the door to inspect the weather.
“None that you cannot make me forget," I re-
plied, with a more serious gallantry than I had yet
shown towards her.
A little rise of color in her face did indeed make
me forget all less absorbing matters.
"By the time you leave us, you perhaps won't
find us still so consoling,” she replied, with a smile.
“Don't remind me of that day," I said. “It is a
long way off--a hundred years, I try to persuade
myself!”
Little did I think how soon fate would laugh at
my confidence.
To-day we were to shoot pheasants. The bar-
onet had his arm out of the sling for the first
time, and this so raised his spirits that I felt
sure Dick's six months' probation were already
divided by two, at least. Two friends were coming
from a neighboring house, and the other gun was
to be my second, Tonks, who was expected to stay
298


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
for the night. Presently he appeared and greeted
me with a friendly grin.
"You haven't got Lumme to fire at to-day," he
remarked.
I drew him aside.
“ Tonks,” I said, “that incident is forgotten-
also the cause of it. You understand ?”
He had the uncomfortable perspicacity to glance
over at Daisy as he replied:
“Right 0; I won't spoil any one's sport."
This game of pheasant-shooting is played in
England with that gravity and seriousness that the
Briton displays in all his sports. No preparations
are wanting, no precautions omitted. You stand in
a specially prepared opening in a specially grown
plantation, while a specially trained company of
beaters scientifically drive towards you several
hundred artificially incubated birds invigorated
by a patent pheasant food. Owing to the regu-
lated height of the trees and the measured dis-
tance at which you stand these birds pass over you
at such a height (and, owing to the qualities of
the patent food, at such a pace), and the shot is
rendered what they call “sporting.” Then, at a
certain distance from his gun and a certain angle,
the skilful marksman discharges both barrels,
converts two pheasants into collapsed bundles of
feathers, snatches a second gun from an attendant,
and in precisely similar fashion accounts for two
more. The flight of the bird is so calculated that
299


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
the bad shot has little chance of hitting anything
at all, so that the pheasant may return to his coop
and be preserved intact for another day. When
such a shot is firing, you will hear the host anx-
iously say to the keeper at the end of the day:
“Did he miss them all clean?”
And if the answer is in the affirmative, he will
add :
“Excellent! I shall ask him to shoot again.”
A clean miss or a clean kill—that is what is de-
manded in order that you may strictly obey the
rules of the sport, and at my first stand, where I
was able to exhibit five severed tails, a mangled
mass which had received both barrels at three
paces, and seven swiftly running invalids, my en-
thusiasm was quickly damped by the face Sir
Philip pulled on hearing my prowess.
“Never mind,” said Daisy, who had come to see
the sport, "you couldn't expect to get into it just
at first.”
“Come and give me instruction,” I implored her.
"Don't be in such a hurry!” she cried, as she
stood beside me at the next beat. “Look before
you shoot — that's what Dick always says you
ought to do. Now you've forgotten to put in
your-wait! Of course! No wonder nothing hap-
pened; you had forgotten to put in the cartridges.
Steady, now. Oh, but don't wait till it's past you!
Dick says— Good shot! Was that the bird you
aimed at?”
300


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"Mademoiselle, it was the bird a far - seeing
Providence placed within the radius of my shot.
'L'homme propose; Dieu dispose.'”
"I shouldn't trust to Providence too much,” said
she.
Well, between Heaven and Miss Shafthead,
aided, I must say for myself, by a hand and eye
that were naturally quick and not unaccustomed
to exercises of skill, I managed by the end of the
day to successfully uphold the honor of my coun-
try. The light was fading when we stopped the
battue, the air was sharp, and the ground crisp
with frost. My fair adviser had gone home a
little time before, and, wrapped in pleasant recol-
lections and meditations, I had fallen some way
behind the others as we walked homeward across
a stubble - field. The guns in front passed out
through a gate into a lane, and I was just follow-
ing them when a man stepped from the shadow of
the hedge and said to me:
“A gentleman would speak to you.”
I looked at him in astonishment.
He was an absolute stranger, and his manner
was serious and impressive. Beyond him, in the
opposite direction from that in which my friends
had turned, stood a covered carriage, with another
man wrapped in a cloak a few paces in front of
it, and a third individual holding the horse's head.
“That is the gentleman,” added the stranger,
indicating the man in the cloak.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
In considerable surprise I turned towards the
carriage.
“M. d'Haricot,” said the shrouded individual.
“M. le Marquis!” I cried, in astonishment.
It was indeed none other than he whom I have
before mentioned under the name of F. 11, secre-
tary of the league, conspirator by instinct and
profession, by rank and name the Marquis de la
Carrabasse.
“What are you doing here, my dear Marquis?”
I exclaimed.
He regarded me with a fixed and searching ex-
pression.
“The hour is ripe,” he said. “The moment has
come to strike! Here is my carriage. Come!”
For a moment I was too astonished to reply.
Then, in a reasonable tone, I said:
"Pardon, Marquis, but I must first take leave
of my hosts.”
“You cannot."
"That is to be seen,” I replied, losing my temper
a little.
Before I could make a movement the Marquis
was covering me with a revolver, and from the
corner of my eye I could see that the man who had
first spoken to me had drawn one, too.
“Enter the carriage,” said the Marquis. “I do
not trust you."
“Since you give me no alternative between a
somewhat prolonged rest in this ditch and the
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73117
Hou op I.
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
He looked at me intently for a moment and then
answered:
“On your honor, are you still faithful?”
“What do you mean, monsieur?”
"Lumme has not betrayed us?”
“Lummel” I exclaimed, in astonishment, and
then suddenly remembered the warning paper.
“Did you throw that paper into my bedroom?”
“An agent threw it for me. Did you obey the
warning?"
“Again I must ask for an explanation. What
has M. Lumme to do with it and what do you sus-
pect me of ?”
“M. Lumme is in the English Foreign Office,"
said the Marquis, with emphasis.
"M.Lumme is in
the Foreign

W
SPORTING
“And you suspect me of having betrayed my
cause to him? On my honor, monsieur, even
were I inclined to treason I should as soon think
305


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Bravo!” said the Marquis. “You are full of
ideas, my dear d'Haricot."
“And you?” I said to myself, with a shrug.
We arrived just in time, and on the platform
were joined by our driver.
"Let me introduce Mr. Hankey,” said the Mar-
quis.
So this was the elusive Hankey. Well, I shall
not take the trouble to describe him. Imagine a
scoundrel, and you have his portrait. I was thank-
ful he did not travel in the same compartment
with us, but evidently regarded himself as in an
inferior position.
“You trust that man implicitly?" I asked the
Marquis, when we had started.
"Implicitly!” he replied, with emphasis.
"I do not,” I said to myself.
By ten o'clock that night I was seated with the
Marquis de la Carrabasse in my own rooms, think-
ing, I must confess, not so much of politics and
dynasties as of the friends I had just lost for who
could say how long.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXX
“Conspiracy requireth a ready wit-and
a readier exit.”
-FRANCIS GALLUP.
sasabi HE Marquis de la Carrabasse, secre-
sale s tary of the U. D. T. League, and
pe 7 sep known in their circles as F. 11, enters
- this history so near its end that
senses I shall not stop to give a prolonged
account of him. Yet he was a person so re-
markable as to merit a few words of descrip-
tion. The inheritor of an ancient title, but little
money; a Royalist to the point of fanaticism; a
man of wide culture and many ideas, and of the
most perfect simplicity of character and hon-
esty of purpose, he had devoted his whole life
to the restoration of the monarchy, alternated
during lulls in the political weather by an equally
feverish zeal for scientific inventions of the most
ambitious nature. Yet, owing to the excess of his
enthusiasm and fertility of mind over the more
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
prosaic qualities that should regulate them, prac-
tical success had hitherto eluded this talented no
bleman. His flying-machines had only once risen
into the element for which they were intended, and
then the subsequent descent had been so precipi-
tate as to incapacitate the inventor for a month.
His submarine vessel still reposed at the bottom
of the Mediterranean, and the last I heard of his
dynamite gun was that the fragments were to be
found anywhere within a radius of three miles
around its first discharge. As to his merits as a
conspirator, my exile bears witness.
Yet he was a man for whom I could not but en-
tertain a lively affection. Of medium height and
slender figure, he had a large, well-shaped nose, a
black mustache tinged with gray, whose vigorously
upward curl had a deceptively truculent air at first
sight, and a splendid dark eye, at times piercing
and bright and at others dreamy as the eye of a
somnambulist. Add to this a manner naturally
courteous and simple, which, ho vever, he was in
the habit of artificially altering to one of decision
and mystery, when he thought the rôle he was
playing suited this transfiguration, and you have
the Marquis de la Carrabasse, so far as I can
sketch him.
We had only just seated ourselves in my room,
when Halfred entered beaming with pleasure at
the prospect of seeing me again.
“ 'Appy to see you back, sir,” he began, joyfully.
310


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
"You have unexpected news?” he said.
“The Bishop of Battersea has much pleasure
in accepting M. d'Haricot's kind invitation,'” I
read, aloud. “Mon Dieu! I am to have a bishop
to dinner in three days' time; and a bishop I have
never invited!”
“Are you sure?"
“Positive!”
"Read your other letters. Possibly they will
throw light upon this.”
I opened the next, and cried in bewilderment:
"Sir Henry Horley has much pleasure also!
But I have never asked him; I have only met him
once at a country house!”
The Marquis smiled.
“Do not be too sure you have not asked these
gentlemen,” he said.
“But I swear,”
“Read this!”
He handed me an invitation-card on which, to
my utter consternation, I saw these words en-
graved : “Monsieur d'Haricot requests the pleas-
ure of — company to dinner to meet—" and
here followed a name it would be indecorous to re-
produce in these frivolous memoirs, the name of
that royal personage for whose cause we loyalists
of France were striving!
“What!” I exclaimed. “It is true?"
“What is ?”
“That he is to honor me with his company ?”
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Scarcely, my dear d'Haricot,” said the Marquis,
with a smile. “But I have full authority to take
what steps I choose.”
“To employ this ruse?”
“Certainly, if I deem it advisable.”
“But to what end?”.
“Listen!” said he, his dark eyes glowing with
enthusiasm and his face lighting up with patri-
otic ardor. “I have asked a party of your most
influential friends to dine with you, inducing them
by a prospect of this honor. You will tell them
that his Highness cannot meet them there, but
that he bids them, as they reverence their own
sovereign, to assist his righteous cause. When
they are inflamed with ardor, you will lead them
from the table to the special train which I shall
have waiting. A picked force will place them-
selves under our orders. By next morning the
King shall be proclaimed in France."
For a minute I was too staggered to answer
him.
“But, my dear Marquis," I replied, when I had
recovered my breath, “I cannot induce these sober
and law-abiding Englishmen to follow me, per-
haps to battle.”
"Not all, perhaps, but some, certainly. My dear
friend, you have the gift of tongues; you can move,
persuade, influence to admiration. I myself would
try, but you know the English language better,
I think, than I, and then I am unknown to these
314


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
list of guests or at the curious knowledge of my
movements and acquaintances which my visitor
must somehow have acquired. The acceptances
included Lord Thane, with whom I had only the
very slightest acquaintance, Mr. Alderman Guffin,
at whose house I had once dined, one or two peo-
ple of social position whom I had met through
Lumme or Shafthead, and General Sholto.
"Ah, the General!” I said. “Well, he, at least,
is an old soldier.”
"Be kind to him; he is our brightest hope,"
said the Marquis.
I looked at him in astonishment. “What do
you know of him?”.
I could have sworn he blushed. “What do I
not know of all your friends ?” he replied.
Could it be from the inquiries of Hankey he
had learned all this, and took so much interest
in my gallant neighbor? I remembered now how
the General had once met that disreputable indi-
vidual. Yet it did not seem to me altogether a
complete explanation.
But conceive of my astonishment when, among
the few refusals, I found one from Fisher!
“What do you know of him?" I asked.
“He is a philanthropist. I regret that he can-
not accept,” said the Marquis, with an air of calm
mystery, yet with another suggestion of flush in
his face. He knew of my philanthropic escapade,
then and how?
316


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter XXXI
“So you are actuated by the best motives?
Poor devil! Have you tried strychnine?"
-LA RABIDE.
spaliskshla HE next morning I called in Mr. and
she s h Mrs. Titch, Aramatilda, and Halfred,
sin T and, in a voice from which I could
skap - not altogether banish my emotion, I
peop l told them that I must give up my
rooms and that they might never see me again.
From Halfred's manner I could not but suspect
he was prepared for ominous news; he had evi-
dently concluded that a man who introduced after
dark such a visitor as I had entertained last night
must stand on the brink either of insanity or crime.
Yet his stoical look as he heard my announcement
said, better than words:“You may disgust my judg-
ment, but you cannot shake my fidelity. Through
all your errors I am prepared to stand by you, and
brush your trousers even on the morning of your
execution."
320


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“I am glad, my dear friend,” he replied, "for I
would not do you an injury.”
"An injury?”'I exclaimed, with a laugh. “Would
you be my rival?”
"No, no,” he said, though with some confusion.
"I meant, my friend, that I would not like to tear
you from her.”
“The conspirator must conspire,” I said, with a
smile.
“True; true, indeed,” he replied, with a sigh.
Used as I was to the complex nature of my friend,
I could not help thinking that this was indeed a
sentimental mood for one who was about to under-
take as mad and desperate an enterprise as ever
patriot devised.
“Tomorrow morning I shall not be available,"
he told me as he left; “but after that—the King!”
“You do not, then, prepare my dinner to-morrow
morning?”
“No, monsieur, not in the morning.”
By that night I had made the few preparations
that were necessary before striking my tent and
leaving England, perhaps forever. The next day
found me idle and restless, and suddenly I said to
myself :
“The most embarrassing part of this wild en-
terprise is being thrown upon me. I want a friend
by my side, and if the Marquis de la Carrabasse
objects, let the devil take him!”
Ah, if I could have summoned Dick Shafthead!
323


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
But, having undertaken not to do this, I select-
ed that excellent sportsman, his cousin Teddy
Lumme. His courage I had proved, his wisdom I
felt sure was not sufficient to deter him from mix-
ing himself up with the business, and as for any
harm coming to him, I promised myself to see
that he did not accompany me too far.
I went to him, and having sworn him to secrecy,
I told him of the dinner. He, of course, knew that
his father, the venerable bishop, was to be of the
party, and when he heard the part that the guests
were afterwards expected to play you should have
seen his face.
“Of course they will not listen to me for a mo-
ment,” I said. “The idea is absurd. But I am
bound to carry out my instructions, and afterwards
to start upon this reckless expedition myself. I
only ask you, as my friend, to come to the dinner,
and keep me in countenance, and afterwards take
my farewells to your cousins-I should say, to all
my English friends. Will you?”
“Like a shot," said Teddy. “I wouldn't miss
the fun for anything. By Jove! I think I see my
governor's face! I say, you Frenchies are good,
old-fashioned sportsmen. You're going to swim
the channel, of course?”
His mirth, I confess, jarred a little upon me.
“I am serving my King,” I reminded him.
“Oh, I know, I'd do the same myself if these
dashed Radicals got into power over here. A
324


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“Who is to tell them?"
"It might be worth somebody's while.”
"And whom do you suspect of being that
traitor?” I exclaimed.
With a very abject apology for giving any of-
fence, Mr. Hankey withdrew.
“They still suspect me!” I said to myself, in-
dignantly.
Then another suspicion, still more unpleasant,
struck me. Was Mr. Hankey making an over-

NCP
"My orders!"
ture to me? I tried to dismiss it, but my spirits
were not very high that night, not even after the
explosive packing-case had been removed.
Before retiring to bed on the last night which I
was going to spend in this land, a sudden and
happy idea struck me. Not to write a single line
of explanation to my late hosts was ungrateful
and unbecoming in one who boasted of belonging
326


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
to the politest nation in Europe. I had only prom-
ised not to write to Lady Shafthead and Dick. Well,
then, there was nothing to hinder me from writing
to Daisy. I admit that Sir Philip also was exempt,
but this alternative did not strike me so forcibly.
If I posted my letter in the morning, she would not
get it till it was too late to take any steps that might
interfere with our plans. I seized my pen and sat
down and wrote:
" DEAR MISS SHAFTHEAD,—Truly you must think
me the most ungrateful and unmannerly of guests; but,
believe me, gratitude and kind recollections are not what
have been lacking. I am prevented from explaining
fully, but I may venture to tell you this-since the occa-
sion will be past even when you read these lines; I am
again in the service of one who has the first call upon
my devotion. Without naming him, doubtless you can
guess who I mean. Silence towards the kind Lady
Shafthead and towards my dear friend Dick has been
enjoined upon me; but since you were not specifically
mentioned I cannot resist the impulse to assure you of
my eternal remembrance of your kindness and of your-
self. Convey my adieus to Sir Philip and to Lady Shaft-
head, and assure them that their hospitality and good-
ness will never be forgotten by me.
“ Tell Dick that I shall write to him later if fate per-
mits me. If not, he can always assure himself that I
was ever his most affectionate and devoted friend.
“I leave England to-night on an adventure which I
cannot but allow seems hopeless and desperate enough,
but, as I once said to you on a less serious occasion,
327


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
l'homme propose, Dieu dispose.' The cause calls, I can
but obey! I know not what English customs permit me
to sign myself, but in the language of sincerity and of
the heart, I am, yours eternally and gratefully.”
And then I signed my name, lingering a little
over it to delay the curtain which seemed to descend
when I folded my letter and placed it in its en-
velope.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
Chapter XXXII
“Farewell, my friends, farewell!
We have had some brave days together!”
-BOULEVARDÉ.
glasbeglazHE momentous day had come. Look-
s king out of my bedroom window in the
sle of morning, I saw the sunshine smiling
ap on the bare trees and the frosted
oe grass of the park. At that hour the
shadows were long, and Rotten Row quiet as a
lonely sea-shore, so that a lively flock of sparrows
seemed to fill the whole air with their cheerful dis-
cussions, and I fancied they were debating whether
they could let me go away and leave forever this
little home that I had made.
"I would stay,” I said to them; “I would stay
if I could.”
But, alas! it was to be my last day in England,
the land I had first regarded as so alien, and then
come to love so well. And there was no use stand-
ing here letting my spirit run down at heel.
329


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Yet, when I came into my sitting-room and saw
the bareness that had already been made by my
preparations for departure, the absence of little
things my eye had before fallen upon without no-
ticing, and the presence of a half-packed box in one
corner, my heart began to feel an emptiness again.
"I feel as a man must when he is going to get
married,” I said to myself, and endeavored to smile
gayly at my humor.
Hardly had I finished my breakfast, endeavor-
ing as I read as usual my morning paper to for-
get that I was leaving all this, when I heard a
quick step in the passage, and with a brisk, “Bon
jour, monsieur!” the Marquis entered.
“Ah," I thought, “he is in his element. No
regrets with him.”
Yet, after the first alertness of his entry, I ob-
served, to my surprise, a certain air of sentiment
about him, which, if it was not regret, was at least
not martial keenness.
“You did your business yesterday?" I said.
“I did,” he replied, in a grave tone, and with
something like a tender look in his eye. “I did
some private business of an unforgettable and
momentous nature, my dear d'Haricot. But not
now; I shall not tell you now. To-night you shall
know."
Then, making a gesture as if to banish this mood,
he threw himself into a chair, and, bending his
brows in a keen look at me, said:
330


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
sir,” said Halfred, doggedly, “and you said as
'ow I'd better practise my boxing on 'im. I didn't
spot 'im the other night, but Miss Titch she seed
'im this morning and told me.”
"I know not the meaning you mean when you
speak so fast!” cried the Marquis. “But I see

ABERT
LBERG
"small beast, to damn
with you!"
you are intoxicate, foddled and squiff. Small
beast, to damn with you!”
"You just wait till I gets you outside,” said
Halfred, ominously. “I'll give you something to
talk German about!”
"German!” shrieked the Marquis, catching at
the only word he understood. “If you was gentle-
man not as could be which I then should-ha!”
And he stamped his foot and made a gesture
of lunging my retainer through the chest.
“Oh, you're ready to begin, are you?” said
Halfred, mistaking this movement for the pre-
334


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
liminary to a box and throwing himself into the
proper attitude.
“With your permission, sir.”
“Stop!” I said. “You certainly have not my
permission! I shall dismiss you if you strike
my guest again!”
Yet I fear I was unable to keep my counte-
nance as severe as it should have been. I then
turned to the livid and furious Marquis and ex-
plained the cause of the assault.
"Address that girl!” cried he. “It was to ask
her questions— questions about you, monsieur,
when I wrongly distrusted you. This is a scan-
dalous charge!”
“But you see how liable your action was to
misconstruction?”
"I see, I do see!” he exclaimed. “He was
right to feel jealous! I have given many good
cause, yes, I confess it. Explain to him."
I told Halfred of his mistake.
“Well, sir,” he said, “I takes your word, sir."
"Good young man,” said the Marquis, turning
to him with his finest courtesy. “I forgive. I
admire. You have right. Many have I love, but
your mistress is not admired of me. She is pre-
serve! Good-night, young man; good-night, mon-
sieur.”
And off he marched as briskly as ever.
Halfred shook his head darkly.
“Him being a friend of yours, sir, I says noth-
335


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
“You heard the circumstances of my departure?"
"We heard a cock-and-bull story from a thick-
headed yokel — something about a pistol and a
villain with a mustache and a carriage and pair;
but as we learned that you'd appeared at the sta-
tion safe and sound, we divided the yarn by five.
I must say, though, I've been getting a little wor-
ried at hearing no news of you—that's to say, the
women folk got in a flutter.”
“Did they?” I cried, with a pleasant excitement
I could not quite conceal.
“Naturally, we are not accustomed to have our
guests vanish like an Indian juggler. I've come
to see what's up."
I told him then the whole story, letting the Mar-
quis's prohibition go to the winds. He listened
in amused astonishment.
"Well," he said, at last, “it seems I've just come
in time for the fair. You've napkins enough to
feed another conspirator, I suppose?”
"You are the one man I want!”
“That's all right, then,” said Dick. “I'd better
be off to my rooms to dress. Where shall we meet?''
"I will call for you soon after half-past seven.
The house is not far from the Temple, I believe."
So now, thanks to Providence, I would have
both my best friends by my side. My spirits rose
high, and I began to look forward gayly even to
urging a bishop to start by a night train with a
repeating-rifle.
337


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
was dressed in his overcoat, and stood holding my
bag in one hand and his hat in the other.
“Going to take your bag down for you, sir," he
explained.
"But I do not need you, my good Halfred. I
was just going to say farewell to you this moment."
“I'm a-coming,” he persisted.
“Even against my wishes ?''
"Beg pardon, sir, but that there furriner, 'e's
in this show, ain't he?”.
“Why should you think so ?”
“I smells a rat, sir, as soon as I sees 'im. I
don't mean no offence, but you don't know Heng-
land as well as I do. I'll come along, sir, and if
you happens to be thinking of a trip across the
channel, I was thinking, sir, a change of hair
wouldn't do me no 'arm.”
“But I cannot allow you! There is danger!”
"Just as I thought, sir ; but I'm ready for 'em.”
And, laying down the bag, he showed me the
butt of an immense pistol in his overcoat-pocket.
“Halfred," I cried, "you may not glitter, but
you are of gold! Come, then, my brave fellow,
if you will!”
"Good sportsman, isn't he?" said Teddy, as
we drove off together.
At a quarter to eight we three, Teddy and Dick
and I, alighted at number Twenty-two Beacon
Street, Strand, to find Halfred and the bag await-
ing us outside the door. A waiter with a mysteri-
339


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
ous air showed us up a narrow staircase into a
small, well-furnished reception-room. Beyond this,
through folding-doors, opened a dining-room of
moderate size, where we found the table laid and
ready. The man closed the door and disappeared,
and the four of us were left to await the arrival
of my guests.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Chapter XXXIII
“The time has come, the very hour has struck
When deeds most unforgettable are due.”
-BEN VERULAM.
MUARTER-PAST eight, and no sign
mara e of a guest!” I exclaimed.
se she “You are sure you asked 'em for
on om eight and not eight-thirty?" said
one open Dick.
“Positive; it was on the card. I noticed par-
ticularly."
"Perhaps they've gone to your rooms,” sug-
gested Teddy.
"Scarcely. Some of them do not know my
address, and this house was also engraved upon
the card.”
We were sitting round the anteroom fire while
Ilalfred waited in the dining-room.
“Beg pardon, sir,” he observed, putting his head
through the door - way. “But perhaps they've
smelled a rat, like as I do."
341


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
quis met me with a surprised and disappointed
look.
"Is this all the aid you bring ?” he asked.
"All!” I exclaimed. "I do not know what mis-
take you have made, but my guests never ap-
peared.”
"Is that the truth?”
"M. le Marquis!”
"Pardon. I see; there must have been some
error. Well, it cannot be helped now. I, at least,
have been more successful; I have got my men.
Who are these two?''.
I introduced my two friends, and we walked
down the platform. As we passed the furniture
van I started to hear noises proceeding from in-
side.
“Do not be alarmed,” said the Marquis. “I
have explained that I am conveying a mena-
gerie.”
We stopped before a first-class compartment.
He opened the door and invited us to enter.
"Do not think me impolite if I myself travel
in another carriage,” he said to me. “I have a
companion.”
"M. Hankey?"
“He also is here,” he replied, I thought eva-
sively.
Just before we started, Halfred put his head
through our window and said, with a mysterious
grin:
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THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
clearly several things that had been obscure be-
fore.
But our talk was soon interrupted by the return
of the happy husband.
“All is ready! Come!” he said.
Undoubtedly, with his eyes burning with the
excitement of action, his effective gestures and
distinguished air, his dramatic speech, not to speak
of that little title of marquis, I could well fancy
his charming a girl who delighted in the unusual,
and was ready, as her uncle said, to fill in the pict-
ure from her own imagination.
"And so my dethroned divinity is the Marchion-
ess de la Carrabasse!” I said to myself. “Mon
Dieu! I shall be curious to see the offspring of
this remarkable union!"


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
ng
not to SE
_ xcl
C bapter XXXIV
“Et Balbus bellum horridum fecit.”
he IT
- CONVULSIUS.
I in the
Maret
isprint
spread H E Marquis led us from the station
stan - ne into a road, where we found the van
already under way and two carriages
- sam awaiting us. In one Dick and Teddy
Senas te were already installed; the Marquis
and Kate entered the other. I joined my friends,
and Halfred sprang upon the box; and off we set
for a destination which our leader, after his habit,
kept till the last a profound secret. So far as I
could see, our force consisted of the party I have
named, the men in the van, and the three drivers.
Hankey, I presumed, must be one of the last.
Where we were to find a ship, and how soon we
were to find our French allies, I had no notion at
all.
That drive seemed as interminable as the rail-
way journey, and certainly it was far more un-
comfortable. We were all three too sleepy to talk
351


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
much, but, to my constant wonder and delight, I
found my two companions as ready as ever to go
ahead and take their chance of what might befall
them.
"I say," said Teddy, in a drowsy tone, “ do you
think there's any chance of getting a bath before
we begin?”
“The despised sandwich would come in handy,
too,” added Dick. “I say, monsieur, why didn't
you bring a flask?”
"I did," I replied, “and here it is.”
"He is another Napoleon,” said Dick. “Noth-
ing is forgotten.”
Meantime the day began to break, and, though
the sun had not yet risen, it was quite light when
we felt our carriage stop.
“Alight!” said the voice of the Marquis. “We
have arrived!”
We were in a side track that ran through the
fields of a sheltered valley; on one side a grove of
trees concealed us; on the other, through the end
of the valley and only at a little distance off, I saw
something that roused me with a thrill of excite-
ment. It was the open, gray sea, with a small
steamboat lying close inshore.
“Peste!” cried the Marquis, taking me aside.
“Hankey is not here!”
"Not with us?"
"No; he must have been left at the station. It
is a nuisance!”
352


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“It seems to me worse than that."
“Yes, for we cannot wait; we must leave him
behind. It is a great loss. And now, my brave
comrade, the drama commences—the drama of the
restoration! You will open the van, and as the
men come out I shall address them.”
"In English?” I asked.
“Yes; I have prepared and learned by heart an
oration. It will not be long, but it will be moving.
Ah, you will see that I can be eloquent!”
With his wife at his side, and the drivers a few
paces behind him, he drew himself up and threw
out his chest, while I unlocked the door of the van.
Throwing it open I stepped back, curious to see
the desperadoes he had collected, and wondering
how they would regard the business, while the
Marquis cleared his throat.
A moment's expectant pause, and then-con-
ceive my sensations-out stepped, first, the burly
form of Sir Henry Horley, then the upright figure
of General Sholto, next the benevolent countenance
of the Bishop of Battersea, and after him the re-
mainder of my invited guests. The Marquis had
kidnapped the wrong men!
"What the devil!” began Sir Henry, glancing
round him to see in what country and company
he found himself; but before there was time for a
word of explanation, the Marquis had launched
upon his passionate appeal. As the original
manuscript afterwards came into my possession,
353


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D'HARICOT
“Three?" I asked.
“My wife and you and I. Say farewell to your
friends and come! The vessel awaits us and our
forces in France will at all events be ready.”
But Heaven was to prove still more unkind to
our unfortunate leader.
“Who are these?” I exclaimed.
“ The English police!” he cried. “We are be-
trayed!”
And indeed we were. A force of mounted po-
licemen swept round the corner of the wood and
trotted up to us, and in the midst of them we recog-
nized the double-faced Hankey.
“What do you want, gentlemen?" asked the
Marquis, calmly, though his eyes flashed danger-
ously at the traitor.
“We come in the Queen's name!” replied the
officer in command. “Are you the Marquis de la
Carrabasse?"
“ I am."
“I have a warrant, then, for your arrest."
But now, for the first time, fortune turned in
the Marquis's favor, though I fear it seemed to
that zealous patriot a poor crumb of consolation
that she threw.
Instead of finding, as our betrayer had calculated,
a crew of suspicious-looking adventurers, he be-
held a small party of middle-aged gentlemen at-
tired in evening clothes and anxious only to find
their way home again; and, to add to our good
356


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
Hunter
Tod's
TETER
luck, when they came to look for our case of arms
and ammunition it appeared that the Marquis
had forgotten to bring it. Also, these same elderly
gentlemen showed a very marked disinclination
to have their share in the adventure appear in
the morning papers, even in the capacity of wit-
nesses.
And, finally, as the French government had
been informed of our plans for some weeks past,
so that we were absolutely powerless for mis-
chief, the police decided to overlook my share al-
together and make a merely formal matter of my
friend's arrest.
“What will my King say?” cried the poor Mar-
quis. “Oh, d’Haricot, I am disgraced, and my
honor is lost! Tell me not that I am unfortunate;
for what difference does that make? Such mis-
fortunes must not be survived! Adieu, my friend!
Pardon my suspicions!”
Before I could prevent him, the unfortunate
man quickly thrust his hand into his pistol-pocket,
and in that same instant would have blown out
those ingenious, unpractical brains. But, with a
fresh look of despair, he stopped, petrified, his
hand still in his pocket.
“My revolver also is forgotten!” he exclaimed.
“I am neither capable of living nor of dying!"
"Thank Heaven who mislaid that pistol," I
replied. “Had you forgotten your bride, too?”
"Mon Dieul I had! I thank you for remind-
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357


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
about time we were getting back to London, bath,
and breakfast.”
“Carriage is ready, sir,” said the voice of Hal-
fred.
“Whose carriage?”
“Carriage as we came down in, sir. I've give
the driver the tip, and he's waiting behind them
trees.”
“But what about all these unfortunate gentle-
men?”
“Thought as 'ow they might prefer travelling
in the van they comed in,” he replied, with a sem-
blance of great gravity.
But I had not the hardihood to do this, and con-
cerning my journey to town with my dinnerless,
sleepless, and breakfastless guests, I should rather
say as little as possible.
I confess I envied the Marquis accompanying
his escort of constables.


THE ADVENTURES OF M. D’HARICOT
She is embarrassed, she is kind, she is not of-
fended, but her look checks me.
“How often have you felt like this within the last
few months—towards some one or other?'' she asks.
Alas! How dangerous a thing to let the brother
of the adored one know too much! Dick meant
no harm; he never knew how his tales would affect
me; but evidently he has jested at home about my
amours, and now I am regarded by his sister either
as a Don Juan or a perpetually love-sick sentimen-
talist. And the worst of it is that there are some
superficial grounds for either theory.
“Ah," I cry, “you have heard then of my wan-
derings in search of the ideal? But I have only
just found it!"
“How can you be sure of that?” she asks, a little
smile appearing in her eye like a sudden break in a
misty sky. “You haven't known me long enough
to say. In a month you may make a jest of me.”
"I am serious at last. I swear it!”.
"I am afraid you will have to remain serious for
some time to make me believe it,” she replies, the
smile still lingering. “When any one has treated
women, and everything else, flippantly so long as
you, 12"
She hesitated.
“You do not trust them?”.
“No,” she confesses.
“If I am serious for six months will you trust
me then?”
364